The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-01-24
Wit and HumOr.

A TIE vote-When both parties vote
yea and preacher ties the knot.
A CONCERTED ignoramus went little
too far when he boosted of his adventures
in three hemispheres.
THE head waiter of saloon in Boston
was referred to as "a gentleman of soup
.Or-tish-al attainments."
"LIQuoR in hog>heads" exclaimed an
old lady, looking over her paper. snow
look out for the drunken swine"
If you want to make half the men in
the street stop and turn around, whistle
to stray dog on the opposite sidewalk.
WHAT is the difference between Jew
aid a lawyer! The one gets his law from
the prophets, and the other his profits
from the law.
A MAN at Calais, Maine, has lived 81
days on bran and water. This proves
that Dio Lewis is not the only trst-class
fool in America.
at seems to me that our milk has
been chalk o. late" said the witty son of
what the milkmen call "a four-quar, fam
lily" the other morning.
We see the Star shirt laundry adver-
tised in a Vermont paper. But who
would be so reckless asterisk his linen in
a concern with such namcl
"WHAT station do you call this9"
grOaned a traveller, as he crawled out of
the wreck Of a smashedup railway train.
"Devaststion," replied the conductor.
AN exchange wants to know how the
Turks happened to learn t. fight so we'll.
Why, man, most of the Turkish officers
have half a dozen wives-7'urner's Falls
Gazette.
SAID friend to a bookseller: "The
book trade is affected, suppose, by the
general depression. What kind of hooks
feel it mUst" "Pocket- books was the
laconic reply.
A NEW YORK editor heads an article,
"What We Drink AS he names moth
ing but water, we suspect that he has
been refused trust at the beer saloons.-
NOrrssto,on Herald.
"MR. PRESIDENT" said delegate in
recent convention, 81 think we should
adjourn till TO morrow, as | notice that
there ere fifteen delegates in this conven-
ton here who are absent"
"EGas are eight cents this morning."
said a country storekeeper to Il testy old
rural gentleman. swell, what OF it9"
the old man snarled. Eggs have been
ate sence ever can remember"
AN old lady in London said to street
vagabond; "My good man, where is the
Oxford Arms2" to which the street vaga-
bond, opening his own arms. replied
"Here they is, mum, an offered freely
SAYS the Rome Sentinel. A farmer was
asked why he did not take the newspa-
per. Because" said he, my father,
when he died, left me a good many news
papers, and have not read them through
yet"
A sEEpY old chap thinks that it is very
strange that the number of men who are
willing to lend you five dollars is so out
rageously small in comparison with the
number who want to borrow that
amount.
EARLY rising WAS strongly advocated
bv the Duke of Wellington. who used to
say: when man turns over in bed it is
high time to turn out of it," No doubt
ne DeIitNcu tudt oHc Soou tuln ocseI'eS
another"
A MAN was sitting for his photograph.
The operator said; snow, sir, look kind
O. pleasant Smile little The man
smiled, and then the operator exclaimed
40! that will never do. 1t is too wide for
the Instrument
A WITTY French lady. who was an
"adopted" member of famous military
corps, when a cigar WAS lighted in her
presence with the remark, II suppose
they smoke in your regiment" said, Yes,
but not in my company
"DoN'r you find it hard to stand your
misiortunesf" asked gosspiug person
of an acquaintance. "Oh, no; It's easy
enough to stand my misfortunes; it's
what people ask me about them that's
too much for me-" was the reply.
THE carver asked Mr. - which be
would have, leg or u wingl ITS a
matter of perfect Indifference to me-" re-
piled the person addressed. "And to me-"
replied the carver, laying down his knife
and fork and resuming his dinner.
"WuAr's the matter, joint You look
very much depressed. Has your savings
bank burstY" mo. But my sweetheart
and l have had u quarrel, and I'm 50
afraid she'll make up with me before
Christmas that don't know what to dol"
A BOOK agent, soliciting subscrip-