The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1878-01-16

81 ~ 4tss 3sH e. 4Is---------tta Tsats AaiGGH
+ tie was a middle aged man. and would pas,
anywhere for an exs Cong gresham. The cold
4 sweat of wisdom and common sense sparkled
on his massive brow, and no one to look Al
him would thiak him guilty Of mean &C.
ton. ~ IA i ...ss ~ l...* ssz
/ He boarded the Merris and Essex roo train
! due West, and seating himself near the stove,
he continued to devour the contents Of 1 Dat.
'ent medicine almanac with aviditys slIi
When the train had gone through the Eric
tunnel, the conductor stepped into the col
and shouted a
IL Tickets III 3sitsn 81 st9saa sfis
The passengers immediately produced eth.
er the necessary pasteboard, or the collateral
that. speaks all languages !. aud the conductor
finally reached the middle aged pilgrim, and
screamed in his cart Akaa sasGaal
assss Ticket, please r. w 7ss 2
/" Yes" said the traveller, I. will; \ am
always happy totick 1t when and wherever !
can. and am obliged to you for telling me
so." toMs nesNa $3.50 a HQA soy
81 want your ticket, sir. said the conduct
or, sternly, and the traveller went on:
1t is a well authenticated fact that Pow
hatan was going to club the head off of Cap
tain John Smith, but he didn't, and wish
you would tell your children of It. Yes sir.
you should pour the history of our beloved
country into your children if it takes half of
the money you knock down on this road to
do it."
g am not q thief, SIR cried the conduct
or, land If you don't hand out your ticket,
I'll expel yon from this train"
"And don't forget, /" the pilgrim went on,
"to tell your children about Hickory jackson
and the way in which he cleaned out them
Britishers at New Orleans. Oh, wasn't It
beautiful Whenever think of it feel like
hustling off my buster, and turning flip flaps
all over CREATION
Hand out that ticket, or bounce y yell
ed the conductor.
And don't fail, con tinued the persgrin-
ator, to mention to your youngsters some
thing about old Harrison the Injuu fighter,
and be sure to tell them that little story about
George Washington and his little Ratchet"
:" If you don't favor me with your ticket, !"
said the conductor, !" III stop the train and
put you off,"
Tho old fellow paid no attention to the re-
marks addressed to him, but continued
ooh, fer the good old days Of jefferson and
jackson; them was the days of the square
deals, and no murderer could get stay of
proceedings, and no Tweed could rob the peo-
pie and get away with the swag. There 8
too many foreign oficeholdcrs now, anyhow.
that's what's the matter"
"Give me your ticket = screamed the con-
ductor.
"supposin' Iain't got uoneq'' replied the
man.
Then give me your money
81 haven't got any will my note of hand
do % 0e 8sss ~
No, sir |; you may take your choice tick
ct, money or bounce"
Then bounce is the programme"
The conductor in an ecstacy Of rage, stop
ped the car, and as the old fellow stepped out
into the meadows, he drew gun out Of the
leg Of his pantaloons. The conductor turned
pale at the idea Of being shot, when the trav-
cler turned and said:
amt agoing to harm hair Of your
head, mister; | came out here to go snipe
shooting, and if you hadn't let me off, I'd
had to have jumped off, and run the risk of
breaking my gun. Remember what told
you about American history, and pour 1t into
your children If it makes 60 broke. s1.....,.
The conductor crawled into the car with a
sckening smile, the passengers chuckled, and
as the train started off, the old man was look
ing for whisp of snipe.