Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1878-03-30

WA
One evening, after the children had
warmed grandtather's slippers and put
them on his feet, a belated peddlar came
along with a patent five. barred gate to
sell. The servant told him that the
was not only well supplied with
gates, but that every horse on the farm
had a gate of his own. The peddler
moved on with a sigh.
"The parable of the peddler and the
fve-barred gate" said grandfather,
" serves to show us the inferiority Of the
present raceof bipeds who infest the earth
to-day and call themselves men, as com
pared with the rugged sons of toll who
lived in my generation"
"Tell us about them" cried the
children, who had gathered about his
knee.
That's what Pm trying to do, amt
it ?" said grandfather, and he glared
~savagely over the groIp of upturned
faces. Grandfather despises to be inter
upted.
THAT peddler, if he shows no more
backbone and enterprise at other places
than he did here, will probably pack his
patent fve,barred gate into eternity
without taking IN order. After ! gradu.
ated from college my parents wanted
me to be a doctor or a lawyer. They lett
the matter to me, however, and choose
| to introduce into society a patent squirtN
can, cockroach and bedbug poison COM
bined.
"To show the wide difference between
my vigorous style of pushing business
and this go,easy manner of the latter-day
patent f~ve-barred gate gentry, | will
give you a little insight into my style,
: in the days when we were young,
Maggie so to speak,
"The combined squirt can, cockr0ach
and bed>bug poison, of which | was the
sole agent, was an excellent article for
the household, but it required pushing.
| never allowed myself to be put off with
a servants ruse, as was the man with the
fve-barred gate. l seon learned that
success depended on getting in the house
and making a short but eloquent speech
on the merits of the article direct to the
family. In those days, as now, servants
were instructed to admit no %peddlers,
This did not trouble me much, but it
gave me some additional work. AS, for
instance:
"When a servant would com to open
the door in answer to my ring, your
grandfather would be on the alert, and,
as soon asst was opened enough to admit
my arm, your grandfather would
reach in, seize the servant by the
throat and drag her out upon the stoop,
There | would explain matter to the
gentle gazelle. / would tell her | was
an officer of the government, armed to
the teeth. In accordance with an act OF
congress | vas introducing a patent squirt
can, cockroach and bedbug poison com
bined. / would tell her / had not
dragged her out of doors and choked hel
until she was black in the face because
loved to do such things. My DISPOSE
ton is as sweet as the sucking doves
Anybody in the employ of the govern
ment could tell her that. | was obeyine
instructions from headquarters. Gov
ernment appreciated the necessity o
, keeping cockroaches and bedbugs in s
state Of subsection. As its agent | an
instructed to enter every house in this
broad land, peaceably if possible, torcibly
If necessary, and sell the inmates The
wonderful squirt can, ETC., at the rate o
+ fifty cents a can, or three cans TO: ~ with
printed direction on every label. Then
, would assume a fierce aspect and bid he
HE around to the back yard and STAY
; there until | contaminated my trade
As she shot around the corner my part
, ing words always were, And halk We
If you make any cutlery or sound any
alarum of distress, I'll seek you out ant
shoot you so full of holes that Lhere'll b.
forty men here before tomorrow morninI
t to buy your hide for a fish. net The
: your grandfather would enter the house
l tell the folks that the servant had beel
kind enough to show me in, salute then
right and left and make my pretty littl
t speech This was always delivered witt
l such fine effect, together with a practice
; application of the wonderful contents Q
}, the can whenever a cockroach or bedbu
i. showed his head, that | only failed to SCI
my preparation to those families VIII
! intended moving in the spring, and
cleared 81 900, 900 in a year"
Here grandfather's head fell forwar
a on his breast and he began to snore. Th
/ children shook him up, and begged this
e he would tell them about his prett
:, speech.
"Tll speech you" shouted grandfatht
as he shook the children off OF him. g.
you don't mind your business now ar
let me sleep when I want to, I'll CT
every one OF you into shoestrings."
J, After a few minutes had elapse,
| mamma said she could not understan
how some people could tell such awfl
stories as they did, and be able to sleep
: wink in a lifetime"
I Papa said he supposed they got used
: it-[Oil City Derrick.