The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1878-11-21
ma1 AdeIer On burglars.

Of late several burglaries have been
committed in theneighborhOOd in which
Mr.. James Simpson lives, and, Of course,
the folks are not a little alarmed. In
Simpsons row alone enough firearms
and ammunition have been collected to
conduct a very fair sized war with Mex
leo, and Simpson, particularly, has bought
a whole army of weapons and loaded
them to the muzzle. Simpsons brother
in-law, George Washington Budd, COM
monty known as "Wash," lives with him,
and for weeks past, Wash, upon going to
bed, has made such a preparation and
display of various kinds of engines Of de-
struction that a lOoker-On might have
concluded that his purpose was to con-
duct a kind of battle of Gettysburg on
his own responsibility.
The other night Wash, after recapping
all his revOlvers, running his thumb
along the edge of his broad sword, half
cooking his gun, and laying his bowie
knife on the chair, thought he heard a
burglar prowling about down stairs.
l Bucklingon his artillery, Wash, in stock
ing feet, erept down the back staircase,
E.determined to annihilate the thief.
Simpson heard the noise at the same
moment. They stopped and listened.
Wash thought he heard the burglar IN
the parlor. Simpson felt sure the rascal
was in the dining-room pocketing spoons.
So. while Wash trod noiselessly 'front.'
wards, Simpson stepped stealthily to the
rear. Midway in the hall they came
/ into collision. Each felt perfectly GER
tain that the other was the burglar.
Wash grappled with his antagonist IN
stantly. Simpson knew that a death
struggle had begun, so he took hold with
all his might. Neither had a chance to
draw their weapons.
Wash sJrOve to throw his burglar down,
and Simpson, perceiving the game made
a huge effort to PROSTATE Wash. They
pushed, and pulled, and jerked, and
showed, and painted, humping up against
the wall, kicking up the carpet, and max
ng such a hubbub that Mrs. Simpson,
| in her room, and afraid to come out lift
ed up her voice and screamed with aw-
! ful vehemenCe.
After fearful and desperate struggle,
during which Wash had his coat torn to
RAGS and a couple of handfuls Of hair
pulled out, and Simpson had his nose
| iammed against a chair until it felt as if
! it had swelled to the size Of a Watermel-
lon, Wash let 60 a moment to get his
breath. Thereupon Simpson made a
rush for the front stairs quietly, in the
dark. and Wash, pretty well scared and
tired of war, dashed off up the back
stairs, resolved to go and see why Simp-
son didn't come down and help wipe the
burglar out.
As Simpson got to the landing he saw
Wash's form. by the dim light from the
back room in the back entry.
"Who's thatP" shouted Simpson, nerv'
Ously, feeling for his revolver.
"NIe- Wash" replied the brOther-ln'
law.
Simpson went up to him and said:
Thunder and lightning, Wash! Why
didn't YOU come down sOOner|
Sooner! Why, where've you been
Pve had the most awful time you evel
heard Of"
"So'Ye L" replied Simpson. There's
a burglar in the house, and I've beer
tearing him to pieces"
"YOu don't say so? Why, my gracious
Pve had fghtwith one, too, and think
[ laid him out p
"Why, down stairs, there III the iron
entry"
Not in the entry, you don't mean ?'
f'Yes," said Wash; In the entry near
ly banged the head off Of him. Whert
was your man%
'Why, in the entry, too. Queer I die
not hear youp
'It is queer" replied Wash; "becaus
I hammered his nose againsta chair un
til it must be mashed fiat."
"WhOse nose P
"The burglars; and he tore my coat t
rags, and pretty nearly scalped me-"
/ ''WhO did%
'aThe burglar"
Simpson was silent q moment, AM
then he said:
Come mere to the light"
They entered the bathroom, and Wasl
, looked at Simpson and Simpson loOket
/ at Wash.
: "Washw said Simpson.
"What% said Wash.
'rWash, you're the biggest idiot in tn
State. Hang meif don't believeyou'v
been fighting with me! Look at m
= nOseF
t NO! YOU don't sayY" Did, you pul
T. out your burglars hair, and splinter u
r his CoatP'
'I'm afraid did," said Simpson"
"AIr. Simpson," said Wash, calmly, "i
there is q bigger ass on the continen
than am, think can lay my hand o.
the man; a party by the name Of Jill
l Simpson,
Just at this juncture Mrs. Simpson fle7
/ from her room down the hallway, an
S into the bathroom, where she fell on he
S knees, clasped her hands, and shrieket
. "Save me James! Oh, save me, WASH
2 tngton, save me! Don't let me be mul
/ dered! Don't don't, oh, don't"
S Simpson looked sheepishly at Wash
= then without saying a word, he seize
s Mrs. Simpson by the arm, ran her owe
t to the bedroom, and slammed the doc
5 Then George Washington Budd weI
I up stairs Gisgorging his murderous al
i paratus, locked his bowie knife in h
d trunk, and went to bed.
$ Both cOmbatants sWore secrecy; bJ
: Simpson couldn't help telling his wifi
e and she spread it. Of course, and so hel
:. it is.
]