The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-11-16
VARIETY.

fhh1G1 L
4 cow bell-The milk maid.-Boston Com
Bulletin.
When is a jealous husband like cat I? When
''he smells rat"
To sleep in your clothes spoils the nap.-AL
baHy Argus.
What is the best name for waiter? Why,
COmming, sir, Of course.
The puffed-up egotist who says a woman can
not do anything so well as 4 man has never seen
her pack a trunk
Chicago lady complains of the unremitting
love of an absent husband. He never sends her
any money.
Some people maintain that high hat doesn t
become all men, but it seems to US that a
'' stove-pIpe" ought to SCOT everybody.
The Augusta (Ga.) Chronicle says that Alex
ander H. Stephens was speaking at Lexington
when. becoming slightly exhausted, he drew
from his pocket little vial of whiskey, from
which he took the gentess sip, and resuming his
speech, said, - Yes, fellow citizens, this is the
true democracy
You boys ought to be very kind to your
little sister, said moralist. 81 knew
little boy who struck his sister blow over the
eye. q EAlthOugh she didn't slowly pine away and
die in the early summer time, when the June
roses were blowing, with words of sweet for
him over the head with the rolling-pin. So that
he couldn't 90 to Sunday school for more than
month on account of not being able to put his
best hat on"
To find out whether garden has been planted
or not, paper gives the following rule " Ii
one fOrgets whether beds are planted or not,
good way to tell is to turn n stray cat into the
garden. If the beds are planted, the cat will
proceed to race round and dig into them, and
act as if it had relatives in China 1t was anxious
to get at while, if they are not, 1T Will sit
down calmly in the path and seem to be medlta-
ting the progress of missionary work In
Africa A cats instinct seldom deceives IN this
matter"
Some people who are in the habit of breaking
their word when it is inconvenient TO keep 1t,
and are not pricked in their conscience thereby,
make a great point of their honor when they
mak6a promise which they would like to keep.
Herod made oath to give the daughter OF
Herodas whatever she might ask, and when
she demanded the head of John the Baptist he
sighed, heavily, said he couldn't break his word
and sent some one out to behead John. a
little Sunday school girl, while ponderlng over
the story, said, 81 guess If she had asked for
his own head, Herod would not have felt himself
obliged to keep his word )" and possibly she was
not far from truth
London World :-'' When a lady and gentle
man are riding together the gentleman should be
on the near and not on the off side of the lady.
With the gentleman on the near side the lady
runs the risk, If he be bad rider, of an OCCASION
al jOstle from man or horse and If the going is
muddy her habit gets splashed by the action OF
the gentleman's horse. On the other hand, her
companion riding on the near side could protect
her from far more likely, more frequent and more
disagreeable risks of being jostled and his right
hand would be free and handy in case OF her
horse becoming awkward and requiring strong
hand on the rein There occurs ope remark
that the near side is not eligible as the off side
for the efficient pursuit of that most seductive
and dangerous amusement spooning on horse
back
PLAIN Talk TO a GIRL.-Your everyday toilet
is part of your character. \ girl who looks
like fury or Il sloven in the morning is not
to be trusted, however finely she may look in
the evening. No matter how humble your room
NAV be, there are eight things it should contain,
viz; a mirror, washstand, soap, towel. comb,
hair, nail and tooth brushes. These Just as
essential as your breakfast, before which you
should make good and free use of them. Parents
who fail to provide their children with such ap-
pIiances not only make a great mistake, but
commit a sin of omission. Look tidy In the
morning and after the dinner work is over i'm
prove your toilet. Make IL rule of your daily
life to - dress up in the afternoon. Your dress
may or not be anything better than calico, but
with ribbon or flower or some bit OF ornament,
YOU can have air Of selErespect and satisfac-
ton that invariably comes with being we'll
dressed.
4 MIxIN' OF BABIEs.-Some time ago there
was dancing party given in a certain neighbor-
hood IN Texas, and most of the ladies present had
little babies, whose noisy perversty required too
much attention to permit the mothers to enjoy
the dance. number of gallant young men
volunteered to mind the young ones while the
parents INDUCED in an old Virginia breakdown.
No sooner had the women left the babies in
charge of the mischevous devils than they strip
ned the babies, changed their clothes. giving the
apparel of one to another. The dance over, 1t
was time to 20 home, and the mothers hurriedly
took each baby in the dress of her own and
started, some to their homes ten or fifteen miles
of. and were far their way before daylight.
But the day following there tremendous
row In the settlement mothers discovered that a
single night had changed the sex of their babies,
observation disclosed physical phenomena, and
then commenced some of the taiest female pedest-
rianism living miles apart it required two or
three DAYS to unmix the babies, and as many
months to restore the women to their natural
sweet disposition. To this day it is unsafe fol-
any of tho baby mixers to venture into the
susghborhood.
q