Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-03-08
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mas D66Q CduSlb LII oAO 0So VI u"eAos esnN
pleaded in extenuation that he was
drunk.
Court Ito the policeman, who was wit
ness)-
"What did the man say when you arres-
ted him ?"
Witness 1--WE said he was drunk"
Court l want his precise words, just
as he uttered them he didn't use the pro-
noun he, did he? He didn't say he was
drunk
WiUness-"Oh, yes, he did-he said he
was drunk he acknowledged the corn"
Court getting impatient at the witness
stupidity -"Yo GU don't understand me at
all I want the words as he uttered them;
didn't he say. I was drunk ~
Witness, deprecatingly-''Oh, no, your
Honor. He didn't say you were drunk :
wouldn t allow any man to charge that
upon you in my presence"
Prosecutor ssPshaw! you don't CON-
prehend at all. His honor means, did no,
he prisoner say to you'll was drunk p y
Witness relectively-"Wel he might
have said you was drunk, but [ didn't
hear him."
Attorney for the prisoner-"What the
court desires is to have you state the pris-
oner's own words, preserving the precise
form of the pronoun that he made use OF
in reply. Was it first person |. second
person thou, or the third person he, she or
it Now then sir, with severity.) upon
your oath. didn't my client say I was
drunk p
Witness, getting mad-"No, he didn't
say you was drunk, either, but if he had l
reckon he wouldn't a lied any. Do you
s'pose the poor fellow charged this whole
court with being drunk?"
A Boys THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE
ssWhat makes that noise?" asked a littltl
boy on the train the other day. ''The
cars,'' answered the mother. what for?"
ssBecause they are moving" 'What are
they moving for?" 1.-The engine makes
them.' ssWhat ensine?" THE engine
in front?'' 'sWhat IS it in front for?"l
'sTo pull tie train.' ''What train?"
ssThis one.o ''Tnis carr" repeated the
youngster, pointing to the one in which
they sat. "Yes." ''What does it pull
for?'' ''The engineer makes'it." "Whal
engineer?'' s'The man on the engine"
.'What engine?'' THE one in 'front.'
.'What Is that in front for?" II told you
that before'' 'sTold who what?'' s'Told
you" s'What for?" ''Oh, be still, you
are a nuisance" whats nuisance?"
"a boy who asks too many questions
s'Whose boy?' my boy.'' ''What ques-
tions?'' The conductor came through:
just then and took up the tickets al d tn
train pulled up to the station before VT
could get all the conversation. The las,
We heard. as the lady jerked the yeungster
off the platform was: ''What conductor
CRooKING His ELBow.-A select party
was highly entertained last evening by the
precocious four year old of the host. The
youngster attracted universal attention by
the singular movement of his elbow. His
aunt resolved to ascertain what the little
chap was up to, and in answer to ii ques-
tion. he said:
at Sc cookin' my elbow
1What are you cooking it for Johnnv?'
81 wants to Diet nice little strawbewey
ON my nose"
"Wby, Johnny, that won't make a straw
berry,"
eyes. it will, Aunty, cause cook says
papa wouldn't have strawbs wey on his
nose If he didn't cook his elbow so much;
and [ dess cook knows
His questioner's and sire's faces became
radiant, while Johnny continued his per-
Torrance unmolested by interviewers.
GOOD HEBREW.-There is a mad quar-
rel going on in the West between some
Methodists and Universalists over prac-
teal joke played on spmebody-we will not
saw whom-who had taken part in one OF
the public discussions. Suspicion was
raised that his scholarship was mythical,
and one Of the other side brought to him
the word bac-ka-che (back-ache), and asked
him if he could tell the meaning of it. 10
complete the story, we must quote from
the record: With an air of Importance, he
said. 81 am quite familiar with the word.
NV son called my attention to it year or
two ago. 1t is Hebrew word. Hebrew
scholars differ as 10 its pronunciation. 1t
means "My God!''
WHAT HE Gor.--s'What did ye get?"
asked one tramp of the other, who had
.een into the house after "vittles."
Il got suthin'." was the reply.
"What was it2'.. eagerly inquired the ex-
pectant one.
"A cold shoulder" bitterly rejoined the
other as he tramped on.
.Do you think that souls separated here
are united hereafter - asked a pale, tina
ciated pietist of his friend. II hope not,
was the chilling reply. 1T cost me pref
ty good figure to get divorce, and Wien
L invested that money l invested it for
time and eternity"
A person leaving stage-coach the otner
day. steadied himself by resting his hands
on the knees Of the passengers. ''What a
ssyagel" exclaimed one lady. 'Yes," re-
piled her companion. Giles Paw-nee."
An ind ulgent father urged an indolent
son to Use. REMEMBER said he, THAT
the early bird catches the worm. What
do Care for worms 7" growled the youth,
s.Motlaer WON'T let nee 60 fishln'."
'.Child, haven't told you not to stand
30 much before. the glass3" "Why, moth
er, you told metdFead and reflect. ihaye
been reading and now aan rejecting.