The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-02-21

Moody's work, and subsequently they went
to Great Britain together, where they made
their first great success.
Miscellaneous Paragraphs,
"Truth lies at the bottom of WE'LL"
We have often verified this by looking
down into we'll and seeing Truths hon
est contenance in the smooth water.
A politician who escaped from a burn
ing hotel, clad only in an undershirt and
pair Of socks, said it was the nearest he
had ever come to taking nude depar-
Ire.
An astute Freshman reasons as follows:
"Things equal to the same things are
equal to each other. An idiot is human
being. A man is human being; ergo,
man is an idiot.
The Fulton street barber did not visit
the cat show. He says: II don't like
cats for the same reason don't like Ger
tain kinds Of stoves-on account of their
dam purrs."
A Scotch schoolmaster having repeat
edly and at last angrily demanded of the
pupils "Who signed Magma Chartaa"
a little girl tremblingly replied, "Please,
If 1t was ma me-"
A would-be-s suicide wrote these fare
we'll words to his wife; "Dear Mary,
when my bouy is dragged out of the
river they can identify it by the linen
patch you put in the scat of my black
cloth trowsers."
An exchange says that new way Of
fastening on ladies' hats is to bore the
tops of their ears, put in gold hoops and
have the hat-strings tied through them.
Thus, step by step, we tread the pathway
to perfection, and ere the darkness of
death envelopes all the world man will
have utilized his nose in holding up his
pants or pulling on his boots.
| As an illustration of the deplorablc ten
| dency of this age to the use of ''slang,"
we quote the following from the cerbatim
report OF an Omaha Judges charge:
"Plaintiff seems to have got the bulge on
the defendant; jury, please take notice"
! When Longfellow was presented to Mr..
Longworth, Of Cincinnati, the latter re-
marked: "There is no great difference
in our Names" EYES," replied Mr.. Long
fellow, but ao0rth makes the man, the
want of it the fez!ou.'
Boston Bulletin: Scientists say that
lineage of iron is approaching its close,
and that steel will eventually take its
place. The scientific gentlemen are a
little slow; we have been in the midst of
the age Of steal for some time.
| Lady lNtlticent dc Lountchesney--" Give
you an old pair of my boots for your
daughter, Mrs. Smithers2 Well ye-es--
but I'm afraid they won't fiji" Pew Opener
-" No fear Of that, my lady. My gal
has feet like an elephant. London Fan,
Norristown Herald: The butter head
woman is now making life size bust of
Lady Godiva. Mrs. Godivas only ward
robe, according to the pictures we have
seen, was her long hair, ana Mrs. Brooks
should have no difficulty in procuring
butter Of that description.
Let no one hereafter insinuate that
teachers institutes produce no good. At
the late Bucks County institute fair
haired, blue-eycd darling Of a teacher Of
the female persuasion forever demolished
the base insinuation by the following
conundrum: GLOW do you make Maltese
cross?' "Tread on her tail.'
A Bangor man who had paid particular
attention to teaching his children polite
ness had surprising experience f the
results few days ago. An old friend
had dropped in to dinner, whom the chill
dren had never seen. Pork steak was
served for dinner, Of which one of them
was very fond, and as the friend was help
ed to a goodly slice the little fellow
spoke: otis very hard case to sit here
and see the largest piece of lean 60 into
a strangers plate"
"You don't neber hear of nobody fall
ling on me, does you?" Mot rs I re-
member on" I'm course you don't.
Why? Cause has been right down fine
on business principles ebcr since the
crash of 81. Now, Misser White, look
me in de eye while I tell you dat de
proper way is to keep your eyes rollin'
around dc business horizon. If you owes
firm and dat firm is shaky, don't pay
dat debt, but wait till dey fail. If q firm
is shaky and owes you, sit on de doah
step till you get lie money. Now, go
long wild your whitewash."
Hartford { Ct) Courant: A few days
ago, in one Of the most careful house,
holds in this city, where tenders guard
the fireplace and safety matches aggra-
vate the strange visitor, smoke was discov-
cred in room adjoining the one where
the family were at breakfast. 1nvesti-
cation showed that chair in the room
was burning. How it could have taken
fire was a mystery, until it was noticed
that the sums rays, falling on large
magnifying lens, used to study photo
graphs with, had been concentrated
through it. upon the chair, and had set it
burning. If the family had not FORUM
ately selected for breakfasting an hour
when the sun is pretty near the zenith,
and SO prudently fixed it to have some
one in the room at that dangerous time,
the whole house might have been my
seriously destroyed.
One OF our young men who visited Eu-
rope short time since stepped ashore at
Liverpool with beard the growth of the
voyage, long hair, and looking and feel
ing decidedly rusty generally. He at
once repaired to the nearest barber-shop,
and having entered, said to the native ar
fist in charge, Il want you to shave me,
cut my hair, brush me up, and make a
good looking man of me-" The barber
looked the young man over for moment,
and very deliberately remarked, "Hi can
shave thee, aud hi can cut thy air and