Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-10-04
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AN INDIGNANT FAT Manic was
sleenv. absent-minded sort Of barber, too
law to talk, with look OF bitterness IN
his sad. solemn face that meant an ag-
orieved. resentful feeling toward all man
kind. He stood at his chair, listlessly rub
hing the customers face, and gazing Woe
fully into space, without thought or heed
to immediate surroundings. 1t was plain
to be seen that his soul was not in his
work. He had danced all the livelong
night preceding at shin-dig in Buck
town, and his eyes were heavy.
The customer was portly man with
bald head, mutton-chop whiskers, and
mind untroubled with care. The day was
warm. and the soothing manipulatlons OF
fine barber had an effect somewhat lul-
ling. so he closed his eyes and dropped IN
to a slight doze. Presently the mouth
opened with yawn. and the lather-brush
dropped into the cavern. The man splut-
tered and gasped, and made such wry
face that the brush followed the groove OF
a wrinkle, and next ran into his ear. Of
course the man shuddered and shook his
head. causing che brush to fetch up in his
eye, which by this time was wide open.
The barber moved along at his Wo>k
with the regularity and Indifference OF
Chinaman eating rice, utterly oblivious to
the troubles of the man in the chair.
Again the weary eyelids closed. Once
more rising yawn pried asunder the fat
mans jaws, and again the lather-brush,
all wet and sloppy, fell headlong into the
gulf, and filed his windpipe with soap and
water. He sneezed, and gagged, and
puckered up his nose, and then rubbed his
eyes and gasped for breath. The change
of position gave the lather-brush an op-
portunity to soar all around over the top
of his head, and then tumble down to the
back of his neck under his collar.
s'Confound your iyer-colored sk1n!''
yelled the fat man, splitting out mouth
full Of lather, and crowding towel into
his ewes with both hands. Look out
what you're doing. 1 didn't come here to
get a bath, and want you to understand,
young man, that though l believe In soap
as great civilizing agent, I'll be eternaliy
golsuuoshed if l want it crammed down
nv throat!' and then he tumbled out of
the chair and kicked the drowsy barber
till he sprained both his ankles; he waken-
ed him thoroughly-he did, indeed.
A FRIENDLY FATHER.-The stern
parent SO much dreaded by young and
spoony serenaders, is not always such fe-
rocious monster as heis generally represen-
ted to be. Three youn- gentlemen, &C.
companied by a guitar, began singing
sweetly under the window of favored
one the other evening, when dark object
was seen to issue from the corner of the
house. 1t moved slowly and cautiously,
and seemed to be armed. They we're too
much devoted to the art to break off in
the middle of the strain which they were
in at the time, so they held the fort
trembling till it was finished. and then
prepared to decamp hastily.
This was interrupted, however, by the
motion of the aforesaid object, who, now
being near enough to be seen more clearly,
beckoned to them frantically, and whis-
pered: ssHold on, boys, don't be 'fraid; it's
me.'' And sure enough it was him-the
father of the angel they bad called to sere-
made. He beckoned to the party to follow
him around the side of the house, where
he explained matters as well as he could
under the circumstances.
ssI'ye been out little late Tonight
said he, ''and Pm tryin' to get in the
house without bein heard"
Is THE CIRCUS IMMORAL PA country
editor says, after discussing the question
all winter, he comes to the conclusion
every spring that the circus is immoral ::
but VIXEN the bill-poster comes along with
the big pictures, his mind changes. He
adds: As we gaze at the lions, tigers and
monkeys, and think that nature made all
of them, we are not so sure. And when
we look at the beautiful young lady, with
nothing on but blue ribbon round her
waist, with one leg pointing to SIX O'Clock
and the other to high noon, and think that
nature made her, too, just as she was, ex-
cept the ribbon, we begin to lean up to the
circus.-But when the brass band begins
to play, and the elephants go round, we
rush for front seat to get in ahead of the
deacons, who always wear stove-pipe hats,
and won't sit down in front.
81 was a sugar planter once. but 1 didn't
make anything at it, . said Yankee ostler
to company of Maine capitalists whom
he overheard talking on the hotel steps
about going South to buy plantations and
work them on a large scale.
ssYou sugar planter. Josh!'' exclaimed
one of the capitalists with great surprise;
sswhen was that? Tell us about it,"
s.'Twas when I buried my old sweet
heart: and that's all know about"
A plain-speaking country minister was
asked one day how 1T happened that, con-
sidering the good example supposed to be
set before them, SO many ministers sons
<hould turn out ne'er-do-w wells. 'sThat's
easily accounted for,' said the divine.
..You see the devil kens he Gamma get
hand O. the geese, SO he just makes grab
among the gaislins?"
A down-trodden resident, native to the
land which gave Bismark birth. remarked
of Young man supposed to be seriously
attentive to a very handsome niece: "Dot
6eller's vixed. He's got UNI pad. He
make dot gal present ov ring nit doze
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS flowers on.''
Farmers, says the Graphic cease to