Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1878-01-30
FUNNYoRAPHs.

MARRIAGE is promotion" says
George Elliot. She might have gone
further said it is commotion.
If we could run telephone high
enough we might hear the angels sing
~ Y Herald.
MUMPs are becoming prevalent, any
man with little carelessness about him
can now wear a football upon his neck.
ROME Sentinel: A neglected wife may
keep her sorrows to herself, but a neg
lected liver will not.
The weather this winter has proved
terrible strain on the memory of the
oldest inhabitant.-RoDse Sentinel.
WHEN Lord Derby was thrown from
his carriage every Englishman in sight
said go, Lordw
PEOPLE who make their living by fall
ing on slippery walks, breaking their
legs and suing the corporation, are not
getting fair show this year.
The impecunious editor never mis-
takes the manly tread of the bill-collect-
or for the stealthy footballs of the
original poet Worcester Press.
EVERY poet is supposed to have u
sweetheart; but as general rule, he isn't
az often beside her as he is beside him
self.
THIS is the season when the old maid
with small conscience and big appetite
selects her thinnest string of dried apples
to present her favorite dominic in return
for a 81 supper.--Rhinebeck Gazette.
The bucohc publisher doesn't like the
way the parsons are doing away with fu-
ture punishment. He says hell is
wanted for the country subscriber who
sent him in that wormy ham.
We learn from the daily press that
Harriet Beecher Stowe is in Florida.
The report leaves us in harrassing doubt
as to where the rest Of the lady's body is
locatsd.-Stdmford advocate.
A MAN is trying to invent gravy
bowl that will not break when woman
throws it at her husbands head. There
has been too much crockery broken in
this Christian nineteenth century.
A New JERSEY husband yesterday
put on last winters coat and proudly
said to his wife, "Sweety, what do you
think? the buttons wont come together"
Yes," said sweety, you have begun to
bloat."
The difference between the black and
the white race is easily explained.
When white man is choking, he turns
black; but when a colored man is in the
same fix, he doesn't turn anything but
his eye-balls.
BEFORE they were married he used to
call her his star" cherub," light of
the morning." ETC., and she now explains
the latter epithet by his continually in
forming her that it is her place to make
the fire.
A MAN in Rockland, Me-, lately dug
out of one hole fifty-fve snakes and six
full-grown skrnks.-Boston Port. That
looks like trick to catch subscribers
anxious to find out what became of the
man.-Cincianat Commercial.
AMAN who thought he would present
his wife with material for new dress
was somewhat surprised to see the
dealer slip the cloth in an envelope and
say he would have the buttons sent right
up in dray.- Worcesfer Press.
"AUaUsTUs, my love, what are you
thinking about 90 intentlyT "Why,
Aurelia, you know when we are married
We shall be made one, and was trying
to think out which one of us that one
would be"
The old, old story: A man went into
store on West Hill lately, and picked
up a gun. OF course he did not know it
was loaded. 1t went off. So did the
man. And the man who owns, or,
rather, who owned the gun, would give
twenty dollars to know where they went.
"Now then," said q physician, cheer
fully, to patient, "you have got along
| far enough to indulge in q little animal
! food, and" No you don't DOCTOR"
interrupted the patient; I've suffered
enough on your Cruel and slops, and
I'd starve sooner than begin on hay and
oats"
PEOPLE make great mistake about
heaven. They suppose it begins up yon-
der, but it really begins down here. If
You can be happy in basement story,
you are fitted to injoy the happiness Of
the upper stories. But if you whine
and moan here, heaven itself cannot
change your mood.
They don't have any c0ppers in cir
culation down in st. Louis, and the Jsss.
nal of that city thinks that they should
be introduced. So say we. Down with
a custom which prevents newspaper men
from contributing for the support of the
church. Worcester Press.
A CLERGYMAN says: I" once mar.
ried handsome young couple, and y !
took the bride by the hand ct the end
of the ceremony, and gave hermy warm
eat congratulations, she tossed her pretty
face. and pointing to the bridegroom,
replied, think he's the one to b con-
graduated
h Asmy wife and at the window one day
Stood Watching man with monkey,
A cart came by with Z broth Of boy"
Who was driving : stout littls donkey.
To my wife then spoke, BY way ct jake,
9 There's relation q yours is sAas c.,riaes;"
To which she replied, a. the donkey sho 1p4ed,
49, 80 " -Hsddsa PsssespA
ITs all well enough to talk about th1
"old oaken bucket that hung In IL
WE'LL" but when man has taken good
; pull out Of one and gets his mouth full
Of slime and couple of bull-tOads IN ~
quaff, he rather s0uTs on water taken ~
that way, and prefers to take hi9n froE
! tin dipper or . br0ken-mOuted pitcher
| even If he does cut his mouth au tn
. way around 70 the parting IN the back q
his hair.
day. Sing : song Of sixrenoo Mal
sung in the sixteenth century. ~
Frog and The M0uss VS. licsnsed n
: 1850, and Three Blind Mics belonGl
!. to the same period. Pussy CA pas1J
cat, wheIS have yoa beenI !a. Z .nr m