St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-05-31
Squibs.

Cldi tTdVciloIS, 70 IL SOllClUOTS Vi
church subscriptions, IL to L; book
agents, l to 3; peddlars and insurance
men all day. We attend to our own
business at night"
Some wives complain that they're al
ways having to sew on buttons for their
husbands, and sew on, and sew on.
"Go out, young man, she's not here"
said a Kentucky preacher last Sunday
in the midst of his sermon to youth
who was hesitating in the doorway.
Professor-"Is the intensity of gravi-
ty greater at the poles or at the equa-
tor?" Freshman-''Yes SIR" Profess
Or-"Which ~ Freshman-'sGreat
sir.n
1t turns out that man in Michigan
who ''lived forty days on WATER" had
plenty of provisions in his boat all the
while he was sailing around the lake.
Hornellsville is jubilant over the pas
sage of a man through her borders ''in
full Russian uniform" Later-The man
proved to be the bass drummer of a
circus band.
"Man," says the Whitehall Times, "is
often driven to desperation with his
own hobby horses" And often carried
to the verge of despair by his Own night
mares.-NOrristOlU Herald.
If there is any one who is anxious to
know how to make dollar, he is re-
spectfully advised to visit the Mint
Post.
An honest government is the nOblest
work of man, or would be if man could
accomplish anything in that line.-Chi-
cdg0 Times.
The omission of the word "while"
from the following sentence, uttered by
one of the members of the Farmers
Club yesterday, made it appear to be
somewhat extTavagant statement: 81
saw some potato bugs, few days ago,
digging a pOsthole." e."-ROcheSter Demo-
crGt.
1t was the proprietor of an American
lunch counter who said, 81 care not
who makes the laws of the country, if
| make its sandwiches" And he finish
ed hammering out the bottom of one,
welded the upper crust down to it,
brazed the edges, tempered it and laid
it in the sun, and filed out blank bu-
rial permit while he waited for the next
customer.-HaaUkeye.
w uOH uON Out WIFI
the express purpose of filling ga long
felt want" it fills it from one to four
months, besides filling the editor with
disgust and his pocket book with pa
tent-medicine orders, and then fills a
space i'll the graveyard of defunct news
papers.-NOrriStOWn Herald.
''There is nothing new under the
sum-" remarked Solomon, the wise king.
Chow about neuralgia ?n asked Re-
hOboam, walking into the palace with
his jaw tied up in red flannel, and the
faint, far-away Odor of old Robertson
county arnica on his moustache. The
monarch scowled and said he hoped the
kingdom of Israel hadn't got down to
running paragrapher's association just
yet Burlington HalUkeye.
A Vermont editor says that a man in
Proctersville caught pickerel weigh
ing two and half pounds, inside of
which was another pickerel which
measured nine inches in length, and in
side of this was another, five inches in
length. We don't question the truth of
this story. The only remarkable thing
about it is that the man didn't go on
finding ''inside" pickerels as long as the
inches held out.-NOrristoD (Pa) Her.
aid.
Bayard Taylor, says the Danbury
News, called on the German Emperor
to present his credentials. With that
ease of manner peculiar to an educated
American, however great may be his
anxiety, he said aside to the officer in
waiting: "AbOut what time do you
dine here 7"
| Mrs Honnah ,>fN Natal aAttrhs1
ed policeman last week, and to the
astonishment of the people and the un-
speakable amazement of the policemen,
the immortal gods looked down upon
the unwonted spectacle of policeman
arriving at scrimmage before it was
Over.-BurlingtOR HaWkeye.
One of the saddest things in life is to
hear an old maid practicing the "Wed-
ding March,"
When rider is thrown over horses
head the horse becomes the power be-
hind the thrown.
A bachelor merchants advice in Sc
lecting wife-"Get hold of piece of
calico that will wash"
Sitting Bull has got almost far
enough advanced in his spring work to
begin sowing cartridges.-C Chicago Jour-
nal.
The Car has presented the Sultan
with beautifully finished copy OF
Give Acres Enough. p Cincinnati Com
mercial.
An Iowa woman put starch into heI
husbands beer thinking it was arsenic,
and was surprised because it didn't
stiffen him.
A man in Illinois committed suicide
by drowning, lately in six inches of wa.
ter. He couldn't have done it alone
but his wife with that self-sacrificinp
devotion and helpfulness so character
lstlc OF the sex, sat on his head.
Little five-year-o is having her frs
experience of spring in the country
Looking at pear-tree in full bloom
the other day, she exclaimed, "why
mamma! Just look at that tree. 1t il
all covered with popped cornl"
J The Indiana tramp nowadays craw |.
J into the warm side of a straw stack anG
thanks heaven that he is not presiden
OF a telegraph company, killing himself
with over-work. Chicago Times.
"What is the name of your cat. sir q
enquired visitor. "His name was
4 William" said the host, until he had
hts, and since then we have called hin
Fitz William"
A rural editor has lost faith in th,
I'm IL SlFh hN,,, IL