St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-05-03
SQuibs.

Definition of a muff: A thing that
holds "A young lady's hand without
squeezing it.
Ladys maid, useful, thoroughly un-
derstand the Antics, 1.2 Years. Char
acter S. G. boulevard de PImperatrice
de Russie, 25, Maison Martin, Nice.
New York artists are discouraged.
There was time when they could pour
mOlasses and Venetian red over canvas
and sell it to the West for landscape,
but the West has learned how to do it,
and makes her own paintings nOw.-
Detroit Free Press.
A subscriber wrote to journal to
make some inquiries about the next
worlds fair, whereupon the wicked ed
itOr replied that he was under the i'm
preston that the next world wouldn't
have any fair.-Breaktast Table.
To make a monkey wrench-feed him
on the first green apples.-SyracuSe
Sunday Times.
Bayard Taylor will have "An Impos-
ible Story" in the next Scribner's. Per-
haps it will be the story of defaulter
who was not pillar of the church and
the possessor of an exalted moral char
acter.
Andrews's Bazaar says: .1t is not
true that cat always turns its tail to
the new moon. The cat has no volition
in the matter. The moon attracts its
tail as it attracts the tides" sThat,"
says the Graphic, sis just what Addison
meant when, alluding to the cat, he re-
marked that Soon as the evening
shades prevail, the moon takes up its
wondrous tail, And nightly, DER the
suffering earth, Observes its antics and
its mirth.'n
OF good family. John Bannister,
the comedian, was presented to an old
lady: proud of ancient and noble blood.
The lady asked wit of the day, who
was present "WhO are the Bannisters {?
Are they of a good family ?" "Yes,n
said the wit, Every good, indeed they
are closely connected with the Stairs"
''Oh," said the lady, ga very ancient
family of Ayrshire-dates back to 1850!
am delighted to see your friend"
A NOrristOwn fisherman caught 81
t''|>sl+ pa. RIr,0r.-4r t,ir1e-
have caught more, but he is not a very
good liar.-NOrriStOWn Herald.
Sand is so scarce in some of the inte-
riOr counties, that the people are -oblig-
ed to boil up ''new maple sugar" for
building purposes. Burlington Hawk-
eye.
Little Annie is too cunning for any
thing, and, like most little folks, she
says queer things. A few nights ago
her mother had prepared her for bed,
and kneeling by her mothers side she
repeated the Lords prayer as usual.
She had no sooner concluded it than
she repeated it again rapidly. "Annie,"
said her mother, ''why do you say your
prayer twice ?" Then the little inno-
cent looked up and remarked: "Well,
mama, feel just like praying tonight,
and tomorrow night may not !"
In nothing does the curious twist of
the Hibernian mind produce such
acutely piquant effects as in the uncon-
cious bulls of popular Irish piety. A
priest once CHANGED to hear, unpreceiv-
ed, fierce verbal onslaught by one mar
ket-wOman on another, in the course of
which every effort of rhetoric was made
to provoke retaliation, but without eff
feet. Go on, go on" at last said the
matron attacked; "you know Pll not
answer ye, because I've been to confess
sion this morning, and Pm in state of
grace. But wait till get out of it I'-
London World.
"William," began a Second street
woman one morning as she laid aside
the daily paper, "what is this new
metric system proposed by Alexander
Stevens Y" 'It's a very wise measure in
deed, my deaI, he replied. "Suppose you
want new dress costing 81 pei ward ~
Yes" "Under the metric system you
write to your father in Wisconsin fol
the money to buy it with. The money
comes; you take half of it and buy me
a new pair of pants, and then you use
the rest In purchasing fifty-cent goods
1t is very good measure, very good
"And they propose to make it law, dc
they :" 'They do" "Well, STRIP she
exclaimed, showing a red spot on eacl
cheek, "when the metric system comes
into practice in this family, divorc,
Will follow, and Alexander Stevens is ;
fool, sir, fool !"-Dstroit Free Press.
THE CUCUMBER
The cucumber graceth the festal board
Enshrouded in condiments rare,
And the epicure gleefully rubbeth his paunch
At the sight of the treasure there.
The doctor smileth sad-like smile.
And giveth a crocodile groan
And the marbleman goeth out the while
And polisheth up a stone.
The undertaken mournfully asks
What will his measure beY"
And the sexton marketh a spot reserved"
All under the willow tree.
Tis hard the times and it's scarce the cash
And so with a zestful Joy
We welcome watt to the fitful fruit
That giveth the folk employ.
st. Louis Journal
Mr.. Diffenderfer joined the blue-rib
bon brigade week or two ago. beiu,
reluctantly compelled thereto by th,
persuasions of his wife. The other nigh
however, he fell sufficiently from grac,
to participate in wine supper at tb,
Poodle Dog" AS the party passed ou
OF that capital restaurant, in decid
edly hilarious condition, one of it slyl,
took live frog from the vase in tbt,
window and slipped it into Mr.. D.,
pocket. The next morning he wa
awakened by loud shrek from Mrs
d., who had discovered said frog besid,
her on the bed. The unworthy discipIe
OF Murphy gazed at the intruder sol.
emnly moment, and said: "Tbat
must have come out of me. You So,
what comes of drinking that beastI1