The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1878-04-27
SATURDAY MORNING, APRIL ~.

the clock. Then she kissed her disconsolate
husband, and begged him to preserve his life
was gone.
Every day, during her three days visit in the
Gate City, she received letter from her mourn
ing husba cd, begging her to come back aud
hlnng her how lonesome he was without ner,
and how like grave the empty house seemed,
and how the hours dragged over his aching
heart with lesden feet. And 10 three days she
came home, and filled the house with sunlight
and laughter again.
The evening after her return to Burlington,
she took down the phonograph.
81 wonder, she said, "what we said last in
its hearing? 1t must have been somthing while
we were discussing my visit. Or may be it has
caught some OF your poor longing meanings
while was away"
Aud then she turned the crank.
mo, croaked the monograph, in tones OF
hearty reinsurance, "no danger of that; she's
safe in Keokuk for three days; saw her safely
off, myself, this morning. Light your cigar
while light another lamp and make the room
look cheerful
"why," exclaimed Mrs. Barstnglow, in a
countenapce Of amazement. "what on earth is
it saying?"
sob. some nonsense some of your visitors
have talked toto it some time or other" replied
her husband, nerv0usy, "people talk all kinds
OF stnh into 2 phonoggraph, you. know They
gave the crank another turn
=, This Is good whiskey, Barstey," calculated
the machine, very earnestly. You don't get
1t IN Burlington, do youY
MRS. BarstlnglOw gave little Shrek
my DEAR said her husband, looking now
quite as worried as he had looked when he was
Logging her not to CO. to Keokuk, "put it away;
somebody has had it out in the stable, and it
i ,nisnt say something perfectly shocking, you
But Mrs. Barstinglow, upon whom the spirit
OF investigation had descended with great
power, ground away, and the phonograph il a
voice maryellously like her husbands went re-
"Not much; they don't make this kind now.
It's some old Monongahela, copper distilled,
that Mrs: Barstinglow's mother gave her for
medicinal purposes three years ago. Fill up..
there's plenty of it, and can replace it with
kny kind OF beverage when it's gone The old
girl won't know the difference"
Mrs. Barstinglow felt herself turning to stone,
but the next turn of the crank brought out
"Ha, hs, ha! Here's to the o. e!'
That famed her cheeks into flame.
For mercy's sake. Malachi Barstinglow,"
she shrieked, what does this mean?"
Mr. Barstinglow now looked as though he
really did wish she had never gone to Keokuk.
ITS just as tell you" he said, with an ef
fort to look uDconcerned that was like a humOr-
pns book, colossal success, so far as its utter
failure was concerned. Somebody has been
talk sake. How else could it get hold of such
dreadful stuff in our dear little home lovey?"
Mrs. Barstinglow didn't say, but she turned
away and the phonograph asked carelessly,
'ThrOw round for the deal?"
She thought she would faint but she didn't,
and the pitiess machine proceeded to remark,
with variety of voices,
"Its my age" you'll have to straddle that
blind if you come in.' "Give me two cards"
-Chp one.',' III see your little one and raise
Ben" "Ain't you going to stay 10, Harry p
Cant stay in on pair of Sizes" 'Call you."
Two small pair, kings to head" "rens and
denoes. Take the pot "Barsty. get us some
didn't she?" eyes; told her was going to
keep pack, at home, to save expenses and keep
out Of bad company" 'Hs, hs, ha! no! no!
"Obw yelled Mr.. Barstinelow, unable to
contain himself any longer, while his wife
more dead than alive leaned over the phono-
graph and ground away at the crank in dazed
klud OF way, lob, keep it up! That's right!
Keep her agong! Grind it all out! Confound
the diabolicsl piece of black art and the vile
assassin that invented it, Keep it up! That's
right! Believe senseless diabolical piece of
monstrons mechanism rather than your hus-
band. Keep her sgoing. Keep it up!'
And Mrs. BarstiDglow did keep it up. She
kept it up and listened to that photograph
swear and shout and howl; she heard it shrek
''Oh, my eye, my eyep' She heard it tell some
one 10 let some one else nave 1t again 10 the
same place." she heard it warn somebody to
''hold his head over the stove hearth and not
let his nose bleed on the carpet" and at last it
assured her very thickly and with some diff
Guilty that it was ga BAN of jorry goof fuf.fuf-
fellows" and that it "won' -hic won gone till
morning" she ground it into silence and sank
back, speechless and breathless, while Mr.
Barstinglow took the photograph out into the
back yard and smashed into SO many and such
small fragments that it couldn't reproduce even
a steamboat whistle.
And now, when people 60 over to the Bar
stinglow's to spend pleasant evening and hap.
pen to say what have you done with the pho-
negraph, Mr., Barstinglow?' it affords the Wis
1tors entertainment for the rest of the evening
to study the different expressions which creep
over the faces of Mr.. and Mrs. Barstinglow,
while Mr.. Barstipglow, as he answers the
question, thinks he would give ten thousand
dollars If he could find out how the members of
the Paragraphers Association tells lies SO east
ly and make them sound so maryellously like
the truth,-Burli,10tOn HnaDkeue