West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-06-01
EVERYDAY SPICERrEs.

ncHt door to the man who owns hensHe
Ddnbury Nccs.
THE phouograph has been nicknamed
naturally BredkJdSt Table,
SuE-" What age do you think am ?"
He, gallantly--" don't know; but you
don't look it."-French Paper.
THE only difference between yourself
and your neck tie seems to be that one is,
and the other is knot.--NctO Jersey Re
publican.
THERE is IA difference in milk.maids;
the milk made in the country is not tho
same as the milk made in the city
BrookiyR UniOn-1rgus.
THE newspaper maker who enlives his
columns by stealing paragraphs, appeals
to his readers with all the eloquencc of
n scissor owe whitehall Times.
ONE of the greatest pedestrian feats
ON record was accomplished in this city
yesterday. An old topper passed saloon
without walking in.-Pha Chronicle.
EARL Granville, the British diplomat,
is master of twenty languages, which get
fearfully mixed when he puts on his
tight boots in u warm room.--NeiC York
Ne,cs.
WmTELAw Reid's new $2S,000 resi-
doncc will be provided with range
costing over $500. This is to keep him
i'm hot water the year round.-DetroH
Free Press
The streets of Paris are dangerous
places. 1t is estimated that eight
persons are run over and killed daily
between the Rue Montmartre and the
Madeleine.
THE Chicago Post il to be conducted
by Mrs. Willard and Miss Willard as
editor and publisher respectively. and
may bc expected TO make quite hustle.
--BOston Post.
The death of the Pope, it is said,
caused over million pairs of black
gloves 10 be sold in Paris.--Er. Prov
ing thst His Holiness WAS mourned on
all hands.-PhiIa. Bulletin.
SINCE the pretty female barber opened
her tonsorial establishment in Boston,
the married men are all growing full
boards, by order of the lady superior of
the household. d.-New York Mal.
MILLIONS and millions Of hairpins
are daily tugging at the tresses of
femiminity in this country, and yet after
all you seldom have an opportunity to
chat with bald-headed woman.
PEACH brandy enters into the mucil-
age composition on postage stamps; no
when you see the next drunken man,
don't lay it 10 whisky. He may have
just mailed a letter.-TmnerS Falls Re
porter.
The revelations concerning the vary
ing weight of loaves of bread brings 10
mind the fact that firm engaged i'm
putting up pickles for the trade informed
u.s. some time ago, that he had FIVE sizes
Of gallons.-Boston Transcript.
AT Desher, Ohio, a girl ate fifty raw
eggs in fifty minutes for a wager of
calico dress. She's no chicken.-E1
change. No; we should say she was a
pig. OF course, her calico will be made
with n yolk.--Phiiadeiphia Bulletin.
BEING naturally a keen observer, the
fact that man called on us, last even
ing, and bent over our shoulder 10 read
what we were writing, warrants us in
yenturing the announcement that young
onions are in the markets.. Louis
JOurRdi
A NEwLY-ARRIvED Cbinaman has
only twenty-five letters Of the English
alphabet 10 learn he is we'll acquainted
with Cincinnati Saturday Night.
He is also apt 10 be familiar with Sea,
and il sure to have Cue in his head.
-Phiiadeiphia Bulletin.
Two wealthy wood carvers in Massa-
chusetts have founded home for des-
/ titute members Of the craft Why don't
some Of our wealthy poets found home
/ for destitute poets2 This could be done
| by roofing in one or two continents
/ D0HburH Ne'0s.
THE BONTHs WITHOUT AN r.
Gayly the oyster
Opens his she'll,
Murmuring gladly,
Nov, al Do weill'
In the bright summer
No one may care
For broiled or for roasted
juicy and rare.
Nov then the chicken
Hstched in tho spring.
Sadly COucoaloth
His h. al with his wing;
Full well be- knOwoth
That while oysters rest
BrOilcd little chickens
Are at their test --heW York Sun
MARX TWAIN told a newspaper re-
porter that he was going abroad in order
to find quiet place 70 write, whtre he
would not be disturbed once a day. II
is singular that IL never occurred to him
To- remain at home and secure a desk in
store that doesn't advertise. Norr
Hcrnid
THE infant class Of Sunday-schoo
on Church-street were being drilled by
the good teacher ON the early life Of th'
Savior " Johnny can you tell mt
where Christ was bornT said she
" EastOn, ma am" replied the youth
Why, no, Johnny" said the amaze,
young lady, Christ WAS born in Beth
lchem." Well" said Johnny, {"
knew it was come place on the Lehigl
Valley Road "-E Eimir0 AdUerfiser.
THESE arc hard times and the Con
necticut cigar makers excuse their Gus
tom of making the wrapping of thei
cigars Of leather, because il makes tn
cigar last longer and is consequently
lighter burden on the pocket Of the cor
sumer. This isvery unselfsh.