Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1878-03-06
Tho Girls-Advice Josh Billings has to
Give Them.


Dear girls, are you in search of a
husband?
That is pumper and you are not re-
quested to say Eyes" out aloud, but are
expekted tew throw yure eyes down
onto the earth as tho you was looking
for pin, and reply tew the int terroga-
tory with kind of draulin sigh.
Not tew press so tender a theme until
it bekums a thorn in the flesh, we will
presume (tew avoid argument) that you
are on the lookout for something in the
male line. Let me give yu sum small
chunks ov advice how to spot your
future husband:- -
1. The man who is jellous ov every
little attenshun which you get from
some other fellow yu will find after WI
are married to him he luvs himself more
than he duz yu, and what yu mistook
for solissitude yu will discover has
changed TO indifference.
Jellosy isn't heart diseze it is liver
complaint.
2. A mustash is not indispensable IL
is only little more hair, and is much
like moss and other excressences-often
doz the best on sile that won't raise
anything else. Don't forget that those
things which you admire in a fellow
before marriage you will probably dis
like in husband after, and 4 mustash
will get to be very week diet after 3
long time.
3. If husbands could be took on trial
as Irish cooks are, two thirds ov them
would probably be returned; but there
don't seem to be emmy law for this
Therefore, girls. yu will see that after
yu git man yu have got tew keep him,
even if yu loz on him. Consequently,
if yu have got emmy kOld vittles in the
house, try him on them once in while
during securing season, and if he swsl-
lers them well and sez he will take sum
more, he liz man who, when blue
Monday Gums, will wash well.
4. Don't marry pheller who is
alwus tellin how his mother dOz things.
1t liz two hard to weeD a yung one.
.. If young man can beat yu play
ng on piannOr and kant hear fish
horn playing on the street without
turning a summerset on account of the
musick that is in him, l say 10 leave
him; he might answer 10 tend baby,
and if yu set him hOeing out the garden
yu will find that yu have got TO do it
yourself. A man whoze whole heft
lies in musick and not too hefty at that
isn't no better than 4 sedlItz powder;
but if he luvs to listen while yu sing
som gentle ballad, yu will lind him
mellow and not soft. But don't marry
ennybody for just one virtue emmy
quicker than yu would 1op man for
jist ore fault.
6. Ii is one of the most tuiFest things
for female to be an old maid success
fully. A great many has tried it and
made bad job of it and had hard time.
Everybody seems TO look upon old maids
jist as they do upon dried herbs iii the
garret-handy for siekness-and there
fore, girls, it amt mistake that yu
shud be willing to swOp yourself oph
with some true hearted phellow for a
husband. The swop il Il good one; but
don't swop for any man who IL respee-
table jist because his father il. You
had better be an old maid for 4 900 years
and then join the Shakers than tew buy
repentance at this price. No woman
ever made this trade who didn't get
either phOol, mean euss or i clown
for husband.
z. In digging down into this subject
L find the digging goes harder the
further get. It is much easier tew in
form yu VINO not TO take, for the reason
there il more of them.
l don't think you will foller my ad-
vice if give it, and, therefore, will
keep it, for l look upon advice as do
upon castor ile-a mean dose to give
and a mean dose to take. But must
say one thing, girls, or spile. Ii you
can find a bright eyed, well ballusted
boy, who looks upon poverty az sassy
az child looks upon wealth-who had
rather sit down upon the eurbstone in
front OF the Fifth Avenue Hotel and eat
a ham sandwich than go inside and run
in debt for his dinner and toothpick-
and who is i man with that sort of
pluck that mistakes defeat for victory
mi advise is TO take him body and soul
snare him at onst, for he is a stray
trout, a breed very skarse in our waters.
Take him, say, and bid ONO him as
hornets build on tree