The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-08-29


The Tennessee Democracy have nom-
mated Judge Marks for Governor. The resO-
buttons adopted demand the unconditional re-
peal of the Resumption act; that no more in
terest-bearing bonds be issued; that the Ma
tiOnal Banking act be repealed, and green
backs be substituted for the National Bank
circulation; that Treasury notes be made re-
ceivablc for all Government dues; that all
loans required by the Government be raised
ury notes, etc. etc.
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
Miss UNLOCK says the young wife
who is economical is heroine.
A FAsT-wALK1NG sTICK-A hurri-
cane Chicago Com. advertiser.
PEOPLE who have been to Bald
Mountain say it isn't what it is cracked
up to be.
DIR. HOLMES says that crying widows
marry first. THERE'S nothing like wet
weather for transplanting.
ABEL, in Hebrew, means vanity; and
belle in English has much the same
Observation-Disclosures Fan.
CONSTITUENCY thou art a jewelr'
as the candidate remarked to the con-
vention that nominated him.
AN old negro cook SAYS: "Sass is
powerful good in everything but chill
dren. Dey need some oder kind of
WHY can't America get up a weather
of her own instead of depending in this
abject way on Observation-Disclosures
ptia Bulletin.
A MAN may be insane on one subject
and sane on all others. The trouble
with such man is that he sticks to his
insane subject.
FARMERS daughters should be taught
to be good housekeepers, while their
sons are taught to be good husband
men.-M o. Pcayune.
"How SLEEP the brave?'' inquiries
the Chicago Tribune. Nicely, thank
you, except when it is oppressively
warm; then we lie awake half the
night.-Rockland IN. ~ Courier.
THERE is something solemn in the
tones of a great bell striking midnight
especially If you are mile from home,
and know that your wife is sitting be-
hind the hall-door waiting for you.
"HOw IS it, miss, you gave your age
to the census-taker as only twenty-five,
when you were born the same year I
was, and am thirty-nine?'' "Ah! you
have lived much faster than 1, sir"
A CALIFORNIA Coroner returned this
verdict for man who had been killed
by circular saw: "An upright man,
a good citizen and u model Christian,
but not up on the management of cir
cular saws"
By the decline of value in Western
mortgages, Christine Nilsson is. said
to have lost nearly $4,000. HIM;
she'll have to sing nearly half an hour
some of these evenings, to make that
up.-Haaok-Ege.
II WISH you would not give me such
short weight for my money! said .
customer 10 grocer who had an out
standing bill against him. "And 1
wish you wouldn't give me such long
wait for mine," replied the grocer.
AN appreciative mind can throw a
world Of pathos into a very ordinary
statement. EYES," said she, leaning
over the fence, in communion with a
neighbor, "she is dead. She died just
as she had got torn up to clean house.
It is terrible. "-DGnbMry NesOs.
A YOUNG man objected to the young
girl that his rich old uncle wished him
to marry. "You mustn't be so partic-
ular," said the exasperated. uncle. 81
tell you she's well enough" $50 she
is UNCLE" responded the nephew, "and
you know you always taught me to
leave well enough aloner'
LAWS always revenge themselves
when broken. You can neither coax
nor threaten them. They are your
masters, and you may as well submit.
Resistance is folly. There is an old
proverb, and a homely one, which runs,
''He who splits against Heaven will
find the spittle fall in his face. IN Y
Herald.
A NEVADA Judge, during a trial,
asked: "Mr. Witness, what was the
consideration paid for a certain deed?''
The witness replied: "It is none of
your business, Judge, whether it was
81 or $500; it is just as good in law
any way; don't think I'm green be-
cause 1 came from the country; I've
been in court BEFORE
A DRAwING-MAsTER in Edinburgh,
who had been worrying o pupil with
contemptuous remarks about his de-
ficiency OF skill in the use of the pen
Gil, ended by saying: .'H you were to
draw me, for example, tell me what
part you would draw first" The pu-
pill, with significant meaning in his
eye, looked up in his masters face and
quietly said, Your neck, sir.''
A WAC of pickpocket was arrested
! in Washington, q day or two ago for
practicing his art on one of the foreign
Legations. "What have you to say in
pa1liation of your offense?'' asked the
Judge. "Ididitinpursuanceo aduty,
sir" "By what process of reasoning
do you arrive at that conclusion?"
"Well, sir, we deem it to be purely in
the line of our rob legations. ~ onkers
IN. ~ Gazette.
AMERICANS away from home, the
richest of them even, take intuitively
to the habit of every man paying his
own score. Our National method,
when q party of friends are out to-
gether, is for one or more to be allowed
to do most of the money-spending; or
perhaps they treat around in turn.
Either way results in somebody suffer-
ing unjustly in pocket, and is satisfac-
tory only to the chronic sponge. Here,
If two men or q dozen, by themselves
or with their families. are scattering
money in company, an exact reckoning
is had, and each comes up with his con-
tribution chcerfully. No sum is too
small to be thus jointly liquidated.
have seen one American millionaire
give another fifteen cents, his half of a
cab-fare; and No. 2 took it like a little
man. Nobody is expected to pay for a
chance friends good time away from
home. Pray goodness that there are
enough Americans abroad this year to
take the custom back and make it re-
spectacle in the United States.-Paris