The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-02-01
WIT AND HUM0R.

| HENS Sl4AN0.- III NOu.
Boston Commercial bulletin.
A RED-HEADED girl described herself
As a glorifed blonde.
The drop curtain is so called because
the gentlemen go out for drop while it
is down.
A MAN never uses his thumb nail for
q screw-driver but Once.-OM City Der
rick.
The difference between pig and
porcupine is that one uses pen and the
other quill.
WHAT will the harvest bee? &c: him
up the leg of your pantaloons and you'll
mighty soon find Out.-Derrick.
The farmer, rs he gazes over the mar
ket report and notices another drop in
pork, wonders if there isn't a way to re-
monetize hogs.-Keokuk, Io,cd.
"CAN you tell me, Sor-r, wher-re
Mistress Murphy lives?" (Which
Mrs. Murphy?" "The one who died
last noight, Sor-r!"
AsTONIsHED ENGIIsHMAN -"HOf
course there's hel. Wat would the
halphabet be without hel?"-Bost0n
| Traveller.
IT has been discovered that the best
way to prevent apples from rOtting II
let a family of fifteen children have free
access to them every day.
"YoUNG politician writes to ask is
the ship of state three masters" No,
sonny. With Carl Schurz reaching after
the masters position it looks more like a
foreign after.-Hdackeye.
DIFFIDENcE is hard to overcome"
wrote the schoolgirl, in her composition.
All, yes; 80 it il, but the man with corn
under another fellows heel must and
will howl.
THE Danbury News observes that a
great many young men who "swore OFF,
on New Years day are manifesting an
inclination to say, Well, we've got bur
one life to live, anyway"
a PHILOSOPHICAL observer remarks
that babies which are found are gener-
ally the children of women who have
been lost.
olive in Julia's eyes, said an affected
dandy in Colman's hearing. II don't
wonder at it," replied George, since
observed she had a sty in them when /
saw her last"
A GENTLEMAN, visiting an Irishman,
observed monster pig strutting about
the house, and asked how they got such
! brute up those two stairs?" May it
phase yer honor" said Paddy, I" it was.
never down to be tux up"
A NATIVE Of Newcastle was asked by
gentleman lately to purchase some
poison for him at neighboring chemists,
| for the purpose of destroying dog.
"Na, ma" said he, :" if IA ask for poison,
the man'll mebbies think aa's gan to
droon myself"
! "PAY the bill?" said gentleman who
is well known to collectors as the prince
of procrastinatOrs. - should be happy
to do so; but this damp weather has.
caused my money drawer to swell, and j
can't get at my funds. Come the first
dry day."
"WMNo out the old" says Tennysop;
| We wonder does he mean
| The cid, old shirt, that week on week
| SO Oft wrung out has been.
| If so, say ring in the new"
| Nor seek our hopes 10 cozeD,
| Ring in the newest and the best,
-Yonter's Gaseiie.
TEN dimes make one dollar" said the
schoolmaster. "Now, 60 on, sir Ten
dollars make one-what?" "They make
one mighty glad these times" replied the
boy, and the teacher, who hadn't got his
last months salary yet, concluded that
the boy was about rightly y. Com.
Adc
| HARD TIMEs-Principal- What are
the firms requirements, Mr.. Screwgy2"
Head clerk" Horse wants four new
shoes, SIR" Principal-Sthat all? Hunt
| Write for tenders to three or four Of the
principal houses-shOes to be delivered
at our works-state utmost credit-and
how much in cash they'll allow for the
old ones!!! "-Punch.
He was 50 drunk he could not walk,
could scarcely move, and only partially
articulate. A friend of his came up and
upbraided him. eff l were in our
place." said the friend, "Fd 20 out in the
woods and hang myself" eff (hic) you
were in my place, how (hic) the deuce
(hic) would you get to (hic) the wOOds"'
was the squelching inquiry.
A BANGOR gentleman contributes to
one of his children, whom they have
sought to teach TO be polite. owe had"
he writes, "pOrk steak for dinner, the
OI0eT Jay, NncH all Olu lIltHu, WHO'LL the
little folks had never seen, dropped in.
OF this our six-year-old is very fond,
and as we helped our friend the little
fellow spoke up, cts very hard to sit
here and see the largest pieces of lean go
into strangers plate" 4Tn
"FACT Is," said the man with the
green necktie and the deep cuffs, who
had Just roared and sworn at the walters
for daring to bring him bit of corn
bread with his mullins. "Fact is, Pm
not used to that sort of thing ut home,
and won't want it poked at me at
hotel, where pay fer what get" This
was at Ashtabula. The previous morn
ing he had breakfasted at nome, and inn
agined that nothing could be nicer than
new liver, and bits fried over from last
nights supper.
SOME anonymous individual an
nounces that the people of the United
States use daily eight tons of paper col
lara Mo In not upjarotopJ tb,.