The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-11-07
WHOLE NO. 1887.
Miscellaneous.

Why is it people boot a. dog and shoe
hen?
Is larkspur perennial? No; but cats
purr is. .'
The Colorado mail always arrives on
time when the carriers are chased by In
dians. r.-..
Economy is wealth Even the stove
pipe is coming out with its last winters
soot
Can / see you home p asked a rustic
beau of pretty girl. Yes" she replied,
''if it's not too dark when we get there"
Because tailor sits on his own feet,
does it follow that he is cornseated
MANI
The compositor who made it read, I'm
the midst of life we are in debt" wasn't
much out of the way
THAT boy will make his mark in the
world some day, said parent Of his
dullest child q So he did He never
learned to write. ..t...... .taa
| There is a lawyer down East so exces-
| sively honest that be puts all his flower
that every thing shall have Its dew.
1t should never be forgotten-it is not
forgotten by tax payers-tbat the entire
national debt is the direct result of the
Democratic rebellion.
Col. Bob Ingersoll lectures on Burns.
His lecture is said To abound in scores of
excellent remedies for those unfortunate
accidents. r.
is that dog of yours a cross breedY'
asked a gentleman, recently, OF a coun-
tryman. No sir was his reply His
mother AS gentle, afectionate cretur.
This is the season of the year when a
Goldfish cake will do more to coax a man
out oi bed than whole volume OF wiiely
persuasion. es
The general feeling of relief at the ap-
proach OF a rest from base ball. will be
neutralized by the return of the season
of Joseph Cook. -----.s4
Hugging does not always denote affec.
tion; for the man who embraces lamp.
post only does it for support, and fnds
there's no sport in it. h-
Give the devil his due" is all very
well for proverb but there are lots of
men around who would not be here il
the settlement was required at once; w
"Dere vas only leetle difference be
tween US" said burly Teuton who had
just horsewhipped another II was OK
hided and he was cowhided-dot's all. +"
Ingersoll chooses very warm subjects
for his lectures. Last year it was he,
this year it is Burns, and next year he
will probably tell US something about
Skalds. .,..
There is something nice about the bal
ance Of trade. A worthy farmer who
comes into town loaded with new wheat
almost every day goes home loaded with
old rye.
Where is my angel? asks a poet.
Ten to one she is lying on lounge read
ing a sensational novel. while her mother
is trying slap jacks tor supper in the
kitchen Poets "angels" are that char
acter of girls. u
What does Good Friday mean2"
asked one schoolboy OF another. You
had better 90 home and read your Rob.
inson Crusoe, was the withering reply.
II am inclined to believe" said Top
to a lady who had refused to sing, you
are fishing for compliments" "Oh nc"
replied she. Il never fish in so shallow
a stream"
A prosy, tedious Congressman said to
Henry Clay: You speak, sir; tor the
present generation but speak for pos
teritY." Yes, replied Clay, "and it
seems you are resolved to speak until
your audience arrive" ... .st
Fall poetry mills have now started up
on full time and halt pay. Our waste
baskets have been enlarged. and We fire
up at daylight Send in your contrlbu-
tions well saturated with kerosene.
Find out your child's specially, is the
earnest advice of phrenologist. We
have tried this and find il not so easy
Sometimes rock candy seems to be the
tavorite, and then again there is n marked
tendency to tatfy
He was countrymau and he walked
along our busy ttorouuhiare aud read
sign over the door OF a manufacturing es-
tabiishment, Cast Iron sinks l. made
him mad He said that any tool ought
to know that
The art of printing will never be com
plete till Prof Edison. or some one else,
ears the shrill whistle that escapes a
young husbands lips when he first learns
that his wife has twins
Mortal man can never compute how
deeply the potato crop has suffered dur
ing the past Summer by the spontaneous
eruption OF financiers, who felt that the
nation required their services to lift it
from the slough of despond.
When it was written, Thou shalt not
swear it is likely that no account was
taken of the young man who is over
desire to blow his nose, and finds that he
has left his handkerchief at home:
"Is there no mint in Philadelphia 2"
asks the Burlington Hawkeye. There is
mint there; also sugar; but unless you
are willing to prevaricate and tell the
barkeeper you are Pennsylvania editor
you will find no trust there. r
We respectfully decline the poem en-
titled Loves Tears are Tears that New
er, Never Dry" Never is long time,
and if the writer is as damp as her poem
it would be a good idea to run both au.
thoress and production through wiring
er.
1t was left for the Elmira Gazette to
discover that The prominent religious
features in some mems devotion is the
amount of noise they make in yelling
amen 7 and the extreme silence they as
sumo when asked how much they will
give towards some charitable object"
JOHNNY who goes to the new natural