The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-12-05
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

DEFINITION of coolness-stepping up
to a Bank President and asking,
"Who's your janitor?"-Cincinnati
Commercial.
HISTORY has no hero who is admired
by the average boy so much as the man
who splits at a mark through his teeth.
Rockford Courier.
Poor Artemus Ward invented a
great many fish stories, but he is not
the Fishery A. Ward of whom we now
read so much.-Cn. Star.
YOUNG clergymen will please leave
the size of their feet with the sexton at
the church in season for Christmas
slippers.-Neso Orleans Picoyune.
"DO you see what a fine country
residence have here, Pat?' "Ah, Wis,
sir; do that. Here could I live for
ever, and die in peace. "-Rochester En-
press.
~ SENT every one of you an auto
graph letter written by my clerk" was
the form in which a touching appeal
was lately made to churches delinquent
in contributions.
The Holyoke News tells about some
one selling out for mess of potash"
The colored statesman in South Caro-
lima was more happy when he called it
"a mess of partridges.'
An! none SO neat and patty
As can compare with Patty
Pretty Patty!
A stew, a fry. a broil is we'll.
pearly raw on the half shell,
But words are weak the charms to tell
Ut dainty Patty-Oyster Patty"
al
tainted a few days ago at her first sight
of railroad train. The sight Of
fashionable woman's train would prob
ably have driven her crazy. Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
DEATH and marriage are two evils to
which all men come sooner or later.
10 the first they come unwillingly, to
the last with certain eagerness which
shows how profound is their ignorance
OF consequences.-N. Y. Herald.
Now LOOKS the OK from out his stall
The farmer man to see
As quick he spreads apOn the floor
The grain 80 temptingly.
Then sings around the ancient barn
The lively autumn gale,
The bovine a1 flaps l his s tail: Ills mali
. THEY we're twins, were ersSt these ese'', two
little girls, and Pat said, "Them gals
is cousins, amt they?'' "No." replied
the mother, they are twins" "Yees
don't say so,'' said Pat; "well, now,
bedad, they look enough alike to be
sisters"
WHEN man is hanging by his toes
from the cornice of ahigh building, and
expects momentarily to drop, nothing
so completely treasures and so thor
Oughly satisfies him as the sudden dis
covery that he is safely at home in bed.
Rome (N. ~ Sentinel.
A FELLOW by the name of Ephraim
Hazeltine wrote to New York book
seller as follows: "Dere sur: if view
hev gut book called Daniel Webster on
a brige pleas to send me a copy by
Pyser's express C. o. Id want ter git
it ter-morrer if kin, cause my spelin
techer says oughter hev it,
lis MIR. MURPHY in, Mrs. Murphy?''
Eye know he isn't, Mr.. Rafferty,"
AN is he out, Mrs: Murphy?'' Eye
know he is, Mr.. Rafferty, AN are
ye in, Mrs. Murphy?'' Is Faith! an ye
know 1 am, Mr.. Rafferty," cam am
l out, Mrs. Murphy?' Yis; an be
the loikes av ye, ye'll stay there, Mr..
RAFFERTY, and the door swung to with
a bang.
DIR. BYLEs' wit once met with a Sc
we're retort. Encountering lady who,
having declined an offer of marriage
from the doctor, had married a gen.
tleman of the name of Quincy, he said,
$50, madam, it appears you prefer a
quinsy to biles." Eyes" she replied,
''for if there had been anything worse
than biles God would have afflicted Job
with them"
ALL honor to the man whose cpl
taph is written below; we meier shall
look upon his like again. When he
departed his friends put up a marble
slab with this inscription, the duplicate
of which you will hardly find in any
other country of the globe:
An honest fellow here is laid,
His debts in full he always paid:
And what Is more rare, his neighbOrs tell u.s.
He sent back borrowed umbrellas.
IN. Y. Herald.
AT mansion, notorious for its scanty
fare, a gentleman was inqCiring of the
gardener about dog he had lately
given to the Laird. The gardener
showed him a lank greyhound, on
which the gentleman said: "No, no;
the dog gave your master was mas
tiff, not greyhound;'' to which the
gardener quietly answered.: "1ndeed,
ony dog MIGHT sumo become a grey
hound by stoppin' here. ''-English
Paper.
A PANAMA newspaper tells the fol-
lowing story of the sagacity of a dog:
"When the dog wishes to cross the
river where alligators abound, he goes
up the stream a great way off and
banks with all his might. The alliga-
tors 90 there and wait for his getting
in to 60 across. The dog knows what
he is about. When he sees from the
number of shouts above the water that
his enemies have all gathered to the feast,
he runs down the bank as fast as he can
and swims across before the alligators
are aware of the trick that has been
played upon them"
The Sheridan and Schurz COntrO yersy.
The ChicaUO n4nQrS IF NOvpmhnr %