Daily Republican., 1878-11-07
q 4I n y 7777777s77 - ]
HUMOROUs.

while sgo went to hotel In . city OF
New Jersey for nights stay. He
ordered supper, and after taking = few
sips Of coffee, called the colorsd waiter
and said: "can you give me your
service this EVENING"" eyes sab, I"
said the waiter briskly. "The mater
10 one Of Importance" said Mr.. Beech
or, solemnly. "Perhaps ! had better
speak to the landlord myself about
H." "Oh, no, sab, !" said the sable At
tendant, fearful Of losing the humping
Zee tn the preachers earnestness fore
sha lowed. ~ can give you all tue
time you need "W-ll them said
Mr.. Bescher, with added sol-mnity. II
want you TO sit up to night with this
coffee. It is so weak 1t is going TO die
bvfore morning." There WAS . moment
of pathetic silence, and the waiter
withdrew.
The following naval story reveals the
amusing Ignorance OF a senior officer -
matters outside his profession. A
lieutenant on board one Of the guard
ships applied to his captain for leave
70 20 on shore. 1t was refused. He
asked again--the same answer, more
perpetory than before. He repeated
his request, and asked the reason Of
refusal. Both were still obstinatsly
withheld. But sir" he expostulated,
"if | ask for leave, and you refuse II,
without giving me any reason. ! shall
walk about the deck with = stigma on
my back" .By George, SIR" cried the
irate and unreasonable captain, "if ]
catch you walking up aud down her
Maj.sty's deck with any thing but her
Majesty's uniform on your back, III
have you tried by court martial!'
.Is the doctor inl' asked an anxious
looking young man, as he paused half
way up the stairway leading to DR..
Stones Office, yesterday. "No, | guess
not" replied the person addressed,
"but you can leave all order on the
slate" The young man hesitat-d n
moment. "Well, guess | would hard
ly have time 10 watt" he said. 1T is a
very urgent case'" well, yes" the
young man said, "rather urgent, |
think. Just as started away from
home my youngest brother was falling
ont Of second-story window.
"Yes, fellow citizens said wild
Western orator, with gold at par, green-
backs at a premium, the tax taken of
raw whiskey, our debts all paid, and
Liberty-dear old gal! has new dress,
and the American eagle an additional
arrow and fresh olive branch, ! ask
what IL to prevent US from being the
greatest people on earth' paused, for
Z reply" Just At this point 3 mellow
old rgg exploded right on the bridge OF
his nose, and he added: "The pause
will continue until can bust the stuffin'
out o the lop-eared leper that slung
that e-Whoope! let me At him.
A GALLANT OLD GEsrLEAAx.-Not
long ago, as an elderly couple We're oui
walking, lady on the opposite side st
the street tripped and fell down. The
old gentleman rushed across the street,
raised his hat, and offered to assist her
in any possible way. His wife followed
him across at a slow pace, and witness
I'd his devotion to the stranger. She
got snad and shook her fist at him
ats all right--it's all right" he whis-
persd. eyes, know it is I" she hstly
exclaimed. "Here an unknown woman
stu 'es her toe, and you plow across the
street to eat her up with kindness. The
oti-r day, when | fell down stairs, you
ste@d and laughed and chuckled and
tickled your ribs, and wanted to knew
if was practicing for the circus !"
will you dine with me tomorrow :"
said a Hibernian to his friend. "Faith
and j will with all my heart" Re
member it's only family dinner I'm
asking ye to-" "And what for not
A family dinner is mighty pleasaast.
What have you got ~ "Och nothiag
BY eonmon jist an illigant piece of
corned beef and potatoes" "By t.e
powers! that bates the world Jist
lny own dinner to q hair-barriug the
beef.
A little girl in Hartford, Conn, was
sent to the store the other day To buy
some iaoe. The clerk, after putting up
the package, said: "Well, there is
one and q half yards Of lace At ten cents
a yard. How much does it come to ~
To which the miss replied: ''Well,
l'm MOI going to tell have to study
all the rest of the week, and
I'm not going to bother my head with
1t Satnn4ays.'
In the sweet, balmy, delicious happi
ness of 4sme's first dream, a youth will
not only insist on cracking walnuts for
his girl, hut in picking out the goodies
Is we'll. Two years after marriage he
will not let her have the nut-cracker
until he is through. Girls, get mar
ried.
A member of fashionable congrega-
lion in New York lately called at mu
sic store and inquired for the music Of
4 piece called the Song of Solomon,'
" which his pastor referred to the Sab
bath previous as an exquisite gem, and
;he inquirer'S wife wanted to learn to
play 1t.
A boy asked his father the other day
What was philosopher. Why a
is a man who reasons. -
Is that SO said the boy dejectedly:
hought it was a man that didn't let
hings bother him." The father patted
lis sons head.
The girls like the new song, "Put
'our armor on, my boys" 1t sounds
o much like, ''Put your arms around
ne boys"
A Minnesota farmer who has FIVE
,rown.up daughters has sued the coun-
V. He claims that his residence has