River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1878-01-10
Three Literary Fellows.

Three Literary Fellows.
at the Atlantic Monthly BANQUET to
the poet Whittier; given in Boston the
other evening, Mark Twain made the fol
lowing speech
Mr.. CHAIRMAN: This is an occasion
peculiarly meet for the digging up OF
pleasant "reminiscences concerning literary
folk; therefore | will drop lightly into
history myself. Standing here on the
shore of the Atlantic, and contemplating
certain Of its biggest Literary pillows,
am reminded of a thing which happened
to me fifteen years ago, when had just
succeeded in stirring up little Neyadian
literary ocean puddle myself, whose
spume flakes were beginning to blow
thinly California-wards. / started an in
spection tramp through the southern
mines of California. ! was callow and
conceited, and rerolved to try the yir-
tue of my nom de plume. ] very soon
had an opportunity. l knocked at a
miners lonely log cabin in the foot hills
of the Sierras just at night-fall 1t was
showing at the time. A jaded, melan-
oholy man of fifty, bare footed, opened to
me When he heard my nom de plume
he looked more detected than before.
He let me in-pretty reluctantly thought
and after the customary bacon and
beans, black coffee and hot whisky,
took pipe. This sorrowful man had
not said three words up to this time. Now
he spoke up, and said in the voice of one
who is secretly suffering: "You're the
10, a 1pfb
whatn> said l. "The fourth literary man
that's been here in twenty-four hours
I'm a going to move'' "You don't tell
me :" said I. "And who were the 9th
ersl" "Mr. Longfellow, Mr.. Emerson,
and Oliver Wendell Holmes-dad fetch
the lott"
You can easily believe that l was in
terested. supplicated-three hot
WHISTLES did the rest and finally the
melancholy miner began. Said he:
They came here Just at dark yesterday
evening and l let them in, of course.
Said they were going to Yo Semitic. They
were rough lot-but that's nothing
everybody looks rough that travels afoot.
Mr.. Emerson was a seedy little bit of a
chap-red headed. Mr.. Holmes was as
fat as a balloon-he weighed as much as
three hundred, and had double chins all
the way down to his stomach. Mr.. Long
fellow was built like prize-fghter. His
head was cropped and bristly-like as if
he had wig made of hair brushes. His
nose lay straight down his face, like a
finger with the end joint tilted up. They
had been drinking could see that
And what queer talk they used Mr..
Holmes inspected the cabin, then he took
me by the button hole, and says he
Through the deep caves of thought
| hear a voice that sings:
Build thee more stately mansions,
o my sOul?"
Says |, Il can't afford il, Mr.. Holmes,
and moreover [ don't want to-" Blamed
if liked it pretty we'll either, coming
from a stranger, that way. However,
started to get out nay bacon and beans,
when Mr.. Emerson comes and looks on
awhile, and then he takes me aside by the
button-hole and saws:
GIVE me agates for my meat;
Give me cantharids to eat;
From air and oceens bring me foods,
From all zones and attitudes"
Says ]. "Mr Emerson, if you'll excuse
me, this amt no hotel.n You see it sort
of riled mel warn't used to the ways OF
literary swells. But ! went on a. sweating
over my work, and next comes Mr.. Long
fellow and button holes me and inter
rupts me. Says he:
Honor to be Mudiewis!
You shall hear how Pau Puk Keewis-".
But | broke in, and says /, Begging
your pardon, Mr. Longfellow, if you'll be
so kind as to hold your yawp for about
five minutes and let me get this grub
ready, you'll do me proud" Well, sir,
after they'd filed up set out the jug,
Mr.. Holmes looks at it, and then he fires
up all of sudden and wells:
Flash out a stream OF blood-red winei
For would drink to other days
BY George, / was getting kind OF
worked mp. / don't deny it, | was get
ting kind of worked up. / turns to Mr.
Holmes, and says /, s'Look here my fat
friend. I'm running this shanty, and il
| the court knows herself, you'll take whisky
straight, or you'll go dry Them's the
| very words / said to him. Now, didn't
want to sass such famous littery people
but you see they kind of forced me
| There amt nothing unreasonable bout
me; | don't mind a passed. Of guests a
! trcadin' en- my tail three or four tunes
but when it comes to standing on it it's
different, and if the court knows herself
! yod'll take whisky straight or youth &C
dry. Well, between drinks they'd swell
around the cabin and strike attitudes and
spout. Says Mr.. Longfellow:
@This is the forest primeval.n
Says Mr.. Emerson.
Here once the embattled farmer stood,
And fired the SHOT heard round the world.
Says /, 20, BLACKBOARD the premises as
much as you want tot don't cost 3
cent Well, they went on drinking, and
pretty soon they got out a greasy old deck
and went to playing cut-throat euchre Al
! ten cents a corner-on trust. begun tC
notice some pretty suspicious things. Nr
Emerson dealt, looked at his hand, shook
his aead, and says.
.1aM the doubter and the doubt
| And calmly punched the hands and weEt
- shuiiing for new lay ont. Says he:
Thev reckon iii who leaves me out,
TfaeS knoN not we'll Isle subtle ways
keep. ] pass. and deal egaia z
Hang'd if bic didn't go ahead and de- it