South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-08-02

river-Teacher- are ships called
she? Boy (precociously alive to the re-
sponsibilities Of his sex)-Because they
need men to manage them.
gV-A Rutland farmer finding pota-
to-bug on his dinner-tablc. the other day,
calculated Good heavens! Have You
got TO have your potatoes cooked this
year?"
IyA big Yankee from Maine. on
paying his bill in London restaurant,
Was told that the sum put down didn't
include the waiter. Wall" he reared,
Il didn't eat any waiter, did IL"
LIZA mother was explaining the orr.
gin OF things to her little daugh;o-.-
Having been told that God made the
earth. the child asked, who made God?
The mother hcsitating q moment for an
answer, the child said, i suppose he
just blistcred right out ~
IOHe had brought her the very things
she had wanted from the supper table to
her safe retreat on the stairs. and she
was moved 10 say, half laughingly:-
You are man after my own heart, Mr..
B Just what ! am after" he
answered. quick as fash, covering her
With confusion.
say-Tnat voracious sheet, the News
Letter, says That there is 4 girl in Santa
Barbara with such biz mouth That the
other day when she smiled at fellow
OH the street kind hearted little boy
exclaimed with great earncstncss, Look
out, Miss, your lids coming orr
TIE JAW BoNE OF AK AsS.-Some
years ago a minister was addressing u
Sabbath School. lnterspersing his re-
marks with questions on the life and ex.
PLOTS Of Samson, lie asked, among 9th
crs, the following: with what remark
able weapon did Samson at one time
slav q number of Philistincs?' For a
while there was no answer, and the min
lister, to assist the children little, com.
menccd tapping his jaw with the tip Of
his finger, at the same time saying,
whats this what's this?" Quick as
thought little fellow, quite innocent
of mischievous intent, replied, The
jaw bone Of an ass, sir - a loud litter
ran through tho school, in which the
minister was compelled to join; and he
many times afterwards related the Incl
dent with thorough appreciation of its
fun, though it made him careful IN as
sisting young ideas" for the failure.
SPANK That BoY.-'Father what
does a printer live on?''
Live on? The same as other folks
of course. Why do You ask, Joha?"
because you said you hadn't paid
anything for your paper, and the printer
still sends it 10 you"
Wife, spank that boy"
Il shan't do IT,"
why not?"
because there is no reason TO do So
No reason? Yes there is. Spank
him tell you, and put him to bed"
Il shant do any such thing. What
in the world do you want him spanked
for?"
lie IS TOO smart"
well, that comes from marrying me. -
What do you mean
II mean just this, that boy is smarter
than his father, and you cannot deny it
He knows enough TO see that man,
printer or no printer, can't live on moth
ing, and should think you would be
ashamed of yourself not 10 know as
much Sensible woman
EV"Ahr' sighed hungry tramp, 81
wish 1 was boss. Hes nearly always
got bit in his mouth, while | haven't
had a bit in winc for two days
GVThere arc beautiful warm sod'
springs in Colorado, and people who g
bathing in them at once cEcIaim "Oh
but this is sodalici,us."
gY--sambo. did YOU ever sec thc
Catskiu MountainsE No sah, but
seen en- Kill mice"
GgAn old gentleman Of our acqnaib
lance who is opposed 70 using anything
but stone for building purposes say
that, as your house Ike your bat, is IN
tended % shelter your head. the les
bricks you have in in il TIC better.
axvN 0cutIetuau asked n -hcphCr,