Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1878-05-23
IT is fact that Maryland realizes
more from her oyster crop than her
grain crop.
How Edison Amuses Himself.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.

Ellison, the photograph man, is
wretched unless he invents half a
dozen things every day. He does it
just for amusement when regular
business isn't pressing The other
day he went out for little stroll
and be thought out plan for walk
ing Oh one leg so as to rest the other
before he had gone square.
He hailed milk wagon and told
the driver of little invention that
had popped through his head Just
that moment for delivering milk
without getting out of his wagon or
even stopping his horse. A simple
force pump. with hose attached,
worked by the foot. would do the
business. Milk men who dislike to
halt for anything in their mad Ca
reer, because it prevents them run
ming over as many children as they
might otherwise do, would appreci-
ate this Improvement. Ellison isn't
sure but that sausage and pigs feet
could be delivered in the same way.
lie stepped into hotel office, and
observing the humiliations which
guests encountered Ia seeking to OF.
tain information from the heightened
clerk, he sat down in the reading
room and ia i've minutes had invent
ed a hotel clerk to work by machin-
cry, warranted to stand behind the
counter any length of time desired,
and answer all questions with
protnptness, correctness and suavity
diamond pin on and hair parted in
the middle if desired.
Lounging into the billiard room,
he was struck with the needless
amount of cushions required to each
table. Quick as lightning he thought
of a better and more economical plan
cushion the balls He Immediate
~ pulled out postal card and wrote
to Washington applying for patent.
lmblblng mint julip in the sa-
loon adjoining, brilliant idea flash
ed through his fertile brain, and be-
fore he left tho place he had invent
ed an instrument that is likely to
revolutionizs the entire saloon bust.
ness 1t is machine so constructed
that when a person who has just
been partakipg of some spirituous
beverage breaths into it the action
of his breath upon a peculiarly pre-
pared substance (also the invention
of Mr. Ellison )made to revolve slow
ly by means of small crank, makes
such an impression, that by again
applying the lips and turning the
crSnk the other way, tho effects of
the drink can be reproduced as many
times as desired,no matter how great
q length of time may have elapsed.
A man provided with one of these
instruments could prepare himself
with cocktails for long journey
simply for the price of one drink
Edison christened it the stoddy-
graph" Of course the saloons will
fight against it bitterly, as 1t must
inevitably destroy the business of
ninety-nlns out of one hundred of
them. A person can mix his drinks
just to suit himself and then stock
his toddygraph with supply of diff.
ferent beverages sufficient to last
him lifetime. And when he has
drank himself to death with it, his
children can bring the instrument
out occasionally and revive tender
recollections of their parent by turn
ing the crank and getting q Whit of
the old mans breath.
A capital assistant the toddygraph
would be to the temperance cause.
Wives, whose husbands let on that
they cont drink, could have one
ready to test them with when they
come home late at night. The gen.
uineneas of Murphyite's reforma.
ton could also be determined by it.
And how easy TO expose the fraudu-
lent temperance lecturer.It wouldn't
answer for some of them to get with>
in quarter of mile OF one.
When Edison started to go out be
had to pass the barber-shop of the
hotel, and as be did so, he sighed to
think that with all his genius and
creative Imagination, he could never
hope to equal the knight of the ra-
zor as a talking machine. This sad
dened him so that he went home
and invented NO more that day.