Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-11-29
NERUI f,

There wouldn't have been any milk in the
cocoanut if some of our dairymen had had
the construction of it Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
The new snake-skin shoes that the Paris
women are wearing realize the bruising of
woman's heel by the serpent Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Five miles OF the Pembina branch have
been ironed. Gracious How much water
and starch did it take to get it ready?-[P Pitts
burgh Telegraph
Every man is made better by the posses
sion of good picture, if it is only q land
scape on the back Of a hundred dollar note.
New Orleans Picayune.
I'VE don't know everything. remarked the
professor, 'and We don't find, many that
claim TO. except now and then one or two in
the sophomore class
The Ihon man who was obliged to pound
his sweetheart's brother to Jelly and throw
a dark rim around both eyes of her father be-
fore he could marry the girl of his choice. is
now lecturing on Battles of the Union. ~
Utica Observer.
80, Granny ~ cried little Tommy at the
top OF his voice, II ljuGt seen the biggest ant
1t couldn't begin to get inter that door"
Granny was duly excited, but not so much so
as when Johnny told her it was an elephant.
-GBoston Transcript
Doctor Y is a man of inferior ability and
poor shot. But every year he takes his va
cation, and tramps over hill snd dale with
his gun on his shoulder. One of his profes
sional friends said it is the only season of the
year when he kills nothing Paris Chari-
vari.
Doomed fora certain time to walk the
night. The bed-bug in search of provision.
Politicians are quite poor this year One
doesn't see so many diamonds on the rough.
The Montreal Gazette speaks of leader
whose tact and coolness loaned to his men
feeling Of confidence.
Natural Selection When boarder, six
months in arrears, helps himself to beets.
A man who is intimate on short acquaint-
ance is usually short on intimate Gcquaint-
ance.
mo more fit to go to Congress than an
oyster is for a dancing MASTER is Ken
lucky papers opinion of candidate for
Congress.
gentleman residing near Boydton, Va,
built rain tower 40 feet high and 30 feet
in diameter at the base. with seven large
fues, two of which reach an altitude of GO
feet. Then he built fire in his tower, and
kept it burning several days, in order to
bring on rain. but it failed to produce the
desired result 1t would have been more
certain and less expensive TO have got up a |
camp meeting or hired circus to come into
town. An agricultural fair or SUNDAY |
school picnic will also bring on a rain nine |
times out of ten. If the Boydton gentle |
man is not familiar with these methods of |
producing rain, he should dry up.-[Norris-
town Herald
DIR. Storrs is responsible for very funny |
story. lady who saw sailor beaten, bruised /
and pounded into Il Jelly by brutal captain, |
was made so Ill that she remained below deck |
for several days. When she once more made |
her appearance the sailor was ut the wheel. |
In great sympathy she went to him, full of
the memory of the dreadful event, and said
How is your head today He had him.
self forgotten the little circumstance. and
glancing at the compass, cheerily replied.
West nor'west, and running free. mad
am"
My darling" said Mr.. Sadrake, who has
been ostensibly duck shooting at San Mateo
all the day and night previous, did the
told him :" mo, sir he did not" replied
Mrs. S. in an icy and appalling manner
but the butchers boy has been here to say
that. as he cannot fill your order for wild
ducks to-day, he sends you half dozen tame
Ones instead" Tableau.
There will be one comfort about that rail-
way which is going to be built up the side of
Mt. Nesuvlus. The traveller will always find
A warm fire and drop of the crater when he
gets to the top.-[N. Y. Commercial.
While his beauty, said a Knoxville Judge,
when he had occasion to refer to Que of the
counsel practicipg before him, has been
enhanced recently by his falling
from IA second story window to
l cobble-stone pavement beneath, 1t is never
heless the opinion of the Court that he re-
mains the ablest lawyer and the ugliest man
IN the State.
TRUE PHILANTHROPY.
While smith was bathing, one fine day,
A tramp took all his clothes away.
Not even II soothing towel was left,
OF everything he was bereit.
While seated in the sun to dry
For aid, he Justify did cry.
His neghbOr jenkins heard him holler,
And kindly brought him paper collar.
lie is well fixed, said one young man of
another he has no need of deaths in the
family"
Paris Wit The surgeon in-chef sent for
one of his Junior assistants, who. Fastening
to his superior's presence, found him Just !
sitting down to superb roast fowl and de-
licious pate. "Ah. Smith" cries the chief,
'hnve you breakfasted yet r ''No, Doctor"
replies the assistant, raiiantly Then go
and get your breakfast and come back you
will have lots of time.
The boy stood on the gallery floor
At the naughty female show,
And cast his glances Ger
Bald headed sin below.
- IN too far back" he sadly said,
Yet dared not forward 20,
For he saw his aged fathers head
First In the foremost row.