The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-08-08
WHOLE NO. 1924.
Miscellaneous.

You have all heard of malecontent, but
did you ever see femalecontent
What sort of a voice has a washer
woman2 Why, soap-rano, of course.
Song by the watering place mosquito:
"Oh give me hum by the sea"
The fishing is excellent in the Adiron-
dacks, and there are 250,000 mosquitoes
to one fish.
The butcher who sells OK tails for soup
and calves head for dinners undoubtedly
makes both ends meat.
Fewer men have gone to destruction
over the brink of Niagara than have been
destroyed by the little cask-aids.
1t was we'll that the Berlin Congress
got the boundaries of Greece firmly fixed
before that hot weather last week.
Jennie Quigley, the dwarf, says she
makes money by being small She hasn't
monopoly of the business, by any
means.
A new song will soon appear. called
Put your arms around ME pet; for the
old mans eyes are shet."
The air is SO balmy that the young wo-
man who is taking piano lessons can have
the windows up. This is very gratifying
to US.
An exchange heads an article "Some
Good Indians" 1t must refer to those
killed year ago. They are good enough
now.
There is wonderful power in imagi-
nation, but it gets weak in the knees
when it undertakes to shoulder circus
lemonade.
A Connecticut woman was appointed
constable the other day, and the first
thing she said was: Now l shall catch
man"
"The bandage has been removed from
Emperor Williams head" This cheer
ing news comes by cable, and may be
relied upon.
A lady on the west side, joking the
other day about her nose, said, II had
nothing to do in shaping it. 1t was a
birthday present"
The Empress of Austria wears train
thirty feet long, and when she walks up
stairs the disheartened Emperor goes up
in the elevator.
The closest shave in the way of joke
recently is the observation that the grass
is so short in Colorado that it has to be
lathered before it can be moved.
young man in Berks county played
coquet eleven hours without stopping for
refreshment. Such a person needs no
brain stimulant - having no brain to
stimulate.
When a man goes abroad he likes to
hear news from home, but we don't know
whether his favorite fiction is stories
from Homer not.
The reason why no appropriation was
made to complete the Washington mon
ument is that it is not an appropriate
monument.
She was plump and beautiful, and he
was wildly fond of her; she hated him,
but woman-like she strove to catch him.
He was flea.
A man often feels light hearted on
hearing of the demise of a wealthy rela-
tive, but this can't be said of him when
he misses ferry boat.
Germans have the reputation of being
extravaganza they display in spelling
"Musick Hallel'
shrewd confectioner out West has
taught his parrot to say pretty crea-
ture !" to every lady who enters his shop,
and his business is rapidly increasing.
"Who is this Thanatopsis hear so
much about2' asked Bessie of her big
brother "Why, sis, Thanatopsy was
Bryant's eldest daughter" was big broth
er's reply.
lady chemistry student, hearing a
sailor spoken of as an "old salt" after
ward alluded to him as venerable
sodium chloride"
Mrs. Fortune, of Halifax, has given
birth to twins-girls. A verifcation of
the old adage, Miss Fortunes never come
singly.
The five college girls who were made
bachelors of arts the other day are now
making for the hearts of bachelors. The
difference between them and poets is that
they are not born but maid bachelors.
American peanuts have been introduc-
ed into Southern France. The French
man makes them into real olive oil"
which he exports to America, where we
smack our lips over it and say "How
strange olives won't grow in this coun-
try"
Now stealthily from patch to patch
Proceeds the youthful felon,
And many luckless farmer man
Bemoans the watermelon.
An awkward man, attempting to carve
a goose, dropped it on the floor. "There
now p exclaimed his wife, we've lost our
dinner" "Oh! no, my DEAR" answered
he, "it's safe. l have my foot on it"
A pious French priest recently gave
out an announcement as follows: "lf it
rains in the morning the procession will
rains in the afternoon the procession will
take place in the morning"
"Sam, you are not honest. Why do
you put all the good peaches on the top
of the measure and the little ones below?'
Same reason, sab, dat makes de front of
your house all marble and de back gate
chiefly slop barl, sab"
"Why did you leave your last place p
inquired a young housekeeper, about to
engage a new servant. why you see,
ma am, replied the applicant, 81 was too
good looking and when l opened the
door folks took me for the missus."
"The pen" remarked the late Cardinal
Richelieu, like summer cheese, is mitier
! than the sword" Excuse me, your
Eminence," replied a Hawkeye reporter.
Excuse me; but l served in the cavalry,
and l know the sword is smitier than the