New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1878-02-20
Miscellaneous Paragraphs.

Truth lies at the bottom of WE'LL
We have often verified this by looking
down into well and seeing Truths hon
est contenance in the smooth water.
A politician who escaped from a burn
ng hotel, clad only in an undershirt and
i pair of socks, said it was the nearest he
had ever come to taking a nude depar-
ture.
Some soured bachelor says: Heaven
in its mer ciful providence gave no beard to
woman, because he we'll knew they could
not hold their tongues long enough to be
shaved"
An astute Freshman reasons as follows:
''Things equal to the same things are
equal to each other. An idiot is a human
being. A man is human being; ergo,
man is an idiot.
The Fulton street barber did not visit
the cat show. He says: Il don't like
cats for the same reason I don't like GER
tain kinds of stoves-on account of their
dam purrs."
"Surely you must be tired, aunty. I
can't think how it is you are able to work
so long" ''Lawks bless you, my dear,
when I onst sits down to it like, I'm lust
too lazy to leave off"
A Scotch schoolmaster having repeat
eddy and at last angrily demanded of the
pupils "Who signed Magma Charta?'' a
a little girl tremblingly replied, "Please,
sir 1t was ma me-"
A would suicide wrote these fare
we'll words to his wife; "Dear Mary,
when my BODY is dragged out of the
river they can identify it by the linen
patch you put in the seat of my black
cloth trowsers."
AS an illustration of the deplorable ten
dency of this age to the use of ''slang,"
we quote the following from the verbatin
report of an Omaha Judges charge
"Plaintiff seems to have got the bulge on
the defendant; jury, please take notice"
When Longfellow was presented to Mr..
Longworth, of Cincinnati, the latter re-
marked: There is no great difference
in our names" eyes," replied Mr.. Long
fellow, I" but north makes the man, the
want of it the fez!oao.''
Boston Bulletin: Scientists say that
the age of iron is approaching its close
and that steel will eventually take it's
place. The scientific gentlemen are a
little slow; we have been in the midst of
the age of steal for some time.
Lady Milzicent de Lo1ntc1esney--" Give
you an old pair of my boots for your
daughter, Mrs. Smithers? Well ye-es-
but I'm afraid they won't fit" Pew Opener
=" No fear Of that, my lady. My gal
has feet like an elep hant. "-Loadon F'un,
Norristown Herald: The butter head
woman is now making life size bust of
Lady Godiva. Mrs. Godiva's only ward
robe, according to the pictures we have
seen, was her long hair, and Mrs. Brooks
should have no difficulty in procuring
butter Of that description.
"Did not give you fogging the other
day?" asked schoolmaster of trem bling
boy. ssYes, sir" answered the boy. "Well
what do the Scriptures say on the subject?"
II don't know, SIR said the boy, 'except
it is in that passage which says: It's more
blessed to give than to receive"
Let no one hereafter insinuate that
teachers institutes produce no good. At
the late Bucks County institute fair
haired, blue-eyed darling of teacher of
the female persuasion forever demolished
the base insinuation by the following
conundrum: CHOW doy you make Maltese
cross?'' 'Tread on her tail"
Burlington Hawkeye: A Vicksburg
negro fell from the deck of steamboat
the other day, was sucked under coal
barge, came up Ia time to catch his
breath before he slid under raft mile
long, and finally scrambled ashore down
at Warrentown, about seven miles below,
with the remark, "No use tryin', ye KANT
drown a deep water Baptist"
We are all greater dupes to our weak
ness than to the skill of others; and the
successes gained over US by the design
ing are usually nothing more than
the prey taken from these very snares we
have laid ourselves. One man falls by
his ambition, another by his perfdy, a
third by his avarice, and fourth by his
lust What are these but so many nets
watched, indeed, by the fowler, but wo-
ven by his victim.
A Bangor man who had paid particular
attention to teaching his children polite
ness had surprising experience f the
results few days ago., An old friend
had dropped in to dinner, whom the chill
dren had never seen. Pork steak was
served for dinner, Of which one of them
was very fond, and as the friend was help
ed to gsodly slice the little fellow
spoke: cts very hard case to sit here
and see the largest piece Of lean go into
a strangers plate"
'You don't neber hear of nobody fall
ling on me, does you?" ssNot as [ re-
member on" in course you don't.
Why? Cause has been right down fine