The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-10-17
Smile.


Green corn is in season. Applause
by delighted physician. Ear ear y
-BuHagt0n HawkeVe.
1t was Massachusetts tramp who,
when caught stealing watermelons, said
that he was in favor of greenbacks.
A Colorado girl, Miss Eunice Stone,
always kisses the editor she visits. Oh
Eu-nice Stone.-Keohuk Constitution.
Kearney and Butler continue to
cahoot," according to the Springfield
Republican. Cahoot is very express
i've word.
els Satan married ?" asks an ex-
change. No. He is a stingy, immoral
old bachelor, and pens lying paragraphs
about mother-in-laws, in order 10 scare
young men away from matrimony.
The London correspondent of the
Chicago JonrRal speaks Of lady who
has named her carriage horses He'll "
and Damnation." They must be
fiery steeds.-Joilet, Ill.,, Republican.
A Disguised and disconsolate editor
thinks that the proper time for young
lady to marry is after she has counted
up her cash and found that she can
support herself in case her husband
should become a newspaper man.
A Irishman waited at the cardinals
table in Dublin, on n Friday, when
there were seventeen courses of fish.
" Bedad," he exclaimed, if that's
what we call fastin. it's meself that
could stand Lent all the year round"
The following is the Chinese version
of Mary and her lamb:
Was gal name Moll had lamb,
Flea all samee white snow;
Evly place Mol gal w'lkee
Ba Ba hoppee long too.
An old Irish soldier who prided him
self upon his bravery said he had fought
in the battle of Bull RIM When
asked if he had retreated and made
good his escape as others did on that
famous occasion, he replied: Be
jabers, those that didn't run are there
Wit r'-RocbeSier Union.
" You want to brake on this road, do
you Well, you can sit down there.
We have no vacancy Just at present (;
but we kill about two brakemen day,
and | dare say in few minutes L shall
hear Of some one losing an arm or leg,
and then you can have the job" The
man thought he would not wait.
Hornv-handed son of a hod-carrier
(lou -" Share all the money equally,
that's what l say" Wife of same
"And plat would We do wild your share,
Michael O'Shannessey 2" "Spind it
like brick, ye ould fool" And
phat would you DO Them " Share it
all over agin, av course hand me
down that pipe.
When people see a tall man at a
church sociable sitting on low has
sock and trying to hold a plate of cake,
a saucer of ice cream and cup of
coffee in his lap, they knit their brows
and think'there is n mistake somewhere
and that young mans knees should
have been made like beavers tail, flat
as shingle, eight inches wide and
turned flat side up.
At matrimonial agency in Paris:
" We have just the thing you want
an orphan of twenty next grass.
Pretty o.
Mono, not exactly"
Worth 2"
HALF million francs, in govern
mentS. Then she Is consumptlVe.
Consumptivo, eh Well, that's al
ways something. Perhaps, however,
you are only exciting my hopes to-
" Sir, the house always guarantees
its goods to be as represented.
We have received poem by "Ophe-
liza which places us in a rather embar-
RAISING position. Ophelia says: kiss
no one but me, darling. Kiss no one
but me: And vow as live, I'll kiss
no one but thee" This proposition
is fair enough, certainly. But we have
never seen "Ophelia." Her lines are
not accompanied by her photograph as
guarantee of good faith. She may
have red hair, celestial nose, and poor
teeth. We might be hugely sold if we
were to swear off indulging in oscula-
tory exercises with the fair sex in gen
eral, and kiss no one but Ophelia. Be-
sides we are married. and our wife
would probably not give her consent
to such an arrangement. "Ophelia"
had better apply to some other shop
A0rriSto,cn Pa Herald.
The follow ing story of an unpardon-
able pract teal Joke on a trustful Young