The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-09-07

round hand, ana the mayor declared
"That'll do" but recovering from their
surprise, two of them shouted out to-
gether: "Ask him to write somebody
else's name, yer honor"
Write my name, Murphy" said the
Mayor.
Write yer honor's name I" exclaimed
Pat. Me commit forgery, and goin'
into the police ] can't do it, yer
honorW
The Irishman's conscientious scruples
were as opportunely improvised as the
ear-ache affecting Brougbam, when en-
gagged in an important case as junior
counsel. His leader had been speaking
for several hours, when he faltered sud
denly and began to hesitate. Brougham
rushed to the rescue. Putting on his
face an expression of great suffering, he
begged to address the court on a matter
personal to himself, but felt sure their
lordships would pardon the interruption
if they knew the agony he was enduring
in his right ear from the killing draught
rushing through the door leading into
the Common Pleas. Might he, in the
interest of his clients, entreat the inter
position of the bench? Their lordships
expressed their sympathy for the suffer
iDgs of Mr.. Brougham, and ordered the
door leading into the other court to be
closed; but still the obnoxious draught
came. Windows were examined and
pulled about, until the martyr to ear
ache, seeing his leader had recovered
himself, pronounced himself satisfied,
and free from pain.
An equal success rewarded the ingen-
ious device of a physician having to
deal with a very obstinate patient,
whose weak point, or strong point, was
his implacable Toryism. The patient
was West Of England bishop. He had
been very i'll, and to expedite recovery
his physician prescribed small doses of
brandy, TO be taken at regular intervals.
Now the prelate hated brandy, and de-
clared he would have none of it. In
vain did the physician insist upon the
duty he owed to his diocese, his wife
and his family; and when he suggested
that his lordship had better make ar
rangements for his departure from this
world, as without brandy he must die
the bishop calmly answered that he was
prepared to die, but he would not touch
INC pidnuy. w dlhlnS up W IHe uedu
Of the bed, the doctor bent over the
refractory man and whispered in his
ear: Need l remind you that Russell
is in Office, and Wing will be your
successor to the bishopricl" Fetch
the brandy, doctorp' cried the bishop;
"Pll drink quart if necessary The
ruse succeeded.
When Sir John Bowring was staying
at Khan Shekune, he heard so much
about the Sheik's young wife, that his
curiosity was excited, and he was filled
with desire to see what the bepraised
lady was like. One day the Sheik came
to " the Great Doctor" to entreat him
to cure his infant boy the child of his
old age and his lovely spouse. Sir John
thought the opportunity too good to be
lost, and readily agreed to do what he
could for the little sufferer, but in
formed the Sheik that before he com
menced operations it was Indispensable
necessary for him to see the baby's
mother; he could not else prescribe for
the child. The Sheik declared that to
be impossible, as an unbeliever could
not be introduced into the harem of one
of the faithful "Then your child will
die" was Bowring's answer. The poor
Sheik left in despair, but in the even
ing came again, saying the English doc
tor was very unkind, but that he would
do anything to save his child's life, and
that he would show him the way to the
harem. Rejoicing at the success of his
ruse, Sir John was led into a room.
where he saw a yelled woman bending
over poor emaciated child lying on
rug, his body covered with charms. He
addressed the mother with some inqui-
ries as to the symptoms, and then, art
fully pretending he could not hear her
perfectly enough to understand what
she said, asked her TO remove her veil.
The lady demurred. The doctor in
sisted, observing that European physi-
clans studied the diseases of children
in the countenances of their mothers.
At last she slowly raised her veil, when,
instead of the angelic beauty he had
expected, the cheated cheater was con-
fronted with the face of a hideous dame,
who said: 81 am the old wife!' while
the Sheik laughed at the doctors dis
com6ture.
Strategy is thing TO be admired
when employed for the circumvention
of rogues. While the French were in
Mexico, stage robberies on the Monterey
road became very frequent. The French
commander resolved to put a stop to
them; and this is how he did it, He
dressed UP half a dozen Zouaves in
ladies' attire, and sent them on in the
next stage, their faces hidden by wells,
their carbines hidden by their petit
coats. The stage was stopped the
ladies, without waiting to be invited,
left the vehicle, and fell into line with
the rest of the passengers. Suddenly a
series of reports came from that line,
and some dozen robbers lay dead; the
rest discreetly disappeared. For long
time afterwards it was only requisite to
display shawl and bonnet conspicu-
ously to secure free passage for stage
on that route.
Taking things for granted brought an
illicit distiller to grief, after carrying
on his illegal calling for years, under
suspicion indeed, but nevertheless with
complete impunity. M'Tavish rented
small farm in Glentartan, but the
revenue officers never found an appa-
ratus upon the premises nor any of the
necessary ingredients about the farm.
Every nook and Granny of the neigh
boring hills and dells was vigorously
searched again and again, without any
results save exposing the officers to the
taunts of M'Tavish. Where this won
derfully concealed "still" might be,
was the question to which no answer