The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-09-21
NUMBER %.
PASSING SMILES.


plain if sparks fly in his face.
THERE ia more than considerable dit.
ference between manslaughter ana
mans laughter.--N. Y. News.
He who gains the victory over great
insults is often overpowered by the
smallest so it is with our sorrows.
A DuToHMAN was about to mako .
journey to his fatherland, and wishing
to say goodbye to a friend, extended
his and and said: "Vell, off l don'd
come back, hullo."
THE influence OF men is not to be con-
fined to the circle of their acquaintance.
IL spreads on every side of them, like un'
dulations of smitten water, and will
reach those whom they never saw.
"Do not mary wild wer," said the
old lady. "a ready-made family Is like
a plate of cold potatoes" oh, III
soon warm them over" replied the
damsel, and she did.-StilI,cdter Lumber
man.
Joy isa shy bird, but when man
comes unexpectedly upon two-dollar
bill in the pocket of an old vest laid
aside last winter, it flaps its wings and
or ws as loud as anybody's chicken
Breakfast Table.
The gang of burglars who work for
seven straight hours to hammer safe to
pieces to secure fourteen cents, know
something how country minister feels
next day after donation.--D Detroit
Free Press.
WHEN fat man slips on wet cro@-
ing and sits down with emphasized pre-
cipitancy on the damp, chilling bosom at
earth, he realizes clear through to his
boot straps that the world Is cold and
unsympathetic- Breakfast Table.
SCIENTIFIC men say that person 10
half an inch ia Ter In the morning than
he Is in the eve ing. In spite OF this,
we all know that men get fearfully high
in the evening sometimes.--Syrdcsse
Sunday Times.
A MAN may make ten dollars in a
business transaction without going crazy
with Joy, but this can't be said of him
when he manages to dodge horse car
conductor and secure ride gratis
oil City Derrick.
VINO Ia Ii with funeral tread
Comes slowly home and goes to bed,
And utters what is best nnsaid7
lis he who's hshed since rose the sun,
subsisting ON single bun,
And after all's caught nary one
N Y Forest and Stream
The Chapdler-street man didn't know
lust how tall he was until he went into
his house through his back yard q few
evenings ago in the dark. He ascer-
tanned that he was about head taller
than the wet clothes line.--Dcrfcr
Smiths.
GLOVE" remarks the moralist OF the
Graphic, is deaf as well as blind" Too
true, too true. A man has to love you
at rate of about one hundred and
ninety degrees in the shade before you
can make him hear you ask him for ~.
-Ha0keye.
THERE are some scenes almost too
pure and sacred to be viewed by the
thoughtless world. One of them is .
two-hundred- pound woman with a mole
on her chin "talking baby" to an ounce
and-a-half canary bird in brass cage.
-Rockland Courier.
In the stomach of large fish recently
caught in the river near Port Washing
ton, Ohio, was found the watch and chain
lost by man wading the river over two
years ago, all Of which goes to weaken
our faith in the adage that procrastinar
ton is the thief of time Exchange
THE business man who thinks thai" :
few lines on the local side occasionally
is all the advertising he needs, Is twin
brother to the man who covered the
back door of poor-house with q colored
poster announcing an excursion to the
Paris exposition. Brookvilie Democrat.
WHO saws editors are not temperate?
A lady with the editorial excursion was
attacked with cholera morbus, and some
whisky was wanted, and in all that
crowd of editors there was not drop.
The TASKS were all empty, and lawyer
had to furnish the beverage.-lotc
Exchange.
A LITTLE boy from New York went
into the country visiting. He had
bowl of bread and milk. He tasted it,
and then hesitated moment, when his
mother asked him if he didn't like It,
to which he replied, smacking his lips:
Yes, ma. was wishing our milkman
would keep cow"
AN M. D. who lately opened an once
was favored by visit from his young
wife. Wishing to start an interesting
conversation, he said: "My dear, how
many people do you suppose pass BY my
office in the course of an hourT'
should Judge they all pass by" nonchaj-
antly exclaimed the wife.
A MAN who can stand great grief
and conceal it, and hug it to his bosom,
and 90 smiling about the world, cant
conceal his emotion when fly lights on
his nose while the barber is scraping
his throat. This is what makes 1t 90
difficult to get correct statistics OF those
who really fall from grace Keokak
Constitution.
The following note was actually NJ
ceived, few days ago, by lady from :
neighbor. The Jacob" incidentally
referred to was the husband of the
writer: "Mrs. B, will you pleas to
lend me a black bonnet and black hat
and 2 black walls and shall or sack and
a pair of gloves and oblige me. HANNAH
V. P. S. Jacob is dead
Mohawk' Register.
| IT is surprising what Mass. of the
names of the States are abbreviated.
Fulton Times. When did you Conn: the
list? Or did your Pa. tell you II Roca'
ester Express. This will do Var. !. we'll
but you mustn't do so any Mo-. Konkers
Gazette These remarks are III. timed
Phila. Bulletin. One would hardly MISS
in an effort to Penn. pun on any OF ne
States. La. yourselves out, bow, Ala
IN