Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1878-01-29

tOur-yeaf-Olu, 10 MS HlOthei hp'olHS
tine baby Say, mama, say Aat
suuawIing little baby seems to sink
'a, : ze only chile you got! I'd give
him back again ?-LOndOn Paper.
It was a Midway (Ky.) druggist
who looked through his vocabulary of
oils. hat failed to find any oil of silk,
s. he understood is lady customer 10
say. She wanted oiled 81 k.
Josh Billings says: The mawl is
a larger hurd than a goose or turkey.
1t has two legs 80 walk with. AMI TWO
more TO kick with, and wears it's wings
on the side OF it's head.
A widow once said to her daughter
"When you arc my sge Il viii be tI
enough to dream OF husband.
Yes. mamma" ," replied the thong.
Iess beauty, for u second time.
4 person leaving a crowded sta.
coach the other day, steadIed himst
bv resting his hands on the knees oi
the paseeuEers. W hat 'aN8ee :"
exclaimed one lady, "Nee," replied
her companion, Hes Paw'nee."
MADAM, did you ever lift dog by
the tail ," why, no, You crnei
thinC. you." II didn't know. he
cause ! Just saw you carry your child
across the gutter by the arm. A dog 5
tail is a good deal stronger than the
ligaments Of b&by's shoulder"
What is the bert remedy" asked 3
preacher Jf "a shrewd observer. for an
iuattentivt- audience ?h Give them
something To attend to-" was the sig
nificant reply. Hungry sheep VIII
look up 10 the rack if there is hay III
it.
Eminent statis;icians have calcuia-
ted that the amount OF ingenuity and
labor expended hy imPecunious t0p+rs
in getting free dcnks would, If devo-
ted to ANY honorable and useful pur-
suit, pay off the national debt III ut
tie more than Six years ard eight
months
PettiugilI says that the first return
ing board" of which he has any rec0i-
lection WaS a shiHgIe III the hands or
his fsther. The three--fatbeE, son
and Ahiugle- ecd To hold frequent
committee meetings in the back shed.
but the returns came III 80 swiftly That
u fair count was ipIprac;icsbie.
II YOU ! AS through the hen-roost
| with careful eye. just now, you viii
! notice 4 sAJHe+s creeping over the
! counteHance Of the old hens. 1t is
not simply the knowledge that they
! must die, but the thought that they
must ne sold for spring chickens after
| they're "lGidn out.
Ma, no IN iae nae mair Irish
! men" ssid 2 Lothian farmer, TO an
! II Hiherniam applicant for work. ''Tbe
! last iva that had iee't un my hand,
| aud I h.d to bury them At M ain eX-
pru.a Och. sur there's no fesrs
I o NE shUre | can yet a surtifiikit
/ ffal.l the bouIe of nae masters that
didn't die wild name O. them"
A gentleman speaking Of his wife
to . friend said i: Before we were
married, she u-ed to say 'hye-bye' SC
eweetly when went down t'ta steps. .
And now what t;0re ehe cay ~ a-krd
the friend on. ja-t the same" eX'
claimed the msn. buy, bay !" - h
see. ." e4id the other ''sh" Cnly eXer
cises Little different speIi' over you
What shsll I give? To the hungry
give food 10 the naked, clothes Il
the sick, some comfort 10 she sad, {
word Of consolation to ali you meet
smile and CHEEKY greeting Give
forgiveness to your enemies give IA
tience 20 the fr-tful :; give love To you
households and, abOYe all, give you
heart to God.
There il something refreshing in tn
absolute ast0ni~hment that visitors il
a printing office sometimes display a
the c0mmOuest things. "What i
that black lonking thing standing vi
in tha. corner ?" il sometimes aske'
10y sn unsophiSticated observer, an'
the nearest TYPO answers, That is tn
y hitting office towel. We alwAy
stand it up in the corner. ."-Er.
A Bridget. evidently new to th
mysteries Of marketing, seeing pp
owl in Gront of pOulterer's stand il
Washington Market Yesterday. said t
its OWNER, What wad ye be askin
for that broad faced goose?" Goose
. that's an owl, WAS the contemp'uou
reply. Ovid it il. you're sayin' .
Shure it's meself that can bile th
bird till it's tiuder !'-N. Y. Tribune