Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-09-12
HNnnr.

Inc IorerunnerS of a plague-A
mosquitoes legs.-NeaC Hauen Register
Song of the cook" Good bye, sweet
tart, good bye. Brad ford Breess.
An ofi-hand matter-Trving to finger
buzz-saw in motion.-Chicqgo Meas.
Young man. in beginning a courtship
be sure You don't write and then 60
ahead.
A young lady has written book call
ed :. My Lovers" It begins, of course,
at Chap. l.
Some people are like green Holsters
they never know when to let go when
YOU shake hands with them.
Nothing makes baldheaded man so
mad as fly that doesn't know when it
has enough Burlington HalGteye.
The cool evenings remind us that the
autumn has pooled its issues and the
summer must go.'-LoueH Courier.
Miss Miranda Gates, the handsome
and accomplished belle of Niagara, is
said to be q great scold. Beautiful
Gates 4 jawor.-Bufalo Ecpress.
One paper says that none of the pro
fesslonal boatmen can pull 4 sunstroke;
and another responds that that depends
upon the scull.
Show us the man who never forgot to
mail letter for his sweetheart and we
will show you a man who always forgot
to mail one for his wife.
No one has been able to explain WHY
it IS that 4 man feels that he is more
likely to get up in time in the morning
by keeping his wa;ch or clock half an
hour fast.
yes" said an Irish. gentleman at
Long Branch, that lady is very disa-
greeable at table IfIlived in thesame
house with her, she would be the only
one in it, [ can tell YOU"
Ella Mccall the actress, committed
suicide because she heard her lover was
a married man. He has since proven
that he is not. Moral: Give a fellow a
chance Camden Post
If you were to offer ten thousand dol
lars for Il sewing machine that didn't
take the first premium ut the Paris
exposition. we don't suppose YOU could
get one.-Nor7ist0we Herald.
Said he: " Matilda you are my dear
est duck" Sud she: Augustus you
are trying to stuff me-" She was too
sage for him.
This is the season OF the year when
the young man sadly picks the bird
shot out of his legs and declares that
water-melons are unhealthy anyhow.
A clothier has excited public curl
oslty by having large apple painted
on his sign. When asked for an ex-
PLANTATION, he replied: of it hadn't
been for an apple, where would the
ready-made clothing stores be to-day?"
When q Bridegroom finds all the clothes
he owns in the world hung one over
the other on a hook behind the pantry
door, he realizes for the first time that
the honeymoon is over.
An intelligent and sensitive journal
imparts this bit of delicate information
to its fourteen millions Of readers: C 1t
is not polite to bite corn from the cob in
the presence Of people who have false
teeth"
A Few Duluth, Mimi, ordinance gives
the awful warming that "a any COW, OF
either sex, hereafter found sporting a
bell or ringing the same within said
limits shall, upon conviction thereof, be
subject to fine or imprisonment, or both
at the discretion Of the court"
A correspondent of the ST. Louis
GJ0be-D6mocrat tells this story: "An
Irishman, upon his arrival in the United
States, noting The great number of mil
ltary titles, exclaimed, What divil of
Il battle has been fought near here,
where all the privates were kilt"
1t was probably q young man from
Middle Haddam who made his first adj
vent to the metropolis by the midnight
train, and who respectfully asked the
night clerk Of the Astor House . if it
would be any trouble, to Mrs. Ast0r to
keep him all night "-HdtjortI I5n1os.
The Boston Transcript doesn't care Il
cent about an Egyptian obelisk Take
Bunker Hill Monument and give one or
two small boys, equipped with chalk,
access to the whole length and breadth
of It's sides, and you Will have u perfect
representation Of the 0belisk that Goth
am is signing for"
1t is safe to affirm as general propO-
SitiOn that tWO-thirds of all the miseries
Of married life-for married life has its
miscrics, though, being divided they
are not so hard to bear as are the mis-
cries ofsingleHcss-are traceabIe direct
ly or indirectly to the inexplicable but
wholly lneradicabIe mania on the part
of women Of all conditions and kinds
for making preserves. - Philadelphia
TInCs.
A brjCSIayer was one day brought to
the Edinburgh mirmary, severely in
jurcd by a fall from a housctop. The
medical man In attendance asked the
sufferer at what time the accident oc-
CURED. " At two o'clock" was the re-
ply. On being asked now he came to
fix the hour so accurately, he answered:
" Because I saw the people at dinner
through Il window as l was coming
down"
A NEVADA newspaper tells how
PiHte squaw shoots: ''She Will throw
herself on her back, clap both feet to
the bow, draw the arrow with both
hands, and, letting drive, send It clean
through the body Of the deer"
Lose BRANCH bellies wear their finger
nails long and pointed.
The ADVANTAGE-The advantages in
buying d. b. DeLand q Co.'S Best
Chemical SaJeyatus are numerous.