Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1878-06-21
Deacon BabbItt's PhOnOgraph.


Deacon Babbitt was progressive and enlightened in
He perused the Science Monthly and the Reviews on
Had cabinet % Of fossils, and some birds securely
gtuffed,
In his wood-6ouse chamber study where his pipe
was daily pufed,
1t would make an old-time farmer stare around as
To see the deacon churn and plOw, and cut his hay
by steam;
Pitch his hay aud thresh his barley with machinery
And call his help to dinner with a patent tele-
phone.
Thus the deacon bought each patent that could
work or walk or sing,
Till he heard the papers ravng of the very latest
thing:
machine to bottle language, a song, sigh, or
laugh;
Then the deacon he got crazy to possess a phono-
graph.
"why," said he "Jest think OF STORM up for fu-
ture generation
A prayer-meetin' or conference, 'twould be their
Or good old hymus these modern ones are jest as
Thurs no use talkin', must have patent phono-
graph"
And no one knows how much It cost-the deacon
had his way
huu Ou ulh sLuiy ldDlo stOOu Ouc
The deacon loaded it with hymns and pious odds
aud ends,
Then dNnnad his hat and sought the street to call
in sundry friends.
THE BOYS INTERVIEW 1T.
Johonilab, tho oldest son, had sought his brother
Green,
Aud they called in the hired man to view the new
machine
They danced and sung and turned the crank with
uncouth song and laugh,
Not knowing of the mystic powers of that same
phonograph.
They could not tell the purpose of the tinfoil on
the drum;
They threatened angrily to kick the thing to king
dom come.
at cannot dig, or plant, or sew, or do single
thing.n
Then they had war-dance round the room that
made the study ring.
THE DEACON BETURNETH.
The deacon found the elder with the work before
him spread,
But he made him leave his sermon at the forty
second head,
And down the street, his smoking-cap disrorted in
the wind,
His funny-hgured morning gown spread gaily out
behind.
Together they sought Deacon Smooth, q man of
Conservative in politics, religion and expense;
Just the opposite to Babbitt he stuck to good old
ways,
And he laughed at all inventions of these evil mod.
ern days.
But Deacon Babbitt walked erect with triumph in
his eye,
"He would show 'em an invention that would make
all skeptlcs dy :"
And he told them he had bottled good old "China .
and Mbank,"
And he guessed they'd stop their aughin' when they
heard him turn the crank.
On the table in the study all SO simple and Sc
rene,
Stood the very unpretentlous, but remarkable,
machine.
Then the deacon he explained to them the dia-
phragm and drum;
Grasped the handle, saying promptly, "Just you
bark to what's to come"
~ wonder what the derned old hog has been a.
The deacon dropped the handle, while the sweat
stood on his brow.
1.-THE thing is out of kilter, but guess I'll try
agin."
30, Keiser, don't you want dog ?" and " Betsy
likes her gin."
The elder donned his smoking-cap and started for
the door,
But Deacon Smooth winked slyly, saying he would
like some more;
But Babbitt gazed on the machine with looks OF
dark despair,
Then said he guessed he'd try again; he knew his
hymns were there.
He grasped the handle firmly, caring nothing fol
the noise
Of half dozen dancing hends with voices like his
boys;
Or shouted songs in melting tones of "I'm your
darling Jane"
And "Whoop it up, my hearty boys" Farewell tc
Mary Blaine"
But Deacon, Smooth had stood all conservative and
grand,
Until the wir-dance came along, and then he raised
his hand
Aud smote the phonograph blow that laid it Oh
A mass of wheels and broken springs, a thing o
life no more,
The elder ran down the stairs, his fingers in hi
ears,
Repeating Scripture to himself to quel his rising
fears,
And saying mildly to himself, "When man de
serts his sphere
And penetrates to hidden things, he'd better stanc
in fear"
But Decon Babbitt, good old man, will raise hi
head no more.
He sits and gazes sadly at the wreck upon tn
floor,
And tries to understand in vain without an explain
ation)
How some way in the management he lost the com
bination.
The boys at noon were curious about the new ma
chine,
But the deacon told them to "shut up" with sucl
wrathfu mien,
That not a word leaked out about the fatal morn
ings spree,
And Deacon Smooth, conservative, has scored
victory.
Utica IN. ~ Republican.