The Hickman courier., 1878-07-12
WAITS AND wHrMs-
"A little domestic scene, as described
by the rhymer of the Boston Commercial
Bulletin:


And he gave the poodle beneath bis chair
prod with the point Of his crufch-
BI, what can they do that Is ussiqlp' he Yelled
Can they sew, OF sweep. or cook. or clean,
Or darn the holes in their stockingl"
Darn the bolts In their stoc King :" she criei,
With half hysterical thriek;
All. no indeedi What tue poor girls need
bathorough knowledge OF Greekl"
.She-"What age do you think
am ?' He, gallantly--'1 don't know,
but you don't look it."
..Itnu make a letter carrier awful
mad TO have his physician tell him he
needs more outdoor exercise Hawk
eye.
1t is curious scientific fact that the
success of a steam propeller is largely
due to the fact that there's screw loose
somewhere.
"A philosopher says rich people, as a
rule, do not have large funerals. They
are the exclusive property Of poor people
who want to be thought rich.
Sidney Smith once rebuked a swear
ing visitor by saying, "Let us assume
that every thing and everybody are
damned and proceed with our suhiect.n
"A cynical old practitioner says:
lady who practices medicine commits
two faults--she increases the number OF
doctors and diminishes the number of
women"
"A devoted husband says that the
l0honograph is simply machine that
"'alks back" and he has had one of that
kino in his house ever since he was
marriet
The fac that George Washington's
wife never assed where he had been
when he cane hone late at night, goes
great ways toward accounting for his
extreme truthfuIness.
"A doctor went out for days hunt
ing, and, on coming home, complained
that he hadn't killed anything. "That's
because you didn't attend to your legiti-
mate business" said his wife.
-" Mr.. Jones, you said you were con-
nected with the fine arts. Do you mean
that you are a sculptorr' "No, sir;
don't sculp myself, but furnish the
stone to the man what does"
Advice to young writer's: IfHou
would be clear and forcible, don't use
foreign words Be natural. A man
never stops TO hunt up a foreign word
when he is stung by hornet.
Queen Victoria's new saloon rails
way car is one of the most beautiful Of
its. kind ever built, as may well be
imagined from tie fact that it's construc-
ton and fittings cost over $4,000.
"A chronic growler, who lived in
clearinghouse, kept the landlady in a
state of torment all through the holidays
by always remarking at meal time,
Things are getting tough, / tell you"
"A circus band may too. in front Of a
newspaper Office for hours, but that
doesn't make up for the failure to liqui-
date an advertising BILL Cincinnati
Saturday Night. No, it is miserable
substitoot. tt Philadelphia Bulletin.
"A young lady from Georgetown
came to the city the other day 70 haye
ner picture JaKen. W men the artist
showed her the "prooi" and asked her
how she liked it, she placidly remarked
that he "put too dsrDed much mouth
on it to suit her"
professor eloquently holding forth
TO the Junior rhetoric class. One OF its
members on the back seat, likewise hold
ing forth to her neighbor.) Professor
al beg pardon, Miss A, l believe inter
rupted you.' Miss A." Oh, no, not
at all had finished"
"A Chicago girl, eight years old, had
one of her legs permanently shortened
by falling through coal hole, and a
jury gave her $500 damages. 1t is
pathetic now to see string of girls on
hand there every morning waiting for
that coal hole TO be opened.
The Married State.-Marriage Is
not commonly unhappy, but as life Is
unhappy and most of those who COM
plain of connubial miseries have as
much satisfaction as their natures would
have admitted, or their conduct pro-
cured in any other condition.
Robinson (after long whist bout at
the club" It's awfully late, Brown
What will you say to your wife p
Brown lin a whisper) )-"o Ishan't say
much, you know: Good morning, dear
or something o. that sort. She'll say the
restp
How much sweeter will life become
when the newspapers cay " fishsrmen "
or anglers" instead of "disciples of
Izaak Walton" and dancers instead
OF "votaries Of terpsichorep But IL
will never happen, never.-[New Or
leans Times.
80" Bill, how did you and Tom end
that dispute Sunday "Why, called
him a liar and dropped the subject"
"Called him liar Did he take IL ?"
take It? or course he took It But I
dropped simultaneously with the sub.
ject."-[ Breakfast Table.
An aged man ssid "If husbands
only had any sense they'd never have
any trouble with diBobedient wives. /
never did, an have been married nigh
onto fifty years." "What is your
secret?" asked a friend. Why, /
always tell my wife to do just IS she
| -. -, -. ,,o.,a,. faffu 20 ID n -