The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-05-09
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE Y
LUxURIEs, not necessities, bring pow.
erty and ruin.
PERIcARDrr1s and broken heart are
sometimes convertible terms.
The Boston Journal censures another
paper for dedicate inaccuracy."
STRAWBERRY short cake is so called
because it is short of Strawberries.
THE man who studies to be revenged
only manages to keep his own wounds
green.
NATURE intended that every man
should be honest, but nature knows
nothing of politics.-M. o. Picayune.
AIRED AIT NooHNrYME may his tribe decrease,
Slept in his store. but had no dreams of peace,
In dire array due bills in visions rise.
Rome ". " Sentinel.
WHEN you are sick it comes easy to
promise all sorts of reformations, and
when you recover it is just as easy to
forget them.
THE man who says that q barking
dog never bites might as well add to it
that skittish horse never runs away.
Detroit Free Press.
| A wELL-TO- DO farmer in Ulster Coun.
ty, N. Y, who wanted wife, took a
woman on trial for week. to ascertain
her housekeeping qualities. She suited,
and he married her.
THE prisoner Baker will be logged
next Monday. ult.-Lontlon Free Press.
| We don't believe il. The event occurs
q fortnight ago next September, prox.
London Advertiser.
The Rev. Hale says that American
women can never DO beautiful until
they train their voices so that they can
scold the cook without being heard in
the parlor.-Frec Press.
A VERMONT husband asked for d.
vorce because his wife threw scissors at
him when he refused to buy her a silk
dress, and beat him with mop for
| splitting water on the floor.
WnES Eve brought voc to all mankind.
Old Adam CALLED her woman;
But when she wood with love so kind
He then pronounced it w,D-man:
But now with folly and with pride,
The ladie are 80 full Of whims,
The people call them whim-men.
AQUEpEc Judge has decided case
begun three years ago between two
farmers who had quarreled about
barrel of apples, valued ut $3.50, and
have thus far spent 81 800 in lawyers
fees and costs.
One who has probably realized, thus
soliloquizes: "No living wife knows
her own value. 1t is only when a rail-
road company comes to be sued that q
husband begins to learn what y treas
ure he has lOst.'
WHEN we are young we waste great
deal of time in imagining what we will
do when we grow older, and when we
are old we waste an equal amount of
time in wondering why we waited so
long before we began to do anything.
MY fears are overcome. indeed"
. TS Ss,d i E IN. ,ls, to her be- pops;
The tippest of the top.
More glory mine than could be won
r?s h sss'i e %! f :ssssss The world
In CONG ring Emmie's feas!"
-Yonkers Gazette.
JUST back from q trip to Havre:
"You will never catch me travelling BY
an excursion train again. Why. sir, at
the station at Havre lost my cane and
my wife," Then, with his utterance
choked by tears-"A new cane, too"
Paris Paper.
THERE is q way to win the heart of q
woman, that seldom fails. 1t involves
deception. however, and requires great
tact. 1t is to lead her to believe that
you are hopeless of success, and are
using every artifice to conceal your
love.-EIchange.
AT recent meeting a contralto ora
tor named Mrs. Clark explained how it
was. II knew" said she, "when 1
was sanctified, by this: l made my own
dresses, and when they didn't use to fit
got in rage and scolded and stormed.
Now that ugly feeling is all taken away,
and could try on my dresses ten times
over to make them fit, and never get
out of patience. My brethren, that's
the test.''
LETTERS received f, ON Persia, which
had been perforated with some sharp
instrument, were made the subject of
some sharp inquiry by our Government
of the Persian authorities. An answer
has been received, stating that the
perforation was in consequence of the
plague and certain quarantine regu-
lations; but that the plague had now
disappeared and the quarantine regula-
tions were removed"
A BON vIvANT who has felt little
jaded of late goes to see his doctor.
Eat lightly says the doctor, "of
simple food; no truffles, no wine, no
coffee, no liquors; don't gamble, 60 to
bed early, and | guarantee you the best
OF health" "Pshaw! know all that
as well as you," replied the patient.
"What demand of you is the means
to do precisely the opposite of what
you tell me to do."-Pdris Paper.
EDWARD" said a mother to her
SON. a boy of eight, who was trundling
hoop in the front yard. Edward,
You mustn't 60 out Of that gate into
the street." mo, ma, WON'T" was
the reply. A few minutes afterward
his mother saw him in the street manu-
featuring dirt pies. "Didn't tell you,"
she said angrily, "not to go through
the gate?" "Well, l didn't, mother"
was the reply. II climbed over the
fence"
The Bachelor Brothers have been
missing gold fish from their tank for
some time. A watch was set to catch
the thieves, who were supposed to he
boys. Yesterday the cat which belongs
to the store was seen to approach the
tank, and, watching its opportunity,
quickly reached for and drew out one Of
the golden beauties. and make its dainty
meal innocently. Pussy's claws will be
cut and the tank covered.-Uyica IN
| ~ Herald.
Irish Pleasantrles.