The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1878-10-03
FLASHES.

IMClfC.
The lap of luxury--a cat eating
cream.
A lemon is an insignificant thing, but
we love its ade in keeping cool.
You're sweet on u.s." as the buck
wheat cakes remarked to the syrup:
Women should never study lan-
guages. One tongue is sufficient.
Butler says: "He laughs best who
laughs last lie is in favor Of grim
backs.
Lightning struck an apiary in Den
yer, recently, and astorlshed every bee
holder.
Take away woman asks q writer,
"and what would follow ?" That's easy.
The men.
The woman that makcth q good pud-
ding in silence is better than she VINO
maketh a tart reply.
There is no good substitute for Wis
dom; but silence is the best that has
has been discovered yet.
The backbone of the heated term
seems to be broken. So is ours nearly,
trying to bear up under it.
How is it possible for mirror to
fatter when it always casts reflections
on ones personal appearance?
Never say dye, especially when your
girls other fellow occupies the next
chair to you in the barber shop.
Why does the good wife of the reform
ed drunkard rejoice Because her
husband doesn't liquor any more.
The Sultan of Turkey is obliged to
have 366 suits of clothes a year. He
never wears the same garments twice.
\ young lady rebukingly asks us
Which is the worst, to lace tight or to
get tight? We give it up-we never
laced.
"How did you get that red nose
Brown ?" B-'unloading schooners,"
and B, smiled as he had done too Of
often.
A sign posted up in Wisconsin saw
mill reads: "The saws are running
no use to touch them to convince your
selves"
The stranger who sits at our table
may be good man, but he is also a
cannibal, for he eats the flour OF the
family.
Snodgrass says the prettiest sewing
machine he ever saw was about seVen>
teen years old, with short sleeves, low
neck dress and galter boots.
A man who will read a newspaper a
whole year and not pay his subscription
promptly is 'Pluck'--not for honesty,
but for swindling.
When q man reaches the top OF a
stairway and attempts to make one step
higher, the sensation is as perplexing as
if he had attempted to kick dog that
wasn't there.
Scientific men say that person IS
half an inch taller in the morning than
he is in the evening. In spite Of this,
we all know that men get fearfully high
in the evening sometimes.
1t is pleasant to see husband and
wife play draw poker, when the wife
holds tha poker and the husband sneaks
off to the nearest lager beer saloon and
tells hls friends that he is trying to en-
JOY himself:
A story is told &C a man who got very
tipsy at country house, was tarred
and feathered and put to bed. lie
awoke, still tipsy, in the morning, reeled
down to the looking glass, and excalm>
ed, Become bird, by Jovep
LET me see,' said guest, as satche1
in Land, he approached the landlord OF
a country tavern, 'the stage doesn't 60
for some time yet, I believe. Am l
right% NO. replied the landlord,
you're left. The stage went before you
were up
"This cottage for SAIL" was the sign
on a country residence. A stranger
passing by asked woman who was
standing in the door, when the cottage
was to sail, to which she instantly re-
piled; "As soon as anybody comes along
who can raise the wind"
why does lightning so rarely strike
twice in the same place =" Professor
Workman asked the new boy in the
class in natural philosophy. Huh said
the new boy, it never needs to- And
it is little singular that nobody had
thought of that reason before.
"Is this the place. she asked, as she
wandered down on the barren sands,
where a young lady-a beautiful
young lady--tell iuto tho water last
season, and was rescued by q gallant
young man, whom she afterwards mar
ried :" He looked at her carefully,
estimated her at a square AZ, with false
teeth, and said: eyes ma'am, but l
don't know how to SWIM"