The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-06-13
WtT AND HuM0R+

A grocer both sells his goods and
gives them weigh.
Why is Rhine wine like April bios
SONS! Because it comes from the
German-nation .s-s--.-s.s....
A resident of Waterbury, Conn.,.
bought neighbor's dog because it
howled. and killed him. The neigh
Dor dug up the body, got one dollar
bounty for it, and then bought anoth-
or dog. Then the first man howled.
Somebody estimated that every man
who lives to be sixty years old has
spent seven months buttoning his
shirt collar. Thirty years more
ought to be added for hunting up the
collar button.
The Scottish American got off
joke, on the American plan last week.
and the Office files have since been
crowded to the dormer windows with
letters from amazed subscribers.
asking what itmeant.
A man may elude disagreeable
creditor for long while sometimes,
but there is one thing in this uncertain
vale OF tears that he can't dodge.
When a sneeze has business with a
fellow it always finds him at home.
Several years ago a young man in
New Orleans put a sum of money in
savings bank, and forgot all about
it until recently, when, after reckon.
ing up the interest, it was found that
the bank had failed.
A man who was noted for his eoon.
omy OF the truth was once asked if
ne had dined. He replied, II have,
upon my honor" The questioner
said, "If you have dined upon your
henor. you must have had a scanty
meal"
Scene at Theater Matinee.
tleman( ITO lady,. fear there will be
rush, and we shan't get in.' Lady
Mot get in ! what do you mean?
There are very few matinees where /
ever failed to get in, with perseverance,
and--this big shawlpin!''
"Have you damp sheets in your
house !" asked guest Of a manager
OF fashionable hotel. as he registered
his name. mo" replied the manager
"but Ill have pair dampened for
you If you WISH" The stranger re-
tired. ~
Secretary McCrary is now represen.
ted as holding on to the tail Of the
administration in the hope Of keeuino
it in order. We have seen herds.
man manage wild steer in that way,
"he!m hard up on the starboard side.
Me-
When q young man in Patagonia
wants wife he rides out and lass0ae
one, and in the more civilized United
States Of America when young man
wants wife, but does not come to
time, the las-s0es him for q breach az
promise
Mater-''So you enjoyed your walk.
Kate; Did yon go all that distance
alone!" Daughter-'.Oh yes, mamma
quite Alone Beastly BROTHER
"Then how is it, Kit, you took an
umbrella and brought home watkins
stick"
When paper starts out with the
express purpose Of filing "a long felt
want" it fills it from one to fonr
months. besides filling the editor with
disgust and bis pocket-book with
patent-medicine orders and then the
end.
The Grand Duchess of Baden. only
daughter Of the Emperor Of Germany.
Is rearing her child, girl, as though
she was expected to earn her own
living in after life. The chIld's com.
panions are instructed not to recognize
her rank in any way.
New chatelaine fans have bird
handles, = small red tanager or an
oriole being mounted on the hollov
stem, in which is concealed painfed
red fan, while to tho other end .
chatelaine hook is fastened to attach
the fan to belt.
Among many elegant dresses. the
most striking are those Of silk and
soft Indian cashmere. The edges are
fashionably finished with blocks. tur-
rets and scallups, or, il completed
with fringe, the beading is a shell
and leaf trimming, knife or box
plating. puifings, loose rolls or shir-
rings.
a cunning juryman addressed the
clerk or the court when administering
tne oath, saying. ''Speak up; / ca.
mot hesr Whist you say. = .s6top: ara
you deaf !" asked the judge. Eyes.
Of one ear." ssThen you nav leave
tne Dox. ior i II necessary that Jury
.