West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-07-13
The Man Who Puns.

The Burlington Hawkcvc says
AlCcstiS wants to- know If il is very
difficult Ia manufacture puns. Not a
/ bit oi it the easiest thing i'm the world.
/ Fornstancc, you ave challenged To make
pun ON Eau de Cologne. You imme-
diatcly create a hypothetical being who
Tor purposes of the necessary vcrnaCular
shall bc African as to his nativity,
whom you suppose, for reasons, has bor-
rowed in the bleak and impecunious
winter days scuttle of coal of a
weather. nCighhor. and which he is
unfortunately (for the man of whom he
borrowed iD, unable To repay, and
hence, with the return of the ensuing
winter, when the creditor insists upon
/ the payment of the ii, bt, is comp ed to
explain that circumstances over which
he has no control still necessitates him
To lowe de coal loan When YOU
reach this point of your narrative YOU
must look iXedly aud shrewdly at your
auditor for 10y that time you will have
but one left, it your associates are as
sensible people as we assume them To
be), and say, wi h marked and changing
emphasis "See2 >ee2 Coal; loan; CO.
logne-uwc de--owe de coal loan; eau
dc cologne; sceH de cologne; de coal
loan; coal loan; owe de coal loan"
There is no limit To the number of
repettlons YOU are expected or required
to make OF the explanatory clause
Most punsters repeat il about one hun
drcd aud ninety-eight times. We have
friend, who is gifted punstcr, and he
doesn't often get through repeating the
explanatory clause until about the last
oi next week. His wit tx greatly adj
mircd at quiet gatherings of literary
people, although the records show that
he has been dubbed on of Main-strcct
at different times by every business man
in Burlington.
You can shine most brightly at little
evening parties, 10y punning on the
names of the people present A few
evenings ago we heard II very brilliant
thing 10y a young gentleman who is
light in society. lie was introduced To
a Miss Smith, and with sudden inspira-
tion of genius that even astonished his
most intimate friends, lac effected n lisp
and said, Oh this is Mith Smith is
Mth Smith see is Mith Smith Is Mith |
smith; Is Mith Smith" He began that
about nine o'clock and went through
the rooms, cOrnering people who were
afraid to kill him and saying it To them
AT halfpast eleven the last guest de
parted and heard, as he went out the
gate, this young man telling this pun To
the hostess, while the servant girl WAS nj
the head of the stairs trying to hold |
back the host, who was trying To get |
down stcalthily and unObscrved with the |
shot gun.
Always make puns on passing events. |
Fairs, county fairs or church fairs, are
splendid subjects for original puns. SO
are sales. We know young man, a |
graduate of an Ann Arbor millinery es- !
tablishment, who would walk about the !
streets for days, until he found n gang of |
men hosting n safe int second story
Office, and then he would stand around |
that spot so long as the work went on,
and stop every man who went by, or
rather tried to get by, and say to him |
p" This il 8ate, but il isn't very safe. |
They'll get it in safe, you know? ,SaJc; |
saiei sect Safe2 safe. It's safe; safe,
you know. Sce2 safe. It's safe; but |
it's not safe to stand under it, See? IL |
isn't safe, you know, and il is Sa(c SeeW
One time, "A large safe, weighing four
teen thousand pounds, which was being |
hoisted into a fourth story window, |
broke the tackling and fell to the |
ground, missing this young man by only |
about sixteen feet number of |
Christian men, who witnessed the acci- |
dent and this young man's escape. imme- |
diately went of and joined the ], gersoll
atheists, saying they could not believe
IN Providence that would miss such a
splendid opportunity az that. Strange
to say, this young mans parents love
him. and il is rumOred that his mother
Is proud of him, and even urges him 10
infct himself upon mankind