St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-09-06
Squibs.
Good lambs never gambol.


Beware of woman who sings "Oh
for thousand tongues"
August is good month for setting
out bootjacks among cats.
! Some of the New Hampshire republi-
cans want Mr. Bell for governor. They
want man with some ring to him.
A contemporary informs us that Tex
ans raise hemp. We can inform our
contemporary that hemp frequently
raises Texans.-Ne,o HaUen Register.
An why is an Irishman loike ship9
asked Mike. Bedad it's because ach
wan of 'em is followed by wake, was
Pats ready reply.
Yes, said an Irish gentlemen at Long
Branch, that lady is very disagreable
at table. If lived in the same house
with her she would be the only one in
it can tell you.
The Belfast Journal says that Sears
port man, in order that his COW may be
better equipped for fly time, has length
ened her tail by attaching thereto a
piece of fIayed Manila rope. She can
whisk fly from her nose every time.
A celebrated composer wrote to a
friend requesting the pleasure of his
company "to luncheon; key of g."
His friend, a thorough musician, inter
preted the invitation rightly, and came
to the composers house for a luncheon
at one sharp.
A critic met at the saloon the other
day young painter, youth of some
ability, but more vanity. "My young
FRIEND" said he paternally "do you
wish to become great painter 2" 'No,
replied the artist, who didn't want any
advice. "Oh, you don't want tor said
the critic gently, ''then keep on as you
are going"
Said Brown to Parker: 81 say Par
ker, what's the difference between a
ripe watermelon and rotten head of
cabbage9 ?" "Give it up; can't tell"
Brown laughed softly as he said, "You
would be nice man to send to buy
watermelon, you would !"
AS a sample of how everlasting a
joke may be, it is worth while to quote
the following, now in its two hundredth
year: A minister going to visit sick
parishOner, asked him how he had rest
ed during the night go, wonderously
i'll sir" he replied, ''for mine eyes have
not come together these three nights -
''What is the reason of that 2" said the
other "Alas, sir !" said he, Hbecause
my nose was betwixt them"
He was young man of a scientific
turn of mind, and it was his first night
out with a new girl. He remarked as
he cast his eyes heavenward and refer
red to the glory of the skies: "Such stu
pendOus wonders are entirely incom-
nrQhnnSihln hnoa.,oe =
feelings of admiration coupled with
awe, giving one sensation of a spirit
ual elevation, a transmogrifcatiOu OF
earthly desires"-'It must be the fumes
from the furnaces" broke in the young
lady, ''they often effect me in the same
way. Wright's pills are good for the
complaint"
He was "culle'd tramp" and ap-
J preached Captain Jase Phillips as the
train hauled up at Pewee. els YOU dc
cap'n of de kearsq ~ eyes, replied Jase
"Don't want fo' ter hire any deck hands
duz YET ''No I'm not running a steam.
boat" "Zactly Mout 1 ride straddle
! OBJ de cOw-snatcher to de mex landin
! -lse busted an long ways from
home P' sect on all aboard % and the
negro straddled the ..'cow- -snatcher.' ,
Ed Gilligan pulled out the throttle wide
, open, and the train had not gone more
] than half mile before the engine cold.
ed with a cow, throwing her over a
: fence into corn-field, and the negro
: after the eow0Next day, coming down,
S the negro limped up to Jase at the same
g depot and said "Boss didn't ride ful
7 wld you on dat cow-snatcher. Kase YOU
t see de COW wanted to ride dar too. an
dar want room fO' bofe of us, SO we got
t OF togedder up here in co'n-field TO
3 to rest. De nex' time ride wild you
. III freeze to de tail-gate ob de wagon
hits safer."-LouisUilIe Courier Journal