The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-08-15
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
DRESS neatly at all times.
THE suns raise: Precipitation.

DRESS neatly at all times.
THE suns raise: Precipitation.
A L1rE-PREsERvER: A good doctor.
A SLOW match: Marriage after ten
years engagement.
Isn't it odd that the sons of toll have
on them tons of soil?
The man who pays promptly is en-
titled to good deal of credit.
A MAN in convict's garb is a distin-
guished- looking person. 1t is for that
striped clothes are worn.
A TACK points Heavenward when it
means the most mischief. 1t has many
human imitators.- Cincinnati BreaE-
fast Table.
REMARK by Wendell Phillips: eff we
gain in the coming fifteen years half as
much as we have in the last thirty,
woman will hold spear and shield in
her own hands,"
A NUMBER of the leading ladies of
Chicago are meditating plan for the
founding of q Home for Inebriate
Women, similar to the Washingtonian
Home in that city.
THEY were having family set-to,
and she asked him if there was any
thing in the past he would like to re-
call, and he heartlessly answered:
Yes, the day you first refused me.''
DID you ever notice that the ragged
er and frayeder the neck-band of your
shirt grew. the more starch the wash
erwoman put into it, and the harder
and glossier she ironed it?-BwrIingson
HasOk-Eye.
OLD Sol strikes with caire. A gentle
stroke for an editaire, a livelier one for
counsellaire, and good square dose
for an old doctaire. He strikes us all
in the open air and even in our bed
chambaire. Post.
If Washington had been a watch
maker, it is just possible even he would
have INDUCED in the monotonous re-
frain, "Well, it needs cleaning" at
each and every time-piece presented
for his inspection. Transcript.
AN editor is pretty certain to lose a
| patron when his foreman inadvertently
puts a marriage notice under the head
of Another Swindle Come to Light"
The groom, instead of accepting the
blunder as a new sample of American
humor, gets awfully mad and wants to
murder neutrality-suspicious. Herald.
A BEDBUG caused the fire which near
ly destroyed Enterprise, Miss, recent
~. A man by lamp light was trying
to rid his couch of vermin, hence the
contlagration. The Chicago cow is
avenged. Insurance companies will
Immediately amend their policies by
inserting bedbug clause.-N. o. Pea
yune.
AN idiotic minister up in Bath, Me-,
prayed earnestly at a funeral in behalf
of the "bereaved husband and the one
to come who shall fill the place made
vacant by the death of our deceased
sister," And a Chicago business man
has written a poem to his native town
beginning enthusiastically:
Hail, all hail-haunts of my childhood
Spot where my brother was buried
1T is said on good authority, and it is
fact which has to do with the evolu-
ton theory and ought to be brought to
the notice of Darwin ut once. but the
watch dog makes no mistakes-thc
watch dog is really bigger at night than
in the day time. When asked for an
explanation of this mysterious fact in
physiological science a learned man re-
piled that watch dog is let out at
night and taken in in the day time.-N.
Y. Herald.
"IHAvE calculated" said the emf
nent arithmetic-man, "that the aver
age man speakes three hours a day, at
the average speed of 100 words min
ute-say twenty-nine octave pages an
hour, or 600 u week; consequently, in
the course of q year, the average man
talks tifty-two large volumes. Sir y
said one of the audience, a man of scant
respect for the sex to which he owed his
mother" does your calculation'apply
also to women?'' cit does, SIR" cold.
ly replied the eminent arithmetic-man
"all you have to do is this" and he
puts All after the 50.
THEY were in the parlor together.
The light had gone out, and they stood
at the window in the radiance of the
moon. He had his arm about her, and
was looking dreamily at the Queen OF
Night. Softly he spoke: Darling,
am thinking how happy we will be in
our home when we are married. II
shall be pretty home, and you shall
be its dear little mistress. We will
have little parlor and little dining
room, and little kitchen for you te
manage. We shall be there all by our.
selves, and we shall be happy, my dar.
ling" "Oh, Henry" she respondent
ly uttered, II thought we were going
to board.'' There were tears in hei
eyes for him to kiss away, but he lei
her remove them with what facilities
she could command -Danbury NeUs.
j. o. ELDR1DGE, the well-knowr
auctioneer of the firm of H. NJ. New
hall & Co., of this city, writes to the
Virginia Enterprise the following note
"a gentleman called my attention tt
an item in your paper regarding lac
whose arm had been amputated, and
what he suffered, and the removing o.
the same and its results. Fifteen years
ago l lost leg, and it was closely
packed in a casket, causing me con
slant, terrible pain. A good wife, un
known to me, sent faithful servant tt
arrange the amputated limb comforta
bly, in a new and larger casket. Thu
moment the leg was handled knew 1t
AID the comfort began then and ha!
never ceased, and could tell the posi-
ton precisely in which the missing
member was placed. I am glad t.
know my experience is verified; bu
Just how to account for this let tn
wise man tell. "-San Francisco Bulle
tin.
Cyprus-Its Acquisition by England.
THERE is certainly much to fire tn
Imagination in the bond that practical
| l1r odds lyunrnS To the nOssesSiOns of thI