The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-08-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

The topper is now spoken of as the
chap with glass sigh.
SOLILoQUY BY TIPLER.-The public
always notices when you have been drink
ing, and never when you are thirsty.
THE young man who took seat near
the object of his alteration exclaimed,
"This is juxtaposition that suits me p
The muscles of the human jaw exert
force of 534 pounds. Think of that,
young man, in choosing a partner for
life.
INGRAT1TUDE is strongest in coroner.
You may do him every kindness, and
yet you can't tell what minute he'll sit
on you.
WHAT is the difference between the
weather and the baby? One never rains
but it pours, and the other never pains
but it roars.
The individual who called tight boots
comfortable, defended his position by
saying they made a man forget all his
other miseries.
The man whose visions pictured
residence in marble halls was tomb
stone agent and got his hauls from the
friends of the deceased.
A CELEBRATED philosopher used to
say, "The favors of fortune are like
steep rocks-only eagles and creeping
things mount to the summit"
The pious colored brother learns early
in life that there is time for all things,
and that night time is the best for en-
ticjng full-grown watermelon to leave
neighbours garden patch.
AN exchange wants to know whether
insects can talk. Can't say as to that,
but you can bet your last shekel some of
them can occasionally inspire the very
iveliest kind of conversation in others.
A MAN was killed by circular saw,
and in his obituary notice it was stated
that he was "good citizen, an upright
man, and an ardent patriot, but of linn
tied information in regard to circular
saws"
To THE Editor of the New York Sua:
At o'clock DR.. Carver stepped into the
field. It had been raining hard. He
began firing at the drops, and in five
minutes had shot dry space of half an
acre around him.-EtS Perkins.
A DREAMY writer says it would be
curious to follow pound of silk from
its spinning until it becomes lady's
dress. No doubt; but most men would
prefer to follow it after it becomes a
dress, and while the lady was in it.
LITTLE Johnnie ran into the house
the other day while the mercury was
hugging 1885," with the perspiration
streaming from every pore, and shout
ed, "Mamma mamma fix me; I'm
leaking all over Cincinnati Break
fast Table.
PROFESSOR What is monarchy?"
Freshman-"A people governed by
King" Professor who would reign
if the King should die?" Freshman
"The Queen" Professor And if the
Queen should die?" Freshman"
Jack" Correct
AT festival Of lawyers and editors,
lawyer gave toast: "The editor-he
always obeys the calls of the devil"
An editor responded: "The editor and
the iawyer-the devil is satisfied with
the copy of the former, but requires the
original of the latter. %
"Ir's all very we'll to talk about how
the thermometer stands in the shade"
remarked a gentleman with a boiled
lobster-colored face. who dropped in the
other morning. "What [ want to
know is how it stands in the sun. That's
the way I have to take it. ''-Boston
Transcript.
BEFORE beginning the second psalm
for the day, Glasgow minister reached
down into his pocket and took pinch
of snuff. Even yet he can not under
stand what there was in the first verse
of the psalm to make the congregation
smile when he read, "My soul cleaveth
to the dust"
As TWO ladies were walking along the
street. one exclaimed, as the sky sud-
denly darkened "There's thunder
storm coming on. I'm so afraid of
To which the other calmly
replied: every we'll, my dear; then let
us step into this car, which seems to have
a good conductor.
THE MILKMAID AND HER LOVER.
"If thou't be mine," he fondly cried
'The priest shall join now;
Those little hands were never made
To milk kicking cow"
.' Nay, nay,' the dairy beauty said,
AS down she sat her pan;
''Td rather milk kicking cow
Than wed flirting man.
GA wAsPs' nest contains $4,000 cells"
and the greatest of these ''sells is to
sit down on the nest under the mistaken
that all the wasps have gone
70 the seaside or somewhere on visit.
A single wasp loafng in the back kitchen
will give the sitter warm reception.
And no doubt a married one would treat
lim in the same manner.
JONES went to see Brown in his new
house. EYES," said Jones, aftor crit
cal inspection of the handsomely-fur-
lished dining "most complete, I
must say; everything here but dumb
waiter; why don't you have one-eh ?"
8 Why" said Brown, "the fact is, you
NOW, don't find them asasaOer." Jones
lsked no more questions.