West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-09-07
Dr. Snoops's Elixir Of Youth.
IFrom ruck I


He was little, dried-up specimen of
humanity, weighing probably ninety
five pounds
He was cross-eyed, his nose pointed
around toward his left ear, and his
clothes looked as if they had been fitted
To his form when he was about thirteen
years of age, and hadn't been changed or
washed since.
He came i'm briskly, helped himself To
a chair, took a small package wrapped
up in an old newspaper from his pocket,
carefully unrolled it, displaying n pint
bottle ornamented with flaming yellow
label.
"Therel just look at that, will you ? "
he exclaimed, helding the bottle up tc
the light and squirting in our direction
with one eye, while the other was fas-
tened ON his property
We looked.
Do you know what that is2" he con
tinued.
We acknowledged that we did not.
Well, sir, that bottle contains the
most wonderful remedy that was ever
brought to the notice of perishing man
kind-Dr Snoops's Elixir of Youth 4;
price one dollar n bottle, or six bottles
for five dollars. ann the sole and only
agent for the United States, Canadas.
South America, New Jersey, Van Die
mans Land and the Sandwich Islands.
The man or woman that uses this
Elixir regularly will never grow old.
written guarantee To this effect is
given away with every bottle.
II is, so 10 speak, a fountain of per
petual youth and health.
The inventor, DIR. Snoops, isnow Just
one hundred and thirty-seven years old
TO day, and he is, 10 all appearances,
as young and fresh n boy of sixteen.
He runs nine miles every morning
before breakfast and practices on the
horizontal bar eleven hours each day.
" Armed with pint bottle of that
wonderful preparation, he plunges into
the greatest dangers without the slight
est fear.
"The accidents that the Elixir has
carried the doctor through in safety
would fill whole library.
Once while Snoops was travelling i'm
the wlds of the West, he fell off pre-
cipice three or four hundred feet high,
fracturing his skull and breaking his
collar-bone i'm six places
" For week he lay unconscious, but
"A soon IA he came to and found out
what was the matter, he hauled forth
his flask of Elixir, took one swig and in
less than no tiWe he was on his feet as
sound AZ trade dollar.
" At another time he ran into band
Of hostile indians, and they went to
work and shot him 80 full of holes that
a fellow could see TO read newspaper
through him without any trouble at all.
Under tine circumstances some men
would have kicked the bucket. But
Snoops didn't.
The Elixir saved him.
" If one of the bullets had hit the bot
tie it would have been all day with him.
but fortunately it was untouched, and
the liGe-giving compound stood right up
alongside of Sneops and pulled him
through. And then on another
On anOthek occasion DIR. Snoopss
motber-in-Iaw sat down on n buzz-saw.
and got splitin two as slick and neat as
could be-
" Well, the d,pctor picks up the two
halves, claps them together, pours half n
bottle of Elixir down the old lady, and
in three minutes by the thermometer she
was up, bossing around the ranch as
natural a. ever.
&" tell you Dr. Snoops's Elixir of
Youth is big thing, and if you don't
order half a-dCzen bottles you'llbe sorr,S
for it when the cholera morbus or sor.,e-
thing of that sort comes swooping down
on you with it's destroying breath and
not drop Of the Elixir within reach !"
We arose and grasped the brass
mounted villain by the cOat-cOllar, and
he and his bottle of Elixir struck the
bottom stair simultaneously.
If he ever comes back he will need
exactly four hogsheads Of that Elixir
for his own personal use right away
after we get through with him. That's
business.