The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1878-11-09
The Stage Husband.

There are several kinds Of stage hus.
bands. but the most common stage hus.
band has been married by the star
actress IN u moment of despair. She
has just discovered that her agent has
swind.ed her out of half her profits,
aud that the manager is not working
her with the press. Two courses are
open to her. She can engage another
agent. or uarry one.
1t IS always a woman's weakness 10
believe that sentiment insures honesty.
Men, on the contrary. always know
that it itnperiis it. She raves for a
whole morning. tears several dried bo-
queis to pieces. kicks her French poo
die in the ribs, abuses her dressmaker,
and then throws herself into the arms
OF Fitz Foogle McFlsm.
Dearest. will you love me ard take
care Of my business
By heavens. exclaims Fitz Eoogle,
will protect you and your income with
every drop OF blood in my body.
Will you be true to me ever. ard
think of me when the house is counted ?
Will 1? | will think OF you from
the moment the doors are open till the
books are made up.
Ah, but darling. will you make others
think of me: Can depend upon you
to look sf;er the papers and the house
bills-men are so tickle Will you
cling to me always, aud see that l am
properly billrds
Hear me. exclsims Fitz Foogle. l
swear by all the gods that l have but
one am bition, one burning passion. and
it is to be loved by you, and t. have
charge Of your business
Enough, says Melpomere. You are
mine in the eyes of heaven till the end
of the season, provided yen sttend to
your duties. Registered silently in the
box Office or offered up in the wings.
who will dare to say that this VOW is
not recorded on high. Only the igno-
, ble soul believes that it ascends no fur
ther than the "psint bridge"
| The bridegroom thus immolated on
the altar of 1hespis sets to work i'm
media,ely to prove his affection He
raises Melpomene's price from $lC0 to
5000. Now that she has stage hus-
band she is entitled to two benefits
Now that she is IN possession of part
ner her name begins TO be epsragraphed
He at least knows something of the
world. and he works accordingly. Mel
pomenc could not 60 to the clubs. She
could not catch the volatile reporters
on the skip. She could not applaud
herself while she was acting. She
could not bully the manager nor ask
for more than fifty free admissions q
night. And she sleeps souudly. Love,
! that conquers all things, is overcoming
the ticket tsker and usher.
So Corslie, waking up some morning
and seizing the newspapers. discovers
that Melpomene has been interviewed.
"Ho, ho!" says Corslie, "she must have
been married yesterday.
OF course it never enters into Mclpo
mene's head that other husbands have
a quaint. not to say queer way of treat
ing hers They convers. with him
about his wife ss if they were walking
on eggs. They call her Mrs. Fitz Foo
gle and Miss Melpomene irrespective
ly. They never know how much be is
married or for how long; they put up
with his praise of the actress because
that is his business, and they put up
with him because he is sure to disap.
pear sooner or later.
TO be sure, there are husbands
OF actresses who are not stage
husbands. Every must be fam.
iliar with the little. crushed
respectable old man who is married
by the great tragedienne. and who
comes and buys . seat in the back part
Of the house. and holds play.bill up
to his face for fesr some of his friends
in the thread. and d.nnedle business will
mistake him for q stage husband. So.
too, most people are familiar with the
patient. amisble. and subservient hus-
band Of the prima donna, who has no
other desire in life than to be known as
her husband, who gets chucked under
the chin in his own house by the roy
stering baritone. and told to be good
boy and keep quiet, and look after the
baggage and the boquets while tho
troupe is away.