The Morning herald., 1878-04-04
SUNBEAMS.
sweet thing in,combs-honey.


rba matron who led her nephew by
.ha ear to school was true-aunt commis-
soner.
Tho Roston Post says that Queen Eliza
10Th used to eat with her fingers. Perhaps,
uoor u thing, she hadn't any teeth. .
hay seen yung men who thought waz
10 exemplary; they. waz SO good they
want good for nothing else. Josh Billings.
Father-"Why, don't yer say yer grace,
c,'osl;aS ~ Charlie -"Why, COS / don't
l.i.e tbe look O. them there taters."
"Wbat, children! playing soldiers on
c,ndoy9 "Yes, mamma; but We are
sncing Onward, Christian Soldier. ~
Harvard Lampoon. .er r,sa .,.f. .l..
.,Reaching after the unattainable. "A
man fl ,ling up under the back of his vest
M fo~ The end of a parted suspender. Bur-
Angon Ha~keys
A hair from the mad dog is said to cure
tha bite, and the Worcester Press says that
solitary tress from tho hash will cure
rassion for waiter girl. -
Anew boot for gentlemen has steel
clad toe The increasing army of book
and tree agents has had something to do
w;rh the introduction of this fashion, no
doubt
I'm choosing wife, +" says The Phrenologi-
M, ,In,raal. ''be governed by her chin"
The worst of that is, that after having
chosen wife one is apt to keep on being
governed in the same way.
It was rich maauf ,cturer of New Jersey
vlIo said to his guests, ladies and gen.
tlemen, afther the grapes ye shlll have beef
shteak and masharoons, and thin ye shil
bey yenison staraight from Venice"
A Canadian physician has invented an
article of castor oil that he says children
cry for It is so pleasant to the taste that
the gentle innocents do not know how it is
loaded. .-Bu6alo Express.
''For what was Caesar noted?" asked a
teacher of his class "He ct tn Jrutes,"
shouted little George Spnney. The next
day George had a patch in his pants
where the day before there had been
none.
Lady Margaret Herbert asked somebody
for a pretty pattern for night-cap.
well, said the person, what signifies
tie pattern of a night-cap?" "Oh; child,"
sad she, ''but you know in case of
fire"
An Indian on being asked what he did
for living replied, "Oh, me preach"
"Preach said a bystander; "what do you
get paid for it?' Sometimes me get
builliu, sometimes two shillin'." "And
isn't that mighty poor payr "Oh, yes,
but lis mighty poor preachin."
Talk about female curiosity-it's all one
sided. Let one man stop on the street to
spell out sign on the top of high build
ug, and every other mothers son that
goes by will stand and stare for ten min
utes trying to make out what the first
IDIOT is looking at.-Cmctn"att BREAKFAST
I IMh.
lady resident at Boyerton, Pa, the
other night had desperate fight with a
mad dog i'll her bedroom, and finally, hay
ing hurled 1920 set of false teeth at him,
was pleased to see him disappear She
awakened to find that it was all horrid
nightmare, but that the room was wrecked
and hor teeth shattered beyond redemp-
ton.
A new story comes from Oshkosh, and
the Madison (Wis.) Journal thus tells it,
A lady or color left pair of shoes for re-
pair, and after repeatedly calling for them
and being put OF she ''lit down" on the
unfortunate son of St. Crispin and smoth-
cred him with kisses, to the great amuse-
aArnt OF his shopmates Tne next call
brought the shoes.
DrIQg the recent civil war there were
lwo volunteers lying beneath their blankets,
1ooA.A, up at the stars in Il Virginia sky.
S"Js Jack; ''What made you go into the
army, Tom ~ "Weli," replied Tom, II
had no wife and I loved war. What made
you JOIN tie army, Jack = Well" he rs-
pl;.H, Il had wife and loved peace, SO l
",..t 10 #ul."
a gentleman married his servant. A
SHORT tine after tIrir union they gave IA
evening party. Conversation iASy.nG, 81
leAco ru!sulu, when one of th4 lad es sad,
.'A"19l pau.e." The lady of tAo house
immediately exclaimed, awful paws, in
ted 30 would you have awfal paws if
goa 41aA nn! .,no .Ac dirty work i'll yu"r
l!4t That Aaya"
a new bracelet, outwardIy of a most
vI~9'e, lAhoceL,t and beautiful design, hut
'i"afay ravening wolf, has just been
invented and throNu on the market. 1t
AZ" wicked little secret spring that
'r.'e"es out and pirs fellow by the cuff
- moment he touches it and holds him
"j@ until 'pa" Can come into the parlor
ct,N ,l,, tT,ot al,