Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1878-10-19

Home Circle.

HUSBAND whenever she SmellS SOne- |
hing stronger than water on his |
breath.
1t costs more to keep a woman |
than three dogs and a shotgun.
But she pays you back with in
giving you a house full |
of children to keep you awake at
nights and SINGER mOlasses candy |
on your Sunday coat.
Besides a wife is a very cOnven-
lent article to have about the house.
She is SO handy to swear at when
ever you cut yourself with the razor,
and don't feel like blaming your
self.
Woman is the superior being in
There being about sixty thousand
more of her sex than males in that
State.
This accounts for the terrified,
hunted down expression of the
single men who emigrate from the
East.
Woman was not created perfect.
She has her faults-such as false
air, false teeth, false complexion
and so ON.
But she is good deal better than
her neighbor, as she knows it.
Eve was a woman.
She must have been a model wife,
too, for it cost Adam nothing to
keep her in clothes.
Still. don't think she was hap
Ply.
She couldn't go to sewing circles
and air her information about every
body she knew, nor excite the envy
of other ladies by wearing her new
spring bonnet to church.
Neither could she hang over the
back fence and gossip with her
neighbor.
All these blessed privileges were
denied her.
Poor Eve! she's dead now.
And the fashion she inaugurated
is dead, also.
If it hadn't been for the confound-
ed "snaik," perhaps the ladies of
the present day would dress as eco
nOmically as Eve did.
But the only place where this
primitive style is emuIated is
in certain portions of Africa, where
the women consider themselves in
full dress when they have nothing
on but a postage stamp stuck in the
centre of their foreheads.
What beautiful example of sim
plicity of dress is shown some of the
followers of fashion by that domes-
tic animal, the catS which rises in
the morning, washes its face with
its right hand, gives its tail three
jerks, and is ready dressed for the
day.
Women is endowed with a ire
mendOus fund of knowledge, and a
tongue to suit.
She has the capacity for learning
everything she was divinely intend
ed to know, and a few extra items
beside.
Young ladies take a good deal of
stock in classics, and learn fast.
When you see a young lady stu
dent from Nassar, with an absorbed
look in her eye, and her lips rapid
ly moving, you understand at once
that she is memOriZing a passage
from Virgil.
But perhaps a larger inspection
will reveal the fact that she is only
chewing gum.
a waman may not be able to
sharpen a lead pencil, or hold an
umbrella, but she can pack more
articles in a trunk than a man can
into One-hOrSe wagon.
The happiest period of a Woman's
life, is when she is making her we'd
ding garments.
The saddest is when the husband
comes home late at night, and yeIls
to her from the front door steps to
throw him out a handful of key
holes of different sizes.
There are some real curiOsities in
! feminine nature.
For instance, once knew a young
lady who could easily pass another
| one on the street without looking
around to see what she had on.
Poor thing she was blind.
One of the worst habits a woman
can get into is Il ring habit.
But it is not much worse than
the modern walking-dress, which
ladies persist in wearing on the
street.
Whena woman approaches eros
sing she pauseS for one fleeing in
slant, gives a sudden kick that
would fire the envy of Mexican
mustang, land catches her train on the
fly.
There is no fun in kissing a
girl when you know you have got
to do it, and a crowd is standing by
to see fair play.
The best way is to lie in wait fol-
her, and jump out when she is not
expecting it; catch her round the
neck, knock her down, tear all the
gathers out of her dress, pull her
hand away from her face, have hel
cry, ooh dOn'tp' as you press your
lips to hers, then go off to a quiet
place and think about it.
The average age of woman is
about twenty-five years.
She never lives to be very old.
Some of them look as if they were
well advanced in years, but you
should not judge by appearances.
If you will take the trouble tC
ask a woman how old she is YOU
will get at the real facts of the mat
ter.
And discover that she is quite
young.
She seldom possesses her thir.
teenth year.
About which time she begins tC
tear out certain leaves in the family
Bible.
Scientific men are trying to ex-
plain why women can't throw
/ stones with the force and precision
| of the Sterner sex. /.
This is glaring nonsense.
Women may not be able to throw
stones with precision, but they can
hit the mark every time with a
grid-irOn, or a stick of stove wood.
Experience has taught me that.
Women, as general thing, are
very hard to manage. / know but
one way to keep a woman in check.
And that is to make her dress in
| bingham.
Rates of Postage, &C.