The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-05-30
Miscellaneous.


The raining favorite an umbrella.
The moon is really made of green
cheese: that is, the honeymoon.
Even the best-to-do dentists have to
lead hand-to-mouth existence.
Strawberry short cake is so called be-
cause it is short of strawberries.
There is lumber dealer in Utica whose
board bill last week was So, 200
"What is Rhode Island noted for?
at is the only one of the New England
States which is the smallest"
Sardine cans, broken bottles, old shoes,
and tinware should be set out in the
backyard.
How do we know that Cowper was in
debt? Because he oh'd for a lodge in
some vast wilderness.
"I 90 thro ugh my work" as the needle
said to the idle boy. But not till your re
hard pushed" as the boy said to the nee
die
What is the difference between the Czar
and beggar? One issues his manifes
toes; the other manifests his toes with
out his shoes.
The public in general want law to
make breach of trust a crime; while
tailors in particular ould like law to
make pair of breeches on trust crime.
Artist: "Y on carried my picture to the
Exposition and handed it over to the
managers p Porter: Eyes, your honor;
and it pleased them. You should have
seen how they laughed.
"Ouida," the novelist, asks: What
will the children now growing up with
US know of our Italy p Well, they will
know that "our Italy furnishes this
country it's dirtiest organ grinders and
the sorriest looking monkeys out.
One was Baptist and the other Con-
gregationalist The waiter asked them
what they would order ga little dip
ped toast" said the Baptist" "Y ou may
give me toast, also, said the Congrega-
tionalist, cheerfully. But don't. dip it.
Only sprinkle little butter"
gentleman lying on his death-bed
called to his coachman, who had been an
old servant, and SAID: "Ah Tom, am
going long and rugged iourney-worse
than ever you drove me-" "Oh dear
sir" replied the fellow Che having been
an Indifferent mastery, never let that
discourage you for it is all downhill.' -
you are a Catholic, Jimmy?" "Yes,
yer honor" "And you pray to the Vir-
gin Mary?' II do, yer honor" well,
there's no doubt she was good woman
the Bible says so; but she may have
been no better than your mother or
mine That's true, yer honor. But
then you'll allow there's mighty differ
ence in their children"
Where do potatoes come from ?'1
asked little fve-year old. She was told
that they grew, and the process of plant
ing was explained. But where did the
first one come from p she persisted Her
father said he didn't know. Then she
thought for few moments, and broke
out with, We'll. | suppose they made
little 'teenty' one first, and planted it
don't you papa?' That child knows
just as much about evolution as the
wisest.
The position of newspaper publisher
is trying one at best. But when a man
has rising journal on his hands and
awakes on Monday morning to find his
wife sick, himself sick, one baby down
with the Group the other just attacked
with diptheria, his pet black and-tan the
mother of a newborn litter of pups and
the cartman clamoring at the door to
move him down from Harlem to the
city, is he to be blamed if he forgets the
text of Sundays sermon? There was
publisher in this predicament yesterday,
and he still lives. Strong swearing
brought him safely through it.
An old soldier, relating his experience
at temperance meeting in Iowa, said
that at one time he got possessed of two
kegs of whisky took them to camp, put |
faucet in one of them, and passed the |
whisky around among the boys until
they all got pretty full. About the time
the keg was empty, he said, for moment |
his conscience told him he was doing |
wrong. He picked up the and knock
ed the head of the other keg in, and
(here he was interrupted by the deacon's
startling cry of amen p Thank God"
'G!ory be to God ~ After the house be-
came quiet, he continued II knocked in
the head of that keg gave the boys tin
cup and told them to help themselves"
1t was a case of premature enthusiasm,
and the wicked scofers in the audience
had their turn to shout