Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-26
The cultivation of tobacco in Eng

The cultivation of tobacco in Eng
land, is prohibited by law.
The man who builds house that he
has not the means to pay for, simply
provides home to run away from.
"A resentfuI man said of tailor
whom he didn't like, that there was
never a fit in his shop unless a customer
fell in one.
"A man who covers himself with
costly apparel ;i'.l neglects his mind, is
like man who Eliminates the outside
of his house and sits within in the dark.
A bad wife is a shackle on her hus-
bands feet, burden on his shoulder,
palsy to his hands, smoke to his eyes,
vinegar to his teeth, thorn to his side,
dagger to his heart.
-Spain's tenacious grasp upon Cuba is
not surprising. The revenue from Cuba
y ! SAID to be the greatest in the world
rom any colony of its size, amounting
70 thlrty-tWo million dollars a year Of
"A paragraph is going the rounds of
the press, explaining on scientific
grounds why girl cannot throw a stone.
If some scientist would kindly point
out what is the safest position the by-
stander can Occupy-whether behind or
before-when she attempts it, he would
be to some extent public benefactor.
A Rochester man attempted suicide
by drowning in the canal, few days
since. He was fshed out, and being
asked by the police justice the reason
for his jumping into the canal, said: "I
haf much droubles; have two womans
to live NIT; Won haf vive childers and
Won hat not any; dey stole my moneys,
und want to kill mineself"
The story is told of a clergyman
that after preaching an interesting ser
mon on "The Recognition of Friends in
Heaven" he was accosted by a hearer,
who said; "I like that sermon, and
/ now wish you would preach another
on the recognition of people in this
world. I have been attending your
church three years, and not five per-
sons in the congregation have as much
as bowed to me in all that time"
A man in Illinois committed suicide
by drowning, lately, in six inches of
water. He couldn't have done it alone,
but his wife, with that self-sacrifcing
devotion and helpfulness so characteris-
tic of the sex, sat on his head.
A brother editor has lost faith in the
luck of horse shoes. He nailed one
over his door recently, and that MORN
ing there came by mail three duns and
seven "stOps," and a man called with a
revolver to ask "who wrote that article?'
The mother-in-law has been attacked
in the New Jersey courts, where a man
has had the courage to sue her for a
thirteen hundred dollar board bill. It
was contracted during one of the short
visits to see how Maria was getting along.
An India rubber baby. that squeals
like human infant, has been invented.
We don't know whether this fills a long
felt want or not, but when it comes to
falling cut of the third-story window it
certainly possesses one great advantage
over the flesh and blood article.
Wlo wants to kiss a girl if he knows
she's got to let him, and he.knows he's
got to do it, and everybody's looking on
TO see fair play? No, sir, that takes an
the life ;u: of it. The way to do is to
catch her e and and tear the gathers
out of her, and pull the ribbons to pieces.
and knock her back hair down, and hear
her say, "Oh y all to yourself, and then
go away to quiet place and think it
over.
It is easy enough. Suppose you have
mailed a letter in your pocket and
carried it there three weeksl Sit down
and write: "You will observe by the
date of the within, my dear mother-in-
law, that Eliza forgot to hand it to me
until this morning. 1t has been banged
around in the bureau drawer, and is
rather soiled in consequence. I must
talk to Eliza. She is getting more care
less and forgetful every day."
Thomas Dunn, of Pittsburgh, was ar
rested for simply attempting to cut his
wife's throat because "she wouldn't patch
his pants" A man in this enlightened
nineteenth century can't be expected to
20 around with unpatched pants. But
there may have been some extenuating
circumstances in the case of the Pitts
burgh woman. Her husbands trousers
may have been black, and she had no
blue or red stuff in the house with which
to patch 'em.