The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1878-04-25
SCIENCE vaNDICATED.

SCIENCE vINDICATED.
From the 1Netc York Suy.
1t is a scientific fact that the peculiar
species Of woman popularity known as
the female reformer is unusually thin
aud bony. Whether the advocacy CT
reform has direct tendency to de.
velop bones, or whether women who
are congenitally bony become reform-
ers because they are shut out from or
dinary pleasures and pursuits ofplump
and pretty women, has never been
satisfactorily ascertained. It is con-
ceded by anatomists and chemists that
the bones of eminent female reform.
ers contain an excess of phosphorus,
aud it has been ascertained that il the
elbow Of Mrs. Swisshelm is briskly
rubbed against piece OF sand paper,
it gives out blush flame, accompan-
led by phosphorous acid. It is enough
simply to remind the public that the
more earnestly woman may advocate
female suffrage and trousers the more
closely may we expect to find her ap-
proaching the general weight aud ap-
pearance Of q human skeleton.
To this rule there has nevertheless
been one apparent exception which
has greatly puzzled our scientific men.
This exception was the Rev. Eliza
Wilkinson, who lately ministered to
the Free-Will Universalist congreea-
ton in town in Illinois. But it has
now been discovered that even the ap-
parently well.rOunded form of the
Rev. Eliza was no exception after all.
The Times relates how the astonish-
ing discovery was made, as follows:
The Rev. Miss Wilkinson approach
ed the Town-Hall at precisely five
minutes before O'Clock, aud at once
perceived that she could never force
her way through the people to the
stage. In this emergency, one OF the
Town Trustees-Mr. Henry Barnes, a
man of unimpeachable veracity-pro-
posed that she should gain rear win.
dow by means OF q ladder, and so
reach the stage without difficulty. To
this proposal she assented, and, the
ladder being procured, Mr.. Barnes
held it while she cautiously ascended
to the window. He has since testifi.
ed that, in spite of the utmost deere
ton on his pant, Miss Wilkinson's os-
tensible plumpness could not escape
his notice, and he repudiates with
scorn the suggestion that the stripes
were horizontal produced upon him
an impression of plumpness which
did not really exist. There happened
to be sharp nail projecting from the
side of the ladder near the upper end,
and MIR. Barnes asserts that Miss
Wilkinson, having goused one of her
lin short, having come in contact
with this nail, gave q little shrek
which drew his attention to-. AT
any rate he claims that it was not his
fault, aud that he was not the victim
of a mere ocular delusion.
The eloquent and plump reformer
was received by the audience with
great applause, and began superb
oration upon "Sincerity." She de-
manded that men and women should
be. above all things, sincere, and
should avoid shams and pretenses of
all kinds. Warming with her argu-
rnent, she walked to and fro upon the
stage. and occasionally stamped her
foot with manly emphasis. Soon the
audience began to notice curious de-
post, of the color and general appear
ance of bran, W which formed little ridges
wherever the speaker walked. 1t was
also noticed that whenever she stamp
ed her foot, or remained in one po
sition for few moments, a small
mound of the mysterious substance
made its appearance. After time
another phenomenon created fresh
astonishnent. Miss Wilkinson was
obviously growing thinner. Her dress
hung loosely upon her, and before
long she presented the appearance OF
very thin schoolgirl wearing the
clothes of fat aunt. 1t was not un
ill Miss Wilkinson had wasted to an
extent that created unusual horror and
dismay that she herself noliced that
anything was wrong. As she cast
her eyes downward she perceived the
deposits of bran. Instinctively put
ting both her hands to her waist, she
felt that her plumpness had vanished.
and as the full extent of her calamity
flashed upon her she sank in q faint
ing fit to the floor. and was carried
out by two Deacons,-a mere bundle
of clothing inclosing scarcely per-
ceptible quantity Of female reformer,
The bran was swept up,-there was
nearly a bushel OF ii,-and q desper,
attempt was made to hush the matter
up. Mr.. Barnes, however, could not
be bribed to silence, and the scientific
men who accept his explanation bless
the friendly nail which accide ntally
.L.x