St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-07-19
SQuibs.

siguer)
The female gate-keeper on the Ma
tIonal pike has been removed foI dead
heading her sweet heart She never
tolled her love.
AS they passed gentleman whose
optics were terribly on the bias, little
Dot murmured: ''Ma, he's got one eye
that don't go.'-SyrGcuse Times.
Any German will tell you that sit is
not good for man to beer alOne."-
Whitehall Times.
Mrs. jerks says she will not lecture
but Mr.. jerks says he knows better
Buffalo Express.
When bridegroom finds all the
clothes he owns in the world hung one
over the other on hook behind the
pantry door he realizes for the first
time that the honeymoon is over.-An-
drelUs' Bdsar
A man whose knowledge is based on
actual experience says that when call
ing on their sweethearts Young men
should carry affection in their hearts,
perfection in their manners, and con-
fection in their pockets.
An Englishman began as vegetari-
an and married, living on bean stew,
potato stew, meal pudding, carrots and
turnips, with Il breakfast of porridge
and bread. He began on an income of
$3.50 per week, his present income is
$50, 700 year. No cards.
A farmer in Warren county writes to
US inQuiring what he should get for
kicking cows. You ought to get five
years in the penitentiay if you kick
them every milking time.-Saturday
Night
A well known actress being asked her
age, frankly replied: ~ have four
ages; the family archives unfortunate
ly proclaim that l am fifty; by day
light pass-tor thirty-six by gaslight
not more than thirty, and, with all my
war-paint on, in soft light and no
rude glare, pass for five-and-twenty."
1t doesn't pay to take the springs and
stqffing out of sofa and then get i'll
side yourself i'll order to discover
whether your wife is unfaithful or not.
Perhaps this advice may be regarded
as supert1uOus by our married readers,
but Mr.. John Enders of Chilicothe, O.,
adopted this plan last week. 1t would
have possibly been successful, but when
AAi -. lie pOlt, pdu HldIl Oh the
occasion entered the apartment, Mrs.
f., who is very fat, sat right down over
Mr.. E.'s head, and uncOnsciously
smothered that suspicious gentleman to
death. This is warning to married
men.
The New York communists recently
paraded with IL banner saying Bread
or Lead" If that's all they want they
can step into some North river restau-
rant and get both in one. These fell
lows don't want anything containing
yeast, as that is inclined to work.-LOw-
ell Courier.
An old bachelor, picking up book,
exclaimed, upon seeing a wood-cut
representing man kneeling at the feet
of woman, Before | would ever kneeI
to woman | would encircle my neck
with rope and stretch it." And then,
turning to a young woman, he inquired,
''DO You think ii would be the best
thing | could do 2" ''It would undoubt-
edly be the best thing for the woman"
They were sitting on the piazza near
the seaside. He was her lover, hand
some and full of impassioned youth.
She was sentimental and pretty, but
the mosquitoes were buzzing around her
so lively that even love became monot-
Onons. Finally there was lull in the
conversation, which he broke by OBJ
serving: "What are the wild waves
singing y She smiled sweetly, and
swinging one of her ivory arms over her
golden curls, lisped: II think they
must be singing Home, Sweet Home.n
He left.
College professor Ito junior, who has
been taking advantage of his absent
mlndedness y young man, find on
looking over the records that this makes
the NTH time i'll two years that you
have been granted leave of absence to
attend your grandmother's funeral.n-
Harper'S Bazaar.
"When," asks the Warrensburg mis-
souri) Press, when is the time to trav-
elY" When you hear her fathers foot
on the third step, young man, is about
as good time as any to start, and Won
can prolong the tour to suit your own
convenience and the length of the cid
mans cane. From the innocence with
which you ask the question, we suppose
you didn't travel until he was clear in
to the parlOr. Served you right.-Bur
hngtOn Haaukeye.
Anderson, in his slangy letter to Mrs.
jerks, told her that she could "whistle
for her dingbats," and correspondent
asks us to define "dingbats." The word
Is NOT III the dictionary. At the Meth
odlst school at Wilbraham, Mass, the
name "dlngbat" has always been an
plled to large raised biscuit that is
brought to the table hot and eaten with
butter or mOlasses in the morning. IFS
palatable to the hungry, but is abont
as lndIgestible as brickbat. WHY the
lovely jerks should whistle for them
must remain mystery. ~. 7. Graph-
&c.
A bright little chick at Columbus
Ohio, was accOsted by passer-by with
Sissy, what's your pas name P1 This
was politely answered Chow many
brothers have yOu?" "Four or five -
"How many sistersY "Four or five -
The young mans curiosity being salts
ned he passed on. The mother of the
little four year old (who bad neither
brother nor sister) overheard the CON
versatlon, and calling her in asked her
why she had storied to the man. and
received the following reply: stWeII
mamma, didn't want the gentleman
TO thlnk We were SO poor as to have no
children.n 'T1' r'''e no
~, Little John is visiting his grandfather.
Ihls is an extract from a letter to b;s
mother: "Potater- bugs is plenty an, I
ENJOY 'em very much cause thew males
grantather swear an every time La
biles over he spills his false teeth AN,
he always forgets ware he snilIs ,en, ;an
y.