Connecticut western news., 1878-11-20
: WIT AND: WISDOM.


 ,.'S IA t,.,1 V' WIT AND WISDOM, .,.r si' 'ns < To tramp breakfast'sis the most important meal of the day, for itrusunlly takes him all day to get it. Y < ei p's,s E MDr. Johnson, once speaking of. a quarrelsome fellow, said that If lie had two ideas in his head they woula faifou with each other. ''2'"'-H h1S-u S"' h' = The Germans call a wedding .,a, hochzeit. In this country it takes sixty, three gals. but in the 'Fatherland only, one gal to make a hochzeit, .o X; x,ar "A hot, temper resembles the. fnla
 minate,, of gold too closely to be enzl tirely agreeable. The slightest jar, innl tentional, or unintentional, nay cause am sexploslon-a y,lNyal &ebt Ia saaslaslQs tssh | IA mah who won't take a paper be-s cause he can borrow one has invented ap
 machine, with which he can Ncook hiss dinner by the smoke of his neighborasi
 One time lion met a elephant and Y the elephant sed: ,'sYou better go and K pit your hair cut." But the lion it sed:w < Bahi T shant resenta feller's insults N wich has got hi, nose tween his own teeths. ''''''' ''''' '''' WY A little boy, weeping most piteoguGslEy,r was interrupted by some unusual occur r,,t renee. He hushed his, cries for 2 nlo-
 ment ]; the thought was broken. "Ma,'o, said he, resuming his snifs, 7" what was crying about just now" a lI b,,sh,sss The following was, recently sent to Iu scloolmistress in, Birmingham, Eng ss land:, .'.M Miss X.,, can youn allow our u Henrietta Gsorgiana, to come home and to nurse, Claudius. Alfred while our Louises.a Anne .Yictqria goes to dancing school i5ha "A French paper ireports al murderOli trial in which witness justified that he IL heard two pistol shots on the staircase As and sent his wife to see what was the.h matter, ts You did not go up,stairs yourr gii self ?'' v"No, sir; was afraid ofgthe'si revolver" ?.l, oi hs'Vna:Q saw sA V 0idsa | Ion his return from India Browpwas.ssi l asked how he liked tiger-hnhting.y " ltsa | is very good sport as long az you hunt a1 I the tiger, phe elrepliedi 7; "but if, s'hardasl pressed he sometimes takes lit into shisstq head to ahunt you, then it has dfawSs v haclvs :.i ,yst, ,,,1 h.3ssi 9ai in s's9'Ai q go -It was quaintly said of D sonaewhat '''s illiterate American who spent n great As. part of his time abroad, and who sped s''s our kin beyond the sea that he;was Engi fv' fish in his dress, English in his mahneFs VI and ip fact English in almost everything "a except his grammar:,h :,h if.i t"s nc i9si sseT f An exchange prints fourteen rules x I for spelling child-and the quickest .i'4 and most certain rule is omitted. HyouA P want to spoil child, give,th yeun8stef 'al | a .didn,t n,t-know-it1was-loade pistol to play with. It goes right to the spot, ~ x and no postponemeut on account of the ss weather. 'ul la"t ss4'o'"l3.' 1A s'SlSe sfSs
 "A certain iiii curiosity hunter has hurled shaTrp-edged criticism at American
 society winch is weI1 deserved. He has little wooden god, too ugly. to be K human, ai,r ,,, which he has labelled "The ., Idol of the Heathen," By it's side is <, gold dollar labelled 'tThe Idol of the gCrhistiah." M ,.o.c,,a.st. i, ne
 It is profound problem in connection, on .i. with boyhood that it requires about four saS " hours to learn verse, of Scripture by ,,o heart, and not more than four minutes i, to learn, ten verses of g comic song sung Il by the end nan at the minstrels Itsl~ a remarkable fact that some things come ~ easy while others don't come Rt all. seq . VI
 Sam Slick says:-Any man, that P understands horses, has 0 pretty c5nrss siderable fair knowledge of women for sV they are jist alike in temper, and require 's the very identical same treatment. KY Encourage the timid ones, be gentle and |" steady with the fractiotts, but father the a'e sulky ones like blazes ' '.''" '" VI
 Once upon time, when boarding round" was the rule in school districts, one man had to board the teacher just two and half days. On the third day, ; VI as the teacher sat down to dinnery the as man of the house said! 1' Madam, I sup ' pose your boarding time will be out Ii when you have eaten half 8 dinner ; but N as don't wish to appear mean, you may h. eat nearly as much as usual, ', .s,si n'-The following startling announce .ts lment was given out by the parish sclerkn 'a' in small church in Somersetshire, s.'', !. England '" I gees notice, nex. Sunday ! there wun't be no Sunday, cause Rec-isSs tors goin' to tother parish fshin'." By s@ this the accustomed congregation under Y. ..' stood that the clergyman would be off, ciating few miles off. 9at Eo.kN ,a--". Do you make any, reduction to a ''s \. minister 2' said a young, lady in .Rich-si .s mond the other week to salesman. \ q "Always. Are you minister's wife pp' z ,"Oh no, I am not narried,''' said the z" lady, blushing. rrat " Daughter, then SSssai +" Mo-" The tradesman looked puzzled ,a a .'"I aam engaged to 0 theological stu 'ps dent, 'sreplied she. The reduction was
 made.
 -Mademoiselle K, meeting one
 of her old boarding-school friends who
 has inst been married "Well, are
 you happy? Do you get along well
 together ?" Happy yes, without a
 doubt; but we squabble Q great deal. '
 "Already and about what9" "Paul
 pretends always that it is he who cares
 the most for me, and I'm very sure that it's I. :"