Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1878-11-16
A MODbRN DICTIONARY.

Public Abuse-The mud with which
every traveller is spatlered on his road
To distinction.
Distant Relations People who inn
aginc they have a claim to rob you II
YOU are rich, and to Insult you if you
are poor.
Bv.le-A beautiful, but useless insect
" ithout wings, whose colors fade on
being removed from the sunshine.
Heart-A rare article. sometimes
found III human beings. 1t is soon. how
ever. DESTROYED by commerce with the
world. or else becomes fatal to its pos
SCISSOR.
Housewi!e-An ancient art. said to
have been fashionable among Young
Urls and wives; now entirely out of
nse. or practiced only by the lower or
derS
Wcal,h-The most respectable quali-
" ol man.
Virtue-.An awkward habit of acting
differently from other people. y vulgar
word II creates great mirth IN lash
!unahlr circles.
Honor Shooting a friend thror III the
head whom You love. in order to gam
the praise of few others whom you
dc>pise.
I.au"btcr-An agreeable and conta-
riuus convulSion OF the human counte-
na,.ce on receiving = tai!or's bill, or
being asked to return an umbrella.
Law Proceedings - Unbrushed cob
webs OF the dark ages.
! Cirar-A slender tube, formed of the
dried and folded leaves OF wonderful
plant. discovered by Raleigh. When
| women turn false, ANA men selfish
when YOUR creditor duus you like
tiend. and your debtor takes the act
when the future looks dark. and the
rresen, lreary. by the fragrance OF this
| little instrument. extracted by means OF
fire. YOU are tor Il brlet period rendered
inScnSibic to every sorrow. ana luilea
into dreams more entertaining than
those OF sleep.
Sa,irical Poem - Harmless imperti-
ncncc in verse.
Marriage - The gateway through
which the lover leaves his enchanted
regions and returns to earth.
Death-An ill-bred fellow, who visits
people at all seasons. and insists upon
thrir Immediately returning his call.
Friend A person who will not assist
you. bccausc he knows your love Will
excuse HIM
Welded B!iss-A term used by Mill
ton.
Bargain ludicrouS transaction, II!
which each party thinks he has cheated
the other.
Doctor-A man who kills you to-day
, ! to save YOU from dying tomorrow.
Lunatic ASyIum-A Kind OF hospital
where detected lunatics are sent by
. those who have had the adroltness to
2 conceal their own intirmlty.
Cri,ic-A large dog that goes unchain'
= ed. and barks ut everything he does
h not comprehend
y Esquire - Everybody, yet nobody
: equal to colonel.
/, Jury Twelve prisoners iii a box tt
n try one or more III the bar.
Il Young Attorncy-A useless mern'e
: OF society who often goes where he ha
e no business to be. because he has Ut
J. business where he ought to be.
5 atc's Evidcncc-A wretch who i
Il parrloned ior being baser than his com
i radeS.
It Political HaneSty-Previous lexicog
: raphcrs have not noticed this word
treating it altogether rs tabulous-fo
n definition. rttC seq -tHtfCSt.
r The Grave - An ugly hole IN th
II ground, which lovers and poets wisl
e they were in. but take uncommon pain
If to keep out Of
. Moicsty A beautiful flower tha
IS flourlshcs only in secret places.
:, Sensibllily-A quality by which it
e posscssor in attempting to promot
e the happiness OF other people loses it
Il own.
h A Man OF Talents An impertinen
II scoundrel who thrusts himself forward
G a writer of execrahle poetry; 4 persol
r without modesty; noisy fellow
It speech-maker
IS Lawyer--A learned gentlemen, VIII
+ rescues your estate from your enemy
II and keeps it himself.
e Nv Dear-An xpression used by mai
it and wife at the commencement of :
y quarrel.
It Honcsty-An excellent joke.
o Dentist-A person who finds work TO
% his own teeth by taking out those o
it other people.
Il Fear-1he shadow of hope.
o Tongue-A little horse which is con
tinually running away.