West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-11-16
WAITS AND wHIMS.


mud puddle.
a roADsrooL fifty-four inches round
and weighing thirty pounds has been
found at Elkhoru, Wis. r,
OF course man is allowed 10 have n
barrel of cider about the house for vine
gar, If he does practice temperance.
Coon news for the boys of America.
\ big shinglemll at Big Rapids ex-
ploded the other day, and tore itself all
to pieces.
THE price of wheat is no low in Eng.
land that mn agricultural paper advises
farmers TO feed il (wetted and allowed
To fermcnt) 10 stock.
A GEORGIA negro, whose father had
refused him the loan of mule To attend
II funeral, organized funeral at home
by killing the old man.
THE foundation for the mcanest man
is laid when small boy turns the worm
hole in an apple for his companion TO
bite Irom.-Fdyefte Record.
The courts of England have decided
that when two passengers quarrel about
opening n window in u car the decision
of the conductor shall be final.
4 REPORTER of n California FREQ fight
says; "Colonel --- was shot once I'm
the left side, once in the right shoulder,
and once in the drinking saloon ad-
iacent."
PARIS women are wearing shoes made
of serpent skin, and the next thing You
know some crazy Frenchman will be
wearing reptile on his head. ReokUk
Constitution.
TIE estimablc Sam. Ward, bon uipant
un lutn IL of Ln 1 lnl hxf ali,
ob,ervcs that il takes two properly To
enjoy canvas-back duck: /. You.
.. The duck
\ KENTUCKY editor says neighbor
of his is so lazy that when he works i'm
the garden he moves about so slowly
that the shade of his broad-brimmed hat
kills the plants.
A WRITER i'm Land and Water tells
how an exasperating donkey was kept
from braying by weight appended TO
his tail, for it seems that donkey al
ways must lift that appendage when
braying.
A YOUNG lady riding over Brighton
(England) downs remarked that her
horse went oddly, and presently it
dropped dead, having been shot by a
bullet by some of the Sussex Rifles at
inc HelBnoOIlnB range.
WHY is it that fve.sixths of mankind
when cutting open slap-jack and find
ing a roach therein, instead OF feeling n
flood of pity at the fate Of the animal,
90 around for the cook with slung-shot
up their sleeve p WheeIing Leader.
IT makes young men feel very much
as if some things i'm the world were all
rain to sing Come to my bosom, come
love-" under window and then. hap
pen TO see sign "To let" on the door,
Breakfdst Table.
HORSE, talk such IA that indulged in
by the sporting baronet in "The Jealous
Wife" is now fashionable in English
society. "Awl introduce me TO that
little filly standing beside the old cob
in black She PAGES well"-Mew York
Commercial.
AN uncle recently found his nephew
playing the violin, and the following
hits took place a. fear, nephew, you
lose great deal of time with this
iddling." Sir, | endeavor 10 keep
time" You mean, rather, TO kill
time" No, | only beat time"
Az Iowa deacon went into his barn
the other evening 10 milk COW, and
tail The foundation stones OF the barn
and some Of the cows bones were found
all right next morning, but the deacon
has not been heard from Boston Post.
LOVERS sat beneath the shade,
And un2 the other said:
How IL that you be9
Hath smiled upon tois suit Of mine
n 6a heart, II palps you--
Thy voice IL mu6 melody
lis 10 be thy loved p
say, Oy nymph, wilt marry me2"
81. louis Journal
Ar recent meeting Of the London
Horticultural Society a drawing was
exhibited Of n Virginia creeper, which
had encircled n bottle weighing three
ounces with one Of . its tendrils, and
carried il from the window-sill, on which
IL was standing, several feet downward
TO the level Of the window below.
"IS my airIy days" remarked the
/ old man, as ne shoveed coal into the
school-house bin, they didn't use coal
/ TO keep us school young 'uns warm, !
] kin tell YOU" What did they use p
asked a boy, near by. A sad, far-away
| look seemed to pass over the old mans
face, ~ he quietly responded, Birch
my boy birch. "-EriOin Wood.
Ir is explained that the frequent myg-
teriOus burning Of hay-stacks and
farmers buildings are caused by wasps.
/ When one of these insects sits down on
a man to rest its weary limbs, the man
is sOOn convinced that the wasp carries
big connagration in its pistol-pocket-
Tho firing Of the barns, etc, however, is
caused by the spontaneous combustion
Of the wasps' nest.--NOrrisfOion Herald.
GIVE us liberty, or give us death I"
is q good political sentiment, but the
hummer element in politics make it.,
give us whisky, or give us beer"
Yes she replied as she turned away
her face, 81 think whisky store
must be burning down and you swallowed
some Of the smoke"