The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-03-28
Josh Billings Advice to the Girls.

Dear girls are You in search of hus.
band?
That is pumper. and you are not re.
quested to say Eyes" out loud, but are
expedited tew throw yure eyes down on
to the earth as tho you was looking for
pin, and reply tew the interrogatory
with kind of draulin sigh.
/ Not few press tew tender theme I'M
! til it bekums thorn in the flesh, we
will presume (tew avoid arguement)
that You are on the lookout for some
thing in the line. Let me give yu sum
small chunks ov advice how to spot
your future husband:
1. The man who is jellous ov every
little attenshum which you get from
SEINE other fellow, yu will find after
you are married to him he luves him
self more than he duz yu, and what yu
mistook for solissitude. yu will discover
has changed to indifference.
Jellosy isn't heart diseze, it is liv-
er complaint.
.. A mustash is not indispensable; it
is only little more hair, and is much
like moss and other excressences--often
doz the best on sile that won't raise
anything else. Don't forget that those
things which you admire In fellow be-
fore marriage, You will probably dis
like in husband after, and a mustash
will get to be a long time.
3. If husbands could be took on trial
as Irish cooks are; two-thirds ov them
would probable be returned; but there
don't seem to be emmy law for this.
Therefore, girls, yu Will see that after
WI git man yu have got tew keep him,
even if you loz him. Consequently, if
yu have got emmy kold vittles in the
hous. try him on them once in while
during securing season, and, if he swal-
lers them well and seq he will take some
more, he liza man who, when blue Mon
day Gums, will wash we'll.
4. Don't marry n phellar who is al
WIZ tellin how his mother doz things.
1t il two hard to wean yung one.
>. If young man can beat you play
in on a palmer, and kant hear a fish
horn playing on the street without turn
ing Il summerset on account Of
the musick that is in him, l say to
leave him: he might answer to tend
babe and if w set him hoeing out the
garden, you will find that you have got
to do it yourself. A man whoze whole
heft lies in musick land not too hefty at
that amt no better than seedlitz
powder; but if he Inv. to listen while yu
sing sum gentle ballad, WI will find him
mellow and not soft. But don't marry
ennybody for Just one virtew emmy
quicker than you won't flop man for
jist one fault.
6. II is one of the most tuffest things
for female to be an old maid success
fully. A great many has tried it, and
made bad job of it, and had hard
time. Everybody seems to look upon
old maids iist as they do upon dried
herbs in the garret-handy for sickness
and therefore girls, it amt mistake
that yu shud be willing to .wop your
self oph with some true-hearted phel
low, for a husband. The swop il gooC
one; but don't swop fer any man who i.
respectable jist because his father IL
You had better be an old maid for fouI
thousand years and then JON the Shak
ers, than tew buy roper fence at thi
price. No woman ever made this trad,
who didn't get either phool a near
cuss, or a clown for husband.
I. In digging down into this, subject
find the digging goes harder the futhel
| git. 1t is much easier tew inform VI
= who not to take, for the reason there il
more of them.
l don't think You will foller my ad
vice, if give it; and, therefore, | vii
keep it. for look upon advice as l Dc
upon castor ile-a mean dose to Civ,
and a mean dose to take. But I mus
say one thing, or Spite. If you car
find bright eyed, well ballusted boy
who looks upon poverty az sassy as {
child looks upon wealth-who haG
rather sit down upon the curbstone il
front of the 9th avenue hotel. and eat G
ham sandwich than TO go inside and
run in debt for his dinner and tooth
pick-and who Is d man with that ser
of pluck who mistakes a defeat for &
victory, mi advice is to take him body
and sOul-snare him Mt onst, for lie i:
stray trout, breed very skarse in
orr waters.
Take him, ! say, and bid on to him
as hornets bid on a tree.
MIGRATION OF ISsEcTs.-Prof. Riley
regards the migration of insects as due
to their multiplying more than THEN
means of support. The migrations OF
rats are attributed to the same cause
and similar observations have been