The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-09-19
Miscellaneous.

Tailors are sound on the goose.
Spare change-Your own shirt.
The individual chiefly anxious to see
the rule laid down is the school-boy.
Ladies like basque waists, but an editor
can't get along without waste basqueit
is said.
Like cures like" That is the reason
some fellows put a cabbage-leaf in the hat
for sunstroke.
An exchange says, "a spirit of retalia-
ton is abroad" So is the spirit of Old
Rye, we regret to say.
Man proposes, but woman keeps him
hanging around for his answer till a richer
fellow comes along.
. The baldheaded men in large congre-
CATION look like field of pumpkins after
the corn is gathered.
An unsuccessful lover was asked by
what means he lost his divinity. "Alasl"
cried he, II hattered her until she got
too proud to speak to me %
If it cost anything to go to church peo-
pie who never 60 now would run around
like wild men for free passes.
Five dollars reward for the man who
will enter an editors Office without once
saying, "sanctum sanctorum.,
An inquisitive Yankee, looking att
candy maker who was employed with a
lady said "Wife?" mo; assister."
When baseball player comes home
for the season his fingers look as il he
had been talking the deaf and dumb all
phabet.
The Meadville Republican reached the
height of sarcasm when it said of a con-
temporary: "a word to the wise will
hardly reach him"
Whenever young ladies learn to stick
a pin in their apron string SO it won't
scratch fellows wrist there will be more
marriages.
M D. just graduated-"Oh, l get on
first rate l know we'll enough what to
give the cusses, but hang me if 1 could
remember the quantities"
A Ridgefeld man has invented chair,
which can be adjusted to 5000 different
positions. 1t is designed for boy to SIT
III WACA hlo haAl SUV'
A boy died recently in London from
the effects of blow on the head with a
book, inflicted by his teacher in school.
You can't beat education in some chill
dren's heads
We have just been thinking how
language came into this world. 1t was
during Adam and Ewes first quarrel,
when one word brought on another
We can sometimes give a man a per-
sonal puff, but when he asks US to send
him ten extra copies and pay the postage
on them, our smile is sad and vacant,
like boy with the collie watching a mon
keys cage.
When foreign count" or "lord," or
nobleman of some other degree, marries
an American girl it will be found that
she has the dollars and cents and he has
the collars and sense-that is, sense
enough to select a rich girl for wife.
She was a graduate of an Eastern SEM
mary for young ladies, and two months
after marrying young farmer she sug-
gested that he purchase a lot of CASH
mere goats, in order that they might
raise their own cashmere shawls and
CdSnL0Tc ureSSeS.
An old Irish soldier who prided himself
upon his bravery, said he had fought in
the battle of Bull Run. When asked if
he had retreated and made good his
escape, as others did on that occasion,
he replied: "Be jabers, those that didn't
run are there yit |"
A number of gentlemen who were talk
ing about agriculture dwelt good on the
bad husbandry of the farming regions,
when lady present gave spice to the
discussion by saying: Gentlemen, the
worst husbandry seen in this country is
when you harrow up the feelings of your
wives" aE.. I'll.
"You see" said physician to dys-
peptic, who had called on him for advice,
''you don't take sufficient exercise. You
lead too sedentary a life-don't walk
enough. What's your occupation p The
physician was mortified when the man
replied; I've been letter carrier for
over dozen years"