The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-07-13
VARIETIES.

because they live in vein.
When man plays with hose he's
liable to wet his stockings.
Two hundred thousand bachelors
pine along the Pacific slope.
drinking men, like soldiers, fire.
qucntly give the counter-sign.
Motto for new hotels-Charity cov-
ereth multitude of boarders.
-Cassagnac, the French bully, is
about to marry. That will settle him.
A Prussian officer is in the bowels
of Vesuvius. He fell down and will not
return.
Mr.. Anderson's rich auburn hair
should serve as beacon to all future
visiting statesmen.
The Servians have occupied Sofa.
What will the girls and their young
men do Sunday nightsP
If your foot is asleep do not be
alarmed. The poet tells us that the sole
is not dead that slumbers.
With the exception of delinquent
subscribers, everything is about fort
night earlier than usual this year.
1t is right that the St. Louis papers
should steal. Surely their readers are
entitled to something.-Butato Express.
Mrs. jerks does not belong to the
Horse Marines, but she is member of
dot leedle Sherman band.-NdShUiLe
american.
The oil City Derrick has no hesita-
ton in recommending to Emperor Will
liam the various kinds of salve adver-
tised in its columns.
The Detroit NeCS SAYS: There
are but two men in Bay City who are
not candidates for the position of City
Marshal. One is dead and the other is
a wooden Indian"
There is family in Vermont so
lazy that it takes two of them to chop
off a stick of wood. Siah chops while
Jim grunts, and then for a change, Jim
chops while Siah grunts.
A new book by Mary Cecil Hay is
called Reaping the Whirlwind." She
will probably write companion vol
ume entitled, "Threshing the Cyclone"
or Flowing the Tornado"
Don't you think" said a hus-
band, in mild form of rebuke to his
wife, 9 that women are possessed by
the devil?' YES" was the answer,
as soon as they are married"
AT twenty woman reaches for the
trailing arbutus. At twenty-five she is
after horse-radish At thirty she digs
roots for her blood. Such is gentle
spring in the various stages of femin-
inc life.
If you want to sleep well, lay your
feet to the SOUTH says medical Jour
nal. If you have big feet we suppose
you have right to lay it to something,
but hasn't the poor South had enough
laid to it?''
"A Vermont girl fell out of a rock
ing-chair and received injuries that
killed her in two hours. Moral-Young
girls should not sit in rocking-chair
unless there is strong man in it to
hold them in.-HaWbeye.
Now WELD the girls the mallet-sticks
With strange infatuation,
And meanwhile play fantastic tricks
With loudest exclamation;
Their mallets swing the game to win,
Regardless of the friction,
Till suddenly one strikes chin,
And, though she struggles hard to grin,
She shrieks her malet-diction.
When little Thomas stoops to toy
with berries, jam and jelly cake, no art
can soothe the chastened boy-no nos
trums ease his stomach ache. And if
the gripping pains defy the medicines
prescribed to foil, his parents will do
well to try the limpid, liquid castor oil.
"A country editor in Michigan thus
bids farewell to his readers, his paper
having expired: "Good bye!-Toll
the bell gently!-This is our last kick!
Handle us with care!-Lower us
gently to rest!-We die a natural death!
The wolf is at our door!-Burv us
under rose bush!-Listen to the mock
ing bird" .s.a
She sat upon the parlor lounge,
And William sat beside her;
And neither spake single word,
But both gazed in the fire.
AT last he clasped her dimpled hand,
And told her of his love,
And swore that he'd be true to her,
By moon and stars above.
He said he could not live without
Before he could say more,
The father came, and with club
Ehticed him out the door.
ho oOOh do ull. dlU Is Sdltli
dead comes dispatch from Pittsfield,
Mass, to announce that on the after
noon he met with his accident the cord
by which large and costly steel por-
trait of him was suspended in an office
broke and fell When Ben Wade died
his bust fell off of someone's mantel-
piece and was smashed. When Andy
johnson died the glass over the face of
his portrait in someone's back shop
cracked. And so on.-Chicago Tri6-
u11e.
Rev. Jasper has two crushing ques-
tons: ''If de sun do not move, why
do Joshua command it to stan stillP''
he inquiries; and then he sits down and
says, I'm wait sixty year fer you to
respondicate DAFT" And when the next
astronomer comes along he exclaims:
If de earth bees roun' how does the
anjils stan pom the foar cawnersPn
and then he smiles contemptuously and
winks one eye in a slow and eloquent
manner.
Enter young husband, who throws
himself into a chair, and exclaims:
"What! toothache again, Maria! | do