Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1878-10-10
LAUGHOGRAPHs.

REAL estate conveyances-Dirt carts.
The world without woman would be a
perfect blank-like sheet of paper
not even ruled.
FBE South Hill man calls his Wife's
false teeth "things," because "they are
not what they seem" -Hawkeye.
WEBB HAYES Fremont girl lives two
miles out OF town, and many Sunday
night has Webb-footed it out there to see
the little duck.-CSncinnati Sat. Niqht.
HE Norristown Herald declares that
Miss Ada Cavendish ought to succeed az
an actress, since she has plenty of papers
to back her.
A CHICAGO clergyman has written out
new Lords Prayer FOR the benefit of
good children who have to undress in
cold rooms. 1t is only seven words long.
WHEN you read that a detective is
working up case," says the Free
Press, you may know that he is waiting
to see if there will be any reward offered.
BEDAD! Look at the haste, wild bis
two tooth.picks stickin' out er his
mout" was how the first sight of an ell
ephant affected Bridget Mulaoon.
A LITTLE boy in New Orleans tele-
graphed to his uncle in Dallas, Texas:
" Mamma and sister died this evening
what must do?'
A CoUNTENANCE more in sorrow than
In anger was seen on the boy to whom
another boy gave plum with q pepper
in it.-Ne,o York Nal.
The trade dollar comes very handy
fn ~p1,1 IN
actly ninety cents as the contribution
box comes around. 1t saves heap of
time in making change.-Free Press.
OUT at Denver Alexander Kyle was
taking liberties with a nitro-glycerine
can, when all at once the folks discovered
that higher than A. Kyle must be pref
ty far up.-LoeoeU Courier.
OUT in Nebraska Nh. CRATER, who is
a tailor. ran of and married the girl who
was engaged to Mr.. Taylor, who was
butcher, but is now foe to CRATER
Omaha Herald.
"TEN mills makes one cent" When
the wheat had to be ground, we were the
one sent. One mill, however, was suffi-
Gent at that time Chronicle.
"DERE vas only leedle difference
between u.s. said a burly Teuton who
had just horsewhipped another. 81 vas
oxhided und he vas cowhided-dat's ALL"
-Puck.
NONE but a mother, tender and loving
of heart, who has just traded her hus-
bands $27 overcoat fora sixty-fve cent
image of "Samuel at prayer" can real
ize the congressman's love for his Jun
tryr-Burliagton Hd,okcye.
"WHAT's the difference" asked the
teacher in arithmetic, beween one yard
and two yards?" "a fence!" said Tom
my Beales. Then Tommy sat on the
ruler fourteen times.
"PA," said little boy, five years old,
81 saw lion and lamb lying side by
side in the meadow this morning."
"Tut, tut, James, don't tell me such
stories," said the father. II tell you l
did, persisted the child, but it was a
dande- lion''
The cooks in Boston have struck fryer
wages.-Groph;c Their interests were
probably at steak.-Boston Post. That
| is well understandable commercial Bu-
letin. The business, in fact, being over
| done and good situations rare.-4drer-
tiser.
The Lowell Courier thinks the only
effective way of improving the tone of
rail just as freight train is coming
along. That is the only sure exorcism
for the evil spirits that inhabit the pie
beian grade of fiddle"
FROM Scotland Yard Sergeant:
"How's this, Jones7 What do you
mean by coming on duty unshaved?"
Jones: "Im a-growin' of my beard,
sir" Sergeant: Then you must get
up earlier and do it, or-or-. Anyhow,
you must not grow it while on dootyr'
DON'T you love her still?" asked the
judge of man who wanted divorce.
Certainly l d." said he; 81 love her
better still than any other way, but the
trouble is she will never be STILL" The
takes the case under advisement.-Cin.
Saturday Night.
DRACoN1AN Scene: Police court.
North Highlands. Accused: "Put,
paillie, it's ma provit" Baillie: "Hoot
toots, Tonal. and hear me speak! Aw'n
only fine We half-a-croon the day, be-
cause cts no varra weel provit. But if
ever ye come before me again, yell no
get aft under five shillin's, whether cts
provit or no!"-Punch.
THERE are people in this world to
whom the prosperity of others is worm
wood and gall. They cannot see man
90 into bankruptcy, and fix up to live
Comfortable the balance Of his days, but
they must harrow up his feelings by
telling him about what he owes them,
and trying to prevent his discharge. -
Breakta.t Table.
"WHAT piece of work is man! How
noble in reason! How infinite in facul-
ties! In form and moving, how express
and admirable. In action, how like an
angel. In apprehension, how like
god" And yet. some how or other, he
never looks that when he is backed up
to a peanut stand, taking in tail pock>t
cargo of peanuts.-Haaokeye.
A PARTY of four were rowing on tie
river, when one exclaimed, ~ feel
some brandy" "Give me some" said
the sufferer. II would do so with
pleasure" replied the ardent man,
"but it's inside of me- They rowe,l
to the shore in silence, for they knew
he was loaded.-Hdckensock Republican.
"NoTH1NG," says the Bazar, CLOCKS
sweeter on a little girl than white mus
lin princess dress" Doesn't it, old lady?
If you will just happen around here
sometime when our young man is look
ing his sweetest on q little girl about II
years old, you will blush for the tame,
expressionless stupidity of a muslin
dress. And we'll leave it to the little
girl herself which of the two looks
sweeter on her.-Ha,Okeye.
A YOUNG fellow in San Francisco sud-
denly snatched kiss from lady friend
and excused himself by saying that it
was sort Of temporary insanity that
now and then came upon him. When
he arose to take his leave the plying
damsel said to him: III you ever feel
any more sucn nus t CORNING n@ o. you naa