davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1878-10-31
Sips of Fun.

sips of Hum.
A little honest work NIGH
be a good thing to reduce fat
people.
When man gets bald in Col.
orado they say that his head has
got above the timber line.
1t is said mosquitoes are bred
upon the waters. In that case
they will return again before
many days.
The foundation for the meanest
man is laid when a small boy
turns the worm hole of an apple
for his companion TO bite from.
An anxious inquirer wants to
know why plugging a water
melon means to cut a hole in
it, while plugging tooth means
to fill it up.
An ancient sage says: "It is
a serious thing to marry. 1t is
a life business" etc. That was
written before Indiana estab-
lished divorce courts.
The man who can hum a
hymn while jointing stove-pipe
is good enough to walk right in
to full membership of any
church, without probation.
A graveyard inscription in Ken.
nebunk, Me-, reads thus: "Poor
Joe |! his head is level now, if it
never was before" This is a
grave as well as a true remark.
A French hotel-keeper re-
Gently brought in a bill of ST.
400 against the estate of q man
who had died at his hotel, ''for
to the room by dying in
it,"
Somebody having remarked
that there are ~ muscles in the
human head, the Belfast, Me-,
Journal remarks that some peo-
pie have rs of these muscles in
their chins.
A courtly negro recently sent
a reply to an invitation, in which
he regretted that circumstan-
ces repugnant TO the acquies-
ccnce would prevent his accep-
tance to the invite" !"
A scientist says angle.worms
do not suffer when put on the
hook. They wlggle around out
of pure JOY, we suppose, the
same as a man does when a
good-looking woman steps on
his corn.
An old granger, who came in
to town TO purchase piano for
his daughter, asked the agent if
he hadn't one with a handle in
the end, $50 we can all give it
turn once in while. Norris
toaCn Herald.
"Whcn tempted to kick a
man." says Scotch philoso-
pher, "stop and remember that
you may some day want a favor
Of him. Tempted men gener-
ally stop to see if the other fell
low is the biggest.
A married man of New Hamp-
shire has adopted an original
method of economy. One morn
ing, recently, when he knew his
wife would see him, he kissed the
servant girl. The house expenses
were instantly reduced $500 per
year.
Mrs. Coats was comforting
with a dentist about new set
of teeth. "The chewing capac-
ity of these teeth is unsur-
passed." said the dentist. MAY
be / can chaw with 'em," said
the lady, "but can / jaw with
'em?"
The wife of minister found
him feeding chickens with dough
in the dining-room. See "shoed'
the chickens ont, her husband
boxed her ears, she complained to
the church and it compelled him
to resign-put him out on a fowl,
so to speak.
"Who," asks an inquisitive
editor, ''is paying our national
Idebt?" Well, there is no use
keeping the secret any longer.
We are paying it; we have
paid millions and millions of il
since the war closed, but we in
tend to stop it at the end Of the
next fiscal year. 1t makes
Ifrightful hole in our salary.
Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1878-10-31

David Whitmer is in possession
Of the original manuscript of the
"Book Of Mormon," and Elders
Pratt and Smith of the Mormon
Church have just been to bis
home in Richmond, Mo, to secure
the book. They urge that it
ought to be deposited for safe
keeping in Salt Lake City, and of
lered to buy it; but Whitmer, who
has kept it for nearly bali CEN
tury, refused to give it up.
Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1878-10-31

Mr.. and Mrs. Barnes met in
San Francisco after separation
of twelve years. He had been
seeking fortune with moderate
success, on the Pacific coast. She
had been living in Pennsylvania.
Did they rapturously embrace at
sight of each other !? No, she
drew a revolver and fred three
times at him, and he knocked her
down witb-a cane. 1t seems that
he bad deserted her. and she had
fouad him after a long search.
Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1878-10-31

As the Paris exposition draws
to close the number Of daily vis-
|itors increases. The average is
now above one hundred thousand
per day.
Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1878-10-31

A Baltimore man has invented
new paper collar which he calls
the Worm, because it win inrn.
Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1878-10-31

Iar Two Dollars for one year, sn0a-
rsablg in adcance, TIVE Dollars and
Fifty Gents if payment be deferred three
months. All papers going out Of the county
10 be paid for IN ddrGnce.
sG- Single copies, Five Cents each.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
MARRYING AN EDITOR.

Yes, I'm Mrs. Snow, an editors
wife. i well remember the day when
Mr.. Snow asked me to become his
wife, / confessed / liked Mr.. Snow,
and thinking it would be a fine thing
to be the wife of an editor. 1 said,
''yes," as pretty as / knew how, and
and l became Mrs. Snow. / have
seen ten years of married life, and
find nay husband to be an amiable,
good-natured a He always
spends his evenings at home, and is
in that respect a model man, but he
always brings a pile Of exchanges,
which is only limited by the length of
his arms, and reads while / patch the
knees and elbows of his pantaloons
and coat. After we had q quaker
meeting an hours length, / broke
stiffness by asking:
"Mr. Snow did you order the coal
| spoke to you about?"
What did you say, my dear, he
asked, after a minutes si'ence..''
ibid you order that coal that I
! spoke to you about?"
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26

"Indeed, my dear, / am sorry, bu.
l forgot all about it. 1t shall come
tomorrow"
Another hours silence, which re.
lieved by the baby's crying, or some
such noise of that sort, had Lot the
effect of stopping him.
"My DEAR" says Mr.. Snow, after
he has cried a minute or so, ''you ha(
better give the baby some catnip tee
to quiet him he troubles me-"
The baby is still. Another houl
passes without a breath Of noise. Be.
coming tired, l take a lamp and re.
tire for the night, leaving Mr.. Snow
SO engaged. with his papers hal he
does not see me leave the room
Towards midnight he comes to bed.
and just as he has fallen asleep th'
baby takes a notion to cry again.
rise as quietly as possible and try t.
still him. Then another baby scream
at the top of his lungs. There is NJ
other course but to wake Mr.. Snow
and so l say:
.sMr. Snow! Mr.. Snow!"
Tie third time he starts up an
cries: "What, Tom-more copy!
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
Is TRUTH STRANGER THAN
FICTION.

n Yankee pcddler, who had stop
ped i'll a coffee house to refresh him
self, n hot day, heard a very sage
looking old gentleman remark. in
answer to Il frienu who had been re-
latin9 some marvellous story, said to
be true:
Truth is indeed stranger that fic-
ton"
SO Jonathan, stepping up and slap
ping the astonished man on the back,
said:
you're mistaken right thar, old
boss; faint so, and to o it, I'll
wager You iuleps for the crowd that
| can tell you one fiction that'll jest
60 ahead Of am truth as ever you
heard tell on"
Good" said the old gentleman,
"Id like to heag any fiction that can
go aghead of Christopher Column
bus"
"Pohaw! Christopher amt a sar-
cumstance," said jonathan; "but
here goes:
"OnstI was standing by a big
river, out in Salary desert, what
was dried up. The sun shone so all
fired hot that | was obleeged to tie
my Handkerchief over my eyes to
keep from being blinded; and. as |
was standin' thar, | happened to
look down the river, and seed Il big
boat, without any bottom; come floa-
tin up the stream, with n hull lot of
tellcrs in her. One of 'em had no
eyes, t'other had no arms, another
no legs, and the last chap, in the
stern of the boat, he had no mouth.
eve seed SIGH a sight afore; L was
scared, l tell ye, and jist stood and
looked at 'em. Presently, the chap
as had no eyes looked down and seed
a ten cent piece at the bottom of the
river, and the filler wot had no arms
leant over and picked it up, then
handed it to the chap what had no
legs, and he jumped out of the boat,
waded to shore, went to the grog-
shop wot wusn't there, Dought a
pint of whisky, and handed it to the
Teller as had no mouth, and he drink
ed it up; and all of the rest got
drunk. The last / seed of 'em. the
fel!er wot had no mouth was singin'
Hail Columby,' while the chap wot
had no legs was dancin'; the no-eyed
chap was readin' a text out on a
psalm book, and the Teller wOt had
no arms wes clappin' his hands and
waving his hat like blazes, and / left
jest about that time. What's Chris
TOPPER Columbus now, old hoss?"
"Juleps for the crowd, and charge
to mel" roared the old gentleman, as
he bolted out of the back door.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
s.EEIGAGED."

When a girl is known to be engas
ed, observes a writer in the Lady
| Journal, she Immediately becomes /
object of sentimental interest to q
| her lady friends, and, at the SAN,
time, finds that men cease to be afraid
eff her, and pay her an amount of at
tention to which she has hitherto
been unaCcustOmed. She can refuse
a disagreeable partner at q ball, as
she has 4 name available 70" all blank
on her card. She has the use of an
escort without scandal, and If she
likes it, she may wear out her Old
clothes, as her trousseau is supposed
to be in progress. But men have
none of these advantages, and to them
the term of engagement is generally
tedious enough. They may not hlrt,
and they find presents even more ex-
pensive than their tailor. Constant
bringing and carrying becomes mo-
notonous, and they soon notice great
falling off IN the number of their III
vitations to dinner. Pretty young
ladies no longer smile upon them,
but quietly relinquish them to their
idols, while they bestow their favors
elsewhere. The male lover has to
bear all the irksomencss Of the situa-
ton. He has early used up his stock
of pretty phrases. He cannot have
the first kiss twice over. He be-
gins to grow critical about dress and
manners, sensitive to the impression
his beloved may make upon his
friends, and, having exhausted the
round OF prenuptial bliss, will begin
to cool in his ardor unless he is vcvy
delicately handled, and the difficult
road to matrimony, carefully sm Doth
Cu DcI'lIt ilIll. FUN t1tS Siabt Va
things frequently arises that danger
ously sweet paslime-lovers' quar-
rels. But the young lady Who re-
sorts to this stimulant must lie very
sure Of her lover, or he will escape
her. Quarrels may, in sotne cases,
renew love; bat not often. In fact,
it may he q serious question whether
Il quarrel is yer really etlicacious,
because ii it is not perfectly real it is
obviously a failure, and if it is real
it may be final. We cannot recon-
mend quarrels, then, ven with high
classical authority in their favor.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26

gress, developed amazing recupera-
tive energy, and become a formidable
rival of nations with longer industrial
pedigrees and more obvious natural
endowments.
In the printing department the new
composing machine works wonders.
The apparatus is not unlike a piano
and is composed of a series of verti-
cal tubes, placed side by side; each
tube is filed with one kind of letter.
These tubes all converge at the lower
end, into one pipe, which abuts upon
q horizontal trench.
The compositor has before him a
keyboard, upon the notes of which
the letters of the alphabet are mark
ed. When he strikes one of these
notes the corresponding tube opens,
and drops the letter indicated into
the trench, where a special mechan-
ism advances it to the place it is in
tended to occupy. The types then
pass into the justifier, a kind of
movable metallic frame, of a size
suitable to the line which is to be
printed. Each line, when composed,
is lowered, to give place to the suc-
ceeding one. The superior rapidity
of this method is evident. By the
usual mode a skilful compositor can
turn off 1900 letters in an hour by
this machine it is possible to make
230 1000 notes in the same time; but
allowing for the fatigue of the fing-
ers, it is no eXageration to put the
average at G0,000 notes an hour.
There is, of course, the difficulty of
reading the manuscript, which delays
the rapidity of the work; but even if
the machine made no more than 5000
notes, it would be a great saving of
time and labor. The operation of re-
placing the letters in their respective
tubes is performed by a machine
having an exactly reverse arrange
ment to the preceding one. The
composing and distributing machines
which, under the name of Chambers
have now been brought to great per-
fiction, are now in successful use in
the office of the London Times.
A good story is told of a Washing
tonian who hired a conveyance du-
ring the recent strike of cabmen and
drivers. Upon the nan saying, at
is 100 sous an hour" the hirer re-
Piled" ''All right, sdrive on" He
kept the cab four hours, and then,
having finished his business, asked
the driver how III he had to pay
him. "Four hours" replied the
man; ''that will be 20 francs"
''Then drive me to the prefecture of
the police" replied the Washington
ian. The driver, thunderstruck, en-
deavored to make concessions. On
the way to the station he stopped the
cab at a tobacconists, and got out to
buy a cigar. His purchase finished,
he left the shop and looked for his
cab, when, behold, cab, driver, and
horse had all disappeared, and Mon
had had the use of n carriage
for four hours without its costing him
q sou. ALPHA.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
H!IIIIIHIIHIIIiIIEHII!


Humphrey Hubbard had heard
Hephzibah Higgins humming hymns
h~ilariously, he having helped llepll-
zibah homeward. Humphrey hank
cred hugely, harboring handsome
Hephzibah heartwise. He had high
hawthorn hedges hiding his handsome
house, harnessed horses hauling har,
rows, he hoeing hills, helping herds
hewing hemlocks, hacking hemp,
harvesting hops, hunting hawks,
hunting Matching hens. Hephzibah
helpful housekeeper, hemmed hand
kerchiefs, boarded honey hitherto
hived, heeled horse having holes,
handled harpsichord tremendously
happy Hephzibah? Herhonest, home.
ly happiness hit Humphrey heavily.
He lowered, handsomely habited.
limiting humbly how Hephzibah had
narrowed his heart. Hepzlbah honored
his hearty homage. Hating, how.
ever, haphazard haste, Hephzibal
hung her head, hating hemming,
having, hoping Humphry had harm
less habits-hypocritical, hesitating
Hephzibah! He held her hand hope
fully, hungrily humoring her. Hap
PLY Hephzibah needed her hirsute
hero. Hymen hitched Humphrey
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Higgins, he
hugging her happily hysterical.
Henceforth husband helped house
wife hop hornpipes, holding honey
moon holiday, hardly hearing harle-
quins bowling fallelujahs, halline
house-warming. Ha! hal Ho! no
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
TRUSTEES SALE OF REAL ES.
TAIE.

Whereas, Clifton +. Wills and Nam
cy Wills, his wife, by their deed of
trust, dated the 18th day of June,
1873, and recorded in book /, page $50,
in the Recorders office for Audrain
county, Missouri, conveyed to the un
dersigned all the following lands in
said Audrain county viz: The north
east OF northeast quarter and 10 acres
in a square in the southwest corner OF
the northwest of northwest quarter
of section twelve (f2N, township fifty
one (51), range nine (9) west, in trust
to secure a certain note therein de-
scribed, and whereas said note is due
and unpaid. Now, therefore, at the
request of the holder of said note,
and by virtue of the power in me
vested by said deed, L will, on the
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
21st Day of September,
1878.

At the court house door in said coun.
ty of Audrain, sell at public auction
to the highest bidder for cash, SAID
land or so much as may be sufficient
to pay off said note. interests and
costs.
JAMES CARROLL, Trustee.
1Q-tds
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
NEW BiGH RLlQlL

Parsons Purgative Pills will make New
Rlch Blood, and will completely change
the Blood in the entire system in three
months. ANY pers,n who Will take | pill
each night from | to II weeks may DO re-
stored to sound health. if such - hing be
poss BILE. Sent by mail for 8 latter stamps.
L. 3. JOHNSON u Co, Bangor, Me.
19.4W
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
BETHANY COLLEGE,
TOPEKA. KANSAS.

IOPEkA, KANSAS.
For Girls and Young Ladies exclusively.
Under care of Protestant Eniscopal
Church. For Boarding and Day Pupils.
School year nine months-three session
Year begins September 18th. from eight
to ten teachers in the family. All branch.
es taught, with Music, Drawing, French,
&C., sc.
Music and Drawing, the only Extras,
For Boarding Pupils from 500 to $225
per school year, according to grade.
BISHOP VAIL,
Fl At. President.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
OUR PARIS LETTER.

THE CANADIAN TRoPun-ARoE AND
STEEL AT CHAMP DE MARs-ExHTB-
T FROM ENGLAND, AMERICA, GER
MANY, RUSSIA, SWEDEN AND FRANCE
IMPROVEMENTS IN PRINTING MA
CHINES-How A JOLLY wAsHINGTo.
MAN GETS FREE RIDE IN PARIS.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26

-
Its effects are truly marvellous in drorsv
travel, bright's diseases, seminal losses,
leucorrhoer, and ost yigor, no matter of
now .ong standing the case may be posi-
tive elief is bad in from one to three
days. Do lot despair. hesitate or doubt
tor TT is really ii specific and never fails.
IL 1 purely a vegetable preparation, by
LIE timely use thousands of cases tn t have
been considered incurable by the most
eminent physicians, have been perma.
nentlv cured. 1t Is also endorsed by the
regular physicians and medical societies
throughout the country, sold in bottles Mt
Two dollars each or three bottles which
Is enough 10 cure the most aggravated
case, sent to any address on receipt OF
five dollars. Smalltrial bottles one dol
lar each, ell orders to be addressed 10
Grants Remedy Manufacturing Co., 55i
Main ST., Worcester, Mass. weow.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26

TIL" article Is telling It's own story in the hands
81 thousands who are using 1t with most CRAFTY
Ing and encouraging results:
Mr.. GuSrAVUs F. HALL, of the Oates Opers
Troupe writes: after SIX weeks use am con-
Einced, as are also my comrades, that your CAR
BoLiNE has and is producing a wonderful growth
OF hair where ! had none for years"
Y. M~CCLARRAS, Sixth Avenue Pharmacy.
PiitshnrG, Pa. says: THE good effects from tie
use OF t~ARBoLINE are brought to my notice every
day to such an extent as to Justify me In recom-
mendtug ii to my most intimate friends"
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
DON'T. WEIR OUT

Go to John SchuhEscner's Res
taurant for your square meal, and he
also has plenty of we'll ventilated
rooms for dodgers by the day or week.
4 6-m.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26

Coon REsULTS- Are always pleas
mt To contemplate, As every dyspcp-
sufferer who uses EarLer's Gin ger
Tonic will attest. To obtain from
this remedy the most gratifying re
lief when distressed with headache
low spirits, nervousness, wakeful
ness, palpi'atinn of the heart, liver
disorders, costiyeness, pain in the
stomach, heartburn, cramps. etc, is
a pleasant experience tI:at surprises
no less than it comforts. Another
remarkable feature Of this remedy is
its powerful specific action on the
skin and mucous surfaces of tho throat
and lungs by which it unfuilingly
cures the worst cases OF cough, cold
and sore throat. 1t cures in Il won
derfully short time, removes all sore-
ness from the lungs and protects the
feeble from consumption. Buy a 81
bottle from your druggist, j. +.
LlewellFn, or a sample bottle at 10
cents, and test its merits. 44weow
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
NEW hOyERTl5EMCHrS

t.E \ DAY-hrnrt's Fr st ,aurassia,
mn for Ess~"u priigh'. ~,r; ,,, fr,a.
WI rel Jonr~. Nassau. \ Y. ig.3~
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
ORIGINAL
~GOODYEAR'S
GoodsM
V~ulcanized Rubber in every -conce;vsb,.
Form, adapted to universal use.
ANY article under four pounds weight 90,
be sent by mail.
WIND AND WATER PRoor

garments a speciality. Oil cloth Sp,f.o.
Coat combines two articles i'm one, Foe
stormy weather it is a perfect water-nroof
and in dry weather, q oo'
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
Are Light, Portable, Strong and DIR
able.

We are now offering them at the e~.
tremely low price OF TEE Dollars asoh
Sent postpaid to any address upon recent
of price.
When ordering, state size around chest.
over vest.
Reliable parties desiring to Sc, orr
goods. can send for our Trade Journal.
giving description of our leading a~rtic!es.
be sure and get the Original Goodyears
Steam Vulcanized Fabrics.
G3ASend for illustrated price list of our
Celebrated Pocket Gymnasium. Address
carefully.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
STOP and READ.
GRANTS REMEDY.

All forms ofkidney and urinary disea-
ses, pains III the back, sides, and loins are
positively cured by
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
HALE'S
Honey Of H0rah0lla and Tai
THECURE OF

FOX TIE tURE Of
coughs. Colds, Influenza, Hcarseness.
Difficult Br3athIpg. aud all Affections
of the throat, Bronchial Tubes,
and Lungs, leading to con
sumption.
Prices 80 cents and 81 per bottlj,
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
c. N CEITTESToN, Pfou'r. { sixth Ave,
New York.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
and Fireside.
tFisi be sent
ONE YEAR FILE

T." any one subscribing TO this paper
one year at the regular rates, 81 per
year. This is 4. are chance for every
one Ia secure
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
NEAT AND TIDY OyERcoar

BY a peculiar process, the rubber is mt
between the two cloth surfaces, which
prevents smelling and sticking, even in the,
c~olors, Blue. Black and Brown. 80
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
CHEAPEST AGRICULTURAL JOURNAL IN
II COUNTRY
=. =. MAST & co.

Publishers "Farm and Fireside," Sprinp.
field Ohio. But all wishing the two ps-
ners tor the price of one must apnly 10
the publisher of the LEDGER at once.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1878-09-26
TWO Papers FOR THE PRICE
OF ONE.

FARM MD FIErsrpE is published by 2.
T.. Mast & Co. of Springfield, Ohio, who
have q capital of over half a million dol
lars, and thew are determined to make
Farm and FIreside the best. as well as
the
Arizona citizen., 1878-11-09
Globe Items.
From the Belt of Oct. 31.

From the Belt of Oct. 31.
 Two shifts are at work on the Silver Era mines. The ore is holding out sat isfactoFily.
 A night shift has been put on the Silver Queen mine. The quartz in the S0-root cross-cut improves.
 The vein on the bottom of the East Richmond shaft is seven feet wide. The whole will average, with scarcely any assortment, S75 per ton.
 Ore from the Cox & Copeland mine worked in Mexican furnace averaged $l,S00 per ton.
 Some of the gold lodes about Lost Gulch seem to lose their ore at a depth of 20 to 30 feet
 The Belt thinks the Miami mine a good one but says it has been sadly mismanaged and doubts the ability of the present company to do any good with it.
Arizona citizen., 1878-11-09

MR. EsTEvAN OCHOA, one Of our oldest and best citizens has recently built for himself a large and elegant residence. He has spared no expense to make 1t both comfortable and substantial. The yard is ornamented with trees and flowers and for the purpose of irrigating these MT. constructed a large reservoir. Only day before yesterday we were permitted to pick handsome boquet Of delicate flow CTS from Mir. Ochoa's garden, where a rich variety is now in bloom. Mir. OchOa believes in enjoying the best this life af lords, and all who know him will attest his large heartedness and generous hospi- tallty.