Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1878-10-25
He Despised a Liar.

Day before yesterday old Silas Tretch-
er, prosperous granger OF northeast
township, drove into town with load
OF produce. While in Hammersmith's
store purchasing some calicer for the
old woman" he picked up the county
paper, and was soon absorbed in it's CON
tents.
T" | despise liar" he presently ex-
claimed, with startling vehemence, lay
ing down the paper and ejecting stream
OF tobacco juice into cuspidor at his
feet. Them newspaper men ought to
be arrested and fined forty dollars for
prlntin' such 'tarnal hes
What's the matter, Silas?" asked
the drygoodsman, as he ripped off twelve
yards OF seven-cent calico
Well, this paper says Mr.. Barkins, of
Lincoln township, has raised a beet
which weighs ninety-seven pounds, and
a head of cabbage as big round as cart
wheel. don't believe it. Barkins
hes. | don't brag on raisin' big wegeta-
bles myself, but when it comes to corn
or oats, you will find old Sile Tretcher
at the head of his class every time |
despise liar and always make it part
OF my religion to stick to facts. Prob
ably L hain't got eddication enough to
believe these stories about big beets and
big squashes, but have intelleck enough
to raise the tallest corn in the county.
You see, Mr. Hammersmith, my corn is
growing in two lots Of two acres each,
one field on the southern side, and 10th
er on the northern side of the house.
1t is the Great American Magic Sprout-
er variety. | despise liar, but two
months after it was planted it had shot
to the height of twelve feet and 3 an
half inches Two months later | had to
hire two men to help me look to the
top of it, and then the labor strained
our eyes putty badly In July had
couple OF long ladders built to use in
In gathering my corn; for to cut the
stalks Oft near the ground would a
been death to the workmen, you know.
BY splicing these ladders, they will not
reach half way to the top row. The
thevin crows light on to the top of the
corn, an are out of reach of a rifle ball.
But they don't steal much corn. You
see it takes six ablc-bodied crows to lug
off one small ear of corn When they
steal grain they fly over pile of rocks
and let it drop. Then they fly down an
help themselves to the thousand frag-
ments. Crows, Mr. Hammersmith, is
KNOWN birds. | despise liar; but the
other day dozen crows..was carryin'
off a particularly large grain, when they
kicked up muss hundred yards over
head, and bymebye they let the corn
drop, and it struck old Peters cow and
broke her back. Fact, Mr.. Hammer
smith.
"One mornin last week my wife Ma
ria gave me a shake and said, Come ST.
las, isn't 1t time to get up?' / told her
no-that it was dark as Egypt, and
couldn't be morn 3 a. m. Putty soon
she gave me another nudge an said it
must be mornin'. The room was still
crowded with darkness, but | got up,
struck light, an looked at the clock
1t was just nine a. N. | thought may
be the old time-piece was cranky. Then
| went to the window and gazed out,
and saw streak of sunshine away off
like | dressed myself, hurried down
stairs, and made Decline for that
streak of light, and putty soon | emerg-
ed into broad daylight, the sun about
lOuI HOuIS HlSH ucSplSe IL IdF, MI
Hammersmith but the cause of my
house being enveloped in darkness was
just this: The ears of corn having
reached the size of pump logs, the stalks
became top-heavy, you know, and durin
the night the two fields swayed over,
and crushin together at the tops, formed
an arch over my house, and shut out
the light of day My house is now be-.
in rapidly demolished, an ear of corn
now an then crushin through the house
like bonn she'll | 'spect the value of
the prodigious crop will more than COM
pensate me for the loss of the house,
though to hire balloons to gather it will
eat up too much of the profits.
. AS said afore, Mr. Hammersmith,
| despise liar, an | don't believe
these newspapers yarns about big cab
bages an turnips; an the likes, an it's
a great pity editors can't get somethin
containin' more facts to fill up with.
Truth always pays best in the end, as |
frekently tell my ole woman; an now
if you have any six cent muslin, you
may measure me off five yards. '-Puch