The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-08-03
VARIETY.

Preacher Ito boy on the street)-" My little
man. Is your father Christian ?'' Boy-s'Yes,
sir, but ne amt working at it much lately"
He was milking the river and fell in,'' is the
explanation of the death by drowning of milk
man few days since See the pint?
Old deacon PiIkins said to himself: '' Falstaf
asks, sWh is honor? as though it was hard to
tell. But let my wife sit behind another woman
in church. and she'll tell what's on her in less
than two minutes"
An enthusiastic Indiana editor wrote after the
Convention, - The battle is now opened but
alas the intelligent compositor spelt +" battle ="
with an o. and his readers say they have sus-
pected it all along.
'sYes gentlemen, certainly, of course" said
poIite clothier; - If you want pair of pants,
step right into my pantry; if u vest, walk right
into my vestry and if a coat-here Jacob, show
these gentlemen into the coterie. This way, this
way, gentlemen.
The chimpanzees at the Philadelphia Geological
Garden have been photographed, and the pictures
are for sale. \ fashionable belle of the city has
placed one in her album, because it so forcibly
reminds her of her 80 dear Chawles,' who is now
absent in Europe.-NorTiSfoton Herald.
Shall we know each other there ?' asks a
lecturer. referring to the future and better world
That depends upon whether he ever loaned the
other fellow Eve dollars. The latter will fail to
t0lCH Herald.
Isabella, Ex-Queen, recently gave dinner to
the Shah of Persia, and it is putting it mildly to
add that when his Majesty called for his favorite
Persian drink of mares milk, and the Queen had
it not on the bill of fare, she was greatly Sha-
grined.-Jersey City Journal.
Thank heaven all the bad English Is not writ
ten by Americans; the Saturday Rerie,o, which
is flstidious Gd HaUsedm, speaks of the " leisur-
ed highly cultivated classes of England" Ii
they are ss leisured,'' we want to know how it
was done.-R Richard Grant White.
well-known attorney of st. Louis recently
bought a pair of Eyeglasses. An old friend no.
ticing the new departure remarked, s. So yon
come to eyeglasses at last, do you?'' sc Well
yes-I put them on occasionally, was the reply.
. Ewes beginning to fail you, eh ?'' Z" No, not
Mt all. My eyes are just as good as they were
when was boy. but don't think the light is
quite as good
GETTING READY.-The Burlington HdtOkeye
SAYS We can plainly see that Canada is getting
ready for annexation. The House of Commons
ut Ottawa, last Saturday, swore and howled and
fought and called names over n little bit of cor
ruption, just like an American Congress
Little Mary P.'s father had gone to Europe
During his absence she prayed continually for
him that God would take care of him and bless
him. On his return she ceased praying for him.
Why don't you pray for father ?'' asked
her mother. 50 We have got him at home, now,
and we can take care of him ourselves 20
DanUury boy was taken to task by his mo-
ther for striking a companion. She told him he
,nust ask the forgiveness of the wronged one He
went up to him and whispered through his
cIenched teeth: - I've got to ask you to forgive
me for hitting you, an you'd better speak right
out at once that you do, or I'll give you some
thing to remember. The victim spoke up.
A little girl surprised a company of visitors by
her knowledge of the Creators works. At the
dinner table she exclaimed, 80 God made all this
big world in Just six days. God made and
everybody else. He made mamma, too but. but
he forgot to put any hair on her head, and papa
had to buy it for her. When the mother got
through interviewing the young miss, after the
company dispersed, the little one wished she had
been built like a wash boiler.
The Metric SYsTM.-The Burlington Hduckeye
saws Now, heaven help US, the metric system
agitators are preparing to carry this happy coun-
tTy by storm. Away with the conspirators.
Welcome the Communists, even, if they will
slav for us the men who would send a ten-year-
old boy to the store to buy three-quarters of a
bectometer of unbleached muslin, half milIlliter
Of bran, mynagram of nutmegs and dekhter
of buckwheat, and ask the clerk how he sold
dress braid Il hectOmeter when you bought six
decimeters of it. Away with them.
The cook at frst-class hotel-thc man whose
highest aspiration is to shorten the road to dys-
pepsia, and whose loftiest ambition appeals only
70 tie stomach-is ranked as an artist. But the
editor, the man who caters for the brain, stirs
the millions to noble resolves and inculcates in
the hearts of his countrymen principles that viii
elevate the world, and elect the man who gets
votes enough, never hope to rest his toes
upon the polished pedestal of aesthetic perfection.
But, then, all people have stomachs.- Cincinnati
Breakfast Table.
A fine piece of feminine strategy comes to us
WE'LL matter where; it is authentic aud that
i sufficient: y husband desired to attend ball
without taking his wife. She protested against
his going. but 90 he would. Before he dressed
however, she slyly took his Sunday -go-to-meetin
nantaloons and put some cayenne pepper along
Fbe inside seams of them. He donned them and
went forth where - youth and beauty - met. He
had secured partner and had cut about three
rigeon-wings in quadrIlle when he began to
look wild and serious, and, at the conclusion of
4Is set he set out for home at gait that was half
4rot and half can-can. It seems to have beaten
aid Saint Vitus' dance all hollow. lie never knew
lust what allied him, but probably that woman
vEiII hear a few remarks when he reads these few
49, ii