The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1878-08-02
FACTS AND FANcIEs.
y young man calls his sweetheart
"Revenge," because she's sweet.

A young man calls his sweetheart
"RevenSe," because she's sweet
Yes, dear Lucille, we believe it was
LOngfellOw who wrote "the Hanging
OF the CrayOn."
An eight-doIlar hat over fifteen
cents worth of brains is a very COM
= mon sight now>a-days.
The lightning rod swindlers will
soon begin to operate. Spare the rod
but kill the agent.
The woman who maketh n good
pudding in silence is better than she
who maketh q tart reply.
Now the clerk at two dollars per week,
Is beginning to yeRrn VacationwisC;
And in fond dreams, so 10 speak,
Is languishing country reiationwiss.
y Mathematics. Freshman at board.
l'rolessOr-"Mr. T., what have you
2 gotw +. GnnOccntly) -" "Ive got
81 loaf thee" said the baker to the
dough. "GOu can't help it, for you
knead me-" replied the dough in Il
flOury tone.
. Why ought poultry keeping to be II
most profitable business? Because for
every grain you give fowl it gives Il
peck.
You can't go back on the name of
Hannah, no matter what spell comes
over the spirit of your orthographical
dreams.
Attention, Ben Putler! Now's your
chance. a French doctor claims to
have discovered a process for making
homely men pretty.
London Truth: 'T,uclly people are
always people endowed with high
spirits, and high spirits are one of the
great forces OfIife."
a man often feels light-hearted on
hearing OF the demise Of Il wealthy
| relative, but this can't be said of him
when he misses ferry boat.
Gilmore writes to ask "Tf any man
evel rode upon Il star?V -EortHiuly,
my dear, don't you remember whom
Balaam had an asteroid? Hay?
\ newspaper man who breaks fIre
Sabbath, excuses himself thus: 'TC
fish are wicked enough to bite on Sun
day, they ought to suffer for it,"
a house on First street, Louisville,
wherein occurred some of the scenes
depicted by Mrs. Stowe in "Umclo
Toms Cabin" has just been torn
down.
A German farmer disputed ,his tax
bill. He said: / pays the State tax,
the county tax, and the school tax;
but by tam, pays no total tax. Is
got no total, and ! never had any.
An exchange in a moment Of rapt,
llre, wants to know 'the difference
between claret punch and pretty
girls lips" The difference is, tile lat
ter don't go good through a straw.
1t is the confession of a widowcr.
who has been thrice married, that the
first wife cures a mans romance, the
second teaches him humility, and the
third makes him philosopher.
"Julius, is dat Halafactus reward
settled yet"' 81 dunno, Coperimiurs,
but l reckon not, for Observe dc house
OF representation is maxim music
bout the preparation for de "1ishiu'-
The "Beautiful Blue pauubcv
waltZcs through 500 miles of country
where on"-half the people never
change their shirts, and the other hair
never battle. Ia dumpty, thum. tc
dcet ! tc deet
During a time Of great political OK
DIR. CheCvcr called Oh an old
deacon for prayer. The deacon said:
- We'll, pastor, ! will, if yOu insist on
it; but, really, Pm too mad to pray
now"
In this State, laws are made by the
every year, and ii is Il fact
that If those we have now on the stat
ute books were enforced to the letter,
Of the population would
be in Jail.
The intellectually of Boston is all
DerYadinS. II is said that at every
bench show of docs the classical curl
lt the Boston dogs tail enables you To-
distinguish him from the estwhen all
other signs fail.
The man who carries around the
box in church ought tO
ie supremacy happy; hC odu Soc how
much every one puts in, and no one
an tell howmuch he takes Out-of his
pocket to put in.
Particular to shade. Office Page.
Please, sir, was the money YOU give
ne for yer lunch Il twO-shIlng piece
II 'arf crown" Clerk: "HaIr q
.rown. Why" Office Page: "Cog
gone and lost it,"
y man may face death with compo-
Ure, and adversity with smiles. but
he chances are that he will hop and
wear when he discovers that a tweu-
y-cent silver piece has been palmed
III on him for a quarter.
Tell us not in mOurnful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream:
Let a man but eat cucumb bers
And nightmare it will seem.
Wife isarcastically, to husband conf
ns home ut five in the morning.
Home already, my dear? Why YOU
ire early" Husband-'sNes, NV love:
1ut didn't care about staying any
ater; it was getting dull"
Prisoners in the Connecticut State
prison get a reduction in time of two
months from each year of their terms
Dy good behavior, This to q man SER
wing his life sentence must amount to
at the end of his time.
A gentleman of Louisville has dog
"a pointer. The dog ran up the steps
)f house and refused to come down.
His master followed and found az.
Partridge on the door~pIate. This il
ustrates the force of instinct.
y little four year old boy sat alone
in the parlor when new doctor came
to see his sick mother. The doctor
wished to make his ac,uIain-
Lance, and said, "HOW old are YOU,
NV son ~ EIIm uot old. I'm, nrv, y