The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-03-29

4neir snoes are soleo before they go IN
to the market.
The editor of the New York Express
calls out to the buxom ladies In full
dress, Pull up your vest
The young queen of Spain has
pfayerboOk to match each of her church
dresses. This must be very acceptable
to the Lord.
what Is money 7? asks an exchange.
Money is the missing link between
| several hundred of our subscriyers and
the editor
A-negro in Newton county, Georgia,
Is credited with the possession of q foot
twenty-three inches long.
A member of the society for the
prevention of cruelty to animals caus-
ed the Imprisonment of q cow which
had been licking her calf.
It was the milkman that found the
dead body of a man under the bridge
in Albany. But perhaps that fact is
not significant. Indeed, the water may
have been frozen over.
A Mrs. Wasp, of Canandaigua, N.
Y, committed suicide the other day.
Perhaps in view of this sad event, it
were superfuous to exclaim, Oh, grave
where is thy sting?
In 1910 there were 100000 sheep in
Connecticut: there are now 1000. 1t
| really looks as If the sheep bushes had
gone to the dogs.-New Haven Reg
| lister.
The editor of child's paper received
letter from lady subscriber, recent
ly, in which was written: 'Oar Annie
died last week, after reading the last
number of your valuable paper;
A story from Natick can hardly oe
| believed. It is said that a man broke
open the tomb where his wife had re-
Gently been buried, and took the rings
| off her fingers and the slippers from
| her feet and sold them.
A sweet, blue eyed Nevada bride,
| clad in gOssamer tulle, remarked,a las the
clergyman Joined her han with that
of her lover: I'll be gol darned if
don't believe that plaster's striking
through the back of my Dress
Mrs. GaYitt, of Hardinburgh, Ulster
county, has named her new born trip
lets, Tilden, Hayes, and Wheeler.
We're sorry for Hendricks. but sup
pose it couldn't be helped. The major
ity, however, is on the right side.
An English gentleman committed
suicide few days ago leaving a paper
to say that he did so because his wife
was great deal too good for him
Right here stepped in the coroner's ju-
ry with the verdict that he was insane.
An ingenious Italian has made an
invention whereby he produces on the
piano sustained notes, such as can be
obtained from all wind instruments,
and from the violin family. The name
of the new instrument is tmelo piano"
Sir said boarding house keeper
to patron who was making fearful in
roads on the butter, Sir, do you know
that butter cost sixty cents pound
Its worth 1t, ma'am,' said the una
Dashed boarder as he helped himself to
a fresh slice, 'every cent OF 1t, ma'am.'
An outside passenger by a coach had
his hat blown over a bridge and carried
away by the stream. SIS it not very
singular said he to a gentleman who
was seated beside him, that my hat
has taken that direction?' Not at all, ,
replied the latter; sit is natural chat a
beaver should take to the water
A Newport R. L, Methodist, thor
ougEly warmed up in meeting the 9TH
er day, exclaimed: Sand I tell you
what it is, there is no use for any one
trying to keep me from God, for IL 1
was shut up in a barrel would shout
through the bung hole, Praise the
Lord.''
A Pennsylvania tramp's hair turned
white all of q sudden the other morn
ing. It subsequently transpired that
he had been cornered by SEINE Dhilan-
thropist with an offer of q chance to
get steady work and make an honest
living, and the shock to his nerves was
too great.
The Marquis OF Lorne, Victoria's SON.
in-law, has prepared new version of
David's Psalms, and a popular brand
of whisky has been named after him
but q Chicago Times letter asserts
/ that he is mercilessly snubbed by all
his royal relatives. Call no man hap
py who marries the daughter of q
hempress.
| A gentleman carried q letter of in
| PRODUCTION from friend to q stranger.
The stranger received him coolIy, and
showed him the door. a little invest
igatiOn showed him the reason. The
letter said: Treat him like trump;'
but the stranger read it, Treat him like
a tramp
| Mr.. Pillgilder went home the other
night considerably intoxicated and af-
flicted with double vision. He sat for
come time with his sleepy gage riveted
on Mrs. Pillgilder and then quietly
remarked: well (hIc), hope z boiler
# you old gals don't look enuff alike to
be (hic) twins,
A Massachusetts, man gave his note
for a church subscription, and at matu-
rity failed to pay. The note was put
In suit, and, after much delay and sun
tdry appeals, the supreme court has
now decided that note thus given,
without consideration, does not carry
with it an obligation to pay.
IAN honest mans the nobIest work
of God said one of our distinguished
preachers LAST Sunday, and the report
er faithfully put it down. But an I'M
sanctified typo made it read: tAn hon.
est mans the nobbiest work of Grd.'
| A clerical Englishman continually
pestered by his teetoEai brethren to
| Join The Church Of England Temper
ance Association sends them post
card with Proverbs, Xxx, ST. written
on il. The verses read thus: tGIVe
strong drink unto him that Ia ready to
perish, and wine unto those that be of
heavy hearts. Let him drink and for
get his poverty and remember his
misery no more
A contemporary referred In his local
columns TO q bracelet lost by an esti-
mable young lady of this city, and re-
Iquested the finder to leave It at her res
idence. The compositor set it up
'breeches LOST and the proof reader
let it go at that. The young lady says
she would nos advertise in that paper
again If she was TO lose forty Thousand
dollars worth OF jewelry.
i
A very little boy had one day done
wrong, and he was sent, after paternal
correction, to ask in secret the forgive
ness of his Heavenly Father. His Of
Tense was passion. Anxious to hear
what he would say, his mother follow
ed to the door of his room. In lisplng
i accents she heard him ask to be made
better, and then, with chILdIike sim
plicity, he added: Lord, make mas
temper bstter, too
A popular doctor of Utica, while es-
Icortfng lady home the ether evening,
attempted 70 relieve her cough and sore
throat BY giving her . troche. He
told her 60 allow il 60 gradually dis
solve in her mouth. No relief was ex-
j ..o-Eonaor1 and che 7rae<,s e,.nk <xs.es-.