The crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1877-1878, 1878-06-27
THE FAT CONTRIBUTOR.
Ne Takes n Friend TO the Inebriate
Asylum-Tbe NarrOwcst Escape of
His Life

asSlum-Ihc NarrOWcst Escape OF
His Life
From the Utica Observer.
The Fat Contributor" was in Utica
yesterday. He had been to Bingham.
ton to take Cincinnati friend, who was
an unfortunate victim of drink, to the
State Asylum for Inebriates. Girls,
wold's description of his Binghamtc II
experience is touching. Said he: AT,
ter stopping in Binghamton over night,
at the Exchange Hotel we took Il car.
riage and were driven up to the asylum,
which is situated on hill commanding
magnificent view of the city and val
ley beneath. The driver, as he held
the carriage door for us to get in gave
me sympathetic tap on the shoulder,
and whispered hoarsely in my ear: "If
yer anyways shaky this mornin' I've a
dhrop of whisky in me great coat-pocket.
Long time afore ye get another chance,
may be-"
No time to explain the mistake he
had made, so said nothing and the
man drove on. The road was muddy
and our progress necessarily slow, so
that people passing could take a long
stare at us. Singular, they all looked
at me, and shook their heads sadly.
Overheard an old lady remark, as she
gazed at me, poor man, l fear there's
no help for him. Too far gone"
When we arrived at the institution, a
man came down the steps and stuck his
head into the carriage window, gazing
at my companion and then at me, with
a somewhat puzzled air. In moment,
however, he nodded at me, smiled 4
kind of welcome, and said, "did you suf-
fer much from the journey?" Then,
turning to my friend he remarked, in n
lower tone, will he come in quietly, or
shall we need more help?"
Scorning to explain the truo condi-
ton of things to porter, for such he
was, got out with my friend, and we
ascended the steps to hall, where a
number of distinguished inebriates were
assembled. As we passed through 1
heard one OF them remark to another,
nodding significantly at me, tough
case, that" We entered the reception
room, and when the Superintendent
came he glanced hastily in and then
marched strlight up to me with extend
ed hand, saying, my dear sir, / am glad
to see you. got your friends letter
and have been looking for you a couple
of days. How did you stand the trip?"
Sir" said I, annoyed by these con-
tinual blunders, Il have come"
"Yes, see you have come" cried
the Superintendent, briskly, "and if you
hadn't am afraid it would have gone
hard with you. But we will put you
on your feet again, never fear"
"But you mistake me-" I cried with
injured dignity, Il have brought"
mo matter what you brought, in
terrupted the Superintendent, you
would not be able to drink any of it
here if you had brought barrel of it. /"
Hang it, man." cried I. "let me ex-
plain"
mo necessity for any explanation,
now," said the Superintendent, cheer
fully. ave have plenty of cases just
as bad as yours, so pray compose your
self. If you feel like taking a chloral
cocktail after while you can have it,
but you mustn't get agitated."
/ began to fume and swear, and /
really believe they would have had me
in straight jacket very soon had not
my friend, whom 1 had brought here
for treatment, came to my rescue, apd
explained the true situation of things.
If he had been maliciously inclined, lie
might have left me at the asylum with
orders to keep me under close sur
veillance for three months, gone back
to town in a hack and had a high old
time by himself. 1t was the narrowest
escape I ever made in my life. And a
total abstinence man of four years
standing. Now, if any friend wants me
to take him to the inebriate asylum