The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1878-06-15
All Sorts.

=
An honest man is like an UNDER
done steak-Very rare.
Waiting to be whipped is the most
uninteresting period in boyhOod:
No man can solve the mysteries Of
life, but every man of common sense
can perform its duties
An Indiana man stopped his pa
per because it had not contained q
circus advertisement for three years.
Bean poles should be planted at
once. They are naturally hardy and
can withstand all the frosts likely to
come.
Visitors to the Western cemetery,
near Louisville, are gforbid den to
pluck the ''tlours" without ''per-
mishun."
The reason capital punishment ia
becoming unpopular 10 because there
is growing aversion to leaving .
man in suspense.
Trees have their time to leave.
They never leave without a bough.
And you can't call them tramps, tor
they always have trunk.
A Columbus orator startled his
audience by declainiug that ''hell
is not half so'full of men and women
as men and women are full of hell"
"Madam, did you ever lift q dog
by the tail Z" "Why, no, you cruel
thing, you!" 81 didn't know, be-
cause | just saw you carry your
child across the gutter by one arm.n
Millions and millions of hairpins
are Juggling at the tIesses of femi-
ninity in this country, and yet after
all you seldom have an opportunity
to chat with a bald-headed woman.
The persistency with which the
school boy will go fishing and catch
nothing is equaled only by the un-
successful efforts of corn doctor
to secure customer in printipg
office.
An eastern editor throws up the
sponge with the remark, at doesn't
pay to run a paper in n town where
business men read almanacs and pick
their teeth with the tail of a dried
herring"
A wicked contemporary says: The
ordinary idea Of hell is place of
intense heat; the Hottentot's, place
of extreme cold; the Boston mans a
place where there are no Goldfish
and beans!
The discouraged collector again
presented that little matter. "Well,'
says his friend, "you are round
again." "Yes,' says the fellow with
the accountin his hand, "but l want
to get square,"
A Chinaman never gets too old
for kite flying, but when you try to
improve his mind with base ball,
he impulsively hugs his abdomen,
screws down his eyes, and says:
MIC no call sec.
The picnic season is upon lis,
when the young man, by decorating
his hat with a wreath of oak-leaves,
will seek. to attract public attention
from the custard pie on the seat ot
his pantaloons.
"Sally, what have you done with
the crealnf These children cannot
eat skim milk for breakfast" "Sure,
ma'am, it isn't mesi]f that would be
after giving the scnm to yez. | TUX
that and gave it to the cats"
Mothers should be very careful
to see that their daughters are well
wrapped up while sitting on the
piazza to gaze on the Aurora Bore
alis. A coat sleeve is good rs far
as it goes, and it generally goes ~
far as it can.
The photograph may bottle up
the voice aud pass it down to future
ages; but the smile that twists the
face of a man as he seeks solitude
and gazes upon his name in print
for the first time will always have to
be guessed at.
When an Indian gets mad and
ready to fight, he would as soon
hatchet baby as an Indian trader
That's the otse great ftult in his
makeup, and he will never stand
A in society until he learns to g
for the traders first.
A mind reader recently looked in
to the head of fashionable youn,
lady, and dividing it into doubl'
quarter section map found that i
read: First, self; second, sprinI
bonnet; third, French heeled shoes
| fnurfi s,,riny hn,,trs.f fifth apif