The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-06-15
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


the American eagle is bald-headed
Alex. Stephens, who was supposed to be a
rood as dead ten years ago, don't see why TIT
old wing party can't be resuscitated If he was.
The Belleville RStormer, an organ OF the u.
Nationals, enthusiastically speaks of Gen. Bates
The nominee of that party for state treasurer, al
'.akid.gloved political blatherskie."
The first man to nominate Hayes for presi
dent is reported have crawled into dark and
lonely hole and pulled the hole in after him.
Stanley Matthews wants TO be investigated
right away. When apocket is picked In crowd,
the man who did it is always the first to demand
that everybody be searched
Birds are entitled to justice. When man is
INDUCING in froc, to say he is "out on a lark
is a libel on that bird He is really out on a
swallow
A Minnesota girl has been serving on railroad
as a brakeman in male attire. She was discoy-
cred by her manner Of swapping up lady passen'
gers.
The Revolutionary" drama of Fraud 1nvestl-
CATION is received with every evidence oil popular
favor. A transition scene in the last act Is EMU
tied "Out of the Treasury into the Pcnitentary'
" Y. Sun.
A Reading Pa woman stole two pairs of pan
falcons by making a hustle out of them. There
was also hustle when she was brought into
court.
The Aurora Nars says Aurora has working
mems party. The members are very much at
tached to each other-by chain hitched to their
ankles,
The strong minded women gave Judge Hilton
a fearful oyerhauling at their indignation meet
ing in New York on Tuesday night. They want
to get married---they pine for male society
Faugh.
They say it is Just lovely TO see Garfleld's
sanity expression Of countenancc as he asks
Stanley Matthews IL there is anything he can do
for him in the next congress.
lady subscriber wrote to journal to make
inquiries abont the next worlds fair. The wick
ed editor replied that he was under the impress
sion that the next world would not have any fair
or STAIR ones" &C.,
When Freedom from her mountain height I'M
furled her standard to the air, she little thought
that naughty men would advertise hop bttcrs
there Worcester Press. .f l.
Disraeli has gone to Berlin 10 attend the con-
gress. "Hafter hail." he is said to have remark
ed to Salisbury, "Tli happrehend we shall find
hit pleasanter job to carve up and heat the
Turkey than those Rooshans found it to bring
i'm down--ch, hold fellow"
A scientific correspondent Of a Chicago paper
explains that the center lamp on the street cars
has been introduced as relief to the horses-it
makes the ear lighter
1t is easy enough to prove perjury on Levisec,
the Louisiana elector who swore to receiving an
offer of $40 600 to vote for Tilden, for no Lousi-
ana politician was ever known to refuse a cash
bride; but the case is less plain as to Anderson,
who obviously did business on credit and got mad
at the difficulty Of making collections.
According to the Scientific An,crcan, in the
State of Connecticut one person in every s54 is an
thing '@2F wo4rf 9'B SSEEoa3 Et S%Raer II the I'M
The prayer Of the Normas might suit the spirit
Of our time. II was, "Kind Heaven, do not
ask for wealth; only to be placed within arms
length Of some man who has it,
There is said to be contest between Colonel
lngersoll and the widow Van Colt as to which
shall convert the other. The Colonel has the
most charity, the widow the most faith, and ne- '
Their seems to have much hope. Is
He was gay young whisky.man
Put in dreadful fright, .
Because he thought the grand jury ,
Might possibly indict.
Socks will be very much worn this summer :
Boston Post. Then we had better lay a good
stock in, for If there is one thing we despise it is
darned sock:-Con. Adc. Has the Post garter C
reply TO that Worcester gazette Corset has
Boston Post. u
An unknown rhymestcr thus tells the story of L
the first bonanza: c
When Samson sailed forth to smite II
The foes that gathered round him, p
His king spoke out, pale with alright, :,
Think you that you can pound emp
lie paused a momcnt-thought il DER, ,
End quickly said, ~ can, sir" "
lie then gave them jack.mule jaw, u
Which proved big bonc.answcr." O
Next Monday the ambassadors Of Christian {
Europe meet at Berlin to cut up and parcel out d
among themselves the empire of Turkey. 81 il
say, Jim, Is il wrong TO steal turkcysg, "Ah. g,
John, that's great moral question we can't stop i,
10 argue. Pass down another turkey" "
SINE ora non. Of
Man wants but little here below Of
So sang the rowing bard,
Some love their padding with soft sauce. IL
And some prefer 1t hard V,
FOR tastes are various as the stars,
} et all This truth applaud; N
Whatever men want here below
They want il free from fraud
An eastern quack addresses a circular "to snr .,
lerers from writers cramp" and propomds va. .,
rely OF questions in regard to that interesting,
SUBJECT. The n Y Val says the most serious :"
feature OF the cramp among writers in that quar-. "
Ter Just now Is that which comes of being cramp. b
ed for want Of funds II
,,. VINO ever saw rope walk Rome Sentinel 7"
mo ever saw horse ly;-AlbaEy irg.s Who al
tNer saw cat YoHkers Gazefh. Who ever f,
Ia. a. nni uain boston Commercial. Who
EVER ever saw tree tocd?-Hack.nsack R,,.,byicr, u
W no ever saw milk madey-N Y B,uIJ;.,n .,