The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-12-05

A strapping fellow the village school
master.
There is more active fun in an ounce
| of kitten than in a ton of elephant.
Saws the heather in his blindness:
| Am not man and BuddhaF'
When you come to look for a spot on
the sun you will find its Sol in your eye.
The man who has persistently closed
the door all summer now leaves it wide
open.
Six into four you can't, is what the
vender of shoes said to the fashionable
lady.
well known patent medicine man in
New York lives on the Anti Fat of the
land.
Northwestern Iowa newspaper re-
marks that recent railroad accident was
unlocked tor.
Certainly; "a habitation" took it's
name from Ahab. the first man who built
house.
more than 600 600 years ago. She used
to go to school with him.
Goats consume time" says an obser-
want contemporary. Yes; they consume
every thing but eternity.
An Englishman named Putton has
written book on music 1t will be
called "Putton on Airs, probably.
We were once amused at hearing
gentleman remark that he was bach
elor, as was his father before him.
The natural history man OF the New
Haven Register calls dromedary cam
el that has got his back up" twice.
When you are sparkling a damsel who
has neither father nor mother, doesn't it
! forcbly remind you of the Orphans
Court
When the British begin to make the
Afghans smoke some cruel paragraphist
will arise and say the whole war is Ameer
Sham
In year there are one hundred mill
ion of shoes manufactured in this coun-
try. No wonder the Americans are
wholesoled people
The man who goes to church simply
| because he has nothing else to do, may
be a heathen, but he is certainly an idle
worshiper.
In discussion on cremation at Lon
don club member is credited with the
argument: we earn our living why
should we not urn our dead? 2"
1t takes a man who wants Office to see
the corruption there is in official circles.
The more he sees of it, the more anxious
he seems to be to get into it.
Some people, when they have tale to
unfold, are not content with the mere
presentment of it, but, dog like. they
keep wagging it at you all the time.
The party who sent up some original
jokes for publication, can hear of pair
of square-toed shoes by calling at this
Office n B They are loaded
good looking young lady was caught
the other evening smoking cigar, and
gave as a reason for the act that it made
it smell as if there was a man around"
gentleman lately heard an Irish la
borer grandly informing two comrades
that "a IA FOUNDER is a cannon that sends
pound ball exactly seventy four ,niles."
as your master upT' asked an early
visitor OF a nobleman's valet Yes, sir"
answered the valet, with great innocence;
the butler and carried him up about
clock"
A sewing machine agent who was very
i'll, being told that he must prepare to
pay the debt of nature, wanted to know
il it couldn't be paid on the monthly in
stallment plan.
Somebody sends to the Call this afro
cious question and answer: How would
you describe in a Latin phrase the act of
kissing two girls at once? Why it would
be eplural buss yum, yum!"
He commenced with "Oh can these
lovely eyes of thine"-when she stopped
him short and told him she WASH can
ming that kind of fruit just then, and
wouldn't be coaxed to it either
There will be one comfort about that
railway which is to be built up the side
OF Mt Vesuvius The traveller will al
ways, find warm fire and a drop OF the
cratur" when he gets to the top
When man is hanging by his toes
from the cornlce of high building, and
expects momeutsrily to drop, nothing so
satisfies him the sudden discovery that
he is safely at home in bed.
wealthy but illterata man. who was
advised by his architect to build his sub
urban residence in the Tudor style, re-
piled: Il don't want two door One door
will do for me. My family is small and
there'li be less to lock up"
Twenty one young girls Of Kenosha.
W isconsin, have Resolved, That if the
young men won't come and see US, we
will go and see them" And the Young
men are stepping down and out and
taking to the woods.
The time when pious editor is excu-
sable for knocking splinters from the
third commandment is when he labs the
wrong end of his penholder in his ink
stand and hastily shoves it behind his
ear without wiping it off,
81 see you are taking an umbrella to
school with you to-day, said gentleman
to little Chicago girl, one dark and very
windy morning "Oh no. sir" came the
'heery answer, as she clung to the handle
and went swooping by "It's taking mel"
How are the stairs p said the lady to
5he house agent; mot steep, | hopeY'
Steep, madam | should say not It's
.he easiest staircase | ever saw in my
life. Why, it's so easy that when you're
going up you'd swear you were going
1own."