Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1878-09-21
The Old Family Journal.
VARIETY.

When a woman buys a rousche she always
makes afutf calculation as TO the cost.
Mrs. Meadows White sthe name of an In
glsh musical composer. She must be daisy.
Mr.. Stephens, being ngsunmarried, osteuis-
tiously styles his Georgia home Liberty
Hail.
Two elegantly dressed French women are at
Newput the guests of Jim James Gordon
Bennett. f;,s
When Gray said Awake LILLIAN Tyre.
awake" he was probably calling Mrs. jerks
When tooth begins 20 feel us il there wrs
chickca scratching at its root, KS sine to
pullct oct.
They call him "Appollo Potter now.
because every time he calls new witness he
strikes q fresh Tyre. i,' .-''
:" Bedad. an av it's nothing ye want" said
Pat. yell icind il in tie bottle where tie
whiskey was"
Sumner Drinks.p. II does, oh2 We al
ways thought our summer was a member oi
the temperate zone. % ~
How to preserve the purity Of the ballot box
--lock ihebcx ia FIRE proof safe aud throw
away the key.
The Philadelphia Bulletin suggests that
graduates of fcmale colleges be given the title
Of "Spinsters OF Arts
If there is any one who is anxious to know
how to make dollar, lie is respectfully invited
to visit the mint
Servant latter sithatiou'. " An 10 ycz 60
to Long Branch or Newport! For me own
part, have no preferences.
Pretty shoulders in wife. let her principles
be never 50 severe, are gu open sesame " 20
the husband in France.
In the way Of worship In hot weather, a
man thinks lie is doing wolI enough when lac
allows his wife to 60 to church.
An exchange heads an article Some Good
Indians" Ii must refer to those killed year
ago. They are good enough now.
Philosophy puts tramp in the shade. and
makes him think capitalists are growing blOai-
ted over the proceeds Of his energy
The height Of politencss is passing round
upon the opposite side Of lady, while walk
ing with her, in order not to step upon her
shadow.
A man advsrtises for "compeient persons
to undertake the sale for new medicine and
adds that j. will be profitable for the under
tdker.
Few farmers WI cvor come 10 UNDER
stand bow an artist can cit in the shade Of a
rock and sketch a landscape while bis arm Is
around girls waist.
Fifty.one metals arc now known 10 exist
thirty Of which have been discovered within
the present century -Four hundred years ago
but seven were known
D.. DR.. Samuol Sexton says that out Of some
eight hundred ear-Giiliculties during last
summer, sis,y.6ve were found 10 have had
their origin in saltwater bathing.
A fall Of one tenth Of an inch per mile viii
! produce motion IN rivers The greatest
/ velocity is at the surfIce aud in the middle,
and the least at the bottom and sides.
Gentleman (loq " say waiter, Eye just
cracked this egg. Look at i. Waiter
" Don't look very nice at that end, sir, must
say. Try the other"
II is one thing to dare 10 DO right, and an
other thing 10 refuse dish Of ice cream ii-
yorej with brandy just after returning from
visit TO blast furnace in July. 5fr
Doesn't Boston harbor remind you Of The
bay Of Naples7' asked an enthusiastic yachts
man. " Yes" vas the answer, "at least in
one respect They are both full Of water"
An exchange, in Q moment Of rapture
wants 10 know (" the difference Between a
claret punch and pretty girls Fps. Tho
difference is that the latter don't 60 good
through straw
1t is very depressing 70 =. GUNNER congre-
CATION 10 sce tho Minister, in The most eloquent
and impassioned passage Of bis sermon, ges-
ture with one hand aud fight dies with the
other.
80 We all knows" said cockney school
committeeman 10 new teacher he was exam-
ming Tor her position, that a, Is and IS
wowels, but what We want 10 know is " they
is 80. -
why are the men Of genius 50 often bacbe-
lors ?" asks Mrs Kate SanbOrn. As genius
is merely another name for excellent common
sense, any answer is apt to make the married
man look bad By sfnUast.
"What Is .ho national ar Of this county 70
asked a foreigner in Washington. " That is
the national lair, replied the native, pointing
to the capitol, but the animals are all out u
the Jungle Just now, chasing voters"
The following correspondence explains
itself: Dear Mrs Jones-please let ne
have a half.dozen tomatoes II you can. Sally
smith" Dear Mrs. Smitb-We are not
going to can We propose to pickle. Hannah
Jones"
Edwin Booth as picbeleu said in Chicago
theatre &" France, my mistress France, ny
welded wife, who shall proclaim divorce 'twiat
me and thee T. ,snJ afteEa solemn pause some
body in the gallery said " Most any Chicago
Judge"