, 1878-03-08
Humorous.

A MAN was telling his wife about "a
club with home comforts when she
sighed "Ah! wish had home with
club comfortsW
WHAT is the difference between the
Prince of Wales and jet of waterl The
prince is'heir to the throne, and the jet is
thrown to the air.
A GARRULoUs barber, happening to he
called to shave Archclaus, asked him
SHOW shall l shave you, sirf" "In 81
lence," was the reply.
The principal of a Kansas college re-
Gently attempted to purchase what he
called, with great enunciation, "eleving
doing skeins of cotting batting"
"TuAT prisoner has very smooth
countenance, said the judge to the sher-
iff "Yes," responded the sheriff, "be
was ironedjust before he was brought in"
"Wuo is that gentleman walking with
Miss Flintl" said wag to his companion,
as they sauntered along the Fifth avenue.
"Oh!' replied the other, "that is spark
which she has struck"
A VISITOR, who wanted his boots
blacked, said to his host, on retiring:
"I'll put my boots outside the door of my
ROOM" to which the host naively replied:
"All right-nobody III touch 'eln."
"WHAT is life insurance'" exclaimed a
bold agent in street Car to victim Of
a busted company. II can answer that"
replied the victim, at is the art of keep
ing man poor all through life in order
that he may die rich"
DoCToR TO a hypochondriac patienD-
"You eat, drink, and sleep well, don't
you2" Patient "Yes, but" Doctor
Gnterrupting and handing prescription
"Here, have this made up and take it,
Well soon stop all thatl"
$50 there's another rupture on Mount
Vociferous," said Mrs. Partington, as she
put down the paper and put up her
specs; "the papers tell about the burst
ing lather running down the mountain,
but it don't tell how it got fire."
A GIRL on Salt river, KY, struck a
croquet partner on the head with NAL
let, brain fever set in, and the young man
nearly died. The girl was kept under ar
rest till he was out of danger, and when
he got we'll she married him, and then he
was sorry he didn't die.
KEEP your eye on the main chance,
my boy, if you would be one of the i'm
mortals in the roll of fame" said an old
bachelor to his impecunious nephew; to
which the young man replied: "Oh, the
roll of fame be hanged, uncle! What |
want now is a roll of bread"
The color of girls hair is regulated
by the size Of her fathers pocket book.
If the latter be plethoric, the girls tress,
es are golden or auburn; if the old mans
wallet is lean, we hear the daughter spok.
en- of as only "that red-headed GAL" You
never saw rich girl with red hair.
A GENTLEMAN called at Logan House
early one forenoon, wishing to see the
laird. "Oh, sir" said the servant, "he
has some company wi him" II am
afraid that have called too soon they'll
not have done with breakfast" "'Deed,
sir, it's yesterdays dinner they're not
done wi'.n
"WILL you always trust me, dearest2'
he asked, looking down into her dark
blue eyes with inexpressible affection.
She was a oaleswOman, and of practi-
cal turn of mind, and she answered :
"Dear Charles, business is business, and
you'll have to pay cash down at our store,
e5ery time"
DOcroR JOHNSON, being once much an
noyed at dinner by young fop who
sat opposite to him, and who laughed i'm
moderately at everything the doctor said,
at last lost all patience, and silenced the
fop by exclaiming: "Sir, why do you
laugh2 | trust that have said nothing
which you can understandw
He was SO drunk that he could not
walk, could scarcely move and only par
tally articulate. A friend of his came
up and upbraided him. "If 1 were in
your place." said bis friend, "Id go out
in the woods and hang myself" "If
(hic) you were (hic) in my place, how
Chic) the deuce (hic) would you get to
lhic) the woodsl" was the squelching
inquiry.
INSECTS generally must lead joyful
hlc, Think what 1t must be TO lodge in
lily! Imagine palace of ivory or
pearl, with pillars of silver and capitals
OF gold, all exhaling such a perfume as
never arose from human censor Fancy,
again, the fun of tuckipg yourself up for
the night in the folds Of a rose, rocked to
sleep by the gentle sighs of summer air,
and nothing to do when you awake but to
wash yourself in dew-drop and fall to
and eat your bedclothes
SHERIDAN, to test the acoustic quail
ties Of new theatre he had built, de-
sired the carpenter to speak on the stage,
while he would go and listen to him
from the gallery. "Now, them" said
Sheridan, when he had assembled. The
carpenter responded: 81 and my mates
nave been working here for the last elk