Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-01-03
ERntAr

Henry Cary stole man in Utica and
the Judge was obliged to commit Harry
Carry.-BOst0n Post.
WHAT'S that which takes two to nol,o
Is eagerly sought after. and is vet notb'
ing after all A Kiss.
Artemus Ward said of the Mormon
ties: Their religion is singular, but
their wives are plural.
See here, isn't It rather curious that
when Mr.. Noah was in the preserving
business heput up nothing but pairs?
Some vile old traducer SAYS that for
the period of month before marriage.
and month after death, men regard
their wives as angels.
At last accounts the new Washington
daily still lived. There is sometime
very singular about this, Rochester Dem,
Ocrdt.
4 clearinghouse mistress, like the
rest of Us, has her weak and strong
points-the weak point being her coffee
and her strong point the butter.
If Mrs. Jane Grey Swisshelm ever
catches the Rochester Democrat out alone
the coroner will sing for Joy, because his
children will have bread dukeye.
The Cherokee nation has a debt of
SlS7 900 and has $685. in the treasury.
and yet some folks assert that it is i'm
possible to civilize the Indians.-W orces-
ter Press.
Johnny Barnes, of Nevada. was re-
hearsing his part in drama called
Ham and Eggs" when a gun went Off
and caused him to act for the benefit Of
an undertaker.-DetrOH Free Press
A modern William Tell: Here,
gradpa, let's play William Tell, I'll be
Mr.. Tell, and you may play you're my
son, and stand over there by the mirror
while [ shoot this apple off your head.
-Njchoids
The Brandon Miss Republican says:
" In the good old days that are past and
gone, when our farmers lived like
princes, their queenly wives always sent
us q few links of their savory sausage
at hog-killing time.
1t was the morning before Christmas.
She: John, you have no idea how I
hurt my thumb stoning the raisins for
|, the fruit cake" He: And you have
no idea how | hurt my fingers stoning
that internal cow out of the back yard.
OIL City Derrick.
Just wake up these cold mornings and
whisper in our ear: Hot, double
breasted, triple-galvanized, meringue-
gored, extra-humpbacked, folo-de-se
pancakes, with Oleomargerine and n. O.
gravyw Oh? we won't wait to dress
thank you!-Puck.
The people in town in Iowa
wanted a Touring mill, and finally they
got it; and they are now very anxious to
have a bank established, so that they
can borrow money to buy flour
A lady correspondent says that
girls should cease to be kissed by their
gentlemen friends when they put on
long dresses. We never kissed any
body in our life, but we'd just like to
know what difference the length of the
dress makes.
Dishonesty often defeats It's own pur-
poses. This occurs very forcibly to IA
man when he sneaks down the alley to
get drink, and meets his pastor Just
coming out of the bacb-door, wiping his
mouth with the back Of his hand,
He lies across the teachers knee, his broadest
end on top.
And the teacher buckles down to work like
CossaCk of the Don:
When the voice of the afflicted arises shrilly-
"Sf0p!
1t isn't fair; haven't my winter trousers ONT
PUCK.
The Ha,okeye has the details about
Minister Welsh's arrival in England
The Queen" it says, L" met him at the
train and carried his grip-sack to the
hack for him, and they rode up to the
Tower together She told him to leave
his articles on the porch and come in"
Tommy came home from school, and
handed to his father the teachers re-
port on his progress during the month.
This is very unsatisfactory, Tom;
you've a very small number Of good
marks. I'm not at all pleased with it."
. | told the teacher you wouldn't be,
bat he wouldn't alter IT,"