The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-10-17
WHOLE NO. 1884.
Miscellaneous.

ny SnOuId a lazy S nome uFcsS lasI
forever because she never wears it out.
Birds are melancholy in the morning,
because their bills are all over due.
II fear you do not quite apprehend
me-" observed an escaped prisoner to his
baffied pursuers.
Mamma, can't we have anything we
want p Yes, my dears; buS be careful
and don't want anything you cant have"
Hood, in describing the meeting of a
man and a lion, said, The man ran off
with all his might, and the lion with all
his name"
Almost every man takes his day off,
but we never heard of him bringing it
back again.
What is the difference between a church
organist and the influenza P One stops
the nose, and the other knows the stops.
The worst thing about a mosquito is its
long soliloquy to when and where it
had better settle down and bite.
I'D like to see them put me in jail,
says Mr. Kearney. "Ah remarks the
Detroit Free Press with delightful enthu-
slams, who Wouldn't"
Little brown Harry, returning to the
cars, explained his weeping condition
when he got home with the complaint
that he had two cinders in his both
eye
"Why didn't you put on clean collar
before you left homer called out an i'm
pertinent young fop to an omnibus driv-
er. Cause your mother hadn't sent
home my washing" was the extinguish
ing reply.
When Dennis Kearney reaches Will
mantle with his twaddle about pooling
issues, he will see something worth talk
ing about in the way it issues its spools.
"Eh, mon, your Psalm bulk is ill bund,"
said the Scotch pastor of the man who,
in pulling out his handkerchief in church,
scattered pack of c-rds over the floor.
What straits are the most perilous2
asked the Sunday school superintendent,
and little boy spoke up promptly,
Whisky straights!" And the boy was
right
A correspondent of New York daily
suggests the use of donkeys in polo play
ing instead OF ponies. We had supposed
that donkeys took parS in the game all
along.
The sun rises in the east" explained
the teacher. "Yes, an there's suthin'
rises in the west, too" chimed in one of
the smaller boys. well, what is it?'
asked the school-ma am Iniuns |"
shouted the urchin.
At catechetical examination in Scot
laT n vi hu Il
the Israeltes make golden calf 2" SIZE
answered: They hadna as muckle siller
as wad made a COO"
The following notice was posted on the
office-door of a life insurance agent in
Newburg, N. Y, in the sum11er of 1877:
Away on vacation. Will return on
the 25th ultimo"
freshman Where shall l find Dar-
wins works ?" Librarian What do
you want with Darwin p Freshman:
II want his Origin OF Species, SO as to
find out something about this finance
question.
On being asked why he went into bank
ruptcy, he replied well, my liabilities
my probabilities unpromising; and so l
just thought I'd do as m neighbors do,
you know"
"Oh Mamma, please do come up"
What is wanted, my daughter ?" queried
the tender parent. Dear, dear mel"
was the pathetic reply Il can't decide
which dress to wear, and am 20 afraid l
shall be late to church"
An old Highland clergyman, who had
received several calls, asked his servant
Were he should go. The servant said
"GO where there is most sin, sir" The
p eacher concluded that was good advice,
and went where there was most money.
"Hurrah Hurrah /" cried young law
yer, who succeeded to his fathers prac-
tice. I've settled that old lawsuit at
last" Settled i'll" exclaimed the as
tonished parent. why, we've supported
the family on that for the last ten years
and might have much longerp
MY dear" said a wife to her husband,
81 really think it is time we had green
house" well, my DEAR paint it any
color You please. Red, white or green
will suit me" responded the father
The owner of pair of bright eyes says
the prettiest compliment she ever re-
ceived came from a child of four years,
who, after looking intently at her in
quired, naiVely: "Are. your eyes new
ones? p
Jack cut his finger badly with a for
hidden knife, and his mother asked:
well, sonny, whats the matterY' Jack:
"Oh! | feel rather faint; that's all Is
there such a thing as bun in the
house?'
Mother with suspicious look and sur
shirt is on wrong side outward" Surrep-
titious bather: "Yes, mum The other
side got wet and l changed it.
An ont of.town man, travelling in a Bos-
ton horse car, pulled the strap vigorously
and made the bell ring at each end.
What are you ringing at both ends for?'
said the conductor. Because | wish the
thing to stop at both ends"
"Oh, why should the spirit of mortal be
proud p is often asked Well, really, we
doA't know, unless its because he can
climb a tree and a mule can't
Some one has at last discovered the
tenoency of the average milkman to wa
ter his milk. His instructive desire that
his milk shall be pure, impels him to
wash it carefully before delivering it to
his customers, and some Of the water is
apt to get left in.
A member Of church being particular
about the new minister, is said TO have
pray ed aloud at the late meeting OF the
kirk elders, Send US not an old man in
his dOtagp, nor a Vounu man in his gOs-