Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-01-24
Hunor.

Where should lady 90 for q bus-
band? 10 a gentleman's FURNISHING
store, of course. ''i'''s
A negro kissed white girl in Cob,m
bia, South Carolina. and She shot hin,
through the heart. nm
Talking to her husband in Iond
tone of voice is punished by sending
a Persian wife to Jail for thirty days.
There is one trouble greater than
carving turkey. 1t consits in not
having turkey to carve.
The sizzle of frying doughnuts can be
heard by telephone considerable dis
lance; Another machine is to be per-
fected to transmit the smell.
1t is now held that the fixed stars
were placed so far away in order that
the patent medicine man couldn't oct
there to paint on the rocks.
A shoddy gent saw an Irish artisan
waiting in his hail: Hello. YOU fellow.
do you want me?' "No, Yer honor,
I'm waiting for gintleman."
An old bachelor says Eve was a true
woman. She never would have got
into trouble if it wasn't for the salts
faction of getting somebody else in the
same fix.
A Vermont judge sentenced and fined
young lady In that state for receiving
stolen kisses, on the principle that "the
partaker is as bad as the thief"
1t depends on a good many things
whether man is a hero or not. But
In the case of drowning woman whom
he has seized by the hair, it all hangs on
whether her switch is false or not.
They have struck borax bonanza in
Nevada, and the Wisconsin Gazette ap-
prehends that Senator Jones will now
demand the demonstration of the borax
dollar.
The Brooklyn Eagle inquiries, "What
is Christianity" Christianity, my boy,
is seeing a fellow-mortal slip down on
the sidewalk without reminding him
that he has dropped something"
She who travels through life afoot and
alone for forty ysars, may often yearn
for manly breast to lay her head
against, but her hands are tree from
callous places and broken nails, caused
by pulling off her husbands boots.
Life is but a dream-a fleeing dream
a" Just then some one stepped on
his corns, whereat he exclaimed, with
objurgations, and the dream has
feeted"
A LOOMS school-teacher, finding the
apples with which he illustrated the =.
motions of the earth, invariably missing,
substituted potatoes, which the youthful
geOgraphers stole and roasted for their
dinners.
The Leipsic police are making war on
ladies' trains in the street. Notice has
been given through the newspapers that
a person whose dress is found trailing on
the sidewalk will be fined.
The difference between noted man
and noted women is said to be that the
men always like to see themselves in
print, and that the women prefer to see
themselves in silks and velvets.
Tibbetts has placed an inverted jug
on his sign-post, at Springvale, Me-, to
signify, as the Reporter says, that the
Maine law is to be the rule of the house
hereafter.
How skillful Job must have been to
successfully navigate the world covered
with boils, never strikes a fellow forcibly
these days, until he is made super
of one ON the back of his
own neck.
1t is one of the most curious things
that man who would seem to have
little household experience, can take
the tightest cork out of catsup bottle
without a corkscrew, while a woman
would be thinking about it.
1t was an old maid who, on somebody
remarking that Man proposes and God
disposes," said she was in a terrible state
of doubt concerning the whole PROPOSE
ton, on account of her inexperience
about the first part of the statement.
The HaaOkeye says the world may
never know what unutterable things a
hotel waiter thinks when he folds his
arms and leans against the wall to gaze
Down upon you in mournful silence
with dreamy eye.