West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-01-05
Sanscript's Dinner Goes ON " Bust.


When John Sanscript went down town
last Saturday, his wife asked him to
bring back with him small quantity of
rice.
How much will you haveG' asked
the grocer when John called for the
succulent berry.
"Wcll, guess ten pounds III do"
said John. "Ill get enough to last the
old woman several weeks" he added,
somewhat doubtingly.
The grocer hesitated, looked quizzical,
and finally weighed out the ten pounds
of rice.
"This is new kind of rice, Mr.. San
script he said, as he put string
around the paper. cit swells three
times as much as Louisiana rice, which
you had better tell your wife"
All right" said John, as he turned
To greet friend. Two minutes later he
had forgotten the reminder of the
careful grocer.
When he got home John found the
house deserted, but n humming fire was
roaring in the kitchen stove, and he
knew Mrs. = had just stepped into the
next house to exchange gossip with Mrs
Mulvaney.
"Ill just put this rice to boil, !" solilo-
quized John. "It'll please the dame to
sec me so thoughtful, and maybe she'll
get me good supper
An ordinary iron pot with several
pints of water in it sat ON the stove.
"Ill bet six cents Maria put this very
pot on the fire for the purpose of boiling
the fruit"
He tore hole in the paper package,
and cmpticd the ten pounds of rice into
the vessel.
" That's pretty full, but the rice has
plenty of room to jump about. I'll just
step over to the meat store and buy a
porter-house steak"
As John approached the house, on his
return with the meat, he began to snuff
the air.
81 smell something burning. Wonder
it," "
He hurried into the kitchen, and
what sight was spread before his eyes
The stove was covered with rice. The
sides of the pot were full of rice. Rice
was dripping down upon the floor. The
eat was sitting under the table licking
rice from its back. The grains of rice
were chasing each other over the pots
rim like so many ants, and, for every one
that dropped upon the stove, twenty
more seemed to rise up and take its
place.
Heavensl whata pickle" cried John
"Ill have to use the other pot"
But the other pots capacity was not
enough For every tinful of the rice
John dipped out of one pot into the
other two tinfuls of rice seemed To
jump TO the surface. In less than n
minute both pots were slipping streams
of slippery grains upon the stove.
IN hXi wheczed the desperate man,
getting out the wash-boiler and slam.
ming IL on the stove
Then he began To dip again. First out
of one pot, then out Of the other, into
the wash-boiler. II was like bailing out
the sea-the more rice he took out of the
pots the faster the Internal grains seemed
to slide down on the stove.
Shades OF Demctrius preserve me ~
This exclamation was drowned out by
the discovery that the boiler was full
and also running over. Then Sanscript
surrendered. He wiped his moistened
brow with the dish-tOwcl, and sat down
TO gather his breath. Meanwhile the
rice continued TO swell and make room
for the lower grains, until the stove and
floor were covered an inch thick. At
last the Ere in the stove was extinguished,
but still the rice kept creeping and
swelling. When Mrs. Sanscript finished
her chat with Mrs. Mulvaney and re-
turned TO her kitchen she found a
wretched man trying to lift from the
stove a wash-boiler full of rice which
refused TO quit boiling over. Poor John
is suffering for his ignorance. He has
had nothing since then 10 eat but rice,
and Mrs. Sanscript swears by her back
hair that she'll cook him nothing but
rice till the ten pounds are consumed,
which, the victim has calculated, will be
some time the last Of next March