The Wichita city eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1872-1883, 1878-10-24
For the EAGLE.
A Free Advertisement.

To lie Hon. Noah Allen, Caadidate Of tie Ma
tional- Labor GreenJaes- Fiat Money Cemmun-
is:ic-PaTy for Attoraey ErtrcOrdiaary:
Although you were pleased to call
me naughty names" bear no malice
against one whose ignorance of the
very rudiments of the English Ian
guage is such as to excuse him in the
use of words the import Of which he
cannot possibly understand, and it is
with great cheerfulness that have ac-
ceptcd the duty-as. u self constituted
committee Of one-of presenting this
address from an admiring AMI won
dering people,-admiring the unparal-
lcled cheek exhibited by one who has
not even the elementary knowledge of
our mother tongue in setting himself
up as teacher of the abstruse science
of finance, and wondering if "your
mamma knows you're out"
With this brief address beg leave
to present you with a first book in
spelling, a primary grammar, aud an
elementary work on finance,-from
the last You may be able to learn that
ten mills make cent. Allow me to
assure you that by careful and long
continued study of these, to you essen
tial class books, you may, in time,
come to know that b.a-i-l-a-n-c-c is
not the usual mode Of spelling that
common word, and that ordinary NOR.
tails, not versed in the mysteries of fl
nance, do not use the term "drug
acrost the country" when the past
participle of the verb 40 drag is in
much better taste and assuredly would
do far less violence to the good old
English language.
There can, however, be no manner
Of doubt that you are just as capable
of reforming the photography and
grammar of the language as you are
OF reforming the finances of the Ma
ton. Certainly we may look for great
things from one of your transcendant
abilities aud vaulting ambition.
Should your life be prolonged Que,
and your study of these elementary
works assiduous. you NAV jim the
course of ages--come to know that q
(fiaD legend across your brazea brow,
"ihis is "a dagger" cannot endow you
with either brains, a knowledge of the
primary principles of law, or the COM
mon deceacics of life.
Having confidentially stated that you
are running for Office simply to adver-
tise vouself and TO Improve your mind
Git needs it sadly ana oratoricai pow
ers, beg leave to suggest that in Or
der TO be most thoroughly advertised
all you have to do is to place yourself
unreseryedly in my hands. | also beg
to inform you that l am we'll and ia
vorably known ''ffom Greenlsnd's icy
mountains to midas coral str ands,
aud am, oy my long and varied expe-
rience. admirably fitted NJ teacher for
the weak-mindcd, aud il your mind
does not too nearly approach natures
adherence, il is possible that in the
course Of many years some slight i'm
provement might be wrought in your
woiully becieu ded measal condition
The great difficulty, however. lies La
the fact "'thst you can't make brains
out OF q brass door-knob. even your
poor uncle George couldn't, when he
was alive Vide Dickens.
Respectfully,
c. WooD DAVIS.
sAs yeu arc. beyond doubt. wholly xuiis-
less OF sla sas~iedge Of Dickens. itron
whom tue Sbove fassaissa Is made), sIi,w me
TO rsmssk thai tie was Thorough master OF
the lansaG.e you ErtilAte 20 fearsuily. and
has, in HE ,sriitHSs, portrayed many saarae-
ters. some Of which were nearly - couceted
md icnofnnt a youfDelf. C.. w. ID.