davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-07-25
II Might Have Been.

He was young, he was fair, and he
parted his hair, like the average beau,
in the middle; he was proud, he was
bold, but the truth must be told, he
played like a fiend on the fiddle. Bar
ring his voice, he was everything nice,
and his heart was so loving and ten
der that he always turned pale when
he trnd on the tail of cat lying down
by the fender. He clerked in store,
and the way he tore off calico, jeans
and brown sheeting would haye tickled
4 calf and made the brute:laugh, in the
face Of a quarterly meeting. He cut
quite dash with a darling NOUS
tache, which he learned to adore and
cherish, for one girl had said, while
she dropped her proud head, 'twould
kill her to see the thing perish. On
Sunday he'd search the straight road
to church, unheeding the voice of the
scOrner; and demurely- he sat like a
young tabby cat, with the saints in the
amen corner. He sang like bird and
his sweet voice was heard fairly tug
ging away at long meter; and we speak
but the truth when we say this young
youth could outsing hungry mus
quito
y
scrambled her hair, like the average
bold, yet the truth must be told, the
way she chawed wax was pity. Bar
ring this vice she was everything nice,
and the world admired her bustle; and
the Fayetteville boys, being calmed by
the noise; walked miles to hear it rus
tie. She cut quite swell, did this
IL, kal -.
crowds to meet her; but she gave them
the skirk, for she loved the yonng-
clerk who sang like hungry mosqui
to. So she hemned and she hawed
and she sighed and she 'chawed,' till
her heart and her jaws were broken;
then she walked by the store, while he
stood at the door awaiting some lOv>
ing token. She raised up her eyes
with mock surprise, and tried to en-
act the scOrner; but to tell the truth,
she grinned at the youth who loved the
amen corner.
They met-alas! what came TO pass
was oft and sweet and precious; they
wooed, they cOoed, he talked, she
chewed-oh, how they loved, good
gracious! They had to part, he rose to
start, her grief cannot be painted; these
are the facts: she swallowed her wax,
then screamed, then chOked, then
tainted. Her pa approached; her beau.
quite scared, rushed out to get some
water; the watchdog spied his tender
hide and bit him where he 'oughter.'
The tale is sad, the sequel stern-so
thinks the youth just bitten. He sighs
no more. as oft of yore-he gave the
girl the mitten.
She pined apace, her pretty face
looked slender and detected; her father
kind, but somewhat blind, beheld her
and reflected. His income tax he
spent for wax-sEe smiled and called
him clever. She went to work, for
got the clerk, and chaWed in bliss for
ever.
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-07-25
POETRY.
A bachelors Apology.

Her eyes were bright, her figure slight,
And light as any fairy;
Her nose was heayenward inclined,
Her manners sweet and airy.
Her mouth was like q rosebud;
Her voice ike any linnet;
Her head was little, and fear
Had very little in it.
But then 70 artless was her art
My heart could not resist her;
And, added to her other charms,
She had pretty sister.
They bloomed like any other rose,
They blushed double pink;
One graced the name of Laura;
The other, Kate, ! think.
When left alone with Laura,
Love urged his soft dictate;
And in sweet Laura's absence
dotted more-on Kate.
And thus to choose between them
Twere treason to decide,
Because had been happiest
With either for my bride.
To flch one Vower, and leave her
Companion all all alone,
To pine in single sadness
Would need q heart of stone.
And that's the reason, ladies,
Pm still your partisan,
For being single-hearted,
1 rest single man.
Chambers Journal.
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-07-25
OLD,
TRIED,
AND
TRUE.

People are getting acquainted-and those wha
are not ought to be-with tho wonderful msriis0l
thas great American Remedy, tho
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-07-25
The Tale of the Terrible Fire.

will tell you tale of the terrible fire;
1t springs from the earth-it is dreadful and
dire.
In the dark
Wintry sky
See the spark
Upward fly;
See it grow
In its frame
See it glow
Into flame!
See it burning and blazing;
See it spring into life
With a vigor amazing
How it longs for the strife!
Hear the noise and the rattle
How it swells, how it grows,
Like the crash of battle,
Like the clash Of the fees.
See it rushing and rising and roaring,
See it trying to touch tall star;
Il seems in the sky to be soaring
Like flag of fierce flame from afar.
See it turning and burning and bravIng-
See it streaming and cleaning and red
AhI the smoke in the air now is waving,
Like winding sheet of dull lead.
Hear it laugh with wild glee at each futile
enQeaVOr
To quench or to quell its exuberant force;
1t is flaming and free and fantastic forever;
1t delights and exulls with no pang OF re-
morse,
With no pain, with but passion-mad pas
sion-it quivers
With its pennon of scarlet, the bloodiest
hue,
With its cleaning streams and its rearing
rivers,
1t dares to do all things that flame dares tc
do.
How it darts how il dances and dashes,
As though it had taken for aim,
To reduce all the world into ashes
And TO fling all the world into flame!
1t is gittering and glowing and glaring-
And raging it rings its own knell;
1t is showing its wonderful daring
1t is turning the sky into hell
How it lazily fingers
With its swell and its fall;
With its fiery fingers
Weirdly waving pail;
With its horrible Kisses,
Like the wind in a storm;
With its blistering kisses,
On face and on form
OF its flashes
Bereft,
Only ashes
Are left;
Till its cries
Tell its doom
And it dies
In the gloom.
have told you the tale of the terrible fire;
1t has sung its last song to the luminous Tyre
1t has sung its last song, it has breathed it
last breath,
1t has lived without life, it has died withou
death. -LAppleton's Journal.
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-07-25
MEXICAN
Mustang Liniment,
FOR MAN AND BEAST.

Thisiiniment very naturally originated in Ameri,
ca, where Nature provides In her laboratory such
surprising antidotes for the maladies Of her chill
dren- Its fame has been spreading FOR IS yearH.
until now &c encircles the habitable globe.
The Mexican Mustang Liniment Is q matches
remedy for all external ailments OF man and beast
To stock owners and farmers it Is Invaluable.
single bottle often saves human life or
stores the usefulness OF an excellent horse. OF.
COW, or sheep
It cures foot-rot, hoof-sil. hollow horn. grub.
screw-worm, shoulder-rot. mango, the bites and
stings OF poisonous reptiles and insects, and every
such drawback to stock breeding and bush life
It cures every external trouble OF horses, such
as lameness, scratches. swinny, sprains. foundcz.
Nrind-gail. ring.bone, etc, etc.
4 Tho Mexican Mustang Liniment Is the quickest
cure In the world for accidents occurring IN tho
family, IN the absence OF q physician, such .
burns, scalds, sprains, cuts etc, and for rheuma-
elssn, and stiffness sngendered BY exposure. Pa
ficularly valuable to Miners
I Il Is the cheapest remedy In the world. for h
penetratss the muscle to the bone. and single
application Is generally sufficient to curo.
J. Mexican Mustang Linlment Is PUT mp In thres
sizes of bottles. the larger ones being proportioz
ately much the cheapest. Sold eyery'sherS.
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-07-25

.-Gymn astics taught all the pupils of the
Beaver College and Musical Institute, next
year, without extra charge. Sept. 10, 1878.
r. r. TAYLOR, Beaver. Pa
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-07-25

Bent WOOd-The. best Churn in use;
also Rock Maple and ash Dash Churns, at u
/ q II st. lt d" JEPsoN's.
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-07-25

is the most beautiful work of the kind In the
world. 1t contains pearly $50 pages, hundreds
of fine illustrations, and Sir Chrome PLdfes Of
FTOiUers, beautifully drawn and colored from
nature. Price 50 cents in paper covers; 81 o
in elegant cloth. Printed IN German and En-.
glish.
VickS Illustrated Monthly Mdgdzine-32 page1
fine illustrations, and Coiored Plate in every
number. Price 81 25 year. Five copies, SIS 90.
Picks Cdtdlogue-3O0 illustrations. only cts.
Address JAMES WICK
27 Rochester, N Y.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
A False Alarm.

A large congregation had assembled to
hear stranger of some notoriety. Soon
after he had introduced his subject, the cry
of fire! fire! tire!' in the street very much
disturbed the congregation, and many were
about to retire, when IN elderly lay brother
rose and said:
IF the congregation will be composed
will step out and see if there is any fire
near and report
The congregation became composed, and
the minister proceeded. Taking advan-
tage Of the occurrence, he called attention
to fire that would consume the world =
a fire that would burn foreverin lake that
is bottomless!- and had just concluded a
sentence of terrible import, and not with
out manif,st impression on his audience,
when voice from the other end of the
church, as if in flat denial of all he had
said, bawled out:
ats a false ala,7n'''
The effect was ludicrous in the extreme.
The old man returned, but the inopportune
response spoiled the force of the eloquent
appeal from the pulpit, and even the min
lister could scarce refrain from joining in
the universal smile that passed over the
congregation.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
The Receipt for Prosperity.


l. Let every youth be taught some use-
ful art, and lie trained to industry and
thrift.
?. Let every young man lay aside and
keep sacredly intact certain portion of
his earnings.
3. Let every one set out in life with q
fixed determination to engage In business
for himself, and let him put his deterlnina-
ton into practice as early in life as possi-
bic.
4. Begin in small. safe way, and ex-
lend your business as experience shall
teach you is advantageous.
5. Keep your own books and know
constantly what you are earning and just
where you stand.
6. DO not marry until in receipt Of
tolersblc income-sutficien to live on COM
fortably.
Z. Never get into debt. a man who
owes nothing can never fail.
8. Let every man who is able to, buy a
farm upon which to bring up his sons. 1t
is on the farm that the best men, morally
and Intellectually, are turned out.
9. Bear in mind that your business can
not be permanently prosperous unless you
share its advantages equally with your GUS
toners, An all turkey, ali bussapl, sys-
tenn of business can never succeed in the
long run. Both parties to transaction
must be mutually benefited if the trade is
kept up.
10. Experience has shown that a
scrimpi1s policy with employees is not
the most profitable for the employer. Live
and let live is a better theory.
II. Ifyou find yourself incompetent to
manage business successfully, settle
down contentedly for wages, do your best
for your employer, make his interests
yours, and shape your expenditures 30 as
to live within your income. Every one is
not qualified by nature to manage success
fully, but rs much real happiness Is enjoy
ed in salaried position as IN any other, il
the individual be only frugal and content
ed.
u. Don't seek political Office.
IL. Aim to be just and fair in all your
dealings, and cultivate Il good reputation
for paying promptly.
If these few rules were generally observ-
ed, we should hear but little complaint Of
hard times,
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
THE lMPERISHABLE BOY.
His SpOrtive Endurance-An Animal
ed PaStimc.
From the Easton Free Press. !

From the Easton Free Press
The best authorities among scientific per-
sons have long conceded the fact that it is
impossible to kill boy by any Of the re-
cognized processes of demolition. He
tulnbles off chestnut trees and falls down
wells with impunity; he is perfectly happy
in the midst of narrowing railroad acci-
dents, and prenaturely enthusiastic 4th of
July explosions afford him intense delight;
the most persistent book agents have done
little more than discourage him, and able
bodied streaks of summer lightning have
passed him with disgust.
Yesterday afternoon there was persist
ent recurrence Of ominous silence and hila-
rious laughter among the two dozen or
more carriers of the Free Press that be-
came SO mOnotonous that we felt called
upon 10 investigate. We looked, and be-
hold! the boys had invented new game,
having all the elements Of dangerous fun
necessary to perfect enjoyment.
One boy stood with his back against the
wall, the next boy stopped down his head
in the first boys stomach; the third boy
stopped with his head on the second boys
back, and in this way the line was cOntin-
ued back as far as desirable. Then all the
spare boys took running leap in success
sion, putting their hands on the hindmost
boy, and jumped over as many as posi-
BILE, to come down at the end of the jump
on boys neck with the force of an in
fantile pile-driver, and the next boy comes
down on him in the same way, the efforts
of the jumpers being directed to breaking
the line Of the Shoppers or their necks, Ell
thcr object being equally desirable and at
tainable. The position of the boy against
the wall is one Of great honor and respon-
sibility. 1t requires boy Of strong stom-
ach to enjoy the process Of having the
head of another boy driven into his waist
band by the continued efforts OF fifteen of
his fellows. Sometimes the jumpers be-
come unbearably enthusiastic, and the boy
against the wall finds it necessary to step
aside to re-swallow his dinner. This gives
the STOPPING boy chance to distinguish
himself as his head is jammed against the
wall SO hard that he feels his ears sticking
out under his arms. Sometimes it hap
pens that a small, cOnsumptiye boy gets
into the line of stoopers, and when big
boy comes down on bis back he breaks in
two, and this causes hiatus that is in,n,e-
diately filled by the Shoppers in the rear,
who sprawl on their noses and elbows,
while the remaining Jumpers cayort over
them like cavalry charge.
We always like to encourage little games
of this kind. They have sOothing effect
upon markell bills, fle noise outside, and
the undertaken. The game to which we
refer has resulted in no mortality so far;
but it is only three days old, and we have
an abiding hope. y, assy.9- 49, w g
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
What's an Editor.

Josh Billings is confoundcd obstinate in
adhering to truth that we insist should be
abolished. Look at this:
An editor is a mule whose bizness is to
investigate Il muse paper. He writes edi-
torials, grinds out poetry, inserts deths and
weddings, sorts manuscripts, keeps waste
basket, blows up the ''devil,' steals mat
ter, fites other peoples battles, sells his pas
per for Il dollar and fifty cents Il year, takes
white beans and apple sass for pay when
he can get it, raises a large family, works
la hours out Of "a, noz no Sunday, gifts
damned by everybody, and once in while
whipt bi sumbody, lives poor, dies middle
aged and often broken hearted, leaves no
money, is rewarded for life of toll by
short but free obituary puff in the muse
papers.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
COlfaX as u Hotel Clerk.

Schuyler Colfax was travelling in lows
lately, and arrived at Warren at three A.
NJ. and had to wait several hours for a
train. AS the guest decided to remain in
the waiting-room till daylight, the land
lord, not knowing who Mr.. Colf.x was,
and wanting an hours rest, asked the ex-
Vice President it he wouldn't wake the
porter at a certain hour, and also tap at the
doors of the female ''help," and make him.
self generally useful. Mr.. Colfax readily
assented, and began by polishing the stove,
sweeping the floors, and doing what any
other handy and Industrious citizen would
have done. The porter was awakened,
the girls were raped up, and Il roaring fire
greeted ''mine host" who on rising COM
plimented Mr.. Colfax on his efficiency.
When the train arrived, some one stepped
on the platform and saluted Mr.. COlfax
with, God bless you Schuyler Colfax ;
what in the world are you doing here!''
The landlord was amazed, and was Just
able to ask: .'Are you Schuyler Colfax ~
And when the inn-keeper left .'you could
have played marbles on his coat-tails.''
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
~A~s~--
Can't Afford 1t.

a few days since we saw a young man
who ''couidn't afford to take books out of
tile library He was well dressed, and
we wondered if it was really possible that
he could not afford fifty cents a year for
the very rich blessing the library ought to
be to a young man. Yesterday we saw
this same young man pay fifty cents for a
dozen cigars. which perhaps will last him
two days. Suppose they last him a week.
This would be the same he would have
had to pay for the use OF the library a
year.-Now, that young man is what is
called a ''steady young man,"-does not
drink-and has no immoral habits. lie is
spending probably 500 year for cigars,
and other useless luxuries. Unless be
changes these habits he will never be
worth a dollar III the world, and should
sickness OF adversely come upon him, will
be burden upon some one.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
Colonel Bob IngersOn ON Hell.

From his New York Sunday evening Lecture.
The idea of Hell was born of revenge
and brutality on one side and of cowardice
on the other. In my judgment the Ameri
can people are too brave, too generous
too magnanimous to believe in the inf;l.
nous dogma ofeternal damnation. (Ap.
plause. have no respect for any human
being who believes in it. Laughter ]
Wait until you see ME in hell before enjoy
ing yourselves laughing at me. Laugh
ter l have no respect for the man who
breaches it. l have no respect for the man
who polntes the imagination of childhood
with the Infamous lie. [Applause.] l
have no respect for the men who would
thus add to the sorrows of the world. /
have no respect, say, for one who would
thus endeavor 10 put an infinite cloud or
shadow on the heart Of humanity. Iwant
to be free and frank with you at the outset
hate the doctrine. 1 despiso the doc
Iripe
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
A Fiendish Act.

The Walla Walla Watchman Of February
sth says: ''Last Monday evening Charles
Newland, hardworking, inoftensive man.
died in his cabin, situated II miles below
Shellworth & Co.'S mill, under very suspi-
cious and appalling circumstances. He was
in the employ Of SheliwOrth & Co., but
would live in his cabin below the mill. so
as to hold his claim, which he desired to
pre-empt according to law. Last Monday,
when near noon. he started down to his
cabin and found the door broken open;
also missed his teapot, but thought moth
ing Of it. He then made fire, baked some
bread, fried little meat, and ate his dinner.
Soon thereafter he felt sick and was sud-
denly seized with an awful thirst. IL am
poisoned, he soliloquized and started at
once to go to his nearest neighbor's, Mr..
Smiths, for help, but before he reached
the house, his limbs sank from under him
and he fell helpless to the ground. He
cried for help and Mr.. Smith and his son
came running to his assistance. His limbs
now quivered and he was seized with
spasms; as soon as they subsided he felt
easy and said: ''Smith, am poisoned. l
can tell by the bitter taste my victuals had
when ate them, and my fearful longing
for water; but must not drink, for am
gone the moment do. Take me back to
my cabin and send for Shellworth." They
tenderly raised him up, for he was in great
agony. Mr.. Cooper, partner of Mr.. Shell
worth, on hearing Of the account, started
down to visit the unfortunate man, and, as
he neared the cabin he could hear his ap-
pealing, pitiful cries. When out of the
spasms he could always speak and he again
told Mr.. Cooper that he was poisoned with
strychnine. When he learDedthat doctor
had been sent for he said: ats no use, |
am dying. Eat nothing from what you
find in this cabin, for it IS poisoned" After
this, convulsion followed convussion, and
the poor man died, amid pain and suffer-
ing, which is indeseribable. Words, wheth-
er written or spoken, can never express it,
but who can be the guilty wretch who
thus cruelty huEs . man lnto eternity
without apparest cause er provocation ?
He is strongly suspected. we believe, but
will justice ever reach him?
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
A Friend Under the PILLOW

Lovely woman sleeps with revolver
under her pillow in Nevada. At dead OF
night a plucky little woman in Eureka
awoke to find b,,rly burglar prowline
about her room and ransacking the bu.
reau. She did not scream. She lay as
still as a corpse and waited until he enter.
ed the parlor. Then she took revolver
from its nest underneath her pillow, and
creeping to the doorway, leveled it at the
intruder and without tremor in her
voice commanded him to give up his plum
der. There was fire in her eye and iron in
her tones, and the burglar quailed. A
bracelet, gold chain, a pair OF earrings
all the jewels he had found in the top btl-
reau drawer, he laid on the parlor table
ard meekly asked her it she had any fur
ther remarks to make. She expressed
her keen regret that the scantiness of her
toilet would prevent her conducting him
to Jail. He bowed gravely and left the
house. The little woman then dressed
herself, lighted a lantern, went to the fur
mace where her husband was employed,
and told him all about it.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
Wit and Hzt7,lOr.
\ brilliant scene-kerOsene.

\ brilliant scens--kerOsene.
\ man at Harrisburg, Pa, invited his
friends. recently, to his ''grand annual
bawl" He has been married IL years and
has IL children.
''Truth lies at the bottom Of WELL"
We have often verified this by looking
down into well and seeing Truths hon.
est countenanee in the smooth water.
A lady witness ia Kansas scandal case
declined to answer question. The lazy
yer pressed her. ''Why will you not an
swer:' he asked at last. in despair. ''Be-
cause it is not fit to tell decent people,"
s'Well, then,'' said the attorney, with i'm
perturable calmness, ''step up and whisper
it to the judge
When Washington was carving his way
into the hearts of his countrymea. do you
suppose he ever leaned upon his sword to
ponder that the day would come when his
portrait would look down benignantiy
from over bar, upon two red-nOsed
snoozers putting away bad whisky, and
jamming their noses into each others eyes,
as they discussed, in maagled English, the
boons and blessings Of freedom :-Cncin-
natl Breakfast Table.
There are times in the life of an editor
when all is not dark and dreary when I've
is reminded that there are but few persons
who feel that ehe9fhlness should GaeasiOn-
ally fash across his dismal Bhysisgnomy;
that an editor has feelings which can be
made to vibrate with ths enjoymcnts OF
this life, and their eadeavors to brightet
his life are as an oasis to the weary travelel
across the dreary desert. We refer to the
old lady who sent us in sQuash.-BEYck-
riNe lPa.s Graphic.
A farmer, ha, ing been terribly annoyes
by drumm"rs, put Up sign, ':Na sewing
machines wanted here; got One." 1t Wa
no use. The next drummer wanted to St
the machine, ''and perhaps he'd hitch
trade" So the farmeT put up, SCOT the
smallpox here" That worked We'll for Il
little while, but then came along drum
mer frightfully pitted with the smallpox,
who smiiiqsly said; ''SeeiA' you've got
it bad here, they've pnt me on this
route"
Half Of house was cut off in Napa, GAL,
and moved away: The family that contin-
ued to reside in the remainder temporarily
stretched muslin across the open space.
That evening crowd gathered to see til,
shadow pantomime that the inmates uI-
consciously made tor public amusement.
The supper table was close to the curtin,
so that the movements of the eaters We're
seen in grotesque silhouette on the cloth.
Then the husband kissed his wiie, and that
sight made the spectators laugh so lou
that the show was instantly broken up.