The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-08-01
Mr.. Btllikins Takes Mean Advantage.

The other night Billikins had an in
curable attack of the popular mania,
and going into barber-shop had the
long as it could find anything to catch
hold of. He crawled out of the chair
with the look of an escaped convict, and
felt so ashamed of his appearance as he
surveyed his cropped pate in the glass
that he couldn't muster up courage to
60 home and receive the blessing he
seemed confident his wife would have
ready for him, and SO he wandered
around among the pool-rooms posting up
in baseball news, and storing away
lager until quite late. He walked up
the steps softly, SO as not to disturb his
wife, who had been snoring two or three
hours, he thought, and began fumbling
through his pockets for his night-key.
He searched every pocket, and then
turned down his socks and felt around
in his shoes, but the key couldn't be
foundl
ga nice go, this isl he muttered to
himself, as he took off his hat and felt
around on the inside of the lining.
Dad sink the luck, anyhow. I've lost
that key, sure, and Martha Ann will
have to be wakened up, and then look
out for musicl She's warbler when
she's raised up out of sound nap, and
the way she'll keep the melody going
till daylight won't be slow. But there's
no help for tive got to rouse her
wouldn't do to bunk out here on the
stoop, or I'd get it all with compound
interest in the morning. No use trying
to stave off what is bound TO come-so
here goes-the matinee will now COM
mence." And he gave timid knock
and held his breath, as he awaited de-
velopments.
"Who's thereP' came from the inside
in voice that made his ears tremble.
cts me, my dear. I've lost my key.
Open the door, please" said Billikins,
with a quavering voice and chattering
teeth.
ooh, it's you, is it? Well, Pll you
you'll Walk right in, and give an &C
count of yourself, and tell ME what you
mean by loafng around till this time of
night? Oh, you monsterl Just wait
till I get my hands on you'll" and the
twin of his soul threw open the door
and gave him pull into the house.
ooh, you wretch! Don't stop to patch
up mess of ies-you needn't tell me
anything about it. You've been drink
ing again-I know it-you needn't say
a word-can't smell it? Oh, you beastl
You smell like. grog-shop. What do
you mean, Josiah9 Where is this to
end? Are you bound and determined
to keep on till you fetch up in the gut
ter and kill me with trouble and shame
Do you hear me, Josiah? I say you're
a wild, profigate, shameless, horrid
wretch, and for two cents I'd tear every
hair out of your head Oh, you
you"
And the frenzied woman set her teeth,
stamped her foot and made spring for
his hair-the flowing ringlets that had
so often given her tempest-tossed fingers
a haven of rest in moments of storm.
For the merest fraction of a feeting in
slant the snowy fingers clawed his pol
ished scalp, and then came shrek that
tore the mosquito bar
"Thievesl Murderl Robbers! Helpi
Help! Save me! Save mep And
down she tumbled all in heap, in the
middle of the floor, leaving Billikins
more scared than before.
"Thump me, if 1 don't believe the
woman has gone dead square crazy"
said Billikins, as he groped about in the
dark for a match to strike a light.
p" What could a. come over her all so
sudden, wOnderW
After a little difficulty and thorough
ducking the woman was restored to con-
sciousness, but as she opened her eyes
poll glistening in the gas-light Just
above her face, she shuddered with
fright, clasped her hands over her face,
and moaned-
" Put him out, Josiah; put him outp
" Who, my darling? Look up-your
mind wanders. Wake up and look
around-you'll be all right presently"
"No-no! Drive out the horrid,
ugly, bald-headed man. I can't bear
the sight of him-he looks so much like
an ape. Put him out, please, Josy, do?
He must have slipped in behind you in
the dark"
Mr.. Billikins hah-hahed till he felt
sore in the ribs, and pulled down his
wife's hands.
"It's only me, Martha Ann. Ha-
ha-ha! Just take a good look at me.
I've been getting my hair cut-don't
you see? Don't it look cool and nice p
Mrs. Billikins jumped up and gave
him a look that would have been
death to house plants.
"Oh, you old fool!' she said. "Well,
now, you are a beauty, amt you?
Nice and cool! Fudge! Don't tell me,
Josiah Billikins! You didn't get it
shaved for that at all. I know you.
You wanted to spite me-that's Just
what you did! But Ill get even with
you some way. Just wait till that hair
gets grown out again, and see if don't t
make up for lost time! Oh, Josiah
How could you? Boo-hoo-hoo"
And as poor Billikins tried in vain to
soothe the sobbing woman, he actually
did feel as though he had taken mean
advantage.