The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1878-01-31
HUMOROUS.

RAA1a ~ w W. - HRRA o
heir TO; so that people need not die
and II it were not for the obstinacy Of
human beings in refusing TO take nau.
seating drugs cemeteries would soon bC
tenantless; instead, the ground might
be used for factories and dwelling
houses.
There Is nothing like the faith some
men, especially feeble ones, have in
medicine. | have known John 70 leave
unread the telegraphic dispatches and
city gossip, In our morning paper, and
to turn first to the advertisements Of
this medicine and that, carefully dwell
ing on descriptions of symptoms of dis
eases, and comparing them with hi;
own.
Affairs were really growing serious,
A long shelf in the cellar was devoted
to empty bottles; pill boxes were In
every drawer of the bureau; advertise
ments of medicines were pinned TO every
available space on the walls Of the bed
room, together with testimonials OF as
tOnishing cures.
Meantime Johns health was rapidly
falling. or late the liver has been his
hobby, and DR.. As pills his special
remedy.
The worst of it IL, if | am a little i'll,
John stands over me with his dreadful
box of medicine.
"a clear case of diseased liver" says
that mOnomaniac. "I'll just read the
Liver Complaints, Bilious
Disorders, &C., arise from torpidity and
nm naafinn mr. .1anHatfnn nf fhn ltuar
Either of these arrangements in the
office of the liver causes a dark, greasy,
yellow skin; a brown, sometimes
whitish coat to the tongue-pimples,
and blotches-'"
"Dear mel' l cried In some wrath,
interrupting him; "I'm no such fright
as all that. Dark, greasy, yellow skin,
indeed, | will try a little dieting and
rest; | shall soon be better.
81 tell you," said John, "you need
thoroughly treatment" He read "the
liver might soon become c~ongested, or
liberated, or enlarged, or ensmalled'-
| do not remember which, for you see |
have not a bit of Johns faith in the
miraculous power of these remedies.
"John," L said, impatiently inter-
rupting him; "does that insane old
doctor pay you a salary for all waste Of
breath? Now, at home, before | married
you, l never heard of such a thing as
these dreadful doses, and we were all
we'll enough. remember once in clean
ing the closet we broke the bottle Of
camphor, and mother said it would be
~heathenish to be without something of
the kind I'm case of faintness. Father,
| know, sent mi down cellar for a suita-
BILE bottle, and all that | could find was
one that once had ink in it, and another
half full of varnish; so, rather than go
the expense of camphor, bottle and
we went without the whole, and no
one tainted either.
"But just see how accurately DR.. A.
describes your case. AN absorption of
bile into the blood, giving the skin and
eyes a %yellowish or ~greenish hue"
"Ill not hear another word" | said
81 know Pm not such a very
good looking woman, but when it comes
to insinuating that l have regular
eyes-that's too much. OF
course the old doctors advertise their
wares-that's the way they get rich-it
Is out of the credulity of other people.
| wish the whole Of them were in the
Lunatic Asylum. My sympathies are
all with the poor, deluded humanity. l
pity the victims of the quacks from the
of my heart"
Our controversy had the usual effect,
that of strengthening each in his previ-
Gus belief.
That night John could not sleep, l
he was thinking of his liver.
midnight he went to the bureau
drawer, in the dark fumbling over my
laces and collars, swallowed something,
came back, and was soon in profound
slumbcr.
Next morning he said to me.
my dear, "-he called me that yet In
spite Of our quarrel the night before
my dear, you cannot say but that
medicine did me good last night. | had
such an oppressive feeling in the,chest
such a difficulty of breathing, but |
took just n pill, and it relieved me
instantly. The effect was fairly magi-
l wisely said nothing.
On getting up l saw the familiar pill
box lying on the top of the bureau. The
cover was off. One glance filled me
with CONSERVATION; the next moment |
was ready to shrek with. laughter.
John had gone to the wrong drawer.
had so many pill boxes around that
| had used an empty one, filling 1t with
disabled shoe-buttons, mostly those that
lad lost their eyes, apd, could not be of
further s~ervice-yousee l anu of a saving
urn, and wish nothing wasted.
"John," l said, "did you experience
Instant relief last night?"
"Indeed l did, should not have
Ilept a moment if had not taken that
pill. You see, my liver was almost con-
as 1t were-such a pressure of
But / cut his speech short by present.
ng to him the pill box, and showing
lin its contents.
That pill has done permanent good.
John is trying my favorite remedies
low, a simple diet, fresh air, and exer-
Use. He Is really growing Stout
Portland Transcript.
The young lovers VINO last spring
we're married and swore by all that is
beautiful that only the great blue vault
# heaven should overspread them are
low quarreling with each other because
le lets mosquitoes in on his side and she
oils all the covers off.
WHAT is that which does not die
through being drowned9 A voice.
WHAT is the greatest want of the ageH
Want of funds.