The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1878-12-28
THIS AND THAT.

1t is thought that fashionable
boarding house furnishes the best anti.
fat,
Red tape permits the Indian to
starve and then kills him IL he thras hes
= around aud makes a fuss about II
! -Hungry Traveller-"Flrst Of all =,
, have you a sOle?" Irish landlady-" A
sOwl, is i'll Now, do luok like ba stt ?''
Don't be Old.fashioned enough to
speak Of verbose man as IA gas house.
Refer to him as an electric light gen.
. orator"
, -Counsrlto witness -"You're nice
sort Of fellow, you arel" Witness
"l'd say the same Of you, sir, only I'm
on my oath"
No, gentle Araminta, the Punic
war was not a fight between two para
graphers. 1t isn't pronounced that
way.
Said lady to the famous actor,
Garrick: 81 wish yuu were taller"
MADAME" replied the wit, "how hap.
py should be to stand higher in your
estimation"
An old fellow reading newspaper
headline, "War against the Afghans," 4"
said he was glad of it he never did
like "them circus blankets"
Father, TO sleepy boy-"Comp,
James, you ought to be up with the
lark on such a beautiful morning."
Matter-Of-fact bOy-"That's all right,
but how'm l goin' to get up there?''
Autumn poetry and opinions of emf
nent persons concerning yellow fever,
its probable cause and certain core,
should be banded in before snow comes
If Intended fol publication.
Necessity has no law. Parson
(eternly) -"IIow could you come to
church to be married to man IN such
a state as that !" Bride (weeping) )-"It
wasn't my fault, sir. l never can get
him to come when lie is soberl"
She was noodle and he was noodle,
and when their marriage was announced,
| Simmons, who knew and appreciated them
both, exclaimed with tears standing in his
eyes,
Two souls without single thought
do you say your prayers regular
ly every night and morning?" asked a
sympathetic lady of little shoe. black
to whom she had just given TITLE. II
allus SEE 'um at night, mum; but any
smart boy can take care of hissrlf In tue
daytime" was the little rogue's reply.
The religious newspapers of Eng.
land are discussing the momentous
question. "Ought clergymen to wear
moustaches?" contemporary thinks
that, as cold weather comes on, they
should, and on days Of extreme severi.
ty they might add a pair of trousers aud
q thick vest.
"A gentlman in New Orleans was
agreeably surprised to find plump tur-
key served up for his dinner, aud in
quired of his servant how it was obtain
ed. "Why, sir" replied Sambo 'det
turkey has been rOOsting on our fence
tree nights SO dlsmOrning seize him
for de rent of de fence"
He cl inns to be an ex. Latin School
boy, and is soliciting money to aid him
in reaching his grandmothpr's funeral.
Two victims" suggest that as he has
been trying six weeks, and has not yet
caught up with the procession, he needs
no further aid, unless 1t be from the pU.
lice.
"A squirrel saw a man late In the
| fall wsthout an Overcoat. Said he TO
Mrs. Squirrel "Going to be q mild
winter this year, Nancy; mnn go with-
out Overcoats." Moral-It Is as easy
/ for the squirrel to tell what the weather
will be by what the man wears, as for
the man by what the squirrel wears.
--'What have they taken the hands
| off the town clock fOI ?" asked a citi-
zen WHO had walked half square and
looked around the corner seven or eight
times, only to find blank face staring
at him. ITO warm them, you fool!"
| put In a street corner ornament, who
stood leaning against building shiyer-
ing hard enough to shake 1t down.
Farmers In the vicinity of the lakes
where ducks do congregate are having
their cattle measured for sheet iron
blankets, to ward off the shot of hunters.
Some are driving their cattle to the
woods until The season Is over, while
others who have tough old steers, let
them gra re around the lakes, and pick
the shot out of the hide and sell them
again.
"A seedy looking individual stepped
into one of our gentlemen's furnishing
stores recently, and asked for a pair OF
four ply cuffs. The articles were hand
ed him, and he examined them In a
dubious sort OF way. and then remark
ed See herel These amt the right
thing, / want the four ply kind-them
that you can turn four times Without
washing"
The champion long nosed man re.
sides at Sacramento. Its owner was at
breakfast, when friend seated on tie
opposite side OF the table, know ing him
to be little near.sighted, remarked.
There's fly on the end Of your nose"
els theTe?" responded the owner OF
the horn of plenty. 81 didn't know It.
Just please scare him off; you're near.
er to him than l amp"
The Springfield Republican says
that Zone seldom sees anything VOlup-
tuous or iambayant, or, on the other
hand, anything blanched aud etiOlated"
among the Boston girls. Right. hut
what you always do see. when you
meet representative Boston girl, is her
last translation Of the Dies ITe clasped
in her right hand, and in her lett SON
net either to Brahma, the OveTsOul or
lnS Olu OOutn,
Rudolph Graves had not been mar
rled lOng-nOt long enough to have be-
come an expert nurse. In fact this
was the FIRST pledge OF love that had
blessed the Graves union. that Rudolph,
with total failure 10 regard or IeeOg-
Mise the responsibilities Incurred, pro-
missed to keep for an hour, during his
Wife's absence shopping. When she
returned she found Rudolph playing
the garden hose over baby. He had
tried everything else, he said, 10 keep
it quiet, and this seemed to sOothe il.
Dramatic criticism in the near IN.
tuTe; "The part of Cordelia, perhaPs
the most affecting of all the mighty
masters creations. WAS sustained by
princess robe Of white pout de sole,
with large bunehes eeru, turn
ed up, and cut bias diamond orna-
ments The unVialdiuQ never vyayar