The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-12-28
One Of Bob IngersOll's Theories Put to
the Test.

Jne Test.
Not long since, says Peck's Sun, the
following utterances of Bob Ingersoll
went the rounds of the papers:
Col. Ingersoll says he keeps {" peck
et-book in an open drawer, and his
children go and help themselves to
money whenever they want it. They
eat when they want to. They may sleep
all day if they choose, and sit up all
night if they desire. l don't try to
coerce them. | never punish, never
scold. They buy their own clothes and
are masters of themselves"
A gentleman living on Marshall
street, who has boy that is full as
kitteny as his father, read the article,
and pondered deeply. He knew that
Col. Ingersoll was a success at raising
children in the way they should 90, and
he thought he would try it. The boy
had caused him considerable annoyance,
and he made up his mind that he had
not treated the boy right, SO he called
the boy in from the street, where he was
putting soft soap on the lamp post, in
order to see the lamplighter climb it.
and said to him:
My son, | have decided to adopt a
different course with you. Heretofore
| have been careful about giving you
money, and have wanted to know where
every cent went to, and my supervision
has no doubt been annoying to you.
Now, | am going to leave my pocket
book in the bureau drawer, with plenty
of money in it, and you are at liberty
to use all you want without asking me.
| want you to buy anything you desire,
buy your own clothes, and to feel as
though the money was yours, and that
you had not got to account for it. Just
make yourself at home now, and try and
have a good time
The boy looked at the old gentleman,
put his hand on his head as though he
had got 'em sure" and went out to
see the lamp-lighter climb that soft
soap. The next day the stern parent
went out into the country, shooting, and
returned on the midnight train three
days later. He opened the door with
enight key, and strange yellow dog
grabbed him by the elbow of his pants
and shook him, he said, g like the
ager."
The dog barked and chewed until the
son came down in his nightshirt and
called him off. He told his father he had
bought that dog of a fireman for eleven
dollars, and it was probably the best
dog bargain that had been made this
season. He said the fireman told him
he could sell the dog for a hundred dol
lars, if he could find a man that wanted
that kind of dog.
The parent took off his pants, what
the dog had not removed, and in the
hall he stumbled over birch canoe
the boy had bought of an Indian for
nine dollars, and an army musket with
an iron ramrod fell down from the cor
ner. The boy had paid six dollars for
that. He had also bought himself an
Overcoat with a sealskin collar and
cuffs, and a complete outfit of calico
shirts and silk stockings.
In this room the parent found the
marble top of Il soda fountain, awheel-
barrow and a shelf filled with all kinds
of canned meat, preserves and crackers,
and barrel of apples. A wall tent
and six pairs of blankets were rolled
up ready for camping out, and a buck
skin shirt and a pair of corduroy pants
lay on the bed ready for putting on.
Six iish-pOles and basket full of fish
lines were ready for business, and an
oyster can full of grub worms for bait
were squirming on the washstand. The
old gentleman looked the layout over,
looked at his pocket-book in the bureau
drawer, as empty as contribution box,
and said:
Young man, the times have been too
flush. We will now return to specie
basis. When you want money come to
me and | will give you a nickel, and
you will tell me what you intend to buy
with it, or I'll warm you. You hear
mer'
And now that man stands around
from the effects of the encounter with
the yellow dog, and asks every man,
where a letter will reach Bob Ingersoll
He says he will kill Ingersoll, if it is
the last noble act he ever accomplishes.
ri pleasant to tell stories to little
boys, and even to full-grown men who
seem TO know no more than little boys.
Here is one, told us yesterday, and will
do for both: 1t was a calm, still eve in
early spring, and the god of day was
slowly descending in his chariot of
flame, etc, when two young men
twins" aged twenty-five years re-
spectively," might have been seen in
the act of going into a co-partnership
in wholesale business, with the de-
tails of which both were equally well
acquainted. One of them insisted that
they should spend $4,000 in advertising
in the newspapers the first year and
So, 900 the next. The other insisted
that they shouldn't As they couldn't
agree, they dissolved copartnership at
the outset, each going into the business
by himself, and not three hundred
yards from the other. The one adver-
tised in the newspapers, the other
didn't. You can easily guess the re-
sult-or, if you can't, other peo-
pie can. At the end of the second
year, the one, with the help of printers
ink, had cleared some S27, 1000, while
the other, without the help of printers
ink, had cleared out with another mans
wife, and was found by his creditors
to have cleared nothing else from the
e COurier-Journal.