, 1878-06-21
Wit and Humor.


"All or Nothing" About a lawyer, wr
suppose
Mas lives not in the present but in tbo
future. AT 4. NJ. he looks for nom a,
l p. NJ. he begins to sigh for 6 o'clock.
THERE ought To bc some way Of util;y.
ing the tramps. Even alligator hides arc
worth seventy-iiye cents each in Louisi.
ana.
THERE may be slime for evsrv-
thing but the time To finish the Wash
ington monument has never been dis.
covered.
THERE were gang Of gypsies in town
the other day. To man with only ono
shir, gypsy is an object of dreamy con.
temptation.
a COLUMBUS man Gays he started in
thirty years ago to make 81 100000. He
has got the fourteen, but the cipbers
bother him.
lT isn't the supremacy of the capital.
lists that the disaiTected classes in this
country object to so much as working be-.
tween meals.
The subject of New Haven mans
address was, "What shall we live onW
We didn't get the particulars, but we
think it is eggs.
A PIUTE chief owns high silk hat
and is so careful of it that, his hut being
leaky, he keeps it covered with skins in
a hole in the ground.
A New York Irishman who had nun
and large dog, cut two holes in the
kennel, one big one for the dog, and o
little one for the pup.
A MAN was walking along Chicago
street singing, "Heaven is my home.n
"DOn't you feel homesck2" yelled
small boy who passed him.
PEOPLE who attempt to cut boarding
house pie-crust with fork, should re.
member that time thrown away can never
be recalled. .-0A City Derrtck
Bob INoERsoLL says; "Woman has
the right to do as she pleases." Well,
whether she has or not, that's exactly
what she does-if she's married.
L. BURD GRUBB is captain of militia
company in Philadelphia. Won't the
American eagle scream when it sees Burd
Grubb that it cannot eat - Worcester
Press.
A ToM-cAT is a more independent ami
NAL than man. When man comes home
at or 3 O'Clock in the morning he slips
in as quietly as possible, but u tom-cat
don't seem to care. The later the hour,
and the nearer the house it approaches,
the louder it will yell.
The sexton of parish church ia county
Armagh was about to lose his wife. She
begged him to bury her in Tyrone,
among her own kindred, forty miles
away. "Indeed, Peggy" said he, "rll
try ye here; but if you give any trouble,
I'll take ye up and bury ye in Tyrone"
A BRrDaEPoRT man has been twenty
years perfecting machine to enable him
to fly over Niagara Falls. 1t would have
been cheaper, we think, to have taken to
tie bridge.
JEM MACE says that although the God
dess of Liberty on the new dollar seems
to be in very good training he will fight
her for the championship of America,
and afterwards tend bar for her.-Nsu
York Herald.
"JoHN," said poverty stricken man to
his son, "Ive made my will to-day"
"Ahw replied John, "you were liberal to
me, no doubt" "Yes, John, I came
down handsome. I've willcd you the
whole State of VirgiDia-to make liv-
ing in, with the privilege of going else
where if you can do better"
A GERMAN peasant, in early railway
days, was taken to see the performance
of a locomotive. He had never known
carriages to be moved except by animal
power. Every other explanation failed
to make the matter clear to him. After
long reflection, therefore, aid seeing no
possible escape from the conclusion, con-
tidentIy, to his companion, "there must
be horses insidew
Mr.. WHEELER of New Hampshire
who died worth $1,000 seems to nave
been pleasant sort of man. His VIII
says "Expend it all on my tombstone;
Ed. Some Of the heirs have already
filed objections to this, and the money
will probably be expended on the law.
yers. Mr. Wheeler will be extremely
fortunate if he gets henlock slab tor
tombstone. City Derrick.
Mr.. BARNuM insists that animals wont
drink whisky. And what does this prove
Phineas? Do they know how to wal.z,
or to sing, or to conduct lawsuits or 70
preach sermons2 Do they wear high hats
and insist on new bonnets for Easterf 10
they purchase milk at six cents quart,
and are they partial to baked beansf Grea'
and unequaled circuser, what new mum
bug is thisl-Bufalo ESpress.
p. T. BARNUM says: 81 tell you, as
Snowman, you can't make animals dTlnh
whisky. They know better" lno
Snowman is mistaken. We once heard
woman call out of second story WINDOW
to an object that for nearly an hour naa