Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-06-05

Humorous.
The lightnirg-rod agents will soon be
gin to operate. Spare the rod-bu
spoil the agent.
"Yes," said man as he bent his Ell
bow to raise the twentieth glass of beer
it is overwork that kills"
Don't spank your children with the
bootjack. 1t is too hard to hold, and
is apt to make bunions on your thumb
-Haaokeye
When you see fellow talking to a
lamp-pOst, you can make up your mind
he is prompted by bad spirits. -Pon
Chester Journal.
Mr.. Post, of Ohio, who is nearly 100
years old, is missing. He is probably
held for postage somewhere.-Free
Press
We hear that within the last twenty
four hours several hundred Fenians
have been struggled into Canadian
packages labeled Canned Fruit
Buffalo Ea,press
Stickney, the circus man, says the
feat Of turning q triple somersault has
never been done successfully in public,
and every one who has attempted to do
it has been killed in the attempt.
cav from Titusville, see," said the
magnificent hotel clerk to the guest
who had just booked "You are in oil,
[ take it" In oil !" numbered the
farmer. "No; do you suppose I'm a
sardine?"
The following is given as a freman's
toast: The ladies-the only incendia-
ries who kindle a flame which water
will not extinguish."
A produce dealer reports that beets
are unusually large this season. Hotel
keepers declare that they were large
enough last year.
1t is probably some satisfaction to a
mule to know that while he cannot
soar as high as the lark, he can sing
Just as loud, and kick very much sorer.
What is it that bumps down the ofice-stair
Tripped up on the landing unaware.
By the editor bounding from his lair?
lis the poet of spring, with the wavy hair.
Puck.
Until the middle or latter part of
June congress will receive share OF
attention, but after that thel will be no
reason why the public mind should not
be wholly devoted to base ball.-Indiu11-
apoHs Journal
Several years ago a young man in
New Orleans put a sum of money in a
savings bank, and forgot all about it
until recently, when, after reckoning up
the interest, it was found that-the bank
had failed.
There was two or three hours OF
bright, unclouded, rainl ess, glorious sun
shine in this part of Iowa yesterday,
which give rise to the rumor that Pro
fessor lice had been hanged by mob.
Burlington HaWkeye.
Edison has perfected fog-horn that
can be heard ten miles, but when it
comes to an invention for getting his
hired girl up in the morning, he smiles
sadly and falls to musing on the inf
mite Uhca Observer
"Why is it, my dear sir" said Waf
f1es' landlady to him the other day
that you newspaper men never get
rich?" 81 do not know" was the re-
ply, Except it is that dollars and sense
do not always travel together
1t is very true that George Washing
ton never told lie, but then his wife
never made him say he would spade uI
the side flower beds and the verbens
mound in the front yard, before he
went down to the ofice-Bulingto1
Hawkeye.
Swell-"I want you to make me g
short coat, without tails or seams in the
back. Do you know what I mean?'
German tailor" Yaas, yaas, [ know
vat you want. You want a strait
jacket"
George M. Baker is the author of q
new play for children, entitled s'The
Fairy Of the Fountain" He says he
wrote it for his children, and that il
contains ten speaking characters and a
chorus. We don't wish to get unneces
sarily excited, but how many children
has Mr.. Baker got ?-Danbuy Neaus.
The young man whose fancy lightly
turned to thoughts of love, about a
month ago, had better begin to buckle
down to business, and provide a sinking
fund against the advent Of the ice cream
season.
"Can you tell me where Washing
toms Monument is?'' asked rural gen
tleman in Charles street, Baltimore, the
other day. Just lift your eyes off the
ground" said the person addressed
rather tartly, and you'll see it." "Well
| hev lifted my eyes, D said the rural par
ty, looking his informant calmly in the
face. can l don't see nuthin' but q
darned old fool" r-.
These are the days when the woman
of the house lights down like an appari
ton in the midst of the domestic gard
en-, swinging broom, Tapping hel
skirts, kicking sideways with both feet
at once, swapping her eyes, humping
her back and screeching "Shew there!
Shewp It's hens.
He rushed upon her with a rush.
He Kissed her with kiss;
ua Nod har yard yritb