The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-09-19
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
AS YE sew sew shall We rip.-Laconis
Democrat.
The oyster-lover's salutation to Sep
TENDER: You r welcome.
SONG by the Pullman Company: An
| CELL ever bright and fair, how we won
der where you are!
NEW ORLEANS has a fastidious sort
of yellow fever that feeds ON foreigners,
| children and strangers.
SOME prejudiced observer says that
young women utter those little screams
not from fear, but to attract attention.
A PEACH always gravitates into
Dealers basket with the specklcd side
down. Now, why is it?-Chicago Jour-
nal.
IT is lucky to pick up horseshoe,
unless, of course, it happens to be at
tached to mules hind leg.-Bufalo
Express.
The individual who called tight boots
comfortable, defended his position by
saying they made man forget all his
other miseries.
A CELEBRATED philosopher used to
say, "The favOrs of fortune are like
steep rOcks-only eagles and creeping
things mount to the summiG.'
A FARMER, speaking of the thinness
OF his hay crop, said: 1.-The grasshop-
Pers have all got lame trying to jump
from one blade of grass to another"
SCIENCE says that it took millions of
years to evolve man from the oyster;
observation shows that it takes less
than a minute to transfer IT, oyster to
the man.
WHEN an artist climbs over fence
to get nearer view of 4 handsome
bulldog, he must take the chances of
his sketching the dog or the dog S ketch-
ing him.-Puck.
LITTLE MARY, a neighbours child, ran
against the open door, the other day,
and was slightly hurt. To her mothers
anxious inquiry concerning her injuries
she answered, "lt's nothing. mamma,
Mary had little lamb that's all.''
AGRICULTURAL papers are always
harping on the intelligence of bees, but
the drove of mosquitoes which waits at
the key-hole until the family are in bed
are passed over as slightingly as you
please. This is rank tavoritism.--De-
tron Free Press.
PERHAPS the widest liar that this
country has ever produced is the type
setter who said: 81 remember one
night in particular when l set 3, 900 ems
an hour out of a bag by moonlight, and
had to take every letter to the window
to see what it was
SOME scientific men claim that the
earth is drawing nearer the sun every
year. We don't know about that, but
we do know that throughout the season
the bottom of the straw berry and black
berry boxes come closer and closer to
the top every day. Havk.Eye.
WE met a farmer. a day or two ago,
who was SO hard pushed that he was on
his way to pawn his hoe. We told him
We were sorry to see his case so hope
less. Hopelessr' he exclaimed; far
from it! You know the old motto, hoe
pawn, hope ever. ~ Yonkers Gazette.
"THERE are doubtless vocations in
which he could be trusted,' was the
reply. There's real estate, for ex-
ample: if that were put in his care I
think the owner would find his property
where he left it. shouldn't care to
speak as to any other kind of prop
erty.'
UP to the present writing only three
New York papers have the "largest
circulation Perhaps when the weather
gets somewhat cooler several others
will be encouraged to come out with a
similar claim. 1t simply requires
little enterprise-and little lying
Norristovn Herald.
EDISON has worn his head nearly
bald. trying to invent Il machine that
would calculate with some kind of ac-
curacy the difference between the
weight of fish when it is first taken
out of the water and when it gets into
Burlington Hnwk-Eye.
A LITTLE boy ran away from home,
and while enjoying himself in forbidden
fields, thunderstorm came up, and it
began to hail. His guilty conscience
needed no accuser. Running home, he
burst into the presence of his aston
ished mother, exclaiming breath!essly:
INA, ma, Gods frowing stones at
metz
THE abandonment of the rule of law
in New York State by which the wife,
in her husbands presence, is supposed
to act under his coercion, is recon-
mended by the Law Commissioners of
that State. The Legislature is urged
to put husbands and wives on the same
footing before the courts in their trial
for any joint oifense.
In Tritons," a new novel, an old
apple-woman thus explains how she
thinks that folks "git on" ''By keep
in the specked side DOWN. said True,
in solemn and rather awful voice.
"That's how they got it; an that's
how anybody gets anything; that's
how folks git married. Oh, don't
they keep the specked side down
till after the minister's said Let no
man put asunder.' Iguess so! An
how do the lawyers win their cases?
Of the Judge and jury! An all these
great men you read of in the papers,
that rule the country and sit in high
places-how do they ever git up SO
high in the favor of the people,? By
keepin' their specked side down! Now,
everything human and everything nat.
eral, has specked side; it's in the ne
cessity of the case; an the man that
keeps that down an puts it out of sight,
he's the man that understands bust
ness; he's the man that gifts on, an the
sooner he does understand it, the soon.
er he does git on"
A Giant Buried In the Bank Of En-
gland.
THERE are only four streets, 1 am
told, in all London whence verdure is
not to be seen; that is to say, all the