The true northerner., 1878-03-01
WIT AND HUMOR.
A GROUND. Hoe-A sausage.

A GREEN -GRoCER-On who trusts.
PROGRESS of childhood-From pap to
papa.
BREEoHEs of trust-Those the tailor
isn't paid for.
NEVER put off joke till tomorrow if
you can do it to-day.
WHEN do two and two make more than
four? When they make 22.
THR depositor now says to the bank
director, "Give us the rest"
The average professional diner-out is
one whose character is very easily guest.
A PHILADELPHIA wedding tour consists
in a trip to the State House steeple and
back.
WHAT is that from which if you take
the whole some will yet remain ? Whole
some.
A GRAVE answer-Doctor Thomas,
did Mrs. Popjoy get the medicine
ordered yesterday?" Thomas 81
b'lieve SO, sir; see all the blinds down
this morning"
A MAN who lives on the edge OF a
rocky declivity in the twenty-first Ward.
New York, has named his goat Oleomar-
garine-because it's kind of butter
strong enough to knock person over.
A POEM sent us begins: "The snow
came down" The information, it seems
to us, is quite superfuous. Now, if the
snow had gone up, that would have
been very different thing.-Bu6alo
Express.
"I was not aware that you knew him.
said Tom Smith TO an Irish friend, the
other day. Know him" said he, in a
tone which comprehended the knowledge
of more than one life, 81 knew him
when his father was boy"
AS party of gentlemen and ladies
were climbing to the top of monument
one day, lately, gentleman remarked:
"This is rather a spiral fight of steps.
To which a lady replied: " Yes, per.
spiral I" and she wiped her brow as she
spoke.
"WHAT are you after, my dear ?" said
grandmother to a little boy, who was
sliding along room, and casting furtive
glances at gentleman who was paying
visit. Il am trying, grandma, to steal
papa's hat out of the room without let
ting the gentleman know it; he wants
him TO think he's out"
SPIKES says he has thought it over a
good deal, and he wonders if the curious
phenomena have been generally OBJ
served, that to-day was tomorrow yester-
day, and yesterday yesterday was to-day.
Tomorrow to-day is tomorrow, but to-
morrow tomorrow is day after to-mor-
row to-day. Yesterday tomorrow is to-
day, and yesterday to-day will be day
before yesterday tomorrow. The day
after tomorrow to-day will be tomorrow
tomorrow, and tomorrow to-day will be
to-day tomorrow.
CRUMBS FROM THE BREAKFAST TABLE.
An old adage says the hardest oper-
alton of IA war Is to stop 1t. The same
is also true of dog fight.
The woman who carries pins in her
mouth is supposed to be half-sister
to the man who didn't know it was
loaded"
than with women" says a Washington
correspondent of Gail Hamilton. Moth
ing strange about that-they all do.
A Paducah, KY, paper states that
citizen of that place has not closed his
eyes III sleep lor elA ulouIus. Wuht
the matter with l1m-blind in one eye
or property heavily mortaged?
We don't say the time will not come
when the lion will lose his appetite for
mutton, but we have strongly defined
suspicion the slaughtered poet will never
walk the earth witch a forgiving spirit 80
pervading rs to embrace the intelligent
compositor who has butchered his verses.
Some of the papers are discussing
woman's right to swear Nonsense
She don't need any privileges of that
kind-not while her facial muscles re-
main in good working order. woman
swear The ideal Why, bless your
limo, ent quilts, she can look more rasp-
ing things in five minutes than the mate
of "A steamboat could say in three weeks.
The impression has taken deep root
that "woman scorned" can do some
tall things in the way of facial express
sion, but her best efforts in that direc-
ton are slim persimmons compared with
the look Of whitening contempt and
superciious arrogance with which the
boy who has learned to "chew" looks
down upon the one whose teeth are as
white nS milk