The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-07-18
Miscellaneous.

Sieu', JS Ii al pas Ic SpoHuuleA
We have heard Of quartet by four
but did you ever see quart eat by two? ?
Yes, two can duet, if they trio
Insanity is no cause for divorce in Wis
consin. They think person must be
crazy in the first place to marry
There is something inexpressibly sad
about the music of a church organ-while
the collection is being taken up.
To those who are enemies of England
1t is gratifying to learn that Victoria
Woodruff has taken up permanent res
idence there
A Chicago man had the Jim jams the
other night and enough snakes were
found in his boots to start out seven new
circuses on the road. This is reliable
An editor offers five dollars for the
best treatise on "How to make an out
door life attractive for the mosquito. -
Ex. bald headed picnic might suit
him about as well as anything
When you assail the character of a
living public man, always give the name
OF deceased official as your authority,
Tor the latter will never come back and
deny it.
Human nature is pretty much the
same across the water The French
papers that do not receive free passes
pronounce the big show miserable one
horse affair
A correspondent of the New York
Times asks for remedy for bed-bugs,
and fails to inform the editor what's the
matter with the b. BIS. 1t is presumed
they are bed-ridden.
1t is the confession of widower who
has been thrice married, that the first
wife cures mans romance, the second
teaches him humility and the third
makes him a philosopher"
About the time boy begins to think
his mother doesn't know enough to select
his clothing for him is dangerous peri
cd in his history. If she has energy and
muscle he can yet be saved
An Illinois young lady was driven to
suicide by "buzzing in her ears"
Young men who are urging their suit
with great persistence, should heed the
warning contained in this item.
How nicely this corn pops!' said
young man who was sitting with his
sweetheart before the fire. Yes" she
responded demurely, Its got over being
green
1t is now that the sentimental young
lady wanders through the garden and
throws her delicate eyes on the budding
roses, and wonders if last years straw hat
will stand renlodeling for this summer
Ole Bull threatens this country with
| another farewell tour of thirty concerts.
His first farewell tour-how we'll we
remember twas made when we were
was-were boy, sixty two years ago
On the day that Barnum's circus per-
formed a while ago at Meriden, Conn,
six monkeys escaped from his menagerie,
and only one of them has been caught
The other five are starting greenback
newspapers up and down the country
A most worthy man, unaccustomed to
public speaking, being suddenly called
upon to address a Sunday school, rose to
his feet, and, after vainly struggling for
utterance, at last hoarsely muttered,
Dear children, don't ever play with pow
der"
When a man succeeds in borrowing
five dollars he is ready to declare that
fails in borrowing fifty cents he is certain
that the last trump has got to toot before
the week is out or there won't be a can
didate for heaven left.
witty clergyman, accosted by an ac-
quaintance by the name of Cobb, replied:
Il don't know you SIR MY name is
Cobb, sir rejoined the man, who was
about half seas over. "Ah, sir" said the
minister. you have so much corn on
that | did not see the cob"
We watch eagerly for the editor who
first has the hardihood to discover signs
of returning prosperity. The papers
began to discover signs much earlier than
this last year. Probably there are fewer
signs; good many bankrupt business
men have taken down theirs during the
past twelve months.
When you are taking stroll in the
dark, dense forest, or amid the noun
tain's lofty crags and fortresses, and hear
a deep bass voice waking the echoes with
its resonance, do not be alarmed. 'Tis
not bandit bold nor yet Communistic
leader drilling his forces. nor yet an es-
capped lunatic. 1t is the Fourth of July
orator practising his little piece.
w you Iuu Ludll WlO CidWS over
all of the papers on the desk, looks
through the drawers, searches every
pocket in his clothes. and explores the
regions above his ears in search of his
lead pencil, and finally he finds it
between his teeth, don't lend him money
he is absent minded
An old darkey was endeavoring to ex-
plain his unfortunate condition You
see," remarked Sambo, 'it was in this
way, as far as can remember: Fust my
fadder died, den my -mudder married
again and den my mudder died, and my
fadder married again. and somehow |
doesn't seem to have no parents at all,
nor no home, nor muffin"
A genius down east intends applying
for patent on machine which, he says,
when wound up and in motion, will
chase hog over a ten-acre lot, catch,
yoke and ring him ; or by slight change
of gearing, it will chop him into sausages,
work his brlstles into shoe-brushes, and
manufacture his tail into corkscrew
well, l don't care Satan was sharp
and knew what he was about" said
lady whose husband was holding the first
woman responsible for all the trouble in
the world. He knew right we'll that