The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-10-17
Bijah's Hour.
Detroit Free Press

parlor in order for visitors he received
notice that his presence was desirable at
the Central Station. Making his way
down town, he was kindly greeted by
his Honor, who tossed the remains of
State Fair egg-plum out of the alley
window and said
There are four or five cases here
which seem to concern you more or less.
There is, for one, female in the corri-
dor who says she is engaged to you. If
such is the case don't want to send her
up, of course"
:" Engaged to mel Great heavensl
but I was never engaged in my lifep
exclaimed the seemingly aslounded
Bijah.
Well, that's what she says | don't
know anything about your love affairs,
though | have had many hints that you
were about to take wife.
Let me sse the demoness who dares
make afidavy that | am going to build
| fires for her this winterin demanded the
old janitor, his eyes as wild as those of a
runaway horse and he was shown into
the corridor.
She was there. Sh sat on an inverted
bushel basket belonging to the City
Sealer of Weights and Measures. She
looked about forty years old, and she
had banged hair, thin nose, and a ch n
sticking out like bay window. She
knew him at sight, and she rose up and
called out:
Darling, / knew you'd comeW
| Bijah stood before her without word.
The wobble of his knees was plainly
heard by the audience, and he breathed
like boy running out of melon-patch
with four dogs after him.
Don't you recognize me, Buah 2"
| plaintively inquired the woman.
| Never! Neverl' he shouted, dane
ing around on his toes. 81 never. saw
you before-I don't know you'll won't
know you'll"
"My love, have you been drinking 7'.
she softly asked.
"Don't call me your love-don't put
on them ere grins for my benefit? You
are an old impostoress, jackaless,
swindleress, deceitess, and if you don't
own up that you have been lying I'll sue
you for slanderl'
"And only last night he called me his
silver-plated coal-stoveW she replied,
turning to the reporters, with gesture
of despair.
al never didl I'll make oath on the
Bible that don't even know your
namep
Boy, .bewarep she Missed, as she
pointed her slender finger at his nose.
I" If you turn my love to hate it will be
| the worse for youp'
Let 'er turn! Let 'er turn! say
you are-W
| She clawed out for him, and she
reached him. Four of her fnger-nails
raked his nose from bridge to end, and
the other hand would have gathered up
all the hair on top of his head if he
hadn't been bald.
Serpentp she hissed through her
clenched teeth, :" when [ ge. out III
meet you on. .the, street and throw snuff
into your villainous eyesp
You'll never get out-not for a
thousand yearsl' he called back, one
hand holding his nose and the other
keeping her of.
She was taken out and sent up for six
months On charge of drunkenness and
disorderly conduct. When she had been
locked into acell he put his nose through
the bars and kindly inquired:
Mary Ann, why did you try to play
that on me?"
"Wait till come out!" she yelled, as
she jumped for him.
ASSIST THE BEARER"
In cell No. 4 was long-chested, hol-
low-eyed man, whose principal article of
| clothing was the remains of an cid army
'overcoat. He had been lunching around
town during the day, taking in every
thing from a saloon to hard apple
picked up on the street, and the police
finally ran him in for vag. After his
arrest he claimed to be veteran of the
Mexican war, and produced paper
reading as follows:
"ToLEDo, Sept. /, 1878.
BIJAH-Please assist the bearer of this.
""ToM COLLINS"
He was brought out of his cell, and
Bijah looked him over and asked:
i "And do you claim that I agreed to
marry you, tooT'
"No, sir. Iwas told that you would
get me into the postoffice."
1Ou Was, Cu IL . d WOhuOI thCJ
didn't tell you I'd get you into the House
of Correction"
Won't you just mention to the
i Judge that Pm a distant relative of
yoursW asked the stranger.
"No, sir! Even if you were I'd deny
itp
"But I honestly believe we used to
play together, and are old friends"
"We never played together-never
I never played with anybody; / Away:
had a sore toe or boil on my leg, or had
to:go, for the doctor-'a - EF
} "Won't you say to the judge that
can skip this town in fifteen minutes?
: No, sir The country hay-stacks art
, honey-combed with tramps, nests now
| If he LET'S you 60, and. you go 'rounc
, town telling folks that you even know
how to spell my name, I'll hunt -yol
, down and cut your hair and make yol
: wash up.
3 The prisoner turned pale and shranl
} back, and the three months sentenc
, never moved him in the least.
MISTAKEN IDENTITY.
"A young farmer had been arrested 70
smashing in shoemaker's window an
: raising row, and he claimed tina
3 Bijah was responsible. He explaine'
= to the court:
"You see, had lift put on my lef
u boot-heel at that 'ere shop, and b
charged me quarter. | handed him
trade-dollar, and he knocked ten cent
off for discount. That made me hoppi1
II mad, but was chokin' lit back whe
long came Bijah. He said it was arches
r and a fraud, and told me to go in an
l. mash things and he'd 'back.me L sal
9 L didn' t wantla row, land he called me
,. hen turkey and allowed I'dasn't mash
}; 'tater. Then got madder than eve
- went in and mashed; and here am.''
" am Bijah, and did you see II
,e there?" asked the old man.
The prisoner looked him over in IL
W most careful manner, and then replied
t, Please sing four lines of Darling,
al Am Growing Old Perhaps / ma
u recognize you by your voice"
" No need of singing" replied Il
lg court. "Does this look like the man
I'd notp
&c n I'll l:lx. l.. -. L =.