The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-07-18
WIT AND HUMOR,
O-SHUN net-The hornet.


The Oldest and greatest surge-on-The
sea. you see.
FAvoRrTE song of the baker-"I
knead thee every hour
IT is a good rule to back your friends
and face your enemies.
THE reason why so many wives fade
is because they won't wash.
EVERYTHING now goes on swimmingly
at the bathing establishments.
COOP partners at cards-A chimney
sweep and a bugler. One can follow
SCOT and the other can trumpet.
! The Norristown Herald insists that
no man likes to hold a girl baby in his
arms until she is II years old.
WHAT is the difference between
tenant and the son of a widow? The
tenant has to pay rents; the son of
widow has not two parents.
AN unsuccessful lover was asked by
what means he lost his divinity. "Alas p
cried he, st fattered her until she got
too proud to speak to me-"
"CAN love dep inquiries Mary E.
Nealy, in recently-published poem.
It cannot, though it gets dreadfully ad-
journed occasionally.-Buf,Alo Express.
"BRAz11's treasury is empty" Dom
Pedro, old boy, shake; two souls with
out single cent, two hearts that long
for tin-but when did you start news
paper?-Brookvjl1e Democrat.
"AND what d, you think of Switzer-
land % asked lady of young Ameri-
can belle who had just made the tour.
"Pretty- place, but it struck me there
were too many lakes and too few young
men,"
A LITTLE girl was reproved for playing
out doors with boys, and informed that,
being years old, she was "too big for
that now But, with all imaginable
innocence, she replied: "Why, the big
ger we grow the better we like EN-"
Two MEN jostle each other on the
street, exchange words and take to pum-
melting each other Justify. "Gentle-
men, gentlemen" cried a third, rushing
between them, "why do you pound
each other thus? Have you no wives at
home ?"
A SHARP little girl in Chicago got out
of patience with her bashful lovers
backwardness, and SO brought matters
to favorable climax by saying to him:
" L really believe you are afraid to ask
me to marry you, for you know would
say yes"
AN exchange says: "Over-practice
| on the horizontal bar caused the death
of youth in Pulaski, N. Y" It is
notorious fact that over practice at the
| horizontal bar has caused the death of
millions. Chicago Commercial AdUer-
tiser.
"WHY don't you put on a clean
shirt?" said swell the other night to a
companion, then the girls will smile
on you as they do on me-" EVERY
body can't afford to wear clean shirt
every day as you CAM was the reply.
"Why not ?" asked white collar. "Be-
cause" said soiled collar, " everybody's
mother isn't washerwoman.
ONE evening our old friend, the Rev.
DR.. -, took tea with us. Out of po-
likeness, [ asked him to give thanks,
forgetting for the moment the presence
of my granddaughter and the fact that
the doctor was long winded. The child
started us all, right in the middle of the
grace, by exclaiming, in loud voice:
"Oh Amen! Hand me the biscuit. -
Independent.
A BALTIMORE Alderman, who had sat
speechless at the meetings of the board
for years, was recently aroused by fire.
quent droves of cattle passing his house
on Sunday to this eloquent but first and
only oratorical effort: "Phwat I want
to know, yer Honor, is, are the payple
of the Fourteenth ward to be trod upon
by oxen of a Sunday morning? I move,
be jabers, I guess not. %
AFTER DINNER orator: "It's in the
wonderful insight inter uman nature
that Dickens gets the pull over Thack-
cray; but, on t'other hand, it's in the
brilliant shafts O. satire, t'gether with a
keen sense O. humor, that Dickery gets
the pull over Thackens. It's just this
Thickery is the humorist, and Dackens
is the satirist. But, after all, it's 'bsurb
to lnstoot any comparison between
Dackery and Thikens."
AFTER THE BALL.
The moon sinking fast to the westward
Just as delicate crescent of light; ...s
The breeze, as it played through the elm boughs,
Seemed to wish a Whispered s. Goodnight.
Some moments we fingered in silence
At the gate, for how often We feel a'l
That words can at best but too family
Our purest emotions reveal! -46 ~
TIL fairest of ARREST fancies
In my thoughts to purpose was grown,
AS felt light tremul pressure III
OF the arm that tou ched lightly my own.
i" What is it ~ asked, drawing nearer;
60 was thinking" he said, with sigh,
8 How their felder-confound him !-succeeded
In catching my prettiest fly" r
--HGruGrd Advocate. s.
The Louisville COurier-J0ata7aol says
Of tho ?oto raoo. Mol1in McN arthv WOO