Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1878-10-14
Woman's writes-postscripts.

For twenty-five cents zoe aOiH send the
MONITOR on trial from noa0 till the be-
ginning Of 1879.
DR.. Holmes says that crying widows
marry first. There is nothing like wet
weather for transplanting.
Many women who insist that they have
seen but eighteen summers. 'soK as
though they had passed -s"e pretty nara
falls.
az don't believe in horse-racing, but
then l do SO hate to have anyone pass
me on the road"
The man who has his woodpile handy
for winter and his cellar well filled takes
supreme delight in predicting an early
winter and hard one.
Early to bed, early to rise, makes
man healthy wealthy and wise; but
early ryes and tardy to bed, makes
mans nose turn cardinal red.
Although 1t has been four hundred and
thirty-four years since printing was dis
covered, no printer has yet discovered
how to run a newspaper to suit everybody.
Nothing can exceed the intense affec-
tion which girl deals out to her father
for day or two before the time when
she is going to ask for new dress.
Love may be blind, as they say, but we
notice that in all the records of the ages,
it has never kissed the girls mother by
mistake when it reached after the girl.
An old negro fiddler of Cuthbert, Ga.,
"got religion" a few days ago, whereupon
he shiyered his fiddle on the doorstep,
saying; "No man kin hab religion an
be fiddler"
In country church-yard we find the
following epitaph "Here lies the body
of James Robinson, and Ruth, his wife, -
and underneath the text: Their warfare
is accomplished" '
The Yosemite falls inspired a doctor
of Divinity with the following joke
"Fighting their way down against the
adverse current of wind, the foaming
waters form scatter-act of 2600 feet.
On being asked why he went int
bankruptcy, he replied "Well, my liza
bilities were large, my liabilities numer
Gus, and my probabilities unpromislng
and so 1 just thought I'd do as m,
neighbors do, you know"
3 Two Irishmen were travelling, whel
they stopped to examine guide post
Twelve miles to Portsmouth" said one
"Just six miles apiece said the other
And they trudged on apparently satis6e
at the distance.
An old topper, CHANGING to drink
glass of water for the want of somethin
stronger, smacked his lips, and turnin
to one of his companions, said: "Why
it don't taste badly. have no dout
it's wholesome for the females an
: children"
An Albany urchin who has NO hea
for figures, offered one of his school fe
lows big apple and a jam turnover
he would do his examples for him tn;
term. The offer was declined, the lit
man to whom it was offered remarkir
that he had not yet reached the hi
mathematics.
re you're drunk. sir ! said the capita
to an intoxicated blue-jacket fresh fro
unlimited absence without leave.
know I'm drunk, returned the tar; "b
SIS 1 shall get over that. AS for you"
went on, looking at his coDmandil
a officer pityingly you're id foo
" and you'll never get over thatr'
~. A recent advertisement contained t
IRE following '.If the gentleman who kee
we the shoe store with red head will retu
the umbrella of young lady with wha
's he bone RIBS and an iron handle to the sls
Ita- rooted grocer's shop. he will hear
something to his advantage, as the sal
is the gift of deceased mother now
O4l more with the name engraved upon it.