The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-05-18
BY QUILP, ESQ.

day were so exceedingly troublesome that she
gave up in shere disgust. When Jones came
home that evening from his work, and hao
washed himself and stood at the glass combing
out his long beard of which he was very proud
she said to him crustiy-
"Jones, you'd better sell them calves"
"Sell em! what for, and after spent three
dollars for the lumber for this yard?'
wall, | don't care, you'd better sell EN-
"Why, Martha?"
"Causc can't make 'em drink"
You cant?"
"No, can't, and I've tried every way know
Of too"
ats the easiest thing in the world"
"You try it, that's all, just try it," and she
detailed to him her plans and their failure.
That's jist about as much as woman
knows any way" he remarked upon her nara
tive. anybody mi ht know you couldn't feed
'em through the fence. You've got to get ov.
or into the pasture, then you'll have a chance
to do Suthin."
"I've tried all I'm goin to; if you think
YOU can make EN- drink, you can try it," she
answered with an emphatic nod of the head on
the yOu
"Of course | can make 'cm drink. Did !
ever fail in any thing | undertook"
She did not reply but busted herself in hcl
supper getting. He continued,
you women don't put the energy and com
mon sense into things as you ought to. | tell
you it takes sharp head to get along these
hard times andit,
She interrupted him with
"The milk is ready-go out and feed 'em be
fore supper"
Jones took up the pals, and getting about
half way down the garden, set them down
again and returned to the house with a shake
of the head, as much as to say, Its a good
time to show her what she can do ifshe means
business" and coming to the door said:
Martha you jist go long and see how easy
it's done"
Mrs. Jones dropped her work and started
with her husband for the scene of the later'S an.
ticipated triumph
He divided the milk, half in each pail, and
proceeded to get into the enclosure which was
Uttered up with boards and other rubbish
thrown there by the children.
81 tell you you'd better not get in there
Jones" remarked his wife.
"Why not?"
"'Cause, you'll have lots a trouble if YOU
do"
"No won't either I guess know what
Pm about. You women are always borrowing
trouble bout suthin."
Jones got into the yard. Both calves came
for him at once, and setting down the pail,
with one hand still hold Of it to keep them
from overturning il, he began the experiment
As soon as the pail reached the ground tie
calves jammed their head into it as deep as
they could, their eagerness pushing the bail
down on the rim of the pail with Jones hand
under the wire. With vigorous application
of the stick he held in his other hand he re-
leased it, with howl of pain, and raising the
injured member for acloser inspection. While
doing so the calves came for the pail again,
which one secured, the other, with his nose
covered with milk shook his head in disap.
pointment scattering it all over Jones face and
eyes. He dropped the stick and attempted to
clear his sight with his well hand.
Take care-they'll tip. over the pail and lose
the milk" said his wife.
"Oh! | do wish you'd let me alone" he re.
torted angrly. Il can tend to this business
without any help"
Meanwhile one a. lac calves, in his eager.
ness to get at the MIX in the pail, swaycd
around towards ,juncS, still rubbing his eyes
and by a sudden it.i,h pushed him over, land.
ing him in the met unseemly place in the en-.
closure. Before r ,,covered himself they had
overturned the nlIk and his wife had bit a
great hole in hel IRON to keep her face duti
fully straight,
Impcllcd by prur .atial motives, Jones forgot
his other injuries n'l msiortuncs and rccov
cred himself suffice, utly 10 save part of the
milk which he proceeded to feed to the first
calf in the good od.fashioned way his wife
had adopted. The calf alternately plunged
his head to the bottom of the pail seriously in
tertering with his respiration, and then with &
bunt ut the side raised il out again, scOOping
the skin off Jones knuckles every time. lie
bore the ills with heroism that would have
honOred Il dime novel worthy and at the clOst
walked to the fence with a look OF resignation
and adeCp drawn sigh.
Hadn't you better feed the other one Ovel
hereYhis wife managed to say murmurne
something about getting his clothes dirty
mo. vi feed him here" he answered testify
Accordingly he took the pail and bending owe
this time by the side of the unied calf, with hi.
hand IN lis mouth was succeeding nicely.
You see Martha, It's little trouble to start
but after you get started right, it goes wei
enough"
Scarcely had he uttered the words before
he other calf who had part of his coat tai
4 his mouth and was endcavoring to brinc
ilk out Oft became sorely veXed because tn,
ing didn't give down." and concentrated al
disappointment IN one vigorous punt Whlcl
lck Jones IN the rear of his neither gar
ITS, scndiHg him sprawlng heap with tn,
Che was feeding, and the milk in the pal
Stating his clothing and filling his whisker.
Infringing loud bah from the calf who
WANDER Jones scrambled to his feet in
mont, siroked the milk out Of his whiskcrs
t ,,lu N Infused with sudden anger which be
"!1 tself in words like "d-m' and dog
Ill u I'd some stronger and more forciblc eX
aJJSIS snatched board from the CrounC
,,uu we for the calves with vengcnce in hi:
LII, an, ie energy of anger in his arm. Th'
ON H., shed this part of the programme ev
.a,.e, an the first, for, raising their bushel
-, fn the air, they sailed around tn
~ WIN ones like q human Nemesis afte
. .nenI; As ten as he would draw his boarC
aD5 ,iAI "a calves would quicken their pac
sn iu '.e olo"would only stir the hair of thei
and finally a,-;n,, 49,, - " - a. 81