The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-10-10
WHOLE NO. 1888.
Miscellaneous.

with the tomato.
The honest sausage maker never fails
to make both ends meat.
The man went up in a whirlwind out
West came down with the dust"
Good partners at cards--a chimney
sweep and a bugler. One can follow SCOT
and the other can trumpet.
The Norristown Herald insists that no
man likes to hold girl baby in his arms
until she is seventeen years old.
A clergyman says: "a young woman
died yesterday, while l was preaching in
a beastly state of intoxication."
Miranda" From the best authority
we should say that basket picnics were
instituted by Moses.
At the box Office of one of our theaters
the other morning a young lady called
for preserved seats for two.
How to make newspaper reader stand
on his or her head: uMop ep!sdn sqdBI5
eIBd InoG 4u!Id
Mr.. James Ram has written treatise
on the philosophy of War" Ram will
A Nebraska paper on etiquette: No
true gentleman will ask lady if her
coral jewelry is made of sealing wax.
Said he, Matilda, you are my dearest
duck" Said she, Augustus, you are
trying to stuff me" She was too sage for
! him.
The girls say, ooh, it's Mr. What'shis.
name, living at | forget the number
What do-you-callit street" WE'LL it's all
the same; we don't know him.
Beautiful, beautiful silken hair, how
wonder what you are; whether you be-
| long to the head you adorn, or whether
from another girls head you were shorn.
"Yes, that's the way it goes AS soon
as -four comes down meat goes up-ice
comes down and coal goes up. They can
take this old country and 60 to blazes
with it.
What is so rare as an honest manY'
asks the Christian Intelligencer. Alas
yes; there are but few of US left now, and
sometimes a feeling of loneliness-but let
it pass.
Never give up the old friends for the
|
We never will. Never. At least not till
the bottoms of their pocket-books are
plainly visible.
An exchange enters into lengthy dis.
ertation upon How to put out kero-
sene lamp" If the handle is very oily,
the better way is to call in the hired girl
and let her carry it out
Nothing will tickle mule half as much
as straw-but you'd better not be fool
| ing around the other end of the straw,
unless you want to be an angel and wear
nothing but wings.
ooh, know she loves him." cried the
grief-stricken youth. But how do you
| know she prefers your rival?' asked a
friend. All" was the sad reply, 81 saw
her look bias at him"
Teacher-Now what is the meaning of
the word chasm? Pupil-It is an open
ing Teacher-Favor me with an exam
pie. Pupil-The milliners have a chasm
at the beginning of the season.
When a dentist says at won't hurt you
much, the agonized patient thinks in his
own mind that the man with the grab up
his sleeve is the biggest liar in North
America, and gets eady to howl like a
steam calliope.
A Buffalo physician recommends cham
pagne as preventive of yellow fever, and
the Buffalonians who used TO sneak in
the back door of saloons now boldly walk
in the front entrance. Thus far not a
single case of yellow fever has occurred
in Buffalo.
A Camden doctor who has also drug
store says, ut is no wonder | am poor
man. l gave dose of medicine to girl
this morning and it cured her. l gave
her the wrong stuff-she ought to be sick
for week, anyhow"
Feathers will be universally worn this
winter Fashion Item. Guess not We
shall not wear feathers-not a solitary
feather. If our friends choose to make
themselves ridiculous they can do SO, but
no feathers for US.
A penurious character invited a friend
to dinner, and provided two mutton
chops. On removing the cover he said,
My friend, you see your dinner" which
his friend Immediately with his fork and
knife) took to himself, remarking, Il do;
but do not see yours"
An Ohio young lady, Miss Matte Gray
] Dy name, SulClu6 Id6Sly De-
cause her father would not consent to her
marriage with his hired man. Now an
Indiana girl would simply have left
note saying, Deer father we hev flew;
forgiv your Tilda."
doctor, you must really prescribe
something for me" MY dear lady, you
need medfcine-only little rest, and
then you'll be as well as ever" But,
doctor, surely l ought to be given some
medicine of some sort or other. You've
only felt my pulse examine my tongue
He does SOY Precisely, madam your
tongue needs rest toe"
A California paper says: Among the
peculiar characteristics Of courting in
Texas is that the young fellow is oc-
casionally asked to step outside the house
and hold an apple or potato for the girl )
brother to shoot at, and it is considered
highly unsociable not to comply. 1t is
equally noteworthy that the well-to do
young suitors never get hit.
certain earnest clergyman one Sun
day morning, was exhorting those who
had anxious and troubled consciences to
be sure and call on their pastor for
guidance and prayer. Said he ITO
show you, my brethren, the blessed re-
suits of these visits with your pastor. |
will state to you that only yesterday a
gentleman of wealth called upon me tor
counsel and instruction; and now, to day,
my friends-to day-he sits among us
happy husband and father and "a Christ
ian" A young lady in the audience
whispered to a matrOn: Wasn't that
pretty quick work p
Tap,nariDC with tho I,oora - aI,vavS q