Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-05-30
THE PH0NOGRAPH,
Mrs BarstfnSlOw's Terrible Ekbcfi.
ence With EtlisOn's Latest
Invention.
Burlington Hawke ,e:

gong uoWH 10 hcCkuk IOf lew days, ant
+ Mr.. Barstinglow was inconsolable. A
one time he protested that she should no
60; he could not entltre the lonesom
house during her absence. And thts
again he declared that if she iHiist 60. NJ
would neglect his office, a1d let his bust
ness 60 to the bow vows, and he woult
90 Wltli herr At length, however, she per
snaded him to be reasonable, and on he
repeated assurance that she would not re
> main away longer than three days, he con
sented to let her 90. He even bought he1
T Il ticket. and ordered carriage and pait
for it. two days ahead. lest his resolution
should give way, and he should forbid hel
going from him. And from that time un
til her departure. Mr.. Barstinglow spoke
in subdued tones, and moved about with
the air of a man whose heart was buried
under mountains of grief.
Before she LETT the house, Mrs, Rarsting-
low set the phoncgtaph Iii The sitting
room, behind tiit clock. Then she kissed
hef di:cdnsolate husband. and begged him
to preserve his precious life for her sake
While she was gone.
Every day, during her tlree-day visit in
the Gate City, she received letter from
her mourning husband, begging her to
come back. and telling her how lonesome
he was without her, and how like grave
the empty house seemed. and how the
hours dragged over his aching heart with
leaden feet. And in three days she came
home, and filled the solemn house with
sunlight and laughter again.
The evening after her returt, to Burling-
ton she took down the rHonograph.
Il wonder what was said last in its hear
ing? II must have been soiiiething while
we were discussing my visit. Or it may
have caught some of your poor, longing
meanings while was away"
And then she turned the crank.
Lord, no." croaked the phonograph, in
tones of hearty reinsurance, ''no danger Of
that. she is safe in kcoknk for three Jays;
saw her safely off, myself. this morning.
Light your cigar Willie | light another
lamp and make the room look cheerful
"Why." exclaimed Mrs. Barsting'ow, in
countenance of amazement, ''what on
earth is it saying?''
ION. gone enonseHse some of your Visi-
tors have talked into it some time or
other,' replied her husband. nervously,
':people talk all kinds of stuff in q rhunu-
graph. you know. They say anything for
talk
Mrs. Barstinclow looked only half con-
vinced and gave the crank another turn.
"This is devilish good whisky, Bartsy."
calculated the machine, very earnestly.
'Iou don't get it in Burlington, do you!'
Mrs. Barstinglow gave little shrek.
MY dear" >aid her husband, looking
now quite as worried as he had when he
was begging her not to go to Keokuk,
'.put it away; somebody has had it out in
the stable, and it might say son,ething
perfectly shocking. you know. Put it
away
But Mrs. Barstinglow, upon whom the
spirit of investigation had descended with
great power, ground away. and the phono-
graph, in voice marvelously like her hus-
bands, went remorselessly on.
''Not much; they don't make this kind
now. It's some old Monongahela, copper
distilled, that Mrs. Barstinglew's mother
gave her for medical purposes three years
ago. Fill up. there's plenty ofit, and l
can replace it with any kind OF beverage
when its gone. The old girl won't know
the difference
Mrs. Barstinglow felt herself turning to
stone. but the next turn of the crank
brought out an uproarious,
''Ha, ha, ha! Here's to the o. g."
That fantied her cheeks ir.o a flame.
''For mercy's sake. Malachi Barsting
low,'' she shrieked, "what does this
mean?'
Mr.. Barstinglow now looked as though
he really did wish she had never gone to
keOkuk.
'It's just as | tell you," he said, with an
effort to look uuconcerned that was like a
humorous book. a colossal success, SO far
as its utter failure was concerned, ''some-
body has been talking all sorts of nonsense
into it, just for talks sake. How else
could it get hold OF such dreadful stuff in
our dear little home, lovey?'
Mrs. B"rstinglow didn't say, but she
turned awaJ, and the phonograph asked
carelessly;
"Throw around for the deal?'
She thought she would faint, but she
didn't, and the pitiless machine pfdceeded
to remark, with a variety of voices:
ats my age
"You'n have to straddle that blind if
you come in.''
''Give ME two cards.
''Chip one.''
"I'll see your little one and raise you
couple.''
''Push the bottle this way, Ben.'
Saint you going to stay in, larry"
Cant stay on pair of siXes."
''Call you.''
''Two small pair, kings to head"
''Tens and deuces. Take the pot"
''Barsty, get us something to eat. Old
girl left the cupboard keys, didn't she?'
''Lord, yes; told her l was going to
keep batch. at home, to save expenses,
and keep out OF bad company
"Ha, ha, ha! Ho no! ho!!"
'Oh," yelled Mr.. Barstinglow, unable to
contain himself any longer, while his wife,
more dead than alive, leaned over the pho
ncgraph and grdrird away at the crank, in
a dazed kind of way, "Oh, keep it up!
That's right! Keep her going! Grind it
all out! Dog gone the diabolical piece of
black art ard the vile assassin that invent |
ed it. Keep it up! That's right! Believe
a senseiess diabolical piece of monst-ous
rather than you husband. Keep
her agoing. Keep it upr'
And Mrs. Barstinglow did keep it up:
She kept it up and listened to that phono-
graph swear and shout and howl; she