Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-07-12
Wit and HumOr.

Transported 1Or nIo-the man who
marries happily.
The more i'll a mans luck is. the less
likely it is to die.
The cheapest of lawyers-keeping
ones own counsel.
The best means of Catching an heir
ess" is with a coro-Tlet.
An eloquent speaker is like a river
greatest at the mouth.
The lady who knit her brows has com
menced a pair of socks.
Love is like a cigar; the longer it
burns the less it becomes.
Wanted to know-whethert the volume
of sound has yet been found.
All diseases speak to us solemnly and
eIoquently, except the dumb ague.
Shocking knowledge-personal &C
quaintance with a galvanic battery.
The last time Col. Bob Ingersoll lee
tured in q theatre he ignored The pit.
A man winds up his clock to make it
go, and his business to make it stop.
A disappointed lover down east lately
hung himself with string of ohiens.
Tennyson says that every sea is full of
life. He should have excepted the Dead
Sea.
It does not follow that Rome was built
in the night, because it wasn't built in
day.
At . west-end debating society,
wheel right is said to be the best spokes-
man.
No man can avoid his own company
so he had best make it as good as pos
sible.
A public speaker, like a hunting-dog,
should give careful attention to his
points.
An arch young lady should be an
archer, for she can. bend her beau as she
pleases.
Large men are less quarrelsome than
little ones, The largest of all oceans is
Pacific.
Money is well spent in purchasing
tranquility of mind.
AN old bachelor says that during
leap-year the ladies jump at every otter
of marriage-hence the term.
He who travels through life in the
hope of jumping into the shoes OF
another, mostly goes on a bootless
erTand.
"A couple of sailors were recently
arrested in Plymouth for throwing
buckets of tar over each other. 1t was
a pitch-battle.
"A young woman can have no excuse
for thinking her lover wiser than he Is,
for if there's any nonsense in him, he Is
sure to talk it to her.
Stay awake in church. It is a shame
for the church to be made cemetery,
where the living sleep above ground as
the dead do beneath.
When we find ourselves more inclined
to persecute than persuade, we may be
certain that our zeal has more of pride
in it than charity.
Useful knowledge can have no enc
mics except the ignorant; it cherishes
youth, delights the aged, is an ornament
in prosperity, and yields comfort in adj
versity.
Seem not ashamed of your business if
it is an honest one. Better smell of
the shop than cover yourself with odors
and essence, which, half-disguising, rem
der it disgusting.
Those who would render their charities
useful should judiciously diffuse them.
He who would have a good crop must
SOW with his hand, and not pour out of
the sack into one heap.
Many who would not for the world
utter a falsehood, are yet eternally
scheming to produce false impressions on
the minds of others, respecting facts,
characters, and opinions.
We are q part of the place we are in,
and our spirits are sustained or elevated
to the tone Of our surroundings. One is
wiser in his library than in the street,
and in the woods or fields than in either.
A wise man need not be invested with
power in order to be convinced that
power is garment bedizened with gold,
which dazzles the beholder by its splen-
dor, but oppresses the wearer by its
weight.
High and beautiful is the lot of a great
poet. His Tyre is the world, and the
strings on which he plays are the souls
Of men: When he wills it, these tones
are called forth, and melt together in
undivided harmony,
The present rage for book-making
seems to point to a period when every
man will have quite enough to do to
read his own productions. Then, how
ever, every writer will be sure to hay
an appreciative reader
"A celebrated wit was asked why he
did not marry young lady to whom he
was much attached. 81 know not" he
replied, "except the great regard we have
for each other"
The cheeks of lady in the autumn of
life, and the leaves of the trees in the
autumn of the year, often grow Fedder |
and redder; but nature is not always in |
both cases the artist.
1t was once said of the young ladies |
of Paris, that they loved with their heads,
and thought with their hearts. There |
are many young gentlemen of our day,
who do neither with either.
"A correspondent offers his services as
u letter-Writer, and warrants his epistles |
to start parents tear, stir the expiring |
embers of waning affection, and awaken |
the full ecstacy of lovers heart"
"A coed cement to mend broken
china is made by mixing thick solution !
of gum arabic with plaster of Paris, until |
it becomes a sticky paste. Stick the
broken edges together with this, and let |
them remain three days
Little Annie is too cunning for any,
thing, and, like most little folks, she says
queer things. A few nights ago her
mother had prepared her for bed, and |
kaeeling by her mothers side she re-
Peated the Lord prayer as usual. She
had no sooner concluded it than she re-
Peated It again rapidly. rAnnie, said |
trt'i nei lnooihery why do you say your prayer
twice u Then the litfla iDrSocca,,t fooI,aj
up and remarked: Gwen. mamma I feel