The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-09-21

by her bereavcd lovers. There is poetry in tn
idea.
81 will, Mr.. Speaker, sit down by saying
said British NJ P. a few nights ago, after an
other had said, "This was the one spark that lie
loose the dogs of war"
Jim Blaine had little pup,
For short they called him "Eu,"
And at the time Jim Blaine went up
Eugene he went up too.
Gone to meet Sirius.-N Y. Word.
A leopardess in a circus at Davenport, Iowa
gave birth last week to cub that was prett
enough to eat, and ate she it ere it had arrived a
the early age Of five minutes.
We shall know all about the cusscdncss o
greenbacksm in Maine when Gail Hamilton
comes to do the subject justice
Miss Tanner, who recently marricda widow
er named Hyde, with eleven children, says sh'
has given up tanning and is now dressing IIydes
A man in Detroit has recently invented IN APP
paratus for arrestlng and eXtinguishing sparks
Are the girls going to stand thaty
at Dion, France, at the late popular festival
there was upon the programme "a donkey race
by gentlemen Of the city"
Isn't it about time for Blaine to have another
sunstroke?
The funeral services Of San Franciscan wcr,
delayed by the hardness OF the clergyman
"While we are waiting" said one of the mourn
crs, "our friend, Mr.. Wetcr, will oblige with d
recitation" Mr.. Wcltcr obliged, rcciting 9Th,
Raven"
We are glad to learn, even at this late day, that
Thomas Jefferson would turn aside rather than
step on bumblcbec. He was barcfooted when
he felt that way, Of course
''rhere are men," says Mr.. Talmage, ''who
sing like angels on Sunday and lie like sin on
Monday" Newspaper men never sing like an.
gels, and if Mr. Talmagc alluded TO lawyers why
didn't he come out like man and say so =
Grdphc.
Breach Of promise letters are sometimes won.
derfu From such IL missivc, produced in cvi.
dencc recently, the following sentence is extract
ed: Dearest love-I swallowed the postage.
stamp on your letter, because | knew your lips
had touched it,"
Ottawa, Kan, Rcpublicdn: "a farmer in Iowa
saw the letters 'P. o. in the Clouds and, drop.
ping his pillow, he spent $50 boarding in Wash.
ington, and boring his congressman for n post.
Office. Somebody finally told him that the caba.
listic letters meant pillow on and he went
back"
New Jersey has us stringent Sunday laws
as Connecticut. A drunken man in Paterson lay
down by this roadside on Sunday and went to
sleep. While in this position Jersey mosquito
alightcd on him, and a Jersey policeman coming
along arrested the mosquito for opening bar on
Sunday"
dreamy writer says II would be curious to
follow pound of silk from its spinning until it
becomes lady's dress dress. No doubt; hut
most men prefer to follow after il becomes n
dress. San Francisco Chronicle.
n Y. Heroid: 1t is said of the chief OF the Chi.
ncsc embassy when he was asked how the Chi.
nesc in America would get back to China, he re.
Piled "rhey will go to Ireland that is the only
country that the Irish do not rule"
Webster of the La Sale Press, writes Il column
excoriating the current newspaper wit, and then
perpetrates the following himself.
An intelligent voter Of the city of Ottawa re.
fuses TO read all newspapers containing accounts
from the yellow fever-stricken districts of the
South. through fear Of infection by the telegraph.
ic dispatches. Cautious, ch?
II that is the kind Of wit he means we heartily
agree with him that 1t is sorry stuff indeed
The Hoopestown Chronicle republican, says:
"Thc Greenbackcrs find good deal Of comfort
in the result of the Maine election; the Demo
Gratis also find an immense amount OF comfort in
the same result. We Republicans have search
ed the larder thoroughly but can't find a damn
crumb"
1t is said that Lord Salisbury, who was garter
cd by the Queen on his return from Berlin, wears
his garter on his left breast. We suppose II he
were given Il corset he would have it stretched
so as to make an umbrella Of it. Men had bet
ter stick to their legitimate costume.
A Kentucky exchange gives an account Of a
wedding in Harrison county, in that state, at
which the bride danced several charming reels
within circle Of three feet in diameter. She
changed shoes once ON account of her new ones
not sounding right against the floor. The
prompter gave the very unique commands dur
ing the dance, Rock TO the right rock TO the
left, grind the coffee, wiring the dsh-rag rock
the cradle" &c. AT the wind-up Of the dance
the bride showed her agility by kicking the
groom's hat off his head.
A man In dilapdated clothes spoke as fol.
lows to a San Francisco Neicslett.r reporter,
at the recent mechanics fair: "You see
that case Of elegant silk-embrodered drawers
down there; well, tother day they had rattle,
and won pair Of s3S drawers, white cloth
worked with pink rosebuds. I've got 'em on now.
take in the grand promenade. but these people
look with disgust at this internally OFF coat and