New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1878-11-27
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

h When usefulness isse considered. the man
who smokes cigarettes dwlnd!es into in
significance by the side Of the individual
who smckes hams.
The proper man for a girl to marry is
after she has counted up her cash and
found that she can support her
self in case her husband turns politician.
An indianapolis barber who abandon
ed his business and went into the minis
try, was suddenly called upon to baptize
three candidates. He got along very we'll
but after baptizing the first he astonished
his congregation by Justify shouting,
aNext!"
IS An old Irish soldier, who prided him
self upon his bravery. said he had fought
in the battle Of Bull Run. When asked
if he had ret1eated and made good his es-
cape as others did on that famous occa-
sion, he replied: ''Be jabers, those that
didn't run are there yit!''
A gentleman, being threatened with an
infectious fever, said to his little son, who
in an affectionate mood wished to en-
brace him, "you mustn't hug me; You'll
catch the fever" Willie, standing back.
looked in arnazement upon his papa, who
by-the-way, is a pattern Of propriety, and
quickly asked, why, papa. who did
you huge" w z
Smoking in Holland,'' said traveller,
lis SO common that it is impossible to
tell one person from another in room
full of smokers;' sHow is any one who
happens to be wanted picked out, then?"
said listener. sOh, in that case, a
waiter goes round with pair of bellows
and blows the smoke from before each
face till he recognizes the person called
for. Fact, gentlemen" '.s &.'F
The elections in the United States of
of Colombia have just closed peacefully,
and the regular revolution is being or
ganized without any alarm or trouble.
The new President will be shot to-mor-
row, and tranquility will be restored. The
people Of Santander have adopted resolu-
tons expressing their esteem for and con-
fdence in the old President, whom they
shot yesterday. There is no interruption
to business.
The gas suddenly went out at San
Jose concert the other evening, and when
1t was relit a young lady Indignantly &C.
cused a happy looking man who sat on
the next bench of kissing her in the
darkness. The man tried to explain, but
some of the lady's friends seized and
proceeded to fire him outwith expedition.
As they reached the door the victim man
aged to gasp out: "Me kiss woman!
Why, I'm just divorced" That settled it.
He was apologized to, and the man Of
experience proudly resumed his seat.
At recent discussion meeting, held by
negroes, the question of the evening was:
(Which am de mudder Of de chicken
de hen wot lay de egg, er de hen wot
matches de chicks?" The question was
warmly debated, and many reasons pro
and con were urged and cembated, when
ashrewd fellow put the case thus "S'pose
dat you set one dozen ducks eggs under
q hen, and .dey hatch, which am de mud
der-de duck or de hen2" This was
poser; but the Chairman extricated them
from the difficulty. Rising from his
chair in all the pride Of conscious superb
ty, he announced: "Ducks am not before
de house; chichens am de question; dere.
fore / rule de ducks OUT And so he
did, to the complete overthrow of those
who held different opinion.