The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1878-11-21

'I'm 'aving a change of air" as Mr..
Jenkins said, when he put on new wig.
George Francis Train is now living on
one piece of dried apple a day. We are
interested in his swell-fare.
When a mans wife is in a cataract of
tears for nothing, the Yonkers Gazette
says it well Niagaravates man.
Tramps out this way live on the
choicest meats. Every one of them gets
warm tongue at most every house.
The Burlington HaUkeye regrets that
the dentists Of this country are SO much
addicted to the little game of draw.
81 amt a-takin' no trade dollars now,"
remarked a tramp to a benevolent old
lady, "Give us a gleenback, or nOthin'." !"
A gentleman who was located near one
of the fog signals this week, made up his
mind that unrest was fog horn conclU-
sion.
Here is the salutatory of a new editor
down in Maryland: "What have to say
to this community will be said gradu-
ally.V
Women are prOverbially severe in their
criticisms of each others attire. 1t
makes all the difference in the world
whose dress is gored.
A certain editor thinks that Richelieu,
who declared that "the pen IS mightier
than the swOru," ought to have spoken q
good word for the scissors.
It doesn't require a very imaginative
man to nave unutteTable thoughts when
he's whacked across the southern end of
his back with a muddy crosswalk.
The salary of the lightest congressman
in the house, if paid him in the silver
dollar he voted for, would weigh more
than Senator Davis. '.Soc ct tuUm."
"If you would succeed in this life, my
son" said Tom COrwIn, ''be solemn, sol
emn as an ass. All the monuments of
this world are built to solemn asses"
A Jersey City man was recently arrest
ed for smacking his wife across the nose
with a red and yellow wOrsted motto
bearing the words: "Home, sweet home"
Little Ned asked his father the other
evening who made the moon. "GOd," )"
answered the father. "Yes," said Ned,
Il can see the marks Of his dirty fingers"
A splendid item about a man getting
kicked all to pieces by a horse the other
day, was utterly spoiled by the careless
ness of the man himself, who climbed
into the haymOw and stayed there until
the. horse quit kicking, and yet cold
world may blame the reporter for this.
One Of the lady clerks in the interior
Department being told that she must
pronounce "Schurz" like "shirts" replied.
"f he is Shirts we girls are under.
shirts"
A clergyman. in Providence boasts that
he baptized twenty-eight persons in six
teen minutes, and a Buffalo editor SAYS
he would like TO see him at a sheep
washing.
Hearing that Mr.. G. F. Train now lives
on a piece of dried apple a day, the Buff
talo Express inquiries with intense feeling,
Are our dried apples to be wasted in
this manner %
With national cat show, hell con-
trOversy and a session of the legis-
lature at one time, there must be a strain
upon the minds of the unhappy beans
who inhabit Boston.
~ wish might die" said a sentimen-
tai maid, as she stood rubbing the shOuI-
der of her dress with benzine; and vet
the very next time he came, she let
him lay his head in the very same spot.
A minister did a wedding ceremony
cup brown" the other day when he mar
ried Mr.. David L. Brown, a brown hair
ed man, clothed in brown suiting, to Miss
Minnie Brown, a brown-eyed maiden,
likewise dressed III brown.
A poet weighing $50 pounds, yearns
ito twitter as a bird on some lone spray" !
When she gets on a spray and begins to |
twitter there is going to be an item for
the local paper, unless the spray is as
thick as an underground gas pipe.
A little boy asked his mother to talk |
to him, and say something funny. "How |
can /, 4" she asked, don't you see I am
busy making these pies?' "Well you
might say, Charlie won't you have a pie%
That would be funny for you"
"Who's your pastor, my dear? asked .
4 good lady from the. country. addressing
her daughter, who had been living in the /
city for several months. Really, moth
er, hardly know. I never saw him.
He was away on vacation last summer,
and on his lecturing tour during the win
er. l may get acquainted with him
next fall"