, 1878-03-16
THE NATIONAL CAPITOL.
How the city Of Washington was Laid Os'

How the city Of Washington was Laid o.
An English traveller of some thirty au
tumns, with long tawny side-whiskers an
big feet, with eyeglass and lavender kids t
match, found himself last summer upon tn
dome of the capitol Beside hin lOunged a
| American, who was also gazing on the fai
| panorama of the city beneath him, with al
the airy nonchalance Of the bird Of freedom
Excuse me, sir" quoth the BritOn, VIII
| had first seen the light OF day within hear
ing of Bow-bells-"but / am o stwangal
heah! Wot 4 cewiOus plan for city; s
diffewent from Lunnon, You know; laid h'ou
by an h'infant l think, Wasn't it" ''Oh
no :" answered the lounger. That's quit
a mistake; that's in them school histories
but RI tell you all about it. The plan wa
entirely the result of accident; it happene,
in this way. You see all those avenues hk,
the spokes of merchandising from a com
mon centre, they call it. Well, where th'
capitol now stands under us, there was for
merly located large distillery Of apple-jaek
Farmers houses were dotted here and ther,
all round the hill. The worthy owners bein
free and enlightened citizens and all fond ol
their little mp" Just made hee-hne thro
the under brush, for the apple-brandy- This
in course of time, made regular beaten tracks,
all ending right here, so Il. Washington and
his engineers jus. laid out the avenue along
the same lines 1t saved heap of trouble
yOu see, that's the nam thing here, and then
q. W., he was Just chain hghtIin' any way
Besides it was all clean, straight and reg
uIar"
"Deah me, Most extwardiawy! But,
my deah fellah, Pennsylvania avenue shuts
h off yondah, at Fifteenth stweet, somehow, y
remarked the cockney. so, forgot that
part of it. You see, old Biiah Smith lived
where the white house stands now, and his
big red barn was on the site of the present
treasury department and red, and hand
some like, Bijah was purity hard case
carried ON jest awful. Didn't put any water
in hisn, you bet! SO his wife Tabitha she
got after him hot and heavy -badgered and
Worried him so thlt it want 10 use, and
finally he up and swore off Well, he kept
his swear for quite while, until one hot day
the old feelin came over him and felt main
dry and thirsty like, for he seen them other
chaps scootin' pf after their little O-be-joy-
full, so spry and natrral, he could not stand
it any longer Then he up and says to his
wife: Tab, sez he, I'll Jest keinder skip
over to Smoot's little and see how his
pumpkin vines is bearin'' Smoot's house
was where Fourteenth street now crosses the
avenue OF went Bijah, bright and clipper;
but when he reached the red barn he dodged
behind it and-straight for the distillery
He always afterwards took that mean and
sneakin' advantage of his fond and trusting
wife. The Old track got growed over, while
w. and his men took the new track for
Pennsylvania avenue. As for BiJah, he took
on awful had the d. t.s at last, and hls
wife had to send him to the lunatic asylum.
You can see him there now any visitors day.
Coekney gazed in open mouthed astonlsh-
ment at his informer for moment. then
gulped out: ''Bnt wot did Gawge Wausf
ington do with the distillery:" 80. no,
quoth the iounger, "you can't come that on
,ie! That there liquor is not for the likes
OF you and me-not any. It's for 'our wlsers
and betters, as the good book says That
distillery is standing now, walled up IN the
crypt down stairs. They keep it goiu'
night and day, and each senator and member
vate key"
The inquisitive eoes;ney turned slowly to-
wards the staircase of the dome, and went
away from that immediate neishborhood-
He retarned to Henglaad a sadder and a
wiser man, with broader and more enlight-
ened views of "those stwange and extwau
,linawy Americans. and he will firmly be-
lieve, during the balance of his misguided
existence that-to paraphrase from Lord
Dundreary-"It's not Gawge W-w-wsusing-
ton; it's tie apple wandy as did it,"
1t is not known whether the bibulOus old
stranger, author of the above, ever "revisits
the glimpses of the moon," or whether the
haunts where he once did congregate nov
know him no more for ever His incOmings
and his outgoings remain alike, hidden
mystery; but he has at least contributed
very curious page to the arch;eologyof Wash
ington.