The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1878-12-13
WAITS AND wHINIs.


IN what place are two heads better
than one? In a barrel.
WHY they call a sensational report a
"canard" is because one canardly believe
it, you know.
AN Irish newspaper calls the murder
of her five children by an English widow
"wholesale matricide."
WHAT is the difference between the
weather and the baby? One never rains
butt pours, and the other never pains
but it roars.
The wise man placeth the stock of his
gun TO his shoulder before he fireth, but
the fool looketh down the barrel to see
the ball start.
A CELEBRATED philosopher used TO
say, "The favors of fortune are like steep
rocks-only ..eagels and creeping things
mount to- the summit"
THE Norristown Herald has solved the
conundrum, "Why was Washington like
a newspaper man ?" Answer: Because
he couldn't tell lie"
A RHODE ISLAND fisherman claims TO
have landed a turtle weighing twelve
hundred pounds-but he couldn't have
landed in his own state.
The Detroit Free Press, notwith-
standing its new dress, suddenly dis
covers that the weather is too deucedly
careless.-T Buffalo Courier.
HUBIsM" is assuredly intuitive. A
little Beacon street four-year-old asked
his aunt if she thought he could be as
happy in heaven as in Boston.
IT is nothing to inherit a fortune.
Why, we are getting 80 accustomed TO
fall air that we begin to regard it as
common. - Keokuk Constitution.
The pensive Indian, as a work of ma
ture is grand and noble, but as a work of
art how useful he is to the toiling tobac.
conist = Hackensack Republican.
FROM the open windows of Pine
street house, Friday noon, their ioated
kut hi VI lllG tDMtNh ohA
cooking onions Danbury News.
THE ladies of Japan are said TO gild
their teeth, and those Of the Indies TO
paint theirs red, while in Guzerat the
test of beauty is to render them sable.
THE French government has ordered
three hundred of Paul Boyton's life
saving dresses. The money thus sceived
will enable Paul to keep afoat for
awhile. --
SANE JsiNr eity Of the soarbvsssevne.
ame," repEGER CoMNECFIafPy1
should be to stand higher IN your esti-
nation p
A BuRGLAR-PRooF vault 20 keep the
ianitor in, along with the combination
he holds to the money safe, is recon-
mended to New York bankers.-- Chicago
Journal.
MAMNiA-"We'd better 60 in, darling,
it threatens rain" Hsrry-"Oh, then,
it won't" Mamma--"Why?" Harry
s'Papa always threatens to whip me, but
he never does"
IT may add to 1.-THE interest which is
being revived in Down on the Old Su-
vance River" to know that it has alli~
gators eleven feet long Cincinnati
Breakfast Table.
WE are tickle as a people in our love
of popular songs. We first admire, then
run the thing in the ground. Finally;
we wind up by abusing the author.-
+ New York Commercial Advertiser.
orWHY should l be afraid? Am ] not
a soldiers son ?" said little fouryear
old Afghan in the bazsr of Peshawaur to
an English tourist, who said: Don't
be frightened--I want TO sketch you"
PARsox (sternly)-"How could you
came TO church to be married TO man
in such a state as that ?" Bride (weep
ine)-'It wasn't my fault, sir. / never
can get him to come when he's sober"
TIE best way to test friends is to try
To borrow a dollar toward the close of
the week.-TNew York Express. We
know way twice as good as that. Try
to borrow two dollars Boston Travel~
ler.
AUTUMN poetry and opinions OF ennis
nent persons concerning yellow fever, its
probable cause and certain cure, should
he handed in before snow comes If
Intended for publication.-[New Orleans
Picayune.
IT isreported that an humble tomb
toward the sunset bears as part OF it's
memorial legend these words: &c was
the first man that Horace Greeley ever
told-to get west. Likewise he was hanged
for stealing mule"
GAS everything indicates that we are
going TO have one of the coldest winters
ever known on this continent, Lydia
Thompson went and bought another
bracelet. She says she is going to keep
warm if she has TO smother herself.
Huntington Hawkeye.
THE passengers on an Erie express
train were much interested in the motions
and conversation of a young couple
going West, the other day, but the
general opinion was that they were not
a bridal party. That opinion was derived
from the following remark "George," "
che said to him tenderly, 81 think it's
almost time we were putting on our
winter fiannels. ."-[ Brooklyp Argus.
Resources of Alasla.
Hartford Post.
American enterprise is demonstratiu-