The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-06-29
NUMBER II.
PASSING SMILES.

BEEcHER is building his new house in
the Elizabethan style. Hal hal
To those who are enemies of England,
it is gratifying to ltarn that Victoria
Woodruff has taken up permanent
residence there Breakfast Table.
HUMAN nature is pretty much the
same across the water. The French
papers that do not receive free passes
pr 'nounce the big show miserable one
horse affair.
THE late Pope was most merciful
and humane man. He left provision
that his memoirs should not be pub
lished or ten years after his DEATH
Breakfast Table.
DoCToR, DOCTOR" painted messen-
ger, leone down the street, quick (;
there's man dropped in fit" In
an apoplecticY questioned the doctor.
"No, sir; he's in an ulster" answered
the messenger.
| A CORRESPONDENT says that Annie
Kee,ey, the authoress of Beautiful
Snow who visited this country some
four years ago, is the highest female Ma
son." The auth Heavens has
that affection begun again?
BARBER (apropos of customers
| beard y" Yes, great Improvement in
deed, sir, since you took our Balm of
Illyria.' OF course you will take an
other bottle2" Customer (dryly)-
mo, thanks, haven't tried the first yet"
THE student of nature can always
find some new link in the chain which
connects the lower order of creation
with man. Even the whirring of the
insects has suggestion of humanity in
it, for does not the axiom say, "To whir
is human?"
A MOST worthy man, unaccustomed
to public speaking, being suddenly
called upon TO address Sunday school,
rose to his feet, and, after vainly strug-
Cling for utterance, at last hoarsely NUT
tered, "Dear children, don't ever play
with POWDER"
Mr.. B, did you say, or did you
not say, what said you said9 because
c. said you said you never did say
what said you said. Now, If you did
say that you did not say what said you
said, then what did you say2
LITTLE BINKs Ito unsteady party who
had lurched heavily against him)- II
beg your pardon, I'm sure, but Pm very
short-sighted-." Dissipated stranger
"Do' mesh't shir I've met goo many
shor' sight peopl'sh morn, bu' you'se
firsh genl 'sh made 'shli'sht 'pologyp
AT a popular store famous for the
prompt and pol te attention of the
clerks, woman of perhaps thirty years
was looking at goods, when young man
stepped towards her, and asked, lis
any one waiting upon your "Why,
what question I've been married
this ten years.
al SUPPOSE you have been to your
lodge?" she scornfully inquired when
she opened the door upon him suddenly
at midnight. No, no, my DEAR"
Blinks replied, with gushing candor,
"you see stopped at strawb'ry fes'vl
on my way home-an' the berries soured
onmystomach."
A GENIUS down East intends applying
for patent ON machine which, he
says, when wound up and in motion,
will chase hog over ten-acfe lot,
catch, yoke, and ring him; or by q
slight change of gearing, it will chop
him into sausages, work his bristles into
shoe-brushes, and manufacture his tail
into corkscrew.
A JERSEY widower, who had taken
another partner, was serenaded on his
wedding night. The parties brought
phonogragh, in which was preserved
some of the objurgations of his first
wife, and when they set it going under
his window, the happy bridegroom
broke out into cold sweat, and crawled
up the chimney on bridal tour.
A CONNECTICUT lover, young and en-
thusiastic, who sang and played for
nearly two hours before the house of
his lady love the other evening, was
electrifed-that is, shocked-after
short pause. by cordial thank YOU"
gracefully pronounced by the "other
fellow" who appeared at the drawing
room window.
A LATE minister of PEBBLES had been
discoursing on the sin of falsehood, and
portrayed the unhallowed consequence
of indulgipg in the practice. A small
trader in the place, whose conscience
had been for the moment aroused, ex-
claimed to neighbor, on going home,
"The minister medina hae been sac
hard, for there's plenty O. leers in Pee
bles beside mep
| ROOM AT THE TOP.
Never you mind the crowd, lad,
Or fancy your life won't tell;
1 The work Is the work for O. that
| To him that dOeth 1t well.
| Fancy the world hill, lad
Lock where the millions stop:
| You'll find the crowd at the base, lad;
| There's always room at the top.
Courage and faith and patience,
There's space in the old world yet;
The better the chance you stand, lad,
The further along you get:
Keep your eye on the goal, lad
1 Never despair or drop:
Be sure that your path leads upward;
There's always room at the top.
"SUPPosE," said an Iowa lawyer to Z
witness he was trying to badger recently,
"suppose l should tell you that could
bring dozen men of your town to the
courtroom who would say they would
not believe you on oath, what would you
saw" And calmly the witness replied :
81 would say you lied" A gentle
smile diffnsed itself all over the court
room, and the uprufled witness stepped
down.
SOCIALISM is really . formidable
power in Germany, having some sixty
newspapers and considerable number
| of mani ora IF tho TvnpnriaI Parliament