The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1878-08-17
FUNNYGRAPHS.

AT Springfield Mrs. PartlngtOn sadly
remarked that she had toothache "ior
three successful nights"
BEACoNsFIELD gets only the garter.
We thought he was to have the whole
widow.-Albany Times.
PHILADELPHIA bellies at Cape Nav
say: Bring me me hat; I'll walk for a
couple of squares on the beach with me
mother"
THERE hasn't been tramp sunstruck
in the Uuited States for more than six
hundred years. There is something for
people who work for a living to think
about.-Burtington HaaCkeye.
An old bachelor said he once fell in
love with young lady, but abandoned
all idea of marrying her when he found
that she and all her family were opposed
to it.
DINK poorly veil of man dot will
shtood by you When you was in shtormy
vedder. Schwarum Of inskects will SHAY
arount you when der sun shines out
Carl PretzeI.
81 WISH that you would not give me
such short weight for my money" said
customer to grocer who had an out
standing bill against him. "And | wish
you wouldn't give me such long acait for
mine," responded the grocer.
A GOOD man was trying to tell his son
that Order is heavens first law" and
the young hopeful offered to lay the old
man a stake that heaven had no laws. no
sinners, and no nothing of evil.-Pica-
yuae.
SHOULD the dog tax be collected fair
ly this year, the city will reap a rich har-
vest. Where man had but one dog
last year, he now has, in consequence OF
the hard times, two, three, or four
Louisville C0aUier-Jon7eal
A NEWLY married man, who evident
ly needs discipline, thus discourses: q 4
woman is a handy thing to have about
the house. She does not cost any more
to keep than you'll give her, and she'll
take great interest in you"
DURING the past winter New Hamp-
shire woman has cut and piled twenty
three cords of wood. Well, that is do
ing pretty fair. Every man should en-
courage his wife to beat it, though
Danieh0nuiLle Sentinel
Now is the season when a man bear
ing large watermelon is seen advancing
towards a newspaper office. He enters,
places the melon on the editors table,
stands back. to observe the effect, and re-
tires with the remark: "No thanks
no thanks. You may send me the paper
for year"
A DOWNTOWN resident, native to the
land which gave gave Bismarck birth, re-
marked to young man, supposed to be
seriously attentive to very handsome
niece: Dat feller's vixed. He's got um
pad. He make dot gal present ov ring
NIT dose don't you-forget-me-it flowers
on"
A CALIFORNIA paper tells of hen
that has mania for laying in umbrellas.
Now that umbrellas are 50 cheap, there
is no difficulty about laying them in, but
the prevailing mania is for borrowing
and not returning them. If that hen
had been caught on-nest, she would have
kept away from the umbrella stand
Philadelphia Bulletin.
LITTLE Willie P, who is about four
years old, was observed recently, by his
father, to be listening to neighbor,
who, while working in his field Just OPP
posite, was using much profane language
The father said to his little boy, ''Uillie,
what are you thinking about"
think" answered Willie, "Mr. -
ought to say, for Jesus sake, amen"
Won MoLTKE tells a good story of a
big Circassian whom he saw paradinc
through picked ballroom with whole
arsenal of pistols at his belt " Are they
loadedY' asked Won Moltke, with some
apprehension of an accident. load
ed SAID the Circassian with an accent
OF dlsgusted surprise: "What would |
want to carry pistols for if they weren't
loaded"
SCENE Sixth street car; time, Ii p.
NJ; dramaIis persona-alert conductor;
Sleepy passenger and driver. Alert con-
ductor (referring to the street)-"John."
Sleepy passenger lin doze) y" Yes"
Driver (to horses -"Get up" Sleenv
passenger" In minute"-and wakes
to realization of his position and the
laughter of the rest of the passengers
Cincinnati Commercial.
A TRAMP knocked at the door, and
unexpectedly the head of the family
opened it. Young man." said the lat
ter: " / landed here twenty years ago, in
worse times than the present with two
shllllngs, and washed dishes in the
country for a living, and now look at
me-" And he threw his chest out and
beamed. Sir" replied the tramp,
" can you direct me to anybody who has
lot of dishes to clean?"
SOME time since a clever Tuscaroran
was arrested for cattle stealing and hauled
up before Judge Flack at Elko for trial,
The jury acquitted him without LEAVING
the box, and upon his return here =
Trend inquired as to the result of his
trial: No cause of action" said the
gentlemen: | merely killed the OK in
sell defense and ate him for SPITE. and
OF course, l was acquitted by the intel
i1gent jury, "-Elko (Nev.) Times.
Why pay 500 for a phonagrapb
when $50 judiciously invested in lee
cream, the coming summer, and two
oushels OF turnips in the fall for a mar
rage certificate, will give you a life
Iease on talking machine that never
requires any tin foil on the cylinder
escaPement. Young man, these are the
Times Tor the practice of economy and
you should refect.-Ch Chicago Post
AN Italian in a California town, after
SIX i: months of welded life, applied for
olVorce on the strength of this griev-
ance: " Before | married NV wife she
painted her face and was ALWAYS white.
tlhged with rosy color resembling a
rose. l thought the colors were natural.
but since she got married she paints her
face no more, and it has become as black
as coal" The lawyers told the heart
broken man that it would be necessary
to try fresh Dairt ar 600, >, I,of,r, ,,,e,l.~ /