The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1878-01-19
A STAGE COACH INCIDENT.

old woman.
"No sass, if you please" replied the old
lady, as she pushed her umbrella under the
seat. GIVE got right to travel if pay for
it, and none of my relashuns never had to
drive o stage, eitherl"
Perhaps they didn't know enoughp he
growled as he shut the door.
"Perhaps three of my brothers were not
constables, you sassy, red headed man y she
exclaimed, as she pushed a big satchel over
my knees. "And perhaps my first husband
didn't hold the situation of postmaster, and
my second didn't go to the Legislature Oh,
we are an ignorant family, we are!'
The driver didn't have time to say further,
but as he climbed up and started off it was
plain to the rest of us that he meant to have
his revenge.
It wasn't five minutes before the wheels
struck a stone, raised the left hand side Of
the coach foot high.
"Great catnipl but is anyone killed p
screamed the old lady, as she went down.
All Ol us were living bOOhlh5 ulO''llu "
make sure of this fact, she continued:
al wonder if we struck spur of the
Rocky Mountains2 think l shall see the
boss of this road when we get to X, and
have that driver discharged to once. Such
jostling around as that will burst that satehel
and like enough mash them boiled eggs all
over my deep-mourning bonnet"
There was deep silence forthe next fifteen
minutes. Some were recovering from the
jolt, some looking at the corn-felds, and the
old lady was about to remove her spectacles
when one Of the hind wheels fell into deep
rut.
"My soul but was that an earthquake ?"
screamed the old lady. al felt every tooth
in my head give way thenl Is any one
mortally injured to death"
8 No one answered. Selecting red-faced
man from Cleveland, the woman pointed to
him, and said:
"When I ask you a question why don't
you answer? Do you think you own all this
world and Canada besides2"
al am all right" he grufliy replied.
DWELL, Pm not anyways glad to hear it.
You don't look to me like good member Of
society. I've been looking at you pretty
closely, and I'd be almost willing to swear
that you was an escaped pirateW
He didn't reply. He didn't smile, nor let
on that he heard her at all, and each one Of
the rest realized that his own turn would
soou come. We were as solemn as quakers
when the wheels struck another stone.
Carriers and galluses" shriekod the
female, as she was thrown against the side of
the coach. "I've broke three ribs and swal-
lowed my apectacles, and I call for the
perlicew
No one moved, but each one pretended
not to have seen or heard her. She found
her spectacles in her lap, discovered, after
feeling around, that her ribs We're all right,
and reaching over she cuifed a man from
Montreal on the head, and cried outs
Didn't you hear my walls of agony?"
"Beg pardon, madam" he replied, as he
faced her.
al don't care whether you begmy pardon
or not; you are nice man to sit here like
an old wood-shed while am being crippled
for life Didn't l say that three of my ribs
were broken?"
"I-I don't know" he stammered.
"If you don't understand the English
language you'd better have Pawnee Injun
travel around with you !" she observed.
"Thank you," he replied,
al don't want any of your thanks, sir |
The more 1 sit and look at you the more l
suspect that you have been in States prison
for murder"
He turned very red in the face and bit at
his mustache, but the Ohio man winked to
him not to pursue the argument farther.
Half an hour later the stage rolled into a
small village, and as the vehicle halted in
front Of the hotel the horses were pulled up
SO suddenly that all Of US were thrown for
ward.
"HelpI Murderl Perlice! p screamed the
old lady, as she bumped against a consump-
hNS-loOhlA5 young man VIM GleIheu IN
Pittsburg store.
No one minded her voice until she gave
the clerk a kick on the shins and spunkily
exclaimed:
"Boyl didn't you hear my shrieks o.
mortal anguish Will you sit there like {
shingle ON the vast prairie and not care
whether live or die?"
Be careful who you kick, madam !' h,
retorted.
Don't talk back to me, you pale-facet
infant! Pm old enough to be your great
grandfather, and if you give me any sass III
make your knees knock your teeth outp
And don't want you to sass me, either!'
he exclaimed.
His life was saved only by the fact tha
the landlord and others came out lust the,
and wanted to know what the row wa
about
The driver was ready 10 start in anothe
minute, and when the wheels turned eacl
man had his head out of the window, nm,
was trembling in fear. was the only ON
left unscathed by her vigorous tongue. an,
when three or four miles had been left be
hind, and she seemed to have gone to sleer
l felt relieved.
:" Great hens but who has been smol,in
a .NsaUH .HU... . D q -