The Portland daily press., 1878-10-17
Cap and Bells.


Cap and Bells.
Tell me, 'Ewinged winds that round my pathway
roar,
Do ye not know some spot where coin will pass no
more?
Some lone and pleasant dell, some valley in the
West
Where moonshine money goes ana wildcat is the
best?
Upon the zephyr floats paintiye cry, obi
81 know that spot-the fools live in Ohio!"
The force Of habit made a Scranton barber
ask while shaving a corpse, "Does the razor
hurt?'
"What are our good fnen doing?" frantically
asks an excited political editor. Writing para
graphs and trying to keep up frst-class ap-
psarance on second class salary-Elmira
Gazette.
Editors like brevity, but man who was re-
Gently hanged in Indiana suited them too we'll.
He made no remarks about heaven, but nodded
to the preacher and said, "Pll see you later"
and then the trap fell.-Brooklyn Union.
AT the Ex position Frenchman sees an ar
nouncement in dentists display that a set Of
teeth has been marked, "Sold to Mile Broca-
tell" 'Grand Dieu!.' he exclams, "and Pm
going to marry her in eight days.
He jumped on board the railroa1 train
And cried, farewell, Lucinda Jane,
My precious, sweet Lucinda!"
Alas, how soon he changed his cry,
And, while the tear stood in his eye,
| He said: 'iConfound loose cindeTr'
Professor Edison is a wonderful genius, but
| he cannst explain why a mans gas bill is as
big when he resolves to economizs and en-
ploys only half the usual number Of burners,
as it is when he has the entire fourteen in full
blaze every night There are some mysteries
too deep for sciecce to reach.-Nofrissown Her.
aid.
The Sweet Singer of Michigan has laid in
four reams of paper and is now engaged in
writing Biblical poem. She has scratched all
the hair off the top Of her head hunting for
word to rhyme with Nebuchadnezzsr. Walt
Whitman would make "creation" rhyme with
| it and 60 straight head.-Norristown Herald.
In the current number of the Alliance Rev.
David Swing has clever article on 'The Mod
ern Lie" By way OF adding text to comment,
| little further along in the same number we
| come across the double head line, "The Re-
| ligious World-Chicago and Its Suburbs"
| For the present the Rev. David has the belt
| Philadelphia Sunday Times,
| "EVery time a Kentucky politician visits
Chicago after the adoption of the bell-punch,
ohink will 90 fifty cents into the city strong
box" says the Inter. Ocean. "And then the
Chicago politician will walk up to the strong
box, and chink will come that fifty cents out
| again" replies the Couriar-Journal.
"Well john" said a minister to one Of his
hearers, 81 hope you hold family worship reg
ularly?' "Aye, sir" answered John, sin the
time o year OF! What do you mesn?" aye
| ken, sir, we Gamma see in winter" "But, John,
you should buy candles" "Aye. SIR" replied
John, "but in that case, Pm afraid the cost
might owergang the profit"
A young fellow in San Francisco suddenly
| snatched kiss from a lady friend, and excused
himself by saying it was a sort of temporary
| insanity that now and then came upon him.
| When he arose to take his leave the plying
damsel said to him: 'If you ever feel any
more such fits coming on. you had better come
right here, where your iDfrmity is known. and
we will take Of you.''
"Try not to pass" the old m an said; SO the
urchin made it "next' instead.-New Haven
Register. And the old man chuckled and
nudged his pard, for he held both bowers and
the joker card.-Bridgeport Standard. And
| the fourth man muttered, "We can't afford to
have so much talking across the rd."-New
York Graphic. Then a smile DER the urchin's
face did steal, as he threw down six cards and
exclaimed, Mis-dealP'-Norristown Herald.
The late Erastus Smith of Hartford, Ct, who
was prominent lawyer there, used to be very
neglectful of his personal appearance, and
wore a soiled coat very much the worse for
wear. One day Richard d. Hubbard, now gov
ernor of the State, met Mr.. Smith wearing q
beautiful rose in his button hole. SIS not this
rose beautiful one," said Mr.. Smith; ''now,
Mr. Hubbard, can you imagine where got
it?' Quick as a flash Mr.. Hubbard replied:
II should think it might have grown there"
Providence Journal.
Magazine Notices.
Harper's Magazine for November opens with
bright little paper describing Free Kinder
garten in New York City, with exquisite pic
lures BY Miss Curtis, of real children involved
10 the entertainments of Frobeps wonderful sys-
A. 10 he. oh; nE h..ha-