The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-03-07

VIII aAfloaua goA ~ AAe aAAsAttiH
What station do YOU call this p said a
man a. be crawlcd out of tho debris of a
railroad smaah.up Devastation" 70.
piled the conductor.
A cotemporary advises his young lady
readers TO make hay while the lcapyenr
grass widowcra9
The idea oi teaching every girl 10
thump a piano and every boy 20 BE- a
book-kecper. will make potatoes four
dollars per buahcl IN twenty years.
Girl to butehcr-"How much is that
big turkey a pound y Dealcr-"Twenty
Eve cents pound" Girl-"Giyc me
about half pound.
II Il remarked OF The average Chicago
couple Two souls with but . single
thought-how 10 set rid of each other.
A little girl suffering from The mumpa
declares that she feels a. though head.
ache had clipped down into her neck"
A hopeful minister says that be has no
doubt that the time will come when tho
members of a church choir win behave
just as well AZ other folks.
A little boy who wore striped stockings
was rskcd BY man on the street why
he made BARRIERS poles OF his legs Hia
pert reply was well, ain't ! l...s
shaverf
Somebody thinks DR.. Hollands last
poem i almost intoxicating In its beau
ty.' A sort Of Holland sin, We suppose.
A Newburg goat the other day devour.
ed an entire volume az one sitting That's
what you might call regular swallow
tale goat
What il the difference between good
news and a newly married couple -
There's no difference. One ia happy tid.
ing., aud the others are happy tied uns.
too
Nashville man answered a Chicago
Advertisement. How TO win nt poker"
aud received Tor his two dollars tho fol.
lowing Hold four aces. or don't poke"
A young man sent sixty cents 10 a iirm
IN Michigan who advertised a recipe 10
prevent bad dreams. lie received a clip
Of paper on which wa written "Dont
50 70 sleep
Ny business l. talk" said q stump
speaker. II deal In words "Yes."
said q voice ia the crowd. "and a. long a.
have known you your place Of butincss
has never been closed.
a farmer was askcd Why he did not
take the newspaper Because. naid he.
my father. when be died Left me a good
many newspapers. and have not read
them through yet
AZ the picture gallery. Lady with
cataloruel-"No 5J. Evo tempted
Gentleman (desirous 20 know the paint.
era namc) )-"Who by Lady Checked
AZ his iguoranee) -" why-by the devil.
Of eourso"
Whisper You'll be Nine Love. l. the
title Of a new song IL ia supposed that
The old folks always remained Up with
their daughter when tho author went 90
seo bis girl. and she didn't get an oppor.
tuniiy 10 speak right out
Mamma. asked q precious younrstsr
az n tea.tablc. the other evening. after a
long and ycarnins gaze toward plate %
douehuuts, do you think ! could stand
another Of those fried holesf
A new hotel Eoy tag contains a cart
of trousers pocket In other words. u
the guest goes Oh. the key goes on -
That's a new way 10 play tag not al
together popular.
rs that a brewery q asked a fellow.
passenger on one oi the up river steamers.
a. sho approached the House Of Corrcc.
ton. NO wittily responded Judge
Biddlc, who was a byHtandor. 1T il
rectiiying establishment"
young man, just engaged on q ranch
la Truckec. Cal. was tot 10 driving a
yoke oi cattle and az noon. when he
wanted TO feed them. was observed try
ing TO unacrcw their horns. ia order 10
get the yoke or the animals
An Irish baronet had 20 many rabbits
on his property that be made candles Of
thcir fat And. 10 prove the fact. said
he. "tho moment terrier dog came into
the room the candles Immediately began
10 run"
An Aberdeen scholar has found a now
synonym Tor prccipice. On being recently
askcd. at an examination. how catnracta
and waterfalls are formed. be promptly
replied by pouring water over Pres.
bytcrian."
a certain little damsol. being argTaya.
ted beyond endurance by her Big brother
feil down upon her knees. aud cried 20
Lord bless my brother Tom. lie lies.
be steals he swears. All boys do ua
girls don't Amen.
The other day tho professor Of German
asked an unrcrcurrate Junior what the
gender Of a certain noun was. The Jun.
Tor quickly replied II think u l. ncuter.
sir Al any rate. Il l. neu.ter me" We
predict a grand future for that Junior.
AZ the close OF the aittinga Ia the flii.
nois House Of Representatives tho clerk
read the following II am requested 20
announce that the Rev. Dr. Mcfarland
will deliver q lecture this evening in the
hall on Education of Idiots Members
Of the Legislature are invited 10 attend
A corrsspondcnt Of the Times suggests
that the patron of Llanfairpw llgwngwl.
gnrrrbwlldysiliosog might DO wen 70
consider the claims Of a clergyman who
bad a few vowrls 10 spare. like the Rev.
PiaratanatissataFrunan who in lal2 was
introduced 10 the Duke Of Edinburgh In
New Zealand.
That's all right. remarked the grocer
reassuriugly. o. be chased the piece Of
/ cheese back into the customers basket
| uhenae 10 was cndeayoring 20 escape
/ "Ncs. replied the customer. duh.ously
| . know d must BE-. Tor mite h right
wow. Jenny. my child. remember and
not say word 10 your new nursc about
being black. f1r it might hurt her feel
I iuga' On being confronted with that
very sable guardian. Jenny exclaimed,