The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1878-08-29
FACTS AND FANCIES.

The Breakfast Table thinks trade is
looking up, because it is fiat on its back.
In the way of worship in hot weather,
man thinks he is doing well enough
when he allows his wife to go to church.
A CHICAGO critic, on being shown n
landscape mid eyes, it smells like
painting" The artist dropped the cur
tain.
LADY (giving an apple to little boy);
"Give this apple to one OF us three here
whom you think the handsomest." The
boy looked for moment at all three
ladies, took the apple and-ate it.
KANKAKEE, ILL.,, has justice who
beats them all in matrimonial splicing
with neatness and dispatch. This is
about the formula: "IIave ERR" eyes"
Have 'im?" Eyes" "Married. 81"
ClssY-"Pa's going to bring us home
something to night; ! wonder what it
will be ?" TOnmy-"Yes, but suppose
he doesn't see anything?' Cissy-"Oh,
then he will bring something else, of
course"
"THANK heaven" said tormented
passenger "there are no newsboys in
heaven" "No," replied the newsboy,
"but what comfort do you find in that?"
The man didn't say, and everybody el9e
looked pleased.
A MAN ought to be too self.respectful
to do a mean thing Religion aside,
honor that is high toned, and uprightness
that can't be made to bulge by threat
or bribe are qualities of character which
make their possessor enviable.
A YOUNG man applied for the position
of humorous paragrapher on new paper,
and, when asked what qualification he
possessed for the duties he replied that
he was born on all-fOols' day, aud suffered
great deal with the tOothache. He
got it.
A YOUNG man writes us asking if he
can get position AZ leader OF flute
band in our town. When our town be-
comes afflicted with such band we shall
endeavOr to secure our correspondent
the position to lead ito lead it about
torty-seven thousand miles out of town.
Norrstown Herald.
THE lamented Y, left a charming
widow and daughter who grew up to
be even more charming. She grew up
with fearful rapidity, too, especially from
her mothers point of view. " Why,
Florence, what a big girl you
are getting to bel How old are your
said, one day, an old friend OF the family.
"Fiheen and half almost" replied
the girl; "but don't let ma know"
SOME of the "poor white" families Of
the far west become exceedingly tough
ened by their exposures and hardships.
A lady travelling among them took shelter
in hut during rain storm, and one of
the barefooted daughters Of the family
coming in, who had been hunting for the
cows, stood on the hearth to dry her
clothes, to whom the mother said: "Sal,
there's live coal under your foot !"
The girl, whose soles were as hard as
horn, merely turned her head and drawled
out, (which foot, nanny"
Down in san Bernardino the heather
has been indulging in his ways that are
dark He keeps Il store there. On a
recent day he went about town, buying
up all the rice he could, and some of the
grocerymen thought they had struck a
pretty good thing in selling out their
stock at profit. When they attempted
to replace it, however, they found that
owing to the drought in China ice had
advanced $3.50 per sack, and John had
a corner in rice. They we're compelled
to pay au advance on what they had sold
for. The grocers of san Bernardino are
now willing to admit that "the Chinese
must co. San Francisco Paper.