Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-09-06

If man empty his purse into his
head, no one can take it from him
Yes" said man, as he bent his
elbow to raise the twentieth glass Of
! beer, sit is Overwork that kills"
The London, Eng, Tslegraph has
circulation of 2400OO, or one copy for
every Is of the population of the city.
1t was once said of the young ladies
of Paris. that they loved with their heads,
nd thought with their hearts. There
re many young gentlemen of our day,
who do neither with either.
What will a long-suffering public
not be called upon TO tamely endure af-
ter the following: Why are four singers
like one-fourth gallon of consumed bit
ter beer? One is a quartette, and the
other is quart drunk.
Slate is kind of stone not crys-
| tallized, but foliated, or composed of fiat
| layers, which may be easily separated
| from one another. In color it varies very
! much; the most common is BLUSH black;
other kinds are green, brown, blush, etc.
Slate is not very heavy stone, it being
about three times the weight of water.
AT a London, England, police court
lately bookbinder's female apprentice
was brought up on charge of deserting
her employment, the punishment pre-
| scribed for the offence being imprison-
ment. She received, for working from
| s a. m. till 10 p. m, half of her earnings,
IL, i
| and sometimes fell below go, and, con-
! sidering the remuneration inadequate,
joined a pantomime company at Christ
mas. The magistrate found, of course,
! that the offence was fully proven, but
| adjourned his decision and dismissed
the girl on her own recognizance.
A boy called to see General Vance.
He modestly communicated his wishes
to the doorkeeper. "Have. you card
sirP he gruffly growled. "Cards," said
the boy, thoughtfully, mechanically
running his hand in the-rear pockets of
his coat, mo, sir, 1 don't carry 'em."
"Where are you from% inquired the
doorkeeper. ''North Carolina" was the
prompt answer. "Well, how do you do
in North Carolina when people go
visiting?" "Why they ride up to a
fellows fence and holler to him to tie
his dog, and they gets down and goes
in" was the laconic reply.
A BoY,-One of the best things in the
world is to be boy. Boys have always
been so plenty they are not half appre-
ciated. A boy is willing to do any
amount of work if it is called play. The !
feeling of boy toward pumpkin pie has
never been properly considered. A boy |
furnishes half the entertainment, and |
takes two-thirds of the scOlding of the |
family circle. 1t is impossible to say at |
what age a boy becomes conscious that |
his trouser-legs are too short, and is anx-
ious about the part in his hair. In fact,
a boy is hard subject to get moral
from.
Before she could utter the "Where
have you been till this hour Of the
morning, anyhow" which was tremb-
hing OH her lips, he said, "Bin t'ther
mindreadf; bet you 81 l can read yer
mind this very minnit." "Well, you
old fool, what am 1 thinking Of now%
she said in tone of sadness. Think
ing of! Why, I can read yer mind like
ther open pages of FER book; yer think
L ~ |
never was worse fooled in yer life"
She only said that there must be some
thing in mind-reading after all, for he
had hit the nail right square on the
head.
-"Can you cure my eyes% said a man
to DR.. Brown. eyes" said the doctor,
"if you will follow my prescription"
20 certainly, DOCTOR" said the patient,
'I will do anything to have my eyes
cured. "What is your remedy, doctors ~
you must steal horse" said the doc
tor, very soberly. "Steal a horse, doctor"
said the patient in amazement, how will
that cure my eyesP' "You will be sent
to State prison for five years, where you
could not get whiskey, and during your
incarceration your eyes would get WELL =
said the doctor. The patti Mt looked
somewhat credulous, but he did not
adopt the doctors remedy.
Two gamblers were in Leavenworth,
Kan., several years ago, with about $50
in their pockets. They desired to get
money enough to go to California. They,
went to separate hotels. One registered
as physician, and advertised a remedy
for cholera The other put large guam
tity of yeast powders into small packa-
ges, with little croton oil in each, and
hired boy to distribute them. Soon
family after family, affected by the GRO
ton oil, felt what they believed were
symptoms of cholera. The sale Of the
cholera remedy was enormous, and the
gamblers were enabled to go to CalIfor-
MIA. They now tell the story through the
Virginia City papers.
When a Fulton father came home
the other evening and stepped into the
parlor to fill up the coal stove, he was
Startled to see, when the flame of his
hand-lamp dissipated the darkness, that
his daughter and her ducky doodle Adolf
2hus were soiourning in the shadow of
the lowered gas-iet. But they were in
separate chairs, and were engrossed IN a
box of fgs. He felt compelled to ask:
Something the matter with the gas P
And the time-tired youth, grasping one
of the golden thoughts that overwhelm
MS in the time of emergency, answered,
rs he mechanically picked up another
.ig mo, sir we turned it down so as
not to notice when We bit into a worm"
PAT PROVERBS. the trial of the
Rev. Mr.. Vosburgh for the attempted
murder of his wife, a medical witness
has told of saying which deserves to
be hung up beside one that Mr.. Glad
stone heard in Ireland about the murder
of Lord Leitrim. An Irishman said
that the lord ought to have been shot
long ago. "Why wasn't hep asked the
ex-premier ooh, well, you know" was
the reply, whats everybody's business
is nobody's business" At Mr.. Vosburgh's
trial the wife's physician swore that one
when he found his patient sur
prisingly better, he said to the husband,
Really this change is most extraordina-
ry; cannot account for it; expected
this morning to find her dead" And
to this Mr.. Vosburgh is said to have an
swered desnnndinoly GA watched not