Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1878-07-31

hot in Louisville that the hens lay
their eggs cooked.
Misery does not always love CON-
pany, if the company happens to
be mosquitoes.-New York Hearld.
Crypus is about as large as Con-
necticut. If anything, Connecticut
is a nutmeg grater.-Courier-Jou our
nal.
Russia finds nearly all her dreams
of absolute power in eastern Eu-
rope Observation-Disclosures Com
mercial.
An Oil citizen, formerly sea
captain, shook off book agent by
yelling, "Man over-bored v'-Oil
City Derrick.
Every married man thinks he
has secured the woman with an
iron jaw. Now why is this !-Buf-
falo Express.
When a tooth begins to feel as If
there was a chicken scratching at
its root, it's time to pullet out
Yonkers Gazette.
These are the days of evolution.
Every man is becoming little
'otter-so says cockney friend
Boston Traveller.
The boss of the hay scales is not
apt to prove a good friend to you,
he is so apt to give you a weigh
Keokuk Constitution.
"Well." remarked city pLilos-
opher during the progress of a
scorching sun spot, "when l cant
r get coal any other way-In 60 bome
and have breeze with my wife"
/
II didn't know" said an old lady
as she laid down her newspaper,
.that thieves were so scarce that
they had TO advertise for 'em, and
offer a reward for their discovery"
A Hartford entomologist says
there are at least a thousand kinds
of bugs in that city. This will
give one an idea of the number Of
boarding houses there -Danbury
News.
tits about this time of the year
when the little boy expressed the
wish that he was built like hen
coop, out Of laths, so that the
breeze could blow right through
him.
Restaurant patron.-"These sau-
sages are hardly up to the mark"
Waiter.-"They ain't, eh? Well,
dye expect Italian greyhound and
thoroughbred Scotch terrier for
two bits Virginia Chronicle.
May the Lord preserve your
eyesight," said a beggar woman to
man with a small nose, who had
Just given her a gratuity. "Why =
he asked. because" said she,
"you've no nose to hold your spec
tacles."
A "digger" from California, eulo-
gizing the climate, says: "There's
a mountain there-Sawyer Neva-
dy, they call it-with valley on
each side of 1.-THE one hot and
t'other cold. Well, get on top OF
that mountain with a double bar
relied gun, and you can, without
movin', kill either summer or win
ter game, just as you like It,
"Tried Z" "Often, and should have
done pretty well but for one thing"
"Well, what was that q 81 want
ed dog that would stand both
climates. The last dog / had froze
off his tail while pointin' on the
SIMMER side. He didn't get en-
tirely out of the winter side, you
see."
Lord Guillamore could tell a
story with inimitable humor. lie
used to vary his voice according to
the speakers, and act, as it were'
the scene he was describing in a
way infinitely diverting. Very
droll was his mimicry OF dialogue
between the guard of the mail and
a mincing old lady with whom he
once travelled from Cork to Dublin,
In the old coaching days. The
coach had stopped to change horses,
and the guard, a big, red-faced,
Jolly man, beaming with good hui
NOR aud civility, came bustling up
to the window to see IL the "in-
sides" wanted anything. "Goard'
whispered the old lady. "Well'