The Hawaiian gazette., 1878-10-30
The Doctor and the Farmer.

The New York World tells the following
good story:
A doctor named Royston had sued farmer
named Peter Bennett for his bill, long overdue
for attending the wife of the latter. Alexander
III. Stephens was on the Bennett side, aud Rob-
ert Foombs, then Senator of the United States,
was for DR.. Royston. The Doctor proved the
number OF his visits. their value according to To-
cal custom, and mis- own authority TO do medical
practice Mr.. Stephens told his cliant that the
physician had made out his case, and as there
was nothing wherewith TO rebut or offset the
CLAIM the Only thing left to do was to pay it.
No" said Peter Il hired you to speak in my
case, aud now speak"
Mr.. Stephens told him there was nothing to
say he had looked on to see that it was made
out. and it was.
Peter was obstinate, and at last Mr.. Stephens
told him to make speech himself, if he thought
one could be made.
Il will" said Peter Bennett, ''if Bobby
Toombs won't be too hard on me-"
''Gentlemen of the Jury-You and is plain
farmers, and if We don't stick together these ere
lawyers and doctors will git the advantage of u.s.
| amt no lawyer nor doctor, and ain I no OBJ
lection to them in their proper place but they
amt farmers, gentlemen Of the jury. Now this
man Royston was new doctor and l went for
him to come and doctor my wifss sore leg And
be came an put some salve truck on 1t, and some
rags, but never doue it one bit OF good gentle
men of the jury. l don't believe he is no doctor,
no way; there is doctors as is doctors, sure
enough but this man don't earn his money. and
If you send for him, as Mrs. Sarah Atkinson did
for a negro boy as was worth $1,000, he just kills
him and wants pay for it." 1~
Il don't" Numbered the Doctor
aDid you cure him ?" asked Peter, with the
slow accents Of Judge with black cap on.
The doctor was silent, and Peter proceeded
las | was sayIn'. gentlemen of the jury, we
farmers when we sell our cotton has got to give
vaIIy for the money We ask, and doctors amt
none too good to be put to the same rule. And
| don't believe this Sam Royston is no doctor,
nOhoE.H sWH
The physician put 10 his oar. with, Look at
nv diploma, if you think am no doctor !"
aHis diplomat exclaimed the new asdged
orator with great contempt. "His diploma
Gentlemen that Is big word for printed sheep
skin, and it didn't make 10 doctor of the sheep
as first wore 1t, nor does it of the man as now
carries it. 4 good newspaper has more IN it,
aud pint out to ye that be amt no doctor at
ALL"
The man of medicine was now in fury, and
screamed out, ASK my patients if l am not a
doctorl"
Il asked my wife," retorted Peter, "an' she
said as how she thought you wasn't"
ASK my other patients" said Dr.. Royston.
This seemed to be the straw that broke the
camels back. for Peter replied with look and
tone of unutterable sadness
THAT is hard sayin'. gentlemen Of the jury,
and one that requires me to die or to have pow
ers as I've hearn tell ceased to be exercised
since the Apostles. Does he expect me to bring
the Angel Gabriel down to loot his horn before
his time and cry aloud. Awake, ye dead, and
tell this court and jury your opinion of Roystons
practice Am TO go 10 the lonely churchyard
and rap OF the silent tomb and say to I'm as is
at last at rest from physic and doctor-bills, Git
up here, you, and state il you died a natural
death, or was hurried up some by doctorsr He
says ask his patients, aBd, gentlemen Of the jury,
they are al dead Where Is Mrs. Beazly's man
Sam Go ask the worms in the graveyard where
he lies. Mr.. Peaks woman Sarah was attended
by him, aud her funeral was spp'inted. and he
had the corpse ready. Where is that likely Bill
as belonged to Mr.. MITCHELL Nov 10 glory, a.
expressin' his opinion on Roystou's doctorin'
Where ID that baby gal Of Harry Stephens?
She are where doctors cease from trublin' and
the infants are al rest
-Gentlemsn Of the jury, he has eat chicken
enough at my house to pay for bis saive. and
furnished the rags, and don't suppose he
charges for maxim of her worse, and even be
don't pretend to charge for curin' Of her, and l
am humbly thankful that he never gave her
nothin' for her inEsrds. as be did his other pa
tients, for somethin' made them all die mighty
sudden"-
Here the applause made the speaker nit down