The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-03-07
PASSING SMILES.

TIE old gentleman who married four
girls out of the same family was very
sister-matic in his proceedings.
A SUNDAY-soHooIa boy, upon being
asked what made the tower of Pisa lean,
replied, Because of the famine in the
land"
SUNDAY school Teacher-Who was
the strongest man. Boy-Jonah; be-
cause the whale couldn't hold him after
he got him down. 1850
A FACETIous- old gentleman, who
thought his tive sons consumed too much
time in hunting and shooting, styled
them Nimrod and Ramrod. -
The man who comes to the depot two
minutes behind time, and sees the rail-
road train scudding out at the other end,
derives no satisfaction from the prov
erb, Better late than never"
WHOEVER sincerely endeavors to do
all the good he can, will probably do
much more than he imagines, or will
ever know to the day of judgement, when
the secrets of all hearts shall be made
manifest.
AFTER the storm had ceased, the other
day, he remarked to his wife: "Guess
the snow is all over" eyes" she
replied, call over the ground" He
orly said: Its snow jokin' matter"
This cutter a little.
Some naughty boys in Belfast, Maine,
painted out the first three letters on the
sign of Arnold Exchange. They
might have accomplished more and with
less trouble by merely prefexmg a D."
-Ne,0 York Commercial.
Chow is it, - sharply asked wealthy
aunt of her portionless niece, that
you have never kindled fame in any
mans hearth !" / don't know, aunt"
she replied, meekly. "I suppose it is
because am not good match"
"WHY did you leave your last place"
inquired young housekeeper about to
engage new servant. "Why, you see,
ma am" replied the applicant, was
too good-looklng, and when Iopened the
door folks took me for the. .misus."
SAYS the Philadelphia Chronicle:
"Don't put too much faith in Coldwater
men. William Martin, of Coldwater,
Michigan, got drunk, fell from third
story window and killed himself. That's
| the kind of a Coldwater man he is"
Two card-playing friends were pass
ing through fine forest, when one
asked the other this audacious question: !:
"Why cannot the proprietor of this for
est fell his own timberw Because no
one is allowed to cut when it is his own
DEAL" @ E5 5-t tsrsc5
A BROOKLYN paper, speaking of a
workman in a hat factory in that city
who was so unfortunate as to have his
entire beard torn off by being caught in
revolving belt, says that it was mar
row escape. 1t was rather close shave,
| that's a fact.
A FATHER lately induced a croupy
little boy to make a healthy meal of
buckwheat cakes and molasses; but the
latter proved to be syrup of squills.
The boy said he thought something allied
the molasses the very minute his father
! told him to eat all he wanted.
AN energetic revivalist is conducting
meetings in Baptist church in Lexing-
ton, KY. He breaches a sermon in
which the delights of heaven and the
horrors of hell are vividly described,
and then taking out his watch, says:
al will give sinners exactly five minutes
to choose"
| POSTAL POEM.
In Cincinnati, o-high-o,
| There dwells a maiden fair;
| Green is the eolor, of her dark blue eye,
And black is her golden hair.
/ Her smile Is like the Mammoth Cave,
And turn-up pug is her nose;
And she makes noise like the oceans roar
When her organ of smell she blows.
Now hie thee fast the country past,
Ger mountain, dale, and wave,
-..s AND nnd, II you can, you good postman,
This beauty of whom rave.
/ On street, No. 2s4,
She dwells with her father and mother.
/ So take her this note, and say it was wrote
By her most affeetionate brother.
OUTSIDE the meetin' '-house-Deacon
Norwood Ito Elder Tompkins): Yes,
sir; man with hope and without no
faith is Just like young man in row.
boat, who amt got but one oar, and
rows round and round in a circle and
don't get nowhere. Small boy (ata safe
distance): If he warn't darn fool he'd
scull
If you dream of ring-tailed monkey
chewing bar soap on the top of an
obelisk, and scratching the small of his
back with his left hind foot, on which
there is blister of the eighth potential
ity, and of two years standing, it means
that you will meet cross-eyed girl the
next time you go hunting for raccoons
in a reservoir.
THE wife of a sexton belonging to one
of the churches in wealthy locality,
] was last week interrupted in the middle
of an harangue upon the hardness of the
times by person who desired to sell
her couple of ducks. "Ducksp ex-
claimed She " How can buy ducks or
anything else? We have not buried a
living soul these six months"
PERSONALITIES are something severe.
A gentleman said to a surgeon, My
daughter is very i'll; she sometimes falls
in a swoon, and continued for hours
| without understanding" The surgeon
replied: Well, she is not as ill as l
feared, for have actually known cases
in which people were SO afflicted that
they remained all their lives without
understanding"
/ His Title at Court.
Editors Drawer in Harper's Magazine.l
i Robert Heller, in one of his recent be-
wildering performances, alluded to the
darkity and blackity" of certain pro-
ceedings of the Ring" men of this