The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-04-30

1ucIc. IlOW Ceu pdseuSS NC ~ S@sesSSs
"a to :eave Eli Perkins stories around the
house.
The judgments against Tweed, with
accrued interest, amounted to a grand
total Of over 81 OOO, 900 the largest amount
Of judgments ever rendered against one
man.
That amt patchin' to the judgment on
the other shore.
We read great deal about the nse Of
the lemon. How good il is in fever, how
healthy to eat one m the morning. how
one will cure corn, ETC., but none can
realize the wisdom Of the Almighty in
building the lemon, until the barkeeper
gently squeczes into your Bourbon.
An article is going around the press,
telling "Why a girl cant throw stone"
Lemme See He that is without san may
no, that amt it. All, We know. A girl
can't throw a stone because she er-ah--er
because she's fraid to bust her suspen-
ders.
Florida girls are going to p,cnics in
thin gaiters and Aeecy dresses.
Amt you satisfied. Do you want 'em TO
wear cavalry boot and ulsiers?
Clara Morris has paid 5000 for the
exclusive right TO Conscience"
And it wont take her long 10 get the
whole stock extant together.
DR.. Mary Walker is dying of pneu-
monia, in Washington.
You can't fool us Just tickle the bot
tom Of Mary's feet. and you'll think both
ends Of hurricane struck you. Dying,
indeed. When Mary does die this world
will shake from circumference to centre.
Nearly all our good citizens will regret
that that promising young man. David
Day, Of Saline county, is dead. The Gov
eminent is taking measures TO recover his
remains.
P.S.-IIis remains need covering.
Man proposes, but her father dis
poses.
And divorce suit exposes. Nuf ced.
-'Mamma" said young hopeful, Who
against his will was made rock the cradle
OF his baby brother, ''if the Lord has any
more babies to give away don't you take
em."-Young Lddy's Serap-book.
History fails to record what answer she
made.
A German farmer disputed his tax
bill He said: 81 pays the state tax, the
county tax, and the sehool tax; but, BY
tam; paws No total, and never had any"
-Bosoa 7rareler.
Dunn if that amt good. stranger. The
only man whoever made frank confession
! and swears he never had total. What's
man without total? We would rather
be a dog and bay the moon than such
Roman.
The fool .eeketh to pluck a fly from
mules hind leg; the vie man IettetL the
Job out 10 the lowest bid1er.-Wes jersey
Press.
But the sapient hoodlum buys . cents
worth Of dynamite, steals the oyster can,
bitches il to the mules hind foot, an
The boy oh where was he -
Why he is sitting upon Jones' shed and
wondering what became Of that mo"l.
Two young men, twins, OF Hart
County, Ga, worked out their fathers
debts, in compliance with his death-bed
request.
Tn 1t reminds ms oftw1 twins, which is
a coincidence by IN accidence. The old
man wasn't on his death bed. But in CON-
pliance TO their own will they put him
there, and left the old man to lay down
kick il out or pay their debts.
The following scandalous paragraph,
or one conveying the same idea, IL going
the rounds Of the press. Of course the
young ladies will not read it-please
don't.
',ou plnoqs ksq,
lqA s.- o, uAor sp!sin ssaq.I.L an, uIni
liza ksq, si4o!u = ,sq liza sA ,sA Puv
Why.y-y, Tennie! The Basoo is ashamed
of yourrelf. Please don't insert . para.
graph. II it has been set" ups,de down,
it is easier to stand the young lady on her
head, to read it, than to turn . whole
newspaper and half State upside down to
figure il out. he careful. Gro slow. Tie
mp your shoes. Take sumthin.
Funny. ain't il, how infectious some
things are? The day after thOse 100000
weavers sevolted in England five printers
struck for higher wages in the Boonville
Adrediscr cfice.-X. Losis Journal.
They would have been locked out" but
the internal sand bank and Joe Stephens
bridge wouldn't let the barn doors swing to
20 the psdlock could be Inserted in the
"stee-e-e-ple".
Nothing sill surprise q married man
40 much ~ to SO home and zee his wife
limping around the room With
her little toe bandaeed, saying that she
don't zee why he should keep such dread
ful sharp edge % his rasor.-Yoss9 Ladys
Scrip. Book.
That's so-that's 70. But il he happened
to have got home about IN hour earlier. he
would have found all the doon locked,
the rocking chair tilted back At an angle
Of a00, looking slas on the carpet and
oh, ."who's that at the door,"