The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-07-04
PASSING SMILES.

4aE Idbucl OI a6len DaD1eS is
only thirty-six- And the widows of
Brigham Young are only nineteen.
No base ball pitcher is now considered
an expert unless he can curve the ball
into the batter's stomach three times
out OF every possible five.
The youngster who was sent away
from the table just as the pastry came
on went sadly up stairs singing, "Good-
bye sweet tart, goodbye
HEAD man-The phrenologist. Salt
air diamonds-Ocean spray in morning
sunlight. Weather strips-Changing
your flannels for the season. e5v
EDUCATION has no creative power; it
can m rely unfold and direct the powers
nature confers. 1t cannot make poet
of a horse, nor writer of an ape.
A GOOD listener-Enthusias young
lady: You are fond of music,
colonel?" Aw-yes, / think may say
ike-aw noise of-of any kind"
THERE is great difference between
what an ambitious man is and what he
aspires to be-as there is also between
what a vain man thinks himself and
what be is. I
LOVE is deaf as we'll as blind. If it
wasn't, how could the tendrils of wo-
mans affection wind themselves about
the man who talks through his nose7
BREAKFAST Table.
The prayer with which the Rev. DIR.
Moore opened the Ohio Convention be-
gan with the words, Grant, we pray
Thee" etc. Whereupon there was great
cheering for Ulysses.
MANY persons consider themselves
friendly when they are only oficious;
they counsel not so much that you may
become wise, as that they may be known
as teachers of wisdom.
GA BASKET of champagnep' ex-
claimed a country dame. Why, ] de-
clare, now, always thought champagne
was watery stuff, ike;. never knowed
you could carry it in a basket
"ToMMY, do you know that your
Uncle Robert has found beautiful boy
baby on his doorstep, and is going to
adopt him 7" Yes, mamma, and he'll
be Uncle Rob's step-son, won't hep
A CORRESPONDENT writes from Parma:
"There's always something to charm
the eye, delight the ear and stir the soul
in Italy. The Introduction of the
scrubbing brush would make it a para
disc"
An orator, who was much in demand
in political campaigns, being asked by
an admirer the secret of his success, re-
piled, "When l have facts, / give 'em
facts; but when I haven't, l yell and saw
the air"
PROFESSOR" Can you multiply to-
| gether concrete numbers?' The class
/ ara nNoarfo;, Drofoucor- What xrs1I
be the product of five apples multiplied
antly) -" Hash.''
IT takes more philosophy to sit down
on tack without swearing than it does
to put up with cold dinner on washday
without grumbling. This item was
handed in by man Yho has tried both.
I-Breakf,st Table.
EsTHETIC tramps who recognize the
eternal fitness of things when engaged
in passing the time card-playing"
during the balmy spring months, find
nothing SO much against the grain as
playing "spade."
A CoXCoMB, talking of the transmi-
grafton of souls, said: In the time of
Moses, / have no doubt I was the
golden calf" Every likely" replied q
lady. "and time has robbed you of
nothing but the gliding"
WHEN two boys of family have gone
in swimming against their mothers ex-
press commands, the satisfaction of be
ing able to see the other fellow walled
usually operates so as to soothe the pains
: of the one that got it first.
!. No man can go down into the dungeon
|, of his experience, and hold the torch of
truth to all his dark chambers and
hidden cavities, and not come up with a
: shudder and chill, and an earnest cry
to heaven for mercy and cleansing.
, IF you are wise man you will treat
: the world as the moon treats it. Show
. it only one side of yourself, seldom show
! yourself too much at a time, and lei
: what you do show be calm, cool, and
: poll he'd. But look at every side of the
' world.
) AN old Highland clergyman, who ha6
: received several calls to parishes, askes
. his servant when he should go. Th'
!. servant said, $50 where there is mos
r sin, sir" The preacher concluded tina
y was good advice, and went where ther
8 was most money.
N IN recent thai In England IL cam
d out that economical band leaders wer
l. in the habit of ringing " dummy vic
IF Inns" in upon the managers. Th
h dummy violin is played with grease
J. bow by a man who knows nothing c
IN music, and renders no audible sound.
- .a-ll- SOWING.
" wonderful thing is seed
The one thing deathle foreverl
ne The one thing changeless utterly true
60 Forever old snd forever new,
And tickle and faithless never.
Plant blessings, and blessings will bloom;
q. Plant hate, and hate will grow;
You can sow to-day-to-morrow viii bring
The blossom will prove what sort of thing
Is the seed-the seed you SOW
A CLERGYMAN, accosted by an o.
!. acquaintance by the name of Cobb, 7
u u piled: "I don't know you, sir" "M
~ ~ name is Cobb, SIR" rejoined the ma
VI VI who was about half seas over.