The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1878-08-22

II some mems bodies were not strAighler than
their minds, they would be crooked enough 70
ride upon their own backs,
~ wish" said a wild young gentleman, that
my birthday were month long" Keep sober,
said friend, "and II will seem so TO you"
correspondent wants to know whether, con-
sdering the great utility Of the ocean, poets are
not wrong TO call 1t "a waste Of water%
There is said to be man in New York who Is
habitually 80 sleepy that his curiosity cannot ba
awakened. Such Is not the case with his wife.
An editor In Cincinnati putting sir.tlghtcofBna
said "No person having once tried one Of these
collins will ever use any other"
sunday'school teacher-"Who was the strongest
man| Boy-"Jonah because the whale could
not hold him after he got him down."
"Hullo, snifkins, how is 1t you're not danClngt''
Snifkins-"H Haven't the heart To-, you know my
girls ILL.," Jaw cutting her teeth presume"--
London Fun.
A little girl, after coming over James, / g. fora
while, at last trIumphantly rected 1t as follows:
"A double.and-twisted man is under the stable
all his days"
81 suppose" said little hveyear old in her
quiet thoughtful way-"I suppose there are men
under the ground that push up the flowers, don't
you, mammal"
John" said COckney solicitor to his son, II
see you'll never do for an attorney, you have no
henergy." "skuse me, father" said John, what
I want is some of your chickanary,"
Two little girls were comparing progress In cat
echsm study. ~ have got to original sin" said
one. How far have you got?" "oh, I'm beyond
| redemption" said the other.
An Irishman was told by teacher that his
charge for tuition was two guineas the first month
and one guinea the second. Then, be jabers,"
said Pat, "I'll begin the second month now"
Up to the hour of his death, Col stone of tn e
Commercial advertiser, pointed with pride to tn Q
fact that he was the only man whom Villa M
Cullen Bryant ever cowhided,-OA city Derrick.
When Beau Nash was sick, the doctor asked
him If he had followed his prescription. mo,
doctor" said Nash, 'if ! had should have broken
my neck, for threw 1t out the second story win
dow"
Edison is accused Of being the father Of inven.
tion. We have no desire to open up a fresh scan
dal but If Edison is the father of invention 1t ia
the duty Of necessity to show her marriage certif
cate, If she has one.
Speaking of the different kind of taxes" quer
led the teacher, what kind is 1t where whisky Is
taxed? p 81 know" said one boy, holding up his
hand. "Well, what is it," "5in-taX," shouted
the young grammaran,
He was a school.boy of eleven, and had mind
full Of interrogation points. When he asked his
teacher "Who was 0cles, and what was he cursed
for?' his instructor nearly split his head think
ing before 1t occurred to him that his pupil re-
ferred to Damoces.
Married, in Chicago, Mr.. William BlaH to Miss
Frances Lamm:
A little Lamm has got her Blatt,
Nor more Lamm is she,
Bnt she VIII Batt in spite of that
Her nature It's, you see;
And if she'd lost her lovely Blatt,
Lamm she still would be.
-ChicagO Commercial AdgertGSer.
A st. Louis widow has had three husband
She has on hand law suit to break the will of
the first another to recover the insurance money
on the life Of the second; and third to obta
alimony from the last.
"You look thin" Should think anybody would
ifthey had passed through what have" Whats
that?" said tramp No, l. No. replied that he
had been arrested, tried and convicted, "Of what
crime2' inquired No. l. Starvation and was
sentenced to sit in a diningrOO for four days
with a muzzle on"