Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1878-06-06
Taking Things COOlly.
From Chambers Journal.l

Chattanooga With deneral Garneiu,
they heard some one shout: Hello,
mister! Youl / want to speak to
your General Thomas, turning.
found that he was the mister" so po-
litely hailed by an East Tennesseean
soldier.
~Well, my man," said he, what do
you want with me?"
Il want to get a furlough, mister;
that's what want" was the reply.
"why do you want a furlough, my
man?" inquired the general.
"well, I want to go home and see
my WIFE"
"How long is it since you saw her ?"
Ever since / enlisted; nigh on to
three months"
"Three monthsp exclaimed the
commander. rWhy. my good fellow,
1 have not seen my wife for three
years."
The Tennesseean looked incredu-
lous, and drawled out, "Wall, you
see. me and my wife ain't that Sort
The Postmaster General OF the
United States once received an odd
official communication; the Racborn
Postmaster, new to his duties, writes
to his superior officer: Seeing by
the regulations that I am required to
scnd you letter Of advice, I must
plead In excuse that I have been
postmaster but a short time; but /
will say, IL your Office pays no better
than mine 1 advise you to give it up. y
To this day that Postmaster General
has not decided whether his subordi-
nate was an ignoramus or was quiet
ly poking fun at him.
Spite Of the old axiom about SELF
praise, many are Of tbs opinion that
the world is apt to take a man at his
own valuation, II that be true, there
is a church dignitary in embryo
somewhere In the young deacon
whose examining bishop felt it requi-
site to send for the clergyman recon-
mending him for ordination, in order
to tell him to keep that young man
in check; adding, by way OF explana-
ton: "I had the greatest difficulty
sir, to prevent him examining meP
This not to be abashed candidate fol
clerical honors promises to be as
worthy Of the cloth as the American
minister who treated his village con.
gregation to ono OF Mr.. Beecher's
sermons, unaware that the popular
Brooklyn preacher made one OF hii
hearers. Accosting him after service
Mr.. Beecher said: "That was fail
DISCOURSE; how long did it take 20,
to write it?"
"Oh, 1 tossed it off one evening,
was the reply.
"Indeed" said Mr.. Beecher. "Well
IL took me much longer than that tC
think out the framework OF that ser
mon."
"Are you Henry Ward Beecher?
asked the sermon-stealer.
"I am" said that gentleman.
"Well, then," said the other, not IL
the least disconnected, call have I,
say is that amt ashamed to preacl
one OF your sermons anywhere"
"John Phoenix" the American hu
morist, being one night at theatel
fancied he saw a friend some thre
seats In front of him. Turning to hi
next neighbor he said: Would yo'
be kind enough to touch that gentle
man with your stick?" Certainly,
was the reply and the thing wa
done; but when tho individual thu
assaulted turned around, Phoenix say
he was not the man he took him FOL
and was at once absorbed In the play
leaving his friend with the stick t
settle matters with the gentleman il
front, which, as he had no excus
handy, was not done without consid
cradle trouble. When the hubbu
was oyer, the victim said: "Didn
you tell me to tap that man with m
stick?" YES" "And what did 20
want?" "Oh," said Phoenix. with i'm
perturbable gravity, Il wanted t
see whether you would tap him G
not"
"Jack Holmes" man-about- towl
, living no one knew how. was ono
under cross examination by certai
sergeant at-law, who knew his ma
too well. "Now, sir" said the learne
gentleman, tell the jury how 20
liver
"Well," said Holmes, a chop Of
steak, and on Sunday perhaps littl
bit OF FISH; / am a very plain livin
man."
/, "You know what / mean, sir
thundered the questioner. "Wht
do you do for a living?"
"The same as you, sergeant" sal
|. the witness, tapping his forehea
suggestively; and when that fails,
do"-going through the pantomim
Of writing across his hand-"a littl
1 bit OF stuff-the same as you again
MY Lord, ] shall not ask this oil
tuse witness any more questions
said the angry counsel.
Brother" said Baron Martin, 6
think you had better not"
4 Here Is a hint for our old frien
' the clown In the pantomime: At II
burning OF a provision store. I'll
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