Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1878-04-10
THE i NErAR1ous CHAIR
from the Easton Free Press.

! From the EastOn Free Press.
A woman should never undertake
to stand on chair. On horseback
or on q five rail fence, she may lool
attractive, romantic, even statesquo
but a short woman standing on /
chair reaching out for the unattaina
BILE that is just two inches beyond her
finger tips is pitiable failure with.
out sympathy or extenuating circum.
stances. Why women will risk theil
lives on chairs, when step-ladders are
so cheap and clothes horses are &c
practicable, is one of the mysteries
that have no solution except il fe.
male perversity. All science and
endless statistics 60 to prove that Of
the women who thus wantonly mount
unoffending chairs, 65 per cent. fall
off and skin their elbows, besides &C.
cumulating bumps and bruises Of
more remote and unobtrusive loca-
tion. It is unpleasantly sad to reflect
that 65 per cent. Of the fair contrari-
ness Of the land is suffering from
damaged elbows and unacknowledg e.
ed black and blue rewards Of demer-
1t, received in an ill-advised devotion
to a hopelessly futile idiosyncracy.
We are led to these remarks after
looking at the top of Henry Archi-
bald's head this morning, The Arch
ibalds are possessed of refrigerator,
standing 10 the out-kitcben alongside
of Q particularly unattainable cup
board. Last night Henry brought
home q roll of butter, which Mrs.
Archibald put in the refrigerator,
leaving the lid of the receptacle up
Then she selected chair, which,
though somewhat an invalid, had
never manifested traits Of eminent
wickedness, and mounted it to reach
the cupboard. Henry feebly remon-
strated as he held the basket, waiting,
man like, for somebody to take It
from him and hang it up.
j ""You'd better look out, ole woman,
that chair'll throw you quicker nor a
wink"
"Shet up, looney," and Mrs. A.
stood up on her toes, reaching ont
painfully.
"Drat the thing somebody always
has to shove things away back in this
so nobody can never find
'em"-and she gave little jump. 1t
was only little jump, for women
weighing POI in their stocking feet,
don't jump to any extent; but it was
enough. The chair, of course, en-
braced that opportunity to lean over
ON one side, and when she came down
it pitched her gracefully over into
the refrigerator. She made an insane
grab at the top of Henry's head, but
her hand slipped off its polished sur
face hopelessly, and as che doubled
up in the middle like a jack-knife
with the cramp, her toe hit Henry
under the chin and drove the only
lower tooth he had left, half an inch
into the upper gum. The racks of
the refrigerator went down before
her and the roll of butter, lately so
plump and harder than the neither
mill stone, was spread out On the bot
tom, fatter than Fourth Of July ad-
dress. She kicked and struggled
with pitiable helplessness that made
Henry laugh one wild hysterical
shrek as he upset her prison and
rolled her out. OF course her elbow
was skinned, and she had doubtless
acquired more than the usual num-
ber Of unacknowledged contusions,
but this did not prevent her from
springing to her feet and
cutting Q complicated geometrical
problem on Henry's head with the
largest fragment she could find of the
butter plate.
This morning Henry was at the
drug store after fresh bottle of arni-
ca, and admitted that hs had hurt his
head in little difficulty he had with
q vicious saw buck he had bought out
of q drove.