The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-04-18
PASSING SMILES.

a OhA lNG-hOOM-d ucHIlsI > OIlCc.
MoTTo for beautiful woman asleep
Handsome is as handsome doze.
FLATTERY sits in the parlor, while
plain dealing is knocked out of doors.
A WoMAN's friendship is, as a rule,
the legacy of love or the aims of indif.
ference.
In matters of the heart it is usually
the fear of insolvency that leads to bank
ruptcy.
IT takes as much wit not to dis
please a woman as it takes little to
please her.
IT is surprising how near age brings
woman to death and how little it pre-
pares her for it.
A YOUNG lady in Utica is SO refined
that she invariably refers to a Spitz as
ga cuspadore dog"
To call man an ass is a reproach, but
in Arabia in bewailing lost friend, they
frequently exclaim, " Alas, my beloved
iackass!"
AN Illinois grave-digger, who buried
man named Button, sent his widow the
following bill: "To making one button
hole, $3.50.
JONES moodily remarks that he al
ways keeps his word. To which Smith
sarcastically replies, "Of course you
keep your word, because nobody else
will take it."
BEFORE thou reprehend another, take
heed thou art not culpable in what thou
goest about to reprehend. He that
cleanses blot with blotted fingers makes
agreater blur.
Chow does the new COW answerP
asked one man of another who had lately
purchased an animal. "I really can't
say" he replied, "for I've never asked
her any questions"
"Do you shave?' asked a six-year-eld
of young gentleman who had just be-
gun to be "down ON the mustache ques-
| tion." Yes" was the reply. "Well,
you left some."-C Cincinnati Breakfast
Table.
A FEW days ago a Norwich man
bought chest of tea in Providence, and,
on opening, found stone inside weigh
| ing nearly eleven pounds. He remarked
that the weighs of Providence are very
mysterious.
| MASTER" Bridget, have you seen my
| Ulster?" Bridget usually very civil)-
Z" No, sure and / haven't: and what's
more, I don't want to. Me brother had
one on his leg onst, and I never want
to see another"
A Houston, Tex, couple have been
married in a photographers gallery,
their portraits being taken at the instant
that the concluding words of the cere-
meny were spoken. The two alternatives
made negative, as it were.
IT is human to doubt. Display sign
| "a int -
and nine men dt of ten will draw their
face to see if the sign is not merely "an
invention of the enemy" The tenth
man never learned to read.
ONE night the master of the house
overheard an exchange of kisses in the
corridor. He struck match and dis
covered the chambermaid and the valet.
She blushed, held down her head, and
said, al thought it was you, sir, l had
encountered. letter.
WHERE was Bishop Latimer burned
to deathP' asked a teacher, in a COM
manding voice. "Joshua knows" said
little girl at the bottom of the class.
Well" said the teacher, IF Joshua
knows, he may tell" "In the fire. y
replied Joshua, looking very grave and
wise.
ANOTHER story of Plus TX: He was
obliged to undergo a painful operation
! which he endured with rare courage.
"Did your holiness suffer much 2" asked
the Surgeon Constantine. "You made
+ me see more stars,'' replied the Pope
| smiling, ethan Father Secchi knows the
names Off"
. A YoUNGsTER made drawing of 8
team and wagon piled with boxes. He
showed his work to his mother, whe
| asked him what it represented. "It If
a man peddling apples" said the boy
"But where is the man?' Gone to
house up the hill to see if they wantany
e apples" said the boy.
AN individual suffering from dyspepsis
calls at physicians house during his
! consultation hour. The practitioner ex
, amines him and declares: 81 see how
|, it is; you need great deal of exercise
but perhaps your business does not
e leave you time. What is your occupa
z tion?' al have been a letter-carrier fol
! twenty-five years."
i DURING dinner the conversation
happened to fall upon the household al
|: fairs A gentleman said carelessly. II
:. is very dlsagreeaple 10 De ooigeu W uis
!. miss an old servant, but still l must ge
It rid of my valet de chambre." "Whyf I
It al have been asking for foot-bath fo
d the last eight years. He has neve
n thought of it, and really cannot d
Is without one any longer"
n ROMANCE.
y Were star. my fellow stars fain would all ou
)1 shine,
That in her sight all heaven should hold no radans
rs like mine.
10 Were 1 a flower of aroma rare, alone for her fiji
at sense,
w in delirious ecstasy, my perfumes would dispens
IN Were song, sweet, soft and low, for her-for b
,d alone,
n ! My melody would pour out, in earnest, tend
tone.
~ And were love, in her young heart my jealo
u, watch I'd keep,
d. Or in her fancy lurking, invade her grlish sleep
ll In her young dreams that star to beth fragrs
nc flower, too,
That sweet low song and love itself, the passiona