The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-09-07
A Wife'S Lament,

A little woman with a tear trembling
on the end of her nose had been walking
up and down the hall for ten minutes,
and as the boy departed she entered
the parlor, sank into the red rocking
chair and timidly asked:
" Mr.. JOY, can | trust you?n
Madam, you can," he promptly re-
piled. 81 don't like to hear man
praise himself, bat [ believe / can 90
to any grocery in Detroit and get trust
ed for one dozen clothes-pins without
having to leave any security whatever.
l now have in my possession thirty-ive
cents which were handed me by street
car driver to buy him some tinted note
paper, and if | embezzle one cent of it
[ hope to be bald-headed all my DAYS!
Yes, madam you can trust me-"
"l-I was married about three wears
ago" began the woman after consid-
cradle hesitation.
Don't doubt it in the least, madam,
and | suppose it was a case of love?"
cit seemed so. My husband seemed
to think everything of me, and know
l almost worshiped him. We were
very, very happy until year ago"
Yes, | suppose 50, madam. AS
Milton says:
" He called me his birdie-hs angel
| thought him the dearest on earth;
And Wen dance all night till broad daylight,
And-and-and so FORTH
ga few months ago." she softly con-
tinued, she began finding fault because
did not use more big words in talking,
and he said that my grammar was per-
fectly awful. Not a day passes that he
does not upbraid me, and sometimes |
even wish were deadn'
MADAM, does he find any fault with
your cooking?"
"No: not any"
"And in making the bed you don't
get the foot the highest?"
"Oh, no."
'And he never finds buttons of his
shirts-never comes home to meals and
finds the stove cold, and you gossiping
over the gate?'
"He never has to wait one minute
for any of his meals, sir.
your husband had no fault to find
for a year or two-didn't seem to notice
your lack of big words while the honey
moon lasted?'
"No.n
every well, madam, your husbands
coat is too big to fit him in the back, but
| think we can put another on him.
Now, then, will you do as L tell you
to-"
"Oh, sir, | couldn't poison him
couldn't do such a thingn' she eX-
claimed.
"Pizen, madam! Do l resemble a
fiend? Do | seem like murderer? |
don't want you to kill him, but 1 want
to help you to win back his love and
get his nose down where it used to be.
What time do you have support"
At six, sir"
"Well, you 90 home from here and
upset two or three chairs in the sitting
room, toss the broom out doors, scatter
the contents of the work basket around
the house, and make things look as if
there had been tramp meeting held
there; put in just half enough tea, burn
your biscuit, ard for sauce cut
up the hardest peaches you can find
in the market. As he comes home
have an old dress on and your
hair down, and the minute he ell
tiers the house you must remark that
the loneliness of the evening seems to
percolate the entire catastrope of the
hygenic influence Big words, you
see-grammar till his hair stands up!
If he finds fault with the supper tell
him that the encumbrance appears to
elucidate the tarantula, and if that
doesn't fetch him you can continue to
affiliate with the pabulistic enigma.
Give him big words and bad biscuits
XXX grammar and sloppy tea, and I'll
bet five hundred bag-puddings agin a
penny whistle that he'll get up from
that table with his nose as low down as
the mercury in January"
"Mr, Joy, I'll try it!' she exclaimed
as she rose up.
"Never known to fail-money re-
funded if it doesn't work." he replied.
Her eyes sparkled, flush came to
her cheeks, and she went out saying:
1.-The etymology of the diaphragm
discovers conclusive antiquarian ten
dency to disruption
Bijah leaned back, rubbed the down
off Crawford peach, and growled:
Eyes, that's so, and if she only follers
my advice that husband will dream to-
night that he's grammar and that
four dictionaries are running across
lots to the river. I've been right tharn
Free Press.