The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-03-14
The Tricks Of q Horse Trader.

The Tricks Of Horse Trader.
breakfast Tablet
A crowd of men at the horse market
were talking about the tricks of traders
the other day, when an old farmer, from
near McGonsgle's Station, spoke up and
said:
"Now, for instance, there's that boy
Dave o. mine. He's the consatedest
feller in Riley Township, to be tradin'
hoses all the time, an every time he gifts
skinned a little deep+r'n t'other time.
I've blowed him up about it no eend O.
times, an his mother has argyed with
him till her jaws ached SO she's had to
tie 'em up in wet towel fore she could
git wink o. sleep, an that's all the good
it'd do. Like as not he'd come home the
next night with an old spawned, broken
down critter, with q skin too tender to
hold chop-feed, an too poor to own a
shadder. finally swore to cut him out
O. the will altogether if he ever made
another hoss trade agin' my consent.
That toned him down for couple O.
days, an then he went to swappin' dogs,
an afore q week we had the oneriest,
ugliest, sueakiest, consarnedest set O.
pizen-eyed whelps howlin' an fghtin'
around the house an barn l ever soteyes
on. The hired gal got bit by two of 'em,
both ears of "a pet Durham calf was chswed
close of, the clothes-line was riddled,
an three O. the whelps tackled me and
got away with one coat tail an the best
part of breeches leg, an that riled me
up so't / bolted into the house an
brought out three shot-guns, an scat
tered enough dog meat around them
primises to start soap factory. This
raised all the dander there was in Dave,
an he said he didn't want to live if he
couldn't trade somethin' or other, an
vowed to goodness he'd leave home and
go right out to Idaho, an marry full
blooded Injun squaw if 1 wouldn't let
HIM trade for lovely iron-gray hess that
Tom Bullard, up near Oxford, had just
got hold of. I was dead-set agin it,
an told him 30; but he laid down all the
fine pints O. the hoss, an made 'em
stand out so bright, that it looked to me
like robbin' the poor not to make the
trade, when hoss like that could be got
for our ole sorrel Tom an ten dollars to
bcot-for Tom was Iisin' twelve year
old, an no count except for a common
plow hess. Dave said the iron gray was
smooth trotter, an had made somethin'
of record at the Hamilton fair. He
was as gentle as an oyster, an would be
just the thing for family buggy hoss,
an might by six months trainin' be
brought down to somethin' fancy, took
to the city an sold for enough to buy a
good common team an carriage. The
way Dave pictured it out, it all looked
as smooth as velvet, an so told him to
go ahead an make the trade; but it
would a. been a dog-gone sight moe to
my credit if I'd went an banged my
stupid ole brains out agin the cider
press.
Well, the next evenin' just before
sundown we saw Dave comm up the
pike leadin' the old fraud, an we all had
to go out an take look at him. He
walked like man with hot lead poured
in his jints, and wheezed and blowed just
awful. Off little ways, though, he was a
nice-lookin' hoss. He was in middlin' good
condition i not too fat, nor yit too poor
His skin was slick an smooth, and full
O. nice little dappled spots, scattered
around permiscus, an givin' him look
of considerable style. Dave said when
he fust got him, he clumb into the sad
die an sot off on purity fair trot, but
in goin' down the fust hill he come to-,
the hoss tumbled half way to the bot
tom, an when he finally got him on his
pins again-which be couldn't do with
out right smart O. hard work-it was all
the animal could do to walk. Dave
said he 'sposed the fall had slowed him
up, but he'd be all right again in day
or two, as soon's he 60. him doctored
up bit. In gittin' him in through the
gate he jammed his head agin' the post
an knocked out glass eye. The best
part of his main and tail come ont in
combin' it-for as soon as Dave saw he
was stuck he wanted to keep him
lookin' slick till he could soak some
other feller-an' the fust time he put a
curry-comb on him over two-thirds o.
the dappled spots came of, an left the
sorriest-lookin' whitewash gray, streaked
with dirty yaller, you ever saw. He
got lamer and lamer every day, an we
sunk not less'n ten dollars doctorin' an
experimental on him, for / was as
anxious to keep him alive till we could
swap him as Dave was. The fourth
mornin' after he was put into the stable
Dave come in an said he was down an
couldn't get up. The other boys an me
went out to the barn an found him sit
tin there on his legs eatin' some oats
out of a half-bushel. We tried every
way to git him up, but couldn't do il
till we sent over to Mike Weaver's an
got his block an tackle. After a good
deal O. hard tuggin' we managed to get
him up on his feet, an found he could
walk about fust-rate. Well, we had
dead loads O. trouble with him that
way. Every time he'd git down nothin'
short O. ropes and scientific principles
could hist him up again. We let him
alone for about week, but he kept just
the same. Couldn't move a peg to.
wards helpin' himself up. Then we
fetched out the tackle again, put him
on his pins, geared him up, put him in
the team, and commenced haulin' stone
with him. He worked tip top and eat
all we put before him. We fixed ur
some cross-pieces under him in the
stall, 80 he couldn't lay down, an kept
on workin' him. One day, though, he
slipped on the side hill and tumbled
fiat. We couldn't git no place to fl
the tackle there, SO we pried him on to {
stone-boat an hauled him home, an
then h'isted him up. But the next day
down he went agin, an we had the sam,
old trouble. He got to gittin' worse an
worse that way, fallin' around every
where, an sometimes droppin' two O
three times a day. This got to be
reg'lar nuisance in little while, an
got SO durn tired of havin' to keep an ex
ira team cartin' the tackle around, tina
I ups an knocks him in the head witt
the ak, an tole Dave he could sell tn
hide an start for Idaho, or Halifa,
either, for that matter, just as soon a
he wanted to, but no more hoss tradir
would be allowed around there unless
done it myself. I've held him unde
purity we'll SO fur, but he will take
new streak every onest in awhile, i
spite of me, an sometimes / think th
blamed fool never will get his eye-teet
cut"
A wrJJ-HNowN Oxford mon wh