The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-04-29
GIle9eteIliiqlsllalIers
Nasty.

Mr.. Nasty COngratuIates Himself
on the Election Ofa DoorkeepeE
for the House, of Confederate
AnteeedeutS.
CosRRDRrr Y RoADs, WITCH Is in The
State Of Kentucky, April 8, 1s7s.-The
Dustin nv Polk, the Doorkeeper, Wuz one
nv the crooeliSt things which ever hap.
pened In aciyiliEed country wich kin pay
taxes. Wat he'd he done to merit ssich
treatment? He he'd TO be electid, and TO
be electid he he'd to do ez every Dimocral
does Wich hez to be electid. BE p.omis-
ed every Dimocratic member Nv the
House witch voted for him ez many posit.
ions under him ez be, the member, should
want; and he made the promise in good
faith. He wuz eleetid, and tried like an
honest man 10 fulfill his promises. He
found he he'd 1856 places to dispose Nv and
he found that each member wantid jist
about that number, and that there Wuz
about 200 nv EN-.
The poor man WIZ in dilemma. He
used up his 1856 places the frat day, and
he threw hisself back upon his reserved
rites. "Ef 700 want more places under
me,n he sed, dsfantly, "make the places.
Ny power TO appint Is commemorate
with yoor power 70 create"
Then the Dimecratic members made .
lot Nv new places, witch he filed toWunst
with Coniedrit soljers, on the recommen.
dashun nv Dimecratic members; and
still hesupply wuz unekal to the demand.
There wux 4 hundred members howlin for
places for their frends-they he'd promis-
cd all nv em at home-for every one Wich
he he'd 10 dispose Nv; and these fellows to
whom the members he'd promised places
he'd all come on TO Washington, and
none Nv EN- he'd money enuffto get home
with. Il wuz crisis.
he and they wuz in u bad way. But
they found way out Nv it. He went to
work, and he conserved brilyant ice.
He went 10 work and appinted every hody
Rich wanted place, whether he he'd one
or not. Then be got loonatic, and raised
the pay Nv SIGH e. didn't consider their
selves properly remooneratid for their
services last fall, and he he'd everything
lovely. There wuz no trouble, for the
members he'd filled their promises, and so
he'd he. And there wuz small army
which WIZ happy, for the Government
(blessid mother 10 politikle offuntD wuE
supportin Nv EN- eE they wantid TO be
supported. ,,.,.
satisfied. They he'd TO nose in and spile
ii. They he'd TO make inquiries. aud IN.
stitoot inyesligashens, and to do all sorts
Nv uncomfortable things. They he'd the
roll paraded, and they made public the
deIikit fact, wich any troo gentleman
wood never hay tried to air, that there
wuz some hundreds OF people DRAWN sal.
aries promptly WITCH the law didn't per-
vide for, and they bustid poor Polk. He
went under, most shinin example Nv the
danger Nv promises. There shood be put
on his tomb-s,un the legend, swat he
promised he tried to fulfill, but he prom.
ised too much. Moral to the young
Never bite of more that 700 kin chaw."
But / am consoled. Polk Is dead, but
Field lives and reigns in his stead. Gen.
Field Is a man after my own heart. He
served with credit in the late war,-.under
Lee,-and Il, therefor, entitled to the
gratitood Nv every well.wisher Nv the
Southern Coniederacy. He wuz with the
lamen,ed Lee when be surrendered TO the
bloc koted minyuns Nv the tyrant Linkin,
and probably sent ez many Yanks 10 their
last homes e. any Nv the South. The Con-
iedrit soljers appinted by Polk will be
retained by Field, and ez many more will
be appointed ez he kin make places for.
There are few OF Linkin's miny uns still
hangin about the House which will be re.
moved and the troo patriots Nv the Con.
iedrit army put in their places.
i feel reloiced, for now things are ez
they shood be. The Nothern Dimocriay
hev taken their proper places, They hey
repentid in sack cloth and ashes for their
deviashen from dooty doorin the four
yeers w the war, and hey got down 10
whern they belong. We Nv the South are
runnin the Government. The gray yoon.
form Ia now a badge w honor, and We
walk the streets Nv Washington with he'd
erect, and with scorn for them ez wuz
wunst our oppressors. Wat We lost at
Appomattox, we hev regained at Wash.
ington. We control the House, next yeer
we will hev the SENT, and in 1880 Dim.
ecratic President. We nv the South will
hev all the offices, instid' nv a little over
half, and we shel then hey things our own
way, ez Nv yore. Thank Heyin, the pros
pect Is encoursgiu. / am not without
hope that may be Postmaster Nv the
Corners myself before another month
glides gently into the fucher. 10 politix,
now, almost anything Is possible.
PETROLEUM v. Nasty,