Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1878-12-25

: ALL SORTS.
JOHN ROACH ID said y be the greal
American free lunch 6end, =
Il No VICES are 20 incurable q tAosl
: which men arc apt to glory IN. 4
II A NEW town in Idaho has besn naned
Onegirlia, because there h one girl theys
} "SIR," said tady to 4 would-be wag,
"your Jokes always put mo in mind Of !
! sphere" "Of . sphere, madaml Why
20, pray?" !" Because they never hay1
any point" -,
i THE Free Pres thinks that " A soft
answer turneth away wrath" II ! man
says you are liar, answer him kindly:
go are you" and zee how his wrath
will disappear. 'f
"THK cian in grammar will pisaso
stand up answer this qnestion-How do
you parse the word dollar?" " Please,
ir, If it's trade dollar, you pare It fer
ninety.fve cents"
A LITTLE boy was shown the picture
OF the martyrs thrown to- Che liens. He
startled bis friends BY shouting: - Nal
O, ma! Just look 1t that poor little
lion way back there. He won't get
any" $3.50 ...,.t 4,-a
"SIR," said weary tramp to TIE 20
tleman who stands behind The counta
at the Barrett House; "SiE, / am . 10.
cial conundrum." aThen," aid Bel,
pointing sadly toward tho door, " then.
never more be guessed Of mine.-Bsw-
linaton Hasckcye.
A TOWN father in an English munici.
pality having worried the other msn-.
bers of the council past al endurance to
get them to appoint town crier, 10 bs
furnished with . red gown and . bell,
the exssperated rulers Of the burgh
unanimously elected him to the position
ON the Allan steamahipa the bed-pil-
lows are ife-preservers that can be
securely attached to the person in les
than half . minute. The material with
which the pillows are stuffed is al light
and soft as feathers, while its floating
power is considerably greater than that
of cork.
NEARsIGHTED MrA McCaferty, point
ing her index finger 1t an owl hanging
up, asks: How much for that turkey?"
Marketman--"T That ID not q turkey.
madam; that is an owl?" Old lady,
energetically-" don't care . -- how
ole he is, how much for that bird ?"-
Voacked for By ne Lesciston Gdsstts.
The Sunday school scholar may still
INCREASINGLY toll ON with the problens
in his catechism, and yet limpon the an
swer to the first question; but give him
. fair chance at one session of Z circus,
and If he can't sing the choruses Of al
the clowns songs and whistle the air to
first part he is not American.-BsvliMg
ton Hawkeye.
"THE price of wife among the Sioux
Indians is twenty ponies. And when
the young brave has won the girl and
got her fathers consent At ruling rates,
and the only thing that remains il to
plank down the ponies, he sits down and
sometimes occupies nearly awhole night
thinking whether he had better steal the
ponies from bis own father or the girfA
He generally steals them from his pros
pective Observation-Disclosures Hask-
eye.
TIE Rev. J. Cook has made his debut
in New York, but does mot appear TO
have inspired the reporters with Inuch
awe: One says: The Rev. ]. Cook il
. man with an agricultural face, heavy
trunk, bulging stomach, shrunken leg,
and splay feet. He arrsnges hi features
in startling waya and often assumes I
peculiar expression of countenance -
he proceeds with his remarks. He ap-
pears to have seen at least 46 yesfs, and
to feel the weight of over two hundred
pounds It cannot b said that his
clothes fit his frame with neatnen and
IA
Bon BuRDErrE observes: @Do you
think" writes young student Of human
edo you think the human race
10 decayingf" Not ct oil, not at III.
Part Of II Int decaying because II Il yst
alive, and the portion Of it that ID dsad
doesn't decay because tho medical stu
dent don't give it . chancea On, no, The
human race was never, in all history, 20
we'll protected against decay = at pre-
ent. Be thankful that you nve IN n
lge when the grave has been % shosn Of
its power that Il can't hold nan %
long q sieve wauld hold spoonful of I,
4uickilver. Z
REAMUR relates the following anecr
dote, Of which he was q witness: a
queen bee and some Of her attendants
we're apparently drowned IN . brock.
Hs tOok them out Of the swater, md ,
were quits d16d. R1a,nur e.. 4
posed them 70 . gentle hpAt ~ which
they werc revived. The pl66iAn bsee
first. The moment they ~
highs Of animation 1n-g 4ussnEthey
approached her and besteW6d Qnslnla1i u.
The care in their power hcking Al RIB