Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-05-10
"Your imperial highness: On or about

| d1nys
went away. But was exasperated
now. said would haunt them; would
infest every department of this ubiquitous
government till that contract business
was settled I would collect that bill, OF
fall as did my predecessors. trying. as
sailed the Post master General; Ibesieged
the Agricultural Department; waylaid
/ the Speaker of the House Of Representa-
tives. They had nothing to do with army
contracts for beef. moved upon the
Commissioner of the Patent Office.
said:
Your august ExcellencY: On or about
=, es esas.
ssPerdition! have you got here with
your incendiary beef contract, at last
We have nothing to do with beef contracts
for the army, my dear sir"
ooh, that is all very well, but someEo-
dy has got to pay for that beef! It has got
to be paid aeoau, too, or I'll confscate this
old Patent Office and everything in it,
"But, my dear sir" 1s.r +
ut don't make any difference. sir. The
Patent Office is liable for that beef. I
reckon = and liable, or not liable, the Pat
ent has got to pay for it."
Never mind the details. 1t ended in
fight. The Patent Office won. But found
out something to my advantage. I was
told that the Treasury Department was
the proper place for me to go. T went
there. I waited two hours and half, aud
then I was admitted to the First Lord OF
the Treasury. I said:
''Most noble,grave and reverend Seignor:
On or about the 10th day of October, 1861,
John Wilson Macken-n
'sThat is sufficient, sir, I have heard of
you. 60 to the First Auditor of the
Treasury"
I did so. He sent me to the Second Au-
Auditor. The Second Auditor sent me to
Che Third, and the Third sent ME to the
Comptroller of the Corn-Beef Division.
This began to look like business. He ex-
amined his books and all his loose papers,
but found no minute of the beef contract.
1 went to the Second Comptroller of the
Corn Beef Division. He examined his
books and his loose papers, but with no
success. I was encouraged. During that
week I got as far as the Sixth Comptroller
in that division the next week 1 got
through the Claims Department the third
week began and completed the Mislaid
Contracts Department, and got a foot hold
in the Dead Reckoning Department. I
finished that in three days. There was
only one place left for it now. I laid siege
to the Commissioner of Odds and Ends
self. There were sixteen beautiful young
ladies in the room, writing in books, and
there were seven well favored young clerks
showing them how. The young women
smiled up over their shoulders and the
clerks smiled back at them, and all went
merry as marriage bell. Two or three
clerks that were reading the newspapers
looked at me rather hard, bat went on
reading, and nobody said anything. How
ever, I had been used to this kind of alac-
rity from Fourth Assistant Junior Clerks
all through my eventful career from the
very day entered the first Office of the
Corn-Beef Bureau clear till 1 passed out
Of the last one in the Dead Reckoning Di-
vision. had got so accomplished by this
time that could stand on one foot from
the moment entered an office till clerk
spoke to me, without changing more than
two, or maybe three times.
So stood there till had changed four
different times. Then said to one of the
clerks who was reading
s'Illustrious Vagrant where is the Grand
Turk 2"
''What do you mean, sir whom do you
mean ? If you mean the Chief of the Blu
reau he is Out.''
sWill he visit the harem to day 20
The young man glared upon me awhile
and then went on reading his paper. But
I knew the ways Of those clerks, knew I
was safe, if he got through before another
New York mail arrived. He only had two
more papers left. After awhile he finish
ed them, and then he yawned, and asked
me what wanted.
Renowned and honored Imbecile; on
or about
s'You are the beef contract man. Give
me your papers,
He took them and for long time he
ransacked his odds and ends. Finally he
found the Northwest. Passage as regard
ed it-he found the long-lost record of that
beef contract-he found the rock upon
which so many of my predecessors had
split before they ever got to it. was
deeply moved. And yet L rejoiced, for I
had survived. I said with emotion, ''Give
it to me. The Government will settle
now.'' He waved me back, and said there
was something yet to be done first.
"Where is this John Wilson Macken-
zie?'' said he.
dead"
'sWhen did he die?"
''He didn't die at all-he was killed.
ssHow?''
''Tomahawked."
'Who tomahawked him2"
"Why, an Indian, of course: Y u didn't
suppose it was a superintendent of Sun
day school, did your"
'sNo. An Indian, was it?"
"The same"
Shame of the indiana"
Ellis name! I don't know his NAME"
'sMust have his name. Who saw the
COMMUNICATING done?"
81 don't knows 80
"You were not present yourself, then?"
(which you can see by my hair. was
ABSENT
'sThen how do you know that Maeken-
zie is deadp'' sssst E@
ssBecause he certainly died at that time,
and I have every reason to believe that he