Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-04-19

Archibald Gordon, of Granville, N.
c., is the father of tWenty-seven sons by
one wife.
It is a sad moment for a bachelor
when he finds his hair is so thin that he
is unable to hold pen over his ear.
He was bound to be accurate, and he
thus described the woman costume !;
"She wore a suit of something OF other,
cut bias and trimmed endwise
The horseshoe done in flowers seems
to be supplanting the time honored floral
bell at weddings. Is this to make horse
shoe-rance doubly sure in tying the knott
The Worcester Press man shudders to
think of the time when woman's dress
will consist of a shred of black silk which
she will carry in her hand at distance
from and behind her,
A countryman at the baby-shOw asked ::
Ladies and gentlemen, why is a-when
is fowerist like a wise child?" l
think perhaps" said a timid maiden
lady, "it's when he goes to bed early"
A would-be suicide wrote these fare
well words to his wife: Dear Mary,
when my body is dragged out of the river
they can identify it by the linen patch
you put in the seat Of my black cloth
trowsers,"
Never send woman to the post-Ofice
with letter. If she dosen't quarrel with
the postmaster because she dosen't see it
60 right into the mail bag, she will forget
to stamp it, read it, or else lose it before
she gets to the pOstOfHce.
Cordial but equivocal. Mamma
"Look, Cissy, here is the dear doctor
coming. What a favorite he Is See,
even the little chickens run to meet him. "
Cissy-"Yes, ma and the little ducks
cry quack quackl "
Says The Dallas (Tex.) Commercial
'The influx of the population into Texas
is unprecedented. Not only are the
trains packed with passengers, but every
by-way and highway leading into this
grand State can bear testimony to a tre'
mendOus immigration.
Eminent statisticians have calculated
that the amount of ingenuity and labor
expended by impecunious topers in get
ting free drinks would, if devoted to any
honorable and useful pursuit, pay off the
national debt in little more than six
years and eight months.
The telephone is coming into general use
in the departments at Washington, Sec
retary Sherman has one between his house
and the treasury building, and one Of the
watchmen lost his place the other day
because he wasn't at his post when the
secretary wanted to talk to him.
If you would become a millionaire
without trouble of any sort, lend some
body hundred dollars for a hundred
years at ten per cent. At the expiration
Of that time the interest will amount tC
81, 100000. IfyOu don't want to live to
collect the debt, sell it to somebody thai
does.
A fellow at a cattle show, where he
made himself conspicuous by his bluster
cried out, "Call these prize cattle Why,
they amt nothing to what our folks
raised. Ny father raised the biggest
calf of any man round our parts. "NO
doubt of it" said bystandeF, "and the
noisiest."
An humble vestryman in New Eng
land church had engaged with some
warmth in discussion with rich and
irascible brother at the vestry-meeting
Impatient at the poor brothers obsti-
macy, the rich one asked who he was
any way, that he should presume to in
terfere, Quick, and hot with righteous
wrath, came the answer u am o poor
humble Christian, you id old hypO-
critar