The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1878-10-16
Humorous Items.

Humorous. Items.
Chicago critic, on being shown q
landscape, said:" Eyes, it smells like a
painting" The artist dropped the cur
What is the difference between grass
plat during drouth and washerwom-
ans housea One is dry lawn and the
other laundry.
Gentleman: II say, waiter. I've lust
cracked this egg. Look at it," uDonr
lock very nice at that end, sir. must
say. Try the other" i
A good listener Enthusiastic vouno
LADY: "Yoq are fond Of music, colonelf
"Aw-yes, think may say 1 like-aw
What is the difference between a man
struck with amazement and a leopards
tails One Is rooted to the spot, and the
other Is spotted to the root.
The question has been asked: "Can =
Christian go to the circns2o Eyes. until
he's married, and then in most cases the
circus comes to him" --Andrew' 8 Basar.
paper, sir?" asked the newsboy. "No,
l never read," was the blunt reply. "Hi,
boys, come here" called out the gamin:
"Heres man as is practisin' for the
juryl" ~
A curious sign has been adopted at
Cupar by a native baker proud of his
knowledge of English, European loaf.
er" being printed in large letters over
his door.
An agricultural society offered pre-
MUM for the best mode of Irritation.
which was printed Irritation" bv mis-
take. A farmer sent his wife to claim
the prize.
"Fine 'nainsook, embroidered, makes
lovely slips for Children" says a fashion
writer. Orange peel,on,a sidewalk con-
t1nues to be good enough for men,
Picayuzae.
The world owes all its energys and re-
hnement tew MISUNDERSTANDING roots for
and going naked for clothes, IL the break
sast vlrtewous innocence ov lazy savage.
Josh Billings ':* 81 -.
The proprietor ola livery stable should
be stable rnanAof easy carriage-not
prone to be sulky. With such qualifca-
tons he will carryall before him; other
wise DIS gig IS up.
Tcere IS no such thing as posthumous
charity. There may be equity, or pro
pricty, in last designation of earthly
goods, but in real or intrinsic generosity
or benevolence there is not.
Dr. Carver can shoot fourteen bullets
into the bunghole of a perk-barrel while
the barrel is rolling down. a steep hill.
For such man life can hold but few
untasted triumphs.
We want to know if our invitation to
the Peace Congress entities US to more
than five bundred pounds of baggage. We
never like to start on long journey with
out taking an extra pair of shoes along.
A, Virginia woman, it is stated, ahas
died from the excessive use of tobccco."
aged one hundred years. Dealers
should be arrested and heavily
fined for selling tobacco aged one hun
dred years. -.
No man can 60 down into the dungeon
OF bis experience, and hold the torch of
truth to all his dark chambers and hid
den cavities, and not come up with a
shudder and chill, and an earnest cry
I to heaven tor mercy and cleansing.
:. oe'n oSh lOu d lew questions con.
corning the celebrated Damascus steele"
is the way correspondent begins his
letter. Certainly; wefdon't care Dam
ascus anything you want to.-Brook~
ollie Democrat. =
"Who was the doubling disciple?" in
.quired the Sunday school teacher. "Pe-
ter, promptly replied the smart bad boy.
".No, Thomas" said the teacher. "Then
what do the people always say 'Petered
out for?' inquired the smart bad boy
HaDkeye.
At festival of lawyers and editors,
lawyer gave toast: "The Editor-he
always obeys the calls of the devil" IN
editor responded: :. The Editor and the
Lawyer-the devil is satisfied with the
copy Of the former, but requires the orig
inal of tue latter"
A clergyman, accosted by an old &C.
qualntance by the name of Cobb, replied:
II don't know you, sir" 'My name is
Cobb, sir" rejoined the man, who was
about half seas over. "Ah SIR said the
"you have so much corn on that
did not see the cob''
She (bewitchingly)-"O. I'm so glad
yOu1C SoIuS ~ see me 10 my carriage,
Mr.. Brown" He (hattered) -"Indeed;
and may I ask why2' 1She-"O, because
the girls are so jealous, and I want to
prove that 1 do not monopolize all the
good-looking men" Brown satisfied, but
not so happy as he expected to be.
Good name for lady lawyer-Sue.-
to1ne Seminal. For female gambler
Democrat For female
hoemaker-Peg.-St. Simeon. For a
emale messenger-Carrie.-N Y. Neaos.
FOR female compositor- Em.-Torch.
FOR female soldier-Sally. Pass 'er
ound.
Mentor: Remember Richelieu's words
If, I" In the bright lexicon of youth
here's no such word as fail" Incorrgi-
lie: Amt therea Well, it's jolly lucky
nc words in the bright lexicon OF mid
lie life, then-three failures haye made
re.
II suppose you have been to your
'dgc2" she scornfully inquired when she
pened the door upon him suddenly at
lidnight. "No, no, my DEAR" Blinks re-
lied, with gushing canuor, "you see
onnad at a strawh'rv fos,x,,l On NV ,-