San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1878-11-16
wIT IND WISDOM.

THE only people who really enjoy Lad
health are tho doctors.
"THls must be looked into" as the
young lady said 70 the mirror
THERE are men who can take d dozen
drains without single scruple.
SALT fish for breakfast and u rubber
outfit will keep a man dry all day.
IL man in kicked over by a COW, can
he not be said to got free milk punchP
A MAN may not be sharp, but II he
marries shrew he will DO shrewod
fellow.
The three degrees in medical treat
ment; Positive, i'll; comparative, pill;
superlative, bill. . .,1,..
II CAN always tell water when sse
it," remarked an old Toddyblosson; 1T
looks 80 much like GIN" ii 81
ANovEL is called my Hearts in tho
Highlands" That is better than hav-
ing your liver in the hands Of doctor.
"A DISCONNECTED soldier, who found
that he had shot an Indian already de-
funct, was overheard to murmur, II
didn't know it was Lo dead" sy'j
People make TOO much fuss altogeth-
or over these athletic exhibitions. In
his greatest match O'Leary didn't walk
rs far by seven miles as u weak Woman
will while trying to match q shade of
ribbon.
81 wonder where the clouds are GO
ing" sighed Flora. peasively, us she
pointed with delicate finger TO the
heavy masses floating in the sky. II
think they arc going to thunder,' said
her brother.
IT would make stone image turn
green with envy to observe the express
sion of profound abstraction that settles
down on the face of n worshiper when
the contribution basket, gets within
about three pews of him.
The happiest moments in woman's
life are when she is making her wedding
garments; the saddest, when her hus-
band comes home late at night and yells
to her from the front step to throw him
some key-holes, assorted sizes. 4
THE scientist who LAYS it down rs q
principle that the animal system docs
not admit of two cxcitements at the
same time" has never seen a small boy
with humble bee under his hat and
another in the slack of his pants.
The Americus (Ga.) Republican says
that at printers festival, held in that
city, the following was given: "Tho
editor and tho lawyer--the devil is sai-
isfed with the copy of the former, but
requires the original Of the latter"
DID you ever notice that tho raggeder
and frayeder the neckband OF your shirt
grew the more starch the washerwoman
put into it, and the harder and glossier
she roned it? (And the higher you
carried your head the more you fidg-
etedD 3 en-
"BEdGARs can't be choosers," says an
old adage. We take notice shat a beg
gar got into the hallway the other day
and chose from the hat rack forthwith
three hats, one umbrella, and our best
sealskin overcoat. This knocks the saw
dust out of that adage. ~ 81
JENKINS, in helping his botter-half
put up tho stove pipe the other day
slipped on piecc OF custard pic which
George had dropped on the hearth, and
sat down upon the hot stove cover. His
pants were spoiled, but he is obliged to
take his meals from the mantcl for tho
present.
THE time will come when you won't
have to leave your seat ut the theatcr
between acts to 60 out and "see man."
Edison is experimenting on waves of
light sent through the telephone, and
says that "before year l will make you
see man 1000 miles away. Saturday
Night.
COLONEL MGERsoLL and his unbe.
lieving friends have told us about every
thing they don't believe, now will some
bright atheist come ont, this next lee
ture season, and tell us, just for q nov
city, what they do believe? II would
be an innovation, bnt it would satisfy
ravenous public curiosity.
PROFESSOR DAVID SWING does nos
believe in boys playing cards furtively
in tho wood-shed or hay-loft. No, il is
not safe. There is no knowing when
the old man will come bullying in with
rawhide that looks like a Russian
peace commissioner. A high and de-
serted attic with locked door IL the
only safe place.
AMONG other cuyiosities on exhibition
at the American department. Of the Paris
exposition was spring chicken from M
American boarding house. The chicken.
was taken TO the guillotine one morning,
but when the heavy knife fell on its meek.