The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1878-04-09
THE MAN WITH A LIVER.
The Hawkeye- Man Runs Across Fell
low with His Liver ont Of Order.
PnrdatkeSa Rai1rnnd Letter.

mopolitan." He sat with me at dinner,
and didn't seem to have much appetite.
He groaned when he took up the bill of
fare, and sighed as he looked across the
table at my order, and then shook his
head dolefully and told the waiter to
bring him little boiled trout with egg
sauce, bit of boiled mutton, with
caper sauce, some roast beef tritic rare,
Just taste of roast lamb, turkey with
cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, roast
duck, some pork and beans, Boston style,
stewed tomatoes, corn, turnips, squash, a
bitof cold tongue, some sharp relish and
cup of coffee. Then he ordered some
assorted cake, cranberry pie, Indian pud-
ding and ice cream for desert, and said
he felt darned sight more like dying
than eating. Es@
If he dies as well as he eats, Just
imagine, just think, what glorious, tri-
umphant death that man will die. 's.
Shortly after dinner the poor man
came into the coach and sat down oppo-
site me. 'ee-, e~asT.f5F2Sesa# .s
e'fAh," he said, with deep groan, N
don't know what | wouldn't give if /
could eat like YOU. Z ." r.
"Sir". I said, in a fine burst Of indig-
nation, for I feared he was going to .ac-
cuse me of swallowing my. knife every
time l took bite of pie, and I just made
up my mind that I would cut his heart
out if he limited at such thing. {
ooh, it's a fact" he replied; 81
haven't enjoyed meal for Yeas" !'r
"Was it possible?" l asked in amaze
ment. " '--
"Indeed yes," he said. "Pm all out
of fix. I've no liver at all, to speak Of"
didn't suppose one liver would be Of
any account to him. I rather thought
that if he could get coupleiof gangs of
livers and work them by reliefs, they
might be, able to help along, especially if
he had them made Of tin. But then he
was stranger to ME, so didn't feel
justified in making the suggestion.
"No," he continued, "my liver is no
more account than lump of lead. l
suppose" he said plaintively, it's asbig
as four of yours"
And he looked at me with an appeal
ing glance, as though he expected me to
take my liver out and let him examine
it, as though it were an oroide watch he
wanted to trade for.
Now, if there is anything in this wide,
beautiful world that will make me mad,
it is to have a man who is ailing
sit down and bore me with a list of his
diseases and detailed description of his
anatomical arrangements. And the men
of free America, it seems to me, would
rather talk about their perishing livers
than their never-dying souls, and it
always makes me mad for man
to come at me and burden me with COM
plants about the torpidity of his liver,
as though I were his physician. I am
proud to confess to the blindest. densest
ignorance concerning my own inner life.
l don't know whether my liver is round
or shaped like a gun-case, and I don't
know where it is, and / don't care con-
tinental, although 1 always had the i'm,
preston that it was just under the shout.
der blades. So l said to the man with
very great enthusiasm:
"Oh, do tell me all about your liver
I should 50 like to know all about it.
am so interested in Such things"
The man seemed little surprised at
my sudden enthusiasm, but he said there
WASH tmuch to tell about it. 1t was al
torpid, he said, as snake in December
"Oh, charming, charming!" I ex
claimed. "And is it tame? Do you
let it run around loose or do you have tx
keep it chained up?"
The stranger stared, and looked a:
though he would like to sit littl,
further away. He said he didn't just
exactly understand me.
"And how is your spleen?" I asked
eagerly, and your ventricles? And dc
tell me about your thoraic duct, and how
do you get along with your tonsils? Anc
have you raised any new bones since
saw you last; and when did you heal
from your diaphragm? Do tell me all
about all your viscea; make a clinic Of
yourself, and tell me the Christian
names Of all your bones and the appurte
nances thereunto appertaining. Tel
me-"
But he got up and slowly backed out
Of the Car, and the conductor shortly
afterward told me that the man with .
liver told him that the man who escaped
from the asylum at Jacksonville last
week was in the rear coach.