Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1878-04-11
ALLS WELL THAT ENDS WELL.

He was middle-aged man, and
would pass anywhere for an ex,
congressman, The cold sweat OF wis.
dom and common-sense sparkled on
his brow, and no one to look at him
would for a moment suppose that he
would be guilty OF mean action.
He boarded the Morris and Essex
700 train due west, and seating him.
self near the stove, commenced to
devour the contents OF a patent
medicine almanac with great avidity
When the train had gone through
the Erie tunnel. the conductor
stepped into the car and shouted
"Ticketsl'
The passengers Immediately pro.
duced either the pasteboard or the
collateral that speaks all languages;
and the conductor finally reached
the middle-aged pilgrim, and screamed
In his ear:
Ticket. pleasei"
"Yes, sir" said the traveller, Il will
l am always happy to tick it when
and wherever / can, and 1 am much
obliged to you for telling me to-"
Il want your ticket. sir" said the
conductor, sternly, when the traveller
went on;
at Is a we'll authenticated fact that
Powhatan was going to club the head
off OF Capt. Smith, but he didn't. and
l wish you would tell your children
of it."
"Yes sir, you should pour the his.
tory OF our beloved country into
your children, IL It takes half the
money you knock down on this roaG
to do it."
Il am not a thief, sir" cried The
conductor, "and IL you don't hand out
your ticket right away I'll expell
you from this train."
"And don't you forget" the pill.
grim went on, ITO tell your children
about old Hickory Jackson, and ths
way he cleaned out them Britisher.
at New Orleans. o, wasn't it beauti
full Whenever / think OF 1t, 1 fee
like husking of my duster and tur
ming flip flaps all over creation"
Hand out your ticket, or bouncel
yelled the collector OF fares.
"And don't fall" continued tn,
peregrinator, "to mention to you
youngsters something about OLE
Harrison the big Injun fighter:
oldTippecanoe
And Tyler. too.
eh, and be sure to tell them the littl,
story OF George Washington and th'
juvenile AK"
"If you don't favor me with you
ticket" said the conductor. "I1l stol
the train and put you off,"
The old fellow paid no attention t
the remarks addressed to him, bu
continued:
80. for the good old days of Jeffer
son and Jackson; them was the day
OF square deals. and no murdere
could get stay OF proceedings. AM
no Tweed could rob the people an,
get away with the swag.
There's too many foreign office
holders now, anyway, that's what
the matter"
"Give me your ticketl" screame,
the conductor.
"Supposin' I amt got none?" que
ried the man.
"Then give me your money"
"Hain't got none; will my note O
hand do?"
"No sir, you may take your choice
ticket, money, or bounce"
"Then bounce, Is the programme.
The conductor in an ecstacy o
rage, stopped the car. and as the fel
low stepped out into the meadows
he drew out of the leg Of his panta
looms an old gun.
The conductor turned pale, at tn
idea Of being shot, when the travele
smiled sweetly and said:
Il hain't going to harm a hair o
your head, mister; came out here t
go snipe shooting, and il you hadn'
let me of, I'd had to have jumped oi
and run the risk OF breaking my gun
Remember what / told you abou
American history, and pour it int
your children IL it makes you g
broke"
The conductor crawled into tn
car with sickly smile, the passen
gers chuckled. and as the trail
moved off the old man was lookinl
for a wisp OF snipe.