The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-08-15

it took me much longer than that to think
out the frame work of that sermon.
care you Henry Ward Bcecher2" asked
the sermon-stealer.
81 am" said that gentleman.
"Well, them" said the other, not in the
least disconnected, "all have to say is,
that amt ashamed to preach one of
your sermons anywhere"
We do not know if Colman invented
the phrase, "as cool as a cucumber;" but
he makes the Irishman in Heir at Lao
say: "These two must be rich man that
won't lend, and a borrower; for one is
trotting about in great distress, and
tother stands as cool as "a cucumber" OF
the two, the latter was more likely to
have been intending raid on another
mans purse, for the men whose Every
trade is borrowing" are usually, We
might say necessarily, the coolest of the
cool; like Bubb Dodington's impecun-
ious acquaintance who, rushing across
Bond stree, greeted Dodngton with I'm
delighted to see you, for | am wonder.
fully in want of guinea"
Taking out his purse, Bubb showed
that it held but half "A guinea.
"A thousand thanks cries his tor
mentor, deity seizing the coin; "that
will do very well for the present. and
then changed the conversation. But as
he turned to take leave, he inquired: "By-
the-by, when will you pay me that half
guinea"
Pay your What do you meanl' ex-
claimed Dodington.
Mean? Why, intend to borrow
guinea of you. l have only got half; but
I'm not in hurry for t'other. Name
your own time, only pray keep y say
ing which, he disappeared round the
corner.
John Phmnix,' the American humor-
ist being one night at a theatre, fancied
he saw friend some three seats n front
of him. Turning to his next neighbor
he said: "Would you be kind enough to
touch that gentleman with your stick"
"Certainly,' was the reply, and the thing
was done; but when the individual thus
assaulted turned round, PhWnix saw he
was not the man he took him for, and
became at once absorbed in the play,
leaving his friend with the stick to settle
matters with the gentleman in front,
which, as he had no excuse handy, was
not done without considerable trouble.
When the hubbub was over, the victim
said: Didn't you tell me to tap that
man with my stick?' Yes" "And what
did you wantl" "Oh,' said Phoenix,
with imperturab!e gravity" 81 wanted to
see whether you could or not.'
Jack Holmes" man-about-town,
living no one knew how, was once under
cross examination by certain sergeant
at-law, who knew his man too we'll.
Now, sir" said the learned gentle
man, tell the jury how you liver
"Well," said Holmes, "a chop or a
steak and on Sunday perhaps little bit
of fish; am very plain living man.
"You know what mean, SIR thun-
dered the questioner. "What do you do
for a living"
"The same as you, sergeant" said the
witness, tapping his forehead suggestive
ly; land when that fails, | do''-going
through the pantomine of writing across
his hand-"a little bit of stuff-the same
as you again"
MY lud, shall not ask the obtuse
witness any more questions" said the
angry counsel.
"Brother," said Baron Martin, 81 think
you had better mott
Here is hint for our old friend the
clown in the pantomine. At the burn
ing Of a provision store, the crowd
helped themselves freely. One man
grasped a huge cheese as his share Of the
salvage; rising up with it he found him
self face to face with policeman, and
with admirable presence of mind put the
plumber icto the officers arms, saying
You had better take care Of that, police
man, or some one will be walking off
with it."
Equally ready TO relinquish his loot
when there was no help for it was "A Chi
cago negro, caught by a poultry fancier
in the act of carrying off some of his live
stock, and challenged with: "What are
you doing with my chickens" II wuz
gwine fer to fetch EN- back, boss" ex-
planned he. "Dere's a niger roun here
what's been disputin' along er me bout
dem chickens. said dey wuz Corchin
Chyniz an he said dey wuz Alabarmar
pullets an l wuz jes takin' 'em roun'
leI lcI staOIlsl my hollidSc' DSy uoh
lay no aigs, does dey, bossi Ef dey does,
I'm mighty shamed of husttin' EN- roun'.
Aigs is scase."
Impudently cool as the darkey was, he
must yield the palm for effrontery to the
Erie Railway guard, whose interview
with Manager Fisk is thus related in an
American paper;
"You are conductor on the Erie,
believer
"Yes, sir"
Glow long have you been on the