Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1878-07-24
A LITTLE OF EVERYTHING.

Beauty and the Beast-Mrs. jerks
and old Ben.
Contentment is better than m oney,
and just about as scarce.
Will Mr.. Beecher please express
an opinion on the present weather.
The fat woman who Is wise will
let somebody else wear the kilt skirt.
Ajax defed the Lightning, and the
lightning-rod man defies all creation.
A new paper has been started
called the Balloon. How long before
it goes up2
Hospitality, whisky and water
melons are recommended as Indian
exterminators.
Edison is inventing a machine
that will dissipate the voices of talk
ers at the play.
This is sociable weather. Even
your worst enemy can't give you the
cold shoulder.
Anti-Fat is the name of q new
medicine. Our compositors don't
want any of it in their'n.
No, no, Gervase. Let up little.
A newspaper can not live on poetry
alone-it requires some advertise
ments.
Perhaps Mr.. Bryant had an un-
usually distinct prescience of July
weather when he expressed wish
to die in June.
A brave man is one who is not
afraid to wear old clothes until he
can afford to buy new. All editors
are heroes.
81 always call her my dear wife,"
said Mr.. Jenkins, "and l mean it.
You ought to see the bills that come
in."
Some one thinks the world is natu-
rally bad because nobody ever reads
q sermon published in the newspa-
pers.
All the nice boys have their hair
closely lawn-mowed. 1t stabs the
flies to death, and bothers the mos
quitoes.
In winter, rugs;
In summer, bugs;
In sickness, drugs;
In adversity, shrugs.
A Chinaman recently showed his
wife how to light fire with Ameri-
can kerosene, and her experience will
be of considerable advantage to her
second husband.
A Cincinnati woman suddenly be-
came speechless last week. The doc
tors are all puzzled to account for ii,
but her husband is now ready to meet
the hottest kind of weather without a
murmur.
Little Johnny Dibbs ran into the
house the other day while the mer-
curry was hugging 95, with the per-
spiration streaming from every pore,
and shouted: Mamma! mamma! fix
me-I'm leaking all over!"
An exchange inquiries, "What shall
we do with our girlsi" Just let 'em
alone. The girls can take care of
themselves. The country that raises
good men need not trouble itself
about what shall be done with the
girls.
The Crown Princess of Denmark is
six feet two inches in hight. We
don't know whether she is married or
not, but if she is there is one man in
that benighted country who don't
stop on the way to sample crooked
lemonade after the lodge is out.
An exchange gives as reason why
more people did not get into the ark,
that Noah neglected to advertise in
the newspapers. There is a great
moral lesson contained in this fact.
England's marriage statistics have
been analysed to show the proba-
bilities of marriage for women of
different ages. Supposing the sum
of woman's chances OF marriage
TO be 100, she exhausts between the
age of 10 and % years fourteen and
half chances. If she lives unmar-
ried from 30 to 25, fifty-two more of
her chances have vanished into thin
mir. If she remains unmarried for
five more years, she will turn 30
with only fifteen and half chances
out of her hundred left. After 35
she has eleven and half chances,
and at this point the statistician gave
up his calculation, except that he as
sures us that even If woman has
lived unmarried sixty years, she still
has tho topth &c m obn,,oo of ,.att.,,.