The Morning herald., 1878-04-18
.tSUNBEAMS.

When is a jealous husband like o Cat
When che smells rat"
To sleep in your clothes spoils the nap.
Albany Argus. .a.-,..
What is the best name for a waiter
Why, Cumming, sir, of course.
The puHed-up egotist who says a yo-
man cannot do anything so well as man
has never seen her pack trunk.
A Chicago lady complains of the unre-
mitting love of an absent husband. He
never sends her any money.
A Maine paper aptly eulogizes local
nastor as having "made six hundred hearts
heat as three hundred" during his min
ist-y.
The Bible says:-"Of all things, wis.,
dom is profitable to man." That's so. A
man never calls his wife baldheaded old
woman but once. -
How to start roomer nowadays-Just
let his landlady ask him for next week s
board in advance.-M Y. Commercial Ad-
vrtiser. III
An old SALT sitting on wharf the other
day, very soberly remarked: II began
the world with nothing, and I have held
my own ever since. a. o-
hen-pecked husband of Brooklyn says
that his wife is regular "vertigo. ."-Dars-
bury Nsus Alludlny, probably, to the
violent way in which she flies to his head.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
A scientific correspondent of the Brook
lyn Union explains that the center lamp on
the street cars has been introduced as
relief to the horses; it makes the car
lighter.
"Always try to hit the nail upon the
head, my boy" said an uncle to his
nephew; but the nephew's little cousin
whispered to him, Don't hit the nail on
your finger, for it hurts awful"
The English language is inadequate to
express the forlorn feelings of the boy
who thinks he has stolen Il dime novel and
finds it to be cook ook.--Iu,ners Eulls
Reporter.
'If we would have free country, we
must have a free press" heroicaily ex-
claimed devoted daughter of rich
Nevada miner, as she slid down grape
arDor at two O'Clock in the morning and
then clipped with poor editor.
VI can't kill 'em. Phenicia On. W
cat It had been shut up in a shed for
twok onths and u half without food or
Wat was taken out alive the other day,
auY offended u soiree mewslcale on the
fence the following evening.
|: creditor in Maysville, KY, sought to
~ an attachment on the ground that his
ueDtor had said, Pm going to sell out and
90 to hell" thus justitying belief that he
A,cnded to quit the State. The Justice
decided that the remark was no indication
that the debtor meant to 80 out of Ken
lucky.
Little Johnny has peculiar views as to
original sin. One day he was about to be
punished for some mlsdemeanOr, when he
EIeaded.-''lt wasn't me, mamma, dear;
it was the bad man" "Well, Johnny, 1
am going to whip the bad man out OF
YOU" ''Ah, yes, but it will hurt me
precious lot more than it will the bad
man,"
schoolboy being requested to write
composition upon the subject of pins pro-
duccd the following: g:-''Plns are very USE
tul. They have saved the lives of great
lnony mcn, women and children-in tact
Whole families" How so?' asked the
p"zzed teacher. 1.-The boy replied
Why, by not swallowing them"
little Athol boy, guilty of some mis-
conduct, upon being asked why he could be
SO naughty, replied that he thought he was
hot doing anything very wrong. ''Ihat's
10 excuse" said his mother; thinking
Doesn't help the matter much" ""ell,
mamma, said he, what's the use of Aav
ing "a thinker, if you can't Think"
What is your religion, my friend p
asked clergyman of tramp with a cal
cluM nose. Me? belong to the Moth
MARIAN denomination" "Indeed? l never
Aeard OF that sect. What are its tenets p
earnestly inquired the parson "Why, we
0elieVe, ye see, thut-we believe thut-wall
we believe, that whatever hez happened
M Suz to be whether it come to pass or
not.
In Nubia, as soon as a girl is married,
tef mother is forbidden by law ever again
W. W speak to her, under pain of being roasted
w @ .ne spit. Oh dear! what a great deal
tua. r Is really good in the institutions of
rbr;L1. Ir1batnendom might be adapted by us
IIniiSIlans Io Let an American mother-in-
"a" n beware, however, if her daughters
HuSoald hn1 proposes trip to Nubia some of
m;.fs 'msse Gays. He will have her on that spit
naa "lsuln slx hours after her arrival at the
usafeSt Nuban port.