The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-11-02
NUMBER 3.
PASSING SMILES.


who deals in it.
THE Vienna theaters issue no checks
to enable parties to go out between the
acts, and so the boys have to carry their
cloves and lemon peel in their vest
pockets.-BredkJdst 7ab'e
" On, why should tho spirit of mortal
be proudW Is often asked. Well, really,
we don't know, unless it is because ha
can climb tree and a mule can't
Philadelphia Chronicle Herald.
THE Saratogian tells of Unitarian
clergyman at the recent conference who
saw the placard, /" Leave your dog out
side" and tried to purchase dog in
order TO comply with the regulations.
A MINNEAPoLIs cat has achieved
kitten with five heads, and we car
imagine how sweet it will be when that
cat attains its majority, to have it sit
on the back fence and commune with
itself.--Breakfdst Table.
The Turner'S Falls Reporter says:
4" 1t is human to doubt. Display sign
with the inscription Beware of Paint
and nine out of ten will draw their fore
fingers across the newly painted surface
to see If the sign is not merely an in
| Ventlon OF the enemy.
THE forest leaves are turning, and the
chestnut worms are squirming, as the
peanut man stands churning them upon
fiery bed; and books will soon be
laden, by every city maiden, with leaves
which nature made on purpose to be
red Wheeling Sunday Leader.
In the sweet, balmy, delicious happi-
ness of loves first young dream, youth
will not only insist on cracking walnuts
for his girl, but in picking out the
goodies as well. Two years after mar
riage he will not even let her have the
nut cracker until he is through. Girls,
get married. Breakfast Table.
A GEORGIA farmer bought grand
piano for his daughter His house is
small, and, to economic room the lower
partof the partition between the kitchen
and parlor was cut out, and the long
end of the piano stuck through. Pris-
ella now sits at the keyboard, singing
Who will care for mother nowY and
the mother rolls out doughnuts on the
other end of the piano in the kitchen.
SLEEP.
When to soft sleep we give ourselves away,
And In q dream, MS in q fairy bark,
Drift on and on through the enchanted dark
To purple day break-little thought W pay
To thatsweet bitter world we know by day.
We are clean quit OF It, as Is n lark
SO high In heaven no human eye can mark
The swift plnlon cleaving through the gray.
Till we axe Ill fate can do no ILL.,
The resting heart shall not take up again
The heavy load that yet may make IL bleed:
For this brief space the loud worlds voice is STILL
No Iaintest OF no OF 1t brings us pain.
How will 1t be when we shall sleep indeed2
-Aldrieh.
CRY not to pass, the old man said
30 the urchin made II next" instead.
---Nep Hauen Register. And the old
man chuckled and nudged his pard, for
he held both bowers and the Joker card
---Brid9eport Standard. And the fourth
man muttered, ave can't afford to have
30 much talking across the board. -
Nem York Graphic. Then a smile DER
the urchins face did steal, as he threw
down six cards and exclaimed, "Mis-
dealp (But what does 1t all mean, any
how Norristown Herald.
FLORENCE, the actor, of " Hon. Bard
well Slote 4" renown, was president OF the
jury which sampled the wines AT the
Paris Exposition, and he informed
New York reporter that he would not
undertake the task again for all the
vintage of France. The jury tasted
each day for week from eight a. m. to
three p. M, passing judgment upon
one thousand six hundred bottles. The
Turkish representative on the jury was
not satisfied with tasting his glass, but
emptied it every time until he was snor-
ing under the table.
SCARCELY had the Raccoon of Swat
been laid among his fathers before the
Ameer of Afghanistan appears to test
the Atlantic cable with his ill-timed per-
formances: and this, too, while General
Phillipovich is bombarding the Bosnians
at Senkovics, and Janovich is whooping
them up at Kiobuk. Sumo ideas of the
terrors Of British shindy on the Pun
jaub border may be gathered from the
fact chat such names as Barrookullen,
Ghuznee, Homegrown, Mootakhala
and Muzulfarabad are likely to to act
lively involved day after day.--Bahi-
more Gazette.
Mr.. DEBARTH is q very modest young
man, who never drinks. He has but one
bad habit, and that is tobacco chewing.
The other day he rode in Fifth-ayenue
car, aud he had quid of tobacco as big
as loaf of bread in his mouth. At Four
teenth-street young lady entered the
car. 0Tcdt ItdFtusl ~ Wdb utS gin
What should he do? She took seat
beside him, and chatted away right
merrily. The conversation had not pro-
gressed very far when DeBarth's face
began to turn red. He felt for his
handkerchief, but he had none. Then
his face turned purple. In two minutes
more his cheek began to swell. What
could he do? If his girl caught him
chewing tobacco, that would settle it..
The passengers all noticed that Mr.. De-
Barth was dying, but none of them
moved to assist him. The crisis had
come, and in a fit of desperation d. B.
pointed to the front of the car. All
hands, including his girl, looked in that
direction. While they were doing SO he
spit down his sleeve. Then he took the
quid from his mouth and, without look
ing in that direction, threw it out of
the window-or attempted to do SO. 1t
went up against the pane with squash,
and fattened out until the car became
darkened. No cards,-N r. Dispatch.
A MAN at Bradford, England, has
been arrested and jailed for sending
out bellman to cry through the town
that his wife was for sale. Served him
exactly right. If any such precedent al
, this was allowed to be established II