New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1878-07-31
HumOrlst Items.

What the milkman never treats you to
A nice cream.
Motto OF commissioners is
Heavens worst law.
How to acquire short hand-Fool
around a buzz saw.
Out in the Black Hills jack rabbits are
called narrow-guage mules.
The Louisville Courier Journal parses
'.love'' as ssfne-night verb
It was on entering barber shop that
Rienzi said, II come not here to talk
A Wisconsin base ball player took
hot liner on his nose, and now he smells
through his ears.
The Greeks kept no cats, and wore no
boots; hence they had no use for boot
jacks.
A Young Oil Citizen calls his sweet
heart Revenge, because she is sweet
OIL City Derrick.
<sAll flesh is grass yet very poor
quantity of hay is obtained by cutting
ones friends:
Put two slices of cucumber into pao
,nograph and hear whether or not it yells
Tor doctor.
TWINS have occurred fifty times in
tOhio within the past year, so great Is the
demand for Ohio men.
=. An Irishman wanted to know if tae
hero of Greece, s'Mark O'Bozarris'' wasn't
a. son of the old sod.
,ba Mad dogs might as well go out of tn
Business There are now thirteen diff
9ferent cures for hydrophobia
The young man who boosted that he
could marry any girl he pleased found
that he could not please any.
If there is any one who is anxious to
know how to make dollar, he is respect
ed to visit the mint.
A newscigar has been named the can
nex' It is to be hoped that the prOpri-
etors will not charge an-extra price for
them. 1,t
A sign posted up in a Wisconsin saw
mill reads '"The saws are all running
no use to touch them to convince yonr-
selves "
The air is so balmy that the young
women who is taking piano lessons can
have the window up. This is very graft
tying to us.
Didn't you always notice that when
you spilled bowl of gravy at dinner,
the attraction of gravy -tation is strongest
toward your lap?
Mister Twiggs: This is how it is,
Miss; some flowers are like some peo-
ple-plart 'em anywhere and they'll
grow beautiful. London Fun.
"One is glass in eyes and the other is
isinglass." That is the answer-and a
very clever one it is, too. What we want
now is conundrum to fit it.
There hasn't been Western town up
set by tornado, or rent in twain by a
cycle for whole day Go West, young
man, go West and blow up with the
country.
"What is the name of your cat, sire
inquired visitor. His name was Will
iam,' said the host until he had fits
and since then we have called him Fitz
William
s'Why," asks housewife, "does pork
shrink in the coeking9" Woman avaunt
We are too busy trying to find out Why il
shrinks in the smoke house to answer
such trivial question.
An editor asks: elbow do the indians
get arms?' and the atrocious Cincinnati
Saturday Night supplies the information
as follows: ''Wsll very much as they
get legs and other things.''
On being asked why he went int
bankruptcy, he replied: "Well, my Ii
abilities were large, my liabilities mum
erous, and my probabilities unpromising
and so thought I'd do as my neighbour
do.n
'sWhat good is they, anyhow" scorn
fully remarked a bootblack, referring t,
the fair sex. Did you ever know EN- t
stop and give Teller a job? Not much
They amt got no shoes on tit to blacken
anyways" i
s'Gates Ajar' may be very beautiful il
the minds eye of a sentimental youns
lady, but when fellow is hurrying HON
upon a dark and stormy night and finds
few gates ajar he cusses awfully. Tha
is, if they swing across the walk.
When you see a young man come stroll
ing up the street at twilight, with hi
face all scratched, no hat, white YES
with traces OF canned peaches on it, AM
light pantaloons torn and ragged, it IS
sign that that young man has been on
picnic, and firmly believes that he ha
had lots of fun.
A magazine writer says there is a Ian
guage of the hair. Don't doubt it in tn
least. At any rate we have heard OF tol
cradle well authenticated cases where
ingle auburn hair ona dark coat. cola
could talk palmer than guide board
and furnish the material for Who'll