Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-12-26
Humorous.

Humorous.
Sitting Bulls refrain: :" My heart is
IN the Lo lands. "-Nel0 York Graphic.
A prima donna is naturally timid
creature, for her art is always in her
throat.-Ptick.
Many a man is resolving that on New
Years day he will-a-es-chew tobac-
co.-NelU York Meil.
A true woman loveth fowers-the
kind the new fall bonnets are trimmed
with.-Ron,e Sentinel
When two girls meet they kiss. When
two young men meet they don't. That
shows who wants kissing the worst.
Nice little girl-"0h, do let me see
you drink" Captain Grogson-'Why,
my dear?" Nice little girl-"Because
ma says you drink like fish,"
Society is divided into two great clas-
ses, those who have more dinners than
appetites, and those who have more APP
petites than dinners.
Weary person on evening visit: CAV,
m just out of sick bed" Terrible
boy, "Say, Mr.. Johnson, what ais yer
bed?"
Weight for the wagon" observed
the farmer as he helped his 300-p pound
wife to a seat in the vehicle Albany
Argus.
We trust the undermost man in the
fight will not forget that the proverb
says the anvil lasts longer than the
| hammer,-OI Citu Derrick
When ship-load of seal skins and
bears hides reaches San Francisco from
Alaska there is a turin port in the
United States.-Ne1U York Mail.
Johnny what does your mother keep
a cat for?" "To lay Kittens" was the
unexpected reply. The question for
that session came to an abrupt end.
"Say, missus, won't you come and
teach us. We're going to bounce our
teacher; he's too SLOW" Thus did some
Brooklyn Sunday-school scholars re-
quest lady to take charge Of them
Sunday School Visitor.
'Georgy! do you know that your
Uncle James found little boy on his
door step last night, and that he is 60
ing to adopt him." eyes, mamma,
and he'll be Uncle Jim'S step-son, won't
he?"
The fear that is slowly but surely
driving Philadelphia insane is that the
angel Gabriel will sound the last trump
before the public buildings are COM
pleted.-PhiLadelDhia Chronicle Herald.
Just imagine the feelings of the man
who, the first day out, comes face to
face, on the deck of a European steam
CT, with the creditor whom he has sue
cessfully lodged for the past nine
mOnths.-Puck.
To preserves good joke-Put it in an
almanac, or rent it out by the year to
the circus clowns and negro MINISTRIES.
In this way spe1 mems have been kept
for fifteen or twenty years.-NeaU Orleans
PicdglLne.
The season for getting drowned while
skating opened in Canada few days
ago, and every little Philadelphia boy
owning pair of skates should at once
send his name. written in a clear bold
hand to this office. We MORALLY hate
to spell the name of drowned boy in
correctly-PhhudeLphia Ctr0nicle-HeraN
THE MILKMAID AND HER LOVER.
! "Ifthoul't be mine he fondly cried,
| The priest shall JOIN us now;
Those little hands were never made
70 milk kicking cow
May nay, the dairy beauty said
AS down she set her pan,
I'D rather milk kicking COW,
Than wed flirting man.
Only six months ago, when John Still
sob, of South Hill, married Nora John
son he called her This darling Nora"
And now, when he gets up in the night
to fasten spring clOse-peg over her vocal
nose he uses the same tender express
sion, but he leaves out the darling"
81 want, and will have, a wife without
falling" was the remark of a young man
who had three seasons OF experience Of
life. His sister with only country
girls philosophy, remarked: "Then
you'll never marry, she'll be sure to
want a husband of the same character.
| To find out how many flakes of snow
| fail upon a country town-pump, take an
elephant, Jagged 80 years and 6 days.,
then count the number Of hairs on his
tail, divide that by cabbage, and the
quotient will be the correct answer.
| The good woman who tied bunch of
variegated ribbon to the caudal of her
poodle, remarked that it was the duty
of every one to do something toward
making the world brighter and better.
She might not be able to point a moral
as well as the minister, but she could
discount him at adjoining tail Wash
ingtan Post.
No one ever succeeded in extracting
honey from a spelling bee.-Sunday
Dispatch. Didn't Ell? A young man
ubo attapdod SpoIlipo hoo in this
town three years ago took therefrom a
young lady whom he recently married,
and he calls her "honey" for short,
and thinks she is ten times sweeter than
that saccharine product of the bee.
What he will call her few years hence
is question we hand over to our puzzle
solyerS.-N07TiStow Herald.
Woman may revere mans powers,
his intelligence, and, mayhap, his super
iority; but when be comes to taking up
a pan of ashes, she covers up every
inch of hOOr around tho stnvn within q