The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-08-03
NUMBER Is.
PASSING SMILES.

we uHJ ustly luIer tndt tney VIII IN Ill.
THINK not of faults committed in tn,
past when one has reformed his conduct
. If you have intelligence, modesty be
sets it off; if not, best hide your wan,
of it.
INDULGE not in anger; it is whettinp
u sword TO wound thine own breast OF
murder friend.
If you reject unmerited praise, you
are unhappy; if you accept 1t, you are
probably undone.
UNMERITED oblivion is but another
name for the ignorance of the many and
the virtues of the few.
III you were Dr. Mary's husband
You would find 1t hard TO learn,
/ When putting on your trousers,
i. To distinguish yourn from hern.
ALL the nice boys have their hair
closely lawn-mowed. II stabs the flies
to death, and bothers the mosquitoes
| Breakfast Table
EDISON has perfected fog horn that
can be heard ten miles, but when it
comes to an invention for getting his
hired girl up in the morning, he smiles
sadly and falls to musing on the infinite.
A CORRESPONDENT, in writing Of
recent celebration in the city of Cleve-
land, says: "The procession was very
fine, and nearly two miles long, as was
also the report of DIR. Perry, the chap
lain"
The Burlington Ha,okeyc says: eff
any subscriber finds line in his paper
that he does not like and can not agree
with, If he will bring his paper to the
IA, o..I ,nt mi 1a aAondsnop Isvao
the editor will take his scissors and cut
it out for him."
A MINISTER, going to visit one of his
sick parishioners, asked him how he
rested during the night. "Oh, won
drously i'll, SIR" he replied, I" for mine
eyes have not come together these three
nights" "What is the reason of thatr'
said the other. Alas, sir" said he,
because my nose was betwixt them"
BENJAMIN F. KING, JR., of New Bed
ford, recently coughed up a splinter of
wood which had been in his body for
twenty-nine years, being part Of
stick which had accidentally pierced his
flesh and broke off. He had often ex-
perienced sharp neuralgia pains in the
vicinity of the wound, which have now
entirely ceased.
WHAT to him was love or hope?
What to him was joy or careY He step
ped on plug Of Irish soap the girl had
left on the topmost stair, and his feet
flew out like wild, fierce things, and he
struck each stair with sound like q
drum; and the girl below with the
scrubbing things laughed like hend to
see him come"
A NEwLy-MARRIEp lady, who, AZ In
duty bound, was very fond Of her hus-
band, Notwithstanding his extreme ugli-
ness of person, once said to q witty
friend, "What do you think7 Ny hus-
band has laid out fifty guineas for 2
large baboon on purpose to please meV
"The dear little mani" cried the other.
DWELL, it's just like him."
He had fought under the old flag, he
said with husky pathos, but the officer
had two thin-faced women and colored
expressman ready to swear that the row
occurred beneath the red rag in front of
an auction store, and grew out of .
wranu le about the price Of q second
hand cook stove with one broken Leg
Breakfdst Table.
Two Germans met in San Francisco
recently. After affectionate greeting,
the following dialogue ensued: Fen
you said you hef arrivedT' Yester-
day." "You came dot Horn around r
"No." ooh! den you come dot land
over?" "No." eden you hef net ar
rivedr p "Oh, yes! / hef arrived. I
come dot Mexico through"
A YOUNG man, on being asked by his
sweetheart why the continued How Ut 70
many rivers into the sea did not NIL up
the sea and make it run over, replied,
"Why, it's the sponges, my dear"
"Why, what have the sponges to do
with til" she asked To which he re-
sponded: "Why, the sea is full Of
sponges, way down at the bottom, and
they suck up the water-don't you seer
AN Irish brickIayer was one day
brought to the Edinburgh InfirmaFy
severely injured by fall from . house.
top. The medical man in attendance
asked the sufferer at what time the acci-
dent occurred. 1.-TWO O'Clock, yer
honor" was the reply. On being asked
how he came to FIX the hour 50 accu-
rately, he answered: Because ! saw
the people at dinner through window
as I was coming down."
THE MISSING MAN.
1t was on Monday morning
And the merchant in his chair
Uneasily did fdget he,
For his cashier was not there.
1t was on Monday morning
With wild distracted air
The cashiers wife was listening for
Her lords foot on the stair.
She fastened TO the office,
Her face with terror white,
He has not been home, my husband"
| She gasped, " since Friday night"
Then up sprang that old merchant
With sympathetic looks:
| Said she, :" Examine the Hver;"
said he, " Examine the books"
| OF course everybody thought last
Tuesday noon that the sun had run in
on an open side track, and got into un-
Usually close quarters with the earth,
and they will hardly be prepared for Mr..
Proctor's statement that the earth WAS
then in apogee, or st the furthest limit
of its orbit from the sun, and over
5000, 900 miles further away than abe
will no naxt Docemhers when wa will