St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-10-04
SQuibs.

The chief of the Chinese embassy,
when asked how all the Chinese i'm
America would get back tn China, re-
piled '9They will all go to Ireland;
that is the only country the Irish do not
rule" If epigrammatic satire can go
further than this, we should like to
know it. "These MOngolians is improv-
in" as the Gold Hill miner thoughtful
ly remarked the other day, when
Cbinaman quietly blew hole through
white loafer who had just spit in his
face.-San Francisco Ne,us-L Letter.
When placed under microscope the
sting OF bee presents polish of daz-
zling beauty, but when placed i'm the end
OF a mans nose, it takes on the SEM
blance of rat-tail file dipped in vitriol,
and brings ont words as rough as Il
grindstOne.
An exchange says camphor will drive
mosquitoes out of Il room. And SO it
will, but you must first catch the mos
quitoes, choke 'em until they are black
and blue in the face, and then cram a
lump of camphOr down their thrOats.
This remedy is more troublesome but
less expensive than burning down your
house to get rid of the pests.-NOrYis-
tOUn Herald.
he was talking learnedly about the
pharmaceutical profession. An honest
husbandman in the next seat couldn't
help interrupting with, 'Jes so sir, les
so; farm may suit gal, but the fell
lows patter for Bosting the fust chance.n
Boston Transcript.
An old granger who came into town
to purchase piano for his daughter,
asked the agent if he hadn't one with
handle Oh the end, $50 we can all give
1t tune once in a while"
''Six days of the week he's invisible.
and on the seventh he's incomprehensi-
BILE" was the account which dissatis-
fed old lady gave of her pastor and his
ministratiOns.
Dog-seller: 'That 'ere hanimal's the
real stock, mum, and dog cheap at five
pounds" Young widow: "lt's a sweet,
pretty darling, black and white but in
my present state of bereavement you
procure me one entirely black. This
will do very well for half mourning in
about six months.--Punch.
'tWhy does lightning so rarely strike
twice in the same place ?" Professor
Workman asked the new boy in the
class in natural philosophy. "Huh,n
said the-new boy, sit never needs to.r
And it is little singular that nobody
had thought of that reason before
A Washington lady recently sent
one of her husbands coats to the vel
low fever sufferers, and being of fru-
gal mind, she pinned a note to the col
lar, requesting that if the garment
didn't fit it might be returned.
AT railroad station, lately, and ell
derly Irish woman who had arrived
few seconds after the train had started,
set off to run after it. She of course
soon came to halt, when she began to
abuse the unaccommodating engine,
adding, with ''nate" brogue "Faugh!
the great black ugly lump! When She
gets as Ould as me, bedad, she won't
run so quick"
Many years ago, while clergyman
on the coast of Cornwall was in the
midst of his sermon, the alarm was
| given, A aCreck! l0reck! The con-
gregatiOn, eager for their prey, we're
Immediately making off, when the par
son sOlemnly entreated them to hear
only five words more. This arrested
their attention until the preacher.
throwing off his canonicals, descended
from the pulpit, exclaiming, "Now, let's
all start fair"
He was an artist, and he was spark
ing the daughter of a retired sea cap
tain. While he was whispering sweet
nOthings in his sweetheart's ear in the
dimly y-lighted parlOr, he was paralyzed
by the voice of the ancient mariner in
the other room-"Cast of that painter ~
But she explained that her father was
only dreaming that he was on the sea
again, and the engagement proceeded.
''DO you love me still ?" Mrs. Brown
asked, as her husband was attempting
to write an important letter. "Do YOU
love me still ?" "Yes, I dor said
Brown; and it was the emphasis that
broke her heart.
'Fair mOrnin' to ye, Misther Null
dOonery, an the convintion has con
vanedP "Thrue for you, it has, Mis-
ther Shaugnessy, an it is disconvaned
too" "AT who did they elect for gov.
ernor, Misther Muldoonery 7" ''Misthel
Butler, glory to the saints.n "Amin
MIsther MuldOonery an which of the
f Buthlers is it, Misther Muldoonery Is
it the wan that killed the nagers or the
wan that sthole the spoons 2" 'Musba
thin, Misther Shaugnessy, it's the wal
that sthOle the spoons" "Gloly agip
Misther MuldOonery it's a good OLD
, dlmocrathic name he has too. To tb,
divil wild Funnel hall.-Bur. Ha,vkeue.
, A stranger sat in corner of the CA
hence to New York, in easy attitude. hi
. feet upon large black trunk. The gen
5 tlemanl y conductor, going his rounds
at the first station politely Informed tn,
stranger that the trunk must be put il
; the baggage car. To which the strange
nothing replied. At the second static,
, the displeased conductor, more decid
edly, told the stranger that he must pu
the trunk in the baggage car. To whic
the stranger nothing replied. At tb
third station the vexed conductor NOR
lmperatlvely told the stranger that h
4 must put the trunk in the baggage ca,
/, or it would be put off the train. r
d which the stranger nothing replied.
the fourth station the irate cOndnctc
: had the trunk put off, and left. At IN
fifth station the notified conductor. nd
4 dressing the stranger, begged him I
: remember that be had done what HI
duty required, and that he had onl
n done 1t after repeated warnings. an
e 1hat 1t was solely the strangers faul
10 winch the stranger laconically rt
pieu Don't care; faint my trunk