The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1878-08-09
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

Every Cat mas 1ur coat ana every dog
pants.-Bostoas Post
They also sweat who only stand and
wilt Rochester Chronicle.
Motto for hot nights-Learn to lay bare
and to.wait.-Londoa advertiser.
Russia finds nearly all her dreams Of
absolute power in Eastern Europe Disreal-
ized.-CSncinnati Commercial
Cyprus is about as large as Connecticut.
If anything, Connecticut is a nutmeg
CRATER -CoUrisr-Journal.
When people get to warning over relig-
ions, it is Satan and not the Almighty that
gets the service. Chicago Journal.
How to preserve the purity of the ballot
box-Loek the box up in freproof safe
and throw away the key.-.Norrsstoqen
Herald
In the way Of worshipin bot weather, a
man thinks he is doing well enough when
he allows his wits to 60 TO ohurch.--Neso
Orleans Picaynne.
The Peace Congress having adjourned,
the British lion, Russian bear, Bismarck Is
dog, and the Austrian eagle will travel
with menagerie as happy family.-Chs-
cago Times.
The copy of the treaty of peace should
have been submitted to Lord Salisbury
with instructions TO boil it down to three
sticks. Salisbury used to be an editor.
Boston 1rocezsr.
Little Johnny Dibbs ran into the house
the other day while the mercury was hug
ging 95, with the perspiration streaming
from every pore, and shouted: +" Mamma
mamma !! Ak me-I'm leaking all over I"
4 Western man attempted suicide, first
writing note to the effect that he was a
blasted oak. He survived, and the impres.
sion has been revived that he la blasted
nuis ssace.-Fzchange Also that be was
a-corned man at the time.-Phsladelphia
Bulletin. It were better that he died, as
he is likely to pine away and live wretch
existence.-Bossos Globe. Let us hope that
he viii spruce up and never do such rash
thing again.-Marblehea6 Messenger.
You maple leaf this or not. Whoa, elma.
Is base drum music sold by the pound ?
Deztsr Smith, Yes land tenor drum music
by the roli.-Ringsoood Journal. And
harp music by the cord. IN Norristossn
Herald. And hand organ music by the
pennyweight.-Graphtc. And horn music
by the d'ram--Csneinnat6 Saturday
Night. And cat music by the yard-in the
rear Whitehall Times. Church music is
sometimes by the quart-ette.-G Geasoa
Gazette. And bag pipe music is always by
the plpe.--Baz,ston Jouraal And chin
music by the y'ell.-Fasltoas County Re
putlicaw. And piano music by the gallon
the piano.-.St. John Torch Has anybody
said anything about the viol?-Bur1sngton
Hasokege. You folks will never be harp-y
till You quit this.-Detroit Free Prsss.
a young Oil citizen calls his sweetheart
Revenge, because she is sweet. OIL City
Derrick. And the young married man on
South Hill calls his mether-in-laW Delay,
because she is Burlington
Haaskeye And South End man calls his
wife Fact, because she is stubborn thing
Boston Globe. And fourth wife of a
District Attorney calls him Necessity, be-
cause be. knows no. .law,--Neso Orleans
Times. And a Cincinnati man names his
coaehman Procrastination, because he
stole his watch.-BreaAfass Table. And a
Syracuse man calls his wife Sluggard, be-
cause she gets mad and goes to her aunt
every time be stays ont TO the lodge.-syra-
euse Timss. A Yonkers man calls his wife
Frailty, because Shakespeare says, Grail
ty,, thy name is woman. p YonEers
Gazette. And New York insurance agent
calls his wife Honesty, because it's the
best policy.-Defreis Free Prsss.