West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-02-16
An Irishman in the Telegraph Omcc.

'i' h'N h'NhAllN EtllluH lAt.
An lrishman i'm the Telegraph Onlcc.
An is this Houses telegraph ?" asked
n llibcrnian, the other day, "a he entered
the office IN Boston. ON being informed
IL was, q dialogue ensued, of which the
following is n verbatim report:
Pats Misthcr House in2
Clerk-No. attend TO the business
here
Pat-Och, yc dol Well, can We send
TO me brother Mick, in New York;
Clerk-Ics. Have you your message
written?
Pat-O botherl Divilanced of givin'
Mick a missagc in writ N, Mt all, at all.
Just give him this FIVE dollar bill, sure,
for to help pay the fine the blackguards
put upon him.
Clcrk-But we can't send your money
10y telegraph. Money must go by mail.
Pat-Shure what 'ud ! go buy male
FOR? An isn't il three pecks of illigant
male have in the house already
Clcrk-No. You don't understand.
mean by post.
Pat-Post is it? In a letther? An
yc can send il 10y the telegraph
Clcrk-No. All we can do il, if YOU
have a message we can send that That
*, we can charge the wire with cleo
tricity, and make it write in New York
whatever you wish
Pat-Make it write, it, Well, now,
bedad, that's the thing entirely. Just
make it right with Mick, an here's the
five dollars, avick
Clerk (slightly vexed)-We can do
nothing Of the sortl mean we can
writc-print the words you want TO say
to your brother in New York.
Pat (scratching his head with puzzled
air)-lf ye can do that jest be after dis
coorsin' wild him as soon as ye like!
Clerk-But you must write the mes
sage you wish TO send, upon this bit of
paper.
Clerk Och bad luck to it! ] haven't
the grit O writin' at all, sure
tHere the clerk arranges his papers.
and prepares to write the message for
Pat himself)
Clerk What's your brothers. name ?
Pat Mick.
Clerk And what is his other name?
Pat-Samc as me own. Sure we're
brothersl
Clerk know that But what is he
called
Pat What is he called? o! Well, in
the ovid country they called him
"Shillelah Mick" bekase of the mighty
fine taste he had at swingin' that bit of a
twig and many's the sconcc he cracked
like an ovid taypot, when
Clerk (exasperated) II don't care
what they called him in Ireland. Give
me his other name. 1t is Mick" what?
Pat - Och, botheration, no. Mick
Watt il my cousin, as lives in the County
Kerry, and been dead these FIVE years
heaven rest his sow
Clerk-Confound it! Can't you tell
me your brothers other name. He has
one besides Michael, hasn't be2
Pat o yes! Shure why didn't We
tell me that's what ye wanted before
for faith, az sure's my name is Pat
Finnegan, yc should have been towld
the family name Of my ancestors, be-
corral
Clcrk-Ah Finnegan's the name.
Pat No, jewel-Mick Finnegan
Diyil an Il. Finnegan is there in the
family, savin' Rory. He has listed for
q sOger.
Clerk proceeds 20 write a message 10
Mick, as dictated by Pat--after which
be counts the words in the dispatch, and
says Here are eighteen words. The
first ten will cost you forty cents, and the
others twenty-iOur, making sixty-fOur
cents in all"
Pat-O bother the first tin words!-
shurc Mick'l never miss EN-. Send the
last.
Clerk-We can't do that. You must
pay forty cents at any rate.
pat-SOrra a bit can / do that gbure
ye may tell Mick that the r'ason Of his
Rittin' no missage from me, was OWN 10
the occasion Of the money IL cOst--an'
that U explain the r 'ason Of his not hear
in from me AZ ALL
Exit Pat, anathematIzing the dhirty
wire machine Of a telegraph :" and fol
lowed by not over friendly ejaculation
from the clerk in attendance