The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-10-17

AS RUE women care llGtle IOr comedy
because it makes them enter into them
selves. Give them the drama which
draws them out of themselves.
"THIs world is all feeting show"
and a man never realizes it more fully
than when he drops thirty three dollar
set of false teeth into deep and dark
sewer.-Breakfast Table. zq
waiting maid of lady, whose husband
heart; i was dressed in black silk, the
flowers were lovely, and mistress wept
Just like born angel"
AT festival of lawyers and editors,
lawyer gave a toast: The editor-he
always obeys the calls of the devil" An
editor responded: /" The editor and the
lawyer-the devil is satisfied with the
copy of the fsrmer, but requires the
original of the latter" -e.-...z
"THIs tunnel is one mile long, and
the train will be four minutes passing
through it, shouted lying brakeman
on the Central Pacific Railroad; and
when the train dashed into daylight in
just four seconds, the sight of fellow
kissing his girl was revealed.
"THE summer ha. departed, love,
The leaf is In the sere, - fl-is ID
The cupof sweet regrets, love, ~
Is brimmed with many tear,
The forest trees are clothed, love, av,
And, f"-S All yes,a sheinterposed, s.sa-
a.t = Yonkers Gazette.
seJoHN writes to ask: !" How should
we begin the week7" We haven't the
scriptnral regulations handy, but if
| your folks wash on that day, one good
way to begin it will be by getting out of
the house before they discover that the
boiler or one of the tubs leaks.-Fg,astoss
| Times. '-'- -- - .+s@
A YOUNG lady hesitating for q
| word in describing the character of
| rejected suitor said, " He is not a tyrant,
not exactly domineering, but"
"Dogmatic," suggested her friend.
"No, he has not dignity enough for
| that; I think pupmatic would convey
my meaning admirably"
Our in Iowa the young ladies aid the
| yellow fever sufferers by selling kisses
at ten cents apiece. We opine that
| there has been enough wasted around
here to have brought in revenue of
$36, ,381. %, or in that immediate neigh
I UOIAOOus .4AO WOlot Va IL ID 014O WeoU0
continues.-Breakfast Table.
"IF should marry Eliza Jane," said
the prospective son-in-law, should
frankly confess one thing in advance
am of rather hasty temper and apt to
get mad without cause" "Oh, that'u
be all right" blandly replied the dear
old lady; "I shall go and live with you
and I'll see that you always have
cause" s.44g h. f.-s., .r.z..4
VISITOR from the country, at the door
of southside residence, to a German
next door: "Jane not at home, did you
savP' German-"Nein Chances nod
/ at home" Visitor-"Where is sher
/ German She's gone der cemetery
i down. Visitor" When will she come
back ??s,i .German-"Oh, she Won't come
back already any more: she's gone to
stay hes det.''
I''S StTHIRTY days hath September, if we
the almanac remember. Then comes
October, brown and sere, the month we
chills and fever fear.-Erratic Earique.
/ And then November, month of rains,
when one is full of aches and palms,
Mer;de, Recorder. You are all wrong,
although tits true November maketh
the nose quite blue. December comes,
with frosts and SHOWS, and gives US chill
blains on our toes.-Bradford Breeze.
u A BRAZILIAN count, millionaire,
was dining at the table dhote of fash
ionable hotel. His outlet was to his
taste, and he ordered another. "We
, onlv give one outlet" said the manager,
"and no bread with one fish-ball. y
!, Without a word the count rose, went
out. bought the hotel, returned, led the
manager to the front door and kicked
him down steps, then reseating himself
, at the table, said: "Bring me another
: outlet" They brought it, swift as the
| eagle cleaves the air. a.l4l .tl III .ssta
The Boston correspondent of the
Taunton Gazette tells the following cap
ital story, which he delares to be strictly
true: A party of Boston ladies wht
were spending the summer in a httls
town not far from the White Mountains
: attended fair which was held by thu
: ladies of one of the churches. Wishing
= to appear properly interested, one OF tn
visitors asked the manager what tn.
J proceeds were to be devoted to. Well,
was the hesitating reply, "we amt Ger
y tain whether we'll buy an ice-crean
:. freezer or hearse." s.-
WE read in Western exchange tina
"Two bushels of No. wheat will pa,
ore years subscription to the paper
This is a new feature in journalism, an.
9 we shall have to meet it gradually. l
n is not to be expected that we can orea
. off suddenly and all at once live nK
! Western editors. Until further notice
I and on this plan, six fat turkeys, tw
o hindouarters of steer beef, twenty-si
u dozen eggs, thirty bushels of potatoe'
/ two barrels Of Fl onr, forty quarts
. cranberries, one bar rel of A sugar, an
- seventy stalks of well-bleached ceier
70 will pay forsthe Sentinel one ycar.-
9 g Rome Sentinel. 4.
,r els there q letter here for mef aske
n. an ancient female of Postofhce en-
q. ployee yesterday. Inquiring her nam
a. the obliging clerk answered:
le eyes, nam; nine cents postage du
il on it too"
"Yes. sir. Would you be so good
to read it for mer
The obliging clerk opened the bill
ae which proved to be eleven pages
~ foolscap, and after patiently wadir
~ through it the old lady drew ioi
ne breath, and remarking, All rigl
M Young man, don't believe / will tal
ny it." walked out leaving the astonish'
l.s clerk with the voluminous docume
~ and a nine-cents postage bill on !
a: ne lily white hands.-Breakfast Table.