The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-10-24


eft of tramp printers.
One Massachusetts, lady has married
Chinaman. There are three thousand
unmarried ladies where that one came
from. School your issues
Sea serpents of very gigantic size are
being seen on various sections of the sea
coast. Beer at three cents a lass ac-
counts for the phenomenon, doubtless.
We nominate Dennis Kearney for Com
missioner to go down and investigate the
yellow fever, with power to penetrate in
to the very heart of the infected dis
tricts
A New Yorker has failed for 81 100000
He will now, no doubt, write long letters
to the newspapes explaining how the fl
nancil problem may be solved, and every
body make lots Of money.
Probably the mild-eyed goat is the only
animal ever invented that can eat twenty |
four hours day and then get up an hour
before day and devour -four barrel and |
seven old fruit cans for lunch.
Robert Bonner of the New York Led |
ger, is suggested for Mayor OF New York. |
Bonner is great lover of horses, and |
those who are urging his nomination no
doubt think he would give them a stable
government.
While grubbing up stump Hunt
county (Texas) farmer struck an old iron
pot, holding 1926 in silver and fifteen
$40 gold pieces. That's enough Our
chair stands vacant from this date. Gone
to grub.
The parlor matches are in many re-
spects superior, but the old blue lucifers
still hold their own with the man who
has contracted the habit of using the
basement of his pantaloons IN place of
sandpaper.
Over in Massachusetts, they cook meals
for tramps, and trim the plates with pars-
ley After the meal they take the guests
oyer the garden, and cram their pockets
with fruit The walking between here
aud Massachusetts was never in better
condition.
This is a problem that we have
endeavored for some time to clear up,
without success "If three barley ,corns
make an inch, how many inches in a
glass of lager ?" We can find plenty of
men that know how many fingers there
are in a glass of whisky, but that is not
| the question,
A stranger ate pie at the table of
Massachusetts, woman. She noticed that
he took large and impatient bites and
had him arrested He proved to be
horse thief The lesson Of this singular
occurrence is that we should all eat our
pie with modest and leisurely nibbles.
| Mud baths are cure for rheumatism
| The Emperor William is taking them at
| Toplitz. They are sure cure. A good
many Jersey City politicians never have
| rheumatism.
An infant who will insist on bowling
| and kicking after being rendered the last
tooth brush and the only eggbeater in
the house sadly needs that regular mo-
tion of the elbow which Solomon invent
ed and patented
When a mules ears begin to exchange
| approving mods in accordance with the
vibrations of his tail, it is time for the in
habitants in the immediate vicinity to
get away from there, without trying to be
stylish about it either.
The following from the Reno (Nev)
Gazette, is sample OF newspaper courte-
sy: 1T being reported that the editor of
the Virginia Footlight was in town to-
day, the saloon men locked up their beer
and got out their shotguns."
There is a good deal of truth in the
Symmes theory of hollow world. We
are more and more convinced of it every
time we get letter that looks like a
money order and turns out to be an offer
to send US a 500 piano for $50 in adver-
tising and $640 cash.
| Tba H.,
plete catalogue OF his friends can make
the work authentic by trying to borrow
five dollars in time of adversely. He will
have tired pair of legs, though, and
much smaller volume than he anticipated
when the task is completed
Henry was sitting in the parlor with
Laura, and in attempting to turn the gas
down dim he extinguished it. "There.W
he exclaimed, "the gas has gone cut
Yes" murmured Laura, "and l wish
somebody would follow its example,"
Then Henry went out too.
The average boy is not afraid to work
He will labor hard six hours to make
peach stone ring, the value of which is
not over ten cents a bushel; and will
carry trunks ten hours day for a min
strel troupe, for an admission ticket worth
twenty five cents. If the same boys
mother asks him to perform an errand
occupying fifteen minutes time, he
growls, and threatens to run away from
home and become pirate
The st. John Torch has flickered and
gone out. 1t was bright and cheerful
luminary, and the people of New Bruins
wick made sad mistake in throwing
cold water on it. If the editor had had
benzine, or if he had "been SEEM or
words to that effect, it would have been
different.
A Chicago lady of thirty eight years is
the mother of twenty children. She was
married to her second husband lately =
In these days of private hardships and
national peril it is brave man who will
place himself at the head of so numerous
a tribe and step out boldly into the un-
known future.
A new lead and nickel half dollar has
been devised by Comstock philanthro-
plst to distribute among the poor
Tramps, vagrants and bummers can be
furnished with the bogus money, which
is such a close imitation of the original
that the difference cannot be detected.
They can be had at one dollar gross
A western editor thus sums up the
peculiarities OF a cotemporary He is
| too lazy to earn meal and too mean to
eat one. He never was generous but
once, and that was when he gave the itch
to apprentice boy. So much for his
goodness of heart % OF his industry, he
says: The only time he ever worked
was when he took castor oil for honey