Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1878-02-14
Helena, Montana, Thursday, February II, 187S
HUMOR OF THE HOUR

Distilled waters burn deep.-LotreU OSu'-
Ter.
1t is nil wind that blows nobody no good.
Courier.
Mints meat-The dollar of our fathers
Boston, 14duertiser.
January came, thaw and conquered
Rochester Democrat
What makes England rise? Too much
East.-N. y Telegram.
Beautys spell is terrible thing for orthog-
raphy.- -Courier-J0urn0l.
In Union there is preponderance OF
vowels.-LoaoeN Courier.
To Lard Makers.-If at first you don't sue
ceed Try, try again.-N. Y. Herald.
Hymn of the mortgaged church: Kimball
paid it all, all the debt l owe Worcester
Press.
coorier-Herald p. l.
Card parties are now au fat, and the gen.
tlemen will think damn as his female partner
trumps his tricky. y. Dispatch.
A woman disguised herself and whipped
her rival. Now she is trying to mask her
raid Good little pun.-N. Y. Herald
A Saginaw City (Mich.) court has decided .
that "oysters are fish, But she'll fish be
g
An intelligent German thus expressed his
preference for quack doctor: 81 would no :
call him ov mire cat vas dead! !''-PorcAester
Journal.
"Papa," said little girl, *.g1rcme ride
on your knee, won't you. He took the lit
| tie gallop at once.-N Y. Commercial Adoer-
tsser.
The firemen didn't hang up their hose
Christmas eve.- Waterbury american. But
the street scrapers hung up their hoes.-
Worcester Press.
The latest use of the telephone is for armies
in the field, to guard against hostile surprises.
BY its employment either side can tell a fo'n
minute.
"Who stole the spring weather p inquiries
| the Free Press. A Detroit man, sir We
saw much of its sunshine in his very nose
Rochester Chronlcle.
| The ladies are all opposed to the telephone.
They don't care to have young fellow whis-
pering in their ears with his mouth twenty
miles away.-Fumny Folks.
Great quantities of clothespins are shipped
from the United States to New Zealand. The
life of a clothespin in New Zealand must be
sluggish existence. Neaos.
In Grand Rapids, Michigan, the grocers
vertisements. Grand Rapids is also the home
of the Sweet Singer Courier Journal
| General Bouncer Con round of inspection
| at Sandhurst) )-Augh! Can you tell me what
| 'smess" this is? Cadet-Well, they CALI it
mutton but wouldn't vouch for it.
| Punch.
In London. years ago, prize of $50 was
offered for the best original joke, and Horne
| Tooke it.-Norristown Herald. Now, be
honest. didn't Theodore Hook it.-OI CITY
| Derrick,
The Brooklyn Eagle inquiries, "What is
| Christianity" Christianity, my boy, is see
| ing fellow mortal slip down on the side
| walk without reminding him that he has
dropped something. y Worcester Press.
A slip of the compositors deft fingers
makes the Boston Advertiser say that
lecturer talked to the Young Hens Christian
| Association. Of course the speaker addressed
only the laity.- Worcester Press.
"Why do the poets call it the silvermoon2"
she asked, hugging the sleave of his ulster
because" answered her fond admirer, who
| has ''views" on the currency question, 1t IS
+! so inconstant. "-Boston Transcript
The Haaokeye says the world may never ;,
know what unutterabIe things hotel waiter
thinks when he folds his arms and leans
| against the wall to gaze down upon you IN
| mournful silence with dreamy eyes.
Jones-sDid you see the star shower the
! other night, Miss Jessica ?'' Miss Jessica-
| with rapid but comprehensive survey of
| the heavens)-No; but it couldn't have been
much, for there are no stars missing
Bronze guns, we are Informed from Europe,
are supplanting iron ones. The fashions are
| always changing. If our readers have any
| iron ores we advise them to wear them out
| before getting these new bronze affairs
N. y Herald.
China-maniac mistress, with tears in her
voice,-''See, Mary, what your carelessness
has done. You have broken one OF my IA
vorite cups" Maid-'Yes, ma'am, I'm very
sorry, for I'm very partial to old china my
self.-Punch.
Small Girl-''Mama. give me some more
pie." Mama (who wants the small girl to say $
please)-''I don't hear you, my child" Small
Girl-'Give me some more pie Mama- M,
II don't hear you, my child" Small! Girl
s'Oh, mama, you must be near slgnted IN INC
ears."-N. Y. World.
The following successful experiments re-
ported: A Frenchman is to be credited with
discovery that If mortar is likely to peel
off. the tendency can be prevented by SUD.
atitutinp sawdust for bair in 1.-The original
mixture. He had prev sly tried in vain 10 !
make mortar that wor stay in place On
building exposed to d. winds near u'o
eeashorc. After freque,Ily renewing tne 1
mortar in the old way, he tried the use On
sawdust in place of hair, and was quite sue
cessful. The sawdust had been Thoroughly
dried, and ite coarser poruons were lono'o