The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1878-02-20
How SIC FooIed HIN.

John sandscripts wife went to bed
on the night before the first Of April
with her mind made up to fool the
old man next day or die in the AZ.
tempt, In previous years she had
found John inipcrvious to jokes Of all
kinds and she realized the Augean
task before her on the morrow. With
her mind full Of the self-imposed task
she went to sleep. AT daylight she
awoke and at once began 10 operate.
Her victim was lying withlhisf back
towafdher, apparently ID ID, sound
sleep. She poked him vigorously in
theribs with her sharp elbow and
clawed his shins with her toe-nails,
preparatory to startling him with a
half-whispered warning.
qJohn OH John-t there's some one
ring the door.bell."
sgE1et jim ring" was the sleepy re-
"But, John, maybe it's the man on
the next square, who owes you that
500, come to pay YOU"
"No'laint, aeither," said John with
SBut you don't know, and it may
be that very man."
~ guess not for he's buried; died
last week. Besides, old woman your
ears deceive you. took the bell
knob of last night to fool April-fool-
ers." ,
Heavens! what mess she had
made Of 1t 10 begin With But when
the old man rolled out Of bed, yawn.
ed and picked upbis pants, she ram
med the sheet in her mouth to plug
np her laughter.
80, JENNY! won't he tumble when
he puts his foot in them pants and
finds the leg sewed up?" she said to
herself
Judge of her rage when the pro-
voking brute innocently carried the
blockadcd brooches to the wardrobe
and inquiries:
"Nanoy, where's them chocolate
colored pants | had on last week?"
"Put on the ones you have in your
hands. John; what's the matter with
them?"
II burst a button off yesterday, and
they need mending."
At breakfast she poured out nice
cup Of COTE for him and sweetencd it
with two spoonfuls Of salt.
"You needn't give me any coffee"
he said: "keep that yourself"
"Why, John, what's the matterS-
This is tho first time since we were
married that you refused coffee"
"The blamed stuff has made me
nervous lately; and, as this is the first
of the month thought Id break of
and only drink it for supper, You
take that yourself"
When he came home to dinner she
had prepared him neatly directed
envelope with a blank paper inclos-
cd within. He eyed it suspiciously,
and throwing it into the fire said.
lIeI know that handwriting. It's
from that crazy lunatic who wants
me to vote for him tomorrow. So
much for his letter."
In,the evening she disguised her
self IN one Of her husbands old suits
!, and came to the door to beg for char
lily.
'Please give mo a nickel to buy
some brcad?"
Get out or I'll give you a nickel
with my boot" !.
"The dickens you arel Now, I'll
bet fifty dollars against the suit Of
clothes you wear that you are an i'm
-positor.o
@But, sir"
q aIf / were to search you now l
shouldn't be surprised to find you
lousy with wealth. For two cents
l would sec. C
,'For heavens sake" -
"Now none of your soft-soap on me
/ don't believe in beggars. Here
you policeman, take this Internal
impostor to the station house,
Just as the 'peeler grabbed the
supposed beggar by the back of the
neck a shrill voice yelled:
"Johl John! you wouldn't send your
wife to the station house, would you?
"The deuce | wouldn't" was the
cool response. anybody who lies to
me about my door-bell, sews up my
trousers, puts salt in my coffee, writes
Inc anonymous notes, and steals my
clothes ought to go to the penitenti'
airy forlifc,"
"But how did you know"
If you women wouldn't talk in
your sleep you might keep q secret
once in n while
Mrs. Sandscript says that hereafter
when she attempts an April.fool joke
she intends to sit up all night prov
ious."
The AdvantnFc Of ReInr n WO-