The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-04-20
THE PACIFIC
SATURDAY. APRIL 20.
Cured by Cremation.

Mrs. Boggs had been under the weather for
two or three days. At least she said she was,
but these attacks came rather frequently, BOggs
thought, for when his wife was having one oil
her off spells he had to cook the meals and do
all the housework. We don't remember what
particular state the weather was in this last
time, but Mrs. Boggs was under it very bad,
She even told Boggs that she didn't believe she
was ever going to get out of it, and she made a
hysterical request that be bury her in some
sunny spot where the birds might come and sing
to her, and she made him promise that he would
bring flowers once a week and scatter them over
her grave. A dozen times that day was Boggs
called from his work in the kitchen to bid a last
farewell to his dying wife, but still she fingered.
many times before, so be wasn't SO much alarmed
as he might otherwise have been.
That night as he sat watching, like the atfec-
tionate husband be was, at her bedside, she saw
that he was deeply engrossed in a book.
What book are you reading dear? ?" she
family asked.
ga railroad guide, my love- was the reply.
What do you want with a railroad guide? %
she inquired.
81 want to see how far it is to Washington,
Pa, and how the trains run" said Mr.. Boggs.
She would have asked him what he had to dc
with Washington, Pa, but he got up and went
out and she fell into a d0ze, the inclination to
hulCu IL NI4h y SolO " 1CDANCC- ONCh thOuSH 4
delayed the final departure that she had so often
prated about. When she awoke she saw BOggs
bending over her with a candle. He evidently
hadn't observed that she was awake, so closing
her eyes she feigned sleep and overheard the
following soliloquy, which sufficiently explained
to her now thoroughly awakened senses his in
quiry of the railroad guide about the route to
Washington, Pa: "SpIendid subject for Gre
mation-a little scraggy (Mrs. Bogg's fingers
worked nervously under the bed clothes and she
had hard work to keep from flying at him), but
the scraggy ones incinerate quicker than the fat
ones the doctor says. She could be creased if 1t
is necessary to make her 60 quicker. Think I'll
send her up by express, as I'm too busy In the
store to get away. Her ashes can be forwarded
to me in an envelope through the mail. II
know them audible chuckle.) They'll be under
the weather every few weeks and want to die.
And they'll ask me to bury them in some sunny
spot where the birds can come and sing to 'em,
I'll send word to DIR. LIE Moyne to make it hot
for her-she has kept things hot enough for me,
And I'll tell him to let all the reporters in, so as
to give her a good send-off through the paper:
and whoop 'er up Liza Jane. Sorry l can't be
there to stir her up myself, and"
A thrilling, ear-plercing scream came from the
woman under the weather, and with a bound
sufficient to land her on the top of any weather
that ever lived, she sprang out of bed and had
Boggs by the ear in a fash, while she fairly
I'LL
you'll cremate me. will you, you bald
headed old reprobate? You'll send my scraggy
body up to Washington by express (giving his
ear a wiring between the sentences); and tell that
wicked old wretch LIE Moyne, to make it hot fol
me and you'll have my ashes sent to you in a
letter Growing more and more wrathy, and
humping him over the head with the candle,
stick she had snatched away from his hand); I'D
bury me in some sweet, sunny spot (whack }
where the birds may come and sing Ching .! } and
you want the reporters there (bangD to
whoop'er UP Liza Jane, (boom y Oh, mean,
wretched, wicked old man, you I'll live a hun
dred years TO spite you, see if 1 DON'T"
Then she pushed Boggs out of the door and
bolted it, and he had to make up a bunk on the
kitchen floor that night, next to the stove. But
a peculiar smile played about Boggs' face, even
when he was rubbing the sore spots on his bald
head, and he urmured softly to himself, ' guess
I've cured her of them spells for one while"
Mrs. Boggs hasn't been under the weather
since, but mention of the word cremation drives
her wild Cincinnati Saturday Night.