The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-03-30
PASSING SMILES.

of the date tree } Mamma, If eat
dates enough will ! grow up to be an
almanac ' e4 ~ .NTa rs
THEODORE TnToN wears long hair,
and the, Princeton SophomOyes regret
that he was Freshman before their
time.-Fond duLac Reporter.ae4 .h@TTF
Iowa is one of the greatest States in
the country for lead, and more ten-cent
pieces are taken up in church collections
there than any place In the Union. 9nA
A CAUTIOUS Chicago lover wrote let
tiers to his sweetheart in ink that would
speedily fade out, 50 that when she de-
sired to use them in breach Of promise
suit they would be only blank paper. s
Ir was a rich manufacturer of New
Jersey who said to his guests: Ladies'
and gentlemen, after the grapes W
shall have beefstake and masharoons,
and then venison, straight from Venice"
In the species with which we are best
acquainted-namely, our OWL am far,
says writer, even MS an observer of hui
man life, from thinking that youth is !
the happiest season, much less the only
happy one. % aiail59f
THE wise man makes equity and jus 6
tice the basis of all his conduct, the
right forms the rule of his behavior,
Difference and modesty mark his ex- +
terror, sincerity and fidelity serve him
for accomplishments. - ~ 8
! TEACHER WITH READING CLASS
Boy (reading) -"'And as she sailed down
the river" Teacher-"Why are ships
called she ?" Boy (precociously alive to
the responsibilities Of his SEX" Be-
cause they need men to manage them"
/ A -YEAR-oLp, who was found put
ting himself outside Of various good
things at rapid rate Just after complain
ing OF inward gripping, said to his woii-
dering parent that he "ldidn't mean To +
leave any room for that stomach-ache. "'sav
| A CANDID Kentucky editor advances
the suggestion that a special tax Of five
dollars on each pistol owned in the State
would beat the bell-punch plan for tax
alton all hollow. He wants to tax 'em 3
by the barrel, instead of by the drink.
THE COCK AND THE SUM-
cock sees the sun ms he climbs up the east; ar
Good morning, sir Sun, IT'S high time you APP
I've been calling you up for an hour at least; !
I'm ashamed Of your sowne@ at this time Of
ycari" -sifA rAf 1871 Pr lME
The sun, as he quietly rose into view, sga94 ~
Looked down on the cock witha show OF hne scorn;
That Tsse once or twee 'SIo,s Eog S 1T we're
IT. joaquin Miller knew that the earth
is only visible to the moon, Mercury,
Mars and Venus, out of all the myriad
denizens of space, perhaps he wouldn't
wrap himself up in q scarlet blanket
every time he goes out for strut down
Broadway.-Breakfast Table. 'st''' r. e
Now, boys, cut this out and leave it
on your fathers plate at breakfast time
A Cincinnati man, named Sullivan,
dropped dead from aneurism Of the
aorta, the result of exertion and excite
ment, while in the act of chastising his
\ son.--Jersey city Epening Journal. ,s-.e.r
IT has been discovered at the station
houses that there are sixteen, different
methods of spelling the word soup. All
of them have p as one of the essential
elements. Here they are Soup, cupe,
supe, soop, soape, soupe, coupe, sewp,
Z, coup, sup, sup, snep, supp, sowp, supp.
! The fog has its uses in Paris. Two SER
wants were heard conversingj one said,
"What fun that fog wasl" How 90 2
answered the other. Because" re-
turned the first, 7" all the time ] spoke
to my master kept my hat on, and when
he answered me stuck my tongue. out at
him." 49,
i UP in the loft the old man kept d keg
of the very best. The carpenter who
had been working on the first floor was 2
found in the loft and he tried to fool the
old gent by saying that he had "just
come up to measure rafter." The old
man simply winked and said, think
! you rafter my measure" ,fss..sf - ~.
The Chinese play game called tan,
in which small buttons are thrown from
box, like dice, and the players guess
whether the number is odd or even.
.. Wong All Lee was caught, in San Franc
cisco, using box that had slot to hold
button, with spring 10 arranged a.,
to drop or retain it at will. His COM
panions cut off his cue. s. -. -. -
A DANBURY man recently went to
, see friend in an insane retreat He
stood moment before fine locking
man he had seen before at the institu-
, ton, and inquired his name, Julius
Cesar, sir" said the lunatic. s"Why,
YOU were Alexander when / was hero
, before, were you notT ooh, why. yes,
! but that was by former wife," said the
crazy man, not at all disconcerted.
The frequency of attempts to break
the wills of persons who die in New
: York calls from one of the newspapers
, the suggestion that :" any person who
thinks Of making an eccentrlst will, had
! better give over the notion. 1t would
/ be much more straightforward and
! answer the same purpose to leave the
money direct to the Bar Association Or
! to the Judges, to be divided among the
' leading counsel" r A@ea Y
+ A rEMpERANoE reformer, having
Y heedlessly set foot upon rattlesnakes
sped to a saloon and quaffed quart OF
, whisky at a single draught, which OBJ
9 serving, the bystanders jeered him for
his inconsistent conduct, Nay nay,
/, fellows" quoth he, you overlook an
essential point of difference b6tween M
r Lwhile drink becauseI have seen .
y snake, you see snakes because you
4 hayedrunk." Moral-Whatsone snakes
+ potion is another mans drink.
! WHEN the late Bishop Of Oxford was
e travelling eastward to attend the church
y congress at Norwich, a lady sitting OPP
Is positc to him commented in fattering
q terms on the eloquence and ability Of
20 AZ $500 Au~lscon divine. anita I'M