St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-02-08
Before and After Marriage.
BY MRS. HENRY WARD BEECHER.

When young man begins to feel
especially drawn toward IA maiden-and
by more intimate acquaintance this in-
terest ripens into atfectiOu-all the pO-
likeness and respect he can command
will be manifested when in her pres
ence. The best traits of his character
are called out to entertain and honor
her; to draw closer the bond of union
he desires to see established. Both, il
the interest is mutual-perhaps with
no intention or desire of making false
impression-are in that exalted state of
mind which shows them to the greatest
advantage. Particularly is this true as
regards the lover. To crafty the slight
est wish of his chosen no effort is felt to
be wearisome-no labor burden. All
self-denial for his lady love is account
ed as Il Joy and honor. His very life
seems too small an offering.
But how is it when the prize is secur-
ed, and the twain are made one Are
those graceful cOurtesies, sweet ameni-
ties, kind and watchful attentions,
through which the coveted prize was
led to an exalted estimate of the lovers
character, to he continued by the hus-
band, growing brighter and holier as
the Yeas roll on Will the respectful
attention and honor which true gen
tleman yields to tDOnlaR be more scrupu-
lously accorded, he held more sacred,
when bestowed ON the rife "Then
will sweet peace wreath her chain round
them forever" and the love which bud
ded in youth, and grew deeper and
broader with the after years, will be
matured and perfected iu old age, hold
ing them us one till separated by death,
they meet again in that better world
whereof Love is the light.
But if marriage brings indifference,
or feeling of ownership which is sup
posed to exhonoratc husband from all
attention to his wife-to release him
from the cOmmonest which
he dare not refuse to other women, then
there is little hope of true happiness in
that household. The first year of mar
ried life, is doubtless in some respects
the NEST critical. No young people
ever become fully acquainted with each
other during the period of courtship, oI
engagement. There is glamour over
them that hides any disagreeable or in
harmonious peculiarity, and every one
has some, that will not show well in a
strong light. We daily see young peO-
pie accept the mutual duties of the
married state profoundly ignorant OF
the life upon which the have so thought
lessly entered. The husband may I'M
derstand what is right or honorable
among men, but without the first idea,
especially if he has not been brought
up with sisters, of what respect and at
tentiOn wife has right to expect,
and he is bound to give as an honorable
gentleman.
We claim for wives degree of re-
spect and attention beyond what true
gentleman gives any other lady, but
we also claim that wives shall be gov
erned by the same rule. Both should
be atfabIe, courteous and kind to all
with whom they associate, but for each
other there should be deeper respect
and Difference than is ever seen in
their intercourse with others, however
worthy yet in far too many cases po-
liteness and good breeding are folded
away with the wedding finery. But
till the children that are growing up
around us are taught the sacredness of
the obligations those assume whose
hands are Joined in wedlOck, the hor-
ribly disgusting records of cruelty and
crime that fill our daily papers will COLI
tlnue, and happy homes be like angels
visits, few and far between"
Aside from the present misery and
strife, what will be the condition of So
ciety, or of our country, when the chill
dren of these unhappy marriages come
to the front and take their places as
f,f 70 Of
society? If the mother is vain, foolish,
irritable and self-willed, in nowise seek
ing to make home happy, never yield
ing to her husbands judgment or caring
tor his pleasure or if she seeks to live
peaceably and make her family happy
but every effort is met by coldness, in
difference or sneers from her husband,
will not the fruits of such examples be
shown in the future character and lives
of their children
There can be no happy marriages or
happy homes if love, pure and sancti-
fed, is not the foundation. So few
young people know what love is A
little romance, good deal of pride OF
ambition, hOvers about them, and they
call it lOUe. ''Of all the sad things in
this world the saddest is the leaf that
tells what love meant to be, and the
turning of the leaf to tell what love has
been. One all blossoms, the other
ashes; one all smiles and gladness, the
other all tears and sadness. Nothing
is so beautiful as the temple that love
builds; nothing is so miserable as the
service of that temple if God be not in
it.n
"If there be anything that young
welded love should have as it's first
vision, it should be vision of ladder
between the earth and heaven, and the
angels of God ascending and descend