National Republican., 1878-07-23
PISTOLS and COFFEE.
LObnlinufd 6roin lind nnof. /

80 "'p't HHVu", yOu hhOW, Etouhot 'hN
Captain, airing his Latin. "Well, at any rate
this thing must be done quickly, as General
Nimrod has important engagements at Alexan-
dria, and desires to get away as early as posi-
ble"
GENIAL Nimrod be d-d," muttered tho
oracle. Come, Captain Dedbroke (hic), Join
me-"
With this Mr.. Gabblegandcr held out the
round bottle, which the Captain eyed wist-
fully. He interposcd the objection, however,
that the hour and occasion was hardly proper
one for indulging.
"The (hic) hour aud oc.occasion be d-d,"
replied the oracle, with broad, philanthropic
smile. Leaning on the shoulder Of the gallant
Captain Dedbroke, he placed the moist mouth
Of the bottle within tempting distance II the
Captains nose. This the latter could not re-
sist, and, with 4 dcprecating motion Of the
hand, he raised the bottle to his lips, and,
throwing back his head, allowed considera-
Bile portion of the contents Of the vessel to flow
down his throat. Having removed the bottle
he smacked his lips and, giving a military
salute, turned on his heel In the direction Of
his principal, General Beelzebub Nimrod, but
was stopped by Gabblegander.
You're n brick (hic), Captain Dedbroke.
Here In the pr.prcsence OF these maj thic) )-estic
trees, In the presence Of Wa-Wagtail, In the
presence Of Won Sh.(hic) ).Shoddy, ! do not
he )-hcsitate In pronouncing you br-( (hic)-
brick. wa-Wagtail, why don't you no-(hic)-
note that DOWN. Captain Dedbroke, ego over
and tell General Bulzybulb N-Nimrod to
c.come over and t-t.(hic) take drink with
me-"
This Captain Dcdbroke positively declined
to do. II would be highly improper for Gen.
crul Nimrod to do so at that time. 81 will
assure you, sir" remarked Captain Dedbrokc,
II, after this affair isovcr, you should survive,
that General Nimrod will be only too happy to
join you
Satisfied with this assurance, Mr.. Gabble-
gander allowed the Captain to depart, and that
individual strided back over the sward, as If
he could hear spurs jingling at his heels and a
sword clanking at his side.
lie found his principal fuming with impa-
tisnce.
'Is everything In readiness 2" demanded the
general.
Nearly, so, SIR" replied Captain Dedbroke
"Who Is that round, red-headcd dumping ~
That Is Mr.. Won Shoddy. Like our enc.
mics Of old, your foe has enlisted the aid Of
the Hessians."
After some further conversation, In which
Captain Dedbroke ascertained that the general
was ready and the pistols were in prime con.
dition, he returned to Mr.. Gabbiegandcr's par
ty and invited Mr.. Won ShOddy with him to
measure Of the ground.
The pair proceeded to m open space between
the trees. Now, It happened that Mr.. Won
Shoddys legs were very short, and Captain
Dcdbroke's limbs, on the contnry, were very
long. When Mr.. Won Shoddy had finished his
twelve PAGES, Captain Dcdbroke was far be-
yond him. BY spreading his short legs as far
apart as he could, he was unable to come with
in u rod Of the long limbed and supple cap
tain.
The matter was finally adjusted by Wagtail,
who stepped off twelve PAGES, coming about
half way between Won Shoddy and Captain
Dedbroke.
Thus everything was ready, and the seconds
returned to their principals. Won Shoddy
having placed 4 pistol in the hands Of Mr..
Gabblegander, escorted him to the end of the
twelve PAGES assigned to him. General MINI
rod was already at his place. Mr.. Gabblegan-
der had his hat cooked on one side of his head,
q half.smoked cigar held rakishy between his
teeth, his coCt and waistcoat were open for the
sake of coolness. 1t was decided that Captain
Dedbroke should count and give the word to
fire.
Are you ready, gentlemen 2" sang out Cap
tain Dcdbroke. "One-two-thr-"
by jinks," calculated Mr.. Gabblcgander.
"Jenks! Jcuks !" said General Nimrod, "arc
you familiar with the handwriting Of Secrc-
tary sherman Pardon me, l thought l was
in the cOmmittee-rOOm."
"By jinks," exclaimed Mr.. Gabblegander,
won Sh. (hic) )-Shoddy c.cOmc here quick"
on DtlEB lnuS upon,
from behind tree, and advanced toward Cab
blcgandcr with some trepidation.
won shoddy, you d-d f.f.fool this pis.
pistol Is loaded"
"Dot is so. load 1t minesclf You must
shoe: at him nit It,"
'Shshoot who, you sc. (hic) )-scoundrcl."
'Shoot him" (p0inting at General Nimrod)
"Vcn Captain Dedproke holo fire. you shoot
at him"
"Oh."
Mr.. Gabblcgandcr having thus been In.
structed silence was restored
One began Captain Dcdbroke.
Two"
Mr.. Gabblcgander then abruptly deserted
his place. and going unsteadily back to the
tree, picked up the bottle aud helped himself
to its contents. Corking IL up again with
great deibertion, he returned to his post aud
smiled good uredly upon his opponent, who,
displeascd with the interruptions, was scowl.
ing fercely.
"Onem
"Twow
"Threew
Fire.
A great commotion Immediately followed the
firing. Mr.. Gabblegander, whose hat aud wig
flew of from his head, was sprawling upon the
ground, and roaring for Won Shoddy aud Wag.
tail.
General NimrOd stood unharmed but the
bullet from Mr.. Gabblegander's pistol had had
its effect. The horse attached to General MINI
rods coupe which had been browsing In the
grass, threw up its head and tail and started
of on u rapid gallop, dragging the coupe.
Over ditch and mound flew the horse, with the
vehicle dancing behind him. The flight came
to II sudden termination. The frightened ami.
NAL cndcavOred TO jump fence; but not cal
| culuting for the vehicle, landed on one side,
while the carriage hung from the shafts ON the
| other.
Won Shoddy, Wagtail, aud Surgeon Splnt,
ths latter with great alacrity, Immediately
sprang to the assistance of the believing Cab.
blegandcr. Upon inspection they found that
the bullet had passed through the hat and
wig, carrying them away, but not grazing the
head Being assured of this the trio persuaded
Mr. Gabblegander to sit up, and that worthy
after feeling about his bald pate aud finding
| for himself that there was no Injury, regarded
| his three companions with smile of relief.
Mr.. Gabblegander was assisted to his feet
The surgeon, having no other operation to per.
FORM replaced his punctured wig aud hat
| The oracle waved his companions away from
him with his hand, and then broke forth NJ
| follows:
1--WE arc for-fortunate we are bless (hic)
| blessed We aa.ngain devote onrsef anew u,
an hum -hic) )-humble citizen Of this Repub
public to the resis. (hic)-tance of oppression
| We shall never cease mem (hc) -mcm0rialish
ing aud demanding investigations. Wag. Wag
| tail, n.nOtc that down."