The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-08-17
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Ibc Chicago IuWtS has si'o" 'iN ''''J~~N ~I
thought for years, and now 1t asks why thefr Is
no Mrs. Satan. Hasn't the Times ever heard oil
shc.devil?
A well.to-do farmer in Ulster county y; L.,
who wanted wife, took Worsjh on Irl'i 20! !ol "
month to ascertain her Housekeeping quantities.
She suited, and he married her.-Ef
Wen, what's wrong about chat?
If YOU take one of the ne~ silver hai-doliare'
nour n little muriatic aci2 on the figure oil inc
eagle. and set il out in the sun for twenty MN
utes. when YOU come 70 look for ii, II VIII DC
zone. And the tramp who took it will be gone
also
new English novel is called 'Sophie Crcwe'
But no one can fud out, on the most careful
reading, why Sophie crew
When YOU take an evening walk with her next
see that it is moonlight. The advantage OF II Is
that YOU can see the sign of the dangerous ice
cream saloon at sufficient distance to turn down
another street
One of the mcancst things in the history OF Hi
nois politics is the attempt to persuade DICK o@-
lcsby that he is not a candidate for reelection TO
the senate.
At present Mr.. Dennis Kearney calls Butler
va
rostrum." When he finds out that Butler owns
sl5O,0OO worth Of District Of ColumbaG per cent,
bonds, the interest on which is guaranteed by the
government, the horny-handcd California dray
man will speak Of him as 1.-THE cock-cycd Cyclops
of the bondholding thieves"
The Wheaton IHinoian asks: ''Why should
anv man swear" Wen, sir, did ever your sus-
bender come unbuttoncd behind and slip up so
I,l,,'. g. : I,,,
'The sweet singer of Michigan may be com
PEELED, by an impcrious family event, to lay aside
her pen for a season, but no such accident pre-
vents the genius of the Joliet Hcord from soaring
aloft and singing;
The melancholy days have come
The hottest Of the year,
When he who swears and almost mcts,
Seeks water, ice and beer.
There are $50 counterfeit bank bills in circula-
ton and we advise our readers to dcstroyal that
denomination in their possession, as they might
otherwise be arrested for "ultcrins" Fortu-
nately we find no so bill in our pocket book,
nor any other, IN fact
\ Buffalo man broke his leg in pulling oil his
boot. His ncghbors have no sympathy for him.
They say it is warm enough to go barclootcd.
At n Texas ball IA large number Of married wo-
men who had brought tLcir babies found it i'm
possible to dance unless some OF the young men
became nurses. The young men took the babies
into another room and changed their clothes, SO
that wien the mothers reached home that night
there was CONSERVATION over the intcrchangcs.
correspondent asks if Old Borcas ever had
any wives. Certainly. Have you never read of
the "Mcrry Wiyc, of Wind, sirY'
Butler and Kcarpcy represent admirably the
two wings of the Nationals. Both want 10 en-
brace, hut each is afraid the other VIII choke HIM.
". Y. T,TbtUe lRcp).
Though man never wants to laugh when n
fly alghts on his nose, he is generally ticklcd.
dcmcnted Californian was found wandering
in park at Philadelphia the other day and tax
en- to the police station Already fifteen good
Samaritaus have claimed him rs their long lost
uncle, father, brother, &c, and are anxious to
take the poor man home and care for him ten
derly. He has $4,000 in gold.
POETRY CHoQUET
IT'S pleasant at the close of day
To play
CrOquct.
And if your partner makes miss
Why, kiss
The siss
But If she gives your shin thwaCk,
Why, whack
Her 6acki-St. Lo,,is Joa,upL
If any subscriber finds a line in his paper that
he does not like and cannot agree with, if he will
bring the paper to the office and point out the
offending item the editor will take his scissors
and cut it out for him.-Pdts]"y F"2
rumor has gained circulation that a band of
Communists and Socialists. in New York, have
bound themselves 10 assassiuate all the great
men in this country. We leave for Canada in the
morning To remain until TIL, danger j. over -
Bayi'i'
''Ball to the bat. 1lc vampire said,
Is face 10 face the foencu stood;
Then the pitcher putch aud the catcher Clutch,
And the batter but ~ he Oughtcr should.
Adown the slope where the fielder fold
! liner hot ~ q hornet wang
And atwccu the optics hit bang
y houn,couS as hugshcad's hung.
ST. Lo,,s Post.
The Nationals Of Dauphin county Pa, not only
want the currency inflated. but the volume If
thad iI the Susgurhauua increased. BY all
means. Let the Government issue Il thousand
millions Of pieces Of pastcboard, each inscribed:
..-......-.. ..................
TIIG~ l. \ snNp.
'''sss'''
If necessary they might he made imterconycrti-
bic with paper At the will Of the catchcr-N y
World
Jabel Bronson, rustic rhymer, was challcng-
cd 20 write AN cptaph for Deacon Wood, who
was present. Immediately he made these lines:
within this wood lies Deacon Wood
The one within the other
The outside wood we know i good,
Bat doubtful 81 10 tother"
4 m0ukcysh lcitcr-apc N.--Kokak CoDsfi,u-
tim. 4 sharp lcttcr-Eccn O.-CaciHho'; Notur.
day N.gh \ nobhy lcttcr-bluc J.-Ebi,pLR
Dhia B,i.fH. \ singing lcttcr-bumbc b
Bos'oH Post. An ncbriatcd lcttcr-hish lin
CITY Irii'1~. social letter-crow K-B,,ioa
CnH. Idg. McdIln- leiter-.Ioc's F. \ fighting
lettcr-black J.
\ farmer named G.. smith, Twin. near Beverly.
Adams county "a few DAYS since became curagrd
al his vile for some supposed Oilcnse, aud started
Tor her Will revolver Sh. ran out II the back