The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1878-06-19

rnere viii De SOMETHING sWtiel Lfiehc CiouuS o"Ati
A boi,n,eo,is yielding from the fruitful past;
Sweet peace and rest upon the pathway ne, ia
1s's .,ss ..s,55 FJames Berry Be1see.
:: During the last meeting Of the Lime-kiln
Club. Brother Gardner rose and said {:
stGem'len, i hole heall a communicasbun
from ptsson down in Richmond, Viz
ginny, who sails aroun' under de cognomen
OF de Rev. Jasper. In peroosin' ober de
noosepapers I hez seed him Inferred to cZ
tryin' to climb out'n bis clothes by claimin'
dat de sun moves aroun' de y'arth instead
Of de contrary way. Dis pusson now writes
to ME to ak Ii de Lime-Kiln Club won't
line in wild him an gin his theory our sup.
port. Gem'len, some Of us may be weak In
dc back doorin' de strawberry an ice-cream
sezun, but don't believe dat usin' de
whitewash-brush hez worked our brains
down atwixt de shoulders. 'Spose we am
gwine to buck agin ali the geograhes, direc-
teries, novels, spellin' books, an slch, to
'commodate one poor ole darby wild stiff
knee am lame back Shoe! Let dis let
ter be used to light de fab next winter ~
Detroit Free Press.
To some pungent remarks OF profcs-
siona brother, a western lawyer began his
reply as follows: :" May it please the Court {:
Resting on the couch of republican equality
rs do, covered with the blanket OF consti-
tutional panoply as am, aud protected by
the agis OF American liberty as feel my
self to be, despise the buzzing OF the pro-
fessional insect who has Just sat down, and
defy his futile attempts to penetrate with
bis puny sting the interstices OF my imper
vious covering"
In provincial theatre, where Macbeth
was recently played by clever man, who
was also great favorite with the audience,
in the banquet scene he had delivered his
words to the ghost Of Banquo, "Hence |!
hence hence =" when he dropped on his
knee, covering his face with bis robe, and
shuddering convulsiveIy. just as the APP
plause was over, youth in the gallery,
carried away with the intensity Of the act
ing, cried out, "It's all right now, Smith;
he's gone"
A clergyman, having been indicted into
living in Kent, took occasion during his
first sermon to introduce the word sop
tics" At the conclusion OF the service a
farmer who was present thanked him Tor
his discourse, but intimated that be had
made mistake in one word, softening down
the severity Of his criticism by saying,
eve all know very WE'LL sir, what you
meant" On the clergyman making fur
Their inquiries about the word, the farmer
replied: "What you call hopsticks, in this
part OF the country we call hoppoles."
The suggestion made the other day con-
corning the notices in the University
grounds leads q correspondent to write that
not long since distinguished literary man
was crossing the Common, when q police
man, observing him treading upon the
grass, growled, "Don't you see that sign,
Keep off the Grass'?" "Certainly l do"
was the reply. ~ am doing all can to
Eeep 1t of."-BoSton Transcript.
Did you ever notice what q different
aspect everything wears in the sunshine
from what it does in the shadow ?-E1-
chdnqc. Indeed we have. Particularly in
the case OF pair of black pants, somewhat
aged, which will look as clean as whistle
indoors, but out in the sunshine spots will
show up as frigbtfuliy conspicuous as a
piece OF custard in moustache. -Ddn6ury
Ne,oS.
Philosophers say that closing the eyes
makes the hearing more acute. Clergymen,
however, should speak louder. 1t looks
rather suspicious to see half the congreSa-
tion-sitting with closed eyes, in order that
they may the msre distinctly hear the SER
mon-especialy as many OF them fail to
open their eyes when the contribution
basket is showed under their nose.-NoT-
risto1on Herald
"Suppose," said an Iowa lawyer to wit
ness he was trying to badger recently,
:. suppose i should tell YOU that I could
bring a dozen men Of your town, to this
courtroom who would say they would not
believe you on oath, what would you say?"
And calmly the witness made reply: 81
would say you lied" A gentle smile Diff
fused itself all over the courtroom, and the
unruff1ed witness stepped down.
The Rev. o. B. rockingham thinks there
are no classes and no caste distinction in this
country. Just let him put on last years
winter suit and straw hat, and ask the hotel
clerk to let him have room on the parlor
floor, that's all. He will learn something
Cured to hlm Burlington Haaok-
eye.
A Connecticut lover, young and enthusias-
tic, who sang and played for nearly two
hours before the house Of his lady-love
the other evening. was electrifed-that is,
shocked--after a short pause, by cordial
g Thank you" gracefully pronounced by
the "other fellow" who appeared at Che
tdrawing-room window. -
She Overwhelmingly: "Oh, I'm so glad
you're going to see ME to my carriage, Mr..
Brown! !" he (fattereO: "Indeed; and
may ask why 2" She; ooh, because the
girls are so jealous, and Iwant to prove that
I do not monopoiize all the good-looking
men," Brown satisfied; but MOI so happy
as he expected to be.
Pause, vain and impatient youth. Squan-
der not thine earnings for magic eliXirs
wherewith to hurry up thy tardy moustache.
Esau might have saved his birthright and
avoided world OF trouble had his face been
as smooth as thine Cincinnati BREAKFAST
Table.