The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-02-09
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The Romance of a Sleeping Car.

1t was in the Cedar Rapids sleeper. Outside,
it was dark as the inside of an ink bottle. In
the sleeping car people slept.
Or tried it.
Some of them slept, like Christian men and
women. Peacefully and sweetly and quietly.
Others slept like demons Indignantly, hid
eously, fendishly, as though it was their mission
to keep everybody else awake.
OF these, the man in lower number three was
the "boss." When it came to a square snore
with variations, you wanted to count slower
three . in. With a full hand and a pocket full
of rocks.
We never heard anything snore like him. 1t
was the most systematic snoring that was ever
done, even on one of those tournaments OF snorv
ing, Il sleeping car. He didn't begin as soon as
the lamps were turned down and everybody was
in bed. Oh no. There was more cold blooded
diabolism in his system than that. He waited
until everybody had had a little taste of sleep.
just to see how good and pleasant it was, and
then he broke in on their slumbers like a winged,
breathing demon, and they never knew what
peace was again that night.
He started out with a terrific.
"Gn-r-r-r-t !"
That opened every eye in the car. We all
hoped it was an accident, however, and trusting
that he wouldn't do it again, We all forgave him.
Then he blasted our hopes and curdled the sweet
SERENITY of our forgiveness by a long drawn
"Gw-a-h-h-h-hah!'
That sounded too much like business to be
accidental. Then every head in that sleepless
sleeper was held off the pillow for a minute,
waiting, in breathless suspense, to hear the
worst, and the sleeper in 81 lower three went
on il long drawn, regular cadences that indicated
good staying qualities.
Q "Gwa-a-ah! Gwa-a-a-h Gahwahwah. Cab
wahwah Gahwa-a-a-ah! !"
Evidently it was going to last all night, and
the weary heads dropped back on the sleepless
pillows and the swearing began. 1t mumbled
along in low. mutterIDU tones. like the distant
echoes of q prOtane thunder storm. Pretty soon
50 lower three - gave us a little variation. He
shot off u spiteful
"Gwook -"
Which sounded as though his nose had got
mad at him and was going to strike. Then there
was a pause and we began to hope he had either
awakened from sleep or strangled to death, no.
body cared particularly which. But he dis
appointed everybody with a cultural
"Gurooch ~
Then he paused again for breath, and when he
had accumulated enough for his purposes he
resumed with Il stentorious
"Kowpf!"
That nearly shot the roof off the car. Then
he went on playing such fantastic tricks with his
nose and breathing things that would make the
immortal gods weep, if they did but hear him.
1t seemed a matter incredible, it seemed an utter,
preposterous impossibility that any human being
could make the monstrous, hideOus noises with
it's breathing machine that the fellow in 81 lower
three " was making with his. He ran through
all the ranges of the nasal gamut, he went up
and down Il very chromatlc scale of snores, he
ran through intricate and fearful variations until
it seemed that his nose must be out of joint in a
thousand places. All the night and all night
through be told his story.
"GawOh; gurrrh (! gu-r-r-r! Kowpff!! Cav
awwah gawah-hah! gwocki gwarrrt! gwah-
h-h-h whoofi'
Just as the other passengers had consulted
together how they might slay him, morning
dawned, 50 lower number three - awoke. Every
body watched the curtains to see what manner of
man it was that had made that beautiful sleep
ing-car Il pandemonium. Presently the toilet
was completed, the curtains parted, and " lower
number three " stood revealed.
Great heavens
1t was a fair young girl, with golden hair and
timid, pleading eyes, like a hunted fawn's!