The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1878-05-23
Ill Sorts of Paragraphs.

"A mar can profess more religion in
fifty minutes than he can practice by
working hard for fifty years.
A pupil being asked to name the
bones in the head answered: II have
them all in my head, but cannot give
them"
- There is good reason why little
man should never marry a bouncing
widow. He might be called "the wild
owls mite"
- Sarah Ann-Oh, amt my brother
clever boy, Eliza Jane? He's only been
To school two months, and he's got the
catechism !! Eliza Jane-Wot's that !
Why, my brother has only been to school
two weeks, and he's got the measles!
| -"Use great prudence and circum.
spection in choosing thy wife" said Lord
| Burleigh to his son "for from thence
will spring all thy future good or evil;
and it is an action of life like unto a
stratagem of war, wherein man can err
but once"
| -"No demagogue should be nomina-
ted for any Office. We want no time.
servers, no man who will hesitate to do
his duty if elected, for fear he will
| not be reelected. High motives, manly
action, self-sacrifce, and elevated aims,
were never so much in demand as now"
Lawyer-How do you identify this
handkerchief? Witness-By its general
appearance and the fact that I have 9th
ers like it. Counsel-Thats no proof,
for I have got one just like it in my
pocket. Witness-I don't doubt that, as
I have had more than one of the same
sort stolen.
A bevy of children were telling
what they got at school. The eldest got
reading, spelling, and definitions. "And
what did you get, little one?" asked the
father, to rosy-cheeked little fellow,
who was at the time was slyly driving
ten.penny nail into the door-panel.
"Me? l gets readin', spellin', and
spankin'!
When Napoleon III made tri-
umphal entry into Bordeaux soon after
the coup d'etat, it was arranged that
from an arch of flowers under which he
was to pass, an imperial crown should
hang, surmounted "He we'll deserves it."
But the wind blew away the crown, and,
when the usurper passed under the arch,
to the great joy Of the Republicans,
only q rope with moose at the end of it
dangled there, with: "He we'll deserves
it" standing out in bold relief above it.
"A good-looking Irishmau, stopping
at hotel to warm himself, inquired of
the landlord, "What was the news 2"
The landlord, disposed to run upon him,
replied, "They say the devil is dead"
can sure" says Pat, "thats news in.
dade." Shortly after he went to the bar,
laid down some coppers, and resumed his
seat. The landlord, always ready for a
customer, asked him what he would take.
"Nothing at ALL" said Pat. "Why,
then, did you put this money here 2"
cam sure, sir, it's the custom in me own
country, when chap looses his daddy
to give him few coppers to help pay for
the wake"
Two men, fresh from Cincinnati,
visited New York, and one, well &C.
quainted with the city, invited his friend
to Delmonico's, where dinner for two
and bottle of wine was ordered. The
place and fare were praised until the bill
of S11 was presented. This they consid-
cred an extortion. They paid, however,
and while walking down Broadway the
excited German commenced to swear at
the supposed extortion. His friend them
said, "Do not shwear, Yawcob. 1t Isl
wicked to shwear. God has punished dot
] man Delmonico. I have mine pocket
full nit spoons" "-PailadezDhia Herald.
- The New York Times says, proba-
bly, with perfect truth, that no street In
the world represents in the short space
of two miles and a half anything like
the enormous aggregate of wealth repre-"
sented by Fifth Avenue residents be-
tween Washington Square and Central
Park. 1t gives few names: DR.. Rhi"
uelader, 100000; NJ. O. Roberts,
$5,OOO0OO; Moses Taylor, $4,000, 900 +;
Auguste Belmont, $8,0O0,000; Robert L.
and A. Stuart, S5,OO0,000; Mrs. Parau
Stevens, $4,000, 900; Amos R. Emo, So
100000; John Jacob and VIM. B. Astor,
S6O,OOO,0O0; Mrs. A. T. Stewart, S50,-
UUU,UUU, fleIIe hotiIalu, SojOvu,Voo
James Kernochan, 100000; William
H. Vanderbilt, S75,00O,000; Mrs. CAL
vert Jones, s2,0O0,0O0; james Gordon
Bennett, A,0O0,000; Frederick Stevens,
$1O,OO0,000; Lewis Lorillard, 81 600, 900.
Total, S248,00O,000. Here we have
| eighteen families living near each other
| who derive fixed yearly incomes from a
canital between S240. 600. 900 and $780,
100000.
"A Tichborn case on small scale
is reported from Butler County Pa.
Thirty years ago Emily Ward left her
home, and, as nothing was ever heard of
her, the family finally concluded that
she must be deed. Not long ago a woman
appeared to the dwellers on the old
homestead, claiming to be the long-lost
Emily. The family were overjoyed, and
accepted her without question. But as
the weeks passed and old time came to
be more talked over, the Newcomer man
ifested so much ignorance about events
and associations of Emily's youth, and
told such conflicting stories, that srspi-
cion was aroused and she was finally turn
ed off as an imposter. The youngest
brother, however, remained convinced of
her identity, and has helped her bring a
suit for her share of the estate, which
recent oil discoveries have made worth
100000. The trial occurred last week,
and exposed the adventures COM
pletely she proved to be New York
woman, while the mystery Of the long
lost sister was at last cleared up by the
discoveries that she died in Pennylva-
MIA town soon after leaving homein 1858.
= The large and distinguished family
of which General Wade Hampton is SO
brilliant member furnished 1000 men
to the Confederate army. Among them
may be named General Joseph E. John:
ston, Albert Sidney Johnston, Edward
Johnston, J. B. Floyd, John G. Breckin.
ridge, John S. and William Preston, Of
Virginia, with Colonel R. T. Preston, of
the same State. No less than five Gov
ernors of Virginia we're of this family
! ~ Nr-n1n r...lo1