The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-04-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

MATTERS OF interest-Coupons.
FLOUR seeds-Kernels of wheat.
/ 4 FIGHTING book-The dictionary.
| STILL Manufacturing whisky.
| A SIGN of spring "To let"
STILL waters run for Is cents glass.
A FULL May sure-Thirty .one days.
CAN a growing red nose be called
beak-coming
The croquet expert: This is the
maiden all for lawn.
The best perfumery is not always
scent from Cologne.
Now is the time to put your hens
under bonds with a coop on.
1T is to be hoped it will be Hew
and cry" with the timber thieves.
IF horses chewed tobacco there would
be more horse-spittles than there are at
present.
WHEN a man has no bills against him
he feels as though he belonged to the
nobility.
ENGLAND may be "mistress of the
Cs," but she has never yet been able to
fairly master the HIS.
How DOTH the little frog pipe up
His sad and tuneful lay;
And from each swamp AID hidden bog,
He yelleth What dye soy?"
BIERsTADT, the artist, once proposed
to Dr. Mary Walker. He proposed
that she get out of his studio, and she
agreed.
IT cost S177, 444.74 to supply our
troops with tobacco last year.-EE. But
it was not enough to give them a pipe O.
eace.-Phiiadellohia Bulletin.
A sERvANT. GIRL, writing a letter,
asked her master if the next month had
come in yet; he laughed. "Well,"
said she, "what / mean is, has the last
month gone out yet?"
GRACE GREENWOOD was standing in a
Washington horse-car, when a sudden
start of the car threw her over into
gentleman's lap, when she said, ST beg
pardon, sir but you see am Lap
lander"
AN old black woman, reciting her
"speerunce, said she had been to
heaven. "Did you see any of de col
ored ladies dar ?" asked a young sister.
"Oh, you get out; you s'pose 1 went
in de kitchen when I was dar?"
A RECKLESS individual propounds this:
"What is the difference between the
present excitement in England and
push-cart ?" Answer: Zone is "war
feeling" and the other is "for wheel
ing" A physician says his recovery is
very doubtful.
chasing some false teeth)-" For masti-
be surpassed by nature herself" Old
lady-"O, laws, doctor / don't care
nothing about the mastication if / can
only chaw with EN-"
CRUMBS FROM THE BREAKFAST TABLE.
A "nobby" thing in boots-corns.
Did you ever see town that hadn't
the best brass band in the State.
Even 10 Cook cannot explain why a
chicken always prefers to be on the other
side of the fence from tramp.
When the poet sang of something that
was strong without hands" he proba-
bly, referred to butter.
A good deal of abuse is being show
cred upon the dollar, but it will never
get lonesome for the want of friends
buzzard or no buzzard.
Forty-seven thousand Canadians have
gone to Europe with the expectation of
getting to be suffers in the Eastern war.
Peter Cooper is not obliged to have
his old clothes dyed and renovated. He
has $10,00O,000 laid by for damp
weather.
Which would you rather: Go to
Wheeling, in Virginia, to Reading or
Eaton, In Pennsylvania, to Warren, in
Ohio, or to Diggin, in California
DIR. Gleason says the surest, quickest
and best means of stopping nose-bleed
is vigorous motion of the jaws. So,
so, ali That accounts for the complaint
being almost exclusively confined to the
whiskered sex.
Political economy strikes snag that
won't bulge sometimes. The bulk of
loaf of bread indicates with unerring
precision the condition of the times. but
the size of tobacco quid never varies.
The talking machine is all very well
IN its way, but will Mr. Edison allow old
Father Time to Jump into the next cent
1ry without making an effort to send
along beefsteak- FOUNDER that will make
uture generations rise up and call hima
BULLY boy?
The Moffett punch may help little,
% be sure, but, if Congress will only en-
vet that original poetry shall be recog-
lized as legal tender at 10 cents per
tanza, this Office will assume the nation
i debt and move into marble building
It once.
The printers on the Philadelphia In
'utrer set up the might before Christ
mas" twenty years ago. and every year
lnce.-Erchange. That is nothing.
We have friend who sat up every night
the year twenty years ago, and has
very year since. He is a night-editor.
The Famine In India.
There ara oksll ----u-l e oo0 nOO