The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-08-01
Wit and HumOr.

lady home.
WHEN dog is muzzled his bark is on
the tied.
MorTo for hardressers' association
"Never say dye"
WHEN is a small fish pond like bird
cage2 When there is perch in it.
Why should lady's home dress last
forever9 Because she never wears it out.
In Minneapolis debating club, a
wheeIwright is said to be the best spokes-
man.
"CoUID ye lind me the loan of . pipe
and tobackyl" said Pat. 81 have IA
match"
The kind of dentists this country
wants is those who extract teeth without
payin'.
THE man who never wore tight boots
is Counting the woman who never saw a
looking-giass.
THE man who is waiting for something
to turn up generally finds it when he
steps upon barrel hoop.
Why ought poultry keeping to be
most pr, titablc businessl Because for
every grain you give fowl it gives a
peck.
A PENNSYLVANIA tramp accepted job
to Saw two cords OF wood, and did it in
good style. The Mauch Chunck miracle
will have to take back seat
A GENTLEMAN whose purse was more
extensive than his education, wrote to
his agent for the key to his gait" The
agent sent him the whis-key!
THIS is the way the Oil City Derrick
puts it: AT Rome do as Romans do;
that is to say, get handorgan and a
sore eyed monkey and sail for America"
GEoRoE asks, "How late should a
young man remain at his sweetheart's
hou.ef" Depends entirely upon how
early in the evening the old man puts on
his slippers.
THE defnition of Webster Of bonnet
"a covering for the female head, y
ought to be remodeled into "a covering
for the vision of the man in the back
seat at the theatre"
PVT photograph in a room full of
women ut work ON one party dress, and
the language it will pour forth when the
crank is reversed will he less Ineligible
than Hottentot is.
The bitterness Of poverty is beginning
to be felt In the couutry as it never was
before. A man actually confessed in
market the other morning that he was
about to buy another dog.
TIVE six-foot-two young man who went
out IN Sundays rain in his new white
nj = Il inc f.,r a thrao
fool-and half circus dwarf who wants
to buy second hand clothing.
TALLEYRAND was lame, Madame de
Stael was cross-eyed. There was no love
lost between them, and both disliked to
be reminded of their niirmities. "Mon
sieur," said Madame, meeting her dear
est foe one day, show is that poor legF
"Crooked, as you Geo." was Talleyrand'.
reply.
A WITTY lady, who had several daugh-
tiers, the eldest Of which was married, on
being provoked by her soninlsw, said
"William, you needn't try to quarrel will
your mother-in-law. She knows wha
she is about, aud won't quarrel with &
daughters husband until az her girls ar,
Ndrried"
SnE used to meet him at the gate with
Hiss and a smile, like morning light
but now she comes to the door in dlngy
old calico wrapper, and shoes down al
the heel, shades her eyes with her HAND
and in voice that seems to need oiling
inquiries, add you bring that butter3"
WHEN you find man who claws over
all al the papers on the desk, look,
through the drawers, searches every peck
ct in his clothes and explores the regions
above his ears in search of his lead pen
Gil, and finally finds it between his teeth
don't lend him money-he is absen,
minded.
YoCSG lady, very much shocked: "Oh
ma, din you notice that insulting puppy
that has just passed usi looked at the
wretch until he got away. out of sight
and he had the impudeuce to stare a
me, the horrid thing, and just as h.
turned the corner he actually lifted his
hat and bowed"
Mus. SAITH, of Chicago, was insulted
not long ago by hotel clerk, and Mr.
Smith says that his first impulse was t.
buy pistol, seek the young man, and
blow out his alleged brains, but this he
finally determined not to do, as it would
be likely to interrupt his business. Dir
Smith WAS right. Business before pleas;
uTe, always.
IT was the proprietor Of an American
unch-counter who said, III care not who
makes the laws Of the country ii l may
make its sandwiches" And he flushed
hammering out the bottom of one, weld
ed the upper crust down to H., bsaxed
Oh. .d,... t.mnered il and laid il in IN,