The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-10-31
WHOLE NO. 1886.
Miscellaneous.

Every cat has furcoat, and every dog
pants.
The best of boats get in to trouble and
have to be bailed out.
Ewes last words on leaving Paradise
were II don't care. Adam"
Most of the poetry mills are now run.
ming full time on autumn styles.
The only man who is allowed by the
public to put on airs is drum-major.
st. Louis clerk is named Gasbill.
Unhappy man Probably everybody dis
putes him.
A. Ward sad of the Mormons Their
religion IS singular, but tteir wives are
plural"
Some pumpkins-those things carried
/ Oft for water melons the other night.
When the halter fits a cap to your
cranium he cap sizes your head, doesn't
he?
Some men lie abed Just as easy as they
tell the truth when they are wide awake.
Take away woman" asks a writer,
''and what would follow p That's easy.
TIE men.
Ann Knox advertises for a husband.
Whoever saw any body who would marry
Ann Knox?
No wonder the climate didn't agree
with him, when none of his acquaintances
ever could
While the English drum beat is heard
all around the world, the dead beat ia
seen everywhere.
He that runs may read-a great many
things concerning his character, especial
ly if he runs FOR an Office.
| If lady runs against you in the street,
apologize. She expects it. 1t is the GUS
tom of the country.
| Constituency, thou art a Jewell" as
the candidate remarked to the conven-
| ton that nominated him.
being las bashfuI.S Why not call him
calnbash full young man?
1t may, perhaps have been noticed by
observing people, that twins, like misfor-
tunes, never come singly.
The slipper and pen wiper manufac-
ture now grows brisk, with the approach
of the donation party season.
Nothing casts man down more than
to have his last match go out, especially
after he has bitten the end off his cigar.
The Boston Transcript considers the
mule magnetic heeler The animal
might also be appropriately called pain
killer"
In a few weeks more the young ladies
OF TIE period will commence work on the
ministerial smoking cap.
THE fashionable lady is already think
ing about her full sacque," says an ex-
change. This may be full sack usation.
According to the Buffalo Express
lager beer does not intoxicate. 1t is the
quantity that some men carry that
weighs them down"
When you hear a man boasting of his
virtues you may bet your bottom dollar
that it is only way he has of trying to
cover up his vices.
We can tell you one thing:-The
source from whence flows the milk of
human kindness needs better quality
of fodder and more of it.
What blow it must be to boys faith
IN arithmetic when he first discovers
that it takes the contents of five quart
bottles to make gallon.
The difference between the weather
and baby is simply that lone never
rains but it pours, while the other never
pains but it roars."
The miser who boarded his money in
a vase said he did it because he believed
in the saying, Urn your money before
you spend it,"
The difference between ladies and
due ~s-if there is any difference-is that
ladies are often dressed to kill, while
ducks are killed to dress.
California paper informs US that al
cohol may be made from beets. Proba-
bly, We know a great many dreadful
beats" have been made from alcohol.
The gang of burglars who work for
seven straight hours to hammer a safe to
pieces to sacure fourteen cents know how
a country minister feels next day after
donation visit
Why does lightning so rarely strike
twice in the same place p Professor
W Wortman asked the new boy in tt class
Of natural philosophy. Huh r. said the
new boy, "It never needs to-"
An old lady, remarkable for her con-
fused ideas of the meaning of words,
describes a clear Summer evening thus:
1t vas beautiful bright night, and the
moon made everything as light as
cork"
A seaside belle, from Chicago, left her
bathing shoes hanging out of her hotel
window to dry, and the next day the
local paper announced that such a hotel
had put up new awnings of unique
design"
Young man." said minister to
youth OF his congregation, do you know
" hat relations you sustain in the world?'
' 4es, sir; two cousins and a grand
mother but | do not intend to sustain
them much longer"
A very careful Bridgeport man always
carries bottle OF whisky in his pocket
as an antidote for rattlesnake bites He
is now ftty-three years old. and has
never once died of rattlesnake bite;
and he attributes his escape to the anti
dote
recent advertisement contains the
"If the gentleman who keeps
the shoe shop with the red head will
return the umbrella OF a young lady with
whalebone ribs and an iron handle to
I 10 81 to urooar's shor uy;n