Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1878-07-31
NO. 81.
stray sand.

''In all that has been written concern
ing the Edison phonograph," said
Grandfather Lickshingle, ''the first
words uttered by the machine have not
been mentioned. Mr.. Edison doubtless
has delicacy in giving them to report
ers. but as it is a matter OF national in
terest, and as was the only other person
present in his workshop at Menlo Park
when the phonograph first gave utter
ance. felt it my duty to speak up"
''Why, grandfather, when were you
at Menlo Park? You have scarcely
been out of your arm chair in twoyears,"
said one of the children.
Without seeming 10 hear this, grand
father went on:
You know Mr.. Edison worked a long
time at his machine, and met with many
exasperating difficulties. He told me
himself that he often felt like kicking
the blamed thing into the street. But
he didn't. He worked away at it, night
and day, and when anything went
wrong restrained himself as well as he
could.
''Wheu he asked me into his shop to
look at the machine he had no idea it
was as nearly perfect as it proved 20 be.
He put on a new tin-foil, frightened
some of the screws and things, and ex-
planned to me how he expected it was
TO work after while. After monkey
ing around it for a few minutes he took
hold of the crank and gave it whirl or
two. 1t gave a screech like Comanche
and we both involuntar1y felt of our
scalps to see if they were all right
"Mr. Edison was the first TO recover
himself, and remarked facetiously that
he did't know that it was loaded.
s'He tinkered little more on the in
side of the thing, CREASED the piston or
something, and started her up. The
first turn of the crank brought out in a
vheezy sort of tone:
'Confound the cOnfOunded thing TO
contamination and be confound to it.
This confused Mr.. Edison somewhat,
and thought he wished he had not in
vited me in. / could see quite plainly
that he had rather it had said something
else, hat he was at the same time SO much
elated that it should say anything at all,
that he continued TO turn the crank, and
the machine continued 10 talk. Ii was
terrible to hear it. For instance:
''sYe blamed old fraud of a thing,
amt We never goin' to talk: Yer
worse than the Keely motor, and for
two cents I'd throw We inter the river!
''What does il mean 2" Iventured TO
ask Mr. Edison
"Blest if can TELL" he replied, and
continued to turn the crank:
. If We don't talk before the Fourth
of July, yelled the machine in an angry
desperate tone; 'I'll mash ye with an
AK and sell ye for OLD junk. Now, lis
ten ter me, and it ratified the words out
as if some one was shaking it. I've
fooled with We about as long as | intend
ter, an the next thing We know ye
won't know nOthin.'"
'Mr. Edison was completely over
come, and leaned up against work
bench for support.
81 took hold of the crank and turned
it. and the machine yelled at the top Of
| its voice:
"'Holy mother of Moses ,ain'tye never
goin' to say a ,oorl! Here I've spent over
SO on ye, an still yer dumber than a
rotten oyster, I'll put on some fresh
tin-foil, file off the dufunny a little, an
give We one more chance, Ii We don't
speak up then I'll kick the stuffin' oct
of We, so help me-
Here" said grandfather, ''Mr. Edi-
son Implored me to leave the machine
alone, as its language was disgrace to
civilization"