Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1878-09-11
That Old lynn.

Ii was such hard winter to me. Indeed
the whole year had been hard Outward,
all seemed pleasant. had the best homt
in the world-plenty to eat, drink, and wear
good health, many friends-what more coulc
girl want Had died that winter the,
would have folded my hands gently ano
said, "What mysterious providence
With every thing to make her happy, with
so much work hardly begun, why was she
taken away ?" They would have talked al
my funeral of bright, shadowless life
merged into that which is forever shadow.
less; of the many poor homes darkened by
the loss Of a kind face, of the sorrowing
friends, etc. | should have been santed in
the eulogy; sainted. crowned, with never a
cross laid aside nor a thorn-scar on my brow.
How very, very little people do know of us.
The world sees the sunshine, God and we
the shadows.
1performed my home duties faithfully,
entertained my friends, visited the mission
people, accomplished great deal of church
work. taught in Sunday-school, talked very
religiously, but | was living lie had
lost the old love, the holy faith, the hope
which alone is truly hope. To publish the
truth would avail nothing but sorrow, dis.
appointment, cruel pain to those loved. |
fought it out alone, save for the presence,
the mighty help of the Master dishonored,
who was with me all through but my "eyes
were holden" | did not see him, believed
myself alone.
| was tortured with endless questions,
doubts, unbelief. How it began does not
matter; it had beginning which few sus-
pected-a great sorrow which warped my
life. Then reasoned if God loved me he
would not let me suffer 50. Then, he was
not kind, but cold, great, awful, far away.
Then, was there God ? Everything was
twisted. o, how much skill six thousand
years of practice has given to Satan
| dared not tell any one the thoughts
which haunted me. went on as before,
conscious of the vilest hypocrisy, comforted
my poor people with holy promises could
find no comfort in, told of the gentle Saviour
professed to know, when my heart was
breaking because | could not find him. /
thought of those days when first heard Mr.
Sankey sing:
"But none OF the ransomed ever knew
How deep the waters crossed,
Ere he found the sheep that was lost"
1t was cold, dreary afternoon. | was
sauntering slowly, aimlessly along. in syu-
pathy with the dull, gray sky, not thinking
of anything in particular, only wretchedly
heart-sick, as usual, when my attention was
arrested by the line of carriages, and then a
hearse, waiting before the Memorial church,
which was nothing to me then--the Chris
tian world has heard from it since. | re.
membered that somebody's daughter was to
be buried from that church. was tired
perhaps she had been. | would go in and
rest-was she resting?
I taa 4.
The auditorium was half full of people. In
the twilight | could see dimly the casket
covered with a snowy mass of flowers
anchors, crowns and wreaths of fragrant
beauties spoke of hope and victory and
glory; and the wee cross which hung against
the dark background of the pulpit, was it a
symbol of her accomplished warfare, of that
she had thought heavy and full of thorns,
which had seemed so small to others She
had laid it down now. How ! envied the
quiet sleeper. If her heart were as weary
as mine of sorrow aud struggle and despair,
she must have rejoiced when its throbbing
was almost over. If her head were half SC
tired, it must rest sweetly on its narrow pill
low, free at last from endless questions which
found no answer and yet camored on
Where was she now? Was she at all ? II
What were they saying?
" She Is safe forever what may come tc
you, to the Others, you cannot tell. She il
safe. You have one child at home."
Safe--at home" AT home-safe."
repeated the words over and over. pu
my head down. o, | was SO tired, was ther,
rest anywhere? Could reach it by an,
way? | thought over the story, my lonl
story. Somebody repeated slowly-th,
words came with strange beauty through tn,
twilight know that my Redeemer liveth,'
Yes, yes, he lives. | will, must believ
that there is nothing else with any hope il
it, Lord, help thou my unbelief.
A flood of light fell upon the people. II
my excited Imagination it seemed as from
heaven. Then sweetly, very softly, came tn
music she had loved, rendered without in
strumental accompaniment by rich, har
monious voices, the old hymn,
There is a fountain filled with blood
And sinners plunged beneath that food
Loseall their guilty stains"
sat motionless in the shadow listening
fascinated to the 81 old, old story"
"The dying thief rejoiced to see
And iiS ,6'ts e, may nay 4 though yle he.
May II The sin of unbelief, that 81
which destroys the soul All-the rebellion
the despair, the impotent struggles agains
the will of him who loved me always, VIII
lives and hears and has known all. an
yet loves
stole out into the darkening street hal
stunned, feeling as if had left weary bu
den behind. A new thought was In m
heart. never knew till then why in th
Bible so much stress is laid on unbelief.
know now.
~ did not go home transformed. Poop
saw no change, except, perhaps, a quit
cheerfulness of manner. l did as | ha
done before, only now | knew that what
taught was true. have doubted since
Satan is not conquered at once-bnt this
can say, the branch has sweetened the bitt
waters. He did the best that even he cou