The Portland daily press., 1878-10-12
LII the Union was worth fighting for it is
worth paying for.
HThe Runner Must Go "

The American people have an abnormally
developed taste for parody-even 'Beauti-
fol Snow" ''Whoa Emma" and other ponu-
lar poems not necessary now 10 mention,
have been profaney parodied. It must be
this vitiated taste-for on any other supposi-
tlon the demand is unaccountable-that leads
to the variation on Dennis Kearney's phrase
which heads this article, and causes some
papers to cry out and many to echo the cry
that 'the Runner must go.''
Now there may be some reasons why the
services of the commercial agent, travelling
salesman, drummer, bagman, or whatever
we may choose to call him-he is sure to
come. like Abra, whether called or not
should be dispensed with. The margin Of
profit that supported him may have vanished.
There may be more economical and safer
ways of attracting trade. But these are
low, commercial reasons, questions OF dol
lar, which we do not purpose to copss ~
Nor do we care how soon the ser--0' Vi 'no
Runner are dispensed r'sn IL tne huhner
himself be retainea We want Hamlet even
even if it is found necessary to leave the pla y
out. We prefer to consider the Runner from
loftier standpoint than the commercial-his
town.
The Runner is picturesque figure, and
his disappearance. pictorially speaking, would
be misfortune. His departure would leave
an aching void in our midst, and the
most striking Illustration of American enter
prise, called by the vulgar and the carping,
"cheek," would vanish forever. The loss
would be felt by us all, but more sharply in
tue rural districts; for he is the life of vii
lagos. We all know how he saunters or bus
ties, according to temperament, into the
country store, seats himself on the counter,
reaches for the candy jar or the cheese box
as his taste or their proximity determine,
stares at the pretty girls that come in, and
chaffs the shopkeeper or in winter settles
himself in the best of three rickety chairs,
aud, like Bret; Harte's heroes, socially spits
on the stove. His object is to gather in or
ders as thick as wagon wheels gather dust in
summertime, and to sell the trader. He
usually leaves with the com Portable convic-
tfon that he has achieved these objects. But
when settling-day comes his employers too
often find that it is he as we'll as his goods
that has been sold, and he is forced to take
part OF his commission in curses; for the
great wholesale merchants have a dislike to
bad sales, however ingeniously effected.
They are no artists. But that is purely a
business consideration, and it is not our pur-
pose to consider the drummer from busi-
ness standpoint.
1t is not by the shopkeepers only that the
Runner will be missed. He will be missed
at social gatherings, oyster parties and that
like: but especially at church levees where he
always contributes literally to the support of
the gospel and takes half-a-dozen girls down
to supper. Church treasures will yawn and
bright eyes weep for him. Missed also will
he be by the village circle of storY-tellers,
for his stories are always the freshest-and
freest. But perhaps more than elsewhere he
will be missed at the quiet little poker parties
in the chamber at the village tavern or the
back shop of the country store, where the fire.
ouency with which he holds three of kind
awes and mystifies his companions. But
there will be more money in the village when
he is gone-theugh TO do him justice the
most OF his easy earnings are spent where
thew are made. There will be mourning for
him on the cars to, where he is familiar
figure, undaunted by austere and unawed by
morose conductors, on familiar terms with
the train-hands, aud having happy faculty
of making himself at home-particularly
with the women passengers.
So from whatever standpoint we consider
him-except the commercial-he excites our
interest and commands our admiration.
1t may not be putting the case too strongly to
say that his disappearance would be public
loss, keenly felt by all classes of the commun-
ity, except that engrossed in trade. 1t must
be admitted that he has rare gifts, is heavily
stocked in certain lines, as be would himself
| express it. The development of his buccina-
| tor muscles is perhaps case of hypertrophy,
| but results in an impressive amplitude OF
| cheek, and he certainly has in perfection the
| front dairain of which the French poet
| speaks. These qualities are not to be de-
| spised and merit preservation. Even if they
l did not exist we could not willingly bring
ourselves to bid farewell to the delight of
country landlords ard the pride of village
bellies. Some means ought to be devised to
retain the Runner. 1t is perhaps too much
to expect that one class, the mercantile,
should maintain him. But something might
| be done in the way of a popular subscription
an annual appropriation by Congress for his
enlargement and preservation. Like all lux
ures he is expensive but the people can af-
| ford him.