The crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1877-1878, 1878-02-21
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.
Riches that have wings----Gold eagles

Riches that have wings----Gold eagles.
A word to the wise is sufficient; but
nobody is wise.
"No moose is good news" as the re-
prieved criminal said.
The photographers soliloquy--."ls
this Daguerre which l see before
meP"
When a man is "rooted to the spot"
by fear, does he branch out before he
leaves?
The difference between boy and n
barn is that shingles are applied to the
roof OF the barn.
"Yes," said the old reprobate; Il al
ways recognize water when see it----it
looks so much like gin"
1T that a brewery" asked fellow
passenger on one of the up-river steam
ers, as she approached the house of cor
rection. NO." responded bystander,
1T is rectifying establishment"
An Irish soldiers hat fell overheard
and he reported the fact to the captain.
The latter replied that he could not
stop the vessel, but that he would make
nick in the rail where it fell.
Down here in summer time We take
life easy, says Texas paper; and then
as if to confirm the statement, there
appears in the next column an account
Of "Three men killed at camp-meet-
ing"
lie gave his youngest son box Of
tools and n quart bottle of mucilage.
And now he thinks it is hi turn to treat
himself. He is treating himself to a
new carpet, parlor table, several rolls
of paper and yard section of rattan.
A man being tried for assault and
battery in Virginia city, Nevada, when
asked by the Judge if he had anything
to say by way of defense, replied:
well your honor, Isaw but little ofthe
fight, as | was underneath most of the
time"
Consolation -Inebriate- Nov, look
here; what l shay is, what's the use O
riches? 'Sposc mans Il Roth--you
know---a Rothchild's bank, eh? well,
what's the good of it? He can't get
no more drunk than l can--now can
he?"
Will somebody hand us spade and
direct us to some lonely spot ?--RocteSter
Democrat. Yes, let somebody hand
you the ace of spades when you are
drawing for flush of hearts, and you'll
think it is the loneliest spot that you
ever saw,
Clothes-pins are now shipped to New
Zealand. The natives use them for ear
rings, but an old chief who got hold of
one with half-horsc power spring in
its back and hooked it on his nose was
looking around ten minutes afterward
for a missionary to kill.
A gentleman having occasion to
call on q solicitor, found him in his
office, which was very hot. He remark
ed the great heat of the apartment, and
said ut is hot as an oven" 80 it
ought to be, replied the lawyer, "for it
is here make my bread"
The following is San Francisco adj
vertisement: Correspondence is solic-
licited from bearded ladies, Circassians,
or other female curiosities, who, in re-
turn for true heart and devoted hus-
band, would travel during the summer
months, and allow him to take the mon
ey at the door"
"Give me some cold rice" said a
guest at hotel to n waiter "Dere
amt none sah." "Why, what's that on
the sideboard in that dish here?" dat,
sab, am cole billed rice. You asked
simply for cole rich, sab. Please be
exact in your language, sab. Shall |
glib you some of de cole billed rice sah?'
"Do you know" remarked n rather
fast Newark youth the other day to a
suffering friend, to whom he wasslight-
ly:indebted, "do you know that l intend
to marry and settle down." IL do
don't know anything about it, " was the
reply; "bu-but l think you had b-b-bet-
ter stay single and settle up"
A schoolboy being requested to write
composition upon the subject of pins
produced the following: Pins are very
useful. They have saved the lives of a
great many men, women and children
in fact whole families" How so?"
asked the puzzled teacher. The boy
replied: why, by not swallowing
them"
+ A little girl said to her mamma on
going to bed, II am not afraid of the
dark" mo, of course you are not,
replied mamma, "for it can't hurt you.
But, mamma, was little afraid once
when | went into the pantry in the
dark to get some cookeys," what
were you afraid OFF," Il was afraid !
couldn't find the cookeys."