San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1878-12-14
WIT XxD wYsDOaE.~

funs f,rta ---7
CAPTAIN MAYNE REID. who used to
write such exciting stories for boys, is
raising sheep in England.
WHEELING woman is 10 Aesly that
she can't lean up against anything
Wheeling Sunddy Leader. '
JOAQUIN MILLER has had his hair cut,
and he's going to advertise for sealed
proposals for excavating the dirt from
his finger nails.-HarUord' Times.
The name of a New Hampshire school
teacher is May l, Cough. It's much
more natural to hear school teachers I'D
dressed Us MAY I. Gwout?"
A DISAPPOINTED young man says the
Saverage. shoemaker can frame more ex-
cuses in fifteen minutes than picture
dealer could supply. frames. for in two
weeks. ,luo aa II ilHH1f
"LovE is blind" and that's the reason
why itacan, get, along with one small
hand-lamp, turned down rs low as it will
go, as well us under blazing chandelier
of fifty burners. % '''d N' N7i'
'FfHNsI. ! -. t.V
The longest nights in Norway last
three months, and when a, young man
goes to see his girl, her mother, before
retiring, tells her not to ruin her health
by sitting up more than two months.
"A suBsokiBEn wrote to journal to
make somo, inquiries about the next
worlds fair, wherempon the wicked edi-
tor replied that he was under the i'm
preston that d the next world wouldn't
have any .fairuiI,sgp irouos,q ,dy
! The sermon ofIthe best preacher in
the world will not make Us much impress
sion upon q congregation as the sudden
pattering Of rain on the window panes
Of a chnrch containing two hundred
Spring bonnets. Sidm5 dl I,
MIR. HENNoN teaches a district school
in Missouri, and his sensitive nerves are
shocked every time he approaches
group Of his scholars to hear them sibi-
late, Keep still boys; thar's Hennon."
-Keohstk Constitution. '-- '''
MIsTREss- Come, Bridget, how much
longer are you going to be filing that
pepper-box? Bridget+nShure, ma'am,
and it's meself can't say how long it'll be
takin' me to, get all this stuff in the thing
through the little holes in the top.
WITH a few notable exceptions, the
large advertisers of four years ago are
large advertisers to-day. Amid the bust
ness wrecks of the past four years, those
who understood the value, of printers
ink have safely withstood the storm.
One Of the greatest needs of this coun-
try is vest pocket deep enough to take
in the full length of an extra Cigar, SO a
man can look his fellow square in the
eye and say, i"No, I'm sorry, but this is
the last, and | have already hadit in my
mouth" IN.
drunk by thunder" exclaimed n
gentleman on seeing an intoxicated in
divilual pass. The latter heard the re-
mark, stopped and said cash mistake.
I'm drunk by lightning; forty-hic-
rod. ;" The corn was Immediately ac-
knowledGed by both sides. i,
SOME man with an eagernessifor fame
has invented a spfing-seat saddle that
will rock man to sleep on the hardest
going animal. What this country needs
is some kind of saddle tint will hold
man down on the roof of horse when
suddenly and without warning he points
at the sky with his tail.
| A, CLERGYMAN. in speaking of one of
his parishioners who was SC. given to ar
guments that it was difficult to converse
with him OH any subject, said: Brother
James is so argunientative that he will
dispute with a guide-post about the dis
lance to the next town, and argue with
n tombstone as to the truth of its
epitaph."
DURING the reign of Queen Anne in
England the mania for broad toed shoes
ran to such pitch that the government
felt called upon to take the matter in
hand and prohibit. by special statute,
the wearing of shoes with toes over six
inches wide. 1t is presumed this leg
islation was instigated by book agents,
AT jamaica, L. l., the other day, a
man shot quail in violation of the
game law. His neighbors threatened
to inform the authorities, but he got
the start of them by going before mag
istrate and lodging information against
himself. He was fined $40, which he
paid. He then demanded half the fine
for giving the information, and s. was
returned to him. e.. ~ .ridi
IT is said that if electrical wires are
wrapped around common. tin can, q
telephone is produced capable of mus
ical sounds through many miles of wire
We cannot vouch for the truth of this,
but we know that if a common tin can
is wrapped around n dogs tail with q