davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1878-01-26
SUDDEN.

A wedding as abrupt, if not a
fantastic, as Mr.. Wemmick' s
took place on New Years nigh
at Marlboro, On the Hudson
During the afternoon wei
known resident of the village
called on the Rev. DR.. Osborn
and invited him to dinner at
o'clock.
Bring a marriage certificate
with you" said the host ''wf
may have a wedding there to-
night"
The Doctor is a discreet man
and did as he was told At his
friends house he met a large
company, and after dinner was
announced took his seat at the
we'll appointed table. The host
undertook to carve the turkey,
but made such bungling work Of
his duties that one Of the guests
was constrained to remark to
him
"You should get married, then
your wife would teach you the
proper way to do these things"
The host did not deny the soft
impeachment, but told what
manner of woman he should like,
ending by saying /:
"Now, before we proceed fur
ther, 'spose we take a vote as to
whom | shall marry
The company entered into the
canvass with great hilarity, and
after the vote was taken it was
declared that the host was in
duty bound to marry his house,
keeper, young and we'll educa-
ted lady who had presided over
the establis hment for more than
a year. The young lady had
stepped into the kitchen to give
some final directions to the cook,
and when she was informed Of
the views Of the company, she
was completely taken aback, but
after the ladies had coaxed her
to give her consent, she placed
herself in the hands Of her
friends.
"Halloo lets get married
p exclaimed the host, with
the imperturbable Wemmick's
self-possession. The dinner was
suspended-indeed, it had scar
cely begun the bride took off
her white apron the bridegroom
his napkin the two
were made one !; the marriage
certificate was signed, and the
company kissed the bride ana
then sat down to dinner with a
first rate appetite.
The next day a spinster in the
hearing what had
happened, raised her hands to-
ward heaven and exclaimed, in
a spirit Of true devoutness,
Lord. how sudden! There's no
tcllin' whose turu'll come next =!
A crusty tenant Of a late laird
pressing him to complete some
piece Of work which had long
stood over, the laird craved fur
ther delay, adding that he would
give his word Of honorary, his
written bond-to have the thing
done before a certain day.
Your wordr exclaimed the ten
ant, "It's weel kenn'd that will
do me little guild; and as for
yonr writing, naebody can read
it"
WAS he drunk, sergeant?"
asked an orderly officer Of the
Of a barrack guard who
had put a soldier into confne-
ment. NO, sir" WAS he So
Der, then??' 'No, sir" How
then? Neither drunk nor sober?
What dye mean?' Well, sir,
the man had been drinking, no
doubt, but the liquor was just
1rinr n,,t nf him y
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1878-01-26

THE MODERN ROBINSON Cru
soc. There is a small island
about 200 miles east of Samoa.
which an American named Jen-
kins has re-empted. The island
is about four miles long and
three wide. There is lagoon in
the centre, which has no connec-
ton with the sea, AMI the land
consist Of a strip'around, varyin g
from one-fourth to over mile
in width. Mr.. Jenkins has been
very energetic, and is now reap
ing the reward Of his labors.
There is a good road around the
island, bordering on one side by
by the sea and on the other by a
row of cocoanut trees and bread
frnit trees. Mr. jenkins owns a
good. substantial dwelling house,
and the houses Of his hired help,
which consists Of several families
of natives ; good stone wharf,
a trim-bni't little schooner, built
by himself and son-in-law.
A ROYAL BRIDE. The Moni-
tear gives the dover of the In
fanta Mercedes at 81, 100000
sterling, independently of dia-
monds and other jewelry. King
Alfonso has ordered for her the
most eXtravagant parnres. Queen
Isabella. who the MDnzte,D says.
presents the only clouded brow
amid the general radiance, will
not q up the jewelry she took
from Spain in 1868 The Pope
is sending a diamond rose to the
bride, who. he trusts. by her
piety, will hereafter merit a
golden one.
A little boy who went to
church was told to remember the
text, which was: "Why stand ye
here all the day idle? Go into
my vineyard anG work and what
soever is right, that | will pay
thee" Johnny came home and
was asked to repeat the text.
He thought over it awhile, and
then cried out: What do you
sand ,ound here doing muffin
for? Go into my barn-yard and
work, and I'll make it all right
with vou.'
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1878-01-26
I.y. EnsHASs. .......... .: - "o''.'
4 VELSHANS & WOODS,

INSURANCE AGENTS.
FIRE, RIVER AND MARINE.
,ss Grayiier St., New Orleans.
Opposite Cotton Exchange
-esl3-
.,,a,r.riters Agency, of New York
ae1eo'''s' Assets, S 3.5OO,OOO
n.,,, Of Liverpool and London. $40 100000
es,s sssri.an Central, ofst. Louis 5 l,315,ooo
,ssmaercial sar Union Assurance Co.,
p'D- Of Londor, Assets, Sl7,7l4.57s
c,r,ar American, Of New York $ 100000
Nam pa,a|, Of Liverpool S25,5ol, ,s6s
,sg,,a,e Mutual Insurance Co.,
- of New York Assets. S 100000
an Fire and River Losses promptly adjusted
nj oai5 ID New Orleans.
gu .pnly upalr 10 A. J. MOSS. Agent,
..is 1917. Ncrmilionyille, La.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1878-01-26

The Chicago Tribune GU the new
Washington paper: "The man who can
90 ip,o!a newspaper graveyard, count 2l7
monuments. and then start another paper,
would herd sheep in tiger jingle, or
open an ipfan. school IN a small pox hos
p;ta',"
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1878-01-26
A Fine Distinction.

A young man, whose attire was clean
and neat and whose general appearance
was rather prepossessing, stood before the
bar Of the Police Court. BY his side
stood young man of about the same age,
with a coal black face and woolly hair,
ard who was dressed with all the gor-
geousness of swell"
"What's your name, white man T., ask
ed the Court.
''McFinnegan, sir.''
"And yours. my man and brother 2"
"Gawge Washington Jones, sah."
"What Was the matter, George Nv ASH
ington!"
'.sah. I'll tell you de truff, sab, was
goin' up de street, sail, las night, when
| met this man, an kine' Of jostled aein
lin. sab an he turn right roun', sab, a.
fetch me clip on de nose, sab; den |
calls an offisa' and had him arrested, an
dat's all de truff"
How was it, McFinneganl"
"Shnre, yer Oner, an it was all the
mayors fault I was comm down the
nv ME. quiet AS lamb, sor. sayin' notlin'
to nobody, viii, that spshlpeen came for
nlns, me, sor, wud his elbow, an | up an
hit him upon the spur o the momiut-'
"No sab, he hit me on de nose, sah."
"On the spur o the momint-"
"On do nose, sab"
"Nevvr mind fine distinctions" said his
Honor, sit costs n man $40 in this court
to hit man. whether it be on the spur
If HE moment or upon the nose. George
Washington, you are discharged
Mr. Charles Keade sends letter to
Harppr's Weekly, which ends with this
characteristic passage: Il believe that the
coming man IS The 'ei,her-handed man
that is to say neither 'right-handed' nor
s,f .han1ed," but man rescued in time
from parroted mothers, cuckoo nurses, and
>tstling nursing maids. with their pagan
nursery ,hym~s and their pagan prejudi-
cps against the left hand; in short, man
rs perfect in lis limbs as his Creator in
tend j, who has been deal kinder to
man than man has been to himself; for it
IS a'I mans own doing TINT he is any
more semi-p'egiac Of lop lmbed than q
i,on, raccoon, a fox, a tiger, or an ape"
A little boy, whose conduct made his
mother say that she feared he di not
pray, replied, "Yes, do; | pray every
nigh, that G,,d will III Ike YOU aud VA !ik,
u,v WAYS better
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1878-01-26

to $40 per gar;s day S St es se@e sfssgs Ssgs'ss
Co, Portland, Maine,
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1878-01-26

iss' !. cheai, fo,, cash.
IT,. \ t.''sy Spring Wagon, it witt
ii, ~, ~; Apply at this Office.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1878-01-26

A little boy, whose conduct made his
mother say that she feared he di not
pray, replied, "Yes, do; | pray every
nigh, that G,,d will III Ike you aud pa like
.llv WAYS better
Dodge City times., 1878-03-02
Peters Pence.

The Camerlengo, that is to say, the
Chamberlain of the Vatican, has found
in the Pope's desk 1920, 900, which, of
course, was only a little loose change
which the Pontiff happened to have
about him at the time of his decease.
The bulk of his property, amounting to
S24 100000, is on deposit with the
Rothschilds. This money, it should be
added, constitutes the Papal Govern
ment funds, and descends entire to the
Church. 1t represents the accumula-
tions of the Peters Pence" contribu-
tons which amount to nearly Sl5,0G0,-
600 yearly, a large portion of course,
being used to defray the expenses of the
Holy See The Italian Government
each year presents to the Pope S645, 200
for his civil list, a single note for that
sum being especially egraved. This
sum His Holiness has always declined
to receive, but il would doubtless aston
ish the Government considerably if q
less scrupulous successor were not only
to accept the next note, but to claim the
nine years arrearages of pay. To pay
out nearly S6,000,0O0 at this time would
undoubtedly seriously discommode King
Humbcrt's financier.
Dodge City times., 1878-03-02
Our American NeighbOrs.

The United States have upon their
borders, within easy reach, a number Of
national neighbors who ought to be our
customers. They are in one sense Gus
tomers-that is, we buy largely of them,
and they take our money and buy goods
with it of other countries. We refer to
Mexico, the States of Central America
and of South America, and to the West
India Islands. The character of this
trade with States almost at our doors is
shown in the values of what we buy Of
them and of what we sell 10 them. We
give the totals for 1877:
Dodge City times., 1878-03-02
THE HAUNTED SHIP.

] shipped in the Norway for the pas
sage from Cronstadt to Hull, and an
other English gentleman, who went by
the name of Jack Hastings, Joined heI
at the same time. He and | lodged to.
gether on the shere, and became some.
what acquainted before we became ship
mates. He was a man of considerable
information, and from his talk, had seen
his share of the world, but was not much
of sailor, as | had already surmised
from the cut of his iib.
We found Capt. Phelps of the Norway
Tartar in the worst sense of the word
and the voyage was any thing but a
pleasant one, especially to Hastings.
He had shipped for able seaman IS
wages, and his deficiencies were soon
apparent, especially to a captain who
had hawk S eye for the weak points in
q man, that he might come down on
him. As had a strong feeling of res
pect for the young man, stood his
friend whenever l could, by trying to
do more than my own share of duty,
and covering up his shortcomings; ;
but could not always be at hand, of
course
One night when il was blowing quite
fresh, and | was at the wheel, the Cap
tain was up, and had all hands putting
reefs in the topsails. The men had lain
down on deck, and were manning the
halyards to hoist away, when poor Has
tings, instead of the reef-tackle, let 90
the weather foretopsail brace, and away
went the yard fore and aft. However,
by lutiing up smartly, we managed to get
it checked in again, without carrying
away any thing. But Capt. Phelps,
frothing at the mouth, vowed he would
tan the clumsy lubber's hide that did it,
and would ''ride HIM down like main
tack He rushed a; Hastings with
piece of ratline stuff, and brought it
down once, with terrific cut, over his
neck and shoulders.
As he raised it again to repeat the
blow, while all hands stood looking on,
hushed into silence, voice from aloft
roared out:
Hold your handl"
The sound, which was wonderfully
loud and clear, seemed to come down
out of the maintop. The Captain fell
back aft, SO as TO look up, but could see
nothing.
"Aloft, there!" he yelled, in a rage.
No answer.
a. '.Maintop, therein
d" Halloaim was answered, spitefully
"Come down on deck -
"Come up here and see how you like
itin
The Captains rage was now fearful
to behold.
"Who's aloft therep Who is it, Mr..
Raynor?" he demanded of the Mate
''Nobody that | know of, SIR" an
swered the officer They're all here
in sight.
The men looked from one to another,
but the number was correct. The Sec
ond Mate, without waiting for orders,
sprang up aloft and looked over the
top-rin, then made the circuit of it,
looking all round the masthead, and |
himself alone. The Captain
dropped his ropes end and went below,
his mind in strange chaos of rage and
fear, and Hastings escaped further beat
or that night.
Dodge City times., 1878-03-02

habits and squandered all that mad.
While on one OF my sprees l shipped
and went to sea, and that is how yos
found me at Cronstadt. But l was nev.
er stock to make sailor of. Since
have returned have done well and
saved money, and you must allow th,t
l acquit myself better on this stage than
l did on board the Norway"
And that's the only haunted ship thst
ever | was in. I've heard of Others. but
probably those cases might all be ex.
planned in some similar way.
Dodge City times., 1878-03-02
4 MATCH.

II love were what the rose is,
And were like the leaf,
our lives would grow together
In sad or singing weather,
Blown fields or Powerful closes,
Green pleasure or gray grief:
II love were what the rose is,
And were like the Leaf.
II ! were what the words are,
And love were like the tuSe,
With double sound and single
Delight our lips would mingle,
With kisses glad as birds are
That get sweet rain at noon;
|: i were what the words are
And love were like the tune.
-.StriDbura
Dodge City times., 1878-03-02

When man wants to call puppy
he whistles, but girl just walks along
with her handkerchief floating across
her shoulder.-R0me Sentinel.
Dodge City times., 1878-03-02

In addition to these figures, we received
from these States, for expectation, mer-
chandise valued at about sc, 900, 900, in
cluding S3,300,000 of specie. The
heaviest items of import were coffee,
about S44 100000; hides, skins and un-
dressed furs, S11 ,OOO, 900; India rubber,
$4,000, 900; nitrate of soda, $1,000, 900:
sugar and molasses, from Cuba $59,-
100000, from Porto Rico $4,000
from Brazil over 100000; total sugar
and molasses, SCI, 200, 900; and about
q, 500, 900 of raw wool.
In return we sold them of our manu-
factures: Cottons, S3,500,0OO; glass
ware, S157 ,0C0; iron manufactures, 49,
270,000; steel goods, 100000; silks,
none; woolens, $4,000; lard, $780,
600. And this is the beggarly exhibit
of our sales of manufactured goods.
The whole continent aud the West In
dies, to whom we might sell S250,000,-
coo of productions, and especially of
manufactures, are lost to American
trade. We buy Of them Sl55, ,0OO, 900 of
their products and pay for them in bills
on London, and these bills are there
used to purchase cotton goods and other
British manufactures to be sent to these
American neighbors OF ours to whom we
refuse to sell Chicago Tribune
Dodge City times., 1878-03-02

Included in the imports and exports
were the following items of silver and
gold:
Gold coin and bullion on............S 1886 l5
Silver coin and bullion....-......-... Il, 2,ls54s
Sl5,l2l,64
Exports of gold and silver. l,l5O565
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-08-24

DR. It, F. LANHAM, of Newburg,
writing to the Journal oyer the sig
nature of Robin" tried to be won
derlully smart in his last letter. He
makes feeble attempt at tacetle
and shows himself fool. He shows
himself anything but gentleman
by referring TO matter which, If
true, would he no ones business
and by attempting to make a mean
personal attack upon us because we
told the truth about his clumsy and
Ignorant proceedings while chair
man Of the Newburg convention. II
Lanham will attend 10 his own bu-
siness and let that of other yeople
alone, he will not again be arreste
and taken before a United States
Com missioner for violating the u. 5.
Revenue laws, which be is still eiyly
and sneakiDgIy doing. He has nei-
Their Government nor druggists IL
cense, and it was but a few DAYS
ago he sold a gentleman a quart of
whiskey. We would advise DR..
Lanham to pull IN bis horns"
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-08-24
The Newburg platform. ,,

Owing to press oil other matters
we have not found time to devote
to the New burg platform much
OF our attention, but will now en-
deavor to pay our respects to that
precious document at some length.
1t sets out with the announcement
that THE nomine es are capable and
honest meni" Yes, yes; to be sure.
just 80. But as as this leading fact
was not 80 well understood over the
county it therefore became necessary
to publish it as matter of informa-
ton IN the rural Districts. This
precaution was doubtless taken IN
the interest OF Messrs. Crane and
Martin, az it would obviously be a
work OF supererrogation in the case
Of the legislative nominees; seeing
that we have experienced the mas
terful forensic genius of the hoDora-
bic gentleman from the west side, it
only remains to be said Of the Bob
Ingersoll rooster Of the east eide,
that having settled it that there is
no God, and knocked hell itself in
TO worse than smithereens, so to
speak, there could not possibly be
anything within the whole rangs Of
the most lively imagination that he
would not be capable" Of taokling.
Honest and c4pablel The trouble il
with tho lsnRuage--it is altogether
too weak to do the subject justice.
The second slab in this ingenious
piece Of mechanism points with
pride to the TACT that Republican
county officials have thus far eIcaped
conviction for stealing. The oficiul
standard for honesty must be low
indeed ia this county when 90 ques-
tionable fact is paraded and made
cause for public congratulstlon. Be
sides this pointing with pride" bu-
siness will not avail in the present
instance. The eighteen years rec
ord Of Republican rule 10 the coun-
ty 10 beiog condemned as dishonest
W the people; and this pointing
with pride" by this or bat ring will
not change the verdict There 10 a
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-08-24
The Editor Of the Journal, in clos.

The Editor OF the Journal IN clos
ing sn article about othrpg, Gays
And Georgia is not the only
Southern STATE that has changed her
constitution and put rebellion in it.
since she was admitted into the
Union. The representative of sucb
States should be kicked out of Con
gress, and kept ont, until the su-
premacy OF the Nation is scknowl-
ekge1 IN their laws and constitu-
tons"
1t those representatives are such
bad men and should be kicked out
OF Congress, means must be provided
to accomplish the result. We should
send some man there with the nerve
and brains to do it, He must be
sent as member Of Congress in or
der to add dignity to such grand,
noble and patriotic proceedings.
We have man in view who would
DO honor to the calling; and who,
we think, was born for the express
purpose Of kicking somebody out Of
CongI ess VINO might come from some
state which has a constitution that
is not framed TO suit his fancy. He
u 2 gentleman who, perhaps, would
be content with a seat in the Leg
islature Of bic State; bit when the
great and important duty Of kicking
men out Of Congress is uppermost in
the minds Of the American people,
he will listen TO the peadings Of bis
would.be.constituency aud no donbt
consent TO be drawn up higher. He
has brains, he has Wit, he has nerve
and power, and bis style Of kicking
men out Of Congress because they
are from The awful South, would
cause a wreath Of honor, fame and
glory TO encircle bic name ADD rec
ord which would neither rust, fade.
wither N cease to glitter throughout
siI ages 70 come Il is with great
neekness, bowed bead, closed eyes
and happy heart that we mention
the name ONO. We can't mention
that name. Our sense o un worth
ness is to great Will one Of earth q
purest and noblest sons mention the
Dsroe Of TIE editor Of the Joprnal2
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-08-24
Additional Local.
NEWBURG LETTER.
NEwBURe, Aug. 10, 1873.

NEWBURoI Aug. 10, 1873.
Editor Argus:
A young man by The name OF
Hull, from Bridgeport, was run
over and killed by the east bound
stock train at Rowlesburg. on Sat
urday night, under the 70 lowing
circumstances: he wac stealing a
ride on the train and was ordered
off by the conductor, and not COM
plying with his request he pushed
him off whilst the train was In
motion, ESQ said the dying man)
and the train caught him, crushing
his shoulder and hip. He lived
about two hours afterward.
John McCool, son of NJ. McCool,
Esq, is lying at his fathers with
typhoid fever.
Mr.. John L. Stuck and son Frank,
we're visiting friends at Portland
last week.
john Holms. near Gladesvl II e.
is very Ill with typhoid lever.
Mr.. Cal Hartley and wife were
visiting friends in town last week.
Mr.. David Jones, of Irondaie, is
quite low with hux.
From an item in the ARGUS OF
last week, see that the cougrega-
ton OF the Rev. ID. Col presented
him COW on the Sabbath day, and
the man with Feather" made a
speech on the subject. l should say
that was decidly Cool"
Alfred Boogber was sonstruck on
last Friday morning. 1t was boy
aud weighed l2lbs.
A son of John T Knots, Of
Thre eiork, had bis finger cauyh, il
threshing machine which neces
STATED .amputation which was per.
formed by DR.. VIM. NJ Dent.
Henry Grant, Eq te egraph
operator at lroatown, was III tu~t.
on Sabbath.
Miss G-rta Shannon, accomuau;e5
oy MISS Laura Evans, has returned
ZONE from All extended vs.l a.
Baltimore.
Mr. Joseph r xton vile end
Daughter, Mss NJ ,my f.. Grafton, g
visiting Parok ! omn.r, H1. u
inns place.
III. S. c. H,rtey aud ste. of
Mey ersds'e, p, sccompanyc 5Y
NJ Enei SWopt, Of h,s y.see. sre
VS." 81, bl-ubs dt Ma-ou,own chs
-.uaty.
r., Rev Same. ,f..aan.. o,..,t.s.