The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-08-22
Wit and HumOr.


hand writing ten men can make money
by cutting short their talk.
A MAN named Chrystal edits a New
Jersey paper. He is most as good as an
editor with glass eye.-Free Press.
WHAT was the most honest bet that
was ever made? The alpha bet. Its
maker was evidently man of letters,
too.
The Norristown Herald has ascertained
| that "blue glass, mashed up fine and adj
ministcred internally, will cure dog of
sheep killing"
ONE of the conductors on Boston
street railway is divinity student, who
took the position for few months sin
order to study human nature"
THE present style of weather calls to
mind the remark of sable brother, that
| she had mos alters noticed if he lived
fro de month of March he lived fro de
year"
Two oysters in gallon of luke warm
huld at church fair are no longer called
| stews, but aquariums, and some people
| think there are too many fish to the
! water.
A sCHooLhAsTER asked class what
Shylock meant when he said, "My deeds
| upon my head" WELL" said one of the
boys, Il don't know unless he carried his
papers in his hat"
| BEES neither hum nor buzz. 1t has
been discovered that the noise made by
them is lament. They feel sorry that
| they can't sting dozen boys at once
Detroit Free Press.
HERE is an extract from a little boys
| first composition: "W'en cats is
swearin' aud blastemin' and a irwin the
cages of their steam biers in the back
yard at mite it makes Teller ollie Trade,
if he isn't sleepin' with his big brother"
BARBER (apropos OF customers
beard YES, great Improvement, in
deed sir, since you took our Balm of
| lllyria.' OF course you will take an
other bottlel" Customer (dryly)-"No,
thanks, haven't tried the first yet"
A MOST worthy man, unaccustomed 10
! public speaking, being suddenly called
upon to address Sunday-school, rose to
his feet, and after vaniy struggling for
utterance, at last hoarsey muttered,
'Dtar children, don't ever play with
| powder"
| A LITTLE girl asked an old gentleman
| who hated conundrums: What is the
| difference between a potato and lemongr
81 don't know" snarled the old man.
t"Don't know" exclaimed the child;
then don't want you to buy any lem
| ons for me-"
! ClvILITY is to man what beauty ia
| to woman. 1t creates an instantape-
Gus impression in his behalf, while the
d, opposite quality excites as quick preju-
! dice against him. 1t is real ornament.
the most beautiful dress that man or
| woman can wear, and worth more as
means of winning favor than the finest
clothes and Jewels ever worn.
| SUPPOSE said an Iowa LAWYER TO a
witness he was trying to badger recently.
| suppose should tell you that | could
BRING dozen men of your town to the
courtroom who would say they would
! not believe you on oath, what would YOU
sayF And calmly the witness replied:
Il would say you led A gentle smile
diifused itself all over the cour< room
| and the unrutfled witness stepped down
AFTER DINNER orator: ats in the
wonderful insight inter 'uman nature that
! Dickens gets the pull over Thackeray:
but, on to,her hand, it's in the brilliant
shafts o satire, tgether with keen sense
o humor, that Dickery gets the pull over
Ihackens. Its just this: Thickerv is
the humorist, ana Dackens is the satirist
But, after all, it's 'tsurb to instoot any
comparison between Dackery and Tbik-
ems"
flow does this read9 The "Cgub
House, notorious gambling hell. in
Washington, was cleared out by the po-
nee on Saturday night. Among the
gamblers captured were an ex-Assistant
secretary OF the Treasury, prominent
South Carolina Judge, an ext. ). Sena-
tor, and several ex Congressmen. All
spent the night in the station-house. and
were released Sabbath morning on giving
security.
a YOUNG man in a barber shop was
particular about having his moustache
nicely pertumed. Going to call on n
young lady, 1supposef' the barber asked
The young man, with much dignity. re-
piled, "See here, my friend, do YOU sun
pose put perfumery on nv moustache
because m going to see man, or boy,
OF an ola woman, or babe in armsf'
DO men gather grapes of thorns, or figs
of thistlesi"
IN ancient Sparta, the government paid
AS much attention to the rearing If men
as men now pay to cattle breeding. The
law regulated the degree Of fairness to
which 1t was lawful for a citizen to ex-