The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-09-05
PASSING SMILES.

| A6kJ~Aro O1ILAGOs
If a man says i" / haven't saw" he is
from adelphia.-Louisuile Courier
journal. And if he says 1 done saw"
he is from Louisville.-Grdphic
SOME clothing was stolen recently
from the Office of the New London Tel
| egrdm. The editor must have been tax
ing a bath at that time.-DGnieLsonU
Sentinel.
A MAN, who calls himself hunter,
shot deer in the Adirondacks the other
day. He subsequently stood over
farmers dead horse and shelled out
$50.-Nor,cich Bulletin.
BY an accident at Cape May hotel
an empty champagne bottle was placed
waiter, he said, al did not order 'Ex-
ira Dry" The waiter saw through
it.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
THERE is a young woman in Elmira,
New York, with hair thirty-nine inches
long. Ii she was only man, what a
superb corn doctor she would makeI
ALI man needs to make him profess
sional chiropodist is long hair.
THERE is no picnic ant, however lowly,
That for livelihood must toll ard peg.
But lifts the largest man up, grandly, slowly,
When it goes browsing up his trousers leg
| There Is no little bee. however humble,
That gathers summers SWEETS for winters store,
But has by nrodding with his tiny humble,
Made great men wTithe and howl md groan and
swore. -Buritngton Hd,ckeye.
SIDNEY SMITH condemns what he
calls the foppery of universality-of
knowing all sciences and exc-lling in all
arts" "Now, my advice" he says, con
the contrary, is to have the courage to
be ignorant of great number of things,
in order to avoid the calamity of being
| ignorant of everything"
You want to brake on this road, do
you? Well, you can 81. down there.
We have no vacancy Just at present;
but we kill about two brakemen a day,
and dare say in a few minutes I shall
hear of some one losing an arm or leg,
and then you can have the Job" The
man thought he wouldn't wait.
doctor, what do you think is the
matter with my little boy~ "Why,
it's only a curruitifed exegesis anti
spasmodically emanating from the germ
of the animal refrigerator producing a
prolific source of irriability in the per
icranial epidermis of the mental pro-
fundity." "Ahl that's what l told
Betsy, but she lowed it was wurrums."
The man who turns his wages over to
his wife every week, is pretty near a
Mormon. He's Saturday Saint at least.
-Keoknk Constitution The man who
trusts his wife sufficiently to do this,
has safer bank than any savings bank
in the land, and preserves himself from
the devil and the whisky bottle. There's
truth, wit, and poetry combined in this.
breakfast Table.
A CHICAGO clergyman was aroused at
midnight last week to 60 and pray by
the bedside of dying man. On ascer-
tanning that the unfortunate being was
director in gas company, he said to
the messenger: "Well, 1 don't know
that there is any use in my going; it'll
just be waste of good praying; still, 1
suppose, it's my duty" and reluctantly
accompanied him.
THE ARROW AND THE SONG.
shot arrow into the air,
1t fell to earth, knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its fight.
breathed song into the air,
1t fell to ear. b, knew not where:
For who has sight 50 keen and strong,
That 1t can follow the fight of song3
Long, long afterward, in an oak
found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
found agin in the heart of friend
THERE is a gentleman named John
| w. Dooly, who lives near Braggville,
Jasper County, who not only runs a
large plantation there, but is natural
born poet of no mean pretensions. AS
proof of this, tenant, by the name of
Mike Horn, called upon him recently for
an order on Mr.. Pease, a grocer, for
some corn. .Dooley grabbed his pencil,
and without intending to be poetical,
rapidly wrote: "M Mr.. Pease, if you please,
let Mr.. Horn have a bushel of corn.
Charge the amount to my account, and
in the fall I'll pay you all. Yours truly,
John w. Dooly."
1T is never best to be in too much: of
hurry. A young woman at Madison
vile, KY, who married an old man for
his money, lost all hope after two years
of welded life, and went hence with
rope around her neck. Immediately
after the funeral the old gentleman died
of apoplexy. She could have raked in
the pile by waiting couple of days
longer.-Breakfdst Table.
AT one of the Whitehall Sunday
schools teacher was instructing her
class about the prophets. She finally
put the question, "Why don't we have
the prophets nowf" and asked the boy
who could answer it to hold up his right
hand. A little hand of six-year old
oy quickly went up. "Well, my little
man, why is it we do not have prophets
now?'' Because, ma am, my papa says
that the times are so hard, and So many
men have gone into selling goods, that
profits are knocked higher'n Gilderoy's
kite" The lad was Immediately pre-
sented wi b a gum-drop, and told to go
out and play Whitehall Times.
WHEN a man enters the post-ofice,
and sees woman standing at the de-
livery, he braces up, smiles, and con-
cludes to wait pat entlv few moments.
If there arr two women there, he sneaks
up behind them and tries to wink to
the clerk to get his mail. But when one
of the women enters into conversation
with the official as to the reasons why
the magazine has not come, and how
long before it will be here, and if he is
sure he looked in the right box, the cit
izen jams his hat down over his eyes
and s rides out of the post-ofice lobby
in way that would do credit to pro-
fessional pedestrian. The next day he
negotiates fer a ck-box.-Rome Sen
tinel.
THE correspondent of San Francisco
paper claims to have discovered new
lake. 1t is larger than Great Salt Lake
and more beautiful than Lake Tahoe.
1t is in Nevada and is called Pyramid
Lake, from the pyramidal masses of
. | mari .pd limestone which ahonnd IN IL