West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-11-09
WAIFS AND WHIMS.

! '"J"''N N'uNN"h'V VheNV IL nope lot nap
| pincss. a
THE latest song is, Why does sister
lace 40 tight, when mamma says abe
mustn'tP
! EXCELLENCE encourages one about
life generally; IL shows the spiritual
wealth of the world.
SOMEBODY wrote to Hamilton Fish 20
get ms terms for lecture, and he re
plicd, &C. .. ID. Fish" ,ffa.n.l
In kearney succeeds I'm making the
Chinese go, perhaps he will turn his at
tention TO the Keely Motor. .-.3,i.-
SOME one ought to invent sewing
machine TO collect rents, mend manners
and repair family breaches. tIH ,l2
An old lady said she had often seen
men struck with a happy thought, but
could never see where IL hit EN-.
WHEN widower and widow, both
with children, get married nowadays
they call IL pooling their issues"
No person, animal, insect, compound
or thing will work harder, for brief
period, than cider. Edcnburg Herald.
POWER is not always proportionate 60
the will. One should be consulted be
fore the other, hut thegenerality of men
begin by willing and act afterward NJ
they can. t..f-s
THAT parrot OF mine is wonderful
bird" said Smithers; che cries stop
thief so naturally that every time /
hear II always stop. What arc you
laughing at, any wayP
III you desire little choerfulnees and
content, take Lincoln's advice and don't
attempt TO cross any possibly broken
bridges before you reach them, Lot tho
future take care OF itself
THEY pulled tho boots of man be
fore they bIried him in Deadwo0d the
other day, causing the local papers to
come out in n severe article denouncing
extravaganza at funerals"
FULLY two.thirds of mans labor II
done gratis, and he can consider himself
fortunate TO receive pay for one-third.
There is, however, one consolation that
some mans work is not worth much
YouNo man, never go courting in
October without clean handkerchief
in your pocket. The day and the hour
on which cold in the head cometh no
man Observation-Disclosures Chronicle
Herald.
WITH Edison's new machine you can
see aman hundred miles away, but you
cannot zee with il the man owing you n
little bill who lodges around the corner
when he notices you coming Turner'S
rails Reporter. -14a rf1.an"
EDITORS arc generally poorly of for
clothing. When you hear Of one Of them
having two suits, you can calculate that
one is the suit he wears every day and
Sundays, too, and the other is q libel
suit.-Rome Sentinel. .....
Z" ] WISH you would not give me such
short weight for my money, said a Gus
toner to his grocer, who had an out
standing bill against him. "And j wish
you wouldn't give me such long wait
for mine," replied the grocer. 'hiiHi
a MICHIGAN man, recently deceased,
willed one dollar to his daughter TO pur-
chase a rope with which 20. hang her
husband. The old mans will has not
yet been tested and neither has the son,
in-law's neck.-C Chicago journal. .
ROBINSON went up TO his room Tho
other afternoon, and noticed that there
WAS only one match remaining in tho
box. Now If that shouldn't burn to-
night when | come in" sOliloquized no,
what fx'Iworld be i'm" So he tried
70 see If it was good one. 10 was.
THERE is man in Louisiana who is
such confirmed gambler that whom be
was told the other day that friend had
been stricken down by the "chill, cold
hand Of death" he Immediately went
out TO raise It, declaring that no fTfan
could play cold hand on any friend,of
| his" ..i1.
An American tourist was visiting
| Naples, and saw Vemvius during an
eruption Have you anything like
that in the New WordP was the ques.
tion OF an Italian spectator. "No," re.
I piled Jonathan, but guess we have n
mill.dam that would put IL out in five
/ minutesW
III lives in the country, and he
wanted 10 get married, but his remark
was applicable even unto the youth CT
tho city: can almost support myself
now, and IL must he a mighty poor sort
Of woman who can't do the rest" II
there a father and mother who wish 70
take another boarder?
ATan auction art sale, the other day,
r marine view was about to be knocked
down at handsome figure, when bluff
sailor who had happened 10 wonder in,
exclaimed earnestly, Ny stars, II there
ain vessel drifting on the rocks with
n strong breeze blowing of shore. The
artist took his work home 10 rearrauge
the wind.
MR SIMPSON, an Englisb magistrate,
in order 20 inform himself a. 70 tbe
tasks set for tramps, has been practicing
as an amateur stone breaber. He says
"I found fully three-fmrths Of the
stones such as any unskilled man IN
moderate health could manage but the
remainder we're beyond the power Of ar
Impractical hand. The fact was that ]
did not understand the grain OF par
ticular stones, which n practiced hand
would have split easily and I have nj
doubt that, through ignorance Of ths
work, exercised sufficient strength n
have broken four times the quantity
did i can understand why a weakly
man, ignorant Of stone breaking, prefer.
. to go 10 jail" Mr. Simpson recon-
mend5 that a copy Of Instructions or
, stone breaking be hung in every cell, &
Z be read 10 those vagrants who oannO