West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-03-23
An Amateur Advocate.

A doctor named Royston had sued
Peter Bennett for his bill, long overdue
/ for attending the wife of the latter Al
/ exander III. Stevens was ON the Bennett
side, and Robert Toombs, then Senator
of the United States, was for DIR. Rows
ton. The doctor proved the number of
his visits, their valuc according to local
custom, and his own authority to do
medical practice. Mr.. Stephens told his
client that the physician had made out
his case, and as there was nothing
wherewith to rehut or offset the claim.
the only thing left to do was to pay il.
No. said Peter, Il hired YOU Ia
speak In my case, and now speak"
Mr.. Stevens told him there was moth.
ing To say, he had looked on To see that
II was made out, and il was
Peter was obstinate, and at last Mr..
stevens told him TO make a speech him
self, If he thought one could be made.
will" said Peter Bennett. of
Bobby ToombS won't be too hard on me. -
Senator Toombs promised, and Peter
began:
Gentlemen of the Jury--You and |
is plain farmers, and if we don't stick
together these ere lawyers and doctors
Will git the advantage of us amt M
lawyer nor doctor, and | nint no obirc-
lions to them in their proper place; but
they amt farmers, gentlemen of the
jury.
Now, this man Royston was a new
doctor, and went for him 10 como 'nn
to doctor my wife's sore leg. And he
come an put some salvo truck ON IL
and some rags, but never done il one bit
oi good, gentlemen of the Jury. | don't
believe he is any doctor, no way. There
is doctors as il doctors sure enough, but
this man don't earn his money; and if
you send for him, Mrs. sarah Atkin.
son did, for a negro boy as was worth
81 900, he just kills him and wants pay
for it,"
! don't" thundered the doctor.
Did you cure himP arked Peter.
with the slow accents Of Judge with
the black cap on.
The doctor was silent, and Peter pro-
ceeded;
As | was sayin', gentlemen of the
jury, we farmers when we sell our cot
ton has got 10 give vally for the money
we ask, and doctors amt nome too good
To Oe put To the same rule. And don't
believe this Sam Royston is no doctor,
no how"
The physician again put in his oar,
with, " Look at my diploma if you think
| am no doctor"
His diploma" exclaimed the new
hedged orator with great contempt
HIS diploma Gentlemen, that is big
word Tor printed sheepskin, and il did
not make no doctor of The sheep as first
wore III, nor docs it of the man as now
carries II. good newspaper has more
in it, and pint out TO yc that he amt
no doctor at all. e"
The man of medicine was now i'm a
fury and screamed out, "Ask my pa
tients If ] am not doctorW
] asked my wife," reported Peter,
an she said as how she thought you
wasn't"
Ask my other PATIENTS said Dr.
Ruyston.
This seemed TO be the straw that broke
the camePs back, for Peter replied with
a look and tone of utterable sadness:
That is a hard sayin', gentlemen of
the jury, and one that requires me to die
or TO have powers "a 1ve hearn tell
ceased to be exercised since the Apos-
Ties Does he expect me 20 bring the
angel Gabriel down 10 toot his horn be-
fore his time and cry aloud, Awake, We
dead, and tell this court and jury your
opinion of Royston's practiceT Am !
To go the lonely church-yard and rap on
the silent tomb and say 10 um as is at
last at rest from physic and doctor bills,
Git up here, you, and state If You died
q natural death, or was hurried up some
by dOctors2 He says ask his patients.
and, gentlemen of the jury sthey are all
dead Where is Mrs Beazly's man Sam
Go ask the worms in thegraveyard where
he lies. Mr.. Peake's woman Sarah WAS
attended by him, and her funeral was
app'inted, and he had the corpse ready.
Where is that likely Bill as belonged to
Mr.. Mitchell? Now in glory n expTessin
hisopinion on ROystOns doctorin'. Where
IS that baby gal of Harry Stephens
She are where doctors cease from troub-
lin and the infants are at rest.
Gentlemen of the Jury, he has ct
chicken enough at my house To pay for
his salve, and I furnished the rags, and
! don't suppose he charges for maxim
OF her worse, and even he don't pretend
TO charge for curin' of her, and ! am
humbly thankful that he never gave her
nothin' for her inwards, as he did for
his other patients, for somethin' made
um all die mighty sudden 49,
Here the applause made the speaker
SIT down in great confusion, and in spite
OF logical restatement of the case by
Senator Toombs, the doctor lost and
Peter Bennett won.