South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-05-17

TA young clergyman, Boosting a.
mong his relations Of having been edu-
Gated at two colleges, harvard and Cam.
bridge. an aged divine being present.
said, "You remind me OF an instance l
knew OF q calf that sucked two cows
what was that?" said third person.
'Why, sir, the consequence was that he
was very great calf"
V'Now, MISS said photographer
to young lady whom he had seated in
the chair OF torture. you just look at
me as If was your young man an YOU d
met me unexpected like you know
john asked doctor of the apothe-
cary's boy, did Mrs. Green get the med
icine ordered 2 Il guess So replied
John, FOR l saw Grape on the door-knob
this morning.
Thought I'd leave my measure on
your floor said man who fell down in
bar-room. No necessity for that.
said the bar keeper, we know exactly
how much you hold
W Buffalo Erpress-"The prettiest
girl in Paris this year." says the New
York Herald, sis an American GIRL
What nonsense is this2 The prettest
girl anywhere, and at all times, and un
der all circumstances, is an American
girl. This too ingenious newspaper
will be telling us directly that apples
are apples and cheese is cheese
Herald p. L.
TRUTH Women may, perhaps, fan
cy that they dress in order to be imr.
ed by men, but they do not. They
dress against each other, and they dread
each others criticisms. Men very sci.
dom care for details, and if woman
looks we'll. and is not dowdy, she finds
favor in their eyes.
lV-M Mr.. Jones-I've got something in
my pocket to give you when go way.
Child-'Then the sooner you go the
better
Ey Pa observed small boy to his
father, What do Mr.. Pitkins and Julia
find to talk about in the parlor by them.
selves four hours night every night in
the week?
The old gentleman pulled out a split
from the broom, slowly proddiug his
teeth with it, replied:
Il got hunk of meat yesterday, and
had it boiled for dinner, didn't wc?'
Yes.
And had it cold for supper
Yes
"a nd ynnr :. ,,.>
breakfast this morning, didn't she?'
Yes
Well, that's the way with Pitkins and
your sister Julia
20 Three men being in q saloon, one
called for dram because he was hot.
Bring me another" says his compan.
ion because am cold" The third
who sat by land heard them, Gallo d
out: Here, boy, bring me o glass,
because like it,
1B A young lady was inquiring Of her
old nurse the widow of prisoner. how
she got on.
BADLY enough, darlint, only the Gov.
eminent intends to 10 something for us
us it joliin' We are Miss? Sure every
ch lid knows what's Government. It's
q half dozen gentlemen and SIGH as
they, may be, that meets and thinks
what's best for themselves, & then they
say that's best for us, that's Government.
1Jennie June says fashionable
bonnet can be had for dollar and Il
half. And so it can.
1t is FROM six to twenty dollars worth
of trimming that strikes the pocketbook
in sore spot.
IVA philosopher being asked VIII at
was the first thing necessary towards
winning the love Of a woman, answered
IAN opportunity"
sD~About a week ago there were two
smart young men got on q Burlington
and Cedar Rapids train and laid them,
selves out to amuse and instruct the
passengers. Very many fanny things
said and very many funny things did
these two brilliant young men, and il
did seem as though Providence had been
just too kind TO the other passcn.
gers TO let them ride on the train
with such smart young men. But pres.
emily there doomed up for them q colos-
sal opportunity, when a lady. attended
by littlegirl, came into the car. The
two young men We'd with each other in
saying funny things about the pup.
Presently the funniest young man said,
in tones Of pcrplexity. We'll, let me
see, they make dogs pay on this train,
don't they2" And then the lady turned
around and said in just the dryest tones
you ever heard lady say anything.
Then you'd better get off before tile
conductor comes in."-Hqvteye.
L5I"Benj shouted Mrs. TODD
les TO her husband. who was going out
Of the gate, bring me back some snuff
when you come" Snuff. Mrs. Toodles
snuff he calculated as he paused
with his hand on the latch mo, no.
Mrs. Toodles, the times are too hard to
admit Of such an extravaganza. You
must tickle your nose with n straw " hon