The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-05-03
MFRS. FEEeGUe3N's GONFEs-
SION.

a Narrowing Tale for TiIton TO Read
Charity Causes Multitude of Mis-
eries-And the End not Yet.
Gregory, in the BuffOlo Express
The Fergusons were q very happy
family for several years, and until
around them. One day the wife,
Elizabeth by name, who had grown
stout and unwieldy, and somewhat
prepossessing withal, sat suddenly
down in a rather large rocking
chair, and burst both the arms of
the same. The husband heard the
noise and came rushing in. "Hah /"
he exclaimed with a fine rush of
genius to his classic head, this
looks suspicious. Tell me, Madame,
where is the man ?" The Madame
protested she hadn't seen a man in
six months, at the same time look
ing Mr.. Ferguson full in the face.
"But I insist" remarked the gentle
men, "that this is what might be
called too thin. See l measure this
chair and l find that your amplitude
does not fill it more than comfort
ably. So far from detaching these
arms in an effort to sit down you,
might easily have risen, with your
hands folded in front, and walked
away without carrying the chair
with you. Do you mean to tell me
Madame, that there has not been
an attempt, during my temporary
absence, to make this chair carry
two5 Come nowl fs it not too abb
PC Me- ToHrronn
moment, saying to herself, "Any-
thing for peace. Anything to beat
this dreadful suspicion" Worn out
by q constant attempt for half an
hour to make her confess to some
thing of which che was guiltIess, she
finally wrote:
81 do confess with stricken heart and
an overwhelming sense of shame. that
the rocking chair was broken in a vain at
tempt OF the Rev. Brigham Young and
myself to occupy it at one and the same
time"
With cry of joy Mr.. Furguson
rushed to the several newspaper
Offices and had the confession insert
ed in all the journals of the day land
then Immediately sat down and
wrote several volumes of poems, q
novel or two, and lecture upon
the peculiar properties of Yiolets,
all of which speedily brought him
much money and reputation. There
was a serpent, however, in this sud-
denly accomplished Eden. The Rev.
Brigham Young saw the confession,
and was quite indignant about 1T.
"What in thunder does this mean ?''
astonished into some, perhaps, par.
donable, violence. "Who in the
name of the prophets is this Eliza
beth Ferguson, and why should
yearn for an old, rather consump-
tive and hVsterical woman when l
have more women than I can get
along with now? What does this
mean anyhow" He put on his
ulster and called on Mrs Ferguson.
That oppressed lady was suffering
with more or less illness and
couldn't talk much but she made a
confession, which Mr.. Young gave
to the papers the next day:
| sworn out with ceaSeless opportunities
| on the part of my husband, and weaken ed
by sickness, L was induced to say that the
Rev. Brigham Young assisted me In
breaking the rocking chair. l find tina: ]
was mistaken. 1 alone am respg nsible for
the calamity, heaven help me- but dc
assure an anxious public that will never
10 so again.
His acquittal thus assured, as he
thought, the Rev. Brigham Young
whooped and danced, and even ran
out into the backyard and, forget
ting to remove his hat, tried to
stand on his head. Mr.. Ferguson
naturally felt sad; he even ground
his teeth at the thought that the
world would believe his wife white
souled. 81 see how it is" he said
finally. 81 shall have to sue the old
reprobate and collect damages
Pausing merely to borrow severa
thousand dollars of the Rev. Brig.
ham Young, and write a move
founded on the rocking chair, anC
do up few poems for the news
papers, he consulted the lawyers
and the result was great trial. Th'
public will remember Mrs. Fer
guson's attitude at the time. Tn,
court wouldn't let her testify !; 80 sht
did up little confession in a wac
and hurled it at the presiding Judge
hitting him with it in the left ey,
and greatly astonishing him. Il
this confession she said:
81 assure your honor it's no such thing
, call upen heaven to witness that m
youngest son broke the chair with his new
boots, and neither the Rev. Brigham
: Young nor anyone else had anything t
do with it. l was absent at the time
fishing for cells in New Jersey and beside
there never was q rocking chair in Ia
q house, not even little one."
This was q hard blow to Mr.. Fer
; guson /; but he was not utterly dis
! courage6, and the suit went or
s The trial lasted six months, Nj
t Ferguson filling up his spare tim
: with various sweet poems, lecture
), and books, which were scattere
{ like the leaves of the forest. TIL
Jury disagreed, and both he and th
Rev. Brigham Young claimed
: Victory-which showed what trul
: righteous men they were, being a
= satisfied with small favors as
. heaven had blessed them wit
81 greater ones. The public had SCI
# tied down to the conviction that
e didn't know much about this cas-
II all things considered, when, like
3 clap of thunder, came the fourt
e confession from Mrs. Ferguson:
Il s'I think that 1 have inadvertentl
q stated that the Rev. Brigham Your
v didn't JOIN me in breaking the rockin
% chair. / ind after careful inspection
the case, that he did, and it Is my pr
found impression that he did it on pu
Is pose, too. 1 make this confession becau
l. OF 3 quickened conscience. I never like
20 secrets, and l have carried this one
If leng that it has become like continu
e blister. The Rev. Brigham Young
+ guilty. The public are invited to call Al
- examine the pieces of the rocking-cha
which have been carefully preserved In
&c glass case, regardless of EXPENSE"
% This is the case as far as it b
ol gone. We understand that the
will be another and more elabora
~ confession tomorrow, wherein Mi
~ Ferguson will say that it was b
"a own mother who broke the cha
3 assisted by a well-known lawy
D. named DermaB, who goes abo
IL perpetually crying out over b
/: great sin and again that the moi
re supposed to have been caused
ut the breaking of the chair was.mer
e. ly the sighing of the autumn win
r through the leafess trees, the chs
~ ct the time being alone and unC
! a cupied, save with its own though
u in the attic of the Ferguson esta
- lishment. And. even this will q
"a be the end of it. We look into t
m future some ten years TO see the
m confessions issued as q daily pap