The Lamoille news. (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1877-1881, 1878-02-13
HIS HONOR AND BIJAH.
An Hear a, the Cenrral station Coar,.

An Hear at the Central station Court.
Biiah was pounding the door-mat
against the hydrant, when limping,
fearful lad Of nine came along. The old
man looked at him sharply and asked:
"Chilj, why these evidences Of sor-
row."
Fell down r. sobbed the boy.
How wonderful is gravity" unused
Biiah. "If it wasn't for that we'd all
fall up instead of down. You hit your
toe and"
"Hit my toe agin the curbstone and
went he'd flst all over the street"
"Sartin, you did. You were plug
ging along as if You owned the whole
town, head up and all the jibs drawing,
and Nature took you down a peg.
Starved you right, my child. When a
person gifts too high-nosed to watch their
own feet it's time they tumbled."
HIS RICH AUNT.
Horatio Park, young man on the
doorstep of life, was found crowded into
barrel in an alley at midnight. He
was sound asleep when his feet were
discovered, and when the officer raped
on the barrel and entreated the sleeper
to awake and back ont, he awoke and
replied:
81 will not back out unless paid for
itp
The officer pulled on him, but he
clung to the barrel. His roost was then
rolled up and down the alley for FIVE
minutes, but he seemed to enjoy it.
The head of the barrel was kicked in,
and being attacked on all sides, the
young man surrendered. His personal
effects consisted of a hair-pin and a
boiled egg, but he was tranquil and dig
nifed. Brought before the bar he said:
"Your honor, my rich aunt will call
and settle the bill. I'm in a hurry to
catch the omnibus |"
"This court knows no aunts on un-
cles," replied his honor.
"I'll give you an introduction to-mor-
row-can't wait now"
"There is 40 cause for haste, Mr.
Park. Stand still, now, and explain to
me why you are vagranting around in
this manner? Have you any cash?"
"Only few hundred dollars in
bonds" was the answer.
"What sort of bonds ?"
az don't remember"
Have you home 2
eyes, sir. All outdoors is my
home"
"Too big piece OF property for one
man to handle" sighed the court, as he
gave him sixty days.
THE PARTICULAR MAN.
James Fortense entered grocery on
Michigan avenue and asked for some
silver-plated hens eggs, explaining that
he couldn't think OF buying the common
sort. Failing to find any, he inquired
for cardinal red turnips, London-sn.oketl
potatoes and Goldfish with hole
through it. Such particular man soon
had particular fight ON his hands. He
made objections to the size OF pedes-
trian's nose, and had the size OF his
own increased our-iold, and was arrest
Ell besides.
81 suppose you'll want turtle-soup
mp there, won't you3" asked the court. ;
''Yes, sir, L will also want dress
ing gown, a pair OF slippers, chocolate
every morning, and the daily paper must
be brought to my cell"
(Which daily do you prefer ?" softly
asked his honor.
"Td like one printed in red.
"And ab-ut your daily drives? Do
you want barouche or cab?"
"I'll take bar ooch, guess.
every well. Bijah here will hire a
dray and send you mp diamond pin
and neck-scarf, and I think you'll be
well fixed for the winter"
"Egadl he's soft one |" whispered
the prisoner to Bjah, as they reached
the corridor; 81 didn't suppose he'd
allow me half those things w-Deirott
Free Press.