The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-10-17
A Figuratire Writer.
Washington Republican.

in the face from suppressed indignation
and the unusual efforts incident to
climbing several flights of stairs, entered
the editorial rooms. He took seat, and
after mopping his brow, drew from his
pocket piece of manuscript written on
greasy paper, with the remark, "That
may not be quite strong enough, Mister,
but guess It will do" The attache
took the manuscript and deciphered
the following: ss,E9 ha
There is man who calls himself
Richard Simpkins, who is a dead beat.
We never met meaner skunk than him.
He lives in an atmosphere of corruption
and contumely which would make hog
sick, We advise our readers to hold ]
their noses when they go by him. His
last operation was to beat the widow
Murphy, who keeps boarding house.
on Tenth-street, out of two week board.
He is wretched liar. and ought to be,
sent down by Judge Walter. We have
got our eye on him"
AS l said before" remarked. the
visitor, " it amt very strong, and if yqp
can shine it upa little, you are wef
come"
The attache hummed, and suggested
the fault of the article was not in its
lack of strength, but there were other
Objectionable features. 1t might. be
modified little.
For instance" he observed, while
interlining the article with his pencil,
instead of saying he was dead beat,
it could be toned down SO as to read
"Mr. Simpkins, of this city, it is salleged,
obtains living from the world without
returning proper equivalent"
Equivalent He don't return red
cent, but l am willing to let it go in that
way"
Them" continued the attache, it
isn't just the thing to say we never
met meaner skunk than him. First
place we never met him at all-dor't
know him; never heard Of him. Now
you might polish it up, and say a
more parsimonious animal is seldom
met >"
ssWell," replied the visitor in disgust,
81 like the skunk business better, but !
| won demand that that be printed"
| Then, to say that he lives in an at
mosphere of corruption and contumely
which would make hog sick strikes us
as reflection upon his. present board
ing-house, providing that he has one,
which we are not prepared to make
without having the proofs at hand. )"
The visitor looked at the attache as
though he felt sorry for him, and then
observed: .. .f..,
"Young fellow, that don't refer to
his boarding-ho That's fgurative.
You understand? That means that he
isa-he is a Iar-and a thief, which he
| is"
The attache being unable to see it in
that light, the visitor resignedly con-
sented to have the sentence stricken
out.
"sWe advise our readers to hold their
noses when they go by him. Now it
would be impudent for us to print that.
We haven't anything to do with our
readers noses. They manage their own
noses. If there is any right guaranteed
to an American citizen tbs the privilege
of supervising his own nose. i would
be an upwarranied intrusion into their
personal affairs on our part.
! Suppose you say, Persons who
value their noses would do we'll to hold
4 tbono concealed in their hands whom
thev mss NJ S;mnk;ns as If il stated
that he has annronriated the noses Of
several neonle who carslesslv LET them
lie aronnS WHARF he could oct hold Of
/ he M
81 That amt what I mean. Don't Won
undarstand9 Hold their noses i;ke
this@liIe folks hold their noses when
thew on bv 4 onaro warehouse. =,
Sohl + see Then we had better
make II read. Eve are informed on good
authority that Mr.. Simpkins actually
smells had ~ II - :
0No. no: Jerusalem, nor, screamed
the visitor in desperation. " He don't
!, smell bad. leastwise never smelled
him. You, don't catch my idea. That
is figuratiye." -
The attache suggested that it would
be better to use facts and not figures,
and in that way avoid ambiguity, and
the author finally consented to have
the whole sentence stricken out.
4"' Heis q wretched liar and ought to
be sent down by Judge Walter Now
YOU see you have made a mistake again.
There is no law: in this district against
being a wretched liar, and it would look
foolish for us to recommend a Judge tC
n send man down for that.,,a
NJ "Send him down on general prin
i ciples,o suggested the visitor.
j tThen we haven't got our eve ON him
ii We have to use our eyes in our bust
u ness"
i "That's figuratiye,o remarked ths
ii listner.
II The attache finished interlining tn,
i manuscript. and read the naraprspb a,
j amended to the visitor. as follows:
) "Mr. Simpkins, of this CITY. it is al
{ legged, obtains living from the worl(
y without returning q proper equivalent
{ A more narsi imonious animal Il seldom
s met His last operation was TO heat th
s widow Murphy. who keens a boardino
e house on Tenth-street, out of two weeks
o hoard. He is a wretehed liar. but a
!, there is no law against lying, Judg
e Walter ought to send him down o
general principles, and let his friend
get him out on a habeas corpus. In
fgurative sense, we have our eye o