Litchfield enquirer., 1878-06-20
CLIPPINGS.

Some irreverent scribe speaks of Old Simon as ''the railroad and widow wrecker."
 An editor asks: 'How do the Indians get arms ?" We'll, very much as they get legs and other things
 "One hour to-day is worth two tomorrow" because there may be a baseball game that will occupy all your time.
 We get the Dollar Democrat from Louis vile. A dollar for democrat is too cheap, even in these hard times
 With the exception of delinquent subscri- bers, everything is about a fortnight earlier than usual this year.
 Wilkie Collins's new novel is entitled. ''The Haunted Hotel" So it would seem that hash is not the only mystery in that tavern.
 Somebody has taken the trouble to write book about ''How to Find the Stars" Don't want to read it-step on bit of orange peel.
 A man reading that the Paris Exposition re- quires an area of 642, 900 metres exclaimed, 'What a gas bill they must have to pay"
 London Fun:- Youth-''Got such thing as light about yer, Guv'ner?" Crusty old boy "A light What dye wan4 to goto bed?"
 Sign in an obscure London shop-window: "Goods removed, messages taken, carpets beat en, and poetry composed on any subject"
 A little urchin being asked, ''What is Rhode Island noted for?" replied, ''It is the only one of the New England States which is the smallest"
 A landlord, having let all his houses but one, was asked if that unlet house was his last. ''Yes, last, but not leased" was his re- ply.
 In Australia a man who can rig up churn to run by dog power is spoken of as an em l. nent engineer and invited to lay corner stones. l Now is the time for Edison to invent strawberry box that will hold quart. It | seems simple, but it has never been done. When a Democrat ballotboX suffer is sent | to jail he fares on bread and water the same as the rest, in spite of influence. He doesn't object to the bread-but water!
 'Brave men, wise men, true men!' shouts the Newark Journal, ''to the front! !" Thank you, thank you kindly. Now if the usher will please show us right up to the orchestra chair. -BurISmgtO7e Haeokeye.
 The ancient Phenicians believed the stom- ach was the seat of wisdom. That is where David Davis got his idea of running for Presi- dent. If he had lived in Phenicia he would have been postmaster.
 Barber (apropos of customers beard )-'fYes great improvement, indeed, sir, since you took our Balm of Illyria' Of course you willtake another bottle?'' Customer (dryly)-''No thanks, haven't tried the first yet
 Moments with Satan" is the title of an en. tertainment in magic. AS an admission fee is charged, it looks very much like case of the devil to pay.
 In a recent case for assault, the defendant pleaded guilty II think I must be guilty, D said he sbecause the plaintiff and I were the only ones in the room and the first thing knew was that was standing up and he was guilty"
 l Proud lady of the house (condesendingly)- 'tWell, William have you got the place ?'' William, the small page boy (more condes- | cendingly still)-'Yes 1 thank my lady {; there was six other young gentlemen, but was chose.''
 l A very beautiful and stylish American lady has married the SOB of the great French man modiste. It is not often that remarkable beau ty and great Worth are united, but this is an instance.
 ''Give him consulship in warm place. ' said MT. Hayes when he endorsed Andersen's application We do not betray confidence when we say this was MT. Hayes Christian way of telling Anderson he might go to H-- alifax
 A Minnesota girl has been serving on a rail- road as a brakeman in male attire. She gave a civil answer to the questions of a passenger, 1 when her sex was at once suspected
 At wedding recently, when the clergyman asked the lady, ''Wilt thou have this man to be thy welded husband ?" she, with nodes ty which lent her beauty an additional grace replied, Eff you please"
 The other day distinguished literary ma was crossing the Boston Common, when a policeman, observing him treading upon the grass, growled, Don't you see that sign, Keep off the grass?'" Certainly I do ," was the reply, q am doing all can to keep it of !''-
 A celebrated actress, whose fresh smile and silver voice favored the deception always call ed hereself sweet sixteen" She stated her age as sixteen in court as witness. Her son was directly afterward called up and asked how old he was ''Six months older than mother," was the honest reply.
 Two sweet little girls sat upon the sidewalk in front of the Post office, one of them nursing large wax doll. Her companion asked in tones of deep earnestness "Does 'oo have much twouble wifi Cor baby" ''Oh, doodness, l yes, ]" was the reply, ''she cwies mos all e 1 time She's ies' cwied an cwied ever since she was born. Is jes' discouraged, an don't fink I'll ever born any more"