The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1878-12-17
MIsCELs.ANy.


umbrellas. They'll be inst as bad as
the other kind-neyer round when II
rains.
There is man in Washington the
most powerful in the country, He car
ries a horse scar on his check.
When a man is blown up by gunpow-
der his recovery is doubtful. That il,
the recovery Of all Of him.
What riles n country postmistress is
TO have postal card come TO the office
written in French or short hand.
Can you notice similarity between
10 years in penitentiary and religion?
We can. Both are the result OF con-
viclion.
Colloquy between new acquaintances
~ once sat on the judges bench in
Texas" "That so! Where was the
judge?"
There is no mistaking n real gentle
man. When he approaches free lunch
table he always wants a napkin and a
chair.
A young lady who has a young man
keeping company" with her, who is
employed in telegraph Office calls
him "the electric spark.
Medical Examination. n.-"what is
there besides ether and chloroform to
produce unconsciousness?" Visiting
Boy: "a club.
Why must n man who has been shot
through the head necessarily have but
little hair? Because he's balled about
the head.
A little boy asked his mother: DO
you know why stockings wear out first
at the toes!" mo Because toes
wiggle and heels don't"
1t is we'll known 10 archnologists
"and sich" that Boston was 90 called
by the original inhabitants because
they considered il the BOSS Town. y
She asked him il her new dress wasn't
as sweet ~ a spring rose, and the brute
said il was, even TO the minor attrac.
ton Of having a little due on it.
John writes to ask il "old Boreas
ever had any wivos?" Certainly; didn't
you ever read about the Merry Wives
OF Wind, sir?"-l Brooklyn Eagle.
Yesterday a policeman arrested
boy who had an onion tied up in the
corner Of his handkerchief. The charge
against him was carrying concealed
weapons.
"You oughtn't 10 drink" says
friend. "See how it makes you stag
ger when you try 90 walk" "Thaz
ari, says the wretch. II ossent try
10 walk: THAI whaz matter.
An old lady being asked 10 subscribe
10 q newspaper declined on the ground
factured it herself.
Wouldn't you rather lose seven dol
lars and half than go up stairs in the
dark aud fud the top stair one lower
than you thought il was?-lLynn Semi
Weekly Reporter.
A brick fell from a scaffold on the
head OF passing negro. "Fling dem
ere peanut shells anoder way up dere,
won't yer?" was the darkey's advice, as
he scratched his wool.
Mother-in-law, holding the scream
ing baby. Dear little darlin' How it
looks like its papa nowI'. Papa won
ders why il is that his wife's mother al
ways compares the baby TO him when
it is crying, aud not at other times
We call the attention of tramps TO
fact, TO which we invite the attention
Of tramps, that tramp has struck a
mine in Nevada which yields him an
income OF 81, 900 a day. We call 10
this fact the attention of tramps. i New
York Graphic.
The question whether the top of
carriage wheel goes faster than the bot
tom is again creating discussion among
scientific men. When they get tired
of the subject we know a fellow from
the club" that will be the. final
spokesman. New Haven Register.
Small Boy-"Say, Mister, I'll give
yer ten cents for the use OF q revolver
tor about three minutes; / want TO
commit suicide. Father aud mother
are quarrelin' and ightin' about half
their time on my account, and IL was
out of the way guess there'd be peace
in our family"
There are ffty men journalists TO
one woman ditto in this country" And,
therefore, brethren, isn't il rather un-
gentlemanly 10 say smart" and cruel
things at the expense OF women when
she has only one chance in fifty to re-
turn the complement (This sounds
like a conundrum, but il is not one.)-
Norristown Herald.