Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-12-13

New glass pud in; new glass pud in
Whence comes that doleiul sound
o. It's that man of many panc-,
The glazier on his round.
Why doth the glazicr sigh >ofi,
And snivel so: Alas.
lie made Il bad investment when
He putties all in glass.
And now he feeds on .'gla>, pud IN
But hunger has no frights
To one who strangely has become
liver of his lights.
-CincinRuH star.
''Beggars can't he choosers' says an old
adage. We take notice that begGar got into
the hall the other day, and chose from the
track forthwith three hats, one umbrella,
and our sealskin overcoat This knocks the
sawdust out OF that adage.
A clever little passage at the expense OF II
member of the Belgian legation is current i'll
Washington. A young attache recently
reached here fresh from London, his last
station, and greatly vexed over what he was
pleased to call his exile. AT all events" he
WAS in the habit of saying, and the remark
came to be widely quoted, 81 shall speak
no English in Washington | learned it in
London, and don't intend to spoil my ac-
cent. Time passed. The attache was at n
reception. Some friend of his asked bright
young American woman TO permit him to
present the attache to her. "Oh, dear, no. ="
was the reply, and it has travelled over
Washington, Il couldn't think OF such a
thing. learned my French in Paris, and it
would ruin my accent to talk with Bel
gian.
One of those neat and comfortable steam
ships which the Yankees construct descends
the Mississippi with vertiguous rapidity.
When lol a cry makes itself to be heard :
"a man in the waters - STOPS - cries him.
self the captain. Then, turning himself to-
wards the purser, he demands, Has he
paid his fare - ''He has paid, replies the
purser "Alls rights - howled Niuld) the
captain, and the steamboat retakes its course,
leaving the unhappy passenger behind. lfhe
had not paid in advance. he might have been
saved French Witticism.
Brethren. before we sing the next verse of
John Browns body lies all mouldy in the
grave, let us take look into the grave and
see that it is there. In these days of Ohio
medical colleges a cemetery isn't no safer
than savings bank, and it may be that poll
teal glee clubs, who have been singing the
song quoted above, have been chanting
rhythmic lie for the past fifteen years. Bur
lington Hawkeye.
girl in st. Joseph, Mo, went to drug
store to buy some arsenic with which to kill
herse {. The clerk happened to know that
she had quarreled with her lover. and guess
ed her purpose. He gave ner corn starch IN
stead OF arsenic, and hurried out to tell her
lover. The lover repented having grieved
the girl, went to her house, found her lying
on sofa waiting i'll vain TO die of dose of
corn starch, and made up with her.
BY rHE RIVER.
Ny cherished songs. we're like a river
On-iiowing 10 Obliyion's sea;
No merry youth shall sing YOU ever,
No maiden hlushing ro>ly.
We sang alone my love, devotion;
She laughs my love 10 >cOrn to-day,
wrote You on the wayelet'- motion,
Then with the wHVelct'> glide AWAY.
From GOethe.
A candidate for auditor OF public accounts
WAS called upo:. for a speech. On rising. he
commenced "Gentlemen. you have called
upon me for II few remarks. | have none to
make have no prepared speech. Indeed.
| am no speaker. do not desire to be
speaker l only want to be an auditor.
"Eugenia, Eugenis, will you still insist on
wearing the haIr oi another woman upon
your head "Alphonse. Alphonse, do you
still insist upon wearing the skin of another
cali upon your feet =
the altar. 1--WE have separated and been re-
married four times. and about once more will
convince me that we can never live happily
together"
A Cincinnati lady is the mother of bright
little boy about three years old. The whDop-
ing cough recently prevailed in their neigh
boThood, and the mother became very much
alarmed lest her boy should take 1t She had
talked about IT and worried so much over il
that she had infected her child so much with
her fears that he would scarcely leave her
side. One night, after the little fellow had
been put to bed, II donkey was driven past
the house, and when Just opposite set up his
loud hee-haw. With IL shrek the boy was
ont of bed. screaming at the top Of his voice,
The whooping cough is coming, mamma
the whooplng cough is coming = He didn't
catch II that time however.
Professor Nh. f., will YOU, in your own
words, give me n de tlinition OF pendulum
Mr.. F. A pendulum is Is thing that
makes "A clock go. (iapturons applause from
the back seats