The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1878-07-24
HIRAM JENKINS MISTAKE.

Hiram jenkins drove slowly up the
hill road that leads to deacon Bates
Ii was plain even TO the casual Observ.
or that the errand he was bound upon
was one of no common Importance. No
man could have arrayed himself so
gorgeously simple for the purchase OF
tub of fall butter or yoke Of steers.
His hair was in state of distressing
smoothness, and seemed almost part
Of the glossy hat which covered it.
His coat and pantaloOns were marvels
in their way, and his boots, which had
been deliberately BACKED, reflected
back the rays of the setting sun in a
manner perfectly binding to the be-
holder. And yet, Notwithstanding his
superiority in all these respects to the
lilies of the fields, there was apparent
in his actions singular sort of ner-
vousness, a trepidation almost which
rendered his appearance at once redic-
ulous and awkward. This trepidatiOn
was is no wise lessened by the sudden
vision of an urchin watching him from
the barn door, and who as the teama
preached, with widening grin, sped
off in the direction of the farm house,
and disappeared through the kitchen
door. Hiram was conscious a minute
afterwards of being the target of half a
dozen pairs of eyes from the sitting
room windows, and it required extra
ordinary strength of mind OH his part
to drive past the house to the shed
where the horses of all visitors was
hitched. There are a few more awk
ward things to do than to get out of d
carriage when women ale watching
and though Hiram had probably new
or thought of the fact before fully ex
periencing the truth, as endeavoring
to spring genteelly from the buggy hi:
foot slipped ON the wheel, and he came
down OH his hands and knees in the
dirt. His remarks rs no scrambled tC
his feet were confined to one word, but
that though short, was the most ex
pressive one in the English language.
an have to go around to the barr
and wash my hands before l go in,
he said to himself. 81 suppose they
are having their fun out of me in the
house now, COnfOund it, l wish had
not started"
As he passed the door of the horse
barn, which was partly opened, he
heard the sound of voices. He listen
ed, and his heart sank as he recognized
the voice of his rival, Elnathar
Rogers.
81 want her bad" he was saying
"She just suits me. You can always
have her you know, and you'd better
leall the thing settled"
81 don't know about that, answered
the deacon doubtfully. 81 have Away,
said, come what would, l wouldn'
part with Jennie. But you hang OF
so, ! don't know
! "say its Q bagaili, deacon. Pv'
thougbtitover q good while, and Jen
ny l must have. I'll treat her well
You may be sure of that"
The deacon hesitated, blew his nose
and finally said;
"she's got some little tricks tina
nobody knows anything about but ME
and l don't want to impose upon
neighbOr."
"Oh, pshaw! that's only an excus
deacon. I'm willing to risk it,"
J. sShe kicked me In the stomach las
winter, and bit little Sammy not NOR
than six weeks ago, can show yo
the scar nOw." & + Il .t'
"Great king" thought Hiram
"But here I was going to pop the que;
ton this'very night. Who would hay
! ever thought it?"
an take that out of her." said IL
nathan, continuing the conversation
eff she so much as lifts foot again;
me, I'll give her lickin' that will la;
q month"
slick" calculated Hiram to himse
astonished beyond measure. "Lic
Jennie Bates! Well, this goes ahea
q of anything l ever heard of. And I'll
4 old man dOsn't say, a. WORD! 'Whi
b next?"
, A pause ensued, which was at lea
broken by the deacon.
! "Well, if you must have her, yO
n must. | expect the old lady'll Ygl