The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-08-16
Mr. Nasty Develops a New Financial
Scheme.
CoNFEDRIF X ROADS,
{ (Which is in the State of Kentucky
Jooly 20, 1878.

y
Jooly 2e, 1878.
Yesterday I wuz perplexed. 1
he'd bin argoofD with my yoosul
ability in favor Nv an unlimited ish-
90 nv greenbacks with vue NY
making mummy easier, and givin ev-
cry man WITCH wantid it all he want
id, when Issaker Gavitt staggered
me askin wat good that wuz goin
to do him?
"Yoo promised u.s." said Issaker,
"money in plenty when we got the
silver bill passed, but I never got
hold ny dollar nv it, onless earn
ed it, and that l Good do before sill
yer wuz made legle tender. There's
money enuf now fur thoze as IL SO
.degradid ez tn work fur it, but that
amt wat finanseerin is for. Wat /
want il money that I don't acOTk for
money furnisht by paternal gov
eminent, as it were, money that
comes NV itself, you see. Don't talk
tn me ontil you kin cum in that
shape"
lade awake a whole mite ponder
in this subiick. I saw tn Wunst the
force nv Issaker's objeckshun, and
1 felt that suthin must be done to
solve this problem. at precisely
three o'clock in the mOrnin I hit it.
1t cum tn me as q revalashen, and l
went to sleep, satisfied that I he'd
solved the problem Nv finances.
This is my idee. Money was
plenty durin the late onplezantness,
becoz the government Wuz a borry-
in nv eyrybody. 1t was plentyer in
the CoHfedracy than it wuz in the
Fedrel States becoz the confedracy
wuz the biggest borryer. The
Northern farmer witch he'd a boss
that before the war, OWN to its be-
in blind and spawned, wuz with fif-
ty dollars, found that boss wuth
$500 doorin the war becoz the gov
eminent he'd tn hev it, and he'd
nothin but its greenbax tn pay for it
in. Hence the honest farmer div
vided with the honest contractor and
there wuz $500 put 8f1oat, which
wuz good thing fur the groseries
and the Photographers. The wife NY
that farmer never stopped till she
he'd cake nv French toilet sope,
silk dress and her PHOTOGRAPH, and
the farmer hisself put on broadcloth
and fine linen, and bot q trottin sui
ky. Them wuZ prosperous days.
We can't, nv course, heV another
war to git our new ishoo into circu-
lashun, but we kin hev wat will do
jist ez we'll. We kin hev internal
improvements. We kin complete
all the kanals and ralerodes that ev-
er wHz kommenst, and we kin kom-
mense iist eZ menny more ez we
chuze. For instance, the Cross
Rodes wants =
The slack-watrin NV Niger Run,
to make it available for side-wheel
steamers at all seasons Nv the yeer.
The compleeshen nv the Seces-
sionville ralerode, to lower the frate
on ticker from Louisville.
The compleeshun nv the pike tn
Boregard, to cut off the trade Nv
Libertyville.
The establishment NV an arsenal
at the Corners, and a nashinul mill
tary academy.
The immeiit bildin nv q branch
connectin the Corners with the
Southern Pacific road.
The establishment here of q nrsh-
ionul observatory, tn observe eclips-
es and diskiver plants and SIGH,
without which there can't be 10
prosperity.
The bildin of plank rode over
Davis Hills, with swing bridge
over Niger Run.
These improvements all demand
ed by the genral good, will cost not
less than three millions NV dollars,
all NV which would be divided
among the honest prodoosers Nv the
Corners, and the honest contractors
Nv which I shood be one.
Thus the money would git into
circulation, and thus it would go 8
long way toward restoring prosper
ity. Ez every other locality in the
country wood want an ekal amount,
there Good be at least thousand
million put afioat to begin with,
which Good be added to from time,
ez we need ed it.
But it wood all hev to be paid
agin p objected Bascom, which hey
in suthin is slluz objectin to finash-
ell skeems for betterin the times.
Never sed never. This money
amt never to be redeemed. 1t will
go on and on forever. When a bill
gifts old, 700 kin go and exchange it
for new one, and that for another
new one. The people win be obleeg-
ed to take it for it will be legle-ten-
der and it can't help maxim money
plenty, witch Is wat we want, now.
Pay! neverl Eff we are q goin to
pay we might be benefited for a
time, but it wood be but Temporary.
We want permanent finashel releef,
suthin that will last. A unIimitid
issoo nv money and a hbral system
nv internal improvements to git il
into cirkelsshen is wat we want
now.
Issaker wuz satisfide, and to-mor-
rer mite we meet to organize the
s'Onlimited Ishoo and Internal I'm
proYement League nv the Cross
Rodes."
Our rallyin cry will be, "Our Ca
passity for spendin money must be
ekal tn our cspassity fer prodoosin
it, and both must be onlimited."
We shell hev good times at the Cor
ners ez soon ez the Nationals carry
q Congress, and kin git to work.
hev developed the skeem for EN-.
PETROLEUM v. Massey, Finanseer.
/