The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-09-06
AN INoU1sITIvE MAN.
Times when People should Infer,
Times When They Shouldn't.

Times When People Should Infer, and
Times when They Shouldn't.
He slipped into an ice-cream saloon
very softly, and when the girl asked him
what he wanted, he replied:
Corn beef, fried potatoes, pickles and
mince pie"
This is not a restaurant; this is an
ice-cream parlor," she said.
'Then why did you ask me what
wanted fors Why didn't you bring on
She went after it, and as she returned
he continued:
you see, my dear girl, you must in
fer-yOu must reason. 1t isn't likely
that / would come into an ice-cream par
Tor TO buy grindstOne, is it: You didn't
think came in here to ask if you had
any baled hay, did you 90
She looked at him in great surprise,
and he went on:
"If I owned hardware store, and you
came in, would infor that you came in
my line. wouldn't step out and ask
you if you wanted to buy mule, would
She went away highly indignant. An
old lady was devouring dish of cream
at the next table, and the stranger, after
watching her for moment, called out
my dear woman, have you found any
hairs or buttons in your dish ~
Mercy mop she exclaimed, as she
wheeled around and dropped the spoon.
well, I'm glad of it, he continued.
IF you find any just let me know"
She looked at him for half minute,
picked up the spoon, laid it down again,
and then rose up and left the room. She
must have said something to the proprie-
tor, for he came running in and eX-
claimed:
did you tell that woman that there
were hairs and buttons in my ice-cream ~
mo, sir"
"You didn't?"
mo, sir, did not; merely requested
her, in case she found any such ingredi-
ents, to inform me-"
well, sir, that was a mean trick"
my dear SIR said the stranger, smil-
ing softly, Ibid you expect me to ask the
woman If she had found IA crow-bar, or a
sledge- hammer in her cream? 1t is i'm
possible, sir, for such articles to be hid
den away in such small dishes"
The proprietor went away growing,
and as the stranger quietly supped away
at his cream two. young ladies came in,
sat down near him, and ordered cream
and cakes. He waited until they had
eaten little, and then he remarked:
''Beg pardon, ladies, but do you OBJ
serve anything peculiar in the taste OF
this cream ~
They tasted, smacked their lips, and
were not certain.
Does it taste to you as if a plug OF
tobacco had fallen into the freeZer?" he
asked
"Ah! kah!" they exclaimed, dropping
their spoons and trying to spit out what
they had eaten. Both rushed out, and il
wasn't long before the proprietor rushed
in.
"See here, what in blazes are you talk.
ing abOut!' he demanded. What do
you mean by plug tobacco in the freezer ~
my kind friend, asked the ladies il
this cream tasted of plug tobacco.
don't taste any such taste, and don't be
lieve you used a bit of tobacco in it,"
We'll, you don't want to talk that way
around here! !" continued the proprietor
my ice-cream is pure, and the man who
says il isn't tells bold lie!'
He went away again, and woman
with long neck and sad face sat down
and said to the girl that she would take
a small dish of lemon ice.
1t was brought, and she had taken
about two mOuthfuls when the stranger
inquired:
Excuse me, madam, but do you know
how this cream was made-have you any
idea that they grated turnip and chalk
with the cream ~ She didn't reply. She
slowly rose up, wheeled around and made
for the door. The stranger followed af-
ter, and by great luck'his cOat-tails cleared
the door an instant too soon to be struck
by five pound box of figs hurled with
great force by the indignant proprietor.
AS he reached the curbstOne he halted,
looked at the door of the parlOr, and so
lilOquiZed:
There are times when people should
infer, and there are times when they
shouldn't. I suppose if had asked that
woman if she thought they had hashed
up saw-mill in the cream she'd have
throat. Austin, New, Reveille.