The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-04-25
WAITS AND wH1Ms.

KEEP rather ahead than behind the
times.
HAVE few confdants, the fewer the
better.
OPENING the season-Breaking pep
per-box.
USE your own brains rather than those
of others.
PASSING an act of secession-G Grant
ing a divorce.
TRUTH is not drowned in water, nor
burned in fire.
MARK we'll what you hit as well as
what you miss.
CREMATION is the burn from which no
traveller returns.
A JURY in Ithaca found man guilty
of stealing barn.
IT is believed that Job never went to
dance in tight boots.
KEEP clear of the man who does not
value his own character.
HE who smiles at another's mistake
forgets his own ignorance.
A MAN who don't know anything will
tell it the first chance he gets.
A MANS temper is most valuable to
himself, and he should keep it.
SPEAK lew, ladies; and yet always en-
deavor to be high-toned women.
A FOOL may throw a stone in pond !;
it may take seven sages to pull it out.
A WASHINGTON paper says: "This
Office is closed for repairs. Hon. David
Davis dropped in on us yesterday"
The noblest lesson taught by life
To every great, heroic soul
Who seeks to conquer in the strife,
Is self-control. a..
IT is the man who AYERS he despises
fattery who is always the most offended
when you tell him the truth about him
self.
AT the Paris dog show in June the
dogs which accompany blind mendi-
cants will have a place assigned to
them. 1
THERE is said to be considerable ex-
portation of birch wood from New Hamp.
shire to England to be made into thread
spools.
WHENEVER tramp goes into New
Jersey town he tries to fatter the inhab-
itants by asking the way to Washing
toms headquarters.
A CoRoNER's verdict reads thus:
The deceased came to his death by ex-
cessive drinking producing apoplexy in
the minds of the jury"
A MACON (Ga. man has invented a
-toothed saw that turns out the
lumber perfectly planed and ready for
the carpenter and painter.
WHATEVER may be the actual status
of an individual, he is sure to be cred
tied with a certain degree of respecta-
bility if his boots squeak.
GREAT numbers of Roman Catholic
priests in Germany are taking unto them
selves wives, the law of the empire CIV
ing protection to such unions.
The Mobile Register says that an old
negro woman in the southern part of
that city died from the effects of bite
from her grandchild, whom she was
chastising.
The relatives of a deceased lady of
Glen's Falls, N. Y, quarreled over
gold necklace that had been buried
with her, and the body was exhumed in
order to obtain it.
A-MAN on Marlboro-street didn't 90
home the other night, and when he made
his appearance about breakfast time his
wife said that he must have slept in a
cemetery because he smelt of spirits.
THE entire alphabet is found in these
four lines:
God gives the grazing OK his meat,
He quickly hears the sheeps's low cry;
But man, who tastes his finest wheat,
Should joy to lift his praises high.
The thirsty but impecunious bum
| mer's newest trick is to stand. close to
the whisky barrel in liquor store, slyly
turn the faucet into the top of one of his
boots, and thus walk cut with several
quarts of the liquid.
To be heroic, one must be consistent
If Achilles had been seen of a Sunday
morning gliding into Grecian gin-mill
through the back gate, he would hardly
throw that brilliancy on Homer's pages
which is the case at present.
IT is belief among some sects of the
Jews that wife can oppose the admis
sion into her husbands house of hel
mother-in-law or sister-in-law, if hel
fear is well-founded that the domestic
peace would be thereby endangered.
The Key West (Fla.) Dispatch say
that an economical dinner for poo
family just now is a ten-pound king-fish
five cents, and large head of cabbage
three cents, total eight cents-anc
enough for large man with a small
family.
OF the late Lord Ravensworth, tn,
gentlemen who defended George ~
against Thackeray, London paper tell
this amusing story: He was man of n,
little personal vanity, and one cold da,
in winter, few years ago, having
wrapped himself in fur coat, he wen
to call on some neighbors in Northum
berland. He was ushered into tn,
drawing-room, and left, as he thought
alone. No sooner was the door CLOSED
than he mounted on chair in front O
the mirror over the fireplace, and afte
surveying himself with intense satisfac
ton, gave vent to the ejaculation, "Well
a man in fur is a noble animalW Un
fortunately for him, lady was seatet
in corner in the recess of a screen, ant
| MT onlv witnessed the eYhihition hu