The Newtown bee., 1878-11-28
SuNREAMs.
The carpenter is q plane dealer.

Mozart was quite a msnuet man,
 Hand made shoas must hs for servants, Hons have an ambition similar tn men Thay hll want to s | oa ll.e highest rpoat, If your Mndldy's daughter is pretty yoa may say, please pasS me that, honey"
 No man ever acknowledges mistake so quick aS when ha puts the lighted end Of cigar in his mouth
 Fire escape-the husband who lies a b'd in tho morning until his wife gets up and builds tho fro.
 A dotlng mother, satisfied that her child merited logging, insisted on itt t'Li"g ehlorurorm first
 A mnn used to say 10 q barber "1ln ont my hair q little" Wives were not then inyentel-we mean acquired,
 A parrot is said to live to bo two hundred yens old. A barber does not live 80 iong but he talks mora
 'Sfy lord" said the foreman of Welsh jury, when giving in the verdict, i've iiud the man who stole the marc not guilty"
 A neighboring editor explains tlat when he advises his readers to lay in ther c"nl, Inc does not mean that they are to sleep in it.
 Nobody can T how many disputes for the front side of .ue nad have been settled by moving the bedstead in the c,nlro of the roOln.
 When girl gets mad and rises from q fellows knee, but thinks b tier uf it and goes back again, is what they cail re- lapse.
 It may not be "all of death to die" no the old hymn puts t; but 1t k the only thing about it that gives ehu undertaken any satisfaction.
 You can't tell mans character by the way he shakes hands. He may be annoyed at the tigAmess of his suaprnders. and hardly grip at all
 A baby at the recent exhibition weighed only pound and half, and tue Worcester Press says its mothersllauked it with tack hammer.
 Fashion sometimes runs into sarcasm. Thus, for instance, the heading of d mur- riage notice in one of cXyAaug~s reuls: 'Ehea-Morsc.
 "What is goddess, pa9' asked a very talkltiye youug lady. lit iSa person of the feminine gender, that holds her tOnguo,' 6ul the old man, severely.
 A young colorsd lady of Philadol- phia. wears shoes seventeen inches long, and there is so much of her on the ground that she never gets the daupucss cut of her system.
 District Visitor (blondly:) ''Weu, dame, and how do you find things nowi" Crusty old Cottager: "How do you find things Why, by looking artcr 'em, tobe sure.' They can't determine tbe question in Schenectady whether Christians should dance or not, and Christians will meanwhile, be allowed to "keep time' with the foot when the Hdile plays.
 A Virginia sheriff sSkcd murderer if he wanted 10 make a speech on the galows, and lie I'D lied: Guess not; it loOGs like rain, and doEt want to get vet. Go on with the hanging"
 A St. Louis man recently while playing cards with his wife became crazy. We should think any !n,A would when he sees woman trump tie ace
 ''Can you see me, dearestf" said a Chicago man to his dying wife. ''Iell me, can you see me ?' No" sl.e fai0tly whis pered "but can smell you breath
 Bald headed men who go courting should not put the candle on the mum5el. Tht reflection on their heads might dazzle the eyes of the ladies on the other side of the street.
 squaw has gone upon the stage. She wears false hair like white lady. She is 3 switch iniun-N r. Herald. And when she is on the stage the audience see thf injun-near. NOnistOwA HerdEd.
 Among the many surmises as to what will become of the last man, it is queer that mo- body has yet discovered that he is destined to be talked to death by the last woman. Why do newspapers speak of "bouncing
 
 tall, and not one of them ever bounced much to speak of-they're soft.
 Gold hair pins are sold at nine dollars a dozen. A majority of the ladies, however, will continue to use the common ones, which can be had at eight and ten cents per paper.
 There is Butchers Hide Association in thls city, but it has not yet been de- veloped what disposition they make of the butchers hide.- Cincinnati Stdr.
 A Portland (N1ich. man went out to shoot cat The last seen of the cat it was nibbling one of the awkward shooters fin gers that he had shot off.
 The very, very latest application of the telephone is to deep sea soundings. In reference to the mystery of the sea the telephone intends to get to the bottom of it.
 A Nyack man is trying to invent gravy bowl that will not break when woman throws it at her husbands head. Tn re has been too much erockery broken in this Christian nineteenth century.
 This world is not well arranged. For in- stance, whoever saw rabbit chasing three men and carload of boys around for three hours for the sake of fifteen cents' worth of pot-pies"
 One of the Kentucky Minstrels is sitting for his carte in character. Operator ''Now, sir, look pleasant-smile little. ' Minstrel smiles. 'Oh! that will never do It's too wide for the instrument"
 A washing machine pedler of three years standing, who makes his head quarters in Burlington, wears with pride a watch guard made of various sized shot which from time to time have been all picked out of his back and legs.-HaUkeye.
 A London paper says that a number oi