The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1878-07-05
n O.. 3
SIFTINGS.

w nen Is a jealous husband like cat
When "he smells a rat.','
I What is the best name for a waiter {?
Why, Cumming, sir, of Course.
The puffed.up egotist who says won
an cannot do anything 50 well as man
has never seen herpaek trunk.
A Chicago lady complains of the unre-
mitting love of an absent husband. He
never sends her any money.
A Maine paper aptly eulogizes a local
pastor as having."made six hundred hearts
beat as three hundred during his min
istry.
The Bible says :"Of all things, wis
dom is profitable to man." That's So.
4 man never. calls his wife baldheaded
old woman but once.
How to start step nowadays-Just
let his landlady ask him for next weeks
board in advance.-N. 7. Commercial Id.
vertiser.
An old salt, sitting on wharf the other
day, very soberly remarked: IT began
the world with nothing, and I have held
my own ever since.
A hen-peeked husband of Brooklyn says
that his wife is a regular "vertigo." o."-Dan
bury Nes0s. Abiding, probably, to the
violent way in which she flies to his head
|-PAizodezphia Bulletin.
A scientific correspondent of the Brook
lYn Union explains that the center lamp
on the street cars has been introduced as
a relief to the horses; it makes the car
lighter.
Always try to hit the nail upon the
head, my boy" said an uncle to his nephew;
but the nepheW's little cousin whispered to
him, "Don't bit the nail on your finger,
for it hurts awful"
The English language is inadequate to
express the forlorn feelings of the boy who
thinks he has stolen dime novel and
finds it to be cook book.-Iurners Falls
Reporter
IF We would have q free country, VIC
must have free press,n heroically ex
claimed devoted daughter of rich
Nevada miner, as she slid down grape
arbor at Two o'clock in the morning and
theu eloped with a poor editor.
A creditor in Maysyille, KY, sought to
get an attachment on the ground that his
debtor had said, 'I'm going to sell out
and go to hell" thus justifying a belief
that he intended to quit the State. The
Justice decided that the remark was no
indication that the debtor meant to 90 ont
Of Kentucky.
Little Johnny has peculiar views as 10
original sin. One day he was about to be
punished for some misdemeanor, when he
pleaded.-''It wasn't me, mamma. dear:
it was the bad man." "Well, Johnny, |
am going to whip the bad man out of you"
"Ah, yes, but it will hurt me precious lot
more than it will the bad man,
A little Athol boy, guilty of some mis-
conduct, upon being asked why he could
be SO naughty, replied that he thought he
was not doing anything very wrong.
'Ihat,sno excuse, said his mother; think.
ing doesn't help the matter much" swell.
mamma" said he, whats the use of hay-
ing thinker, if you can't think? ?"
What is your religion, my friend ?"
asked clergyman of tramp with cal
cium nose. "Me2 / belong to the Moth.
marian denomination" 'Indeed {? I never
heard of that sect. What are its tenets ?n |
earnestly inquired the parson. "Why, we
believe, Ye see, that-we believe that-wall
we believe, that whatever hez happened
Wuz to be whether it come to pass or
not.
In Nubia, as soon as girl is married,
her mother is forbidden by law ever again
to speak to her, under pain of being roast.
ed on the spit. Oh dearl what a great
deal that is really good in the institutions
Of heathendom might be adapted by us
Christians! Let an American mother.in-
law beware, however, if her daughters
husband proposes q trip to Nubia some of
these days. He will have her on that spit
within six hours after her arrival at the
nearest Nubian port
As they were taking their oysters the
ady gave little scream of rapture and
detached from one ofthe bivalves that had
allen to her pearl. T wonder, said
he, as she examined it closely, IF it is
Forth anything. There does seem to be q
law in it. : Her lord and master inspects
critically and returns It With a aapient
hake Of the head. Bogus, sure,n he
ays; they eonldn't afford to give real
earls With oysters at twenty-five cents a
oxen.
At the dinner Of the Ron.sy Agricul
1ral Society in England, a clergyman
aid that the records of Romsey AbhevI