Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-08-07
IIunlOr.

|
stones are so far apart.
Fast men, like fast rivers, are apt to
be very shallow
Isn'tit odd that the sons of toll have
on them tons of Soil?
| People can lie just as easy about the
silver dollar as if the mercury stood at
! zero.
There IL no good substitute fur wis
dunn. but silence IL the best that haz
been discovered yet.-Josh Billings
A tack points heavenward when it
means the most mischief. 1t has
many human imitators- Cincinnati
! Breakfast Table,
| A Kentucky girl with $4,000 pinned
to her corset, Is coming east, just ahead
Of an enraged father. 'Rah for the
girl!
cts a poor rule that won't work both
ways" is supposed to have originated
with the school boy who took the rule
away from his teacher and knocked
him down with it.
The position Of baggage-smasher, at
this season of the year, is one of solemn
and unlimited perspiration.
Marriages are not plentiful enough.
The youns ladies ought to get up a
strike for their alters The strike for
the fires Can come IN afterward, when
the question ofbuilding them comes up.
Canvass suspenders now seem to be
worn by most all ladies. There's no
give" to them, and that's the reason
you occasionally hear n button fly off
when lady grabs for her skirt. Now
they will be called canvass back ducks
more than ever.
We were not one Of the newspaper
men who were sWindled with the new
counterfeit five thousand dollar bill
We compared it with others in our
pocket, and refused to take it. We I'M
agine that we had sense enough to have
kept our mouth shut about it even if
we had been fooled.
"Where did this baby come from %
asked fve-year old girl of the nurse,
who was washing the squealing little
stranger Why from Heaven, Of
course" replied the nurse. "Well, if it
screamed like that, [ don't wonder they
sent it OFF, was the stunning reioinder.
81 want, and will have, a wife without
falling" was the remark Of a young
man who had three seasons experience
of life. His sister, with only a country
girls philosophy, remarked: "Then
you'll never marry, because, should you
find such woman, she'll be sure to
want husband Of the same charac-
ter"
Doctor" said lady, want you
to prescribe for me-" "There is moth
ing the matter, madam" said the doc
tor, after feeling her pulse; "you only
need rest" "Now, doctor, just look at
my tongue" she persisted. g Just look
at it-look at it! Now say what does
that need % " [ think that needs rest
too" replied the doctor.
A young gentleman of Prairie Grove,
Texas, proposed to his lady love, but
was gently refused. He went a second
and a third time with the same result.
But at length he rode over one evening
and told her he would neither eat sleep,
nor speak unil she consented to be-
come his bride. She invited him in to
dinner; he shook his head. She talked
on; he merely looked rejected Then
she requested him to take supper;
negative shake of the head
was the only reply. She played,
sang and chatted on till bedtime, when
servant showed him room; a mega
tive shake. She tripped away to her
chamber: he sat determined still. About
twelve o'clock she came back and said,
q don't wish to cause the death of a
good officer, so | will marry YOU" The
released one rose, and with much
earnestness said =" My dear, have you
any cold victuals on hand?"
I'd like to be an Esquimaux
nd live cakes of ice, ..s-1
I'd mix up cocktails all the day
'l''N $50 ~ -Boston Post.
Old Gid Tucker is a nice Ole man.
He always rides whenever he can.
Climb up behind he always will
Whatever is the shape OF the vehlklll-
Get out OF the way. old Gid Tucker,
You're to old to hang to the crupper.
The boy stood squarely on the base
Already two were out
The grin that lighrened up his face
Shone round about his snout.
The boy. he raised the ash aost
And call for one hlp-uigh,
The pitcher put it 10 red not,
1t hit h m in the eye.
Again the gallant youth stood up,
Determined he would score;
The next one hit him i'll the stomach
He playeth ball no more.
Relatives and friends are invited to
attend without further notice.-BOstOn
Post
A New Use for Seals.
Chambers Journal.
There exists an animal which might
be trained to render US great service.
that is the seal, which is, slaughtered so
mercilessly for the sake Of its oil and
skin. Intelligent and eaffectionate, it
possesses all the qualities suitable for
domestic state The director of the
Museum at Dion had so skillfuly
tanned one some years ago, that though