Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1878-04-24
WITTICIBNs.

4 Llttle Muy Uutt0fuys
Wide Ascake.
wITT1oIslrs.
EVERY woman can be . good cook il
she tries.
WHETHER it is moro blessed to give
than receive, in 4 good many cases, de-
pends on the position of the individual
with respect to the action.
Mr.. GLADSTONE, with his friend Mr.
Tennyson, paid a visit to the Talking
Oak and inquired its age. ooh, DOM
Ak me! replied the tree.-Fan.
No living wife is aware of her own
value. 1t is only when q railroad com.
pany comes to be sued that husband
begins to learn what a treasure he has
lost.
Buy your next years codfsh now.
When Uncle Sam shells outthat %, ,5OO,-
600 awarded by the Halifax commission
it will cost ~ much - nine dollars to
scent your breath with makerel.
EDISON has got his phonograph 70 far
along that whenever it yells out" There
now!" every married man in the room
throws up both hands to shield his head,
and dodges under the table.
"DoEs your sister Annie ever ny any
thing about me. sissy7" asked an snx-
ious lover of little girl. eyes" was
the reply; "she said II you had rockers
on your shoes they'd make nice cradle
for my doll"
A sUBsCRIBER asks us, "What il good
for wartson horses?" eve don't know
replies the Norristown Herald man.
& We never owned but one pair Of horses
"a w0od-horse and . clOthes-horse-and
they were never troubled with warts."
JUsr returned from 4 trip to Havre:
You will never catch me travelling by
IN excursion train again. Why, sir, at
The station at Havre I lost my cane and
my wife," Then, with his utterancc
choked BY tears, ~ new cane, too
Paris W.T..
In party Of ladies, on its being re
ported that . Captain Silk had arrived
in town, they exclaimed, with One ex-
ception, "What 4 name for . soldierp
'' The fittest name in the world for cap
tain," rejoined the witty one, I" for silk
can never be worsted."
MISTRESS to young servant girl:
Nomad, / told you to come at 81 o'clock."
Nomad: "Yes'm I asked 'em t home.
and they said it was g." Mistress: EYES
but you knew that it was later" No
mad: "Yes'm, know'd = was not 20,
but thought I'd take their word for it"
"BoYs," said . rural school-teacher,
" knowledge never comes without seek
ing. Stick pin there" And then a.
be shot up in his rat like jaKk in tho
box, he offered reward Of Ave dollars for
the boy who had stuck pin there.
NOTHING destroys the appetite 20
quickly ~ the announcement that Jones,
Of whom you have just agreed to accept
ten cents on the dollar, is going to Europe
With his family to spend year. In the
bright lexicon Of cheek there's no such
word a. fail.
"GoD cuth you, boyth, fire at their
hoe buckleth!" is the way Gen. Putnam
yave his order to the troops at Bunker
Hill-the old fellow lisping, and being
iond Of saying "God cuth you." Mrs.
sarah Truman, an old lady of Lebanon,
Y. H., was told the story BY her fasher,
vho was there.
Mn. BARCHoF, of Vermont, bought
fifty dollars worth Of lottery tickets Of :
Sew York concern, and then forwarded
wenty dollars for two hundred and
fifty dollar prize watch. When he re-
,eived brass timekoeper. which the
unk man valued at three dollars, it took
lis bark off clear into the sap.-Com.
Bulletin.
A PIUTE princess in Nevada married
! white man and took him home to
amp, but the coppery aristocrats ruled
him ont ct poker, shaved his head, ca
'essed him with clubs, and informed him
hat his reception had Just begun. He
not to make his home in the
and of the setting sun, and returned to
utilization.
WHAT do you intend to be when you
cave school?" asked Cincinnati teach
r of one Of his boy pupil, the other
lay. II am going to be = gentleman,"
vas the reply. "Well, am glad to hear
hat you are going to make such . great
hange," said the teacher, quietly
lin. Saturday NigM.
A PRACTICAL English clergyman has
Induced the 6hakers residing neax him to
liter one article Of their creed. When
hey called on him 70 bury one Of their
lumber he asked, Il abe dad p and
N receiving the answer, No; che il not
lead, she sleepeth," closed his book and
walked Of, saying, / can't bury one
hat int dead" They agreed to regard
,er a. dead.
"MY love-" said the count 10 his wife,
you remember the secret that q con-
ided to me several days agof Well, !
Inn now authorized to reveal It to you"
!. Thank you for nothing; don't care %
hear il. )" Don't care TO hear it-why ("
. Because you wouldn't tell Il TO mo
hen. A week ago Il VA : secrst; now
i is only news"
SILK stockings should Be washed IN
old water, Laid hat en- : Are towel,
oiled tightly until dry, and rubbed with
j piece Of flannel TO restore the gIoes.
We rave her this /" Hoasehold Hint" and
he presently aid, /" Al, ~ pyesot The
cap and flannel and cold water, but
where's tho fne towel and mix stock
npf MS
PaoMIHnr citissns will congIegate
IN the sidewalk where the balliOn b
piled, awaiting loading on ~ stage, snd
viii pick up and !" "heftn tho heavy hars,
With scarce any apparent exeFtiea. And
ret when the wife Of any enc q those
.ame prominent citisens tells NJ 70
I bring il N arninl ea 700, yoa lazy