The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1878-08-24
THE GIRLS.
A LITTLE ADVICE BY JOSH BILLINGS.


Dear girls, are you in search of husbands?
That is pumper, and you are not reques-
ted to say Eyes" out loud, but are expedited
tew throw yure eyes down onto the earth as
tho you was looking for a pin, and reply
tew the interrogatory with a kind of draulin
sigh.
Not tew press so tender theme until it
behums a,thorn in the flesh, we will pre-
suine (tew avoid argumenD that you are ON
the lookout for something in the male line.
Let me give you sum small chunks ov ad-
vice how to spot your future husband:
l. The man who is jellous on every little
attenshun which you get from sum other fell
low yu wud find after yu are married to him
he luvs himsef more than he duz you, and
what you mistook for solissitude yu will
discover has changed to indifference.
2. A mustach is not indispensable; it is
only a little more hair, and is much like
moss and other excressences-ofte doz the
best on sle that wont raise anything else.
Don't forget that those things which you adj
mlre in fellow before marriage you will
probably dislike in a husband after, and
mustach will get to be very weak diet af-
ter long time.
8. If husbands could be took on trial, as
Irish cooks are, two-thirds ov them would
probably be returned but there don't seem
to be eny law for this. Therefor, girls, yu
will see that, after you git man, yu have
got tew keep him, even if you loze on him.
Consequently, if yu have got eny kold Wit
ties in the house, try him once in a while
| during securing season, and, if he swallers
| them we'll, and sez he will take some more,
he IL man who, when blue Monday Gums,
will wash well.
4. Don't marry pheller who is alwus tel
lin how his mother doz things. 1t il too
hard to ween yung one.
5. If a young man can beat yu playing on
pianner and kant hear fish-horn play
ing on the street without turning summer
sault on account of the muslck that is in him,
| say leave him; he might answer to tend
babe, and, if yu set him hoeing out the gar
den, yu will find that yu have got to do it
yourself A man whoze whole heft lies in
musick land not too hefty at that amt no
better than a seedlitz powder, but, if he luvs
to listen while yu sing sum gentle ballad, yu
will find him mellow and not soft. But
don't marry ennybody for just one vrtew
emmy quicker than yu would flop a man for
jst one fault.
6. 1t is one of the most tufest things for
femele to be an old maid successfully. A
great many has tried it and made bad job
of it, and had hard time. Every body
seems to look upon old maids jist as they do
upon dried herbs in the garret-handy for
sickmess-and therefore, girls, it amt mis-
take that you shud be willing to swop oph
with some true-hearted phellow for hus-
band. The swop IL a good one; but don't
swop for any man who is respectable jist be-
cause his father is. You had better be an
old maid for 1900 years, and then join the
Shakers, than tew buy repentance at this
price. Nowoman ever made this trade who
didn't get either phool, mean Gus, or a
clown, for husband.
T. In digging down into this subject l find
the digging goes harder the further l git 1t
is much easier to inform yu who not to take,
for the reason there is more of them.
don't think you will foller my advice if
give it, and therefore will keep it, for l
look upon advice as l do upon castor-ile-a
mean dose to give and a mean dose to take.
But must say one thing, girls, or sple. If
you can find a brght-eyed, well-balusted
boy, who looks upon poverty az sassy az
child looks upon wealth-who had rathersit
down upon the curbstone in front of the
Fifth Avenue Hotel and eat ham sand
wich than go inside and run in debt for his
dinner and toothpick-and who is man
with that sort of pluck that mistakes defeat
for a victory, mi advice is to take him
body aud soul-snare him at onst, for he is
a stray trout, breed very skarse in our
waters.
Take him, say, and build onto him as
hornets build on a tree.