, 1878-08-22

Becchcr said: THAT was a fair discourse;
how long did it take you to write III"
"Oh, tossed it Off one evening" was
the reply.
Indeed" said Mr.. BeeCher. "Well,
it took me much longer than that to think
out the frame work of that sermon.
"Are you Henry Ward Beecher" asked
the -stealer.
81 am said that gentleman
"Well, them" said the other not in the
least disconnected, sail have to say Is,
that | amt ashamed to preach one OF
your sermons anywhere"
We do not know if CoIman invented
the phrase, "as cool as cucumber;' but
he makes the Irishman in Heir Gt.LaU
say: "These two must be rich man that
won't lend, and borrower; for one is
trntting about in great distress, and
tothcr stands as cool rs Il cucumber vi
the two, the latter WAS more likely to
have been intending raid on another
mans purse, for the men whose very
trade is borrowing" are usually, we
might say necessarily, the coolest of the
cool; like Bubb Dodngton's impecun-
ious acquaintance who, rushing across
Bond street, greeted Dodngton with I'm
delighted to see you, for | am wonder.
fully in want of guinea"
Taking out his purse, Bubb showed
that it held but half guinea.
"A Thousand thanks.' cries his tor.
mentor, deity scizng the coin; "that
will do very well for the present. and
then changed the conversation. But as
he turned to take leave, he inquired: "By-
the-by, when will you pay me that half
guinea"
PAY you' What do you meant" ex-
claimed Dodington.
"Mean1 Why, intend to borrow a
guinea Of you. have only got half; but
I'm not in hurry for t'other. Name
your own time, only pray keep It'll" say
ing which, he disappeared round the
corner.
"John Pheuix," the American humor-
ist being one night at theatre, fancied
he saw a friend some three seats i n front
of him. Turning to his next neighbor
he said: "Would you be kind enough to
touch that gentleman with your stickf'
"Certainly," was the reply, and the thing
was done; but when the individual thus
assaulted turned round, Phsnix saw he
was not the man he took him for, and
became at once absorbed in the play,
leaving his friend with the stick to settle
matters with the gentleman in front,
which, as he had no excuse handy, was
not done without considerable trouble.
When the hubbub was over, the victim
said: Didn't you tell me to tap that
man with my sticks" "Yes." "And what
did you want9 "Oh," said Phonix,
with imperturable gravity, NJ wanted to
see whether you UOuId or notw
"Jsck Holiness" a man-about-town,
living no one knew how, was once under
cross examination by certain sergeant.
at-law, who knew his man too well.
"Now, sir" said the learned gentle,
man, "tell the jury how you live9'
"WelI," said Holmes, "a chop or 8
steak and on Sunday perhaps little BIZ
of fish; am very plain living man.
"You know what riean, sir" thun.
dered the questioner. "What do you do
for living9"
"The same as you, sergeant" said the
witness, tapping his forehead suggestive
ly; land when that fails, do'-goina
through the pantomine of writing across
his hand-"a little bit of stuff-the same
as you again"
"My lud, l shall not ask the obtusC
witness any more questions" said the
angry counsel.
"Brother," said Baron Martin, 81 think
you had better not" -..
Here is hint for our old friend the
clown in the pantomine. At the burn
ing of a provision store, the Grove
helped themselves freely. One mar
grasped huge cheese as his share Of the
salvage; rising up with it he found him
self face to face with a policeman, anc
with admirable presence of mind put thu
plumber into the officers arms, saying
i'You had better take care Of that, police
man, or some one will be walking of
with it,"
Equally ready to relinquish his loo
when there was no help for it was Chi.
cago negro, caught by poultry fancier
in the act of carrying off some of his live
stock, and challenged with: "What are
you doing with my chickens9" II wuz
gwine fer to fetch 'em back, boss" ex
planned he. "Dere's niger roun' here
what's been disputin' along er me bout
dem chickens. said dey wuz Corchir
Chyniz, an he said dey wuz Alabarmar
pullcts; an l wuz jes takin' 'em roun
fer ter stabish my nollidge. Dey don't
lay no aigs, does dey, bossl Eff dey does
I'm mighty shamed of husttin' 'em roun'
Aigs is scase."
Impudeuty cool as the darkey was, hi
must yield the palm for efFrontery to the
Erie Railway guard, whose interview
with Manager Fisk is thus related in an
American paper:
"You are a conductor on the Erie, !
believed"
"Yes, SIR"
"How long have you been on tht
road2n
"Fifteen years"
"Worth some property, l learnl"
"Some."
"Haye very fine house in Oswego