The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-06-22
NUMBER 10.
PASSING SMILES.

AN tuitpl OItlS a iCWdtu VI go iOl buS
best treatise on How to make outdoor
life attractive to the mosquito"
FATHER" said asmart boy, i" don't
want to go. to work I'd rather have
saloon and keep baseball record"
WOMEN are not much given to the
study of dead languages. What's the
useY The bonnet is modern institution.
-Bredktast Table.
"PApER, sir" asked a newsboy. "No,
never read" was the blunt answer.
Hi, boys, come here" called out the
gamin here's a man as is practisin'
for the ;uryp'
TUE man who has never seen two wo-
men in Sh tker bonnets trying to kiss
each other has never experienced the re-
juvenating power of laugh that could
throw him down and kick him in the
ribs.-Breakfdst Table.
CHrERILy dawned the morning,
| Marbled the wood birds round;
| When they brought out the croquct wicMts
| And laid of the croquet ground.
Drearily closed the twilight,
| Scarcely word said,
| But they carried him out to the graveyard,
| with mallet Jump on his head.
DON'T tell man you sweat. 1t is vul-
gar. Inform him that you are being de-
prived of the saline and oleaginous fluids
of your material substance through the
excretories of your pellucid cuticle,
with sensible condensation of moisture
upon the superficial exterior.
A sTARE-oAsE-A telescope. Light
work-The gas-man's. A robbin' red
breast-The Indian. A gorgeous af-
fair--An aldermanic dinner The best
| policy--In the insurance Office that
doesn't fail Unwelcome settlers-Those
that offer ten cents on the dollar.
In recent case for assault, the de-
PENDANT pleaded guilty. az think I
must be gully" said he, because the
plaintiff and were the only ones in the
ROOM and the first thing knew was
that | was standing up and he was
doubled over the table. You had better
call it guilty."
"LEARN to smile," urges contem-
porary. This is pretty advice for an
editor to give, whose task is to mold pub
| lie opinion. Young men learn to +" smile"
soon enough without any newspaper in
>tructions on the subject. 1t is suspected
that the editor owns an interest in a
large distillery.
"NoT one man in thousand marries
the girl he most wanted. - Exchange.
Yes, but look Mt the lots Of girls who
wanted us, and who didn't marry us.
The joy of this thought is only equaled
by the sorrow of the thought that an
other girl who wanted us did marry us.
-Pittsburg Leader.
A LESSON IN SUBTRACTION: Aunt
Bella" Now look here, Tommy. Sup
pose there were three apples on the table.
Could / take away one and leave threeW
Tommy" Oh, no, Auntie Certainly
notP Aunt Bella" And why,
Tommy" Tommy" Because it
wouldn't be politep'
THE great Napoleon set apart 81, 900 a
year for dress. Unfortunately he had
aweakness for white kerseymere breeches,
cares Of State, he would constantly spill
ink, or gravy, or coffee upon the gar
ments, which he FASTENED to change as
soon as he perceived the mishap.
WIVES Of great all remind us
We can make our wives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us
Widows worthy Of our time.
Therefore give your wife a send-of
By the life insurance plan;
Fix her 80 that when you end of
She can scoop another man.
THE following conversation lately oc-
Cured in New England railway sta
ton: Pat" Plat is the fare to Put
nam?' Agent" Putnam in Massachu-
sets or Connecticut Pat" Plat is
the fare?" Agent" Five dollars to Put
nam, Mass, eight dollars to Putnam,
Ct" Pat" Well, bedad, OH take the
cheapest"
ESTABLISHED 1758," read guest at
the head of bill of fare, as he took his
first breakfast in the Bethlehem hotel.
Is that so, uncleg he inquired of the
gentleman of color who stood at his left
side. Yes, sah-yes sab; that's the
truf-ehery libing word" Does the
same man keep itY' "Well, / don't
know bout that, nassau You see, pse
new here, but I'll 'quire at the Office"
The pious trooper, very much inebri-
ated, is striving to Chamber into the
saddle, at every effort calling on saint.
est. Peter to my aid" he hiccups;
est. Paul, lend me hand st. Fidelis,
of Sigmaringen, martyr, boost fellow
upw With mighty effort he throws
himself into the saddle and rolls off on
the other side of his horse. "Not al
together. One was enough" yells the
pious trooper.
THE Duke de Biron, when condemned
to death during the French Reign Of
Terror in 1898, ordered, on returning to
prison, oysters and chablis. The execu-
toner entered as his Grace was enjoying
the repast Just let me finish my
oysters" said the Duke, "and mean
while take glass of wine with me, my
friend you'll need flip for your
work." and then he filled bumper for
the turnkey and himself, and presently
went off to be guillotined.
ExTRAvAGANCE is the cause of hard
| times" said Nevada capitalist. We
must be more economical. Ten years
ago commenced working in mill in
Gold Hill at small salary, and in less
than a year ] owned the mill and had
some money in bank" "You are right"
responded listener with great earnest
ness. " 1t is possible for man to lay
up 49, 0 or s., 900 month on salary
of So day, but he must be very econo-
mical and have the handling of the
amalgam."
THERE is a very touching story told
of poor woman with two children, who
had not bed for them to lie upon, and