The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-11-30
NUMBER 7.
PASSING SMILES.

| WIEN l'dNiu siuHR tuc Stuue az MIN
Because such a thing never entered his
head before.
JULIA WARD HOWE says she has
lived long enough in the United States.
! No one else had mentioned the fact for
fear of hurting her feelings. -Neac Or
leans Picdyune.
ARcHIE-"See, old man, how l am
! hunted after; all these are invitations"
| Friend" Good gracious all invita-
| tons? Invitations to whatp Archie
"ro call and settle their accounts"
A YOUNG doctor in Norwalk spends
his leisure hours practicing on the cor
net, and passers-by, thinking an ampu-
tation is going on inside, are deluded
Us to the number of the mans patients.
SOME hoodlums threw an .inofiensive
Chinaman from bridge. The China
man held to a post in the water until
he was rescued. This demonstrates
the superiority of water with stick
| in IL.
DIR. CHALMERS used to say that when
one is in the act of tipping his hat to a
lady whom he supposes to be an ac-
quaintance, it requires good deal of
tact to make believe that he is only
scratching his head when he finds she is
stranger.
A POLICEMAN, Selling man who is
about to blow his brains out, cried:
Unhappy man, what are you going to
dor Kill myself; my misery is too
great" "But reflect, then. II you
commit suicide now, what will you do il
times become worsep'
WHEN woman gets red spot on the
end of her nose the world charitably re-
marks that her blood is out of order;
but Just let that red spot appear on
mans nose and every one will declare
they smell whisky as soon as they get
within twenty feet of him.
"KEEr way from dat niger, tell
you" said Uncle RUDE to his sable
daughter; keep way from him. He's
like what de 'postle John lived on in de
wild ness" elbows dat?" she asked.
Low Gus an wild, honey" replied
Uncle RUDE.
A CONTEMPORARY says: Edison has
worn his head nearly bald trying to in
vent machine that would calculate
with some kind of accuracy the differ
ence between the weight of fish when
it is first taken out of the water and
when IL gets into the newspapers.
NOPE.
| White az II white sail on dusky sea,
When half the horizons olouded and half free,
Hating between the deep wave and the sky
Is hopes last CLEAN In mans extremity.
Her anchor parts; but still her snowy sail
Attracts our eye amid the rudest gae
Though every wave she climbs divides us more,
Tue heart ttill follows from the loneliest shore.
-Anon.
"Is Mr.. Murphy in, Mrs. MurphyT
!" Ye know he isn't, Mr.. Rafferty,"
An is he out, Mrs. MurPhyf' eye
know he is, Mr.. Rafferty," Z" An are
We in, Mrs. Murphy" "Faith, an We
know am, Mr.. Rafferty," cam am
out, Mrs. Murphyw "Yis an be the
loikes av we, yell stay there, Mr.. Raj
ferty." And the door swung 10 with
bang Yonkers Gazette.
LADY-"I bought a piano of you
about three months ago; do you remem-
of itW Lady--"I can't make out
what's wrong with it. Half the keys
won't sound, the top is all warped and
the bottom has come out" Agent
Keys won't sound? Bottom has come
out? Whyyou must have been playing
on It'll"
THERE used to live bird, whose post
office address was New Zealand, named
Dinornis Giganteus, that looked calmly
down on the man who came out to look
for nice bird for Thanksgiving from
the proud height of ten feet, and its
drumstick was a yard long. In those
days the head of family hesitated
long time before he nerved himself to
comply with the requirements of the
Presidents Thanksgiving Proclamation.
The following incident occurred at
Oxford. A venerable divine was riding
along and saw youthful son Of Ham
going down the street displaying flag
of truce in the rear. The Doctor being
near-sighted, supposed the African was
about to lose his handkerchief, and 30
called out to him. The negro looked
amazed, and said, Boss, dat handker-
chief is buttoned round my neck. The
Doctor drove on, singing Jerusalem,
my happy home"
THE Cincinnati Gazette, having in
vestigated the tramp question, has come
to the conclusion that /" Superinduced
cerebral uneasiness, without counter
balance of digested and assimilated
knowledge, and memory plethoric
with the husks of a vapid erudition, con-
stitute the proper receptacle for those
half ideas and one-sided ratiocinati0ns
which impregnate men with the belief
that they are in advance of the age in
which they live, and were born to be
the ronovators of society and the har-
bingers of a new dispensation."
A BUTCHER complained to a lawyer
that somebody's dog was in the habit OF
stealing meat from his cart, and asked
what he should do about it. The law
yer replied, Prosecute the owner, OF
course" But" said the butcher, it
is your dog" II will pay the bill"
said the lawyer, bringing his hand down
suddenly on the place where his pocket
book was supposed to be, g if you will
tell me how much the meat was worth"
The butcher replied, About one del
lar" "All right" rejoined the law
yer, "hand over one dollar to me and
we will be square. The advice which |
gave to you in the beginning is worth
two-dollars."
TORPEDO telegraph posts, which, by
an arrangement Of supplementary cur
rents" are caused to communicate q
severe shock to any one i1eddllng with