Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-05-31
PRUNEs AND PRIsMs.
CONF uEsTLE srRISS.

PRUNES AND PRISMs.
| CONE GENTLE srRiSS.
| Smiling May when tho winds Of March
| Howl through the shiverlns tIessesi
When the very fret night the hres 20 out.
Al OF the house plants freezes.
| When a man if he sits on the outside porch,
| Gets the rheumatic in his kneescs;
| And The fellow whn takes his nannels on,
| Blows out his brains with sneezes.
When the bsby wakes up with an iron-clad Group
| And the mother its neck goose Sroases,
| And three or iour times day, tho rain
| Rains Just as hard as 1t plsss-s;
| When the cold, as the summsr draweth on,
| Cots up Its nerve and increases;
and the pie OF wood and coal in the shed
Evermore fades and decresies;
| When closer into the corners warm
| The granddad scrouches and squecBos
And every tina that you open door
Shudders and coughs and whee7es;
When the poet who tries TO sing OF spfiag
Is chilled by the snowy hceces,
And stuis his manuscript into tho stove,
! And his swash of the May timc cheeses.
Il cannot sing tho old songs" /; he sang
but did not lic for in both old and new songs
did time and tune defy.
One of our witty exchanges publishes the
item about Miss Hanna de Rothsehilds pre-
senting Lord Roseberry with check for n
million dollars. and adds: I'VE always
thought We should bo sorry for jilting that
girl"
poser.-Serjeant-m major Now, Private
Smith, YOU know very well none but officers
and non on-commssioned officers are allowed to
walk across this grass, Private Smith But,
Sergeant major. I've Captain Grahams verbal
orders to - Sergeant-major None O
that. sir Show me the captain verbal or
ders show III to me, sir : tPCnch.
brilliant and impulsive people. says an
.ba,, Oh I,np uIuiv
pie are only too apt TO get black eyes.-lCin-
cinnati Star.
The streets of Paris are kept SO clean and
tidy that the people who ore run over and
killed do not look SO mussed up as New
Yorker who slips on an orange peel
When u farmer in Hamilton county, New
York, found that his wife had eloped with a
tin-peddler, he went over and hired 4 band,
bought a new suit of clothes and gave Il
dance which cost him $50. He said it was a
good deal cheaper than buryirg her.
St Louis is torn up over the loss OF a
white poodle with a tan-colored ear, and the
Jo,U7d! offers chrome and an original poem
to the policeman who will recover him.
The average of circus joke is one hun
dred years. One died in Washington last
week at the advanced age of one hundred
and thirteen.
Minnesota girl has been serving Oh
railroad as brakeman in male attire She
gave civil answer to the questions of pas
senger. when her sex was at once suspected.
lady with fatal squint came once to a
fashionable artist for her portrait Would
your ladyship permit me. " he said. ito take
the portrait in profile There is n certain
shyness about one Of your laGyships eyes
which liz as difficult i'll art it lis fascinating
in nature" He understood his business, he
did.
barroom sharp has been discussing the
Beecher Tilton business in Austin. New, and
the HeireiIe says he reached the following
conclusion If / were Tilton l would not
want to live. | would be like Judas Iscariot,
and take a Y-shOoter and 60 Oft to some Sc
cluded spot and blow of the top of my
head"
Mr.. Labouchere vouches for All anecdote
current at the recent sale of Turner's works
i'll London. well known artist was at his
easel. with his hoy i'll buttons i'll attend
ance, when for q moment the artist ceased
painting, placing upon chair his palette.
upon which patches of variety OF colors
were dotted i'll admired disorder. The page
thoughtlessly sat down upon the palette.
The painters rage at first knew no bounds.
but suddenly he exclaimed. 'Stand still, boy.
don't move You have got magnificent
Turner on your breeches y
Whom James called up one Sunday night,
Aglow with loves bright flames,
Ilo sought the sofa where she Fat,
''soia, 80 good" said James.
A year thrice told has come and gone,
With JOY and hopes. and bother
Now stands crib where the sofa did,
Rays James, "A little father"
As they were taking their oysters the lady
gave q little scream OF rapture and detached
from one OF the bivalves that had fallen to
her share II pearl. Il wonder" she said, as
she ex"mined it closely. ''if it is worth any
thing. There does seem to he flaw i'll IT,
Her lord and master inspects it critically and
returns 1t with sapient shake of the head.
Bogus, sure" he says they couldn't af
ford to give real pearls with oysters at twer
ty-iive cents II dozen"
Mark Twain told II newspaper reporter that
he was going abroad i'll order to hud IL quiet
place to write, where he would not bs dis
turbed once II day. 1t is singular that it nov
er occurred to him to remain ut homo and
secure a desk in store that doesn't adyer-
tise.- NoriStolrn Herald.
The JERSEY Cify journal decides Oleomar-
garet wouldn't be an appropriate name for
girl because she might not turn ont to he
suet 10y aud by.
An old colored woman of one of the back
counties sings all the good old Methodist
hymns, but she gets them mixed sometimes.
She sings -
Sweet prospects, sweet birds and swept flowers
Have lost all their sweetness but me.
And another
Am n shoulder of a hoss,
quarter Of a lamb
She means all right, though, bless her good
heart. Hartford Times.
Tho name OF the phonograph in German ID
nsergehausnekiteitigen eicht-
aunsgesprecher. When you wind that up on
the cylinder, and leave it till 1t gets cold, and
then grind it out, it usually tears the ma
chine to pieces and strikes the house with
lightning Irar. Rec.
A Norristown fisherman caught twenty
seven tIout, some of them, he says. weighing
over two pounds apiece. He would have
caught more, but lie Is not Ia very good liar
Norristo,rn Herald
T stands among the first and onter-
prising young men of this town, and he has
stood 1t long and well ere embarking upon
the matrimonial sea. He IL n young man OF
temperate and gentle habits. anu deserves a
kind and loving wife, which, beyond nll
doubt, he has captured. He loved C as
he could love no other and oft upon stilly
night when all the rest of the inhabitants OF
that quiet town would be drowned in the
arms of Morpheus. he could be seen making
his exit gently by the garden gate. But now
1t is all over and the victory lis won.- Spring
Valley (Pa) Times.
What has become of the people who went
to the Centennial queries an exchange
Quite number OF them are tramps, several
have taken advantage Of the bankrupt law
some have married, suicided. gone West and
got INTO Jail. II lew write "reminiscences for
the magazines. about II thousand have been
quietly shot down by an outraged public to
stop their everlasting twaddo on the subject,
and the remainder maintain II diplomatic re-
serve.
Rates Of Postage.
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Europe.
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Local. or drop" letters. that is, for the
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thereof. Single copies OF the FRRR PRFss
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