Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-14
Wit and HumOr.


Wit and HnmOr.
An editor in Cincinnati, putting air
tight collins, said: mo person having
tried one of these collins will ever us,
any other"
"Cuffy, is that the second bell p
mo, massa. dat is the second ringing
of the fuss bell. We hasn't got any
second bell in this hotel"
They have found tree in the Yosem
ite Valley that measures over one hun
dred feet around the butt, and it is pro
posed to make q chair bottom of tho
butt and present it to David Davis.
An exchange speaks OF "wooder
shoemakers." Should think wooder
shoemakers wouldn't work. There
would be no satisfaction in pitching
into wooden shoemaker If he failed
to have your boots done ON Saturday
night according to promise.
Swartzmeyer to his wife: CHOW. sec
here, mine lof, better US you had
Johnny let u leetle op Won dat candy
eaten obber the first thing you DOM
know, he hat some toothache in his
teeth, und haf been skwallin' around
all night NIT der cholera morbus in his
jaw-dsnt it ?'-Ou City Derrick.
WHAT He HAD TO SAY.-"Prisoner
at the BAR said the Judge, lis there
anything you wish to say before sen.
tence is passed upon you ?" The pris.
oner looked wistfully toward the door,
and remarked that he would like to say
good evening"" if that would be agree.
able to the company. But they wouldn't
let him. -Hawkeye.
He took his seat at tho table and
peered around at the rest Of the board
ers with a shaggard, half-starved look;
then. calling the waiter, he deliber-
ately said: I'm from Memphis-have
just recovered from the fever, and am
very hungry. Bring me everything
you've got" In about two seconds he
was alone at the table, and if he didn't
get one good "square meal it wasn't
because the other boarders interfered
with the onward march of his intrepid
appetite. Richmond State.
Among the papers Of young man
who was recently married in Bradford
was found the following scrap, to wit:
Things to be done this afternoon
before the wedding.
Get some keys to fit valise.
Engage carriage for train.
Get license to marry.
Get shaved and hair trimmed lit
10.
Sew buttons on black breeches and
get pair Of suspenders.
Buy bottle of perfumery.
Be sure to wash feet we'll.
A BOYS DEFINITION OF BoY.-A
Norwich teacher was practicing her
youthful class in original composition
yesterday, and gave one pupil the SUBJ
joct boy" to write upon. The SUBJ
ject was to he treated of in three parts
first, what is it second. what is it's
use ? and third, what is it made of ?
The lad wrest.ed hard for few min
utes in desperate perplexity, and then
wandered up to the teachers desk radi.
ant with enthusiasm, and submitted the
following: "A boy is an animal; his
use is to carry wood; he is made of
bones. "-Norpich Bulletin.
EASY ENOUGH TO Do.-Mr. Edison
contemplates the invention of wall
paper which will absorb and store up
light during the day, and throw it of
at night, lighting the room for several
hours. That's all very we'll, but can a
fellow turn it of, or blow it out, or in
any way suppress it ?--Iater Ocean.
Certainly; Edison has another inveu.
ton for reducing darkness to an almost
impalpable powder, by uncorking q
vial OF which any room may be made
instantly dark, and kept dark until the
rising sun shall precipitate the dark.
ness again.-0raphic.
A BAsH RUNoR.-Some journals are
making themselves ridiculous by saying
that our Old friend Zach Chandler il
thinking seriously Of religion. The
grand old Michigander scorns any such
insinuatiOn. He considers thinking
a. the Rejected Addresses make Byron
AN idle waste Of thought" As for
religion, Zach regards that - pertain
ing exclusively to the pulpit, and so
long as he pays his pew rent he consid.
ers it all right. We expect to meet old
Zach in Heaven, ON account Of his
many generous acts on earth. And
sneu wS arc notseuoO tuot II, On Tue
great day Of judgment, he will le. %
that speech about the British liop, Zoe
devil won't have him at any TGies.
Warrington C4psasj.
The wheat crop il set BY the Atricul-
tural Bureau ct l6O. 000. 600 bushels, the
largest ever known BY 81, 900 600. and
adording 1OO. GOO. 600 for export; corn
crop, 4, 800. 00O. 900 bushels.
The wheat crop Of Minnesota. Iowa.
Wisconsin and Kansas. in 1875 yielded
81, 900 600 bushels: in 1876, 81 ,600, 900,
and in 1877, III ,O00. 600.
London sends out By railway over
1900 Persoos employed - picksrs in
the hop districts.