Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-02-28

Wit and Hztnia07..

W.T. and HzID1OT.
A short story-tlie tale of the Colorado
stone man.
Affection which is never reciprocated-
neuralgia affection.
An old-schOol philosopher remarks that
if bread is the staff of life, pound cake must
be goll-headedl cane.
s.My lord, y said the foreman ofa Welsh
jury, when giving in the verdict, 1--WE find
the man who stole the mare, not guilty."
Mr.. Hayes cong,atulates the Indians on
their adopting white mems clothes. Now
let them get dyed moustacl,e and stand
on some hotel steps and stare at the ladies'
and they will be nearly perfect.
A young man in Maine writes to ask us
If we want to engage ''puzzle editor
No. thank you. We have puzzled editor,
and that is sufficient. He is puzzled to
find out why in thunder people don't pay
for their papers.-Turner's Falls Reporter.
He had brought her the very things she
wanted from the supper table to her safe
retreat on the stairs, and she was moved
to say, half laughing, ''You are man
after my own heart, Mr.. B-!'' ''Just
what l am after," lie answered, quick as a
flash, covering her with confusion.
CA. Dana's income as editor and stock
holder of the San is said to be over S5O,-
600, bnt he earns every cent of it.-Er.
You're right he does. If the champion liar
of IL glorious country like this amt y orth
that, what Is he worth ?-Camden Post.
1t will soon be time for another band of
eleven or fifteen Indians to take the war
path and chase five or six regiments of
United States infantry UP and down the
buffalo country until the Indians die off or
are cornered in some gorge and starved to
death.
We are not exactly sure that the joke is
new, but we may as well remark that the
strike of the New York cigar makers is ex-
pected to end in smoke. One of the female
strikers, it is said, has displayed great
qualities as leader, but she is likely to
fail, as she has no one terbacker.
Cleopatra wore such few clothes that it
is not easy to see what she wanted of two
such big needles. When she went to see
Caesar, wrapped up in bal. of carpet, she
hadn't any clothes on at all, and her going
down to the river with Mark Antony ex-
hibited much the same disregard Of needle
wOrk.-Cinci,anati Times.
The Indiana papers are making great
fuss about a nan in Valparaiso who recent
ly picked up a horse and carried it across
the street, 1t is easy enough to pick up a
horse if You know how. The best way is
to let the lines get under his tail, and then
lift. And it will surprise you to see how
easily you can lift the horse clear over the
dashboard and into your lap.-Burlington
HaWkeye.
Bob Ingcrsoll says that it takes more
sense to make a good cook than tolerable
lawyer. Anybody who has eaten beef
steak that rescmblcd strip OF slippery
elm bark, with the slippery left out, and
has listened to a lawyer talking for four
hours to prove that asking the witness
whether his name is John Smith is lead
ing question, will be willing to walk up to
Robert and say. ''Put it there, you hori-
old pagan. ."-Brooklyn JEFF
tersonian. .,
The Bishop OF Hereford was examining
q school class the other day, and among
other things, asked what an average was.
Several boys pleaded ignorance, but one at
last replied: ut is what hen lays on"
This answer puzzled the Bishop not lit
lie, but the boy persisted in it, stating that
he had read it in his little book of facts. He
was then told 10 bring his little book, and
on doing SO he pointed triumphantly to
commencing, ''The domestic
hen lays on an average fifty eggs each
years.
Jim Brown. worthy German, died in
recently. and his next friend, also
! worthy German, was appointed admins
traitor. So he called at printing office the
other day to have posters printed, announc-
ing that the goods OF the late Brown
would be sold at public auction. II want
vou write up dose bills in some kind of
,thyle." said the administrator. IL want
dat will addrlct der public eye,
snd pring der peoples from der koundry."
The p, ,ter asked tor suggestion or two.
Mrs. Lrown und mineself hat dalked it |
over," continued the business man, .'und !
We want you to head dose bills Something's
lis way he marked on the wall with
MS cane to show that he wanted big letters;
.Hoor-raw! hoor-raw! Jim Brown is
lead!
DR.. Wilkes, in his recent work on Physi-
ology, remarks that, ut is estimated that
me bones ofevery adult person require to
be fed with lime enough to make marble |
nantel every eight months" 1t will be
therefore, that in the course of
about ten years each Of us eats three or
Eour mantel-pieces and few sets of front
loor steps. And in o long life suppose it
e fair to estimate that a healthy American
could deyour the Capitol at Washington,
md perilaps two or three medium-sized
marble quarries besides. 1t is awful to |
.hink Of the consequences If man should
be shut of from his supply Of lime tor
while, and then should get loose in aceme-
cry. An ordinary tombstone would hard
y be enough for q lunch for him.-Mar
Adeler. .5e
Horse-oteslinx ExtRsoFdinasy.
Dakota City, Nebraska, has had scnsa-
ion. Last December, L. Hardin, BUTCH
u there, lost q valuable horse, and offered
bl00 reward for his recovery. Nothing |
was seer of the Animal until Monday, when
{ was found in the possession OF = young
nan named James Campbell, who former
s. taught school in Covington and other
places in Dakota county. Campbell lives |
1eiween Harlin's shop and residence, so |
hat the owner passed his horse almost cv-