The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-08-02
Facts and Fancies,


Bigamy-Utshlizing the female
sex.
The mayor of New York weighs
but LIS pounds.
The European travel fever seems
to be on the decline.
A man in Marathon, N. Y, sold
his cook stove to get to Barnum's.
To the Victors belong about one
sixteenth of the spoils. I'll take the
other fifteen.
Artificial ice factories are success
fully running this summer in sever
al southern cities.
A Russian surgeon has made a
series of experiments showing that
cancer is inoculable.
The sun is 100000 of miles fur
Their from the earth than in Janua-
ry; but nobody would ever know it.
A sign posted up in q Wisconsin
saw mill reads: "The saws are all
running-no use to touch them to
convince yourself"
An cid dry goods man says !:
American women are the most ca
PRECIOUS and extravagant class of
people that God lets i've"
"Why should we celebrate Wash
ingtOn's birthday more than mine p
asked teacher. because he never
told ie," shouted little boy.
The treaty of Berlin is to be
printed on parchment-in token of
the "skin game" played by England,
Austria and Russis.-New Haven
Register.
Just four hundred years ago the
art of printing was discovered, and
yet there are men trying to sell
goods who seem to have never
heard of printers ink Washington
Post.
One kind word spoken to tramp
may cheer his whole future life. Re-
member this when you see him
walking off with your ak and fifty
feet of garden hose.-Detroit Free
Press.
To accomplish its work of death,
nature is obliged every year to in
vent new diseases, with new names,
in order to keep ahead of patent
medicines that cure all ills known.
I-Picayune.
1t is safe to say that if Gen. Butler
is ever elected president by the Ma
tional or any other party he will not
allow anybody else to occupy the
White House and draw the salary.
Phil. Times.
The Buffalo express believes if a
man should go out to commit sui
eide, and should be stopped with
the demand, Your money or your
life" he would give up all the valu-
ables he hadsG
Mr.Potter: While you're about it.
can't you find out what makes 8
red faced woman with yellow hair
insit upon wearing q light blue
dress and cardinal necktie Rock
land Courier.
A Massachusetts widow, deter
mined TO marry again, got a new
husband, put one of her children in
the home for the friendless, "boun6
out" a second, and, gave the Other
for tFboot" in a trade.
The ithaca Journal, at it's own ex
pense, provided ice-wster for every
street corner of its village on the
4th of July. The various tubs were
marked "Pure ice-water; free tt
all. With complimen to of Ithacs
Journal"
Ben Butler woke up the othel
night covered with a cold sweat
and after glaring gloomily around
sank back on his pillow, mutterine
feebly, ''Thank heaven it's only tina
straw berry shortcake. I thought il
was Mrs. jerks"
The young lad VINO can't work il
the sun for the heat will devote foul
hours on the bleakest, barest hill il
sight of race course, and coming
homo at night isn't able to tel
| whether the sun shone or the day
was clOudy.-Oil City Call.
| A Bath, Maine, minister officiatei
at the funeral of former lady mem
Der of his church, and prayed earn
estly in behalf of "the bereaved hus
band and the one to come who shal
fill the place made vacant by thu
death of our deceased sister,"