Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1878-05-21
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SPECTAOLES-MAGIOAL.

lkOT tue SpiTlt OF JeueIsou.I
SPECTAOLES-MA
The custom of wearing speetscles, which
I have observed has lately become so pre-.
dominant among young men, has suggested
to me many curious speculations. As glasses
were formerly worn by aged persons, to aid
the imperfections OF their visual organs, and
seldom by any other persons, or for any other
purpose, l became somewhat alarmed at see-
ing SO large a portion of the young men sud-
denly accoutred with this badge Of optical
imperfection :-aud being yet in my juvenile
DAYS, | was led to investigate the cause Of
SO sudden and general a revolution in the
optical system, under an apprehension OF my
own liability to so great malady. That
this grievous affliction should be peculiar 90
the male sex was what also much alarmed
me, aud led me into many curious aud elab-
orate investigations of the structure OF tho
different sexes, and particularly Of the head.
But all my researches in philosophical rs
we'll as anatomical writings we're 10 vaiu--I
was still in the dsrk-still in jeopardy.
l have also for long time labored under
grievous apprehensions from another cousid-
Grafton. Being somewhat inclined to study
aud deep thinking, l imagined that when
ever my eyes failed SO much a. to need tho
assistance of glasses, should be wholly de-
prived of the power, pleasure. and utility OF
thinking. You may, perhaps, think this
very odd, but as the root of the nose is said
to be the seat of thought, 1 readily supposed
that the iron legs which are placed astride
that part of the nose, would by their pressure
preclude the possibility of thinking. I ac>
cordingly made the experiment; and truly.
found all my cogitative powers immediate-
ly benumbed and could do nothing but
stare through the glasses at objects which
were presented to my eyes. All power OF
reflection was lost Hence concluded
glasses were an index of stupidity rs we'll ss
defective eyes, particularly in young men.
But how rejoiced was /, when l discovered
that the custom did not originate in any
male-patural, optical, imperfection but
on account of a truly magical power which
they are said to possess, the wonderful eff
facts of which are discovered in the female
sex only. In justice, however, to some of
the fair sex, am conscious that there are
those in whom these effects are not found.
A young man Of my acquaintance had the
misfortune to possess a pair OF large white
eyes, which were so forbidding TO the ladies',
that he despaired Of any success in gallsntryt
but no sooner had he cased them with pair
| of glasses. than all the ladies in town were
proclaimiug his elegant and respectable APP
pearance. He found that he had undergone.
10 their eyes, = complete transformation.
Everything which he did was admired-every
motion which be made was graceful and ele-
CANT Ho was captivating g-he was chsrm<
ing Another young lad, who being by pros
fession Cobler, and bye the bye not tho
purest character in the world, having dis
covered the magical power of spectacles, de-
termined on trying what effect they would
have in purifying his character, and how far
they would operate in transforming him into
q respectable gallant. Accordingly he put
on his Sunday dress, and saddled his nose
with 4 new pair OF dashing spectacles-msgi-
cal, aud went into the next town, where he
was wholly unknown and in less than three
days, if You will believe me. he was intro
duced into all the polite female circles OF
the town. He was caressed, fattered, and
admired. His very impudence and rusticity
were called originalities and fashionable ac-
complishmeDts. In short, to speak in the
style of his admirers, he was all The go-sll
the rage.
Another young beau, who had the mis-
fortune to be the subject Of frequent bur-
lesque among the ladies, on account Of the
crookedness of his legs and roundness of his
shoulders, and several other natural deform>
tiles, besides q natural imbecility Of intellect
having seen the surprising effect Of specta-
cles-magicaI, cl.pped on pair, aud imme-
distely found himself cried up by the ladies'
as one of the most elegant and sensible yousg
men in town.
Another, whose thorough libertinisn aud
debaucheries had fixed upon his character, as
be supposed, an indelibIe stigma among tho
fair sex, by the aid of pair Of spectsoies--
magical. Immediately wiped aWsy all stain,
aud found himself unspotted and ehssts
as Diana.
Thus. am extremely happy to find that We
are not all about to be troubled with so great
an evil as 1 at fret imsgined and I am still
more happy to find that our persons aud char
aoters can be transformed and purified with
such ease, that fools can become men of
sense and understanding, a. IL were, "in the
twinkliDg Of an eye." Who then is 50
great fool, as that he would not wear speo-
tacIes to become fsvorite of the ladies. even
at the risk of running . pair Of good eyes2
SEsLx.
-tGo out. young man she's not here"
II : y