Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1878-01-23

quered.-Rochester Democrat.
What makes England rise Too
much East.--N. Y. Telegram.
To Lard Makers-If at first yor
don't succeed try, try again.-Nev
York Hearld.
A woman disguised herself ant
whipped her rival. Now she is
trying to mask her raid. Good lit.
tie pun.-New York Heard.
A Saginaw City court has de.
cided that "oysters are fish" But
shell fish he called oysters 9-Com-
mercial Advertiser.
An intelligent German Thus ex-
pressed his preference for Gnack
doctor: 81 would no call him ov
my cat was dead."-Rochester
Journal.
"Papa," sail a little girl, "give
me ride on yonr knee, won't you"
He took the little galIop at onre.-
New York Commercial Advertiser.
The latest use Of the tele-
phone is for armies in the field to
guard against hostile surprises
By it's employment either side can
tell a TO n a minute.
"Who stole the spring weather ?"
inquiries the Free Press. A De-
troit man. sir. We saw much of
its Sunshine in his very nose
Rochester Chronicle.
The ladies are all opposed to the
telephone. They don't care to have
a young fellow whispering in their
ears with his month twenty miles
away.-Funnv Folks.
General Bounrer Ton a round of
inspection at Sandhurst)-Augh
Can You tell me what "me>s" this
isl Cadet-Well. they call it NUT
ton, bnt l wouldn't vouch for it.
Punch.
In London, years ago, prize of
$50 was offered for the best origin
nj Joke, and Horne Tooke it.-Nor-
ristown Herald.
Now, he honest. Didn't Theo-
dore Hook itr-On City Derrick. ;
The Brooklyn Eagle inquiries,
"What is Christianity 2" Christi
anity, my hoy, is seeing a fellow
mortal slip down on the sidewalk |
without reminding him that he has
dropped something."--Wor
Press.
A slip of the compositor's def
fingers makes the Boston Adver-
tiser say that lecturer talked to
the Young Hens Christian Asso-
OF course the speaker ad-
dressed only the laity.-Worcester
Press.
Two gentlemen were debating
the character of a mutual acqnaint-
,nce. Said one, "You must admit
he has lots of moral principle. >
WELL" retorted the other, "he
ought to have, for he never uses
my"
"Have you Goldsmith's Gre ece ?"
vas asked of the clerk in store
n which hooks and various mis-
articles were sold. "No,"
'aid the clerk rehectively, "we
haven't Goldsmith's greece. but we
rave some splendid hair OIL"
Small Girl-"Mamma, give me
ome more" Mamma (who wants
he small girl to say "please")-"I
lon't hear you my child" Small
jirl-"Givc me some more pie"
don't hear you, my {
hild." Small Girl-"Oh, mamma,
on must he near-sighted in the
ars. New York World.
The British Bible Society re- q
,orts an astonishing demand for {
he Bible among the Cossacks - ,
)ver sixty thousand have been dis e
within the last few weeks.
'he excellent linen paper makes
he best Of gun-wadding, and thus T
he gospel is spread among the Z
turks. i
When a gentleman rises 10 give {,
is seat in a horse ear to a lady az :.
by another gentleman. a
lis courtesy for the latter to offer r
he first vacant seat to the first "
entleman, instead Of orcnpying !,
himself.-Boston Society. !,
Say it over again, and say il
owly.-Boston Globe.
.
We have hell in onr private Of :,
re. II is used To call one of onr !,
oys with. AT least that Is the Il
opnlar legend connected with the !,
rticle. When we want one Of the u
oys we ring the hell, and then 90 "
ut in the back office and hnnt him o
p and tell him Of the fact. IL al n
avs pleases him to learn that we ~
i've been ringing g--Rocklaud Conr-
r.
Athletic Cnrate from adjacent ~
irish. who has been following the {,
,unds on foot and heen "thrown 0
't'0-"Well, sir, did Won kill himl" - -
e meant the fox. Bnt IL was an 3,