The Newtown bee., 1878-10-17
s0NBIAMs.
Cool lambs never gaubol.


 rlRht
 \ rural inventor has patented padded gate top to facilitate eourlsLip.
 What sort of dough will make back. cake "A tornadOugh,
 The l1nguag Of the .uspenier Is sup. l'"en'i to lo; "lirace up !"
 How shoulI \ wte speak to grumhling husl"ndl My dear, love yon st,lI,
 William Penn also remarked tlnt 1t wna lrI as easy to loyea riuh girl as apoor ont.
 They must have hnd livery sta'lcs iu ollrn times, for Eli jah went uk in chariot oi ire.
 BraFs is more pri2rd in AfrinI tluu gold. AUhicngo drummer would Gth.s sHj0 by dmd weight.
 Villain Tpllonce asked pretty Swiss nnidrn for kiss. Sue replied, "ioo, kiSs but never Tell"
 The eompositnr who mndc il rend, "In il" midst of fife We nrv in dvbt," wasn't so much out Uf the way.
 Yorng Swell VI should like to have E;ylhuAtnche dy@l.' Pulitr B ,rhor-"C r. tninly; lid you bringit with you?"
 After passing n somewhat Rgitntad ridt the barometer rose this morniI" etc HWIs Fapsr.
 m" young man who las any prudence nnOul hiu will write his love letters iu crpher and forget the key. .-DctroH frtc Fr-S
 A grocer ndv"rtises in the following tcrSr lmi"uer: "lInmS and cigars smoked m unnmoked, "- Chicago C0mmaeiat .ld- roH'er. , "
 We never knew but one man who had absolute faith in han unity. and he udvcr- tiHcd for | lost umbrella iu this paper lust Vi elk Gnmdcn IuS.
 Adam and Eve only began to live applry when they got into roublr.-Hwk,yc. Tnry lived cherryly nsn pair long before the apple WAS mentioned.
 My son." said HI oId lady. "how must J'nnn have felt when the whale swallowed Lim? ?' "Down ill the mouth" was young lopttnPs reply.
 What straits are the most perilous 2" asked the Sunday Scr ool superiutend' "ni little boy spoke up promptly, Whisky slraiS Shs. !" and tlle little boy right.
 school master thus describes money lender: "lIe serves you ill the present tense; he l,nds in the conditional mood, keeps you in the subjective, and ruins you Ill lhe future"
 An exchange, in moment of rapture, wants to know the difference between Il cnret punch and pretty girls lips" The difference is that the latter don't go through it slrilm.
 The gang of burglars who worked for seven strai iSht hours 10 hammer Il sufe to pieces to cure fOurtten cents, know something how Il country minister feels Nvxt day ufttra donation.
 4 young mnn in Orange county, Va, is said to have visited his sweetheart forty times is five weeks, and the uld man begins to wonder where the fellow got his hyiny lcfOre he met his daughter.
 Guests at hotels in New Jersey are not permitted to mash mosquitoes ou the walls. hut must get 'em down on the floor and choke 'em to death aLd ring for the porter to draw oil thu corpse.
 When a rosy looking girl, says the De trot Free I',tsS backs np to. Il stranger at Il country dance and asks him to whack that mosquito that is gnnwing her between the shoulders, 1t is no time to read up on Cues,.Ineid.
 An exchange publishes the startling in- formation that there are no resery ed seals ill Heaven. Most people woulI imnish all uneasiuess OH that account if they coulI ouly make sure of obtaim- ing standing om.-CiActnnuti Breukus TaJlc.
 Don't you sing, Mr. Stubbs ?" "WeI --hh, mol dolft." But all your people do." "Wcll, yon see, I've got not voice like the Fest of them. It isn't my fault. l wasn't couhultrd If Id had voice iu the natter-eL-" (geltinS miAed)-"Id have had one. Judy. s.
 In California you can't even get horse to go anywhere without giving him two bits Bo<ton Posi- But with two bits thy doubtless go "real' we'll Hey r. Gruphic. Yes, for the first quarter Isoston Post. You don't get half" the speed out of him you might.
 The Yonkers Gdzette has the following: Tn the second lOoK of the Bible We read that ShimrTtch Tall violently forward, fell upon his face and threw dust upon his head" Just here the report breaks oil short, and We are lett i'll painful doubt as to whether tlIs ancent Shniruch reached second base or not,
 A clergyman who had just performed wedding ceremony and was filling out blank descriptive of the parties, asked the husband what his business was. 'I am Il wine merchant and Il shoemak er," was the reply. "Ies.' cllimed in the bride, ''so you can just set him down aS d sherry cob bler.-Et.
 A little tive-year-old was sitting with his mother few days ago, playing at her fert when suddenly he looked up into her face and said: t'lluther, uo yon know what l want to be when grow up :" She shook her hel,i. ''WrIl, when grow up want to be one of those men who cure corns aud have their pictures ill the paper. ''Ophelin" writes to ask if sacred history mentions card piaying. Certainly, my d,ar, girl. Moses ''led' for the children of Israel; and, when the latter got to Jor dan. they "passed.' Solomon ''ordered up" the Temple, Balaam held Il jack. and tine seven priests before Jerico took the city by playing their seven truni,s." They were talking about the weight of different individuals In Il certain family, and the daughters young man, who was present. spoke up before he thought and said T tell you that Jenny isn't 50 very light either, although she looks soP And tLen he looked suddenly ccuscious aud blushed, and Jenny bcealnr absorbed iu studying . chromo on the wall A little boy was one day asked by clergyman it lie knew what au implicit. 1 chilalike faith wBs. lie thought he did. 1 Being asked to describ, il, after thinking u l moment, h.. said When my mother says 1