Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-05-31

"A Cleveland man has been married
ten times, and yet he has to work for a
living.
"A Nebraska girls observation on the
Pope's death was that her folks had all
his poetical works in their library.
The tomb of Napoleon LII, is covered
with fresh flowers every day by order of
Eugene.
When you walk pray once; when you
60 to sea, twice; when you go to be mar
ried, three times-says a Russian Pro-
verb.
A Michigan woman of .ealth and
strong convictions has hired a man to
preach literal hell throughout the
country.
A Mexican in San Pedro, Texas, killed
his wife with a hatchet because she
would not get out of bed first in the
morning and make the fire.
A Laporte, Ind, lady, who had ten
teeth extracted the other dav. tainted
% times the same evening, and came
very near bleeding to death.
A drunken woman bit another wo-
mans thumb in New jersey the other
day, causing it to swell to enormous size
and become discolored, so that amputa-
ton was necessary.
The crown given by the King of Spain
to Queen Mercedes on their wedding day
was made in Madrid, and cost 800, 900.
A necklace made with forty pearls cost
$4,000, and few solitaires $4,000.
Maine is the place for a woman to
faint with safety. On a railroad train a
lady tainted, and thirteen LIQUOR TASKS
were promptly placed at her disposal,
and yet there were but thirteen men in
| the car.
An English manufacturer sdyertises
fo1 a man with thorough knowledge of
cotton and woolen rags, and capable of
managing about eighty women "a very
liberal salary will be given" "And so
there ought to be- says Punch.
If you're going to keep diary, keep
it. Don't leave it in your other trousers
pocket, where your wife will get hold of
It for day or so, and then appear to YOU
claiming to be a mind reader.
"A day or two since lad some eight
years of age said to his ismother:-"Moth-
er, which are we, Catholics or Episco-
palsT 1--WE amt any of them" said
younger brother chipping in, "we're Per-
eifc Coast Peneers."
An Ohio schooImaster marked a
pretty girl pupil nine in the exhibition
of chemistry, although her real grade
was six, and wanted her to kiss hira as
recompense. She told her mother, and
now the sehoolmaster is in trouble.
"A Detroit goat ate feather bed
Boston Globe. Hope he managed to sleep
we'll on it afterwards.-M. Y. Com. Ad-
Uertiser. The animal certainly felt con-
siderably down" in the mouth after such
a meal.-NorriStOaOn Herald.
What's a beautiful example of simplicity
in dress is shown some of the followers
| of fashion by the domestic animal, the
| cat, which rises in the morning washes
its face with its right hand, gives it's
tail three jerks. and is ready dressed for
the day.
Suppose we pass law" said a severe
father to his daughters that no girl
eighteen years old who cannot cook
shall get married until she learns how
to do it" "Why, then, we'd all get
married at seventeen" responded the
girls in sweet chorus.
Brown had been in love with young
lady, and asked permission to call her
| by the expressive name of some animal,
which was granted on condition that
she should have the same privilege. On
leaving, Brown said, Good night, dear %
"Good night, boreT said she.
Hard Labor-Parish Lady: We can
not give aid unless we know more about
you. Where do you live? Girl: At
| home, mem. Parish Lady: What is
your father2 Girl: A workingman,
mem. Parish Lady: Where does he
work? Girl: He don't do no work, mem,
please; he's on strike.
There has been a separation between
! an uptown lover and his sweetheart.
She presented him with her photograph,
which he, on his bended knees, swore
he would always wear next to his heart.
Last Sunday evening he pulled out his
handkerchief from his back pants
pocket, when lol the photograph fell at
his lady's feet. She says he is either
liar, or else his heart is not in the right
place.
Now is the time to put weather-strips
on the old mans gate so that it won't
creak or slam. Its getting warm enough
| to stand outside now. Grease the front
stoop with hunk of pork, This will
give you block start, and you can get
round the corner, turn quickly, pass him
as he bolts down the street after you.
and have an extra half hour with her
while he's chasing some other fellow
who is running after car,
"A blacksmith was lately summoned
| to a county court, as witness in a dis
pute between two of his Workmen, The
Judge, after hearing the testimony,
asked him why he did not advise them
to settle, as the costs had already
amounted to three times the amount of
the sum in dispute. He replied, II told
the fools to settle; for said the barris-
ters would take their coats, the lawyers
their shirts, and if they got into your
honor's court, you'd skin emp
The San Francisco Chronicle is thus
set right by an Oregon girl: II have red
yure thrilling account of poor deluded
girl and fele deeply interested. The poor
deluded girl thanks you very much for
yure sympathy. Young Buoland wanted
to 60 way and no body wanted to stop
him. Iwudnt if 1 Guild. AS to my pari-
ents, they never requested him to marry
me. and wuldent have had him if he
had ben the last man left in Oregon, If
you donte believe this you can come up
to Salem and inquire round and see."
The Rev. DR.. Macrae of Scotland is
doing his utmost to secure an official
revision of the Westminster Con-
fession of Faith. He has been lectur-
ing extensively on the Confession as it
now stands, and among other sharp
things he says that "the Westminster
dogma of everlasting torment in itself
is a subversion of Gods character as re-
| yealed in Christ, and amounts toa denial
of the Gospel. Carried to its issue, it
robs God of His goodness, His mercy,
and His Justice. It robs Him even Of
His sovereignty, giving sin a power of
| maintaining itself against him forever,
and so far leaving the devil to all eternity
master of the situstion,8
A BRIDAL QUARREL.-Among the pas
sengers who arrived at the Michigan
Central depot yesterday was a newly
welded pile from near Dexter, Michi-
gan, the husband giving the name Of
Henry c. Barlow. Going into the wait
ing room to stay until the train for To-