The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1878-09-20
Ar THE FAIR.
THE THRILLING EXPERIENCE OF A COM
MITTEE MAN.


The Burlington Halok EVe Time and
/ again you have seen and read in the ad-
veriisements of sOulsaving and body. cur
ing 'bitters,' and back bracing and spirit
strengthening porous plasters," the at
/ tractive statement. in display lines, thai
cit WAS awarded the first prize at the Cen
tennial Exhibition at Philadelphia. You
I have probably wondered, il you ever gave
I The subject second thought. bow, under
/ the sun, the judges who made these awardE
/ tested the 6itters and the porous plasters
/ We often wondered about that very thing
but last evening we met young man a.
the NicOllet House, Minneapolis, who re
/ lateO TO us one of the strangest aud most
1 touching experiences we ever listened to.
! 1t seems that in common with all Mime
| apolitans, Mr.. Eldridge {. Hendricks q
young merchant of good prospects aud
! high moral standing, was enthusiastic on
the subject of the fair. He dreamed about Il
| and talked about it, aud one day. when he
heard his Junior clerk say he Believed he
| would rather go aud shoot chickens ths
/ go to- the fair, Mr.. Hendricks discharged
him on the spot, and hired another clerk {
| wash the windows and sweep off the sidt
| walk Wen, Mr.. Hendricks enthusiasm
! did not escape the notice of the managers
and one evening when he came around t.
the NicOlet House to entertain Mr. Junper
| by reading the register aloud TO him
! (hotel people being intensely fond of thai
kind of amusement, and having so little
| time to devote To it themselves be vas
| told that Colonel King was waiting for him
| in the paTlor. He went i'm aud stood in the
presence of the man who made the Mime
I apolis fair SO big that the edges of il stuck
| out over the State lines all around in every
direction. like the bones in a nice piece of
baked shad.
"Mr. Hendricks" said the Colonel, stvo1
are the very man the State of MIuneapoiis
has been crying for. We want YOU to take
the first place on the committee ON nedics
and surgical display aud appoint your OWE
associates and subordinates. Now don
say no, for can't do without you'
Mr.. Hendricks didn't say no lie accent
ed the appointment, and went To WORK
with a will. There has only been one 6av
of the fair, yOu know, but already NJ
ksndIicks has been SO overwo1ked. so car
ried away by his enthusiasm, shat lac viii
be obliged TO resign. 81 can't stand IT,
Let us go up to your room aud I'll tell you
all about it,
Well, we did have a hard time. AUtbs
men who had pOrons piasters and liver pills
and stomach luvlgOratOrs and anti -malaTia 7
bitteIs, electric pads, and galvantic belts
got after him as soon as be made his an
peaTance.
There isn't fair in the country ,s
shouted one, that hasn't given the media
TO Bagg's Bitter Wine of Baiberry-trv
II :! And he forced cordial full down
Mr.. Hendricks throat when he went L.
taste it.
No tonic equal to Tarboy's A-om,ti.,
Infusion of Ginseng" howled ap,,tbe,
lust tone mp your stomach with that.
and down vent a dose of the Infusion Of
Ginseng.
Take a tablespoonful of 'Henbane's
; Elixir OF Life for an antidote to tboss
poisons you've been s"allowinp.'' calleo
another, and down went the Elixir.
} i won't taste any more" said Mr.. Ken
J bricks feebly, when The coufiaV-atinn in his
throat, inciIed by the Elixir, had subsidized
a little Don't say tba. without giving
'Bolas's Double Extract of Rhus' a cIrancs
with the rest, protested an agent. and
the Rhus went down, and arrayinp itself
I ln direct antagonism To all the other ele-
; ments there, Immediately went to work In
Mexicanize Mr.. Hendricks system.
Take double dose of Cofiin's Balm Of
! Hemlock, suggested a kind looking agent.
and you u feel all right" He pried open
MIR. Hendricks jaws, and thirty sec,nds
later Mr.. Hendricks nerves displaved nm
mistakaOle symptoms of Jim jams in the
secondary stage.
, MIR. keDd ricks would have fed. bn,
another agent poured down his resisting
throat wine glass full of 'sScroygs' east
ric Essence of Mountain Ash ;" s,,d H. r..
q 8
him up to his stand and slammed a paIent
: blister oh the back Of his neck. expIaipino
It's virtues IN the meanwhile recountin0
| the hTst premiums 10 had taken, and beo-
glng MIR. Hendricks to keep il on a conple
of hours To see how II worked.
Ihe only thing for weak back. said
, the agent for 'Bleeanolster's Porous Plas-
|, ter aud before Mr., Kendricks oonid nro.
test bis coat was off and the plaster sla,ipp1
on the small OF his back s.Put this ,,,,
ai"nSside Of L, cried the agent of Blad-
; gers Sire ngthening Plaster. ..and y,.u'n
never ieel the FIST one so on Il went
Ihe other ageuts cTuwded around and
they heid MIR. Hendricks, while they l,ayed
his back with plasterS, and frescae0 his
legs with blisters, and swathed his body in
electric bells aud liver pads, and when the
police finally rescued him aud took him
away, just as they were putting him into
The carnage, one Of the agents came chasing
after him, yanked of one Of his boots. and
before he could be clubbed away he cover
ed the unhappy mans foot Sith adhesive
corn plasiers aud buninn pads The wreck
was carried TO the place Rhich bad once
been its home, aud all night long surges,r,s
and physicians stood at Mr.. Hendricks
bedside aud pumped him out aud scraped
, him off
Il am better nov, - he said feebly. as he
hnlSbed his mOurnful recital. s.but I yvaut
To resign. l can't stand this kind II ~, !
any longer. IL they want a man To tssS
on the plasters and bitters, they must hire
| a cast iion man.
AN IMPOSSIBLE STORY.-They are tell
ing now about a man IN Duhuuue xho
buried two duzen bottles Of whiskey in b;s
cellar twenty-three years ago, and forgot
all about them, and when they sxere ac
D cidentaliy dug up last week. The whiskpv
1 vas found to be superb. How psople viii
iie. Ehe man may have buried the wb;skev
= IN his cellar, but if he forg0. about il. II
D was because he was struck by hghtuing or
. hanged the next day Detroit Free P-sss
y A NEW CLERK In drug store was dis
y charged the other day because he ,3idns,
know how To look wise, roll his eyes s,,,l
say seventy FIVE cents without turning reS
: IN the face as he handed out a liftle No.
= der that had