The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-08-01


wOman's hair is so complicated that it
is difficult to tell which is switch
Washington Post.
On, he an ardent lover was;
He worphiped every inch of ground
WhercOn the maiden trOd, because
She never walked except around
The place whereof he knew that she
Would certainly the heiress be.
WHEN bridegroom finds all the
clothes he owns in the world hung one
over the other ON a hook behind the
pantry door, he realizes for the first
time that the honeymoon is over.-Ass-
dreWs' Bazar.
WILLIAM came running into the
house the other day and asked eagerly:
"Where does charity begin?'' cat
home," was replied, Gin the words of
the proverb.' "Not by a good DEAL"
rejoined the boy; cit begins at sea co.,"
A STOCK EXCHANGE bear is described
as person who sells what he has not
got; bull as a man who buys what he
cannot pay for; and " financing as
''buying shares by a man who doesn't
want them from one who has none to
sell.''
A POLITICIAN gave this advice to his
sOn-in-law, who was nominated for Of
flee: "Lean little toward every
thing, and commit yourself to nothing.
Be round, be perfectly round, like bot
tie, and just dark enough SO that no.
body can see what's in ye.'
THERE are many women in the better
walks of life who have imbibcd the love
of strong drink, and it is charged that
the drunkenness among them, to con-
siderable extent, is due to the practice
of physicians in recommending the use
of liquors as stimulants. Chicago Jour-
n0k
"IT's time we were coming to our
census" as the man said to his wife
when neither of them was quite GER
tain as to whether it required nine chip
hats and eleven calico dresses, or nine
calico dresses and eleven chip hats to
go around the family.-Brookville DEM
Ocrat.
JUDGE BRADLEY T. JOHNSON argues.
in an elaborate paper in the american
Lao ReuieU for July, that the States of
the Union can be compelled by judg-
ment of the National Supreme Court,
supported by the force of the Union, to
pay their debts when they have practi-
cally repudiated them.
A CALIFORNIA paper tells of q hen
that has mania for laying in umbrel-
las. Now that umbrellas are so cheap
there is no difficulty about laying them
in, but the prevailing mania is for Dor
rowing and not returning them. If
that hen had been on-nest, she would
have kept away from the umbrella
stand.-Philalelphia Bulletin.
A YOUNG and pretty girl stepped into
shop where spruce young man, who
had long been enamored but dared not
speak, stood behind the counter selling
drapery. In order to remain as long
as possible she cheapened everything,
and at last she said, 81 believe you
think I am cheating YOU" "Oh, no,
said the youngster; to me you are al.
ways fair "Wcll," whispered the
lady, blushing. as she laid an emphasis
on the word, II would not stay so long
bargaining if you were not SO dear"
The potato-bugs attempted to fly
over Saratoga Lake, in New York, Ia
boring under the impression, doubtless,
that it was mere pond. They mis-
calculated as to distance, and it was
noticed that, being unable to reach the
opposite shore, they dropped to the
surface Of the water, and were at once
carried under by the immense schools
of fish in it. The farmers at once be.
gan to rejoice at what they regarded
as an almost Providential radiance OF
the pests, but soon their gladness was
turned into fresh trouble, for it was
found that the fish, unable to digest the
hard shells of the bugs, died, and were
washed up on the shore in large guam
titles. Many of them have been found
filled with hundreds of the bugs.
"DO THEY miss me at home?'' muir
INJURED young Mr.. Thompson, about
1880 last p. M, lido they miss me st
homer" Young Mr.. Thompson is about
thirteen years old; he had been bathing
in the mighty Father of Waters, in di-
rect and willful disobedience of pater-
nal orders, and if he could have seen
the calm, resolute expression of pa
thence that at that very moment was
settling down on his fathers face like
a summer cloud, the while he trimmed
the leaves off pitiless looking apple
switch, his suspense would have been
allayed. He would have known how
certainly and how profoundly he had
been missed, ard there would, or would
not, have been comfort in the knowl-
edge, as the case might be.-Burling-
ton HaUk-Eue.