davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
Conldn,t Behave Herself.

A Saratoga correspondent overheard
two young ladies talking, and this is
what they said:
"WelI, Pm going home tomorrow"
"What for, pray P''
Because I can't behave myself"
swell, out with it, Jennie. What have
you been doingP
"Lots of things"
'Well, give us the first"
"You know Frank Kennedy, Nell?"
'aThat soft, simpering fellow that al
ways tells you how charming you look p
Exactly. This morning 1 saw him
coming, and made up my mind to take
him down. put my diamond brooch
in the chair, pin upwards, and asked him
to sit down"
"He sat, of course, and what then ?'
'He jumped up and yelled, 'Oh, my
-, whats the troubleP 1 asked.
Nothing in particular, only thought of
an engagement at this very moment;
you must excuse me- And off he went
and, would you believe it, Nell, the
brooch was sticking to him."
''That was awful, Jennie" and the two
girls giggled together for five minutes.
Nell broke the spell by demanding:
"What nextP
'Why, you see, was talking with that
young sprig of a clergyman, the Rev.
Tom Parsons. We had nearly talked
each other to death, when as luck would
have it, he made some remark about
mosquitoes. I was on native heath at
once, and began to tell him of my expe-
rience at Rockaway. Did they not bite
verv hard p incurred the Rev. Thomas.
7 wish, Mr.. Parsons,' said |, you could
see my legs and judge for yourself"
''That was a horrid speech, Jennie.
How could you say such thingr
"Why, Nell, it popped out before 1
knew it."
"And what did Mr.. Parsons sayP
"He blushed clean to the eyes, and ]
ran away"
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
What is the Bible Llkei

It is like a large, beautiful tree, which
hears sweet fruit for those who are hun
ery. and affords shelter and shade for
pilgrims on their way to the kingdom Of
heaven.
1t is like cabinet of jewels and pre-
cious stones, which are not only to be
looked at and admired, but used and
worn.
1t is like a telescope, that brings dis
tant objects and far off things of the
world very near, SO that we can see
something of their beauty and impor-
lance
1t is like a treasure-house, a store
house, for all sorts of valuable and useful
things, and which are to be had without
money and without price.
It is ike a deep, broad, calm-towing
river. the banks of which are green and
fiowery, where birds sing and lambs play,
and dear little children are loving and
happy
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

A WoMAN's IDEA OF KISsING.-What
an absurd idea it is in man to ask lady
to kiss him, Just as if the senseless being
thought the poor little trembling creature
were going todo it. The idea of a man
asking for thing so easily obtainedl |
Why it is ridiculous and a man with
the least particle of brains would hoot
at the idea. She'd say "no" till dOoms-
day. And you poor unbeliever, would
forego the happiness of drawing nectar
from the rosebud mouth, simply because
YOU were ignorant enough to ask for wnat
You might have taken. There are ten
thousand ways to kiss girl without ask
ing the pleasure. Direct her attention
to something on the table; ask for book
YOU know to be there, and while she is
there. 90 with the effected purpose of
helping her to look for it; be particular to
pet to her left side-do you need more
telling? If you do, you do not deserve
the kiss YOU might so gracefully have
taken. A man who would ask kiss of
a fair maiden ought to be tarred and
feathered, as a cTaven-hearted monster.
Don't YOU do it-don't for goodness sake
ask the girls to kiss you. Kiss them If
YOU want to, but do it like a gentleman.
kiss them if you can. Yesl and forever
after exist under the ban of some fair
feminine's displeasure, and righteous IN
dignation, that you wouldn't have incur
red in your sane senses for the world.
Yes, Miss Calico, that peroration is all
very well, but perhaps we know better
from experience. Possibly Miss Calico
will call us a coward.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

THE OLD PAIR OF GLovEs.-There is a
great field of reflection in even such a
trife as pair of old gloves. We turned
up, by accident, the other day, white
pair, well soiled, that had seen much ser
vice in our younger days; and, oh! how
theyispoke to us through our memory
of scenes long past, but still touching in
their "reminiscences! There they were,
all torn and shrivelled up, but how very
elegant In their minuteness. What
dances had they not gone through :?
dances now forgotten, not only in figure
but alTlost by name. What gentle fin
gers had they not pressed? ?-some now
In the grave, and some playing the curls
ofthelr grandchildren. What waists had
they not affectionately clasped while the
plilse, leaped madly at the glorious priv
tleee?-Taists that, at this moment, two
pair Of arms would scarcely be ableto en-
brace. Well, we'll every age has its own
follies and enjoyments, and pair of old
gloves is an excellent teacher of that
moral lesson.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

pm 'aving a change of air" as Mr..
jenkins said, when he put on a new wig.
When does a lawyer work like a
horse? When he draws a conveyance.
Men are often governed by the chin
in choosing a wife, and many of them
are governed by it ever afterward.
The following lines were sung at a col
ored camp-meeting in Berks county; "a
floating down de narrow stream! D! sin
is milk, religion cream. Sing Glory hal
lelujahF'
"A Dutchman about to make jour
nev to his fatherland, and wishing to say
goodbye" to a friend, extended his
hand and said: ''Weu, off don't come
back, hullo."
Baron Anderson, the late judge, on
being asked to give his opinion as to the
proper length of a sermon, replied:
Twenty minutes, with leaning to side
of mercy"
They say the trumpet-players are
doomed to short lives. We doubt it; we
have known men to blow their own
trumpets necessarily, and achieve a good
Troublesome old age.
One of the lady clerks in the Interio,
Department being told that she must
pronounce "Schurz" like "shirts" replied.
fIf he is Shirts we girls are under
shirts"
A clergyman in Providence boasts that
he baptized twenty-eight persons in six
teen minutes, and Buffalo editor says
he would like to see him at a sheep
washing.
Hearing that Mr.. G. F. Train now lives
on a piece of dried apple day, the Buff
falo Express inquiries with intense feeling,
"Are our dried apples to be wasted in
this manner P
With a national cat show, he'll con-
troversy and a session Of the legis-
lature at one time, there must be strain
upon the minds of the unhappy beans
who inhabit Boston.
Il wish I might die" said a sentiment
tai maid, as she stood rubbing the shOul-
der of her dress with benzine; and yet
the very next time he came, she let
him lay his head in the very same spot.
A minister did a wedding ceremony
cup brown" the other day when he mar
ried Mr.. David L. Brown, brown hair
ed man, clothed In brown suiting, to Miss
Minnie Brown, a brown-eyed maiden,
likewise dressed in brown.
A poet weighing 100 pounds, yearns
''to tWitter as a bird on some lone spray"
When she gets on a spray and begins to
twitter there is going to be an item for
the local paper, unless the spray is as
thick as an underground gas pipe.
A little boy asked his mother to talk
to him, and say something funny. "How
can l, y she asked, don't you see I am
busy making these pies?' "We1 you
might say, Charlie won't you have pie?
That would be funny for you"
'Who's your pastor, my dearT asked
a good lady from the country, addressing
her daughter, who had been living in the
city for several months. Really, moth
er, 1 hardly know. 1 never saw him.
He was away on vacation last summer,
and on his lecturing tour during the win
fer. 1 may get acquainted with him
next fall y
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
FASHION NOTES.


The new grenadines have stripes and
howers of velvet.
A new dress protector has been intro
duced-''the Balayeuse,"
japanese buttons in gold and black are
among the latest novelties.
Embroidered or fringed ribbon, will be
used to trim summer fabrics.
The Plastron Vestseontinues in favor
for dinner and evening toilets.
Triple Bertha capes are much in vogue
for spring salts, and are very pretty for
young misses
Colored swansdown for trimming
wraps of the same shade are among the
recent importations.
India cashmere for outdoor wraps and
dresses is very stylish, and will be quite
the rage this season.
White muslin dresses for house-wear,
made after the Princess fashion, will be
worn through the summer.
Decorative art is rapidly gaining in IA
vor. Paint your old jugs, and cut flowers
out of wall paper, pasting them on and
adding a coat of Varnish, and you will
not be behind the times. Ordinary tin
pie-plates treated in this manner make
very pretty traps, and card tables and
flower stands can be made to simulate
lovely Japanese inlaid affairs.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
"A colored man living in New York

"A colored man living in New York,
having admired a colored widow living
in the next block above, but being afraid
to come out boldly and reveal his passion,
went to a white man of his acquaintance,
the other day, and requested him to
write the lady letter asking her hand
in marriage. The friend wrote, telling
the widow in a few brief lines that the
size of her feet was the talk of the neigh
borhood, and asking her if she could not
pare them down little. The name of
the colored man was signed, and he was
to call on her on Sunday night for an an
swer. The writer of the letter met the
niger limping along the street, and
asked him what the widow said. The
man showed him a scratched nose, a
lame leg and a spot on his scalp where a
handful of wool had been violently
ierked out, and answered in solemn
tones, "She didn't say muffin, and 1 didn't
stay dar morn minute"
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

OLD DRYAsDUsT.-Magliab the cell
ebrated librarian OF Florence, lived, ate,
drank and slept among his books; he
lived in the most sequestered and phllo-
sophical manner, scarcely ever leaving
the city. His house was but one contin-
ued pile of books; his lower rooms were
crowded with shem, not only along the
wainscot. but in piles to considerable
hight, and so spread on the floor that
there was not the least place for sitting
down, much less for walking, except a
long narrow passage leading from one
room to the other The porch of this
house was, in the same manner, every
where stuffed with books, as far as tn
projecting awning would secure them
from the rain. The staircase was lined
all the way up with library furniture, as
were all the upper rooms. Magliabechl
generally shut himself up all the day,
and opened his doors in the evening to
the men of letters who came to converse
with him. He was negligent in his per-
son, and was usually dressed in black,
with waist coat reaching to mis- knees.
His cloak, which was also black, served
him for morning gown in the day, and
for bed-clothes at night; it was generally
much patched, in consequence of the
holes he burnt in it. He wore a large
hat and Florentine band round his
neck. On one arm he carried pan, in
which was a constant fire for warming
his hands, and his clothes bore evidence
of their often being too nearly connect
ed with it. His linen he usually wore
until it fell to pieces. He always slept
on his books; bound volumes served him
for mattress, those in boards for pill
low, and he covered himself with such
as were merely stitched, throwing his
cloak over all. His sole diet was eggs,
bread and water. The Grand Duke of
Florence, Cosmo II, to whom Magliabe-
chi was librarian, once prevailed on him
to take up his residencein the ducal pal
ace; but he quilted it four months after
ward, and returned to his own house;
indeed, though he'rarely stirred out, yet
he had such an aversion to everything
that looked like restraint, that the Grand
Duke dispensed with his personal attend
ance, and always sent him his orders in
writing.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

The mayor of small village OF
France, having occasion to give a pass
port to distinguished parsonage in his
neighborhood who was blind of an eye,
was in great embarrassment on coming to
the description of his person. Fearful of
offending the good man, he adopted the
following ingenious expedient for avoid
ing the mention of his deformity. He
wrote, "Black eyes, one of which is
absent"
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
PEv IN WIceIN SAYS:

One Of the best remedies for Catarrh, nay, the
best remedy we have found in G lifetime Of suner-
ing, IS SANFORDS RADICAL CURE 1t ts not
unpleasant to take through the nostrils ana tnere
IN Inhalation. Il clears the head and threat SO
thoToughlY that, taken each morning on rising.
there are no unpleasant secretOns ana no olsagTee
able hacking during the entire day, but an unpre-
cedented cearness OF voice and respiratory organs
-Reu. j. T. Higgins IN Dorchester CAiGSSJ 0eGic0la'
Each package contains Dr. sanfords Improved
Inhaiing Tnbe with full directions for use In al
cases Price, S1.OO. For sale'by all Wholesale and
Retail Druggists and Dealers throughout the United
States and Canadas. WEEKS q POTTER. General
Agents nnd wholesale Druggists. Boston, Mass.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
Tribute 70 Woman.

The following beautiful tribute to wo-
man was written several years ago. 1t
occurs in tale of touching interest en-
titled EaThe Broken Heart"-itS author
DR.. F. J. Stratton:
"Oh, the priceless value of the love of
a pure woman Gold cannot purchase a
gem so preciousl Titles and honor con-
fer upon the heart no such serene happi-
ness. In our darkest moments, when
disappointment and ingratitude, with
corroding care gather thick around, and
even the gaunt form of poverty mensces
with his skefeton fingers, it CLEANS
around the soul with an angels smile.
Time cannot mar its bTilliancy; distance
but strengthens its influence, bolts and
bars connot limit its progress; it follows
the prisoner into his dark cell, and sweet
ems the home morsel that appeases his
hunger, and in the silence of midnight
it plays around his heart, and in his
dreams he folds to his bosom the form of
her who loves on still, though the world
has turned coldly from him. The couch
made by the hand of the loved one is
soft to the weary limbs of the sick suf-
ferer, and the potion administered by the
same hands loses half its bitterness.
The pillow carefully adjusted by her
brings repose to the fevered brain, and
her words of kind encouragement sur
vive the sinking spirit. 1t would almost
seem that God, compassionating woman's
first great frailty, had planted this jewel
in her breast, whose heavenlike infu-
ence should cast into forgetfulness mans
remembrance of the fall, by building up
in his heart another Eden where peren-
NAL flowers forever bloom and crystal
waters gush from exhaustless fountains.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

Public squares are great blessing to the com
munity We can say the same of DR.. Bulls Baby
Syrup, it is the best remedy for the cure OF all di
seases Babyhood has to encounter. Price only 25
cents. 1t
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

1t is computed that in the year 1877
there were ten million COWS kept for
dairy purposes in this country, which, at
$45 per head, were worth $45O,000,000
The land needed for their support repre-
sents S900,000,000 more, and the capital
invested in teams, dairy implements, etc,
$10O,0O0,0O0 making a grand total of ST.
45O,0OO00O invested in this single indus
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
GREAnY AEEIcrEn.

Esssrs. J. o. BUcoTsh q Co., De1rDer: Gentlemen,
Il take pleasure IN recommending SAEFORDS
RADICAL CURE FOR CATARRH 70 al Who are
afflicted with this disease. wEs greatly afflicted
with Il for long tine, and cured II with two bot
ties Of the above CURE. About year Afterwards
was again taken with Catarrh quite severely and
Immediately sent for another bottle, which nxed
me ali right giving me relief from the nrst oose.
claimed for IT and more too. Wishing you success
in its Introduction, I am very truly yours;
Denver Oct 4 1s-5 OF Smith Doll.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
TpIEn EVERYTHINE-

1Esssrs. j. o. BoacortA d Co, Dezuer, COL: Gels-
flegnen, i have used SANF0RDS RADICAL
CURE FOR CATARRH, and Il has given perfect
satisfaction. have tried almost every thing. and
It is the only thing that has given me relief l
therefore take pleasure in recommending Us use
TO all afflicted with CatETrh OF any kind, and o4er
this as my testimony TO its benefits.
Very truly, W. DECKER
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

Children can be relieved of wind collie and acid
ity of the stomach on which three-fourths ftheir
ills depend, by the use of DR.. Smiths Syrup for
Children. It has none of the bad after effects of
opium, so commonly used in paregOric and sOOth-
ing syrups, but removes the exciting cause of the
child's malady restoring the bowels and digestive
organs to a healthy condition Sold by druggists
at % cents a bottle. Contains no opium or any Of
its preparations 1t
To know what man is, it is but nee
essary to know what company he keeps;
what persons and things he has chosen
to be familiar with, and as his familiar
ity with them has been greater or less,
so it is certain that he bears more or less
perfectly their image, whether good or
evil. He who walketh with wise men
shall be wise, and the companion Of
fools be destroyed.
High living cannot be INDUCED in without dis
agreeable consequences. Il you feel that your
blood is out of order use DR.. Bulls Blood Mixture.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

New USE FOR SOUR MILK.-A new in
dustry has been started in Mansfield,
Mass, It is no less than the manufacture
of iewelry out Of sour milk. This seems
a strange anomaly, but it is fact. The
milk comes in the shape of curd, from
butter and cheese-making counties in
New York, and looks, upon its arrival,
a good deal like popped corn; but before
it leaves the shop it undergoes a wonder
full change, and receives the name of
African coral. The secret of making it
up is carefully guarded, but it is certain
that il has to be heated very hot, during
which ooloring matter is introduced, fol-
lowed by very heavy pressure. some
of it is colored black and called jet, while
some appears as celluloid. 1t makes very
handsome jewelry, and is made into all
kinds and styles known in the trade.
"A renowned New Yo-k clergyman
lately preached rather a long sermon
from the text 'Thou art weighed III iIe iIie
balance and found wanting" Ai'er tIlo
congregation had listened about an hour,
some began to get weary ana Weuo ouV
others soon followed, greatly TO the an
novance of the minister. Another per-
son started, whereupon the parsOn stop
ned in his sermon, and said, "lhat is
right, gentlemen, as fast as you are
weighed, pass outP He continued Ills
sermon at some length after that, but no
ene disturbed him by leaving.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
snPEY AEEucTE.

m eastooyEA & Co., Dezps, Col: Geztlemez,-
r,S:U..ts5 y. M a felloW-feeling for those afflicted
,sh Sstsrrh wish 70 Id my testimony IN behalf
~ - e sEFORDfS RADICAL CURE FoE CATARRH.
TtSe been sorely afflicted with this fearful disease
51- four wears, and have tried every known remedy
1Tithout avail, until bought bottle OF the above
CURE from you, which gave me almost instant re.
lief. It being constitutional as well as local
remedy believe it 10 be all that 3 claimed for il
q Radical Cure for CatarTh.
Very truly yours, WI. AMETTVK
Denver, Sept. g. IS6 With Jensou. Bliss q Co.
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19
SANFORD'S
RADICAL CURE
For CATARRH
INSTANTLY RELIEVES.


5000 FEET ABOVE TIE sen. SEA:
iSoS-in testimonials are fToIn rs a.. Z.
O. i,osvoR. 4 Co. Denver, Col "a - a. i-ts1iivT
crs5sI z~-~vfErs They rCpoTL lnpISS ~ stS-
is ssIes and universal satis1 On 10 Os1SE
alseese y : - ~ me fonoE1ng gentlemen Es among
fbefr besr cir!Zc1Ss
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

The Canandaigua IN. " Times says:
"Mention was made last week in the col
umns of the Times of the arrest o, James
Mansfield, ona charge of incest. Yester-
day being the day for the examination
before Justice Hemenway, the following
details were broughtto light: From the
afidavits made by the family, 1t seems
dificnlt TO find in the annals of crime so
shocking an instance of depraylty rs has
existed in the acts Of this old man, he
heinz nearly So years OF age. There are
tbreS GIRLS. aged respectively Is, 10, and
II years. all sisters, and children Of this
in6uman father, who, by threats and
Free against their desires, were made
the victims of his cruel lust, as occasion
and opportunity gave him power to use
his authority. He would under pretext
of showing them sights, or by promises
of presents, decoy them TO convenient
places, and there by force and threats of
violence, compel them to submit to his
brutal purposes and to conceal his dia-
bolical act from the public. The oldest
girl gave birth, eighteen months ago to
a child, whose physical deformity WIN
render it charge so long asst may lye
while the bright, happy faces ot the
Younger sisters will mature to woman
hood, forever carrying with them the
curse of fathers wrong,
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-19

IN HdII CUuu6yJ ny . q III'1I1 2
name of William Bowman, was thrown
away in the Apalache mountains, North
Carolina, when an infant, and was found
bv an old bear and adopted as a cub.
At the age of ten years he was captured,
tied hand and foot, and then his captors
found out that he could not talk, nor
could he be persuaded to take any food
but milk, which he sucked from a bottle,
showing that he lived solely by the nurs-
ing of the bear. Bowman is now far
mer near Omega, and any one doubling
tbe truth of this statement can have 1t
verified by seeing him.
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1878-03-22
II EP A.

FL colega ciuilizador (anti) de Pom
ce, mortiicado sin duda porque con-
signamos que no habia dlcho una pa
labra sobre ell ftusto suceso de la pa
cificacion de Cuba. nos regala el IT,
tulo de uhr0m0nt0n0s. ell de renidos
con toda idea dc progreso, ell de pre-
suntuosos, etc. Nos tiencn sin cui-
dado esos epitetos y su desprecio, y
sole aguardamos yer como aceptan
el otros nuestra fraternal invitacion
del domingo para esaber d que ate
nernOS.
Tambien iaserta un communicate
de un tai d. Heraclio Gerardino y
Acosta, co-firmante del communicate
alcallista de marras, muy conocido
Ell su casa, Ell que no Sc refuta NADIA
de cuanto dijimos en- nuestro nume-
ro del s, sino que granel Sc pro-
tesla contra las verdades por nos
otros consignadas, y Sc nos lanzan
insultos Ell vez de razones y Sc nos
acusa de versatilidad, todo 10 cual
NADIA tiene que yer con ell fondo de
la question que Sc ventlla.
Respecto 4 nuestra versatilidad,
no tenemos mas que decir que desa-
fiamos i nuestros adversarios q que