Connecticut western news., 1878-05-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

The wings are on the bird
 When acrons are short out West the hogs are put at half-mast.
 Things always look very Pacific be- tween California and the Sandwich Islands.
 We say, "The mystery of death, The saddest in earth's history"
 Were there no mystery h life, Then death would be no mystery.
 Unless you manage to enjoy little bit of heaven here you will not be likely to have very much of it hereafter.
 A good name is like the cloud Of insense which remains in the church long after the fire in the censor has gone out.
 The dyer dyes awhile, then dies-
 To dye he's always trying; Until upon his dying bed He thinks no more of dySing-
 The good deeds of life are the notes of beautiful song which the angels sing to us as we walk through the dark valley of the shadow of death.
 Concerning the rumor that r. T. Barnum has remembered PA editors in his will, the Detrolt Free Pross shouts, "We'd like one giraffe now ]"
 Sidney Smith once rebuked swear ing visitor by saying, " Let us assume that everything and everybody are damned and proceed with our subject"
 Economic all you can in the use of matches. The pine forests will all be swept away in the next forty or fifty years at the present rate of consumption
 Worth thinks every dress ought to have some " expression" The greatest " expression about worth's dresses is made by the husband when he sees the bill.
 -"H g man has tiger by the tail, which wouId be the best for his personal safety-to hold on or to let goF is sug- gested as conundrum for a debating society.
 | -Ifaman wants Q little moro than any of his neighbors have it is hard Co make him happy, but If he wants only what he absolutely needs he can be | happy anywheEo.
 A schoolmaster thus describes q money lender 'sHe serves you in the present tense; he lends in the condition al mood keeps you in the subjective and ruins you in the future" :" .r | Somebody has written to EJison, asking him to get up an honest gas-me- ter, but he refuses, point blank, to haz- ard his reputatisn- He says the line must be drawn somewhere. ! -Swell-'sI want you to make me . short coat without tails or seams in the back. Do you know what | mean q :. German tailor-"Yaas, yaas, IknovFS you want. You vant a straight-jackek. ~
 =" Exercise your patience for while and you will get practice" said an old physician to a young doctor who hal re- gently ''hung out his shingle." '' Yes. but don't have any patients to exer- else" was the reply.
 An Illinois man. with a foresight worthy of better cause, popped the question on railroad train, and now the maiden is at loss to decide as to which county she had better commence pro ceedings in for breach of promise.
 We heard man complain about the weight of bis baby the other day, and to our certain knowledge that same man used to hold the mother of that baby in his arms cheerfully hour after hour after the fond parents of said girl had gone to their virtuous couch. e-.-r,
 In a recent case for assault the de- fendant pleaded guilty. ''.I think I must be guilty" sad he, '' because the plaintiff and were the only ones in tho room and the first thing knew was that I was standing up, and he. was doubled over the table. You'd better call it guilty" ,. .-.s..--.., ....
 A lawyer about to finish . bill of costs, was requested by his client. a baker, to make 1t as light as possible "Ahp said the lawyer, "you might properly enough say that to the fore man of your establishment; but that is not the way I make my bread.
 A gentleman who did not live very happily with his wife, on the maid telling him that she was going to give her mis- tress warning, as she kept scolding her from morning till night, Happy gnl r said the master; " I wish l could give warning, too" m
 This is boys composition on girls. Ee says: "Girls are the only folks that has tbeir own way every time Girls is of several thousand kinds, and sometimes one girl can be like several thousand other g1rls if she wsnts to do anything. This is all know about girls, and father says the less I know about them the better off I am." a .a.a t
 Rev. MT. G. of Stirling remark ed to one of his hearers that he had heard he was about to be married for the third time. The reverend gentleman added, They say, John, you're getting money with her you did so on the last two occasions you'll get rich by the wives" |" Dear sir, quietly responded John, "what wi bringin' them in and putin them out, there's nae muckle. made O them"