Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1878-12-21
! . n 49,
HuMoRS OF THE DAY.

on coming home complained that h
hadn't killed anything. " That
because you didn't attend to your
Legitimate business" said his wife.
Rector's daughter (to friend)
f" Ethel, dear, would you rather b.
! good and dowdy, or wicked anc
stylish p Ethel promptly: Ooh
wicked and stylish, wouldn't you?
A curious husband once asked bis
wife: "My dear, what kind of a
stone do you think they will give
me when / am gone p "Brim-
stone, john" was the afiectionate
reply.
A members Of a fashionable up
town congregation called at music
store and inquired: "Have you
the notes of a piece called the
Song of Solomon 2 adding:
I" Our pastor referred to it yester>
day morning as an exquisite gem,
and my wife would like to learn to
play it.
Fidgety and cantankerous old
lady; "Can you tell me, young man,
if this is the right train" MADAM,
you should have changed two or
three stations ago." Old lady
"Well, I'm sure [ think you might
have had the decency to tell me
that before, and not let me come
all this way for nothing
Biddy Ito old gent: "Please help
a poor woman with seven children,
ali to"-"Good-Natured Old Gent
(who knows her-"Yes, but | say,
don't you think your family in
creases rather too rapidly? Last
week it was only iye." Biddy (not
q bit abashed) -"Sure and isn't it
all the more reason why yer honor
should help me again?"
Scene-Four examiners sitting
on the body of one more unfortu.
nate at the Divinity Schools. In
accent of anything Scriptural was
lie. /" Is there no text in the whole
Bible" said one, in grim despair,
shat you can tell us p A light
'eamed in the young mans eye.
Yes" he said, with q steady gaze,
remember one: L looked up
md saw four great beasts. That
Toung man was plowed.
"You do not like to make calls"
aid an uncle to his nephew. "But
rou must make calls" he continued,
or there is always g pleasure to be
lerived-if not when you enter, at
east when you come out" A bet
er reason than this for making calls
vas once given by Boston lady,
Vho was chaffed for making so many
lists. "Never mind I" she re-
lied. II intend to keep up sufi-
lent acquaintance to have a re-
pectable number at my funeral"
A few friends all " busted" were
esterday, says the Virginia, (Nev.)
hroniclc of November %, discuss
ng the state Of their financial af-
airs, when one, who had lost but q
1000 or $4,000, said to a friend
Tho went under to the tune of /
f about $4,000: DWELL, 1 lost ;
IL l had, and neither you nor any
Their man could bust any fatter
nan that" "Beg your pardon"
lid the other, "But had sufficient /
redit to borrow money, and l am
10000 in bebt-$20, 900 worse off :
nan nothing" "Ah, I sec," said !
ne first speaker, 81 only busted T
own to dead level, but in your I
'ust' you made a hole in the /
round" =
81 hez long bin of de 'pinyun," I
egsn Panstock, as he secured the
DOR and braced his feet, "dat de
olidays of dis kentry come too
luch in lump. Frinstance, Thanks
ivia', Christmas an New Years
lie in on US in heap, almos', an
re hev chicken, goose an turkey !
II de eye grows dim and de froat
lis up. Den comes a skip of six
lonths afore de Fo'th OF July am
shered in wild de roar of cannon
n de whoop of de small boy. It's
Ike payin' a hull vars rent in ad- s
ance, instead Of scatterin' it long,
| 10 or II payments, an beatin'
g landlord out of q month now I
d den. AS far as my infooence =
oes I shall give it to consolidate d
csc cold wedder holidays into one
, be called: "Thankscbrisyear, an /.
, set it ahead to January L.