Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-10-11
F. U n :

An old Irish soldier, who served in the
Yankee army, and prided himself upon his
bravery, said he had fought in the battle
of Ball Run. When asked if he had re-
treated and made good his escape. as 9th
ers did on that famous occasion, he replied
"Be jabbers those that didn't run are
there yit!''
''Gentlemen Of the jury' said an Irish
barrister, sit will be for you to say wheth-
er this defendant shall be allowed to
come into court with unblushing foot
steps, with the cloak Of hypocrisy in his
mouth, and to draw three bullocks out of
my clients pocket with impunity."
"If there is any body under the canister
ofheaven that have in utter excrescence,"
said Mrs. Darlington, sit Is the slanderer.
going about like boy-constructor, circu.
lating his calomel upon honest people,"
What shattered Mr.. Barringer's faith
in his cid family physician was that he
gave him box with three pills in it, and
on the lid it said: Take two three times
q day just before eating"
It is related of converted gambler.
who attended prayer-meeting, which
was held in gambling saloon, that he
wished to cry "Amen - and said "Keno!"
This must be story.
COnklins letter reminds us of the new
convert who arose in prayer meeting and,
with tears of penitence streaming down
his face spoke of himself as "a d-n un-
worthy Christian"
Skeptecism has so increased that men do
not now believe in safe robberies unless
they see the man knock himself down
senseless and tell the robber where the
keys can be found.
It is confidently asserted that fve-sixths
of the weight of the human body is water.
That may be true of some bodies, but there
are other bodies in which the five-sixth is
whiskey. is
There is more unadulterated joy over
the capture of one solitary mosquito on
the inside of the netting than in circum-
venting the million and ninety-nine on
the outside.
It has been proven beyond doubt that
female having high instep is quick
tempered and inclined to pull street car
drivers hair if he stops one yard beyond
the crossing.
A young man of twenty took as a wife
Pennsylvania widow of fifty, the sole
proprietress of couple of paying Petro-
leum wells. He loved not wisely but two
wells.
A Ridgefeld man has invented a chair
which can be adjusted to eight thousand
different positions. It is designated for a
bow to sit in when having his hair cut.
A woman may not be far-sigated in bust
ness matters but she can see fly speck
without glasses as far again as man can
smell fried onions.
He was twitted fof his badness and 70.
torted sharply, "Weli. there are two things
YOU never saw in this wOrld-~a red-headed
niger or bald headed fool"
An exchange heads an article "a Crap
ple for Life with Wildcat We should
think life with wildcat would be the last
thing man would grapple for.
A Young lady about to marry farmer,
said oMother Eve married gardener"
She forgot to add that owing to the match
the gardener lost bis situation.
Rasper. being told that he looked seedy
and asked what business he Was in, re-
piled. 1.-THE hardware business LOOK at
my wardrobe"
ssThere, that explains whore my clothes
line went to-" exclaimed an Iowa woman,
as she found her husband hanging in the
stable.
ssDid you know 1 was there 90 said the
bellows to the fire. sob! yes, always
contrive to get wind NJ you," was the re-
ply.
In marriage, the heart of a widow is like
a furnished apartment. where one is apt
to find something left there by former
LOGGER.
When a man is INDUCING in frolic. to
say he is tout on lark, is libel on that
bird. Heis really ''out on aswallew.''
A young man named Turn married a
cousin of the same name, on the plea that
zone good turn deserves another
A dandy on shore is disgusting to manv
people, but swell of the sea sickens every
body.