The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1878-10-24
A Peck at the Cheese.

FelIOU Cream-a-ti0niSts!. In callingUpOn
me, on this occasion, to enlighten you
upon a subject that is dear to the hearts
Of all Americans, you have got the right
man in the right place. 1t makes me
proud to come to my old home and un-
fold truths that have been folded since
can remember. 1t may be said by
sCOtteTs, and it has been said to-day, IN
my presence, that didn't know enough
to even milk a COW. I deny the allega-
ton; show me the alligator. If any
gentleman present has got a COW here
with him, and can borrow & clothes
wringer, will show you whether L can
milk a COW or not. Or, if there IS a
cheese mine here handy, 1 viii demon
strIte that l can-rmlRet.
The manufacture of cheese and butter
has been among the earliest industries.
Away back in the history Of the world,
we find Adam and Eve conveying their
milk from the garden of Eden, in a one
horse wagon to the cool spring cheese
factory, to be weighed in the balance.
Whatever may be said of Adam and Eve
to their disCredit in the marketing of the
products of their orchard, it has never
been charged that they stopped at the
pump and put water in their milk cans.
Doubtless you all remember how Cain
killed his brother Abel because Abel
would not let him do the hechurning. We
can picture Cain and Abel driving mOOly
cows up to the house from the pasture
in the southeast corner of the garden,
and Adam standing at the bars with a
tin pail and three-legged stool, smoking
a meerschaum pipe and singing Hold
the fort for I am coming through the
rye" while Eve sat on the yerandah
altering over her last years polOnaise,
and Winking at the devil who stood be-
hind the milk house singing, Il want to
be an angel" After he got through milk
ing he came up and saw Eve blushing
and he said, Madame. cheese it, ard
she chose it.
But to come down to the present lay,
we find that cheese has become one of
the most important branches of manu-
| faCture. 1t is next IN Importance to
the silver interest. And, fellow cheese
mOngers, you are doing yourselves great
injustice that you do nOtpetitiOn congress
to pass a bill to remOnetize cheese.
There is more cheese raised in this COun-
try than there is silver, and it is more
valuable. Suppose you had not eaten a
mOuthful in 80 days, and you should have
placed on the table before you ten dollars
stamped out of silver bullion on one plate
and nine dollars stamped out Of cheese
bullion on another plate. Which would
you take first? Though the face value
of the nine cheese dollars would be ten
! per cent. below the face value of the ten
silver dollars, you would take the cheese.
You could use it to better advantage in
your business. Hence say cheese is
more valuable than silver, and it should
be made legal tender for all debts, pub
| lie and private, except pew rent. may
be in advance of other eminent hnan-
Ciers, who have studied the currency
question, but I WanttO see the time
come and l trust the day is not far dis
tant, when 4124 grains of cheese will be
equal to a dollar in Goldfish, and when
the merry jingle of slices of cheese shall
be heard in every pocket. Then every
cheese factory can make its own coin,
money will be plenty, everybody will be
happy, and there never viii be any more
war. 1t may be asked how this currency
can be redeemed2 I would have an in
COntrOvertible bond, made of limburger
cheese, which IS stronger and more dU-
rable. When this is done you can tell
the rich : ON the poor man by the smell
Of his money. Nowadays many of us
do not even get 4 smell of money, but in
the good days which are coming the gen.
tie zephyr Will wait to us the able-bOdied
lmburger, and we shall know that mon
ey is plenty.
The manufacture of cheese is a busi-
ness that a poor man can engage in as
well as a rich man. I say it, without faar
of successful contradiction, and say 1t
boldly, that a poor man, with, say 200
COWS, if he thoroughly understands his
business, can market more cheese than
a rich man who owns 800 oxen. This
is susceptible of demonstration. If my
boy showed q desire to become a states
man, would say to him, young man,
get married, buy a mOOley COW, 60 to
ShebOygan county, and start a cheese
factOry." Speaking OF cows, did 1t ever
occur to you, gentlemen, what a saving
it would be to you if you should adopt
mOoley COWS instead of horned cattle?
It takes at least three tons of hay and
large quantity of ground feed annually
to keep a pair of horns fat, and what
earthly use are they? Statistics show
that there are annually killed $1,000
grangeTs by cattle with horns. You pass
laws to muzzle dogs, because one in ten
thousand go mad, and yet more people
are killed by cattle horns than by dogs.
What the country needs is more mOOley
COWS. Now that l am on the subject, it
may be asked what is the best breed for
the dairy. My opinion is divided be-
tween the sOuthdOwn and the cochin
china. Some like one the best and some
the other, but as for me, give me liberty
or give me death.
There are many reforms that should
be inaugurated in the manufacture of
cheese. Why should cheese be made
round? am inclined to the belief that
the making of cheese round, is a super
stitiOn. Who had not rather buy good
square piece Of cheese, than q wedge
shaped chunk, all rind at one end,
and as thin as a COngressman's excuse
for voting back pay at the other? Make
your cheese square and the consumer
will rise up and call you another.
Another reform that might be inaugu-
rated would be toveneer the cheese with
| building paper or clap-bOaTd, instead Of
| the time-hOnOred piece Of towel. 1 nev-
er saw cheese cutthat didn't think that
the cloth around it had seen service as a
/ bandaCe on some other patient. But 1
may have been wrong. Another thing
/ that does not seem to be right is to see
so many holes in cheese. It seems to me
/ that solid cheese, one made by one Of
| the old masters, with no holes in it
| do not accuse you Of cheating, but don't
YOU feel a little ashamed when you see
cheese cut, and the holes are the biggest
part of it? The little cells may be handy
for the skipper, but the consumer feels
[ the fraud in his innermOst soul. Among
| the Improvements made in the manu-
/ facture of cheese l must not forget that
/ of late years the cheese does not resem-
/ bic the grindstOne as much as it did
years ago. The time has been when, if
/ the farmer could not find his grindstOne,
all he had to do was to mortice a hole in
| the middle of a cheese, and turn it and
/ grind his scythe. Before the invention
of nitro-glyceriBe, it was a good days
work to hew oGcheese enough forameaL.
I Time has worked wonders in cheese.