The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-05-31
WIT AND HUMOR.
VEIL of Tears-Crape.

WIT AND HUMOR.
VEIL of Tears-Crape.
A DEAD Set-The Coroner's jury.
DROPPING a privateer-Weeping in
secret.
THE rabbit is timid, but no cook can
make it quail.
THE man who cuts across lots is sort
of cross-patch.
RAILROAD depose-Turning out the
Superintendent.
The scales of justice are for the weigh
of the transgressor.
A GOOD school book, like dress-shirt
bosom, should be well studded.
THE American rifle team can tell you
what's in an aim, if Shakespeare
cannot.
A TRANSACTION that scots everybody
Taking down the parlor stove for the
season.
YOUNG poets find it hard to win fame
nowadays. There are 30 few anonymous
poems to claim.
A MAN is obliged to die before his will
amounts to anything, but that of awoman
is always in force.
A CORRESPONDENT wants to know what
Kilt skirts ought to be made of. COrse
material, we should say.
"DYING in poverty" says modern
moralist, is nothing-it is living in
poverty that comes hard on fellow"
LET'S see, is this the day for the cable
to declare "War Inevitable9" or is it
the Peace-Assured day Morris
tom Herald.
PEOPLE who attempt to cut boarding
house pie -crust with fork should re-
member that time thrown away can
never be recalled.
A FREIGHT Car was recently broken
open on the Boston and Albany road and
a case of soap taken. Probably case
of car-steal soap.
AN Eastern antiquarian has discovered
that the reason
The boy stood on the burning deck
was that there was brass band there
Breakfast Table.
THE ktdst- Table man says "there
are four quarters in everything but the
Fourth of July" Will it tell us if
there are four quarters in hind quarters
l-Graphic.
THE Cincinnati Enquirer's ESSAY on
Man" is in one canto. as follows:
| Mans a vapor,
Full of woes
Starts a paper,
Up he goes.
PAUSE, vain and impatient youth.
Squander not thine earnings for magic
ehxirs wherewith to hurry up thy tardy
mustache. Esau might have saved his
birthright and avoided a world of
trouble had his face been as smooth as
thine. Table.
BOY in Sunday. school proposed
question to be answered the Sunday fol-
lowing: How many letters does the
Bible contain? The answer was $780,
333. THE Superintendent says to James,
"Is that right2 "No, SIR" was the
prompt reply. "Will you please tell us
how many there are, then 2" "Twenty-
six, SIR"
MUST it not be exquisitely romantic to
be on your knees before one of EYES
lovely daughters, heaving up torrent
of delectable sentiments between her
glowing, parted lips, raising roses on
her cheek by the acre, bringing tears of
ecstasy to her eyes, and at the critical
moment, when she is on the point of
swooning blissfully away into your
arms, to hear her anxious mother cry:
"You, Sal, hev you fed them ere hogs ?"
| MAY.
I saw child, once, that had lost its way
| In great city ali, dear Heaven, such eyes!
| A far-of look in them, as If the skies
| Her birthplace we're. SO looks to me the May.
| April is wInsome; June is glad ana gay;
| Law yt N suc w
Lovely as dropped from some lar Paradise,
And knowing, all the while. herself astray.
Or Ia the fault with us Nay, call IL not
| A fault, but a sweet trouble. IL it We
Catching some glimpse of destiny
In Nays renewing toucn, some yearning thought
OF heaven, beneath her resurrecting hand
We who are aliens, lost in a strange land?
Caroline A. Mason, in June Scribner.
CHICAGO COMMERCIAL ADVERTISER
cit was simply an informal affair"
wrote the editor, of a little strawberry
party at a neighbours house. :" 1t was
simply an Internal affair, read the COM
positor, and that editor will never get
any more invitations from that quarter.
"This is meat and drink, said the
sailor, who sat on the sunwale slipping
his grog-following his remark by tum-
bling back into the water. SAY, and
there's washing and lodging" said his
mcssmate.
MACBETH TO THE DAGGER.
Il this dagger which see before me,
The handle toward my han'f
Or il the -hic--point toward my han?
A Teller can't most always some-hic-someumes
tell.
Come let me clutch thee-Oho, you won't?
Well, then, I'll show ye who's runnin' the she-hic
-shebangi
have thee-hic-not and yet have thee STILL
Hello, see two daggers, or I'm goat
Art thou not, fatal too-hic-toothpcks,
Sensible TO feeling, a. to sight? NO;
That couldst not be-hic, else could
Feel thee double as double do I-hic-see thee
praps tbou art but a couple OF dsggers of the mind,
false cre-hc---creation. 80 TO speak,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain Ia good,
And will I that word lay up In the vast
storehouse Of my mind for Mrs.-hic-Mrs. Mac
beth.
Oh CITY Derrick.