The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-02-09
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
.. Jobnney, what does your mother keep cat
Cor ~ To lay kittens, was the unexpected
reply The question for that session came u 'l
Hbrupt end.
Nice little girl Oh, do let me see you you
drinkl'' Captain Grogson-'' n.y. my uGai iite
Nice little girl Because ma says you Uii"A -'N
a fish"
,,,x ,delar call his new comic book - Elbow
Ro1m - because the funny bone is located
m the fir-t word of the title, and the numerous
is close by.
In an obituary discourse ON little child that
hod been burned TO death, the speaker tOuchingly
nid Her last scene on earth was Kerosene.
:. Henry. YOU ought to be ashamed to throw
..rav brad ike tha5 You might want it some
sdav,t' Well. mother, would stand any bet
tar chance of getting it then, if should eat 1t
now
ArrRAcr1vE-The following notice appeared
s it 4 shop window of a tailor at Cork: Wanted,
Two APPRENTICES who will be treated as one OF the
family
Kentucky editor touches mp rival in this
Eay: No, no. It's not egotism, it's only ms
NAV of talking When he might say, s. 1t raned
here Yesterday he says, g We were pleased to
see it raining on our town yesterday.
Cincinnati Gazette 1t has leaked out that
after Hayes kissed Morton he made similar ad-
vances toward Ben Butler, but he drew back ex-
claiming, 90 Remember, sir, am widow"
4 Texas man got mad because waiter handed
him a napkin the other day. He said he
!. s.reckoned he know'd when to use han ker-
cher without havin' no hints throwd out.
Have YOU any busts of Psyche p asked a lady
in "a mar
hain't. Sikesie, Nose, and all of them fellows
have been PLAYED out for years. was the dis
dainful reply
The reason they say a man who has been
. drunk has been on lark, :" must be on account
Al the early rye sir-BurHngtOn Hdrckeye. No;
"a is the soar reflections of the morning.-BoStOn
ConpnlerciaI Bulletin.
A man, whose eyesight is not good, was re-
commended to try glasses. Tie says he went and
took four at the nearest drinking saloon, and the
result was, that his sight was so much improved
that he could see double.
8. Its such funny thing said an old lady of
experience. to see a doctor try to look solemn
when he is told there is great deal of sickness
about The only thing that beats it is to hear a
lawyer talk about the folly of people going to
law
\ LAWYER was noticed at q recent concert en-
Enthusiastically applauding one of the singers, and
~
isn't he?" said one acquaintance to another:
.s No." was the reply; . it's mere professional
instinct. lie is moving for new trial"
In conspicuous headline the editor of the
New York Sun inquiries 50 Is there Hell p
Ten thousand years from now he Will be consult
inc the dim tables of his memory by firelight for
answer to the question: Was there ever any
thing else?-[ Argonaut.
The sea otter is SO deeply imbued with fear OF
man that all attempts to keep it alive after lis
capture have failed, it perishes by selt-mposed
staryatiOn, all through the fear OF man. U,
woman. how deeply and strongly you do not
remind US of the sea otter
Woman is a trusting, loving, eOnfding angel,
but it shakes her confidence terribly when her
husband comes home at one O'Clock IN the
morning, carrying dozen mess mackerel on
string, and huskily explains that he has "been
out on a fs-(hic) fishin' sour (hic) )-sion.
a SIMPLE LITTLE PuzzLE.-Let one of the
party suddenly ask, - Can anybody put of
his hands in such position that the other can
not by any possibility, touch it?" As there
Is but one such position (namely, Clasping the
elbow) a good deal of fun may be got out of
Che various and often clumsy attempts to find
it out.
We still hear occasionally of the tender, pas
,sionate, worshppIng lover, who lies in ambush
Dor the idol of his hearts affections, and cuts her
head off with n hatchet because she will not
marry him. 1t is getting to be safer for girl to
shoot when he proposes, than to reject
him. And that possibility will make it very uu-
pleasant for the man when he So asks. .''-RG,0k-
eye.
He was so drunk that he could not walk
could scarcely move and only partially articu-
late 4 friend of his came up and upbraided
him. . If l were in your place. said the
friend, I'D go out in the woods and hang
myself - If (hic) you were (hic) in my
place, how (hic) tho deuce (hic) would you
get to (hic) the woOds?'' was the squelching
inquiry.
Two lrishmen, a certain occasion, occu-
pied the same chamber. In the morning one
Of them inquired of the other: " Dennis, did
you hear the thunder in the night ~ IS No
Pat; did it really thunder?'' Yes; it thun.
Edered as if hiyen and earth would come to-
gether." Why the duce, then didn't We wake
me, for ye know L can't slape when it thun-
ders ?'
4 clergyman was called out the other MIGHT
30 minister by the dying bed of a prominent
Citizen. Was he connected with a savings
r. bank?'' asked the divine. 80 He was trustee
in my going,' said the pastor; still the
mercy Of Heaven is infinite and there's nc
saying-sO l had better 60 through the motions
perhaps"
DIR. Louis, of New Orleans, who is something
of a wag, called on a Baptist minister, and pro
pounded a few puzzling questions. 80 Why is it, ,
said he, 50 that you not able to do the mirac
les that the apostles did? They were protected
against all pOsons and all kinds Of periis. How
Is 1t that you are not protected in the same
way The coloured brother responded prompt
y, Don't know about that. doctor; spec
is. I've taken mighty sight of strong med
ie'he from you, doctor, and l is alive YETI