Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-11-22
F. U ~ !!

SHE THOUGHT SHE KNEw.-The pas
sengers in the sleeping coach were j nst
doing off when something howled OUT
ssOw-wow-wow -
"Great dragons; there's a young one
aboard p growled fat man from the up
per berth. 'sI'll bet a hundred dollars none
of US can get wink of sleep tonight
s.Wow-wow!' whined the child.
''There he goes again. growled the fat
man Il never travel but what l run
across some ones offspring
s'Who's that talking p called the moth
er Of the child in loud voice.
ssMe!" answered the fat man. "Why
didn't you either leave the child at home
or stay at home yourself %
.sAre you talking to me?" demanded the
woman.
Eyes, ma am, am. I say it is shame
to bring a sick child into a sleeping car to
disturb twenty or thirty people,"
fare you father % she asked.
s'No, haint.''
Nor mother ?? she continued.
"No, ma 'am.'
s'Well, sir,' she said, as she pOked her
head through the curtain, ''when you have
been the mother of eleven children, moved
forty eight times, lived IN nine different
states. and worn one corset right along for
fifteen years, you'll begin to think you
know your own business. l think know
mine, and if this taby wants to howl he's
going to do it, if ] have to come over there
and kick ton and a half OF cOnceit out of
you p
A Snowman, travelling with panorama
of scenes from the Bible, met a Yankee.
and on learning that tie could play the
piano, engaged him to play appropriate Sc
lectiOns after each picture of his show that
night. The curtain rose, revealing the re-
turn Of the Prodigal Son, upon which the
player struck up, 'When Johnny Comes
Marching Home.'' The effect produced
was wonderful. Consider yourself en-
gagged to travel with me-" said the show
man, you'll draw better than the
picture.''
''TeIl me, William said Mrs. Jones,
turning over on her sick bed, and looking
unutterable tenderness at her husband
''if | should die you wouldn't marry agar ,
would you ?'-"Not by - sight,
replied William, with great violence, feel
ing softly of his denuded head 'you can
bet your life on it !"-''Ah, William y
said Mrs. Jones, her eyes filling with tears
.'there was never any sentiment about you
worth mentiOning."
1t is safe to say that there would be a
great deal more bread cast upon the Wa
tiers than there is, II people We're only sure
it would be returned to them with ten per
cent interest. It is the uncertainty of The
investment that makes people hesitate.
A poem commences, "Under the willows
he's lying" He must be tramp. The,
lie under all sorts of trees. One was dis
covered lying under an axle tree the other
morning. TIE owner Of t wagon made
him wheelright round and leave.
Do not triAe with the affections Of an
innocent young city girl; do not try to
make friends with mule by squeezing bis
hind foot. Ii you aspire either way you
will find that life is miserable failure.
A clergyman who was recently called ut
to hold services in the State prison a.
Sing Sing, prefaced his remarks to the
prisoners by saying that he was glad /,
see 80 large number present.
An old granger, who Game into town to
purchase piano for his daughter, asked
the agent if he hadn't one with handl,
at the end, $50 we can all give it turn
once in while.'
Vassar college has two Japanese girls
and the Philadelphia ''Chronicle' says il
is an affecting sight to see the America
girls teaching them how to slide down the
balustIade.
The paragraphists have discovered the
best method of heating a street Cal.
eCarry woman a half a block further
than she wants to 60. 1t will be hot
enough"
Love lmpresses its tender image upon al
its environments. Even the scattered pea
nut shells at the front gate Monday morn
ing are silent witnesses of its all-embracina
sway.
The average Goldfish may be possessed Of
loo. 900 eggs, as Prof. Baird asserts, but
we wait him to understand that no hen
loses any of her vested rights on this &C
count.
Six weeks now in which to work up a
proper expression of countenance to carry
when you get up from slippery sidwalk
and hear the boys laughing.
1t is now an established IA t that the
female mosquito only bites; the male does
the sitting on tie Tail and growing about
the hard times.
When man sticks his head into tn,
water bucket to drink, does that brinf
a,iaa within th- pail of good society?
Paddor matches don't 60 off any bette
though they make more fuss, than thos
made over the front gate.
The man who is waiting for somethin
10 turn up generally fisds it when he step
on a barrel-hoop.
A bad marriage is like an electric ma
chine-it makes you dance, but you can
let it 60.