The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-11-28
STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.

Vermont has a sheep with two mouths i
ought to be a tramp.
The Paris Exposition has closed, after havi n,
awarded First Premiums to all the pianos and
sewing-machines made.
"I want to kill King ~ shouted the man whit
attacked King Humbert, of Italy. Then VIII.
the deuce didn't you play the ace on it ?"
When Col. Ingersoll gives out. as the title OF
one of his lectures "Some Mistakes of Moses
has he any reference to Manton Marble?
Judge Gresham, of the United States Court in
indianapolis, gave President Hayes back-set
last week, for meddIing with the affairs of the
grandjury.
"Stewart's body has not been turned up,
read Thompson, In the paper. Thompson g
small boy remarked that he wished he could
say the same of his.
'Tis said that birds sing better when blind or
in the dark. If the same rule applied to human
beings what musical set the New York police
would be!
Yes, friends. we may all sneer about the
"mistakes of Col. Ingersoll," but we must bear
in mind that he gets two hundred and fifty
dollars night for his slight inaccuracies.
ssDe areny NV pollytics," said Uncle Pete. ais
a VERY dirty place, an no man can enter an
move about in it fur any lenth nv time, an
emarge in a state Nv cleanliness"
The most agonizing thing in the world is the
worry of Democratic politician about the in
terests of the taxpayers. Nothing approaches
it save the anxiety to get at their funds
Secretary schurz is laboring to convince the
American people that there is only one great
man in America. and he is Dutch refugee, by
the name n Carl SchurZ.
Jinkins says he got about half-shot the other
evening" and went with a College Crew, and
had a little row on the lake. Then he went
home late and had little row with the old
woman.
A new piece of music is called "The Language
of Love-" 'Tw ,uld be hard to set to music,
because it is 30 variable. We have known men
before marriage to address their companions
as "my DEAR" and after long years of welded
bliss they would say "you old stag ~
The King of italy was attacked, last week. by
cook, armed with dagger. The cook re-
marked that the didn't like kings - and when
King Humbert whacked him over the head
with his sword. he liked him less than ever.
All. how the world moves! Now, they say,
William Tell never shot an apple, in his life;
Grant never peddled chips in st Louis that
and next they will be claiming that Hayes
didn't resursect the Old Whig Party.
The next time a firm or corporation builds a
Savings Bank. 1t would be good plan to place
somewhere about the building. private en-
trance for thieves. This would avoid endau
gering the lives of the Cashier and Janitor, and
would make the funds about as safe as under
the present arrangements.
Attempts have been made upon the lives of
several of the Monarchs over the big water. 1t
is probable that the mania will come this way,
and the great men of America will pe placed In
danger. Country editors of Ohio, let us look
out for ourselves!
Now. they tell US, Butler will act with the
Democratic party. The Generals enemies,
having exhausted their vocabulary of epithets
now try to injure and Insult him by calling |
him Democrat. Is man necessarily DEM
ocrat, because he has been accused of stealing
spoons?
"At the Diplomatic Dinner, the President
will not have any wine-elass sitting by his
plate" II q "common man" would act that |
way, he would be strongly suspected OF jnst |
slipping down into the cellar, before going to
dinner, and taking in about two inches of old
Bourbon.
Deacon Prim was wearied with the cares of |
the week. and heard most of the sermon on |
Sunday one in dream. And when the |
minister said, in a little louder tone than usual,
sThe Son of Man cometh thief in the |
night" the Deacon roared out: "Shoot i'm
Shoot i'm Robberies are gittin' too frequent? |
That altogether good man, Deacon Richard
Smith writes some queer sentences sometimes.
In recent issue, speaking of a "walking |
mania, - among the women, the good man says:
.There were signs of 1t here about last summer.
after Bertha Won Hillern's exhibition of walk
ing, speed, and bottom" II the exhi-
bltion had only taken place on Sunday, the
Deacon would have attacked it as entirely
immoral.