South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-07-19

Mr.. Preacher. that we are to love our
enemics?" "Oh, yes, Deacon Jones
but it dom. say TO swallow them"
W'An Irishman, who lived in on at.
tic, being asked what part Of the house
he occupied, answered: off the house
was turned topsyturvy, I'd be living on
the first fure |"
~A ST. Louis boy wrote the follow.
ing composition: "Girls are the only
folks that has their own way every time,
and don't you forget it. This is all
j. know about girls,and father says the less
know about them the better off am"
VAn old Highland clergyman, who
had received several calls TO parishes,
asked his servant where he Should 90.
The servant said, go where there is
most sin, sir" The preacher concluded
that was COOL advice, and went where
there was most money.
VIt was Pompton man who said
he had been to concert and heard two
chaps play duel on the piano. But"
said he. cit looked q darn sight more
like prize fight
~"If you would keep your children
in health, give them plenty Of fresh air."
This is all we'll enough; but nowadays
children put on so many airs Of their
own that it is almost impossible to give
them fresh one every day.
ETA celebrated preacher said the
other day to graduating class in one
of our principal theological seminaries:
Think nothing about filling the pcws.
Think everything about filling the hearts
in the pews." 1t is on such nonsense
as this that our young ministers are
vainly expected to grow spiritually fat.
How can there be hearts in the pews ua.
less there are people there2 What is
the good of seeking to preach to empty
benchesp
EE The following note, written to
school.mate by q girl who had been alb
sent several days, illustrates the sweet
simplicity of childhood: Dear Susie,
Il sha'nt attend school again until l
get some new cuffs, collars, and ribbons.
Dear mamma agrees with me that it is
my dooty to take the shine out of that
.upstart, Mary Joncs-and I'll do it if
never learn nothing"
tVWhat is the difference between an
,overcoat and a baby?-An overcoat is
what you wear (were), and baby is
what you was.
Uv"How greedy YOU are !" said one
little girl to another, who had taken the
bost apple in the dish; Il was going to
take that"
t-% All honest men will bear watching.
1t IS the rascals who cannot stand it.
OuT-DoNE BY A BoY.-A lad in Bos-
ton, rather small for his years, works in
an Office rs errand-boy for four gentle.
men who do business there. One day
the gentlemen were chatting him lit
tie about being so small, and said to
him -
You never will amount to much, you
are too small to do much business"
The little fellow looked ut them.
We'll" said he, as small rs / am,
can DO something none of you four
men can do"
"Ah, what is that?' said they.
Il don't know as I ought to tell you.
he replied. But they were anxious to
know, and urged him TO tell what he
could do that none of them were able
to do.
II can keep from swearing " said the
little fellow. There were some bushes
on four manly faces, and there seemed
to be very little anxiety for further in
formation on the point.
tV" Benny" said his maiden aunt,
you should eat the barley in your soup,
or you will never get a man" Benny
looking up, naively Inquired: us that
what you eat it for, aunty?'
CV' Early fruit catches the worm. This
is reliable.
IWhy is n law suit like wood saw?
Because whichever way it goes down
comes the dust
IVA lady sent TO the Philadelphia
Sun man TO borrow newspaper contain
ine, qomofbino profgv ouJ i,torosti,,,