, 1878-03-29
Wit and HumOr.

more than 10 De given llChets loL lie
lecture for advertising it.
NEVER write letters to widow. She
o,ways takes down the old box and com
nares YOURS with the other mans.
To make girl love you coax her to
,ove some one else. If there is anything
woman relishes, it is to be contrary.
A CELEBRATED wit was asked if he
knew Theodore Hook. EYES," replied
he: "Hook and eye are old associates"
GLOVE is an internal transport" ex-
claimed an enthusiastic poet. $50 is a
canal boat" said an old forwarding mer-
chant. ,.
WHAT is the difference between an
auotioneer and postmaster9 One does
as he is bid, and the other as he is di-
rected.
ATHLETIC sports for ladies-Jumping
10 conclusions; walking round subject
running through a novel; skipping full
descriptions.
A MISS TANNER, who recently married
a widower named Hyde with eleven chill
dren, says she has given up tanning and
is now dressing Hydes.
ALITTLE boy whose sprained wrist
had been cured by bathing in whisky
surprised his mother by asking her if
papa had sprained his throat.
A WISCONSIN lady opened matrimo-
NAL intelligence-office recently, but she
married the first man who applied, and
the concern came to speedy end.
CARE you a Christian9" asked spec
tacled colporteur of a fowerg on Broad
way, the other day. mo, sir; I'm a
Buddhist" was the prompt reply.
The man who asked what the wild
waves were saying got no satisfactory an
swer. The wild waves wouldn't listen to
him, and said-'S-hl- S-h!-'S-h!-'S-h
A pHRENoLoaIcAL journal says that
unless young men in selecting wife pay
strict attention to the shape of the fair
ones chin they are apt to be led by the
nose.
IT is useless for physicians to argue
against short sleeved dresses. The Con-
stitution of the United States says that
"the right to bear arms shall not be in
terfered with"
STATISTICS show that the number of
idiots is increasing, and yet some news
papers continue to make war on quack
doctors. What is quack doctor for but
to kill off the fools2
"SIR, do you mean to say that speak
falsely" said person to French gen.
tleman. mo, sare; say not dat. But
sare, say you walk round about the
truth very much"
"GENrLEMEN, introduce to you my
friend, who is not so stupid as he appears
to be-" Introduced Friend with vivaci-
ty): "Thats precisely the difference bey
tween my friend and myself"
THEY say that after DR.. Mary Walker
has crossed a muddy street you can't tell
her foot tracks from the mems. This
tiCkles Mary nearly to death, but she
doesn't enjoy it half so much as the other
women do.
OVER bridge at Athens, Ga, was the
following "Any person driving over this
bridge in faster pace than a walk shall,
if white person, be fined $5, and if a
negro, receive twenty lashes, half the
penalty to be bestowed on the informer."
A LADY that would please herself in
marrying was warned that her intended,
although a good sort of man, was very
singular. "Well," replied the lady, "if
he is very much more unlike other men,
he is much more likely to be good hus-
band"
COUNTRY gentleman Ito foreign friend) -
"Hi, there; fire, man don'ty you see that
hare back there2" Foreigner-"Vat shoot
ze poor ting down as it retreat9 No, no,
my good sare; vait till he turn abouts
and face me; then | vill-zingW
"You never saw such happy lot of
people as we had here yesterday" said a
landlord in Indiana, to newly-arrived
guest; "there were thirteen couples of
'em." "Whatl thirteen couples just mar
ried9" "Oh, no, sir; thirteen couples
just divorced''
CLAIBORNE f. JACKSON, once Governor
of Missouri, married five sisters. When
he went 10 ask for the last one his vener-
able father-in-law replied: "Yes, Calib,
you can have her. You have got them
all--but for goodness sake don't ask me
for the old womanp
"WHEN does a man most feel the value
of a wife2" asked writer. That depends
upon what the writer means by "value.
If he means estimated value, we should
say just after he gets her; if intrinsic
value, when he pays the first bill for the
Christmas presents she had made him.
The manufacture of paper from wood
has reached the altitude of perfection in
Canada. The superintendent of mill
up there says tree is cut down and
showed into one end of the mill and five
minutes later there is neighbor at the
other end to borrow the paper.-DGn6ury
NeDs
The other day mean man out in
Western Iowa went off into quiet coun-
trU flapa opl l,al M O,;olz that hiQ wife