The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-06-21
WIT AND HUMOR.


Butchers.
MAToHLEss misery-Having a cigar
and nothing to light it with.
THE Koran forbids pork. Why, then
call its followers Mo'ham- edans ?
A SHOEMAKER advertises medicinal
boots" The virtue is in the heal.
MATE-RIA FAcT.-The Hindoo widow
is the only one that cremates. The
others remate.
IT is easy to preach, but when it comes
to practicing what you preach-sh !
there's the rub.
IT'S no wonder, as critic recently re-
marks, that "The Raven" savors of an
cient Greece. It's Poe-made.
THE strongest of pleas for passing a
bill in Parliament for marriage with a
deceased wife's sister-Only one mother
in-law.
A HOPEFUL minister says that he has
no doubt that the time will come when
the members of a church will behave
just as well as other folks.
A PHILOSOPHER says rich people, as a
rule, do not have large funerals. They
are the exclusive property of poor peo-
pie who want to be thought rich.
A CHUNK of wisdom from Josh Bill
ings-Don't despise your poor rela-
tons. They might get rich sometime.
and then it would be so hard to explain
things.
"MR. JONES, you said you were con-
nected with the fine arts. Do you mean
that you are a sculptor ?" "No, cir; 1
don't sculp myself, but I furnish the
stone to the man what does"
A BEAUTIFUL widow of Newport, r. l..
having let her chalet for the season, was
asked what induced her to desert such a
charming retreat. "Too much balcony
and too little Romeo" was her reply.
A WOMAN dreamed that her husband
would come home drunk as billed owl.
and woke up at 2 o'clock in the morning
to find 1T true. To prevent dreaming,
go to bed without supper. -Breaktast
Table.
AT 20, woman reaches for the trail
ing arbutus. At % she is after horse
radish. At 30 she digs roots for her
blood. Such is gentle spring in the
various stages of feminine hfo.-Dan-
bury NeaOs.
WHILE growing at her husband last
summer, New York woman was struck
by lightning and instantly killed. If
you wish your wife to see this particular
cut it out and paste on the
looking glass.
SPRING poetry-Her cheeks were yerv
ruddy, and the streets were awful mud
ly, and she loudly shrieked, 80 thun-
der p and her feet few out from under.
1t was really very shocking, for she
showed her striped stocking. Boston
Post.
DENTIST, to old lady about purchasing
some false teeth: "For mastication.
my dear madam, they can only be sur,
passed by nature herself" Old LADY
. Oh, laws, doctor don't care moth
ng about mastication if 1 can only chaw
With EN-"
captain, we are entirely out of am
said an orderly sergeant TO
lis commander on field day. "What,
entirely out of ammunition 81 exclaimed
he Captain. eyes, entirely out" was
he reply. "Then cease firing" per-
said the Captain.
PAUcA VERBA.-Robinson latter long
vhist-bout at the club)-"l awfully
ate, Brown. What will you say to your
yife?" Brown in Whisper" Oh, 1
hant say much, you know; Good
morning, dear, or something o. that sort.
she'll say the rest Punch.
An aged man said: eff husbands only
lad any sense they'd never have any
rouble with disobedient wives. never
I'D, an L have been married nigh onto
lfty years. What is your secret2"
sked friend. "Why, 1 always tell nv
7ife to do just as she pleases, an she y
ever fails to do it."
EYES, SIR" he remarked. "sucb
hings do happen occasionally, but it is
eldom very rare" Then everybody
aughed but the speaker. And Jones
AS moved to observe that he was re-
minded of the steak at his "hashery.
hich was often overdone, and seldom
cry rare" Then nobody laughed
hicago Tribune.
AN exchange says that "doing bust
ess without advertising is like winking
pretty girl with green goggles on"
ut the re is some little difficulty about
us statement. In the first place, man
no doesn't advertise doesn't do any
lsiness to speak of, and pretty girls are
)t in the habit of wearing green Cog
es.-Breakfast Table.
A GOOD old farmer found himself one
" with his hired boy at the farther
ID of the row, when the dinner. horn
nr1o1 A.-.,,a - 10
unit, he commenced to hoe his way
ck, saying to the boy as he did so.
do you ever think about DIV.
gp EYES," said Tom, ct think I
all die pretty soon, if 1 don't have