The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-06-29
VARIETY.

The man who is honest from policy needs as
much watching hive of bees just ready to
\ swarm.
What is 4 communist? One who has yearnings
For equal divisions of unequal earnings;
IdIer, or burglar, or both, he is willing
70 fork out his penny and pocket your shlli-
ings
..Tbey saw" remarked the Rev. MIR. Hutch
inson, at the Clinton QOwaJ colored church last
. Sunday =. that Beecher has knocked the bottom
out Of hell But it's all the worse, brethren, all
the worse-for hell is only made so much deep
er."
Colonel Ingersons doctrine of no hell reminds
the Hartford COltrant of an old hummer who was
asked mis- opinion of an infdel lecture '' L don t
know he said - I'd rather 90 to hell than 60
nowhere
Another amendment to \. II. Stephens metric
bill.
10 smells make snifter.
snifters make one whOOp'em-up.
10 whOoP-'em ups make one stone-blind
100 stone-bnGs make one jm-am
Paper, sir?'' asked the newsboy. 'sNo,
never read, - was the blunt reply. 80 Ill, boys,
come here called out, the gamn, here's man
as is practiein' for the iury,'' 81. Louis Post.
Elizabeth Allen, in poem, asks: &" Oh, will
low, why forever weep?' Elizabeth is little
mistaken as to the facts 1t isn't the willow
that weeps, 1t is the boy who dances under the
Timber end Ofit.-BurHngtOR HOlckeye
.Whar was de sun dis mornin'? ?'' asks Rev.
Mr.. Jasper of Virginia. 50 Why, dat side o. my
house. Whar is it now? Why, dis side O. nv
house darfur de must ha' got roun' 1t, an
it couldn't do dat standin' still. Wherfur de
sun moves, sab! -
Hotel guest, on retiring g l want to get up
at eight O'Clock > FaeetiOus night clerk: Have
not got one, sir" GUEST: Not got what"
Clerk: 9 \ potato clock. '-Er.
WHAT has Christianity ever done for man?''
asked Bob Ingersoll one day on Il train.
. Well,'' responded a quiet old lady, % it has
prevented Mr. Ingersoll from being Governor of
Illinois,
4 great many of us are like the old salt who
said, when recounting his adventures, that he
began the world with nothing, and by hard
work had succeeded in holding his own ever
since. There are others who have managed
to hold their own and other peoples too.
A SQUAD of recruits were drawn up in line one
day at Debreezin, in Hungary, when the Cor
poral suddenly exclaimed:
:. Here, you Kovacs, what's that medal you We
got dangling there your breast?' Kovacs
blushed, cast down his eyes, and replied, in a
small voice: - Please, sir, it's the medal our
cow won at the cattle show"
This is a boys composition on girls, but he
eFlueDlly Uau 4 Iudu uSdu OL young cuOuIu-
ers. What he learned by shrewd observation
others have learned by experience. He says
- Girls is the only folks that bas their own way
every time. Girls is of several thousand kinds
and sometimes one girl can be like several thou
sand other girls if she wants to do anything
This is all L know about girls, and father says
the less | know about them the better off am. >
While Tom Corwin a member of the Gen.
eral Assembly of the State OF Ohio, he brought
in bill for the abolition of public punishment
at the whipping post. He made speech there
on, to which an elderly member re piled some
what as follows:
s. Mr.. Speaker, the gentleman is not so old as
l am, and has never seen so much Of the practical
operation of the system of punishment which be
desires to abolish. When lived in Connecticut,
if fellow stole horse, or cut up any rustics, we
used to tie him up, and give him a real good
ng; and he always cleared right out, and
er saw anything more of him. 1t is the
best ny of getting rid of rogues that ever was
Tried Ind without expense to the State Cor
an r5se in reply: % Mr.. Speaker, have been
often ruzzled to account for the vast immigration
iEl4 .onnecticut to the West !; but the gentleman
.ts. 2 has explained to my entire satisfaction =
me bill passed without further discussion