Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-04-26
F. U N !.

How is. this? Professor J. Newberry
charges dollar admission to a lecture in
which he says he don't know where men
came from. Colonel Ingersoll, on the
other hand, charges seveHty-fve cents ad-
mission to lecture in which be tells us
he don't know where we are going to-.
Will some savant have the kindness to It
us where we are?
Mr.. A. Bronson Alcott was once ex
pounding his theorytof tie sinfulness OF
eating flesh, and said : IA man who eats
pork becomes a little swinish, does he not Z
And if he eat mutton he is inclined to
be a little sheepish.t' ''Perhaps so,'' re-
piled DR.. James Walker, "but have no.
ticed that men who live on vegetables are
apt to be rather small potatoes
While she sat in the twilight, expecting
her beloved, her hands wandered Wistfulil
over the keys as she Sang, Somebody,
somebody's waiting for thee" She was
right. The cd man with new pair of
double uppelS and club was waiting for
him behind the trout door.
The other day a little girl Of three and
a half, while playing With Aunt AIice's
ring, lost IL. Botu looked for ii for some
time, without finding it, wien, in despair,
tue little one said: '.COme, auntie, let s
cry"
Trifles light as hair may change the
future Oh man. For Instance, a Slngr
golden thread, cleaning from his Goa.
collar, when his. wife always buys BLACK
switches, may lead the way To dlvulc,
suit.
The acme of recorded cheek is that of "a
Name debtor, who coolly informed Ills cre
ditors III o4tland that he Would pay no al
teuL.On " their dunning letters hereafter ,
unless they enclosed stamp for reply.
Ii you wait to keep the house VAIN tie
year round, all youkhase to do is t. lind
1ault, whether there is occasion OF Lot,
anu you Will evolve d degree Oh heat which
the thermometer can't measure.
A conclusive reply has been given to
L.
teenth Century, entlLied is lille worth
hvIng?" The answer is, sit depends on
the Muer.'
Bankers generally roll their hard money
in paper and make IL look like SO many
La ge spuois. We rolled our hard money
up Tie o.her day aud 1T looked like d but
ton.
A stranger who was about to purchase
builuing lot III Danbury wanted the uetu
made out SO aS W protect him against ANY
future action by Mrs. Gaines, OF
Louisiana.
A little boy was asked, tie other day,
il h: knew w.,re the wicked finally went
to. He answered: "They ractlce law
here spell, and then 60 to the
legislature
A Young man was fined the other day
twenty doiiars for kissing d pretty glrI
when she didn't want him to. Ii often
costs ten times DIS much when they do WAN.
INN TO.
We saw young man with two heads Oh
his shoulders the other day, but didn't COLI
slider it much OF curiosity. One belong
ed to his gill.
Preacher Ito boy in the street, My
little man, is your fathe. a Christian?
Boy-Yes, sir, but he amt working at it
much lately.
Girls, whose opinion about such things
is always valuable, say that there is too
much shirt-collar and too little young man
in the present fashion to suit their taste.
That little birds in their nests agree"
is no credit to the birds, because it would
never do for them to fall out.
A minister recently prayed for those of
his congregation who were 'too proud to
kneel and too lazy to stand.''
ECONOMY is the road to wealth. and
4,e way can be easily told by the tall grass
which streaks its centre.
Somebody says that for energy the Vice
President is "a regular steamboat" Yes,
stern Wheeler.