Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-05-16
A PUNSTER FIEND AT LARGE.
The whole United States Fearfuily
Cut Ub.

LIE hHole tnIteu States FearIullY
Cut Up.
met him in the cars on nv way
from Albany to the Star office one day
last week. He was pleasant-looking
old man, and his better-half sat beside
him. The car was as full as an election
day politician, and | was compelled to
take a seat Immediately in front of the
happy couple. There was something
about him, however, that made me ieel
sorry right away. He had more talk
in him than school boys head has of
something else, and l hadn't fairly
settled before he began to unload some
of it:
"Nice day.
Beautiful I"
Fearful road"
Fearful"
Here was small opening for him,
and he got the wedge in. Oh! if I'd
only made believe 'thwas deaf and
dumb. .....
"Ive travelled al over this country,
and L never saw worse roads in all my
life. Why, the road over the Rocky
Mountains amt half so rough"
Summit BETTER" responded.
He looked at his companion, whom
he called Minnie, winked, and said:
Funny man Wonder who it's,
Looks like Mark Twain"
Then he paused, and Just as l was
bracing up and endeavoring to put on
a Twainish look, he continued by say
ing:
g Around the feet"
This made me mad.
( You've been all over the United
States, have you? Then of course
you New York. How is he getting
along ?"
ooh he Kentucky way as much
whisky as ever"
Much Florida, in consequence, I
suppose" [ suggested.
Utah thought so if you'd seen him
when [ did" .....-
Here the passengers began to look
worried, and one of them asked the
conductor how far it was to the next
station. Another ventured that maybe
we weren't going far
eyes," continued the old party, "the
tried he make love to Minnie when saw
him last"
ARIZONA foolin'," blushingly re-
marked the old woman.
Minnesota liked it, didn't shew |
asked and gave him a look that init
mated that [ guessed that would settle
it.
q You mustn't call her Minnie. 1t
makes her mad. She'd have Georgia if
she'd heard you. She Kansas back
whenever she wants to-"
IF it Illinois her, of course I'll re-
frain," [ answered.
Here one of the passenge-s was car
ried out to the rear platform, and nine
tenths of the others were tearing the
lining out of their coats for wadding to
put in their ears.
:: Perhaps Iowa an apology" I con-
tinued.
No, [ guess not" he said, without
moving an eyelash. 1T Texas English
people to understand folks. / don't
a Montana thing, Tennessee-sary."
l felt for my pistol. At this moment
the cars stopped at station, and most
OF the passengers got out and waited
for the next train. The majority had
their heads tied up.
l was determined to fight it out to
the bitter end, if it took every state III
the Union. AS the train moved out of
the station, the conductor came up and
asked me to keep still for Gods sake
He said the wheels were getting weak,
and the coal had refused to burn. The
passengers had all departed to the other
cars, with the exception OF six. [ here
looked determined. They were not
even pale, was satisfied to give it up
if he was. Just as had made up my
mind that the whole thing was set
tied
"Ohiow yawned the fend, "I'm
getting tired of this journey"
[ think it has been very pleasant.
Wouldn't Michigan for 500. Jersey?"
Without noticing the last query he
said: "Hope We'll meet again.
Nevada pleasanter time. Hope l Maine
never have a worse"
AT this point one of the passengers
fell off his seat. He died in few
minutes. Before the conductor could
get to the water tank another one had
breathed his last. Two of the remain
ing ones were staring at each other,
and it was found that they had both
gone crazy. The remaining two were
deaf and dumb. 1 grasped my valise
as the train reached Jersey city, and
started for the boat. As I was passing
out of the door the fiend yelled after
me:
Yes, New York and New Jersey
and New Hampshire, I've Rhode Island
Connecticut, Idaho-le lot of land in
Colorado. | Missis The doctor
says shall be better in week or So"
~ Y Stna