The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-06-28
VARIETIES.

The father silently patted his sons head
-Danbuy NeaOs.
--"True worth, like the rose, will blush
at its own sweetness" Good. Could
never understand before why our face was
so red.--Cdnden Post.
We are glad to learn, even at this late
day, that Thomas Jefferson would turn
aside rather than step on humble. bee
He was barefooted when he felt that way,
OF course.
-"Now, my little boys and girls" said
teacher, 81 want you to be very still-so
that you can hear Il pin drop" In a mo-
ment all was silent, when a little boy cried
out, "Let her drop!"
One of Sir Boyle Roches invitations
to an Irish nobleman was rather equivocal.
He writes: II hope, my lord, if you ever
come within a mile Of my house you will
stay there all night"
ave KNOW" said the school commit
teeman to the new teacher he was examin-
ing for her position, that A b an G, is
vowels, but what we wants to know is why
they is So"
Mr.. Smith is bound to have his joke.
His wife walked nearly in front of Il rail-
way train the other day, and he said that
if she had gone "step farther his chill
dren would have had "stepmother."
III am going to the other church, after
this" said the pious cobbler "Ah, and
why SO 2" asked the minister. swell, If
you don't get your shoes made at my shop,
l won't get my preaching done at yours"
and off he went.
Paddy, my boy" said gentleman to
an Irishman, whom he observed fishing
away at u favorite pool, "that must be
fine stream for trout" Faith, and sure it
must be that same, for have been stand
ing here these three hours, and not one of
'em will stir out of it."
"A Danbury boy asked his father the
other day what was a philosopher.
"a philosopher, my SOM Why philo-
sopher is man who reasons"
SIS that so !" said the boy dejectedly, ~
thought it was man that didn't let things
bother him."
-"Ma," said thoughtful boy, ~ don't
think Solomon was as rich as they say he
was" "Why, my dear, what could have
put that in your head ?" "Why, the Bible
says he slept with his fathers; and think,
it he had been so very rich, lie would have
had a bad of his own"
1t is when dry goods clerk of 81
pounds weight attempts to help from farm
wagon farmers wife of 202 pounds
weight, that the reporter seats himself con-
tentedly on the curbstone and waits for the
catastrophe.-LOS Angelos Star.
Death iromjoy is rare occurrence, but
does sometimes happen. A Sheffield black
smith, who had been in prison for two
months, retured to his home, and on see
ing his wife and child, was so overpowered
that he ruptured his heart and died before
a physician could be summoned.
In church festival in Newbury, Mo-,
meals were sold at dollar apiece at two
long tables. A fine repast was served at
one table by negro walters, while at the
other exceedingly plain fare was dispensed
by the prettiest girls in the village The
choice was a hard one to make, and the
eaters were about evenly divided. The
pastor ate plain food.
AN exquisite went into the country in
search of farm, and, finding one for sale,
began to bargain for it. The seller men
toned, as one Of the farms recommended.
ton, that it had very cold spring on it.
"Ah-aw ~ said the fop; 81 won't take it,
then, for I've heard that a cold spring ruin
ed the crops last year, and l don't want a
place with such a drawback upon it,"
"A noted highwayman was arrested in
Ireland, and curiosity drew numbers to
the Jail to see the man. Among Others was
a banker, whose notes at that time were
not held in the highest estimation, who as
sured the prisoner that he was very glad
to see him there at last. The highwayman,
looking up, replied, "Ah, sir, did not ex-
pect that from you-indeed / did not;
for You know we'll that when all the coun-
try refused your notes, I took Mem."
--Apropos to an incapacity to catch a
joke, Sydney Smith tells the following story:
II remember making joke after meeting
of the clergy in Yorkshire, where there was
Rev. Mr.. Buckle, who never spoke when
l proposed his health. l said he was
buckle without tongue. Most persons on
hearing it laughed, but my next neighbor
sat unmoved and sunk in thought. At
last quarter of an hour after we had all
done, he suddenly nudged me, exclaimiug,
Il see what you meant, Mr.. Smith. You
meant Joke !! Yes, sir said, Il believe
l did, Upon which he began laughing
so heartily that I thought he would
choke, and was obliged to pat him on the
hocly -