West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-11-30
WAIFS AND wHIMS.


ATowFR of strength-The tow-boat.
TnE latest thing in drcsses--night-
dresses.
FALL opening-A dozen raw on Sne
half shell.
a PROFIT is appreciated in it's own
country. Graphic.
AwL things to all people-Cobblers
keokuk Constitution.
lof-l0 hiss AXE Whitehall Times. q
60 2.-Syrdcusc Times.
A GRAVE digger-One who never
smiles. KcokUk Constitution.
FEATHERS are used this year TO trim
everything except hotel pillows
LEISURE is n very pleasant garment.
but IL very bad one for constant wear.
SPEAKING of rude remarks, any re-
mark is rued that gets you into trouble.
SEAsoNADLEadvico-be kind to every-
body-that has a vote. BrookuiUc Demo
crdt.
THERE are nine hundred miles of
water mains underlying the streets of
London.
How to prevent jockeying in n horse
race-Don't have any horse race.--OH
city Derrick.
WITH rattlesnakes IA large around M
gate post and having thirty-eight rat
ties, Florida IL not very enticing place.
q" No more fit TO go to Congress than
an oyster is for a dancing master" il n
Kentucky papers opinion of n candi-
date for Congress.
You may not have been born n gen
tieman, but If you act like one you have
the satisfaction of knowing that nature
made the blunder and not yourself.
THEY do such things better abroad.
Half II million dollars was offered I'm the
way of bail for the release of Direc-
tor OF the Glasgow Bank and refused.
A TEXAS paper has found the most
unpopular candidate on record. Ii de-
clares that he has not popularity enough
To muster corporal's guard on an In
vltation TO take drink.
"A SPLENDID croquet ground in the
rear" said the real estate agent. And,
when he had bought the house and
moved in he found that the frogs kept
croaking all night.
No matter how good-natured fnan
may be he will invariably get mad
when he discovers that there is no towel,
in the room and is compelled to dry his
face on the bed-quilt.
A SUPEME Court decision declares
that house-owners cannot be forced by
any ordinance TO clear their walks OF
snow. The walk belongs 10 the public,
the same as the street
AN Iowa Judge has decided that
Millerites and all others who set day
for the world to end are lunatics, and
where they have property guardians
should be appointed TO control IL.
TUTOR" Come now, Mr.. b., give me
familiar example of HOgarth's line OF
grace. Can't you think of it2 It's
curved article that you see every dgy"
Mr.. Is. desperately" A pretzelP
Tux friend who holds mirror 70 my face,
And hiding none, ~ not afraid 10 trace
Ny faults my smallest blemishes, sithin:
Who friendly warns, reproyes me n SIM
Although IT scems not 10, he Is my friend.
But he who ever Hatterint, gives me praise,
Who ne Or robukes nor ccnsurcs nor delaysl
TO come with eagofness and gra5 my hand,
And pardon me ere pardon demand
he is my enemy, although he seems ruy friend.
WILLIAM KELLER was voted for I'm
the Second Ward of Elizabeth, N. j., as
Democratic candidate for Justice of the
Peace, and elected. IL has been dis
covered since that he has been dead six
months.
NEW cloak claspsin oxidized silver, or
silver and platina, represent lizards,
large butterflies, or fat, shield shaped
pieces, ia which are embossed Japanese
designs. Belt clasps come also in many
fanciful designs, and take up the entire
front OF the waist.
Ar DesMOines kitten had caught
and was playing with a mouse, when
the frightened captive sprang into
pussy's open mouth, and ran down her
throat. The kitten went into spasms,
which did not subside till the mouse
had been sufioCated.
STOCKINGS are gay with color and
with many new patterns. Some have
the instep adorned with fine stripes, and
this part OF the stocking is woven across,
instead Of up and down a. in the under
meath par I Of the foot 10 az 20 insure
perfect az. The sides OF the stocking
are finished with the fine colOred en-
brOideries
BE a man or mouse" says an old
adage This isn't fair; 10 don't give
fellow show for who wants 20 be
mouse, and have every woman he ap-
prOaches climbing up on n chair, or
jumping over the piano, and when he
isn't thinking about it, setting traps for
him2 It's too one-sided is that adage,
and leaves n fellow no choice except to
be a man.--ReOkuk Consfitution.
CAS- Englishman was riding on a
Continental railway when a sudden halt
and loud report informed the passengers
that some accident had happened. Every
one else rushed out, Of course, to see
what was the matter, but he sat tran
gully, az if not at all interested in any
thing beyond his own thoughts. Pres
emily q person came up and informed
him that the engine had burst its boiler.
" Aver Then came another, saying
that there were fifteen persons killed.
The Englishman still sat unmoved, and
grunted out another aweW But,
finally, a third messenger ran up in great
haste, and said, Ny dear sir, your valet
has been blown into a hundred pieceslys
" Aver was the response Just bring
me the piece that contains the key 10 my
pOrtmanteau ~