The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-09-07
OUR STORY TELLER.
INGENIOUS RUSES.

Gretry was wont to employ singular
method of slackening or quickening the
pace of walking companion to suit
his own inclination. "To say" he
would argue, "you walk too fast or too
slow is impolite; but to sing softly an
air to the time of the walk of your com
panion, and then by degrees either to
quicken the time or make it slower, is a
stratagem as innocent as it is con-
venient." The principle of Gretry's
ruse was well exemplifed in the case of
the stingy farmer who gave his hired
haymaker buttermilk and whey for
breakfast, and going to the field, heard
the man singing in drawing way:
B-u-t-t-e-r-m-i-'-k ard whey,
Faint all day, faint all day;
his scythe keeping time to the tune.
The next morning the farmer set a good
meal of bacon and eggs before the man;
and when he went TO see how he was
getting on with his work, found his
arms going swiftly to +" Bacon and eggs,
take care of your legsp
A debate in the House of Commons
on the Peace Preservation act, or some
such measure, was enlivened by the re-
Iation OF the following story: A West
meath landed proprietor was so attached
to field sports that he turned deaf ear
to his daughters entreaties, and could
not be persuaded to take house in
Dublin where gentleman abode in
whom she was something more than
interested. One fine morning the squire
was astonished by the coming of a
threatening letter, which he put in the
hn l,
and soon a third came, the last illus
trated with spirited sketch of coffin.
The recipient showed them to the
stipendiary magistrate, and before long
a number of detectives were busy in the
neighborhood but they could neither
discover the senders of the Objectionable
missives nor stop fresh ones pouring in
with every mail. At last the threat
ened man gave in, and took himself and
family to Dublin, and before long found
himself turned into a father-in-law
When the happy pair were about to
leave, after the wedding breakfast, the
bride, throwing her arms round his
neck, said: Go home, father; no one
will hurt hair of your head. | wrote
the threatening letters that scared you
away. y wanted to come to Dublin
and as you would not agree, / thought
would try the ribbon scheme; and it
succeeded"
Had the willy damsel been taken to
task for playing her sire such a scurvv
trick, she would probably have pleaded
that all is fair in love and war. Love,
however, is poor excuse for deception,
while to cheat foe, especially when
that foe is an invader, is justifiable
enough. During the Franco-German
war, a couple of hundred Uhlans arrived
in Norman village. One of the peas
ants hurried to neighboring hamlet to
warn well-to-do farmer that he might
expect visit from the unwelcome
raiders. The farmer was equal to the
emergency. Calling his wife and daugh-
tiers, all went to work with will. Torn
quilts, tattered petticoats, dilapidated
gowns, were thrown over the backs of
the cattle, enveloping them up to their
horns; their feet and their heads were
bound with straw; and then the sheep
and goats were treated in the same
fashion. Bottles of medicine were scat
tered about, large trough was filled
with water, and in its midst was placed
an ample syringe. Up came the Uhlans
but at sight of the strangely-attired
animals and the monster squirt they
hesitated. AT last one of the troopers
inquired what was the matter. "The
plague, that's ALL" said the farmer.
He had to answer no more questions
his visitors turned their horses heads
and galloped off at their best speed to
make requisition elsewhere.
For 1aSO a,I J.I
Murphy exercise his invention. Pat.
was candidate for admission into the
police force of certain town. and his
appearance before the Mayor was hailed
with a cry from the crowd of would-be
officers of He can't write his name.
yer honor" His honor announced that
he was only there to take down the
names of those who wished to apply for
the vacant situation, and told Murphy
to come again that day fortnight.
Now, Pat.," said welI-wisher, go
home, and every night do you get big
piece of paper and a good stout pen,
and keep writing your name. Pll set
the copy for you"
Pat. obeyed instructions; and when
the day came and the Mayor asked il
he could write, boldly replied: "Troth,
an isn't it myself that jist can"
Take that pen," said the Mayor,
land write-write your name"
As Pat. took up the pen, EXPLANATIONS
arose behind him. "Pat.'s a-writing
he's got quill in his fistp cried one