Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1878-05-04

came home and filled the solemn
house with sunlight and laughter
again.
The morning after her return to
Burlington she took down the pho
II WONDER" she said, "what we
said last in its hearing? 1t must
have been something while we were
my visit. Or maybe it
has caught some of your poor, long
ing meanings while ] was aW ly.o
And then she turned the crank.
"No," croaked the monograph,
in tones of hearty reinsurance, "no
danger of that; she's safe in Keokuk
for three days; saw her safely off,
myself, this morning. Light your
cigar while I light another lamp
and make the room look cheerful"
"Why," exclaimed Mrs. Bar
stinglow, with countenance Of
amazement, "what on earth is it
saying?"
"Oh, some nonsense some of your
visitors have talked into it some
time or other" replied her hus-
band, nervOusly; "peOple talk all
kinds of stuff into monograph,
you know. They say anything for
talk"
Mrs. Barstinglow, looking half
cOntented, gave the crank another
turn.
"This is good whisky, Barsty,"
calculated the machine, very earn
estly. "You don't get it in Burling-
ton, do you ?''
Mrs. Barstinglow gave a little
shrek.
"My DEAR" said her husband,
looking now quite as worried as he
had looked when he was begging
her not to go to KeOkuk. ''put it
away; somebody has had it out in
the stable, and it might say some
thing shocking, you know. Put it
away"
But Mrs. Barstinglow, upon whom
the spirit of investigation had de
scended with great power, ground
away, and the monograph, in a
voice marvellOusly like her hus-
bands went remorselessly on.
"NOt much; they don't make this
kind now. It's some old MOnOnga-
hela, copper distilled, that Mrs.
Barstinglow's mother gave her for
medicinal purposes three years ago.
Fill up, there's plenty of it, and |
can replace it with any kind of bev-
erage when it's gone. The old girl
won't know the difference"
Mrs. BarstinglOw felt herself turn
ing to stone, but the next turn of
the crank brought out an uproar-
iOus-
"Ha, ha, ha Here's to the o. g.!'
That famed her cheeks into a
flame.
"For mercy's sake, Malachi Bars
tinglow," she shrieked, "what does
this mean ?'
Mr.. Barstinglow now looked as
though he really did wish she had
never gone to Keokuk.
"It's just as l tell you," be said,
with an effort to look uncOncerned
that was like a humorous book, a
colossal success, so far as its utter
failure was concerned; somebody
has been talking all sorts of nonsense
into it Just for talks sake. How
else could it get hold of such dread
full stuff in our dear little home,
lovey ?"
Mrs. Barstinglow didn't say, but
she turned away and the phon0-
graph asked, carelessly-
"ThrOW round for the deal 2"
She thought she would faint, but
she didn't, and the pitiless machine
proceeded to remark, with variety
of voices:
"It's my CO." "YOu'll have to
straddIe that blind if you COmein."
"Give me two cards." "Chip one"
"I'H see your little one and raise
YOU a couple" "Push the bottles
this way, Ben" "Ain't you going
to stay in, Harry?'' Cant stay in
on a pair of SKIES" "Call you"
"Two small pair, kings to head"
"Tens and deuces. Take the pot. :"
"Bartsy, get us something to eat.
Old girl left the cupboard keys,
didn't she?" eyes, told her l was
going to keep bach, at home, TO
save expenses and keep out of bad
company" "Ha, ha, hal! Ho!
no! hO!!!
"Oh! yelled Mr.. Barstinglow,
unable to contain himself any
longer, while his wife, more dead
than alive, leaned over the phonO-
graph and ground away at the
crank, in q dazed kind Of way.
sob, keep it up! That's right !!
Keep her a-gOing! Grind tall out !!
Confound the diabolical piece of
black art and the vile assassin that
invented it. Keep it up! That's
right! Believe a senseless, diabOli-
cal piece of mOnstrOuS mechanism
rather than your husband. Keep
her a-going! Keep it up!
And Mrs. BarStinglOw did keep
it up. S3e kept it up and listened
to that photograph swear and shout
and howl she heard it shrek, ooh,
my eye, my eyeW She heard it
tell some one to let some one else
"have it again in the same place; :"
she heard it warn somebody to
"hOld his head over the stove hearth
and not let his nose bleed on the
carpet" and at last, as it assured
her very thickly and with some diff
ficulty, that it was "a BAN of jOrry
gOOf fuf-fuf-fellOws," and that it
"wOn'-hic won G. ONE till morn
ing" she ground it into silence, and
sank back, speechless and breath
less, while Mr.. BarstinglOw took
the photograph out into the back
yard and smashed it into so many
and such small fragments that it
wouldn't reproduce steamboat
whistle.
And now, when people go over to
the Barstinglow's to spend a pleas
ant evening, and happen to say,
''What have you done with the
phonOgraph, Dir. BarstinglOw?" it
affords the visitors entertainment
for the rest of the evening to study
the different expressions which creep
over the faces of Mr.. and Mrs. Bars
tinglOW, while Mr.. BarstinglOW, as
he answers the question, thinks he
would give ten thousand dollars if
he could find out how the members
Of the Photographers Association tell
lies so easily and make them sound
so marvellOusly like the truth.
ACCIDENTALLY INNOCENT.
No lawyer likes going into court
with thoroughly bad case, yet how