St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-12-06
Squibs.


corpus. Calls himself Judge !-Phila-
delphiG Bulletin.
1t is strange that in military Europe,
where almost every boy is born to be a
soldier, no one is good enough marks
man to kill king.-Imners Falls Re
porter.
A hard money enthusiast says he new
ell met a woman in his life that seemed
to know anything about coins. He never
Numismatics. YonkerS Gazette.
An Ohio man went out and hanged
himself the other day because Colum-
bus dentist told him that his tooth was
affected with ''nOndular calcifcation of
the pulp" He left a note to his wife
saying he didn't want to live on, and
give it to her and the children.-Bur-
Rngton HaUkeye.
Professor-Mr. F., will you, in yOur
own words, give me definition of Il
pendulum Mr.. F.-A pendulum is
is Il thing that makes clock go. (Rap-
turous applause from the back seats.)
A man very much intoxicated was
taken to the station house. "Why did
you not bail him out ?" inquired by
stander of friend. ''Bail him ont -
v.
not pump him out"
''DO eagles give milk, mother ?" ask
ed the boy. mo, my son what made
you think so ?n because Fve heard of
the eagles scream" The mother reach
ed for her slipper, but the embryo para
grapher had vanished SOmerUiIIe Jour
nal.
When we are in our teens, or just
out of them, we say, ''what nonsense"
when we read of a young man of AZ. But,
as soon as we get past 30, and meet the
same phrase, it strikes us us perfectly
proper. Human nature is rum GUS
tOmer.-Albany EUening Journal
He hustled into the office, and rub
bing his hands with evident satisfac-
tion he began 81 am taking orders for
a special brand of mackerel for family
use, very nice-best article out" ''Very
well. show us your samples" "Oh do
not carry any samples in my bag; am
well known my face is my sample"
''Oh well, guess don't want to buy"
-PTOUidence Journal.
Mr.. Hailiker of South Hill sent his
boy to the grocery with quarter to buy
20 cents worth of cheese, and the boy
came home without the nickel of change,
and with the smell of gum drops in his
breath. The skate-strap was produced
and explanations demanded. "Father,"
exclaimed the noble boy, ''Don't whip
me. 'If you don't want your funds
fOrcibly abstracted, don't entrust the
combination to boy"
Inc AIUuuy Evening journal finds
this placarded Oh the walls of time "To
whom it may concern The undersign-
ed paid that S5,500,000 for mackerel to
John Bull, not because he either thinks
himself sardine, or Bull whale but
for the sole and only reason that
| those making the awards were bull
| heads. UNCLE SAM"
1t doesn't always do to follow the ad-
vice of even eminent thinkers and teach
ers. A well-read man happening to be
prisoner between two policemen,
sought advice in what he had read. "Ah,
he thought, ''those who would be free,
themselves must strike the blow" That
little information cost him $4S.3 80
Turner's Falls Reporter.
A clergyman's wife had impressed
npon her little boy the necessity of eject
ing the skins of grapes, and few days
afterward she told him the story of Jo-
nah and the whale. 1.-THE whale is q
very large monster" said the mother,
"and he swallowed Jonah" ''Did be
swallow other men, too 2" asked the
little boy. 81 suppose he did," continued
the mother, who was somewhat in doubt
and while she was hesitating about
the continuation of the story, the boy
Interrupted, "And mamma, did he spit
the skins out too 2" .- ....
JOSH BILLINGS LACONICs.-Truthi iz
sed to be stranger than fckshun-it liz,
to most phOlks.
If yu undertake TO hire a man to be
honest, yu will hav to raize hiz wages
every morning, and watch him dred-
phull cluss besides.
| hav finally cum to the konklusun
that if l kant prove thing without bet
ting dollars on it, the thing " got a
dredphull weak spot sumwhare.
The reputashun that man gifts from
hiz ancestors often wants az much al
tering to fit him az their old clothes
would. 1t is truly thus.
A Cincinnati lady is the mother of a
bright little boy three years old. The
whOpping cough recently prevailed in
f their ueighborhood, and the mother be-
came very much alarmed lest her boy
should take it. She had talked about it
and worried so much over it that she
had infected her child so much with heI
fears that he would scarcely leave hel
side. One night, after the little fellow
had been put to bed, a donkey was
driven past the house, and when just
opposite set up his loud hee-haw. With
a shrek the boy was out of bed, scream
inc at the ton of his voice EeThe wboon.
ing cough is coming, mamma; the
whOoping cough is comingw He didn't
catch it that time, however.
To Matilda: The editor of Harper's
Bazaar will tell you that if you want tC
have your dress gOred, all vOu've got tC
do is to tiirt a bandanna handkerchief in
the presence of a sullen bull.
The crowning ambition of many /
mans life is to belong to a secret sOcie
ty, and after listening for many years t.
the constant irritation of one collocatioI
of words, to die and be followed to thu
grave by an awkward squad in blacE
coats and white gloves. two sizes too
big.-BOStOR Transcript ia1s7 -.
The war has begun in good earnest
The correspondents accompanying the
English column that is moving into AT
ghanistan are already writing bacl
about grapes that are larger than wal
nuts. That is the correspondents tac
| tics. He begins to lie about the things
he sees, and then it is only two or thre,
; days before he is ready to lie about ;
+ battle that lasted all day, and resulting
l in the slaughter of 289,674, $50 of the
enemy and s'the death of two of nm