St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-02-01
Squibs.

A Newburg goat the other day de-
youred an entire novel ut one sitting
That's what you might call regular
swallow-tail goat.
Nothing" remarked teacher of bot
any, the other day, "nothing will come
up when the ground is frozen" If the
teacher will just try to put the crupper
on bay mule when it is feeling a little
dyspeptic, he will discover there are two
things which will come up like rockets
without any regard to the weather.
Hawkeye.
The sweet singer of Michigan was
smart enough for the Chicago inter
viewer. "You were the oldest of the
family, were you not ?" he said. ''No,
of course notP" replied the poetess.
"My father and mother were older than
me.
A man never uses his thumb-n nail for
a screwdriver but once.
A kitten that is drowned before it gets
its eyes open is saved the pain of grow
ing up and getting its tail pinched by
the wOodshed door.
GLOW would you like to be in nv
shoes 7" grOaned gouty invalid to a
the hard times. The tramp evidently
thought he'd like it pretty well, for he
was arrested with them on half an hour
afterward.
Hood used to tell story of a hypo-
chondriac, who drove furiouslv after
the doctor, who was whipping his own
horse all the way, for about three miles.
The hypOchondriac finally came along
side and exclaimed: "Hang it, doctor.
pull upl Pull up instantly! am dy-
ing" 81 think you are" cried the
doctor, 81 never saw any one going SO
fast"
The New York World translates this
story from Paris journal: Enter to
dentist sufferer, with a gigantic cheek.
who drops into the chair and wells
Take it out Out with it ( This min
ute ! Never mind if it hurts Take a
monkey wrench, anything; only ont
with it quick ~ Dentist, politely-Sir.
in the course of my long and successful
career have made it an invariable rule
never to pull tooth until had salts
fled myself by careful examination that
1t was beyond the resources of my
art to give the unfortunate sufferer re-
lett by any other method of procedure
less extreme and painful. Permit me,
then, sir, in conformity with this prac-
tice, the wisdom of which will com
mend itself to you at once, to proceed
to examine the part affected. Sufferer
Here Look Be quick None of
your Evarts orationsl Ouch (Howlsl
Dentist (apologetically)-I am afraid,
sir, shall have to ask your permission
to remove it.
Charlie had been taught by his father
that God made all things. He began
to inquire in detail in regard to various
objects, Coming out one day where
his father was at work, he set his bare
foot upon thistle. "Oh Papa, what
is that 2" THAT is thistle, Charlie.n
"Thistle ! Did God make itqn eyes.
Charlie, God made the thistle" ''Wen,
ne Whitfield it pretty sharp didn't heq"
A gentleman spending Christmas at
a country town, being troubled with
one OF Jobs comforters, called at the
village "stOre" and asked if they had
any remedy they could reccomend for
bolls. The country merchant studied
his case of patent medicine with a puz-
zled air for few moments, and re-
sponded in the negative, but as the
stranger stepped rather painfully from
the door, CLEAN of intelligence light
ed up his countenance, and he exclaim
ed: Blamed eff don't think the darn
fool has got bile.'