The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-08-22
Cardinal McClosky is expected 10
visit Detroit this month.

Cardinal McClosky is expected 10
visit Detroit this month.
Barnum announces that any man
who takes his life can go in his show
for nothing.
The human heart is like a buck
wheat cake. Once cold it can never
be itself again.
To be happy is to be an engineer of
a soda fountain. 1t is light business
-gassy at any rate.
Ladies of fastidious taste are now
said to insist on bathing in stockings.
An unregenerate exchange AYERS
that woman's sphere is that she won't
get husband.
An old negro cook says: 'Sass is
powerful good in everything but
children. Dey need some oder kind
Of dressin'.'
Franklin said ..Time is money
Benjamin was right; time is what the
average newspaper man pays his
debts with.
Instead of inquiring what are the
wild waves saying !amore direct way
is to apostrophize them thus: Wild
waves. what dyer soy
To the American boy there is an
awful, majestic, difference in the
weight between the but-end of fish
pole and a hoe-handle.
Parties who wish to visit the sea-
shore from the West. are delighted to
know they can borrow money two per
cent. lower than they did two years
ago to visit the Centennial.
\ boy at school being asked to de-
scribe Il kitten said:-"A kitten is re-
markable for rushing like mad ut
nothing whatever, and stopping be-
fore it gets there!''
\ chap dreamed for twenty consec-
ntive nights that he was out riding,
and he couldn't imagine any reason
for the fact until he discovered that
his bed was Il little buggy.
\ man was killed by circular saw.
ana IN his obituary notice it was stated
that he was a good citizen, and IN
upright man, and an ardent patriot.
but OF limited information in regard
TO circular saws.
who has seen bald-heiuied
woman asks the Inter Ocean. We
have no doubt a good many persons
have: but unhappily the woman sue
ceeded in killing them before they
had a chance to tell of it.
why do You suppose college is
| such learned place asked one
gentleman. of another. 81 rather
| suspect. was the reply, "thaC us ev-
cry body takes a little learning there
with him, and nobody ever brings
any away, the learning accumulates. .
do you know what bulldozing
IS asked a man of an old farmer.
Il thought | did," said the granger,
but the bull wasn't DOING; he was
only making believe, and, being in
the middle of "A forty acre lot, / natur-
ally had to make pretty quick time to
reach the fence ahead of him"
\ man in church fair who had
flfty-cent bowl of oyster stew, sudden
ly rose in excitement and began to
pull off his coat and vest. why do
you do that !" asked the pious frau
lady who took the fifty cents.
why !" he cried, There is l'ttle
oyster away down in there. and I'm
| going TO dive for it,"
\ yourg lady of six summers, liy.
ing in the southern part of the city,
rushed into her mothers presence OH
sunday last, with the remark:
Mother, wonders will never cease
why, my dear!" .Why, Mr. and
Mrs. w. are sitting on the porch
talking just as sweet as though they
weren't married !"
\ widow who used to go forth ey-
cry day with a watering pot and
| sprinkle her husbands grave, upon
being highly mplimcnted for her
| devotion replied: Il told Jimmy ce-
fore he died that / wouldn't marry
again until the grass grew on his
| grave. and rs grass is rather back
ward this season. thought Id hur-
~ it up a little
The Iamented X. left a charming
widow and a daughter who grew IN
TO he even more charming. She grew
up with fearful rapidity, too. espe-
cially from her mother point of view.
ny, Florence. what big girl YOU
~ c getting to bel How old are yo,,l''
SAID. one day, an old friend Of the
family. Fifteen aid half almost"
replied the girl; ..but don't let ina
know
1t really seems that the nail wac
struck square on The head when the
Indian Bureau was transferred to the
War Department. 1t has bean dem
0nstrated TO moral certainty that
the government although at times
las seemed to act rather slow in come
matters has. in the matter of dealing
with the savagcs on the Pacific coast.
done noble and efficient work. The
savages appear TO be fleeing in large
numbers toward the different agencies
for the purpose Of surrendering them
selves, which is wise on their part
considering that they have to Cons
tend. while on the war path. with
such men as Col. Miles, CuI. FORSYTH
and q few other Indian fighters who
are determined TO protec. the frontier
at all hazards.