, 1878-02-15
Wit and HumOr.
MoUKHTAR is in Kars, Grated.

TO know what cures dislike.
BRowN had been so often deceived by
tbe chicken at his boarding-house that he
now calls it the moCkiDg-bird.
CAT what age were you married2"
asked she, inquisitively. But the other
Isdv was equal to the emergency, and
ouietIy responded, "At the parsonage"
"My dear" said pretentious husband,
I'm going to write an essay on the
Golden calf" my love-" replied his wife,
9Im afraid you'll re.OeaI your igno.
rance"
A BOOK canvasser, the other day, talked
half an hour to induce lady to buy a
hook. Tten she handed him slip of
paper, on which was written: 81 am defe
and DUMP
awe all knows" said the school COM
mitteeman to the new teacher he was eX-
amining for her position, "that A, B an
Cis wowels, but wot we wants to know is
wy theyis So"
A WITNESS in Western court was
asked if the party to the Suit was not a
truthful man. NO." he answered; she'd
sooner lie at sixty days than tell the
truth for cash."
LADY-"And just put tint of carmine
on the cheeks, and not too much, you
know" Photographer-"Exactly, mad
am 1 perfectly understands about as much
as you have on now"
AN Irishman, seeing vessel very heav
ily laden and scarcely above the waters
edge, exclaimed: "Upon my sowl if the
river was but little higher the ship
would 90 to the bottom"
"ADv1cE!" said an old man of much
experience. "Why, l never had any one
come to me for advice, who, before he
got through, wasn't willing to giUe twice
as much as he asked tor!
AN inventor says: "Our latest lawn
mower eats the grass off like COW, but
it doesn't cost as much for provender;
and truth compels us to add, that it doesn't
give as much milk, either"
WHEN paragrapner makes joke out
of whole cloth it is generally home-spun.
Turner's Falls Reporter. Sir Oliver
Wendell is the only man who makes
Holmes puns.-N. Y. Herald.
WE see that dog-shows are announced
in several of the States. When it is re-
membered that dogs cost this country
about thirty millions of dollars year it
is surprising that they have any "show" at
all.
A MAN from this State, who recently
went to the Black Hills, wrote back to
his friends as follows: "Offer premium
atyour next fair for the biggest fool in
the country and I'll try and get there in
time"
"WHEN see," said Jobham-"Dealer
in Family Groceries'-"when see these
politicians running bills for family neces-
sites, and then trying to pay for them
with political influence, it rouses all the
grocer passions of my naturew
AT a school exhibition out on West
Hill the other day, delicate young lady,
reciting Grays Eegy, modified the coarse
yulgarity of one of the lines 10y render
Ing it,, "Can storied earn or animated
UuTSt. .-DuTLLHvtOH Hdth-Eye.
4 GENTLEMAN named Dunlop remarked
that he never heard his name punned
upon, and did not believe it could be
done. "Therc is nothing in the world
more easy, sir" remarked punstcr;
"Just lop off half the name, aud tits Dun"
"WHAr you say, Doctor, about 'pov.
pFtv hniptr a., grrr,n al ,.t.lI ,.,,.,,..I
In the abstract, but as "a mattcr of fact
man without means is always devoid of
principal and the banker passed the
Walnuts to his guest with a seli.sausiied
air.
A MAN who was kept awake hour after
hour by the barking Of dog, said he
never wanted to use a shotgun 50 bad in
his life. What inr-to shoot the dog ,'
askei friend. NO. he replied, "bu' io
saoot the fool who wrote. 'rTis sweet a.
hear the vaich.dog's honest bark"
WHES Mscrcady was once rehesfsius
"Ni'lizm Tell" he spoke the liue. "Da
yoa shoaii' iu a very natural nld colo.
qeiAl tnHs, which threN ihe raw actor De-
a'dfca~rtl n his guard "A httle, be- al.
.Hcred. "bui auut fancy them cfos.
oouA NJ Macfgaly, ihough Ian death
@aEgn~
riutp yanuU man who could u0i
nHsiFi up CUurarr Ga PIP titr gus-tI0u o.
~ sweetheart. uhIse name sas Aaua.
eas aag handed bee tEtr, whirb taf
eNrPtfa l"yiaIlr, tu1 s1ii ~llUu vg.I
- UriHFff and ne I.r.rHsas lf afatHs.|a
h@u Auna auh. tr.. 49, saa.. b.
ntsIutd
ftsfar card e-agsasr.s fRr simri ar
@a Iaay as .h+ f-ss tts hfaatrr af tas
t'ifamr.t aisfff .aUmrat Mr.. lf ass
eaE man ataa.I rf,Issf fa zoe 81 af
81 an postal card zar.s Dol saaIia1
~ hfr AUs s'.f muurrI rHsfr
D. sasf We'll. if uaf HaGa
"lt taa rrtr