The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1878-03-17
Religious Progress. In New Jersey.

from Tue INllhltll pun bNlltNlH'l
when New Jersey produces n person
who isat all remarkable the person. 80
produced is always very remarkable
Mrs Mount, Of Hamilton square, is
New Jerseys latest extraordinary pro"
duct. She does not Ike her minister
A woman either adores minister or
hates him ANONYMOUSLY Mrs Mount
hated hers, and she was not satisfied to
leave her pew vacant and 20 elsewhere
in search Of gospel truth and Dorcas
societies She resulutely entered her
pew, and she sat there Sunday after
Sunday making faces at the pastor
and couUoyertlng his doctinal assar
tions very much as q sinful democratic
congressman does when republican
brother is upon the floor going for him
A clergyman by exercise OF much pas
ueuce may endure to be answered on
the spot while he is unfolding his views
from the pulpit; but Polycorp himself
or 81 Augustine, could not successfully
plead with errng men while n woman
sat in the front pew distoiting her
countenance in irightful manner Tor
the purpose of expressing her contempt
for the preacher. The deacons, ac'
cordngly, rallied at the front door one
Sunday with the intent to deter Mrs
Mount from entering the sanctuary
Whether she iloored three or four dea-
cons and marched triumphant over
their bodies or stole in through the
back window, is not revealed. But
when the pastor entered the pulpit to
speak OF peace on earth, there sat Mrs.
Mount with her face twtching cons
yulsively, her nose going up and down,
and her eyes crossing themselves and
coming straight again in most alarms
ing manner. After service the deacons
held a council OF war 1t was proposed
10 throw up line of earthworks i'll the
graveyard, and to deploy the sexton
and the elders as skirmishers down the
turnpike so that when the enemy adj
vaneed volley of hymn books should
assail her and keep her Oft The idea
was to make the entertainments bombs
proof by padding them with the pewN
cushions, and to give the preacher COM
mond, with permission to use two Sec
tons of the church stovepipeas aspeall@
ngtrumpet.
This, however, was voted down, and
the elders resolved to call upon the
sheriff of the county for protection.
The first impulse of that officer was to
resign, but he thought Of his fees and
plucked up courage. Summoning to
his aid forty of the bravest citizens oi
the county, men who had served in all
the wars since 1872, he armed them to
the teeth, and drew them up in serred
ranks in front of the church door
About halfopast ten o'clock, word
was passed along the line that Mrs
Mount was coming. The faces OF men
who had stood calm and steadfast at
Cerro Gordo and Chapultepec blanched
with fear and the line shook, as il the
most violent form of New Jersey ague
had attacked it, Mrs MountapproNch-
ed. She had studied lup eleven new
and exasperating witches with whic9
to make her countenance hideous, and
she had a copy of Bob lngersolfs last
lecture and of Canon Farrars sermon
on everlasting punishment from which
she proposed to quote freely Tor the
purposeolexh the scriptural weak.
ness and the intellectual imbecillty oil
the pastor. As she came near to the
line Of battle the warriors drew their
feyolyers, felt each other with their
elbows to gain courage and commanded
her to halt She saw the might OF the
enemy she stopped she wavered she
made thirty six of her worst faces at
the posse, and then she turned about
and beat retreat Probably she had
oFsotten to bring her Paixhan guns
with her However, she Withdrew, and
attbis moment she is probably arrang>
ing her plans for getting into that
Church next Sunday even if the entire
Population of New Jersey shall bar the
way. There are dark suspicious that
shewill smuegle herself in on Monday
and stay there during the week 50 as to
1e on hand when the preacher arrives
on Sunday. The ultimate result will
Probably be that the church will have
To 60 into liquidation and start in some
other region. No religious enterprise
can cope successfully with awoman who
Is more terrible than an army with BAN
ners.