The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-12-26
WHOLE NO. 1914.
Miscellaneous.

| MIScellan eous'
What was Eve formed for2 For Ad-
ANS express company.
Striped stockings do not come as high
as last season-in price we mean.
A man calls puppy after him by
whistling, but girl has only to wink at
one.
What is the difference between tramp
and hog? One longs to eat and the
other eats too long.
Julia, there's no moon ; shall we meet
tonight under the gas-lightT mo,
John, I'm no gas metre"
A German seriously states that thieves
are so scarce in America, that reward ls
offered for their discovery.
The "tune the old COW died on" is one
much spoken Of but no one claims to
know the key. 1t was beef fiat.
A boy who had read of sailors heaving
up the anchor, wanted to know if it was
sea sickness made EN- do it.
Law is very like sieve 1t is easy to
see through it; but one must be consid-
|
The difference between a soldier and
woman who paints is that one faces the
powder and the other powders the face
Who owns the United States The
people. Who owns the people? The
politicians. Who owns the politicians2 2
NINETY and nine folks in the hun
dred make mistake when they cut off a
dogs tail. They preserve the wrong end.
A politician complained that flies would
get into his mouth. Perhaps if you
were to shut it"-"Ah, 1 did not think of
that"
do you drink ?" asked lady of ped
dler. He dropped his pack, and re-
marked, "Vell, l shust lieve drink NIT
you as any odder man."
The photographer said "If you would
only be pleasant; now-smile little"
The visitor smiles. my dear sir, that
will never do; it's too wide for the in
strument.
The judge said to drunken fellow, "1f
1 were in your place, would go out into
the woods and hang myself" The an
swer was, "If yooz in my plaish, you
couldn't get there.
Early one morning, banker was found
on his knees at his front door, trying to
unlock it with a lead pencil. and saying,
Howe zhis T.? Somebody's been foolin'
with re combination"
my dear julia" said one pretty girl
to another "can you make up your mind
to marry that odious Mr.. Snuff "Why,
my dear Mary" replied Julia, II believe
l could take him at pinch"
When some one was lamenting Foote's
unlucky fate in being kicked in Dublin,
Johnson said: "He is rising in the
world. When he was in England no one
thought it worth while to kick him."
do you see this stick, sir ?" said very
stupid acquaintance to Sydney Smith.
This stick has been all round the world,
sir" "Indeedr' said the remorseless
Sydney. "And yet it is only stick"
Poor fellow He died in poverty"
said man of a person lately deceased.
THAT isn't any ything," exclaimed a seedy
bystander. Dying in poverty is no
hardship. It's living in poverty that
puts the thumbscrews on fellow"
"When will your mistress return2"
asked the caller, after being informed
that the madam was "out." Cant say,
sir" said James. when she sends me
down to say that she is out, can never
tell when she will return"
Joseph Skelly, a writer of number of
popular songs, committed suicide in
Brooklyn few days ago, by shooting
himself in the head. AS he was not the
author of "Grandfathers Clock" he
leaves friends who mourn his death.
There is soon to be an Exposition at
Panama, and the buildings are now
ready. Woods and fruit grown in the
State, animals and fabrics of the interior,
were expected at last accounts, but moth
ing had arrived except horse the size of
goat.
A st. Louis lady has sued reporter
for breach of promise, putting her dam
ages at $4,000 For the sake of the rep
utation of the profession. it is hoped the
reporter will put his hand into his pocket
and pay the lady the amount claimed,
and thus keep the affair out of the courts.
A Michigan gentleman whose ,educa-
ton was considered fair, wrote to a book
seller as follows: "Dere sur if yew hey
gut book called Daniel Webster on
bridge pleas sen me a copy by Pyser's.
Express C. o. ID want to git it tomor-
rer if 1 kin, caus my spellin techer says
oughter have it."
An Ohio woman who died recently,
willed her local paper 1925. That wo-
mans chances of heaven are very good
but if person wishes to make a sure
thing of happy hereafter, the amount
he or she leaves to newspaper should
not be less than $4,000. Now is the
time to make up clu- that is, wills for
this paper.
The editor of the London illustrated
News has just paid $4,000 for a painting
by Millais. We used to squander our
money that way too, but we soon saw the
folly of it. There is no excuse for an
editor paying $4,000 for painting in
these days of high art when the religious
weeklies send out chromos that "you
can't tell from oil paintings"
An editor in one of the northern coun-
ties has received 50 in an envelope, with
no writing except the words conscience
money" written in trembling hand, as
though the writer was about to die. The
editor don't know which of his subscrib-
ers to give credit to for the 81, and he
has decided to give his 200 delinquents
credit for one cent each.
Miss Susan and Miss Rachel Reischen-
boch, of Providence, r. l., were the first
ladies for long time who found under
the bed the man for whom the sex so
looks He was hau1ed ont