The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-03-16
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The solemn announcement Is Hl'uc 'h"' III
Washburne family are now out of Office Inc
should emigrate TO Ohio.
Don't Drink My Boy Tonight is the title {
a new song. What on earth would anyone wan
to drink her boy for, we wonder!
Marie Rozc, while singing in Chicago, kissc
n child who handed her bouquet from prose-
mum box. Soon afterward a man handed he
another, and a cry from the gallery, "Why don
you kiss him. made the audience laugh
No man was ever yet on the wrong side in
lawsuit that was not firmly resolved TO carry Tn
contest TO the United States Supreme Court
Detroit Free Press.
'Walloping their own jackass" ism an clegan
phrase but the Chandler republicans Of New
Hampshire use it as explanatory Of the vote the.
propose to give against Hayes.
The Iowa Senate has Newman who makes
opening prayers like this: 1--WE pray thee, c
Lord that although it may not be pleasing tc
many of thy servants yet we would beseech thy
blessing upon the President of the United
States"
Down in Reynolds county, Missouri, a good
dancer is called chiefly sock swinger."
writer in a Syracuse paper is dilating upon a
Philosophical View of the Hog" The editor
heads it "An Autobiography
Thomas jefferson Vim of Jefferson county,
aged 81 years, had his legs broken twelve times,
his arms four times and one of his eyes is out, -
and he never was married either.
What grand sentiment is human sympathy!
The Chicago Times feelingly remarks, alas.
The Moolla of Kotal has followed the Akhoond Of
Swat to the dark and silent tomb"
They hung negro down in cold Virgnny"
on Washington's birthday 1t was done at the
special request of the party most interested in
the matter who desired to actively participate in
celebrating the day. 1t was a successful circus.
Didn't some one say there was no rhyme for
whooping cough? Bah!
The Smiths they have the whoopng cough,
And one by one they're dropping off.
There now That's one of our best. We're
going to have it stuffed
A correspondent asks: 'What is the best meth
cd Of feeding cattle in the winter?' We don't
exactly know. One man might prefer TO take an
OK in his lap and feed him with spoon. Others
would bring him into the dining room and let
him sit at the table with the old folks Tastes
gran.
A handsomely dressed woman at a recent per.
Torrance Of Hamlet" given by Edwin Booth,
in the Brooklyn Academy, turned TO her compan-
ion, in the midst of the first act and asked audi.
bly,: (Which is shakespeare She was told
that Shakespeare was the author, and then asked
again, this time petulently: "Wcll, what is it
all about, any wayr' litter ran around the
audience seated near ner, ana ne, companion
face turned all manner Of colors.-N. y. Sun.
Burlington Hd,ck-Eye The question before
the Pilot Grove literary society for discussion at
their next meeting: 'ls Hayes democrat or
a republican,
When that lucid question is disposed of the
society will be ready to grapple with the kindred
one to wit, SIS a beet II turnip or squashT
Ex.Gov. Packard, of Louisiana, being recently
bored by a discussion on the part of some friends
whether he was governor de jure or de tdcto, be-
ing appealed TO said he was ncithcr-he was a
governor dJancto.
February, March!-Cdnlm POST After that
April, May.-W Cay D,rrick So MAY, June
but don't July!
When Henry Ward Beccher was sworn in as
Chaplain Of the centh New York regiment
at Brooklyn'is they say the first question
he asked wasyl they had daughter OF the
regiment
"oleomargari the name they give to a
goat up among ltes, because IL is such q
bad butter.-Ns Mai.
a coquctte, ac,o onyto snodgrass, is a rose
bush from which each young beau plucks leaf,
and the thorns are still left for a husband
ben Butler told a !Sua's correspondent that he
would not have anything more TO say about the
Simmons affair until next fall. There was a
smell Of coming trouble in those last three words
that Hayes politician must have dull nose
who does not sniff ii.
Gregory of the Buffalo Express modcstly replies
to the PittSburg TIegrqph's inquiry, "Can two
constitute riot:" by saying, Not unless they
happen to be married."
A health journal says: "rhc clothes of differ
Crt families should for sanitary reasons, be wash
cd apart" Our laundry man goes still farther.
re washes our shirts aud our buttons apart
Dsrtcr Smil'S.
The killephonc Is the reverse Of the telephone;
by using it you can avoid hearing a chatterboX
not a foot distant and cats may howl all night nj
your ridgcpolc without your knowing IT, Even
your neighbours corner becomes innONious, and
The hand-organ loses its sting .-L,'oN Co1ricr.
Said Sarah 10 her Noah, DEAR
This world would surely be-
\ desert with no oasis
We're bercft of thee"
All, lovc." said he, there's one who in
That sentiments sharer,
: Noah, els, who will not be-
Bcrcft of his sahara
I'll Perkins writes Ia u Philadelphia paper an
account Of a recent visit TO Marshhcld, the home
u Daniel Webster, where lac interviewed an old
lady who had known the great statesman from
his childhood and said Dan was a good hoy
while be lived at Marshheld, but after he went To
Boston he took to drinking and carousing, and
never amounted to much. Inasmuch a. Daniel
Webster never lived in Marshllcld until he was
well along in life It is obvious that either the
Hon. Eli Perkins or the ccntennarian lady must
be guilty Of a slight incorrccincss Of language.