The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1878-04-23
MAL.APROPOS.
A Bevy OF Ridiculous aud Embarras.
sing nlun0erB.

MALAPROPOS.
A Bevy OF Ridiculous aud Embarras.
sing Bltlnders.
Charles Dickens once wrote to a friend !:
~ have distinguished myself in two re-
spects lately. I took young lady I'M
known down to dinner, and talked to
her about the Bishop of Durham's nepo-
tism in the matter of Mr.. Cheese. I
found she was Mrs. Cheese. And ex-
patiated to the member for Marylebone,
Lord Fermoy-generally conceiving him
to be an Irish member-on the contempt
ible character of the Marylebone con-
stituency and Marylebone representa-
tives." Two such mishaps in one even
ing were enough to reduce the most bril-
liant talker to the condition of the three
"insides" of the London-bound coach,
who beguiled the tedium of the journey
from Southampton BY discussing the de-
merits of William Goblet, until one Of
the party went so far as to assert that
the object of their denunciations was a
domestic tyrant, given to beating his
wife; when, much to his dismay, the
solitary lady passenger, who had hither.
to sat listener, remarked: "Pardon
me, sir; a kinder husband and father
never breathed; and ought to know, fol
l am William Cobbett's wife!"
NJ. Giles, of Virginia, and Judge Du
val, of Maryland, members of Congress
during Washington's administration
boarded at the house of a Mrs. Gibbon
whose daughters were we'll on in years
and remarkable for talkativeness. When
Jefferson became president, Duval was
comptroller of the treasury, and Giles g
senator. Meeting one day in Washing
ton, they fell to chatting over old times
and the senator asked the comptroller il
he knew what had become of "that cack
ling old maid, Jenny Gibbon." "She
is Mrs. Duval, sir" was the unexpected
reply. Giles did not attempt to memo
matters, as certain Mr.. Tuberville un
wisely did. This unhappy blunderer re-
sembled the Irish gentleman who COM
planned that he could not open his mouth
without putting his foot in it. Happen
ing to observe to a fellow-guest at Dun.
raven Castle that the lady who had sat
at his right hand at dinner was the ugli-
est woman he had ever beheld, the per
son addressed expressed his regret that
he should think his wife so ill-looking.
II have made mistake" said the hor-
rified Tuberville; II meant the lady
who sat on my left" "Well, sir, she is
my sister," was the response to the we'll
intentioned fb, bringing from the des-
perate connoisseur Of beauty the frank
avowal: at can't be helped, sir, then;
for, if what you say be true, confess l
never saw such an ugly family in the
course of my life?'
An honest expression of opinion, per.
haps not so easily forgiven by the
individual concerned, was that wrung
from Mark Twain, who, standing right
before young lady in Partisan public
garden, cried out to his friend, "Dan
just look at this girl; how beautiful she
isl" to be rebuked by " this girl" saying
in excellent English: II thank you
more for the evident sincerity of the
compliment, sir, than for the extraordin
airy publicity you have given it +" Marx
took a walk, but did not feel Just com
Portable for some time afterwards.
One of the humorist's countryme1
made much more serious blunder. He
was married man. Going into the
kitchen one day, pair of soft hands
were thrown over his eyes, kiss was i'm
printed on his cheek. He returned the
salute with interest, and, as he gently
disengaged the hands of his fair assail
ant, asked: "Mary, darling, where il
the mistress?" and found his answer il
al indignant wife's face. MARY dar
ling" had gone out for the day, and the
lady of the house intended by her affec
tionate greeting to give her lord pleas
ant surprise. He got his surprise
whether he thought it pleasant one hi
never divulged, but that kitchen knew
Mary no more.
When a note was handed to DR.. Flet
cher in his pulpit intimating that the
presence of a medical gentleman, sup
posed to be in the church, was urgently
required elsewhere, the preacher reac
the letter out, and, as the doctor wal
making for. the door, fervently ejacu
lated: "May the Lord have mercy or
his patient?
An unpleasant way of putting thu
thing was innocently adopted by the
New York car.driver, who, blissfully
ignorant that his interlocutor was Mr.
Beecher, replied to that gentleman''
query whether he did not think it pos
sible to dispense with running the car
all day on Sunday. I" Yes, sir, do; bu
there's no hope for it as long as they
keep that Beecher theater open in Brook
lyn; the cars have to run to accommo
date that"
An American newspaper says: "Tht
enthusiastic choir-master who adopted
Hold the Fort as professional h ym1
has been dismissed by the minister, wht
considered it personal when the choi
burst forth:
'See the mighty host advancing,
Satan leading on!''
Chambers Journal
Some OF Prentice's Sa! ings.
A recent writer reproduces from the