St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-09-27
Squibs.

the upper crust doesn't live on 1t, either.
An Irishman called his pig Maud, be-
cause it would come into the garden.
How to make match safe. Soak the
head of the match in water.
A western woman who lost two hus-
bands 10y lightning was advised to mar
ry conductor.
The Philadelphia Press believes that
the bowling of "a dog always brings
death. Not always; sometimes the old
gun don't go off as fast as the dog
Detroit Free Press.
On being asked why he went into
bankruptcy, he replied ''Well, my Ii
abilities were large, my liabilities nu-
merous, and my probabilities unprom-
lsing, and so | just thought I'd do as
my neighbOrs do, you know"
"Well, Hans," was said to a ward pol
itician recently, chow are political mat
ters 7" ''Pve cot enough of bolitics,n
was the answer. 'I goes for pest man,
now, and l will vote for nigger if he
ish only white man."
woman being told that some tables
in the Russian department of the new
French Exposition were being made of
malachite, exclaimed "My goodness
l thought Malachite was one of the
prophets"
''Pve just dropped in," as the fly said
to the coffee.
An artist was once engaged to paint
for cathedral the crossing of the Red
Sea by the lsraeites. After time the
picture was completed and hung, and
great crowd Of people assembled to see
1T unveiled. But, 10 ! when the curtain
was drawn aside, nothing could be seen
but wide expanse of water. In a rage
the bishop turned to the artist and ex-
claimed: 81 thought l asked you to
paint picture of the Israelites crossing
the Red Sea-" "True for Won: that's
just it," said the painter. '!But where
are the Israelites ?" asked the indignant
bishop. "They'Ie gone over,n said the
painter. "Well, but where are the
Egyptians 9'' "They're gone under.n
An Englishman was riding OH Con-
tinental railway, when a sudden halt
and a loud report informed the passen-
gers that some accident had happened.
Every one else rushed out, of course. to
see what was the matter, but he sat
TRANQUILITY, as if not at all interested in
anything beyond his own thoughts.
Presently person came up and inform
ed him that the engine had burst its
boiler. "Awew Then came another,
saying that there were fifteen killed.
The Englishman still sat unmoved, and
grunted out another "awe!" But, fl
nally, third messenger ran up in great
haste, and said, "My dear, sir, your
valet has been blown into a hundred
pieces !" Awe" was the response
'Just bring me the piece that contains
the key to my portmanteau ~
Not long since San Antonio colored
darkey did some whitewashing for a
man living in ward No. 5. On paving
for the job the employer paid off Nose,
for that was the darkey's name, in Mex
lean quarters at par. 1t was several
days before Nose found out they were
only worth twenty cents. Nose was
very much hurt about it. "Jess to
think of Colonel Jones cheatin' dis hard
working niggah Outen thirty cents.
Foah God, wud neber hab believed it
on him. | hadn't Orter TUX de job in de
fust place." And then he added more
cheerfully: "But eff | hadn't white
washed de fence 1 neber would hab
found out whar all dem chicken roasted
what sold next morning for dollar.
De banks hadn't cOtch up wild dis mig
gah yet, heah heah!"
The teacher of Sabbath school class
we wot of, during the recitation of re-
cent Sabbath school lesson, called upon
one of his scholars to read the third
verse of the sixth chapter of Daniel,
from which the lesson was taken. The
verse reads, '"Then this Daniel was pre-
ferred above the presidents and princes,
because an excellent spirit was in him
and the king thought to set him over
the whole realm" The scholar, not
being the most correct of readers, gave
the verse rendering different some
what from our translation, but which
epitomized the lesson and revealed the
courage of the Prophet in manner that
would do credit to many wise man.
He read: "Then this Daniel was pre-
terred above the presidents and princes,
because an excellent SPINE was in him y
This is the truth of the matter. Daniel
had an excellent spine" in him. 1t is
what Christians need to-day. We NAV
well pray that God will give us the
spirit and backbone of Daniel. That
boy read better than he knew Sum
day Magdsine.
A New York clergyman says he
doesn't know himself. He should get
nominated and run for political office
If he wants to be told all about himself
and more too. The newspapers and
speakers on the other side would crowd
more astonishing and awful things into
his pedigree than he ever dreamed of.
He would be surprised to learn that he
starved his grandfather to death, and
threw his grandmother down an old
well.-NOrriStoDn Herald.
She was Boston girl. She was Wis
iting her Whitehall country cousin.
While walking out, several butterflies
passed her. "Oh dear me, what charm
ing little birds. They are perfectly ex-
qulsite." "They are not birds my DEAR
replied her country cousin, ''they are
butterflies" ''Oh, you don't say So
Then these are the deah little creatures
that fly from flower to flower and gath
er the sweet yellow butter that we use 4
They are too lovely for anything p
WhiteheU Times.
Bishop James wit :-One day young
man preached before the confere1ca oT
Lots wife. He had poor time; ono,
or twice it seemed that he would breal
completely down. He saw the old
bishop before him, and that made mat.
ters worse. "Bishop, what do yo,
think was the matter with me tbi,
morning. l can do great deal bette,
than that" 'Quite likely. TroubI,
was in your subject. You had bette
let women alone. L never knew an,
good come to a Methodist minister from