The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-01-10
PASSING SMILES.

"a DlhON0 hO1AoAT q 6iAO
WHEN is mother father? When
she's a sigher-
FUN's advice to gardeners-To destroy
weeds, marry widows.
CLERGYMEN, like brakemen, de great
deal of coupling, but they only couple
the tender. ~
VIRTUE does not give talents, but it
supplies their place. Talents neither
give virtue nor supply the place of it.
THE rich find relations in the most
remote foreign countries; the poor not
even in the bosom of their own families.
WHEN man has nothing in the world
to lose, he is then in the best condition to
sacrifice for the public good everything
that is his.
head, the best thoughts give only the
light. This is why science is so little
persuasive and probity SO eloquent.
BE careful not to interrupt another
man when he is speaking; hear him cut,
and you will understand him better, and
be able to give him better answer.
REV. JEREMIAH HALLoCK once said
to a young minister who complained of
his small salary, "My young brother,
perhaps it is all that Christ can afford to
give you"
A METHODIST and Catholic church in
Wheeling are rivaling each other in the
altitude of their spires. 1t looks like
they we're engaged in steeple-chase
to heaven.
SPILKINs, after having shown his
youngest boy how to. black his own boots
every morning, remarked that there's
nothing like having a little son shine in
the house"
"SIx feet in his bootsr' exclaimed
Mrs Partington, "what will the i'm
pudence of this world come to, wonder.
Why, they might as well tell me the
man had six heads in his hat"
A MAN is trying to invent gravy
bowlthat will not break when woman
throws it at her busbaad's head. There
has been too much crockery broken ia
this Christian nineteenth century.
"I SAY, Charley, said one friend to
another on meeting, " hear our friend
Brown has been dabbling in stocks lately;
has he made anythingT eyes," says
Charley, he has made an assignment"
Chow to Discourage your Minister"
is the title of an article in the news
papers. We know of no better way than
to give donation parties. One or two of
these will bow them down to the ground.
NATURE AND ART.
Art is the child of Nature yes,
Her darling child in whom we trace
The features of the mothers face,
Her aspect and her attitude,
all her majestic loyeliness
Chastened and softened and subdued
Into more attractive grace
And with human sense imbued.
lie is the greatest artist, then,
Whether of pencil or OF pen,
Who follows Nature. Never man,
AS artist artisan,
s Pursuing his own fantasies,
Can touch the human heart, or please,
Or satisfy our nObler needs.
As he who sets his willing feet
In Natures footprints light and feet,
And follows fearless where she leads.
AUGUSTUS, my love, what are you
thinking about SO intently ?" "Why,
Aurelia, you know when we're married
we shall be made one, and I was trying
to think out which of us that one would
be-"
THERE is nothing that will tend to
make man forget to ask blessing at
the breakfast table quicker than to sit
on plate of soft-boiled eggs that the
cook left on the chair when she tied her
shoes.
BEFORE they were married he used to
call her his star" " cherub," light of
the morning" etc, and she now explains
the latter epithet by his continually in
forming her that it is her place to make
the fire.
ONE of the old settlers at the Isle of
Shoals, seeing the name of psyche
on the hull Of yacht, the other day,
spelled it out slowly, and then exclaimed,
"WeIl, if that aint the biggest way to
spell ishP'
WHAT is your chief consolation in
life ?" asked a clergyman of young
Iady in the Bible-class. She smiled,
blushed, looked silly, and answered, L
can't tell you his name, but l don't
mind telling you where he lives"
REV. MR.. CAPEL, an English clergy
man, is man to be pitied. After get
ting one appointment he was objected to
because he could not sing, and, on re-
Gently receiving another, was confronted
by the charge that he is no preacher.
THE good little boy receives the Sun
day-school ticket and the castor-oil, and
dies young, while the bad boy cheeks
theater checks and sucks cider from the
bunghole through straw, and eventually
becomes member of the legislature.
A GENTLEMAN presents himself at
the bureau of the exposition and says
to the clerk, "I want to exhibit my
wife" " Your wife!'' said the stupefied
clerk; your-wife? Why?' " Because
| sir. she is model woman: one that has
never given her husband cause for
jealousy as faithful and kind as ten
old dog Trays" "Sure of it," L
will swear it, sir" "Then it is you
that ought to be put on exhibition"