Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1878-02-15
Items Of Interest.

III money is uBhtJ uVOld lt--lb ouBht
to know better.
oman wants but little here below"
and lie generally gets it, too.
Riches will never take wings and fly
away, if you sprinkle little economy
on its tail.
A man recently knocked down an ele-
plant, lion and a rhinoceros. He was
an auctioneer,
Horace Greeley's estate, which was
inventoried at $206, 900 shortly after his
death, Yields little more than 500, 900 on
the final settlement.
"Do they miss you at homer he
asked, as she folded and put away let
ter she had Just received from her
mother. "Never," she answered; "they
always call me sis. "
MY DEAR" asked Mrs. j of her
husband, on coming home from church
the other day, "what was the sweetest
thing you saw in bonnets ?" "The
ladies' faces, " was the bland reply.
"This is meat and drink, said the
sailor, who sat on the gunwhale slipping
his grog-following his remark by tumb-
ling backward into the water. "Aye,
and there's washing and lodging" said
his messmate.
Young Green: "Hot, isn't it?" Young
lady 0ired of the subject: $50 you
said just now." Y. G. (nervously):
eyes, but don't you think it has got
hotter ?" Young lady gives young
Green up as bad job.
A family of four persons has been
poisoned at New Orleans, and Mrs.
Lambert, one of it's members, aged
sixty-two years, fatally, by eating oys-
ters fried in corn meal with which
arsenic had been mixed by Mrs. Lam
bert's son-in-law to kill rats.
Coming back from a little trip to
Havre Partisan bewaiIs his misfortune
to his railway companion. "One thing
is certain; you won't catch me on any
more OF these pleasure excursions. !
lost my wife and my cane" And then
he adds with tears in his voice, I" A new
cane, too"
A steer in Piermont, n. H., lost its
life in singular waya few days ago. Its
owner had chopped a hole through the
ice in his trough to allow the cattle to
drink, and as the water was low the
steer had to force its nose to the bottom.
In so doing it caught its horns under
the ice, and after it had drunk its fill
the water ran in and drowned it.
A funny incident recently happened
at a sumptuous dinner giving bya Welsh
society in liverpool. An old stonemason
of eighty years was called upon to enter
tain the company with song, for which
he was noted, but instead of giving the
one desired, he launched forth into
dismal, wailing measure, composed some
sixty years before upon the occasion OF
a street murder. This refreshing pro-
duction contained no less than eighty
verses, aud the droning bum bum of the
melody went on for over half an hour
before the end was reached.
The late Commodore Hollins was once
sailing with an American commodore,
who used often to insult his inferior
officers and apologize to them afterward.
After such an insult had been offered to
him Holins was called to the cabin OF
the commodore, who said: 81 am u
man of very passionate nature and
have treated you as [ should not have
done, and now I wish to apologize.
Hollins replied: "I too, am passion
ate man, but I notice, Commodore, that
[ never get into passion with my SUI
perior officers, always with those beneath
me-"
BEAUTIES OF ORTHoGRAPHY.
A pretty deer is dear to me,
A hare with downy hair
! A hart I love with all my heart,
But hardly love bear.
'Tis plain that not one take plane
To have pair of pears,
Although rake may take rake
To tear away the tares.
Soils RAJ raise thyme, time RACES all,
And through the whole hole wears.
A scribe in writing ri hit may write
To Wright and still be wrong;
For write and rite are neither right,
And don't to right belong.
Beer often brings bier to man,
Coughing a coffin brings,
And 90 much ale will make us all,
Az well as other things.
The person lies who says he lies
When he is not reclining
Aud when consumptive folks decline,
They all decline declining.
Qusils do not quail before storm,
bow will not bow before it;
We cannot rein the rain at ALL
No earthly power reigns DER it,
The dyer dyes awhile, then dies
TO dye he's always trying;
Until upon his dying bed
He thinks no more of dyeng.
A son of Mars mars many q son,
= All Deys must have their days;
And every knight should pray each night
To Him who weighs his ways
'Tis meet that man should mete out meat
To feed ones fortunes sum-
The fair should fare on love alone,
Else one cannot be won.
A lass alas, is sometimes false;
OF faults maid is made;
Her waist is but barren waste
, Though stayed she is not staid.
The springs shoot forth each spring, ant
shoots,
Shoot forward one and all
; Though summer kills the flowers, it leaves
The leaves to fall in fal.
] would story here commence,
But you might find it stale;
So we'll suppose that Wa have reached
The tail-end of our tale.
Tit for Tat.
: Would-be wits are apt to have tn,
{ tables turned on them. At dinner il
honor of Nick Denton, one of the stat