Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1878-06-06
ONE ILLUSION LESS.


been invented to explain why young la
dies do not snore. Mr.. Darwin thinks
that no one shores unless he sleeps ly-
ing on his personal back, and that mas
much as girls always sleep coiled up af-
ter the custom of cats, they could not
snore even IL they were willing TO des-
cend to such depth of baseness. This
explanation is perfectly worthless. Mr..
Darwin's assertion rs 10 the position in
which girls sleep is mere presumption.
He has no evidence 10 support this as
49, and in the nature of things it
- r.I5FossIble that he should have any
and he ought to be ashamed of himself.
Mr.. Huxley pretends that the proximate
cause of snoring is relaxation of the
muscles of the face. "The tightnesss
with which the female back hair is
twisted prior to sleeping this
bold but too speculative naturalist
'sprevents the relaxation of the muscles
of the scalp and face, and hence rem
ders snoring impracticable. This is a
beautiful provision ofnature, and shows
that the back hair is not merely an Or
nament, but like every other work of
nature. serves high and holy purpose.
If the Rev. Joseph Cook had read these
remarks, with what Joy would he have
proceeded to tear Prof. Huxley's argu-
ment to tatters. To say that girls do
not snore because their back hair is
tightly twisted, is to ignore the fact that
the back hair is always detached and
hung on the back of chair whenever
its owner prepares for sleep. How,
then, can it exercise any possible infu-
ence upon snorings Like Mr.. Darwin,
Prof. Huxley is very able man so long
as be confines himself TO extinct ami
mails, but when he undertakes TO dis
cuss girls he falls into abysses of error.
Apparently, he is perfectly unaware that
back hair is detachable. "Get thee to
a nunnery," Prof. Huxley and learn
the true nature of back hair before build
ing theories upon no better basis than
your own ignorance.
while learned men have thus vainly
sought to find why girls do not snore, 1t
does not seem to have occurred to them
that perhaps girls do snore after all.
On what is the universal belief that
snoring is exclusively a masculine
vice basedi Obviously upon purely
gIrlish testimony. Every girl claims
that she does not snore. 1t is plainly
her interest to make this claim, and she
well knows that no one can produce ev-
idence to contradict her. The truth is,
this fancied freedom Of the fair sex from
the loathsome and objectionable prac-
tee of snoring has no substantial fonn-
dalton, and a recent event has conclu-
sively shown that girls both can and do
snore. The world may, perhaps, be
slowSto believe so unwelcome an asscr-
ton, but there is at least one young
man, late OF Clinton. ILL.,, who knows to
his sorrow that II Is true.
Thisunhappy young man was engaged
70 one of the fsirest daughters of ILL.,
nois, and was intrusied by her parents
with the precious privilege of convey
ing her 10 Oshkosh, where she INTENDED
TO visit her fathers half-sister. The
train in which the young people trav-
eled started late in the afternoon. and
arrived in Oshkosh early the next morn
ing. The FIRST part Of the journey was
delightful. The young man heaped
peanuts and prize-paekages, and illus
trated papers. aud fresh figs, and other
railway delicacies upon his beloved, and
he felt that be could travel on that train
for eighteen months without even once
wishing to get out and stretch his legs.
Evening however, arrived, and about
nine o'clock the young lady, in low
tone and with slight blush, remarked
that she must retire. and That per-
haps her lover would like to 90 into the
smoking car for little while. He was.
Of course, familiar with the western