The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-10-18
FACTS AND BANGLES.

To make a mango-read him your last
poem.
The Graphic says there is a better
feeling abroad. Why doesn't it come
homer
The man who patronizes a second
hand clothing store is never troubled
with fits.
Always take to the circus enough re-
ligiOus scruples to guard you from the
lemonade.
A Kentucky woman has married a
Mr.. Calico. Our only hope is that he
will wash.
Mrs. Livermore has just recovered
81 900 worth of diamonds which she re-
Gently lost in a fire.
The Cure at Evansville has turned out
1 1850 patents since 1858. They are all
cured of drinking water.
An old negro woman was found dead
in Atlanta, Ca, with foot in the fire
and pipe in her mouth.
We want to secure the services of hall
dozen good healthy Howard nurses to
revise the poems that are sent into this
Office for publication.
The Rev. Mr.. Talmage says: "There
are four roads which lead to hell, and
Ingersoll is opening another" Wouldn't
that be the fifth avenue?
An exchange asks; what shall we dc
with the girls? ' Why, do the fair thing
by one of them, and give the other fel
lows a chance with the rest
Vassar college has two Japanese girls
and the Philadelphia Chronicle says il
is an affecting sight to see the American
girls teaching them how TO slide down
the balustrade.
1t is said that the American habit Of
taking window-sills for foot stools is OF
the decline. Convince a man that there
is room on the floor for his feet and he
will leave them there.
Cast your little stanza upon the waters
and it will return to you after many
days credited to half a dozen innocent
persons who never did you any particu
lar harm.-N. Y. Com. Adv.
Ben. Butler is sixty years old, and
possesses $3O00,000. This makes the
wages of the hOary-headed veteran of la
Dor over $3.50 day from his birth, not
counting living expenses.-Chi. Jour.
Life is full of disappointments. The
Pennsylvania fiend that cut his wife
with a Ratchet looks like a good and
virtuous man." And here we've been
cultivating facial expressions all our life
for nothing.
The Burlington Hawkeye wants to
know why cow always laughs when
she meets a milkman. 1t is difficult to
fnl M lwre hat NIn IL
man being an entire stranger, she is
-deucedly impOlite.
81 move the previous question:" said
a delegate to a Montana convention
The chairman-"If the chair recollects
right, the question was on adjourning
for drinks. Those in favor say yes; con,
trary minded, no. 1t is a vote'''
"How many make crowd ?" asks the
inquisitIve man of the Edenburg Herald.
Well, we reckon, on a Sunday evening,
that the presence of the father and moth
er will make the largest parlor awfully
crowded to the young couple.
After the Communist has divided the
property of the capitalist and become
rich, will he then turn around and di-
vide with the capitalist because he is
poor? We would like to know these
things before commencing a lecture
tour at $500 night.
History, m odern and ancient, shows
that party of fishermen may start off
and forget their bait, or some of their
tackle, but the quart bottle containing
medicine" in case one of the number is
bitten by shark or a sea serpent, or an
alligator, is never, never left behind.
As we see 1t stated, on good authority,
that the world will come to an end July
IA, 1879, we trust all readers of this pa
per will at once become subscribers. 1t
is important that we make as good a
showing as possible on that occasion,
and if we do not do it on our subscrip-
ton list, we do not know how under the
sun we can do it.