Smyrna times., 1878-09-04
WHOLE NO. 1918.
Chowder.


Favorite word with women-the last one.
A Irritation is like plate powder, because
1t brlghtens sp spoons.
A novelty among underwear for gentle
men is the filet shirt.
Business men speak hopefully, and say
that trade Is becoming active.
1t is absurd to attempt to borrow money
on the plea OF extreme poverty.
Judging Of peoples piety solely by their
attendance at church is among the absur
dities of the day.
preacher gave as an excuse for ram
bling in his sermons, that scattering shots
would hit most heads.
"a bachelor" says Snodgrass, ais man
who has lost the opportunity of making
woman miserable"
The compositor who made it read ain
the midst of our life we are in debt" wasn't
so much out of the way.
A facetious gourmand said he had eaten
so much beef during the past six months,
he was ashamed to look bullock in the
face.
81 rise, sir, for information" said an off
cial in a Western legislature. am glad
to hear it," said wag, "for no one needs
it more than you do"
A young lady has compiled list of her
| gentlemen acquaintances, and entered their
names in handsome album. She play
| fully calls it her " "him-book."
| An Arkansas constable's pistol being
stolen, he advertised that if the thief
would return it, he would give him the
contents, and no questions asked.
A book was recently published entitled,
" Lectures to Married Men," 1t did not
sell, as there was no demand for it, the
present supply being ample.
Snodgrass disputes the popular idea that
porter taken in large quantities make a
man fat, for he says he has "seen it make
a man lean against lamp-post."
A poor fellow got his skull fractured,
and was told by the doctor that the brain
was visible. lie replied "Write and tell
my father, for he always swore l had
none."
1t was about this time of the year when
the little boy expressed the wish that he
was built like hen-coop, out of laths, so
that the breeze could blow right through
him.
What is the name of your cat, my boyr
inquired visitor. His name was Will
> liam," said the boy, "until he had fits, and
since then we have called him Fitz Will
liam."
A widow, referring to the pompous pro.
cession at her husbands funeral, exclaim-
ed, ooh, how happy my husband would
) have been to see this, for he was SO fond of
ceremonies.
! DR.. johnson once dined with Scotch
lady who had hatch patch for dinner. She
asked him if it was good. "Good for hogs"
c said he, "Then," said she, let me help
t you to some more"
"Five years ago." said speculator, "I
was not worth penny i'll the world. Now
tions." "Well, where are you?" said
/, friend. "Why $4,000 in debt"
Have you ever seen me with more than
IS 1 could carry?' asked a moderate drinker
g of friend. "No, but l have seen you
= when 1 have thought you had better have
> gone t,ctcc after IL" was the reply.
of A young couple were returning from the
l. theatre, where they had seen a love seen
ct acted. " l could do better than that my.
y SELF" the young man remarked. "Why
1t in heavens name don't you then 2" she
,F replied.
/. A lady entering horse-car observed an
ic elderly gentleman rise. She said to him /:
to Don't rise, l beg of you, l much prefer
&c you should keep your seat, sir" /" should
ID be very happy to accommodate you, madam,
is but | want to get out here
Is A bashful young man escorted an equally
a. bashful young lady. AS they approached
N the dwelling of the damsel, she said en-
treatingly, "Zekill, don't tell anybody you
tv beau'd me home" "Sary," said he, en-
ID phatically, " don't you mind l am as much
ashamed of it as your are"
~ gentleman lent five dollars to man,
Id and was surprised to find that he punctually
h, paid him, for he had no faith in him. The
N man afterwards asked to borrow a larger
tie sum. "No," said the other, "you have
Sr Sr deceived me once, and l am resolved you
n shan't do it a second time"
A member of fashionable congregation
ii in New York lately called at music store
and inquired for the music of piece called
tie the "Song of Solomon" which his pastor
H. referred to the Sabbath previous as an ex
ey quisite gem, and the inquirer'S wife wanted
:" "a to learn to play it.
all How some women change their minds
ar respecting their husbands Mrs. Jinks
N was forever telling her husband he wasn't
worth the salt in his bread. But when the
he poor man got killed in a railway smash-up
M the fond widow sued the company for five
on thousand dollars damages.
He Three little boys on a recent Sabbath
le. were stopped on the street in Boston by ar
to elderly gentleman, who, perceiving thai
ly they had bats and ball with them, asked
by one of the number this question Boy, car
you tell me where all naughty boys go tc
ief who play ball upon Sunday" "Ovel
back of Johnson's dam," the youngster re
an piled.
Twas sitting beside my destined bride,
100 One still sentimental day;
"How long" said 1. 81 but to make you cry
,a And I'd kiss the bright tears away"
be Fair Cecily blushed, her voice grew hushd,
though she would cry to be sure.
of But she lisped to me, pouting prettily,
ere Prevention is better than cure"
he "Have you card, sir ?'' asked the door
ru' keeper of the house. The man looked g
nn Ie little surprised, and answered: "Card
"0 No, l don't carry pack" "Where are
eor you from2" inquired the doorkeeper
Of "Nothe Carlny," was the reply. "What
,d do you do down in North Carolina wher
mt you go a visitingH Don't you send in {
| oapI 40 fh, man Won want tn Saa 9N 'rha