The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1878-12-20
Cap and Bells.

He slipped and she slipped
| And both came down together;
| de howled an awful swore,
| AUD she talked on the weather.
A,o % 1pt t.s9 s1e thought very "unpretty" think
| author OF whoa Emma"
| Syracuse Times: The little, lonely, helpless
oyster viii soon 20 in bathing at church fssti
| walls.
Biddeford Miniature: "a little one for a
| scent" as the fellow said who thought il was
wOodchuck.
Lorne's piper, who was in Highland Costume,
Is spoken of by the New York Commercial az
having "low-necked legs.''
Boston Post: A fellow asks US il ii is really
darkest just before dawn. Dawnsd II we
know. We are not clothes line thief.
A pretty girl down East is a mind reader
She said to blshful beau the other night:
"La! believe you're going to kiss mep' She
was right.
Meriden Recorder: When Meriden matron
called her son to account because he had
pained that his girl had put head on him,
Now comes the time when the tender MUD
Designs the slippery deed.
And the faithful iair OF their pastor make
sort of a centipede.
Yonkers Gazette.
Harvard Lampoon: A fearful suggestion
Fred (to chum) m)-Igdreamt about you last night
Bob! Bob-I hope it was pleasant? Fred
o, yes! very pleasant while it lasted. L
dreamt that you paid the ten dollars you owe
me-
Peck's Suu: No attention will be paid to
evil communications, unless the owners name
is blown in the bottle. The San Is no escape
valve for bilious people to work off their bile,
and make other people have worms. If you
don't like the way this. world is run, cut your
throat, or go west.
Rockland Courier: About this time the
young lady of the conntry learns through a Sc
ries of deep, dark plottings that her young man
wears number four boots The same young
man will be sorry that he prevaricated, when
he tries to thrust his number seven feet into q
beautifully worked pair of number four Christ
mas slippers.
Peck's Sun: President Hayes has subscribed
for the st. Louis Spirit Well, all right. If
Hayes wants to make bridge Of our nose, he
will find out when he comes to run for Office
second time. that we can lie about him as well
as any of them. What was it about his steal
ing vegetables at the West Virginia Fair? All
ha! Our terms are $500 year.
The Rome Sentiael makes the following oh.
servatioDs: "The man who knows better than
the editor what the subscribers of newspaper
like to read is a tolerably clever fellow: but he
who seeks to grind his individual ak at the ex-
pense Uf the paper by bringing in something
to fill up" is, in California parlance, ga cock
eyed;pelican of perdtiou.'' and we always had
an aversion to pslicans. In fact we hate
pelican
Biddeford Miniature: Now don't you 20
about the house asking all sorts of foolish ques-
tions for the next few days, even if your eye
does happen to fall on an embryo slipper or
something of that sort. The fan of the thing
is in your taking on that look Of surprise at the
proper time. which flashes over the facs of the
freshly nominated candidate for Office when he
informed of the action of the convention.
Boston Transcript: Being recently asked BY
an elderly gentleman Of mattsr-of-fact turn of
mind what sort of girl certain young mau, a
mutual friend, was engaged to. Causeur aG-
swered that she was very highly spoken of by
those who knew her, adding that he had been
told that she and her future husband, instead
of frittering their time away in frivolous
were seeking to impro We their
minds by reading thee lassics together s'Clas-
sizes be hanged" broke in the old gentleman,
irate, 'they'd better bs hugging
each other" Which shows how little the gem
GRAFTON that is passing away knows of the de-
lights of Couture"
Boston Transcript: Some years since there
arrived at the Revere House in this city newly
welded pair from Bangor. They took the best
suite in the house, had private table, and
spared no expense. On the morning Of the
third day the groom ordered the trunks taken
down and marked "Fifth Avenue Hotel, New
York, at the same time asking the row boy to
bring up his bill He got it soon after and
started for the office. SIS this bill right?" he
asked. "Yes sir, all right" answered the
cashier, glsncing over the items land running
up the figures; yes, sir, $91.25, that's exactly
right" "Very WELL" said the groom, eff that's
your figure, here's the money. I've no fauls to
fnd, but you'd better mark those trunks for
Bangor.
Magazine Notices.
Mr. John G. Whittier opens the Christma.