Litchfield enquirer., 1878-05-23

A subscriber wrote to a journal to make some inquiries about the next worlds fair, whereupon the wicked editor replied that he was under the impression that the next world wouldn't have any fair.
 Mark Twain told newspaper reporter that he was going abroad in order to find quiet place to write, where he would not be disturb ed once day. It is singular that it never oc- cured to him to remain at home and secure a desk in a store that doesn't advertise.
 Catching California salmon in Kentucky river does not entitle man to the rank of col onel whatever the state papers may say. To be a real Colonel, man must first get himself on the governors staff.
 The usual number of people went to the circus yesterday ''just because the children want to go you know" That grey headed old lie has done duty on circus day almost as long as the freshest circus jokes have been in use, say million years.
 Professor eloquently holding forth to the junior rhetoric class. One of it's members, on the back seat, likewise eloquentlv holding forth to her neighbor) Professor-''I beg pardon, Miss A., I believe interrupted you" Miss A-'Oh, no, not at all had finished"
 PAUcA VERBA.-Robinson (after a long whistbout at the club):-''Its awfully late, Brown. What will you say to your wife ?' Brown Gin whisper): "Oh, shant't say much you know-Good-mor dear or something O that sort. She'll say the rest !'
 The fashion reporter who wrote with refer ence to belle ''Her feet were encased in shoes that might be taken for fairy boots" tied his wardrobe up in handkerchief and and left for parts unknown when it appeared the next morning: "Her feet were encased in shoes that might be taken for ferry y-boots."
 to be answered the Sunpav foll owing 'sHOv many letters does the Bible contain ?' The answer was three million five hundred anl thirty thousand three hundred and thirty three The superintendent says to James, Is that right ?' ''No, sir" was the prompt reply 'sWill you please tell us how many there are, them" ''Twenty- SIX sir"
 The Rev. MT. G., of Stirling, remarked to one of his hearers that he had heard he wal about to be married for the third time. The reverend gentleman added: ''They say, Johr you're getting money with her; you did so or the last two occasions: you'll get quite rich by | the wives" 'Dear sir" quietly responded John. ''what wi bringin' them in, and putin them out, there's nae muckle made O them"
 Learned professors have occasionally beer outwitted by they sayings of the simple. Dr Hill, an Edinburg professor of the last cen tury, met, in the suburbs of the city, an inof | fensive creature who was generally regarded as an imhecile. Somewhat irritated by thu creatures intrusion on the privacy of his walk the professor said to him: ''How long, Tom may one live without brains?" II dinn ken" said Tom; ''how lang hae ye lived yer 1 seP ?"
 Henry VIII, so runs the story, having quar relied with Francis l., resolved to send an am bassador to deliver message to that monarch in the most menacing terms, and appointe' Bishop Bonner to execute the commission The bishop told the king that the embass would cost him his life. Henry replied tha if any harm befel his representative he woul instantly cut off the heads of all the French men in his dominions. ''So you may, sire, objected the bishop" but fear there. is no one of them that will fit my shoulders"
 The Detroit Free Press says that whe Thomas drove up to house on Elizabet Street the other day, todeliTer the usual quar of mixture, the gentleman of the house kindl inquired: Thomas how many quarts of mil do you deliver ?' ''Ninety-cne, sir" s'An how many COWS have you?' Mine, sir" Tn gentleman made some remark about an earl spring, close of the Eastern war, and the stat of the roads, and thenasked: ''Say, Thomas how much milk per day do your cows avel age? Seven quarts, sir" '.Ahum," sai | ho off looked after him, scratched his head, and at once grew pale, as he pulled out shol pencil and began to figure on the wagon GOV CT