Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1878-05-02

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NO matter if a man does say he want.
to be an angel, it is always safe 70 bare 1..-.o
the name of good indorser on the ~.
of his note
'EWhat's honor?'' asks Falstaff. Tbat,s
easy. Any woman who sits behind an
other woman in church can tell what's on
her in two minutes
''Do they miss you at home ?'' he asked
as she folded and put away letter she
had just received from her mother. ssNev-
err" she answered; ''they call me ssis.'''
The following conversation took place
recently in hotel: ''Waiter!' eyes.
Sir ''What's this?'' ssIt's bean soup. y
"'No matter what it has been; the question
is, what is it now?''
''Ah! from Titusville, see, . said the
magnificent hotel clerk to the guest who
had just booked. You are in oil, take
it?'' ''In oil!' thundered the farmer.
''No; do you suppose I'm sardine 9''
A young man of twenty recently took
to wife Pennsylvania widow of fifty.
the sole proprietress of a couple of petro-
leum wells. Ofhim it may be truly said
that he loved not wisely but two well(s),
An optical delusion.-Traveler: eHil
Guard! Have you seen a man walking
about with one eye, of the name of Walk
err" Guard Cmusingly): N-no, sir. I
dunno, as 'av. What was the name of
the other eye, sir Judy.
''Who, y said Mr.. Peter Mitchell, menu
Der of the Canadian House of Commons,
to the members who were trying by in
terruptions to choke him off, ''who brayed
THEREOF ''It was an echo,' retorted the
member amid yell of delight.
Just back from a trip to Havre: EsYou
will never catch me travelling by an ex-
cursion train again. Why, sir, at the sta
ton at Havre Host my cane and my wife,
Then with this utterance choked by tears,
"a new cane, too.''
'tWhat does transatlantic mean, NAM
ma ?'' 'Across the Atlantic, child. Hold
your tongue, and ask no more questions. -
''Then does transparent mean cross
mammal" (Has to forfeit her slate, and
stand in the corner.)
Many persons sing Il would not live
always" with great tenderness of feeling,
but when asked how long they would
really like to live, the invariable answer
is, ga little longer
Enough says the philosopher, sis
little more than man has," but econo-
my is the problem of making what man
has suffice for his necessities.
Religious papers are discussing the
question, Chow shall we interest the
young at church? ?" Offer tickets, good for
| admission to the first circus of the season,
to such boys are most punctual and regu-
lar in attendance.
II was not aware that you knew him, -
said Tom Smith to an Irish friend the
other day. tKnow him ~ said he, in a
tone which comprehended the knowledge
of more than one life-'tI knew him when
his father was boy
It's all very well to talk about economy,
but the difficulty is to get anything to
economize. The little baby who puts his
toes in his mouth is almost the only per
son who in these hard times manages to
make both ends meet.
Browns wife went to the dentists late
ly and took gas. The new set of teeth is
not ready, nor is she ready; and so there
has been peace in the Brown family for
several days. As Brown joyfu11y re-
marked, Her mouth is closed for repairs ,
a Yankee photographer presented a re-
volver at the head of gentleman who
was sitting for his photograph, with the
phnnpinOr
artist is at stake. If you don't look smil-
ing, I'n blow your brains out.'' He
smiled.
"Why,'' asked teacher in Sunday
School, "did Solomon tell the sluggard to
go to the ant?'' Because said thir-
teen-year-old boy, che knew that his aunt
would have him at the wooodpile or in
the onion bed every afternoon as soon as
school was out.
During the reign of crinoline the fol-
lowing toast was drunk with enthusiasm /:
''The Press, the Pulpit and the Petticoat
the three ruling powers of the day; the
first spreads knowledge, the second
spreads morals, g nd the last spreads con-
siderably."
A Detroit boy stood an umbrella, with
a cord tied to it, in a public doorway.
Eleven persons thought that umbrella
was theirs, and carried it with them the
length Of the string. They then sudden
ly dropped it, and went off without once
looking back or stopping to pick it up
again.
Snipkins refused to get his wife a new
hat, and soon after their little daughter
came in and said: ''Mamma, won't you
buy me monkey, to play with, when yoU
go down town 20 ''No, darling-wait til
you are older, and then marry one, as
did, replied the grief-stricken wife, hel
tears bursting forth afresh.
A Lowell man, who lost his good char
, acter some time ago, was severely hauled
r over by some of his former friends. ''l
= know it, boys. know it, boys. know
\ my characters gone; lost entirely
= And,'' he added, rather pointedly, ''it'
e too eonfounded bad, for it was the onIy
/ one in the place worth saving
e ''Why, how d'y'do, Mrs. Careful-ar
r all your folks pretty well?'' asked on,
: neighbor of another a few days ago. sol
u yes, pretty wen, Cudnk you-JnaO Is aDou
r as well as usual. Father hasn't bee
n quite well since he banked up the celia
e last fall, and overworked himself; think
Y he hurt his side. Aud mother has go
a the rheumatism so bad she hasn't bee
V able to get down stairs for week; Ms
- tilda Ann has slight touch of diphtheris
SO the doctor says; Jimmie can't spea
Il above whisper, for sore throat; Susi
# is just getting another rising in her eal
Is and the baby has had two more spells G
10 | orouo NTv buSbaDd con bor5Ixy do on,