The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-04-13
VARIETY.

Why are heavy showers like heavy drinkers?
Because they usually begin with little drops.
Debt says Josh Billings s. a trap which
sets and bats himself, and then deliber-
ately gets into"
Young men, says the Worcester Press,
should pattern after pianos-be square, up
right, grand" But should never B Flat enough
to permit themselves to be " played upon.
While growing at her husband last Summer,
woman in Chicago was struck by lightning and
instantly killed. Ladies should paste this para
graph in their hats.
An exchange asks, ''Why is it that editors
never commit suicide?' We have Investigated
this subject little and think 1t is because the
druggists won't sell strychnine on long time.
Two EPrrAPHs-In Chatham churchyard by
husband on the death of his wives On the first
-ss The Lord gave and the hath taken
away, blessed be the name ,-e Lord" On
the second-s'I called u 20 lie Lord and He
heard me and del u me from all my
troubles.
A newly arriy ii family was lately gazing at a
shop window in Rockford, Ill. Little girl" Oh,
Mamma is that a 'en? ?' Mamma" No, my
child, that is how'll Father No, my wife
and daughter, that is neither en- or a howl !;
but it is a heagIe, the emblem of this blarsted
country
Wives of Great men all remind us
can make wives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us
Widows worthy Of our time.
Therefore give your wife a send of
By the Life insurance plap-
Tax her that when you end of,
che can scoop another man
The genius of the Cincinnati Saturday Nlght
Ts the only man in the world who has been able
to discover rhyme for Constantinople Thus
Let Engzrd anchor ships of war
In front of Stamboufs walls,
v And let Russian bear
Respond to Turkey, call!
saying, Don't each others tow pull,
About that ancient village town
Called ConstanIinople"
y man from the lower walks of life entered a
drug store yesterday and inquired the price OF an
ounce of arsenic. Being informed, he drew a
paper from his pocket, consulted some figures
and said
That's two cents more than they asked me in
Chicago"
''Well, those are my lowest figures replied
the druggist.
The man took out stub of a pencil, figured
for three or four minutes and eagerly observed:
- It's time TO practice economy and might as
well begin here. Two cents on an ounce is 81
cents on pound 30 cents on a pound is So
on a hundred-weight, or Sc 400 on a ton. Great
heavens but do you think L would recklessly
throw away Sc, ,4O0?'
The druggist could make no reply and the man
looked terrible indignant as he went out
That HEATHEN CHINEE.-The latest proof of
the Chinamans Availability to American ideas
(says San Francisco paper), and his disposition,
having come east, to grow up with the country,
was afforded last night; Messrs Bisagno and
Recarte, money brokers, Kearney street, will testify
to the fact. Chinaman called on them last night
and presented a 20dOl. piece. He wanted half
dollars first, and received roll containing 40 of
them and 20 cents extra for his trouble He left,
but almost Immediately returned. and placing on
the counter what he hoped might be taken for
the identical roll, whispered with chid-Iike
emile, 90 me like trade dollars The officiating
broker proceeded to open the roll, and grasped
; the pigtail of the celestial as he was making
swiftly for the door, for the roll contained
section of lead pipe The bright but ill-starred
Protege of Rev. Otis Gibson is now in the City
prison. People having any of those 's Christian
influences = to spare invited to call here and
try their effect on him.