The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-06-08
PASSING SMILES.

YOUNG poets find it hard to win fame
now a-days. There are so few anonymous
poems to claim. -Breakfdst Table.
"NEAL & Pray Publishers and
Book binders. A Specially made of
Religious Publications." is the sign over
the door of Williamsburg firm.
PEOPLE who are jealous, or particu-
larly careful of their own rights and
dignity, always find enough of those
who do not care for either to keep them
continually uncomfortable.
A scHooLMAsTtR thus describes a
money lender: Gle serves you in the
present tense he lends in the con-
ditional mood; keeps you in the subjec-
tive; and ruins you in the future"
A CHRONIC growler, who lived in a
boarding house, kept the landlady in a
state of torment all through the holt
days by always remarking, at meal time,
"Things are getting tough, | tell you"
CIGAR stumps are carefully collected
in Germany and sold for charitable pur-
poses. The clothes for orphans, pur-
chased with the proceeds, are called
cigarments. breakfast Table.
THE New York Herald p. I. man
knows another man who said he had been
to concert and heard two chaps play
duel on piano. But" said he, it
looked darn sight more like prize
fight"
JUNIOR CLERK" Would you kindly
permit me to absent myself tomorrow
to attend my fathers funeral?" Head
of firm deep in figures -" You may
go, Hawkins; but pray do not let this
happen again"
A YOUNG lady who is doing the Alps
reports progress to her guardian: al
tried to climb the Matterhorn, didn't
near reach the top. 1t is absurdly high
everything is in this country-please
send me s."
AN Irish agricultural journal adver-
tises new washing machine under the
heading, Every man his own wash
woman" and in its culinary department
says that potatoes should always be
boiled in cold water"
"WHAT will you be helped to in the
way of early vegetablesY said M'Don--
aid to lady customer. Lettuce,
pray" was the quick reply. M'Donald
looked sharply at the lady. and con.
cluded she was lady preacher, until
she pointed to the lettuce basket.
TO A COW.
| Why, COW, how canst thou be 80 satisfied
SO well content with all things here below,
| Sc unobtrasiye and so sleepy-eyed,
So meek, so lazy, and 30 awful slow2
D0st thou not know that everything is mixed
That naught Ia as IL should DO on this EARTH
| That grievously the world needs TO be fixed
That nothing we can give has any worth,
| hat iYnea arQh art Ia Ia n
OF sin and troubles and untowarun.ss,
That love is folly, friendship b'.S snare?
Pritl COW, this Is no time for lazinessl
| The cud thon chewest Is not what 1t seensI
Get up and mool Tear round and quit thy dreamsl
Mr.. HILGILDER went home the other
night considerably intoxicated and
afflicted with double vision. He sat for
some time with his sleepy gaze riveted
on Mrs. Hilgilder, and then quietly re-
marked "Well (hic), | hope t holler
| if you two gals don't look enuf alike to
be (hic) twins"
| A STORY is related of boy out West
who, having read in dime novel of a
man who escaped from Indians by jump
ing off a bluff two hundred feet high.
attempted to initiate the feat in a small
way by jumping off bluff forty feet
high. He is now able to get around on
crulches quite easily.
"WHY don't you trade with me~
said close listed tradesman to pub
li.her, the other day. Because" was
the characteristic reply, "you have
never ash ed me, sir. have looked all
through the papers for an invitation, in
the shape of an advertisement, but in
vain. l never go where l am not in .
vited, sir"
+" IT is pity" said Frenchman in
presence ofan Englishman at the French
Exposition, chat France should get up
revolution every eighteen years"
"Nop' said the Ehglishman, for If
France had not had 80 many revolutions
since this century commenced, she would
have been rich enough to buy the whole
of Europe"
SONG WITHOUT AN +.
[The letter f is used more than any other letter
| in the English alphabet. Each Of the following
verses contains every letter OF the alphabet except
A jovial swain should not complain
| OF any buxom fair
| Who mocks his pain, and thinks 1t gain
To quiz his awkward air.
Quixotic boys who look for joys
| Quixotic hazaf DIS run;
A lass annoys with trivial toys,
Opposing man for fun.
A jovial swain may rack his brain,
nd tax his fancy's might,
| To quiz is vain, for tits most plain
That what say is right
OLD Mr.. Dudley was a prominent
lawyer in Tuolome. He was employed