Connecticut western news., 1878-04-18
WIT AND WISDOM.

Dead see fruit-The apple of blind mans eye.
 The best perfumery is not always scent from Cologne.
 Farmers have learned that it takes the best of soil to raise mortgage.
 The times are hard-everybody says so-but the wages of sin have not been cut down.
 There is @ man somewhere whose memory is 80 short that it only reaches to his knees; therefore, he never pays for his boots. The divorce market must still be easy in Indiana. A county paper Tn that State heads its list of marriages Limited Partnerships"
 What the milkman said when they found fish in the lacteal fluid: "Good heavens, the brindle COW has been in swimming again1" u..-..r
 They say Albani is married; they also say she is engaged to Capoul, the tenor and, furthermore, it is stated that she will never marry.
 An old lady, when she heard the minister say there would be nave in the new church, observed that she knew well who the party was. ...s#
 No living wife knows her own value. It is only when railroad company comes to be sued that husband begins to learn what treasure he has lost.
 -Candidly, now, if you had the cast ing vote, would the hoop-skirt stand any chance of securing your suffrage If it wanted to become favorite of fashion again ?
 A lady was surprised on the occasion of her wedding to receive as present an article of silver she had presented to a bride six months ago. This shows how hard the times are.
 One of the very hardest things for man to do is to own that he has been in the wrong. But when he has done so, he has reached the supreme moment of his life. There IS hope for him.
 The entire alphabet is found in these four lines l: .r..- God gives the grazing OK bis meal, He quickly hears the sheep's low cry; | But man, who tastes his finest wheat,
 Should joy to lift his praises high.
 The thirsty but impecunlous bum- uoers newest trick is to stand close to the whisky barrel in a liquor store, slyly turn the faucet into the top Of one of his boots. and thus walk out with several quarts of the liquid.
 A generation or two ago, when col lepes were few, and coal oil had not come into general use, it used to be fre- ouently urged that occasional wars were necessary to prevent the world from be- coming densely populated. a-
 -" Cham" on the Eastern question The Sultan having received the condi- tions of peace and statistics of the war "My poor iron clads My poor guns ] My poor rifles-all, all gone l Thank heaven they weren't paid for ]"
 -"What's de time O day, ole 'omanT said colored countryman to Aunt Milly the other day, trying to poke fun at the brass chain that held her front door key around that young ladys neck. " Look at de clock, chile. Oats built for poor folks"
 A young man in Marietta, Md, was poisoned by his sweetheart but he re- covered, and now asserts that the mar riage engagement shall not be broken.
 "She must have taken Q real interest in me or she wouldn't have wanted me to ] die," he reasons.
 f The man who advertises in the news- papers to send directions that will enable
 A person to make two hundred dollars a f month, owes his washerwoman for three months washing, and was seen few 3 days ago trying to borrow five dollars to ) pay a weeks board bill. . There were tramps in the old Gre 3 clan days, and when Pisistratus was t walking out one day he was accosted by some of these parasites. He said: "H q you want beasts to blow your land Twill : lend you some if you want land l VIII 0 give you some if you want seed to SOW you snail nave lb puV Jou AANSo "SN~>' n They left his dominions for a more con- y eenlal climate. The same characteristics d remain. Tell most beggars that there is
 a fiye-course dinner under the saw-horse,
 and they turn pale and vanish. s HousE-cLEANINe. d The housekeeper giveth cheerful hop, n And we hear the musical aippetyhop Of tho moisty, misty, maddening mop. ,- And To, the maddening horrors rush l. Athwart our souls at the soapy gush a Of the slippery, slimy scrubbing- -orush. 70 From early morn till evening gloom @ We hear the scratching in hall and room h Of the boisterous, busily bobbing broom. V- And now there cometh woesome wail-- d That augurs genrally gusty gale yrsm e maa with hislsg in the sesuheaagpa0