The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1878-04-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

BORDER troubles Matching the wall
paper
In what place are two heals better
than one2 In barrel. lo st
WHY is scratch on the hand like the
first flight of a fedgbnga Because it is
only little soar. ~
Why is a fathers nose like a we'll
trained childl Because it is always un-
der a parents eye.
In the bright Lexington of Kentucky,
there are no such words as "No, thank
you, never drink"
MIDNIGHT soliloquy by the man who
supped on dried apples: "Twelve
o'clock and all swell. :"
WHY may a tipsy man fall into the
river with impunity2 Because he won't
drown as long as his head swims.
"ToM, what in the world put matri-
mony in your head p Well, the fact
is, Joe, was getting short of shirts -
MEN are frequently like tea-the real
strength and goodness are not properly
drawn out until they have been in hot
water.
A LITTLE boy went to his father cry
ing the other day, and told him that he
had kicked bee that had splinter in
it's tail. t..
''I PRESUME you won't charge any
thing for just remembering me, said 3
one-legged sailor to a wooden-leg man
ufacturer. aal agr s.:-
IT takes 2, 100 bees to fill pint cup,
notwithstanding single bee takes up 30
much room in fellows summer trou-
sers leg.
AN abandoned wretch affirms that in
engaging q wife only ring is necessary;
but nothing f.hort of the cash will secure
a good hired girl.
GA MAN with a trade dollar feels as if
he had full moon in his pocket" But
without any kind of dollar, his pocket
is still lighter breakfast Table.
g. WHAT blessing the phonograph will
be to editors TIE bores can slip right
into the phonogra ph-room and plead
with the instrument, and the editor car
grind it all out afterward-if he wants
to.-Bosto'a Transcript. E-.
MAGUIRE, of Newark, is a cool philos-
opher. On Monday at he found fault
with the fish-cakes, and his wife broke
the dish over his head. Turning to his
daughter he said: "Your mother is
celebrating our china wedding"
AT the end of the first year comes the
"cotton wedding" explains an exchange.
And that is not the only thing that
comes at the end of the first year.
Sometimes poverty comes, sometimes
the mother in-law, and sometimes twins.
If the surplus vitality of childhood
could be bottled up and held in reserve,
how handy it would come to woman in
after life when she goes to picnic With
a year old baby, three baskets and hus-
band too lazy to carry smile Break
fast Table.
SAID Sarah to her Noah dear.
.i IS This world would surely be
desert with oasis
We're / bereft of thee" E..rg
All, love ~ said he, "heres one who in
That sentiments a sharer,
Noah, sis, who will not be
Bereft of his Sahara"
DEACON NORWOOD (to Elder Tomp-
kins)-" sir; man with hope and
without no faith is just like a young man
in row-boat who amt got only one oar,
and rows round and round jim circle and
don't get nowhere" Small boy Cat safe
distance)-' If he warn't darned fool
he'd scull."
The killephone is the reverse of the
telephone; by using it you can avoid
hearing chatterbox not a foot distant,
and cats may howl all night on your
ridgepole without your knowing it.
Even your neighbours cornet becomes
innoxious, and the hand-organ loses its
sing. LoDeU Courier.
|. A TREASURE. calling on init
mate friend, who is unmarried, and only
has one servant)-" Is your mistress at
home, Sarah ?" Sarah-"No, mum. "
Lady" Then will you kindly say that
called to see if she would come and
spend the evening with us7" Sarah
ooh, no, num- Am sure she can't,
cause it's my turn out" :"