The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-06-15
VARIETIES.


free lunch will out. @
Wonder if a walking match could
produce running fire?
Americans are good deal like po-
tato bugs. They go to Paris green.
The poorest place in Arkansas to
soothe crying babies is Little Rock.
Judging from our State exchanges,
the crop of candidates was not injured
by the late frost.
You may chew, you may swallow the Glove
if you will,
But the scent of your breath is the scent of
the "still."
The monograph is destined to do
away with jealousy in the church choir,
by abolishing the choir.
The Georgia fiend who shot poor
fellow who owed him twenty-five cents
should have no quarters.
Mr.. Daniels says that every time
he visits a life insurance office he feels
like Daniel in the lying-den.
"A Sandy Hook fisherman recently
killed a forty-foot whale with scythe.
1t was good scythed whale.
"A third full set of teeth improves
the appearance of Mrs. Riley, Tay-
Tor County (Ga.) woman of ninety.
The Norristown Herald insists that
no man likes to hold a girl baby in his
arms until she is seventeen years old.
City life-Paying for gas you don't
use, paying for water you don't use,
and paying for protection that does not
exist.
The difference between cow and
a milkman is that the former gives
pure milk. This may be chalked down
as a fact.
"A Canton (Mlch.) boy had part of
his nose blown off by a cartridge that
got mixed with the tobacco he put in
his pipe.
There is but one glass-eye manu-
factory in the United States, and yet it
is probably at the bottom of the effort
to revive archery.
To a tired mother when she sits
down beside a huge basket of holev
stockings, 1.-THE darkest hour is Just be.
fore the darn
1t is good thing for some people
that Apollo doesn't inhabit the earth
nowadays. He was such a fellow for
striking Tyre.
Baltimore was glutted with 3O0,O
quarts of strawberries in one dav re-
Gently. They brought from three to
six cents quart in lots.
"A ledge of the finest kind of Jet
used for jewelry, worth 100000 a ton,
has Just been located and is being
worked in a California canon.
Texas boasts of an ancient and af-
fectionate couple, of 103 and 102, Mr..
Robinson and wife, of Mountain City,
kentuckians married, eighty-two years
ago.
An art critic and a thief
Differ only by a fraction
Ones trades the abstraction of art,
The others the art of abstraction.
-Hdr0drd LdmpOOn.
Scientific agriculturists speak of
the "fruit belt'' of the South 1t is
where green apples strike the small
boy.
Said worthy and witty farmer:
of you ever come up our way be sure
and stop-at the American House. It's
tirst-class hotel"
"A man walks on the water at Taun-
ton, Mass. He wears immense tin shoes,
which proves that fellow may do any,
thing he likes if he's only got the tin.
The thin, pious man, who is contin-
ually groaning over the wickedness of
the world, is more troubled with dys-
pepsia than blessed by religion. Ali
d1ace.
One extra-strOng minded woman
has remarked that an old bachelor is
man who, through selfish motives, has
refrained from making some woman
wretched.
-"Oh, had the wings of dove"
sighed the closely-pursued thief. He
drove down a side street, but the spry
patrolman reached for his cote and
took him in.
"A Western editor says "Commu-
nism doesn't take" He has not seen
the real genuine thing. Genuine Com
munism takes everything that does not
belong to it.
The truest help we can render to
an afflicted man is not to take his bur-
den from him, but to call out his best
strength, that he may be able to bear
OuC
"A true story in two chapters:
Chapter l. Mrs. Nation, of JERSEY CITY,
had habit of smoking a pipe in bed.
Chapter III. The other night she
changed that habit for shroud. The
end.
The Blanc-Terry wedding was a
full hour late because the spray and
star of diamonds with which the brides
veil and wreath were fastened were so
heavy that they pulled down her hair
after it had been arranged.
-"And they were all talking so UNI
kindly of you, dearest Louisa, and"
" And what were they saying?" 'Say-
ing that you painted your face; and
told them that it was untrue, and that
your color was only erysipelas."
Out of work and with the landlord
pressing for rents two months in ar
rears, Henry Lloyd, of New Orleans, took,
his babe in his arms the other day and
made fatal plunge into the Mssissip-
pi, thinking his wife could live if rid of
him and the child
"A Saginaw Mich hog has been
caught milking her owners COWS, and
a more ferociOus specimen in Sunny
Point. Tex killed and nartlv alto two