The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-12-17
TUFF TEXAS.
How They Receive . Hearse With
q Brass Band.
Something About lightning Rods
and Turkeys.

size of The ladies .e-i.
They don't sling muck style IN Denton.
, but the people wear store clothes and chew
fat tobacco.
II you want tn see female perfection, you
must GO % Denion. The Denton girl j. n
lovely a. 4 moss rose, and her breath y a.
! fragrant a. q bed Il heliorrops When she
Laughs. her teeth shine like pearls set in
! ruby, aud IL sounds like music ripping
! through hsr, ci a!aba-,er.
! She is strong al Iimt, and thinks nothing
ii putting her hands On tie top Of SIX foot
! fer CT snd >kimminc over il like bird.
The people had n Zig celebration in Den
ton the other day. IL was an era from
which all things will date. You see PEOPLE
got tired II hsniins their dead to the c,me
terry in transfer wnson-. and about the cr'y
regrets Denton man bad IN diving be-
cause he coUidnt ride in \ Vanished Learse
wiih plate glass s,,... and black feathers on
top.
One enierr.is;ng undertaken resolved To-
supply this long felt want" AMI according.
" ordered a firsi-class hearse frcin The El-t.
Tie people heart Of IL and held public
ns-ii, &, 1T which il was unanimously re-
solved ~ Ct ;ebTaie the arrival Of that hear.e
in an appropriate manner.
A special dispatch Was sen, To- the E,zno
requesting that one of its mcst reliable re-
poriers h. sent 10 chronicle tie event. One
of the birge-t Ingins in the tribe WIS a..
tailed and . Contract INSIDE with the w., X
& T. TO slid. him through the Il. !. T. an .
Hat car, and pull Deni,on wide open so he
could &c: through ''ihc gate"
u We'll, the hear-e arrived. and every man,
woman ard child went cut of Denton Ia
meet il. 4 brss. b,na headed tie rroc.-S.
sion, and the Msyor aid City Counci! fol.
lowed. The Mayor made a speech Of vel
come and salute of II guns wa- fred in
honor Of ih-...vcnt.
The procession was then reformed with
the baud 81 the head, but a hitch occurred
in the proceedings, owing To- "ne oi the IN
sane menIisrs 81 the Council in-isiin. thai
, the Baz,o man should peE-cGs;A the corpse
"Whoevrr." said he, ''heArd ui a Ieroc--
sion With bear-- Mt TIE head 81 IL. without
a curse? Why the thing j. pnr"-,er"u-.
The BAzoo man demurTcs To the ,ro,n.i
| tion, aud informed the multitude that hi
had dedics;-d hi. life tn the service of al.
S~dalia BAzoo; bat iii. was impossible ior
The Ceremony to proceed without curVse
he would she.riuliy testos las h.ndsou.,
friend. Matt. Ollie d, upon their hand.
Mr. Ofiield stated that he would have Il
consult the house sbout 81. He had con-ij
cradle un6n;shed Business tn attend TO. and
me was rather in doub, ii hI- wife would
consent tn hrs heirg a coTY-e.
Very oPp"r,uneiy book agent was dis
; covered in the mob, ,nd b. was immeii. te
iiy slaughtered and placed IN the h-sr-e
The b,rd struck up:
when j.hnai- comes marching horp".''
and the whole outfit meanoiere.i int" town
in great style. with the band =, syin;.. Il igs
iiyn;. men cheering. sni I'll tn. principal
streets decorated with arches and flowers.
A big old time Was hal, hut unfortunate
IL in the celebration the iiearse Was forgot
ard the good people of D,l,on were nor.
ri6ci the next morning To discover that an
enierpri.ing Yankee had seized upon an.
fitted il up for a travelling -sereopticsn
show.
A lively time ensuei, hut n, la-t the
) matter was compromised nv the Ysnke,
agreeing TO take out his pictures when The
hear-e Was needed.
: The BAznO man thought he would wa!k
: home in order to avoid pa'ron:zing tina.
'grinding monopoly" the Houston Il Texas
Central, upon which every freight CONJUNCTION
wesTs kid gloves, AID the brake twi-ters X
stark naked. 4. he stopped at the frs
house, he found il wa- an adoh-. IL has
neither d"ors or Windows. hut six light
served rs a roasting place for sbou, Sc,
guinea hens.
When lac entered the hoase. b,
4 found an cid gray-headsd man hsr.i al
work on an AZ handle. and his wife sitting
, in q split bottom rocking chair busily en-
. gagged in 6lliug 4 corn cob pipe with long
green.
"God save all" said the B,zoo man, TAX
ing OF his hat; dye wan, enny arpuls?'
The old woman elevated her specs OF
!. her ncse, while the old man stopped short
y with the butcher knife, aad both regsr.le,
& him for 4 moment with intense as;oni-h.
" meni. Finally the old woman sprany from
:. her chair aud rushed to u Bible, taking
out fine tooth comb, Q marriage cer,i6
u cate, and two or three recipes for diving
wool, che turned To Genesis, and asked ;h.
. BAzop man To read the verse upon which
. the end ii her long skinny finger res,ed.
= "whst Is thatY she enquirst.
"Long Primer, num-" he answered.
"No il faint, nuiher. you little besihen
}. u. apyiI.. and the Devil w.s the frat deal
er in 'sm. Stranger, they've heen full %
the devil, the collie aud hard cider evsl
!. .ence Thar war = si.is whi-ksr~d chap
down here l,s, spring selling the trees. ana
all the fools in ,hi. neishboshood, yanh~,
is one" tpoin,ing to the old man With tn,
!. stem If her pipe) "bousht some. They
d planted 'em, and when grew out full 81
.,icker,, they di-kiverd every derned ON,
If 'em wss o ssye. That side whi.k~r~s
rascal he'd je-, gone INFER the br~.h- trim
med mp some o age switches, and painre,
the bark! No, no srpils fer me-" laid ,h'
old woman setting up~ vigorous rocking.
wins, do you have so many Lightning
rods for?"
"L,,enrois! Wall. :stranger. jsst take Of
your things till . shower comes up, and
yell are." sid the old woman.