The Hickman courier., 1878-06-21
The Ventilation Fiend.


The winter is past and gone, and the
%orIo Is at peace with the ventilation
henos thaI make life terrible so long as
stern winter rules the inverted year, or
something OF that sort. Ever since fresh
ar was invented has the earth
been cursed with people who tancled
themselves anointed to ladle out vast
volumes, aerial cataracts, chilling tor
rents OF fresh air 70 the nervous, tlmld,
delicate people who didn't want q PINT
OF 1t. The Ventilation idiot; who has
not seen nm? Who has not suffered at
his pitliess hands? Who has not
longed to kiil himl He haunts the rail-
way tram and he makes his dwelling Ia
the church he goes to the theatre; ne
lnVades your office; he tramples on the
sanctlty OF your home, and wherever ne
goes and whenever he comes, he orlngs
with him blasts from Greenland and theo-
RES irOm the stormy caves OF d1olus.
And he sweeps down upon yeu
and your peace. and your tran
gull home like tornado, and tie
Overwhelms You with fresh air until
you want 70 sufOcate. now you uo
hate him, the man whose hobby Is vents
lation.
lie dresses always in a manner pecu mar
10 his Jrl5s, doe; the fresh arr ldlOt. lie
wears two pairs Of w0olen stockings anI
heavy cork s0lej boots two suits al
flannel underweM, q chamols vest, llned
pantaloODs that weigh about eighteen
pounds, and ave as imperylous 70 air as
q rubber blanket 3 double breasted
coat, fur gloves and q seal skin cap
pulled down Overhis ears. Thus attiTedi
it is the delightof his one ideal soul to
meet you some brking September morn
ing, and regard II fixed stare and
wild howl OF you IN your fail
suit and iisaE - ON with t.
bless nay 50 :s.ss 0rn an over
coat for more ye1fs. What do
you want with SNvercoat? Brace up,
/ iDbale the frfshpair, fill your lung,
with it. till it makes your nerve:
/ tingIe with natural, health giving
/ glowing warmth" And he tries u
/ drar YOU off for a bleak walk down by
ihe edge of the river, and il Is all you
can do to get away from him, and wher
YOU do. he goes off sneeriug at mer
( VINO can't stand q little hracing N0vem
/ bsr air and have to muftle up in over
coats and as be goes perspiriug down th,
+ street. YOU know that If you muffled NJ
4 in half the amount of raIment he carries
Won would smother in q minute.
He bangs in upon you in your office
You are costly fixed st your work. YOl
have on q light Office coat and you
.Iipuers. and your Office is warm aug
comfortable. In comes the man witt
/ the ventilation hobby, fresh from out
doors. mufiei to the ears ~ usual
IS Whooft" he snorts, looking wildl,
around him what an oven. Don
vou know you are killing yOurzelf j;
hefe2 Whewl this air comes from
+ kiln. 1t dries up my lungs lik
parchment" And he leaves the doc
/ vide open and torrent Of icy wine
rushes In and bathes your siippere,
feet in chill that doesn't leave then
for a week: be rusbes across the Offic
and opens s. window on your back tha
makes you shudder hours after you ar
qsleep SHAT night; he closes the draft
and opens the stove deOr, and then sit
close behind il, ont Of the draft he ha
opened on you, and tells you hsw warn
aud how cOmf5uable he is and how b.
never permits his room 10 get so hot q
yours was When he came into IL. III
| deluges YOU with his gwaddle about lreal
air and veutiiaion, and doesn't go ava
aud le. Won make yourself comtorJabl
until he has C@ght you g cold that wil
stick TO YOU all winter, cost YOU 1925 70
medical servi@ and then kin YOU in th
spring.
He sits dombeside you in the rsilwa
car as soon es le sees you take OF you
overcoat. mass you sit next 10 the win
dow, and theDpens IL on you. J. h
hears You couh he tries to pull of you
mufler He Ens his fingers down you
. back to see YOU wear fsnnels, an
bowls his discovery IN derisive accents t
the bvst9ndeL sud makes you feel ur
comfortable a..saeminate. He pursue
YOU with chi5NI6raf,s and icy deluge
OF east wind. Ie is q nuisance of nu
sances. Wickd men swear At hin
Christians hathim, and humanity teaI
him and wouNlike % kill him. Bur
p iaut0u HaHkFe.