Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-03-21
Huni0r.

( Never take 4 DUH VI TIE lOGllS- young
man, but take him bi the tale; then you
kan let 90 when you want to.-JOsh Bill
ings
In reply to the question, viii the
coming man be bald?" the Morristown
Herald affirns that he generally is
when he first comes"
Tell your mistress that I've torn the
CURTAIN said a ledger to a female do
mestic. Very well, sir; mistress will
put it down in the bill as extra rent
An old maid in the West End lost a
favorite cat by death, and she had his
skin stuffed for a pillow-a new vari-
ETY. of caterpiIlar.-C Cincinnati Saturday
NiyIH.
First girl: Did you have a pleasant
ride? Second girl: O! middling First
girl: What was the trouble? Did Will
act cross? Second girl, behind her fan:
No, but he hadn't shaved.
A certain little damsel, being aggra-
waited beyond endurance by her big
brother, fell down upon her knees, and
cried: 80, Lord! bless my brother
Tom. He lies, he steals, he swears.
All boys do; us girls don't Amen"
Every day or two the telegraph an
nounces that somebody has discovered
a new asteroid. Which indicates care
Iessness in not sprinkling ashes on the
sidewalk-Berkshire Courier.
A lazy boy, near Stanwix. has con-
quered the kindling-wood question He
Just backs his fathers best mule against
he
stool at it-Rome Sentinel
When they get telephones in The,
hotels it will refresh the weary traveller
who is sent I'D the fourth floor to sit
down quietly and impart to the clerk
down in the office his private opinion
Of that functionary's conduct.
When Mr. Baker took TO wife
buxom little dear.
He fenced her in with both his arms,
And whispered in her ear;
Now, co promise thee. my love,
Meier from thy side to go;
For like ali bakers, little one,
| daily need my doe
-Y0nkers Gazette.
We never realized how awkward,
how needlessly stupid, how excessively
and deplorably faulty nature is, so
strongly as whenWe reflect on the pain
| full fact that she never has been able to
create a.man that will fit Il custom
made snirt-Hdpkeye.
"Sir," said one barrister to another,
often meet Il servant in the morning
taking two drinks to your room. Do
you always drink IN duplicate ?' Sir,
replied the other, " [ order two drinks
every morning, and when | have drank
one [ feel like another man; then, sir, [
am bound by courtesy to treat the other
man, so [ drink the second"
| A very little boy had one day done
wrong, and he was sent, after maternal
correction, to ask in secret the forgive
ness Of his Heavenly Father. His of
Tense was passion. Anxious to hear
what he would say, his mother followed
to the door of the room. In lisping ac-
cents she heard him ask to be made
better; and then, with childlike sim
plicity. he added: "Lord, make mas
temper better, too"
Old Lord Elpinstone was asleep at
church, while the minister, a very addie-
headed preacher, was holding forth.
At length the parson stopped and cried:
Waukin, my Lord Aphinstone?" ''Im
no sleeping, minister" But We are
sleepin'-I wager we dinna ken what [
said last?" "Ye said, Waulin, my
Lord Aphinstonc." cay, ay, but L
wager we dinna ken what [ said afore
that" wager We dinna yersel."
The art ofadvertising is being brought
down TO d decidedly fine point; and
When an agent sends you an inch adj
vertisement to insert at your very low
est rates, and accompanies it with a six
inch local notice, which he wants put
in for nothing, you can't help but ad-
mire his acreage of cheek" and wish
you had gun that would shoot a hun
dred miles and kill the fellow you are
thinking of, without taking aim.-Nor-
rist0ace Herald.