Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1878-05-25
ONE ILLUSION LESS.
New York Times

unless he sleeps lying on his personal back,
and that inasmuch as girls always sleep coiiei
up after the custom OF cats, they could not
snOre even if they were willing 70 descend TO
such depth of baseneSs. This explanation is
perfectly worthless. Mr.. Darwin's assertion
as to the position in which girls sleep is a
mere assumption. He has no evidence to sup
port this assumption and in the nature of
things 1t is impossible that he should have any
and he ought to be ashamed of himself. Mr..
Huxley pretends that the prOxihlate cause of
snoring is relaxation of the muscles of the
face. :" The tightneSs with which the female
back hair Is twisted prior to sleeping"-re-
st-"preyents the relaxation of the muscles of
the scalp and face, and hence renders snoring
lmpracticable. This is beautiful provision
OF nature, and shows us that the back hair is
not merely an ornament, but like every other
work OF nature, serves a high and holy pur-
pose" III the Rev. Joseph Cook had read these
remarks, with what joy would he have pro-
eeeded to tear Prof. Huxley's argument to tai
tiers. To say that girls do not SnOre because
their back hair is tightly twisted. is to ignore
the fact that the back hair is always detached
and hung on the back of chair whenever it's
owner prepares for sleep. How, then, can it
exercise any possible influence upon snoring?
Like Mr.. Darwin, Prof. Huxley is very able
man so long as he confines himself to extinct
animals, but when he undertakes to discuss
girls he falls into abysSes of error. Apparent
y. he is perfectly unaware that back hair is
detachable Get thee to nunnery,'' Prof.
Huxley: and lealn the true nature of back
hair before building theories upon ne better
basis than your own ignorance
While learned men have thus vainly sought
10 md why girls do not SnOre, it does not seem
to have occurred to them that perhaps girls do
Sn0re after ali: On what is the universal be
lle1 that snoring is exclusively a masculine
vice based? Obviously upon purely girish tes-
timony. Every girl claims that She does not
snOre. 1t is plainly her interest to make this
claim, and she we'll knows thatnO one can pro-
duce evidence to contradict her. The truth is,
this fancIed freedom of the fair sex from the
lOathSOme and objectionable practice of SnOr-
ing has no substantial foundation, and a re-
cent event has cOnclusyely shown that girls
hapS- be slow to believe so unwecOme an as
sertlOn, but there is at least one young man,
late of Clinton, ILL.,, who knows to his sorrow
that it is true.
This unhappy young man was engaged to
one of the taireSt daughters of Illinois, and
was Entrusted by her parents with the precious
She intended to visit her fathers half-sister
The train in which the young people travelled
started late IN the afternoon, and arrived in
Oshkosh early the next morning. The first
man heaped pea nuts and priZe-packageS, and
Illustrated papers, and fresh figs, and other
railway decacies upon his beioved.and he felt
he could travel on that train for eighteen
months without even once wishing to get out
and stretch his legs. Evening, however ar
rived. and about nine o'clock the young lady,
in low tone and with slight blush, remarked
1hat she must retire" and that perhaps her
lover would like to go into the smoking car for
little while. He was, of course, familiar with
the western dialect, and at once understood
that she wished to go to bed, and that her deli
cacy forbade her to indulge in that recreation
while he was in the car. Accordingly he babe
her good night and departed, after which she
went 70 bed and drew her midnight curtains
An hour later the young man, who also had
Deith IN the sleeping car, entered and was
appalled, to find that some one was snoring
with tremendous violence. He cared little for
his own ears, but was Indignant that the
SlLmbers of his beloved should be disturbed
by this rude and wicked snorer. He soon
nearly all the other passengers. They found
IL impossible to sleep, and the language in
which they expressed their views was forcibe
and sometimes extremely ingenious.
The young man was unwilling to content
himself with mere words, and, resolving that
the object of his affections should know that
ne was watching over her slumbers, announced
up without further delay. Accordingly. he
approached the berth where the wretch was
lying, drew aside the curtain, and, without
trying in the dim light to perceive the snorers
features, shook him violently by the shoulder,
and, in loud voice, told him that he ought to
be ashamed of himself. The mscreant made
sleepy and inarticulate reply, but ceased to
SnOre, and the young man, feeling that he had
accomplished great work, sought his own
berth and composed himself to sleep.
The calm was deceptive. In few minutes
the snoring recommended louder than ever.
Soon general call was made by the paSSen-
gers upon the young man who had already
shown his desire to protect them They
begged him to get up and kill the wretch, to
throw bucket of cold water over him. or at
least to drag him out on the floor. Believing
that his beloved was awake and waiting fOr
his response, he sprang up, determined to
earn her gratitude and the admiration of the
passengers. With great bOldness he caught
hold of the SnOrer's ankles and abruptly
dragged the guilty person out of the berth
This time the snOrer was thoroughly awaken
ed, and, with loud shrek, sprang to her
feet; Before she had time to plunge back into
OF the curtains. the miserable young man had
recognized her as his own hearts idol, and.
she had also recognized him. Over scene so
terrible and heartrending let us draw veil
maniac now in the Chicago Lunaiic asylum is
young man who constantly repeats: "She
SSnOred Great heavens, she snOred!" weep
ing meanwhile large and bitter tears