Litchfield enquirer., 1878-04-18
CLIPPINGS.
Bound to occur-a muZZle. This has been a Bland winter.


 This has been Bland winter. There's one redeeming feature about our na- ". It doesn't require sinking fund.
 Waste nothing-I hay seen the time would l giv 3 dollars and a half for single frikshun match.-[ [JoSh Billings Count Schouvelofrs way of putting it, Polish doctors hanged by General Gourko" !? Nonsense Only polished off!
 The Boston Advertiser is shocked because ladies who are averse to growing old are al- ways adopting new wrinkles.
 '.The book trade is affected, suppose by the general depression. What kind of books feel it most p "Pocketbooks was the laconic reply.
 bio Lewis says man need not sneeZe unless he wants to. He has figured it up, and finds that by not sneezing man can save nearly Sl1 | year.
 A crying want-To come down to actual business, what the country imperatively de- mands is more honorary commissioners to the Paris Exposition.
 "You must pay me five mlliards of frances" says Russia to Turkey. Most willingly" re, plies Turkey. ''only lend me ten frances now and add it to the amount"
 "Everv cloud has a silver lining" But that is no consolation, after all when you reflect that things are never worn with the lining side out.
 A poor woman, coming from wretched garret in an inland manufacturing town for the first time to see the seashore gazing at the ocean, said she was glad for once in her Fife, to see something which there was enough | of.
 At bedtime little Willie was saving the usual | prayer at his mothers knee and having got as far as "If 1 should die before wake. :" hesital- | ed. "Well, what's next ?" asked his mother ''Well, s'pose the next thing would be a fu- neral"
 A Boston paper says: "A butterfly was caught at the South End yesterday" l. may be safe enough to catch abutterfly at the South End, but when you go to grab wasp you want to catch it at the northeasterly end, shift ing westerly toward the head.
 "Maria. observed Mir. Holcomb, as he was putting on his clothes there aint no patch on them brooches yet" ''I can't fix it now, no way, Pm too busy" 'Well give me the patch then, an I'll carry it around with me. don't want people to think can't afford to buy the cloth"
 When reproved for failing to keep an engage ment with another gentleman. d brave but de- voted Utica husband replied: My dear sir, my intentions were excellent but man with red-haired wife is liable to break many en- agreements against his will.
 Where was Bishop I.atimer burned ,o death ?' asked the teacher, in commanding voice. Joshua knows said little girl at the bottom of the class. Well" said the teacher, ''if Joshua knows, he may tell" lin the fire, replied Joshua. looking very grave and wise
 Il shall die happy" said an expiring hus. band to his wife who was weeping most duii- fully at his bedside, If you will promise not to marry that object of my unceasing ieal0Isv. your cousin John Make yourself quite easy, my love, said the expected widow. .T am engaged to his brother Bill"
 ''GOing to call on young lady. I supposc.'' the barber asked. The young man. with much dignity, replied ''See here, my friend, do you suppose put perfumery on my mustache be- cause I'm going to see man or a boy, or an old woman or baby in arms: Do men gath CT grapes of thorns or figs of missiles 7"
 On the 18th instant book canvasser fell down the depot stairs in Danbury and brokr his leg, an insurance agent in Monroe lost two fingers in hay cutter, and a tree-peddler in BroOk-feld was knocked down and run over by meat-cart. The Ne,cs proposes thai the 18th of march be made legal holiday.
 This is the time when the voice of the lover of turtle soup is heard in the land when the stubborn and secretive hen seeketh the next door neighbor's hay-mow to scratch a nest for her eggs when the country bard exhausts his yearning brain in verses, and when the bucolic editor makes an ass ofhimself by print ing them.
 There is panic in La Rochelle, France. People are selling out and leaving for parts unknown. The awful prospect of living with Consul Punster Catlin, who has the whole of the French language before him, is too much for the long suffering inhabitants Rochelle hath no terrors like punster spreading deso- lation in brand-new language.
 Colonel Dexter s. Toilet of Bostop m, knowing that his revolver was loaded. gave it to his eight year old boy to play with, and the little fellow playfuly shot his father behind the ear with it. It didn't kill the colonel But that is not surprising. We wouldn't suppose you could kill man who would give child pistol to play with, by shooting him in the head"
 Another round of weeks, ana then
 The litslec child of sin
 Will hur He the forbidden fence
 And scoop the pippin in.
 And with his martial spirit aueTIed
 By pain his thefts haaet,
 Hen clutch his Ii tlo vest and wish
 He had no apple eat.
 1t is easy enough. Suppose you have mail. ed a letter in your coat pocket and carried it there for three weeks? Sit down and write: You will observe by the date of the within, my dear mother in-law, that Eliza forgot to hand 1t to me until to day. It has been bang ed around in the bureau drawer, and is rather soiled in consequence. must talk to Eliza. She IS getting more careless and forgetful ev- cry day"
 A heartless civil service reformer in one Of the Hudson River counties of New York laid a snare for the school commissioner of bis district in this wise. He wrote to the aforesaid commissioner as follows 'I have daugh- ter, Flora, who will be unable to attend ths examination of teachers. Please send a cer- tificate of first grade by return mail and obge Smith. Smith was obliged by return mail, and the correspondence, with copy of the certiti- cate issued to Miss Flora, who is two wears old. was furnished to the local papers by Smih. The school commissioner has lost all cunf- dence in human nature.