The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-05-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIGS, IL the language of flowers, are
Ge-locks.
A CERTAINTY in religion"-The con-
tribution box.
APosER for engineers-Does the oyster
live by suction or bi-valve?
ONE good turn deserves another, but
shlrt-collar is only capable of two.
A WORD to topers-Don't complain so
much OF your luck. It's all in your
rye.
WOMEN are generally pretty smart;
but they cannot hold candle to can of
kerosene with safety.
A STRAW about eight inches long and
with no flaw in it makes avery efficient
director of the mint.
ONE swallow doesn't make summer.
but one robin makes a spring. Watch
him, and see if he doesn't.
THE Chinese have notion that the
soul of poet passes into grasshopper,
because it sings until it staryes.
PASSENGER Gin hurry)-"Is this train
punctual ?" Porter" Yes, sir, gen
orally quarter OF an hour late to
minute. ......
SAND is so scarce in some of the inte-
rior counties that the people are obliged
to boil up "new maple sugar for build
ing purposes.
ALEXANDER FL. STEPHENS got lost in
the Senate chamber a few days ago.
After long search, he was found seated
in David Davis chair.
In purchasing an umbrella, says the
Whitehall Times, always select blue
ribboned one, as it is the blue ribbons
that will keep you dry.
"WHAT is wisdom9" asked teacher
of class of small girls. A bright-eyed
little creature arose and answered, Gin
formation OF the BRAIN"
EDO THEY miss you at home ?" he
asked, as she folded and put away let
ter she had just received from her moth
er. Never" she answered, "they call
me ISIS"
Now, IF our name was only Holmes,
when we perpetrated one of our irresisti-
BILE jokes we could round it off nicely
with the remark, "This is Holmes pun"
Pretty good, any way.
A YOUNG man of 20 recently took to
wife Pennsylvania widow of 80, the sole
proprietresss Of couple of petroleum
wells. Of him it may be truly said that
he loved not wisely but two well(s).
Do THE Stay laws provide that, when
a young man calls On his girl he
may stay as long as he chooses with
out any interference from the old mans
cowhides? If SO, chalk us down for
"stayer."
"WHAr is the difference between me
and ST. Paul?" asked one man of an
other. est. Paul was all things to all
men, and you are nothing to anybody"
was the reply. That wasn't the right
answer.
BRowN's wife went to the dentists
lately and took gas. The new set of
teeth is not ready, nor is she ready, and
so there has been peace in the Brown
family for several days. AS Brown JOY
fully remarked, "Her mouth is closed
for repairs"
PROF. BREABY, Of the Aeronautical
Society of London, recently delivered
lecture on the question, "Will Men
Fly?' You're right, professor, they
will, if they come fooling around this
Office with any more original poetry
Breakfast Table. e.- .5.
A LAWYER in q Keokuk courtroom
disagreed with his colleagues as to the
management of case. He stood up,
had an officer bring him glass of water,
and then, with much dignity, washed his
hands, saying, "Your Honor will please
bear witness that I wash my hands Of
this affair.
A LOWELL man, who lost his good
character some time ago, was severely
hauled over by some of his former
friends. 81 knowit, boys. I know my
characters gone; lost entirely. And"
he added rather pointedly, cts too con-
founded bad, for it was the onl y one in
the place worth saving"
: "WHERE do potatoes come from? %
asked little 5-year-old. She was told
the usual thing. But where did the
first one come from?" she persisted.
Her father said he didn't know. Then
she thought for few moments and broke
out with "Well, [ suppose they made
a little. 'teenty one first, and planted
it don't you, papa?" Fo.
A FLEA is lively and sportive little
creature-so little, in fact, that it re-
quires a good eye and quick sight to
catch more than one glimpse of him in
q lifetime-but mathematical science
feels itself a toddling infant when it un-
1ertakes to figure up and explain how
big it would be if it could be photo
graphed with its mouth open.-Breok- 4
asst Table. .,f.s B. -ftf
The mingled blessings and perils of
pring are POLITICALLY presented by an ex-
'haHge as follows:
welcome season Of string beans, e
ava Lettuce, dandelion greens, 4fre tasera-7 Rero
Radishes and juicy beets.
b New-laid eggs and fresh-born meats !
Welcome, season of delights,
-'la Balmy days and breezy nights IA
Welcome, hale and hearty chills,
Doctors physic doctors bills 81 Elftso