Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1878-05-22
PLAT.

NluCt1 -slA Ilceuy lCt A0h MAuiotCieI
died last year.
An unusual amount of activity 10
noted in the building trades Of New
York city.
A bad marriage is like an electric
machine-it makes you dane e, but you
CAM let 60.
A man walks on water at Taunton,
Mass. He wears immense tin shoes,
in which air is confined.
An otter when caught in trap cries
so much like child that it some
time induces trappers to release them.
"Tom, what in the world put mat
rimony into your head ?" "Well, the
fact is, Joe, l was getting short of
Shirts"
The Presbyterian Board of Foreign
Missions is $5S, 600 behind hand and
wants the Sunday schools to give it
lift.
Rev. Joseph Cook calls the large
fashionable churches, "Sunday Club
Houses" and says they ought to be
taxed.
Ithaca, New York, is scandalized
over the charges Of profane swear
ing preferred against minister of
that town.
Take pains to keep your trashy
books away from your children send
them to school, and resolutely keep
them in doors at night.
A Nevada Chinaman who got into
masquerade by mistake won the
first prize, a gold watch, for natural
ness Of makeup and action.
"Have you ever read The Tale of a
Bundle Bee p" asked George of Sa-
rah Jane. "No," said she, as she
turned the color of real paint; "but
I've felt EN-.
The New York Tribune says that
old Montgomery Blair is still NUT
tering fraud" and suggests that he
would save his wind by chalking the
word on his back.
In one Of the relief camps in India
recently, among the stricken
natives was full grown man, large
limbed and big-made, who weighed
forty-five pounds.
"Papers, sir ?" asked the newsboy.
"No, l never read" was the blunt an
swer. eli, boys, come here" called
cut the gamin; "here's man as is
practicin for the juryw
The best thing ever said of ghosts
was said by Coleridge, when asked
by lady if he believed in them,
"No, madame; have seen too many
of them to believe in them"
| Peach brandy enters into the com.
position of the mucilage on postage
stamps; SO when you see the mex
drunken man, don't lay it to whisky
He may have just mailed letter.
| The Atlanta (Ga.) Constitution say
that Republican editors know moth
ing of the negro and his character
/ "They do not know how confidins
he is, or how easily he is deluded."
The young man whose fancy light
, ly turned to thoughts of love, about .
month ago, had better begin to buck
lie down to business, and provide !,
, sinking fund against the advent ofth
l ice cream season.-Puck.
The Iowa City Press says: &c
e your pencil and to your list of cd,
4 names add that Of Rev. Mr.. Sharp
= mack who lives in Washington, ant
this week joined in marriage MI
Frank Hug and Miss Alice Bear.
: "Who was the doubling disciple /?
= asked the Sunday school teacher
peter" promptly replied the smar
bad boy. "No, Thomas" said tn
teacher. "Then what do people al
ways say sPetered out for ?" asked tn
smart bad boy.
ii A frank but ambitious Kentuckia
). thus advertises in the local paper Z
. his town: "Being in close place
IT and desiring to pay my debts, and b,
a lieving that the office of Assesso
"a would assist me in doing so, / hay
o concluded to be candidate"
D "After all man lie generous being
says the Womans Word. A year ag
U. Massachusetts man married lad
e who brought him $4,000. He died
l. few days ago, and on his death be
70 willed it every cent back to her, o
er the simple condition that she shoul
y never marry again.
q During the last session of the di
trict court the judge had occasion
" put the usual question to convictt
N colored burglar if he knew of an
a. reason why the sentence should n,
In be pronounced on him, whereupt
/ the prisoner said emphatically tn
he he did. What is your reason 2" asl
;s ed the judge blandly. "De jury II
W SIGH q one-sided view oh de case" W
r. the reply.
A strengthening individual car
or into the Office the other morning
advertise his wife, who had left hi
that the people should not trust b
ne on his account. He asked the boo
d. keeper the price, and when told, sal
fe, in some surprise: SIS that SO? WI
le that's what I paid to ADVERT
N. my first wife. I thought t
W prices might have come down."
op Danbu,y Neaos.
m A lawyer once asked the late Jud
ID Pickens. of Alabama, to charge Il
~ jury that sit is better that ninety al
he nine guilty men should escape tn
az one innocent man should be punis
AZ ed" EYES," said the witty juds
81 will give that charge, but in the o
90 inion of the court the ninety q
"A nine guilty men have already escap
re in this county. Couyier-J Journal.
he A juror in st. Louis snored so lou
IS, ly that he awoke the Judge, and t
m latter was 40 indignant that he fin
N. him $40 and sent him out of the be
he after which the case was adjourne
IL the defendant refusing to proce
e. with only eleven jurors. Snorir
DIS accordingly, is contempt Of court, Il
tie less the Judge does it himself so tt
r about the only thing the average jur
lie knows how to do well is taken aw
xt from him.-Bvfalo Express.
a. A woman who had spent the gre.
~ er part of the day in going to aucti
, = sales concluded she would attend 81
e vice at q fashionable church in Ne
n York on her way home. Weari
at and worn out, she soon became Q
ot livious to her surroundings, and W
!; 10 only awakened by the rustling of t
congregation as they arose to recei
o the benediction. Seeing the min
~ ter's hand raised in the air, she wa
ed her handkerchief and said il
firm, clear voice, It'll take the gre
j, washstand if you'll throw in the bo'
- and pitcher."-AndreaDs' Bazaar.
10 IOWA.