davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21
Wit and H1tD1Or.
Best counter sign-No trust.
A boys first bet-Alpha-bet.
Sweet thing in combs-Honey.

Best counter sign-No trust.
A boys first bet-Alpha-bet.
Sweet thing in combs-Honey.
How to make Maltese cross-Tread or
her tail.
The mosquito, as public singer, draws
well. but never gives satisfaction.
They call a certain Western judge ''Olt
Necessity" because he knows no law.
An exchange says turkeys are raised best
on charcoal. We hope to raise ours on
fork.
A man who had scolding wife, being
asked what he did for a living, replied that
he kept hot-house.
a young blood, recently Tilted by a
Fifth-avenue belle, says he has had enough
of the beautiful's mo- to last all winter.
Why are guide books like handouts :
Give it up? Cause they are made for
two wrists. Take your scissors away from
this.
A person who had been listening to a
very dull address, remarked that every
thirg went off wcll-especially the audi
ence.
A clothier has excited public curiosity
by having large apple painted ON his
sign. When asked for an explanation, he
inquired: ''Ifit had not been for an apple
where would the ready made clothing
stores be to-day?'
''Hurrah! hurrahr' cried a young law
yer, who succeeded to his fathers practice
i've settled that old lawsuit at last"
Settled itr' exclaimed the astonished par
ent. "Why. we've supported the family
on that for the last ten years."
"Why do you suppose - College is
such learned place?" asked one gentle
man of another. Il rather suspect was
the reply, ''that as everybody takes little
learning there with him. and nobody ever
brings any away, the learning accum,l-
!ates."
\ dentist tried his first operation with
gas upon a robust colored woman. After
she had used up all the gas in the office.
she wheeled in the chair and shouted:
Hurry up, boss, and bring ON another
bag of that sweetened wind.''
A shrewd patent medicine man has been
chasing Alex. Stephens around for three
months, trying to draw bead on him with
a pocket camera. He wants him for pre-
face to his advertisement, to illustrate ''be-
fore taking"
A young man just engaged on a ranch in
Truchee, Cal, was set to driving yoke of
cattle, and at noon, when he wanted to
feed them, he was observed trying to un-
screw their horns in order to get the yoke
off the animals.
\ Lowell, Mass, firm recently sent a lot
of bills West for collection. The list came
back, with the result noted against each
name, one being marked ''dead." Three
months after, the same bill got into new
lot that was forwarded, and when the list
came back, the name was marked 'still
dead.'
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21
Modification OF Rell's Telephone.

NJ. Trouve, of the French Academy, has
proposed modification Of Sell's telephone
by which messages can be sent to great
distances. He substitutes for the single
membrane employed by Bell, cube or
octagonal apparatus, each side of which
has a vibrating membrane yielding cur
rent of electricity. By associating all of
the currents produced by these magnets,
there is obtained single intensity which
increases in proportion to the number of
magnets influenced, very much as the in
teEsit. of Grove or Bunsen battery can
be lars ely multiplied by an increase in the
number of cells. BY speading into an in
strument having many membraneous faces
a current Of electricity can be originated
powerful enough to be transmitted on very
long circuits. In this way we may be able
to talS across the Atlantic by cable. 'oF.i7a
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21
BOHEMIAN, MONTANA, THURSDAY, MARCH 21, 1873
think ye were married again." said Mr.
Costello. insinuatinrly.

think we were married again. said Mr.
Costello, insinuatingly.
"'Ah, 60 away now for a taze that ye
are" exclaimed the widow, mussing hel
clean apron by rolling up the corners OF
it.
| Il disremember what it was he said
about seeing any man you liked better nor
him." said Mr.. Costello, moving his chair
little nearer to that of the widow.
HE said, said he,'' answered the widow,
smoothing her apron over her knees with
her plump, white hands, Nora SAYS he.
If any time ye see any man ye like better
nor me, marry him. says he.
''Did he say anything about any wan We
liked as we'll as him 90 asked Mr.. Costel-
10.
Il don't mind that he did, answered
the widow, reflectively, folding her hands
in her lap.
Il suppose he left that to yerself?'' pur-
sued Mr.. Costello.
Faith, and don't know then,'' she re-
piled.
do We think We liked me as well as We
did him?'' asked Mr.. Costello, persuasive
ly, leaning forward to look into the wild
Ow's eyes, which were cast down.
"Ah, go way now for taze," exclaim-
ed the widow, Strengthening herself, and
playtully slapping Mr. Costello in the
face.
He moved his chair still nearer and stole
his arm around her waist.
Never you think fm ticklesome, Mr..
Costello,'. said the widow, looking boldly
at him.
s.Tell me-" he insisted, do ye like me as
well as We did him:''
IL most-I most disremember now
how much l liked him." said the widow
naturally embarrassed by such question.
'sWell, then,' asked Mr.. Costello, en-
forcing his question by gentle squeezes of
the Widows round waist, ''do ye like me
well enough as mcself?'
''Hear the man," exclaimed Mrs. Cum
miskey, derisively; ''do l like him well
enough as himself:'
''Ah, now, don't be breaking me heart"
pleaded Mr.. Costello. ''Answer me this
question, Mrs. Cummiskey, is yer heart
tender toward me:'
1T is,' whispered the widow; land
there, now, ye have it,
"Glory be to God" exclaimed the happy
lover, and he drew the not unwilling wild
ow to his bosom.
A few moments after Mrs. Cummiskey
looked up, and lis she smoothed her hair,
said, But, JAMES, ye haven't told me
YET iiow-sc hhei ,vr toy.'' s=zs
''Ah, Nora, HE Jewell" answered Mr..
Costello, = the taste av that first kiss would
take away the taste av all the tay that ever
was breWed.'
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21
System in Farming.

There must be i system in every bust
ness if it is to succeed, and whoever ig-
nores clear foresighted way of conduct
ing farming will soon have no farming;
for if he is depending on it for living he
will become bankrupt, or if doing it for
amusement, the drain on capital will be so
heavy as to cause prudence to step in and
end such a losing transaction.
Some men are so opinionated as to imag-
inc themselves competent to manage farm
without any looking forward, and they
will make inadequate preparation for win
ter and have nothing in readiness by the
time it is wanted, and if anything goes
wrong it is laid at the door of some other
than the right person. There is not more
pitiable and contemplate man than the
one who thinks himself smarter than any
one else, and yet runs around seeking to
charge all his shortcomings to others while
he alone is to blame.
There are men who are too stingy to
make good fences or properly repair those
which are rotting or tumblihg down, and
who yet talk of being stock farmers, and
they will buy grade short-horns, grade
Jerseys, mongrels of all colors and sizes,
and expect the public to admire their ami
mails and believe them to be something su-
pelior. Now by using pure-bred bulls and
raising the calves, improvements could be
made in these grades, but those niggardly
souls will begrudge the trouble to raise the
calves, and either sell them for veal or let
them 60 with the COW to dairy-man.
System woult raise all the heifer calves,
and by using good bulls each generation
would become better. Or, any man with
sufficient capital would commence with
some really good pure-bred stock, and
breed aud sell tirst-class animals, and thus
conduct the breeding on system of con-
tinually selling at double and treble the
price of common stock and gaining extra
profits. System, too, will cause any man
ofintelligence to have every department
methodically conducted, and not to have
anything delayed or capriciously changed
from the rotation or regular course. But
the miserable, shiftless farmer will have a
piece of plowing in the middle of mead
ow and field of corn or grain with no
fence between it and the pasture, and then
every neighbor will be complaining of in
jury from stock through the bad fences.
He will also be so simple as to attempt to
fatten, in the winter, cows which have been
in milk and have lost their flesh and per-
haps some coarse, thin, big-boned steers.
"A Working Farmer, IN Rural Neao Yorker. |
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21

Inquiry into the wicked ways of Phila-
delphia's mock auction men reveal that
they hired two or three women to attend
the sales, carefully inspect articles that
were to be sosd, start the bidding at the
articles cost price, and run itup among
themselves until an outsider put in bid.
It was then promptly knocked down-to
the outsider. -'s 49, assf fGqs7
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21
Advice to Bachelors.

''Every dog has his day." and so has the
bachelor. In all this weary old world there
is no creature more hopelessly forlorn than
the unmarried man who has outlived the
pleasures of his youth, and finds himself
jogging alone-with ever-increasing speed,
despite gout and rheumatism-down the
sunset slope Of life. While the bloom OF
youth was on him he was gay gallant,
whom maneuvering mammas and marri-
ageable daughters followed, flattcred,
sought and sued;" but when he enters the
sere and yellow Leaf, and people find out
that he is a confirmed old bachelor who
positively will not marry, then female flat
terers drop away, mater .tamilias become
devoted to younger and more eligible
beaux, and the girls turn up their noses at
him. So the social ties of ''lang syne" are
one by one severed and no new ones come
to take tteir place; then he flies to his
club for companionship, but even there he
must stand aside and play second fiddle to
younger rivals. In short, he finds himself
at fifty acomplete social failure, and it does
not help the matter any when he realizes
too late that it is all his own fault Having
been rendered douDly vain and selfish by
over-adultation in his halcyon days, he
still bankers restlessly after admiration,
and were he less conceited he could dis
cover with half an eye that his fancied
'.friends" do not care straw for him, that
they use him only as suits their own pleas
ures, and that behind his back they hold
up his fOibles to ridicule. And it serves
him right, too, for he has neglected his
Heaven-appointed mission in life-that Of
making some woman happy, and building
up solace for his own and her old age in
the shape OF home and family ties, and
children to rise up in his declining years
and .'call him blessed" If Longfellow's
idea is correct, that
No one is so accursed by fate
No one SO utterly desolate.
But some heart. though unknown,
Responds unto his own,
then there is somewhere desolate and
dried-up old maid, stranded upon the rug
ged sands OF time. whose life is as barren
and bleak as his own-all because he neg
lectcd to find and marry her. Oh, you
Grabbed old customer! you selfish, and sin
ful bachelor, we call upon you to repent
and turn from the error of your ways ere
it is everlastingly too late and you become
so chronically sour and snappish and Alto
gether disagreeable that no woman in the
world will have you. Besides. you are
losing all the real sweetness of life and are
purruing an ignis .fatuus of fancied pleas
ure which will inevitably leave you at last
to founder hopelessly and alone through
the morass Of regretful old age. Matri-
mony may not at all times present .'paths
of peace" but in the main sits ways ere
the ways of pleasantness," and of two
''evils it isalways wise to choose the least
is myth when
man or woman has passed the rubicon of
middle lie, and since ..misery loves CON-
pany," even occasional ''doable wretched-
ness" Is preferable to continual solitary
F. Chronicle.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21
POETRY.
True nten tBnent.
BT MALCOLM TAYLOR.

Br MALCOLM TAYLOR
Would Man contentment realize
And satisfied remain,
ii mat which is were otherwise
And he each wish attain,
Would he be truly happy, had
He what his heart does covet?
Could any one state keep him glad
Ii he saw one above il?
Man is being prone to find
Fault with the things that are
Who still keeps wishing in his mind
For something better far;
let had he what he does desire,
Soon, sated with the same,
He of his very bliss would tire,
MonotonOus and tame
How many hours of hopes and sighs
In warnings vain are spent,
Thinking if we could gain the prize,
That we would rest content;
But when We reach the wished-for end,
And see one still beyond,
We soon are anxious to extend
To that which looks more fond
Still it is best such is the case,
For, were We satisfied
With things we have, each in its place,
And had no wish denied,
Not any progress would we make,
Nor from one stage advance,
Ofbetter comforts to par;ake,
Our pleasures to enhance.
Contentment true is using right
The means we have TO bless,
While living in expectant sight
or fgreater happiness;
Anticipation is a bliss
That each one can enjoy,
Though in fulfillment they NAV miss
That which ,heir hearts would cloy.
Growth is the common law of earth,
Change is rule of life
And, being of a finite birth
Our forms with faults are rife.
Pcricctionis godly grace
Beyond the human scope,
And, running an eternal race,
We still must yearn and hope.
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21

In response to resolution of the House
inquiring what amount has been paid out
by the Treasury of the United States on
account of interest upon bonds held by ma
tional banks, the Secretary OF the Treasury
transmitted to the House yesterday state
ment showing that from July l. 1863, to
January !, 1878, IL ere has been paid out on
that account:
Coin interest. .$2l1 .27S. .97l Al !.
CurreucY. cY........~.......-...... 5 0,5d8. .2Sa 36,
Total, ... -. .sel9, ,ss7 $500
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21
Whole N O., 33 0
Man, s Better-H0Zf.

Hats are larger. aud bonnets smaller
than ever.
''Will the coming woman lecture Y' asks
contemporary. If she marries she
will.
Dancing dresses for..young ladies hava
short pointed trains, that are easily man.
aged.
The wife Of a South Boston man left a
hot pie in her husbands chair. Well
that all?
The ladies are all opposed to the tele-
phone. They don't care to have young
fellow whispering in their ears with his
mouth twenty miles away.
Sally said a fellow to a girl who had
red hair, keep away from me. or youth
set ME on fire." ~Don't fear" she ans
wered, you're too green to burn"
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21
The Avant Courier.

VIM. w. AldersOn. Matt. w. Anderson.
ANDERSON & SON, Publishers,
Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21

WATCH WORK A SPECIALLY
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-07-06
\ Horse with "A Snake Eye,

\ horse with snake in his eye was in town
last week on exhibition at the stable of the
Knapp house The reptile Is comfortably 10.
Gated in the watery humor of the left eye, Is
about three feet in length, perfectly formed. of
"A white color ana about the size of an ordinary
danng needle. Ii is plainly visible, and is
constantly on the move, wriggling and twist
ing in every direction. Its presence does not
seem To annoy the horse IN the least, and has
evidently created no inflammation in or about
the eye II has, however, changed the color of
the eve ball, it being lighter shade than that
of the right eye, and has affected the sight
somewhat The snake was first discovered
about two months since, when it was some
what smaller than it is now. How it came in
the horses eye is question which puzzles SCI
cntists. The horse is owned by a gentleman
residing at Clyde, and will probably prove to
be a very valuable animal.-PHa IAN Express.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-07-06

fitted away presently, and gave myself
good mental shaking up, and concluded my
fools paradise would soon have vanished If
had undertaken to make an odd lady" out Of
Mamie.
Johns wrath was loud and violent He X
haustcd all the vtupcraivc language in the
dictionary and then sat down, painting and tu
rious.
Come, now" said, what Is the objection
to young Bruce? Is he poor"
NO confound him, He inherits his grand.
fathers property, besides what his father will
probably leave him.
rs he immoral? '
II never heard sO'
"What does all him, them"
Nothing, but have set my heart on Nan
MES marrying you
well, you see She has set her heart in anotI.
er direction, and | strongly object to a wife
who is in love with somebody else
What on earth sent the puppy home:"
Love for Mamie | imagine Come, John
you won't be my tatherin.law, for | will not
marry Mamie if YOU are ever so tyrannical,
but we can jog along as usual the best of friends
-lookn
pointed out of the window rs spoke On
the garden walk, shaded by great oak tree,
Walter Bruce stood, looking down at Mamie
with lOvc-Iightcd eyes Her beautiful face, all
dmplcd with smiles and bushes was lifted
up to meet his gaze, and both her little hands
were fast prlsoned in his strong ones.
John looked. His face sottened, his eyes
grew misty, and presently he said
How happy she is, Lawrence
And we will not cloud her happiness,
john" answered. This is right and fitting
Mamie is too bright Il May flower to be wltcd
nv hpinr tip1 I'M IN an old Dpcan hnr Inp III. -
me"
So when, half fearful, the lovers came in
they met only words of affection and Nannic's
face lost nothing of its sunshine
She was the loveicst Of brides few months
later, and wore the diamond parurc | had or
lered for my bride AT her wedding. And she
is the most charming little matron imaginable,
with AL her old freaks merged into sunshiny
and her husband is proud, hap.
oy man, while Pm Uncle Lawrence to the Chll.
lren and the warm friend of the whole family. |
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-07-06

We have recently heard of IA new swindle
which, although the swindlcd parties were not
farmers, illustrates the danger of dealing with
strangers. In this case there was genuine
sale of land, the party buying 100 acres ofpoor
land for which he paid $500 in cash. He then
made sham sale OF it to a confederate for
$4,000 Five thousand of this is supposed to
be paid in cash and notes are given for the re-
naming 5000. secured by mortgage on the
land, and the mortgage is regularly recorded.
These notes are then turned over To "A third par
~ who goes Ia some city bank asks for a loan
0fperhaps 81 900, and offers the notes and mort
cages as collateral security. The officers of
the bank telegraph 10 the Recorder of the
county and get a reply that such a mortgage is
recorded. and they let him have the money. OF
course the notes and mortgages are never called
tor, and when the bank undertakes To foreclose,
the trick is dlscovered-Olio Farmer.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-07-06
AARC ANTONY's ORATION OVER C4ESAR

rHE TEXT FROM WHICH SHAKESPEARE WROTE HIS
VERSION.
Friends, Romans, countrymcni Lend me YOU
ears;
Twill return them next Saturday. | come
TO bury Caesar, because the times are hard,
And his folks can't afford to hire an undertaken
The evil that men do lives after them,
IN the shape of progncy who reap the
Benefit Of their life insurance.
So let ii be so with the deceased.
Brutus hath told you Cesar was ambitious.
What does Brutus know about 1t?
II is none Of his funeral Would that it were!
Under leave Of you come TO
Make a speech at Caesars funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and Just to me;
lie loaned - once when was in pinch,
And signed my petition for Il posiocC.
Eat Brutus told you he was ambitious.
Britas should wipe off his chin
Caesar hath brought many CaptivcS home to Rome
Hho broke rock on the streets until their ran
SONS
Did the general Golfers fill.
When that the poor hath cried, Caesar wcpt,
Because it didn't cost anything and
hade him solid with the masses. Cheers.
Ambition should be made of stcrncr stuil.
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious
Brutus is liar and | can prove it,
lou all did see that upon the Lupcrcal
tdrlce presented him kingly crown
Which he did thrice refuse, because il did not I'll
him quite,
Gas this ambition? Yet Bruus says he was am.
bilious.
Brums is not only the biggest liar in the country
But ne is a horsc.thcf of the deepest dye iD.
Digis,.
e you have tears prepare to shed them now
LUpghtcr.I
lou all do know this ulster.
lrememhcr the first time ever Caesar put il on.
III was "A summers evening i'm his tent
Alth the thermometer registering 9Oo in the
shade.
But it was an ulster TO ice proud Of,
And cost him 81 III Marcalus SwartZmcycr's,
Conner Of Broad and Ferry streets, sign of the
red tlag,
Sid Swart, wanted $40 for it,
But finally came down to -, because II was Caesar.
Vas this ambitious? II Brutus says it was
Ic is even greater liar than Mrs. Tilton
LOoki in this place ran Caesars dagger through
Through this the sun Of a gun of Brutus
stabbed.
And when he pluckcd his cursed steel away,
Marc Antony, how the blood of Caesar followed 1t!
Ith''fs d,I rrt,s, "Gj'e as sOH,cihiHg on the
83rr BW" "HH him aqaia," ,ic
come not friends, 10 steal away your hearts.
{ am no thief as Brutus is.
Brutus has monopoly Of all that business,
And If he had his deserts lac would be
iu the prnitcnliary, and don't YOU forget IT,
Kind friends, sweet friends, do not wish TO stir
You up
To a sudden food Of mutiny.
aud Il looks like rain.
The pail bearers will please place the coffin in the
hearsc
And we will proceed to bury Cesar
Got 20 praise him.-OR CHy Derrick.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-07-06
NAN ME.

/ cannot sci down in so many words just
when or how il came 10 be understood between
by partner, John Stllman and myself that
vas TO marry his daughter Mamie when she
IA, old enough ! have vague impression
slat she va, in long clothes at the time We
EIst talked of it.
Her mother died when she was a little girl
and old Mrs Stillman took her home 10 the
Emily house at Owls Corner, one of the pref
test little villages | ever had the good fortune
y see. But Mamie was Is when first met
ltF Us q woman, and this was the scene of our
meeting.
John had sent for me to come TO Owls Cor.
Der on certain July day, promising To drive
over 10 the station and meet me, as my elderly
srgs covered the ground but slowly. We had
-piired from business rich men both, some five
years before, aud oorresponded regularly
But had been abroad, and this was NV first
visit 20 Owls Corner in ten years. rcmem-
lser-d Mamie as a romping child, fond of
swinging on the gates, climbing up grape.
zrbOrs, and imperiling her neck fifty times a
day. John always saying ON each occasion
~She's a little wildebut she'll get over that
7 waited al the station for half an hour
then. seeing no sign Of John, started 10 walk
home. II was midday and fearfully ho, and
when / accomplished half the distance turn.
cd of the road and started through a grove
that gave me a longer walk, but thick shade
4 was resting there on broad stone. complete.
" hidden by the bushes on every side, when
bard Johns voice:
@Syhere have YOU becnt"
There was such dismay and establishment In
be rolce tina, l looked up In surprise, to find