The Newtown bee., 1878-12-24
rieSings and Gtea,iags.

4 Lady of umbor Ella
 Agrand shell Faee-tbs oyster.
 A well read oflesr-Gouoral aews.
 The feutherel trlbos--the Indiana.
 A home journal-the groorrB book.
 Heal rstute oonvryaneeB-Dirt earta
 The lap of luxury-A cat eating cream
 A speallng liheness-Your twin brother
 .'IIands" that work by time-A elook'a,
 A Detroit baker wants to know what Is ths greatest kuead of the bour.
 The girl of tho period sits at tho window watching for the "comlng man"
 When man gets bald In Colorado they gay his head has got above tho timber hno
 A joker challenged sick mans voto at n city election on tho ground that he was nn i'll legal voter.
 The reason why wine is put in mock tur. tle soup Is probably because wine Is mocker.
 B. Funnie Is the namo of San FrnncIq. co undertaken. Don't See how he cun aud attend strictly to business.
 Mrs. Throwcnts resides in Columbus, Gn If her business k all her name i'm. plies, she ought to have constant employ. ment.
 Young men who can't or don't want to fud work may cheer up, Twelve men of TitusvilIe hnvo succeeded in marrying school teucLers.
 A cockney, in speaking of the doccase Of an octogeuarnn at uuyti, said:
 "lie was born at 'Ayti, und died Gt heighty.'
 Philosophers say thnt shutting tho eyes makes the sense of he ring more acute. A wag says that this saccounts for the many closed eyes that arc seen in church.
 Most Christians consider the Bible more precious than gold. But they lock up their siiverwnre and jewels at night and allow the Word to romuin ou the parlOr table.
 An old bachelor said he once fell in love with u young lady, but Hbandouod ali l4ca Of marrying her when ho found t4ut she und "l hcr family were opposed to it.
 Statistics go to show that one-half the swearing used ill the management of river steamboat will run three dozen rail- way trains nine times us far. CAJcGgo Journal.
 A gorgeous English swell leading dog, inquired it a railway station, Must | nw, take aw ticket fora puppy5' The bowil- derrd clerk rognIle.t him for moment and then replied. ."No, sir, you eau go aS nn ordinary person"
 Junior clork-"Would you kindly per. init me to absent myself tomorrow, to ut tend my fathers funerllY Hoad of the firm (deep ill fgures) - "You may go, Hawkins, but, pray, do not let it happen again l"
 New York artists are discouraged There was a time when they oou.d pour mOllsscs and Venetian red over canvas and sell it to the West for landscape, bu; the West has learned how to do 1t aud makes her own paintings now.
 Somebody estimated that every man who lives to be sixty yenrG oid has spent seven months buttoning his shirt color. Thirty years Mors ought to b. a,dod for hunting up tue collar button.- bridgeport &uit4- eTd.
 According to the tables in the arithme- tcs four roods make one acre, but We have known one acher to make one rudo The acher was on his foot and 8 friend trnmped on It. 1t was an acher of corn, as it were aud thereafter the friend was corn dodger."
 Mrs. Elderkin, of Cohassot, wns baking turkey and had returned from the kitchen to entertain MT. Donny in the parlor, when suddenly the servant open tile door and said, Ma'am shall basto tre haste.
 II say Charley" said ono friend to an- other on meeting, Il hear our friend Brown has been dabbhng in stocks lately; has he made anything" Yes says Charley 'he has mado an assignment"
 A near-sighted hen that ate sawdust, eupposing it to be cornm al, thon VI ent md laid nest full of bureau knobs, set on them three weeks and hatched out con- plete set of parior furniture, and was apre' ty fair hen.
 In some restaurants tho walters don't wait half 50 much as the customers.
 Moissoinior never painted q woman. Probably because women paint them selves.
 Lady on shopping excursion-"Oh, denr, that blanket is mact too good! l want it for charitable purposes"
 A wealthy chandler of this city drives ont on Harlem Lane every afternoon with apara-fne bays.-M '. Graphic.
 A scientist in Europe hns invented a mi croseope that maguifes l2, GOO times, He Is evidently bound to discover an honest man.-FuitOa Times.
 A female gate-kceper, on the national pike, has been removed for passing her sweetheart. Sine never tolpd her love- Gaciaaai Saturday Night
 Policeman - "Now, then, move on. There's nothing the matter here.T 6arcas- tic boy-"Of course there isn't. If there was, you wouldn't be about
 He was from the country, and ho came to town for the first time. As he looked ut the telegraph wires, he said:-"Why do you make your wire fences so high2"
 A Minnesota girl has been serving on a railroad as a brakeman, in male attire. She gave civil answer to the questions of passenger, when her sex was at once suspected
 A Sunday school boy of Maysville, Ky, was asked by the Superintendent if his father was Christian. "Yes, sir" he re- piled, 'Dut Ae is not working at it much"
 One of the Ohio pen who never saw clans before walked up to the box-keeper who makes Little Necks wink, and said, ''Dig me outa few more of them hidebound eouls."
 T1,o- 41f1 .F cr.r