The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-12-12
PASSING SMILES.

q
quarter of dollar until tomorrow.
JOSH BILLINGS says: "The world all
praize the philosophers, but toss their
pennies into the caps of monkeys"
RHEUMATIsM is frequently the result
OF an overdose of moisture; in other
words, to be caught out in pouring rain
often insures roaring pain.
A PASSIONATE man should be re-
garded with the same caution as a
loaded blunderbuss, which may acci-
dentally 60 off and do us an injury.
To enjoy life you should be a little
miserable occasionally. Trouble, like
cayenne, is not very agreeable in itself,
but it gives great zest to other things.
ONE of Joe Cooks lectures is concern
ing "The Souls Laughter at ITSELF"
This is when the soul stoops in the twi-
light to pick up quarter and finds that
it is a gun-wad.
AUNT PRUDENCE, in the Pulaski
Democrat, says: There is MT particle
of satisfaction in telling a man he is
liar; for if he is he knows it, and if he
isn't who does the lying7
OVERHEARD on ferryboat: every
thing has gone wrong with A. T. Stew
dI y dudlIs SluCc LIS u6dGu. IL Tic O1O
man had been alive the ST. Marks
church-yard outrage never would have
occurred"
1 cLAsPED her tiny hand in mine; 1
vowed to shield her from the wind, and
from the worlds cold storms. She set
her beauteous eye on me, and, with her
little lips, said she, can umbrella will
do as well'
A SCOTCH pafson said recently some
what sarcastically of topper that he put
an enemy into his mouth to steal away
his brains, but that the enemy, after
thorough and protracted search, re-
turned without any.
THERE was period of over one thou
sand years in the history of the world
when doors had no keyholes, and a citi-
zen could be seen feeling all over the
door without exciting the least suspi-
cion against his social standing.
IT seems absurd to be so careful about
what we put into our mouths, and to
leave chance to arrange what comes out
of them; to be 30 particular as to the
order of what we eat, and to have no
order at all in what we talk about.
The following is copy of an adver-
tisement in New Jersey journal: "To
be sold, one hundred and thirty suits in
law, the property of an eminent lawyer
about to retire from business. Note.
The clients are rich and obstinate"
SPEAKING of dull times, a wicked
Mobile man says that few weeks ago
stranger arrived there and bought a
bale of cotton, and pleasant rumor was
at once started that the cotton-buyer
had arrived, but it only proved to be
St. Louis man with the ear-ache.
THE young man had been giving his
views about every thing to every body
for an unendurable half hour, when the
old man said, with nice courtesy, "I
beg your pardon, sir, but if you begin
teaching every body at eighteen, when
do you intend to begin learning any
thingW
PROFESSIONAL pomposity is we'll
taken off in the following anecdote: +:
Doctor Cooking learned, and speaking
slowly)-Well, mariner, which tooth do
you want extracted? Is it a molar or
incisor? Jack (short and sharp)-It is
in the upper tier, on the larboard side.
Bear hand, you swab, for it is nipping
my jaws like a lobster.
SUSAN KING, of Harlem, New York,
recently saw in a country paper the fol
lowing advertisement: "How to get rich
A rare secret-Send twenty-five cents
to George Fullerton. Box 413. Portland,
Maine." Prompted by curiosity, she
forwarded the money, and received the
following reply: Work like the devil,
and never spend cent?
A BARBER in Paris raised the price Of
shaving when the Exposition opened
On the day of closing, a permanent
patron expressed the hope thst he
would again fall to ante-Exp 'sition
charges. az should like to-" said the
barber, "but since the distribution OF
prizes there are so many long faces that
i really c-n not afford to do so"
A STRANGER in Montreal, being i'm
portuned by hackman, took carriage
and bade the driver haste to police
station, where he had business. The
fare entered the building and remained
so long that the cabman followed hin
to make inquiries. He was pleased tt
discover that his charterer bad Just
obtained nights lodging as vagrani
r REV. JOSEPH Cook thus explains VIII!
| a boy climbs a tree to steal apples
"The apples are the objective natura
motive, the boys appetite is the subject
i've natural motive, his intention is hi
moral motive" And to think that fo
hundreds and thousands of years boy
have gone on stealing apples and getting
spanked for it just because they didn'
. know this,
AT one of the stations in Partisan oil
l lady is taking nap as the ticket ofic
is opened. A traveller seeing her asieel
5 approaches. Madame, the train i
, about to leave" "Oh, that is all tn
| same to me-" "Whyf" az am not 60
ing. come here every evening afte
3 my dinner to see the faces people max
t who miss the train" Amusement is
3 matter of taste.
THERE is wealthy brewer in Mon
: treal who built church and inscribe'
on it: "This Church Was Erected b
Thomas Molson at His Sole Expense
Hebrews, Xxx chapter" Some of tn
McGil college wags got a ladder on
S night and altered the inscription so q
r to make it read: This Church Wa
Erected By Thomas Malson at His Soul
Expense. He brews (double) Xxx"
| e N,,olo4r,ts Az