The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-01-31
Miscellaneous.

N kOO0 many Llch dic III AhC oN0N VI
health when they are out OF spirit.
How. does COW become.a laaded es.
tate ? BY turning her into 2 field
A man made to command rs different
TO one~made to order.
France has forty million hens, with
only FIVE million women TO throw things
at them.
1t is not impolite to eat corn off the
cob. but it is impolite to watch any one
/. else doing it.
When lager beer began to be the thing
to drink, a gentleman was recommended
to use it as a tonic. 81 would" said he,
"but it's Teutonic."
Josh Billings says: Don't despise
rich sometime, and then il would be so
hard to explain things"
Two souls with but a single thought
two ragamuffins climbing over an orchard
fence, with fierce eyed dog in pursuit.
The good are never successful in catch
ing fish. We have tried it ourselves.
A Lady's home dress ought to wear
long while; she never wears it out.
We find selfmade men very often, but
self-unmade ones a good deal oftener.
Thare IL no man who needs so much
watching az the one who il all the time
watching some one else.
Blessed is the man who give his wife
ten cents, without asking her what she is
going to do with it.
A chap who opened a sample room
ever atheatre. appropriately painted over
his door the word Dram attic.
An Irish sailor once visited a city.
where he said they copper bottomed the
tops Of their houses with sheet lead.
Swinging is said by the doctors to be
good exercise for health, but many a
poor wretch has come to his death by it,
An emirent philologist, when asked
what "modus operandi meant. replied
that it was Latin for how the old thing
works.
Philosophy is a good thing. Philoso-
ply gives a man cheek enough to pay
one cent for a newspaper and five for
poor cigar.
why is it, husband, that whenever we
send for pound of tea or coffee to the
grocer, it falls an ounce short D. "Oh,
its just a weigh he has"
where are you going2" asked little
boy Of another who had slipped and fallen
on the icy pavement Going to get upf"
was the blunt reply.
~ L.
too much. He is a perfect mule" 20,
having an ass for a father" The old
man was silent.
"Gobang" is the name of a new English
parlor game for children. In this coun-
try il is played upon the piano. and has
been in vogue ever since we can remem-
ber.
One of Sir Boyle Roche's invitations to
an Irish nobleman was rather equivocal:
II hope, my lord. if ever you come with
in mile OF my house. you'll stay there
all night"
Some one seeing two or three eminent
lawyers pathered together on the site OF
the New Lsr Courts. said they had met
to view the ground where they must
shortly lie.
81 say, John, when did you get that
horrible looking hat 2? please, yer
honor, said John, Its an old one of yours
that missis give me yesterday when you
went to town"
"Sir, do you mean to say that ! speak
falsely?R said person TO French gen.
tleman. mo. sare. / say not dat; but,
uualL arnnnd ahntat the
truth very much"
Bill: ..What, Jim, my boy, met with
another accidentT' Jim Accident
met with nothing else never go out.
but expect to see myself being brought
home dead on a shutter"
Peeping in the window: Heres a
fraud. Billy-brown.stone front-cast-
iron trimmings-nickelpl door-plate
and by jimminy, il they hain't got an
infant goose for Thanksgiving
In Switzerland donkeys have bells on
their necks. In this country it is not
unusual to see them with bellies on their
arms
Maybe they did "have giants in those
days" but they couldn't have locke d any
bigger than a free-born American citizen
feels when he's in procession.
A Nantucketar has raised wheat from
seed found in the hand OF an Egyptian
mummy. He is now experimenting with
corns taken from the mummys feet.
Ann Soaring was sent up for stealing
an ulster overcoat in Wall street. This,
however. can scarcely be the fne-Ann.
Soaring we have heard about in that To-
cality.
The little village of Antwerp, N. Y,
contains sixtytwo widows. No book
agent or sewing machine man, they say
ever goes into the place without coming
out dead or married.
"How to Discourage Your Minister" Is
the title of an article in the newspapers
We know of no better way than TO give
him donation parties. One or two oil
these will bow him down to the ground
man may ehnde disagreeable cred
itor for long while sometimes, but
there's one thing in this uncertain vale
of tears he cant dodge. When a sneezt
has business with fellow it always find,
him at home.
The tramp in France seems to possesi
as ready wit as does his American cousin
Met with the response that there wal
nothing for him TO do. he answered
"Oh, madame, if you only knew how
little work would occupy me"
InAationists argue that "there is no
now and never will be enough gold in tn,
country" Speaking of gold. we are re
minded that it is the lack Of the precious
stuff in our pocket and not in the coun
try that worries u.s.