West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-08-31
Mr.. Billikms Comquers Crisis.
breakfast Table


Mrs. Billikins requested her husband
the other day to step into a store ON hi,
way down town aud buy her some un
derwear. With a short-sighted rashness
the foolish man promised to do SO.
but when he walked into the store
with the easy serenity that braces
man up in the midst of near but un-
seen trouble, and found the places be-
hind the counters all filled with Young
ladies, he turned white around the
mouth, and for the first time realized
the magnitude of his mission. His wife
had given him facts and figures for
guidance, and taken considerable pains
To post him i'm the nomenclature of the
mysteries wanted, but when a sprv little
miss with the cutest little curls and the
slyest dimples stepped up demurcly and
inquired what he would like to look at.
his throat got dry, and spasmodic
chill shot through his frame like board.
ers going To dinner. He forgot every
thing his wife had told him, and stood
looking IA sheepish as lass after the
first kiss, trembling like boy waiting to
be whipped and wondering how he was
to get out of the scrape
what did you wish to see ?" repeated
the little lady
The color came rushing back TO his
cheeks till the tips of his ears felt hot
enough to scorch his collar, and il seemed
"a though his heart would certainly
break loose and get away if he didn't
soon get IL calmed down and under con
troll
The young lady noticed that he was
embarrassed, and would have borrowed
money to bet that it was baby clothes he
wanted TO buy.
" We have some very fine lawns,
cambrics, and linens" she ventured to
suggest, by way OF helping him to get his
feet on solid ground. Would you like
to look at them %
" N-no-ah--um - that is hem Il
want to get something for my wife, but
I've forgotten-oh h, yes a bunch of tooth
picks" Happy thought-he was saved,
and began TO grow more at ease.
a quiet little ripping laugh from the
lady, and then she said
" We don't keep them, sir. You'll
find them at the drug stores. But aren't
you mistaken? Wasn't there somthng
else your lady dcsired?"
Mr.. Billikins would have given all his
old clothes To have been away down the
river somewhere on n hat-bOat ut that
perilous moment. The cold drops came
out on his forehead again, and his teeth
began 10 chatter. Dark despair was
fast hedging him in, when a swilt-wingcd
beam of intelligence darted into the
gloom, and again he was saved from
threatened idiocy.
" Ha-ha-ha! Beg pardon" he ex-
claimed, with buoyant burst of conf
dent hilarity. "How stupid was to be
sure. Toothpicks for woman, ha-ha-
ha! who ever heard of it2 But, say
Miss, what is it you folks use for that
purpose anyhow? It's the name that
bothers me- know what ! want, and
that's it,"
" Hairpins," responded the salcslady,
promptly.
That's it-thats it. Put 'em up-a
barrel, box, bunch, pound, gross, or
whatever 'tis you sell Of 'em She amt
had one in the house for a week, and I'd
n been blowed up highcr'n over if I'd
forgotten 'cm again to-day" and Mr..
Billikin's felt that he had conquered a
crisis that should never get the second
chance at him, and the young lady shud-
dered when she thought of how dread
fully wild her surmises had been.