West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-06-01
The Man With n Boon.


An oldish, meek looking man, with
an expression of cre6ulity and a small
hand satchel, was around town the other
day, trying 10 sell what he termed a
boon TO al sufferers from chronic af-
fections of the feet which gave rise 10
an offensive odor. He had the bad luck
10 fall in with a way who put up Job
ON him by telling him that a certain
Nine-street cigar dealer was Just the
man he wanted To see. He had long
suffered from a difficulty of that kind
which embittered his life, and had become
so aggravated "a to almost isolate him
from the rest of mankind. In fact il
was of such nature that he had been
obliged to withdraw himself from so
ciety and suspend attendance at church,
much to his spiritual discomfort. as he
was jealous member of the fold. He
was also deeply in love with very
estimable young lady, but he kept aloof
from her for no other reason than a
morbid fear she would despise him for
life if she once got a fair broadside from
his noXous pedals.
OF course it was all string of misera-
bile lies, but the innocent old gentleman
believed every word of it, and lost no
time in making his way To the supposed
sufferer. He walked into the store with
his face full of condoling compassion,
and with the most eXasperating delicacy,
proceeded to assure the d, aler-who
happened to be alone-that his days of
tribulation were about over.
What the dickens are you driving
atY' was the first exclamation of sur
prise,
have here" said the man, slowly
and impressively, tapping his satchel
n little preparation for the feet that
has been tried and recommended by all
the crowned"
Don't need it. Never had corn
or bunion in my life" said the tabacco
dealer, grufily.
Sure enough; didn't suppose you
had. But it's not for that. It's mission
Is higher, and if you took me for a com
mon corn doctor you did me grievous
wrong, stranger. Pm n philanthropist
and benefactOr."
Well you'll find it n poor business
in this country. ] don't need any to-
day. You can move on. Good day,
sir"
" ] have a preparation that brings
solace and "
clear out, j tell you u
Comfort TO all unfortunate chronic
sufferers from"
Will you got"
Bad smelling feet"
Did you come in here 10 insult me.
sir? exclaimed the tobacconist with
flashing eyes.
6 Not at all, sir. It's not your fault.
Hundreds of people are in the same tx.
But this remedy of mine digs right for
the root of the trouble, and the worst
case in the world can't stand over four
boxes Of it. All bad smelling feet are
caused by perspi-"
Didn't | tell you to gol"
Stranger, you may never strike an
other chance like this. / warrant n sure
cure, remember, or money refunded.
Think of the gulf between you and her
and give this fair trial. Itll bridge
it, sure"
Leave this store, or / swear / will
strike youW
Why should you vent wrath upon n
man who only seeks TO do you good ?
This preparation will sweeten your life
and restore you again TO society. The
angel of your choice shall be yours, and
the privileges Of the sanctuary shall no
longer be debarred Could you strike
the humble emissary of Hope who offers
you all this for twenty-five cents a box,
or five for dollar"
For the last time ! order YOU 10
leave" yelled the cigar man, coming
around from behind the counter, inter
spersing his remark with expressions
that a church deacon would hardly
make use of except under the most ex-
treme prOyocation.
To hear you talk" remarked the
man with a boon, mildly, a person
would think there wasn't anything the
matter with your feet, but as happen
70 know better, Pll just leave a box
on trial with you and drop in again the
last of the week, when"
But the sentence died away on the
mans lips unfinished, and he probably
never before lift a room in 80 much of n
hurry as he did about that time, and
from the rap dity and earnestness with
/ which the shOp-keeper's boot vibrated
\ around in the vicinity Of the mans coat
/ tail il looked somewhat as though they
| fully realized and resented the enormity
OF the slanderous suspicion heaped upon
| the feet they sheltered
The malicious Joker and his friends
who had gathered around the door. tool
| shameful delight in the discontinue oil
\ the philanthropist and then went in and
\ smoked at the expense Of the house.