The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-05-16
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

A FAT oFEIcE-The soap-boiler's.
A CANDID MAN-The confectiOner.
In the long run, lying never pays the
liar.
WOMAN tempted man to eat; but he
took to drink himself.
A CHAMPION pedestrian is able to get
along very well in the world.
An Ontario clergyman offers reduced
CULTURED women in Europe never
wea2 jewelry except when in full dress.
The person who eats too much ice
cream shows excellent taste with lack
Of judgment.
The Washington Post says the weary
editor knows the hour of six O'Clock
q. m. only by reputation.
WHEN married men complain Of
being in hot water at home, it turns out
half the time that its scold.
AN Englishman recently bit his wife's
nose of, and the woman testified in
court that she bit it off herself.
"DYING in poverty" says a modern
moralist, lis nothing itislivingin pow
erty that comes hard on fellow"
SooN viii the inch worm and his tribe
Proclaim the touring time,
And by their means invisible
Proceed from climb to climb.
-Yonkers Gazette.
The boy who wants to be in Heaven
six weeks ahead of all competition will
60 in swimming now.-Detroit Free
Press.
PRINTERS expect price and a half
for all table work done, excepting only
the solid matter of regular boarding
houses.
A RAcE-HoRsE can 60 fast and war
horse looks well in poetry; but, if you
want to hear softer tones in the kitch-
en-, furnish it with good clothes
horse.
THE average shirt collar does not
stand well up to its work. One that is
full of starch and glory in the morning
may become limp and lifeless thing
before night.
A CORRESPONDENT who says he has
frequently heard of "Tara's hauls,"
desires to know if old Tara was a Bank
President or Fall River mill manager.
Boston Bulletin.
THERE are two chances for a man in
q buggy trying to drive a runaway
horse. One is to jump out and be
killed, and the other is to be thrown
out and meet a violent dcath.--N o.
RcayMne.
A NoRRIsTowN fisherman on Friday
last caught twenty-seven trout some
OF them. he says, weighing over two
pounds apiece. He would have caught
more, but he is not very good liar
Norristoscn Herald.
"HEY, Tommy" said five-year-old
urchin to another in the street, "we've
moved into house they call flats, N
yer don't have ter 60 up stairs but ride
up in the ventilator, n mother sends all
the washin' to the foundry"
A YOUNG woman applying for the
situation of governess to a village
school, being questioned by the clergy
man as to her qualifications, replied:
Il amt Huch of an arithmeticker; but
I'm an elegant grammarest."
PRISONERS in the Connecticut State
Prison get a reduction in time of two
months from each year of their term,
by good behavior. This to man serv-
ing life sentence must amount to con-
siderable at the end of his time.
The fruit crop promises to be i'm
mensely large. and it is gratifying to
learn, in this connection, that there are
about three new kinds of bugs, and two
worms coming out with
every fruit blossom. Burlington HaaOk-
Eye.
A YOUNG lady correspondent (poet-
icy desires to know if we have seen
anything sweeter than "A Chaplet
Alone" Certainly. we have seen a
chap let a girl kiss him, which was
ever so much sweeter.-R0st0n Com
nercial Bulletin.
BROOKLYN has discovered that the
cooks steal grease, the coachmen steal
harness, the hostler's steal cats, the
gardeners steal plants, and that every
department of big residence is per-
meated with the atmosphere of knavery.
Moral: Keep bachelors hall.-Detroit
Free Press.
WOMEN may, perhaps, fancy that
they dress in order to be admired by
men, but they do not. They dress
against each other, and they dread each
others criticisms. Men very seldom
care for details, and if woman looks
well, and is not dowdy, she finds favor
in their Exchange.
"WHAT can you do Oh a farm?'' in
quired farmer of man who wanted
work. Do you know how to build q
stone wall?'' "Oh! yes. Any fool
knows that. You jest have to set one
stone on another" mo you don'tr'
Numbered the farmer. You have to
set one stone on two. You can CO."
A LAWYER once asked the late Judge
Pickens, of Alabama, to charge the jury
that cit is better that ninety and nine
guilty men should escape than that
one innocent man should be punished"
" Yes" said the witty Judge, :" I will
give that charge, but in the opinion
of the Court the ninety and nine guilty
men have already escaped in this coun-
ty."
WELL, Fathe: Brown, how did you
like my sermon, yesterday" asked q
young preacher. "You see, parson,"
was the reply, II haven't a fair chance
at them sermons of yourn. I'm an
old man now, and have to set putty
we'll back by the stove; and there's old
Miss Smith, N Wilder Taft, n Mrs.
Bylan's darters, N Nabby Burt, n all
the rest setting in front of me with
their mouths wide open. a swallerin'
down all the best of the sermon; n
what gets down to me is putty poor
stuff. parson; putty poor stuff!'
The Paris Exposition.
PARIS Nav I.