The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1878-03-09
Single Copies, 8 cts.
HUMOROUS.
.ltiyated ear-an ear Of corn.

| ne generally geuS lJj lOO'
The great difficulty in skating is to
maintain unanimity among your feet
Collectors report that great many peo-
| pie swore off on the first of the year-from
| paying bills.
"A man in the south recently ate, for
wager, a pound of sawdust. This is a new
way of taking board.
"A man who was fooled into buying a
pinchbeck watch called it Faith, because it
was without works and therefore dead.
Why is doctor better taken care of
than his patients? Because, when he goes
to bed, somebody is sure to rap him up.
Little girl (who loves to drive horses
and play ball)-I wish God would smash
me all to pieces and make me into boy"
Sunday school teacher-Who was the
| strongest man? Boy-Jonah; because the
whale couldn't hold him after he got him
down.
When man speaks of very pretty
| girl he says she is duck. But woman is
apt to say of a very pretty girl; "She is no
chicken"
-"Free Chops" is a sign hung out by
Chicago restaurant; and when the custom
ers apply they are shown to a woodpile and
handed an AK.
"A quacll doctor advertised that he
would ''undertake" to re-hearse more cures
for consumptive patients than any other
doctor in the U. s.
1t is wicked to catch fish on Sunday,
which nobody will deny, how does the law
affect person who fishes all day and
doesn't even get nibble?
-"John," said master to his apprentice,
"you must occupy my place while l am
absent" "Thank you, sir" replied John,
"but I'd rather sleep with the boys"
"A little boy was asked, the other day,
he knew where the wicked finally went
to. He answered, "They practice law here
a spell, and then go to the legislature"
Said friend to a bookseller, "The book
trade is affected, suppose, by the general
depression. What kind of books feel it
most?' "Pocket-books," was the laconic
reply.
The other day a little girl of three and
q half, while playing with Aunt Alice's
ring, lost it. Both looked for it some time,
without finding it, when, in despair, the
little one said "Come, auntie, let's cry"
When a man marries wife for the sake
of her fathers money and returns from his
honeymoon to find that the old gentleman
has just paid thirty cents on the dollar, he is
apt to feel that Mr. Beecher and Colonel In
gersoll are misleading guides.
-SnoolI's boy heard him say that there
was money in hens, and he proceeded to in
vestigate the old mans poultry yard. He
had gone through dozen fine specimens
when the old gent descended upon him, and
the boy now wonders if there is O balm in
Gilead.
so long as the legs of the small boy do
7 L.
paratus it will be impossible TO get him into
pair of rubber boots so far that he will not
go straightway out and stand in a puddle
where the water will just run in over the
tops of the same.
Two high-society little maidens were
contending as to the highest respectability
Of standing of their separate papas, when
one sought to cap the climax by the state
ment: I'D have you know that my pa is q
president of savings bank, and there's been
a receiver appointed. So there"
"A Montreal paper announces the ariv-
al of a new "Samese twins" curiosity. The
wife of French Canadian laborer in the
village of st, Benoit, county of Two Noun
tains, about thirty miles west of Montreal,
has become the mother of a pair of children
united as We're the Siamese twins, and are
doing we'll.
-"No, Charles" she said, firmly, "the
present you gave me don't come up to ex-
pectations at all, and have concluded that
your love must be ofthe same cheap quality.
We will part good friends, and will CON
sent to keep the present only to remember
the happ-happy-" and then she broke
into tears, and the servant showed Charles
to the door.
is this the place" she asked, as she
? wandered down on the barren sands, "where
young lady-a beautiful young lady-iell
into the water last season and was rescued
by gallant young man, whom she after
ward married 2" He looked at her care
fully, estimated her at a square AZ, with
false teeth, and said: "Yes, ma'am but
don't know how to SWIM"
lie went 10 church and the contribution
, box was passed. He had one ceut lie
dropped it on the floor. Everybody saw
the supposed Unintentonal occurrence
When the folks get down To pray, mean
man gets down for penny-penny saved.
When folks get up to sing, IN. IN. (mean
I mani joins in loudly, "a charge to keep
have evidently referring to the penny.
"A good story is told Of deacon in Ten
nessee, who was in the habit of riding a
bucking mule-that is, a mule that can
make a camel's back Of its straight one, and,
1 by a spasmodic movement of its four legs
7 and hump, discharge its rider like cannon
. ball. Recently he came to the edge of the
worst mud hole in the state, and the mule
r gave strong signs of bucking. The good
deacon knew that he was about to be thrown
and his mind hurried about for a prayer.
e His table grace came easiest; Lord, for
, what we are about to receive make us hum
, | bly, thankful" he exclaimed, and the mule
: had bucked and he was in.
DR.. Mary Walker has been mysteriously
missing ever since her snub by the ungai-
liant senate, but here she comes again. The
, HnrE-Ey man has found herr "Dr. Mary
: Walker selected piece Of black and gray
: striped goods for her new pantaloons, and
a her stupid tailor made them up so that the
D stripes ran round and round, and before the
: fair doctor had gone two squares with her
J. new aiment ON, her legs looked so like twin
5 rattlesnakes that she had frightened five
y men into delirium tremens, and was fin
= ally arrested as an escaped convict. She
S is pacticing her right leg on a sand bag, and
is calmly waiting for the tailor 70 come Ia
the front door with his bill"