Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1878-11-28
FUNNY0RAPHs.

FUNNYoRAPHs.
lice is great storm scenter.-New
Orleans Picayune.
CURE for felons-arrest them.-Circi'-
mott Commercial Adve, tiser.
A COUNTRY tavern is made hotel be-
cause it has been counted inn.
A FREE lunch at Little Rock costs ten
cents.-Mew Orleans Picayune.
"NEvER say dye" to a woman who
uses it, Cincinnati Commercial.
The domestic goat is the bill sticker's
friend.-Neu Orleans Picayune.
EVEN a blacksmith's bellows some
times comes to Decentralization Post.
A GROWING evil-that clothing won't
grow with the generalization Trans
cript.
The favorite dish with impecunious
swells is woodcock on trust.-Pittsburyh ,
Telegraph.
A COUNTRY editor in Illinois writes
ave are having hog cholera. "-Neeo
Orleans Ptcayuns.
A PERsPICUoUs Vermont legislator
said in a speech: any wife, who is q
married woman!"
A WEALTHY German has purchased a
mantel clock for $4,000. Surely time
is money.-Oin. Commercial.
WHEN man is looking for writing
fluid, he may be said to be holding an
inquest Albons Advertiscr.
! If you turn an American Estate" up
side down you will find the etats of the
French Observation-Disclosures Bulhtim,
"0H, isn't that dainty dish to set
before king of the Cannibal Islands?
boiled Indian pudding.--Ci CONNER
cial.
MoITo for dyer's establishment:
Morituri solumtaus, we who are about
to dye salute you" --Albany Evening
Journal.
THE swollen brooklet murmurs louder;
All songless fit the feathery troop;
The clam, departed from the choder,
Leaves but poor potato soup.
TALK about angry sea, and mad waves
and all that. Humph! you'd be angry,
too, were you crossed as often as the
ocean is-Reynolds Herald.
The Germans call wedding a hoch-
zeit. In this country it takes sixty-three
gals, but in the fatherland only one gal
to make hocbzeit.-Boston Transcript.
SNoDGRAss says that two young ladies
kissing each other is like an emblem of
Christianity, because they are doing unto
each other as they would men should do
unto them.
GIVE the average American girl her
choice between going to heaven and
marrying into the nobility, and see how
few charms heaven has for her.-Keokuk
Constitution.
"PD thank the Lord" says Talmage,
elf I weighed $50 pounds" Well, why
doesn't he get employment in coal
; Norristoson Herald.
81 am inclined to believe" said fop
to a lady who had refused to sing,
"you are fishing for compliments.
ooh! no." replied she, II never fish in
so shallow a stream"
THERE are ten shades of red this sea-
, son in women's toggery and 347 shades
! of blue about the husband and father
who foots the dry goods and millinery
bills.-CdtskW Recorder.
! "pD offer the this sand of mine,'' is
! what the grocer sang to the customer
i who wanted sugar. He was advised to
9 keep his sand in his crop, but not to deal
Q it out-Keokuk Constitution.
s PROBABLY the best way to get stop
to this grave robbery business would be-,
! in every case where a grave is rifed, TO
! fill the vacancy promptly with medical
s student-Burlington Haeckeye.
"WHAT are stump-speakers? was
J asked of the smart boy at the head of the
class. Men who earn their living by
the sweat of their tongue" was the
prompt reply.-Phi. Chronicle Herald.
s "MY DEAR" said Mrs. Snodgrass, shud-
: dering, chow do these awful men sue
coed in entering dead peoples vaults?"
"With skeleton keys, 1 presume" un-
feelingly replied Mr.: s.-Nycuna Adver-
, tiser.
| x, poor literary man, has just made
. success. He has married rich old
, lady. "Capital!" said friend, "when
, you can't get promotion by merit, you
can get it through seniority. "-Paris
Firago.
DID you ever see an Italian Pawnees
overceat?- Cincinnati Saturday Might
Yes, and saw him Sioux for its recovery.
Detroit Free Press. And he had to
get Cheyenne of evidence to do it.
Guelph Herald.
A RETIRED detective: in writing up
the records of his twenty-five years ex-
perience, was greatly surprised to dis
cover that on two or three occasions he
, had come very near catching sombody.
.. Burlinoten Hawkeye.
A WESTERN paper apologies thus:
In place of Mayor n, who was tight
last evening beyond doubt" please
read "Mayor N. was right" etc. The
compositor that did the mischief has
been asked to remove himself.
: PHILADELPHIA admits that the Cape
May fire was quite disastrous; but"
! she cried aloud in her anguish, "what
is it to ours on the same day, in which
ten thousand kegs of beer are turned to
! ashes on our ips.-OU City Derrick.
A FRENCH paper reports murder trial
in which witness testified that he heard
two pistol shots on the staircase and sent
his wife to see what was the matter.
"You did not 60 up stairs yourselfT'
"No, sir; was afraid of the revolver"
A VERY ugly woman toying with a
pug dog in front of cafe on the boule-
ward, said to Rusty: kiss me and l
will give you this piece of sugar!'' A
street Arab passing by exclaimed {:
"Don't she ask high price for her SUI
gar"
! WHERE a man is hanging by his toes
from the cornice of his h building and
expects momentarily to drop, nothing 80
completely treasures and SO thoroughly