The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-04-20
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

is full of valuable hints to tramps and Others in
elined to engage in somewhat dangerous though
often profitable employment
An Ohio girl threw n stone and hit boy in tho
eye, causing his death. The girl has been ar
arrested, but will doubtless be at once acquitted
of intentional wrong, as no girl was ever known
TO hit what she threw at
The George Washington socablc, of men who
could not tell lies, was abandoned. Inc only
guests who came were two insurance agents
Rome Sentinel
Josh Billings is sOjournng in Texas, but he
finds the people obvous to the fun of his
crankcd photography, as it differs in no apprecia
able way from the style in general vogue down
there.
A married acquaintance says his wife won't LET
him belong to a club, because, she says, itwould
take him out of an evening, when he ought to
stay at home and make club to her. woman
who could make pun on such a subject ought
to be dubbed.
At theological discussion in Vermont last
week between univcrsaist and Calynist ON
the great hell conundrum, the latter was rather
posed by the question: "Do you insist that we
must forgive our enemies, but that God is going
70 roast lIisY'
The X. X. Gaatt opincs that the unmarried
colored woman at Joppa, Massac county, Ill,
who last week gave birth TO triplcts, was very
badly be. tdy.ed woman.
Young Sandwichcr who is "a good deal for
tall but not much for fat, asked friend what he
should wear at the last masquerade ball Put
4 piece Of rubber on your head ana 20 as a lcad
q 1. ,I,riaE Ey,,
4 reader asks us why il is that if Shakespeare
is the greatest writer Of English his style is not
more frequently copied s. death, pry thcc out
upon thee, man; hold We know not, an yet II
charge thee an thou love me, ah' ha! still, what
are you giving us Mem York Hodm.
To remove frcckles, let young ladies battle the
face with Colognc.watcr after tea and about lOI
=. NJ. brush both cheeks, the forehead and chin,
with carefully sclectcd moustachc If this does
not remove the frecklcs, it will, under ordinary
circumstances, cause them to be forgotten.
The Ioopcstown chronicle mentions the ease Of
q young man in that place who was married six
months ago and the other morning was uncX-
pcctcdly made happy to find himself dad. What
makes it look suspicious is that the chronicle man
adds: eve knew it all the timc-rarc ripe gar.
den seed, wonderful soil, &c, make Il man faith
,r before he can scratch around and rccOycrirom
the primary effects Of the wedding" The qucs-
ton is how did he happen to "know," dc:
Siytramps were taken into the Ottumwa Oowa)I
reform club room the other night and treated to
. hearty supper. II Is such attention as this
which encourages the poor wanderers and leads !
thcm TO brace up and keep on sponging living
to,
baby at the Rockford Erring Womcn's Home,
Bennett and Chandler the editors Of the rival
dailcs Of the town, insisted on having grand
christening bee and the unhappy child was
christcncd Bennett. Chandler in their honor. But
there is nothing mean about the Rockford editors.
Each presented the little wair with half dozen
milk tickets.
wicked Connecticut man bcngrcccntly taken
ll, and believing he was about to die, told a
ueighhor that he felt the need Of preparation for
tAcHcNt world, and would like TO see some proper
person in regard TO it; and Immediately the feel
ing friend sent for fire insurance agent
An exchange says: brigham Young's watch
brought $500 at aution but which watch; ToI
our thinking, Ann Eliza was the hest patent
loayCr he ever had about him. ". \. CONE, idu.
We all loved johnny Leach
But ne glidcd from our reach
And yaukcd himself across the shining river; |
Perhaps he's better oil,
For he had an awful cough
And species of congestion of the liver.
D,biU fuoS.
There /, no end to the convenience Of the tclc-
lloEc, but it needs to be worked with some eau
ton. For instance:
Nj Basingbal Getty merchant -"Mo,t conycn-
irutl ! can converse with Mrs. b. Just rs If u
was in my own draWmgroom. IN tell her You
.re hcrcN tSpcak, through the tclcphOnc.)
Dawdlcs i, hcrc-iu-t come from PariS-ouk-
Ing SO wcll-dcsirc, 10 be- etc, etc. Now you
take it, and you'l hear her voice distinctly
Dawdlcs-" Wcallv." (Dawdcs takes IT, The
rolcc--"For goodness sake, dear, don't bring
Iat msuilcrabc noodle home to dinner"
The st Loui, Jo'paa peacefully pipcth the.
pleasure, Of housekeeping thus;
The housckccpcr .ycth cheerful hop,
And we hear the musical ippcrty Hop
ui the mostly, misty, maddcnnS mop
And lo the maddcnng horrors rush
athUJIt uur souls al the suapN guSh
az the slippery, Shiny scrubbmg brush.
From early morn till evening gloom
We hear the scratching in hall and room
Ui the bOstCrouS, busily-bObbng broom.
.ud now there comcth wocsOmc wall
That augurs centrally gu-ty gale
from man with his leg in the scrubhln- pail. /
In our last issue We made little mistake in /
r.1rd 10 Nick Smith loo-ing his bride aud belly
i.ud.--firdIt Park AGry
let Nick wear suspcndcr~ like white man and
Zee won't have any trouble with belly bands. u
.gi.I,1l,. G,t.,tir.
The member, OF a church >ocic,, down m|
Maine were playing "chaudc,' lately the word
being "Nicodcmus." The several syllable, were
.,udcred and then the whole Wa, ryprc,cutcdhy
o. ruan up a tree II would have passed uurr-
marked upon had not Il member of another so.
Getty been present, who informed them They 'had
glt The wrong fellow in the tree; that WAS /lc.
.HeH-.'
Uayg-'> man Gen. Comfy, minister tothc sand +
s.uA Islands, continues 10 mourn his hard lot in
F.tr D.. fI... fI.s., STAT. F......f |- i