The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-09-12
PASSING SMILES.


|
He that blows the Goals in quarrelf
he has nothing to do with, can not com.
plain if sparks fly in his face.
THERE is more than considerable diff
ference between manslaughter and
mans laughter.-N. Y. Ne,0s.
He who gains the victory over great
insults is often overpowered by the
smallest; 30 it is with our sorrows.
SILENCE never shows itself to so
great an advantage as when it is the
answer to calumny and defamation.
WHY is an auctioneer who sells wo-
man bottle of cordial a base coward :?
Because he knocks her down an elixir
Puck.
A DUTCHMAN was about to make
journey to his fatherland, and wishing
to say" goodbye" to a friend, extended
his hand and said: "Vell, off l don'd
come back, hullo."
The influence of men is not to be con-
fined to the circle of their acquaintance.
1t spreads on every side of them, like un-
dulations of smitten water, and will
reach those whom they never saw.
"Do not mary a wild wer," said the
old lady. "a ready-made family is like
plate of cold potatoes" "Oh, I'll
soon warm them over," replied the
damsel, and she did.-StillaCater Lumber
| man.
JOY is shy bird, but when man
comes Unexpectedly upon two-dollar
bill in the pocket of an old vest laid
| aside last winter, it flaps its wings and
or ws as loud as anybody's chicken
Breakfast Td6le.
THE gang of burglars who work for
seven straight hours to hammer a safe to
| pieces to secure fourteen cents, know
something how country minister feels
| next day after donation.-Detsoit
| Free Press
WHEN fat man slips on a wet cross
ing and sits down with emphasized pre-
cipitancy on the damp, chilling bosom of
ea' tn, he realizes clear through to his
boot straps tina the world is cold and
unsympathetic. Table.
SCIENTIFIC men say that a person Is
half an inch ia Ter in the morning than
he is in the eve ing. In spite of this,
we all know that men get fearfully high
in the evening sometimes.-SyrGcus
Sunday Times.
A MAN may make ten dollars in a
business transaction without going crazy
with joy, but this can't be said of him
when he manages to dodge horse car
conductor and secure ride gratis
t'I City Derrick.
WHO is it with a funeral tread
Comes slowly home and goes to bed,
And utters what is best unsaid?
'ris he who's fshed since rose the sun,
Subsisting on a single bun
And after all's caught nary one.
IN Y Fo est and Stream.
THE Chandler-street man didn't know
Just how tall he was until he went into
his house through his back yard a few
evenings ago in the dark. He ascer-
tanned that he was about head taller
than the wet clothes ine.-Derter
Smiths.
LOVE-" remarks the moralist of the
Graphic, " is deaf as we'll as blind" Too
true, too true. A man has to love you
at rate of about one hundred and
ninety degrees in the shade before you
can make him hear you ask him for 50.
-HaUkeye.
THERE are some scenes almost too
pure and sacred to be viewed by the
thoughtless world. One of them is a
two-hundred-pound woman with mole
on her chin " talking baby" to an ounce
and-a-half canary bird in brass cage.
-Rockland Courier.
In the stomach of large fish recently
caught in the river near Port Washing
ton, Ohio, was found the watch and chain
lost by man wading the river over two
years ago, all of which goes to weaken
our faith in the adage that procrastina-
| ton is the thief of time.-Erchdnge
THE business man who thinks that CO
few lines on the local side occasionally"
is all the advertising he needs, is twin
brother to the man who covered the
back door of poor-house with a colored
poster announcing an excursion to the
Paris exposition.-B Brookvilel Democrat.
WHo says editors are not temperate3
A lady with the editorial excursion was
attacked with cholera morbus, and some
whisky was wanted, and in all that
crowd of editors there was not drop.
| The TASKS were all empty, and lawyer
had to furnish the beverage.-IoaCa
| Exchange.
A LITTLE boy from New York went
into the country visiting. he had
bowl of bread and milk. He tasted it,
and then hesitated moment, when his
mother asked him if he didn't like it,
to which he replied, smacking his lips:
eyes, ma. was wishing our milkman
would keep cow"
AN M. D. who lately opened an Office
was favored by visit from his young
wife, Wishing to start an interesting
conversation, be. said: {" My dear, now
/ many peopledo you suppose pass by my
Office in the course of an hour"
should Judge they all pass by, nonchal-
antiy exclaimed the wife.
A MAN who can stand great grief
land CONCEAL it, and hug it to his bosom,
I'd go smiling about the world, can't
cooc oceal his emotion when fly lights on
& ~ nose while the barber is scraping
his throat. This is what makes it so
difficult to get correct statistics of those
who really fall from grace.-KeokuE
Consultation.
IT is surprising what a Mass. of the
names of the States are abbreviated. -
Fulton Times. When did you Conn: the
list? Or did your Pa. tell you u?--Roeh-
ester Express. This will do VAR |. we'll.
but YOU mustn't do SO any Mo- Yonkers
Gazette. These remarks are l;-timed.
Phila Bsuetia One would hardly MISS,
in an effort to Penn. pun on any OF the
States. La yourselves out, now, Ala.
long the line.-Breakfast Table.
Like 1 Vas Leedle Dog.
IBufJalo stsr,l eR