The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-07-18
Wit and HumOr.

pounds of silver per year.
If mankind couldn't sneeze what
would happen to them when they want
too
A CLASSICAL man in Venice, ILL.,, has
christeucd his cat Othello, or the Newer
of Venice.
AN Irishman being asked why he wore
his stockings the wrong side outwards,
replied, it was because there was hole
on the other side.
REGULAR IRREGULARITY.-Passe
Gin hurry) as this train punctual"
Porter: ayes, sir, generally a quarter
of au hour late to minute !"-PuncA.
A LAWYER is to be hanged in Texas.
The only objection we have to this is that
when the people commence hanging
lawyers once they will never know when
to stop.-Dncenport Democrat.
To HAVE AND TO KEEP.-Landlady
"1'm sure | hope you're comfortable, sir !!
do so dislike changing my dodgers;
when l get nice single gentleman |
could keep him ver!'-Fun.
LAST words of the defunct Worcester
Press: eve hope the fellow that sent
US a postal card with stop my paper
written upon it will be satisfied this
morning. We study 70 please"
A NYACK man was discovered in the
cellar Of Il grocery store looking into a
barrel of beef When asked what he
was doing there he gently and timidIy
replied, II wish | could get corned like
that"
"WHAT is the meaning of back biter9'
asked gentleman at a Sunday-school
examination. This was puzzler. 1t
went down the class until it came to Il
simple urchin, who said, perhaps it is
flea"
CLEAN GRIT.-Traveler (to attendant
Hebe): 81 can't eat this bread, it's filthy {;
it's full of blacks and grit" Hebe
"Can't be in The bread, sir, it's 'ome made !;
and | know it's clean, because | made it
myself."-Fun.
WILSON, the celebrated vocalist, was
upset one day in his carriage, near Edin-
burgh. A Scotch paper, after recording
the accident, said: I'VE are happy to
state he was able to appear the following
evening in three pieces
LITTLE five-year-old is having her first
experience of spring in the country.
Looking at pear-tree in full bloom, the
other day, she exclaimed, "Why, NAM
ma! Just look at that tree. 1t is all COW
cred with popped corn!"
"TuE Life Guards are the talest SOL
diers in the world" boosted an English
man. "Whewl" retorted a Paddy; "you
never saw a South Tipperary Artillery
Militia; they're so high that when they
look to the ground it makes them dizzy
THE END Crowns THE WoRK.-Laura
with novel; "Oh, if this tale were
only true, and we're the heroine " Kate
"What with her prosecutions, her mis-
ery2'-Laura: "Ah! but then, dear, re-
member she does get husband after
all."-Fanny Folks.
LORD BEAcoNsFTELD, in the course of
an impassoned speech, denounced the
occupants of the Treasury Bench as sex
cited volcanoes" "What does he mean
by thati" AN Irish member was asked.
"Sure, he means that they're used-up era
ters," was the answer.
Two little boys were seen few days
since on Washington street, the one with
an ACCORDION in hand, the other with a
large placard in front, upon which was
printed in large letters: ladies and
gentlemen, am the mother of five chill
dren. Please hel p me. "-Bostoa Journal.
MISTRESS to young servant girl: "No-
mad, told you to come at o'clock.
Nomad: "Yes'm, asked 'em t home,
and they said it was eight. '-Mistress;
"Yes, but you knew that it was later
Nomad: "Yes'm, know'd t was not
so, but | thought I'd take their word for
it,"
RALEIGH, S. c., Ners: A couple OF
lawyers overtaking teamster, thinking
they would quiz him for their amuse-
ment, asked him why his forward horses
were so much fatter than the rear ones,
and were answered: 1.-THE forward ones
are LAWYERS and the back ones their eli
ents." Lawyers may take back seat
AT happy spot where number OF
negroes reside, an old negro was heard
calling out to his wife: AMANDA! Is
you got dem chickens shut up in dc
smoke house, like told yeri" mo; an
| like ter know what's de matter wild
you, that you's so mighty ticker bout
dem chickens all at once3" she replied.
"Neber you mind. l know what's de
matter, aud OATS huff till dem chickens
is housed When | hears dat dem mig
gers over dar in de next yard gwine to
hah party tomorrow night, wants to
be shore dat my chickens doesn't tend 1t
Il. LII. nj