Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1878-09-19
exception, in two weeks. You must really ad.
just the lenses, boys, or throw your old spy.
glass out of the third story window.
DAyID,s NEMESIS.

1he r.. Spikes the minneapolis Morning
Paper With Bill King--The Colonel F',t-
ntDates HIS Clothes, Takes Bath, and
Returns to the Virtuous Paths of Journal
tsn--JOseph Takes Water and Employs
| the Boss of the Side-Shou.
/ Now the Pioneer Press is to be double-ender
for sure enough. The double loaded announce
ment appeared on the editorial page of that
paper yesterday, and column of gentlemanly
editorial matter made its blushing, shame
feed appearance on the Minneapolis page, as
further evidence of the fact. With pardonable
modesty, however, Joseph failed to announce
the equally important fact that
| COLONEL WILLIAM s. KING
was the fellow to have charge of the Minneapo-
| lis editorial department.. The GLOBE, with its
| usual enterprise, is the first public, widely
read journal to announce the fact to wonder
| ing world. The GLOBE, while ON the subject
| will proceed to give the colonel good send
off:
| SEVERAL YEARS AGO
las early as before the war-the colonel {he
had not earned his military title then) was a
poor but honest newspaper man in the then
| village of Minneapolis. His paper was the
| atlas, and its doughty editor was noted as the
most muscular of the many journalistic bruis-
ers OF the young commonwealth, except, pos
sibly, "Orful'' Brown, then of Faribault' now
postmaster of Mankato.
| Like other country newspaper fends the
colonel villifed his neighbors with a perfect
looseness, grew fat and respectable on
| OTHER PEOPLE, BEEFsrEAK,
and waited patiently for something to turn up
In an evil moment for the affecting story must
be made short it is thought during temporary
attack OF mental and moral idiocy, he followed
on the wagon track of a band of strolling pol
ltlc!ans and is next heard of lin 1861 as the
Gsy yer The fs an eno office will IN n Washington ans
upon this painful era in the history of Col
King, but refer the gentle reader to the biblical
story OF the prodigal son for further partic-
ulars. Suffice it to say that after the custom-
airy experiences of Washington politicians, the
colonel returned to his fathers house in Min
neapolis. with only drove of short horn cat
| tie to show for all the vast possessions of
| "hlch he was proprietor during his early news
paper career. This blooded stock was soon
| wasted by killing
INNUMERABLE FATTED CALVES
Tor other peoples prodigals who never re-
turned; and now he is compelled to hunt up
his old stub of a lead pencil and settle down to
business once more.
This would not be so sad tale ii our hero
was entering the journalistic field on his own
account; but when we remember that his en-
ployer is Joseph-not the Joseph with a coat of
many colors, but the Joseph with vocabulary
with uncounted adjectives-who for years has
abused and vilifed the Colonel, even going SO
tar as to call one of Mr.. Kings hired men few
brlet years ago the servile pimp of perjured
scoundrel, then we are prepared to weep for
the base uses to which the best of us NAV
come at last. However,
IT WILL BE PLEASANT
n atrhf no
moods and shadows of the ungainly double
en1er. Both Joseph and William are positive
poles, and the Internally disarranged magnet
is liable to explode at any moment and blow
the happy family into smithereens. Both of
them are given to
PROFANITY UPON OCCASION,
and when provoked can discount the terrible
swearing of the army in Flanders, or any other
army in any other location upon the face of
the earth.
During the fair Thomas King, .(of
ideal Of an uncanonized saint with wings
an ready to sprout from his seraphic shoulders,
belched sulphurous flames of Minneapolis
anger at Dick Richards and the st. Paul local
end, and tore round like the bull of Bashan.
But, great Caesars ghost, only hold your breath
untl! Colonel William opens the pent up fury
of his
wRATHFUL BOWELS!
Then there will be fun for the BOYS, and the
girls, and the entire family. The colonel COM
mences like the tuneful cooling Of sucking
dove; he is liable to close the contract with the
Economical howl of a locomotive with the tooth
ACHE Only just wait!
AN ATTEMPTED INTERVIEW.
The GLOBE man waited upon Col. King at the
L. L. sanctum up among the clouds in the
city hall (the same room where Thomas views
the hurrying crowds of tired humanity through
his reportorial telescope) and endeavored to
accomplish an interview. The attempt was
awkward, but panned out something, after ALL
No, no, Mr.. GLoBE-I'm too old bird to be
caught by such chaff. Just excuse me. if Won
please! I'm here in the interest of the people
of Minneapolis and if / can, in the providence
OF OF God L. DO anything through the columns OF
NE .he 1>'oneer 1 Is to help my locality
plish Don't, don't, if you please, harrow
up my feelings by attempting an interview.
feel better, and freer, and in more respecta-
BILE company now that have got back among
you newspaper fellows. Yes, yes. yes-Tm
beggarly elements of the world, the flesh and
the devil, and taken bath and fumigated my
clothes, and purified myself, and hope in the
future to bring forth fruits meet for repent
ance. Politics, did you say? Damn poll
tics tics! y, l wish ! had never left
oAiS SA4oA iAcu ClICle OF Inc news |
paper craft. Oh! that politics! It's as de-
morallzlng as running gin mill; and Wash
lngton is the very yestibule of hel-on the |
outpost of Satan's picket line which guards
the grand army of original sin. No, thank
you, MIR. GLOBE. IL you stay here thousand
years you will not get me to express an opinion |!
on single subject. I'm journalist now and
L feel as though l was once more reposine
my weary head on the bosom Of |
my mother, and was a boy again. |
What! The exposition--the grandest
exhibition ever held in Minnesta, of course, of |!
course-and Wheelock didn't intend to do us
any real injustice think only that ID
bla-there, there, no, Mr.. GLOBE, I'm not be-
ing interviewed. you understand, and abso-
lutely decline to utter single word. l shall
never express any more opinions by word of
mouth. Talking is not my forte and talking
men are born fools. Look at Donnelly, now;
but I'm happy as a clam. seated as of yore be-
hlnd No. Faber, and master of the situa-
ton. That's all now old fellow. I'm mum
Just look here-pve got a column or two of |
slush to jam together, and any amount of fair
business to attend to to-day vet. But no in
terview, remember! Good bye; call often but
don't make me talk. Let politics alone-stick
to the newspaper. God bless you!-and -
Conscience alive. how he did run on. And
the GLOBE man
Folded his tent like an Arab
And silently stole away
the sweet music of the colonels voice ringing
pleasant and friendly melodies in his ear
THE COURTS