The Portland daily press., 1878-06-27


1t takes drug clerk of broad judgment and
liberal views, and a calm, statesmanlike con-
trol of his features, to know how to give cit
zen the right kind of syrup in his soda water
when the citizens wife says she will take the
same as her husband. d.-BurIinqt0n Hd1Ckege.
He was a schoolboy of eleven, and had
mind full of interrogation points. When he
asked his teacher "Who was Ocles, and what
was he cursed for?" his instructor nearly split
his head thinking before it occurred to him
that his pupil referred to Damo,les.
Among the Zulus, nation of the Caffres,
according to etiquette, the mother.in-law can
not face the son-in-law, but must hide, or pre-
tend to hide, when she sees him. In this
country the custom is reversed. 1t is the SON.
io-laW who does the dodging.- CiRctanatt
Things not SO Generally Known as they
Ought to be.-That the evening song of the
nightingale is nice, but that the morning lay of
the barndoor fowl is nicer. That the end of
the longest wall is always blubber. That ships
are frequently put into stays, but they only
wear barnacles when they go to sea. That
some lovers quarrels begin, and that many
end, with smack. That, although one swal-
low may not make a summer, yet an inverted
tack on chair will make one spring. That
the real and only correct system of bookkeeping
is-not to lend them. That it is very difficult
to keep your own peace of mind If the wife
OF your bosom will insist on frequently giving
you piece of hers.-Judy.
Herman Schuster, of st. Louis, ayoke the
other morning to find himself dead. That is
to say, the newspapers said he was dead. and
that his body was at that moment at the
morgue. Mr.. Schuster went to the place men,
toned, and there, sure enough, he found him
self laid out on a slab. dead as anybody could
wish to be. The forehead of the CORPSE was
exactly like his own. The moustache likewise.
The body wouldn't vary in weight five pounds
from the weight of his own. The clothes of
the inanimate person were as much his own as
if he had worn them himself. ',Vot ish der
COLOR of his eyes?" asked Herman of DIR.
Ainburgh. The doctor turned up the corpse's
eyelids and found that the eyes were blue.
'Dot ish BETTER said Herman with long
sigh of relief. "Dot is not mine pody Dose
is plue und mine Is plack. Gott in Himmel!
vot narrow eschape-7ot a CLOSE gall dose
vas!" 1t was the most remarkable case of mis-
taken identity that st. Louis had had in years.
"Cadmus," casually remarked Stanley Mat
thewss private secretary, "Cadmus invented,
or rather introduced, letters
sShow him to mer' shouted the senator
'Let me at him! Where is he? That's the man
I've been looking for! Show him to me- 1 sayl
Where is hep
"He is Dead, said the astonished and fright
ened secretary. "He died before the last cleo
tion.''
"Oh, bsfied of my revenge" stormed the
great senator. "Who was the villain? Who was
this vile wretch that invented letters2 Ohio
man?"
"N-no," stawmered the poor secretary, II
believe not. He died in nlyrium.'
"Ah-h-hP' said the senator with a terrible
snarl; "Iowa man: Fayette county. I see! by
heaven, see the Hawkeye did It'll Revengel
revengei"
Sends a verbal message to the President,
who recklessly puts it down in his note book,
burlington HaDkeye.