Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1878-01-16
SMALL EXPECTATIONS.

1t is generally supposed by our
family, anu those who knew us
well, that my Uncle Buncle would
"leave me something" at his demise.
In fact, l thought so myself. Our
reasons for this belief being these /:
First. When | was a little girl,
though he took no notice whatever
of other little girls, he always pat
ted me on the head when we met,
and said: Ha, ha here you are,
Hetty."
Secondly. Whom / was a big
girl, and went TO school, he always
chucked me under the chin on
holiday occasions, and inquired:
"Well, what are they teaching you,
Hettv r.
Thirdly. When ! had grown to
be a oman, he established the fol-
lowing form of greeting as a per-
manent thing: Hin! how do you
do 2"
Forthly. He never took notice
of any one else in so many words,
but merely nodded to all other
mortals.
Filthy. When I married, he
presented me with an antedlluvian
tortoise shell comb, once the
property of the late Mrs. Buncle,
and of preposterous fashion, said
to have been in vogue at a remote
date, the back half foot high, and
deliberately carved. AS he disap-
proved Of weddings generally, and
had never before been known to give
the bride anything but scolding,
this was really something to build
upon-though, Ivy the way, offend
ed him sorely by refusing to wear
the horrible thing to the alter upon
my wedding day.
Now of course / did not wish
Uncle Buncle to die, nor could |
have done so had | been certain
that, on his decease l should have
become millionaire still we know
that all flesh is mortal, and Uncle
Buncle was like the rest of the
world in this respect; and when
he did deprat, it would be q com
fort to he the means Of presenting
Charlie with six thousand pounds.
When we moved TO our charm.
ing little cottage at Barley Hill,
decided that when Uucle Bunclt
visited us, would make him so com
Portable that the matter would b,
quite settled. And, in fact, the spar,
room was furnished with an eye t
his peculiar tastes, and a larg,
amount Of pepper was laid in will
which 10 season his favolite dishes
However, Uncle Buncle declined
our invitations persistently; and
having kept our spare room empty
for him a long while, we at last IN
formed the rest Of our friends wht
had promised to visit us that we
were anxious for their company.
We certainly were. Nothing
could have pleased US better thar
that they should have arrived in ;
body on one day. But alas Barle,
Hill Cottage had few disadvant
ages, among them the fact that there
were but fonr rooms and a batl
room--with which, by the way, W.
had an had such Undesirable amou
of tronble, on account Of our faulty
plumbing, that we wished tina
modern convenience was not in oul
possession.
Consequently, when one day We
had the pleasure of greeting the
Misses Jones, the Misses Brown
and their mamma, Cousin Clarisst
and Mrs. Twit's Miranda Jane
aged nine, we were puzzled. How
ever, necessity is the mother OF in
vention. We apologized to the
Misses Brown and their mamma
for putting them all three together
into the spare room. We resigned
ours without a murmur to the
Misses Jones. We begged Cousin
Clarissa to excuse rs for giving heI
the sofa bedstead In the parlor, and
made a couch with three chairs and
n bolster for Miranda Jane 10 a
corner cupboard. Then Charlie
improvised a bed over tho bath