The Ottawa free trader., 1878-04-13
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


The nationals are disguised republicans say
one of their organs. Democrats will make not
of It,
The Wisconsin legislature has refused to max
insanity a cause for divorce. No red headed "o
man could ever marry if insanity was Il cause 10
divorce, for no sane man ever marries one
When horrd men lecture, they rarely alIudc t'
women excepting in the most graceful ana aSrec
able terms. When women take the platform
they almost universally scold men, WHAT'S INC
reason?
Here is the salutarory of new editor down in
MARYLAND: "What have to say to TINS coinmu
nifty will said gradually"
Teacher with reading class: Boy Tcadhng)-
And rs She sailed down the river. Teacher
Why are ships called She? Boy Cprccociously
alive TO the responsibilities Of his scXl-Bccausc
they need men TO manage them.
The Aurora HGaM says: while the temper
ance people were tying on four thousand "Red
Ribbons" twenty-five saloon keepers elected the
entire officers for the city"
The ruling passion cropped out in New Or
leans barber, who, while shaving the face Of a
dead man, gave the corpse the whole history oi
the silver bill, the rise and fall of gold, and the
attitude of the foreign bondholdcrs.
Henry Ward Bccchcr rcpudiatcs the engage
ment of his agent TO lecture in Denver this sea
son. You see he has gone back on IL.
Lord Beaconsfcld, in the course Of an impas-
stoned speech, denounced the occupants Of the
Treasury Bench as "cXtinct volcanoes" "What
does he mean by that" an Irish member was
asked. "Sure, he means that they're used-up
craters," was the answer.
They are going to have an artificial Niagara
Falls at the Paris Exposition; but, unless an
American is charged fifteen dollars for looking at
it, and has his pocket picked by a hackman, he
will fail to recognize it.
No wonder the girls are always ready To tread
the uncertain path Of matrmopy. Mrs. Denn-
son has made enough money out of That llus-
band Of Mine" to buy a brick house with two
hay windows.
John Chnaman, being unable to sound the ''r,'
says this is mot fee country" The veterans
who went through the southern rebellion will
not agree him-no matter how you spell flea.
WHhlls, Ol INC w ullcuull JWWN, says tlc
proudest day in a woman's life is her first Son
day.-Ddnbury Nous. In case Of twins wouldn't
her first TwO's day be the proudest:-St Johns
Torch, PrO.bub ly.-IyhitelmN Tina. But if she
has triplets, ii is Sadder day Burlingon Hdirh.
cYc. In very hot weather wouldn't it be 4 Fry
Gay!
EditOnal amenities in Minnesota are nearly up
10 the Texas standard. The vigorous Wascca
HodM says: "Thc hod-carricr and whisky.guz
zcr of the uptown He'll Box says he has done
sl07G0 worth of job-work in the last % days. He
simply lies like a horse.thef. Besides, what lit.
lie work he has done he has borrowed the type
with which to do the most Of It."
Here is how men, by vicious Indulgence, exc
out miserable existence in Texas. The Dallas
cal says:
James James, who lives in Wcathcrford Par
ker county, Texas, was born in Prince William
county, Virginia, May 10, 1904, Is now nearly IA
years old. He resides with his daughter, Mrs
Nancy Wheat, and until recently has been able to
do light work about the the farm. He has drank
whisky for ninety years, never was u church
member, and he thinks that when he dies that
viii be the end Of him.
To return once more to Mr.. Stevens. Accord
iug to his system OF measures of weight il only
lakes 100 seeds TO make u corn. But under his
system of measures Of surface IL takes 10000
square metres TO make one great acre. Now,
here is a confusion of terms evidently, for if Il
corn Is not not a great achcr we would like to
know what is.-N. y. .uuR.
The UocIrs last fable sets up the Wolf in
Cheap Clothing. At beats .Esop;
An elderly Black Sheep Of means having ad-
ycrtiscd for llousckeCpcr, received Reply on
scented Paper, directing him to call at n certain
Ihichct. On doing so, what was his AmaZement
,I...l Il ~
Clothing, who immediately spranS upon him
and dcyourcd him.
Nordl.-Scryed Him Right
"A woman, stocking" says the person Of the
Sandusky Register who calls himself 'moral
editor "i- the best thing in the world to put
silver in" That may be, but silver is by no
means the best thing to put in woman's stock
ing Oh, dear, no. \ hundred thousand times
aot any whatever.
After man, who has always maintained the
highest standing in the religious community,
has once run across the back yard after dusk and
iucd to cut the clothes line in two with his chin,
hc always has 10 explain to his Mortified wife
that lac got into the habit OF swearing in the
army, And, very probably hc dd.-H@rk,go
The young man in the first ward, who express
ID his JOY that the nt.liccnsc party In Uillsboro
u
license there ~ soon as his young woman could
tx the day, does not quite understand the mat.
,cr IL was The liquor license not the marriage
license question that was involved. He can
,eadily get license TO marry her, but no; to lick
arr.-EC.
Afcr all Chicago is the place TO start in on
nothing and grow up with the city, There was
Lester ;. SwccZy, an attorney, who recently fail.
ID for $4,000. Ten years ago" SAYS the Rock
,,rd Register "hc was an impccuniou, Young
.awycr in Guilford, Winncbago county. Hcwcnt
90 Chicago without a cent Of money, and opcncd
law Office He is now in debt some $4,000
i nuy Guilford boy can beat that in ten year, we
would be glad to hear from him
It is best TO let well enough alone The New
York Methodist has this relation
Il don't object" said the Quarteylua>t,r. ON
sunday morning, while our ship was running To-
wards the Equator, before the northeast trade
"Ind, Il don't object tO prayers when il blows q
hurricane when Wp are .u IA sbpr, Rr