The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1878-05-11
HUMOROUS.

seeb to be gederally edjoyed. '"'0'
A New YORK shoe dealer advertisos
to make pair of boots, warranted to
fit, In one hour.
IT is not necessarily true thata woma,
is a thief because she hooks her sister,
dress behind her back.
Miss KEETER is the name of the sweet
singer of New Jersey. The best blood
of the Jerseys flows through her veins
BUDS on the Crees, and pants on the
knees. of boys playing marbles, are
bursting.
A MAN recently knocked down an ele-
plant, a lion, and rhinoceros. He was
an auctioneer.
AJAX never defed lightning rod
agent-Boston Post But still he might
have made Ajax of himself-Neo York
Herald.
IT, man will be economical he can
make trip to Paris and return for 800.
This can include six months stay-in
Jail.
CHARLES READE's great hobby lis to
have every person an ambi-dexter. Can't
officials steal enough with one hand
Free Press.
THEY do not indulge in fox hunts in
Nevada. When man wants to make
fool of himself he goes out and tackles a
bear, and has fun and foolishness mixed.
A YOUNG man from Connecticut who
went west year or so ago has just been
hanged in Nevada as horse thief. How
true is the old adage that " You have to
90 away from home to get the moose"
THE Higher Education of Women.
Gentleman Oiterary conversation =
"After all, prefer the Vicar of Wake
field" Lady" Dear me, you sur
prise me. never read religious books. ,
A MAN who won't get excited when
there's a run on bank and his mother
in-law has $4,000 on deposit is the sort of
a person to give cannibals the collie be-
fore they are half through eating him.
THE Lower Walk of Literature:
Housemaid Ito jaded literary man, who
has just finished hard days work.
ooh, if you're not busy, sir, would you
mind looking over my harticle for the
Family EraH?" -Punch.
JUNIOR CLERK" Would you permit
me to absent myself tomorrow to attend
my fathers funeral?" Head of Firm
deep in figures =" You may go,
Hawkins but do not let this happen
again.-Jady.
MAGUIRE is the name of the leading
philosopher of Newark, n. j. He found
fault with the fish cakes, and his wife
broke the dish over his head. Turning
to his daughter he said: Your mother
is celebrating our china wedding"
"MR. TAPENTHRED isn't in, | see,"
said an old shopper to the clerk in at
tendance. "No m, he's at home to-day"
az suppose he has nothing new"
" Yes'm, he has; he's got pneumonia"
You don't say so; what are you getting
yard for monia now?"
A PROFESSOR was expostulating with
student for his idleness, when the lat
ter said: cts no use; L was cut out
for loafer." Well" declared the
professor, surveying the student critical
ly, "whoever cut you out understood
his business"
"NoNE so blind as those who won't
see." Good natured doctor: "Stay,
those eyes can be cured. | will under
take the operation and restore the sight"
Beggar-" And deprive me of my liveli-
hood! A pretty idea. Do you want to
ruin me? '-Funny Folks.
REAL TALENT: Sarah Ann-Oh. amt
my brother a clever boy, Eliza Jane?
He's on'y bin to school two months, an
he's got the catechism. Eliza-Wot's
that Why, my brothers on'y bin to
school two weeks an he's got the mea-
slesl
RECENT Scientific Improvements: Mis-
tress-" You needn't be so frightened,
Maria; it's only the photograph" Ma
ria-'' Lor', mum! / thought it was a
sewing machine. And | only Just
touched the handle, and it said, what
the devil are you at?' just like the very
moral of master !"-Punch.
THESE are the days when the woman
of the house lights down like an appari-
ton in the midst of the domestic gar
den, swinging broom, tapping her
DRESS kicking sideways with both feet at
once, swapping her eyes, humping her
back and screening, "Shew, there!
Sheww It's hens.
A CHRONOLOGICAL CALCULATION
Swell: A-may | truble you to tell me
Jolly-boy: Pleasure, Pm
sure. Let me see. When | pawned nv
watch it was just nine by it. Half an
hours walk from uncle's" here, two
glasses OF sherry at the Criterion, say
seven and half minutes each; that
would De-yes-a quarter of ten exactly.
A LADY with fatal squirt came once
to fashionable artist for portrait. He
looked at her and she looked at him. and
both were embarrassed. He spoke first:
" Would your ladyship permit me,'' he
said, ito take the portrait in profile?
There Is certain shyness about one of
your ladyship's eyes which is as difficult
In art as it's fascinating in nature"
A LADY school teacher at New York
was locked two cents the other dav by
the principal il whose school she taught,
Tor being one minute late in getting to
IL her desk. That is almost equal to Mark
lwaln's story about a mining company
winch locked man for the time spent
In being blown up, when his back pay
was being handed to his widow.
A LITTLE girl had been absent with
her parents to camp meeting for two
weeks. On her return, her little play
mate, Ella Day, entertained her by show
ing her her new playtbings. At night
little Mary, in saying her prayers, said:
" Oh Lord, bless Ella Day and make her
a good girl, so / can take all her plav
things away from her and she won't want
them back again. st Louis Post.
THIS is the way one of the ladies who
belong to the Atlantic Contributors club
remember things: General Forrest
was buried the day my new hat came
nome. Hayes was inaugurated the