The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-05-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

HANDIcRAFr--Glove making.
DUMBFoUNDED-Dum bells.
A PEER without an equal-Shakspeare
TERMINAL facilities AThe undertakers'
teams.
THE Colossus of Rhodes-The Union
Pacific.
THE most popular ring in the country
The circus.
A STANDARD work-History of the
American Flag.
THE blacksmiths out West want an
advance Of wages. Will they "strike
while the irons hot ?"
A RETIRED Photographic artist an
nounces lecture revealing the secrets
of the art" Just what we should ex-
pect from an ex-poser.
A SUFFERER desires to know If savings
banks are so called because they save
you from losing your savings yourself
by losing them for you.
GEssLER thought his movements
against Swiss liberty would be mere
bag-a-telle, but, to tell the truth, he had
an arrow escape himselS
AND now they are trying to ascertain
if the President of the United States
has his life insured-so as to be more
certain about his policy, perhaps.
The familiar proverb, that Figures
won't lie" was invented before the
present Bankrupt law went into opera
ton.
A sK1LLFUL New York practitioner
announces that he has furnished ga
Hill with a glass eye :" he probably has
not yet been able to furnish mountain
with glacier.
A MASON in Philadelphia undertook
to prosecute Mr.. Herbert ross for fall
ing into and spelling bed OF mortar
prepared for building purposes. This
must have been the FOss-fate of lime.
GIVE got dog at home that can walk
five miles on his hind-legs." "Oh,
come now, draw it mild" eyes he can
Did you ever see a dog that couldn't?
Of course he uses his fore-legs as well.
SOMEHOW or other, the face of boy
who has Just concluded treaty with
his first cigar, and is looking about for
secluded, quiet place to hold congress,
always puts you in mind of the new
silver dollar. -Burlan9ton HaWk- Eye.
"PAPA," asked little 6-year-old
daughter of an uptown physician,
wasn't Job doctor?" 81 never
heard that he was. Why2" because
mamma said, the other day, that she
didn't think you had any of the patients
of job"
A GIRL in Kentucky struck her GRO
ouet partner on the head with a mallet
brain fever set in, and the young man
nearly died. The girl was kept under
arrest until his recovery, and, when he
got we'll, she married HIM, and now he's
sorry he didn't die.
SHE asked the clerk if he was positive
thoroughly convinced the eggs were
fresh. "Oh, yes" sold the young phi
losopher, Z" 1 know they are; why, the
farmer said none of his hens were more
than year old" She bought basket
full on the spot.-Syracuse Times.
The eccentric genius who delights in
statistics says every man eats on an aver
age eight bushels of wheat in the course
of a year. We could point out men who
consume at least twenty-five bushels OF
corn in the same time, but they don't
take the trouble to chew it.-Cincin-
natl Breakfast Table.
ABOUT this time of year the cockroach
comes out from behind Webster's Die
tionary, notices that the point has been
broken off of the mail editors scissors.
and that there is new reporter in the
city room, then, advancing to the night
editor with the confidence bred OF long
acquaintance, says: Put in that item
again about borax being good for COCK
reaches. 1t is. Bully" and vanishes
with whisk of his Chicago
Tribune.