The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-03-28
From the n. Y. Times.l
Serenading in St. Louis.

There are two young men in 81 Louis |
who at the present time are so diversified
as to their surfaces with brown paper and
sticking-plaster that they might readily
be taken for Bulgarian Christians who |
had just been receiving good deal OF
protection from the Russian Cossacks |
They do not bear their plasters with
resignation, for they are not good young
men The testimony of large numbers
of St Louisians proves that the two
young men in question frequent bar
rooms and quarrel in the public streets.
make night hideous with uproar, and
play upon musical instruments, like the
beasts that perish Their wounds and
bruises are a Just retribution for their
misdeeds, and they deserve no sympathy
whatever.
There is young lady in St. Louis, liv.
ing in a nice suburban cottage, wi h
whom both these young men are mad
in love Being thus rival, they naturally
hate each other, and not very long ago
discussed their respective fitness for the
young lady's hand in the public street,
with the use OF much strong Western
language and the display OF revolvers and
knives. On this occasion, however, they
did not actually assault one another, but
each young man, after having solemnly
pledged himself to cut the other into fine
slices at their next meeting, went his way
in search Of privacy and rum Two days
later they met in a bar-room, and, instead
of carrying out their sanguinary inten-
tions. they fell upon their respective
necks and vowed eternal friendship
They decided that the young lady was
not an object of sufficient Importance TO
be permitted to envelop their newborn
friendship in cloud OF suspicion and
jealousy, and they resolved that, renounc-
ing all claims to her affection, they would
live for each other only. They mutually
promised never to see or think oil her
again, and finally separated on apparent
ly the very warmest terms OF friendship.
1t was noticed, however, by several un-
impeachable witnesses that as soon as
they had put a large and opaque German
between them, they stoutly shook their
clenched fists and smiled ia a CHASTITY
and sarcastic manner The truth is the
reconciliation was hollow mockery, and
their pretended abandonment OF the
young lady was an act of premeditated
deceit and treachery. Each desired to
occupy unmolested the field OF court
ship, and believed that he had outwitted
his rival and rendered him no longer
dangerous.
1t has been remarked that among
their other vices was that OF playing
upon wind instruments. One OF them
played the cornet, while the other was
habilually addicted to the bassoon
While the latter instrument is not so
Immediately fatal to the helpless listener
as is the cornet, 1t is much more weaken
ing to the mind, and the agonies which
il intiicts are more prolonged and pain
ful. 1t was the intention of these young
men to serenade the object Of their devo.
tion on the very evening Of the day when
they formed their hollow and insincere
alliance, and each OF them presumed that
he had secured a monopoly of her mid
night ears. But as Burns has remarked
the best schemes OF policy devised
either by mice or conciliatory Presi-
dents, frequently 60 "aglee." which, be-
ing interpreted. means ito eternal
smash" And such was the destiny of
the serenading schemes of the two bad
young men.
The young lady's bedroom was in the
northeast corner of the second story of
her house, and the house stood in the
midst OF large and beautiful lawn Pre-.
cisely at Ills p. NJ. the young man with
the cornet opened upon her under her
north window with the pathetic air OF
..Silver Threads among the Gold" but
almost at the same moment he meta.
phorically smote his heart, for he heard
under the east window the loud bassoon
in the act OF wrestling with the "Arkan.
sas Traveller. In these circumstances
few young men would have subordinated
q thirst for immediate vengeance to their
artistic pride, but the two bad young
men, while mentally resolving to kill one
another in the near future, were equally
resolved not to permit their devotion TO
music to be interrupted. They threw
their whole being into their respective
Instruments, and the blare of the cornet
mingled in wild confusion with the
groans Of the bassoon. The young lady,
who was a girl of much spirit and prac
tical common sense, very soon began to
throw things, but neither water, old
shoes, nor crockery could move the de
termined serenaders. They continued
to blow until each had finished his allot.
ted tune, after which, with fierceness
rivaling that Of the wild cats of the noe
turnal back fence, and with oaths at
which the most hardened cat would have
shuddered, they poised their musical
weapons over their heads and rushed
simultaneously to the combat.
The bassoon is longer than the cornet.
but the latter has greater weight and
badness, and the two combatants were
thus very equally matched as to their
weapons They fought with frightful
energy, and we're encouraged by the
cheerful comments OF the young lady,
who, like hes Blessed Damosel, leaned
from her window, and with great impair
tiality urged each other to "everlastingly
Law out the other. The bassoon fell
with resounding blows upon the head Of
the cornet player, and the sharp edge OF
tha hall af the corIeL Rasheu the bas.