Middletown transcript., 1878-12-14
NO so
FUNNYGRAPHs.

!. says he still wears gauze undershirt !:
:. THAT'S too thin. ."-[Salem Sunbeam.
t The new cook book, "How to get
: good dinner" should be in the hands
, Of every tramp.-[New Orleans Pic
5 ayune.
: Ian Pin was hung by a mob out in
| Carson City for stealing a horse-a
clear case of Lynch Pin.-[St. Louis
Times Journal.
"Is green wall paper healthy ?"
asks medical journal. Not if it is
eaten fried. Nothing is healthy that
is fried.-ERockland Courier.
Occasionally girl marries man to
save him. And she always saves him
from marrying some other girl
| Danielsonville Sentinel.
"They never fall" sang Byron,
"who die in great cause" Which is
| just where they differ from New Jersey
savings banks, which do.-Burlington
Hawkeye.
Just as soon as a young fellow over
in Europe settles down and thinks he
is a first-class King, some knave comes
along and tries to play the deuce with
him New Haven Register.
Remember now," said an Indiana
bride at the altar, eve have separated
and been remarked four times, and
about once more will convince me that
we can never live happily together"
When the lights are low and fel-
low occupies the same big rocking
chair with his girl, how he does wish
he was at the North pole, where it
would be six months till morning!-
[St. Ispis Spirit
Connecticut boasts of a girl that
sleeps standing up. She ought to
marry that Rochester man who puts
his umbrella to bed and stands him
self behind the door-provided there
is room for two behind the door
Rome Sentinel.
An exchange says, "Kind words are
better thang gold" Well, they may be
for some purposes, but when you want :
to choke off bill collector with a.
heavy under jaw, COLDS the best. g
Such men don't run to sentiment much. :
Bridgeport STANDARD.
A St. Louis lady bas sued reporter
for breach of fpromise, putting her dam
ages at $4,000. Forthe.salxe of the
reputation of the profession, it is hoped
the reporter will put his hand into his
pocket and pay the lady the amount
claimed, and thus keep the matter out
Of the courts.-[Norristown Herald.
When two people meet in Lapland !
they salute in the national manner by
rubbing noses upon each other. This
custom is an inestimable blessing to
the party.who has left his handker-
chief at home, and doesn't like 5 be
seen scraping his proboseis ol the
corner of "a Bnilding ROtsllaha
Courier.
If the Postmaster General had any
sense at all would issue. postage
stanpa ike3eard> With double heads,
% the post office elSyks would not be
compelled by people Mbo will persist
in pasting stamps up SIDE down on
their letters, to turn handspring
every tine they stamp a letteFip order
to set the thing straight.-[Keoku
Great is the force of habit, even in
children. A kindergarten pupil is
unable to explain the difference be-
tween the little trapezoid and the big
trapezoid without Immediately sing
ing: "Said the big Obadiah to the
little Obadiah, I am dry, Obadiah, I
I'M dry. Said the little Obadiah to the
Big Obadiah, so am [, Obadiah, so am
Fl Rome Sentinel.
Old B, was hard drinking man
or many years in an interior village
# York State. He died, finally, and
IS the funeral cortege moved slowly
long past the village tavern on its
7ay to the churchyard, to the solemn
olling of the bell, one of the deceased's
ronies, standing on the steps, remark
d, sadly, "That's the first time old B.
yer went by the tavern without stop
ing to take drink "-[Cin. Sat.
Tight.
Probably the oldest married cOapIe
4 existence are now living in the IN.
rmary ofGallia County, Ohio. Their
ames are WILLIAM j. and Lucy ANN
JAWS. Both were born in Pennsyi-