West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-03-30
MIR. DOwNE'S EXPERIMENTS.


spent his life in experiments. II is
doubtful if he could have existed apart
from them. He boiled and stewed
and compounded and triturated and
evaporated constantly. He would have
distilled himself in some of his retorts
1T by any means he could have been ap-
prised of the result after it was all
over.
To a person who had any nerves il was
agony TO be in his company. johnson
and Walker combined never dreamed of
such string of fearful words as he
could hitch together, with which to
entertain (O his unfortunate listeners.
Mrs. Ellen Pike, blooming widow of
thirty, was his landlady. She had
boarded him for five years, and still
lived-which ought to be convincing
proof of the tenacity with which life
clings to us.
Nothing but the fact that Mr.. Donew
paid his board with regularity, and that
he was a bachelor, prevented Mrs. Pike
from giving him warning to seek other
quarters.
Everything in the house bid fair 10 be
ruined or annihilated by his expert
ments. He had melted all the pewter,
turned the silver black, analyzed tho
Seapots, until one day the bottom fell
out of the best one when the widow was
pouring the tea, and the hot water few
all over select company of guests,
scalding Mr.. Downe severely, frighten-
ing the widow nearly out of her senses,
and skinning the back of the cat so
eflectually that there was light stripe
there for a year afterward.
Everything that was susceptible to
rust was rusted. He was continually
trying the strength of his acids and the
widows best china was a fine euir color
from the effect of his alkalies. The
widow herself began to look yellow
under the chemical atmosphere that
filled the place.
Still Mr.. Downe persevered. The
cause of science was glorious one, he
said; mans life could not be better
spent than in devotion TO such a noble
cause.
What mattered it if his hair stood up
like bristles, and his face bore all the
colors of the rainbow, and his coat re-
minded one Of Joseph 's-what mattered
1T, if he could tell the specific gravity of
all known substances and the chemical
equivalent for the same?
Ever since Mr.. Downe had boarded at
the widows that lady had very con
slant visitor in Miss Sarah Stelle, a lady
of rather doubtful age. who, people
maliciously said, was seeking for a hus-
band. But, as Miss Stelle was very
intimate friend of Mrs. Pike, it is by no
means singular that she should take
pleasure in visiting her frequently, and
getting cup of young hyson.
One afternoon she came for friendly
visit, accompanied by married ac-
quaintance-a Mrs. Kinks.
"Dear me-" said Miss Stelle to the
widow, how do wish | could see the
inside of Mr.. Downe's laboratory I've
heard so much Of it, and / am such an
admirer of such things. Don't you think
he would let me-"
"My dear Sarah" remarked Mrs.
Kinks, who, as an intimate friend, never
lost the opportunity of saying disagree
able thing, people say il is rather un-
safe for most women to visit a chemical
laboratory"
Why, pray" inquired Miss Stelle.
Why, they say the gases will be sure
TO reveal the fact if one uses cosmetics" !"
Miss Setelle blushed, even through
her rouge and pearl powder.
Then you had better keep away"
she retOrted
Mrs. Kinks smiled-she knew the
shot told, and was happy. Women are
such amiable, good-hearted-creatures,
you know
AT supper Mrs. Pike broached the sub
ject.
Mr.. Downe, these ladies have heard
30 much Of your laboratory that they
would like peep at its mysteries
"Oh, Mr.. Downe," said Miss Stelle
with animation, am sure il would be
so nice! ] perfectly dote on retorts and
crucibles, and such things. II is a
charming pursuit. You must be per
fectly happyW
Yes, madam. It is delightful
quite agree with you. ! am pleased Il
find q person Of your sex sensibl,
enough to express such an opinion. M
lady's education should be considered
complete without a thorough knowIedg,
Of chemistry. Why, chemistry, ma'am
is the very foundation, the cornerstone
Of cookery, and without cookery. wha
would the world be2 A waste-a desc
late waste-unft for the habitation o
man"
g So you will let us go in, will you p
said Mrs. Kinks.
OF course To be surei ! shal
ieel honored / am just making an ex
pertinent with a detonating powder
something entirely new. II will astonisI
me world yet--one Of my own invep