The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-04-04
His Honor and Bijah.

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you were in the Ears parlors."
Who's the Ear p impudently asked
the boy as he showed the chairs around. 5
Who's the Ear? Haven't you ever
studied the directory or the dictionary
or read Uncle Toms Cabin! What ig-
norance here in our midst, where even
ever member of the Common Council
can read and write I"
"Oh take down your steeple !" growled
the boy.
Gentlemen" said the old man as he
put down the feather-duster and looked
over to the reporters" !" I think duty
calls me. In fact, I know. she does.
Somehow or other, kinder feel as if the
responsibility of this boys future de-
pended on me, and I'm going to set his
better ideas in motion. My son, come
here!"
I can't see itp' replied the boy, shut
ting his eyes.
When the mountain wouldn't come
to old Dan Tucker, Daniel went to the
mountain" I" unused Bijah as he walked
over and collared the young dime novel
reader. "Come over these 'ere loving
knees, my son, and let me show / raised
sixteen children of my own"
The boy yelled and struggled, but the
fatherly clutch was on him, and in a few
seconds he had assumed a most favor
able position AS he continued to yell,
the reporters zsexes sTcquostad to sssrilsn
a song and drown him out. While Bijah
spanked they loudly sang:
"'Fi had 'orse which wouldn't 90,
I'd dump him into She Ohio;
I'd sell the buggy awful cheap,
And trade the harness on Tor sheep.
Hal hal hal
Hear him yell
Bijah lays the spanks
So he did. When he had finished his
contract the boy slid for the door, say
ing never word, and looking as humble
and repentant as defeated candidate
for county Office.
All how many tender memories of
the long ago that ERE job awakesI"
sighed the old man as he brushed tear
from his eye; and he blew his nose quite
frequently as he resumed his dusting.
HIS CROOKED WAYS.
Henry Crook came to Detroit from the
East to keep books. He found all
the books SO we'll kept that he had
no opportunity. Then he tried to
get into the postoffice. He tried to get in
| at the basement window, but got a
broken head. He then decided to start
bank, but a policeman started him.
He made an offer of SAC, 600 for two pro-
pellers and schooner, tried to buy out
| a brewery, and was about to set up in
business as diamond broker when he
concluded to get drunk and then not to
taste another drop for fifty years. AT
dead of night song was heard from the
bowels of one of the darkest coal sheds
on the wharves. 1t was his song and il
ran:
| "Yes, they miss me at home
| Yes, they miss mel
| And Pm hungry a wolf,
And this 'ere is a cold bed,
And wish had bologna
Yes, they probably miss meP'
He sang in bass, baritone, alto, tenor,
and several other styles, and it was some
little time before the officer could tell
| whether the noise was that of a conflict
between two sea-lions or bnzzsaw work
ing on scrap-iron.
" You'd better go up" suggested the
court, as the prisoner stood before him.
" Hain't 1 gone up 'nuff alreadyT' p
asked the man as he surveyed himself.
is this cold world" !" queried the
court.
"Cold! Why, judge, I druther be
turned adrift on the ocean in canoe
than to walk this town with empty pock-
cts and hungry stomach! The grass
looks blue to me the handsomest women
are alligators in my sight, and feel
like wringing the neck ofevery meek
old man / meetp
We'll Tye sent you up for thirty days.
You'll get square living and good
| bed for month, anyhow"
My revenge-my hour of vengeance
shall come!" exclaimed the prisoner.
And so will clean shirt,I hopep
quietly observed his Honor as he bowed
him to the care of Bijah.
THE sAw-MILL MAN.
He was person of deep thought, an6
his knees shook as he stood before the
desk and explained:
You see, came down for some ma
chinery, and / had little time to lool
around, and drank little beer, and
suppose was little drunk"
4 "Yes, you were. When the office
found you you were standing before |
tannery and crying out: Shend porte
down ere t cary up my trunkp sup
pose you thought you were in Chicago.
suppose so, and Pm very sorry.
own seven saw-mills up the shore"
. Tba ohnra af ffp,a 9)
No, sir-the lake shore. l hope 20
can overlook this affair.""
Are your seven saw-mills painte
redp
They are not painted at all, sir"
Then shall have to fine you five do
lars, Mr.. Slab. Ionce made "a trip throug
the Saginaw Valley, and hadn't put
: one day when l took a solemn VOW
bear down on the first saw-mill ma
E whom the boys ran in. There wasn't
S window curtain to be seen around an
D mill not pair of inside blinds greete
the weary eye the front steps were dirt.
> the stairs had no ratings, and just
climbing rose ought to have been see
+ there was a pile of two-inch plank
! knock sentiment endways. If I ever ow
l saw-mill, sir, I'll. show you the cosies
? cleanest, tidiest mill in the world. Z
!, have a parlor on the south side,
9 brary in the west end, a studio up stair
s and while the saws are chewing up Il
? logs I'll be imbibing knowledge an
5 making myself familiar with the bea
tiful."
:. The saw-mill man started out to smi
o contemptuously, but one glance from Il
r court made him change it to smile
# appreciation, and he carefully hand,
o over five dollars and went out.
t THEY have justice at Oshkosh wi
= = is little particular. He has the folio
e ing notice posted conspicuously in b
e office: "Any lousy lawyer who insul
# this Court will be kicked into Il
1t street"