Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1878-08-07
MUCH IN LITTLE.
oenger .Afsot-o Orange peel.

moon-young ladies Delleve IN man
in the honeymoon.
The man who made an impression
{ on the heart of coquette has become
skillful stonc-cutter.
"Have you heard my last song2"
asked music writer Of gruff critic.
81 hope So" was the reply.
A widow refused an offer of marriage
because she didn't know what TO do
with her first wedding ring.
A good matrimonial firm is said TO
, be one that consists Of three-quraters
wife and ono-quarter husband.
"Bo jabersp p says Pat who was
born on the last day of the year, chad
/ delayed bit, where would l been ?"
4 An auctioneer once advertised lot
OF chairs which, he said, "had been
used by school children without backs"
Reflection is a flower Of the mind
giving out wholesome fragrance but
reverie is the same flower, when rank,
and running TO seed.
A voice comes from Washington
Territory, saying "Send us wives /"
And a thousand unhappy Benedicts
respond "Take oursl'
Silas Card was married the other
day, and on his wedding notices were
the words; "No Cards" But he dosn't
know what might happen.
The married ladies of Western city
have formed a "Come. home husband
Club" 1t is about four feet long and
has brush on the end oft
An obituary notice in Western pa
per contained the touching intelligence
that the deceased chad accumulated q
little money and ten children"
A Connecticut man has christened
his daughter Glycerine. He says it
will bo easy to prefix "Nitro" If her
temper resembles her mothers.
Animpertinent fellow wants to know
if You ever sat down to tea where skim
med milk was on the table without be-
ing asked, "Do you take cream 2"
A young lady who had lost, or mis-
laid, her beau, was advised to chang up
her fiddle" She said the advice did
great violence to her heart-strings.
A young lady told an admirer the
other night that he was like her opera
glass, "because," said she '1 can draw
you out, see through you, and shut you
up"
"Sam, why don't you talk 10 your
master and tell him to lay up treasures
in Heaven p whats de use of him
laying up treasures up dar? He new
er see um again"
"You bachelors ought 10 be taxed"
said lady to resolute evader of the
moose matrimonial. "Iagree with you
perfectly, ma'am," was the reply,
"bachelorism is certainly luxury
Mrs. Partington says she did not
marry her second husband because she
loved the male sex; but just because
he was the sams size of her first hus-
band, and could wear out his old
clothes.
An Idaho invalid was ordered by
physician to take three ounces OF bran
dy day, and knowing that sixteen
drdchms make an ounce, has patiently
been taking iorty-eight drinks day
ever since.
"No one would take you for what
you are" said an old-fashioned gentle
man day or two ago to q would-be-
dandy, who had more hair than brains.
"Why p asked Joe. because they
can't see your ears"
Farms in Arkansas sell at from three
to five cents an acre. An Arkansas pa
per says that dirt is such drug in that
State, that if purchaser does not look
out, they'll smuggle forty or fifty acres
on him in making out the deed.
We find the following item in an Ill
inois paper: "Mr--, who has been
In retirement for few weeks after
marrying and burrying three sisters,
came smilingto the altar again yester-
day, having begun on new family"
A raptured writer inquiries, "What
is there under heaven more humaniz-
ing, or if we may use the term, more
angelizing, than a fine black eye in
lovely woman p Two black eyes is
the only answer thought Of at present.
A popular poet was much attached
10 young lady who was born day
before him, and who did not return his
passion. "Yours is hard case" said
a friend. at is indeed, said the poet,
''for l came in the world day after
the fair"
Josh Billings writes that "Philoso-
pliers all agree that the milk is put in
to the kokernut, and the hole is neatly
plugged up; but who the TELLER ia who
duz it, the philosophers are honest
enough, for wonder to admit they
can't tell u.s.
"How old is your mamma 7" asked
lover smitten old bachelor OF the
daughter Of the widow who had en-.
chanted him. "l don't know sir her
age varies from about 43 to 49," was
the artless reply. The bachelor was
disenchanted.
A cockncy tourist met a Scotch lassie
going barefooted towards Glasgow.
"Lassie," said he, ii should like to
know If all the people in these parts go
barefoot ?" "Part of them do, and the
rest mind their own business" was the
rather settling reply.
Two little girls were lately prattling
together and one Of them said l. 1--WE
keep four servants, have got six horses,
and lots Of carriages; now what have
you got2' With quite as much pride
the other answered, "We've got
shrunk under our barn.
A scholastic professor, in explaining
TO class Of young ladies the theory
according TO which the body is entire.
ly renewed every seven years, said,
"Thus, Miss b. in seven years you will
no longer be Miss b." ''I really hope
| shan't" demurely responded the
girl, modestly casting down her eyes
A clergyman, observing poor man
by the road breaking stones, and kneel.
ing to got at his work better, made the
remark, "Ah John, wish l could
break the stony hearts of my hearers
as easily as you are breaking those
stones" perhaps, master, you do not
work on your knees" was the reply.