Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-07-19
F. II n :.

A QUESTION OF LAW called at Mr..
Lambs to obtain his name for petition
to the City Council for gas lamp upon
our corner. He was sitting in a lower
room, with BABY upon his knee, and Mrs.
Lamb was close by, operating a sewing
machine. They were evidently greatly ex
cited about something. and before had a
chance to state my errand Mrs. Lamb said:
s'Do you know anything about law :"
ga very little," said. 'Why?"
e'I'll t:l you," began Mr.. Lamb.
ssNever mind, Achilles" interrupted
Mrs. Lamb sharply. 81 will present the
facts. Well, you know Mr.. Dobbins, up
the street here ?''
''Mr. Parker Dobbins," said Mr., Lamb.
ssTne first name is not Important said
Mrs. Lamb. "There are no other Dobbin-
ses about here. Well, Mr.. Dobbins has a
fondness for ballooning, and he undertook
to take balloon voyage in balloon of his
own yesterday"
'sIn the morning." said Mr.. Lamb.
ssAchilles!'' said Mrs. Lamb, rebuking
the interruption. s'The balloon arose
swiftly from his garden, and it sailed over
the tops Of the houses until it came imme-
diateTy above our roof. Here it began to
descend, and Mr.. Dobbins threw out
sand-bag which he carried for ballast"
event right down our chimney" said
Mr.. Lamb, jolting the baby upon his knee.
''Don't anticipate me please" exclaimed
Mrs Lamb, in a severe tone. 1.-THE bag
fell into the fue Of our chimney, and the
house was filled with smoke. Mr.. Lamb.
with his usual want Of sense
ssWant of sense, darling ?" How can
you
s'Yes, your want Of sense. mean what
say. Mr.. Lamb dashed thirteen buckets
of water over the kitchen floor, and then
he rushed upstairs and threw two chairs
and wash stand out of the window"
s'As gently as could my love.''
'sNo matter, you threw them. just then
Mrs. Smith, our next door nelghbor, called
and said she had seen the sand-bag enter
our flue, and so we discovered what the
matter was. I determined to try to re-
move the obstruction"
81 determined, too,'' said Lamb.
ssDo be still, Achilles! Mr.. Dobbins,
however, while passing over Magruder's
yard, it seems, became frightened, and
threw out his grabbing iron, think they
call it,
ssGrappling- dearest" interjected
Mr. Lamb.
Wc1 M a
any rate, Magruder's servant girl, Maria,
was in the yard fixing the clothes-line.''
Feeding the pigs, I understand SAID
Mr.. Lamb.
ssAchilles! mind the baby and hush! And
the graphing iron caught in her skirts and
Mr.. Dobbins, it seems, threw out more bal
last, and the next moment Magruders
Maria was carried, screaming, several hun
dred feet in the air."
About as high as the weathercock on
the Baptist steeple,' explained Mr.. Lamb.
s.Never mind him ~ said Mrs. Lamb,
contemptuously. However, Mr.. Dobbins
hearing her cries, let some gas out of the
balloon, and just as it came over our roof
he cut the rope of the grappling-iron and
dropped Magruder's Maria right upon our
chimney, directly over the Aue.''
eve hadn't any idea she was there"
said Mr.. I4am..
s.Pray don't be absurd" replied Mrs.
Lamb. "Of course we were not aware
that she was sitting upon our chimney, for
we were in the kitchen. Achilles here,
with his customary recklessness, insisted
upon blowing the sand bag out of the fue
with half key Of POWDER
"Well, darling, you know You tried to
push it out with brush-handle. and
couldn't"
$50 he placed the powder in the fireplace
and exploded it. The stove and the brick
work. of course were torn to atoms. The
tea-kettle was hurled through the window
and two diSh-pans. a teacup, and a potato
masher hit the door with frightful fOrce.''
'sYou forget that our hired girl was
knocked down with the coal-scnttle," said
Mr.. Lamb.
'sPity it didn't knock you down. Well,
before we had recovered from the shock.
she had seen Magruder's Maria, while sit
ting on our chimney, suddenly rise, turn
nine complete sOmerSetS, and"
Il think if remember rightly she said
eiq7lt somersets. Lucille, dear
80 hush Turn mine somersets and then
fiy off at tangent and fall. Mrs. Smith
said that Magruder's Maria, while turning
around, S6tmtu W NO uuSSiuS SOuoIu1uS
that looked like pillow
"a w-pillow, wasn't it, she said ?"
asked Mr.. Lamb.
you're a goose. Achilles! So we all
rushed out after Mrs. Smith, and mo-
ment later we found Magruder's Maria
curled upon the straw In Black s barn yard
with the sand-bag in her arms. It had
shot out OF the fiue, carried her with it,
and here they both were. Magruder's
Maria was not hurt only breaJhless, for
she had fallen on the straw. We gave her
something to bring her to-"
"a snifter of brandy,'' said Lamb.
ssSnifteri How low and vulgar And
wien she revived we carried her home, and
this morning she sued us for assault and
battery with intent to kill. Do you think
we shall have to suffer ?"
s:Ewell- really, don't know. 1t seems
to me that Dobbins is the actual culprit,
and that he ought to be punished"
ssThat what I said,'' remarked Mr..
Lamb, timidly.
Mrs. Lamb went to him, seized his ear,
and marched him out of the room. | i'm
proved the opportunity to withdraw, and
we got the gas lamp without Lambs sigma
4nre. The case of Magruder's Maria against
Mr.. and Mrs. Achilles Lamb comes up in
Senteml er, and Maria announces her in
fention to carry it to the Supreme Court if
she can't get justice any other wzy.-lMas
.Adeley. st@