, 1878-05-22
MaIaprOpOs.

two respects lately. I took young
lady unknown down to dinner, and
talked to her about the Bishop of Dur
hams nepotism in the matter of Mr..
Cheese. / found she was Mrs. Cheese.
And / expatiated to the member for
Marylebone. Lord Fermoy- generally
conceiving him to be an Irish member
on the contemplate character Of the
Marylebone representatives"
Two such mishaps in one evening
were enough to reduce the most brilliant
talker to the condition of the three sin
sides" of the London bound coach, who
beguiled the tedium of the journey from
southampton by discussing the de-
merits of William c. .bbett, until one of
the party went so far as to assert that
the object of their denunciations was u
domestic tyrant, given to beating his
wife when, much to his dismay, the
solitary lady passenger, who had hitherto
been silent listener, remarked "Par-
don me, sir; kinder husband and father
never breathed and l ought to know,
for am William Cobbett's wife "
Mr.. Giles, of Virginia, and Judge
Duval, of Maryland, members of Con-
gress during Washington's administra-
tion, boarded at the house of a Mrs.
Gibbon, whose daughters were well on
in years, and remarkable for talkative-
ness. When Jefferson became President,
Duval was comptroller of the Treasury,
and Giles Senator Meeting one day
in Washington, they fell to chatting
over old times, and the Senator asked
the Comptroller if he knew what had
become of shat cackling old maid, Jen-
ny Gibbon."
"She is Mrs. Duval, sir" WAS the un-
expected reply.
Giles did not attempt to mend matters
as certain Mr. Tuberrille unwisely
did. This unhappy blunderer resembled
the Irish gentleman who complained
that he could not open his mouth with
out putting his foot in it. Happening
to observe to fellow-guest at Dunraven
Castle that the lady who had sat at his
right hand at dinner was the ugliest
woman he had ever beheld, the person
addressed expressed his regret that he
should think his wife so ill-looking,
II have made mistake" said the
Mortified Tuberville gentleman 81
meant the lady who sat on my left"
swell, sir, she is my sister" was the
response to the well-intended fib, bring
ing from the desperate connoisseur of
beauty the frank 'avowal;
at can't be helped, sir, then; for, if
what you say be true, I confess / never
saw such an ugly family in my life
An honest expression of opinion, per-
haps not SO easily forgiven by the indi-
vidual concerned, was that wruns from
Mark Twain, who, standing before o
young lady in Partisan public garden,
cried out to his friend:
dan, just look at this girl; how
beautiful she is" to be rebuked by
''this girl" saying, in excellent English
81 thank you more for the evident sim
cerity of the compliment, sir, than for
the extraordinary publicity you have
given it p
Mark took walk, and did not feel
Just comfortable for some time afterward.
One of the humorist's countrymen
made much more serious blunder. He
was married man. Going into the
kitchen one day, pair of soft hands
were thrown over his eyes, kiss was
imprinted on his cheek. He returned
it with interest, and as he gently olsen
gagged the hands of his fair assailan-
asked
"Mary, darling, where is the mis-
tress y and found his answer in the
indignant wife's face.
"Mary, darling" had gone out for the
day, and the lady of the house intended
by her afiectionate greeting to give her
lord a pleasant surprise; whether he
thought it pleasant one he never di-
vulged, but that kitchen knew Mary no
more.
After doing his office for young
couple, a clergyman was inveigled into
proposing the health of the bride and
bridegroom, at the wedding breakfast
He wound up neat little speech by ex-
pressing the hope that the result Of the
union of the happy pair might prove
strictly analogous to that of the brides
honored parents. The groom looked
angry, the bride went into Mysteries, the
bridesmaids blushed and became inter.
ested in the pattern of the carpet, the
master Of the house blew his nose with