The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-02-12
A CORNER.
u This where Ill the Racket u

"A GUNNER.
Il This where al the Racket i
But b euro and Don't Tell you
Witt.
Nine freaks.
Once more We are permitted 70 re-aesem
be around this picture gallery, and swaI
lies this beautiful Sabbath morning.
Fellov-travelers, We feel like the oil
Niger preacher, "ef I had been etin drie'
apples for week, and den took to drinkin
for mont, couldn't feel mo- swcIled 81
dan I am dis mint with pride and vanity
ct seein' snch fail attendance beah."
Six moro days have heen sailed down IL
the brine, and the day for clean shirt and
reflection has again turned up. but o. i
generally the case when . man wants ..
reflect. your wife wakes you up At fouI
O'Clock in the morning and suegests YOU
shovel the snow OF the sidewalk before tn,
neighbom are up.
People said We wouldn't have any snow
and Beecher said there vas No hell, bat ",
tell You, stranger. there's Just dead loads
Of snow and he'll, too, il the near future.
But the snow isfar more preferable to the
oIeom.rgarine mud. through which We
slid and clipped and suddenly sat down
until chairs have ceased 10 be attractive,
and are obliged to take our rest face
dovnvards. Oh, It was awful! the 'igolng'
wss, but its gone nov.
He tumbled fair and square, he did.
Upon the pavement alippery.
And bruised his bones and badly soiled
His gay and gorgeous foppery.
And she, sweet lass, vent down with him,
In all her stylish frippey;
Such tragic incidents take place
When sidevslks are 20 slippery.
We notice that the 'Great Controversy"
i occupying great deal of space in the
newspaper, and the fight over hell BE-
tween the various sects Is red.aot. Pitch
right in, gentlemen, the subject 10 IN in
teresting one and inexhauatible. Mean
while, the bystanders will sit on the fence
and watch the result. If there is
no hell. it will b . very consoling
idea to the cuss Who Is partial to ice cream
and cool drinks, but 1t will be . great dis
appointment to those Who know they will
Be without country. All We have got to
say is, If there il no he'll, nine-tenths of this
generation will Be aliens in . foreign land,
and il the average American ever strikes .
place where he cant make speech or hold
ofice, that place Is hell, sure's you're born {!
But we'd Just about 10 soon Be free and in.
dependent, and 70 to hell in our own way.
- to Be Q wheel horne chained to some old
puritannical wagon of Supemtiiion, and
dashed With the Devils block snake whip,
to reach the world of pure delight By haul
ing lot Of old sanctimonious hypocrites
through the rough ruts of ain in this.
What II the grape should say to . pear:
"Why are you haunting about up there ?
Beware of swinging alone and free;
You ought 70 cling 70 trellis like me"
What IL river should aay to rill:
eff you weren't too lssy you'd turn mill.
Study nv method and try 10 be
A rushing, roaring river like me-"
What il swan should say to crow:
"You belong to . race Of So-and-eo.
It's deadly sin for you to be free;
Your only hope il 10 serving me-"
What IL goose should teach . wren,
Or IN eagle try to follow . hen!
What il the monkeys should all agree
That there ought to be uniformity!
What il q man should nay to smother:
differ with me and you're not my brother;
] have the truth a the oracles tell;
Go with me, or you'll 90 ~"
We ion't wish to be Thought irrelisious
or Profane-our piety il above suspicion,
yea. in fact, quite out of reach. Like the
old woman the preacher, in going
around among the members Of his congre-
cation. came acros-an old lady in specta-
cles. "Do you love the Lord! he asked.
"Well, parson, I amt got nothin' ergin him..
Talking about religion, boss, how ere you
Of for kin-folks?
Breathes then . soul - dead
Who never to himself hath said
love-my mother-in-law
It Il aaid that zone touch of nature
makes the whole world kim" Oh,
Nature, just reach for u.s.! Reach
for % quick, % 70 can get our
work in on the will of our lamented rels-
tive-Vanderbilt! The only relative worth
having Is mother. That's kin and kind
new. In our infancy she feeds and protects
%, in our childhoo she clothes and spanks
%, in our youth she makes the FIRST shirt
bosom-a real bosom-for "a, and in
our manhood she sees % married and
makes it red.hot for our better-halves. Oh,
. mother i holy thing! Next thing 10
IN angel. We have often thought we'd like
20 be . mother ounelves-mother of the
boy that put . crooked pm in the chair
for u to cit down on. While on kinfolk,
that Atlanta Classification fellow puts up his
chalk mark:
Amos was looking very sad when he
came into the Office.
"Whst's do matter now p asked solici-
tous Old 81.
SWELL, Pse boddered 'kase oh de human /!
koutrarineaa Oh mankinw
"An' what's dat hes upset 20 faith in de |
oh onkalkeraiin' nstur'?"
"Well. yer knos dem folks oh my old
'oman?"
II dOes!
swell, deys been down dar at my hcuee
bout two moufa yer kno. jeS lsyin' round
kittin' way wid hash an 6aPjacks at the
skediule Oh three meals er day By the town |
clock"