The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-02-08
L.ason. In travelling.

Lessons In Travelling.
A land hunter from Illinois turned
up st the NJ, &. 6 T. depot one MORN
ing and Inquired what time the train
went down. The clerk who was try
ing to find out why two columns of fig
ures exactly alike would not balance,
had an indistinct vision of Parsons,
the beautiful Indian Territory and
Texas, and answered, "six-thirty."
No, he did not want any ticket. He
had one. When the train arrived he
took a seat next to widow, and be-
gan to compare Kansas with Illinois.
just as the train was passing over the
Cotton wood the conductor came
through and the Illinois manshowed up
the remains of a,coupon ticket from
Springfield to Wichita. The eondue-
tor explained as gently as he could
that the Gulf of Mexico was considera-
bly, this side OF Wichita via that route.
The travellers first impression was to
jump of, but he thought better of it
and remained quiet until he reached
Hartford, where he was assured he
could go back on the evening freight
in time for the Wichita train, but the
evening freight was just late enough
| for our traveller to see the Wichita
tram leaving Emporia Junction as he
came in sight. The traveller was bad
ly discouraged. After standing around
for an hour or two he put up at the
Fuller HOnse, and paid his bill in adj
vance, and after exacting a solemn
promise from the hotel clerk not to
forget to wake him in the morning in
time for the train, he retired, and
some time in the night fell into a
troubled sleep. An engine whistling
under his window caused him to dream
that the day of Judgment was at hand,
and thatGabriel came down, and plac-
ing his horn in our victims ear, blew a
blast sufficient to blow everything on
the face of the earth into eternity.
Bed clothes flew over the room, and he
Lie in the middle OF the floor, and with
Iamultitude of half born but no definite
IDEAS OF anything, except that the last
train that would ever go to Wichita
was starting, and that he was going to
be left, he began to dress. His right
foot would not go In his left boot. At
ter getting into his pants, coat and
half of his vest, he caught up his valise
and rushing down stairs, ran over the
coal scuttle, upset three chairs, stepped
on dogs tail at the door of the Office,
reached the platform and succeeded in
clambering on the caboose of the train
Just leaving the station. But his va
lise got away from him, and ne shout
ed to railroad man standing on the
platform to send it on the next train.
When the conductor got everything
else Strengthened up he began to gath
er in tickets. When our unfortunate
man offered his ticket and asked what
time.they would get to Wichita, the
conductor could not lie. When our
hero learned that he had boarded a
stock train, bound for Kansas City, he
relieved himself with such a flood of
adjectiYes that the conductor hardened
railroad man as he was, left his ca
bonse in charge of a tramp and went
out to look for a hot box, and the
brzASman went on top to hold the
train up Horton hill. While going up
the hill the Illinois man saw a soft
spot of sand, and as they were running
slow he jumped off. The spot OF sand
turned into pool of water as he jump
ed. To what followed we must turn a
deaf ear. We will only glance for
moment at him as he stood down the
bank, half way back to Emporia, 20 al
low the Wichita train to pass him.
When he arrived at Emporia junction
he found that the man who had pitched
up his valise, supposing him to be a
stock man, had forwarded it by the
conductor of the second section of the
stock train to Kansas City. On re-
lceiving this information he swore un-
til everybody in hearing thought be
was from Julesburg instead of Illinois.
He threatened everything and every
body, and wound up with that most
fearful of all threats, to see the COM
pany. A kind hearted brakeman told
him not to do that, but to get good
reliable compass, walk to Stafford, hire 8
boy there to tell him when to get on to
the train, and he thought he would get
to Wichita in time to put in a crop Of
fall wheat. QUILP,