The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-05-30
Mr.. Sarsaper's Orchestra.

MI. SaFSdpcI always ltle tAde uO was
a lover of music, though he couldn't SO
much as whistle or tell the difference
between waltz and dirge.
1t seemed to do him good to sit in the
backyard of evenings and listen to
Amelia banging away at. the piano, and
warbling TIL there was much gnashing
of teeth in the neigh borhs6d, and then,
later, when her young mar dropped in
and blended his deer. .Hasa1 voice with
hers, the soul of the nareAtwould seem
to be drawn out in happy sympathy un-
til he could almost feel tha& she had a
touch of the divine affiatus mself.
In these joyous momentssbe used to
long and yearn to pour forth his glad
some heart in happy twittering song,
but the moment he attempted to. do so
his unsympathetic partner was sure to
snap the cords of his Tyre by telling him
to stop his groaning for mercy's sake, if
he had any regard for her nerves. And
then he would nurse his chin, and muse
and wonder why heavens best gifts were
not more evenly divided. If he could
only sing like the gifted youth who was
at that moment jarring loose the plaster
ing in the par1of. OF if he could play on
the accordion like the bakers boy, he
would be content to keepa little grocery
somewhere all his days, he thought.
He loved music without knowing
why or how, and wasn't very particular
about the quality so long as there was
plenty Of it in bulk. The more noise it
carried with it the stronger its hold upon
him. 1t may then be imagined with
what impatient joyousness Mr.. Sarssper
looked forward to the approach of the
May Festival, ard with what enthusiasm
he set about decorating his residence in
manner suited to indicate that appre-
citation abided there. He was hopeful
that for once he would get all the music
he wanted, and he was not disappointed.
Among the houseful of company who
came to sojourn with him during the
week, was a brother of his wife, from
illinois. Mr.. Sarsaper was very glad to
see him come. He was also very glad to
see him go. He was q well-meaning
man, no doubt, but seemed either def
cieft Ii foresight or needless of conse-
quences. He brought with him presents
of musical nature for all the children.
For Tommy he had drum, and a fife
like tin-whistle that could raise the
hair every time. Melissy was made
happy with horn of excruciating tone,
and another fendish contrivance with a
| Chinese name and noise like the wall
of despair. Even little Jimmy, the
two-year-old, was not forgotten, and
came in for full share of rattles and
blowing contrivances.
The carnival of discord that imme.
diately took possession of the premises
| of rot a uo1Iu ond ON,
couraged by Mr.. Sarsaper. 1t reminded
him Of Wagner's music, as interpreted
by his daughter. and he clapped hi
hands and told the youngsters to sail in
Mrs. Sarsaper rebelled. and with mucl
talk about nerves and noodles drove th'
happy father and the amateur orchestr'
out into the backyard. The fence wa
quickly covered by all the children o
the neighborhood, many of whom
brought along their instrumental pos
sessions, ranging from joint of stove
pipe to bladder with beans, and
mouth-organ. Three organ-grinders AM
couple of Italian harpists were also at
traced by the din and entered into tn
contest with the full strength of thei
united machinery. In the excitemen
of the moment several of the urchin
tumbled off the fence and felt moved t
add several original vocal features
the entertainment, which they did wit
much spirit and expression.
By this time upper windows in til
neighborhood began to fly up and e1
hibit pantomimes of shaking fists an
!. nervously moving features. Recruit
were constantly arriving, and even Nj
Sarsaper himself was soon surfeited wit
| melody, and set about trying to smothe
! the torrent of sound. He found it
big contract, but finally succeeded
t penning his own children in the hou:
and dispensing the others, but the
quickly rendezvoused on a vacant Il
near by and filled the air with distra
: ton for several hours afterward. ]
E fact, the whole neighborhood has bee
: little short of pandemonium ever sine
q and Mr.. Sarsaper has found all sorts
anonymous threats poked under Il
door as to what will happen if he don
burn up his boys drum and enforce
calm in his household.
Instead of the delight and Joy antie
= pated, the festivities of the past wet
Y have been to him burdensome disa
! pointment, and all, too-as he ave
y with sorrowful bitterness-on accou
of the base perfdy of his wife's Illino
e relative.