Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1878-06-14
ALL SORTS.

"A light employment-The lamp
lighters.
An unpleasant sort of arithmetic
Division among families.
Prof. II. X. Palmer returned to New
York, May %, from his European tour.
If you had all the gold in the world
you could gild over the entire earth.
Perhaps you wouldn't do it, though.
La petite Marie had lie june muttong,
Ze wool was blanchee as re snow;
And, everywhere la belle Marie went,
lie june muttong was zure to go.
Somebody has taken the trouble to
write book about How to Find the
Stars" Don't wait to read it-step on
bit of orange peel.
That is neat little expedient of a
mans mistaking his. wife for a burglar
and shooting her, but it will play out
after a while.-NeU Orleans Democrat.
In the grave there is no poll-tax.-
Danbury Ne'0S. And no carpet tacks.
-GoIOdndd Enterprise. And no chip
stacks, or fever attacks.-Edenburg
Herald.
Telephone socials are the latest
rage of Dowagiac, Mich. Two houses
in different parts of the town are used.
Kissing by wire, ten cents extra; ice
cream gratis.
Miss Kellogg says newspaper men
are Just like lemons-fit only to be
squeezed as much as possible. Jersey
city Journal. Precisely the same opin-
ion that we have always held of Miss
Kellogg.
The decadence and fall of the
Stewart Woman's Hotel is thus told in
immortal verse:
There was once Woman's Hotel,
But 1t was not patronized well:
1t hereafter won't vary
From the kind ordinary,
But Judge Hilton is madder than thunder.
An editor apologized to his readers
after this fashion: "We expected to
have a death and marriage to publish
this week, but violent storm pre-
vented the wedding, and, the doctor
being sick himself, the patient recov-
cred, and we are accordingly cheated
out of BOTH
In speaking of summer fruits and
the evils resulting from their use when
unripe or over-ripe, DIR. Foote in his
Health Monthly says: "The true rule
is to use them when they are the most
pulpy and when their cells are the
most easily broken up by mastication
and made soluble by digestion"
"A newly-imported Hungarian, en-
ployed on farm few miles north of
the city, tilted up beehive the other
day to see what the bees were doing
under there. He knows now. He says
they were making chain lightning, and
had 1000 tons on hand, which exploded
before he had time to let the box down.
-HaWk-Eye.
The Christian Standard very i'm
pressively asks: "Where is your boy
at nightP' Oh, that's easy enough;
he's in bed, sleeping so sound that
you'll have to begin calling him at five
o'clock, in order to get him awake by
seven. He's all right at night, but
what the fathers of America really
want to know is: "Where was he yes
terday afternoon, when he should have
been at school?" There's a poser for
you.
The Elmira Cemetery Company has
paid dividend-EI. We would rather
call it bone-us.-N. Y. NeUs. The
profits were divi-dead probably. Torch.
We rather think they were soul-ed
from the body. - -GOUdndG Enterprise.
Now, who would have thought that En-
terpriSe would Go-wander-ing off in this
fashionP-N. Y. NelUS. The company
probably had re-hearse-als quite often.
-DdHielSORUille Sentinel. This ceme-
terry money is a matter of grave con-
sideration and should be carefully
handled. Camden Post.
"A woman who had spent the great
er part of the day in going to auction
sales concluded she would attend serv-
ice at fashionable church in New
York on her way home. Wearied and
worn out, she soon became oblivious to
her surroundings and was only awak-
ened by the rustling of the congrega-
ton as they arose to receive the bene-
dictiOn. Seeing the minister's hand
raised in the air, she waved her hand
kerchief at him and said, in a firm
clear voice: "rll take the green wash
stand if you'll throw in the bowl and
pitcher. "-AndreDS' Bazar.
"A marriage ceremony was per-
formed in Portsmouth, N. H., the other
day, and after the knot had been Sc
curely tied, as was thought, and the
minister had received his fee and was
about to depart, it was ascertained that
the necessary license had been entirely
forgotten. A relative of the bride hur-
ried out to the City Clerks Office, the
minister tarried, and after while the
messenger returned with the required
document. Then everything was done
over again-eXcept paying the clergy
man his fee-and it was decided that
this time the knot was tied as securely
as it could be in such days as these.