Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-06-07

INGENIOUS AND AMUSING How THE sell
pIFFERs FROM HOAX.

1 >
sold the guardian of the revenue very neatly
although it is possible the victim of the joke
| did not see the fun of the thing, any more
than the official of the North London Rail
way Company did, when, overhearing third
class passenger aver that any one could
travel from Broad street TO Dalston Junction
without ticket, as he had done only the
day before, he interviewed him when he
alighted The traveller not proving commu-
nicative, the Jealous railway servant convey
ed coin into his hand, and then asked
"How did you go from Broad street to Dal-
ston Junction yesterday without ticket
| Oh" was the unwelcome reply, 81 walk
edr'
As readily trapped was the amateur musi-
clan who responded TO the advertisement :
Wanted a trombone-player for Barnum
Balcony Band" by waiting upon the famous
Snowman without delay.
You want n trombone-player 2 inquired
he.
"Yes," said Mr.. Barnum.
| What is the place worth p asked the ap-
plicant.
''oh. about s25 week suppose"
Very WELL l should like it"
'.All right" said Mr. Barnum and the
trombone did frightful execution through
the week. Saturday came, and with 1T MIR.
Green for his salary, instead of drawing
| ''s-~
written Mr.. Green to Mr.. p. I. Barnum.
To playing the trombone on his Balcony
\ one week, S25." The recipient smiled.
ats all right, isn't it ~ asked MIR. Bar
mum.
Why" said the musician. you've mado
an odd mistake ; you've made me the debtor
instead of you.
No mistake at ALL said Barnum You
see this is how il is. There are a good many
/ in oil of IN
brass instruments but they cannot do so at
home because of their neighbors objections.
So find them room on my balcony during
SO many hours a day, where the street is SO
noisy that it does no harm, and they give me
SO much a week for my trouble in keeping
the organization complete. You don't think
me such a fool as to pay such Wretched lot
of PLAYERS. surely? However, as you seem
to have been honestly mistaken, you can
pay me ten dollars this week. but hereafter l
can make no reduction. There was va
cancy in the Balcony Band the following
| Monday.
We take it that the shrewd Snowman was
| not quite so much astonished at the way his
advertisement was misconstrued rs one A. b
who. recognizing a long lost friend in the
stalls of the theatre, but unable to catch his
eye. notified in TIE agony column of the
| London Times "If the gentleman who was
Il 4
ming of the 5th inst, will write to the fol-
lowing address, he will hear from the box
| above" and received nearly score ofreples.
| The first he opened ran l. My DEAR MAD
| AM cannot express to you how delighted
| felt this morning on taking up the Times and
| reading your advertisement. How exceed
ingly kind and thoughtful of you to commu-
| nicate with me in this way. Pray let me
know as quickly as possible when and where
I \ 1,,~, i,
tience TO speak to you. Can We meet this
evening Do send me a note, or better still,
a telegram, here, on receipt of this. Yours,
most affectionately." The second letter,
commencing Mia Carissima." suggested II
meeting at the Duke of lorks Column, and
ended; Goodbye. pet. Yours ever and
| day-The Gentleman in the Stalls third
deluded mortal declared lie had not slept
wink after seeing A. Il. at the theatre. You
| know Who" informed the Dearest Being,
| whose image he still saw before him, that his
passion was much too much for ordinary
words to tell that after wandering all his
| life, mixing in revolutions, etc, he should
| like to stop at last md finished somewhat
prosaically with Its Just o'clock. All
are in bed and fast asleep. Good night. I'm
not married" And SO on with batch of
other aspirants, who evidently deemed the
anonymous occupant of the box nothing
| short of an heiress
| Many an unprecedented sell has been per-
petrated from inability TO resist sudden
temptation. One of the judges of the Su-
preme Court of New York State, visiting the
Centennial Exhibition, sat down in quiet
corner apart from the others TO listen to q
great cornet-player. and as was his wont in
court, drew his gray coat about his head and
ears as protect IN against possible draughts.
| His motionless figure soon attracted atten-
L. hot tha
statue of some wonderful character The
Judges sister wickedly told those near that
| they were gazing at the effigy of an Aztec
priest from Mexico. The information passed
| from mouth to mouth and some hundreds of
people were drawn to the spot, to disperde
somewhat sheepishly when the object OF their
curiosity, having had enough of the cOrnet,
readjusted his coat anc rose to go.
Very nicely sold were a couple of tramps
who waylsid a wealthy farmer in Louisa conn
ty, Iowa, and demanded his money or his
life Disinclined to part with either. he
took to his heels. They chased him half
mile down the roughost of lanes, dashed af-
ter him through brier- hedge, and went
painting across an old cornfeld. Then the
chased one struck for the woods, and went
wheeling up steep hill his pursuers pres
sing closely behind with blood-shot eyes and
shortened breath. The farmer dashed across
a forty-acre stubble-feld, across n frozen
creek, through Il blackberry patch, down II
ravine, over another hill, across a stump
field, to be run down on the road by the
tramps. They overhauled him. thoroughly
searched him from top to toe, to find he had
not q solitary cent wherewith to reward them
| for their perseverance.
Our concluding example relates to an af-
| fecting romance told by tho Detroit Free
Press. 1t was the second time that the hero
| OF the story bad accompanied the young
lady home from one of those little social par
ties which are got up to bring fond hearts n
step nearer to each other. When they reach
ed the gate she asked him if he wouldn't
| come in. He said he would. Sarah took his
hat, told him to sit down, and left the room
to remove her things. She was hardly gone
| before her mother came in, smiled sweetly
| and dropping down beside the young man,
said Il always did say that if poor but
respectable young man fell in love with Sarah
he should have my consent. Some mothers
| would sacrifice their daughters happiness
| for riches. but am not of that sort"
| The young man started with alarm he
didn't know whether he liked Sarah not
| he hadn't dreamed of marriage.
| ''She has acknowledged to me that she
loves you" continued the mother ''and
whatever is for her happiness is for mine"
The young man stammered out e: IL
haven't"
oh. never mini! Make no apology. l
know you haven't much money, hut of course
| you'll live with me. Well take in boarders.
and I'll be bound that we'll get along all
right
| 1t was bad situation. He hadn't even
| looked love at Sarah II had no idea Of"
he began. when she held up her hands, say
| ing 81 know You hadn't but it's all right.
With your wages and what tho boardors
bring in we shall get along snug poss-
| ble. All ask is that you be good to her
Sarah has "A tender heart and IT you should
be cross and ugly it would break her down in
| a week"
The young mans eyes stood out like cocoa
nuts in Il shop window, and he rose up and
| tried to say something.
Never mind about the thanks, she cried
Il don't believe in long courtshipS. The llth
of January is my birthday. and 1t would be
nice for You to be married ON that day
| "But-but but-"he gasped
There. there / don't expect any speech
in reply" she laughed. "iou and Sarah set
tie it to- night. and III advertise for twelve
boarders straight away I'll try 10 lie n model
| mother-in-lnw | believe I'm good tempered
and Eind-hearted, though did once follow n
| young man 100 miles and shot off the top of
his head for agreeing to marry my daughter
and then quitting the county" She patted
him on the head and sailed out And now
the young man wants advice. Ho wants to
know whether he had better get in the way
of a locomotive slide off the wharf IL
ever a young bachelor was 'sold. Sarahs
young man was in that predicament.
Eli Perkins says on his tickets OF admis-
sion I'm caso of an accident to the lee
turer. or if he should die OF be hung before
the evening of the disturbance this ticket
will admit the bearer TO n front seat at the
funeral. where he can sit and enjoy himself
tho same as at the lecture This explains
the rush to hear Mr.. Perkins. The too san
guine public ioolishly bases its hopes upon
the delusive iii. - Courier Journal