The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-10-05
NUMBER 25.
PASSING SMILES.

THERE is no one else who has the
power to be so much your friend or your
enemy as yourself.
The memory of beloved mother be-
comes the shadow Of all our acts-goes
before or comes after.
TINE is what we want most, but use
worst, and for which we must account
when time is no more.
THE miser who boarded his money in
a vase said he did II because he believed
in the saying, "Urn your money before
you spend it," .s.ss4s
The English language is inadequate
to express the forlorn feelings OF the
boy who thinks be has stolen dime
novel, and finds it TO be cook book.
A MAN can board a week, it is said,
for two dollars in China, but, like other
"cheap countries to live in" there is
one little drawback--the difficulty OF
getting the two dollars. s xf4f
MONDAY dabbled in stock operations;
Tuesday owned millions, by all calculations;
"Wednesday "Wednesday my Fiith-avenas palace began;
FnasS Sspve oat psn sa bay
And Saturday smashed" with nothing at all.
EIGHT masked robbers stopped a rail-
road train in the West the other day.
As the train contained an excursion
party of editors, the only loss was q loss
Of time to the robbers. Norristown
Herald.
DEACON JONES, just deceased, had q
very red nose. His widow thought 1t
rather personal in the minister to begin
his funeral discourse Another shin
ing light has been taken from our con-
gregation."
SOME writer has aptly remarked:
"Take company Of boys chasing butt
terfiies, putlong-tail coats on the boys,
and turn the butterflies into half
crowns, and you have fine panorama
of the world. ~ 9*&8
IT was thought to be a big thing in
ancient times when Ajax threw off his
ulster and defied the lightning, but now
almost any man raises thunder II his
dinner is cold, and the poets never say
word about it. s.
"AND things are not what they SEEM
sings the poet. That's so. It seems as
though the mosquito would light OH
your left auricle, but by the time your
hand gets there he is chanting his hymn
at the ether cavity. M ~tAF
A NOTED Thames oarsman says he
drinks every day u quart Of milk, and
TO this practice he ascribes his great
muscular strength. He is looked upon
as great light by his fellow-boatmen---
in fact, a star in the milky way m
THERE are some very fine orchestras
in this city, but none whose music Ia
sweet enough to keep the boys from GO
ing out after coffee grains between the
acts. 1t takes very able orchestra 10
overcome the appetite for parched coffee
and lemon PEEL BrAskIast Table, e
NOTHING destroys the appetite 50
quickly as the announcement that
Smith, of whom you have Just agreed TO
accept ten cents on the dollar, IA going
TO Europe with his family to spend
year. In the bright lexicon Of cheek,
there is no such word rs fail
IT is a lamentable fact that piece OF
pasteboard with verse on it, given MS a
reward Of merit in Sabbath school,
has not half the charm for boy as the
same size piece Of pasteboard with the
simple talismanic words, admit ONE
--Breakfast Table. t.e
JOHNNY" said a sporting Third
got in your fist" 1.-TWO pears" said
Johnny. Good hand" said the alb
sent minded parent, take the pot"
then he blushed, and pointing to
brass-kettle, added, 4" to your mother." p.
Kcokuk ConstitutiOn.
The human heart is strange creation.
That which we have we prize least, that
which we have not we most desire, and
our desires continually change Al
night man will pass ice-water BY with
disdain and give his most loyalservice
to old Bourbon, but next morning the
ice-water is at big premium. Break
fast Table.
THAT devilish ingenuity which sug-
gested hanging scythes in trees is proba-
bly gratified by the fact that Sandy
Hook boy has had his head cut open by
one of them. When a scythe is not in
use, it should be buried in deep trench
in some piece of woods, and guard OF
armed men should be kept around the
woods.--D anbusy Neacs.
"P'RAPs wife who can jump out of
bed at midnight and run down stairs
and mix mustard plaster in the dark,
or knock an old barrel to pieces and
cook dinner for fifteen country rela-
tions, at twenty minutes notice, hain't
of no account in this world, but I've
got Just an hour and half to argy that
point with some human hyena. '--Byoh
IN Free Press.
THERE are some queer absurdi66 in
the postal laws of this country, and q
man with keen sense of the incongru-
Gus wrote to the Post-office Department
the other day, directing attention to q
few of them. He called attention to
the fact-which everybody knew, but
which nobody had ever viewed in ex-
actly the light in which he placed it
that an expert penman can write sew
eral hundred words on postal card and
send it to California for one cent. Yet,
if he pastes one word of printed matter
on it, the postage is increased to six
cents. He can print the same word or .
thousand words (if he can) like it upon
the card itself, and it will be carried for
one cent. Then he can paste the. card
all over with printed matter, put it into
an open envelope, address the envelope,
and t will 60 for one cent. The card