Litchfield enquirer., 1878-07-25
CLIPPINGS.

There is no humble beebut canbe distin- guishedwhen you sit down on him.
 Virginia is the mother of Presidents, and Louisiana the mother of witnesses.
 Boucicault is going to write new play this summer, if he can find one
 "There is a rattiesnake in this cellar" is the placard a Florida man has over his door. Bur glars don't trouble him..
 A lady, joking about her nose, said: ''I had nothing to do in n.shaplng it. It was birthday persent."
 The bey at Sundav-scnool, when asked who made the beautiful surrounding hills, replied that he did not know, as his parents had only moved into town the day before. "
 An honest Hibernian, in company, who blamed the clergy for taking tenth part of the peoples property, exclaimed: 'tAy, they would take twentieth if they could"
 A Paisley publican was complaining of his servant maid that she could never be found when required. "She'l gango0t O the house, said he, twenty times for ance she'll come in."
 "Can that horse run fast ?" asked a boy of milkman the other morning. ':No, sonny" replied the purveyor of aqueous lacteal fluid, ''he can't run very fast, but he can stand the fastest of any horse you ever saw"
 Oh, he an ardent lover was; =se
 He worshpped every inch of ground ~s --rT
 Whereon the maiden trod, because
 She never walked except around
 The place whereof he knew that she
 Would certainly the heiress be.
 A rumor has gained circulation that band of communists and socialists in New York have bound themselves to assassinate all the great men in this scountry. We leave for Can ada in the morning, to remain until this dan gey is over. Burlington H0aCkeye @'
 A celebrated composer wrote to a friend, re- questing the pleasure of his company ''to lun- cheon key of G." His friend, a thorough musician interpreted the invitation. rightly, and came to the composers house for lun- cheon at One Sh0qp.
 A lawyer once asked judge to charge the jury that 'ft is better that ninety -and-nine guilty men should escape than that one inho- cent man should be punished" "Yes,p said the judge, '1 will give that charge, but in the l opinion of the court the ninety -and-nine guilty men have already escaped in this county"
 The habit people have of beginning to con verse the moment a singer sits down to the piano is often objected to by foreigners but l even abroad there are some people who do not | care about music ''She is charming" said the old Marquis de B-the other day, speak ing of La Patti, But she has one defect-she sings"
 ''On 'Ampstead 'Eath"-"And talk of cur bein' be'ind the French in general edication, why all 1 can say IS as it's the commonest thing in all Farce, for instance Cover fust class restorongs, too, mind yer), to sec dinner spelt with enly. one n, "-PWasch. {.
 An old housekeeper in an English castle, while doing the honOrs of the picture gallery l to some visitors, heard one of them remark | that, judging by her portrait, "Marie de Med | icis must have been exceedingly plain" ''Not | at ah," said the old lady, indignantly, jealous | of the honor of the family, II have been told | that she was nearly related to the Venus of | that name, and the family were all hand some."
 q arose at six o'clock this morning, and | see what I found in taking a walk on the | highway" said the fond father; displaying a | silver dollar lis that not proof of the advis- ability of early rising rising?" 'No," replied | the son. "And why?" asked the father, just | as people always do in fables and Sunday school stories. Because the fellow who lost it," boldly replied the son, "got up too early for his own good" '4 |
 A young and pretty girl stepped into shop where spruce young man, who had long been but dared not speak, stood behind the counter selling drapery. In order to re- main as long as possible she cheapened every thing, and at last she said, 'I believe you think am cheating you" "Oh, nc" said the youngster; ito me you are always fair.
 ''Well," whispered the lady, blushing, as she laid an emphasis on the word, "I would not stay so long bargaining if you were not so dear"
 PERILs OF THE TELEPHONE Telephone may prove dangeroua matter for some folks. One of our leading merchants, whose home is not thousand mics from Brooklyn, and who occasionally luxuriates in his leisure hours in and philosophical experiments, put up the other day an excellent telephone at lis residence, connecting the parlor with the ear of his house. On certain evening, while he was at work at one end of the instru- nent, there were couple of young bucks be- ng entertained in the parlor by the young la= lies of the family, and one of them, who's wish nay have been father to the thought, spoke just for the fun of the thing, of course-at the instrument. The quiet old gentleman received It his end of the wire this complimentary message: 'Qld MT. Watkins, isn't it most time you went to bed ?"
 The young sauce-box in the parlor nearly jumped from the floor at the reply that came back Yes, Sir ; aud quite time y0u soe'ot home, y0ung mGn r'-EDIToRs D RAwER, in HGrper's Magasi7ae tor August.