Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1878-03-28
THE ATLlNG MAN.
no had no Liver a, an, to speak of

no na0 NO Liver At all 10 SRG&~A Va
Burlington Hawkeye.
had such a pleasant companion on my
way home from Aurora He got on at
Bristol and took dinner at the FCosmo-
politan.'' He sat with me at dinner and
didn't seem to have much appetite. He
groaned when he took up the bill of fare,
and signed as he looked across the table at
my order, and then shook his head dole
fully and told the waiter to bring him
little boiled trout, with egg sauce; bit
of boiled mutton, with caper sauce; some
roast beef, trife rare; just a taste of
roast lamb, turkey with cranberry sauce,
mashed potatoes, roast duck, some pork
and beans, Boston style; stewed toma-
toes, corn, turnips, squash, peas, bit of
cold tongue, some sharp relishes and a
cup of coffee. Then he ordered some as
sorted cake, cranberry pie, Indian pud-
ding and ice cream for dessert, and said
he felt a darued sight more like dying
than eating.
If he dies as we'll as he eats, Just imag-
agine, just think, what a glorious, tri-
umphant death that man will die.
Shortly after dinner the poor man came
into the coach aud sat down opposite me.
''Ah,' he said with a deep groan; 81
don't know what l wouldn't give if l
could eat like you.''
''Sir!'' L said, in a fine burst of indig-
nation, for feared he was going to ac-
cuse me of swallowing my knife every
time took bite of pie, and 1 just made
up my mind that 1 would cut his heart
out if he hinted at such thing.
"Oh, it's fact, he replied. 'sI have
not enjoyed meal for years.
"Was it possible?'' asked In amaze
ment.
'FIndeed, yes,'' he replied. "I'm all
out of fix. I've got no liver at all to speak
Of"
didn't suppose one liver would be of
any account to him. 1 rather thought
that if he could get couple of gangs of
livers, and work them by. reliefs, they
might be able to help him along, especial
ly if he had them made of tin. But then
he was stranger to me, so I didn't feel
justified in making the suggestion.
''No," he continued, 'my liver is no
more account than lump of lead. /
suppose . he said, plaintiYelv, Eeit's as
big four of yours"
And he looked at me with an appealing
glance, as though he expected me to take
my liver out and let him examine it, as
though it were an oroide which he want
ed to trade for.
Now, if there is anything In this wide,
beautiful world that will make me mad,
it is to have man who is aflfng sit down
and bore me with list of his diseases and
a detailed description of his anatomical
arrangements. And the men of free
America, it seems to me, would rather
talk about their perishing livers than
their neyer-dying souls, and it always
makes me mad for man to come at me
and burden me with complaints about the
torpidity of his liver, as though were his
physician. / am proud to confess to the
blindest, densest ignorance concerning
my own inner life. 1 don't know wheth-
er my liver is round or shaped like a gun
case, and don't know where it is, and 1
don't care continental, although al
ways had the impression that it was just
under the shoulder-blades. So 1 said to
the man with very great enthusiasm.
''Oh, do tell me all about your liver! l
should like to know all about it. am so
interested in such things.
The man looked a little surprised at my
sudden enthusiasm, but he said there
wasn't much to tell about it. 1t was as
torpid, he said, as snake in December.
''Oh, charming, charming ~ exclaim-
ed. "And is it tame? Do you let it run
around loose or do you have to keep it
chained up?"
The stranger started, and looked as
| though he would like to sit little furth-
er away. He said he didn't Just exactly
| understand me.
''And how is your spleen?" l asked,
eagerly, F'and your ventricles? And do
tell me about your thoracicduct, and how
do you get along wit your tonsils? And
have you raised any new bones since
saw you last; and when did you hear
| from your diapragm? Do tell me all
about all your viscera; make a clinic of
yourself, and tell me the Christian names
of all your bones and the appurtenances
thereunto appertaining. Tell me-
But he got up and slowly backed out of
the car, and the conductor shortly after
ward told me that the man with liver
| told him that the man who escaped from
the asylum at Jacksonville last week was
in the rear coach.