The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-02-19
THE BAFFLED BOY.

rev Iofk Times.
According to the best scientific authori.
ties the small:boy becomes boy at the
age Of 10. At that age he ought to put
away smsll.boyish things. aud to put on
the bashful awkwardness Of semi.intelli.
gent boyhood. AT all events, he ought to
know that his presence Is not desired by
young men who come to see his sister.
We do not expec. this amount Of intelli-
gence in the small.boy, and IT is often
necessary to bride him with candy or to
persuade him with clubs before he will
consent to treat his sister with common
humanity; but the 16 year.old boy usually
perceiyes when an area Of counting, &C
companied with gradually increasing
pressure in the region Of the waist and
marked depression of the parlOr gas, is
about to set IN, and thereupon dicreetly,
even sneeringly, withdraws.
Master HenryT johnson, OF Warrens-
burg, Ill, Is u boy who has just reached
the period Of boyhood, and who isremark.
ably clever in the invention Of traps. II
YOU were 10 ask him to make you any
variety Of trap, from rat.trap TO a man.
trap, be would satisfy your demand with
promptness and skill. His fathers prem.
ises, both inside and ont, is infested with
traps, and there Is no style Of animal in
habiting Warrensburg that has not been
caught In one OF these traps. One morn
ing, early in January, 1t Is confidently
asserted that no less than two cats, q
tramp, small dog, six chickens, and three
small boys were found 10 Mr.. Johnson's
yard in the close embrace Of correspond.
ing number Of traps. The truth Is the
boy has real mechanical genius, and Il Is
a great pity that he is so totally lacking
in modeity and regard for the rights OF
others.
Last fall a young man had met Master
Johnson's sister ut picnic and escorted
her home, was seized with great admir-.
alton OF Master Johnson's traps, and evin.
ced great iondness for that ingenious
boys society. 10 fact, he engaged the
boy to give him a series Of lessons in trap.
making, and seemed to throw his soul into
rat.t traps. Gradually this passion began
TO fade, and the young man, instead OF
studying traps in the back yard, formed
the habit Of resting himself-as he called
it-in the parlor With Master Johnsons
sister. The boy, Of course, could not con-
sent to hurt his friends feelings by aban.
doning him to the society Of "a mere girl,
and, therefore, followed him into the par.
lor, and monopolized the conversation
After time the young man openly aban'
doned traps, and only visited the house
ia the evenings; but Master johnson,
mindful OF the laws Of hospitality, always
spent the evening in the parlor, and more
than once apologlzed TO his friend for the
silence and general uselessness Of his sis.
ter. His astonishment, when on one
eyentiul evening the young man, with the
full appreciation OF bis sister, deliberatly
told him to @get out and informed him
that Il he had not sense enough to know
that he was nuisance, he would try TO
knock sense into him with base. ball club,
cannot be expressed in words. Not only
did be wonder ct the unscientific idea
that sense can be impaired with base
ball club, but he could not comprehend
the young mans sudden dislike OF his
once courted society. However, he prom
pity withdrew, and devoted himself TO
schemes OF swift and deadly vengeance.
For the next week Master Johnson
spent large part Of his time in the par
lor with the door locked, alleging that he
was perfecting q new invention, and that
his intellect could not work except in
quiet and seclusiop. Strange as 1t may
appear, he told the truth. He was per-
feeling new kind OF trap intended for
the benefit Of the rude young man and his
unnatural sister. The former was accus-
toned to sit In large easy chair and the
latter in small and fragile rocking chair
on the opposite side OF the room. To each
OF these chairs the boy affixed most In
genious trap, which was concealed un-
dernealh the seat, and was so contriyed
as to be sprung by the weight OF any per
son who might sit in the chair. II the
young man, for example, were to sit down
In his accustomed chair, he would be In
stantly clasped around the waist by pair
Of iron arms, while two other iron clasps
would seize him by the ankles. A like
result would follow any attempt Of the
sister to seat herself 10 the rocking. chair,
and Il was Master Johnson's intention,
after having caught his game, to leave
them in cloae confinement, and to then
read them \ severe lecture upon their
rudeness.
The young man was due on the next
Saturday evening, and Master johnson
Get his new traps at precisely 1885 p. m.
ATT 40 the young man arrived, and Mas:
ter johnson ostentatiously marched out Of
the front gate Just as the young man rang
the front door bell. An hour passed, and
the reyengeful boy returned and listened
at the parlor,door. expecting to hear low
walls OF agony. On the contrary, he heard
Whist seemed TO him the outward express.
IONS OF much contentment on the part OF
the young man, and he thereupon entered
the room full OF fear lest his revenge had
miscarried.
he found that the trap which be had
set for the rude young man bad fulfilled
lie mission, and that he was held In the
firm embrace Of the iron bands. To his
unuttesable surprise, his sister was also
caught, although her chair unoccupied.
One pair Of iron arms clasped both the
victims, and one male and one female
ankle were held in close confinement. As
the astonished boy entered his sister faint.
" struggled, but soon resigned herself
With Christian patience TO her bonds,
while the shameless young man pleasant-
| ly remarked, aThank you, Johnny This
trap Is worth all the others you ever made,
and we wouldn't be let out Of It for more
than SG0OO,000." Master Johnny listen.
ed to these haunting words listened also
TO 3 renewal OF the sounds that he had
accurately interpreted As eyEdedce Of eon-
tentment, and then, angrily opening the
trap and smashing Il to pieces, withdrew
10 weep In solitude over the failure OF his
revenge.
This shoWa that wickeduess often over
reaches itself, and that to set two distinet
traps for ones sister and her private
young man Is as useless as was the super
huous hole which Sir Isaac Newton cut