Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-11-13

The lap of luxury-a cat eating
cream.
The man who has persistently closed
| the door all summer now leaves it wide
open.-Bostoo Transcript.
Tanning ones self IL like chewing
gum-the more yu do it, the more yl
want to.
A Colorado girl, Miss Eunice Stone,
always kisses the editor she visits. Oh!
Eu-nlce Stone.
A man who is intimate on short &C.
quaintance is usually "shOrt" on in
innate experimentation Globe.
Natural Seleciion-When a boarder,
six months in arrears, helps himself to
beets.- Stamford Aduocate.
Doomed for certain time to walk
the night. The bed-bug Ill search Of
provision.--Philadelphiu Chronicle.
Straddling Blind-This phrase prob
ably refers to equestrian exercise on a
sightless horse.-Bost0n Transcript.
Consistency, thou art a Jewell" as
the office boy said when he got the
paste the right hickness-Bosto,o Tram
script
Hungry traveler-"Fir5t of all have
you sole % Irish landlady-"A sowl,
is it? Now, do | look like haste ?"-
Fun.
1t is said of a successful writer
whose verbal promises are very poor:
ellis pen is mightier than his word. =
Brooklyn Union Argus.
Mr.. Edison is a wonderful man, but
we can never believe that mere case
Of neural gia resulted in a twelve-pound
boy.-Bufalo Erpress.
A patent medicine advertiser says fat
is not conducive to long life. That is
so. A fat hog rarely lives through the
winter.-Tu1aer's Falls Reporter.
There wouldn't have been any milk
IN the cocoanut if some Of our dairy
men had the construction of it.-Ci1a-
cinnati Saturday Night.
The new snake-skin shoes that the
Paris women are wearing realize the
bruising of womans heel by the serpent.
philadelphia Bulletin.
"Hubism is assuredly intuitive. A
little Beacon street 4 year-Old asked his
aunt if she thought he could be as hap
by in heaven as in Boston.
The wise man placeth the stock of
his gun to his shoulder before he firetb,
but the fool looEeth down the barrel to
see the ball start.-ROnae Sentinel.
She was boss of q charity committee,
and naturally took calico quilt and a
secondhand saucepan to a family that
hadn't tasted food for three days.
care you ready to die?" asks tract
sent to this Office No, not yet; we
want to see how Ben. Butler makes it
down in Massachusetts, this fall.-Mns-
siAon Ohio) Independent.
eve don't know everything" re-
marked the professor, and we don't
find many that claim to, except now
and then one or two in the sophomore
class"
Seafaring person crushing to little
Todger, who has just proposed, and is
waiting for her answer: Was you the
gent, sir, as the steward said was took
bad?"
eyes," said lawyer who was de-
Tending murderer, " the prisoner at
the bar will prove an alibi. Gentlemen,
we shall prove that the murdered man
wasn't there"
Autumn poetry and opinions of emil
nent persons concerning yellow fever,
its probable cause and certain cure,
should be handed in before snow comes
if intended for publication.-Ne1U Orleans
Picaymae. ao..e ,..-.f as s
Parson (sternly )-"How could you
come to church to be married to man
in such a state as that?" Bride weep
ing)-"It was not my fault, sir. | never
can get him to come when he's sober"
Punch.
A painters apprentice fell off a scat
fold with pot Of paint in each hand.
He was taken up insensible, but as soon
as he was restored to consciousness he
murmured: ''Iiwent down with flying
colors, anyhow" III
"What does transatlantic mean,
mammal "Across the Atlantic, child.
Hold your tongue, and ask no more
questions," "sThen does transparent
mean a cross mammal" Has to for
felt her slate, and stand in the corner.)
A country sdamsel, describing her
first kiss, told her female friend that
she never knew how it happened, but
the last thing she remembered was a
sensation Of fighting for her breath in a
dollhouse full of violets; with ventilation
checked by blush-roses and tulips
A kind father of Southboro', Mass, a
man well to do, took his sick son to a
doctor last week, and told him if he
could cure the boy for less than the
cost of a funeral to go ahead, but if he
couldn't the youth must take his
chances.
Said the imperative Nobbs, as his
wife pettishly rushed from our presence,
and took the door with her as far as its
hinges would permit: "You may talk
of your Princess Slam-Slam or what
ever her name is, but what do yos think
of that for 9 flyer" saoa
We met farmer day or two ago,