Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-07-26
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CHEEK Cheek! Why, that's no name
lamp-burners, this one, and he generally
gained his end wherever he was permitted
to enter a house. The other day, while
travelling about Louisville, he wandered
into house in the southern part of the
town, where sorrow evidently reigned. The
lamp man, finding the door open, walked
right in, and there found poor woman in
tears, with friend or two trying to con-
sole her for the loss Of her husband, who
lay dead in the same room.
s'Can't sell you my new patent lamp
burner, ma amp" said the vendor.
mo, sir,'' replied the woman, between
her sobs, 81 don't wish anything of the
kind.''
ssPlease let me explain its beauties,
ma'am," he said, '.and | am sure you'll
take one. You see this .t
"But don't want it, sir" she said; ST
wish you would go away. Don't you see
my poor dear husband lying here? Leave
me with my SORROW" "a
''Oh, yes'm, sympathize deeply with
you, ma am. Excuse me, 1 can't keep
back these tears. Oh, ma'am, if you only
knew what a consolation these patent
lamp burners Of mine are on such occa-
sions as these, you would not be without
one single minute. Why, ma'am, put
one of these in his hand, and it would
light him through all the darkness he has
to pass through without any trouble, and
when you come to die he could hold the
lamp for you when you 60 to ascend the
golden stairs"
And that precious scoundrel kept on in
that strain until he had sold half a dozen
to every female in the room. Cheek.
oh, no!
TAKE ONE, Too."-An old farmer,
about the time the temperance reform Was
beginning to exert healthful influence in
the country, said to his man servant:
Jonathan, I did not think to say that
think of trying to do my work this year
without rum. How much more must l
give you to induce you to do without the
rum?"
s'Oh, don't care much about it, said
Jonathan. "You may give me what you
please" lsa
ssWeu," said the farmer. II will give
you sheep in the autumn if you will do
without it," 5 -f
agreed" said Jonathan.
The eldest son said:
''Father, you will give me a sheep, too,
if 1 do without rum?" .
eyes, Marshall, you shall have sheep,
too"
The youngest son, mere STRIPPING, then
said:
s'Father, will you. give me sheep if I
will do without"
eyes, Chandler, you shall have sheep.
also."
Presently Chandler spoke again:
s'Father, hadn't you better take sheep,
too?''
Kentucky beats them all. She now fur
nishes a case where man elOped with
whole family except the old man, who had
lame back and couldn't get to the depot
in time.
elbow did you learn that graceful atti-
tude?" said "a gentleman to a fellow lean
ing in a tipsy fashion against a post 81
have been practicing at a glass;" was the
reply. .s.,:5.
A Rhode Island jury were five days de-
batting on hog case involving seven dol
lars, and then recommended both men to
the mercy of the court.
The ladies are opposed to the telephone.
They don't care to have young fellow
whispering in their ears with his mouth
twenty miles away.
''You cruel man!'' exclaimed Mrs.
Jones, s'my tears have no effect on you at
all.'' swell. drop them. my DEAR" said
Jones.
A western paper speaks of man who
died without the aid of a physician. Such
instances of death are exceedingly rare.
An old negro cook says: s,Sass is power
full good in everything but children: dey
needs some other kind of dressin.''
4 witty fellow says hoop skirt hang
ing out of door reminds him Of a peel of
a BELLE.
The last place to look for the milk of
human kindness is in the pale of civiliza-
ton. sSs
When is young lady like a whale?'
When she's pouting. d '
When is woman not a woman? When
she is little sulky.
The. easiest thing for negro to do
keep dark.