The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-01-31
WIT AND RUMOR.

LIZ you do not want to be robbed of
your good name, do not have it painted
on your umbrella.
The editor Of Virginia paper was
asked by stranger s'if ii were possible
that little town kept up four newspa-
pers." And the reply was "No; it
takes four newspapers to keep up the
town. ....
A TRAIN Of cars on q Florida railroad
the other day passed man on horse
back, and there was a great hurrahing
among the passengers until they dis
covered that the animal was tied to the
fence.
ON recent trial witness was asked
as to the common sense of Joseph
Buckley when Buckley was sober, i"
he said, "he was very sensitive-as
sensitive as any other man; but when
drunk he was very much exaggerated.
"P1EAsE accept a lock of my hair"
said bachelor to a widow, handing her
large curl. "Sir,' she replied, tyou
had better give the whole wig" Mad
am, he responded, "you are very biting
indeed, considering that your teeth are
porcelain"
YOUNG couple drifting into gallery
Of statues. They looked around for the
one with the most drapery on. ct is
Venus coming ont Of the bath, said he,
consulting the catalogue. That seems
to be the case with most of them" an
swered she. Then they left.
A MINISTER who preached poor ser
mons to lot of poor farmers in North
ern New York had an experience of
poor pay, with considerable difficulty in
making collections. One farmer offered
to settle his subscription by giving the
pastor buck Or So in cash. AS bucks
were overstocking the market the pas
tor took the cash. Another said to him:
ST subscribed $40 to your wages. I viii
give you COW and call it square. She's
an awful poor COW, just like your preach
ing" The pastor gratefully drove the
cow home, and found her hopelessly dry
and tough. He is open to a call from
some other field of labor.
The pen has been eulogized above the
sword, and even the scissors outrank the
plowshare, but the unobtrusive mucil-
age and odoriferous paste-pot will go
down to posterity unhonored and IN.
sung.
History and tradition don't have much
to say about profanity being reduced to
a science until tight boots came upon
the scene.
The analytical mind that CLEANS the
fields of reason for ungarnered why's and
wherefores strikes stGmper sometimes.
The problem of why woman marries a
man with mutton chop whiskers will
meet with solution when the lever of
Archimedes finds its fulcrum.
When your country cousin comes to
the city for couple of days, he goes
back to the farm with heavy eye-iids
and an Interchangeable belief that nothing
was ever put on wheels that could get
more noise out of cobble-stone pave
ment than a railroad omnibus.
Greek is the language for poetry,
French for love, and italian for hand
organ melody, but the man with a shirt
collar that don't fit is the same helpless
being In all.
"Difidence is hard to overcome
wrote the schoolgirl, in her compost
ton. All, yes; 50 it is, but the man
with a corn under another fellows heel
must and will howl
"Two hundred and forty bones in the
human body" is the way it reads in the
books, but short acquaintance with
boarding house mattress will make most
my man of spare build bet his last col
ar button that there hasn't been fair
count.