Connecticut western news., 1878-09-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

Be polite, but don't salaam the door.
 "A mosquito that bites and flies away may live to bite another day.
 One should seek for others the hap piness one desires for one's self.
 It is not life to live for one's self alone. Let us help one another.
 Speaking of rude remarks, any re- mark is rued that gets you into trouble.
 Few men have life plan, although many week, year, youth or business plan. ...t...
 Nothing can constitute good breed- ing that has not good nature for its foun- dation.
 Anything we oan love and rever- ence becomes, as it were, the Sabbath for the mind.
 Interested benefits are so common that we need not be astonished if grati tude be rare.
 The cool evenings remind us that the autumn has pooled its issues and the summer ''must go."
 A woman can't put on any side-sad- de style when she goes in swimming. She has either to kick out like a man or get drowned.
 The new style of stoves this coming winter will bear the following in large raised letters all around the top, [" This is not spittoon. ..
 A farmer, speaking of the thinness of his hay crop, said, "The grass hoppers have all got lame trying to jump from one blade of grass to another.
 A Michigan woman hid her COW under the hay to keep her out of sight of the tax-collector, and newspaper calls it case of cowhiding by female.
 Before the 10" let there appear
 Twice twenty-five, and five in rear
 One-fifth of eight subjoin, and then
 You'll find what 'tis that conquers men,
 Somebody writes to inquire why tapping the face of the barometer makes the hand move. If any one were to tap his face, wouldn't his hand move? .........
 A young lady wished her lover to promise her that he would never smoke another cigar. "I'll do it," he said; sustained by your love, meerschaum will do me-" .
 A North Carolina editor declares that the man who will read newspaper three or four years without paying for it, will pasture goat on the grave of his grandfather. ..........
 -"Ten mills make one cent" When we were a youngstel on the farm, and the wheat had to be ground, we were the one sent One mill, however, was suffi- cient at that time.
 Jack (who has been put in the corner for misbehavior)-" Mamma" Mamma" We'll, sir, what is itP Jack -" What remarkably nice corners there are in this house P
 All hair-pins look alike to men, but let Q wife go off on a visit for a month, and come home and find a hair-pin near the door, and she can't wait minute to grow red in the face.
 Edison is home again in Menlo Park. The Western fellows put up job on him, and got him to shoot at a iack-rabbit about two hours, when he went and hit it on the head and found that it wasstuffed.
 A clothier has excited public cu- r1osity by having large apple painted on his sign. When asked for an explana- tion, he replied, eff 1t hadn't been for an apple, where would the ready-made stores be to-day ?"
 The little Paul, aged eight, passes the day at his uncle's. At the desert they serve the tart to the cream. "Ah, my uncle," said the child, "why didn't you tell me this morning that there was going to be pie for dinnerp" "Whya' |" So that I could have expected it all day." replies the infant.
 If the report be true the chief of the Chinese Embassy now in this country is shrewd observer, and withal has keen appreciation of humor. Being asked the other day how all the Chinese in America would go back to China, he replied, "They will all go to Ireland; that is the only country that the Irish 10 not rule."
 The other day visitor to Dublin aired car for an hour to drive round he Phoenix Park. No sooner was he seated than the driver proceeded to warm lis nag's ribs, and started off at about ,en miles an hour. As he did not slack ,n his pace the passenger asked the 'easoa for such quick travelling. Faith" replied Paddy, "d'ye thinkI'd ,e all day drivin' you an hourf"