The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-07-10

| XIII tu1Aublputtu OuE uiSBethl huu III
tother tyrant Grant refused US the con
troll Of the fedral patronage. The peopl
saw that gradually the entire wealth u
the Corners WIZ certain to go in the hand
Nv the bloatid monopolists, Bascom an,
Pollock. Bascom wus gradooally absorbii
all the capitle OF the Dimocrisy, for h,
delt in the goods they yoose, and oul
march to beggary was stiddy and mex
orable. We coodent work, becoz the ma
tive white Kentuckan IL averse 10 work
and likker be must hev. We kin git OIL
with q very little bread, but likker is |
prime necessity, and there is no escap'
from It. And 20, ez we wuz perdoozir
nothin, and must live, Bascom had go
mortgages onto all our property, and h
wuz gradooally absorbin everything u,
valoo. How to prevent this hez bin thu
problem wich we hev discussed between
drinks, for years. And lately, ez Bascou
hez abandoned the credit system, and in
sists upon cash list before takin . drinl
to prevent mistakes and misunderstood.
ms, we hev he'd plenty Nv time to discuss
these pints.
The Communists Nv Moo York SOLVED
the problem for us. The idee Nv diyidir
up all the property ekally, and abolishir
al one sweep both the creditor and th'
debtor class, nv havin everybody shar,
ekally, not only all the property, but TIT
gains Nv biEnis, struck US CT precisely wa
we wantid, and we determined 10 karry
it into effect.
Deekin Pogram OBJECTED at FIRST, for b.
sed he didn't quite see why he shood Civ,
up his farm; but showd him ez Bascon
held mortgage onto it for more than i
WIZ wuth, that II wood, under the present
neiarious and oppressive system, ineyita
bly, pass into his hands In few shor
months, il woodeut make any difference
anyhow. BE consented, ez did Issakel
Gavitt, whose. mortgage falls due in q
month, and SO did Capt. M'Pelter, wicf
hes recently borrowed a large sum Nv .
Moo England inshoorence company.
Bascom objected and Pollock OBJECTED
and we felt It necessary 10 yoose force
We organized, and after resolvin thai
capital was robbery and whoever pos
sessed more wealth than any one else wul
thief, we moved onto Bascom and Pol
lock. Me and Issaker Gavitt and Deekin
Pogram wuz appointed committee to
divide the property up equitably.
Il WIZ very simple process. There
wuE exactly four hundred present witch
we considered entitled TO dividends, and
all we he'd TO do wuz to inventory their
goods, and divide EN- up. And we did II
Bascom he'd on hand eggsackly two
barls Nv likker, beside wat wuz in the
bottles on the bar, witch the committee
consoomed to support 'em doorin the
division. This wuz eiehty.fonr gallons
Nv likker, to be divided into four hun
dred. In two barls TIERS about six hun
dred and seyenty-two pints, which made
a tr,fle over pint and half to each
Communist. We divided it up, each man
gittin his pint and half, witch WIZ
promptly drunk on the spot. For an
hour after the last drop disappeared the
citizens WIZ enthusiastic over the idee
and Communism wuz votid great sue
cess.
AT Pollock's we bed more trouble. He
he'd about four hundred yards Nv calico
on hand, witch we divided up, givin eech
man yard. There wuz only two hun.
dred PAGES Nv shoes, so eech one got only
one shoe apiece. The sugar and molasses
didn't do EN- very much good, ez 1t wul
waatid largely In DRAWN. The woolet
goods wuz divided up like the calicoes
and give EN- about yard apeece. The
agricultooral implements We divided VI
BY rattle, ez Their wuzn't plows enuF to gt
around, and we coodnt devide pillow.
We got Bascom and Pollock communet
in about an hour, and the Corners post
poned dividin up the real estate till morn
In.
The citizens met at Bascom's early il
the mornin TO finish. The Deekin called
upon Bascom to set EN- up, ez he he'd sole
q pillow wich he he'd won at the division
Nv Pollock's property, TO niger farmer
for four dollars, and he triumphantly
showed the money so that Bascom shooc
hey no hesitashen in settin II out.
"How kin set out likker,n answered
G. W., "when / amt got none? 700 di-
yided II up yesterday afternoon"
"But 700 wuz agoin 10 hey fresh To-
| In from Louisville last night" returned
the Deekip.
~ wuz," replied Bascom, "but coun
fernando the order. l shan't keep nj
more likker in the Corners, till 700 81
some settled noshuns Nv finance. l dom
like this dividin biznis. 700 he'd bette
turn around and find some one who didn'
drink his pint and half, and make hin
divide with them ez did consoom the
share. don't see how you kin stop thi
noshun after It's once startid."
That wuL hopelis. Every mothers Sol
Nv EN- he'd drank his share on the spot
and there wuzn't u drop to be he'd 10
love or money. And Their wuz four hun
dred men, all nv EN- waitin for thei
morning starter, and not drop TO be he'd
And Their sot Bascom, the only man wici
Good furnish II 10 US, smIlin at our ago
nv, en- calm ez q summer mornin. Ant
when he pulled u pint flask from hi
pockit and took his drink with the re
mark that he he'd bin prudent, enutf 4
save that II stnng Us to madnis.
FINELY Bascom sed that the like
that he he'd ordered wuz RELY 10 the Cor
pers, but that he he'd conceded II till b
Good know suthin Nv wat wuz TO happel
10 him. And we compromised. w
agreed to return TO the old ways-to com
pensate him for the hkker we he'd con
soomed the mite afore, and to POSITION
the regenrashun nv the world at least 81!
months, and 10 give him u months mott
aiore we commenst agin. On these con
dishuns he rolled in bari, and the Cor
ners wuz irrigated.
| We are gittin on very well now, b
tradin what We commooned from Pollocl
10 Bsscom for likker. The yard piece
NV calico and wooden he takes for like
and sells EN- to men in Louisville to chez
clothin men for vest patterns, and th
other goods he takes at fair yalyooaaher
Bascom amt hard to deal with 81 70,
hev got anything with wich TO pay him.
don't know how community ike
ez we are kin hev communism in Its pu
rity. We are In the iron grasp nv cap
ital, and don't appear to DO able 10 81
out Nv II. Ell We Good divide Bascom uT
and then the minnit wat We took Nv hin
vuz gone, hev another man come In wit
stock to:diyide up, and 30 al iHfaitlH
Il wood work, but dealers In necesgariei
rs the Deekin remarks, Is sordid, an
when they diskiyer the kind Nv q mark