Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1878-04-03
SPICE Box.
Lets remonetize hash.

can please gets his work in by pleas
, ing nobody.
Circassian girls who travelled wit
. last years circuses now do kitche
work for 50 week.
Darling" said he, ''lisp my nam
, in accents tender" "Well," said she
"doth thith theem to thuit?"
Il This is world of second -hans
! goods. Every pretty girl has beel
! some other fellows sweetheart.
The Chinese have notion that tn,
soul Of a poet passes into a grasshop
per, because 1t sings i'll it starves.
, People who fish for compliment
do not need long lines. They will
; get their best bites in shallow water
In his last annual the Coroner o
Chicago says: "Love is q demonia'
power with which we should not tri
fle.
Poor people have as many relatives
as the rich, but the relatives of tn,
rich show up better on funeral occas
ions.
1t has been said that some men arr
good because it costs money to bt
wicked. That's what's the matter
with the tramps.
/ Death loves shining mark. NJ
bald.headed man ever enters bar
ber-shop without hearing the shaver
call out, "You are next"
! The next new political party will
be known as the Associated Office.
Seekers. 1t will embrace the wors,
elements of all other parties.
The Bible says: "Of all things
wisdom is profitable to man." That
is so; a man never calls his wife q
bald-headed old woman but once.
! There should be an improvement,
in the demand on the watchman. II
should be now: "Watchman, what OF
the night, and where are our young
men,
The Wisconsin legislature has re.
fused to make insanity cause for di.
vorce. It believes if ever q man
wants wife it is when he is crazy
or words to that effect.
A New York paper is trying to
get up a sensation about . new inven.
tion for making gas out of water.
But no gas is genuine unless the stock.
holders can make GO per cent Q year
out of it.
A woman will face q frowning
world and cling to the man she loves
through the most bitter adversity
but she wouldn't wear q hat three
weeks behind the style to save the
government.
A Chinese legend says that the foet
of every pair to be united in wedlock
are from infancy tied together with
an invisible thread of silk. This il
the reason why Brigham Young
could not walk until he was fifteen
months old.
docs your sister Annie ever say
anything about me, sissy 2" asked an
anxious lover of little girl. "Yes,'
was the reply "she said if you had
rockers on your shoes, they'd make a
nice cradle for my doll"
Paul knew more about tramps than
the self-styled charitable of the pres
ent day. The Apostle believed "He
that would not work, neither should
he eat" But the gospel is now "He
that will not work, must 60 to the
back door for his breakfast ?"
A Boston paper says: "a butterfly
was caught at the South End yester.
day" 1t may be safe enough to catch
a butterfly at the south end, but when
you grab a wasp, you want to catch
it at the north-easterly end, shifting
westerly toward the head.-Nosvis.
toacn Herald.
i Doctor: "What, your mother
worse Well, l can't understand it
Hasn't she used that large blister
sent?' Child: "Oh, yus, sir; bu,
it took her rare long time fur to eat /,
all, and she says it don't seem to ge
no furderer than her chest. Fun.
The growing custom of putting tn,
choir at the pulpit end of the church
has the very serious drawback that il
prevents a man from turning and
looking up at the organ in a criteca
manner just before the contribution
plate approaches the pew.
1 The spiritualists have called up tn,
ghost of Diogenes, who said he didn'
have much luck while hunting for On
honest man in Athens, but that II h,
were to be reincorporated and lived
in New York he would become direc
tor of an insurance company and the,
put his lamp out.
The French government, realizing
that national and individual prosper
ity are dependent upon the develop
ment of agriculture, have introduced
bill in the Senate making 1t obligs
tory to teach the elements of agricul
ture and horticulture In the 5000
primary schools of the nation.
The story comes from Dead wood tha
a member of q certain church congre
CATION was bowie-knifed by q zealou
deacon for putting counterfeit quar-
in the contribution box, and the ex
cited pastor, without leAving his pull
pit, shot the good deacon creating q
disturbance during divine service.
Talk Of grandeur to q school boy o
the time when the menagerie bant
plays and the elephant walks arount
the ring, but If you want to see four
story ecstasy, step into the bedroom
of a girls reflections when she tight
ems up her corset-strings and lets ou
her frock-hem Of budding woman
bonl Gov thu rcA 4 - e. 1f$o
A Minneapolis boy was sent by hi
teacher, q woman, to the superintend
ent to be whipped. The lad suspect
, cd the contents of the note, and hire,
. boy he met on the street to delive
it, giving him ten cents. The super
intendent did not discover till afte
the castigation was over that the bo
he had fogged had not seen insid
q of the school-house for q month.
!. MackeY, the Californian million
aire, came to this country poor Iris
: boy. Stewart, the New York million
: airc, came to this coutry Q poor Iris
!, boy. We might give other illustra
I tions, but these two are sufficient t
show that our struggling America
youths made q great mistake in no
coming TO this country poor Irisl
boys,-NoyristoWn Herald.
A cotemperary referred in his lo
cal columns to . "bracelet lost by q
estimable young lady in our city,
I and requested the finder to leave
at her residence. The composite
4 set it up "breeches lost" and tn
: proof reader let it 60 at that. Th
young lady says she would not advel
J, tise in that paper again If she WEI
tolose $4,000 worth Of jewelry.
A little boy who went to churc
was told to remember the text whic
: was: "Why stand ye hefe all the da
u idle? Gointo my vineyard and worl
e and whatsoever is right that will
8 pay thee" Johnnie came home an
was asked to repeat the text. II
Q thought it over q while then erie
8 out, "What do you stand round heI
Q doing muffin for? Go into my bari
yard and go to work, and III NAL
~ II vin nhf xuifh xrn,, -