The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1878-03-14
WIT AND HUMOR.
A GROUND HoG-A sausage.


PROGRESS of childhood pap
papa.
RREEcHEs of trust-Those the tailor
isn't paid for.
NEVER put OF q Joke till tomorrow il
you can do it to-day.
WHEN do two and two make more than
four? When they make %.
THR dopcsitor now says to the lanb
director, "Give us the rest.
The average professional diner-out is
one whose character is very easily guest
A PHILADELPHIA wedding tour consists
in trip to the State House steeple and
back.
WHAT is that from which if you take
the whole some will yet remain? Whole
some.
A GRAVE answer-Doctor Thomas,
did Mrs. Popioy get the medicine !
ordered yesterday" Thomas: 81
b'lie7e Sc. sir; see all the blinds down
this morning.
A MAN who lives on the edge of a
rocky declivity in the twenty first Ward
New York, has named his goat Oleomar-
garine-because it's a kind of butter
strong enough to knock person over.
A POEM sent us begins: "The snow
came down." The information, it seems
to us, is quite superfuous. Now, if the
snow had gone up, that would have
been a very different thing
Erp~ess.
81 was not aware that you knew him"
said Tom Smith to an Irish friend, the
other day. Know him." said he, in
tone which comprehended the knowledge
of more than one life, 81 knew him
when his father WAS boy"
AS A party of gentlemen and ladies
were climbing to the top of a monument
one day, lately, a gentleman remarked:
"This Is rather spiral flight of steps"
To which a lady replied: Yes, per
spoke.i ~ and she wiped her brow as she
q grandmother to a little BOY, wnv was
sliding along a room, and casting turtlVe
glances at q gentleman who was paying
a visit. 81 am trying, grandma, to steal
papa's hat out of the room without let
ting the gentleman know it; he wants
him to think he's out. -
SPIKES says he has thought it over
good deal, and he wonders II the curious
phenomena have been generally OBJ
served, that to-day was morrow yester-
day, and yesterday yesterday was to-day.
To morrow to-day is tomorrow, but to-
morrow tomorrow is day after to-mor-
row to-day. Yesterday to o-morrow is to-
day, and yesterday to-day will be day
before yesterday tomorrow. The day
after tomorrow to-day will be tomorrow
tomorrow, and tomorrow to-day will be
to-day tomorrow.
CRUMBS FROM THE BREAKFAST TABLE.
An old adage says "the hardest oper-
alton of q war is to stop it. The same
is also true of dog fight.
The woman who carries pins in her
month is supposed to be half-sister
to the man who "didn't know it was
loaded"
"She likes to talk With men better
than with women" says a Washington
correspondent of Gail Hamilton. Moth
ing strange about that-they all do.
a Paducah, KY, paper states that
citizen of that place has not closed his
ewes in sleep for six months. What's
the matter with him-blind In one eye
or property heavily mortaged?
We don't say the time will not come
WQGD Ule 1lOu Will Iil@ hbpCpioS w
mutton, but we have strongly defined
suspicion the slaughtered poet will never
walk the earth with a forgiving spirit so
pervading as to embrace the Intelligent
compositor who has butchered his verses.
Some of the papers are discussing
woman's right to swear. Nonsense !
She don't need any privileges OF that
kind--nct while her facial muscles re-
main in good working order. A woman
swear! The ideal Why, bless your
innocent quills, she can look more rasp-
ing things in five minutes than the mate
of q steamboat could say in three weeks.
The impression has taken deep root
that "woman scorned" can do some
tall things in the way Of facial express
sion, but her best efforts in that direc-
ton are slim persimmons compared with
the look of withering contempt and
superciiious arrogance with which the
boy who has learned to "chew looks
down upon the one whose teeth are as
white as milk.