The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-12-19
EVERYDAY SPICERlEs.

And now, before you 20,
Just cram her stocking with coolies,
From the top clean down to the toe''
EVERYDAY sPICERlEs.
THAT only can with propriety be
styled refinement which, by strengthen
ing the intellect, purifies the manners.
WEhave seen portrait of the Ameer
of Afghanistan. He parts his hair on
the isothermal line. This is enough;
les the war proceed Mobile Register.
The world all praze the philosophers,
but toss their pennies into the caps Of
the monkeys s-Josh Billings. Mr.. Bill
lings is rich -Graphic.
THE expectation of future happiness
is the best belief of anxious thoughts,
the most rfect cure of melancholy,
the guide of life, and the comfort of
death.
"WHAT shall 1 get for baby?" sings
Marion Harland, in an exchange. If it
is like most babies that have come un-
der our notice, Marion, you'd better get
it a wig. Rockland Courier.
If Col. sIngersoll or any boty else
proposes to undertake an improvement
on the work of the Creator, we wish
they would figure out some way for
man to dispose of his underneath arm
when he lies down.
A MARVELLOUS change came over the
feelings of the sneak, who quietly ac-
cepted five quarters for a dollar, and
when at safe distance from the. store
discovered to his disgust that they were
all twenty-cent pieces.-N Y. Ne,cs.
Our Wheeling inventor is getting up
new patent chair for dentists. A con-
cealed spring in it runs tack up through
the seat, and while the patient is howl
ing and his attention is diverted by the
attack below, the tooth is yanked out
= Wheeling Leader.
THE wise man on going to bed on
cold night plunges his feet to the bot
tom and has but one spot to warm. The
foolish man draws his knees up to his
chin and extends his feet gradually,
feeling all night as if he had taken
contract to melt down the corner of an
iceberg. Cincinnati Commercial.
TIE little folks wanted the head of
the family to spend the evening with
them. Father said he thought of at
tending meeting. Various measures
were discussed for keeping father at
home, when Tommy, aged five, ad.
dressed his brother, aged seven, as fol-
lows: Tll tell you what we'll do.
Well put a sign on the front door-'No
admittance to go out of this house
rights '"-0spego Times.
THE CARPENTERS wooINe.
"Oh, beam my life my awl to me'
He cried his flame Addressing
"If 'a1ze such love as yours,
I'd ask no other blessing!"
"Iam rs jolst to hear you speak
The maiden said, with laughter
!" For tho hammer guileless girl,
It's plane What you are Iafter.
Now. IL file love you just bit,
What further will you me?
Can--win you be content with that,
Or will you further tacks met"
He looked handsaw her words were fquare--
"No rival can dsp ace me-
Yes, one more favo Iimplore,
And that is, dear EN-, brace mai''
st. Louis Times,Joursal
THE pastor had called, and with Mrs.
Smith was having very edifying talk,
when all of sudden strange noise in
terrupted them. Says Mr.. Venable,
"Why, Mrs. Smith do you keep goat7
They are very useful as well as docile
animals. have often" There's no
knowing to what length the old gentle
man would have gone if Mrs. s. had not
interrupted with the information that
she did not keep goat. What he
heard was her daughter practicing the
scales.
Boys, don't smoke. Did you never
realize what an amount you squander
in ten-cent cigars in the course of a
year? Take, for instance, the small
number of two cigars day, and in
year it would amount to seyenty-three
dollars. What sum to waste in such
mannerl How much better would you
be employed in purchasing pair of
cuff buttons three inches in diameter,
seal-ring and scarf-pin and tie to
wear with alow-necked shirt Rockland
Courier.
The correspondents accompanying the
English column that is moving into
Afghanistan are writing back about
grapes that are larger than wainuts.
That is the correspondents tactics. He
begins to lie about the things he sees,
and then it is only two or three days be-
fore he is ready to lie about battle that
lasted all day, and resulting in the
slaughter of 2S9, ,674 ,S56 of the enemy,
and the death of two of our pickets."
And he usually tries to convey the i'm
preston that one of these pickets died
of old age.
ONLY a few more days, and the man
who is now ashamed to carry home a
quart of dried-apples when he has on
his best clothes, may be seen Juggling
along an armful of bundles of assorted
sizes, large paper parcel and a rock
ing-horse under his left arm, dolls and
jumping-jacks and balls and trumpets
bulging out his coat-tail pockets, and
elutched in his left hand a nine-pound
turkey with its head trailing along tho
pavement. And he will feel proud
and look happy tooy-Novisto,ea Herald.
A GENTLEMAN who had Just patented
a new religion deemed it necessary to
quicken and confirm the faith Of his
proselytes by whooping them up few
miracles, and accordingly announced
that he would fly over a ravine six
thousand feet deep and four miles across.
A vast multitude assembled upon the
appointed day, and them he thus adj
dressed: Dearly beloved brethren, in
order that should perform the miracle
which will now be presented for your
intelligent appreciation, 1t is absolutely
necessary that should be supported by
your faith as well as my own. This is
an occasion where cannot ran my
faith alone. Do you, therefore, believe
that by miraculous agencies ] can Hy
over this yawning abyss p We do
so say we all OF u.s. Then, dearly
beloved brethren, there isnoneed OF my
flying across and wasting miracle. "