Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-11-23

DrOlleries Of Advertising.
The following droll advertisements.
called from . variety Of sources, may
amuse our readers:
"a lady going abroad would give a
medical man hundred peuuds . year
to look after . favorite spaniel dog dur
ing her absence" II this emanated from
an elderly unmarried lady, can ~ doubt
that an old bachelor composed the fol.
lowing advertisement? "a Cook-house-
maid, or Housemaid-cook 10 wanted,
for the service Of . single gentleman,
where only one Others man-servant-
is kept. The woman wanted must be
equally excellent in the two capacities
of cook and housemaid. Her character
must be unexceptionable for sobriety,
honesty and cleanliness. The sobriety,
however, which consists in drinking
deep without staggering will not do; nor
will the honesty suffice which would
make up for the possible absence Of
pilfering, by waste. Neither will the
cleanliness answer which is content
with busting only before the en-
ployer's eyes, sure symptom OF .
slattern. As it is probable that not
drab out of place who reads this id.
vertisement but will be imposing her
self, though, perhaps. incapable Of
cooking . sprat, and about - nice - .
Hottentot, all such are warned not to
give themselves useless trouble. On
the other hand. o steady, clean woman,
really answering the above description,
will, by applying Is below, hear Of Q
place not easily equalled in comfort;
where the wages are good and constant
~ increasing; and where servants are
treated a. fellow creatures, and with .
kindness which, TO the discredit Of
their class, is seldom merited. Per
sonal application to be made 10 Mr..
Danvers, Perfumer, No. 16 Craven
Street, Strand. December 4, 1911"
What householder who can get no
recompense for improvements from Q
grasping landlord, will not sympathize
with the writer Of this Wanted i'm
mediately, to enable me to leave the
house which I have for the last FIVE
years inhabited, in the same plight
in which found it, 500 LIVE RArs,
for which will gladly pay the sum of
five pounds sterling; and as I cannot
leave the farm attached thereto in
the same order which I got it without
at Least Five Millions of DICKENS, I
do hereby promise the same sum for
said number of Dockens.-N. B. The
rats must be full grown and no Grip
PIES"
The Americans seem to bs as smart
in advertising as in everything else.
On the fence Of q graveyard Pennsyl-
vania grocer inscribed in large white
letters, "Use Jones bottled ale If you
would keep ont of here" A firm in
the "statuary line" state that "those
who buy tombstones of MS look
with pride and satisfaction upon
the graves OF their friends" What
English scholmaster would an
nounce the termination Of vacation
thus: ''Flushing Institute. Dear
Boys-Trouble begins on Sept. 1872"
The following is the advertisement Of
an accomplished editor: Sensational,
distressing details Of revolving murders
and shocking suicides respectfully so.
licited. Bible class presentations and
ministerial donation parties will be
"done" with promptness and dispatch.
Reports of Sunday-school anniversaries
guaranteed. The local editor will
cheerfully walk seventeen miles after
Sunday school to report aprixe fight.
Funerals and other melancholy occa-
sions written up in manner to chal-
1enge admiration. Horse-racers re-
ported in the highest style of the re-
portorial art. Domestic broils and con.
jugal felicities sought out with untir-
ing avidity. Police court proceedings
and sermons reported in manner we'll
calculated to astonish the prisoner,
and preacher" The "sharp-
ness" of some Of these Yankee adver-
tisements is very amusing. Many Of
our readers must have heard of the
New York merchant who left his space
blank with the exception of this note. in
very small type, at the bottom-'This
space was sold to A. E. Brennan & Co.,
but as their business is sufficiently
brisk already, they decline to use it. !"
ga correspondent wants to know what
kind of broom the young lady in the
uONcl uocu WHICH, ouo bWcpt kUhCh Tic
ringlets from her classic brow. We
don't know and shouldn't answer if we
did. We only undertake to answer
queries of q practical and useful char
acter. If our correspondent, who we
presume is a gentleman, had asked
who was the best and most popular
halter in the city, we would have
promptly and unhesitatingly anwered,
James II. Chard of Broad-walk. -
Chambers Journal.
DISCOVERING GHosrs. The Princess
CT Wales recently found two ghosts in
the form of two female paul Prys:"
The Prince and Princess of Wales
paid visit to Newstead Abbey q short
time ago, and asked to be shown the
Byron Rooms, and particularly the
Haunted Chamber" AFTER express
ing admiration at what she had been
shown, the Princess remarked, "But
where is the ghost? A haunted house
is nothing without a ghost" and there
upon began pokinR about with her
parasol to find one: There is q recess,