The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-08-31
NUMBER 30.
PASSING SMILES.

THE Meadville Republican, referring
to a contemporary, says; "A word to the
wise will hardly reach him"
A "PuRE white swallow" has been
observed in Hartford, and the New
Haven Register suspects it was gin.
AN ELM STREET boy who was raised
by the bottle, seems TO take an almost
tilial delight in "sassing" the milk
man.-Breokfast Table.
Now fades away the last trace of re-
vengful feeling against the boy who last
winter lodged soft SNOWFALL on the
back of cur neek.--Puck.
THAT which is good to be done, can
not be done toe soon, and If it is neg
lected to be done too early, it will fire.
quently happen that it will not be done
at all.
DON'T drink iced tea it's liable to rot
the lining of your stomach. Drink
beer, that goes to your head and makes
a bigger fool of you than ever.-Eimira
Gazette.
DISTINGUISH between idleness, igno-
rance, want of attention and malice;
words do sometimes slip from the
tongue which the heart did neither
hatch or harbor.
SOMEBODY has discovered that when
ever the grain is cut and hauled in the
tramp makes his appearance on the
stubble and demands work or bread
BrookuWe Democrat.
| A MONTGOMERY COUNTY farmer found
potato-bug on his dinner-table, the
other day, and thus to the bug he ejacu-
lated: "Good heavens have you got to
have your potatoes cooked this yearT'
Mrs. A." Now, Mrs. b, will you
come and see our apiaryT' Mrs. B.
who has been putting it off all the after
noon" Well, Mrs A, the thing is, you
know, Pm-l'm rather afraid of mon
keys"
"TuE sun rises in the east, explained
the teacher. Yes, an there's suthin'
rises in the west, too" chimed in one
of the smaller boys "Well, what is
it9' asked the schoolma'am "InjunsP
shouted the urchin.
A GENTLEMAN who recently travelled
over VIGOROUSLY slow branch railroad
declared that it is the safest road in the
country, as the superin endent keeps a
boy running ahead of the train to drive
off the cows and sheep.
cir it was not for the years couched
upon his head" wrote the obituary
writer; and then e got right up and
howled when the type-setter rendered
it, :" If il were not for his ears, he could
have stood upon his head"
THAT man," said Kate, " to love for
liz sure very slave
| Il en- tho It's full year since j
| 10 him the mitten gave
OH then he's not slave said Prue,
n or face there fitted
roguish smile, " you just confessed
Ioahcrs Gaseife.
A KIND father OF Southboro, Mass,
man we'll TO do, took his sick son to
doctor last week, and told him If he
could cure the boy for less than the
cost of a funeral to go ahead, but If
h couldn't the youth must take his
chances.
WaEN man is reading advertise
ments in search of a 81 uation, and sud
denly discovers that luxurious board
can be obtained in the mountains and
at the sea side for ten dollars week
there's no use trying TO ana'yze his feel
lngs Puck.
AN exchange says: 1t is just awfully
discouraging Just about the time
watermelons begin to come in, the poor
man has TO scrape every cent he can
raise to pay the tax on his dog. Why
can't this dog tax be collected some time
in the winter?
A YoNKERs man calls his wife Frailty,
because Shakespeare says, Frailty, thy
name is woman. p Yonkers Gazette.
None too complimentary to the Yonkers
matron, but not any worse than the
Murray Hill man who calls his wife q
blasted idiot, and all because she mar
ried him.. Y News.
A GOOD old farmer found himself one
day with his boy at the further end of
the row when the dinner-bell sounded.
commenced to hoe his way back, saying
to the boy as he did so, Thomas, do
you ever think about dying?" Yes"
said Tom, 81 think ! shall die pretty
soon if ] don't have some dinner"
A HEART-BRoKEN parent writes to the
Whitehall Times: "Our daughters name
was Susan, mother called her Sue, and
called her Betsie, but she was good
girl, five feet and eight inches high, and
was fat, she never married, and was six
teen years old, poor girl, she died and
was taken sick about two weeks ago; my
heart is broken, and mother feels bad,
give her good write up."
sT SONNET.
| Once upon Iceand's solitary strand
| poet wandered with his book and pen,
Seeking some final werd, some sweet amen,
| Wherewith to close thu volume in his hand,
The pillows rolled and plunged upon the sand,
| The circling seaguls swept beyond his ken,
And from the parting oudracs now and then
| Flashed the red sunset over sea and land.
| Then by the pillows at his feet was tossed
| A broken oar; and carved thereon he read,
| "Oft was weary when toiled at thee !"
| And like man who fndeth what was lost
He wrote the words, then lifted up his head
| And flung his useless pen into the sea
II W. LonQfsHow.
The Moffett register still runs its re-
morseless career in Virginia. 1t shows
| that the good people of the Old Domin-
IONS capital know full we'll how to crook
the pregnant hinges of the elbow, for in
the eleven months ending July 81 last,
the register shows the consumption Of
/, 443, 945 alcoholic drinks, and 1867 100
malt drinks, netting the handsome total
tax of .43,937.06. The bar-keepers,
however, are beginning to get the hang
of the instrument, and it isn't as deadly
as it was.
LADY.-"I bought piano Of you
about three months ago; do you ,emem-
Der it?" Piano Agent" UNI ali VII It
of til" Lady" can't make out what's
wrong with it. Half the KEYS won't