Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-06-06
Wit and Xzt7jlO5"

acknowledgements
4 An old settler-a piece of Goldfish.
Border troubles the wall-pa-
per.
Il fool and his fathers money are soon
parted.
Reading makes full man, and so does
whisky.
Woman tempted man to eat but he
took to drink himself
Whoni did the pastry cook marry? His
sweet tart. OF course.
! solomon was the first man who parted
the heir in the middle.
A carpet is a heat conductor, but hot
! (headed) conductor is not Il carpet.
1t is estimated that every man who lives
to be sixty years old has spent seven
months OF his life buttoning his shirt-col-
lar.
II live in Julia's eyes" said an affected
candy in Coleman's hearing. Very like
ly." replied George ''she had sty in ihtih
when saw her last"
Occasionally we hear of wise man max
inc his appearance in Washington. and
then we sean the papers to see what luna
tic asylum he escaped from.
What is to be done with the devil %
asks tie buffalo EJpress And the Ho,ck-
eye replies: ''if he is through taking
proofs, let him distribute brewer until it is
time to go for the mall
The bump of beneyolence is said to be
better protected by thick covering of
bone than any other organ. Pass the COM
tribution box around and you will find
that this statement is true.
The Richmond Dispatch called the Lex
ington Ga=ettc ''hypercritical," whercupon
| the Ga=ctte man wants to fight the Dis
patch man. and cxcaims Indignantly.
"Well show him we are no hypercrit,"
\ rich miser being asked what he
thought Of his nci@hbor, who was very
poor. replied: ''lle is very honest man.
for during the forty years he lived next
door TO me he has never asked me for any,
thing
a resident OF Waterbury. Cont. bought
a neighbours dog because it howled, and
killed him. The neiyhbor dug up the
body. got one dollar bounty for it, and
then bought another dog. Then the first
man howleu.
"Malria4c,' says George Elliott, SIS
promotion" And this sort of promotion
makes some young men so proud and
stuck up that they won't do Il stroke of
work as long as their wives are able to
make shirts and take in washing to keep
them.
is there a hell?' the papers keep ask
inc. We don't think there is; at least we
don't remember of having received Il prop
osition from there to do $50 worth Of adj
vertisinG and take the pay in soap, SO it
can't be that there is any such piace.-Fnl,
ton Times.
A barrister gives this rcminiscence in an
afler-dinner speech: "When l began to
practice was in perfect rags; the small
est hole in my shirt was the one | stuck
my head through. and | had to have that
my only shirt, washed by the dozen, for it
was in twelve pieces.'
His wife caught him with his arms
around the hired girls neck. but his cotrs
age even in this trying extremity never
torsook him. IL suspected some one of
stealing the whisky on the preserves, Jane,
for some time, and you know her breath
would have told if she was the guilty par
ty."
Mr. filyilder Went home the ether ete-
ming considerably intoxicated and afflicted
with double vision. lie sat for some time
with his sleepy gaze riveted on Mrs. Pill
glider, and then quietly remarked: ''Well
(hic) hope t'holler if you two gals don
look enuf alike to lc (hic) twins:'
When St. Louis girl is very mulch ir
earnest abo"t anything she says she vii
''bet her boots on it. The auditors wal
around her feet, and when they have re
turned and rested, they say that if she has
not wagersd her all on the result. she has
betted Il great share Of hel lf-Ch;cagc
Tribune.
At one of the churches in a neighboring
town, during the week OF prayer, a men,
Der was praying errnestly for the sinners,
and called upon the Lord ''to take them
by the nape of the neck and shake them
over hell till they squeal like young c0ons;
but, Oh, fer Gods sake, don't let 'em drop
in"
\ man more than half seas over was oite
day observed supporting the parapet of til,
North Bridge, Edinburg, shaking his heat
and repeating to himself sadlyl 1T mus
be done it must he drrc," An old lad
passing by, thinking he contemplated sui
eide, said to him: ''What must be done,
my man:' ''Must 90 home and face my
wife, was the woeful answer.
A gentleman in this city. wishing 10 hire
a man to work for him, asked him some
questions regarding himself, aad, among
others, asked him if he was married. He
answered: NO, bat | have lived with 8
woman fifteen years" "What. lived with
a woman and not married to herr" ''Wel,
sor, yc woultln't have me marry my motlt-
er, would ye: He was hired.'
The other day Harry Arnold, who had
been driaking something a little strongcr
than water, was standing on q porcL,
eight feet high above the ground. at Otto.
Somebody approached him and asked Hit,
how he felt. Ito remarked that he felt d.
powerful. ana Vac just about able to stoo
off of the porch and walk OH the air. Ii
friend bet him the drinks that he couldn'.
walk on air worth a cent. Harry too
him up and walked about eighty roo
straight out sfito tho air. lie would havc
walked farther, only the air got rotten III
der him and his toes turned in, so ne slip
ped. and fell to the ground. II vas grea,
feat. however, and if his greater Sect hal!
behaved themselves, he would have proved