Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1878-08-14
HumOrsOme Waits.

Ar Springfield Mrs. Partington sadly re-
marked that she had had the toothache for
three successful nights"
AN impudent adventurer marrying an
heiress, it was remarked that his brass was
at last outshone by her tin.
AN old negro cook says Sass is power
full good in every ting but children. Dey
need some oder kind of dressin'."
A SIGN posted up in a Wisconsin mill
reads !" The saws are running-no use to
touch them to convince yourselves"
ALADY chemistry student, hearing sailor
spoken of as an "old salt" afterward alluded
to him as ga venerable sodium chloride
JUVENILE French wit-Young mother,
"What do children say when they get
candy ?" Infant recipient of confections,
"More."
WOMAN may not be able to sharpen
pencil or throw stones at hen, but she can
pack more articles into trunk than man
can in a one-horse wagon.
"DIDN'r your aunt die rather suddenly ?"
was asked of visitor from Maine the other
day. "Why, yes" was the drawled out
answer, "she did die suddenly y-rather-for
her."
DOES our constant chatter disturb you'
asked one of three talkative ladies of
sober-lookiug fellow passenger. No, maam;
I've been married nigh on thirty years" he
replied.
AT the Jonesboro, Ala, depot the other
day young man put his head out OF the
car window to kiss his girl good.by, when
the train pulled out so rapidly that he kissed
an old black woman at the next station.
A VICIOUS bull pitched into Canuck in
| Quebec one day last week, and tossed him
around in lively manner. He was not seri-
ously hurt, and remarked dat it would
take more dan one bool to kill Frenchman."
In fifteen years from now, according to
| Wendell Phillips, woman will hold the
spear and shield in her own hands To
MANY men the spear will be no more for
midabe weapon than the present poker or
tongs.
HopE springs eternal in the human breast
| Searching for buried treasure, investing in
lottery schemes and waiting for the distri-
button of foreign estates are delusions that
no amount of disappointing experiences
can cure.
"WuAT fine dark hair you have got Miss
M. My wife, who is much younger
than you, has her hair quite gray" " In
deed" reioned Miss NJ, "if ! had been
your wife my hair no doubt would have
been gray"
CHARLES LAMB once wrote a poem on
/" Thoughtless Cruelty" beginning, "There,
Robert, you have killed that fly" 1t is
very pretty poem, but in the present season
would be poor selection to read to bald
headed man trying to write in room with
an open window.
"JoHN," said Standish, Me-, man to his
son, ",John, what do you say when your
auntie gives you doughnut Z" Looking mp
at the old man, bashfully, and then glancing
at his aunt, John replied, " How d'yr do"
" "That's right john" said the old man,
"never disrecollect your bringing up"
A NEGRO having purchased a hat was
observed TO take it from his head on the fall
of slight shower of rain, and to manifest
considerable alarm to prevent it from getting
wet. On being demonstrated with for his
supposed stupidity in thus having his head
exposed, he observed Hat belong to me ;
head belong to massa-"
Two neighbors had long and envenomed
litigation about small spring which they
both claimed. The judge, wearied out with
the case at last said "What is the use of
making so much fuss about a little water ?"
~ Your honor will see the use of it," replied
one of the lawyers, "when inform you that
the parties are both milkmen."
As colored resident of Detroit was
breasting the storm, with a new umbrella
over his head, he was halted by friend aud
brother who asked, " Is dat your umbrellaY"
" Yes, sah,-cost me two dollars" was the
prompt reply. "Mr. Savage" said the other,
very solemnly, "when man will buy a two
dollar umbrella to keep the wet offn fifty
| cent suit of close, what's de use to talk about
economy"
ONE of the rules of the Mount Holyoke
(Mass.) Seminary, forbidding one lady from
introducing gentleman TO another lady, was
avoided by Northampton girl, who, when
her father came with trunk to her room,
while her friend, Miss Blank, was present,
said, Father, am sorry cannot introduce
you to my friend, Miss Bland, OF Blank, but
the rules forbid il |" "Yss," said the father,
shaking hands with the young lady, land l
| am sorry too"