West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-03-30
The Ailing Man.
lBurlinston Ha~ktsSl

lBurlinston HasktyS.l
had such pleasant companion on
my way home from Aurora. He got or
at Bristol and took dinner at the Z" Cos
mopolitan." He sat with me at Dime,
and didn't seem to have much appetite
He groaned when he took up the bill OF
fare, and sighed as he looked across the
table at my order, and then shook his
head dolefully and told the waiter 10
bring him little boiled trout, with erg
sauce; a bit of boiled mutton, with
caper sauce; some roast beef, trihe
rare; just a taste of roast lamb. turkey
with cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes
roast duck, some pork and beans, Boston
style; stewed tomatoes, corn, turnips
squash, peas, and bit of cold tongue,
some sharp relishes and a cup of coliee.
Then he ordered some assorted cake.
cranberry pie, Indian pudding and ice
cream for dessert, and said he felt n
darned sight more like dying than eat
ing.
IL he dies as well as he eats, Just i'm
agine, just think, what glorious.
triumphant death that man will die.
Shortly after dinner the poor man
came into the coach and sat down op-
posite me.
"Ah," he said, with deep groan: "f
don't know what wouldn't give If |
could eat like YOU"
"SirW / said, in fine burst of indir
nation, for feared he was going To ac
cuse me of swallowing my knife every
time | took bite OF pie, and | lust
made up my mind that | would cut
his heart out if he hinted at such
thing.
ooh, It's fact" he replied. al
haven't enjoyed meal for years"
Was 1T possibleP / asked in amaze
ment.
" Indeed, yes" he said. "Pm all out
fix. I've got no liver at all, 20 speak Of"
didn't suppose one liver would be of
any account to him. | rather thought
that II he could get a couple of gangs of
livers, and work them by reIieis, they
might be able TO help him along, espe-
clally If he had them made of tin. But
then he was stranger To me, so / didn't
feel justified in making the suggestion.
No." he continued, "my liver is no
more account than a lump of lead.
suppose" he said plaintively, otis ms
big an four OF youfs.O
And he looked at me with an appeal
ing glance, as though he expected me to
take my liver out and let him examine
1T, as though IL were an orOide which he
wanted to trade for.
Now, II there Is anything in this wide,
beautiful world that will make me mad.
1T rs to have man who is ailing sit down
and bore me with list of his diseases
and q detailed description of his anatom-
zeal arrangements And the men of
free America, it seems TO me, would
rather talk about their perishing livers
than their never-dying souls, and it al
ways makes me mad for q man TO come
at me and burden me with complaints
about the tOrpidity of his liver, as
though i were his physician. | am
proud TO confess to the blindest, dei1s-
est ignorance concerning my own inner
life. don't know whether my liver is
round or shaped like gun case, and |
don't know where il is, and don't care
continental, although always had the
imprt ssion that il was Just under the
shoulder blades. So | said TO the man
with very great enthusiasm
"Oh, do tell me all about your liver !
should 80 like TO know all about il. /
am 80 interested in such things"
The man looked little surprised at
my sudden enthusiasm, but he said
there wasn't much To tell about il. 1t
was as torpid, he said, as snake in De
cember.
ooh, charming, charmingp ] ex-
claimed. And is it tame7 Do you
let it run around loose or do you have
to keep it chained up?
The stranger stared, and looked as
though he would like TO sit little
further away. He said he didn't Just
exactly understand me.
And how is your spleen9 asked
eagerly, and your ventricles? And do
tell me about your thoracic duct, and
how do you get alone with your t0nsils ?
And have you raised any new bones
since ! saw you last7 and when did YOU
hear from your diapraghm? DO tell me
all about all your viscera; make a
clinic Of yourself, and tell me the
Christian names Of all your bones and
the appurtenances tbereunto appertain-
ing. Tell me"
But he got up and slowly backed out
Of the car, and the conductor shortly
afterward told me that the man with
liver told him that the man who escaped
from the asylum at Jacksonville ias
week was in the rear coach.