davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01
VARIETIES.

-" Tommy, my son, what is longitude? p
"a clothes line, papa" "Prove it, my son.
Because it stretches from pole to pole"
Mrs Darlington says that she was
much elucidated last Sunday on hearing
fine discourse on the parody of the prodi
gious son.
When Abraham Lincoln was gravely
informed by an English snob that mo gen
tleman in England blacks his own boots,
Lincoln replied by asking Whose boot:
does he black ~
--"Why, DOCTOR" said sick lady, "you
give me the same medicine as you are giving
my husband; how's that?" "All right, re.
piled the doctor; whats sauce for the
goose is sauce for the ganderl"
AT a wedding recently, when the cler.
gyman asked the lady, "Wilt thou have
this man to be thy welded husband2" she
with modesty which lent her beauty an
additional grace, replied, "it you please
$50" said lady, recently, to mer.
chant, "your pretty daughter has married
a rich husband ?" "Well," slowly replied
the father, 81 believe she has married a
u
poor husband
-"Wcre you ever shot ?" asked the old
lady, busting her glasses and taking good
look at the soldier. mo, never was ex.
actly," said the booty warrior, "but I've
been half shot good many times. Break.
fast Table.
Old Party (who has sent for the land.
lord Landlord, can't get anything to
eat your pretty waiter girls devote theil
time to the good looking young fellows
Haven't you got a homely old waiter who
has lost her beautyW
An uncle recently found his nephew
playing the violin, and the following hits
took place: 81 fear, nephew, you lose a
great deal of time with this hddling"-
"Sir, endeavor to keep time" "You
mean, rather, to kill time" mo; only
| beat time
-"There would be more saloons in this
town." said native, as the train slowed
north through Montgomery, "ifit wasn't fol
one thing" "And what is that 2" asked
the tourist. Amt any more houses" re-
piled the native, and the tourist closed his
/ lDlC DoOh ANU ItllldlHtu dbSNIDCu III
thought.
She Dewitchingly:J "Oh, I'm SC
glad, you're going Ia see me to my CARR
age, Mr. Brown" He Qiattered): "In.
deed ; and may ask why r. She: ooh
because the girls are so jealous, and | want
to prove that | do not monopolize all the
good looking men," Brown satisfied but
not so happy as he expected to be.
| About Il Stand Of.--He was an entire
stranger to the girls present, and the boys
were mean and would not introduce him
He finally plucked up courage, and step
ping up to Il young lady requested the
pleasure of her company for the next dance
She looked at him in surprise, and inform
ed him that she had not the pleasure of hi
acquaintance. well" remarked thu
young man, "you don't take any more
chances than do"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01

A MoRTGAaE.-In the whole range IF
sacred and profane literature, perhaps thr,e
is nothing recorded which has such staying
qualities rs a good healthy mortgage A
mortgage can be depended upon to stick
closer than a brother. 1t has mission to
perform which never let's up. Day after
day it is right there, nor does the slightest
tendency to slumber impair its vigor in the
night
Night and day, on the Sabbath, and ut
HOLIDAY times, without moments time
for recreation, the biting offspring of its
existence, interest goes on. The season
may change, days run into weeks, weeks
into months and months be swallowed up
into the gray mansions of advancing years,
but that mortgage stands up in sleepless
vigilance; with the interest, perennial
stream ceaselessly running on. Like huge
nightmare eating out the sleep of some rest
less slumberer, the unpaid mortgage rears
up its gaunt front in perpetual torment to
the miserable wight who is held within its
pitiless clutch. 1t holds the poor victims
with the relentless grasp of giant; not one
hour of recreation not moments evasion
of its hideous presence. A genial savage
of modifying aspect while the interest is
paid very devil of hopeless destruction
when the payments fail.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01

A SOUR Soil AND SoRREL.-Some weeks
ago you called for an expression of opinion
| on the sorrel question, or as to the effect of
lime upon the growth of sorrel. Some as
sumed that sorrel was the natural product
of q sour soil, and that an alkali would of
course neutralize the acid in the SOIL and
thus destroy the growth of the plant. This
idea, though old, has always seemed very
foolish to me. The word sour when applied
to land, is simply misnomer. 1t is used
to convey the idea that the soil is wet, cold
and clayey, generally producing short
growth of fine wiry grass and moss. Why
it should be called sour cannot see, but
probably the name has given rise to the
idea that the growth ofsorrel upon any land
is prima facie evidence of an excess of acid
in the soil.
never saw weeds of any kind make much
Roadway in any soil where there was a fine
growth of grass but if for any cause (and
the cause is not always easily discovered)
the grass fails, some sort of weed is very
sure to take its place. And the kind of
weed depends greatly upon the time of
the year that the grass or other crop fails,
the kind and condition of the soil,
&c.
We cannot tell why the nutrition gath
cred from the soil and atmosphere should
be so changed that the juice of the sorrel
should be sour, and the juice of the sugar.
cane should be sweet or that the same
should make upon one bush n white rose,
upon another yellow, and upon another
crimson rose.
But neutralizing the acid of the soil with
lime, as preventative against the growth
ofsorrel would be about like sprinkling the
ground with vinegar to prevent the growth
of sugar cane, or dressing the ground under
meath sour apple tree with sugar to sweet
en- the fruit, or painting the earth about
roses and tlower-beds to give the blossoms
the desired tinge.- o. L. Williams an Ger
mantoarn Telegraph.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01

THE Hour OF DEATH.-I agree with the
great scholar Bengel that death should not
become spiritual parade, but should be
regarded as the natural close of our ordi-
nary life; the final note of the psalm of
which each day has been Il stanza. We
ought so to live that to die would be no
more remarkable than for man in the
middle of business to hear a knock at the
street door, and quietly to step away from
his engagements. There should be no hur-
rying for a clergyman to administer sacra-
ments. or for lawyer TO write hasty
will, or for an estranged relative to'make
peace but all should be arranged and or
dered as if we kept our accounts closely
balanced, expecting an immediate audit.
This would make noble living.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01
The Tired Old Woman.

There was an old woman who always was tired,
She lived in house where no help was hired
Her last words on earth were, "Dear friends, |
am going
Where sweeping amt done, nor churning, nor
sewing,
And everything there will be just TO my wishes,
For where they don't eat there's no washing of
dishes.
And tho there the anthems are constantly ring
ing,
l, having no voice, will get rid of the singing
Don't mourn for me now and don't mourn for
me never,
For Pm going to do nothing for ever and evern
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01

eff there amt master, as hasn't left his
bed for year, runnin' as ifa tiger was
| after him !"
differentiated the fire ?" painted I'm
Gle Joseph, gazing wildly around him.
Mrs. Perkins rushed to the front door,
her cap strings streaming.
II never saw such pack of born idiots
in my life ~ she gasped. "There amt no
tire-only a few pieces ofgreen wood put
in the kitchen fire. One would think you'd
never seen smoke atore and-why, if there
amt master ~
"Theodora," said Mr.. White, looking
somewhat sheepish, "where did you see a
fire 2"
81 din't see it, uncle, but you said the
house was on fire." Theodore answered
demurely land Of course thought you
must know. Please, uncle, 90 back to
bed.n
II won't" said Uncle Joseph gather
ing the skirts of his wrapper closer about
him.
but, uncle you are sick"
mo, Pm not !"
Uncle, do you really mean it"
"Of course do, Thea ?"
And he did mean il. The cure had been
effected; and Theodore mentally congratu-
lated herself on the success of her plan of
treatment And uncle Joseph never allud-
ed to the day on which his niece had taken
him so implicitly at his word.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01

A treasure up tree was seen in the
watches of the night by pedar who was
sleeping in a farm house in the Shenan-
doah Valley. He told his dream to the
farmer next morning, and on three success
i've nights he had the same vision. Then
he prevailed upon the farmer to accompany
him to the forest, where he pointed out a
large oak tree as the one he had seen in
his dream. 1t was apparently sound at
the butt, but about twenty feet up limb
had been broken of. The farmer did not
feel like humoring what he supposed to be
superstitious whim, but the old fellow
seemed to have confidence in his vision,
and offered him one-half the spoils if he
would help himcut down the tree. When
the tree fell there was rattle ofcoin near
where the limb had been broken off, and
small hollow was found there. By little
chopping larger cavity was found, and
within was mass of silver. Both seemed
wild with delight, and on counting up
found that the pile amounted to $4,000
The pedlar expressed his unwillingness to
carry around so much silver in his pocket
and inquired where he would be likely to
get greenbacks for bis share. The farmer
having considerable money in his house,
Immediately transferred to the pedar
$4,000 in paper money and took charge of
the entire bulk of silver. The pedlar dis
appeared, and when his partner attempted
to pass some of the silver, 10 it was coun-
terleit. He was the victim of q gang of
coiners.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01
Pc @ tic al.
Waiting.

waiting.
Serene fold my hands and wait, VI.
Nor care for wind, nor tide nor sea;
| rave no more 'gainst time or fate,
For 10 my own shall come to me.
| stay my haste, / make delays,
For what avails the eager pace?
| stand amid the eternal ways,
And what is mine shall know my face.
Asleep, awake, by night or day,
The friends | seek are seeking me:
No wind can drive my bark astray,
Nor change the tide of destiny
What matter if 1 stand alone?
wait with Joy the coming years;
My heart shall reap where il has sown,
And garner up its fruit of tears.
The waters know their own and draw
The brook that springs in yonder heights
SO flows the good with equal law
Unto the soul of pure delights.
Yon tloweret nodding in the wind
Is ready plighted to the bee;
And, maiden, why that look unkind?
For 10! thy lover seeketh thee.
The stars come nightly to the sky,
The tidal wave unto the sea;
Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,
Can keep my own away from me.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01

The farmer will succeed who makes
up his mind that the whole secret of sue
cess is in himself; that it is the man and
not the business that tells. He will sue
coed if lie brings to bear the same amount
of skill, forethought, energy, economy and
Judgment that any other branch of bust
ness requires, He VIII succeed if he
sticks close to bis farm, as the mechanic
does to his shop and not expect to work
three or four months and then take his ease
the rest of the year.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01
Walker Bootsl Walker Boots

r AM NOW PREPARED to serve my customers with
l. all kinds of Roots and Shoes including the cee-
brated Walker Boots, of which have always kept IA
complete assortment
Testimonial from Residents of Balti-
more County;
We the undersigned having tested the quality of the
Walker Boots sold by Samuel s. Ely, No. 1872 N Gay
street, hereby recommend them to friends pos
sessng all the qualities he claims for them.
Signed SAMUEL B0SLEY, 10th District
JOHN l. ANDERSON. 9th District,
ELISHA CHRISTOPHER, l2h District,
SHELTON PRICE, 9th District,
JOHN IL. SCARFF, 9th District
j. NJ. MCC0MAS, Jr, 10th District.
and many others. claim that the leather of which
the genuine Walker Boots made is water
proof; it will softer it will snger it will
squarer the bottom it is the hest fitting; the
heel will be less likely to run over" they hand
pegged; every pair saddleseamed and cannot rip.
Mr.. Walker offers ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS RE-
WARD to any one who will frd of his Boots in
which there is counter inner sole, slip SOLE piece
of heeng that is not cut from good thick piece of
sole leather.
also keep a complete assortment of Low PRICE
BOOTS, SHOES and CATERS. GiveInea call and ex-
anime my stock and prices. l intend to keep up the
reputation have gained by always giving fair return
Best quality Walker Boots $500. Remember, one
price all for best quality, S4OO
NOTICE NOTICE!! NOTICE
Owing to the superiority of the Best Walker Boots
over all Others INSCRIPTIONS dealers selling
second quality and inferior goods for Best Walker Boots
warn all my friends and the public that the best
quality Walker Boots are stamped on the sole BEST
QUALITY WALKER BOOT * and can be found at
1872 North Gay street.
There two Elys in the same square, 10 get in
the right place remember the number 1872
Ladies' and Childrens Shoes, coarse and fine, at all
prices.
o19 SANGUEL s. lily
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01
THE EGIS & INTELLIGENCER,
stuBLIsHED EVERY FRIDAY
F. w. 3 A K E r.
Terms--S so Year, in Advance
Otherwise $500 Will be charged.

TRANSIENT ADvERTsEMENTs.-one Square, twoiuser
lions Sl.00 Each subsequent insertion, 25 cents Lo
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS in the same proportion. spac
equal to six lines makes square.
A5- Yearly advertisements at special rates
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01

No farm is complete that ignores
stockraising, Get the BEST which is al
ways the cheapest in the end.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01

Make tie collection and composing
Of fertilizing materials constant employ
melt.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01
GROCFRIFS

b. Sugar and 91a cents White 10 cents. Gran.
ualed II cents Hard Crush II u cents. Firstclass
Green Coffee 20 cents per pound Roasted 25 cents
Firstclass Tea 25 cents per pound syrups of every
description. We will offer you the Golden Syrup for
30 cents mel gallon.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-01

=" Tommy, my son, what is longitude ?"
"a clothes line, papa" "Prove it, my son."
because it stretches from pole to pole"
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1878-04-24
DAILY INYELLIGENCER.
Wednesday, April "a, 1878

HEALTH AND TALEST-It is no ex-
ageration to say that health is large
ingredient in what the world calls
talent. A man without it may be a
giant in intellect, but his deeds will be
the deeds of q dwarf. On the con-
trary, let him have quick circulation,
q good digestion, the bulk, ;hews, and
sinews of a man, and he will set. failure
at defiance. A man has good reason to
think himself well off in the lottery Of
life if be draws the prize of healthy
stomach without a mind. rather than
the prize of fine intellect and crazy
stomach But. Of the two. q weak mind
in q herculean frame is better than
giant mind with crazy constitution.
A pound OF energy with an ounce of
talent will achieve greater results than
. pound of talent with an an ounce Of
energy.-Uome Journal.
The New York herald., 1878-12-15

KENTUCKY STATE DRAWS DECEMBER "a
N CAPITAL PRIZE $4,000.
Whole Tickets ST.
JACKSON X Co, Bankers, 50 Nassau st. Fulton.
AWSUITS.-PARTIES HAVING GOOD ACTIONS
Land who been wronged because they have
means get their rights have them attended to- with
out any expense, by responsible lawyer Address JUS
TICE, Herald Uptown Office.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1878-01-07
The Proof Complete The Secret Writ
Ing unmportant.

II is said that Major L. A. BURKE Of New
Orleans has in his possession written
agreement entered into by Mr.. HAYES.
through his attorneys, "a condition
precedent TO his being declared elected.
This agreement amounts to a pledge that
the PACKARD state Government Of LOUISE
ana whose title 10 Office was precisely as
good as that Of the HAYES electors, should
be superseded If HAYES became President
That such writing was in existence, and
probably is So still, is established by proof
strong enough tocOnNlcta person Of murder.
Nh LAMAR demanded such an assurance.
MrJoIfH YOUSG BROwN says letters in COM
plance with this demand were given by
CHARLES Foster and STANLEY MATTHEWS,
representing HAYES Major BURKE has de-
clared that he had copy Of such an agree
ment, and ho gave as u reason for not exhib-
ltln& the original, that the original parties
thoroto are bound not to divulge their
bnowledge OF lie purport, except in the
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1878-01-07
Shall We Make War on Canadai

A serious International difficulty is re-
ported from thonorthwestcrn border Mai
WALSH, au officer of the British police at
present occupied in keeping SITTING BULL
in order, recently invaded the soil of the
United States at the head of "a hostile force
numbering not less than two ana probably
not more than slX men. BY an Official re-
port forwarded To Gen. TERRY 1t appears
that Major WALSH boldly crossed the
boundary line in pursuit of Me- Perez
woman who had been kidnapped 10y band
Of Gros Ncntres, rescued the squaw, and
carried her back to British territory
We commend this report to the attention
of certain bcllcose newspapers which are
not So deeply Interested In subsidy schemes
that they cannot keep watchful eve upon
the national honor Did the Canadians de-
libcately plan this invasion with an intent
to provoke war; Are the British police
unable to keep our Indians in order without
sending out armed expeditions to invade our
soil and break into the camps OF our patriotic
red men Shall We wait for the slow
processes Of arbitration provided for such
cases by our treaties with Great Britain, or
shall We arise in our might, and muster an
army 70 ayenge the outrage and seize
Canada
In the latter event the first thing ncces-
sary isa subsidy of eighty millions to enable
the Northern Pacific Railroad To complete
its line. Not otherwise can we protect our
northern frontier from the insolcnt in
yaslons Of Major WALSH.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1878-01-07

Imagine ANDREW JACKSON in the White
House, as of old, the head Of the great
National Democratic party, Its candidate
elected-as he was twice elected-by an
honest majority of honest votes, to the Office
Of President A man in Georgia, having
heard that the President proposes TO appoint
q certain person United States Marshal for
that State, addresses TO him the inquiry
Z" Has M lSo-and-So been recommended 10
you as a Whig?" Would Gen. JACKSON have
answered whinngly: NO, bit as man Of
pery Hberai principles in politics s.?
We rather think not. He would, more
likely, have replied: "Sirl What do you
mean by insulting me by such question
he of, sir" We fear inasmuch as Old Hick-
DRY had not been converted and joined the
church until period later than his occu-
pancy OF the White House, that his ndigna-
tlon at such an inquiry might have found
vent in some Of those forcible and charac-
feristic phrases which were said at times 20
turn the atmosphere OF the East Room blue.
Why was ii, when Gen. GORDON tclc-
graphed to Mr.. HAYES, asking If certain
candidate for Marshal had been recon-
mcnded as n Democrat. that Mr.. HAYES did
not reply to the impertnent and insulting
Inquiry with that rcsentful Indignation
which any honest man honestly elected
President by honest Republican votes would
have manicstcdS
Because Mr.. HAYES is not an honest man /;
because he was not honestly elected Presi-
dent by Republican votes, but had bargain
I'd for a dishonest election. and a. the con-
sideratlon for such an election had agreed to
betray his party. and to honor and
strengthen and exalt it, enemies. On no
other theory can his conduct be even plaus-
bly, explained.
To contrast this man. capable OF such
rowardly establishment for office, with his
predecessors like ANDREW JACKSON, or with
great statesman of JACKsoNs period
who never occupied the White House,
because he would rather be right than
be President the gallant HARRY CLAY
we say to contrast HAYES with men like
these is enough TO make the cheek of every
American mantle with shame for the de-
generacy of the times ON which We have
fallen
JACKSON would have had his tongue cut
out sooner than it should have spoken to a
political opponent such words as HAYES
spoke TO GORDON.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1878-01-07

fercd tho mission to England TO the Penn
sylvania delegation, and the mission to
Germany to the Illinois delegation, and
when they agreed upon the nominations to
be made, he broke his voluntary pledges
and provoked the lasting cnmity OF the men
who were thus trncd with, insultcd, and
cheated.
Honest john SHERMAN is universally re-
gardcd as n manager Of his own interests
at the head of the Treasury. lie therefore
commands no confidence, and has no follow
ing outside narrow circle of jobbers, skilled
in the rule OF Addition. Division, and ST.
lcncc. Mr.. ScHuRz has justified the worst
predictions OF his enemies, as n vision
airy and impracticablc theorist. overcome
by n little brief authority and transformed
into petty tyrant, who rules the Interior
Department like pcdagoguc, and imports
regulations to bcautify the civil service,
Will he still keeps 10 Illustrated by the
worst cgacic- Of Glanti-m.
Mr.. KEY is little more than clerk to Mon
TONS man TYNER, and Is content with the
degradation of drawing the salary and alb
dicatlng the functions OF Postmastcr-Gen-
eral He has not power enough in the de-
brought IL into absolute disgrace by prom
ises that he has not been permitted to
redeem. Mr.. DEvESs Is Of no account OK
ccpt as an inccnse-bearer In the White
House and an attendant on the Fraudulent
President who fills his ear with abuse Of tho
Republican leaders. Mr.. MCCRARY obcys
the orders Of Mr.. EvARTs, and instructed
Gen. ORD 10 invade Mexico as part of his
duty of submission. Ancient DICK THoMP-
son was converted into de fdcto Secretary
Of the Navy, because HAYES remembered
his fine voice at Wing meeting thirty years
ago!
This collection Of pretcndcrs and incapa-
bles is imposed on the Republican party n
Cabinet, for the acts and policy Of which IL
Is held responsible by the country. Is 1t
surprising that the intelligent masses OF
that party, and the accepted leaders who
have heretofore shaped its course, should
be indignant at the imposition. or should
revolt at the treachery Of HAYES The
crisis is at hand. The explosion may come
any day after Congress meets, and all the en-
deavors 10 patch up a compromise must end
in the confusion Of those who attempt to
bridgs over an impossible gulf.