The Portland daily press., 1878-11-01
[Oil City Derrick.l
He Talked.

"Ahl I'm in luok," said Jones, as he entered
tbs barber shop and found the barber reading
paper; "won't have to wait for my next" aud
he tossed his hat into corner and seated him
self for a shave.
"Hew is ths?" said the barber, reading
from paper that marks its witty column with
a blue pencil; "by George, how's this? pretty
good take it," and he read
did you ever see pump handle anything?
Did you ever see witty cism2 Who ever saw
dog call her?' and the good barber laughed
heartily at these scintillations of wit, and said
some of them fellers are most blamed clever"
Then he turned to the yellow fever depart
ment, and, after reading three or four dis
patches, asked Jones If he thought the scouyge
would reach Oil City.
Jones said there was a possibility that IL
would get here by the middle of winter, and he
would like to be shaved before it arrived.
The barber said it was terrible thing,
yawned, laid down the paper and shufi ID up to
the chair He arranged the towels about Jones's
neck, felt his beard, run bis fingers through
his hair, scrutinized his chin and aszed him II
he had his tooth fixed in the oil regions Of Sew
York.
jones answered as best he could, considering
the barber still kept his lip aulsd down taut.
After examing the dental work on the tooth,
winch he unhestatingly pronounced "good
job." the barber let go of Jones's lip aud went
out to throw a stone at q dog that was barking
at a cat ia the back yard.
When he came back Jones said he would ike
to be shaved as quickly as possible, as he was
IN somewhat of hurry.
Certainly, certainly" said the barber, and
he spread the lather over Johes's face and be-
gan to hunt for razor. After examining sew
ersl he began to slap the strap with one, while
he remarked that fall had probably set 10 in
earnest, and that the base ball fever was about
as bad as ever, etc. Giving the razor one pull
down over the side Of Jones's face he wiped of
the blade laid 1t down, took up another exam
1ned its edge and whipped the strap with it as
before, asking Jones if he thought business was
really picking up any, and if he thought it
would rain.
Jones moved uneasily on the stocks, and
said he was sure there would be q storm, and
he wante Il to get shaved and have his NOUS
tache waxed before the flood came.
The barber grew pale around the IN )uth aud
his lips quivered. "You said that once BE-
FORE" he remarked curtly. "Don't say it
again, please or therell bs trouble Pm
gentleman when IN dealing with gentleman,
but know when Pm iusulted, sir.''
''Well, confound it ALL" exclaimed Jones,
very much out of patience, 81 came here to be
shaved, and not to be talked TO DEATH
COB, you want to be shaved, do vou?' ex-
claimed the barber in a rage. "YOu don't
want to be talked TO death, don't you? A bar
Der can't open his mouth, can's be? o, no, a
barber is doggoned machine, / suppose, aud
must move about his work like a woma 10 Iojun
ln front of cigar store? All right all rignt!
You shall be shaved aud have your moustache
waxed so blamed fast it'll msks your head
swmp'
And buckling down to his work he shaved
II mas N uvo m ard half nv ha fab
and cut him seventeen tim 5 oy actual Count.
Moial-Lst barber talk. 1t is cheaper than
to be kept away from business for two or three
days while you stop bleedlog.