The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-04-18
WIT AND HUMOR.


BORDER troubles-M Matching wall
paper.
WHEN is prisoner like gun? When
he is discharged.
The motto for lovers is, Sc, plural
buss, yum, yum r
THE best spring medicine is a walk
down town in the morning.
No ONE but coward strikes in the
dark, and then he only strikes light.
IF were in the sun and you were
out of it, what would the sun become?
Sin.
How to make q barrel of -four go a
great way-Seud it to the starving Chi
nese.
"Is IT possible to fy?" If her father
wears No. IL boot it is not only posi-
BILE, but imperatively necessary.
AN exchange says: "No living
thing can go 80 slow as boy going on
an errand." Except boy returning
from one.
Do LEWIS says man need not sneeze
unless he wants to. He has figured it
up, and finds that by not sneezing q
man can save nearly 81 year.
"YoU are a nuisauce-T'll commit
you," said an offended Judge to noisy
person in court. "You have no right to
commit nuisance" said the offender.
"SrR," said lady to would-be wag,
"your jokes always put me in mind of
ball." "Of ball, madam Why so,
pray p Because they never have any
point"
A FR-FETCHED joke: In Alabama
they chew the tassels of the fir tree as a
substitute for tobacco. Which reminds
us of the old adage, "Be fr-chewers
and you'll be happy"
ONE may study nature all his lifetime
and yet never be able to explain why the
man who misses one step in going down
stairs is certain to miss three or four
more before he brings up.
A BOY in Baltimore is about to die of
pinch on the arm by woman. We
insist once more that the men and boys
of our suffering country shall go armed
and equipped. Buffalo HcpresS.
ONE who has probably realized thus
soliloquizes: emo living wife knows her
own value. It is only when railroad
company comes to be sued that hus-
band begins to learn what treasure he
| has lost"
Elf one could change himself into
any animal he pleased, . said pompous
young man, 81 think I should prefer to
change myself into an ass" "That
wouldn't be much of change" sneered
satirical young lady.
A DANBURY boy was taken to task by
his mother for striking a companion.
She told him he must ask the forgive
ness of the wronged one. He went up
to him and whispered through his
clenched teeth: "I've got to ask you to
forgive me for hitting you, an you'd
better speak right up st once that you
do, or I'll give you something to remem-
ber." The victim spoke up-DanbsWy
NeaOS.
a.. MATUTTNAL JRSTS,
From the Breakfast Tablet
What a splendid soldier O'Leary
would make in retreat
IF Edison's health don't give way he
will keep on till he makes d whistle out
of pigs tail. .&maa-s.
Don't emigrate to Georgia if you are
unhappily married. It takes eighteen
months to get divorce down there.
An Indiana editor has discovered that
quiet women are feared more than those
who bristle around and make big
noise. Paste that on the mirror.
Edison has got his phonograph so far
along that whenever it yeIIs out, "There
now!'' every married man in the room
throws up both hands to shield his head
and lodges under the table.
When Voltaire wrote to friend, 81
hate life, and yet / am afraid to die,
he resambled, to a certain extent, a
small boy of our acquaintance. Said S.
b. hates dirt, and yet he is afraid to
wash. tWs.ssle .<
You may talk about woman being
tickle and changenble till you grow
tired OF your own voice, but IN one par
ticular you will find her always the same.
She never gets too OLD to take an inter-
est In love story. -4a ,l.rsf..t.t
Hot weather viii bring back the mos
quito, to be sure, as hungry and restless
as ever; but then it will quiet the roar
of the oyster man, and the orange fend
will fill his cart with potatoes and sing
new song in the suburbs.
According to the tables in the arith-
metics, four roods make one acre, but
we have known one acher to make one
rude. The acher was ON his foot, and
friend tramped on it. It was an acher
of corn, as it were, and thereafter the
friend was corn-dodger.
In China, as in all other countries,
Y,,orr;or,o 10 10oLo1 r1r@r7, oc 4ho y,1-inoiroo1