The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1877-1885, 1878-06-13
EAor+s of Darwin and Other Great
philosophers to Explain why
Girls Don't Shore.

Girls Don { SnOre.
Theories almost without number
the New York Times, have been
invented 10 explain why young ladies
do not snore. Mr.. Darwin thinks that
no one snores unless lying on his per
sonal back, and that inasmuch as girls
always sleep coiled up after the fash
ion Of cats. they could not snore even
If they we're willing to descend 10
such a depth of b~aseness. This eA-
~planation is perfectly worthless. Mr.
Darwin's assertion as TO the position
in which girls sleep Is mere aSSuinP-
tiop He has no evidence TO support
This assumption, and in the nature OF
things IL is impossible that he shouIu
have anv. and he ought to be ashamed
of himself. Mr.. Huxley pretends that
the nroxima.e cause of snoring Is a
relaxation of the mucles of the face.
1.-THE tightness with which the female
back hair is twisted prior to sleeping
remarks this bold but too specula-
tive acknowledgements the relaHa,
ton of the muscles OF the scalp ana
face. and hence renders snoring nm
practicable. This is a beautiful pro
vision Of nature and shows US that the
back hair is not merely an ornament,
but like eyeIy other work OF nature
serves "A high and holy purpose. III
Rev. Joseph Cook had read these re-
marks. with what Joy would he nave
proceeded to tear Prof. Huxley ar
pliment to tatters. To say that girls
do not snore because their back halr
is tightly twisted. Is to ignore the fact
that the back hair is always detached
and hung on the back of char when
ever its owner prepares for sleep.
How then can il exercise any possible
influence upon snoring: III MT.
| Darwin. Prof. Huxley is a very able
man so long as he confines himself TO
extinct animals, but when he under
takes to discuss girls he fails INTO
| abysses of error. Apparently, lie is per-
fectly unaware that the back hair is
detachable. Get thee to a nunnery."
Prof. Huxley, and learn the + a
ture of back hair before building your
theories upon no better basis than
your own ignorance.
While learned men have thus Valnly
sought to find why girls do not snore,
it does o seem to have occurred to
them that perhaps girls do snore after
all. On what is the universal belief
that snoring is exclusively a masculine
vice based? Obviously upon purely
girlish testimony. Every girl claims
that she does not snore. 1t Is plainly
her interest to make this claim, and
she well knows that no one can pro
duce evidence to contradict her. The
truth is, this fancied freedom of the
fair sex from the loathsome and UNI
~pardonable habit of snoring has no
substantial foundation, and a recent
event has conclusive ely shown that
girls both can and do snore. The
world may, perhaps, be slow to be
lieve so unwelcOme an assertion, but
there is at least n young man, late
of Clinton. ILL.,, who knows to his sor-
row that it is true.
This unhappy young man was en-
gagged to one of the faireSt daughters
of Illinois. and was intruSted by her
parents with the precious privilege of
conveying her to Oshkosh, where she
intended to visit her fathers half
sister a Mrs. Johnson, with slightly
reddish hair, and a drop in her left
evelid. The train in which the young
people travelled started late in the
afternoon and arrived in Oshkosh
early the next morning. The first
part of the Journey was delightful.
The young man heaped peanuts and
prize packages, and illustrated papers,
and fresh figs, and other railway deli
cacies upon his beloved, and felt that he
could travel on that train for eighteen
months without ever once wishing to
get out and stretch his legs. Evening,
however. arrived. and about 9 o'clock
the Young lady in a low ton and with
a slight blush remarked that she must
retire. and that perhaps he would
like to 90 into the s~mOking-car for g
little while. He was, of course famil.
lar with the western dialect, and at
once understood that she wished to &C
to bed, and that her delicacy forbade
her to indulge in that recreation while
he was not in the car. Accordingly
he babe her goodnight and departed
after which she went to bed and drew
her midnight curtain around her.
An hour later the young man, whC
also had a berth in the sleeping car
entered and was appalled, to find tina
| some one was snoring with tremen
dous violence. He cared little for hi
own ears, but he was indignant tina
the slumbers of his beloved should b.
disturbed by this rude and wicked
snorer. He O found that his in
dignation was shared by nearly all tn
I other passengers They found it i'm
possible to sleep, and the language il
i which they expressed their views wa
forcible n sometimes extremely in
genious.
The young man was unwilling t
content himself with mere words, an,
resolving that the object of his affec
y ton should know that he was watch
ing over her slumbers announced in
) loud tone that he would wake TIL
snorer up without further delay. Ac
5 cordingly he approached the bert
where the wretch was lying, dreN
), aside the curtain, and without irwin
in the dim light to perceive the snol
1 er's features, shook him violently b
the shoulder, and, in a loud voice
t told him he ought to be ashamed {
himself. The miscreant made
5 sleepy and inarticulate reply, bu
ceased to snore, and the young mar
N feeling that he had accomplished
great work. sought his own berth an