The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1878-07-30
COMICALITlLS.

FOLLOWING many vorations has
ruined the life of many man. Follow
ing none has ruined great many more.
IT is very singular fact that all the
shoes manufactured in the United
States, when they are shipped from the
MANUFACTURES, are box-stowed-H awkeye.
fifth " Got suG;,' y..1;.ss. :-~:s.
light about yer, Guv'ner?" Crusty old
boy-A light! What, dye want to 60
bed?"-London Fun.
"a MARKED change"-A silver quar-
ter with hole in it. How to make
match. safe-Soak the head of the match
in waLer.-Norristoaon { Pa.) Herald. -
AN unsuccessful lover was asked by
what means he lost his divinity. "Alas"
cried he, 81 fattered her until she
got too proud to speak to me-
At Bear Bear Greek , Col Col, watersnout
broke out in the hills, to the consterna.
ton of the miners, who did not recognize
the fluid. .....-s - .......sr
A WEST HILL man calls his horse
Cline" because when he is united"
he "waits" for no man" Burlington
Hawkeye. Il .. ..... .,.......... ........
GLOW nicely the corn pops" said a
young man who was sitting with his
sweetheart before the fire. "Yes," she
responded, demurely, otis got over be-
ing green
"SEE here, wife, you indulge that boy
too much. He is perfect mule" ooh,
husband, please don't accuse our boy of
having an ass for father" The old
man was silent.
"DID you ever dabble in stocks?
inquired a LAWYER Of a witness who was
known to have fled from his native land
to CHS asylum of the free. "Well, yes,
] got my foot in en- once in the old coun-
try" was the reply.
A NEW paper called the "Orcus"
comes to this office soliciting an exchange.
When we see some Of our paragraphs in
its columns mis-credited, we don't know
whether to exchange" Orcus." -Nmr.
Herald.
LIFE in Leitrim.-Saxon angler:
ooh, but l can't try for salmon, I hay
emit got license" Native.-"I Is it
license ye want to kill a fish? Shure we
might kill man or two about here an
nobody'd say a word t'ye"-Pnnch.
"DoN'T stand there loafng said the
master of grammar school to three
students standing where they shouldn't.
"We're not loafng," said one of them;
there are only three of us, and it takes
leven to make loaf"
FRIEND--(To scientific authority:
"Doctor, how is man to tell mush-
room from toadstool?' Scientific au-
thority: "By eating it. If you live,
it is a mushroom; if you die it is a toad
STOOL"
THERE has been a remarkable case of
constancy in England. A man who
separated from his wife thirty-fve years
ago has just returned and offered to
"kiss and make up" A few days prior
to the offer the wife had Inherited large
estate.-Boston Transcript.
a CYNIC from the country declares
that what Everybody" says is not true,
and that, Furthermore, Everybody is a
burned fool, and also a most persistent
liar. This may possibly be the case
sometimes. 1t is we'll to give both sides
a hearing. -C0mier-Journal.
BEING worsted by Sidney Smith in an
argument, thick headed squire took
his revenge by exclaiming, "If / had a
son who was an idiot, I'd make him a
parson." Every probably" said Smith,
"but | see your father was of different
mind"
The philosopher of the New York
Times has calculated that the flies in The
boarding houses of the city of New York
alone would, if gathered together, form
a pyramid with base of one thousand
feet square and a height of six hundred
and fifty feet. -rea -=- -3
"SoUND," said the schoolmaster, els
what you hear" For instance, you can
not feel sound" "Oh, yes, you can,"
said a smart boy. "John Wilson," re-
torted the pedagogue, chow do you make
that out? What sound can you feel?"
"a sound thrashing," quickly replied the
smart boy.
The Marquis or Lorne's grandfathers
and grandmothers were dukes and
duchesses, his father and mother the
same, and he had three uncles dukes and
si!.r.ec :aunts dnchesses, and his sister is
married to dukes eldest son; so,
though not royal, he may be said to be
"well Connected
"MR. PRESIDENT" said Buffalo al
derman, 81 makes der motion as DEF
new jail be built on der same spot as der
old Jail what's now standing; dat saves
der money for der land, and l makes der
motion as der old Jail shall not be pulled
down till der new jail is built, so We will
not De widdout der jail. "-Restca Conn
mercial Bulletin.
The Popular Air.-"Pm SO glad
you've come, Charley; we want to hear
one of your songs" Gail right; I've
only brought one though Nancy
Lee" ooh, dear; how unfortunate!
We've had that twice already, and all
the other gentlemen have brought it,
Fm.
In view of the urgent demand for
"subjects," revealed by the recent Ohio
grave-robbing sensation, and of the late
depredations of tramps in that distin-
guished state, the Ohio farmers are de-
voting themselves to that branch Of
political economy which treats of supply
and demand, with the idea of meeting a
"long:felt want" and Kidding the COM
munity of pest at one stroke.
A YOUNG man in the country, who has
to work there, writes: 81 have just re-
turned from harvesting wheat the
golden wheat that some ass writes such
glowing pictures about-and eating
golden butter and all that stuff. ii !
had that man by the windpipe I would
choke him. Ny fngersare blisteled and
my face is burned. l work sixteen
hours day and get one dollar.
In, =. a,,.a,., LIZ .,,,la..4.<,l 4l,a4 Il,