South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-05-10

6cientiuc outnOLlty. DOcLOr, now IS
man to tell mushroom from a toad
stool?" Scientific authority: "By eat.
ing it. If you live. it is a mushroom
If you die. it is toadstool."
VA little girl who was spending
her first month on farm in the country,
was asked. "What DO you like best in
the country?" Replied the child. Il
like the country because there are no
corners When am at home, mother
tells me not to 60 further than the COR
ner Of the street, but-don't you see?-
there, are no corners here, and l can 90
anywher e."
NAUGHTY GIRL. Good old Mrs. Call
was very hard of hearing being some
what advanced in years. Her daughter
Lydia was blooming lass, who loved
a good frolic, and knew well how to get
one up. Lydia had arranged junket,
and the young men and maids were al
on hand.
In the midst Of the fun in popped old
Deacon-to see how tho widow Jared.
This was wet blanket TO the merri-
ment, and Lydia was all out Of patience.
She wished he would go, and by and
by he gets up to'depart..
.'Oh, Deacon - said Mother Call.
don't think of going before tea
The deacon, so strongly urged, re-
piled:
"Well, think will stay, as the
folks will not expect me home before
dark"
What did he say, Lydia?" asked the
widow.
Lydia had ready answer:
"He says he will not to-day, mother,
as the folks will expect him home be-
fore dark. Why, how deaf you are,
mother!
"Oh. we'll, some other day, deacon.
won't your" said mother Call. as che
showed the deacon out.
Smart girl, that" said the old dea-
con, trudging along home. "Shell find
her way through, I'll warrant"
AT WHICH END.-A few evenings
since q father and daughter at Welles-
ley, Massachusetts, were having pleas
ant chat. actually recalling incidents Of
the latter's childhood.
Il shall never forget" said the young
lady chow you took me out of church
one Sabbath when / was about three
years old, and punished me for playing
in meeting. can remember the ting
ling Of that peach tree switch to this day.
Very strange, very strange" said
the father, II don't recollect the cir
cumstance at ALL"
"Ah, well, papa, you were at tie other
end Of Me saoitch.
How SHE UTILIZED HM.-"Your
husband is sick good deal Of late, isn't
hep" remarked Southern Illinois wo-
man to another.
Yes" answered the wife, ''he's got
TUX down mighty hard with them ere
ager shakes agin.'
II shud think it 'ud be sorter distress
sim like ter have him round the house,"
remarked the other sympathizingly,
speedy when yer at house cleanin.'
wal so it wud be- replied the wife,
in self.consoling tones, "but when he's
got inter one Of his chills, and want
the rag carpet shuk, yer see he's n pow
erful smart hand ter hitch onto it,"
Then the other woman wended her way
home envyiug her neighbor the knack
she had of utilizing her husband.
AN HONEST CUsToSIER.-Au anecdote
worth laughing over is told Of man
who had an jnirmity as we'll as an APP
petite for fish.-Ie was anxious to keep
up his character for honesty, even while
making a bill with his merchant, as the
story goes, and when his back was turn.
cd the honest buyer slipped a goldfish
under his coat-tail. But the garment
was too short to cover the theft, and the
merchant perceived it.
Now" said the customer, anxious
to improve all the opportunities to call
attention to his virtues. "Mr. Mer-
chant, have traded with you good deal
and paid you promptly, and paid you
honestly, haven't II"
"Oh, Yes" answered the merchant II
have no complaint"
well" said the customer 'I have
always insisted that honesty was the
best policy, and the best rule TO live
and die by"
That's So" said nc as the customer
turned TO depart. "IIold on, friend .
cried the merchant, speaking Of hon.