Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1878-04-04
No. 20
HulnOr Of the Hour.

The silver question-'Got change for
trade dollar ?"-No1ritoacn Herald.
-Four ounces of ashes To this reduction
must the cremated come at last.-FTee Press.
In the hands of men entirely great, the
paragraph is mightier than the EDITORIAL
Courier. .j0urndS.
The next subject to be discussed by Con-
gress is the Chinese question, and thereby
hangs pigtail.-Ne,c Orleans Picayume.
''Do collectors collect?' asks the Boston
Post, meaning Simmons. They do; they COL
lect at Washington. Philadelphia Times.
Life having become burden to the Turk,
the Gear says, with sweet Hibernian accent,
''Let me Asia all can. ."-BreaAfast Table,
Dialogue between two Bohemians: ''Woud,
o would that had fifty thousand year. /
know what I'd Co." 'What?'' Nothing"
The death of the Pope is sad, very sad, but
it brings one consolipg reflection. He leaves
no children to contest bis will.-CAacago
! Tribune,
A St. Louis girl stepped in the mud last
| fall, and when it froze over the owner of the
land put up some fence and advertised skat-
| ing rink.-Brjdgeport Standard.
If the man who made mistake last even
| ing in the matter of umbrellas will call at this
office he will be welcome to all he can hear
| to his advantage. e. Worcester Press.
In parting with Cleopatra's Needle the Khe-
dive may feel an aching void, and it is pro-
posed to offer him the Washington monu-
ment- Cincinnati Commercial.
Every day or two the telegraph announces
| that somebody has discovered new asteroid,
which indicates carelessness in not sprink]ing
ashes on the Observation-Disclosures Courier.
The wine merchant has bis analyst ad
taster-the more exquisite the better. e
owes, Think in some cases, his taste to the
chemist as well as to the vineyard. Emerson.
Professor: ''Is the intensity of gravity
greater at the poles or the equator?" Sopho-
more: "Yee, sir" Professor: "Which?'
Sophomore ''It's greater. - Universaty
Mdgazi1ae.
An Ohio woman has began coughing up
yarn, and every newspaper is expected to in
crease the yarn by adding little to it. Does
anybody yarn to set the ball a-rolling - Wor-
cester Press.
Celery is the greatest food in the world for
nerves. Persons doing much brain work find
it invaluable. The newspaper men of Rich
mond mostly dine on celery and sturgeon.-
Richmond State.
First effect: II must take the new dollar,
must 1? Good! John, just mark up that
last lot of goods fifteen per cent" And so
the dealer makes things square.-N. \. Conn.,
mercial Adoertiser.
There is more joy in-that is to say, in the
other place-over one minister who proclaims
that there isn't any-tO-wit, other place-than
over the ninety and nine that haven't gone
astray.- Chicago Times
A man who was recently hanged in Canada
for killing his landlord made speech On the
scaffold, in which he expressed hope that
this might be warning to other landlords who
persisted in dunning their poor tenants.
Said him to she. ''What is the difference
between hill and a pill?" Said her to he,
lone is hard to get up, and the other hard to
get down. 1t is old but good" Said him to
she, 'Do you allude to the hill or pill?"
I am taking my holiday now. When the
rest of the world begins to take its holiday,
mean to go to work. The longer I live the
more l see the 1ashness of putting off your
holiday till summer. You might die, you
know.-Mark Iaoain.
''Will you always trust me, dearest?" he
asked, looking down into her great blue eyes
with unspeakable affection. She was a sales
woman at an uptown shirt store, and she
told him business was business, and he'd have
to pay cash every time.
The partisan on moral questions, even on
religious sects or on temperance, will choose
perfect rogue who can answer the test
questions over an honest. affectionate, n0O1e
gentleman. The partisan ceases to be man
that he may be a sectarian.-Emerson.
If a woman wants to faint in comparative
safety, Maine is the place to do it, A woman
tainted in car on Maine railway, and
thirteen liquor TASKS were promptly placed
at her disposal. 1t may be incidentally men,
toned that there were just thirteen men in
the car.-Dan6ury Ne,es.
The following correspondence passed be-
tween a gentleman who had loaned friend
500, and his friend ssDear sir-In closing
my books find that you are indebted to me
500. Please remit. Yours, ETC." 'Dear
sir-In opening mine find that haven't
cent, so can't. Yours, Cincinnati
Saturday Night
A new song will soon be issued, entitled,
''Mother, bake the pancakes brown" The
first verse is as follows:
IS .Mother, bake the pancakes brown
Cook them nice and crisp;
For pale cakes, they don't go down
sa3 Nowheres nigh as brisk"
- WAiteAaU Times.
A Shoreham young fellow has smashed the
relationship again by marrying his aunt and
making his three cousins his step-children,
his grandfather his father-in-law, his grand
mother his mother .in-law, his own father his
brother. in-law and himself the uncle OF his
own brothers and sisters.
The Graphic publishes the portraits of
thirty-six prominent Ohio educators As
rule they are not handsome men. It is only
q question of time, however, when the Ora
Dhjc will get around to the Ohio editors. Then