The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-11-14

| stuU lucy UTlnk anu Iucy 0S1Cs anu Iu0
eat and they drink, and they die; an
and then they write home to thei
friends, saying it was the climate tina
Though not so numerous as those Q
the Emerald Isle, Scotland is not with
out its specimens of this kind of blum
der. Two operatives in one of tn
towns were heard disputing about
new cemetery, beside the elegant rail
ing of which they were standing. On
of them, evidently disliking the cont
mental fashion in which it was bein,
laid out, said in disgust:
I'D rather dee than be buried in 81
q place."
"Weel, it, the vera reverse wi me. >
said the other; IS for I'll be buried nae
where else. if am spared"
A story of Dean Ramsay's is given o
half-cracked man in the parish kirl
of " Aud Ayr" who got his head il
between the iron rails in front of 8
seat, and startled the congregation b,
crying out in the middle of the ser
mon:
Murder, murder! my head III ha,
to be cuttit AFT. Holy minister! {
my head maun be cuttit aft It's judg
ment for leaving my godly Mr.. PEBBLES
This former minister) at Newton
When he had been extricated and quiet
ed, and asked why he put his heal
there, he said: =" 1t was Just to look on
wi another Monaan."
from absence of mind are the follow.
ing: A clergyman, walking one day in
the country, fell into thought. He was
so accustomed to ride that, when he
found himself at toll, he stopped and
shouted to the man:
Here! what's to pay?''
"Pay for what?' asked the man.
For my horse" said the clergy.
man.
"What horse? There's no horse,
sirr'
"Bless mer' exclaimed the clergy
man, looking down between his legs, al
thought was ON horsebackr'
Sydney Smith was not in general alb
sent-minded; but he says that once,
when calling on friend in London,
and being asked by the servant, "Who
shall say has called?' he could not for
the life of him recollect his own name,
and stared in blank confusion at the
man for some time before it came back
to him.
The first Lord Lyttleton was very alb
sent. 1t is declared of him that when
he fell into the river by the upsetting
of boat at Hagley, .'he sank twice
before he recollectcd that he could
SWIM"
A New York paper gives the follow
ing story in illustration of the absent
mindedness of the great Jonathan Ed
wards. When out riding one day,
a little boy very respectfully bowed
and opened a gate for him.
Whose boy are you, my little
man?" he asked.
"Noah Clark's boy, sir" was the an
swer.
On the return of Edwards, the same
boy appeared and opened the gate
for him. He thanked the little fellow,
and again asked:
Whose boy are you?'
Noah Clark's, sir-the same mans
boy l was a quarter of an hour ago,
sir"
Some blunders arise from misappre-
hension. A Bishop of Oxford sent
round to the church wardens in his
diocese circular of inquiries, includ-
ing the question: " Does your ofiiciat-
ing clergyman preach the gospel, and
is his conversation and carriage con-
sistent therewith?'' The church warden
of Wa.lingford replied: He breaches
the gospel, but does not keep car
rage"
A doctor who had one day allowed
himself to drink too much, was sent
for. to see fashionable lady who was
ailing. He sat down by the bedside,
took out his watch, and began to count
her pulse as well as his obfuscated con-
dition would permit. He counted:
One, two, three;" then he got con-
fused, and began again: "One, two,
three, four" Still confused, he began
again: "One, two.'' No: he could
not do it. Thoroughly ashamed Of
himself, he shut up his watch, mutter-
ing: "Tipsy, Ideclare-tipsyr' Stag
gering to his feet, he told the lady TO
Keep her bed and take some hot lemon
ade, to throw her into a perspiration,
and he would see her next day. In the
morning he received the following note
from the lady. marked "private:'
DEAR DocToR: You were right 1 dare not
deny it. Bat ! am thoroughly ashamed Of my
ee e the
ten-pound motel " and DO not, entreat Of you,
breathe word about the state in which you
The lady, in fact, had herself been
drinking too much, and catching the
doctors murmured words, thought they
referred to her. He was too far gone
to see what was the matter with his
patient, and she too far to observe that
the doctor was in the same condition!
The Rev. MIR. McDougall, of Paisley,
used to tell the following story: One
day he was taking q simple friend from
the country to see Garthavel; but pass
ing the exchange on their way to the
asylum, he took him to the door to look
in. The man, who thought they had
got to their destination, stood behind
Mr.. McDougall, and staring eagerly
over his shoulder at the merchants
stepping up and down and gathering
in eager groups, exclaimed with sur
prise, not unmingled with awe:
!" Is't safe, man?-they're a loose!''
There are some good stories about
mistakes as to persons, and with two
specimens of the class of blunders, we
will close our paper.
1t is said that William Nv. was once
kept waiting outside q certain part of
Windsor Castle, owing to private en-
trance being that evening in charge of
substitute who did not know the King
in his plain clothes.
"You can't pass, old 'un," said the
man, cheerfully. mo one is allowed
to pass here after dark except the King
and the lamp-lighter."
A mutual mistake was once made by
Lord Guildford and lady OF quality
in the house of Lord Melville. There
was dinner party, ut which Lord Sea-
forth was to be present. As Seaforth
was deaf and dumb, Lady Melville, be-
fore the company arrived, sent q lady
friend, who was familiar with the
dumb alphabet, into the drawing-room,
to be ready against his Lordship's ar
rival II honvHomo6 hnxuo~,nr %l>A