The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1878-11-15
sIFTINGS.
Evening Burglars.
Boston Gl

necticut.
One Of the best spokes of the Hub
Lo5gfelloe.
How to acquire shorthand Fool around
a buzz Graphic,
What the mi.kmaa never treats you to-
A nice cream.
Cents of duty-Those paid at The Gus
tom House.
Men of letters-Correspondipg sscre,
taries and sign painters.
A fellow who cannot write describes
himself as q pen-shunner.
What man must have his glass before
he can do days work ? A glazier.
Money doesn't make the man, but
twenty shillings make the sovereign.
The Greeks kept no cats, and wore moi
boots, hence they had no use for boot
jacks.
Thermometers show man how hot he
is. and cobbler straws tell which way the
wind blows.
When married men complain ofbeing IN
hot water at home, it turns out half the
time that it's scold.
| A new novel is called, "My Hearts in
the Highlands" That is better than hay
ing your liver in the hands ofa doctor.
A Scotch wit says there is ne reason
why the phonograph should not be spoken
of as ''she." It repeats everything
/ When you cut out the hotel puff from
the letter of watering-pIace correspond,
ent, you take that on which the author
lives.
The Smith family has again heen heard
from. Retsey Smith, Of Kennebunk,
Ne, has read her Bible through forty one
times.
"Aay doctor consult his wife?o in
Iquires the Albany Times, He had better,
We think, if he wants to avoid trouble in
the famiIy.-Bu6a1o Express.
An ex hange speaks Of man who
was drowned while attempting TO cross a
creek in state of intoxication. It is sup
posed the river got to0 high.
Bees neither hum nor buzz. 1t has
been discovered that the noise made. by
them is lament. They feel sorry that
they can't sting dozen boys at once.
They say you can read mAn's char
+ acter BY feeling of his ears, but in trying
ii on you are more apt to have him read
your character by feeling of you with his
boots.
/ A married man in Newburg has invent,
ell an India rubber rolIingpin that vi
roll ont the dough very evenly and yet
bend to the head when it strikes.
The Boston Post asks, ibid you ever
see . claret punehl'' No; but any old
sport can tell you that ''Puneh Wiil
make the 'claret'' flow ifproperlyaPpiied
N Y Herald.
A Yankee who had won fat turkey n
rattle, and whose pious wife was veH5
inquisitiFe about his method Of obtaining
: the poultry satisfied her scruples at las
IS the remark that 'the Shakers gave il t
r him.
A manamay think he is serving the LORD
i to rent a hundred dollar church pew ane
j then oblige the deacons to watch his Office
door far month to collect the bill, bu
] he isn't-he doesn even commence to.
1t is singular coincidence that when
ever there is pig on shot or q horse tro
in the vicinity the notices on the door
n indicate that all the lawyers are out Q
a town trying eases. or else in the superio
8 court library.-New Hauen Register.
! Mr.. Hillgilder went home the othe
e night considerably intoxicated and afaict
:, ed with double vision. He sat for som
: time with his. sleepy gaze riveted on Mrs
: Hillgilder, and then quietly remarked
!: "WelI fhic). I hope t'holler if you tW
: gals don'tlook enough like TO he (hie
twins
Ittakes a drug clerk Of broad judgmen
and liberal views, and q calm, statesman
lie control Of his feature to know how t
: give citizen the right kiad of syrup i
7 his soda water when the citizen 8 wife say
she will take The same as her husband
= B,rtingtol. Haaeheye.
! Frenehman has invented a field -piee
which will fire seven times a second, an
is SO simple that child eannonderstan,
!. howitzerranged. Yet such . death-deal
: ins artily.repays the inventor. howeve
much he gets for i. We should be sorr
to see Dame Columbiad.it to her weapons
,fI - Graphic.
d Aneighbor wants 10 know, What eonl
e be smaller than the liuling Of to thistl
seed n Well, We suppose if ron real
wanted to draw things to q still finer focus
i vt,a nasrIf cal a convention of the me