The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-02-07
PASSING SMILES.
'ULL of interest-A long note over

due.
Somebody says it takes apickpocket
to dispurse crowd.
The circulating medium-The spirit
ualist who floats about the room.
A MIRTHFUL person observes that,
after all, the Indian is not SO bad as he is
painted, when he paints himself.
A New YORK barber has parrot
which shouts Next" and thus the
thread of the BARRIERS discourse is not
interrupted.
BOILING hair in solution of tea will
darken it, says an exchange; but some
folks don't like to have their tea dark
ened in that way.
STORIES first heard at mothers knee
are never wholly forgotten-a little
spring that never quite dries up in our
journey through scorching years.
HE that discovers himself till he hath
made himself master of his desires laws
himself open to his own ruin, and makes
himself prisoner to his own tongue.
WHEN tailor observes a man of bad
habits coming into his shop, he can gem
orally see at glance what he's after,
and takes his measures accordingly.
AFTER the declaration: "This is,
perhaps, the first mitten you have re-
ceived, Mr.. Brown?" "But perhaps
the first you have ever given, Miss
Smith"
A WOMAN may change her mind. A
lady in. Cleveland obtained a divorce
from her husband on the ground of
cruel and inhuman treatment, and now
petitions to have the divorce declared
void for the reason that she was mis-
taken.
IT is said that "a wise head properly
| accommodates itself to whatever pillows
the vicissitudes of fortune may place
under it," but there is nothing said by
the author about the head that can ac-
commodate itself to a bed filled with
cracker-crumbs.
WIT is not the produce of study, it
comes almost as unexpectedly on the
speaker as on the hearer; one of the first
principles of it is good temper; the ar
rows of wit ought always to be feathered
with smiles-when they fail in that they
become sarcasm.
SNooK's boy heard him say the other
day that there was money in hens, and
he proceeded to investigate the old mans
poultry-yard. He had gone through
dozen fine specimens when the old gent
descended upon him, and the boy now
wonders if there is balm in Gilead.
WHILE he was counting over the col
lection money on Sunday last the deacon
of Washington church found an old
and faded piece of paper, which being
unfolded, proved to be his own nearly
outlawed note for thirty dollars and in
terest, which the holder, unable to col
lect, had turned into the treasury.
ANDREW JACKSON was accused of bad
spelling, but John Randolph defended
him by declaring that ga man must be
fool who could not spell words more
ways than one" A boy when rebuked
for spelling needle n-e-i-d-l-e, said that
every good needle should have an eye
in it. "Sew it should" responded the
teacher.
THE Rev. John Brown, of Hadding-
ton, was in the habit of proposing on
festive occasions certain young lady
as his toast. Having abandoned the
practice he was asked for reason. "Be-
cause" said he, 81 have toasted her for
sixteen years without making her
Brown, and so have resolved to toast
her no more"
A GENTLEMAN who happens to own a
paddock, and who had tried every effort
and threat in vain to prevent tramps
| from making shortcut through it, was
eventually persuaded to stick up the fol-
lowing notice: "Beggars, Bewarel
Scolopendriums and lypodums planted
here" The effect was marvellous, and
the annoyance ceased.
| A MAN once took a piece of white
cloth to dyer to be dyed black. He
was so pleased with the result that after
while he went back to him with a
piece of back cloth and asked to have
| it dyed white But the dyer answered:
:" A piece of cloth is like a mans rep
utation; it can be dyed black, but you
cannot make it white again"
BURLINGTON Rawkeye: AVicksburg
negro fell from the deck of steamboat
the other day, was sucked under coal
barge, came up in time to catch his
breath before he slid under a raft mile
long, and finally scrambled ashore down
at Warrentown, about seven miles be-
| low, with the remark, No use tryin',
ye kaint drown deep water Baptis' l'
| THE Brewers should to Malta go,
/ The Boobies all to Scilly,
| The Quakers to the Friendly Isles,
| he Furriers to Chilli
| The little snarling, caroling babes
| That break our nightly rest,
| Should be packed off to Babylon,
| To LapIand to Brest.
| From Spithead cooks go DER to Greece,
| And while the Miser waits
| His passage to the Guinea Coast,
| Spendthrifts are in the Straits.
He went to church, and the contribu-
ton box was passed. He had one cent.
He dropped it ON the floor. The box
passed on. Everybody saw the supposed
unintentional occurrence. When the
folks get down to pray, mean man gets
down for penny-penny saved. When
folks get up to sing, m. m. (mean MANI
joins in loudly, ga charge to keep 1
have" evidently referring to the penny.
A BANGOR man who had paid partic-
ular attention to teaching his children
politeness had surprising experience of
the results few days ago. An old
friend had dropped in to dinner, whom
the children had never seen. Pork
steak was served for dinner, of which
one of them was very fond, and as the
friend was helped to a goodly slice the
little fellow spoke: cts a very hard
case to sit here and see the largest piece
of lean go into strangers plate"