Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1878-08-08
Humorous Items.

Humorous Items.
A nare-holder-A plow.
;, Tho first tanner-The sun.
Evening prayers-Burglars.
A soft's nap-A noodle asleep.
An ice thing "A polar expedition.
In writing, millers use houry language.
A "clear" Cd e--Jumpinf bat- bond.
The early swimmer catches the cramp.
What is home without moth there2
Bootless attempt-Trying to go bare
foot.
To make man feel sheepish- slam"
him.
War is inevitable. Marriages still con-
tinue.
A fool and his fathers money is soon
parted.
Wigs, in the language of flowers, are
lielocks.
The path OF duty-Through the Gus.
tom house.
Railroad aeposc--T Turning out the SUI
perintendent.
The forerunners , plauge--A mos
quito's legs.
Motto for hot nights-Learn to lay bare
and to wait.
A: case Of suspended animation-A
man with braces IN.
If a man "means business" he should
have business means.
The man isn't very hungry who AYERS
~that hc'is above board.
Sitting Bull has evidently taken to In
dianeering.-LoaoeW Courier.
Why didn't "Japhet in Search of a
Father''go to Bagdad7
The soda fountains motto should be,
Business sizz business"
Motto for new hotels-Charityc overeth
q multitude of boarders.
When married men complain of being
in hot water at home, it turns out half
the time it's scold.
,AWest Hill man calls his horse s.Time, ~
because whom heais s:.untiedp waits
for mo man." TO- z "a r
The! discrepancy between pepper and
good7ssil is: One is ground fine, and the
other is fine ground. =. Is
Take:at least one good look at acocoa-
nut young man, before, you have your
head nlowed and sandpapered. {: s.5 s..sss
= The difference between gooseand some
men is that-a goose never gets into hot
water until it's e!ead.G1:- i:
It's no wonder, as critic recently re-
marked, that 1.-THE Raven savors Of an
Gent Greece. Its; Poe-made
Aggravating: To think of good joke
after getting to bed, and not able to re-
cal word of it next morning.
A minion of the law seized Fanny
Davenport's tights at: Scranton The other
day. There was nothing in them at the
time, however.
There are beautiful warm soda springs
in Colorado. and people who go bathing
in them at once exclaim:. 20! but this is
soda-licious." -:
Birds are entitled to justice. When a
man is indulging i'll a frolic, to say he is
tout on lark" is a libel on that bird.
He is leally out on a swallow.
Who hath woe who hath sorrow ?
Well, that Nevada man who traded q
mule for wife feels about as red around
the eyes as any of 'em.
An independence (Kan.) woman wants
q divorce because she was chlorofermed
and carried off and married to her hus-
band two or three days before she knew
it.
The Detroit Free Press presents the
question, Are, watermeloQs healthy e.
Much cexonAs mo oho,,fl go X [Ixhs
teeth and enterprise of the old gentle.
mans dog.
The Troy Times asks: "Should the
President pass out would Samuel J. POP
in?" The chances are that he would not
he has proved himself too much of pop.
Inlay.
SIS this airtight?' inquired man in &
hardware store, as he examined i sstoTe
.'No, sir" replied the CLERK; <air >neve,
gets tight" He lost a customer.
A Chicago chap advertises for several
steady girls to help on pantaloons. And
an envious scribe says that fellow who
can't help on his own pantaloons ought
to be ashamed to want girls to do it.
A man was killed. by a circular saw
and IN his pbituly fnqtice it was stated
that hes"wass good citizen, an upright
Christian, and an ardent patriot, but OF
Limited knowledge in regard to circu'a,
| saws"
A Florida negro mlstook- a mule for 8
ghost and poked it with stick. The
verdict recites that he came to his death
by using too short a stick III probing the
"nknowable for evidence of future ex
istence.
At 1 o'clock a. m, Tuesday the moor
passed close enough 70 Jupiter to enabl.
the man IN the former to hail the latter
get correct latitude and longitude, ex
change newspapers, beg chew Of fine
cut, and pass on.
A little girl was reproved fer playing
out doors with boys, and informed that
being seven years old, she was "too big
for that now" But. with all imagina.
| BILE innocence, she replied, "'Why, the
bigger we grow the better,wellike EN-,
A prisoner was arranged to plead an
indictment fJr burglary. He said he
wasn't ready to plead, and didn't care to
plead either way, adding, "IIl tell you
judge just how the matter. hangs; If
don't get bail Tomorrow morning I'm
going to plead guilty, and if I do l Amt
Seeg
A subscriber asks 'sHow to sca1d a
goose" There are several methods
Perhaps the besc way would be to wait
until some evening when the goose comes
round to serenade your daughter. and
while he is in the middle Of 6 Sweet nv