Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1878-09-26
Mnmuruus department.

sters, asked, "Do you call that LOBSTER,
Mike?" "Faix, believe they do be callin
thin Holsters here, sur. We call 'em crabs
at home" "Oh," said the diner, "You have
Holsters in Ireland?" "Is it Holsters ? Begor-
ra, the creek is full of 'em. Many time
have I seen 'em whin I've lepped over the
sthrames." "How large do Holsters grow in
Ireland ?" "Well," said Mike, thoughtfully,
ITO shpake widin bounds, sur, I'd say mat
ter of five or six feet" "What five or six
feet; how do they got around in those
creeks ?" "Bedad, sur, the creeks in Ire
land are fifty or sixty feet wide," said
the unabashed Mike. "But," said the persis-
tent inquirer, "you said you had seen them
when you were leaping over the streams, and
Holsters here live in the sea-" "Deed, I did,
sur; we've powerful leppers in Ireland. AS
for the say, sur, I've seen it red wild EN-"
"But look here, my fine fellow" said the
guest, thinking he had cornered the Hiberni-
an, at last, "lobsters are not red until they
are boiled" "Doan't I know that?" said
Mike, reproachfully: "but there are bilin'
springs in the ould country, an they shwim
throo EN- an come out ready for We to crack
open and ate." and Mike walked off to wait
upon the next guest, leaving his interlocutor
to digest the lobster, and the story.
sa| The editor of a rural weekly thus be-
gins his funny column" in recent edition
"Our readers must not expect this column to
be characterized to-day by its customary
brillancy. We don't somehow feel very fun
ny this week. Monday morning we fell down
stairs with cook stove while moving in the
afternoon two hundred and fifty pounds
weight Of humanity fell upon US with horse
whip for criticism in our last edition upon
his character, and then had US arrested for
assault and battery, fined $25 or Jail for ten
days, and bound US over to keep the peace.
Tuesday our wife ran away with a butcher,
who unfortunately was just about our size and
could wear our clothes without alterations.
Wednesday we won lawsuit about house.
The lawyer toook the house in part payment
for his services. Thursday fire destroyed
the block where our printing Office is located;
our building remained unscathed. Friday
was election, and we ran for Supervisor.
Saturday our wife came back" Any man who
can write funny articles under such distressing
circumstances, ought to be boxed up and
marked Permanent Exhibition Company,
Philadelphia, PENNSYLVANIA
s9- A colored preacher in Florida thus
held forth: my brudring, the Israelites went
over the Red Sea on the ice They got over
all safe and dat's de reason why Moses sung
de song OBJ praise. In de morning, when de
sun was up hot, Pharaoh and de egyptians
come wild deir great numbering chariots of
iron. Dey broke through de ice, and went to
the bottom of de sea-" "Stop derep' ex-
claimed hearer. II want to ask question.
I've read Geography, and Egypt's hot count
ry. It's under de Tropics, its near the Qua
tor, and dare amt no ice dere. How could
dey 20 over on de ice, an dere no ice dere~
To which the preacher, responded :"I am
glad you asked that question. Now [ can
'splain. That comes of reading Geography,
instead of de Bible My brudring, when de
chillen of Israel 60 ober de Red Sea, dat was
great while ago; before dere was any Tropics,
before dare was any 'Quator. OATS de rea-
son dere was ice my brudring."
A GLOON CAST DER THE ScENE.-"Beau.
tiful, beautiful silken hair" Philip murmured
fondly, toying lovingly with one of her nut
brown tresses, "soft as the plumage on an an
gels wing light as the thistle down that
dances on the summer air the simmer OF
sunset, the glitter of yellow gold, the rich red
brown of autumnal forests blend in entran-
cling beauty in its" And just then it came
off in his hands, land he forgot just what to
say next. There was moment of profound
silence, and then Aurelia took it from him
and went out of the room with it. When she
came back he was gone. They meet now, but
they meet as strangers, and the eyes that were
wont to beam upon each other with the ava
kened love light, now glare as though life was
an eternal wash day.-BurItngton Hawkeye.
A SHOT ABOVE THE TARGET-He was
young man of a scientific turn Of mind, and
it was his first night out with new girl. He
remarked, as he cast his eyes heavenward
and referred to the glory of the skies: "Such
stupendous wonders are entirely incompre-
hensible; one becomes wrapped in feelings OF
admiration coupled with awe, giving one
sensation of spiritual elevation, transmog-
ri6cation of earthly desires" "lt must
be the fumes from the furnaces" broke in the
young lady; "they often affect me in the
same way Wright's pills are good for the
complaint" She was all sympathy the re-
mainder of the walk, while he relapsed into
a gloomy silence, and bid her good night at
the gate without an attempt to renew the con-
versation.-Eureka (Nsu.) Leader.
s~ At the dinner of the Romsey Agricul-
tural Society, in England, a clergyman said
that the records of Romsey Abbey showed that
his predecessors in the livings of St. Leonard
and St. Lawrence received in the north
aisle their tithes in kind. They receive every
tenth COW, calf or pig. A rather pompous,
tight-laced clergyman was one day called
upon to christen child, but on asking its
name, the woman who brought it said, Il
don't know, sir its your child, sir!' my
child" exclaimed he. eyes, sir, its the tenth
child, sir" replied the woman.
sar A Mississippi boatman with immense
feet, stopping at public house on the levee,
asked the porter for bootjack to pull off bis
boots. The colored gentleman, after examin-
ing the strangers feet, broke out as follows:
"No jack here big nuf for dem feets. Jack
ass couldn't pull 'em off, massa, widout frac-
turing de leg. Youse better 60 back about
tree miles to de forks in de road an pull 'em
off dar."
TH1RsTY.-A "hard case" was interroga-
ted, the other Sunday, by a friend who had
lust seen him at church, but whom he now
found swallowing glass of brandy and wa
ter at a public bar-room: 81 saw you in
church this morning listening to discourse
upon righteousness and temperance; how
comes it that now see you here drinking ?"
81 always thirst after Righteousness" was the
answer