The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1878-02-08
SnnnlI T'nlli.

Walking stirls-Swclls promcnading
The latest bankers song--On in the
Silly nights.
Bnras J. The slcci swnger of the are
ties.
y new umhr Ia case covers Il mulii-
tudc of Sits.
Maids nf honor--lhosc that cling to
their old bcanN.
Glass eyes a, IL general thing are not
rcal-eyc-abe.
"Tm getting fat" rs the thief said
when stealing lard.
Snoring is now politely described as
INDUCING in sheet music. l.,
Blessed is the bachelor pastor, for he
isn't troubled with donation parties.
The st. Louis Journal calls this brio
a-brac, potpourri, salmagundi sort of
a winter.
A Quaker said, Il did not promise to
obey when was married; but | might
as we'll"
A Paris man has swallowed pair of
spectaclcs-doubtles in the way of an
"eye-opener."
| Experience may he dear teacher,
but she isn't any dearer than IL pretty
| schoolma'am.
Time works wonders, as the woman
said when she got married after thir-
teen Years courtship.
Astonished Englishmau-"lIofcou
| there is n he. Wat would the halpha
bet be without u hell
This is sweeping catastrophe, as
the man said when his wife Knocked
him down with broom.
A man laughed at for his short legs
what more can yours do!"
There isn't much difference between
q grasshopper and grass widow. Eli
Their will jump at the first chance.
Among the items in plumbers bill
are: TO searching gas leakage, fifty
cents; to having found it, one dollar.
A wag suggests that a suitable opcn-
ing for many choirs should be, ''Lord,
have mercy on us miserable singers"
1t needs considerable moral courage
for man who is counting 10 map out
and try TO grow a pair of side whiskcrs.
Mr.. Jones was advised to get his life
insured. "Won't do it," he said; sit
would be my luck to live forever if
should"
Thus one By one, the blessings that
make earth beautiful depart. The |
tongueless woman has just died at |
Bootstown, Ohio.
Boiling hair in solution of tea will
darkcn it, says an exchanged but some |
folks don't like to have their tea dark
ened in that way.
\ kitten that is drowned before il
gets its eyes opened is saved the pain Of
growing up and getting its tail pinched
by the woodshcd door.
Give Johnny his skates, and tell him
TO drop in at the undertakers, as he
goes up the park, and say whether he
wants silver handles or not.
1t is now believed that the fixed stars
were placed so far away in order that
the patent medicine man couldn't get
there to paint on the rocks.
Pleasure is manifested in different
ways, but we believe nobody ever heard |
a man sing when he had dropped scmi-
tic of ashes on the back stairs.
The best pumpkin-pics and healtllicst
girls are raised in the country. Any
one can tell this is SO the minute he
tastes of one. The pies we mean.
Shoes from human hide are said to be
tight, though porous and waterproof.
The skins of tramps, book agents aud
lightning-rod peddlers are the best.
An indiscriminatc slaughter of dogs
is threatening. All right, but rcmcm-
Der that every dog killed leaves several
hundred fleas to be cared for and
amused.
The man who said he "would not live
always" has got the dyspepsia, and is
existing on bread and water. He says
always of living are the same to him
now.
An orator once remarked that fortune
always knocked once at every mans
door, when an old Irishman remarked,
"When she knocked at mine, | must
have been out"
'John," asked the doctor of the apolh-
ecary's boy, "did Mrs. Green get the
medicine [ ordcrcd?" 'Igucss so, re-
piled John, "for l saw Grape on the
door-knob this morning"
"Papa," asked little six-year-old
daughter of an uptown physician,
"wasn't Job doctorT "Inever head
that he was. WhyY "Because mann
ma said the other day she didn't think
you had any Of the patients of job"
"That's the sort of umbrella that pco-
pie appropriate" said gentleman TO
companion one morning, showing
very handsome silk parachute. eyes"
rejoined his companion quietly, 81
thought so when | saw you holding it,"
Eminent statisticians have calculated |
that the amount of ingenuity and labor
expended by impecunious topers in get |
ting free drinks would, if devoted To |
any honorable and useful pursuit. pay
of the national debt in little more
than six years and eight months.
A country fellow went one night to
see his sweetheart, and for long time
could think of nothing TO say. At last |
snow beginning to fall heavily, he told
her that his fathers sheep would be lost
"Well," said she kindly, taking him by
the hand, "l'll take care of one of
them.
A stone-cuttcr once received from
German the following epitaph, to be en-
graved on the tombstone of his deceased
wife: "My wife Susan is dead: il she
had lif till next Friday, she'd been dead
shust two weeks. AS tree falls so she
must stand. All things are impossible
nit God.
They were sitting together, and he
was arduously thinking what to say.
when finally he hurst Out In this man