West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-02-02
EVERYDAY spioERIEs.


BosToN Commercial Builctins Hens
slang" I'll lay for YOU"
NEW York Commercial: An end that
very few Banks come to-Divid-end.
EAsroN Free Press: IL discounts a
mans thankfulness 10 come down from
turkey to liver and onions again.
New YORK Herald: A great many
people resemble Boston in one particular
they are always about forty miles
from Providence
on CITY Cal; When Tcunyson
wrote Ring the fuller minstrel in, did
he think there was some one at the door
drunken than he WASP
ROCHESTER, Democrat: civilian ID.
Howells tonight" was the announce
ment in Hartford the other day, and the
question was frequently put, "Who is
William d., and what does he do IL
forg"
RoCKLANp Courier: Two hundred
and fifty years ago IL cost man only
furteen dollars for years provisions.
The glorious system of investigating
nine dollars worth of shakesin seventy
five cent turkey had not then been
inaugurated.
CHICAGO Paper: A girl who formerly
lived in st. Louis writes from Colorado
To an old friend: "This il the hand
soonest two hundred acres ever put my
foot down on" Her father ought To get
one hundred acres more and have lawn
around her foot.
DANBURY Neps: Boots of the thir-
tcenth century are occasionally dug up
in London, with skeletons OF cats of the
same festive era. The relative positions
OF the boots and cats show that the
ancients were not much better at aiming
than we of to-day are.
Now under yondoT wood-pIlc 20,
Whore toll TIL return,
And feel how proud thing is
livelihood to earn"
eaddoncd look came DER the tramp;
He seemed like one bercit,
lie slowed away fhe yicluRls cold;
Hc-saw the wood aud left
NEwBURYPoRT Herald: a man from
this city was in Boston auction room,
one day last week, and four pairs of
boots were put upon the auction table;
he thought they were cheap, and brought
them home. They proved 10 be all
right boots, and now he is looking for
the man who has lost his left leg, TO sell
them to him.
NEW York Commercial: Spilkins
saw Jersey Dutchman rowing load
of potatoes down the Hackcnsack River
the other afternoon. What kind of
movement do you call that 2" asked he
of friend, pointing to the sweep of the
oars. The friend said, GA Murphy
movement" "No," said Spilkins, ga
row-tater-y one, | shsuld call it,"
BURLINGToE Hdwk- Eye: We do not
suppose that lecturers are, as a class
particularly renowned for personal cour-
age, but we have yet te meet one who
would not rather see one of his audiences
pull revolver on him than watch.
When n man in the audience pulls out
watch as big as Il tin basin, then fixes
glare of stony, inexprcssible amaze
ment and outraged patience on the man
who talks-brethren, you want TO look
around for clean place in which TO lie
down and die.
NEW YORK Argus- Union: He started
out at ten o'clock q. m, when he said,
wish ysu Happy New Year" At
twelve he was saying, Wish ye Happy
New Year" AZ two p. m. it was
Wishshappy New Year" At four,
Sh-shappy Newyer." Atsix, Shap-
pynewer;" at eight, "Nappyshewer,p
and at ten, thrusting his night-key in
his mouth, and yainly endeavoring TO
let himself IN NJ the frODt-doOr with his
cigar, he turned TO Jones and said,
Splendidtime maxim calls; sh'new'r
ole fellow, n many turns day"
SAN FRANCISCO Bulletin; A glass Of
Intoxicating drink bears a multitude Of
names on ordinary days. But on eiec-
ton days, when the law enforces total
abstinence, new names have to be manu-
facturcd by the grand army of the
thirsty. On such days il has ordinarily
been known as "coflee bean or
Glove" but even these names have now
become stale Yesterday a thirsty cleo
tor walking along Market-street stopped
in front of saloon, and seeing some one
peeping through an opening, he said
Say, friend, do you know where can
get some legsfor No. stOveP' Yes
was the prompt reply; right in here"
And the door few open wide enough for
the thirsty elector 10 slip inside. lie
was seen 20 emerge soon afterward strOk-
ing bountiful mustache.
ROCHESTER Erpress: The story is
said 10 be entirely true, that at the