The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1878-09-27
WHAT The WITS SAY.

Vassar girls oath-Buy gum.
The feathered tribes Indians .-Bos-
| ton Post.
Edwin Forrest does not draw much now.
He is a trotting horse.-Neso Orleans
Picayune.
A joker challenged sick mans vote at a
city election on the ground that he was an
i'll legal voter.
Nothing makes baldheaded man so mad
as a fly that doesn't know when it has
enough Hawkeye.
Baltimore EUery Saturday.: "Why are free
lunch fiends good indicators of the weather !?
Because they are bar-room. eaters.
English army officers growl at their COM
Portable barracks, when they stayed for
months in Ashantee. Boston Post.
Those we shall Miss-Our daughters, till
they are married.-Boston Commercial
Bulletin. And when they are married
"They shall meet and they shall missus."
N. 7. Commercial Adgertsser.
Josh Billings: Cider may be good
temperance drink, but can manage to get
SO drunk on it that kant tell one of the
10 commandments from bye-law ov a
baseball club.
A seaside belle left her bathing shoes
hanging out of her hotel window to dry,
and the next day the local paper announced
"that such a hotel had put up new awnings
of an unique design
"Who Is the head man Of this town."
asked a stranger. And when boy
promptly answered, "The barber!" the
stranger looked puzzled and said he wanted
to know who was the mayor.-Erchange.
A correspondent of the St. Louis Globe
Democrat tells this story: IAN Irishman,
upon his arrival in the United States, noting
the great number of military titles, exclaim-
ed, sWhat a dlvil of a battle has been
fought near here, where all the privates
wese kilt"
Edison told St. Louis reporter that in
bis telegraphic days he once tramped 1900
miles to get situation in New Orleans,
where he was operating in the fall of 1866.
Itappears the Crescent City was entertain
ing an inventive angel on her aires, for his
genius had not then cropped out.-New
Orleans Picayune.
Tell us not in mournful numbers that
this life is but dream, when girl that
weighs one hundred gets outside of quart
of cream and then wants more-Elmsra
Gazette. Life is real, life Is earnest, and
the girls know what they need, but on
cream they are the durnest set to show
their grit and greed. No encore.-New
York NeUs. Let us then, be up and doing
with heart for any fate but never let US
60 a wooing girls that wants second plate.
how's that.-Neaosboy. Dust thou art a
fool in boarding, it's the road to honey
moons, love is ife'a ice oream, Or leastways,
but q matter of two spoons. Ironical
laughter. Cincinnati Commercial.
The Rev. Henry Ward Beecher a while
ago went to a hotel in city of New Jersey
for nights stay. He ordered supper, and
after taking few sips Of coffee, called the
colored waiter and said "Can you give
me your service this EVENING"" "Yes,
sah," said the waiter briskly. "The mat
ter is one of Importance, said Mr.. Beecher
solemnly. "Perhaps had better speak to
the landlord myself about it," "Oh no,
sah," said the sable attendant, fearful of
losing the humping fee that the preachers
earnestness foreshadowed. 81 can give
you all the time you need" "Well, then, !"
said Mr.. Beecher, with added solemnity, 81
want you to sit up tonight with this coffee.
It is SO weak it is going to die before morn
ing" There was moment of pathetic
silence, and the waitor withdrew.