The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1878-09-20
SIFTINGS.

Why call her girl Of the period, when
she refuses to come to a fullstop?
A bona fde advertisement.-W Wanted
10 buy small farm with some land.
"Business before pleasure, as the man
said who kissed his wife before going to
see his sweetheart.
A wag suggests that suitable opening
for many choirs would be, ooh, Lord, have
mercy on us miserable singers"
Marriage! Pooh don't men-shnu-it!,
exclaimed the maiden aunt. "Indeed they
don't II replied her lovely niece.
Preacher to boy on the street MY lit
tie man, is your father Christian? !? Boy
Yes, sir, but he amt working at it much
lately.
"A Lawrence paper says that q young
man recently ''shot himself with rival
The young fellow doubtless had reason to
believe that the rival wouldn't 60 off.
The miser business pays. You never
hear of a miser making an assignment.
One Of this profession has recently died
and left behind two millioas Of property.
A Nevada man who had the eloquence
Of a Cicero, the retentive memory Of a
Richelieu and brain as large as Web
ster's was fined three dollars and costs.
"Not guilty, but ought to be hanged,
vas the the form IN which bigam st, in
whose favor technical point had been
successfully raised, was acquitted By
Jury in Chester, Pa.
Beware of the two dollar man. # he
says one dollar or two and a half he may
be an honest borrower. But the chronic
beat is he who endeayors to extract two
dollars without pain.
An undertakers establishment Of Schuy-
kill Haven, Pa, was broken into the other
night and all the coftins carried away and
deposited on the doorsteps Of the doctors
Offices and drug store Of the town.
A young man in sPrague, Conn.,, who
carries pistol cartridges in his pocket with
his tobacco, happened to get one in his
pipe the other day, and did not know il
until a piece of his nose was blown off.
He nose it now.
A young lady Of Lowell, Ont, was sent
to Jail recently for swearing because her
back hair dropped in the gutter when she
jumped out of a buggy, and now the
Canadian women want free ballot and
female police judges
La the lobby Of an inn at the head of
Loeb suinart the following inscription was
painted on the wall in conspicuous letters:
NO person will get credit for whiskey
in this house but those that pay money
down"
Pious old Boston gentleman observes
boys playing marbles ou the Common one
Sunday. Boys, he says, sternly, boys.
do you know what day it is y one ofthe
boys yells out, Here, Bill, can you tel
this man what day it is ?-he don't know!l
End Of the missionary enterprise.
"A most extraordinary.elopement recent
ly occurred at sharpsburg, Pa; where a
Justice of the Peace, who had lost both
legs in a railway accident, ran away ffI
the expression IS admissible in such a
case), with his cousin, young lady ofI
sixteen years, who had been engaged as a
clerk IN his Office.
An exchange has an article telling how
matches are made We supposed every
body knew it was, by taking young man
and young woman, equal parts, and let
them sit up together about six months,
telling them a few times in this interval
that they should never have each other.
Perhaps there are other ways we havnt
heard Bridgeport Standard.
Pascal, who married a ruby-haired girl
q year ago, returned to his mother for a
visit on sunday, and she discovered that
he had become bald headed. His mother
ATTEMPTED to brnsh q few stray locks over
the white spot, but he patiently said,
Don't spoil il that is where Mary lays
down her plan ofbattIe.
Somebody has imposed on the innocence
Of the Chicago Times man, and induced
him 70 print the absurd statement that as
the Queens farm, near London, sells but
ter there, Victoria milks six COWS herself.
Any well informed person knows that the
Queen hires al the outdoor work done in
order that she can devote her whole time
70 the ehurning Detroit Free Press.
John Bannister the comedian, was pre-
sented q an old lady, proud Of ancient
and noble blood. The lady asked a wilofI
tie day, who was present. who are the
Bannisters Z Are they a good family y
81, said the Wit, ..Yery good, iaaee
they are closely connected with the Stairs
.s0h, said The lady, l . sery ancient
family Of Ayrshire -lates back 70 1859
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