Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1878-12-20
" IiunlUr.

praiser.' Now how ~upcrlluous Just
as il every nuclionccr wasn't always ii
praiser Of his goods,
A lecture with such u title ~ this
ought Ia take IN Chicago, "Spmr Mis-.
takes of Bank President. or, A Trip
Through Europe, 2 todng loudcr.
"Och, Thin, hut it'S yomrlf knows how
to spake the words ol God, shurc VIZ
niyer knew what sin MAS ill VI came
amongst us, said an enthusiastic Irish
woman To an eloquent reylvalist
It is poor week when tho New York
detectives can't secure from fifty TO
snventy-fye CLOVIS" Having secured
them, the detectives sit down and take
Il rest.-Dtroa Free Press.
Mistress (to servant who has called
about II situation@ "Therc are no
children; only two III family" Servant:
VIII you show me over the 'ouse,
mum, as | never take a situation, mum,
till I've seen what sort of ouse the
'ouse il, mum. FIN.
A young medical student of Chicago
has shot and killed man because of
dispute regarding 2O.cent game of
cards; though we suppose he was in
search Of a subject for dissection and
couldn't wait the ordinary course of
nature.-BuB;tto Express.
The English language is wonderful for
its aptness Of expression. When a
number Of men and women get togeth-
er and look ut cnch other from the sides
of II room-that's called socia ble.
When hungry crowd call upon poor
minister and cat him out of house and
home that's called donation party
Turner'S Falls Pep0ter
Sir" said u lady to would-be-wag,
"your Jokes always put me in mind of
a sphere "Of sphere, madam,
Why, so, pray" Because they never
have any point"
We were very sensitive about good
behavior when y boy. 1t always brought
tears into our eyes to see Il naughty
boy jim school put red pepper on hot
stove.-Neu York Mail.
A little boy was shown the pictnre of
the martyrs thrown to the lions. He
startled his friends by shouting: "Ma!
Q ma! Just look at that poor little lion
way back there. lie won't get any"
''Slr," said Il weary tramp to the gen
tleman who stands behind the counter
ut the Barrett House; 'Sir, am social
conundrum. Then" exclaimed Bell,
pointing sadly toward the door, then
never more be guessed of mine. bur
Hngt0n Ho'ckeye.
John, it seems to me that you are
not doing your work as well as you used
to-not rs palnS-taking rs you might
be" Il will tell you, miladi. | thought
that if | would make myself indispen-
sable, when | came to 90 it would cause
you too much Inconvenience and re-
gret."
General Garihald's Caprera quarries
are to furnish the stone for renewing
,he streets OF the Eternal City, which,
eternal rs the city is, will wear out.
Not having Us yet succeeded in flooring
the church of Rome, the General is
fain to fall back on paving the city.
Punch.
During dense fog Mississippi
steamboat took landing. A traveller
hilNlpuo w gov tthttu, Catllc w VIC ulI-
perturbed manager of the wheel and
asked why they stopped. "Too much
fog; can't see the river bot you
can see the stars overhead" Eyes"
replied the urbanc pilot, "but until the
biler busts we amt going that way"
The passenger went to bed.
There ought to be convention of
woodchucks. The trouble ut present is
that one mans woodchuck predicts II
cold winter, and digs deep and another
mans woodchuck predicts II warm
winter. and digs shallow. This frivolity
is II disgrace to the woodchuck. Being
an unsocial creature. and not influenced
by sympathy, he ought to hit the bulls
eyes with his little prediction every
time. Nev York Graphic.
A retired army officer had not at
tended divine service for years. On his
return to the fold, the first Sunday in
church, tie first lesson for the day COM
menced thus: And Joseph was
brought down 10 Egypt; and Potiphar,
an officer of Pharoah. captain of the
guard" etc. What !" exclaimed our
military friend, IL captain still? Why,
he was n captain when last heard Of
HIM, years ago ! thought he'd surely
have got his promotion before this.
Mayor Latrobe, of Baltimore, has just
bought doll. And this is why he did
il: A day or two ago he received II let
ter, written in childish hand, and
shockinglv misspelled, but evidently
sincere: 81 am little helen, il said,
"and | want little dolly for cristmas,
and ant got no papy to buy me any
annd mamma ant got no money to buy
it either SO | will have no fun ut crlst-
mas 50 think you have got lots q
money 50 you Will please buy me i liz
tie dolly for cristmas you can get pref
ty one for ten cents.
Steamboats, always back out before
they begin Il race.-New Orleans Pie
dyune.
The Sioux City Jounaisays: A ma
licious story is alloat to the effect that
an Edorado girl went back on her lover
because he was so bow-legged she
couldn't sit on his lap.