St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-08-02
SQuibs.

Edison has invented a machine for
condensing the noise of the elevated
railways of New York, running it down
pipe to the Battery, loading it on the
Sound steamboats, and dumping it near
Rattleborough, Vt. Great man, that
Edison The marlborough people ex-
pect to can the noise and sell it for
Fourth of July celebrations.-PhiLa
phia Bulletin.
Last year country editor offered his
paper one year for the largest water
melon. The offer has not been repeated
this season. Instead of doubling up his
subscription list by the grand scheme,
the melons doubled up the editor.
''It's all very well to talk about how
the thermometer stands in the shade,"
remarked a gentleman with boiled
lobster-cOlored face who dropped in the
other morning. "What l want to know
is how it stands in the sun. That's the
way l have to take it."-BOStOn Tran
script.
Scene, Sixth street car; time, IL p.
m. dramatic persOn9-alertc conductor,
sleepy passenger and driver. Alert con-
ductor (referring to the street, John"
Sleepy passenger Tin doze)-"Ye-e-s."
Driver Ito hOrses) Sect up" Sleepy
passenger-"In a minute"-and wakes
to realization of his position, amid the
laughter of the rest of the passengers.
Cincinnati Commercial.
A wasp's nest contains $1,000 cells,
and the greatest of these ''sellsn is to
sit down on the nest under the mistaken
impression that all the wasps have gone
to the seaside or somewhere on a visit.
A single wasp lOaing in the back
kitchen will give the sitter warm re-
ception.
81 say, waiter, I've just cracked this
egg. Look at it." ''Don't look very
nice at that end, sir, must say. Try
the other"
In recent dog lawsuit in Halifax, a
witness testified that the dog in ques-
ton was "cow dog" and not "bull
dog"
"What are you about z" angrily ex-
claimed a country editor the other day
to his wife, who was touching up her
complexion before the mirror. "Only
getting up my patent outside,' dear,n
was the reply.-Oa City Derrick.
1t is bad enough to have dog days !;
but it is almost too much for good
nature to be afflicted also with cat
nights.
A friend in New York very kindly
mails us copy of bank-note detector,
with which he is connected. We have
no use for the thing at all. We have
tried it, and it won't work. Every
night we place it in our pantaloons
pocket, and in the morning carefully
withdraw it. 1t is of no use. We fail
to detect any bank notes in the pocket.
Joliet Sun.
Why pay $50 for a phoDOgraph
when $1.50 judiciously invested in ice
cream the coming summer, and two
bushels of turnips in the fall for a mar
riage certificate will give you life
lease on talking machine that never
requires any tin-feil on the cylinder es
capement? Young man, these are times
for the practice of economy, and you
should reflect. Chicago Post.
Little Johnny Dibbs ran into the
house the other day while the mercury
was hugging 1885," with the perspira-
tion streaming from every pore, and
shouted: Mamma! mamma fix me
Pm leaking all over 7"
A party of serenaders halted on
Boundary street the other night, touch.
ed the light guitar and struck up. with
great feeling, ''Come where my love
lies dreaming" and then a great bush
headed wretch, forty-eight years old
with beard like a thicket, leaned out
OF the window and said, in a loud
coarse, unfeeling manner, sEYoung pen.
tlemen, you mistake; she isn't dream.
ing. Far from her be it to dream. O,
even sleep: She's sitting on the bach
porch, with her feet in tub of cisterr
water, drinking iced lemonade anC
lighting mosquitoes with a palm lea
fan, and she isn't dressed for company
Sing something true" But long ere ht
ceased to speak, the summer night wal
still, the front yard was empty, and the
voice of the harp no more awoke ths
night in melody.-HaUkeye.