St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1878-07-13
WAITS AND WHIMS.
Said VI ~. ss'Larry.


Had II. plet, al three In minnit-"
She did - said Mrs DIARY.
An, whist Mollie Mullins was comm,
y FROM the groc'ry, when Father Rourke ridin'
Long the road spies her out, an he Jumps irou,
Ills horse to see what she was hidin'.
wrapped up in her apron; twas whisky.
An IS that the stuff, he says, to carry
10 your home An the bottle smashed dear"
1T was ?" said &ra DIARY.
An they say t'other night such mlr'cle
49, lux place at Pat Shaughnessy's wakin'.
he byes wur all drinkin' when news came
Ut fight just below, i'd heads brakin'.
Och what shall We do z? says Jim Rooney.
On my account none of yez tarry,
Says the corpse, spakin up, quite polite like"
''Musha 2' said Mrs. DIARY.
An thin niver word more raymarked he,
Fat Shaushnessy always was oliver
But 1alth, must bid ye good-day, ma'am,
Or III stand here conyarsin' furive:.
IL sildom mate 30 plisint-
Not at all like your cousin Jane Barry;
al hope eoon to hear moro of your talk, mgam,"
s. ArTah now said Mrs. Larry.
g" I am speaking" said a long -winded
orator, " for the benefit of posterity"
" Yes" said one of the hearers, "and
if ysu keep on much longer your audience
will be there
"A good character ish pretty much
der same to man ash goot umbrella.
Ven larg clouds threaten over his head,
all he ish got to do vas to hold him up,
und der storm BASES over, he is none der
verse.
Mr.. Mackey, of California, has an
income of $4,000 per day, but what
good does it do him? He can't drink
over ten glasses of soda water per day,
and he's got to die on his merits, the
same as the rest Of us.
A man was writing an order for
few things he wanted, when the trades
man, glancing at a memorandum, "wun
haf pond of schot,," said, "You don't
spell shot right" THAT is 80 said the
customer, put on another t."
." Here rests his head upon the lap of EARTH"
The brave young man that rode the brindle mule.
He lea rned, when meek ASnas burst the girth,
Too late the lesson Of life's harshest school.
Broad culture. solid Judgment, breadth OF brain,
Thought that has drunk at the Pierjan spring;
Grand depth and height of culture he must gain
Who safely rides the trick mule round the ring.
- Hawkeye.
A gentleman observing servant
girl, who was left-handed, placing the
knives and forks on the dinner table in
the same awkward position, remarked to
her that she was laying them left'handed
Oh, indade" said she, $50 l have.
Be pleased, sir, to help me turn the table.
round !"
To what base uses do we come at last
Hostess Whispering to amateur)-"l
want you to sing next" Amateur
(whose voice is not quite what it used to
be)-"I thought | wasn't to sing till
quite at the end" Hostess-Yes; but
there are not ices enough, and l want
some of the people to GO"
Waterford, n. Y, has the champion
absent minded young woman. She was
recently married, and few days after
had her furniture insured, but the next
day appeared before the agent and
wanted the policy changed, explaining
that she had forgotten that she was
married, and had had her maiden name
inserted in the policy.
.."How did you come to know her p
asked a mother of her little girl, as she
saw her bidding good-by to poorly
dressed child at the church-door. "Why:
YOU see, mamma, she came into our
Sunday school alone, and | made place
for her on my seat, and smiled and abe
smiled, and then we were acquainted"
was the sweet answer.
.."Look at TexasW proudly shouts
the Shreveport Sentinel. All yes, we
see, we see; he has the drop on him,
hasn't he? Yes, indeed; there he goes.
Now the crowd has caught him; now
they are hanging him. Now the crowd
returns; now they are-but somebody
has shut the saloon door and we cannot
see what the crowd inside is doing.
"Look at Texas ?" Oh, certainly. Nice
place for panoramic awkeye.
bow to Do IA subscriber of 8
Hamilton paper wants to know what will
stop hens from pulling out their feathers.
There are two efectual preventives of
this disgraceful habit Of the hens. The
most thorough is to pull all the feathers
out yourself. The hen don't look as
we'll after this, but she cannot pull out
any more feathers. Another remedy
consists in pushing her feathers through
and bending them into hook on the
other side. This is clincher.-lSyrs'
cuse Times.
MY friend, if thou wouldst have
knowledge of men, take all thine earthly
possessions, even unto the uttermos'
shekel, and enjoy thyself in the enter |
tainment of each and every one VINO
will gratuitously partake of thy Doun,
teous goodness. This,so long as thy puf''
shall last. Then, when thou hast Spent
thine all. shalt thou have great wlsdom'
for thou shall have learnt that tor ~na'
thou gavest thou shalt find none W
offer unto thee dinner in return; nay'
not 40 much as sardine.-[G Graphic
Burlington Hawkeye An ln1ehl>
gent farmer. living in Des Moines county
has invented henephone, modelled Oh
the principle of the telephone, by wnich
one old rel;able ben, occupying central