davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
LOCAL..
WORTHINGTON. MIMI, APRIL H. ls7S
CHURCH DIRECTORY.

CHURCH DIRECTORY
METHODIST Observation-Disclosures every Sab
bath, morning ut ,o:sn Sabbath School at 3
r. NJ. Services Sal bath evening ut I 30 O'clock
FRAY r meeting Thursday evening. Rev. j. G.
Ogle, Pastor
and evening. SunA " School Immediately after
the morning service. PRAYER meeting Thursday
evening. Rev. II. Z. futile, pastor.
lKEsnYTEE1AS CHURclt-Scrviccs morning
and evening. Sabbath School Immediately after
evcning Ncv: Il: f. Whiis, i f" sS's lnu'suy
MOBILES COUNTY OFFICERS.
AUDITOR-Jamcs walker
TRANSFORMATIONS Thompson.
KEGSrG: or rd Dn a1S- G :ar
CLERK OF COuKr-B. N. Carrier.
SIEKIFF-J. a. Town.
sUEvEYon-,A1len CLANCY. Dcputy-Allcn
NJ. CLANCY.
CouRr CoMMIssloSEK-I. y. 1Iumiston.
COUNTY ATTOKNEr-M. g. Soule.
CoKOSEts-L. H. Bennett.
COUNTY SUrEKINTENDESr-J. G.. VgIc.
COMMISSIONERS.
First District-,Jonathan GOrtlcn, OF Jersey.
Second Di$trict-A. G. Robinson, Of Worthing-
Ihird DislSict-Robt. Shore, of liansom.
CLUB RATES.
lHc ADVANCE Is IurlliSheu at III ~ 4 year TO
Clubs Of ten or more. Clubs of ten for six months
Is cents for each subscriber.
BUSINESS NOTICES..
Notices III local columns reading matter type,
~ GEMS line first Insertion; IL centsa line each
subsequent insertion. To regular advertisers.
half rates.
COME IN AND WRITE Il LETTER.
Farmers in town wishing to write 4 letter arc
invited to call at the ADVANCE office and do 50.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
llEl,SliY DEPARTMENT

NEKSEI TIME TAD1.E-SIOCX CITY & ST, PAUL, r. r.
Going East-2:47 a. m. Going Wcst-ll:T a. m.
3:iS p. III. II 40 p. III
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

Dan. Stone has made himself shi H.
ing example to I'LL his ncighborS, in tile
laying out Of II fine lawil. planting
shade and ornamental trees inclosi,g
his grounds with II tasty fence, ana
otherwise conducting himself like in
cnt"rrrising citiZen.-Rock County
Herald.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
MAPLE SUGAR SOCIAL

MAPLE SUGAR SOCIAL.
The ladies of the Union Congrega-
tional Church will give a Maple Sugar
Social on tomorrow friday evening
in the basement Of the church. Il cor
dial invitation to all.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

LARGE LANDSALEs.-We learn tlE.t
the st. Paul & Sioux City Railroad
Company has sold 80 ,OHO acres of land
near Heron Lake to- Red Wing colo
ny; and to the Druius' Colonization So
ciety 10000 acres near Graham Lakes.
and TO Bishop Irelan.i's colony $4,000
additional! acres near Auri;n.-Jack-
son Republic.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

Mamie IIumiston is the first sweet
little girl to bring us Il boquet of prai-
rie flowers this spring. Who'll he the
first sweet big girl?
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
The most popular, best, and lowest priced Music
House in the We,t

DO not neglect a Cough or Cold. I2levts Ex-
tract OF Far and Wild Cherry i>a stran lard rem
edy and VIII cure cough in half the time re.
CURED by orui::ary remedies. In asthmatic
ana bronchial affections, and ali throat and
breast diseases. it is Il truly great medicine and
has saved many valuable lives. 1t never fails to
give satisfaction. Sold by all druggists.
There is no earth|y boon more precious than
good health, and it bec.'meS $ pOSsesSor to en-.
deav"r to retain it. II you are assai}rd with
such provoking Ills ;lS sick headaches, torpid
liver sour stomach ard / general feeling Of weA
rtnesS and disgust don't 70 AM. commit suicide,
but take Ellerts Daylight Liver Pills and be
cured.
Dr.. ,Winchcls TeetNing Syrup Is 4 safe and
sure Remedy for Dilrrho,a, DySentery and Chill
drcn's Complaints generally, itshoud BE- III eve
~ house where there are Children. Mothers
give l; ! trial; it has been 4 blessing to thous-
antls. Sold by all druggists ut 25c 4 bottle.
Distempers. Coughs, Colds, Feycrs and most
OF the diseases which Horses, Cattle Sheen
Hogs, and Poultry are subject to are readily
overcome and cured by Uncle SANS Condition
row,!er according to the plain directions. Sold
by all Druggists.
Try Uncle Sans Nerve and Bone I.iniment for
ishe'matism Sprains, Bruises. &C. Sold by all
Druggists.
Uncle Sans Harness OIL is superior to any
DINER prepare ion ever made for Oiling lea her
and harness. it will make the oldest leather soft
and piiablc is when new AMI put on a good tin.
ISL: Sold by all Harness Makers and dealers in
leather.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
Third Avenue HOTEL

j. w. SIMMONS, Proprietor.
Persons stopping at Worthngton will find it
to their advantage to stop at this House. Set u
House in Southwestern Minnesota, and at half
price.
Corner Ninth Street and Third Avenue. Wor-
Ellington, MINI. 6.3l-ly
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

Prevention is better than cure. Check
a Cough OF Cold at once which may lead
to Consumption, by using DR.. Mar
shall's Lung Syrup. an old reliable rem
edy winch never fails. Price only 25c.
Sold by d. S. Law.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
o that Beautiful Shore song on chorns

Q that beautiful Shore, song on chorus 40c
sweet Long Ago, song and chorus 4Oc
VIII Mother Know me in the Sky, song &; cll 3jt.
Don't Drink, my boy Tonight, song & CHI. csc
Dear little Colleen, Irish song and chorus 4Uc
Letter IN the Candle, very popular sng 4 ch SOC
anne Laurie, Scotch song. Soc
Crimson Sunset wa t. 90,
Beautiful Blue Danube waltz SOC
III fiji waltz ar
Banner Quickstep 2ik:
Bulgarian March 33c
,apy snow Gali,p 40c
nocneStef ScnottlSchc SOC
Old Oakcn Bucket Variations 5Nc
The above Is pieces OF select and really choice
vocal and Instrumental music. popularity arrang-
Ell for the Organ or li'lo, and amounting At
publishers prices to S*5 is, for - so. Your
choice, amounting to 81 IS for 81; the same, a
Tor -, sent prelaidfor cash with urdcrtO any ad-
dress.
Splendid 9stop Organs only s75
Splendid l2:Stop Orgal:s, with grand organ
swell, etc, only 500.
Good reliable Pianos. with makers namc full
grand scale. very line instruments, Only $50.
All Pianos and Organs first class and fully
Warranted by their makers for five years.
Jesse White, Jr.,
Rochester, MINI,
The most popular, best, and lowest priced Music
House in the IT,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
Gf)T.E'

Elsewhere appears the double COL
umn ad. Of &. St. John Cole, dealer in
everything III the Hardware line. Mr..
Cole makes a specially of STOVES, but
furnishes everything else from carpet
tack up, Tinware, Glass, Paints, Oils,
etc. Since he opened out last fall his
business has been stealily growing,
and we can recommend him to every
ADVANCE reader us a reliable business
man with whom they cannot fail to he
suited us to quality and prices.
NOTICE.
Charley Chase is prepared to do all
kinds OF Dlacksmithing, Wagon, Buggy,
plow and Machine Repairing in first
class style. on short notice. He has
cmplt yetl Mr.. james Monroe, formerly
of Quincy, ILL.,, apractical Wagon Max
er that has had experience in all kinds
OF wood work. Call and examine his
work which will prove his Mechanical
skill. All work warranted, done in
first class style.
Very respectfully yours,
&. G.. CHASE.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
1IlEI TILS.

r. NJ. Porter and M. J. Fish, from
Iowa, l;aye arrived and are looking for
land. They expect to locate about Gr;,-
him Lakes.
J. y. Brown, of Saltwater, has arriv-
cd and is looking for land.
IN. Baker, Of Monroe county, Wis,
has arrived and filed on IL claim III the
northwest town Of the county.
W. Il. MARITIME, a printer from the
Job Department Of the Minneapolis
Tribune, has arrived and IS looking for
land in this vicinity. We tender him
the freedom of the pr1iries and of the
ADVANCE office.
S. +. Miner, brother to Capt. Miner,
has arrived from Fillmore county, with
ayiew to making improvements on his
farm.
Alessrs. Murphy, brothers, one of
whom comes from Trenton, N. J. and
the other from Philadelphia, are here
looking for a location.
T.. Croft, Of Washington county, has
arrived and purchased lumber of Eos
ter & Shepard, for house on his claim
in the northwest town of the county.
DR.. Heistand has arrived from Kill
bourn City, Wis, and gone to his farm
near Adrian. The Doctor reports a
number Of persons from that part of
Wisconsin as expecting to come to this
county.
The following parties have arrived
and have been located by Crandall &
1loyt: +. Brown, Saltwater; j. Baker,
Wisconsin; Join Keena, Rochester,;
VIM. Conner, Kalamazoo, Michigan;
L. Chase, Eau Claire, Wis.
Charles w. Whitney, commercial
traveller for the Grocery House Of
Beaupre s. Co., st. Paul, died on
Thursday last at the Worthington IIo-
tel, of inflammation Of the bowels. His
remains were sent to St. Paul on
Thursday night, and thence to his for
mcr home at Manlius, N. Y. MI.
Whitney WAS member of the knights
of Pytllias and Of the State association
of commercial travellers, and was the
first member of the latter association
who has died.
In this connection, the friends of
DR.. Craft will be pleased to read the
following dispatch from Messrs. Beau
pre- & Co. After Dr. Hart returned to
Sioux City the friends Of Mr.. Whitney
dispatched to St. Paul for a physician
and the following dispatch was receiv-
in reply:
| DR.. Hand says he knows DR.. Craft to
he very reliable physician. Isgood rs
can be got from here. Drs. Hand,
Smith or !'cardman could not possibly
90. Tried our best to have them.
| BEAUPRE ALLEN s. KEOGu.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11


All fur :; 20, invariably in advance.
Parties no prefer it can have the ADVANCE
and til" ST. Paul Weekly Globe for :. Is, The
ADVANCE aud the Prairie Farmer for IS %, with
ll. Cook Book.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

PHYSICAL Il SURGEON,
Special attention given to Surgery and the
treatment Of Female Di,c:lScs; ;,,in:5 had ten
years experience.
Also Surgeon of the Sioux City & st. Paul and
WOrthngton y 81 NIX Falls Railroads.
Supplied with full eases If Surgicalnnd ObStct
ricl Instruments, and Fracture HpplncrS
OFFICIAL Residence, corner vi Fourth Ave
~ ',' WOEY1iINtiToN, MINI.
Is Ally.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
Real Estate AQenCv,

The following Lands offered for sale by tho
nnuerSl!hed, are some Of the choicest Lands in
:. ". Minnesota: bling selected IN the early
settlement Of Mobiles County, and now owned
principally by nonresdents. will be sold. with
me improvements. at prices generally below
that OF the wild X. II. lands TN same locality:
100 acres near HjgelOw station.
ton, choice quarter close to market. lGO III
in Elk, good buildings and other improvements,
4 desirable farm, ltm ito in Elk on Sec. L. h;U in
DcWa!;!: good Hlow and meadow land, also 50
acres Joining above. Also& acres on Sec. 10 in
lcwald. l6o in Olney, X mile from Miller sta
ton: - in Graham Lakes Township, beautiful
~ StUate tt OH Lakes S. in same Sec.
ne above lands are offered ut from ESQ to
so 90 per acre.
Twill also attend to the payment Of taxes &c.
for nON-rcSidentS.
CORRESPONDENCE Solicited
6-23-lw] HUMISTON, POPE & co.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

U'OR1HINGI'ON MI RKJsIY.
WHEAT, SiG3 ST.
FLOUR " b!,]. 5 " CO 90.
BARLEY, ESQ SC.
OATS 81 bushcl, 22@30c.
CORN, 2-@33
BUTTER. 15c@l2xc.
EGGS 81 doz., l0c.
LUMBER
First e 'mm"n, ::22@0s+, per m.
Svcnnt| Common, $-UQtS!-.
Tin,hriS, S1tMtsS.
Shingles *!Fns 80.
Flooring, S:22s0DS;6.
Siding, j., 0S6.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
Weed, the de;,d-beat, who took Man.

Weed, the dead-beat, who took Man.
kato in, and played the role of IL heavy
eastern capitalist ut Winncbago City,
under the name OF Magee, appeared in
Wortllington on Friday last. lie ill.,
quircd for our friend B. w. Pope, of
Summit Lake, Of whom he must have
heard while sojonlning in Martin coun-
ty. HoWcll's description of the Miss
issippi River gambhr would lit pref y
well for II description Of Weed:
"ricturcsque rascal he was, with long black
hair and mu>tavhcs,
And black slourh hat drawn down over his vii.
Eillous forehead"
After all, Weed is no worse than
s me Of the home dcad-bcats which
Worthington has been tolerating for
the past few years. 1t is absolutely as
tonishing what IL brazcn-faced de ID
beat can do to get money out of a COM
munity and to ''chcek it through" long
after everybody knows he is IL rascal.
The Sil'lty Postman has given ND the
ghost. It's the old story Of two trying
to live where there is only bread for
one, Csceo]a county can support one
good newspaper ut present. and. no
more: The rostman started out bril-
l'antIy; but it was forced to yield to the
incNortble laws Of supply and demand.
Mr.. Lindsay will take an interest in
the Worthincton Journal and Mr..
Chapman will go into the newspaper
business at st. JAMES. May success
attend them both.-Spilit Lake Bca-
con.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
U.I
BANK OF W03TH|MGT0N.

ElluU SMITH, Banker. A. NJ. SMITH, Cashier.
Agents for Sale o. E2nii-oasl Cc,.l,a-
ny'~ Town Lots.
Drafts Bought AMI Sold. Special attention Civ
Ell to collectors.
Office Hours from Q to IL Il, ~, and from to
O'Clock, y. III. t2o1iy.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

TIE BRANCu.-A Lu Verne CORE
spondent Says:
The contractors are pushing forward
the work Oh the extension of the Wor-
Ellington and Sioux Falls railroad very
rapidly. The iron and ties for the first
five miles are already ut Beaver Creek,
and tie railroad will he ready for them
in a few days. by the sixth day of Ju-
ly the cars will he running into Sioux
Falls.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
JOSEPH CHADWICK,
Register Of Deeds,

Worthington, MOBILES County, Mimi.
:. Has the only complete set OF Abstract Books
In the county.
Will furnish abstracts OF title, pay taxes for
nOn-residcntS, procure land patents, etc.
Keeps u supply of Blank Deeds, etc. Gives es-
pecial attention to executing and acknowledge
~ Deeds, Mortgages, etc. Correspondence So
1cited [6.l4ly
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

COME IN and VRI7I; 4 LETTER.
Farmers in town wishing to write letter are
invited to call at the ADVANCE Office and do So
Writing materials free.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
SO MUCI! FOR 50 LITTLE.

SO MUCH h'OR SO LITTLE.
We will send the
-. Paul Weekly Pioneer. Press worth 800
TIL" Wortilin.tnn ADVANCE worth 3uU
The New Mp II the Northwest worth q,
And The Advance Cvuh Book worth Is
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

GEO. o. MOORE,
PHYSICIAN AND SURG EON,
Graduate OF Ann Arbnr, Michigan. Residence
on lNth street below tl,,: pubc li:til. Ofilce 1T
the Colony Dr,lg Store, opposite tile WOrthing-
ton Hotel, Worthngt0n, MINI.
Will attend promptly TO all Calls, day or
1tiQht. [27ly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
Second Avenue Bakery and
Restaurant.

MISS SUE 3. LANGDON, Prop'r.
Bread, Cakes and Pies furnished Cold and
warm meals. Confectionery, Canned Fruits
Lemons, Oranges, Tobacco, Cigars, etc.
Second Avenue, between Ninth and Tenth St.
WorthingtOn, MINI. G3l Nv
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11

The temperance ticket triumphed at
the recent Winnebago City election.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
Gu RATES.

ClO 6 IL NGlISs
The ADVANCE is furnished at 81 so 4 year to
Clubs Of ten or more. Clubs Of ten for six months
Is cents for each subscriber
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
ADVERTISING RATES.

ADVERTISING RATES.
One inch three weeks $500, three months, 800
Three inches weeks 500 " S.M
Five Inches " Goo - 1000
Special rates given for larger advertisements
Special notices, first week 10 cents y line; sub
scAucht Insertions cents Il line each week.
transient advertisements paid in advance.
Yearly advertisements to Nc paid quarterly
Legal advertisements to be paid for before ;lf!l
davit is given.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
Wprthiuotc,1 Advante.

Terms Two Dollars per year, invariably In ad-
vance. Al! orders will receive prompt attention.
:, communications intended for publication must
w accompanied by the real name and address OF
eSSarily for pui)iicafion
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-04-11
r GRAF, I4I. -,

RI iISIf'I.i.N.
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1878-08-31
Democratic Conservative County
Convention.


In pursuance OF call Of the Executive Com
mittee. the Convention assembled in the Court
House promptly at ten O'Clock, Saturday
August H. 1873, and was called 10 order by
Chairman of Executive Committe. j. W.
RIDER was made temporary Chairman, and
L. \. MONTAGUE temporary Secretary by
uusninyous vote.
A C!mnittee on organization was appoint
ed by the Congenton, consisting If one from
each ptecuct as follows
A. + Yates John T. Colston, T. a. Kir-
wan, Nin j Knott. Singleton Chambers,
Isaac r. Slrider. W. o Norris. a 81. Evans,
J f Wilson, Wm. Butler, J W. Rider.
The ,boye Committee reported the perma-
rcut organization ss follows: Chairman, J.
" Rider Secretaries. L. A. Montague and
W O. Norris, which report was then adopted,
aud the Convention then proceeded 20 select
Con- miitee Oh Credentials, which committee.
after examination. made their report which
was du'y approved by the Convention, except
their report on the order Of business, which
was re"cted by the C1mmioes contested as
fulIoWs
Wa II. Moore. Josiah Watson, Z H. Ro-
berts, Vrn Butler, H. c. Entler. Jas. II.
Moore Singleton Chambers, Joseph heyseT,
jesse .y Graham, w. b. Conrad, J. E.
Wisoni
The .rxt thing in order being nominations
OF ofic.rs, it was moved and adopted that the
nomination Of Clerks be first gone into. 1t
was al-l moved and adopted ;ba. the members
of tbs Convention, aud the candidates before
the Convention. through their ieiends as dele
gates. be pledged to support the nominees,
which vas unanimously adopted.
The Convention then nominated for Circuit
Clerk p Lynch, and for County Clerk
Thoms 4. Moore, by acclamation.
Mr B. C. Washington, present Circuit
Clerk. was greeted with loud applause, when
he rose aud declared that nothing was further
from hs intention than to disturb the bar
mony the party By running as an indepea-
den, ndid4te.
Tie Convention then adjourned until one
o'clocEs at which hou they reassembled, aud
the & being called, tbiriy-seyen delegates
resporsed
o. 9lotiou II was resolved that the Conyen-
ton y i,e for two delegates at time, and after
the seoind ballot to drop from the list the can
didaie having the lowest number.
Tie following names were then put in nom
inaiiO.. Jas Law HooH, John W. Gran
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1878-08-31
He Preferred to Walk.


"She'+ pretty hot ain't sbe2' said back
woods passenger. ailres>ing the engineer of
a Mississippi steamer that was racing with
another boat
50, SO. responded tie engineer. as he
hung an additional wrench ln tHe safety waive
cord to stop the steam from e-caWus
Il reckon we'll over.al- mat craft soon ~
pursued the passenger.
That's about IT, returned the engineer.
giving the cords another twtcl. AMI nal.oing
through the trumpet to tie Erenen to "shove
her mp"
"One hrnd7ed and Din ,y-G7e." hammed
the passenger. locking first at the gauge aof
then al the boilers
That's about where she's rt,iieatiog, put
10 the engineer.
Then the passenger 7an his hogers through
his hair uervouSlv, and walked about the decks
for a few minutes, when be came back to the
engineer and observed:
Hadn't you better leave that boat GOT
Cant doit Must pass her."
"But s'posin We should blow up 2"
well said the engineer as be peeped over
the guard to see how fast be vas gaining. if
it's the Will Of providence for this boat to blow
IN. we'll have 70 stand it, Then he halooed
TO the 6remen to roll up another cask Of bacon
and to mix plenty Of rgsin with the ccal and
give her little turpeutne and oil.
The next moment there was a splash in the
river. bat before the yavl could be lowered
the man bad succeeded 10 reaching the shore,
and hail0oed out:
d. Go on with the race. guess I'll walk y
Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1878-08-31
The Old Family Journal.
VARIETY

".Joe, I've a great mind to blow my brains
ont" Why don't you ?" said Joe " nobody
would ever know it"
Why ought poultry keeping to be a mos;
profitable business" Because for every grain
you give a fowl it gives peck
Here is your writ Of attachment" said a
town clerk, as be handed a lover marriage
license.
The sizo Of Paris bonnets growing less. bot
the sighs Of husbands grow larger at the
price.
A Ruthland farmer finding potatobug on
bis dinner t,ble, the otI or day, CALCULATED
" Good heavens Have you got 10 have your
potatoes cooked this year"
1t said that barefoot girl in Riichc coun-
ty the other day kicked tramp out Of tho
house, and an observing mule went behind
barn and wept.
After all. agriculture Is the surest road to
wealth. An Illinois farmer plowed up an iron
pot containing ten thousand dollars in gold
Pow deep.
A ST. Joe editor bad an article beaded
Wha, Is it we drink p and a rival editor
went over 10 the nearest saloon and ascertaiued
tina, it was unusually clear corn Juice.
4 Rochester mar hung sign 10 front Of
his place Of business which reads Twenty
five loafers wanted e. stand here" They don't
stand there.
A Minnesota father. who has fye grown-up
daughters, has sued the county He claims
that biz residence has been used as court
house for the past two years.
d" Madam said a physician 10 a patient.
"you have grown wonderfully thin Of late"
" Yes, doctor" she replied, 81 am getting
more and more emancipated every day"
A student, on reading that notcd nathe-
maticiau had committed suicide by blowing
ont biz brains, remarked, Stuck to trigger
nometry TO the last.
It ia The confession of widowor, who has
been thrice married, that the frs; wife cures a
mans romance, the second teaches hin hu-
mliiy. and tie tbird makes him philosopher
My dear" remarked seD,aiioDsl husband
to bis wife, you see what you ve done I've
swallowed dose Of strycbuine" Lie still.
was h.r comment. or you'll bring il up
again"
person who had obtained free railway
pass asked the road agent il he could not
embrace bis wife" Probably" the official
answered. {" but prefer to see her before
promising positiYely."
a Dnblin car-driver hailed passenger, aud
asked II be wanted 4 car. The latter said
DO" be was able 70 walk. May your
honor long be able, but seldom willing" was
the sharp, but courteous reply.
The Yonkers Gdzste wisely remarks:
When you see a young married man contem-
plating baby carriages with q calm and
thoughtful eye. you may reasonably
infer that the matrimonial sly IS bright, serene,
and Iiitle sonny"
John Binkley. formerly Attorney General
under Apdrew johnson, has closed bis lifes
iiful fever by suicide in lake Michigan. n
the lake is large enough 70 bold him we can
spare him. Goodbye, John
The Burlington Hark(ye says: h" If any
subscriber finds a line in bis paper that he
does not like and cannot agree With, IL he will
bring bis paper to the Office and point out tho
offending line, the editor viii take h's scissors
and cut i c1t for him