The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-12-05
EVERYDAY sPlCERIEs.


u
THE man who doesn't advertise, like
Enoch Arden, sees no sale from day to
day Utica Observer. e
a WISE man will never lift lid off
the stove with his fingers more than
once.-Hackensdck Republican.
A FINELY turned limb-a wooden
leg.-Rome Sentinel. A we'll rounded
arm-a reyolyer.-Neao York Mail
Poverty stares many a man in the
face; but, says the Elmira Gazette, the
corner loafer does the business for the
women.
AN elegantly-bound copy Of Sankey's
songs was put up at church TAR ana
raffied for. Wasthis a game OF chants I
I - Whitehall Times.
MATRIMoNY is q holy institution:
Not only does it unite man to his best
friend. but it furnishes, q good living
for thousands of divorce lawyers. Ia
change.
Now that the elections are over, afellow
has got to think up some new excuse for
being out late at nights, and having ms
vest pocket full. of coffee berrles-Sfats-
aoater L,nbernaan.
Our police are too fat.-N Y Com.
Ado. It's their club life that does it.
But lust lead one of them to corner
lamp.post, and see how easily you can
make him lean.-P Philadelphia Buttettn.
BRIDGET LARK1Ns, of Troy, was sent
to iail, there to remain until she coula
tell the truth. Every well, yer Honor, "
said the unhappy lady, with long sigh,
"begorra, it's life sentence. - BuUdto
| E9press.
THE annual ceremonial of swearing
| in the Lord Mayor of London has Just
been performed in the customary man
| ner. Here the swearing is generally
done by the fellow who does not get in.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
1T gals the proud spirit of a man to
stand sLivering in the cold, winter blasts
and see liyer-colored pup trot by in an
ulster. when he can't raise the money to
buy a secondhand army overcoat.-
Ksokuk Constitution.
| ACCORDING to the Elmira Gazette,
woman takes her nightcap, looks IN the
glass, and jumps into bed; the old man
looks in the glass, takes his nlghtcap
and-generally stays up all night. a
distinction with decided difference.
| THERE'S many boy who suffers ex
cruciatingly in going up the hill to 9
/ neiehbor's after their brass kettle to boil
cider in, who will snatch sled up the
same hill, as soon as the snow tails,
forty times in half day, and yell
"hurrah, boys" every time. = Syracstst
Times.
"THERE," said fellow, as a parsi-
monious old gent turned his nose to-
ward the setting sun: there is some.
! thing Won don't toften hear of. 4What?'
/. inquired the friend "a niser's beak
west,n was the reply. A stony silence
fell on the congregation.-Keokuk Con-
stit,tion.
THERE is no poet but Burns. Colonel
Ingersoll is right. 1t is only the heart
that is born in poesy and swathed in
poetic fire that could sing:
I ow dang the gleuch that caaed the dykeside kal
| Ye ma hae tint the meikle strike drown;
Ae lippen jouk gaed couthie ilk the wall,
AM meal-pock ding the aud lang-shaftMed M spune
!
1 AN exchange, speaking of an accident
which happened to an old gentleman,
says: Upon examination it was found
that he had sustained fracture OF the
neck of the femur within the capsulal
ligament.n Hal 1t was fortunate tina
he did not agitate the pericaTdium o
the cerebellum, and thus destroy th'
iuxtaposition between the thyroclasti
nerve and the optimus Amhakj ~
a bad enough case as it is, but we thinl
he will pull through. -Keokuk Con
HORSE talk, such as that indulged il
by the sporting baronet in the aJealou
Wife, is now fashionable in Englis
society. "Awl introduce me to tina
little filly standing beside the old cob i
black. She PAGES well. IN y. Consnscl
ciaI. We don't know how this may sui
the English society mind, but if We eve
hear a fellow talking that way abor
! our sister, we shall beat him for the al
: that he is.-Jersey City journal. Thel
are few people you would not beat /
|, that capacity.-Boston Traveller.
!, You may wander at your own swet
/ will in dreamy listlessness through tn
q woods, taking in with eager eye th
beauty of the golden tints of the foliag,
and the calm, subdued light of the or
of day as it comes slanting through th
trees; but, inspiring as every thing
! around you, you will nevertheless Los
= all your interest for the time being whe
= you receive a charge of buckshot i
! your calves, which was evidently il
. tended for some other animal Hdcke'
: sack Republican.
EPIGRAMs.
q pompous attorney, while trying cause,
The witness who owed him personal grudge,
:, Provoked him until he appealed to the Judge,
h "I demand SIR" he cried, with hery red face
IA little attention while trying this case"
0 H Your Honor" responded the meek little man,
O "Pm paying as iiaie as any one can"
The Judge. with frown,
;. Looked solemnly down
n On the squabble, and said, from the bench vhe
W he sat,
J "We want nothing but silence, and lille of that
h Said young Romeo Butts to Miss Caribel Cults,
(Asthey stood in parlor resplendent with hgh
y With a wearisome sigh, 90, can not tell why,
is But somehow, feel like fool here tonight
Said Miss Claribel Cuts to young Romeo Butts,
With pitiless smile that she could not conce
eyes your face would betray, ] am sure, what ,
q For YOU certainly look all you say that you fee
n 40 husband lr said Mrs Ophelia McMunn.
As she gazed at her willful aud passionate son,
y "Where that boy got his temper never tonia 3
le Pm certain he never could take 1t from me.
=. uNn douht nv desr wife. your q Rertion ie true