The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-02-21

cities 10 purchase steam nre engines, was
amended SO as to make thepurchase subject
to vote of the people, and passed.
FEBRUARY 15.-According to custom,
both houses of the General Assembly met
only long enought to organize, and adjourned
till Tuesday afternoon, this being the third
Friday since the last long adjournment.
Down on Modern Improvements.
breakfast Table,
An over-the-Rhin saloon-keeper, who
spells Jacob with Y, not long since
married a Yankee widow with consider
able style about her. She didn't exactly
like the primitive manner in which his
home was furnished, and kept continu-
ally suggesting improvements and ask
ing for appropriations to carry them out.
Hans INDUCED her caprices at first, while
his love was young, without much oppo-
sition; but after a time he began to rebel
against the drain upon his pocket-book,
and at each repetition would knit his
shaggy brow and say things in Dutch
that whould havn caused him a sore
head had he tossed them out in plain
English.
, He got to talking about it in the saloon
one day, and said:
IT no was like de way desc 'Merican
womans was keep house. When / was
have mine Katarine dot comes NIT me
to dis country, we was get along smooth
NIT stove, some chairs, bed, cupboard,
and chest to put dem clothes in; but
so soon as marry dis womans she was
turn eyerydings downside up and want
a whole furniture factory, or else she
was hang down dot lip and pout and
jaw NIT me, and say was stingy old
heathen, and was I dink she was throw
away herself on a pig like 1 was, and
live all de days NIT her life in a cow
pen or pig-stable? l say / no was
greenback machine-shop, and l don't
was have money like water, but she yust
shove up her nose like dem show peo-
pies, and say it was better I don't was
make NIT myself some beer barrel and
go me SO much NIT dot Lookout and
Bellevue House. In de first place she
was get q rocker chair, and bureau init
some grave-stones on top, and stand
what she say was to put some wash
dings on, and den a bedstead nit more
lumber in der head-piece as in dis coun-
ter, and ever so many more nonsense
like dot, so much as hundred dollar,
if I speak NIT der contribution bex-no,
mol was mean de Bible book. After
all dot foolishness den what you dink
was next come? She say it was yust
like we throw de money away if don't
was buy Brussels carpet to make
eyerydings look right. She say it was
cost SO much as thirty dollar, and / say
by shiminy she no git it, and / stick to
it. was offer to put some saw-dust in
the room, but she laugh NIT my face,
and say / was fool, and she would have
some of dem lawyer peoples swear I was
crazy and do herself what she please NIT
dot money. Sometimes 1 dink it was
better as l tie myself around grind
stone and yump over some steamboat
before l was marry myself NIT dot wo-
mans"
But the woman had made up her mind
to have that Brussels carpet, and the
conversation on the subject grew more
and more animated every day. So much
SO, in fact, that the obstinate husband
found but little time to think of any
thing else. Its claims to his attention
were SO constantly urged that it soon
began to wear on him like a nightmare,
and sleeping or waking it obtruded
itself necessarily upon him, and almost
worried him into the insanity with
which he had been threatened.
A streak of good luck, in the shape OF
a very severe toothache came upon him
one day, and for the time gave him
something else to think of, which at first
was quite treat. But in a few hour
the pain became SO unbearable that he
was forced to seek a dentist and have
the offensive molar extracted. While
performing the operation the dentist
like they always do had explored tht
yawning mouth with an eye to future
business, and while the patient was in
good humor over the sudden radiance o
the pain, told him it was more danger
GUS than fooling with an empty shot
gun to longer postpone having his teetl
filled and his jaws put in good grinding
condition.
:" 1 could fix 'em all up for you, ant
put you in trim order for boarding
round in any neighborhood for almos
nothing, while trades dull. Better hay
it done right away, and save your healtl
while you can,' remarked the docto
with smile that showed his ears back
Chow much you charger" asked Hans
running his tongue into hole tina
seemed big enough b to hide a dice-box. 5
cpl do it for thirty dollars-cheap
| should say so-hardly pay for the
material, but then it'll keep me bus,
for while, and I. don't like being idle
I'll make that mouth of yours equal t
the best hominy cracker in town, an
warrant the work, sir-wsrrant it fo
ten years. What dye say to that ?
said the dentist, thrusting his thumb
into the armholes of his vest and poi
ing on his heels with the satisfied air 3
a man who believes he has certaint
ahead.
The Dutchman Strengthened himsel
up in the operating chair, opened b
eyes till his nose turned up, and the
!: with a look that made the dentist fe,
like small boy before strangers, e,
! claimed:
"You dink was some shackass fot
or a crazy womans to put me down som
Brussels carpet NIT mine mouth?' an
fuming and swearing he marched indi!
nantly out of the shop, leaving the del
tist leaning against the wall in the MOI
dazing bewilderment he had ever e.
! perienced.
THE Philadelphia Times well says tbs
the American people like humor, an
they appear to like it more and mol
j every year. The demand for the hl
morous, the witty, and the satirical
: the columns of the papers has el
couraged a multitude Of writers in tn
! line, and some of the best of them al
! not known outside the editorial reon
. where they labor. The best appreciate
s humor or wit is that which is throw
1 into the photographic comment on Il
! events of the day, some of which, hol
ayer scarcely need the touch of III