Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1878-02-08
HITS AND MISSES.

A Kentucky man married four sisters He
was very sster-matic.
The painter who fell of scafIolding with
his paint pots, went down with flying colors.
Women are proyerbiolly severe in their
criticisms Of each others attire 1t makes all
the difference in the world whose dress is
gored
man. not well up in art or in literature.
once advised his neighbor, when going 10 see
the painters Of Italy. to see also the Gazicrs
Of Switzerland.
1t is said that Radcliffe used to threaten his
brethren Of the faculty, that he would leave
the whole mystery of physic behind him. writ
ten on a half sheet Of note paper
On a masquerade night the Duke Of Nor
folk, Of his time, asked Footc what character
be should appear in. Don't go disguised"
said Foote, but assume a new chaacter-co
sober
us that brewery" asked fellow pas.
senger on one Of the up-riyer steamers as she
approached the house Of correction NO"
wittly responded bystander. 1T is a. rectify-
ing establishment
My DEAR said a husband in startling
tones after awalsing bis wifi in the night ~
have swallowed dose of strychninc :" well.
then, do for goodness sake lie still. or it may
come up
six feet in his boots 3" said Mrs Parting
ton what will the imperencc of this world
come to. / wonder: Why they might Just
rs well tell me that the man had six heads i'm
his hat
An Exchange remarks "Thc only Jokes
women like TO read are those which reflect
ridiculc on men "Yos." adds another ox-
change, ION taking up paper a woman in
variably turns TO the marriage column
1t was happy thought for DR.. Doremt- to
say that. If he were challenged to fight duel.
he would suggest to his opponent that both
should take poison. and then sit down and
play poker for the exclusive use Of the stom-
ach-pump
During the recent civil war there were two
volunteers lying beneath their blankets. look
ingupatthe star, in Virginia sky. Says Jack
What made you go into the army. Tom :"
We'll. replied Tom, II had no wife and
loved war. What made you Join the army
Jack - well, he replied, IL had "a wife
and loved peace, so l went to the war"
A Kentucky man, who is pretty fond OF his
bitters was seen in Stamford last week. with
a blue ribbon pinned on his coat. friend
inquired, Have you Joined the Murphys.
Judge = Not exactly. he replied: 81 only
wear this i'll the hope that some one viii ask
me to take a drink under the impression that
They were taking evidence tho other day in
a St Louis divorce case on tine ground OF
cruelty. Tho husband was under examine
ton, and his wife. Frustrated with grief. was
weeping bitterly. covering her face with her
handkerchief Now says tn. Judge AR,
you not ashamed to have thus hrutally treated
your wife. tender young woman of twenty
five - Tho wifi suddenly raised her head
u beg your pardon she sobbed. twenty.
four only and she again gave way TO her
grief
1t is stated as a fact that cam ] s hair shavl-
are mad from the wool of TIN Thihot CONT
Thus the fuude,t hopes decay. John Smith
and Pocahoutas We're only variety performers.
William Tell had no bow-gu Ao arrow. no
apple and no little son. Columbu, did not
discover this country until some other fellow
had been here, and then he thought our peo-
pie were natives Of India. Men are not what
they seem. Women seem more thuu they are.
Dolls are filled with sawdust and clerrymeu
cannot agree about the future