The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1878-03-28
The Alling Man.
burlington Hawkeye. !

lburlington HaWkeye.
had such o pleasant companion on
my way home from Aurora. He got on
at Bristol and took dinner at the Cos
mopolithn. He sat with me at dinner
and did not seem to have much appe-
tite. He groansd when he took up the
bill of fare, and sighed as he looked
across the table at my order, and then
shook his head dolefully and told the
waiter to bring him little boiled trout
with egg sauce; bit of boiled mutton.
with caper sauce; some roast beef. a
trifie rare; just taste of roast lamb.
turkey with cranberry sauce, mashed
potatoes. roast duck. some pork and
beans. Boston style; stewed tomatoes.
corn, turnips, squash. peas. u bit of
cold tongue. some sharp relishes and q
cup of. coffee. Then he ordered some
assorted cake. cranberry pie. Indian
pudding and ice cream for dessert. and
said he felt darned sight more like
dying than eating.
If he dies as we'll as he eats. Just
imagine. just think. what a glorious,
triumphant death that man will die.
Shortly after dinner the poor man
came into the coach and sat down oppo-
site me.
All, he said, with deep groan; l
don't know what | wouldn't give il
could eat like you.
Sir! | said, In fine burst of indizna-
tion. for i thought he was going to
accuse me of swallowing my knife
every time | took bite Of pie, and l
just made up my mind that l would cut
his heart out if he limited at such 9
thing.
oh. it's fact, he replied. I haven't
enjoyed meal for years.
Was it possible? | asked in amaze
ment.
Indeed. yes. he said. I'm all out of
fix. I've got no liver at all, to speak
about.
don't suppose one liver would be of
any account to him. l rather thought
that if he could get couple of gangs
of livers. and work them by reliefs,
especially if he had them made of tin.
But then he was stranger TO me, SO
didn't feel justified in making the sug
gestion.
No. he continued. my liver is no
more use to me than a lump of lead.
suppose. he said plaintively, it's as big
as four of yours
And he looked at me with an appeal
ing glance, as though he expected me
to take my liver out and let him ex-
anime it, as though it were an oroide
which he wanted to trade for.
Now, if there is anything in this
beautiful world that makes me mad. it
is to have man who is ailing sit down
and bore me Mith list Of his diseases
aud detailed description of his ana
tomical arrangements. And the men
of free America, 1t seems TO me. would
rather talk about their perishing livers
than their never-dying souls. and it
always makes me mad for q man to
come to me and burden me with COM
plaints about the torpidity of his liver
as though | was his physician. lam
proud to confess to the blindest, densest
ignorance concerning my own inner
life. / don't know whether my liver
is round or shaped like . gun case, and
don't know where il is. and don't
care a continental. although always
had the impression that it was just
under the shoulder blades. So said
to the man with very great -thusism:
Oh. do tell me all about your liver |
should like to know all about II. am
SO interested in such things.
The man looked little surprised at
my sudden enthusiam. bat he said there
wasn't much to tell about it. 1t was
as torpid, he said, as a snake in Decem-
ber
Oh. charming. charming exclaim-
ed. And is it tame: Do you let 1t
run around loose or do you have to
keep it chained up.
The stranger stared. and looked as
though he would like to sit little
further away. He said he didn't just
exactly understand me.
And how is your spleen l asked
eagerly. and your ventricles! And do
tell me about your thoratic duct. aud
how do you get along with your ton
als. And have you raised any new
bones since | saw you last; and when
did you hear from your diaphragm
Do tell me all about your viscera;