The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-01-05
NUMBER II.
PASSING SMILES.

THE man who would like to see
you--The blind man.
How to make q catfish-Lcave her
alone in room with an aquarium.
THE most ludicrous epitaph we ever
met with is to be found at Pewsey in
Bedfordshire. 1t runs in this WISE
liz who breads giving light to the
people is like a man who builds house
without windows for fear of lightning.
THE times are so hard in some parts
of the West that the clergymen an
nounce they will marry folks in clubs of
zen or twenty at much reduced rates.
A CHUNK of wisdom from Josh Bill
ings: Don't despise your poor rela-
tions, They might get rich some time,
aud then it would be so hard to explain
/ things
The editor of child's paper received
letter from lady subscriber recently,
in which was written; Our Annie
died last week, after reading the last
number of your valuable paper"
''rere lies the body OF
Lady q iooney,
Great niece Of Burke, commonly
Called the sublime.
She was
Also she painted In waier-coors,
And sem, several pictures 70 the Exposition.
She was first cousin to Lady Jones,
And Of such is the kingdom OF Heaven"
THE Petersburg Sun wants to know
What is the use of 4 teacher who don't
teach?' And now how thin an argu-
ment is thatl Doesn't the wisest body
of Lawmakers in the world chnase for
their Speaker the man who isn't expected
to speak?
THE idea of comparing man to a
worm probably originated in the fact
that If n woman finds one of the latter
crawling near her, she is disposed to
make as much fuss over it as she does
over her first beau.
A MEDDLEsoME old woman was sheer
ing at young mothers awkwardness
with her infant, and said: 1" declare a
woman never ought to have baby un-,
less she knows how to handle it" Nor
tongue either quietly responded the
young mother.
(WHICH President wore the biggest
hatT' asked Normal School girl OF ex-
State Treasurer Mackey the other even
ing. Bob guessed several times unsuc-
eessfully, and then the bright-eyed Miss
said. "Why the one that had the big
gest head, to be sure"
A SuoRT-LINE engineer informs
correspondent of the Madisopyille (Ky.l
Times that young man with his head
out ut the car window went TO kiss his
grandmother goodbye, and the train
pulled out so fast that he kissed an old
negro woman at the next station.
A LITTLE five. year old girl had been
hanished to the hall for disobedience.
Presently a curious stamping OF little
fleet was4 heards there, followed by a
percmptory knock at the door by little
fingers. "Who's there /" was asked.
" Dodln was the stout reply from the
hall. " He wants to tum right in, too,
for its toldr'
THE NEW DAY.
when the great SUI sets me gau East aflame,
The lingering stars are swiftly put to flight;
For day triumphant, overthrows the night
And mocks the lights that twinkled I'll he cane
The waning moon retires In sudden shame,
And ali The air, from roseate height to height,
Ouivers with wings Of birds that take the Light
With jubilnnt music of one tender name
So thou hast risen thou who art my day
And every lesser light has ceased TO shine;
Pale stars, confronted by this dawn Of thine
Like night and gloom aud grief have passed awhy
And yet my bliss fear to call 1t mine,
Lest fresh foes Turk with unforeseen dismay.
--Louise Chandler Mouif0n.
OLD Mr.. Meriden had been married
forty three years, when his wife died last
week. He didn't appear to miss her
very much until bedtime, when he sat
down and stuck out his foot for some-
BODY to come and pull off his boot. And
then. when his son-in-law eoldly handed
him the bootiack, the full weight Of the
;rrenarable loss he had sustained broke
upon the old man, and he gave way TO .
food of tears. As for the bootjack, 1t
had been 80 long since he had seen 0ne5
he didn't know how to use it.
BARRIERE, the French dramatist,
once decided to kill himself, loaded his
pistol and called in a friend to receive
his diving wishes. The friend did not
ATTEMPT to dissuade him, but calmly
iotted down the dying wishes, then,
while Barriere was. writing farewell
letter, took up the pistol and began ex-
, aiming it. 1t was cooked and the
muzzle was pointing directly at Lar,
riere The intending suicide ducKed
under the table with remarkable agihty,
CRYING: "Look out The thing IS
loaded You'll be shooting me the hrst
thing you know"
CHE is not handsome, but he has such
pleasant way that one cannot help llk-
| ing him, is a remark often made con-
corning some popular man. And there
are thousand pretty, engaging little
ways which every person may put on
without running the risk Of being
deemed affected or foppish. The sweet
smile, the cordial bow, the earnest move
ment in addressing a friend, the inqulr-
ing glance, the graceful attention which
is SO captivating when united with self.
possession, these will insure us the good
regards of even churl.
FRANKFORT (Ky.) Yeonsan: Sam.
Luscher ordered bulldog from Gin
cinnati. 1t was sent by express IN =
! oLo,r,aA iraaido SnYt1Q-