Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-03-14
HunOr.

tIutKiUls
a newspaper Is the ONLY instrument
which can drop the same thought
into thousand minds at the same
moment.
An Indiana editor SAYS: Coal oil
rubbed on the neck and head, will cure
hog cholera, We have tried it,
At printers festival lately the fol-
lowing toast was offered: Woman
Second to the press in the dissemination
of news"
lis the voice of the plumber; you
hear him complain, 90, lis hotter than
summer; I'm going insane ~
Even if 4 boy is always whistling. Il
want to be an angel" it is just as we'll
to keep the preserved pears on the top
shelf Of the pantry.
In reply to the question, VIII the
coming man be bald ?" the Norristown
Herald aftirms that che generally is
when he first comes"
There are five preachers to one edi-
tor in the Kentucky penitentiary."
We hope no one will say that one editor
needs at least five preachers Boston
Post.
\ San Jose lady broke the nose of a
.servant-girl, and had TO pay 5000 for 1t.
Considering that the girl was kissing the
lady's defenseless husband at the time,
it was more than the miserable nose was
worth. -BufaLo Express
Tobacco was named in honor of its
discOverer, 0. c. Cabot, brother of Sc
bastian Cabot. They just spelled his
name backward.
Here is a dialogue between two Be-
hemians: Would, 0, would that [ had
fifty thousand year! [ know what L
would do" "What?' Nothing"
He was kind husband. and offered
to take his wife sleigh-riding, but when
she got in she went through the bottom
of the sleigh. and he lay awake half the
night to hear her opinion about it.
Those men who expect a minister to
give them $500 worth of grace for
$500 salary are the same who demand
local notices in their home paper for
nothing, and who do their advertising
on Novelty press hand-bills.
A little urchin in one of our schools
being asked, "What is Rhode Island
celebrated for?" replied, " 1t is the only
one Of the New England states which is
the smallest"
INvITATIoNs.-4rchie-'' See, old man,
how I'm hunted after; all those are in
vitations." Friend" Good gracious
all invitations? Invitations to what?"
Archie-''To call and settle their az
counts"
A stranger arrived in St. Louis, took
a look at the city and shot himself In
his pocket were found thirty-five cents
and a stub Of lead pencil. which caused
the coroner's jury to return a verdict:
Chicago editOr-couldn't stand pros
perity. st. Louis paper.
The discovery has been made that
the world does not revolve with the
same momentum it did thousand
years ago, but it still swings around fast
enough to satisfy the man with a heavy
note coming due.
An impatient boy, while waiting for
the grist at the mill, said to the miller,
" | could eat the meal as fast as your
mill grinds it," How long could you
do so % asked the miller. It'll [ was
starved to death, retorted the boy.
The principal of southern female
academy calls on the young men of the
town to let his teachers alone! He says
every time one of them gets fairly to
work some fellow comes along and mar
ries her.
Settling" Do you know" remark
ed a rather fast Newark youth, the
other day, to a suffering friend to
whom he was slightly indebted, edo
you know that | intend to marry and
settle down." 81 do-don't know any
thing about it," was the reply, "bu-but
[ think you had b-b-better stay single
and set-settle up