The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-10-03
STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.

Major General Sham, who presides, with
much dignity over the destinies of one side of q
paper called the Cincinnati Post, is greatly
worried at sight of our flag and cannon. This
is not, perhaps, the first time the valiant Con-
federate has soiled his linen at sight of Yankee
flags and cannon.
The Burlington Hawkeye is never cramped
for resources. 1t publishes patent medicine
advertisement, and slaps in picture of the
late John Morrissey the next day after his fight
with Heenan, as portrait of the author of the
cure-all.
Gen. Sham of the Cincinnati Post, is very
strict with his compositor. He has perfect
mastery over the whole force in the composing
room. He tells him what to do, and pels
him to do it.
Ohio has Congressional candidate by the
name of LeFevre. A very sickly name, anG by
this time next week he viii probably have
Ben, laid out.
''There, there" !" said Aunt Sary, throwing
down the paper and running for the bottle OF
carbolic acid, 'we must begin to fumergate the
whole place at once ~
sWhy, Aunty, what's the matter p" asked
little Jane.
matter enuf, child, with the yaller fever all
about us. Why there, I've just read it, the
fever has broke out in Cypruss, an body
don't know what's to come next. We can't be
too keerful !''
president Hayes puts us in mind dot of thief
He takes things as they come."-[Burhngton
Hawkeye.
That's Just what old man Tilden says.
The two great volcanoes, Vesuvius and Coto-
paxi are in state of eruption. 1t is the most
violent eruption known for years, except the
eruption of howls from Tom Ewing.
SiWing Bull wants to leave the British Pos
sessions, and return to the United States. Just
keep your seat, Mr.. Bull.
When Democratic speaker goes into figures
to show the extravaganza of the Republican
party, then the gods just steal away and weep
"What we need is more greenbacks, to coun-
teract the effect the Internal policy of contrac-
ton !" said the young reform statesman.
eWelI," answered the gold bug, suppose the
Government should issue a thousand millions
more greenbacks-how would you or get any
of them?''
"Why-a-er-the-tha is, there isn't enough,
you see, there isn't enough to conduct the busi-
ness of the country. Good morning, sir good
morningl"
s.Uncle Pete" said little Jim, ''can you tell
me why Jim Emmitt, as a candidate, am like
de tail of a mule"
sNo, sonny, let's hear it," said the old man,
eyeing him proudly.
I" cause he may IrlSk rOunu ever 50 LluSH,
but he's sure to fall behind at last!"
esl think yer right, boy, think yer right"
The Chinese question: "Can Mclean man
pay washee bill to-mollow?"
Brown went to see his girl the other evening,
taking with him breath which was very sug-
gestive of liquid corn. The conversation turned
upon church music.
"Oh, Mr.. Brown said the young lady, "do
icx faxyn tah
81 kin tell you !' shouted the young lady's |
little brother, smiling suspciously.
.'What is it 3? sonny asked Brown, with a
twinkle in his eyes.
"This is the way long have sot," shouted
the boy, as he rushed out of the room.
"I wouldn't resort to the means employed by
some men-using whisky for electioneering,
said a virtuous Democrat, the other day, but as
he suddenly looked toward his coat pocket,
and beheld the neck of bottle protruding
therefrom, he suddenly began to discuss the
currency and labor questions.
Bob Too1nbs says that "the Jackasses in
Georgia will elect Alex. Stephens to Congress
as long as he lives, and after his death will
elect his administrator" And Bob wouldn't
mind administering on Alexis estate.
Cohen, the shorny-isted laborer'' came to
grief in Washington City last week. A couple
of the saints who have been following him
about, broke into his contribution box and
took his loose change. So it seems that Cohen's
teaching hasn't been in vain, after all.
When the girl who starts the fire by pouring
coal oil upon it, marries the man who allows
the locomotive to approach within five feet of
him before he steps off the track, then indeed
will the world dance at the wedding.
"Other hearts must grieve as WE'LL" said the
G he chair
which he had lust sat down.