The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1878-02-16
SUNBEAMS.
A CRYING sbome-our neighbor's baby.

n crying sHalhO--Oul heisoH wy
An uptown man who il opposed to capi-
tai punishment won't even allow his chill
dren to hang their stockings
"To what length mny widow go when
she desires new parent for her children
! She may 60 one step-father!'
! LADY visitor" NV dear do you know if
YOUR mamma is engagcdY' Little girl OF
the period" Engaged? Bless you, why
she's married."
A young gentleman of Kilkenny, meet
| ting handsome milkmaid near the parade,
said, what will you take for yourself and
your milk, my dear?' The girl instantly
replied, Yourself and gold ring, slr?'
A young widow was asked why she was
going to get married so soon after the
death of her first husband. 'Oh, la' said
she,' L do it to prevent fretting myself to
death on account of dear Tom"
I" Are these gratuitous?" asked an old
gentleman of druggists assistant, taking
patent medicine almanac from a pile on
the counter. No, them's almanacs. :"
curtly answered the matter of-fact assistant.
A little girl, showing her cousin, about
four years old, star, said, "That star you
see up there is bigger than this world. y
"No, it isn't" said he. eyes it is"
"Then why dosen't it keep the rain OFF,
$50" said lady recently to an Aberdeen
merchant, your pretty daughter has mar
ried a rich husband" WELL" slowly re-
piled the father, 81 believe she has mar
ried rich man, but l understand he is q
very poor husband"
Some time ago pupil in deaf and
dumb asylum in New England read pro-
portion of the book and Job; when asked to
write out his understanding of Jobs suffer-
ings, he wrote as follows: "The Lord boil
ed JOB seven days"
A clergyman has just united in marriage
a couple whose names were respectively
BENJAMIN and Ann GLOW did they ap-
pear during the ceremony" asked It friend,
''They appeared both Anniemated and Ben
neftted,'' was the reply.
81 suppose" said tourist in Alaska, that
you must depend on foreign commerce for
nearly all your comforts" 'Well, yaas," !"
responded an old trapper; ''we do depend
mostly on our .tur,7n' trade
'Dar's gwine to be wah," remarked a
colored citizen, "ad' all We niggahs mont
jes' s well git ready for active business. "
(which side shall we take?" asked, one of
the hearers. "You niggars can take jes'
wat side yer please; Use gwine to take de
Canada side"
Doctor-'Ia am pleased to say, Mrs. Fitz-
brown, that | shall be able to yaccinate
your baby from a very healthy child of
your neighhor Mrs. JONES'" Mrs. Fitz-
brown -"Oh, dear, doctor, could not per-
nit that, We do not care to be mixed up
with the Joneses in any way"
"I understand you make very good ci-
der?" "Yaw," said the Dutchman: "Hnns,
my boy, gro pring mugful Hans soon
returned with mug brimming full, and
handed it to the Dutchman, who drained it
to the bottom at one draught; then turning
TO the astonished visitor. said: "Dere, now
if you dosh not tink dat is Soot cider, yooss
schmell of te mug"
1t was bereaved miser who. after COM
posing long epitaph for bis wife SUPPRESS
ed it altogether, and said. cts too exp~D-
sive; put on the gravestone few tears. -
every WELL" responded the artist; "say
three tears like this! !" "Heavens, no!
Three tears when have only two eyes! Alb
surd! Two will be plenty"
Alta recent examination in one OF the
schools in Washington, the question was
nut to class Of small boys: "Why is the
Connecticut river so called?" A bright
little fellow put up his hand. "Do you
know, James?' eyes, ma am! Because
il connects Vermont md New Hampshire,
and cuts through Massachusetts vas the
triumphant reply.
GLOW many genders are there?" asked a
schoolmaster., "There, SIR replied little
biac-eyed girl masculine, feminine and
neuter,' pray give me an example of
eaah. said the master. ''Why, you arc
masculine, because YOU are man, and am
feminine, because | am girl" every
well, proceed" Il don't know" said the
little girl; "but I fancy Mr. Jenkins is
neuter, as he is an old bachelor"
The paternal author of an hciress was
approached by youth who requested a
few moments conversation in private, and
began:-"l was requested to see you, sir,
by your lovely daughter. Our attachment
-" Young man." interrupted the
parcnt, briskly, :" don't know what that
girl OF mine is about You are the fourth
gentleman who has approached me this
morning on the subject. have given con-
seoG to the others and give it to you; God
bless you.'
H'EGEEsSE IN AEaG At.x ~11SaEONS.