Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-01-04
f U N :

OF ll:45, and FOUND Tue room uullgHCeu
and his daughter and dear friend occu-
pying tete a-tete in the corner by the
window sEvangeline,' the old man
said, sternly, s'this is scandalous,'' eyes,
papa she answered, sweetly, sit is can
dleess because times are so hard and
lights cost so much, that Ferdinand and
said we should try and get along with the
starlight.'' And papa turned about in
speeches. amazement, and tried to walk
out of the room through panel in the
wallpaper.
The death of fashion correspondent is
reported from Grand Rapids, Mich. She
tackled stray copy of Euclid, under the
Impression that it was sewing machine
company's book of dress patterns. She
struck proposition five in spherical trigo-
nometry, and gazed on it once and said,
81 know what fchu basting on purple
polonaise is, and I have met with barege
cretonnes cut bias, but when 1t come, to
making dresses for humpbacked women,
and trimming them with isosceles and per-
pendiculars at right angles to the plane
fitted to solve life's terrible Mystery
When Mr. Hill was. some years ago, in
Scotland, he was introduced to an aged
minister somewhat resembling himself in
piety and eccentricity. The old man look
ed at him for some time very earnestly,
and at length said: 'sWeel. ha' been look
ing for some time at the leens of your
face.'7 'sAnd what do you think of tip"
said Mr.. Hill. "Why, am thinking that
if the grace of God hadna' changed your
heart you would ha' been most trench
dous rogue.o MI. Hill laughed heartily,
and said: "Well, you hit the nail on the
head.''
A little chap had dirty face, and his
teacher told him to go and wash 1t He
went away and after a few minutes came
back with the lower part Of his ccunten-
ance tolerably clean, while the upper part
was dirty and wet.
johnny said the teacher, 'why didn't
you wash your face?'
81 did wash it, sir"
sYou didn't wipe it all over, them"
II did wipe it as high Up as my shirt
would 60"
FREEMEN OF AMERICA, BACK This
UP !LTwenty-nine Of the best young men
in Burlington have banded themselves 10
gether, and bound themselves by terri
BILE oath not to pay more than 81 for pin
cushion made of furniture calico and
stuffed with bran, at any time this winter
no matter what missionary society manu-
features the pincushions.- Burlington
Haaokeye.
ALL THE SAME UP ABOvE.-An old
colored lady OF one of the back 90 mite
sings all the good old Methodist hymns
but she gets them mixed sometimes. She
sings:
Sweet prospects, sweet birds and sweet flowers
Have all lost their sweetness BUT me.
And another 4'V
Am Ia shoulder of a hess
a quarter of a lamb. 7a
She means all right, though, bless her
good heart.
Two Irishmen, on certain occasion.
occupied the same chamber. In the morn
Ing one vi GItLu IlIuIleu VI VAo oouoA,
.'Dennis, did you hear the thunder ill
night ?'' mo Pat; Gid it really tlunder?
ayes it thundered as if biven aud eartE
would come together "Why the deuce
then, didn't ye wake me, for ye know
can't Shape when it thunders?''
lis there an opening here for an intel
lectual Writer?" said q very red faced
youth, with the cork of bottle sticking
out of his breast pocket. The editor with
much dignity took the young mans in
tellect in and said, Gan opening? yes, sir;
a kind and considerate carpenter, foresee-
ing your visit, left an opening fol- you.
Turn the knob to the right"
Ma, gimme some turkey" said young
hopeful to his mother few days ago at the
dinner table, ''Why, son, this is the fourth
time you've been helped" replied the
mother 81 know it ma, but HAT turkey
pecked at nee once aud | want to get eve'i
with him.
FREE PAssEs.-s'Now my young friends
can YOU tell me who Leonidas was 7"
/
ture.n "And what makes you think he
was member of the legislature, my chill
dren 30 "Because. sir, he held a pass with
Spartan firmness."
AS wife was holding Der husbands
aching head in her hands one morning, she
asked, sAre man and wife one?'' 81
suppose 500 said the husband. "Then,"
reicined the wife, II came home drunk
last night, and [ ought to be ashamed of
myself
An envious paragrapher remarks: "lt
has been observed that the lady with a
diamond ring will scratch her nose in
given period four times as often as any
other woman"
Doctor said adespairing patient to
his phvsicians II am in dreadful condi-
tion. can neither lay nor set !; what shall
| do ?'' II think you had better roost."
was the reply
Shakespeare asked, "What's in name?'
If he had been studying Eastern war maps
he would have found that thirty-fve con-
sonants and three vowels were in most OF
them.
Somebody says that raw potatoes will
cure drunkenness. This may be so, but
we hope it won't be put in practice before
we secure our winter supply.
Enthusiastic youth.on horse-car 'sThat
stsr over there is Mars Unsympathetie
driver . lis it Then the other one, |