The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-10-29

Take Small chsvs. for Il Swells.
Hash leads many an honest man to
.loubt.
Il Wisdom comes in j"b lots. but il
never auc,ionrd ID. below cost.
Positive. wait comparative. waiter !;
! operative. get it yourself.
y Although fall has actually cum
menced. people DOM seem to tumble
roit.
Getting cold viciuals in hot weather
, Is what u tramp Considers hard work.
,, There's only one thing stronger
than woman's will and that's NO
, mans won't"
The bronze monument to Lie hiy il
not shaft erected to Commemorate Eli
Perkins speciality.
Ginger is not considered a verv
sleepy compound. but then We have
all heard ola gingers nap.
! The Shah Of Persia has ninety
wives. NJ wonder that he lies awake
and chews tobacco in he'd.
| Patience and gen,leness are patent
and powerful. but they cannot turn a
mill wheel nor break up a setting
hen.
| A woman is never thoroughly inter-
ested in a newspaper article until she
reaches the place where the balance is
torn ID.
! There is man in Pittshurg who is
80 thin that window glase company
there have hired him to cut glass With
his elbow joint.
A hoy who can devour a green a.
melon and keep ON smiling will SHINE
day havea custom house appointment.
The grand and awful difference he
tween a tree aud a bore is-hmrrah,
n"w the tree leaves in spring, and
the bore. Why. he never leaves.
A little Irish boy fell down aud bit
his tongue. He aroee from the ground
CRYING and sobbing. and said tn his
brother: "Oh S,aphen, think ! will
ever sp he again 7"
An artist once painted an angel with
six toes. ''WhO ever saw an angel
with six toes" people inquired.
"Who ever saw one With less 2" WAS
the cuunter question.
A school mistress asked u child what
. ee spelt. The child he-ifate,l. Said
the teacher: "What d. d" when I
leok at Mr.. Smith," "Thquint," re-
piled the pupil.
"How came you to have such q
short noeei :" asked city dandy ut
countrv bov. $50 that would not
be p,kins it into other peoples busi-
ness. was the reply.
A lady's vase Of wax lilies was re-
Gently pawned for rum by her hus-
hand. Though they we're not nnni%!rd
for p"nd lilies, be made pawned lilies
Of them.
Newspaper paraersphers are ex-
pected to get up fresh j,kes every
week. bit circus cl"wn can run the
same old joke for millisn years and al
ways find foois to laugh at il.
Swimming for girls" is the title Of
an article in an exchange. II a Young
man can't get a girl Without swim
ming f'r me. there is e.,ine to be Nm
overprnluctiUn Of old maids aud old
bach~lors.
A SUNDAY school teacher wac tell
ing his scholars the other Sunday
sbout q had bay wh" stole 500. when
he Was interrupted by one If his au-
dience With the query: How did he
get such bully chance :"
There il q young woman in Elmira,
N. Y. with hair ihirty.nine inrhes
long. II she were only man, what
. superb corndoctor che would make.
All . man needs to make him = pro-
ftssion chirop'dist. u long hair.
He MAS almost undre.sed when his
father caught him. hot the defence
was Convincing. Il dnn't want tn 90
in SWIMMING with 'em I only wanted
to see the bad little b,ys whO go in
swimming on Sunday get drowned.
An exchange saws thar the brilliant
and impalsive have black eyes. We
know il. for We carried two IT them
arOund with us fDr two weeks nmce,
and it vas nnthin9 in the world hut
our brilliancy and impulsiveness that
did il.
F~m the wav some of the girls
lsok in their walking dresses. pulled
hack aud tied tight srUund below the
knee, two peanuts twice q mouth
would make 'em tat. Their waists
look like the thin part If IN hour
glass with very little sand in IL.
The business man who thinks that
- few lines on the local side oeca-
sionally is al the advertising he needs,
Is twin braher to the man y ho covered
the hack door Of . ps'or house with a
colored poster announcing an excursion
to the Paris exposition,
do you call that clothe.:" said
sternly . British custom official to
the woman who had sworn that there
Was nothing in her trunk hut clothes
for herself and husband and rs he
spoke he pointed to six bottle. Of
brandy. YES" said she, softly,
"those are his night caps.,
When young ladies 60 out blsck-
Deriving they should he careful where
thew stand. A young lady living not
far from Mohawk went the other dav,
and il 10 happened that che stopped
directly over . humble bees nest.
Distance tn the house. half q mile:
time. two and one half eeconds.
A sailor. in describing a voyage to