The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-01-03
WIT AND HUMOR.
A PORT Of cntry-Port-wine.

A L ONA VI Cne1 J-A OAe-NAnO'
A SERIOUS man may not be proverbial
for wisdom, though he be a solemn un.
WHEN a man complains Of feeling "all
gone, {" is it safe toinfer that he is used
up?"
The girl who imbibed freely Of apple
juice was, for time thereafter, be-cider-
self.
A wHIPsAw Trouble drives a man to
strong drink, and strong drink drives
him into trouble.
A PATENT broomstick, which can be
reconstructed after being broken over
delinquent husbands head, is the
latest invention.
A LITTLE girl, while watching the
rain, turned to her mother and said:
Ma, I guess the weather's so warm it's
melting the Clouds"
A TURKISH merchant vessel, called the
Beard of Mahomet, was sunk recently
in the Black sea. The best thing the
owners can do is to razor.
E1NoRA-Both of your poems are
wrong in meter, and we think that you
will discover that two wrongs don't
make one write-poetry.- Whitehall
Times.
A MOTHER seeing her little 4-year-old
nearly asleep in her chair, asked if she
had not better so to bed. "Oh, no,
mamma; I only shut my eyes to keep
the dust out. %
A NANTUCKETER has raised wheat
from seed found in the hand of an
Egyptian mummy. He is now ex-
perimenting with corns taken from the
mummy's feet.-Pasck.
HERE is a problem for scientists. Why
is it that in winter overshoes are called
Arctic, while they keep us warm; and in
summer soda-water is called Arctic and
keeps us cool ?"-Detgojt Free Press.
TWENTY ONE Freshmen were suspend
ed from an English college because a
professor couldn't find out who placed a
ten-ounce tack in his chair. He, how
ever knew all about who sat down on it.
OLD Mrs. Pritchard, of Newport, says
that when she was a girl a man could
drive three yoke Of oxen with less fuss
than one of 'em makes in putting the
shoes on babynow-a-days. breakfast
Table.
TIE ambitious warbler who is trying
to climb to glory by flooding our waste
basket with sonnets written in pale red
ink, will have to get there by some other
route. Brick-colored manuscript has
about the same effect on near-sighted
editor that a crimson shawl does on
male cow Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
"YoU wasn't around when they dealt
out hair, was you?" said a red-headed
Car. "Yes, I was there" said the man
with The skating-rink on the top of his
head; 81 was there, but they offered
me handful OF red, and told them to
throw it into the coal-scuttle to kindle
the fire with. "-LOWiSUiLLe Courier
Journal.
AL DUDLEY was a prominent lawyer
in Tuolumne county, Gal. He was en-
ployed to defend client for stealing
hog-jury trial. Dudley made an elo-
quent and successful plea. The man was
He was grateful, but had no
money. Chow can [ ever repay you,
Mr.. Dudley? / haven't a cent. Accept
my thanks. "Thanks be hanged p
said Al. "Serd me side Of the pork.
On a railroad line, recently, a passen-
ger stopped the conductor, and asked,
&C Why does not the train run faster?"
" It goes fast enough to suit us. II you
don't like the rate of speed get off and
walk, :" was the reioinder. 81 would"
replied the passenger, settling back in
his seat, "but my friends wouldn't come
for me until the train comes In, and I
don't want to be waiting around the sta
ton two or three hours"
A JOLLY son of the ocean was about
being put on board an outward bound
ship, for which he had previously en-
tered, when he asked leave to have an
other run sup town" Being informed
that he could NOT be permitted to go,
IS the ship was. about to sail, he sang
put to a man on the wharf, an entire
stranger to him: "Here my friend"
throwing him 5s piece, spend that for
ne-Tn do as much for you another
ime."
Ho