The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1878-06-27
THE GIRLS.
A Little Advice by Josh Billings.


Dear girls, are you in search of
husband?
That is a bumper, and you are
not requested to say yes out loud,
but are eXpektd tew throw yure
eyes down onto the earth as tho
you was looking for a pin, and re-
ply tew the interrogatory with a
kind of drawlin sigh.
Now tew press so tender a theme
until it bekums a thorn in the flesh,
we will presume (tew avoid argu
ment) that YOU are on the lookout
for something in the male line.
Let me give you some small chunks
of advice how to spot your future
husband:
l. The man who is jellous on
every little attensbun which you get
from some other fellow you wud
find after you are married to him he
luvs himself more than he duz you,
and what you took for soliesitude
yu will discover has changed to in
difference.
2. A mustash is not indispensa-
/ BILE; it is only little more hair, and
is much like moss and other eXcres-
cences-often duz the best on sile
that won't raise anything else.
Don't forget that these things which
you admire in a fellow before mar
riage you will probably dislike in a
| husband after, and a mustash will
get to be a week diet after a long
time.
3. If husbands could be took on
trial, as Irish cooks are, two thirds
ov them would probably be re-
turned; but there don't seem eny
law for this. There, girls, you will
see that after you git a man, you
have got to keep him, even if you
loze on him. Consequently, if you
have got any cold vittles in the
house, try HIM on them once in a
while during securing season, and
if he swallows them well, and he will
take sum more, he is a map who,
when blue Monday Gums, will wash
well.
4. Don't marry a pheller who is
alwus tellin how his mother does
things. 1t is hard to ween young
one.
5. If a Young man can beat you
playing on a pianner and kant hear
a fish-horn blowing on the street
without turning a summersault on
account of the music that is in him,
l say leave him; be might answer
to tend babe, and if you set him
hoeing out the garden, you will
find that you have got to do it
yourself. A man whose whole heft
lies in music (and not too hefty at
that amt no better than q seedlitz
powder, but, if he luvs to listen
while you sing some gentle ballad,
you will find him mellow and not
soft. But don't marry ennybody
for just one Virtew any quicker
than you would flop man for just
one fault.
6. 1t is one of the most tuffest
things for a female to be an old
maid successfully. A great many
has tried it and made bad job of
it, and had a hard time. Every
body seems to look upon old maids
jist as they do upon dried herbs in
the garret-handy for sickness
and therefore, girls, 1t amt a mis-
take that yu should be willing to
swap oph with some true hearted
phellow for a husband. The swop
is a good one; but don't swop for
any man who is respectable jist be-
cause his father is. You had better
be an old maid for 1000 years, and
then join the Shakers, than tew
buy repentance at this price. No
woman ever made this trade who
didn't get either a phool, a mean
Gus, or clown for a husband.
7. In digging dOWn into this sub
ject l find the digging goes harder
the further l git. 1t is much easier
to inform you what to do to take,
for the reason there is more of them.
don't think Jou will foller my
advice if L give it, and therefore 1
will keep it, for l look upon advice
as / do upon castor ile-a mean
dose to give and mean dose to take.
But l must say one thing, girls, or
Spite. If you can find a bright
eyed, well balusted boy, who looks
upon poverty rs sassy as a child
looks upon wealth-who had rather
sit down upon the curbstone in
front of Fifth Avenue Hotel and eat
ham sandwich than go inside and
run in debt for his dinner and
tooth pick-and who is a man with
that sort of pluck that mistakes a
defeat for a victory, mi advice is to
take him body and soul-snare him
at onst, for he is "a stray trout
breed very skarse in our waters.
Take him, l say, and build onto