The Cecil Whig., 1878-03-30
GLEANINGS.

"A Spanish proverb says, "The man
who on his wedding day starts as lieu
tenant in the family never gets promoted.
"A New York vagrant, who had been
fined regularly every week for begging, re-
quested the magistrate to fine him by the
year at reduced rate.
She makes all the conquests she
DESIRES" said a gentleman of reigning
belle to a lady. True" was the sharp
response, "but she'd give all her slaves for
one MASTER
"A woman quarrellng with her husband
told him she believed if she was to die he
would marry the DEVILS oldest daughter.
" The law does not allow man to marry
two sisters" replied the husband.
Asked why no asparagus was ever
grown in the gardens of Versailles, a
French Minister replied, "Asparagus takes
three years to attain maturity; and no
Ministry ever lasts so long in France"
A would be suicide wrote these farewell
words to his wife: "Dear Mary, when my
body is dragged out of the river they can
identify it by the linen patch you put in
the seat of my black cloth trowsers.'
1t is when a dry goods clerk of ninety
seven pounds weight attempts to help from
a farm wagon farmers wife of 203 pounds
weight, that the reporter sets himself con-
tentedly on the curb stone and waits for
the catastrophe.
-" What is editorial courtesy ?" asked
Southern paper. Why, it is when
Southern editor is caught stealing chickens
at midnight and his brothereditors kindly
allude to the matter as a "stlange freak Of
a somnambulst.
-"Speaking of riddles, Mr.. JONES'"
said Chicago landlord, "can you tell the
difference a between beef steak and a shin
gle?" No? Then I'll broil you shingle
hereafter every morning for break fast in
stead of beef steak.
Burning lather-''So there's another
rupture at Mount Vocferous," said Mrs.
Partington as she put down the paper and
put up her specs; "the paper tells US
about the burning lather running down
the mountain, but it don't tell how it got
on fire.
"A gentleman, on visiting Wordsworth S
home at Rydal- Mount, asked the servant to
show him "Mr. Wordsworths study" and
received this answer as she conducted him
into room in which were many books
"This is masters library; his study is out
of DOORS"
An Iowa judge says that a man may
legally kiss his hired girl if he can swear
he thought it was his WIFE This decision
is not sound. A man who kisses his hired
girl, and is detected by his wife, is always
prepared to "swear" And his "swears -
are frightful sometimes.
"A man went through the bankruptcy
court. He had owned fine horse and
gig, and they both disappeared for time,
but by-and-by the horse and gig were
doing service for the same owner again.
On being asked what it meant, the mans
reply was, " l went through the bankruptcy
court, but the horse and gig went round"
A few months ago one of the masters of
a country grammar school died. The
school building closed on the day of the
funeral. Johnny Smith spent the time in
playing by pond near the house. A few
days since his mother sent him to school
as usual, but Johnny preferred playing by
the pond, where he met his father, who
inquired why he was not at school. Johnny
said there was no school, and, when press
ed for reason, replied triumphantly,
That man is dead again.