The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-02-07
Breakfast Table Crumbs.

The Turk is no longer dreaming of
the hour" 1t has come.
THERE are some things harder to keep
than diary, even-a three-dollar pocket
knife, for instance.
THE fool-killer seems to have a hard
time in cornering the man who eats a
quail day for thirty days.
A WOMAN never SO fully realizes her
dependence upon man as when she under
takes to sharpen lead pencil.
THE pufed-up egotist who says a We
man can not do anything as well as
a man, has never seen her pack trunk.
THE march of civilization finds it
hard to catch up with the man who
shovels food down his throat with a
knife.
SHADE of William Penn! Is nothing
sacred from the grip of fashion? A
Quaker Westinghouse at Iowa Falls
has steeple on it.
WHAT the country needs as much as
anything else is three-cent piece that
can't swindle near-sighted man out of
seven cents every time it bobs along.
THE custom of kicking sewing machine
and book agents down stairs is custom
that is as much honored in the breech as
the observance. Ah-um-Shakspeare!
HAWTHORNE said that manual labor
was part of the primeval curse, and that
it brutiied whoever had to do with it"
Now we know why the American tramp
won't saw wood.
1T is no trouble at all for DR.. Schlie-
mann to learn a new language. He
mastered modern Greek in six weeks,
and didn't study half as hard as some
men do over how to live without work.
THE man with stomach as uncom-
Portable as tenement house will be glad
to learn that popcorn will cure dyspep-
sia. 1t don't take over five or six hun
dred bushels for the most stubborn case.
LACE mittens are coming into style,
but the STRIPPING who is presented with
one goes home with a soul as full of bitter
ness as his father did in the long, long
ago, when he got one of the old-fashioned
blue yarn kind.
WE infer that the Marquis of Lorne
is not building the kitchen fire this win
ter, as we read that he presented his
wife with a set of diamonds worth
ninety thousand dollars about the time
cold weather set in.
CIVILIZATION is not a myth after all.
The Indians are beginning to swap COON
| skins for fne-toothed combs. The
soldiers were not sent West for nothing !;
and now where's the man who says no
good ever comes from keeping standing
army?
| DR.. MARY WALKER says she don't
care bootjack whether she ever votes
or not. She has all the law she wants,
and seven pairs of trowsers. Well, it
does seem as though that ought to make
life look like flower garden in June to
most anybody.
TALK about female curiosity-it's all
one-sided. Let one man stop on the
street to spell out sign on the top of a
high building, and every other mothers
son that goes by will stand still and stare
for ten minutes trying to make out what
the first idiot is looking at.
THE common advice among some peo-
pie to youth, to "be contented," is
about as wise as to advise them to climb
a sunbeam and light their cigarettes at a
star. Exemplary lives and sound liver
are the fulcrum and the lever that raise
the human heart to beatitude.
WHEN a man turns short corner in
a big hurry and makes the discovery
somewhat abruptly that another unfor
tunate is trying to do the same thing in
the opposite direction, he always blurt:
out something about qualified fool
and he don't mean the other man.
SMALL feet may be an indication ot
gentility and refined sensibilities, bu
when it comes to demonstrating with {
bad boy for fooling with door bell
even the most blue-blooded aristocra
more than half wishes that he had t.
have his boots made over an alligato
cook-stove.
THE day may dawn when politics viii
become as pure as goats milk, and pos
sibly there may be period in the dis
tant future when the long sufferin.
mother-in-law will not be persecutet
by the newspapers, but the chances ar
tolerably safe to bet on that it will b
just about as hard to get boy up in tn
morning in that bright era as it eve
was.