The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1878-04-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

BOUND to occur-A muzzle.
A wEbL-KNowN girl of the period-Em-
Bezzle.
WHEN Deadwood miner is asked to
choose his weapon, he generally takes
his pick.
ANIMALS lick each other from motives
of affection. The reverse is generally
the case with man.
How TO start roomer nowadays--Just
let his landlady ask him for the next
weeks board in advance.
TIME at last sets all things even, with
the exception, perhaps, of a hen that is
not ready.-OH City Derrick.
A SUNDAY SCHOOL boy, upon being
asked what made the Tower of Pisa lean,
replied, because of the famine in the
land."
SITTING BULL doesn't believe in the
straight and narrow path. He says the
warp path suits him.-AurorG (IU.)
Daily NeUs.
CoNUNDRUM by q cockney: Why is
fling condition Because he would like
little fresh air.
"D1D you do nothing to resuscitate
the body ?" was recently asked of wit
ness at Coroner's inquest. eyes, sir !;
we searched the pockets" " was the reply.
A BARKING dog never bites, but
the same measure of confidence isn't to
be placed IN o buzzing bee, even if he
does go to war backwards.-BroOkUiIte
Democrat.
A LADY of Chicago, who was buying
pair of pantaloons for her son, on being
asked by salesman how large her boy
was, replied, "About six inches taller
and somewhat smarter than you are"
"WHY, Sammy" said father to his
little son, the other day, 81 didn't know
that your teacher whipped you last Fri
day." ''I guess, he replied, if you'd
been in my trousers, you'd know'd it. "
SAID a young doctor to a lady patient:
"You must take exercise for your
health, my dear "All right" said
she; ''1'l jump at the first offer. !"
They were married about Six months af-
terwards.
SuaaEsTIvE.-Wh Angelina and Ed
win first married they took a sweet little
villa, and called it the birds Nest ;"
they have since removed to commodi-
GUS house, which they have named the
"Hen-Coop."
"THE girls of our day are very badly
educated" said one of the members of
committee on education to the Bishop
of Gloucester. "That cannot be de-
nied, - retorted his Lordship. However,
there is one consolation, the boys will
never find it ont"
A SOUTHERN paper regrets that some
thing cannot be done toinduce the blacks
in some of the overcrowded sections to
emigrate to Liberia. 1t never occurred
to the editor to start report that they
raise telmelons as big as cow over
there. breakfast Table.
CRUMBS FROM THE BREAKFAsT-TABLE.
| If money could be borrowed as easily
! ss trouble, how round shouldered some
men would soon become
! The poets have nothing to fear from
"Chinese cheap labor" John never
fools around an EDITORS waste basket.
Some men will work harder TO drown
neighbor's cat than they would to get
mule of their own out of quagmlre.
! The man with liver like tramp will
have to stump around considerably be-
fore he can find sadder subject for
contemplation than the face Of hack
man st funeral.
The pathway of life is full of difficult
ties, but Griggins says he has about
made up his mind that one of the hard
ert things in the world for man to do
is to admit to his wife that he has been
in the wrong.
A Connecticut man told his wife he
intended to have purgatory on the top
of his new house, meaning an obserV-
atory.-EUchange A good many men
can find all the purgatory they care
| about on-the inside of the house.
When you catch an Engishman away
from home without an umbrella, over
coat. and hand sachel containing shaw
ing tools and lunch enough to scare
famine, you have your eye on man toe
absent minded to remember his wife
maiden name.
Ulysses lodged the sirens by lashing
| himself 20 the mast and pouring melted
wax into the ears of his sailors ; but,
while eyesight remains, the female book
agent is not to be circumvented, wheI
she makes Up ner mind man shall IN
crease his stock of reading matter.
Take from the human breast the
bright CLEAN of hope that tempers al
ills and paints the uncertain future IL
radiant colors, and where would the
man be who comes out as candidate
fer county office, and finds himself fol
lowed by twenty-seyen competitors?