Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-09-11
HunlOr.

Song OF the cook" Good bye, sweet
tart, good bye. y .Bradtord Breeze. !.
An of-hand matter-Trying to finger
a buzz-saw IN motion. Chicago NeWs.
Young man, in beginning a courtship
be sure you don't write and then 90
ahead. .G.5 .. la..#.F. ...,..,t
| A young lady has written book call
ed My Lovers" It begins, of course
at Chap. 1. ~" o."
Some people are like green Holsters
they never know when to let 90 when
you shake hands with them. 0..s
Nothing makes baldheaded man so
mad as fly that doesn't know when it
has enough.-Burhngtom HaaOheye.
The cool evenings remind us that the
autumn has pooled it's issues and the
summer must go" -LoWeU Courier.
Miss Miranda. Gates, the handsome
and accomplished belle Of Niagara, is
said to be, q great .scold. Beautiful
Gates.a jawer !-TBufa1o Express. {.
One paper says that none of the pro-
fesslonal boatmen can pull a, sunstroke;
and anothe responds that that depends
upon the scull.
0nOW us the man VINO never forgot to
mail letter for his sweetheart and we
Will show you man who always forgot
to mail one for, his wife.
. No one has been able to explain why
1t is that a man feels that he is more
likely to get up In time in the morning
by keeping his watch. or clock half an
hour fast. ............: ~.
Yes" said an Irish gentleman at
Long Branch, that lady is very disa
greeable at table. If Lived in thesame
house with her, she would be the only
one in it, [ can tell you" ...,
Ella Mccall the actress, committed
suicide because she heard her lover was
a married man. IL He has since proven
that he is not Moral: Give a fellow a
| chance Camden Post.
If you were to offer ten thousand dol
| lars for sewing machine that didn't
| take the " first premium" at the Paris
exposition, we don't suppose you could
| get one.-NorristoWn Herald. Z 80
Said he: Matilda you are nv dear
est duck" Said she: Augustus YOU
are trying to stuff me-" She was too
sage for him. oag +. j. 90.e. r., t...s, van.
This is the season OF the year when
the young man sadly picks the bird
shot out of his legs and declares that
water-melons are unhealthy anyhow.
A clothier has excited public curl
osity by having a large apple painted
on his sign. When asked for an ex-
PLANTATION, he replied: eff it hadn't
been for an apple, where would the
ready-made clothing stores be to-day"
When Bridegroom finds all the1clothes
the other on hook behind the pantry
door, he realizes for the first time that
the honeymoon is over g'aRf ese .essi
An intelligent and sensitive journal.
imparts this bit OF delicate information
! to It's, fourteen millions of. readers: cit
is not polite to bite corn from the cob in
the presence of people who have false
teeth" '-i" ~ u HoahA" zo7aa. 3
A Rew Duluth, Mimi, ordinance gives
the awful warning that any COW, of
either sex, hereafter found sporting a
! bell or ringing the same Within said
| limits shall, upon conviction thereof, be
subject to fine or Imprisonment, or both
at the discretion Of the court" t,....
I A correspondent of the st. Louis
| GLobe-Democrdt tells this story: Gan
Irishman, upon his arrival in the United
States, noting the great number of mil
| itary titles, exclaimed, "What divil of
a battle has been fought near here,
where all the privatesg We're kilt "aa lg.-ss
J" 1t Was probably young man. from
Middle. Haddam who made his first adj
vent to'the metropolis by the midnight
train, and who respectfully asked the
night clerk of the Aston House ssiif it
would be.any trouble to Mrs.sAstorato,
keep him all night. "--Ha,tord Times. ,--
10 The Boston Transcript doesn't care a
cent'abou an Egyptian obelisk: Take
Bunker, Hill Monument and give one or
two, small boys, equipped with chalk,
access to the whole length and breadth
Of its sides, and you Will have perfect
representation of the sobelisk that Goth
am is signing for,"''o g,t..-s .+.r.5 o.
1t is safe to affirm as a general propo-
sition that two-thirds Of all the miseries
of married life-for married life has it's
miseries, though, being divided, they
are not SO hard to bear as are the mis-
erles ofslnglenessA traceable direct
ly Oh indirectlYdto the inexplicable but
wholly lneradicable mania on the part
Fof women Of all conditions and kinds
for making preserves. =. Philadelphia
TI,nesdJs II; 1-E.a4s auasIs h1a" II. g.
'Albricklayer WAS one day brought to
the Edinburgh lnfrmary. severely in
jured by a, fall from a housetop. The
medical man III attendance asked the
sufferer at what time the accident oc-
cured CAT two clock" was the re-
plyai On being asked how he cameAto
fix the hour. SO accurately, he answered:
"Because, [ saw the people at dinner
through a window SIS [ was coming
down" gas
l. PROFESSOR EDISON, while in Virginia
City, NeYyi stepped into a telegraph Of
!, fee, and 8 local paper describes MIN as
t" the worst-dressed man in the room by
all odds. An old black hat, cheap
shirt with the stud-holes in the bosom
unoccupied, two-bit necktie several
| ,0II