Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-07-10

a guinea of you. I have only got half;
but I'm not in n hurry for tOther
Name your own time, only pray keer
it" saying which, he disappeared round
the corner.
John Phoenix" the American hui
morist being one night at the theatre
fancied he saw friend some three seats
in front of him. Turning to his next
neighbor he said: Would you be kind
enough to touch that gentleman with
your stick?" Certainly" was the re-
ply, and the thing was done; but when
the individual thus assaulted turned
round, Phoenix saw he was not the man
he took him for, and became at once
absorbed in the play, leaving his friend
with the stick to settle matters with the
gentleman in front, which, as he had
no excuse handy, was not done without
considerable trouble. When the hubbut
was over, the victim said: Didn't you
tell me to tap that man with my stick p
Eyes" "And what did you want ??
"Oh," said Phoenix, with impertuable
gravity, 81 wanted to see whether you
acouM or not"
"Jack Holiness" man-about-town,
living no one knew how, was once i'm
der cross-examination ty certain ser
geant-at-law, who knew his man too
well. "Now, SIR" said the learned gen.
tleman, "tell the jury how you live o.
"Well,' said Holmes. "a chop or a
steak and on Sunday perhaps a little bit
of fish: | am a very plain living man. y
,hot 7 ~
dered the questioner. "What do you
do for a living?"
1.-The same as you, sergeant" said
the witness, tapping his head suggest
lively; "and when that fails, [ do go
ing through the pantomine of writing
across his hand little bit of stuff
the same as you again"
"My lud, l shall not ask this obtuse
witness any more questions" said the
angry counsel.
" Brother" said Baron Martin, 81
think you had better not"
Here is a hint of our old friend the
clown IN the pantOmime. At the burn
ing of provision store, the crowd
helped themselves freely. One man
grasped a huge cheese as his share of
the salvage; rising up with it he found
himself face to face with policeman,
and with admirable presence of mind put
the plumber into the officers arms, say
ing " You had better take care of that,
policeman, or some one will be walking
off with it."
Equally ready to relinquish his loot
when there was no help for it was a
Chicago negro, caught by a poultry
fancier in the act of carrying off some
of his live stock, and challenged with
"What are you doing with my chick
ems ?" wuz gwine fer ter fetch 'em
back, boss" exclaimed he. ''Dere's a
niger roun' here, what's bin disputin
along er me bout dem chickens. l
said dey wuz Corchin Chyniz, an he
said dey wuz Alabarmer pullets; an [
wuz jes takin' 'em roun' fer ter stablsh
my nollidge. Dey don't lay no aigs,
does dey, boss? Eff dey does, Pm
mighty shamed of hustlin' 'em roun'.
Aigs is scase"
Impudently cool as the darkey was,
he must yield the palm for effrontery
to the Erie Railway guard, whose in
terview with Manager Fisk is thus re-
lated in an American paper.
You are conductor on the Erie, !
believe p
Eyes, sir
"How long have you been on the
road?"
Fifteen years."
"Worth some property, learn?''
"Some."
"Have very fine house in Oswego
Cost you some thirty, forty or fifty
thousand dollars ?" '
eyes, sir
"Some little money invested in bonds,
[ am told?"
) Eyes, sir" ssf
Gown a farm near where you re-
side ?"
Eyes, SIR" ....
Had nothing when you commenced
as conductor on our road?"
g Nothing to speak Of"
" Made the property since?'
Eyes, sir"
"Been at work for no other parties %
"No; but have been saving money,
and invested it from time to time to
good advantage" .a... ....s'
"Well. sir, what will you give to settle
Of course you cannot pretend to say
you have acquired this property from
what you have saved from your salary
You will not deny that you have peck
eted great deal Of money belonging
to the railway-at least fifty or sixty
thousand dollars? Now, sir, what will
you give to settle, and not be disgraced
as you certainly will be if a trial is
brought, and you are compelled to give
up the property you profess to own, but
which in reality belongs to the Com
pany?"
"Well, Mr.. Manager, I had moi
thought of the matter. For severa
years have been running my train tc
the best of my ability. Never looked
at the matter in this light before. Never
thought [ was doing anything wrong,
[ have done nothing more than othe,
conductors; tried to earn my salary
and get it, and think I've succeeded
[ don't know that owe the Company
anything. If you think I do, why
IL, s++1o- 81