Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-02-22
F. u n :.


NUMBER THREETH.-Miss Ageratum
Wiggles went into one of our shoe stores
the other day to buy a pair of lasting
CATERS.
Miss Ageratum is not as young as she
once was, but still she shakes her cork
screw curls in very girlish manner. On
this occasion she lisped very prettily, ow-
ing to the fact that she had left her front
teeth at the dentists to be mended.
SIN look at your lathting gaiterth if
you pleath, thir."
Clerk produces box and inquiries,
"What number do you wish?'
r Number threeth, thir."
''Here is pair, ma'am."
Miss Ageratum put her hand in one and
sweetly asked:
eff you pleath, I would like a pair
little fuller in the toeth.''
Clerk hands out pair of No. As say
ing:
ssThese are about right. guess.''
Miss Ageratum seated herself, pushed
back her ringlets, arranged the folds of
her dress, and proceeded to take off her
shoe. She did not seem to make much
Roadway with number 4, and, raising her
head in an artless manner, said:
sit appearth to me, thlr. the numberth
get smaller every year."
The obliging clerk produced a pair of
number SIS, handed them to her and gal
lantly observed:
eyes, ma 'am, it really does 8 EN- to me
so; just slip your foot into this one. 1t is
little roomier, so to speak,
ssYeth, it 18th, but it it'll very tight
acroth the inthtep."
'sAh, well here's pair which l am sure
will be just exactly right would be will
ing to take my oath to it," and with a look
of warm admiration (which Miss Agera-
tum received with a coquettish toss of her
spiral tresses) handed her pair Of num-
Der 9's.
cat lath! Juth right knew l could
not be mithtaken in my number, though
Mither Pegthrapher next door declared it
wath impothible for me to put on number
th1eeth. There it'll thuch differenth in
store keeperth."
ASKING Too MUCH OF HIM.-One Of
our young men who visited Europe short
time since stepped ashore at Liverpool,
with a beard the growth of the voyage,
long hair, and looking and feeling deer
dedly rusty generally. He at once re-
paired to the nearest barber shop, and
having entered, said to the native artist
in charge, ST want you to shave me, cut
my hair, brush me up. and make good
looking man of me.' The barber looked
the young man over for moment, and
very deliberately remarked, ''Hi can shave
thee. and hi can cut thy air, and brush
thee hup, but the Lord Halmighty 'imself
can't make good-looking man Of thee"
A Tom cat is a more independent ami
NAL than man. Whena man comes home
at 2 or clock in the morning he slips in
as quietly as possible. but Tom cat don't
seem to care The later the hour and the
nearer the house it approaches the louder
it will yell.
When mother is mending her sons
pants what pang it causes her to find a
euchre deck and pistol in the pockets.
AID what a pang-or several of 'em-she
causes the 10y, when she interviews him
a few minutes later on the subject.
An Irishman with a heavy bundle on
his shoulder, riding on the front of a horse
car, was asked why he didn't set the bun.
die down on the platform. He replied,
ssIndade, the horses have enough to drag,
I'll CARRY the bundle
There is no excuse for this country
having SO many tramps. If our able-bodied
yo,fug women would marry and then take
in washing to support them, there would
Zoe no necessity for the poor fellows going
about stealing.
A Montreal minister is lecturing on
ssAn Hour with Burns It must be
warm entertainment.