The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1878-11-21
FLASHES.

Wanted-A brand-new stove.pipe
joke.
Object of interest-to swell the
principal.
Cheap out>of>door breakfast-A roll
on the grass.
A delicate parcel: A young lady
wrapped up in herself.
The girl who wears diamond ring
generally has an itchy uose.
A Colorado girl, Miss Eunice Stone,
always kisses the editors she visits.
Oh Eu.nice Stone.
Putting bent pin in chair is
practical joke. 1t never fails to excite
q mans riseability.
The papers speak of man who mas
"turned up missing" In other words,
he was found lost.
DR.. Holmes says that crying widows
marry first. There is nothing like wet
weather for transplanting.
Poor fellow He died "worn out by
too severe mental effort in the study OF
how to live without work"
The compositor who made it read,
"In the midst Of life We are in debt,"
wasn't much out of the way.
It is unlucky to pick up q horse
shoe, unless, Of course, it happens to be
attached to mules hind leg.
Merch ants who do not advertise are
like ship wrecked mariners, for they
see no sale (saiD from day to day.
There is no disgrace ir being poor.
the thing is to keep it quiet and not
let your neighbors know anything about
it.
The divorce market must still be easy
in Iadians. A country paper in that
State heads its list of marriages 1Iimitea
Partnership
In one of the Paris theatres they put
q woman in a cannon and shoot her
thirty feet into the air., and she keeps
on talking all the way.
A pretty girl Down Fast is mind
reader. She said to bashful beau the
other night: "La! I believe you are
going to kiss me-" She was right.
II promise. if elected, I won't always
have the rheumatism when the yeas
and nays'are called" is the announce
ment of New Brunswick candidate.
"Is that dog of yours cross breed ?
asked gentleman, recently, Of a coun-
tryman. "No, sir" was bis reply.
'eHis mother was gentle, affectionate
cretur.x
General Sherman says the stories
about the supposed unhappiness in his
family are lies" But Sherman is such
liar that nobody can credit anything
he says.
A patent two-horse street sweeper is
not as pleasant thing to meet, but it is
not quise so bad as to pass hallway
containinga determined woman and a
broom.
Philosophers say that closing the eyes
makes the sense of hearing more acute.
A wag suggests that this accounts for
the many eyes that close in our churches
on Sundays.
The following order was recently left
on the slate Of New Hampshire doc
tor Doc, cum up to ther house ; the
old man has got snaix in his butes
again, an raisin' kahn
A boy with patch on his knee can
not be hired to 60 on an .rrand to the
next house, but he will follow q band
all over town and never realize that he
isn't dressed in broadcloth.
1t is left for futurity to produce two
men who have sufficient Christian grace
to occupy different ofices:ou the second
floor Of a building, and then not wait
for each other to sweep the stairs.
Editors like brevity, but man who
was recently hung in Indiana suited
them too we'll. He made no remarks
about heaven. but nodded at the preacher
and said, "I'll see you later" and the
trap fell.
Mr.. Carrow, of Pittsfeld, did not
treat his wife with that amount Of con-
sideration which makes mutrimony at
tractiye. He married her in April,
hanged himself in May, and left her
with six children by his former wife to
prove for.
The man who borrows his home pa
per instead Of subscribing for it, is the
man who will try to crawl over the walls
of Heaven instead Of passing through
St. Peters gate; and those who do not
pay after subscribing, the Devil only
knows what will become Of them.
An Englishman was boasting to q
Yankee that they had book in the
British Museum which was once owned
by Cicero. "Oh, that amt nothin;',"
retorted the Yankee sin the museum
in Boston they've got tho lsad-pencil
that Noah used to check of the animals
that went into the ark" r~,...o ... !