The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-10-19
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
. hast t,me nm record-Lunch time,

The best time on record-Lunch time,
A finished rogue--one at the end of u rope.
Something of u wag-The tip of dogs tan.
The first bush created is of course the eloer
bush. ~
The tramps saw our county house filings on too
much style,
It's not de law dat prevents colorcd men from
boat racing" says Uncle Gabe, tits common
sense"
1t was a pous little Tonica girl That sald;
,.Dood bye bod; we's going to live at La sallc'
An Ohio farmer fed his blackbirds poisoned
corn and James Gray gate the blackbirds' lie
was dead two weeks before they nntangled the
knot. U ri ~
The St. Louis Evening Post announces that
thereafter the O'Clock edition win be published
at 40, as Usual"
The storm has left hardly dam in Northern
Ohio. Mr. Kearney might-but no matter.
A. Ward said of the Mormonsr 'Thcir religion
is singular, but theiriwi are plural"
Ben Butler, 1t is again announced, is coming
TO Illinois, and thoughtful housewives are hiding
their spoons.
Now who objects to the revival Of archery? An
Illinois young lady skilled in archery disabled
two tramps who were trying TO break into the
house. She Drained them with poker
Texas has gone to raising hemp. 1t is mat
ter of sheer retaliation, hemp having raised SO
many Texans. -... kf
An aged citizen Of In Sale having recently
died. the Democrat piously CALCULATES, "Gone to
III IA
say, "Well, you're the first that ever came here
from that place" -
''Old and New Rome" Is the subject of Joaquin
Miller's new lecture. "He'd better be roaming
back to his deserted wife," suggests California
paper.
Since the prohibiiory laws of Maine have
abusted up" the saloons tits noticed that the
drug stores are waxing fat.
An Iowa editor concludes an obituary notice of
deceased COW with these touching lines;
''The fence was bad-the corn was good,
90 h The cows ate moren they orter should"
b The man who pursucs the business of a com
mon thief is a fool. Let him join returning
& hoard or get an Indian agency if
Don't fool with anti-fat A surer way to lose
flesh is to start a meat market and trust every
one that comes along. . 80 .
People who pronounce it snout,
Instead of the more vulgar snoot, go
-Fy Somehow, instead Of saying route,
hA III Say root. - "r . 4. --IsTk
Correspondents say that many of the summer
: resorts are short Of men this season. Would
know wherefore?| The men short them
selves.-NorJistOicn Herdld
-, In reply to 'Glaribcl,",a correspondent, the
Boston GloJe says: "'Yoiir essay is ut hand, but
we cannot use it until we are mere definitely adj
( yised. Your nom de plume suggests rcd hair, and
and we cannot permit any red-haired women tol
write essays for our columns on Domestic Hap
ipincss.'" ~ VII III Rt& ~ Il a
81 hope there cannbals around here, u
said traveller to frontier girl, rs she was mix
ing batch of dough. "There are plenty of'em,
returned she, pouring some corn-meal into the
pan. owe always eat little Indian with our
bread" "
1t is said the presidential party that recently
went down to Richmond on an excursion stop
PED at the best hotel in the city, but soon left it
in disgust on seeing card displaying the
Legend breakfast to s." Hayes understood
the cabalistic figures to mean that for breakfast
he was counted out"
HoHENLONDoN.
In London when the sun was hot,
They mingled in pewter pot .....
A yankee cocktail with q lot
OF Icc-sir, melting rapidly .
But London saw another sight
[Go on, brethren. -Gmph,tc.
Well, we don't mind singing in verse:
But London saw another sight
When the sweat poured till dead of night, |
Commanding Tophets fires to light
The darkness OF each groggery.
Then rushed the boys 70 Seaside hurried,
Then sank the nose in tunblcr buried,
And, sweeter than the cObble shcrried
Deep sank the bright mint jnlcpry.
with fan and niglt-shirt thin arrayed,
Each would-bc sleeper tossed his head
And furious the mosquito played
In fierce and dreadful rcyelry. Et Il
IT'S morning and yet yon lurid sun
Next. -Phdmieiphia Bulletin.
All right, here you are:
IT'S morn, but vet you lurd sun
His daily trip has scarce begun,
When out slides each dry son -of.a-gtu
For his morning sniftcr, hurriedly.
And now the gorgeous orb of day
As through the sky he wends his way
Pours down his fiery rays till they /
These men-are hot, internally.
Again their throats were awfly dry,
They look around, and near they spy
beer hall, into which they fly, | |
And schooners gulp down speedily.
SOILS disappeared and sable Night
Keep il up, l-Cincinnat Times. .
Stand back-now for another:
Soils Disappeared and sable Night
Is shutting out the pale moonlight
And these two bummers on a tight,