The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-12-19
SPACE. 4 w.T2 w.I8 WI m . m. g m. >
WHOLE NO. 1913.
Miscellaneous.

|
Many of our prominent street corners
are only stare ways.
The gander that doesn't prepare for
Christmas is goose.
Brevity may be the soul of wit, but
poetry is the soul of Whittier.
The letter D is truly an old salt-been
following the for years.
What fruit do you resemble when rid
ing on a jackass pear.
In guessing with baker, if you make
it odd he'll leaven with you.
In spite of all weather prophets, we
had Staying on Thanksgiving.
The toper's sentiment-early to ryes
taketh the cobweb out of my eyes.
What is that which brings a cold,
cures cold, and pays the doctors bill =?
A draft.
Isn't it queer how all the smoke in
stove will find its way to one little crack
and come out2
AS he tipped his glass he remarked,
"How's this for rye T'-the glass con-
| talneo nVe hngerS OF rye.
A Biddeford man by the name of Shad
has just failed. His liabilities are said to
be mere Shad-owes
There's no better anti-fat remedy than
poor whisky; it will make man lean in
very short time.
~ am bound to have it by fair means
or fowl" as the poacher said when he
viewed his neighbor's hennery.
History has no hero who is admired by
the small boy so much as man who
Every man is made better by the pos
session of a good picture, if it is only the
landscape on the back of hundred dol
lar note.
Positive, wait; comparative, waiter;
superlative, get it yourself.
| The noble red man knows not the use
| of drawers, and yet the government is
squandering money on Indian bureaus.
Michigan turns out 5000 washboards
per day. Now can Mrs. Livermore longer
ask, What shall we do with our daugh-
ters ?"
The wise man placeth the stock of his
gun to his shoulder before he 6reth, but
the fool looketh down the barrel to see
the ball start
The world is not equally balanced. The
smallest man in crowd is Just as liable
to have the largest and best filled pocket
book.
Col Ingersoll thinks women should be
exclusively employed on the Mississippi
river fatboats. He don't believe in
hereafter.
If love is blind, as they say it is, how
is it that they always turn the light
down so confounded low that nobody
else can see.
Some boy of the present day is an en-
bryo President of the United States and
there's many a spunky boy who is a good
subject for ruler.
What shall our money be?" inquiries
an exchange. If we could only get
enough of it together to make use of, by
Christmas it would be-gone.
A lady contributor to the Danbury
News recently got married, and Bailey
extends "best wishes. She couldn't have
contributed Spring poetry"
A man died in Helena, Montana, re-
Gently, and left $250,000 entirely to his
wife and children. What rapacity And
seven lawyers in the town, too.
Susan B. Anthony announces that she
is an admirer of Ben. Butler. We think
we know Butler well enough to predict
that hers will be case of unrequited
affection.
1t has become very fashionable to have
the walls decorated with worked notices.
but no one ever sees that motto, Base is
the slave who pays" adorning the interior
of beer saloon.
A western editor publishes a poem
which twas written by an esteemed
friend, who has lain in the grave for
many years merely for his own amuse-
ment."
A man will sit on picket fence all the
afternoon to see ball match, but put
him in church pew for three-quarters of
an hour and he will wabble all over the
seat.
He stepped into the barn, and as he
caught sight OF the colt taking his frugal
meal he observed, "Isn't that an orsey-
ating spectacle2' English papers please
copy.
No matter how good-natured man
may be, he will invariably get mad when
he discovers that there is no towel in the
room, and is compelled to dry his face on
the bed.quilt.
People are usually not particular
about the presents they receive, but
when 1t comes to.the gifts of Providence,
each one acts as though he were appoint
ed committee to find fault.
There is never time when a man real
ICES SO forcibly that his early education
was sadly neglected as when he has to
skip over savory dish in the bill of fare
because it is expressed in French.
A Chicago pork-packer whose pew-rent
was raised to twenty-five dollars, ex-
claimed, "Great Caesar here's a nice
pickle-the Gospel going up and pork
going down. What's to become of US
in what direction will we go2'
The man who waits to get three cats in
line before he shoots, will some day find
the poorhouse waiting for him. 1t is
the man who peppers away at cats when
ever chance offers, who will lay up ducats
for old age.
An Iowa deacon went into his barn
the other evening to milk a COW, and
hang the lantern on a peg near the cows
tail. They say that a ghost, or some
thing like one, comes every evening,