Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1878-01-02
HUNG OUS.

AOAVkAOO0s
: The man who went into ecstacies owe
+ a lady's hand couldn't see any beaut
in her husbands foot. This is not a
: original observation.
The man who around during the fal
lecturing on "How to Get Rich" is try
ing to borrow enough money to take hi
last winters ulster out of pawn.
WHEN she bestrode his bugle" will
a clothes-pin, and thereby stopped hi
snoring, he said he'd always thought th.
habit could be conquered in pinch.
THE street-car drivers and conductor
get heavier salaries than any other set oi
men in town. They are paid of in
nickles and pennies.
HARDLY-A contemporary records the
fact that =" q sailor walked into the sea
and was drowned" Was it expected
that he would walk into the sea and be
burned ?-LondOn Fun.
A WESTERN genius has patented an
artificial tree that blooms and buds.
But isn't this an Infringement, we ask,
on some other patent leaves?-NeO York
Comic Aduertiser.
"PAPA," said a bright Springfield boy
just home from a sleight-of-hand enter
tainment, "I wish ! was a conjurer."
"Why, my sonT "I would turn you
into rat, call up the cat, and wouldn't
l have fun!'
TANTALIzING-To see love of bon
net in a milliner's window and not be
able to buy it. More tantalizing-to
see little darling gazing longingly at
the bonnet and not being able to gratify
her.
A MINISTER says that while visiting
colored school in the Southern States he
asked tiny negro what he studied for,
and what was his object in attending
school. Hesitating for moment or two,
the little fellow answered: "To get
offs"
81 SAY, Charley, said one friend to
another on meeting, 6" hear our friend
Brown has been dabbling in stocks
lately; has he made anythingT Yes"
says Charley, "he has made an assign
ment."
The ird: "Ha1Io, sandy, here IL 4
fine heap of newspapers. I suppose you
know what is going on as well as any of
usT' Sandy: "Na, ma, sir. A dinna
ken q word that's in them. There's ma
time for that moo! Am keeping them
a. for winter."-Fun.
The despairing gambler hurried from
the portals of the Kursaal, tearing his
hair and crying angrily: $50 help me
heaven, will never touch another card
till have discovered some system that
loses infallibly all the time.'' "a losing
system7" enquired friend. ''What
could you want to discover that fort"
" To bet against it."
A YOUNG lady who is studying French,
lately wrote to her parents that she was
' invited out to q 'dejeuner' the day be-
fore, and was going to 'fete champetre'
the next day" The professor Of the
college was surprised to receive dispatch
from the sold man" day or two after,
saying: "If you can't keep my girl
away from these blarsted menageries and
I'll come down and see what
Rils her."
"SAMUEL," said old Mrs. Cr0dilier to
her grandson the other day, what's the
meaning of all this talk about Butler
and Pattersonp' "Oh, nothing much,"
said Sam, 'only they've just found out
that old Ben Butler is the man who wal
loped Billy Patterson, and now they're
going to tie his hands behind him and
let Billy straighten his eyes for him,
that's ALL Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
CIVILIZATION has done much toward
beautiful ideas of humans
ty; but civilization can't successfully sit
)n the sympathetic thrill in mans
breast, when he reads of the opening of
The cock-fghting season, and learns that
N the the first main black-red gouged
he eyes out Of ginger-pyle and retired
10 private life with the loss of his own
comb and with residue of two tail-feath
ers and one spur.-Pack.
THE distinguished Earl of Chatham
aid to his son: / would have inscribed
On the curtains of your bed, and the
walls of your chamber, If you do not
rise early, you can never make progress
in anything. If you do not set apart
your hours OF reading, If You suffer
yourself, or any one else, to break in
upon them, your days viii slip through
your hands uHproftable and frivolous,
and really unenjoyed by yourself."
THE latest--We read that "slk fchus
with the new moonlight fringe are being
very much worn in Paris" What con-
stitutes moonlight fringe, is not explain
ed, but it is doubtless similar to the
cloud with the silver lining, Of which
we hear 70 much. Anyhow, it appears
10 have taken the shine out Of all other
,tyles.
We don't know what there is about
that imparts confidence to
The man trusting himself to it But
there is, no doubt, certain degree of in.
spiration in it, for it 10 fact that the
baahful man in social gathering
always sits, if possible, under the man
tel. He naturally gravitates 70 TIN
place, and is not at rest until he reaches
Il. With the top Of his head pressed
againststhe under side Of the shelf he
will sit for hours alta time = immova-
BILE q mortgage, and apparently -
deeply interested in what b going en
about him. DGnbxsy Nsas.
A STORY is told how President Lin
coln's humor once gained him ride:
When Mr.. Lincoln was ! poor lAy-
ycr, he found himself one cold day
Is . village some distance from
Springfield, and with no Hn0ana
1f conveyance. Seeing eentie.
man driving along tie 6pGisieA nd
il . carriage, he ran up . h1la 80 aald
'seir, will y0a have tlhe eoo fnke d
~ ovescoat u town u " n 3 Win q
plesisure,a answered NJ 1e1sAen. 3
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