The Osceola times., 1878-03-30

THE jig's up" were the last words Of
the man who died Of st. Vitus's dance.
ONE hundred years ago this month
Washington remarked " The work of
sand papering the fly specks from last
years maple sugar has begun Oil
City Derrick.
TIE Mediterranean has sunk one
third OF an inch since the opening Of the
Suez canal. We knew II had sunk, but
didn't think it had gone down like that.
-[Danbury News.
AN enthusiastic Indiana editor wrote,
after the convention, "The battle il now
opened" but, alssl the intelligent com.
pOsitor spelt battle" with an "o," and
his readers say they have suspected 1t all
along.
ACLorHIER has excited public curl
osity BY having large apple painted on
his sign. When asked for an explana-
tion, he inquired: "If It hadn't been
for an apple, where would the ready
made clothing stores be to-day"
A CANDID Kentucky editor advances
the suggestion that q special tax of i've
dollars on each pistol owned In the state
would heat the bell-punch plan for tax
alton all hollow. He wants to tax 'em
by the barrel, instead of by the drink.
TEACHER with reading class.-Boy
(reading)- y" Aud ss she sailed down the
river" Teacher" Why are ships
called she y Boy (precociously alive to
the responsibilities OF his sex)-" Be
cause they need men TO manage them"
THEintelligent compositor who quoted
the Rev. Tslmafe a. saying An honest
man IL the nobbiest WORK of God now
lies stiff and stark in the dank church.
yard mold, and the daisies are growing
all around, all around, and the daisies
are growing all around.
HERE il what was sung recently At a
religious meeting Of colored men:
"n you 49, Peter a.lesp at Dc gate
Iass oe u'ght bsio' he Va up % late.
Dat you'll zip psss bi@ and steal risSs in.
De angela always acts on d. sQuar';;
Dey know you here and dey'iI kpow you dsr.''
WE don't know more desolate, lone
some, friendless condition for poor fallen
humanity to fall into than to be an old
married man. waiting 10 see an old col
lege friend, in q parlor where the ttold col
lsge friends youngest daughter and \
drug clerk are wanting to crawl into the
same rocking chair, and talk lovey lovey
nd nosseam.-[ Burlington Hawkeye.
AND now comes the "spring opening"
when the khedive Of Egypt first looks
at his nine hundred brevet wives then at
his pocketb0ok, and then looks around
f.r an opening to spring into. At least,
we suspect he does. That Is the way We
phould feel about it Nine hundred new
spring bonnets at % per bonnet. would
make 'rightful chasm in our years
salary -Norristown Herald.
HER large, limpid, lustrous eyes filled
with big, billowy tears, Lurline leaned
over the dying auctioneer's pillow.
'Lurline, be sighed. feebly. AYE,
Alopso, she answered. 'Lurline, he
ssid, meet me in the sweet bay. and-buyP
His breath came fainter and with more
diAculty. In a moment more he Was
going, going, goneP He is dead, said
the doctor. Yes, be has gone, absolutely
and without reserve sobbed his wife .
"LucINDA's not q stylish woman"
said Creagle, describing his wife TO
long absent friend; "she's o. plain ~ the
handle of q jug, and there amt fat
enough about her 10 grease q watch, but
che can make biscuits that taste like in
spiration, and has a steamiDg breakfast
ready every morning before she dreams
Of disturbing my slumbers. tell you
she's woman that knows how to make
man happy and comfortable, If she don't
look like turtle dove In chrome"