Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1878-01-25
Demonstrating He'll.

AA0lt Ldu Ilo eNISttiCe except Ill pFlnt-
ers ink, and that its bounds were de-
fined by sheep-Skin and paste. emboss-
ed with the bronze and gold-leaf Of
the orthodox creed of faith, the relig-
ious world paused for 4 moment to re-
cover from the stun. But, as Il blind
horse under q flash of lightning. there
was a sensation Of light, but surround
ing objects were not rendered any
more detinable, and the world paid no
more attention to it 50 long Us there
was plenty of hay and oats in the
manger.
Hell is an orthodox necessity; and
perhaps no man has contributed more
to make it so than Mr.. Beecher. and il
those men had taken Il little time to
consider the loss and Inconvenience
their announcement was to Introduce
into the world, they would doubtless
have taken the precaution to prepare
the world for its reception, by cooling
1T off gradually, and not have turned
their watering pots upside down on it
before the other churches had time Is
change their clothes and get on their
tlannels and furs, But Beecher, either
from his impetuouS characteristics.
or, as matter Of immediate personal
necessity, and without even ringing
the bell at the crossing. plunged into
the chasm, and upset Il whole cargo of
nan storms and northwest winds
right into the pit, and the result Of the
sudden change of temperature in the
religious atmosphere has been daplor-
able; for there is scarcely an orthodox
church or minister i'll the land but is
suffering more or less with acute thpo-
logical rheumatism, neuralgia, pleuro
pneumonia, or paralysis while Beech
en- at the same time, having dressed
himself for the occasion, feels no in
convenience from the sudden transit
ton, but, on the contrary, rather ENJOYS
it; and, instead of rejecting on the
questionable nature Of his rash act,
complacently brushes the perSpiration
from his brow, and remarks: THAT
WHICH CANNOT BE STUNNED MUST
BE REMOVED
And when the enemies of Beecher
around New York and BROOKLYN, and
the smaller ministers and local preach
ers of the country, who are accustom-
ed to eating their bread and butter off
red hot affairs, saw what he had done.
they all exclaimed in one breath
THAT'S RATHER COOL"
But, aside from the disrelish the
ministers of the orthodox churches
entertain for cold gospel spread with
cold butter, there are other considera-
tions far more weighty. The idea of
smothering up he'll with il blanket.
saturated in the frigid pool of neees-
lty, is rather agreeable than otherwise
to the personal interests Of zach indi-
vidual; but the depriving us of Il CON
venlent and proper place in which to
DestoW our enemies iSa consideration
not so cadlly quenched. This sudden
closing UP Of the drafts, and stopping
the vent ilues of the fiery furnace il
engendering all kinds of maladies
among the ministers Of the orthodox
churches. Some are already wheeling
with the quinSy; some are suffering
| with bronchial inilamations: some arc
snuvylng and snording with catarrhal
liberation; some are wrestling with
perpetual chills with no alternating
fever except what is supcrinduced by
the artificial appliances f wearing
hot sand bags under the arms
Another baneful influence this an
ti-gehema doctrine is welding among
] the people Heretofore we have been
permitted to use he'll us a great uni
yersal sewer, into which we were ut
liberty 70 consign orr all enemies; es-
pecally those who differed with us in
reIi9ion-spirtualists, democrats, kick
ing mules, musial cats, mothers-in-
law,creditors who asked us for money
or any any other commodity that was
offensive to US; but now. the thought
of dwelling through the inGnitude OF
j ages with those hell-deserying neigh
bors, who have devoted i lifetime to
our speci&l annoyance, has a tendency
70 weaken orr aspirations for heaven
and dim the luster If IT'S former ideal
glory.
! saw q man the otherday sitting on
the top " picket fence. anparantlY