The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-02-07
Wit and HumOr.

HE country SOutlOOk may De summed
up in-"Duler politics and livelier bust
ness"
MILLER's daughter may be the
flour of the family, but she often "sacks''
the farmers who come to the mill.
A sTATIsrIcIAN thinks thaYthe kind of
flower which is oftenest raised by the
mother of unruly boys, is the lady's-
slipper.
THIS seems to be very "off" year
with great many tinaneiers. They are
off to all parts of the world, beyond the
reach of United States law.
WHAT is the difference between a
poor gun and hired mas1 uerade cos
tume9 One is fired and doesn't hit, and
the other is hired and doesn't fit.
A DUTCHMAN was about to make a
Journey to his fatherland, and wishing
to say "good bye" to friend, extended
his hand and said, "Vell, if don'd
come back, hullo.'
NOT PRovEN.-Presbyterian Minister
~'Don't you know its wicked to catch
fish on the Sabbath" Small boy
1not having had rise all the morning.,
~'Who's catchin' fish9'
"DocroR, l am feeling unwell; can t
you do something for me!' ''Yes, |
guess so. Ah,ah; let me see your tongue,
madam (abstractedly), ah, yes, over
worked-overworked, madam" She
didn't wait for the prescription.
"GO to the ant, thou sluggard," said a
flor, t> - Il mol In,
AZ know better thing than that" said
the tramp, with wink. "What is it?'
asked the gentleman. "I'll start II saw
ings bank" answered the tramp.
"CoME, pa" said youngster just
home from school, show many peas are
there in a pint!' "How can anybody
tell that, you foolish boy?" II can
every time. If you don't believe it,
try me-" "Well, how many are there,
thena" "Just one p in every pint, pa
THE best story that has been told on
the stump in the campaign is that of the
man who, having lost his wife, was asked
TO ride to the grave with his mother-in-
law. He objected at first, but allowed
himself to be persuaded, adding, how
ever, II want you to understand that ii
robs this occasion of all pleasure for me-
"MAY every hair in your honor's head,
said an old lady, looking at Sir Charles
Taylor's powdered and pomatumed
locks, may every hair in your honor's
head be candle to light your sowl to
glory" And as he bowed, hat in hand
in acknowledgement, and disclosed hi,
bare crown-"May the blessed Virgin
give you more of them
A MAN who was trying to sell rather 6
dismal residence boosted that it com
manded view of the railway station
A'But that doesn't make it any NOR,
pleasant" said the party who was ex
pected to purchase it. "Oh, yes, it does,
replied the owner, confidently; sit make:
it gay here. You can stand on this
stoop and see everybody that misses the
train ~
SCENE Gin a theatrical agency).-Ar
artist enters. "Well, sir, what can dc
for you! What is your line of business
'"Low comedy, sir" What parts are
you up inl"' "Hamlet, King Lear
Rchelieu, Othello!" Hold on-those
know if they ere or not. All know is
that l make the people laugh when
play in them
That's where the boys fit for college,
said the professor to Mrs. Partington
pointing to IA school-house. Did they
said the old lady, with animation. Then
if they fit for college before they went
thay JiIp't ti,rhf afterwards ~ ..Nos =
said he, smiling, and favoring that de-
-ceit; "but the fight was with the head
not with the hands" "Butted-did
they2" said the old lady.
BEWARE of pleasantries in addressing
strangers. Punch tells an anecdote OF
a young man at dance introduced to a
partner, whose name he did not catch
and to whom he said, "Are you going to
the piggeryl" referring to ball which
was going to be given by well-known
family of Hogges. ~ am one of the
litter" was the smart reply, the young
lady being herself Miss Hogge.
A NEIGHBoR informed me that he
knew an Irishman who engaged ply
stefan to doctor his wife for a certain
fee, kill or cure. After time his wife
died, and the doctor called for his fee.
Said the bereaved husband: "You
didn't cure my wife, did youi"
The doctor said, "No."
"Did you kill herr"
The doctor was silent, and lost his fee
The manse of Melrose is situated close
by the fine ruin of the Cathedral, and
~nm amanda an intcrestipO view of the