The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-11-29

: IDEAS oil what thls glorious universe Iea4i
is. =.
Finally men got so bad that God reall
couldn't stand It any longer, 50 he deter
mined TO drown them.
Now think Of God having to drown hi
children, and having the tmpudence t
tell me how to raise mine. Can you VOL
ship God like that? Ican't andI wont
rApplause. But He made up His min
70 save q few. So He got man by tn
name OF Noah and three or four sons
Noah had been q bachelor until he wa
FIVE hundred years old. Just think OF tina
fellow. Laughter.l
II ! had had the job on my hands
would have drowned him, sure. Laugh
ter.
Well, Noah built IN ark three storie1
high, with one door and one window
twenty-five inches square. II there wa
anything Noah was fond Of It was plent,
OF light and air. What did they have Z
put in that ark? Fourthousand mammals
one hundred thousand birds, eleven hun
dred thousand insects, all the animnlcules
all the monster animals, the ANNALS that
live upon trees, fifteen thousand snakes
and everything that crawls or jumps OF
bites or scratches or flies. Laughter.
And when he got them in he put down the
window. '''
After Noah had closed up it rained
forty days, and the ark went above
the highest mountains twenty seven
feet. Consequently the water had to be
five miles deep, and it would have to fall
at the rate Of $500 feet day or thirty feet
an hour. How much water would it take ?
Eight times as much Us there is in the
world. And so they whacked around in
the ark, with no rudder, sail or compass
Nothing except Captain Noah and his
three or four boys. Nobody to tend these
animals, no system OF ventilation, nothing
plenty except water. How long were they
in it? One year and ten days. They set
tied down and down until they got to the
top of Mount Ararat, and that is only H.
900 feet high-4,000 feet above the line OF
perpetual and everlasting snow, and 1000
feet OF the peak Of Ararat is covered with
solid ice. But there is where he landed,
and he stayed there seven months with all
the animals Of the tropics. Now can We
believe that? Inever thought the ark was
quite big enough.
Passing over the story OF the Tower OF
Babel, Col. Ingersoll came to the narra-
tive which states that seventy OF the. Is
raelites went down into Egypt, and in 2l5
years they had 600, 600 men OF war. They
must have had at least 100000 people.
They found out that they had e2,27S first
born males. Now there could not have
been many. more frstborn than there
were mothers, and there were about us
many mothers as there were tlrstborn.
Then these %, ,2T2 mothers must have had
l 100000 male children, and that would
make sixty-eight male children to every
mother. Laughter)
Iowa people say that's pretty thin, but |
tell youit's pretty thick. Laughter.
The lecturer continued in the same
strain in speaking OF the wandering OF the
Israelites through the desert of Sinai, and
their delivery from Pharaoh, and the entry
into Canaan, and, in summing up, said:
The Old Testament upholds murder, po.
lygamy, assassination, and there is no
crime that it does not uphold.
This Bible has built every inquisition,
made every religious martyr, driven every
stake, set every faggot, lighted every torch;
it has made every thumb-screw, every
rack, dislocatcd every joint; it has pro-
duced every religious war, divided US up
into sects and classes, has set father against
mother aud child against parents; this BIZ
BILE has covered the world with blood has
covered the human face with tears; has
crushed honesty; has offered premium
for rascality, stupidity and hypocrisy; has
opposed every invention OF man; has said
to the astronomer you must not tell the
secrets OF the universe; this Bible has op-
posed every man Of science; put Gallleo
in prison; made Copernicus afraid to pub
lish his immortal work; made Kepler
keep his three laws secret, pointed the
finger OF scorn at Descartes; hooted every
man that was investigatingfor himself and
to make this world suo!imsr
and better. It has been q perpetual OBJ
struction upon the highway oil progress,
andI am opposed to it and am going to do
what little ] can against 1t.
In conclusion, Col Ingersoll repeated
that what he and what the people wanted
in this enlightened age was facts and in
yestigation, not miracles and iugglery.
He could not say what was our origin or
what our destiny, but he was constantly
irving to find out. He was on ship sail
ing from whence he could not tell, whittier
he did not know. He did not know the
captain, and had mo acquaintance with
the officers. The ship might go down,
and il 1t did he wanted to go down with 4
those he loved. But il it driited into
pleasant haven, with the greensward
spangled with flowers and bathed in sun
shine, he would be on hand, ready to step
of. lust as happy an angel as the next
man. [Applause. ~
REMARKS on THE LECTURE.
On the third page Of to.day's issue of the
IxrEl11cEXcER will be found an interest
ing review Of the above lecture. !
Col. Ingeearsoll has a habit Of laughing
with apparent gusto every now and then
in the courseof hisremarks. Healso uses
frequently tho phrases "You don't believe
that, y and Snow think OF that" and also
the words 'thorrible" .and, ,"barbaric." -
The man has great wealth of imagi-
nation, and can work an audience up to.
outbursts OF applause over his pictures Of
home, wife, children and domestic happt.
ness. He is said to be fortunate in his
married relations.
Although the Coloneluses a good deal
Of slang ph,aseology, and, is not by any
means a polished orator, being quite West
crn in his style, yet he never intimates a
vulgar idea nor uses vulgar word. Like
Jim Blulsoc, "this is all the religion be
- A.. :.,,i.,,t,, ,,,.of0unI ra4neot for NIL
that is pure and lovely in women, and all
that is just aud honorable among men.
The lecture lasted two ohours. Only one
person was observed to leave during that
time. There was constant curiosity Wis
ible in the face Of the audience 70 see what
The man would say next His audacity
at times perceptIbly amazed them, as, for
instance, where he said once or twice that
he would "rather go to hell than to such
heaven as that" Tho general verdict
!