Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-08-23
Wit and Run0r-

An honest man is the most lonesome
work of the Creator.
He who goes through life continually
asking questions, generally becomes a
Why's man in the end.
Wh is the hy one of the tallest of in
sects? Because he stands over six feet
without shoes and stockings.
The fool seeketh to pluck a fly from a
mules hind leg; the wise man letteth
the Job out to the lowest bidder.
Nothing, perhaps, strikes the ear more
pleasantly than pretty woman's chafm-
ing voice-except, perhaps, her charming
hand.
81 think" said gentleman to his foot
man, 81 have been moderate good
master to you, John."-"Very moderate,
sir," said John.
Children wouldn't cross their parents
so often when grown up, if they were to
cross their parents knees little oftener
when they are little
'I have one request to make Of YOU,
my dear Mr.. GRAM" nt"-''My dear widow.
l will grant anything you say."-"Well.
sir, want to be Granted myself"
Longer trains are the fashion in
ladies' full dress, and the advice to
awkward-fO footed gentlemen is, "LOok out
Jbr the train when the belle comes.'
He appeared to be almost gone. Roll
mo his eyes toward the partner of his
bosom, he gasped; BURY me meath the
weeping willow, and plant a single white
7ose above my head" 20, it's no US" F."
she snapped out. "Your nose would
scorch the rootsP' He got well.
The seoue. to that beautiful song by
Euee5e Field. "Grease the Griddle,
Birdie. Darling" is Just out. We have
only room for one stanZa:
Scratch my back oh brown-eyed Mabel
Throw the buekwheat -four awayi
Scratch as long as you are able,
Harder; stronger; that's the way,
Some what higher; little lower;
Closer TO the shoulder bladeS
Dig ; Good heavens go 1t slower!
| MurderI ThunderI Come, that's played!
The following was recently written
and sent by distinguished clergyman
to his mother. 1t vas sent on = postal
card:
From sweet Isaah's sacred song chapter Q. verse; G.
First ls words please take and the following afix;
| Prom Genesis the S5th. verse 18th, no more;
Then add verse 26 of Kings. book ID, chapter4;
The last two verses chapter l 1st book of Samuel
And learn what on this day your loving son befelI.
"A poison of any conceivable de-
scription and degree of potency, which
has been Intentionally or accidentally
swallowed, may be rendered almost
harmless by simply swallowing two gills
of sweet oil. An. individual with a
very strong constitution should take
nearly twice the quantity. This oil will
most positively neutralize every form of
vegetable, animal or mineral poison
with which physicians and chemists are
acquainted.
ANY farmer that has a small pond
or lake on his farm, or never-failing
spring, so situated that by damming up
the gully or hollow below it, pond can
be formed, may make an acre or two
thus located the most profitable part Of
his premises, by stocking the water with
fish. This can now be done with little
expense through any of the State Fish
Commissioners.
Sir Ashley Cooper said: 'I never
suffer ardent spirits in my house, know
ing them to be evil spirits. If people
could see the white livers and shattered
nervous systems which have seen, as
the consequence of drinking, they would
be aware that spirits and poison mean
the same thing"
"A German gentleman who is anxious
to put down the immense trade done in
deleterious wine has had many samples,
bought in New York hotels and restau-
rants, analysed, and several didn't
contain any juice of the grape whatever
Censure is most efectual when mixed
with praise. So, when a fault is dis
covered, it is well to look up virtue to
bear it company.
Hunting is relic of the barbarous
spirit that thirsted formerly for human
blood, but is now content with the blood
of inferior animals.
Throw piece of meat among bears
and purse of gold among men, and
which will behave most outrageously-
the men or the beasts?
We should enjoy our fortune as we do
our health-enjoy it when good, be
patient when it is bad, and never apply
violent remedies except in an extreme
necessity.
The creations of fancy are divine.
Many a Venus, as beautiful as she who
rose from the white foam of the sea, has
sisen from the black foam of the poets
inkstand.
Nothing is so fragile as thought in its
infancy-an interruption breaks it !;
nothing is so powerful, even to the over
turning of mighty empires, when it
reaches maturity.