The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-04-25

mere song, takes it home Of an even
ing, puts It in the machine, gets one of
his .children to turn the crank, and
straightway Mr.. Murdoch, Mr.. VAN
denhoff, or Mrs. Dainty commences
reading the novel to the delighted fam
lily. Again, the admirers Of Mr..
Beecher by similar process can have
that gentleman preach his own sermon
to them in their parl0rs with all the
graces of his oratory, and Moody and
Sankey can hold . revival service on
piece Of copper five inches in diameter,
without exposing one to the danger
of being squeezed to death or hav-
ing his pockets picked. KEEL
logg and Cary can MARBLE their
sweetest melodies to rs at so
much . plate, without the odious and
plebeian necessity of standing in line
Tor reserved seat, or of being ha>
assed by the quarrels of prime do'sne:
while the prominent singers OF the Old
World, who never come here: can grow
familiar by the same pleasant process
of turning q crank. OF course we shall
have to take the music without accom-
paniment, but, as accompaniment are
almost always bad, their absence will
be matter for congratulation. One of
the most delightful applications of the
photograph will be its summary
squelching of the chronic bore. Every
business man will keep phonograph,
into which the bore will talk his errand.
and the merchant can grind it out at
his leisure or let it alone, as he pleases.
The peripatetic and garrulous book
agent enters, with his customary fiend-
ish smile, and is at once introduced to
the photograph, in some retired
corner, into whose unsympathet-
ic ears he pours his conven-
tional harangue. A few trials will
suppress the most inveterate and
persistent book agent that ever trav-
eled, for which the gratitude of long
suffering world will be due to Mr.. Edi-
son, gunpowder and strychnine hav-
ing thus far failed to have any effect
upon this class of undesirable inevita-
bilities. The photograph will also be
q source of comfort and consolation to
1ong-sufferihg wives whose husbands
are in the habit of staying out late at
night and returning in the small hours
to wrestle with the key-hole, and event
ually 20 to bed with their boots on.
To get even with these wretches, the
poor woman has to sit up and wait
their coming in order to more effectu-
ally free her mind. Having her pho
nograph, she can speak q vigorous
lecture into it, and, fixing the clock
work SO that it will go of at the time
she knows he will return, she can COM
pose herself to sleep, confident that
her representative will do her work
with the necessary vigor and emphasis,
and that the victim will have to endure
It. He may raise the window and
pitch the phonOgraph into the
street, but the machine will none
the less have its say out, and in this
case will have the immediate neighbour
for listeners. For the curtain-lecturs
business the photograph will be Of
great advantage, as it can be set to e
off at any specified time, like an alarm
clock. A woman specially gifted in in
vective and sarcasm, and having gooi
flow of speech, could do a thriving
business by supplying plates to those O.
her sex less gifted in the science o.
combing down recreant spouses and re
ducing them to state of pliability ant
won t-do-so-any-more. Many family
jars might be pleasantly adjusted by tn,
photograph. The husband and wifi,
could scOld it out into their instru
ments, and leave them on the bureau
for the housemaid to take out into thu
backyard, where they could sputter a
each other without doing any harm
Right at this point, however, Their
is a startling possibility. Mr.. Edi
sons aerophone is only colossa
telephone that conveys sound fol
ten miles. The alarming capabilitie
of such an instrument are apparen
when the reader contemplates an irat'
woman, whose husband is out latel
than he ought to be, in possession of ,
voice ten miles long and as big as ,
small clap of thunder. The clocl
strikes twelve, one, two; the who'll
city is wrapped in silence. when sud
denly voice cries through the startle,
air, awakening every one from sleep
"John Henry Jones, you come hom
right off, or you'll catch it." Such de
velopments of domestic discipline ar
among the alarming possibilities of MI
Edison's inventions. Nevertheless, W
are inclined to regard him as one Q
the wonders of the world. While Hulk
ley, Tyndall, Spencer and the othe
thenrisfs talk and sneculate. he uuietl
produces accomplished facts, and, wit
his marvellous inventions, is pushin
the whole world ahead in its march t
the highest civilization. making lif
more enjoyable, and proving the de
claration of that old fogy, Solomon
that there is nothing new under til
sun, to be arrant nonsense. ChicGg
Tribune.
| FACTS AND FIGURES.
| DEADwOoD 10 1888 feet above tn