Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-05-09
MANK TWAIN:
Humorous Speech SIT the Bnyard Tay.
Icr Dinner I'm New York.
New York Trib,,ne


az -, in New York:
III MIR. CHAIRMAN: had intended to m;
,r an address Of some length here to-nig
ana in iiln wrote out an impromptu spec
laughter. but have had no time to me
orize it. | cannot make speech on
:, moment: and therefore being unpreps,
n am silent and undonc. How ever, | "
say this much for the speech had writ
, out-that it was a very good one, anC
- gave it away. as | had 20 further use I
q 1t, and saw that / could not deliver
Therefore will ask the indulgence of t
y company here to let ne retire witho
speaking. will make my complimen
. to our honored friend, but | will NAL
= them on board ship, where ] shall be a fl
. low-passenger.
Here follows the speech which Mr. CT
mems wrote ont.
have been warned-as no doubt have a
among you that are inexperienced-tha
!. dinner to our ambassador is an occ,sio
that demands, and even requires, pec.,lia
caution and deicacy ia the handling of tn
dangerous weapon of speech. | have pee
warned to avoid al mention Ofinternation:
politics, and all criticisms, however mili
OF countries with which we are ct peace
lest such utterances emb:rass our ministe
and our government in their dealings wit
foreign states. La !: word, | have beer
cautioned to talk, but be careful not to sa,
| Ioy, ] Il Of c;l 81, 4:
task.
Now, it has often occurred to me tina
the conditions under which We live at til,
present day. with the revelations of gcolo
gy all about us, viewing upon the on,
hand the majestic coniigurations of The
siltrian, oolit:c, old red sandstone periods
and, upon the other. tie affiliations and
stIatiications and ralnifications Of the pre-
historic, poStpiiocene, ante penult;mats
epochs, we are stricken dumb with amazed
surprise, and can only lift up our hands
and say with that wise but odous French.
man: ut was a slip of the tongue, sir,
and wholly unintentional-entire unin-
tentional." Ii would i'll become me. upon
an occasion Ike this, purposely to speak
slightingly OF Il citizen Of cotlntrI-Mith
-Alllia..a= AyE are ct ncana--f- A.Ad------:-n-
great anu 6. SS.acious France, whom God pre-
serve. The subject. however, is a delicate
one. aud will not pursue it.
But | YVES about to rcmark-cast your
eye abroad, sir, for one pregnant moment
over the mighty domain of intellectual
progression and contemplate the awc-com-
pelling theory of the descent of man
Development, sir! Development! Natu-
raj selection! Correlation of the sexes
Spontaneous combustion what gulfs and
wliirlwinds of intellectual stimulus these
magic words fling upon the burning can
vas of the material universe of the soul I.
Across the clasm of the ages we take the
oyster by the hand and call him brother;
and back, and still further back, We go, and
breathe the germ We cannot see. and know
in him our truer Adam! And. as we stand
dazed, transfixed, exalted, and gaze down
the long procession OF life, marking how
steadily, how symmctrically we have as
cended. step by step, to our sublime estate
and dignity Of humanity-out Of one low
ly form into little higher and a little
higher form-adding grace after grace, and
function after function, with each and
every change-dcveloping from tadpoles
into frogs, frogs into fishes, tishe. into
birds, birds into reptiles, reptiles into Rus
sians-I beg u million pardons. sir, and
gentlemen-it was Il wholly innocent slip
OF the tongue, and due only to the excite
ment of detate-tor, far be it from me,
upon such an occasion as this, to cast
seeming sllr upon great nation with
whom we are at pcace-a great and noble
Christian natiOn-whOm God expand!
But, rs l was about to remark, main-
tain, and nothing can drive me from that
position-that the contributions of the
nineteenth century to science and the in
1lstrial arts arc-are-but, Of course, they
are. There is no need to dwell upon that
You look at it yourself Look at steam
Look at the steamboat! look at the rail-
way look at the steamship! Look at the
which enables you to fash your
thoughts from world to world, ignoring
seas. Look at the telephone.
which enables you to speak into atliction's
ear the word that cheers, and into the ear
0f tile foe the opinion which you ought
not to risk at shorter range. Look at the
sewing-macline, look at the fog-lorn,
oOk at the bcil-punch, look at tie book
lgent. And, more than all a thousand
lines, look at the last and greatest, the
lerophone, which will enable Moody and
sankey to stand on the tallest summit of
he Rocky Mountains and deliver their
message to listening America and neces-
'arily it will annal and do away with the
'ernicious custom Of taking up collec-
ion. Look at all these, sir. and say if it is
lot far prouder and more precious boon
o have been born in the nineteenth centE-
y than in any century that went before it.
Ah, sir. clothed with the all-sufiicient grand
ur of citizenship in the nineteenth CEN
ury, even the wild and AVID New Jersy-
nan might-a mistake, sir, a mistake, and |
ntirely unintentional. OF all the king
oms, principalities and countries with !
which it il. our privilege to hold peaceful
l regard New Jersey as nearest
0 our admiration, nearest to our heart, the I
'isest ahd the purest among the nations.
retire the undiplomatic language, and beg
our sympathy and indulgence.
But, as was about to remark, it has al
'ays seemed to me-that is, of course,
nce reached a reasoning age-that this
luch-agitated question of future rewards
nd punishments was one upon which hon.
st and sincere differences of opinion
light exist; one individual, with more or
SIS justice, leaning to tie radical side of
whilst another individual, with appar-
atly equal justice, but with infinitely
lore common sense, more intelligence.
lore justification. leans to bitter and re-
'orseless detestation of the pitiless prince /
perJlitiOn-a sin of the tonv,,e fo