Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-03-28
Hunl0T'.

A youngster in runaway carriage
was asked if he was afraid He said.
" No! but I'm afraid | shall be-"
The Father of his Country hasn't
a monument as yet; but there is a
ourglar-alarm connected with his tomb.
Always brag after you have done
something. 1t is much better than
Dragging of actions you are too coward
ly to perform.
An abandoned wretch affirms that in
engaging a wife only ring is necessary;
but nothing short of the cash will secure
good hired girl.
Says Charles O'Connor. mo guilty.
person should ever plead guilty. He's
got as many chances before a jury as a
perfectly innocent man."
The religion of some people is like
the old farmers, who said, My doctrine
Is true. know it is true, and vet I'd
give that yoke of oxen to be sure of it."
" Is there help" asks Canon Farrar.
Well, Canon, just you get home from
the lodge about / a. NJ, without a latch
key, and see fer yourself.-N. Y. Cone
n1ercidL
"How long are you going to stay
here?" Why, my little dear?"
Cause Pm hungry, and mamma saws
we shall have dinner as soon as that
dreadful nuisance goes away"
An exchange has a column entitled
" Minor News Items" 1t appears to be
the editors rule to let anything into it
that IS less than twenty-five years Old
Brooklyn Union Argus.
Once in a while man is met who
cheerfully says that he is doing as much
business as can be expected, and that is
the kind of men the country needs to
see more of.
my DEAR" said a wife to her hus-
band. won't you just stop again and
get me some more worsted as YOU come
home this EVENING"" with pleasure"
responded the husband; q like to
trade with that pretty girl who tends the
worsted counter" That put stop to
his worsted trade.
A somewhat novel editorial difficulty
was announced in an Indiana paper as
follows: eve have to apologize to our
iS'NtSAS lO1 IllC Je1uCIlJ VI IildGICI III 10
days issue, In consequence of some of
our staff having absconded after having
drawn more pay than was due to them"
g If you want to keep your boys at
home, make it pleasanter for him than
the street." Certainly. Chalk a Lop-
scotch in the hall, put a hogshead of
molasses on tap in the kitchen, have a
dOgfight in the backyard, make a
" bully slide" on the cellar door. have
hand-organ and monkey in the recep-
tion-room, and German band on the
stairs. Hire a "Geevus to be chaffed.
Let the boy chalk callers backs on the
1st Of April, throw his baseball through
the windows, ring the bells, and run
away, and "plug" the cook with fish
balls Sunday mornings; but even then
you will have to engage a circus or
great moral show to drive through
the premises two or three times in the
season to " make it pleasanter than the
street. "-BOStOn Commercial Bulletin.
THE GOAT OF MY CHILDHOOD.
How dear to my heart is the goat of my childhood,
When fond recOllectiOns presents him to me:
The beautiful beast viii Oh when er he was riled
would
Make every thing fly from the presence of he.
MY mlSchlev0us goat was the froWieSt butter
That ever did butt stone fence till it fell;
He d see 1t coming-a scream he would utter
linen brace his four legs, and 90 at it pell- NELL
o, how he would buck it! An iron bound bucket
he once tried to buck it, and died in the well.