The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-04-04
WIT AND HUMOR.

FooD OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES eaten
late at night
The cornerstone of a grain elevator
was laid recently with nazeonic cere-
monies.
Sc MUMMY CLOTHS are advertised. We
suppose they are intended for Pharaoh
tables.
OHi-When a man has no bills against
him he feels as though he belongs to the
nobility.
Now is the time for spring cleaning.
If you have not got spring, clean out
your well.
SAID a philosopher, "My friend con-
Quoted his future wife to the altar-and
there his leadership came to an end"
IT was said of a certain Judge that he
was SO reserved in his manners that one
would never suspect that he had any.
"THoU art SO near and yet so far" as
the burglar said when he admired the
valuable watch in the jewelers. window.
SUNDAY-soHoo1 teacher" and why
did Aaron make a golden calf?" Sharp
child" Please, miss, because he hadn't
got enough gold to make cow"
OLD Deacon Dobson always boosted
that "he was prepared for the worst,
and his neighbors thought he had got it
when he married his second wife.
A MAN being arrested for biting off
mans thumb, it was asked where he
came from. ''He must have come from
Gnaw-thumb-erland," said witty lady.
"WoULD you like to look through the
big telescope ?" asked one girl of an
other; to which the latter replied, "No;
I'd great deal rather look through
keyhole.' -
"How nicely this corn pops p said
young man who was sitting with his
sweetheart before the fire. eyes," she
responded, demurely, sits got over be-
ing green.
ENAMoRED writing master Ito young
lady pupil: GO can teach you nothing;
your hand is already very desirable
one, and your rs are the most beautiful
L have ever seen"
MAMMA: "Look, Cissy, here is the
dear doctor coming. What favorite he
is See, even the little chickens run to
meet him" Cissy: eyes, ma; and the
little ducks cry 'Quack quack r"
A NEBRASKA saloon keeper became so
affected by the temperance agitation
that he promised to reform, so he put
out a sign, lowing to the cause of re-
form all 15-cent drinks will hereafter be
sold for 10 cents"
The mother-in-law finds defender in
the San Francisco Mail, which says,
look after him and his wife, it is more
than probable that TO this very day we
might have been all resident IN one gar
den."
AN agricultural contemporary wants
to know chow we can teach boy bust
ness habits better than by giving him
an opportunity to run hennery." We
don't know, unless you try swapping
jack knives aud things with him. Gin
cdsanotj Breakfast Table.
DANCING MASTER =" Come, Master
Brimmer, this nice little girl says you
have promised to dance with her"
Master Brimmer "Oh, please, Dir.
Pantaletti, I asked her in the dark, and,
now that the gas is lighted, she's so ugly
I dom want to. "-L0n1pO0n.
JANE DFDMAN was red-haired girl,
And handsomer than she
Gould not be found for ten miles round
This glorious countree.
Jane courted by Jim Malone,
And they were going to wed;
But James hair SET Jim's breath af1re,
And busted off his head.
To REMOVE freckles, let young ladies
bathe the face with Gologne-water after
tea, and about 10 p. m. brush both
cheeks, the forehead and chin, with a
carefully-selected mustache. If this
does not remove the freckles, it will, I'M
der ordinary circumstances, cause them
to be forgotten.
MAMMA, where do the COWS get the
milk?" asked Willie, looking up from
the foaming pan of milk which he had
been intently regarding. "Where do
you get your tears?" was the answer.
After a thoughtful silence, he again
broke out, 4" Mamma, do the COWS have
to be spanked?"
WHEN Mr.. Baker took to wife
bux3m little dear,
He fenced her il with both his arms,
And whispered in her ear
Now do promise thee, my love,
Ne'er from thy side TO go;
For like all bakers, little one,
I daily need my doe."
-YoTkerS Gazette.
YOUNG lady (who has selected some
nice moire-antique for a dress)-" You
will please charge that moire-a antique to
pa" Affiable clerk" Excuse me, miss,
but my employer says your pa cannot
have any naore-on-tick until he settles
his last years bill" Exit young Lady
in high dudgeon.
THERE is a precocious 6-year-old boy
who is wonderful on spelling and defni-
ton. The other day his teacher asked
him to spell matrimony." "M-a-tr-i-
m-o-n-y," said the youngster, promptly.
]" Now define it, said the teacher.
well, replied the boy, 6 I don't know
exactly what it means; but I know
mothers got enough of it"