Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-10-18
f U n !!

f. u N
A Poor Town FOR BUSINESS. He was
red-nosed, wild-eyed man from the head
waters of Sage Run, and looked as if he
had not been in town since oil was dis
covered. His rusty pants were several
inches too short for him, ard he carried
half dozen coon skins in his hand.
At the post-ofice corner he met a South
Side lady, and stopping her by holding the
bunch of hides before her face, said:
''Can't I sell you something nice to make
a set of furs out Off"
The lady screamed, and shot across to
the other side of the street.
s'Does any of your neighbors want to buy
anything of the kind?" yelled the red
nosed man.
The lady screamed again.
CHOW, what's the matter with Han
ner?" remarked the red-nosed man, as the
lady disappeared in door opposite.
A moment later the man veered into
bank, and threw the hides down at the
cashiers window.
''Got some A No. coon skins here that
I'll sell cheap. Not a scratch of al tooth on
any of 'em. Ketched every one Of 'em in
box trap"
1--WE have no use for them," said the
President, politely, as he cast an oblique
glance at the goods.
''They'l make you nice vest,' said the
red-nosed man. 'tTwo hides1l make you
vest, and one'H make you a cap that'n
wear you as long as you live.''
my dear sir" replied the President,
somewhat confused, 1--WE don't want hides
here. Take them elsewhere, please"
s'Mebbe your wife would like set of
furs, and these is-''
''No, no, no." replied the banker i'm
are offensive
"What's that 20 said the red-nosed man,
sharply.
''Take the blamed things out of this -
exclaimed the exasperated banker: "they
smell like a slaughter house,
s'I'll take dollar for the lot"
sThe people next door buy coon skins,''
put in the cashier; stake them in there;
take them up town; take them down town;
take them across the river; take them"
"Gimme fifty cents for the lot,'' persist
ed the red-nosed man.
eff you don't get out of this I'll kick
your head off ~ yelled the Infatuated pres
ident. IL. Es-EE ry
''I'll take thirty cents for the six" said
the red.nose man. ''Dye say the word ?"
and he dangled the bunch by the tail.
The president started for the outside.
The man with the skins started for the
sidewalk, and after having reached it, he
paused and said:
f'And this is the blasted Oil City, is it +?
Grea-a-at Godfrey! If seal skin and sable
were selling for cent car load, the hull
town couldn It buy the sand papered end of
a rats tail. ''-OI City Derrick.
'sPatrick, the widow Maloney tells me
that you have stolen one OF her finest pigs.
SIS that correct or not %
eyes, yer honor"
tsWhat have you done with it? ''
s'Killed it and ate it, yer honor ~
'sOh Patrick, when you are brought
face to face with the widow and her pig
on judgment day. what account will you
be able to give of yourself, when the wild
ow accuses you Of stealing 2"
'Did you say the pig would be there.
your reverence ?"
ssTo be sure / did 70
oil
eMrs. Maloney, there's yer.pig.'"
s.Pa, are you in favor of the Bible in the
public scools?" asked a youngster at the
breakfast table the other morning. ':Why,
of course am,'' responded the father,
pleased that such an important subject
should engage the attention Of his youth
full offspring. What makes you ask such
"a question, my son !? s'Oh, nothing" re-
Joined the young hopeful, ''only thought
that may be you wasn't, as you never had
one at home" The urchin lodged, but
wasn't quick enough.
During dense fog Mississippi steam
boat took landing. A traveller, anxious
to 90 ahead, came to the unperturbed man.
nger of the wheel and asked why they
stopped. Too much fog, can't see the
river" ''But you can see the stars over
bead.'' ssYes," replied the urbane pilot,
..but until the biler busts we amt going
that way.'' The passenger went to bed.
A blacksmith, having been slandered
was advised to apply to the courts for re,
dress. He replied with true wisdom, 81
shall never sue anybody for SANDER.
can go into my shop and work out better
character in six months than I could get
in a court house in year.
Do you know what bulldozing is asked
"a man of an old farmer. 81 thought I
did" said the granger, shut the bull wasn't
doing; he was only making me believe.