The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-06-29
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

majestic difference III weight DetWeeh lhe pu'.
end of a fish. pole and hOe-handle.
A man was Dragging about how much he could
stand, but when a red-nosed man standing b,
asked if he could stand treat, he weakened ant
was silent.
The profanity of California is picturesque. Ono
editor says another is "a cock-eyed pelican Of
perdtion" 1t seems difficult, however, If moi
impossible.
As clothes. pins can now be bought for1two
cents per dozen, there is no longer any excuse
for hanging linen pants on the line by khot III
the legs.-Lttroh Fres Press.
Baltimore Every Saturday shrieks, give us
whisky or give us death" Why not try Peoria
whisky and make one job of it!
It is said that If you thrash potato-vines with a
gold.headed cane the bugs will make haste for
other scenes A potato bug can't go style no.
how
Nevada politician was elected on The merits
of one single speech All he said was; Fellow
countrymen follow to yon saloon!"-Detroa Free
Press.
The Rev. Jasper says that the moon is "a dis
quoted mass of Opaque coniagruity," and it
seem as if he had really struck the right thing
now.
The latest astronomical calculations bring the
sun 500 900 miles nearer the earth than the earlier
ones At this rate the time will come when sun
struck man will be able to strike back.
No one who saw the Strawberries brought to
Amboy Yesterday by w. f. Brown, OF Sublctte,
would doubt the superiority of the "Coi. Chcc
ney;" some of them measured nine lnchcs III cir
cumference.-A n6oy J01ndL
About the size of pint cup. Couldn't take OFF
an inch now, to obligeY
An exchange says: "By eating Paris green
mixed with flour, which had been dumped by the
side OF a fance. Thomas Mcconnell recently lost
twenty-five valuable sheep" 1t is astonishing
that Thomas didn't die. What allied the sheep?
The London Spectator, referring to the troops
from India gives the latest form of the famous
lingo rhyme, as follows;
We don't want to fight; but, by lingo, II we do,
We won't 90 to the front ourselves, bat we'll
send the mild llindoo
Joseph Cook renders the old saying: Sauce
for goose, sauce for gander," as follows "Thosc
culinary adornments which suffice for the ansc
rine female are adequate to meet the wants of the
masculine adult Of the same species. "-Ne,C York
Graphic.
"a speech that was thick with the dust of trav
ell" is the way an exchange romantically cx-
presses it,. We think that speech must have
come from the tongue OF II wagon. zig.
Yes, Vaughn tongue, to be sure.
Professor somebody delivered lecture in Chi
cago the other evening on "Thc Hands and Feet"
If he meant the hands and feet Of Chicago he
certainly had massive subject to handle,
The Sweet Singer of Michigan has touched her
Tyre again and produced the following;
This Potter investigation are II fraud
Hayes will keep his seat
He is man tho people really loves,
Although John Sherman is dead beat
The last line show how even the most cxubcr
ant Imagination may bow to the majesty of sim
pie lact.-N Y. Sun.
The boy stood on the burning deck;
He'd Il notion fur TO swim,
His father cried In accents wild:
MY boy, wipe Off your chin"
The flames crept closer round the boy,
And bathcd his heaving chest,
He yelled, as overheard he went
Old man, pull down your vest.
Mr. Pilgildcr went home the other night anct-
ed with double vision He sat for some time
with his sleepy gaze riycted on Mrs. Pilgder,
and then quietly remarked: "Well (hicl | hope
rhollcr If You two gals don't look enur alike TO
be (hic) twins"
One day a clergyman dned with the family,
and Willie asked to be allowed to say grace,
which he did, with bowed head and clasped
hands, IN these words:
Pm a little turly head,
My favor is u pweecher;
] do TO tool ev'y day,
And always mind my teacher.
For Twists sake. Amen"
Beautiful beautifulr' murmured the guest,
soemnly raising his head
81 fear you did not understand Willie" said
his mamma, much annoyed.
81 did not" replied the clergyman, "but the
angels did"
For a low cut, double distilled, extra brand Of
b. ., popularity commend us To the following
"wcck invention" Of some provincial prcyarica-
tor: An American lady while at Rome, managed
to secure an invitation to a court ball, and while
there was approached by Prince IIumbcrt--now
kng-who addressed her some polite speech.
She did not rise, as is etiquette but pointed with
her fan to a vacant chair near, aud said: ''You
must be tired, prince; won't you set down and
rest your troters awhilc" 1t was the last court
ball she attended.
FIAT Lux
What Is il sheds mellow light
About my sanCtum in the night,
And makes the glOominess all brighty
Coal oil
What was it skywar9 Bridget hove,
When in the carly morn she strove
To start the fire within the stovcg
Coal oil
ST. Louis Journdl
What is it that makes the lurking gloom
Perccptibe all around the room,
And smells like some Old Roman tomb?
The gas.
What j. il when the month is done,
Sends me a bill for sixteen hun
bred dollars, lawful, ready mon
EyY Gas.
let him lux; who's doing anything.
-HGrkey