The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1878-03-27

come OF rustic ignorance and sim
plicity.
There is no cooler man than your
simple fellow.
While General Thomas was in
| specting the fortifcasions of Chat
tanooga with General Garfield. they
heard some one shou: 'Halloo
master You 1 want to speak to
to you'll" General Thomas an turn
ing. found he was the master SO
politely hailed by an East TeDnesse
soldier.
"Well, my man. said he, "what
do you want with meP'
Il want to get a furlOugh. mis-.
ter, that's what want" was the re-
ply.
"Why do you want furlough my
man?' inquired the general.
"Wall, [ want to go home and see
my wife,"
'.HOw long is it since you saw
her?"
Ever since I enlisted, nigh en- to
three months"
"Three months p exclaimed the
commander. why. my good fell
low, | have not seen my wife for
three years T.
The Tennessean looked incredu.
Ioars and drawled out: wall you
see, me and my wife amt that sort p
The Postmaster General of the
United States one received an odd
official communication tue Raeborn
postmaster. new to his duties. writ.
ing to his Superior officer: See
ing by the regulations that 1 am
required to send you letter of ad-
vice. must plead in excuse that l
have been postmaster but a short
time; but will say if your office
pays no better than mine, 1 advise
you to give it up" To this day
that Postmaster General has not de-
cided whether his subordinate was
an ignoramus or was quietly poking
fun at him.
Spite of the old axiom about self
praise, many are of opiaion that the
world is apt to take man at his own
valuation. IF that be true, there is
a church dignitary in embryo some
where in the young deacon, whose
examining bishop felt it requisite to
send for the clergyman recommend
ing him for ordination. in order to
tell him to keep that young man in
check, adding by way of explana-
tien: Il had the greatest difficulty
sir, to prevent him examining nae !''
This not to be abashed candidate
for clerical honors promises TO be as
worthy of the cloth as the American
minister who treated his congrega-
tion to one of Mr.. Beecher's ser
mons, unaware the popular Brock
lyn preacher made one ef his hear
ers. Accosting him after service,
MIR. Beecher said: That was a fair
discourse how long did it take you
to write it?''
"Oh, / tossed it off one evening""
was the reply.
"Indeed!" said Mr.. Beecher.
"Well, it took me much longer than
that to think out the frame work of
that sermon"
"Are you Henry Ward Beecher?"
asked the sermon stealer.
Il am" said that gentleman.
We'll, them" said the other, not
in the least disconnected. call have
to say is that l amt ashamed to
preach one of your sermons any
where"
I'VE do not know if Coleman in.
vented the phrase AS cool as Gu
but he makes the Irishman
in the 'Heir-at-Law' say These two
must be rich man that won't lend,
and borrower; for one is tretting
about in great distress, aud t'other
stands as cool as cucumber OF
the two, the latter was more likely
to have been intending raid on an
other mans purse, for the men
whose very trade is borrowing are
usually. We might say necessarily,
the coolest of the cool; like 8ubb
DoddingtOn's impecunions acquain-
tance, who. rushed across Bond
street, greeted Doddington with:
I'm delighted to see you, for | am
wonderfully in want of guinea
Taking out his purse. Bubb show
ed that il held but half a guinea.
ga thousan thanks !" cried his tor
mentor, deftly seizing the coin;
''that will do very well for the pre-
sent;' and then changed the conver-
sation. But as he turned TO take !
leave, he inquired: by the by,
when will you pay me that half
gninea?"
PAY you? What do you meanf'
excla med Doddington.
..Mean? Why. intended to bor-
row a guinea of you. have only |
half; but I'm not in a hurry for