, 1878-05-10
Wit and HumOr.

A CORRESPONDENT asks whether we be.
Iicye that women should yotet Well, yes,
yhen parasols are stolen as freely rs UNI
brellas.
AN old maid in the West End lost a
tayorite cat by death, and she had the
skin stuffed for pillow-a new variety
of cater pillar.
Your whskers are turning gray, Lean
der" observed Mrs SpikinS the other
morning. "Why don't You shave them
Gfi" "I'd dye first" replied SpiIkius.
81 DIDN'T know" said an old lady, as
she laid down her newspaper, "that
thieves were 50 scarce they had to adver-
tise for cm and offer reward for their
discovery
SAID friend to a bookseller, "rhc
book. trade is affected, | suppose, 10y the
General depression. What kind Of books
feel it mostE" "Pockct.books," was the
laconic reply.
A BosroN writer in alluding to the
musical taste Of the Hub, says: sour
ears haze been cultivated until they over.
shadow our ether organs Same way out
at Milwaukee.
An Iowa schOom-ress las been dis
charged because, for the amusement Of
of the children during recess, she stood
on her head. One of the trustees chanced
to see the feat.
MARY CLEMMER AMEs says Isabella
BeeCher Nooker's voice rings with an
emotional timbrc.' Aha Nothing
shinger about that. Comes from the
roof Of her mouth, probably.
ONE evening little girl whose mince
pie had been badly nibbled by mice,
heard a mouse squealing in the wall, and
said "Ah! mousey, you eat too much
mnce pie before you went to bed"'
OYER go'n spend every cent what |
bring yer home for striped stockins', an
tier amt nuthin' to eat in ther house" is
what drunken man was telling bar
ber's pole when "A policeman arrested
him.
AN Irish servant girl recently boosted
to a lady that at her old place she always
rose at four, made the fire, put on the
kettle, prepared breakfast and made all
the beds in the house before any one was
up in the house.
81 TELL you, sir" said dogmatic NOR
alst, "that the time is surely coming when
stealing will be thing of the past
"IIow so?" asked Il bystander, because
there will be nothing left to steal, an
swered the dogmatic moralist
A WOMAN said to her husband, who
was a querulous man and an unprosper-
Gus physician; 81 wish you had some Of
the patience of Job,n to which he re-
sponded: ~ wish | had, with all my
heart, or the patients of anybody else
A "PARvENUn has u son twelve years
old. The Child,who has been well brought
up, is in the habit Of speaking to the old
family valet with n certain degree of re
spcct One day his father takes the boy
aside and says to him: George, you are
now large enough to be little less polite
to the servants
\ BARBER, who was measuring law
yer for wig,exClaimed: "Why,how long
your head is" "Ycs," said the legal
gentleman, much pleased. 1--WE lawyers
must have long heads" A moment later
the barber exclaimed "Why, your heads
as thick as it is longw The Lawyer didn't
respond that time.
The simplicity Of rural Courtship
was never better illustrated than by the
following anecdote; I'm gaun to be
marrit, Peggy" said hind to a servant
lass whom he had been in the habit of
visiting. SAY, are yel And to whom,
gin ] may be allowed to speir2" ITO
yersel', Peggy care ye!' said Peggy;
81 wish had kenn'd sooner" ,
"MY dear child" said an old lady to
her niece, "Im afraid you made mistake
in choosing George for your husband.
He's the most singular man ever saw"
"Do you mean, aunt that he is not at all
like other menl" "Yes, my dear, that's
Just what / mean" "Very well, aunt;
but my opinion is that the less he is like
other men, the better husband he'll
make
A WAC had kept up continual fire of
wltticisms at social party, when puri-
tanical gentleman, who enjoyed sermons
and snuff better than jokes and puns,
sharply observed, "If you keep on you
will make every decent person leave the
house" THAT would he sorry joke"
was the dry reply, "for you would GER
tainIy be very lonesome when left here
alone"
A YOUNG widow whose aged husband
had died, bccomingly appeared two
months afterwards at the Paris Marie to
announce her forthcoming marriage to
hercousir. Pardon me, madam > observed
tne clerk, "but the law peremptorily for
olds woman to marry within ten months
OF her husbands death" "Ies, truly"
replied she; "but are not these eight
mouths Of paralysis to be taken into con-
slderatonI'
AMAN WAS going over field when sud,
uuenly he saw bull with head down and
ieet paving the grass. The man went
loF the nearest fence, but just as he
reached it he felt himself lifted by the
TWO masts of the bull, and he fell on the
Sther side. He got up, and pointing his
unger at the beast said, "I'll have re-
yyenge. I'll get even with you. I've
Seen eating mutton all my life Hence