Litchfield enquirer., 1878-08-01
CLIPPINGS.

The eight-hour system meets with favor. Four hours in workshop and four in beer shop.
 It was on entering barbers shop that Rie- nzi said: II come not here to talk ."
 Our so-called ancestors, the monkeys, could not have been so ignorant, after all They were all educated in the higher branches.
 We love to lie beneath the shade and quaff the cooling lemonade, and also feel the cheer ful ants crawl slowly up our summer pants.
 Gentleman Qoq. }: T say waiter, I've just cracked this egg. Look at it." Waiter: Don't look very nice at that end, sir, I must say. Try the other"
 A Wall street broker made $7OO, 900 in 1876. To-day he is worth just $279, which shows that he did not squander everything.
 She was plump and beautiful, and he was wildly fond of her; she hated him, but, wo- man like, she strove to catch him. He was flea.
 A boy at school, on being asked to describe kitten, said, "A kitten is remarkable for rushing like mad at nothing whatever and stopping before it gets there."
 ''He was the first man that Horace Greeley ever told to git West likewise he was hanged for stealing muel," }" isthe record on humble tomb in Kansas.
 A political speakar accused rival of ''unss fathomable meanness, and then, rising to the occasion, said '1 warn him not to persist Tn his disgracetul course, or he'll find that two of us can play at that gameP
 'sOh! how dreadful" said an old lady in London, reared in an atmosphere of conserva- tive clericalism, when, the other day, MT. Gladstone was pointed out to her at the funer- al of distinguished friend; '1 do trust he isn't come to make disturbance.
 A Bangor woman's turkeys ate the residum of some cherry rum which she threw into her yard the other day, apparently died and were picked by the hired man. The next morning, however, they appeared in the barnyard alive but in an undress uniform.
 There is one impertinence which Washing ton society will no longer tolerate. We do not refer to the unseemly habit of asking mature single lady her age. That is insolent, but may be forgiven. But to ask society ''Colonel" the number of his regiment or the date of his service-that sort of thing has gone about far enough.
 Young man, if you should see your girl gaz- ing intently at your feet, don't shift them about uNedSly, UT VTdW GLcul up dHu pun under the impression that she is overwhelmed by their immense size. She is merely taking their m asure, mentally, for pair of slipperss on the toes of which she intends to work blue dog, with green tail and scarlet ears
 It is not always successful operation to teach two-year-old child it's prayers, however intelligent it may be. The other day young mother was showing off the early piety of her offspring to some callers, the result being much ly as follows: ''Gorbesspapa, Gorbessmamma, Gorbessbaby, avyergotanytandy ?" That in- fant thought religion was sweet, anyhow.
 An old darkey was endeavoring to explain his unfortunate condition. 'YOu see," re- marked Sambo, 'it was in this way as far I can remrmber: Fust my ladder died, den my mudder married agin and den my ladder mar ried agin; and den my mudder died, and den my ladder married agin; and somehow doesn't seem to have no parents at all, nor no home, no nuftin."
 One of our mast valued contributors severed his connection with the Hawkeye last week be- cause in a short personal notice of him and his work. the city editor omitted to speak of ''his facile pen" This was grave omission, but as the city editor was shot at sunrise, just outside the city gates, we trust the contributor will be appeased, and will again enliven our columns with the bright seintillations from his facile and versatile pen.-[ Burlington Haaok- eye.
 A little fellow, who was at neighbours house about noon the other day, watched the preparations for dinner with great interest, but when asked to stay and eat something, he promptly refused. ''Why, yes Johnnie, you had better stay," said the lady "why can't your" ''Well, 'cause," said the little fellow, ''ma said mustn't unless you asked me three times" They invited him twice more right eff
 As colored resident of Detroit was breast ing the storm, with a new umbrella over his head, he was halted by friend and brother, who asked, '1s dat your umbrella ?" "Yes, sah---cost me two dollars" was the prompt re- ply 'Mr. Savage" said the other, very sol- emnly, "when man will buy a two-dollar umbrella to keep the wet off n fifty -oent suit of cloes, what's de use to talk about econo- my?"
 A Pittsfield (Mass.) young lady recently in quired at Lord & Taylor's store in New York for "Louis QuinZe" shoes. Some were shown her by spruce clerk, but not liking peculi arity about the heels, she asked if they had none without it. "Oh, mo-" said the clerk "Mr. Quinze always makes them just like this" ''Mr. Who?" ''Mr. Quinze-Louis Quinze-of Paree-he makes all our goods of this cass---we have them direct from him. You can see his trademark" The customer survived to tell the story.
 At the placing of MT. F-rl-ng, minister of the Chapel of Ease, Glasgow. of whose abil- ities MT. Thom entertained no great opinion, when they came to that part of the ceremony where the hands are imposed the other mem bers were making room for Mir. Thom that he might get forward his hand on the head of MT. Filing likewise but Mir. Tnem, keep ing at a distance, said ''Na, ma, thinner to thinner, will do we'll enough" laying his staff on the head of the new divine.