The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1878-04-18

And the voices OI lno crown Wt
, NY thoughts wander on at their own wild wllli
Aud my tears fail fast and my heart 10 ohil,
Many time and oft
| dream OF the hopes all faded and h,d,
OF the vow that's broken, the shnit thats epeuI
And the form OF tho loved one cold and dead
Ahl many time aud oft
"How to keep an umbrella" is the
| title of newspaper article. We know,
Dig hole sixteen feet deep and bury it.
"MARRIAGE2 Pooh don't men shun
1T I" exclaimed the maiden aunt. " In
deed they don't" replied her lovely
niece,
A UTICA doctor is about to run tele-
phone from his Office to the residences of
his patients. Death is being made easier
every year.
THE few old shinplasters floating
around remind one of days when ten
cent scrip was handled with eleven cents
worth of care.
A LOVER sees his sweetheart in every
thing he looks at, just as a man bitten
by mad dog sees dogs in his meat, dogs
in his drink, dogs all around him.
THE Buffalo Express replies to the
pittsburg Telegraph'sinquiry, "Can two
constitute riot ?" by saying, " Not un-
less they happen to be married."
AN Indiana poultry raiser is so con-
seientious that he won't deceive his hens
by using imitation nest,eggs. That's the
man Diogenes was trying to corner.
DEAN SWIFT proposed to tax female
| al
her own charms. He said the tax would
be cheerfully paid, and be very produc-
i've.
OUT in California, the land of the
glorious climate, the first six months OF
the year they pray for rain, the remain
ing six months they run away from the
foods
CHRONIC -" You are looking well,
Mr.. Whit" Well? You know that
Pm never we'll Just as soon as stop
being sick for dav, | feel wore for it
the next morning"
PAUL DU CHAILLU says he has been
intensely amused in watching a ship
loading up for Africa with cargo OF
missionaries on deck and cargo of rum
below, both going to the same place.
WHAT blessing the phonograph will
be to editors The bores can slip hight
into the phonograph room and plead
with the instrument, and the editor can
grind it all out aiterward-ifhe wants to-
A NEAR.sighted book agent talked II
Law figure TO death in front of a Denver
' clothing store the other day. The figure
, stood it impassively for four hours and
8 then topped over and fell to pieces with
1 out a struggle or a word.
:, LINDERMAN's eagles recalls the cons
e versati0n at the show: Daughter
t Claw, ma, look at that heagle." Mother
r -" w, you hignorant gall, lisa howl" "
8 Snowman, politely" Axes parding,
3 mum, but it's a 'awk.
THERE'S nothing to excel the diabol-
ical satisfaction a man will take in an
nouncng to his wife, after he has got his
shirt on, that there is button missing,
and the keen delight he feels in seeing
her dance around the room after needle
and thread, while she listens to lecture
on internal care 'essness, approaches
ecstacy. But look out when she gets
that lutton on, bites the thread off with
a snap, and begins" There now"
A CORRESPONDENT Of San Francisco
paper relates how man saw ghost
while walking along lonely highway at
midnight. The ghost stood exactly in
the middle OF the road, and the wayfarer
deciding to investigate, poked at it with
his umbrella The next instant he was
knocked twenty feet into Il mud-hole
Moral-Never poke an umbrella at a
large white mule when its back is
, turned.
SNIFFLER read in a newspaper the
other day that "every dove has cote,
and every dog pants And he went
home and told his wife that every dove
, had coat, and every dog had pair o
' pantaloons and when she didn't see
; anything to laugh at, and told him SO,
, he s,id he guessed she must be influenced
by Mrs. Swisshelm, or had become so
goll. blamed sentimental all at once that
i she couldn't appreciate good joke when
she heard one.
n THIS old, but tolerably good, story is
" again on its rounds, credited to Ben
Wade: He was once travelling westward
|, and interviewed lank countryman ped
4 ding cakes at n small station in the al
kali region, who remarked: Wall, yasi
W stranger, low we've got jes as fine a
patch o country as can be fetched III
a Ameriky. There amt but two things
we lack; eff we he'd them we'd be all
A. ripht, | kalculate all we need is water
h, and good society" " Humph That's all
hell needs" answered the crusty senator.
!; The unsortunates confined in prisons
n have to submit to great deal OF imper-
tinence from visitors who want to know
u nj the former circumstances that led to
u their confinement. An exchange relate &
'r how one OF these prying visitors was re-
r buhed. He was a sympathetic but
inuuisitive young man, who was visiting
:; a country prison, and gently asked girl
d prisoner the cause OF her being in such 8
place. "Oh," said ste, with contempt
: uous toss of her head, /" stole water
mil and got off safe, but, like fool,
went back after the stream that turneC
n it and was arrested"
a THE logical capacity is one of tn,
i most beautiful and touching things Il
If be seen in the modern small boy. A
r, the conclusion of festival last summe
n an excellent teacher, desirous of admin
4 istering trifiiug moral lesson, inquired
il OF the boys il they had enjoyed the repast
o. With the ingenious modesty OF you'll
Of they all responded, "Yes, sir" Then,
i asked the excellen. teacher, 'if you had
er slipped into my garden and picked those
n, strawberries without my leave, wo",@ az
Id they have tasted as good as now Nd
We Every small boy in that sts,aed am - - ~