The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-12-28
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


The elegant English for the "Swcct by'and'hl
is the "sacchariuc future
Indians never kiss each other, and havlh!
seen few Indians, who can blame them!
Surprise is one of the principal elements o
wit. That is why it always makes man lansl
when he sits down on pin.
take away woman" asked 4 writer "anc
what would follow" We would. GIVE lis some
thing hard next tlmc.-Er.
Mfr. William T.. Chandler says that Presidcn
Hayes sis poor cuss, and that comprcsSe'
much in little
The In G,lcA Shorter of the Black Hills, notes
The gathering of snifter by II galoot with q
pocket-pun. The Shorter claims to be printed in
English
The editor of the Wenona hi,L challenges the
administration of his rural subscribers by telling
them 1--WE are having the hog cholera
The latest cure for hydrophoba, discovered by
Abe Carlisle (Ky.) Messenger, is a drink OF vine
gar, accidentally takon,"
An Iowa paper gives thrilling account oil Inc
effort of young man to take home widow ana
three swarms of bees at the same time in a
wagon.
The smartest thing about emmy man IL his con
sentence; he may outurgy his reazon or otulliiy
his faith but he kant beat his conschicncc. BW-
inGS.
The Isractcs used a separate plate
For all flesh and fowl and fishes,
And, though they enjoyed all the food they ate,
Twas certainly in jew dishes
--Hock,nsock Republicon.
In a Danbury clothing store is a card announc-
ing: "Perfcctly fitting garments. Every article
sets IS good rs hcn.'-Nc"S.
Worshippcrs who disagree with their clergy
man in Window, Mimi. can walk up the pulpit
stairs and knock Him down. but it costs -.
HAYES rcbuking election frauds presents a pic
nresquo and inspiring spcctacle--N. ]. Uorf".
"Absence makes the heart grow fondcr." -OM
n~. It may have been so in the past; but about
these Christmas times it is presents that count.
Says Rev Mcleod, a bit Of black ribbon or
Grape will tell the story of bereavement just as
well ~ a complete mourning suit" How would
a black eye answer
A st. Louis papers says; "A feather cloak, made
Of 81, $50 feathers of quail prairie chickens and
wild ducks is for sale in the city" Enough for
. whole bird show in that cloak. That's proba-
bly, why quail and ducks have come into the ST.
Louis market lately all picked.
Bob Ingcrs0l sort OF man wants to know
why, when thunder storm visits Il town contain |
ing 80 saloons, the lightning will dodge all the
saloons and strike church? Probably the light. |
ming is afraid of the delaf'nm tremens
That mule that kicked can OF nitro-g lyccrinc
aud got worstcd has disgraced the whole mule
family. What good is there in a ,oowted muleg
Several fellows that have been overiakcn by
resumption were in town this week. They are
ordinarily called tramps. --GreenJnck organ.
Yes, they are rabid grcenbackcrs and opposed
~ the resumption of-labor.
Aurora has II man named Unfried. Is he araw
Dutchman y-Kdnkdkec Gdzettc.
Aurora has newspaper called the Deacon.
That is ''unfricd'' too. Its editorials are crisp
and salty, aud may be called rashers of Bacon.
writer in the Rockford register raises dis
mally plaintiye voice against the use Of tobacco
Our advice to him is, 10y all means don't use the
rccd-you don't have to, you know.
That vas an intelligent and discriminating
New York Justice who, losing patience with
hard case brought before him, said: "What's
the use Of your lying about it so clumsily-have
mt you got lawyer"
Yes, il pays to sue publishers for libel. Mr.. {
Dottrell, Of Milwaukee, has just got to the end
Of such a suit against the Wisconsin newspaper. |
He sued for $4,000, and got all Of it-cxcept i
sa4 1895.
Now the Ice water tank at the corner grocery ,
'tore has lost its charms, but the warm stove
md the open herring box impart "ae same
heir delightful gonialty and cosncss so dear
% The local statesman
young doctor spends his leisure hours prac-
icing on the cornct and passcrs.by, thinking an
is going on inside. are deluded as to
he number of the mans patents. II
IA exchange snccrs 1T the London Court Circu.
q, for speaking of Daniel Wcbstcr'S Dictionary, IL
nd yet II is very probable that Daniel had die t
iousry. He could not always be borrowing ey. :
,ything. C
CONFIDENCE. Ir
Said Mrs Brown, n
when you go down town, ,
Ny dear, forgctful spouse, II
You won't forget lc
To 70 and get f
load OF kndng wood for the house"
DECEPTION. Z,
'lou are so good |,
To think Of the wood
For you opened your dreaming lips "
In your sleep last night, -.
And said outright,
IN take another dollars worth Of chips a
---------- n
With ShiiOh's Consumption Cure you can cure 4
OurscN II has established the fact that Con- +
lmpliOn can be cured while for Coughs, BrOn-
hits, Whospiug Cough, Asthma, and all dis '
ocs Of Throat and Lungs. It is absolutely with {,
ut ~ equal. Two doses will relieve your child
I Group, it j. pleasant 10 take and perfectly d
armless to the youngest child and no mother Il
Al afford 10 bo without it, You can use two ;,
birds Of Il bottle and If what We say is not tue y
re will refund the price paid Price 10 cts. 50ct- II
nd SlOO per bottle. If your Lungs are Sore o. n
hest or back lame use Shloh's Porous Plaster.
old by FORBES &GRHRISG, Ottawa, H.