The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1878-07-11
Hiram Jenkins Mistake.

Hiram Jenkins drove slowly up the
hill road that leads TO Deacon Bates.
1t WAS plain even 10 the casual OBJ
server that the errand he was bound
upon was one Of no common import
ance. No man could have arTayed
himself so gOrgeOusly simply for tine
purchase OF tub OF fall butter or a
yoke Of steers. His hair was in a
state Of distressing smOOthness, and
seemed almost part Of the glossy
hat which covered IL. His coat and
psntalOOns were marYel5 in their way,
and his bsots, which had been elabOr-
ately Dlacked, reflected back the rays
OF the setting Sun In q manner per-
fectly binding TO the behOlder. And
yet, notwithstanding his superiority
in all these respects to the lilies OF the
fields, there was apparent in his ac-
tiOns singular sort OF nervousness, q
trepidstion almost which rendered
his appearance at once ridiculous and
awkward. This trepidatiOn was in
no wise lessened by the sudden Vis-
ion of an urchin watching him from
the barn door, and who, as the team
approached, with a widening grin,
sped off in the direction OF the farm
house, and disappeared through the
kitchen door. Hiram was conscious
minute afterwards OF being the tar
get for half a dozen pairs OF eyes from
the sitting room windows and it re-
quired extraordinary strength of mind
on his part TO drive past the house to
the shed where the horses of ali Visi-
tors were hitched. There are a few
more awkward things TO do than to
get out of carriage when women are
watching, and though Hiram had
probably never thought of the fact be-
fore fully experiencing the truth, as
endeavOring to spring genteelly from
from the buggy his foot slipped on
the wheel, and he came down on his
hands and knees in the dirt. His re-
marks as he scrambled to his feet
were confined to one word, but that
though short, was the most expressive
one in the English language.
"I'll have to go around to the barn
and wash my hands before l go in,U
he said to himself. "I suppose they
are having their fun out of me In the
house now. COnfound it, l wish l
had not started"
As he passed the door Of the horse
barn, which was partly opened, he
heard the sound Of voices. He listen
ed, and his heart sank as he recOgniz-
ed the voice Of his rival, Elnathan
Rogers.
81 want her bad" he was saying.
''She just suits me. You can always
have her you know, and you'd better
call the thing settled"
81 don't know about that, i" answer
ed the deacon dOUbtfully. 1 have
always said, come what would, II
wouldn't part with Jenny. But you
hang on so, l don't know
"Ssy it's bargain, deacon. I've
thought it over a good while, and
Jenny l must have. I'll treat her
well, you may be sure of that.n
The deacon hesitated, blew his nose, |
snd finally said
"iShe's got some little tricks that
nobody knows anything about but |
me, and don't want TO impose upon |
q neighbOr."
"Oh, pshawI that's only an ex-
cRse, deacon. Pm willing to risk it.U |
''She kicked me in the stomach last |
winter, and bit little Sammy not |
more than six weeks ago. l can show
you the scar nOW.n
''Great king ! thought Hiram.
"But here L was going to pop the |
question this very night. Who would |
have ever thought it T'
"pll take that out of herr said |
Elnathan, continuing the converse.
tiOn. 'If she SO much as lifts a foot |
against me, I'll give her a lickin' that
will last MONTH"
Lick" calculated Hiram TO him.
self, astOnished beyond measure.
CLICK Jenny Bates Well, this goes
ahead Of anything | ever heard of. |
And the Old man doesn't say a word |
What neXt?n
A pause ensued, which was at last
broken by the deacon.
"Weil, If you must have her, you |
must. / expect the Old lady'H want |
something TO say about, she thinks as
much Of Jenny as 1 do. Won't you
come into the house ?''
''NOt now. pve got To go down to |
the village before dark. l'll be round |
some time tomorrow"
Hiram Jenkins waited until Inc saw |
his successful rival climb the fence |
between the two farms. Then he de- /
liberately unhiteEed his horse, got in |
to the wagon and drove off, never |
casting lOOR toward the window \
where the fair Jenny sat in watchfuI |
expectation. Not until he reached |
his own door did he draw B long
breath.
al seems like q dream" said he.
slowly unbucKling the harness. 40 |
think OF Jenny Bates kicking her |
own father and biting her little BROTH
er, and she looking as though butter |
wouldn't melt in her mouth, IL Is |
just Es mean though, in the deacon to |
lick as tits for her 90 kick, The old |
hypOerite Well, 1 must say Pm
nightly deceived in the B9teses. / |
s'pOse Elnathan Rogers feels cranky |
enough now he's got her. / just hope |
she'll kick his head OIL. Lucky for
me 1 overheard what / did"
notwithstanding this self-cOngratu- |
lation, Hiram felt all the pangs OF dis |
appointment, and jealousy. Ie had |
not only lost his girl, but had been cut |
out Ia the most mortifYing manner
Oy q man he held in thorough con-
tempt. lie felt that even with what |
he knew of JennV's fauIfs IN he
could gain her hand he would csrrv
her of in spite OF his rival or the des-
con either.
A week passed by and Jenny was
never out of Hiram's thought, One
day he went TO the village, and while
there, standing IN front OF the post.
Office, ElnRthAn Rogers drove by with
the deacOn's mare.
'I 'spose now he's got Jenny, he
thinks he's got right to the whole
property" muttered Hiram. "I wish
to gracious the old mare would put
her feet through the dashboard -
That night the singing school met
at the Academy. Hiram came late.
He used TO sit with tine tenOrs Just
behind Jenny Bates. Now he chose
a different seat, and tried hard to sing
bass. He could not, however, help
seeing Elnathan Rogers pass pepper
mint lOzenges to Jenny, aud also