The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-03-14

| Ii seems d uCtle curious at nrSt glance
that the growth of the Murphy move
ment should decrease the number of
potaters.
IRRITABLE schoolmaster. -" Now.
then, stupid, what's the next word
What comes after cheesew Dull boy
"A mouse, sir"
A Boston writer, in alluding to the
musical taste of the Hub, says: "Our ears
have been cultivated until they over
shadow our otner organs"
AT Cannes sign for the benefit of
English tourists, Repairs hung with
stage COACH" was discovered to mean
Repairs executed with diligence"
"THERE are people who live behind
the hill" is an old German proverb,
which means that there are other folks
in the world besides yourself, although
you may not see them.
FRIENDSHIP is more firmly secured by
lenity toward failings, than by attach
ment to excellence. One is valued as
kindness that cannot be explained, the
other exacted as payment of debt to
merit.
A LADY on the Westside was joked
the other day about her nose, which has
an inclination to turn up. "Ah, do not
say anything about my nose. l had
nothing to do in shaping it. 1t was
birthday present"
FROM the fact that geology has proved
the existence and located the position
| of ancient lakes that are now absolutely
| dry, it would seem that there has actu-
ally been time in the remote past
when water was generally used as bey-
erage.-Breakfast Table.
He appeared to be almost gone. Roll
| ing his eyes toward the partner of his
bosom, he gasped, Bury me meath the
weeping willow, and plant a simple white
rose above my head" Oh, it's no use,"
she snapped out. "Your nose would
scorch the rootsl" He got well.
CONNIE back from trip to Havre, a
Partisan bewailed his misfortune to his
railway companions: "One thing is
certain you won't catch me in any
more of these excursions. 1 lost my
wife and my cane" And then he added,
between sobs: +" new cane, toop
The uncalculating enthusiasm which
often accompanies temperance revivals
was peculiarly illustrated in Arkansas
where club of young men pledged
themselves to abstain from the use of
alcoholic liquors, and then celebrated
the occasion by getting drunk on beer.
A CALIFORNIAN was once taking a
ffteen-cent dinner at the Miners Res
taurant in San Francisco, when he called
loudly to the waiter, "Do you consider
this good beefF' Certainly; cattle
came all the way from Texas. If they
hadn't been good beef, they couldn't
have stood the trip"
APPEAL TO THE SWEET SINGER OF MICH
IGAN.
Sweet singer of the rapids
That tumbeth on the Grandl
Thy harp hath touched a nation,
Thy notes hath swept the land.
o MichiganI
| We wish again
To hear the Nightingale
Ter rash, ter rish,
Ke whash, ka whish,
| Ker roar omore owalel
Thou soother of the widows
OF Brigham's blighted homei
o, send us from Grand Rapids
Just one more sighsome pome.
Ter rash, ter rish,
Ke whash, ke whish,
Ker roar omore owale!
o Michigan!
We wish again
To hear thy nightingale.
els he good horse to CO." "Thee
would be pleased to see him CO." said the
|, conscientious Quaker. A bargain wa!
struck and a balky horse changed owners
, His purchaser, in high dudgeon, wen
back upon the Quaker. He defined hi
) position: /" l have not lied to thee friend
t told thee, thee would be pleased to Sc.
!, him go. Now wouldn't thee be pleased tt
see him go?''
t SIRANDIN is a wag as we'll as con
i fectioner in Paris, and is as bald as
: stone. The other day he met friene
whom he had not seen for twenty years
, And has everything gone we'll with
youp' he asked. "Yes," answered the
friend, "only have lost all my hair.
"Well," said Sirandin, taking off his
hat, and showing his own shining poll
! "you surely won't accuse me of having
i. found it.
: A SENSATION was created In New
5 port colored church recently by the min
ister's public reproof of a mischieyou
, sister, who put peanut shells instead O
, money in the contribution box. His re
marks were seconded by an aged woman
, who called the reprobate vain, conceiteC
= hussy, and advised her to wash the pain
: from her face. Then the young woman
: Indignantly replied and hustled out o
|. the church.
t A PoTrsTowN lad wanted to see hoy
{. it would work, so the other morning h
3 touched his tongue to cold iron railing
: surrounding neighboring churchyard
t In an instant his tongue was frozen fast
i and the lad was securely fastened. H'
a screamed, and after awhile assistance al
$ rived. He was relieved from his un
b pleasant position by the application o
I cold water. He declares that it didn'
i work worth cent.
!, A SMALL, ragged boy entered an oys
ter house in Salem, Mass, the other day
and stepping up to the proprietor, asked
Ii "WiIl you sell me an oyster for cent
want it for my sick mother" Wha
,s is the matter with your motherT aske
g the man, as he proceeded to fill ca
J, with the bivalves, thinking he would hel
;. relieve a case Of suffering. "She's g
- a black eye," was the reply. The b
o nevolence rapidly faded from the min
,91 of the oyster man as he put one oyste
n in paper bag.
'ise WE find the following passage in th
IL | sroocb of an Elko (Ney1 LAWYER to