The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1878-01-22


the world shorn of Its shams and It's
pretences. Perhaps no class of men en-
joy good joke better than telegraphers,
and they certainly often find In the or
dinary routine duties of their position
many dispatches calculated to provoke
smile. For instance; q Massachusetts,
man recently telegraphed to his son:
"I am dying, come Immediately"
which elected the very sympathetic re-
ply: ''Can not come. Let me know
when you die"
A message was sent not long since to
a doctor in this city from the husband
to one of his patients, which read
Please come down right away, wife
very ill., and fifteen minutes afterward
another, merely saying You need
come Funeral Tuesday,
The following message, addressed TO
an insurance agent, recently passed
through the Western Union general of
flee In this city:
Have you received proofs of my
death They were forwarded sixty days
ago, ,. 49, ,....,
per Mary Baird"
As the operators always "follow copy"
and senders are often little excited,
very queer messages are sometimes sent;
for example this one:
cousin; Go for Auntie. Father Is
dying as soon as possible.'
An Irishman-of course--in Palmer,
Mass, sent the following message to his
brother In New York:
Your wife died yesterday. We will
wake her tonight. Come home. p. s.
Don't open this for two hours, so as to
prepare yourself for the melancholy
news"
But the most laughable messages are
generally those from love-sick swains to
their sweethearts. A gentleman in the
South not long since telegraphed to his
affianced in Maine:
Your life Is rich bouquet of happi-
ness, yourself the sweetest flower. If
Northern winds whisper Southern
wishes, how happy you must be Good
night. Happy dreams, sweet love-
Frank"
The following message recently passed
through the Chicago office
:" L lentyou one year ago tonight $4.S7.
If you have not had it long enough,
please keep it one year longer"
TO this delicate hint this answer was
returned:
{" Had forgotten it, and hoped you had
Let her run another year."
Mr.. Beecher, years ago, when he was
but little known outside of New York or
Brooklyn, received q telegram from a Y.
NJ. C. A. in the West, asking him to
come on and lecture for fame.
His reply created hearty laugh in the
telegraph office. 1t was:
Yes; L will lecture for +. A. M. E.
fifty and my expenses"
Operators occasionally encounter
some very strange people in the way of
customers. 1t is quite astonishing what
crude ideas many even intelligent peo-
pie have of the telegraph. A German
once broughta a message to one of the
branch offices in this city for transmits
sion. 1t was SO indistinctly written
that the operator couldn't read it, and
asked to be enlightened Hans studied
it carefully for some time, but couldn't
make 1t out either. After while, how
ever, his face frightened up, and he
said:
"Oh, well, just send it that way he'll
understand it."
A porter belonging to one of the city
hotels one night handed the operator a
message and two-dollar bill. The
operator returned him the change, and
was not little surprised to see him
walk off with both change and message.
"Ain't you going to have the message
sent ?" he inquired.
"Oh !" replied the porter, " / thought
you had sent it. supposed that all you
had to do was simply to look at it,"
A lady of color once asked what the
tariff was to Portsmouth.
"What Portsmouth 2" asked the
operator.
"Why, just Portsmouth"
What State is it in ?''
".The United States.'
Yes, but there are over thirty States.
Which particular one?'
81 never heard of any Portsmouth but
the one."
And she looked like it.
After little questioning she spoke of
Richmond, and he concluded it was