The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1878-05-08
Mark Twain on the Weather.

Ireverently believe that the Maker who
made us all makes everything in New Eng
land but the weather. 1 don't know who
makes that, bat i think It must be some
raw apprentices in the weather clerks factory
who experiment and learn how in New Eng
land for board and clothes, and then are
promoted TO make weather for other coun-
tries that require q good article, and viii
take their custom elsewhere if they don't
get it.
1t was I that made the fame and fortune
of that man that had that marvellous collec-
ton Of weather on exhibition at the Centen-
nial, that so astounded the foreigners. He
was going to travel all over the world, and
get specimens from all the climes. / said,
don't you do 1t; you come to Eaw England
on a favorable spring day. 1 told him what
we could do in the way of style, variety and
quantity. Well, he came, and ne made his
collection in four days. Asto variety? Why,
he confessed that he got hundreds of kinds
OF weather that he had never heard of before.
And as to quantity; well, after he had picked
out and discarded all that was blemished in
any way, he not only had weather enough,
but weather to spare; weather 10 hire out;
weather to sell to deposit; weather to in
vest weather to give to the poor.
Old Probabilities has a mighty reputa-
ton for accurate prophecy, and thoroughly
well deserves it. You take up the paper
and observe how orisply and confidently he
checks of what to-day's weather is going to
be OF the Pacific, down South, in the Middle
States, in the Wisconsin ~region-see him
sail along in the joy and pride of his power
till he gets TO New England, and then see
his tail drop. He doesn't know what the
weather is going to be in New England. He
a any more tell than he can tell how
many Presidents of the United States there's
going to be next year. Well, he mulls over
it. and by and by he gets out something
about like this Probable noreast to souwest
winds, varying to the southard and westard
and BASTARD, and points between high and
low barometer, swapping around from place
to place probable areas of rain, snow, hail,
and drouth, succeeded or preceded by
earthquakes, with thunder and lightning
Then he jots down this postscript from his
wandering mind, 10 cover accidents but
II Is possible that the programme may be
wholly changed in the mean time"
Yes, INT of the brightest gems in the Now
England weather is the dazzling uncertainty
Of it. There is only one thing certain about
it-you are certain there is going to be
plenty Of weather. perfect grand review;
but you never can tell which end Of the pro-
eession is going to move first. You fix up
for tho drought you leave your umbrella
in the house and sally out with your sprink-
ling pot, and ten to one you get drowned.
You make up your mind hat the earthquake
is due, and you stand from under and take
hold Of something to steady yourself, and
the first thing you know you get struck by
lightning. These are great disappointments.
But they amt be helped. The lightning
there Is peculiar; it is SO convincing when
it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of
that thing behind for you to tell whether
well, you'd think it was something valuable
and q Congressman had been there