West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-09-07
WAITS AND wHIMS.

WAITS AND WHlMS.
THE late worm escapes the early bird.
PHOSPHORUS was discovered in 1871.
A POPULAR steak-holder-the grid.
| iron.
GOLD FISH were introduced into Eng
land in 1891.
A PAssEE beauty has TO "make up"
for lost time.
RAINBOW glass vases and Hower-stands
are novelties.
TRUTH is not drowned in water nor
burned in fire.
SOMEBODY ought ts get up an excur-
sion somewhere.
The man who Va honest from policy
needs watching,
THE sea hol'ts the oil aud wick forour
final conf agitation.
JOLIET covers are tastefully made out
OF light eoipred cretons.
1T tales about $lO9,O 600 20 start first
class le ad pencil factory.
NEi ~ clear of the man who does not
Valuc his own character.
he who smiles at another's mistake
lot <ets hia own ignorance
S'PN RlIlH Htl n cent lot tmDTOlu-
V6ng clock on a stocking.
YOUNG lawyer of Pittsburg has in
vented water velocipede.
A NATIONAL debt of $3.50, ,O0O. 900
throws its shadow over Spain.
WHY should watch never be dry1
Because II has running spring inside.
Why is an idea like a pig? Because
| you must catch il before you can pen it,
WHY is q stick of candy like horse?
Because the more you lick il the faster
1t goes.
WHY is a lady's foot like locomo-
| tive? Because it usually goes ahead of
n train.
PLEASURE seekers have commenced
packing their trunks for homeward
light
IT is seldom now that you get few
dollars in silver without foreign coin
| amongit
WHEN a pickpocket pulls at your
watch, tell him plainly that you have
no time 10 spare.
COME now, you can't try that on
here" as the shopkeeper said to the pur.
chaser of n hustle.
WHY is great traveller in this coun-
try like dissipated young man? Because
he ~ often on train.
WHY did Joseph's brethren put him
in the pitt Because they thought ita
good opening for the young man.
ALMOND color is the latest 1t is
seen in kid gloves, ribbons, straws for
bonnets, and in silk for fall wear.
WHY does the good wife of the re-
formed drnnkard rejoice? Because her
husband doesn't liquor any more.
DEAR Is labor OF the hand, which
Occupies life's little span;
hut an honest picnic sandwich
IL the noblcsi work of man.
-hdckeHSaek Republican
The man who continually does wrong
under the impression that no one will
find IL out, IL simply rubbing his nose
against his own grindstone.
REsENTMBNT can never be buried too
deeply and care should be taken to al
ways throw in heaping measure of
quicklime. E. Enrique.
In families where there Isl great deal
Of subdued discOrd IL isn't the skeleton
that costs so much trouble as il is the
closet TO keep IL I'M y Heroid.
SEE here, misther," said an Irish lad
Of seven summers, who was driven up
tree by dog. " IL you don't take that
dog away I'll eatup all your apples"
Hev yer got emmy more o. that
sweenten'd salve, misterW was the deli
cate way in which an agriculturist asked
for fourth plate of chocolate cream.
SOME men are eternally Joking, and
their wit oftentimes oyerhows, but none
ever shows 30 much humor az the boil
on the bridge of your nose.-C Chrystal.
NOTHING betrays the innocence of
mems natures more than 10 see one feel
ing all over his coat tails To find
pocket which is in his coat at home
Free Press.
THERE was a man in Memphis the
other day who had just drawn 100000
in lottery. The Memphians promptly
asked him tO cOneribute 5000 TO the vel
low fever relief fund
a TOOTH brush that sheds bristles will
do more TO exasperate a man than any
thing else we know OF, unless 10 be drink
ing soup at a table with one leg shorter
than the Others.--PVck
THERE Is more unadulterated ioy over
the capture Of the one solitary mos
quito on the inside Of the netting than
IN ciTcumventing the million and
ninety-nine on the outside.
THERE isn't ~ much fuss made over
the Inauguration of n boys first pants
pocket ~ there Is over the laying of a
cornerstone, but there are more things
10 put In Fulton Tines.
You give q boy an errand TO do andhe
has no more energy than a mud turtle
Let him be taken in as full partner in car
rytng water for circus and he has more
energy than a Canada thistle.
DID you ever notice that the raggeder
and frayeder the neckband OF your shirt
grew, the more starch the washerwOman
would put into it, and the harder and
glossier she irOned it? (And the higher
you carried your head the more YOU
fdgeted p
EVERY now and then some chan
writes 20 newspaper for q receipt TO
prevent hair from coming out. If men
would 60 home from the lodge before
midnight, with their legs sober, their