The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-09-12
A Distinguished Visitor.
rPeckr.suu.,

A Distinguished Visitor.
tPeok's SUM-
ThessSm Office is in receipt of many
calls, but no more distinguished looking
man has been in than the one who came
in on Monday. 1t is a settled habit with
us to treat every person cordially, and
not to be outdone in anything socially.
If a man were to come in with a griev-
ance or a club, and desired, above all
things, to erect a head upon the editor,
we should receive him with c~ordiality,
give him a check for his club for the
time being, set out a bottle of wine, and
gradually draw him out on the subject
of finance and other great questions,
previous to throwing him down stairs.
Politeness is never thrown away, and
there is no person so humble but that he
appreciates a pleasant word, or a cordial
shake of the hand. And in these days
you can't tell by a mans appearance,
what is in him. A tramp may be
clothed in purple ink on a fine linen ul-
ster, or the millionaire may b dressed as
a tramp. So tits safest to receive warmly
any person who calls. On Monday the
door opened and smiling face peered in.
" Is George inT' asked the visitor, and
his whole countenance from his chin to
his hair, was n good natured laugh of
welcome. AS the good natured sexton
of the Office directed the visitor to our
room, we instinctively dropped our
writing, stopping in the midstof an ed
%itorial, and bottling up ideas that we're
flowing from the spigot at a great rate.
The man walked in and sat his box
down on u mahogany desk, the brass
nails grating the varnish of, and the
visitor took our hand in both of his,
gazed into our soft brindle eye with a
look of mingled love, admiration and de-
votion. He was a thickset, dark com
plected man, attired in a linen buster,
which covers a multitude of sins at
times. We could not place him, ex-
actly, though he seemed to know US like
a book. Squeezing our hand like a woman
he said he had long looked forward to this
day. He said he had expected to see a
large fat man, and we must excuse him
for being surprised at finding a thin,
emaciated, homely man in the editorial
chair. He seemed familiar to us, but
we couldn't tell where we had met him
before. In some respects he resembled
a member of the legislature, and then he
had the air of circus agent. He might
be a railroad superintendent, or a high
officer of the government. Any way, he
was a distinguished guest and we babe
him be seated. He said he was in a
hurry, and he began to open his box,
saying that he was introducing an arti-
Gle. As he fumbled at the lock of the
case we wondered what was in it. II
might be a case of dueling pistols, it
might be a lot of government bonds, or
he might be the agent of some million.
aire that had died and left us much
money, and it was with anxiety hat We
awaited the opening of the box.
Finally the top of the burial case be
came loosened, and the lid few up, ant
he said there were a few hundred cornl
and bunions that he had removed from
peoples feet, and he wanted to know il
we had any to remove. Heavens, what
a fall was there, me countrymen
Of all the disgusting sights in the world
a collection of corns and bunions is thu
worst, and as we reached around for
lemon to ward off ~sea-sickness, he began
/ to tell about them. He picked up
bunion about the size of a peach basket
> and said he removed that from the foo
of a young lady living on Van Burel
street. If there is n thing we won
5 stand, it is to hear a man SANDER a girl
| and knowing that the girl mentionet
wore a number one shoe, and that sh
: couldn't have raised that bunion unles
: she raised it in dollhouse, we decides
I; to kill him at once, so we touched
wire connected with a can of nitrogly
: cerine under the chair in which th
bunion nan was seated, and there wa
t an explosion. Pieces of linen duste
were found up by the water works, an
parties who came across the lake on tn
Amazon said they noticed peculiar loof
ing scales raining down, about half wa
s across the lake, though there was not
cloud to be 1t was corns and bur
0 ions. No one regrets more than we d
S the necessity of resorting to harsh mea
ures to break up this habit of speakin
i'll of respectable girls, and when W
think how pleasantly he spoke to us, an
how glad he was, it causes a momentar
+: sadness, but some one must do these di
b agreeable things. Peace to his fra
e ments. If the coroner holds an inque
on every bunion and corn that is foun'
that will be the best paying Office in IL
Y city.