St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-03-08
Squibs.

"What is to be done with the devil ?n
asks the Buffalo Express. And the
Hawkeye replies: ''It he is through
taking proofs let him distribute BREWER
until it is time to go fol the mail"
First Student suppose it is thought
that the planets and the moon too are
inhabited" Second Student-''Well,
if there are very many inhabitants OH
the moon, they must crowd together
pretty close when it is new mOon.n
The most enterprising piano manu-
factuTers i'll this country have already
prepared their circulars announcing
that they were awarded the '.trst grand
prize" at the Paris Exposition for the
best and sweetesttoned instrument
NorristOrn Herald.
COckney Zoology Young
Lady -'Law, ma, here's heagle"
Mamma (reproachfully)-"A heagle;
oh, you hignorant girl Wy, it's howl -
Keeper of the Menagerie respectfully
faxes parding, mum, tits IA 'awk."
"John," said a dotiDg parent to her
gOrmandizing son, ''do you really think
you can eat the whole of that pudding
with impunity ?" 81 don't know, ma,"
replied young hopeful; "but guess
can with a spoon"
''What has Christianity ever done for
man ?" asked Bob Ingersoll one day on
Western train. "Well,r responded a
quiet old lady, "it has prevented Mr..
Ingersoll from being Governor of Illi-
nois."-N. Y. Commercial Ada ertiser.
The other evening a sprightly little
girl about seven years old entered u
store on Woodward avenue, and, after
considerable hesitation, she Whispering
ly inquired of a clerk, 'Do you keep
nursing bottles here ~ "We do" he
answered, and, exhibiting two or three
different styles, he asked which she
preferred. AS she was looking them
over he remarked, "It's for your little
brother, l suppose p eyes, sir, it is,"
she stiffly answered. "You didn't think
it was for my son, did you ?" Her in
dignant look haunts him still.-Detroit
Free Press.
Mr.. D., an Irish gentleman, was in
vited to dinner, lately in this city, by
well known Scotch resident, at whose
generous table he met quite number
of the hosts countrymen. The CONVEX
sation turned on Irish bulls, of which
one and another repeated several, un-
til the whole company was in a roar of
laughter. Our Irish friend kept quiet
until his patience was exhausted. Then
he blurted out: "Stay, Mr.. c., an do
ye know what 1 think ?" "Why, indeed,
what do you think, Mr.. d. ?" "Shure,
sir, and do ye know that | think, in
dade, that not more than One-half of
these lies that they tell about the Irish
are true" This may be said to have
brought down the table.
Old John Berry, who used to live
near Lake Champlain in New York
State, liked to tell big story, but was
not always consistent. One evening,
sitting i'll the village store, he said he
once drove ii horse seventy-two miles
in one day on the ice, when the ice was
so thin that the water spurted up
through the holes cut through it by the
horses cdulks. One of the bystanders
remarked that seventy-two miles was a
pretty good drive for one day. ''Yes,n -
said Uncle John, ''but it was long day
in june"
We never realize how awkward, how
needlessly stupid, how excessively and
deplOrably faulty nature is, says the
Burlington Hawkeye, so strongly as
when we reflect on the painful fact that
she never yet has been able to create a
man that will fit "a custom made shirt.
i Mark Twain thus explains his pro-
tracted illness: 81 am taking my holi-
days now. When the rest of the world
begins to take its holiday, l mean to
go to work. The longer l live the
more see the rashness of putting of
your holiday till summer. You might
die, you know"
A Milwaukee third warder gave Arch
bishop Henri ii very old and valuable
Irish Bible. The archbishop asked Nc
Carthy to read chapter from it. With
an incredulous look, Mccarthy said
"Sure, an can't your riverence rade ?r
"Yes, but not the old Irish" "Fwat
An your rIverence can't rade the fiursht
langwhich of the wor'rld2 Ye can't
rade the langwhich Adam fursht spoke
to Aver Ye can't rade the mother
TONGUE of hivin I? Arrah, fwat will We
be dOin' at all, at all, when you reach
hivin, your reverence ?r