Connecticut western news., 1878-09-19
WIT AND WISDOM.

-" Thistle do" as the donkey said as he munched a particularly juicy one.
 When man gets bald in Colorado they say his head has got above the tim her line.
 If it tekes one hog to make ham, how many hogs will it take to make hammer? Only one pig-of iron.
 A mule will behave himself eleven years and six months just to get one off hand shot at middle shirt stud.
 -"I don't like that cat, it's got splin- ters in it's feet" was the excuse of four year-old for throwing the kitten away. who against thee, but take care that God may be with thee in everything that thou doest.
 Joseph Cook paid $17. .0OO for his sons education. It must be humiliat- ing to man to think that his own son knows $16, 800 worth more than himself.
 A Pullman conductor, upon hearing of the Angell robbery of $12O, ,000, said, Pshaw that's nothing. We'll have to sell only 65, 900 upper berths to make that up."
 A man can never be said to feel as humble and mean as an old shoe which is run over at the heel, until a horse-car conductor informs him that his only five cent piece is a counterfeit.
 -Experience is dear teacher, is it Somehow the experienced hen always knows that the foraging in the next yard IS the best, and she never paid cent for the experience either.
 -" Who is that gentleman ?" asked person of waiter at watering place. The waiter replied, "He is Q bank president, but don't know whether he IS engaged in auy business or not"
 A clergyman asked some children, "Why do we say in the Lords Prayer, who art in heaven, since God is every whereP" A little drummer boy answ- cred, "Because it's headquarters.
 Somebody having remarked that there are seventy-seven muscles in the human head, the Belfast (Me.) Journal remarks that some people have seventy pix of these muscles Ill their chins.
 An old lady, remarkable for her con- fused ideas of the meaning of words, de- soribes clear summer evening thus: It was beautiful bright night, and the moon male everything as light as cork"
 Frankie (to Annie, who Is eating 6 sponge -cake) )-" Annie, let me be your baby, and you feed me-" Annie-"Oh, no, Frankie, you cannot be my baby; my baby must be in long olothes-one wot can't eat no sponge-cake."
 Pride is virtue--let not the moral ist be scandalized-pridei is also vice. Pride, like ambition, is sometimes vir- tuous and sometimes vicious, according to the character in which it is found, and the object to which it is directed.
 A cook told Dionysius that the black broth of Lacedemon would not do we'll at Syracuse unless it be tasted by Spartan palate. So the excellencies of heaven cannot be discerned but by spirit accustomed to diviner banquets.
 --The recognition of virtue is not less valuable from the lips of the man who hates it, since truth forces him to &C., knowledge it; and though he may be unwilling to take it into his inmost soul, he at least decks himself out in its trap pings.
 Never will seek or receive private, individual salvation never will l enter into final peace alone but forever and ever, and everywhere, I will live and strive for the universal redemption of every creature throughout all the worlds. --Buddhist Liturgy.
 A little five-year-old boy, residing with hls parents in the Cheney block, was asked by lady few days since for ! kiss. He immediately complied, but the lady, noticing that the little fellow lrew his hands across his lips, exclaimed, t An, but you are rubbingit of. :" "No, [ ain't," was the quick rejoinder. "Tm rubbing it in" .
 -"Sal, cried glrl looking out oA the upper window of a small grocery, and addressing another girl who was irving to enter at the front door, "weve all been to camp meetin' and got con verted so when you want milk on Sun- day you'll have to come around to the pack door," We fear there are too many ''back door" Christians.
 -" Gentlemen of the jury" said a Western lawyer, "would you set a rat rap to catch bear, or make fools of yourselves by trying to spear buffalo with knitting-needle ? know you would not. Then how can you be guilty of the absurdity of convicting my client of man-slaughter for taking the life of . woman ?" The prisoner was acquitted.