Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-08-29
Whole No, 353,
Wit and Hu711Oz'.

Matchless misery-Uaving a cigar and
nothing to light it with.
Drinking men, like suldiers, frequently
give the counter-sign.
| The Detroit Post has discovered that
bay windows make good llarbors for little
snacks.
Thai tour inch rain fall in Chicago is the
biggest set thus far known in the United
States, but st. Louis is ahead on perspira-
ton.
We have all heard of ''patience on a
monument but physicians usually plant
theirs under one.
The individual who called tight boots
comfortable, defended his position by say
ing they made a man forget all his other
miseries.
You will observe that I keep tiny own
minister, now. 1t isn't strictly necessary,
but l can afford these luxuries.-Mark
Taoain.
Always be careful about mistaking a
sleeping poodle for door-mat. New
Jersey man made the mistake the other
day, and hasn't got over it yet.
Tell us not in mournful numbers
Life is but an empty dream;
let man but eat cucumbers
And nightmare it will seem.
A philosopher who went to church
where the people came in late, said it was
the fashion there for nobody to so till
everybody got there.
There is nothing in this world that will
reconcile man to death in a shorter space
Of time than to reach for bottle and dis
cover it to be full of ofkerosene.-Vild Oats.
An editor is pretty certain to lose a pa
tron when lis foreman inadvertently puts
marriage notice under the head, Another
Swindle Come to Light
A Rutland (Vt) fsrmer finding potato-
bug on his dinncr-table, the other day,
calculated: "Good heavens! Have you
got to have your potatoes cooked this
year?'
An Illinois farmer was srnstruck while
washing his feet in a creek. though he had
not seen sick day for thirty-two years
previous. Innovations are sometimes dam
gerous.
We are glad to learn. even at this late
day, that Thomas Jefferson would turn
aside rather than step on bumble-bee.
He was barefooted when he felt that way,
Of course.
A farmer in Warren county writes to MS
inquiring what he should get for kicking
cows. You ought to get five years in the
penitentary You kick them every milk
ing time.-Satuday Night.
General o. 0. Howard is after the Ban
nacks. with a pack-rain load of salt. which
he desires to sprinkle, as the old story
goes, where it would do the most good.
This tail will be continued in other num-.
bers oftbe Arizona Enterprise.
Somebody has taken the trouble to write
a book about ''How to Find the Stars"
Don't wait to read it-step on bit of
orange peel, or. better still, attempt to kiss
a combative girl that don't feel one spark
of affection for you.
"When," asks the Warrensburg (Mo.)
Press, ''when is the time to travel?' When
you hear her fathers foot on the third step,
young man, is about as good a time as
any, to start, and You can prolong the tour
to suit your own convenience and the
length of the old mans cane. From the
innocence with which you ask the ques-
ton, we suppose you didn't travel until he
was clear into the parlor. Served you
right.-Burlington Hawkeye. d
This touching incident is related by the
Newburyport (Mass.) Herald: A gentle
man at Scarboro, after waving his hand
kerchef for half an hour or more at an un-
known lady whom he discovered at a dis
tant point on the shore, was encouraged
by a warm response to his signal to ap
proach his charner. Imagine his feelings
when. on drawing nearer, he found that il
was his own dear wife, whom he had left
at the hotel but short time before
''Why, how remarkable that we sheuk
have recognized each other at such a dis
tance?" exclaimed both in the same breath /
and then they changed the subject. II
The young man was evidently honest II 1
his intentions, but three years of constan |,
courting had failed to overcome his exces
sive bashfuness. They were sitting il
chairs at a respectful distance apart. Sal,
the young man, having spent five minute
in search ofa subject: ''How do you ge
.long with your cooking?' Nicely
said the young miss; 'I'm improving
wonderfully. l can make splendid cak
now.' "Can you?' said the young ma
| in pleased manner. "What kind do yoa
like best?'' Il like one made with fou
and sugar and citron and raisics and cur
rants, and lots of these things, and beaut
FIJI frosting on top" responded the youn
miss. ''Why, that's wedding -cake," en-
claimed the young man, lervously. ''
meant wedding" said the young mis-
shyly. They are published.-Rocksa
Courier.
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