The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1878-04-05
rrsrsSe a WIDOW.

Mr.. THORPE, a middleaged Wild
over, some time ago, paid his address
Is to Mrs. Bolts, a widow on the sha-
dy side Of forty. Thorpe is rich, and
after the widow accepted him he be-
gan to fear that maybe she had taken
him for his money, so he concluded
to test her to ascertain IL she really
loved him for himself alone. 80 one
evening when they were sitting to-
gether in the parlor he said to her;
"Hannab, I've something unpleas-
ant to tell you, but I am going to do
il because consider il right that you
should know il. Hannah, what would
you say IL I informed you that one Of
my knee pans is gone, and that have
a patent hinge on that leg'"
IL should say that I cared nothing
for that, my dear; I have only one
toe on my LEFT fol. The sshsrs wee
frost.bitten of, and the ankle is twist.
ed around and crooked"
"You don't telli" said Thorpe.
"well, but I've something worse
than that I might ss well confess
now that the bald place on the top Of
my head Is not really my scalp I've
been trepanned. I have silver plate
concern set In my skull--a kind Of
skylight. You can lin Il up and zee
down on the inside Of me"
Tam glad you mentioned 1t, dear. =
said the widow, "for II gives me
courage to tell you that have not
hair of my own on my head. I am
as bald as chandelier globe"
as that so? Gnciousl I never
should have suspected it. But you
will be surprised TO learn that none Of
my teeth are natural. All false, and
besides that, I have 10 year IN Indi,
rubber thingamagig on my palate to
keep it from dropping down."
81 am very sorry for you, John, but
it's some comfort that al my teeth are
false, too. and that ! am perfectly
blind in my right eye. 1t looks like
good eye, but it absolutely amt
worth q cent
"Great heavenl Why didn't you
tell me this befoses" exclainstl Thorpe.
"But while we are on this subject, I
will say further, that ! have chronic
torpidIty Of the liver. How does
that strike your"
"Oh, ! don't mind it,sssid Mrs.
Bolts, because have been bilious
and dyspeptic for twenty years; and
besides | am one rib short. II was
broken in railroad accident, and the
doctor had to cut it out. I'm subject
to fits, too" q 4
"This is HORRIBLE said Thorpe.
"Mrs. Bolts, think you ought 70
have mentioned these things to me
when proposed to you.9 u imagined
that I was addressing woman,a COM
plete human creature. But what are
you, Mrs. Bolts! You appear to me
to be kind Of dhpidsied al wreck,
with not morn half the usual MACH.
merry about you. 1t is wonder to me
that you don't fall to pieces
II am no worse than you are. You
said yourself that you have a trap
door in the top Of your head, and a
gumelastic palate.v ssheN .wa4O ~
"Yes, but these things ain't true. .
said Thorpe. II only told you about
them to see If you really loved me.
I'm as sound as a dollar--no Inactive
liver. or silver-plated skull. or any
thing. But you seem TO be kind Of
strung together, SOS il you should
klock against any thing you'd scatter
all around the carpet. 1 think you
ought to let me off," hl-fa -i' sre
Very well, sir, so I will, But let
me tell you that I've got nothing the
matter with me, either. ! only in
vented these stories to try you, be-
cause | knew you we're playing q game
on me. Now l know you don't love
me. You can 90. SIR" s3sue5 -
Hannah, | take il all back. / do
love you" .hf.l 1e-1i
do you, really Then ! love you
more than ="
But no. the curtain had better be
drawn right here. The cold and sell
fish world has no brniness with such
scenes as this. They are to he con.
solidated early next monrh.-[Phila-
adelphia Bulletin. a.s,s-lS.t...s !
The domestic exports of the United |