The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-02-14
WHOLE NO. 1899.


A song heard by . hive. "Bee u ever
20 humble, there's no place like comb.
The only safe way 10 keep diary is 10
put u In the stove. and this is thc time
to do H.
"will you name tho bones OF the headT'
I've got 'em all in my head. Professor
but ] can't give them"
What Is the difference between a hung.
/ ~ man and q glutton One longs 10 eat.
the other eats too Ions.
A gentleman said. when a pretty Girl
trod on bis toes, that be had received the
stamp Of beauty.
There IL a man somewhere whose mom.
/ ory ia 20 short that u only reaches 10 his
knees therefore he never pays Cor his
boots
Professor Is tho intensity Of gravity
/ greater ~ the Poles OF Al the Equator =
\ Sophomore: Yes. nir." Professor -
Which 2 Sophomore. Its greater"
The mouth Of the Amazon. ala a
I professor Of geography In q So Louis ie.
male seminary. "ia the biggest mouth IN
ocptcd.
A Scotch schoolmaster having repeat.
edly and nt last anFrily demanded oi The
pupils Who signed Magma CharlA r.
little girl tramblingly replied Please,
cir u Whs na me-
Some men can never take a ioko. There
was an old doctor who. when aaked.
what . good Tor mosquitoes z wrote
back How do you suppose I can tell
unless know What ais Tho mosquito r
Mamma. where do The cows sst an.
milk y asked Willie, looking up rom the
ioaming pan Of milk. which be had been
iutcntly regarding Where DO you ret
7 your tears 2 was the answer After a
thouEhtiul silence. be srain broke oIts
Mamma, do the COWS have 20 be
spanked 2
The Cambria News. having occasion 70
! speak Of the rector Of Llanfairpwllrwyn.
\ hEoEertysilioroeogoch a parish Ia An.
Elescn. mentions that this ia merely an
abbrcviation Of the full title Of the VII.
lage.
! Little Susie. looking at some pictures
/ OF winged angels. exclaimed Mamma.
don't want 20 be an angel M WHY not.
dear "lIumph leave OF my pretty
clothes, and wear fcddcra like = hen n
An Irishman. on seeing vessel very
heavily laden and scarcely above the wa.
ters edge, exclaimed. Upon me sowl. II
the river was but little higher the ship
would go TO the bottom"
Fond Father well. my son. how do
you like college Your Alma Mater has
turned out some great men"
Young hopeful Gust expclledl-sYes
sir. she has just turned me out"
The following obituary notice Of dis.
tinguiahed citizen Il from a Western
paper Peter Ink. an old citizen Of
Knox County. Ohio. was blotied out The
other day, aged IS"
A clipper little miss Of three summsrs
was standing before a mirror, inspecting
and admiring q new dress. the other day.
when Hpo turned 10 her mother aud c1.
claimed Mamma, ] want a draerer f-
There u no doubt but what thai young
lady viii keep up with the fashions.
A they were about 70 quaH. one Of the
party suddenly called out 70 another
Hello. D0uEhcrty va drinking whis.
ky = SURE, % was only yesterday ye towid
me ye wasa taytoilcr" Well aid Ne
Dougheriy. evidently somewhat discon.
oerted you're right. Misther Kelly. las
quite right 20 are. am taytotler. its
true but I'LL m not bigoled onor
A boy In q Sunday school proposed a
question 10 BE- answered The SUNDAY fol.
lowing How many Letters does the
Bible contain II The answer was three
millions. Eve hundred aud thirty thou.
"a, sand three hundred and thirty three
The superintendent says 70 james, IL
that right q No, sir. was the prompt
reply. VIII you please tell us how many
there are then 2 "rweuiysix. cir"
A Sunderland gentleman ths other dav
made bet wifi a friend that the arst
boy they spoke 20 would correctly answer
a question IN Bible history. A 6oy com.
iug up at the moment was asked. Boy.
can you tell me who built the ark
.Noa the vulgar way Of pronouncinR
Nol. replied the urchin. who was imme.
diaiely rewarded BY the winner Of the
wager
Al ths weekly conference mcotinrs.
Rev. DR.. Blank was a good deal psstsred
BY q zcalous brother. who was very much
cdiicd by bis own cxhortationa aud Ia
was often deemed necessary 10 head him
OIL BY calling on somebody else 90 speak
or pray lust a. be was about 20 begin
On ono occasion. a. be rose 20 sprak. the
pastor gently interrupted him - saying
Brother. will you lead ua In praysrY'
The brother hcsitatcd but 4 moment and
made answer Il was about 10 offer a Tow
remarks. but perhaps can throw them
into The form Of a prayer"
Bennett Ia bis Curioaitios OF Animal and
Vegetable Life. says. The Australian dog
never barks. Indeed. u l. remarked ~
Mr Gardiner. la hia Music Of Nature"
that dogs la n state OF nature never bark.
they simply whine. hoWl. and rrowl This
explosive noise b only found among
those which are domeaticatrd Louuint
speaks Of tho shepherds dogs in tho
wilds Of Egypt as not having this faculty.
aud Columbus found the dogs which ho
had previously carried 20 America 10 have
Loot their propensity 20 barking. The
barking Of dog i an acquired faculty-
an ciiort 10 speak. which i derived from
his aslociating with man
The Land and Water states that nov
curato was looking up bis lock not many
miles from Tunbridge. and Ia bis pcram.
bulaiious he visited an old lady who had
Tor many years suffered al the ~ which
tlrsh j. heir 90. aud had not borne them
with that cquauimity which is supposed
TO BE- atharacteristic Of old age. well.
what does he wantY said the old dame
70 her daughter. on seeing the smiling
face oi the clerical. oh. I'm looking
after my hock. I'm curatc. said the vi6-
itor. Cure u none of your atun. said
Al A.. a a. a NJ a a