The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-05-03
EMPORIA NEWS
FRIDAY. MAY 8, 1878.


Facts and FancIeS.
Hearing that Pennsylvania man
had got an office, the Philadelphia
Bulletin shrieks: "Has Ohio gin
out?"
There is q negro girl in Philadel-
phia " hose feet are seventeen inch
es long. There is hollow In the
ground every time she lifts her
hoof.
Alexander IL. Stevens got lost in
the United States senate chamber
few DAYS ago. After long search
he wss found seated in David DA-
vis' chair.
Mr.. who has been ia re.
tirement for a few weeks after mar |
ryfng and burying three sisters,
came MP smiling to the altar yester-
day, having begun new family.
Hug me tight is the latest arti-
Gle OF feminine wardrobe. Pain
ful and shocking as it may be TO
our nervous system, we will do our
entire duty in the premises.
Contributors will take notice that
we have already more spring poet
nv than we need. What we want
is q Imminent that Is dead certainty
on decentralization Sentinel.
Some men can never take a joke.
There was an old doctor who, when
asked, "what was good for mOsqui-
toes?" wrote back, "How do you
suppose l can tell unless l know
what ails the mosquitoes ?"
Sam johnson sold the "Vicar OF
Wakefield" for EGO and brought
Goldsmith the money. Two letters
of poor "Goldy" are now to be
seen In q shop window In London
street and the price is 100 guineas.
The twentY-cent piece is doomed.
1t always was 9 nuisance, for every
one took It for q quarter, and never
was any one lucky enough to pass
It except at face value.-Philadel-
phia North American.
Rev. John Jasper sticks to it that
tthe sun moves" We believe him.
We have seen it move q corner loaf
er over to the shady side of the
street, when no other power could
go have moved him.-HaWk Eye.
About this time do not consult a
physician as to your wife's health,
and don't worry yourself about her
going into the angel business. II
isn't wings she's after, but a spring
style hat.-Rochester Express.
A New York Court decides that
hotel and boarding-house keepers
can seize the baggage of delinquent
guests, but can not touch their pi-
amos. This will force guests to
pack their clothes in the piano.
And thus play it on the landlord. -
Danbury News.
"The sentence of the court is"
said Judge Porter, poplar Irish
magistrate, to q notorious drunkard,
"that you be confined in Jail for the
longest period the law allows; and
1 hope you will spend your time in
cursinR whisky" al will, cir, and
porter, too"
Three men in Boston, two in
Cleveland, FIVE In Chicago, one in
Philadelphia, two in st. Louis, four
in Cincinnati and twenty-three in
New York, are writing the only
authentic biographies of VIM. M.
Tweed. We were afraid this mat
ter might be OYerlooked.-Hawk-
Eye.
Among the replies to an adver-
tisement of a music committee for
"a candidate as organist, music
teacher, etc." was the following
"Gentlemen noticed your adver-
tisement for an organtst and music
teacher, either lady or gentleman.
Having been both for several years,
I offer you my services"
"You need not be afraid OBJ Civ
in too much" the old darkey said.
"If any OBJ you know. OBJ any church
wat died OBJ liberality, jest tell me
WhAr Il lie, an will make a pilgrim
age to 1t, an by de soft light of de
pale moon 1 will crawl upon its
moss-covered roof an write upon
the topmost shingle, BLESSED am de
dead who die in de Lord"
This is about the time of year
when the old man knocks off work
and tells his wife ne 1s going fish,
ing, and he leaves home in the
morning with a fishing rod and 6
lunch, and in the dim twilight he
is trundled up to the front door il
q wheelbarrow by q semi-sober CO.
adiutor, who says the old man hal
been sun-struck. Nobody evel
finds out what become of the fish,
Pittsburg Leader.
At q recent meeting q contralt'
orator, named Mrs. Clark, explain
ed how It was. al knew" said she
"when was sanctified, by this:
made my own dresses, and wheI
they didn't used to fiji got in q rag
and scolded and stormed. Nov
that feeling is all taken away, ant
/ could try on my dresses ten times
over to make them fit, and neve
get out of patience. Ny brethren
that's the test"