The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-02-14
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
EXCESSIVE garrulity in a wife en-.
titles Japan husband to divorce.
WHAT is the difference between a
hungry man and a glutton? One longs
to eat; the other eats too long.
THE new prayerof the Turks: "Oh,
Lord! freeze every Russian this side OF
the Danube. ''-DetroH Free Press.
WHEN they speak of a Washington
widow nowadays, they refer to her as
ian alleged widow who would proba-
bly, marry again. ''-Detrou Free Press
The Philadelphia Bulletin advises
Mark Twain not to attempt to edit a
New England newspaper unless he can
put lots of fine language in funeral
notice.
IT has been conclusively shown that
if a man, falling down shaft 1000
feet deep, catches rope after he has
gone down 900 feet, he must exercise
progress.-Detroit Free Press.
SINGULAR, amt it, that when a man
gives his wife dime to buy a box of
hairpins or gum-ring for the baby, it
looks about seven times as big as when
he planks it down for little bittcrs for
the stomach's sake.-Fult0n IN. w.
Times.
JENNIE COLLINS says in letter to
Boston paper that only per cent. of
the shop girls demand charity; that
they are strict economists, of fine
health, money and clothing, and that
they are generous to each other in time
of sickness or distress.
A CONNECTICUT man, whose death
was falsely reported in a newspaper,
writes: ats mistake. I've no
thought of dying. l couldn't afford it
when funeral expenses are up higher
than a kite, and potatoes worth only
fifty cents a bushel in Waterbury,"
SPIKES thinks the acme of civilization
is reached when your wife has pre-
vailed on you to hold the teething,
squalling baby while she HES herself Oft
to the next-door neighbor to discuss the
question of the amount of pew rent
paid by the Smiths, just over the way.
N. Y. Graphic.
II CALL you darling" she said, as
she leaned her head on his coat collar.
"Show your hand" he returned, me-
chanically. The young miss, not UNI
Outstanding his answer, continued to
poker head against his chin, and he hove
ace high of relief ut her unconscious
ness of his mistake. (Mc.)
Courier.
AMOUNT, $500. Items, room rent,
fuel and light. Time, four years. De-
PENDANT, 4 young man. Prosecutor, an
old man. Principal witness, 4 blush
ing young lady. Place. Hanover, N.
H. Verdict for defendant, on the sound
principle that counting must be done
even if fuel and light have to suffer-
Desn'h Free Press.
THERE is negro IN Glasscock Coun-
ty, Ga, about fifty years of age, whose
face, hands and feet, and most of. his
body. have turned completely white
He was once black all over-said to
have been very black. When Il boy a
white spot appeared on his body, and
since then he has been gradually turn
ing from Ethiopian to Caucasian color.
There is similar case in one of the
counties of Central Kentucky.
A MINISTER of limited capacity"
recently married for second wife a
widow of some property. Being an
ardent servant of Mammon, former
neighbor asked him if he did not do
well by the second marriage '.Oh,
yes, indeed he said with animation;
and then. as an expression of reverent
awe stole into his face. he added, land,
what is very remarkable, the clothes of
my wife's first husband just fit me.''
MANY valuable and entertaining
treatises have been written on the SUBJ
ject of noses, but nothing more pro-
found has ever been uttered concern
ing the ethics of that facial promontory,
than the remark of the Yonkers Gazette,
that "no other girls nose itches so
much as that of the one who wears a
diamond ring" Everybody has OBJ
served the fact of the frequent irrita-
ton of the smellary member under the
circumstances mentioned, but nobody
has thought of speaking of it before
N. Y. Graphic.
THE late George Washington could
lose his temper on occasions as we'll as
more common folk. 1t is related that
when he and the other Commissioners
were locating the City of Washington
they found a certain David Burns, the
owner Of some property, rather dis
gruntled. After enduring for while
his opposition, the Father of his Coun-
try hastily remarked: "Mr. Burns, if
the Federal City had not been located
here, you would have been a poor to-
bacco-planter, instead of Il rich land
owner" "Vera weel, Mr.. Washing
ton," replied Burns, "an' if We hadna
married the Widow Gusts We wad ha'
been a poor land surveyor instead of q
rich slave-owner." Subsequently the
two became great friends.
AN amusing incident recently &C.
Cured in a church near Sellersville,
Bucks County, Pa. The minister was
preaching in German, and delivering Il
very interesting discourse, when he
was disturbed by two young men
whispering in the gallery. Finally he
stopped and suggested to them that if
they wanted to talk he would cease and
ALLOW them to say what they wished, but
that their whispering annoyed him.
One of them had presence of mind, and
arose and informed the preacher that
his friend could not understand word
of German, and that if he did not trans
late it to him he would lose all the val
liable discourse. This completely took
the wind out of the sails of the minis
ter. Though it was pretty certain that
the two men were talking about some-
thing else, the assurance of the whis-
perer brought him out first best.
Wonders Of Greenland.
| MIR. CLEMENTS MARKHAM last night,