Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1878-12-12
Aumuruns department.
IN THE WRONG BUGGY.

other, and by the uncertain light thrown from
the hotel, was led aside from the actual fact
in the matter of getting into the right buggy !;
in word, Mr. j. got in and drove off with
Mrs. F., who were totally unknown to each
other, so far as acquaintanceship is concerned,
as if one had died ten years ago in Africa,
and the other had not been born. AS mar
ried men often do, Mr.. j. drove some distance
before speaking. Finally he remarked:
"Tve got corn on my toe-the one you
persist in putting your foot on, too-that
hurts about as bad as the common run of
things usually do
The lady was very much surprised, and
rather hau ghtily replied, You've been try
ing to pick quarrel with me all day, and
now to make the matter more exasperating
you change your voice to an unnatural
growl."
Its you madam, who have changed. My
voice is natural. am not trying to assume
any thing. You screech like an old gate"
"You are an old fool"
"Give me my teeth here, you shant wear
them another minute"
Teeth Teeth What in the world do you
mean?"
But just then, driving through a flood of
light, the parties recognized that they didn't
recognize. MADAM" said Mr.. j., stopping
the horse and Strengthening himself up, IL
hope you will excuse me, but I'D like to know
how you came into my buggy and further.
more, I'd like little intelligence as regards
the whereabouts of my wife. What have
you done with her, madam ?"
81 don't know what you mean sir. Get out
of my buggy!'
"Your buggy! What, madam, you are be-
side yourself"
Eyes, and beside yourself, which fact I de-
plore to such an extent that will be forced to
call the police. Police! Police" was shout
ed Justify, and when Officer Daily came to the
spot, the woman insisted upon the mans ar
rest. The buggy was driven back to the Cap
itol Just in time to meet another buggy, the
occupants of which had similar experienc.
The CHAMPIoN-"The LATEST duffer l
ever seed," remarked Jim Blodjers, "were
man that the boys used to call Old Laydown.
They couldn't find out his fust name, cause
he was too lazy to recollect it, He b'longed
to the same sekr't society as me, and we paid
him Sl0a week sick benefits for three weeks.
Said he hurt his leg. Found afterward
by the doctor and dozen eye witnesses, that
he injured his shins by walkin' up agin a
cobweb. Fact. Lazy? You bet he was ca
sy goin'. One afternoon he tainted in the
street and were brought home to bed. We
weren't to be catched this time on benefits.
Said he had tainted from loss of blood. Doc
tor examined him and found musquito bite
under his left ear. Fact. You bet he took
things comfortably. He used to lure small
boy in warm weather to hold his straw for
him while be sucked his sherry cobbler. Axed
me one day if there weren't some cheap way
of workin tooth brush by machinery. Said
be wished he could eat without workin' his
iaws-'feared they'd wear out too soon.
Fact. Well, I don't mind if I do. Virginia
City Chronicle.
Bay A Detroit girl picked up a new beau
the other evening at church, and when they
reached her fathers gate he accepted an in
vitation to 90 in. He was perfumed to kill,
and it wasn't long before the musk reached
the back room in which the old man was
heard stumbling around muttering and growl-
ing, and presently opened the door and pass
ed out and walked around the house. He
came back after snuHing around for few
minutes, and pounding on the parlor door he
inquired:
"Evangeline, where's the piece of candle?"
81 don't know, father; why?" she inquired
in return.
"There's skunk or something under the
addition, and I've got to hunt him out, or we
can't live here over night"
The young man didn't stay long after that.
By A minister was telling his Sunday school
all about Sampson and his exploits. "With
what remarkable weapon did Sampson slay
his enemies?" he asked. No one knew. In
order to coax the school little he tapped his
Jaw and said, "Children, what is this?" 1t was
enough. Torpid memories were quickened,
and the victory was won. A dear little boy,
who, if he keeps the promise of his childhood,
will some day be candidate for office, cried
out, II know-I know sir" Elated at the
success of his plan, the minister turned to him
and said. "Well, my little man, stand up and
tell the whole school what it is." He rose
with great dignity and replied "It's the jaw
bone of an ass, sir!'
Bay "Kleptomania ?" asked the judge, in
the most innocent manner. "What is klep-
tomania?" "a disease, my lord" said her
counsel, "the subject of which is uncontrolla-
bly, addicted to larceny" "Oh! see" said
the judge; and disease, sir, which the
Judges are sent on circuit, as physicians, to
cure. My prescription on the present occa-
sion is twelve months imprisonment, with
hard labor"
Dsga A Georgia farmer smeared his hogs
with tar to rid them of Aeas, and turned them
loose in the woods. At night they did not
return to the pen as usual, and in the morn
he found them stuck together, the tar making
them adhere in a mass They might have
gone home, nevertheless, by concert Of &C.
ton, but it isn't in hog to harmonic.
A MOTHER.IN-LAw's NEUTRALITY.-Mr.
Brown, who has married the eldest Of seven
girls, tried to quarrel with his mother-in-law
the other evening. Brown" said she, II
am not going to ruin my reputation by quar-
reling with you. Wait till my other girls are
married. At present, as mother-in.law, am
only an amateur"
sey- "Why is it" asked young upstart of
gentle maiden of thirty five, "why is it that
elderly maidens have penchant for cats ?"
"Oh! that is easily answered, % responded the
maiden; mot having man to caress, they
naturally bestow their affections on the next
grade of animals in the scale of deceitful-
ness" Smarty collapsed
sa% A man who had been much interested
in the cremation system, said to his wife: