Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1878-01-23
HUMOROUS.


Ir may sound like paradox, yet q,
breaking of both wings Of an army l. /.
pretty sure way Of making it fy.
The Fulton street barber did not yisi
the cat show. He says: "I don't In
cats for the same reason / don't like cef
tain kinds of stoves -on account of thell
dam purs."
DEFINITION Of the gout b. Dunas;
"Put your toe in wise and squee9e Il
till you can no longer endure tlie ~.
ture. Then give the handle one tim
more, and that il the gout." !"
JOHN THOMAS, fiuaker, u hissmpaey-
ereWell, sir, 'arts me feelinkA II, q
talk of leavin', but can't stand niuus
no longer. Employer-Ah, John, but
think how long I've put mp With M. i
"SURELY you must be tired, anut1.
| can't think how it il you aFe abls -
work 70 long," 1" LAwks blem y0u, ny
dear, when onst sits down TO It Ike. m
just too lazy to leave of"
AN improved implement has been In.
vented for spreading butter on bread.
and now machine which will carve 8
boarding-hOuse chicken on the prineiple
of an apple-pearer would not b : 6ad
idea.
WHEN an intelligent compositor hsads
a column description of . high-toaed
wedding Mirage in high life, ," he shoaA
quit setting type and join the Pam
graphers' Association. - San Aalewie
(Tex.) Ekpress. f
"YoU low, bad, wicked boy, Tom, y
throw sich - big stone at my kttls
brother; do obelieve you've killed himi
Then Isay, Mary, If he's really dead,
give us his hoop and stick, Cos / should
loike summat to remember i'm b."
A HoHoKUs man who hes bseane IL
father of twins says thas he wiah0 %
preserve the double standaFd.--M Z.
Herald. IL isn't likely that anybody
will want TO take them ct thefr pr
value Worcester Pre&a. a b II
The other morning . BasiinGtea
salo0n-keeper fell down stairs With . tn
rible crash. And disciple OF Profemor
Tice looked at the grOaning man and cid
calmly, "The back OF the, vintner y
broken, -HaWkeye.
A BLANK PAGE.-Sir Patrick: Thea,
I presume, You know = little aboat clsan-
ing silver, waiting ct table and 20 onf'
jenkins: Nothing whatever, MR.; But
l do not suppose there is anything which
intellect may not overcome" P.nck.
IT is when man is carrying pound
of honey on one arm, and bag Of sggs
on the other, and leading . bulldog BY
a string, and attempts 70 brnsha ~ Oh
his ear, that he feels that no man can b.
expert in all things.
A CARELESS young business man Of
Lockport, N. r., lost his sweetheart BY
making mistake in forwarding presents
for Christmas. His brothers wife
received from him jewel case and :
note asking her to marry him, while the
silver-mounted feeding bottle went to the
girl.
A COUNTRY couple, newly married,
stopped at q hOSel, and the bridegroom
called for some wine. When asked what
kind he would have, he replied: = We
want that kind of wine where tho csFkp
pop out and the liquor boils uplike scap-
tuds."
1T was the morning before ChristmaA
She" John, you have no idea how I
hurt my thumb stOning tho yainins fee.
the fruit cake" He" And yeH hAye
no idea how hurt my fingers stoning
that internal COW out Of the back yard. "
"WHAT time is it?" inqnired
young Newark small boy whose ia1hsr
had set him 10 shoveling coal at ~ il
the morning. i is nine" ansWsFea