Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-12-20

was almost froze with skeer,
But we ruusied up some torches,
And sarched for EN- far and near.
At last We struck HOSES and wagon,
Snowsi under a soft whit muund
pot. dead beat-but Of little Gabe
No hide nor hair was fourd.
And here all hope soured on me,
Of my fellow-critters' aid
| jest Topped down on my marrow bones,
Crotcn-deep in the snow. and prayed
BY this the torches was p,aye out
And me and I-rul Parr
Went of fiT some wood TO a sheepfuld
That he said was somewhar thar.
We found it at last a nd little shed
Where they shut up the lambs at night
We lcoEed in and see them huddled thar
SO war m and sleepy ann white;
And thar slt Little Breeches and chirped,
A. pea as ever VOC see,
81 wa I cuaw of tcrba,ker,
AID tha.' what's the matter with me.
How III / he get thIr? Angels
lie could n=ver have walked 10 that storm,
They Just scOoped dOwn and toted him
To whar it was sase and warm.
And thiuk III at saving lit child
And bring ng him 10 his own,
Is a aerned sight better business
Than Ioaing areund ths Throne.
An italian bishop, while at large dinner
party, attempted to take n silver chatting dish
in his hands. 1t was so Aot that he put it
down more rapidly than he intended. for the
divorce was accompanied by expressions from
the Athanasian creed A guest instantly
dew forth his memorandum book and began
to pencil. The bishop asked What are
you writing?" Your prayer against hot
dishes. myself may wish to use it one OF
these days.
There is something nice about the balance
Of trade. A worthy farmer who comes into
town loaded with new wheat. almost every
day goes home loaded with old rye.-[Stil-
water Lumberman.
Mn. X.-Piscatorially to young and eligi-
ble gentlemen How co You like my
daughter hands 2 They are exquisitely
shaped, he replied. "but think their skin
is rather dark. ''Oh that is not true, sx-
claimed the astonished mother they are
not dark they are only dirty
Journalism is still rude in Nevada The
editor cf the Austin EeU,IRe speaks Of the
editor OF the Reno GI,eite as that no-headed
bean pole, and this is the retort Gently,
small one. for it would be source of ever
lasting regret should we accidentally mash
the other half Of you into your boots =
The national game is still spreading Even
in some of our churches they have their
regular bass bawl every sunday Boston
Transcript.
Eli Perkins gives an account OF the con-
versatlon between a male and female idiot.
Eli does not mention the name of the wo-
man he was talking to- Louisville Courier
Journal
A select party was highly entertained one
evening by the precoclous four-year-old OF
the host The youngster attracted universal
attention by the singular movements of his
elbow. His aunt resolved to ascertain what
the little chap was up to, and in answer he
said Use crooking my elbow What are
you cro0king it for, johnny" al wants TO
det nice little strawberry on my nose"
"Why, johnny that won't make straw
berry Yes it will. aunty. cause nurse says
papa wouldn't have strawberry on his nose
if he didn't crook his elbow so much an
dess nurse knows"
do you make any reduction to a minis
ter :" said young lady in Richmond the
other week to salesman. Always. Are
you a ministers wife 2" "Oh no, | am not
married said the lady bushing. "Daugh-
ter then ?" NO The tradesman looked
puzzled. I am engaged to a theological
student, said she. The reduction was
made.
A French restaurant ''Garcon - Mon
sieur = This turbot is in a irightful state !;
it is literally falling to pieces? "Pardon
But Monsieur does not know its age or he
would compliment it on its wonderful state
OF preservation"
While at the Junction we heard good Joke
on Messrs. Mass & Watson relative to then
engaging tramp to kill all OF their rats of
which they had large surplus. His price
was 50 for the job he to be supplied with the
needed machinery and to be boarded while
the engagement lasted. He asked for a sharp
hatchet and block. but said that before he
commenced operations he would take his
dinner, of which he ate the greatest abund-
Rnce. After dinner he called for an easy
chair, and taking up the hatchet he examin-
ed the edge carefully and walked out and
seated himself at the block. Now, says
he TO the proprletors, who were eagerly watch
ing him, bring on your rats.
few weeks ago while the editor of the
WInchendon journal listened to the reading
Of an original poem on Autumn" by a vii
lage poet, the sheriff came in and read an ar
ticle on Mortgages" from the pen of
member Of the Worcester county bar. The
editor WAS SO much offended at the tone of
thelarticle that he has not printed a paper
since Turner'S Falls Reporter
Just as quick as Mr. Jones painted his
barbed wire fence blue, farmer Smiths wife
said she wasn't going TO be outdone, and the
fence around the Smith farm soon blossomed
out red pinked with white Mrs. Jones
wasn't going to have any of the Smith family
putting on airs over her, and their blue fence
was soon trimmed with gold leaf stripes
Smith trumped over by puttinga gilt ball on
every barb, and Jones, when last heard from
was planting weather-vanes, gilt horses, pea
cocks and lightning-rod tips all over his
fence and swearing he'd beat the Smith fami-
ly II he had TO put up cupola and bay
window at every post and hang a chrome
every two feet along the line.
\. had summoned a cab and was well ON
his way when the horrible suspicion that he
had left his pocket book at home on the
piano became a terrible truth. Hi, coach
ee he exclaimed, US he neared his destina-
tiOn "hold On-pull up-Iye dropped a
nifty franc piece in the straw here. Wait till
lrun over to the shop opposite aud get
candle So saying he sprang out Of the We
hicle, and was neither surprised nor dis
pleased to see the coachman whip up his
horse and disappear round the corner at a
2. l3t gait.
Rev. Robert Collier, it is reported, Is to
marry an English lady, settle down TO the
charge Of an English church, and by a strict
life eudeavOr TO atone for living in Chicago.
The announce ment having been made that
Richard Grant White proposes TO revise
Webster's dictionary We trust that the time
has now come when that interesting volume
Will be set TO music.
Wicked old man Pastor ''You know,
William, what deal you have to be thankful
for you are blessed with health and strength,
plenty OF good things TO eat, warm clothes,
and comfortable home to live in. "Blithe-
some peasant Very true, sir but do
you know, sometimes can't elp thinkin' as
ow as 1t all took ag'in in corns"
John Jackson eloped from Mutchie, Ind,
with Mrs. Decker, taking her five children
along, but leaving her husband behind" 1t
was very thoughtful of John jackson to leave
Mrs. Decker's husband behind. If he had
taken Decker along the probabilities are that
he would have made it very unpleasant for
the elopers, sooner or later. When you elope
with another man s wife it is always best, we
should say, to leave her husband behind.
Cut tins out and paste it in your hat I Nor
rlstown Herald.
Americans are not much given to titles,
but there IS a universal demand for ali Hon
est Count on election day. New Haven
Register
rheumatic resident Of Newport believes
that he has royal blood in his veins. for he
feels every inch a-king.' This must be
during a relgn.-lCincinnati Saturday Night
Lo the poor Indian When he goes home
to MS cheerless wigwam in the evening he
has no dime novel with which to while away
the weary hours no friend next door to
come in and talk politics no medical alma
macs to reads no New York papers with full
proceedings Of the rncy Vanderbilt will case
no money in a safe for masked robbers to
break in and steal-no civilized pleasures of
this kind. He simply hangs up the bloody
scalps he has captured during the day, beats
his squaw with a club, wraps buffalo robe
around him and lies down TO pleasant
dreams. If pale face comes within half a
mile OF his wlgwam, the slumbering red man
snuiis him atdf, awakes and goes out and