The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-04-27
NUMBER Q.
PASSING SMILES.

A WoMAN's friendship is, as rule
the legacy of love or the aims of indif-
ference.
In matters of the heart it is usually
the fear of insolvency that leads to bank
ruptcy.
IT takes as much wit not to dis
please woman as it takes little to
please her.
IT is surprising how near age bringsa
woman to death and how little it pre-
pares her for it.
A YOUNG lady in Utica is so refined
that she invariably refers to a Spitz as
"a cuspadore dog"
To call man an ass is reproach, but
in Arabia in bewailing lost friend, they
frequently exclaim, "Alas, my beloved
jackassP'
AN Illinois grave-digger, who buried
man named Button, sent his widow the
following bill "To making one button
hole, $3.50.
In the window of a shop in an obscure
part Of London is this announcement:
Goods removed, messages taken, car
pets beaten, and poetry composed on any
subject"
| OONEb uuOOully ISudIhb bildb uC III
ways keeps his word. To which Smith
sarcastically replies, "Of course you
keep your word, because nobody else
will take it"
BEFORE thou reprehend another, take
heed thou art not culpable in what thou
goest about to reprehend. He that
cleanses a blot with blotted fingers makes
agreater blur
How does the new COW answer"
asked one man of anott or who had lately
purchased an animal az really can't
say" he replied, "for I've never asked
her any questions"
"Do you shaver" asked a six-year-old
of young gentleman who had just be-
gun to be "down on the mustache ques-
ton" Yes" was the reply. "Well,
you left some."- Cincinnati Breakfast
Table.
A FEW days ago a Norwich man
bought chest of tea in Providence, and,
on opening, found stone inside weigh
| ing nearly eleven pounds. He remarked
that the weighs of Providence are very
mysterious.
AsTER =" Bridget, have you seen my
u ter2' Bridget usually very civil)-
ono, sure and / haven't: and what's
more, don't want to. Me brother had
one on his leg onst, and never want
to see another"
A Houston, Tex, couple have been
married in a photographers gallery,
their portraits being taken at the instant
that the concluding words of the cere-
mony were spoken. The two Alternatives
made negative, as it were.
IT is human to doubt Display sign
with the inscription, Beware OF paint"
and nine men Odt of ten will draw their
forefngers across the newly painted sur
face to see If the sign is not merely "an
invention of the enemy" The tenth
man never learned to read.
ONE night the master of the house
overheard an exchange of kisses in the
corridor He struck a match and dis
covered the chambermaid and the valet.
She blushed, held down her head, and
said, / thought it was you, sir, had
encountered. "-Paris letter.
WHERE was Bishop Latimer burned
to death? ' asked teacher, in COM
manding voice. Joshua knows" said
a little girl at the bottom of the class.
WE'LL" said the teacher, If Joshua
knows, he may tell" ain the fire."
replied Joshua, looking very grave and
wise.
ANOTHER story of Plus TX He was
obliged to undergo painful operation
which he endured with rare courage.
did your holiness suffer much 7" asked
the Surgeon Constaptini. "You made
me see more stars" replied the Pope,
smiling, ethan Father Secchi knows the
names Off
A YoUNasTER made drawing of a
team and wagon piled with boxes. He
showed his work to his mother, who
asked him what it represented; :" 1t is
man peddling apples" said the boy.
But where is the mani" "Gone to
house up the hill to see if they wantany
apples" said the boy.
DURING dinner the conversation
happened to fall upon the household at
fairs. A gentleman said carelessly. 1T
| is very disagreeable to be obliged 20 dis
miss an old servant, but still / must get
| rid of my valet de chambre." "WhyT
+" have bccn ASKING for fOot-bath for
the last eight years. He has never
thought of it, and really cannot do
without one any longer"
A ROMANCE.
Were star, my fellow stars fsin would all out
shine,
That in her sight all heaven should hold radiance
like mine.
We're flower Of aroma rare, alone for her fine
sense,
/, in delirous ecstasy my perfumes would dispense.
Were song, sweet, soft and low, for her-for her
My melody would pour out, in earnest, tender
tone.
And were 1 love, in her young heart my jealous
watch I'd keep,
Or, in her fancy lurking invade her girish sleep.
In her young dreams that star to be- that fragrant
flower, too,
That sweet low song and love ITSELF the passionate,
AN individual suffering from dyspepsia
calls at physicians house during his
consultation hour. The practitioner ex-
amines him and declares: see how
it is; you need great deal of exercise,
but perhaps your business does not
leave you time. What is your occupa-
tionW 81 have been a letter-carrier for
twenty-five years."
BOURBON (you know Bourbon son of
old Bourbon, of Bourdonville, Bourbon
County his mother married Bourbon,
Bourbon says, The PEARLS the image OF
purity, and woman is purer than the
pearl" And do you know, somehow
we always think of this when we look at
woman who has just got through black
ing stove,