River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1878-10-31

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The question is asked by contempor
/, airy docs wheat produce chess2" 1t Is
given up--ask Paul Morphy.
Some people are like green Holsters
thew never know when to let go when
they shake hands with you.
A niue will behave himself eleven
years and six months just to get one OFT
hand shot at a middle shirt stud.
| When you see a man going out with an
umbrella in his hand, you may bet your
little pile it's going to be clear day.
1t is the experience of circus proprie-
tors that one stock of clowns jokes will
outlast seven sets of canvas covering.
i WHY is an auctioneer who sells wom-
an a bottle of cordial base towards
Because he knocks her down an elixir.
l presume you no longer wish to re-
main in cog" said the man out OF the
machinery to the man in the machinery.
When Paul said, sail is vanity" he was
looking straight at young man wearing
a straw hat with o blue band around 1t.
A woman can't put ON any side saddle
airs when she goes in swimming. She
has either got TO kick out like man or
get drowned
Bow down you head, ye naughty clam;
We oyster say your prayer, the month
that hath an r has come; you're on the
bill of fare.
Somebody has discovered that, when
ever the grain is out and hauled in, the
tramp makes his appearance on the stub
Die and demands work or bread.
A beautiful example of "Force of hab-
it" is to see disciple OF Murphy fill his
glass at the hydrant and dreamily blow
the froth off the innocent water before
drinking.
A man will sit on a picket fence all the
afternoon to see base ball match, but
put him in church pew three-quarters
of an hour and he will wobble all over
ttsseat.
In the make up of the modern small
boy there is altogether too much
whistle for the amount of boy. 1t is
most too much like using two quart
funnel in three-o ounce vial.
The New York Herald says: "Small
pieces of sponge soaked in cresote, will
keep away black ants" To keep away
white aunts, the safest way is to have no
spare DeU-TOOus
The gang of burglars who work for
seven straight hours to hammer a safe to
pieces to secure fourteen cents know how
minister feels next day after donation
visit.
Probably the mild-eyed goat is the
only animal ever invented that can eat
twenty-four hours q day aud devour
flour barrel and seven old fruit. cans for
lunch.
"Sweets to the sweet" said young
man on passing the syrup to young
lady at one of our hotel tables. And
beets to the beat" remarked the lady,
showing the dish of that vegetable toward
the young man.
Nothing will sooner make mans
eyes shoot fire, his brain whlrl, and his
heart flop up against his palate, than to
lose his balance on his available leg while
trying to stow the other away ii his dual
garmenture.
"Whoa, Em"-Bang! went the officers
revolver, and the guttersnipe rolled over
in the dust and clawed the ground in his
mortal agony. Next day the officer was
elevated to the rank of sergeant. Gentle
reader, this happened in Utopia.
A hen-pecked husband by the name of
Home, lost pocket lexicon on the street
the other day, and being asked what he
was looking for replied, Homes wee
tomeln Poor fellow the remark had a
wonderful significance to him.
! A boy on West Hill started to school
the opening day of the term, and before
he was five blocks from home he famed
a dog, lost his geography, scared a
horse, broke his slate and had three fights.
Times are looking up.-Burltngt Hdtok-
eye.
Some recently discovered inscriptions
on burned bricks bring to light the as
founding revelation that king Ahaserus
hanged Hannah because he invented the
ACCORDION and put the price down TO
$I.75 so that every young man might
have one.
If you are inquisitive, like Paul Dom
bey, and want to hear what the wild
waves are saying, get behind tow-boat
in a leaky skiif with broken oar. The
probabilities are that you will get on
your knees and ask for change of con
versation.
Little Fannys mother, the other even
, ing, reading of the heroism of the good
women in the fever-smitten Southwest,
, was commencing female tortitude
"Well, WE'LL" cried Fanny, women may
have fortitude, but men have fifty tudeI
Boston Transcript.
A little seven year old baseball player
being told of the recent sad accident and
instant death of the catcher who SO nobly
: fulfilled his duty by returning the ball
while drawing his last breath. remarked
"Well. I s'pose he wanted little more
+. fun before he died. Boston Transcript.
, An Albany urehin VINO has no head
for figures, yesterday offered one Of
his school-fellows a big apple and q jam
turnover If he would do his sums for him
J tins term. The offer was declined, the
little man to whom it was rendered re-
marking that he had not yet reached the
!, hire mathematics.
What is an editora An editors bizness
4 is to write editorials, grind out poetry
: sort out manuscripts, keep mighty big
I waste basket, steal matter, fite other peo
{ pies battles, take white beans and apple
sass for pay when he can get it, worl
/ nineteen hours out Of twenty-four, and b
! damned by everybody Billings.
!. Little Allie L., four year-old, take
i a great interest in the story of Samson
? Not long since he had his hair cut Gloss
i in the prevailing style, and soon afte
d was seen in the vain attempt to turn |
' somersauit. Some one remarked, aAlIie
Z vou don't seem to succeed very well il
Z turning somersaults.r mo, he gravel,
i replied: II am not as strong as ! was
+ I have lost nv hair.
a a little five-year-old boy, residing wit
his parents in the Che aey block; wa
asked By lady few lays since for
s kiss. He Immediately complied, but IL
! lladY. noticing that the little fellow dreN
Z his hands across mis- lips, remarked, al
9 but vou arc rubbing It of. No. | amt,
) was the qnick rejoinder, I'm rubbing
:. in. Hartford Times.
3. There Is no limit to American inTen
n tire pennis. For instance, Mr.. Simson
81 Henderson. Of North Washington, OhIe
e has patented device 10 receive and hoI
ii i anSd Of tobacco when in the mouth, tb
IL lie If 81 which viii prevent an inteH
Il perate nse OF tobacco, while at The sam
!. fsEne afFoTding the chewer the full plea:
Il nxe. enjoyment and satisfaction whic
tie use Of tobacco imparts.