The morning star and Catholic messenger., 1878-02-10
HUMAN VINEGAR.

!
bodies were healthy and all spirits content,
there might be such good hnmor, such
pleasantness, as to make an Eden Of an
earth which is swinging around the sun a
mural, globular, unresting giant, now at
] tracted and now repulsed. A thought Just
occurs to us. All things which are hereto
fore mentioned to make people felicitous
would be of no avail if there still remained
the icy winds of Nova Zembla and the
malodorous breath of the equator, with an
intervening climate of uncertain and vexa-
tious moods and lenses, called by mocking
courtesy-the temperate. While much is
to be said against, much is to be said in
extenuation of
IRASCIBLE FOLKS.
The human species, according to the
theory of Charles Lamb, is composed of
two distinct races, the men who borrow
and the men who lend. The undersigned
has a conviction that mankind could be as
conveniently divided into irrascible peo-
pie and tho.e that provoke them. To q
choloric mortal there is no trial in life 30
perilous and overwhelming as a word
encounter with q meek, cool, patient, un-
answering adversary. To be in the full
swing Of your violent rage, and meet some
personifcation of inditference-soEe i'm
movable compound of sadness and tran
quility-who, with dropping eyelids, and a
soft smile not entirely free from pity, is
clearly and most imperturbably- making
allowance for "one's infirmity of temper"
as be calls it's kind of evaporation
which language cannot adequately charac
terize. All the jncalculable mischiefs that
arise from ungovernable rage must be
credited to that ostentatious calmness-
that unrufied submission which irritates
the fiery beholder past endurance. Just
try it on with the first splenetic cuss you
meet. just say to him IS his dander rises:
"Now don't lose your temper" or "Don't
bite q PERSONS head off J" "Dont swallow
one" "DO try to control yonrselfw ETC.,
ETC., and straightway he is ready to leap
from Niagara if his insanity takes a subjec
tive form, or carve you as "a dish fit for
the gods" should it take an objective
course. Shakespeare's hackneyed figure
of Patience on monument smiling at
Grief is not in accord with the unites-is
spicuously wrongf Would Grief have
calmly endured the .tsmiling" of Patience?
l trow not Grief would forthwith have
been transformed" translated Bottom |
would have called it-into Rage, and Pa
tience would have been hurled headlong
from off her monument.
The real relish of irascible people seems
to he in flying into passion about tribes, |
or nothing at all. Then there is another |
sore in lashing ones self into |
madness over some grievance borne by a |
person who seems parfectly Indifferent to
it, if not absolutely unconscious of it. This |
is passion by proxy. You have received |
a cold, sighting letter, which in a quiet |
way rather amuses you. Your susceptible |
friend reads it, and stamps and objurgates |
over every paragraph. "Of course, It's no |
business of mine," he says, with savage |
glare as he hands it back, "but if any man |
had the temerity to write me such letter,
I'd, I'd" and he rushes off incontinently, |
leaving you to your own meditstions,
which are cot of the most pleasant descrip- |
tion. Very reasonable grounds for anger |
are continually presenting themselves to |
choloric people. When a fellow boarder |
refuses mustard with his corued beef when |
another, in spits of every oficions hint, |
persists in breaking his eggs at the small |
end, or in feeding himself with his knife /;
or when cOnsQmptive looking individual |
without over shoes, walks down town !
before you in the rain and don't put up his |
umbrella, although lady has nudged him |
on the elbow and reminded him that ait il
coming down dTeadfully." If individual |
grievances fail, national will do as we'll.
The Presidential election, the Custer mas
sacre, Cato's conspiracy, the decree that
"went out" from Cesar Augustus that all
the world should be taxed, and half a hun
dred other near or remote events are sufi-
cient, if dwelt upon, to induce the passion
paroxysm. Then there is the theatre and |
the church-both prolific in food for choler.
The sermon Miss Araminta Jones's alb |
surd hat or somebody's fzzle in Macbeth,
renders the irascible man, like bottle of |
lively soda water, ready to |
explode, but provokingly wired down and |
cOrked by circumstances. An ancient |
friend of mine received fine meerschaum |
as New Years gift. He was almost be- |
side himself with delight. Three days
after, he accidentally dropped it, fracturing |
the fragile stem. The blood rushed to my |
poor friends head. He jumped frantically y |
upon the insensible pipe. He tore up the |
window sash, breaking two panes and cut
ting both hands with the glass. Then he
madly threw the fragments of the pipe
against the opposite wall, and finally siezed
the bell handle and rung till every body in
the house was alarmed. When half dozen
startled people burst into the room, my
poor friend had subsided and was heartily
ashamed of himself. "For Gods sake, old
fellow" said he afterwards to me, ''don't
mention that pipe"
Go show your slaves how choorio you are
And make your bondsmen tremble"
says Brutus to Cassus, implying that it is
an aggravation of vulgarity to air your