The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-10-10
STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.

The grand old state OF virginia Is bankrupt
busted so to speak. She can't borrow none
from her own bankers. Democracy and Re
form did it.
1t is about time the European powers weI
holding "Peace Conference" to make ney
divide, and lay out new military campaigns.
'Tis far better to give than to received" sal
the boy, as he gave his companion nice slfc
of Indian turnip.
man fell out of balloon last week. in In
dianapolis, and was seriously injur = hold on
you needn't rejoice yet; it wasn't blue-jean
Williams.
The Ecclesiastical trials which are becoming
so frequent in country, do not tend to per
petuate that feeling OF respect for the holy offlc
which its sanctity demands. If the brethrer
can't behave themselves, Conferences should bC
held in secret session.
Misfortunes may come, hard times may op-
press, storms may gather, but naught can cloud
the happiness of the man who dances jig
every time he hears brass band playing in
the streets. He may be seen on any 'big day.
The Ohio NJ. E. Conference came out strongly
against the use of tobacco. The Conference
did MT believe that man could be pure Min
ister and stink, at the same time.
Ex-Gov. Seymour has taken to literature, and
will have an article "Cheese" in the next
number of the North American Review" The
Gov. is too much bound up in himself.
The friends of Condor, the released Fenian.
raised purse and presented to him on his ar
rival in Cincinnati. This will enable Condor
to buy himself a couple of kegs, and hold the
balance of power at the next election, in his
ward
The debt of the city of Paris is over two mill
ions and a half. We have plenty of fnanciers
o1If how fO
pay the whole thing off for five thousand dol
lars and still have balance in the treasury.
Clarke county Iunatic, whom the Sheriff
sought to arrest, met that officer with cooked
revolver and notified him that he would not be
taken alive. This unfortunate a
member of the late Ohio Constitutional Con-
vention.
The lovely autumn is at hand. The forest
trees put on their most gorgeous attire, the
sportive rabbit displays unusual friskiness, and
the small boy looks forward with impatient ex-
pectancy.to the possession of his new pair of
winter boots.
IL is said that the ancients had a custom of
tolling the bells whenever the learned Doctors
met in consultation. All, how many of the
beautiful and appropriate customs of the long
ago have become obsolete!
They had a big scare al q Cincinnati hotel, the
other night. About midnight the guests were
awakened by the cry that some one had neg
Iected to shut off the gas. There was general
investigation instituted, which resulted in the
discovery that the cook had Inadvertently left
the cover off of the can containing the butter.
Hence the smell.
Mr.. Jones, Teacher-"Now Johnny, want
to test your wits a little. Suppose now, want
to give a card to each of my pills, with an ap-
propriate inscription upon it go to the black
board, now, and write, off hand, an appropriate
inscription.
Johnny seizes the chalk, and scrawls ''Suf-
fer little children who come unto me J" Jones
expresses great satisfaction at the progress of
the class in composition.
THE FIRST FIRE.-Who has not hailed with
delight the first evening in autumn cold enough
to make fire on the hearth necessary to COM
fort ? How cheerful the glow. what happy
thoughts seem to occupy the minds of those
seated in the cheerful light! What spirit of
mischief seems to peryade the minds of the
children! The older heads converse in the i've
liest vein, the youth ruminates upon long Win
ter evenings spent with his dulcinea, while the
newly married man wonders, within himself,
whether his dear Mary Jane will learn, before
cold weather really sets in, to get up and make
the fires, without murmur.
Blifkins went home late the other night, and,
seized it and went scattering it's contents about
"Why, Mr. Blifkins," said his wife, "what in
the world are you doing?"
"Sprlnklin dis'fectant about the place, ,jist
scattern' a bit of lime. You know, my dear,
the yaller fever is stalking abroad through the
land"
'Why, you old fool, that amt lime-thats
ashesr'
'sWhy-er-M Mary, bless me- what mistake
thought it was lime-shure's you live-awful
mistake, Mary drefful mistake!
And when B. came close to his wife, she knew
why he had made the mistake, and she thought
he had better swollow disinfectant.
OUR MUSICAL FRIEND.-He has been to see
us. He was ofdecidedIy musical taste, and had
taken some instruction upon the piano. OF
course we were expected to ask him to play,
and oh, horrible fate that prompted us to do it
He perched himself upon the STOOL spread out
his arms, threw back his shouIders-there was
crash, a rattling of the keys, and the notes of
/ "Captain Jinlzs'' came rushing from the instru-
ment with such vigor that they might have
been heard in the edge of the next township
We mentally offered up prayer we heard
the closing strains, but what was our horror,
when, without stopping, he scooted off an DO
naparte Crossing the Rhine" We heard the
preparations for dinner going on, and oh, how
we wanted to hurry the cook !! But ere the dim
ner hour we were treated to a vigorous singing
of "The Sweet By-and-By," and he was pound
ing away at the ''Skidmore Guards" when the
cook, who seemed an agel in disguise announc-
ed dinner
After dinner we talked of things foreign to
music; but we can hear that emusic" yet, and
never will we forget woful indiscretion in
! asking tnat fellow to play.
A Jacksonian was blowing about woman s
work being mere play. "Why," said he, ''the
women can do their little bit of work, and
spend three-fourths of their time gossiping."
''Suppose, now," said his wife, e'that you get
: dinner to-moTrow-Sunday, and let's how
4 easily you get through with it,"
Il The husband accepted the proposition, and
Il on the morrow pinned an apron about him,
and dived into the kitchen. lie pared pota-
toes, and put them on to cook. He choppe d
cabbage, and put it on the stove He Toured a
steak, and laid it snugy in the skillet. Moth
ing hard about it so far. But the wife bided her
time. Pretty soon the husband began to grind
coffee; then he suddenly discovered that the
steak needed turning, bat that was accom-
plshed, the potatoes were boiled dry. FL fran
ticaly seized the potato pot in one hand and
the meat skillet in the other, and rushed for the
kitchen table. But just as he reached it, his
. wife kindly assured him that his cabbage was
| scorching. He rushed tor the cabbage, but by
/ the time he had reached it the teakettle had
boiled over into it, making beautiful soup o.
il. He finally got dinner on the table, only tC
! find each dish without q particle of seasoning
while he mad entirely forgotten tile coffee. He
still caias llat wo'nans WORK Is bat ch Id,s
/ play but nothing can induce him 10 attempt tC
cook another IN eai.