The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-06-20
WIT AND HuMOR.

CARvERs of their own fortunes
Butchers.
MAToHIEss misery-Having a cigar
and nothing to light it with.
The Koran forbids pork. Why. Them
call its followers Mo'ham- edans
A SHOEMAKER advertises medicinal
boots. The virtue is in the heal.
MATE RIAL FAcT.-The Hindoow widow
is the only one that cremates. The
others remate.
IT is easy to preach, but when it comes
to practicing what you preach-ah
there's the rub.
IT'S no wonder, as critic recently re-
marks, that "The Raven" savors of an
cient Greece. It's Poe-made.
The strongest of pleas for passing a
bill in Parliament for marriage with a
deceased wife's sister-Only one mother
in-law.
A HOPEFUL minister says that he has
no doubt that the time will come when
the members of church will behave
just as well as other folks.
A PHILOSOPHER says rich people, as a
rule, do not have large funerals. They
are the exclusive property of poor peo-
pie who want to be thought rich.
A CHUNK of wisdom from Josh Bill
ings-Don't despise your poor rela-
tons. They might get rich sometime,
and then it would be so hard to explain
things.
"MR. JONES, you said you were con-
nected with the fine arts. Do you mean
that you are sculptor?" "No, sir; I
don't sculp myself, but I furnish the
stone to the man what does.''
A BEAUTIFUL widow of Newport, r. l.,
having let her chalet for the season, was
asked what induced her to desert such
charming retreat. "Too much balcony
and too little Romeo" was her reply.
A WOMAN dreamed that her husband
would come home drunk as billed owl,
and woke up at o'clock in the morning
to find it true. To prevent dreaming,
go to bed without pper.-BreGkJast
Table.
AT 20, woman reaches for the trail
ing arbutus. At Is she is after horse
radish. At 80 she digs roots for her
blood. Such is gentle spring in the
various stages of feminine lifo.-Da,-
bury NeaOs.
WHILE growing at her husband last
summer, New York woman was struck
by lightning and instantly killed. IF
you wish your wife to see this particular
paragraph, cut it out and paste on the
looking-glass.
SPRING poetry-Her cheeks were very
ruddy, and the streets were awful mud
dy, and she loudly shrieked, go thun-
der p and her feet few out from under.
It was really very shocking, for she
showed her striped stocking.
Post.
DENTIST, to old lady about purchasing
some false teeth: "For mastication,
my dear madam, they can only be sur
passed by nature herself" Old lady
"Oh, laws, doctor I don't care noth-
ing about mastication if I can only chaw
with EN-"
captain, we are entirely out of am
munition," said an orderly sergeant to
his commander on a field day. "Whatl
entirely out of ammunition 2" exclaimed
the Captain. eyes, entirely out" was
the reply. "Then cease firing" per-
emptorily said the Captain.
PAUoA Robinson latter a long
whist-bout at the club" It's awfully
late, Brown. What will you say to your
wife?" Brown Gin Whisper" Oh. I
shan't say much, you know; Good
morning, dear, or something O. that sort.
She'll say the rest !'-Pmsch.
AN aged man said: "If husbands only
had any sense they'd never have any
trouble with disobedient wives. never
did, an I have been married nigh onto
fifty years" "What is your secret 2"
asked friend. "Why, always tell nv
wife to do just as she pleases, an she
never fails to do it,
"YEs, SIR" he remarked. such
things do happen occasionally. but it is
seldom very rare. Then everybody
laughed but the speaker. And Jones
was moTed to observe that he was re-
minded of the steak at his "hashery,"
which was often overdone, and 4" seldom
very rare" Then nobody laughed
Chicago Tribune.
AN exchange says that "doing bust
ness without advertising is like winking
at pretty girl with green goggles on
But the re is some little difficulty about
this statement. In the first place, aman
who doesn't advertise doesn't do any
business to speak of, and pretty girls are
not in the habit of wearing green Cog
giles. breakfast Table.
A GOOD old farmer found himself one
day with his hired boy at the farther
end of the row, when the dinner-horn
sounded. Anxious to make every step
count, he commenced to hoe his way
back, saying to the boy as he did so,
{" Thomas, do you ever think about dy-
ing9" EYES," said Tom, ST think
shall die pretty soon, if I don't have
some dinner"