The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-04-25
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

EMERSON defines q weed as "a plant
whose virtues have not yet been dis
covered"
A BAD marriage is like an electric
machine makes you dance; but you
can't let 60.
ENGLAND may be "mistress of the
c." but she has never yet been able to
fairly master the HIS.
WHICH is the king of treesp A
straight fir. Whyp Because it is fir
strate. That's all.-Philadclphia Bull
letin.
IT is the Boston Post that says "Lent
is the season set apart by the church
for the female members to get their
dresses ready for Easter"
1.-THE book trade is affected, snp.
pose, by the general depression. What
kind of books feel it most?' "Pocket-
books" was the laconic reply.
MARY BROWN, of New York, has Just
kicked fellow to death, but we trust
the mule will still be permitted to en-
Joy the monopoly.-Rochester Democrat.
A LITTLE Florida boy tanned an ALL
gator, and the ugly reptile learned 70
ike the little fellow-not, however. un-
til the little fellow was all gone. -WoV.
cester Press.
EVERY cloud has q silver lining"
But that is no consolation, after all,
when you reflect that things are never
worn with the lining side out.-Burlino>
ton Hasck-Eye.
A CRYING wANT-To come down 10
actual business, what the country i'm
peratively demands is more Honorary
Commissioners 10 the Paris Exposition.
-Nes0 Orleans Times.
The Bible says: "Of all things, wis
dom is profitable to q man." And
that's why man never ventures to call
his wife q bald-headed old woman Q
second time.-Graphic.
The Wisconsin Legislature has re-
fused to make insanity q cause for di-
vorce. 1t believes that if ever a man
wants q wife it is when he is crazy, OF
words to that effect Graphic.
LOVE sometimes flies with leaden
wings. She: my dear, we've been
married just a year to-day; it seems
longer than that to me-" He: Eyes,
love, so it has to me, all along. IN 7.
Graphic.
The Cincinnati Enquirer remarks
that if two men marry two sisters It
does not make them brothers-in-law.
If they both live in the same house it
does not make them happy, either
Chicago Tribune.
The reason for q girls not being able
TO throw anything with the accuracy Of
. boy Is that her collar-b0ne is several
inches longer and some inches lower
down, and this interferes with the free
action of the shoulders. Juno.
WHEN you see a woman balancing
herself on one foot, kicking the other
wildly out behind her, and skillfully
swoop up in her hand fan-tail train,
don't he alarmed; she isn't going to
have q fit-she is about to cross q
gutter.
IT was about this time of the year
that Eve made the remark which has
been handed down through SO many
generations: 1--WE can never be any.
body if we don't 90 to some watering
place, and you know it, Adam; yet you
have the audacity to sit there and talk
of hard times. "-E1change.
An exchange has an article telling
How matches are made" We sup
posed everybody knew it was by taking
young man and young woman, equal
parts, and let them sit up together
about six months, telling them few
times in this interval that they should
never have each other. Still there may
be other ways we haven't heard Of
Chicago Times.
In the manufacture of cotton and WOOL
en- goods in New England ninety hands
now in sixty hours do the work that 256
hands did in seventy-six and a half hours
fifteen years ago. and though their wages
have increased 40 per cent, the cost Of
manufactured articles has been greatly
reduced. 1t costs three and q half cents
per yard to make calico, and Wamsutta
goods are now sold in the London mar.
let.
AN electrician in Austin, New, has
devised an Improvement ON the
telephone, which he calls the "kisso-
graph" This internal novelty makes
It possible for an absent husband to
pass oscillations to wife-0r, horrible
thought! to anyone else-though miles
and miles intervene. Happy limitation,
however. The Reveille says: ITO
make use of it for kissing another mans
wife disarranges the instrument and
creates current which sets the steam
whistles to blowing and the lire-bells 10
ringing"
"WHY, my dear, what is the matterp
What can YOU me0nP YOu look m de-.
pressed. II cannot be-and yet-oh,
relieve this killing suspense! Alexan-
der, have you failedp'' said his wife,
with clasped hands. "No, my dear;
my credit is yet unimpaired. and bust.
ness is looking up" You can't mean
to say, dear, that your old pain in the
head has come back" "No." "You
haven't had 10 pay the note for your
brother JosephP' "No." "Have
you-now tell me, Alexander Bidlack,
have you had another attack of YER
tigoa" "No." "Has your cashier
broken his Murphy pledgeP" mo"
"N0w know-I expected i'll knew
1t all the time-I felt sure it would be
20. Mr.. Debonair has asked for Sara
phinae' mo. nothing of the kind. :"
"Then tell me, without waiting another
minute, what has happened; can bear
It; let me know the worst" well,
that button I told you about has got
tired Of hanging ON by one thread, sn1
here it is."-Einsiro Gasette.
The United States Consult General at
Berlin sends to the Department of
State . copy Of the last annual report
of the Commissioner of Emigration of
the German Umpire for 1877. The to-
tai number of emigrants is stated at
N.759, rs against 50.577 in 1876. The
immigration to New York, Baltimore
and New Orleans was 3O,OS8. One
half the immigrants were Germans,
and the remainder were made up of
Rpssiags, Austrians, Danes and Swedes.