Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1878-03-27
HnmOrsOme Waits.

THERE isn't vegetable says the Wor-
cester Press, that can ketohup with the
tomato"
AN sure, it's aisy enough to build
chimley," said O'Rourke; eye how'd one
brick up an just slip another one under it,
IS An YES" said cabinet-maker to a
crockery-dealer, to whom he was introduced
-" ah, yes; you sell tea sets and | sell
settees."
A HUMOROUS apothecary in Boston ex-
poses a case of soap in his shop-window,
with the pertinent inscription Cheaper
than dirt"
CREpULous people are digging in Tennes-
see for gold fortune-teller has told them
lies there. 1t will probably be found the
fortune-teler lies there.
The Philadelphia Bulletin finds on one
side of the new dollar fat British girl with
a tremendous bang, and on the other a hen
flying off her nest-probably frightened by
the bang.
An enthusiastic Indiana editor wrote after
the convention, " The battle is now opened
but, alas the compositor spet battle
with an 49, and his readers say they have
suspected it all along.
"CAN the horse run fast ?" asked boy
of milkman the other morning. No,
sonny" replied the purveyor of aqueous
lacteal fluid; "he can't run very fast, but he
can stand the fastest of any horse you
ever saw
A GEORGETOWN (Nlass) man has been
absent from home without having been
heard from for over twenty years and has
Just returned. His folks say they should
have begun to worry about him if he had
stayed much longer
TEN dimes make one dollar" said the
schoolmaster "Now go on, sir. Ten dol
lars make one-what? ?" They make one
mighty glad these times, replied the boy
and the teacher, who hadn't got his last
months salary yet, concluded that the boy
was about right.
An Irishman in charge of " flag sta
tion stopped an express train. Where
are the passengers to get in p shouted the
conductor, briskly. There a'in't any,"
said Pat. "Then what did you stop the
train for ?" "Sure, an how did know but
what somebody wanted TO get out p
"MARY, my love, do you remember the
text this morning 2" :" No, pa, | never can
remember the text; have such bad mem
ory." BY the way, did you notice Susan
Brown ?" Joined in Marys mother, " Oh
yes what fright She had on her last
years bonnet done up, a pea,green silk, a
black mantilla, brown boots, an imitation of
IIoniton collar, lava bracelet, her old ear
rings, and such fan !" "Well, my dear,
your memory is certainly bad"
Now, then, state your case" said Detroit
LAWYER the other day, as he put the five dol
lar bill away in his vest-pocket "Well," +"
began his client suppose the man living
next door wants to put barn right up
against my line, coming within two feet of
my house ?" " lie can't do it, sir. Can't do
any such thing replied the lawyer. But
want to put my barn right up against his
line" remarked the client. Oh-ah-yes,
| see. Well sir, go right ahead aud put
your barn there. All the law in the case is
on your side"
A CLERGYMAN in one of the Hudson river
towns some time ago united German
couple in marriage. When the knot was
tied, the bridegroom said Dominic, I've
got no monish, but I'll send you Won eetle
pig" 1t was done, and the circumstance
was forgotten by the clergyman. He met
the German in another town for the first
time since the marriage ceremony was per-
formed. "Dominie,", said the German,
"you remembers you married me, aud
gave you Won leetle pig ?" Yes" "Vell,
il you'll unmarry me I'll give You two
leetle pigs"