, 1878-06-07
Wit and HumOr.

" tahe an axe ana chop wood.
How to make barrel of flour ,,o
great way: Send it to the starving Chi.
nese.
WHAT is the difference between n hsr
Der and usurcr' One is shaver of
races and the other a shaver of notes
ECONOMY is the road to wealth. And
the way can be easily told by the taII
grass which streaks its center Wb1s'
haN Times.
The legend runs that st. Louis al.
rectory man never ventures to naso
through Chicago. He always gets ont
on the cars and walks around it.
you call that trunk, do vop9p
growled a detected hotel porter. "It
only needs lightning conductor to make
it look like boarding house"
OUR new silver dollar contains onlv
92 cents worth of silver, but the man who
tries to get one for less than 100 cents is
liable to be laughed at.-Boston Tracelsr.
THE ward boundaries of Constantine.
pie will have to be drawn in little in
order to get the capital inside the limits
of the new map Of Turkey.-Rurlington
Hawkeye
A FLORIDA negro mistook mule for a
ghost and poked it with a stick. The
verdict recited that he came to his death
by using too short stick in probing the
unknowable for evidences of a future ex.
istence.
A Troy man had his boy in the wood
shed and was taking his measure with an
infant sapling. AS he threw away the
CAD, he sarcastically remarked, "Now,
what do you call that2" "Father," said
the boy, lit was very like whale"
"Do you believe in the use of the rod
my dear Professor2" asked lady whose
children were making life burden to
all the guests in the hotel. ''In some
cases, madam; but there are Others"
glaucing at her gamboling darlngs,
"where prefer the revolver"
"WHERE was Bishop Latimer burned
to death2" asked a teacher in a COM
manding voice. "Joshua knows" said
u little girl at the bottom of the class.
SWELL" said the teacher, "if Joshua
knows, he may tell" "In the fire." re-
piled Joshua, looking very grave and
wise.
The carly strawberry, at a dollar
quart, puts on aristocratic airs and looks
with scorn and contempt upon hungry
humanity. BY July he will get down
from his lofty eminence and hide himself
between the strata of a fifteen, cent sala-
ratus short cake, and howl for GUS
toner.
THE future of the phonogrsph-Ardent
lover: "You ask for some proof of
my affection, my devotion. What proof
can l offer you2 Stay! l have it!
am ready to breathe my vows into the
Young Lady's Best Companion or
Breach. Of Promise.Self Registering Evi-
-Phonograph."
THE retort cruel-(Sc -Cheapsde)
-Beggar, following up City Joker; "Oh,
sir, assure you l have eaten nothing
for two whole days" City Joker: Eaten
nothing for two daysl Then, my dear
sir, you should go and see doctor at
once. You must want tonic. Funny
FOLKS.
PASCAL, who married a ruby haired
girl year ago, returned to his mother
for visit on Sunday, and she discovered
that he had become bald-headej. His
mother attempted to brush few stray
locks over the white spot, but he pa
tiently said: "Don't spoil it; that is
where Mary lays down her plan of
battle"
In a duel, in Kentucky, the seconds
loaded the guns with soft soap. The
man who won the first shot fired, and
dropped behind log. His antagonist
walked up to him, and putting the muzzle
of his gun near the coward's head, pulled
the trigger. The victim, feeling the soap
as he put his hand to his head, ex-
claimed piteously; "Oh, my poor brains!
my poor brainsl' He never heard the
last of that.
DURING the last rehearsal of new
piece at London theatre, the manager
asked if all the properties were ready.
Everything l have ON my list" replied
the property man, with some hesitation,
"is ready, but have just beard Mr.. X.
ask about the acoustic properties of the
house, and have not yet heard a WORD
about those" "Let them be got at once,
and hang the expensel" exclaimed the en-
ergetic manager.
The. st. Louis Journal peacefully
pipeth the pleasures of hou'e-claaning
thus:
"The housekeeper giveth cheerful hop,
And we hear the musical fipperty flop
OF the mostly, misty, maddening mop.
And 10, the maddening horrors rush
Athwart our souls at the soapy gush
OF the slippery, Shiny scrubbing brush.
From early morn till evening gloom
We hear the scratching in hall and room
OF the boisterous, busily-bobbing broom
And now there cometh woesome vail
That augurs a rally gusty gale. 50,
From q man with his leg in thescrubblng pail
ONE of the teachers in Binghampton
public school received the other day an