The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1878-10-15
TESTING PATENT MEDICINES,
stomach lnvigoratiye. and Auti-lla-
is.r,ai Eitters and K4lectric
i'.it;s, etc.

MIR Hendricks said the Colonel
''you are tic very man the state of Min
nesota has been crying for. We wan
you to take the FIRST place on the commit
tee on medical and surgical display, ap
point your own associates and subordi
mates. Now don't say no, for We can
d., without you"
Mr. Hendricks didn't say no. He &C
celted lie appointment and wentto WORT
with vi |. There has only been one
day of the fair you know, but already Mr.
Hendricks has been so overworked, 81
cairied away BY bis enthusiasm, that he
will heiobliged to resign. can stand
it, he said in piteous tones, Il can't stand
tell yoa all about it,.
Well, he did have hard time ALI
the men who had porous plasters and hv-
er pills and stomach inyigofators and
anti-malaral 0itte.s and electric pads and
galvaaic belts got after him as soon as
be made his appearance.
"Therc isn't a fair in the country
shouted Que, that hasn't given the med
al to Boggs's Bitter Vine of Barberry-=
try IL And he forced cordial glass
full down Mr.. Hendricks throat when he
went to taste it,
mo tonic equal to 'Torboy's Anomat.
ic Infusion OF Genseng'n howled an
other; Just tone up your stomach with
that, and down went dose of the lnfu.
sion of Ginseng
=. lake. a spooful of .Henbane's Elixir
of Life Tor an antidote to those poisons
i At
and down went the Elixir.
q II won't taste any more said Mr.. Ken
bricks feebIy, when the confagration in
his throat, melted by the elixir, had sub,
sided little. Don't say that without
giving 'Bolos' Double Extract of Rhus
chanc with the rest protested an
agent, aud the Rhus went down, and ar
rayed itself in direct antagonism to all
tie other clements there, Immediately
went to work to Mexicanize Mr. Ken
bricks system
]" Take doub' dose of Collins Balm
Of Hemlock, suggested a kind looking
agent, "and you'll feel all right" He
pried open Mr. Hendricks jaws, and thir.
ty seconds later Mr. Hendricks nervous
display unmistakable symptoms of jim.
jams in the secondary stage.
Mr. Hendricks woull have fed, but
another agent poured down his resisting
throat wine glass full of .Scroggs
Gastric Essence of Mountain Ash" and
he forgot his ow.. name Then a man
dragged him mp to his staHd aad slapped
patent blister on the back OF his neck,
explaining its virtues in the mean while,
reco anting the first premiums it had taken
and begging Mr.. Hendricks to keep
on couple of hours to see how il
worked.
"The only thing for weak back" said
the agent of Bleedanblisters Porous
Plaster, and before Mr. Hendricks could
protest his coat was of and the Plaster
slapped on the small of his back. Put
this on alongside of it," cried the agent
OF Badgers strengthening Plaster, land
you'll never feel the first one so on it
went The other agents crowded round,
and they held Mr.. Hendricks while they
paved his back with plasters, and fires
coei his legs with blisters, and swathcd
his body in electric belts and liver pads
aud when the paIina- Gnallp ,.nsnna,l i.s,.,
and took him away, just as they were
putting him into the carriage one of the
agents came chasing after him, yanked
OF one OF his boots, and before he could
be dubbed away he covered the unhap-
py mans foot with adhesive corn plas-
ters and bunion pads. The wreck was
carried to the place which had once been
its home, all night long surgeons and
physicians stood at Mr.. Hendricks bed
side and pumped him out and scraped
him oil Il am better now,' he said fee.
bly,, as he finished his mourpful recital,
"bnt | want to resign, | can't stand this
kind of work any longer. II they want
aman to pass on the plasters and bitters,
they must get a cast-irun man '-Burl.
inglon lIaWkeye.
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