davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-11
WIT AND HUMOR,

RECOGNIZED rank - clearinghouse
butter.
A sco1DNG wife will make shrew'd
man.
CENTS of duty-Those paid at the
Custom House.
EVE never looked through Adams
overcoat pockets for letters from other
women.
WHAT overwhelming bliss to receive
a shower OF compliments from reign
ing belle!
WHAT is the difference between a bare
figure and an ancieni song? One is a
nudity, and the other an old ditty.
OLD WHAoKEM, the schoolmaster, who
was packing up some popcorn last sea-
son, on being asked what he was about,
said he was " boxing his own ears"
"DID you ever dabble in stocks ?''
asked lawyer of a witness who was
known to have fed from his native land
to this asylum of the free. "Well. yes,
got my foot in 'em once, in the old
country, was the reply.
PRoFEssoR-" Can you multiply to-
gether concrete numbers ?" The class
are uncertain. Professor" What will
be the product Of five apples multiplied
by six potatoes?" Freshman (tri-
umphantly)-"Ha HASH"
The great journalists are rapidly
dropping off-Raymond, Bennett, Gree
ley, and now Bryant. And our physi-
clan has advised us to take exercise
NorrdstoaOaa Herald. That must be
saving to you, for exercise is free, and
the other stuff is 10 cents glass.
COLLEGE Professor Ito Junior who
has been taking advantage of his absent
mindedness): "Young man, lind, on
looking over the records. that this makes
the fifth time in two years that you have
been granted leave of absence to attend
your grandmother's funeral. -Harper's
B0z0r.
BOY stood back on the gallery floor
AT the naughty female show,
And cast his earnest chances DER
Bad-headed sin below.
"Im too far back, :" he sadly said
Yet he dared not forward go,
For he saw his aged fathers head
First in the foremost row.
Philadelphia Mirror.
A HERoU1EAN Yankee, from the lum-
Der districts OF Maine, on paying his bill
in a LONDON restaurant, was informed
that the amount paid didn't include the
waiter. WAL he roared, "what eff it
don't? ] didn't eat any waiter, did Z e.
And he glared at the attendants so fero-
ciously that they precipitately left him
to go his way in peace.
He was an entire stranger to the girls
present, and the boys were mean and
would not introduce him. He finally
plucked up courage, and, stepping up
to young lady, requested the pleasure
of her company for the next dance. She
looked at him in surprise, and informed
him that she had not the pleasure of his
acquaintance. WELL" remarked Caz-
enovia, "you don't take any more
chances than I do"
"OoH, Jamie, did ye niver hear Nv
my great speech afore the Hibernian
Society,"" emo, Pat, how should I,
for sure was not on the ground
"Well, Jamie, you see was called upon
by the Hibernian Society for a speech;
and, be jabers, rose with the inthusi-
astic cheers of thousands, with my heart
Overlooking with gratitude, and my
eyes filed with tears, and divil word
did spake p
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-11
Origin Of the English National Debt.

From the moment that the public at
large began to pay the taxes, and not
the land, the extravaganza of Govern
ment expenditures grew amazingly, and
q national debt was commenced. When
the people paid, and the aristocracy and
their sons and kinsfolk received through
Government Offices in the army or
navy, from that moment the history of
our bourdless profusion commences.
Before this great transfer of taxation
from the lands to customs, excise, and
other popular burdens, it must be borne
in mind that there was no debt. So
long as the land had to pay the taxes
the aristocracy were not willing to incur
a national debt; the momert they had
made their transfer, and could, living on
their exempted lands, revel in the sweets
OF taxation, debt was commenced.
Charles, we shall find, borrowed
100000 OF the merchants of London,
and soon informed them that he never
could repay it; it must remain debt in
the nation, the interest being alone OBJ
tainable. The debt first commenced
has now grown, as the direct conse-
quence of this grand fiscal revolution, to
upward of s8OO,OOO,OO Macaulay
has well said that this was not the first
age of borrowing, but the first of fund
ing.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-11
KISSING.

There's a jolly Saxon proverb
That is pretty much like this:
That man is half in heaven
When he has woman's kiss.
But there's danger in delaying,
And the sweetness may forsake it
so tell you, bashful lover,
II you want kiss, why take it,
Never let another fellow
Steal march on you in this:
Never let laughing maiden
see you spelling for kiss.
Ihere's royal way of kissing,
And the jolly ones who make il
nave motto that is winning:
II you want a kiss, why take it.
Any fool may face a cannon
Anybody wear crown
But man must win woman
Ii he'd have her for his own.
Would you have golden apple.
You must find a tree and shake it.
Ii thing is worth the having.
And you want kiss, why take it.
Who would burn upon a desert
With forest growing by?
VINO would give his sunny summer
For black and wintry sky?
Oh F.! | tell you there is magic.
And you cannot, cannot break it:
For the sweetest part of loving
LIS 10 want a kiss and-take it
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-11

and Jessie lay extended beneath the riv-
en- tree, hand in hand, to all appearance
locked in sleep-the sleep that knows no
waking.
Till death did them part! Was this
to be their parting, on the threshold OF
their ives9
Peal after peal Of thunder ratified over
head, the lightning flashed around them,
the rain poured down in torrents, and
there they lay unconscious of the ele-
mental war-asleep!
Merciful Heaven, have pity on them!"
1t was the rector who spoke, as he and
some others of the party came suddenly
upon the senseless forms beneath the
tree.
Was the prayer heard? We dare not
speculate on subjects such as this. Who
can tell?
The bodies were borne to a cottage
close by; the light clasp of the fingers
was Embossed at length. Jessie. the
bunch of roses contrasting so with her
pallid face, was laid upon bed; Frank
was in the next room, insensible still.
A stifed sigh first proclaimed to Mag
gle Denne that her heartfelt prayer had
been answered, and Jessie sat upright.
Turning to her kind attendant, she said,
family:
maggie, dearest p
Maggie, full Of JOY, fastened to the
bed. There was Jessie Hamblyn, in
deed; but it was the Jessie of old. Her
eyes were wide open and full of life
cit is true, Maggie, darling; it is
true, and l can see you again-I can,
can Look, here are my roses, there
you stand. Oh, thank Heaven, I can
see the sky once more p
She fell back exhausted, then, rising
again, cried:
Is it true about Frank? love him,
he loves me; the lightning struck us
yes, but gave me sight for him. Thank
God Where is Frank ?" she inquired,
after pause.
elm the next room," said Maggie, as
she wiped away her happy tears. "Oh,
Jessie, how thankful we all are! We
feared the worst for both p
At this moment the rector entered
softly.
"Oh, come in, papa, come in; darling
Jessie can see us all again. Is it not
wonderful? I am so thankfully
eft is indeed wonderful" replied Mr..
Denne. "And now," he said, after he
had affectionately congratulated Jessie,
81 have more good news; Frank has re-
covered, and has asked for Jessie. May
he come in?"
81 will go to him." she said, rising
from the bed. And before they could stop
her she had hurried away to the next
room where, lying upon sofa, was poor
Frank Carson. She fastened towards
him. ooh, Frank" she cried, "dearest
Frank, I am so glad" Then, blushing
rosy red, she whispered. "Till death do
us part. God has given me my eyesight
once again, to nurse and tend you all my
life. Dear, dear Frank p
He said no word till, rising up. he
knelt beside the sofa, and Jessie's thanks
giving and his went up TO heaven to-
gether.
But little remains to be told. The low
ers were united before many months had
passed. Algernon and Maggie soon
followed the good example set them by
Jessie and her lover. On the former
wedding-day the only gift presented to
the lovely bride by her devoted husband,
Frank, was bunch of roses.-CasseWs
Magazine.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-11

The Indebtedness of the four princi-
pal missionary organizations of this
country are as follows American Bap-
pist Missionary Union, 1876. 600; Presby-
terrain Board Of Foreign Missions, $780,
600; Reformed Foreign Missions, $28,-
900; Methodist Missionary Society,
$4,000. The other denominations are
probably not far behind proportionately,
especially in the item of foreign work.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-11
EN- ROUTE.
tPANToUM.)
by j. BRANDER MATTHEW'S.

TThe pantoun ia meter borrowed by the mode
French romantic poets from Malayan prosody.
cnpsist Us of series of four-ne stanZas, the secOl
and 70 urth line of each stanza reappearlng as T.
6rst nd third lines Of the next stanza.I
Here we are riding the rail,
Gliding from out of the station;
Man though am, l am pale,
Certain of heat and vexation.
Gliding from out Of the station,
Out from the city we thrust;
Certain Of heat and veXation,
Sure to be covered by dust.
Out from the city we thrust;
Rafting we run DER the bridges;
Sure to be covered with dust,
Stung by a thousand OF midges.
Rafting we run DER the bridges,
Rushing we dash DER the plain;
Stung by a thousand of midges,
Certain precursors OF rain.
Rushing we dash DER the plain.
Watching the clouds darkly lowering
Certain precursors of rain;
Fields about here need showering.
Watching the clouds darkly lowering
Track here is high on bank
Fields about here need showering,
Boy with the books needs spank.
Track here is high on a bank,
Just by wretched old howell;
Boy with the books needs spank
"No, I don't want new novel;"
Just by a wretched old howell,
Small speck of dust in my eye.
"No, don't want new novel!'-
Babies beginning to cry.
Small speck of dust in my eye,
6 I will not buy papers or candy"
Babies beginning to cry
Oh, for tomahawk handy!
81 will not buy papers or candy!"
Train boys deserve to be slain;
Oh, for a tomahawk handy!
Oh, for the cool of the rain
Train boys deserve to be slain,
Heat and the dust-they are choking,
Oh, for the cool of the rain
"Gent" just behind me is joking.
Heat and the dust they are choking,
Clogging and filling my pores,
'FGent" just behind me is joking,
''Gent" just in front of me shores.
Clogging and filing my pores,
Ears are on edge at the rattle;
''Gent" just in front of me shores,
Sounds like the noise of battle.
Ears are on edge at the rattle,
Man though am I am pale,
Sounds like the noise of battle,
Here we are riding the rail.
~-Sc1$b1'eT for JWty
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-11

WHEN Life " IS slower and surer there
were fewer suicides.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-11


she was aware of.
And had it come to this after all
Jessie seized his hand. ooh. do not
tell me that Frank, dear Frank. say
you can see me Have you never seen
me, never at all q E'f@s r.
She waited breathless for his answer,
It fell almost like agblow.
"Never %
And this was the end of her dream Of
love She had been so very happy to
think that one mansat least had been so
kind and sympathetic; that one man
had seen her vacant eyes and SCARED
face, and had loved her for herself
alone, not for her beauty and her
wealth. But now the charm. was
snapped-the golden bowl was broken !
She bent her head. A great warm
drop fell upon her hand, now clasped
In his once more. She started as she
felt it. he was suffering, too. She
drew herself up, beautiful smile upon
her face, then bending toward him she
pressed q kiss, the first kiss of her spnre
lips, upon his forehead. 80
For better, for worse, till death do
us part, dear Frank, I am yours, If YOU
will take me so |" tsalaA 5s5 iii 4|ks'Ef
"tTill death do us part ,'she repeat
ed, solemnly, and he in turn was stoop.
ing to his love when
A hot and brilliant flash of light rent
the cloud overhead, rattling peal of
thunder followed it to earth, and Frank
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25

grain Of sand whlrling In the eddies Of
the stream, or q planet pursuing It's path
In the heaYens, each moves strictly In
obedience to law, and II We knew the
laws that control the phenomena OF the
river, we can guide, curb and coAtrol 1t
with as much certainty rs we can bridge
1t. or tunnel 1t, or as we can steer steam.
er through tracklcss sea. map out the
hidden paths of other worlds and weigh
them rs in a balance, or charge the light.
nings Of heaven with the busy thoughts
| OF men. Through the aid of intelligent
assistants and OF public>spirited citizens,
have sunk bridge piers through ninety
feet of sand In its bed, TO the solid rock,
more than 100 feet below the level OF its
| floods; have improved its harbors and
channels, and converted an unused outs
let at its mouth, where there was, two
years and halt ago, but eight feet OF
water, into channel with twenty feet IN
1t, through which The products of fifteen
states may find their way TO the ocean.
do not speak OF these things to boast OF
them, because others are entitled to
much the largest share of the credit
which flows from them. refer to them
TO impress you and the public with that
degree of confidence In the practicablity
OF this thing, without which there is no
hope OF lis being attempted by the gov
ernment. know 1t is practicable. and
will stake all OF fame or fortune possess,
or hope to possess, on lis entire practical
bility. There is not q stretch OF the RVS
er from st. Louis TO New Orleans. fifty
miles long, in which have not stood on
some part OF the river bottom, bcueath
the shelter OF the diving.bell. | have
known the river intimately for nearly
forty years. | have made lifetime
study OF il, and know what am talk
ing about.
In conclusion, permit me to return my
thanks for your courteous attention.
The theme is worthy OF the sublimest
eloquence and the profoundest states
manship, and It is rs comprehensive and
eXhaustIcsS as the volume Of
THE MIGHTY STREAM ITSELF.
Some OF its waters, before they left the
highlands OF the north, trembled in the
balance, in their choice between an ocean
of eternal ice, or a sea of perpetual sun.
shine. Yet they mingle tremendously
goui prosperous WY WIN liit VI
butes of the Alleghanys and the Apala-
chan chain, and with crystal waters that
were born amid the jewcled valleys of
the Rocky mountains. These diverse
and distant sources, and this happy
blending into one OF streams that traverse
the vast empire of the Mississippi valley,
are typical of the multitorm interests
which unite in one common demand for
the Improvement of its channel and the
reclamation of its rich alluvial basin. 1t
Is only necessary tor the people who oc-
cupy this grand heritage to give an ems
phatic expression to the wish to have
this WORK done, and their command will
be as potent as the father OF waters when
he gathers his floods about him and
moves on with resistless majesty to the
sea.
At the close of Captain Ead's address,
Of which the above is only synopsis,
there was an outburst of applause from
all parts OF the theater.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25

PREJUDICE often rules in the physc-
al treatment Of babies. They are allow
ed to suffer and scream with pain from
collie, flatulence, bowel disorders, ETC.,
when some simple, reliable and safe REM
edy as DR.. Bulls baby syrup, would
give almost immediate relief and perfect
ease to the little sufferer.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25

BALTIMORE, Md have used DR.
Bull's cough syrup personally and in my
family for or three years, and am
prepared to say that there is nothing to
compare to it as remedy for coughs,
colds, etc. James Corrie, Dentist.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25
SWORN EVIDENCE,
The following Cure Is probably the most
remarkable ever effected by any r,edI-
cal preparation for the treatment OF
Catarrh:

Gentlemen, hereby certify that have had Ca.
Seon m bsTs aqd fo the last six years have
deaf Ind buzzng In the head, pains across the tenn
plei dlzzy srells. weak and painful eyes, swollen
and liberated tonslls hard and constant cough.
eevoIe pam across the chest and every indication
OF consumption; My head ached all the time. The
mater matter accumulated so rapidly in my head and
At nvht wS9d b not Keep et them free Frequently
me, at the point Identification. would then have
tS he nsns % reeve every power to dsodgo
able 70 sleep again. For period OF six years nv
tonsils were liberated and so much iniianied that
could win difficulty swallow. finally consulted an
Snihent surgeon IN regard to an operation ON them
ouI ot US request postponed 1t. The constant In.
t nhanaton and liberation in my throat caused by
hadso irritated and inlamed my lungs that cough.
ca Gu necessarily. deep, hard cough. Meanwhile
mysystem began toshowthe effects OF this disease,
symptom early Seah Sy asa snGSed WSsy
matters nad reached thisstage. or aboutsx months
SsE oSgsn ahe Sss OF sHSr9aps RADICAL CuRI
70 improve rapidly Tho first dose seemed to clear
my neaa as lhad not known 1t to be for years. IL
stopped ny cough n ree Gags By ' asInys Il
Earglel soon reduced the inflammation and swell.
gofny tonsis, 80 thathey soon ceased to trouble
The bnzzlng noises In my head ceased, my enses OF
seeing and OF hearing were completely restored,
to tbc vSrSn ~ OF disease that had reduced nc
oIsANyoRDs RADICAL curb FoR CArARRn.
nave Oeen thus explicit because, a. druggist
lhave seen great deal OF suffering from Catarrh'
remedy. - e''Ns
am familiar with the treatment Of Catarrh AZ
pttaetlsed by the best physicians, and have consult
gu lne most eminent about my case. have used
every Kind OF remedy and apparatus that have ap
peaed during period of ak years past, and have,
while following their use, taken great care OF M
mont from any ofthem.
BOSTON, Feb. y 1875. GEO. T. DINsMoRE.
SrPFoLK,ss. ych oo ,e-y
niLhen personally appeared the said George r,
mnsh,ote, nhd made oath that the foregoing state.
Heht Dy MN subscribed II true. Before me-
SETH j. THOMAS, Justice Of the Pence.
,n hSGM package contains Pr. sanforda Improved
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25

SrPFoLK,ss. vcb ~ ,e-y
ni linen personally appeared the said George r.
ment by him subscribed IL true, BEFORE me-
SETH j, THOMAS, Justice Of the Ponce.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25

Pure Imported Bay Rum. acknowledgements Tar
SOAP English and American Soaps Fine Inn
ported Handkerchief Extracts i'm Origi-
mai Bottles I'm Broken Glunnti-
ties as wanted mt low prices.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25

,n Each package contains Dr.. sanforda Improved
lnnnlihE lnDc, with full directions for use IN ali
Tynses; Itlcc, $lM For sale by all Wholesale and
ii s,il Druggsts throughout tho United states.
WEfks POTTER General Agents and Whole.
salo Druggists, Boston, Mass,
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25
EADS AT MEMPHIS.

The Engineer OF the South Pass
Jetties Receives Cordial
Southern Welcome.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25
ANNOUNCEMENTS.
yop CLERK SUPREME COURT, s. G. D.

FOX CLkKh sUFHH =, ,y,r
we are authorized to announce IL, a. ~, Mat
BANKS, OF Washington County, sen,bern Grand
i pivIsian u inois Subject to the decision OF the
Democratic nominating commiUee' " s ps HN
Al Centralia May 10th, 1873
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1878-04-25
FOR CLERK OF THE APPELLATE COUNT
FOURTH DIsTICT, ILLINOIS.

We are authorized TO announce HAk i1.
CASE Of Carlyle, Clinton county, as eanu ,1-,
IIltnais subject 10 the decision OF the Democratic
convention called to meet at Centraiia, May lOlh'
1878.
We arc authorized 10 announce w. G. Le-
CRORE, of EfIinghsm County, AS u candidate
FOR clerk of the Appellate Court, fourth district,
illinois, subject to the decision OF the Demo
cratic convention called 10 meet ut Ce tIalia'
NAV 18th, 1878. Ell 10
The New York herald., 1878-08-18
THE COURTS.

Lilly Houghton, from Minnesota, the mother OF
Perclva Houghton infant aged I'VE years, is seek
ing to regain the custody OF child from It's grand
mother, Mrs. Louisa Cleveland Houghton writ Of
habeas corpus Issued tho application Of Mr..
Alfred Steckler. The matter came up yesterday be-
tore Judge Van Brunt, in Supreme Court, Chambers.
The grandmother. through her COUNSEL Mr. Walker,
made return the that she was not IN posses-
sion OF tho child This return Mr. Secker traverssd,
and Judge Van Brunt ordered an examination oil the
discovered that OF the child let Monday
last, with the child, the steamer Joseph Crosby,
for Nassau n. Z. Tho further examination was xd-
journed until tomorrow morning.
The Bank OF 81. Thomas loaned money TO put IN re-
pair the brigsntnc julia Blake, taxing security
bottomry bond from the captain, covering tho ship,
tackle &c, ana o cargo OF rosewood. The enforce
msnt OF tho bond resisted tho ground that me
captain without authority TO bond the cargo.
case holds that a decree favor OF the libellants
the ship and freight and 10 avor OF the cargo
against tho libellants ust be entered.
In Marine Court Chambers, yesterday motion
Was made to dismiss the action and vacate the order
OF arrest In tho OF Frederick Jackson against
Louis Freedman. Ex Judge Hart and M Ira Lee
Bamberger, on behalf Of the defendant, urged the
motion on the ground that the papers which were
served On the defendant and which alleged his name
to DO Louis Freedman werc not correct, his real name
being Lewis Friedman. Mr.. Alfred Steckle ler, VINO up
psared for the paintih contended That as the pro.
nu ncin ton the samo II made no difference, and
In support his arg cited various authorities
After hearing arg ument Juoge Stnnott took tne
papers and reserved his decision.
The New York herald., 1878-08-18
SERIOUS JOKING.

George Mannion, tonsoriai artist Of West Seventy
eighth street, the Boulevard, married his wife
Margaret six years ago Thcy lived happily until
about Two years since, when Mrs Maunion's father
died. leaving all his property TO biswdow. This action
distressed Mannion, but whom the widow few weeks
ogo took another husband no became nigh frantic
Nerry every day since has soothed bis nerves by
continually beating his wIie and ttio ones Last
Thursday when tbc mothcr-in-law called, sne found
hcr daughter lying In bed aId bor husband making
Efforts TO stranglc her Msnniou dssisted when inc
visitor entered, saying, at was only Joke" HIS
vile told her mother u was "uo joke" and Judge
Kasmre rather inclined 10 her opinion yesterday,
when he committed Mannion In default Of 5000 ball.
The New York herald., 1878-08-18
BURIED TO DEATH.

Lavinia, daughter OF Mr.. Rushmore Hicks, OF West
ville town OF Hampstead, Long Island, vas lighting
nro with kerosene on Friday evening, when tho
exploded and the unfortunate gel was Immediately
envcioped 10 1smes Sho rushed to the street. ana
the names tanned by The bre burned more nercely
than ever. shooting nigh into The air. Before her
friends could subdue them she was so badly burned
tnu the physicians could nothing TO save her and
she died tue same evening. Miss Hicks was bul nf-
teen years ol age