The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-08-30
A WoMAN's LAP.


It's OapaCity-Especially at Picnics.
Nature, says the N. Y. Times,
never does anything without an in
telligent purpose. For example, the
eye, as DR.. Paley has demonstrated,
at great length and in the most con-
elusive manner, was made to see
with. So, too, man was furnished
with a mOustache in order that the
cracking noise made by il, when it
takes fire from a match while he is
in the act of re-lighting q cigar
stump may warn him to withdraw
his nose from the flames. In short,
the evidence that nature always has
a purpose in Whateyer abe does is so
conclusive that it may be unhesita-
tingly assumed that when she en-
dowed woman with a lap and with
held that gift from man, she acted
in pursuance of a praise worthy de-
sign.
To our shortsighted vision it may
seem that it would have been better
had man been created with lap. A
woman is never required to hold
man on her lap, while man is some
times anxious to hold q woman-for
instance, his aged and feeble grand
mother-on what is erroneously
called his lap. To speak of q mans
lap, of course, q misuse of language,
for the best anatomists agree that
he has not even q rudimentary and
undeVeloped lap. He is, indeed,
able to hold an occasional object,
provided it is broad and fiat, on his
knees, but it is unscientific TO con-
found a mans knees with the true
lap of the other sex. Nevertheless,
nature was right in giving the lap
only to women, and instead of
doubling her wisdom we should
strive to discern her real purpose.
The lap ls unquestiOnably q most
useful and admirable organ. In it's
normal state it affords ample room
for a sleeping infant, and will sup
port q child of from six to eight
years of age while subjected to the
sweet maternal influence of the
slipper. When expanded, the lap
will admirably hold fifteen quarts
of chestnuts, peaches, apples, or 9TH
er desirable fruit, and there have
been women whose Lap would hold
the entire supply of hair pins re-
quired for their back hair-though,
of course, laps of this enormous di-
mansions are somewhat rare. 1t is,
however, at picnics and tea parties
that the splendid capabilities of the
female lap are especially displayed.
1t is an easy matter for lady while
engaged on a picnic to hold q plate
of salad, another of picked oysters,
a third of ice cream, and . fourth
of cake. together with cup of coffee
on her lap, at one and the same
time. In fact, the average capacity
of the lap in such circumstances has
been ascertained to be seven dis
tinct dishes, holding an aggregate
quantity OF eleven pounds of food.
AT tea party scores of female laps
may be seen in which a cup of tea
rests in perfect safety, while the
owner carries on an animated con-
versation, and evidently has the
most perfect confidence that the tea
will not be spilled. In feats of this
kind the female lap is unique. The
young man who undertakes to hold
food on his knees, Invariably comes
to grief. The utmost that he can
do is to balance for a brief period,
plate of salad on the ridge of one
of his legs from which it sooner or
later slips, with the most painful
consequences. AS for holding a
teacup or coffee cup on his knees,
he recognizes the utter impossibility
of the thing. His only resource is
to deposit it on the floor, or on the
grass by his side, after which he
usually steps on it, or at least kicks
it over. Out of every twenty young
men who attend picnic, it is esti-
manted that twelve upset salad on
their trousers, five sit down on
plates of salad, two are scalded
with hot coffee, and the twentieth
man remains on his feet and says he
is not hungry. 1