Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-10-31
The JOkers' Column.
TIE FAICNNER.

The JOkers' Column.
THE FALCONER
With hound and gun at early dawn.
Inc hunter greets the smii NJ morn.
Ana as he lifts his wicker flask
lie winds his mellow horn
Safe in his hunting BAG he packs
little bottle built Of tin:
ne WnlGn with many hearty Smacks
he packs his ammunition in
And lest his trusty fowling piece
ololId fail him when the chase was long
he taxes, his safety to increase,
hIspocket-piStol, fiat, but strong.
Although no game he bringeth home,
de makes the feathers fly all day;
ma moor-hens see, as far they roam.
Inc cocktails that he puts away.
When night comes brooding DER the wales.
Inough wound or fracture he has not
81 oy the scent his breath exh-les,
we Know he is three-q quarters shot.
IT takes two properly to enjoy a can
vass-back duck. 1. You. ?. The duck
Speaking of the dead languages.
professor" inquired the new student,
"who killed them?"
There is no disgrace in being poor
the thing is to keep it quiet. and not let
your neighbors know anything about it.
There is a lawyer down east so ex-
cesslYely honest that he puts MS flower
pots out overnight, so determined is he
that every thing shall have its dew.
A western editor thus kindly alludes
to contemporary: Gle is young yet.
but he can sit at his desk and brush
cobwebs from the ceiling with his
ears"
Il AM standing" yelled the orator,
" on the sacred soil of liberty" "You
are standing" yelled his creditor, son
the soles of a pair of boots you haven't
paid me for"
THE gang of burglars who work for
seven straight hours to hammer a safe
to pieces to secure fourteen cents know
how country minister feels next day
after donation visit.
81 am going to Alaska" said a gen
tleman to his friend. "Indeedp' re-
marked the friend, land does your
wife approve of it?" "Don't know"
replied the other, "but Alaska"
The Chinese Encyclopedias meets a
long-felt want, and no family should be
without it. 1t is published at Pekin, in
1920 volumes, and at the price of 81
800 is the same as given away. Get
the best"
" PRISONER, do you wish to say any
thing in your defense?" Nothing,
your Honor, except this-lemme off
light; this is the eighth time I've been
up before you. We're old copartners,
as it We're"
IF it takes one hog to make ham,
how many hogs will it take to make a
hammer Y-Er. He, he, he! Here's
another one: If 1t takes one egg to make
an nOgg, how many eggs Will it take to
make an anger? -St. Louis Dispatch.
A YANKEE auctioneer lately INDUCED
in the following little bit of the pathetic:
" Gentlemen, if my father and mother
stood where you do, and didn't buy these
boots-these elegant boots-when they
were going for one dollar, | should feel
it my duty as a son to tell both of 'em
that they were raise to themselves and
false to their country"
ONE day last week a young man who
was thinking of buying a farm out in
Nebraska, was looking at an outfit be-
fore ne started West. He rather liked
the clerical appearance of the bay mule,
and pulled its tail to see if it was gentle.
About four o'clock in the morning, he
opened his eyes and said to his sister,
who was bending over his couch: "Ask
the man what they load them with dy-
Mantle for?" And when they asked
the man he cried so hard he couldn't
answer.
THIS from an Eastern paper is good,
if it is little late The terrible scourge
Of croquet is sweeping over the vast,
illimitable, changing West like cy-
clone, and the other day, beautiful
girl in Peoria, with silken curls that
held the sunshine in their tangled mesh
es, and soft blue eyes that opened wide
in sweet surprise if you praised their
tender light, and that melted IN tears at
the voice of distress, and red, sensitive
lips that quivered and trembleG with
pain at a harsh word or cold look, and
voice as soft as the notes Of far-off
flutes upon the moonlit waters, got away
behind in very exciting game, and
when her brother caught her cheating,
she opened her soft, blue, melting eyes
in sad surprise, and hit him such ter
rible diff over the head with a mallet
that it was nearly week before he
could tell whether to wear his hat on
his head or the lump.