Smyrna times., 1878-11-20
Humorous.
Grain clcyat0r-Ryc WHISKY.

Grain clcyator-Ryc whisky.
Query Of IN" Cheshire cheese VIII you love me
when I'm mold
There is class whom beggars can't put up with;
Lley are hotel keepers.
a church bell is one Of the few things that will
Dear beihg toIIcd frequently To the same folks.
There is a time for all things It Is time 10 leave
ing is.
The inside Of everything is unintcligible because.
yon can't make il out Perhaps you never thought Of
ul"I
Is Mr. Miuncr aware that Germany has discovered
a mode by which brandy can be made out Of wood
shavings?
Albert Smith once wrote his initials in a hotel
register AWag wrote just underneath: "TwO-thiTds
Of the trdth'
rather remarkable event occurred at a city police
court, the other day Two tailors were seen i'll the
samcsuit.
clergyman in Iowa. few days since, warned his
congregation against trying to hide their souls be-
hind a five cent piece
Out in Indiana they call matrimony limited part
nership Oh account of the iacile character of the
divorce laws i'll that state.
Life spent without any fixed aim is compared by
an OId poet TO thrownng buckets into empty well,
and growing Old drawing nothing up"
Marry pint Of rum to a tablespoonful of rum. and
i'll less than an hour there will spring from the unCn
| a whole family Of Shillclahs and broken heads
The time to possess your soul in patience is when
your hat blows OF III the street and
full of dirt TO discover i'll which direction has gone
| Who can justly estimate the anguish difIused
through myriads Of otherwise peaceful breasts by the
10000 reed organs manufactured in this country last
year?
An ignorant oil merchant on being asked how large
an advertisement he wanted in certain newspaper,
answered that they might put i'll about two quarts OF
| type.
| correspondent of a Lewiston journal says: Il
paid a short but very pleasant visit TO neghbors
1 YESTERDAY. a fpO aDH
| took cream.
The growth of the English language will never
| cease. Western papers head an article upon the
murder Of son by his father filicde." How would
sonnyclde answer?
Respect for woman says French writer re-
quires us never TO doubt word She utters' Self
respect says snodgrass, requires us never TO believe
a word she says
ROxbury lady tried to use artificial for that
purpose the other day and had to faint in order get
out of the affair gracefully!
We read in the Herald: To let, an airy bedroom
for gentleman twenty-five feet long by fourteen
wide" 1t ought to be airy to Accommodate a
gentleman of such latitude and longitude.
All he could do, a Dorchester man couldn't light
| the lamp though he used every tooth in his wifes
| hair comb for matches; but there was an explosion
next morning for which the kerosene was not re-
| sponsibe.
"IIow dare you say that never open my mouth
| without putting my foot in it?' demanded Brown
of Jones. =" hope you will forgive me-" replied the
latter for when said that had never seen the size
Of your foot
In the &" Life of Wilberforce is the following entry
in his diary: Went TO hear Mr. Foster. Felt much
devotion, and wondered at a man who fell asleep
during psalms. During the sermon eceat to sleep my
: scJ"
At Gibraltar. lately. there was great scarcity of
water. An Irish officer said he was easy about the
matter for he had nothing TO do with water; if he
only got his tea in the morning and punch night it
was all that he wanted
She wore a Dolly Warden the night when first we
met; her chip hat like garden, with posies gay
D set. humping, big blonde waterfall when next we
met, she her skirts spread out from wall to
' wall and busted of the floor.
A cOored preacher in Alabama was accustomed to
distinguish the l. and H. epstes of ST. John by giving
out, John with one eye and John with two 6yeS 1t
Y was time before the people got the hang of it
! but when they did the distinction answered very
/ well.
As Erskine went one day to Westminster Hall with
/ his ample bag crammed full of Briefs some waggish
barrister hired Jews boy to go and ask him if he
had any old clio to sell p? No you little imp" ex-
claimed the indignant counsellor they are all
| suits"
n Aighty young lord whose conquestS in the female
line were numberless married last year Shortly
. after the event he met old friend well known
countess, who remarked: We'll hope youwill now
l. mend" Madam" he replied, You may depend
| upon it, this is my last folly"