The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-08-23
Fancies.
Fancies.
Can you make an egg she'll a fort

Fancies.
Can you make an egg she'll a fort
ress?
Advice to a big blower-Shut
down your wind. M rav OR -
Is it a runaway match in the in
sect or animal world when you see
one antelope with another.-Norris-
town Herald.
The papers tell US that there is ga
skeleton in the closet" That don't
amount to anything, but if there's
fly in the soup we kick.
Rochester Democrat: An editor
is a man who chronicles the depart
ure of other people for the cool and
delicious summer resorts.
Show us the man who never forgot
to mail letter for his sweetheart,
and we will show you a man who
always forgot to mail one for his
wife.
A contemporary has an item about
an accident headed "The Preacher
GUS Scow." We've heard of her be-
fore. She belonged to a Widow
O'Leary, of Chicago.
The New York News points out
"the dangers of outside bathing"
Undoubtedly it is better to take it
Internally particularly if the ice
and mint are handy.
A great big ripe tomato, says
the Detroit Free Press, if well aim
ed, will do more to make an orator
foget his subject than all the cheers
a mad crowd can utter.
Nothing tries the patience of q
man more than to be sitting on q
sofa in q dark room with q pretty
girl, and be compelled to listen to
her brother giving the history of
base ball club.
San Francisco Post: Two lawyers
while bathing at Santa Cruz the
other day, were chased out of the
water by shark. This is the most
fragrant case of want of professional
courtesy on record.
Hawkeye: Ifyou take one of the
new silver dollars, pour little mu-
ratio acid on the eagle, and set it
out in the sun for twenty minutes,
when you come to look at it. it will
be gone. And the tramp who took
1t VIII be gone also.
Free Press: 81 have no objection
to talking with a parson," said an
Arkansas murderer, "but it seems
to me that I need all my time for
getting my hair cut for the exhibit
ton at II O'Clock sharp. 1 want to
look decent before the crowd"
Louisville Courier-Journal: The
persistent wretch who is always
asking, "Is this hot enough for
you~ will get his reward one of
those days. When a dark complex
Toned old person with horns shall
lead him in, crying, sis this hot
enough for your" he will under
stand all.
New York Evening Post: "Plain-
ly old things are passing away"
Very true; but we hope, neVerthe-
less, that Susan B. Anthony, Anna
Dickinson and the ex-treasurer of
the Kentucky press association may
be spared to US many a long day
observation-disclosures.
NurRe-''Did you put that nasty
mud on the door step, Master
Charles2 ?" Little Master Charles
'1No, nurse" Nurse (artfully )-"But
Charles (more artfully1-"That you
didn't, tor I looked up to all the
windows before l did it."-Judy.
The French consul lately asked
the Queen of Madagascar that the
French trader might be paid for the
loss they suffered from her forbid
ding the sale of spirits in her do
minion. eyes," she replied, eve
will give you compensation, pro-
vided you also compensate us and
our subjects for the incalculable mis-
chief your poison has DONE"
elias sound color ?" asked a phi
losopher. "Oh, yes, have you never
heard your roam voice ?-Burlington
Hawkeye. Certainly; have you
never seen q dog bay the moon p
Goldsmith. Or a crying baby yell
Oh ? or still better, have you not
heard how the wind Whistling, blew
all night long 2-Eratic Enquirer.
There is q rurnor that on account
of the death of DR.. j. q. Aver, the
publication of his almanac will be
suspended. We trust that the rumor
will prove true. That almanac has
stood in the way of some of the
daily papers long enough. It is dis
couEaging to Lave to compete with
an almanac that is circulated gratu-
itously.-Milwaukee Sun.
When a man essays to criticise
English versification Shelley prove
his Wordsworth listening to if he
gives Moore attention to Crabbe's
tails than anything elsel His father
would have had an Akenside Addi-
son done this, while he was living,
and we know his widowed Mother
well enough to suggest that Gray as
she is she'd never wear a Hood
when the sun Burns, or hang damp
clothing in Dryden. We've gone
the whole .Hogg on this, and can
Lamb any chap who Shakes spear
at MS, for using the Besttie prepared
TO catch gudgeons. If you expect
to get OF Scott free, why give us q
Chaucer.-Erratic Enquirer.
Some years ago q cobbler, given
to drinking, went, after copius hba-
tions, to procure more beer In Z
champagne bottle, and somehow
eoAtrived to jam the bottom of. the
bottle on an iron spike and break Is.
he then placed the bottle, accident
ally, upright, but in such position
that flies could creep under the base
of II, and next morning discovered
that the bottle was full of them
msny lying drowned In the residue
of the unspilled lager. A little OBJ.
/
flies always ascend to get out o
| confaement, and do not seem K
hsye any idea Of getting out by
4 coatrarY course He ultimsfely tool
Tout q patent for It and the glass fly
Hatcher, now so successful, is mere
lily an adoption Of the same prfnci
pIe.-Exchange. But did he &c
Iany more beer2 Stick to the poinl
. Iplease.-St. Louis Journal.