, 1878-08-10
the SECRET OF COMMUNISM.
4 Humorous Tie,c OF the Causes.

Samson is said to have been an eminent
ancient trageiian, and in his last act Ger
tainlv brought down the house. In mod
ern times new element NJ tragedy, with
more hluster and less strength, has sprung
np. whose act is TO bring dowp the house.
In fact, their prime duty is TO demoliSh
the social and industrial structure, since
they cannot prosper until their fields of
labor are piled with ruins, and to revel
and subsist amid the level plains of de-
s!ruction.
The American commune, wanting IN
power, but not destitute in depravity, IS
now looked upon as formidable faction
in the northern and western cities. 1t Is
an element which really needs careful
watching and heroic treatment for 1t aims
at nothing less thar the subversion Of all
individual property, of all personal liberty
and responsibility, and the redistribution
of all the accumulated fruits of labor un-
der the most frightful of all despGtiSms,
the disposition of the mob America,
therefore cannot but share the apprehen-
sions of France and Germany. which, In
dealing with the sociaiistic problem, have
erappled one Of the earnest issues of the
dav. In the city of New York, where
this new party has approached the nature
Of decided organization, statistics show
that out of fifteen hundred communist
one thousand are beer drinkers. Here,
then, is the primoraial clue, if not the
real cause Of the commune in this
country. Let us fill nations schooner
and care not who runs the government"
might some wise seer have sad. and
rightly, TOO. IN peoples beverage is a
peoples heati;ude, and especially is this
true of race in the caloric cline and OF
bilious temperament. From time imme
mortal it has been held that the draught
Of the poor man and the drink of the
freedman was lager beer. 1t had grad
ual!y displaced the rich weeping of the
grape, which was both costly and heavy;
it had driven out the essencs of the still,
which was fiery and poisonous; 1t had
lived down the insidious cider, which
sourcd in its insipiency it he'd even sup
planted the pristine buttermilk, which is
heiieVed to hold in its creamy globnles
the very germs of poison ard is not the
only flowing competitor of that great first
draught, the ale that Adam quatfe,l. Beer
mc!ines people 10 corpulence Symhoiical
Of good nature Who ever heard of fat
man being william! They are the class
who, in the heat of life, preserve their
serenity and keep good counsels over.
The lagos, the Cassiuses and Ramsey
Sniffies Of history are not the fat, partly
sires Of the world, who eat their sweit2er
and quaif their book /; and even where
some Falstatf or Wardie's fat boy pops
ont with dangerous proclivities, they are
incaIacitatcd 10 execute heinous designs,
for all avid!ty IS drowned III avoIrdupois.
But hey4 IS new secret couched in q
deadly brt certain revelation. Lager
beer is tie cause Of sopmunism. IN the
bubbles 0f the malt are its startling seeds;
upon the clIngn@ hop vines grow the
great, @aGnt germs Of future v!lialny.
Can it indeed be true mast the great
national mug be shivered into smithereens
and must the prancing Pan, the god gcat
GambrinuS have his tail cut of and he
consgned, with the aocked polo ponies,
10 the ark of natural history The sub
iect is 4 painful one, the truth must be
reached though it lies at the bottom OF
beer keg. Whether these one thousand
New York communist drink the dregs or
the foam, whether in schOoners or in
mugs, whether up a straw or through
sister, or whether early or often, are mat
ters with which an investigating commit
tee and future historians have alone to
DO. At present we can bu. wait in thirsty
Ignorance and dry expectancy and spike
the foaming bung.