West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-04-13

TF N"'O "os ieb rs brave
as on 1.-The day when that Widd.r
NiHe shot at and missed him three
times for wsntin TO show her hew 10
levy on bed.
Billy filled his pipe and puff,d
aud pulled the terbacker sRoke hiyh
and dry above his head, loekin the
very picter Of a big Judge.
Ddvy the scribe got his pencil and
paper to mark down the pint,. All
beln now ready 10 perceed the
Squire and Constable wa. list sworn
10 tell the trooth, when the ball
on. ened at enct. and in less than A
M INIT the air was dreadful full Of
muslc. It's the publick opinion
OF every body that sich excitin time
was never seen 10 Auroarry since
the day when Old Mister Josh.
Gineral Washington or some OF them
big isllers made the Sun stand still.
or Christopher Columbus discovered
Aneuky. The dogs barksd, the
children cried. the wimmin screamed,
tue owls booted, the pigs squeslsd,
the cattle beloved, the sheen blea-
ted, the cats squalled, the wicked
cussed, and the righteous prayed.
1t was a powerful sxcitin time as
never was bstere since the days of
Noah food. Ii was wuss nor forty
waller jackets meats turned inside
out at a camp meetiD, or seventy
five dog fights in town. The
Squire stsmmered aud the Constable
foamed. They jist tried which could
say the most nasty things about the
other They jist called each other
liars and all sorts Of nasty names.
Nancy heerd that the Constable
said as how the Squire was a rascal,
cheat, VILLAIN and skunk.
Nancy thinks he jist meant some
kind OF nasty pole cat. They list
told all they knowed about each
others tricks. Nancy thinks they
knowed powerful sight. The
Squire and Constable both belong
to meetin and are coed publicans,
and as they were both sworn TO tell
the trooth and nothin but the trooth.
the people jist believe all they said
about each other any how. When
the Constable called the Squire a
skunk, the people all list shut their
eyes, and held breath with all their
might, but the Gauge OF alarm and
leer was OWN to the fact that honest
Billy's terbscker smoke, and the
Squire and Constable nasty talk cot
mixed and the air jist got little
kind OF rantsnkerous is that Art
Gallery, and the people didn't list
know perzactly what was goin TO
happen nohow.
Tue Constable list declares that
the Squire has cheated him out OF
every honest cent he ever made.
Nancy says that the Constable still
has come things left, and if the
Squire cheated him out of every
honest cent, she can't jst think how
he come ey what he's got left.
Nancy is mighty good in fggers
but she cant work that problem
nohow, Some time the Squire
swere one way and the Constable
jet Ewsre tother way, both bein
sworn to tell the trooth. After
powerful sight Of qusrrelin, and
fussih and may be little cussin to
boot, the evidence was all hserd On
one side and then on tother, and the
case was handed over to them
honest arbitraders to decide.
They tried powerful hard
to git another honest fellow to
help them make The divide, but they
couldn'nt find any sich as would
help. For ten hays them honest
fellows have been tryin to agree on
a verdlck, but cant. Billy wants.
the Squire to git the biggest pile
and Davy wants to devide it in the
middle accordin to law. The publick
ls powerful anxious to see if their
honest srbi TRADERS will give all the
pile to the Squire, and the consts-
bic git nothin but the honor. Nancy
thinks if they de that, everybody
will jist want to he Squire and no.
body will want to be constable eny
more.
Nancy is dreadful troubled ab3u,
the fuss. She Gays there wasn't any
blood split yit, but the effect is DOW.
erlul bad on the risin gineration.
what hesrd the troo history Of the
ME and times Of them fellsrs what's
been promoted to Office OF honor.
trust and profit She ssysif the right.
Gus are hardly saved; how will it 90
with the squire and constable.
Nancy thinks that the Dustin Of
that big egg had a powerful bad
effect on the people. Nearly every
body ia sick and suferin pains.
Nancy Gays she rally thinks it wa a
big alligator or crockettdlle egg, for
% had sch a dreadful strong flavor.
When IT busted the air got pisensd
for many miles, and we list expect
nothIn BIT a power Of sickness this
summer The doctor is rdin day
and night Nancy thinks thu pso-
pie bad jet all better eat plenty Of
InRins, drink little assafgity tea
onct a aay, and use plenty Of good
terbacker. Its rally q powerful dis
trSssln time. Nancy hesrd that
even the chickens iist drap dead
three miles from Auroarry. Nancy
is dreadful depressed.
Mister Editor, one or two weeks
ago Mistsr Fjslus Hldem, ESQUIRE.
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