The Lamoille news. (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1877-1881, 1878-10-23
An Affecting Incident.

gan to do work for the Argus as report
er, he came in early in the evening and
wrote the following item ..
"John Wilson was kicked by mule
yesterday on Passyunk avenue"
When Peters handed the item to the
editor, that individual said: ....
Peters, that is too short. 1t is not
full enough. You must expand it a lit
tle."
So Peters sat down and re-wrote it as
follows: ..... .-. e.. -.
Yesterday, at half past twelve
O'Clock, man named John Wilson,
while walking along Passyunk avenue,
near Clinton street, was kicked in the
side by vicious mule, and badly hurt. +"
PETERS," said the editor, as he
looked this over, "this won't do; it is
not sufficiently vivid. What you want
in an item is picturesque quality; you
need the element of Imagination. You
must poetize your items, as it were. I
think I will pay you by the column, so
as to incite you to effort in the proper
direction"
"You want it poetized, do your"
asked Peters. ...
Eyes; work it up with an eye to
dramatic effect" -
"All right, said Peters, "Ill put it
through in the proper style"
So Peters went back to his desk, and
an hour or two later he had produced an
item something like this:
Yesterday (ah | yesterday another
day added to the rolling tide of years
that sweeps backward into the mournful
past bearing with it burden of human
sorrow y an American citizen (proud
title | Prouder than the glittering bau-
bles of rank bestowed upon their crea-
lures by pitiless despots; title that our
revolutionary forefathers bore covered
with halo of glory named (what's in a
name p John "a name borne by some of
the greatest men that ever lived) Will
son, was walking (and no better physi-
cal exercise has ever been discovered.
1t develops every muscle, and gives all
the organs of the body free and active
play down (that is to say southeast,
with slight inclination to the southard)
Passyunk avenue ESQ called because the
Indians gave the title Passy,lnk to the
creek that erst meandered through that
region). 1t was about 1--WE are not posi-
tive as to the very minute) half-past
twelve o'clock (high noon), the glorious
sun was looming through the celestial
vault Of azure at the rate of millions of
miles second (tbat is, apparently loom.
ing, for the astronomers tell us that the
earth moves and not the sum, and shin
ing meantime upon scene of more than
loveliness. A mule Gan animal we'll
known to the early Egyptians, and
traces of which are found upon Baby
lonian bricks stood at the corner of
Clinton street, calmly (the mule is al
ways calm. Where, where on earth is
there a spirit more imperturbed and
less excitable than his p eating with
apparent relish, too) some (perhaps a
dozen pounds) of hay (timothy, we
were informed) from tho tail end of a
wagon. Ut was Jersey wagon, with
out springs, and with yellow wheels. }
Mr.. Wilson, casting his eye (figurative-
ly casting it, of course-not literally
over the frame of the patient animal,
observed burr (such as is pro.
duced in the Jersey swamps in
rich profusion) upon the tail of the
mule. He felt philanthropic impulse
(known only to the hearts of the truly
humane) to remove the tantalizing (the
word is derived from Tantalus, for
which see any classical dictionary
substance, SO as to make the mule
more comfortable. He seized the tail
with his left hand Gf we are correctly
informed) and took hold of the burr.
It stuck, and it is supposed that in
pulling it he must have hurt the mule,
for the mule suddenly let drive with
both feet (hind feet), and struck Mr..
Wilson somewhere in the vicinity Of
the fifth rib. preference to a good
picture of skeleton will enable the
reader to olocate the exact spot.) While
the mule resumed with an appearance
of indifference it's frugal repast, MIR.
Wilson was doubled all up, and his
spirit wandered in the realms of uncon-
sciousness. He (that is Mr.. Wilson, moi
the mule) was--"
At this point Mr.. Peters concluded to
show the item to the editor, to see if il
would suit. ...t..u .geu.
"U you like it, said Peters, I'm
going right along with column or &c
more, giving full account Of Wilson's
misery, an algebraic formula for the cal
culation of the velocity Of a mules hoofs
and a picturesque description of thu
magnificent vista which would have me
Wilson's view if the muscular force O
the mule had been sufficient to hav'
sent him to an elevation as high as th'
snow line. How do you think that vii
do2" Igf3gu ID 5'Eu @H ..is
Then the editor called the cashier
and instructed him to pay Peters t.
date and discharge him, and call po
liceman to put him out if force shoul'
be necessary. ~ ',@
Peters has given up journalism, H
is writing up advertisements for neN
kind of hair-dye Mao Adeter.
II I.t.stlt -l#tut8tI Iihiit .GGu