St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-02-08
Squibs.

The tune the old COW died on must
have been written III beef-hat.
| will never purchase lottery tickets
so long as | can hire Il man to rob me
at reasonable wages.-JoSh Billings.
Senior is questioned: "What is the
name of that lady to whom you are en-
gagged ?" Senior blandly responds:
(Which one ?"-OberIin Reuiev.
Governor Holiday of Virginia gives
a dinner-party every week, and thus
shows his guests what's in name.
Prisoner" said one OF the magis-
trates at IA petty session held few
days since, not far from Banbury-
"PTisoner, you are charged with aiding
and abetting at prizetight." ''Please,
sir, take my Gospel oath didn't bet
IA farthing upon it," was the reply.
A voter having been shown a ther-
mometer, expressed his surprise that
the mere movement of thin thread of
mercury could make it SO much colder.
Brstow to the Bostonians-'sN peo-
pie with beans like these, and brown
bread, ever lost their liberty. Chica-
90 Times.
The only way to keep a diary is to
put it i'll the stove, and this is the time
to do it.-ROchester Democrat.
Good resolutions are like horses. The
first cost is an item of less importance
than the keeping. Rome Sentinel.
There was an old duffer named Brar,
Who said, II eternally swar,
By might and by right I'll
Extinguish the title
Of Hayes to the Presidents chair"
But he ddnt.-BurlingtOn HdaOkeye
We cordially agree with the captain
of the vessel that brought the Cleopa-
ira obelisk into the Thames-that it
isn't pleasant to have a Needle in toe.
Commercial AdUertiSer.
A Philadelphia jury has acquitted
burglar who pleaded that when he was
discovered by householder prowling
about his sleeping apartments in his
stocking feet, he was hunting fol a
servant girl who had just come from
Germany, and who, he had been inform
ed, was living there.
AS they were about to quaff one of
the party suddenly called out to anoth-
er, "Hello, Dougherty-you drinking
whiskey? Sure it was only yesterday
We towld me ye was taytotIer." "Wen,"
said Mr.. DOugherty, evidently some
what disconnected, "you're right, Misth-
er Kelley-it's quite right We are-I
am taytOtler, it's true, but Him not
bigoted one "- Virginia (Neu.) ChrOn-
icle.
Blue Jeans Williams is what may
properly be called an hotel invalid. Af-
ter he had concluded his midday meal
recently, at Cincinnati hotel, one col
ored waiter remarked to another: ''Jes
tell yer, Jeames, that Injianni man
amt no sick alligatur. When lie fus
done sot down to de table | axed him
would he see de menu, an he jes look
at me an say, No, don't mean no.
body Den he shout up, 'Boy, fotch
me some hog an hominay; > an fotch
i'm fo' plates oh dat, au' wen he done
finish up an stop, dat plate he WIS eat
in Otf'n didn't want no scourin'. Yer
h'ar meP"
In wild part of Scotland dealer
in fish used to drive his cart a consid-
erable way inland. On one occasion,
when passing a wild moor where, al
though there did reside schoolmaster.
the knowledge of the inhabitants of af-
fairs in general was not extensive, he
"L"PPOu a iOpolCI. COIDc CulluIeu PIC =
ed it up, and wondering what the
strange creature could be, took it to the
schoolmaster. The Dominic put ON his
''sparticles" and, turning it over and
over, examined it carefully. "Weel,n -
at length said the oracle, ~ ken maist
o. the wonderful animals o. creation, ex-
cept jist twa' and those twa | never
saw. They are an elephant and tur-
tie dove; and so this must be ane o. the
twa."
DEMONSTRATIONS FOR l87S.-There
will be more weather this year than has
been known for fifty years.
Sun rises in the east and sets in the
west until further notice
Neptune will play Sancho Pedro with
Castor and Pollux.
The base ball season comes in us usu-
al. Westward the star of Umpire takes
its way
Hash Wednesday will come as often
as your landlady chooses this year.
The moon will make phases as here
tofore.
Unless something unforeseen shall
have oc-curd, the milky whey will re-
main the cheese with the man in the
moon.
Apogees, perigees and all the delica-
cles of the season can be had in quanti-
ties to suit the purchaser. If you don't
see what you want, ask for it.--Puck's
Almanac,