, 1878-05-03
Wit and HumOr.

is not proper to postpone on account OF
rain.
II you don't want to die with the hy-
drophobia pull out your dogs teeth while
they are young.
You've women are advised to set good
exampes-beCause young men are al
ways following them.
CATS are affeCtionate; they love young
chickens, sweet cream and the best place
in front of the fireplace.
THE schoolboys in California when
asked, "IIow is the earth divided2" an
swer, by earthquakes"
THE trailing dress is moribund." -
Sun. "Some of them are more ribboned
than others."-N. Y, Mail.
THE fashionable girl of the period,
when in full street dress, looks very much
like cows tail-biggcst at the lower
end.
"IN selecting husband" said Mrs.
Putler, "above all things choose man of
cultivation" This remark narrowed the
girl to such an extent that she weHt off
and married farmer.
PROVERBS are hundred gallons of
sap boiled down to a pound of sugar
Here is one from Servia, which expresses
unanimous conviction: "One never
feels three hundred blows On another
mans back"
A SALOON KEEPER, having started
business in a building where trunks had
been made, asked a friend what he had
better do with the old sign, "Trunk Fac.
tory" "Oh," said the friend, "just
change the T to d, and it will suit you
exactly
A WESTERN farmer, being obliged to
sell a yoke of oxen to pay his hired man,
told him he could not keep him any
longer. "Why," said the man, "I'll stay
and take some of your COWS in place of
money" But what shall do" said the
farmer, "when my cows and oxen are all
gomez" Why, you can then work for me,
and get them back"
MANY mothers are either compelled to
stay away from church and theatre, or
take their babies with them. A poor
woman took her little one in her arms to
hear famous preacher. The loud voice
from Il platform awoke the child and
made it cry, and its mother got up and
was leaving the hall, when the minister
stopped her by saying, "My good woman,
don't go away. The baby doesn't dis
turh me-" "lt isn't for that, sir, leave"
she replied with perfect unconscious
ness of sarcasm, ''it's you who dsturbs
the baby"
A YOUNG stranger called on DR..
McC---- one evening, while he was a
pastor in New York City, to engage his
services in the performance of nuptial
ceremony.
81 wish to make bargain with you,
Doctor" said the young man. ~ think
the girl am to marry will make first
rate wife. If you will wait year for
your fee, and she turns out as think she
will, I'll then give you fifty dollars"
They agreed, the young couple were
married, and the incident passed from
the Doctors mind. At the end of year,
at the same time in the evening, the
young man called again. The Doctor
did not recognize him at first.
"DO you not remember the bargain We
made when you married me year ago?"
"Oh, yes" replied the Doctor.
"Well," said the young man, "she is
twice as good as | thought she was.
There is one hundred dollars for you"
"WHAT makes that noiscl' asked a
little boy on the train the other day.
"The cars" ans wered his mother. "What
for2" because they are moving" What
are they moving for2" "The engine
makes them" "What engine'" "The
engine in front" whats it in front
for2' "To pull the train" "What train2"
"This one.' "This carr" repeated the
youngster, pointing to the one in which
they sat- "Yes." "What does it pull it
f1ri" "The engineer makes it," "What
eagineer?" "The man on the engine"
"What enginc9" "The one in front"
"What is that in front for!' 81 told you
that before" "Told who what2" "Told
you" "What for2" "Oh, be still you
are nuisance" whats nuisance2'
"a boy who asks too many questions" b"
"Whose boy" "My boy" "What ques-
tions2" The conductor came through
Just then and took up the tickets, and
the train pulled up to the station before
We could get all of the conversation. The
last we heard, as the lady jerked the
youngster off the platform, was; "What
Conductor?n
AN illustration of the spirit Of the
times was the following little family
scene, when bright four-ye old
little lady was initiating her elders by
playing "make calls" Now, mamma,
you be Mitheth Dones, and III be
Mitheth Smith, an tum an mate you
tall.n Mamma-"Very well, Mrs.
Smith, am glad to see you, how do you
do, and how are the children" Totty-
"Im twite well, | tank you, but the
children has all dot the hoopin' totf."
Mammal am sorry to hear it. How
many children have you, Mrs. Smith3'
Totty-"Oh, l has ten, an dey is gate
tyal to me wifi my housekeepin'." Mann
ma-"They must be, indeed. But how
does your husband, Mr.. Smith, do'
Totty-"He's very well, tank you, but
he's had very bad bithness and he hath
failed" Mammal am sorry to hear
that your husband has failed, but you