The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-03-29

Who's not too high. Sir,
To sigh and die, Sir,
For Eny womAn's love, day sitter day.
ODDS and Ends.
When Milwaukee girls ears are to
be bOren the work is let by contract.
What Is all this complaint aboat
hard times, anyhow Here are Wo-
men In Hartford earning twelve cents
. day making cOrsets.
A negro teamster in Nashville de-
clares that he must either give up
driving mules or withdraw from the
church, the two positions being Incom-
patible.
Every one can do something to ele-
vate society ; even the girls can refuse
to kiss the young man who refuses
to clean his teeth. - Wenona (Ill.
Index.
"What will the present year bring
forth P" asks an exchange. Bring
fourth of July, of course.-Fulbon
Times. Bring April, foOl.-BostOn
Commercial Advertiser.
Francis Murphy is said to have made
IL, 900 converts while in Washington,
all of whom signed the pledge, 1t is
not mentioned whether there were any
senators among them.
Mrs. Wasp, of Canandaigua, at
tempted suicide tho other day. She
Wasp poor in pocket, and cOuldn't
stand the stings of poVerty.-N. Y.
Mail.
Diamonds are getting out of fashion,
and soon there will be nothing to dis
tinguish q Niagara hackman from
the ordinary capitalist.-BuffalO Ex-
press.
"mum" socials in Maine as valuable
auxiliaries to the church. Ten cents
hug, or three for twenty-five cents
Economy suggests three.
The art of cutting and polishing dia-
mends that has so long been monOpo-
LIKED by Amsterdam, experts, has
been brought to the new world, and
is now successfully practized by young
women in Boston.
The sultan-HNow, Allah be prais-
ed this is my long lost brother =" The
czar-"by the tail of the knout, this is
indeed my wandering relative J" They
hug each other as long as they can
bear i'll
"Wen, I swan, Billy" said an old
farmer to an understood nephew who
was visiting him, "when you take of
that ERE plug hat and spit two or three
times there amt much left of you, is
tn :"-Breakfast Table.
One of the grandest sights we ever
beheld was Theodore Tilton, the other
a ID
fore an apple stand, while a dark-eyed
with a pint of peanuts.--BroOklyn
Eagle.
A correspondent says it is amusing
to see how many ''Mrs. Proudies" there
are in Washingt IN. "Many nice little
wives" says the same writer, "and
good, PLAIN methods are spoiled by 6
taste of gayety in our Republican cap
ital."
A mothers last words to her son
who ia about to go to college: 'Re-
member your father, boy; and fight
bravely. Better perish q brave man
thaa survive q coward. And If you
fall you fall you shall have the incest
funeral In town. Princeton Review
A philosopher says, eve learn &c
climb by keeping our eyes, not on the
hills behind Us, but on the mountains
that rise before u.s." The Worcester
Press says: "Another good way is to
take q couple of rods the start and try
to beat an enthusiastic bulldog over 3
nine foot back yard fence."-Bostor
Globe.
An indianapolis lawyer has invent
ed an opera-glass which enables the
one holding Il to see the audience tC
right or left OF him without turning
about and rudely leveling 1t in either
direction.
A man In Hartford had his ear at 8
telephone, Sunday, when there was q
fash of lightning, and he received q
severe shock, so that his hearing was
affected all day and Is not all right yet
The wire at the other end was entirely
burned.
The telephone Is the reverse of the
telephone; by using il you can avoid
hearing q chatterbox not foot distant.
and eats may howl all night on your
ridgepole without your knowing it.
Even your neighbor's cornet becomes
tnnoxiouss and the hand organ loses its
sting.
Our Jim in the wild extravagance Of
his youth says he will never marry any
girl who doesn't wear satin undeFskirts
and silk stocking. This is pretty toney,
coming from q boy of James caliber,
but we had some idiotic ideas OF thai
sort once ourself. Now the most daz-
zling hope that urges us to struggle on
L. that we may be able to secure fan
mel underskirts fer our wife and cot
ton socks for ourself. - Pittsburg
Leader.
A long time ago Henry A. Wise,
then governor of Virginia, perpetrated
matrimony. The venerable Dispatch
prited the notice, with the scriptnral
quotations added, $50 thou and do
like WISE" A nice young man, who
also boarded where also did John 3,
Thompson, former parter of Edgar
Allen Poe, seeing the paragraph and
the ripple OF smiles in those who read
IL, ran away TO breakfast, sure Of hav-
ing story that wonid make Thomp-
son pale, Scarcely was coffee poured
when he began, Married at" etc.
and after mentioning the name Of
Wise, said, with an awful wink at the
young ladies', s'NoW, you go and do so
too" Nobody laughed, and the glrlt
only seemed 90 think him rude. The
youth glared at Thompson, as IL he
Was in some sort the cause of his fall
ure, and said, '.Tt was q good story
when read It, only somehow ie does
seem flae now. But IL he told it, III
bet you'd all laugh fit to kill your.