The Osceola times., 1878-06-15

Oh. lots Of fun has q little plgl
Aud III be sorry when he gets big,
The dear little queer little pig, oh!
The poorest excuse that man can
give for staying away from church Is
that he is afraid that it will blow up.
BELIEVE in the possibility of the
perpetual loss of the soul that perpetually
turns from God in the next life as in
this.-[Whittier.
"IT is one of the beautiful compen-
sstions OF this life, that no one can sim
cerely try to help another, without
helping himself"
"LET a dyspeptic ascertain that he can
eat porridge three times day and live,
and straightway he insists that every
body should eat porridge and nothing
else"
THE cottage formerly occupied by a
beautiful widow of Newport will be
rented this season. Reason given in the
widows own words TOO much balcony
and too little Romeo"
WAMPUM was once legsl-tender Ia
Massachusetts,. The white wampum
was made from the stems of the peri.
winkle' shell. Black wampum is made
from another kind of shell.
THE heaviest snorer we have heard of
is the man up town whose wife woke him
up, during a tempest, saying she did
wish he would stop snoring, for she
wanted 10 hear the thunder.
TIE picnic season is upon us, when
the young man, by decorating his hat
with a wreath of oak-leaves, will seek
to attract public attention from the
custard pie on the seat of his psnta-
looms.
SAYS he--"Keep out of fchancery-
being ground to bits in slow mill it's
being roasted at slow fire; it's being
stung TO death by single bees it's being
drowned by drops; it's going mad by
grains"
AN Illinois clergyman meets heart
broken girl on the train-tells her there
is better landrsupports her fainting
form-helps her off at small station, and
finds his watch and 5000 gone, Does it
pay 10 be good?
|
man (to LADY,; fear there will be
rush, and we shan't get in" Lady:
"Not get in what do you mean? There
are few mstinees where | ever failed b
get in, with perseverance and--this big
shawl pin!'
HAVING heard that Murphy was cur
ing people of drunkenness. venerable
lady from the old sod was recently heard
to remark: "Sure an I've often heard
tell in Skibbereen that bite of cowld
murphy was a good thing to kape away
the taste av it"
ONE of the greatest blessings secured
by the war is decoration day. Thousands
of politicians all over the land awake
that morning with hearts swelling with
gratitude to the brave patriots who laid
down their lives that they might enjoy
this precious boou.- Chicago Times.
NINETY years ago two men were hung
in Massachusetts for burglary. This
year town treasurer, who is a defaulter
to the amount of $40, 900, goes about his
business and nobody talks of furnishing
him, until a detective from another
county steps 10 and arrests him. Bos-
ton Herald.
THE iowa Poulterers' association sends
US circular with the request that we
hand it to some enthusiastic "chicken
fancier." The most enthusiastic Chicken
fancier" In Burlington has been in Jail
ever since the last dark OF the neon, but
we'll hand in the circular to the sheriff
for him. He'll get it, Hawkeye.
Mrs. BRowN: "Dear me, Mrs. Jones,
are those tall young ladies really yours
had no ides you had daughters grown
up" Mrs. Jones (who is still possessed
Of considerable personal attractions)-
ooh, yes | was married at fifteen, you
know! And Is that young gentleman
really your son?" Mrs. Brown (who is
also possessed OF ditto ditto ditto)--
"Yes--s--I was married at twelve -
A WESTERN member OF congress
lounged into the bar-room OF fashion,
able up town hotel one morning recently,
to get his matutinal invigorstor. When
| the necessary utensils were placed before
him, the hoosier statesman deliberately
filled the glass to the brim with whisky.
Goodness gracious" exclaimed the
astonshed bar keeper, "that isn't a
drink that's temperance lecture"
| To lend man "a quarter politely,
requires considerable GOODNESS and self
control. To be slow and ceremonious
about it implies distrust to slap down
the coin with bang" indicates irri-
tation, while to search all your pockets
in succession conveys the impression
that you will be left penniless by the
transaction. A smiling, quiet prompts
ness marks the gentleman in this crisis.
i World.
A GOOD story is told of a Rochester n
~ deacon, who thought he recognized
young lady friend leading little boy
up the street, and stepping to her side
he asked: why, Mary, where did you
ge. the child 2" The scarlet face instantly
turned to his was that of an entire
stranger, and her quick reply fully salts
fed him. 81 came by it honestly" was
all she said, and the good old man had
something to think about all the way