davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1878-04-05
llnnlor.

Mover marry n gulwho can he caught
/ four times u day hy setting steel trap
on u street corner.
Josh Billings says, very truly, " You'd
better not know So much, than to
know 50 mGnv things that amt ST."
4 The difference between model wo-
man and a woman model is: 0nc is n
bare possibility, and the other isa naked
\ fact
j II iS SAID of the Chicago banks that
\ thirtvru uut Nf rightrrn arc opposed To
silver, Silver is to bulky to run away
with.
\ Washington woman has applied to
hc appointed constable. dcSpairing
ot ever catching man i'll auy other
way.
Senior is questioned: "What is tho
uame o( that lady to whom YOU are en-
gagged " Senior hlandly responds:
!" Which ono \"
Kate Field remarks, in n note to the
Gmphjc, am not IN the habit of
mindiug myhody's business hut my
OWN lt'shlgh time YOU were, my dear.
Raiaio trpySS
If England does 10 to war with Rus
Isia, and Il lot at the his yet Snarled up
With those Russian names good heay-
ems what volcano for the poor night
editors HdIYN
4 woman will face Il frowning world
and cling 10 the mas SHE loves through
the most bitter adpcrSity, hut she
wouldn't wear 4 hat thrco weeks
behind the style to save tNe govern
mCnt,
wish might die snid u scnti.
mental maid, rs she stood rubbing the
shoulder Of her dress with honzine;
and, yet tGc Very next time he came,
she let him lay his head right in the
same spot.
\ young man Of twenty recently took
to wife Il Pennsylvania widow of fifty,
Ihc sole proprietrcsS Of II couple Of
paving petroleum wells OF him il
may truly hc said that "hc loved
not wisely but two wells
One Of the discoveries mndo hy the
latest Arctic explorers is that the length
of the polar night is l42 days. Nice
pncc, this, to walk come with il girl
New Years cve and find Tint the old
people have locked NJ tho house nna
gone to wntch-mcetng, and won't he
home till after midnight
lie wrote and told her hc would bo
there at eight o'clock in the evening.
concluding his note with the following
couplct
with breath as ewoct ~ roses,
Fhou breath upon me love"
And she cody answered, YOU'D better
not come We had onions in the soup
to-day"
A lady sent II note to n newspaper to
get recipe to cure whooping-cough in
II pair of twins BY mistake u recipe
for picking onions was unconseiously
! inserted, and she received this answer
through the "Answcrs to Correspon-
dents "Mrs. l.. III. II. not too
young, skin them pretty closely, inn
merse in scalding wnter sprinkling
plcntifully with salt and immcrso them
for u week in strong brine.
a Boston girl fell, while dnneing on
New Years night, and broke her arm.
Erchange ller brother should have
taken her partner out and schottsch
head oil. -Hurisbmg Telegraph. We
have read Of better than that, but
| less fatal Hit him on the head II few
times with polka NorristoWn Herald.
/ This would doubtless have the effect OF
putting quadrille.lateral hcnd on tho
poor fellow M Cay Derrick. Waltz
The matter with you iollow's2 Such
puns are enough TO make the strongest
man III Virginia reel. Fuion Times
-
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
Dent Give Up,

a gentleman travelling in the northern
part Of Ireland heard the veices Of
children, and stopped to listen. Find
ing that the sound came from a small
building used as a school house, he drew
near as the door was open. he went in
and listened to the words the boys were
spelling.
One little fellow stood apart, looking
very sad. why does that boy stand
there? asked the gentleman.
oh, he is good for nothing re-
piled the teacher There's nothing in
him. can make nothing Of him. He
is the most stupid boy in the school,
The gentleman was surprised at his
answer. He saw the teacher was 50
stern and rough that the younger and
more timid were nearly crushed. After
a few words to them, placing his hand
on :he head Of the little fellow who
stood apart, he said: One OF these days
you may be a fine scholar. Don't give
up; but try. my boy-try.'
The boys soul was aroused. His
sleeping mind awokc. A new spur
pose was formed. From that hour he
became anxious to excel, and he did
become a fine scholar. 1t was DR..
Adam Clarke. The secret of his success
is worth knowing; Don't give up; but
try, my boy-try.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
The New Tax Bill.

For kissing pretty girl, one dollar.
For kissing homely one, two dol
lars. The. tax is leyied in order to break
up the custom allhog gether, it being re-
garded as a piece Of ine1cusable ab.
surdity.
For every Irritation, ten cents.
For every young man who has more
than one girl, five dollars.
Courting in the back parlor, twenty
five cents.
Courting in romantic places, five dol
lars, and fifty cents for each time there
alter.
Fora a girl giving young man the
mitten, five dollars and cost Of suit.
SeciSg a young lady home from
church, twenty cents.
Failing to see her home, five dollar;
and costs.
For ladies who paint, two dollars
Proceeds TO be devoted to the relief oI
dsconsolate husbands who have been
deceived by outside appearances.
Bachelors over thirty years old. ten
dollars and bauished to Utah.
Each boy baby, fifty cents.
Eaoh Girl baby, ten cents.
Twins, one hundred dollars premium
to be paid out of the funds accruing
from the tax on old bachelors.
Heads Of families of more than
thirteen children. fined a hundred
dollars and sent to Jail.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
Hanging OH.'

One was a parcel boy and the Other
a cash boy, and as they halted under an
awning for a minute the parcel boy
asked:
DO you get the same old wages yet?
Yes, just the same
Haven't you been presented with g
watch or a cane, as token Of esteem'
No not a thing
Don't the boss ever ask yOn up tc
Sunday dinner"
Not a one.'
Never comes around and asks youl
advice about the markets? 2
Never
And hasn't he got daughter to fall
in love with you and commit suicide il
she can not marry you:'
No.
Wei, don't see why you stay there
it must be awful humiiating TO boy oI
your temperament
so it is-its just awful on me, but
Pm hanging on in hopes Of finding five
dollar bill on tho floor and buying all
the rock candy / can eat. Seems as
though / could taste il now-ycum-
good-by. Few people know how we
boys suffer day by day.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

For ten long years Mrs. III. prayed
for her infidel husband. She knew that
the Lord heard aud that heyvss faith.
ful that he aad promised, ubut as yetdid
not come. The thought Of her kind,
lndulgent companion seemed ss tar from
her as when, In the Joy other new found
hope, she had told him how "God SO
loved" and asked him to join her in a
life OF loving service. Yes, the Lord
was leading her gently, that she might
know and do his will. 'Hes % -.
One evening at the church prayer
meeting her heart was more than US
ually burdened, and near the close Of
the service she rose, tinidly, and said:
''For many years, dear friends, 1 have
longed TO ask you to help me pray. 1t
is not customary with US for ladies to
speak in the meeting, and l have feared
to be istrusive, but can forbear no
longer. VIII you pray for my hus-
band:"
Every heart was touched. A good
brother Immediately led in prayer, and
another lookup the petition. Mr.. H.
was well.known and much loved in the
community, and they poured out their
hearts before the Lord, "pleading as one
pleadeth for frlend.r Last of all q
colored brother led in prayer, and IN
humble confidence seemed TO enterin
to the very presence ofJehovah. - 20. =
Just after Mrs. II. had made her re-
quest her husband, as was his custom,
came to church to accompany her home.
Finding that the service had not yet
closed, he entered, unobserved, and
took a seat near the door. -.'....-
"Teli me, wife" he said, as they were
leaving the vestibule, "who was the
gentleman they were praying for:"
":The husband of one Of the sisters,
Charles"
well, wife, he replied, "that man
will certainly be converted; never
heard such prayers before"
Again as they were preparing for TIE
night, he remarked, those were won-
derfnl prayers wife Can you tell me
the gentleman's name 2"
He was the husband Of one of the
ladies present." replied Mrs. H.. and
then she retired to her closet for prayer
and praise.
At midnight she heard her husbands
voice again: wife, wife, God heard
those prayers l can aot sleep, wit ]
Will you pray for me? Can the Lord
show mercy to me, wifeg"
There was joyin the presence Of the
angels that night. When the faithful
pastor called the next morning he fouLd
Mr.. H. ''praising and blessing God"
Blessed words Of Jesus, "when two
Of you shall agree, touching anything
that ye shall ask, it shall be done Of ny
Father.n
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

icle Moses is the chief executive
of a suburban colorea Sunday school.
The other Sunday. his black face with
its snowy fringe, peered over his
ante e-bellum stock and collar a. the lit.
tie nigs, who were buzzins like bees IN
in hive just under his nose.
'Ordah Chillen, ordah! Don't yer
hsah me, chillen? Lettlepim Lumpkins,
dere, hesh dat talking like a cunsterble
on lection day.
When Jennie ceased his conversation
the chief executive resumed:
Il calls de detenshun OBJ de school ter
de way yous been a carryin' or dis bres-
sed day. wot yer bin a diu': Yer knows.
An de way yer tongues is bin carrus.
eatin' is scan'lous,'
The black fingers pushed the tall
lar back and pulled the black chin for
ward.
NOW. pats it ter yer, an 10 you All
listen, an, you, too, Lie Nillins; | Ak
you dis quss:ion-How menny eyes you
chillens got p
Chorus
How menny mouTe yer ge,:'
Unanimously-'0ne.'
What does dat mean: 1t means yer
mus see twice es much es yer tells
Now how meuny years yer got''
'Chorus-'Two.'
AM how menny mouveG
One
Dat meanes yer mus heah twice es
much az yer talks. Now member dls
lesson an you, Henry ellis. contribute
de papers 'roun' fore we jines in prar.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

leaned toward him. He had broken
the ice of reserve, ,and all was easy new.
His head was amcng the clouds, and a
few feeble rays were already struggling
through the rift it had made.
yes, Mary he answered softly: and
I've heard It said more than snce, What
good wife Andrew Lee must have"
Mrs Lee turned her face toward her
husband. There was the light In her
eye; but there was something in the ex-
preston Of her countenance that little
puzzled him.
De you think so = she asked, quite
soberly.
What question: calculated An
drew Lee, startiug'up and going round
to the side Of the table where she was
sitting. What question, Mary" he
replied, standing before her.
Really, do you?, 1t was all Mar,
said.
Yes, darling was his warmly spo
ken answer, and he stopped down and
kissed her; how strange that you should
ask me such question as thatv
If you would tell me now and thea
Andrew, it would do me good.'
Mrs. Lee arose, and leaning her fact
against the manly breast Of her husband
stood and wept.
What strong light broke in upon An
drew Lee! He had never given his wifi
even the small reward Of praise fer al
the loving interest she had manifested
daily, until doubt Of love had enteret
her soul and made the light all arount
her thick darkness. No wonder tina
her face grew clouded, nsr that wha
he considered moodiness and ill.natur'
took possession Of her spirit.
You are good and true, Mary, N.
own dear wife; I am proud efyon, AM
my frst desire is your happiness. Oh
if 1 could always see your face in sun
shine, myhome would be the dearest OF
earth ,
How precious 10 me are your word
Of love and praise, Andrew said Mrs
Lee, smiling through her tears into hi
face. With them ln-my :ears my hear
can never lie in shadow
How easy had been the work for An
drew Lee! He had swept his ham
acros, the cloudy horizon, aud now tn
bright sunshine was streaming and flood
ing that home with joy and beauty.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

f.rtiye pance in her direction. Great
heavens 1t was she! I was sure OF
it.
In q few moments | had acquainted
NV friend with the facts, and my belief
that this was the young lady Of whom l
was in quest. He told me then OF her
poverty. and that from one OF the hrst
and wealthiest families of New Orleans
sbe was reduced to earn her bread. He
said that there was n doubt that l was
on the right track, as she had already
told him Of the loss of her pearls. On
the night that had rescued her. she
had been on her way to dispose ofthem,
for her father lay dying, and she had
no means with which to furnish him
food and'medicine.
He was dead now, and she, poor girl,
was all alone in the world.
l will pass over my introduction, and
the astonishment with which she listen
ed loImy story. Time had soitened..her
asperlty towards the Yankees. and as
mouths flew by, sue seemed to have
quite forgotten all past animosities' sc
that, when at last ask her TO become
my wife. was prepared to hear her an
answer Y es,' and was not disappoin'
ed.
And on the day that she became M
bride. amid the lace Of her snowy veil
and erowniug her heavy waves ofraver
hair, like drops Of ice, were the jewel
which | had cherished, and defended
with my life, for all those dreadful year,
my CxcILE's PEARLS.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

THREE THINGS. s.-Three things te
loye-courage, gentleness and 'atfec-
ton.
Three things to admire intellect
dignity and gracefulness.
Three things to hate-cruelty, AFRO
gance and ingratitude.
Three things to delight in-boauty
frankness and freedom.
Three things to desire-health. friends
and contented spirit.
Terse things to like-cordiahty, goo(
humor and cheerfalness.
Three things to avold-idleness, 10
quacity and hippaat jesting.
Three things to cultivate-gocd books
good friends and good hunsr.
Three things to contend for-honol
country and friends.
Three things 10 goVern-semPer
tongue and conduct.
Three things to think ef-liSs, sestt
and eternity.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

The tricks of the Heather Chlnee sink
INTO insisnifcance when compared with
the shrcwdness ofa western backwoods-
man at. Washkosh, Wis., the other day.
Three gamblers had laid plan to fleece
their victim, and he was dealt four aces
to induce him to bet, but was given six
cards so as to make a misdeal. But the
quick witted amateur backed his four all
he was worth and won, when his oppo-
nents charged him with having another
card secreted about his person. A
search revealed nothing, afterward he
departed with his winnings. 1t was af-
.erward discovered that he had slipped
the extra card into sandwich which
he was eating while playing and had
actually swallowed it.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

Hons CONVERSATION Children
hunger perpetually for new ideas. They
will learn with pleasure from the lips
of parents what they deem it drudgery
to study in books; and even if they have
the misfortune to be deprived Of many
educational advantages, they will grow
up intelligent if they enjoy in childhood
the privilege of listening daily to the
conversation OF intelligent people. We
sometimes see parents who are the life
Of every company which they enter,
dull, silent, aud uninterestlng at home
among their children. If they have not
mental activity and mental stories sufi.
cient for both, let them first use what
they haye for their own households. A
silent home is adull place for young
people, place from which they will
escape if they can. How much useful
information. on the other hand, is often
given in pleasant family conversation,
and what unconscious, but excellent
mental training is lively, social argu'
ment. Cultivate to the utmost the graces
of conversation.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

A man IN Benten wrote to the official
for "a chance to run on the B. q. & N.
Railroad" He was told that he might
s.run on the read" as much as he liked
if he would keep out Of the way Of the
trains.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

A man who thought he wonld pre-.
sent his wife with material for a new
dress was somewhat surprised to see the
dealer slip the cloth in an envelope and
say he would have the buttons sent
right up in a dray.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

Pay the bill?' said a g,ltleman who
is we'll known to collecto IS as the prince
of procrastinators. Il should be happy
to do so: but this damp weather has
caused money drawer to swell, and
cannot get at my funds, Come the
first dry day.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

Doctor said desparing patient tc
his physician, 4 am in dreadful con
diton; can neither lay nor set. whal
shall do?' 4 think you had better
roost,' was the reply.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

A contemporary asks: Are American
girls delicateS' 1t depends very much
on whether you offer them cocoanu!
cake and ice cream or bar of soap and
q washbeard,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

Somebody says: EVERY failure Is
step to success" This will explain Why
the oftener some men fail. the richer
thay become. 5ia.a
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

A mother, seeing her little fouT-year.
old nearly asleep in her chair, asked il
she had not better 60 to bed. "Oh, no,
mamma; only shut my eyes to keep
the dust out.r rfiI .a-'rs-IEf
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

There has been so much rain in South
ern Iowa this winter that the conductors
Of the freight trains take rank with rear
admiral.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

What the milknsn sad when they
found fish in the nuid, Good heavens!
the hrndle COW has been In swimming
again 4,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

Nobody can tell how many disputes
for the frent side Of the bed have been
settled by moving the bedstead IN the
centre of the room.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

The ladies are all opposed to the
telephone. They don't care to have a
young fellow whispering il her ears
with mouth twenty miles away.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

Conclusive Mankind, said apreacher
includes woman; for man embraces
woman
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

A street.car drivss who wears a but
ton-hole bouquet has no more inhusncs
wIshs mule than ordIsary nsrtaIs.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

A distinguished physician recommen-
dcd elm-bark for the bite of a dog-just
as if the bark could cure the bite
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

Brown says he has so often been
deceived by the chicken at his boarding
house, that he calls 1t .he mocking bird.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

Master at homef' No, sir, he's
out Mistress at home?' No sir,
she's out Then I'll step in and sit
by the fire. That's out too, SIR
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
VTILL1AYs l. GRABILL, ,
w FIRE INSURANCE AGENTS.
WOODSTOCK, "a.

We are prepared to Insure property IN the VIZ,
rinia Fire aud Marine Insurance Company ana
the Lynehburg Banking and insurance CompAnS ~
Both are arst class companies and insure 81 the
usual premiums.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
SHENANDOAH HERALD.


Advertisements win be inserted At oae Dollar
per square Of ten lines, OF lsss lor the hrst inssr-
tion, and 50 cents FOR each subsequent insertion.
Unless the number Of insertions BE- marked upon
the manuscript, II win be publishsd until forbid
and charged accordingly.
Notices in the local column viii be inserted =
double the advertising rates. M
Advertisements for three nont4s or longer win
be inserted at lover rates
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
GORGE r. CALVERT,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
NRH MAkKET. Va.

VIII practice In the Circuit Court Of shenandoah
County, and in ell the Courts OF Rockingham sno
Page Counties. ,,.,.
I have made sn arrangement with Messrs. walton
A alton Attorneys-at-lsw, by which any matter
os business at Woodstock vii receive sten'on
vithout .nv additional charges TO my clients.
have made the same arrangement with proml-
nentI LAWYERS in Rockingham and Page Counties.
Oncs-Next door TO Henkel Koiner Cos store
June IL.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
DR A. MA R TIN,
Miscellaneous Cards.

TRHEN's MANSION HOUSE.
" ALEXANDRIA, VA
JAMES GREEN, N,.................. .PnoRikFoh'
Iss Arst-clsss hotel, in every respect The ein
sens efthe valley, having busnes IN Ae1anaIls & os
Washinstcu, and travellers going North or Soutn,
viii and this an agreeable resting place on the
rosie, as IL does not require the early start oy
Q eversl hours % from Washington or Baltimore'
Cars and Steamboats, leave Aexsncrla iof VASE
inston and rsturn every hour from A Mt ~
81 IAN TT
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
p o { &c Al.
ADVICE TO BOYS.

ADVICE TO BOYS.
BY HENRY DewNToN.
Whatever you sre, be brave, boys
The liars q coward and slave. boys
Though clever at ruses
And sharp a. excuses,
Hes sneakiug and pitiful knsye, boys
Whatever you are, be frank. boys!
It's better than money and rank, boys;
still cleave to the right,
Be lovers Of light,
Be open, above board, and frank, boys
Whatever you are, be kind, boys
Be gentle in manner and mind, boys
The man gent 10 IN mien,
Words, and temper. ween,
In fun and IL earnest, be true, boys
But, whatever you are, be true, boys
Be visible through and through, boys;
Leave to others the shamming,
The z reening' and 'crsmming,
In fun aud In earnest, be true, boys
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
Adrertis
ENTRAL HOTEL
NEW MARKET, VA.
r ~. - H0rr1UAu Prom riptraa

I RS. >. IIOLTLMAN, T"P IIVtIt5'
Having fully rehtted and repaired this well
known Hotel It Is now open for the reception Of
guests and boarders. New Market is surrounded
6y number of excellent sp ings-smong which
are Sulphur. Chslybeate, Free, Stone, &c,-easy
Of access, and situated amid the most beautiful al
and picturesque scenry.-Persons in the cities de-
string few weefs Of country air, with quiet COM
fort, at reasonable rates, will be accommodated.
The table will be an especial care the Bar sup
piled with choice liquors, end the Stables provided
With best Of proyender.
SARAH HOFFMAN
Feb. eft
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27

This hotel has been recently improved by
the erection of brick addition to the main
building which will give considerably more
room, and afford ample accommodation for
be travelling public.
THE TABLE will be we'll supplied at all
times with the best the market affords. and
no pains shall be spared to satisfy the wants
Of guests in this department.
THR BAR will be stocked with the best
Liquors. A full supply Of Wilson's pure
Rye whisky, (the only homemade whisky
sid in the county, can be found by those
wishing pure article for uedlcsl purpose,
Jurors attending court will be boarded
or their fees per diem, and thelr certificates
skaa in payment if desired.
charges Modsv:e' A call respectfully
elected.
ROBhRT WILSON.
Nay 1t
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
NoTARIES PUBLIC.
JUSTICES or THE PEACE.

JUSTICES or THE PEACE.
DAy1s p1sr.-pr. G. A. Brown, obed Funk and
Jno. II. snarr. ,-,cr-,. o,o-.do,
JoHSsroS.-J H. RodeGer. Martin strickier'
Levi h. Cutler. - -
MAplsoS,-Samuel c. Campbell James D.
Coffman, Samuel Rinker. ,.,
AsEpY,-Sami Hammsn. Samuel Kinsree, Jacob
X. Miller. - z..N,. ,oA, n
Pence.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-02-27
PERISH PHYSICIAN.

c..ros Maursrtown
OYERSEERs POOR.