The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-04-30
We Mean the Rifth One, Under the
Wagon.

John -which-we-Or-he, she or it
whoa! Johnl- i
THE reader will please draw upon imag.
inaiion here while the writer hunts that
mule. He-excuse us-she or il-has get
10 ne shod, II il kicks the whole stable 10
piecesJ
Whoa! John!
Talking about the mule. Il there more
cussed vsrmint on Gods green earth. than
the mule? Observe those ears. VIA,
were they made for? To hear with? II
they we're, the mule is undoubtedly the
''hearinsest" bug saoat.
A mules ear has always been . mystery
10 us II is yet. Sometimes We think a
. kind Providence whitfield the dern thing
out for an Overcoxt.
That is in winter.
In summer il looks like concavs sec.
ton Of the Mammoth Cave-then, we vish
to crawl in them to cool of.
But mule il mule. There j. all there
isof it The personi6csiion u mesnness is
ihst quadrupcd.
Talking about mean thing, how's this:
Some gentlemen we're talking about
n,eanncss. when one said he knew q man on
Lexington Avenue Who vac the meAnest
man in New York.
why. he j. so mean that he keep, q Eve
cent piece with string tied to il, To give
tn bessars, and when their backs are turn
i hus ..rtx 4 e..fs kus~
this man is 40 mean, continued the gentle
man, that he gave his children ten cents
apiece the night before the Fourth of July,
aud during the night, when they we're
asleep. he went up stains, took the money
out OF their clothes. and then whipped
them in the morning for losing IT.
'DOes he do anything else?
Yes, the other day I dined With him, anil
! noticed the pocr little servant girl whis-
Ting gaily sll the way up stairs with the
desert, and when ] asked NV generous
friend what made her keep whistlIng. so
happily, he said: why. I keep her whi.-
tlinS. SCI she can't eat the raisins out of the
cake
Mind you, We wont s~ear the above is
true, but If it amt. it ought to be.
Well, the good lord help Us all.
Why j. it when fellow j. blown up in q
steamboat, and has the good luck 10 crawl
ashore, falls ON his marrow bones, and
thanks the 'GoOj Lord" aud in hour and
80 minutes that same fellow has dry sui,
Of clothes on hi. back, sitting in an Arkan-
sss log house and turning the ace IRON the
bottom?
! Another hard "quesh'n"
This Is why We always find comfort in
religion.
1t Is 0 ,od to be pious!
Somehow or other, we always thought
we were foreorlaine,l tn be a minister.
Aud then-somehow or Other, We thought
We started in wrong. But here's how an
other one Uf 'Our" fellows struck il:
The elder come into oar village to-day,
Ills goods piled higi, "n a two-horse drav,
With his wife and child AMI u crrpet bag
> Trailing on behind with q spawned nag.
The carpenter stopped his saw to gaze;
The merchant laid down roll Of baixe;
: The milliner dropped a new spring hat,
In her haste 10 lOok-fslling over the cat
Miss Smith said ais furniture all looked
old;
Mis- Jones said his baby was dressed toe
cod;
Miss Blbh. sighed sadly her curis among,
j"Why u 1t that ministers marry so young?'
The deacon came in in the afternoon;
Said he didn't expect them in 80 soon,
But he came to help and arrange the
Il room;
So he dropped his cane and picked up .
broom
Z And he set up . stove, put carpet down,
q And the sweat rolled of his old bald crown
And he talked ~ only deacon can,
Giving good advice to the coming man:
lyon had better avoid all politics,
Il was that got Job<on into fx,
For he said that Grant Vas an ALFRED
dunce,
And they starved him out in Just siz
| months.
And Elder Todd, from the German Flats
Went right straight back on the DEM
ocrats;
In his firs, donation he failed for backer-
Hadn't stamps enough 10 buy the crackers,
"On total depraviiy come out strong,
Take crack at the devil in going along
That's doctrine ! always took comfort
Il in
That We 20 to hell for Old Adam. sin.
aSancti6cation ron Just let slide,
For the member that had il has lately died
Nor we dom; gp much ON new idees
Of \ grswth in grace nor in mustard trees.
al liberal Christians let drive shot.
Aud for the open communists make il hot
II the people hear the trne gospel ring
They will back you up in most any thing.
"And want to tell you Just where to 60
When you make your pastoral calls. you
|. know.
Don't never call on Deacon Brown;
He's the worst old gossip there Is in town.
"The Sewing Circle met Tuesday nights,
But u closed With one Of the cruelest fights
Mn President Fitch, the ambitious thing,
Got counted in BY radical ring.
And, Elder, I think ,ha. tn. sister. say
They are comm to help You some pleasant
| day
To arrange your luggage above and below,
And tell your vile wha, 10 do, you know.
II All his duties done, the deacon, adjourned,
But on, on the doorstep again he turned;
"Remembsr, no polisics, elder. dear,
The people Won't stand any nonsense here. I"
10 .
The elder looked sadly At the cold. bare
walls,
A. the rafting windows and eusty halls.
At the rusty stove and the dismal room,
At the inside damp and the outside gloom.
Then he turned his eyes to 9 corner, where
The gentle wife sat in = muffled chair,
Sat lulling the crying babe TO sleep;
Then the elder sat down BY the stove to
weep.