The Van Buren press., 1878-08-06

A traveller Of the seventeenth century
wrote Of the Russians passion for strong
drink that Frenchmaa, if fly fell INTO
his wine, would throw away the fly and
thewlne also thatan Englshman would
tike out the lily and drink the wine; but
that Russian would swallow the wine,
fly and all, SO that the wine which
the ~ had swallowed might not escape
him.
A scientist says angle worms do not
suffer when put on the hook They
wriggle around out of pure joy we sup
pose, the same as man does when
good looking woman steps on his
curns.
That's splendid garden" he obser
we'd. :. beautiful melons in that garden"
Yes. said his companion, nice mel
ons, but burned bad looking dog there
at the back door,
IN Maine man got too much OF the
ardent aboard, and was put into coffin
to sleep Off the effects of the liquor.
When he awoke he sprang out in hot
haste, ,eSclaiming, "Glofy. The resurrec-
ton morn has come. and I'm the first man
on the ground' 7 - Bostcn Post
Everyday absurdities not to 90 to bed
when YOU are tirol and sleepy, because it
is not bedtime. To make your servant
tell lies for yon, and afterwards be angry
because they tell lies for themselves.
u A little girl was rcproved for playing
out doors with boys, and informed that,
being seven years old, sho was too
ldg Ton that now" But, with all imaei-
nable innocence, she replied: "Why
the bigger We grow the better we like
EN-" -8 ~"
Somebody wro.esto the editor OF q
country paper to ask how he would
"break an oX!'
The editor answered as follows: ali
only one OK, a good way would be to
hoist him, by means of chain attached
to bis tail, to the top of pole forty fee,
from the ground. Then hoist him, by a
rope tied to his horns, to another pole
then descend on his back q five ton pile
driver, aud if that don't bre1l him, LEI
HIM start country newspaper and trust
people for subscriptions. One Of the
two woys will do it sure
1t requires great moral strength and
tenacity of purpose TO enable man tt
sleep till seven in the morning when al
Industrious fly has decided that he hat
better get up at half past four
People generally viii he glad to know
that charcoal has been discovered to be {
sure cure for burus. by laying small
piece Of cold charcoal on the burn thu
pain subsidies Immediately By leaving
the charcoal on for an hour the wound i.
healed, ard has been demonstrated OF
several occasions.
How quick is the succession of huma,
events! The cares of to day are seldom
the cares of tomorrow; and when we Ii
down at night, we may safely say tt
most Of our troubles "You have don
your worst, and VIC should met NJ
more"
) To cure swellel feet ami ankles, tax
plantain leaves (which can be found i
almost any grass plot, and in our publ
parks, wilt them by putting scperatel
between the hands; cover tho swole
parts with them. and keep in place b
wrapping the limb with rags or towe
on going to bed at night, or Keep ther
on during tie day if not obliged to b
upon the feet A cure will be speedl
effected.
One dav you will be pleased with
friend aud tie next day disappointed /
hima twill he SO To the end, and yo
must make UP your mind to it and nc
quarrel, nless for very grave causes
Your ffienIs, you have found out, is no
perfect Nor are you, and you canne
expect to get much more than you Civ
You nlst book for weakness. f0olishnes
and vanity in human nature; il is VI
happy, If yeu are too sharp in seein
them.
Ten thousand English nail makers ha,
tuck. iHie viii tell whether they has
tta gtt uu fita head