Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1878-12-12
Helena, Montana, Thursday, December II, 1873.
No. 4
ALL SORTS.

OQuaSucS art cut ROuIcU JllIS ScdSOu.
Why is it people boot a dog and shoe a
hen?
A protane upstart-The man who sitsdown
| on bent pin.
The country should keep its blighted faith
with the Indians.
When he went to district school Manton
Marble learned to ''read right in CIPHER
The man who patronizes secondhand
clothing store is never troubled with fits.
The reason why wine is put in mock turtle
soup, is probably because wine is mocker.
One would think in a general stagnation
everything would be deer. Quite the con-
trary.
Somebody wrote to Hamilton Fish to get
his terms for lecture, and he replied, &C. o.
D. Fish,"
If you turn an American estate" upside
down you will find the Etats of the French
republic.
It's noticeable fact that the ice man is
much more polite and refined than he was six
weeks ago.
Hay is so cheap this fall that Mr.. Tilden
ought to save enough on his winters board
to pay his income tax.
The man who gets up last in the morning
ought to make the best reporter, because he
always gets the latest snooze
Why is an Ohio man an unnatural being?
Because nature abhors vacuum, and an
Ohio man adores vacancy.
A party of Englishmen now in Denver are
discussing the laying out of 10000 acre
hunting park in Northern Colorado.
The foundation tor the meanest man is
laid when small boy turns the worm hole in
an apple for his companion to bite from.
Did you ever see the expression on mans
face when his wife says, ''Now, want you
to stay home tomorrow and help me paper
the walls?"
1t is useless for physicians to argue against
short-sleeved dresses. The Constitution of
the United States says: ''The right to bear
arms shall not be interfered with"
'Glass slippers" are announced. 1t is
doubtful if the small boy finds as many panes
''There's nothing like leather, after ALL.
'.Do you want cheeks with roses ?" asks
medical advertisement No, we don't-no
''cheek" with our roses, if you please. We
get ''cheek" with too many things nowadays.
If Mr.. Edison will only invent process
for making confectionery out of sugar, and
five cent cigars out of tobacco, he will be
entitled to niche 1, section A, Temple of
Fame.
She handed him piece of smilax to ad-
mire, and after fond gaze he gave it back,
saying, 'Your smile lacks nothing in the line
of beauty" She tried to look sad and Won
dered what it meant.
The spirit of emulation in funerals is in
strict obedience to public sentiment. Coming
from the burial of friend, Danbury young
woman said to her mother: ibid you ever
see such cheap looking corpse9'
The potato bug sighs wearily as he COM
mences to dig down through the six or eight
feet of earth under which he is found all win
ter by the most enterprising liars. Life is not
all playground even for the potato bug.
There are three things that no man can
keep-a point on pencil, a pointed joke,
and an appointment with the dentist. There
are three things which all men borrow-pos-
tage stamps, cigarettes. and car-tickets There
are three things no woman can do-cross be-
fore horse, hurry for horse-car, and un-
derstand the difference between ten minutes
and half an hour.