Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1878-08-22
MMiseeuantous. q
Half an Hour OF Agony.
MR.. THUMBLEpIRK's TERRIBLE rRrprcA-
MENr.

MR.. THUMBLEDiRk TERRIBLE PREDICA-
NENT.
burlington HAwleye.l
Yesterday Afternoon Mr. Jasper Thum-
bledirk, who IS iory-,hree years old and
unmarried. dashed into our sauctum and
envolvtd a remark, the intensity OF which
made our blood curdlc. And when he
completed the remark. which was neither
very long nor remarkably complicated. he
picked up a dictionary, hurled ii at the
proof reader with great asperity, and be-
fore that good natured and greatly abused
angel OF the editorial staff could recover
from his emotion aud get his umbrella,
Mr.. Thumbledirs was goae. He dashed
out OF the door. miss sed the stairway and
stepped down the elevator, falling a dis
tance OF three stories, but he Was too mad
and excited 10 get hurt, and We heard him
rushing away down the alley. yelling aud
swearing Till he was out of sight and hear
ing. As he Is usually very severe man.
of haotual reserve, very particular and
guarded In his language. we were amazed
not only at his words, for which his excited
manner afforded not the slightest explana-
ton. During the day however. we be-
came possessed OF certain facts which may
give the reader some clew to the causes OF
this worthy and respectable citizens
violent aud dlsrespectful manner and
language.
IL appears that about two O'Clock Ia the
afternoon, Mr.. ThumbiejIrk dropped In nj
the Union depot to ask some questions
relative TO the arrival aud departure OF
trains. and while passing through the
ladies waiting room, lie was accosted by
lady acquaintance who was going east on
the /. Z. * W. at halfpsst two. She
wished TO 90 up town to make some little
purchases. but didn't want TO take her
baby out In the rain. Would Mr.. Thum-
bledirk please hold II for her until she
came back! She wouldn't be gone more
than five minutes, and little Earnest was
just as good as an angel and besides he
WAS sound asleep.
Mr.. Thumblcdirk, with s strange fut,er
OF his feelings, lied, and said he would be
only too delighted. Then he took the
baby, aud the ticket agent. who has two,
knew by the manner In which the man
took the baby and looked anxiously from
one end OF II 10 the other TO see which end
the head WAS on, that he had never
handled q human baby before In all his
life, and promptly closed his window TO
shut out the trouble that be knew was on
the eve Of an eruption.
Mr.. Thumbledirk Is q very tall. dignlded
man. He was rather annoyed rs the
mother disappeared through the door to
observe that all the women 10 the waiting
room were intenuy regarding him with
various expression, curiosity predomlns-
ting. He sat down and bent his arms At
the elbows until they resembled In shape
two letters VS.. with the baby lying neck
and heels in the angle at the elbows. and
he felt that he looked, like the hideous
pictures of Moloch in the old Sunday
school book.
Mr.. Thumbledirk felt keeniy that he was
an object Of curiosity and Ill repressed
mrth to the women around hun. Now 4
dignified man does not enjoy being q
laughing stock for any body, aud 1t Is
especially humiliating for him to feel that
he appears ridiculous in the eyes of women.
This feeling is intensified when the man is
q bachelor, and knows he is a little swk-
ward and i'll at ease in the presence OF
women, anyhow. So, as he gszed upon
the face Of the quiet. sleeping infant, he
made an insane effort to appear perfectly
easy, and to create the impression that he
was an old married man, and the father
Of twenty-six children, he dlscngaged one
arm, and chucked the baby under the chin.
About such q chuck that you always feel
like giving q boy with q putty blower" or
pea shooter" Ii knocked the little
rosebud of q mouth shut so quick and
close the baby couldn't catch its breath
for three minutes, and Mr.. Thumbledirk
thought, with strange, terrible sinking
of the besrt, that 1t wa. just possible he
might have overdone the thing. A short
young woman in Kilt skirt and pretty |
"Oh." la a mild kind OF q shrek, and !
then giggled; tall, thin woman ia q
black bOmbazine dress and a gray shawl. |
and an angular woman In calico dress
and q sun bonnet, gasped, "Why.' In a |
startled duet. a fat woman with n small
herd Of children and a market basket,
shouted, "weli"' and then Immediately
clapped her plump hands over her mouth
as though the exclamation had been
startled from her, aud a tall, raw-bOned
woman who wore horned spectacle. aud
talked bass. said. 1.-The poor lamb in
such sepulchral tones that everybody else
laughed, and Mr. Thumbledrik. who
didn't just exactly know whether she |
meant him or the baby. blu.hed scarlet
and felt his face grow SO hot thar he smelt
his hair. And bis soul was filed with
such gloomy fOrebOdinxs that all the
future looked dark to him.
The baby opened its blue eyes wider
than any man who never owned q baby
would have believed il possible, and
stared II Mr.. Thumbledirk with An ex-
preston of alarm. and general lack Of
confidence that bOded distressing want
OF harmony in all future proceedings. Mr..
Thumbledirk. viewing these signs OF care
lessness with inward alarm. conceived the
happy idea that the baby needed Q change
OF position. So he stood it upon its
feet.
1t il unnecessary to tell any mother OF
. family that BY the execution Of this sp-
parently very simple movement, the M
hannv man had every thread of that