The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1878-08-08
UNSUITABLE FICTION

UNSUITABLE FICTION
From the Overland.
| 1t is absolutely essential to Califor-
MAN entering London society, that he has
slain at least grizzly bear. This is ex-
pected and required of him. Once be-
came garrulous over my old camp and
mountain life. Said an English lady.
''But you must have been afraid of wild
beasts, all alone in the Forest
laughed a merry laugh of derision.
ibid you ever Kill wild beast?" asked
the tender Briton.
I have never killed anything larger
than squirrel in my life. Several times
before had been asked this question.
With an over conscientious regard for
veracity I had answered, "Nay.n At
once I sunk in popular estimation. Here
was the crisis again. Three young ladies
we're anxiously waiting my answer--two
of them lineal lesce ndants of William
the Corqueror. They expected me to be
Nimrodish.
said to myself, "Strict veracity and
I must party company for while. Strict
veracity keeps me from shining. The
British public expect bold, startling
deeds from a dwelier in the western
wilds of America. The British public
shall not be disappointed. l must launch
slain wild beast upon them. It shall
figure prominently at all social gather
ings. will tell the story SO ofteu that
| will believe it myself. I will also
hint vaguely of some dark and dreadful
deed all my own. In social converse my
countenance shall fall suddenly; I shall
hesitate; dreadful Recollection shall,
tor the moment, seen to overwhelm me.
l will recover; will shake it off; l will
be myself again"
l commenced my new career that
same evening. | said had once killed
coyote. brought the beast out mod
estly, as though to ME there was nothing
particularly brave or meritorious in the
act.
"And what is Il coyote!" asked the
lady. Should say it was mean, sneak
ing, cowardly animal, with roar like
lion, and more dangerous than grizzly?
l said that single one had been
known to put whole village to flight,
and in his merciless career, he spared
neither age, sex nor responsibility. /
told how l had slain one after desper-
ate fight. / showed one scar, where l
had run jack knife into my hand when
boy.
My success astonishes and dazzles me-
These innocent British maidens are so
hungry for stories o. this description. it is
unkind to deny them. | am now hero.
l retouch and rc-embellish the tale for
every new party. Eventually l am TO
Bring out grizzly and an Indian-slai1
both in single combat. These little fic-
tons are justitiable. They amuse, they
interest, they are expected. The end
justifies the means.
The American of the further West, in
the respectable British imagination, is
reckless, bloodthirsty, impetuous, via
dictive being, hung with six-shooters and
bowie knives. Seated between two gen.
tlemen one evening, at q social gathering,
the conversation ran thus:
Are you an Americana
~ am an Americana Californian"
"Ah. and il is true that your people ON
the frontier have so many rows!H
much that is said is trucn
"And have you ever killed a man3''
started; thought there was an In
tent to quiz me. No. The querists were
two honest, innocent English artists, who
deemed that nearly everything in the
universe worth knowing or seeing was to
be found in London and that all human
ity living without the happy, blessed
boundaries of England led vague,
wretched sort of existence.
l hesitated in my answer. Perhaps
one of the gentlemen mistook that hesita-
ton for the momentary confusion of
remorse, as memory, agitated by such a
| question, run over its long lists of victims.
He apologized. said then that / had
never killed anybody. do not think l
was believed. Ny delay in answering,
and my apparent confusion, however,
raised me in their estimation. They now
held me as a Western despcrado, too
modest to confess his crimes. The Eng
Esh have quite passion for the Occi-
dental ruffian.
| saw now so wildly how great had
been my neglect to have lived full sixteen
years in the toughest, widest, most law
less camps in California without killing
at least one man: to have lived where the
shooting scrape" was q semi-weekly in
.stitusion, where every one went .sheeled-
with derringers, knives and revolvers;
where the great pierglass behind the bar
at the Long Tom saloon was trebled in
value BY the bullet holes in il, sent hifhcr
during q controversy between DR.. B. ani
the sheriff. / now mourned neglected
opportunities / could not truthfu;ly saw.
Il, too have slain Peruvian
But there is great deal of shostinp
and cutting among your peoples- re-
marked the gentleman
perceived that these men were hun
CRY for q meal Of Wild, Western bloody
hction- 1t was cruel to deny them.
said: aCertaiply. We shoot much.
We shoot often We shoot socially. If
for instance. the CON 1any are sitting about
the stove IN tie rile saloon, and the ooo-
versasion faeh and thiAss are generally