St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-03-22
A Witty and Humorous Address.

The Hon. George Washington Peck,
home missionary, and sinner-in-chief of
the La Crosse Sun, delivered the fol-
lowing learned and instructive address
at the recent meeting of the Wisconsin
State Dairymen's Association:
FellOlU Cream a -fOniSts: In calling
upon me on this occasion, to enlighten
you upon a subject that is dear to tle
hearts of all Americans, you have got
the right man in the right place. 1t
makes me proud to come to my old
home and unfold truths that have been
folded since | can remember. 1t may
be said by scOffers, and it has been said
to-day, in my presence, that did not
know enough to even milk a COW.
deny the allegation, and show me the
alligator. Ifany gentleman present has
got COW here with him, and can
borrow clothes wringer, will show
you whether / can milk COW or not
Or, if there is a cheese mine here handy,
l will demonstrate that can-runnet.
The manufacture of cheese and but
ter has been among the earliest indus
tries. Away back in the history of the
world, we find Adam and Eve convey
ing their milk from the garden of Eden,
in Il one horse wagon to the cold spring
cheese factory, to be weighed in the
balance. Whatever may be said of
Adam and Eve to their discredit in the
marketing of the products of their or
chard, it has never been charged that
they stopped at the pump aud put wa
ter in their milk cans. Doubtless you
all remember how Cain killed his
brother Abel because Abel would not
let him do the churning. We can pic
ture Cain and Abel driving nooley cows
up to the house from the pasture in the
southeast corner of the garden and
Adam standing at the bars with a tin
pail and a three-legged stool smoking Il
meerschaum pipe and singing "Hold
the Fort for l am coming through the
rye," while Eve sat on the veranda al
| tering over her last years polonaise,
and winking ut the devil who stood be-
hind the house singing, 81 want to be
an angel" After Adam got through
milking he came up and saw Eve blush
ing, and he said, Madame, cheese it,
and she chose it.
But to come down to the present day,
we find that cheese has become one of
the most important branches of manu-
facture. Ii is next in importance to the
silver interest. But fellow cheese mon
gers, you are doing yourselves great in
justice that you do not petition Congress
to pass n bill to remOnetize cheese.
There is more cheese raised in this
country than there is silver, and it is
more valuable. Suppose you had not
eaten a mOuthful in thirty days, and
you should have placed on the table
before you ten dollars stamped out of
silver bullion on one plate, and nine
dollars stamped out of cheese bullion
on another plate, which would you take
first Though the face value of the
nine cheese dollars would be ten per
cent. below the face of the ten silver
dollars, you would take the chances of
the cheese. You could use it to better
advantage in your business. Hence l
say cheese is more valuable than silver.
and it should be made a legal tender
for all debts, public and private, except
pew rent. may be in advance of other
eminent financiers, who have studied
the currency question, but | want to
see the time come, and | trust the day
is not far distant, when 412 I-2 grains
OF cheese shall be equal to dollar in
Goldfish, and when the merry jingle of
slices of cheese shall be heard in every
pocket. Then every cheese factory can
make its own coin, money will be plen-
ty, everybody will be happy, and there
never will be war any more. 1t may
be asked how this currency can be re
deemed | would have an incontro-
vertible bond made of limburger
cheese, which is stronger and more dur
able. When this is done you can tell
the rich man from the poor man by the
smell of his money. Now-a-days MANY
of us do not even get a smell of money.
but in the good days which are coming
the gentle zephyr will watt to us the
delicate violet and the bodied lin
burger, and we shall know that money
is plenty.
The manufacture of cheese is busi-
ness that poor man can engage in, as
well as the rich man. 1 say it, without
fear OF successful contradiction, and say
it boldly, that poor man, with say,
2oO COWS, if he thoroughly understands
his BUSINESS, can market more cheese
than rich man who owns 300 oxen.