Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1878-10-22
Newspaper Criticisms.

THE "HAWKEYE'S" CORRESPONDENTS
HOW IT TRIES TO PLEASE EVERY
BODY.
We would like to please everybody
no, We'll take that back. There are two
or three men in this world that we
wouldn't please if we knew how-to
dispiease whom we would get up at
midnight and make ourself Supremacy
wretched, infinitely miserable; but we
would like to please everybody with the
exception above cited. But how are we
going to do it? Read these postal-cards
and notes, the accumulation of few
weeks, and tell us how to reconcile
them tell us what and how to do to
make them ali happy.
THIS ONE MADE US MAD.
mo date or address," The punsters
of the day, by common consent, ridicule
everything that is sacred, good, lovely,
or valuable-God. Christ, the Bible
heaven and hell, life, death, judgment,
and eternity. Forty years ago young
and talented Englishman wrote in a
New York punch" the "Sermon. of
Deacon Snowbalp'-popular, cunning,
cutting, and blasphemous. In a few
years he was a debauched, drunken out
cast, and committed suicide. Later
''Dosticks" wrote hash of something
like the other, repeating his history, all
but the suicide. Nasty, the Danbury
man, the late Current Topicks" man
of the Rochester Democrat, the HdUk-
eye man, and others, are on the same
road to like fate. [ Terminating FLAP
DOODLE" the stuff to feed fools-and had
all better look at I'd Peter. I'd chapter,
18th verse.
We would, you anonymous old limb
of perdition, if it wasn't for Proverbs,
XVI, 4.
BUT THIS ONE PLEASED US.
CRAwFORDsvILLE. Naturalization
HaaOkeye:: You are doing good work.
Your pungent wit, your cutting sarcasm,
your keen thrusts, backed by your in de.
scribable drollery, are just what the
Christian world wants in its fight against
Ingersolism and atheism. 60 on doing
well as you have begun, and keep your
fun to its noblest uses.
A SUBSCRIBER.
Well just have to let those two fight
it out, and may victory hover above the
banners of the scholarly, cultured. and
broad-hearted man of Crawfordsville.-
But here is
ONE THAT SURPRISED US.
ALTON, IND.-Dear Hawkeye. Let
up on the sketches; they are too long,
too prosy, too forced and artificial. Give
us more "Dots," more paragraphs. You
are always happiest with your para
graphs, which have few rivals and no
superiors. J. G. w.
Certainly, certainly; nothing but para
graphs. Paragraphs shall rule the hour.
barrel of funny sketches out of the alley
window. But soft, another postal card ::
ONE THAT sTUNIPs U.s..
LEBANON, O.-Let uc on the para
graphs. Too many stale.puns, too many
Jokes ground, up to fill'up column.
Too much politics. We want more
sketches and better ones.
OLD READER.
OF course, of course; nothing, but
sketches. Blow the paragraphs. What's
paragraphs to US, or us to paragraphs
Warden, attend! Fish up those sketches
and go round to the paper-mills and tell
them to send here for a wagon-load of
paragraphs, two and one-half cents
pound thirty per cent. off for cash.
Hasten, for here is
A PEREMPTORY ONE
BLOoMINGTON, ILL.-Ain't it about
time you shut up shop and let your
Better go off and lay down with the rest
of the played outs. People are getting
sick of fun made to order. Get YOUR
head shaved and go hide yourself.
DISGUISED READER.
Halo, porter! Run quickly for bar
Der. Tell him to bring his razors and
clipping-machine. And hunt a special
policeman, and ask him where there is
z real good place to hide. Tell the chief
he'll find the key of the sanctum under
the door mat, and that we'll not be back
for twenty -two-wa:t one moment, here
is a re. assuring one
THAT SUITS US.
FIT. MADISON, September $3.50 you
couldn't let an opportunity to say some
thing mean about me pass by unimprov-
ed? All right, my son please yourself.
If can't get even with you in my own
way it will be my fault, and if can l
will be as much pleased as you are now.
FORTY FOUR"
That will do, that suits us. Never
mind the barber, and recall the messen
ger to the paper-mills. You may-hold
on,
HERE rs A SETTLER.
DAYTON, OHIO.-Stop my HaUkeye. |
I don't want the lying, trashy sheet in
my house another day. Stop it at once.
S. r. d.
That is explicit and satisfactory. In
vestigation has already begun, and as
soon as we can find where our indignant
friends Howkeye is published we will
stop it point blank. There is only room