The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-07-16

Take Small Chews For Il Swells.
For lovers-Promenade.

n drawing room-A dentists office.
Now is the time to put your hens
under bonds with a coop ON.
Young men should pattern after
pianoes-be upright and grand.
a barber in Lockport became dumb.
He is now immensely wealthy.
Motto for beautiful woman asleep.
Handsome is as handsome doze.
! VIVA, Is the only pane Of which
every one makes light? a window
pane.
/ Americans are a great deal like
potato bugs. They will go to Paris
green.
The editor who tried to run a news
paper on compliments died in the
poor-hou>e.
When man losses five dollars he
must advertise if he wants to get
scent of it again.
I A bad marriage is like an electric
machine-it makes you dance, but
you can't let so.
} The period spent by the chicken in
the shell might be designated a the
intereggIum.
! Rev. John Jasper wants to know
''Ef deh sun ioant move hows she to
strike ANYBODY"
/ Two things in nature are detestable
a girl irving to be a woman, and =
woman trying to he q girl.
There are Twenty-Five stove firms IN
Troy. AMI each one advertises ''the
best in the world"
Debt" saws Billings, "iz trap
which man sets and bats himself.
and then deliberately gets into.
i To adopt that familiar proverb to
suit these times it should read, "Iruth
is more of a stranger than fiction.
Louisville has great expectations of
Il literary club Just started with forty
five dim novels for u library.
Pittsburg woman prays in so loud
a tone that her neighbors have had
her arrested for disorderly conduct.
Miss Won HilIern says she ''hates
awfully TO have woman kiss her.
Sorry we can't agree with you Bertha.
Since the passage of the silver bill.
: Wall street brokers are selling silver
quarters for twelve and thirteen cents.
Swallow tails never 20 out Of fash
ION. but il seems 10 us that newspaper
readers don't swallow tales as they
used to.
An Iowa justice refused to fine q
man for kissing Girl against her WITH.
He thought she ought to have consent
o ed.
| lydia Thompson sues for q divorce
o from her husband. Lydia is very
5 particular with her husband about
those things.
. A librarian arranging his books
according to their subject matter, put
, "Irish bulls" under the head Of agri-
. culture.
y A little girl suffering from the
\ mumps declares that she ''feels as
y though headache had slipped down
into her neck"
al They had a typographical hop al
] La Crosse the other night. A drunken
l printer hoped out Of u four-story
window.
J; Why is a doctor taken better care
y Of than his patients? Because, wher
I" he goes to bed, somebody is sure to raT
him up.
10 a man who was fooled into buyin:
~ a pinchbeck watch, called it Faith
because it was without works ant
m therefore dead.
Somebody says: Every failure /
step to success" This will explain
Z whv the oftener some men fail tn
10 richer they become.
". Several papers declars that the lat
Lydia Sherman was the wickedes
woman. but Simon Cameron says n
40 knows better.
II By the oath of Mr. KlOck, formerl
as of Reading. a new field has been open
~ ell for ounsters. We presume L.
{. time has run out.
q Let US not condemn all the ban
l presidents. Let Us remember taa
there are two or three who haven
~ really been found-out.
.. The "hookv" days have come agar
s the saddest in the year, when tn
small boy steals away from school an
III. "walks off on his cal"
We have a season ticket to Il
Paris Exhibition, which we viii e.
change for white straw hat with
blue ribbon around it.
No base ball pitcher is now cOnside
ard ed an expert unless he can curve Il
ball into the batters stomach thr
lips times out Of possible five.
,,v sTKnotted damassess are seen amor
son the new coods.-Fashion item. Th
probably refers to the clerks who paI
n.y. hair IN the middle.
A man out West who offered ba
Iph for a friend. was asked by the judi
if he had any incumbrance ON
one farm. "Oh. yes" said he, IN
lair wife"
The friendly Bannock tried has RI
ain away from the agency to preve
starving to death. This shows ii
81 Indian is not to be relied upon.
A "Ma," said small boy. approach
'o"' his mother AMI exhibiting unmista
able symptoms of . severe pain in
"ed' bowels, .'do green apples grow
heaven
~ Dan Rice couldn't run a twent
%" horse circus in a One-horse town n
'''.' better then Western editor cOu
'1e print a nonpareil newspaper in 10