Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1878-09-16
Marriage-Harness for a pair.


The melon cholic days have come.
An easy feat for negro-To keep
dark.
A cannibal-One who loves his fellow
men.
Grows bigger the more you contract
it-Debt.
Our fashion reporter says pocket-books
are worn smaller this season..
Whatever is, is right" except when
you get the right boot on the left foot.
There was only one man not spoilt by
being lionized. His name was Daniel.
When tooth begins to feel as if there
was chicken scratching at its roots,
it's time to pullet out.
The label upon bottle of ague reme-
dy. requesting the patient to shake we'll
before using, is superfuous.
"You seem to walk more erect than
usual, my friend" "Yes, have been
Strengthened by circumstances"
"We want all the TRUTH" said the
judge to an Irishman. "lndade, ye shall
have it all, and more" was the reply.
Young swell: 81 should like to have
my mustache dyed" Polite barber:
"Certainly did you bring it with you ?"
Careful housewife Qifting shoe from
the soup tureen); ala I! who'd a-thought
baby's shoe would turn up in the soup
But knew it wasn't lost. l never lost
anything !"
An old lady from the south said she
never could imagine where all the Smith s
came from until she saw in New Eng
land town large sign, "Smith Manu-
featuring Company"
If Edison could have had money
enough to 60 to college when boy the
world would have known nothing of him
save as stroke oar in the annual regatta.
-New Orleans Picoysne.
Mike was asked if he believed in Sec
ond love. "Faith, an do p said he.
"If you have pound of sugar, isn't it
swate? And, when that is gone, don't
you want another; and isn't that swate,
too?"
A fair one wrote to her lover. begging
him to send her some money. She added
by way of postscrip: 81 am so ashamed
of the request made in this letter that
l sent after the postman to get it back,
but the servant could not overtake him. u
Three or four times couple appeared
before a clergyman for marriage. but the
groom being invariably drunk, the cler
gyman refused to marry them. He re-
proved the girl, who burst into tears and
said: "But he won't come, sir, when ht
} is SOBER"
An indianapolis barber who abandoned
his business and went into the ministry
was suddenly called upon one Sunday t.
baptize three candidates. He got along
very we'll, but after baptlzing the frs
, ne astouished his congregation by Justly
shouting, "Next !"
A witty young lady was once told b,
Q a gentleman friend of her acquaintanc,
that, "He thought he must have beef
e born with silver spoon in his mouth.
. She looked at him carefully. and upol
realizing the size of his mouth, replied
81 don't doubt it but it must have beel
a soup ladle."
A man saw ghost while walkiD
along lonely highway at midnight
The ghost stood exactly in the middle Q
the road, and the wayfarer, deciding t
investigate, poked at it with his umbrel
la. The next instant he was knocke
:, twenty feet into mud-hole. Moral
' Never poke at large white mule whe
s its back is turned.
= A little Maine chap was taken I
d church for the first time where minis
ter officiated in a surplice. He was cor
% tinually fdgeting and asking, .Ma. is
: not done 2" "When will he be done
"a The minister stood up to make the clo
e ing prayer, raising his hands, when ii
y little fellow turned to his mother, wit
horror pictured on his face, saying, IN
he is swelling up again"