The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1878-06-25

Inc ulh0 WHO DuIub mousse tnat ne
has not the means to pay for, simply
provides home to run away from.
A resentful man said of tailor whom
he'didn't like, that there was never fit
in his shop unless a customer fell In
one.
We have heard of men making q
hole in the ice 10 be baptized. They
always have 70 break the ioe before they
can get married.
A man who covers himself with costly
apparel and neglects his mind, is like
man who illuminates the outside of his
house and sits within in the dark.
Spain's tenacious grasp upon Cuba is
not surprising. The revenue from Gu
ba is said to be the greatest in the
world from any colony of its size,
amounting to thirty-two million dollars
a year Of exports.
"MIss, will You take my arm?" eyes
sir, and You too" Cant spare but
the arm, MISS" replied the bachelor.
"rhen, said she, II can't take it, as
my motto is Go the whole hog or no.
thing.
"Go ont, young man; she is not
here, said an uptown preacher last Sun
day, in the midst of his sermon, to
youth whom he saw standing hesitst-
ingly in the doorway.
$50 you enjoyed Jour walk, Kate:
did you 90 all alone?" 'Oh yes, man.
4 gsfnl
how is il, Kit, you took an umbrella
and brought home a walking-stick?"
Law. ma, ere heagle." Mamma
(reproachfully)-"A heaglei o, you
nignorant gal w, it's howl" Keep
er OF the menagerie respectfully
Axes parding, mum, tbs an awki"
This was a scene in a London show.
A Yankee humorist was giving an ac-
count of his experience as a hotel
keeper. did you clear anything by
it?' asked a listener "I cleared a six
rail fence getting away from the sher-
in, was the answer.
Mr.. B, did you say, or did You
not say. what said you said? because
c said You said you never did
say what said you said Now, il you
did say that you did not say what /
said you said, then what did you say?
A paragraph is going the rounds Of
the press, explaining on scientific
grounds why girl cannot throw n stone.
II some scientist would kindly point out
what is the safest position the by-stander
can occupy-whether behind or before
when she attempts il, he would be 10
some extent public benefactor.
A Rochester man attempted suicide
by drowning in the canal, n few DAYS
since. He was fshed out, and being
asked by the police Justice the reason
for his jumping into the canal, said: II
haf much droubles; have two womans
10 live init; Won haf vive childers and
Won haf not any; dey stole my moneys,
und want to kill mincsef."
Jersey widower. who had taken
another partner, was seronaded on bis
wedding night. The parties bought
a phonograph, in which was preserved
some the obiurgations Of his first wife,
and when they set il going under his
window the happy bridegroom broke
ont into q cold sweat, aud crawled up
the chimney on a bridal tour.
We have every day TO record the most
terrible crimes, and the informant so
generally winds mp with the words,
"Whisky did il, that we could we'll af-
ford TO have the words sterotyped. The
devil never invented a more valuable
agent than "Sour Mash. Old Crow and
Kentucky Bourbon" TO add 10 the mis-
cries Of the world, and pave the broad
Plutonian ways with human skulls
Iuter Ocean.
Love comes with the Spring. With
the bursting Of the buds and flowers, q
young fellow up in Canton, New York,
| felt the inspiration of the tender passion,
and poured out his soul in 26-stanza
idyl 10 the idol of his heart, as follows:
She leaned alone upon the fence,
And then she hove ~;
And for his footsteps down the lain,
She waited patiently.
And presently he came 10 view,
And then che yelled a veil;
A heavenly howl OF JOY she howlcd
And her bosom swclled a swell.