The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1878-05-08

III considering INC Now IOfk olaclAi We
began with his eyes and then visited his
nose. We have shown that he cannot see
dirt and cannot smell vile odors. Now,
switchman who cannot distinguish red
light from green would endanger his own
life as we'll as the lives of railroad travel
lers; and q night Waterman to whose nos
trils smoke brought no sensation would
run a good chance of being burned alive if
fire should break out in the building he
was in. It Mortified us to think that our
dear dirt-blind and blunt-nosed officials
should, ignorant OF the danger, expose
mephitic vapors that doom our ordi-
nary citizens to death ut the rate of
seven thousand year. We thought Of
wasting tissues, debilitated frames, sunken
checks lungs given over to tubercles, and
bodies chilled and feyered by malaria We
thought they might have patiently endured
these drawbacks on account Of their high
salaries We went sadly and looked at
them. Imagine our surprise; they were all
fnt--iat as their Offices; fat as the soap and
pork works they delight in giving permits
to. Then we questioned them about their
lungs and bronchial tubes Wonderful arc
the ways of Providence! On entering office
they find their pulmonary organs, they say,
undergoing queer change. The whale, as
we know, is furnished with peculiar
fringe-like strainer for keeping large fishes
that como into its mouth from getting into
its gullet and choking it, and only letting
down the little fishes that do it good
The Boards of Health and Police and
Captain Gunner have found peculiar
air-strainer OF this kind growing inside Of
them. All the noxious exhalations are
caught in this official straincr, and only
comparatively good dir gets into their
lungs. These organs, too, become tough
and leathely to an astonishing degree. A
popularity regarding tho air-strainers is
vouched for by third parties, but the off,
Gals either deny it or are very reticent upon
the point. 1t is this, that after visit to an
insufferably filthy and fctid mandatory
the official on cleaning his air-strainer
finds gold and silver and even greenbacks
sticking in it. These he carefully removes
and'puts by for o rainy day. This is truly
wonderful. The ugly and venomous
toad with precious jewel in its
forehead is nothing to IN offal-ren-
dering establishment with gold dust
floating on the wings Of its noxious gases.
II we cannot abolish the stencil factories
nor have our streets cleaned We would like
to have oil our citizens fitted with these
air-strainers and leather lungs. AT present
they see, they smell and they suffer without
hope. In tho interest of humanity then,
let our present Boards of Health aud Police
be taken to Bellevue Hospital and killed.
A dissection of these WORTHLESS would prob
ably reveal how millions yet unborn could
live amid foul vapors free from disease, and
how thousands now alive could save them
selves from premature graves. Even if it
turned out that this story Of tho official air.
strainer and leather lungs was a mistake
we would still have got rid of tho present
boards, and that would DO something The
plan suggested by Recorder Hackett to tho
Grand Jury on Monday last-namely, of in
dieting the so-callcd Board of Health,
might, however, do some good, for il they
we're sent to the Penitentiary we might OBJ
tain relief while they were away.