The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-07-05

1
ed by the American boat crew abroad,
is Indian for lightning IN the water
a Minnesota rather who has five
grown up daughters has sued the eoun-
| ty. He claims that his residence has
been used as a court house for the past
two years.
Competition is so strong among the
| cotton factories down east, that ten
mills don't make u cent.-Stamford
| Advocate.
What is the difference between the
Prince OF Wales and jet of water ?
The Prince is heir to the throne, and
the jet is thrown TO the air.
| There is an opening for one more
party-a party which shall resolve
that the national debt shall be paid in
shirt buttOns.-DetrOit Free Press.
The great journalists are rapidly
dropping off. Raymond, Bennett, Gree
ley, and now Bryant. And our physi-
clan has advised US to take exercise
Nor. Herald.
| Notwithstanding many vicissitudes
in the succession of the CROWN the av-
erage reign of the sovereigns of Russia
for two centuries and a half has been
fifteen years.
Judge Hilton would not let any lit
tie children come into the Stewart no
tel for women. He was afraid they
would tear eff the plastering and j8b
the furniture. ..-
'One is glass in eyes and the other
is isinglass.' This is the answer
very clever one it is, too. What we
want now is q conundrum to fit it,
Norristown Herald.
Philosophers say that closing the
eyes makes the hearing more acute,
A wag suggests that this accounts toI
the many eyes that close in our
churches on Sundays.
Marriage is often typifiGd by the four
seasons thus.
Spring Bliss
Summer Observation-Disclosures. Happiness
l. Autumn. .Sere and yellow leal
Winter. Divorced and drunk
A man was killed by a circular saw,
and in his obituary notice it was stated
that She was a good citizen, an upright
man, and an ardent patriot, but of linn
tied information in regard to circular
saws
Il They had mum socIable' in Water
town the other night, and one fellow
was fined three times for asking, who
is that black-eyed girl with a cardinal
knit sack p But he went home with
the girl.
Miss Kellogg says newspaper meT
are just like lemons-fit only to bt
squeezed as much as possible.-Jersey
City Journal. Precisely the opinion
. we have always held of Miss Kellogg
GOwanda Enterprise.
A Louisiana musical critic says
; Slgnor Brignoli exhibits unusual reso.
nance and power in the crescendo, be-
hing perfectly free from the charge o
nasaiity or stridor in climacteric fl
nale.-Boston Globe.
Folks who can't understand why
robins are sent to eat up all the cher
ries should remember that in all prob
ability the robins can't understand WHY
human beings are sent to do the SAM
thing.-BostOn Transcript.
When a man is deeply, madly, ire
Vocably in love, even the air seem
; filled with Jumps of sugar, while tn
shingles on the house that contains tn
. dulcinea look like sheets of moIasse
taffy -Hackensack Republican.
] A San Francisco paper alleges tina
it has upon its staff lady who is on
: of the brightest and most original wri
r tiers of the day. Whereupon Sacra
, mento exchange wants To know VIII,
they never publish anything of hers,
e A sharp little girl in Chicago go
r out of patience with her bashful lover
= backwardness, and so brought thing
: TO favorable climax by saying to hiL
/ Il really believe you are afraid to as
I me to marry you, for you know
would say yes
E A young lawyer in Lynn, Mass, ha
separated from his wife, to whom h
. has been married only eight months
because she attended the circus in tn
!, evening with her father. That youn
mans morality must be of the mos
exasperating kind.
!, Mr.. Beecher said to the Williams col
lege boys last week, 'If man cannC
say his prayers and get his tull amour
of sleep, let him leave his prayers uu
I said.' That's it. We have been won
8 dering what it was that was shortenin
u our hours of repose. We shall reform
: l-Hawke-Eye.
When a country editor wrote, wit
! more heartlessness than elegance, 'W
o expect our Methodist friends will hav
g a red-hot time in the grove (referrin
{ TO coming picnic,) and found that tn
# icompOsitor had substituted an for q
y o in the last word OF the sentence, b
:. began TO think it was about time fl
him to rise and explain.-Stamfor
q Advocate.
= She Overwhelmingly: sob, I'm {
o glad you're going to see me to my ca
. riage, Mr.. Browni" He (fattered,
e "Indeed, and may 1 ask why ?'' She
= ooh, because the girls are so jealou
!, and want to prove that / do not me-
- nOpOlize all the good-looking men.
Brown satisfied, but not quite so hal
= py as he expected to be-.
Madame asked her husband for
% new outfit. My darling, he reptile
- shat would make the third time in tW
months, and times are~so hard that
= You will kill men exclaimed the lad
. bursting into tears, 'and my funer
expenses will cost you more than
'f new Dress tAh, but should have
l. bury you only once was the comfor
'e ing rejoinder.
r A reckless fellow proved to US T.
"a day that every man who chews tobai
co is of Hebrew descent. He said: .
20 man who takes snuff is snuffer, ms
)i who smokes Is q smoker, and the mas
ir who chews is a chew, SIR Then Y
d knocked him down and trampled 8
" over him, and wiped our feet on hin
% It's dreadful to think where we a
n drifting to.-Keokuk Constitution.
D. The following letter was recent
J. written by boy in Augusta, sevt
Is years of age, to his uncle in Savannah
4, dea uncle george please get me
n newfoundland dog. want q pupp,
"A hope you are well like am. go
: school now and have recess. am bs
=; off tor the dog. send him as soon
: you can. / send my love to you
christ's sake amen.
ls send a boy dog ROBERT S. H
, The odd affair is reported from Har
10 ford, The wife of q worthy clergl
q man thought her pretty servant gi
- was becoming too intimate with Il
owner of the tenement where they Ii
- ed, a widower who occupied rooms
- the same building, and finally in q
s. of Indignation said, 'Pack up yol
t things and leave my house, The q
es left, but returned in the afternoon al
he said to her late mistress, Il am Nj
e. -; now pack up your things Al
ID leave my house. The servant girl b,
De married the landlord, and the ord
III was enforced.
le The Galveston News says that n
a. long since q San Antonio colored da
III key did some wbitewashing for mi
At living in ward No. 5. On paying f
Te the whole job the employer paid {
: | Moso. for that was the llaFkevss nam