The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1878-09-05
FLASHES.

Problem in optics-Can cross-eJed
man be natural-eyzed
August is good month for setting
out boot-jacks among cats.
What are you reading these two lines
for There's nothing in them.
What can pass before the sun with
out making shadow /? The wind.
An exchange SAYS; "Arcnud summer
resorts very dressy girls jangle in dan
giles and spaugle and bangles"
"It is o solemn thing to be Married" !"
said aunt Rachel. "It's good deal
more solemn not to be-" said merry
girl.
Some men keep savage dogs around
their houses so that the hungry poor
who stop "ta get bite" may get it out
side the door.
It was an American Belle, just back
from Europe, who said Of Switzerland,
"Pre:ty place, but it struck me there
were too many lakes and too few young
men,"
Elizabeth Allen in poem, asks. "Oh
willow, why weep forever Elizabeth
is little mistaken az to the facts. 1t
isn't the willow that weeps, it is the boy
who dances away, under the timber end
of it.
A young lady said to her lover !:
"Charley, how far is it round the
world ?" "About twenty-four inches,
my darliug," replied he, as his arm en-
circled her waist. She was all the
world to him.
"What are you about there 2" said a
gentleman to boy whom he found in
his orchard, disposing Of few apples to
great advantage, viz in hat and hand
kerchief-for pocket he had not, "I'm
about going" said the boy.
MY DEAR" said wife to her hus-
band, "when We get those old books
home again that We lent to your uncle,
what will bo the best style in which to
have them bound ?" "Homeward
bound is the most suitable thing for
borrowed books, my love-" was his re-
ply.
The son of Gerritt Smith once told
an enquiring friend that he and his
father had deuce Of time in the
Adirondacks drinking brandy and wa
ter. "What ?" said his astonisbed
friend, "Gerritt Smith drink brandy
and water?" "No," said the son, 1--WE
drank it together, I drank the brandy
and he drank the water"
Sheridan's Solicitor, calling one day,
found his wife alone, and walking atont
in state of violent excitement. He
asked what was the matter. Her only
reply was "that her husband was vil>
lain" After time, she added, with
some hesitation "Why, I have dis
covered that all the love letters he sent
me were the very same he sent to his
first wife,"
In trial for divorce. the lawyer for
the wife narrowed up the husband by
long and glowing eulogy on her, which
the husband interrupted by e1claimiug
eyes, yes; admit all that. I admit
she's an angel, and I hope you'll
find another just like her and marry
her, and have to live with her FIVE years.
Then you won't talk so glibby about her
virtues, I'll bet"
Is the flying artillery one of the
wings of the army9 Who pays for the
bayoncts when the soldiers charge
them9 When the "shrill music of the
shells is spoken of, is a bomb bard
meants How many spokes are there
in the right wheel 2 Do you use pen or
pencil to write about face ? Can steal
ing leg or bacon be called flank
movements Can pickpockets be class
ed as rifemen ? Is the Major Generals
staff made of hickory or oak? Can you
play or sing a platoon ? Are the
reports from artillery regiments to be
heard by the cannon-ears ?
When a loving father came home the
other evening and stepped into the par
lor to fill Up the coal-stove, he was
startled to see when the fame of his
haud-lamp dissipated the karkuess that
his daughter and her ducky doodle
Adolphus were sojouruing in the shadow
of the lowered gas jet. But they were
in separate chairs, and were engrossed
in box of figs. He felt compelled to
ask: "Something the matter with the
gas ?" And the time.tired youth;
grasping one of the golden thoughts
that overwhelm US in the time of emer~
gency, answered, as he mechanically
picked up another fig: "No; sir we
turned it down so as not to notice when
we bit into q worm"