Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1878-09-19
FUNNYGRAPHs.


EVERY tramp is in favor OF the ate
hour law.
To make a mango-Read him your
last poem.
The forerunners of plague--A NOS
quito's legs.-Neav Hoven Register.
HONESTY, unfortunately, is not the:
best politician.
"JUsr as the elbows bent, the swig's
inclined. "-Boston Post.
ANT1-FAT for compositors. The presi-
dents message.-R Rome Sentinel.
NEVER let boy baby walk too soon.
He may turn out tramp.-N. Y. Com.
Adv.
Mr.. PULLMAN says that if he can
" with the Angel stand" he will pro-
coed to sheriff-him.
HIGH back combs are very fashionable,
but the sweetest thing is combs IN the
honeycomb.
ENGLISH army officers growl at their
comfortable barracks, when they stayed
for months in Administrations Post.
The young mon who has any prudence.
about him will write his love letters In
cipher and forget the key.-Detroat F7es
Press.
WHEN a fellow bequeathes his body
to medical college for dissection, that's
what you may consistently call "a dead
give away"
The Danbury man has theory that
the man-eating sharks off Long Island
are New York hackmen thrown out of
business by the elevated road.
IT is said that mosquitoes are bred
upon the waters. In that case they will
return again before many days.-N. y.
Picayune.
AN English scientist has discovered
that lying produces q huskiness of the
throat. This, perhaps, explains the
pitcher and glass on the orators little
table.
THERE is a gill of whisky in every
twentv-o1,e ears of corn. Therefore d
hotel guest who displays too much appe-
tite for corn may incur the suspicion
that he has read up on extracts.
A11rTLE girl asked a minister, "Do
you think NY father will 60 to heaven"
"Why, yes, my child. Why do you
i: k?'' swell, becausei if he don t have
his own way there he won't stay long
EYES," said an Irish gentleman at
Long Branch, "that lady is very disa-
greeable at table. If I lived IL the same
house with her, she would be the only
one in it, can tell YOU"
The Paris green did not exactly Kill
the potato bugs, but it so seEiousl I'M
paired their intellect that they have gone
to eating Canada Unsatisfactory
Neacs.
| AwAG in New York seeing a mzn
drive tack into card, through the leg
ter in the word Boston," excitedlv
exclaimed: "Why, what are you about;
don't you know that laying tar on tea in
! Boston once raised a numbering muss
there?"
CARE grapes healthy?" asks an ex-
change. AS a fruit, opinions differ.
George Washington, Christopher Colum-
bus, Noah, Napoleon the First, and
Mary, Queen of SCOTS, ate grapes, and
they are all dead now. Draw your Own
conclusions.
! AN Ohio young lady committed sui
eide one Sunday because her father
|
. his hired man. Now an Indiana girl
would have simply left note saying,
sDeer father, we hev few, forgiv your
Tilda. IN. Y. Com. ado.
The sides, the ends and the cover of
an old trunk may be from time to time
completely replaced in the course of con-
tinued repairs, but the labels that mark
the fact that it made a trip to Europe in
1867 remains unchanged and decidedly
conspicuous.-Puck.
/ HENRY was sitting in the parlor with
Laura, and in attempting to turn the gas
down dim, he extinguished it. "There,''
he exclaimed, " the gas has gone out. -
j"Yes,'' murmured Laura, "and [ wish.
some one would follow its example, >
Then Henry went out, too.-Aorr5stoun
Herald.
/: Il KNOW where there is another arm
Just as pretty as this one,'' said young
Oil Citizen to his sweetheart, as he
pinched hear fair arm. The storm that
! quickly gathered upon the lady's brow
as quickly passed away when the young
man pitched her other arm and said, 1t
is this one, dear."-OH City Derrick.
The badness of trade: Shopkeeper
Ito commercial traveler). Cant give
you an order; quite overstocked." Irav-
eler: "Let me, at least, show you my
samples" Shopkeeper: "Spare your
self the trouble; can't look at them
Traveller: "Then will you allow me to
look at them myself? It is three weeks
since l have even seen them.-Funny
Folks.
SOME one alleges to have discovered
that the reason Barbara Freitchie didn't
wave flag at Fredericktown, was be-
cause there was no Barbara Freitchie to
wave it. Ten years hence some enc will
declare that there was no southern re-
bellion, that JEFF. Davis was Hezekiah
Longbottom, and lived in Berks county
in cave during the alleged war.-Aor-
ristoacn Herald.
A BERGEN county man pleasantly sat
down at breakfast, and his wife said,
darling, does your head acne:' He
replied with sufficient dignity, en-;
why should you ask?" And she said
back, "Well, dear, you came in at three
o'clock this morning, and as you couldn t
hang your hat on the rack, you put the
rack down on the floor, and said you'd
hang every hat in the house on it; and
thought your head might ache.''-Neac
York Herald.
The other day visitor surprised
Richard Grant White saying to his
baby: "Oh-ny no-ny, e mussy tick hick
his itty footsy wootsies out FUN indy re
banky wanky OF catch coly woly an
have re snuffles." Just then he caught
sight of the visitor, and said to the in
FAINT: Ono, no, you must not expose
your pedal extremities by extending
them beyond the protecting cover OF the
blanken, or you will lay your system
open to attacks Of catarrhal anecnons.
And the astonished child shrleked as
enough someone had winged it with
patent safety pin.-Burlington Ha'0keye
The story is told of Henry Ward
Reecher that on one occasion when tax
| ...,or Of on i'm, in Nou Iorsov