Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1878-03-22
Bookkeeping and Bookkeeping.

perhaps more, of the orators who, in
the last and previous campaigns, fired
the Northern heart on the subject of re-
form, to close up a most narrowing re-
cital of the corruptions of the Repub-
lican party with the blood-curdling war
whoop: "Show us the Books Show
us the Books! We Demand the Right
to Overhaul the Bookkeeping of this
Country" The particular orator whom
we have in mind was not what is called
an "expert" in bookkeeping; we do
not understand that he ever actually
kept books-except those that he bor-
rOwed-but he had somehow got it into
his head that the Republican party, as
party, had been over-issuing bonds
and forcing balances, and appropriate
ing the cash, and so on; and it occurred
to him that the American people ought
to take steps Immediately to overhaul
the books. To do this, of course, it was
necessary to take the books and the Of
fees, and the Government, and the
whole concern out of the hands of the
Republicans and turn them over to the
Democrats, who were providentially
standing handy by without anything in
particular to do, and with plenty of
time, and no lack of inclination to put
their names right on the pay-rolls and
shoulder everything they audited and in
vestigated. And this, as we understand
it, was the chief reason why change
in the administration of the Govern
ment was demanded; just to overhaul
the bookkeeping. And the only reason
why the proposition to turn everything
over to the Democrats meantime was
urged was-nOt because they wanted
the offices-perish the thought-but be-
cause they stood there so handy and
seemed on the whole so willing. And
the American people, listening to the
catalogue of crimes for which the i'm
passioned orator arraigned the party in
power, was rather disposed to yield to
the appeal in the peroration and say to
these Democrats: Take the Govern
ment and have at the book-keepingn'
1t thrills one to think what would
have been the response to such an in
vitation. Think of the statesmen who
would have uncoiled themselves from
reeking stoves in crossroads groceries,
or leaped the bars in Mackerelville as
once they "leaped the bounty" or
dropped lone little pair of a greasy
pack, or hustled home from exile to
join that fine array of experts, going
for the Government books with quilts
over their ears. And not alone with
quills: with cork-screws and "jimmies"
and ice-picks and can-openers and coal
scoops and wheel-barrows and oyster
knives and bell-punches and derricks
and drag-nets and lemon-squeezers-
everything, in short, that could be
utilized in such an investigation to har-
row the books or make life burden to
the book-keepers. Not unlikely such a
vision of what might happen if the
Democratic party should be let loose on
the bookkeeping came up before the
country and gave it pause. AT any
rate, the people, already on the point
ofcompliance with the orators demand,
hesitated moment and then said to
the Democratic experts: "Let us pro-
ceed softly and by degrees in this mat
ter. Doubtless the books should be
overhauled, and doubtless you could
do it. No one has ever observed a Dem
ocratic procession without remarking
that it was composed mostly of book
keepers. But it won't do to be abrupt
Suppose, instead of jumping right into
keeping the books, the party should
sort of taper along into positions ol
power and influence, beginning, say
with keeping door" The country die
evince a willingness to let the Demo
cratic party try its hand at keeping door
The announcement was made that i
could have a period of probation at door
keeping at one end of the National Cap
itol Merciful heavens! how they
swooped down on WashingtOn-corn
crackers, suckers, boosters, sand-eaters
all sorts and sizes and ages and com
pleXions and degrees of bourbonism
J the loudest and frowsiest and hungries
and dryest set of statesmen that eve
rose up to the inquiry: "Whatll yol
, have to takeph They came from TeXa
, and Tennessee and Kentucky and Vir
ginia and every other Southern State
as many as could raise money to pa,
railroad fares, and they all said will
one accord that they had been unde
: the heel of the oppressor-and for tn
t most part they looked it-and they al
, wanted to keep doors. And some q
, them, like the man who said he didn'
care who made the laws of nation
/ he could only make its ballads, LITE
, up their hands and vowed that the
, didn't care Il brass farthing who mad
, the laws in Congress if they could onl
keep the door. Others said with tn
r Psalmist, that they would rather b
doorkeepers at stated pay than dwell i
, the tents of wickedness and find them
/ selves. And they each said; "lf go
/ want 10 see II door just kept right up a
7 q door ought to be kept, give me
whack at it.
} There should have been u competi
tive examination on some experiments
, door or gate or drawbridge. Their