The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-06-20
Wit and HumOr.

Steak-Nely Tafe.
A DUrcHMAN repeated the adage, "Birds
nit one feather goes nit demselves."
A NEW story, 10y Mrs. Hoey, is entitled,
"All or Nothing" About Il lawyer, We
suppose.
MAN lives not in the p,esent but in the
future. AT A. NJ. he looks for noon; at
1 p. NJ. he begius to sigh for o'clock.
THERE ought to be some way of utiiz-
ing the tramps. Even alligator hides are
worth seventy-fve cents each in Louisi-
ana.
THERE may be slime for every
thing" but the time to finish the Wash
ington monument has never been dis
| covered.
| THERE were gang of gypsics in town
the other day. TO II man with only one
| shirt a gypsy is an Object of dreamy con-
| temptation.
A COLUMBUS man says he started in
thirty years ago to make 81 100000 He
has got the fourteen, but the ciphers
bother him.
IT isn't the supremacy of the capital
lists that the disaifected classes ia this
country object to so much rs working be-
tween meals.
THE subject of New Haven mans
address was, "What shall we live on.m
We didn't get the particulars, but we
think it is eggs.
A PIUTE chief owns a high silk hat,
and is so careful of it that, his hut being
leaky, he keeps il covered with skins in
hole in the ground.
a NEW YORK Irshman who had a pup
and a large dog, cut two holes in the
kennel, one big one for the dog, and
little one for the pup.
A MAN was walking along a Chicago
street singing, Heaven is my home"
Don't you feel homesickW yelled a
small boy who passed him.
PEOPLE who attempt to cut boarding
house piecrust with fork, should re-
member that time thrown away can never
be recalled.-OU city Derrick.
Bob INGERsoII. says "Woman has
the right to do as she pleases.' Well,
whether she has or not, that's exactly
what she does-if she's married
f. BURp CRUDE is captain of militia
company in Philadelphia. Won't the
American eagle scream when it sees Burd
Grub that it cannot cat. - Worcester
Press
4 ToM-CAT is q more independent ami.
NAL than man. When a man comes home
at 2 or O'Clock in the morning he slips
in as quietly as possible, but tom-cat
don't seem to care. The later the hour,
and the nearer the house it approaches,
the louder it will yell.
THE sexton Of parish church in county
Armagh was about to lose his wife. She
| begged him to bury her in Tyrone,
among her own Kindred forty miles
away. Indeed, Peggy" said he, "rll
try yc here; but if you give any trouble,
III take ye up and bury ye in Tyrone"
A BRrDeEPoRr man has been twenty
years peItecting machine to enable him
to fly over Niagara Falls. Itwould have
been cheaper, we think, to have taken 10
the bridge.
JEM MACE says that although the God
dess of Liberty on the new dollar seems
to be in very good training he will fight
her for the championship of America,
and afterwards tend bar for her.-Nee
York Herald.
"JoHS, said poverty stricken man 70
his son, 1--WE made my will today"
! "Ah" replied John, "you were literal to
me, no doubt" "Ycs, John, came
down handsome. I've wilcd you the
whole State of Virginia-to make liv-
ing in, with the privilege of going else
where if you can do better"
! A GERMAN peasant, in early railway
| days, was taken to see the performance
of locomotive. He had never known
carriages to be moved except by animal
power. Every other explanation failed
| to make the matter clear to him. After
! long reflection, therefore, and seeing no
possible escape from the conclusion, con
| iidently, to his companion, there must
be horses inside."
Mr.. WHEELER of New Hampshire
who died worth $1,000 seems b have
been pleasant sort of man. His will
says "Expend il all on my tombstone"
-Er. Some Of the heirs have already
| filed objections to this, and the money
will probably be expended on the law
yers. Mr.. Wheeler will be extremely
! fortunate if he gets a hemlock slab for
| tombstone.-OR City Derrick
Mr.. BARSUM insists that animals won't
drink whisky. And what does this prove,
Phineasl Do they know how to waltz,
or to sing, or to conduct law suits, or TO
preach sermonsl Do they wear high hats
and insist on new bonncts for Easterl Do
they Durcnusc milk M six cents "A ouar,