West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-08-24
W AIFS AND wbIMS.

A FULL ticket ALL the candidates
drunk.
TuE best way to condemn bad traits
is 10y practicing good ones
WHAT n dressmaker can boast" Pm
engaged 10 sew and sew"
THE main difference between men, In
significant and great, is energy.
DoEs young man with one arm have
nm oil-hand way of doing thingsP
Ir is calculated that 420, orc, 900 mum
mics must be deposited in the pits of
Egypt.
A W.T. recently defined n masked ball
IA mcrciful institution for plain
women.
THERE are two things well bred people
always do at the table, pass the bread
and bad hand.
ILLUSTRATED with cuts Editorialex-
changes. illustrated with plates-Tables
of summer hotels.
SOME Chicago papers are beginning TO
publish marriages under the head of
" Limited Partnerships"
ONE Western journal forcibly charac-
terizes another as vacillating as a flea
twenty minutes alter bedtime"
THE girls of Tuscola, Illinois, place
blue ribbon and II mitten on "A table
when their lovers come 10 visit them,
and say, "Choose."
A WAC being asked the name of the
inventor of butter-stamps, replied that IL
was probably Cadmus, as he first
brought letters into Greece.
Tue immortal Raphael painted his
own face and made, no doubt, an ex-
cellent Likeness. Many n lady paints
her own face and makesno likeness atall.
"MY rule for punctuating," said the
hazy-eyed compositor, lis TO go IL az
long as can hold my breath, and then
slap in n period"
Ir might be called refined torture when
n sweetheart visits her lover in Jail and
tells him what good time she expects
To have at picnic.
A MAN can't be talked TO death
in Georgia on Sunday. They have n
law down there obliging tho barber
shops TO suspend business on the Lords
day.
JAY CHARLTON, in the Danbury NeDs,
says a strong grasp of the hand betokens
"a strong heart. What n magnificent
hearta lobster must have. - Turner'S Falls
Reporter.
THAT interruptions and toothless pre-
varicator, the oldest inhabitant, has
been driven into corner, and made TO
own up that he never saw any weather
like this"
MODERN finance seems 20 consist Of
doing business with other folks
money, and in such way that whatever
bappeus il will be their money that Is
lost and not yours.
A MICROPHoNE has been placed in the
pulpit OF chapel in Halifax, Eng. and
the rector intends 10 find out in short
order whetn or or not he can keep the
cougregationawake.
GRIaGINs has an idea that married
men suffer much less than bachelors
during hot weather. IL is 80 easy, he
says, 10 bring on GOODNESS by finding
fault with the cooking.
A YOUNG lady in Sacramento became
a raving maniac through taking arsenic
TO beautily her complexion. II il sur
missed that she was something Of luna
tic before she began 10 use it.
THERE Is no more trying moment in
the life Of new Murphy convert than
when he looks up suddenly in his walk
and finds schooner" sign on beer
saloon staring him in the eyes.
THE great wall of China is one of the
most remarkable achievements Of ancient
or modern times, and yet some people
think n Chinaman never did or ever
will know much more than mule.
A CHRONrC growler, who lives In a
bOarding-hOuse on GiTard-street, keeps
the landlady In n state Of torment by
always remarking gatmeal-time, "Things
are getting tough, J tell you"
A COW at East Fishkill that had been
bitten a few months ago by rabid dog
died with hydrophobia a few days since,
Just after being MIXED. Her milk had
been used in the family and drawn by her
calf.
THERE is no brighter moment in the
life Of a young lady of ton than when
the happy discovery is made that she
can at lasi balance a pair of eyeglasses
on her nose withoutsquinting Byeakfdst
Table.
fir now looks rs though the recent
| burning Of the eighty thousand models
] In the Patent Office at Washington was
q merciful dispensdtion Of Providence TO
make room for tho productions Of Mr..
Edison
a LEOPARD and fox had q contest
as TO which was the finer creature Of
/ the two. The leopard put forward its
numberless spots but the fox replied !:
| at is better 10 have a versatile mind
than a vahegated body"
AMBITION is to the mind what the cap
/ is to the falcon; IL blinds us first, and
/ then compels as 10 tower by reason Of
our blindness. But, alas when we are
I at the summit Of a vain ambition, we
arc also at the depth Of misery.
FRENCH VERSION.
IA petite Marie had le June muttong,
he wool was blanche as ~ snow.
And everywhcrof A. belle Marie vent
/ Le Jane mu tong was cure TO 10.
/ Oui, monsieur aver very large imagina-
\ ton, mas comment est this pour Deuische'
Dot Msry baf got ein leedie schaf
Nit hair just Ike some WOOL