The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-10-04
VARIETIES.

Mrs Mackay, the wife of the bonanza
king, has over $3.50, 600 worth of jewelry.
The Duchess of Edinburgh's girl-baby
is Queen Victoria's twenty-sixth grand
child.
William Penn also remarked that it
was just as easy to love rich girl as a
poor one.
1t is the season of fairs, and there is a
young man in town who holds one every
Sunday night.
If Kearney succeeds in making the
Chinese "go," perhaps he will turn his
attention to the Kelley motor.
The education of real estate man is
never completed. Never a time but he
has lots to learn.-Keokuk Constitution.
1.-THE finer the hog the fewer the bris-
tles.'' That is what an agricultural pa
per said. 1t must be consoling to smooth
faced men.
Olive Logan writes from Paris that
the next sensation is to be about ladies'
stockings. Our proposed visit 10 Paris
is postponed.
An observing young gentlemen of al
most three years said, during a pause in
the conversation: Mrs. Jones, let your
teeth down again.
Friend: "But why, dear, did you throw
over Percy for Harold ?' i'WeIl, you see,
H blends with my initials, and makes a
much nicer monogram"
A young lady being asked by rich
bachelor, "If not yourself, who would
you rather ber' replied sweetly and
modestly, "Yours truly"
First lady-"Why do they call those
balls foul 81 Second lady-"Don't know,
unless because the pesky things are con-
tinually flying over the fence"
The Austrians in their fighting with
the insurgents in their new provinces,
have dug up some names that would
have paralyzed the army before Pleyna.
Dr. Davis of johnson county, Iowa,
recently shot neighbor three times
without killing him. What nonsense.
He should have given the man a pre-
scription.
Careful housewife Qifting a shoe from
the soup tureen) "Lal who'd a-thought
baby's shoe would turn up in the soup !?
But knew it wasn't lost. l never lose
anythingl"
Miss Annie Rosecrans, the youngest
Daughter of General ROsecrans, receiv-
ed the white veil on September 9th, in
the convent Of the Urselines, Brown
county, Ohio.
Uncertainty is worse than assured ca
| lamity. Hence we always feel bad when
three-cornered stone in it.-Cincinnati
Breakfast Table.
A New York woman saws: "Were it
not for the selfsacriicing women of the
land who marry and support so many
men, the number of tramps would be
largely increased"
A restaurant patron was talking some
what roughly to waiter, when the pro-
prietor, stepping up, remarked: Don't
talk to him that way. He used to be
governor of Florida
A letter recently produced in breach
of promise case as evidence, contained
the following sentence: dearest Love
l swallowed the postage stamp on your
letter, because knew your lips had
touched it."
The Baltimore Gazette says, editorial
ly, of Mrs. Hayes: "As an elegant, refin-
ed, matronly woman, she is far superior
to Mr.. Hayes" Whereupon the Cleve-
land Leader remarks: "Of course she is.
AS woman Mr.. Hayes is not to be
compared to his wife,
A staff commander was inspecting an
English yeomanrY regiment on outpost
duty. "What are you doing there, my
man." he asked a vedette. "Mackin'
DANCED fule of myself sir" "How so?"
"Why, l should be at hoam carryin'
hay" His heart was not in the parade.
A member of fashionable up town
congregation in New York City, called
at a music store and inquired: ."Have
you the notes of piece called the Song
of Solomon" adding: "Our pastor re-
ferred to it yesterday morning as an ex-
quisite gem, and my wife would like to
learn to play it."
An honest ignoramus, who had escap-
ed great peril by an act of heroism,
was much complimented for his bravery
One lady said: 81 wish could have
seen your feat" Whereupon he blush
ed and stammered, and finally, pointing
to the pedal extremities, said, well,
there they be, num-"
The author of Beautiful Snow" is re-
requested to come TO this Office and re-
peat the third stanZa to the news editor.
We cannot find copy of the poem any
where, and we are getting ready to pub
lish 1t in response to the request of an
"old subscriber" when the first snow
Hawkeye.
Matilda, Queen of the Gypsies, over
whose burial there was such TODD, at
VII OhAO, uttu CAdT-
acter as well as appearance a touch of
Meg Merrillies. She came to this coun-
try in 1856, settling with her husband,
King Levi Stanley, at Dayton. Her
mother, Queen-mother Stanley Smith,
still lives-a Gypsy centenarian.
Diogenes, had he lived to-day, need
have gone no farther than the town
| of Watertown. This advertisement ap-
pears in the Dispatch: umbrella found
The owner of a good umbrella can find
the same by calling on p. p. Chase and
paying for this notice" We feel that
this world will not now be consumed by
fire.-New York Commercial Advertiser
When a newspaper man receives a
delicate missive in a lavender envelope,
he knows it's poetry; when it's a WALLER
envelope, with evidence of bad writing
and poor spelling, he thinks it's money
letter, and he's generally right. The
odds are in favor of the communication
in the yellow Enclosure not being re-
jected.-Keokuk Constitution.
The rain will continue to fall upon the
just and unjust, the heavenly planets will
revolve in space, virtue viii maintain
the proud distinction of being its own
reward, but the exact reason why street
lamps are never lighted on dark and
/ -. y S'SASS "aAA PAOOoOly nCNcT DC
divlged to grouping, growing, grovel-
ing pedestrians.-Rome Sentinel.
A young lady living in Somersetshire,
Eng, read a matrimonial advertisement
in London paper, and after six months
correspondence married the advertiser,
who represented himself to be at the
head of prominent firm of silversmiths
and invited ali her relatives and friends
te visit him at his palatial residence.
He got the wedding presents, his wife's
luggage and e100 given her by her faith
er, for pocket money, took her TO q
wretchedly furnished room, and said if
she didn't like to share his home she
could go about her business. She arose
and went unto her father, and he levant-
ed with his plumber.