The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-07-04
Wit and Humor.

greatness thrust upon them, and some are
natives of Ohlo.-Uourier-Jou Journal.
THE medallion on the new silver dol
lar is said to be an excellent profile like
ness of Mrs. Edison. This is, of course,
funny graph.
"PAPER, sir2" asked the newsboy.
"No, never read, was the blunt answer.
"Hi, boys, come here" called out the
gamin; "here's man as is practisin' for
the jury"
A BRIDGEPoRT man has been twenty
years perfecting machine to enable him
to fly over Niagara Falls. 1t would have
been cheaper, we think, to have taken to
the bridge.
"QUI s'E1CUsE s'ACCUsE." - Officer
Visiting rounds, midnight) to sentry !:
Chow is it you did not challenge us2"
Private: "Sure, sir, did not know who
you were"
"BEa pardon, madam, for stepping on
your train" said fop at ball, then
added, ''you ought to have a cow-catcher
on it," And l would have caught a
calf" said the lady.
as there any danger of the supply of
fuel becoming exhausted ?" asks scien-
titic writer. If he lives in close neigh
borhood, and don't keep his coal house
locked, we should think there is.
SwELL-"I want you to make me
short coat, without tails or seams in the
back. Do you know what 1 meanr'
German tailor-"Yaas, yaas, l know
vat you want. You want straight
jacket"
A BEAUTIFUL little Brookline girl, be-
ing reproved the other day by her elder
sister for using slang expression, sharp
ly retorted: swell, it you went into So
oiety more you would hear slang
Brookiine Chronicle.
A YOUNG lady who is doing the Alps
reports progress to her guardian: Il
tried yesterday to climb the Matterhorn
didn't near reach the top. 1t is absurdly
high-everythng is in this country
please send me s."
II SHALL not go to the masquerade uu-
less I'm Masked said a young man to his
companion, as they were promenading up
Main street Monday eveNing. 81 shall
not unless Tn asked, either" she re-
pllcu' hc tooh liiS hiil auu iuNitSu Hod
on the spot.
He was fully six feet tall, yet he
Strengthened up and exclaimed, "Talking
of short men, look at mel" And no one
could tell what he meant until he turned
both pockets wrong side ont and gasped,
"Who is there in the crowd that'll lend
me quarter"
BILL-"I say, Mary, run and ask julie
to come and play with US" Mary-"You
know, Bill, mother says you amt to call
him Jule-his names julius Bill
"Well, what does she call me Bill for
thenl | shan't call him Julius until sh.
calls me Bilious
A RENSSELAER, Gnd) clerk mesmer-
lied servant-girl, and no one could get
her to her senses again for twenty-four
hours. When she came to she told the
astonished spectators she had "heard all
they said, but was unable to do any
thing" The same old trouble. Every
servant girl is subject to it.
CHEAP ENoUGH.-Our prices for pub
fishing original poetry are as follows;
Very good-Gratis.
Medium-Ten cents per line.
Common-Twenty cents per line.
Bad-Not any price.
Very bad-In advertising columns at
card rates.
Horrible (such as will make people
laugh)-Gratis.-New Orleans Times.
The enthusiasm of Jones was awful,
especially to Brown, who had to listen to
it by the yard and hour. "What can
dot" perforated the enthusiastic one.
"What, o WHAT My Julia is beauteous-
angelic divine! Cupid they say is blind.
True, am blind, know it; but under
the circumstances, what, o what, can |
DOR Brown sugared his third tumbler
with sweet care, and got good light to
his fourth regalia, then be spoke: "Well,
JONES'" said Brown, "if, AS you say, you
are blind, say, marry Miss Julia; that
will be sure to open your eyes"
BEING thrown in company with the
Governor, we made pass at him with
one of our best, and received in return
the following: "You don't remember
old RI No; he left this country be-
fore you came. He was stone mason
by trade, and operated all over the coun-
try. About the time Dewey's Bank
failed, met him at little gathering in
Mecklenburg. After shaking hands he
took me to one side, saying he desired to
ask me question. Now, Governor,
said he, this is a matter of little deli
cacy, and you are at liberty to answer it
or not | want to know if McAden' S
Bank is going to have troublel' Assum-
ing an air of deep meditation, the Cover
nor replied yes: | have no hesitation in