The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-10-03
Miscellaueou
Natural selection; when the small boy
takes the biggest piece of cake.

Natural selection; when the small boy
takes the biggest piece of cake.
many people alas can sympathize with
them.
A tack points heavenward when it
means the most mischief. 1t has many |
human imitators.
The blacksmith is about the only work
man who secures prosperity by being al
ways on the strike.
"You seem 10 walk more erect than
usual my friend" "Yes, I have been
Strengthened by circumstances
An old hunter says: I've known a
great many foxes to grow gray, but |
never knew one to grow good.
L don't like that cat It's got splnt-
ers in its feet p was the excuse of four
year old for throwing the kitten away.
A little boy, when reproved for break
ing new rocking horse, said: Whats
the good Of horse till it's broker
The grand and awful difference between
a tree and a bore is: the tree leaves in
spring; and the bore-why, he never
leaves.
Sambo's instructions for putting on a
coat are: First de ight arm, den de left.
and den give one general conwulsion.
A few more such victories tor the De
mocracy as that which they are exulting
over in Maine and there will be no tail
for the Southern Democracy to wae.
Western lawyer included in his bill
against his client: ITO waking up in the
night and thinking about your case, five
dollars"
A Troy man has lost canal-boat, and
a local paper suggests that some Syracuse
girl took it for a slipper.
Tommy, my son, what is longitude p
"A clothes line papa prove it. my
son Because it stretches from pole to
pole"
Which are the lightest men, Irishmer,
Scotchman, or Englishmen Pin Ireland
there are men of Cork, in Scotland there
are men of Ayr (air), but on the Thames
there are lightermen.
Cyrus Card was married the other day,
and on his wedding notices were the
words, No cards But then he doesn't
know what might happen.
Shopkeeper to Commercial Traveller
Cant give you an order Quite over
stocked Traveller: "Let me, at least,
show you my samples" Shopkeeper
Spare yourself the trouble l can't look
at them myself? It's three weeks since
l have seem them"
A girl who had been very observant of
her parents mode of exhibiting their
charity, being asked what generosity was,
answered: "lt's giving to the poor all the
old stuff you don't want yourself"
saddIer was talking about a new
style of surcingle which he had got up,
when one of the company pointed to
miserly old bachelor that was passing,
and saidS"There's the meanest sir single
in this village"
"Will the boy who threw that pepper
on the stove please come up here and get
a present of nice book p said Sunday
school Superintendent in Iowa; but the
boy never moved He was farseeing
boy.
A jeweler being sent to prison said to
the turnkey, "If you'll let me out, I'll sell
your watch for you to good advantage"
No, nc" responded the turnkey; lin
stead Of letting you sell my watch, I'll
watch your cell.
Earnest Republicans who desire to Sc
cure Republican supremacy in the next
House, should realize that about the only
way it can be done is by hard work in
the North, and not by depending on in
dependent movements in the South and
West
With pleading eyes she looked up from
the piano, and sang, Call me your dar
ling again" But he refused, as there
were witnesses around, and there is no
telling when man will be introduced to
a breach of-promise suit in these days.
There are thousands of Southerners
who believe that the South will in time
be REIN bursed for the loss of its slaves.
The South Carolina Democrats, in order
to cajole the colored people into voting
the Democratic ticket, are promising to
give them share OF the money when it
shall be obtained.
Daniel Fender concluded letter, ask
ing his precious Angeline to be his. as
follows Say yes my precious Angeline,
and | will forever be your faithful D.
Fender" Daniel thought that was a
happy hit, and SO did his precious Ange-
line"
An Irishman accosted a gentleman on
the street, late at night, with a request
for the time. The gentleman suspecting
that Pat wished to snatch his watch, gave
him stinging rap on the nose, with the
remark, at has just struck one" "Be
jabers, retorted Pat, Pm glad l didn't
ak yez an hour ago
There are over 1000 national banks in
the United States Since the date of
their organization sixty banks-not 600,
the Democratic press has it-have gone
into liquidation; but not single individ-
ual holding their notes has ever lost
dollar by the failure or suspension of
national bank.
A teacher in Greenock, during the Bi-
BILE Lesson, when speaking about Cain
and Abel, asked one of his scholars:
Where did Cain go after he killed
Abel p He went to bed, sir" was the
reply. Went to bed Where do you
get that information? said the teacher.
"Its in the chapter, sir, that Cain, after
he had killed Abel, went to the Land of
Nod"
That the solid South has been obtained
alone by violence, intimidation, murder,
and the vilest frauds on the elective fran
chise has been clearly and fully proved
by all the rules of evidence; and every
Democrat Of the North, by supporting
that party, is Willingly or unwittingly,
Intentionally or unintentionally, an ac-
cessory after the fact to those murders
and frauds