The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1878-06-06

NO. S2i Is the portrait Oh an AlneTlcan
statesman. See the beer on his breath.
How fond he is OF cloves. He is man OF
genius. He fears to wear Il collar for fear
of offending the tramps. he fears to go
without one for fear OF offending the gen
tllity. So he compromises, and wears the
same collar three weeks. The tobacco
stains on his shirt-front he put there him
self. The black eye he got the last time he
called Mississippi statesman to order. He
| is Just in the act OF telling a rural consttll-
ent than when he goes to Washington be
rooms with the President, and that the Pre-
sident calls him "Bill, my boy" and he al
ways addresses the President as Skinny"
Tt is 4 lie; not very good one, but it will
do.-Haecheye.
Our ultr0-fasbionabe people are adopting
that insutferable English custom OF putting
Mansard roof on their names. Plain Mrs.
Jones or Mrs. Smith won't do nowadays; it
must be Mrs. De Percy Snook-Jones or Mrs.
Algerncn de Snob-Smyth.-Nycum ado.
The world every day sees illustrations Of
woman's faith. The girl who believes that
her No. 5 foot will go in No. , shoe will
always be supplemented by the maiden who
cannot be convinced that her scarlet hair is
not rich auburn.
| II we would see certain industrious
class cOntinueJo exist cease all talk about
abolishing hanging for murder. Let the
death penalty be done away with, and in 4
month there wouldn't be an organ-grinder
or book agent alive in the country.
"Havc you damp sheets in your house"
asked guest OF manager Of fashionable
hotel as he registered his name. "No,"
replied the manager, "but I'll have 4 pair
dampened for you il you wish" The
stranger retired.
The Dean Of Chichester was select
preacher at Oxford the other day. eye
men OF SCIENCE" said he; aye men Of
science, leave me my ancestors in paradise,
and. | do not grudge you yours in tine
geological gardens
President Porter, OF Yale College, said in
n sermon last Sunday that for one he was
prepared to give up any and all of the tenets
Of Congregationalsn II q real union OF the
religious denominations could be thus ac-
complished.- Boston Advertiser.
A society for the study OF the Irish Ian
euaoe has been organized in New York
with so much success that all the boys
know what Colleen Dawn means.-BoSton
| Post.
a chronic growler who lived in board
| ing-house kept the landlady in n state OF
torment all through the holidays by always
remarking, at meal time, Things are get
ting tough, tell YOU"
The Buffalo Erpress's Photographer,
speaking through experience, answers Mary
E. Neally's question, "Can love dic?" in
the negative, but admits that it can be
dreadfully adjourned occasonally.'
1t seems to be settled fact now that SIdi
Abdul-Kader Ben kouider will attend the
Paris Exposition. With such an attraction
as Ben, it looks rs ii the thing ought to pay.
C0urier-J0rndt.
a new house-paintcr has come to Bur-
lington, who announces himself as "Pro-
fessor OF fence decoration and director of
kalsomine cntertainments."-B burlington
Hdlskeye.
Marriages are said to have been more nl-
merous in Wisconsin during this spring
than 1T any time Tor many years past, and
there is no surer sign OF general pros
perity.
The appearance OF two boys who had
blackened their faces in sport so frightened
4 nine-year old girl at Goshen, n. Y.,'that
she lost consciousness, and died the next
day.
cage and wedlock bring man to his night
cap" remarked the philosopher. when his
wife inquired why he cEewcd cardamon
seeds in bed.-De1TicE.
Zone hour to-day is worth two to-mor-
row "-becauSe there may be a baseball
game that will occupy all your time.-Neu
Haven Register.
"Wherc are the songs OF spring? Aye,
where are they?" asks Keats, and PucIc
says, swell, by this time they are around
at the old paper MANS"
Beggars ride on horseback in Brazil, and
they are ready to do so in the United States
were not the railroads more handy.-E-
mira ddUertiSeT.
When each and every person in our land
owns bank, a railroad, four stores, and
span Of congressman, times will begin to
look up.-Ne,1 York Graphic.
"What," asks the Philadelphia Press,
"becomes OF all the promising children 20
We know what becomes OF their promising
fathers; they go to protest.-Halgheye.
When boy bats ball through q parlor
window the boy may not lose his inning.
but the man who owns the window is inTa-
riably put out.
1t has been proposed to the Khedive OF
Egypt to convert into paper the cloth OF the
mummies, of which it is calculated 400, 00O,-
600 must be deposited in the pits OF Egypt.
II Max Strakosch doesn't 90 stark, star
ing mad it will not be the fault OF his Lead
ing donnas or the reporters for the Chicago
press.-Neao. York Commercial.
The Deadwood Pioneer Of Dakota makes
out q bad show for Landlord Hoffman, who
during row was ''shot twice in the abdo-
men and once in the barber-shop adjacent"
1t has just been discovered that the quail
ity OF humor is not strained. This will ac-
count for its too frequent coarseness.-
Reading Times.
One good result OF the silver bill-one
doesn't have to skirmish all over the coun-
t1y for something to cut the baby's teeth
on Worcester Press.
1t is revolution to probe fraud, but
Christian grace to steal, according to the
latest Republican authorities.
The crate weakness oy most people laws
In the fact that their naburs kno them bet
ter than they kno nemselis.-Josh Billings.
Father" said a smart boy, 81 don't
want to 60 to work. I'd rather have a So
loon and keep baseball record"
The Gear has presented the Sultan with
beautifully-fnished copy Of "Five Acres
Enough. Cincinnati Commercial.