The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-12-07
PASSING SMILES.

WE should read books, not to quote
them, but to strengthen our minds and
stimulate thought.
IT takes one less time to get over ones
own misfortune than to be reconcjled to
a neighbours good fortune.
WHAT" said an interviewer to an
unpledged candidate, "doyou intend to
do If you are elected?" "Mv goodness"
said the poor fellow, "what shall do if
l am not electedf'
Now they call Harriet Hosmer a
"Woman Inventor" Don't believe a
word of it Harriet has never invented
woman Tell that to The Hosmerines.
| philadelphia Bulletin. ''A
WHEN Yonkers mosquito alights on
the line of the Central Hudson the flag
man displays danger signal, and rail
road travel is suspended until fifth
track Is laid around the obstruction. -
Utica Herald. q. aaifaaa1 81 Ahi 80
A SKUNK, got into the basement of
Grace Church at Gananoque, Ont, one
evening last week while q prayer-meet-
ing was in progress, and the congregation
was dismissed without waiting for the
benediction, ,.. 81, .saf 4
The politest man of the time lives in
flew Orleans. He went into d tobacco
nist's store, bought two cigars and said
courteously to the proprietor, !" Ii you
do not object to the smell of tobacco, /
will smoke one Of these cigars here"
BANK up summer bonnet with vel
vet and feathers, and fur and straw, and
1t Is Just as good winter bonnet as any
body can make. Then put it on the
back of the hair and let the ears freeze,
and you will be in fashion.-Pecks Sun.
A FELLOW who had been working
dog churn In Wetzel County, for a liv-
ing, was in town the other day and had
got 30 pigeon-toed at the business that
the calves OF hislegs wore holes in the
knees of his PANTS Wheeling Sunday
Leader. 1880
THE Boston Advertiser wants to know
the reason why there is no pleasure in
smoking in the dark. We will give the
reason II the Advertiser will promise not
to tell. 1t is because one cannot enjoy
a smoke until he has light.-LoaceU
Courier.
CLoTHEsPINs are now shipped to New
Zealand. The natives use them for ear
rings, but an old chief who had got hold
of one with half-horse power spring in
its back and hooked it on his nose, was
looking round ten minutes afterward for
a missionary to kill.
's" WHERE are our great men 2" shrieks
the Camden Post Why, Grant is in
Europe, Tyndal is fiddling away on the
prayer gauge in England, Beecher is
getting up a rev lecture, Webb Hayes
Is nursing boil, and we are still here,
still plodding along.-N o. Times.
"WHY don't yous spend your money at
home p a scolding contemporary howls
at its subscribers. Tush, man, do you
expect their wives to run bar in con-
nection with their other household
duties? What is there for them to spend
their money at home for ?-Hapkeye.
LAZY people must take heap Of COM
fort these cool mornings and no flies to
bother. Why can't some one invent
something to annoy them Detroit Free
Press. No need for ingenuity there.
When the last lean, ghostly mosquito
withdraws his bill come the January
bills Cincinnati Commercial. isdf .,fa
THE surgeon-in-chief sent for one of
his junior assistants, who, Fastening to
his superior's presence, found him just
sitting down to superb roast fowl and
a delicious pate. "Ah, Smith," cries
the chief, have you breakfasted yetT
"No, DOCTOR" replies the assistant,
radiantly. Then go and get your break
fast and come back; you will have lots
of time"
There was a man in our town, in ,,s.a.ftl t,f
III And he was wondrous wise;
He opened up candy shop, VHfCrt l1.Hl
But failed to advertise.
His stock was fresh, his prices low. iF5liis
That, though his prospects seemed most bright.
The boys neer bought his pies ira T..
One day an idea struck this man,
Which opened both his eyes; yii@ ei' ~
His trade improved, his Golfers flled-,.
He'd learned 10 advertise. -Courier-Josrndl {
! A GOOD deal depends upon the way Of
doing thing. Nothing is pleasanter
than to see o wife cut delicious
pumpkin pie with her own fair hands,
and lovingly deposit the biggest chunk
on her husbands plate; but it's very
disagreeable for the same woman to slap
the whole pan of it over him because he
simply remarks he wished he know
somebody that could shorten crust like
his mother used to do. SEA fa,a esars
The rigid observance of English rules
in the South Carolina Courts, and q
neglect of the same ON the part Of
Mr.. Petigru,J gave rise to the following
passage; "Mr. ,Petigru," said the
Judge, you have on q light coat. You
can't speak, Petigru replied: May
it please the Bench, conform strictly
to the law. Let me illustrate: The law
says that the barrister shall wear black
gown and coat, and Your Honor thinks
that means black coatT YES" said
the Judge. "Well, the law also says the
Sheriff shall also wear cooked hat and
sword. Does Your. Honor hold that the
sword must be cooked IS we'll as the
hatT He was permitted to 60 on.
JUST as quick as Mr.. Jones painted
his barbed wire fence blue, farmer
Smiths wife said she wasn't going to be
outdone, and the fence. around Smiths
farm soon blossomed out red, pinked
with white. Mrs. Jones wasn't going
| to have any. of the Smith family putting
Ion airs over her. and their blue fence
was soon trimmed with gold leaf stripes.
Smith trumped over by putting q gilt
bali ON every barb, and Jones when last
heard from was planting weather-vanes
| gilt horses, peacocks and hghtning-rod