The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-03-07
Wit and HumOr.
,oRT of eutry-Port wine.

The Graphic asks: "Why does gold
fal?' Perhaps you have hole in your
trousers pocket.
chat Banker of Mine" has the best
run of anything out. The edition rarely
stops short of Europe.
"I'D shuttle off this mortal COIL" the
man said who was lassoed to the limb
of tree, 'if l only could"
AN intelligent German thus expressed
his preference for a quack doctor: Il
wouldn't call him Ov mine cat was dead"
81 FEAR" said lady to sculptor,
-.'that | shall not make good bust"
<'Oh, madam, will make the bust" was
the reply.
SOME one will soon bring out volume
and put stop to these silly book titles.
1t will he entitled: "The Fool, or them an
who Buys Me-"
The Lioing Issue asks, in great mental
agony, "Can our girls marry drunkards2'
Why, yes, of course they Can, if the
drunkards don't object.
WHAT is the differ ence between man
struck with amazement and a leopard's
taill One is rooted to the spot and the
other is spotted to the root.
If the short man ever feels overcome
with an intense desire to be tall, 1t is
when he finds himself on the outside
of a crowd at a dog fight.
THE man who will coolly go to work
Al n,.t hnW al
the cats return safely home, should be
avoided by all respectable men.
He was bound to be accurate, and he
thus described the woman's costume
.'She wore a suit of something or other,
cut bias and trimmed endwise."
"a MAN who'd set fire to barn." said
Deacon Slow, land burn up five horses
and four cows, ought to be kicked to
death by donkey, and I'd like to do it
myself"
HUMAN Jaws sell for two dollars apiece
at the seat of war in B ilgaria, and yet
the American people pay $4,000 wear
and mileage to their Congressmen.-Wo r-
eester Press.
"MY dog is perfect type of the set
ter" man once said to to the late
Horace Greeley. ais he2 Well, l was
type setter once, myself" said the
great journalist.
AN old salt sitting on the wharf, the
other day, very sobery remarked: 81
began the world with nothing and | have
held my own ever since A terse and
suggestive biography.
"WHAT decoration is that you are wear
inpl" said an Austrian sergeant to a
new recruit The man blushed deeply
and responded, ut is medal our COW
won at the cattle show"
A WASHINGTON correspondent says
dinner parties are conspicuous by their
rarity this season.-Er. Well, dinner
parties ought to be like the roast beef,
not over -done.-PhH. Bulletin.
81 TOLD her I'd never smoke another
cigar" he said, softly, "and | won't. a
pipes plenty good enough for me- and
he gracefully drew match over the larg-
est part of his trousers.
A GENTLEMAN who had a very deaf
servant was advised 10y friend to dis
charge him. mo, no" replied the gen
tleman with much good feeling, "that
poor creature could never hear of another
situation"
THE old Quaker carpenters advice to
his son, who was about to leave home
to gin business for himself, is in point
here. my son." said he, "if thee ever
wants to drive nail in any place, my
advice is to hit the nail"
TINE 3 A. M.-lrate practitioner
GLOW dare you, sir, come ringing me
up at this time of morning for no lea
soni" Inebriated one: mo reashon
1 sure you I'm ver' i'll. Those CON
founded hccupscome back which seized
me last week |"
A YOUNG enthusiast in astronomy,
while studying the heavens from the
front platform of horse-car, eagerly
said to the driver, "rhat bright star
over there is Mars ~ AIS it2" asked the
unsvmpathetic Jehu; and then he added :
81 s'pese them dull ones is pas"
"MY son." said mother to her little
boy, "you should eat that bread and not
throw it away. 1t is very naughty to
throw it away. You may want it when
you are old" "Well, suppose should :
How could I have it then, it should
cat it nowi" replied the naughty little
boy.
A CULrRIT gave as an excuse for his mis-
doings that his fondness for fine things
led him into bad WAYS whereuDOn the