Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1878-03-04

The hornet belongs to the powers that
bee.
Why is kiss like sewing machine? ?
Because it seams good.
Advise not what'is most pleasant, but
what is most useful.
Never confde secret to your rela-
tives; blood will tell
Snoring is now politely described as
indulging in sheet music.
Hood called the slammino of a door
by person in a passion "a wooden
OATH"
The first hours of slumber are the
sweetest. If ever man sleeps the sleep
of the just, it is when he's just asleep.
"At what age were you married ?"
asked she, lnquisitively. But the lady
was equal to the emergency, and quietly
responded /: "At the parsonage.
They say the Indian name for edit
or is .Wo-rack- ta-che- e-resh-he-ka ka- haw."
That's what we always thought it was.
It Yrobably means stirred and hungry"
| 49, Q
Said lady to the famous actor, Gar
rick, 81 wish you were taller" MAD
am" replied the wit, show happy
should be to stand higher in your esti-
nation"
Josh Billings remarks: sThe only
way tu git thru this world and escape
censure and abuse, is tn take sum back
road. You kant travel the main turn
pike and do it"
"Six feet in his boots !" said Mrs.
Partington; "what will the imperence
Of this world come to, wonder? Why
they might just as we'll tell me that the
man had six heads in his hat
A wise man, who evidently speaks
from experience, says nobody can tell
how many disputes for the front side of
the bed have been settled by moving the
bedstead in the centre of the room.
A minister having preached very
long sermon, as was his custom, some
hours after asked gentleman his
candid opinion of it. He replied that
twas good but it had spoiled a goose
worth two of it."
A girl who will sit with fellow all
night on the stairs at ball, with no
clothes on above her waist worth speak
ing of, would faint away dead if the
same fellow were to meet her on the
stairs mufhed from head to foot in three
night gowns.
my son." said dying grocer to his
probable successor in the business,
'never put sand in the sugar. Cherish
reputation for fair and honorable deal.
ing with your fellow men, and use terra
alba instead, it's quite as heavy and
don't grit so on the teeth"
Do you think, William" said Brown
to her husband the other night, 'that
the telephone will ever be as generally
used as the telegraph ?" why, yes, .
replied Brown, "the time is coming when
1T will be as common to telephone as II
seems to be now to tell-a fb."
Much has been said against the ac
cordeon, but the first evening after &
young man who practiced on one moved
into the second floor of house on Unior
street smile lit up the face of an agec
citizen whe lay in sickness on the hool
above. He said he was now reconcilec
to death
His wife caught him with his arm,
round the hired girls neck, but courag,
even in this trying extremity never for
sock him. 81 suspected some one o
stealing the whisky and the preserves
Jane. for some time, and you know he
breath would have told it if she was tn
guilty party"
A Vicksburg negro fell from the decl
of steamboat the other day was stucl
under coal barge. came up in time t
catch his breath before be slid under
raft mile long, and finally scramble,
J ashore down at Warrentown, about sew
, en- miles below, with the remark, IN
use tryin', ye KANT drown a deep-wate
Baptis' ~