, 1878-04-26
Wit and Humor.

taken.'
Why are novelsts the most remarkable
of animals2 Because their tales come
out of their heads.
A CLEVER fellow has taught ducks to
swim in hot water with such success that
they lay boiled eggs
The head waiter of a saloon in Boston
was referred to as "a gentleman of
soup. -Hsh.al attainments."
THE other day conceted ignoramus
went little too far by boasting Of his
adventures in three hemispheres.
AN Iowa editor recently announced that
a certain patron of his was "thieving as
usual" He declared he wrote it "thriv.
ing"
LOVER (in FRENCH: "Angelina, je t
adore" Angelina (who hadn't studied
"parley-voo'): "Shut it yoursef-you
left it OPEN"
AFTER man gifts to be thirty eight
years old he kant form many new habits
much; the best he kan do IL to steer hiz
old ones, Josh Billings,
PERHAPS there isn't any hell, but we
shall not give up our faith that there is
Turkey, Texas and Chicago. Never |
Well join some church first.
IT is said of the Chicago banks that
thirteen out of eighteen are opposed to
silver. Silver is too bulky to run away
with - Ne,o DrIeoDs Diro,nIno
A DANBURY young man nearly bank
rupted himself visiting the daughter of the
owner Of the New York aquarium-sub-
sequently discovered to be fish market
A PROVINCIAL contemporary thinks it
NO more than right to apologize for the
accidental omission, in a previous issue,
Of the "t' in the phrase, sour immortal
mayor"
"Do they miss you at home 2" he
asked, as she folded and put away let
ter she had just received from her moth
er. Never" she answered "they call
me 'Sis.'"
OBSERVING that prize in the Massa-
chusetts cat show went to q Maine cat,
the New York Commercial Aduertiser
thinks few exultant remarks by Brother
Blaine are in order.
EDWIN BooTH once said that the best
way TO get rid of a good friend was to
lend him five dollars. That was when
times were easy. You can ALLEVIATE him
now for fifty cents.
SAID theatre manager to one of his
company, 81 wish, sir, you would be
careful, and pay little attention TO what
say" $50 l do" replied the actor
las little as possibly can"
"AND how are you to-day, my dear ~
"Ah am still very weak, but begin
TO be able to put one foot before the 9TH
er." "Oh, l am glad to hear it that is
saying great deaL for your strength"
A HIGH CHURCH vicar advertses in an
English paper for curate, to whom he
will pay $l2.50 week. BY way of i'll
ducement 1t is added that the curate can
find eligible lodgings for $l5.75 week
LAST Friday half dozen little chill
dren from the school at this place were
seen walking up and down one Of the
streets, looking and enquiring for "a
black beau with u pin in the middle,
which our school ma'am lost"
PRONUNCIATION of English--s difficult
ty for foreigners--is exempliied by tine
following, which an Irish correspondent
sends: Through the tough cough, and
hiccough plough my spirit through, my
course DER lite's dark Tough l still pur-
sue"
A CONNECTICUT Jonathan, in taking a
walk with his dearest, came to toll
bridge, when he, as honest as he was
wont to be, said, after pay ing his own toll
(Which was one cenO: "Come, Suke,
you must pay your own toll, for just az
like rs not shant have you after all"
A MODEST bachelor says all he should
ask in wife would be n good temper,
sound health, good understanding, agree.
able physiognomy, pretty figure, good
connections, domestic habits, resources OF
amusement, good spirits, conversational
talents, elegant manners and money
Modest bachelor, indeedl
DUNNED.-"Let me see," said des.
perately. .dunned debtor, "this is the
fifth time you have called within -four
days, is it not Regret to disappoint
you, young man; but step in next Sat.
urday before three o'clock, and l will
positively settlein my mind when you
may call again, he added to himselfwhen
the visitor left.
THE conceit is oflen taken out OF
people who think themselves famous.
ThackerNy, when speaking about fame,
would frequently tell the following anec-
dote: When at dinner one day he heard
one waiter say toanother, "Do you know
who that isl" mo" was the answer
"That's the celebrated Mr.. Thackeray.'
whats he donei" Blessed if know,
was the reply.