The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-01-05
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

orally look dcvilish bluc.-EI.
The man who carries cane under his arm
with the point projecting toward the best eye OF
The man who happens to follow him, is an ire.
deemable loafer. Now put that in your eye and
smoke it; that is, ii you can smoke it with you
eye
Senator Oglcsby was made, not born, poet.
When visiting Gava, H., Mrs. Meade, Il
charming lady, asked him for his autograph, and
he took his pen quickly and wrote
Those who come to America
Should be naturaiZcd;
Those who 90 to Galya
Must be Galvanized.
This is my first attempt at poetry. Yours, &c,
r. j. OGLEsBY.
yes" said Chicago girl, 81 weighed 40
pounds, but when Rignold glued his eyes on me
weighed only seven and half" This is from
the RTdId'S personal Intelligence man
who, when he was born, weighed seven pounds
and half, but who, when the Almighty glued
his ears onto him. weighed 140.-Chdcogo Tji-
bnHe.
Mr.. Smith has arrived in town, and is we'll
Dttron FIRE. Press.
No, sir; Smith is in Burlington, blind drunk
Ha,rkeyc.
What base SANDER Smith is here as sober
as usual.-Dmbuy Nc'rs.
All you fellows are mistaken. We saw Smith
at the coorcd church with his family of black
Smiths.-PdtSblHy Gd1tte-
That's another Smith is here, suspected Of
horse stcang.-M. LouiS Times.
Worse and worse. Every man in Toledo
knows that Smith Is here, and lust going to be |
married.-Biade.
Still laundering. Smith is here, already mar.
ried, and wishing he wasn't.--No,risto,cn Fyce
Press
We sympathizc with Smith, but he is not in
bp l.. in ford nd Ia, toll
COirdnt.
That's piece Of current news that We know to
DC false. We saw Smith Git was before our din
ncr too and he was anXously inqurjng where
TO direct a letter that would reach any member Of
the old wing party. He was advised to send it to
Aleck. Stephens Baltimore Sun
Gentlemen, you are all wrong or dreaming
Smith is in New York II you don't believe us,
look in the directory.-N. Y. Mail
Smith! Smith! You mean Smith, the widow,
don't you p IV0,choster Press.
Why didn't Smith 20 to Europcy He is police
commissioner, isn't hey Y. H1uld.
You are of the scent. Smith has been elected
governor Of Wisconsin, and is now in Madison
visiting his friend Ludngton.La Y, Dem.
The papers are going wild about Mr.. Smith
He recently located in Jancsvillc, and opened
the handsomcst barber shop in Wisconsin,
JGaesUiis GoYctt.
And yet you are all laundering. Smith is here
in Rockford, running the post.oficc, and he
a Uniform RocIttord Register,
Ofagain. Smith is in Ottawa engaged in the
laudabIc calling Of horse jockey. His latest
exploit was to sell scvcuydvc lottery tickets for
a horse and the day before the drawing selling
the horse for $40 at auction, making clean
800 by the spec.
Many pathetic obituaries have been written of
The butcher, the baker and the candle maker
M A riaap ,rn,,i,t ut
tanned the height TO adorn their monuments with
lifting cpi.aphs To Mrs.IL c, Wilton belongs
the prize:
4 BUTCHER
Stranger, respect the dust that lycth here:
II is meet light with liver disappear, II
And he, Installed In Heaven, will, If he can
Still keep provision God has made for man.
BAKER.
Here lies loafcr, whose belief was such
In the uplifting virtue Of his lcaven,
That with the earthly need Of kncading much
he grew TO needing Heaven.
A CANDLE MAKER.
Tread lightly for here crumblcs in the mould,
One true 10 Greece and yet TO grease grown cold
Who tried to spread his feeble light about
untl one day Death came and snufed him out.
The Paris Chcriroi describes a Russian Gcner
al as bowling profoundly before the Minister of
War. "A great victory, SIR | have cxterminated
The Turkish army 'Of course you will con
gratulate your troops 81 have none left
Up in Vermont they are laughing at a Wood.
ford swain who got down on his knees before his
sweetheart and read q declaration Of love he had
carefully written.
The Kentucky hardshcll baptist don't fool his
time away over spun pathological nicetics
about the Greek word J1ptiso TO prove the doe
trine OF immersion, but taking for his text the
passage, "Thc voice Of the turtle shall be heard
in the land" nails the point thusly:
Brethering, at first sight one would not think
there was much in this text: but ON a little con
sideraton, you will see there's great deal in IL
No", you Az KNOW what turtle Is. II you've
been along by pond, YOU have seen them ON a
Jog summing themselves. Now, il is said 'sTbe
voice of the turtle shall be heard in the land !"
But The turtle hasn't any voice that anybody oyer
neard; so u must be the noise he makes in plung.
ing on The log into the water. Hence we con
elude That immersion Is meant, and that INNER
sloh VIII become universal. ,
Gam shells decorated with marine views make
pretty Christmas presents.-Nelc York Mail For
p3or family, bushel Of clam shells, decorated
WIN lheir natural interiors. make more acccp.
'aoie pFe'cnt--No'risoina He,uH ID
Here is one q the latest New Yorl, fashion
tens:
-, a Iauy recently received dress from Worth.
she could not get In II. She tccgraphed The am.
soeist 70 that elect lie answered: Perhaps
YOU attempted To put Il on over other cIo,Iini, a
his cannot DC permitted will send bv Stem
er euckskin tights, which Is the only carmen,
won with dresses made according to lie d,c,a,nsl
81 fashion Alas, Thu i what we have come ,
train Of the dress ~" III 'iie +
AsTcEr 90 cIIINRsK LOVE- ;
Tie festive Ah Goo
and Too Hay, ihc fair .
They met, and the two
Concluded 10 pair. :
They "spOoncdr in the way
That IBost lovers do.
Aud All Goo kissed Too Hav. g