Daily Republican., 1878-12-27
HUnOROUs.

asked what he should do about II. The
lawyer replied: Prosecute the owner
ofthe dog, Of course. ~ But" said
the butcher, ''it is your dog" Il will
pay the bill," said the lawyer, bring
ing his hand down suddenly on the
place where his pocket book was sup
posed to be, All you will tell how much
the meat was worth" The butcher re-
piled, About VI" "All right" re-
joined the lawyer, "hand over 81 to me
and ws will be square. The advice
which gave to you in the beginning
was worth s2"
Eccentric Father NJ used to be
the delight and guide Of York, NJ, the
old seaport town which disputes with
st. Augustine the honor of having been
the first city in America. In its ancient
Westinghouse he administered his eel
cbrat-d rebuke to his tardy parishion
er, stately Enr'ishman, who walked
up the aisle in prayer time. "And, 0
good Lord" prayed the worthy parson,
''among Thy other kind dispensations,
cure Thy servant who has just entered
Thy honse, of that ungodly strut"
A pianist recently played some Of bis
mos. astonishing pieces before he
Grai.e Signor of Constantinople. At the
conclusion OF the performance, the snl
tan, who had oeen observing him with
apparent admiration, said to him, 81
" we heard Thalborg.' CA low how Of
the artistic, and modest smile. 81 have
also heard Liszt." "a lower bow and
devout attention.) "But not one OF all
that have played before me perspirrd
"a much as you do"
Race horses are apparently more
carefully trained and their speed more
fully developed of late years than
formerly. Up to 1920 the best speed
per mile attained by trotter is sald
to have been $50. This time was
gradually reduced until 1850, when
Lady Suffolk made her mile in 2.26. In
1860, Flora Temple reduced this time
to 2.lst. In 1876 Goldsmith Maid
performed mile iii 2.l44, and in 1878
Rarus accomplished the same distance
III 2.l3t which time seems to be the
limit at which a horse can trot mile.
What" the young man asked the
young woman who was waiting for him
10 ask for his hat, what do put you
in mind Off" "a French clock" She
said softly, and pretty soon ne arose
and went his way. The next morning
he called upon an eminent horoloslst
and asked him what was the distin,
yuishing trait of French clock. The
norologist said, "Why it never goes.
And the young man was sorely cast
lown and he grieved and told no man
,t his hurt.
A little sqnint eyed Chicago boy
,ranced ur to his mother one day and
aid, "Ma, haint | been real good since
begun to 60 to Sunday .schooli' yes,
ny lamb answered the maternal,
ondly. "And yon trust me now don't
'on, mar eyes, darling" she re.
lied agair. "Ther,' spoke up the
title innocent, what makes you keep
he cookies locked up in the pantry the
anne as ever,'
What news to.day!' said a mer
hanr to his friend, lately. "What
'ews?" responded the other. "Noth.
ng, only things grow better--p-oplr
re getting Oh their legs again" "Ou
heir lrgs," said the first. 81 don't
ee how you can make that out. why
es, replied the other; ''folks that
sed to ride are obliged to walk now
) not that getting on their legs again'
They were looking at the fall style
( bonnets. Said she: "Oh dear.
ook at that bird in the crown; what a
retty bill" And because he turned
way, wiped his eyes with his band
erchief, and murmured. II Should
ay it was a pretty BILL" she became
Melancholy and threatened to leave
i'm and 90 home to her mother.
When Johnny was questioned as to
hy his engagement with Miss II. had
zen broken off, he rolled his eyes,
oked very much panied, and groan-
l. "Oh she turned ont a deceiver."
ut he forgot to mention that h.. was
~ ieceiver whom she had turned out. 7
Puck.
"How mucn shall you charge for II
dogma sausage that will reach from
le OF my ears to the other p asked :.
ldirr in Berlin to dealer. "Ffty
was the reply. 81 take the
fer, y replied the soldier, zone of my
rs was cut off in battle thousand $
lies from here" There was a compro
lSe. |S
A gentlemen died not long ago who z
ID been addicted to his cups One =
40 was not aware Of his habit was -
aking inquiries of the family physi
IN in relation to his death, and in '-
her matters asked about his spirtual : }
ndition. at was excessive" replied 2
e doctor; that was what killed him. =
81 wonder, uncle!" said little girl, -
ifmen viii! ever yet live to be five =
undred or thousand years Gld!' =
No, my child" esponded the old q
an; "that was tried once, and the
Ga grew SO bad that the world had =
be- drowned
Bank up summer bonnet with vel u
t and feathers, and fur and straw,
d it is Just as good winter bonnet :
any body can make. Then put it on
e back of the hair and let the ears =
eze, and yon will be in the fashion,
Rector's daughter, Ito friend, 9th. =
dear, would you rather be- good and
wdy, or wicked and stylish"
Ethel, promptly } Oh, wicked and z
'lish, wouldn't yoH'"
The class in German Grammar is on =
, subject of genders. Miss Flora. :
" is moon masculine in Germanf' -
that she can 60 out alone nights, | Y