The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-10-26

the tailor demand cash down, and the children
of the poor go shoeless O.. Things wouldn't
be this way il / WAS Presidentn'
A fashion item says: "Marabout feather bon
nets will DO worn for full dress this winter. "
What scant and scandalous fashion, Anyhow,
we know one woman who will not wear a mara
bout feather bonnet for full dress this winter
This Is relablc.-No'ristotc HciaM
A certain patent medicine advertisement an.
nounces in startling head-li that Liver is
Kingw If this be true, then we have seen cat
snatch king off of II kitchen table and Iun up a
ladder with him.-Nacmaa I,mcpe,Didt.
HERR AND THERE.
"What is the difference" said she,
Between the moon and your
~ cannot tell, my treasured onc,'
Said he, with interest new.
"The difference is this" said she,
With satire Of Junius,
1.-THE moon hath silvcry quarters, love,
While you are impecunious.'
So pleased was she with her success,
She asked him then once more,
"What is the dificrenceW says she,
Same question rs before.
He gave it up and quericd, what?
She answered sparkling bright,
"The moon gets full but once a month,
But you do every night Yonkers Gdzette
What are those purple poscs down by the
brook, ClaraY' asked Gus She was one of those
bright New England girls that take in botany,
Greek and Wcathcrsiicld onions ut the same
breath "If you mean" she replied, those glori
Gus masses Of empurpled ctiorycsccncc that
bloom in bosky dells, and fringe the whipping
streamlets, they are Campanula mtwmifora"
IA, IN I'nit aI ot nv,
lives at Milwaukee and his name is Schmidt
He ruined his sweetheart young orphan girl
and married her to escape prosecution. As soon
as the ceremony was over he deserted her. She
went to the hospital and died Of a broden heart,
and then Mr.. Schmidt appeared and claimed her
clothing and other personal property, valued nj
$1,000, on the ground that us her husband he
was her legal heir.
poem commences "Under the willows he's
lying" He must he tramp. They lie under
all sorts Of trees. One was discovered lying un.
der an axlc-trce the other morning The owner
made him whcel-wrigh, around and eavc.-Nor.
riSto,w HcuH.
Mr. Beccher il thought to have aimed the fol
lowing at Theodore Tildcn ON Sunday night last
"Thcrc be men who are great gcniuses, who
have large faculties Of thought and expression,
who are orators, accomplished speakers Then
there comes small fry If suffering speakers
who have the gestures, the hair the bad gram
mar, running about in imitation"
We are in receipt of large, snowy paper from
Hot Springs, Arkansas devoted To the disscmina.
ton Of general knowledge in regard to that re-
nowned Spa. The local editor finds congcnial
occupation in recording that about o'clock
yesterday two men had sctlo in the vicinity Of
Malvern crossing They were both too drunk to
stand up and fight, so they took the sidewalk for
it, Bitin. and gougiug was INDUCED in extern
siyely. One had the others thumb In jeopardy
and would not let go until 4 hyStandcr stuck II
lighted cigar to his ear"
Quoting our story about the eggs that were
Matched out 10y the sun while the mother hen lay
dead beside the nest, the Joliet Reco,d comments
rs follows Here, take our hat We retire
from the field" the RccDri editor NAV keep his
hat, or lay it on sulphur barrel We don't
want It, Our interest in live stock was exhaust
ed with the hens talc.-Ka,kak,e Gd5,tte
There is a boarding house
Not far awav,
Where they have onion hash
Three times day;
Oh, how the hoardcrs veil
When they hear the dinner bell
Oh, how the onions smell
There every day.-OH Pa,ugraud,r
Right from that boarding house
Most every night
some boardcr packs his trunk,
Skips out Of sight.
Oh, how the landlord howls
Every time Il boarder growls
Oh, how he swcars and yOWls
When they run oil.-Burijagton Ha,rkeyc
The Black Hills is as rich in reportorial rhctor-
ic as in the products Of the mine. \ couple Of
horse thieves were lynchcd there the other day,
and this is how the reporter felt when he visited
the scene:
As we approached, something submcy white
and superby sheeny riyeted our close attention
II was the defunct bodies Of the two victims dan.
Cling mid earth and heaven.
HE WOULDN'T MAKE MS WILL.
You're getting old and weak, papa:
The doctors say you're Ln
Thus spoke The dutifuls SON II think
You'd better make your wll.''
The father from his easy chair
Glanced at the thoughtful bow.
And DER his face the look that stole
Was not Of pride or joy.
'Not IL know myself my son;
Folks think me sane 4" he said
And III do nanght TO make them call
Me crazy when I'm dead"