Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-06-28
F. U n !!

F. u II
THE OBTUsE MAN.-She was stylish
young lady about eighteen years old, and
to accommodate friend she took the baby
out for an airing. She was wheeling it up
and down the walk, when an oldish man,
very deaf, came along and inquired for q
certain person supposed to live on that
street. She nearly yelled her head off, try
ing to answer him, and he looked around,
caught sight of the baby, and said:
'Nice child, that; 1 suppose you feel
proud of him?''
''It isn't mine,'' she yelled at him.
"Boy, Ell! Well, he looks just like
you.''
SIT isn't mine!" she yelled again, but he
nodded his head and continued:
Twins, eh! where's the other one.''
She started off with the cab, but he fol-
lowed and asked:
ssDid it die of colic?"
Despairing of making him understand
by word of mouth, she pointed to the baby,
at herself, and then shook her head.
s'Yes-yes, see-tother twin in the
house. Their father is very fond of them,
of course.''
She turned the cab and hurried the
other way, but he followed and asked:
ssDo they kick around much of nights?"
81 tell you faint mine,' she shouted,
looking very red in the face.
II think you're wrong there!" he an
swered. ''Children brought up on the
bottle are apt to pine and die"
She started on a run for the gate, but
before she had opened it he came up and
asked:
'sHave to spank 'em once in awhile, I
suppose?"
She made about twenty gestures in half
minute, and he helped the cab through
the gate, and said:
''Our children were all twins, and I'll
send my wife down to give you some ad-
vice.-You seq
But she picked up hower-pot and
flung it at him. He jumped back, and as
she entered the house he called out:
''Hope insanity won't break out on the
twins!''
ADVICE FOR BOTH SIDEs.-A country
man walked into the office of a lawyer one
day and began his application:
s'Sir, have come to get your advice in
case that is giving me some trouble
'Well, what is the matter?"
s'Suppose now,'' said the client, THAT
man had one spring of water on his land,
and his neighbor, living below, should
build dam across the creek through both
farms, and it was to back the water vi
into the other mans spring, what ought
to be dene?"
''Sue him, sir! sue him by all MEANS"
said the lawyer, who always became ex-
cited in proportion to the aggravation OF
his clients. "You can recover heavy
damages, sir, and the law will make him
pay well for it. just give me the case.
and I'll bring the money from him."
''But stop,'' cried the terrified applicant
for legal advice. "It's that have built
the dam, and it's neighbor Jones that
owns the spring; and he threatens to sue
me-"
The keen lawyer hesitated a moment be-
fore he tackled his ship, and kept on. "Ah,
well, sir! you said you built dam across
that creek; what sort of dam was it?"
ut was mill dam''
ga mill dam for grinding grain, was
it,"
Eyes, it was just that
ssAnd it is good neighborhood mill, is
it,"
$50 it is, sir, and you may we'll say
So"
Sand all your neighbors bring their
grain to be ground, do they?"
eyes, sir, all but Jones.'
s'Then it is great public convenience,
is it not?''
ITO be sure it IS. would not have
tuilt it but for that. 1t is far superior to
to any other mill, sir.''
''And now," said the old lawyer, ''you
tell me that Jones is complaining just be-
cause the water from the dam happens to
put back into his little spring. and he is
threatening to sue you. Well, all have
to say is, let him sue, and he'll rue the day
as sure as my name is Barnes
The flowing reporter who wrote, with
reference to a well-known belle, "Her
dainty feet were incased in shoes that
might be taken for fairy boots" tied his
wardrobe up in handkerchief and left
for parts unknown when it appeared the
next morning: "Her dirty feet were en-
cased in shoes that might be taken for
ferry DO ats.'
"Do you know" remarked rather fast
Newark youth the other day to a SHUTTER
ing friend, to whom he was slightly in
debted, do you know that 1 intend to
marry and settle down?' 81 do-don't
know anything about II, - was the reply,
'sbu-but think you had better stay single
and set-settle up.''
A man purchased a revolver for his wife,
and insisted upon target practice, so that
she could defend the house in his absence.
After the bullet was dug out of his leg
and the COW buried, he said he guessed she
had better shoot with an axe.
The man who thought he heard the crv
of an infant in distress, and found it was
only the wall of musical cat, is now
called Jonah, because he was taken inn
by a wall.
It is said that eating onions will pre.
vent the lips from chapping. It will Ger.
tainly keep chaps from the girls lips.