The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-05-11
VARIETIES.
of awl-wnrk-Shne

Keep rather ahead than behind the
times.
Hartford has a Chinese baseball
nine.
The "watch'-word to bankruptcy
-"Tick"
The Maryland peach crop this year
will be large.
The perfect feminine eyebrow
matches the hair in hue.
1t is believed that Job never went
to dance in tight boots.
Infants first short clothes should
reach nearly to the ankle.
Brown eyes denote an affectionate,
faithful nature in the wearer.
When Cupid causes a girl to marry
a rich husband it is cupidity.
"A tender heart is priceless gift,
but tender head is great misfortune.
The members of brass band are
the only genuine horny-handed sons of
toll.
The Duke of Buckingham's daugh-
tiers know how to cook an excellent din
ner.
"A Nantucket man has eaten sixty
raw eggs within an hour, winning ten
dollar bet.
There is no peace for the bald
headed; just as tides are going out flies
are coming in.
"A novelty of the Paris Exposition
will be an enormous balloon capable of
conveying seventy persons.
One profession the ladies are not
likely to invade-The church. They
prefer giving to taking orders.
Yes, dear Lucille, we believe it was
Longfellow who wrote The Hanging
of the Crayon. oil city Derrick.
An editor wrote of "his many
friends among the Solons of the coun-
try" The printer set it up saloons"
Justice may be blind, but it always
seems sharp-sighted enough when "a
poor man is to be punished. Y.
NeaCS.
"A Cincinnati man in his will gener-
ously bequeathed the Christian religion
to his friends. There was no quarrel
ing over his corpse.
Judge Mann, of Petersburg, Va,
ordered thirty-nine lashes for each per-
son convicted of petit larceny at the
late term of his court.
Whenever tramp goes into a New
Jersey town he tries to tiatter the IN
habitants by asking the way to Wash
ington's headquarters.
Two reasons why some persons
don't mind their own business: One is,
they haven't any business; the other,
they haven't any mind.
Some scientific writer says that
mans tongue is the most flexible sub
stance in existence. You wouldn't
think it, would you?
"A printer asked young lady whom
he thought spoke too rapidly: "What
makes you hair-space everything you
say for?''-BreaktaSt Table.
Old Deacon Dobson always boosted
that he was prepared for the worst"
and his neighbors thought he got it
when he married his second wife.
Alexander H. Stephens got lost in
the United States Senate Chamber a
few days ago. After long search he
was found seated in David Davis chair.
The highest mark of esteem a
woman can give to a man is to ask his
friendship, and the most signal proof
of her Indifference is to offer him hers.
There are but two men in Bay City
who are not candidates for City Mar
shall. One is dead and the other is a
wooden Indian.-Detrot Evening Nea0s.
Mrs. Myra Clark Gaines, being
oclyaI hot hoI apoHIoI 30
SO long her youthful feeling, replied:
Soap and water and clear con-
science"
"A Minnesota girl has been serving
as brakeman in male attire. She gave
a civil answer to the questions of
passenger, when her sex was at once
suspected.
"A man called Askins has invented
coffin of glass. Too much glass has
often led to a coffin, but until now it
has never been used in its construction.
Askins is an Ohio man.
In Arizona there are four men to
one woman. Servant girls get twenty
five dollars and upward a month, and
there if a large and constantly-increas-
ing demand for them.
One of the recent wise sayings of
the lately-deceased Bishop of Litchfield
was that nothing is more out of
place than ostentation, pomp and cere-
mony at the burial of the dead"
An estimable young lady in Iowa
sent appealinglY to her parents, who
resided near by, to come and see her
before she died. They refused. She
had married against their wishes.
When young man in Patagonia
wants wife he rides out and lassoes
one. Our bilious contributor suggests
that in this country the other party
does the sharing. breakfast Table.
The other day a Mrs. Marks, of
Muscatine, Iowa, gave birth to twins,
who were joined near the breast bone
by ligament about half the size of
mans wrist They were still-born.
-Hydrophobia may be prevented by
climbing fence till the dog passes.
A carpenter for few dollars will make
you fence that can be carried around
for any emergencies of this kind that
may arise.
The Contemporary ReUieW says that
Maj. Walter Wingheld, who invented
the game of lawn tennis, or croquet,
hos dnna morn for tho 1yoY,a,, of Tn