The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1878-04-13
Uncle Reuben Newman on Oysters.


Oar is three things dat is took wild tongs,
aud but bar'ly three. Dey is desc, as
follers
|. Fire.
Ii. Shugar.
III. 0shters.
Fust, fire. Sich fire as cit desc days
are mos.y dis here black coal dat grows
In de groun' like sweet taters. And It's
mighty sweet, when you kin git nuf un it.
But dat amt of n, case you has to buy
it, and you can't buy 'dout money, and
money are skace. When | lived wild nv
ole mistis at Gloster Pint | had lite nd
and fat pine, and hickry, and chips, and
con huss in a plenty, and fire dign cos
me nuthin. But now | pays for bubble
han ful Nv rock coal, and glad to git dat.
Such tongs as | has is desc hans. desc
wrinkly ole hans, and tired nuff dey is.
'Twarn't so at Gloster Pint, whar my fire
CROWD 'bove groun aud | could fotch her
down any time day or night l please.
Dem days is gone. got no use for fire.
tongs and skeersly no fire to use EN- wild.
Dem days is gone.
Seckin, shugar. Sich shugar as l gifts
desc days ar mos'ly brown, and small NV
its age, at dat. | gifts ten cent wuth at
time, and not always dat, coz shugar ar
cash artickle. White man will trus' white
man, but no man, white nor black, will
trus niger fur shugar. Niger got to 90
wild sour mouf all de year round, ceppin
he ar got de cash down on de nail.
Twarn't so at Gloster Pint. Oar de fer
hans had brown shugar, harf teacupfull
ut time, but US house boys got de white.
Shugar wuz shugar dem days, / tell you.
Ii come in lOafs, drest up in plum -cullud
suit like gentleman, and stood up like
man. When We wanted some, we ondrest
him-his skin were dazzlin' white-and
laid him down on his side, and chopped
off a shugar dishfull wild caseknife and
FIVE pound weight. Dem wuz de days
fur tongs, silver tongs. Den days is gone.
Sich shugar as | uses desc days heists
into my cup wild desc hans, and | amt
got no manner o use for shugar tongs.
Yes, dem days is gone.
Ihurd, oshters. Sich oshters as | gifts
desc days is seed oshters, ne bigger dan
my nail, and no count at dat. But down
at Gloster Pint and de Seven river oshters
wuz big as de parm NV my han, fat as
possums, yaller as gole, thick as simmons
and no eend, jes no 'eend NV EN-. Osh.
ters wuz oshters in dem days. My mouf
fairly dreens water when | thinks bout
EN-. My ole marster used to say dat osh-
ters wuz salt water taters, but, shuh ia
ters can't hold candle to EN-. Nuthin'
don eompar' wild EN-. Dey is oshters,
and all other eatin' ar trash longside Nv
EN-. Up-country niggers don't like de
looks NV oshters, but | viii say dis bout
EN-, dat dey is de hardest-face ted and de
saftest-hearted wurrums dat lives. Dey
is de mos peaceable cattle on de planta-
ton, and gives the least trubbil. You
don't have to fence 'em out like bull-year-
Inns, nor cut feed for 'em like horses,
neither curry-comb EN-, coz dey got nary
name nor tail. You don't have to call
EN- up like hogs, becoz whar he is dar he
lays, and oshter whar he lights dar he
stays. Dey is de onliest things in dis
worl, ceppin' crabs and tarpins, dat has
leds and opens like book, aud | tell you
dey opens rich. Dar is mo- good readin
in one healthy oshter than in a whole IL
berry Nv books. One goes to de head,
but the other purvades de inter sistum.
Oar is three main plain pints bout osh-
ters, which is desc, as follers:
]. De eatin' NV EN-.
Ii. De 'fects Nv EN-.
III. De quontity NV EN-.
Fust, de eatin. Dey is good any way
you take 'em, if dey amt split. Eff dey
is split, ughoo look out. But you kin
eat 'em raw and you kin eat 'em cook'd,
you kin fry 'em, and stew EN- and bake
EN-, and brile EN-, and roast EN-, and you
kin eat 'em friz. A friz oshter on stom
ach dat is oyer-het by sperits is de sooth-
enist surop In de worl' and dat's de rea-
son dat white folks at Gloster Pint kin
out-drink creashun. But eat EN- anv
way and dey fuses deyselves from eend to
eend Nv de consechushun like de smell NV
coffee and cabbage in a house; dey runs
from sho' to sho' like de Gulp Stream, and
dey does you good all over from Ally to
0mcgree, all but the megree, for oshters
is pow full fatt'nin.
Seek de 'fects. 0shters interferes
wild no man. You let oshters lone, osh-
tiers let you lone sertin. Oshter never
git after you, dout you git after oshter.
0shters carme de mind, quiets de narves,
settles de stommick, and peacyfes de sper-
its. 'Tis de Ticker dat you mixes wild EN-
dat gifts up de ightin temper, but you
amt bleegt to mix, dough you is powerful
apt to, speshly bout Gloster Pint. But
'twarn't de GloSter Pint white folks dat
fotch on de late war Twas de poke eat
in up country folks bout Richmun' dat
pokes dar noses whar dey got no bizness,
and de whiskey-stillin' tackeys bout Gusty
county in de valley. Dey done it. Clos
ter Pint white folks loves to eat oshters
and go to sleep, but when you wakes 'em
too early and dar dander is riz, dey is de
devil.
Thurd, de quontity Down in ole Vir-
ginny, whar | wuz bon and raise, dey tell
me dat not less dan 900 milyun NV bill
yum NV bushels NV oshters is dug up outin
de water annual per year. Oars de place
for oshter tongs In de ole days | had
my own Gunner, my own paddle, and my
own tongs; and when | wanted oshters |
jes' heisted EN-. Dem days is gone Now
| don't heist nothin' but wild desc crooked
old fingers, dat's like claws, and can't let
go nuthin' when they gifts holt NV it. l
wish to de Lord dey wuz claws, like
chicken hens, so dat when | lit on ash
bank wild udder niggers could outscratch
EN- aud cit mo cinders dan any NV EN-
But dar's money and heap Nv it in dem
milyuns NV bilyuns Nv oshters in ole Vir-
giny. Why don't dey tax 'em like dey
taxin' whiskey desc days? 1t don't be-
hove a niger like me to keep out NV dett
when my white folks is in debt, and may
be better keep my ole mouf shet, but |
jes tell yer pintedly eff dey'll only tack a
tax, bout de size Nv postige stomp say
on every enduring oshter, if dey'll do dat
why de debt done up and gone fore you
tetch it. Has dey loss dar sense sinse Ru-
bin human lef Ole Virginny? Pears so
to me. Tack tax on oshters. But my
eyes is ole and my sight are not what il
wuz in de old days. Dem days is past
and gone. You may call EN-, but dey