The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1878-10-03
srIect strry.
POLLING A RIVAL,


ming Just as Shakespeare always said II
did-rather roughly, IF Suke Peabody
has taken shine to that gawky, long
Bhanked, stammerin' shy critter, Gusset,
Just cause he's city feller, she amt the
gal took her for, that's sartain. No, it's
the old folks, darn their ugly pictures
old Mrs. Peabody was alters highfalu'
tin critter, full of big notions, and the old
mans soft head is driven about by our
cantankerous Dorkin' hen, But if don't
spoil his fun then my name amt Jona-
than. am going down to the city by
the railroad next week, and when |
come back, wake snakes, that's ALL
The above soliloquy may serve to give
the reader some slight idea of the lay OF
the land, and the pleasant village where
the speaker resided.
Jonathan Douhlikins was a young far
mer, Well-to.do in the world, and looking
out for wife, and had been paying his
addresses to Miss Susan Peabody, OF that
ilk, with a prospect of success, when a
citv acquaintance of the Peabody's, one
Cornelius Gusset, who kept retail dry
goods store on Hanover street, Boston,
had suddenly made his appearance in
the field, and commenced the cutting out
game. Dazzled with the prospect of be-
coming a gentleman's wife, pestered by
the opportunities of her mamma, the
village beauty had begun to waver when
her lover had determined on last bold
stroke to foil his rival. He went to the
civ and returned; Of his business there
he said nothing, not even to the pump
ing aunt who kept house fer him. he
went not near Peabody's, but labored in
his cornfelds and garden, patiently
awaiting the result of his maChiuations
The next day Mr.. GussJt was sitting
with the old folks and their daughter, in
the best room of the Peabody mansion
chatting as pleasantly as may be, when
the door opened, and in sushed furious
Irish woman.
is it here We are, Misthur Cornelius
she exclaimed, addressing the astonish.
ed Gusset. Come out of that before |
fetch ye, ye spalpeen is that what ye
promised me afore the praist, ye hay
thun naygur? Cummin' away from me
an the childer, forsakin' your lawful an
welded wife, and runnin' after big Yam
kee girls, ye infdelP ?
Woman, there must be some mistake
here stammered Gusset, taken all aback
by the charge
'Divil bit of mistake ye sarpent,-
Oh warra! was it for the like of ye |
sacked Dennis Mccarthy, who loved the
very ground l trod on, and all bekase ye
promised to make lady Nv me, ye dirty
thafe Nv the wurruld2 Will ye come
along to the railroad station, where left
little Patrick, bekase he was too sick wild
the smallpox to come any furder, or will
ye wait till l drag YEP
go go - along, gasped Gusset, go
and I'll follow you.'
Poor Gusset thought it better to tenn
POriEe.
'I'll give you ten minits, said the vira-
go. IF We amt there thin, it's me Cou-
Hin, Mr.. Rhuddy Tulgrudery, will be af'
ter ye, ye thafeP And away went this
unbidden guest.
Mr. Gusset was thus engaged in stam-
mering out denial of knowledge of the
virago, when the psrlor door opened and
q little blaCk-eyed, hatChet-faCed woman,
in hashy six gown, and cap with ma
ny ribbons perched upon the top of her
head, invaded the sanctity of the parlor.
is he here p she cried in decided ac
cent. Then she added with a scream,
'Ah-mon dieul la VOLTA Here he is
Trsitre, monstre Vot for you run away
from me? Dis two or tree year l nevair
BEE you, nevair, and my heart broke
very bad entirely
who are you? cried Gusset, his eyes
starting out of his head and shivering
from head to foot
He asks who l am 0 ladies hear
you vot he ask What am 1? Petref-
cd ! am your wifeP
Il never saw you before in my life, so
help me Cod cried Gusset tenergetically.
Don't you swear ? said Deacon Pea.
body. EFF you do I'll kick you into fits,
by golly. l won't have no profane nor
Vulgar language in or about my house
%, bless you respectable old man; dell
him he moos come vis nae, Dell him
hev spoke to ze constable. Dell him
bUUb 4uloETupb6u utE uJItTAuCbs
It's pesky bad business said the
Deacon, cha6ng with unwonted ire
'Gusset, you're a rascal
Take care, Peabody, take careP said
the uncomfortable storekeeper.'
L remarked you were rascal, Gusset.
You have gone and married two wives,
and that ere's fiat burglary if know
anything about revised statutes
Two wives 7 shrieked the French wo.
man.
Now do you clear out of my house, go |
to the railroad station, and clear out into
Boston. l won't have nothing to do with |
you
But Deacon, hear me-
4 don't want to hear you, ye sarpint,'
cried the Deacon, stopping his ears with
his hands Marrying two wives, and !
OOmin' COurtin' third Go long leave
this house.
Even Mrs. Peabody, who was inclined |
to put in word for the Cuprit, was 81
lenGed. Susan turned from him in nor.
ror, and in utter despair he fed to the
railway station, hotly pursued by the
clamorous and indignant French woman.
That same afternoon as Miss Susan |
Peabody was walking towards the vii
lage, she was overtaken by Mr.. Jonathan
Doublikins, dressed in his best and dri-
wing his fast-going horse before his Sun.
day.go-to meetin' chaise. He reined up
and accosted her:
'Halloo, Guke; get in and take little
rider
Don't care i'll do, Jonathan replied
the young lady, accepting the prOfered |
seat.
L say you, said Jonathan, gnnning,
that ere city feller's turned out purity |
p0rp, amt hep
It's dreadful if it's true, replied the
lady.
You had narrow escape, didn't YEP
pursued the old lover.
Indeed, she said.
But he wsrn't never any account, any
how. What do the old folks think
about it2'