San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1878-10-26
UIT and WISDOM.
A HORSE, unlike man, is always pre-
pared to meet an oat.

WHY is q lndy's foot like locOmO-
tive? Because it usually goes ahead Of
q train.
QUEEN VICTORIA has twenty six grand
children, and the returns are not all III
yet either.
THE Galveston Ners demands TINT
Butler shall not work his chin more
than eight hours day.
EDGAR FAwcErr wishes that "man
could make love like bird" He does,
Edgar, he does; like goose.
Miss KATE SANBoRN, of Boston. gives
morning lectures. She would give eve
ming lectures, but she isn't married.
WHEN Dallas policeman wants to
dispense crowd he takes of his hut
and attempts to take up collection.
IT is rumored that Mrs. Tilton has
challenged Jim Anderson to joint con-
fession, for the American championship.
A NEW novel is called "My Hearts in
the Highlands. That is better than
having your liver in the hands of doc
tor.
A WOMAN can't put on any side-saddle
style when she goes in a swimming. She
has either got to kick out like man or
get drowned. s.
|. FASHIONABLE mother: "Maria, am
almost discouraged; how many times
have I told you not to say later, but
pertater?"
A LITTLE Florida boy tanned nm ALI
gator, and the ugly reptile began to like
the little fellow-not, however, until the
little fellow was all gone.
THE man who prophesied that this
would be quiet year in politics is now
pinching his legs to satisfy himself that
he hasn't got the nightmare.
In Iowa broken down front gate
produced in court is all the evidence
girl needs to insure IL favorable verdict
in breach-of-promise case.
"WILL I not make fine angelo"
said conceited fellow with uncommon
Nv large ears. NO." replied the lady;
II think your wings are too high.
The Rev. Miss Oliver says that every
time young man spends five cents for
glass of beer, he takes seven bricks
from the pile Of snug little home.
IT is remarkable, now, come think of
it, that of all the men who know more
about how to run newspaper than any
editor on the face of the globe, not one
| has aver Uot into h,lsinesS
SCARCELY have we recovered from the
overwhelming gliet caused by the death
of the akhoond of Swat, when the death
of Abdulla Jan is announced. All! mis-
fortunes indeed never come singly.
A WOMAN with seven rings on her fin
gers never reaches across the table to
help herself, but she takes great pleasure
in stretching her arm to pass the cake.
ANOTHER woman has shot n burglar
this time in Bradford, Pennsylvania.
Before going through n house burglars
should make sure there is nobody but
men around.
SCIENCE may put on his seven-leagued
boots and astonish mankind with rapid
succession of startling inventions, but it
can never produce contrivance that
will successfully close up n rat hole.
This is the season of the year when
the night air is very dangerous, but the
girls face death Mt front gates with the
same heroism which has always been one
of the chiefest adornments of the sex.
A REDUCTION has been made by land
lords in Paris. Two wood toOthpicks
are now sold for three francs and the
price of board is now only advanced Oh
new corners once in twenty-four hours.
AN ingenious Irish belle has surprised
London by appearing in a costume com
posed of thirty-nine Of the blue and
white silk handkerchiefs sc fashionable
at present. The parasol and hat are
made to match.
THERE is something inexpressibly
thrilling in the sound Of a bell Mt mid
night. filing the soul with strange AMI
gloomy fancies. more particularly il
your mother in law said, before leaving.
that if You were not in by ten. you
might stay ont the rest of the night, AZ
the door would be locked.
IT is bad enough for the Young man
at the picnic to sit down on the custard
pie, but his agony is only made perfect
when he backs mp under the sapling
where he hung his coat to find that the
calves have chewed mp both tails and
one sleeve thereof. That is what makes
him, in all bitterness of spirit, renouncc
the bomdless charms that nature to her
votaries yields, and go home in sad and
solitary state, an irreligious, citified.
CONTEMPLATING unbeliever.-HdwLeye
No doubt they have some of the ma