The Centre reporter. [volume] (Centre Hall, Pa.) 1871-1940, 1878-02-21

/ A year or two ago there died Ia Rot
/ terdam "a certain Mynherr Van klaea, 10
whom In certainly due the title Of 1.-THE
King of Smokers" To gain this dis
4 tinctiOn In the great nation Of putfers
must require almost superhuman pow
ers and love for the Indian weed that
passes human understanding. But Van
Klaes Was ever superior 30 the emer-
gency. II took no effort ON his part 10
gain the smoky crown and wear IL while
he lived. He did net even die young,
as We might have anticipated from his
immoderate use of the weed, but both
enjoyed life and smoking until after he
had passed his eighty first birthday.
During the long vista Of smoking
wears In which he reyeled in his pipe,
Van Klaes consumed four tons of tobae-
90, well wetted down by 500, 900 quarts
Of ale which he drank, not 10 mention
Schiedam schnapps and oth national
beverages.
In Mynheer's house was q sumptuous
apartment, entirely devoted 10 pipes and
tobacco. Every variety Of weed grown
on the earths surface was 30 be found
there, in the plug. cut up or shredded /;
cigars, cigarettes aud cigariilAs were
grouped about in tasteful display. But,
above all, Mynheer's pipes first riyeted
the visitors eye. Ia this choice collec-
ton every branch or variety of the pipe
family had its representative; one could
trace the whole evolution of the race,
from the clumsy bowl and thick stem Of
Sir Walter Raleigh's clay TO the carved
meerschanm from Trehizond.
In this temple OF tobacco the veteran
would Sit, putting prodigious volumes Of
smoke from his weil-filled pipe, pnly
pausing now and then 10 wet his thirsty
lips with drink of ale. Ii In said that
his last rejecting breath was borne from
his lifeless body on n cloud Of smoke.
A few hours before his death Van
klaes called for "A notary Ia make his
will. Putting vigorously, aud after TAX
ing pull al his Schielam. Mynheer
gave precise directions for the per-
i0rmance Of his obsequiea. In the first
place, his coffin wAs IL be thoroughly
lined with the tops. bottoms and sides
Of boxes that had contained hls fayori:e
cigar; then bladder IF the finest dry
cut Dutch golden leaf was 10 he placed
az his feet Most important Of all, his
invoriie pipe must be laid ai his side.
firm conviction that his sonl wAs not
going t0 dwell in those lAtitndes where
tire "a sure 90 be close al hand, cansed
Mynheer "a dirert his executor 30 place
box of matches by his side, and, with
great foresight, he also desired that a
flint and steel should be added. as by
some unforeseen occurrence the matches
might dampen before they would be
wanted.
Having thus attended 20 his personal
wants in the next world, Van KlAes de-
sired that the smokers in the neighbOr
hood shonld be invited 10 his funeral.
each one 10 bee presented with ten pounds
Of tobacco and two pipes stamped with
the name and arms oi Van klaes, to-
gether with the date OF the donors
demise. These guests were % be adj
monishel % keep their pipes lighted
during service aud 20 scatter ashes on
the coffin As il was being consigned 30
mother earth.
The poor of the vicinity who observed
these instructions faithfully were 10 be
presented on the anniversary of Myn
heer's death with ten pounds Of tobacco
aud firkin Of ale apiece. After these
items were arranged 70 his liking Myn-
heer smoked his last breath, constant 30
the last, and certainly deserving 10 be
immortaliEed as the greatest smoker
since the food.