The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-10-22
FINE CUT.
Take Small Chews, for It Swells.

palace car will not.
E ''What Is the next thing to hen
; siealiug% Why, a cock robin, to be
. sure.
, The haPpiest paper in the United
States is an indianapolis paper. 1t
! has but one "want."
! The extreme heat Of misery il a
small b., with a new pair of boots
amt no mud puddle.
When printer can't find can. A.
why ought he To use b? Because il
is the next thing to il.
I The principal objection to female
BARRIERS is that they're too apt to turn
their customers head.
IL your !urs ever Get worn down
short. whip them with forty rods.
TOR forty rods Is said to make fur
long.
The only religious features noticeable
in kearney'S lectures is when he saws:
I'VE will take up u collection"
A young man admiring the delicate
fabrics tor collars in milliner's store.
wished he WAS Emperor If all the
ruches.
"Have YOU many fish in your bag ?"
asked person of a fisherman. YES.
there's good eel in it," was the
rather slippery reply.
Profanity in Texas is against the
law 500 worth each time. They
think of enforcing the law fur u month
and paving the national debt.
'knotted damasses are seen among
new goods" Fashion item. This
probably refers tn those clerks who
part their hair in the middle.
Henry Wat,erson poe,icalIv saws,
that ice is water gone to Sleep 1t
has every opportunity to go To sleep
while Henry Wat,erson is around.
Brother, why don't you ask the
l'rother To pray?' Because, this
amt no place for practical juklng.
That man Is the president oi u gas
company"
An editor wellknown in the
vicinity Of IvingtOn. N. Y. very
religi"us sort Of u chap. awoke in
church last Sunday aud yelled out:
d it. more copy"
"What is conscience ?" asked a
school master of his class. "An in
ward monitor" replied bright little
fellow. "And what's a monitor ?"
"One Of the iron clads."
Evea during the heated term two Of
our Western contemporaries got into
II grammatical dispute. lis singular
how men could he in such q mood.
while the heat is intense.
A person who was sent to prison for
marrying two wives, excused himself
BY saving that when he had one she
fought him, but when he got two they
fought each other.
A Detroit fnrist Is getting up q
language Of vegetables. II YOU hit a
man with u turnip that means: IL
don't think much Of your relatives
wav back for seven generations"
viii YOU dake soAeding" said a
German teetotaler to q friend while
standing near tavern. Il don't care
it | d." was the reply. "Vell. den,
lie; Us take walk" said the German.
brave men. wise men, true men! :"
shouts an exchange, 'tO the front u
Thank Won. thank you kindly. Now,
1T the usher will please show us right .
up to the orchestra chair.
Mrs. Spinks." observed boarler
to his Iandlady. 1.-THE equal .ljn.t.
medt Of this establishment cnuld 10
more safely secured If there was less
hair IN the hash and more in the
1t is supposed that the season
graduates Of female colleges are called
bachelors Of art instead Ut maids of
art. is that the former il a higher de-
gree. At least the maids are all after
the bachelors.
The disguised Britisher who con-
GUIDED that the American national
tune was the spit-toon. is reviving
tor young Yankees. He
has got as far as ITS true It's spittv
lis, tits true"
An Illinois Judge has decided that
I wash bill can not be Collected. and
my experienced wash woman will tell
him he ia right nine times out Of ten,
which is probably better than the
average If his decisions.
The few men who are still earnest
advocates Of the theory that lager
beer dues not mtoxicaie. still cling
Eondly to the good old custom Of
winding the clock ut two O'clock in
The morning with the hair brush.
A gentleman in Hinsdale has pair
II pantaloons which were worn By one
II his ancestors. hundred years ag,,.
They were made Of home spun cloth.
except the seat. which Is Of thick
Gather. II is inferred from this that
he original owner was book sgent.
A clergyman said that he once
visited lady Of his parish who had
INST lost her husband in order to offer
consolation, and upon her earnest
inquiries as to the reunion Of
antilles in heaven, he strongly assert
II his belief in that fact, and when she
lsked with anxiety whether any time
must elapse befnre friends would be
bile to find each other in the next
sorld. lie emphatically said: "No!
hcv will he united at once" He was
of the happiness Of being
bile To offer the relief Of such faith,
shen she broke in upon his medi,a-
ions by exclsiming sadly 4: well.
lis first wife has got him then by this
ime."