The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1878-03-14
MRS. TUBBs HAS AN ADvENrURE.

for 1t except by repT1ntIng 1t IN our col
umns.
MRS. TUBES HAS AN ADVENTURE.
Mr.. EDITOR OF HEARTH AND HOME
Your perfect gentlemanly way of putting
my letter in your paper last winter, writ
as warning to all bad boys on ice, in
clines me to send another letter which it
will be warnin' to all young women
never to commit the mistake which did
most innocent on Saturday gone a week
at big drag goods store in New York.
/ had heerd considerable about this 'ere
store, but l waTn't in no way prepared
for all | see there. Sakes 1t was equal
to dozen villages like Vandusenburg
out o. meetin' all st
once. Such crowd l never see,
and the women maulIn' of the goods
without buyin', and the clerks loOkin'
on sarcastic just like you see in any
Ornery store. Well, / went about bet
tern an hour gettin' couple o'paiT O.
good domestic hose for my son Jabez,
and seVen-e ighths of a yard of stuff for
cheese bags; and sudden, bein' uncom-
mon tired, felt weak spell commin'
on, and l hadn't hardly strength to ask
for chintz for the settiDg-room sofa.
Next story ma'am,y says the clerk,
kind @ looking sharp at me, wouldn't
you like to take elevator pr
Well, was beat 1t seemed a most
uncommon proceeding, and what never
heard no gentleman do before, to ask me
to take a elevator. I had my misgivings
what it meant, for our Jabez with his
jokes and what nOts, though his father
and me is most strong temprince folks,
persists sometimes in takin' what he calls
elevators, which is glasses O. speerits and
water, calkerlated, as he says, to raise
droopin' feelfns and failin' strength.
"Sir," says /, as lofty as | could, Il
prefer not, and to my mind you'd do
better for & respectable shop not to be
ofEerin' elevators, leastawise not to me-"
So kept walkin' round, not likin' TO ask
questions showin' my country ways, and
still feelin' that awful feelin' of goneness
which them as has weak spells is subject
to, when another clerk, hearing me ask
for chintzss, said something again about
my takin' elevator. By this time l
felt awful, and so, says l, maxim up my
mind it was a York fashion, and it warn't
best to seem too back country, Thanks
to you, SIR" says 1, 81 don't mind tryin'
something of the kind, bein' most re-
markable thirsty"
Certainly ma'am," says he, bowling
careless towards stand holdin' fancy
pail with spigot to it, full of what 1
might have took to be water, judgin' by
the taste, but know well enough it was
some deceitiul genteel kind of liquor
with the taste and smell taken out, like
they do to benzine and castor oil.
No sooner had l swallowed a goblet
of it when the young man pinted
to little room which, if you'll believe
me, Mr.. Editor, give the queerest kind
of jerk you ever see just as l looked in,
and SEEM comfortable sofas all sround
the walls of it, I stepped in. There was
other ladies goin' in too, so we all set
down, and [ couldn't help wondering
whether the poor things had been takin'
elevators like me. 1t won't do no
HARM" says to myself " to sit here a
minute or two till this weak spell passes
off, when, massy on me if / didn't feel
myself AGoIN' UPl Yes, sgoin' up f.; and
with me the room, and sofas, and ladies,
and ALL clutched hold of the cushion
and stared kind ovid like as not, for one
of the ladies bit her lip as if cOntem-
plating to laugh, and still we was all
| agoin' up, leastwise so it seemed. cts
all on account o. taking that elevator"
thinks I to myself, and then it come up
word was, meanin' a drink, though often
1 had heard Jabez's pascold him for using
! that vulgar expression. But I couldn't
help feelin' scared, particular when see,
all of student, men and women kind O.
Walkin' about in the air, Once l jumped
up to go out of the room, but man
| workin' some clockworks in the corner
! held out his hand. In one moment,
madam !" said he, Pushin' me back
with such an air
| "Did you take a elevator 2" I Whis-
pered to the lady sitting alongside ofme
| She nodded her head without saying
nothing, and from her queer look
reckoned she was worse affected even
than l was
otis the first one ever took in my
| life here in York" continues I; "oul
country elevators is more positive tC
| take, but they don't have nothing like
the effect, though l must say such thing!
never oughter to be took except in sick
ness"
e Now, madam says the clocI
man, very pompous, "you won't have
no difficulty now" Sure enough
didn't have no difficulty. For a mint
the effect of the elevator passed
off suddener than it came. l fol
lowed the ladies out lively enough, bu
sakes alivel what a time l had findin
the street door / never was so bothered
in all ny life, though knowed all along
what was the matter, but Just kept OF
without asking no questions of nobody
and finally agoin' down stairs and dow
stairs, and expectin' nothing else but t,
find myself in the kitchen, if Mr.
Stewards family lives anywhere in til,
buildin', which is most likely, Their
bein' enough room should think. Well
to make long story short, how I eve
got out Of that store don't ever expec
to know, but after I once ketched SIGH
of them glass doors I didn't turn necl
nor heel till / stood cut on the sidewall
explsinin' private to police that X
been takin' a elevator, and wouldn' b.
put me in downtown stage. To this da,
1 haven't said q word about the bust
ness to Jabez, nor husband, nor no one t.
home. Some things had best be bygones
But feel it bounden duty, Mr.. Editor
to warn all respectable females, great ant
small, not TO be led into takin' elevator
when they go into them York stores
least of ali this new-fangled kind whicl
is equally fatal in consequences to pur
sperits, and tastes like nothing on cart
but water, which leads you to taking to
much. Hoping You will print thes
honest words for the benefit of all COZ
cerned, 1 am, most respectfully yours t
command, JANE E. TUBES.
-GNew York Journal of Commerce.