The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-08-30
Varieties.


English royal family is the Ouch
ess of Cambridge, who is eighty
one.
The collector at Boothbay, Me.
has with his curiosities a god
marked Heather IDOL neIghbored
bya gold dollar labelled Christian
Idol.'-N. Y. Com.
The eclipse stopped a game of
base ball, at Utica, N. Y. This
sort of thing must not occur again
and the heavenly bodies might as
we'll understand it at once.-Pic-
ayune.
The Hooking Valley, Ohio, Ga
zette, says 1t is a refreshing sight
to see these old cast iron hard
money democrats like Thurman,
clench their teeth and growl out:
OF course we are for greenbacks,
d-emp
Bereaved relatives who send in
a lengthy and very fattering piece
of obituary poetry ask: do you
think we could add anything more?
Yes; you might add q five dollar
bill as a guarantee of good faith.
Rome Sentinel.
An exchange says a pretty fe-
male lobbyist when she commences
to weep generally wins a congress
man over to her side. From this
It would appear that our congress
is partially run by water power
Norristown Herald.
Men are so unreasonable ex-
claimed much tried wife. Here's
nay husband can't drink bad cof-
fee at breakfast without abusing
me, and yet he'll drink bad whis-
key all day and never think of
abusing the bar keeper
A man was fined lately in Lon
don for insisting on riding on the
platform of a street car, instead
of going inside. but no instance
has been recorded of the fin1ng of
the company for providing no ade-
quate accommodation on the in
side.
The English post Office depart
ment wanted a few female clerks,
and advertised Cor them-appli-
cants to call between 10 a. m. and
noon. Three thousand women
put in an appearance, and the
streets were blocked for two hours.
Cincinnati Breakfast Table: A
Kentucky deacon in a telescoped
car at the time of the Mingo dis
aster, slept so soundly that he had
to be awakened and informed of
the accident. He explained by
stating that he thought he was in
church.
Danbury News: Charles Reade
has sent a manuscript play to
Clara Morris for her consideration.
He says if she don't accept it she
is a mendacIous ignoramus, an un-
mitigated lout and a fractured i'd
lot. Miss Morris is considerably
embarrassed.
Archery is in in a measure TAX
ing the place of croquet. Young
men who have been given to indul.
gence In the latter alleged game
should indulge in archery very
sparingly at first; it may bring on
mental exhaustion and brain te-
ver.-N. H. Register.
Detroit Free Press: 1t is now
very fashionable for sea shore
bellies to walk on the beach in com
Pany with their mothers. This
seems to prove to the world that
they are young and thoughtless,
instead of being thirty-five years
old and on still hunt for hus-
bands.
We are told that $3.50, 100000
were represented in the recent
bankers excursion to Atlantic
City. This is, q pretty large sum,
but the amount represented in the
late excursion of Pennsylvania ed.
itors to Cresson Springs was-well
the returns are not yet all in.-
Norristown Herald. tff4E
Brookville Democrat: Professor
TyndAll tells us that the greatest
height in the atmosphere which any
human being has ever reached is
$4,000 feet, from which we infer
that Prot. Tyndall never bought q
lottery ticket and planned what
he would do with all his money
when he drew the capital prize.
Hard times in the poultry yard.
Old hen-'only five cents a dozen
for eggs! should like to know
how were ever to pay our board
II Peter Cooper expects US to live
on worms and spiders he's making
q mistakep Gallant old rooster
There, there, my dearl there's an
oat for you! Times'l soon be bet
ter. Keep your eye on my silver
bill and my green back and my
golden tail feather. By-and-by
You shall resume your speeches.
To blow out kerosene lamps
Raise the flame until 1t just does
not smoke, and then blow
sharply across the top of the chin.
ney. The light will be instantly
extinguished. The philosophy OF
the action is simple and interest
ing. Blowing over the top of the
AAmpf CAubcS . IoNC4CdSiOu OF the
air which the air of the chin
ney rushes up to ill, thus being
lifted, as it were, away from the
flame, which of course must cease
to burn. Blowing down into the
chimney is thus avoided.
The empress of Austria Is now 8
grand mother, and yet no one
could with justice give her more
than thirty or thirty two years al
the outside. Her waist is still as
round and as small as when she
was q young princess, and not, as
now, her majesty. Sometimes her
face wears a most lovely color, and
after galloping up and down two
or three times the long avenue Of
the Prater, she looks younger and
prettier than ever. She leads 6
strange life for an empress, and
avoids society as much as pos
sible,