Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1878-09-09
What is the best way to curb a wild
voun0 man2 BRIDAL him.

What is the best way to curb wild
young man? Bridal him.
Women love flowers and birds. They
are, however, not SO partial to swallows
as the men are.
A clergyman asked an ignorant boy if
he had ever been baptized. mo, sir, I"
said the lad, ''not as know of, but I've
been waxinated."
Sidney Smith once rebuked swearing
visitor by saying, "Let us assume that
everything and everybody are damned,
and proceed with our subject"
"How old are you?" asked conduc-
tor to little girl who was trying to ride
on half fare. 81 am nine at home, but
in the cars am only six and half"
A doctor went out for days hunting,
and on coming home, complained that he
hadn't killed anything. "That's because
you didn't attend to your legitimate bus
iness," said his wife.
Mrs. Partington, in illustration of the
proverb, ga soft answer turneth away
wrath" says that "It is better speak
paragorically of a person than to be all
the time finging epitaphs at him."
A young man in Orange county, Va,
is said to have visited his sweetheart
forty times in five weeks, and the old
man begins to wonder where the fellow
got his living before he met his daughter.
An old gentleman has just died in
Illinois who held the Office of postmaster
in a small town for more than thirty
years. He said he thought he might
have worried through another summer il
there hadn't been so many postal cards
to read.
Why do ducks put their heads in the
water? For divers reason. Why d.
they take them out? For sundry reas
ons. Why do they put them in again
To liquidate their little bills. Why dt
they take out again I? To make rur
on the banks.
The gentleman whose lips pressed {
lady's snowy brow, caught a severe cold
The lady who had spark in her eye
is suffering with match in the other
The gentleman who was devoured witt
loves fame, recovered when his lady
love threw cold water on his proposals.
"You see," said physician to a dys
peptic, who had called on him for advice
"you don't take sufficient exercise. Yo1
lead too sedentary life-don't wall
enough. What's your occupation ?" Tn
physician was mortified when the NAL
replied; "l've been letter carrier 70
over dozen years"
A number of gentlemen who were talk
ing about agriculture dwelt good dea
on the bad husbandry of the farmin
regions, when lady present gave spic
to the discussion by saying: "Gentlemcn
the worst husbandry seen in this countr
is when you harrow up the feelings {
your wives"
"Now, then, madame, please loo
steadily at this place on the wal" sal
a photographer to an old lady, when b
had put her in position, and the plate i
the camera. The old lady looked har
at the spot indicated, then got up an
walked across the floor and minutely il
spected it, and then turning to the PHI
tOgrapher, gently remarked. 81 don't Sc
anything there"
A sign on a house on Crogham Stre'
informs the public that washing is dor
, there, and it is quite natural that m
chanic working near by should take
bundle under his arm and call there ar
ask of boy on the step: "Bub, is Il
washwoman in?" "No, sir! !" was IL
e prompt reply; "there's no washwoms
lives here at ALL" "But that sign sa,
= washing done here,'" remarked the ma
"Spose it does ?" remarked the boy in
higher key-"spose it does? A laC
i may become the victim of unfortuna
circumstances to such an extent that s.
is willing to wash and iron shirts. b
that doesn't make washwoman of be
does it?" 81 thought it did," said t
F! man. "Humph, if you draw bug
down to the shop to be repaired, dc
!. that make horse of you?" The m
"a was silently turning away, when the b
ou added: "If you want to find the la
as as of unfortunate circumstances, 60 rou
to the side door, but the washerwom
50 isn't at home"