The true northerner., 1878-01-11
WIT AND HCM0R.
A JOLLY clause-Santa clause.


A DRY -DocE--A thirsty physician.
A SPANKING team-A pair of young
mothers.
How TO make a catfsh-Leave her
alone in a room with an aquarium.
A RARE treat-Asking fellow about
once in six months TO "take something"
The cable tells us that 500 cotton
operatives recently struck in England.
This must be case of cotton batting.
THE difference between O model wom-
an and woman model is: one is bare
possibility, and the other is a naked
fact.
You've man. before setting out to
"court a girl" supply yourself plenti-
fully with ourt-plaster. This will make
her stick to you.
If the short man ever feels overcome
with an intense desire to be tall, it Is
when he finds himself on the outside of
p crowd at dog-fght.
"THAr's bit-up-hill for me, as the
cripple on crltches said, when he came
to place where the road sloped up
ward at an angle of forty-fve.
A LADY doesn't want mud to stain her
dress. And, judging from the way she
carries her handkerchief, she doesn't
want that TO stay'n her pocket.
A MAN had patch put on his coat, the
other day, and then went and had the
garment rebound. He s,il be had it
bound over to keep the piece.
AFTER forty or fifty men had
clamored for clover center berth" a
lady in the tick Office suggested to the
agent that he give them all center
berth. He center away.
"MY brains are on fire ~ exclaimed
an excited lady to her husband Well,
my dear" said the unfeeling man, taking
revolver from a drawer, "just hold
still moment, and l viii blow them
out ~
A YANKEE has invented milking-ma-
chine that can be carri d in o pocket
book. Now ii he were 70 invent a mich
cow that could be carried in the coat
tail pocket, his machines would sell more
rapidly.
AND now comes fellow who wants to
know how they found the stone man
of Colorado" Skies alive We sup
posed everybody knew how they found
him. They found him " stone dead"
of course!
DoCroRs don't believe in Advertising
it's not professional, you kuow-but let
one Of 'em tie up sore thumb for John
Brown, and they'll climb seven pairs of
stairs to have II reporter Just mention
it, you know"
"LET me gee" remarked the guest,
as, sachei in hand, he approached the
clerk OF the hotel, the stage doesn't go
for some time yet, | believe. Am I
right?" "No, sir, you're left. Stage
went before you were up" replied the
clerk.
AT Sunday-school, teacher asked
a little boy if he knew what the express
sion "sowing tares" meant. "Courth
l do" said he, pulling part OF his
trowsers around in front; there is a
tare my ma sewed up; 1 tared it slid
ing down hill"
"OH that l were the Balkan noun
tains |" said he. "That is, indeed, re-
markable wish, replied some one: "and
why, pray, would you be anything SO
% Because, replied
the dead-beat, eff L were the Balkan
mountains, you see, [ could have nine
passes"
CONVERSATION between an inquiring
stranger and steamboat pilot "That
is Black mountain ?" Eyes, sir, highest
above Lake George" "Any
legend CT story connected with that
?" "Lots of 'em. Two low
ers went up that mountain once and nev-
er came back again." Indeed! Why,
what became of them?" event down
on the other side u
AN Aberdeen man was telling his
symptoms-which appeared to himself
of course dreadful-to Scotch medical
friend, who ut each new item of disorder
"Charmingl Delightful
Pray go onH And when he had fin
ished the doctor said, with the utmost
pleasure "Do you know, my dear sir,
you have got complaint which has
been for some time supposed to be ex-
tinct? am 80 glad T.
WHEN Washington was carving his
way into the hearts of his countrymen,
do you suppose he ever leaned upon his
sword to ponder that the day would come
when his portrait would look down be-
from over bar upon two red
nosed snoo2ers putting away bad whisky,
and jamming their noses into etch others
eyes as they discussed, in mangled En-
glish, the boons an1 blessings of free
dom 2-Cincinaati Bre0,fast Tabte.