The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-04-11
PASSING SMILES.

WISDOM is ofttimes nearer when we
stoop than when we soar.
WHEN you retire to bed, think over
what you have been doing during the
day.
THE horse will eat ten hours out of
every twelve; and the hog never knows
what it is not to be hungry.
THE wild turkey can run faster than
he can fly, and any man who is good
walker can tire a deer out in twenty
four hours.
THE fox is the hardest animal to catch
in trap, and a muskrat the easiest, and
the meadow lark is the shyest of all
the birds in the air.
THE spider is the only creature that
catches its food in trap, and sheep
will live without water longer than any
other domestic animal.
No living wife knows her own value.
1t is only when a railroad company
comes to be sued that husband begins
to learn what a treasure he has lost.
"PAY as you CO." If you haven't
anything to pay with, don't go. If you
are forced to go, record every indebted
ness, and let your heirs settle the bills.
THE difference between riding horse
and riding hobby consists in this, that
one can get off horse at any time, but
once on hobby man can never get of.
"DoEs your sister Annie ever say any
thing about me, sissy?" asked an anx-
ious lover of little girl. eyes," was
the reply; I" she said if you had rockers
on your shoes they'd make nice cradle
for my DOLL"
-
knowledge never comes without seek
he shot up in his seat like jack in the
box, he offered reward of five dollars
for the boy who had stuck pin there.
A LITTLE boy asked his mother to
talk to him, and say something funny.
Chow can I?' she asked, don't you
see I am busy baking these piesp'
"Well, you might say, Charley, won't
you have piep That would be funny
for you"
A SUBSCRIBER asks us, "What is good
for warts on horsesf' "We don't
know" replies the Norristown Herald
man. "We never owned but one pair
of horses-a woOd-horse and a clothes
horse-and they were never troubled
with warts"
IF the surplus vitality of childhood
could be bottled up and held in reserve,
how handy it would come to a woman-in
after life when she goes to picnic with
a year-old baby, three baskets and hus-
band too lazy to carry a smile!-Cncia-
natl Breakfast Table.
A YOUNG man at a party called the
attention of his bachelor uncle to a
young lady he fancied, and said: Chow
charmingly naive she is, uncle?'
"KnaveP' growled the old man, gazing
at her through his spectacles; az should
say more foolP
NOTHING destroys the appetite SO
quickly as the announcement that Jones,
of whom you have just agreed to accept
ten cents on the dollar, is going to
Europe with his family to spend year.
In the bright lexicon of cheek there's
no such word as fail.
N party of ladies, on its being re-
ported that Captain Silk had arrived
in town, they exclaimed, with one ex-
eeption, "What name for soldier"
! "The fittest name in the world for
captain rejoined the witty one, for
silk can never be worsted."
ENVY is the most inexcusable of all
the passions. Every other sin has some
pleasure annexed to it, or will admit of
an excuse; envy alone wants both.
Other sins last but for while; the
appetite may be satisfied; anger RENTS !;
hatred has an end, but envy never
| ceases.
LITERATURE seems to be improbable
in New York City, judging from the
noted authors who are in trade. Long
fellow & Aldrich" is sign over an up
town store; "Thomas Chatterton" keeps
boys clothing store in Canal Street,
and "Tom Moore" is the proprietor of
small shoe store in Dean Street.
| A PTUTE Princess in Nevada married
a white man and took him home to camp,
but the coppery aristocrats ruled him
out at poker, shaved his head, caressed
him with clubs, and informed him that
! his reception had just begun He con-
cluded not to make his home in the set
, ting sun, and returned to civilization.
Mr.. BARCHoF, of Vermont, bought
! fifty dollars worth of lottery tickets OF
! New York concern, and then forwarded
twenty dollars for a two hundred and
| fifty dollar prize watch. When he re-
t ceived a brass timekeeper, which the
0 Junk man valued at three dollars, il
$ took his bark off clear into the sap
. | COf1. Buttetfn.
y AN APRIL BUTTERFLY.
r Foolish little butterfly,
You have come too soon
> Yes, you should have waited
!, Till the sunny June;
Or have waited, any way,
r Till the pleasant month of May,
y You will freeze your toes of,
You will freeze your nose;
You should have come, at any rate,
:, In your winter clothes.
e You will surely freeze and die,
q Little silly butterfly. Wide Atrake.
If SILK stockings should be washed il
e cold water, laid fat on a fine towel
" " rolled tightly until dry, and rubbed
e with piece of flannel to restore th'
gloss. We gave her this Household
e Hint" aud she presently said, "Ah
n yes, I've got the soap and flannel and
a. cold water, but where's the fine towe
IL and-silk stockings%
Z An AntidOte for Stryehnine.
d. An instance of the prompt and sue