The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-04-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

|
words.
Foop observation-disclosures eaten
late at night.
THE cornerstone of grain elevator
was laid recently with mazeonic cere-
monies.
"MUMMY CLOTHS" are advertised. We
| suppose they are intended for Pharaoh
| tables.
OHl-When man has no bills against
him he feels as though he belongs to tho
nobility.
Now Is the time for spring cleaning.
If you have not got spring, clean out
your well.
SAID a philosopher, "My friend con-
Quoted his future wife to the altar-and
there his leadership came to an end"
IT was said of certain Judge that he
was so reserved in his manners that one
would never suspect that he had any.
"THoU art so near and yet so far" as
the burglar said when he admired the
valuable watch in the jewelers. window
SUNDAY-scHooL teacher-"A And why
did Aaron make golden calf ?" Sharp
child" Please, miss, because he hadn't
got enough gold to make cow"
OLD Deacon Dobson always boosted
that she was prepared for the worst,
and his neighbors thought he had got it
when he married his second wife.
A MAN being arrested for biting off
mans thumb, it was asked where he
came from. "He must have come from
northumberland, said a witty lady.
"WoULD you like to look through the
big telescope ?" asked one girl of an
other; to which the latter replied, "No;
I'd great deal rather look through q
keyhole.
60 How nicely this corn pops" said a
young man who was sitting with his
sweetheart before the fire. Yes" she
responded, demurely, its got over be-
ing green.
ENAMoRED writing master Ito young
lady pupil: 81 can teach you nothing;
your hand is already very desirable
one, and your rs are the most beautiful
have ever seen."
MAMMA: "Look, Cissy, here is the
dear doctor coming. What favorite he
is /! See, even tho little chickens run to
meet him." Cissy: Eyes, ma; and the
little ducks cry 'Quack quack ="
A NEBRASKA saloon keeper became so
affected by the temperance agitation
that he promised to reform, SO he put
out sign, lowing to the cause of re-
form all 15-cent drinks will hereafter be
sold for 10 cents"
The mother-in-law finds defender in
the San Francisco Mail, which says,
eff Adam had had mother-in. law to
look after him and his wife, it is more
than probable that to this very day we
might have been all resident in one gar
den."
AN agricultural contemporary wants
to know "how we can teach boy bust
ness habits better than by giving him
an opportunity to run hennery." We
don't know, unless You try swapping
jack knives and things with him.
cinnod Breakfast Table.
DANCING-MAsrER =" Come, Master
Brimmer, this nice little girl says you
have promised to dance with her."
Master Brimmer ooh, please, Mr..
Pantaletti, 1 asked her in the dark, and,
now that the gas is lighted, she's so ugly
don't want to. "-LdnpOon.
JANE DFDMAN was red-haired girl,
And handsomer than she
Could not he found for ten miles round
This glorious cOunttee.
Jane courted was by Jim Malone,
And they were gong to wed;
But James hair set Jim's breath afre
And busted of his head.
To REMOVE freckles, let young ladies
battle the face with Gologne-water after
tea, and about 10 p. m. brush both
cheeks, the forehead and chin. with n
carefully-selected mustache. If this
does not remove the freckles, it will, un-
der ordinary circumstances, cause them
to be forgotten.
MAMMA, where do the cows get the
milk?" asked Willie, looking up from
the foaming pan of milk which he had
been intently regarding. "Where do
you get your tears?" was the answer.
After a thoughtful silence, he again
broke out, " Mamma, do the COWS have
to be spanked2"
WHEN Mr. Baker took to wife
bux I'm little dear,
He fenced her In with both his arms,
And whispered in her ear,
"Now do promise thee my love,
Ne'er from thy side TO go;
For like all bakers, little one, .
L daily need my doe.T
-fOnksrs Gazette.
YOUNG lady (who has selected some
nice antique for dress)-"
will please charge that moire-antique to
pa" Affiable clerk" Excuse me. miss
but my employer says your pa cannot
have any more-on-tick until he settles
his last years bill" Exit young lady
in high dudgeon.
THERE is precocious 6-year-old boy
who is wonderful on spelling and defini-
ton. The other day his teacher asked
him to spell matrimony." "M-a-tr-i-
m.o-n-y, said the youngster, promptly.
Now define IL" said the teacher.
"Well, replied the boy, CT don't know
exactly what it means; but l know
mokher'a got anorob nf a ~