, 1878-03-01
Wit and HumOr.


THERE Is one business that could
never succeed without great many
strikers, ana that is the ma,ch-,rAde.
A CoCKNEY, in speaking of the de
cease Of an octogenaliHn ut Hayh, said:
Ale WAS born at 'ayti, and he died at
heghty.'
A PHILADELPHIA paper says there is n
merchant in that city Of forty.seveu
wears standing. That merchant is Ger.
tainly entitled to take u seat.
"WouLD you like to look through the
big teltscopel' asked one girl of another,
To when the latter replied; "Nn; Iii II
great deal rather look through u key.
hole"
A HARVARD student, on reading that
noted mathematician had committed
suicide 10y blowing out his brains, re.
marked: "Stuck to trggernometry to
the last"
AN Englishman being arrested for
biting off mans thumb, il was asked
where he came from. "He must have
come from naw-lhumb. erland," said a
witty lady.
A. CONGREGATIONAL brother was un.
del going an examination for ordination.
Being asked, "What is your weak pointi"
he answered, "Ask my wife, He has
been ordained.
THE most stylish Black Hills gentle
men wear red flannel collars, with big
white button for a necktie." They will,
doubtless, add Other things as the wealth
er gets cooler.
T. MISSIONARY visitor (blandly)-"Well,
dame, how do you find things nowt'
Crusty old dame--"How do | find
things now0 Why, by lookin' arter
'em, to be sure"
DEFINITION of the gout by Dumas !:
"Put your toe in wise and squeeze II
till you can no longer endure the torture.
Then give the handle one more turn
and that is the gout."
WnKIE COLLINS last story is called,
"My Lady's Money" In tins country
it would have been "Mother-in-Law has
got the Stamps" or "'The Old Woman
is Wel-heeled. .'--BreaJast Table.
"TuEM pottery things are real nice"
said Mrs. Neneering, at Browns; "me
and my daughter Maria has got the rage,
you know, and buy all we kin get. But
what on earth is they intended tor2'
In Texas, recently, ajudge broke down
with emotion in sentencing desperate
to be hanged, and the desperado, sur
prised at the scene, said, AS he went
back to jAil; 81 feel sorry for the judge"
A FRENCHMAN thinks the English Ian
guage is very tough. "Dare is look out, "
he says, (which is to put out your head
and see; and look out, which is to haul
in your head and not for to see-just
contrarie."
SAYS the Detroit Free Press "Statistics
show that the number of idiots is in-
creasiug; and yet some newspapers con-
tinue to make war on quack doctors.
What is the quack doctor Tor but to Kill
off the fOolsS"
"RALPH, can you tell me why I'm like
the moon when it is twenty three days
old2" Ralph couldn't tell, and the
questioner explained: Because TIE
passed my last quarter" A small loan was
advanced Immediately.
A LAWYER wrote to client saying:
"Please send me twenty-five dollars for
that legal opinion you had of me-" The
client replied: 81 never had any opinion
of you, either legal or illegal, that was
worth twenty-five cents"
"You must cultivate decision of char
sctcr, and, learn To say No." said a
father to his son. Soon afterward, when
the father said tn his sor, "ChOp wood"
the boy said No" with an emphasis that
showed rcmem brance OF the lesson.
LoNGFELLow was presented to Mr..
Longworth OF Cincinnati The latter
remarked to the poet, "There is no great
difference in our Names" YES" re-
piled Mr.. Longfellow, "but toorth makes
the man, the want of it the teIIoW."
The late Sir George Rose, the dis
tiuguished and witty English lawyer,
was ovrrtaken by friend one day, who
said to him: II thought it was you walk
ing SO last" "Ah! you know the rose
by the stalk, do yous' responded Sir
George.
A GENTLEMAN, having occasion to call
on solicitor, found him in his Office,
which was very hot. He remarked the
great heat OF the apartment, and said:
vt was as hit ~ an oven" $50 1t
ought to be-" replied the lawyer "for ii
is here 1 make my bread" }"
IT is when a dry goods clerk of nine
ty-seven pounds weight attempts to help
from a wagon farmers wife Of 2OS
pounds weight, that the reporter seats
himself contentedIy on curnstone and
waits for the catastrophe.-Rome Senti'
mel.