Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-03-08
LIGHTNING FLASHES.

There is probably nc better place in
all this world for studying human nature
than in a telegraphic ofice, says Mr..
Johnston, in a telegraphic volume Just
published, called Lightning Flashes. ;"
You are brought in contact with so omany
different people, made confdant of so
many important transactions, meet SO
many peculiar people, and see so many
strange messages passing over the wire,
that you feel as if from some loop-hole
of retreat you were viewing the world
shOrn of its shams and its pretenses.
Perhaps no class of men enjoy a good
joke better than telegraphers, and they
certainly often find in the ordinary
routine duties of their position many
dispatches calculated to provoke a smile
For instance, Massachusetts man re-
Gently telegraphed to his son:
L am dying, come Immediately,
which elected the very sympathetic re-
ply: "Can not come. Let me know
when you die"
A message was sent not long since to
doctor in this city, from the husband
Of one of his patients which read:
Please come down right away-wife
very ILL.," and fifteen minutes aferward
another, merely saying, "You need not
come. Funeral Tuesday,"
The following message addressed to
an insurance agent, recently passed
through the Western Union general
Office in this city
lave you received proofs of my death? They
were forwarded sixty days ago.
Per Mary Baird"
As the operators always follow copy, :"
and senders are often a little excited,
very queer messages are sometimes sent
for example, this one:
Cousin: Go for auntie. Father is
dying as soon as possible. "
An Irishman-Of course-in Palmer.
Mass, sent the following message to his
brother in New York
"YOr wife died yesterday. We will
wake her tonight. Come home. P.S.
Don't open this for two hours, so as
to prepare yourself fol the melancholy
news"
But the most laughable messages are
generally those from love-sick swains to
their sweet-hearts. A gentleman in the
South not long since telegraphed to his
afianced in Maine:
"Your life is rich bouquet of happi-
ness, yourself the sweetest flower. If
Northern winds whisper Southern wishes,
how happy you must bel Good night.
Happy dreams, sweet love-Frank."
The following message recently passed
through the Chicago office:
II lent you one year ago tonight $4.87.
you have not had it long enough, please
keep it one year longer" To this delicate
hint this answer was returned: "Had
forgotten it, and hoped you had. Let her
run another year."
Mr.. Beecher, years ago, when he was
but little known outside of New York or
Brooklyn, received telegram from a Y.
NJ. G. A. in the West, asking him to
come on and lecture for fame.
His reply created a hearty laugh in the
telegraph Office. 1t was:
" Yes; [ will lecture for F. A. NJ. E.
fifty and my expenses"
Operators occasionally encounter some
very strange people in the way of custom
ers. 1t is quite astonishing what crude
ideas many, even intelligent, people have
ofthe telegraph. A German once brought
message to one of the branch Offices In
this city for transmission. 1t was so In
distinctly written that the operator
couldn't read 1t, and asked to be en-
lightened. Hans studied it carefully for
some time, but couldn't make it out either.
After while, however, his face frightened
up, and he said:
"Oh, well, Just send it that way; he'll
und derstand.
A porter belonging to one of the city
hotels one night handed the operator a
message and a So bill. The operator
returned him the change, and was not a
little surprised to see him walk off with
both change and message.
CANT you going to have the MESSAGE
sent2" he inquired.
"Oh!" replied the porter, "I thought
you had sent it. supposed that all you
had to do was simply to look at it."