Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1878-08-29
The Troubles Of a Poet.


The Troubles of q Poet.
While Col. Bangs, editor of the Ar
gus, Was sitting In his Office one day, q
man entered whose brow was clothed
with thunder. Fiercely seizing chair,
he slammed his hat on the table, hurl-
ed his umbrella on the floor, and sat
down.
Are you the editOr?' he said.
Yes
Can you read wiring?
'Of course
'Read that, then,' he said, thrusting
at the Colonel an envelope with an in
scription on it.
B said the Colonel, trying TO
spell it.
That's not B. It's an s. said the
man.
IS; o, yes; see! Well, the words
look little like Salt for Dinner or
Souls of Sinners said the Colonel.
No, sir replied the man, nothing
OF the kind! That's my name, Samuel
II. Bruner. l knew you couldn't
read. called to see you about that
poem OF mine you printed the other
day, on the 'Surcesse of Sorrow
Il dOn't,remember it, said the Colo
mel.
'Of course you DON'T because It
went into the paper under the title of
'Smearcase Tomorrow
a stupid blunder of the compOsitor's
L suppose
Yes, sir, that's what 1 want TO see
you about. The way In which that po-
EN- was mutilated was 5candalOus.
have not slept night since. 1t ex-
posed me to derisiOn. People think 1
am an ass. Let me show you.'
Go ahead said the Colonel.
The first line, when wrote 1t, read
In this wise:
Lying by weeping willow, underneath
gentle slope.
That is beautiful, poetic, affecting.
Now, how did your vile sheet present
it to the public? There 1t Isl Look at
that! Made it read this way:
Lying to weeping widow, to induce her to
elope."
Weeping widow, mind you! A wild
ow! o, thunder and lightning! This
is too much! It's enough to drive q
man crazy!'
Pm sorry,' said the Colonel; but
But look here, at the fourth verse;
said the poet. That's worse yet.
What | said was:
Cast thy pearls before the swine, and lose
them in the dirt
Il wrote that out clearly and dis
tinctly, In plain, round hand. Now,
what does your composition do? ID, es
he catch the sense of that beautiful SEN
timent: Does II sink into his sOnl?
No, sir! He sets II up In this fashion.
Listen:
Cast my pills before the sunrise, and love
them If they hurt
'Now, isn't that a cold-blooded out
'age on a mans feelings? Pll leave 1t
10 you If 1t isn't?'
IT'S hard, that's q fact,' said the
And then take the fifth verse In
he original manuscript 1t said, plain
Is daylight:
Take away the iingling money; it is only
glittering dross.'
"A man with only one eye, and
,ataract over that, could have read the
words correctly. But your pirate up
tairs there-dO you know what he
lid? He made it read:
Take away the jeering monkeys on sOrely-
glandered hOSs.'
BY George, felt like Draining him
With fire shovel! l was never was so
ut up in my life.'
1T was natural, too said the Colo-
el.
There, for instance, was the sixth
'erse. wrote:
am weary of the tossing of the ocean as it
heayes.
1t is lovely line, too; but imagine
,y horror, and the anguish of my fam.
y, when 1 opened your paper and
lw the lines transformed into
am wearing out my trowsers till they're
open at the knees
That's a little too much! That
GEMS to me like carrying the thing
q inch or two too far. think / have
constitutional right to murder shat
don't your
Il think you have
Let me read you one more verse. I
'rote:
swell the flying echoes as they roam among
the hills,
nd feel my soul awakened to the ecstacy
that thrills
Now what do you s'spose your mis-
able outcast turned that into? Why,
ito this:
smell the frying shoes as they roast along
the bulls,
nd peel my soul mistaken to the cccrtary
that whirls.'
'Gibberish, sir! Awful gib5erish!
ust slay that man. Where Is hep
He is out just now said the Colo
u. Come in Tomorrow
Il will said the poet; and l will
me armed
Then he put on his hat, shouldered
s umbrella, and drifted OF down
airs
DIR. e. 4. COBURN,