The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-03-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIZ ANN AUMUhs
SEE water-Tears.
LOCK of air Thunderbolt.
AN ink-ined plane-A page Of MS.
NEVER take umbrage or umbrellas.
CRoss-EYED men are naturally K
sighted.
EVEN a barrel-hoop viii turn when
trod upon.
A SET of teeth things Dentists in
struments.
A QU1oK-soT-Io proceeding Drinking
beer on wager.
"MIsFORTUNEs never come singly."
Same way with twins.
TIE tune the old COW died of, must
have been written in beef-fat.
REA1-EsrATE rafdes" are announced
in Texas. They draw lots, you know.
A BABY, according to the French, is
an angel whose wings decrease as it's legs
lengthen.
IT was Brigham Young's son who
wroUe the line, what is home without
mother?"
OF what use is it to strike for higher
wages9 Every employe gets hire
wages.
The difference between cashiers is,
that the good ones have CASHMERE, and
the bad ones cash-there. "Over there !
Over there !"
IT is not surprising that Mr.. Diogenes,
who went poking around with a lantern,
couldn't find an honest man. We were
not yet born. -NorristoaOn Herald.
SoHoo1A11sTREss Gust beginning nice
improving lesson upon minerals to the
iuniors): CHOW, what are the principal
things we get out of the earth ?"
Youthful angler, (etat 4 confdentially):
"Worms p
"SUPPosE we pass a law" said Sc
we're father to his daughters, that no
girl under Is years old who can't cook
shall get married until she learns how to
do it?" "Why, then, we'd all get mar
ried at III" responded the girls in a
sweet chorus.
As WILLIAM drew his Susie near
He whispered to his bride:
Though queer it sounds, love, my dear,
70 live by httey'S side"
When years have passed and Sue his head
Has clutched, wives oft do,
Poor Will will wish that he had wed
Some other sort Of Sioux.
GENTLE SPRING.
Another sixty days so,
And where the sHOW-bird pranks
a dozen sons of Italy
VIII kerosene their cranks.
And stirring up the inDards
Of that hurdy- gurdy thing,
Insult the air of heaven
With the lie of 8 Gentle Spring"
A CAT belonging 10 faEaily on South
Hill has reached the ripe age of eleven
years, aud has entirely lost all power OF
expressing its emotions by audible
sounds. And it is just heart-breaking
80 see that voiceless cat go out in the
and climb onto the shed roof
and try, by violent and emotional pan
tomine, to express q yowl that could
break pane Of window-glass eight
hundred yards awsy.-HGa0k-Eye.
CRUMBS FROM THE BREAKFAST TABLE.
"Well, I swan, Billy" said an old
farmer to al understood nephew who
was visiting him, "when you take off
that ERE plug hat and spit two or three
times, there amt much left of you, is
tn ?"
One reason why the Chinese are be-
coming so popular as kitchen servants
is that they keep their hair out of the
butter. John never lees one of them get
away. No hair means no heaven with
him.
No wonder the girls are always ready
to tread the uncertain path of matri-
mony. Mrs. DeRnison has made enough
money out of "That Husband of Mine"
to buy brick house with two bay win
dows.
The man who has the courage to live
within his income in these degenerate
days Of show and feathers don't get half
the credit for it he should have-but he
don't care much. He pays the cash
every time, and asks no favors.
A young lady at Listowell, Ont, was
sent to jail last week for swearing be-
cause her black hair dropped into the
gutter when she jumped out of buggy,
md now the Canadian women want free
ballot and female police Judges.
ITO cure sleeplessness eat an onion
or two previous to retiring" says a
medical writer. Origins has tried it,
md his wife viii sell her furs to reward
he hickman who will set her down at the
loor of the doctor who published the
above discovery. Orig has also come
20 the conclusion that he would sooner =
;oss about recklessly on a feather bed
Ill the ROSTERS crow than to pass the
hight in the wash-house snoring like
policeman.