Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1878-12-05
NO.. 3
ALL SORTS.

1ue western WIS now call Olgamy OtaQ-
| liZing the female sex.
Best thing to do when you go shopping
with ladies-Take notes.
A mans ambition is to be credited with
some great feat, while woman is only happy
with small feet And so we 60.
Too much balcony, and not enough Romeo,
is what is sending thousands of Americas 8
fair daughters to an early grave.
Short sleeves are in order, but you cannot
make the girl with mole on her arm admit
that she thinks the style is good one.
SURGEONS weighing 1000 pounds, caught
in Snake river, are being carved up and sold
in the Boise City market.
Webb Hayes Fremont girl lives two miles
out of town, and many Sunday night has
Webb-footed it out there to see his little
duck.
She was stubborn woman, and when she
died her husband planted willow over her
grave, so that even in death she might have q
willow f her own.
The School ol-Board-Mistress: '.Now, Mary,
you will see that the work is all properly done
in time p Mary: "Yes, ma'am, if nothing
should intervene to impede"
A woman, hearing great deal about ''pre-
serving autumn-leaves," put up some; but
afterwards told neighbor they were not fit
to eat, and she might as well have thrown
her sugar away.
ALBANY Journal: Harriet Hosmer has dis
covered how to change limestone into marble.
Now, if Harriet would only discover how to
change Marble into-what would you like to
be changed into, Moses? A weeping willow?
A night blooming serious?
CHEESE is to be added to the army rations.
The allowance is to be four ounces per diem,
and 2, 100, 900 pounds will be required. This
we regard as the most economical move the
Government has ever made. Cheese always
carries it's own transportation.
A gentleman, being threatened with an in
fectious fever, said to his little son, who in
an affectionate mood wished to embrace him,
''You mustn't hug me; you'll catch thefever."
Willie, standing back, looked with amaze
ment upon his papa, who, by the way. is a
pattern of propriety, and quickly asked,
'Why, papa, who did you hug?"
Formerly the southern States elected seven
tY-six members of congress for themselves,
and eighteen to represent their slaves. Now
that the slaves are freemen, with all their
rights guaranteed by the constitution, the
former masters still return the seventy-six
for themselves, and in addition
elect thirty members for the black people
thus relieving the emancipated and enfran-
chised millions from the onerous duties of
Chicago Inter- Ocean: Will the Democra-
tic party of the Solid South take note of
the ''stlll small voice. on Tuesday? This is
only the prelude. While the commercial
of the nation is going to be
4hnl <o~ <1,or~
rights of the newly enfranchised citizens of
cations, with trained blood-hounds to hunt
lown men who dare to express political SEN
iment at the ballot-box, will yet be found
he most costly venture the South has ever
in.
GEN. Crook. who is more practical than
elegant says of the Indians: '"Ihe great mis-
take made is to commence to administer to
heir spiritual wants before securing their
physical wants. An Indian whose whole
ife is given to the problem of how to live
md how to protect himself from the aggres-
ions of others, wants something more than
mere assurance of the benefits arising from
adopting our religion. 1t is hard to get an
indian to adopt our religion on an empty
tomach. An Indian would have q very
,oor opinion of a God who couldn't keep his
,elly full"
UTICA Herald: The 'ssolid South con-
inues to lay Goals of fire on the Northern
errapin's back. They have counted out
)'Hara, Republican member of Congress
lect from North Carolina, and are doing the
anne for Martin. The North is close OBJ
erver, and is getting madder and madder all
be time. Next year she will sweep every
'tate North from the Aroostook to the Col
mbia River, Indiana and all. If there are
'igger political fools in the world than the
|outhern Democracy they are their Northern
Democratic slaves. It is we'll for them to
~ on the stripes thick. 1t helps us more
han we could help ourselves.
FROM accounts received, the Canvass of
Co.." John T. Crisp, regular Democratic
ominee for Congress in the Eighth Missouri
District was picturesque. He was beaten
y his Independent competitor. Crisp made
ITS of noise and show and wherever he went,
there was brass band or local Boanerges
, be obtained, or q saloon where drinks
ould be set up in battalions, all these re-
ources were enlisted. II am the roamer of
le Jungle" he cries, ''and shake the solid
arth in my anger; am terror in the jungle,
ut can purr them as gentle as any tiger-cat.
ardon me, my friends" he said, clasping
is hand to his side, ''but that wound re-
eived in the war, fighting for your liberties,
very painful at times. Gle was never
ounded.) At other times he would sit down
uring the delivery of speech, saying: Eel
'w-citizens, l have not slept for four days
nd nights. Theee old wounds are trouble
,me; but the pain they cause me is nothing
ompared to the sorrow feel for those mis-
aided Democrats who have gone off from
70 party