The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-07-20

Jones says he has heard of '' United Irish
men, - but never of a " unanimous one.'
don't bet on precocious children; the buckle
berry that ripens the quickest is the quickest to
decay.
A buxom-Iooking woman entered of the
drv goods stores in Augusta, Me-, not long since,
and asked the s. gentlemanly' clerk to look at
his caIicoes - What prints will you look at ?'
;nouired the clerk. - don't want to look at no
prince, said the young lady. 8 had rnther
Zee free-bOrn American citizen than all the
foreign princes you can bring OUT The - gen.
tIemanly'' clerk looked red in the face, choked
little, and apoogetically asked what kind of
calico he should show her.
Austin Reveie: The story is told of an old
lady who asked one of our physicians how
certain patient of his was getting along, and when
the doctor informed her that the patient in ques-
ti0n was convalescent, she said s. That s rough.
Back wander in the States l knowed two Wimmin
and n crippled boy to die of convalescent. On
one of the wimmin it broke out all over her in a
rash, and it struck in, and she died afore you
could bat your eye. But she made beautiful
corpse. They make nice corpses when they die
.of+hat, don't they, Doc?" The doctor said he
bAieved so.
A story is going the rounds about the way the
late George Peabody cook once served a certain
. delicious dish cooked in American fashion," to
n
corn and to Mr.. Peabody's horror nothing but a
Pile of bare corn-cobs came in on great silver
dish The unhappy cook afterwards explained
that he had followed his masters directions to
strip off all the outside before boilIng'' which
he had done most faithfully, not only the husks,
as was intended, but kernels also. Mr.. Peabody
shouId have done as the Irish gentleman did when
he had finished his first ear of corn-order the
waiter to put some more pase on that sthick.'
a SORRY FELLow.-GirIs, will you listen to a
few words of advice? Do not marry if you not
lind suitable husband, for bad husband is
Infinitely worse than none. Never marry
fellow who is ashamed to carry small bundle;
who lies abed until breakfast, and until his father
has opened his shop, store or Office, and swept it
out who frequents taverns, bowling saloons,
pEze fights, etc.; who owes his tailor shoemaker
vasherwoman, jeweler, barber, printer, and land
lsdy, and never pays his debts-who is always
kalking about his acquaintance, and condemning
them whose tongue is always running about
nonsense, who thinks he is the greatest man in
the neighborhOod, and yet whom every one des-
pises and shuns. We say never marry a fellow
with all or any of these qualifications, no matter
how handsome he is or how agreeable he can
make himself on occasion. He will make bad
husband
Yesterday afternoon 4 green-looking couple,
evidently newly married, called at the photo
eraphic gallery of Reals & Waterhouse and
1nnted their pictures taken. Just as Mr.. Beals
RAD cot his plate ready the man called him aside
and said he wanted to ask favor. '' was told
in Carson you look the best pictures in the State
Now. you see Sal and got hitched down there
last Monday now her folks 60 good deal on
style, and they live in the States. They never
saw me, and if | send my mug back East they II
be dead agin me sure. I'm darned sIgnt better
than look, and when people come to know me
they vote me brick. Now, what want is to
get some good lookin man to sit with Sal for a
I picture VIII YOU stand in? She's willin'.
Them big side whiskers of yours II catch em sure
and create harmony. You look like a solid cap
Aitalist, and they'd take me for a petty-larceny
thief" Mr., Beals enjoyed the idea immensely,
and sat with 80 Sal'' for the picture, which will
doubtless carry JOY into the household of the East
ern relatives in week or so.-[ Virginia City
Chronicle.
The Hornet is responsible for the following
anecdote concerning the late Brigham Young,
which, if not true, contains at all events a moral
. Last year, Brigham had severe spell of Illness
and was brought very near the end which has
now irrevOcably oyertaken him. A little crowd
OF females were noisily lamentng around their
joint-stock husbands bed, and when the clergy
man arrived to soothe the much married sinner s
dying moments, Young whispered to him to clear
the room. As soon as the women were got rid
OF, the supposed moribund begged the parson to
read him the 10Th chapter of st. Luke. The
reverend man did so, and when he came to the
verse stating that IN the next world they who are
accounted worthy to obtain it neither marry nor
are given in marriage, the henpecked old prophet
made an effort to set up in the bed. '' Min
ster,' said he - That's the world for me.
- -" T'""'"tions ! want 70 GO 70. just fix
up tol eaem; l ain particular where they
p. I've been a darnej sigh Of Il married man
O. EARTH and l calculate, III jast go s0mew here
d1n't care L5miny cake whether it's up or
( own. where | can run il as q bachelor