The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-01-31
EVERYDAY SPICERIES.

EVERYDAY SPICERIES.
WHTTEHHLL Times: A man without
an enemy is like bread without yeast.
New YORK Commercial Aduertiser
Men of nose-maul es-Prize fighters.
On CRY Derrick. A man never uses
his thumb-nail for screw-driver but
once.
THE song of the Cincinnat;an, accord
ing to the Graphic: " Hold the pork,
fry ham corting.
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin: A little boy
will never willingly relinquish any Of
his cakes, except his spank-aches.
TURNER'S FALLS Reporter: Tne spec
tacle of red-haired woman chopping
hash, is prolific cause of insanity.
ROME Sentinel: The difference be-
tween boy and barn is that shingles
are applied to the roof on the barn.
DANBURY Nesos: The man who svore
off is beginning to observe, with great
feeling, We've got but one life to live,
anyway"
HACKENsACK Republican: It was a
udfkcy WuO cACidlLuco % uC AOoC 1fVHt
his knees at camp meeting, "Here l
raise my ebon-knees, sir p .sS,ss
The Yonker's Gazette tells of pa
thetic speech after which there was
probably but one dry eye in the entire
assemblage, and that was a glass one.
How busily the town COW goes
For the fodder Of her country foes
She climbs into the wagon-box
Regardless of the Eell-aimed rocks,
And eats her fill Of straw, the while
She wears peaceful. Pensive smile.
-Ffanklin, (Ry.) Patriot.
Transcript: 1t wasa Frenchman who,
being told that it was hardly worth willie
to make great fuss over fea-bite,
answered, Ce nest pas Ia pique, c'est Ia
promenade"
WORCESTER Press. Human jaws sell
for two dollars apiece at the seat of war
in Bulgaria, and yet the American
people pay Sc, 900 year and mileage to
| their Congrcssmen.
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin. The fashion
books are fascinating studies; and
as we turn over their leaves marked
Fig. l, Fig. 2, etc., it some times seems
as if the fashion of Fig. leaves is coming
back again.
BosToN Post. A man in Peekskill,
N. Y, has tried to get up an old maid
.how and made miserable failure of it.
A thorou b canvass has demonstrated
that the Oldest unmarried lady in Peeks-
kill is twen'y-three.
| A HoHoKUs man who has become the
father of twins saws that he wishes to
| preserve the double standard-M Y.
Herald. 1t isn't likely that anybody
| will want to take them at their par
value Worcester Press.
New YORK Commercial: An indig-
nant correspondent wants to know
whether the twenty-five reyolvers which
appear in the Senate list of inc dental
expenses were loaded or not. We don't
know. But they appear to have bsen
| charged.
IT'S said Xantippe was scold-
| No greater scold than She
/ And that because of this she earned
4 Her lords antipathy;
And yet there must have been why
For all her fippancies,
And may 1t not have been because
She found old soc teazef e. -,
i NEW ORLEANS Picayune: The
highest sense of humor developed by
i Yale students is the stealing Of q
poor bridesmaids sign and putting it up
in the wrong place. The young men
laugh heartily when they have misplaced
sign, and the action fills their intel
lectual wants.
CATsKILL Recorder: Kingston, New
York, has professional juror who, when
the jury retires for consultation, says to
+ his fellow members: "Gentlemtn,
! have agreed SO and SO, and when you
3 come to the same conclusion, wake me
> up." He then lies down, and when the
jury agree with him he is ready 10 re
port, but not before.
The great rage, just now, is to tel
! enormous lies about the remarkable
freaks of vegetation in this unusually
m Id weather, and tie man who tells the
: biggest lie carries off the chrome. Out
d on South Hill-bSt we won't try, it's nc
use; we never could lie.-Burlingto
Haukeye. That W II do; You have wor
the chrome. Boston Commercial Bulletin
: LONDON Fun: First Swell-"I Say
I Plevna has. fallen.o Second ditto
E "Ya-as, so I see." F. S-"Gweat blow
to the--ah-the-ah." s. ditto" tt
t the ali, yes-the-W Wussians." F. S.
/ "Ya-as. He was their pwincipal een
e ewal, believe" s." Ya-as, something
e of the sort; but, weally, / don't twoubl,
s to wead about the waw. It's too much.
e F. S.-"Qu,te awfully too much
f weally; only everybody s saying Plevna'
9 fallen, you know, and it's fashionable
) DETROIT Post: "Now, then, stat,
y your case" said Detroit lawyel
g The other day as he put five-dollar BIZ
s away in his vest pocket. Well" be
e gan his cl ent, supposing the mai
e living next door wants to put bari
q right up against my line, coming within
n two feet of my houseT He can't d
b it, sir--can't do any such thing" re
7, pied the lawyer. "But / want to pu
u my barn right up against his line" re
d marked the client. Oh-ah-yes,
d see. Well, sir, go right ahead and Pu
he your barn there. All the law in III
20 case is on your side."