Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1878-08-08
hUMOR OF THE HOUR.

H.
Many nickle makes muckle. le.-BrookIyn
Argus.
Bathing subsequently, at this season.
Camden Post.
General uneasiness commands the hostile
red men.-POst.
Never put new wine into old tramps.-N.
Y. Republican.
AS a twig is bent the boy is inclined.-N.
O. Picayune.
Advice to statesmen by the Chicago Times:
Do right-don't write.
A mercantile paradox-A stationery ped
dler.-Lowell Courier.
To the average Athenian the dearest spot
on earth is the Greece spot
The wise doctor reads it thus: physician,
heel thyself "-Keokuk Con.
What man must have his glass before he
can do days work A glazier.
A marked change-A silver quarter with
hole in it.-Norristow Herald.
The collegian's version-All's we'll that
commences well.-Buffalo Express.
New maple sugar and spring chickens are
growing old together. Chicago Journal.
May not tuning fork be appropriately
termed ''pitch" fork.-Boston Transcript
How to make match safe-Soak the head
of the match in water.-Norristown Herald.
The pickpocket's motto is like name made
immortal by Dickens, because it's ''Pick
quick"
1t is said singing will cure sea-sickness.
The feelings of the sailors are not to be con-
sulted.-Picayune.
Herkimer county rejoices in four-eyed
pig Pigs in these parts have but one L.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The butcher who sells ox-tails for SOUP
and calves heads for dinner, undoubtedly
makes both ends meat.
The Philadelphia Bulletin suggests that
graduates of female colleges be given the
title of ''Spinster of Arts.
The latest emanation of the tlowery and
''votary of Pugil."
Paris has new paper named the balloon,
and the New York Graphic asks "Why not
call it the Fly Paper?"
| If your foot is asleep, do not be alarmed;
the poet tells us that the sole is not dead that
slumbers. Times.
| The Russian hymn "Kalloff Yerdog' wils
| now be submitted for the "Watch ON the
Rhine New York Graphic.
Over at the Exposition they are laying up
something for rainy day-not an umbrella,
but Paris-hau Whitehall Times.
! A Connecticut woman was appointed con-
stable the other day, and the first thing she
said was '.Now shall catch man"
| Mathematics. Freshman at board. Pro-
fessor-"Mr. E. what have you got?. T..
(nnocently) got stuck !"--1ale
Record.
In these demoralizing times how long will
it be before a phonograph is detected in ut
tering forged notes.-Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
A man should always know who is at the
other end of the wire before he lets himself
out over a telephone.-New Orleans Plea
yune.
An exchange prints an article 'entitled
"Where Gold is Almost Unknown" So there
are two places in that condition, eh?-Nor-
ristown Herald.
The most despotic government cannot SO
abridge free speech as to prevent men from
saving ''it's nice day.-Turner's Fall Re-
porter.
Ia il not right that Beacons6eld should
claim the lions share ?-Buffalo Express.
What, and leave Russia only bear pittance!
Graphic.
The strain of exultation in the voice OF the
MOSQUITO is now explained. There is strike
in the mountaineering factory at Preston'-
Courier Journal.
"Gold closed firm. Financial Exehangs:
That's what George said when he gave NATL
da the engagement bracelet and fastened it on
her aarm.-N. Y. Express.
The Graphic has discovered ''the cradle OF
. communism" Please rock the baby:
troit Free Press. Give US rock and Weh
do it with pleasure. re.-Graphic.
, Baltimore is a crafty town; she has 7OO
schooners in the oyster trade alone:-free
Press. Pshaw Boston has 7,OOO scnoonels
3 in the beer trade.-Boston Globe.
s.see here, wife, you indulge that boy too
!. much. He Is perfect mule" "Oh, nus
band. please don't accuse our boy OF having
an ass for father" The old man was silent
The Graphic makes this cowardly remark
..When Emerson recklessly wrote Every
natural action is grateful had he ever seer
!, An angry woman throw stone at cow!
a DENocRAT1C devotion to civil service re
: form begins to be illustrated in the scTamDI
A. Y~HA m