The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-10-03
WIT AND HUMOR.
From the Cincinnati Breakfast Table.

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From the Cincinnati Breakfast Table,
You can always tell gentleman by
where he splits.
A MULE will behave himself eleven
years and six months just to get one off
hand shot at middle shirt-stud
PATIENCE and gentleness are potent
and powerful, but they cannot turn a
mlll-wheel nor break up a setting hen.
WHEN ayoung man asked an old joker
the other day which was the safest bust
ness, he advised him to be miser
The man who can hum a hymn while
joining stove-pipe is good enough to
walk right into full membership in any
church, without probation.
IT is said that the United States has
more cattle than any other nation in the
world, which may account for the
university of bull-headed people.
SOME philosopher has said that "all
honest labor is manly" but it strikes us
that the fourishing. of ponderous
broomstick is exclusively womanly.
The man who comes in with bran
new one" and stops you from your work
to tell joke that you heard forty years
ago, is still among the boss nuisances.
TALK about Importance and self-asser-
ton, did you ever see young man come
out in plug hat for the first time, or
girl with a beau that came from Chi
cagO?
A GIRL may be too busy to dust down
the mantel-shelf, but always has plenty
of time to devote an hour to tying a
cross-legged bowknot in a wide pink
ribbon with blue edges.
A MAJ. Penn is running a camp
meeting in Texas with marked success.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but
gun pointed straight at man will
make him think of a prayer-meeting.
A WASHINGTON lady gave birth to five
children, the other day, and her husband
planted paregoric patch at once, and
went up to furniture store and left an
order for crate of cradles.
THIS is the season of the year when
the night air is very dangerous, but the
girls face death at front gates with the
same heroism which has always been
one of the chiefest adornments of the
sex.
JUDGE THOMAS, of Jacksonville, Ill,
was married, recently, in the 93d year
of his age. He explained to the heirs
that he couldn't get along any longer
without somebody to scratch his back.
SOME scientist has put flea under a
microscope and describes exactly how it
looks When we get flea we put him
under our thumb nail, and he looks as
fiat as a wafer when we get through with
him. 4
AN Illinois firm has put up a ton of
currant jelly this season. If this thing
goes on we will have to build boys with
fingers mile long and mouths forty
yards wide, to keep the demand apace
with the production. s.
TRAIN up child in the way that he
shall go, and it may turn out that way
| in the long run, but all the precept and
example ever promulgated can't save
him from the sheepish, awkward feeling
sure to seize him when he goes sparkling
the first time.
IT takes microscope of high power
! to make visible the toe-nails of mos
quito, but every individual scratcher can
be distinctly felt and believed in with
out any help from science whatever, as
the romping, hilarious little serenader
gallops over the cheek. ..-.
A BALD head is said to be an evidence
of early piety, but it requires a great
deal of that or some other sort of piety
to keep bald-headed man in good
humor when blue-bottle fly persists in
dancing hornpipe on the place where
the hair ought to grow.
WHEN a country editor, who is strug-
Cling along trying to rear large family
and build up town on an income of
$500 a year, discovers that baseball
pitcher hauls in $4,000 for a season, it
makes him sit down on roller-box and
think. ae
In Germany all fish are brought to
market in tanks and sold alive. A man
don't have to lie till his tongue blisters
every time he goes fishing over there,
but can walk into the market on his way
home and get the wiggling documents
to prove that he had tip-top good day,
and whole basketful of luck.
SOME fellow has written poem to his
girl, beginning, /" IF thou could'st only
know" Yes, If she could'st only know
the number of old socks he is saving up
to be darned, and the dilapidated APP
parel that's he will be expected to resusci-
tate, we have no doubt the course of his
trr1e love would begin to be less smooth