The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-09-26
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

natl, S; St. Louis, Mo-, 10; Cairo, ILL.,, 8; Chi.
cago, l.
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
The Chinese call the Irish "Melee-
can man allie samee."
The boy with the big watch said time
hung heavy on his hands.
The most notorious girl of the pc
Rod is now known as En- Bezzle.
THE man who is continually shout
ing about his right to do thing is like
ly to get left.
AN English scientist, it is said, has
discovered that lying produces huski-
ness of the throat.
"PUT your foot right into the syrup,
Melissa" said Augustus Henry, as he
boosted her into the saddle.
RAsPER, being told he looked seedy
and asked what business he was in, re-
piled, "The hardwear business; look at
my wardrobe
"THE new fall bonnet is said to be
made of material that poisons the COM
plexion," says the stingy man of the
Buffalo Express.
The older the seeds the more per-
feet the lady-slippers will be. And the
older the banana peel the less graceful
and the more perfect will be the gen.
tleman slippers.
"YEs," said an Irish gentleman at
Long Branch, "that lady is very disa-
greeable at table. If lived in the same
house with her she would be the only
one in it, l can tell you.''
An old lady, remarkable for her con-
fused ideas OF the meaning of words,
describes clear summer evening thus:
g 1t was beautiful bright night, and
the moon made everything as light as
a cork"
AN infant who will insist on bowling
and kicking after being rendered the
last toothbrush and the only egg-beater
in the house, sadly needs that regular
motion of the elbow which Solomon in
vented and patented.
"DOEs your sister Annie ever say
anything about me?" asked an anxious
lover. Yes" replied the little girl,
s. she said if you had rockers on your
shoes, they'd make nice cradles. -
appleton for September.
''ARE grapes healthy?' asks an ex-
change. AS fruit, opinions differ.
GeorgeW Washington. Christopher Column
bus, Noah, Napoleon the First, and
Mary, Queen of Scots, ate grapes, and
they are all dead now. Draw your own
Observation-Disclosures Herald.
A MINISTER was addressing chill.
dren's meeting. Wishing to make use
of the telephone as an illustration of
prayer, he said: Children, can any
of you describe a telephone?'' Imme-
diately one little hand went up, and a
bright little fellow called out. in loud
voice: "Yes, sir. Two cans and a
string!'
THE London Daily Telegraph has pro-
duced the champion bull Of the season.
Writing of the German social Demo-
Gratis, it says that they "neither fear
eternal punishment nor reward. :"
Which reminds the Whitehall Revicp of
a story of Bishop Wilson, of Calcutta,
who was travelling to his Diocese, when
a breeze sprang up, then a squall, and
at last matters got so bad that the Skip
per came below with grave counten-
ance. "My Lord" said he, Gin very
few minutes you will be in Heaven"
"Dear, dear?' calculated the Bishop,
chow very, gerry horrlble!'
No PERSON ever lived who at all
times had everything he desired; but it
is generally said that the nearer a per-
son is supplied with all he desires the
happier he is. Perfect happiness, &C
cording to this standard, would there
fore be when person has everything
his heart desires. And to attain to this
perfection it Would, of course, be the
same whether he would contract his
wants within the supply or expand the
supply to cover all the wants. But,
unfortunately, the wants of man gen.
orally increase with the supply, always
keeping far in advance of it. Hence
happiness is, like "Will o. the wisp,"
always ahead Of us.-N II Herald.
Or course, others beside ourselves
have noticed that fruit and hailstones
grow much larger in the West than
they do in the North. Especially hail
stones. Probably it is because they
grow more healthy and robust liars in
the West. When an old farmer enters
q printing Office to give the particulars
of destructive storm, and gets the
hail-stones any smaller than hulled
walnuts, the "press gang'' kill him on
the spot and throw his body down an
old well. If he says the stones were as
large as goose eggs they put him on
the free list for life and drag him across
to saloon and 6 set 'em up" P. S.
A farmer was never killed in the West
for not getting the hail-stones large
enough to please the fancy of the edi-
tors in that section NorristosUn pa. }
Herald.
THE Austin New Reveillc gives an
incident of the recent cloud-burst at
that place. A man was carried down
by the flood, but managed TO get up a
swiftly dissolving bank of earth. He
called to his son, who was on high
ground above, to bring a rope, and the
boy hurriedly obeyed the request, and,
when he arrived at the edge of the
bank and threw the rope over to his
father, the old man took it in his hand,
and, in as cool a tone as if he was or
dering q cocktail said to the boy:
"Now, listen to me, and do as tell
You. Hyou find you can't hold on
when commence to climb let 20.
There's no use in both of us being
drowned; I'm here in the water and you
are safe up there on the bank. SO don't
let me pull you down. If you lind you
can't hold the rope, drop it, and run
down in the fiat and grab for me as float
BY" The boy braced up firmly on the
ground and told his father to come
on, and the old fellow went up the rope
like cat going ur Il backyard fence
with . b0otiack in pursuit.
-"Do lets ave a little hair" said a
fat English matron riding in a street
bus; ''hits too 'ot to ride and too 'ot to
walk; 1 ham h'intirely h'upset."
The worst thing about mosquito
is its long sOlilOquy as to where and
when it had better settle down and bite.
z-NeeO Haven Register.