The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-02-16
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Paterfamilias, counting the cash, agrees with
the almanac makers that these days the
shortest Of the year.
A farmer on the fever and ague marshes OF
New Jersey has named his daughter 80 Malaria. -
She Will doubtless be great shakes OF a girl.
Prof Swing says - The rock of poverty
looks cold and hard, but within is a Jasper.
L., eh? Won't he please smash that rock and
forward the jasper?
Mr.. Sutton, weII-knOwn professional base
ball player was converted at revival meeting
in Philadelphia not long ago. He rose to ad-
dress the meeting, and said - have made
the first base, and by the help Of the Lord will
make home run"
- The Temperance cause is moving on said
a sprighty reformer at q recent meeting.
- Glad of it," gr0wled a red-nosed person on
one Of tlir back =ca;= - It's been hangin around
here long enough
young girl put her name and address in
q bottle and threw the bottle in the Ohio river.
After many days n young man found the same
and a marriage will result. And now the
Paducah NeIos fears that the navigation of the
river will be impeded directly.
MUsT BE KEPT Busy Mamma asked a
little lady up town, - does God write all the
wicked things people do, in big book - - Yes,
dear" said the mamma, - The Bible says lie
keeps account of them all. - - Then, mamma,
continued the little one, thoughtfully, % how
very busy God must be -
Eastern paper 50 1t is a very unclerical
practice, and | must say, very uncleanly one.
Tobacco Why, sir, even n hog would not
smoke it, :. Doctor C replied to his amused
listener, 9 do you smoke tobacco ?' Il? No,
sir" he answered, grufiy, with great indigna-
tiOn. 80 Then, pray, who is the hog, you or
I?''
The Baptists and MethOdists of Philadelphia
are going to try the efficacy of prayer on hard
4 times. the 10th Of January; but the irreyerent
New York Herald meets them with this conun-
drum 50 Congress again reassembles on that
day, and what IS the use OF praying while it is
in session? ?" More than at any other time
to watch and pray-partcularly watch.
Reform has reach Iowa. The Ha,ckeye says:
Twenty OF the best young IN Burlington
have handed themselves together and bound
themselves firmly by terrible oath, never
to pay more than 81 for a pin-cushiOn made of
curtain calico and stuffed with bran, at any
time this wiEtsr, matter what missionary
society manufactures the pin-cushion.
Boston Globe - The funniest thing at the
Atlantic dinner to the way in which
Emerson held his cigar. He poised it gently
between his thumb and forefnger, and slipped
it fastidiously, with an air of the greatest
respect. Mark Twain smoked a pipe after
he had got of his speech.
.sWhen q Boston girl accepts lover she
says, Beans it's you, yes '"-He's York
lover she says, Gents it's you, yes '''-BOstOn
AdrTtIser. ...
Burlington C0rk-Eye:
In the swee-heat
By-high by high
We shall me.heat on that
Beau-hoo-ty-fOol show-her
|'Do those bells sound an alarm of fire %
said stranger the other Sunday, the church
bells were calling together the worshippers.
" Yes," was the reply, '' but the fire is in the
next world --
The cable sadly announced, the other day,
.' The Pope has had another chill" And now
the patent inside papers of Iowa joyfully declare
that the Pope has another child The Holy
Father is justified in all his anathemas against
type.
4 pickering pair OF Quakers were heard
in high controversy, the husband exclaiming,
- am determined to have quiet week with
thee 80 - But how wilt thou get it?'' said the
taunting spouse, in that Feiteration which
ma "ried ladies so proyOkingly indulge in. II
f.1lI keep thee week after thou art dead,''
was the Quaker's rejOinder.
Two EPITAPHs-In Chatham churchyard by
husband on the death of his wives On the
first 80 The Lord gave and the Lord hath
taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord
On the secOnd-'' called upon the Lord and
He heard me and delivered me from all nv
troubles
A Kentucky preacher rose to speak, and
opened the Bible. The first verse that met his
eye happened to be IS The voice of the turtle
shall be heard In the land - Bretheringr
said he, - at first sight one would think there
was not much in that tex but Or a little con-
sideratiOn, you will there's great deal in
it. Now, you all know what a turtle is ? If
you've been along by q pond, you have seen
them on log summing themselves. Now it is
SAID, Ihe voice OF the turtle shall be heard in
the land But the turtle hasn't any voice that
the land ever heard SO it must be the noise
he made In Plunging off the log into the water.
Hence, we conclude that immersion must be-
come universal.
APropos of the enormous thefts of timber
from government lands, to which Secretary
q nehurz makes reference in his report, an Iowa
paper teHs the little story " We are reminded
oi Methodist conference which was held at an
carry day IN this state. A minister who had
just come into the country and who was the |
Possessor OF stOVepipe hat and a broad-coth |
Noat got the floor and said I: am against |
..tteahng IA every shape, and therefore move |
Ine adoption of the following resolution Re-
- mat IA the opinion Of this conference |
~ JUST as sinful to steal government timber |
o. Sny other kind of property minister
. SAs dressed in hOmespun suit arose in |
Sat haste and said 1t is evident that the |
coo'her who introduced this resolution is a new
t. 4 aud does not nov the wants and necessf- |
Intion TINS eommun Y. 1 move tnat the reso- |
II NJ. oe laid on tn table, and on he table |