The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1878-10-11
Josh Billings Philosophy.

Ine DlDlo ain { true; 1t taxes WlZe man
to beleave it.
/ beleave one apple IL sweet, and the
one on the next tree liz sour. I will
bet soveighns on this, but will give
emmy smart professor span ov match
ed mules who will tell me what makes
them so.
If yu settle with man for so cents
on a dollar he IL full az apt to call yu a
phool az a philanthropisst. Funny,
amt it?
!, I don't allow emmy man to beat me in
politeness; if there iz one who thinks
he kan do it, let him try it on.
i Thare are but fu men who are az
phoolish az they are thought to be. and
less who are az wize az they think they
are.
The best way to tell good oyster
from bad one liz to eat it. The man
who kant tell the difference in this way
amt worth convincing.
What man liz the most afrade ov he
sez he don't beleave in; this may
ackount for sum mems unbeleaf in
hell.
i '.Natur abhors vacuum" tharefore
she fills sum heds with sawdust.
The wizest man that the world haz
ever produced died ages ago, and the
biggest phool hain't been born yet.
Buty IL risky prerogative, it haz no
posative mer1sS ov its own, and il
alwuss surrounded by dangerous para-
sites.
eft il only step from the sublime
to the ridikilous," and it iz only the
very wize who kan take the step, and
get bak agin.
The humility that prosperity arrays
itself in, il allwuss suspishus.
The hardest dollar for a man to git,
liz too often the one he needs the
most.
Az general rule Judge ov man s
virtews, or vices, bi hiz opinyuns ov
other people.
When dimokrat gifts ritch he iz
quite apt to wear hiz politikal princip-
les az kind ov elekshun hollyday suit.
| I kno now that am Citing old
kno it bi the CRATE spatters ov soft
billed egg that find on mi fresh shirt
buzzum after breakfast, and the chunks
ov sassage, and loose pieces ov bred,
and potatoze, that are froliking around
on the krumb-cloth at mi feet.
The man who dies the richest liz the
one who leaves the least here, and takes
the most with him.
Tru philosophy, like tru philan-
thropy, il work ov deeds, not acords.
| The vanity ov mankind IL enuff to
dam them, even if they waz angels
in every other respekt.
| Thare iz lots oy people in this world
who take Joke Just az children do
iekastor 20. bsEa1ze they KANT help i
Inc most disgusting kritter ov th
y whole lot to me iz the one who will fl
y = himself haff full ov cheap whisky, an
- - then insist upon being konfdensha
-, to yu in matters ov no earthly impol
= tance thus intensifying hiz natral da1
70 phoolishness.
- When see man who liz over anxiou
:, !. to prove ennything, am very apt t
- think he amt very certain about
:. himself.
N sumtimes indulge in profanit
e and wonder at it, for there liz nodhin
= that so mutch regret in miself an
= despite in others.
If you want to reduse child
= genius, set him to turning grind-stn
," or wedding out onions.
:, The clever phellow who don't kno'
how to pla game ov whist, even if
HOO1 OuCJ AZ C1i b1 aasAS
is false pretences.
E Men will admit that they are rowin
le old, but never that they are GROWN
IL phoolish.
II I thank god that thare liz one thin
L that money won't buy, and that il th
u wag ov dogs tail.
g acksident: acksident haz often opene
z the way.
70 Men ov moderate abilities make tn
s most plezant companyuns; men Q
J; CRATE wit mite be kompared to graf
e fire-you kant git near enuff to it to g
3 warm without Citing burnt.
The multitude gaze at the epauletts
?, the few at the man who wears them.
Q Yung men, what yu git in this worl
9 yu hav got to win, and mankind ar
9 hard taskmasters and slo pay.
q The CRATE mistake that menny folk
q make IL, they are kontinually bettin
J. on tomorrow and letting to-day go
default.
The majority ov the virtew in thi
l world iz negatif-it liz in the hands O
0 people who, while they don't do enn
$ hurt, don't do emmy good neither.
. Most ov us are happy, not so mute
S, = bekauze we hav got a horse and bugg
!, to ride in az bekauze the other phello'
= haz got to go on foot.
~ hav seen hipokrits who had reache
= sutch perfekshun in the bizzness tina
r they could cheat themselfs, but coul
q not cheat emmy boldly else.
:, If people will only spend their tim
:. in doing their duty in this world
y Heaven, and He'll, and hereafteri vii
take kare oy itself.
q It il eazy ennff to learn hi exper
II ence, but to profit bi it liz what's th
matter.
VI hay seen men who had worn ou
q their vices, and suppozed ov cours
= that they waz living on their virteus.
! am not astounded when hear tina
a man haz fallen. Adam fell, and b
= waz nailed down, compared with tn
!. slippery ground that men stand o
now days.
It seems to me that wimmin ar
. conquets bi natur, and prudes bi neces
sity.
He who allwuss tells the truth in th
n fewest possible words il natral ora
9 tor.
. More tons of iron and steel wer
rolled in this country last year than il
!, that during which the panic fell upo1
= the country. Everybody isn't out 9