The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-03-29
The AfIIng Man.

Il 100 60NA . RADoo1as
on my way home from Aurora.
He got on at Bristol and took diu-
ner at the Cosmopolitan" He sat
with me at dinner, and didn't seem
to have much appetite. He groan-
ed when he took up the bill of fare,
and sighed as he looked across the
table at my order, and then shook
his head dolefully and told the
waiter to bring him little boiled
trout, with egg sauce; a bit Of
boiled mutton, with caper sauce,
some roast beef, g trifle rare, just
taste OF roast lamb, turkey with
cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes,
roast duck, some pork and beans
Boston style, stewed tomatoes, corn,
turnips. SO uasn, peas, bit of cold
tongue, some sharp relishes, and 8
cup of coffee. Then he ordered
some assorted cake, cranberry pie,
fudian pudding and ice cream for
dessert, and said he felt 8 darned
sight more like dying than eating.
If be dies as we'll as he eats, just
imsgi0e, just think, what glorious,
triumphant death that mau will die
Shortly after dinner the poor
man came into the coach, and sat
down opposite me-
'Ah,' he said, with a deep groan,
4 don't know what would give II
1 could eat like YOU
Sir said, in fine burst of in
digna:ion, for feared he was going
TO accuse me of swallowing my
knife every time L took q bite of
pie, and I just made up my mind
that l would cut him short off If he
limited at such a thing.
ooh, it's a fact, he replied. i
haven't enjoyed q meal for years.
WAS 1t possible ? 1 asked in
smazement.
Indeed, yes,' he said, 'Pm all out
of fix. I've got no liver at all, to
speak of
didn't suppose that one liver
would be of any account to him. I
rather thought if he could get
couple of gangs of livers, and work
them by reliefs, they might be able
to help him along, especially if he
had them made of tin. But then he
was stranger to me, so 1 didn't
feel justified in making the sugges-
ton.
Ma he continued, my liver is of
no more account titan a lump of
lead. 1 SUPPOSE he said plaintiYe-
ly, It's as big as four of yours
And he looked at me with an ap-
pealing glance, as though he expect
ed me TO take my liver out and let
him examine it, as though it were
an oriode watch he wanted TO trade
for.
Now, if there is anything in this
beautiful world that will make me
mad, it is TO have a man who is all
ing sit down and bore me with a
list of his diseases and a detailed
description of his anatomical
arrangements. Aud the men OF
free America, it seems to me, would
rather talk about their perishing
livers than their never-dying souls
and it always makes me mad for q
man to come at me and burden me
with complaints about the torpidity
of his liver, as though were his
physician. l am proud to confess
to the blindest, densest ignorance
concerning my own inner life. l
don't know whether my liver is
round or shaped like a gun case, and
I don't know where it is, and /
don't care a continental, although 1
always had the impression that it
was just under the shoulder blades.
So l said to the man, with very
great enthusiasm
oh, do tell me all about your liv-
erl should so like to know all
about it. sm so interested about
such things
The man looked little surprised
at my sudden enthusiasm, but he
said there wasn't much to tell about
it. It was as torpid, he said, as q
snake in December.
ooh, charming, charmingP I ex-
claimed. 'And is it tame? Do you
let 1t run around loose or do you
have to keep it chained up2'
The stranger started, and looked
as though he would like to sit lit
tie further away. He said he didn't
exactly understand me.
And how is your spleen ? /
asked eagerly, and your ventricies !?
And do tell me about your thoracic
duct, and how do you get aiong
with your tonsils +? And have you
raised any new bones since / last
saw you; and when did you hear
from your diaphragm Do tell me
all about your viscera make a elm
ic of yourself, and tell me the Christ
ian names of your bones and the sp-
purtenances thereuntO sppertaining.
Tell me-
But be got up and slowly backed
out of the Car, and the conductor
slowly afterWard told me that the
man with 9 liver told him that the
man who escaped from the asylum
at Jacksonville last week was in the
rear coach.