The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1878-04-23
WIT AND H ll[lJ:

H., WI AMI HO4nUh'
MINT's NEAT Gold and silver.
Yes, dear; you can use your spring
mattress in the fall.-Derrick.
HE'LL has no fury like mustard plas-
ter.-Fulton Times. III &5
The Barber of Seville never yelled
"next! "--London advertiser. ,..,,,,~.,.
The "Fernsprecher," or far talker, is
what the Germans have concluded to call
tho telephone. ts.. ~. .s.e.s. IN ...I %...i.
The boys don't say "dry up" for
slang, any more. "Plug up your pho
nograph is the latest.
The fat girl of Iowa is dead. She
measured seven feet around the waist.
and wasnever completely Rugged.
A NEWSPAPER speaks of a horse that
eats meat. Budd Doble says be never
saw horse actually eat meat, but he
has seen many one running for a stake.
A WICKED paragrapher says that Vim
ME Ream's bust Of David Davis is said
to resemble the Cardiff giant, and fiat
tiers himself on the Reamark. ".'.
4 r AT Cannes a sign for the benefit of
English tourists, Repairs hung with
stage COACH" was discovered to mean
"Repairs executed with diligence.
IT staggers an Englishman when he
gets over here and hears a fellow called
colonel" who doesen't look as though
he knew enough to cock a cannon.
1T was time for the Cuban war to close.
For the last two years the rebel leaders
have contented themselves with grow
ing fierce mustaches and playing num-
.bletypeg. ..z..-a
SHE said, "Oh yes, am very fond of
little boys" and as SNOWFALL stuck in
the back Of her neck she added, | feel
as though I could eat couple this min
ute-boiled.- Rome Sentinel.
A DRAMATIC critic says Modjeska can
summon up a, flush at pleasure. She
would make a valuable partner in
game of bluff. Nine times out of ten
flush is good, we've been told.
A SCORE Of full-born Americans will
move three wagon-loads of Timber to I'M
cover poor old rat, where cash offer of
fftv cents each would have no effect
Detroit Free Press.
FROM the reply with certain of the
European powers have made to the Otto.
man circular, they have evidently mis-
taken it for circular ottoman, some
thing to be sat upon.-Punch.
WHEN country pedagogue starts in
on general whaling tour Of the schools,
is it to be wondered at that plentiful
crop of blubbers is the result?-N. Y.
Commercial.
n STRANGER who was about to pur-
chase building lot in Danbury, wanted
the deed made out so as to protect him
against any future action by Mrs. Gaines.
of Louisiana.-Graphic.
DR.: MARY WALKER wants to be
policeman, and with the police stand, a
helmet hat upon her head, club within
her hand, in Washington, D. C.-Free
Press.
WHEN you look around you at church,
during dull sermon, don't you find it a
little difficult to realize that thousands
of people die every year for want Of
sleep? - ''' -.
"WHY did you leave your last place."
inquired young housekeeper about to
engage 3 new servant. "Why, you see,
ma am," replied the applicant, ~ was
too good looking, and when opened the
door folks took me for the misus"
A LITTLE damsel, being aggravated
beyond endurance by her big brother,
fell down upon her knees, and cried:
90, Lord! bless my brother Tom. He
lies, he steals, we swears. All boys do;
us girls don't. Amen" v~
SHAVE you Chaucer9" said young
lady, looking in at a bookstore. The
polite young clerk replied "No, he never
used it; but there was tobacconists
just two doors above Meao York Com.
advertiser.
AN enthusiastic Indiana editor wrote
after the convention: "The battle is
now opened" but, ala"! the intelligent
compositor spelled "battle" with an 0,
and his readers said they had suspected
it all along. f
CAN your horse run fast?" asked
boy of a milkman the other morning.
@No, sonny" replied the purveyor of
aqueous lacteal fluid. He can't run
very fast, but he can stand the fastest OF
any horse ever you saw" -.
r. A SUBSCRIBER asks us, "what is good
for warts on horses?" We don't know.
We never owned butone pair of horses
a wood horse and a clothes horse-and
they were never troubled with warts
Pittsbury 7slegraph.4a &, r.,
LADIES must not read this: 'oelQl
s4eS5ns s-~6mouooH 's2ueo sAg-A4
-ueM4 1oI ae1qa 10 'Snq s4ueo ueL
'qo1uqo eq4 o. so!1s!Ixne elqsnIsA So
eu!sW tI!isIs!oos ,.unm,, p7peooons eAvq
ss!41ed ssSnHn-Endianapohs Sentinel.
KENTUCKY turns out seventy-one doc.
tors as her share of the spring quota. II
each one kills twenty-four patients dur
ing his practice LOO people will have
been tucked away through the influence
Of one college. >, 49, r.55.1. .1.., -
AFTER the storm had ceased. the other
day, he remarked to his wife: "Guess
the snow is all over" 8 Yes" she re-
piled, "al over the ground" He only
said:' "It's snow jokin' matter" This
cutter alittle.s& u. ~ 20 b--assg VOC
A cLoTH1ER has excited public curl
osity by having large apple painted on
his sign. When asked for an explana-
ton, he inquired, If it hadn't been tor
an apple, where would the ready-made
clothing stores be to-day?". "
! . A BROOKLYN paper, speaking OF a
workman, in a hat factory in that city,
who was SO unfortunate as to have his
entire beard torn off by being caught in
revolving belt, says that it was mar
row escape. It was rather a close shave,