The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-08-08
EVERYDAY sPICERIEs.

TRAMPs are the result Of freedom
gone to Graphic.
THE intense heat is said to have
frightened the book agents away from
st. Louis Globe Democrat.
NAPOLEON the Great always skipped
paragraph columns. That is why he
lost Waterloo.-C -Courier-Journal
Pics feed on acorns. This reminds
us that lard jokes from these same
acorns grow Keokuk Constitution.
Now that the steamers have ceased to
be crowded, Senator David Davis might
venture off to Europe. - Chicago Journal.
The most signal triumph of boys
life is not realized until he succeeds
in stealing into base ball ground.
Puck.
A POLE named Phurff is witness for
the defense in the case Of Modelling.
Bismarck is expecting to see the PhurK
ie.-Graphic.
Do we need a new religion Neu
York World. No; what you really need
is to make better use of the old one.-
Courier Journal.
DoN'T turn into the yard when you
think you see q woman signaling to
you with a napkin, She is driving
flies out doors. Syracuse Sunday Tines.
DELIGHTFUL taskl To rear the tender thought,
To teach the young idea how to shoot;
Tnen at the funeral, with feelings goaded,
He weeps and says: "I d-hidn't know twas
Lhoaded -Aew York Graphic.
SOMEBODY mentions Ben. Butler and
Mrs. jerks as /" beauty and the beast"
Now, the person who calls Mrs. Jenks
beast is no gentleman.-Bufalo En-
press.
ST.. LOUIS has a store over which
there is this sign: Schlocbenhuyser,
Maxesteinbeck, Eintendoerffer & Coz
This reminds us of the days of old long
sign.-P. l. Man.
IT is true that every man is free
moral agent, but it is also mighty tough
to have to refuse moonlight excursion
in order to be company for an aunt
with the toothache.-Detroit Free Press.
GUssIE-" Lizzie, darling, why do
you wear another woman's hair p Liz
lie" Gussie, dear, why do you wear
another ca, l mean, why do you wear
calf's skin on your hands T- London
Fun.
THAT man is full of business who
attempts to light a short stub of a
cigar, keep the flame from his mus
tache and himself from looking cross
eyed at the same time Reokuk Con-
stitution.
To the announcement that q BaIti-
more woman had given birth to Eve
children, the Albany journal remarks
by the card: We thought that nothing
would beat four of kind. but itseems
we were mistaken.
EX-CoNGREssMAN SYPHER remem-
bers now that he once saw Mr.. Sherman's
signature in an autograph album. After
this damaging disclosure, Mr. Sherman
can hardly remain in the Cabinet.-Nesc
York Tribune.
IT requires great moral strength and
tenacity of purpose to enable man to
sleep till seven in the morning when an
industrious fly has decided that he had
better get up at half-past four. --Netc
Haven Register.
DURING the past winter a New Hamp-
shire woman has cut and piled twenty
three cords of wood. Well, that is do
ing pretty fair. Every man should
encourage his wife to beat 1t, though
Danielsonpille Sentinel
THERE'S something inexpressibly sad
in ones standing all alone by himself
in the world as night shuts down and
the oriole flies to its nest, but man will
do it where he has only enough to pay
for beer for one.-Free Press.
Mr.. BENNETT, Of Chapel Hill, N. c.,
offers to butt heads with any man in the
State, on wager of five dollars. The
butter sculptor has gone to Paris, or we
would back her to bust his head in half
an hour.-NeW York Commercial
AcHEERFUL wife emakesa happy home,
because the emotion is contagious, and
almost unconsciously the household is
happy in response, because every mem
ber of the family is cheerful by the
genial influence of the wife and mother.
PEOPLE who are always longing for q
lodge in some vast wilderness wouldn't
be happy if they had one. First thing
they knew they would be bowling for a
street car, five cents worth of fine cut,
and an evening paper.-New York Com
n,ercial. 20
1T was just pouring down when she
admitted him and claimed him as her
rainbow, because she had taken him in
out of the wet. He reflected that q
rainbow was sign of promise and was
very circumspect in his actions.-Keo-
kuk Constitution.
BEN. BUTLER woke up the other night
covered with a cold sweat, and after
glaring gloomily around sank back on
4 his pillow muttering feebly, Thank
heaven, it's only that strawberry short
cake. / thought it was Mrs. jerks. -
Bridgeport Standard.
IT is well to look at both sides of q
fan. On heated" Sunday in Phila-
delphia, the other day, the minister was
tanning himself vigorously. he did
not see, but the congregation did, that
the reverse of his fan bore the inscrip-
ton, Buy Boggle's Bitters. ."-Boston
Transcript.
THERE is card in the window oil
Isaac Smiths Sons, the umbrella manu-.
facturers in Broadway, which reads
! "Gentlemen's silk umbrellas fifty cent
up" The other day this caught the
: eye of Jones, who is quite wag. Step
/ ping into the store he said to salesman
!. "I see you sell silk umbrellas for fifty
= cents upr, !" Yes" said the urban'
: clerk, I'VE shall be delighted to show
t you some" Well" said Jones, "hov
much do you charge for them DOWN.
He has been chuckling over this eve
o since, and the clerk has brought on
f sunstroke by trying to guess the %
nundrum.-New FORK Nail.