Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-04-03
church is not worth saving, ETC., ETC.
from a Recent Sermon. by a Distirl-
gulshed Orthodox Clergyman.
HulllOI'.
This is a forward March.

The best muzzle for a dog is the muz-
z,e Of gun.
Which is the sickest day in boys
life? His first Chew's day.
Now is the time to take your carpets
into the back yard, and beat, what
Bob lngersoll says does not exist out of
'em. ntsis7ss4 .oE
| Canon Farrar says that " Hell is o
temper, not a place" If he has that
kind of wife, why doesn't he apply
for divorce -No77laoa7a Herald.
The Mediterranean has sunk one
third Of an inch since the opening of
the Suez Canal. Weknew it had sunk,
but didn't think that it had gone down
like that.-Da'ebmy News. III
What is the difference between our
post office and the church that has the
largest clergyman 2 One has the post
master and the other the most pastor
No77istoamo Herald.
Will the coming house-hy be built
after the model of the house-fy of last
year. and take sneaking advantages of
finding a big toe protruding beyond the
bed-cover?-DetroI Free Press
The moon, it is claimed, has gained an
inch in rapidity of motion within
the last hundred years. At that rate it
would soon overtake a boy on an err
rand -Breakfast Table. ~ d.
England to Russia" Do [ under
stand you to say, sir" Russia to
England :" You do, sir - 81 do
sir?-" +" You do sir - "WeH, sir
=" TO be continued after the arrival
of the next cablegram.)
One side of the fraudulent dollar has
a fat British girl on, with a tremendous
bang, and on the other hen flying off
her nest, probably frightened by the
bang. Philadelphia Bulletin. -Just one
word. What business has hen on a
British girls nest. ?-Bu6alo Express.
The silver dollar eagle recalls the con-
versation at the show: Daughter
Law, ma, look at that beagle" Moth
err" Wy, you hignorant gal, it's a
howl" Snowman, politely Axes par
ding, mum, but it's 'awk."
Canada is figuring for prohibitorv
liquor law, and, in the name of the
United States of America, we demand
that the efforts be crushed like a SER
pent. With this sort of s. law in Canada,
where are our citizens who run away
with othes peoples money to find
safety and comfort oil City Derrick.
And now comes the "spring open
ing" when the Khedive of Egypt first
looks at his 900 wives, then at his
pocketbook, ard then looks around for
an opening to spring into. At least,
we suspect he does. That is the way
we should feel about it. Nine hundred
new spring bonnets at So per bon would
make a frightful chasm in our years
salary. Herald. r. a3H
Brown had been in love with a young
lady, and asked permission to call her
by the expressive name of some animal,
which was granted on condition that
she should have the same privilege.
On leaving, Brown said, "Good night,
dear p Good night, bore" said she.
So long as the legs of the small boy
do not extend higher than his breathing
apparatus it will be impossible to get
that he will not go straightway out and
stand in a puddle where the water will
just run in over the tops of the same
Worcester Press.
Some school girls in Pennsylvania
We're attacked by rattlesnakes and
frightened them away by Haunting
their red petticoats. Dear, dear ! why
didn't Eve think of at-Bufalo Ec-
press Perhaps she did, poor girl, and
found it impracticable. = Worcester
Press.
+" A baby in the house is well-spring
of pleasure" Please cut this out and
paste it on the goose grease bottle, so
that you may be gently admonished to
take correct view of the situation the
next time you have to get up at II P.
NJ, on account Of the well-spring's
showing croupy symptoms.
A working-girl said she thought Ari-
IONA would be a good place for her.
8" Yes" we said, wages are good there,
and the prospects of a husband are no
doubt better than here in California. ("
90" said she, Pm not enough before
handed yet to marry; | could not sup
port a husband" What a noble ar
ray of young men there is waiting for
that girl to get ready San Rafael Jour-
nal.
Captain Jawkins (of the Piebald1
Plungers, in the interval of a dance -
" Aw, you and yeaw sister are dwessed
amazingly alike, Miss O'Flannigan;
what capital pair you'd make, by
Jove p Miss O'Flannigan with naive
simplicity =" All. now, indeed, Captain,
if it's in pair was going, it isn't with
my sister I'd like to be matched p
Judy. o*'e
Holy hours come sometimes to all
of us, freighted with love, when life
seems worth living, and we feel pro-
found rest. But the inexorable current
carries us on, yet we occasionally turn
back and are encouraged by the
knowledge that there are such mo-
ments in life; which strengthen us in
our weakness and comfort us in our
sorrow. It is not to he eynected that