Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1878-03-28
PaStinie.

"AOAS NON4N gOO CC. -AAOACs .Ou1
Honor"
Don't tell an editor how to run 6
newspaper. Let the poor fool find il
out himself.
a subscriber thirty years in arrears
settled up with Kingston paper the
other day.
A "dastard rival" of the West,
states that the editor of the - "was
kicked last Saturday and now stands
up to do his scissoring"
A paper in Dixon, Ky, complains
that the hogs scraping their backs
on the floor joists of the church put
solemn thought to hasty fight.
ADanbury boy wants to know If il
is right for his folks to pay $500 for q
piano for his sister, and make him
pick berries for his circus money!
DGnJury Nelcs
The demand for ready made ser
mons has become so great in Eng
land that they are to be had neatly
Autographed for the small price OF
two shillings per dozen.
A dead Chicago man has had a
five-ton monument erected to his
memory by his widow, and the
lawyer who got the divorce from his
successor has got lien on it.
The following is copy Of notice
displayed in field in South London;
Ladies and gentlemen are requested
not to steal turnips. Other persons,
il detected, will be prosecuted"
Minnesota has more miles OF rail-
road than Massachusetts, the former
having 1905, and the latter 1853. In
1868 Massachusetts, had 1882. and
Minnesota only 81 miles.
A fire. eating resident of Bangor,
Me-, has challenged the reporter Of a
local paper for emitting his name
from social paragraph, and now
has the satisfaction OF seeing himself
in print.
"Three towering intellects," says
an Atlanta paper, "met accidentally
yesterday on the street stephens,
Hill and Toombs. The three intel
lects shook hands and walked off to
the depot.
Nebraska named a town Wander
bilt, and then wrote to the Comodore.
He replied he didn't care d-n, and
the way they changed the name of
that town would have made his hair
stand Oh end.
The vitality Of some people is SIM
ply astonishing. There is a long,
haired youth at Buffalo, who has
written 700 verses, the refrain to
which is. "Pm dying, mother, dying
ana WlthaI he isn't dead.
Owing to a war among the dry
goods merchants at Denver, calicoes
were reduced to two cents per yard,
and every editor, reporter and minis
ter in the place now wears a shirt
gaudy in some instances, but still
shirt.
A Georgia bride is described in one
of the local papers Is "looking
very lily, Graded in the golden glim-
mer of some evening lake--a foam
fleck. snowy, yet sun-fushed, crown
ing the ripplings Of some soft South
ern sea.
"What is that, children?" asked
young pastor, exhibiting to his Sun
day school a magic-lantern picture
of poor sinner clinging to a cross
towering out of stormy waves in
miG-ocean. Robinson Crusoe" was
the instant reply.
A Clay County auctioneer pulled
out a revolver and announced; "If
any man goes to frolicking around
while the sale is going on shall in
terrupt him in his career. Put them
shot guns over by the fence an leave
EN- there"
The editor Of a new paper in Ne
braska, begins his introductory arti-
Gle with the following sentence:
"The object in view in the establish
ment of this paper is the procuring of
means wherewith to buy bread and
butter and good clothes"
whats your business?" asked a
Judge of prisoner at the bar"
well I s'pose you might call me a
when did you last
work at your trader" "Last night;
when 1 heard a call for the perlece, I
made bolt for the front door,"
The local editor OF the Jacksonville
compliments the honesty
Of the post master at that place be-
cause letter containing a ten dollar
bill addressed to an oldnegro woman,
was promptly delivered to the party
FOR whom it was intended.
Eyes like diamonds, hair like
vexed mass OF golden feathers, a
faultlcss form. and hand which no
man can look upon without an in
tense desire to kiss, are portions OF
description Of young lady who is
captain of a schooner that trades
with Houston, Texas.
A Georgia paper recently contained
the following item in its society gos-
sip: "The amiable and delicious