The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-04-19
Facts and FancIes.

We suspect Mr.. Edison has the
spring fever. He hasn't invented
anything for two days.-Derrick.
We read that burnt alum will
cure dyspepsia, and regret how sad
it is that dyspepsia does not know
it.-Rome Sentinel.
Spring poetry may be written on
both sides of 8 sheet of paper. The
waste basket is not particular. New
Orleans Picayune.
In England the queen only can
drive eight horses on state occa-
sions. There is no objection, if you
wish, to seven horses and q mule.
A man is never so emphaticaIly
embraced by the spirit of economy
as when the church contribution box
stares him in the face.--Fulton
Times.
The Norristown Herald knows q
woman who wears out her hus-
bands trowsers; but does not state
whether she wears them out on her
self or on him.
The Boston Pilot hurls a poem at
England. The poem begins: 'Blust-
ering braggart, with blood on your
hands, Pirate and robber of seas
and landsP etc.
Item A woman passed another
on Lake street to-day, and didn't
look around to make any remarks
about Der new spring hattie Wo-
man was blind.-Elmira Gazette.
While a man was eating piece of
pie at Whitehall restaurant, he
found fault because he found piece
Of rusty pike in it. But then what
kind of pie could he expect without
pike rust.-WhitahNll Times.
Might have known better.-Small
boy (entering shop)-I want pen
nywOrth o. canary seed Shopkeep-
er (who knows the boy)-1s't for
your mitherT Small boy Contempt
uousIy)-,NoI it's for the bird
A wicked Connecticut man being
recently taken ill, and believing he
was about to die, told q neighbor
that he felt the need of preparation
for the next world, and would like
to see some proper person in regard
to it. Immediately the feeling friend
sent for q fire insurance agent
Hartford Courant.
1t is very difficult to look at the
picture in Harper's Weekly, of Stan
lev and five negroes in q skiff, fight
ing 46,957 1928, 544, SI7, 922, 1854, 600, 900
savage negroes, all armed with re-
peating and breech-loading rifles, at
ten PAGES, without yielding to the
impression that either Mr.. Stanley
is given to prevarication or the art
ist has misunderstood his figures
Hawkeye.
Old Lord Elpinstone was asleep at
church, while the minister, q very
addleheaded preacher, was holding
forth. At length the parson stop
ped and cried 'Waukin, my Lord
| Alphinstone.' q am no sleeping.
minister But We are sleeping-I
wager ye dinna ken what l said
last 'Ye said, 'Wsukin, my Lord
Alphinstone." 'Ay, ay, but 1 wa
ger ye dinna ken what said sfore
that. Il wager ye dinna yersel.'
1t ia said 'the dirt washed ont of
| the shirts and jumpers worn by
erages in weight fifty pounds dav,
| anu HAS OO0u iOunu W assay pAO0.1O
a tom This is probably a campaign
lie to induce Henry Clay Dean to
wash his shirt. Those who know
Dean best are willing to wager that
his shirt would yield fifty pounds
of dirt, but would not assay enough
gold to pay him for the labor OF
washing it.-Nor. Herald.
Little Annie is too cunning for
anything, and, like most little folks
she says queer things. A few
nights ago her mother had prepar-
ed her bed, and kneeling by heI
mothers side she repeated the
Lords prayer as usual. She had nc
sooner concluded than she repeated
it again rapidly. Annie said heI
mother, why do you say your
prayer twice Then the little in.
nocent looked up and remarked
well, mama, feel Just like pray
ing tonight, and tomorrow nigh
may notP