, 1878-07-05
Wit and Hum0r.

WHEN IS prisoner ike al gum When
he is discharged.
WAYTED-A "picture Of happiness"
ior "frame of mind"
No one but coward strikes in the
dark, and then he only strikes light.
IFI were in the sun and you were out
Of it, what would the sun become9 Sin.
A MOTTO for tho man with tender feet
SCornucopia"- copious amount of
corns.
"YEs," said man, MS he bent his ell
bow to raise tho twentieth glass of beer,
ait is overwOrk that kills"
"DYING in poverty says modern
moralist, sis nothing; it is living in pov.
erty that comes hard on fellow"
IT is said that the Vice President goes
right ahead and never smiles. He must
be stern Wheeler. r.-NeU York Herald.
LADY on shopping excursion--"Oh,
dear, that blanket is much too good! |
want it Tor charitable purposes. ."-Punch.
"AND what is arithmetic?' asked n
teacher in one of our city private schools.
"a book with sums in" shouted ten
year-old boy.
"WHAT is wisdom2' asked teacher of
class of small girls. A bright-eyed
little creature arose and answered: I'm
formation of the brain"
"THE biscuit" says newspaper writer
"is the national gastric clog, the huge
sporegerm Of self.propagating and self
perpetuating dyspepsia"
AN India.rubbcr baby has been con
structed that looks and screams SO like
the natural one that it requires IN expert
enced mother to tell the difference.
PRovIDENr MINISTER. 81 wish to
state that have procured an alarm clock
that will wake up the congregation as
soon as tho service is over."-Hdrper' $
BdsGr.
"Go out, young man, she's not here, y
said Tuskogee preacher last Sunday, IN
the midst of his sermon, to youth whom
he saw standing hesitating in the door
way.
THE czar is self.sacrificng. He is even
willing to give Servia some more Turkish
territory, for tho sake of peace. That
beats Artemus Wards patriotism. -
Graphic.
IT is well enough to denounce trdmps
and say they won't accept positions.
Just offer one of them the presidency OF
bank once. That would he square
test.-pusE
BALTIMORE consumes more ten than
any other city in the Union, and they
don't plant it either. Free Press.
Hence the word "Bawl-tea-more. -
PhiEd. Bulletin.
The Paris exposition has been formal
ly opened and the American restaurants
have promptly advanced the price Of
kiln, dried sandwiches TO twenty-nine
cents an ounce.
II SAY, Jim," said one friend TO anoth-
er, on meeting, 81 hear our friend A. has
been in speculation heavily. Has he
made anything9" "Yes," said jim, she
made an assignment"
CANADA's INVITATION:
Here is a rest for those who skip
nome Tor nylnS cashiers lOunuj
Far from the laws avenging grip,
They live in peace and slumber sound
CIRCUssEs are little backward this
season. Only five of them are the "big-
gest show on earth" Each Of the other
six is simply tho "most complete aggre-
cation on the road. ."-N0rriSto,on Herald,
GooD-NATuRED Doctor: "Stay, those
eyes can be cured. | will undertake the
operation and restore the sight" Beggar
"And deprive me Of my livelihood9 A
pretty idea! Do you want to ruin me2"-
Funny F0lkS.
The time has come when the coroner
will be called to hold inquests in the edi-
tors sanctum, and for the juries to begin
to sign verdicts reading, "Ded from Of
fering IN editor poetry on spring. Justi.
fable homicide
RIDGET--"Wot's the most genteel
thing for lady as is lady, to carry in the
street, Nora2" Cook-"Sure, thin, some
prefers three. volume book; but pre-
fers a roll Of music mcself-quitc care
less and aisy like"
"a VACUUM would be the best place for
afellow to fall into, wouldn'tit, Bill? for
then, you know, he wouldn't fall against
anything" "Yes, he would, though"
stoutly answered Bill; "he would fall
against his inclination"
WHAT if book agents should begin to
carry monographs about with them. The
thought is dreadful and keeps us awake
nights. On, Edison, we implore thee,
call in the phonograph and issue no
more.-Neao York Mail.
EDIsoN's phonograph can whistle,
sing, howl aud jaw, but it can't throw a
stone at yowliug cat on the back fence,
orkick chrome agent off the front stoop.
There is still lots of room for improve
ment.-NorriSt0ton Herald.
KpBALL, the church-dcbt raiser, was
persuaded to attack the debt Of New
York daily newspaper few days ago,
and he Vnq thrown apypn IN piuht He