The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-01-10
EVERYDAY sp1CERIEs.

EVERYDAY SPICERIES.
ROME Sentinel: A neglected wife
may keep her sorrows to herself, but q
neglected liver will not.
WORCESTER Press: The paragraphers
are all young men. Their wit becomes
bad-in-age-if if not before.
WORCESTER Press: The impecunious
editor never mistakes the manly tread
of the bill-collector for the stealthy foot
falls of the original poet.
DOM PIATT says that g a true inter-
viewer is man who puts his own views
in the mouth of the interviewed and
trusts to God and good luck to escape
DEATH"
YoNKERs Gazette: Shakespeare says
the quality of mercy is not strained, but
some kinds are 80 thin that you couldn't
get anything out of them if you should
strain all day.
FULTON Times: The baby who took
the first prize at the first baby show is
living in Cincinnati. 1t is girl and
she has got false teeth, and wart on
her cheek, and a mole on her left arm.
The wrong word sometimes makes
silly bull.-Boston Post. And the wrong
mistletoe sometimes makes silly-buss.
! Il Philadelphia Bulletin. And in mixing
wine and milk for your brother you
make silly-bub.-G Graphic.
HE lies across the teachers knee, his broadest end
nm p.
And the teacher buckles down to work like Cos
When &c voice Of the afhicted arises shriry-
1t isn't lair; haven't got my winter trousers
MONTAGUE Lumbamdn: One of our
citizens says there is nothing really as
.tonishing about the case of the Rhode
Island man who is alive with two
bullets in his head, for he has daughter
whose head is full of balls and parties
all the time.
on CITY Derrick: Elihu Burritt is
called the learned blacksmith. We will
not believe he knows any more about
his trade than any other blacksmith,
until we shall have seen him shoe a mule
without being kicked in the stomach
nineteen or twenty times.
NoRRIsTowN Herald: A Boston
woman recently testified that man
| had threatened to take her life, and he
was put under bonds to keep the peace
for six months. The woman evidently
thinking this was insufficient punish
ment, subsequently married him. She
says revenge is sweet.
NoRRIsTowN Herald: Agassiz says
that if you leave your fnger-nails uncut
for thousand years they will grow to
be thousand feet long. We hope none
of our readers will try the experiment.
Finger-nails thousand feet long would
look extremely vulgar, to say nothing of
the inconvenience they would entail.
TRANsvAAL Argus: A tramp was
arrested, taken before magistrate, and
sentenced for three months. The JUS
| tice, in explaining the sentence, remarked
j that, while there was no evidence that
the prisoner had been guilty of any
crime, he thought it prudent to commit
him, as he had the wild, haggard look of
q man about to start a newspaper.
ROME Sentinel: As year after year
rolls into the great sea of the past, and
man draws nearer and nearer the great
port of death, he becomes more and more
sadly convinced that rel flannel wrap
pers will shrink in spite of the best eff
forts of the washerwon an. This is why
it is SO difficult to distinguish last
years wrapper from coral necklace.
TO A cow.
Why, COW, how canst thou be 70 satisfied
So well content with all Thugs here below,
So unobstrusive and so sleepy.eyed,
So meek, SO lazy, and 81 awful slowl
Dost thou not know that everything is mixed
That naught is as 1t should be on this earth,
That grievously the world needs to be fixed,
That nothing we can gain has any worth,
That times are hard, that life Is full OF care,
OF sin and trouble, and untowardness,
That love Is 70 ly, friendship but a snaref
Prttl COW, this is no timefor lazinessl
The cud thou chewest is not what 1t seems!
Get up and mool Tear round and quit thy dreams!
ID. L. Proudff.
ALBANY Journal: Woodchucks are a
very curious animal. 1t is made of hair
and eyes and has two front teeth, and
can see man with gun when the eyes
are shut and bolted. l have seen a dog
shake a wookchuck till both were black
in the face. A woodchuck can .snivel
up his nose and show his teeth and look
as homely as L can without trying. They
sit on one end and eat with the other. A
woodchuck can get home faster than q
gun can shoot. He is round all over,
except his feet which are black. When
eaten they retain the favor of their nests,
and seem to have been cooked without
being pared. A fat woodchuck, when
eaten properly, is no laughin' matter.
They come under the head of "d0mes-
tic animals" and their amt no p ace
like home when dog goes for oneof 'em.
HARPERs' Mdgazinc: At the great
meeting held in Cooper Institute in
October last, to sustain the administIa-
tion of President bayes, at which it had
been announced that Mr.. Evarts would
be present, gentleman from Vermont,
who had not seen the Secretary Of State,
but had desire to do SO, said TO the
person seated next to him, I" Is MIR.
E-varts on the platform ?" "No; he has
not yet arrived" "He's expected p
"Oh yes; he'll be along presently"
"Pve never seen Mr.. E-varts, but pve
heard good deal of him. He's got o
farm up to Windsor, up in our State
"Well, when he comes Tll tell you.
The boys generally give him a cheer
when he comes on the stage. All, there
he comesw "Is that himT' Yes"
civilian M. E-vartsT' Certainly =
"Well, 1 declarep' exclaimed the Yer.
monter. Why, helo0ks asy he boarded r.