The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1878-06-22

followed him into his "secondly," when my
mind wandered, and prejudiced individ-
ual would probably have charged me with
being asleep. reused myself warily, how
ever, chewed bit of fennel and put on q
look of intense satisfaction with the dis
course.
Suddenly became aware Of movement
in the direction of one of my coat-tails.E A
freezing horror chilled my personIfrom head
TO foot, and knew then that it was the
cider getting ready to explode in my left
hand pocket. For moment tried to
summon up an appearance of unGcncern, as
if the detUnating sound came from some
other locality, but its proximity could not
be long disguised. Immediate expose was
inevitable.
Should instantly fly from the pew, be.
fore the cork had time to do its worst7
deliberated a moment, but it was too late.
One crashJ-my fate was sealed. In all my
experience with corks, never had one
leave the neck of bottle with noise like
that. The noise was terrific in its violence,
and to my disordered fancy shook the meet
house, The minister stopped short in his
sermon, and looked around bewildered.
Two small, disreputable boys in the gallery
collapsed with delight. Anything to put
an end to the sermon was "nuts" to them,
and they at once effervesced with happiness
aver my misery. But their effervescsnce
was nothing to that which was going on in
our immediate vicinity With one mighty
bound the "pent-up Utica" of cider, with
no cork to stop it, tore into the air above
our pew and leaped headlong over my
shoulders, boiling and bursting into the
back of my neck, and spilling over Into the
broad aisle. In vain tried to restrain the
impetuous liquid with my fngcrs-to curb
its remorseless fury for moment with my
northumberland; but no effort of mine
could quell its feet career. On it came,
kissing and destroying like wild tornado |
in tropic cline, terrible to contemplate and |
awful to experience. 1t was indeed "sight |
to behold" My hand became saturated |
with cider to that extent, in the language |
of Prof. Holmes, it drooped around my
pallid check like sea-weed in a calm" My |
garments ran applejuice, and was as one
stepped from crown to toe in cider. I was
odorous with the foaming abomination, and
fearful to look upon.
All eyes were turned upon me, evidently
requiring an explanation of such an un-
wonted scene, while the other bottle began
to give volublc signs of disturbance. At
once started up in fresh alarm, and ran
out of the pew, making for the meeting
house door with all the precipitation posi-.
BILE to a ruined man; but, alas! was too
late. Out flew the other cork, and second
deluge wildly ensued. Miss Libby was
struck twice violently in the bonnet, and
screamed as flew past her into the porch.
There sat down, overcome with shame
and over-exertion, only wishing for Provi.
dental annihilation on the sacred spot
had innocently done so much to desecrate.
Reader, may it never be your fate to hear
what have heard, to see what have seen,
in an old-fashioned country meeting house,
where every body knows you, and where,
down to the latest generation, nobody ever
forgets ridiculous catastrophe like mine.
For centuries TO come, whenever a bottle
'f cider threatens to explode in South Lit.
tleton, some by-stander will be sure to OBJ.
serve, with sly look at the fixing aper.
lure; :" Stand by with tumbler, for guess
It's going to PerritP And thus my i'll.
starred name will forever be associated with
'iderial influences, any thing but pleasant,
n the humble village where l was BORN
Youths Companion.