Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1878-03-28

though the whirl OF agony went on
| all the same, how fortunate it W as
that she was bihl--a child. She
would sit by his sid during all com.
J ing time. and never dream of the
gulf that lay betwaen them.
Il The days passed. Lasley Pavnes
line Of action was laid out be would
not vary essential from it. He Ind
the strength to @ through with
what h had undertaken. He be.
lieved, as most men would, that his
determination was grand and mag
unanimous.
But [ have my doubts. The old
er we grow the more plainly we see,
that, even for our own daily comfort
tho entire truth is wisest. If Payne
had opened his who'll, heart to her
when he wooed hers least he would
have been relieved from the burden
OF an eternal some ming to conceal.
| But he chose bis way, and he
trusted to his estimate of her char
acter, and believed that he could
make ner happy, in spite of his own
misery and that she would rest
TRANQUILITY his child wif--his little
May, as he was fosi of calling her.
| The days passed tho ordinary
routine Of life went an; the intense
heat lasted, so there was an excuse
for Payne's pallcr and lassitude-
and Mays cheerfni voice was cheer
ful as ever: and Lasley knew that
bis secret would never be suspected,
growing sometimes bitter 10 his
thoughts because The blindness TO
which he trusted was so complete.
| l hold him worthy of all pity and
sympathy. | think there must be
something grand about man who
could bear as he did, and make no
sign. But now | have done with his
feelings for have but a brief space
to tell my stcry, and il is the char
acter of little May that l wish to
make clear to you
L said she had SO far gone through
life on the surface there had been
nothing to rouse he real strength,
If such there was. Happiness had
been so entire ta It she had never
dreamed OF the possibility of suffer
ing.
But from the fist hour that Las.
ley Payne's fresh suffering began,
che knew it. The beautiful Eden
where she had dw>'l reeled into cha
os, and she knelt a'ai1 the blacKn ess
praying to God for oelp.
This is the broken record that was
written by her own hand. You will
understand her nature by reading
the voice of her heart-written at
intervals, without date, only meant
to be destroyed-the one outlet ex.
cept prayer, to the anguish which
tugged at the v,ry springs of life.
He always calls me little May,
sweetly, with an undertone of pity in
his voice that is worse to bear than
harshness would be.
Little May! A child-a poor blind
thing A butterfly that he caught
unwittingly; and ont of the great ten
derness of bis nature will not crush,
though the butterfly is daily torture
to his eyes, because it reminds him of
some summer forever gone by
How did | know this-why do /
feel it !? Can / tell? But it is the
truth. He pities me. He would die
to shield me from knowledge of it.
But my husbands heart is world
beyond my reach.
My husband ? Why God helm
me ] am not even a wife in the
sight of heaven. Gods word says
heart joined to heart, soul cleaving to
soul! And | must make no sign. l
must let him press his lips to mine. /
must let him believe that my whole
being is content, and
Il am trying to see clearly. IF /
were only wise and could form def
mite plan but | can pray maybe
our heavenly Father will pity me all
the more for my weakness and help
lessness.
How did it begin? l can hardly
tell. 1t is just like trying to recall
some terrible dream. l don't know
how | felt it. / don't know what it
is even now, this black trouble; but
l have not my husbands heart. l say
he pities me !; he is so good that he
would love me little if he could
Oh! what is it? Did / show so
plainly that loved HIM, that he mar
ried me out of his great generosity
Oh that can't be- that thought is
too bold and horrible / was child,
but / was not unmaidenly. / thought
he loved mel never dreamed Oh,
my God if even his pity is so tender.
what would his love be
The days get on 1t is all clear to
me-each one makes me see more
plainly. Why have grown to I'M
derstand even the slightest gesture.
Oh! | know too, when the very sight
of me is pang then l creep away.
He loved some woman! Maybe /
shall never know the story. IT it's
right for me, God W Ill set it before
me; if it could not Lelp to guide me,
better not to know.
Then why did be marry me? 1
can't think about that. / only know
that he is good, grand man and his
motive must have been a right one.
He might have made mistake, but
he meant all for the best. / am only
poor, weak little creature, but ]
think God viii show me how to act. /
needed the trial or it would not have
come near me.
/ 1T he ives like many men, / could
tell him what is in my mind. / could
| free him; but that would only add to
bis wretchedness. If he thinks / sui
fer, or even have CLEAN of the truth
he will suffer more.
| Only one thing for me to dol
can do it. Not l, but our heavenly
Fathers strength working in me.
i must be bis child-wife, his un-
thinking bird, content to sing when it
can sooth him, never being conscious
of cloud on his face not only con-
tent but happy with whatever he can
| give
i SO his life will not be utterly
wrecked, he must cling to his profess
sion he make himself as many inter.