The Worthington advance., 1878-10-17
miscellaneous Items.

Aiscellaneous Items.
Egypt is the place for juvenile excar
sions. A boy can always find bis ''mum.
my" there.
A burgler broke into a New Jersev
house, devoured quantity Of mince-nes.
and dropped dead at the gate. Never
theless, pass that pie.-Detroit FREQ Press.
"Dere was only leedle difference be-
tween u.s." said q burly Teuton who had
Just hossewhipped another. II was o.
hided und he vas cowhided-dot's all."-
Pluck.
They pulled the boots off man before
they buried him in Deadwood the other
day, causing the local paper to come out
in severe article denouncing 'extrava-
gance at funerals"
An old granger, who came irto town
to purchase piano for his daughter,
asked the agent if he hadn't one with
handle in the end, "so we can all give it
turn once in q while."
A clergyman who was recently called
up to hold services in the state prison at
Sing Sing, prefaced his remarks to the
prisoners by saying that he was 'glad to
see SO large number present"
An editor with nine unmarried dauph-
tiers was recently made justly indignant
by the misconstruction his Contemporaries
put upon his able leader on "Tte De.
mand Tor Men."-Burzington Hapkeye.
There isn't much difference between an
old Roman soldier and cannibal who
has Just dined on nice young female
Missionary, tor the former was a gladia-
tor, and the lat tel is glad-he-ate-her toe.
Editors like brevity, bnt man who
was recently hung in Indiana suited them
too we'll. He made no remarks abont
heaven, but nodded to the preacher and
said: I'm see you LATER" and then the
trap fell.
The Norristown Herald wants to send
the ninc-wived man to Jail for $50 years
because no fair-minded gentleman would
try to make q corner in wives until DR..
Mary Walker and Mr.. Tilden had each
secured one.
A Chicago girl left Cape May the other
day wearing five different engagement
rings. She goes in for troy weight in
stead Of love, This is one of the D-Troy-t
Free Press weightiest jokes.-Ne,o York
Commercial Adoertiser.
A lecturer, addressing a mechanics
institution, contended that: cart could
not improve nature,' when one of the
audience set the whole assembly in a
roar by exclaiming: ''How would you
look without your wig2"
Fussy and partially deaf officer, ip-
specting stables: "Ah, Smith, what on
earth have you been cleaning your har-
ness with9" Smith: 'Nothing, SIR
Officer: "Ah, then don't do it with that
again; see how it rots the leather.
Fun.
The cooks in Boston have struck fryer
Graphic. Their interests were
probably at steak.-Boston Post. That is
we'll rstewed.--Commerc,a Bulletin
Tho business, in fact, being over-done
and good situations rare.-Boston Aduer-
tiser.
They are working political conundrums
at London Minstrel shows. This goes
we'll with the audience. Onn of the cor.
ner men asks: "How could you conver,
MIR. Gladstone into a G Conservative" 'The
reply is: "Spin him round and round un.
til he becomes Dizzyv
When BENJAMIN Franklin arrived il
Philadelphia he calmly walked up the
street with loaf of bread under his arm
But he couldn't do it nowadays. Some
! body would steal his bread before he got
half block away from the river.-Phizo
deIphia Chronicle.
Apoem commences, "Under the willows
he's lying" He must be tramp. They
covered lying under an axle-tree the oth
er morning. The owner of The wagor
made him wheelright round and leave
Norristoaon Herald.
From Scotland Yard Sergeant: How'E
this, Jones2 What do you mean by COM
ing on duty unshaved?" Jones: "I'm a
growin' Of my beard, SIR" Sergeant
Then you must get up earlier and do it
Or Or. Anyhow, you must not grow ii
while on dcoty.'-Funpy Folks.
The Chicago Times assert that the pick
pockets who visited the city during tn
firemen's tournament have all drowned
themselves in disgust at the discover,
that for three days they have been ope
rating in community where every man hat
taken advantage of the bankrupt act.
That artist on the Graphic who has tn,
handling of pictures of war always ha
three or four officers in front of the mel
waving their swords and foaming at th,
mouth. Some one should tell him thai
infantry offic ers are alwas in the rear ot
the line, and they never forget their po
sitions, either.