The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1878-09-12
THURSDAY MORNING, SEPT. u.
Cap and Bells.

Cap and Bells.
They sit upon the stoop, tits night
Her curls upon his bosom lie;
The moon is shining soft and bright,
The while she whispers coy and shy
co. George, tits time to shoot that white
Neckter'
Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just
All, Shakespeare, that might do
For those good knights VIII, now are dust,
Those swords now rusted through.
But we who live keener life
Thy triple armor bolt
Aud for defence, well as strife,
Are six times armed by Colt.
The editor who runs the shears is beginning
to handle the Nav Orleans and Memphis ex-
changes with dainty tenderness quite foreign
TO his usual style.-N. Y. Commercial Aaoer-
tiSer.
"The Unkindest Cut of All:" The Major
"Would you advise me to have these few hairs
in front cut off?" ircutter-"U-m-Well,
sir, should ESTATE before 1 sacrificed my
honly hornamentp'-Panch
1t was thought TO be big thing in ancient
times when Ajax threw off his ulster and de-
fed the lightning, but now almost any man
raises thunder if his dinner is cold, and the
poets never say word about it.-Barlngton
.Ha,okeye.
"Grandfather's Clock" has been translated
into the Chinese, and pretty soon the tortured
and exasperated Chinaman will be praying to
some wooden-headed god to invent some new
three-story and eleven-cornered oaths 10 hurl
at Juvenile NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald
TennYsons favorite brand of pipe is yard
of clay. He never smokes pipe twice. When
he finishes one he repeats his own familiar line
s'Break break, breakp' and the frail tenement
of clay lies shattered at his feet.-N. Y. Con-
Tlercial Advertiser.
One of the best cures we know of for small
pox is to have fellow poke his head in at the
door of the patients room and whisper in
stage aside, SIS he dead yet? Pm after that
nster!" We have been there and know what
it is to live just to spite fellow.-N. Y. Com
Tercam Advertiser.
A sip from Punch. Youthful heir, viewing
his great-grandfather's bust: SIS that great
grandpapa, aunte de arp "Yes, that's great
er?" Every clever indeedr' "And was great
grandpspa very good?' Very, very goodp'
"And is that all there scaS of great-grand papa?"
The character of Autumn, as he m ade his ap-
pearance in 1873, could not be more compendi-
ously or graphically presented than it is in this
odd little sentence from the Philadelphia EUen-
aaq Star: "Pensive Autumn, in linen duster
perspires on the threshold.
Shopkeeper, to commercial traveler-"Can't
give you an order; quite overstoc1ed." Trav-
aller-"Let me at least show you my samples"
Shopkeeper.-" yourself the trouble; L
can't look at them" Traveller-"Then will
you allow me to look at them myself? 1t is
three weeks since have seen them
A Londan correspondent says Barnum has
telegraphed to his agent in London at once to
take the necessary steps for the purchase of
'the castle in which Othelo strangled Desde-
mona" This is true; and perhaps it is not
generally known that Barnum has also 10
structed his agent to purchase the dagger which
Macbeth thought he saw before him, and
wanted to clutch.-NorriStooon Herald
The average boy is not afraid of work. He
will labor hard six hours to make peach-stone
ring, the value of which is not over ten cents
bushel; and will carry trunks ten hours day
for minstrel troupe, for an admission ticket
wcrth TWEEN y-fve cents. If the same boys
mother asks him to perform an errand occupy
ing hiteen minutes time, he growls and growls
and threatens to run away from home and be-
come pirate.-NorriStown Herald.
Husband-"Why don't you take that Dress
dear, and have done with it?" Wife with cut
ting irony)-"Certainly darling, if you don't
mind the expense of having the drawing room
refurnished." Observation-Disclosures re-
furnshed?" Wife-"Well, yes you can hard
" expect me to sit on red sofa in magenta
dress; and should have thought that it was
more economical to have dress to suit
the room than to have the room altered to suit
the dress. But you know best-of course"