Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-08-15
HunlOr'.
A great tail bearer-A peacock.
Hop prospects Balls to come.

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A great tail bearer-A peacock.
Hop prospects Balls to come.
Every cat has a fur coat and every
dog pants.-PoSt
The mosquito, ike charity, begins to
hum.-Chicogo Inter Ocean.
The direction, c. Old, was. explained
by a New York 'gamin' to mean:
Come Immediately Down.
Fashionable mother: ''Maria. I'm al
most discouraged; how many times
have | told you not to say later, but per-
tater?"
Domestic Observation-Disclosures Selec-
ton: marrying for love. Struggle for
Existence: marrying without money
Punch.
Il like to make sponge cake she
said, innocently; Sit makes nv hands
so clean. Boston Transcript.
1t is the silent watches of the night
that render alarm clocks necessary.-
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Russia finds nearly all her dreams of
absolute power in Eastern Europe Dis.
raellzed.-C Cincinnati Commercial
Any man pays too much for his
whistle when he has to wet it fifteen or
twenty times Saturday Night.
If a hole made in wall by cannon
ball Is called 4 breach, would two such
holes make Il pair of-oh! good gra-
cious
Husband l must have some change
to-day. Well, stay at home and take
care of the children; thatwill be change
enough for one day.
As they passed gentleman whose
optics were terribly on the bias, little
Dot murmured: "Ma, he's got one eye
that don't go."-Swacuse Times.
"Will you please insert this obituary
notice." asked an old gentleman OF a
country editor; ''the deceased had a
great many friends about here who'd be
glad to hear of his death"
An Indian girl made 5000 dollars last
year raising broom corn. How much
better than raising 4 family in fear of
the broom handle.
Inspeaking of a baby ladies often ex-
claim: cob isn't it too sweet for any
thing?" This is all a mistake. No baby
is too sweet for paregoric.
Bachelors, it is ascertained, do not, as
a general thing, live SO long as married
men. This calculation excludes mar
ried men with red-headed wifes.
There are so few marriages to per-
form nowadays that the clergyman
should offer chromos to encourage par
ties to enter the state of matrimony.
Lady giving an apple to little boy):
"Give this apple to the one of us three
here whom you think the hands0mest."
The boy looked for moment al all
three ladies, took the apple and-ate it.
Il should just like to see somebody
try to abduct me" said Mrs. Smith at
the breakfast-table the other morning.
"H'm so should, my dear-so should
l." said Mr.. Smith with exceeding
earnestness.-Bufalo Express.
"The cat in Gloves" said Franklin,
catches no mice" Indeed no; not
she. When the cat is able to wear
gloves she can afford to buy her mice,
ready dressed and cooked. Bully for
the cat in gloves.-BawlingtOn Hoackeye.
A boy at school, on being asked to
describe kitten, said, "a kitten is re-
markable for rushing like mad at moth
ing whatever, and stopping before it
gets there. Judy.
"He's man after my own heart, :"
exclaimed an impulsive young lady,
some time since. "Pshaw !" exclaimed
her practical old father, "He's q man
after the money your Uncle Jacob left
you ?"
Why pay 500 for a phonograph,
when 81 so judiciously invested in ice
cream, the coming summer, and two
bushels of turnips in the fall for a mar
riage certificate, will give you q life
lease on q talking machine that never
requires any tin foil on the cylinder
escapement? Young man, these are
times for the practice of economy, and
you should reflect. Chicago Post
Miss Nellie Dagget has opened bar
Der shop in Boston, and the excitement
Is intense in consequence. She is pref
ty and neat, and it is Il welLknown fact
that women can shave far better than
men can, if they set themselves about
it. The young men of the locality
have their hair cut several times a week,
and are thinking seriously of the needs
of their eye-teeth and gums. The old
men are having their faces and chins
nearly shaved off, and are using hair
restoratives with prodigality really
frightful.