Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1878-07-14
Josh Billings to the Girls.
Dear girls, are you in search of a h

Dear girls, are you in search of hus-
band?
That is a pumper, and you are not re-
quested to say "yes' out loud, but are exs
pekted tew throw yure eyes down onto
the earth as though you wuz looking for
a pin, and reply tew the interrogatory
with kind of draulin sigh.
Not tew press so tender a theme until
it becomes thorn in the flesh, we will
presume, tew avoid argument, that you
are on the lookout for sumthing IN the
mail line. Let me give you sum small
chunks ov advice how tew spot yure flu
ture husband:
1. The man who is jelllus ov every |
little attenshun which yu get from some
other Teller, you will find after yu are
married tew him he will luv himselflnore
than he duz yu, and what yu mistook for
Substitute yu will discover haz changed
to Indifference.
Jellusy isn't heart diseze; 1t is a liver
complaint.
2. A mustache is not indispinsible; it is
only little more hair, and much like
moss and other excresences-often duz
the best on sile that won't raise anything
else. Don't forget that those things
which WI admire in a fellow before mar
riagc yu will probably dislike in hus-
band after, all mustache will get to be
very weak diet after a long time.
3. If husbands could be took on trial
as Irish cooks are, o-thirds of them
: would probably be returned; but there
don't seem to be emmy law for this. There
fore, girls, WI will see that after yu git a
r man you have got to keep him, even If
g WI luze on him. consequently, if yu
+ have got emmy kold vitles in the house,
8 try him on them once and while during
: securing season, and if he swalers them
8 and sez he will take some more, he is a
n man who, when blue Monday kums, will
wash well.
II 4. Don't marry pheller who is alwus
s. tellin how hiz mother duz things. 1t IL
p tew hard to wean yung one.
c. 5. 1t a young man can beat you play
N ing on the pianner, and can't hear a fist
he horn playing on the street without turn
er ing summerset Oh account ct the muslcl
v that is in him, I say to leave him; b.
might answer to tend babe, but it you Sc
a him hoeing out in the garden. you will
< find that you have got to do it yourself
3o A man whose whole life lies in music]
he land not too hefty at that amt no bette
lv than seedlitz powder; but if he luvs t
q, listen while you sing sum gentle ballat
T WI will find him mellow and not sof
ne But don't marry ennybody just for on
les virtew emmy quicker than yu would flo
ry. a man for just enc fault.
mo- 6. 1t is one ov the most tuffest thins
for female to be an cid maid successful
IA ly. A great many has tried it, and made
~ bad lob ov it, and had hard tim
' If Everybody seems to look upon old mai,
- as inst they do upon dried herbs in Il
~. ~ garret-handy for sickness and, therfol
:, ! gi-ls, it amt mistake that yu shud
willing to swop yourself oph with son
q true-hearted phellow for husban
,Is The swop may be good one: but dol
nor swop for any man who is respektab
'vs, just because hiz father il. You had bs
To to ter be an old maid for four thousal
years and then join the Shakers than tt
buy repentance at this price. No WON
vas ever made this trade who didn't get
I'M phool, mean kuss or clown for hi
san band.
an 7. In digging down into this subject
ION find the digging goes harder the furtt
Die. l get. It is much easier tew inform
ooA who not teW take, for the recon tnere
Gus more ov them.
me me don't think you will follow my 9
!' vice, if give it; and therefore, I "
IN. in keep it, for look upon castor ola me
'pls dose to give and mean dose to tai
oou If you can find bright-eyed, well-b
lasted boy, who looks upon poverty
apse sassy az child looks upon wealth--w
COWS had rather sit down on the curbstone
less. the 5th avenue hotel and eat ham sal
;ow! witch rather than 90 inside and run
} of debt for his dinner and toothpick, q
J, to who is man with that sort of pluck t
nbs, mistakes defeat for victory, my s
able, vice is to take him body and soul, sn
y in him at onst, for he is a stray trout
hare breed very skarse in our waters.
iren, Take him, say, and bid onto hin:
we hornets bid on tree.