Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1878-05-20

snow? Invisible green.
An eloquent speaker is like river
greatest at the mouth.
Good intentions are like fainting la
dies-all they want is carrying out.
Why is a prosy preacher like the mid
die of wheel? Because the fellows
around him are tired.
In Switzerland donkeys have bells on
their necks. In this country it is not
unusual to see them with bellies on their
arms.
An unsuccessful lover was asked by
what means he lost his divinity. "Alas,"
he said, 81 fattered her until she got too
proud to speak to me-"
A wit, on being asked what are the
most common monosyllables in the Ian
guage, answered: IL don't know; but
the most common money symbols are
l. O. u"
Sign-boards sometimes make strange
appeals to us. In New Orleans, some
few years ago, was one which announced,
"a Poor Shoemaker" without any point
after the name.
The young woman who, being engag-
ed, sighed in very sentimental rhythm:
"Oh, for some new-found name by which
to call him." married her love about six
months ago, and has decided to call him
"Old Beeswax." Hi
A grocery man down in Maine, an
nounces by placard that he has for sale,
"slggars, tow backo, and ballony sawsig,
and we think he must be the man who
writes communications to the local paper,
growing about the oppressive "skull
tax"
"You are very fond of tea," remarked
a boarding house mistress to a boarder
who had passed over his cup to be filled
for third time. ''Very fond of tea p
he replied Il should think was, or ]
wouldn't be willing to drink so much
water to get so little of it!''
A Boston lady sent her little boy to a
drug store the other day to get a porous
plaster, and charged him to be careful
not to forget what he was going after
He went out repeating the words to him
self, and in few minutes came bach
saying: "Here, mamma; this is the
poorest one TODD dit" r -ia.
Beauty: "Still bachelor, count
Why do you not marry?" Count: "Vell
it is not that am not disinclinationed
but your English mees, she is so beauti
full, and ven i see pretty face l tie on,
knot in my neckpockethandkerchief anC
ven / see re next tie anozer. and at 2,
last, ven shall want to marry, it is al
knot and no vife!'
The priest of a country church, wher
the men sit on one side of the aisle anC
the women on the other. being annoye,
in the middle of his sermon by bah
bling conversation, gently reminds tn
congregation that it should be silent
One of the women arises and triumph
antly exclaims, al want you to notice
father, that the chattering isn't on thi
side Of the aisle this time" "All tn
better" replies the priest meekly; 81
won't last so long" .1
A cruel mot comes from Paris. Mad
anne B., a beautiful Pole, was the rag
last season. No one could deny th
beauty of her face and figure; but sh
had one defect-her feet were enormous
Madame B.. has been seriously i'll recent
ly. and is only just recovering. Th
; other day one of her dearest friends {
her own sex paid her a visit. To th
tenderly put, "And how are you TO-DAY
{ my dear ?" the interesting invalid lar
guidly answered: "Ah am still yer
weak, but | begin to be able to put or
foot before the other" "Come, | al
glad to hear that" said the other chez
2 fully; 'that is saying good deal ft
; your strength"
In the city of Halifax there dwelt
lawyer, crafty, subtle, and cute as fo,
!, An Indian of the Miami tribe, name
: Simon. owed him some money. I'll
! poor red man brought his money to Il
), creditor and waited. expecting the la,
a yer to write receipt. What are yc
:, waiting for 2" said the lawyer. "R
. ceipt," said the lawyer, receipt VIII
: do you know about receipt? Can W
J. understand the nature of receipt I? Te
: me the use of one, and will give it
I you" The Indian looked at him a m
ment, and then said: 'S'pose may
!, die; I'm 60 heben me find gate locked
me see the 'Postle Peter; he say, IS
1 mon, what you want 2 Me want to g
. In. He say, You pay Mr.. ]. dat money
Z What me dO9 i hab no receipt; hab
hunt all over the bad place to find Won