, 1878-04-05
Wit and HumOr.

week makes it unnecessary to further
muzzle dogs.
GENTLEMEN's vests are made this sea-
son with handles on them-to pull them
down, you know.
IT frequently happens that men have q
party when they reach their twenty first
birthday. Women never do.
"How can I leave theel" said Adam
to Eve. She made no reply, but calm
" pointed to tig-tree in the distance.
"Ir's never too late to mend" said
tramp, as dog retired with mouth
full of his breeches, about twelve o'clock
at night.
A YOUNG Minnesota lawyer exclaimed: :
~ am not here, gentlemen of the jury,
to defend Mr. Minis. In the language
of the immortal Webster he needs no
defense"
NEVER do things by halves, and al
ways go to the root of the matter. A Chi
cago German who wanted to add post
script to letter after he had mailed it
began to dig up the lamppost.
The rising youth feels the need of an
invention that will instantaneously ab-
sorb a lighted cigar, and save him the
trouble and danger of putting it in his
coat pocket when he Unexpectedly meets
either of his parents.
AN Irish soldiers hat fell overheard
and he reported the fact TO the Captain.
The latter replied that he could not stop
the vessel, but that he would make a
nick in the rail at the place where it
fell.
A SCoTCHMAN, overtaken by a heavy
shower of rain, was advised by friend
to run home and get out of the wet.
"Rin2" said he, "what tae wad rim for9
isn't it rainin as fast afore me as ahin
meP"
GENTLEMEN who cannot tell polo
naise from an apron front will bear in
mind the prevailing distinction between
the ear, and the other on the nape of the
neck
"WHY don't you look where you are
going?" said two blind men simulta-
neously on the Bowery yesterday, as they
ran against each other. 1t required the
aid of bystander to keep them from a
quarrel.
PROFESSOR DARWIN points to our own
George Francis Train as notable ex-
emplar of his theory of evolution. He
intimates that George meanly obstructs
the spread Of science by wearing long
tailed coat.
THE Sultan of Turkey is represented
to possess 700 horses and 600 wives.
BY this admirable arrangement he is en-
abled to always have at least six steeds
free from wind gals and otherwise out
of the hands of the veterinary.
A BOY undertook to torture wasp by
touching lighted match to its body.
The wasp applied its warm side to the
boys hand, and as it flew away it gave
these words of wisdom: "Never try to
beat a man at his own game"
"Ir was simply an informal affair.""
wrote the editor, Of ia little strawberry
party at a neighbor's house. at was
simply an Internal affair."" read the COM
positor, and that editor will never get
any more invitations from that quarter.
THE man who remarks, "When |
lived in New Orleens in the good old
times before the war;" and the other man
who says, "When Twas in. Frisco in 49,"
ought to be tied together over clothes
line, and left there to talk it out be-
tween them.
A LITTLE boy will never willingly re-
linquish any OF his cakes, except his
spank aches.-PhiLddelphiG Bulletin.
And when he grows up and thinks he is
bad fist with pasteboards, and sits till
4 o'clock A. NJ. playing poker and has
his undershirt and boots in the pool, he'll
find it harder to relinquish his last ache,
THERE is on the Erie trains pert,
posturing, silly looking fellow, who is a
''masher"-that is, in Italian, one that
breaks the heart of every lady who sees
him. Not long ago he was posturing
for some girls at the ferry, when he fell
overheard into the slip. As he and his
hat were being fished up some one sang
out "You won't sink, sonny; you're too
nght.'
"WHAT is the matter with youl" in
quired gentleman, who had called to
see his neighbor, a German, of Chicago
"Vell, / don't know-it is the gout;
but Wy should have him3"
"Perhaps," suggested his friend, sit is
hereditary"
81 dink it is hereditary I remem-
Der my vife's uncle have him."
II kinder eats man awful to find
three different shades of hair in his rice
pudding. And when he tackles one Of
the supposed raisins in it, finds, after the
rear wall of his canine tooth is carried
away-it is to be corrugated iron but
ton with glass eye, there isn't preachers
enough in the town to prove to him that
his rayinDs are not DerfeCtly iustit-