Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-14
The Burglary at Simpsons.

3, folks arc nOta little alarmed. In Simpson
e Row, alone. enough firearms and ammuni
II ton have been collected to conduct a yer,
n fair-sized war with Mexico, and Simpson
d particularly, has bought whole ar1nory
Y Of weapons and loaded them to the muz
t, zle. Simpsons brother-in-law, Georg,
: Washington Budd. commonly known a.
:. "Wash," lives with him, and tor week.
l. past Wash, upon going to bed, has made
y such preparation and display Of various
a kinds of engines of destruction that :
: looker-on might have concluded that his
purpose was to conduct kind of Battle o
Gettysburgh on his own responsibility.
< The other night Wash, after recappine
all his revolvers. running his thumb along
the edge of his broad-sword, halfcockins
: his gun, and laying his bowie-knife on the
chair, thought he heard a burglar prowl-
ing about down stairs. Buckling on his
5 artillery. Wash, in his stocking feet, crept
down the back staircase, determined to
J annihilate the thief.
Simpson heard the noise ut the same mo-
ment, and ne, thinking Wash was in bed
asleep, loaded up his machinery of death
; and crept softly down the front stairs, also
without his boots.
Both reached the first floor at the same
!. moment. They stopped and listened.
Wash thought he heard the burglar in the
parlor. Simpson felt sure the rascal was
in the dining room pocketing the spoons.
So while Wash trod noiselessly frontward
Simpson stepped stealthily to the rear.
Midway in the hall they came into col
lision. Each felt perfectly certain that the
other was the burglar.
Wash grappled with his antagonist in
stantly. Simpson knew that death strug-
gle had began. SO he took hold with all his
might. Neither had chance to draw his
weapons.
Wash strove to throw his burglar down,
and Simpson, pcrceiving the game, made
huge effort to PROSTATE Wash. They push
ed, and pulled, and jerked, and showed, and
painted. humping up against the wall, kick
ing up the carpet, and maxim. such Il hub
bub that Mrs. Simpson, up stairs in her
room. and afraid to come out, lifted up her
voice and screamed with awful vehemence.
| After Il fearful and desperate struggle,
during which Wash had his coat torn to
rags and a couple of handfuls of hair pull
| ed out, and Simpson had his nose jammed
i againstsa chair. until it felt as If it had
swellcd to the size of watermelon. Wash
let go moment to get his breath. There
upon Simpson made rush for the front
stairs quietly in the dark, and Wash, pref
ty well scared and tired Of war, dashed off
up the back stairs, resolved to go and see
why Simpson didn't come down and help
| wipe the burglar ont.
AS Simpson got to the landing, he saw
Wash's form, by the dim light from the
bathroom, in the back entry.
.'Who's that 20 shouted Simpson ner-
vously, feeling for his revolver.
me, Wash,'' replied his brother-in-
law.
Simpson went to him and said
''Thunder and lightning, Wash! Why
didn't you come down sooner?''
'.Sooner! Why where've you been? I've
had the most awful time you ever heard
Of
'sSo've - replied Simpson. "There's a
burglar in the house, and I've been tearing
him to pieces"
"You don't say? Why, my gracious,
I've had fight with one, too; and | think
laid him out ~
'.You did? Where?''
''Wby, down stairs, there, in the front
entry.'
Not in the entry. you don't meany'
''Yes," said Wash, lin the entry; near
ly banged the head Off OF him. Where
was your man?'
''Why, in the entry, too. QueerI didn't
hear you!''
ut Is queer" replied Wash; ''because l
hammered his nose against chair until it
must be mashed flat.''
"WhOse nOse?
''The burglars; and he tore my coat to
rags and pretty near scalped me-"
'Who didy''
''The burglar
Simpson was silent a minute, and then
he said:
'sCome in here to the light
They entered the bathroom, and Wash
looked at Simpson, and Simpson looked at
Wash.
wash"
s.What:''
sWash, you're the biggest idiot in the
State. Hang me if 1 don't think you've
been fighting with me! Look at my
nose"
mo. You don't say? Did you pull out
your burglars hair, and splinter up his
coat p
I'm afraid did," said Simpson.
''Mr. Simpson" said Wash, camly. ''if
there IS eigger ass on the continent than
| am, think can lay my hand on the
man, party by the name of Jim Simp-
SON."
just at this junctuys Mrs Simpson flew
from her room, down the hallway, and
into the bathroom, where she fell on her
knees, clasped her hands and shrieked:
.'Save me. james! oh, save me! Wash
ingtnn. save me, save me! Don't let me be
murdered! Don't! don't! oh, don't"
Simpson looked sheepishly at Wash;
then, without saying q word, he seized
Mrs. Simpson BY the arm, ran her over to
her bedroom and slammed the door.
Then George Washington Budd went sad
| ly upstairs, disgorged his murderous ap-
paratus, locked his bowie-knise in his
trunk and went to bed.
Both combatants swore secrecy; but
Simpson couldn't help telling his wife, and
she spread it, of course, aud SO here it's
Mar Adeter, In n. ?. Weekly.
Let the greatest order regulate the trans
actions OF your life.