Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1878-07-17

/ vi OlIhtlS odLtllC.
Nice thing for a hot day-a coo
thousand.-Oil City Derrick.
Lost at seattle boy who doesn'
know his alphabet past B.-Bur
lington Hawkeye.
A quarrelsome Amazon, if il
love, should take one of her owl
sighs.--Oil City Derrick.
Now small boys fall from cherry
limbs, and thereby join the cherry
bims.-Sweet Singer.
Why is a woodpecl1er like {
tramp Because he bores for hi.
grub.-Boston Globe.
Edgar Fawcet wishes that "mar
could make love like a bird" Hc
does, Edgar, he does-like a goose
Burlington Hawkeye.
Hop bitters-taking your girl to
chop and having some other
fellow dance with her continually.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
An exchange estimates that the
"worst thing out is-out of cash."
One of the worst things out is get
out.-New Haven Register.
A Florida grocer has discovered
new way to keep thieves out of
his cellar. "There is q rattlesnake
in this cellar" is plackarded above
the door.
"What is faith 2" asked Sun
day school teacher of boy scholar.
He belonged to a baseball nine,
and replied. "Betting on left
handed pitcher"
A Sunday school boy of Mays
vile, Ky, was asked by the su-
perintendent if his father was a
Christian. "Yes, SIR" he replied,
"but he is not working at it much"
1--WE never saw man." says an
exchange, "who thought it a sin 20
steal an umbrella" Then you
never saw a man whose umbrella
had just been stolen.-New Haven
Register.
In the lobby Of an inn the fol-
lowing inscription is painted on the
wall IN conspicuous letters: "No
person will get credit for whisky
in this honse but those who pay
money down"
In the commencement exercises
of the Western Female High |
School, in Baltimore, the Rev. DR..
Wilson prayed: "Oh, God, grant
that not one of these young ladies
may he victims of unrequited love-"
The fate of a recent religious
newspaper enterprise in Chicago in
duces its proprietor to remark with
acerbity, "Now let the devil fore
close his mortgage on the town as
soon as he wants to-"
A little girl was reproved for
playing out doors with boys, and
informed that, being seven, she
was too big for that now. But,
with all imaginable innocence, she
replied: "Why, the bigger we grow
the better we like 'em."
The five Swarthmore girls who
were made bachelors of arts the
other day, are now going in for the
hearts of bachelors. The differ
ence between them aud poets, is
that they are not born, hut maid
Observation-Disclosures Bulletin.
Some people believe they can
think faster on railroad than any
where else, although it is the i'm
preston, we believe, of the De-
troit Free Press that man thinks
with greater rapidity during
steamboat explosion.--Traveler
Last year country editor offer
ed his paper one year for the
largest watermelon. The offer has
not been repeated this season. In
stead of doubling up his subscrip-
ton list by the grand scheme, the
melons did nothing but double up
the editor.
A man who, having lost heavily
in business, had become morose
and ill-natured, one day said to his
wife: ave must sell off some OF
our carriages; which shall 1t beT
"My DEAR responded the wife,
"you may do as you please so long
as you only get rid of the 'sulky'
and retain the 'soclable."