Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-11-27
The Wits Column.


The Wits Column.
A perspicuous Vermont legislator
said in speech: Ny wife, who is
married womanW
A country editor in Illinois writes:
ave are having hog cholera. "-New Or
leans Picayu,ae.
There ought to be lightning-rod in
vented that would ward off donation
party.-Mihnaukee Sun.
Ypsilanti, Mich, is one Of the few Of
the immortal American towns that
can't poke fun at the Afghanistan war
names.-OI City Derrick.
The swollen brooklet murmers louder;
All songless fit the feathery troop;
The clam, departed from the chowder,
Leaves but a poor potato soop.-Puck.
A little fellow began to maui and
tease the family cat, in the blind hope
of turning her into the maul-tease va
riety.-1ur,aer's Falls Reporter.
Just because an Indian won't be de-
cent and starve to death quietly, Mr..
Smiley, who has a bad cold, says
he is ''nomad at all.-NeaU Haven Reals
ter.
The following classical poser is sub
mltted for college boating clubs: Did
Leander swim the Hellespout or did
Hero ?-NeaO York Commercial A duertisef.
William Augustus to sleepy room
mate: "Come, John Henry, why
don't you get up with the lark, as [ Go p
John Henry, grimly: "Been up with
him all night
No, reader, no. That fishery award
is not to compensate England for al
lowing the daughter of our Goldfish
aristocracy to fish in that country for
titled but pennlless husbands.-Phaa-
delpbia C7aronice-Herald.
The civilized Indians Of the Cherokee
Nation are organizing a brass band, SO
there will be no further use for the quo
tation: "Lo, the poor Indian, whose
un-toot-ored mind Jersey City Jour-
nal.
"Td like you to help me little" said
vagrant, poking his head into a coun-
try store. "Why don't you help your
self?' said the proprietor. "Thank
you, WILL" said the tramp, picking up
a bottle of pickles and two ioaves Of
bread, and then vanishing. 10
The following startling announce
ment was given out by the parish clerk
in small church in Sumersetshine,
England: 81 gees notice mex Sunday
there Wun't be no Sunday, cause Rec
tors goin' to t'other parish fishin." By
this the accustomed congregation I'M
derstood that the clergyman would be
officiating a few miles off.
A New York ''modiste" has written
pamphlet on the Cart of Dressing
That isn't the book the times demand.
What the young men who come home
at 2:15 A. M. want is lucid instructions
in the art of undressing. And if such
work could be supplemented with
few hints on practical methods Of dis
tinguishing the foot of the bed from the
end where the pillows are, it would
have an immense sale.-Burkngt0ra
Haukeye. ..- ., ..-.....-
President Day used to tell of a neigh
Dor into whose mind it was impossible
to cast a Gin of logic or mental
philosophy. On one occasion he thought
he would get the obtuse fellow to see
the truth of the metaphysical PROPOSE
ton, "Man cannot do anything against
his WILL" but ali at once the man burst
out with this: ooh, yes, he can! A
neighbor of mine went to prison against
his will only the day before yesterday"
We have received large paper de-
voted "to the interests Of agents and
canvassers." Now hear US. We immor-
tai gods, that roost on high Olympus,
These people may be able to own and
control a sixteen-page newspaper, but
the old double barreled shotgun, loaded
with slugs and ten-penny nails, standing
within easy reach of this table, is all
our own.-OH City Derrick. -
iii: He caught cold, horrid cold,
| tGhey do who go a-fShinO
Esd And this accounts for what would els.
| - Have sent MIN to perdltiOn,
| For when neghbor kindly asked,
/ With voice sweet as tOfy,
/ did lava pleasant timer" he said,
r- Well, yes, little coughyl"
--Yoaksrs Gazette.
A man called in last night and an
nounced that he had just arrived from
the west. And what he wanted to say
was that he had the pleasure of seeing
a sleeping-car porter crawl under the
lower berth, take up the carpet, remove
the planks from the floor, rip open the
mattress, rend the pillow to pieces, tear
the stuffing out OF the seats, and then
shake the bed-clothes, in his efforts to
steal his boots, black them, and levy an
assessment of 20 cents on him the next
morning. The passenger laughed so
hard he could be heard block off as
The explained that he pulled pair of
stockings over his boots and went to
bed with them on his feet. Every day
something turns up that causes us to
lose faith in human nature.-Tokdo
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