Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-04-05
F U N !!

Il l. IN
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A traveller in western Iowa, while rid
ding along, came to large sign which i'm
plored him to s'Look out for the locomo-
tive" He accordingly rode down the
track for better view, and while he was
obliglngly looking OUT for it, it came
along. He saw it, but he had to sit in tie.
ditch and wait until freight train Of thir
ty-seven cars passed by before he could
get back to the other piece of his horse.
At parting in Chicago railroad de-
pot, "Do not forget me or cease to love
me!'' murmured the husband.-"N lever
never % sobbed the wife, and she pull d
out a handkerchief and tied knot in it.
that she might remember.
When fond son starts forward in lift
he sometimes turns round to caress his
friends, but mule never turns round H.
is the only affectionate one Of his species
who can strike out in life both Ways al
once.
$50 there's another rupturn OF Mount
Vociferous,' said Mrs. Darlington, as sht
put up her specs. 1.-The papers tell US
about the burning Lather running down
the mountain, but 1t don't tell how it got
on fire.
ssWhat to eat and how to cook it,,' is
the name of book recently published
ssWhat to eat and where to get it," would
meet with livelier sale among the labor
ing classes here just now.
The Brooklyn boarder, when he quickly
but calmly extracted long red hair from
the skyward portion of his bread, asks his
fellows to join in singing. "1'm butter
stranger here!''
In Russian school the evening class
wears out a new alphabet every week.
Some of the most knotty words art
smoothed off with a jack plane before Civ
en- to the class.
4 hard case was asked the other day if
he had anything stored up in heaven.
s.Sartin, sartin,'' replied he. 81 guess they
must be laid up there if anywhere, for l
hain't got any laid up to home.'
A widow once said to her daughter.
s'When you are my age it will be time
enough to dream of husband" Eyes
mamma, - replied the thoughtless beauty,
''for second time
This world is not well arranged For
instance, whoever saw rabbit chasing
three men and carload Of boys around
for three hours for the sake of fifteen
cents worth of pot-pie?
The doctors in indianapolis are quarrel
ling so bitterly with each ether, that last
week an undertaken starved to death, and
great restitution and suffering in that in
dustry is feared.
The opulent Clinton "Courier'' speaks Of
taxes on editorial faith. An editor with
faith enough to make him liable to taxa
ton is to be regarded with awe.
& lady on the Westside, joked the other
day about her nose said. II had nothing
to do in shaping it. 1t was a birthday
present."
About three-fifths of the jury trials in
this country include at least one man
on the jury who ought to have been
born a mule.
A gentleman wi no had been struck by
yus.ng lady's beauty has determined to fol-
low the injunction and "kiss the rod that
smots him."
What is the difference between butch
er and gay young lady? The former
kills to dress, while the latter dresses to
kill.
Among all nay boys, 1 never had but
one who took after his father. and that
was my Aaron: be took after me with
club,
Krupp, the cannon-maker, says: ''Der
Lordt has been goot to me. He makes
lots of war to help my poor vanity along"
At what hour did the devil make his ap-
pearance in the garden OF Eden In the
night of course. He came after Eve.
st. Louis has ten thousand dogs.-The
native wears section of stoge-pipe on
each leg during the mad dog season.
Henry Clay describes mule as an ami
mai that has no pride of ancestry and no
hope CT poste ity.
When man sees his wife shedding a
cataract of tears, it well Niagaravates him
beyond endurance.
George Washington wasn't always first
even in war or in peace. He married a
widow .-as.k
There is asaan out West SO dirty that
the assessors put him down as real estate,
Whom did the pastry-cook marryp His
sweettart, of course.