Litchfield enquirer., 1878-09-12
CLIPPINGS.

A man never uses his thumb-nail for screw driver but once ...
 Solitude is well enough until you want to borrow something, then it's inconvenient |. Silence is not always golden. The oyster is continually getting into broils and stews.
 An Irish lover remarks 'Its a great pleas ure to be alone, especially when your sweet heart is wid ye."
 ''See here, mister," said boy who was driven up tree by a ferocous dog, "If you don't take your dog away I'll eat up all your apples!"
 A kitten that is drowned before it gets it's eyes open is saved the pain of growing up and getting it's tail pinched in the wood shed door
 q have all the sorvonls need There is nothing for you to do." "Ah! madam, it will take very little work to occupy me, he an- swered.
 'GOvernesses should never be required to do low, menial work" said gentleman Certainly not; but they frequently aspire to the hymeneal," replied the lady.
 Teacher: Now what is the meaning of the word chasm2 Pupil: It is an opening. Teach CT: Favor me with an example. Pupil: The milliners have chasm at the beginning of the season. E' st
 Ayoung lady, intending to paint her cheeks with rouge, put all the paint on her nose, and did not discover the er:or until requested to sign 'the pledge" If you have pastor who has mezzo so- prano voice and quotes the golden rule ''diew unto others as yew would that others should djew unchew yew," lay for him with a club at every opportunity.
 "Oh, I know she loves," cried the grief stricken youth. "But how do you know she prefers your rival? asked the friend s'Ah," was the sad reply, 'I saw her look bias at him."
 A Chinaman recently showed his wife how | to light fire with American kerosene and her experience will be of considerable advan- tage to her second husband.
 A little gil asked minister, ''Do you think my father will go to heaven ?" ''Why, yes, my child. Why do you ask?" ''Well, because if he don't have his own way there he won't stay long,"
 Edison has worn his head nearly bald try ing to invent a machine that would calculate with some sort of accuracy the difference be- tween the weight of fish when it is first taken | out of the water and when it gets into the newspapers. It .kaint be did.
 The persistent wretch who is always,ask- ing ''Is this hot enough for you2" will get his reward one of these days. When dark complexion old person with horns shall lead him in, crying, '1s this hot enough for you ?'' he will understand all.
 Humorous in Is way of putting things was a gentleman who said Stock Exchange bear was person who sold what he had not | a hlYlI yyhn hOrrht Nxykof ho ooul5 not pay for; and that financing" was ''buy- ing shares by asman who doesn't want them from one who has none to sell"
 GRArIFY NC. ~ Young person (applying for housemaid's place, where footman is kep', objected to children, was engaged to, and vis- ited by, most Tspectable young man in the 'Orse Artillery, and with a fortnight's charac- ter from her last place, but who altogether does not exactly suit): 'tI really ham sorry,
 Mum, fer l rather like your appearance,
 Muml"
 A little fve-vear-old was sitting with his
 mother is this city few days ago. play.ng al . her feet, when suddenly he looked up into he,
 face and said: ''Mother, do you want to know
 what 1 want to be when grow up2" Sh,
 shook her head. "Well, when I ow up
 those men who cure coras and have their pic lures in the paper.
 "sMy Grandfather's Clock,'.t $ all verJ we, Whea the song was first coming about,
 But rwas whtsiled aad sung till its p,lmbers nov swell
 Upon ears that are tired out.
 It is whistled and hummsd, out of time, out 0
 tune, With an infinite feeling of pride I'll we all of us wish that the song had stoppe, short
 | When the ola man died,"
 Il A mau with the toothache doesn't care abou any thing else. The glolies of the wo.ld pal on his taste, the wonders of creation seem a } naught. The tooth becomes volcano O l belching fr~y, and the rest of life hidden in cloud of its billowing smoke. You can't bcr row anything of a man with the toothache } You "an't instruct and improve him, Yo, 3 tell him that the world travels at the rate of thousand miles minute, and it doesn't star tie him in the least. He simply groans. Yo, ? say to him, My friend, there are stars so ia ] off that their light has not yet reached thi , world" but he don't mind it. He only howis l You tell him that some of the sun spots ar s 100, 900 miles in diameter, and that one O them would take in Jupiter at one mouth ful, but it is nothing to him. He goes o' 8 swearing and weeping. Sometimes a man 3 ! tooth aches so hard, the pain is so agonizing that several strong men have to hold hin down by main force while some imp0:tan scientific fact is being communicated to him