Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-10-11
Wit and Humor.

A man at church fair the other night
cried out, Eve got the oyster. Gimme
the prize"
"Enny man who kan swap horses, or
ketch fish, and not lie about it, IL Just
about as Plus az men ever git to be in
this world.
The English language is inadequate to
express the forlorn feelings of the boy
who thinks he has stolen dime novel
and finds it to be a cookbook.
Jennie, what makes you such bad
grip "Well, mamma, God sent you
just the best children He could find,
andif they don't suit you can't helpit."
A new style of boys trousers has
been invented in Boston, with copper
seat, sheet-iron knees, riveted down in
the seams, and waterproof pockets to
hold broken eggs.
An exchange says: "a beautiful ex-
ample of force of habit is to see dis
ciple of Murphy fill his glass with water.
and dreamilv blow froth off the inno-
cent water before drinking"
The following IS the Chinese version
Of Mary and her lamb:
Was gal name Mol had lamb
Flea all samee white snow
1fvIy place Mol gal walkee,
Ba ba hoppee long too.
A good little boy who was kicked by q
/ mule, didn't say any naughty words or
20 home crying to his mother. He Just
tied that mule within five feet of the
beehive, backed him into it, and let
him kick.
a saloonkeeper, having started busi-
ness in a place where trunks had been
made, asked friend what he had better
do with the old sign, "Trunk Factory"
! "Oh," said the friend, 'just change the
I to a D, and it will suit you exactly"
A little girl who was somewhat out of
sorts, but whose exact ailment no one
had been able to discover, amended her
evening prayer of "God bless papa and
mamma, "by adding "and cure me if
there's anything the matter with me-"
Lady Jones-"And so you went to
Venice? Saw all the sights-St. Marks
and the ionsP" Mrs. Crammer-"Oh.
yes, the dear old lionsP We were moS
fortunate the day we were there. Ar
rived just in time to see the noble crea-
lures fedP
Snipkins refused to get his wife a new
hat; soon after his little girl came IN and
said: Mamma, won't you buy me a
monkey to play with when you go down
town. "No darling-wait till you are
older, and then marry one, as did" re-
piled the grlef-stricken wife, her tears
bursting forth afresh.
From the son of prominent states
man in Washington to pretty girl:
Our HOUSE, April 81, 1873. = DEAR
MIss-I want you to come around to our
house if you can't get anybody to come
around to your house and fetch you
around to our house will come around
to your house and fetch you around to
our house. Respectfully, etc.
There was a little fellow who. knew
Mother Goose better than he knew his
bible. One Sunday he was asked in his
class, "Who were thrown into the fiery
furnacer That was too much for him.
The question was passed; the answer
came promptly, "Shadraeh, Meshaeh,
and Abednego." This was a paortifca-
ton to the little fellow; and when the
nextquestion came, "Who put them inP'
he answered with a jump, Little Johnny
Greenp
Miss Bella, do you sing that exquisite
little ballad entitled, Darling, Kiss nv
Eyelids DOWN." Bella gave kick like
a mule, whirled around upon the piano
stool, and replied: "No, Gawge, but you
just bet your shirt I can get away with
Sweetness, Wipe your Little Snout.'
"Its rattler :" and while Bella "got
away" with the song he "got away"
from the house. He goes to see another
girl that amt so full of liEc and didn't
graduate at the female high school. |
Bella sits in the parlor now and paws
ivory all alone.
A C-EER LITTLE BEAsT.-The Nor
wegian lemming is an animal about the
size Of mouse. 1t lives under stones
in the summer, under snow in the win |
ter. It misses and bites. About once in |
ten years they immigrate in large armies. |
They march in a straight line. They
cross lakes and rivers. They go through |
haystacks rather than 60 around. Moth
ing stops them, not FIRE, cascades, nor
swamps. If a man stands in the way |
they will jump at him as high as his
knee. If struck they will turn around |
ana i.ld bark and bite like dog. Foxes,
iyin1xes, owls, hawks, and weasels will |
I0liow them and destroy large numbers
OF them, but It does not check them.
Ihey continue their course until they
reach the sea, into which they plunge. as
persistent and progressive as ever, until
the waves drown andIexterminate them. !