Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1878-11-07
Mark Twain and Artemas Ward.

reputation, make money, and confer q
blessing upon thousands of his fellows.
Marx Twain and Artemas Ward.
had never seen him before. He brought
letters Of Introduction from mutual friends
in San Francisco, and by invitation break
tasted with him. II was almost a relig-
ion, then In the silver mines, to precede
such a meal with whiskey cocktails Ar
temas. with the true cosmopolitan instinct.
always deferred to the customs Of the
country he was in, and so he ordered
three Of those abominations. Kingston
was present. am match for every bev.
erage you can mention except a whiskey
cocktail. and therefore | said would rath-
er not drink one. | said it would go right
to my head and confuse me, so that 7
would be In hopeless tanQle in ten min
utes. l did not want to act lunatic be-
fore strangers, but Artemas gently In.
sisted, and drank the reasonable mixture
under protest, and felt all the time that
was doing a thing that I might be sorry
for. In minute or two l began to imag-
inc that my ideas were clouded. waited
in great anxiety for the conversation to
open, with a sort OF vague hope that my
understanding would prove clear. after
all, and my misgivings groundless.
Artemas dropped an unimportant re-
mark ar two, and then assumed look of
superhuman earnestness aud made the fol-
lowing astounding speech. He said:
Now there is one thing I ought to ask
you before l forget it. You have been
here 10 silverland-here in Nevada-two
or three years, and Of course your position
on the daily press has made it necessary
for you to 90 down In the mines and ex-
anime them carefully in detail, and there
fore you know all about the silver mining
business. Now what l want to get at is
Is. well. the way deposits OF ore are made
you know. For instance: Now as un.
derstand 1t. the vein which contains the
silver is sandwiched in between castings of
granite, and runs along the ground, and
sticks up like curbstone. Well, take a
vein forty feet thick, for example, or
eighty, for that matter, or even 100; say
you 90 down on 1t with a shaft, straight
down, or with what you call the 'inclines, ;
maybe you 90 down 500 feet or maybe you
don't go down but 200. anyway you 90
down, and all the time this vein grows mar
rover when the castings come nearer or ap-
proach each other, you may say, that is
when they do approach, which of course
they do not always do. particularly in cases
where the nature Of the formation Is such
that they stand apart wider than they
otherwise would. and which geology has
failed 10 account for, although everything
in that science goes to prove that, all things
being equal, it would if IL did not or would
not certainly If it did. and then of course
they are. Do You not think II is?
! said to myself, Now. just knew how
IL would be. That cussed whiskey cock
tail has done the business for me. | don't
understand any more than clam" And
then | said alond, "I-I-tnst is-if you
don't mind. Would you-would you say
that over again3 | ought"
"Oh, certainly, certainly, You see am
very unfamiliar with the subject and, per-
haps, don't present my case clearly, but
l."
NO, no-no, you state it plain enough,
but that vile cocktail has muddled me a
little. But l will-no do understand, for
that matter; but | would get the hang OF
II all the better II you went over it g ain.
and I'll pay better attention to it this
time
lie said. why. what | was after was
this (Here he became even more fear
fully impressive than ever and emphasized
each particular point by checking 1t of on
his tinger-rnds.) This vein, or lode, or
ledge, or what ever you may call it, runs
along between two layers of granite. just
the same as If il were q sandwich. Very
well. Now suppose you go down on that.
say 1000 feet.or maybe l2e0 (it don't really
matter.) before you drift: and then you
start your drifts, some of them across the
ledge and Others along the length Of it
where the sulphurets-l believe they call
them sulphurets, though why they should,
considering that, so far as | can see, the
main dependence OF miner does not SO lie
As some suppose, but in which 1t cannot be
successfully maintained wherein the same
should not continue, while part and parcel
OF the same ore not committed to either in
the serse referred to, whereas, under differ
ent circumstances, the most inexperienced
among US could not detect if 1t were, n'
might overlook it ii it did, or scorn th
very idea of such q thing. even though it
were palpably demonstrated as such. Am
| not rght?"
l said sorrOwfully: IL feel ashamed of
myself, Mr.. Ward. | know | ought to un-
derstand you perfectly well, but you see
that internal cocktail has got into my head,
and now l cannot understand even the
simplest proposition. | told you how it
would be-"
"Oh, don't mind it, don't mind it; the
fault is my own, no doubt, though did
think it WAS clear enough for
Don't say word. Clear! Why you
stated il AS clear AS the sun to anybody but
an abject idiot, but it's that confunded
cocktail that has played the mischief"
No. now don't say that. I'll begin 1t
all over again, and"
Don't now; for goodness sake, don't
do anything of the kind, berause tell you
my head is in such a condition that don't
believe could understand the most :rifing
question man could ask me-"
Now, don't you be afraid. III put it
so plain this time that you can't help but
get the hang Of it. We will begin at the
table with determined impressiveness
wrought upon every feature. and fingers
prepared to keep tally OF each point rs
enumerated; and | leaned forward with
painful interest. resolved to comprehend or
perish.) "You know the vein-the ledge
the thing that contains the metal. where
1t constitutes the medium between all other
forces, whether Of present or remote agen-
cies. so brought to bear in favor of the
former against the latter, or the latter
against the former, or all, or both, or CON-
promising as possible the relative differ
cnces existing within the radiOus whence
culminate the several degrees of similarity
TO which"
L said: 'blame my wooden head, it
amt any use! 1t amt anv use to to try
l can't understand anything. The palmer
you get it the more l can't get the hang of
It,"
| heard a suspicious noise behind me, and
turned 10 time to see Kingston dOdging be-
hind newspaper. and quaking with gentle
ecstacy Of laughter. l looked at Ward
again, and he had thrown of his dread So
lemnity and was laughing also. Then
saw that had been sold-that had been
made the victim of swindle In the way of
a string Of plausibly worded senteices
that didn't mean anything under the sun.
Clemens book Of lSketches."
The other day Mr.. Tilden laid down
his favOrite paper, the New York Tribune,
and picked up his Bible, and read: For