The Portland daily press., 1878-07-29
Cap and Bells.

Cap and Bells.
Once Venus, deemiug love too fat,
Stopped all his rich, ambrosial Dishes
booming the boy to live on chat,
To sup on songs, and dine on wishes.
Love, lean and lauk flew off to prowl-
The staryellng now to beauty boasted
| He could have munched b1inerva's owl,
Or Junos peacock, boiled or toasted.
At last, half -famished, almost dead,
He shot his mothers doves for dinner;
Young Lulu, passing shook her head;
Cried Love, "a shot at you, you sinner!"
| 80 not at me!"-she urged her flight
'Hpm neither dove, nor lark nor starlngl'
"No!" faintng Cupid cried, ''Not quite,
| "But then, you're such "a duck, my darlngp'
Don't call your latest love by your "other
| girls name. It"gves you dead away"
| Edgar Fawcett wishes that "man could make
love like bird" He does, Edgar he does;
| like goose.
| Boston young men are very careful how they
get their scalps planed while paying their
addresses to maid of Athens Boston girls
keep private charts of the human intellect
| A woman may not be able to sharpen pen
Gil or throw stones at hen, but she can pack
more articles into trunk than man can in a
| one-horse wagon.
A hundred years hence the newspapers of
| Central Africa will begin to record the fiudiug
Of turtles inscribed "B. NJ. s., 1S76"-Oa City
| Derrick.
L
"Aitct-1-a-1-a! Aich-e-e-c-sp We must
be getting the hay fever. Physicians say it
| only attacks educated men-men of genius,
| and such.-Norr. Herald.
"Wha. we want is work, and pay for doing
| it," said the tramp. "What kind of work?'
| asked by-stander. "Unloading schooners'
| replied the incipisnt Commuuist-"beer schoon-
ers
| Revelation by the Danbury News--"If there
| is one person who is mora false and hollow
| than she who says "You must come aud see
me again. it is she who replies, Thank you,
1 will be pleased to-"
MY de1. old fellow, how are you? Haven't
| seen You since we were at college together.
1
l ann thrty-ive; L have arrived at that fatal
/ age when a novelist would speak Of me as "a
man still young"
Charles Lamb once wrote a poem OF
"Ihoughtless Cruelty" beginning, "rhere,
Robert, you have killed that fly" 1t is very
pretty poem, but in the present season would
be poor selection to read to bald man trying
to write in room with an open window.
Rubini Brown (who has Just sung his famous
barcarole, his only song)-'How dye do, Mrs.
Chatterleigh? L suppose you have Just Gomez"
Mrs. Chatterleigh-"oh dear, mol I've been
sitting here for the last hour, listening to the
lovely music. do hope you are going to sing
US that exquisite barcarole of yours"-Pu,ach.
Poet (hngering volume of his poems on the
table)-"Oh, see you have got my poor rhymes,
Mrs O'Flaherty@ Mrs. OF. conscious that the
leaves have never bsen cui)-"A-yes s-sr-it's
new copy. The other was so dog's-sared and
tattered tnat we were quite ashamed of it, and
mad to put it in the fire.-Punch.
No man cal go down into the dungeon of his
experience, and hold the torch of truth to all
the dark chambers and hidden cavities, and not
come up with shudder and chill as he thinks
of the time when he undertook to talk politics
with the deaf old father of his first sweetheart
while the girl was present. Clacinnati Break
fast Table
Ed. Cowles couldn't write letter to the
Cleveland Leader because there was no stable''
in his stateroom. Dear fellowl He'd make a
pretty war correspondent, when it is sometimes
necessary to write letter in the saddle on
dead jump. They say that Mace ahan used
occasionally to write hasty narrative on the
top of his own bald head.-Graphic.
The servant girl in sweeping my lady's cham
Der comes across five-franc piece and gives it
to her mistress. who says: 'Thank you, Gather.
inc; keep it for your honesty" A day or two
later, my lady, missing ter-franc piece, asks
| Catherine if she has seen it. ''Yes'm; found
it this morning while sweeping aud kept it for
my honesty
A lover who had ''gone West to ''maks
home" for his "Birdie,' wrote to her. "I've
got the finest quarter section of land (l6O acres)
ever put my foot down on" Birdie wrote
back: Suppose you buy another quarter sec
tiou, John, so we can have lawn around your
footW John "made home" but Birdie never
was the mistress of it.
boston Transcript
Does Contraction Contract?
1t is favorite argument with those who are
affected with the greenback craze, that con-
traction has been the cause of all our woes.
They will tell you that they are opposed to
| initiation in the abstract, and would never con-
sent to it as an Original notion" but, infia-
| tion having been effected, they claim that no
end OF harm was done when the Government
contracted the currency at such fearful
rate. AS Hosea Bigelow said
''Ez for war, go agin it.
| L mem to say kind o. do,
| Thet is. Imean, tibet, beiu' in it,
| The best way was to fight it thro'.
Not but wot abstract war is horrid
| Sign to that with all my heart;
| But civ yizaton docs git forrid
Sometimes, on powder cart"