The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-07-13
eCREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


row her to get me out Of a little embarrassment
rassment"
II matters not how Indifferent an angler man
NAV be at this season of the year he can always
finds good fly fishing in the family cream pitcher
Rochester Express.
The advantage of having a little bottle OF
yeast in the pocket was illustrated in the case Oh
the man who stepped on a banana peel on Nam
street. and promptly sitting down on the yeast
rose Immediately.
He is here, and when you hear your neighoor
slam pillow against the bedroom wall you may
be sure that the mosquito got away.
A Chicago phonograph began to repeat the
Lords prayer, when an alderman requested that
1t talk about something that we all understand"
The Ha,rkeye tells OF tramp who asked for a
loaf of bread, plate of potatoes and a round OF
beef ''to fill long.felt want"
The New York Star regrets ito hear that, I'M
der the influences that surround him at the ma
tonal capital, good deal of Mr.. Hayes pety is
peeling off"
Anderson calls him the monumental fraud E"
Poor Hayes will stand kicking, but it must go
hard with him to be kicked by Anderson.
The Mayor of Columbus, Ga, warns women
not TO 90 within sight of a certain part OF the
river on Mondays and Fridays, for he has given
permission to the boys to 90 swimming on those
days
.'Moments with Satan" is the title Of an enter
tainment in magic, As an admission fee Is charg-
ed it looks very much like case OF the devil 10
pay.-Bridgp0lt Standard
Susan B. Anthony says that water is the best
beverage and the only one that anybody should
require. The red ribbon movement in the west
is getting up quite favorable feeling towards
this long neglected beverage.
There's man down in Maine who attends
church merely to hear the fine singing lie has
an ear for the Maine chants, you know-Hdc6e1-
sack Republican.
st. Agnes, of Louisiana, was clerk in the treas
ury during the administration Of the great re-
former, Bristow. She says, ~ went there almost
every day when had nothing else to do" Per
haps hers was a Especial case' under the Grant
regime,
An exchange asks: "What Is Government
forY' Don't know, unless it's to give Potter an
opportunity to show what knavc the democrat |
ic party will chase Off after.-1uroru Netcs.
And catch him FISHERMAN and Hayes, for
instance.
With rough conclusion the New York Com.
mercial Adyertiser says: "The New Orleans Ptcay-
utse informs the human race free Of charge, that
the Indian mode of scalping will remove dand-
ruff. An envous barber hints that it's dam
druif way Of getting rid of it."
Good name for Il wood cutter-Hugh.-Er
chaHqe. Good name for Lmburger cheese man
nfapturer-puuh l.
Good name for a bologna sausage makcr-Dog-
get-BiggSJWD CLIPPER. Good name for bald
man-'AarOn. Good name for uniycrsalist
preacher-No'el.
Cherry rum refuse thrown into the yard by a
Bangor woman was eaten by turkeys that appar.
emily died from the effects. After being pucked
they were thrown into a heap on the grass. On
the next morning they were found walking
around the yard in undrcss.
The following was given to Des Mones mar
bic cutter to DC cut upon a tombstone:
Well now am gocn home
TO dye no more, now don't grcevc
for me sweet daisy thi art
gone often think Of thee.
Why Doc we trimblc to carry
their bodys to the tomb
whair the Dear flesh Of gesCs
lay And left long perfume
The Chicago newspaper reporters seldom have
richer bonanza than they "cnjoyed" in the
murder of Mamie stephens, and they went wild
over it, The Times man wrote: "What storm
passed over his soul, what pang pricked his con
science, none but himself and the invisible One
may know" The following passage is from the
TrJ7mtS account: "rhc story from first to last
is one Of those singular fabrics often found in So
cicty; as the sea weed in the ocean is whirlcd
round in the great basin until the weeds are
gathered together in mass at the center, SO do
the weeds Of society find themselves whirled into
the deep dark pool"
The Burlington Ha,ckeye says that an Elizabeth
street mule kicked Co. b. IL q. baggage master
the other day. The baggage master turned laid
his hands ON the mules neck and cruppcr hold
err, shouted "Ilinois, 23,sl7r' and the family in
the house across the street ran down into the Gel
lar TO escape the tornado. The veterinary sur.
geon told the Elizabeth street man it was no use
10 have the blacksmith mend his shoes, because
the mule could never walk on them legs again.
The baggage master walked down to the depot,
yawncd, stretched himself and said he wished
business would pick up, he was getting too fat
and lazy for anything.
we never knew exactly now IL was, ana the
Pydiric FtrUpr with all its bucolic lore, never
was able to explain it TO our satisfaction. But
the Austin (Ncy.) R,wHe clears ii up beautifully,
when it says: Pigweed is, because II is or more
properly speaking the porcine qualifications of
the sagebrush soil produce certain eliminatyc
conditions which, acting on the chemical pro-
pertics Of the negative forces Of the climatic in.
fuenccs, as opposed TO the astronomical deyia.
tons Of the positive poles effect certain contra
distinction which, in the ordinary course Of hu-
man affairs, without regeneration or any cir
cumlOcutory influences whatever, produce pig
weed.
Miss Kellogg says newspaper men are just like
lemous-ht only 10 be squeezed much pos
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