West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-05-18
EVERYDAY SPICERIES.

French actress, She draws well.-
Breakfast Table.
No, thank you, we don't need n cor
respondent at Paris this year. We pay
a young man in the Office $lb week TO
write European letters.-iS Louis Jour
nal.
CHILDREN, cultivate frst-class moral
characters, and then in after years when
you tell about this winter, people will
believe perhaps Bridgeport Stan.
ddd
AT twenty woman reaches for the
trailing arbutus. AT twenty-five she is
after horseradish. At thirty she digs
roots for her blood. Such is gentle spring
in the various stages of the feminine
life Ddnbury Neics.
BUTTONS Of every style appear to
find favor" is bit of fashion intelli-
gcncc. IL may be 80, but Origins has
just hobbled in to remark that they
seem TO have an uphill time in finding
his shirts-B Breakfast Table.
SOMEBODY estimated that every man
who lives 20 be sixty years old has spent
seven months buttoning his shirt col
lar. Thirty years more ought to be
added for hunting up the collar button.
- bridgeport Standard.
THE earth has been 40 burrowed into
near Virginia City, that the town is said
To he slowly sliding down the face of
the mountain. The inhabitants boast OF
IL IA showing that the town isn't stand
ing still.-NOr,oich Bulletin.
THE wonderful success of the tele-
phone is all owing 10 the fact that you
can attach one end of il TO the mules
pu and auaar AZ him In aawaY lan
without running the risk of getting
kicked.-Phitddelphia Chronicle
A PROPHET Of the name of Bacon has
been making n fool Of himself in Chau-
tauqua County. The people propose TO
frizzle him il he don't cit up and git
He was a rash man before, but, if no
remains, he will be Il rasher.--Nels York
Commercial
IN an interview printed In another
column, Gen. Shields is said 10 weigh
one hundred and fifty pounds. He
doesn't look 10 weigh over one hundred
lead that his appearance is deceiving.-
Washington Post
AT twenty you know everything, at
thirty you have your doubts, at forty
there are some things you don't know,
and after that you read Mr.. Beecher's
sermon on everlasting punishment and
hope he is right.-Boston Courier.
GENERAL GRANTS visit was sue
cess with the Turks at least. They like
a silent man. The less n man says, in
their estimation, the wiser he is. " Bir
ADAM chOk dkeiLe," Ga very wise man),
said a Pasha to me when speaking Of
- Ia 4, -, a..
Not a word, but he looked wise. -
Foreign Letter.
In the still watches OF the night il is
easy enough TO fancy that one hears the
soft whispers Of angels telling him TO be
good but Jump out of bed and you'll
find IL is the hired girl talking from the
window 10 her fellow below-perhaps
telling him why the Monday washing
was brought in, contrary 10 agree
ment.--Detroi Free Press.
AN Irish gentleman, well-known in
the sporting circles for his wit, was ac-
costed by a friend with Upon my
word ---, you are riding a good horse"
" And why should ] not ride a good
horseP' Well" reioined his friend,
" but, will he jump timberp "TimberW
replied the other Faith, he'll just
jump over your head, man, in n jifeyP
THE cucumber grsceih the festaI board
EDshrOuded in condiments rare,
And the fpicure gieefully rubbeth his pRunch
At the sight n the treasure there.
The doctor smileth a sad-like smile
And giveth n crocodile grOan
And the marble man gOeth out the while
And pOlisheth up stone.
The undertaken mOurnfully asks,
" "a hat will his measure boz"
And the sexton maTketh n spot " reserved I"
~ under the willow tree.
lis hard tho times and tits scarce the cash
And - with zestful 10y
Wo welcome wait % the itiul fruit
~ Loub Journal
WE learn that as soon as the country
becomes quieter DR.. Schliemann will re-
sumo his excavations at Hassarlik. We
can assure the doctor that the country
will not be any quieter until after house
cleaning time. But il he wants n Job
in the meantime, he can drop around
and dig out n cellar for us. Wages,
81 30 a day and find himself.-D Daily
Derrick.
AFTER all, man is generous being.
Not long ago one died in Massachusetts,
who had b en- married only year, and
received n fortune Of fifty thousand dol
lars from his wife And what did he do
when he found death. staring him i'm the
face? Not enrich his relatives as he
might have done he willed IL all back
to her again, on the simple condition
that she should not marry again. The
noble man - Woman's Words
ON, pshawl Do you know it has Just
been discovered that after all saltpeter
Is nothing but nitrogen oxidised into
nitric acid, and that XylOpilin is the
substance which gives the violent shade
to certain vegetable matters when they
are br0ulht into contact with hydro
chloric acid2 II is terrible, the way
heartless, bloodless, pitiless science de
stToys with icOnoclastic hand the bright
est dreams and fondest fancies Of 70.
Burdette's Ha10keye.