Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-03-13
HHmOr.

moment.
An Indiana editor says: "Coal oil
rubbed on the neck and head, will cure
hog cholera, we have tried it."
At printers festival lately the fol
lowing toast was offered Woman:
Second to the press In the dissemination
Of news"
It's the voice Of the plumber; you
hear him complain, 90, It's hotter than
summer; Pm going insane p
Even if boy is always whistling, Il
want to be an angel" it is just as well
to keep the preserved pears on the top
shelf of the pantry.
In reply to the question, Will the
coming man be bald ?' the Norristown
Herald affirms that "he generally is
when he first comes"
" There are five preachers to one edi-
tor in the Kentucky penitentiary."
We hope no one will say that one editor
needs at least five preachers Boston
Post
A San Jose lady broke the nose of a
servant-girl, and had to pay 5000 for it.
Considering that the girl was kissing the
ladys defenseless husband at the time,
twas more than the miserable nose was
orth-Bufalo Express.
Tobacco was named in honor of it's
discoverer, O. c. Cabot, brother of Sc
bastian Cabot. They just spelled his
name backward
Here is a dialogue between two Be-
hemians: Would. 0, would that I had
fifty thousand a year! [ know what L
would do" "What?' Nothing"
He was kind husband. and offered
to take his wife sleigh-riding, but when
SIZE got in she went through the bottom
of the slcigh. and he lay awake half the
night to hear her opinion about it.
Those men who expect a minister to
give them ST. 500 worth Of grace for
$500 salary are the same who demand
local notices in their home paper for
nothing, and who do their advertising
on Novelty press hand-bills.
A little urchin in one of our schools
being asked, "What is Rhode Island
celebrated for?" replied, 1T is the only
one Of the New Ems gland states which is
the smallest"
INvITATIoNs.-Arch See, old man,
how I'm hunted after; all those are in
vitations." F1lend-" Good gracious
all invitations? Invitations to what?"
Archie-'"T To call and settle their &C
counts"
A stranger arrived in st. Louis, took
q look at the city and shot himself In
his pocket were found thirty-fve cents
and stub of a lead pencil which caused
the coroner's jury to return q verdict:
Chicago editor-couldn't stand pros
perity. st. Louis paper.
The discovery has been made that
the world does not revolve with the
same momentum it did a thousand
years ago, but it still swings around fast
enough to satisfy the man with a heavy
note coming due.
An impatient boy. while waiting for
the grist at the mill, said to the miller,
q could eat the meal as fast as your
mill grinds it." How long could you
do sop asked the miller. It'll | was
starved to death" retorted the boy.
The principal of southern female
academy calls on the young men Of the
town to let his teachers alone! He says
every time one of them gets fairly to
work some fellow comes along and mar
ries her
SErTLTNG.-"D Do you know" remark
ed a rather fast Newark youth, the
other day, to- a suffering friend to
whom he was slightly indebted, edo
you know that l intend to marry and
settle DOWN." Il do-don't know any,
thing about it," was the reply, "bu-but
think you had b-b-better stay single
and set-settle up
BRIEF ANSWERS traveller interro-
eating a backwoodsman received brief
but pertinent answers, thus: "What
house is this ?" ''Moggs'." "Of what
built?" Logs" Any neighbors ?"
Frogs" what is the soil?" Dogs"
''The climate?' ''Fogs" What do
you live on?' Hogs "How do you
catch them?' Dogs"
A Guthrie county man owns kitten
with two well-developed heads. When
a man sits down and reflects that the
next generation Of cats may posses
double the facilities for making noctur-
nal noises that their fathers have, it is
enough to destroy all the theological
theories of the age.
A correspondent asks, What is the
best method Of feeding cattle in winter {?
We don't exactly know. One man
might prefer to take the OK in his lap
and feed him with q spoon. Others
would bring him into the dining-room
and let him sit at the table with the old
folks. Tastes differ in matters of this
kind.-Nea0 London Telegram.
The 5-year-old daughter of an Eighth
street family the other day stood watch
ing her baby brother, who was making
great fuss over having his face washed.
The little miss at length lost her pa
tience, and, stamping her tiny foot,
said: You think you have lots of
trouble, but you don't know anything
about it. Wait till you're big enough
to get lickin' and then you'll see
won't he, mamma ?"-Ci1acinaati Break
fast Table.
A literary society at Delaware, Ohio,
has a letter written by Horace Greeley
in 1S49. in which he thus refers to his