The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1878-02-28
A HUMOROUS DIPLOMAT.
The LIMITATIONS Of Diplomatic Inter.
course at the sand ich Islands.

Minister Comfy, the United states
representative at the Sandwich Islands,
writes as follows to his newspaper, the
Columbus, (O.) State journal, concern
ing the irritations of diplomatic inter
course:
"Do you know what it is to the min
lister to have man-of-war visit his post?
First the admiral sends his staff officer to
report his arrival. Then they take a
drink. Then the minister runs up his
flag, and sends dispatch to the minister
of foreign affairs, notifying His Males
tvs government that the admiral has
arrived, and desires to salute the flag.
Then His Excellency replies, and sets
the time when the admiral may shoot.
and His Majesty's big guns will be all
loaded ready to reply, gun for gun.
Then the bombardment takes place.
Then the admiral calls on the minister,
with his staff and all their good clothes
Then they all drink. Then the minister
goes aboard the man-of-war in his good
clothes, and the admirals yawl. Then
they all drink. When he leaves the YES
sci, after being presented arms to, and
all kinds of bother, he gets only about 80
yards away when his ears are torn and
his head bursted by the big guns of the
vessel firing 10 gun salute. The ma
rines have their oars peaked and their
eyes on the minister, and he is expected
to take off his hat and grin horribly a
CHASTITY smile, as if he really enjoyed the
honor of having his head bursted in this
way Then the admiral comes ashore
with his staff, and the minister takes
l. tn II He MoIon+xy,a
ment. We go first to the minister of
foreign affairs, who tells us when we
may have an audience at the palace to
present the admiral and other officers to
His Majesty. Then we visit the other
ministers, the governor of Oahu, the
justices Of the supreme court and the
marshal of the king. Then we take
drink. Then the admiral invites the
minister to lunch, and they take drink.
Next day or 20 the minister takes the
whole party to the palace, and they are
presented i'll due form to His Majesty.
The admiral reads little speech, in
which he tells his majesty how glad We
are to see him, and his majesty ads a
little speech in which, he replies how
glad he is to see US Then we converse
awhile with all the grandees, and after
backing out their presence sign our
names in a little book, and the admiral
hurries on board the vessel to get his
kidneys relieved from the pressure of his
sword belt as soon as possible. Mean
while all the other eXcellencies, repre-
senting every country under heaven,
have been sending notes to the minister
begging him to name the happy day
when it will please the admiral to send a
boat for them to come aboard, and have
a salute fired for them. Then the French
man always got mad because he did not
get as many guns as he thinks he ought
to. have had, and the minister had three
months correspondence on his hands be-
fore that is settled. You think it is all
over now? The trouble is only about to
begin. There are dinners, lunch parties,
dances, serenades, visits to be paid, and
the de vii to pay if the foreign represen-
tatives do not not receive their return
calls before the week is out
"Why, it is positive fact, We have
been living since last September within
five miles of the greatest sight to be seen
in the world almost-the Pail or
Parl,' precipice 1900 feet high, over
which kamehameha drove the army that
opposed him-and to-day is the first day
that have found it possible to go up
andse it. That Iran away, literally, on
the day before the mail closes, in order
to see it now will, l trust, be fact of
some significance. l have no time to
write about it, however, though | am
stuffed full of its beauty and grandeur.
1t will have to wait"