The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-07-13
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Texas man got mad because a waiter
handed him a napkin the other day. He said
be - reckOned he knOw'd when to use han 'ker-
cher without havin no hints throwd out"
Said a bright little daughter of three sum-
mers - Papa, what is a picnic?" Papa.
\ party in the woods, dear" Daughter.
! But what do they pickup Papa, g My dar-
ling, they pick nix
An exchange says st. Joseph, Mo-, girl
recently refused wealthy suitOr because he
ate beans with a knife. That's what he gets
for going back on his fingers; but he wonders
If she wanted him to eat 'em with a shovel.
The world is full of trouble, but you dodge
great deal of it if you only try. The difficulty
with many people is that they hold magni-
flying glass over their griefs, and then pull the
curtain down when the sun tries to come out.
Now that the telephone makes it possible
for sounds to be canned the same as beef, milk,
Holsters, fruit etc, missionary sermons can be
bottled and ser to the South Sea Islands, ready
for the table. instead of the missionary him
self
- The girls of our day are very badly edu-
cated,'' said one of the members ola committee
on education to the Bishop of Gloucester. That
cannot be Denied retorted his lordship; show
ever there is one consolation, the boys will never
find it out"
Not long ago a man and his wife went to
Kansas to settle. To enable them to pre-empt
Two quarter sections of land they were divorced
zach pre-empted claim, and as soon as their
elalms were made good they,wer remarked,
thus obtaining 800 acres of land.
A Dutchman in Canada was relating his
marvellous escape from drowning, when thirteen
Of his companions were lost by the upsetting
t.Fa hat and he alone saved nd how
did you escape from their fate ?" asked one of
his hearers. 50 It'd not CO in te same pote,"
was the Dutehman's placid answer.
A traveller in Western Iowa, while riding
slOng, came to q large sign which Implored
him to 50 look out for the locomotive" >" He ac-
cordingly rode down the track for better view,
and while he was obligingly looking OUT for
il, it came along. He saw it, but had to sit
in the ditch and wait till freight train of
thrty-seven cars passed by before he could get
back to the other piece of his horse.-BurHngton
Halckeye.
- don't object said the Quartermaster on
Sunday morning while our ship was running
toward the equator before the northeast trade
Wind, I" don't object to prayers when it blows
q hurricane or when we are on lee shore; but
here we are called aft to prayers when the
Weather is as fine ever made fair winds
eyery day Il clear sun at noon skysails stud
q
aheet unbelayed for weeks the ship going ahead
60 steady that she could carry glass of sherry
on that capstan and not spill drop of it. But
prayers it is, according to orders! Now what g
Che good of it?'
Living like other arts and sciences, keeps
mace with our education, refinement aud culture,
and is fast becoming familiarized to the American
peOpIe Though | have classed 1t with the arts
and sciences, and although there is something
artistic in the construction ofa good lie, and
notwithstanding that good, square, solid lie is
a scientific triumph, still L am of the opion that
living should more properly be considered
accomplishment. \ 'gentlemanly accomplish
ment' it was once designated by Nevada news
paper And yet. l have seen men who possessed
the accomplishment in the highest degree of
perfection, and still were not gentlemen. That,
however, does not prove or premise that gentle
men cannot lie.
Oh, he 4 young, Iithesome
And he moved With tender grace
And smile ike the sweep of an angels wing.
Played over his fair young face.
ANrIsTRoPE.
II brng- he said and the editor bowed,
For he loved the sweet young thing;
A lay of the baImy Spring.
Then the edito. gathered his crOss-cut saw.
And the nail grab, all the same:
The Dig sledg hammer, the long crOTbsr,
And the club with the terrible name.
He sawed him in two, and he fiattened him out;
He tore out each quyering lung;
He pinned him up the sancIum wall
80 scattered. aud yet young.
burlington HaWkeye.
SAYINGS OF GEORGE ID. PRENTICE-To keep
your friends, treat them kindly; to kill them,
treat them oiCen.
lie who reels and staggers most in the journey
of life takes the straightest cut to the devil.
Men should not think too much of themselves,
and yet man should be careful not to forget
himself
A dinner to which man is not invited gener-
ally sits hardest on his stomach.
There are many men whose tongues might
govern multitudes, if they could govern their
tOngues.
The reduction of postal facilities has gone too
far- The mail passed through-town the other
day an 4 couple of stockings tied over the back OF
a bulldog,
few days ago the freedom of New York City
was presented to Mr.. Van Buren, in gold snuff
sac gisa.y oT room in - Dos for
.-~l Lew Ior- has enjoyed for
Iv periols when Congress dass no