The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-03-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

a wEL1-KNowN girl of the period-Em-
Bezzle.
THE moon is discontinued planet.
1t is always changing its quarters.
WHEN Deadwood miner is asked to
choose his weapon, ne generally takes
his pick.
ANIMALS lick each other from motives
of affection. The reverse is generally
the case with man.
How TO start roomer nowadays--Ju
let his landlady ask him for the next
weeks board in advance
TIME at last sets all things even, with
the exception, perhaps, of hen that is
not ready.-O1 City Derrick.
A SUNDAY. SCHOOL boy, upon being
asked what made the Tower of Pisa lean,
replied, "Because of the famine in the
land"
Sitting BULL doesn't believe in the
straight and narrow path. He says the
warp path suits him.-AuYOro (IH.)
Daily NeaO8.
CoNUNDRUM by a cockney: Why is a
bald-headed man like person in a sti-
fling condition Because he would ike
little fresh air.
ODD you do nothing to resuscitate
the body ?" was recently asked of wit
ness at Coroner's inquest. eyes, sir;
we searched the pockets, was the reply.
A BARKING dog never bites, but
the same measure of confidence isn't to
be placed in buzzing bee, even if he
| does go to war backwards. BrOOkviLAe
Democrat.
/ A LADY of Chicago, who was buying
pair of pantaloons for her son, on being
| asked by salesman how large her boy
was, replied, "About six inches taller
and somewhat smarter than you are"
"WHY, Sammy" said a father to his
little son, the other day, st didn't know
that your teacher whipped you last Fri
day" 81 guess, he replied, if you'd
been in my trousers, you'd know'd it.
| SAID young doctor to lady patient:
"You must take exercise for your
health, my dear" ''All right, said
she; "I'll Jump at the first offer"
They were married about six months af-
forwards.
SUGGESTIVE. When Angelina and Ed
win first married they took sweet little
villa, and called it the birds Nest -
they have since removed to a commodi-
GUS house, which they have named the
"HenC Coop"
! AN ambitious young lady was talking
very loudly about her faVorite authors,
when gentleman asked her if she liked
Lamb. With look of ineffabIe dis
gust, she answered that she cared very
very little what she ate, compared with
knowledge.
No MAN ever Say the sun rise-no
man ever will see the stin rise /" wasthe
astonishing remark of lecturer on as
tronomy. "Why not ?" called out an
auditor. because it takes eight min
utes for light to come from the sun to
the earth, and so the sun is always up
eight minutes before you sec it, was
the reply. "But suppose you look
eight minutes ahead of time |" queried
the auditor. The astronomer didn't an
sWer.
CRUMBS FROM TEE BREAKFAST TABLE.
II money could be borrowed as easily
rs trouble, how round shouldered some
men would soon become!
The poets have nothing TO fear from
Chinese cheap labos." John never
fools around an editors saste- basket.
Some men will work harder to drown
81 neighbours cat titan they would 30 get
mule Of their own out Of a quagmire.
The man with liver Like tramp will
hoxz OBJ Il
fore he can find a ssader subject for
contemplation than the face Of hacA-
man at funeral.
The pathway of life is fsaE Of difficult
ties, but Origins says he has about
made up his mind that one Of the hard
est things in the world for 81 man to do
is to admit to his wife that he has been
in the wrong.
A Connecticut man told his wife he
intended to have purgatory on She top
OF his new house, meaning an obserV-
atory. -E:rchGnge. A good marry men
can find all the purgatory they care
about on the inside of the house.
When you catch an Englishman away
from home without an umbrella, over
coat, and hand sachel containing shay
Ing toO45 anu 10HCa euol4SH W Scisfe
famine, you have your eye on a man too
absent minded to remember his wife's
maiden name.
Ulysses lodged the sirens by lashing
himself to the mast and pouring melted
wax into the ears of his sailors but,
while eyesight remains, the female book
agent is not to be circumvented, when
she makes up her mind man shall in
crease his stock of reading matter.
Take from the human breast the
bright CLEAN of hope that tempers all
ills and paints the uncertain future In
radiant cslors, and where would the
man be who comes out as candidate
for comfy Office, and finds himself fol-