The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-07-12
Facts and Faucies

Bryant was remarkable in that he
wrote pottery when fourteen years of
age, and lived to be a rich man.
1t is singular that Victoria w oodhull
hasn't come forward to tell what she
knows of the electoral investigation.
1t is rumored that Mrs. TiltOn has
challenged Jim Anderson for a joint
confession for the American champi-
onship.
A Connecticut woman was appoint
ed constable the other day, and the
first thing she said was, "Now l shall
catch a man."
The young ladies of Vassar are not
allowed to have pets in the college,
other than the regular professors
Danbury News.
Anxious mother: "Come, rBill, split
me some wOod.' DuLiful son: "Let
dad do it; believe in wearing out the
old ones first"
One of Jasper's converts is frank
enough to reply: "I dOan know we'd
der Pee got religun or notify me
wild a chickunI"
In the vote to expel Mrs. Tilton
from Plymouth church, nearly all the
hands raised were small, white and
glittering with rings.
"Jennie, what makes you such bad
grip "Wel, mama, God sent you
Just the best children He could find,
and if they don't suit you can't help
it."
Edmund Y ates says that some one
sent him a mourning card recently
with this inscription on it: "Ephitaph
for BeacOnsfield-Give the devil his
Jew"
Fifty-one metals are known to ex-
ist, thirty of which have been discov-
cred within the present century. -Four
hundred years ago but seven were
known.
There are more than forty vacant
pulpits in New Zealand, and some
trouble is experienced in filling them,
owing to the difficulty of getting the
smell of cooked missionary out of
them.-Andrew's Bazaar.
A little girl was reproved for play
ing out of doors with boys, and inform
ed that, being seven years old, she was
''too old for that now" But, with all
imaginable innocense, she replied,
''Why, the bigger we grow the better
we like 'em"
A Chicago man has invented kind
of ink specially suitable for lovers. 1t
remains bright for five days after use
and then fades out, leaving the paper
entirely blank. Thus the most gush-
ing correspondence would be safe
against exposure.
A six-year-old, who was found put
ting himself on the outside of various
good things at rapid rate, just after
complaining of inward gripping, ex-
planned to his wondering parents that
| he didn't want to leave any room for
| that stomach-ache-
Fond mother (who is looking over
her sons room previous to the long
recess(--"Why, Charles where did you
get all these bottles ?" Charles-"Oh,
ah let me see. They were sent to me
by some young ladies to decorate, after
l had Joined the art club"
The man who goes to a strawberry
festival and discovers the loss of his
five dollar bill just after treating
seventeen handsome girls to the deli
cacies OF the occasion has some slight
idea of how it feels to be run over by
wagon load OF hay.-Detroit Free
Press.
An old tramp said to Pittsburg re-
porter: 81 would rather walk ali day
with plenty to eat than do manual Ia
Dor. have worked occasionally, but
it's very hard on my constitution.
Nothing agrees with me so we'll as
tramping through the country, that is,
if 1 am fed WE'LL"
One thousand three hundred and
seventy-eight pieces of skin, taken
from the arms of friends, have been
engrafted on the head of Mrs. Jonas
Hay, of Jamestown, New York, who
lost her scalp by her hair catching in
the mill machinery in which she was
working. Mrs. Hay is rapidly recover
ing, and is now able to ride out.
Fulton Times: A happy deliverance
for hundreds who haye more wife than
they want, is found in the "Anti-fat''
of a patent medicine man, who guar
antees that his preparation will reduce
the weight of a fleshy person about
five pounds a week. 1t doesn't take
mcuh arithmetic to ascertain that the
man who can persuade his 200 pound
wife to use it will at the end OF a year
have fifty pounds less than no wife
at all.
The first piano manufactured in the
United States is believed to have been
made by John Belmont in Philadel-
phia, in 1875. Chickering was estab-
lished here in 1923 and Steinway's
house dates from 1853. Up to 1920
most pianofeI ties in New York bore on
their plates the name of j. j. Astor,
having been imported by the original
John Jacob from BrOadwood or Gle
ment, of England. Some of them are
yet in old houses.
An exemplary clergyman, who is
somewhat weak in the pulpit, relates
with much good nature how an "ele-
waited" droVer, whom he met in a
coach, did, in all kindness, try to gloss
over his inferiorlty. "Ah. DR.. B, said
the drover, his heart warmed by good
bargains at great market, eye dinna
ken me, but ken you. Pm whites in
your parish. There's no better likit
man anywhere: yer own folks jist
adore ye. Who cares about preachin ?''
The cruelty of which a Wisconsin
wife complains in her suit for divorce is
that her husband tied her securely and
shaved her head. The defense is that
she bleached her black hair to lemon
color by the use OF acid, and that he,
deeming such thing higly scandal
GUS, took the only means of undoing
what she had done. He says that he
bought wig for her, initiating her
natural hair, so that her bare head
might be concealed while nature was
remedying the designation.
&AC 08y 10 nOI AdI u1SBdub W08n GQG
housewife will glance into the wood
shed, and finding that the husband has
gone off without splitting the daily al
lowenc of fuel, will take down the
photograph, howl into it q volley of
epithets that will register 160 pounds
pressure to the square inch on the safe
~ gague, and then call out to her boy
Here, John, go down town and griRd
that out to your darned lazy old father,
and see that You turn the crank lively,
too"
Parents, your daughter is in good
society when she is with girls who are
sweet and pure and true-hearted; who
are not vain or frivolous; who think
of something besides dress, or flirting,
or marriage; between whom and their
parents there Is confidence; who are
usefnl as well as ornamental in the
house; who cultivate their minds, and
train their hands 20 skiIlful workman
ship. If society of this sort is not to
be had, then none at all is preferable
to a worthless article.
A curious pair of twins, who were
born in Canada seven months ago.
were exhibited at the New York aqua
rum Saturday to 3 large number Of
medical men. They have perfectly
formed heads and bodies as far as the
zok Ill