The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-12-25
A HUSBAND IN THE KITCHEN.
A MORSE LEGEND.

Once upon time there was a man
so surly and cross that he never
thought his wife did any thing right
in the house. So one evening In hay
making time, he came home, scold-
ing and swearing, and showing his
teeth and making q dust.
"Dear love, don't be angry, there's
good man." said his g0ody; ITO
morrow let's change our work. I'll
go with the mowers and NOV, and
you shall mind the house.
Yes! the husband thought that
would do very well.
q So, early next morning, his goody
took q scythe over her shoulders and
went out into the bayfield, with the
mowers and began to NOW; but the
man was to mind the house and do
the work at home.
First of all he wanted to churn but
ter, but when he had churned awhile
he got thirsty, and went down to the
cellar to tap a barrel of ale. So, just
when he had knocked In the bung,
and was putting the tap into the cask,
he heard the pig come into the kitchen
overhead. Then off he ran up the Gel
lar stairs, with the tap in his hand, as
fast as he could, to look after the pig,
lest 1t should upset the churn. But
when he got up and saw that the pig
had already knocked the churn over,
and stood there, roofing and grunting
among the cream, which was running
all over the floor, he got so wild with
rage that he quite forgot the barrel Of
ale, and ran al the pig as hard as he
could. He caught 1t, too, just as 1t
ran out of doors, and gave II such
kick that piggy lay for dead on the
spot. Then, all at once, he remem-
bered that he had the tap In his hand;
and when he got down to the cellar,
every drop Of ale had ran out Of the
cask. ~ q
Then he went into the dairy and
found enough cream left to fill the
churn again; and so he began to
churn, for butter they must have for
dinner. When he had churned q bit,
he remembered that their milking
COW was still up In the byre, and
hadn'tihad a bit to eat or drop to
drink all the morning, though the
sun was high. Then all at once he
thought II was too far to take her TO
the meadow, so he'd just get her up
on the house-top-for the house, you
must know, was matched with sods,
and fine crop Of grass was growing
there. Now, their house lay close up
against o steep down and he thought
If he laid a plank across to the thatch
at the back, he'd easily get the COW
up.
But still he couldn't leave the
churn, for there was his little babe
crawling about on the floor, and II be
left 1t, he thought, the child was sure
toupset IL. So he took the churn on
his back, and went out with It; but
then he thought he'd better first
water the COW before he turned her
out on the thatch; 80 he took up a
bucket TO draw water out Of the well /;
but as he stopped down at the wells
brink, all the cream ran out Of the
churn over his shoulders and SO down
into the well.
Now 1t was near dinner time, and
he had not even got the butter yet ;
so he thought he had better boil the
porridge, and filled the pot with
water and hung 1t over the fire.
When he had done that, he thought
the COW might, perhaps, fall off the
thatch and break her legs or neck. So
he got up on the house, to tie her up,
One end OF the rope he tied fast 10
the cows neck, and the other he
slipped down the chimney, and tied
round his own thigh; and he began
to make haste, for the water now be.
gan to boil In the pot, and he had still
to grind the oatmeal.
So he began TO grind away; but
while he was hard ut 1t, down fell the
COW off the house-top after all, and
as she fell she dragged the man up tc
the chimney by the rope. There he
\ stuck fast; and rs for the COW, she
ihung half way down the wal, swing
ing between heaven, and earth, fol
she could neither get down nor up.