The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-10-19
PASSING SMILES.
IT is mournful to see man more'r
full lEhitehdH Times.


This Is the way, the teacher knows,
To mako boys smart for college.
--SiUwdter LuBibermdr.
| AN observing politician says that the
difference between those going in and
those going out of Office is mainly this /:
The former are sworn in, and the latter
go out swearing.
The difference between an executionei
and pugilist is simply this: The
former devotes himself to taking heads
of men and the latter to putting heads
on them. 4ibd',y Journal. iaas
Mr.. b, did you say, or did you
notsay, what said you said g-because
c. said you said you never did say
what said you said. Now, If you did
say that you did not say what | said you
said, then what did you sayY
"IM sorry, Mr.. Wilson, to see this
splendid field of potatoes SO seriously
diseased, . said sympathetic inspector.
"Aweel, it's great pity replied the
farmer; "but there's comfort--Jack
Thomson's is no bit betterp
on, give us the month with the rolckscme r,
That bringeth the yellewsome yam,
That wafteth the breeze of the brine from afar,
And beareth the oyster and clam.
We yeonen that yowl for the narrowing yam,
| Ye overs that oysters provide
] Ye campers that claw for the clamm ysone clam,
May blessings thy business betldel
81. louis Journal
OVER bridge at Athens, Ga, is the
following: amy person driving over
this bridge at q faster pace than walk,
shall, if II white person, be fined five
dollars, and if a negro, receive twenty
five lashes--half the penalty to be be-
slowed on the informer."
WHEN would-be-witty paragrapher
falls up against what he thinks is
funny idea and stopping to sharpen his
pencil, the idea goes off on visit some
where and cannot be recalled, he is sorry
he has not been educated for a wood
sawyer Breakfast Table.
The religious papers of England are
discussing the momentous question,
+" Ought clergymen to wear mustaches y
We think, as cold weather comes on,
they should, and on days of extreme
severity they might add pair OF
trousers and a thick vest.--Haackeye.
A FAoETIous brakeman on the Cen
trail Pacific Railroad cried out as the
train was about entering a tunnel.
I" This is one mile long and the train
will be four minutes passing through
it." The train dashed through into
daylight again in four seconds, and the
scene in the car was q study for ~
painter. Seven young ladieswere closely
!. pressed by seven masculine arms, four
teen pairo of lips we're glued together, and
two dozen inverted whisky TASKS
flashed in the air.
HUMBOLDT saw on the slope Of the
Cerra Drida shirt-trees fifty feet high
trees from which the Indians procured
their shirts."f A shirt-tree is q decided
novelty, and if it could only be grated
so that it would also bear trousers and
vests and coats and boots, a tree agent
could sell lots of EN- for more than fifty
cents apiece. The owner Of several acres
of such trees would have to employ al
entire military company to watch hi
orchard when loaded with fruit, or shift
less tramps would rob it every night.
, THE GRAPE.
See the azure-tinted grape
Grateful grape
What world Of colicosity
The children would escape
II by any art Of learning
And by any mode of turning
They could learn
How TO turn
From the grape.
AS II bangles on the vine
= With its entrails full Of wine,
There's detected in Its shape
, All tho horrors
And the sorrors
, That betide the hearse and Grape;
Yet we graphic with the grape,
And we grope through all the groupings
OF the gripiDgs Of the scrape-
oh, the grape, grape, grape,
Grape, grape, grape, 49,
nh tho orottn NJ grnnpliup qrIDiuQg OF tn,
grape. st. Louis Journal
5 A FINE tooth comb has been found in
: an old chimney of house in Green
witch, where General Putnam is said to
have resided The comb is marked
: p, 177S," and the local paper says. IL
r was undoubtedly the property of the
General" The picture this suggests O
! the redoutable soldier turning from
} the capture of Hessians to the capture O
} other depredators upon patriotic blood
and then restoring his sanguined uten
! sill to its recess in the chimney corner
is calculated to recall wildly the print
, tive and simple manners of the time
that tried mems souls"-and occasion
. ally their caputs.-,Stamford advocate.
, /" DON'T take away our pockets, Dame
Fashion p implores lady-believer II
them. They are not worn. What thel
are we to do with our keys, pencil, AM
Q thimbles? What misnomers, then, ar
$ pocket-books and pocket-handkerchiefs
s The masculine portion of the famil.
e have pockets in coats, and vests, s.
: many and various that we wonder a
!, the numerical calculation it must re
d quire to keep track of them all, and ad
e mire the skill with which they SO readil,
!, find their belongings. Shall we submit
y to the inconvenience of having none q
Q all, and be forced to carry purse AM
; handkerchief for ever in our hands
9 which we SO often need for other pun
s poses? 1t is with feelings akin to env
g that we remember the substantial, ca
0 pacious pockets of our mothers an
|. grandmothers, in the good old-fashione
a DAYS. Made out OF stout holland, the,
J. were .rtied about their ample waists i
$ the morning, when they rose with tn
a sun to begin the labors of the day
e Surely in these days Of invention an
y improvement we may expect equal cor
y veniences.
d GREAT men are said to become 80 b
d aiming high and wasting no time Q
e small things, but although a man ma
Il be way up in the hay-loft Of fame, thel
n are times, generally just before rail-
when he tenderly remembers the tir
little corn he ever had.