Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-10-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

: Sqashes are not gourd this season.
) 1t was resident of the rural districts
: who asked if the vessel had taken cold
when he saw ships knees.
Ginger is not considered very sleepy
compound, but we have all heard of
ginger's nap.
What is the more powerful-the
earth or the sea? The sea, of course, it
has such q lot of muscles.
Said the young mans ear to the
young man, Quoting Brutus), "MuSt
give way and room to your rash cOllar?"
DR.. Holmes says that crying widows
marry first. There is nothing like wet
weather for transplanting.
Twenty-seven button kid gloves
reach clear over the shOlder and button
down the back.-Boston Post.
When the commander of the ark
served out the food for his passengers
he made Noaration.
"Whither thou goest, ghost" is
what Hamlet said to the materialiZa-
lion of his deceased progenitor.
I A st. Louis clerk is named Gasbill,
Unhappy man. Everybody disputes
him.
Passing strange! When two pedes-
trians, unacq TAINTED with each other,
happen to meet.
II is thOughtfully remarked by the
Graphic that cOoings we're not as num-
erous in the Saratoga family as Billings.
The attention of tramps is respectful
ly called to the fact that diamonds have
been found IN OregOn.-New York
Commercial.
The man who has his woodpile handy
for winter and his celler well filed
takes supreme delight in predicting an
early winter and hard one.
A hospital should put notices of con-
valeseent patients under the heading,
News for the Weak. ."-Hsckensack
Republican.
The miser who boarded his money
in vase said he did it because he be-
lieved in the saying urn your money
before you spend it,"
The young man who didn't get out
| of way of the omnibus in time on
Broadway yesterday says he felt rather
stagestruck for a mOmeut.-St. Louis
Post.
An Arkansas constable's pistol being
stolen, he advertised that, if the thief
would return it, he would give him the
contents, and no questions asked.
I have seen men who had worn out
their vices, and supposed, of course,
that they were living onivirtues.-Josh
Billings.
A Boston youg man married against
the wishes of his parents, and in tell
ing friend how to break the news to
them, said, "Tell them first that am
dead, and gently work up the climax
Confused-Nice little boy Ito literary
gentleman); "Oh, L say, NAMING says
you must sleep in your hair, to tumble
it so. Before she used to wear caps
she hung hers upon nail.l
1t is lamentable fact that piec. of
DsstebOard with verse on it, given as
reward of merit ina Sabbath school
has not half the charm for boy
rs the same sized piece of pastebOard
with the simple tAliSmAnic words,
admit One."
On being asked why he went into
bankruptcy, he replied. "Well, my
liabilities were large, my liabilities
numerous, and so just thought I'D do
rs my neighbors DO, you know"
Probably at the last dreadful day,
when Gabriel sounds his tramp, il he
doesn't stop once or twice between the
blasts and shout, General! general!
colonel, Isayp not more than twu'fifth5
of the men in the American cl'netries
will get up.-Burlington Hawkeye.
An American traveller in Galway
SAW a pig in q peasants house, AMI he
said: "Wcy do you have pig in
there??" ''Shure," said he of Galway,
the houseiaas all the convan"n e. that
a raysonable pig requires'-Engli h
paper.
When are the clouds like jockeys?
When they hold the rains. Why is
sailors hand like the sky at night? Be-
cause it's tarry. Why is darkey in
he bushes an aid to bright under
standing? Because fe is black.in-
Bulletin.
P'raps wife who can jump out of bed
It midnight, run down stairs and mix
mustard plaster in the dark, or knock
IN old barrel to pieces and cook dinner
or country relations at twenty minutes
notice, hain't of no account in this
world, but I've got just al hour and n
lalf to argy that point with some
,uman hyena. ."-Bijah in Free Press.
Edison is experimenting on the
waves of light, and hopes very soon to
,erfect a machine that will enable you
o see a man a hundred miles away.
q case the man in question has an ac-
cunt against you this will give you
,lenty OF time to get under the bed
nd out of harms way before he
rrives.-Danbury News.
An Albany urchin who has no head
Dr. figures, offered one of his school fel-
Ows a big apple and a jam turnover II
e would do his examples for him that
arm, The offer was declined; the
tile man to whom it was offered re-
barking that he had not yet reached
be hire NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Jour-
al.
The good man slammeth the gate
nd bangeth the front door and maketh
noise, for his heart is without guile
nd he Ieareth not the grievous words
I his wife; but the naughty man
,utteth the gate softly and stealeth
D stairs in his stocking feet and
umbleth over the rocking chair, and
le last condition Of that man is worse
ian the first.
Needle Work.