The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1878-07-13
HUMOROUS.

AhE lick OF time" is well repre-
sented In the ratchet wheel of the clock.
-Ne0 Scissors.
a YOUNG man from a neighbOring
town broke off an engagement because
his girl named a pet calf after him.
Rome Sentinel.
How doth the Anderson improve
Each moment as it flies,
ny telling lies and lies and lies,
AND lies and lies and lies.
-Haoteys.
OVER at the exposition they are laying
up something for a rainy day-not an
umbrella, but Paris-haul.- Whitehall
Times.
MATHEMATICS. Freshman at board.
Professor" Mr. E. what have you got?'
T. Gnnocently)-"Pve got stuck Yale
Record.
The height of po1iteness is passing
round upon the opposite side of the lady,
while walking with her, in order not 10
step upon her shadow.
IF yotir foot is asleep, do not be alafnt-
ed; the poet tells us that the soul is not
dead that slumbets-SyrdcuSe Sunday
Times.
CAGE and Wedlock bring a man to
his night cap" remarked the philosopher
when lis wife inquired why he chewed
carGnnon seeds in bed.
THE Texas legislature proposes to ex-
empt the dogs of widows and orphans
from taxation. The Barkises are willin'.
Com. Advertiser.
The Arab is always polite. Even
when he cuts throat he says, Sorry,
my friend, that your neck isn't trifle
longer" Free Press.
IT is very singular fact that all the
shoes manufactured in the United
States, when they are shipped from the
manufactures, are box-stowed.-
eye.
Down in Maine there is man who
attends church merely to hear the Fms
singing. He has an ear for tn Maine
chants, you Hacknsack Repub-
6can.
Mr.. JASPER, your hand. The sun
does move! we agree with you. 1t al
ways strikes us square in the eyes, which
ever side of the car we may fly to-
ROckLand Courier.
AND now they say that it was Long
Island mosquitoes that threw the Coney
Island train off the track.-Bo8tOn Post.
Very likely. They are apt to disturb
the sleepers.
BALTIMORE Eyery Saturday shrieks:
Give US whisky or give us DEATH"
Why not try some of our Rochester
whisky and combine the two ?-R0chester
Express.
ABOUT the first bit of Scripture boy
gets knocked into him is when he is bare
footed and steps on bee. Then he res
alizes that there is time to dance
Reokttk Constitutions.
To the would-be but can't be sleeper,
the robins sweet, melancholy greeting
song to the rosy god of morn is painfully
suggestive of the ululation of an un-
creased axle.-Boston Traveller.
ADVICE to young writer's: If you
would be clear and forcible, don't use
foreign words. Be natural. 4 man
never stops to hunt up foreign word
when he is stung by hornet.-Ou CITY
Derrick
A COIL of steam pipes around each
hill of sweet corn will prevent the seed
kernels from freezing up and bursting,
and will also attract the shivering po-
tatO bugs away from the vines.-Net0
HaUea Register.
Is satan married? asks the Chicago
Times. No, he is stingy, immoral old
bachelor, and writes lying paragraphs
about mothers-in-law, in order to scare
young men away from matrimony,-Ap-
pleton's Journal
SHORT time ago we advertised a
Fourth of July Grafton for sale, together
with the orator, and we've had no less
than thirteen applications for the same.
Who says advertising doesn't pay?-
Watertoacn Dispatch.
AN exchange says: " AZ piece of rag
soaked in solution of cayenne is capt.
tai thing to put into mouse-h holes They
Will not attempt to eat it, Here-away,
households never attempt to eat any
thing. AdUertiSer.
OBITUARY.-Whyis the hen immor-
tai? Because her son never sets.-&.
Louis Globe Democrat Wrap its little
pen around it; fold it's humor on its
breast; since we know the Globe has
found it, let us give that joke rest.
Aged sixty-ive years.-S. Louis Journal.
A MAN may live through the battles
and sermons without showing the slight
est sign of restlessness or fear, but the
chances are that he is nervous beyond
description while passing an ice-cream
saloon with pretty girl on his arm and
no shekels in his pocket.-Puck.
ACTING up to his principles.-Gentle-
man: Why, man, you've swallowed
half cork in that whisky" Extra
hand: :" All right, sor; Pm contint. I've
larned to take Everything in the spirit in
which it is offered. "-Funny Eolks.
THERE are said to be only three
hundred thousand drunkards in the
United States. This doesn't look very
well for the Democratic party at the
next election.-HaWkeye.
PROFESSOR" Can you multiply to-
gether concrete numbersp The class
are uncertain. Professor" What will
DE the product of five apples multiplied
by live potatoes?' Freshman triumph
antly y" HASH"
COLLEGE professor Ito Junior, who has
been taking advantage of his absent
mindedness): young nan, l find ON
looking over the records that this makes
the fifth time in two years that you have
been granted leave of absence to attend
your grandmother funeral. '-Harper's
Bazaar.
90 Go straight, young man." the maiden said,
+" And get your head sand-paper-ed;
For, by yon moon Pll never wed
A fellow with frowzy head"
He went. And now the flies delight
To roost upon him day and night,
And hum sweet praises while they bite.