The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-01-08

I'm blowing WOlbe u meas your 0Ooes
Unless necessity impose.
When drinking do not stare around.
Nor make harsh or gurgiing sound.
Turn not your meat 70 view it clo'e,
Nor even hold il TO your nose.
Stuff not your mouth nor blow your meat,
But wait till its cool enough TO eat.
II in your food should chance to b
What can't be eat conveniently,
Remove it from your mouth with care,
Lean not upon aLother's chair.
There is nothing like politeneas and
civility, it costs nothing and smooths down
the rough corners Of life wonderfully. We
can even appreciate that Bostonianis polite
ness:
"Is Governor Rice ?" inquired . seedy-
looking man of the clerk Of the Brunswicx,
Boston. few nights ago. "Yes." said the
clerk, "yes. he is" SWELL" said the man,
walking out, "I'm glad Of it.; its . vet
night, and he might catch cold if he Vas
out"
From politeness to poker is but one step,
although the latter il "bluff." we'll admit.
And We never hear the word bluff mentioned
but what We think how Bill Austin, of the
Chronicle, g,t scooped by his friend Muir
ply. Here's how it was:
Will Austin, of the Chronicle, attempted
to teach Patrick Murphy, Of the Post, how
to plav poker. Murphy learned rapidly,
and the stakes, from = small beginning Of
beans, devel oped into bullion. When the
Dot had risen to sixteen dollars, Murphy
got inquisitive.
"S'posen q man has two kings"
"Good hand"
''S'posen he has two more, il that double!'
Austin exuded considerable perspiration,
and remarked:
"Thunder. throw up my hand. You
are q id fool 10 have told me. You
might have won all hadw
Murphy raked in the pot, laid down his
hand and started home. Austin picked up
the relinquished cards, ran them through.
and exclaimed:
"Two skies by all that's holy"
Reader, were you ever id fool enough
to be in love? Hey: Well, then, you
know how it is. yourself. But there ID
something about pretty woman that never
fails to strike fellow right where he lises,
if he has got any heart at all. And the
man who can't appreciate pretty woman
has only . gizzard-you hear what your
uncle tells you. But II you do love q
woman, don't 60 and make q fool of your
self, and improvise poetry tina. has got a
much harmony n q coil of red-hot wire
rolled over white cotton sheet, nor roll ur
your eyes to the stars like dying cali
counting the r,ud-dobbers' nests in the rooi
of slaughter house. No, sir-talk to youI
sweetness like . man, hug her like q
grizzly, and kiss her every time you get q
chance If you don't get chance, kiss
her anyhow. Then tell her that you want
want her right away-want her for better
or worse, and from fair to middling. And
you bet your boots, If shes sensible girl
she'll wilt right down like an iceberg o.
rock candy in q sea of honey. You heal
what your uncle tells you.
Here's the way one idiot went to worh
and Lit into the wrong house:
He bought guitar and prac,iced for siz
long weary msnths. But at the end oil
that time smile of joy lit up his wan and
weary face, and his brow grew radiant
with Joy, a. he inspected the corns On tn,
thumb Of his right hand. The hour VA
10 p. m, and he wandered through thu
Silly night to the boarding house whers
she lived. and directly under th.t window
which had been 90 often sancti6ed BY bel
presence he commenced to toOt.
lfwang. twang him y
| 81 wandered b-i-i the brOokside.
| fkiang clang. boo j
I wandered b-i III the MILL
And the sash was gently raised with ,
crash, and deep bass voice yelled out
wish BY ehings ~ you fall into you
brookeide, throw yourself ia dose mill, ode
pillow my vissel and call Polizeideiner.'
1t was cruel in her to have changed hel
room without letting him know, and o. he
broke three of the strings ia the violenc
of his emotion, he murmured, "Ah, love
most belovedest love how many wantOnes
trickst thou playest thy child!
But we've quit al that, and have got nj
right to talk about love. We suppose. s.
we're like Alexander Stephen' nieseI
Tom:
Mr.. Stephens has many stories to tell o
negroes, and one is Of famous cotton ant
chicken depred ator, Who since the war me
the ex-Vice President in the road. SWELL
Thorn as" was the kindly salutstion, 81 VA
sorry to hear that you had been in trouble
about Mrs Trips chickens"
"Yes, Mars Alec, but l done quit al
dat now" said the negro very penitently.
SHOW many did you take before you
stopped ?" asked Mr. Stevens.
II took all she had VS. the perfectly
innocent reply.
And now, fellow citizens, we will Civ
you one more good solid lie that will las
, you till We come again next week. In tn
meantime be industrious and honest an,
hoe your own row:
."It's . pretty true sayin' that truth
stranger'n friction" remarked Galley to tn
old resident, as he sat in the fish marke
examining his mouth with boneles cod
"rwenty years ago, when lived up in Lit
tleboro, there was . young fe:ler there b,
the name oil kin4e-Sl kinge-and ne va
engaged to be married to lovely gal VII,
vas proud and considerable poor. Old mai
. Rinee he Vas foreh anded and waa sot agi'
his SON. marryin' that gal, and the gal sh'
vent of and was never heard of agin.
few years after this Ringes wife run of viii
a barber and left Ringe and ten children
Rinee he married the BARRIERS vile tina
was left behind too. In the meantime, /,
beautiful gal made her appearance in tow
and Ringe fell in love with her and marriet
} her, and am dummed If she didn't tur,
out tn be the gal he fust wanted ter marry
nut she'd been gone over City years and q
they didn't know each other till after they
had been married" The old resident gath
cred himself up from pile of oyster ahell'
where he had been sitting, and said, With ,
glance of whitening contempt. "When ,
man tells SIGH sick. unreasonable stories q
A. L. L. A