The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1878-12-13
Wit and Humor.

An editor in Cincinnati, putting air
tight collins, said: 'No person having
tried one of these collins viii ever use
any other"
''Cuhy, is that the second bell? ?"
'sNo, massa, dat is the second ringing
Of the fuss bell. We hasn't got any
second bell in this hotel.
They have found tree in the Yosem-
ite Valley that measures over one hun
dred feet around the butt, and it is pro-
posed 70 make 3 chair bottom Of the
butt and present it to David Davis.
An exchange speaks OF wooden
shoemakers. Should think wooden
shoemakers wouldn't work. There
would be no satisfaction in pitching
into q wooden shoemaker il he failed
to have your boots done on Saturday
night according TO promise.
SWartzmeyer to his wife: s'Now, see
here, mine lof, bettor as you had
Johnny let leetle op Won dat candy
eaten obber the first thing you don't
know, he haf some toothache in his
teeth, und haf been skwallin' around
all night NIT der chelera morbus in his
jaw-den't { it ?"-Ou City Derrick.
WHAT HK HAD TO SAY.-'.Prisoner
ct the bar" said the Judge, sis there
anything you wish to say before sen
tence is passed upon you p The pris.
oner looked wistfnlly toward the door,
and remarked that he would like to say
good evening" If that would be agree
able TO the company. But they wouldn't
let him--Haokeye.
He took his seat at the table and
peered around at the rest of the board
ers with q shaggard, half-starved look
then, calling the waiter, he deiiber-
ately said: I'm from Memphis-have
Just recovered from the fever, and am
very hungry. Bring me everything
you've got. In about two seconds be
was alone at the table, and If he didn't
get one good square neal It wasn'i
because the other boarders interfered
with the onward march of his intrepid
appetite.-Rieknsond State.
Among the papers of a young man
who was recently married in Bradford
was found the following scrap, to wit.
Things to be done this afternoon
before the wedding.
Get some keys to ft valise.
Engage carriage for train.
Get license TO marry.
Get shaved and hair trimmed lit.
tle.
Sew buttons on black breeches and
get pair Of suspenders.
Buy bottle Of perfumery.
Be sure TO wash feet we'll.
A BoXs DEFINITION or BoY.-A
Norwich teacher Wag practicing her
youthful class in original composition
yesterday, and gave one pupil the sub.
Jet boy to write upon. The sub.
ject was TO be treated of in three parts
first, what is it second, what Is its
use and third, what is it made of
The lad wrestled hard fer few min
utes in desperate perplexity, and then
wandered up to the teachers desk radi.
ant With enthusiasm, and submitted the
following: "a boy is an animal; hi.
use is 70 carry wood; he is made oI
bones. ."-NOrsOich BssLLefin.
EASY ENOUGH TO Do.-Mr. Edison
contemplates the invention Of a wal
PAPER which will absorb and store ur
Light during the day, and throw ii Of
ct night. lighting the room for several
hours. That's all very we'll. but can
fellow turn it of, or blow it out, or II
eny way suppress it2--Iafer Ocean
Certainly; Edison has another inven.
ton for reducing darkness to an almost
impalpable powder, by uncorking
vial Of which any room may be made
instantly dark, and kept dark until ths
rising sun shall precipitate the dark
ness again.-Graphic.
A BASE RUMoB.-Some journals arr
making themselves ridiculous by sayinf
that our old friend Zach Chandler &
thinking seriously of religion. Ths
grand old Michigander scorns any sucl
insinuation. He considers thinking
as the Rejected Addresses make Byror
IAN idle waste Of thought" As fol
religion, Zach regards that as pertain
ing exclusively to the pulpit, and B.
long as be pays his pew rent he consid
ers It all right. We expect to meet ole
Zach in Heaven, on account Of hi
many generous acts on earth. Ant
then we are satisfied that II, on thl
great day Of judgment. he viii let Of
that speech about the British lion, thl
devil won't have him at any price,
Washington Capital