, 1878-10-24
ESSAY ON WOMEN.

being made of a mans rib. don't
know why Adam wanted to fool away
his ribs in that way, but | suppose he
was not accountable for all he did.
Women is not an amphibjous ami,
NAL but she seems to know a good
deal about the peculiar merits of
water, and breaches them to her hus-
band whenever she smells something
stronger than water on his breath.
1t costs more to keep a woman than
three dogs and a shot gun. But
she pays you back with interest-by
giving you house full of children
to keep you awake at nights and
smear molasses candy on your Sun.
day coat. Besides your wife is very
convenient article to have about the
house. She is so handy to swear at
whenever you cut yourself with the
razor and don't feel like blaming
Yourself Woman is the superior
being in Massachusetts. There be.
! ing about sixty thousand more OF
her sex than males in that State.
This accounts for the terrified, hunted
down expression of the single men
who emi CRATE from the East. Wo.
man was not created perfect. She
has her faults-such as false hair,
false teeth, false complexion, and
SO on. But she is good deal bet
ter than her neighbor, and she
knows it,
Eve was a women, She must have
been a model wife, too, for it cost
Adam nothing to keep her in clothes.
Still | don't think she was happy.
She couldn't go to sewing circles and
air her information about everybody
she knew, nor excite the envy of
other ladies by wearing her new
spring bonnet to church. Neither
could she hang over the back fence
and gossip with her neighbor. All
these blessed privileges were denied
her. Poor Eve ! She's dead now.
And the fashion she inaugurated is
dead also. If it hadn't been for the
confounded snaik" perhaps the la.
dies of the present day would dress
as economically as Eve did. But
the only place where this primitive
style is emulated is in certain por.
tions of Africa, where the women
consider themselvs in full dress when
they have nothing on but a postage
stamp stuck in the center of their
foreheads. What beautiful exam
pie in simplicity of dress is shown
some of the followers of fashion by
that domestic animal, the cat, which
rises in the morning, washes its face
with its right hand, gives its tail
three tremendous jerks, and is ready
dressed for the day. Women is en-
dowed with a tremendous fund of
knowledge, and tongue to suit.
She has the capacity for learning
everything she was divinely intended
to know, and few extra items be
sides. Young ladies take a good
deal of stock in classics, and learn
fast. When you see young lady
student from Vassar, with an absorb.
ed look in her eyes, and her lips
moving, you understand at once that
she is memorizing passage from
Virgil. But perhaps closer inspec-
ton will reveal the fact that she is
only chewing gum. A woman may
not be able to sharpen a lead pencil,
or hold an umbrella, but she can pack
more articles into trunk than man
can into a one horse wagon. The
happiest period of woman's life is
when she is making her wedding
garments. The saddest is when he
comes home late at night, and yells
to her from the front door steps to
throw him out handful of keyholes
of different sizes.
There are some real curiosities in
feminine nature. For instance ]
once knew young lady who could
easily pass another one on the street
without looking around to see what
she had on. Poor thing! She was
blind. One OF the worst habits a
woman can get into is riding habit.
But it is not much worse than the
modern walking dress, which ladies
persist in wearing on the streets.
When woman approaches a cross
ing she pauses for one heeting in.
slant, gives sudden kick that would
fire the envy of Mexican mustang,
and catches her train on the fly. There
is no fun in kissing girl when you
know you have got to do it, and a
crowd is standing by to see fair play.
The best way is to lie in wait for her,
81 Il. Il