davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13
A Novelist in a Fix,

here Is pathetic story which appears to
be told in good faith, concerning Mr. vii.
liam Black, the novelist. While stavino at
Ooau, last Summer, he felt inclined for
swim one morning, and selecting tbe
quletest nook he could find along tbs
beach, ne laid his clothes carefully under y
rock, and proceeded to enjoy his sea bath.
presently, young lady with one of his
own novels in hand, came walking alonc
the beach, and absorbed and unconscious
sat herself down close by the unseon
garments. Poor Mr.. William Black did
not know what to do He made n po;so
win the water, bObbed up and down, and
trled by every modest means in his nowar
10 indicate that he was in the vicinity ond
not IN full dress. He was ashamed 10
stand up and shout, and hardly ventured
ln"eed' TO show more than the top of his
head So absorbing, however, was his own
story that he could not attract attention
lie had never before wished that hi.
literary power was less, but at that moment
ms 'ohuesC nope was that he had written at
least one dull chapter in his volume. That
wish became an inspiration, an ambition.
oeslre begot in agony, when presently there
came along that way a short.sighted sports
man carrying gun, who, seeing sometime
strangely acting in the water near At hand
thought it must be game Of some kind or
other and presented his gun to shoot Mr.
black could not stand this. Forgetting the
lady with one of his own novels in hand bo
started So both her and the sportsman. as
hinging himself bolt upright, he lifted b,s
arms above his head, and cried with
pathetic rapidity, "Pray don't shoot.
please don't shoot I'm a mani Pm |
nan !" The lady by the sea shore took tho |
lint and disappeared.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13
For the Smyrna Times
A Visit to an Insane Ball,

There are many kinds of balls; but
IN we may be allowed to continue the
Stereotyped expression of the school.boy
without attempting to enumerate the varie
ties' we will simply give an account of an
Insane Ball. We will conine oursclye 70
something that has local habitation and
name" The ball that we attended was
IN the Insane Department of Blocklev Aims
| mouse. The inmates of this department are
gwen tins treat once week there, while
'hoppngo light fantastic toe" they seem
10 otorgett their troubles. Many are idiotic as
well as insane, there are few who only
nave spells Of insanity. One woman told
US that she was not insane, and indeed for
several minutes she talked quite reasonable.
but before we had left her, such strange ac.
tlohS selZed her, we concluded that. at least
she was very "quoer." After some pro.
mlScuous dancing, on the part Of the luna.
tics' we were treated to hornpipe by Sallie
bins. Sallieis avery peculiar sort of person.
In the first place she is a man. but her
imagination is SO vivid and she has thought
SO much about it, that it is impossible TO
convince her Of the fallacy of her ideas. A
woman she is, and, in spite Of all arguments
TO the contrary, a woman she acW be. He
has evidently studied his part we'll, for
better "Old Miss Prim" | never saw
SalIie is quite bashful, and, after finishing
her dance, she took seat somewhere ont Of
sight
The next distinguished parsonage that
made his appearance was the Pope Of
Rome, lie was dressed in grand STYLE and
danced with much grace and dignity. The
Pope has private reception every day, at
the close OF which he has an encounter
with an imaginary enemy and is always
Killed in the conflict; but he only STAYS
killed few minutes; for he SAYS that he
could not have his reception the next dav
II he was permanently killed.
Perhaps the most noted inmate Of the
establishment is Christ. This man was
formerly shoemaker, somtime since Lo
gave up that trade for the one he now has
lie iancles that the Lord visits him ouita
often. lie describes his Angus; visitor as a
small, neatly dressed man wearing ooId !
spectacles, Christ Chat is the name by |
which he is known is a very profane man.
We were very much shocked when we
heard this and asked him if the Lord ever
swore, No, no, he replied, "but he tells |
me to give it to en-" After the ball we
"ended our way homeward thankful. for
the time at least, that we were not insane
n
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13
HOME SONG.

Stay stay at home, my heart and rest,
Home keeping hearts are happiest,
For those that wander they know not where
Are full of trouble and full of care
To stay at home is best
Weary, and homesick and distressed,
They wander east they wander west,
And are baffled. and beaten and blown about
by the winds of the wilderness of doubt.
To stay at home is best
Then stay at home my heart, and rest;
The bird is safest in its nest:
Ger all that autter their wings and fly,
hawk is lowering in the sky
To stay at home is best.
H. w. LOnGteNO1c
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

The Easton (Md.) Gazette is responsible
Tor the following capital snake story =
FIGHT BETWEEN SNAKE ANB A HENU,wK.
On Tuesday, the 22nd ult.. the weather
was mild and brigh- and the sun appeared
to have withdrawn from a summer dav and
planted itself in the midst Of January
This being the case a tremendous snake.
known as the Cow-Sucker." came from
hIs hiding place on he farm Of Mr.. Edward
Weodali, near Royal Oak, and no doubt
was baskng III the sunshine. when huge
henhawk espied him and thinking it a rare
chance for hearty meal he would demolisb
Mr.. Snake at single swoop. But Mr..
Snake was not to Ic trined with thuslv
The hawk went for his prey, when the
snake embraced him with a death.like
grip. The hawk tapped and squeaked, but
the snake held him fast until man in Mr.
Woodalls employ was attracted by the
noise. The hawk wss held fast until killed
and OF course the snake afterward shared n
IKE fate, as it appears TO be the duty of
every one to kill a srake when in reach.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13
Josh Billings Proverbs.

A poodle is a woman's pct and how
seen some ! would like to swap living
with. ''''s
The man you can have to work on
farm Tor nothing and board himself iux
| about earns his wages.
The worst tyrant in this world is = wo,na,
who IS superior to her husband. and Left
everybody know it.
man who has been waitipo for tho Io.,
hiteen years for something to turn up. !,
still in the same bus ness
Great thinkers are not apt to be great
whistlers. When a man can't think Of
anything he begins to whistle.
Love Is like the measles, YOU can have if
but once, and the later in life we have If
the tougher it goes With us.
The reputation man gets from his an
cesters wants about as much altering to fiji
hIm as their clothes would.
Don't despisc POOR relations. They
might get rich sometime, and then il
would be so hard TO explain things.
Nice can live anywhere comfortably but
in a church. This proves that they cant
live on religion any more than a minister
can.
There IS no woman stationed on the face
OF the earth who tries 50 hard to do right
and fails oftener than the AVERAGE mother.
in-law.
When hear man Dragging about what
he did last year, and what he is going to do
next year, can tell pretty near what he's
doing now.
This life is game of cards. We must
play the hands dealt to US and the credit
Is not so much in winning as in playing a
poor hand we'll
An enthusiast is an individual who be.
lieves about four times as much as he can
prove, and can prove four times as much as
anybody else will believe.
Neatness, in my opinion, is one of the
virtues. | have always considered it twin
sister to chastity, but none work 50 hard as
the victim Of ecstltic neatness. l have
seen neat person who would not let
weary fly rest long enough on their best
wall paper to take treath, and who would
chase single cockroach up and down
'talrs until his legs we're worn off
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

A new temperance alliance, whose rally.
ing cry is Prayer" has been organized in
London. Lady Jane Ellice, in addressing
a conference of ladies at Laugham Hall, a
fortnight ago, called attention to the facili.
ties which were now afforded for drinking
IN ladylike and gentlemanlike manner !;
and proceeded to quote several instances
which had lately come under her own ob.
servation of "high-class drinking" She
said that the evil must be grappled with by
the vigorous exercise of prayer. "The
Angel of Prayer" she exclaimed, "has
spread his wings and is floating over the
land; and women must storm Heaven with
prayer until they bring down the needed
blessing"
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

A boy in a Sunday school proposed a
question to be answered the Sunday follow
ing: GLOW many letters does the Bible
contain?' The answer was three millions.
five hundred and thirty thousand, three
hundred and thirty :hree. The superin-
tendent says to James: "Is that right ?"
No, sir" was the prompt reply. "Win
you please tell us how many there are
then ?" "Twenty-six, SIR"
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

AT meeting of the Indian Legislative
Council at Calcutta, it was estimated that
the famine expenditure during the last five
years amounted to el6,OOO,OOO. The cost
of the recent famine was e9,25O,OOO. Tho
plans of the Government for providing a
permanent national insurance against
famine consist mainly Of a network of cheap
local railways, and an extensive system of
irrigation works.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Inc Northern farmer was right when he
said Doctors, they KNAWS NOWT. for
a says what's NAWWAYS true: Nav
Scort o Koind o. use to saay the things
that do" A poor woman lay very i'll in
her seanty furnished room in Sheffield
Eng, and physician was summoned. He
perceived at once that it was very grave
case, and that she had, as he thought.
small chance of recovery. "Whsn shall
we send for you again, doctor ?" asked the
nurse. Well" was the reply, al don't
think you need send for me again. She
cannot possibly get better; and to save
you further trouble, I'll just write you out
certificate for her burial" He dashed off
hls signature and departed. The Door
woman with an obstinacy, or rather o firm
ness OF purpose, characteristic of her sex.
at once began to mend, and in few days
her health was completely restored.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

A Sunderland gentleman the other day
made bet with a friend that the first boy
they spoke to would correctly answer a
question in Bible history. A boy coming
up at the moment was asked, "Boy, can
you tell me who built the ark ?" "Noa,"
(the vulgar way Of pronouncing No) replied
the urchin, who was Immediately rewarded
by the winner of the wager.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

uallantry is not a tridition of the INST
or walter Raleigh has two disciples an
wilmington, Del, one is an Irishman. and
'he other small boy. One day last week
young lady halted at a street cross;n,
where the mud and slush were verv deem
and seemed to be at loss whether 70 ,rrn
back or to wade through. An Irish laborer
not having a cloak 10 throw down. d;d
what he could to facilitate the passage. IT.
plunged his foot into the slough. and ax.
tending his hand cried out, "Step on NV
my foot, Miss, and I'll help you over" Il
was large foot encased in an enormous
mass OF leather, and it was firm founda.
'ion on which the lady fair could pass over
with dry stockings. The small bov,s
was simpler, but his purpose was equally
chlvalrous. He saw a little girl of his own
size shrinking back from a big pool. and
dumping his long sled in the gutter. en-.
abled her to bridge the stream.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

An Irishman, on seeing a vessel very
heavily laden and scarcely above the waters
edges exclaimed, "Upon me sowl, if the
river was but little higher the ship would
90 the bottonl.i
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

When we get to be the Oldest inhabi
tants likely as not we will go around tell.
ing OF the glorious climate of this country
in the winter of TITS"
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

A gentleman named Moore proposed to
lady by letter, and she asked time for
consideration, closing her letter with the
words: " No Moore at present."
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

After the declaration-' This is, perhaps,
not the first mitten you have received, Mr..
Brown" But perhaps the first you have
ever given, Miss Smith"
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Leigh Hunt well says: II firmly believe
that war, or the sending of thousands OF
our fellow creatures to cut one another TO
pieces, often for what they have no concern
in' nor understand, will one day be reck.
oned far more absurd than if people were
to settle an argument over the dinner.
table with their knives Pa logic, indeed
which was once fashionable in some nIoc.s
during the old times"
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

"Did your husband die intestate ?" asked
a lawyer of a weeping widow. "No, sir;
he died in New jersey" was the reply.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

What is the difference between girl and
a nightcap? One is born to we'd and the
other is worn to bed.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

A family in New Orleans fried oysters.in
meal, mixed with arsenic, to kill rats, and
the local papers have written the obituaries
of the family.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

The Dardanelles is about forty miles in
length, and is from three-fourths of a mile
to two miles wide. Xerxes crossed the
channel on double bridge of boats B. C.
4SO, and Alexander crossed it B. G. 334.
Gallipoli, on the peninsula which forms
the western boundary of the strait, has a
population of about $4,000. A strong
Russian force at Gallipoli would close the
strait Tor the way from the Mediterranean
as complete as the rebel batteries at vicks.
burg did the Mississippi River.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Tramps may be in destitute circum.
stances, but we never yet saw one that was
not armed to the teeth with a fifty cent
plug of tobacco.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

a definition of bankruptcy lately given
by an English judge is reported to have
been: " When man owes lot of money.
and lawyer and accountant dividathe
estate between them"
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

The following obituary notice of dis.
tlnguished citizen is from Western paper !:
=" Peter Ink, an old citizen of Knox CO.,
Ohio, was blotted out the other day, aged
rs"
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

1t is said the pigeon is never eaten bv
inc Russians, who would hold it a sin TO
XII an animal in whose form the HOLY
ghost IS said to have manifested himself
Flseons are bought, therefore, only as pets.
TO be fed and schooled by their masters.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Transparent sleeves are so fashionable
that grsnadine sleeves will be made this
Summer without lining.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

God forbid that my tongue should cease
to tell of His goodness and beauty, or fail
to set them forth as the only foundation
and topstone of a sinners salvation.-J.
NeCtor
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Judge WestbrOOk, in charging grand
jury in Utica, \. V, last week. remarked:
NO matter whether lotteries are at 4
church fair or festival whether at chari.
table fair or festival, they are forbidden by
the law, and are misdemeanors.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Human things must be known to be
loved; but divine things must be loved to
be known.-PaScai.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Hog-eye, Lick-skillet, Rake.pockst and
Stealeasy are the names of some towns in
Texas.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Inc Queen, it has been remarked, al.
ways gives Cashmere shawl as a wedding
present; but 1t may not be generally known
tnat the shawls come from the Maharaiab
OF Cashmere, and are part Of the tribute
ne pays the Empress of India every year
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Fond Father" Well, my son, how do
you like college? Your Alma Mater has
turned out some great men,"
Young hopeful (just expelled y" Yes,
sir, she has just turned ME out"
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

some one wrote to Horace Greeley, in.
qulrlns II guano was good to put on pota.
Toes lie answered it might for those
whose taste had become vitiated with 10.
oacco and rum, but he preferred butter
and gravy.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

lAe day IS coming when it will be Z
greater honV to have written the Twenty.
third Psalm, than to have been the artbor
OF Shakespeare; to have led one sinner TO
CHRISTIAN to have commanded navy. TO
nave su0dued one sinful habit, than to
have taken a city.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

DEATH OF THE PoPE.-The death of Pope
Plus, which has been long expected, oc.
Cured at Rome last Thursday afternoon.
No other pontiF has ever held the chair Of
the Pope so long. Yet in youth his
health was so delicate, besides tendency to
epilepsy, that it was doubtful whether he
would ever reach middle age. He has.
however, survived multitudes of robust and
vigorous contemporaries, and has lived to
SEQ the youngerruler of Italy, a healthy and
stalwart man, 90 before him to the tomb.
Having lived to be nearly eighty.six wears
OF age, in the fiftieth year of his episcopate.
and in the thirty.second year of is.pontifi.
cate, he has been gathered to his fathers.
Whatever may be the differences Of
opinion as to his political and religious
ideas, 1t is conceded by the common con.
sent OF Christendom that his private life
was above suspicion, and that he was a
man OF peculiarly amiable, winning and
noble character.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

A dentist tried his first operation with
gas upon robust colored woman. After
she had used up all the gas in the office.
she wheeled in the chair and shouted !:
Hurry up, and bring on another bag Of
that sweetened wind"
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

They tell a story of an Alabama cIerov.
man. who remarked confdentially to
P'riShloner that when he married his wife
twenty years before, she was pretty enough
to eat, ." 3D. said he, I've often re-.
gfetted since that didn't eat her, only
suppose from mere force of habit she'd
have disagreed with me.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Better avoid blame than seek praise.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

From the lowest depths, there is a path
to the loftiest height.-Ca Carlyle.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

Nasty hates "payin. 1t roby a dollar Nv
all Its deIite to know you hey got to repav
1t again after you hev spent it. Wat 7
would like, says this remarkable ex.oficial
" wood be to hev dollars which reproduce
themselves. If two dollars Good only marry
and hev large families -
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

We doubt if any more curious nroduots
VIII Oe found IN the Paris Exhibition than
,noSe that are in preparation in Norway
nat country will send to the Exhibition
N'lsNlns tanned for gloves, eel,kins pre.
pared for harness, sharkskins over ion foot
long and three wide, and whaleskins nearly
sixty feet long, for driving bands.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13
PHILADELPHIA, Feb, 1878.


The wrangling still goes on in ENGLISH
churchyards. In the village of Claywortb
the only burial ground is connected with tha
National Church. a respectable married
couple living in the village neglected to
have their children baptized, and the
clergyman demonstrated with them. noint.
ing out the grave responsibility which tbev
would incur if they hndered the little ones
from entering Gods family" Although
they were not members of any Nonconror.
mist Church they displayed certain proclvi.
ties toward Dissent, and refused to Weld 70
the authority of the rector. Their Youngest
child, baby scarcely twelve months old.
recently died of Group. The parents went
to the rector and asked permission to bury
their baby in the village churchyald. "God
would not let me bury him. said the pious
clergyman; and then he rebuked them for
inhumanly shutting the door of the King
dom OF Heaven against their own flesh and
blood. His refusal to bury the child com.
PEELED the mourners to go seven miles on \
raw Winters day to a Blptist cemetery.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

A bill has been reported favorablv in the
Pennsylvania House Of Representotives -
encourage the planting Of trees along the
roadsldes. r. This bill allows every person
liable for road tax 81 for every four trees
transplanted along the roadside, the dis.
lance Tan OF such trees apart ranging from
% to 20 feet, according to variety.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13

symmetry, it must not be made the domi.
nant motive for marriage. 1t will not
supply the love; and love is the true bond
of union.
Smyrna times., 1878-02-13
Why Woman Weds.

Some close observer of our social rela
tions, having looked about among his mar
rled female acauaintances, ventures to give
the following list, with an attempt to indi-
cate the real reasons which influence too
many to marry. We hope and believe he
is not correct in the proportion he assigns
to the right motive for marrying, but we
are not sure that all the other motives he
mentions are not more or less influential.
lie says:
The weekly Arizona miner., 1878-10-25
SLsEIlKlanaaS.

In the District Court of the Third Judicial District Territory oi Arizona. County of Yavapai. MARY II BEAN, Plaintiff,
The weekly Arizona miner., 1878-10-25
ElEcr!Om PROCLAMATION.

To al ,ohon it mag colcerR:
 WHEREAS By an Act of the Legislative As sembly of the Territory of Arizona, enti- tied "An Act to provide for General and Special Elections" it is provided that there shall be held throughout the Territory, on
 the Tuesday after the first Monday in No vember X. T.. 1878, an Election for mem- bers of the Legislative Assembly, and such other officers as may be required by law to be chosen at such Election, and
 WHEREAS IL is further provided in said Act that il shall be the Gu.y of inc Cover nor, at least thirty days before any general Election. to issue his proclamation desiena- ! ting the offices to be filled at such Election. Now, therefore, l, John C. Fremont, Gov ernor of the Terri ory of Arizona, in pur-
 suance of the duty enjolned upoh me, do hereby order General Election to be held ! upon the day prescribed ill said Act. to wit,
 the Fifth day of November, 4. D. lS1e, and
 also designate the following as the offices to i be filled al said Election, to wit: ] Delegate 10 the FOny-siXth Congress of l the Uni.ed States; nine (9J members of the Council of tho Legislative Assembly of'the
 Territory, and eighteen (lSl members of the | House of Representatives of said Legislative ! Assembly, to wit:
 l The County of Yavapai four (f) members
 of the Council and eight (Sl members of the | House of Representatives.
 1 The County of Pima, two @ members of 1 the council and i've CD members of the House ol Representatives.
 The County Of MaricOpa, one CD member
 of the Council, and two (2) members Of the
 House of Representatives.
 ! The County of Yuma, one CD member ot i the Council, and one CD member of the House of Representatives.
 The County of Pinal, one CD member oi | the Council, and one CD member of the House of Representatives and the County
 of Mohave no (0l member of the Council
 and one CD member of the House of Repre-. senta.ivcS.
 i Also, in each Cauntv in the Territory two
 members of the Board of Supervisors, a Sheriff, District Attorney, County Recorder, ! County Treasurer. county Surveyor, two C l Coroners. and a Public AdminisIrato also
 in each Election Precinct in each County one CD, and not more than two @ Con la | bles, and two @ Justice, of the Peace; and in each Precinct containinga a popu4atiOn of
 more than eight hundred (SOO) persons, tc be ascertained by tie Board of Supervisors one (lD addiiion:;i Justice of the Peace; and
 also, in each Scaool District in each County
 three C}l Scaoo. Trustees.
 In witness whereof. l have hereto se | my hand and caused to be affixed ] SEAL )tne Great Seal of the Territory o I\I6OAriaona.
 Done at Prescott, this fifth day of October
 A. D. 1878. JOHN C. FREMONT. | By the Governor:
 JoHN J. Go, PER, Secretary of Arizona.