The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-08-29
OUR STORY TELLER.
INGENIOUS RUSES.
iChambers's Journal.

method of slaekening or quickening the !
pace of walking companion to suit |
his own inclination. ITO say" he |
would argue, "you walk too fast or too !
slow is impolite; but to sing softly an
air to the time of the walk of your com
panion, and then by degrees either to
quicken the time or make it slower, is
stratagem as innocent as it is con-
venient." The principle of Gretry's
ruse was well exemplified in the case of
She stingy farmer who gave his hired
haymaker buttermilk and whey for
breakfast, and going to the field, heard
the man singing in drawling way:
B-u-t-t-e-r-m-i-' x ard whey,
Faint all day, faiui all day;
mis- scythe keeping time to the tune.
The next morning the farmer set good
meal OF bacon and eggs before the man;
and when he went to see how he was
getting on with his work, found his
arms going swiftly to "Bacon and eggs,
take care of your legsw
A debate in the House of Commons
on the Peace Preservation act, or some
such measure, was enlivened by the re-
lation of the following story: A West
meath landed proprietor was 40 attached
10 his daughters entreaties, and could
not be persuaded to take house in
Dublin where gentleman abode in
whom she was something more than
interested. One fine morning the squire
was astonished by the coming of
threatening letter, which he put in the
fire; the next post brought another; I;
and soon a third came, the last illus
trated with spirited sketch of coffin.
The recipient showed them to the
stipendiary magistrate, and before long
a number of detectives were busy in the
neighborhood but they could neither
discover the senders of the Objectionable
missives nor stop fresh ones pouring in
with every mail. At last the threat
ened man gave in, and took himself and
family to Dublin, and before long found
himself turned into father-in-law.
When the happy pair were about to
leave, after the wedding breakfast, the
bride, throwing her arms round his
neck, said: "Go home, father; no one
will hurt hair of your head. 1 wrote
the threatening letters that scared you
away. l wanted to come to Dublin
and as you would not agree, 1 thought
| would trv the ribbon scheme; and il
succeeded"
Had the willy damsel been taken t.
task for playing her sire such scurvS
trick, she would probably have pleaded
that all is fair in love and war. Love
however, is poor excuse for deception
while so cheat a foe, especially wher
that foe is an invader, is justifabl,
enough. During the Franco German
war, a couple of hundred Uhlans arrived
in Norman village. One of the peas
ants hurried to a neighboring hamlet t,
warn well-to-do farmer that he Nigh
expect a visit from the unwelcom
raiders. The farmer was equal to tn
emergency. Calling his wife and daugh
ters, all went to work with will. Tor
quilts, tattered petticoats, dilapidate,
gowns, were thrown over the backs O
the cattle, enveloping them up to thei
horns; their feet and their heads wer
bound with straw; and then the shee
and goats were treated in the sam
fashion. Bottles of medicine were scat
tered about, a large trough was file
with water, and in its midst was place
IN ample syringe. Up came the Uhlans
out at sight of the strangely-attire
animals and the monster SQUIRT the
hesitated. At last one of the trooper
inquired what was the matter. 9TH
plague, that's ALL" said the farmer
he mad 70 answer no more questions
his visitors turned their horses head
and galloped off at their best speed t
make requisition elsewhere.
For less legitimate end did Patric
Murphy exercise his invention. Pa
was candidate for admission into th
police force of certain town, and b
appearance before the Mayor was halle
with cry from the crowd of would /
officers of He can't write his nam
yer honorp His honor announced tn,
he was only there to take down tt
names OF those who wished to apply ft
tie vacant 81 uation, and told Murph
to come again that day fortnight.
hNow, Pat" said well-wisher, IS
home, and every night do you get b
piece of paper and COOL stout pc
and keep writing, your name. I'll s
the copy for you"
Pat. obeyed instructions; and whs
the day came and the Mayor asked
he could write, boldly replied: "Trot
an isn't it myself that jist can"
Take that pen," said the Mayo
"and write-write your name."
As Pat. took up the pen, exclamation
arose behind him. "Pat.'s a-writin,
he's got quill in his fstp' cried OF
amazed rival. "Small good will it
him; he can't write wild it," cri,
another. They were dumfounded VIII,
Murphy recorded his name in a bo
round hand, and the Mayor dec]ar
Thatll do;" but recovering from the
surprise, two of them shouted out |
gether: "Ask him TO write somebo,
else's name, yer honor"
" Write my name, Murphy" said t
Mayor.
"Write yer honor's name p' exclaim
Pat. Me commit forgery, and go
into the policel / can't do it, J
honorp