Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-08-02

than six weeks He took it patiently for {
time, but after having enough he quietly OBJ
served, Il hope you won't never die. ma aam
why ?" she sullenly inquired. Cause tht
body-snatchers will dig you up. sure" "Eh
What's that?" The doctors of this town
would have that jaw of yours if they had to
fight the hull p'leece force !" he softly ex.
claimed as he backed away. She couldn't
help feeling OF her chin as she passed on
Detroit Free Press.
Ball to the bat, /" the vampire said:
As lace to face the foemen stood
Teen the pitcher pitch, and the catcher catch,
And the batter bat as he oughter should,
1 AdCwn the slope whers the fielder fold,
A liner, hot a hornet wung
And stween the optics lit a band,
| As bounteous as q ho.shead's bung
Ambitious people who contemplate start
ing newspapers should first learn some of
the trials publishers are daily called upon to
suffer in silence, about which the world
knows nothing. A few days ago newspaper
clerk sold fifty papers to negro, who prom
ised faithfully to pay for them very soon
The other day the clerk encountered and
dunned him Look here, you freedman.
when are you going to pay for those papers
Don't trouble me, boy, don't trouble me,
replied cuffee, assuming an air of business,
and at the same time getting out of the way.
Use taken ,oith the 5dnk7lptcy-no use to say
muffin more on dat subject.-G Elmira Ga
| zette.
A young man in Cincinnati lost his bride
the other day. She smelt whiskey in his
breath and left him at the altar. fellow
who is too stingy to buy a box OF cachous or
| an ounce of cardamon seeds doesn't deserve
q wife anyway.-[Washington Post.
There was something extremely touching
in the remark made by John Hardy the other
day in q Boston court. "All my wives but
one are dead" He shed tears which We sad
ly fear must be placed to the account OF the
one who didn't die n. Y. Com. Adv.
what is the difference" said she,
Between the moon and you Fy
81 cannot tell, ny treasured one,'
Said he with int'rest new.
"The difference Is this" said she
With satire Of a Junius,
THE moon hath silyery quarters, love,
-Yonkers Gaseis.
so pleased was she with her success
she asked him then once more.
what 10 the difference. ~ says she,
Same question as before,
He gave IT up end queried what
She answered, sparkling bright,
The moon gets full hut once month,
But you DO every night
WHAT THE WITS OF PARIS FIND To SAY IN THEIR
PAPERS.
Young mother, deeply interested in nov
el, but preserving some idea OF her duties as
a mother, TO her eldest born Henrietta,
where is your little sister?
Henrietta-In the next room, ma.
Young mother, turning over page Go and
see what she's doing and tell her to stop it
this minute
It was in the golden prime Of the good
Louis Philippe, when n member of the Cabi-
net sent for an eminent journalist and when
they were alone said unto him, See here,
would you like me to make you ehevalier of
the Legion of Honor p
"Yes," replied the journalist, If l can
obtain the decoration without having to do
anything dishonorable'
Well-he didn't get it.
l. Being at a cafe and desiring to pay for
his beer guest gives the waiter 20-frano
piece. II. The waiter promptly returns
with l0.franc gold piece and silver for the
rest. III. The guest gives him back the 10
franc piece, saying, Give me two 5-franc
pieces for that please ". The waiter
rings the gold coin on the table and says.
apologetically You know there are so many
counterfeits out these times that we have to
be on our guard.
Two Bohemians, one of whom is going to
try to get himself asked to dinner, while his
companion has not even that slender re-
source, meet on the Boulevard, growing
about the hard times.
You needn't complain" says the second,
perhaps you will dine tonight
"Aye," replies the other, Il may, and yet
again | mayn't, whereas you know you wont,
and know what to expect, and that's where
you have the advantage of me-"
The frightful exactions of the coachInen |
lar, l,,nt ,ha 10
mortal.
On Sunday, at the sorties of the Exposi- |
ton, good bourgeois halls a coachman and |
asks him most respectfully to conduct him
to his domicile
1T will be 10 francs, my master" says the |
coachman, with touching familiarity.
Ten francs? Listen, my friend ; let us
split the difference You get inside, and |
I'll get on the box and drive You there for |
FIVE"
From La Iie Parismns Absence is the |
greatest of evils when it isn't the best Of |
remedies --Tenderness is the genius of
simple minds. If passion knows no obsta-
cles, tenderness knows no bounds. Passion |
is the attribute of soul which no longer |
controls itself tenderness that of heart |
which no longer belongs to itself know
not which Of the twain lifts man the higher,
r
others, gentleness ont of himself.--A wo- |
man, especially mother, never can believe
that the object Of her tenderness is unworthy
of her esteem she thinks to lift him TO her
level by lowering herself to his-As rule
a woman writes well when she writes for her
self or her friends because she writes what
she feels the trouble is that when she comes
to address herself to the public she will write
what she imagines she thinks.
The colonel, a rigid martinez. is sitting Al
the window OF his room when looking ont
he sees a captain crossing the barrack-yard
towards the gate. Looking at him closely
he is shocked to observe that, the rules and
regulations to the contrary notwithstanding
the captain does not carry a sword.
Captain = he calls from the window "Hi
Captain step up to my room for q moment
will yout"
The captain obeys promptly, borrows a
sword of the officer of the guard, the guard
room being at the foot Of tho stairs, and
presents himself to the colonel in irreproach-
able ienue.
The colonel is somewhat surprised to see
the sword in its place and, having to invent
some preteKt fol calling his subordinate back,
says, with some confusion. 81 beg your par
don, captain, but really I've forgotten what
it was | wanted to speak TO you about. How
portant it'll keep. Good morning
The captain shlutes departs. returns the
sword to its owner and is making of across
the barraek- yard, when he again comes with
in the range Of the colonel's vision.
The colonel rubs his eyes. stares, says
softly to himself "How IN thunder is this
Dem it, he hasn't sword to his waist -
then calls aloud, Captain Ho, captain
one moment, please"
The captain returns, borroWs the sword
again, mounts the stairs and enters the colo
nels presence. His commanding officer
stares at him intently he has sword he
sees it, he hear it clank
Captain, he stammers growing very hot,
'lts deuced ridiculous, you know, but-ha
ha I'd just remembered what wanted to
say to you, anu now-ha ha AIS gone out
my head again Funny, isn't it? Ha ha
ha Losing my memory. Never mind. I'll
think of it and write you Good morning."
The captain salutes, departs, returns the
sword to its owner and makes for the gate
As he crosses the barrack-yard, tine colonel
calls his wife to side and says, "See that
officer out theref'
Yes
HAS he got a sword on"
The colonels wife adjusts her eye-glass
upon him, scans him keenIy and says, "He
hasn't a taste of sword
The colonel That's lust where you fool
yourself! He has -
Man is an animal that cannot long be left
in safety without occupation the growth OF
his fallou natura ia ant In run info xvaada