, 1878-05-03

and read the most comforting chapter,
I'm the Bible ,u him. during his worst
puuNy,m..
Wv long wn.h had prrii.posri me 20
,.umbn.,bu, stood mp - u.uaIin ".ing.
lng time, cutting in with iuil inrcu when
SO came tp And that >htl, kiuilc
ours, in the proper place fur the tenor
voices. heard the minister "giyc out
his text. and t.liowcd HIM into hi, ",rc.
nily," when my mind wandered, and a
priuiiccdindiylduni would probably hav
charged me with being asleep. | reused
myself warily, however chcwed bit of
fennrl, and put on 4 look Of intense sat.
isfactiun with the discourse.
Suddenly, became aware Of move.
ment in the direction Of one of my coat.
tails. 4 freezing horror chilled my per.
son from head to foot, aud | knew then
that it was the cider getting ready 10 ex.
plode in my left hand pocket For
moment | tried To summon up an APP.
pearance of unc0ncern, rs if the detOnat.
ing sound came from some other locality;
but its proximity could not be long dis.
guised. Immediate exposure was in.
evitable.
Should | instantly fly from the pew,
| before the cork had time to do its worstI
| deliberated a moment, but it was too
late. One crash, and my fate was sealed,
| In all my experience with corks, never
! heard one leave .he neck of bottle with
a sound like that. The noise was terrific
in its violence, and, to my disorded fancy,
shook the meeting house. The minister
stopped short in his sermon and looked
around bewildcred. Two small, disrepu-
table boys in the gallery collapsed with
delight. Anything to put an end to the
sermon WAS "nuts to them" and they at
once fairly effvrvesced with happiness
over my misery. But their etfervescence
was nothing to that which was going on
in our vicinity! With one mighty bound
the spent up Utica" of cider, with no
cork to stop it, tore into the air above our
pew, and leaped headlong over my shoul-
ders boiling and bursting into the back
Of my neck, and spilling over into the
broad aisle. In vain | tried to restrain
the impetuous liquor with my fingers
to curb its remorseless fury with my
pocket handkerchief; but no effort of
mine could quelI its fleet career. On it
came, Kissing and destroying like wild
tornado in tropic cline, terrible to con
template and awful to experience. 1t
was indeed "a sight to beholdW My
hair became saturated with cider to that
extent, in the language of Professor
Holmes, it "drooped around my pallid
cheek like seaweed on clam" My
garments ran apple-juice and was as
one stepped from crown to toe in cider.
| was odorous with the foaming abomi-
nation, and fearful to look upon.
All eyes were now turned upon me,
evidently requiring an explanation of
such an unwonted scene, when the other
bottle began to give voluble signs of dis
turbance. At once started up in fresh
alarm, and ran out of the pew, making
for the meeting house door with all the
precipitation possible to ruined man !;
but alas / was too late. Out flew the
other cork, and second deluge wildly
ensued. Miss Libby was struck violently
twice in the bonnet, and screamed as I
flew past her into the porch. There sat
down exhausted with shame and over
exertion, only wishing for providential
annihilation on the sacred spot had in
nocently done so much to desecrate.
Reader, may it never be your fate to
hear what | have heard, to see what /
have seen in an fashioned country
meeting. g.house, where everybody knows
you, and where, down to the latest gener-
cation, nobody ever forgets a ridiculous
catastrophe like mine.
For centuries to come, whenever a bot
tie of cider threatens to explode in South
Littleton, some bystanders will be sure to
observe, with a sly look at the tizzling
aperture, "Stand by with tumbler, for
1 guess it's going to Perrittw And
thus my ill.starred name will forever be
associated with ciderial influences, any
thing but pleasant, in the humble village
where was born.-Jdmes Z. Fields, in
Youths Companion.