The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1878-04-02
Josh Billings TO the Girls.

Dear girls, are you in search of a
husband!
That i. bumper, and you are not
requested to say Yes out loud but are
expected to throw your eyes down onto
t he earth, as though you were looking
for pin, and reply to the interrogatory
with kind of drawling sigh.
Not to press so tender theme until
it becomes thorn in the flesh, we will
presume, to avoid argument. that you
are on the lookout for something in the
male line. Let me give you some small
chunks of advice how to spot your fu-
ture husband:
I. The man who is jealous of every
little attention which you get from
some other fellow, you will find after
you are married to him he loves him
self better than he does you, and what
you took for solicitude, you will dis
cover has changed TO Indifference.
Jealousy isn't heart desease, it is a
liver complaint.
2. 4 mustache is not Indispensable;
it is only little more hair, and is much
like moss and other excrescences-
often does the best on soil that won't
raise anything else Don't forget that
those things which you admire in a
fellow before marriage you will proba-
bly, dislike in husband after, and q
mustache will get to be a very weak
diet after long time.
3. If husbands could be taken on
trta Ia tu,A ID Sc -.
would probably be returned; but there
don't seem Ito be any law for this.
Therefore, girls. you will see that after
you get man, you will have to keep
him even If you lose on him
4. Don't marry man who is ALWAYS
telling how his mother does things. 1t
Is too hard TO wean young one.
D. If man can beat you playing
on the piano; and can't hear a fish horn
playing on the street without turning
summersault on account of the music
that is in him, / say to leave him. he
might answer to tend baby, and if you
set him hoeing in the garden. you will
find you have to do it yourself. A man
whose whole heft lies in music. and
than a seldlitz powder; but if he loves
to listen while you sing gentle ballad,
you will find HIM mellow and not soft
But> don't marry any body for just one
virtue, any quicker than you would
flop a man for just one fault.
u. 1t Is one of the toughest things
for female to be an old maid success
nj A hau FRI nl
made bad job of it and had hard
time. Every body seems to look back
upon old maids just as they do upon
dried herbs III the gar.et-handy for
sickness-aud therefore. girls, it amt a
mistake that you should be willing to
swap yourself off with truc-hesrted fell
low for q husband. The swap is a
good one. but don't swap for any man
who is respectable just because his
father is. You had better be an old
maid four thousand years and then
join the Shakers. than to buy repent
ance at this price. No woman ever
made this trade who didn't get either
u fool, a mean cuss. or u clown for a
husband.
7. In digging down into this sub.
ject find the digging goes hard the
farther get. 1t is much easier to in
form you who not to take, for the rea-
son there are more of them.
| don't think you will follow my ad
vice if | give it; and l keep it, for l
look upon advices as do on castor oil
a mean dose to give and mean dose
to take. But l must say one thing,
girls. or spoil. If you can find u
bright-eyed. well-ballasted boy, who
looks upon poverty as saucy as child
does upon wealth-who would rather
sit down on the curbstone in front of
the Fifth Avenue Hotel, and eat ham
sandwich. than to 60 inside and run in
debt for his dinner and toothpick.-an
who is man with sort of pluck that
mistakes defeat for victory. my ad-
vice is to take him body and soul
snare him at once, for be is stray
trout. breed very scarce in our waters.
Take him.'l say. and build onto him as
hornets build on tree.