Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1878-04-30
SCISSOR -SNIPPINGS!

MADAM, what do you hold on the
question Of female sufrage?" "Sir, I
hold nay tongue"
e Miss Rosa Won Hillern wears clock
stockings, which is the secret of her
making such good time.
Why are ships called she? Because
they always keep man on the lookout, |
for Squalls" you know.
Old Simon is NO longer the Boccaccio |
Of Pennsylvania, although he is the au-
thor Of D. Cameron.-P l.
In view of the spread of Christianity
it is suggested that the whole heather
world is Pagan out.-Her0E.
One swallow may not make a sum-
mer, but too many swallows will Ger
tainly make bummer.-N. Y. Mail.
"She died for me-" said the young
husband when he beheld her dark
locks gradually returning to their erigi-
nal red.
Worth made fifteen toillettes for the
fair Rothschilds-R oseberry. Merit
makes the man, and Worth the woman.
Capital.
"Leve is an internal transport" ex-
claimed an enthusiastic poet. $50 is
canal boat" said an old forwarding
merchant.
If you want to know what a friend
really thinks of you, rifle him up little /;
or, if that fails, try to borrow some
money of him.
The man who leaves two-thirds of a
cigar in dark nook on the front stoOp
when he goes to see his girl will make a
thrifty husband.-P. L.
Loafers do not toll, neither do they
l>,1f 70 "
and soul together without working,
which is very fine art.
Punch says that the greatest organ
in the world is the organ of speech. in
woman: an organ, too, without g stop"'
Keep your temper, ladies.
Mans vapor,
Full of woes;
Starts a paper,
Up he goes. [Ctn. Enquirer.
Detroit News :-'' There are but two
men in Bay City who are not candidates
for the position of City Marshal. One is
dead and the other is wooden Indian
In Boston a poor man who, less thar
one year ago, had only one suit OF clothes
went into the newspaper business, anC
now has eight suits. Seven OF them arr
for libel.
Two for assent-a bridal couple.-N
Y. Commercial Three for ache water
trio at the physicing springs
NeaDs. Ate for dolor-green persim
mons.-Rich. Transcript.
Now plant cucumbers.-New Yorl
Graphic. We had rather pick a lily
Boston Bulletin. 1t takes good soil t.
raise mortgage.-Ir0nscript How
about raising 'the wind?"
Gold butterflies with diamond eye!
are among the female head ornaments
Mr.. Bulge says he would have to d.
without his 'grub" to afford his wifi
such a terfy.-NorristoaOn Herald
At the marriage of an elderly femal
lately in church, the organist playet
the well-known hymn beginning:
This is the way long have ave, sought, ),
on the entrance of the bridal party.
A negro was caught IN mans garden
at Roanoke. North Carolina, the othe
night, in close proximity to a lot of fin
cabbage. When Intercepted as to wha
he was doing, he replied "Good Lord
dis niggar can't go nowhar to pray
without bein' troubled"
Eugene, poet, to Amelia:
Come sit down on the shelly shore,
And hear the mighty ocean roar"
Amelia, a fashionab lie young lady, t.
Eugene:
"1 can't sit down, you silly goose,
Because I'd bust my ull-back loose"
They were sitting together, and b.
was arduously thinking what to say
when he finally burst out in this man
ner: ''In this land of noble achieve
ments and undying glory, why is it tina
women do not come to the front, an
climb the ladder of fameW II sup
pose," said she, biting her apron strings
tits on account of their pull-backs."
How women can manage to sit Dol
upright and not change position, look
ing neither to to the right or left, durin
sermon in church, passes the under
standing. A man will sit on pickle
fence all the afternoon to see a ba
match, but put him in church peN
for three-quarters of an hour and he wi
wobble all over the seat.-Elnaira ID
VertSser.
benjamin" shouted Mrs. Toodles
her husband, who was going out of tn
gate, "bring me back some snuff whe
you come" "Snuff, Mrs. Toodles-
snuff" he calculated, as he paused wit
his hand on the latch. mo, no, Mrs
Tcodles, the times are too hard to adm
of such an extravaganza. You mus
tickle your nose with straw when 20
want to sneeze."
An Engl1Sl vicar was Standing on
Monday morning at his gate, when on
of his parishioners arrived with has
ket of potatoes. "What's this ?" sal
the vicar. please SIR" replied tn
man, "it's some Of cur very best tatur
avery rare kind, sir. My wife said yol
should have some of them, as she hear,
you say in your sermon, the common
taturs didn't agree with you"
always Keep Smile for Mother,
is the latest sentimental song published
always keep smile for mother,
Do not drain the festive jug,
Leave enough, somehow or other
Just to noisten her old mug,
Touch it lightly, leave some in it,
Just swallow-that's the style;
What you'd drink in half a minute
Is enough for mothers SMILE"
Some time ago Tendon used to rise il
the morning with the prayer that Got
would bless their work and help then
to dc it well. America rises and pray
to the great Belshazzar, the ruler O
mammon and pleasure: 80, thou
mighty, most adored one, bless oul
shoddy manufactures [laughter] anc
help this day to do our work with slim
ness, swiftness, with profit and with
mendacity-for the de-e-vils sake
a-a-men. "-Jos. Cooks Lecture on Ulti
mate Americ0.
About week ago there were two
smart young men got on Burlington
and Cedar Rapids train and laid them
selves out to amuse and instruct the pas
SenvorS. Very MANY fI1nny things said