West-Jersey pioneer., 1878-07-25
MISCELLANEOUS.
Early fruit catches the worm.

The gentle hand leads the elephant by a
hair.
The path of duty-Through the Custom
House.
Slave of the still-Servant in deaf and
dumb asylum.
There is a wag in every household where
dog is kept.
A wasp is coward, one of your fre-in-
the rear fellows.
Quarrels could not last long were but
prudence on one side.
The Peace Congress is rapidly and effect
ually slicing up Turkey.
Americans try to be English in everything
except the English language.
A Greenback Club in Boston has nomi-
mated Ben Butler for President.
Life is full of rainbows to the woman
who can crowd her foot into No. shoe.
1t turns out that two men lately hanged
by mob in Gallatin, Tenn, were entirely
innocent.
Printers ink used in the form of an ad-
vertisement, will prevent store door from
sticking.
During a discussion on the locality of
he'll boy put in with, SIT is anywhere
outside of heaven"
This is neat little expedient of mans
mistaking his wife for a burglar and shoot
ing her, but it will play out after awhile
Birds are entitled to justice. When a
man is indulging in frolic, to say he sis
out on a lark" is libel on that bird. He
is really out on swallow.
Hornets cannot talk the English language;
but when they tell a picnic party to leave
it is as clearly understood as if uttered by
the most grammatical person.
About fifty young women will take the
Harvard examination this summer-twenty
in Philadelphia, eleven in Cambridge, five
in Cincinnati and the others in New York
city.
A Bridgeport man sang and played gui-
tar for an hour before his sweetheart's house
the other evening. Then his rival appeared
at the parlor window and thanked him for
the serenade.
young man of 20 recently took to wife
Pennsylvania widow of so, the sole pro-
prietress of couple of petroleum wells
Of him it may be truly said that he loved
not wisely but two well(s).
A beautiful widow of Newport, Rhode
Island, having let her chalet for the season,
was asked what induced her to desert such
charming retreat "Too much balcony
and too little Romeo" was her reply.
Spilkins bought Goldfish the other day,
and remarked to his grocer: "S'pose I'll
have to pay for this on delivery?" "Why
SOP" inquired the dealer. -''Because," re-
piled Leander, ''it is G. o. D. fish,
Mr.. and Mrs. Monroe, of Atlantic, Iowa,
agreed to separate, but neither would con-
sent that the other should retain their baby.
They settled the question by selling the in
FAINT to neighbor for $50.
| "What constitutes marriage?' asks the
Boston Adoertiser. 'Getting down to one
cigar day in order to pour money into the
Golfers of the men who sell striped stock
ings," says the WorcAester Press.
On being asked why he went into bank
ruptcy, he replied: "Well, my liabilities
were large, my liabilities were numerous,
and my probabilities uupromising, and so
thought I'd do as my neighbors do.
The rising youth feels the need of an in
vention that will instantaneously absorb
lighted cigar, and save him the trouble and
danger of puttingit in his coat pocket when
he unexpectedly meets either of his par
ents
''Vat monster langage," says French
man; ''here read in re newspaper zat
man commit a murder, was committed to
trial, and zen committed himself to a repor-
tair. No wonder everything in America is
done by committee -
Leaning on his arm with her head almost
touching his shoulder, she said: "Mr B.,
know what makes you catch cold so easi-
ly." "What is it-?'' s'Because so much
of your body is on the groundr' Mr.. B .
has ordered new shoes.
Browns wife's went to the dentists lately
and took gas. The new set of teeth is not
ready, nor is she ready; and so there has
been peace in the Brown family for several
days. AS Brown joyfully remarked, ''Her
mouth is closed for repairs"
Two little boys were seen a few days since
on Washington street, the one with accor-
deon in hand, the other with large placard
in front, upon which was printed in large
letters: "Ladles and gentlemen, am the
mother of five children. Please help me-"
During late conference at Worohester
the following conversation was overheard
between two newsboys: 81 say, Jim, what's
the meaning of so many ministers being
here all together?" "Why," answered
Jim, scornfully, "they always meet once a
year to swap sermons"
Lowell man, who lost his good charao-
ter some time ago, was severely hauled over
| by some of his former friends. 81 know it,
boys. | know my characters gone; lot
entirely. And" he added rather pointedly,
sits too confounded bad, for it was the
only one in the place worth saving"
The fashion reporter who wrote with ref
erence to a belle, "Her feet were incased in
shoes that might be taken for fairy boots,'
tied his wardrobe up in a handkerchief and
left for parts unknown when it appeared
the next morning: ''Her feet were encased
in shoes that might be taken for ferry boats"
A ''sport, offering to make wager, was
rebuked by the party not accepting it. 81
never bet," said the latter; ''for l don't
consider it honorable" 81 think that
man who never bets is just as bad as the