The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1878-02-21
Xarte9g.

There is such thing as retributive justice In
the world. A man has been discovered in the act
of trying to cheat life insurance company.
Nobody can tell how many disputes for the
front side of the bed have been settled by moving
the bedstead into the centre of the room.
Many man will sit on the river bank andI wait
patiently two hours for nibbla. andIthink 1t fun,
who will scold his wife, pinch his children and
introduce young volcano into his household, If
he has to wait five minutes for his breakfast In
spite of this fact, Beecher says he doesn't believe
in eternal punishment
They tell story of an Alabama clergyman, who
remarked conhdentially to a parishioner that
when he married his wife twenty years before,
she was pretty enough to eat "and" he added
1--WE often regretted since that didn't eat her,
only supposed from mere force of habit, she'd
have disagreed with me-"
Benevolent clergyman to Joe: "Why are you
standing there, little man| "Cause I've got no.
where's to go to-" where are your father and
mother?" Dunno: gone away ever so long,"
"POor little fellow. Well, well can you answer
this question: When your father and mother
forsake you who is it that will take you up2"
"The perliceman."
A nervous man, whose life was made miserable
by the Gathering of two blacksmiths, prevailed
on each of them to remove by the offer of lib.
eral pecuniary compensation. When the money
was paid down, he kindly inquired what neigh.
borhood they intended to remove to. "Why, sir"
replied Jack, with grin on his face TON Smith
moves to my shop and move to his"
A person met widow who is distinguished as
having been four times widow, and has now
again entered the bonds of Tuatrimony. Said the
friend. ~ believe I once had the pleasure Of
dining with you in New York" "When% in.
quired the fair stranger. "In 1856" he replied.
"Yes" she said rehectively, lit may have been so,
but had forgotten It, You see" she added ut
was two or three husbands ago."
The literary gentleman of certain we'll known
journal was riding up town the other evening af-
ter dinner with party of Convivial friends at the
Hotel Brunswick, Not being particularly pleased
with the funeral gait of the horses, he delibeF-
ately pulled the strap, stopped the stage, and
bringing the drivers ear close to the Office in the
roof, remarked, in tones that were broken with
frequent hiccough, "DriVer, propel your vehicle
with such remarkable velocity as to render sur
rounding obstacles entirely obliVious." he could
notunderstand why his fellow passengers laughed
A Scotch farmer once took his wife to see the
wonders Of the microscope. The various curiosi-
ties seemed to please the woman very well till the
animslcul@ professed TOY be in drop of water
were shown off, These seemed to poor Janet not
80 pleasant sight as the Others She sat patient
ly, however, till the water tigers magnifed to the
size Of twelve feet appeared on the sheet fighting
with their usual ierocity. Janet now arose In
great trepldation, and cried:
"Come ava, John"
"sit still, woman, and see the show" said john
"see the show, man What wud come O. us If
the aWfu like brutes wud break out o. the water?"
Kentucky preacher rose to speak and opened
the Bible, The first verse that met his eye hap
pened to be, 1.-THE voice of the turtle shall be
heard in the land" Brethren" said he, "at frst
sight one would not see much in this text but
on little consideration, you will see there's q
great deal in 1t. Now, you all know what a turtle
is. If you've been along by pond, you have
seen them on log summing themselves. Now, 1t
is said, the voice Of the turtle shall be heard in
the land. But the turtle hasn't any voice that
anybody ever heard so II must be the noise he
makes In plunging off the log into the water
Hence, we must conclude that immersion viii be-
come universal"