Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-03-08
AsHTABULA, OHIO, FRIDAY, MARCH s. 1878.

A lady of color once asked what the
tariff was to Portsmouth.
What Portsmouth? ?" asked the Ope-
Why, just Portsmouth"
What State is it in?"
The-United States"
Yes, but there are over thirty States
What particular one?"
" l never heard OF any Portsmouth but
The one"
And she looked like 1t.
After little questioning she spoke of
Richmond, and he concluded it was Vir-
ginia.
Seventy-fve cents for ten words
We'll, what's a word [ want to say,
Arrived safe, but my trunk hasn't come
on. Please forward it at once by ex-
press, care of Mrs. Julia johnson, with
out delay. I'll write as soon as ever l
have time Is that more than one
word ?"
He thought it was.
Not long since man stopped at the
little window of a branch Office in the
" Hub, the inhabitant evidently of
little sphere of his own, outside of which
he was lost in the mazes of life.
Is this the telegraph Officer" he
asked hesitatingly.
The young lady operator satisfied him
of this fact.
{" 1 want to telegraph" he proceeded,
growing confidential" l want to tele-
| graph to my wife and tell her I missed
the train"
"You viii have to write it on one of
those blanks" said the operator, coolly,
entirely unimpressed by the Ito the send
err exciting event.
"Oh, well-I guess you'd better write
it. l can't write p" evidently thinking it
necessary to establish this fact before
proceeding further), "but, " (fatteringly)
you can fix it up better than [ can. u
"Whom is the message going to?
asked the operator, as she armed herself
with pen and blank.
"To-my wife-in Providence" he
replied, with the most sublime indifer-
ence.
The operator looked at him doubtfuly.
"What is the address To whom is
the message going?"
The man eyed her with great astonish-
ment.
I told you," he said, raising his voice
as if he thought her afflicted with deaf
ness, " to my wife in Providence" /"
" I am afraid, the operator replied,
trying to speak ironically, "that the mes
sage might not be received if addressed
IN that way. Providence is small place,
know, but it might possibly go to some
other mans wife.
The story Of the Irishman who hung
his boots on the telegraphwire is laughed
at, but is not really believed any more
than many other tales of people
who imagine everything is transmitted
bodily over the wires. Yet parallel cases
are constantly occurring.
A young woman brought a letter,
.aled, directed to the same telegraph
olfice to be " telegraphed," she said.
Shall l open it ?" inquired the oper
ator, thinking perhaps the message was
inside.
The young woman looked insulted.
"0f course notr" 1t was to be I" tele-
graphed just as it was, of course.
aDOn't you send letters by telegraph
she asked, with her nose in the air.
The operator advised employing the
United States mail in the transmission,
and the young woman departed with evi-
dent impression that telegraph institutions
were all nothing more or less than
''frauds."
Another young woman came into the
Boston Office above mentioned. The In
eYitable {" 1 want to send a telegram"
brought the operator to the window,
whom, after explaining all the why's and
wherefores, and relating the family his
tory for the past three generations, she
dictated the message while the operator
wrote. When finished the young woman
took the document, scrawled in the Oper-
ator's third best handwriting-the
one that no one but herself could read'
examined it critically, pointed disdain-
Iully 10 splder-nKe WOru, as sue aSAeu'
"Wat's thatP' crossed a few is,
dotted a few is, rounded some o's, and
finally flung down the message angrily,
exclaiming to the wondering operator:
"John will never be able to read that; l
shall have to write it myself" And she
did.
A few months ago darkey came into
the Office at Bainbridge, Ga, and said ne
wanted to send an expatch to his girl.
Every vel" said the operator, reach
ing for blank. What do you want
to say to her?
"Now that's COO" " remarked the ebo-
ny customer. q 1 amt gwine to tell you
what to say to her; 1 amt no fool l
amt.
And he put his quarter back int his
vest pocket and marched off.