The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-01-05
The Man With the Foot Warmer.


WOMEN are so deceptive, you know.
The other day an honest-hearted and
well-meaning man, who lives with q
third wife and two mothers-in-law came
here from Vermont to sell foot-warm-
ers. Now, it is an historical fact, and
one frankly admitted in every family
circle, that eight out of ten females
over sixteen years of age have cold feet
during the winter, and that millions of
dutiful husbands each night toll up
stairs under the burden of hot bricks or
a seven-pound fiat-iron. With all these
facts in his favor Vermonter invented
toot-Warmer of soapstone, handsome
in shape, handy to carry on a visit to
the country, and warranted not to tar
nish by the smoke of blistered heels.
The agent who came to Detroit had a
right to expect cordial reception at
least, but he went away last night
down-hearted and discouraged and even
wishing that he was dead Provided
with one of the warmers, and armed
with the certificates of seven Boston
doctors that cold feet carry off more
than consumption, the agent called at
a house on LarAed street east and said
to the middle-aged lady who answered
the bell:
Madam, | shall take great pleasure
in showing you the latest Vermont nov
elty-BraySon' S fOot-warmern
mo, you won't!' was her prompt
response as she looked around for the
broom.
But, madam, are you not troubled
with cold feet?''
"No, sir. l keep 'em sissing hot lift
ing agents off the doorstep! Get right
down, now, or the door will Jam your
toes clear back to your heelsr'
He got down. He didn't propose to
give any Detroit woman second
chance to throw away her brick-yard
and replace it with the most convenient
articles ever invented for winter use.
He turned down on Congress street and
entered a small millinery store. A fe-
male, whom he supposed likely to have
cold feet if any mortal woman in town
had, eyed him suspiciously as he opened
the door, and he was hardly inside
when she called out: Please leave
your dog outdoors!
Madam | have no dog" he sweet
ly replied. My outfit simply consists
OF an article indispensable to every
household. 1t concerns the feet
81 don t want no boot-iacks!" she al
most Screeched.
cit is not a boot-jack, madam. You
see it is a soapstone, handsomely cut
and provided with plated wire handle.
1t is a foot-warmer, madam. | have
sold 780 in two days to the most fash
ionable ladies of this city, and the cry
is-n
"1ou great beast! if you don't take
yourself out of here L II warm your whole
body for your she shrieked, and she
picked up bodkin and assumed such
a threatening attitude that he speedily
retreated. The only ray of sunshine
and profit coming to him the long fore
noon occurred as he entered bakery
on Catharine street The woman in
charge had her shoes off ana her feet
on the stove-hearth, and she prompt
ly admitted that she had cold feet. and
that his foot-warmer and bag of pop
corn in her stocking would be all the
Christmas present she could hope for.
''Ihave sold over 900 to the very first
ladies of Detroit" he remarked by way
of encouragement.
"Yaw, dot is drue," she calmly re-
piled.
1T is an awful comfort these cold
nights" he went on.
''1aw, | belief dot-shust like Cos
pei"
And the price is very low, madam.
You keep your feet warm all winter for
the tritling sum of one dollar"
''Yaw, dot is shust So" she unused.
"And you will take one?n
ooh, neinn'
But you say you have cold feet,
MADAME
"Yaw.n
"And how will you get along without
one of these foot-warmers?
Il schall schleep nit my feet on nv
husband S pack!' she tenderly answered
and the agent could say no more.
He called at this office at dark to 90
back on a $500 advertisement which
would have made its first appearance to-
day, and he was last seen going in the
direction of Toledo. He called at thirty
four houses in all, offered that foot
warmer to thirty-four women whose
heels mark five degrees below zero from
November to April, and yet every one
of them treated him with scorn and
contempt. When the still night creeps
on apace, and eyes are closing with
sleep, who knows how many of those
thirty-four inconsistent and hypocriti-
cal women will suddenly yell out:
"Ooh! ouch! That mean old flat
ironr' -DetrOH Free Press.