The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1878-07-31
JUSTIFIABLE FICTION

1t is absolutely essential to a Califor-
man entering London society, that he has
slain at least grizzly bear. This is ex-
pected and required Of him. Once | be-
came garruous over my old camp and
mountain life. Said an English lady.
"But you must have been afraid of wild
beasts, all alone in the forest.
laughed merry laugh of derision.
"Did you ever kill wild Peast2" asked
the tender Driton.
/ have never killed anything larger
than squirrel in mylife. Several times
before had been asked this question.
With an over conscientious regard for
veracity I had answered, "Nay." At
once I sunk in popular estimation. Here
was the crisis again Three young ladies
were anxiously waiting my answer two
of them lincal descendants of William
the Corqueror. They expected me to be
Nimrodish.
said to myself, "strict veracity and
must party company for while. Strict
veracity keeps me from shining. The
British public expect bold, startlin.
deeds from, dweller in the western
wilds Of America. The British public
shall not be disappointed. | must launch
a slain wild beast upon them. 1t shall
figure prominently at all social gather
ings l will tell the story SO oftcu that
I will believe it myself. I will also
hint vaguely of some dark and dreadful
deed all my own. In social converse my
countenancc shall fall suddenly; | shall
hesitate; dreadful reccollection shall,
for the moment, seem to overWhelm me,
l will recover; will shake it off; | will
be myself again"
I commenced my new career that
same evening l said had once killed
a coyote. brought the beast out mod
estly, as though to ME there was nothing
particularly brave or meritorious in the
act.
"And what is coyote?' asked the
lady. Should I say it was Il mean, sneak
ing, cowardly animal, with roar like a
lion, and more dangerous than a grizzly?
I said that single one had been
known to put a whole village to flight.
and in his merciless career, he spared
neither age, sex nor responsibility. l
told how I had slain one after desper-
ate fight. I showed one scar, where I
had run a jack-knife into my hand when
boy.
My success astonishes and dazzles nc
These innocent British maidens are so
hungry for stories OF this description, it is
unkind to deny them. I am now a hero.
I retouch and re-embeilish the tale for
every new party. Eventually I am to
bring out a grizzly and an Indian -slai:,
both in single combat. These little fc-
tions are justiiable They amuse, they
interest, they are expected. The end
justifes the means.
The American Of the further West, in
the respectable British imagination, is a
reckless, bloodthirsty, impetuous, viz
dictive being, hung with shooters and
bowie knives Seated between two gen
tlemen one evening, at a socia! gathering,
the conversation ran thus: ~ &
Are you an Americana"
81 am an American o Californian"
"Ah! and it is true that your people on
the frontier have SO many rows!'
"Much that is said is true'
'And have you ever killed q man?n
started; J. thought there was an in
tent to quiz me. No. The queristswere
two honest, innocent English artists, who
deemed that nearly everything in the
universe worth knowing Or seeing was to
be found in London and that all human
ity living without the happy, blessed
boundaries Of England led a vague.
wretched sort Of existence.
I hesitated in my answer. Perhaps
one of the gentlemen mistook that hesita-
ton for the momentary confusion of
remorse, as memory, agitated by such a
question, run over its long lists Of victims.
He apologized. I said then that I had
never killed anybody I DO not think 1
was believed. My delay in answering,
and my apparent confusion, however,
raised me in their estimation. They now
held me as a Western desperate, too
modest to confess his crimes. The Eng
lish have quite a passion for the Occi-
dental ruffian
s. I saw now so wildly how great had
been my neglect to have lived full sixteen
years in the toughest, widest, most law
less camps in California without killing
OF 1OClols OlC 1uctn, W l1dtC' llVCu NuClC iuC
shooting scrape" was a semi-weekly in
stitution; where every one went 'heeled'
with derringers, knives end revolvers
where the great pierglass behind the bar
at the Long Tom saloon was trebled in
value by the bullet holes in it, sent hither
during a controversy between DR.. B. and
the sheriff. / now mourned neglected
opportunities. could not,truthfuily say.
II, too have slain PeIuvian!"
"But there is great deal Of shooting
and eating among your people?" re-
marked the gentleman.
I perceived that these men were hun
cry for q meal Of wild, Western bloody
fiction. It was cruel to deny them. a'a
said: "Certainly. We shoot much.
We shoot often. We shoot socially. II
for instance, the com pany are sitting about
the stove in the rifle saloon, and tno con-
versation flags, and things are generally
dull nothing is more common than for a
gentleman to get up, stretch himself
draw his revolver, cock il, flourish il above
his head, and proclaim himself another
royal Bengal tiger Of the southern mines
Then are heard ten or twelve short,
sharp reports. The lights are blown out
by the conclusions. The rival Bengal ii
gers shoot about at random, in the dark
and hit everybody save themselves. The
/ III hurt norton nt fhn corn panu ccro n, ~ Il