The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-07-26

phone.
Wild waves, what do you say p
Exchange. Board at the seaside
four dollars a day.--Norristowu
Herald.
The following are the names of
towns in Texas 'Hog-eye,' He'll
'Lick-Skillet" Rake Pocket and
Steal Easy
Street boys in London get arrest
ed for playing at Turks and Rus
sians,' which seems to involve some
hearty fighting.
Manners are more esteemed in
society than virtues, though the one
is artificial, like false briliiants. and
the other pure, like real jewels.
A correspondent says the worst
fyrant in the world is the woman
who fancies herself superior to her
husband, and lets everyb ody know
it.
An Indiana preacher made use of
the expression, the iconoclastic seq
regate of sin," last Sunday, and has
already received call to church
in Boston.
America, heretofore, has been de-
ficient in the matter of old ruins
but number of old political frauds
are now being ruined, and that is
something to be proud of.
Wendell Phillips says that three
fifths of Americans have something
10 lose, and half the rest hope soon
to have; and that there can be no
communism in this country.
1t is credibly believed that the
ex-Empress Eugene is going into
penciling her eyebrows and white
washing her face with great care of
late.
A Buffalo minister has been
preaching a sermon about The Tru-
ly Beautiful Woman and now sew
eral church members are always at
home when the pastor calls on their
wives.
The just published report of an
Irish benevolent society says: Not
withstanding the large amount paid
for medicine and medical attend
ance, very few deaths occurred du-
ring the year.
The Brooklyn Union-Argus feels
as proud as if it were Mr.. Edison.
1t has discovered the difference be-
tween the weather and the baby
One never rains but it pours the
other never pains but it roars.'
A Nelliston genius has invented
pair of spectacles which enable the
Wearer to see behind him as we'll as
in front. If Mrs. Lot had worn
one of these invaluable glasses, that
pillar of salt never would have seen
the light.
"Sam, you are not honest. Why
do you put all the good peaches On
top of the measure and the little
ones below ~ Same reason, sar,
dat makes the front of your house
all marble, and de back gate chiefly
slcp bari, sab. st. Louis Spirit.
The tramp nuisance is worrying
Iowa considerably. Here in Mis-
souri,, we believe they corral the
tramps and put them at work max
ing democratic platforms. The plat
form of last Wednesday is not very
creditable to the tramps, either
st. Louis Globe-Democrat.
Cincinnati Breakfast Table =.
Among the Zulus, nation of the
Caffres, according to etiquette, the
mother-in-law cannot face the SON.
in-law, but must hide, or pretend to
hide, when she sees him. In this
country the custom is reversed. 1t
is the son-in-law who does the
lodging.
Brethren, let US resolve to never
again aim the shaft of ridicule at
chewing gum. From its excessive
mastication an Ohio woman con-
tracted the lock-iaw, and was un-
able to speak for three days. Her
husbands hair, which was quite
gray, turned to a Jet black the first
night.-Brooklyn Dem.
An Austin bachelor being twitted
by some ladies with his single state,
and asked how it was that he had
never married, said: 81 don't know
exactly how it is, but 1 have always
felt an indisposition to marriage,
and 1 can't see why it should be,
either. surely don't inherit it, for
my father and mother were both
married. Austin (Nev.) Review.
A Buffalo alderman astonished
the board, in a meeting for consid-
Grafton as to the building of new
Jail, by remarking: "f make der
motion as der new jail be build on
der same spot as der cid Jail what's
now standing: dat saves der money
for der land, and 1 makes der mo-
ton as der old Jail shall not be pull
down till der new Jail is built, so
we will not be mitout der jail
He was an entire stranger to the
girls present, and the boys were
mean and would not introduce him.
He finally plucked up courage, and
stepping up to q young lady, re-
quested the pleasure of her compa-
ny for the next dance. She looked
At him in surprise, and informed
him that she had not the pleasure of
his acquaintance. "W ell" remark.
ed CaZenovia, "you don't take any
more chances than l do"
There was a little fellow who
knew Mother Goose better than he
knew his bible. One Sunday he
was asked in his class, who were
thrown into the fiery furnace p
That was too much for him, the
question passed the answer came
promptly, 'Shadrach, Meshach, and
| Abednego.' This was q mortifica-
| ton to the little fellow, and when
the next question came, who put
them in p he answered with Jump,
Little johnny Green
A French newspaper illustrates the
high charges in Paris during the
exhibition. at restaurant 3 gen.
tieman who nnmisLakably does not
belong to the light fingered tribe, is
openly-not furtiYely-shoVing the
spoons and forks into his pocket.
The waiter says: ALLOW me to OBJ
serve, monsieur, that you are put
pocket We'll, are they net com
prised in the dinner bill2 I thought
by the charge it included every.