Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1878-04-02
Uncle Isham on He'll.

A DARKEY PREACHER TAKES ISSUE
WITH COL. BOB INGERsOLL
From the Phila. Weekly Times.
"Unc' Isam, is you bin read in de pa
pers lately?"
Me! me read? Ketch me was'in' my
time and 'stroyin' my min like dat!-
No! bless Cord, can't read, nor don
ten to. dunno B from bulls foot; and
as for Ally bet, eff ALT was to stan up by
de side oh Bet, couldn' tell 'em apart.
"Well, de papers say dat dar amt no
hell.n
"Dar! What I tole you, what tole
you? Dis ar a evil-speakin', a corn
stunt cheatin' and a newspaper readin'
genersshun, and its all tom fool. You
-you-you jes' go on bleivin' dar amt
no hell and see whar, you gwine fotch
up:n
hell, but tain no real hell, like de good
ole-fashion hell whar we was raised to.
Dey amt no fire dar."
"What! Dey amt Lit it yit?"
"Yaas, dat what de paper say, and
Butcher preach de same from de pulpit.
"G'way from me, niger. Dom call
de name of Butcher to me, for I'm
oristun man, BON and rais'd in ole Vir-
ginny 'mong 'spectibul white folks. Eff
hell amt lit, It's coz dey waintin' for a
good piece o. kindlin' like Butcher to
light it wild. But it's burnin' and a
burnin', day and night, like a ion fur
Miss dat don't never git chill. Oar is
too much sin-timber kiv'rin' de nth, and
de Lord carnt clear de new groun' for
de saints till dat bresh is out'n de way"
"But you don't b'lieve in no mateyul
hell ?n
"B'lieve in it? Does I b'lieve in a
fire what starts from nuthln' and buns
up nuthin', and is built for puppus 'cep-
PIN jes' to make light blaze, like boys
playin' wild pile o. shavins? AK me
to 'tach my faith to q fox-fire, jake-my-
lantern hell dat shines but don't BUN?
Yeu's fool Listen to me.n
"Yaas.u
"When man die, he done dade, amt
hep"
'Yaas"
"WelI, when a man dade he don e
dade, UNI he carnt come to live no mo-,
nuver ?"
"Yaas."
"Tell de Anjul Gabul blo' de HON ?"
"Yaas"
"An' de trumpit shell SCUM"
"Yaas."
"Yaas me no yaas. Yaassin' is sasin.
Here is, ole 'nuf to be de daddy Nv yo
gram mommy and carnt open my mouf
futto kwote de gospil OBJ Scripter but you
keep on 'truptin' me wild ye' everlarsten
yaassin' and yaassin'. Eff [ carnt talk
in peace aim gwine talk tall.
"Den l ak yo' pardin, grant yo' grace
--g'long; my ear ar opin to de truf."
"De trumpit shell SCUM, and de graves
shell pop, and de dade shall be rails,
some to de glory OBJ sheep and some to
de damnastion Nv billy-goats. Well!
when you come out'n yo' grave, what
you gwine do?"
II dunno"
mo mo- you don't. No newspaper
readin' fool never knows. All SIGH minds
me oh tadpoles 'dout no head, only a
teenchy bit of TAIL and de wigglin' o.
dat dey confouns wild observashun. and
calls it 'Iiteninment. But what you
gwine do when you come out'n yo'
grave? You gwine STAN dar in de mid
dill oh de road like balky mule? No,
Stree. You got to git up and git, and
go whar you b'longs Sleeps to de right
and goats to de lef'. De Sleeps and lam IS
oh goodness jes' rises up like blooms
from glory to glory, till de highest and
de fuderest stars in hebin Amt nothin'
but low grouns OBJ sorrer compard to
'em; while you, my onpenitent, wide
mouf, newspaper-readin' young niger
fren', and de likes oh you, will be kotch
by de nap o. de neck and flung ober de
battilmints, and you'll drap, and drap,
and drap, and drap for thousan' year /;
and when you light you'll light in de
burnin' lake, and great will be de splash
darof. And you won't hear nuthin' but
de drappin' Oh oder wicked billy-goats
and sinners-a drappin' and drappin'
like peas on rawhide or turkey shot in
a boss pom. And de Ondyin' Wurrum
he'll be dar. and he'll grab you de mo-
ment you light, and he'll kile and kile
hisself aroun' you till de very marrer OBJ
yo' soul is squez outen you. And ole
Satun nell be dar to kiver you up wild
newspapers soakt in karosene lie, and
wild sulfur and wild birthstone, and he'll
bank de fires on you, and dar you'll be
and dar you'll stay, wild plenty oh news
papers wild brillyant artikles in 'em' till
bimbey de sin OATS stewin' and a fry
in and hissin' and bilin' and bub-
blin' in you will bust out in blaze dat
will reich de skies, and de smoke OBJ yo'
tormint will be dat big and black dat all
de tar-kilIs in North Keliny wont be no
mon loosely match 'longside OBJ it,"
Oar stop right dar, Unc Isam. and
femme ak you dis one questun: Eff dar
is all dat smoke down dar, whar de
chimbey to car it off, and whar it gwine
go to arfter bin don car'd-answer me
dat?"
"You-you-you' pooty sort OBJ "a
OBJ a pestl-tail pignoramers to AK me
questuns like dat! How dar you come
argyfiae and sputyfne wild ole. sickly
man like me? Whar de chimblys O.
hell? Whar yo' sense, whar yo' man
ners? Is yo' mind done lef' yo' re'son,
is yo' sense run off and forgot yo' branes?
Chimblys, hunh! smoke, hunh You
specs you got me, does you? Dom you
know, you onreienrit, oudashus sap
head, dat in bad weather de smoke falls
to de ground-and whar you gwine fin
bladder and mo- threatenin' weather dan
down beio,? Yaas, OATS it !; de smoke
OBJ tormint falls down into de garpin
moufs OBJ newspaper-readin, sputifyin'
fools and dey swallows it-dat's wbar it
CO."
Now min what 1 tell you, for dis ar
de las time: Git religin', jine de church,
read yo' Bible, pray constunt. at yo'