Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-01-24
Wit and Hzt711Or.
Never judge man by the color of ras
patch on his pantaloons.

patch on his pantaloons.
Never put off till tomorrow that which,
you can get some one else to do to-day.
''That's very singular said a young
lady to gentleman, who had just kissed
her. 20, We'll, my .sear Miss, will soon
make it nr,,-,l y
The principle resemblance between Il
man who stops team on the crosswalk
of crowded street and sack OF -four is
that both make about a hundred wait
''We find," said coroner's jury out
West, 8 that Bill Thompson came to his
death by holding five aces when Jack Smith
held four; and we find nine aces too many
in any pack
| The Chicago Times heads one of its edi-
torials, ''Lie Number g. Candor is all
very well, says a rival journal. but the
foreman ought to be discharged for letting
his ciphers fall off.
Two men met on the piazza Of the Rail-
| road Hotel, at Lincoln. Nebraska. One
claimed that Nebraska was all good coun-
try, or should be; ''all it Iacks.' said he,
lis good society and water.'' My good
lord.' says the other man, THAT is all
h--ll lacks.''
''rhere is one thing don't like about
these new silver halfdoll;,rs." remarked
the old mall to the grocer. What is
that = asked the merchant. Its SO jolly
hard to part with them" replied the old
fellow, as he doled out a handful.
You can sell your cat for ten dollars in
the Black Hills. 1t will cost you eighty
five dollars to get out there with the cat.
and get home again. but then you will be
rid of the cat, and that is worth one hun
dred and twenty dollars to any one.
A correspondent wants to know if we
think he has Il good business hand. We
do. But if the mark in the upper lett-hand
corner is the imprint of his thumb. we
should judge that half-pound or so of
soap would be necessary to bring it up TO
IN \ mercantile standard
After telegraph-pole had fallen on Il
Savannah negro's head, he threw up his
hands and shouted: Don't hit me again
wild yer club Mr.. Policeman. 1t wasn't
ME dat stole de chickens. 1t was Deacon
Henry Then he looked, saw what hit
him, and walked off, saying, ''Golly. Use
in luck dis mornin'. I'spected dat de po-
liceman had ME suah dat time.''
! There was silence in the school. says
the Danbury Nc,cs. The teacher had
struck the bell calling attention, and every
eye was bent upon her. This was favor
ite opportunity for the spread of infofma-
ton. and. one of the little boys perceiving
it raised his hand. ''What is it, Jolnny:'
asked the teacher. Tommy Miggs' faith
er's cow has got Il calf" shouted the ex-
cited youngster. his face aglow with the in
telligence. The teacher wilted.
Il declare, am glad to get home." said
Ms. Hayes, as the President put his latch
key into the front door Of the White
House. Now, Rutherford, you just slip
down to the butchers and get thick slice
OF steak; stop at the bakers and get a
fresh loaf of bread and drop into the con-
fectioner's and buy a cream pie, while ]
put on the kettle and start fire in the
range, and we will sit down to Il good,
square lunch. l am tired to death of Geor-
gia bacon and Massachusetts pork anil
BEANS"
''Do you propose to remain on the Her
ald?" said friend to Herald editor yes
tertlay. NO man can tell what Il day may
bring forth,' was the sad reply. "Why
do you speak so solemnly? What is the
matter?'' t.Mattpr enouuh - said the
melancholy person, feeling for his hand
kerchief. ''Mr. Bennett is expected home
every day now, and the establishment is
looking for its senli-occasional shaking-up.
could stand a California earthquake, but
human nature is not sufficiently adamant-
Inc for this sort OF thing. Whether | stay
or go, shall feel like a crushed and blight
ed being for three weeks to come. Koch
ester Democrat.