The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1878-01-31
The Belle of ysIlejo-A California He
rome.

EOluCs
Vallejo possesses young LADY OF ex-
traordinary beauty. She IS, moreover,
as intelligent and bold as she is beauti-
ful, and in graphing with a sudden
emergency she Is probably unequaled
by any one Of her sex. Naturally, she
is the admiration of every young man In
the town. In fact, she Is beyond the
reach of rivalry. The other young Ia
dies OF Vallejo are perfectly well aware
that it is hopeless for them to enter the
lists with her. They never expect to
receive calls from manageable young
men except on the OFF nights of the Val
leio belle, and, though they doubtless
murmur secretly against this dispensa-
ton, they apparently accept it as law
of nature.
J For two years the beauty in question,
the homage of her multitudinous adj
mirers, and took an evident delight in
adding to their number. So far from
selecting any particular young man for
front-gate or back-piazza duty, she pre-
ferred to entertain one or two dozen
simultaneous admirers in the full blaze
of the brilliantly lighted front parlOr.
1t is only fair to add that she was an
earnest young woman, who despised
eOquetry, and never dreamed OF show
ing favor to one young man IN order TO
exaSperate the rest.
That so brilliant a girl should have
finally selected a meek young minister
on whom TO lavish her affections
was certainly a surprise to all
who knew her, and when it was
first rumored that she had made such
selection, Vallejo refused to believe it.
The minister made his regular nightly
calls upon the object of his affections,
but an average quantity of eleven other
Young men never failed to be present.
/ of course he could not obtain a single
moment of private happiness with his
eleven rivals sitting all round the room,
unless he made his evening call at pre-
posterously early hour. He did try this
/ expedient once or twice, but the only
result was that the eleven admirers at
once followed his example. In these
/ circumstances he began to grow thin
| withsuppressed affection, and the young
! lady, alarmed at his condition, made up
her mind that something must be done
/ without delay.
About three weeks ago the young
| minister presented himself in his be-
loved's front parlOr at 6 80 p. m, and
/ in the ten minutes that elapsed before
the first of his rivals rang the bell, he
painted the misery of counting by bat
talions in the most narrowing terms.
I Miss Ecks listened to him with deep
sympathy, and promised him that if he
would stay until 9 O'Clock, the last OF
the Objectionable young men would be
so thoroughly disposed of that for the
rest of the evening he would have the
field to himself Full of confidence in
the determination and resources of his
betrothed, his spirits returned, and he
was about to express his gratitude with
his lips, as well as his heart, when the
first young man was ushered into the
room.
Miss Ecks received her unwelcOme
guest with great cordially, and invited
him to sit on a chair the back of which
was placed close to a door. The door
in question opened outward and upon
the top of a flight of stairs leading to
the cellar. The latch was old and
out of order, and the least pressure
would cause it to fly open. In pursu-
anee of deep-laid plan, Miss Ecks so
nodded her conversation as to place the
visitor at his ease. In very few mo-
ments, he ceased to twist his fingers and
writhe his legs, and presently tilted back
his chair after the manner of a content
ed and happy man. No sooner did the
back of the chair touch the door than
the latter flew open, and the unhappy
guest disappeared into the cellar with a
tremendous crash. Checking Theory
that arose from the astonished clergy
man, Mrs. Ecks quietly reclOsed the IA
tai door, placed fresh chair in the Vi
cinity, and calmly remarked, That's
one of them"
In FIVE minutes more the second
Young man entered. Like his predeces-
/ sor, he seated himself on the appointed
chair, tipped back upon its hind-legs,
and instantly vanished That's two of
them," remarked the imperturbable
beauty, as she closed the door and once
more reset the trap. From this time
until o'clock a constant succession of
young men went down those cellar
stairs. Some of them groaned slightly
after reaching the bottom, but not one
returned. 1t was an unusually good
night for young men, and Miss Ecks
I caught no less than IA between Z and 3
} O'Clock. As the last one disappeared
/ she turned to her Mortified clergyman
! and said, THAT'S the last of themi
/ Now for businessi" but that mild young
man had tainted. His nerves were I'M
able to bear the strain, and when the
moment of his wished-for monopoly of
his betrothed had arrived he was una
ole to enjoy it.
Later in the evening he revived suf-
ficiently to seek a railway station and
fly forever from his remorseless charm
en- The inquest that was subsequently
held upon the fourteen young men will
long be remembered as a most impress
i've scene. Miss Ecks was present with
her back hair loose, and the tears stood
in her magnificent eyes as she testified
that she could not imagine what in
duced the young men to go down eel
lar The jury without the slightest hes
itation found that they had one and all
committed suicide, and the Coroner per-
sonally thanked the young lady for her
lucid testimony. She is now more pop
ular than ever, and, with the loss of her
own accepted lover, has renewed her
former fondness for society, and night
ly entertains all the surviving young
men of Vallejo.
This shows what the magnificent eli
mate can accomplish in the production
of girls when it really tries.-NetO York
Tygoee