St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-11-22
Squibs.

why don't you marry 2" said Pope
Alexander VII one day to Alacci, IL
brarian of the Vatican. $50 that, your
holiness, if an opportunity offers l NAV
enter the priesthood" "Well, then.
why don't you become priest ~ ii
don't, your holiness, in order that if an
opportunity presents itself may mar
ry we'll"
A newly welded couple from the
country went to smoky Pittsburg-of
all places in the world !-and for the
first time. in their lives saw and bought
some peanuts. "There, Mandy ~ ex-
claimed the bridegroom, after few
moments of vehement suction, 81
know'd we'd be sold /; Pve been suckin'
that darned thing fur five minutes, an
there amt bit of juice in it! Come
on, let's go !"
''Lend me your gold watch here is
my silver one" "What do you want
to do with it ?' "rm going to have my
photograph taken, and it would humil-
late me to give away my picture with
nothing but silver watch on"
Professor (blandly)-Mr. Y, how
did the mOnasteries acquire 50 much
wealth during the 18th century Soph-
OmOre (thOughtfully)-Well, | don't ex-
actly know sill, unless they passed
around the plate at both services.-Ac-
tG COLumbiand.
Madame v has a passion for al
ways dressing her daughter in clothes
that are IA great deal too large for her,
on the ground that she is still growing.
''My DEAR" said she, "yOu can't put on
that dress. 1t is worn out" what
pity 1t was just beginning to fit me-"
"Do you say your prayers regularly
every night and morning ?" asked a
sympathetic lady of little shoe-black
to whom she had just given trifle. "I
allus sez'um at night, mum; but any
smart boy can take care of hisself in the
daytime" was the little rogue's reply.
A full-bearded grandfather recently
had his beard shaved off, showing a
clean face for the first time for a num-
Der of years. At the dinner table his
three-years old grand daughter noticed
it, gazed long with wondering eve, and
finally calculated, Grandfather, whose
head you got on 9'
A little boy, weeping most piteously.
was interrupted by some unusual oc-
currence. He hushed his cries for Il
moment; the thought was broken.
"Ma,' said he, resuming his sniff1e,
what was | crying about just now ~
1t is an actual fact, demonstrated be-
yond doubt, that the sound of fiddle
in house will drive rats away. You
see the rats don't own any property and
can get away as well as not.-Detroit
Free Press. 8 ...
President Day used to tell of a neigh
boz into whose mind it was impossible
to cast a glimmer of logic or mental
philosophy. On one occasion he thought
he would get the Obtuse fellow to see
the truth of the metaphysical PROPOSE
ton, ''Man cannot do anything against
his will but all at once the man burst
out with this: "Oh, yes, he can! A
neigh6Or of mine went to prison against
his will only the day before yesterday ~
My DEAR" said to a five-years-old
one night as she concluded her PRAYER
at her mammals knee, "you have for
Cotton to pray for your little cousins.
How did that happenq Don't you want
our Heavenly Father to take care of
them 7" She made motion of again
bending her knees, yawned sleepily.
and tumbled into bed. "Can't helm If
mamma Baby is too tired Horace
and Eddie must scuffie for themselves
just this one night"
A squirrel saw a man late in the fall
without an. overcoat. Said he to Mrs.
Squirrel "GOiug to be mild winter
this year, Nancy; men go without over
coats.", Moral-1t is as easy for the
squirrel to tell what the weather will be
oy what the man wears, as for the man
oy what the squirrel wears.-.Boston
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