The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-25
WIT AND HUMSR.


How TO acquire shorthand Fool
around buzz saw.
The sweat of mans brow comes
easier than his daily bread.
In the case of broken phonograph.
the least said is soonest mended.
THERE is no humble bee but can be
distinguished when you sit down on
him.
A YOUNG man who is much given to
athletic sports would like to know when
the much talked-of Anglo-Saxon race is
to come off.
Gen. PLEAsoNToN appears to have de-
parted entirely from public notice.
" Blue be the glass above thee, friend of
our early days"
Chow SHALL we treat the tramps ?"
asks the New York Sam. Oh, well. if
you are going to fraternize with them in
that way, we believe they generally take
straight whisky.
A LIrICAL speaker accused rival of
unfathomable meanness," and then.
rising to the occasion, said: 81 warn him
not to persist In his disgraceful course,
or he'll find that two of us can play at
that game"
SINCE Mr.. Edison has started out in
earnest on hunt after noises, suffer-
ing world will appeal to him to turn his
attention tie the backyard cat problem
as soon as he shall have finished with the
elevated railw.y.
AT the depot, the other day, young
man put his head out of the car window
to kiss his girl good-by, when the train
pulled out so rapidly that he kissed an
old African female at the next station
Josses6oro NeaOs.
On the day that Barnum's circus per-
formed while ago at Meriden, Ct.
SIX monkeys escaped from his menag-
erie, and only one OF them has been
caught. The other five are starting
newspapers up and down the country.
IRATE passenger-"D liver, why In
thunder don't you whip up your
horses9" Driver We'll, you see, sir,
my dogs gettin' fat, and he's follerin'
behind. Exercise does him good: butif
[ drive too fast he can't keep up with
us."-Puck. a-..
The seething summer days have come,
The suitriest OF thu year,
When mortals urn from n and
To lemonade and bear;
When apple women. sleek and fat,
plague TO p rich,
Consplre to keep oarf elirgs at
The choera-morbus pitch.
The following notice is posted verba-
tim by Frenchman in Peacham, Vt,
as warning to persons inclined to tres
pass on bis premises
One mans come on my place, fish:
Ore mans my place trap;
One mans my place, hunt;
len dollars lose for him.
A JOHN BULL. conversing with a Can
adian Indian, asked him If he knew that
the sun never sets on the Queens
dominions. ''No," said the Indian.
" Do you know the reason why!" asked
John. Because heaven is afraid to
trust an Englishman in the dark" was
the savage's reply. F = ...
GEORGE" she said to the perspiring
young man, II love YOU Just the same,
but, as our city relatives are coming
next week, mother thinks you'd better
stay away, because your long hair and
freckled face light make them think
that our acquaintance weren't very
high toned" The young man is staying
away. q Gs 1851 81
MAsTER-"You say Alfred the Great
was very excellent King, and did much
good for his subjects; now give me an
instance of his good deeds" Small boy
Gust recovered from bilious attack
and the paternal wrath -" Please, sir,
he burned some nasty unwholesome
cakes that would have made the shep-
herd ill". 7e'5-
WHO ever saw rope walk ?-R0n1e
Sentinel Who ever saw horse W
albany Argus. Who ever saw a cat
fish p Yonkers Gazette. Who ever saw
tree toed -HackensGck Republican.
Who ever saw milk made PIP I Man.
Who ever saw lamb chop p Baltimore
San. Who ever saw an onion peel, or
corn crib" or an apple pairing?
ct AROSE at this morning, and see
what 1 found in taking a walk on the
highway" said the fond father, display
ing silver dollar; " is that not proof of
the ACCESSIBILITY of early rising ?" 'sNo,"y
replied the son. ''And why ?" asked
the father, just as people always do in
fables and Sunday school stories.
because the fellow who lost it," bold
ly replied the son, got up too early for
has own good" -o.f.a 20,
YoNKERs had Fourth of July orator.
who said: And while the heart Of the
nation continues to throb, while the hol-
lyhock of liberty dissimulates It's fra
GRANGE over the aria of our domain, while
the gratitude of the free-born tons of s
soil mean sons Of tol-recalls the
heroism of those who bought and fed -
excuse me, should have said fought
and oled-for us. SO long will we cher j
ish the noble heresy bequeathed to us by
our patriotic posterity.Sy4s oft
SOME of the poor white families of
the far West become jgexceedinglyjd
by their exposures and hard
ships. A lady travelling among them
took shelter In a hut during rain i +
storm, and one of the barefooted daugh- "a
-ers of tha family coming IN who had