Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1878-09-07
The Old Family Journal.
VARIETY.

H
Does young man with one arm have an
of-hand way OF doing things
A wit recently defined mask ball as
merciful institution for plain womea.
The camp meeting horn which sounds before
breakfast Is not the horn usually taken 5y Sin
ners.
Some Chicago papers are beginning 20 pub
lish marriages under The head OF Limited
Partnerships"
One Western journal forciLly characierizes
another as vacilating as fea twenty min
utes after bedtime"
The head Of a Boston man is broader than
i. is long. This shows what beaa Diet will
DO for the brain.
"lly rule for punciuating." said the hafy-
eyed composi:or, '' is to 90 it as long as can
hold my breath, and then slap in period.
Even the Russian language has not the pow
er 20 describe the feeling OF the man with
mnsguito bite between his shoulder-blades.
It might be called refined torture when a
Sweetheart visits her lover in Jail and tells him
what good time she expects to have at pic
nc.
A Was being asked the name Of the inyca-
tor # bulter-stamps. replied that It was proba-
bly, Cadmus, as he first brought letters ilio
Greece.
What makes 4 man wild ia these days is 60
pay eve dollars for medical consultation IN
which he is ordered TO wear an Gll-woo UNDER
shirt.
The anti. Murphyites in tie West have
christenod a new drink the " Red Ribbon. -
They wear their colors on the ond Of the nose.
A man can't be talked to death in Georgia
on Sunday. They have law down there
oIligiag the barber shops to suspend business
on the Lords day.
4 baseball player was never elected Ia Con-
sress. This fact should be a strong induce
ment for our youths to organize base. ball
clubs
Jay Carlton, in the Danbury Nelrs, says
strong graspof the band botokens strong
heart. Wha, magnificent heart lobster
must have.
The following may be seen or a tombstone
10 town near Dublin
"Here lies the body Of John Mound,
Lost at sea and never found"
Bankers generally roll their hard money IN
papcr and make it look like so many largo
sp5ols. We rolled our hard money up the
other day and It looked like button.
An Irish soldier, on hearing that bis
widowed mother had been married since 10
Quilted ireland, exclaimed " Muuher /
hone she won't have a son oulder than me Il
she does shall lose the estate ~
A man whose knowledge is based on actual
experience, says, that when calling on their
sweethearis, young men should carry affection
IN their hearts, perfection in their manners,
and confscii0n IN their pockets.
There is beautiful sentiment in The follow
ing lines: lie who forgets the fountains from
which he drank aud the trees under whose
shade be eamboled in bic youth, is a stranger
to the sweetest impressions Of the human
heart"
A garrulous fop, who had annoyed, ty bis
I frivolous remarks, bis partner in ballroom,
among other empty things, asked whether
" she had ever had her ears pierced - " No,
was the reply but have often had them
bored ~
Every man should provide libe ally for
bis family" says the oracle Of Blocker street.
Ever since my marriage | have kept my
wife provided with sewing machine sur
mounted with mirror" " What's the mirror
for" inquired listener Well, said the
oracle, 81 tell her when she gets so lazy sho
can't run the machine she eau 80 still aud see
herself siarye 10 death. Lidrtqe.