Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-04-19
From tho Burlington Hswkeye.
The Alling Man.

| had such pleasant cOmpahlon On IL
way home from Aurora. He got on at Bris
tol and took dinner at the Cosmopolitan
He sat with me at dinner, aud didn't seem t
have an appetite. He groaned when h
took up the bill of fare, and sighed as h
looked across the table at my order. and thel
shook his head dolefully and told the waite
| to bring him q little boiled trout. with eg
| sauce a bit of boiled mutton. with cape
sauce, some roast beef, n trifle rare, just
taste of roast lamb, turkey with cranberr.
| sauce, mashed potatoes, roast duck, som
pork and beans Boston style, stewed toma
toes, corn, turnips, squash. peas, bit o
cold tongue, some sharp relishes and q cul
OF coffee. Then he ordered some assorted
cake. cranberry pie Indian pudding and ic
cream for desert. and said he felt darnet
sight more like dying than eating.
If he dies as well as he eats. just imagine
Just think, what glorious, triumphant dealt
that man will die
Shortly after dinner the poor man CANT
into the COACH and sat down opposite me.
"Ah. he said with deep groan, Il dom
know what would give if l could eat like
! you"
'Sir. l said, in fine burst of Indignation
for feared he was going to accuse me O
swallowing my knife every time took bite
of pie. and just made up my mind that
would cut his heart out if he limited at such
a thing
'oh, it's fact" he replied. Il haven't
enjoyed a meal for years.
Was it possible? 2" asked in amazement.
Indeed, yes. he said, I'm all out of fix.
I've got no liver at all, to speak of"
l didn't suppose one liver would be of any
account to him. l rather thought that If he
could get couple of gangs OF livers, and
work them by reliefs, they might be able to
help him along especially if he had them
made of tin. But then he was stranger to
me, so didn't feel justified in making the
suggestion.
mo" he continued, my liver is of no
more account than lump of lead. Il sup
pose." he said plaintively. its as big as
four of yours"
And he looked at me with an appealing
glance as though he expected me to take my
liver out and let him examine it, as though
it were an oreide watch he wanted to trade
for
Now, if there is anything in this wide
beautiful world that will make me mad. 1t Is
to have q man who is ailing sit down and
bore me with a list of his diseases and n Ge-
tailed description of his anatomical derange-
ments. And the men of free America, it
seems to me, would rather talk about their
perishing livers than their never dying souls,
and it always makes me mad for man to
come at me AID burden me with complaints
about the torpidity of his liver. as though |
were his physician. am proud to confess TO
the blindest, densest Ignorance concerning
my own inner life l don't know whether my
liver is round or shaped like gun case, and
dent know where it is, and don't care a
continental although | always had the I'M
preston that it was Just under the shoulder
blades. So said to the man, with very great
enthusiasm
"Oh. do tell me all about your liver l
should SO like to know about it. l am SO in
terested in such things"
The man looked little susprised at my
sudden enthusiasm, but he said there wasn't
much to tell about it. II was as torpid he
said, as a snake in December.
''Oh, charming, charming " | exclaimed.
And is it tame Do you let il run around
loose or do you have to keep i; chained up :"
The stranger started, and looked as though
he would like to sit a little further away. lie
said he didn't exactly understand me.
And how is your spleen" l asked eager
ly. and your ventricles? Do tell me about
your thoracic duct. and how do you get along
with your tonsis? And have you raised any
new bones since | saw you last and when
did you hear from your diaphragm? Do tell
me all about your viscera make clinic of
yourself and tell me the Christian names of
your bones and the appurtenances thereto
Tell me-
But he got up and slowly backed out of
the car, and the conductor shortly afterward
told me that the man with the liver told him
that the man who escaped from the asylum
at Jacksonville last week was in the rear
coach.