The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-01-26
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Baby shows have proved disastrous ever since
the one King Herod inaugurated.--t" r"hW'
Saturday Night.
He was from the country and he came to town
for the first time As he looked at the telegraph
wires he said "W'hy do you make your wire
fences "a highE
You can ret a very good idea OF "natural seec-
tion' in its practical workings by viewing Gel
cry glass after it has been once around the table
-Bu}iHqton Hach9c
NAV be they did "hayc giants in those days"
but they couldn't have looked any bigger than a
free-born American citizen feels when he is in Il
procession.
man who attended Il nitro lycerinc cXplo'-
ion said, afterwards, that his first impression
was that his mother-inlaw was arguing with
him.
An exchange take half column 10 tel! what
we drink" whereas, adds the Worcester P'rSS,
some folks have simply to wink ut the bar
keeper.
A youny man on the Hill came near creating
riot last Thursday by asking u-hcadcd woman
if she carried Thermometer III hcr Oohhc''-
Byookiyp -irgas.
An English writer having written exhaustiVclyi
upon water as a beverage" an Albany paper
thinks the scheme is feasible, and might at least
have trial.
Knnkakcc man. on arising from his knees at
prayer time the other night, tipped over the table
and narrowly escaped setting the house on flre
Yet there are people who will keep right on say
ing their prayers.-hdnkdkre Gazette.
Two bufaloes quietly Craze in pasture with
a herd of cattle on Mr.. Richmond's farm on the
cast side Of Na.au.say, Kendall county, the pro
perry of a travelling Snowman laid up for the win
tcr.-kGSdoH Co. Re.
Pretty rich Snowman to own all Kendall county
This is from the Spice column Of the CONNER
clat Bulletin: I'VE were shown a very beautiful
" decorated piece of pottery yesterday. 1t wasl
"A deep red on the outside, and the inside was
decorated with two quarts of beans and half al
pound Of pork"
A Hobokcn person, evidently very young la
DIV writes where does the fire go when youl
put out the candcY' We don't know. 1t must
light out somewhere. You're up to snuff, now,
amt you dearly. Y. Herdh.
An editor was knocked down the other day byl
highwayman, who demanded his valuhDlcs'
The poor man took out his scissors to pass them
over to the highwayman, but the latter thought
them a revolver and Immediately retreated.-l
WhitebdH Times.
The Philadelphia Telegrdph said that "a mo-
reptary hush foatcd around" in that city on the
reception Of the news Of Victor Emanucls death,
and the Tiaes sent out reporters to ask people If
they had seen such "A hush floating around.-N.
]. Sun
Strange that the Sun overlooked the touching
obituary verse from the pen of G, W. Child under
the inspiration Of the 'hush:"
Earth's pompand state lie lowly there,
It's greatness and its power;
our 'Manuc's climbed the golden stair:
Gone TO meet Cavour.
What can be more admirable than the stern
Saxon contempt with which the Gallic pronun-
citation of Cayour's name is ignored by the poct!l
Canvas suspenders now seem to be worn by
most all ladies. There's mo give" to them, and
that's the reason YOU occasionally hear button
ny oil when n lady grabs for her skirt.-Frt1
Press. Now they will be called canvas.back
ducks, worscn Phktdeipha BuiLetin.
Ex-senator Cameron was called upon by the
oldest iuhabtant Of Harrisburg, Pa, the other
night to testify that a quarter of century ago,
at a Christmas dinner in that city, he ate peaches
that had been plucked that morning from a tree
in back yard.-Er
That "oldest nhabitanr' was probably the
yeracious editor of Simons local organ-thc TIE.
g,opb
The medical practice Of this state has driven
six hundred 'qllacks" to seek other fields Of Ia.
Dor. The numerous gentlemen who used to
make periodical rounds Of the principal cities,
advertising literally and pretending to cure all
The ills that flesh /, heir 10, are seen no more
IT,
What a Settlement similar law against poll.
teal Guacks would make!
The manufacture Of paper from wood has
reached the altitude of perfection in Canada.
The superintendent of u mill up there says a tree
i cut down and showed into one end OF the mill
and five minutes later there Is n neighhOr at the
other end to borrow the paper. D,usbHy NetnS.
An Aurora mkman left milk can turned bot
tom upward on II table near his house, in such a
way that it reflected the rays of the sun on win.
dow, causing sufficient heat TO set fire to blind,
and but for the timely discovery Of the flame the
house would have been consumed.
The editor of the Joliet Phonir having written
a long and touching obituary on the hog, dcprc-
Gates any objection on the part Of his readers to
the obtrusion upon them Of his family affair,
and kindly assures them that they all emit
tied To seats among the mourners.
This is about the time Of the year for the man
WHO docs not subscribe for a paper to go sneak.
ing home with pocket full Of almanacs and
spend his Sundays porusng the scorbutic cripple
who was cured by a single application of some
hody's goose grease. The almanac man Is a
great dissemination Of intelligence.
The story that at the Hayes silver wedding
stout brandy punch WAS frauducntly served in
oranges, inspires the poet of the v Y. So1rto
tune his Tyre thusly:
When the visitor takes his chair,
lie must call for a drink Of cool eau clair
Eau de cologne for the mistress fair
Eau sucrce," says Webb, the heir,
Pau dc vie, in an orange" says he
Whom the ignorant know a. his ENcccu.y
Punch at Ruthcrfor,rs grand dinnaiTc,
An orange apiece for moderate tear,
Two oranges full for an old topairc,
Three 0ranges-send for the head builairc
To carry YOU home from the grand dinnairc
Wendell Phillips said in a recent lecture thai
twenty years ago, while he was exhibiting 10 4
BOstOn audience q negro who claimed 10 be- a IN