West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-04-06
EVERY DAY SPICERIES.

Ir is more blessed to give than to re-
ceiNe, but it's not 80 popular.-H Louis
Journal.
How to keep nm umbrella" is the
title of newspaper article. We know.
Dig n hole sixteen feet deep and bury il.
Camden Post.
DON'T bc afraid TO lick on postage
stamps. The printers make their muci-
lage from potatoes and thin il down with
peach brandy.-Ncw Orleans PicGyune.
WHATS the difference between cattle
driving and the middle of the month
One's y the ldes of March and the others
the march of hides, Philddeiphid But-
kctin.
THE decoration mania seems to have
had its run, and now some families will
perhaps find time TO clean off the front
steps and wash the windows Detroit
Free Press.
A LADY accosted boy standing at a
gate on Second street with, " Sonny, is
there 10 be a mum socialherc to-nightW
He said, "No, num-" She passed. d.-Mddi-
SON Courier.
a SCORE of full-botn Americans will
move three wagon-loads of lumber TO un-
cover a poor old rat, where cash offer
of fifty cents each would have no effect.
Free Press.
II there is anything that will tempt n
paragraphist TO swear il is to think up n
JOKE bound To convulse the country, and
then forget itbefore he can write it down.
--BostOR Post.
CHICAGO revenue oflicersare beginning
to complain of their inability to tell by
the aroma whether house contains an
Illicit still or n sleeping Alderman
Brooklyn Args
REV. JOSEPH Cook says that "Dar-
wins hypothesis of pangeneses involves
several untenable lesubsidiary hypothesis"
Very few people supposed IL was AZ bad
as that.--NoyrsfOwn HerdH.
PERSONS contributing spring poetry
will be required to hand in the names of
the friends whom they have selected as
pail bearers,-not for publication, but
as evidence of good faith Worcester
Press.
HAVE you a Chaucer" asked
young lady, looking in at bookstore.
The polite clerk replied no, he never
used it; but there was a tObacconist's
just two doors abOve.-C Commercial Id
Uertiser.
IT bothers good many people TO tell
whether the landscape painter has de-
generated, or the chrome printer reached
the climax Of art. About all the diff
ference there is is in the price.--Detron
Free Pres.
THERE - grove ON earth's broad chart
But has some bird 10 cheer IL;
80 Hope sings on In every heart,
Although we may not hear H.
And II to-day the heavy wing
OF sorrow II opprossng,
Perchance tO-mOrTow's sun will bring
-Pih Sal. Eren. Post
" WHATS your occupation, BubW
asked visitor at the Capitol Of bright
boy whom he met in the corridor. The
boy happened 10 be page in the House.
/ am running for Congress, SIR" he
replied.---NetO York Commercial Aduer-
ttscr.
REV. Mr. MURRAY is in favor of
having fathers play cards with their
boys 10 keep them at home in the eve
nings. Mrs. Origins has written TO the
pastor 10 find out whether she ought TO
have n keg Of beer and a few stale her
rings in the cellar 10 keep theold man at
home Of nights. Bredkfast Table.
LITTLE boy, when your mother turns
you across her knee, you're transparent.
-BostOn POst. Because, you see, she
puts panes into you.-N T. Nail. And
she takes away your wind-ohl-M y
Graphic. Rather an on-kneesy situation
for the ]. b. YonkerS gazette.
WHEW Mr. Baker took h wife
A buHOm little dear,
He fenced her in with both his arms
And whispered in her ear,
Now do ] promise thee my love,
ho'er from thy side 70 60;
For like all bakers, little one,
daily need my doe"
-- Y0ntsrs Gdssffs
The kllephone is the reverse Of the
telephone by using it you can avoid
hearing chatterbOx not foot distant,
and cats may howl all night on your
ridgepOle without your knOwingit Even
your neighbor's cornet becomes innox-
ious, and the hand-organ loses its sting.
LOiccH COUrier.