National Republican., 1878-08-22
UNCLE DAN.

hur-Sorry Views from Washington.
MY DEAR NEPHEW: As have now ben In
Washington month or more, I reckon you be
gin to'think II Is time was ful1llin' my promise
to write and let you know my idees Of mat
tiers here generally. In some respects II Is un-
doubtedly the greatest city In America,
espcshully In the way of distances between tho
public buildins and men that hasn't ben either
called or proved to be tho biggest humbugs
agoin'. The men who have escaped that are
further apart than the Government buildins,
but don't have near so many visitors.
The Department buildins such as the Capi.
tol Patent. Office, White House, and so forth,
arc quite imposin' TO look at, are generally
well adapted to their uses, and built on right
solid foundations but some folks insinuates
that that Is moro than could safely be said of
some of tho Department bosses or their po-
litical reputashuns. No doubt somo Of this talk
Is the result of envy.
l wish your Aunt Jcrnsha was here 10 SEQ
the big buildins, expeshully the Capitol, with
its paintins and statuary and things. You
know she's always buying every plaster image
and Kromo that comes along-.but here she
Good see picters bigger that barn door, regler
lie pantins, too, and ginuinc marble statues
bigger than Samson; but l reckon she wood
be mad as thunder the way some Of the fggers
u dresst. Thars Christofer Columbus, about
ten feet high, with tolable good suit of ruther
old fashioned cloze on, standin on the Capitol
steps with big marble ball In his hand, and
lookin as though he dident know whether to
drop IL on the nearly naked woman by his side,
who Is tryin her best to dodge away from
him for fear IL will come down on her head, or
throw II at George Washington for setting out
there In public, in his shirt.tail and blank ct;
while George sets ont on big stone two or
three hundred feet of, keeping one eye on
Columbus, and holding up his hand, as much
as to say, Don't you hit INC, you old marine; y
and his finger pints to the patent offs, a mile
Of, as II TO say, my wardrobe Is unlawfully
detained up there, or you bet | wouldn't be
setting here in public without my britches."
coodent tell you in awcek about the statua.
rys Il pictcr in around the Capitol, and o
dozen other places In Washington; but
though l expect as like as not your Aunt Jo.
rusha will jest send half of EN- rite back to
have cloze painted on EN- before she will let
EN- lay round on the centre-table for foxes IA
look at.
As l promised Ned Morgan to let him know
whether 1t was worth his while to como here
and try for a clerkship, you may tell him Il
wood,nt pay. ! know Ned is well qualified
and lost leg In the Union army but the
darned fool has always been such a loud
mouthed Republican that 1t amt necessary :,
give him an offs to keep him In tho party, and
| he don't need conciliation to bring him in be
cause he is in now, and always has been. Thi:
administration Is buildin up the party by con
ciiation, and bringin in new blood from them
| that never belonged to II.
Sum Republicans think this line Of polio,
will be q success, and good many more of 'en
pronounces IL the biggest failure on record
| except the man who invented 1t. ] dom
know which ono Of EN- is right, but the las
| named opinion seems to he in the majority
and CROWN. For ny own part can't heiT
thinkin' conciliashun and civil-servis reform
are both mighty good things-or wood be
anyhow, IL they cOnCiiated anybody, or re
formed anything.
| The civil servis examinashuns Is haVin' q
least one good effect, and that is In securin
| class of clerks who know more about the bis
ness of their departments than the heads o
| them do which was gttn' 10 be highly neces
| sary. There amt no doubt II wood bc a goot
system to apply to Presidents and Cabinets
and IL | am here when Congress meets I'll &c
Mr.. Conkling to introduce bill provid in tha
before the President takes his: oath of otiic
| he shall be examined by the board of astrono
mers and show himself capable of calculatin
an eclipse, and also the course of his own al
ministrashun with reasonable certainty; AM
then mako his tenor of oils depend GU his cal
| culashun prOoNln correct. Ills Drst duty ate
bcin sworn In shOod be TO organize n CRANE
nashunal spellin match, pickin his Cabinet on
OF tho best spoilers; and II any two or more n
EN- made tic in spclin. then pick out the on
that wrote tho best hand. Of course this plaI
Is open to obieckshun. A Republican Presi
ident, for instance, might find majority O
democrats had spelt their way into his Cabinet
or visa versa; bnt whoever was presidcn
would proudly feel that Cabinet wood outspol
and outwrite all the schOolmasters this side o
Boston. even ii they want worth durn 70
anything else; but no human scheam Is entire
ly perlcct,and the same objections that appl
to this plan Of solectin president and Cabine
has equal force as to department clerks.
/ But must stop for this time. Next time
write I'll tell YOU more about the sights an
things I've seen here.
] amt payin much attcnshun TO politic'
but rs promised to give you the result of m
ObservHshuns | will say that the republican
here is hopeful Of carryin' nearly all the state
that don't 20 democratic, unless the shot-gu
} policy down south loses them more votes ther
than the conciliashun policy makes in tn
whole country, which remains TO be found ou
One thing seems pretty certain, that, whethe
conciliashun and cvil-seryis reform Is goo
trumps or not, the President is goin' to pla
EN- for all they arc worth, even If the rcput
licans loses the game. Write soon to you
allectiOnate UNCLE DAN.
Two Instead of One,