Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-01-18
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The NEW CoACHMAN.-The boy should
have known better at his age than to let
out family secrets, says The Detroit "Flee
Press,'' but he felt grateful to the other
boy for the use of his stills, and he softly
remarked:
FEATHER wasn't home all last night, and
he hasn't come home home yet"
.'Gone off?'' queried the owner of the
stiits.
Hes down town somewhere, we ex-
pect, and ma says she amt going to run
after him if he don't come home for
month.
ibid they have fuss?"
s.Kinder. You see we had to let The
coachman 60, cause it's hard times. Yes
terday afternoon ma wanted pa to black
up and drive her out in style. He kicked
at first, but when she got mad he caved in
and fixed himself up so you couldn't tell
him from regular darkey. When he drove
around, ma called him Peter, and ordered
him to hack up and 60 ahead and haw and
gee around, and he got up on his ear and
drove back to the barn. Them buds came
off'n him like lightning, and he was SO
mad that he didn't stay long enough to
wash the black off his ears.
"And what did your mother say?" ask
ed the other.
Nothing. She looked little sad around
the mouth, but she'll fetch him to it if it
takes all winter. He might as we'll come
home and begin to learn how to burn
cork.
you'll never marry again, Susie, you
you grieve so after Izic. Was it twice't
you tainted, or three times. at the grave!'
ssBless yo' soul, Sary, it was free times l
tainted, an de last time [ nebber like to
come too" sob, Susie. you'll nebber
marry again, will yer?'' "Bless yo' soul,
Sam dun axt bout dis before my husband
died, and I.promised him If he died I'd bad
him, an blongs to de church, an won't
tell lie.''
A precious little girl signed the tenn
perance pledge and donned the blue rib
bon. She was not satisfied with merely
wearing the ribbon on herself, but she put
one around the neck of her pet kitten. The
next day her father saw her whipping the
cat,and demonstrated with her for ill-treaL-
ing poor pussy. The child replied: 'Kitty
has been into Bob Browns saloon, and l
saw her come out licking her chops"
His wife caught him with his arms
around the hired girls neck; but his coui-
age even in this trying extremity never
forsOok him. 81 suspected some one OF
stealing the brandy on the peaches,
Jane, for some time, and of course you
know her breath would have told if she
was the guilty party
When does a man feel the value Of a
true wife asks writer. That depends
upon what the writer means by value. If
he means estimate value, we should say
just after he gets her. If intrinsic value,
when he pays the first bill for the Christ
mas presents she had made him.
Charity is noble, whether in the lofty or
lowly, and 10 sight is more affecting than
to see poor, untutOred son of Africa
leave his cot at the dead hour of the coolest
night, to lift wretched pullet from the
neighboring coop and bring it into his own
little home and warm it at the fire.
A st. Louis widow has had three hus-
bands. She has on hand lawsuit to break
the will of the first, another to recover the
insurance money on the life of the second,
and third to obtain alimony from the
last.
'.Georgy! do you know that your Uncle
James found a little boy-baby on his door
adopt him?" Eyes, mamma; and he'll be
Uncle Jim's step-son, won't he?'
A man was asked why he did not take
the newspaper. Because said he, ''ny
father, when he died, left me good many
newspapers, and 1 have not read them
through yet"
It is this lying awake nights trying to
determine whether to leave your fortune
to an orphan asylum or a home for old men
that makes the newspaper business so
wearing.
An old bachelor explains the courage Of
the Turks by saying, that man with more
than one wife ought to be willing to face
death at any time.
His wife is very sorry that be was sun
struck, especially as i! made his breath
smell like those miserable fellows who
drink whiskey.
Brown says he had been SO often de-
ceiyed in the chicken he gets at his board
ing-house, that he now calls it the mock
ing bird.
Icelanders are fond of rancid butter,
which looks as though nature had designed
one race on purpose to live in boarding
houses.
II am man of very quiet tastes" said
Sauire Drinkham. as he quietly went be-
hind the door and tasted something.
Those young ladies at fairs who sell five
cent pincnshions for s. ought to be arrest
ed for robbing the males.
Thanksgiving was chosen by many per-
sons throughout the country as day on
which to commit suicide.