The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1878-08-07
Humorous Items.

n
The first tanner-The sun.
Evening prayers-Burglars.
A soft's nap-A noodle asleep.
An ice th1ng--A polar expedition.
In writing, millers use floury language
A ''clear" case--Jumping bail-bond.
The early swimmer catches the cramp.
What is home without moth til ere9
Bootless attempt-Trying to go bare
foot
To make man feel sheepish--"Lam"
him.
War is inevitable. Marriages still con-
tinue.
A fool and his fathers money is soon
parted.
Wigs, in the language Of flowers, are
ielocks.
The path OF 5uty-Through the GUS
tom house.
Railroad depose-Turning out the SUI
perintendent.
The forerunners of a plauge--A mos
quito's legs.
Motto for hot nights-Learn to.lay bare
and to wait.
A case of suspended animation-A
man with braces { n.
If man 'smeans business he should
have business means.
The man isn't very hungry who AYERS
that he is above board.
Sitting Bull has evidently taken to In
dianeering.-LoaoeW Courier.
Why didn't "Japhet in Search of a
Father"go to Bag-dad2
The soda fountains motto should be,
<Business sizz business"
Motto for new hotels Charity covereth
multitude of boarders.
In very warm weather the schoo.mas-
ter is the only man who keeps his collars
straight
When married men complain of being
In hot water at home, it turns out half
the time it's scold.
A West Hill man calls his horse 'sTime, y
because when he is ssuntied" he "Waits
for no man,
The discrepancy between pepper and
good soil is: One is ground fine, and the
other is fine ground.
Take at least one good look at cocoa
nut, young man, before you have your
head moved and sandpapered.
The difference between a goose and some
men is that goose never gets into hot
water until it's dead.
It's no wonder, az critic recently re.
marked, that 1.-THE Raven savors Of an.
Gent Greece. It's Poe-made.
Aggravating: To think of a good Joke
after getting to bed, and not able to re-
cal word Of it next morning. 49,.
A minion of the law seized FANNY
Davenports tights at Scranton the othe1
day. There was nothing in them at the
time, however. 49,.
There are beautiful warm soda springs
IN Colorado, and people who go bathing
IN them at once exclaim: ''Ol but this i
soda-icious."
Birds are entitled to justice. When 8
man is indulging in a frolic, to say he is
tout on a lark" is libel on that bird
He is really out on swallow.
Who hath woe who hath sorrow
Well, that Nevada man who traded 8
mule for wife feels about as red around
the eyes as any of 'em.
An Independence (Kan.) woman wants
divorce because she was chlorofermed
aud carried off and married to her hus.
nand two or three days before she knew
The Detroit Free Press presents the
question, "Are watermelons healthv2,
Much depends, we should say, on the
teeth and enterprise Of the old gentle.
mans dog.
The Troy Times asks: "Should the
PRESIDENT pass out would Samuel J. Don
lnS" The chances are that he would not
he has proved himself too much of a pop-
Inlay. re
us this airfght?" inquired a man in q
hardware store, as he examined stove.
mo, sir" replied the clerk: .sair never
gets tight" BE lost a customer.
A Chicago chap advertises for several
steady girls to help on pantaloons. And
an envious scribe says that fellow who
can't help on his own pantaloons ought
to be ashamed to want girls to do it.
A man was killed by circular saw
and in his obitury notice it was stated
that ne "was good citizen, an upright
Christian, and an ardent patriot, but Of
limited knowledge in regard to circu, al
saws" e., -' : :
A Florida negro mlstook mule for
gnost and poked it with stick. The
vero'ct recltes that he came to his death
oy using too short stick IN probing the
unknoWable for evidence Of future ex.
istence. - =
At ! o'clock a. m. Tuesday the moon
passed close enough to Jupiter to enable
the man IN the former to hail the latter