The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-06-13
Miscellaneous.

Music in the air--the threatened strike
of the New York piano makers.
| The wise man smileth over joke, but
| the fool walketh off on his ear about it,
Cincinnati has an immense ear for
music, and her mouth for beer speaks
| for itself
Don't put off until tomorrow that
which you can do to-day, unless you are
| going into the poetry line.
Father" said a smart boy, II don't
want to go to work. I'd rather have a
saloon and keep base ball record.
Brilliant and impulsive people" says
| an exchange, "have black eyes" Impul-
| sive people are only too apt to get black
eyes.
A Texas man shot his opponent in
| duel and is now writing poem about it.
1t looks as if the wrong man had been
| shot.
Whittier who wrote about "The Man
| with the Branded Hand" is about to set
to music. 1.-THE Woman with the Bran
died Peaches"
II True SGOry III IWO CudpI6FS. SAdpb0T
l. Mrs. Nation, of Jersey City, had
habit of smoking pipe in bed. Chapter
II. The other night she changed that
habit for a shroud. The end.
The Danbury News tells of Bridgeport
man who had his wife arrested for drunk
enness, furnished the wagon to take her
to the station house, and wanted the city
to pay for its use.
We are glad to learn, even at this late
day. that Thomas Jefferson would turn
aside rather than step on a bumblebee.
He was barefooted when he felt that way,
of course.
They say Dr. Mary Walker is learning
to chew tobacco. which explains why she
hasn't been seen on the street for six
days, and has all her meals sent up to
her room.
The picnic season approaches. The
young man with the lavender trousers
should guard against sitting down on the
curtard pie Boston Globe. It's always
cussed-hard when he does.
Two gentlemen were arguing in a pas
ture field. with only goat for an audi
ence. In reply to statement of one the
other said: II know. But -" The
goat took him at his word, and the argu-
ment was continued on the other side of
the fence.
This is the season of the year when
school children are liable to get sick
about 9 a. m. Nobody ever heard of a
boys being sick on Saturday, or during
vacation, or when picnic was on the
tapis, or after o'clock p. m.
A cigar contains acetic acid, formic,
butyric, valerie, and proprionic acidia,
prussic acid, creosote, carbolic acid, am
monia, sulphureted hydrogen, pyridine,
viridine, picoline, and rubidene, to say
nothing about cabbagine and burdockic
acid. That's why you can't get good
one for less than five cents.
Kentucky man who was pulled out
of the river by the hair, has sued his pre-
server for $4,000 damages. 1t is hoped
that the latter will have to come down
with the cash. To be mulcted in $4,000
damages might teach him wholesome
lesson against pulling fools out of the
river by the hair, and crippling the pros
perity of the town.
An Irish gentleman declares that he
has never found Frenchman who could
pronounce this: "Thimblerig Thistleth-
wait thievishly thought to thrive though
thick and thin by throwing his thimbles
about but he was thwarted and
thwackedl and thumped and thrashed
with thirty three thousand thistle and
thorns for thievishly thinking to thrive
through thick and through thin by
thorns the thimbles about"
At club, the talk being of a newly-in-
vented folding hat for the opera, some
one, intent upon other peoples pockets,
said he would beat all crush hats that
were ever invented by pushing a hat
through his ring A few fivedollar bets
were quickly made, when he took off his
ring, put his hat on the table, and, put
ting his little finger through his ring,
pushed his hat along, and, according to
the umpire, won his bets.
A ticket agent in Rochester has been
searching the Scriptures with an eye to
business. On his advertising card ap-
pears,the following!legend; I'm those days
there were no passes given" and under
meath are the following texts: Thou
shalt not pass. Numbers Xxx, IS. "Suf
fer not man to pass" Judges iii, %"
The wicked shall no more pass. =
Nahum Is Nor shall ever pass.
Isaiah xxxiv, TO- THE generation shall
not pass" Mark xiii, 30 $50 he paid