The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1878-12-02
TERMS $500 PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE

Once in while you will hear some man who
couldn't tell friction primer from q colum-
oiad If the salvation of his soul depended on 1t,
and never saw mora than forty militia at one
time In all his life. speak scornfully of Gen
Grant as IAN accident Of war'-Burlington
Hawkeye.
room will hold nearly twice as many peo-
pie when the light is dim as when it is bright;
at least we have noticed that when the gas Is
low in the parlor, young man and a young
woman can both sit in the same space which
either one of them took up when the full head
was on.-Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
William Ingram, editor of the London Illus
trated News, has just paid S65OO for painting
by Millais. We used to squander our money
In that way, too, but we soon saw the folly of It,
There is no excuse for an editor paying s65O0
for painting In these days Of high art, when
the religious ueeklies send out chromos that
"vou rant tell from oil paintings. Norris
town Herald
"What," said young lady to q sister COM
paniop, you ars not going to marry that tall,
lean, slender, consumptive-stricke fellow, are
you?' "Yes, she is." volunteered the young
lady 3 little brother, looking up from his broken
cart wheel; "she's going to marry him and use
him for carpet-stretcher" The boy and cart
wheel passed ous through the same door,
"The sneak-thief came down like a wolf on the
fold,
While the folks in the basement were dining,
And took from the rack a coat scarce three days
old,
Quite resplendent with fine satin lniDg"-
Utterly ignoring the one left over from last
year which Mr. Smiley had brought down, IN
tending to sell it for two dollars to the first old
clothes man that CHANGED around.-Pack.
"What," the young man asked the young
woman who was waiting for him to ask for his
bat, "what do put you in mind off" "A
French clock" she said softly. And pretty
soon he arose and went on his way. The next
morning he called upon an eminent horologist
and asked him what was the distinguishing
trait of French clock. The horolosist said,
"Why, it never goes" And the young man
was sorely cast down, and he graved, and told
no man OF his hurt.-Barlingtoa Hawkeye.
The mother had talked so much about the
whoopiHs-cough, and worried so over IT,, that
the child was afraid to leave her side. One
night, after the little fellow had been put to
bed and to sleep. jsckass was driven past the
house, and when just opposite set up his he
haw, he-haw, he-haw. With q shrek the little
fellow was out of bsd, screaming at the top of
his voice, "The whooping-cough is coming,
mamma; the whoopiDg-cOugh IL coming" he
didn't catch 1t that tme.-Cincinnati CONNER
cial
Rosbif and Godam were regarded by French
men early in the century as the roots of the
English language, but at present Parisian
French has given way at 30 many points before
the invasion of English words that it has be-
come curiously composite tongue. Shocking
USUALLY spelled without the "o"), break, sport,
high life, and SO on, are rapidly becoming quail
flied for place in the Academy's dictionary.
A fuli-page advertisement In La Vie Parisienne
is iscrammed with such words and sentences as
Tommy typs over" 'coquetish kate" mice
frocb," rush." Gun Chesterfield overcoat en-
Seeland cloth, ct quelques pantaloons en- cream
homespuD, c'est-a-1ire of the most graceful
drapery in the world, rs Mac-aulay said !" Gun
body en- corded velvet" "le tightfttipg," "le
thickmake,' and "un manteau q manches lib
res lieht drab colour, garmture Sealsskin."
IN. Y. World.