The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-11-21

gallows, This life is but hemp-tie
show"
We go East for the precious metals
and to the West for solid meat-for gold
to the Ore.int, and for beef to the Oxdent.
N Y. Mail: Putting a bent pin in
chair is very amusing practical joke.
1t never iails to excite mans rse-
ability.
As the cold weather comes on, let US
warn our agricultural friends against
friends against sticking their fingers into
a cornsheller to warm them.
One of our reliable western exchanges
notes the fact that at recent temper
ance convention at Deadwood water
flowed like whisky.
There are three kinds of calf skins,
French calves skins, and cows which are
also calves kin. a. .
Men may come and men may go, but
we want to see the man who will come to
town in a two horse wagon and not go to
a crossing to stop his team. 1 .-t-.a .
Another sulphur spring has been found
this time at Herkimer, N. Y Andyet
Bob Ingersoll says there is novel;,
never mind what Bob says.
The drowsy inrocent wasp comes in
doors these fine, cool autumn days; he
is no aristocrat, this wasp he picks you
up with one tine of his fork.
Queen Victoria keeps four pet poodles,
and every man who calls on her royal
nibs wishes he was on pair of stilts as
he walks thr rough the front hall.
The English Shakers sing and kick
each other they sing. Over here it is
usually the people who have no part in
the singing feel most like doing the kick
ing
We always thought it was a happy
thing for the Apostle Paul that he died
before Christian people began almost
to name their parrots after
him.
A Utica poet saw dead goose floating
N the river, and he Immediately went
DIFF in the woods and wrote sonnet en-
titled, Down on the old Mohawk"
Professor Edison is inventing ma
chine to turn over the festive slap jack
while the hired girl sits in the corner
and reads the latest novel. Move on,
great army of progress.
An American traveller in Galway saw q
pig in peasants house, and said why,
you have a pig in there p "Shure," said
he of Galway, "the house has all the con-
that a raysonable pig re-
luoires" '.-- --l % .II- IT,
One Of the negroes who was lynched in
Indiana the other day, had recently been
oardoned for an offense similar to that
or which he was hung And Blue Jeans
was his pardner.
For twenty FIVE dollars worth of adver-
Using Chicago publisher offers to send
is book which retails at dollar and
lalf The work is called "On the Road
% Riches" aud if we were to accept all
uch propositions we should soon be On
he Road to Poverty.
About this time Prince Bismarck steps
around to his tailor's and remarks, Say,
Schneider, just put copper lining to
lem goat and bants, will your l dinks
,ooty sudden maybe"
Prisoner at the bar" said the Judge"
is there anything you wish to say be-
ore sentence is passed upon you ?" The
prisoner looked wistfully toward the
loor, and remarked that he would like
o say good evening"" if it would be
greeable to the company. But they
wouldn't let him.
An agent who had sold Dutchman
ome goods, was to deliver them in the
tternoon at tie residence of the pur.
haser. The Dutchman gave him the
directions You shoost goes
'ehind the church, den you turns up de
light for while TIL you see house NIT
big hog in the yard. Dots me-"
A crack Drained young man, who was
lighted by the females, very modestly
sked a young lady if she would let him
pend the evening with her. No" she
ngrily replied, that's what l won't"
Why, he replied. you needn't be so
ussy | dldu mean this evening, but
ONE stormy one, when | can't go any
vhere else"
A Georgia farmer bought grand
piano tor his daughter His house is
mall, aud in order to economic room
he lower part of the partition between
,he kitchen and the psrlor was cut out,
and the long end OF the piano stuck
through. Priscilla now sits at the key
board, singing Who will care for mother
now Z? and the mother rolls out dough
nuts on the other end of the piano in the
kitchen.