The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-04-27
VARIETY.

Henry Claw Dean was never mad the
other day when patent right agent sold him
washing machine for q ciderpress. Worcester
Press.
ssWhat constitutes marriage?' asks the Boston
Advertiser. Getting down to one cigar day IN
order to pour money into the Golfers OF the man
who sells striped stockings.
s.My DEAR said husband, in startling tones,
after waking his wife In the night 81 have swal-
loved dose of strychnine I''''Wel, then, do for
goodness sake lie still, or it may come up"
An English musical journal says that fifteen per
cent. of the inmates of lunatic asylums are
musicians and singers, but it neglects to state
how many of the remaining elghty-hVe per cent.
were driven mad by the practising OF the former.
A woman in Fairfield, Me-, has growth of
natural hair eight feet and one inch long, and has
refused 81 900 for it. Her friends claim that she
has the longest hair of any woman IN the world,
but the returns are not all in yet
A tall man, having rallied a friend on the short
ness of his legs, the friend replied:
ssMy legs reach the ground-what more can
yours do -
TadpoIe Cto the class photographer):- Look
at this proof. Do you call that good hkenessf
Wbv. it makes me look like baboon. Photo
grapher-''My dear sir, our camera never hes."
eHaruard LdmPoOn.
a oirl who formerly lived in St. Louis writes
from Colorado to an old friend Sc This is the
bandsomest 200 acres 1 ever put my foot down
on Her father ought to get 1oO acres more
and have a lawn around her foot.
Tyonty-one freshmen were suspended from an
English College because professor cou!dn ma
out who placed ten-ounce tack IN his chalr.
He however, knew all about who sat down
upon it.
Jacobs taste led him to choose Rachel
Moses nobility of spirit made him choose to suffer
with his own people; Regulas manhood made
him choose death rather than dlshonor, but the
Burlington school girl chews gum
1t is said the same mysterious motive which
impels man to run two squares to catch street
car which is only minute ahead OF the one
behind it, impels young man to court the first
girl he falls in love with as if she we're the only
one in the world eligible to marriage.
The mother-in-law finds a defender In the San
Francisco Mail, which says: " If old Adam
had mother-in-law to look after him and his
wife, ir is more than probable that this very
day we might have been able to caper about IN
the light and airy costumes of our first par
ents." ff....
Louisiana raised thirty-two million oranges
last YEAR And when a man attempts to make
q coal hole in the pavement with the back oi
his neck, he goes home. sharpens his John
knife, and cuts Louisiana out of every geography
IN the house.
A coffin maker was asked for whom he was
making a coffin, and replied: " Mr.. Swift. -
"Why, man. replied the other, s' he is not
dead yet" So Don't you trouble yourself, ~
replied the sturdy mechanic. ''Dr. Coe told
me 10 make his coffin, and guess he knows what
he gave him.
Farmer (after anziOusIy inspecting strangers)
''What be they gentlemen doing, mister? ??
Visitor: ''SketchIng your house. They are
artists, and maybe they will paint it, Farmer
@'Well, 1 am sure they will be quite welcome
1t wants it, and whteWashing, too, mortal bad ,