Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1878-01-23
"The Ignorantest Cuss.v
as YOU the editor 2"

The writer looked up from tn,
desk on two small gamins will
dirty faces, who had entered til,
sanctum and stood nervousl,
twitching their ragged caps befor,
him.
"Yes, sir. What 10 20 want"
"Well, you see, the Irish Boy'
and the Silver Stars had game o
ball to-day, and we thought as wee
like to have it published"
as that really so! | knew those
two clubs were going to play, but
thought it was next week. TC
which club do you belong!"
I'VE belong to the Silver Stars
Pm catcher and he's short stop.
And we waxed them other fellers,
didn't we, BillT
"You bet" responded Bill,
"Why didn't you say so before !
The Irish Boys are a good enough
club, but by Jove, give NE the
Silver Stars. Why, I'm delighted
to meet both of you," and the
editor" rose up, shook both OF
them warmly 10y the hands and
yelled for the "printer's devil" to
bring the gentlemen chairs. The
Silver Stars looked at
each other very much perplexed,
and seemed at loss whether to sit
down or rush out of the office.
Finally they adopted the former
plan, aud pulling their chairs over
near the door, so as to be ready to
start out at the first sign of
hostiities, sat suspiciously eying
the editor, who intrenched himself
behind Il mass of paper, pencil in
hand. Nov tell Inc all about the
game, ami III write it down"
"WelI, the Iish Boys they wus II
they could beat us, and
We said we had % cents which
said they couldn't. We played 'em
and give 'em six goose eggs
"Oh ! now boys" said the editor,
don't tell any lies. 1t is wrong to
lie Where could you get goose
eggs this time OF the yearp
The catcher and the short stop
# the Silver Stars looked at "the
,ditor" in amaZement, and seemed
o he mentally deciding that he was
IN internal idiot.
1--WE mean to say" continued the
,atcher of the Silver Stars, who
vas the first to recover from the
hook to which he had been sub
rcted, "that we wbitewashed 'em
oh. see," said the editor, with a
udGen burst of intelligence, "you
mt whitewash over them until
hey looked ike goose eyes. BY |
love, that was gooh idea" Mo"
aid the catcher of the Silver Stars,
With rising ire, "we skunked 'eln,
GU hnow-skunked EN-" Skunk
a 'em-what do YOU mean 10y
hat|
"Why, we Chicogoed 'em-gin
EN- no runs"
"Oh, now see," said the editor.
almost bursting into roar Of
aughter at the expression of
intense relief which came over the
ace of the two Silver Stars, "Go |
light on"
1--WE go right on ter the balls Of
he pitcher of the Irish Boys in the
asst innins, and we pounded the
life out of him."
"Hold on" said the editor, rapid
Y writing: 1.-THE Silver Stars
TODD Oh the ball in the first innin
md almost killed the pitcher of
he Irish Boys when he tried to
ret it,"
For two whole minutes the Sill
Ter Stars regarded each other in
,peechless establishment. Then
he short stop pityingly asked:
"Mister, did you ever play base
pail"
"Very little," said the editor,
hercnlean efforts to
,traighten his face, "but I'll scratch
his out if it isn't all right"
"Course it isn't right. We mean
10 say we hit his halls easy; we
struck 'em hard. l hit him for
three bags, and made home run"
"You did," said "the editor"
1ashing off at tremendous rate
m the paper. 1.-THE catcher of the
Silver Stars hit three bags with
the ball, and then run home with
them"
This was too much. The two
Silver Stars got up and unanimous
ly concluded that they must go.
"What is your hurry Z" asked
"the editor" again shaking their
hands warmly; "stay little while
longer. If you cant, come up this
and bring oil your friends
with you-glad to see you any
time"
The catcher of the Silver Stars
blew his nose, wiped it OH the cuff
Of his coat, aud lei the way down
stairs in deep thought.
At the hOttom of the first fight
his feelings could no longer con-
troll themselves.
"Bill," muttered he, "if that
amt the ignoraDtest cuss l ever
saw, why yer can just shoot me-"
"Yes,' replied Bill; "but he's
awful friendly, amt lie I"
A Sensible Girl.
They were seated together, side