The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-08-06
FINE CUT.

Two wldOwers were once coHdoliny
together On the recent bereavement of
their wives. One If them exclaimed
with q sigh: "Well nav bewail NV
loss. for / hal so few differences with
my dear deceased that the last day of
my marriage was rs happy rs the first, ="
Whats de- time % dsy, ole omen p
said colored couDtrymsn to Aunt
Milly Yesterday. trying I" poke fun u,
the brass chain that held her front
door kew arUuud that old LADY,
neck. ''Lnk at lie town clock, chile.
OATS built for pr folks"
Mr.. Tapenthred isn't in. l see." said
an old shopper to u clerk in attend
ance. Nom. he's at home to-day" IL
suppose he's got nothing new" '.Yes'm.
he has; he got pneum,nia." You
don. say so; what are YOU getting u
yard for monia. now!
A man out West is bein. described
as being 50 tall that he requires 4 lad
der to shave himself. The same indi.
vidual never trouble. h,> wife to- sit up
for him when he is out late at night
for he can put his arm down the chin
ney and uhbolt the street door.
"Who was the doubling disciple p
asked n Sunday school teacher.
Peter" promptly replied the smart
bad boy. mo, Thomas" said the
teacher. Then what 10 people al.
ways say 'Petered cut for, asked the
smart bad boy.--Ha,rk~w.
Dentist Ia old lady al"ut purchas.
ing some false teeth: For mastica-
ton. my dear madlam. they can only
be surpassed BY nature herself" "Old
lady: ID. laws. doctor! l d"n't care
nothing about the mlS,icaiion, it can
only chaw with en-"
A waiter Mt one IF the Atlantic ho-
tels. a Dane. conver>es with the guests
in Eve European languages hut un-
less he can carry plate Of soup with
out inmrr.ins his thumbs two inches
in the liquid. his education Is far from
complete.
Winnie Ream is chiseling the gov
eminent out Of $4,000 under the
guise Of a statute o: dear obi Farrarut.
He his represented as saving, We've
met the eIemy AMI he sours At least
he has a very Winnie gari>h expression.
.Hev. Tommy" said a five-vear
oil urchin To another in the street.
we've moved in.u Il house thew call
fats, n Yer don't have ter 90 up stairs.
hut ride up in the ven,ilaiur. n mother
SENDS all her washing 10 the foundry.
I-C.mmcrcisi B.i.tia.
Dat in Kansas recently the local
philhal mcni.. s.~ieiy opened it, cnacerl
with "Hars. App"lo strikes the lyre.
He must have hit him a tremendous
welt. as We notice there w:,> no issue
IF the l'caI paper the following week
-Hs"t.ye.
"Wher- Is Mr.. F." inquired an "l,l
lady. 'Oh. in some part Of Australia.
| believe. replied her companion.
We'll. .icar me- exclaimed the de-
lighted odd soul: Il am 81 glad he's ia
Australia. for he can bring me rome
an ostrich feather"
"iou never saw such happy lot of
people is We had here Yesterday. said
4 landlord in Indiana tn newly ar
rived guest; there wcre thirteen
couples If EN-" What! thirteen
couples just married ?" .'Oh. mo-. sir |,
thirteen c,'uplv> just divorced"
"Qnitc c"rrect. my dear; the hi
;ives of South Africa do no, require
clothes To- keep them warm, becau>r
they are Hot teniots; don't YOU see !?
CnIies are different sort Of people al
together. so are the people of Chilli
Muggins says he never tried bark
but once. ami then it was :" mixed
with bite, it was questionable whether
it did him much good II was recom-
mendel by gardener as a cure far All
appetite fur other peoples fruit.
The LOWER WALK OF LITERATURE.
Housenaid Ito jadei literary man. who
has just finished hard DAYS work y.
''Oh. IL vnu are not busy. sir. would
you mind tn Look over INV har,icle for
The Family 'EraId Punch.
Bridget: ''Woi's the most genteel
thing for a lady. rs lady. tn cnrrv in
he street. Nora?" Cook Sure. thin.
some prefers ilrae-volume b,"k
but | prefers a roll If music myself
quite careless and ai>y like"
"Ah." said a conceited Young par
son. 81 have this afternoon been preach
ing to congregation Of a->es." Then
that was the reason YOU always called
them beloced bret,nsn." replied strong
minded lady.
One who has realized thus solilo- |
luizes; mo living wife knows her !
Own value. 1t is only when railroad
company comes to he sued that hus-
hand begins to learn what a treasure !
he has lost"
"A nice saddle Of mutton to day :"
mo, l would rs lief eat dirt" replied !
the captain. "Well." said the Hoosier.
''its according to the way a man has
been raised. Now l would rather eat
mutton"
A fashion item says that white Turk
sh tOweling is used for morning wrap
pers. 1t would be good thing If the
'ame material was oftener made close
fitting. with soap and water trimmings.
A visitor. who wanted his boots
said to host. ON retiring
Il put NV boots outside the door Of
he rOom." to which the host naivelv
eplied. "All right-nobody'll touch
en-"
"Who's that gentleman walking
rifh Mics Flint ?" said a wa0 In his