The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-09-09

1utCe AIG NGly ASN RSapSA.'J 49,
their gifts or talents in other directions,
who do not, at times, at least, exhibit 8
singular lack of ability to carry on an
ordinary conversation. It Is one among
the many common every day affairs Of
Life that are supposed to manage them.
selves, and so are scarcely ever provided
for in any educational system. Neither
does it largely enter into the teachings OF
domestic life. Beyond d certain degree
Of civility and courtesy, varying with the
habits and tastes Of the parents, but lit.
tic OF the delicate art OF conyersing well
and agreeably is taught. Yet there are
few things which demand such quick per-
ceptions, ready tact and good judgment,
few which call into exercise so many DIFF
ferent faculties, and few which would
more fully reward u wise and careful cul-
ture.
II is true that to converse well is q
gift as well as an art; that some persons
seem to glide almost .insensibly into pleas
ant, intelligent and interesting converse
ton, while Others after every effort re-
main awkward and heavy, or frivolous
and vapid. Yet the same Is true OF al
most every faculty. Neither remarkable
talents or remarkable deficiency In any
direction can form valid reason for de-
nying that education which can alone
guide the one and supply the other. Its
a common notion that oil discipline in
this matter will tend to make cOnyersa-
ton stiff, artificial and constrained, and
that in order to be agreeable It must fol-
low its own bent, ,untrammeletl by, efforts
or rules. This is partly true and partly
mistaken. 1t needs not direct, but an
indirect guidance; not aneattempt to
teach what to say and when to say-it, but
rather an infusion OF such principles and
sentiments Us shall naturally blossom forth
in pleasurahIe aud genial conversation,
without interfering at oil with ltsperfeCt
freedom and simplicity.
Perhaps tho most important Of these
principles is that OF adaptation, that Is,
OF suiting our conversation to the tastes,
capacities and habits OF mind OF those
with whom we talk. The neglect OF this
makes large portion of our intercourse
dry anil lnsEpid, and causes much that u
said, though worth Saying and hearing, TO
fall pOwerless. What Is thrilling and
TO ono person Is dull and
stupid to another, and positively Disagree
able to o third. Yetthere is so much more
Of eeotiSm than Of sympathy in most oil us
that we quite overlook this, and eagerly
introduce tho subject nearest In our
thoughts, or the one on which we zeal
ut home, irrespective .of. the
effect We are producing on the minds OF
our auditors. Thus, however valuable, in |
structiyc, brilliant, witty or pointed may |
be our remarks, We fail to arrive at the
true conversation, which always involves
tbe free and cordial interchange Of
thought or feeling, and tRplihs q mutual
interest in the topic discussed. 1t Is for
this reason that men OF one idea, or abb
sorbed in one subject, are seldom good
panvprspfs, They mar be good takers,
and some may iika to iistan, hut they are
not broad enough or sympathetic enough |
10 step out Of their own line OF thought,
and maintain q general conversation,
To do this successfully, however, de-
mands more than the simple determine
ton. We must take real, notan affect
ID interest in others; We must not only
lend o4r ear but stye sgr heart to what
concerns them. Efforts "a. Gondeseend are
always failures, 80 Gre abrupt questions
about the peculiar business or cltcam-
stances Of our companion, orpalpable at
tennis to draw him out on his speciality,
whatever It may be- Great otfense is
sometimes given in this way by well.
people, who affect d sympathy
they do not feel, or by those who see in
every new acquaintance o fresh chance 10
CLEAN information or to Stake curiosity. |
Real sympathy furnishes aquickness OF
and readiness OF tact which
will avoid these breakers, upon which SO
many make shipWreeh Of their CONVERSE
ton. To discover and appreciate the best
parts of those with whom We are brought
In contact, and with delicacy and respect
to lead gradually to their unfolding, to
avoid alike that egotism which thrusts
itself, unwished for, on the notice ototh-
ers, and that inQuisitiyeness which seeks
to pry Into their affairs and break down
their natural reserve, demands iin0pesS
Of character and generosity OF heart
which are more readily appreciate in
good conversation than any amount OF
brilljance or learning.
Talking, howevcr,is but one part OF con-
veraltion. Listening forms another and
no less important part. Itisnot so easy as
It may seem to be good listener. 1t de
nanis sympathy TO entorl Into what Is said;
to consider It, judgement to
weigh Il, patience to make ALLOWANCE for
its deficiencies, intelligence TO appreciate
It's true value. A sad lack of the art OF
listening is often shown by the replies
which are made; sometimes irrelevant,
unapprpciatiye, seldom thor
oughly sympathetic and to the point. The
good cOnVerOr puts as much h6art and en-.
ergy into listening MS into talking, and
ieels Us responsible for the oneas for the
other. Yet In all this We must never for
get that unly what il natural in converse:
lion can be truly agreeable, 40 fixed
rules, no cut and dried questions orrepliess,
no direct and apparent effort can succeed.
The culture that is needed Il back OF all
this; II lies deeper than the surface; II
rather consists in training the mind to del
icate perceptions and close attention,
Tho judgement TO clearness andiac-
lteness, Sthp heart 10 ready sympa-
Inv. With those We can hardly 'tall To be-
come ut least pleasant and genial incur
whatever other elements arc
lacking; while without thpIn no amount OF
learning or varied information
can succeed In drawing others 10 our side
in pleasuable, cordial and satisfactory
converse. Philddelphiy Ledger