The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-05-04
VARIETY.

\ man who don't know anything will tell it
the first time he gets chance
A man who - won't 90 home till morning is
apt, after awhile, to have no home to go to.
Teacher with reading class: Boy (reading)-
90 And as she sailed down the river Teacher
80 Why ships called she?' Boy (preco-
ciously alive to the responsibilities of his sex)-
- Because they need men to manage them"
young man of twenty recently took to wife
a Pennsylvania widow of fifty, the sole propri-
etress of couple of petroleum wells. OF him it
may be truly said that ' he loved not wisely, but
two wells.
Since the introduction of female postmasters,
a girl goes up to the window and says Is there
a letter for Miss Margaret Robinson ?" :. Yes,''
says the female postmaster, - here is from
John McJOnes.'
When the recording angel observes a minister
OF the gospel holding nail between his fingers,
while he misses it with hamer, the trustworthy
scribe drops into brown study and pretends not
to hear anything. Turner's Falls Reporter.
When YOU see = woman balancing herself on
foot, kicking the other wildly out behind her,
aud skillfully swOOp up in her hand fantail
train, don't be alarmed she ism t going to haVea
ft-she is about to cross a twelve-inch gutter
ATldreICS' Bd-ar.
Young Iady-(who has selected some nice
HlOiTe-GHtigUe for dress.) "4ou Will please
charge that nl0ire-antigue to pa Affable clerk
80 Excuse me, miss, but my employer says your pa
cannot have any more-on-tick until he settles his
last years BILL" Exit young lady in high
dudgeon.
4 PARALLEL CAsE.-Yesterday a ragged, shiv-
ering, middleaged man called at house on Sib-
ley and asked for food, but the lady of the
house called out:
Why don't you work for your food ?''
II 4 -1,Ia I G,,d IL
he promptly replied.
- There's place down town where you
saw wood and earn your dinner she continued.
That seemed to stick him for halfa minute, but
he finally said, with great solemnity:
Madam, let me state parallel case. There
is a place in heaven for you, but you don't want
toTdfe till you are driven right to it,
She pondered over his philosophy for few sec
onds and then called to the cook to pass out half
Il loaf of bread and some meat.
\ BAD FIT.-The doctors of Detroit don't take a
joke as kindly as they might. The other evening
Il citizen of Woodward avenue went block out of
his way to put his head into docter's Office and
call out
''Man at the corner OF Woodward avenue and
Elizabeth street got bad ft,''
The doctor put on his hat and fastened to the
corner indicated, hoping that he might not be too
late to save human life. There was no crowd and
no excitement, and as the NJ ID. leaned against |
sitting on the curb-stone bathing his foot with |
cold water. The boot which he had drawn off |
stood beside him, and the was saying
- Blast that shoemaker blast that boOt-ah- |
yes, blast them -
1t was bad fit. After two or three minutes |
the doctor saw that it was What his thoughts |
were no one will ever know, but as a boy came
near running veOcipede against him, he growled |
not
50 About ten thousand men in this town ought
to be taken out and shot I''-Free Press.
Not long ago man and his wife went to
Kansas to settle. To enable them to pre-empt
two quarter sections of land they divorced;
each pre-empted claim and as soon as their
claims were made good they were remarked,
thus obtaining $50 acres of land
Little Prince Albert John said to his mother,
Princess Christian, . should like to be a SOL
dier' But" replied Princess Christian.
when you are Il soldier you will have to leave
your nurse, whom you love much - Oh.
no, mamma,' answered Prince Albert John ..
often see soldiers walking about with nurses
\ young gentleman of this city was once
teacher OF a Sabbath School class in which was
a bright cOlored boy. The lesson was about the
beams, etc., in the eye. Teacher read here
about mote; addressing the black bowl. do
you know what mote - John (chuciiingl
-'''Clar don't, less it's niger ''-Rochesfer
Democrat.
The conversation fell upon anonymous letters
on which subject each one said his saw: The
arm of a coward - 50 The weapon of an in
former,'' etc. \ gentleman of Irish descent who
had been listening very attentively then said
- One day [ thought l would try what effect an
ANONYMOUS letter would have upon me. so 7
wrote one to myself, well was quite Indifferent
to it,
weII-known Oxford man, who was at the
same time fellow of his college and head master
of a prosperous grammar school, was once de-
tected by an old pupil skating on Sunday after
noon. :. think, DOCTOR was the not unnatu-
raj observation, "you once fogged me for boat
ing on Sunday '' Yes, my dear boy" war
the reply; .' and l did quite right. II d man
really likes boating, one day to him is the slme
another. Skating is entirely different. It
may freeze hard on the Saturday night and then
thaw again before daybreak on Monday
morning.