The Portland daily press., 1878-10-23
A Married Mans Misery.

man of forty-fve having wooden leg and
the look of one who had suffered long with the
toothache, sat down in the chair vacated by the
boy, and after smile of encouragement be-
gan:
eff matters don't mend pretty soon rll Ell
ther murder her or take my own life."
Domestic trouble, I suppose?'' qaeried BIZ
jsh.
"That's it, sir, and Pm getting desperate. L
left home thinking I'd jump from the dock,
but happened to think of you, and SO 1
thought I'd ask your advice"
sis the bread heavy?"
''Blast the bread can stand heavy bread,
sloppy tea, raw meat and half-co potatoes.
but can't or won't stand this Internal whin-
ing, complaining and jawing aroundI'
"Fellow traveller along the tow-path of
Times broad-gauge canal, think 1 see the
pint You have been married about two
years?."
"Not quite
"You are fifteen years older than your
wife?'
'Yes; eighteen"
''You have wooden leg, and she-she-?"
f'She hasn't; but wish she had two of 'em. :"
"She likes good clothes?"
"You bet"
''She likes the mad whirl of society; SIG bon
nets, reserved seats at the opera, SS boots, for
ty-button kid gloves and trains ON her
dresses?"
''She does; that's her to dot!" exclaimed
the husband.
"And you prefer your home-evening fire,
newspaper, snow apples, game of checkers
glass of cider, cat on the hearth and so on?''
That's the sort OF man am, sir, and she
harasses me to death. She's on the trot all
day and on the gad all tae evening" and if 1 re-
monstrate she says want TO make slave and
a prisoner of her."
Don't yon, go along with her to the thester
and parties?"
81 used to, but for the last year she's got aw-
ful particular about my wooden leg; says the
public will think was shot while stealing
chickens"
"Does. eh? and you sit at home and keep
yonr heels warm by the cook-stove while she
s.Tha sano, sir. and now what shall I do
about it? Something has got to be did, and
that right off. III be hanged to Davy Crockett
If put up with it another day. You are an
older man than I am and you've had three
wives TO- my one. and I'll do just as you say
about it,
"Fellow man, you have been wrong from the
beginning" slowly answered Brah, as he
looked out of the window in a weary way.
1.-The man who marries woman only half his
age is d. f. deceived fried-cake) at the start.
Youth NAV reverence old age but love isn't rev.
erence. Youth and old age don't like their Ia
ters cooked the same way, and the man who
says they do is forger. They don't see alike,
and it's a cat-and-dog life. Then, sgain, you
have wooden leg, and you should have mar
ried woman with glass eye or broken nose
as an offset. In that case neither party has
anything to twit the other about. I'll was TO
marry again. bald-hesded as l am, should
look for lady wearing No. 10 gloves and No. g
shoes as an Offset Do you love your wife?"
well, to be honest about it, [ don't think
either of us are dying of love-
Then, my friend, you go home and have
candid talk, divide up the things and part good
friends. Give her the largest half, throw 10
some small change, and see that she gets safe
home to her mother. By and by you can quiet
ly secure bill of divorce, get on some store
clothes, and look out for woman of fifty who
mas I the rheumatism SO that she caa't gad.''
"That's honest, is it?"
Honest Iniun. If you can't live happy TO-
gether, don't hesitate to live happy apart No
use in any scandal or hard words, but divide up.
and call it bad mistake. This killing one's
self on account of domestic troubles is all bosh.
"That's SO, and I'll walk straight home and
begin the dividlng-up business. Thank you,
Bijah; may your feet stop growing as reward
for this
When he had departed Bijah took short cut
through the alleys, aud presently gained posi-
tion from whence he could view the house
where the man lived. Developments did not
tarry. The husband had not been in the house
five minutes before he rushed out again, hat
and cane flying, and his share of the things,
consisting Of three fat-irons, kettle and two
bricks, overlook him before he conld dodge.
$50 young and so artless!" mused Bijah, as
he turned away; "and yet that last brick
thumped him between the shoulders as purity as
If I'd thrown 1t myselfP'-Detroit Free Press.