Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-09-27
NUNC EST ItIBENDUM.

| YOU HtbCuit one
: black. This will do very well for half mour
p ing In about six months-[Punch.
[. Mrs. Shoddy's views are interesting
. those who are thinking about keeping ca
riage. She says she has thought it all owe
and come to the conclusion that brooches Il
, amost too large, that these ere coupons n
q too shut up. but that a nice stylish poI
I phantom seems to be just the thing.
: The Waning of the Honeymoon.-An
: ma (supprcssing an inclination to yawn)
2 How nice 1t would be if some friend were
turn up wouldn't it. Edwin 2" Edwin (aft,
yawning ly)-''Ye-e-e-es = or son
enemy"
r OF the many Poles emigrating TO tn
, country it is remarked that u very large pc
centage are men-tailors. This is doubtle,
accounted for by the mutual attraction b.
tween the needle and the Pole.
; An Albany clergyman was recently tellin
n marvellous story. when his little girl said
, Now. pop. say. is that really true, or is
just preaching 7"
Last winter an old lady remarked, indi.
nantly: IF the bills before Congress al
not counterfeit, why should there be such
difficulty in passing them
"Nat monster language" said French
man here read in 20 newspapers Eat
man commit q murder, was committed 70
trial, and zen committed himself TO a repol
talre. No wonder everything in America i
done by committee"
young lady of six summers, living in til
southern part of the city, rushed into he
mothers presence on Sunday last, with tn
remark, Mother, wonders will never cease
why. my dear ?" why. Mr. and Mrs. W
are sitting on the porch talking just as swee
as though they weren't married."
On the fourteenth ultino q tottering OLE
man, who proclaimed himself a centenariap
was securing repeated treats from ardent Re
publicans by declaring that he had been d
prisoner in the eccursed Bastille. whose de.
moltion they were celebrating. The sympa
thizing crowd figured it out 'I7S9 from
iS1S-he was only eleven years DID, o. the
horrors of the d,ciea regime. lola. qdrcon .
| pose i,S en- hGW encore. iii, boy set EN- III,
AGAIN. > They asked him, as he was wiping
his mouth, how long he had rotted in that
loathsome dungeon Thirty years." he
said IN n sepulchml voice. Horrible - er-
claimed the crowd. AT the age of eleven
the unfortunate child had already been thirty
years secluded from light and air 4 bas les
tyraaS :"
The town of Fairplay, Col. so named from
the falr manner in which its people play
poker, was enlivened not long since by n
little game, whose satisfactory result will
commend it favorably to all who become en-
tangled IN like disputes. Before the draw,
Mr.. Graves held n king full, and Walker re-
Jolced III three aces, but alter that interesting
ceremony. Walker exhibited four aces and
claimed the stakes whereon Graves drew a
sx-shootcr and reckoned his hand was the
best. Walker Immediately supplemented the
four aces with a bowie knife and the dispute
was settled to the perfect satisfaction of the
outsiders. There was enough in the pot TO
purchase two handsome cofiins and the next
day both gentlemen took up permanent resi-
dences, side by side. in the beautiful Gene
tery that reflects SO much credit upon Fair
play.
There are times when the patient house
wife grows weary of sewing for others to rip.
New Orleans Picayune.
Fashionable Mother Maria, I'm almost
discouraged how many times have told
you not to say tater. but pertater?"
Woman, quoth James ''are the salad Q. life.
At once = boon and n blessing"
In one way they re salad indeed replied Brown,
They take so much time in their dressing"
Professor "And after each performance,
gentlemen, You should always put your right
and TO your lips, and draw it away, smilln',
as II yon was pullin' n air out of your mouth.
Like this ere ~ SLOWS them howl
Punch.
The Detroit Free Press feelingly remarka
Nothing has so many ties binding it to
earth rs railroad"
He was an entire stranger to the girls pres
ent. and the boys were mean and would not
introduce him. Ee finally plucked up cour-
age, and stepping up to a young lady re-
quested the pleasure of her company for the
next dance She looked ut him in surprise
and informed him that she had not the plea
sure OF his acquaintance "Well," Remarked
the young man, lyon don't take any more
chances than do
new Duluth (Alinn.) city ordinance gives
the awful warning that ANY COW, of either |
sex, hereafter found sporting q bell or ring |
ing the same within said limits shall, upon |
conviction thereof, be subject to fine Or i'm |
prlsonment, or both, ut the discretion of the |
court
IN ", edy gardens whore the whole day long
The buube-nee doth sing his merry song,
And through the night herce tom-cats light and
squall
hear the or m son. ripe tomatoes fall,
\ hat luscious iruit! scorned as Of little use
- those who never loved thy wild, delicious Juice,
And doubling Thy are-hayOred r.cy pulp, lreier
he Luscious co"lness of the cucumberi
'ruit, that | oft, in bog hoods happy time
iuchru green ana h4id ana sour 10 the taste,
rom thy ssLk growing. oark green wormy vine
fruits iron every island in the sea
,eiore my eyes in tempting D les wero placed,
d not refuse single one Tor thee
A London correspondent says Burnum has
elegraphed to his agent in London to take
1 once the necessary steps for the purchase
4 THE castle in which Othello strangied
)esdemona. This is true and perhaps it
) not generally known that Barnnm has also
Instructed his ag' ut to purchase the dagger
ihich Macbeth thought he SAW before HIM.
nd wanted to clutch. i Norristown Herald
Joe Jefferson, while playing Rip Van Win
lie at Chicago last spring. spent a day in
shing and went to the theatre in the eve
ing very tired. The curtain rose for the
bird act, disclosing Rip in his twenty wears
ap; but instead of waking at the proper
ioment he kept on sleeping. The audience
ecame impatient. tho prompter uneasy
lnally the galleries became uproarious. and
voice inquired If there WAS .'going to be
lneteen years more snooze business" Then |
ne prompter tried to start the actor, and at
!st prodGed him with pin through trap
| the stage, and Rip started up with howl.
Gentleman with liberal mouth in saloon
,Brihg me slice of squash pie, waitaw"
alttr-'1o GU can eat squash pie sur" q |
. !. m.-"Wy not I'd like to know >" Wait
Cost wy, 1t I'D run into yer ears. =
Norwich Euletin
The persistent wretch who is always ask
~ "ls this hot enough for You Z" will get |
Is reward one of these days. When n dark
'mpleXioned old person with horns shall
al him In, crying. lis his hot enough for
'uf he Will understand louisville /
ourier-Journal. I
German editor has amused himself by
aking collection of mixed metaphors /,
nong them are the following We will !
ned an inspired Democrat, burn all our
ilps, and with every sail unfurled, steer
'ldly ont into the ocean of freedom = JUS
&c Minister Hye. in 1919. in a speech to the
Jenna students, impressively declared
he chariot of the Revolution is rolli,.g '
ong and gnashing its teeth M il rolls A
IN n-Gerninist Mayor of Rhinclnnd corpor- 1
ION rose still higher in an address to the a
mperor He said No Austrin, no Prus- v
a, one only Germany, such were the words e
e mouth of your Imperial Majesty has al b
iys had in Its eye. Prof. Johannes Scherr. v
criticism on Lenau's Lyrics, writes a
ut Of the dark regions Of philosophical
oblens the poet suddenly let's swarms of
ngs dive up. carrying far flashing pearls of
ought IN their henks.'" -
Legal perseverance, with all its wondrous /
senulty is not always successful i'll elIcitine y
e desired answer. Was there ANYTHING in &
e glass 2 asked a counsel of somewhat n
luctant witness. "Well, there WAS some q
ing IN 1t, he replied. "Ah. thought we Ii
onld get 1T 1t i'll time. observed the tr-
lphnnt questioner. Now. my good fellow. t.
! us what the something WAS" The good
low took time 10 think over it. and at last Il
a~led ont. at were n spoon" e
Little Allie l., "A four-years old, takes u
rat interest IN the story of Samson. Not NJ
lg since he had his hair cut close in the
e'nIling style, and soon after was seen in l.
2 VAN attempt to turn IA summersault.
me one remarked allie, you don't seem
succeed very well in turning somersaults." =,
80. he gravely replied Il am not MS " "
ong as ! was ! have lost all my hair"
Irper's Magazine T.
Judge -, of the Judicial District of
kansas, had brought before MIN convict fir
ielon to be sentenced. The opportunity sa
improve the occasion was not to be lost,
II ultgr thp usuuI l.,..,,1 !