Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-07-18
W.T. and HztD1Or.
A mistake e-getting married.

\ Minnesota father. who has five grown
up daughters. hds Shed the county. He
claims that his residence has been used for
court house for the past two years.
Sidney Smith once rebuked swearing
visitor by saying, s'Let us assume that
everything and everybody are damned, and
proceed with our subject"
"All flesh is grass remarked dry
preacher, in the midst of wearisome dis
course. ''Then guess you're hay," half
audi5ly observed sleepy fellow in one OF
the wall pcws.
The melancl o'y days have come
The saddcst OF the lot:
When busters are too cool to wear
And ulstcrs are too hot.
-Couricr-Jo,unal.
The following may be seen ON tomb
stone in a town near Dublir
Here lies the body of John Mound,
Lost at sea and never found.
There is a new song out entitled, "Snug-
gle me up close in your arms, dearest"
''Snuggle" hasn't a very euphonious sound,
but it seems to have the right meaning
though.
An Irishman who stood near the third
base. watching a game of base bail; was
sent to grass by foul. which struck him
under the fifth rib. "A fowl WIZ it? Be-
gorra, | thought WIZ mule.''
An eastern editor throws up the sponge
with the remark that ''it don't pay to run
a paper in u town where business men
read almanacs and pick their teeth with the
tail OF u herring.''
They say that Tenhtson' last poem
closely resembles the .'Nor;hern Farmer
in style. Then we're sorry tor it, that's
all. 1t must wear pantaleons mile too
big in the seat, and scoop IN potatoes with
a kuite.
GLOW many feet long was tie snake?''
asked a person of Il traveller, who had Just
rt lated a story of his encounter with boa
Killed by him. 'Cne hundred and ninety
two inches,' was the reply; 'ssnakas have
no feet
Not long since distinguished literary
man WAS crossing the common. wien Il
policeman, observing him treading upon
the grass, grow)c J: Don't you see that
sign. Keep off Tie grass? ''Certainly
| do was the reply, IL am doing all can
to keep it off,
y Kansas school ma'am has introduced
new feature in her school. When one of
the girls misses word, the boy who spells
it gets permission to kiss her. As result,
the girls are becoming very peer spoilers,
while the boys are improving.
'Come, wife," said Viii; II pray you de-
Vote,
just halfa minute to mend this coat,
Which a nail has cha"ced to rend.''
"'Iis 10 O'clock" said m lrowsy mate.
IL know" said Will, lit .atler late,
But it's never too 1T mend.'
Congressman Woods Lo., tariff bill inl-
poses tax of thirty-five per cent on
matches of all kinds'' Young persons
about to enter the matrimonial state should
re'bofistrate at once. The tax is onerous
What is needed is tax OF about ninety-five
pet cent on long engagements.
"What's that?' lie asked his landlady. as
she set his cup by his plate. ''Coffee,"
was the prompt and decisive reply. 'Ah,"
innocently remarked the boarter, with an
air Of finterest, land what is it made off,"
And there was sileace around the table for
the space of half an h6ar
Pettengill says that the first ''returning
board'' of which he has any recollection
was a shingle in the hard Of his father.
The three-fatler, son and shingle-used
to hold frequent committee meetings in the
back shed, but the returns came in so
swiftly that fair count was impracticable.
Gamma, dear, if attempt to spell Cupid.
why cannot l get beyond the first stlla-
ble?' Il don't know, indeed. Joe: why
is it?' Because, when come to U, of
course cannot go any Efther.''
G. F. Train likes n P. Basks +Ery
much, but he says the trouble with him is
petty personal vanitt. Il was standing
with him in the Fifth Avenue Hotel the
other evening, and he continually looked
around to see if the crowd was admiring
him. 1t never occurred to him that /, and
not he, was the object of attention.
A clerk in Philadelphia bookstore,
thinking to annoy a Guakercustomer, who
looked as though he was fresh from the
country, handed him volume, saying:
'sHere IS an excellent ESSAY on the rearing
Of calves" '.Thee had better present that
to thy mother, young hian,'' was the
spontaneous reply Of the Quaker.
A Georgia farmer sbi'' .,fed his hogs with
tar to rid them of fleas, and turned them
loose in ewoods. At night they did not
return to the pen as usual, and in the
he found them stuck together,
the tar making them adhere in a mass.
They might have gone home, nevertheless,
by concert of action, but it isn't in a hog
to harmonize.
An Elizabeth street mule kicked c. B.
Il Q. baggage-master the other day. The
turned, laid his hands on
the mules neck and crupper-hoIder, shout
ed, illinois, q, sl7.'' and the family in the
house across the street ran down in the
cellar to escape the tc rnado. The veterin-
airy surgeon told the Elizabeth street man
that ii was no use to have the blacksmith
mend the shoes. because the mule could
never walk on them legs again. The bag
gage-master walked down to the depot,
yawned, stretched himself, and said he
wished business would pick up, he was
getting too fat and lazy for anything
Has1keye.