Connecticut western news., 1878-03-21
WIT AND WISDOM.

Never strike a mustache when it's down..
 It is sad moment for man when he finds that his hair is so thin that he is unable to hold pen back of his ear.
 -" How to keep an umbrella" is the title of newspaper article. We know. Dig hole sixteen feet down and bury it.
 A sporting man hearing 8 story about horse that eats meat, remarks that he had seen many a one running for stake.
 The Bible says "Of all things, wisdom IS profitable to man." That's so. A man never calls his wife 8 bald headed old woman but once. -.r
 Out in California, the land of the glorious climate, the first six months of the year they pray for rain, the remain ing six months they run away from floods.
 The old maxim, "Be chaste and you will be happy" is contradicted point blank by Black Hills man, who was recently chased ten miles by party of redskins.
 Many of the leading journals are proposing plans for stimulating business and very oddly, none of them have sug- gested that advertising is a good blister for that kind of complaint.
 -" Yer go'n spend every cent what I Io,,s, al, otOOlrinob an thar ain't nothin' to eat in the house," is what @ drunken man was telling bar ber's pole when 8 policeman arrested him the other day.
 When they get telephones in the hotels it will refresh the weary traveller who is sent up to the fourth floor to sit down quietly and impart to the clerk down in tho office his private opinion of that functionary's conduct. t
 Evils in the journey of life are like the hills which alarm travellers upon their road they both appear great at distance, but when we approach them we find that they are far less insurmounta- ble than when we had conceived them.
 -" The girls of our day are very badly educated" said one of the members of 8 committee on education to the Bishop of Gloucester. That cannot be denied" retorted hls lordship. However, there is one consolation, the boys will never find it out"
 One of the ministers called Victor Emmanuel's attention to the fact that he was distributing decorations rather lav- ishly. 'Ah," said the King, there are two things that you must never refuse when solicited-bouquets to women and crosses to men," Fy. .'.
 A man who had filed 8 petition for divorce was informed by his counsel that his wife had filed ''cross petition" as lawyers call it. "A cross petition p exclaimed the husband, "that's just like her. She never did good natured thing in her ife." ...-. .-..
 -" Will you always trust me, dear est ?" he asked, looking down into her great blue eyes with unspeakable affec- tion. She was a sales woman ln an up- town shirt store, and she told him busi- ness was business, and he'd have to pay cash every time. tH
 A married acquaintance says his wife won't let him belong to club, be- cause, she says, it would take him out of an evening, when he ought to stay at home and make club to her. A woman who could make joke on such subject ought to be dubbed.
 Let every dawn of morning be to you as the beginning of life, and every setting sun be to you as it's close then let every one of these short lives leave its record of some kindly thing done for others, some godly strength or knowledge gained for yourself.
 -" Ten dimes make one dollar" said the schoolmaster. Now go on, SIT. Ten dollars make one-whatp' "They make one mighty glad these times," re- piled the boy, and the teacher, who hadn't got his last months salary yet, concluded the boy was about right.
 There is seldom line of glory writ ten upon the earth's face but line of suffering runs parallel with 1t, and they that read the lustrous syllables of the one, and stop not to decipher the worn inscription of the other, get the lesser half of the lesson earth has to give.
 A Californian was once taking fif- teen cent dinner in the Miners Restau- rant in San Franclsco when he called loudly to the waiter, '' Do you consider this good beef? ?" Certainly cattle came all the way from Texas. If they hadn't been good beef they couldn't have stood the trip"
 A young gentleman was once teacher of Sabbath school class, in which was bright colored boy. The lesson was about the beams, etc., in the eye. Teacher-ssI read here about a mote (addressing the black boy), ''Do you know what mote is ?' John (chuckling) -" "'Clar I don't, Tess it's nigger."