The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-02-09
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


According to Noah dove was the first coo-ricr.
-H0d1d p. J. Yes, it carried the hral green
back, YOU rcmember.-Noris'o'cnH G"t"
indianapolis has vagrant six feet, ten inches
high. This is the highest point ever reached ny
yagrancy in this country.
Miss Bertha Won IIillcm wears low hecls.-Er.
II Won were to see her walking You wouldn't say
she wears slow hcels.-Eh.
Bertha called on President Hayes last week.
She said she had not come to Washington for an
Office but TO take walk. The President said he
didn't expect to walk until 1881.
Charles Francis Adams mourns the loss Of hi,
Bowlcs and refuses to be comfortcd "Hc was
my best and only nominator,' he cNclams be-
tween his sObs.
It would be interesting to know why 80 much
money was spent improving the Hell Gate Of
New York harbor, if there is no uncomfortable
hereafter
4 Ncwburg goat the othcrday dcyourcd an en-
tire novel at one sitting. That's what you might
call a regular swallOw-talc gOat.-N. J. toi"wff-
ciH IdCcriiS,r.
Washington Post; "Mr Joseph Mcdill, of the
Chicago Tribune, remarks, ''Iow about hell as
SUMMER It>blJ' ~ NlIlNi w az '''''''''' ~
respond: Anything to beat Chicago"
August is the month for bccr.-Phiia. Loi9r.
I, that so? Thought it was Frcc-brcwcry!-
r Grdphr. No, child. Our Dutch contributor
says it is Sup-dem-bc cr.-NdH.
4 tramp says the worst month for free beer is
when the barkccpcr says March"
The following obituary notice of distinguish
ed citizen is from Cincinnati paper: "Peter
Ink, an old citizen of Knox county, Ohio, was
blotted out the other day, aged 10"
The paragraphists have discovered the best
methods of heating street car: Garry wo-
man block farther than she wants TO go 1t
will be hot enough"
Il don't believe there is such place. he said
before he left We don't believe he does, or else
he would have paid his printers bill before jump
ing the town.
4 feature Of the he'll discussion was the jump
ing up Of an Irishman in a church at Ludlow,
Va, the other night, to loudly protest against
the clcrgymans description Of hell.
The Li,inq Issue asks in great mental agony
Can our girls marry drunkardsyn Why, yes, Of
course they can, If the drunkards don't object
IT,
COnkng may come, and Gordon may go, and
both go on forever, kissing; but as for Us, Thco-
Gorc can't come in, and don't you forget it.
Mrs. TRfoa
Among other things, did YOU resolve TO build
the fires this year? Or did you swear Oii?-DdH-
bury Nors The probabilities are that he ewore
at them.
If there /, no HE'LL the question naturally arises
IN the American mind what then Is to become OF
the dcfaulung bank cashiers ana sWlHdlnG III
surancc company presidents ?-Er
Most Of them are driven to Canada. Isn't that
enough?
The following remarkable entry appears on the
registry list of Stanslaus county, Cal. John
Z. Crawford voting number 1893; register num-
her, sos; age, %; country of nativity England;
occupation, hog thief"
George Francis Train who is now trying the
experiment of living ON three peanuts day,
says:
I'm fifteen wears my hair will be rs black ~ Il
ravens: in forty years will have new set OF
teeth, and in 100 years shall begin making
new race Of men.
deserted wife of Kuttawa, Ky, complains t'
the editor Of the Grccn,ille Echo Of the woman
who allurcd the husband into unfaithlulncss
whom She accuses of saying that 'all She want
{, pint Of whisky to steal any man with.'
The deacon of Washington church, while re-
Gently counting over the collection money foun,
an old and faded piece of paper, which proved t.
be his own nearly outlawcd note for $50, whi'l
thc holder unable to collect, had turned into tn
treasury Of the Lord.
The butterhcad woman is now making life
size bust of Lady Godva. Mrs. Godiva's onl
wardrobe, according 10 the pictures We haN
seen, was her long hair, and Mrs. Brooks ahoulC
have no difficulty in procuring butter Of that dc'
crlptiou.
In London, years ago. q prize OF so was nurr
"a for the best original Joke, and Horne TOOK
u-EocriSto,rn HcraH. Didn't Theodore Hoo
u?-Oa CITY Derrick. No, no; II was claimed d
lamb and one Moore, and that was Strange.
Now let the bucolic editor nerve himsc
against the spring inundaton:
Another sixty days or so,
And where the snow bird prank.
\ dozen sons Of Italy
VIII Kerosene their crauk,.
And stirring up the innards
OF that hurdy- gurdy thing,
Insult the air OF heaven
With the lie Of Gentle Spring
Ili- not always safe TO place too much COM
dencc in a red ribbon. The trampS have got
gearing Il, and ono Of them being asked the oil
cr day whether he had taken the Murphy plcdG
replied: "Not exactly; only wear this in IL
hone that some one will ask me to take drin
under the impression that I'll refuse
There is nothing like presence OF mind The
f. uo true greatness or real success IN II
without IT, His wife caught him with his arm
around the hired girls neck, but his presence
mind never forsook him. Il suspected some o
Of stealing the whisky on the preserve, Jan
FOR some time, and of course you know j
breath would have told II -hc was the glu
party
Kcrual scrogg, knows, and he -ay~ Cant
I'r.O is ~ coin a an iciclc Camilla wa, rcccl
ly in Champaign, and the Kernel prohal
Knows. He don't like women with cold feet q
f-igd back bones, which accounts for the rca-