The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-08-15
WHOLE NO. 1925.
Miscellaneous.

=, No moose is good news" exclaimed the
fellow who was about to be banged, when
the sheriff informed him of his pardon.
II find your recommendations very
good, Bridget" "Yes, maam. And
now I'll see yours, ma'am, if you place"
Archery is a most dangerous amuse-
ment for young women. They are sure
to make an-arrow escape from their
beaux.
II say, waiter, I've just cracked this
egg Look at it," Waiter-"Don't look
very nice at that end, sir, l must say.
Try the other"
First lady-"Why do they call those
balls foul?" Second lady-"Don't know,
unless the pesky things are continually
flying over the fence"
Policeman-"Now, then, move on.
There's nothing the matter here" Sar-
castle boy-"Of course there isn't. If
there was, you wouldn't be about"
Fine Nainsook, embroidered, makes
lovely little slips for children" says a
fashion writer. Orange peel on side
walk continues to be good enough for
men.
"How came you to have such a short
nose?' asked city dandy of country
boy. $50 that would not be poking it
into other peoples business was the
reply.
Buck. beer, cucumbers and young
onions make nice wholesome lunch to
go to bed on this time of the year, pro-
vided ones conscience is clear and his
will made.
Colonel Ingersoll wept when he heard
Lolita sing the "Sweet By-and-By." May
be. But he would swear if he could hear
the young man over the way play it on
an accordeon.
II come to ask your hand" said lover
to his sweetheart "You ask a great
DEAL" replied she, as she proceeded to
lay palm in his two-thirds larger than
his own.
Square umbrellas are reported as the
latest thing in Paris. That's nothing.
We have been using square umbrellas
long time, at least they are never round
when wanted.
81 rode in the carriage with the widow
er," said the cook, on her return from
the obsequies of friend; and then
added, HE said the funeral would have
been nothing without me-"
Did you ever laugh at mans laugh
while he thought you were laughing at
the joke he told you? And did you ever
notice how immeasurably he enjoyed
your appreciation of the joke.
What we want is work and pay for
doing it, said the tramp. What kind
of work2" asked bystander. UNLOAD
ing schooners" replied the incipient Com
munist-"beer schooners."
Early to bed and early to rise makes
man healthy, wealthy, and wise; but
early to ryes and tardy to bed makes a
mans nose turn cardinal red.
An enthusiastic Indiana editor wrote,
"The battle is now opened" but, alas i
with an 20" and his readers say they
have suspected it all along.
Ali we'll, my dear fellow, marriage is
the best thing in the long run, and can
assure you that after year or two man
gets used to it, and feels just as jolly as
if he had never married at all.
Every once in a while we hear of Cal
ifornia woman killing a bear. This is all
right. But we challenge the world to
ransack the pages of history and show
where woman has ever got away with
mouse.
An exchange thinks "the devil is not
so black as he's painted" The devil
doesn't paint-nor does he employ a
painter to do it for him. but he's black
enough when he falls headforemost into
keg of printers ink.
Meta" writes from Clinton, asking
why all the holier men in the country
are college students. We give it up,
Meta, unless it is because the handsome
ones are all born poor, and become news
paper editors.
Conundrum by Archimedes johnson:
"Wby do de colored man always attrack
mo- attention from assemblages OBJ peo-
pie dan de white brudder do? Glib her
up? Kase de colored gemmelman is
always de scenter OBJ de group"
He had brought her the very things
she wanted from the supper table to her
safe retreat on the stairs, and she was
moved to say, half laughingly, You are
man after my own heart, Mr.. B"
Just what | am after" he answered,
quick as flash, covering her with con-
fusion.
Behind its emerald covering the seduc-
! tive cucumber conceals row of double
teeth, and woe to the man who enters
the combat with it single handed. The
cucumber never shows fight until it is
down. Men have been known to wrestle
all night with cucumber, and come out
second best in the morning.
How doth the busy fly
Improve each day that passes;
Without, however, bettering
The butter and molasses.
How clinging are his feet
At morn when we're reposing,
How well his mission he fulfills
By keeping US from dozingl
What is the difference" said she,
Between the moon and your
81 cannot tell, my treasured one,
Said he, with interest new.
The difference is this, ".said she,
With satire of Junius.
"The moon hath silvery quarters, love,
While you are impecunious."
A doctor, while escorting lady home
one evening, offered her q troche to re-
| lieve her cough. II told her to allow it
to dissolve gradually in her mouth. No
relief was experienced, and the doctor
felt quite chagrined the next day when
the lady sent him a pantaloon button
with note, saying he must have given
her the wrong kind of a troche, and
might need this one.