Nebraska advertiser., 1878-05-16
The Sorrows of a Clerk.

Office bright and early in the morning.
aud as he got out his books and sharp
ened his pencil, he wondered what
kind of luck he would have that day.
Good contracts had been scarce lately,
and it was time for things to take a
turn.
The first arrival was a portly gen.
tleman, who hustled in with a large
roll Of manuscript in his hand, and
considerable pomposity In his man
ner. f.,
Clerk rapidly reflected-"This looks
like business anyhow" and he smiled
his best smile. ,..t.- .-...-
Gent handed over his manuscript,
and with patronizing air jerked out.
Report. Annual meeting (ahem y
Hope you will get it in this evening /;
only make about four columns. Very
interesting report this year,.
Clerk-Thank you. Our charge will
be ten cents a line.
Gent, much astonished-Ten cents
line! Why, my dear sir; my dear
sir! this is not an advertisement; this
is news of the-aw-the greatest pos
sible interest to your readers.
Clerk-Our rate for this class OF mat
ter is ten cents line.
Gent-Tut! tut! My dear sir, am
astonished! Reslly-aw-I-ahem !!
you-aw-cannot appreciate the inter-
est taken by your readers in the Uni
versal Mu-
Clerk, blandly-Business is busi-
ness. If the publication of this re-
port is of any value to you, you should
be willing to pay for the space occu-
pied, just as any grocer or dry goods
dealer has to do.
Gent, taken quite aback-Well, re-
ally-aw-I-report must be publish
ed. 1 shall have to go over and see
president.
He did so, returning in the course
of the day with the report much
abridged, agreeing to pay for its pub
lication.
The next person who appeared was
not atall pompous. He got off wood
rack, hitched his horse, and founder
ed in, bearing with him such pun
gent odor of bad tobacco and curry
comb, as to set the unfortunate clerk
to sneezing. This high-toned charac-
ter gaped all around, and then placing
both elbows on the counter, asked -
Is the ed'tur in?
Clerk-No, sir; what is the nature
of your business?
Customer-Wall, I'd like to see the
ed d'tur himself, if / could. I've got
little advertisement 1 wanted printed.
Clerk-The editor does not receive
advertisements. That Is my business.
Have you it written out?
Customer, producing a scrap of pa
peF-Yaas. Is'pose you'll print it for
nothing for an old subscriber? I'm
sellin' out, you know, and there's
heap of folks round our way that
takes your paper. and they'd like to
know about it. It'll be just as good
news as you've got in your paper.
Clerk-It will cost you one dollar
per insertion.
Customer, explosively Jerusalem
whew! One dollar! an I've been a
takin your paper for years!
Clerk-We make nothing on our
subscriptions. Your newspaper is the
cheapest thing that goes into your
house. The advertisements are all we
have to live on.
Customer looked riled, and finally
grabbed his scrap of paper and
bounced out; but after scratching his
head refieetively for few minutes
outside the door, re-entered-Say
yell do it for haIf-price for an old SUBJ
scriber, won't ye?
Clerk, decidedly-Can' do it, SIR"
Customer-Wa'll, there's yer dol
lar.
A clergyman entered, solemn Wis.,
aged and spectacled-I am going to
hold special service here during the
week. 1 wish you would announce
it; and please mention that collec-
ton will be taken at the end of the
meetings.
Clerk, innocently-What space do
you want the advertisement to occu-
py?
MinIster-Oh, merely desire an ed
itorial notice, not an advertisement. |
Clerk-We can announce your
meetings only In the form of an ad-
vertisement.
Minister, warmly-But, sir, this is
a matter of public interest, of spiritu-
al Importance to your readers. You
must fill your columns with some
thing, and surely nothing can be of
more surprising importance than my
Clerk-We must be permitted to ed
it our own paper in our own way. If
you fake reasonable space in our ad-
vertising columns, we will be pleased to
make a short local reference to your
Minister. indignantly-How very
exceedingly worldly! My dear young
friend, how do you ever expect to
prosper in a Christian country?
Clerk, quietly-The best Christians
I am acquainted with, are those who
pay their own way, and ask no fa-
vors. If there were not few of the
same sort in the world. don't know
how we would pay our expenses.
Minister-I will consult with my
friends.
And he stalked out, rejecting seri-
ously upon men who cannot run
newspaper without money.
Inst then in rushed Herr Sch wniz |