The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1878-01-30
THE WRONG UMBRELLA.

The laxlty OF public morals IN the
matter of umbrellas is truly awful, but
retribution will sometimes overtake lim
who plots against his neighbors para
chute. Let me tell how it overlook me.
A long time ago was madly enamored
of Mary Jane Bowles. Mary Jane was
what You would call pocket venus, and
often have been tempted to tuck her
under my arm, like packet of sugar,
and fly to the nearest desert sland. She
was an artless girl, and very fond of So
ciety-especially the societyof young men
with whom was not on terms of ardent
friendship. I did not blame her for this
and when she invited me to tea and I
found that johnson had also been invit-
ed, my discerning eye observed that this
was not coquetry, but pure exhuberance
of spirits. Mr.. Bowles, noticed, was
of the same opinion, and it was a great
satisfaction to me to have my Judgment
confirmed by 80 experienced a parent.
Mrs. Bowles, had she been alive, would
no doubt have agreed with us.
I had known Mary Jane since she wore
short frocks. johnson had known her
about month. It was pleasant to hear
her call me Sam and him Mr.. johnson,
but somehow the Familiarity in my case
seemed to have bred, not contempt-oh
dear no nothing of that kind-but, q
sort of nonchalance of manner. How
useful the French language is when one
wants to express verv delicate shade
of meaning y But that was her artless-
ness.
"Dear me, SAM" she observed at the
tea.table, "what have you got such g
long face for ?" Johnson's attentions
had made me little pensive.
Something must be long to make up
for the prevailing shortness," I said.
Johnson was not much taller than Mary
Jane. made a note of that sarcasm
afterwards. My impromptus are too
often lost.
Don't be impertinent. sir. Look
into that spoon. Your face is exactly
like the reflection you see there, isn't it,
Mr.. Johnson?"
He grinned. It was then I observed
for the first time the sir gular breadth of
his visage. His grin seemed to extend
across the room.
eff Mr.. johnson will hold the spoon
horizontally he may admire his own
image" I remarked playfully.
johnson grinned again. BE was one
of those insanely good-humored men
whom it is quite impossible to annoy.
"Sam, you are outrageous" said
Mary Jane. "Mr. johnson and I are
going to practice our duet. You stop
here and talk to pal"
Mr.. Bowles had to be aroused from
the doze into which he usually dropped
after tea. It was in that habit that my
penetration had detected his conviction
that Mary Jane was an artless creature.
Pa woke up and asked me what were
my views on tramways. His compost
tion was fine crusty conservatism, and
he disliked innovations.
Twas listening to the duet overhead,
and had very indistinct idea of what
the old gentleman said, and of what I
was saying myself. I cannot sing, but
it was not for that reason that 1 objected
to the preposterously operatic way in
which johnson was conducting himself,
Tramways, my dear sir, are, as you
30 Justly observe, the chief scourge of
mankind. From the earliest times they
have been noted for their hostility to
human virtue, and"
Ihave lands and proud dwellings,
And all shall be thine,
sang Johnson, upstairs.
"And it is, as you say, monstrous that
landed proprietors and bloated house
holders should override the popular pro-
test in this matter, especially as we know
that-that for purposes of drainage tram
ways are" VS..
"My dear boy, you are not we'll, in
terrupted Mr.. Bowles, kindly. "Hsve
q glass of water"
When I left The house that evening I
was thoughtful. Itstruck me that John
son had Mary Jane in his minds eye. /
could not damage that organ OF vision,
so I decided that nothing would be
gained by hitting him. But something
would have to be done. I wanted to
marry Mary Jane. She was charming
girl, and her father had little money.
My suspicious about Johnson were
confirmed next day. I met lively
friend, who said,
"Oh, you know Johnson ?"
"Well?"
"He's going in for the little Bowles'
Told me he should propose tomorrow
night when he takes her home from
Twig's party"
"Perdition !"