The Portland daily press., 1878-01-24

sonse of honor-but in case I really were such
man, how much would you give me?'
| Lady Jones: And so you went to Venice?
Saw all the sights-St. Marks and the lions?
Mrs. Crammer: Oh, yes, the dear old lionsi
| We were most fortunate the day We were there
| Arrived just in time to see the noble creatures
| fed!-Funny Folks.
The Squire "Well, Mossoo LIE Barrong, how
did you like the meet of the Queens hounds
this morning?" Distinguished Frenchman:
Oh, yer much! Ze paysage 1t was beautiful;
70 ladies zey we're sharmengs; and 70 costumes
we're ad0reabe! But-Zare vos no promenade
no band of musie-nossingP
Chronic.-Scene: A surgeons house. Time:
a. m.-Irate practitioner: "How dare you, sir,
come ringing me up at this time of the morn
| ing for no reason?" Inebrlated one: "No rea-
shonl I 'shure you Pm YER ill. Those con-
founded hiccups come back which sheizsd me
last weekr'
Said a college professor to . notorious lag
gard, who was once, for great wonder, prompt
ly in his place at morning prayers, and at the
appointed time: .'T have marked you, sir, as
punctual this morning, What is your ex-
cuse?'' 'S-i-c-k, sir, and couldn't Sleep" was
the reply.
An exchange, In well-written article on
physical culture, says, sit is wonderful how
fascinating the simple act Of walking may
become" All, yes; but for real enchanting
enslaving fascination, the simple act Of sleep
ing, especially at A. NJ, knocks the fasoina-
tions of walking higher than burnt boot
Augustus-"Aw, Miss Geraldine, 1 saw you
away down the road, and couldn't help fol-
lowing you-'pon my soul I couldn't ISL
lence.] I've been walking behind you for the
last half.mile You're not-aw-angry, are
you?' Geraldine (blandly)-"Not at all, Mr..
Stubbs if it pleased you. Why didn't you con-
tinue2" "Aw-thanksp' But what did she
mean?
Oh. isn't 1t nice to si. by the warm freside
| these chill winter evening, and hear the
mournful hyperborean blasts whistle dolor-
ously down the chimney flue while the snow
| drifts in great white piles against the sides of
| the house, and the jingle of the sleighbells is
heard upon the frosty air. and the hired girl
burns 1000 fset of gas in the kitchen, by the
| hourl
We don't want Moorish Township girl for
lung tester. At a singing school up there
the other night young man was Dragging
about the strength Of his lungs, and invited a
girl in the company to hit him in the breast.
| She said she was lsft-handed; had been wash
| ing that day and was tired and didn't feel very
active, but at at his urgent request she let 60 at
| him. When his friends went to pick him up
he said he thought he would die easier lying
down. He had lost all recollection Of having
any lungs, but the young woman consoled him
| by admitting that she didn't hit him as bard
| as she might have done, because she rather
liked him.-Edst0n Free Press.
The Watsonville Pajaronian tells how john
ny Sanderson received another terrible scare on
Christmas Day, and for few minutes the re-
spectacle house of Sanderson tottered on the
verge of a sad and premature ruin. The day
before, Johnny wanted to 60 fishing, and as he
could not get money to buy hooks, he made
about dozen by bending large pins something
| like the required shape. Christmas forenoon
| he had them in the dining room, and hearing
some boy whistling in the shrill way all boys
understand, he rushed out, leaving his pin
| hooks lying on the table and on the chair.
Johnny never gave another thought to them
until two O'Clock, when the family, including
| Miss Giggings and the minister, and Elder
Dalton and wife, cordially invited guests, were
| about to take their seats to an elegant dinner.
| "Sit right down here" said Mrs. Sanderson to
| Miss Giggngs. ''O-u-c-hp' exclaimed the lat
| ter lady, in voice of agony, as she rose from
her seat and carefully settled back again. Spar
son, take this seat; brother Dalton, Sister Dal.
| ton, this way" and Mr.. Sanderson besmed
| with that noble Christian grace-hospitality
"My Saveyerr' suddenly exclaimed that worthy
parson in stentorian tones that fairly shook
| the windows. 'Tmmortal ZachsriahP' echoed
| burly Deacon Dalton, and Mr.. SandersoD,
| startled at such an unusual exhibition,
actually gasped, as he dropped like pile
| driver into his chair. "Pull 'em outr' he at
howlsd, as he leaped, with staring eyeballs.
| half across the room. An immediate iuyesti-
| cation divulged the trouble, and quiet and good