St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1878-07-20
WAITS AND WHIMS.


Pater ard Mater Families sat
Their visages puckered with care
Pond ring " hat they should DO with the girls,
Their girls with the 1 auburn y hair.
They play: and they sing, AMI the7 Dance she
said
And they sketch with pencil aid pen;
They speak the German and French, and "a~ -
" Oh, yes any oNj 'ct but men
And there they all a." the old man growl'd
with all tjeir Sabhle and Dutch -
And he gave the rGcdis beneath his chair
prof. with the point Ct lis crutcA.
But what they do that Is useful ?" he yelled,
with al oath that was really shocking
Can they Few, sweep, or cook. or clear,
Or darn the holes in their stocking?'
Darn the hole in their stocking ~ size cri"i,
With a hslf hysterica! shrek
h. no indeed What he poor girls need
lisa tho, ough knowledge of Greek"
She what age do you think
amp He, gallant -"I don's know,
but you don't look it,"
1t is a curious scientific fact that ths
success of a steam propeller is largely
due to the fact that there's screw loose
somewhere.
Sidney smith once rebuked swear
ing visitor by saying, "Let us assume
that every thing and everybody are
damned and proceed with our subject
"A devoted husband says that the
photograph is simply machine that
" talks back" and he has had one of that
kind in his house ever since he WAS
married.
The fact that George Westinghouse
wife never asked where he had been
when he cane home late at night, goes
great ways toward accounting for his
extreme truthiulness.
"A doctor went out for days hunt
ing, and, on coming home, complained
that he hadn't killed anything. chats
because you didn't attend to your legiti-
mate business said his wife.
-" Mr.. Jones, you said you were con-
nected with the fine arts. DO you mean
that you are sculptor?' " No, sir; |
don't sculp myself, but I furnish the
stone to the man what does"
advice to young writers: If syou
would be clear and forcible, don't use
foreign words. Be natural. A man
never stops to hunt up a foreign word
when he is stung by hornet.
The number of men who play good
game of billiards with their nose is
limited. Unhappily, we cannot say the
same of those who play big games with
their mouth.-[Oil City Derrick.
Queen Victoria's new saloon rails
way car is one of the most beautiful of
its kind ever built, as may we'll be
imagined from the fact that its construc-
ton and fittings cost over 100000.
"A chronic growler, who lived in a
boarding house, kept the landlady in a
state of torment all through the holidays
by always remarking at meal time
"Thingo are getting tough, 1 tell you"
How much sweeter will life become
when the newspapers say fishermen"
or "anglers" instead of "disciples of
Izaak Walton" and "dancers" instead
OF "votaries of terpsichore!" But it
will never happen, never New Or
leans Times.
"A young lady from Georgetown
came to the city the other day to have
her picture taken. When the artist
showed her the "proot" and asked her
how she liked it, she placidly remarked
that he "put too darned much mouth
on it to suit her."
..(Professor eloquently holding forth
to the junior rhetoric class. One OF its
members on the back seat, likewise hold.
ing forth to her neighbor.) Professor
II beg pardon: Miss A, I believe | inter
rupted you.' Miss A" Oh, no, not
at all had finished"
"A Chicago girl, eight years old, had
one of her legs permanently shortened
by falling through a coal hole, and a
Jury gave her $500 damages. 1t is
pathetic now to see string of girls on
hand there every morning waiting for
that coal hole to be opened.
The Married State.-Marriage is
not commonly unhappy, but as life Ia
unhappy; and most of those who COM
plain of connubial miseries have as
much satisfaction as their natures would
have admitted, or their conduct pro-
cured in any other condition.
Robinson (after long whist bout at
the club)-" It's awfully late, Brown
What will you say to your wife,"
Brown Tin a whisper)-"eh, | shan't say
much, you know Good morning, DEAR
or something O. that sort. She'll say the
rest !"
An aged man said: "If husbands
only had any sense they'd never have
any trouble with disobedient wives. ]
never did, an have been married nigh
onto fifty years" "What is your
secret?' asked friend. Why, |
always tell my wife to do just as she
pleases, an she never fails to do it."
The following conversation lately
occurred in New England railway sta
ton Pat" Plat is the fare to Put
nam ?" Agent" Putnam in Massachu-
sets or Connecticut p Pat" Plat Is
the fare?" Agent-"35 to Putnam,
Mass; So to Putnam, Conn" Pat
"Well. bedad, OIL take the chapest Pr