Daily Republican., 1878-10-24
mUmOsOUs.

WIG, bhln ne, tdtIVg pIncu VI suui
and looking wise, Il will tell you wha
expect Of you, my dear. You ar,
aware that have had a good deal o
matrimonial experience. Ho-hum! !
makes me sad to think Of it, and
may truly say that my cup Of miser,
would be running over at this momen
II II were not for you. But to business
was about TO remark that Jane, my
first, could make better coffee than any
other woman in this world. trust yor
will adopt her recipe for the prepara
ton Of that beverage. my first hus
band frequently remarked" began the
widow. "And there was Susan" in
terruptsd Mr.. Thompson. "Susan was
the best msnder that probably eysl
lived. II was her delight to find ID :,
tons of; and AZ for rents in coats and
things, have seen her shed tears ol
Joy when she saw them, she was SC
desirous ofusing her needle for their
repair. Oh, what woman Susan was''
MANY Is the time," began the wido =
"that my first hus---" "With regard tc
Anna, who was my third" said Mr..
Thompson hastily, ~ think her forte
above all others was In the accomplish
ment Of the cake known as slap jack.
have very pleasant visions at this mo-
ment Of my angelic Anna as she ap.
peared In the kitchen Of frosty morn
ing, snvsloped in smoke and the morn
l.. s,,a xkst h.,
window, or bearing TO my plate par
ticularly nice article of slap-jack with
the remark, "That's the incest one yet,
Thomas. Eat II while It's hot"
Sometimes, ! assure you, my dear,
these recollections are quite overpower
ing" He applied his handkerchief to
his eyes, and the widow said, "Ah
yes, know how II is myself, sir. Many
Is the time that see in my lonely
hours my dear first hus--" "The
pride and JOY OF Julia, my fourth, and
may say too Of Clara, my Fifth" in
terrupted Mr.. Thompson, with some
apparently accidental violence Of tone,
clay in the art Of making over their
spring bonnets. If you will believe it.,
my dear, one bonnet lasted those two
blessed women through all the happy
years they lived with me--they would
turn them and make them over as ma
ny times! Dear, dear, what chang
ing worldl" 81 say so to myself a
hundred times day, sir" said the
widow, with sigh.
81 frequently remarked to my first
hus-" Madam" said Mr.. Thomp-
son, suddenly, and with great stern
Eess, "oblige me by never mentioning
that cheap man again. Are you not
aware that he must necessarily be out
of the question for evermore 7 Can you
not see that your continual reference to
him sickens my soul ? Let us have
peace, madam--let US have peace"
'Very well. sir" said the widow meek
ly, 81 beg your pardon, and promise
not to do 1t again" And they were
married and their lives were bright and
happy as they could wish.
A man died recently in New Hamp-
shire, and three clergymen happened
to be present at his funeral--all taking
part. A certain lay preacher, who was
also there, went away and said, "They
had three ministers there, Methodist,
Baptist and a Congregationalist, and
they all didn't make much out Of 1t :"
This reminds us of an old lady, the
widow of clergyman. who said to her
granddaughter, "Child, you don't
know anything about preaching, many
time I've s'en your grandfather come
down ont of the pulpit without dry
thread in his shirt.
Seem 'len," said Brother Gardner of
the Lime Kiln Club, as the members
rose up, death mus come to all. We
can't escape It by jumpin' inter Can
ady, an we can't buy il off wild our
wealth. Some of us will be hung, some
drowned, some burned up in barns,
some git shot by de police, but it will
be death JUS de same. Let us hev our
cabins in order, and let us be 'spectin'
visit from dat white-faced angel who
moves so softly dat men hear not, an
who strikes so swiftly dat men have no
escape
A man in an Eastern city, somewhat
noted for wrestling, sparring, and kim
dred physical facts, having been per.
suaded to enter q ch urch on the Sab
bath, and "sit out' long doctrinal
discourse, was asked after retiring from
the service, what he thought of the
sermon ?" "rhink :" said he "why
if | couldn't preach a better sermon
than that with one hand tied behind
me, you can take my hat !"
He was an artist, and he was "spark-
ing" the daughter of retired sea cap
tain. While he was whispering sweet
nothings in his sweetheart's ear in the
dimlylighted parlor, he was paralyzed
by the voice of the ancient mariner in
the other room-"Cast off that painter"
But she explained that her father was
only dreaming that he was on the sea
again, and the engagement proceeded.
A Scotch farmer had determined, in
spite of the bad times, to pay his rent,
if it were his last shilling, and, saying
to the factor who received it, "It is my
last shilling" he threw down roll of
notes. The factor counted them, and
said; "There is ESQ too much" "Odds,
man" said the farmer" 81 put my
hand in the wrong pouch"
A New Jersey Physician, heavily
loaded with town lots, for which he had
paid only in part, hastily prescribed
box of pills for patient and allowed
his mind to wander back to his real es
tate. The patient asked how the pills
were to be taken. The doctor replied,
"One third down, the balance in six
and twelve months, with interest"
Little Paul, aged eight, passes the
1av Mt hi, uurla,s Az Ja,car+ tbay