Smyrna times., 1878-05-01

All W. "' HSlnla, Nevada, JAN 4lh
Tor for " irnnn al, Esq X TO Miss Nan Wing, by Rev
& Al W. W. rather M'Grath, as follows
AN wan, you ikee this one niecea yon,o ;,
much good?" "You betr' "Nan "Gtian Will
you likee this one piece man "rr Iro'' " iig
g0od = Me likee this pjecee ;; 70 Al
wan you never catchee no more ,vo,aa. an :.
ouC thls one plecee. "D've moind that o.
NO more catchee" Nan Wino ,"'s w..
c"tGhee no more man but All Wan 10 yGu
Understand that?' "All lightec" u,rha ,
IT IN the name of the Almighty I calico roiI
al Saihee one plecee meat" '
rOK hHECMATIsM.-A man who had on
in nouhceu MS hrst attack of rheumatisr,
learned IN one,half hour that the folio,vinn
wouid curelt; lodide of porassum. ouinise
siaucer salts, onions, raw lemons. raw sill
oii SIX, GIN and tansey, rock candy and
t%hlSky' turkish baths, potato carried in
ms Pocket, horse chestnut carried in his
pcccAGI' an eel skin around his leo. q emit
u reo nannal, chloroform liniment bot
IelnoIlaoe, trip South, dry atmosnhero
eqG"i temperature, sulphur baths, mnstar3
anu not water, camphor liniment. and
Al DlSICkBER.-In the sparsely set
Iieu uIStrlctS OF the west, women attend
polltical meetings, and the married ones
~.1aIy ao"ily take thelr babies along. At a late
e"tNclI"9 III southwestern Minnesota. a
onl'n, W whose babe began to cry, started
""1' "Heii the speaker, loud voiced
I"' II""tei' S5'lu 10 her, " Madam, You needn't
IL ia :" r., our babe doesn't disturb me at
all Inc woman turned, and indionantI,,
exclaimed, My baby disturb Won eb o.,
should think not. Its Won fhot J;.t,,.l
my babe. There, there, don't crv, o'Il nro' ="
cious." cry pre-
Of certain Eastern ex-governor \
!o'''IAI story Is related. Once upon a
Inc nc VISITED Worcester, and called upon
an acquaintance, who owned many fine
pictures. The ex-governor went about the
room examining these, until he camo +o '~o
q, painting Of the Madonna" baneing abova ~ .
the mantel. lie peered up thronah b;e
eyeglass. "And who.er-is-tLis 81 he
asked. THAT" said his acquaintance d.
Madonna "AhI" said the ex'
lady ?" worcester
RUIN OF TIE COUNTRY" Have vou Tho
price of that subscribtion ?" said VIZ we
" No, can't pay your exclaimed he.
''sure as | stand here, | haven't cot .
cent to my name - And, bringing b;s
hand down on the side of his leg bv wav of
emphasis, he unintentionally awoke TO tba
echo the slumbering dimes, quarters. half
dollars and dollars in his trouser nocket
hen, as we gazed into his eve, he wildly
NED, While he gasped, "Silver will be the
ruin OF this country yetr
-$ob
In answer to an inquiry of a cores.
P0hdent as to what proportion of the
whole revenue OF the United States is
Sosoroed IN the cost of collection. the
boston Herald states that last year the
whoIe cost OF collecting the internal reye.
nue. amounting to $ll8,995,IS 1884, was a
Httle less than 81 per cent, and that the
;ost OF collecting the custom duties during
Inc Inc same pered, amounting to $l30,956,.
f95' was very nearly per cent.
Congress is trying to get up another in.
'ome tax bill. Well, do it, if YOU dare.
Ind then just stand up and see the number
u politically dead Congressman that will
% laying around. People despised the
'ther one too much to tolerate another,
nd we should not like to be the member
'ho votes for it. lnquisitions are odious.
nd as there is no necessity for a new one
low, 1t had better be let alone.
MORMoNIsM ON THE DECLINE.-Accordino
Uov. Emory, of Utah, polygamy is on
ne decline among the Mormons, and he
ives peculiar reason for the decline. 1t
attributable neither to missionaries nor
Bibles, but to the growth among Mormon
omen OF taste for extravaganza and
resS. The result is that the average Nor.
ION finds it about all he can do to man.
in one wife.
INTOXIeATION FROM MoRPHINE.-An Ohio
'urt has just granted mans petition for
vorce from his wife on the ground of her
loltual drunkenness, the intoxication
lslng from the excessive use of morphine.
le court held that it makes no difference
law whether the intoxication proceeds
om the use of strong drink or from mar.
tics.
things are looking up. The
ports continue largely in excess of the
ports, making a good balance of trade
our favor, the gold premium is almost
tirely gone, money is plenty, and the
1t OF goods, wares, merchandise, grain
d provisions is gradually declining; SO
future begins to brighten up.
-
circulars are out soliciting subscriptions
the stock of new and rival telegraph
npany already organized in New York,
n capital fixed at $l0000000, and
led the Continental Telegraph Comp pany.
red Nelson, formerly secretary of the
antic and Pacific, is announced as presi.
It.
DoUBT.-It is human to doubt. Display
ign with the inscription, Beware of
nt," and nine men out of ten will draw
If fingers across the newly painted
ace to see if the sign is not merely IAN
.ntion of the enemy" The tenth man
pr leorned IN raad -