The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-05-24
EDUCATION IN UTICA.
What they Teach the Boys and Girls
OF that SANITY City.


Utica Observer.
Our schools are our pride, be-
cause they are progressive. Teach
ers in these days don't move along
in q rut as they did in the era of log
school houses. Our instructors are
quick to utilize the latest scientific
discoveries, and prompt to engraft
into their curriculum of best practi-
cal results. Teachers realize that |
In these days of conundrums, puns
and paragraphing, it is desirable |
that our youth should have q prac-
tical training in this important |
branch of American literature. |
Hence it is that we find classes in |
reading, writing and and punning,
arithmetic, geography and para
graphing in every ward school in
the city. The examinations now
being held furnish abundant proof
of the wisdom that suggested the
adoption of the new branches. The
first class called yesterday was one
in phonetics.
Teacher Master Criswell, how
MANY kinds of phones are there?
Master Criswell-Four.
Teacher-Robert Burdette, name
RObert-Telephone, Phonegraph,
Killophone and Airophone.
Teacher-Correct. Mssser Bailey,
please rise aud extemporize a verse
addressed to spring poets.
Master Bailey:
Lives OF great men all remind you
You can make your lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind you
Tons OF awful wretched rhyme.
Teacher-ThAt will do. Jay Carl
ton, what is the difference between
Alfred Tennyson and tramp2
Jay-One has q hard bed and the
other 8 bard head. -
Teacher-Master Elliot, make q
pun on the sentence: "John Chin g.
man never makes puns."
Master Elliot--Washee say 2
Teacher-Dick Taylor, can you
tell me how many paragraphs Gave
been written on Kate Claxton, who
plays the part of sightless Louise
IN THE Two Orphans Pr ~ H.
Dick-Twenty-fYe thousand -four
hundred and eleven.
TEACHER George pCatlin will
please make another.
George-Whyis Kate Claxton'
divorced husband like March west
err? Because he came In like lioI
and went out like 3 lamb
Teeoher-You can do better than
that, Master George. Seth Spicer
who is the richest man In the UniteC
Seth-Rutherford B. Hayes.
Teacher-Why?
Seth-Beoanse he always has
V to spare.
ssTeaehers-MAster Reway, pleasl
furnish an original eon0ndrum.
Master Reway-What is the diff
ference between Mr.. Smith on AM
day and Mr.. Jones on moving day
Teacher George Bayard, what il
the differencee .@
George-One has q bald head and
the other q hauled bed. s-y
Teacher-Isaac Gregory, rise and
recite on the spur of the moment,
pleasant paragraph on an execution
Isaac-The drop fell, and the hor
rified spectators shuddered As tn
poor girl Bounded into the aig; bu
investigation disclosed the fact tina
abe was Seminary girl, while th,
drop was asgum drop that had gon,
down the wrong way.
Teacher-Master Beebe, conjugat
the verb ITO lie" by Perkins gram
mar.
Master Beebe-T lie, thou hest
TsaeherAThat win do. CecI
Bagnall, how are Republics an,
ward schools successfully govern
ed2
Cecil-Ry good rules.
Teacher-Willie Crehhut, versif
the present Eastern situation.
Willie - egg o.
There was once An Earl called D1sraeli,
And hOaNept for. the fata,of Ismaili:
while his eyeilds were red
tFs The Car pn6ch0d his head.
And sab down on the Ottoman sgaily.
" The examinafion tomorrow wi
be held At Miller street school.