The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-10-18
WIT AND HUM0R.

A TIGHT fit-Delirium tremens.
ARE wagon tracks wheelwritings?
REAL estate conveyances-Dirtc carts
A MILLER has the divine right to bolt.
HOPE is the encouragement of the.
soul.
THE money question" How much is
he worth?"
LOST at sea-The boy who doesn't
know his alphabet past b.
THE same process that makes milk
butter, makes butter-milk.
THE Rural NeU Yorker says: "The
Hessian fly, and no man pursueth.'
No OTHER girls nose itches so much
as that of the one who wears diamond
ring.
WHAT ought skipper to do after
weathering gale? Why, thank his
(s) tars.
WHEN man takes a drink of Jersey
distilled apple juice he reminds one of
Ajax defying the lightning.
I'm choosing wife, be governed by
her chin," says the chronological
Journal. That is just what most hus-
bands object to.
A Too-sENsrrIvE lover in Burke coun-
ty, Georgia, has broken off his engage
ment, because his sweetheart named
her pet calf after him.
WHEN fourteen-pound Bible falls
from the pulpit desk on the toes of the
preacher while he is prayine-well, we
can't tell what his mental reservations
are.
KEEP carriage? No, sir; we can't
afford it; we pay hundred cents on the
dollar It's the fellows that "settle,"
of that kind.
Is THIS the Aims House?" asked
stranger, as he stopped opposite the
Springfield Armory grounds. No, sir,
this is the firearms house." was the
prompt reply.
WHY they call it note shaving" was
because it was way to razor little
money. This is barberous joke, and
photographers must not get their dander
up about it.
AN old maid has cat and canary.
The cat dies first. She has him stuffed,
and places him in the cage of the ca
nary, saying: :" have put the dear
creature where he always desired to be-"
Paris paper.
WE want poets to understand that
their manuscripts written on both sides
will go at once into the waste-basket.
Those written only on one side will be
better treated. We shall carefully pre-
serve them for the use of our paragra-
Breakfast Table. $500
A YOUNG lady hesitating for word in
describing the character of rejected
sutton said, He is not tyrant, not ex-
actly domineering, but" Dog
matte suggested her friend. mo, he
has not dignity enough for that; think
pupmatic would convey my meaning adj
mirably.'
AN Englishman was Boosting to an
American that they had book in the
British Museum which was once owned
torted the American; "in the museum
in Boosting they've got the lead pencil
that Noah used to check off the animals
that went into the ark
A CoMPosIToR on an agricultural pa
per, whose girls father had helped him
down the front steps on the evening
previous, had some copy, entitled "The
Performing Power of Roots" given him
to set up. He composed it in sympathy
with his own feelings, and the next day
the article came out headed, "The Per-
forating Power of Boots"
A LITTLE boy whose father was rather
immoderate drinker of the moderate
kind one day sprained his wrist, and his
mother utilized the whisky in her hus-
bands bottle to battle the little fellows
wrist. After while the pain began to
abate, and the child surprised his mother
by exclaiming, Ma, has pa got sprained
throat?'
LIKE all Rome urchins, a Liberty
street youth, Just ready for his first
trousers, is familiar with Bible history
and careful of his playthings. The other
day he asked his mother whether David,
who killed Goliath, had taken good care
of his playthings. "Oh, certainly" re-
sponded the encouraging parent.
We'll" said the ambitious youth, the
reason why asked was, would like to
borrow David's sling if his folks are will
inQ.-,ROme Sentinel -dl