West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-09-21
WAITS AND WHIMS.

WORTH, the modiste, is for measures,
not men.
A MAN always wants his boil some
where else.
BosToN often ships several tons of
cells day.
GoLDFIsH wore introduced into Eng
land i'm 1851
BAY WINDOWS make good harbors for
little smacks.
RAINBOW glass vases and flower-stands
are novelties.
THE first Atlantic cable was laid Au-
gust 2, 1867.
A NEW style of fan is in the shape of
n riding whip.
A Man never thinks of borrowing HIS
own umbrella.
GREENnACKs carry yellow fever
Don't touch 'em.
The talking man of the Chinese en-
bassy liz named Chin.
AMERICA takes the prizos for paper at
the Paris Exposition.
AN actor looks at a bad house with
empty tiers in his eyes.
lsN'T every Congressman II capitalism
-PhiIddeiphia bulletin.
FALL poetry will begin to ripen when
the leaves begin To turn
WORTH makes the man--pay tlo
bill for his wife's wardrobe.
A GOOD church has spires TO reach the
mansions in the slyes.-P Post.
Mn. OLIVE LOGAN writes over the
nom dc plume of Writ Sykes.
FULL representation means quorum
present and everybody drunk.
AN exchange calls the watermelon
"that luscious capsule of pink moisture"
IT il said a Mrs. Grow, of Mounds
Vile, Va, hung herself without cause.
IT is strange that when man is very
thirsty he wants his champagne extra
dry.
The Sultan encourages tailOrs by buy
ing three hundred and sixty-6ve suits
year.
IT il strange that no inventor has pro-
duced machine for cutting water
melons
CIDER is in ferment in tho country
towns, but in every enterprising city
water works.
A COLORADO girl, Miss Eunce Stone,
always kisses the editor she visits. Oh
Eu-nice Stone.
"I'M yard wide and all wool" il a
Kentucky way of describing high
state Of hilarity.
HAVE a care, girls, have Il carel
Adele Millet, French maiden, has
been huRged 10 death.
THIS is the Joke that made listeners
writhc: When time is no mower, he'll
hang up his scythe."
WHEN fellow bumps his toes at
night he imagine the corn market is ac-
tive Port chester Journal
The Russian paper rouble, at par
worth nearly dollar, has now depreci-
ated 10 about forty-six cents.
THINK minute before you speak,
and day before you promise Hasty
promises bring speedy repentance.
IT is the experience Of circus proprie-
tors that one stock of clowns Jokes will
outlast seven sets Of canvas covering.
HopE is always liberal and they that
| trust her promises make little scruple Of
reveling to-day on tO-morrJw's profits.
WE should round every day Of stir
/ ring action with an evening Of thought.
| Otherwise we profit nothing from ex-
perience.
/ THE bronze medalions stolen from
| Mozarts grave have been found at a
/ pawnshoP, and are soon 10 be restored TO
/ the monument.
THE German Society for Catching,
Breeding, and Preserving Fish, are pre-
paring for an international exhibition at
Berlin for 1880.
"DOCToR, don't you think write too
much for my ne vOus systemW " No,
don't; but think you write too much
for your reputation"
JOSEPH APCH = speaking in England
against the locking mp Of land by entail
and primogeniturc when il might be de-
voted TO profitable cultivation
BUT for the rough places in life'5
corduroy, nobody would have discovered
how much easy comfort could be found
in a sprirg seat Brcakfost TABLE,
A BOwfRY hair dresser has this sign
in his window Neither English,
French, German, nor the United States
spoken here" Perfect calm reigns
within.
IL is said a hornets nest contains %
many as fifteen thousand cells n any
Of the hornets arc at home, they win
show you around the rOOms.-ActO On
leans PicoyHe.
a NEW gallery, called the Mazariue,
has lately been opened i'm the Public
Library Of Paris, in which are exhibited
many of the most attractive and inter
esting treasures of the institution.
DONr get out of anybodys way,n
SAYS Henry Ward Beecher. But the
woman never lived who wouldn't clutch
her skirts and scud I'm time to dodge an
approaching streetsprinkler.- BreokJost
Table.
UNIoN CTTY, Tenn, has had the fol-
lowing placard along the roads leading
into that place. No strangers al
lowed 20 come into Union City under a
penalty Of fine of two hundred and
fifty dollars"
A FRENCH military critic holds that
the English are a more military nation
than the French, because he does not
think so many Frenchmen would, i'm
proportion TO population, serve voluutA-
rily in the army.