Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1878-11-30
RUTTERWrCk's WEAKNESS.

Deacon Grimes called the other day
upon Mrs. Butterwick to ask for sub
scription to the Missionary Society. The
following conversation took place:
"Your husband is Presbyterian,
believe, Mrs. Butterwick!" said the dea-
con. ...
"No," replied Mrs. B. abe belongs To
pretty near everything else on earth but
the church. That's what Isay to him,
that while he is joining SO much he'd
! better join something decent, thatll do
him some good. But he says he has no
time. lie belongs to about torty-six Sc
cret societies of various kinds. He is
the awfullest man for such things you
ever saw, and all the time running after
them. Monday night he goes round 10
the Freemasons, Tuesday night he asso-
ciates with the Odd Fellows, Wednesday
is his Red Man night, Thursday is his
Temperance Lodge, Friday he goes
| fooling along with the Knights Of Py,h
las, and all day Sunday he is visiting
the sick and the widows aud orphans Of
dead members. II there were sixty days
in week, believe Butterwick would
have some Lodge to attend every night.
"Mr. Grimes, that man actually knows
ninety-three grips and over two hnn
dred passwords. And he's awful mys-
terious about them. The other day |
saw him swinging his arms about kind
er queer at breakfast, and presently he
stops and says: Thunder, forgot
where was! Mary Jane, you saw thaif
1t was grand hailing sign. Swe,r
you'll never reveal it. And you know
hen wake up nights and ask me if |
heard him talking in his sleep. and il |
say yes, he'll look scared to death,
aud get out his pistol, and say he'll blow
my brains out il | ever repeat one OF
those passwords. And he is all the time
practicing grips on me, but he won't
even tell me what any OF them are, al
though he knows I'm Just dying with
curiosity. He says he knows more Sc
crets than any other man in the whole
State, and he says if he was to tell one
of them, those Knights and Patriotic
Sons and the res; OF them, would put
him into a vault aud seal him mp alive,
or tear him to pieces with red.hot pin-
GERS.
"He's so careless, too | see him Civ
ing the grand hailing sign 10 the slop
man yesterday, and the slopman asked
Bridget if Mr.. Butterwick had the ST.
Vitus' dance bad; and know when he
tried one of those grips on the man that
came to tune the piano. the man said II
he squeezed his hand that hard again
he'd give Mr.. Butterwick bloody nose.
"As for professions. Well, 1t seems
TO me that when Mr.. Butterwick ain {
at lodge, he's marching in a process
sion. Always some funeral, or celebra-
tion or something; and he turns ont and
goes skipping around through the
streets, dressed In q cooked hat and
sword, and looking fierce enough TO
frighten anybody out Of their wits. And
he told me that sometimes he gets all
these grips mixed, aud he'll give Ma
son an Odd Fellows grip, and tell mo
not to be surprised if he is kidnapped
and made away with before morning.
And he'll kiss the children good by,and
make his last little arrangement SOS ey-
erythingll be straight when he's gone,
and then the children and NELL cry, aud
he look solemn, aud 60 10 bed 10 rest
before he meets bis doom. But moth
ing ever came oft They never touch.
cd him.
"You ought just 70 see the letters
that come here directed 10 him. IL
Butterwick," and then a whole Alpha
bet OF letters strung after his name.
He's Right Worshipful Grand Master,
and Sir knight, and an Eminent Past
Grand Sachem, and a Noble Grand, and
Grand Chancellor, aud Chief Mag
nifcent Reverend Druid Priest, aud 3
lot more such things as that, enough 10
take your breath away and with il all
he's no more stuck up than you are.
Just as humble as a lamb. And he says
that he can reel ont more stuff that they
say at ceremonies thand GIL small H.
brary; and be has about sixty sheepskin
aprons, and all kinds Of pictures on
them, that he wears when he is on duty.
80 he has no time to tend church,
and no money for heather. He spent
bis last dollar Saturday. paying up his
past dt.5s 10 the Knights of Pythias
and he says il he cant settle up with
the Drnids by Thursday, they'll cut him
off and chuck him OUT. don't know
what happens to man when the Druids
shut down on him, but Butterwick hints
that il is not much better than sudden
death. Perhaps you're Druidf MOI
We'll, J ou call ard SEE Butterwick, aud
he'll explain it 10 you; and meantime
those heatben'll have 10 shuttle along
the best way they can. Maybe if you
was to write TO them how Butterwick is
fixed, they might consider that sufii-
ciebt. Good morning. Remember me
to Mr.. Grimes"
Then the deacon withdrew and went
around TO visit less mysterious family.
STOP DRINKING VINEGAR.