West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-09-21
Food a Dry Goods.
Binshampton Republican


\ dry goods clerk who was staving
after ordering his dinner at a Washing
ton-strect restaurant the other day. was
requested by the waiter to take charge
for a minute while he stepped around
the corner. Before the waiter returned,
a big, hungry looking customer entered.
lntrenched himself behind the first
table, glared at the bill of fare, held up-
side down, and savagely demanded what
there was to eat. The clerk saws that
this was an emergency that must be
met, and, pinnIng on napkin, ap-
preached and ran over the card after
the manner of the counter:
/ shall be pleased" said he. to
show you very stylish line. We have
a neat article in the tomato soups--we
are opening a new invoice of white fish
we can put up superior quantity of
veal, or lamb with mint sauce-and
here, o, here is lemon pie that is ali
the rage, and
CAN the" put in the customer
catching his breath. See here. Young
man. | hail from Gorwick, and cant
stand so much gilt-edge. You needn't
put up any veal or open any fish around
me. If you have anything fit for a
square meal trot it out, and if Won
haven't I'll"
What he would have done will never
be known, for at this iuncture the
waiter himself came i'm oppurtunelv
and the clerk dropped the napkin and
retired in short order tn enlov his own
dinner, ordering an extra cup Of coffee
to tranquilize his nerves.
WHEN you think Won have got off An
original Joke it is discourageing to have
some editor send You a marked copy Of
ms paper OF several months before, call
ing attention to the same squib ~ origi-
nal with him. That is what Chrys;aI. of
( the HackensaCk ReUUbEcuu, did To us
the other day. "a man with n cast i'm
MS eye stage manager" i'm our issue
TWO weeks ago, he LAYS claim 10 as his
own invention, and sends his issue of
March il, 1878, 20 prove il. Now what
does that show? Why, il simply shows
that Chrystal knew, in some way. that
we hal got that joke i'm our head but
didn't intend TO print il until along i'm
August, and then he meanly anticipated
us by printing il i'm March and claiming
10 as his own! He is sly one, that
Chrystal is. We shall, hereafter. to
avoid such unpleasantness. publish our
Jokes ~ soon a. we think of them. If we
nave TO get out supplement every
Cincinnati Saturday NiqhL
s CrWuo- case Of suicide is mentioned
IN London paper cat belonging 10
the Vicar Of WOOtton had given birth
to four kittens. As she did not seem
strong enough to sucklc 30 many. il was
Judged best 20 drown them. After this
she mOped and went about in despond
ing manner. On q sudden she dashed
across the lawn, and plunged into
the ornamental pond iu front Of the
house. She wa quickly rescued
end little brandy given her. As she
then seemed r. little better. she was LET
loose. Later In the afternoon. however.
she espied an opportunity to get out Of
the house, ran again 90 the pond and
piunRing in, was drowned
IHE muscular power of small animals
rs particularly observable In the teredo
or ship-wOrm, which attacks the bottoms
OF ships in multitudes, and with such
force a. has produced The necessity Of
coppcrng vessels, now so generally
practiced This insect is only six inches
in length, but the muscle with which
its head Is armed enables 10 easily TO
penetrate into the strongest oak plank.
Zach worm, in laborng confines Itself
20 its own shell, which is only divided
from that of its neighbor by partition
not thicker than % piece 81 writing
paper