The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-07-04
AWalking Phonograph.

A Walking monograph.
There were two of them. One tall,
towering, austere-appearing man, of
stern mien and military bearing. He
carried his head high, and talked with a
quick, nervous jerky motion of the chin,
and pitched out his assertions with de-
cisive contradict-if-you-dare style of
manner. The other was meek-looking
man, who walked with a bowed back,
and brought his feet down with extreme
care and caution, and good deal of
hesitation. They were going through
the Arcade, with the pompous man a
little in the lead.
"I tell you, sir, the army should be
increased" he was saying. :" 1t should
be recruited up to fifty thousand men
at once-at once, sir-with no delay. L
say it should be done at once-im-
mediately, dye hearP'
"[quite agree with you," gasped
the meek man, timidly. "I think so
myself"
"Give me a good army and I will
crush out Communism in day, sir! l
say will crush it in a dayw slapping
down his cane in wicked plunge, by
way of emphasis, on the timid ones
toes.
"Oh!--myl Yes, to be sure. That's
what l think, sir. 1 believe you would" :"
81 would string up the ring-leaders,
sir String 'em right upl-up, sir !! Every
one!" and he drew down his brows and
looked SO savage that the meek one
shivered and buttoned up his coat, as he
remarked:
al quito agree with you, sir. It ought
to be done, by all means. It's the only
sensible course to take"
"Choke the leaders, sir, and you
quell the mob! I say you quell the
mobp
Yes-yes; that't It'll join you there.
The mob should be quelled."
" 1t can't be done without an army"
came like thunder-clap from the stern
one, but the mild-eyed one was on the
lookout and lodged the cane just in
time to save his corns.
My sentiments exactly, sir. 1t can't
be done without an army-of course it
can I. ~
"But we haven't got the army, sir !
l say we haven't got the armyl" and the
black brows came down tighter than
ever.
That's a fact, sir-a sad fact-we
haven't"
And we can't get it, sir, we can't get
it. Militia is no good. They run them
selves to death, sir"
"Quite true, mydear sir; quite true" "
Something must be done, sir. Do
you understand me, sir? l say some
thing must be done!''
Yes, indeed, sir; something must be
DONE"
"And it must be done quickly, sir.
There's no time to lose-not minu tie. !"
"Not a minute, sir. 1t must be done
at once"
"But what-tell me what, sir? What
can save usf'
All, that's it-but what?"
"But mark me! There's only one
chance for u--the navyw and the big
man came to standstill, and looked his
wickedest. ----.---..----=------=zs
see-I see-quite true; our only
chance"
"The navy must be brought or shore,
and mounted. Mind me, sir; l say
mounted"
..Just what 1 would recommend my
self, sir-the very thing
But not on horsesl"
"Oh, no, to be sure not-not on horses
oh, no-that would never do"
But how and wherefore? That's
the master stroke, sir"
my sentiments to a dot, sir. It's the
only course to follow" and the timid
one looked disturbed in mind and trife
doubtful as to what he might be talking
about. %
"My plan is to mount 'em on railroad
trains, and spread 'em all over the
country, to be ready to operate any
where Do you follow me, sir? I say
everywhere"
Pm right with you, sir. That's my
own idea, exactly"
Blast your eyesp' said the savage
one, facing about and shaking him by
the shoulders. 81 don't believe you
ever had an idea of yeur own in the
whole course of your life, sir-not one.
Why don't you straighten up and show
people that you have spine of your
own. Brace up, and think and talk a
little for yourself once in awhile. and
don't go Sinking around trying to keep
on the good side of other people by
making phonograph of yourself. Have
| opinions of your own, and don't be
afraid to spread 'em. Talk up, and dc
it stout and strong, as though you meant
it. Don't whine-no matter if a man is
big enough to eat you, bones and all
Talk out big and brassy as though you
intended to back it up if he didn't like
1t, and he can't help but respect you,
though he may iek,you like all blazes
for it. Don't make an echo of yourself
again-never-unless you want to be
despised and spit upon. Do you heal
me, sir? Talk up and contradict me
or Tll knock you DOWN. I've put uE
with about all this moeking- bird business
/ intend to stand. Call me a liar once
in a while or you'll lose a friendp >
"Quite true, sir; quite true. My
own op-beg pardon. mean you're 8
Hi" began the timid man, but his
knees smote with fear and trembling be
fore he could finish the sentence, and he
dumped down on the sidewalk to escape
a blowhe felt sure he ought to have. The
burly man withered him with look oi
scorn and strobe on by himself. :