Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1878-04-07
A Little Advtce BIZ JOSH Billings.


Dear girls, are you in search of hus.
banda
That is pumper, and you are not re.
quested to say Eyes" out loud, but are
expekted tew throw yure eyes down onto
the earth as tho you was looking for pir
and reply tew the 1nterrogatery with g
kind of draulin sigh.
Not tew press so tender theme until
1t bekums thorn in the flesh, we will
presume(tew avoid argumenD that you are
on the lookout for something in the male
line. Let me give you sum small chunks
ov advice how to spot your future hus.
band:
l. The man who is Jealous ov every
little atteDshun which you get from sum
other fellow yu wud find after yu are
married to him he luvs himself more than
ne duz you, and what you mistook fol
solissitude yu will discover has changed
to indifference.
Jellosy isn't heart diseze, it liver
komplaint.
2. A mustash is not Indispensable; it
IS only little more hair, and is much
ike moss and other excressences-- often
doz the best on sile that won't raise any
thing else. Don't forget that those things
which you admire in a fellow before
marriage you will probably dislike in a
husband after, and mustach will get to
be very week diet after a long time.
!, wi 81
as IRISH cooks are, two-thirds ov them
would probably be returned; but there
don't seem to be emmy law for this.
Thefore, girls, you will see that after yu
git man yu have got to keep him, even
if you loz on him. Consequently,
if yu have got emmy kold yittles in
the house, try him on them once in
while during securing season, and if he
swallers them we'll, and SEE be will take
sum more, he il man who, when blue
Monday Gums, will wash we'll.
4. Don't marry Eheller who is alwus
tellin how his mother doz things. It il
too hard to ween yung one.
5. II young man can beat yu play
ing on pianner and kant hear a fish
horn playing on the street with
out turning summersault on account of
he music that is in him, I say leave him );
he might answer to tend babe, and if yu
tset him hoeing out the garden, you will
| find that you have got to do it yourself.
| A man whoze whole heft lies in musick
f(and not too hefty at that) amt no better
than seedlitz powder; but if he luvs to
listen while yu sing sum gentle ballad,
,ju will find him mellow and not soft.
iBut don't marry emmy body for just one
dvirtew emmy quicker than you would flop
70 man for jist one fault.
6. 1t IS one of the most tuffest things
For a female to be an old maid successful
ly. A great many has tried it and made
y bad job of it, and had hard time.
Every body seems to look upon old maids
ist as they do upon dried herbs in the
1;arret--handy for sickness and there
,4ore, girls, it ANITA mistake that you shud
1'e willing to swop oph with some true
Hearted phellow for husband. The swop
Il a good one; but don't swop for any
llan who is respectable jist because his
luther is. You had better be an old maid
i'r 1000 years, and then join the Shakers,
IAN tew buy repentance at this price.
10 woman ever made this trade who
! dn't get either phool, mean Gus, or
iclown, for a husband.
! y. In digging down into this subject l
Y I'd the digging goes harder the further
get. 1t is much easier to inform yu
no not to take, for the reason there is
ore Of them.
L don't think you will foller my advice
III give it, and therefore I will keep it,
| I look upon advice as do castor-ile
4 a mean dose to take and a mean dose
give. But must say one thing, girls
/ Spite. If you can find bright-eyed,
Will balusted boy who looks upon pow
~ az sassy az a child looks upon riches
dwho had rather sit down upon the
Nrbstone in front of the Fifth Avenue
Il 'tel and eat a ham sandwich, then go
1i,ide and run in debt for his dinner and
apthpick-and who is man with sort
iiplucl1 that mistakes defeat for victory
advice is to take him body and soul
re him at onst, for he is stray trout,
\ reed very skarse in our waters.
! lake him, I say, build onto him as
- -nets build on tree.