The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-08-15
Wit and HumOr.


An exchange says many plant is ru-
ined by too much soaking. So is many
man.
"To Greece we give our shining blades"
now that butter is only sixteen cents a
pound.-BerbSd5ye Courier.
The woman who maketh a good pud-
ding in silence is better than she who
maketh tart reply.-z'roy Whig
The Government ought to put up a
small shed now for our standing army
to drill under when it rains.-Detrott
Post.
The CRATE weakness ov most people
lays in the fact that their naburS kno
them better than they kno themselves -
Josh Billings.
That man is not friend to his race
who builds house in which one back
door must be used by the women of
separate families.-IurRerS FaNs Re
porter.
A Chicago man had the jim jams the
other night and enough snakes We're found
in one OF his boots to start out seven new
circuses on the road This is reliable
st. Louis Journal,
A Virginia widow refused to marry
bald headed man, though he was mil
honaire. She explained: WED have a
family fight sometime, and he has no hair
to catch hold Of
If Harper's drawer" may be believed,
a little girl wrote to her absent papa
that Ponto (the puppy was growing
bigger and bigger every day, and some
times twice day
Il never complained of my condition
but once" said an old man, "when my
feet were bare and had no money to buy
shoes; but l met a man without feet and
became contented.'
Tommy, do You know that your Uncle
Robert has found little boy baby on his
door step, and he is going to adopt himl"
YES, mamma; and hell be Uncle Bob's
step-sOn, wont he!'
The Detroit Free Press asks: Are
watermelons healthy' They are not.
They are dropsical, and never attain
"ripe oil age seldom living over six
NorriSt0lcH Herald.
My dear said a gentleman to his
wife, "Uur new club is going to have all
the home comforts Indeed" sneered
the wife; "aud when, pray, is our home
to nave all the club comtorts!'
"Sir," said lady recently to an Aber-
deem merchant, your pretty daughter
has married q rich husband "Well, -"
slowly replied the father, II believe she
has married a rich man, but l understand
he is very poor husband
1t will be a great comfort when the
whole OF this country is hundred years
old These dribbiiug Centennials, "
after the big shower in 1876, just keep
things damp, without doing the country
any particular good.-PhjladelpAta BuI-
.etiH.
\ minister travelling through the West
some years ago asked an old lady on
whom he had called what She thought of
the doctrine Of total depravity. "Oh,"
she replied, 81 think it is a good doc
trine. il the people would Only act up
to it,"
Edison proposes to construct an appa-
ratios that Will receive q whisper on the
first floor, and repeat it in loud tone on
evening callers We protest against the in
troiucuon of an such Internal machine.
Rome StstlHel.
~ INFLEXIBLE JUDGE. - Beverly
Smith wa aei ont of cell No. 6, with the
creates, fromptness, and "a he ranged
before the desk and smiled, he said
"We.l, this is indeed a surprise, Why,
. "a
here. Shake, old fellow ~
His honor wouldn't.
Don't you remember your old school
mate, Bcy Smithf inquired the prisoner.
Don't you remember how we used to
steal melons together-how we both went
over the miil-dam in ~ old boat-how
we read novels under the lee side Of hay
stacks.'
4 strange light crept into his honor's
eyes as he replied
"Ah remember you now So you are
Bev smith,
Il ami am. l thought you'd re
member me. I'm awful glad to see you,
Judge Are you wellI'
Quite well, thank you"
An awkward silence followed Mr.
Smith heard the boys chuckling, and at
length said
Glad to hear it-ye-- yes. l should
like TO call on you and talk over old
times
Beverly smith, said the Court in a
voice resembling the distant explosion OF
a coal cart, you are now about to call
on the superintendent Of the House of
Correction, there to remain for ninety
long days
''What Sentence an old companion :!
nAll the same. BeVerlY-all the same