davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07
Mendacious Tombstones.

One day, says Morris, having missed
the up-train, amused myself by a
search for local curiosities, and found
one, an elderly laborer, whom 1 asked
for a light. He was going to work in
the cemetery close at hand, which, from
the inscription over the gateway, / Saw
was under the management of a limited
liability company. It was very pref
tily arranged place. giving one the no.
ton that the Limited Company had
said to themselves, "The prettier we
make it, the more you'll like to be bur-
led here" This plan seems to have
met with astonishing success; for, by
my informants accounts the cemetery
had been in existence only a year and
half, and on the testimony of my own
eyesight, it is already quite half full of
clean white tombstones, regular as a
good set of teeth. Flourishing con-
Germ, thisT' I said, interrogatively, to
the grave-digger. The old fellow, who
having received "the price of pint u
had suddenly become very confidential,
winked and shook his head. "NoT'
returned, replying to his panto.
mime. "No," said he; then after
a pause, as if the secret had
been weighing upon his conscience
for some time past, and the price of the
pint had fetched it out of him, he added
"Them's dummies" Seeing I didn'i
catch his meaning, he continued, evi
IDENTIFY pitying my simplicity, /" Dunn
mics to catch the public, them is
There's the railway in full view. Gent
passing sees the name up; then the,
looks at the tombstones fFlourishinii
concern that they say to one another
must be paying WE'LL they says; thel
they send to say they'll take so man,
shares; and p'raps, arter all, i" he finishes
with grim chuckle, :" they comes, an,
goes into the concern as sleeping part
ners themselves. So it isw And off h
trudged.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07

The Rev. Mr.. c., q Stirling. re-
marked to one of his hearers that he
had heard he was about to be married
for the third time. The reverend gentIe-
man added: They say, John. You're
getting money with her; you did 50 ON
the last two occasions; you'll get quite
rich by the wives" "Deed. sir.n
quietly responded John, "what wi,
bringin' them in, and putin then, out,
there's nae muckle made O. Them,
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07
ArTEn rnB BALL, FoUR a. M.
By GEORGE z. EAGLES.


Wen, Pm home, the excitement is over;
In slippers, with fragrant cigar,
lam thinking hew near came missing
Ny seat in the homeward-bound car.
am thinking Of bright eyes and waltzes,
OF polkas, cotillions, quadrilles,
OF the pull backs and laces and founees,
OF beauties In satins and frills.
] am thinking, ali, yes, am thinking
OF the lass with pearls in her hair,
OF the lips that seemed ever enticing,
That seemed to say, o, # you darei
OF waist that is graceful and slender,
OF cheeks with the boom Of the rose,
! OF neck like swans in its contour,
A head like goddess in pose.
And I think Of hand gloyed and dainty,
That nestled in mine, and q thrill
That cannot describe fills my pulses
And foods o'er my bosom until
] can scarcely conceive its soft meaning,
And words like the COO of dove
Echo round me and set my head swimming;
Confound 1t, I'm almost in Lowell
Ye. It can't be, I've seen as fair faces,
Pre heard Just such music before,
And from lips Just as red and as witehing,
That spoke just as lovable lore.
have clasped waists as slender and graceful,
I've kissed cheeks as fresh and as fair,
] have seen pearls as pure In their cleaning
As those in her silken brown hair.
Yes, but somehow that dizzy Blue Danube,n
The supper, the lights and champagne.
And her smiling, bright eye, her sweet whisper
And the way she handled that train
With my love-hardened heart played the mis-
chief,
Til scarcely knew what to do,
'Pon my soul can't tell Dh1ts the matter,
And wouldn't she laugh If she knewl
have whirled through the dance in gay Paris,
Pve walked up the gilded salon
With their white, jeweled hands on my coat
sleeve,
q Mid glances and smiles of the toni
i have schottisched and galloped and polka'd
From gardens of Spain 10 the Rhine,
I've pledged Fraulien, Nam n'selle and Sonora
In many cup OF good wine;
But the lass with the pearls in her tresses,
took into supper last night,
With the cheeks like pair of blush roses
And eyesso bewitchingly bright;
Seemed full sweeter and fairer than any
Sonora, Mam'selle or Fraulien;
Aye, than any OF all the sweet lassies
II kissed meath the mistletoe's green.
Why, God bless her fair face, 'twas her debut!
She said she was just seyenteeni
And her ways were 80 artle5s and wltching-
A bona-fde, thoroughbred queen.
But, there now, have no more of this nonsensel
To bed or your brain will get fixed
On 3 school girl; well, hang me If ever
felt 30 internally mixed.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07

a piece of feminine frippery was that
grim old warrior, described by Byron as
half demon and half dirt 1t is, how
ever, on record, that Field Marshal
Suwarro, Prince 1talinski, already wear
ing all the decorations that Russia and
Austria could give him, still hankered
curiously after the garter, and pestered
his mistress to get it for him, for he used
to write to Catherine: Majesty, my
legs are getting old, and my stockings
require holding up; they want a garter. !"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07

LAWYER LATHRoP, of Massachusetts,
saws: "H / die from the bite OF . dog
why should 100, 900 homes be deprived
of the protection Of thedogr Certainly,
Mr.. L.; your death would 1ot be Of the
slightest Importance. Let the dogs live,
if that is all.-Courier Journal
THE question of a general European
war may we'll fright the continental na,
tions from their equanimity, but what
would be their terror if they saw fore
cast, as we do, in the warm mists OF the
coming spring, the opening OF another
baseball season. n.-P biladclphsd Post.
TIE golden light Of sunset
| Shines on the corn-helds round,
| And the breeze, as 1t passes over,
Makes sweet, rippfng sound. 60
The beee and saws are buzzing
Down in the lumber mill,
| While astride of the old mares uupper
| 'S' Nv -Poaghhepsse TslssrepA
In the shimmering Of the twilight
The skeeter doth appear,
And eyes the end Of the n,aiden's ness
WIN ' -Nsw Yors Eprss.
In the dark and solemn midnight
Ard he Ss sisspssis ssi sWsSss 3 md nd sentchs,
Swearing ikea angry Turk.
-Noristosrs Hsrah.
How is it that man will bolt glass
. of whisky in just half the time 1t takes
} him to bolt his bedroom door f-NelC
York Ners. Probably because ne bolts
the whisky first. Some men can't even
!. find the bed room dsor after boltiug q
: big glass of whisky. So we've been in.
: formed -NorristoiOp Herald.
A CORRESPONDENT asks, what is the
> best method of feeding cattle in winter
We don't exactly know. One mar
might. prefer to take the OK in his Lar
= tand feed him with q spoon. Other'
i, would bring him into the diAing- room
5, and let him sit at the table with the ole
e folks. Tastes differ in matters of thi
kind.-Nsp London Telegraph.
A. -
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07
THE VOICE OF THE PRESS.

Tins department of our paper is intended to give
the comments of the most intelligent journals,
American and European, upon all questions Of pub
lie interest. The editor of this journal does not
inderse the sentiments expressed in every parHcu-
lar but presents the topics quoted worthy Of gen.
eral attention,1
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07

THEY have ss mush socials" in Cleye-
land, and vast quantities of boiled mush,
cold mush, fried mush, mush patties,
mush omelet, mush pudding, etc., are
disposed Of.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07
EVERYDAY sPIGERIEs.

!, ...va.1,. f1-,.,b;.
,u. ALI ali 4hs.e th. attant;on sn of Neal Dow to
,m. th;s e' P,,Sah Az E1nress
s'',s. g. y - - - saadss+ a. ;nc;darta of the
~ 49, ONs VI a1 s ssr-;sra Was the Pr;nce
~ M. MsaL,.yyh,,-o ry Sc6werin. = Ch;oaoo
u M..,..ss m.'
na.,,r [ .,r;la man when he IA down.
-. uUJ , 's mo,,1 r,;IInw "a down. Won can
a..;,s uus H. ;f Won are sleenv-- Cfnc;nnafi
s1liAe 1ll.eJa s.ay M:a{t = =. :. = :
odeu'''ay 1''y''s. q yU;,, A..
In reply 70 t9o ess.,on, y, y v!l.sr = - .no
coming man Do paia tne NoIli5oown I.,Ol 8,
Herald ainrms unat No genelally
when ne nrst comes
TT will never do to let woman vote,
m =. -I..iS =. S:- S.eSss .i.at;o- A.,
lney WouiQ ule Ucioxo otccttoh uay
irving to find out the color OF the other
-ss.t,,7. hoJIota Rax,s S,,4;s,>y
party ~ DoiAo - - -ses'S -s1sS >>ss
IT was because be could not tell lie
that Washington confessed that be was
tiab W ~. c- -, -,
the father OF his country, Dull III Was
telriDiy nsl'i' -'o"'.
A CINCINNATI son-ln,laW Is entnuEas
tic for 9 society 1or tne clsmas!on q
women, ana ne agrees Ds...3.. - i11n,sn naacs
specimen at .,e,s''' 2, ''s'
GIVE us tne aoliais OF our La;S 9lms
tne prign.s H,sys stc - n NJ e-s..s,, -s,xs
Ano, mina y9u, gafe y ors;n. ers = for :" them
got sicA anu s.aeJ = y "o. Ae 80 -
81. LOUIS 1o'4'Has' s.l....5r.ss....-
CERTAIN neWspaPels nave pSen uolnS
their utmost 70 preluolGe We II G1Sa. a.
American puDnc aga1nss Leo 49, ~ ~
printing wooacu.s o. 1s na@ plepaleu WIN
a natcnet.-OnseugJ : ases. .h.,,t =, r,r-
a siEAsSsn WY Tas s ptad
chase q 6unaing 10y IN Danpuly, "aIsTu hss,
.ne ueeu mae ,t~rs uts = as act;on x sh hv Mrs
Gs;nas S of ou;s;anss- -Gr0rh;c
~ por.ro burs are budding out,
We see the hopper,s ftful gleam.
Ans nov me ,tSig SGy faa bis nstiys Siqeam
And now the bluebird chsuts iay.
And robins twitter in the sS tree. A..
| A1S Gonas ps Anssins :, an n the baimy breeze:
The ground fog issues from bis hgle
And brovses on r. the % corn. E poor tn'ns--
1Srs AZ Sarbinsss SmSaS = vi Of earl tesriy spring.
--S Loals Journal.
JOHN CHINAMAN always substltates
an "l" for "r" in his Meiican speecn.
Such a linguistic lascal ought not 70 Dc
allowed to live on such .iations as rye
bled and lice In the land OF tne nea.-
Graphic.
| IF boy is sent to clear the snow from
a sidewalk, he gets !" crick IN the
Lacks" but he can put IN zen nouIs
work building 2 snow lott, ana grow
because the days are MOI io1ee-
Berkshire Courier.
|. TELEGRAPH poles, it Is found, last on
the average about ten years. This habit,
consequently, OF renewing them az
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07

GOLDFISH BALLs-Dancing parties of
the upstart aristocracy.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-07

WIN my .soIt anu genlIe eyes
The rest was gone, unless they might be
discovered on the vicious morsel of
paper that wouldn' ttwitht." !"
In less than TWO minutes Mr.. MGov-
ern was in the street. Oh, the dismal
dreary, sleeting iniquity of that night
Where was the station? 1t had disap-
peared. Down in torrents came the
rain, freezing as it fell; slippery and
more slippery and more slippery grew
the pavement; only cat or some ami.
NAL with claws could have maintained
systematic perpendicular. Suddenly
down went Mr.. MGovern. Perhaps il
was blessing, for the sudden applica'
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10

was money in the days of Abraham.
1t will be money long after the Green
back party shall have gone out of ex-
istence. and it will be the same thing
the world over.
MI. Billson--Yes, but the flour is
gone. Roars of laughter
Governor Woodford-Andt that was
wall of anguish from the anxious
bench, which cOnvinces me that even
my friend is in the process of CONVEX
sion. Now let me pass on. You can
get these greenbacks into circulation
by paying off the southern war
claims. You can get them into circu-
ton by extravagant expenditure.
You can get them into circulation by
giving them away. You can get them
into circulation by course that will
denloraliZe business and not labor.
Mr.. Billson--I can tell you how you
can get them into circulation another
way. Stop taxing the people for a
few years, and pay the government
employees. and think that would get
them out. Great laughter and APP
plause.
Governor Woodford- My friend has
struck very original way Of getting
them into circulation. know from
the manner in which this statement
was made that it WAS made honestly,
Now let me frankly say l have not
come here to plead alone for the Re-
publican party. If the Republican
party were false on the question of
money, God helping me. l would fight
the Republican party as earnestly as
tonight 1 fight imitation and green
backs. Therefore | am bound, as Il
citizen who wants to be honest and
fair, to respect the conviction Of my
neighbors, and TO give him an answer
that shall either satisfy him. if he is Il
reasonable man, or an answer that
shall show him that / am right and
he is wrong. That is the condition of
American discussion, and | have no
desire tn shun or shrink it.
My friend says that we can get the
greenbacks into circulation by stop
ping taxation.s so that we would get no
money on the one hand. and then pay
it out to the government on the other.
Now. the objections to that are these:
One-third Of the income from the gov
eminent comes to-day from duties
that are levied on foreign goods, and
so are paid indirectly to the people.
The effect of taking off those duties
would be to admit free all articles of
foreign manufacture, and to close up
every American mandatory. God
helping me, when American labor is
pressed to the wall as now, l propose,
for one. to keep the tariff duties and
pay taxes.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10
Fat Men Made Happy-LOSeS 81 lbs

PRATTvILLE, Ma, July Goth, 1878
Botanic Medicine co Buffalo, n. Y:
Gentlemen About three months ago
commenced using your Anti Fat" at which
time my weight was 9 pounds. BY follow
ing your directions carefully, have succeed
ed in reducing my weight to l5S pounds.
This is al very satisfactory and pleasant; but
just previous to my commencing the use OF
your medicine, had purchased two suits OF
fine clothes at high price, and find, to my
disnay that they are entirely useless to me
now. When put one OF my coats on, my
friends t, II me ii looks like coffee sack on a
beam pole, and when | put the pants on.--
well, description fails. My object in writing
is to ascertain whether you have not, III con-
nection with your medicine business, an
establishment where your patrons, similarly
situated, could exchange these useless gar
ments tor others that would lit think you
ought to have something # the kind, as it
would be an inducement for many to use the
Anti-Fat, no now object to using 1t, in con-
sequence OF the loss they would sustain in
tn owing aside valuable garments. Just
turn this matter over in your mind. A
"Clothiug Exchange is what you want in
connection with your Anti-Fat business.
Yours truly, GEORGE BOYD.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10
To COnsunptives

The advertiser, a retired physician, having
prov dentially discovered, while Medica
vegetable remedy for the speedy and perman-
enl cure of Consilm ption, Asthma, Bronchitis
Catarrh, and al throat and lung affections
also positive and radical specific for Merry
Gus Debility, Premature Decay. and al
Nervous Complaints, feels it is his duty tt
make it known to his suffering fellows
Actuated by this motive, he will cheeruly
send free Of CHARGE to all who desire it, the
reeipe for preparing, and full directions fol-
successfully using. this providentialiy dis
covered remedy. Those who wish to avail
themselves of the benefits OF this discovery
without cost, can do so by return mail, by
addressing, with stamp.
DR. CHARLES P. NJ RSHALL,
No. "a Niagara Street,
BUFFALO, n. Y.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10
Pompeii.

Excavations OF Pompi prove the city tC
have been one of the most fashionable and
beautiful of Roman summer resorts, and out
for the eruption it might have remained the
so to this day. AS with Pompeii, so with
thousands of people who have beauty of form
and feature they might always be admired
bu. tor the cru tion, that makes the face I'M
slightly, and bctrays the presence OF scrotula,
virulent blood posons, or general debility
There is but one remedy that positively cures
these affections, and that remedy is DR..
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery It is the
best known tonic, Alternative, and resolvent.
1t speedily cures pmples ,blotches liver spots,
and all diseases ari-ing from Impoverished OF
impure blood. 1t also cures dyspepsia, and
regulates the liver and bowels. Sold by
druggists.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10
St. PauI's Great Institution.

The most successful enterprise yet started
by the citizens of Paul is the great ST. PAUL
FIRE AND MARINE INSURANCE ASSOCIATION.
Its success has been most extraordinary.
now rivals, after few years of existence, the
great New England Fire Insurance companies
which have heretofore drained so mnch
money from the fertile fields of the west
to enrich the barren rocks of yankee land
To those who desire cheap insurance in the
most reliable insurance company in the State,
we would say by all means patronize that
are over ONE MILLION dollars and it has reach
ed this grand aggregate in eleven years. Here
are the figures which represent its unpar-
a11nla6 Growth
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10
A BOTHERED BULllCNlS
General Woodford. OF New York, Cues.
toned


Conceal Stewart l.. Woodford. of
New York made a speech the other
evening at Cleveland and was ques-
toned 10y Mr.. Billson. Il Greenbacker,
as follows:
Governor Woodford--We sell each
month of the rest of the world more
than we buy from all the rest of the
world.
Mr.. Billson--You have stated that
this government sells off more than it
buys. Now. l cannot see where t
sells more than it buys. for if a man
sells flour. which is commodity. and
takes back another commodity in
gold, | don't see that he sells any
more than he bought. He bought
gold with flour. and has only the same
amount of wealth in the gold that it
had in the flour; at least it looks to
me so.
Governor Woodford-I am glad you
asked that question. There was
an hour when it troubled me, and
being like II yourself, a seeker after
truth, asked friend the very same
question you have asked, and l think
his answer will satisfy you the same
way that it satisfied me, The flour
we sell gets eaten up.
Mr.. Billson-I would like to have
some of it eaten in this country.
Governor Woodford-Uold on one
moment-and after it is eaten up. 1t
goeth into the bell. and is purged out
IL the draught. according to Holy
Writ, but the gold we get for it, the
gold money, stays here. and wheneve
a famine comes we will have that gold
to buy corn with. My friend says he
would like to have the corn here to
be eaten up. So would /; and let me
say that all over YOUR great state and
this great western country. there has
been bread enough and lots to spare.
and the tramps have been burning up
the threshing machines rather than
work.
Mr.. Billson-you have not shown
me at all that the exchange of our
-four for the gold made us any more
wealth. You say we can spend the
gold for corn when a famine comes.
but we have not more wealth in the
gold than in the flour we paid tor the
gold, therefore the gold is worth no
more to us than the flour. Therefore,
say this government is no more
wealthy to be worth millions of dol.
lars in gold than millions of dollars in
-four.
Governor Woodford-I am glad
that my friend has said that. / have
no doubt he has thereby converted at
least fifteen Greenbackers from the
error of their way. / will repeat
again: When the millions of dollars
worth Of fiour is sold to Europe it
gets used up, but when we get the
SC.1 ..s- /: i. .e- Tbs. WHICH Is sScc
l1isay weAl.r. auseaussls a4Sn1y. Il
Y~~N ~A@ =
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10

The Pioneer Press and the Dis
patch improve every opportunity to
take extracts from other papers de-
trimental to Donnelly, but we notice
that nearly all of them are taken from
papers that are published outside the
third district, and generally from pa
pers published in the extreme south
ern part OF the state.-Little Falls
transcript.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10
An Opening For An Energetic Lady O
Gentleman Agent in Ramsey
County.

We are just in receipt OF a communication
from l.. +. Rrown & Co, of Cincinnati,
Ohio, Patentees and Sole Manufacturers of
the celebrated Centennial Cake and Baking
Pan, asking MS TO refer them to a party to
represent them i'll introducing this valuable
housekeeping convenience in Ramsey county
1t Is made OF Russia Iron, and is soconstruct-
ed that by simply raising hook you con re-
move the sides OF { he Pan from the cake when
done without breaking or iniuring it, thus
enabling you to ice or frost it while hot; to
remove the tube in the center, insert knife
in the Stat at the top of the table, and turn
half round and it will drop out; it is also
provided with 4 slide or tue bottom, 80 that
you can close the hole to the bottom and
make plain bottom pan for baking bread
etc.
The price OF the pans have been greatly re-
duced within the las month, which has
largely increased the sale OF them. There are
now in use in the United States and Canadas
over 10000 Of these pans, all giving the best
of satisfaction MANY OF their agents clear on
ali average s. 90 per day selling them i'll ad :
joining counties, and there are certainly a
number OF parties in our vicinity VI no will he
glad OF the chance 10 secure the position and
to all such we would recommend them to
drop a postal card TO l.. t.. BR iWN K o.,
PAP L III street, Cincinnati, o., for desert ptiv e
circulars, terms and testimonials of other
agents, mentioning our paper.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10

Among the attractions at W. F.
Mason's hat store Is East Third
street, st. Paul, can be found fine
unlaundried linen bosom shirts
for seventy-five cents each; good
undershirts and drawers for fifty
cents each, new wool hats for mti.
and boys seventy-five cents each
and better qualities for S 90 each.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10
To the Voters OF the Third District

Before you deposit your vote you should
carefully select your candidate, and vote
with all your ight early and oftan-~and to
make your appearance more respectable,
you should take a trip to the BoSton One
Price Clothing Store Minneapolis, and select
your fail and winter outfit from much the
largest stock in the State, and at prices never
seen before since clothing was invented
this house was the first to establish the one
price system in Minnesota, and by this square
deal they have built up the largest trade in
the northwest.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10

Could Senator Voorhees, stand on
the New York Democratic platform!
Would he be a Democrat in Michigan.
or Ii Connecticut! Does he affiliate
with the Democracy of those States!
Ii he does, he is no Greenbock man.
Ii he does not repudiate the hard
money Democracy of the country. the
people of Indiana will repudiate him
The day for milk and water politics is
ended Terre Haute Express.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10

For Sale at low prices, with easy
terms of payment, and at low rates
OF interests.
These lands are very productive,
easy of cultivation, and convenient
to markets. Alternate sections
mostly occupied by actual settlers.
Climate pleasant and healthy
Flourishing villages, with churches
ard schools at convenient distances
along the whole line Of road.
Send for "MINNEsoTA HOME
STEAD" which gives full informa-
ton, or for prices of particular
lands apply person al ly or by let
ter to "Land Department"
ST. PAUL & SIOUX CITY R.R.
st. Paul, Minnesota.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-10-10
The Anti-AIOnop0list.

90 spring, 81 < @8l sc cash; Blk seller Octo-
Der: 83kc bid seller November; 84%c seller
December; No. 8 Chicago 6o@69c rejected
spring, 53c bid; No and No. 2 red winter,
85hc.
REt,EIPTS-Flo lou. : q. 600 tarrels:w heat .2Ol-
coo bushels; corn, 247, 90 bushels: oats, 1922,
coo bushels; rye, 5000 bushels; barley, 65,-
600 bushels
SHIPMENTS-Flou 1000 barrels; heat =,
s., 900 bushels