Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1878-02-27
Babies.

W always ulu ublt Oll babtS.- A
fact, we were baby once ourselves.
Or rather were babies, as we were
twins. We called our Ma Louisiana,
because she was run by dual govern
ment. There are numerous kinds of
babies. Some are white, and some are
not quite so white, and some are black
Then there are doll babies. Rag babies
are the fayorites of the Greenback
party. Then, again, there are wax ba-
bies. We were whacks babies, because
our mother whacked us so much when
we were small. But we are not proud.
China babies do not wear pig-tails, or
blue shirts, neither do they spin. There
is vast difference between China and
Chinese babies. No one ever saw
Chinese baby. Perhaps our love for
babies arises from the fact that we never
owned a baby, or ever had a part inter
est in one. A mother always has
part" interest in one when she tries TO
comb its hair. When we feel lonely,
we Just borrow our neighbor's baby TO
cheer us up, We don't feel lonely long,
then. 1t is more busy than lonely. 1t
is study to sit and watch a twelve
month old (or young baby enjoying
itself. There is that utter naivete and
reckless abandon about them that we
cannot but admire. There is no hesi-
tation Oh their part in smearing your
with r,plac csac candy or tha
pulling oyer of malachite card-table.
They are imbued with sort of a don't
care-a-continental element that makes
them attractive. We have seen three
hundred dollar watch ruined in two
seconds by an investigating baby. Both
the baby and the watch rolled down 4
flight OF stairs. 1t was our cousins
baby, and we were watching it while
the mother was sewing for the little
heathen. We never took a job like that
on tick again. Both the baby and the
watch We're sent to the dry-docks for
repairs. \ poor man once told us that
when he was respondent, there was
nothing buoyed (or girled) up his spir-
its so quickly as his wife's baby. We
took his word for il. He couldn't give
4 note. Babies have many advantages
and disadvantages. They do not
smoke nor drive fast horses. They do
drive fast asleep away, however. There
is nothing, as yet, invented that will
more effectually rob ''tired natures
sweet restorer" and a feather bed of
their comforts than a chOleric baby.
We used to think we would like to be
chief matron or patron of a founding
asylum. We have changed our mind
now. A visit to the baby show fixed
that. Babies, as fiend in human form
told us the other day, would make good
farmers, as they are so used to signs and
wry faces while being cradled by ner-
yous mothers. Some babies are born
with a silver spoon in their mouths
Perhaps that is why some young men
are so spooney. Itis TO ones advantage
TO be a baby during a riot. But when
free tickets to the circus are being dis
tributed it is very much otherwise.
Were there no babies, the cheering
spectacle of a ninety-five pound man
pushing a coach full Of twins and fol-
lowed by a two hundred and forty
three pound woman, would no longer
be seen on our streets. The soldiers
stationed in cities would, like Othello,
find their occupation gone, and would
mourn for the nurses that were not. 1t
is wise, therefore, that babies are. We
trust they will continue to be. Some
people despise babies. We don't, for
we were taught to ''despise not the day
of small things" A baby does not last
more than ten or twelve years, except
in rare cases. On looking over the
causes of death, weekly, in the city pa
pers, We find there is one thing of
which babies never die-old age.
Hence, the wisdom of being a baby.
Nearly everybody was a baby once.
The only notable exceptions to this
rule are Adam and Eve, old Bill Allen,
the Colorado stone man, Joyce Heth,
Cleopatra, Sergeant Bates and old man
Bender. Your own baby is always a
success, your neighbor's a failure.
..MNles the Slasher."