Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1878-11-29
BY infinite wisdom; it must have been

being annihilated or changed to nothing
i can conceive of eternity, because
cannot conceive of the cessation OF time
can conceive of infinite space, because,
imagine as much matter as | will, still
my Imagination will stand upon the
farthest edge, and see infinite space
! still beyond.
He was going to admit that a gentle
Pentateuch.
Moses, in the first place, gives an ac-
count OF the creation, and he said that
God divided the light from the darkness
The light and the darkness must have
been pretty badly mixed up before that,
and the man who wrote that must have
regarded darkness as an entity. APP
plause.
In his imagination, probably, he saw
the Supreme Being throwing great
chunks of darkness on one side, and
slivers, pieces, chips and beams of light
on the other. They had on exhibition
in Rome for many hundred years bot
tie filled with the darkness that once
overspread Egypt Moses next tells us
that God divided the waters under the
armament from those above. The man
who wrote that regarded the armament
as q solid body OF a character that would
hold water. He looked upon the firma-
ment as q place where gods and god
desses and angels dwell, because at the
time of the food the windows of
heaven were opened, and that az
counted for the wonderful amount Of
water that was poured upon the earth.
l,a -1,,, hot
about evaporation. The next thing
happens on the third day, when the
earth is clothed and carpeted with
green, and the trees grow and the
leaves murmur in the air; and all this
happens before any sun shone in the
heavens. On the next day the sun was
made to rule the day. Do you suppose
the man who wrote that knew anything
about the sun? And the next thing
which was done-and it nearly slipped
his mind-lIe made the stars Why he
bothered himself about the stars is not
explained, and We could only infer that,
having large quantity OF nothing lay
ing around loose, He worked it up into
stars Laughter.l Then He made an
imals, and last of all man. There were
two different accounts OF the introduc-
ton of man, and the lecturer begged his
audience, in passing, not to forget the
fact that this world, considered in con-
nection with the universe, was really in
the rural districts.
One account had it that man and wo..
man were created at the same time, the
other that man was created first and
then woman.
After the animals were made, God
caused all the animals to pass before
Adam, to see if he could not pick out one
that would do for a helpmeet for him.
Read it, and YOU will find that God tried
to palm of upon Adam one OF the beasts
of the field Well, Adam did not see
anything to suit him. Laughter. i
am glad OF it. Ii he had, there never
would have been free-thinker on this
earth the world would have died orthO-
dox. Nothing was found to suit Adam.
The megatherium, the giraffe, the MANI
moth, the ichthyosauras, and all the
crawling monsters, they came; thous-
ands OF birds, thousands of mammals,
baboons and monkeys; and the parrots
probably lit on the tree OF Life and COM
menced crying, "Pretty Poll wants an ap-
pie" SO God was driven to necessity.
He had to make thing, and he had
not anything to start out with. How
did he get at it? lie took bone out of
Adam. How did he get it? Did He
pull it out.-cut it Out-bite 1t out?
How did He get it out? Just imagine
an infinite God with bone in his hand
to start a woman with, and considering
whether he will make her blonde or
brunette. Roars of laughter.
Softly, my friends, do not make light
of this rib business, for il may make
big difference with you when you come
to give an account of yourself in the
next world. It's orthodox, and il you
don't believe it, according TO orthodox
people you're liable to be eternally
damned Imagine man brought up
before the Prosecuting Attorney, or
whatever he may be in the next world.
is asked. From the earth, your
Honor" is the reply, "What sort
of fellow were You there? is
the next question. "Well," the answer
comes, 81 loved my wife and my chill
dren, and they loved me. BY industry
| made a little money and left il with
them; always paid when could, and il
| ever did anybody here any injury ]
should like to have the person stand
right up" "But how about that rib
story, the prosecutor may asked; did
YOU believe that" well, to be frank
with you," the honest man will reply,
that was little too much for me 10
swallow" To HELL WITH HIN. the
prosecutor is expected 10 cry. NEAI!
The next application for admission to
Paradise is examined: "Who are you?'
al WAS bank cashier ut such and such
Il place, got away with lot of my EN-
ployer's money and my neighbor s
wife, but I've been forgiven by the
Lord, know"
Belong to church.
ooh, YES: have my certificate some
place about me.
:'Ncyer mind; how about that rib story.
did YOU believe that on EARTH
"Oh, bless YOU, yes. believed every
story that il printed in the Bible, from
beginning to end, AMI was only sorry
they weren't harder to believe, that L
might show my faith" GIVE HIN
HARP" will be the command, and may
be there will be added pair OF wings.
! so YOU had better look out for yourselves
with regard to this rib narrative. Re
newed laughter.
Well, after Moses God had made Eve
ont of one OF Adams ribs, he turned her
loose in the Garden OF Eden, when she
was only day old, and u snake slipping
! in through crack in the fence engaged
her in conversation on the subject OF
fruit. She thought it was all right that
a snake should talk, being stranger IN
those parts, you know, and creditIns his
recommendation of the fruit OF certain
apple tree, ate of it and gave some to
| Adam. God told Adam that II he ate he
! should die, but he never told her. How
did they know what death was? They
hadn't seen anything die. But here
comes the snake. He must have walked,
because afterwards he WAS condemned