The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1878-02-28
VarieM


Mind your stops. A composltor In setting uu tbe
toast t;-"Woman-without her man wonId be 4
savage" got the punctuation In the wrong plae a.
which made 1t read Woman, without a man,
would be savage"
Doctor" said confirmed invalid, who had
paid great deal Of money for ,physlc to appar.
emily little purpose, "you don't seem TO reach the
seat OF my disease, Why don't you strike at the
root Of my disorder2' 80 Twin, II you insist on
II" and lifting his cane, he smashed the brandy,
bottle on the sldeboard.
or certain Eastern Ex-Governor a nleasapt
story is related. Once upon a time he visited
worcester, and called upon an acquaintance who
owned many fine pictures. The ex Governor
went around the room examining these until he
came TO the painting Of Madonna hanging above
the mantel He peered up through his eve Rlasg
And Who-er--is this2" he asked. THAT" said
his acquaintance, "is Madonna" "Ah," said
the Ex-Governor lis she Worcester lady?"
An old darkey who was asked II in his expert.
ence prayer was ever answered, replied "Well
san some pra'rs is ansud an some isn't-'pends
OH was you axes TO-. Jest after de wah, wen IL
was mighty hard acratchin' 70 de cullud bred
uerh' 'bsarved dat w'enebber pway de Lord to
sen one o Marse Peyton's fat turkeys TO de old
man. uere was no notice took Of de partition; but
wen pway dat he would SEN de ole mau fo' do
turkey, de matter was tended to befo' sun I'M
mex mornin' dead sartln V'-AAdnta Constitution.
Archbishop Wood does not believe in that so.
called miracle in Mauch Chunk, Pa.
Now, 1t is claimed that President Hayes' politics
button up the back,-NetO York Herald.
An Ohio man has lent new charm to bache.
lorhood by inventing button to be put on with
screw driver.
III there is no hell" asks an American para.
grapher of the period, chow could an Engishman
spell London p"
II takes 2,l6O bees to fill pint cup, notwith-
standing single bee takes up so much room In q
fellows summer trousers leg.
Reaching after the unattainable-A man feeling
up The back of his vest for the end of a parted
suspender'-BurttngOn Hai0keye.
Bob Ingersoll says of old Kaiser Wilhelm az
nave very little respect for gentleman who i'm.
agnes that God helped him kill the French"
why should mans shoulders and neck and
chest be shingled any more than a womans waist
weatherboarded ?' asks ]. swlsshelm. 1t is sun.
posed to be cOnuudrum.
When we think of the villain whossoIe our um.
prella and then of the bare possibility that there
Is hell, we feel as If we could bury our head in
the waste paper basket and smother.
A Harrisburgh paper, answering correspond
eht on question Of etiquette, says when a
gentleman and lady are walking on the street, the
lady should walk inside the gentleman"
girl who will sit with fellow all night on the
Stairs AT A hall with M p1O oko
worth speaking of, would faint away dead if the
same fellow were to meet her ON the stairs. muf.
ned from head to foot in three night GOWNS
Philadelphia Bulletin.
A friend Of Jones's was demonstrating with him
for punning SO increasingly, and finally exclaim-
ed: Hang it, man. l believe you would make a.
pun on your way to be buried If you had a
chance" ''Well,' drawled out Jones, "may be
might ask for troche to stop that coffin"
Dutchman, in describing pair of horses he
mad lost, said; "Dey vas fiery much alike, spec.
Tally de Off one. Won look't so much alike poth
could not tell together from which when 1
went after one always catch de oder, and 1
whipped the one most dead because the other
kicked me-"
One by one all the comforts of thislife are taken
away from the toiling Millions 1t used to be /,
great consolation for us to think in our poverty
that none of our rich neighbors could ever get to
heaven. Now, alas we are assured there is no
place else for them to go Oh, woful times Oh,
Wretched, harsh and inconsiderate worldl-Bur.
ltngton Hdlvkeye,
Aphysician in country town who had been
annoyed by numerous questions concerning the
condition of patient was stopped while on his
busy rounds, by man with the old question,
"Hows ~ "Ill," replied the physician. Does
he keep his bedH' "Of course he does. You
don't suppose he's fool enough to sell his bed be-
cause he is ill, do your
down town man, noted for his good nature,
says; What's the use of wrangling ? Nobody
can tell how easy it is to get along without wrang
ling till they try. Now, Il like to sleep on the
front side of the bed; SO does my wife; but we
didn't Wrangle bout tive just moved the bed in
the centre of the room. It's a heap easier than
Wrangling bout it"-RingSton Freeman.
Gentleman" said an auctioneer who was SELL
ing piece Of land, ut is the most delightful
piece of land; it is the easiest piece of land to
cultivate, it is so light, so very light Mr..
Parker here will corroborate my statement. He
NAV P"VOi anu no Will telA you NOW
easy 1t is worked" "Yes, gentlemen" said Mr..
Parker, ut is very easy to work but it is plaguy
sight easier to gather the crops"
WAen Abraham Lincoln was poor lawyer, he
found himself one cold day, at village some dis
lance from Springfield, and with no means of
conveyance. Seeing gentleman driving along
the Springfield road in carriage, he ran up to
him and politely said: "Sir will Vol have the
goodness to take my overcoat to town for me ?'
with pleasure" answered the gentleman. "But
how will you get it again ?" ooh, very easily,''
said Mr.. Lincoln "as 1 intend to remain in it,
Jump in" said the gentleman. And the future
President had pleasant ride.
Ha1ulNlllzlIunllu1uuw.