Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1878-11-07
Vol. XIV. Whole No. 1892. No. Is.
Nasty.
How His Fias.Mo.ey werks.

CONFEDRIT X. ROADS,
| wICH Is IN THE STATE wv KENTUCKY,
| Oct. 10, 1873.
| Isupposed that when we he'd ishOod our
tiat-money that our trubbles wuz over. l
supposed that when the Common Counsel
Nv the Corners he'd ishood q currency
| based upon the good faith NV the Corners,
| and he'd passed an ordinance making 1t
legal tender, that everything wood 60
along smoothly, and that the era Nv pros
perity wich we hev all been lookin for
wood immejitly set in. But it don't work
wuth kuss. We he'd expected to be re-
lieved Nv our indebtednis to Pollock &
Bigler, but unfortunately them disturbers,
with a foresite that Is feendish, hey per-
| sistently refOOsed the Democrisy Nv the
Corners credit for many yeers, so that we
don't owe them anything. And Pollock
remarked vishusly that ef we did owe him
enythine he wood ez soon tax pay in fiat
money ez enything else he wuz likely to
get from US, ez he never expected enythng
enyhow. But we desided to get even with
him. l went to his store and asked for
pare Nv boots.
money do yoo perpose to pay in-the glori-
Gus fat Nv the the present, or the despised
greenback Nv the past?"
''Sir." remarkt impressively, II am too
patriotic not to assist in Citing our new
money into cirkelashun. l shell pay in fiat
NV wich hev plenty and more comm"
"All rite" sed Pollock, perdoosin little
strip NV lether, "them is the boots
"Bvt they is not boots" l exclaimed.
wat kin do with that strip Nv lether3"
''Jist ez much ez kin with yoor money.
Yoo say that peece NV paper 700 hev is
money! say that peece Nv lether is boots.
My word is, trust, ez good ez yoors."
And with a feendish laf he told Joe
Bigler to keep an eye on me and turned
around setlin substanshul boots to a niger
farmer wch he'd nashnel bank notes.
Sadly | went over to Bascom's and found
there the entire Corners discussin the f.
nanshal sityooasheb. There wuZ Deekin
Pogram in his old famllyer chair; there
wuz Issaker a lyin on his back on a rouud
table that the citizens play keerds upon,
and Capt. M'Pelter leann aginst the bar,
all sighin at the scarsity Nv money and the
deprest condlshn Nv industry. 1t wuz
site | hev seed thousand times, and it
meltid me. l determined to demonstrate
that ther wuz one patriot that would re-
speck the laws NV his native place, and
accept her currency.
Gentlemen | sez. firmly, "step up!
Bascom, set 'em up
BascOm he'd bin takin our money for
some days, and he'd bin to Louisville for
likker. He sot out the bottle with a sar-
donic grin that bSded US no good. We
each poured out the likker, however, and
placed the glasses to our respective lips.
1mmejitly every man spitted the likwid out
upon the floor. l turned SICK, for | he'd
incawshusly swallered little NV it.
1t wuz water! The first he'd tasted for
years.
"wat does this mean, sir3" demanded
feercely.
Don't 700 like the whsky?'' wuz his
anser. eZ he glared feercely at me.
Like it, Like it, Why, it's water!'
"Bess your sole" replied Bascom, "why
don't you say its whiskyp The mint you
say its whisky it is whisky. You say the
paper you want to pay me in is dolsr,
jst becuz 700 say it is a dollar, and ::whyin
bloody thunder can't yoo make whisky out
of water by jist sayin its whisky? Gentle
men, this is tiat whisky, and its the only
kind kin git with tiat money. When you
git to payin in the comfortable old green
back. or the modest Bickle, all rite. LII
give yoo the regular old bowe, scorcher.
But the lkker is goin to assimlate to the
money. / learned that word in Looisvi..
Ell you want to pay in fiat money 700 are
gon to git fiat likker. Ef you kin imasln
a peece Nv paper with your stamp onto it
is dollar, you must likewise imasin this
flooid to be good likker, and vice versy.
Parson, this is all you will ever git with
yoor kind Nv money"
And he leened back agiu his bottles with
defiant air, and we sank back terrified.
Where is the end to be? | don't know.
Oh. that Butler wood carry MASSACHUSETTS,,
and git into power, so that his genius Good
solve the problem. Ef Bascom repudiates
the fat-money it is all over here.
PETROLEUM V. Massey, Finanseer.