The Newtown bee., 1878-10-03
RuNREAMR.
A great moral shov Tha hypoorrta.

AnhhH men nhd corn AiNAYh 'rnp' bet ter wAau they got oyer Lslug greeu,
 Speaking of rndg reniafkz. any rsmarl Ia turI tltl gstS yuu ulu troJlia,
 fla man ls kicked hy a cow, cnn le not be said to get u free ullk pup ou iGcf,
 Early 10 hed curly lu rise, makes man healthy, wealthy and wisri hul early 10 Iyes and mrdy to b-d, makes maus H0ae turn cardinal red.
 Did you ever catch your clothes lyiu'7-
 HhuthaH Times No, but wu'Ne hefrl 'em rip nnd trnr lika auytoing. And there's no debut they sou. times wear Hmiully,
 A writer on tle ofeels of good taste says ''n mans drrAs should uut uv rsnrarh. lo, Tnnt IS why We odany nuld Il DLvk patch should not be scnIud uu white pants, or rice uersu. f,cuyppe.
 When n man repcles the top of stn'r. way and attempts To make uua uUre btep sher, the sensation ls nz perpIeAnR H, If he had attempted to Kick a dog that wrsnt there.
 "How much did you rny for that mi 2' asked au old coiored peinuu Of his fel- low tramp. "NeIl, 1 don't know, Tor when l bought 1t tuvre wusut any body ln the shop"
 Two beligercnt lawyers nj Lehanon, In. diam, bomJnrLvd cacu other with all the irlI-tanls they could tui. Tho Judge himself got n Little mixing of it, md was aclk)lMed to punish tneuI for contempt.
 If you take one of the new silver half dollur,, pour little nuriat,c uc,d ou tue figure Of the eagle and Set 1t in the suu for twenty minutes, when you come to look ut il 1t will be gone, Aul the tramp who took u will be gone also.
 There is man in Louisiana who is such a confirmed gambler thai When he wa, tod the other duy that Il friend had been stricken down by the "clII, cold hand of death, he immediately went ont to rsiao it, declaring that mo man could play n cold hrnd on my friend of his.
 "What is q junction, nurso?' asked n seven yeur-old fairy tIe other dny of an elderly lady who stood ut her side on a railroad platform, "A junction, my uear,' answered tn nurse, with the air of il Very superior person indeed; 'why, it is plpce where two roads separate.
 A floating paragraph sgys "the newest pocket h.isH is covered with crocodile skin." Will some old scientist have inc kindness 10 inform Us what tl pocket flask is ?-Norristor1 Uerdd, Tell hIm, somc- body-ne don't rcIly know, hr never car red less than d gallon jug With hlm,- Fulton ImeS.
 "Well, I suppose yon have been out to look at Texas; dId you See anything of our friend X. out there - "Yes-gone de- ranged. "Goue deringed How ? What oors he do? Real crazy ?' "I,s, ind eH he doesm't know lis own hogs from his neighbors'."
 An American tourist was visiting Naples, and SAW Nesuyius during all eruption. Have you anything like that in the New World Y was the question of an Italian spectator. Mo-" replied Jonathan, ''but l guess We have uIii-d;tnl that would pnt it out ill five miuutes."
 Afellow at q cat+le-show, where he made himself conspicuous by hia blustsr, cried out, "Call these prizr cattle. Why they in't nothing to what our folks raised. My father raised the biggest calf of any man around our parts" No doubt of it," said u bystander, and the noisiest"
 An Irshman who was standing on Lon don bridge naid to 6 yuuth ''Fmth, aud I think l know yees; whats yer name f' "Jones," said the boy. ''JOnts, Jones, suid the Irsman, and l knew several ouId maids by that name i'll Dublin; Was aIther of them yer nOther?
 Robinson went up to his room the other afternoon, and noticed that there Was only one matcn remaining in the box Now if that shouldn't burn lo- night when 1 come ill.," solioquized he, ''what a fix 1 would be in" So lie tried to see if it was a good one. It WAS.
 A new clerk in n Harlem drug store was ii4c;arg~ d the other clay because he didn't know how to look wise, roil his eyes, and say "seyeuty five cents without turning reu in the face as he handed out little powder that hal cost the concern about two cents and q fraction. Emotion &4nd business don't jingle.
 He lives in the country, and he wanted to get married, Lut his reInark was appIi- gable even unto the youth of the city:-'I can almost support myself HOW, and it must be q mighty poor sort of u woman who cau't do the rest Is there a father and mother who wish to take another Ooarder?
 A lady at Binghamton, while looking over her husbands old clothes recently, discovered letter which she had given Jim 10 post eleven years ago. The letter was addressed to lady friend, and its non- | arrival was the cause ot all enstrangement | tha two families ever since. And | yet girls continue to get married.
 In Paris restaurant a gentleman and snOb are seated at the same table. The l ,nob is just finishing his dinner, the gen .leman just beginning his. Tie snob ights.a cigar and blows a cloud of smoke 1 ,ver his coffee. The gentleman rises and ;ays in the politest tone, Excuse me, sir | will it annoy you if l eat while you are 
 A clever Tuscaroran was tried at Elko, | Nevada, for cattle stealing. The jury ac- quilted him without leaving the box, and | lpon his return home friend inquired | IS to the result of the trial:-''No cause of | iction," said the party, T merely killed | he OK in self-defence, and nte him for | pite, and, of course, was acquitted by he intelligent jury"
 Next to chasing street car, with the | thermometer at loo. the best way to amuse ! 'ne's self is to try to pick il knot out of d hoestring. A man jerks away at it for a then says, Darn it." hauls out ! lis knife and cuts it. woman picks | way with a vindictiveness that only d | yell regulated female possesses; the quieter lie is the maGder s''e is getting. When . he gets through she rncks very fast. aud 1 [ is not good time for George to ask | Ter if the buttons are on his shirt.
 .--o e
 A HAPPY SAEEGR.
 Tn 1872 a sailor yho had inst returned