New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1878-02-13

ing his friend with the stick to settle mat
tiers with the gentleman in front, which,
as ne had no excuse handy, was not done
without considerable trouble. When the
hubbub was over, the victim said "Didn't
you tell me to tap that man with my
stick?" Eyes, ssAnd what did YOU
wants' "Oh,'' said Phoenix. with i'm
perturbable gravity. II wanted to see
whether you would tap him or not!"
Jack Holmes, man-about town, liv-
ing no one knew how, was once under
cross-examination by a certain sergeant
at-law, who knew his man too we'll.
':NoW, SIR said the learned gentleman,
'tell the jury how you live''
DWELL" said Holmes, a chop or steak,
on Sunday perhaps a little bit of fish;
am very plain living man.
"You know what mean, SIR thun-
dered the questioner. s.What do you do
for a iving?'
1.-THE same as you, Sergeant" said the
witness, tapping his forehead suggestiveiy
"and when that fails I do'-going,
through the pantomime of writing across
his hand-'sa little bit of stlf-the same
as you again"
"My lud, shall not ask this obtuse
witness any more questions, said the an
CRY counsel.
Brother" said Baron Martin, II think
you had better not
Here is hint for our old friend the
clown in the pantomime. At the burning
of provision store, the crowd helped
themselves freely. One man grasped at
huge cheese as his share of the salvage;
rising up with it he found himself face to
BILE presence of mind put the plumber in
to the officers arms, saying: "You had
better take care Of that, policeman, or
some one will be walking off with it,
Equally ready to rel1nquish his loot
when there was no help for it was a Chi
cago negro, caught by poultry fancier
in the act of carrying off some of his live
stock, and challenged with: "What are
you doing with my chickens?'' II wuz
gwine fer to fetch them back, boss,' ex-
claimed he. ''Dere's niger roun' here,
what's bin disputin along er me bout
dem chickens. said dey wuz Coachin
Chyniz an I wuz jes taken 'em roun' fer
ter stablish my nollidge. Dey don't lay
no aigs, does dey, boss? Eff dey does,
I'm mighty shamed of hustlin' 'em roun'.
Aigs is scase.'
Impudently cool as the darkey was,
he must yield the palm for efrontery
to the Erie Railway guard whose inter
view with Manager Fisk is thus related
in an American paper:
" You are conductor on the Erie I be-
lieve?"
g Yes, sir"
Glow long have you been on the
road?n
Fifteen years"
"Worth some property learn?'
"Some.'
"Have very fine house in Oswego?
Cost you some thirty, forty of fifty thous-
and dollars?'
g Yes, sir"
''some little money invested in bonds,
I am told?"
eyes, sir"
Gown farm near where you reside?"
eyes, sir.''
sHad nothing when you commenced
as conductor on our road?n
| "Nothing to speak Of"
Made the property since?"
"Yes, sir
"Been at work for no other parties?'
"No; but / have been saving money,
and invested 1t from time to time to good
advantages"
'.Wel], sir, what will you give to settle?
Of course you cannot pretend to say you
have acquired this property from what
you have saved from your salary? You
will not deny you have pocketed great
deal Of money belonging to the railway
at least fifty or sixty thousand dollars?
Now, sir, what will you give to settle,
and not be disgraced, as you certainly will
be if a trial is brought, and are COMPEL
ed to give up the property you profess to
own, but which in reality belongs to the
company2"
ssWell, Mr.. Manager, I had not thought
Of the matter. For several years I have
been running my train to the best Of my
ability. Never looked at the matter in
this light before. Never thought was
doing anything wrong. I have done
nothing more than other conductors; tried
to earn my salary and get it, and think
I've succeeded. I don't know that owe
the company anything. If you think
do, why there's little difference of opin-
ion, and l don't want any trouble over it.
| have nice family, nice father and
mother, relatives all Of good standing;
they would feel bad to have me arrested
and charged with dishonesty. It would
| kill my wife. She has every confidence
in me, and the idea that.I would take a
penny that did not belong to me would
break her heart. ] don't care anything
| for the matter myself; but on account Of