The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1878-12-05
Newspaper Waits.

Newspaper Waits.
Englands note to Afghanistan- Whoa,
Emir!''
| The sky, unlike man, is most cheerful
when the bluest.
Hungary would be all right were it not for
her miserable Diet.
The business of rag gathering is picking
up.
I A Ward has considerable to do with this
fishery question.
81 don't like winter,' said one pickpocket
to another. Everybody has his hands in
his pockets"
Economy is wealth. Even the stovepipe
is coming out with its last winters SCOT.
A French provincial play-bill announces
| that ''the roles of thieves will be played by
| amateurs OF the town.
| The manufacturer Of Fly paper" wrote
to publisher asking his terms for an adver-
| tisement on the fy-leaf of book.
No freshman has sinlang Of the heart so
long as there's bit of Cork in him.
"Look out for paint!'' shouted boy in
the gallery of Chicago theatre when the
| hero of the play kissed the heroine.
The Kronikze- Herald says Philadelphia
has but ''half the cheek and bluster of New
York. All, and what fortunate city has
the other half?
Ypsiianti, Michigan, is one of the few OF
the immortal American towns that can't
poke fun at the Afghanis.an war names.
A Kentucky editor says that in one week
he was addressed as Governor" "Gener-
al.'' ':Colonel," ''Major," "Parson," and
ODD Hoss."
The Grecian Navy is composed entirely OF
tug boats. This is historical. ''When Greeks
Joined Greeks, then was the tug of war
The viglant mother changes the seat OF
government every time she puts new
breadth in her boys trowsers.
Never blush and giggle ''te-hc- he-he,'
when a good looking young man remarks to
you that the weather is somewhat cooler.
William Augustus to sleepy room mate
ssComc, John Henry, why don't you get up
with the lark, as do?" john Henry GRIM
ly s'Been up with him all night
ssWhat,'' asks correspondent. ''causes
the hair to fall out = Before We answerwe
must know whether you are married or sin
gle. This is important to a true understand
ing of the case.
French papers state that Gambetta is about
to marry widow with fortune of $S,0Oo,-
900. If the right-angled and everlasting
truth were told it would probably be that he
was about TO marry a fortune of sS,OO0,ooO
with a widow.
liThe Manchester Courier gives this caption
to brief criticism of the Dispatch'S at
tempt to make Mr.. Thurman the embodi-
ment of the Democratic party-''One idea,
doctor, my daughter seems to be going
blind, and she's just getting ready for her
wedding, too Oh, dear me, what is to be
done:" ''Let her 60 right on with the we'd
ding, madam, by all means. If anything
can open her eyes, marriage will"
"Beggars can't be choosers,' says an old
adage. We take notice that beggar got
into the hall the other day. aud chose from
the hat-rack forthwith three hats, one UNI
brella, and our best sealskin overcoat This
knocks the sawdust out of tina. adage.
The Boston Advertiser wants to know the
reason why there is no pleasure in smoking
in the dark. We will give the reason if the
Advertiser will promise not to tell. 1t is be-
cause one cannot enjoy smoke until he has
light.
The most absent-minded man was moi the
man who hunted for his pipe when he had
! it between his teeth, nor the one who threw
his hat out of the window and tried to hang
his cigar on a peg no, but the man who put
his un. brella to bed and went and stood up
behind the door.
''Second class in grammar stand up said
the schoolmaster ''John is. What does
John correspond with 20 81 know" said
| the little boy at the foot, holding up his
| hand. ''If you mean John Smthers, he cor
responds with my sister Susan.
W. H. Anderson, the Shiriff of Dallas,
Texas, who has been in pursuit Of VIM. Col
Inns, one of the famous band of train robbers
of that region, found his man in Pembina,
Dakota, a few days ago, and attempted to
arrest him. Collins resisted, and the men
exchanged shots with fatal effect, both drop
ping dead in two minutes.
A suit IS pending in New York brought by
James A. Whalen against General Sheridan
to recover nearly half million dollars for
alleged losses throug h the action of the de-
PENDANT i'll dispossessing the plaintiff of
sugar plantation near New Orleans in 1867.
| Owing to the absence Of General Butler,
| who is counsel for Whalen. the case went
over till Monday next.
Previous to the arrival of King Humbert
at Rome on Monday placards were seized
| threatening death to all who joined in the
ovation to the King. 1t was also reported
| that dynamite was found on the rails shortly
| before the royal train passed on its way to
Rome. Socialists have been arrested in Pa
| dua and San Sepulcro.
The Berlin Post says the effect Of the AT
CHAN war will be that England will have to
renounce the effort to maintain Turkish rule
| in Eastern Roumelia, because even if sue
cessful in Afghanistan she will need her In
dian troops in Asia, and canot brandish
them as a threat in the European theatre OF
| war.
s"THE FIRST DOSE GIVES RELIEF. -
| Trial Bottles DR.. Swayne's Compound Syr-
up of Wild Cherry, Is Cents. The distress
ing cough, which threatened serious results,
| is quickly cured before developing a fatal