St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-12-13
Squibs.
Who ever saw ii cat nip tea.

Who ever saw Il cat nip tea.
Culture costs something. Here we
have been paying S5,500,O0O for brain
food.
To keep apples from rotting, put
them in a cool place-where there is a
large family of chidren.-LOaueH Cou-
rier.
All the signers of the Declaration of
Independence signed their names with
quill pens except One-he signed his
WitherspOon.
An author having quoted l Chron.
xiv. Is, in his manuscript, his publisher
wrote him in this wise: 1--WE have been
obliged to correct your manuscript. Did
you ever hear of such an instrument as
a going We have looked through all
our dictionaries and can fird nothing
OF it. We have printed it, the sound of
a gong in the mulberry tree" and that
must have been what you meantn
Said the late Chief-Justice Chase to
us one day, when, as governor of Ohio,
he had visited the penitentiary, "There
is where we lock up our best men. They
do not add hypocrisy to their other
sins."-DOnn Pidtt in WashingtOn Can't
tdt The reason we have for doubling
the statement that Chase spoke to Piatt
in the penitentiary, is that visitors are
not allowed to converse with the pris-
oners.-DetrOit Free Press.
To Arkeologists: ''Were you aware
that Noah was the first Arkitect ?n
Noah was not.
The cockneys, Mr.. Edison hears, are
going to ave their boots fitted with
electric 'eels.
Lady in the rural district, not famil-
lar with bicycles, to captain of the Bos-
ton Bicycle Club, who has dismounted
at her gate to inquire the road: ''No
scissors to grind to-day, my good man."
He was singular looking customer,
and in crowd of a thousand YOU would
not have picked him out for million
aire. He passed through the maj ket
with his thumbs inserted in the arm
holes of his vest, and when he reached
a fruit stand, he surprised the owner
by observing: ''YOu may measure me
five quarts of your choicest strawber
rles." "Haven't any straw berries,n re-
piled the attendant "Been out of sea-
son four months" "Hum,n mused the
man "no strawberries Well, Pll leave
my address, and you may send me a
basket of the best peaches you have.n
mo peaches in the market,n explained
the frniterer. "The seasons over.n HNo
peaches, eitherP said the strange Gus
toner, with surprised look. "'The
whole country voting for hard, honest
money, and can't purchase a few straw
berries or peaches. In the language of
the immortal Shakespeare, whittier are
We drifting?" Five minutes later he
had drlfted up to meat stall and was
trying to '.jew down" ten cents on a
calf7s liver.-NorristoWn Herald.
Hind, the actor, was once. as n des-
perate brigand, to escape from prison
by means of a file and rope-ladder.
and just as he got outside of the win,
dow, three soldiers, being on pnard
were to rush up and fire upon him, and
he was to fall dead. Out he got. ac-
cOrding to cue. Up rushed the soldiers
presented, and pulled trigger, but each
piece missed fire. They fled in dismav
but, instantly returning with other
weapons, fired again, with similar re-
suits, and the audience began Tn induj%o
III sinister manifestations when Hind
all at once fell to the ground, and with
ieariui groans and contortions DRAGGED
himself down to the foot-liohts ev-
claiming: "Great Godl | have swaI-
lowed the file ~ Theu he gave some
more writhes, uttered one long. hollow
gfoan, and expired. The audience was
appalled, into satisfied silence.