Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-08-09
THE MAN WHO LAUGHS.

| Ienl, relneu IN tue negative, out duutt
that he thought himself capable of DRAWN!
an inference. We'll" said the quesrioner
what inference would you draw from thiI
passage The wild ass snuffeth up the cas-
wind . Why. Sir. the inference | should
draw wonld be that he might snuff long
time before he got fat.
A Loquacious Barber being desirous of re
| plenishing his Stock of Bears grease and
knowing Bank whereon a wild Bear slept
armed himself with his Razor and proceeded
noiselessly and on tiptoe to the Spot. He
| was lust about to take tine Bear by the Nose
| and cut his throat when his Professional In
stinct impelled him to ask his intended Vic
| tim if he would not have a Bottle of Alicep-
herous, to prevent the falling ont of his hair
Thus apprised of his danger, the Ferocious
Plantigrade had no Difficulty in killing the
Loquacious Barber. Mrai-Go Thou ard
Do Likewise.-IN. Y. World.
| Louis Will, the German poet, Was the
author of this pretty and profound remark :
''hlusic is an art inferior to poetry it can
say 4 love but it cannot say i love
you.
The secret of war has been well defined
by an unknown Chinese author: Soldier he
come on, he come on, he come on quite near.
We go way. How can two men stand on
one spot, so "
Miss yence, OF indianapolis, took yence
at some remarks addressed to her by local
rough and dealt him fearful blow straight
from the shoulder, breaking his nose and
knocking him down.
1t took Mrs. Elijah Wallen, of Coldwater
Mich, forty years to find ont that she had
squandered her affections on man unworthy
to be the father Of her eleven children, and
so she left him.
young gentleman was passing a little
girl on Seventh street yesterday who was sit
ting on the doorsteps and making the air
melodious humming over tune. He was
interested by the sweet and intelligent ap-
pearance of the child, and accosting her the
following dialogue took place Sissy,
what's your pas name This was politely
answered by the little girl. How many
brothers have you ~ Pour or five. How
many sisterst7 -Four or FIVE The young
mans curiosity being satisfied he passed on
The mother of the little four year-old (who
had neither brother nor sister, over
heard the conversation, and calling her in
asked her why she had storied TO the man
and received the following cute reply
We'll, mamma, didn't want the gentleman
to think We were so poor as to have no chill
dren.- Columbus (Ol Statesman.
That California miners have big hearts las
long been known TO admirers of Bret Harte's
authentic narratives, and here is a case in
point. One of them. who had come down
from the mines for a big spree in San Fran
cisco. came out of the Palace hotel the other
night TO find poorly-dressod woman crouch
ed beside the building crying bitterly. The
miner looked at her poor clothing and her
pinched face and felt in his pocket 1t had
in it Just one $50 gold piece. He said :'Stop
here n moment marm, and lodged around
the corner and into a dry goods store. In n
few minutes he returned, and pressing
small bundle into the poor womans hand
disappeared with the air Of a man who had
done a kind action gracefully. The starving
female eagerly undid the package 1t con-
tanned pair of embroidered silk stockings.
Come. wife" sIid Will, Il pray you devote
Just half minute to mend this coat.
Which a nail has CHANGED 10 rend.'
'''Tis 10 o'clock said his drowsy mate,
Il know, said VIII; 1t Is rather late,
But it, never too late to mend"
Visitor to q Sunday-school, addressing the
children-"What is the ostensible object of
Sunday school instruction = No answer
Visitor What is the ostensible object of
Sunday school instruction - No answer.
Visitor What is the ostensible object of
Sunday school instruction = Small boy lin
a feeble voice,-'Yes. sir.-[Snnday School
Times.
Here is e receipt for making picnic lemon
ade First get your barrel. Then fill it
with water. Don't be mean, put in plenty
of water. Now throw pound OF white sugar
into the barrel. Squeeze in n large-sized
lemon. Don't be mean about the lemon,
either but put the whole Of it in the barrel.
Stir with long pole, and call the children
up Immediately. As fast as they drink, fill
tlfa1 4
age thus made is cheap, (if the lemon is
bought at Nholesale) and is quite healthy. 1t
contains no pain, and is much sought after
by indulgent mothers and young lovers.
Picnic lemonade differs from the church fair
article by having the water little freEher
[Oshkosh Christian Advocate.
There is a bug in Nevada Known as the
''stink bug. A gentleman OF this city, while
on his way TO make call on lady friend
few evenings since, accidentally stepped on
one of these bugs. and transported the odor
with him on the sole of his boot He did
not prolong his visit brt, before departing,
remarked to his hostess that one cause OF the
sickness recently prevailing in Austin was
defective sewerage, and people ought to be
very careful and see that the drains from
their houses were kept free and clean. And.
after he was gone, the lady emptied two bot
ti'o VI AOiiAih NdAtI bH tLt IhIlbI carpet,
and confidentialiy informed her sister that
she would Just like to catch herself marrying
a man whose feet perspired that way Aus
tin (Ney.) Reveille.
The late Charles Matthews, the actor, used
to tell this story about two aspirants for his
trionic fame who had met in q managers
room seeking for employment What do
You propose to play, may | ask inquired
one of the other, who had cold. ''Amlet is
my leading part What: You play Am
let with such a cold as thatr We'll. and
why not Oo's more likely to ave a cold
than Amlet, always dabhlIn' about them
nasty, damp ramparts
An excellent specimen of the traditional
Irish bull is reported to have been perpetra-
ted by Buffalo alderman, who. from his dia-
lect, would appear to be Of Teutonic nation
nlity. The board had under consideration
the subject of building n new Jail when the
member referred TO made this astonishing
motion: Il makes der motion as de new
Jail be build on de same spot rs der old iai
what's now standing dat saves de money
for de land, and | makes der motion as der
old jail shall not be pull down till der new
lall Is built, so We will not be nlitout Jail"
Two Germans met in San Francisco re-
Gently. After aiiectlonate greeting the fol
lowing dialogue ensued "fenyou said you
hef arrived" YESTERDAY" lyon came dot
horn around ? NO "oh | see. you
came dot lsthmus across NO" "Oh |
den you come dot land over No. Den
you Eef not arrived oh, yes | hef ar
rived. l com dot Mexico through. [Wash-
lngton Sunday Herald
In response to the question, Where does
the cholera usually originate a smart un-
dergTaduate says In Asia, | believe.
though my own experience is that 1t takes its
origin in the stomach = and the professor
rewards him thus No reference has been
made to cholera iniantum.
The latest sentimental agony in song is II
tender ballad, beginning
Who will come above ne. II ching,
When the grass grows over me
We can't say positively whC, but If the
cemetery fence is in the usual repair, it will
probably be the COW. lIawkeye.
4 gentleman married his servant girl. A
short time after their union hc gave an even
ing party. Conversation tagging silence
reigned, when one OF the ladies said "Aw-
ful pause I" The lady OF the house imme-
diately exclaimed Awful paws indeed
So would you have awful paws il you had
done the dirty work i'll your life that | have
Won Moltke tells a coed story of II big
clfcasslan whom he saw paradng through
packed. ballroom with a whole nrsenal OF
pistols at his belt. Are they loaded - ask
ed Won Moltke. with some apprehension Of
an accident 'Loaded2 said the Circassian
with an accent of disgusted surprise What
would | want to cary pistols for if they
weren't loaded2'
Mistress But thought you were very
com Portable Mary Mary Yes. mem.
but the young man as keeps company with
me thinks there's too many gentlemen visit
ors comes here, and they might wean me
from his young affections so, with your
permission, ! will not be a medium for con
tention. i Exchange
PRODUCED 1HE DT SIRED EFFECT.
The blushes from her warm checks fed,
Ills getting rather chilly"
She with timOrOus quiver said
She looked pale as lily.
lie quickly looked and then did see
no coy cashmere hound her
And 50 he very quiety
hi ann n