Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1878-12-18
Wit and Wisdom.

SoLILoQUY by child OF the Oneida Com
munity; "Thus far and no father"
"BREpRES," said darkey in a prayer
meeting, :" feel s if | could talk more
good in five minutes dan | could do in a
year ~
brilliant aud impulsive people," said
lecturer on physiognomy " have black eyes;
or, if they don't have 'em, they're apt to get
EN-, if they're too impulsive."
A CLERGYMAN recently aroused his sleepy
audience by asserting in the most positive
manner that, Notwithstanding the hard
times the wages of sin have not been cut
down one iota."
any dear julia" said one pretty girl to
another, " can you make up your mind to
marry that odious Mr.. Snuff ?" Why, my
dear Mary" replied Julia, " | believe could
take him at pinch :"
The colored brother in Virginia church
Just hit the nail on the head when he prayed
at the close of white brothers sermon,
Lord, bress de brudder to whom we has
listened to so patiently"
A LITTLE girl asked minister, Do you
think my father will go to heaven 2" why,
yes, my child. Why do you ask ?" "Well,
because if he don't have his own way there
he won't stay long, was thinking"
TEACHER: "Cau you multiply together
concrete numbers ?" (The class appear un-
certain) Teacher "What will be the
product of forty apples multiplied by six
pounds of beef ?" Small boy, triumphantly,
Mince pies p
Nor to be eluded A man may elude
disagreeable creditor for long while
sometimes, but there is one thing in this
uncertain vale of tears he can't dodge. When
a sneeze has business with fellow it always
finds him at home"
A NoBLEMAN, who is in the habit of
speaking to soldiers in an affable manner,
was much amused lately when guardsman
said to him. in hearty and genial way, 81
like you, my lord there's nothing of the
gentleman about you"
RoBINsoN (after long whist bout at the
club :" It's awfullylate, Brown. What will
you say to your wife ?" Brown Gn whis-
peri " Oh, shan't say much, you know
Good-morning, DEAR or something O. that
sort. "Shell say the rest"
"WHAr is the best remedy" asked a
preacher of shrewd observer, " for an in
attentive audience ?" "Give them some
thing to attend to-" was the significant re-
ply. Hungry sheep will look up to the
TACK II lhcic 10 nay III
DR.. ADAM CLARK, who had strong aver
sion to pork, was called upon to say grace
at dinner, where the principal dish was roast
pig. lie is reported to have said, 80 Lord,
If thou canst bless under the gospel what
thou didst curse under the law, bless this
pig"
MINNIE tried TO catch chicken, but the
mother biddy flew at her and pecked her un-
mercifully. Mamma ran to see what was
the matter, and the little girl explained it
in this wise " Just tried to catch that lit
tie chicken, and the old hen opened her nose
at me-
A LOWELL, Mass, firm recently sent
lot of bills West for collection. The list
came back with the result noted against
each name, one being marked, dead"
Three months after the same bill got into
new lot that was forwarded, and when the
list came back the name was marked, "Still
dead"
"PAPA, me has been baptized, amt me2"
asked little three-year-old. " Yes, dear"
"Then me won't have to be baptized again2"
" No but can you remember anything about
being baptized?" 81 dess can" "Well,
what did the minister do TO you ?" He
showed up my sleeve, and stuck knife in
my arm"
A GENTLEMAN was surprised to see his
little daughter bring home from the Sunday
school library grave treatise on Back
sliding My child" said he, this is too
old for you you can't make anything out of
it," 8" know it, papa" was the reply, " but
thought could when took it; thought
it would teach me how to slide backward"
AN English nobleman once sent his stupid
son to Rowland Hill, in order that he might
be educated. With him, he sent a note say
ing, OF his hopeful son, " am confident he
has talents, but they rehidden in napkin"
The eccentric but shrewd divine, after keep
ing the boy few weeks under his care, re-
turned him to his father with the following
laconic and pointed message; 81 have shaken
the napkin at all corners, and found nothing
in it,"-Jomnai Of Education.