The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-07-27
NUMBER 10.
PASSING SMILES.

/
every danger when the best men in the
country do not strive to take their
proper place in the direction of affairs"
| WE are glad to learn, even at this late
day, that Thomas Jefferson would turn
aside rather than step on bumblebee.
He was barefooted when he felt that
way, of course.
A FAMOUS artist once painted an angel
with six toes. "Who ever saw an angel
with six toes2' they inquired. "Who
ever saw one with less?" was the counter
question. That settled the argument.
PRoMETHEUs chained to the rock oc-
cupied an enviable position compared
with the Congressman who is compelled
to remain In Washington while some
rival is stealing his district away from
him.
Bro. JASPER has tied his faith to the
belief that the five wise virgins were
males, because the Bible don't intimate
anywhere between its "kivers" that q
women ever had any gumption." p
Breakfast Table.
THE wise man makes equity and JUS
tice the basis of all his conduct. The
right forms the rule of his behavior,
Difference and modesty mark his ex-
terror, sincerity and fidelity serve him
for accomplishments.
THE five Swarthmore girls who were
made bachelors of arts the other day
are now going in for the hearts Of
bachelors. The difference between them
and poets is that they are not born, but
made Observation-Disclosures Bulletin.
THERE are two brothers on West Hill
who look so much alike they can not
tell each other apart, and one day last
week, when John was raging like vol
cano with the toothache, Henry went
down to DR.. Wilson's and had six teeth
pulled.
WE do not please Heaven more by
eating bitter aloes than by eating honey.
A cloudy, foggy, rainy day is not more
heavenly than day of sunshine A
funeral march is not so much like the
music of angels as the song of birds on
a May morning.
The latest sentimental agony in songs
is tender ballad beginning,
"Who will come above sighing
When the grass grows over mt9'
We can t say, positively, who, but if
the cemetery fence is in the usual repair,
it will probably be the cow.--Hawkeye.
"ANoTHER old citizen gone" We
saw him only this morning, too-with a
rod over his shoulder. His step was
firm and elastic, his cheeks blooming
with health, and bis pistol pocket bulg-
ing out with receptacle containing
bait or something. And now he's gone
gone a-fishing.
DIR. McALIsTER, of Mississippi, has
invented new gun which shoots four
thousand bullets per minute. We shall
now keep close eye on the telegraph
news to see whe Their it will take the gov
eminent over three weeks to armall the
Indians with this excellent weapon
Breakfast Table.
TIE students of Jefferson Medical
College, Philadelphia, Indignantly deny
that toilet soap is made Of their Sub
jects" when they get through with
them. This is reassuring, and Phila-
delphian can go into the bath now with
out the horrible fear that he will rub
his legs with his grandmother.
SUCH paragraphs as this from the st.
Louis Journal, are enough to make sot
out of fellow: "That Olive-street hen
that has been setting for six months on
porcelain eggs, provided by her unsus-
pecting mistress, at six o'clock every
morning nowadays plaintively sings,
This is the way long have sot."
CONVERSATION between an inquiring
stranger and steamboat pilot: "That
is the Black Mountain" /" Yes, sir;
highest mountain above Lake George"
"Any story or legend connected with
that mountain p "Lots of 'em. Two
lovers went up that mountain once and
never came back again." "Indeedl Why,
what became of them?" event down
OH the other side"
THE sERENADE.
"wbat sweet sounds waken me from sleep,
From happy d. cams fain would keep?
o, mother dear, look out, Ipray,
| And VIII. comes so late this way"
"Notbing see Notniog hear
| So go to sleep again, my dear.
One comes no with serensde
| To you feeble, suffering maid"
eNot earthly music do hear
| Sounding so heavenly and so near;
! 1t is tho angels clotht d in white,
| Calling me home. Mother, goodnight"
DIR. WILSON, the late worthy Bishop
of Sodor and Man, sent once for his
tailor to make him cloak, and de-
sired it might have only one loop and
button. The tailor submitted to his
venerable customer that if that fashion
should become general, the button
makers would starve. edo you say SO,
John p replied the Bishop, whose reve-
nues did not exceed f300 a year. Then
button it all over"
"MAxIMs is what ails me-" he said to
the DO ice Judge. Maxims busted me
wide open." The court said il would
like an explanation before fixing the
fine. "Well, your honor" said the pris-
oner, 81 drank rye whisky and didn't
get drunk. ] remembered that maxim,
FRY, try again ! tried rye again"
"Here, that's enough of that" thun-
dered the court, "this amt no circus
ring. Ten dollars and COSTS"
WE are permitted to relate the fol-
lowing conversation between ten-year
old girl and her father: Daughter
" PAPA, is John Dash older than Henry
Dash'?" Father" No." Daughter
. Is Henry the oldestf'' Father i'm
patiently" Well, now, if John Dash
is not older than Henry, of course
Henry is the Oldest" Daughter" Now
don't be too smart; they might be twins
l-NosTist0t0n Herald.
AFTER dinner orator: cts in the
wonderful insight inter 'uman nature
that Dickens gets the pull over Ihack-
| .a h,,t ~ f,ofhor hand it's in the