The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-01-17
Wit and HumOr.

SOtHci.
"WoRK but don't worry" the old saw
says; but some people don't work, SO they |
take it out in worrying.
A SUITABLE SITE FOR CLEoPATRAs
NEEDLE ThreadneedIe street, London,
opposite the Royal Exchange.
watch called it Faith, because it was
without works. and therefore dead.
"MY Lord" said the foreman of Welsh
jury, when giving in the verdict" we find
the man who stole the mare not guilty"
NEXT to drink, there is nothing that
quicker than banana peal.-Neu York
Nail.
A PERSON who had been listening to a
very dull address remarked that every
thing went off well-especially the audi
encc.
THOSE young ladies at fairs who sell
fve-cent pin-cushions for three dollars
ought to be arrested for robbing the
males.
"WoULD you like to be lynched?"
asked an exasperated Missouri farmer of
a horse thief mo, I'll be hanged if l
do" was the reply.
A BIBLES OPINION CONCERNING
MARs.-"Dear me! is it possible9-two
moons9 What nice place to meet one
by two moonslight alone
AN old bachelor says he's been 80
often deceived by the chicken of the
restaurant aud clearinghouse, that he
calls it "the moo king-bird."
AN orator declaring that fortune
knocked at every mans door once, an old
Irshman said: when she knocked at
mine must have been OUT
SOME Indians use scalping knives of
tortoise shell, probably on account of the
old fable in which the tortoise was alleged
to have got away with the hare.
"FoREGoEs" was the word put out at
written spelling exercise by one of our
city teachers recently. And one little
boy handed in, "Go, 90, 60, CO.
FIRST friend (pooD: Twill you do me
a great favora" Second ditto (rich) with
pleasure, but first you have it in your own
power to render me a great service.
will YOU" F. f.-"With pleasure.
What can do for your" rs. f.-"Dont
ask me for any money"
A COUNTRY fellow went one night to
see his sweetheart, and for long time
could think of nothing to say. At last,
snow beginning to fall heavily, he told
her that his fathers sheep would be lost.
"Well," said she, kindly taking him by
the hand, "I'll take one of them"
AN invalid Frenchman, who hired a
horse every evening from livery stable,
particularly desired the hostler to see
that the horse had nothing to eat for
dinner. because" he remarked.
"Monsieur lie d0cteur he say | mus TAX
re gentle exercise on re empty stomach"
THE fashion journals say, Feathers are
still in style for hats and bonnets."
Beds, too We slept on a hotel bed the
other night that must have had thirty or
forty feathers scattered around Oh car
load of Stats. But this is carrying feath
er decoration to the extreme of fashion.
"Do you .ay I've been "A hard drinker
all my life7" said an old topper to an &C
anaintance. "Yes, do well, there's
where you're mistaken. At one period
didn't touch drop for two years--in
fac',I drank nothing but milk" Indeed
What two years was that" "My first
two"
OLD Tom Purdic, Sir Walter SCOTS
favonte attendant, once said: Them
are fine novels of yours, Sir Walter;
they are just invaluable to me-" IL am
glad to hear it, Tom Yes, sir; for
when | have been out all day hard at
work, and come home very tired, and
take up one Of your novels, I'm asleep
directly"
An English vicar was standing on a
Monday morning at his gate, when one
of his Pensioners arrived with basket
of potatoes. "what is thsi" said the
vicar. "Please, sir" replied the man,
''it's some of our very best taturs-avery
rare kind, sir. My wife said you should
have some of them, ~ she heard you say
in your sermon, the common taturs didn't
agree with you.'
A PIAGIARIsT once attempted to pass
of his piltered scraps in the pulpit. As
he proceeded with his borrowed strains,
a mischievous critic said in an undertone:
"That's Doddridge-that is Watts-that
is Leiehton"-and SO on. The exasperatcd
preacher said to him at length: II wish
you would hush" That's your own
replied the pertinacious nearer.