Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-07-12


| The oung man shroke farewell;
The maiden scrome a scream and died,
And went straight down TO Heaven.
Exchange.
\ Young Oil Citizen calls his sweetheart
Revenge, because she is sweet. oil City
Derrick. And a young married man on
South Hills calls his mother-in-law Delay,
because she is dangerous. Burdette. And
a South End man calls his wife Fact because
she is stubborn thing Boston Globe.
A Ruby Hill woman bought separation
| from her husband the other day for $50. The
man signed the papers ill Eureka and took
the money. When the poor woman went
home at night, the brute was drunk in bed
and the money all gone. The woman thin Ks
he doesn't separate worth cent. i Eureka
New Republican.
On Sunday night Mr.. Blivins was quite as
| tonished to find a young man with fierce
mustache in the company Of his daughter IN
the front parlor, and the gas turned low. and
| inquired Indignantly What are you do
ing here. sir q Hist = WAS the reply Of
the youth in d warning voice. Not word.
or all is lost. l am a et-Service Agent OF
the Russian Government
| There is nothing more bewilderingly en-
| barrassing than alter formal call to open u
| closet door for an exit, and walk into row
Of dresses before you know where you are
| [Brooklyn Union-Argusl. In this benighted
/ region people don't usually hang up their
dresses when they receive formal calls. But
We remember now that the rules OF Brook
lyn socisty are very peculiar. / Philadelphia
| Bulletin.
Young lady doubtful about the road) :;
"Wiil there be bridge by aud by across a
little brook 2" Small rustic "Wal J dun
no bout by'n by but there's one there
now"
4 circus band may toot III front Of a news
paper office for hours, but that doesn't make
up Tor the failure to liquidate an advertising
bill. Cincinnati Saturday Night No, it Is
a miserable substitoot I Philadelphia Bull
letin.
1t was pitiiul to hear a veteran of the late
eccentricity, after decorating his left leg yes
terday and drinking to the health OF his
right. e2claiming '' Rah for the glue and
bray" He wanted TO cement things. II Ny
cum Advertiser.
Twas ev 'ning-he was standing BY pond,
lie was lstnins to BatrschIsn carouseIs
Opal shaded was the frmament hey ond,
Rather lighter the complexion OF his uousers.
Perched quiet on the margin wssa boy,
lie was playing with a specimen Of granite.
Cogita ting Of the quantity OF JOY
Ii would give him Tor to spin lt-so he span II.
There were divers coruscs,ions o! the water.
With sort Uf erysip'lAs on the trousers,
And an urch:n skipping ior another quarter
And the cusses-Oh the eussts! tLey were rous-
ere. -TOnker' s1raie.
Chicago grocer refused to trust a citizen
Tor pound OF coffee because he had seen
him borrow a chew of tobacco, and reasoned
that such recklessness would soon bankrupt
him.
The King OF Greece puts on u disguise and
slips around TO the billiard rooms and beats
the boys out of their hard earned quarters
with the utmost grace and rromptness.-LD De-
troit Free Press.
1t is a mistake to suppose that the cavalry
wear the spur Of the moment that his Sa-
tanic Majesty is any relation TO the Nick of
Time that dewey Eve was the wife of Ad-
am that conscience makes cow-h herds of us
all that levity is the soul OF wit that IA
miliarity breeds contempt OF court
A well known actress being asked her age,
frankly replied Il Lave iour ages the
family archieves unfortunately proclaim that
l am fifty by daylight pass Tor thirty-six
by gasligh; not more than thirty, and with
all my war paint on, IN soft light and no
rude glare pass for five-and-twenty'
1t was very aTtless, certainly. in the young
girl, and very truthful also. Mary said
her critical parent, who for some reason OBJ
jected to cosmetics. why do you use paint"
She archly replied to her paternal relative.
who happened to be musician, well, faith
er for the same reason that you use rosin-
to help me draw my beau
TIRED wOAAs's LAsI WORDS
Here lies an old woml IN who Away was tired
FJr she lived in a house whero help wasn't hired.
Her last words on earth were Dear friends,
am going
Wher3 washing amt done. nor ehurnlng, nor sew
And every thing there will DO jusi to my wishes,
For where they don't eat there's no washing Oi
dishes.
m be where loud anthems will always he ringing
But. having Nc voice, IN get rid Of the singing.
Don't mourn for now, and mourn for me never.
For Ini going To do nothing forever and ever.
The editors is a most fascinating employ
ment. does not require any previous educa-
ton or preparation, and pays enormously.
The principal occupation of leading editors
is to receive enormous bribes for leading ar
tices to attend theatres concerts and other
places OF public resort. occupying the best
places, of course, and to inform political
leaders how they should regulate affairs. As
sistant editors and reporters. who are scarce
at $3.50 a week. generally work four hours IA
day when they are not away on vacations,
have free passes everywhere, and the plea
sure OF their company is contended for by
the ,iite Of the city.
The return of General Fremont to public
life has prompted the newspapers to recall n
speech of his on the Pacific coast in which
occurs the interesting piece of biographical
information Il came 10 this country with
out cent and now | leave 1t owing 81. 000-
900" This recalls the remark made to the
Mayor Of Chicago by one OF hi5 fellow-citl-
zens who had lost everything in the grea
FIRE The west, the west. your honor, ia
the place for young man who would get on.
Look at me i came to Chicago twenty years
ago without rag to my back. and now | am
all covered with them"
SERMON TO A TH.MP. The sermon
preached to tramps last Sunday 10y Vim. W.
Forsyth. OF Rhode Island is one they can