Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-06-07
WITH OUR LITTLE SCISSORS.
BURLINGTON nAwkKYK BALLAD.

AnURLISGroS BAwkKYR BALLAD.
Oh, don't you remember the orchard. Maud,
| And the old gnarly tree by the gate,
And the apples that came when the blooms wer
Which the worms and the children ate
Oh. don't remember how it struck the worms'd 'dea
Maud,
But mind Just how awfully felt,
When they carried me home, In q bow knot, Maud
With peck Of apples under my belt.
Oh, don't you remember the meadow lot, Maud
:, And the brooklet that rlppled from the spring,
| And we listed to the meadow larks sing
| oh. I've strolled down there in mRnhood's days.
But l got up and busted when found
That I'd sat right down where some humble bees
| Maud,
Were just coming out of the ground.
Oh. don't You remember the hillside, Maud.
Where we hunted for tho brown thrushs eggs,
And the little red ants by the million, Maud
| Used to crawl up a fellows trowser legs,
( 1 could talk of the happy old times, dear Maud,
| From now till the middle of November,
But man Of my age can forget, you bet.
blamed sight more than he'll remember
A person who evidently felt down in the
mouth-Jonah.
Austin Dobson. the English poet. com
| plains TOO hard il is to sing, in these un-
tuneful times" A friend suggests that Mr..
| Dobson might whistle.
, Three little boys on n recent Sabbath were
stopped on n street in this city by an elderly
gentleman who, perceiving that they had
bats and n ball with them. asked one of the
number this question boy. can you tell
me where all naughty boys go to who play
ball upon Sunday ?" "Over back ofJohnson' S
dam - the youngster replied. Kennebec
Journal.
"Have You a Chaucer?" asked n young
lady, looking in at bookstore. The polite
young clerk replied No. he never used it
but there was a tobacconists Just two doors
above
Fax. Missus O'Toole, take scbmall little oonion
Its flavor is foine; its an illigsnt brade;
Troth, ~d me Don hand, sure, l rared opp the era
ture;
And in me oon gharden planted the sade.
Bedad, Missus Doyle, 1 thank yez quote kindly;
By my sowl ! regrit that yer dish doesn't suit
Boot me loongs is quot wake; an the docther has
On account av me hilth, not to ate anv froot.
Charles Lever limited at the coming inven-
tion of the phonograph when he said of one
of his characters in the Polar regions that
the words were frozen as they fell from his
lips, until at last he was up to his knees in
his own eloquence.
There is nothing more mortifying to n man
who is anxious to be published as a hero than
to seize drowning woman by the hair and
then have the hair come Off
A popular doctor OF Utica. n. Y. while es-
corting lady home the other evening, at
tempted to relieve her-cough and sore throat
by giving her troche. lie told her to allow
it TO dissolve gradually in her mouth. No
relief was experienced, and the doctor felt
quite chagrined the next day when the lady
sent him pantaloon button. with Il note
saving he must have given her the wrong
kind of a troche and might need this one.
Colonel Mulligan. of Chicago. well-known
Fenian agitator. says that i'll the event of war
between Russia and England, fully 100000
men well drilled and armed with Remington
rifles, can be relied upon to march on Cana
da at thirty hours notice He fails to state,
however, how many can be relied upon to get
back again. which is very important ques-
tion TO those who may feel disposed to enlist
in the expedition Paterson Guardian.
''To such base uses do we come ut last.
Hostess whispering to Distinguished Anna
teur) al want You TO sing next. Distin-
guished Amateur (whose voice is not quite
what it used to bel IL thought wasn't TO
sing until quite at the end Hostess Yes
but there are not ices enough, and l want
some OF the people to CO. Punch.
The Binghamton Times is talking about
Young Mems Perils." Merciful heavens
Is this leap year. Rochester Express.
Clothes were invented in Europe for the
purpose of having something to attach med
ais to- Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
Baltimore man has invented new pa
per collar which he calls the Worm because
1t will turn. Cincinnati Saturday Night.
When two girls meet they kiss. When two
young men meet they don't. That shows
who wants kissing tine worst. Young Folks
World
You can bny n baby III China for one hun
dred cancelled postage stamps. But as long
as you can buy china baby IN this country
for five cents it would be bald piece of fol
ly to squauder the price of trip to China
for an inferior article. Norristown Her
aid
Girls" said n worthy old lady to her
granddanghters, whenever II fellow pops
the question, don't blush and stare at your
foot. Just throw your arms around his neck,
look him full in the face, and commence
talking about the furniture. Young fellows
are mighty nervous sometimes. lost seye-
raj good chances before l caught your fond.
dear grandfather, by putting ON airs, but
learnt how to do it after awhile.
We should like to hear If there are any re-
formed persons engaged in making straw
berry boxes this year If not. We'll take our
quart home in teacup and leave the box ut
the grocery. There is no telling how many
promising children have been taught to lie
and cheat by just coming i'll contact with
''regulation" strawberry box -[Detroit Post.
A Virginia girl placed her ear ngainst a
beam and let her brother drive n brad-nwl
through it in order to encourage her suffer
ing mother to have a tooth pulled Ex.
We're not the suffering mother of any Nir-
ginia girl that We know of but we've had
girls bore our ears until We felt willing to
have every tooth in our head jerked out, II it
woulc stop 'em. Haven't you. [Philadel-
phia Bulletin.