The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-03-21
PASSING SMILES.

PREcoc1oUs boy (munching the fruit
of the date tree Mamma, if eat
dates enough will | grow up to be an
almanac
every advantagep' 80 yes; but
couldn't think of taking the advantage
of you, father"
THEODORE TIIToN wears long hair,
and the Princeton Sophomores regret
that he was Freshman before their
time.-Fond duLdc Reporter.
Iowa is one of the greatest States in
the country for lead, and more ten-cent
pieces are taken up in church collections
there than any place in the Union.
A CAUTIOUS Chicago lover wrote let
ters to his sweetheart in ink that would
speedily fade out, so that when she de-
sired to use them in breach of promise
suit they would be only blank paper.
1t was rich manufacturer of New
Jersey who said to his guests: Ladies
and gentlemen, after the grapes We
shall have beefstake and masharoons,
and then venison, straight from Venice"
In the species with which we are best
acquainted-namely, our OWL am far,
says writer, even as an observer of hu-
man life, from thinking that youth is
the happiest season, much less the only
happy one.
THE wise man makes equity and JUS
tice the basis of all his conduct, the
right forms the rule of his behavior,
Difference and modesty mark his ex-
terror, sincerity and fidelity serve him
for accomplishments.
TEACHER WITH READING CLASS
Boy (readingG G"And as she sailed down
the river" Teacher-"Why are ships
called sheT' Boy (precociously alive to
the responsibilities of his sex. Be
cause they need men to manage them"
A AsIx-YEAR-oLD, who was found put
ting himself outside of various good
things at rapid rate Just after complain
ing of inward gripping, said to his won
dering parent that he didn't mean to
leave any room for that stomach-ache."
A CANDID Kentucky editor advances
the suggestion that a special tax of five
dollars on each pistol owned in the State
would beat the bell-punch plan for tax
alton all hollow. He wants to tax 'em
by the barrel, instead of by the drink.
THE COCK AND THE SUN.
A cock sees the as he climbs up the east;
." Good morning, sir Sun, it's high time you ap-
Pve been calling you up for an hour at least
Pm ashamed of your slowness at this time Of
Year!"
The sun, as he quietly rose into view,
Looked down on the cock with show of fine scorn;
" You may not be aware, my young friend, but it's
true,
That rose once or twice before you, sir, were
borniD i p, R..i7 ST. NichoLdg.
IF Joaquin Miller knew that the earth
is only visible to the moon, Mercury,
Mars and Venus, out of all the myriad
denizens of space, perhaps he wouldn't
wrap himself up in a scarlet blanket
every time he goes out for strut down
roadway.-Breakfast Table.
Now, boys, cut this out and leave it
on your fathers plate at breakfast time:
A Cincinnati man, named Sullivan,
dropped dead from aneurism of the
aorta, the result of exertion and excite
ment, while in the act of chastising his
son.-Jersey City Evening Journal.
1T has been discovered at the station
houses that there are sixteen different
methods of spelling the word soup. All
of them have P as one of the essential
elements. Here they are: Soup, cupe,
supe, soop, soape, soupe, coupe, sewp,
coup, suup, sup, suep, supp, sowp, supp.
THE fog has its uses in Paris. Two ser
wants were heard eonversing; one said,
"What fun that fog wasp How so~
answered the other. Because" re-
turned the first, d" all the time I spoke
| to my master / kept my hat on, and when
he answered me / stuck my tongue out at
him."
Up in the loft the old man kept keg
of the very best. The carpenter who
had been working on the first floor was
found in the loft and he tried to fool the
old gent by saying that he had "just
come up to measure rafter." The old
man simply winked and said, / think
you rafter my measure"
The Chinese play game called tan,
| in which small buttons are thrown from
a box, like dice, and the players guess
whether the number is odd or even.
| Wong All Lee was caught, in San Fran
cisco, using box that had a slot to hold
a button, with spring so arranged as
to drop or retain it at will. His COM
panions cut off his cue.
A DANBURY man recently went to
l see n Ill du lCeiOoe' AAO
stood moment before fine locking
man he had seen before at the 'institu-
ton, and inquired his name, Julius
Caesar, sir" said the lunatic. "Why,
YOU we're Alexander when / was here
before, were you not?" '"Oh, why yes,
but that was by former wife" said the
crazy man, not at all disconnected.
The frequency of attempts to break
the wills of persons who die in New
York calls from one of the newspapers
the suggestion that +" any person who
thinks of making an eccentric will, had
better give over the notion. 1t would
!, be much more straightforward and
answer the same purpose to leave the
money direct to the Bar Association or
to the Judges, to be divided among the
leading counsel"
: A TEMPERANCE reformer, having
heedlessly set foot upon a rattlesnake,
sped to saloon and quaffed quart OF
!, whisky at single draught, which OBJ
!. serving, the bystanders jeered him fol
|, his inconsistent conduct. Nay, nay,
|. fellows" quoth he, you overlook an
essential point of difference between III
: while drink because have seen
: snake, YOU see snakes because you
f have drunk" Moral-What'son one snake
/, potion is another mans drink.
e How Bulgarian Traders Quarrel.
l. A dispute not unfrequently arises anC