The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-11-15
VARIETIES.


the midst of life we are in debt" wasn't
much out of the way.
AN unsuccessful lover was asked by
what means he lost his divinity. "Alas y'
said he, 81 flattered her until she got too
proud to speak to me-"
The same backache which makes boy
howl when he's digging potatoes, wreathes
his face in smiles when he slips off the back
way to the pic mic. Boys are curious in
sects.
"A Kentucky editor says neighbor of
his is so lazy that when he works in the
garden he moves about so slowly that the
shade of his broad brimmed hat kills the
plants.
In the make up of the modern small
| boy there is altogether too much whistle to
the amount of boy. 1t is most too much
like using a two-quart funnel for three
ounce vial.
| When bridegroom finds all the clothes
he owns in the world one over the other on
a hook behind the pantry door, he realizes
for the first time that the honeymoon is
over.-An8reacS' Bazar.
"A sharp little girl in Chicago got out
of patience with her bashful lovers back
wardness, saying to him, 81 really believe
you are afraid to ask me to marry you, for
you know would say yes"
"A thousand dollars in gold weighs four
pounds dead weight, and that's the reason
we don't carry it around in our pockets
| We have enough of burdens to bear without
this Cincinnati BREAKFAST Table,
"A most worthy man, unaccustomed to
public speaking, being suddenly called
upon to address Sunday school, rose to
his feet, and, after vainly struggling for
utterance, at last hoarsely muttered, Dear
children, don't ever play with powder"
AN old woman was asked what she
thought of one of her neighbors of the
name of Jones, and with knowing look
replied: "Why, don't like to say any
thing about my neighbors, but, as to Mr..
Jones, sometimes l think, and tuen again
don't know, but, after all, / rather guess
he'll turn out to be good deal such sort
of man as | take him to be! 7"
"A gentleman riding came to the edge
of morass which he considered not safe.
Seeing pleasant lad he asked whether the
bog was hard at the bottom. 20, yes,
quite hard" replied the youth. The gen.
tIeman rode on and the horse began to sink.
"You rascal" shouted he, "did you not say
it was hard at the bottom2" $50 it is" re-
joined the rogue, "but you are not half way
to it yet"
"A gray hair was espicd among the ra-
ven locks ola charming young lady. ooh,
pray pull it out! !" she exclaimed. "If |
pull it out ten more will come to the funer-
AL" replied the one who had made the un-
fortunate discovery "Pluck it out never
theless," said the dark haired damsel; otis
no consequence how many come to the
funeral provided they all come in black"
The champion long nosed man resides
at Sacramento. Its owner was at breakfast
yesterday, when friend seated on the OPP
posite side of the table, knowing him to be
little near-sighted, remarked, "There's a
fly on the end of your nose" as there 2"
responded the owner of the horn of plenty.
81 didn't know it. Just please scare him
off; you're nearer to him than amp
Not long ago, as an elderly couple
were out walking, lady on the opposite
side of the street tripped and fell down.
The old gentleman rushed across the street,
raised his hat, and offered to assist her in
any possible way. His wife followed him
across at a slow pace, and witnessing his
devotion to the stranger, she got mad and
shook her fist at him. otis all right-it's
all right" he whispered. Eyes, know it
is" she holly exclaimed, "here an unknown
woman stubs her toe, and you pillow across
the street to eat her up with kindness
The other day when l fell down stairs you
stood and laughed and chuckled and tick
led your ribs, and wanted to know if was
practicng for circus !"
DR.. "Charles Judkins, says the Gin
cinnati Saturday Might, is one of the most
generous hearted physicians in the city, as
he is one of the most skillful, but he does
get tired occasionally of charging up ac-
counts on his books that are never settled.
The other day stranger came to him to be
treated for rheumatism. He said he had
had it, "off and on" for twelve years.
He hadn't any money, he said, but he ex-
pected some next week, and would call and
pay. you've had the rheumatism twelve
years, you say ?" asked the doctor. Yes,
twelve long, weary years." And you'll
have some money next week 2" Eyes, sir,
next week, sure" "Well," returned the
doctor, IF you've had the rheumatism
twelve years, reckon another week won't
| hurt you much. Come next week, when
you've the money" The man never "got
around"