Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-05-10
FU N {!

F. U ~
Nor A MARRYING GIRL...They were
seated together, side by side, on the sofa,
in the most approved lover fashion-his
arm encircling her taper waist, sc.
ssLizzie,'' he said, ''you must have read
my heart ere this; you must know how
dearly I love you.''
Eyes, Fred; you have certainly been
very attentive said Lizzie.
But. Lizzie, darling, do you love me?
Will you be my wife?"
''Your wife, Fred Of all things, no |!
No, indeed, nor any one else's."
'Lizzie, what do you mean?"
''Just what say, Fred-I've two mar
ried sisters
s'Certainly! and Mrs. Hopkins and Mrs.
Skinner have very good husbands, 1
belle ve."
$50 people say; but wouldn't like to
stand in either Mays or Nell's shoes; that's
all.''
'Lizzie, you astonish me!''
'sLook, here, Fred, I've had over twenty
five sleigh rides this winter, thanks to
you and my other gentlemen friends
Fred WINGED little here, whether at
the remembrance of that unpaid livery
bill, or the idea of Lizzie's sleighing with
her other gentlemen friends, I cannot
positively answer.
''How many do you think my sisters
have had2 Not the sign of one, either Of
them. Such pretty girls as May and Nell
were, too, and SO much attention they
used to have! am fond of going to the
theatre, as ell as to a lecture or concert
sometimes, and shouldn't like it if l pro-
posed attending any such entertainment
to be invariably told that times were hard.
and my husband couldn't afford it, and
then have him sneak off alone.''
s'Lizzie, Lizzie-a
''And then, if once in dogs age he did
consent to 60 with me anywhere in .he
evening, I shouldn't like to be Left to pick
my way along slippery places, at the risk
of breaking my neck, he walking alons
uuconsciously by my side. I'm of a de-
pendent, clinging nature, and need the
protection of strong ARM"
Lizzie, this is all nonsense"
sI'm the youngest in our family, and
perhaps I've been spoiled. At all events
know it would break my heart to have
my husband vent all the ill-temper which
he conceals from the world on my defence
less head.'
But, Lizzie, I promise you that l."
''Oh, yes. Fred; l know what you are
going to say-that you will be different;
but May and Nell have told me time and
again that no better husbands than theirs
ever lived; no, Fred, as lover, you are
just perfect, and shall hate awfully to
give you up. Still, If you are bent on
marrying, there are plenty Of girls who
have not married sisters, or who are not
wise enough to profit by their example, if
they had. And don't fret about me, for
I've no doubt can find some one to fill
your place.
But before Lizzie had concluded Fred
made for the door, muttering something
'sunmentionable to ears polite"
"There - exclaimed Lizzie, as the door
closed with bang. II knew he was no
better than the rest. That's the way John
and Alex swear and slam doors when
things don't go just right. He'd make
perfect bear of a husband, but Pm sorry he
came to the point SO soon, for he was just
splendid beau"
A well-knOwn Sacramentan, who had
been out with 'sthe boys" until about
three O'Clock in the morning, felt trife
uneasy as to what his wife would say upon
the subject, and determined to adopt a
little piece of strategy. He entered the
house cautiously. noiselessly removed his
boots, and then made his way to their
bedroom. He was not so obfuscated but
that he knew it would be dangerous to at
tempt to get into bed, so after disrObing
he took up position by the side of the
baby's cradle and began rocking it like
e49er. His wife, aroused by the noise,
discovered him, as it was part of his deep
laid plan she should, and called out, "Why,
what on earth are you doing there?"
ssDoing?'' he replied, keeping the kinks
out of his voice by an almost superhuman
effort, ''doing? Pm trying to get this
baby asleep She's been crying half an
hour, and you've slept through it all !"
His air of righteous indignation was well
nut on, but it wouldn't do-luck was
against him. sWhat do you mean?" his
better half sternly responded. 'Ive got
naby in bed here with me; and she hasn't
cried tonight! When did you come
home?''
A man died in Louisville the other day
who professed to have kissed Bobby
Burns wife. If he had kissed our wife he
would have died long ago.-Keokuk Con-
stitution. Why sol What's the matter
with her.-N. Y. Graphic.
Our ancestors, the monkeys, couldn't
have been 50 ignorant, after all. They
avere all well mp in the high branches.