Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-09-20
f U N :!

CROOKING HIS ELBOW.-A select par
ty was highly entertained last evening by
the precious four year old of the host.
The youngster attracted universal atten-
ton by the singular movement of his ell
bow, His aunt resolved to ascertain what
the little chap was up to, and in answer to
question, he said:
SIS cookin' my elbow"
ssWhat are you cooking it for johnny"
81 wants to Diet nice little stawbewey
on my nose"
ssWhy, Johnny, that won't make a
strawberry"
eyes it will, Aunty. cause cook says
papa wouldn't have stawbewey on his
if he did't cook his elbow so much; and 1
dess cook knows.''
His uuestioner's and sire's faces became
radiant, while Johnny continued his per-
Torrance unmolested by interviews.
A brother of Bishop Clarke was one of
the wittiest men alive. It runs in the
family. He once went to see one Of his
parishioners, a lady with a prodigious
family, which had recently been increased.
AS he rose to leave, the lady stopped him
with, s'But you have not seen my last
baby" mo-" he quickly replied, land I
never expect to!' Then he fled.
A lawyer went into barber's shop to
procure wig. In taking the dimensions
= of the lawyers head the barber exclaimed,
ssWhy, how long your head is, STRIP
s'Yes," replied the legal gentleman, 1--WE
lawyers must have long heads" The bar
Der proceeded about his vocation, but at
length exclaimed: ''Why. sir, your head
is as thick as it is long!"
Why was it that Robinson Cruso?-CSn-
cSaaati Saturday Night. On account of the
arrival of Good Friday, perhays.-Norris-
tOaUo Herald.
It was because he was the only rooster
on the island.
The following is the true copy of sign
upon an academy for teaching in one of
the Western States Freeman & Hugs,
School Teachers. Freeman teaches the
boys and Hugs the girls.''
eve had short cake for tea," said lit
tie girl to neighbor's boy to whom she
was talking through the fence, $50 did
we," he answed; livery short short it
didn't go round"
The New Orleans "Picayune" broadly
insinuates that Lots wife looked back be-
cause there was woman behind her with
a new bonnet on.
Ten mills make one cent, say the arith-
metics; bnt competition is so strong
among the cotton factories down East that
ten mills don't make cent.
Red is used for danger signals on rail
loads, and always means ''stop." On a
mans nose it ought to give the same warn
ing.
We will say to the young man who
wants to know what is best to live on this
weather, that rich uncle is not bad
thing.
A grocer advertises in the following
terse manner: 'sHams and cigars, smoked
and unsmoked."
A man is obliged to die before his will
amounts to anything, but that of wo-
man is always in force.
A frisky Briton bit his wife's nose off,
and the patient woman testified in court
that she bit it off herself.
Why didn't he eat up the whole desk?
We refer to the anaconda who swallowed
a pigeon whole.
Jack, did you ever enjoy the ecstatic
hiss of counting? You didn't? Then
Won had better get a little gal-an-try.
There is difference in milkmaids; the
milk made in the country is not the same
as the milk made in the city.
Josh Billings says: "There IL no good
substitute for wisdom, but silence il the
hest that has been discovered yet"
Victor Hugo's definition OF paradise:
e.The parents always young and the chill
dren always little.''
Snoring is now politely described as in
dNlging in sheet music.
The Hindoo widow is the only one that |
cramates. The others remate.