The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1878-07-09
HUMOROUS.

A ROBIN RED-BREAsT--The Indian.
=. A GORGEOUS AEEAI94..AA".. a ia; sss,;:o
dinner. ....
The Havkeye wants to know if the
past tense of stave factory is steve fac.
tory.
A GROCER both sells his goods and
gives them weigh.-Chicaqo Commercial!
Advertiser.
" HAIL, gentle spring ETHEREAL mildness, hailp'
Thus quoth the poet, and his prayer prevailed
For scarcely had he tuned his Tyre to sing
Before the weather altered, and it hailed.
Mr.. Posi-, of Ohio, who is nearly 100
years old, is missing. He is probably
held for postage somewhere.-Detroa
Free Press.
"THE parting gives me pain" sighed
the man who was combing his hair for
the first time after two weeks SPREE
Cincinnati Post.
THE schoolboy's definition of a capital
letter, according to Fum, is one that con-
tains half sovereign and the promise of
a cake. ..
AN individual complaining of his bad
luck says he got ahead but once, and
that was a cabbage, and even that was
stolen from him before he got home.
THE cuiprit eyed the rope that swung
Above him, with smile;
And whispered, just before he hung,
"This is the moose spring style"
MTsTHREss MULDEYNEy, it was this
blessed mint that ever was, | jist whit
around the CORNER for quarter ov tea,
an LUX at the eye got"-Harkeye.
"CAN love dep inquiries Mary E.
Nealy in recently published poem. 1t
cannot, though it gets dreadfully ad
journed occasional! y.-Butalo Express.
In about two weeks from now if you
hear your neighbor slam pillow against
his bedroom wall you may be sure that
the mosquito got away.-Free Press.
YOUTH, with joy out Of his element
Just said to elope with his Belle he meant;
When her father rushed in,
With terrible dir,
And wanted to know what the Puck.
In fight between two hotel cooks in
New York the other day, one was forci,
bly, jammed down into some pans of hot
fat and severely scalded. 4 modern bat
tie of Preston Pans.
A CHRONIC growler, who lived in a
boarding house, kept the landlady in a
state of torment all through the holidays
by always remarking at meal time,
Things are getting tough, tell you"
WOMAN tempted man to eat; but he
took to drink himself Yonker's States
man. But he first got drunk beside her.
(Ahem! "By-cider." - Philadelphia
Bulletin.
THIS time Dio Lewis appears to be get
ting off quite easy. He has only con-
gestion of the brain and paralysis of the
side. If he doesn't quit fooling around
oatmeal and blackberries he will get
right down si~k.-Danbury Ne,cs.
A MAN may face death with composure
and adversely with smiles, but the
chances are that he will hop and swear
when he discovers that twcnty'cent
silver piece has been palmed off on him
for quarter.-Puck.
The man who wants to, can easily dis
cover out now that his wife's health is
failing, and that she ought to visit her
childhood home during the months Of
June, July and August.--Detroit Free
Press.
Mr.. STURGEON, after saying that the
Scotch inherit business tact by instinct
saws he has heard Of two Yankees whose
shrewdness was such that, when shut up
in room together. they each cleared
half crown by exchanging waistcoats.
There's many fossil
| ....s- Who sits near his door-sil,
With tears, bitter tears in his eyes;
And he'll wait long at home,
For the trade that won't come,
Because he VIII not advertise.
--Hdohensaeh RepuJiicaa
IT is very true that George Washing,
ton never told lie, but then his wife
never made him say he would spade up
the side flower beds and the verbena
mound in the front yard, before he went
down to the office.-Ha,ckeye.
THE boy stood On the burning deck"
but he only succeeded in saving the
Jack of clubs, the nine of hearts and four
Of spades. The other Give believe
there are 70 cards in deck, but we may
be wrong-were irretrievably ruined
Pittsburg Commercial.
How much sweeter will life become
when the newspapers say fishermen "
or anglers" instead of "disciples of
Izaak Walton and "dancers" instead
of votaries of Terpsichore!" But it
will never happen, never.-Nev Orleans
Times.
4 REFORMED strawberry is wanted
is necessary. Why don't our fruit cul.
turists grow variety of berry that will
act fair and honest2 not have all the big
ones crawl on top of the basket and the
little onos- nestle. in the bottom. For the
strong to rule over the weak is quite
natural, however ~E
A LADY was passing down Union
avenue, carrying a baby carefully snug
gled away in her arms, when Snooks was
met. Being an acquaintance he felt i'm
PEELED to make some mention of the
prodigy, and asked: "Is this your lastT'
referring more to the age of the infant
than to future events. He was shocked
by the reply: "You can just rest assllr-
ed that it is last p'
AN editor wrote a leading article on
the fair sex, in the course of which he
said: "Girls of seventeen or eighteen
are fond of beaus." When the paper
was issued, he was rather shocked to dis,
cover that an unfortunate Typographical
error had made him say: "Girls of sew.
enteen or eighteen are very fond OF
BEANS"
Two enraged duelists met upon the
dark and bloody ground. Just as their
swords are about to be handed to them
the first enraged duelist, in voice
trembling Unsurpassed bravery, said:
One of us two must remain ON this
field" "Yonr talking" says the second
enraged duelist. "And itshall be you"
saws the first enraged dueiist, T" for I'm