The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-03-22
WIT AND HVMOR.
SrucK-up people-Glue-makers.

SrucK-up people-Glue-makers.
A CUTTING remark" Chop the hash
A HOUSING time-Just before break
fast
The Oat(e)s troupe-A drove Of
horses.
STRANGE that ice ia not harvested with
an ce-sickle. Trenton Gazette.
Why q baker should not sell his
bread-Because he kneads IL himself
To rA1LoRs-Don't measure your Gus
toners with your eye. Use tape meas
ure.
SOLOMON was the first nun who parted
the heir in the middle. Orleans
Times.
If "the receiver is as bad as the
thief" how about the receiver of saw
ings-bank?
Gov. BISHOP, OF Ohio, wears a steel
pen coat on dress occasions. That's the
write costume.
DoN'r say ga glass of wine say
beaker OF wine. Beaker-rect in your
language always.
A ouARRELsoME man and a beefsteak
are alike in one respect: Both are al
ways ready for broi.
SLIGHTLY equivocal To ask man
how you look, and have him reply that
you look well enough AZ Ear as he can
see
WHAT grim sarcasm is that which
made Alexander Il. Stephens Chairman
of the House Committee on Weights
and Measures
"WHY did my antelope ?" asked
niece of her uncle. Because 1 did not
hold tight rein-dear," he replied
Hdckensdck Republican.
THERE are 8,064 distinct languages,
and yet the man who smashes his nose
on the edge of a door, in the dark, finds
difficulty in expressing himself. Break
fast Table.
AN old topper addressed his bottle
thus:
'Tis very strange that you and
Together cannot pull
For you are full when am dry,
And dry when am full.
A CORRESPONDENT asks US to define
1.-THE Returning Board" A man COM
ing back home, and beset on the train
by candy peddlers and book agents, is
the best definition of the returning bored
that we can think of.
"THoUGHT l told you not to trust that
fellow again." said Spilkins to his part
ner, as man left the store carrying a
bundle with him; "guess you'll find
him out after while" And he did.
He found him tout " every time he
called with "that little BILL"
STERN parent (to Young America
"When l was your age, sir, l got up at
8, cooked my own breakfast, and cleaned
my own boots" Young Dutiful-" Yes,
but then you hadn't got me about you,
who knew the ropes, to set you better
example,"
GUST OF DUST.
| He wildly rubbed his eyes, he did,
With vicious animosity,
The while the dust III binding clouds
| Did blow with great velocity.
! But she, sweet lass. pulled down her veil,
! And smiled on him benjgnantly,
| Which made HIM grind bis teeth with rage,
And frown on her Indignantly.
-NeU York Sun.
Mr. TREMMLEs-" assure you, Mrs.
Jones, would never go out at all, If /
could help it, in this dreadful climate
one day cold, the next hot. What mis-
erably wretched weather we have -
Mrs. Jones" We do indeed, Mr..
Tremmles but try and bear up; it's
better than none, you know"
DID you ever bound into sudden con-
seriousness from frightful dream and
find sweet calm for the agitated nerves
in the soothing thought that fashion al
ways does her level best to keep step
with the exigencies of the times? If
you have not, gentle reader, give it a trial
and observe for yourself how easily the
widest nightmare may be made as tame
as parlor entertainment by musing on
the fact that gentn' suits without peck
cts are coming into style.-Cincinnati
Breakfast Table.