The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-04-17

HOUHE.ULEANIAG.
How the Domestic Machine is
Run During the PROCESS.


Run During the Process.
About this time Of the year the mar
ried man Ia necessitated TO endure III.
affection Of house.cleaning. No married
man who has 4 wife with an eye to tn,
eternal fitness Of things can escape 1t
Its like dying and paying taxes, and has
got to be put up with.
For q week or 90 previous 10 this re-
markable period there are divers signl
and premonitiona Of something unusual
and about the first thing the old man be.
comes cogniIant Of is that he Is not bo.s
Of his own house. His wife becomes i'll
tempered, snaps him of short, and tramp.
about the establishment with 4 business
air not in accordance with her general
demeanor. Then there Is \ sort OF mys.
terious, subdued air about the hired girl,
and that mental seems TO have become
suddenly aware that II won't do TO daW.
die over her work, and she keeps 4 sharp
eye on the mistress. Then an ~appropris.
ton is wanted for brooms, scrubbing
brushes, buckets, soap, concentrated lye,
lime and bed.bug poison, and so the thing
works gradually along until the cloud
that was no larger than = mans hand in
creases and spreads owe all the establish.
ment, the storm bursts, and for & week,
more or les, the White,robed angel oil
peace, to gay nothing Of comfort, deserts
the house, and chaos reigns.
Then the old man HES him away Of 4
morning after eating an alleged break
fast off the mantle. piece, and he lays the
1attering unction 10 his soul that he'll
find something to eat and q place to sit
down when be Gomez home; and the old
woman ties a napkin around her head, an
apron around her waist, puts on the old
mans gum boots, and SEEKING 4 broom
begins to slosh around among pals aud
basins and q feeling Of joy pervades her
being because she knows Mrs. Jones,
next door, hasn't got her carpets up yet.
Then little Jimmy falls into q bucket OF
lime and nearly burns bis eyes out, and
about the time he's scraped off Johnny
runs 4 tack into his heel, and the neigh
bors have 10 be called in to see which Of
them can furnish q chunk Of tobacco TO
put on Jphnny's foot, and to express their
several views concerning the symptoms
and treatment OF lockjaw. In the middle
Of the row the old man appears and de-
mands his dinner, but Is Withered by a
single glance from his vile, and after hay.
ing Inadvertently sat down in 4 basin OF
blue wash, and hurled the basin with
many maledictions into the neighboriug
yard, he puts on his old pants and goes
around the corne for a beer and a
sweitZsr.
When be comes home at night his vile
presents the appearance Of having been
engaged in chimney.sweeping, and he IL
greeted by tie cheering intelligence that
the hired girl let the baby drop over the
banister, aud that a rag man had stolen
the dining.room carpet of the line in the
back yard. Then the old man appears
dazed, and wishes he hadn't come home
to supper, and his wife tells him not to
look like an idiot, but to eat that onion
and piece Of cheese in the cupboard and
then 20 and help the hired girl put up
the bedstead. She also adds, incidental
", that the skin is all knocked off her
knees aud elbows, and tina. she believes
10 goodness her back will come
straight again. The old man heayes a
couple Of slghs AID eats the onion, and
goes and puts up the bedstead and knocks
all the skin off his knees and elbo VS., aud
hopes to heaven this thing won't last
more than a month.
1t only lasts a week, however, at the
end OF which time the wife has worked
and worried herself to the ragged edge Of
the tomb, and the old man thinks a luna.
tic asylum would be a relief.