West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-01-05
EVERYDAY SPICERIES.

HACKENsACK Republican: II Is said
that Eve was the first woman who gath
cred leaves i'm the Fall
BILLINGS says, "There IL no man who
needs so much watching M the one who
IL all the time Watching some one else"
DANBURY Nc,cs: Judging from nu-
merous samples of his work, Cupid must
be drunk about two-thirds of the time.
DEXTER Smiths: An exchange says,
Emperor William suffers from the ear
ache" Most persons do, when they
have IL.
Sr. LOUIS Journal: When fond
mother goes on II whaling expedition,
she never fails to get all the blubber
she wants.
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin: A New York
dramatist is writing play to be called
the " Savings Bank We predict for
it tremendous run.
ROME Sentinel; Several exchanges are
giving directions " How TO Dress" Che
most sensible way is to stay in bed till
the fire is started and then take your
clothes under your arm and trot out TO
the dining-r0om stove.
BRIDGEPORT Standard: The cold world
little realizes the sense of dcsolation that
shuts down on man who thinks he has
been handed too much change by his
grocer when he lodges around the cor
ucr and finds it right to cent
lT is said that the age of superstition
is passed, but there are yet II great many
women who wouldn't have dress cut
on Friday for the world.-Er. What
the dear creatures most banker after is
"Wednesday dress.--PhH Buiietin.
THE MEERscuAUM
Scorn not the nccrschaum. Housewives, you have
In ignorance Of It's charms. Through this small
reed
Dd Milton now and then consume the weed
The poet Tcnnyson hath oft invoked
The Muse with glowing pipe, and Thackeray joked
a nd wrote and sang ~ NicOiininn mood
Hawthorne with this hath checred his solitude;
,1 thousand 9, lime, ihis pipe hath lowell smoked
Aud many morc whose verses font about,
Puiicd the NiTgnnn or Havana leaf
And when the poets or the artists branch
Drops no sustaining fruit, how sweet 10 pour
ConsOlatory whili-alas too hTieil
--"OHe IlhO hnoics Whereof lie Writes" ia Harpor.
STRAY Sguib: One of the old blue
laws of Connecticut said No one shall
run on the Sabbath day, except reyer-
emily" Imagine n man just out of
church pursuing flying hat reverently
before high wind and in the presence
of an. interested congregation.
WORCESTER Press; They don't have
any coppers in circulation down in st.
Louis, and the JouyRdt of that city
thinks that they should be introduced
So say we. Down with u custom which
prevents newspaper men from contrib
uting for the support of the church
BuRLINGToN Hm0kcye: Every young
man who is so fat he can't tie his own
necktic, and whose face is az round and
about large as dinner plate, wears
helmet hat, and the burlesque sits on
top of his head like grape on an orange.
The spectacle of a fat man in n helmet
hat is what makes murderers.
SAN FRANCISCO Mail: The fire re-
porter Of the POst says, concerning the
conhagration Of the North Point dock
warehouse: "1 he pig iron is, of course,
uninjured." This quieted much public
apprehension, for il was considered GER
tain that If the pig iron had caught lire
nothing could have saved the city.
NoRRIsTowN Herdld. Statistics show
that more persons commit suicide in
summer than IN winter. This is easily
explained. In summer, parlOr windows
are thrown open, and the ducet notes
clawed from pianos by learners are borne
out upon the silent air and strike thou
sands of human ears, filling the heart
with misery and things, and destroying
all desire 10 live.
WHY is lamp-chimney like Chicago
savings bank2 No one appears able to
answer this DonJury NcWs. That's a
mere snare. It's too easy because
they're sure 20 break. lI-Because q
SCOT is apt TO grow out of them. III
Because they burn your fingers. "
Because they can't stand a strong draft.
| V--Becausc there is something wicked
at the bottom of them. VI-Because
/ they're hollow. VII--Bccause they've
/ beBzine 10 bust VIIl--But there
/ there we're weary, we're a-weary, we
are sad and sore perplexed let our am
swcr 10 your query be continued i'm our
| next.-PhH. Buiictia.