The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1878-05-01
SnnbeAnls.

"A Scotch lad described generos-
ity as giving to others what you don't
want yourself.
1t would have done you good to
have seen the smile hat lit up the
face of a grave looking undertaken
when he heard US coffin.
When a mar wants to call a pup
py he whistles; but q girl just walks
along with her handkerchief floating
across her shoulder.
"A Florida man claims to have
shot seven deer at one fire; but what
is that compared to the Albanian
who killed eighteen coons at one
throw of a club?
"A disappointed young man says
the average shoe maker can frame
more excuses in fifteen minutes than
a picture dealer could supply frames
for in two weeks.
An Iowa schoolmistress has been
discharged because, for the amuse-
ment of the children during recess,
she stood on her head. One of the
trustees CHANGED to see the feat.
"That's our family tree" SAID an
Arkansas youth, as he pointed to a
vigorous hemlock. ga good many
of our folks have been hung on that
tree for borrerin' horses after dark"
Kentucky beats them all. She
now furnishes a case where a mai
eloped with a whole family except
the old man, who had a lame back,
and couldn't get to the depot in
time.
"A young man St. John, n. B.,
who was bound over to keep the
peace towards a personal enemy, got
his two sureties to give the latter a
tremendous thrashing, and enjoyed
it immensely.
III you're going to keep a diary,
keep it. Don't leave it adds the
Worcester Press in your other
trousers pocket, where your wife
will get hold of it for a day or SO,
and then appear to you, claiming to
be q mind reader.
"A day or two since a lad some
eight years of age said to his moth
er: "Mother, which are we, Catholics
or Episcopals?" ave amt any of
them," said a younger brother, chip
ping in, "we're Perciic Coast Pier
Deers."
"A Brooklyn lawyer was noticed
at a recent concert enthusiastically
app.auding one of the singers
"Fond Of music, isn't hep said one
acquaintance to the other. "No,"
was the reply, "it's more professional
instinct. He is moving for q new
trial."
The following is a San Francis
co advertisement: correspondence
is solicited from bearded ladies, Cir
cassian, or other female curiosities,
who, in return for q true heart and a
devoted husband, would travel during
the summer months, and allow him
to take the money at the door,"
Jane Grey Swisshelm has been
suspended from the Sorosis for hav-
ing really wished she was a man.
But she vas r~einstated, on payment
of a light fine, when she explained
that she uttered the wish while try
ing to climb up on a high stool ola
railroad lunch counter.
--Matrimony among deaf mutes
has its disadvantages as we'll as its
sweets-at least so thinks the hus-
band in Lafayette, Ind, who, return
ing home late found his door locked
against him. No amount of pound
ing was loud enough to arouse his
sleeping spouse, and he was forced
to smash q window and crawl into
his dwelling.
SCENE in a horse-car.--Enter
determined looking female, to whom
a slender looking gentleman offers
his seat, 81 always like to oblige
the weaker SEX" afrably remarked
the youth. "Weaker sex indeed
ANY nor of your impertinence,
young man, and you'll see whether
I'm weak or notr' Then assuming
a defiant air, she gratefully sat down
in the vacant seat.
Wheeling, West Virginia, has a
very eccentric storekeeper, who will
not sell an article of any kind to a
~cross-eyed man, Dr. one who wears
his hat on the side of his head. If