Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1878-08-15
HUMOR OF THE HOUR.

The phonograph is an invention that speaks
for ITSELF
Fishing is mostly net profit keokuk Con-
stitution.
Apple-bee are sure to have core'-em.-
Yonkers Gazette.
Always room at the Fahrenheit in
Courier-Journal.
Where there's willow there's wave-
[Oil City Derrick.
Nice thing for hot day-A cool thousand
Oil City Derrick.
A good write hand-The paragrapher.-
Keokuk Constitution.
An appropriate town for saw-mills-Ripon.
-[Chicago Journal.
A scholarly drink-High School lemonade.
II -[Keokuk Constitution
would rather cruise in a jolly boat than
wall boat Danbury News.
We make our annual pertinent quotation
from Josh Billings: ''Darn fiji -
1.-THE Columbia crew." Well, why shouldn't
they crow.-New Haven Register.
There was heavy frost last night in the
Arctic region.-Norristown Herald.
Do not mistake peanut roaster for a pho
nograph.-[New Jersey Republican.
The Post has discovered that bay windows
make good harbors for little smacks.
Lost at sea-The boy who doesn't know his
alphabet past B.-Burlington Hawkeye.
The wages of sin (Ah Sin) are seventy-ive
cents for dozen pieces Boston Post.
The Albany IN. W Evening Journal pro-
nounces England Dizzy-headed nation.
Nowadays the first families do not per-
spire. They're all of a glow.-[Boston Post.
Now small boys fall from cherry limbs, and
thereby join the cherry -bims-Sweet Singer.
1t is no use objecting to the ''hot wave
All such objections must be waved if it comes.
Flies, flies, beautiful flies
You may smash one to death, but he never dies
Contentment is better than money, and just
about as scarce Cincinnati Breakfast Ia
BILE.
|, A quarrelsome Amazon, if in love, should
take one of her own sighs.-Ol City Der
rick.
GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN has gone back on
the peanut diet, and now eats 80 cent din
ners.
Trumpet players to the manner born hail
from ''Sax' orny," of course.-[London FL
garo.
Why is woodpecker like tramp? Ans.
Because he bores for his grub-BostOn
Globe.
Wild waves, what do you say ?.-Ex. Board
at the seaside four dollars day.-NOrristoWn
Herald.
The camp-meeting horn which sounds be-
fore breakfast is not the horn usually taken
by sinners.
Doesn't the baker encourage idleness when
he makes penny loaf p Cincinnati Satur-
day Night.
By accident, Boston paper lately headed
a marriage notice Ingenious Attempt to
Swindle.'
Muzzle your dogs. The muzzle OF seven
shooter is a good thing to do it with.-Guelph
(Ont.) Herald.
Do you know how fast the shad roes?-
[Graphic. No, my herring brother.-[ Phila-
delphia Bulletin.
What is really needed is five-cent cigar
that will consume it's own smOke.-LOuisville
Courier-J ournal.
Lo. the poor dog, whose untutored mind
shifts not the killer sneaking up behlnd!-
Hew Haven Register.
They have fashionable cremation society
in INDIANAPOLIS Its members belong to the
creme de l0 cremation.
A Chicago critic, on Delng snoWH !"nu
scape. said eyes, it smells like painting.
The artist dropped the curtain.
When the East River bridge is done, peo-
ple will call going to Brook lyn making the
grand tower" r"-Philade)pi Press
The opening of the summer season marks
the close of one of the longest ulster sessions
on record.-New Haven Register.
Possibly truthful sign on a cheap store:
Don't 20 anywhere else to be roboed-stay
right in here New York World.
When man unused to labor joins work
ingmans party, it is presumed ne IS working
for an ofice.-New Orleans Picayune
The young ladies at Vassar are not allowed
to have nets within the college, other than
the regular Professor.-Danbury News
Hop Bitters Taking your girl to chop,
and having some other fellow dance with her
continually Saturday Night
Medical examination "What is there be-
sides ether and chloroform to produce un-
consciousness 2" Visiting boy: "A club"
The Buffalo Erpress asks, in voice OF ex, X,
treme terror: "ls there blood on the moon {!
No, it's all in your eye.-Chicago Journal
Edgar Fawcett wishes that ''man could
make love like bird" He does. Edgar, ne
does like goose.-Burlington Hawkeye'
Before Russian officer registers at hotel
A1NNn