The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-12-12
EVERYDAY SPICERTEs.

EVERYDAY SPICERIES.
JOSH B1LL1Nes is said to be so bald
that near-sighted people have much
difficulty in deciding which side of his
head his face is on Graphic.
The keepers of Ludlow-street. Jail
declare that the ghost of Boss Tweed
roams the corridors at will, singing re-
ligious songs.-Detroit Free Press.
As soon as young man can make his
girl believe that rolled plate jewelry
protects the wearer from lightning he is
all O. K. for Christmas. - Detroit Free
Press.
The season will soon arrive when
young clergymen may be found trading
off slippers and dressing gowns for
volumes of sermons and Commentaries
on Scripture.-Nea0 Orleans Picauune
A FASHION exchange tells us that
single ornament in gentleman's shirt
bosom is the style. This doesn't refer
to the men who chew tobacco and
haven't sufficient facial muscle to spit
clear of themselves.ARock Courier.
The Toledo Blade prints poem en-
titled, "The Song Never Sing" II
it is fair sample of the songs sung by
the writer, then his friends must be
very sorry, we should say, that every
song he sings is not the song he never
sings CourieT-Jo Journal
THERE is this difference between men
and angels. If Adam had slipped on
banana peel, his fall would have kept
posterity on a broad grin, but the
angels would have wept and boun-
teously supplied him with ointment and
arnica plaster Yonkers Gazette.
RESUMPTION will certainly take place
in January, says the Pittsburg 7ele-
graph. Certainly, of course It will.
Men will swear off their bad habits on
the first, and then resumption of them
will take place few days after.-P Phila-
delphia Chronicle Herald
AN exchange says, Kind words are
better than gold" Well, they may be
for some purposes, but when you want
to choke offa bill collector with heavy
under jaw, COLDS the best. Such men
don't run to sentiment much Bridge
port Standard.
The Buffalo Eapress appears to appre-
ciate the true philosophy of holiday.
1t says: "a holiday is a breathless
and awkard halt for five minutes, leav-
ing your business to get SO far ahead of
you that you can't catch up with it un-
til it is time for the next one"
How many. man cocks up his
weather eye and looks longingly down
into the dim vista of clothing store
and sighs sadly to think that he is not q
savage whose ambition can be ham
strung with red and green horse
blanket for an overcoat.-Mc GregorN Neps.
PAssANANTE tried to account for his
murderous attack on King Humbert by
saying that che didn't like kings
He will find sympathy in this dislike
for kings from those who have bet on
four of them while the other fellow held
four aces.-Bradford Breeze.
The question which now agitates the
mind of the young man Of the period
is, whether he will buy an amethyst
ring worth $1.75 for Christmas present
for his best girl, or put her off with a
fifteen cent diary for 1879. The present
outlook is favorable to the diary
Rome Sentinel.
A WAGON drove down the street the
other day, and ON its sides were painted
the words Aerated Bread.n A young
man from the country stood on the side.
walk and admired it. Suddenly be
spoke up and said toa friend Aerated
bread Say, is that some kind of wind
puddin' f'-Cleveland Herald.
THE average man will sit passive in 8
BARRIERS chair and unmurmuringly sub,
NIT to having his countenance veneered
with soap-suds and thumped with wad
of hog bristles, but if his wife should
accidently splatter him with a dish
cloth, all the recording angels in the
land couldn't do justice to his remarks
: Ionkers Gazette.
"DoEs machinery rob the laborer2' p
inquiries james Richardson in Scribnc,
for November. Let him ask the maj
who was caught in the running gear O
planning mill and got away only b,
, surrendering an arm, luxuriant seal
, of hair and twenty-four-dollar suit o
clothes, and he'll tell him that it does
-Rockland Courier.
In shoe store: "Too small,n b
, says; "they hurt" "HurtT' reptile
the artist bitterly; "hurt? They can
7 hurt. I made them myself from meas
4 urements / took myself, and they mus
} be roomy fit" But they do hurt
s /" How in Erebus do you know anythin
3 about it? Are you shoemaker WIS
: experience have you had, anyhowp-
a French Paper.
D A TEXAS family attended the circr
: at Sherman the other day. The hui
i. band sold load of wood for one doIla
S and the wife jar of butter for or
e dollar and twenty-five cents; then the
y were seventy-fye cents short, but tt
e father pawned his boots, and barefot
: led the way to the splendor sof the aren
IS -Erohange.
!, THERE lives in Franklin County,
); G., a man forty-nine years old, WI
. never heard sermon preached, new,
. read chapter in the Bible, never fire
3 a gun and never saw a white man ma
! ried.--Nelo York Herald. There is
. man in Hillsdale County, Mich, wi
y = never saw horse, never heard com
y y song, never read newspaper paragrap
Is never saw boat and never spoke to
~ woman. He is deaf, dumb and bin
u poor man.-Free Press.
= DIR. BARTON, of Tivoii, has habit
4 i talking to himself when riding alol
=. the road. On certain occasion, viii
70 70 indulging in this eccentric habit, he W
a. met by friend and thus accoste,
az az Hello, Doctorl What the deuce a
" " you talking to yourself fort" The Dc
y tor pulled up his horse and replie,