Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1878-03-16

description of Mrs. Tubs experience at
a. T. Stewards retail palace in the year
1852. 1t was published in the Hearth
and Home, but, so far as we know, has
net been printed in book form. 1t is
often read in public by elocutionists,
being a stock piece on their list, but we
have found no way to answer the demand
for it except by reprinting it in our col
umns.
MRS. TUBBs HAS AN ADVENTURE.
Mr.. EDITOR OF HEARTH AND HOME:
Your perfect gentlemanly way of putting
my letter in your paper last winter, writ
as q warning to all bad boys on ice, in
clines me to send another letter which it
will be a warnin' to all young women
never to commit the mistake which | did
most innocent on Saturday gone a week
at a big drag goods store in New York.
| had heerd considerable about this ere
store, but | warn't in no way prepared
for all | see there. Sakes! 1t was equal
to a dozen villages like Vandusenburg
a.c9min' ont O meetin' all at
once. Such a crowd | never see,
and the women mauhn' of the goods
without buyin', and the clerks lookin'
on sarcastic just like you see in any
Ornery store. Well, | went about bet.
tern an hour gettin' a couple o'pair O
good domestic hose for my son Jabe2,
and seven-eighths Of a yard of stuff for
cheese bags; and sudden, bein' uncom.
mon tired, | felt a weak spell commin'
on, and | hadn't hardly strength to ak
for chintE for the settibg-room sofa.
Next story ma'am, says the clerk,
kind o looking sharp at me, wouldn't
you like to take a elevator p"
Well, | was beat! 1t seemed a most
uncommon proceeding, and what | never
heard no gentleman do before, to ask me
to take a elevator. ! had my misgivings
what it meant, for our Jabez with his
jokes and what nots, though his father
and me is most strong temprince folks,
persists sometimes in takin' what he calls
elevators, which is glasses O speerits and
water, calkcrlated, as he says, to raise
drOopin' ieeIins and failin' strength.
"Sir," says |, as lofty as | could, 81
prefer not, and to my mind you'd do
better Tor a respectable shop not to be
Otterin' elevators, l%eastawise not to me-"
So ! kept walkin' round, not likin' to ask
questions shown my country ways, and
still ieeIin' that awful feelin' of goneness
which them as has weak spells is subject
to, when another clerk, hearing me ask
tor Chint2es, said something again about
my takin' a elevator. By this time /
felt awful, and 50, says |, maxim up my
mind it was a York fashion, and it warn't
best to seem too hack.country, Thanks
to you, sir" says |, II don't mind tryin'
something of the kind, bein' most re-
markable thirsty"
Certainly ma'am," says he, bowling
careless towards a stand holdin' a fancy
pail with spigot to it, full of what |
might have took to be water, judgin' by
the taste, but | know well enough it was
some deceittul genteel kind of liquor
with the taste and smell taken out, like
they do to benzine and castor oil.
No sooner had | swallowed a goblet
Of it when the young man pinted
to a little room which, if you'll believe
me, Mr., Editor, give the queerest kind
of jerk you ever see just as | looked in,
and seem comfortable sofas all around
the wallsof it, | stepped in. There was
other ladies gOin' in too, SO we all set
down, and | couldn't help wondering
whether the poor things had been takin'
elevators like me. at won't do no
harm,' says | to myself. "to sit here a
minute or two till this weak spell passes
off, when, massy on me! if | didn't feel
myself AGoIN' UP! Yes, agoin' up and
with me the room, and sofas, and ladies',
and all! | clutched hold of the cushion
and stared kind ovid like as not, for one
of the ladies bit her lin as if contem-
plating to laugh, and still we was all
agoin' up, leastwise so it seemed. ITS
all on account O taking that elevator
thinks | to myself, and then it come up
on me how uncommon appropriate the
word was, meanin' a drink, though often
| had heard Jabez's pascOld him for using
that vulgar expression. But | couldn't
help leelin' scared, particular when see,
all of a student, men and women kind o
walkin' about in the air, Once | jumped
up to go out OF the room, but a man
wOrkin' some clOckworks in the corner
held out his hand. " la n moment,
madam ~ said he, a pushin' me back
with such an air
"Did you take a elevator ?" | whis~
pered to the lady sitting alongside ofme.
She nodded her head without saying
nothing, and from her queer look |
reckoned she was worse affected V
than | was.
ats the first one | ever took in nv
life here in York." continues |; "our
country elevators is more positive to
take, but they don't have nothing like
the effect, though | must say such things
never oughter to be took except in sick
ness"
"Now, madam" says the clock
man, very pompous, you won't have
no difficulty now" Sure enough |
didn't have no difficulty. For a mint
the effect of the elevator passed
off suddener than it came. fol-
lowed the ladies out lively enough, but
sakes alive! what a time | had fndin'
the street door! ! never was 50 bothered
in all my life, though | knowed all along
what was the matter, but lust kept on
without asking no questions of nobody,
and finally agoin' down stairs and down
stairs, and expectin' nothing else but to
find myself in the kitchen, if Mr..
Stewards family lives anywhere in the
buildin', which is most likely, there
bein' enough room should think. Well,
to make a long story short, how l ever
got out Of that store ! don't ever expect
to know, but after | once ketched sight
of them glass doors / didn't turn neck
nor heel till | stood cut on the sidewalk
explainin' private to a police that I'd
been takin' a elevator, and wouldn' he
nutme in a downtown stage. To this day
| haven't said a word about the BUSH
ness to Jabez, nor husband, nor no one to
home. Some things had best be bygones.
But | feel it bOunden duty, Mr.. Editor,
to warn all respectable females, great and
small, not to be led into takin' elevators
when they go into them York stores,
least of all this new.fangled kind which
is equally fatal in consequences to pure
and tastes like nothing on earth
but water, which leads you to taking too
much. Hoping you will print these
honest words for the benefit of all con.
cerned, am, most respectfully yours to