The Russellville Democrat., 1878-11-07
ARE YOU "SOUND ON THE
 GOOSE?"

serions consideration Of the append ed disquisition. By contemplative pcrusal of it you may learn these things: 1st, all about the goose question; 2nd, how much trouble It may take to answer little question; :; and 3d, what great thing it IS to be profound scholar.
 Who would have thought-who COULD have thought that our simple question would involve the expendi- ture of the time, talent and brain force which it's answer has cntaiisd upon our accommodating frienG, the ever-obiiging, adjective -siinging, good looking Donan!
 But here it is-all about the goose. Read it and be ediaed upon this i'm tant question
 First amsng all proud ornitholog lcal symbol stands the noble goose. When tue golden eagle was but a legionary standard. and Cicero and Cato were only common senators and spouters, the goose was a demi god in imperial Rome. Throughout ail Christenoom, ranking little behind Shakespeare and the Bible. the earl fest literature to which infantile lisp tugs are attuned is the sweet immor- tai rhyme of Mother Goose. The wide world over, ready .anser" is regarded as the happiest type ot wit; and, in our glorious American repub- lie, the highest test of political ortho- doxy is to be s'sound on the goose," which has for years been the only fit and rightiul emblem of our states manship and statesmen. We are most fatteringly, though puzzlingly, sounded on the goose question Tn this appeal from our esteemed con temporary of the Bussellville DEMO GRAF:
 "RussELLvILLE. ARK, Oct. 12.
 My DEAR FRIEND: 1 had dispute to day with Prof. Rowland Doggett, as to the correct way to pluralIze a tailor's goose" We differed. and and it was agreed that should ask yon to decide. Please tell us your opinion, and obige
 Yours truly,
 JAMES k. BATTESFIELD."
 Itis question of momentus inter est to every human soul that wears coat paid for or on tick; of deep and absorbing import to every fellow. like Dr. Mary Walker, who has two slim and crooked walking pins to be entrousered. Stages and philoso- phers praphets and martyrs, in all ages, have racked their brains over It in vain. Ever since the gods themselves. amid the amaranthine bowers of Paridise, stitched the pri- meval bare skin ulster for Col Adam and fig leaf panier for his apple lov- ing lady, the mighty problem has gone unsolved. Solomon in all his wisdom never dared to tackle it. Socrates sulcideed with bug, poison, because he could not unravle 1t Alexander after conquering the world sat down and wept half gal lon of bitter lachrymal brine over his inability to settle this tremendous controversy. Napoleon on the wave dashed rock of Helena, assured his faithful Bertrand, that he would he would die happy, even stripped of his crown and Josephine, if he could on ly!give earth's troubled nations peace and confidence in regrd to the proper mode of plurallzing tailor's goose. And washington illnstrious Pater Patri@, expired sadly murmuring; 70 thai l could tell my couatrymen how to order two copies of tailor's goose"
 Bowed down under sense of the vast and awful responsibility devolv ed upon us, we have called together the elders, and the wise men, the astrologers, soolhsayers and venera- bic grand -panjandrum of the the Ozark peaks, three doctors of div,n ", llneal decendant of Balaan's talking donkey, four congressman a half dozen ancient, skinney and vinegary schoolmarms, an owl, black cat and the ghost of the witch of Endor. We have smoked the di vine narghili filled with the inspir- ing smart weed. We have scracthed our head bald as whole set of bill Hard. balls and pluckered our brow into Cretain labyrinth of green presimmoish contemplation and ex cogitation. We have consulted all the dictionaries, English, Dog Latin, High Ducth and Choctaw, from Webster, Worcester and Ainsworth to ofd Sam. Johnson's in which he defines oats, as "a grain that in Eng land is fed to horses and in ScotloAd to the people"
 And, as the result of all our inves tigations, consultations ana lucum- brations. with the eyes of waiting universe upon us, our decision is that the only possible plural of tai lor's goose IS tailor's geese. Goose is the singular, and geese is the plu raj of it, without exception whether