West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-03-09
EVERYDAY SPICERIES.

EVERYDAY SPlCERIES.
NEW YoRK Commercial: Dancing
masters seldom have any money, but
they're always taking steps to raise
some.
Striking observation of the Rochester
Democrat: "To the Chicago boss tailors.
! Render unto Scissors the things that are
| Scissors"
LOVE is an intoxicaton.-C CincinndG
Commercial. Yes, but few years of
matrimony will sober you up.-Frdnk-
| tH PdtriOt.
PHILADELPHIA Post: In reference to
the recent great fall of snow i'm Russia
! it may be of interest to know that the
Car has not sent one of his best diplo-
mats TO ShouveloiG the steppes.
A French wit says that the gibbct is
n species of flattery To the human race.
Three or four persons are hung from
time to time for the purpose of making
the rest believe that they are yirtu0us.
New York Star: A reward of five
hundred dollars has been offered at Har-
risburg for the recovery OF missing
member of the Legislature. And every
old maid in Pennsylvania now looks
under her bed before retiring.
BosToN Globe: 1t is related of Artemus
Ward that he used to laugh all the
time he was writing" The st. Louis
Globe Democrat paragraphist leaves the
laughter 10 his scissors, which keeps up
a constant snick, snick, snicker.
THRICE is he armed who hath his quarrel Just.
And four times he who gets HIS blow in FIRST.
--CiHcfnHdii Brodkfaa Table
But solid right I'm town, o. X IL he
Who gets the others head In chanceree
Huntington HaUkcys.
New YoRK Commercial Advertiser:
An Alabama negro magician, who
claimed TO be lcad-proof invited several
fellow Africans 10 shoot at him the other
day. The obsequies were very plain and
unpretentious
DETROIT Free Press: A Turkish
soldier having ona fur cap is supposed to
be comfortably clad, no matter if he has
no coat nor vest. Keep the ears warm
and you warm the whole body" is the
Turkish and Milwaukee maxim.
WORCESTER Press a letter was re-
ccivcd at Southbridge, addressed TO tho
" Superintendent OF the Water Works"
AS that village is without water works,
the matter was after much delibcration,
sent TO the pastor Of the Baptist Church.
THE POET WHO DIED OF BEAUTIFUL SNOW.
'Is the editor in 2" asked a long haired youth,
As into the fancium he strobe;
" n he is, must sec him nc once, foTsOoth,
For wish % sell him an ODE
| Straight up 10 the EDITORS desk he strobe,
Took q scat with ohild-like smile,
And said tO the editor, Z" have an ode
On the beautiful" but the bilO
OF the editor rose aud he smote tho bard
On his cheek terrible blow,
Aud kicked him out Ia the Office back yard,
To die In the beautiful snow.
! DETROIT Free P,ess: T. r. Barnum
never felt bad over any Of his failures
| except one. He offered FIVE dollars 10 get
! his wood-cut in Webster's Dictionary,
and the publishers scorned him, though
they were putting in wolves and buzzards
| for nothing.
/ The Worcester Press referring 20 the
/ statement that the widow Of President
Tyler recently appeared in court rs
plaintiff in n rent suit, says 1T is re-
proach 10 the Republic that the widow
OF an ex-president hadn't q whole suit
10 appear in.
IN calm and trustful confidence tho missionary eat,
while tho energetic sexton was a-passing round the
The services we're over and now bad como tho
To give an opportunity 70 help along the cause;
But yainly went the sexton teetering up and down
In ai that congregation no one recognized the nlo
The missionary bat returned as empty as II went;
He'd been preaching 70 on audience that wouldnt
oer the parsons face there aitted disappointed
A. from The solemn sexton bis empty hat ho took;
Then smiling the audience no returned 10 70 the
] rnck,
with the words. I'm very thankful that f'vo got
nay heayer back" ---Hoypey's DraVo.
Harper's Magazinc: Apropos Of the
revival Of the question OF future state
Of punishment, which is just now oc-
cupying 80 much Of the time and pens
of clergymen and editors, the following
contribution TO the Drawer, from
clever brother in New, Jersey, seems
particularly "pat" Some years ago
there lived in Hightstown, New Jersey,
young man named Clark Hutchinson,
TO the manor born" He was a car
riagc-buider, and an expert workman,
but was also jack-at-all-trades," al
ways ready TO leave his legitimate bus
mess and engage i'm anything new that
turned up The Univcrsalists had q
church I'm town, and Hutchinson became
n leading man in the society He was
fond Of controversy, and on one Occa-
sion was expOunding the tenets Of his
faith with much energy % a crowd on
q street corner. when "Jim" Norris. n
well-to-do blacksmith, who was listening
with much interest, broke i'm with
Make it strong, Clarky, make 10 strong,
Jor hcrc's a good many Of Us a-dpendiR' on
H."
MosT Of our misfortunes are more