The Morning herald., 1878-07-06
SUNBEA.MS.

SUNBEAMS. .a +
As ye sew, SO shall ye rip.
A steak holder The gridiron. .
Urdertakers make good boxers. .
The man who made point-the proof
reader. .., 'a N.a ~a .- /
Suitable uniform for conductors-Uni-
from politeness.
What popular cry fully describe an in
cipient moustache ?-"Down, in front"
A Whitehall young mans sweetheart
having "soured on him, be now calls her
his sweet tart. - Whitehall Times.
A Baltimore man has invented new
paper collar which he calls the Worm, be-
cause it will turn.
When two girls meet they kiss. When
two young men meet, they don't. That
shows who wants kissing the worst.
People who attempt to cut boarding.
house pie-crust with II fork should remenl-
ber that time thrown away can never be
recalled.
"Whats the matter with your eye, Tom
my2" 80 it's only been going through
an operation at the hands of knockulist;
that's all"
Old Deacon Dobson always boasted that
he was prepared for the worst, " and his
neighbors thought he got it when he mar
ried his second wife.
The man who leaves two-thirds of cigar
in dark nook on the front stoop when he
goes to see his girl will make thrifty hus-
band. & 4
A little boy came to his mother recently
and said, Mamma, should think If was
made of dust should get muddy inside
when drink"
The phonograph is like the small brother
of young lady. 1t will repeat everything
said in its presence without regard to
blushes.
+ Danbury has q man who can write
the Declaration of Independence on
wart. He divides with the wart the honor
of the performance. .-Danbury Ne,ns.
1t turns out that man in Michigan
4 who 'lived forty days on water" had
plenty of provisions in his boat all the
\ while he was sailing around the lake.
A stroling theatrical company was at
A the dinner-table. A waiter approached one
&c H. l>,~ t.Sorr2v emo
sir" replied the guest, II am one of the
musicians" W.
Widow Doubleton, having read that
<parlor matches" are extremely dangerous,
has ordered her daughter to take her beau
II into the kitchen and do their courting there
n hereafter. u -.
They tell of an amateur sportsman in
q Dayton, Ohio, who, having heard that
there was an unusual abundance of mush'
rooms in the woods, borrowed dog
and took his gun and started to kill some.
81 England, sir! England rules the seas
Britannia rules the waves" pompouslJ
IN remarked an Englishman to an American
''Thats nothing" was the reply, "everJ
III Yankee has notion of his own"
They don't wait for leap-year in Java
but if young woman is in want of hus
band, she places an empty fower-pot o.
the roof of the front porch as a sign. L
some of our young women lived Java
wouldn't they put out the potsa
New Curate (who wishes to know al
about his parishoners): "Then do un
derstand that your aunt is on your father
side or your mother's?" Country lad
|# "Zometimes one an zometime the other
III 'ceptin' when feyther whacks 'em both
sir"
'Have you any boned turkeya' asked
hungry customer in Nevada restaurant
The proprietor laid his hand on his revolve
and cried, ''No insinuations her, youA
man! We're honest here and don't 'bon'
III nothin'i"
The eccentric genius who delights j
statistics says every man eats on all ave,
N age eight bushels of wheat in the ycours
OF year. We can point out men who COL
sumo at least twenty-five bushels of cor
i'll the same time, but they don't take I'll
N trouble to chew it.-Breayast Table.