The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-12-12
STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.

STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.
The Moonshiners' motto keep still.'
The beauaiful sdnow has cumb. So has tn
bad cold.
The fellow who stole the Stewart remains vii
probably lecture, next season.
The lesson of the Vanderbilts: Where there
a will there's away with the property in at
torneys' fees.
Indiana is a mighty hard place for Life In
surance Companies. There's too little 1nsur-
ance, and two many revolvers.
Tilden now grieves that he was not born g
farmer, so that he could have fattened flock
of goats upon that barrel of kilograms.
Gen. Grant was rendered the crown of Bull
garia, and Oh, how the Democrats of the United
States did wish he would accept!
John G. Thompson is willing to allow re-
sumption to proceed. Now if Ewing would
only give in, the thing might be accomplished
without difficulty. sl
"What dye mean by strikin' back ct me?''
saws John Bull to the Afghan. "Oh I'm sorry
for it, good Mr.. Bull, its only Ameer misunder-
standing"
When doubtful nomination is sent in to
the Senate, the politicians all ask "What will
Conkling do?" Echo answers, "He will do the
right thing at the right time"
A Southern rebel has sued Phil. Sheridan for
damages We thought that little Phil. had
paid the traitors about all that he owed them,
during the late misunderstanding"
The New York Tribune has been Pelton old
Sammy Tilden so numerically with its bum
dies of kilograms, that the old man wants TO go
before the Potter Committee and explain.
Senator Ben Hill, of Georgia, has been telling
the politicians in Washington that there were
no outrages at the recent elections (?) In South
Carolina. You've Ben. lying, Mr.. Hill!
Sammy Cox was inclined to be funny in Con-
gress, when the cipher kilograms were men,
toned. Sammy Tilden couldn't feel 1unny
about them, to save his life.
John O'Connor while laboring for reform In
the public institutions by the appointment OF
Democrats to govern them, was only LOOKING
out for his own interest.
Alex n. Stephens fell recently, and wrench
ed his knee badly. 1t was feared that serious
consequences would result from the fali, on
account of the great weight of Mr.. stephens
That eminent jurist, Senator David Davis, Is
a valuable man in the Senate. The senator
gives great weight to any committee upon
which he is placed.
What cruel fate 1t is that compels a GIRL af-
. ter going through the romantic stories of six
dozen dime novels, to marry one-legged soap
pedd1er who wears a wig!
Bismarck is sick again. They say it is from
overwork of the brain. A German doctor Is
credited with saying that the great man Is fall
ing, bodily that he now eats only three hard
boiled eggs at meal, and he used to eat eleven.
The title of O'Connor' g lecture is "From the
Penitentiary to the Legislature" Now let. us
have another, from different source, entitled
"From Democratic Congress to Lunatic
Asylum
Democratic leaders are in constant danger Of
physical disabilities. Say1or, of Cincinnati
had thumb, at a time when he should
have been lifting up his voice for Reform, and
Wade Hampton was kicked by mule, just
previous to the recent election.
"Three missionaries eaten by cannibals !"
This news goes to show that the labors of the
missionary societies are not in vain. When
King Hoky-Pokee wants another mess OF
missionary, let him send in his orders. They're
fat now, and the supply is good
The path to fame is often difficult and dam
gerous one. Generals Beauregard and Jubal
Early went through bloody war of four years
duration, ere they were rewarded by having
their names paraded before the world as man.
ayers of the Louisiana State Lottery.
Algernon, (who boards at first-class hotel@
"Dear Chawles come down and ave a dish o +
oysters with me. You avent been to supper
yet 20
Charles, (who stops at boarding house y "No,
no; thank you, I've bean to soup!"
The Marquis of Lorne and his wife were re-
ceived in Canada in grand style. There were
tlluminattons, torch-light professions, and a
happy time generally, wherever they stopped.
No late demonstration has equalled it in mag
nitude except the reception of President
Hayes, on his last visit to Columbus.
How often is human pride subjected to severe
shocks! A Cincinnati man, who f1atters him
self that he is just the image of Col. 1ngersoll,
stepped Off train over in Indiana, the other
day, when the hackmen all rushed toward
him, shouting: "Right this way, Mr.. Kearney,
twenty-five cents to any part of the city !'
A man in Cleveland has invented perpetual
motion machine, the British have been victo-
rious in Afghanistan, Jim Keene has bought
all the wheat in Chicago, there have been great
snow storms in different parts of this country,
Bob IngersolI is still talking, Bob McKimmie
has been captured, and the President has de-
cided to make change in his Southern
Policy.
ment. Now, when the cold evening comes on,
the farmer takes his place by the cheerful fire,
and meditates His fatted hogs are ready for
the knife his grain is gathered in; his stock is
well cared for, and everything seems to indi-
cate prosperity; there's nothing, apparently, to
disturb his mind yet presently he breaks
forth with: "Dod essentially blast the dod-
drafted luck to tarnation, if had only worked
my on the other plan, might have had
at least five bushel more to the acre!' We're
all contented in about the same way.
"Jim," said Spriggins, "did you take that
quarter out of my pocket? I've lost one, some
way.'
"sDon't know nuthin bout it'll"
"But you must have taken it, Jim. No one
else had an opportunity"
"Dont know nuthin bout it, and eff the ques-
TONS carried any furder, the sponsibility fur
debate will rest with the opposition"
every well, sir, then I'll call the previous
question, and cut off debate" said Spriggins,
reaching for small rawhide. The result was a
preponderance of "noes," and sounds as Of i'm
mense applause and cat-calls from the gallery
When Bob McKimmie was brought in
to the Court House on Monday quite a
crowd collected to take look at the
desperate. 1t was quite amusing to hear
persons guessing at which was the pris
oner. One stranger cast his eye quickly
| over the crowd within the bar, and asked
>"Isn't t,that him there, with the iron
gray whiskers ?"