Litchfield enquirer., 1878-01-31


 ing secured my ownprlze and frightened away hers.
 Meantime Chowder had not decision of char acter to propose wedding right of. The pa- rental terrors were heavy upon him he talked vaguely about being ''cut of, ," whatever that may mean and, in fact doggedly resisted any thing like prompt action, whileh he seemed more hopelessly in love than ever. To be honest I cannot say that I reciprocated to the same ex- tent: had te'adresse for him; but certainly should never have thought of accepting hlm had he been Mir. Smith of London. Meantime Chowder had been obliged, by the publicity of our engagement to write to the Duke. Wecon- cocted the letter between us, and he enclosed note and my photograph to the Duchess, who usually spoiled him, and was more sus- ceptble to attack. After that we had nothing for it but to await the answer in an agony of suspense. Meantime, to clinch the matter, my father settled a million upon me-afact which .Chowder telegraphed to the Duke. How long the month seemed before the dreaded reply ar rived, and what terrible blow it was when it finally reached us ]! Chowder was literally crushed. His face became so limp under the emotion and agitation or his mind, that his eye glass would no longer stick in his eye It was useless to urge him to open rebelion he was ordered peremptorily to return to his ducal parents, and to his duties in House of Com-i mons, and seemed incapable of resistance. Such is the tyranny of an effete and bloated aristocracy. How 1 ragged against it? What chiefly aggravated me was the idea that they evidently considered themselves superior to me. The Duke had the impertinence to talk about ChOwder marrying beneath him" as if the aristocracy of New York was not equal to any other aristocracy in the world. When told Chowder this, he said there could not be any aristocracy in democracy that he him. self was rather democratic in bis principles Che is q follower of Gladstones, and there is no saying where he will end); but that, while he admitted my equality with him, he also accord cd the same equality to my maid. l was going to retort upon him as he deserved when I re- membered that my cousin, Maggie Macgilcud- dy was actually factory girl at fifty cents a day at Lowell-her father, who was stone mason, having taken to drink. This confus- ed me for the moment so much that scarcely knew what to say; so 1 asked him whether he thought it would have made any difference supposing had been a Van Twiller or Per- simmOn? He said that would not have made the slightest difference, and the objection would have been quite the same. Asin England it was not supposed that distinctions based upon the idea of birth or caste could pos sibly exist in a democracy which express ly repudiated them. Hence all Americans who came to England were considered equal and no one ever thought of inquiring about their families and so far as marrying he considered all American girls equally charming and me the most charming of all. This was not very logically expressed, but understood what he meant, and it con- soed me very much. He further tried to con- fort me by assuring me that he had only to see his parents to make it all rigat. He attributed all the blame to it's having been prematur rely announced before he had time to prepare the ducal mind; and explained that to marry without arranging things first would put us in very awkward position if bis family refused to receive us. He said I did not understand London society, and that 1 should never be able to bear the position in which we should be placed but he had no doubt about smooth ing over matters in few weeks when he would at once come back and make me his own. This was highly unsatisfactory, but it was the best that could be donc What an- noyed me most was Flora'ssympathy, through which l could see thinly-veled satisfaction. She was in constant correspondence with Huckleberry, who wrote her most interesting letters from Utah, where he was most hospi- pitably entertained by the late Brigham Young
 We had very fearful parting and in spite of Chowder's protestations, 1 felt my heart sink within me when he turned away trom me for the last time-looking, poor fellow, quite crushed and heartbroken. It was very disa- greeable to feel that all the other girls were canvassing my chonces. Of course, as they had all secretly envied me, they all secretly hoped he would be obliged to throw me over; and this, Imay just as well say, without further remark he did, in exactlysiX weeks from the day we parted. I will not recapitulate the req sons which made it impossible, the objections urged by his parents, which he was obliged to admit were insuperable, the agony which he described was racking his brain, and lacera- ting his heart. It was far too well written and pathetic to be his own composition. and bore the trace of the delicate hand of his mother all through it. The revulsion of feeling to which this disappointment gave rise is too painful for me to attempt any analysis of it here. 1 now know that'I have every reason to be deeply grateful for it, it changed the whole current of my views and aspirations in life; and to it owe the happiness | now en- joy: but it was inexpressibly distressing at the time, e,-wounded self-love, mortified vanity and affection-for 1 really found now that had lost himethat had imagined-all combin- ed to make me utterly miserable. 1 raed aganst mamma as the cause of it all, though really don't suppose she did so much harm on the whole. l shut myself up, and refused to be comforted. The consolation of my own sex only enraged me less than the amiable at tentions of the other. Charlie van Didntoffer, who was carrying on quite scandalously with Fanny Hardpan, had the impertinence to offer me ''brotherly sympathy" forsooth, as if l wanted his sympathy or Fanny's either. It was quite shameful the way that pair drove round Central Park every day with ostentatios etfrontery in one buggy, while Harry was car rying on in another with Edith Persimmon. Then to make matters worse came the mar riage of Prince Sohanovitch with Laura, and l was one of the bridesmaids, and had to en- dure the condolences of the other bridesmaids, some of whom were to have acted in the same capacity for me, and make myself agreeable to the 'ushers institution you don't have at yotr English weddings, and very good thing too. However, I will not let my i'll tenn per run away with me-even after this dis tance of time the recollection of what 1 suf- fered then seems to envenom mypen.
 1 was fortunate in being able to turn to my books and studies and even tried going to a Bible reading, which was largely attended by the ladesof the fashionable world. It was considered quite consistent to go to this and to all the gaieties that were going on besides; and yet observed they seemed to make dis, functions among themselves. For instance, Fanny Hardpan was regular attendant; and when Edith Persimmon came once, there was quite an objection made to her on the score of her being too fast. Now l would have thought that these were just the kind of people who should have been the most welcome, because of the benefit they might derive from meetings of this sort; but after little began to doubt whether they exercised any appreciable int1u- ence on the daily lives of those who attended them, and as did notsee thatthey did gave them up From all which you see that my mind was undergoing a change: and when Huckleberry returned from the west four months later, was able to watch the fortunes of Flora with far more charitable feelings than supposed possible. Indeed I felt sorry for her, for she was evidently really and honestly in love, and beginning to get uncommonly ner- vous about the result, which was not to be won dered at, considering the frightful example she had before her eyes in my own case So determined to speak seriously to Huckleber- and show him the harm he dninn to