The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-05-09

and read the most comforting chapters
in the Bible to him, during his worst
paroXysms.
My long walk had predisposed me to
slumber, but | stood up as usual in "sing
ing time," cutting in with full force when
we came to And that shall kindle
ours" in the proper place for the tenor
voices. heard the minister "give out"
his text, and followed him into his "sec-
ndly," when my mind wandered, and
prejudiced individual would probably hav
charged ME with being asleep. l reused
myself warily, however, chewed bit of
fennel, and put on look of intense sat
isfaction with the discourse.
Suddenly, became aware of move
ment in the direction of one of my coat
tails. A freezing horror chilled my per-
son from head to foot, and | knew then
that it was the cider getting ready to ex-
plode in my left hand pocket For
moment tried to summon up an APP
pearance of unconcern, as if the detonat
ing sound came from some other locality ;
but its proximity could not be long dis
guised. Immediate exposure was in
evitable.
Should instantly fly from the pew,
before the cork had time to do its worst9
| deliberated moment, but it was too
late. One crash, and my fate was sealed.
In all my experience with corks, | never
heard one leave .he neck of bottle with
sound like that. The noise was terrific
in its violence, and, to my disorded fancy,
shook the meeting house. The minister
stopped short in his sermon and looked
around bewildcrcd. Two small, disrepu-
table boys in the gallery collapsed with
delight. Anything to put an end to the
sermon was nuts to Them" and they at
once fairly effervesced with happiness
over my misery. But their effervesceIce
was nothing to that which was going on
in our vicinity. With one mighty bound
the "pent up Utica" of cider, with no
cork to stop it, tore into the air above our
pew, and leaped headlong over my shout
ders, boiling and bursting into the back
of my neck, and spilling over into the
broad aisle. In vain | tried to restrain
the impetuous liquor with my fingers
to curb its remorseess fury with my
pocket handkerchief; but no effort of
mine could quell its fleet career. On it
came, kissing and destroying like n wild
tornado in tropic cline, terrible to con
template and awful to experience. 1t
was indeed "a sight to behold" My
hair became saturated with cider to that
extent, in the language of Professor
Holmes, it 'drooped around my pallid
cheek like seaweed on clam" My
garments ran apple-juice, and | was as
one stepped from crown to toe in cider.
was odorous with the foaming abomi.
nation, and fearful to look upon.
All eyes were now turned upon me,
evidently requiring an explanation of
such an unwonted sceEe, when the other
bottle began to give voluble signs of dis
turbance. At once l started up in fresh
alarm, and ran out of the pew, making
for the meeting house door with all the
precipitation possible to a ruined man ;
but alas was too late. Out flew the
other cork. and a second deluge wildly
ensued. Miss Libby was struck violently
twice in the bonnet, and screamed as l
flew past her into the porch. There sat
down exhausted with shame and over
exertion, only wishing for providential
humiliation on the sacred spot l had in
nocently done SO much to desecrate.
Reader, may it never be your fate to
hear what | have heard, to see what
have seen in an old fashioned, country
meeting house, where everybody knows
you, and where, down to the latest gener-
cation, nobody ever forgets ridiculous
catastrophe like mine.
For centuries to come, whenever bot
tie of cider threatens to explode in South
Littleton, some bystanders will be sure to
observe, with a sly look at the tizzling
aperture, stand by with tumbler, for
guess it's going to Perritt" And
thus my ill-starred name will forever be
associated with cderial influences, any
thing but pleasant, in the humble village
where | was born.-Jdmes T. Fields, in
Youths Companion.
A MAMMOTH JAPANESE EATING House.
In Japan, the eating houses are con-