St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-08-02
Our New York Letter.

NEW YORK, July %, 1873.
To the Editor of the CaIedOnidn:
There is crying need in this city for
Burglars Blue Ribbon Total Absti-
nence Society,"" by which the condition
of this class might be ameliorated, and
the dangers of their arduOus calling in
some degree lessened. No one can fail
to sympathize with the sorrows of this
OverwOrked profession, the members of
which gain their daily bread through
the labOrious use of pistol and ''jimmy,'
frequently exposed to the damp night
air, the teeth of the vicious watch dog,
the bullet of the reckless aud quarrel
some householder, and the officious
Notwithstanding screech of the sud
denly awaking female. To these perils,
also, the unobservant and purely theo-
retical writer on the subject might, per-
haps, add another springing from the
existence OF the police force. But this
would be such an error as could only
arise from fundamental misapprehen
sion of the nature of the force, at least
in this city. The New York policeman
is entirely harmless and inOffensive, eX-
cept toward women and children. He
fully recognizes that the burglar is a
man and brother, born ''free and
equal" in strict accordance with the
provisions of the Constitution. He,
tharafnra faalS II hiS 1nty IN ayarciSa
toward the latter the largest spirit of
liberation, and makes it point never
to interfere with him, if possible. Moth
ing short of burglars running vio-
lently into policeman, or shooting at
him will attract the latter's attention.
Then, indeed, fOrbearance ceases to be
a virtue, and the blue-coat, unless I'M
usually long suffering, sometimes shoots
back, generally taking care, however,
to lodge his bullet in the person of
some third party by way of avoiding
accidents.
1t may thus be seen that my enumer-
alton of the ordinary risks of the cracks
mans vocation was tOlerably complete,
but unfortunately, new and extraOr-
dinaIy one has arisen, which seems to
demand the immediate remuneration of
the flowing bowl by the Fraternity.
And this was the way of it.
When those lucky folks with money
go out of town for the summer, they
lock up their houses and leave them as
dainty tit-bits for the burglars, who,
deeply appreciative of the implied invi-
tatiOn, usually drop in occasionally dur
ing the summer and gratefully remove
such articles as they chance to need or
! fancy. Thus it was with a Mr.. Sweezy,
whose family have been for the past
month or so cooling themselves by the
sad sea waves, and who during this
period has been in the habit of making
hebdOmadal visits to his deserted city
!, mansion for the purpose, presume, of
seeing how rapidly his valuables dis
appeared. On his last tour of inspec-
ton Tuesday morning, Mr.. Sweezy
found the basement door off it's hinges,
, and mounting to his own apartment
f discovered two men sprawled upon his
own bed, both with their boots on and
both snoring disgracefully. Scattered
upon the floor was very miscellaneous
litter, comprising among other things,
five large, empty but still odorous
champagne bottles. Mr.. Sweezy took
in the situation at glance, and became
instantly indignant at the fragrant
breach both of hospitality and good
manners of which his visitors had been
guilty. Leaving friend to watch the
latter, he at once sailed forth, and
: meeting two policemen, succeeded in
convincing them that they would be
5 justified i'll apprehending burglars who
had so far forgotten themselves as to
get hOpelessly drunk and go to bed
with their boots on. The latter were,
therefore gently awakened, and, on re-
S covering partial consciousness, request
/ ed the officers, in accents thick, to ''open
anozzer bottle" This demand was,
=, however, not complied with but, on
the contrary, the bibulOus burglars
1 themselves were shaken up like a gin
cocktail and marched off to the station
house, whence they will emigrate to
Sing Sing via the County Court room.
This is why say there is need for a
temperance crusade among the burg
lars ; and Mr.. John B. Cough is hereby
respectfully invited to prepare lecture
| especially suited to their needs.
. A scheme which if not entirely prac-
tlcaOle Is at least a SeaSOnable and
e pleasant one to discuss this warm
4 weather, is Prof. Schroeders proposed
:: balloon trip to Europe, a feat which if
l its projectors plans are successful, will
2 be attempted within few weeks. Ever
} since the Graphic newspapers memo
rable balloon tizzle, projects of this kind
7 have been received by the public with
l plying and incredulOus contempt, and
) Schroder's forms no exception to the
7 rule. And yet this experienced aronaut
3 feels as certain of the success of his
present undertaking as though no fail
5 ures had preceded it. He claims to
have discovered as the result of wears
) of study and observation, that there are
2 two elevated air currents, one above
another, the lower of which blows con-
I tinually from west to east and the upper
, one in the reverse direction. Ali he
) has to do is to raise his balloon to the
) one or the other by means of fans work
l ed by magnetic engine, and then slip
2 quietly across the ocean in forty weight
2 hours. He says that just as soon as he
l has made his trial trips, he is going to
7 get up a company and build air-ships
enough to establish regular service
between the two continents, two dav
, starting from either side and carving
mails and passengers, thus defying sea
: sickness and reducing the swift ocean
, steamers to the despised level of slow
freight boats. Wish he would complete
) his arrangements before the close of
| fhn mic &ha4 f.