The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1878-02-14

a
given by an English Judge is reported
to have been: "When man owes,
lot of money and 81 lawyer and accoui
ant divide the estate Eetwsen them"
A TRAIN of cars Oh Florida railroad
the other day passed a man on horse
back and there was a great hurrahing
among the passengers until they dis
covered that the animal was tied to the
fence.
On recent trial witness was asked
as to the common sense OF Joseph
Buckley s'When Buckley was sober, :"
he said " he was very sensitive-as
sensitive as any other man; but when
drunk he was very much exaggerated.
h "PnEAsE accept lock of my hair"
sail bachelor to q widow, handing her
large curl. 'sSir," she replied, lyon
had better give the whole wig" Mad
am he responded, "you are very biting
indeed, considering that your teeth are
porcelain
YouNa couple drifting into a gallery
of statues. They looked around for the
one with the most drapery on. 1T is
Venus coming ont of the bath, said he,
consulting the catalogue. THAT seems
to be the case with most of them" an
swered she. Then they left.
Mr.. J. P. BENJAMIN, while recently
irving cause in London, began an ar
anment with the emphatic adiuratlon,
" In the name Of Heaven - The Judge
instantly stopped him, saying, very
quietly, " I do not see that Heaven has
much to do in this case, Mr.. Benjamin !;
the proper appeal is to the Appellate
Court"
A GENTLEMAN called upon a wealthy
friend for a contribution. Yes, I must
give YOU nv mite" said the rich man.
stYon mean the widows mite, I sup
pose" replied the other. ''To be sure
[ do" The gentleman continued j.: ''
will be satisfied with half as much as she
gave. Now, how much are you worth ?"
"Seventy thousand dollars" he an
sTe red. "G Give me, then, check for
S35, 600; that will be just half as much
as the widow gave, for she gave all she
had"
A MINISTER who preached poor ser
mons to lot of poor farmers IN North
ern New York had an experience OF
poor pay, with &C 3yiderable difficulty III
making collections. One farmer offered
to settIg bis subscription by giving the
pastor a buck or - in cash. As bucks
were e-overstockiDg the market, the pas
tor took the cash. Another said to him:
s.I subscribed $40 to your wages. i will
give YOU a COW and call it square. She's
an awful poor COW, Just like your preach
ing" The pastor gratefully drove the
COW home, and fonnd her hopelessly dry
and tough. He is open to a call from
come other field of labor
CRUMBS FROM THE BREAKFAST TABLE.
The pen has been eulogized above the
sword. and even the scissors outraDk the
pIowshare, but the unobtrusiye mucll-
age and odoriferous paste-pot will go
down to posterity unhonored and I'M
sung.
History and tradition don't have much
to say about profanity being reduced to
science until tight boots came upon
the scene.
The analytical mind that CLEANS the
fields of reason for ungarnered why's and
wherefores strikes a stGmper sometimes.
The problem of why woman marrles a
man with mutton-chop whiskers will
meet with solution when the lever of
Archimedes finds its fulcrum.
when your country cousin comes to
the city for a couple OF days, he goes
back to the farm with heavy eye-hds
and an Interchangeable belief that nothing
was ever put on wheels that could get
more noise out of cobble-stone pave
ment than a railroad omnibus.
Greek is the language for poetry,
French for love, and Italian for hand
organ melody, but the man with shirt
collar that don't fit is the same helpless
! being in all.
"Diffidence is hard to overcome, y
wrote the schoolgirl, in her compost
ton. Alb, veg; 50 it is, but the man
with a corn lir.Ier another fellows heel
must and viii howl.
"Two hundred and forty bones in the
human body" is the way Ii reads IN the
| books, but short acquaintance with
| boarding house mattress will make most
any man of spare build bet his last col
| Iar-bntton that there hasn't been fair
| eCT7rt