Western sentinel. [volume] (Winston [i.e. Winston-Salem], N.C.) 1856-1886, 1878-01-17
!. But Mrs. Alcott, living down ut
her farm, would not have changed
her ,lot with that'of.a princess" .


her lot with that'ofi. a PRINCESS" y
MARX TWAIW'S, 1nZLITA. |
+. RY RECORD. '-a '..>
THE ARMY EXPENsEs OF THE GREAT
AMERICAN JoKER-HIs LATEST. EFFU- |
@ sloN:oni.I.lL ~aai54l |
wouldn't have missed this for
a great deal. l did not assemble
at the hotel parlors to-day to be
received by committee as mere
civilian guest. No. Il assembled
at the headquarters of the Putman
Phalanx, and insisted upon my
right-to to BE guarded to this place
as one of the military guests
(Aprlause and langhter.) For !,
too, am soldier. / am Injured to
war. l have military history. I
have been through a stirring cam
paign, ana there is not even
mention OF it in any history of the
United States or Of the Southern
Confederacy. Laughier.) To such
lengths can the envy and malignity
of the historian go. | will unbos-
ON myself here, where | cannot
but find sympathy. | will tell you
about it, aud appeal through you
to justice. In the earliest summer
days of the war stepped out OF
Hannibal, Mo-, by night Qaughte)
and joined a detachment of the
rebel General Tom Harris army
q find myself in a great minority
here) Up gorge behind an old
barn in Rails county, Colonel Rail-
swore us in. He made us swear
to uphold the flag and constitution
of the United States, and to de-
stroy any other military organiza-
ton we caught-doing the same
thing. Great laughter) In other
words, we were to repel Invasion.
We'll, you see, this mixed US
We could not really tell
which side we were on but we went
into camp and left it to the God of ba;-
tles-which was the custom in that day
was made second lieutenant and chief
mogul of a company of eleven men.
who didn't know anything about war
or anything. IEe had no captain
My friend, who was nineteen years
or six feet high, three feet wide ant
some distance through, and just out OF
the infant school was made orderl,
sergeant. His name was Ben Upper
and he had hard time. When ht
! oI 81, Il,
used to go to sleep and his horse
would reach around and bite his leg
and he would cry and curse and wan
to go home. The other men pestcret
him good deal, too. When they
were dismoun'ed they said they
couldn't march in double file with him
because his feet took up so much room
One night when we were around thu
camp fire, a fellow on the outside o
the circle, in the cold, said, "Ben Tup
per, put down that newspaper /; it cast.
shadow like blanket" Ben said
81 amt got any newspaper" TheI
the other fellow said, 90, see, its
your ear" Laughter.). We all slep
in corn-crib on the corn, and the rat.
were very thick. Ben Tupper hao
heen carefully and rigidly reared, ant
when he was ready tor bed he woulo
start to pray, and a rat would bite hin
on the heel. and then he would sit III
and swear all night (laughter) ane
keep everybody awake. He was towt
bred, and die not seem to have any
! correct idea OF military discipline. /
l commanded him TO shut up he woule
say, "Who was your higger last year 2
One evening ordered him to ride ou
on picket duty about three miles t,
the beginning Of q prairie. Said he
I'm the rain? p He dion't go again.
! Next day l ordered him on pickle
duty once more. This time he looked
hurt. Said he, ssWhat! on Sunday
You must be a burned fool" Pick
citing was impracticable, SO [ dropped
it from my military system I've lac
a good enough time there at that barn
barring the rain and the rats and tht
mosquitoes and things. We lived OF
both parties impartially, and boil
parties hated US impartially. But or'
day we heard that the invader wa.
approaching. so we had to pack vi
and move. Inside of 24 hours th'
invader was coming again SO WI
moved again. And next day he wa'
after US once more. We didn't like i
much, but we moved (father than te
make trouble). This went on for ;
week or ten days, and we saw consid
cradle scenery. Then Ben Tuppe
lost patience. He says, ''war is no
what it is cracked! up to be. Pm go
ing home if can't get chance to Sc
down a minute, why do these blame
people keep rs humping about so
Blame their skins do they think this
is an excursion?' Some Of tue othe
boys began to grumble. They com
planned that there was an insuffieiencJ
Eof umbrellas, and they compIaine.
that the WORCESTERSHIRE sauce wa.
out. There was mutiny and dissatis
faction all around, and, of course, here
came the enemy Fostering us again
two hours-more than two hours-be
fore breakfast, and no one wanted tt
!