The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1878-03-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

IF money IS tight avoid lit ought TO
know better.
SHOULD boy who steals a dollar be
sent to pennytentiary
ONE who nose says the Chief of the
Nez Perces is a handkerchief.
WHY is gum-water like the first rule of
arithmetic Because it is simple adhe-
sion.
IT was on the train. and the lights
burned dimly. Said he, /" "Doo 90 ub
me?" "Es, 1 ubs co." Said vulgar
fellow on the seat behind them, "What
are yer givin' us, taffy2
STRANGE as it may appear, it is never
theless remarkable that bright-eyed
Diaz and dark ideas should preside over
the destinies of Mexico at the same
time. Quite Mexico incidence.
Mn. GLADSTONE says that Homer had
no distinct conception Of light green. 1t
was because of this fact that his mother
in-law used to boil up all her old green
wells and put them before him for
spinach.
"MY son." said Mr.. X, kindly to his
Youthful heir, saccustom yourself to be
polite to the porter, the servant girl, the
coachman. to all servants; thus you will
come in time to be courteous to all peo-
pie, even your parents.
4 MAN was earnestly looking in a
bunghole of whisky barrel, as if il
search of something he could not find
{" What are you doing ?" asked by
stander. "Why, I'm seeking my repu-
tation in the place I lost it." WAS the
mournftnl reply.
GENTLEMEN of she jury" said q
Worcester lawyer in the Court House
last week, sat the moment the police
man says he saw us In front of the house
which was burglariously entered, [ will
prove that we were locked up drunk IN
the station-house.
"WHY haven't you got married before
this time of life?" querulously asked an
old man of his nephew. "Weu, uncle, y
replied the nephew, "Tm sure it is not
my fault [ proposed to three girls
only last week, and, on comparing notes,
the whole of 'em unanimously rejected
my Offers
"I'M crazy, am I ?" says old man Lord
as the recent Mrs. Hicks tucks napkin
under. his chin, cuts up his meat, and
buffers his bread for him, with an affec-
tionate caution to be careful he don't
choke again; "then I hope to gracious
I'll STAY so. That's the kind of a
Methusaler l am. y Cincinnati Break
fast Table.
The London Lancet says piece OF
lemon bound on corn will cure 1t in a
few days. The trouble out in these lati-
tudes is that it is the general custom to
soak the lemon in the corn, which, at
this season of the year, is generally hot
But the cure is Just the same. The
lemon remains there long after the corn.
AT church fair in Pittsburgh they
had slave market. Young girls, dis
guised, were put on the block and
knocked down to the highest bidders,
the money going to the church treasury
and the goods being delivered. They
enlivened the bidding for SO much
young grace by singing "The sweet buy
and buy"
Two PASSENGERS were playing cards in
the train from Bath to London. "lts
very odd," remarked one of them.
"We've been playing a long time, and I
haven't seen a single king" Its very
natural. :" replied the other, Sc seeing that
you have the king of hearts up your
sleeve, and l have the other three in my
boot" They dldn'S play ary more after
that.
JENNIE has strict ideas about equity
in little things. When she first heard
the story of the Savior's miracle in feed
ing the multitude with few loaves and
fishes obtained from the young lads
basket, she was awed into thoughtful
and solemn amazement. Some time af-
terward, in the midst of talk about
other matters, she suddenly paused and
asked with special concern, Did they
give back the basket to that boy 2"