Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1878-03-30

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it in our columns:
MRS. TUBES HAS AN ADVENTURE
Mr.. EDITOR OF HEARTH AMI
HOME: Your perfect gentlemaniy
way of putting my letter in youI
paper last winter, writ as a warning
to all bad boys on ice, inclines me
to send another letter which it will
be warning to all young women
never to commit the mistake which
did most innocent on Saturday
gone week at a big drag goods
store in New York. had heerd
considerable about this 'ere store,
but / warn't in no way prepared for
all / see there. Sakes 1t was
equal to a dozen villages like Van
dusenburg a-cOmin' out o. meetin'
all at once. Such a crowd / never
see, and the women maulin' of the
goods without buyin', and the
clerks 6,okin' on sarcastic just like
you see in any onery store. Well,
l went about better'n an hour get
tim couple o. pair o. good domes-
seven-ei2iths of a yard of stuff for
cheese bags and sudden, being un-
common tired, / felt a weak spell
comm on, and ] hadn't hardly
strength to ask for chintz for the
setting-l:OOm sofa.
"Next story, ma'am," says the
clerk, kind o. loOkin' sharp at me
wouldn't you like to take elewa-
tor 2"
Well, was beat! 1t seemed a
most uncommon proceeding, and
what never heard no gentleman
do before, to ask me to take ele-
wator. / had my misgivings what
it meallt, for our Jabez with his
jokes and what nots, though his
father and me is most strong temp
rince folks, persists sometimes In
takin' what he calls elevators, which
is glasses o. speerits and water, cal
kerlated, as he says, to raise droop-
i'm feelin's and failin' strength.
"Sir," says i, as lofty as i could,
"I prefer not, and to my mind you'd
do better for a respectable shop not
to be offerin' elevators, leastways
not to me-" So / kept walkin'
round, not likin' to ask questions
showin' my country ways, and still
feelin' that awful feelin of goneness
which them as has weak spells is
subject to, when another clerk, hear
ing me ask for chintZes, said some
thing again about my takin' a ele-
wator. BY this time / felt awful,
and, says /, maxim up my mind it
was q York fashion, and it warn't
best to seem too back-country,
"Thanks to you, sir" says ], 81
don't mind tryin' somethin' o. the
kind, bein' most remarkable thirs-
ty."
"Certainly, ma'am," says he,
bowling careless towards a stand
h6Idin' a fancy pail with spigot to
it, full of what might have took
to be water, judgin' by the taste,
but know well enough ii was some
deceiptful genteel kind o. liquor
with the taste and smell taken out,
like they do to benzine and castor
oil. No sooner had l swallowed
goblet of it when the young man
pinted to a little room which, If
you'll believe me, Mr.. Editor, give
the queerest kind o. jerk you ever
see Just as / looked in, anG seein'
comfortable sofas all around the
walls of it, / stepped in. There was
other ladies goin' in too, so we all
set down, and / couldn't help won
dering whether the poor things had
been takin' elevators like me. at
won't do no harm," says l to my
self, ''to sit here minute or two
till this weak spell passes of, /" when,
massy on me if / didn't feel my
self agoin' up! Yes, agOin' up, and
with me the room, and sofas, aud
ladies, and all! / clutched hold
of the cushion and stared kind o.
wild, like as not, for one of the la
dies bit her lip as if contemplating
to laugh, and still we was all agoin'
up, leastways so it seemed. "It's
all on an account o. takin' that ele-
wator," thinks l to myself, and
then it come upon me how uncom-
mon appropriate the word was,
meanin' a drink, though often had |
heard Jabez's pa scOld him for using
that vulgar expression. But j
couldn't help feelin' scared, particu-
lar when / see, all of a suddent, |
men and women kind o. walkin'
about in the air. Once / jumpedup |
to go out o. the room, but a man |
workin' some clockworks in the |
corner held out his hand. "In one |
moment, madam ~ said he, push |
in me back with such air!
"Did you take a elevator? i |
whispered to the lady sitting along
side o. me. She nodded her head |
without sayin' nOthin', and from
her queer look / reckoned she was
worse affected even than i was.
"It's the first one / ever took in |
my life here in York" continues /; |
''Our country elevators is more pos |
tive to take, but they don't have |
nothin' like the effect, though must |
say such things never oughter to be |
took 'cept in sickness"
"Now, madam" says the clock |
man, very p0mpous, f'yOu won't |
have no difficulty nOw.v Sure |
enough ] didn't have no difficulty. |
For mint the effect of the eIewa-
tor passed off suddener than IL came. /
/ followed the ladies out lively |
enough, utsakes alivel what time I
/ had findin' the street door! / |
never was so bothered in all my life, /
though / knowed all along what
was the matter, but just Kept on
without askin' no questions of mo-
body, and finally agoin' down stairs
and down stairs, and expectin' moth
ing else but to find myself in the /
kitchen, II Mr.. Stewards family |
lives anywhere i'm the buildin', j
which is most likely, there bein' |
enough room, / should think. Well,
to make long story short, how l
ever got out of that store / don't |
ever expect to know, but after i
once ketched sight o. them glass |
doors | didn't turn neck nor heel |
till / stood out on the sidewalk ex-
plainin' private to a policeman that |
I'd been takin' elevator, and |
wouldn't he put me in a downtown |
stage. To this day haven't said |
a word about the business to Jabez,
nor husband, nor no one to home.
SoIi.s things had best be bygones.
But j feel it bounden duty, Mr..
Editor, to warn all respectable |
females, great and small, not to be |
led into takin' elevators when they /
go into them York stores, least Of
all this new-fangled kind which Is
equally fatal in consequences to pure |
sperits, and tastes like nOthin' ON I
aa rth hut water. which leads Won To /