Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-12-06
FU II !!


An inyeterate tobacco-chewer, who in
yariably throws away an old quid when
ever he sees a neighbor taking out tobac-
co box, waited in vain for an extension OF
Inequalities. Aren't you going to give
me chew?'' he inquired. didn't you
have one in your mouth?" asked the mar.
ketman. ssYes,'' said the other. swell,
replied the marketman, ''you must learn
never to throw away certainty for an
uncertainty
Lady calling on intimate friend. who is
married and has only one servant): lis
YOUR mistress at home, Sarah?" Sarah
"No. num- Lady: ''Then will you kind
" say that 1 called to see if she could come
and spend this evening with u.s." Sarah:
sob. no, mum. ASSURE she can't, cause It's
my turn out"
There are two things in this country
that puzzle many minds. One Is that
when a lady but half clothed she is said to be
in full dress, and the other is why gentle
man is in full dress when lie has the same
sty!e of clothes as the waiter that attends
him.
When Benjamin Franklin arrived in
PHILADELPHIA he calmly walked up the
street with a loaf of bread under his arm.
But he couldn't do it nowadays. Some
hody would steal his bread before he got a
half block away from the river.s
ssSpeaking of bathing said Mrs. Par
tington, s'some can battle with perfect i'm
purity in water as cold as Greenland's icy
mountains and India's coral strands; but
for my part, I prefer to have the water
little torpid"
Ibid you ever dabble in stocks?" asked
a lawyer of witness who was known to
have fled from his native land to this asy-
lum of the free. ''Well, yes, got my
foot in 'em once, in the old country" was
the reply.
Ohio girls discovered that whey would
remove freckles, and it was all very nice
until they further ascertained that it would
also bring out pimples and ring worms.
Even sour milk won't make angels of
women.
when do you intend to go back.
Mike?r said one exile of Erin to another.
eff L live till die, and God knows as
will or not, intend to visit ould Ireland
once more before leave this country
81 know am perfect bear in my man
uers,'' said a young farmer to his sweet
,Jleart. mo, indeed, you are not, John;
YOU have never Rugged me yet; you are
more sheep than bear"
Mrs. Darlington, in illustration Ct pro-
verb, "a soft answer turneth away wrath, -
SAYS that lit is better to speak paregori-
cally of person than to be all the time
finging epitaphs at him."
If you put two persons in the same bed
room, one of whom has the t0othache and
the other is in love, you will find that the
one who has the toothache will go to sleep
first.
ssWhen mans chin whiskers turn gray
before the hair on his head does, it shows
which part of him has done the most
work. observes philosophical exchange.
In the picture gallery.-Young girl ::
tsSay mamma, when shall we come to
another of those pictures where [ must
shut my eyes?"
The extreme height of misery is small
boy with new pair Of boots and no mud
puddle.
ssThis is the unkindest cutof all, as the
standing rib said to the carving knife.
The Breakfast Table, thinks trade is
looking up. because it is fat on its back.
IT,; -htning might do more sometimes if
# wasn e in snch an awful hurry.
Mrs. Shark tn's:midnight lecture on Ma
sonry are ALWAYS OF . Lodge-ical tone.
match On tbe sea.e OF a boys trousers
is ..something new undel the son."
Money is slow circulating. We s"" d
dime loaf in bakers shop yester,. ~
Do you know what man got who to- Y
AGAR? He got aboard.
Salt fish for breakfast and a rubber ont
fit will keep man dry all day.
Uneasy lies the head that wears
falsehood.
One of the early settlers-the cocktail.
It is mournful to see man more'n full.