The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-12-19
Cn-to" M1neNze
PASSING SMILES.
On the rail-A scolding woman.


A WATER spout-A temperance leo
,ure.
EVERY carpenter has plane duty be-
lore him.
To mothers: How to teach your
child to walk-Give il in charge of
WHICH is the most wonderful animal
in the farm-yard "A pig, because he is
killed first and cured afterwards.
The mind is weak when it has once
given way; it is long before principle
restored can become as firm as one that
has never been moved.
SKEPTICIsM has long been the bugbear
of youthful vanity, and it is considered
knowing to quarrel with existing insti-
tutions and established truths.
A STUMPTowN goat died recently,
and when the boys in the neighborhood
made an autopsy on the remains in
vacant lot the daughter of the family
learned for the first time where her
corset had gone to.
OUR friend Smith objects to the waltz.
1t should be borne in mind, however, that
Smith is almost as bow-legged as-well,
a photograph of Smiths legs would
present the following appearance, to
wit: ().-OI City Derrick.
"Do eagles give milk, mother?' asked
the boy. No, my son; what made
you think so7' Because I've heard
of the eagles scream" The mother
reached for her slipper, but the embryo
paragrapher had vanished.
1T is a settled principle, your honor"
id on layuyo 60 thot
always produce effects" "They always
do for the lawyers" responded the judge,
but Pve sometimes known cause to
deprive client of all his effects.
1T is not so easy as philosophers tell
us to lay aside our prejudices; mere
volition cannot enable us to divest our
selves of long established feelings, and
every reason is averse to laying aside
theories it has once been taught to ad-
mire.
A HALIFAX tailor has the following
plaeard in his window, and his business
is rushing in consequence: "Jest took
the meshur of lis Royal 'ighness the
Duke of Marlborough for a pare of
Hunmentionables hoff this 'ere pece."
Boston Post.
| How nice and homelike it will be to
see Lord Lorne down ON his knees in
Rideau Hall with his mouth full of tacks
and a hammer in his hand, trying to
make Louise understand that he wants
a few reams of those Halifax addresses
to line the carpet with.
az DON'T do this business for profit"
said barber when asked how he could
afford to shave man for five cents. C I
merely carry it on because I love to see
the dying struggles of man while he
is being talked to death. Philadelphia
Chronicle.
IF you cannot speak well of your
neighbors, do not speak of them at all.
A cross neighbor may be made kind by
kind treatment. The true way to be
happy is to make others happy. To be
good is luxury. If you are not better
and wiser at the end of the day, that
day is lost.
WHEN a young man arrives at the
conclusion that his employer cannot get
along without him, he has also arrived
at the most fatal step on his journey
through life. Fatal, because the places
of the greatest men on earth have
always been filled by those coming after
them.-Canaden Post.
| n MAN LII DChfCl UCIlCfCo lAdO bAO
world will come to an end on Christmas.
. He has prepared white robes for the
.. occasion, and will stay on his housetop
! on that day, ready TO be caught up to
, heaven. He has made no ascension robe
{ for his wife, however, thinking that she
! is to remain and be destroyed
Mr.. JAMES CAMPBELL ought to be a
= happy man, if earthly blessings can
: make him so. He is Marquis of Lorne,
Governor-General of Canada, and the
husband of a princess; and what is
. better than all, his mother-in-laws is on
the other side of the ocean, with too
e many affairs of her own on hand to
v allow her to run over and sit up nights
g with her daughter.
A RoCKLAND man gave vest int
his wife's hands to be repaired, and
. when he came home to dinner she
showed him three pencil stubs, a piece
:, of chalk, four watch-keys. nineteen
- matches, six pants and four coat but
; tons, receipt for making milk punch
\ buckle, blank lottery ticket, small
- handful of cloves, part of a roll O.
g lozenges, three seat coupons to a las
winters lecture, a poker chip, and .
chew of gum, that had slipped down int
;. the lining of the vest through hole il
70 the pocket. 1t was the most startling
= disclosure the Rockland man had seel
i since he read the cipher dispatches
u Il Rockland Courier.
Is "GoNE down at seal Gone down at sea!''
- The bells toll o'er that living grave,
'e And over cloud and under wave,
e, And down the melancholy lea
o. The cry goes round the rocking world.
=, To Danish dunes, to swedish piues,
st To the fair shades of Rhenish vines,
nt To German homes where maidens wait,
. To meet their lovers at the gate,
s. And wives, the flag of joy unfurled
a. Wait for the kiss that ne'er can be-
70 "Gone down at sea! Gone down at seal"
~ -Neto Yo7k Graphic
to THEODORE SCHUER, the Chatham vi
of lage naturalist, relates the story of on
Id of the members of the order Batrachia
s. On one of the cold days of last week
a Ghent boy brought him frog to b
of stuffed. The batrachian was to all al
pearance as dead as Julius Cesar, an
was so solidly frozen that Mr.. Schue
says that he might have driven q mai
into his CONCEALED carcass. To tha'
the fellow out, so that his skin Nigh
: be neatly removed for the purpose {
he stuffing, he was placed in cup of war;
n no water and left for an hour, while NJ
~ Schuer went to dinner On his retur
-, he was surprised to find his cup withoU
,,s a tenant, and an innocent-looking fro!
rs not at all frozen, staring solemnly
az him from the floor. He concluded NJ
in to do the stufhng that day, and at la
~ accounts the animal was still alive, a
- parently none the worse for his litt
ar freeze.
ses
lly A NEGRO minister, who married rath
ws sooner after the death of his wife tbs