Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1878-05-09
A Shocking Bad Confession.
From the New York Graphic.

From the New York Graphic.
Uncle Sam Clearing noise outside goes to
the door and observes two seedy looking men
waiting to be spoken to)--Come in. What can
do for you?
Enter McLin and Dennis-Some fellers hez
robbed We down in Floridy. We come in to
confess their sins.
Uncle Sam Ito McLin) We'll, man, what do
you know about it?
McLin-Well, yer honor, they seen big
pile of yer property and they TUX it unob>
sarved.
Uncle Sam How do you know?
McLin-I seen 'em do it, yer honor, right
feminist me eyes.
Uncle Sam-Why didn't you prevent it or
give an alarm?
McIin--Sure was wild 'em. | didn't name
to stale, but think was unconsciously mes
merized.
Uncle Sam-You actually helped the other
thieves to carry off the plumber, did you?
McLin-Yis, did it all myself; was mes
merized.
Uncle Sam-Well, where is the property
now what did You do with it?
McLin-Sure, carried it off and gave it to
Rudd Hayes. He's Twin on it now this min
ute-the vagabone and thoie Of the woods
l was m;smerized
Uncle Sam-"Msmerized !" Well, you
haven't been "mismerized" ever since-all
these two years, have you?
McLin-No, faith I've bin tryin' every day
to get some of the stolen property back
Uncle Sam-For ne?
McLin-No, for me.
Uncle Sam-Oho That's it, is it?
McLin-Yis Ohio, that's the very thing
Uncle Sam--Did he promise to give you a
mart of the stolen pooda
McLin--Faith he did, or a frnd of his did.
He said if I'd do all the shtaling he'd give me
some of the loot; and yer honor-its the
truth I'm teln' ye-divil haporth have got
sight of. The auld villain !
Uncle SAM understand you to acknowl-
edge that you appropriated the goods.
McLin-What's that, your reverence
Uncle Sam-Stole the goods-you say you
stole them yourself?
McLin-The saints presarye me, l TUX 'em
but was mismerized, yer honor.
Uncle Sam-And if this Rud Hayes you
speak of had given back part of the goods
would you have used them?
McLln-Wud a hog ate acorns, yer honor
Uncle Sam-And, in that Gaze, you
wouldn't have told anything about the rob-
berry?
McLin-Av course not Why should I, yer
honor?
Uncle Sam-And it is because YOU didn't
get any benefit from the robbery that you ex-
posed this Hayes?
McLin-Yis; he's a dishonest and traitorous
auld divil.
Uncle Sam-Well, Dennis, what is the mat
ter with you
Dennis-Same thing, yer honor, long life to
yez | stole some of your things that some
other feller tould me this Teller wanted, and
not clint has he ever give me for it.
Uncle Sam-How came you to do such a
wicked thing?
MeLin-I was mismerized.
Uncle Sam-And you didn't either of you
know that you had done anything wrong till
you found that there wasn't to be fair divide
Both-Yis, that's 1T, yer honor; we're aw-
fully chated, and we two orphans, and large
families depnding on US for an honest livin'
AT this juncture Uncle Sam stepped off the
porch and unclaimed seven bulldogs that he
kept for purposes of moral suasion, and merely
said; "S-s-steboy The dogs and the
two honest informers started simultaneously
for the front gate and a long reach of open
country beyond. Uncle Sam smiled blandly
and went in to continue his experiments with
the phonograph. And as he turned the little
vocal cylinder, it said "Hal Ha Ha Ha
Ha f-TIa ha- ha Ht,.ha y,