The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1878-10-15
THE WRONG UMBRELLA.

Il OF mankind takes so little account
OF the rights of property as regards
books and umbrellas. Many people who
are in most respects excellent members
of society will borrow books without
stint, and If they do not return minus
the covers, will keep them without COM
junction, and when you hint that they
have had them rather long, will NUT
ter:
"Confound the fellow does he think l
want to steal his booksY :"
L have had differences with my best
friends on that score, and have often
been asked whether had not better fine
everybody who retained my valuable
volumes beyond fixed time, as If j
were village library. Such insults
have been borne with meehness, because
have reveled in the thought of having
made way with Johnson's UMBRELLA
The laxity of the public morals in the
matter of umbrellas is truly awful, but
-retribution will sometimes overtake him
who plots against his neighbours para
chute Let me tell how 1t overlook
me.
A long time ago l was madly enamor-
ed of Mary Jane Bowles. Mary Jane
was what you would call pocket We
nus, and often have been tempted to
tuck her under my arm, like pack
ct of sugar, and fly to some desert
island, for the girl was very fond of
of society = especially, the society of
young men with whom 1 was not on
terms of ardent friendship.
/ did not blame her for this, and when she
artlessly, invited me TO tea, / found that
Johnson had also been invited, my dis
cerning eyes observed that this was not
coquetry, but pure exuberance of spirits.
Mr. Bowles, l noticed, was of the same
opinion, and it was q great satisfaction
to me to have my judgment confirmed
by so experienced parent. Mrs.
Bowles, had she been alive, would no
doubt have agreed with us.
had known Mary Jane since she
wore short frocks. Johnson had known
ilVl lDOuJ II vas lltdShlO w
hear her call me Sam and he Mr. John
son, but somehow the familiarity in my
case seemed to have bred, not contempt
oh, dear no nothing of that kind -
but, sort of nonchalance of manner
(How useful the French language is
when one wants to express very deli
cate meaning y But that was her art
lessness.
" Dear me, SAM" she observed at the
tea-table, "what have you got such a
long face forp" Mr.. Johnson's atten-
tions had made me little pensive.
Something must be long to make up
for the prevailing shortness," said.
johnson was not much taller than
Mary Jane. j made note of that sar-
casm afterwards. My impromptus are
too often lost.
"Don't be impertinent, sir. Look
into that spoon. Your face is exactly
like the reflection you see there, isn't it,
Mr.. johnson 2"
He grinned. 1t was then 1 observed
for the first time the singular breadth of
his visage. His grin seemed to extend
across the room.
If Mr.. Johnson will hold the spoon
horizontally he may admire his own i'm
age" remarked playfully.
Johnson grinned again. He was one
of those insanely good-humored men
whom it is quite impossible to annoy.
I" SAM you are outrageous, " said Mary
Jane. " Mr.. johnson and 1 are going
to practice our duet. You stop here and
talk to Pap'
Mr.. Bowles had to be aroused from
the doze into which he usually dropped
after tea. 1t was in that my penetration
had detected his conviction that Mary
Jane was an artless creature.
Pa woke up and asked me what were
my views on tramways. His compost
tion was fine crusty conservatism ant
he disliked innovations. His port wine
was fine and crusty, too but that is by
the way.
was listening to the duet overhead
and had very indistinct idea of wha
the old gentleman said, and of what
was saying myself cannot sing, bu
it was not for that reason that 1 objected
to the preposterously operatic way il
which johnson was conducting him
self
" Tramways, my dear sir, are, as yol
so justly observe, the scourge of man
kind. From the earliest times they hav,
been noted for their hostility to human
r,;ut,,o aol