The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-11-28

nome again rather than TO make an eX-.
change.
WHAT" said an interviewer to an,
unpledged candidate, "doy you intend to
do if you are elected ?'' "M goodness
said the poor fellow, "what shall l do if
l am not elected Y'
Now they call Harriet Hosmer a
woman Inventor" Don't believe a
word of It'll Harriet has never invented
woman. Tell that to the Hosmerines.
philadelphia Bulletin.
WHEN Yonkers mosquito alights OH
the line of the Central-Hudson the flag
man displays danger signal, and rail-
road travel is suspended until a fifth
track is laid around the obstruction
Utica Herald.
A SKUNK got into the basement of
Grace Church at Gananoque, Ont, one
evening last week while a prayer-meet-
ing was in progress, and the congregation
was dismissed without waiting for the
benediction,
THE politest man of the time lives in
New Orleans. He went into tobacco
nist's store, bought two cigars and said
courteously to the proprietor, " If you
do not object to the smell of tobacco, ]
will smoke one of these cigars here"
BANK up summer bonnet with vel
vet and feathers, and fur and straw, and
it is Just as good winter bonnet as any
body can make. Then put it on the
back of the hair and let the ears freeze,
and you will be in fashion.-PecRs Sam.
A FELLOW who had been working
dog churn in Wetzel County, for a liv-
ing, was in town the other day and had
got so pigeon-toed at the business that
the calves of his legs wore holes in the
knees of his pants Wheeling Sunday
Leader. s-
THE Boston Advertiser wants to know
the reason why there is no pleasure in
smoking in the dark. We will give the
reason if the Advertiser will promise not
to tell. It is because one cannot enjoy
a smoke until he has ight.-LoiceU
! Courier. ''-- 1901"
CLoTHEsPINs are now shipped to New
| Zealand. The natives use them for ear
rings, but an old chief who had got hold
of one with half-horse power. spring in
its back and hooked it on his nose, was
| looking reund ten minutes afterward for
missionary to kill.
"WHERE are our great men % shrieks
the Camden Post Why, Grant is in
Europe, Tyndal is fddling away on the
prayer gauge in England, Beecher is
getting up a rew lecture, Webb Hayes
is nursing a boil, and we are still here,
still plodding along.-N. o. Times. ..-s.
"WHY don't you spend your money at
homer scolding contemporary howls
at its subscribers. Tush, man, do you
expect their wives to run bar in con-
/ Ill
duties? What is there for them to spend
their money at home for ?-Hdnkeye. d
LAZY people must take heap of COM
fort these cool mornings and no flies to
bother. Why can't some one invent
something to annoy them Detroit Free
Press. No need fog ingenuity there
When the last lean, ghostly mosq.
withdraws his bill come the Janu !
Bills Cincinnati Commercial. g..
The surgeon-in-chief sent for one of
his Junior assistants, who, fastening to
his superior's presence, found him just
sitting down to a superb rosst fowl and
delicious pate. "Ah, Smith," cries
the chief, "have you breakfasted yet?'
"No, DOCTOR" replies the assistant,
radiantly "Then go and get your break
fast and come back; you will have lots
of time"
| KNOWLEDGE. t .+.--
There was man in town, -..
And he was wondrous wise;
He opened up candy shop,
But failed to advertise.
His stock was fresh, his prices low,
And great was his surprise
That, though his prospects seemed most bright
One day an idea struck this man,
| Which pened both his eyes;
His trade improved, his Golfers filled
He'd learned to advertise.-Courier-Journ
ENGLISH midnight modern converse
ton: lawfully jolly party! Rather
baw, I think. Deuced fine woman
talking to Brownl Immensel Grooms
her head we'll. Nice little filly next her.
Yaasl good form. Awful ass that Tomp-
kinsl Dreadful Spoons on the filly;
any tin? Not poney. That's the old
mare in the corner. Frightfull' and so
on to awfully ia ia l'
WHEN Prof. Watson, or some other
professor, discovers a new star, it is tele-
graphed all over the country. But when
an unscientifc gent steps on the slippery
side of pool of frozen water, earesses
the pavement with the back of his head,
and sees millions of new meteors travel
ing at the rate of two billion miles a
second, and whole frmanent of new
stars shooting hither and thither, he
keeps the wonderful discovery secret.
He doesn't banker for newspaper no.