The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-09-05
WtT AND HuMoR.

daughter Small POX, and he SAYS that
he gave her that name so that ..when
she was growed UP some Teller would
ketch err
A young gentleman was once
teacher of Sabbath school class, in
which was bright colored boy. The
lesson Was about the beams, ETC., in
they eye. Teacher: Il read here
about mote addressing the black
bow, ''dO you know what mote is -
John (chuckling): "Clar / don't, less
it's niger
A new clerk in a drug store was dis
charged the other day because he did
not know how to look wise, roll his
eyes and say ''seventy five cents
without turning red in the face as he
handed out little powder that had
cost the concern about two cents and
fraction. Emotion and business
don't jingle.
\ skeptic, who. was badgering a
supplemented old man about miracles
and Balaan's ass. finally said: :How
is it possible for an ass to talk like
man WELL replied the honest old
| believer. with meaning emphasis, 81
don't see why it ain t as easy for an
ass to talk like man as it is for
man to talk like an ass
''Brudderin, said an elderly color
ed preacher, in the course Of funeral
| sermon over the remains of one of his
| flock. whose head had been caved in
by the hind feet of a mule-s.Brud-
derin, it am powerful strange dat,
arter mon "A hundred vars Of sastrus
Experiment., IA culled pussOn shud pus-
sist i'll proachin' mule fun de r arr
A man who has been much inter-
ested in the cremation system, said to
his wife: MY dear. | wish you to re-
member that when the Lord calls me
to my reward, ] desire to be cremated
if a suitable furnace is accessible"
Eyes, love- replied his spouse, ..but
when the Lord calls you think he
will provide for your burning.
"Silly moths" The publisher of an
| esteemed contemporary on Mount
Washington prints the names Of young
men at hotels who work off on a hand
press the greatest number of copies of
his paper in given time; muscular
Simmer boarders covetous Of fame
flock to the Office, and thus he saves
the cost of steam engine or mule.
The Coroner Of Kilbarry, ireland.
when few days ago the jury found
that the deceased came to his death
through being gored by bull, called
up the owner of the animal and said
to him stearnly: Il must ask You to
part with the animal. Ship him. He
is not fit to have about the place. If
you sell him here you will likely have
some more Irishmen killed. Shin
him and if he is to kill any person let
it be an Englishman.
An excursionist on board one Of the
steamers that ply amongst the He
brides. annoyed his fellow passengers,
| not withaut sometimes amusing them,
| by his remarks on every object that
presented itself to view. Having OBJ
tanned from the captain the informa-
ton that mountain in sight was
about fifty miles off, he rushed about
the deck exclaiming to one after
another, '.Look at that mountain
Look at that mountain What do you
think! 1t is fifty miles off /! Only think
sir, we see an object fifty miles off,
MAN, said quiet Scotchman whom
he thus addressed, and who had been
not little pestered by him already,
'did you ever see the mune -
A member Of Congress from the
west called on Secretary Thompson
the other day. They had long talk,
and being old friends drifted into
politics. While on this subject the
Secretary said:
do you know ] have but one DO
litical ambitioni e.
"What is thati'' inquired the yisi-
tor. do you want TO be Presiden-
tial candidate -
mo, indeed. replied the Secretary.
II have not the slightest ambition in
that direction
do you want to come back TO Con-
gress -
1.-The Lord forbid have served as
long in that body az desire to"
What Office do you long for, thenf
asked the Congressman
IN tell you. You see during my
life have run for Inspector Of
Public Roads for my county at least
twenty times. and every time j have
been beaten woefully. Now, ! want
to 60 up there and before die secure
that Office in spite Of all opposifion.-