The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-08-22
Miscellaneous.


The editor of the st. Louis Journal is
politician and wants to run for some
thing. He says, Constituency, thou art
jewel"
A Buffalo man broke his leg in pulling
off his boots. His neighbors have no
sympathy for him. They say it is warm
enough to go barefooted.
The question has been asked "Can a
Christian go to the circus ?' Eyes, until
he's married, and then in most cases the
circus comes to him."
Russell walked only eight miles in
five hours yesterday under water. This
tends to support the Halsteadian theory
that man can walk further under beer.
Americans who have returned from
Paris say the newspaper articles in this
country, warning visitors not to drink the
water in that city, are not at all necessa-
ry. They never do.
A young man. just returned from New
York, when asked where he put up, said
he didn't know the mans name, but
there were three balls in front of the
door. He put up his watch to raise
funds to get home.
A speculator in Milwaukee has started
out with determination to get possess
ion of every bushel of wheat in the coun-
try. There's no cause for alarm, how
ever. First rate whisky can be made out
of corn, we are told.
1t is a singular coincidence that when
ever there is pigeon shot or horse trot
in the vicinity the notices on the doors
indicate, that all the lawyers are out of
town trying cases, or else in the superior
court library.
People who are always longing for
lodge in some vast wilderness wouldn't
be happy if they had one. First thing
they knew they would be bowling for a
street car, five cents, worth of fine cut,
and an evening paper.
The pic mic and ice cream season is
here; watermelons and peaches are with
us again but these luxuries poorly COM
pensate US for the loss of those amusing
cable dispatches we so long enjoyed, viz.
Peace Assured" and War Inevitable"
We must now content ourselves with dis
patches concerning Bismarck's dog and
King Williams health.
A man who tainted at camp meeting
was sadly disappointed. He expected
that a dozen men would rush up, pull
whisky TASKS out of their pockets and
give him whisky to revive him. The
TASKS were forthcoming, but they didn't
contain enough liquor to moisten his
lips. He tainted too late in the day.
The man who constantly wears tooth
pick in the left-hand corner of his mouth
may have been loved by some one when
a very small child, but plenty of people
can be persuaded to take a solemn oath
he has never been since.
When a visiting friend whom you
would not offend for all the world, and
whose entertainment is your very care,
repeatedly sings, Home, sweet home,
there's no place like home" and still per-
sists in staying with you, what are you
going to do about it +?
A long haired Indian was seen in all
the gorgeousness of black clothes, plug
hat fan and umbrella. Let the govern
ment equip all the tribes in the same
manner and the Indian problem will be
solved They will feel too overwhelm-
ingly sheepish to think of fighting.
city young lady visiting Bridgeport,
having witnessed the pedestrian feats of
MISS Won hllleFni sIdTGeu OuI inc OtuoE
evening to walk four miles in an hour.
After proceeding a quarter of mile she
saw a toad in the road, and with a scream
of alright turned around and retraced
her steps. The best time was made in
going home.
A man came into the office last even
ing and asked; Are you going to print a
sermon tomorrow We told him that
such was not our present intention. II
am sorry for that" he replied. "You see
l was arrested and fined for drinking
this morning, and thought if you were to
make ive-line report of it, and get it
mixed up with a sermon, nobody would
ever read it. Guess I'll have to ask you
to keep it out altogether" And the man
went out without offering an explanation
for his strange conduct