The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1878-06-08
WITTICISMS.

NET CAsH-The fisherman's proceeds.
AN honest man-but let us not dig UP
the past.
RHUBARB has come, and sugar is lower
in the barrel.
NEVER put off till tomorrow what can
be done just as we'll the day after.
THERE are indications that the dande-
lion and the lamb are about to lie down
together.
SHE" What age do you think am ?'
He, gallantly-'I don't know, but you
don't look it,
WHEN widow puts an unwelcome
intruder out of the house it suggests the
widows might.
EUTHANAsIA means an easy death
but youth in Africa means sure death
for the missionary.
THE Servians have occupied Sofa.
What will the girls and their young men
do Sunday nights?
THE reason the war was so hard upon
the Turks was that every fatal casualty
made an average of four widows.
THERE is but one glass eye manufac-
tory in the United States, and yet it is
probably at the bottom OF the effort to
revive archery.
A MAN in New York seeks only linn
tied divorce from his wife after pouring
boiling water down his back, seething
him with hot iron, and shooting at him
with pistols and wounding him several
times with a carving knife. His love of
self is truly subordinate.
PROFESSOR eloquently holding forth
to the junior rhetoric class. One of it's
members on the back seat, likewise hold
ing forth to her neighbor.) Professor
beg pardon, Miss A, believe inter
rupted you" Miss A" Oh, no, not at
all; had finished"
A GENTLEMAN in the neighborhood of
Cork on walking one Sunday evening,
met a young peasant girl, whose parent
lived near his house. "What are you
doing, Jenny?" said he. "Looking for
a son-in-law for my mother, sir" was
the smart reply.
GAIL HAMILTON wears very tight cor
sets, and sometimes, as she looks out of
the window dreamily at the full moon,
she turns smilingly around to see if a
man really is there squeezing her, but
her brow resumes its rigidity as she per-
ceives it is nothing but the phantom of
her hopes, Outrageous Exchange.
A CALIFORNIA genius surpasses Edi-
son. He has invented machine to
freeze up the atmosphere to solid rails
in advance of railroad train, and thus
proposes to travel to the moon. As soon
as a corporation of capitalists can be
formed, the happy invention will be put
into execution.-B Breakfast Table.
WHILE the wine was being passed
around during the administration of the
sacrament at Butler Mission church, on
Fletcher avenue, the congregation was
electrified by the sudden exclamation of
a little boy, "Ma, I'll take beerw A
ripple of suppressed laughter disturbed
the solemnity of the occasion.-Indiaa-
apotis Sentinel.
A YOUNG lady was inquiring of her
old nurse, the widow of pensioner,
how she got on. Badly enough, darlint,
only the government intends doing some
thing for us" "And what's govern
ment, Nora?' "Is it jokin' ye are,
Miss? Sure every child knows what's
government, It's half dozen gentle
men and SIGH as they, may be, that meets
and thinks what's best for themselves,
and then they say that's best for us
and that's government"
The infant class OF Sunday-school
on Church street was being drilled by
the good teacher on the early life of the
Savior. "Johnny, can you tell me where
Christ was born?'' said she. Easton,
ma'am," replied the youth. "Why, no,
Johnny" said the amazed young lady,
Christ was born in Bethlehem"
"Well," said Johnny, ~ knew it was
some place on the Lehigh Valley Road"
I-Almra AdUertiser.
If cat doth meet cat upon a gar
den wall, and if cat doth greet cat,
0 need they both to squall? Every
Tommy has his Tabby waiting on the
wall, and yet he welcomes her approach
always with a yawl. And if a kitten
wishes to court upon garden wall, why
don't he sit and sweetly smile, and not
stand up and bawl; lift his precious
back up high, and show his teeth and
moan, as if 'twhere collie more than love
that made that fellow groan.
WHEN man goes to an evening party
and another man sits down on his plug
hat, and sits there till the hat resembles
an attenuated pancake, and when a
mutual friend takes that hat and Jams
it into shape and brushes it the wrong
way with his elbow, and hands it to the
party of the first part, and when the
party OF the first part places it upon his
head and goes home without knowing
that anything has happened, the indica-
tions are that beer was one of the prin-
cipal features of the entertainment