Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1878-06-05

1
guest at Dunraven Castle that the
lady who had sat at his right hand
ut dinner was the uglicst woman he
ever behcfd, the person addressed
expressed his regret that he should
think his wife so Unlocking. II
have made a mistake said the
Mortified Tuberyille; 81 meant the
lady who sat on my left" "Well,
she was my sister," was the re.
sponse to the well intended fib,
bringing from the desperate con.
noisseur of beauty the frank avow.
nj: at can't be helped, sir, then; for
if what You say be true, | confess |
never saw such an ugly family in
my life"
An honest expression of opinion.
perhaps not so easily forgiven by
the individual concerned, was that
wrnng from Mark Twain, who,
standing right before a young lady
in a Partisan public garden, cried
out to his friend, "Dan, just look at
this girl, how beautiful she ISL to be
Icbukcd by "this girl" saying in
excellent English: IL thank you
more for the evident sincerity of
the compliment, sir, than for the
extraordinary publicity you have
given it!' Mark took a walk, but
did not feel Just comfortable for
some time afterwards.
One of the humOrist's country.
men made much moro serious
blunder. lie was n married man.
Going into the kitchen one day, q
pair of soft hands were thrown
over his eyes, a kiss was imprinted
on his check, lie returned the sa-
lutte with interest, and, as he gently
discngagcd the hands of his fair
assailant, asked: "Mary, darling,
where is the mistrcssI, aud found
his answer in an indignant wife's
face. "Mary darling had gone out
for the day, and the lady of the
house entered by her aflectionatc
greeting to give her lord a pleas.
ant surprise. He got his surprise;
whether he thought it a pleasant
one he never divulged, but that
Kitchen knew Mary no moro.
After doing his office for young
couple, clergyman was invcigled
into proposing the health of the
bride and bridegroom at the we'd.
ding breakfast. He wound up
with u neat little speech, express.
ing the hope that the result of the
union of the happy pair might
prove strictly analogous to that of
the brides honored parents. The
groom looked angry, the bride went
into Mysteries, bridesmaids blushed
and became interested in the pat
tern of the carpet, the master of
the house blew his nose with extra
ordinary violence, and the speaker
sat down wondering at the effect
he had created, till his better.in-
formed neighbors whispered that
the lady was not the daughter of
the host and hostess, but a niece
who came to live with them when
her mother and father were di.
vorced.
When note was handed to DR..
Fletcher intimating that the pres.
cnce of medical gentleman, sup.
posed to be in the church was ur.
gently required elsewhere, the
preacher read the letter out, and.
as the doctor was making for the
door, fcrvently cjaculated; "May
the Lord have mercy on his pa.
/ ticnt.'
An unpleasant way of putting
tho thing was innoccntly adopted
by the New York car driver who,
blissfulIy ignorant that his intcrlo.
cutor was Mr.. Beecher, replied to
that gcntlcman's query whether he
did not think it possible to dispense
with running the ears all day on
Sunday; "les, sir, | do; but there's
no hope for it SO long as they keep
that Beecher theater open in Brook
Ign; the cars have to run to accom-.
modate that
An American newspaper says:
"Thc enthusiastic choir.master who
adopted, Hold the Fort as pro
cessional hymn, has been dismissed
by the minister, who considered it
personal when the choir burst forth:
- See the mighty host advancing,