Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-10-02
A Little Fun for a Cent.


Take away women, what would follow?
The men.
A rural inventor has patented
padded gatetop to facilitate courtship.
SANKEY'S prompt reputation Of his
mother, when she found him in Eng
land, is considered a great triumph Of
mind over naater.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
COT is sever thus" said Alexander
when he cut the Gordian knot. "Beef
Allah moved" said the Turk when the
hail killed his cattle.-New York Muz
do dogs snore ?" asks an exchange
We don't know, as we never fool around
a dog long enough to find out We
know however, that mules do not
New York E1press.
The late George Robbins, we'll
known auctioneer, said in one Of his
advertisements of an estate that he had
Tor sale: 9 In that favored region the
moon IS always at the full"
A Kentucky farmer writes to the
local newspaper, complaining of the
low price of dairy produce, and adds:
" shall not sell my eggs for eight cents
a dozen-it don't pay for the wear and
tear Of the hen"
An old granger, who came into town
to purchase a piano for his daughter,
asked the agent if he hadn't one with q
handle in the end, $50 we can all give
it a turn once in q while.-Nowistown
Herald.
A girl in Kentucky struck her Gro
quet partner on the head with mallet;
brain-fever set in, and the young man
nearly died. The girl was kept under
arrest until his recovery, and when he
got we'll she married him, and now she's
sorry he didn't die.
When a barefooted boy steps on the
end Of pin, he may with indisputable
propriety be said to be surveying this
world from a very lively stand point.
The man who can hum hymn while
jointing stove-pipe is good enough to
walk into full membership Of any
church, without probation.
"Nisi Prius Judge" wrote the editor
Of the Belfast (Me.) Age in an obituary
notice Of Judge Dickerson, and the in
telligent compositor naturally set it up,
" Wise, pious Judge"
They sit upon the stOop; it's nj ght-
Her curls upon his bosom lie,
The moon is shining soft and bright,
he while she whispers coy and shy,
30, Glen, it's time to shoot that white Iecktie!;'
He was almost undressed when his
father caught him, but the defense was
convincing. 81 don't want to 90 in
swimming with 'em: I only wanted to
see the bad little boys who go in swim
ming on Sunday get drowned"
When Mary went to heavens gate
Saint Peter met her there
And asked the reason why she came,
AS there she knelt in prayer.
Poor Mary spoke and groaned with pain,
As though she had a cramp;
"A foolish virgin sir. was /,
A-foOling with lamp
Chicago Tribune.
A tiny thread of gold supporting
solitaire diamond is the latest style Of
ngagement-ring. 1t is SO everlastingly
sweet and SO easily broken.
The woman-and all of the sex do
who glances under the bed at night be-
fore retiring, evidently has in mind the
proverb, "Look before you Sleep
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Picay1uae believes it will not be
long ere the railway-conducto will be
calling out: Cali aboard for Jerusalem
Excursion ticket to Bethlehem Re-
freshments atGolgotha !"
"Want yer stove put up, ell /" said
Scroggins to his wife this morning.
"Well, where is it? Trot it out. I'm
ready. Oh you want it blackened
first Well, won't do that I'll put it
up, but damfile clean it %
A man who suddenly comes in con-
tact with lamp-post Or a big tree
knows more about the stars and hea-
venlv bodies in twinkling of the eve
than Prof. Proctor will know if he lives
until Ben Butler is elected president.
Ma" said an inquisitive little girl,
!" will the rich and poor people live to-
gether when they go up to heaven ?"
" Yes, my dear; they will all be alike
there Then, ma, "why don't rich
and poor Christians associate together?"
" Sally had better put you to bed my
love; you are getting sleepy"
"Suppose you were out in a jungle
somewhere" said Strobel to Biliikins,
while walking through the Zoo, and
should see tiger come charging down
upon you, with fur up and mouth open,
what would be your first thought?"
" Well, [ rather think" replied Mr.. B.,
that for about two seconds I'd con-
clude Marthy AIMS mother had just
got back from her trip to camp-meet-
ing. It would be comfort, though,
when [ found out that I'd been mis-
taken about it"