Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-08-08
HunlOr,

with buzz saw.
Some men growl because the mile
stones are so far apart.
Fast men, ike fast rivers. are apt to
be very shallow.
Isn'tit odd that the sons of toll have
on them tons of soil?
People can lie just as easy about the
silver dollar as if the mercury stood at
zero.
There Il no good substitute fur wis
dunn, but silence IL the best that haz
been discovered yet.-Jo8h Billings.
A tack points heavenward when it
means the most mischief. 1t has
many human imitators.- Cincinnati
Breakfast Table.
A Kentucky girl with $4,000 pinned
to her corset, is coming east, Just ahead
of an enraged father. 'Rah for the
girl.
Its d poor rule that won't work both
ways" Is supposed to have originated
with the school boy who took the rule
away from his teacher and knocked
him down with it.
The position of baggage-smasher, at
this season of the year, is one of solemn
responsibility, involuntary profanity
and unlimited perspiration.
Marriages are not plentiful enough.
The young ladies ought to get up a
strike for their alters. The strike for
the fires can come IN afterWard, when
the question ofbuilding them comes up.
- l,
worn by most all ladies. There's no
''give" to them, and that's the reason
you occasionally hear a button fly off
when lady grabs for her skirt. Now
they will be called canvass back ducks
more than ever.
We were not one of the newspaper
men who were swindled with the new
counterfeit five thousand dollar bill.
We compared it with others in our
pocket, and refused to take it. We i'm
agine that we had sense enough to have
kept our mouth shut about it even if
we had been fooled.
'Where did this baby come from ?''
asked Il fve-year old girl of the nurse,
who was washing the squealing little
stranger. Why from Heaven, OF
course" replied the nurse. "Well, if ii
screamed like that, [ don't wonder they
sent it off, was the stunning reioinder
90 want, and will have, wife without
a falling" was the remark of young
man who had three seasons experience
of life. His sister, with only q country
girls philosophy, remarked: "Then
you'll never marry, because, should you
find such woman, she'll be sure tC
want a husband of the same charac
ter"
Doctor" said lady, L" L want you
to prescribe for me-" "There is moth
ing the matter, madam" said the doc
tor, after feeling her pulse; "you only
need rest" CHOW, doctor, just look al
my tongue" she persisted. Just look
at it-look at it! Now say what does
that need :" | think that needs rest
too," replied the doctor.
A young gentleman of Prairie Grove
Texas, proposed to his lady love, but
was gently refused. He went q second
and a third time with the same result
But at length he rode over one evening
and told her he would neither eat sleep
nor speak unil she consented to be
come his bride. She invited him in to
dinner; he shook his head. She talked
on; he merely looked rejected. Then
she requested him to take supper;
q negative shake of the head
was the only reply. She played,
sang and chatted on till bedtime, when
a servant showed him q room; q mega
tive shake. She tripped away to he1
chamber: he sat determined still. About
twelve o'clock she came back and said
"I don't wish to cause the death of q
GOOD officer, so | will marry YOU" The
released one rose, and with much
earnestness said. " My dear, have you
any cold victualS on hand?"
I'd like to be an Esquimaux
And live on cakes OF ice.
I'd mix up cocktails all the day
SO naughty, but so nice.
Boston Post
Old Gid Tucker is nice ole man:
He always rides whenever he can.
Climb up behind he always will
Whatever is the shape of the vehikill-
Get out of the way, old Gid Tucker,
You're to old to hang to the crupper!
The boy stood squarely on the base
Already two were out
The grin that lightened up his face
Shone round about his snout.
The boy he raised the ash alogt
And call for one hip-nigh,
The pitcher put it in red-hot,
1t hit him in the eye.
Again the gallant youth stood up
Determined he would score;
The next one hit him in the stomach
lie playeth ball no more.
Relatives and friends are invited tC
attend without further notice.-BOStOr
Post.
The Letter s.H."