The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-01-17
OUR STORY TELLER.
THE WRONG UMBRELLA.

IL is lamentable that the moral sense
of mankind takes so little account of
the rights Of property as regards books
and umbrellas. Many people who are in
most respects excellent members of So
eiety will borrow books without stint,
and il they do not return them minus
the covers will keep them without COM
junction, and when you hint that they
have had them rather long, will mutter:
"Confound the fellow does he think l
want TO steal his booksP / have had
differences with my best friends on this
score, and have even been asked whether
I had not better fine everybody who re-
tanned my valuables beyond fixed time,
rs IL were village library. Such in
suits have been borne with meekness,
because / have always remembered with
remorse how / once reveled in the
thought OF having made away with
Johnson's umbrella. The laxity of the
public morals in the matter of UNI
brellas is truly awful, but retribution
will sometimes overtake him who plots
against his neighbor's parachute. Let
me tell how itovertook me.
A long time ago | was madly enam-
ored Of Mary Jane Bowles. Mary Jane
was what you would call pocket
Venus, and often have / been tempted
TO tuck her under my arm, like packet
of sugar, and fly to the nearest desert
island. She was an artless girl, and
very fond Of society-especially the So
ciety Of young men with whom I was
not on terms of ardent friendship. j
e. IL
she invited me TO tea, and found that
johnson had also been invited, my dis
cerning eye observed that this was not
coquetry, but pure exuberance Of
spirits. Mr.. Bowles, noticed, was OF
the same opinion, and it was great sat
isfaction to me to have my judgment
confirmed by so experienced a parent
Mrs. Bowles, had she been alive, would
no doubt have agreed with us.
/ had known Mary Jane since she
wore short frocks. johnson had known
her about a month. 1t was pleasant tC
hear her call me Sam and him Mr.
johnson, but somehow the familiarity
in my case seemed to have bred not con
tempt-O dear, mol nothing of tina
kind but a sort of nonchalance of man
ner. (How useful the French languag,
Is when one wants to express very del
icate shade Of meaningD But that wa
her artlessness.
Dear me, SAM" she observed, at tn
tea-table, "what have you got such
long face for" 11l5.-
Johnson's attentions had made me
little pensive.
Something must be long to make u
for the prevailing shortness," / said.
johnson was not much taller tha
Mary Jane. / made a note of tina
sarcasm afterward. My impromptu
are too often lost.
"Don't be impertinent, sirl Loo
like the reflection you see there-isn
it, Mr.. JohnsonT
He grinned.
II was then observed for the fir,
time the singular breadth of his visag,
His grin seemed to extend across th
room.
IF Mr.. johnson will hold the spoo
horizontally, he may admire his ow
image" / remarked, playfully.
johnson grinned again. He was or
of those insanely good-natured me
whom it is quite impossible to annoy.
Sam, you are outrageous" said MAJ
Jane. Mr.. johnson and l are going
practice our duet. You stop here an
talk to pa" tl
Mr.. Bowles had to be aroused fro
the doze into which he usually droppt
after tea. 1t was in that habit that n
penetration had detected his convictiC
that Mary Jane was an artless creatur
Pa woke up, and asked me VIII
were my views on tramways. His col
position was a fine crusty conservatism
and he disliked innovations. His DO
wine was fine and crusty, too; but th
Is by the way.
was listening to the duet overhea
and had very indistinct idea of VIII
the old gentleman said, and of what
was saying myself. / cannot sing, b
IL was not for that reason that / object
20 the preposterously operatic way
which johnson was conducting himse
Tramways, my dear sir, are, as "
90 Justly observe, the chief scourge
mankind. From the earliest times tn
have been noted for their hostility
human virtue, and"
"lhaye lands and proud dwellings,
And all shall be thine"
sang johnson, up stairs.
"And 1t is, as you say, monstrous Il
landed proprietors and bloated hou
holders should override the popular p
test in this matter, especially as
know that-that for the purposes
drainage tramways are" ir
"My dear boy, you are not WE'LL"
terrupted Mr.. Bowles, kindly. "Hs
n glass Of wine." l.r ~ .r
When left the house that evenin,
was thoughtful. 1t struck me Il
johnson had Mary Jane in his min
eye. ] could not damage that organ
vision, 80 1 decided that nothing wo
be gained by hitting him. But sol
thing would have to be done. / wan
10 marry Mary Jane. She was
charming girl, and her father had
lie money.
My suspicious about johnson W
confirmed next day. met a liv
friend, who said;
40, you know Johnson
"Wellg
He's going in for the little Bow
He told me he should propose to her
morrow night, when he takes her he
from Twig's party"
"PerditionW : it