The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-05-02
Miscellaneous items.

Miscellaneous items.
School Mistress. "Nov what arc the
principal things we get out of the
earthf" Youthful angler, Confidently
"Worms!'
Parsnips, it is said, greatly enrich the
milk Of COW: We advise our n,ilkmen
to try the effect Of this vegetable upon
the pump handle.
Ascientiffc question worthy the atten.
tiohof Darwin is, Did the potency and
power OF white spots on the finger nails
exist in the nebular hypothesisf"
Ex-Congressman Vance, of Ohio. and
! the pretty wife Of music teacher, are
the last to join the innumerable caravan
thaehas gone to hunt Charley Ross.
Jones modify remarks that he always
keeps his word. To which Smith sar-
castlcally replies, t'Of course you keep
your word, because nobody else will take
In . window Of shop in an obscure
part Of London is this announcement:
':doods removed, messages taken, car
pets beaten, and poetry composed on any
subject.
A Texas man got mad because a walt
er handed him a napkin the other day.
He said he "rcckoned he know'd when to
use an'xercher without havin' no hints
thrown out"
"How does the new cow answer2" ask
ed one man of another who had lately
purchased an animal. II really can't
say" he replied, "for I've never asked
her any questions
Master" Bridget, have you seen my
Ulster2" Bridget usually very civil :.
No sure and haven't it: and what's
more, I don't want to. Me brother had
one on his leg onst, and I never want to
see another"
Bad luck is simly man with his han ds
in his pockets, and his pipe in his mouth,
looking on to see how it is coming out.
Good luck is man OF pluck, with his
sleeves rolled up, and working to make it
come out right.
During dinner the conversation hap
pened to fall upon the household affairs.
A gentleman said carelessly. cit is very
disagreeable to be obliged to dismiss an
old servant, but still I must get rid of my
valet de chamber" "Why2" IL have
been asking for foot bath for the last
eight years. He has never thought of
it, and really cannot do without one any
longer"
10. Cook is inspired. There is no
doubt Of it. Listen to how he flung him
self in his Monday lecture III Boston: " II
there is any young man in this audience
about to be married to young woman
Of about his own age, that future wife is
nov living somewhere upon the earth! =!
The recondite proposition partakes of the
nature of piopnecy. 1t is not mere coin
cidence. 1t is real out burst Of the d.
vine tlatulence.
A Danbury boy of pugnacious turn was
taken to task by his mother for striking
a companion. She told him he must ask
the forgiveness of the wronged one. lie
went up to him, having his back to his
mother, and whispered through his
c'enched teeth: "1've got to ask you to
forgive me for hitting you, and you'd
better speak right up at once that you do
or I'll give you something to remember" /"
The victim spoke up.
A Minister was once engaged to preach
to his Sunday school, but after the little
people were all placed before him in or
der, be told them that some of them
might be weary and want to go out befor
he had finished, so he would rather have
any who fancied they would like to 60
to do so now, and then no one would he
disturbed. For a moment all sat still
then one little fellow got his hat and
went down the aisle; another and another
followed, until not a child was lett.
"Your husband is sick good deal of
late, isn't he2' remarked Southern Iili-
nois woman to another one day this week
"Yes," answered the wife, ''he got TUX
down mighty hard with them Ier ager
shakes agin.'' II shud think it 'ud be
sorter distressin' like ter have him round
the house, remarked the other sympa-
thizingly, "'spec'ly when your house
cleanin'." "Wal, so it wud be, replied
the wife, in self-consoling tones, "but
when he's got into one of his chills, and
want the rag carpet shuk, yer see he's q
powerful smart hand to hitch on to it,"
"Dear Mr.. Hawkeye, should one take
ones soup from the side or end Of the
spoon? Edward" Oh, we'll, if you've
got so stuck up and proud that you have
to eat with apoon, we don't suppose Fl,
makes any difference, but we should
think you would have enoug b reverence
for the good old days and grand simple.
ity of the better times, and take your
soup as your father did; bow it until il
is cold, then lift the plate with both
hands, and empty it by steady and long
continued suction, making a Tipping
sound with your lips at the conclusion o.
of the services to indicate to the waiter
that you are ready E,r the next course
It is thew tangled ideas that are driving
the old simplicity and the old purity ou
OF style aad existence, and crowding socl
ty to the edge of the awful precipice tina
leans and totters in crumbllng weakness.
over the dark and fathomless abyss O.
corruption and Observation-Disclosures.
Electric Light in Chicago.
! Chicago Times.
The new electric light at the water-work