Connecticut western news., 1878-08-29
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT AND WISDOM.
 The lap of luxury-A cat eating cream.
 A speaking ikeness-Your twin brother.
 Some men are as unsatisfactory as soapy door-knob, and twice as slip pery.
 Framing ones self iz like chewing gum the more yu do it, the more yu want to. ... a#.
 A Colorado girl, Miss Eunice Stone, always kisses the editor she visits. Oh Eu-nice Stone.
 The woman who maketh good pud- ding in silence is better than she who maketh tart reply. When the world has once got hold of lie, it is astonishing how hard it is to get it out of the world. The worst thing about mosquito is its long soliloquy as to when and where it had better settle down and bite.
 Did you ever notice how surprised you were when you put your foot on the next stair step and found there wasn't any? G..
 =" Whats the man yelling atP" asked an Illinois farmer of boy. Why" chuckled the boy, "he's yelling at the top of his voice."
 -"Clergymen," remarks an exchange, "ike railway brakemen, do great deal of coupling" An yes and the coupled ones do all the switching.
 -"What age do you think I am" asked lady of Mirabeau. "I don't know, madam but whatever it is, you don't look it, was the reply. Correspondents say that many of the summer resorts are short of men this season. Would'st know tue wherefore The men orc ~ short" themselves. At social gathering few days since, the following toast was proposed and drank l" In ascending the hill of prosperity may we never meet friend"
 A farmer found potato-bug on his dinner-table, the other day, and thus to the bug he calculated :" Good heavens have you got to have your potatoes cooked this year9" -..- a.s-.
 Industry does not always pay. Let a husband be seen oiling the hinges of the doors in his house, and his wife will at once charge him with intending to re- main out till after midnight
 Some one said to man who had seen much of the world: "A certain person has been talking about you" "That surprises me-" said the other, "fol have never rendered him any ser vice."
 If man works for week and gets nothing for his labor, he takes it for bad luck aud says nothing; but when he spends five minutes sharpening lead pencil and the point breaks off he swears like a madman.
 That man." said Kate, ito love for mo Is sure very slave. .....
 Fen tho 'tis full a year since To him the mitten gave"
 "Oh then, he's not slave, said Prue,
 As OCT her face there fitted .. A roguish smile, "you just confessed
 That he was manumitted."
 A Michigan man by feeding tramp accidentally found long-lost brother of his wife. We suppose, says the BreGk- fast 7a6le, this should be taken as ter rible warning against something or other, because he has had to keep on feeding him ever since.
 An old Irish soldier, who prided himself upon his bravery, said he had fought in the battle of "Bun Run." When asked if he had retreated and made good his escape as others did on that famous occasion, he replied: "Be jabers, those that didn't run are there yit!''
 An old man in the refreshment trade was telling some of the boys the other day that he once knew young lady who missed an offer of marriage by refusing to partake of ice cream. The unanimous verdict of his auditors was that the op- portunities of that kind go to waste in present times. .... .....@,
 Three little boys on a recent Sab bath were met on tho street by an cid rly gentleman, who, perceiving that they had bats and ball with them, asked one of the number this question: Boy, can you tell me where all naughty boys go who play ball upon SundayP" "Over back of Johnson's dam," the youngster replied. .. ... ".Hv+3 ....
 A country deacon went on @ free ticket to circus entertainment. His pastor remonstrated with him on the wickedness of so doing. But he made answer, Why, you see, pastor, | had deadhead ticket, and I thought it was my bounden duty to go and keep somebody out of that seat who might have been harmed by the circus" The pastor ac- cepted the deacon's explanation as about half satisfactory.
 Some "real North American In dians are masquerading at the Paris ex- position in disguise consisting of beads, buckskins and paint. The Parisians are led to believe this is their, native cos- tune, whereas Americans know we'll enough that in his habitat the Indian of the period wears an old stovepipe hat. dilapidated trousers, and coat with . whisky bottle in the pocket