River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1878-12-19
Miscellaneous Items.

A mans food is bolted when his wife
locks the cupboard door against him.
If anybody would only detect some
thing Tor the detectives !--Neac York Her.
aid.
She never told her love but that black
bottle in the cupboard spoke volumes
N. Z. Erpress.
II man answers you with grunt,
put him down as lower order of animal
accidentlY mounted on is nd-legs.
A man was Boosting that ne had an
chimed in his wife, land keeps ii in the
cupboard in bottlen
Il A Grand Rapids man was holding a
woman on his knee when his wife entered
lis Office, and now he hasn't got any home
to 60 TO when the lodge is out.
How even that lawn looks, my dear, .
said she TO her husband as they were taxi
| ing suburban stroll. "Even!" he ex-
claimed, Il am disposed to think it's
sod
Madam" said a certain one to Mrs.
Brown, the other day "you arc talking
| simply rubbish "Yes, SIR replied the
ever-crushing lady, because | wish you
to comprehend me-"
Parson (sternly): How coull you
come TO church to be married to man
in such state as that9" Bride weep
ingl: at was not my fault, sir | never
cau get him TO come when he's sober2"
x fasiiiouubiy -circsoed woman esatorea
a drug store the other day, and informed
the clerk that her husband had over
loaded mis- stomach, and that she desired
to get an epidemic to relieve him.
MeetiDg commercial traveller who
was pretty full Of old Robinson county,
Grubbins remarked to his wife, Tight
as drum, amt he2" Worse than tb at"
she replied, he's tight as a drummer
A woman in Vermont was offered
new dress if 81 c would walk twice around
| a grave yard at midnight, and the way
she walked in and won it made her hus-
bands hair stand up straighter than if he
had seen q dozen spooks.
The latest sentimental ag1ny ia soIg
is tender ballad beginning:
. Who viii come above me signing,
When the grass grows over me?'
We cannot say positive, who; but if
the cemetery fence is in its usual repair,
it will probably be the COW.
why does lightnlng so rarely strike
twice IN the same place." Professor
Workman asked the new boy in the class
in natural philosophy, Hun" said the
boy, lit Dever needs to-" And it is a lit
tie sir gular that nobody had thought OF
that reason before - Burltagton HnmkeVe.
care grapes healthy 2? asks an exchange
As fruit, opinions differ. George Wash
ington, Christopher Columbus, Noah,
Napoleon the first, and Mary, Queen of
Scots, ate grapes, and they are all dead
now. Draw your own cOnclusion.-Nor-
rtstoWp Herald.
When man leaves our side and goes
to the other side, he is traitor, and we
always feel that there was a subtle some
thing wrong about him. But when a
man leaves the other side and comes over
to Us, then he is q man Of great moral
courage, and we always feel that he had
sterling stuff in him.
Mademoiselle x meeting one Of
her old boarding-school friends who has
Just been married "Well," says she, "are
you happy2 Do you get along well to-
gether9" "Happy, yes; without doubt, but
we squabble great deal" ALREADY
and about whatln Paul pretends always
that it is be who cares the most for me,
md I'm very sure that it's / p
He had broken his promise to marry
the girl, and her father waited a money
consideration 70 help heal a wounded
heart. The young man sand he would
consider reasonable proposition. well,
them said the iratc father. who was
seeking justice for his daughter, young
man, how does a dollar and jalf strike
youf"
It was ON the train, and he was trying
to read. There was crowd in the cars,
aud among others a lady with a very
sprightly little girl that had blue eyes,
head of glisteBing gold, and an inquis-
tive tongue. She piled him with ques-
lions and toyed with his watch chain
The mother, who was widow, fairly
bsamed Ii IN him. lie, nervously. to the
mother: "What do call your little dsrl-
ing?' Widow Qsmiling); Ethel" He:
"Cal her then" Indignation. Reading
resumed.
On one Of the hottest days last summer
"the star boarder" brought home small
paper bag full of sand for his landlady's
canary. He playfully rested il on her
shoulder while ne was telling Der where
he got it. Presently she uttered a
scream.
"What are you putting down my back I"
she cried.
He had put nothing down her back,
but there was break in the bag, and a
thin stream of sand was trickling down
her spine. She "had TO change every
rag, she told the woman next door,
while the perspiration had mingled with
the sand and formed delicate coat of
concrete over her back. He boards in
another place.