Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-01-18
From the n. Y. Times.
A CLERICAL CASTER.

I u O4-GlN1O-@l
Although the Times has the ut
most respect for the clergy, it is not
strictly speaking an ecclesiastical pa
per. Latterly it has gwen much
space to the discussion of clerical
topics, but this has been due solely
to the fact that such a surprising
quantity of things have happened to
SO many surprised ministers. These
things could not be passed over in 81
lence by a well-conducted news pa
per. and so long as ministers con.
tinue to make a practice Of having
things happen to them, just so long
Will it be necessary, in the interest
of morality, to call attention to them.
With this explanation let us proceed
to consider the recent able conduct
of a Tennessee minister, and the dis
comfture of his designing Elder.
The minister in question was of the
Presbyterian variety, and presided
over a Nashville congregation. On
second thoughts, it is perhaps better
to have him reside at Knoxville, the
latter being a more remote and quiet
town. His name was Hancock, but.
in order to spare his feelings, bis
name shall not be mentioned here,
and he shall be vaguely described as
a Tennessee minister. Thus, courtesy
and strict veracity can be combined,
and it has often been suggested that
in the treatment of quite large class
of subjects this combination might be
advantageously introduced into jour
nalism.
Closely connected with the minis
ter was combined Elder and grocer.
That is to say, he sold groceries six
days in the week and acted as an
Elder on Sunday. There are those
who would prefer to say that he
groced and -slded on week days and
Sundays respectively, but they would
thereby furnish a conspicuous exam.
pie of the folly of treating the Eng
iish language as though it were a
regular and well disciplined tongue,
instead of mob of words ruled by
prejudice instead of law. One would
naturally suppose that if a buyer is
one who buys and preacher one
who breaches, a grocer would be one
who groces and an Elder one who
elds, but the supposition would be
erroneous. This shows the folly OF
attempting to impose grammatical
pipe-clay upon the free corps of the
English vocabulary.
But to resume. The Tennessee Ed
er was a thrifty man and liberal
one. To be at once liberal and eco
nomical was the study of his life, and
by the happy expedient of combining
his sugar with sand and his tea with
sawdust he was able to give his Gus
toners liberal measure and to make
a handsome profit. On Christmas
Day the annual donation party took
place, and the Elder determined to
give his Pastor a handsome present
Noticing an advertisement in a Chi
cago paper which offered magnificent
silver-plated casters for one dollar
each, he bought caster, for the pur-
pose of presenting it to the minister
as a feeble token of his friendship
and admiration. He knew that the
minister would be tempted to meas.
ure his Elders friendship by the value
of his gift, and he therefore felt that
by affixing to the caster a tag mark
ed S14 he would add to the good
mans pleasure without directly ly-
ing. Accordingly, he prepared the
delusive tag, and, sending the caster
to the parsonage, felt that he had
been unprecedentedly liberal and
successfully economical.
Now, it had happened that eight
cen other members of the ministers
congregation had also seen the Chi
cago advertisement, and had pre-
sented their Pastor with magnificent
silver-plated casters-though with
out tags. When, therefore, among
the dazzling array of nineteen dis
tinct casters the Elders gift faunt-
ed its insincere legend, the eighteen
other givers felt indignant. Had
they been wise in their generation,
they would have kept quiet, and re-
ceived credit for having expended
S14 each for every caster; but they
were strictly honest people, and
they disliked the Elder, whose sug-
ar, they insisted, contained more
sand than the interior of the aver
age Tennesseean really required.
They therefore lost no time III ac-
quainting the Pastor with the Ell
der's little game-if that expression
can without Improperly be used in
connection with an Elder. The as
tute minister received the informa-
tion with a sweet, sad smile, but for
bore to express any opinion upon
the subject beyond suggesting that
some one might have cheated the
Elder by selling him a caster for an
extrayagant price.
This took place on Christmas
evening, and about 3 o'clock the
next afternoon the minister, carry
ing a small package, entered the Ell
der's grocery. Upward of a dozen
leading citizens were at that precise
moment engaged in splitting on the
grocery stove and exchanging other
social amenities. In their presence
the good pastor thanked the Elder
for his noble gift, and explained
that, while there were but few
things in this world that gave him
more real comfort than caster, he
could not but feel that, with a
world full of suffering all around
him, a conscientious man ought not
( T., ,,,,,,, mora tban aiohtaan casters