San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1878-02-02

lations that am required to send you
letter of advice, must plead in excuse
that have been Postmaster but short
time; but I will say, if your office pays
no better than mine, advise you to give
it up" To this day that Postmaster
General has not decided whether his
subordinate was an ignoramus or was
quietly poking fun at him.
Spite of the old axiom about self
praise, many are of opinion that the
world is apt to take man at his own
valuation. If that be true, there is a
church dignitary in embryo somewhere
in the young deacon, whose examining
Bishop felt it requisite to send for the
clergyman recommending him for Or
dination, in order to tell him to keep
that young man in check; adding by
way of explanation: 81 had the great
est difficulty, sir, to prevent him exam
lining mel" This not-to-be-abashed
candidate for clerical honors promises
to be as worthy of the cloth as the Amer
lean minister who treated his village
congregation to one OF Mr.. Beecher's
sermons, unaware that the popular
Brooklyn preacher made one OF his
hearers. Accosting him after service,
Mr.. Beecher said "That was a fair
discourse; how long did it take you to
write itp"
"Oh, tossed it off one evening"" was
the reply.
"Indeed!" said Mr.. Beecher. "Well,
it took me much longer than that to
think out the framework of that SER
mon."
care you Henry Ward Beecher?"
asked the sernon-stealer.
81 am," said that gentleman.
"Well, then," said the other, not in
the least disconnected, "all [ have to
say is, that 1 amt ashamed to preach
one of your sermons anywhere"
"John Phnnix," the American hui
morist, being one night at theater,
fancied he saw friend some three seats
IN front of him. Turning to his next
neighbor he said: "Would you be kind
enough to touch that gentleman with
your stick?" Certainly" was the
reply, and the thing was done; but
when the individual thus assaulted turn
ed round, Phoenix saw he was not the
man he took him for, and became at
once absorbed in the play, leaving his
friend with the stick to settle matters
with the gentleman in front, which, as
he had no excuse handy, was not done
without considerable trouble. When
the hubbub was over, the victim said:
"Didn't you tell me to tap that man
with my stickp" eyes" "And what
did you want?" "Oh," said Phoenix,
with imperturbable gravity, 81 wanted
to see whether you would tap him or
not!"
"Jack Holmes" a man-about-town,
living no one knew how, was once I'M
der cross examination by a certain SER
geant-at-law, who knew his man too
well. "Now, SIR" said the learned
gentlemen, "tell the jury how you
live!"
"Well," said Holmes, ga chop or a
steak, and on Sunday perhaps a little
bit of fish; l am very plain-living
man."
You know what mean, sir" thun-
dered the questioner. "What do you
do for a living!"
"The same as you, sergeant" said
the witness, tapping his forehead sug-
gestively, "and when that fails do"-
going through the |pantomime of writ
ing across his hand-"a little bit of stuff
the same as you again"
"My lud, shall not ask the obtuse
witness any more questions, said the
angry counsel.
Brother" said Baron Martin, 81
think you had better not"
Here is hint for our old friend the
clown in the pantomime. At the burn
ing of provision store, the crowd help
ed themselves freely. One man grasped
a huge cheese as his share of the sal
wage; rising up with it he found himself
face to face with policeman, and with
admirable presence of mind put the
plumber into the officers arms, saying:
s'You had better take care of that, po-
liceman, or some one will be walking
off with it,
Ennnli,- ,.nnh,- To rnlinninish his loot