The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1878-05-22

day her husband said to her, "My dear, why
don't you invent a new material for
woman's clothing which will supersede such
a clumsy and costly fabric as cloth? Fig
leaves, of course. won't do, at least in our
climate; but surely something can be found
that is better than CLOTH" This suggestion
greatly pleased the good woman, and she
promptly began to investigate the various
materials which might by any possibility be
converted into clothing.
The result of her investigation was to con-
vince her that what her sex really wanted
was paper. She found that single thick
ness of ordinary newspaper is much warmer
than cotton or even wool, and scores of her
female friends told her that they had actually
suffered even in the moderately warm
weather, from wearing three or four closely
folded copies of the Tribune. She also found
that paper was extremely cheap, and that
there were certain kinds of paper which
were soft, pliable, and reasonably strong. She
estimated that she could make herself
entire suit of clothes exclusive of shoes,
stockings and gloves, at a cost of Sill, and
that she could decorate the outer garments
with water colOrs 80 that they would be far
more beautiful than the finest patterns OF
silk. There remained the solitary objection
that paper skirts were readily combustible,
but she knew that by treating them with
certain chemical preparations, absolute
safety against fire could be secured.
With her usual energy she tonce obtained
her materials. and made and decorated
full assortment of paper garments. The
lower or primary strata were composed of
soft white unglazed paper; what might be
called, in view of their position, the meso-
zoic skirts were made of thick brown paper,
while the tertiary skirts were white and
light. The outside dress was of pure white
material, but it was covered with designs in
to- hroa 10 ,fasr ...1.
representation of the Washington monu-
ment as originally designed, surrounded by
flowers and leaves of the most exquisite
tints, while the rear breadths were orna-
mented with landscapes in which the wild
scenery of the western backwOods was
accurately represented. The dress being
designed for evening wear, was cut low in
the neck, and rugged with pompadour sleeves
and ornamental with gussets en- echelon.
The short sleeves were reinforced with
undersleeves of tinted tissue paper, beauti
fully scalloped, and belt made of a dozen
yards of wall paper bordering encircled the
wearer's waist. Not stitch of thread or
single button, hook or pin was used in these
unique garments, and they were put to-
gether exclusively with mucilage. The good
physician assisted his wife to dress, and found
fault with this system of fastening, since, as
he pointed out, he would be compelled to
steam her before she could remove single
garment She, however, explained that her
use OF mucilage was merely temporary, and
that she should ultimately devise method
of adapting buttons to paper.
The new paper costume was to be intro
duced to the public at party to be gwen by
the physician and his vile. That party was
given last Tuesday night and will be mem
orable in the annals of Clinton. The guests
were filed with admiration of the paper
dress. and when the wearer made brief
speech explaining its merits and proving its
superiority in all respects TO cotton, silk or
wool, it was conceded that her arguments
were unanswerable. Whether the dress
would have stood the test of Waiting in a
crowded room is not certain, for as the ply
stefan was deacon in the local Baptist soci-
ETY., waltzing was not allowed in his house.
The wearer managed it with care, and ii was
not once torn throughout the whole even
ing.
About 10 o'clock waiter bearing large
soup tureen full of lemonade, and followed
by another waiter with glasses and other
aids to refreshments entered the room and
approached table placed in a corner. The
physicians wife happened to be seated on
an ottoman engaged in conversation with
bashful young theological student and the
waters were compelled to pass very near to
her. Why the one who carried the lemon
ade stumbled will probably never be knowns
That he did stumble, and thereby emptied
six gallons of lemonade upon the lap and
shoulders of the hostess, is unfortunately
true. OF course, the lady shrieked, and
springing to her feet prepared to withdraw
from the room in order to repair damages.
Those who were present say that the paper
melted like snow on an overheated griddle.
Before she had taken dozen steps the paper
garments began to fall in pieces The scene
that followed was frightful. Strong men
put their handkerchiefs to their mouths TO
suppress their cries and shook with terror.
The bashful theological student tainted and
had not the physician rushed from the room
and returned with a waterproof cloak the
extent to which the erosion of strata by the
action OF water would have reached can not
be thought of without the most painful
emotions. OF course, it was not necessary
for the physician to steam his unhappy wife
that evening, but this was but slight con-
soistion to him, and was insufficient to pre-
vent him from denouncing paper garments
in language which was probably scientific,
bat which Will hardly bear reproduction.