Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-07-17
Humorous.

Many girls have no mind to speak of,
and THEY are continually talking about
giving somebody piece Oft.
"Indians will never remain on a
peace footing so long as they can ride
on stolen cavalry horses.-New Orleans
Picayauae.
A Chicago lady complains of the I'M
RENTING love of an absent husband
! lie never sends her any money.
This is great country. When a ship
IS launched congress adjourns, and
ginia they ring 8 bell
An Illinois preacher, who believed
that tire insurance was defying the Lord
is now living in barn until his congre-
CATION can find him another house.
Now the clerk at two dollars per week.
Is 6 De to yearn vacation wise,
ANA IN fond dreams. SO to speak.
Is languishing country relation wise.
NeV Orleans Times.
1t was about this time Of year when
the little boy expressed the wish that he
was built like a hen-coop, out of laths.
so that the breeze could blow right
through him.
One reason why more people did not
get into the ark, is that Noah neglected
to advertise in the newspapers. There
is a great moral lesson contained in this
fact.
Mary had little corn,
Upon her little toe.
And every where that Mary went,
The corn sure o 20.
An Irishman was told by a teacher
bat l., 4.
guineas the first month, and one guinea
the second. 'Then, be jabers," said
Pat, I" Ill begin the second month
now"
"Charles." said she to one of her
Sunday School class, mention some
act Of violence that was committed near
the sea about this time" Don't re-
member any, 'cept Jonah was whale
laid on the shore"
elias the jury agreed? ~ asked the
Judge of a sheriff whom he met on the
stairs with a bucket in his hand. eyes"
replied Patrick, "they have agreed to
send out for half gallon.
Those glorious summer nights are
here when lover whispers imprisoned
words in the dreamy ear of favored
maiden, and feels his undershirt stick
ing to him closer than brother.
At a popular store. famous for the
prompt and polite attention of the
clerks, q woman of perhaps thirty years
was looking at goods, when Young
man stepped toward her and asked: "Is
any one waiting upon you?" Why,
what question! I've been married
these ten years."
July is the happiest month in the
year for Queen Victoria, for then she is
far away IN the solitude of the Scotch
Highlands at Balmoral where she can
chase bumble-b bees, and make mud-pies
and get her face smeared with molas-
ses, without fear of having the whole
House of Lords rush in at her on two
minutes notice.
Sitting out under the stars, with her
head gently resting on his manly breast,
and an unbroken stick of chewiag-gum
clutched in her trembling little hand,
she asked him if he'd tell her again
how he came to love her; and he an
swered frankly that he had been eating
onions that afternoon, and would rather
she'd do the talking.
An old bachelor, picking up a book,
exclaimed, upon seeing woodcut rep
resenting a man kneeling at the feet
of woman. "Before l would ever
kneel to woman / would encircle nv
neck with a rope and stretch it." And
then, turning to a young woman, he in
quired. " Do you not think it would be
the best thing I could do ?" 1t would,
be the best for the woman"
1t has been discovered that a book
agent can be won by kindness. One
day last week a West Hill man tried it
on one Of them. He beat him with a
bludgeon and broke his arm, poured
kerosene over his clothes and set fire to
it, shot him through the lungs, and fin
ally locked him up in a room with a
mad dog, and the agent, deeply affected,
whispered through the key-hole that as
soon as the dog got through with him,
he'd let him have copy of Noody's
Anecdotes" for sixty-fve cents, which
was thirty per cent. off.-Bawhngtom
Haaukeue.