The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-07-11
Miscellaneous.

Miscellaneous.
brains out" "Why don't you ?" said joe
nobody would ever know it"
| Boosting is sometimes out of place.
We were once amused by hearing gen.
tleman remark that he was bachelor, as
was his father before him.
do fish sleep ?" is a scientific question
IF they don't, what are they doing in
the rivers bed p
"Ah p sighed hungry tramp II wish
1 was hoss. He's nearly always got
bit his mouth, while 1 haven't had bit
in mine for two days"
1fyou would be clear and forcible, don't
use foreign words. Be natural man
never stops to hunt up a foreign word
when he is stung by hornet
A sailor put saddle on hind part be-
fore. A bystander showed him his error;
but the sailor exclaimed "How do you
know which way am going to ride p
Let us not condemn all the bank pres
idents. Let US remember that there are
two or three who really haven't been
found out.
There are beautiful warm soda springs
in Colorado, and people who go bathing
in them at once exclaim: "Ohl but this
is soda-licious"
Are you the mate of this ship2" said
newly-arrived passenger to the cook.
mo, sir. l am the man that cooks the
mate" said the Hibernian.
Another woman has shot burglar
this time in Bradford, Pa. Before going
through house burglars should make
sure there is nobody but men around.
Tennyson's first ambition in life was to
be a soldier He did braver thing. He
wrote and published original poetry.
Perhaps he killed more people too, who
knows?
Minnesota girl has been serving on
a railroad as brakeman in male attire.
She gave civil answer to the questions
of passenger when her sex was at''once
suspected.
Miss Kellogg says newspaper men are
just like lemons-fit only to be squeezed
as much as possible, then tossed aside.
Just keep your distance, Clara Kellogg!
Police! Police!
That May duel was a sad affair.
1t is proved that they fought with cannon
at ten PAGES, which accounts for the
shower of fresh meat that fell in Ken
lucky some time previously
Russia has secured loan of 100000
O00.- Elk. We know it, we admit, and
yva tA hol1 oh
If we had it to do over again. by gra-
cious, we would not let her have it!
Professor-"Can you multiply together
concrete numbers? p The class are un-
certain. Professor-"What will be the
product of five apples multiplied by
six potatoesY Fresh (triumphantly-
Hash"
Speaking of the different kinds of
taxes" queried the teacher, what kind
is it where whisky is taxed2' "I know"
said one boy, holding up his hand.
"Well, what is it?" "Sin-tax," shouted
the young grammarian.
Lady: "You are fond of music, Colonel?'
Colonel r: Music Aw-yes. 1
think may say l like-aw noise of-of
any kind"
w. c. Smith edits paper in Newark,
New Jersey, and he allowed personal
advertisement in his paper which reflect
ed on the good nameof q woman in New
ark. She horsewhipped him, and it
would W. up to G. Smith run.
A merchant of Main street, tell us that
he set hen on an old tomato can, re-
Gently, and she Matched five bottles of
catsup, with lithograped labels, and a
dozen fine tomato plants. The gentle
man is an Alderman, and cannot tell a
lie, and would not if he could.
Cantelopes having made their appear
ance, we may expect to see that rever-
end, baldheaded, toothless, specialized,
lame and impotent circus joke about the
girl that can't elope" going the rounds
OF the provincial press. We print this
observation because we hope it may
serve as warning to our exchanges
John, did you take the note to Mr..
Jones2' "Yes; but don't think he can
read it," "Why SO, John p "Becs use
he is blind sir. While was in the room,
he axed me twice where my hat was; and
it was on my head all the time"
Strawberry festivals have taken the
place of the winter revivals in the
churches A strawberry, brethren isn't
as big nor as slippery as an oyster, but it
costs just as much at a church festival,
and is just as lonely and as hard to find
in a short-cake, as the oyster was in the
wilds of his native soup.
The superintendent approached a
youth of color, who was present for the
first time in Sunday school, and inquired
his name, for the purpose of placin G it on
the roll The good man tried in vain to
preserve his gravity when the answer was
returned: "Well, massa calls me Cap'n;
but my maiden name is Moses"
Lord North and his parliamentary
| opponent, Colonel Barre, both became
blind toward the close of their lives.
The two were afterward brought together
on a certain occasion, when Lord North
said: Colonel, you and have been at
variance; but believe there are now no
two persons in the world who would be
more glad to see each other"
Once upon an evening dismal, l gave
her kiss, paroxysmal and called her
name baptismal; precious name | loved
of yore Ah she was a darling creature,
pert of speech and fair in feature; but
: egad, you couldn't teacher, for she had
been there before, and only murmured,
: Buss me more