The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-04-20
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

is full of valuable hints to tramps and Others in
clined to engage in a somewhat dangerous though
often profitable employment.
An Ohio girl threw a stone and hit boy in the
eve, causing his death. The girl has been ar
arrested, but will doubtless be at once acquitted
of intentional wrong as no girl was ever known
TO hit what she threw at.
The George Washington sociablc, of men who
could not tell lies, was abandoned. Inc only
guests who came were two insurance agents.
Rome Sentinel.
Josh Billings is sojourning in Texas, but lie
finds the people obiyious to the fun OF his
crapkcd photography, as it differs in no apprecia-
able way from the style in general vogue down
there.
A married acquaintance says his wife won't let
him belong to a club, because, she says, it would
take him out of an evening, when he ought to
stay at home and make club TO her. woman
who could make pun on such a subject ought
10 be dubbed.
At theological discussion in Vermont last
week between universalist and Calyinist on
the great hell conundrum, the latter was rathcrI
posed by the question: 500 you insist that WEI
must forgive our enemies, but that God is going
20 roast lIis|'
The K K quite opinco that the unmarried
colored woman at Joppa, Massac county, ILL.,,
who last week gave birth TO triplctS, was very
badly betrayed woman.
Young Sandwichcr who is "a good deal for
tall but not much for fat, asked friend what he
should wear at the last masquerade ball. - Tut
d piece of rubber on your head and 20 as a LEAD
pencil,n was the answer.-Satd,cch Fftc PItSS.
\ reader asks US why it is that if Shakespeare
is the greatest writer Of English his style Is not
more frequently copied. S death, pry thee out
upon thee, man; hold, We know not, an yet |
charge thee an thou love me, ali! la! still, what
are you giving us ?-Ne,C York Hcdm.
To remove frecklcs, let young ladies battle the
face with Colognc.watcr after tea, and about 10
r. VI brush both cheeks the forehead and chin, l.
with carefully -seectcd moustachc. If this does
not remove the freckles, it will, under ordinary
circumstances, cause them TO be forgotten,
The IIoOpcstown Chyonjcc mentions the case Of
young man in that place who was married six
months ago and the other morning was uneN-
pcctcdly made happy to find himself dad. What
makes ii look suspicious is that the chronicle man
adds; eve knew it all the timc-rarc ripe gar.
den seed wonderful soil, &c, make man 4 faith ,
81 before he can scratch around and rccoycrirom
the primary effects Of the wedding" The ques-
ton is how did he happen to "know," De:
Six tramps were taken into the Ottumwa Gowa)I +
reform club room the other night and treated to &
. hearty supper. IL is such attention as this
Which encourages the poor wanderers and leads
them to brace up and keep on sponging living
4 tawncy female having given birth to yellow
baby at the Rockford Errng Womcns Home,
Bennett and Chandler, the editors Of the rival ,
dailies Of the town, insisted on having grand
christening bee, and the unhappy child was /
chrstcucd BcnnettChandlcr in their honor. But |
there is nothing mean about the Rockford editors.
Each presented the little wair with half dozen (
milk tickets. !
\ wicked Connecticut man being recently takcnI
10, and believing he was about to die, told I
ueighbor that he felt the need Of preparation for
!AcucXt world and would like to see some proper .
person in regard to it, and Immediately the feel :,
Ing friend sent for fire insurance agent.
An exchange says: Brigham Yong's watch
brought 500 at aution, but which watch: Toe
our thinking, Ann Eliza was the best patent {
leaycr he ever had about him.N Y cone, .idr. 4,
and ~hc had a sort of " escape movement too.
We all loved johnny Leach
But ne gldcd from our reach,
And yaukcd himself across the shining rivers i
Perhaps he's better oil,
For he had an awful cough,
N.d species of congestion Of the liver. .
Dabi1, Times.
There +, no end to the convenience Of the tclc-
.husc. but it needs to be worked with some eau
ton For instance:
Mr.. BasingbaI Getty mcrchant-"Mo,t conycn.I
lent, can converse with Mrs Il. Just rs if | I
was I'm my own draWiug-ruOm. III tell her YOU ,
ire hcrc.' Speak through the tclcphonrD
DaWdlc@ /, hcrc-ju-t come from Paris-look-
ing 50 wcll-dcsrc, "a be- etc, etc. Now you ,
lake it, and you'll hear her voice distinctly
Dawdlc--" Wcally" (Dawdlcs takes IT, The
roicc--"F For goodness sake, dear, don't bring
Dat m-ulcrable noodle home TO dinner
The st. Louis Jo'raR peacefully pipclh the
pleasures Of housekeeping thus
The huusckccpcr .ivcth 4 cheerful hop.
Aud we hear The musical nippcrty Hop
OF the mui-ty misty, maddcnng mop I
hud To-, the maddcnlng horrors rush
Athwart our souls at the soapy "uSh
Df the -lippery shiny scrubbing brush.
rrom carlymorn till evening gloom
We hear the scratching in hall and room
or the boi,tcrous, bu-ily-hobbng broom. 4,
and now there comcth a wocsomc wall
That augurs centrally gu~ty gale
from q man with his leg IN the scruhhlu- pam.
I'm our last issue We made little mistake in
.cgard 10 Nick Smith lpo-ng his bride and belly
laud.--GrdHt Park Mars.
Let Nick wear suspcndcr, like q white man and
Zee won't lave any trouble with "bcly bands
Eakol,. I,r'ito,
The member, Of church society down in
Maine were playing "charudc,' lately the word
icing "Nicodcmus." The several syllable, were ,
rendered, and then the whole Wa, rypru-cutcdby ,
. -.,-., ,,,, q. tr,, II ,yuud have rns.pI rtIr..