Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1878-07-30
SCISSOR SNIPPIN GS.

SCISSOR SNIPPIN GS.
The mosquito, like charity, begins to
Inter- Ocean.
Flying rumors-Guests who run away
without paying their hotel bills
Early fruit catches the worm. This
is reliable.-Norristoaon Herald.
Sensational young grammarians are
very apt to parse "love" as "fine night
verb"
Mrs. jerks says she will not lecture;
but Mr.. jerks says he knows better
Buffalo Express.
The fishing is excellent in the Adj
rondacks, and there are 0,0OO mos |
quitoes to one fish.-Free Press.
Grass should always be cut la
mowed.-NeaU York Nail. We can
vouch that it Is never by-us.-Butletin
When mans upper story is without
tenants, yeu will hear his mouth an
nounce the fact Whitehall Times Phi
losOpher.
If There's a man in our town who's
really wondrous wise. he'll jump into
bath-tub and stay there till he Dies
Boston Past.
We love to lie beneath the shade and
quaff the cooling lemonade, and also
feel the cheerful ants crawl up our sum
mer pants.-Er.
There hasn't been tramp sunstruck
in the United States for more than than
600 years. There is something for peo-
II Quiz fNv. ;Syin
about.-HaaOkeye,
Mr.. Stewart L. Woedford advocates
the election of congressman at large"
Too many of them are at large now
Hartford Courant.
The habit Of adultcration and imita-
ton has been carried SO far that the ar
tistic angler now goes forth to fish for
pike with soft rubber frogs.
Augustus" said Amelia, chow do
oysters get any air to breathe when their
shells are closed tight ?" "Bi-valves,"
A Wyoming man won $40 in a wager
by eating twenty pigs feet, and some
folks think he earned every cent of the
money.-Cincdnnati Breakfast Table.
A tiny humble. bee will move man
quicker and further and more unani-
mously than the biggest dose of castor
Oil ever prescribed.-St. Louis Journal.
one of the most remarkable American
exhibits at the Paris Exposition on the
opening day was Cincinnati woman
in a last years hat.-An0reaCs'S Bdzdr.
Do not draw revolvers-unless per
chance you do it by lottery Buffalo
Express. Then, of course, it's safe
Sure to be blank cartridge.-Eultetin.
An Iowa woman lost her clothes line.
"That explains it, she exclaimed, when
she found it in the stable with her hus-
band dangling at the end of it.-Eynaird
(N. ~ Advertiser.
After Edison has invented something
to take the squeak out of shoes he'd bet.
ter turn his attention to the COMPOUNDED
stairs which give fellow away when
he comes home from the lodge.
Pierre LorilIard will spend SIG, 900 in
fresc0ing his Newport house. The
prizes in packages Of chewing tobacco
will be less frequent and more fine cut
this year.-Nea0 Orleans Picaytne.
The English sparrows have destroyed
the caterpillars in the shade trees of
Philadelphia, and now the distressed in
habitants are trying to find a caterpillar
that will kill off the sparrows.- Raa0k-
eye.
One of our policemen went into the
gentlemen's furnishing business in the
Public garden on the Fourth. He col
Jared man and gave him cuff for at
tempting to pick aflower.-Boston Tom.
maercidE Bulletin.
Every once in while we hear of a
California woman killing bear. This
is all right. But we challenge the world
to ransack the pages ofhistory and show
US where a woman has ever gotten
away with q mOuse.-Derrick.
Nothing like setting a fair price on
things. Girls in attendance at church
festivals in Missouri ask 5000 for kiss
This may seem Outrageously high, but
the kisser pays only ten cents down
time.-Ffee Press
The Rev. O. B. Frothingham thinks
there are no classes and no caste distinc
lions in this country. just let him put
on last years winter suit aud straw
hat, and ask the hotel clerk to let him
have a room on the parlor floor,
that's all. He will learn something
about the infinity of distance that never
occurred to him before.-Ba~l;gton
HdsCkeye.
When the triangle had called the
meeting to order, Brother Gardner arose
with his usual sickness and said
"Gem'len, if it wasn't for de wheels
on Vaughn de Vaughn wouldn't move.
When de wheels am on, den what?"
"Grease!" solemnly exclaimed the
old man Toots.
"K-rect" whispered the president
softly, rubbing his hands together. "We
hez de Vaughn an de wheels We will
now pass de hat aroun' fur de grease
Detroit Free Press.
AS an illustration of the spirit of the
times was the following little family
scene, when bright ur-year-old little
lady was initiating her elders by play
ing making calls':-
Nov, mamma, you be Mitheth Bones
an I'll be Mitheth Smith, an tum an
make you tall"
Mamma-"Very well, Mrs. Smith
Pm glad to see you; how do you do,
and how are all your children to-day ?"
TotJy-"I'm twite well, tank you,
but the children has all dot the hoopin'
tOff."
Mamma-"I'ms sorry to hearit. How
many children have you, Mrs. Smith ?"
Tctty-"Oh, 1 has ten, and dey is a
great tyal to me wifi my houseke epin'."
Mamma-"They must be, indeed
But how does your husband, Mr.. Smith,
do?"
Totty-"He;s very well, tank you
but he has had bad dizziness, and he
hath failed"
Mammal am sorry to hear that
your husband has failed but you
haven't lost everything. For see you |
make calls in your own earriage?"
Totty-''Oh, yes; teep my tarriage,
We have paid one cent on dollar, an
dozs right on"
The above is fact.-Boston CONNER
cinZ Balzzefi11.