The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1878-06-01
For the Democratic Advocate.
FIIxr Rock En-. Nar p. 1s7s.

Dear 4dcocate We are truIyrejoiced, yea,
exceeding glad, to hear from our old friend,
Col. "Thwackem, of Lap Stone Hollow,
again, for until we had the extreme pleasure
of reading his recent literary productions in
the Sentinel we bad mourned him as dead.
The subject that has aroused him from his
''Rlp" -up-li-can slumDer is sugar cured ham
and red-eye-water. Thwackem was not his
proper name; the boys who went TO school
with him say that It was an alias which he
then received, and since has manfully held
on to, or it has held on to him-Thwackem,
or Ihwack, for short-it was given TO him On
account of the frequency with which the Old
Knight OF the Birch Rod came down on his,
not his head, the could make no impression
there
Thwack o. whack,
Crack or smack,
For supposed OF real misdemeanors. Thwack
was good fellow, though in his way, after
all; at school his chief trouble was that he
could not write composition without getting
the cart before the horse; we, therefore, were
not surprised when we read his recent CON-
munication to find that he was true to his old
instinct, and now that he is entirely out of
reach of old Birch Rod, gave full play to his
wonderful talent. he said that Barry o Blus-
ter and Patrick McThumper were "Dimokrat
Pollytishnners, when everybody who lives
IN the Hollow knows that they are wool
dyed Republicans, and though headed By
Ihwack they may attempt to steal the livery
OF st. Patrick to cover their dark transac.
tons, yet the hide though dark and the steal
stupendous is all open to the popular vision.
The people know to whom the plain hams
belong, not cured with sugar and served with
red-eye water Our celtic friends do not re-
eognize the O Busters, MeThumpers, O'Hit-
Ter shfz.f r. 8
their clan, but they point with pride to the
Montgomerys, Shields, 0'Donnelis, 0'Con-
nersy McLanes, &c, as the pure metal, with
out Pinchbeck Alloy. Mr.. Woolfnagle is an
esteemed and worthy citizen, good Repub-
lcan, ne says that he was not present at the
Thwack- McThump meeting, as he would scorn
TO sail under false eOlors, and that if his name
IS used IN that connection again somebody
will get thwacked and thumped in earnest
Col. Ihwackem is a very modest gentle
man, but according to his own statement
makes free use of McThumpers eye water.
Ii has been suggested that he does this not to
brighten his vision, but to keep It continually
HAY, with the hope that he may accidently
stumble and fall into one of the flesh pots
containing sugar cured hams. To keep in
tins ecstatlc state, he is careful whenever h,
uses the red eye water never 70 carry it higher
than the Aperture below the nose Il was
on an occasion of this kind that he gave a
friend brief account of his trip across the
dark blue sea-" Thwack spoke as follows
''By stress of weather and injury to our craft
the voyage was prolonged, the provisions had
gwen out, the last piece of junk and hard tack
had been consumed, gaunt hunger stared us
IN the face, no land in sight, no hope of i'm
mediate relief. A council was called, they
met, sad indeed, but could devise no means
OF relief; as a dernier resort the cook was
summoned to make suggestions. He was
smart and understood his business, and said,
Col. Thwackem, did you not say that you
came from Flap Stone Hollow?'' Yes, sir,
said /. Then said the cook, dear Col have
you lap stone among your effects? Ii pos.
sesses peculiar oleaginous properties, espe-
cially II 1t has been long in use; and / can
prepare an excellent soup that will sustain
the whole crew, your valuable life included,
until We can bespeak a ship or reach port
Then il was that | arose to the true dignity
of manhood; it was the proudest period of
my life, and l said, gentlemen, / have
relic, one brought all the way from 'tLap
Stone Hollow" in dear old Carroll county,
but in the name Of suffering humanity,
(handing it to to the cook take it and serve
us all. Amen"
What beautiful analogy Thwackem who
saved the crew on the dark blue sea- has
again come to the front and devised a planto
save the sinking crew of the ship of state with
red-eye water and sugar cured HANS
n. Is. Col. Bannon expects to visit Eu-
rope in July, but distinctly says that he does
not need any eye water, his vision is all right,
but you may put on board plain ''Montgom-
ery," not sugar cured HANS.