The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-07-27
VARIETY.

s' VIII the coming woman lecture?" asks
contem porary. If she marries she will.
When you strike oil, stop boring. Many a
man has bored clear through and let the oil run
cat at the bottom.
Unless you manage to enjoy little of heaven
here you will not be likely to have very much of
It hereafter.
Next in point of meanness to doing an injury
is to do i man q favor and every and then re-
mind him Of it.
George Alfred Townsend gives the Presidential
tickets for 1880 as follows: Republican; Grant;
Democratic, General Sherman; Workingmen,
Ben. Butler.
One Frenchman gives to another the following
bit Of advice: SO Jacques, # you keep on quar-
reling with everybody who loves your wife, you
will soon have friends"
The monograph is to be utilized by adding
that machine to all the clocks in the house, as
to accompany their striking with appropriate
remarks as to dinner.
A Wisconsin constable levied on '' the un-
divided half Of gray mule. lie not par
ticular which end he took, and it thirteen
days before he opened his eyes and recognized
his wife.
8. Economy is the road to wealth. But as
itis 298,0O0 miles long, and up hill all the way,
1t doesn't hold out much encouragement to
man who isn't able to travel by rail.
1t was Boston man who went home early
in the morning, and meeting the sad, reproachful
eyes of his wife, apologized - My darling, ]
shink you'll be sorry for this when you git
shober."
\ gorgeous English swell leading a dog,
inquired at n railway station, 50 Must |, aw,
take aw ticket for a puppy" The bewildered
clerk regarded him for moment and then re-
replied, - No, sir, you can go as ordinary
Ferson.'
Somebody estimated that every man who
lives to be sixty years old has spent seven months
buttoning his shirt collar. Thirty years more
ought to be added for hunting up the collar
button.-BridgePort Standard.
According to the tables in the arithmetcs
four roods make one acre, but we have known
one acher to make one rude. The acher was on
his foot and friend tramped on it. 1t was an
acher of corn, as 1t were, and thereafter the
friend was s. corn-dodger.''
Two wealthy wood-carvers in Massachusetts,
have founded Il home for destitute members of
the craft. Why don't of wealthy
poets found a home for destitute poets? This
could be done by roofing in two conti-
nents.-Danbury Nesos.
An absent-minded Monroe (Conn.) man went
TO church recently with his overcoat, as he sup
posed, on his arm, but the laughing of the peO
pie in church called his attention to the garment,
which was pair of trowsers, whose suspenders
were dangling about his legs.
Somebody in the Louisville Courier Journal
wildly suggests that since most of the writing
in newspaper Offices is done with lead pencils,
At would be well to reconstruct Richelieu's
aphorism thus The pencil called the Faber's
more potent than the sabre
Saws the Loneon Examiner: Dull counIes
get on together the most affectionatey Dull
people now quick to discover that their lives
are dull, and they take each others uninterest-
edness part of the natural order of things
in this world and not conscious of a
want.
1t is dangerous TO ask many questions.
gentleman cOmplmented I lady by telling her
thpt she had one of the best voices in the world
So far so good. She was not quite satisfied,
foweFer, and, hoping for still further praise,
;, I'd to him coyly and meekly, So Why do you
say 60, sir?' That fatal interrogation,
for he Immediately replied, - Because, madame,
if Won I,adn't it would have been worn out long
ago"
oh beav ems, save my wile!' shouted man
whose wife b. I'd fallen overheard in the Hudson
river recently They succeeded in rescuing her,
and he said :. My dear, if you'd been drowned,
what should ba We done? L amt going to let you
carry the pocket-b, 'ok again
young lady was inquiring of her old nurse,
the widow OF a pei 'siOner, how she got on.
- Badly enough, darln Vt. only the Government
intends to do something Tor US" !" And what's
Government, Nora?'' - Is 1t Jokln ye are, miss?
Sure, every child knows what's Government
It's half dozen gentlemen and sich as they
may be, that meets and tn inks what's best
for us-and that Government.
Edison's latest invention, says an exchange,
the nicotinograph, Will be blessed boon to
smokers All that is necessary is to charge it
once with 4 fifty-cent cigar, when the flavor is
taken up and preserved by the carbon IN the
receiver, and by the electric action of four-ceL
battery is capable of indefinite reproduction.
Thenceward it is only necessary to supply the
machine with Connecticut leaf, and the smoke
bears the aroma of choice Havana.
's suppose you have been to your Lodge
she scornfuIIy inquired, when she opened the
door upon him suddenly at midnight. The door
had maIiciously refused response to every effort
Blinks had made on the lock with section OF
pretzel he held in his hands - No, no, my
DEAR" Blinks replied with gushing eandor,
--- see 7 stopped al a (hic) st-cwh'rr foS'y
roy way lome-t'help church loas, you
.u.a- 5hs CL.c) bclri-5 soured on ny st9m-
--ca- Clfound alraWb ~ fes ivals anyTay
='ar.y "a the seas5a iast one'N take me IN
t5. Tui5n