West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-01-05
WAITS AND WHIMs.

WAITS AND wHIMs.
BosToS had fifty-four failures in No
yember.
The Bonapartists are the only men,
bers OF the Versailles Assembly who
openly In debate call their opponents
liars.
Once IN a while, once In a while
when summer hours have fled,
sat alone at flight hour
ana dream of beauty dead
Bright leaves that glittered in the sun,
Fair flowers In dust laid low,
And your sweet face. oh, fairest one,
Who faded long agoi
Two Siamese twin oysters were
recently found i'm the Chesapeake. They
were joined by ligature running from
heart to heart.
The man who said he had just got out
of tight place had been seen few
minutes before wiping his mouth in
drinking saloon.
THERE are ten printers in the United
States Senate; but most of them
abandoned that honest calling before
they went TO the Senate.
IT has been remarked that every
European prime minister is free-mason
except the Turkish grand vizier and the
Pope's right-hand adviser.
A DELAWARE paper says of a man
whose COW died, "Mr. Jones has the
sympathy of the entire community i'm
this his dark hour of grief"
RICHELIEU affirmed friendship to be
the medicine for all misfortune. All
very nice, Cardinal, but when trouble
comes the bottle is always found empty.
a ST. LOUIS Grand Jury recommends
that, because many petty oGenses are
committed for the sake of obtaining free
board in the prisons, the whipping post
be used again.
APoTHECARIEs in Holland are not
allowed to put up powerful prescriptions
on an old recipe, as what might have
suited man six months ago may not be
good for him now.
a BAND of Portuguese amateurs have
started out from Lisbon t. explore
Central Africa nStanley's tracks, and to
negotiate, if possible, treaties of com
merce with the natives along the route
TnE boy stood by the stable-door,
And watched the peusive mule;
thoughtful attitude IL
An air serenely cool.
The boy approached its hinder end
Let fall the plying tearsl-@s
Hes gone To meet his brother, and
His age was seven years."
THERE is nothing that will tend TO
make man forget to ask n blessing at
the breakfast table quicker than to sit
on n plate of soft-boiled eggs that the
cook left ON the chair when She tied her
shoes.
A BANGOR man has received a note,
inclosing one dollar and fifty cents.
from man with tender conscience. rs
pay for a pair of chickens worth seventy
five cents, which he stole when boy,
hfteen years ago.
THERE is some foundation for the
vampire legends after all. Crooks, an
English engineer, while surveying the
lsthmus of Darien, had his blood sucked
during sleep by vampire bat, and died
from the consequent exhaustion.
AN English musical journal says that
hfteen per cent of the inmates of lunatic
asylums are musicians and singers, but
1T neglects to state how many of the re-
naming eighty-five per cent were
driven mad by the practicing of the
former.
A MIsERLY millionaire is asked 20
contribute TO charitable fund, but de-
cllnes to do so, whereupon the lady
patroness upbraids him for his stin-
giness. All, madam" he says, sadly,
" If we rich people liked to be generous,
we should be too happy. We must
deny ourselves something"
CHURCH clocks in the Pays BASQUE,
France, always strike twice, because
clocks are very rare, many persons can
not read the hands, and in out-of-the-
| way places there is frequently no minute
hand. The clock of the church strikes
the first time to give warning, and at the
second time every one listens to the
| hour.
A RETIRED New York sea-captain has
n pet crow named "Jack," which takes
its grog like an old salt. 1t will take
down at a dose half glass of raw
whisky, after which it gives a hoarse
croak of maudlin delight, and falls over
on its side. Its recovery is rapid, and il
soon walks off, This dissolute bird is in
the habit of getting drunk two or three
/ times day, and the more it drinks the
/ better 1T seems to thrive.
The Indiana papers are making a
! great fuss about man in VALPARAISO
who recently picked up a horse and
! carried IT across the street. The Burling.
I ton HdWkEye rather SCOTS at the idea.
ut is easy enough" it saws, TO pick
up a horse if you know how The best
way is to let the lines get under his tail.
and then lift. And it will surprise you
/ to see how easily you can raise the horse
clear over the dashboard ana into your
/ lap"