The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1877-1885, 1878-10-03
Social Ceremonies.

At bottom, the social forms of all
civilized nations are based on the grand
principle of mutual good will. and of
doing to others as we would that
others should do to us. There
must be a reciprocity, both of
fOrbearance and of active kind
ness. The French have a proverb,
"A pleasure conferred deserves an
other in return and in popular Ian
guage, pleasure has a wider sense than
the mere dictionary meaning, stretch
ing 80 far as even to include a money
precept. When once the mutually
basis of p~oliteness is admitted and
adopted, the rest will ever be a queS-
ton of degree, to be regulated by the
by the sliding scale of time and oppor-
tunity. Hence, cases, anecdotes, and
illustrations, are better guides to the
true spirit of all ceremonial, than any
codes of abstract rules.
Common sense aud ready tact can
alone prevent people from commit
ting plumbers and improprieties. If
from the sublime to the ridiculous
there is only one step. who does not
feel that there is only half a step from
civility to a%ffectation, from kindness
to familiarity, from pleasantly to sar-
casm, from dignity to stiffness, from
unreserved to rough behaviour, from
cheerful fun to boisterousness?
Whoever keeps on the right side of
the boundary, and, by long usage or
or by natural instinct, not only does
what he ought at the right time and
place, but absolutely and completely
refrains from everything that would
compromise him, may fairly claim the
title of a well bred DprSOn
In manners, as in diplomacy, excess
of zeal is a great mistake; in none of
its shapes should politeness ever be
overdone. Set compliments are dam
gerous things to handle. They may
be offered in all sincerity, and yet
nave a very e%quivocal sound. An old
adage, says "All men are equal be-
fore Politeness,' which is certainly a
great mistake. On the contrary, cere
monial pOliteneSs recognizes and reg.
ulates the inequality of men and wo-
men. 1t gives unto Caesar the things
that are Caesars, and to the UNDERLINE
the things that are the underling's. Il
is as strict as Portia, in the matter O.
the pound of flesh; it forbids the tax
ing of a hairs breadth more or les:
than the pound written in the bono
and due to the claimant. 1t meet
out its awards with an iron rule. Thi
is your right and that is yours; her
is his place. and there is theirs. n,
cavil, dispute or discussion is possible
still less pleading for indul sence an,
favor.
A far truer maxim is "small present
help to maintain friendship WI
of us is not pleased with a tasteful lit
tie present, gracefully offered on
timely occasion? Everybody, like
liberality in others, however rarely i
may practice it himself. 1t is the az
cepted excuse for prodigals, and h;
softened many an i~nsolvent's fall. A
awkward and a naughty fact is tn
people who are generous before the
are just, are more popular than tho
who are just before they are generou
A youthful miser willnot have
friend.
Between friends and equals, it is
rule that presents should be of trihiI
value; when such is not the case,
should be the workmanship rath
than the material which renders the
valuable. To superiors, only one XII