The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-06-27
Wit and HumOr.

WANTBD-A "picture of happiness"
for "frame of mind"
No one but a coward strikes in the
dark, and then he only strikes light.
If were in the sun and you were out
of it, what would the sun becomes Sin.
A MOTTO for the man with tender feet:
"Cornucopia"-A copious amount of
corns.
Eyes" said man, as he bent his ell
bow to raise the twentieth glass of beer,
cit is overwork that kills"
"DYIKa in poverty" says modern
moraist, sis nothing; it Is living in pow
erty that comes hard on fellow"
IT is said that the Vice President goes
right ahead and never smiles. He must
be stern hceler.-Nev Ysrk Herald.
LADY on shopping excursion-"Oh,
dear, that blanket is much too good! |
want it for charitable purposes. "-PunM
"AkD what is arithmetic!" asked n
teacher in one Of our city private schools.
ga book with sums in" shouted ten
year-old boy.
"WHAr is wisdoml' asked teacher Of
class of small girls. A bright-eyed
little creature arose and answered: IN
formation of the brain"
"THB biscuit" says newspaper writer
sis the national gastric clog, the huge
sporegorm of seIfpropagating and self
perpetuating dyspepsia"
AN India.rubbcr baby has been con-
IL 4 n.
the natural one that it requires an expert
enced mother to tell the difference.
PRovIDENT MINISTER. 81 wish to
state that have procured an alarm clock
that will wake up the congregation as
soon as the service is over. "-Hdrpers
Bazdr.
go out, young man, she's not here"
said Tuskegee preacher last Sunday, In
the midst of his sermon, to youth whom
he saw standing hesitating in the door
way.
THE czar is self sacrificing. He is even
willing to give Scrvia some more Turkish
territory, for the sake of peace. That
beats Artcmus Wards patriotism. -
Graphic.
and say they won't accept positions.
Just offer one of them the presidency Of
bank once. That would be a square
test.-Pue6.
BALTIMORE consumes more tea than
any other city in the Union, and they
don't plant it either.-Free Pross.
Hence the word Bawl-tea-more." -
Phila. Bulletin.
THE Paris exposition has been formal
~ opened and the American restaurants
have promptly advanced tho price of
kiln, dried sandwiches to twenty nine
cents an ounce.
~ SAY, JIM" said one friend to anoth-
er, on meeting, III hear our friend A. has
been in speculation heavily. Has he
made anything9" "Ycs," said Jim, "he
made an assignment"
6AHApA's INVITATIONS:
Here is rest for those who skip
A home for flying cashiers found;
Far from the laws ayenging grip.
They live in peace and slumber sound.
CiRoUssEs are little backward this
season. Only five of them are the "big
pest show on earth" Each of the other
six is simply the most complete aggre-
cation on the road. "-Norristopn Herald,
COOP NArURED Doctor: "Stay, those
eyes can be cured. will undertake the
operation and restore the sight" Bcggar
"And deprive me of my livelihoodi A
pretty idea Do you want to ruin meV'-
Funny Folks.
THE time has come when the coroner
4 :, II. h.,
tors sanctum, and for the juries to begin
to sign verdicts reading, "Died from of
fering an editor poetry on spring. Justi-
fable homicide"
BRIpGET-"Wot's the most genteel
thing for lady as is a lady, to carry in the
street, NoraT Cook-"Sure, thin, some
prefers a three volume book, but pre-
iers a roll of music mcself-Quitc care
less and aisy like"
IA VACUUM would be the best place for
fellow to fall into, wouldn't it, Bill' for
then, you know, he wouldn't fall against
anything" "Ycs, he would, though"
stoutly answered Bill; "he would fall
against his inclination"
WHAT if book agents should begin to
carry monographs about with them. The
thought is dreadful and keeps us awake
nights. On, Edison, we implore thee,
call in the phonograph and issue no
morc.-Nev York Mail.
EpIsox's photograph can whistle,
sing, howl and jaw, but it can't throw
stone at yowliug cat on the back fence,
or kick chrome agent of the front stoop.
There is still lots of room for improve
ment.-NorrtstCwn Herald.