The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-02-28
Humorous,

slSneu: AN l wish l had u home with
club comtortsw
WHAT is tho difference between the
Prince of Wales and II jet of watcr2 The
prince Ia heir to tho throne, and the let is
thrown to the mir
A dAhnuioua barber, happening to be
called to nhnvs hicholnnt, npkcd him ;
SLOW shall shave you, nir3" ain al
lcnce," wac the reply.
Tmn principal Of II knnana college re-
Gently attempted to pnrchnno what he
ca'lod, WIN great ennneintion, "clcving
doz'ng hkeina Of cottipg batling.'
"TnAT prisoner has II very smooth
countcnnncc," enid the judge to the shcr
i'll. "Ycs," responded the sheriff, "bc
was irOned just before he was brought in"
"Wno is that gentleman walking with
Miss Flint2" said wag to his companion
as they sauntered along the Fifth avenue.
"Oh " replied the other, "that is spark
which she has struck"
A VISITOR, who wanted his boots
blacked, said to his host, on retiring
"lll put my boots outside the door of my
ROOM" to which the host naively replied
"All right-nobody II touch 'em."
"WHAT is life insurance." exclaimed a
bold agent in street car to victim of
busted company II can answer that"
replied the victim, at is the art of keep
ing man poor all through life in order
that he may die rich"
DoCToR 60 a ypochondriac patienD-
nj. 9, =,
your Patient "Yes, but" Doctor
Gnterruptng and handing prescription
Here, have this made up and take it,
Wen soon stop all that!"
$50 there's another rupture on Mount
Vocterous," said Mrs. Darlington, as she
put down the paper and put up her
specs; "the papers tell about the burst
ing lather running down the mountain,
but it don't tell how it got fire."
A GIRL on Salt river, Ky., struck a
croquet partner on the head with NAL
let, brain fever set in, and the young man
nearly died. The girl was kept under ar
rest till he was out of danger, and when
he got well she married him, and then he
was sorry he didn't die.
hhrf Nbul eye Ou tue lHdlu CuhuCc,
my boy, if you would be one of the i'm,
mor,al> in the roll of fame" said an old
bachelor to his iinpecunious nephew; to
which the young man replied: "Oh, the
roll of fame be hanged, uncle! What l
want now is roll of bread"
THE color of girls hair is regulated
by the size of her fathers pocket book.
If the latter be plethoric, the girls tress-
es are golden or auburn; if the old man 5
wallet is lean, We hear the daughter spok-
Ell of as only THAT red headed gal" You
never saw rich girl with red hair.
A GENTLEMAN called At Logan House
early one forenoon, wishing to see the
laird. "Oh, sir" said the servant, she
has some company wi him." IL am
afraid that have called too soon; They'll
not have done with breakfast" Deed,
sir, it's yesterdays dinner they're not
done wi"
"WrrL you always trust me, dearestl"
he asked, looking down into her dark
blue eyes with inexpressible affection.
She was a saleswomap, and of a practi
cal turn of mind, and she answered ::
"Dear Charles, business is business. and
you'll have to pay cash down at our store,
eiery time"
DoCToR JOHNSON, being once much an
noyed at dinner by a young flop who
sat opposite to him, and who laughed i'm
moderately at everything the doctor said,
at last lost all patience, and sienced the
fop by exclaiming: "Sir, why do you
Taught trust that have said nothing
which you can understand"
He was so drunk that he could not
walk, could scarcely move and only par
TALLY arliculate. A friend of his came
up and upbraided him. aft | were in
your place" said his friend, I'D go out
in the woods and hang myself" "If
(hic) you were (hic) in my place, how
(hic) the deuce (hic) would you get to
(hic) the woods3" was the squelching
inquiry.
INSECTS generally must lead joyful
life. Think what it must be to lodge in
a lily Imagine = palace of ivory or
pearl, with pillars of silver and capitals
of gold, all exhaling such a perfume as
never arose from human censor Fancy,
again, the fun of tucking yourself up for
the night in the folds of rose, rocked to
sleep by the gentle signs of a summer air,
and nothing to do when you awake but to
wash yourself in dew-drop and fall to
and eat your bedclothes!
SHERIDAN, to test the acoustic quail
ties of new theatre he had built, de.
sired the carpenter to speak on the stage,
while he would go and listen to him
from the gallery. Now, them" said
Sheridan, when he had assembled. The
c,rnantor raspnnded. al and my mates