The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-08-24
VARIETIES.

"A DOCTORS fees, for instance, would
you call them ill-gotten gains?
Dom Pedro says that America is
twenty years in advance of European
civilization.
If man is kicked over by a cow,
can he not be said to get free milk
punch?-Pucb.
The three degrees in medical treat
ment: Positive, ill; comparative, pill;
superlative, bill.
The fly that lights on the bristling
head of the swell of the period gets
stabbed to death.
Russia finds nearly all her dreams
of absolute power in Eastern Europe
Disraelized. - Commercial.
The Rembrandt hat, of white plush,
with large white plumes, is intended
for blondes for dress occasions.
Thare IL no good substitute for wis
dun, but silence il the best that haz
been discovered yet.-JoSh Billings.
The Philadelphia Bulletin suggests
that graduates of female colleges be
given the title of "Spinster of Arts"
An air-tight trunk is the latest nov
city. The key-hole is hung on a strap
fastened to the. andle.-DGnbary
NeWS.
1t was Horace Smith who said:
"Your voiceless lips, o flowers, are
living preachers; each cup a pulpit
and each leaf q book"
"A discounted soldier, who found
that he had shot an Indian already de-
funct, was overheard to murmur: 81
didn't know it was Lo dead -
"A Wisconsin church has been aided
by a g grand religious hoss-trot." This
is an improvement on the grab-bag and
lottery business.
Women are becoming more numer-
Gus among the stock Spectators of
San Francisco. They are said to be
more eager and reckless than men.
In the wheat bull movement of
Milwaukee, Peter McGeoch, who, three
years ago, went out of the Board pen
niless, made 100000 in a single day.
When the summer sun begins to sizzle,
And husks of ice begin to drool,
Life seems indeed a fearful fzzle
To him who would but can't keep cool
"A company has been formed at
Olympia, Wyoming Territory, to bring
ice from a glacier in the mountains,
which is supposed to contain 100, 900 or
more tons.
- Stack arms: Pitchforks and
rakes. = Chicago Journal Ground
arms: Spades and hoes. -JacksomUille
III. Journal. Present aims: A dona-
tion.-Graphic.
-''We all knows" said cockney
school-committeeman to a new teacher
he was examining for her position,
"that A, b and G is wowels; but what
we wants to know is Wy they is So"
The battle of Lookout Mountain,
says Gen. Grant, was one of the TO-
mances of the war. There was no such
battle and no action even worthy to be
called battle on Lookout Mountain.
AT 2 o'clock DR.. Carver stepped
into the field. 1t had been raining
hard. He began firing at the drops,
and in five minutes had shot dry space
of half an acre around him. Ell Per-
Ei2aS.
The same backache which makes
boy howl when he's digging potatoes
wreathes his face in smiles when he
slips off the back way to the picnic
Boys are curious insects. -Br1dgepoH
Standard.
The grasshoppers have appeared
in Central America. Latest advices
from Honduras state that the crops
have entirely disappeared in day, and
the sparsely populated localities are
entirely at their mercy.
"A Virginia miser who left $780,
900, about,half his fortune, to endow a
manual labor school for children, used
to live in a house where there was less
than $500 worth of furniture. His
name was Samuel Miller.
"A tramp few days ago begged a
piece of bread at.the house of prom
inent citizen of Erie. When the pro-
prietor came to the door he recognized
a former oil prince, whose business
capital recently was 100000.
=" What is the National air of this
country?'' asked a foreigner in Wash
ington. "That is the National Lair
replied native, pointing to the Capt.
toll, but the animals are all out in the
jungle just now, chasing voters.''
The London Examiner, referring
to the fact that Chinaman in Califor-
mia has absconded with several thousand
dollars entrusted to him by his country
men, cordially remarks that the Chinese
are evidently quick to perceive and
adopt the customs of the country.
I'm Stockbridge, Mass, there is
society of ladies who protect the trees
of that charming town, seeing that new
ones are planted, caring for the old
ones, etc. Every year this society has
a celebration, with an address from
some member on the culture of trees.
Montreal, the principal city of the
Canadian Dominion, has a population
of 100000 OF these one half are French
Catholics. The remaining half con-
sists of some so, 900 Irish Catholics, and
10000 English-speaking Protestants.
Less than ZOO of these Protestants are
Orangemen.
Behind its emerald covering the
seductive cucumber conceals a row of
double teeth, and woe to the man who
enters the combat with it single-handed.
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