The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-10-24
WHOLE NUMBER 599.
Brother Gardner's Lime.Kiln Club.
Detroit Free Press ]

Brother Gardner's Lime-Kiln Club.
Detroit Free Press
We doan' 'spect to fin perfeckshun
in human natur'," began Brother Gard
ner, as the hall grew quiet. We real
ize dat it am human to take the wrong
street kyar once in while, an dat none
of us kin predict de wedder straight
from de shoulder an nebber miss hail
storm. Nebberdeless, de true man will
praise whar' it am justified, an criticise
whar' it am needed, an now brudder
Horseraddish Shortcake Jones will
please STAN up"
The brother, who resides on Watson
street, was so surprised and amazed that
he could hardly reach his feet. He had
no suspicion that anything was coming,
and his elbows trembled as he felt in
his vest pockets for some watermelon
seeds to brace his nerves.
Brudder Jones, you war in the poss-
offs last Tuesday an Wednesday an
Thursday, bout ten o'clock in de fore
noon?" .5i e.s3H ed}
I" So was" replied Jones.
! You had on caliker shirt, a big
| stan,up collar, lung cdns, HI you vs.1 .iva .iva
cane an walked wild de moshun of de
biggest giraffe in de show. l saw You
dar, Brudder Jones, an dar kin be no
mistake. 1t panied my heart to see you
swellin' round in dat style, when /
knowed dat you hadn't five dollars in de
world; but swellin' round wasn't 'nuff
for you. You waited till crowd had
kerlected at de gineral delivery winder,
an den you pushed in an called out:
9 Am der a letter heah fur me from Moo
Yawk wild tree hunerd check in it?'
You played dat game free days runnin' I,
'spectin' dat de crowd would take you
for de man who owns de City Hall.
What has you to say, Brudder Jones"
Muffin, sah. Ize mighty sorry, sab,
dat made such fool of myself"
So am I, Brudder Jones', kase de
members of dis club has the gineral repu-
tashun of bein purity level on top de
head. Now let me say to you dat all de
time you was inquarin' for dat check
from New Yawk could see your hind
patches, yer boots run down at de heels,
| hungry look aroun' yer mouth, an
sich a'spreshun in yer eyes as belongs
to de chap who am lodging his washer
woman. All de odder folks saw de same
fngs, an dey laffed at you for pewter
| head"
I" hopes I won't be frown outer de
club, sab, " replied the culprit.
You am not on trial, Brudder Jones,
bring dis case up for your own good,
an to warn you dat de man who swells
round under false colors am simply
runnin' race wild fool. Be satisfied
to be what you am an muffin moar. IF
you get check of free hundred dollars
from Moo Yawk putt in yer vest pocket
an doan' emagine dat it's de fust check
eber known. doan' keer how well you
dress, but take notiss dat de pusson who
wars stan'-up cellar shouldn't war
black patches on ash-color'd pants at de
same time. Kid gloves am all right,
but dey doan' go well wild par O. fifty
cent butes. Long cuffs am VERY use
full artikle O. commerce, but when dey
trabble long wild a coat split out at de
elbows de public will make remarks.
OATS all, Brudder Jones-take yer
seat an permit the reg'lar purceedins to
purceed."
PETITIONS.
Petitions were received and filed from
eleven different individuals, varying in
name from Joseph Slugs to the Hon.
Locomotive Cardington, Ii. d.
COMMUNICATIONS.
Under this head the Secretary read a
letter from Darius B. White, of Altoona,
Pa, asking a contribution from the
club to aid in establishing school of
botanyin that city.
81 disremember jist now whedder
dem word 'boughtany refers to poor or.
fun chilPun or smallpox hospital" +"
unused Brother Gardner, but de Secre-
tary kin write in reply dat we am afeard
to send on our check for fifty dollars
kase de mails am so unsartin."
A letter from John J. Ward, of Au-
gusta, Ga, stated that his wife, Ethel
Amanda, had run away with journey
man cooper, and the writer desired the
club to keep alookout for her in Detroit
You needn't waste no postage stamp
on dat pusson," said Brother Gardner
to the Secretary. Dis club am not in
de bizness of cotchin' wives dat has TUX
noshun to abominate from hum"
The Secretary also read letter from
Andrew j. Milestone, of Montgomery
Ala, asking the club if it desired te
purchase the autograph of Christopher
Columbus.
What fur?" inquired the President
with considerable emphasis. g What dt
we want of seech masheen as dat%
The Secretary had no reply, but tn,
Rev. Penstock rose up in his grandeur
smiled softly 10 himself, and inquired
doesn't the Presumdent of dis club
I know what an ottergraff amp
There was something in his tone
which peeled Brother Gardner as if
horse-radish crater had been played owe
: him, and he was on his feet for half
5 minute before he could speak. Finally
looking down upon The Reverend, as tn
s eagle looks down upon the canary, b
, said:
8 "Sir! de President of dis club doe
know what an ottergraff am-he wa
l eatin' 'em for breakfas' ebery day in d
var long 'nuff fore you was bon, sab /!
" Eatin' up ottergrafs?" queried th
9 amazed Penstock.
Yes, sah-had hull bin full dow
3 cellar, sah"
= " Am dat possible?'
= " Yes, sab, an you kin now resoor
your seat, sab! You am great man Q
Il Goldfish an 'taters, Brudder Penstocl
but when it comes down to big word
. you doan' begin to get furder down I'M
IS 'em dan de fust coat O. varnish!'
Penstock sat down with sigh of hus
% dimensions, and the triangle soundt
: for to
~ ELECTION.
90 There we're no candidates ready for Il
10 bean box, and committee after commi
ls tee was reached without bringing I
port.
q Gin closin' de meetin'," said Broth
% Gardner as he rose up, d" l desire to I
10 mark dat Misser Tom Tom, livin' dov
r =