St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-09-13
Squibs.

Squibs. i lsl--
We have just been thinking how Ian
guage came into the world. 1t was
during Adam and Ewes first quarrel,
when one word brought on another
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
A North Carolina editor declares that
''the man who will read newspaper
three or four years without paying for
it will pasture IA goat on the grave of
his grandfather"
A seaside belle left her bathing shoes
hanging out of her hotel window to dry,
and the next day the local paper an
nOunced that such hotel chad put up
new awnings, of unique design"
'Risks."-Shrewd clerk with an eye
to his percentage): "Take an accident
insurance ticket, sir 2" Passenger (ner-
vously): "Wha' for ?" Clerk "WeH,
sir, nothing has gone wrong 'twixt this
and London for the last fourteen
months and by the haverages the next
smash on the hup line is overdue ex-
actly six weeks and three days" (Old
gent forks out with alacrity. .)-Punch.
On Friday morning a tramp marched
the length of Church street, with fan
cy bouquet in the button hole of his
coat, and the rear portion of his panta-
looms in a condition so feafully man
gied as practically to amount to no
pants at all. Still, he bore himself as
proudly as a marshal of the empire
forgetting" as Paul enjoined, "those
things which are behind" d."-Belfdst
Journal.
The editor of the Portsmouth IN. H.
Chronicle has evidently been reading
his Bible. He says-The first regular
tramp of which we have any authentic
record was named Satan, who replied
to the question, 'Whence cOmest
thou ?" put to him by high authority,
'From going to and fro in the earth,
and from walking up and down in it,"
William sends a letter to this office
asking us to explain what is a depress-
ed currency. A depressed currency,
William. an awfully depressed one, is
the buttons found in church collection
basket.-PhiladeLphia Chronicle Herald
What's the use sitting all day in a
boat holding ten dollar fish pole and
line, to catch little half pound fish,
when salt mackerel, weighing pound
six cents p Whitehall Times
No wonder. "There are seventeen
sculptOrs and painters from the United
States now residing in Rome" read Mrs.
Bemls from the newspaper. "H'm !"
grunted Mr.. Bemis, 'sno wonder
couldn't get painter to whitewash that
she'd" Mrs. Benlis glOre an awful glare
at him. ROckland Courier.
How many really excellent jokes are
lost for want of proper appreciation.
Here, only few days ago, when the
Iowa excursionists went to Minneapolis,
young man sat up at the NicOllet half
an hour one night after his chum had
gone to bed, sewing the legs of the in
nocent sleeper's trousers together. He
sewed them strong, and laughed long
and silently after he went to bed, as he
pictured the scene in the morning.
When the morning dawned, he arose
with the glow of anticipation on his
face, and as it slowly faded away he sat
down on the side of the bed and defect
edly cut open the bottom of his own
carefully sewed trousers-legs, and when
his unsuspecting chum asked what he
was doing he sighed and said, sadly,
"Oh, nothing" And he wearily thought
how full of meanness was this base, de-
ceiving old wOrld.-BurlingtO Haauk-
eye.
The Detroit Free Press feelingly re-
marks, Nothing has so many ties bind
ing 1t to the earth as a railroad.n
'DO not marry a widower,n said the
old lady. "a ready-made family is
like a plate of cold potatoes "Oh,
I'll soon warm them oveI," replied the
damsel, and she did.
Tell us not in mournful numbers that
this life is but dream, when a girl
that weighs 100 gets outside quart of
cream, and then wants mOre.-E Elmira
Gdsette. Life is real, life is earnest, and
the girls know what they need, but on
cream they are the durndest set to show
their grit and greed. No encore =
Neac York NeicS. Let us, then, be up
and doing, with heart for any fate;
but never let us go a. wooing girls that
want second plate. How's that p
Ne.os6oy. But if her papa be wealthy,
and the ice cream man will trust, even
though it mayn't be healthy, let her
gorge till like to bust. Why not 7-Er.
Train up child in the way he should
go, and when he is sold he can't blame
you.-Boston Transcript.
If the Courier-Journal is not mistak-
en-, "a failure on the part of parents to
properly utilize the underground of the
country has done more to fit the present
generation for the penitentiary than
anything else under heaven"
The little Paul, aged eight, passes
the day at his uncle's. At the dessert
they serve the tart to the cream. "Ah,
my UNCLE" says the child, ''why didn't
you tell me this morning that there was
going to be pie for dinner ~ "Why 2"
$50 that l could have expected it all
day." replied the infant, passing his
tongue around his ears.
The head of the family read from the
paper: Terrible Accidental little bow
who had been given permission to 90
to the river on his birthday was
seated on the bank padding in the
water when there was pike rushed
Pie crushed !" shrieked the old lady
auditor; "poor little fellow /! and /
suppose he'd set his heart on it, too r'-
Yonkers Gazette. 80
Induction: Sylvia-''There go Uncle
George, and Aunt Mary, and the baby |!
What fuss they make about that baby
to be sure p Daisy-"People ALWAYS
make fuss about their first born. and
always have ever since the world be-
gan" Sylvia-''I don't suppose Adam
| and Eve mada n,nol f,n. - a 60. :,