The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1878-03-21

"However, when the Colonel, who
saw my reluctant response to his invl-
tation, exclaimed, Don't be proud,
Peletiah!' | hastily pocketed the cider,
and thinking of fathers prospective de-
light over it at dinner-time, moved for
ward with alacrity over the hillside to
meeting.
"The bell had ceased tolling when l
arrived at the door, but | waited out
side until after the first prayer and
then glided noiselessly on my toes
into our family pew. My brother
and sister had already taken their
seats, leaving my place unoccu-
pied against my arrival. Mother
remained at home to keep our dear old
father company in his suffering, and
read the most comforting chapters in
the Bible to him during his worst par
oxysms. My long walk had predisposed
me to slumber, but stood up as usual
in singing time cutting in with full
force when we came to And that shall
kindle ours, in the proper place for the
tenor voices | heard the minister give
out his text, and followed him into his
secondly, when my mind wandered,
and prejudiced individual would prob
ably have charged me with being asleep.
| reused myself warily, however, chew
ed bit of fennel, and put on look of
intense satisfaction with the discourse.
Suddenly became aware of move
ment in the direction of one of my coat
tails. A freezing horror chilled my per-
son from head to foot, and knew then
it was the cider getting ready to ex-
plode in my left-hand pocket. For a
moment tried to summon up an APP
pearance of unconeern, as if the deton-
ating sound came from some other To-
cality; but its proximity could not be
long disguised. Immediate exposure
was inevitable. Should I instantly fly
from the pew, before the cork had time
to do its worst? [ deliberated a mo-
ment, but it was too late. One crash,
and my fate was sealed.
I'm all my experience with corks, L
never heard one leave the neck of bot
tie with a sound like that. The noise
was terrific in violence, and, to my dis
ordered fancy, shook the Westinghouse.
The minister stopped short in his ser
mon, and looked around bewildered.
Two small, disreputable boys in the
gallery collapsed with delight. Any
thing to put an end to the sermon was
nuts to them, and they at once fairly
effervesced with happiness over my
misery. But their effervescence was
nothing to that which was going on in
our vicinity! With one mighty bound
the 'pent-up Utica of cider, with no
cork to stop it, tore into the air above
our pew, and leaped headlong over my
shoulders, boiling and bursting into the
back of my neck, and splitting over into
the broad aisle. In vain [ tried to re-
strain the impetuous liquid with my
fingers-to curb it's remorseless fury for
a moment with my pocket -handker-
chief; but no effort of mine could quell
; its fleet career. On it came, Kissing and
destroying like a wild tornado in trop-
ic cline, terrible to contemplate and
awful to experience.
81 was indeed "a sight to behold!'
, My hair became saturated with cider to
f that extent, in the language of Prof.
Holmes, it dropped around my pallid
. cheek like sea-weed on a clam My
garments ran apple-juice, and was as
f one STEPPED from crown to toe in cider.
| was odorous with the foaming abom-
nation, and fearful to look upon.
GAIL eyes were now turned upon me,
evidently requiring an explanation of
7 such an unwonted scene, when the other
: bottle began to give voluable signs OF
disturbance. At once / started up in
fresh alarm, and ran out of the pew,
making for the meeting house door with
, all the precipitation possible'to ruined
h,,t Ill / @0n 1,E1
. flew the other cork, and a second deluge
wildly ensued. Miss Libby was struck
violently twice in the bonnet, and
E screamed murder as flew past her into
, the porch. There | sat down exhausted
with shame and over-exertion, only
wishing for providential humiliation on
q the sacred spot had innocently done Sc
: much to desecrate.
f Reader, may it never be your fate
+ to hear what have heard, to see what
9 | have seen in an old-fashioned country
Westinghouse, where every body knows
you, and where, down to the latest gen.
Grafton, nobody ever forgets a ridicu,
lous catastrophe like mine
a "For centuries to come whenever 6
bottle of cider threatens to explode in
South Littleton, some by-stander will
, be sure to observe, with a sly look at the
E fizzling aperture, Stand by with tum
bier, for | guess it's a-goin' to Perritt
And thus my ill-starred name will forev.
y er be associated with ciderial influences
5 any thing but pleasant, in the humble
I village where | was born. flames T
+ Fields, IN the Youths Companion.
~s-
The Illinois Supreme Court has
just decided that parents shall deter
mine what their children shall study o.
!, the branches taught in the public