Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1878-07-21
Humorist Items.
A panetul sight--A dollhouse,


What the milkman never treats you to
A nice cream.
Motto OF a commissioner is
Heavens worst law.
How to acquire short hand-Fool
around buzz saw.
Out in the Black Hills jack rabbits are
called narrowguage mules.
The Louisville Courier Journal parses
,"love" as 'fine-night verb
1t was on entering a barber shop that
Rienzi said, II come not here to talk
A Wisconsin base ball player took a
hot liner on his nose, and now he smells
through his ears.
The Greeks kept no cats, and wore no
boots hence they had no use for boot
jacks.
A young Oil Citizen calls his sweet
heart Revenge, because she is sweet
Oil CITY Derrick.
'sAll flesh is grass" yet a very poor
quantity of hay is obtained BY cutting
ones friends.
Put two slices of cucumb Der into Pho
,nograph and hear whether or not it yells
for doctor.
Twins have occurred ffty-six times in
Ohio within the past year, so great is the
demand for Ohio men.
An Irishman wanted to know if the
thero of Greece, "Mark O'Bozarris' wasn't
a son Of the old sod.
Mad dogs might as we'll go out of the
business. There are now thirteen diff
ferent cures for hydrophobia.
The young man who boasted that he
could marry any girl he pleased found
that he could not please any.
If there is any one who is anxious to
know how to make a dollar, hels respect
ed TO visit the mint.
"A new cigar has been named the can
mex 1t is to be hoped that the propri-
etors wi II not charge an-extra price for
them.
A sign posted up in wisconsin saw
mill reads: 1.-THE saws are all running
no use to touch them to convince yonr-
selves
The air is so balmy that the young
women who is taking piano lessons can
have the window up. This is very graft
tying to us.
Didn't you always notice that when
you spilled bowl of gravy st dinner,
the attraction of gravy tarion is strongest
toward your lap?
Mister Twiggs: This is how it is,
Miss; some flowers are like some peo-
ple-plart 'em anywhere and they'll
grow beau -ti-ful. '-London Fun.
zone is glass i'll eyes and the other is
dsinglass." That is the answer-and a
very clever one it is, too. What we want
now is a conundrum to fit it.
There hasn't been Western town up
set by q tornado, or rent in twain by a
cycle for whole day Go West, young
man, go West and blow up with the
country.
"What is the name of your cat, SIR"
inquired visitor. "His name was Will
iam," said the host, "until he had fits
and since then we have called him Fitz
William
"Why," asks housewife, ''does pork
shrink in the coeking?' Woman avaunt
We are too busy irving to find out why it
shrinks in the smoke house to answer
such trivial question.
An editor asks: "How do the Indians
get arms?'' and the atrocious Cincinnati
Saturday Might supplies the information
as follows: 'W-ll, very much as they
get legs and other things
On being asked why he went into
bankruptcy, he replied 'Well, my Ii
abilities were large, my liabilities num-
erous, and my probabilities unpromising;
and so thought I'd do as my neighbo1s
do"
4What good is they, anyhow" scorn-
the fair sex. Did you ever know EN- to
stop and give Teller job? Not much /!
They amt got no shoes on fit to blacken,
anyways"
''Gates Ajar" may be very beautiful in
the minds eye of a sentimental young
lady, but when fellow is hurrying home
upon dark and stormy night and finds a
few gates aar he cusses awfuly. That
is, if they swing across the walk.
When you see ayoung man come stroll
ing up the street at twilight, with his
face Ell scratched, no hat, white vest
with traces of canned peaches on it, and
light pantaIoons torn and ragged, it Is a
sign that that young man has been on a
picnic, and firmly believes that he has
had lots of fun.
A magazine writer says there is Ian
guage of the hair. Don't doubt it in the
least At any rate we have heard OF toll
cradle we'll authenticated cases where a
single auburn hair on dark coat.colar
could talk palmer than guide board,
and furnish the material for a whole
course of lectures.
A little boy hearing some one remark
that nothing was quicker than thought,
said, II know something that is quicker
than thought. ''What is it Johnny?"
asked his pa. "Whistling," said johnny.
''When I was IN school yesterday, I
whistled before l thought, and got licked
for it, too"
He thought to head off the voluble
barber. Sitting down in chair. he SAID
II want shave, a shampoo, bath, a
bottle of hair tonic, one Of Florida water,
private cup and brush, and stick of
cosmetic" The tonsorial artist was stag
gered for an instant, but quickly recov-
ering, he suggested that he was the agent
dor 'The new patent flexible steel-wire