, 1878-11-14
BIG WORDS AND GOOD HOUSE KEEP.
ING.

\ little woman with tear t~em-
bling on the end of her nose has been
walking mp and down the hall for ten
minutes, and as the last visitor de.
parted she entered the parlor where
Bijah supcrintends the operations Of
! Justice, sank into the rocking chair
and timidly asked:
! Mr.. Joy can trust vou?'
/ Madam, you cam he promptly
replied. | don't like to hear a man
praise himself, but | believe | can go
to any grocery in Detroit and get
trusted for dozen clothes pins with
out having to leave any security
whatever. now have in my pos
session twenty-five cents which were
handed to me by a street Car driver
to buy him some tinted note paper,
and if | embezzle one cent of it |
hope to be bald.headed all my days.
Yes, madam, you can trust me-
I'll was married about three
years ago. began the woman, after
considerable hesitation.
Don't doubt it. in the least,
madam, and | suppose it was case
of love?'
1T seemed so. Ny husband seemed
to think everything of me, and |
know l almost worshipped him.
We were very, very happy until a
year ago
Yes, suppose SO, madam AS
Milton says:
He called me his birdie-his
angel
! thought him the dearest on earth;
And we'll dance all night, till
broad daylight,
And-and-and so forth
"A few months ago. she softly
continued, : he began finding fault
with me because did not use more
big words in talking, and he said my
grammar was perfectly awful. Not
day passes that he does not up
braid me, and sometimes even wish
| were deadr
Madam, does he find any fault
with your cooking?
No, not any
Aud in making the he'd you don't
get the foot the highest?'
'Oh, no.
And he never finds the buttons
off his shirts--never comes home To
meals and finds the stove cold, and
you gossipping over the gate?'
He never has to wait one minute
for any of his meals, sir
your husband had no fault to
find for year or two-didn't seem
to notice your lack of big words
while the honey. moon lasted?'
mo-
very well, madam, your hus,
bands coat is too big to fit him in the
back, but think we can put arother
on him. Now, then, will you do as
| tell Won to?"
'Oh, sir, / couldn't poison him
couldn't do such thing! she ex'
claimed.
'Pizen, madam? Do resemble a
tiend? Do seem like a murderer:
I don't want you to kill him, but |
want to help you win back his love
and get his nose down where it used
to be. What time do you have sup
per-?
AT six, SIR
Well, you go home from here
and upset two or three chairs in the
sitting room, toss the broom out
doors, scatter the contents of the
work basket around the house, and
make things look as if there had
been tramp meeting held there;
put in just half enough tea; burn
your biscuit, and for sauce cut up
the hardest peaches you can find in
the market. AS he comes home have
on an old dress and your hair down,
and the minute he enters the house
YOU must remark that the lowell
ness o! the evening seems to perco-
late the entire catastrophe of the hy-
genie influence Big words, you
see-grammar till his hair stands up!
If be finds fault with the supper,
tell him that the encumbrance ap-
pears to elucidate the tarantula, and
If that doesn't fetch him you can con-
tinue to affiliate with the pabulistic
enigma. Give him big words and
bad observation-disclosures and slop-
by tea-and I'll bet FIVE hundred
bag puddings agin penny whistle
that he'll get up from that table with
his nose as low down as the mercury
| n-A... L.ao D.ncc ~