New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1878-11-06
HumOr Of1lle Day.

Why should lady's home dress last
forever?--Because she never wears it out
The period spent BY chicken in the
she'll might be designated as the inter
eggnum.
Why is nail, driven fast into stick
Of timber, like decrepit old MANI
Because it's in firm.
Talk about Chinese ways that are
dark! Why, there are over 100 miles of
tunnel in Great Britain.
Immediately after every hard wind,
farmers come into town with choice lots
of fresh hand picked apples.
"Mamma, can't we have anything we
want?" Eyes, my dears; but be careful
and don't want anything you can't have.'
Mrs. Janviile has "put up twelve cans
of peaches, nine jars of plums, and a
bushel Of pears, while her husband has
only ''put up two stoves aud his gold
watch.
You persuade a professional musician,
PIANIST or conductor to give popular
music, and then the critics pitch into him
because he ''don't Can't play classical
music.'' ~
''Oh, know she loves him." cried the
grief stricken youth "But how do you
know she prefers your rival2n asked the
friend. "Ah,'' was the sad reply, II saw
her look bias at him"
Passing on automatic buoy which was
blowing its lugubrious note, reflective
Bostonian observed: I'm glad the buoys
have got tooters at last. Their educa-
tion has been neglected.
Lady giving an apple to little boy:
3'''Give this apple to the one of US three
here whom you. think the handsomest."
The boy looked for moment al all three
aides. took the apple, and-ate it.
when young female says the au-
crat of the Breakfast Table, 'swalks with
a male not arm in arm, but his arm
against the back Of hers, you are general
" safe in asking her what wages she gets,
and who the 'feller' was you saw her
with"
An old coquette, and one very fond of
her "reminiscences. and a censor of all
present fashions and arts, looking into
her glass, beheld sundry wrinkles.
freckles. etc. s'Now, here is my new
glass; said her ladyship, mot worth a
cent They cannot make mirrors as we'll
as they used to do"
An old woman, On beng examined be
fore magistrate as to her place of legaL,
settlement, was asked what reason she
had for surprising her husband had ale
gal settlement in that town. The old
lady said, ..Hc was born and married
there, and they buried him there, and if
that isn't settling him there, I don't
know what is" .
He as a .'culled tramp and ap-y
preached Captain Jase Phillips as the
train hauled up at Pewee. SIS you de
Gapt'in OBJ de kears?' YES" replied
Jase Don't want To- ter hire any deck
hands, duz YET "Nol I'm not running a
steamboat 'Zack'ly! Mout I ride
straddle OBJ de cow-snatcher to de next
landin'? Use busted, an long ways
from home" sect on! All abeard!'
Aud the negro straddled the cow-snatch-
er. Ed Gilligan pulled out the throttle
wide open, and the train had not gone
more than half a mile, before the engine
has eollided with COW, throwing It over
fence into q corn-6eld, and the negro
after the COW. Next day, coming down,
the negro limped up to Jase at the same
depot, and said: sBosa, I didn't ride
fur wild you on that COW. snatcher. Kase
you see the COW wanted to ride dar too,
an dar wasn't room fo' bo;e of us, so we
got off togedder up here in con field
Ifo' to rest. Denext time I rides wild you
|sTll freeze to de tail-gate OBJ de wagon
hits safer.n 5 i Il: