The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-03-23
VARIETIES.


roes.
Wigs, in the language of flowers,
are lielocks.
The man who cuts across lots is a
sort of cross-patch.
Noise is one of the inalienable
rights of children.
The man who gives you the slip
The church usher.
In gents worsted goods for spring
quiet, neat patterns will prevail.
"A Detroit chambermaid calls her.
self :" the sheet-slinger of Michig an"
Mr.. Drinkwater appropriately rep
resents Maine at the Paris Exposition.
Why is good husband like dough?
Doughn't you know? Why, it's because
a woman needs him.
-" What is junction, nurse?'' &c
junction, my dear-why, it's a place
where two roads separate
"A coquette is rosebush from which
each young beau plucks leaf, and the
thorns are left for the husband.
People with bad consciences never
chew gum. There, girls, We'll help
you that much.-Edinburg Herald.
Measurements of 1000, 900 Ameri-
can white men give feet u inches as the
average.-Dr. Foote's Health Monthly.
Does it seem the correct thing for a
glee club to sing under lady's window
as serenade: darling, you are grow
ing old''?
"A young lady asking a gentleman
to see if one of her rings would 90 on
his little finger would be the strongest
kind of hint
Austrian doctors say that whoop-
ing-cough is purely nervous affection,
which can be overcome by strong eX-
ercise of the will.
Joaquin Miller is writing play
with cannibal for the hero. 1t is to
be hoped he will fully enter into his sub
ject. -LoDeU Courier.
1t is not considered the thing for a
lady to move her head when she bows
to anyone in the street. She must Just
bend a look of recognition, smile Gf
her teeth are good) divinely, and pass
along. Boston Gazette.
Mind your stops. A compositor, in
Setting up the toast: Woman-with-
out her, man would be savage got
the punctuation in the wrong place,
which made it read: woman, without
her man, would be a savage"
I have seen men who, at the mar
riage altar, thought they were annex
ing something more valuable than Cuba,
who found out afterward that they had
got only an album, a fashion magazine
and medicine chest. TaImage.
You can't kill 'em. A Phnnicia
IN. " cat that had been shut up in a
shed for two months and half without
food or water was taken out alive the
other day and attended soiree new
sicale on the back fence the following
evening.
You can teach boy that if he plays
the three-and-four domino on q three,
leaving six exposed at the other end, it
counts ten, in about five minutes; but
it will take him all day at school to
learn that four units and six units make
ten units.-Ronee Sentinel.
The body of Mrs. Nicholas Weiss,
who died and was buried near Fort
Wayne, Ind, ten years ago, was re-
Gently disinterred and found to be petri-
fed, the features being as natural as in
life. Her weight in the flesh was 200
pounds, but the petrified corpse turned
the scales at 1000.
"A painter had the following an
nouncement displayed on the front of
his house: "The Acme of STENCIL A
"learned Theban'' in the same line in
an adjoining street, in order to Guido
the "old original stenciler, thus set
forth his pretensions: Stenciling in
all its branches performed in the very
height of acme.''
The future of the monograph is
thus explained by Funny Folks: Ardent
Lover" You ask for some proof of my
affection, my devotion. What proof
can | offer you? Stay! 1 have it! l
am ready to breathe my VOWS into the
Young Lady's Best Companion, or
Breach of Promise Self Registering
Evidence-Phonograph! Therer'
"A Shoreham (Vt.) young fellow has
smashed the relationship slate again by
marrying his aunt and making his three
cousins his step-children, his grand
father his father-in-law, his grand
mother his mother-in-law, his own
father his brother-in-law, and himself
the uncle of his own brothers and sis
tiers.
Intention is everything. He meant
to be very consoling, and yet his words
must have been unpleasantly suggest
i've. The master called his colored
servant to his side and said: "Sam, I'm
dying; I'm going on long journey"
Sans eyes were moist, but he encour-
aged the sick man by replying: "Neb-
Der mind, massa, it's all de way down
hill"
One of our contemporaries has re-
ceived the following letter: ''Sir: 1t is
perfectly true that / have been con-
demned to five years. confinement for
forgery But as for the statement that
l had been previously subjected to eight
days Imprisonment for making dis
turbance at night, it is an odious and
infamous calumny-I give you my word
of honor it is.
The Colorado beetle commission
wants $25, 900 more to complete its re-
port AS this valuable and important
commission has already succeeded in
perfecting plan by which the Colora-