The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1878-04-18
TWAIN TALKS AGAIN.
Marks Speech at the banquet Given
Bayard Taylor at New York.

lore DSluS uAP1SpdIOO an S1IChS anu
undone. However, will say this much
it was a very good one, and 1 gave it
away, as had no further use for 1t and
saw that I could not deliver it. There
fore I will ask the indulgence of the
company here to let me retire without |
speaking. I will make my compliments |
to our honored friend, Mr.. Taylor, but | |
will make them on hoard ship, where l |
shall be fellow passenger.
Here follows the speech which Mr.. |
Clemens wrote out.
I have been warned, as no doubt have
all among you that are experienced, that
a dinner to our ambassador is an oeca.
sion which demands, even requires.
peculiar caution and delicacy in the
handling of the dangerous weapon of
speech. I have been warned to avoid
all mention of international politics, and
all criticism, however mild, of countries
with which we are at peace, lest such ut
terances embarrass our minister and our
government in their dealings with
foreign states. In word, have been
cautioned to talk, but be careful not to
say anything. ] do not consider this
difficult task.
Now, it has often occurred to me that
the conditions under which we live at
the present day, with the revelations of
geology all about US, viewing, upon the
one hand, the majestic CONGREGATIONS of
the silurian, ooolitic, old red sandstone
periods, and, upon the other, the afilia-
lions, and qualifications, and ramifica-
tions of the prehistoric, we are stricken
dumb with amazed surprise, and can
only lit our hands and say with that
| wise but odious Frenchman: ''It was a
slip of the tongue, sir, aud wholly I'M
Intentional, entirely unintentional." 1t
would i'll become me, upon an occasion
like this, purposely to speak slightly of a
citizen of q country with which we are
at peace, and especially great and gra-
cious France, whom, God preserve! The
subject, however, is a delicate one, and
I will not pursue it.
But-as / was about to remark-cast
your eye abroad, sir, for one pregnant
moment over the vista which looms be-
fore you in the mighty domain of intel,
lectual progression, and contemplate the
awe-compeIling theory of the descent
of man Development, sir! Develop
ment Natural selection! Correlation of
the sexesl Spontaneous combustion J.
what CULTS and whirlwinds of intellect
ual stimulus these magic words fling
upon the burning canvass of the material
universe of the soul Across the chasm
of the ages we take the oyster by the
| hand and call him brother; and back,
and still further back, we go, and breathe
| the germ we cannot see, and know in
him our truer Adam Aud as we stand,
dazed, transfxed, exalted, and gaze down
the long procession of life, marking how
steadily, how symmetrically we have
assembled, step by step, to our sublime
estate and dignity of humanity-oUt of
one Iowly form into little higher and a
little higher form--adding grace after
grace, and function after function, with
each and every change developing from
tadpoles into frogs, frogs into fishes,
fishes into birds, birds into. reptiles,
reptiles into Russians beg a million
pardous, sir and gentlemen-it was q
wholly innocent slip of the tongue, and
due only to the excitement of debate
for, far be it from me, upon such an
occasion as this, to cast seeming sluT
upon a great nation with whom we are
at peace-a great and noble and Chris
tan nation-whom God expand.
But, as I was about to remark, / main
tain, and nothing can ever drive me
from that position, that the contribu.
tions of the nineteenth century to sci.
but, of course they are. There is no
, need to dwell upon that. You look at ii
} yourself. Look at steami Look at the
steamboat, look at the railway, look al
the steamship! Look at the telegraph
which enables you to fash your thoughts
, from world to world, ignoring interven
: ing seas. Look at the telephone, which
enables you to speak into affiiction's re
) mote ear the word that cheers, and into
f the ear of the foe the opinion which you
/ ought not to risk at a shorter range
l Look at the sewing machine, look at the
= fog-horn, look at the bell punch, look Al
3 the book agent. And, more than all 6
? Thousand times, look at the last anC
4 greatest, the srophone, which will enable
Meody and Sankey to stand on the TALES
summit of the Rocky mountains and
deliver their message to listening Amer
lea land necessarily it will annul ant
q do away with the pernicious custom O
!, taking up q collection. Look at all thes
e things, sir. and say if it is not a ia
e prouder and more precious boon to hav
s been born in the nineteenth century thai
in any century that went before it. All
q sir, clothed with the ail>suficient grand
d eur of citizenship in the nineteenth Ger
n tury, even the wild and arid New jersey
8 man might-a mistake, sir, mistake
/; and entirely unintentional. OF all tn
t kingdoms, principalities and countrie
e with which it is our privilege to hol
peaceful relations, l regard New Jerse
as dearest to our admiration, nearest t
our heart, the wisest and the pures
e among the nations. retire the undiI
lomatic language, and beg your sympath
and indulgence.
I, But, as I was about to remark, it hS
J. always seemed to me--that is, of cOurst
since / reached a reasonable age-ths
this much-agitated question of futuI
70 rewards and punishments we've on
e upon which honest and sincere diffel
d ences of opinion might exist, one ind
q vidual, with more or less justice, leanin
W to the radical side of it, whilst anothe
e individual, with apparently equal jul
Z tice, but with infinitely more commO
r. sense, more intelligence, more justifcs
ton, leans to a bitter and remorseles
detestation of the pitiless primo
- of perdition---a slip of the tongue
u l do sincerely assure you'll beg yo
i. to let me withdraw that unintentions
e slur upon the character of that grea
/ and excellent parsonage with whom an
Ia whose country we are upon the closes
O and most intimate terms, and whO-it
:! no use, sir, will sit down; don't seer
!, to have any knack at a diplomat
# speech; have probably COMPROMISED
e the country enough for the present.
q Nonsense aside, ! am NEST sincerel
/. glad to assist at this public expression Q
}. appreciation of Mr.. TayloT's character
p scholarship and distinguished iterar,
r service. / am sure he is not merely on
f of the fittest men we had for the place
: but the fittest. In SO honoring him, GU
= country has conspicueusly honore
f herself.
! Wonderful SPIDERS Web.