Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1878-02-21
Al&faporia 6az&tte
THURSDAY EVENING, FEBRUARY 81.
Taking IN Elevator.

Taking IN Elevator.
Ikr. Editor of Hearth and Home:
! Your perfect gentlemauly way OF putting my
tletter 10 your paper last winter, writ as warn
Jog to all bad boys on ice, inclines lie to send
another letter which it will be warnln to all
young women never to commit tho mistake
which l did most innocent on Saturday gone q
week at big draggoods store in New I ork. L
had heerd considerable about this ere stofs
but warn't in no way prepared for oil l sea
there. Sakes 1t was equal to DOZEN VII"
lagos like Vaudusenburg coming out o meet.
in' all at once. Suoh a crowd never soc, and
the women maulin' of tho goods without buy.
in', and the clerks lookin' on sarcastic just like
you see in any ornery store. Well, went about
better an hour gcttin' couple O pair OF
good domestic hose for my son Jabez, and
seven. .eighths of yard of stuff for cheese bags;
| and sudden, ben' uncommon tired, L telt
| weak spell comm on, and l hadn't hardly
strength to ask for chintz for the setting room
sofa.
"Next story ma am,' says the clerk, kind O
looking sharp at me, wouldn't you like to
| take o elevator ?"
| Well, avas beat 1t seemed a most IN.
| common proceeding, and what | mover heerd
| 20 gentleman do before, to ask me to take M
elevator. had my mlsgivings what it meant.
| for our Jabez with his jokes and what nots,
though his father and mo is most strong tom.
prince folks. persists sometimes 10 taktn what
be calls elevators. which is glasses OF sperlts
and water, oalkerlated,, as he says, to raise
droopin' fseins and tailin' strength. -,
"Sir," says |, as lofty es could, II prefer
not and to my mind you'd do better for re-
spectacle shop not to be otfarin' elevators,
leastwise not to me-" So | kept walkn round,
not likin' to ask questions shown my country
WAYS, and still feen that awful feelin' Of gone
ness which them as has weak spells is subject
to, when another clerk, hearin' me ask tor
chintzss, said something again about my tax
ing elevator. By this time felt dreadful,
and so, says l. maxim up my mind 1t was
York fashion, and it warn't best to seem too
back country, "Thanks to you, sir, says l,
II don't mind tryin' something of the kind,
ben' most remarkable thirsty"
"Certainly, ma am,' says be, boWing care.
less toward stand hodin' fancy pail with
spipot to it, full of what might have took to
be water, judgin' by the taste, but know well
enough it was some deceitful genteel kind OF
LIQUOR with the taste aud smell taken out, like
they do to benzine and castor oil. No sooner
had l swaered goblet of it when the young
man piuted to little room which, it
you'll believe me, Mr.. Editor, give the queer
est kind Of jerk you ever see just as looked in'
and seein' comfortable sofas oil around the
walls of it, | stepped in. There was other Ia
dies goin' in too, so We al! set down, ana L
couldn't help wondering whether the poor
things had been takin elevators like me-. 1T
won't do no HARM" says l to myself, to SIT
here minute or ITO till this weak spell passes
off," when. massy on me if didn't feel my
self AGOIN' UP! Yes agoin' up, and with
me the room and sofas and ladies and all! l
clutched hold of the cushion and stared kind
o. wild like as not, for one of the ladies' bit her
lip as if contemplating to laugh, and still we
was all agoin' up, leastWise so 1t seemed. It's
all on account O. taking that elevator, thinks
to myself, and then it come upon me how un-
common appropriate the word was. meauln'
drink, though often | had hoard Jabez's pa
scod him for using that Wulg gar expression
But I couldn't help faelin' scared, particular
when see, all of suddent men and women
kind O. wakin' about in the air. Once l. Jump
ed up to 20 out of the room, but man work
n' some clock works in tho corner held out his
hand "Ln one moment, madam !" said he,
pushin me- back with such 40 air
Did you take elevator whispered to tho
lady setting alongside Of mo. She nodded her
head without saying nothing, and from her
even than WAS.
in York." continues /; "our country ee-
wators is more positive TO take. but they don't
have nothing like tho euect, though must ssy
such things never ough'er to bo look except IN
sickness
Nov, madam" says the clock man very
pompous, you won't have no difficulty now.
Sure enough didn't have no difficulty. For
mint the effect of the elevator passed OF aud
dener than it camo. I followed the la1!e3 ou!
lively enough, but sakes alives! what tlmo
had fnedn' the street door, l never was 80 Doth.
cred in all my life, though knowed all along
what was tte matter, but Just kept on without
asking no questions of nobody. and finally sgoin
down stairs, and down stairs. and oxpoctn
nothing else but to find myself in the kitchen.
if Mr. Stewards family lives anywhere in the
buildin', which is most likely. their boing'
enough roomI should think.
Well, to make long story shot how
ever got out of that storo l don't evor oxpectto
glass doors didn't turned mock nor hool till
stood out on tho sidewalk expainin' private to
a police that I'd been tskin elevator, and
wouldn't no put me in down town stage 10
this day haven't said word about tho Dusl-
ness to Jabez, nor husband. nor no one to homo.
Something's had best be bygones. But l feel it
bounden duty, Mr.. Editor, to warn all respec-
table females, great and small not to be led into
| takin' elevators when they 90 into them York
stores, lesst of all this new tangled kind which
| is equal fatal in consequences to pure sperits,
and tastes like nothing earth but water, which
| leads you to taking too much. Hoping you
will print these honest words for tho benefit OF
all concerned, am. most respectfully,
| Yours to command JANE Il. IUBBs.
Opening and Closing Of the Mails