The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1878-03-07
THE WRONG UMBRELLA.
AN EVERY DAY STORY.

1t is lamentable that the moral sense of
| mankind takes so little account Of the
rights of property as regards books aud
umbrellas. Many people who are in
most respects excellent members of So
ciety will borrow books without stint,
and, if they do not return them minus
| the covers, will keep them without COM
panction, and when you hint that they
had them rather long, will utter: Con
found the fellow, does he think that /
| want to steal his books ?" l have had
differences with my best friends on this
score, and have ever been asked whether
| had not better fue everybody who re-
tanned my valuable volumes beyond a
fixed time, as If / were village library.
Such insults have been borne with meek
ness, because l have always remembered
with remorse how / once reVeled in the
thought of having made away with
JohBson's umbrella. The laxity OF the
public morals in the matter of umbrellas
is truly awful, but retribution will some
times oyertake him who plots against his
neighbor's parachute. Let me tell how
| it overlook me
A long time ago ! was madly epam-
ored of Mary Jane Bowles. Mary Jane
was what you would cali pocket Venus,
and often have l been tempted to tuck
her under my arm like packet of sugar,
and fly 10 the nearest desert island. She
was an artless girl, and very fond of
society-especially the society of young
men with whom ] was not on terms of
ardent friendship. l did not blame her
| for this, and when she invited me to tea,
and found johnson had also been in
vited. my discerning eye observed that
| this was not cOquetry, but pure exhu-
berance of spirits. Mr.. Bowles, noticed,
was Of the same opinion, and it was a
great satisfaction to me to have my
judgment confirmed by 50 experienced a
parent. Mrs BOwles, had she been alive,
would no doubt have agreed with us.
1 had known Mary Jane since she
wore short frocks. johnson had known
her about a month. 1t was pleasant to
hear her call me Sam and him Mr.. John
son, but somehow the familiarity in my
case seemed to have bred not contempt
| o dear. no nothing of that kind--but a
sort of nOnchalance of manner. (HOw
useful the French language is when one
wants to express very delicate shade oil
meaningl) But that was her artless-
ness.
"Dear me, SAM" she observed, at the
tea-table, what have you got such q
| long face for Y''
J0hnson's attentions had made me a
| little pensive.
Something must be long to make up
| for the prevailing short l said.
johnson was not much taller than
Mary Jane. I made note of that sar-
casn afterward. My impromptus are
too often lost.
"Dan't be impertinent, sir! Look into
I that spoon. Your face is exactly like
the reflection you zee there--isn't it, Mr.
JohnsOR?'
He grinDej.
1t was then I observed, for the first
time, the singular breadth of his visage.
His grin seemed to extend across the
Fooms
eff Mr.. johnson will hold the spoon
horizontally, he may admire his own
image" l remarked, playfully.
johnson grinned again. He was one
of those insaneIv goed-natured men
whom it is quite impossible 10 annoy.
d" Sam, you are outrageous" said Mary
Jane. " Mr.. Johnson and l are going to
practice cur duet. You step here and
talk to pa"
Mr.. Bowles had to be aroused from
| the doza into which he usually dropped
after tea. It was in that habit that my
penetration had detected his conviction
that Mary Jane was an artless creature.
Pa woke up, and asked me what were
my views on tramways. His comp0sitiO ]
was a fine, crusty conservatism, and he
disliked innovations. His port wine was
fire and cTusty, too, but that is by the
way.
/ was listening to the duet overhead
and had a very indistinct idea of what
was saying myself. cannot sing, but
it was not for that reason that objected
to the eposterously Operatic way IL
| which johnson was conducting hiEself
" Tramways, my dear sir, are, as you
so Justly observe, the chief scourge O
mankind. From the earliest times they
have been noted for their hostility K
human virtue, and"
have lands and proud dwellings,
And all shall be thine,
sang Johnson, upstairs.
"And 1t is, IS you say, mOnstrou
that landed proprietors and blOateC
householders should override the pOpu
lar protest in this matter, especially a
we know that-that for purposes 0
drainage, tramWays are--'
my dear boy, you are not we'll, ," in
terrupted Mr.. Bowles, kindly. Hav'
a glass of wine"
When l left the house that evening
was thoughtful. 1t struck me tina
johnson had Mary Jane in his miud'
eve. l could not damage that organ G
vision, so / decided that nothing woul
be gained by hitting him. But some
thing would have to be done. I wante
to marry Mary Jane. She was a charm
ing girl, and her father had a littl
NV suspicious about johnson wer
confirmed next DAY. I met lively
friend, who said:
"Oh, you know Johnson%'
" Well?'
"He's going in for the little Bowle'
He told me he should propose to her TO
morrow night, when he takes her hom
from Twig's party"
Perditionp
"Eh? Slap up girl, isn't she Though
you were sweet that way p
"Perd- Oh, no. not at all? There
nv omnibus By by 70
Going 10 propose when he took he
home from Twig'si BY all the powers
he should not take her home from To- ,
It had been agreed that should esc0r
Mary Jane TO the halls of Twig. 1t Wa
! a fine night apparently, but took m
umbrella. 1t was new one, surmOunte
, by sn alligatCr's head in German silvel
: | Fervently invoked Jupiter Piuvius {
] betriend me, and hoped that Johnso
$ would leave his umbrellas At home.
1t was less than ten minutes walk, br