The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-11-14
W1T AND HUM0R.

Mrs. Partington'' says few persons
suffer from suggestions of the brains
nowadays.
Always speak well Of the de d, and
once In Il while Il good word of the
living, If you have time.
Somebody wrote to Hamilton Fish
to get his terms for Il lecture, and he
replied, G. o. d. Fish
''Speaking of the dead languages,
professor, inquired the new student,
''who killed them? Z"
DreSSmakerS are not essentially ill
natured. The best of them however.
are always ready to Zip and tear.
81 stand corrected" as the bow
said who WAS too sore, after a
thrashing, to sit down in comfort.
Now, them" said the school.in.
spector, ''wher did the Cyclops live :"
Pupil: please, sir. they lived in
Cyclopedia.
would you like to be lnched 2"
asked an exasperated Missouri farmer
OF horse-thief. mo, Ill be hanged
a. w. Ndo tuC ICIiys
Every cloud has silver lining"
but at present the lining is SO far in.
side the banks the silver part doesn't
show.
"Will you settle that old account Of
yours this morning! = said il colonist.
mo. sir; you are mistaken in the man
l am not one OF the old settlers"
THAT boy will make his mark in
the world some day." said Il parent of
his dullest child. So he did. He
never learned to write.
A graveyard inscription in Ken.
nebnnk, Me-" reads thus: ..poor Joe
his head is lie ell now, i: it never was
before This is a graveas well as "A
true rem rk.
William Tell once asked a pretty
Swiss maiden for kiss.
She replied:
~ es, kiss, but never tell"
Mrs. Boggs asked her husband il he
did not think her dress was sweet as a
Spring rose. He said it was. even TO
the minor attraction Of having a
little due on it..
Friend to scientific authority:
doctor, how is man to tell Il mush.
room from tuadstool!'' Scientific
authorit. "By eating it. If you
live is mushroom; il you die, it is
| a toM.stool."
Two lawyers, while bathing at
Santa Cruz the other day, were hased
out Of the water by 4 shark. This is
the most fragrant case Of want Of
professional courtesy Oh record.
Il never turn out for scoundrels,"
said a bully, meeting Quaker and
stepping up square before him 10 in-
augurate Il quarrel. II do, said the
Quaker, and placidly took the other
side Of the way.
On being asked why he went into
bankruptcy, he replied: ..WeIl. my
! liabilities were large. my liabilities
numerous, and my probabilities I'm.
( promising; and 50 | though / d do as
my neighbors do, you know"
A rian went down town the other
day and sat abont half through for
portrait. Thu he went TO picnic
with his thin pants on and got q cold
which swelled his jaw 50 that when
he went again his picture didn't fit.
An old Highland clergyman. who
had received several calls, asked his
servant where he should 90. The
servant said: go where there is
most sin. SIR" The preacher con.
ciuded that Was good advice, and went
were there WAS most money.
1t is noticed that .teel has gone up,
and the demand is stiffening up con-
siderably, When we reflect that there
have been seven hundred newspapers
started in the last two months. We
understand why. They will be
mostly run on shears. and shears are
made of-but whats the use OF telling
all about It. We must leave some.
thing to be guessed at.