Connecticut western news., 1878-01-31
WIT AND WISDOM.


 
 Experience may be dear teacher, but she isn't any dearer than a pretty schoolma'am.
 Tt is hard to induce the newspaper publisher to believe there is no hell, for what club, hanging so effectual, could he have to hold over the heads of delin-, quent subscribers.
 If you're going to keep @ d 'ary, keep it. Don't leave it in your other pants pocket where your wife will get hold of it for @ day or so ard appear to you, claiming to be mind-reader. .....r
 -" It is not right to spoil golden wedding" was the ground on which a Missouri Judge recently refused a di- vorce in a case where the parties had lived together forty mine years. ,,y
 -Retribution has the name of being sure, but it's slower than hired man. The inventor of the velocipede is still getting his three meals day, and wear ing good clothes, we understand. a
 It was very cold night for ten mile carriage ride, nevertheless many young people took it to dance. Very few of them would walk three blocks to church if the weather were unpleasant.
 Changes come with the seasons. The man who last year lay in bed while his wife built the fire, will this year let his wife build the fire while he lies in bed. Thus is married devotion rewarded.
 It was an eminent light of the law who said there were two things that man could not foretell-one being what sort of a man any particular woman would marry, and the other what sort of verdict a petit jury would give. . .A.. u5
 The following obituary appeared in Memphis paper on man killed by a .circular saw: He was an upright Christian, good citizen, and an ardent patriot, but with limited information with regard to circular saws"
 The soul may be compared to afeld of battle, where the armies are ready at every moment to encounter. Not single vice but has more powerful opponent, and not one virtue but may be overborne by 8 combination of vices. .a4.a
 Did you ever sit down before the grate and cross your legs and wonder how it comes that dear little toddling youngster, too small to lift dictionary, can ask questions that would send 8 college professor to the foot of the classp
 When misfortunes happen to such as dissent from us in matters of religion we call them judgements when to those of our own sect we cali them trials when to persons neither way distinguished we are content to attribute them to the settled course of things, 4 ...... ga
 -"Dont prevaricate, sir, !" thundered justice to witness who was trying to evade some important question. '' Can't help it, Judge," answered the youth. ." Ever since that circus mule kicked out two of my teeth, is compelled to pre- waricate right smart. '" yn,r..r9
 There is Russian proverb which says that misfortune is next door to stu pidity, and it will generally be found that men who are constantly lamenhng their ill-luck are only reaping the conse- quences of their own neglect, misman- agement, improvidence or want of apph- cation. ........ rna
 Truth is tough. It will not break, like bubble, at touch nay, you may kick it sbout all day like football and it will be round and full at evening. Does not MT. Bryant say that truth gets we'll if she is run over by locomotive. while error dies of lockjaw if she scratches her finger. ..u
 One of the few wealthy Mormons of Salt Lake City was asked the other day why he had not turned over his property to the U. O. some years ago, according to the revelation to Brigham Young. "Ah," said the elder, "of courseI firm ly believed in the Presidents power of prophecy, but, you see, in such an i'm portant matter as this I would prefer to have the revelation myself.
 The Trenton (N. J.) Gazette advises engaged couples travelling through that place to ascertain the length of the tunnel under the canal there. This is suggested out of pure charity, for the other afternoon young man attempted to kiss his girl in the temporary dark ness, but the car shot out into the full light of day, and one of the beholders cruelty asked hlm if the tunnel wasn't too short. .. u..s.. ..a.a4N'- Watch young man of average in- dustrious habits and you will find that he understands when the hour of twelve or six comes to the half second but put the same individual of an evening alone, in pleasant heated parlor, with pretty girl, and he won't have the least idea its nearly two a. m., until he hears the roosters growing. It is at such a crisis as this, that stern father shines most brightly as a timepieoe. .......
 A young woman in Toledo, after re- ceiving ten notes, in as many hours, from lover whose address she had rejected, sat down with fury in her eye to write an answer that would wipe out his love- making as with a sponge. But the little carrier softly touched the hem of her garment and whispered eff you please, mum, don't write anyting that will scare him so he won't send any more notes, cause I'm maxim five cents every trip in | thiS had yyeathern n