Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-03-01
f q n I!

A little girl who was spending her first
month on a farm in the country, was ask
ed, "What do you like best in the coun-
try?'' Replied the child, 81 like the
country because there are no corners!
When am at home mother tells me not
to 60 further than the corner OF the street,
but-don't you see?-there are no corners
here, and can go anywhere"
A vIcKsBURG negro fell from the deck
of steamboat the other day, was sucked
under coal barge, came up In time to
catch his breath before he slid under a raft
mile long, and finally scrambled ashore
down at WarrentOwn, about seven miles
below, with the remark, mo use tryin',
We kant drown a deep water Baptls'."
Eminent staticians have calculated that
the amount Of ingenuity and labor expend
ed by impecunious topers in getting free
drinks would, if devoted to any honorabl,
and useful pursuit, pay off the national
debt in little more than six years an'
eight months.
If YOU pass through the hen-roost with
careful eye, just now. you Will notlce d
sadness creeping over the countenai.ce ol
the old hens II is not si.Lply the know
ledge that they must die, but he though
that they must be sold for spring chickens
after they're lail out.
inf
er at ternoon, and noticed that there was
Only one match in the box. NOW ii that
shouldn't burn tonight when | come in, :"
soliloquized he, what Tx | should be
in.' So he tried it to see if it was Il good
one. 1t was. ..
':What is the use Of trying to be
honest?" asked young man the other
day of friend. Cob, you ought to try il
once and see,'' was the reply. AND til,
young man wanted to put head on bis
plain-spoken friend.
1t cast gloom over an entire church
fair, the other night, when the minister's
son walked up to the grabbing and prize
cake table and demanded that the game be
exclaimed to him before he bought his
chips.
Memory is tickle jade. A man may
distinctly remember loaning sciloOlmatt
half dollar twenty-five years ago, and for.
get all about the five DOLE rs he borrowed
from friend only last December.
A Kentucky man of VIGOROUSLY COLI
vivial habits explained that he wore
temperance ribbon in the hope that some
body would ask him to drink in the ex
pectation that he would refuse.
While growing at her husband last
summer. a New York woman was struck
by lightning. If you wish your wife tosee
th 5 paragraph, cut it out and paste 1t Oh
the looking glass.
The old maxim, ''be chaste and you'll b
happy is contradicted point blank by u
Black Hills man, who was recently ciaseG
ten miles by party Of led-skins
Yes, the privations Of frontier life are
terrible, but then, people thus located
know nothing Of book pedlcls, life insur
ance agents, and other modern evils.
An Albany lawyer, who wanted post
ponement, appealed to the judge to ''let
the broad-axe of justice be swung by the
hand of mercy" 1t was swung.
Yesterday policeman arrested man
who tried to explain that he was only
weary The policeman explained that
there is arrest for the weary
when tempted to do evil he wrote to
his Josephine. shine image rises up before
me, and 1 say, Get thee behind me,
Satan!"
Man may love his wife with the fervor
of a clear-draft blast furnace, yet he will
not smile when she trumps over him in
euchre.
An exchange takes half column to
tell "What we drink, !" whereas some folks
have simply to wink at the bar-keeper.
Little girl (who likes tie drive horses and
play billy wish God would smash me
all to pieces and make me into boy"
s.What have you learned at college, my
sos?'' ''We never learn anything; they
won't let us see The newspapers"
A bug crawling down the shirt collar
must be promptly attended to, no matter
how glorious the sunset.
If girl wants to fetch her beau, let her
give h m pinch Of snuff. That will bring
him to his sneeZe at once.
II the men who writes anonymous let
tiers has never stolen sleep it is the fault
of the sheep.
Adam missed one Of the luxm les of life.
He couldn't laugh in his sleeve.
Some men are So absorbed 10 religion
that they forget their debts.