Daily Los Angeles herald., 1878-02-21
SCISSORS.

They call certain Western Judge
"Old Necessity" because he knows
no law.
"We've got to econ mize or the
country is ruined,n was the solilo-
guy of husband as he kindled the
fire with his wife's hustle.
''Free chopsn is q sign hung out
by Detroit restaurant, and when
the customers apply they are shown
to a wood-pile and handed an axe.
Mr.. ]. Robson has laid an egg
upon the Woman table. 1t is n
very peculiar egg.-Hankfort Yeo-
man Well, we should rather
think so.-Coavier-Joarndl.
Young Wife-"My dear, don't be
eternalIy finding fault with the
fashion. If you don't like the style
of my hair, don't dress yours in
that way, that's all. If l were to
follow your example, l should have
to wear my hair bald headed. u
Husband collapses.
The man who remarks, "Wben l
lived in New Orleans in the good
old times before the war; and the
other man who says, "When was
in Frisco in 49," ought to be tied
together over u clothes line and left
there to talk it out between Them
( ~ Y Commercial.
Mr.. Turney, the teller of the
Bank of North America, in New
York city, got away with 100000,
and having been apprehended an
nounces that he will plead guilty,
as he has conscientious scruples
against putting the county to the
expense of a suit" This is the first
intimation we have heard that Mr..
Turney possessed such q commodity
as q conscience.
A young man at Il church fair,
when urged by one of the "sistersn
to take "chance" in drawing
for pound cake, said he turned
over a new leaf on the first of the
year, but he wouldn't mind chip
ping in dollar, and playing a
game of seven-up for the "pot.n
The sister didn't urge him any
more after that. = NorristoVn
Herald.
Two passengers were playing
cards in the train from Bath to
London. "Il's very odd," remarked
one of them, twelve been playing q
long time, and 1 haven't seen a
single king.n ats very natural,u
replied the other, "seeing that you
have the king of hearts up your
sleeve, and l have the other three
in my boot" They didn't play any
more after that.
At a recent meeting in England
which was characterized by much
religious excitement, an old man
gave expression to his joy by shout
ing, and continued it until it began
to interrupt the services. Brother
w was requested to Ego and
stop that old mans noise.n He
went to him and spoke few words
and tho shouting man at once be-
came quiet. "Brother what
did you say to the old man that
quieted him so promptly?' 81
asked him for guinea for foreign
MISSIONS" replied Brother W.
Once upon n time Hosea Ballou
and Lyman Beecher met to COM
pare Calvinism and Universalism.
Both were bible men, and each
came armed with textual missiles.
After several apostolic blows from
each, shrewdly parted by the
other, DIR. Beecher opened at the
ninth Psalm and read: i" The
wicked shall be turned into hell,
and all the nations that forget
God" "There, sir, the wicked are
in hell; get them out if you cam"
Hosea Ballou, calm as summer
morning, pointing to the Goth chap
ter of Johns Revelation, read:
"Death and hell delivered up the
dead which were in Them"
"There," said Father Ballou, "they
are out; get them in again if you
CAM
Lord Brougham and Barnes, for.
merry editor of the Times cordially
detested each other, and it is said
to have suddenly occurred to the
former, when he met with a coach
accident on his way north, to spread
report that he had been killed,
and thus hoax Barnes into writing
an obituary notice. To strengthen
the rumor he had his coffin ordered,
and all preparations made for his
funeral. In those days there were
no telegraph and no railways, and
and for day or two the Times was
incredulous. Barnes, however,
dispatched a reporter to the north
by special post chaise, who went to
Lord Brougham's house, and, being
there shown the coffin with a pail
upon it, returned convinced. Next
day the Times came out with BIZ
ography, every line of which, to
use memorable phrase, was writ.
ten with pen dipped in venom
and gall. Brougham, it is said,
enjoyed the joke immensely.
Barnes, however, treasured it up as
an additional wrong.