South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-01-25
WIT AND I1lJMoR


VA prudent father in the western
part OF the city, says the Des Moines
Register, refused to purchase a pair of
skates for his IA year old boy until the
lad had earned money enough to pay
the expenses OF funeral in case he
ventured on too thin Ice. This was last
winter. Yesterday the youngster ten.
dered S2l which he had earned by hard
work and economy since that time, with
the announcement: ''This won't get up
regular sumner OF planting, but 1
am not proud, and it will furnish good
enough outfit for me. Where's them
skates?" The boy got 'em.
EVERYBODY WELL.-A resident of
Baltimore, who reached home by noon
train, after an absence of two weeks, was
met at the station by his eight year. old
son, who loudly welcomed him. And is
everybody well. Willie?' asked the ia.
Their. The wellest kind replied the
boy. And nothing has happened?'-
Nothing at all. I've been good; Jen.
MES been good, and l never saw ma
behave herself so we'll as she has this
time"
While Judge was holding court
at Van Wart, o., few DAYS ago,
mouse took advantage Of his preocou-
patton and climbed up inside Of his pam
falcons. The attorneys and attendants
became aware Of the situation when the
Judge suddenly gave jump, clapped
his hands to his leg and stamped on the
floor. The Sheriff rushed to the rescue.
and the spectators rose in their seats
not knowing what was about to happen.
The Judge whispered to the Sheriff, a
lawyer shook the intruder out, and in
the general confusion that ensued the
mouse escaped.
V'A man vas wheeling q barrow
across churchyard not twenty miles
from Manchester, England, when he was
threatenediby the clergyman with con-
dign punishment for his daring outrage
polluting his consecrated ground by
his wheelbarrow. The man, scratching
his head, said Il did not know but the
wheelbarrow was consecrated too for
borrowed it of the sexton
H'Allow me to DC your beau said
gentleman, placing his umbrella over
lady in shower. Thank you. I've
plenty of fair weather beaux; so sup.
pose must call you my rain beau, she
replied, archly.
IyA little five-year old had been
banished TO the hall for disobedience
Presently curious stamping of little
feet was heard there, followed by O
peremptory knock at the door by little
fingers. Who's there? was asked. bod
was the stout reply from the hall. 'He
wants to tum right in, too for its told.
Iva little girl down in Maine was
listening with much attention 10 the
story of Jonah. When the question wa!
asked, What should you suppose would
be the first thing Jonah should do afte
the great fish threw him upon the land
She answered promptly, Il 'sh'd finl
he'd go home quick as he could and ge
cleaned up
CVTA An observing politician says that
the difference between those going il
and going out OF Office Is mainly this
The former are sworn in and the latte
80 out swearing.
WWhy didn't you insert my article
asked q contributors was it too long?
No, replied the editor; it was to-
narrow
Which is the most wonderful ami
NAL in tho farm-yard? a pig, becans
he is killed first and cured afterwards.
w OuuC' 10 ID ClCNCh " ClObhs lGl
that young man to shut the front doc
from the outside
EV'Therc had been q discussion a
bout the cost Of a dress, and she wa
wrathy.
It's all very WE'LL she pouted, 70
you to expect n woman to be an angel
but I'll have you TO know, sir, that
wouldn't be even an angel unless M
wings could be cut goring. There now
IVA father. consoling his daughter
who had lost her husband, said, Il don
wonder Won prieve for him. nv child