The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1878-07-19
An Irish WOman's Wit.

A long time ago, when giants were
plenty III ireland, there lived on the
borders of the county Arna0h ono Rsr-
ney Mcconnell, who lawfuIiv came m
der the above appellatiou. being seven
feet nigh, and made in proportion. His
pTowess was well known, and aeknowl-
edged Tor many mile round; but there
was one thing that grieved Barney
above a little, namely, that he cOuId oct
nobody TO stand before him in his own
country. Now, report spoke Of a certain
giant in Scotland who was labOring uu-
der the like grief, and for precisely the
same cause; therefore, Barney, after
consulting his friends on the subject,
sent a challenge to the Scotch giant, to
"cOme over to Ireland and get the con-
eait taken out of himself"
After due time the bearer Of the chal-
lenge returned with word that it bad
been accepted, and further stated that
he was advised to inform Barney that
/ be had better make his will, get his
coffin made, ETC., as he that he was
about TO encounter never left his work
/ half done.
did you see him ?" asked Barney.
"Faith, an ] did" answered the mes
senger.
"What is he like?" interrogated the
giant.
Faith, Barney, avic, he's like any
/ thing at all but a mortal being"
Chow big is he?" asked Barney,
looking anything but pleased at the de-
scriptiOn of his rival.
"HOw big is he, did you say? Faith,
he's as big as the Ould tower fOrninst
the door, an a head an shoulders on
him like Father MGurneyis bull, an
I hrrn Z h..rH
Barney began to feel rather uneOm-
Portable at the prospect before him, and
straightway went to consult his wife as
TO what should be done in the event of
his rival proving to be such as his mes
senger had represented. While they
were thus engaged, one of the children
came running in and exclaimed:
Daddy, come to the door and see the
great big man that's coming up the hill"
Barney peeped through the ehinks of
the door, and to his great terror saw the
monster. One look was enough to sat
isfy him that his messenger had not eX-
aggerated his account of him, and turn
ing to his wife, he said:
''Shela, jewel, I'm EFT alive, for sartin!
Here comes the Scotch baist to drum
your poor Barney"
When Shela heard of the approach of
the coming foe, and saw her lords utter
| inability to wage war with one so far
superior in strength and size, she con-
cluded that it was only by some piece
of woman's wit that her husband could
escape from the affair without dishonOr,
and accordingly she gently lifted the
child out of the cradle, and depOsiting it
on the bed in the inner room, made the
/ father get in its place, and covering him
up with a quilt, gently seated herself
and resumed her work. After a few
moments, in walked tne cause of all the
disturbance, and demanded an interview
with the giant. Shela, after motioning
with her hand for him to keep quiet,
walked gently across the floor to where
he stood, and in an undertOne told him
Barney had gOue out to the woods. The
giant informed her that be intended
awaiting his return.
Every WELL, said Shela, "Ouly don't
make a word of noise for the life that's
in yOui for there's nothing that makes
him more furious than to hear the child
crying when he comes home"
By this time the giant bad seated
himself on a bench, and was quietly
surveying the apartment; but when his
eye rested Oh the cradle, with look Of
unutterable astOnishment, he asked
| what was in it.
''In it, Ti cried Shela; "don't you see
it's the child that's in il? An heaven
help you If you wake him. The eraythur
didn't get a wink of sleep last night,
with the two back teeth he's cutting"
The giant, with a look of terror and
uastonishmeut, asked what size the father
was.
"Faith, an I can't tell you," said
Shela, "cause l never measured him;
but that gossOon pointing to the cradle)
when the father is angry runs and hides
I himself in one of his boots"
"Laird save usp' exclaimed the giant;
7 81 Wilma mind waiting the moo, Iassie,
l maun be gaun; guide morning.
And so saying he took to his heels,
/ and never thought himself safe until he
got among the hills of his own country.