The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-06-20


ten cents on the dollar.
Did you ever notice how surprised you
were when you put your foot on the next
stair and found there wasn't any2
Can man fly? asks the New York
Express. Ask some bank cashier in
Canada.
There are indications everywhere that
the dandelion and the lamb are about to
lie down together.
The Mint is bilin' out the new dollars
in way that shows Uncle Sam does no.
thing by halves.
Suicides are more frequent in spring
time, but true inwardness comes only
with the green apple season.
"The parlor is the graveyard of the
house" cries the Rural New Yorker. At
least, it is as expensive as funeral.
This story about the discovery of
trichinia in shad is doubtless fish story,
set ahoat for interested motives by the
fish themselves
Currant worms will soon be making
their appearance. Give them hellebore,
but don't put all the accent on the first
syllable when speaking about it.
One-half the bees in San Monica, Cal,
were lost last year, says an exchange.
Hope it was the tail half, remarks the
Chicago Times.
The man who leaves two-thirds of a
cigar in dark nook on the front stoop
when he goes to see his girl will make a
thrifty husband.
What is the difference between Con-
gress and highly educated poodle
Answer: The poodle can do anything
but talk.
We sometimes hear of public men
taking care of their friends; but Sitting
Bull knoweth how to take hair of his
enemies.
Politeness is like an air cushion. There
may be nothing solid in it, but it eases
jolts wonder fully.
When Shakespeare popped that conun-
drum, "Tell me where is fancy bred ?"
he little dreamed of the shower of
Vienna bakeries that the Centennial was
to bring US.
A noted naturalist remarks that vul-
never miss chance for lark and have
decided tendency to carri-on when
ever opportunity offers.
How nicely this corn pops" said a
young man who was sitting with his
sweetheart before the fire. "Yes," she
responded demurely. ats got over be-
ing green"
Birds are entitled to Justice. When
man is indulging in frolic, to say he is
"out on lark" is libel on that bird.
He is really out on a swallow.
Old Deacon Dobson always boasted that
he was prepared for the worst" and his
neighbors thought that he got it when he
married his second wife.
When the Royal Baby of Brazil cries
his nurse remarks, in pure Castilian,
Now, you Louiz Maria Philippe de AL
cantara Gastao Miguel Raphael Gabriel
Gonzaga, you just keep quiet"
Professor somebody delivered a lee
ture in Chicago the other evening on
'The Hands and Feet" If he meant the
hands and feet of Chicago, he certainly
"a Constant Reader" No; Julius
Cesar did not wear his hair parted in
the middle, but his enemies generally
wore theirs that style after he had inter
viewed them with his little battle-ax.
We are in receipt of two poems, one on
,he "Throbbn Brain" and another on
Bleeding Heart" We will wait till we
'eceive one on the Stomach Ache" and
publish all three together.
When Wawkeen Miller first began
writing poetry he made Goethe rhyme
With teeth" but he has been reading up
ince then, and now he makes it rhyme
With ''quotha."
An Irishman who stood near the third
,ase, watching game of baseball was
Knocked down by foul ball, as he heard
he umpire call it. "a fowl, waz ut
faith, l thought it waz a mule"
A visitor at an art gallery being asked
7hether he preferred pictures to statua-
v, said he preferred the latter, "as you
in go all round the statoos; but you
ant see only one side of the picters. ~
They tell of an amateur sportsman in
Dayton, Ohio, who having heard that
here was an unusual abundance of mush-
ooms in the woods, borrowed dog and
ook his gun and started to kill some.
A distinguished Japanese traveller in
his country writes home: "The chief
ranch of education of young men here,
rowing. The people have large boat
ouses called colleges and the principal
these are Yale and Harvard"
He was fully six feet tall, yet he
up and exclaimed: Talk
1g of short men, look at meP And no
ne could tell what he meant until he
lrned both pockets wrong side out and
asped, who is there in the crowd
lat'll lend me quarter p
A minister nigh to Boston had son
orn to him and a generous donation
ON his church the other Saturday, and
/ the next days prayer he alluded with
to "the arrival of a little sue
Dr." After the service two students
ho sat below solemnly asked him if he
Ieant the money or the baby.
"How did you come to know her?"
,ked mother of her little girl, as she
w her bidding goodbye to poorly
ressed child at the churchdoor. why,
,u see Mamma, she came to Sunday
hool alone and made place for her
4 my seat, and l smiled; and she smil-
|, and then we were acquainted"
In some Texas hotels the night watch
EN- carry guns and wear knives about
ard long When they hear noise they
re- a gun, throw away the knife, and run
to the street shouting police"
The paragrapher of the st. Louis Globe
emocrat is said to be dying of overwork