Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1878-05-18
FINS.
Bric-a-Brac Reaches the Bottom.
To the editor of the Morristown Gazette.

FINS.
Bric-a-Rrac Reaches the Bottom.
To the editor of the Morristown Gazette.
I lay awake all last night think
ing of j. S. WIS "Thomas cat and
the chicken" / have naturally q
kind heart. / thought how few
fathers would allow their little ones
to stick their fingers in the paternal
eye. I did nothing but "thought."
Toward morning | arose and went
on the front porch to look at the
starry host, and notice whether
they were holding holy revelry on
high but nary revelry. The dark
mist from old Cumberland flOated
over and around, and with the sim
pie remark, "LOrd, amt it chokey,"
L returned to my VirtuOuS couch.
Mankind needs education. Start
ing from the more intelligent mon
keys, our race has gone on improv-
ing, but have yet much ground to
get over. Some have challenged
the Darwinian theory; but every
one has heard of the tales of my
grandfather, and nothing pleases
children more than a tail. Every
thing must have an end. There are
many curious things in natural his
tory.
Take a guinea pig by the tail, and
he will leave it in your hand. Drop
some sweet oil on a cows upper
teeth and it will produce convul-
sions. When a dog is sweating all
over, pass your fingers through his
hair and your nails will turn a
greenish yellow, and so on. Let a
spider drop down your throat, a
lizard descend your dorsal Vertebra,
take quiet seat on yellOW-jacket's
nest, and you will be surprised at
the result The nearer we get to
nature the more interesting. Take
boy hulling chestnuts, for instance;
the burs, as they pierce his digits,
encourage flow of language; bed
bug in your buttermiIk incuIcates
resignation, while your neighbours
hogs in your potato patch induces
that noblest trait in the human race,
charity. Charity vaunteth not
itself. How can it vaunt? Don't
you see?
Let man walk abroad and over
haul the tent caterpillars let him
trace the meandering of the festive
mole in his truck patch; let him,
to please the farmer, hunt up the
missing turkey-hen and find her
feathers and wing bones, and he
will say "nature preserves an equi-
librium." There is much we should
be grateful for; the tOOth-ache espe-
cially for by fire is not the gold re-
fined? OF course it is, and then
you know that this thing has gone
on, you know, ever since the morn
ing stars sang for joy, you know;
and says |, the morning stars did
sing for joy, says l, but tits a very
strange thing, says 1, they have
never sung since, says i'm.
This problem of education has en-
gagged the attention of the greatest
minds, mine among the number.
We will, at random, select from our
youth one to be educated. We will
not teach him human nature, and
the worlds ways; we will not in
struct him in his mother tongue, or
in paths through which his future
life may lead him. Oh, no, no, No !
(crescelldO con DlUltO eCpreSSiOne-On
the last no.
By the Lord Harry, we will tell
him of the days of Troy and brass
armOr; all about Achilles and his
heel; of the wOlf-suckled brothers,
how ROmulus knocked Remus on
the head; of the standard-bearerO of
the Tenth Legion; of OrgetOrix
and Ariovistus; of Sir Walter Raj
eigh and the cloak; of the cherry
tree man and his little Ratchet; of
New Orleans and the cotton bales,
and all those nice little. stories that
are so useful to a young man de-
pendent upon his own efforts for
support. We will cram him with
the binOminal theOrem, the pOns
asinOrum, and touch him on the
fish problem, head, body and tail
given-hOw long is the fish (out Of
Water)?
No matter if he can't write or
spell well, he has an education, and
if he don't know German, French
or Spanish, he does Latin and
Greek, and they are good things Ito
talk abOut)
Then / would change his teacher
every six months, and, with the
teacher, his text books. The latter
encourages trade, and what father
wouldn't spend money to properly
educate his children?
It has been Bric-a-B rac's privilege
to enjoy three different methods of
instruction. The first was under an
old ScOtch-Irish domino, who wal
lOped numerically; who believed
a BOYS rounded terminal was the
telegraph station to his brain; and
his messages were well kept up.
The second was a boarding school,
where the boys were fed well, and
left to an assistant. The medium
here was the stomach. At the third
school everything was left to the
boys honor. He studied as he
pleased; his sole check was pride of
progress, emulation, as shown in
the monthly reports. My candid
impression, after 10! these many
years, Ia that q boys ganglionio
nerve, his sensitive pole, the key to
his sympathy, is a kilometre below
his rear suspender buttons; the
place upon his pantaloOns that
makes the cats cradle as he walks.
Nature has provided for this in
making the spinal cord fork just
above the locality in question and
pass down either thigh.
As in business when we have
touched bottom, matters will inn
prove, ! candidly believe in instruct
Ing hayward youth, one should
commence at the bottom. Having
reached the bottom of my sheet, |
leave the matter; as there all things |
begin ~ and end,
BRfC-A-BRAC.