The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-11-09

1t was a bright boy who told his teacher
that there were three sects-the male sex, the
female sex, and the insects.
New Orleans Picayune 80 The New York
Herald Gays: General Butler will undoubtedly
be the candidate Of the oleomargarine party
or course the old man knows which side his
bread is buttered.
A young man who appeared at Deadwood in
pair OF white pants was promptly escorted
out of town. 80 We stand billed shirt,
you know" miner explained, " but when 1T
comes to wearin' billed drawers, we just make
them git up and git.'
"Why don't you wash the bottom of
your feet John ?'' asked grandmother of
before retiring for the night; to which he grave
ly replied '' Why, granny, you don't think
I'm going to stand up in bed, do you ~
Yung man perhaps yu had better be munky
than a philosopher if you play the munky
well, mankind will look upon themselves az su-
perior to yu; play the philosopher they will kin
slider yu superior to them, and shun yu ackord-
Ingly.-Josh Billings.
Norwich Bulletin One of those Sunday
school teachers who are always deslrous of draw
ing out the ideas Of children, asked her class
what they supposed Daniel said when he was
placed In the lions den. One of her scholars,
'' Goodbye! I'm goner."
When Mr. Billony went home and saw hand
some bouquet reposng one of the parlor chairs
he mentally observed that it was shame to let
such beautiful flowers lie there to wither, so he
took them up tenderly, procured a basin of water
and placed them carefully therein, and the same
instant his wife gave piercing shrek and faint
ed dead away. But it was too late. Mrs.
Billony's new Spring bonnet was utterly ruined.
ths equator" Student 1t is the place where
the sun crosses the line" Professor" What
line ?'' Student suppose it's the one referred
to by Euclid, that has neither breadth nor thick
ness" Professor Next" Student No. 2
There's no such line. 1t has been shown to be
purely imaginary-a mere superstition of sailors.
Columbus sailed across it, and it wasn't there.
BEEcHER's TENDERNESS TO THE WEAK.-The
Rev. Henry Ward Beecher went to q hotel In
city of New Jersey for a nights stay. He order
ed supper, and after taking few sips of coffee
called the colOred waiter and said: L" Can you
give me your service this evenIng?'' '' Yes, sab,
said the waiter briskly. s' The matter is one of
importance" said Mr.. Beecher solemnly. 80 Per-
hans had better speak to the landlord myself
about it, So Oh no, sah,'' said the sable at
tendant, fearful of losing the humping fee that
the preachers earnestness foreshadowed; IS L
can give you, sab, all the time You need
a. We'll, then,'' said Mr.. Beecher, with added
this coffee. 1t is so weak it is going to die be-
fore morning There a moment of pathetic
silence and the waiter withdrew.
The New Orleans Picaytlle requests politicians
To make less noise at their meetings, as their
yociferations disturb the yellow fever patients.
Which state OF things reminds the Baltimore
Gazette of the persistent card-player who crawled
out from under the wreck of steamship saloon
ON the Pacific, and cried out above the shrieks
and prayers Of the passengers, and the bowling
of the tempest: % Remember. boys, played the
tray for low
Old Hicks was an awful snorer. He could be
heard further than blacksmith g forge but his
wife became so accustomed to it, that it soOthed
her to repose. They were q very domestic
couple never slept apart for many years. At
length the old man was required to attend court
ut some distance. The first night after, his wife
never slept wink she missed the snoring. The
next night passed away IN the same manner with
out sleep. She was getting in very bad way,
and probably would have died, had it not been
for the ingenuity of a servant girl. She took the
coffee-mill into her mistress chamber, and
ground her to sleep at once
minister in the north was rebuking one of
his hearers for mis- non-attendance at church
The accused vindicated himself on the plea of a
dislike to long sermons. " Deed man" said the
reverend monitor, little nettled at the insinua-
ton thrown out against himself, IS if We dinna
troubled wi many sermons, either long or short. ~
Weel, aiblins sac, retorted John, Sc but it
mayna be for want O. ministers"
The Military Trade Rsrieto vouches for the fol-
lowing a gentleman well known on Broadway
informed his wife that his zeal in the good cause
demanded his attention at Ocean Grove, and they
parted affectiOnately, she wishing him Godspeed
on his Christian errand and eujoining him to pray
for her and the child. Mr.. - left that after
noon with a party of jolly dogs and in due
time was in comfortable quarters at Ocean Beach.
It was announced after dinner that some tableaux
were to take place in their hotel that evening and
at the hour fixed, the jolly dogs adjourned to this
representation. Tableau after tableau was pre-
sented, and at length it announced that the
next will be, The Deserted Mother and Child. -
The curtain rose upon lady in graceful posture
bending lovingly over her darling. The silence
was suddenly broken by startling exclamation
from Mr.. -. The lady in the tableau, obliyi-
aus of her part, turned her head and met her
husbands eye. Several of her friends in the
.aezst hurst into n roar Mr. made for the