The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-09-28
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

new honor as the '0ruer oi lhc o'"'"N'
A Californian abroad asserts that Spurgeo'
.foudly paved the Bible while praying
They have in California what they call th'
.Iawyer plague" The patient is bed ircciy' ""
never RECEIVERS.
..Docs treated" is a New York sign. The dog'
ora there eve suppose, when they feel like taxing
a nip.
RutTslo Bill is a realistic actor. In tue balIi
more Grand Opera House he fired pistol loaded
with a real bullet and hit II real boy In the gal
lery.
man walked into the Philadelphia yellow
fever relief office, gave $1,000 to the treasurer
released to tell his name and went away unrecog
nized.
II Won are stung by bee, use hartshorn; il
hitch by snake, get drunk. SO physicians say
Oh, hang bee sting! give us a snake bite'-C"
ci,snati breakfast Table.
After a Greenback meeting in Maine recently
the orator took up collection, and found 1911
in his hat in pieces of paper Inscribed, Tins Is
a quarter" 'This is fifty cents" &c.
II mother at Lafayette, Ind, spanks her baby
in rude, insolcnt or angry manner" she is liza
BILE to prosecution for assault and battery. SO II
town court has decided.
The recent sudden rise in streams OF Ohio and
PENNSYLVANIA broke loose more dams than we
have heard of since Kearney left--Inter ocean.
sThc oldest man present." said Sam Cary in
one of his rantng speeches lately, "cannot re-
collect when labor was as poorly paid as now"
az remember when worked for SO month"
said one of his audience.
Square umbrellas are reported as the latest
thing in Paris. That's nothing We have been
using square umbrellas long time. AT least,
they are never round-when wanted.-Fo"e SEN
tinel.
"Nisi prius Judge" wrote the editor of the Bel
fast CIe.) Age in an obituary notice Of Judge
Dickerson, and the intelligent composition natur-
ally set it up, ''Wise, pous Judge"
The New Haven Palladium quotes the follow
ing couplet from Matthew Prior to show that
'Whoa, Emma" is plagiarism:
o day, the falrcst one that ever rose,
Period and end of anxious Emmas woes
The wife of a minister residing near Pawlct
found him feeding chickens with dough in the
dining room. She "shoOed" the chickens out,
her husband boxed her ears, she complained to
the church and it compelled him to resIgn-put
him out on fowl, as it werc-N. Y. Sun.
A Louisville reporter speaks OF a man who was
"overtaken by the bitter pill of adversely" A
Texas orator utters threats Of "broodng the lion
in his dem
Epitaph on Il tombstone In Pennsylvania:
Here lies the body of Andrew Lear
His mouth did stretch from ear to ear;
Reader trend liDhtly DER his hend
For If he gapcs, by gosh you're dead!
This is poor plagiarism OF Popc's celebrated
epitaph on man noted for hi. big mouth
Stranger, step lightly on this cod,
For II he gapes you're gone by -"
Dr. Baxter, Medical Purveyor of the United
States army, was busy in his Office His chief
clerk said, Here is communication from New
Orleans; what shall do with IT." without
raising his eyes the Doctor said: "Fumgate it
and then bring it to me-" He was surprised to
find, on receiving the communication again. that
it was Il Geographic dispatch.
There must be something snguarly malignant
about Pontiac whisky, for there never WAS such
a town to see snakes. few weeks ago n store
keeper was driven from his premises by sudden
Eruption Of snakes from hundred cracks and
creviccs Of the old wooden building he occupied,
and now the Democrat says, son Sunday another
large den Of snakes was discovered in this city.
j. b. McNichol shot sixteen of them, the largest
measuring sixteen feet and weighing aghty.f@
pounds" What's Geo. Woodford doingy
From Vermont tombstone: an sacred men,
DRY Of the death of Mrs. -, wife of -
-, who died of the dropsy on the morning of
the 18th Of January, 1874 aged 30, of the painful
operation Of % incisions; the water measured II
gallons, 63 quarts, half pint, and weighing 1853
lbs, IL OF.
Once twenty and two
The lance did pierce the side
or her who babe adeu
And with cOmpOsurc died.
Teach me the measure Of my days,
Thou Maker Of my frame"
The New York Sun says: "A poem Is in pre-
paraton intended to commemorate the wander
ings Of Hayes, and entitled "The Odyssey of n
Pious Fraud, g." by the poet laureate of the North
American continent, G. Wash. Childs, 4. NJ, who
in this instance departs from his usual funeral
habit TO adopt more cheerful strain A stanza
or two will give some idea Of this powerful pro-
duction:
From the shores OF the Potomac he departed
And TO see him off nobody came;
There was no cheers, or anything Of that sort,
Because he bore such bad name
First, he went up 10 Chicago to a fair;
Then further west where people iocked 10 see
and hear,
Chiefly because he Was u curiosity,
And there wasn't any other curiosities around
that year
Gone to meet the pumpkins.
The New York Star says Judge Asa B. Dixon
OF Morgan county Illinois, arrived in that city
last week, bringing some $1,000 in drafts, with
which he proposed having time In Europe He
net some friends and poker party was arrang-
cd, and he did not 90 to Europe for want of
money.
Wen bet there is a congregation at Bath, y.
Y, that doesn't get drowsy. Its pastor got the
best of jocky in horse trade last week A
man keen enough to skin professional horse
trade Is wide awake, and will keep all others
around him in the same fix
Tennessee postmaster, who fears that he has