St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-07-12
SQuibs.

How to make a match -safe-SOak the
head of the match in water.
Chicago has new city directory. 1t
is published under the fascinating title
Delinquent Tax List, S7S."-Detroit
Free Press.
Why should the spirit of mortal be
proud when ready made clothing is
cheap, and man can get a nice little
Spitz pup for two dollars Post.
Over at the exposition they are lay
ing up something for rainy day-not
an umbrella, but Paris-haul.-W White
hall Times.
Ingratitude is the strongest in cor
oner. You may do him every kindness
and yet you can't tell what moment he
will sit on you.
Augustus" said Amelia, Chow do
oysters get any air to breathe when
their shells are closed tight 2" "Bi-
valves" murmured Gus.
An unsuccessful lover was asked bv
what means he lost his divinity.
"Alas!" cried he, 81 fattered her until
she got too proud to speak to me-"
"Can temperance hotels live9n 1t
was the opinion of the late Artemus
Ward that they couldn't, they always
sold such poor whisky.-Bu6alO En-
press.
Uncle Remus and his sable disciples
don't see the value of the phonogIaph,
Tone of desc yer what's -his-names
wat yer hollOr into one year and it
comes out at de udder.n
Up to the hour of his death, Col.
Stone, of the Commercial Advertiser,
pointed with pride to the fact that he
was the only man whom William Cullen
Bryant ever cowhided.-OH City Der
rick
Edison is accused of being the father
of invention. We have no desire to
open up d fresh scandal, but if Edison
Is the father of invention it is the duty
of necessity to show her marriage GER
titicate-if she has one.
"Pll tell you how it was,n said Mr..
Barelmeyer, dolefully. "When 1 went
into partnership with that feller Skin
MIN had the money, and he had the
experience, but when we quit, he had
the money and I had the experience"
A correspondent sends us a poem,
Nights Silver Moon," and asks what
we will pay for it. We can only say
that we know nothing about the night
rate of silver.-BOStOn Commercial BuI-
tetin. Oh, don't you, then ? Well, about
two dimes out of every quarter of it
goes for beer. That's the night trait of
silver.-BurlingtOn Ha,0keye.
The chief engineer of the Chicago
and Northwestern road, to test the
smoothness of the track, placed glass
of water on the seat of a Pullman pal
ace car the other day, and carried it
right through from Chicago to Omaha
without losing a drop. Thinking spec
ltic gravity might have something to do
with it, next trip he tried a glass of
whisky, and when he examined the
glass at the first station out he found it
as dry as the desert of Sahara at high
noon.
AT the weekly conference meetings,
the Rev. DR.. Blank was a good deal
pestered by a Jealous brother who was
very much edited by his own exhorta-
tIons; and it was often deemed neces-
sary to 'head him off," by calling OH
somebody else to speak or pray Just az
he was about to begin. On one occa.
sion, as he rose to speak, the pastor
gently interrupted him by saving,
Brother, will you lead us in PRAYER :,
The brother hesitated but moment
and made answer: 81 was about to of
fer few remarks; but perhaps car
throw them into the form of prayer.n
Two Englishmen were out shooting
one had license, the other hadn't.
keeper approached, and the one tha
mad license ran away. The keeper
was good runner, and an exciting rae,
ensued over about a mile and half O
nice ploughed fields. At last the keep
er, got up to the runaway. 'sNow, sir
where's your license?" 1t was produc
ed. Then why the devil did YOU rur
away I" "Oh, Pm fond of exercise, !
answered the man; .'but don't vo,
think you'd better ask my friend if b,
has Onem
A 0oot-black, in turning into Wood
ward avenue from Congress street. yes
terday, on run, bumped against
woman, who at once grabbed for hi
hair. Failing to secure a grin. sb
matted and gave him to understand tina
II she had the bringing up of him h
would have gallOping consumption il
iess than SIX weeks. He took it patient
~ for time, but after having enougl
he quietly observed, 81 hope you Won
never die, ma'am." "Why 71 she sui
lenly inquired. ''Cause the body
snatchers will dig you up, sure.n "E6
WHATS that 7" "The doctors of tbi
town would have that jaw of yours
they had to fight the hull p'leece force!
ne softly exclaimed as he backed away
She couldn't help feeling of her chin q