Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1878-12-15
Connubialitles.

u told her I'd never smoke another
cigar, he said, softly, s'anti wont. A
pipes plenty good enough for me-
The Washington Capital askes: "Wh,
is it that everybody wants Dr.. Nary
Walker to go to New Orleans profession
ally?"
The man who married an incorrisibIs
shrew declared to friend that he mad
contracted dangerous scold.-Puck.
Prof. Watson and Ann Arbor. his wife,
! are happy. Its boy planet, weighing
vsrtiser.
Said he: matilda. you are my dearest
duck" Said she: augustus. YOU are trv-
ing to stuff me-" She was too sage for
him.
Being the first bachelor and the first
Benedict, how stands Adams claim to be-
ing first in peace and frs. in war.-Fondl
du Lac Reporter.
A fellow says: Home with scoding
wife and upset beehive are one and the
same TO him, as in either case he gets
tongue more than he wants.
Iowa has twelve thousand schoolma'ms.
Young man, grasp tho opportunity. Iowa
offers it and eleven thousand nine hun6-
red and ninety nine over.
An exchange calls On young men who
don't want to work, to cheer up. Twelve
OF them IN one little town have lately sue
ceeded in marrying school misresses.
Gentlemen who wont and don't 80
home till morning, till daylight doth ap-
pear, are strangely subjected to attacks of
malarlal fever at this season of the wear.
The paragraphlsts have discovered the
best method of heating a street-car.
Garry a woman half block further
than she wants to go. II viii be hot
enough"
Mrs. Janvillc has 'tput up" twelve cans
Of peaches. nine jars OF plums, and a
bushel of pears, while her husband has
only put up" two stoves and his gold
watch.
"a brave heart is waiting" is the title
OF new song. We twig; waiting for the
old woman to come and open the hall
door. He'll catch it though, brave or
no brave.
A justice at Lafayette, Ind, has held
for assault and battery t; mother who
spanked her young one in "a rude, inso-
lent, and angry manner" She'll be more
polite about it hereafter.
A young man in Burke county, Ga.
broke off an engagement because the girl
named her pet calf after him. Had he
consumated it he might have had one of
his own calves named after him.
Any sharp wife can now take down
one of her husbands half dozen drassina-
gowns, rip off the collar, deepen the
pockets, change the facing, and have his
Christmas present all done and off her
mind before snow flies
A woman in Vermont was offered
new dress if size wouio walk twice around
grave yard at midnight, and the way
she walked III and won it made her hus-
bands hair stand up srraighter than if he
had seen dozen spoolls.
A Virginia woman offers to sell her
husband by auction, and apply the pro-
ceeds to the liquidation Of the state debt
II can recommend him to purchasers"
she adds, "as a man possessing all the
qualities woman capable OF controlling
him could desire"
4 recent Iowa bride got no less than
nine knives. And yet if she should take
notion to get rid of her husband few
years hence, the probabilities are that in
stead OF cutting his throat with one of
these knives, she would elope with
Chicago drummer"
Don't you love her still?' asked the
judge to man who wanted a divorce.
"Certainly | do" said he; 81 love her bet
ter still than any other way, but the
trouble is she will never be still" The
judge, who is married man himself
takes the case under advlsement.
A man may sheer at woman all he
will because she can't sharpen lead
pencil, but she has the smile on him
when he stands holding an unoccupied
suspender bottom in his hand and wonder
ing whether il will hurt less to pull the
needle out of his thumb the same way il
went in OF push it on through.
An eight-hour man, on going home for
MS supper, found his wife sitting in her
best clothes on the door step reading a
volume of travels. "How is this?n he ex-
claimed; "where is my supper?" 81 don't
know" replied the wife, Il began to get
your breakfast at 6 O'Clock this morning,
and my eight-hours ended at 2 PM"
They were looking at the fall style of
bonnets. Said she, "Oh! dear, look at
that bird in the crown; what pretty
billr' And because he turned away,
wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and
murmured; Il should say it was pretty
| bill, she became melancholy and threat
ened to leave him and 60 home to Ler
mother.
| The good man slammeth the gate and
bangeth the door and maketh noise, for
his heart is without guile and he feareth
not the grevious words OF his wife; but
the naughty man shutteth the gate softly
and stealeth up stairs in his stocking feet,
and stumbleth over the rocking-chair,
and the last condition of that man is
worse than the first.
| A Medford individual was sauntering
| home the other night, near the three
church clocks Of that classic village. Sud-
denly the voice OF time sounded In his
tympanum and went on with regular
strokes until the three clocks had follow
ed each other in succession. Braclng
himself up deiantly, he CALCULATED:
'sThirty-six o'clock! Keep on, I've been
out later than that"
Il distinguished NJ. D., thinking to say
something complimentary to fascinating
widow, one OF his patients, placed his
pulpy hand on her well-rounded shoul-
der, and, with poetic sigh, exclaimed:
"This is the incest and softest place In
the world for a weary head to rest on"
| She turned Quickly on him and renlied
doctor, give me your hand and 1 will
put it on still softer place." wherein
she quietly put his hand on his own bald