River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1878-09-26
HumOr Of the Day.

A wit said of piece where the scenery
required to be changed necessarily that
it was "a very moving play
Gusse-Lizzle darling. why do you
wear another woman's haIri Lizzie
Gussie dear, why do you wear anothe
ca, mean, why do you wear calf,
skin on your hands2
Aunt Mary-Here, Ethel dear, / have
brought YOU some honey drops. Mamma
On, how nicel Ethei must save them
ill she has a cough. Ethel (afler wait
ing two or three minutes)-l've got a
cough now.
"Now, then, madame, please look
steadily at this place on the wall, sald 8
photographer to an old lady, when he
had put her in position and the plate IN
the camera The old lady looked hard a.
tie spot indicated, then got up and
walked across tie floor aud infinitely in
spected it, and then, turning to the pho
togrlpher, gently remarked, Il dunt see
anything there
Two Highlanders, killed in primitive
order, dropped inadvert6 nifty into an
| Episcopal chapel on Sunday, and seated
| themselves in a comfortable pew. Hav
ing never been in an Episcopal chapel be
| fore. their establishment cannot be de
scribed on beautiful symphony being
struck up by the oTganist. 1T that IN
/ slant a gentleman came to take posses
sion OF the seat, and civilly laid his hand
on the shoulder of one Of them, and
pointed to the door. "Hout, toatl cried
| The Highlander, "tak out Donald there
| he be far better dancer than me-"
To know whether a garden has been
I planted or not, a paper gives the follow
| ing rule: IF one forgeta whether beds
/ are planted or not, q good way TO tell Is
to turn stray cat into the garden. u
the beds are planted the cal will proceed
/ to race round and dig into them, and act
as If it had relatives in CHRIS whom It
was anxious to get at; while, ii they are
nor, it will sit dogyn calmly IL the path
and seem to be indicating on the
| progress Of missionary woIk IN Africa. 4
eats instinct seldom aaceiyes IN this
matter"
! The matr9ns of society are complain
/ ing Of the gross want CT poiteness *
( hibited by the young men ofthe dAY, vino
/ it seems, as rale, ignore the X. = F.P. OF
invitation cards, and leave the hostess In
/ doubt as to me number Of guess she
may expect One Of these insolenr youths
received a neat rebuff when, on drawing
! forth as the excuse for not having written
"Oh. YOU know, now meu don't answer,
he was met by the remark, mo, ncn do
MOI swer, but gentlemen do
The other night two Eogiisbmen enter
ed the pit of a German theater, and as
soon as the curtain went up one OF them
! began to talk 20 his companion IN their
native tongue. Their neIghbers prompt
IL requested him to be silent WAY
should be silent?' asked the unwelcoIne
visitor. because every body is here to
listen" somebody replied. con the con
trary, am here to speak" THAT Is o
/ poor lest" tN0t at all. I am an inter-
prefer, and as such have been paid 20
translate the piece to this gentleman as 1t
! goes on"
"rhroughout he hot and dusty day
The sprinkling sprinkler sprinks it, way
Aud sprinklts sprn liugs rp aud Gown
The sprinkful precincts OF the tow'.
In vain have sprinkted ladies swore
At crossings sprinkly sprink'ed DER;
In vain the sprighly sprnkIng hoots
Who sees the sprinkler sprnk his boots;
That sprinkling sprinkler spr.nkles on
Until its spriuk!ing sprlnk is done,
Nor pauees for cure or thank
OniGSs It's AHdl spIiiN - ann
Here is a naval story. not dozen years
old, which reveals the amusing ignorance
of senior officer in matters outside his
profession a lieut., nant on board an
English guardship applied to his captain
for leave 10 go on shole. IT was reused.
He asked again; the same answer, more
peremptory than before. He rereat d
his request ano asked for reasons Of
refusal. Both were still obstinateiy with
held "But sir" he eApostglated, "if
ask for leave, and you refuse it without
giving me any reasons, | shall walk about
the deck with stigma on my back" 1By
George. sir, cried the irate and rather
unreasonable captain, "if | catch you
waking mp end down her Majesfys deck
with any thing but her Mejestys uniform
on your back, Iii have you tried by
court-martlal."
Just before q late thunderstorm man
stepped into ii telegraph oftiae and re-
quested the privilege Of talking through
the telephone with his wife, who was
visiting The managers wife at distant
telegraph station. The assistant manager
granted the request, and the man began
operations. lie Couldn't be prevailed
upon to believe that it was really his wife
who was talking TO him, and she so many
miles away. He finally ask d her - say
or do something known to themselves
only, that he might be convinced tbat IL
was she. just then moling streak eff
lightning came on the wires, biting the
husband violently on the mead, when he
jumped to his feet and exclaimed am
satisfied, all correct