West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-08-10
That Vicious Boy of Pultzer's.

Pulitzer is looking for another office
boy. lie got a new one last week, but
the youth has passed on TO other scenes
The boy came to him in answer TO an
advertisement. lie was neatly dressed.
hair combed nicely, and shoes shiny.
Pulitzer looked him over, and thought he
would do.
The duties into which the new boy
was installed were manifold, hut his sue.
cess was fully up TO the average i'm most
of them. After he had been ON trial
two or three days, Pulitzer laid before
him large pile of bills and invoices,
and explained how he wished them
folded up in a certain shape, of uniform
size, and a slight indication of their con
tents written across the end. The boy
said he comprehendcd the idea, and set
to work with vim that caused his kind
hearted employer To pat him ON the head
and remark that he wasa good boy, and
deserved To get on in the world. About
this time Pulitzer was called out of the
office, and didn't return for n couple of
hours; when he did So he found the task
completed and the boy anxious To
submit the work for the appreciation he
felt sanguine il would receive. Pulitzer
talked patroniZingly To the youngster
/
he had put them on and taken one square
look at the papers before him his suavity
of mar ner ceased TO he excessive. His
brow darkencd and his voice grew ter
rible as his eye quailed before such IN
scriptions IA frate bile on sum shooger."
pade for vittles and luther things"
bile on kole hot fur hows," "bile ov
mann no pute sum glass inter thee oriiss
winders," "pade fur fXen karridgc,"
bile fursum close fur missus pulkzur,"
munney Civ tew aniggore fur wottcrcn
thee streates, y" bile fur ate baruls NV
pertayturs."
There was one brief, ileeting moment
in which Pulitzer might have been
Knocked down with "A feather, but i'm
the next instant he brought his clenched
list down on the desk with the force of "a
labor strike, splitting the panel, upset
ting the inkstand over the new ledger,
and sending things spinning over the
iioor, while he poured forth CALCULATIONS
reproachful, indignant and profane.
Then he turned upon the boy, lifted him
up by the ears, brought him down with
all the emphasis he could muster, and
bade him begone from his sight
You blaspbemous little wretch ~ he
| yelled, couldn't have believed that
any human being outside of TOphet
could have spelled so internally wicked
and maliciously as you have done You
are whited sepulcher of the most in
famous description; 10 the eye you ap-
! pear mild, harmless and even pleasing,
but with pen in your hand you could
devastate the world, and turn the life of
n saint into one horrid, Grazing night
mare. The Bible itself, in your spelling,
would shake Christianity TO It's base, and
makes all men lunatics. You are fraud
and delusion Il pitfall and Il snare as
ungrateful as Satan, and as much TO be
dreaded as the seven plaques. You will
| grow up TO be a ahOusebreaker and body
snatcher, and nothing but the school
room can save you from the gallOws
Leave me Clear out! VamoOsel before
] strangle you Run as fast as you can
| for the nearest school-house Study
day and night, late and early-W he
! hme-and try for heavens sake with all
! your might 20 overcome the base in
stincts that seem 10 have been born in
! you. Never be caught without your
| spelling book, for it is your only saliva
ton. Try hard, prayerfully, and un-
ccaslngly, and you may, possibly, by a
Ts-breadth, circumvent the terrible
fate which now seems TO be inevitable.
Gitl and never let me see you again till
| you can outspell Webster himself, or !
shall shoot you on sight"
And this is how it comes that Pulitzer
wants another boy. No bad spoilers
/ need apply.