The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1878-04-06
Our @liu.
Fashionable WOrshipping.

There are many phases of worship in
church which never fail to strike the oh.
server who does not pay that attention to
the sermon which he ought to do. We
confess that We are of the latter, unayoi-
dably, but it is the result of the force of
habit, our business being to "look around
in all places to see what is "going on.
Lately, while in church, we noted and
classified these phases of worship = FIRST.
there is the deeply attentive and reverent-
ial wOrshiper, who is absorbed in all tina,
Is uttered and sung. His countenance
betokens piety which is sincere; there is
faith in his eyes and truth on his lips; but
the number of these is small. Second. is
the comfortable worshipper, who enters the
church well pleased with himself. and pa-
rades down the isle with all the stately
dignity Of a well loaded ship in the chan
mel of u stream flowing on to a safe har-
Dor. Acting as convoy to his wife, who
Is fresghted with charms and virtues which
he wOrships, the twain take their seats
highly satisfied with each other. After
boring their heads in supposed PRAYER
during which the man plays with his heavy
gold lob chain, and the woman rubs the
ereases out Of her gloves, they raise their
heads radiant with smiles, and then at once
begin to worship each other in the ten
derest of glances When this ceremony is
ended a wide observation is taken of all
present, in the act of which there is min
gled feeling of envy, spite, depreciation,
and even hate. THIRD, is the saint. as the
mantuamaker and milliner produces her.
in powder and rouge, immaculate in friIls
and curls. She glides down the aisle. a
thing OF beauty, but not a Joy forever
Her step Is as noiseless as the fall of an
autumn leaf, and her presence distills as
many odors as Kepple's hot-house. 1t
consumes at least ten minutes to seat this
object of self aud Others admiration. and
having bowed her plumed head on her
jewelled hand in artistic prayer, she again
tosses (raises would be too common) her
head upward, and in one sharp glance can
tell the color of ribbon, the quality of
every piece of Jswelry and the style of
every dress within range of her vision.
lt Is wonderful how comprehensive Is the
glance of a lady in church. When she
has satisfied herself in this manner, her
worship begins by admiration of her hands
aud stolen glances at her tightly gathered
feet. Alternately pinching her lips, and
gently lingering her laces, affords the
chance Of displaying her rings From be-
hind her fan she worships her ssdear
Charles in the pew beyond, or turns dark
glanees of envy at Miss Malapop on the
other side, who figures in 4 new brOcadc.
Fourth, is the tailors saint, a young man
who parts his hair over less brains than
moves the vital force of any biped, resplen
dent in loud broadcloth and ponderous
rings and watch chain, with a club cane
heavy enough to serve as the fulcrum of
a stone quarry. In the light of the elders
he is child of God, ornamental in his
adornment in congregation, and useful
as drawing young ladies to hear the Cos
pei. He only takes half his quantity of
tobacco in church, and scrapes his finger
nails with an ivory handled kuife. If he
owns Q gold watch he consults it every ff-
teen minutes. There is that in his face
which puzzles the physiognomist. The
animal predominates over the spiritual,
but the young man worships hiimseLf' with
faith that frequently causes him much
trouble with his tailor and barber. He
affects to listen attentively, but seldom, if
ever comprehends what the pastor says;
nevertheless his worship proceeds, and
whatever of alteration he has to spare
from himself, he showers on the dear crea-
ture before him, or turns with equal sense
of admiration to the fair matron by his
side, while she changes her moss-agates
from her little finger. We are far from
cynical; indeed we love the human kind,
and are charitable in our views of human
defects and frivolities. But modern
church worship antagonizes us, IN the
shapes we find it as thus imperfectly
sketched