The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-03-01
The King of Smokers.

A year or two ago there died in
Rotterdam a certain Mynheer Van
Klaes, to whom is certainly due
the title of "King of Smokers" To
gain this distinction in the great ns-
ton of puffers it must require al
most superhuman powers and love
for the Indian weed that passes hu-
man understanding. But Van Klses
was ever superior to the emergency.
It took no effort on his part to gain
the smoky crown and wear it while
he lived. He did not even die
young, es we might have anticipat-
ed from his immoderate use OF the
weed, but both enjoyed life and
smoking Until he had passed his Slst
birth day.
During the long vista of smoky
years in which he revelled in his
pipe, Van Klaes consumed four tons
of tobacco, well wetted down with
SOC, 700 quarts of ale which he drank
NOT to mention Schiedam schnapps
and other national beverages.
In Mynheer's house was 3 sumptu-
GUS apartment, entirely devoted to
pipes and tobacco. Every variety
of the fragrant weed grown on the
earth's surface was to be found
there in the plug, cut up or SHREDDED;
cigars, cigarettes aud cigsrillas were
grouped about in tasteful display.
But, above all, Mynheers pipes frat
riveted the visitors eye. In this
choice collection every branch or
variety of the pipe family had its
representative one could trace the
whole evolution of the race. from
he clumsy bowl and thick stem of
Sir Walter Raleigh's clay to the
lovely carved meerschaum from
Trebizond.
In this temple of tobacco the vete-
ran would sit, pufiag prodigious
volumes of smoke from his well ALL
ed pipe. only pausing now and then
to wet HE thirsty lips with drink
of ale. It is said that his last re-
heeting breath was borne from his
ifeless body on cloud Of fragrant
smoke.
A few hours before his death,
Van KIaes called for . notary to
make his will. Putting vigorously,
aud, afteF taking pullat his Schei-
dam, MYnheer gave precise direc-
tious for the performance of his OBJ
sequies. In the first place, his cof-
fin was to be thoroughly lined with
tops, bottoms and sides of boxes
that had contained his fayorite CT.
CARS; then q bladder of the finest
dry-cut Dutch golden leaf was TO be
placed at his feet. Most important
of all, his fayorite pipe must be laid
by his side. A firm conviction that
his soul was not going to dwell In
those letitudes where Are Is always
sure 10 be close at hand, caused
Mynheer to direct his executor to
place q box of matches by his side,
and With great foresight he also de-
sired that flint aud steel should be
added, as by some unforeseen occur
renee the matches might dampen
before they would be wanted
Having thus attended to his per-
sonal wants in the next world, Van
KIaes desired that the sEnokers in the
neighborhood should be invited to
his funeral, each one to be presented
with ten pounds of tobacco and two
pipes stamped with the name and
arms of Van Klaes, together with
| the date of the donors demise.
These guests were TO be admonished
to keep their pipes lighted during
service and to scatter ashes on the
coffin az it was being consigned to
mother earth.
The poor OF the vicinity who OBJ
served these instructions faithfully
were TO be presented on the annie
versary Of MynheeEae death with ten
pounds of tobacco and firkin Of
ale apiece. After these items we're
arranged to his liking Mynheer,
smoked his last breath, constant TO
the last, and certainly deserving to
be immortalized IS the best peace
maker since the flood.