The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-12-07
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Some people are like green lobsters-they
never know when to let go when you shake bands
with them.
Ben Butler, in the estimation of many people,
is a good deal like popcorn. The more be is
roasted the more he grows.
When Virginia gentleman asks another to
drink, he bandly says, I" Shall we give the
public debt lift?'' And they lift.
Beauty nipped in the waist is like rose
nipped in the bud. 1t is the shortest lived. and
falls off the quickest.
81 Knew him ?'' cried the Emerald Islander, in
tone which comprehended knowledge of more
than one life, :. knew him when his father was
n boy
1t is now an established fact that the female
musquito only bites the male does the sitting
on the rail and growing about hard times.
Chicago possesses a precocious female orator in
Miss Rowe, aged l3 years, and the hardened
sinner of the Burlington HalcEeye speaks of her
as another Sissy-Rowe.
First Pat "a cheer for Gladstone is it?
Any thrue Irish paythriot 'ud curse his name -
Second Pat ''Arrah ! why, now ?'' First Pat
' Sorra the man livin' mas done so much to de-
priye US iv our grievances ~
Five months ago ST. Louis doctor removed
the under jaw of a cancer patient and fitted him
with new one of silver. Recently he told
reporter ''Oh, the mans dead but the opera
tion was successful
Some moralizing philosopher has discovered
that '' Heaven gave women tongues to ask ques-
tions with and eyes to give answers with Our
observation is that the tongue goes into the an
sweriug business pretty lively sometimes.
Speaking of bathing, our venerable friend Mrs
PartingtOn says: - Some persons battle with
perfect impurity in water cold as Greenand's
icy mountains and India's coral strands, but for
my, own part, L prefer to have the water
little torpid
London paper says: Bayard Taylor has
found place in the affections of the Germans
already. He pats the girls on the head, {" talks
Dutch y to the old women, and sits in eventide
with the men. and hoarsely calls out, Z" Waiter
s'more lager"
Said an orator at the wOman's rights congress
at Paris: 80 We were born naked, and vet
society makes cover ourselves with clothes, to
earn which we have to work and labor. Such
anomalies as these will rapidly disappear when
cur rights are conceded
An indianapolis barber, who abandoned his
business and went into the ministry, was sudden
ly called upon, one Sunday, to baptize three can
dIdates. He got along very well, but after bap-
tizing the first he astonshed his congregation by
Justify shouting, " nextl''
Commissioner LeDuc is advocating the manu-
facture of sugar from Indian corn. This looks
like deliberate attempt to divert corn from its
proper use and run up whisky to appalling fig
ures. kearney should call this man lecher-
10 Of haTIf
Let Bismarck sharpen up the teeth of his
Cortschakoff dog. Citizen Drury of New York
subscribes twenty-five cents Citizen Swinton
two dollars, and Citizen Schwab one dollar
toward '' overthrOwing the imperial court party
in the German empire
Here is good verse IN poem ELECTED by the
discussion of the question of future rewards and
punishments:
It's easy enough for the lovers of sin to
Believe in no heaven they cannot get into.
And natural too. for the wicked, 10 doubt of
hell which the- fear they cannot keep out Of.
Among the peeuliarities of courting in Texas
is that the young feller - is occasionally asked
to step outside the house and hold an annie or
potato for the girls brothers to shoot at and it
is considered highly unsociable not to comply.
Ii is equally noteworthy that the well-to-do
Young sUitor never gets hit.
Arthur (who had been listening with breath
less interest to one of grandpa's Bible stories)-
'sAnd were you in the ark, grandpa. along of
Noah and all the rest of 'em ?' Grandpapa
(indignantly)-'' No, sir, certainly notI' Ar
thur Then how is it you wasn't drowned -
Punch.
From the time boy is eight years old until he
is thirteen he devOtes two solid hours of every
day of his busy life to learning how to make a
new kind of noise. By the time he is thirteen
years old he has accumulated noise enough to
last him the rest of his le and use three kinds of
noises the same day, tOo.-BurhRgtOR HG,ckeye.
The Sunday School scholar may still unceas-
ingly toll on with the problems in his catechism
and yet limp on the answer to the first question
but give him far chance at one session of a
circus, and if he can't sing the choruses of all
the clowns songs and whistle the air to the first
mart, he is not American bred.-FuIton Times
A gentleman being threatened with an infec-
tous fever said to his little son. who in an affec-
tionate mood wished to embrace him, You
mustn't mug me you'll catch the fever; Will
lie. standing back, looked in amazement upon
his papa, who, by the way, is pattern of pro-
priety, and quickly asked, ' Why, papa, who did
vou hug ?''