The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-01-08

Or . nevspaporial Sewing Society
which DioCusoeth Much That -
Interesting.

Hurrah for 1873!
We feel like that Kentucky fellow
"rm Q ward vide, and all WOOL !"
There's nothing 20 invigorating - The
commencement of New Year, unless it ID
putting the old one in the Express Office on
New Years Eva
If ve had anything to do With Il. every
week would be composed Of Christmas
and New Ye.m. and every Saturday
night should BE- . Centennial Fourth OF
july, Ere works and all (!
That's the kind Of an eight day clock We
are.
Talking about Christmas, did yon hear
that joke on old Duffsy? Its rich, you
bet:
Mr.. DuHey Vas apparently very much
annoyed the other night. when, ~ he was
sneaking up the front stains At 2:SO .. m.
he was confronted BY Ms Duiey, Who de-
manded what he meant by coming home
in that condition. "-Sh!" whispered Mr..
Dufey, huskily, placing an unsteady I'm
ger upon his lip, "Sh Donsp-hic, don
speak s'loud, Christmss night; I'm jusht
pl.y'n Sh.mmy Claws TOOL ch-hic Ito
fool ch-hic !-ildren."
But You cant fool . married woman that
vay-no, sir. They're up to snuff. Old
Potts went home one night, 20 the story
Roes, and tried that same old trick. He
snaked up stairs, easy like, you know, and
got his clothes of in good style. Then
slipping into bed, he turned his
back on his wife. and pretended to
20 to sleep; but she hit him .
Dig in the ribs, and yelled out in her Call
the-ck,ldren voice You needn't turn
your back to me. Mr.. Potts, for you're
drunk clear through
Oh, its horrible vice, intoxication is
"A monster of such horrid mien.
That 70 be hated, needs but BE- seen.
But seen too oft, familiar with its fare.
We fret endure, then pity, and then embrace"
Yes, Sem brace It. Call for aour mash,
look the barkeeper square in the eye, grace
fully tilt the tumbler on three fingers "a
your lips. gently elevate the bottom Of the
goblet, and you feel . warm streak ol
sunshine meandering down your throat
until it comes to an inward precipice, wher,
it tumbles of In perfect cascade of glory
Yea, its horrible vice, and its . dernei
pity its 20 wicked. Anything 20 good n
sour mash ought to be virtue. That
Lake Ere Fiend has just got new lie of
the stocks about that vice. And here it is
IL was amusing to see the air of impor
entered woodward avenue restaurant yes
terday. He coughed loudly, put his hand
to his breast pocket, and said TO the pro-
prietor:
"Ahem-ah-I suppose you have ~ines!'
"Yes, SIR"
II suppose you have wines ct for my
family b0ardT
II have"
"And-ahem-you could let me taste I
sample, l suppose
Il can" answered the proprietor. and HI
handed down . wine-bOttle which be had
filled with beer -slops, molasses and butter.
milk for Just such occasions. The old franc
took . deep "swig." Get the bottle down
and - he drew his mouth clear around owe
the right shoulder-blade said:
"Thst goes right to the spot! I'll call il
ct noon and have you send up twelve bot
tIesr
When he got out doom he seemed unde
cided whether 10 hold his mouth open Of
shut. and now and then he INDUCED in
horse-like congh. He halted and looke'
into . candv-store for . minute, but hi
mouth didn't water. On the contrary, hi
scowl darkened, and - he turned away b
eaid:
"Waugh! I wouldn't even lick grind
stone If it was sugar-costed J"
Just like people vho live up on tn
Lakes, for it IL said there's man in Chica
70 whose feet are 10 big that he has to pu
his stockings on over his he.d. Speakin
Of Chicago, reminds us Of the following:
"What is the matter With you Z" inquir
ed . gentleman, who had called to zee hi
neighbor, Germsn of Chicago. "Vell,
don't knov-it Is de govt but W should
have himr 'Perhap," suggested hi
friend, "it IL hereditary" Il dink il
redhedit.ry; I remember my vife's uncl
have him."
No man can ever think Of Chicago with
out recurring to the drummer. 1t was Their
the drummer was born-he grows sponta
neously in that latitude, and is the indigo
nous product of the oose in Chicago river
Drat him! But this 10 the way they d
him in Texas:
Not drum vas heard. not . funeral note
A. hi: corpse to the outskirts they hur
ried;
Not Q ranger discharged his farewell shot
Der the grave where the stranger Va
buried.
They buried him darklv : at dead Of nigh,
And without any pomp or pageant;
And they shoveled him in they said, "Al
right
He was only lightning rod agent.
While on drums and drummer, "
might mention that Geneveive Roger, vii
appear in Smith'e Hall % Maud Millei
Who raked the hay. We raked the ha!
once, bat never saw any judge ride up-th
only Judges around were those who Assem-
bled around the little brown jug under tn
shade of the tree. But about Miss Rogers
Q story I'll relate. A we'll known lawye
of Dallas, Texas, hitherto believed to b
proof ag~inst womans charms. fell owe
head and ean in love upon seeing Ma
Rogers the 6rst time. acting in Maud Null
Ter. He did not like to run the risk Of
refueal BY writing . note soliciting IN ia
terview, 20 he tried to bribe the waiter VII
carried the actress' meals to her room to X
him Gil that Office only once, bat all to n
purpose. Mss Rogers left Dallas ignoran
of the wreck she made. So thatt how
raked the hay.
Every day We are convinced that tn
number of ill-bred people are on the ia
crease, and are PANIED to zee it We a.
reminded Of the youth Who blew his nos
-. L.. &c., - f.o~t ~ th~ ~~hool