The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-03-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

Bound to occur-A muzzle.
A wELL-KNowN girl of the period-Em-
Bezzle.
THE moon is discontinued planet.
L is always changing its quarters.
WHEN a Deadwood miner is asked to
cloose his weapon, he generally takes
his pick.
ANIMALS lick each other from motives
OF affection. The reverse is generally
tie case with man.
How TO start roomer nowadays just
le his landlady ask him for the next
weeks board in advance.
TINE at last sets all things even, with
the exception, perhaps, of hen that is
net ready.-OU city Derrick.
4 SUNDAY SCHOOL boy, upon being
asIed what made the Tower of Pisa lean,
reDlied, because of the famine in the
lad"
SITTING BULL doesn't believe in the
straight and narrow path. He says the
warp path suits him.-AurOra (Iu.)
Daily NeOs.
CoNUNDRUM by a cockney Why is
bald headed man like person in sti-
! fling condition Because he would like
little fresh air.
"DD you do nothing to resuscitate
the body ?" was recently asked of wit
less at Coroner's inquest yes, sir
We searched the pockets, was the reply.
A BARKING dog never bites, but
the same measure of confidence isn't to
le placed in buzzing bee, even if he
GOES go to war backwards. -Brookpille
Democrat
A LADY of Chicago, whowas buying a
Iair of pantaloons for her son, on being
sked by salesman how large her boy
vas, replied, about six inches taller
and somewhat smarter than you are.
"WHY, Sammy" said father to his
little son, the other day, 81 didn't know
that your teacher whipped you last Fri
ay." 81 guess, he replied, if you'd
leen in my trousers, you'd know'd it. ;"
SAID young doctor to lady patient:
You must take exercise for your
health, my dear" "All right" said
me; "Ill Jump at the first offer"
They we're married about six months af-
brwards.
|
vim first married they took sweet little
Villa, and called it the Birds Nest :"
aey have since removed to a commodi-
Gus house, which they have named the
Hen Coop"
An ambitious young lady was talking
very loudly about her favorite authors,
When a gentleman asked her if sine liked
Lamb. With look of ineffable dis
gust, she answered that she cared very
very little what she ate, compared with
knowledge.
No MAN ever saw the Gun rise-no
nan ever will see the sun rise " was the
astonishing remark of lecturer on as
ronony. "Why not?" called out an
auditor. Because it takes eight min
ltes for light to come from the sun to
he earth, and so the sun is always up
eight minutes before you see it," was
she reply. "But suppose you look
,ight minutes ahead of time queried
She auditor. The astronomer didn't an
swer.
CRUMBS FROM THE BRRAKFAsr-TABLR.
If money could be borrowed as easily
as trouble, how round shouldered some
The poets have nothing to fear from
"Chinese cheap labor" John never
iools a'ound an editors waste basket.
Some men will work harder to drown
. neighbours cat than they would to get
4 mule their own out of quagmire.
The man with liver like tramp will
nave t. stump around considerably be-
lore be can find sadder subject for
contemplation than the face of q hack
nan Of q funeral.
pathway of life is full of difficult
ties, hit Origins says he has about
made up his mind that one of the hard
est things in the world for a man to do
is to admit to his wife that he has been
il the wrong.
A Connecticut man told his wife he
Intended to have purgatory on the top
OF his new house, meaning an observ-
a'ory. Exchange. A good many men
can ind all the purgatory they care
about on the inside of the house.
Whtn you catch an Englishman away
from home without an umbrella, over
coat, aid hand sachel containing shay
ing tolls and lunch enough to scare
famine you have your eye on man too
absentminded to remember his wife's
maideh name.
Ulyees lodged the sirens by lashing
himself to the mast and pouring melted
wax INTO the ears of his sailors but,
while tyesight remains, the female book
agent is not to be circumvented, when
she mikes up her mind man shall in
creaseais stock of reading matter.
Take from the human breast the
bright CLEAN of hope that tempers all
ills AND paints the uncertain future i'm
radiant celors, and where would the
man who comes out as candidate
for a ceunty Office, and fluids himself fol-