The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-01-31
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

POLLY-sYLLABLEs-c lectures.
The old Western settler-the evening
sun.
TROUBLE and twins never come
singly.
A GREEN Christmas makes = poor
plumber.
THE truce that Turkey needs:
Armies-'tis.
The fantastic name for suicide is
"euthanasia."
A CLOUD no bigger than grand
mothers hand frequently hangs over .
small boys life.
HARD treatment, bareback and hard
ship constitute regular soldiers lite
on the frontier.
ONE frightened woman can upset a
row-boat that would ordinarily hold
eighteen full-grown persons.
The wan who "sees'' another mans
"antc'' is frequently obliged to call in
the assistance of his " uncle"
A FASHIONABLE London preacher re-
Gently said: est. Paul remarks, and I
partially agree with him"
DID you ever reckon up the number
of people you would like to kick if they
were not rich?-Dontury Neaos.
IT may sound like paradox. yet the
breaking of both wings of an army is q
pretty sure way of making it fly.
ONE-TIiIRD of the left-hand corner OF
envelopes and visiting-cards that are
used for second mourning are black.
IT is libel on true greatness to call
a man who is unable to write his name
"a man of mark. "-DctroI Free Press.
A FLOOD is not always fragrant, but
the Philadelphia Bulletin informs the
world that a freshet is always "rose
water.'
In Baltimore it is proposed to lay q
city tax on all.vehiclcs, the fund pro-
duccd to be used in keeping the streets
in order.
THE experience of many q life,
"What a fool l have bcen!'' The ex-
pcrience of many a wife. "What a fool
have got!'
A VIRGINIA girl, whose affianced
failed to appear on the wedding day,
acted as bridesmaid to another couple
Wiz ONiAN OSCAllEs
A WOMAN in Baltimore, sane in other
respects, believes that she is a Princess,
and insists on wearing nothing but pur-
pie, even to her underclothing.
COSMETICS for the hair often contain
lead poison and cause paralysis and
wrist-drop." Women who use them
do SO at the risk of poisoning them
selves.
WASN'T the small boy who thought
he could master both spelling and read
ing by chewing up his primer piece
meal, a little primer-chewer in his con-
clusions?
A MONTANA Justice of the Peace
doesn't splurge when he marries y
couple. He says: "Arisc! Grab hanGsl
Hitched! Six dollars And that is all
there is to it.
DEAL gently with the weather pre-.
dictions. The other day Prof. Tice got
mad at man who said his prognostics
was liar and froze him 10 death in
ten Enthusiastically.
ENAMoRED writing-master Ito a
young lady pupil -'' can teach you
nothing; your hand is already very
desirable one, and your Is are the most
beautiful have ever SEEM"
CHANGES come with the seasons.
The man who last year lay in bed while
his wife built the fire, will this year let
his wife build the fire while he lies in
bed. This is married devotion re-
warded.
ICLAsPED her tiny hand in mine; /
vowed to shield her from the wind
from the worlds cold storms. She set
her beauteous eye on me, and with her
little lips said she, "An umbrella will
do as we'll"
THE figure of Liberty was first intro
duced on dimes and half-dimes in 1886,
but the circle of stars did not appear
till 1888. Halves and quarters were
first coined in 1888, and none were ever
issued without the stars. - Chicago
Journal.
WISE people who love to drive into
apparently unfathomable mysteries are
requested to explain why pencil lead
always breaks just when you have fin.
ished laboriously constructing a poin,
with 4 dull knifc.-Rockla,ad me. J
Courier.
A GIRL, who formerly lived in St.
Louis, writes from Colorado to an old
friend: "This is the handsomest zoe
acres ever put my foot down on
Her father ought to get 100 acres more,
and have lawn around her foot.-N
Y. Herald.
On the theory Of the survival of the
GtfoSt tho tailnr op1 f1,o I.
ought ere long to possess the earth
Boston Advertiser. Will not the cpl
LEIPZIG come in for his share?-W orceste,
Press. Yes; and the prize-ring combat.
ant?-N Y. Graphic.
A CONVICTION (Ky.) correspondent
tells this: IA country merchant Wis.
tied the city few days ago, and, going
to Cincinnati, purchased from a dollar.
store a table-castor, which he took
home with him, and, after putting a
tag ON it marked fourteen dollars,
made it present to Methodist
preacher, whose church his family at.
tended The reverend gentleman took
the package home, opened it and ex.
amined the contents. The next day he
brought the castor with tag attached)
back to the groceryman, and said t.
him: Il am too poor in this worlds
goods to afford to display so valuable q
castor on my table, and, if you have nc
objection, should like to return it and
take fourteen dollars worth of groceries
for my family in its stead The mer
chant could do nothing but acquiesce
but fancy his feelings!''
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A Missouri Cave.Dweller.