The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-05-23
PASSING SMILES.


sober man laugh.
1t is said that Chinaman's physique
improves inour climate A Chinaman's
physique can stand good deal of i'm
provement.
lie has not brought in an armful of
wood nor bucket of coal for his wife
in fourteen years. Both of his arms
were shot off during the late rebellion.
IT is we'll enough to denounce tramps
and say they won't accept positions.
Just offer one of them the presidency of
of a bank once. That would be square
| test.
BEFORE a man delibritely makes up
his mind to be a raskal, he shood exam
inc hisself clusly tew asertane eff he
amt better constitooted fur phool.-
Josh Billings.
FOND father" Well, my son, how do
you like college? Alma Mater has
turned out some great men," Young
hopeful Gust expelled >" Yes, sir: she
has turned me out"
A FRENCHMAN studying English de-
clares that, inasmuch as a number of
COWS are called cattle, why a number
of cats are not called cowtle is thing
he cannot understand.
If tax of one hundred dollars be
placed on every Chinaman landing in
California, the Imperial authorities at
Pekin threaten to impose similar tax
on Americans landing in China.
"DoN'T stand there loafng," said the
master of a grammar-school, to three
students standing where they shouldn't.
"We're not loafng," said one of them;
there's only three of us, and it takes
'leven to make loaf"
"CoME till America, Pat" writes a
son of the Emerald Isle to friend in
Ireland; call ye have to do is to get
three-cornered box and fill it wild bricks
and carry it till the top of three-story
building, and the man at the top does
all the work"
NEW Minister (who wishes to know
all about his parishioners)E"T Then do
understand you that your aunt is on
your fathers side, or your mother's?
Country Lad Zometime one an ZONE
times the other, 'ceptin' when feyther
whacks them both, sir"
A CATFISH was recently caught in the
Mississippi River at New Orleans, which
when opened was found to contain the
skeleton of baby and box of shoe
| UldChlHSs 4hC IVA was OPCA, Oub WACA
the blacking was tried it was found to
be as good as when first bought.
The Fashion reporter who wrote in
reference to belle. Her feet were in
cased in shoes that might be taken for
fairy boots" tied his wardrobe up in a
handkerchief and left for parts unknown
when it appeared next morning: Her
feet were incased in pair of shoes that
might be taken for ferry-boats."
LITTLE GIRLS POEM TO SPRING..
Wake, little violet, wake to the light;
The bright dewdrop win give thee drink,
| And If thou weak and fainting be,
| The sun will cheer and comfort thee.
Lifting its head on the streams messy brink,
| Up sprang the violet to the breeze,
| Which tenderly kissed its lovely leaves
| And opened its petals soft and white,
To the happy world SO fair and bright.
A LITTLE boy in Sioux City Sunday
school put a poser to his teacher. The
lady was telling her class how God pun
ished the Egyptians by causing the first
born in each household to be slain.
The little boy listened attentively, and
at the proper interval mildly inquired:
"What would have God have done if
there had been twinsF'
THE other day the Berkshire Courier,
with well-feigned innocence, inquired,
eHow can five persons divide five eggs
SO that each man will receive one and
still one remain in the dish % After
several hundred people went two-thirds
distracted in the mazes of this PROPOSE
ton, the Courier meanly says: One
takes the dish with the egg"
STUFFED mules are found to answer
all the purposes of the real live animal
for horse cars in Milwaukee, and much
cheaper to maintain. The introduction
of steam motors on the cars created a
turmoil among the passing horses, whose
delicate sensibilities were found to be
effectually imposed upon by the employ
ment of a mule in effigy placed in front
of each steam dummy.
PAT applied for ticket to "Ne-
Yark" at the Providence station, the
other day "Shore line?' said the
ticket clerk. "Shure line! What I'D ]
be takin' line as wasn't shure for p
"Shore, l said shore; on the shore. !"
"Shorel to be sure do; Pm not going
to say at all, begorra; dye think Pm
after a sthereidge passidge, and not ac-
quainted wild railroad eahr-r%
Mrs. CARRUTHERs's house was in
, tested by rats. Somebody told Mrs.
, Carruthers that if she would catch rat
and soak it in benzine, touch a match to
it and let it go, all the rats would be
driven away from the house. Mrs. Car
: ruthers acted on the suggestion; the
rats disappeared, so did the house, and
!, Mr.. Carruthers was obliged to retain s
lawyer to recover his fire insurance.
THREE Irishmen, who had dug ditch
for four dollars, were quite at loss to
know how to divide the pay "aqually.
], But one of the number had been t.
|, school. and reached division in the arith
n metic, SO it was left to him. He did i
e at once, saying: Its aisy enough
g Sure, there's two for you two, ant
t two for me, too" The two received
q their portions with greatly increased
a respect for the advantages learning
b gives man.
% AN irish gentleman writes to say tina
e he never found a Frenchman who coul'
l, pronounce this: "Thimblerig Thistle
it thwaithe thievishly thought to thriv
e through thick and thin by throwing hi
g. thimbles about, but he was thwartst
d and thwacked and thumped and thrashe'
:. with thirty-three thousand thistles ant
If thorns for thievishly thinking to thriv
n through thick and thin by throwing
e. the thimbles about" So 1 should SUP
y pose. But the English people are jus
N as unable to pronounce the Frenc
10 liquid as the French people to prt
rs nounce the English til. But it is sti
1T more difficult for any one who is no
is Spaniard to pronounce Madrid i
y Spanish The d must be at once q d an
N a oh without being either.
ie
d. The interior of the Rev. George E
re Hepworth's church in New York is thu
y described: An usher opens the inne
le door noiselessly, and you look dow
TX unoD on inmense c;rone whose axis mu.