The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-08-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

4
A RULE without an exceptional car
penter's
SALT air diamonds-Ocean spray in
morning sunlight.
NEVER fish for compliments until the
soup is served.
WEATHER strips--Changing your fan
nels for the season.
COMM through the rye-as the punch
said to the straw.
SALT fish for breakfast and rubber
outfit will keep man dry all day.
A PERSON was asked if he ever saw
mill race. He said he had-during a
freshet.
WHEN do ships and wounds most re-
semble each other? When they are
heating over.
IMPEoUNIosUs wishes to say that he
has one constant friend-a purse with
no change in it.
WHEN is mad bull as Objectionable
as an absent husband ?-When it is get
ting on toward one.
The butcher who sells ox-tails for soup
and calves heads for dinners undoubt-
edly makes both ends meat.
How did Noah provision the ark (?
With fruit. How so? how with fruit?
Why, don't you rememberl he stocked
it with pairs.
AS THEY passed a gentleman whose
optics were terribly on the bias, little
Dot murmured: "Ma, he's got che eye
that don't 60"
AN exchange heads an article "Some
Good Indians" 1t must refer to those
killed year ago. They are good enough
now.-NO7riStOOn Herald.
The youngster who was sent away
from the table just as the pastry came
on went sadly up stairs singing, "Good-
by, sweet tart, good-by."
AN old bachelor said he once fell IN
love with young lady, but abandoned
all idea of marrying her when he found
that she and all her family were opposed
to it.
The latest sentimental agony in songs
is tender ballad beginning
| Who will come above signing
When the grass grows over me?
We can't say positively who, but, if the
cemetery fence is in the usual repair. it
will probably be the cow.-Burdette.
CT WISH that you would not give me
such short weight for my money!"
said customer to a grocer, who had an
outstanding bill against him. "And 1
wish you wouldn't give me such long
a0ait for mine," responded the grocer
Chicago Commercial Advertiser.
A RUMoR has gained circulation that
band OF Communists and Socialists, in
New York, have bound themselves to
assassinate all the great men in this
country. We leave for Canada in the
morning to remain until this danger is
over.-Burdette.
"BALL to the bat, the vampire said,
! As face to face the foemen stood;
Then the pitcher putch and the catcher clutch.
And toe batter but as he oughter should
Adown the slope where the fielder fold
liner hot rs hornet wuug,
And atween the optics hit baug
As bouuteous as hogshead's bung.
| ST. Louis Post.
A KIrTEN.-A boy at school, on being
asked to describe kitten, made the
following graphic statement GA kit
ten is chiefly remarkable for rushing like
mad at nothing whatever, and generally
stopping before it gets there" That
boy got prize that half.
THE JAS. PRESERVES.
He sits on the stoop; tits bright moonlight night,
And kiss from her lips he begs;
But his trousers not OF the style that is tight,
And the cock-roaches crawl up his legs.
He pauses moment; then wildly he grasps,
simultaneously both Of his limbs;
"Tve got EN-" says he. "Oh, good gracioasv
she gasps,
"Don't tell me, dear George, you've the jims!"
No MAN can go down into the dungeon
of his experience, and hold the torch of
truth to all the dark chambers and hid
den cavities, and not come up with
shudder and a chill as he thinks of the
time when he undertook to talk politics
with the deaf old father of his first
sweetheart while the girl was present.
Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
A NEw-MARRIED lady, who, as in duty
bound, was very fond OF her husband,
Notwithstanding his extreme ugliness of
person, once said to witty friend,
What do you think2 My husband has
laid out fifty guineas for large baboon
on purpose to please me !" "The dear
little man !" cried the other. "Well it's
just like him."