The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1878-03-05
MISCELLANY.


A minister once preached from the
! text, "Be We therefore steadfast." The
printer made him say. BE ys there for
breakfast"
A New York barber has a parrot
which shouts "next," and thus the
thread OF the BARRIERS discourse 10 not
interrupted.
The printer who is so distrustful of
his knowing better as to follow copy
will go to heaven, but he will be vary
! lonesome.
"I can't undertake, wife, to crafty
/ all your whims ID would be as much
ns my life is worth" "Oh, sir. that's
nothing"
The difference between perseverance,
and obstinacy is. that one often comes
from a strong will, and the othsr from
a strong won't.
II is confidently believed that every
modern hackman was in the cavalry ser
vice during the war. and hence his au-
dscity in charging.
Tie man with the little browa ing
I hns 10 watch it n0N-a-days, or his
/ wife will paint it all up aud store it
away on the mantel-piece for a "cera-
mic"
Safety comes of too frequent repeti-
/ ton, aud he who will never give him
/ self leisure 20 be thirsty can never find
the true pleasure of drinking. Mon
/ taiHe.
After the declaration-"This is, pels
haps. not the first mitten you have re-
ceived, Mr.. Brown ?" But perhaps
the first you have ever given, Miss
! Smith
/ A father was winding his watch,
when he said playiully to bis little
girl, "Let me wind your nose up"
"No,' said the child, ~ don't want my
nose wound mp, for l don't want it to
run all day !"
A lady correspondent. who assumes
| to know how boys ought to be trained.
writes as follows "Oh, mothers hunt
out the soft, tender, genial side Of
your boys nature" Mothers often do
with an old shoe.
The Cincinnati Commercial says:
| "Why is il that editors never commit
suicide ?" The Burlington Hawkeye
| has investigated this subject q little,
and thinks it is because the druggists
won't sell strychnine on long time.
"Did she return your love ?" inquir-
ed q sympathizing friend of n young
man whe intimated that he had some
difficulty with his sweetheart. "Yes,
she returned it, aud that is exactly
where tho trouble is. She said she
didn't want il. ;"
whats your name 2" said an officer
TO a young colored lad who joined his
ship at the cape. "Algoa Bay, SIR"
where were you born ?" "wasn't
born at ALL" "Wasn't born ut all p"
"No, sir; was washed ashore In .
town"
A Lowell. Mass, firm recently sent Q
lot Of bills West for collection. The
list came back with the result noted
against each name, one being marked
dead" Three months after the same
bill got into q new lot that was for
warded, and when the list came back
the name was marked "still dead"
Several men recently swan the Mis-
sissippi river above New Orleans on Q
wager. A reporter on the race says,
None OF them seemed TO be putting
forth much effort till il was discovered
that an alligator had struck out from
shore rs a competitor, and then-well,
every man did his best 10 keep the alli-
gator from carrying of the stakes.
There are being distributed in show
ers all over the city, like feathers from
ths bird Of orthodoxy, little slips Of
paper having printed upon them this
momentous question Where will
YOU spend eternity, in Heaven or in
hell ?" Bob Ingersoll having abolish
ed Heaven and Henry Ward Beecher
hell, the average man is sadly puzzled
: how TO choose. Boston Herald.
MARK Twain" introduced William
ID. Howells to n Hartford audience q
. few evenings since in manner following
to.wit: "The gentleman who is now to
address you is the editor Of the Allan
tic Mouthly. He has n reputation in
. the literary world which / need not say
, anything about. I am only here 10
, back up his moral character.
A lover OF good coffee entered q gro
Gerry recently, and holding up q hand
. ful Of coffee from big can, he inquir-
I ed "Are there any beans in this cof-
! fet?" "No sir, promptly replied the
grocer. "How do you knovf" asked
the man. "Because I was ont Of beans
aud bad TO put peas inl' was the an
/ swer.
A lorist was showing an Irishman
over his establishment the other day.
r Now" said he, well just look for q
. moment at the terminating house."
I The German 'ating house. is it2" re-
2 piled the other. "rroth, and I'm glad
4 Tor it's hungry am. But isn't there
q some Irish drinking saloon Just as
! handy?"
Eli Per kins having spoke Of JEFF Ds-
Wis as a traitor, the Atlanta Constitu-
ton says: "rhe South il full of just
~ t~astora "a Jon navs. Tr,o.~u