The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-02-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

A CULTIVATED ear-An ear of corn.
DoUBLE-TRACKs are splendid inven-
jon kind of collide-escape.
"AND what makes my little Johnny so
cross this morning ?" "Dot up s. urly."
EXPERIENCE may be dear teacher, but
she isn't any dearer than a pretty school
ma'am.
THE presiding officer at the CONNER
cial travellers dinner was hailed as the
4" drum major"
ARE your words of more weight when
you pro- pound anything than when you
announce it?
TAKE care of the pennies and the
pounds will be taken care of by some
other person.
The difference between a boy and
barn is that shingles are applied to the
roof of the barn.
"TELL your mistress that I've torn the
curtain" said lodger to female do
nestle every well, sir mistress Will
put it down in the bill as extra rent"
"SIR, do you mean to say that speak
falsely" said person to a French gentle
man. "No, sare, say not dat sare, L
say you walk around about the truth
very much"
Chow LONG are you going to stay
here?" "Why, my little dear?"
"Cause I'm hungry, and mamma says
we shall have dinner as soon as that
dreadful nuisance goes away"
FRED" said the young man the other
day after listening to his wonderful story,
" do You know why you are like harp
struck by lightning ?" "No, says Fred.
CT give it up" Because harp struck
by lightning is blasted Tyre"
Two HIGH SOCIETY little maidens were
contending as to the highest respectable
ity of standing of their separate papas,
when one sought to cap the climax by
the statement :" ia have you know that
my pa is the President of a savings bank,
and there's been Receiver. appointed.
So there !"-Puck.
"GIvE me some cold rice" said q guest
at hotel to black waiter. "Derc amt
none, sab. "Why, what's that on the
side board, in hat dish, there p "Dat,
sab, am cole billed rice. You asked SIM
ply for cole rice, sab. Please be exact
in your language, sab. Shall I glib you
some OBJ de cole billed rice, sah2"
TILE Detroit Free Press announces
that it has more poetry on hand than 1t
"can make use of for the next six
months" Now that the backbone of
summer is broken, and winter came ia
bowling with the New Year, we should
think the Free Press could make use of
about two bushels day-f its chimney
has good draught, that s.-Norristo,On
Herald.
A wELL-KNowN Crab Orchard man, who
Stanford last week with blue ribbon
pinned on his coat. A friend inquired,
Have you joined the Murphys, Judge9"
mot exactly," he replied 81 only
wear this in the hope that some one will
ask me to take drink under the impress
sion that I'll refuse. "-Stanfoi d (hy.)
Journal.
THE BRITISH LION
The poor British lion is feeling unweu
And what injured his health it is easy to tell
Twas a growl from Prince Bismarck, a frown from
the Gar,
That gave HIM bis cough and his nasty catarrh.
But his system Of Sate has grown feeble and weak;
There's no tooth in his jaw" and no bone in his
And what suits him is quiet and ood-liver oil.
Dublin Nation.
CRUMBS FROM THE BREAKFAST TABLE.
The boy who grows up with an over1
whelming fear of dogs will not develop
into book-agent in after life.
1t is ten times easier for a man to
thread needle than for young lady
with high heels and false hair to become
a student in a Quaker college.
O'Leary, the walkist, used to be
collector in Chicago, and that's bow he
happened to find out his legs would do
to bet on.
When Lycurgus ordered the Spartan
mint to make 3-cent piece as big and
heavy as grindstone, he was determined
to keep County Treasures from yearn-
ing to travel abroad.
A woman will lace frowning werld
and cling to the man she loves through
he most bitter adversely, but she
wouldn't wear hat three weeks behind
the style to save the Government
There may be an eternal fitness in
all things, but it's mighty hard fora I'M
shackled mind to make out wbya soap
fat man should have voice as plaintive
and full of woe as camp-meeting ex-
horter.
Did you ever read patent-medicine
advertisement without thinking it would
have made Solomon feel as though he
hadn't got much farther along than the
halfway house on the road to wisdom?
Whenever man begs chew of the
weed. he is doing little something tow
ard keeping the wolf from somebody's
door. The tobacco interest in this
country gives employment to more than
a million persons.
"I don't lose sleep worrying about
the silver question, said Origins; "for
il makes mighty little difference to me
whether have to pay my debts in rock
salt or cabbage-leaves. The tough end
of the problem is the paying part"