Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-03-21
W.T. AND HUMOR.


TIE LESSON OF LIFE.
Wives of great men all remind us
We can make our wives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us
Widows worthy of our time
Therefore give your wife a send-ofT
l BY the hfe-insurance plan;
FIX her so that when you end of
She can scoop another man.
t- Graphic.
To sleep in your clothes spoils tn,
nap.
What interjection is OF the feminine
gender? Alias!
Men are like words; when not prop
erly placed, they lose their value.
Nature is like baby. There is al
ways a squall when its face is washed
Keep on gooi telms with your wife,
your stomach and your conscience.
If the man who writes anonymous
letters has never stolen sheep, it is the
fault OF the sheep.
"To what length may a widow go
when she desires new parent for her
children" She may go one step
father.
In breach of promise case at Mil
waukee, lover was convicted of writ
ing: "My hart beats oanly for the,
my darling huney."
A Miss Tanner, who recently marri-
ed d widower named Hyde, with
eleven children, says she has given up
tanning and is now dressing Hydes.
A hair from the mad dog is said to
cure the bite, and en- exchange SAYS
that a solitary tr'-o5 irum the hash will
cure passion iUr waiter girl.
"Why, Sammy" said his father to
his little son, II didn't know your
whipped you" 81 guess if you'd been
in my trowsers you'd know'd it." re-
piled Sammy.
The Supreme Court of Georgia has
decided that "for man, without some
innocent reason or excuse, to put his
arm around the neck of another mans
Wlie, is an assault and battery"
"My dear, "said husband, in startI.
ing tones, afer awakening his wife at
night, 81 have swallowed a dose of
"WelI, then, do for
goodness sake lie still, or it may come
up"
- The following is true copy of sign
upon an academy for teaching in one
OF the Western states; Freeman &
Huggs, school teachers. Freeman
teacher the boys and Hugs the girls"
When woman makes I'D her mind
that hen makes up her mind that she
will, the irresistible meets the immoy-
able and every law of nature is broken
or prevented.
A candid journalist states that where
as in Greece you can tell the way
woman wears her hair whether she is |
married or not, in America you may
know that man is married if he does
not Wear his hair at all.
Mamma, where do people go when
they die?" my dear, L can't tell Won
Iust where" but don't you know"
How can L know, Nellie? Mamma
has never died." "Of course not: but
haven't you studied geography?"
Probably there are not half a dozen
ilreu girls IN the United States who |
1on't know which are their "nights
but; but the man isn't born yet who can
point to one who can explain how the
nose OF the water pitcher got cracked.
"You must cultivate decision of
;haracter aud learn to say NO." said
father to his son. "Soon afterward.
when the father said to his son, "Chop
wood" the boy said "No," with an
that showed his remem brance
If the lesson.
(which is the most valuabIe-expe-
fence of INSTINCT" was the subject up
or discussion at county debating So
lety recently. One member said ex-
teaches US to back up to hot
tove when we are cold, but when our
catch fire instinct is boss.
A pious man was going through the
ommon one Sunday, and came upon
ome youngsters playing marbles.
Boys" he esaid, "boys, do you know
What day it is?" One of the imps
urned to bystander with. "Here,
an you tell this man what day il H.
% don't know?"