Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1878-02-27
ruNNY0RAPHs.

rUNNYoRAPHs.
WHAT most newspaper men suffer
from at this time Of ycar-Rumor-tism.
90 bssi .s have have beaitD.M Bs;i
on CaD 6cvvick.
DIALOGUE between two Bohemians:
"Would, O would that had fifty
thousand year. / know what I'd d."
"What7' Nothing
"Is this the Adams House, Inquired
stranger Of Bcstcnian. Yea,
was the reply, "it's Adams house till
you get to the roof-then it's caves"
SOMEBODY thinks DR.. Hollands new
poem is "almost intoxicating in its
beauty" A sort of Holland gin, We
suppose.
DOES it seem the correct thing for q
glee club to sing under lady's window
as serenade, Darling you are growing
old."-Omaha Republican.
AMAN in Lowell, Mass, advcrtises "a
valuable manuscript poem" - lost.
The f" valuable would indicate that it
is his own.
A BOOK publishers advertisement an
hounces: :" In press-A Beautiful WO-
man." We are not surprised to hear it.
The fellow who does the pressing is to
be envied.
UNLESS cold snap of about two
weeks duration comes along pretty soon,
it is predicted that about one-half the
tramps on the road next summer will be
nI,,vnl>o - a nd 100 mon
A BUFFALO cab driver boasts OF an
English baronet for grandfather. Tae
old man may some day leave him Han
som legacy; who knowss-N r. COM
mercidl.
The man who has written anything
for the newspaper and didn't scratch It
off in a hurry will please call at this
Office and hear of something to his adj
vantagc.-Oa CHv Derrick.
WHEN you meet a school girl with
far-away look in her eyes and nervousiy
moving lips, she is not thinking Of her
beau, but wrestling with conundrum
in mental arithmetic.-Edston Free Prsss
LADY Ito little girl of four years)-
"What are you going to call your new
doll?" Girl (heaving deep sigh, like
some anxious mother)- I'll shall call II
Rosa--ifit lives"
A YOUNG gentleman of Brooklyn has
made himself cross-eyed for life by watch
ing the tip of his nose, threatened with
an eruption OF sore boils. He evidently
believed that watched spot never boiis.
~ Y World.
"WELI,, may hope, then, dear, that
at some future time | may have the
happiness of making you my wifer
"Yes, hope SO, I'm sure" she replied,
" for Pm getting tired of suing fellows
for breach of promise"
1T is generally the man who doesn't
subscribe for q paper who sends the
editor communication pitching into
somebody or something, and signs it
"Many Readers"
i The neat-handed Phyllis let's fall a
beautiful and costly Japanese platter
that (praised be the gods!) is not smash
ed. "You were lucky" says the mis-
tress. "No, ma'am; it was the dish that
was lucky" says the maid.
/ A FRIEND in need: A gentleman,
unaccustomed to public speaking" !"
becoming embarrassed, whispered to his
friend, HQuick, quick, give--give me =
word.' Upon which the other replied,
" Yes, yes; what word do you want?"
| You constantly hear sentimental
young ladies warbling 1t the piano that
there are no birds in last years nest.
And it is strange that no practical, COM
mon-sense business man ever comes to
N the front to remark that there aren't any
in next years nest, either.
i "YEs, gentlemen, certainly, Of course. Z
said polite clothier, # you want . Pair
of pants, step right into my pantry; # 2
!. vest, walk right up to my vestry; and II
a coat-here, Jacob, show this gentleman
into the coterie. This way, this way
gentlemen"
1 AMAN who lives on the edge OF z rocky
declivity in the Twenty-first ward, New
York, has named his goat Oleomargarine
l-because it is kind Of butter strong
enough to knock person over.-Nssl
! York Commercial.
ArEACHER in q Boston school was de-
! lighted to see every child's hand 60 ur
E in answer to the question of how many
had ever heard Of Mr.. Emerson, but hel
soul sank within her when she discovered
. Il was Billy Emerson, the minstrel, whos'
! show bills had placarded the walls OF tn
Hub for several days
el "MARRIAGE," says George Eliot,
' promotion" And this sort Of promotion
], makes some young men 20 proud ans
o stuck up that they won't do > stroke 9
), work rs long rs their wives are ao!e
Is make shirts and take in washing TO keeI
l. them.
al A SCRIPTURE reader once waited on
o rood woman in q colliery village. No
,s satisfied with the woman's spiritual con
le ditiop. the visitor remarked that he v.
% afraid she did not keep the command
ii ments." she exclaimed, "wi . thei
lg bairnsf I've enough to do TO kec
ID oursel's"
to JOAQUIN MILLER lost his umbrella Z
q New York the other day, IN umbrella b
j. vond price, which has as handle
~ snrout Of q tree beside Byr0n's grav'
and decorated with silver bear and
horse's head and q chain. He was !
despair till he found it in the poescssiO
'e of an airy African citizen who VI
v promenading Fifth avenue.
10 HE had brought her the very thin
= ! she wanted from the supper t.ble % q
:, safe retreat on the stairs, and sno -
ne moved TO say, half laughingly. You 9
q ! man after my own heark ~. B.
y q Just what I am after" he apfweTo
q quick as fash, covering her WIN cO
be Slrpxyxs refused his wife new n
"a and soon after his little girl ca1ae n -
60 aid: !" Mamna, won't you buy Ne
~ monkey to play with when yO! - dON