The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-05-02
Breakfast Table Crumbs,


A HANDSOME thing in ladies hats-a
lady's head.
HAIRLESS CoUNTENANcED hefer-
ophemy," is Boston for bare-iaced lie.
SPIDERS are afectionate little crea-
lures. The females eat up their lovers.
How few of us have anything-least
of all an umbrella-laid up for rainy
day!
The phonograph will probably be
called a "she," because it repeats
everything.
WHEN barber comes face to face
with new big word he never allows it
to get away.
Mrs. FORTUNE, of Halifax, has given
birth to twins-girls. Of course, Miss
Fortunes never come singly."
"THE man that can compose himself
is wiser than the man that can compose
books" but not half so popular.
A MAINE dyspeptic has written to the
Cincinnati Newspaper Union for partic-
ulars concerning their ''patent insides"
AN editor who received communica-
ton with permission to "use it in any
way he saw fit," used it to kindle the
fire.
A MAN wrote to an agricultural paper
to know how to make balky horse go,
and was told to "offer him for ten dol
lars. He might go then"
IF there is anything harder for SEN
sitive man to hear than censure for
faults he has not committed, it is praise
for qualities of which he is ashamed.
WHEN young man in Patagonia
wants wife he rides out and lassoes one
Our bilious contributor suggests that in
this country the other party does the
snaring.
QUININE is quoted at six dollars and
half an ounce, and it is much cheaper
to keep the typhoid fever than to take
quinine, besides being about twice as
pleasant.
A SUBSCRIBER wrote to a journal to
make some inquiries about the next
worlds fair, whereupon the wicked edi.
tor replied that he was under the i'm
preston that the next world wouldn't
have any fair.
"ACCUsToM yourself to think deeply,
was an axiom of one of the old philoso
piers who went around dressed Ike
. rag picker, sponging his living and pay
ing no wash bills. The man whe tussle,
, with the problem of how to maintain
former appearances on muchly cur
, tailed income is about as far below tn,
urface as he cares to get.
THE reason why g. woman can neve
: hit the thing she throws at is said to b.
/ on account of her collar bone bein,
several inches longer, and located lowe
down than that of man, interfering
| with ths free action of her shoulder
, And yet The world is full of blue-nosec
fogies who do not believe everything ha
been ordained for the best.
CIRCUMSTANCES alter cases. A MAJ
will step up with a smile and settle
without quibble, and make bi
comes to bargaining with poor wido,
down to the cost Of the thread, and max
her Wait for the pay till her childre
5 suffer with hunger.
v "PAPA," said little girl to he
father, while travelling on the cars. cd
r they have God in every town." "Ne
= my darling; there is only one God" re
! piled the parent. "Well, I shoul
;. think" said the little one, after musin
few minutes, " that they ought to hav
q God for every town, and then he coul
o keep watch of the bad folks withol
having to travel around so much.'
THE world is full of terribly Ill
e healthy things, if the doctors know an,
= thing about it. 1t is now claimed tn,
:, the practice of touching a lead pencil /
IL the tongue is full of danger and sure
bring @R fatal disease if persisted il
: We raH&r. think we could furnish goo
Ii sized catalogue of editors who are fl
hundred more times liable to die ric
Il :, than they are of ever getting taste
: that complaint
If HUMAN knowledge is constantly e.
@ panding, but it is rather too much
n hope that we shall know after awhi
.e how it comes that woman will go to 6
auction sale and stand around for &
If hour smelling breath strong enough
IS kill the fruit, and then buy an O.
rattle-down bureau with cracked glas
N at higher price than new dressi1
j. case would cost, under the delusion tt
al she has cornered bargain.
n M, GIBOUT has devoted a lecture