Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-02-01
F. u n !!

UNCLE MOSES LESSON Uncle Mos
es is the chief executive of a suburban col
ored Sunday-school. The other Sunday,
raising his black face with its snowy fringe,
he peered over his ante-belum ''stock ;"
and collar at the little nigs, who were buzz
zing like bees in a hive just under his nose.
'sOrdah! ChilleD. ordah! Don't yer
heah me, chillen !? Leetle Jim Lump
kins, dere, hesh dat talkin' like a cunster
BILE on lection day."
When Jimmie ceased his conversation
the chief executive resumed:
II calls de detenshun OBJ de school ter de
way yous been cariyin' on dis Dressed
day. Wot yer bin doin'? Yer knows!
An de way yer tongues is bin carruscat-
in is scan 'lous.'
The black fingers pushed the tall collar
back and pulled the black chin for, ard
Now, puts it ter yer, an do you all
listen, an you, too, Lie Mullins ak you
dis question-How menny eyes you cnillens
got ?''
Chorus-ssTWo."
How menny mouves yer got 20
Unanimously -
What does dat mean 1t means yer
mus see twice IS much es yer tells. Now
how menny yeres yer got?"
"CnOrus-"Two.'
AN how menny MOVIES?
.sOne.
dat means yer mus heab twice es much
as yer talks. Now, member dis lesson.
an you, Henry ellis, contribute de papers
'roun fore we jines in prar. '-Memphas
AoGldach.
PAY the bill ?'' said a gentleman who is
well known to collectors as the prince of
procrastinators ST should be happy to do
so : but this damp weather has caused my
money drawer to swell. and l cannot get al
my funds. Come the first dry day.
A man who thought he would present
his wife with material for new dress was
somewhat surprised to see the dealer slip
the cloth in an envelope and say he would
have the buttons sent right up in dray.
The difference.between the black and
white race is easily explained a
white man is cnokiDg he turns black, bui
doesn't turn any thug but his eye Tails.
A contemporary asks: Are Americans
giIls delicate?'' 1t depends very much Oh
whether you offer them cocoanut cake and
ice cream or a bar of soap and wash
board.
MA y said small boy, approaching his
mother. and exhibiting unmistakabl.
symptoms of a severe pain i'll the stomach
'.do green apples grow in heaven ?"
Among the conditions of sale by an Irish
auctioneer was the followibg-''Th high
est bidder to be the purchaser, unless somt
peltlelnal. bids higher"
The name OF New Hampshire school
teacher is May l. Cough. 1t is much NOR
common to hear school teachers addressed
as MAY Gwout :"
Professor-ssIs the intensity of gravity
greater at the poles or at the equator 2"
Sopn more-s' Y s: STRIP Prof.-''Which :"
Soph. It's greater"
There has been so much rain in Southern
iowa this winter that the conductors of
the freight trains take rank with rear ad-
admiiaiS.
New English statistics show that wealth
er cold enough to freeze a mans ears and
toes will simply make woman's nose
little red
The farmer as he gazes over the market
report and notices another drop in pork,
wonders if there Ism t away to remonetiZe
hogs.
1t takes all the enjoyment out of game
of croquet to hear it called Ian amusement
within the reach of the feeblest intellect"
Rowland Hill said, when he once saw
boy on a rocking horse, Like some Christ
ians-motion enough but no progress.
To adopt that familiar proverb to suit
these times it should read: Truth is more
OF stranger than gctiop -
1t is singular how arly in life child
gets the repu alton of resembling the rich
est and best looking relations.
Among the items in a plumbers bill are:
To seal ching gas leaking. fifty cents; to
having found it, one dollar.
"A Washington woman has applied to be
appointed a constable. dtspairing Of catcl,-
ing !. man in any other way.
AstnDishsd Englshman.-s'H of course
.hese S bel. Wat would the halp!labet
no without bel ?''
A thin Georgia editor was bitten by
- s.being evidently taken for BONE"
when can new building see9-When
a,as a good site.