Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1878-08-03
A Heavy Tax List.
The assessor has sent me a tax
duDlicate to FIJI ont.


The assessor has sent me a Ia
duplicate to fill out.
: am against all taxes. / thin
) we would all be better off withoU
them, even if our country would nc
be. am against taxation withou
representation, since represent bu
little. and am in favor of represen
tation without taxation.
1t is the stanp-taX renewed, a
the tax makes everybody stamp
whether they have got the stamp
or not.
1 have frequently tried to dodg,
the assessor, but he has always hap
pened to assess the dodger.
| wish this United States Govern
ment could get along without hav
ing to call on me every year regu
larly to help it out of debt. i am
getting tired of it. 1t has always
been a great drain on my wealth.
This is the last duplicate / shall
ever make out, and / warn the
United States not to trespass on my
premises again in the form of one
eyed collector. Here is my inven-
tory:
CROPS AND OTHER STATISTICS.
Amount of Land ONned-One
mud-puddle, two swamps and a
frOg-pOnd in Biinkins county.
Rye-One small bottle for medic
inal use only.
Corn-Three of them.
Potatoes-One half-peck in a
basket in cellar, very small.
Tobacco-Five cents worth i'm
small box.
Butter-Pound and half little
past the prime of its life.
Bees-None, but have had plenty
of hives lately, owing to the hot
weather.
HOney-157 pounds of it; that is
just what / weigh, and that is what
my wife calls me-when there is a
new dress on the horizon.
HOrSes-One clOthes-hOrse, Grip
pied one rocking horse, spawned,
and one saw-horse, not much used
would like to see it broken.
BOnds-Matrimonial bonds ex-
ceedingly secure, ten-thirties, two
fOrties and rising like all sixty.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Money-One strong box filled TO
depletion; one other box iron-Dound,
stuffed empty; one pOcket-boOk,
bulged-in one stone vault full
of old tin cans; one shed full of
r3inos of pork, ETC.; one vest pocket
containing two pants buttons (4124
grains fine), and small change to
the amount Of three shirt-buttOns-
besides one copper hole with a cent
in it, legal tender to the amount Of
ten dollars, and one lead nickel,
available with the washwoman who |
can't detect a missing button.
Notes Bearing Interest-Numer- !
Gus, and able to bear it for long
period. My notes are 50 valuable |
that people keep them steadily. |
Those notes are gOod,for their cheek, !
/ mean, for their face. Those four |
thousand and twenty notes repre-
sent $4,000 worth of wealth /
seen.
Income-AlmOst as large as the
outcome, and both are increasing in
My income amounts
positively to the sum of blank dol
lars, and am willing to swear to ii,
loud.
Value of all credits after deduct
ing debts-This question should be
value of all debts after deducting
the credits; there would be some
figures for showing, then.
Pleasure Nehicles-One wheel
barrow, single-wheeled, but a nObby
turnout; you ought to see me
handle it on the road one hand
,art, very handy. Amount a sub
ect of investigation.
Gold Plate-One, with a set Of
,eeth aboard, used at every meal.
China Ware-One broken set and
)ne tea box.
Silver Watches-One, valued at
,wenty dollars a year by the silver
smith, and he is the one who should
)ay the tax on it. .....
PianofOrtes-Not one, and it is
worth five hundred dollars a year.
Pianos are not my forte; when /
want any amount of unbOttied con-
usion l can easily go down to the
)Oiler factory and crawl into boiler,
While fourteen workmen play OH
he outside with hammers.
Paintings-One table with plates
,ainted on it, valued at five hundred
lOllars a year, as they never get
Knocked off and broken, and they
10 not require washing three times
! day.
Value of LOts-One lot Of children
yalued at $25, 600 a foot, or a head
me mortal lot, worth beyond the
each of figures. But don't tax
hat.
Houses-One cottage by the sea,
me castle in Spain, one bust of Pal
ce all exempt.
Value of All Goods on Hand
April First-Pair of buck-skin
doves, once valued at one dollar.
Deposits in Bank Subject to Draft
None; had some, but they were
ublect to too much draught and
lew away--as did the bank. saw
ny hard earnings go with many
but the honest President
with his creditors at
D5 on the dollar and promised a
imilar payment i'm six months.
BOats-Several ships at sea this
a large interest i'm several
'arks at night; both exempt.
Sawmills-$2.50 invested i'm one !
awmill, consisting of wood saw
nd buck; very small horsepower. ,
Manufactures-K KeyhOle factory; ,
make portable keyholes for conven-
ence in carrying at night when you ,
o home very valuable, beyond /
stimate.
1t seems to me that will be taxed /,
ike taxidermist this year. ,
Sworn at and subscribed to by
WASHINGTON WHITEHORN.
udge sneod Declines the Race for {