Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-04-19

~ ~
How SHE GAVE THE CENsUs.-When
the census-taker raped at the door OF
certain Detroit cottage on Crawford ST.,
the other day, and wondered if the woman
would set the dog on him Oh dose him
with dishwater, great disappointment
awaited him. She opened the door softly,
snuffed the air to see if it smelled of light
ning-rods and then threw it open for him
to enter.
MADAM, am making canvass OF the
city," he began.
ssAh. sit down." she replied, and as he
began opening his book she continued
'sThere are five of US in the family, and
we paid 500 down on this place. My hus-
bands name is Peter. his age is forty-two.
and he came from mean family. His ia
ther was always having lawsuits about
dogs, and his mother was the greatest gos-
siper in Elmira. Have you got that
down?'
He grunted assent, and she continued:
INV name is Alvania Sarah, and was
born in-''
II do not care to know where you was
born, madam he interrupted.
swell, l care!'' she exclaimed; ut
makes great deal of difference whether
vas born in Africa or Boston, and l
want it put down. AS was saying, was
born in Boston in 1888. Put down that l
came of good family"
MADAM, you don't understand-you-
you
ssDon't understand that came of a
good family I'd like to know of Bos
ton family that carried their noses higher
than the Rogerses Put down that my ia
ther was in the Mexican war;
''You have three children madam 70
81 haven't any such thing, sir Put
down that my mother was killed by an ex-
plosion in a quarry. Her and father were
~
s'How many children have you ma
dam ?''
''Have you got mother down 20
s'No' madame. You seen am taking
the census Of the city,
"Well," said she, giving him danger
GUS look. II had the typhoid fever at the
age of fifteen, and for weeks and weeks l
hung on the edge of the grave. bore up
as well as was able, and"
'sFive in the famlly-now many chill
dren ?'' he suddenly asked.
s:Put down that bore up!'' she COM
manded. ''And that one night when the
Of ho6
and took drink Of"
This is foreign to the subject, madam
How old are your children ?''
Haven't you put down that hung on
the edge of the grave p
s'No, madam"
AREN'T you goint to?p
s:No, madam. You see, l am simply
taking the census of Detroit. [ desire to
ascertain
You can't ascertain it here, sill ~ she
snapped. IF my sickness, which cost
over two hundred dollars, isn't enough to
go into the book, then you don't get a line
hele!s'
''Let me ask you
mo use asking for any of our photo
graphs, sir! If you get 'em anywhere and
put our pictures in that book We'll make
it hot for you! Good-day, sir-good-
day!'
He stood on the step, signing, and she
called through the door.
HMy grandfather was also bitten to death
by an alligator. but won't give you any
of the particulars You want to walk y
He passed on, sorrowfully wondering if
the next woman's mother was blown off
a bridge or carried down the river on hay
stack.
NOT IN.-':Is Mr.. Mckee IMP"
The gentleman who asked tile question
was mild hammered Individual, and re-
sembled clergyman in appearance. Mr..
Tuschen, of whom the question was ask
ed, replied in the negative.
IL think not answered Mr.. Tuschen.
ssI have not seen him for some time, and
Pm afraid wouldn't know him.
s.He's no doubt changed a great deal
since you saw him last,'' returned the
monosyllabic Tuschen.
ssDo you know where would be likely
to find him?" asked the visitor.
t'He did not say where he was going"
sis there any place that he freqnents?'
s.He is no doubt in one Of two places,
hut they're good ways from here, and he
probably would not like to be distnrbed?"
ssCan I sit down and Wait2'' asked the
gentleman.
.sOh. certainly! John, give the gentle
man chair
The gentleman waited for two hours,
and then became uneasy. Finally he
asked:
'sIs there any possibility of his being in
today"
~ think not
s'How long since he was inP'
ssSix months
How is that?"-
''He's dead
''Why the devil didn' t you say so? ,
Then the gentleman pulled out two |
quarts of hair, kicked over the table, and !
fired two damns at Tuschen. John fell off I
the office stool, struck the floor with his
school end, and made dent the shape of
two butter-crackers in the floor, and Mr..
Tuschen, remarking that ''some people
didn't know sufficient to ask for what they
wanted, - went into executive session with !
the man.
up in the loft the old man kept keg
>e Al x,or1, host The carnpntar who bad |