Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1878-10-10
LAUGHOGRAPHS.

REAL estate conveyances-Dirt carts.
The world without woman would be
perfect blank-like a sheet of paper
not even ruled.
The South Hill man calls his wife's
false teeth things" because "they are
not what they seem" -HaDkeye.
WEBB HAYES Fremont girl lives two
miles out Of town, and many a Sunday
night has Webbfooted it out there to see
the little duck.-Cincinnati Sat. Night.
The Norristown Herald declares that
Miss Ada Cavendirh ought to succeed az
an actress, since she has plenty of papers
to back her.
a CHICAGO clergyman has written out
q new Lords Prayer for the benefit Of
good children who have to undress in
cold rooms. 1t iz only seven words long
WHEN you read that detective is
working up a case" says the Free
Press. you may know that be is waiting
to see II there will be any reward offered.
" BEDAD! Look at the haste. wild his
two tooth-picks stickin' out er his
mout." was how the first 81 ht of an el-
ephant affected Bridget Mu]aoon.
\ LITTLE boy in New Orleans tele-
gra pied to his uncle in Dallas, Texas:
" Mamma and sister died this evening
what must do"'
4 CoUSTESASCE more in sorrow than
IN anger, was seen on the boy to whom
another boy gave plum with a pepper
in it.-Neso York Nap.
The trade dollar comes very handy
for those people who want to give ex-
actly ninety cents as the contribution
box comes around. 1t saves a heap Of
time in making change-Free Press.
OUT at Denver Alexander Kyle was
taking liberties with a nitro-glycerine
can, when all at once the folks discovered
that " higher than a. Kyle must be pref
ty far up.-LoweU Courier.
OCT in Nebraska Mr.. CRATER, who is
a tailor. ran Of and married the girl who
was engaged to Mr.. Taylor, who was &
butcher. but is now foe to Grafer-
Omaha Herald.
Ten mills makes one cent" When
we were a youngster on the farm, and
the wheat had to be ground, we were the
one sent. One mill, however, was suffi-
S!'-ul a. Sudl S/I D5ttttC.
'DEkE vas only leedie difference
between U.s." said a turly Teuton who
had just horsewhipped another. II vas
oxhided und be vas cowhided-dat's ALL
PUCK.
NONE but mother, tender and loving
of heart, who has just traded her nus
bands 81 overcoat fora sixty-fve cent
image of "Samuel at prayer" can real
ize the congressman's love for his 'un-
tryr-Burlington Haackeye.
WHAT'S the difference asked the
teacher in arithmetic, beween one yard
and two yards?'' "a fence.." said Tom
my Beales. Then Tommy sat on the
ruler fourteen times.
"PA," said little boy, five years old,
" saw lion and lamb lying side by
side in the meadow this morning.
Tut, tut, James, don't tell me such
stories,'' said the father. g tell you I
did, persisted the child, but it was q
dande lion"
TIE cooks in Boston have struck fryer
wages-Grc},h {. Their Interests were
probably at steak.-BoS1on Post. That
is we'll unders;ewed.-( commercial Eui-
letin. The business, in fact, being over
done and good situations rare.-4drer-
tiser.
The Lowell Cowier thinks the only
effective way Of improving the tone Of 3
cheap violin is to simply lay it across
rail Just as a freight train is coming
along. "That is the only sure exorcism
for the evil spirits that inhabit the pie
ho;op rrodo of E1I1o,,
FROM Scotland Yard Sergeant:
Elbows this, Jones? What do you
mean by coming on duty unshaved::' o.
Jones: "Tm a-growin' of my beard.
sir" Sergeant: Then you must get
up earlier and do it, or-or-. Anyhow,
you must not grow it while on dooty!''
DON'T you love her still?' asked the
Judge of man who wanted g divorce.
=" Certainly l do,'' said he; :" love her
better still than any other way, but the
trouble is she will never be still.' The
Judge, who was a married man himself.
takes the case under advisement.-t
Saturday Night.
DRACoS1AN Scene: Police court,
North Highlands. Accused: "Put,
paillie, it's ma provit!" Baillie: "Hoot
toots, Tonal, and hear me speak! Aw'll
only fine We half-a-croon the day, be-
cause cts no varra weel provit. But if
ever ye come before me again, yell no
get aft under five shillin's, whether cts
provit or nor'-funch.
THERE are people in this world to
whom the pros perity of others is worm
wood and gall. They cannot see man
20 into bankruptcy, and fix up to live
comfortable the balance of his days, but
they must harrow up his feelings by
telling him about what he owes them,
and trying to prevent his discharge. -
Breakfast Table.
"WHAT piece of work is man. How
noble in reason! How infinite in facul
ties! In form and moving, how express
and admirable. In action, how like an
angel. In apprehension, how like
godw And yet. some how or other, he
never looks that when he is backed up
to peanut stand, taking in tail pcck,t
cargo of peanuts.-Hawkeye.
A PARTY of four were rowing on tie
river, when one exclaimed. - fs'!
faint" Another one said, 81 have
some brandy" "Give me <ome,' ssl'i
the sufferer. II would do 50 with
pleasure" replied the ardent man
s'but it's inside of me-. They row>l
to the shore in silence, for they knew
he was loaded.-Hackenscck Republican.
NoTH1NG," says the Bazar, CLOCKS
sweeter on little girl than a white mus.
lin princess DRESS" Doesn't it, old lady:
If you will just happen around here
sometime when our young man is look
ing his sweetest on little girl about l.
years old, you will blush for the tame,
expressionless stupidity of muslin
dress. And we'll leave it to the little
girl herself which of the two looks
sweeter on her.-Hawkeye.
A YOUNG fellow in San Francisco sud,
denly snatched kiss from lady TREND
and excused himself by saying that 1t
was sort OF temporary INSANITY that
now and then came upon him. When
he arose to take his leave the plying
damsel said to him: eff you ever feel
anv more such fits coming on, you had
better come right here where your in