The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-12-21
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Mr.. Stephens, being unmarried. ostentatiOusly
styles has Georgia home IS Liberty Hall.
The stamps for the marriage settlement OF Miss
Hannah de Rothschild cost $4,000.
a French writer, presumably married, defines
trousers tO be things which the men put on and
the women wear.
The summer everyday suit of Madagascar
gentleman costs only fifteen cents, and twelve Of
these are laid out for a cane.
Do not advertise. DIR. j. c. Aver advertised
until be was worth between three and four mill
ions. Then he went crazy, and then he died.
The Municipality of Prague has forbidden the
wearing of dresses with trains upon the street,
80 because of the dust, injurious to public health
raised by them
II is getting so on Long Island that if a wife
hasa strange taste in her mouth she at once
jumps out doors and screams, "pizened by my
husband ~
The closest shave in the way of a joke recently
is the observation that the grass is so short in
Colorado that it has to be lathered before it can
be moved.
Edmund Yates says that some one sent him
mourning card recently with this inscription on
it '' Epitaph Tor Beaeonsfeld. Give the devil
his Jew
Time lags when we are young and hurries
when we are old. Ii was Southey who said :
90 live as long you may, the first twenty years
are the longer half of your life."
The physiological fact which scientists have
never yet wrestled with is, why the husband Of 4
red-headed woman stands the heat of summer so
much better than other men.
Here is the worst pun we have seen in six
months In Alabama they chew the tasscls of the
FIR trees as substitute for tobacco, which re-
you'll be happy"
six-year-old, who was found putting him
self outside of various good things at rapid rate
just after complaining of inward gripping, ex-
planned to his wondering parents that he didn't
want to leave any room for that stomach-ache.
A child was called as witness in a Charleston
Court. The opposing lawyer asked her if she
knew where liars went when they died, and OBJ
jected to her testimony when she answered no.
We'll, that question has not been settled by
anybody satisfactorily said the Judge.
An exchange, whose editor has evidently been
on journey, says that the prophet Isaiah must
have eaten at railroad lunch counter, is
shown By the following passage 50 He shall
snatch on the right hand and be hungry and he
shall eat on the left hand and shall not be sat
isfed.,'- t-~
:. See here, Captain" said sharp boy, who
was seeking employment from an old sea-faring
ERan, g first father died. and my mother mar
ried again; and then my mother died and my
father married again, and somehow or other,
semeway, I don't seem to have no parents at ALL
nor ne home, nor nothing
At the Congress Bismark--'' Ell, vot you say,
Gortshy ? You ton't dmk ash der Palkans wash
der natural boundary of Pulcaria, anyhow
ICalls his bulldog. Here, Schneider, sic m !,
staboy. Oh, you change your mindt bout dat,
eh? Dot ish all right. Here, Yawcop, dook
Schneider aut in der entry ant tie him loose.
P'raps We want him again pooty soon"
On the Fourth a native American was upbraid-
ing naturalized German for celebrating the day
so enthusiastically. The German replied You,
sir, are an American from necessity; am one
from choice. Aud besides, sir, when you came
into the country you hadn stitch of clothing
to your back while was comfortably clad. -
The American has been thinking about 1t ever
since. a.
a man came into the Office last evening and
asked - Are you going to print sermon to-
morrow We told him that such was not our
present intention '' I'm sorry for that, be
replied. . You see, | was arrested and fined loI
drinking this morning, and L thought If yCu
were TO make fye-lIne report of it, and get i
mixed up with sermon, nobody would eyel
read it. Guess Ill have to ask YOU to keep i
out altOgether." And the man went out with
out offering an explanation for his strange con
duct.
4 young lady in Yassar College at an evenin:
party found it apropOs TO use the expression
- Jordan is q hard road to travel, and thinking
it too vulgar, substituted the following - Per
ambulating progression in pedestrian excursion
along the far-famed thorougbfare of fortune cas-
upon the banks Of the sparkling river of Pales
tine is indeed attended with 4 heterogeneous con
gIomeration of unforeseen difficulties
.s / have calculated said the eminent arith
metic-man, - that the average man speaks thre
hours day, at the average speed of one hundre
words minute, say twenty-nine octave pages Al
hour, or six hundred week consequently, II
the course of year the average man talks fifty
two large Volumes - Sir" said one of tn
audience, q of scant respect for the sex t
which he owed mother, does your calcula
ton apply to women ?'' - 1t does sir, codly re
piled the eminent arithmetic-man ali You hay
20 do is this" and ne puts an after the 50.
The following anecdote, now in circulation,
characteristic Of the state Of the Sultan's mind a
this moment. In farewell visit of the Prn
cess ReUss, wife of the German Embassador
this lady congratulated his Majesty the dee
reverence and affection entertained toward hi1
by his subjects, gently and adroitly lnsinuatin
that so much devotion should be rewarded by th
Padishah showing himself frequently
public. The Padshah listened with long an
astonished face, and when the Princess lett re
marked to the bystanders, 81 should very muc
dixie to know what interest this woman can haT
in causing me to be assassinated." "