Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-11-01
F. u n !!

How MEAN A MAN CAN BE.-"Speak-
ing of gall" remarked an eastern printer
in a C. street saloon, s'talking of solid
cheek, never saw man who had more
of it than Pete Blivens. of Kansas City /.
Three of us used to room together there
in 1872. One night in July--it was SO bot
that if you'd chuck water on the side of a
house 1t would sizz like SO much hot iron
we concluded to 60 down and sleep on
one of the timber RATS in the river. Well,
we got on the RATS with our blankets.
Just before turning in, Pete Blivins said
he guessed he'd cool off by taking
swim. [ knew the current would snatch
him right under, but didn't want to give
him any advice, and he dived off the end
of the raft. The undertow caught and
sent him ou5 of sight in about three
minutes. AS soon as we saw that he was
drowned, me and the other chap went for
his effects. We found $3.50 in his pants
pocket and an old watch. We took 'em
up town and soaked the clothes for SO
and sold the watch for SIP Then we went
spent the money. About O'Clock in the
morning we were drinking up the last dol
lar with some Of the boys at the blue cor
ner, when who should walk in but Pete
himself in an old suit of clothes that he
had borrowed of a man three miles down
the river. And hang me if be didn't de-
mand his clothes, and the next day he was
round dunning us for the paltry $3.50.
The gall of some mems enough to paralyze
a Louisiana alligator.
A NEW STovE.-A fat citizen having
in view the purchase of a new coal stove,
was standing in front of a new store, when
news boy halted and respectfully said:
81 s'pose you've seen the new stove the
one that beats 'em all.''
81 don't know that 1 have,' was the
calm reply.
ssYou orter see this sir. They are allus
talkin' bout these coal stoves which saves
ten per cent. of fuel; and now they've got
One.''
'sHave, eh ?"
''Yes'r. saw this one going the other
day hot huff to bake an OK, an it didn't
burn any coal at all-n0t even pound. .
''Is that possible. Why, I never heard
of such thing. Didn't burn any coal at
al? ' -. -ss
ssNot an ounce, and it was throwing out
an awful heat"
sWell, that beats me. don't see how
fhev got the heat"
s'They burned wood, sir, was the hum
BILE reply.
The man tried TO coax the boy within
reach, but the lad had to go to the post
office. ~ 51 4saf3 ss-
An Albany damsel asked Of one of her
fellow boafders, a stylish dry goods clerk
at the breakfast table: why is your
moustache like my back hair?" He blush
ingIy gave it up. when the answer caused
him to blush much more. Because it's
all down. 7d ~ 80 asgI
An Illinois farmer has told his rat story
He was going out to his corn crib the
other morning he says, when he saw a
large rat with head erect, carrying full
sized ear of corn in his mouth, while at the
same time his tail was wrapped around
another ear.
Charles (playfully): "How much really
did that hat cost, Jennie?' Jennie: IF
YOU really want to inspect the bill for my
dry goods, Charles, there is way to do
i5.'' And what else could Charles do but
propose on the spot?]
When asked what he thought of free
dom, an African philosopher sagaciously
replied: ''Well, sir, freedom is a mighty
fine thing, but can't eat freedom and I
can't wear freedom, and now Use got to
export myself ee. l.s.t. e... ~, 81,
The discouraged collector again presen-
ted that little matter. "Well," says his
friend. ''you are round again?" eyes,"
says the fellow, with the account IN his
hand, s'but want to get square,
At Chinese military posts the sentinels
cry out Twelve O'Clock. and am not
worthy to kiss the ground my captain
walks on.'' The captain sleeps much bet
Ter after hearing the call.
Little Johnny ran into the house the
other day with the perspiration steaming
from every pore, and shouted: mamma!
mamma fix me; Pm leaking all over"
A boy at school, on being asked to de-
scribe kitten, said "a kitten is remark
able for rushing like mad at nothing what
ever, and stopping before he gets there"
"Fine nainsook. embroidered. makes
lovely little slips for children" says fash
ion writer. Orange peel on the sidewalk
continues to be good enough for men.
Are the potatoe bugs ripe % asked
p would-be smart youth. Il guess SOL
said his father; TAT all events you can
spend the afternoon picking them.'
ST wish to be friend to the friendlees,
a father to the fatherless, and widow to
the widowless, - said gushing speaker at
= recent political meeting.
Heaven lies about us in our infancy -
and we do our lying for ourselves when
we get older.
when tooth begins to feel as if there
was chicken scratching at it's root, it's
zine to pullet out.
When Gray said 'Eolian Tyre, awake, -