The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-01-03
Bijah and his Honor.
Detroit Fles Press

DlJan fWneeleu tleHl 1BVO pOsltloH UelUIt
the desk, he explained
They are both. .furreigners, and there
wasn' t d man in the house who could
write their names. 4 think they are
both Hitalians.
One of 'em may be-" replied his
Honor, as he glanced from one to the
other, nbut this short one must be a
Lowtalian. There's nothing high about
him"
Bijar fell back to- consult the jokes
he had sehalked on the corridor door to
see if this was among them, and not
finding it, he wrote; Lowtalian means
low Hitalian. Pun is on the name
Hirar1lu
Oneeofkt the prisoners was an old man
with a mouth for beerfbut no ear fen
music. Z. The other was q boy oftffteen
with 4 good mouth to sing the sad songs
,of Italy and a hsnkering. to be paid for
it. The iirstswas slipping beer in Rus
sell Street saloon and wondering why
pas .smells SO bad and costs so much,
when the sweet singer came in and be
gan playing and singing. His song was
Intended to arouse all the latentrecollecr
tionso an old mans boyhood days. 1t
ran.
HYo-o-o-o-o-h--ho-ye je-oh,
Yi-hi--je-je-hi-yi-hi,
Jehi- -yeoh- he-je-yi--- -
And go home with the gals in the morning.
The boy sang it over and over until he
felt that he was justly entitled to a cent,
andHhen he reached out to collect the
cash. The old man not only repudiated
the song and its tender sentiment, but
gruiHy commanded:
go und blay some songs init der
dogs on dot old shewsharpl"
It was a brief conflict. They clinched
-struggled-and one of the numerous
elbows Hopping around went through a
pane of glass and brought a policeman
to the scene.
"No need of any explanation" said
the court. while / lament the fact
that music seems to be gradually losing
r. grip on the American heart, / also
realize that a busted harp and boy
who hasn't washed his face for six weeks
are not entitled to levy a tax on the
groaning public. You are both fined
five dollars each, and l advise you to
make up good friends and arrange a
scale of notes satisfactory to both"
MORE TWINS.
They also came out together. One
was strapping big fellow with legs as
long as farmers cord of wood, and the
other was a dried-up young man with a
bad eye and feeble voice.
CHOW, begin at the east end of the
procession and tell your stories in rapid
succession" said the court, and the
strapping b. f. blew his nose and began:
"Wel1, sir, / had just stepped into the
saloon when four or five fellers hit me q
crack, and the next thing / knew this
officer gave me the collar. That's all l
remember, sir"
Then the young man with an f. v.
gave his Honor one of the signs used by
the Sonsof Malta, and said:
! !" Well, sir waf standing there, when
Mller lifted me clear Off my feet by a
schug under the ear, and was trying to
fall down, when the officer clawed out
for me.
The officer in the case then came for
ward, drew a long breath, and said:
When / went in, this small one had
this big one down, and was pounding
him good and stout. They were the
only two who-had any trouble"
Il" 1t is wonderful how great men differ
in statements of facts" observed his
honor, as he picked up his new pen.
While it may be possible that neither
of you prisoners were in the saloon at
sll, and that there was no fight, and
that you are two peaceful lambs, l pro-
pose to take chances and fine you five
dollars each"
They had no cash and went up for
thirty days arm in arm
PETERS PLAYFUL PERFORMANCES.
Peter O'Brien, young man with Q
determination to become Governor Of
Michigan some day, pleaded guilty te
being shoemaker, but when it came to
pleadingguilty to beingdrunk and annoy,
ing several shoemakers on Twentieth
Street, he declared that it was "awl" 8
mistake.
The officer said that John was in the
habit of imbibing enough liquor to make
him both ugly and foolish, and of theI
entering shoeshops andsinging songs ane
creating row where perfect harmony
before existed. One of his songs ran:
slam pegging my way along,
But cannot always last;
Ny soul will wear-my uppers will tear,
And my stitching will soon be past"
Another way of annoying the Crispin
was to ask conundrums like the follow
ing:
weeks ole like 'er horse? Cause 'e
can't climb 'er tree-hawl haw! haw !!
"John O'Brien, if you were a rea
good boy you'd be reading Milton
Paradise Lost instead of laying your
self out on such conundrums. | can
have you bothering men who have go
work and want to work. If you've &c
time to loaf around andget drunk you'v
got time to go to the House of Corret
| tion for thirty days"
II haven't haVen'tW proteste
John.
| But he had.
A LONESOME MAN.
| There were six of them. Six pairs {
old boots all pointed one way, and 81
heads with hair and straw about equal
divided were raised above the desl
Five were white men, or would hay
been if washed and seraped, while I'll
!, fifth was Mr.. White, negro.
His natural modesty made him har
back and come out last, and when full
out he seemed lonesome and dow
hearted.
"Mr. White, are these your friends
, asked the Court.
"No, sab" he answered, as he'look'
along the line. 81 liz kinder hard l
sab, an poor off, sab, an black, sab, b
E dis hain't my crowd It all. l denies d
: / knows soul of 'em, sab. fet
' mighty lonesome in such company,
a does"
: swell, Pll sentence you first, if y
e prefer"
: I'.does, sab. I'll take my soup
: one plate alone, an den you kin spo
o out for all de odders to once. Pll ia
y fo' months, sab"
+ You shall have it, Mister Viii
h There it is, and you can now fall ba
# and associate with some secluded corl
~ till the omnibus line moves up"
!; HYes sah-IZe fallin'-iZe fell