Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1878-06-08
JTSTlFEA BILE FICTION.

AFRAID OF wild beasts. all alone in the forest.
laughed a manly laugh of derision.
Did you ever kill wild beast?' asked the
tender BTifCD.
Ihave never killed anything larger than a
squirrel in my life. Several times before had
L been asked this question. With an over
conscientious regard for veracity had an
sweTed, Nav" At once i sunk in popular
estimation. Here was the crisis again. Three
answer-two of them lineal descendants OF
William tie Conqueror. They expected me to
be NimTC dish.
! said then to myself: "Strict veracity and
acity keeps me from shining. The British
public expect bold, startling deeds from a
dwelIer in the western wilds of America. The
British public shall not be disappointed.
must launch a slain wild beast upon them. 1t
shall figure prominently at all social gather
irgs. / will tell the story so often that l will
believe 1t myself; Will also hint vaguely OF
some dark and dreadful deed all my own. In
social converse my countenance shall fall
suddenly: shall hesitate; dreadful recOl-
lection shall, for the moment, seem to over
will be myself again.
L commenced my new career that same
evening. i said i had once killed a COYOTE
brought the beast out modeStly rs though
or merit 2riOus in the act.
And what is a cOyote?' asked the lady.
should say that it was mean, sneaking,
cowardly ANIMAL with a roar like lion and
-
single one had been known to put a whole
village to flight, and that in his merciless ca
IreT, he spared neither age, sex nor reSpecta-
lility. told how had slain one after a des-
rerate fight. IShOwed one scar, where had
run jack-knife into my hand when boy.
My success aStoniShes and daZZleS me.
These innocent British maidenS are so hungry
for stories of this description, it is unkind to
denythem. / am now a hero. | retOuch and
re-embtllish the tale for every new party
Eventually am to bring out grizzly and an
InIi1n-SI11n Sinula hot rJ,n-
little fictiOns are juStifable. They amuse,
they interest, they are expected. The end
JuStitieS the means.
The American of the further West. in the
respectful bic British imagination. is a reckless,
biOOdthirSty, impetuOuS, vindictive being
hung with SiX-ShOOterS and bowie knives
Seated between two gentlemen one evening
at social gathering, the conversation ran
thus:
You are an American"
am an Americana Californian"
All! ard il is true that your people on the
frontier have 50 many rows
much that is said is true
And have you ever killed man.
started: | thought there was an intent to
quiz me. No. The QuerlSTS were two honest,
Innocent. English artists, who deemed That
nearly everything in the universe worth know
ing OF seeing was 20 be found in London, and
that all humanity living without The happy
blessed boundaries of England led a vague,
Wretct ed sort of existence.
heSitated in my answer. Perhaps one of
I he gentlemen miStOOk that hesitation for the
mCmentary confusion of remOrse, as memory,
Heltated 10y such question, ran over its long
list of victims. He apOl0giZed. | sad then
that had never killed anybody. / do not
: hink Was believed. My delay in answer
ing, and my apparent confusion, however,
raised me in their estimation. They now
held me as a western desperate, too modest
TO confess his crimes. The English have quite
a passion for the Occidental rufiian.
l saw now SO wildly how great had been nv
neglect to have lived full sixteen years in the
toughest, widest, most laWleSs camps in Call
,oTnIa wi without killing at least one man; to
Seml-Weekly Institution; where every one
went "heeled" with derringeTS knives and re
xolLerS; where the great pier-glaSs behind
the bar at the Long Tom SaO0n was trebed
in value by the bullet hole in it, sent hither
during controversy between Dr. B. and the
sheriff. now mOurned neglected OppOrtu-
titles: | eoTld not truthfuliy say: Il, too,
have slain a Peruyian,'
But there is a great deal of shooting and
cutting among Your people," remarked the
gentleman.
perceived that these men were hungry for
d meal OF wild, western bloody fiction. 1t was
cruel to deny them.
said: Certainly. We shoot much. We
shoot often. We shoot socially. If, for in
in the rifle saloon, and the conversation flags,
and things are generally dull, nothing is
more common than for gentleman to get up,
stretch himself. draw his revolver, cock it,
sell another royal Bengal tiger of the southern
mines.
Then are heard ten or twelve short, sharp
reports. The lights are blown out by the con
cusSiOns. The rival Bengal tigers shoot about
at random, in the dark, and hit everybody
else save themselves. The unhurt portion of
The company scramble behind the bar and
under Il e billiard tables, and cry out, Don't
shoot this way When the barrels of both
reyOlverS are emptied, the cOmbatants clinch
and, as they imagine, cut each other all 20
pieces with bowie knives; although, when
lights are brought, it turns out to be some
body else. Then the two royal BengalS shake
hands, fraterniZe over a drink, and 20 off to-
gether 10 the g unsmith's to get their pistols
and We unded. There is great deal of talk
over the affair several days. The bodies are
kept until Sunday. Then there is a splendid
funeral. The Odd Fellows, the Masons, the
mill AIRY companies and the temperance So
cletleS all turn cut with music and banners
TIE Sunday school children, dressed in white,
appear In the procession, singing, There is a
happy land. far, far away etc.
THE minister breaches a very affecting
disc curse, and is very careful not to say any.
thing which may wound the feelings of the
two Bengal tigers, who stand in the front pew
overlooking the collins, as chief mourners,
hOldingtOgeiher by their left hands the same
hymn book, while they sing out of it, while
the right OF either graspS his revolver, ready
To send ball through the clerical Organi-
SPtion should he say anything in the funeral
81 mon personally offensive to them. Every.
ttQdy for twenty miles around comes on horse
fbsek and i'll buggieS. The saloons and shops
40 good business, and the day commonly
winds up with a grand ball and supper. All
The Young ladies are proud to dance with the
two Bengals, a the young men envy them
ard resolve to Kill somebody at the first con-
yenient opportunity. Before morning there
are probably tv or three more fatal ARRAYS -
aid so the life and excitement peculiar to our
nee, easy, unconventional society is SuS-
aimed from month to month and year to
year.
hen all this is over, a subscription is
generally set on foot in the camp for erecting
m0nume nts over the graves, and when the
me ney Is all raised, the man to whom it is en-
ma bes, and there he falls in with old friends
and drinks. sprees and CANDLES all the money
away. III he comes back and makes confess
SIGN. ether We blow the top of his head off, or
We say, No matter. If you had good time
il is just as well. Bob, Jim and Tom will rest
quite as easy without any monuments Then
We put over them cheap wooden tomb
stone. with pretty verse painted on it. These
bear dS, after a few years, rot away at the
In our camp burying ground, rub against
them and knock them over, and finally we
gather and split them up for stove kindlings"
They liked this sketch of California life
They reli>hed it. They picked its very bones
clean.
AT certain social gathering the name of
Joaquin Miller was introduced.
Miller has been engaged in some ARRAYS
suppose, said gentleman to me.
| said, He has slain many men,"
burden Miller with every sort of crime.
1t does him no injury, here. A little blood
gives his poems game relish.
DO you know Miner?" he asked