The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-04-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

STILL hfe-Manufacturing whisky.
A SIGN of spring: "To let"
STILL waters run for Is cents glass.
A FULL May sure-Thirty.one days.
CAN growing red nose be called
beak-coming?
The croquet expert This is the
maiden all for lawn.
THE best perfumery is not always
scent from Cologne.
Now is the time to put your hens
under bonds with coop on.
IT is to be hoped it Will be IS Hew
and cry" with the timber thieves.
IF horses ehewed tobacco there would
be more horse-spittles than there are at
present.
WHEN a man has no bills against him
he feels as though he belonged to the
nobility.
ENGLAND may be "mistress of the
Cs," but she has never yet been able to
fairly master the HIS.
How DOTH the little frog pipe up
His sad and tuneful lay;
And from each swamp and hidden bog,
He yelleth, What dye soy?"
B1ERsrADT, the artist, once proposed
to DR.. Mary Walker. He proposed
that she get ont of his studio, and she
agreed.
IT cost SLIT, 444.74 to supply our
troops with tobacco last year.-Er. But
it was not enough to give them pipe O.
peace. philadelphia Bulletin.
A SERVANT GIRL, writing letter,
asked her master If the next month had
come in yet; he laughed. "Well,'
said she, "what I mean is, has the last
month gone out yet?"
GRACE GREENWOOD was standing in
Washington horse-car, when a sudden
start of the Car threw her over into a
gentleman's lap, when she said, 81 beg
pardon, sir; but you see I am Lap
lander"
AN old black woman, reciting her
"speerunce," said she had been to
heaven. "Did you see any Of de COL
ored ladies dar?" asked young sister.
"Oh, you get out; you s'pose 1 went
in de kitchen when was dar?"
A RECKLESS individual propounds this:
"What is the difference between the
present excitement in England and
push-cart ?' Answer: "One is "war
feeling" and the other is "for wheel
ing" A physician says his recovery is
very doubtful.
DENTIST Ito the old lady about pur-
chasing some false teeth y" For masti
cation, my dear madam, they can only
be surpassed by nature herself" Old
lady-"O, laws, doctor I don't care
nothing about the mastication if I can
only chaw with 'em."
CRUMBS FROM THE BREAKFAST TABLE.
A "nobby" thing in boots-corns.
Did you ever see q town that hadn't
the best brass band in the State.
Even 10 Cook cannot explain why a
chicken always prefers to be on the other
side of the fence from tramp.
When the poet sang of something that
was "strong without hands," he proba-
bly, referred to butter.
A good deal of abuse is being show
cred upon the dollar, but it will never
get lonesome for the want of friends
buzzard or no bUzzara.
Forty-seven thousand Canadians have
gone to Europe with the expectation OF
getting to be suffers in the Eastern war.
Peter Cooper is not obliged to have
his old clothes dyed and renovated. He
has 100000 laid by for damp
weather. ai
Which would you rather: Go to
in Virginia, to Reading or
Eaton, in Pennsylvania, to Warren. in
Ohio, or to Diggin, in California?
DR.. Gleason says the surest, quickest
and best means of stopping nose-bleed
is vigorous motion Of the jaws. So,
SO, all That accounts for the complaint
being almost exclusively confined to the
sex. 5"E
Political economy strikes snag that
won't bulge sometimes. The bulk OF
loaf of bread indicates with unerring
precision the condition of the times. but
the size of tobacco quid never varies.
The talking machine is all very well
in its way, but will Mr.. Edison allow old
Father Time to Jump into the next cent
ury without making an effort to send
along beefsteak-pounder that will make
future generations rise up and call him q
bully boy? 9sll - se
The Mofett punch may help little,
TO be sure, but, if Congress will only en-
act that original poetry shall be recog-
nized as legal tender at 10 cents per
stanza, this Office will assume the nation g
Al debt and move into marble building
st once.
The printers on the Philadelphia In
1uirer set up the "Night before Christ
mas" twenty years ago, and every year g
'inee. That is nothing.
We have friend who sat up every night
n the year twenty years ago, and has
,very year since. He is a night-editor.
The Famine in linda. t13.5-ls