Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-12-13
F. q ~ :

young man with excellent length of legs
and girl with sixteen auburn curls hang
ing down about her head. They had
scarcely settled themselves and locked fin
gers when she cautiously observed:
II s'pose they have soda-water in this
town %
II s'pose,'' he replied ''but the last
thing afore we started [ promised your
mother not to let you drink any soda-wa
ter. It's the worst thing in the world to
to bring on consumption"
She was quiet for a moment, and then
pointing to the left, remarked:
81 see that Sarah is eating peanuts. l
s'pose they have peanuts in this town.
well, yes, but your mother cautioned
me the last thing not to buy any peanuts
for you. Tho shucks are apt to get in your
wind pipe The Queen of Holland choked
to death in that way"
Pretty soon boy came along with some
fruit, and the young woman felt obliged
to say:
's1'hem apples and pears looks awful
nice.'' -r
Eyes, they do" replied the prudent low
er, shut promised your mother at the
depot not to buy any fruit for you. Them
apples look nice, but if you get the tooth
ache started on you the whole afternoon is
bursted."
The young man just commenced to take
comfort again. when she innocently re-
marked:
'sWhen came up here last summer with
Jim, he bought MORN two pounds of can
dy''
Eyes, and what was the result of it p
he demanded. 'You fell down the cellar
that very week, and didn't Jim have to
light out last winter for bursting in the
school-house door ~ sHs.E5 Il 3 "A
She got down to water, and with consid
erabl sarcasm in her voice she enquired:
81 can have drink of water, can't l?
Mother didn't say anything against that,
did she %
.sWell, no, not exactly" she slowly IT.
piled: ''but she gin me an appealing look
as the cars moved of-same as to say that
it ought to be kind OF warmish water, i
any. You sot here and I'll borrow a dip
per somewhere.
She .sot,'' and it was all of an hour ard
half before he again succeeded in getting
his arm around her.
A PUZZLED BoY.-TEe young son of
widow living on Park street entered th'
house the other day with excited step, an,
called to his mother:
"You'd better get this house all slicked
up, for there's strange man going to cali
as soon as he gets through talking witt
the grocer on the corner!"
MAN with the gas-bill, suppose. was
her indignant reply.
Not by a joyful p continued the boz.
He's all dressed in broadcloth, has a il
gold watch, looks as if he owned bank.
and he was asking nae about YOU
rs that possible? l wonder who it can
be? What did he ask?''
HE asked if you were as handsome as
ever, and if you had grown old very fast.
and if you had married again!''
.'He did Gracious! but who can ii
be?''
Il don't know, only he is good looking
and rich, and-and-.'
"And what did you tell him?''
81 told him you wouldn't marry the best
man in the world, and that it wouldn't
do him any good to come spocning
.sI'll give you an awful licking if you
don't split the rest of that woOd!'' lntel
rnpted the mother with sudden energy.
and he was run into the back yard an
given cuff on the ear as he lef, the doo,.
He leaned on the ax-helve and surveyed
the back windows in wondermebt, and b.
and by unused:
s.She is allus saying she's going to liv
for her dear children alone, but, If tbs
looks like it, then don t know the family!
T,ll tell the next man that the whole SIX
of us are on the marry for Eaters in the
cellar and posish in society,""
loot any medicine?" asked boy, en-
terIag drug store the other day. Yes
lots Of it. Whatdo you want?" inquired
the clerk. sob, if don't make any differ
ence, SO that it's something lively. Dad
is fearful bad What ails him?" asked
the clerk. 'sDunno," said the, boy; ''but
he's run down orful. He just sits around
the stove all day and mopes: be hasn't
walloped mother since Christmas.
sgmess he's going to dep
4 sceptic who was badgering a simple
minded old man about miracle and Ba
laam,s ass, finally said:-sHow is 1t posi-
BILE for an ass to talk like man z.
.sWell.n replied an honest old believer
with meaning emphasis, 81 don't see why
it amt as easy for an ass to talk ike
min as it is for man to talk like an ass y
When woman gets red spot on the
end of her nose the world charitably re-
marks that her blood is out of order; but
Just let that red spot appear on mans
nose and every Ape will declare they smell
wi,iskey as soon as they get within twenty
feet of him.
Singular, isn't it, that whep a man gives
his wife dime to buy box OF Alair pins
or gum ring for the baby, it looks about
seven times as big as when he psanks it
down on the bar for little gin and bitters
for the stomach's sake.
4 ''society'' young man says 1t is cold
.enougfs now in the evenings to walk out
with his girl and venture ON the street
vcontaining ice cream saloons.
A man can keep pair of horses much
easier than he can keep I'D umbrella.