The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-03-23
NUMBER %.
PASSING SMILES.


IT seems a little curious at first glance
that the growth of the Murphy move
ment should decrease the number of
potaters.
IRRITABLE schoolmaster. - Now,
then, stupid, what's the next word?
What comes after cheeseT Dull boy
" A mouse, sir"
AT Cannes sign for the benefit of
English tourists, Repairs hung with
stage COACH" was discovered to mean
Repairs executed with diligence"
"THERE are people who live behind
the hill" is an old German proverb,
which means that there are other folks
in the world besides yourself, although
you may not see them.
FRIENDSHIP is more firmly secured by
lenity toward failings, than by attach
ment to excellence. One is valued as
kindness that cannot be explained, the
other exacted as payment Of debt to
merit.
A LADY on the Westside was joked
the other day about her nose, which has
an inclination to turn up. "Ah, do not
say anything about my nose. | had
nothing to do in shaping it. 1t WAS a
birthday present"
FROM the fact that geology has proved
the existence and located the position
of ancient lakes that are now absolutely
dry, it would seem that there has actti-
ally been time in the remote past
when water was generally used as bev-
erage.-- Breakfast Table.
He appeared to be almost gone. Roll
ing his eyes toward the partner of his
bosom, he gasped, Bury me meath the
weeping willow, and plant simple white
rose above my head" ooh, it's no use,"
she snapped out. Your nose would
scorch the rootsp He got well. sE
COMING back from trip to Havre, .
Partisan bewailed his misfortune to his
railway companions "One thing is
certain you won't catch me in any
more of these excursions. l lost my
wife and my cane" And then he added,
between sobs: ga new cane, toor
The uncalculating enthusiasm which
often accompanies temperance revivals
was peculiarly illustrated in Arkansas
where a club of young men pledged
themselves to abstain from the use Of
alcoholic liquors, and then celebrated
the occasion by getting drunk on beer.
APPEAL TO THE SWEET SINGER OF MICH
Sweet singer OF the rapids
That tumbeth on the Grandi
Thy harp hath touched nation,
Thy notes hath swept the land.
o Michiganl
We wish again
To hear the nightingale
Ter rash ter IRISH,
Ke whash, ka whish,
Ker roar omore owatei
Thou soother Of the widows
OF Brgham's blighted homei
o, send us from Grand Rapids
just one more sigbsome pome.
Ter rash, ter IRISH,
Ke whash, Ike whish,
Ker roar omore owalel
Mchigan AH
We wish again
To hear thy nightingale.
ais he good horse to co." "Thee
would be pleased to see him CO." said the
conscientious Quaker A bargain was
struck and balky horse changed owners.
His purchaser, in high dudgeon, went
back upon the Quaker. He defined his
position: Ihave not lied to thee friend.
| told thee, thee would be pleased to see
him go. Now wouldn't thee be pleased to
see him goT'
SIRANDIN is wag as well as con-
fectioner in Paris, and is as bald as
stone. The other day he met friend
whom he had not seen for twenty years.
"And has everything gone well with
your he asked. Yes" answered the
friend, "only have lost all my hair"
"Well," said Sirandin, taking off his
hat, and showing his own shining poll,
you surely won't accuse me OF having
found it."
A SENSATION was created in New
port colored church recently by the min
ister's public reproof of mischievous
sister, who put peanut shells instead of
money in the contribution box. His re-
marks were seconded by an aged woman,
who called the reprobate vain, cOnceited
hussy, and advised her to wash the paint
from her face. Then the young woman
Indignantly replied and hustled out of
the church.
A PoTTsTowN lad wanted to see how
it would work, so the other morning he
touched his tongue to cold iron railing
surrounding neighboring churchyard.
In an instant his tongue was frozen fast,
and the lad was securely fastened. He
screamed, and after awhile assistance ar
rived. He was relieved from his un-
pleasant position by the application of
cold water. He declares that it didn't
work worth cent.
A SMALL, ragged boy entered an oys-
ter house in Salem, Mass, the other day,
and stepping up to the proprietor, asked:
"Will you sell me an oyster for cent!
want it for my sick mother" What
is the matter with your mother !? asked
the man, as he proceeded to fill can
with the bivalves, thinking he would help
relieve a case of suffering. She's got
black eye," was the reply. The be-
nevolence rapidly faded from the mind
Of the oyster man as he put one oyster
in paper bag.
THERE is no use in deluding ourselves
into the idea that the last century was
better than this. The American system
of mixed drinks was then in its infancy;
the language was poor and inexpensive.
They had no such facilities for singing
slang as we enjoy now. The popular
idea of dress was unfairly hard on man
with thin legs. Lager-beer was unknown:
If any man wants to satisfy himself
about the advantages of the Revolution
ary era, he can do it easily. Let him
for one week confine himself to apple.
brandy, wear knee-breeches, and model
bic conversation ON the fluent style OF