The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1878-01-24
WIT AND HCMOR.
LILY clause-Santa clause.

A JOLLY clause-Santa clause.
ADRY-DocK-A thirsty physician.
A SPANKING team-A pair of young
mothers.
How TO make catfish-Leave her
alone in a room with an aquarium.
A RARE treat-Asking a fellow about
once in six months to Sc take something. J"
THE cable tells us that 500 cotton
operatives recently struck IN England.
This must be case of cotton batting.
THE difference between model wom-
an and woman model is: one is bare
possibility, and the other is naked
fact.
YorNe man, before setting out to
"court a gtr1," supply yourself plenti-
fully with court plaster. This will make
her stick to you.
IF the short man ever feels overcome
with an intense desire to be tall, it Is
when he finds himself on the outside of
a crowd at dog-ight.
CHATS bit-up-hill for me-" as the
cripple on crlltches said, when he came
to place where the road sloped up
ward at an angle of forty-five.
A LADY doesn't want mud to stain her
dress. And, judging from the way she
carries her handkerchief, she doesn't
want that to stay'n her pocket.
A MAN had a patch put on his coat, the
other day, and then went and had the
garment rebound. He said he had 1t
"bound over to keep the piece"
AFTER forty or fifty men had
clamored for a lower center berth, -
lady in the ticket-office suggested to the
agent that he give them all a center
berth. He center away.
A YANKEE has invented a milking ma
chine that can be carried in O. pocket
book. Now if he were to invent q mich
COW that could be carried in the coat
tail pocket. his machir 3s would sell more
rapidly.
AND now comes fellow who wants to
know how they found the " stone man
of Colorado" Sakes alive! We sup
posed everybody knew how they found
him. They found him g. stone dead, "
of coursei
DocToRs don't believe in advertising
it's not professional, you know-but let
one of 'em tie up sore thumb for John
Brown, and they'll climb seven pairs of
stairs to have reporter 'just mention
it, you know"
"LET me see," remarked the guest,
as, sachel in hand, he approached the
clerk of the hotel, 'the stage doesn't go
for some time yet, I believe. Am
right ?" "No, sir, you're left. Stage
went before you were up" replied the
clerk
AT a Sundays school, a teacher asked
a little boy if he knew what the express
sion "soWing tares" meant. Courth
[ do said he, pulling a part of his
trowsers around in front; there is
tare my ma sewed up; I tared it slid
ing down hill.
CONVERSATION between an inquiring
stranger and steamboat pilot That
is Black mountain % eyes, sir, highest
mountain above Lake George" "Any
legend or story connected with that
mountain ?" "Lots of 'em. Two low
ers went up that mountain once and new
er came back again Indeed Why,
what became of them? "Went down
on the other side -
AN Aberdeen man was telling his
symptoms appeared to himself
of course dreadful-to Scotch medical
friend, who at each new item OF disorder
exclaimed, "Charming! Delightful
Pray go on l'' And when he had fin
ished the doctor said, with the utmost
pleasure ''Do you know, my dear sir,
you have got complaint which has
been for some time supposed to be ex-
tinct? L am so glad y
WHEN Washington was carving his
way into the hearts of his countrymen,
do You suppose he ever leaned upon his
sword to ponder that the day would come
when his portrait would look down be-
nignautlv from.over bar upon two red
Hosed snoozers putting away bad whisky,
and iamming their noses into each other s
eyes as they discussed, in mangled En-
elish, the boons and blessings of free
dom Cincinnati Breakfast Table.