, 1878-07-25
Wit and HumOr.
MAN proposes, but-he is not

lar is said to be an excellent profile like
ness of Mrs. Edison. This is, of course,
funny-grsph.
"PAPER, sirl' asked the newsboy.
"No, never read, " was the blunt answer.
"Hi, boys, come here" called out the
gamin; "here's man as is practisin for
the jury"
A BRIpGEpoRT man has been twenty
years perfecting machine to enable him
10 tlv over Niagara Falls. 1t would have
been cheaper, we think, to have taken to
the bridge.
soul s'ExCUsE s'ACCUsE." - Officer
Visiting rounds, midnighU to sentry:
@How is it you did not challenge us1"
Private "Sure, sir, did not know who
you were"
BEG pardon, madam, for stepping on
your train,' said fop at II ball, then
added, "you ought to have cow-catcher
on it." "And would have caught a
calf" said the lady.
as there any danger of the supply of
fuel becoming exhausted ?" asks scien.
tifc writer. If he lives in a close neigh
borhood, and don't keep his coal house
locked, we should think there is.
SwELL-'I want you to make me
short coat, without tails or seams in the
back. DO you know what / meant"
German tailor-"Yaas, yaas, l know
vat you want. You want straight
jacket
A BEAUTIFUL little Brooklinc girl, be-
ing reproved the other day by her elder
sister for using slang expression, sharp
ly retorted: "Well, if you went into so.
ciety more you would hear slang. y
BrookLine Chronicle.
A YOUNG lady who is doing the Alps
reports progress to her guardian: 81
tried yesterday to climb the Matterhorn; :;
didn't near reach the top. 1t is absurdly
high everything is in this country
please send me 8"
II SHALL not 60 to the masquerade uu.
less I'm masked" said young man to his
companion, as they were promenading up
Main street Monday eveEing. ~ shall
not unless Tn asked, either,n she re.
piled He took the hint and invited her
on the spot.
He was fully six feet tall, yet he
straightened up and exclaimed, "Talkng
Of short men, look at mel" And no one
could tell what he meant until he turned
both pockets wrong side out and gasped,
"Who is there in the crowd that'l lend
me aquarter"
BlLL-'I say, Mary, run and ask julie
to come and play with u.s. Mary-"You
know, Bill mother says you amt to call
him Jule-his names Julius" Bill
"Well, what does she call me Bill for,
then2 shan't call him Julius until she
calls me Bilious"
A RENSSELAER, Qnd) clerk mesmer-
lied servant-girl, and no one could get
her to her senses again for twenty.
hours. When she came to she told the
astonished spectators she had "heard all
they said, but was unable to do Gny-
thing" The same old trouble. Every
servant-girl is subject to it.
CHEAP ENoUGH.-Our prices for pub
fishing original poetry are as follows:
Very good-Gratis.
Medum--Ten cents per lineS
Common-Twenty cents per line.
Bad-Not any price.
Very bad-In advertising columns at
card rates.
Horrible (such as will make people
laugh)-Gratis.-New Orleans Times.
The enthusiasm of Jones was awful,
especially to Brown, who had to listen to
it by the yard and hour. "What can l
dol" perforated the enthusiastic one.
"What o what2 My Julia is beauteous-
angelic Cupid they say is blind.
True, am blind, know it; but under
the circumstances, what, o what, can
do9" Brown sugared his third tumber
with sweet care, and got good light to
his fourth regalia, then be spoke: swell,
JONES'" said Brown, "if, as you say, you
are blind, say marry Miss Julia; that
will be sure to open your eyes"
BEING thrown in company with the
Governor, we made pass at him with
one OF our best, and received in return
the following: "You don't remember
old RI No; he left this country be-
fore you came. He was a stone mason
by trade, and operated all over the coun-
try, About the time Deweys Bank
failed, I met him at little gathering in
Mecklenburg. After shaking hands he
took me to one side, saying he desired to
ask me a question. Now, Governor
said he, this is matter of little deli
cacy, and you are at liberty to answer it
or not. want to know if McAden's
Bank is going to have trouble'' Assum'
ing an air of deep meditation, the Cover
nor replied, yes; have no hesitation in
telling you that | know it is going to
have troublel My luckH replied the
stone mason, Il knew something was
wrong. never put cent in bank in
my life but what was swnded y Hold
said the Governor, without relaxing one
line Of his masked features, what al
luded to is this; they have my note for
twenty-five hundred dollars, and they'll
have darned sight of trouble getting
the money. ."-ASheUikLe Pioneer.
THERE is a bill before the State Legis-