The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-08-30
Pacts and Fanoies.

ter.
The sewing circle meets to gossip
sew to speak.
Grant is studying music over in
Europe. Chin music.
What is needed ia a five cent CT
gar that will consume it's own
smoke.
Cucumber sociables are in order
if you like to go to cramp meetings.
The agony is in tents.
Be patient-be patient. In seven
millions of years the earth will be
as cold as lunch counter coffee.
You may chew, you may swallow
the Glove if you will, but the scent
of your breath is the scent of the
''still."
The London Saturday Review
says very few funny men have any
friends What a funny fellow Til
den must be.
When an English paper captures
an American joke it chops off the
head. chisels out the point and sets
it up backwards.
"The sun takes eighteen million
years to roll round it's orbit" We
don't believe it, unless Susan B.
Anthony says SO.
She was plump and beautiful, and
he was wildly fond of her; she hat
ed him, but womaniike, she strove
to catch him. He was q flea.
Who hath woe-who hath sorrow ?
Well, that Nevada man who traded
mule for wife feels about as red
around the eyes as any of 'em.
Gentleman.-T say, waiter, I've
lust cracked this egg. Look at it,
Waiter.-tDon't look very nice that
end sir, 1 must say. Try the other
A Bridgeport woman who discov-
cred her husband hugging and kiss
ing the servant girl got so mad she
wouldn't speak to him for six hours.
The national microscepical con-
gress' is now in session in IDdianap-
oils. While they are together they
ought to look for President Hayes
party.
No matter how hard 1t is to find
a rocking chair during the day,
man is sure to fall over one when
he IS in search of the matchbox af-
ter dark.
Go to the mosquito, ye shiftless
consider his energetic ways and
LEARN gumption. Hold on second
thought, you needn't go. He'll be
apt to come.
A woman named Jardine has lust
died at Scotch village at the extra
ordinary age of Ill years. A sister
of hers, who died last year, had
reached the age of 104.
A little green bug is destroying
the blue grass in Kentucky. Great
fields are said to be rsvaged by it,
the grass looking as if it had suffer-
ed protrscted drouth.
Chicago has commenced to arrest
trsmps and fine them 500 piece.
Nothing makes a tramp feel SO
wretched as to make him hand over
twenty five dollar bills.
When an absent minded man me-
anders up the church aisle and has
one suspender dangling at his heels
from underneath his ceat, he be-
comes an object of unfavorabIe crit
icism.
A young grocery clerk who was
missing for about two weeks has
turned mp. He was at a summer
resort. That is he had his usual lob |
of resorting a lot of last seasons
beans in the attic of the store where |
he is employed.
If you take one of the new silver
half dollars, pour a little muriatic
acid on the figure of the eagle, and /
set it out in the sun for twenty min
utes, when you come to look at it |
it will be gone; and the tramp who
took it will be gone also.
The sunstrokes and yellow fever
this summer has been q godsend to /
the dogs. They haYe occasioned so /
much excitement and engrossed so
much attention that nobody could |
get chance to think anything about
by drophobia, consequently there
has been none.
A skeptic who was badgeriDg a
simple minded old man about a
and Baiaam's ass, finally
said: How is it possible for an ass
TO talk like man p WELL replied |
the honest old believer, with mean.
ing emphasis, Il don't see why it |
amt as easy for an ass to talk like q
man as it is for man to talk like
q ass
Those newspapers which are too
proud or too obstinate to retract un-
just or improper language which
they have admitted to their col
umns, should profit by the example
of an exchange, which gives notice
IS follows: 1f q subscriber finds a
line in this paper he cannot agree
with, if he will bring his paper to
this office and point out the Offend
ing line, the editor will take the
scissors and cut it out for him.