The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-08-22

TIE man who refuses to go beneath
the water in submarine armor has divers
reasons for it.
"LET me kick him for his motor, is
what the disappointed stockholders now
say about Keely.
HERES your writ of attachment"
said Town Clerk, as he handed a lover
marriage license.
The whale-oil business is now a great
industry, but Jonah is the first man
that ever went into it.
WHAT are you giving us?" as the
charity collector said when he inter-
viewed wealthy citizen.
PATRICK, this comb wants two new
teeth put in; take it to be mended."
Patrick carried it to the family dentist.
THE musical, merry mosquito,
Most certainly is very neat oh!
For he gives you sharp pain
While he sings sweet strain
Unheedlng the cry, " You must quit, oh !"
THE onl " difference between an ele-
plant with broken ivory and town
in Alabama is, one has loose tusk, sir.
and the other Tuscaloosa.
The fying-machine cannot success
fully wrestle with currents; and the
same may be said of the small boy, If
the currants happen to be green.
CHEAT is mode of motion" heads a
newspaper article. Philosophically it
may be so; but practically it is provoca-
tive Of the profoundest Incidence.
Upon the green sward with my most adored
I sat, and we whispered our love,
While the dear little bird repeated our words
In the great dropping willow above
A modest surprise beamed out of her eyes
AS pressed her dear form to my breast
When dropped from the wiler big caterpillar
Down her neck Just imagine the rest
Two LAWYERS, while bathing at Santa
Cruz the other day, were chased out of
the water by shark. This is the most
fragrant case of want of professional
courtesy on record.-San Francisco
Post.
AN orator who was much in demand in
political campaigns, being asked by an
admirer the secret of his success, re-
piled: "When [ have facts, T give 'em
facts; but when [ haven't, I yell and saw
the air."
IT SIGH for one glance at your rye"
warbled an impecunious fellow, as he
wandered into leading saloon a few
days ago. He got but a "glance," his
range of vision being suddenly trans
ferred to the outer air.
A LITTLE 5-year-oid boy, who had seen
a peacock for the first time, ran into the
house exclaiming to his sister, "Oh,
Lizzie I've seen a great, great big,
tail walking around with a
hen tied to it."
"DID you ever dabble in stocks?"
asked lawyer of witness who was
known to have fed FROM his native land
to this asylum of the free. "Well. YES.
I got my foot in them once in the old
country - was the reply.
A WISCONSIN dentist recently received
the following from patient writing for
advice: "My mouth is three inches
across, fve-eighths through the jaw.
Sum humoky on The edge. Shaped like
a hoss-shoe, toe sorrard. If you want
me to be more particular I shall have to
cum thar.
"DID ever see a flying machine ?"
remarked man with cabbage leaf in
his hat, at the horse market the other
lay. "Well, I should sorter conclude
[ had. You'd just orter seen them fast
rioters of Hen Kellers run away with
;he reaper on the down-hill side of the
field. Fly Well, I should reckon p
Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
MANY, many years ago gentleman
called on Mr.. Hobby, then the most fash
enable, most extravagant, most four !,
shing OF bootmakers. !" 1 bought pair
If straps here last week, said he, sand
hink they turned out shamefully; Twill
lever buy another pair of straps in this
hop!" "Put up the shutters, john"
aid Mr.. Hobby, turning to one of his
men, cts no good our going ON with
he business; this gentleman will never
,uy another pair of sixpenny straps