The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-12-19
STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.


STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.
Many people in the world try to wind mar
up by running him down.
Hon. John o'Connor has reached the goa
toward which all Democratic teaching points
The Southern Democratic dog has begun te
wag his Northern extremity in Congress.
Now ifit had only been Government mule
that kicked Wade Hampton, he might secure
pension.
"What shall we do with our eirls?" asks
female lecturer. That's an easy one. Treat
'em to wax, treat 'em to wax.
Thomas Hellhouse has been appointed AS
sistant Treasurer at New York. There's name
for you, Mr.. Ingerson
Blaine furnished some music in the Senate,
last week, and Thurman and Lamar danced.
1t was sickly dance.
The last Fenian prisoner is to be liberated
before Christmas. The war for the lndepen-
dence of Ireland is over.
"Oh, wurra, wurra 7" walled Francis McCar-
thy, when his wife was buried, 81 always
prayed that moight see mesilf buried furst ~
we infer that Mr.. Conkling is not a "sorehead,
although one may be pardoned for calling him
"stalwart."
Wade Hampton had his leg amputated and
was elected (O to the United States Senate on
the same day. 1t is difficult to determine
which is to be most pitied-Wade or the Senate
A man was sentenced to be hung, in Canada,
the other day, His friends applied to the new
Governors General for pardon. 1t was for
Lorne hope. He had to swing.
Lamar warned Blaine against arousing the
demon in the South. Has Mr.. Lamar forgotten
that he was whipped? Or does he think that
men like Grant and Sheridan are no more?
Thomas Mast is usually very truthful in his
caricatures. But when he pictures Senator
Lamar as man who wears No. 19 collar, and
has his hats moulded on tea-cup, there may
be some doubts as to his accuracy.
1t used to be told, subject for wonder,
that Crockett, the great marksman, shot his
way into public position. 1t is now quite COM
mon to see Senators and Members of Congress,
who marched into their positions to the music
of the shotgun.
Gen. Ewing has bought canal, and will lay
a railway track along the old bed. 1t will be
success. The man who could change an old
boot-strap into dollar note by simply stamp |
ing it, could surely change canal into rail-
road.
Speaking OF Congressman Glover, the Demo- |
cratic Investigator, old man Tilden says 'put |
him down, put him down, or the country III |
know more about than ever. He's worse |
than Pelton!' |
Francis Murphy claims to have secured ten |
thousand signatures to his pledge in New York |
City, and Fernando Wood says there were ten |
thousand Democrats in the City who didn't |
vote the ticket.
He has been found at last We mean the
man who believed something he saw in the
Cincinnati Enquirer. He lived, and died, in
Germantown, Ohio. His belief of the Enquirer
caused his death.
The Professors at the Ann Arbor, Mich, Med
tcal College have got to fighting. That's it. Go
for i'm, Doc Shoot i'm, Professor! Stand
back, there, and give em fair show. The man
that kills, furnishes a twenty-five dollar "stif"
for the pickling vat.
"Hallo, Brown" says Jones, 81 heard about
your fight. How's your hand ?"
"Oh, its WE'LL"
"Ah, glad to hear 1t. How's your nose?"
"Oh, its swell too"
We were much pleased to hear that Mr.. Rob-
erts, of Carter county, KY, who is eighty years
old, has named his infant son John Wilkes
Booth. We were really much pleased. We
were afraid he was going to call the boy Hayes
Spriggins, having heard that Mrs. B. T. Bab-
bitt owned nearly three hundred thousand dol
lars worth of diamonds, has forsworn the use
of soap. He don't like to encourage her extrav-
agance by buying her husbands soap.
Attorney General Devens wanted to. leave
the Cabinet, but the President desired him to
remain, and push his cases against the South
ern bull-dozers. The iron hand of Devens, you
know, is all that has kept peace, quiet and
good order in the South.
How peaceful the grave!
Its quiet how deep!
Where the medical student doth softly creep,
And stealthily move, with the midnight spade,
The mound which the sexton has recently
made,
And carry away the ''stif."
We are reluctantly coming to the conclusion
that the colored men are not denied the right
to vote in the South. In fact, we believe they
cordially invited to 'come up am vote"
The mere fact that a double-barreled shotgun
is leveled at them at the same time, oughtn't
to intimidate them.
Even the Rev. Joseph Cook has been talking
about the yillainy exposed through the cipher
kilograms. We would most respectfully in
form Mr.. Cook, however, that Mr.. Tilden could
not, in the nature of things know anything
ABOUT Jne kilograms. IL was all Bill PelLOnS |
doings. He basely deceived the innocent old
man.
Carl 8. Roffensch1 eidter, travelling music |
teacher, was walking innocently along the
streets of Cincinnati the other day, bearing |
huge valise on which were the letters &c. S. r.
The editors of the Gazette and Times met him, |
and were about to attack him, when he ex-
planned the mysterious letters. They thought
he was Trustee of the Cincinnati Southern
Railroad.
There times even in the life of the drum
mer, when he feels that there is void in the
world. When he collars man and discourses
eloquently on full line of choice samples, and |
is handed a card saying that the man was born
deaf, he pauses and meditates upon the fact |
that, while it is a little hard on the drummer,
the deaf man is doubly blest.
Hard hearted is the wretch who can make |
light of death. While the friends of Ken |
lucky man were mourning his untimely de- |
mise, a spruce-looking young man stepped up |
to one of the chief mourners, and, with a SOL |
emn look, said:
"Ah, Mr.. - know there's rejoicing in |
Heaven to-day" |
'Oh," walled the mourner through his tears, |
"why do you think that?" |
"Because," said the young man, "he has at |
last had his feet washed =" |
Congress has been considering the manner |
OF electing President and Vice President, and |
trying to invent some improvement on the old
plan. And the Democratic editor is writing
stunning articles to prove that Tilden was
elected " three hund red nd twantv-fva mill.