The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-12-21
NUMBER 10.
PASSING SMILES.


praize the philosophers, but toss their
pennies into the caps of monkeys"
RHEUMATISM is frequently the result
of an overdose of moisture; in other
words, to be caught out in a pouring rain
often insures a roaring pain.
A PASSIONATE man should be re-
garded with the same caution as a
loaded blunderbuss, which may acct
dentally 60 of and do us an injury.
To enjoy life you should be little
miserable occasionally. Trouble, like
cayenne, is not very agreeable in itself,
but it gives great zest to other things
ONE of Joe Cooks lectures is concern
ing 1.-The Souls Laughter at Itself"
This is when the soul stoops in the twi-
light to pick up quarter and finds that
it is II gun-wad.
AUNT PRUDENCE, in the Pulaski
Democrat, says: There is not C particle
of satisfaction in telling man he is o
liar; for if he is he knows it, and il he
isn't who does the lying?
OVERHEARD on ferry boat: every
thing has gone wrong with A. L. Stew
arts affairs since his death. If the old
man had been alive the st. Marks
church-yard outrage never would have
occurred"
oLAsPED her tiny hand in mine; 1
vowed to shield her from the wind, and
from the worlds cold storms. She set
her beauteous eye on me, and, with her
little lips, said she, "An umbrella will
do rs we'll"
A SCOTCH parson said recently some
what sarcastically of a topper that he put
an enemy into his mouth to steal away
his brains, but that the enemy, after
thorough and protracted search, re-
turned without any.
THERE was period OF over one thou
sand years in the history of the world
when do RS had no keyholes, and citi-
zen could be seen feeling all over the
door without exciting the least suspi-
cion against his social standing.
IT seems. absurd 20 be 70 careful about
what we put into our mouths and to
leave chance to arrange what comes out
OF them; To be SO particular as to the
order Of what we eat, and to have no
order nj all in what We talk aboat.
THE following lisa copy Of an adver-
tisement in New Jersey journal: " To
be sold, one hundred and thirty suits in
law, the property of an eminent lawyer
about 10 retire from business Note.
The clients are rich and obstinate"
SPEAKING of dull times, wicked
Mobile man says that few weeks ago
stranger arrived there and bought
bale of cotton, and pleasant rumor was
at once started that the cot on-buyer
bad arrived, but it only proved to be
St. Louis man with he ear-ache.
PROFESSIONAL pomposity is well
taken off in the following anecdote:
Doctor Cooking learned, and speaking
slowly)-Well, mariner, which tooth do
you want extracted Is it molar or
incisor? Jack (short and sharp)-It is
in the upper tier, on the larboard side.
Bear hand, you swab, for it is nipping
my jaws like lobster.
SUSAN KING, of Harlem, New York,
recently saw in country paTer the fol-
lowing advertisement: How to get rich
"A rare secret--Send twenty-five cents
to George Fullerton, Box AIS, Portland,
Maine" Prompted by curiosity, she
forwarded the money, and received the
following reply: +" Work like the devil,
and never spend CENT?
A BARBER in Paris raised the price of
shaving when the Exposition opened.
On the day of closing, permanent
patron expressed the hope that he
would again fall to ante-Exposition
charges. Il should like to-" said the
barber, "but since the distribution of
prizes there are so many long faces that
/ really can not afford to do So"
CURIoUsLY enough, the Head of the
English Church and The Sworn De-
fender of its Faith, cones nearer than
any reigDing Sultan to being al-o the
head Of the Mohammedan world. Queen
Victoria has forty-fve millions of Mos
lem subjects, and the number constantly
increases by conversions.
AT one of the stations in Paris an old
lady is taking nap as the ticket office
is opened. A traveller seeing her asleep
approaches Madame, the train is
about to leave" ooh, that is all the
same to me-" "WhyY' 81 am not go
ing. come here every evening after
my dinner to see the faces people make
who miss the train" Amusement is
matter of taste.
THERE is a wealthy brewer in Mon
treal who built a church and inscribed
on it: '"This Church Was Erected by
Thomas Nelson at His Sole Expense
Hebrews, Xxx chapter" Some of the
McGill college wags got a ladder one
night and altered the inscription so as
to make it read "This Church Was
Erected By Thomas Malson at His Souls
Expense He brews (double) XXX"
A STRANGER in Montreal, being i'm
portuned by hackman, took a carriage
and babe the driver haste to police
station, where he had business. The
fare entered the building and remained
80 long that the cabman followed him
to make inquiries. He was pleased to
discover that his charterer bad just
obtained nights lodging as vagrant.
REV. JOSEPH Cook thus explains why
boy climbs a tree to steal apples:
"The apples are the objective natural
motive, the boys appetite is the subject
i've natural motive, his intention is his
moral motive" And to think that for
hundreds and thousands of years boys
have gone on stealing apples and getting
spanked for it just because they didn't
know this.
THE would-be suicide should hesitate
before the fatal draught is drunk the
pistol pointed, the rope adjusted, or the
blade barred. No one possessing the fine