The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1878-11-07
Wanted TO be interviewed.

He walked into the office with an air
of grandeur and Importance scarcely
commensurate with his general untidy,
unclean and unkempt appearance. He
might have been tramp, but the prob
abilities were that he was only a boar
der from the Hay Bunk hotel, of Com
mercial street wharf, on short rural
excursion for the benefit of his declin-
ing health.
"I've arroyen," he rasped.
"Well, what of it?"
"Nothin' pertick'lar; only thought
you might want to see me. So
dropped around to save you the trouble
o. hunting me up"
"Why should we want to hunt you
up?"
"Why? Well. your the wust ever
saw. Why, to interview me, of
course"
"To interview you? What do we
want to interview you for? What do
you knOw?"
~ reckon am bout as well posted
ez the general run o. terriers you inter-
view"
1--WE don't know where to begin"
"You don't? S'pose Central Grant
should skip along out here, what'd you
ask him ? Err how'd you tackle Beecher,
s'pos'n you was to give him the grand
talk? Err King Calico, er the Chinese
Embassy, er the Tullis gang, er any
roosters o. note and Consequence !!
How'd you begin on them9"
owed question them on those sub
jects with which they are most famil-
lar, of course"
"Well, let me see; maybe you could
pump me on finance. Try"
"Are you familiar with the financial
question:"
Familiar enough, ef bein' on speak
in terms is familiar. But, to tell you
the truth, finance an me never did git
along together very well, though we
never disagreed when could git fair
holt"
"What do you think of the present
state of the finances throughout the
ceuntry?"
"Now look here, Mister, please don't
press me so hard. The finances is all
right eff the financiers would only let
'em alone. What we need is circu-
latin mejium, an how're we goin' to
hev a circulatin' mejirm eff it don't
circulate2 What goods money in the
bank do? Fur instance: You've got
two bits in your pocket, what good is it
doin' there? No good. All right.
Now, s'pose-Tm only s'posin', you
understand-you should convey the
idle capital to me and transfer it to
the five cent beer man, and he pays it
over to the brewery proprietor, and
the brewery man pays it over to you
for subscription. You get your money
back less the wear and the tear, and it
hez circulated and done good an lifted
a single soul at least from the pit of
despair to the gallery of bliss in the
theatre of life."
His tones were almost eloquent, and
his scottish eyes almost flashed as he
caught this last sentiment on the fly.
"What doyou think Ofcommunism ?"
Communism Now you've got me
where ! live. You've tumbled to my
gentle racket, an sent her in with a
twist. It's line shot, ten strike, an
the las roll down my alley. If you'd
called it Kearneyism I'd lodged the
issue; if you'd called it Butlerism I'd
backed water. But you pooled the
issues and called the turn for Commun-
ism. Communism is good. Divisions is
the price of Liberty. What's yours is
mine, and what's mine is my own.
Capitals fraud, and the greatest good
to the greatest number is the hinge
the times swings on. The greatest
number is us Communists. The great
est good that can be bestowed on us is
capital. Give us capital, an We'll run
the universe. Pm Communist from
the word &c. Anything else you want
to know ?"
"NO, not to-day. The valuable in
formation you have already vouchsafed
is sufficient for the day thereof"
CANT you goin' to say nuthin'?"
"IIaven't we said enough ?"
"Skeercely."
"What more do you wantH"
"Didn't say something about circu-
latin mejiums"
Ii. 1 L. 4 }