Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1878-03-27
CHIPS.

70 CHIPS.
|. When Mr.. Baker took to wife
]. A buxom little dear,
And whispered in her ear,
i. Now do promise thee, my love,
ss For like All bakers, little one,
q ! daily need my doe"
IL -Yonkers Gazette.
. Hens are often set in their ways.
Hostile Indians were killed Ia,
year at cost of I'll GOO each.
i Girls are not allowed to smoke q
. gsrettes In Mexico until they are II
I have never known seckond VIII
; but who was boss ov the situashin.- :
: josh Billings.
The Iowa Peace Society will hol
an snniversary In Iowa City on th
I'D Of April.
Riches will never take wings an,
fly away, If you sprinkle little econ
. omy on its tail.
!. Mem. for landladies: A bountifu
table does not require three kinds O
butter on one plate.
Tho Omaha horse railway will b,
put mp and Knocked down to th,
highest bidder, April IL.
1 The Higher Education of Woman
learing how to walk in French boots
| with six-inch heels.-Punch
/ A Maine liquor dealer has fitted ur
q room for tho business in his garret
A sort of . dramatic club-room.
sTbA world still needs two or three
new Kinds Of patent medicines before
death can be perfectly abolished.
Free Press: Webster doesn't give
the word "blatherskite," but you can
always tell one when you see him.
An African chief with 900 wives
gets along on an income 81 per year,
and $3.50 Of that is spent for rum for
himself.
George Francis Train is now living
on one piece Of dried apple day. We
are interested in his swell-fare.-
Graphic.
There is no propriety in discussing
the locality of hell, for the boy was
right who said: "It's anywhere out
side Of heaven"
"Dis here couple fale TO marry and
de lisensis returned blank" was the
Endorsement returned on q marriage
license by an Alabama magistrate.
"Clergymen," remarks an exchange
'slike railway brakemen, do q great
deal of coupling, All, yes, and then
the coupled ones do all the switching.
"Do you suppose I would make .
fool of myself3" said q Senator to
Ben Wade. "Some people can't help
it," said the aggravating old wretch.
The Carroll Iowa) Herald says
there is man in that place who de-
clined to join the Baptist church be-
cause he was afraid Of the diptheory.
The George Washington sociable of
men who could not tell lies was aban-
doned. The only guests who came
were two insurance agents.--Rome
Sentinel.
The newspaper report that Gail
Hamilton had restored the growth of
her hair by amounting her scalp with
raw onion, has raised tho price of
onions in Washington.
The following notice is to be seen
posted up near Kingston "Look out
BY me taken up one prown mair
init Q red cow und one SOW NIT 6
pigs by me John Schneider"
A Massachusetts, firm is making
jewelry out Of pressed sour milk. It
sells for jet when colored black. No
body but Yankee curd have thought
Of such whey to make jewelry.
A countryman got mad because q
waiter handed him a napkin, the 9TH
or day. He said he "reckoned he
know'd when to use q Handkerchief
without having no hints thrown out"
She said: "Oh, yes, am very fond
of little boys" and as a snow ball
stuck in the back of her neck she add
ed, II feel as though could eat q
couple this minute, boiled. Hart
ford Courant.
Episode in Q politicsl convention at
Titusville. "The Chairman-The chair
will not dispute with Mr.. Carter"
Mr.. .Carter-"The chair had better not
unless he takes his coat off," The
chair did not.
Everyday Absurdities-Not to 20
to bed when you are tired and sleepy
because it is not bedtime. To make
your servants tell lies for you, and
afterward be angry because they tell
lies for themselves.
Soap plays too impartant part in
the affairs of this world to be neglect
ed. Soft soap for instance, gave
Chesterfield his renown, and aversion
to soap has made Henry Clay Deans
name q by-word.-State Leader.
"Boys, don't leave the farm" No,
boys; just take the farm right along
with you when you 60 anywhere
You will find it handy if you fail to
get situation in the city, as you prob
ably will. = Cincinnati, Saturday
Night.
A Danbury man wants to know if
in case Canada should be annexed to
the United States, Washington would
be Canada's stepfather. We are
afraid Stanley Matthe We would have
to be consulted about that.-Dan6uy
NetcS.
A little girl said ~ like the coun-
try because there are NO corners.
When I'm at home mother tells me
not to 60 further than the corner of
the street, but-don't you see ?-there
are no corners here, and can GO
anywhere"
Two Holyoke women gave birth to
three babies each on the same day.
One of the fathers 10 described az be-
ing "as much set up as . country
store," but the other declared that
triplets were 'stoo darned much of .
good thing"
The other Sunday, . bright little
girl of three years attended service
at an Episcopal church, where the
rector was one of her particular
friends. She objected to her mother
making the responses, saying "Don't
speak, mamma; don't say anything.
Uncle John isn't talking to you."
Snipkins refused to get his wife q
new hat, and soon after his little girl
came in and said: "Mamma, won't
you buy me monkey to play with
when you 60 down town 2" "No, dar-
ling-wait till you are older, and then
marry one, as I did" replied the
grief-stricken wife, her tears bursting
forth afresh.
Outside the meetin'- h ouse Deacon
Norwood Cto Elder Tompkins)-
sir; . man with hope and without no
faith is just like young man in q
row boat, who amt got only one oar,
and rows round and round in q cir
Gle and don't get nowhere. Small
boy (at safe dfstance)-If he warn't
q darned fool, he'd scull.
A Yankee told q story about q
flock of crows thee miles long, and
so thick you could not see the sur
through ii. "Don't believe it," was
the reply. "Wa'alp said the nara.
tor Ovnn,ro a otro n ~nr aud Inv,,,