The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1878-05-07
COMICALITIES.

Lettuce, dandelion greens,
Radishes and juicy beets
New-laid eggs AMI fresh-born meats
Welcome, seasons of delight
Balmy days and breezy nights
Welcome, hale and hearty chills,
Doctors physi :, doctors bills!
St. Louis JOurndt
"WMAr makes the lamb love Mary soH"
The children all do cry;
Why Mary loves the lamb you know
Who don't love mutton-pe2
81. Louis journal
IT is beginning to be suspected that
DR.. Mary Walker pants for glory.
"WHAr is WISDOM" asked a teacher
of class of small girls. A bright-eyed
little creature arose and answered: " In
formation of the BRAIN"
The Burlington Haacheye is cautious
paper. 1t prints one or two metrical con-
tributions, and heads them "Some al
legged poetry"
Do LEWIS says man need not sneeze
unless he wants to. He has figured it
up, and finds that by not sneezing a man
can save nearly $ll year.-Danbuy
Necs.
WHEN the recording angel observes a
minister of the Gospel holding a nail be-
tween his fingers while he misses it with
a hammer, the trustworthy scribe drops
into brown study and pretends not to
hear anything.-7n'ner's Falls Reporter.
The Brooklyn Union-Argus finds on
the reverse side of the new silver dollar
an eagle in a spasm as if it had been
exposed two hours in an amateur shoot
ing match without being hit. - Wor-
cester Press.
MARK TWAIN named his dog Joe
Cook, because he could not understand
him. But classical man out in
Venice, ILL.,, has christened his cat
Othello. or the Newer of Venice.-Bos-
ton Globe.
AN editors wife never goes through
her husbands other trousers pockets to
strike package of love letters. Editors
are not like the wicked, unfaithful men
of the world-editors rarely have the
other trousers-CatsiW Recorder.
A BRIGHT little girl not long since was
urging her mother to 60 up stairs and
hear her say her prayers before retiring.
Her mother, not finding it convenient,
told her that Jesus could hear them ust
as well, "But, mother, Jesus can't turn
off the gas"
Mrs. CADy STANTON; recently, refus-
ing !. e deferred by a severe storm.
rode twenty-four miles to lecture in St.
Charles, MINI. We have always coun-
seled small cities like st. Charles to be
careful about offending Mrs. Stanton
Puck.
The househy crawls out Of his crevice
in the wall, and with wings still stiff and
feeble, begins to practice flying at a
mark. In another week he will be him
self again, and able to hit mans nose
ninety-seven times out of every hum
dred.-I"ck.
A YOUNG apprentice to the shoemak-
ing business asked his master what an
swer he should give to the often-repeat-
ed question, "Does your master warrant
his shoes?" ANSWER, Thomas" said
the master, that | warrant them to
prove good, and if they don't FL make
them good for nothing"
THERE is said to exist bird on the
North Carolina coast, provided with
phosphorus under the wings and on his
breast, that he fishes along the edge of
the water at night by the light the phos-
phorus affords him when he opens his
wings and the feathers on his breast.
On the 18th ult. book canvasser fell
down the depot stairs at Danbury and
broke hisleg, an insurance agent in Mon
roe lost two fingers in hay cutter, and a
tree peddler in Brooktield was knocked
down and run over by meat cart. We
propose that the 18th OF March be made
a legal holiday.-Danbuy Nescs.
CHOW, my boy" said the examiner if
| had a mince-pie and should give two
twelfths of it to John, two-twelfths to
Isaac and two-twelfths to Harry and |
should take half the pie myself, what
would there be left? Speak out loud,
so that all can hear" "The plateo'
shouted the boy.
THE other night an old rooster got up
and went to certain closet to feel for a
certain bottle, but in the darkness he got
hold of flask containing kerosene Oil,
and after taking healthy old gulp OF
the same, went to bed. He didn't rest
very we'll, spdt SIed1 ueai, anu ni",'J
said they couldn't make the same whisky
now they did forty years aeo.-Bwl'ng-
ton Haykeye.
The incoming and outgoing Mr.
Giles: Mark my words. Styles, this ERE
congriss won't come to nothing; wot
with them furriners one and another, we
shall ave a real war, and then won't we
ave income tax! Styles: Nob-but
doubt, Mister COLES, but what worrlts
me more is that we won't ave no II
ome!--Fun.
Mr.. BARNUM's hippopotamus is dead
Mr.. Barnum has our deepest and mos
heartfelt sympathy. But in this darl
hour of sorrow he should be consoleo
with the thought that such heart-deso
lating bcreayements are not uncommon
visitors Hippopotamus after hippopta
mus departs. Who has not lost hippo
potamus?- Chicago Times.
Jewels of the Grown OF Scotland.
At Edinburg, Scotland, some year
since the Jewels of the crown were iocke'
in box, that box in another, and so on