The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1878-07-26
Nasty.
Mr. Nasby Subjects His Financial Theo-
ries 10 the Test of Experiercs-FIpsh
Times-A Slight Difficulty.
CoNFEDRIT X. ROADS,
MIi,H Is IN THE STATE OE KENTnCKY 4

wIcH is IN THE STATE OF KENTUCKY,
The Corners hev red the speeches NV Hon.
Ole Bill Allen and that other gileless patriot,
General Samyooel Cary Nv Ohio, on the mo.
menchus subjick Nv More Money, till they bev
bin worked up to state Nv absloo. madnis
The Corners are jist the same ez all other i'm
pecoonius people-tbey want More Money, and
the idee Nv Honest Ole Bill Alleo, that to git
it all yoo he'd to do wuz to ishoe it. filed our
idees nv fnauss eggsackly. 1t is simple,
effectooal and ezily understood.
determined to put the idee tito practice,
and to that end sej,sted to my friend, the
organiz,shen Nv bank nv ishoo under the
name and title nv "The Onimited Tcust and
Confidence Company nv Confedtt X Roads,
he'd sum truble to git the citizens into it,
bat L finely succeeded. L explained to the
people that more money wood be an advantage
to the debtor class, wich. ez nine-tenths NV EN-
wuz in debt to Bascom, settled them. They
hailed with joy any movement that wood wipe
out their scores and give EN- new credit at his
bar
To Bascom and them ez intended TO hev in
the management showed thet more money
meant increased trade. and ez the money wood
all be ishood on our credit it woodent cost any
thing but the printing; we coodent lose any
thing. So the bank wuz started. wuz made
President: Issaker Gavitt, Cashier; Bsscom,
Vice President; with Board Nv Directors con-
sistin of Kernel McPelter and the venerbal
Deekin Pogram. We pat the Deekin on becoz
he is bald-hesded, aud therefore respectable.
His biznis is to sit ia ths front window reedin
an infashen paper. 1t inspires confidence.
Yoo have to watch him to keep him from hevin
the paper upside down, but In this community
that don't matter ez very few know the differ
ence more'n he does.
1t wuz forchunit that our bankin room wuz
lokatid immejtly under the printin-offis, ez
we kin let the printed notes which we ishoo
down to the Presidents desk by rope. II
saves labor, which is great pint in institoo-
shen like ours.
Ine theory on which our paper is ishood is
very sirnpf-s -DL~-S~--r~.s-iAhsAi - -@-.2-tae-
r--ri- t-i-~ i.-NUa hau no t;rna a--a s-----
dempshun, fur the beauty Nv the biznis is that
we don't never intend to redeem. Our notes
reeds:
"The Onlimited Trust and-csnfd dAnea Can
eauy nv Uonfedtit X Roads (wich is in the
State Nv Kentucky promises to pay the bearer
One Dollar"
We doa't say when, where, or how, and
therein is the strength Nv the enterprise.
Our first ishoo was received with some hesl-
| tashuD.
"Where is our secoority," demanded Que
farmer to whom we offered it in payment for
| load Nv wheat.
| "Faith in the company I ansered, lookin
| at him pityipgly "Gsze onto that face" re-
| scomed, piatin at Deekin Pogram, who ruther
| spilled the effect by brushin off fly that he'd
| lited on his nose; ''look at that face and then
ask for secoorty.
"When is it to be redeemed?" askt another.
| est never wants TO be redeemed" wuz my
| anser. "We shell be libral, and when a note
1 wears out we will give you another. Wat do
/ 700 want it redeemed fur? Money ishooed on
faith needs no redempshun. We buy yoor pro-
! doose with it, yoo yoose it to boy yoor goods,
| and go il goes round and round IN cirkle,
! dispensiI blessins wherever it hits. Ez long ez
yoo take it what do 700 want nv anything
/ else?'
Another remarkt that it wuz his idee that
| paper money wuz ali to be redeemed 10 gold.
"Gold," promptly rep.'ted. SIS played out.
Gold is merchandise. Our democratic breth-
rem in Ohio hev desided that m, 'ney Is simply
promises to pay, and that it don III matter on
| wat msterial that promise is stampt- "netueI
gold, silver, iron, Shells or copper We s1el
put ourn on paper, cos it's the cheapest W =
shel hev no extravagance about this banss"
| Pollock, the lllinoy disturber, in the most
| brootal manner, refoozed to tech it, and conse-
! quently his biznis suffered. One shoemaker
| from Ohio followed SCOT, and undertook to ar
| goo agin so much money. He asserted the
heresy that addin to the volume nv currency
didn't add nothin to its power. Said he:
| 81 will illustrate so the Corners will compre-
| bend. Yoo take gallon Nv whskey aud add
| to it three gallons NV water. WE'LL you hev
four gallons in the bari, but there aint but one
| gallon Nv square drunk in it, after ALL"
L answered him by reading copious extracks
| from Carys speeches. shown that troo pros
perity goes hand in hand with plenty NV
| money.
They finally was convinst aud took our
| money for their grain, tho we he'd to pay tbern
at the beginnn twenty cents bushei more for
| ther wheat than other money wood hev got it
for. Bot we didn't care, for we knew we Good
| make all Nv it we wanted.
| 1t wuz astonishin wat era prosperity set
| in on the Corners to wunst Money became ez
| plenty ez blackoerries, and every body he'd their
pockets full Nv it. Land went up in valyoo two
hundred per cent IN week, aud the price Nv
| the nessaries nv life raised ekally, Bascon
put up his new whiskey from to 25 cents per
drink, and sich wuz the run trade he he'd
that his wife and his oldest son, Jefferson Dav-
| is Bascom, both he'd to stand in the bar to wait
on customers The bank bought all the wheat
and other PRODUCTIONS and paid for em in its
own money, and we paid sich prices ez hap
pened, for moaey wuz with US no objeck. The
high prices brot all the trade for twenty miles
around to the Corners, and all the dealers who
wood take the money stood up TO their middles
init.
Then my turn come. Pintin to the crowds
nv people in Bascom's sed to the doubter--
"Wuz trade ez brisk ez that before infla-
| shun?" wich settled him.
Improvements are bein projected every day.
We hev organized company TO build branch
road from here to SecessiOnville, another over
to Bloody Fork, and still another to little An
| Jacksonville. Five turnpike companie- hev been
organized, and three factories hev been actoc-
ally commenced. The water power on the Run
| jlst above the village is to be improved at
wunst, and BAscom is slreddy at work on a
wing to the back part of the grocery. Town
lots are dublin in valyoo every day, and new
adlshuns are bein perpetyooally laid out
Everybody is spekelatin, and everyb body Is
| gettin rich. There is flush times here. The
people are all inhashunists.
am president nv all these compnies, and
see no reason why can't put em through. 1t
is troo the price Nv everything hez gone mp.
The commonest niger labor is now So day,
and pair Nv pegged boots wuth $40, but wat
difference does that make? So long ez Simkins.
the printer kin work bis press we kin manu-
facktur all the money we want; and ez lopg ez
we kin manufacktur money, there must be
prosperity.
Deekin Pogram, Captain McPelter and Isss-
ker Gavitt hev all paid off mortgages on their
farms, and hev bot a fsrm and am gettin up
plans for manshun befittin my new posishun.
l hev finally struck my gait Bank President
scots mel wuz born for it. Eff L wuz relijus-
ly inclined shood pray for WilSum Allen un-
Ill he'd corns on both kuees.
PETROLEUM " NAsBY
President NV the Onlimiled Trust and Conf
dence Company.
p. S. There's trifin but still embarassin
trouble okkurred. The unprecedented run on
nnoees exhausted his-staek nTilk kefs ysster-
day, and he sent to Louisville for m0re.- Tine
likker merchants Nv that mersenary city, ez a
matter Nv form, generally require Bascom to
pay for goods afore they ship EN-, to avoid mis-
takes. He sent on a thousand dollars Nv our
money, aud they refoozed 10 take i'll Wat to do
, , We don't know. We don't see why our money
! shoodent go 10 Louisville.
It will take two weeks to ship enough grain
to Louisville to exchange for the likker, and
then comes another terrible quondary. Bas
com demands the grain Nv the bank and wants
to pay for it in the banks isshoes! And he in-
sIsts on hevn it a. its with in louisville! FL
nsnseerin aint the eazyest bizuis in the world.
Our money started well enutf on the cirke,
but there seems to be a break in it. Eff we
t let Baseom hev that grain and take our own
money for it, were iz our profits? Ell we don't
let him hev the graiu the Corners will die Nv
: drouth! And eff he gifts it our money must be
! taken for it, that's all he's got. might Gu
a | the GoTjen knot by fallin, but then the wheat