The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-01-10
Wit and HumOr.

BUSINESS is so dull IN some branches
now that the tradesman actually lies IN
weight for customer.
ONE of our subscribers doesn't want our
paper any longer. GlaS Of it, the pres
ent length suits US exactly.
JOSH BILLINGS says very truly, "Youd
better not know so much than to know
so many things that amt So"
No Fools THERE. -"Are there any
fools in this city2" asked stranger of
newsboy. mo; do you feel lonesome3'
was the reply.
NATURE seldom makes a phool; she
lets the fellow finish the job to suit him
self.-Josh Billings.
AN exchange says the labor strike has
taken all the hustle out of business. But
the rioters have given it good pull
back.-NorrtstOaon Herald.
EDrroRs amount to something in Ger
many. For instance, the editor of the
general Postoflice journal is called
chsoberamtszeitungsc
belinda, why is kiss like that sew
ing machine of yours!" "Oh, l don't
know. Don't bother me-" "I'll tell you
why. It's BECAUSE it seems so good"
IDoN'T like to talk much with people
who always agree with me. 1t is anus
ing to coquette with an echo little
while, but one soon tires of it.-Carlyle.
mo, ma'am," said grocer to an APP
plicant for credit, II can't trust any more
the day for trust has gone BY
wouldn't even trust my own feelings
now"
PRoFEssoR-"In one evening l count
ed twenty-seven meteors sitting on my
piazza" Class expresses great astonish-
heavenly bodies.
THE MODEL STRIKER.-"Yes, Mr.. Par
son, your religion is all very well, but
it allows only one day of rest in the
week. l want a religion that'll let me
rest all the week."
A STERN parent rebuked his son for
staying out late at night, and said: "Home
is the place for boys" That's just what
| think when you drive me of to school
every morning. said the boy.
"Wuo is the oldest female on record2"
asked Il young lady of the family circle.
ANTE Diluvian," answered her brother,
Not so; it is Ann o Mundi," she said
and the question was considered settled.
THAT boy who took a hornets nest and
undertook to carry it home, thinking he
had a bag of treasures, lost the bag on
his way, but succeeded in getting the
hornets to accompany him to his destina-
nation.
A FARMER, meeting a neighbor near
his corntield, said: "How much corn to
the acre do you suppose have herel" To
which the other growed, as he limped
away; SLOW many achers do you think
have to my corn"
A STUMP orator boosted that his candi-
date ould "hold his own" no matter what
the opposing party might do. YES"
said the opposition speaker, "he always
holds his own and good deal that be-
longs to other people, too"
A LITTLE boy, hearing his parents talk
ing about Il soprano singer who sang in
their church, asked what a soprano vas.
His father answered: "A soprano, NY
boy, is young lady who is up i'll all the
airs and puts EN- on heavy
II Took Her to the Ball" is the title If
new song, but it doesn't say anything
{ bout how it began to rain, how he had
to borrow $40 for u carriage to take her
home, and how, to crown all, the hack
man on reaching her door demanded S12.
Two Times That CANT BE DONE AT
THE SAME IIME.-"Dey amt no niger
on de top sce er keration, said coored
man at Ienille, the other day, putting his
hand to his bandaged head, "what can
sing hymn aa' put dc gear ON Il kickin'
mule ~ de same time
"GooD gracious, what is that, Sethi'
said Mrs. Spicer, II. a fruit peddler drove
past at a. NJ, bowling: Here YAH
Here y-a-a-h peechiz. ripe pcechizm
That's, my dear, said Spicer, drowsiy
boring his head into the pillow, for a
tual nap, that's peaches and scream"
THE TENDER PoINT.-They are takinS
evidence in ii divorce case for cruelty;
the husband is under examination; his
wife, Frustrated with grief, is weeping
bitterly, covering her face with her hand
kerchief. Now says the Judge, "are
you not ashamed to have thus brutally
treated your wife, a tender young woman
OF twenty-fver
The wife suddenly raises her head.
81 beg your pardon" she sobs; ",wen-
ty-fonr only" and she again gives way
to her grief