The Centre reporter. [volume] (Centre Hall, Pa.) 1871-1940, 1878-01-17
SMALL EXPECTATIONS.

II is generally supposed by our family
and those who know us well, that my
Uncle Buncle would "leaye me some.
thing at his demise. In fact, | thought
so myself. Our reasons for this belief
being these:
First When l was little girl, though
he took no notice whatever Of Other
little girls, he always patted me on the
head when we met, ami said " Ha, ha
here you are, Hetty.
Secondly. When l was big girl, ant
went 70 school, he always chucked me
under the chm on holiday occasions,
and inquired: "Well, what are they
teaching YOU, Hettyg"
Thirdly. When l had grown TO be Z
woman, he established the following
form of greeting as s permanent thing
HIM how do YOU do T.
Fourthly. He never took notice Of any
one else in so many worSis, but merely
nodded to all other mortals.
Filthy. When was married, he pre-
sented me with an anteSiiluyian tortoise
shell comb, once the property of the latS
Mrs. Buncle, and OF a prepOsterous fash
ion, said 10 have been IN vogue at q
remote date, the back half foot high
and elaborately carved. As he disap'
proved OF weddings generally, and never
before had been known TO give the bride
anything but a scolding, this was really
something TO build upon-though, by
the way, l offended HIM sorely by re-
fusing 10 wear the horrible thing 70 the
altar upon nv wedding day.
Now of course l did not wish Uncle
Buncle to die, nor could have done SC
had been certain that, on his decease
should have become & millionaire I; still
We know that all hesh is mortal, and
Uncle Buncle WIS like the rest OF the
world in this respect and when he dId
depart, it would be q comfort 10 be the
means of presenting Charlie with si1
thousand pounds.
When we moved to our charming little
cottage at Barley Hill, decided that
when Uncle Buncle visited us, would
make him 50 comfortable that the matter
would be quite settled And, in fact,
the spare room was furnished with AZ
eye to his peculiar tastes, and q large
amount Of pepper was laid in with which
to season his favorite dishes. However,
Uncle Buncle declined our invitations
persistently and, having kept our spare
room empty for him q long while, We Al
last informed the rest of our friends who
had promised TO visit. Ms that we were
anxious for their company.
We certainly we're. Nothing could
have pleased us better than that they
should have arrived in q body on one
day. But, alas Barley Hill Cottage
had few disadvantages among them
the fact that there were but four rooms
and q bath room-with which, by the
way, we had had such an indescnbablt
amount Of trouble, on account Of our
faulty plumbing, that we wished that
mo,lern convenience was not in our pos.
session.
Consequently, when one day we had
the pleasure Of greeting the Misses
Jones, the Misses Brown and their
mamma, Cousin Clarissa and Mrs.
Twit's Miranda Jane, aged nine, we
were puzzled. However, necessity il
the mother Of invention. We apollo.
gized TO the Misses Brown and their
mamma for putting them all three to-
gether into the spare room. We re
signed ours without a murmur 10 the
Misses Jones. We begged Cousin
Clarissa 10 excuse us for giving her the
sofa bedstead in the parlor. and made q
couch with three chairs and bolster for
Miranda Jane IN a cornor cupboard.
Then Charlie improvised bed over the
bath and after draping the machinery
with curtains, and making up valance
for the side of the bath, really felt
quite proud OF our handiwork. And we
had fairly began to enjoy ourselves
among our friends, when late one warm
afternoon some one raped at the door.
and was greeted with, Him and
how do you do ?"
It was Uncle Buncle, and he had come
to stay
Delighted, gasped.
"Charmed 10 sec you, sir" said
Charlie.
Then we exchanged glances, and each
mutely asked the other, Where shall
we put him p
Echo answered, Where ?"
$50 glad you've come" l said again.
Uncle Buncle answered, Thanks. =
He had seized upon this one fashion
able variation with advidity, because il
seemed to do away with the personal
poiteness involved In the words, "Thank
you"
" Thanks. Like to go to nv room at
once-wash my hands"
His room-he must be taken some
where not to the spare bedroom, for
there Mrs. Jones and daughter were
dressing for dinner; nor TO ours, for
there the Misses Brown we're crimping
their tresses. SO perforce / led him TO
the bathroom, and there left him to
sacrifice to the graces.
Remarkable bedstead that Of yours, >
he said, when be returned to us. Some
new patent, suppose. Very rieketty,
generally, those new patents. Old
fashioned things much the best--much.
However, curtains all very well-likt
old times. All, everything dreadfully
changed-dreadfu,ly 1"
To which we, the guilty parties, ans
wered only by bushes.
That night Uncle Buncle slept upor
our couch, and we sat up in the kitchen
We bore it very well for a while; bu
finally, maddened with want Of sleep
Charlie, supporting his aching head
inquired of me in a plaintive whine
" Why didn't you kick the old brute
out, Hetty?"
"Don't, dear" 1 pleaded. 81 know
it's very uncomfortable; but still
though he is rough and unpleasant, thinI
of the six thousand pounds 70
Nonsense !" said Charlie. "He'l
outlive us look at his constitution.
crusty old curmudgeon, without civil
word for any one.
"My DEAR" / demonstrated, "don'i
speak so loud. OF course we are suffer.
ing on these hard chairs, but think Of
the beds of down six thousand pounds
will buyl Don't be angry. / think
I shall wear the comb while uncle stays.
1.-The what ?" asked Charlie.
uWha oornh he oave ma n-I said