The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1878-03-28
Our Grandfather,s DAYS.


One evening, after the children had /
warmed grandfather's slippers and put |
them on his feet, belated peddlar came |
along with patent FIVE barred gate to |
sell. The servant told him that the |
family was not only well supplied with |
gates, but that every horse on the farm
had q gate OF his own. The peddler
moved on with a sigh.
" The parable of the peddler and the
five-barred gate" said grandfather,
81 serves to show us the inferioIity of the
present aceof bipeds who iniest the earth
to-day and call themselves men, as COM
pared with the rugged sons of toll who
lived in my generation"
"Tell US about them" cried the
children, who had gathered. about his
knee.
"That's what Pm trying to do, amt
it T'' said grandfather, and he glared
saVagely over the group OF upturnSd
faces. Grandfather despises to be inter
upted.
"That peddler, if he shows no more
backbone and enterprise at other places
than he did here, will probably pack his
patent fve-barred gate into eternity
without taking an order. After I gradu-
ated from college my parents wanted
me to be doctor or lawyer. They lett
the matter to me, however, and choose
to Introduce into society a patent squirt
can, cockrOach and bedbug poison COM
bined.
ITO show the wide difference between
my vigorous style of pushing business
and this go-easy manner of the lattsr-day
patent fve-barred gate gentry, / will
give you little insight into my style,
in the days when we were young,
Maggie so to speak.
''The combined squirt can, cocl.roach
and bed>bug poison, of which as the
sole agent, was an excellent article for
the household, but it required pushing.
never allowed myself to DO put off with
a servants ruse, as was the man with the
tive-barTed gate. l soon learned that
success depended on getting in the house
and making short but eloquent speech
on the merits of the article direct to the
family. In those days. as now, servants
were instructed to admit no peddlers.
This did not trouble me much, but it
gave me some additional WORK. As, for
instance:
"When servant would come to open
the door in answer to my ring, your
| grandfather would be on the alert, and,
as soon as it was opened enough to admit
my arm, your grandfather would
reach in, seize the servant by the
throat and drag her out upon the stoop.
There l would explain matter to the
gentle gazelle. would tell her was
an officer Of the government, armed to
| the teeth. In accordance with an act of
congress was introducing patent so uirt
can, cockroach and bedbug poison COM
bined. l would tell her l had not
dragged her out of doors and cheked her
until she was black in the face because I
loved to do such things. My DISPOSE
ton Is as sweet as the sucking doves.
Anybody in the employ of the govern
ment could tell her that. | was obeying
instructions from headquarters. Gov
eminent appreciated the necessity of
keeping cOckroaches and bedbugs in a
state of subsection. AS its agent ! am
instructed to enter every house in this
broad land, peaceably if possible, torcibly
if necessary, and sell the inmates the
wonderful squirt can, etc, at the rate of
fifty cents can, or three cans fOr 81, with
printed direction on every label. Then I
would assume fierce aspect and bid her
! HE around to the back yard and stay
| there until I contaminated nv trade.
| As she shot around the corner my part
| ing words always were, And hank We
If you make any cutlery or sound any
alarum of distress, I'll seek you out and
shoot you so full of holes that Ihere'Il be
forty men here before tomorrow morning
| to buy your hide for a fish net Then
your grandfather would enter the house,
| tell the folks that the servant had been
kind enough to show me in, salute them
right and left and make my pretty little
speech This was always delivered with
such fine effect, together with practical
application of the wonderful contents of
the can whenever s cockrOach or bedbug
showed his head, that 1 only failed to sell
my preparation to those families who
intended moving in the spring, and I
cleared 81 900, 900 in a year"
Here grandfather's head fell forward
on his breast and be began to snore. The
children shook him up, and begged that
he would tell them about his pretty
speech.
"Pl speech you," shouted grandfather
as he shook the children off OF him. eft
you don't mind your business now and
let me sleep when l want to, I'll cut
every one OF you into shOestrings."
After a few minutes had elapsed,
mamma said she could not understand
how some people could tell such awful
stories as they did, and be able to sleep a
wink in q lifetime"
Papa said he supposed they got used to
it,-[Oil City Derrick.