Connecticut western news., 1878-11-13
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT AND WISDOM.
 It is thought that fashionable clearinghouse furnishes the best anti fat.
 It seems rather odd to see two men playing seven up for @ dinner that is to be eight-up.
 Every man is made better by the possession of good picture, if it is only 6 landscape on the back of hundred dollar note.
 Travellers should leave their jewelry at home-all but their bracelets which are nice for two wrists.
 The State Prison is the only place where the true minister wants to preach to small congregation.
 -" Where can I get good, cheap, plain board ?" asked the traveller. And the boys sent him out to a blaming mill. -' Oh, give me from your head one little curl,
 And will give to you whate'er
 You will what shall it be, my dear, dear girl9"
 Said she: "First catch your hare."
 If man doesn't know anything, and doesn't even know that he doesn't know anything, he is pretty sure to take upon himself the larger part of the conversation.
 When feller is too lazy to work says a wise man, he paints his name over his door, and calls it tavern, and, as like as not, he makes the whole neigh borhood as lazy as himself.
 If Noah had foreseen the future. and killed the two mosquitoes which took refuge in the ark, he would have rendered some of the strongest words m all modern languages unnecessary.
 A Western proof-reader has in- vented "borophone, by which he can tell the instant a man enters the sanctum whether he is going to stop his paper or sit down and read aloud from an exchange six days old.
 -"We keep our hangman for our selves and our children-not for the people of Kesmarkt, said, once upon Q time, the villagers of Lutsitan, Hungary, to their neighbors, who wished to borrow that functionary of them.
 Tt is said that there is one word in our language which is never pronounced right even by the best of scholars, and that is the word wrong. It is only fair to observe, however, that there IS an other word which is never pronounced wrong, and that is the word right.
 A squirrel saw 0 man late in the fall without an overcoat. Said he to Mrs, Squirrel "Going to be a mild winter this year, Nancy men go without over coats." Moral-It is as easy for the squirrel to tell what the weather will De by what the man wears, as for the man by what the squirrel wears.
 A seedy-Iooking individual stepped into one of our gentlemans furnishing stores recently, and asked for pair of four-ply cuffs. The articles were handed him, and he examined them in dubious sort of way, and then remarked; "See here These aint the right thing; want the four-ply kind-them tnat you can turn four times wlthout washing"
 He was arrested for not supporting his wife, "What have you got to say for yourself?" asked the judge. "Me and Byron are alike," replied the pr;soner "What do you mean by that2" said his Honor. "I mean," reloined the prisoner, "that neither me nor Byron ever could bear to see woman eat" "It's six months in the Albany Penitentiary," added his Honor. Good manners are the only thing which keeps in fashion all the year round. It is always in good taste to say something kindly, or to do generous deed. The world is so constituted, also, that it never fails to appreciate them. You can hardly lift tyour hat to passer- by without compelling him to do the same thing, or resist temptation with out receiving the applause even of those who have yielded to 1t.
 -huuOlpn OIaNSS HUM "e married long-1n fact this was the first pledge of love that had blessed the Graves union, that Rudolph, with total failure to regard or recognize the re- responsibilities incurred, promised to keep for an hour, during his wife's absence shopping. When she returned she found Rudolph playing the garden hose over baby. He had tried every thing else, he said, to keep it quiet, and this seemed to soothe it.
 A tramp, with big piece of mince pie, which he stated was the ninth he had been given that morning, appeared to Mrs. s. and asked her to swap 1t for boiled eggs. His argument was that he was dyspeptic, and that Mrs. s. "would have the satisfaction of telling the neighbors that Mrs. R. across the street uses allspice instead of cloves, and that the under crust is very slacked baked. The temptation was great, and the genteel tramp had his eggs and coffee and large triangle of frosted cake as Q honus