Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1878-10-09
Mr.. BllliLin. Take. a Mean Advantage.

Mr.. BiIIikins Takes a Mean Advantage.
Tho other night Billikins had an in
durable attack of the popular mania,
and going into a barber-shop had the
lawn mower driven over his head as
long as it could find anything to catch
hold of. He crawled out of the chair
with the look of an escaped convict, and
felt so ashamed of his appearance as he
surveyed his cropped pate in the glass
that he couldn't muster up courage to
20 home and receive the blessing he
seemed confident his wife would have
ready for him, and so he wandered
around among the pool-rooms, posting
up in baseball news, and storing away
lager until quite late. He walked up
the steps softly, so as not to disturb his
wife, who had been snoring two or
three hours, he thoagbt, and began
fumbling through his pockets for his
night key. He searched every pocket
and then turned down his socks and felt
around in his shoes, but the key
couldn't be found!
ga nice go, this is" he muttered to
himself, as he took off his hat, and felt
around on the inside of the lining.
dad sink the luck, anyhow. I've lost
that key, sure, and Martha Ann will
have 10 be wakened up, and then look
out for music! She's a warbler when
she's raised up out of sound nap, and
the way she'll keep the melody going
till daylight won't he slow. But there"
no help for tive got to rouse her.
wouldn't do to bunk out here on the
stOop. or I'd get it all with compound
interest in the morning. No use trying
10 stave of what is bound to come-so
here goes-the matinee will now COM
mence." And he gave a timid knock
and held his breath, as he awaited
developments.
"Who's there!" came from the inside
in voice that made his ears tremble.
sits me, my dear. I've lost my key.
Open the door please" said Billikins,
with a quavering voice and chattering
teeth.
''Oh, its you, is il? Well, I'll yOu
you! Walk right in, and give an ac-
count of yourself, anu tell me what you
mean by loahng around until it is this
time of the night? Oh, yeu monster
Just wait till | get my hands on youv'
and the twin of his soul threw open the
door and gave him pull into the house.
"Oh, you wretch. Don't stop to patch
up mess of lies-you needn't tell me
anything about it. You've been drink
ing again-I know it-you needn't say
a word-can't L smell it? Oh, you
beast, You smell like a grog-shop.
What do you mean, Josiah? Where is
this to end? Are you bound and deter
mined to keep on till you fetch up in
the gutter and kill me with trouble and
shame? Do you hear Inc, Josiah | say
you're a wild, profligate, shameless,
horrid wretch, and for two cents ia
tear every hair out of your head! Oh,
you-yOu-"
And the frenzied woman set her
teeth, stamped her foot and made a
spring for his hair-the flowing ringlets
that had so often given her tempest
tossed fingers haven of rest in moment
Of storm. For the merest fraction of
neeting instant the snowy fingers claw
ed his polished scalp, and then came a
shrek that tore the mosquito bar
Thieves! Murder! Robbers, Help, |
Help! Save me! Save me! And down
she tumbled all in heap, in the mid
die of the foor, leaving Billikin's more
scared than before.
"Thump me, if / don't believe the |
woman has gone dead square crazy"
said Blllikins, as he groped about in
the dark for a match to strike light. |
"What could "a come over her all so
sudden, wonder.
After little difficulty and thorough |
ducking the woman was restored TO con- /
sciousness, but as she opened her eyes !
timidly and saw her husbands barren |
poll glistening in the gas-light just |
above her face she shuddered with |
fright, clasped her hands over her face, |
and moaned-
''Put him out, Josiah; put him out,'
''who, my darling? Look up-your
mind wanders. Wake up and look
arouud-you'll be all right presently"
Mono! Drive out that horrid, ug-
ly, bald-headed man | can't bear the
sight of him-he looks so much like an
ape. Please put him out, please, Josy,
do? He must have slipped in behind
you in the dark"
Mr.. Billikins hah-hahed until he felt
sore in. the ribs; and pulled down his
wife's hands.
"It's only me Martha Ann. Ha-ha-ha!
just take good look at me. I've been
getting my hair cut-don't you see?
Don't it look cool and nice?"
Mrs. Billikins jumped up and gave
him look that would have been death
TO house plants.
"Oh, you old fool ~ she said "WelI,
now, you are beauty, amt you? Nice
and cool! Fudge! Don't tell me, JOSH
oh Billikins! You did't get it shaved
for that all. know you. You wanted
TO spite me that's just what you did
But I'll get even with you some way.
Just wait till that hair gets grown out
again, and see if 1 don't make up for
lost time! Oh, Josiah how could you
Boo hoo-hoov' |,
And as poor Billikins tried in vain to
soothe the sobbing woman, he actually
did feel as though he had taken mean
advantage. (
A Low Chair.