The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-08-22
Soup and Trouble in Equal Parts.

A man clad in new, but poorly fit
ting suit of store-clothes and bearing q
heavy look of trouble around his mouth
and across the brow, went into Fourth
street restaurant yesterday, and taking
a seat apart from all other diners, showed
his hat under the table, sighed deeply,
and called for soup.
Anything more?'
"No."
The hot liquid was made black with
pepper, and then followed a swishing,
gurgling sound, at quick intervals, like
the FLASHING of the tide. At the end
of three minutes the bowl was empty
and the waiter again summoned.
More soup"
1t was brought.
Anything more p
"No.'
Tears gathered in the eyes of the
gloomy man, but he brushed them away
with his napkin, and plunged his spoon
again into the steaming soup. The ell
bow crooked and Strengthened with the
regularity of heartbeat, and presently
the waiter was beckoned once more. He
stepped up with visible irritation, but
catching an admonishing look from the
steward, bent forward with suavitv.
"More SOUP" said the man, with a
plaintive voice brimming over with
emotion.
Anything else?''
"No."
Hadn't better bring in the kettle
this trip?" said the waiter.
You might" said the man with a
sigh that Jared the table. "Pve got
heaps of trouble to drown
We've got Cruel that'll do more
with less bulk" said the waiter. 1t
might hit the right spot sooner"
"Pve never found no balm for a
wounded spirit that could walk around
oup-'specially if it's hot and tolerable
high-seasoned. don't know whether it
comes of being hot and fetching on the
sweat or not, but it reaches for trouble
every time and gets away with heart-ache
quicker'n anything I ever tried; SO you
may keep on with it. guess, till my
mind gets easy enough to bear corn
beef and cabbage"
The waiter was softened by the hun
CRY grief before him, and much re-
gretted his thoughtless chatting. He
felt sympathetic and longed to soothe
the aching breast.
You're in trouble, then?' he ven
tured timidly.
&c I am, pardner-deep," said the man,
as he reached over for a fresh pepper-box.
Lose your property?'
"No-no. Worse'n that"
Friends-near kinfolks, maybe w
queried the waiter with sober look.
Worse'n that, good deal"
"You don't say! Pm real sorry, sir !;
but maybe twas all for the best"
"No, III be dad-thumped if it wasp
exclaimed the stranger, choking on the
soup, and getting red in the face: "Does
it ever do man any good to be swim
dled?'
"Why, no-surely not"
"Well, that's just what I've been, and
in the meanest, dog-gonedest way that
any body ever was sold, too. Pardner,
I've been the victim of base, deceivin'
one-eyed schemer. l was married last
Monday"
The waiter could only make big eyes
and catch his breath. The sad man
proceeded.
said married, but swindled was the
word / meant-took in shameful. mar
ried on 'spec.' with every prospect of
getting both money and beauty, and
here am euchered blind. She was a
widow, living in good style, in a bunkum
good house that everybody said be-
longed to her, and so I thought there
wasn't much risk. She was as pretty to
look at as ripe watermelon, but turns
out to be bigger fraud than green
pumpkin"
The poor victim broke down with
emotion, and had to pause and mop his
eyes.
" Pardner, them shiny, dazzlin' teeth,
that wilted me the first time saw hel
grin, turns out to be sham, shop-made
and not even paid for yet, and so help
me Hezekiah, one of her eyes is glass,
and she sleeps with her hair on the back
of chair; but the worst of all is that
the house was only hern as long as she
remained single, and now the regular
heirs have served notice on her tt
vamoose, and she actually expects me to
find house and pay rent on it. Pvt
been to see lawyer, and all the conso
lation he gives me is that I've got t.
grin and bear it, cause the bargain
was for better or worse. Fetch OF
another bowl of soup, and have it extrs
warm"