The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-10-31

Keep q stiff upperllp, Mr.. llloen
YOU re not alone in the world yet. There
Fitz-J ohm Porter, for instance.
Mistakes will happen" but many o
them never happen but once The mar
who kicks hornets nest, learns vol
ume in one lesson.
Boomingly, now and then
Shot-guns are heard;
Seven times out of ten
Missing the bird.
When the Democrats hold meeting
in South Carolina, the women attend IN
red Jackets, and the men in red shirts
and with red noses.
The Democratic Presidential candidates
are in pretty bad way. Each of them
wants to be on the strong side, but he
can t tell what financial doctrine to advo
cate, for he doesn't know where his party
will be by 1880.
"Yes," said Aunt Sary after the minis
ter had left for his summer vacation, I'VE
all like the preacher; want him to rest ;
in fact, we'd most Nv US ruther see him
go off some place and rest all day Sun.
days.
A man sauntered boldly into the streets
of New York the other day, and claimed
to be the author Of Grandfather 8
Clock" He didn't have long to weight
until he was struck l.
The Democratic Executive Committee
of South Carolina, in an address to the
voters. announces that the State is very
peaceful and quiet. All SO it is. So is
graveyard
Blifkins says he deprecates the habit
of many newspaper writers, in making
fun of a woman's efforts at chopping
wood. 1T might discourage 'em, you
say they're excellent choppers, and you
hope to see more of their work; praise
EN- up, praise 'em up!"
Talk about titles What tinseled sprig
of nobility would not be consumed with
envy, to an Indiana man lay his
hand upon the lapel of his blue jeans
vest, and say Il am an anti-resumption,
unlimited issue, fat-money, greenback
Democrat
Our Democratic exchanges still keep
up the cry of "too much money y All
right, gentlemen; we'll use our influence
with John Sherman, to try to have some
of it called in on the first of January,
1879 In the mean time, be as patient
as possible.
How strange now, did you never no.
tice it that when you invite woman to
''come in and take chair" she answers:
"Oh no, indeed, indeed ] haven't time p
But she will just sit right down on the
door.sill and talk for two solid hours, all
the same.
What has become Of the new silver
dollars that have been coined?" Well.
we'll tell you, but you mustn't mention it.
John Sherman's saving them to buy
votes with, in 1880 If you have any
doubts, ask the nearest Democratic Fl
nancier for light on the subject.
just as though poor old Mr.. Tilden
hadn't enough trouble already, they are
now limiting about his getting married
1t looks to us. at this distance, as though
Sammy has had too many persons run
ming his household, already.
Prof Edison has invented an electric
light" This, if brought into general use
will lift one of the terrors off suffering
people. 1t will drive off the fellow who
comes around selling patent selfextin
gushing lamp burners.
No huntin or shutin allowed on thi
farm" was the inscription on the sign
nailed on to hickory tree. Then w
inquired the size of the farm that was TOT
valuable to be hunted on. He owned
six acres-three in MULLEN, and three il
iron-weeds.
AS her hand lightly rests on his. Au
gustus rolls his eyes upward, and sing:
"Oh. sweetly smiles the moon,"-Yes
yes, that's all right young man, but tha
hard, resolute face peeping around tn
corner of the house isn't smiling-not
D1C OF III. IL tlme LOT you TO go.
A worthless fellow after hearing
street peddler reciting "The Moneyles
Man" went to Bank and wanted t
borrow ten dollars, but instead of kicl
ing him out as the poem led him to b.
lieve, the polite clerk informed him ths
he would get ten, or hundred, or
thousand, by giving good security Il
now votes the sentimental poet hun
bug
About the first thing a man does aft,
attaining greatness, is to establish ru
to govern his eating. He gets up in tt
morning, slaps himself pompously on IL
stomach, and calls for glass of waite
and cold biscuit. Then, while the 8
tendant goes after them, he dives in
the cupboa Il eats three or four poun
of col ham, dish POTATOES, cucul
Der pickle, and any other little remnan
that may be lying around loose, the
takes his pia at ia e, nd is ready
take his scuit AMI ter, and discour
eloquently upon the beauties of dietiu