River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1878-12-19


ceeded in marrying school mistresses.
Gentlemen who wont and don't 20
home till morning, till daylight doth APP
pear, are strangely subjected to attacks of
malarial fever at This season of the year.
The paragraphists have discovered the
best method of heating street-car.
" Carry a woman half block further
than she wants to 60. il viii be hot
enough"
Mrs. Janyillo has '.put up" twelve cans
Of peaches. nine jars of plums, and
bushel Of pears, while her husband has
only put up" two stoves and his gold
watch.
"A brave heart is waiting is the title
of a new song. We twig; waiting for tae
old woman to come and open the hall
door. He'll catch it though, brave or
no brave.
A justice at Lafayette, Ind, has held
for assault and battery mother who
spanked her young ore in "a rude, inso-
lent, and angry manner" Smell be more
polite about it hereafter.
a young man in Burke county, Ga.
broke off an engagement because the girl
named iler pet calf after him. Had be
corsumated it he might have had one of
his own calves named after him.
Any sharp wife can now take down
one Of her husbands half-dozen dressing
gowns, rip off the collar, deepen the
pockets, change the facing, and have his
Christmas present all done and OF her
mind hntNre cu0pv fifaS
4 Virginia woman offers to sell her
husband by auction, and apply the pro-
ceeds TO the liquidation of the State debt
~ can recommend him TO purchasers
she adds, "as a man possessing all the
qualities woman capable of controlling
him could desire,
a recent Iowa bride got no less than
nine knives. And yet if she should take
G notion to get rid of her husband a few
years hence, the probabilities arc that in
stead OF cutting his throat with one OF
these knives, sh1 would elops with
Chicago drummer"
Don't you love her stilli1 asked the
Judge TO man who wanted a divorce
Certainly do, > said he; 81 love her bet
ter still than any other way, but the
trouble is she wall never be still, The
judge, who is q married man himself,
takes the case under advisement.
man may sheer az a woman all he
will because she can't sharpen lead
pencil, bur she has tie smile on him
when he stands holding an unoccupied
suspender bottom in his hand and wonder
ing whether il will hurt less TO pull the
needle out of his thumb the same way it
went in or push il on through.
An eight-houI man. on going home for
his supper, found his wife sitting in Lei
best clothes on the door step reading d
claimed where is my SUPPER i don't
know, replied the wife, II began TO ger
your breakfast ST o'clock this morning,
and nv eight-hours ended st p. NJ
Mistress "But l thought you were very
comfortable, Maig.' Mary; Yes, mem,
bat the young man SIS keeps company
with me thinks there's too many gentle
men visitors comes here, anu they might
wean me from his young affections; so,
with your permission, will not be
medium Tor contention.
They were looking st the fall style Of
Isonnets. Said she. t.Oh! dear. lock ST
that bird in the crown; what g pretty
bill.n And because he turned away,
wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and
Il should say If wss a pretty
bill, she became melancholy al q threat
ened to leave him and go hons 70 Ler
mother.
The good man slammeth the gate and
baDgeth the door and maketh noise, Tor
his heart is without guile and he feareth
not the grevioDs words OF his wife; but
the naughty man shutteth the gate softly
and stealeth mp stairs in his stocking feet, /
and stumbleth over the rockingham, /
and the last condition Of that man IS /
worse than the first.
A Medford individual was saunfering
home the other night, near TIE three
church clocks Of that classic village Sud
lenlv the voice Of time sounded ID has I
-ympanum and went on with regular
strokes until the three clocks had fellow
ed each other in succession. BracIDg
himself up deiantlv. BE calculated:
Thirty O'Clock Keep on, I've been I
1ut later than that.
A distinguished H. d., thinking to say
complimentary to 3 fascinating
widow. one of bis patients, placed his
1ulpv hand on her well rounded shonl- 1
ter. aud. with poetic sigh, exclaimed:
TINS i The incest and so1test place Ia
he won I'd for weary head to rest On,
she turned quickly on him, and replied
Doctor, give me your hand and ] viii
1ut il on still softer plaza, whereon
he quietly puI his hand on his Own bald
1ate.
A British tourist has m85e uproar in
Rheims. One right about S O'Clock the
own was alarmed By the sound Of The
ocsin, or bag bell Of the cathedral. The
inhabitants rushed oat Of their houses
.xpecnng 10 ind q revolution or s Ere,
,ut thev were aereeabfy disappointed
The dreadful knell was merely the work
4 an English traveller, who having been
oaked up in the cathedral. thought the
est way 70 get out would be 20 Get the
,ig bell going.
VT. Hepwotfh dixon. il making an ex-
grsion to Cyprus, found en- the beeFh
Iai. Ill Ccsnoia, brother Of the late Amer
can Consul st Larnoca, and received
.earfv welcome. He considers il extreme
: oda that the consulate should have
zen suppressed inst as the biggest thing
ince Sesastris Was about 10 happen in
he island: 50 that President Hayes hss
o rev on. newsmen Tor his knowledge ef
n event that has made the LevauFine sra
a English lake.
Dr. R0ulk, years aro president Of Mag
allen College, oxford. ard a de lghtfui
nd eccentric man, was very lord Of his
ogs. aud had them constantly around
IN. Ncshing wcalS aaance hin e
anish them. The vice president once
lfsrmed him, in THO name oTfhe fellows.
l1f they had resolved to enforce the col
ne order, 5F which it was forbidden ~
eep dags ii college. Then, SIR he
sjoined. II spppose | must cal mine
ATS