The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1878-05-30

So lay your bright face, little dimpled-cheeket
child,
Against the dear face that is peaceful and mild
Despite the deep wrinkles which tells us tha
And trouble have one time been grandmamma':
share,
As grandma makes sunshine for baby eacf
day,
SO baby must help keep the shadows away,
Nursery for June.
DEACON PEPER's PHONOGKAPH
brother Williams in Puck
The Deacon visited New York re.
Gently, and wandered into an estab.
lishment where several phonographs
were On exhibition and for sale. lie
became much interested in the instru.
ment and he spoke INTO the mouth.
piece of one of the machines and heard
his own words ground out with start
ling distinctness, he manifested his
astonishment in one prolonged
W-h-e-w"
Then a happy thought struck him.
He usually made brief address, on
Friday evenings, and he suddenly con.
ceived the idea ofspeaking his piece in
. phonograph, purchasing the inven.
tion and surprising the brethren and
sisters at the next meeting. The idea
was carried into execution to some
extent. The Deacon charged the pho.
nograph with an appropriate address,
and while he was bargaining with the
owner of the instrument, in another
part of the room, q rough, bushy-
whiskered individual, attaired in cor.
duroy pantaloons and a speckeled
shirt, slipped in unobserved and howl.
ed lot of stuff into the same machine.
The Deacon paid for and carried of
the phonograph, entirely ignorant OF
the frightfnl sentences injected into
1t by the rough person. who, as SUBJ
sequent events proved, was the intel
lectual driver of mule team, and not
very choice in his language.
The next day was Friday, and in
the evening the Deacon marched into
the church with his phonOgraph under
his arm, and his face Illuminated with
q radient smile.
Ny iriends,' he commenced, Il
have little surprise for you. do
not intend to address you this even
ing. l have brought a substitute to
speak for me. This little instrument
have here (holding up the phono-
graphO will now address you briefly
on your duty to the church and to suf-
fering humanity.
Then the Deacon, with smile that
extended from ear to ear, gave the
crank q couple of turns, and all the
color faded from his face as the pho
nograph thundered forth:
Git up there! you dashed old Grip
pie! Whoa, Sal! you blind"
1t was awful.
The hair of the brother in the front
pews stood straight up, sister in the
back part of the house tainted dead
away, and the sexton yelled 'fire!'
sThere-is-some- terrible - mis-
take-here, gasped the Deacon, after
q few minutes of painful silence. Il
must have turned the crank the wrong
way-or maybe the linen pin is loose,
or the safety valve has lost a screw, or
something And. perspiring at every
pore, the Deacon essayed another turn,
and the machine yelled:
Gee, Bill! Where in the dasba-
ton are you going, you son of mule !!
-Peddi-who-a-a! Blast your eyes !
can't you
The awfulness became more awful.
Three more sisters tainted, several
brothers clapped their hats on their
heads and their fingers in their ears,
and started for the door, shouting 'pp-
licep and the sexton hallooed 'mur;
der, while the Deacon wildly clutched
the phonograph by theneck and chok-
ed IL until it was black in the face, and
its eyes bulged out an inch
But twas of no use. The internal
arrangements of the machine were
evidently demoraliZed, and the cylin-
der continued to revolve, grinding out
the most frightfuI language ever heard
outside ofa political ward convention /;
and when the audience were saluted
with I'il knock your dashed brains
out, you long-eared-' they didn't
wait for the remainder of the address,
but got up as one man-and one wo-
man-and made dash for the door
in q decidedly panic-stricken manner.
The Deacon, with his face the color of
. smallpox flag, threw the phono-
graph over the pulpit, sprang after it,
and kicked it down the aisle into the
street, where the sexton smashed it
with an axe, just as the deacon's ad-
dress began to issue from its mouth
piece, and then placed it under a hy-
drant and let stream of water run
on it all night.
A committee was appointed OIL the
spot to investigate what appeared to
be the deacon's highly improper and
painful conduct, and the well-meaning
person has concluded to move West
and grow up with the country.
RUsSIA,s GREAT STATESMEN.
Governor Curtin, once Minister to
the Court of ST Petersburg, ls writing
an interesting article on Russia for
the Christian Union. The statesmen n