The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-09-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND nUMOR.
A GROSS mistake-Eleven dozen for
twelve.
HE money question-"How much is
he worth %
WHY is toper's nose called red when
it is corn-colored?
HE last language spoken on earth
will probably be the Finnish.
Some men cannot stand prosperity.
Others never get chance to try.
WHAT barber should talk about
while shaving man-About two Sec
onds.
A BAD sign-To sign another mans
name to note. Rogues should make a
note Of it.
IF classic Greek were Had he likely
to Troy Homeopathic physician,
wouldn't hep
"SIR, you have broken your promise
"Oh, never mind; can make another
just as good"
"RAIsING the wind" is now denomin.
ated more classically, Exsuscitating
the financial Aeolus.H
WHY is man who believes his relig-
lous opinions right and everybody
else's wrong, like large cipher? Be-
cause he is a big ought.
A DEBTOR thus ingeniously argued:
"My dear sir, I will pay you in time.
and since time is money, the longer YOU
wait the surer you will be of your pay"
FATHER" said an inquisitive boy.
"What is ky-straight?" "Whis-
kys trait, my son, replied the old man,
who had been there himself, "whisky's
trait is getting people drunk" The lad
reflected in silence.
"GooD gracious, Maria p exclai med
Mr.. Spilkins, chow my back itches !'
"Guess somebody's put fes in your
rear" she replied. Spilkins said there
were paragraphers enough without her
trying to be funny.
IT is not always a mark of frankness
to possess an open countenance. An
alligator is deceitful creature. and vet
he presents an open countenance when
he Is In the very act of taking you ill.,
Chicago Commercial advertiser.
OH the corn, bno horrible corn.
Burning at night and aching at morn:
Under somebody's foot half of the time,
Ihrobblng with misery almost sublime,
Paining,
Infaming,
Big as your fist
Show me the sign of the chi-rop-o-dist!
-Borltngton HGack-Eye.
"CLARIBEL. Your essay is at hand.
but we cannot use it until we are more
definitely advised. Your nom de plume
suggests red hair, and We cannot permit
any fed-halred woman to write essays for
our columns on domestic Happiness.
Boston Globe.
In England correspondents are dis
missed by editors with but scant cour-
tesy. A shrinking maiden forwarded
some verses upon ''Bunch of Violets."
The composition is thus acknowledged:
" Your poem has seen the light. We lit
our cigar with it,"
The character Of autumn, as he made
his appearance in 1873, could not be
more compendiously Or graphically pre-
sented than it is in this odd little SEN
tence from the Philadelphia Evening
Star: "Pensive autumn, in a linen
buster, perspires on the threshold"
AUNT" Shall I give you new doll,
Maggie?" Maggie-"No; thanks, aunty.
[ should never love another doll ike
this; for, see, it has only got one eye.
one leg and one arm, and nobody would
care for it if didn't. Proper dolls can
take care of themselves, you know"
DON'T tell man you sweat. It is
vulgar. Inform him that you are being
deprived of the saline and oleaginous
fluids Of your material substance
through the excretories Of your pellucid
article, with sensible condensation of
moisture upon the superficial exterior.
BURLINGTON HoWk-Eye:: Mr.. Ernest
Marchemont, of West Hill, is not a very
experienced sportsman, but he set trap,
all the same, for fox or some other ami
NAL that was decimating his hen-roosts.
The next morning there was something
stirring about in the trap Mr.. Marche-
mont got down on his knees and looked
In. cit looks like rabbit" he said,
and he opened the trap. "But it Decent
smell exactly like one" he added sadly;
and when he went to the house Mrs.
made him stand in the back
yard while she stopped her nose up with
blue clay and undressed him with the
cistern pole. Each heart knows it's
own bitterness BEST" Mr.. Marchemont
said, when his tailor wondered what he
wanted another fall suit already for.
WAsHNaroN's will, now rapidly fad
ing, is to be copied by photo lithOpra-