Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1878-05-30
ANOTHER CONFESSION.


When I heard that Min 90: 81,
600 for his confeshn, wnz seezet
/ with severe attack ov hostility t.
the yooserper Hayes, myself. / fell
that | Good make confeshns ezfast es
Min Good, and that my opportooni
ties he'd bin quite ekal to him, in fact
better. For wuz actilly down IN Loo
isianer jist afore the leckshun, assistin
in organizin rifle clubs whose biznis il
wuz to kill SIGH Diggers ez refoozed to
vote for Tilden, and consistently
knowed all about the frauds witch he'd
bin committed in the State.
Accordingly I wrote out cor feshn
ov frods and SIGH, jist like M'L,as in
wichI confessed to hevin manipulated
precincts for Hayes, and hied me tc
Gramercy Square with it, ez certin Nv
comm back with five or ten thousand
dollars, ez / ever he'd bin NV bein
Postmaster of the Corners.
But what happened to me l found
when | got up in that neighborhood,
more than thousand men, in a string
that reached around Irving Place,
and down ez fur ez Seventeenth
street, all Nv EN- in uniform, witch con-
sistid NV a coat worn until it wuz
shiny, buttoned up very close under
the chin, ez if itwuz jealous NV the
shirt collar and wnz bound to extin
guish it, and pantaloons very baggy
at the knees, and somewhat frayed
at the bottom and roll Nv paper
under the left arm, on wich wuz the
legend, "Confeshun." It may be ez
well to state here that the noses NV
um showed unusul drouth in the re
gions they respectively came from.
Finally | got into the presence NV
the committy.
"Let us see yer confeshn ?" said
the chairman, very prompt man NV
biznis. swat offs did the Yooserper
Hayes refooze 700 %
'Nary an offs - sed drawing
myself up proudly.
swell, then, low big is yoor detail
cashen, and how soon do 700 expect
to be arrested p
By this time / he'd handid EN- my
confeshn. 1t was a mild confeshn.
| contest to KILN perhaps hundred
Democrats, and alterin the returns NV
perhaps forty precinx in Loosiana
"We can't yoose thisp' said the
chairman. "Good mornin I"
"Excoose me for not bein so much
NV hurry" | remarkt. SIT may be
that 700 don't RELY like this con.
feshn, and / more than half spectid
700 woodent. But l hev another
witch perhaps 700 will look at"
| whipt out from under my coat a
conieshin Nv wat aktilly did in Loo
s'ana, and had taken the precanshen
to hev it all signed and sworn to, in
doc legal form.
The Cheerman Nv the Committy
looked at it, and turned first pale and
then red. Then change came over
him. His severe face relaxed into a
pleasant smile, and he extended his
hand corjelly.
"We know you, Mr.. Nasty. John,
ask Mr.. Nasty eft he will take suthln y
1t ekkurred to me that 700 wood
be glad to see me!' wuz my reply
"And now to bizness."
We wuz a comfortable party. The
Cheerman discoursed ez flooidly to
me ez tho it wuz before the eleckshnn
instiG NV after.
"lnvestigashens, my deer sir" sed
he, laying his hand affeckshunately
on my shoulder, sis all very well, eff
the investlgashens is confined within
proper limits. To make EN- pleasant,
they must be, however, all on one
side. We are willin enuff to investl.
gate Hayes, but seriously We woudn't
keer to hev Hayes investigate US.
John, another glass NV that choice
old Bourbon for the gentleman. Now,
my deer sir, wat do 700 perpose to
do with that dockyment ?"
81 will be strate forred," was my
reply, "for there Amt any double
deelen about me. / come here to sell
confeshn. am in the confeshn biz
ness, | hev one witch / offer yoo Yoo
don't want it. Perhaps 700 don't
think its troo. All rite-I may have
doubts OF it myself Then l show
you another wich 1 know to be troo.
All Nv it saw and part NV it | wuz.
700 may buy and pay for No l.
700 needn't yoose it onless 700 want
tor | shell take No. 9, witch is
troo, TO Washington and see eff can't
dispose of it to the Republican Con-
gressional Committy, WITCH l under.
stand wants dockymentary evidences
ez to the transactions in some NV the
parishes in Loosianer. | don't wish
to coerce-I am a gIleless son of ma
ture, but that watts goin to happen. =
x X X 4
This line of stars represents the
veil of secrecy witch / drawed over
the conversation recited above.
shell never tell wat l received, or wat
wuz said or done. Only that mite ]
moved to my humble apartments over
Barney O'Mulligan's s'loon, in the
SixthWard to gorgeous apartments in
the Sturtevant House, wich numbers
among its guests no better drest men
than | am. / hev such an air NV in.
tense responsibility that / am address,
by the walters as Judge. Also l shell
not walk back 10 the Corners, Blu,
ride in palhs cars, gorgeous, and Bas
com will be astonished by seein me
pay cash for my likker for some time
to come. The confesnn bizness, when
properly handled, is not bad thing
| shell probably adopt it as perfeshn,
PETROLEUM V. Nasty,
In Funds aud Proud.
The Backward Habit OF the Jana.