The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-08-15
From the n. Y. Times. !
Laps and Picnics.

Nature never does anything without an
intelligent purpose. For example, the eye,
as DR.. Paley has demonstrated at great
length and in the most conclusive man
ner, was made to see with. So, too, man
was furnished with a mustache in order
that the cracking noise made by it when
it takes fire from a match while he is in
the act of relighting a cigar stump may
warn him to Withdraw his nose from the
flames. In short, the evidence that Ma
ture always has purpose in whatever
she does is SO conclusive that it may be
unhesitatingly assumed that when she
endowed woman with lap and withheld
that gift from man, she acted in pursu-
ance of praiseworthy design
To our shorts ght ted vision it may seem
that it would have been better had man
been created with a lap. A woman is
never required to hold man on her lap,
while man is sometimes anxious to hold
q woman-for instance, his aged and fee
BILE grandmothe heron what is enormously
called his lap. To speak of mans lap
is, of course, a misuse of language. for the
best anatomsts agree that he has not
even rudimentary and undeveloped lap
H is, indeed, able to hold an occasional
object, provided it is broad and fat on
his knees, but it is unscien tific to con
found a mans knees with the true lap of
the other sex. Nevertheless, Nature Was
right in giving the lap only to women,
and instead OF doubling her wisdom We
should strive to discern her real purpose
The lap is unquestionably most use
full and admirable organ. In its normal
state it affords ample room for a sleepin Z
infant. and will support child of from
to years of age while subjected to the
,atopno1 inf Hnanan Of fho c1innar
When expanded, the lap will admirably
hold fifteen quarts of chestnuts, peaches,
apples, or other desirable fruit, and there
have been women whose laps would hold
the entire supply Of hair pins required for
their back -hair-though of course, laps of
these enormous dimensions are somewhat t
rare. 1t is, however, at picnics and tea
parties that the splendid capabilities of
the female lap are especially displayed
1t is an easy matter for a lady, while en-
gagged on picnic, to hold plate of salad
another of picked oysters, a third of ice
cream, and fourth of cake, together
with cup of coffee, on her lap at one
and the same time. In fact, the average
capacity Of the lap in such circumstances
has been ascertained to be seven distinct
dishes, holding an aggregate quantity OF
eleven pounds of food. At a tea party,
SCOlSo vi ldpo may w oCCh, III
each one of which a cup of tea rests in
perfect safety, while the owner carries on
an animated conversation, and evidently
has the most perfect confidence that the
tea will not be spilled. In feats of this
kind the female lap is unique. The
| young man who undertakes to hold food
on his knees, invariably comes to grief
The utmost he can hope to do is to bal
ance, for brief period, plate of salad
on the ridge of one Of his legs, from
which it sooner or later slips, with the
most painful consequences. AS for hold
ing tea-cup or a coffee-cup on his knees
he recognizes the utter impossibility o.
the thing. His only resource is to de
posit it on the floor, or on the grass close
by his side, after which he usually steps
on it. or at least kicks it over. Out O.
every twenty young men who attend 6
picnic, it is estimated that twelve upse
salad on their trousers five sit down or
plates of salad, two are scalded with ho
coffee, and the twentieth man remain:
on his feet and says he is not hungry.
Now, this indicates in the clearest pos
sible manner that man is not by nature
picnickng animal Without laps, pic
MICS are dangerous to the integrity o
trousers and legs, and there is no way il
which art can remedy the masculine de
fciency of lap. Let women 90 TO picnic
if they choose. They can do so withou
doing violence to their clothing; but ma
is flying in the face of nature when h