The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-10-19
VARIETY.


VARIETY.
At the Old Bailey Counsel to witness)-
" You're nice sort Of fellow, you are - Wit
ness I'D say the same of you, sir, on'y I'm
on my oath ;"
ss What is vision ?'' asked teacher of
class of small girls. brght-eyed little crea-
ture arose and answered, &" Information on the
BRAIN
An editors wife presented him with fine
boy one night last week, and he went straight
to the Office, and headed a red-hot editorial
on the census " Abreast of the Times"
A Virginia woman refuses to marry bald
headed man, though he is millionaire. She
explained 's We'd have a family fight some
time, and he has no hair to catch hold of.
The fact that George Washington s wife never
asked where he had been when he came home
late at night, goes great way toward account
ing for his extreme truthfulness.
Professor. Can you multiply together con-
crete numbers?' The class uncertain.
Professor" What will be the product of five
apples multiplied by six potatoes ?'' Freshman
(triumphantly)-" HASH"
Lightning recently knocked knitting needle
out of the hand of young lady in Montreal.
She accepts it as a hint that she must stop
knitting, and urgently hopes to have the same
experience with regard to sweeping, washing
dishes and similar foolishness.-BufaLo Err
press
A skeptic who was badgering simple-minded
old man about miracles and Balaam's ass finally
said 90 How is it possible for an to talk
like a man?'' 4" Well," replied the honest old
believer, with meaning emphasis, '' don't see
why it amt as easy for an ass to talk like
man as it is for man to talk like an ass ~
A celebrated writer says: No woman can
be a lady who can wound or mortify another.
No matter how beautiful, how refined or how
cultivated she may be, she is in reality, coarse,
and the innate vulgarity of her nature maniiests
itself here. Uniformly kind, courteous and
polite treatment of all persons is one mark
of true woman.
Mrs. Partington's Ike writes from Manhattan
Beach that he saw ' the elite alight, the calcium
light, moonlight. the electric light and daylight
through his mothers pocketbook."
There is no picnic ant, however Iowly,
That . livelihood must toll and beg,
But lifts the largest nan mp, grandly, slowly,
When 1T goes browsing up his trowsers leg
There is no little bee, however humble,
That gathers summers sweets for winters store.
But has, by prodding with his tiny humble,
Made great men writhe and howl and grosn and
q should just like to see somebody try to
abduct me-" said Mrs. Smith at the breakfast
table the other morning. sH'ml so should
/, my dear-so should t. said Mr.. Smith,
with exceeding earnestness.
A doctor, attending wit who was very i'll.
apSiogized for being late one day by saying
that he had to stop to see man that had
fallen down a we'll 81 Did he kick the bucket,
doctor p inquired the other.
In alluding to the demoralizing effects of
the yellow fever at Memphis, the Araldnche
saws s Parents have deserted children, and
children parents. husbands their wives, but
not one wife husband"
The sBoston Transcript tells of young man
who modestly applied for n vacation and made
remark to the effect that he was engaged to be
married, and that if nobody objected he would
like to be there when the clergyman began.
Divine Wisdom, intending to detain us some
time on earth, has done well to cover with a
veil the prospect of our life to come for If
our sight could clearly distinguish the opposite
bank, who would remain on this tempestuous
coast?
Tt is related of the late Bailie Peyton of Ten
nessee that he was great admirer and friend
of Sergent S. Prentiss, the gifted New England
er who went south and gained such a reputa-
tion for oratory. AT wing mass meeting
in Nashville in 1914, Prentiss made an unusu-
aIIy brilliant speech, and, not being very well
tainted from exhaustion at the close. Peyton
believing that such speech had never been
delivered before, extremely enthusiastic
and bending over the orators unconscious figure
exclaimed, g Don't come to, Prentiss. Now
is YOUR time to die; for this is the completion
and culGaination of your fame" Prentiss did
not follow the advice. He lived six years after
that, and died at Al, having achieved the fame
of one Of the most eminent of American orators
Many of his admirers regarded him as superior
to Henry Clay.
The following is an extract from a speech
made by Democratic lawyer, of Charleston
$. c., to colored audience, which has found
It's way to Republican headquarters:
Each of you represent 5000. You would have
brought that in 1860. You were freed without
our consent, and now, if you will vote the Demo
cratic ticket, we will make the Yankees pay fol
YOU, and then we will give you half of the
money. There stands old Uncle Jim. He hai
a wife and eight children, for which the nortl
will lave to pay $4,000, once half of which
will give him, and the rest [ keep. Then b.
will not be dependent upon charity. This, m,
dear colored friends, Is the practical solution
of the forty acres and mule question, an,
YOU will some day be lifted from your provert
fy your old masters. Only vote the Democratic
ticket, and we will soon be independent of tn
>.nntnrnntihls yantAes-