The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-06-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

A RAINING taVOr1te-An umbrella.
WHEN dog is muzzled his bark is on
the tied.
WHAT beats good wife? A bad
husband.
The photograph is like the small
brother of young lady. It will repeat
everything said in its presence.
THE horse, bowed down by weight of whoa,
To weakest oats will cling;
Nor whip nor spur can make him go,
Nor any other thing.
"WHY this concourse of people, my
friend ?" he asked. "It is not a CON
course, sir, it is race course" replied
the spectator.
"WE11, says his friend, "you are
round again" eyes," says the fellow
with the account in his hand, ''but [
want to get square.
AN individual complaining of his bad
luck says he got ahead but once, and
that was cabbage, and even that was
stolen from him before he got home.
A NEWLY ARRIVED Chinaman has only
twenty-five letters of the English alpha
bet to learn he is well acquainted with
Exchange. He is also apt to be
familiar with sea, and is sure to have
cue in his head.
IT is said that "glass eyes for horses
are now so beautifully made that they
completely defy detection" The imita-
ton must be wonderful, indeed, for we
understand that the horses themselves
cannot see through the deception.
"EvER of Thee I'm Fondly Dream
ing" was the burden of his song in the
honied days of courtship, but he found
out, mighty shortly after marriage, that
he must wake up and scratch around to
keep the kettle boiling. Breakfast
Table.
"VAT a monster language" says a
Frenchman "here [ read In re news
papere Eat man commit murder, was
committed for trial and zen committed
himself to reportair. No wonder ev-
erything in America is done by COM
mlttee."
TIE DUO de Morny's definition of a
polite man is the hardest to realize of
any ever given. GA polite man." said
he, sis one who listens with interest to
things he knows all about, when they
are told by a person who knows nothing
about them.
JENNY kissed me when we met
Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
Sweets upon your list, put that in
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
Say that health and wealth have missed me,
Say I'm growing old; but add
Jenny kissed mel
Leigh Hunt.
ARCHITECT" What aspect would you
like, Mr.. SmitherS?" Mr.. Smithers
(who is about to build house,"
Muggles'' Ca rival tradesman) "got a
haspect? 'Cause-mind yer, should
like mine made good deal bigger than
is Punch.
A MAN who was knocked down the
other day by an omnibus was asked if
he was hurt, and replied "No. " "Wen,
I thought you must be, ;" said his friend,
busting him carefully. "for you acted
rather odd and confused" "Ah! 1
acted so because I was stage-struck."
"TH1s is the place where they make
rem arked one traveller TO
another, as the train passed through
Berea, Ohio, the other day. "Ah, is it?
Well, what do they make 'em out OFF,"
uueried the other, throwing up the
window and plunging out his head, with
much interest.
DURING all his investigations at Ny
cenee, DIR. Schhemann has not discovered
a sing gle cuspador, and it is dishearten-
ing to lover of the classics to think of
Agamemnon wandering distractedly
about the place with cigar in his fin
gers, looking for house-plant or coal
scuttle. -HdWk-Eye.
"YoU are very much mistaken, Mr..
Jackson. The woman do not dress to
please the men. The idea Ha ! ha !
It's ridiculous p "Well, then, Miss
Thompson, I should like to know who 4
they do want to please. Not themselves,
surely ?" "Why, no; certainly not.
They do it to spite one another, that's
all. Breakfast Table.
SERGEANT MAJOR Now, Private
Smith, you know very well none but
officers and nop-commissioned officers
are allowed to walk across this grass !"
Private Smith" But, Sergeant Major,
I've Capt. Graham's verbal orders to
Sergeant Major" None O that,
sir Show me the Captains verbal or