Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-08-09
Is N


GETTING PIoUs O RAPIDLY.-"Dey
tell me you done jine de ch'uch," said
Uncle Remus to Pegleg Charley the other
day.
Eyes, sir,n responded Charley, gravely,
isdat's So"
"Well, Pm mighty glad 'er dat re-
marked Uncle Remus, with JUNCTION. s.lt's
'bout time dat I WI spectin' fer ter hear
un you in de chain gang. an I'm glad dat
hits de chu'ch. Well, dey amt no tellin'
desc days whar a nigger's gwinter LAM
eyes," responded Charley, %straighten-
ing himself up and speaking in a digniied
tone-syes, I'm fixin' to do better. I'm
preparing fer to shake W0rldliness. I'm
done quit so'shatin' wild desc white town
boys. Dey've been a goin' back on me too
rapidly here lately, an now I'm q goin'
back on dem"
"Well, if you done had de speunce IN it
I'm mighty glad. Eff you got 1ijJun you
better hole on to it 'twen de las' dayin the
moraln'. Hits mighty good fer ter kyar
round wild you in de day time AM in de
night time. Hit'n pay you mo- dan poll
tics, an il you STAINS up like you oughter
hit'N las lOngerin' a bOne fellun. But you
wanter have one er desc yere ole time
grips, an you jest gotter shet yo' eyes an
swing On like Mars Ed. Bald'in's bull
tarrier."
"Oh. Pm goin' to stick, Uncie Remus.
You kin put your money on dat. Dese
town boys can't play no. more Nv. dere
games on me. I'm fixed. Can't you lend
me a dime. Uncle Remus, to buy me .
pie? Pm dat hungry dat my stomach is
gittin' readyto 60 in mo'nin'."
Uncle Remus eyed Charley curiously 3
moment, while the latter looked quietly at
his timber toe. Finally, the old man sigh
ed and spoke:
"How long is you bin in de chu'ch,
sos2?"
Mighty near a week, = replied Charley.
swell. lemme tell ecu dis, now, TO- you
90 emmy fudder. You amt bin III dan
long huff fer ter go 'roun' takin' up c0r-
terbution. Wait ontwell you gifts sorter
seasoned like, an den I'll hunt roun' in
my cIoze an see OF l cant run out a thrlp
er two fer you. But don't you levy taxes
too early" g
Charley laughed and said he would let
the old man off il he would treatto q
watermelon.-Atlamta Consultation.
'STARK. STARIN' MAD.'-An English
physician relates anecdote of one of his
patients, which is not only very amusing,
but expressive OF that particular type of
man who, as a rule, does not practice
what he breaches:
A patient of mine, a middle-aged clergy
man, was suffering from some slight symp-
toms of govt. I recommended q glass Of
hot whiskey and water every day, in pre-
ference to physics of any kind, but myre-
verend friend, with upturned eyes, abso-
lutely refused to accept my prescription,
saying: mo. no. doctor; / have all my
life preached against alcohol in any form.
IT that is the only remedy I must continue
to suffer. Besides.y said he, '.if / rang
for hot water my servants would guess its
purpose"
Said I, "You shave; ring the bell for
shaving wafer. mix your glass OF medi-
cinal whisksy. and who'll be the wiser but
yourseIf2p.
The parson at last submitted and we
shook hands and. parted. In q few weeks
time my carriage passing the sleEgyman's
door, reminded me OF my. clerical friend.
I touched the bell and the thin. care-wOrn
face of a once robust housekeeper nsWer
ed me. I inquired, How s your naaster2"
..Stark, starin' mad, sir-mad as he can
be- mad how! what how mad?"
.4Lor', sir, mad as he can be; why. be
hisself about twenty times every
day!, was tbe innocent reply.
A Mississippi editor, meaning we'll, put
in his paper, s.Raise and eat more chick
.us and tuy less Bacon" When he went
home to his dinner he met Q shrill voice
'Who is running this boarding
You or me 2.
MY DEAR said a husband in startling
tones. after awakening lis wife in the
light. Il have swallowed a dose of strych-
incl, ..Well, then, do fOx goodness sake
g;a still. or it might come up"
If YOU re going to keep a diary, keep A.
II leave il in your other .pants' hinl
,ocket where yonr wife can hook it and
.hen after q day or SO, appear before you
IS a mind seader.
church fairs are good things. They
ooh a nan how to preserve \ look 0fdeep
,'ni,itv while paying out txO dollars 1T
- hard earned money for = ten cent lin
ushiOn.
man is Obliged to die before his will