South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-04-19


p0-A lady had a custom or saying
to favorite little dog TO make him fol-
low her. "Come along. SIR A would
be-witty gentleman stepped up TO her
one day and accosted her with. lis it
me, madam, you called?" ooh no, sir"
said the lady with great composure, lit
was another puppy / spoke TO-"
VAn OIL bachelor was rather taken
aback day or two since as follows
Picking mp book. he exclaimed, upon
seeing q woodcut representing q man
kneeling at the foot Of woman. Be-
fore would ever kneel to a woman 1
would encircle my neck with rope and
stretch it," And then, turning to a
young woman, he enquired, "Do you
not think It would be the best thing /
could dor" at would undoubtedly be
the best for the woman" was tie sar-
castle reply. akkffE ar
~"How are You getting on az your
new placer" asked lady Of girl whom
she had recommended for situation.
VERY well, thank you," answered the
girl. "rm glad to hear it," said the la.
dy. Your employer is a very nice la.
dy, and you cannot do too much for
her. IL don't mean to, ma'am," was
the innocent reply.
VAn old darkey who was asked if in
his experience prayer was ever answer
ed, replied well sab, some pra' ars is
ansud an some ish':--'pends on wat
you axes TO- Jest arter de wah, wen
it was mighty hard scratchin' TO de cul-
lud breddern, 'bsaryed dat w'enebber
pway de Lord to SEN one Of Marse
Peyton's fat turkeys 70 de ole man dere
was no notice took Of de partition, but
wen / pway dat he would SEN de old
man TO de turkey de matter was tend {.
ell to befo' sun.up mex mornin, dead
sartenr' sr.-,...
VJndge Jeffries. ~hen on the bench,
told an old fellow~with a. long beard,
that he supposed lie had a. conscience
as long as his beard. Does your lord
ship" replied the old man, sheasure
conscienees by boards ? If SO, your
lordship has none at ALL.
ITS WICKED TO SHwEAR." Two
Germans, fresh from st. Louis visited
New York, and one, well acquainted
with the City, invited lis friend to Del.
monico's, where dinner for two and a
bottle Of wine were ordered. The place
and fare were praised until the bill OF
Sll was presented. This they consi
dered an extortion. They paid, how.
ever, and while walking down Broad
way the excited German commenced to
swear at tue supposed extortion. His
friend then said, "Do not shwear, Yaw
cub" 1t is wicked to shwear. God
has punished dot man Delmonico.'
How" 81 have mine pocket full NIT
spoons" 81
VA Chicago chap advertises for
steady girls to help on pantaloons. =
A fellow who can't help on his own
pantaloons, ought to be ashamed to
want girls to do it.
k-Ss-ss.
EV At wedding recently, when the
clergyman asked the lady, wilt thou
have this man to be thy welded hus
band" she, with modesty which lent
her beauty an additional grace, replied,
If you please
"a He appeared to be almost gone
Rolling bis eyes toward the partner oil
his bosom, lie gasped, Bury me meath
the weeping willow, and plant simple
white rose above my bead oh, it's nc
use she snapped out. Your nose would
scorch the root He got we'll
~ Come, don't be timid,' said q cou
pie of foolish snobs to two mechanics ;
sit down & make yourselves our equals.
We'd Lave to blow our brains out to do
that was the reply.
Iva lady on the WeStside was jok.
cd the other day about her nose, which
has an inclintion to turn up. All, DC
not say anything about my nose. had
nothing TO do in shaping it. 1t was a
birthday present!
- Boz pardon for steppino ON Yonr