Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1878-06-06
no. 1873.
Misfellaneous.
From the Burlington Hawkeye.
ECHOES FROM THE PHONO6RAPH.
WHAT MRS. BARsTINGLow HEARD AFTER
THREE DAYS ABSENCE FROM HOME.

1t happened that Mrs. Barstinglow was
going down t. Keokuk for few days, and
Mr.. Barstinglow was inconsoltble. At
one time he protested that she should not
go; he could not endure the lonesome
house during her absence. And then
again he declared that if she must 90, he
would neg glect his office and let his busi-
ness go to the bowwows, and he would
90 with her. At length. however, she
persuded him to be reasonable, and on her
repeated assurance that she would not re-
main away longer than three days, he
consented TO let her go. He even bought
her ticket, and ordered the carriage and
paid Tor it two days ahead. lest his resolu-
tion should give way, and he. should for
bid her going from him. And from that
time till the morning of her departure Mr.
Barstngow spoke in subdued tones and
moved about with the air OF man whose
heart was buried under mountains of grief.
Before she left the house, Mrs. Barstin-
glow set the phonograph in the sitting
room behind the clock. Then she kissed
her disconsolate husband. and begged
him TO preserve his precious lite for her
sake, while she was away, and then she
was gone.
Every day during her three dsys' visit in
the Gate City she received letter from
her mourning husband begging her to
come back, and telling her how lonesome
he was without her, and how like grave
the empty house seemed, and how the
hours dragged over his aching heat with
leaden feet. And in three days she came
home, and tilled the solemn house with
sunlight and laughter again.
The evening after her return to Bur
lington she took down the phonograph.
Il WONDER" she said, what we said
| .st in its hearing? 1t must have been
something while we were discussing my
visit Or maybe 1t has caught some OF
your poor. longing meanings while was
away - q.tt n
Aad she turned the crank.
Lord, no." croaked the phonograph,
in tones of hearty reinsurance; ''no dam
ger OF that she's sale IN Keokuk for three
days; saw her safely off myself this morn
ing. Light your cigar while light anoth-
er lamp and make the room look cheer
iul."
Why" exclaimed Mrs. Barstinglow in
4 counlenance OF amazement, "what on
earth is it saying?" .- ....,,
"Oh, some nonsense some of your Wis
itors have talked into it some time or 9TH
er," IT piled her husband, nervously ;"peo-
pie talk all kinds of stuff into phono-
graph. you know. They say anything for
talk"
Mrs. Barstinglow, looking only half
convinced, gave the crank another turn.
This is devlish good whiskey, Barsty,"
calculated the machine, very earnestly.
You don't get it in Burlington, do
you?"
Mrs. Bars,inglow gave little shrek.
my DEAR" said her husband, looking
now quite as worried as he had looked
when he was begging her not to go to
keokuk, "put it away somebody has had
it out in the stable, and it might say some
thing perfectly shocking, you know. Put
it away" Al
But Mrs. Barstinglow, upon whom the
spirit OF investigation had descended with
great power, ground away, and the phon-
ograph. in voice marvellously like her
husbands, went remorseless ly on.
Not much they don't make this kind
now. It's some old monongahela, copper
distilled, that Mrs Barstinglow's mother
gave her tor medicinal purposes three
years ago. Fill up, there's plenty OF it,
and can replace II with any kind OF bev-
erage when it's gone. The old girl
won't know the difference"
Mrs. Barsting!ow ie.t herself turning to
stJne, but the next turn OF the crank
brought out an uproarious.
"Ha, h2, ha Here's to the o. G.!
That tanned her cheeks into flame.
For mercys sake, Malachi Barstn-
glow" she shrieked, what does this
mean ?"
Mr. 3arstinglow now looked as though
he really did wish she had never gone to
keokuk.
Its just as | tell you." he said, with
an effort 10 look unconcerned that was
like humorous book, colossal success
SO far as its utter failure was concerned.
Somebody has been talking all sorts OF
nonsense into it just for talks sake. How
else could it get hold oil such dreadful
stuff in our dear little home. lovely?"
Mrs. Barstinglow didn't know, but she
turned away and the phonograph asked
cart lessly:
Thrown around for the deal ?'
She thought she would faint, but she
didn't, and the pitless machine proceeded
tD remark. with variety of voices:
Its my age" t@
You'll have to straddle thai blind il You
come in"
"Give me two cards"
"Chip one"
I'm see your little one and raise you
couple"
Push the bottle this way. Ben.n
"Aint you going to stay in. Harry 2"
Cant stay in on pair of skies"
Cali YOU"
Two small pair, kings to head"
Tens and deuces. Take the pot"
''Barsly. get US something TO eat. Old
girl left the cupboard keys, didn't she."
Lord, yes; told her | was going to
keep bach at home to save expenses and
keep out of bad company" .a
"Ha, ha, ha !! Ho! no! ~"
"Oh," yelled Mr.. Barstinglow, unable
to contain himself any longer. while his
wife, more dead than alive, leaned over
the phonograph and ground away at the
crank in dazed kind of way. ..Oh,
keen il mn rhat's riphtf Kan h.r