The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-12-26
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

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WINTER came in very Dec.-ently.
| A MILITARY outbreak-camp fever.
A NOTABLE affair-A picnic dinner
on the grass.
A PIMPLE is the coupon of a buck
wheat Wheeling Leader.
Do rURNPIKEs pay?-Kentmcky Neso
Era. No. they make others pay.
Who never saw cord of wood! The
average tramp.-GosoanaG Enterprise.
YOU'VE man, in beginning . court
ship, be sure you don't write, and then
60 ahead.
JUST remember that one of the great
est wags in the country is only dogs
tail.-N. Y. Nesos.
The Viceroy of India should remem-
Der that the best laid plans Afghan
agley.-LoweN Courier.
A BOY who had read of sailors heav-
ing up the anchor wanted to know if it
was sea-sickness made 'em do it.
EIGHTY THOUSAND head of cattle was
the present Texan cattle King gave
to his daughter on her marriage.
|
to see through it; but one must be con-
siderably reduced before he gets
through.
A YOUNG lady calls her fellow, who
is learning to waltz, Alexander, because
he longs for other whirls to conquer
Bradford Breeze.
The Whitehall Times wants to know
what kind of wood q sunbeam is made
OF. Almost any kind of light wood
do.-Grand Rapids Post.
In peace there's nothing so becomes
. man as modest stiffness and humility,
unless he is engaged in the life insur-
ance or some analogous business.
If good man dies q natural death
he is not likely to be remembered as a
hero. Let him be murdered by Indians
ana the conditions are changed.-N. O.
Picayspe.
RHEUMATIsM is frequently the result
OF an overdose of moisture; in other
words, to be caught out in q pouring
rain often insures a roaring pain
Yonkers Gazette.
NEW ORLEANS will continue to be
the capital Of Louisiana, the PROPOSE
ton to remove the seat of government
to Baton Rouge having been defeated
by some 5000 votes.
ANOTHER one of those things that no
fellow can find out is, why mans wife
thinks he cares nothing for preserves
and other choice dainties save when she
has company for supper.
ECONOMICAL towns in Vermont rush
their poor and friendless boys into the
State Reform School, thus transferring
to the State the expense and response
bility Of caring for them.-N. 7. World.
AFTER presenting our bill for last
years subscription TO one of our citi.
zens, seven times. he remarked, "Why
don't you 60 for these slippery fellows
firsta I'm good enough. "-Rcynolds-
villc Herald.
"POOR FELLOW! He died in povertyr'
said man of a person lately deceased.
THAT isn't anything" exclaimed a
seedy bystander. "Dying in poverty
is no hardship. It's living in poverty
that puts the thumbscrews on a fellow. !"
He was a countrym an, and he walked
along our busy thoroughfare and read
q sign over the door of manufacture
ing establishment, "Cast-Iron Sinks
1t made him mad. He said that any
fool ought to know Camden IN.
J.) Post.
FATHER" said an inquisitive boy,
"what is meant by close relations?''
"Close relations, my son." replied the
father, "are relations that never give
you q cent" The boy said the old
man, then, was the "closest' relation
he'd got.
| A GEORGIA horse-thief serving out
a tifteen-year sentence escaped the
other day, leaving a note to say that he
could have left at any time, but had
come to the conclusion to act honest
and work out a few years as a penance,
but as the sentence was so long his
heart failed him and he begged to be
excused.
GREAT ceremonies are necessary to
get train off in Germany. When all
is ready bell rings. Then another
bell rings. Then the engine whistles,
or rather toots-toots- to0ts gently. Then
the conductor tells the station-m aster
that all is ready. Then the station
master looks placidly around and says
"So?" Then the conductor shouts
"Fertig" interrogatively. Then the
station-master replies " Fertig!'' posi-
lively. Then the conductor blows a
horn; the engine whistles; the bell
rings; the other bell rings; the station
master says So?"-the passengers
swear in various tongues-and the
train starts. That is unless there is q
belated fat MANN which case they do
it all over again.-Roils0ay Ne'os.
He had returned to New York with
seaside, and he stood in front of the
house giving o friend graphic account
of the seasons pleasures. "Went in
bathing every day!' he exclaimed, en-
Enthusiastically. "Ahr' responded the
friend. "Wife 60 in too?" ooh, yes,
every dayr' said the returned vaca,
ZIONIST. "Can she swimP'' queried the
friend, with some interest. moo,
she can't" was the reply. "She tried
and tried to learn; but somehow she
didn't get tho hang of it. She said
she couldn't get the right kick, and I
let her think that was the reason; but
the fact was''-and here he looked up
at the house, and sunk his voice to q
hoarse whisper" she couldn't keep
her mouth shut long enough to take
four strokes before she'd have some
silly remark to make, when keswash!-
she'd swallow q whole wave and 20
plump to the bOttom!'-Fraak Leslie .
LADIES' Journal.
A Romance OF the Minstrel Stage.
AROMANCE of several years. duration
reached realistic chapter in this city
last week. While Emerson's Minstrels
were here it was observed by some of
the people who were lurking around
the doors of the Opera House, that
Homer, Treasurer of the company. who
acted in the capacity of ticket-agent
after the doors were opened, was con-
siderably disturbed, as gentleman es-
corting two ladies passed into the audi
forum. Mr.. Homer kept the party in
sight until they were comfortably seat
ed. Then he found y messenger and
dispatched note to one of the ladies.
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