The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1878-06-12
WORLDLY WAITS.

A misunderstanding married. No
1t you marry a widow.
"GOing to Paris? Non, non, mon
sleur, Jenai pas lie spondulex.
Sixty years ago the fastest horse
only made a mile in three minutes.
The inventor of the coal oil STOW,
was bachelor, but a close observer
A little boys first pair of trouser
always fit if the pockets are deer
enough.
He was generous TO a fault
That is just what is the matter witt
some of US. We treat our faults toc
kindly.
A Californian has been found VIII,
tells the truth. He was not found
telling 1t however. He tells it when
he sees it.
Let us not condemn all the bank
Presidents. Let us remember thai
there are two or three who really
haven't been foupd out.
A guilty conscience makes YOU feel
that every man you meet has lust
learned your secret and is looking at
you with scOrnful curiosity.
" There is no discount on the most
perfect happiness" A rather pretty
little cOnceit written by brother mar.
agrapher one week after marriage.
A railroad eating-house is a place
where trains stop long enough to allow
Plous-looking man, formerly a colo
mel, to collect one dollar from each
passenger.
1t may be encouraging to the small
boy to know that Senator Morrissey
was not only selfmade, but that he
was at one time a partner in sixteen
faro banks.
A sailing car is used for pleasure on
the Kansas Pacific Railroad. II il
sloop rugged, has four wheels, and will
run forty miles an hour when the wind
is favorable.
Death-bed repentance is like those
sailors who throw their valuables over
board in a storm. They wouldn't do
It If they could hely it, and are sorry
that they must.
Bishop Haven told a class of voung
men who were learning the Occupa-
ton of preaching that warmed-up old
sermons were worse than warmed-up
buckwheat cakes.
Sour looks make the time seem lone.
but when the heart is cheerful the
hours are only notes in a merry piece
OF music, which leave a pleasant echo
behind as they trip away.
"The moon is always just the same,
he said languidly, land vet / always
find some new beauty in it," ats lust
so with the circus. she responed. He
took the hint and bought tickets for
two.
A boy with a patch ON his knee
can't he hired to go OH an errand TO
the next house, but he will follow a
band wagon all over town and never
realize that he isn't dressed in broad
cloth.
An lrishmsn who stood near the third
base watching a game of base ball YES
terdiy, was sent to the grass by foul
which struck him under the fifth rib.
"a fowl, WIZ IT'D Begorra thought
it wuz a mule"
Exercise your patience for awhile
and you will get practice" said the
old physician to the young doctor who
had recently ''put up his Single"
Yes but | don't have any patients to
exercise. was the reply.
Little fveyear-old is having her
first experiences of spring in the
country. Looking at a pear tree in
full bloom. the other day, she exclaim-
ed: "why, mamma! Just look at
that tree. Its all covered with pop
corn.
Buzz sauce-Honey. Veil Of tears
Grape. A dead set-The coroners's
jury. Close quarters-The laundry.
A put up jOb-HOisting your umbrella.
A small-sOled mana wearer of No. S
shoes. Mines his business-Senator
Jones, of Nevada.
The omission of the word "while"
from the following sentence, uttered by
one of the members of the Farmers
Club yesterday, made it appear to be
n somewhat extravagant statement:
81 saw some pofato-huQs. a few DAYS
ago, digging a Post-hole."
The Graphic saws the razor was
never invented, that it ALWAYS existed. !
and is known TO be over ten thousand |
years old. That releases somebody \
from an awful rrsronsibilitv.-ICin-
cinnati Breakfast Table. Adam and /
Eve were the frat razors. And they
raised Cain.-[Max Adler.
A New Jersey editor was recently !
sent to the renitentiarv for libel. They
USUALLY fine an editor one cent for that
OfenSe. hut in this case the probability |
ia. that owing to n lack Of advertising
and scarcity of job work. the poor
fellow couldn't raise the money, and |
was glad tn compromise on six months
You need not he afraid of giving too
much. the old cOlored pastor said. eff
nnv oh Won know oh any church wat
died oh liberalitv, ies tell vhar it Is.
an viii make n pilgrimage to it. an
by de soft light oh dc pale moon 7 will 1
crawl upon its moss-coverpd rnof an 1
write upon de tnpmOst shingle. Blessed !
am de dead who die in de Lord"
II indicates want Of education in
natural history. but it was certainly
very fInnv. when the young lady wrote