The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-05-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
THE young man paced the psrior,
While she wac cleaning her teeth;
And he thought Of the brilliant dollars
OF the daddy who would bequeath.
The old man sat on the counter,
With his head bet~ his hands
And rejoioed that the girl bad lover
Who woud help him meet his demands
Both mistaken.
WHY is doctor better taken care
than his patients? Because, when he
goes to bed, somebody is sure to rap
him up.
"WHAT's honor? asks Falstaff.
That's easy. Any woman who sits be-
hid another woman in church can tell
what's on her in two minutes.
RELIGIOUS papers are discussing the
question, Glow shall we interest the
young at church ?" Offer tickets, good
for admission to the first circus of the
season, to such boys as are most punctu-
al and regular in attendance.
"I WAS not aware that you knew him,
said Tom Smith to an Irish friend the
other day. know him !" said he, IN
tone which comprehended the knowl-
edge of more than one life" knew
him when his father was boy.
A DETROIT boy stood an umbrella, with
cord tied to it, in a pablo doorway.
Eleven persons thought that that UNI
brella was theirs, and carried it with
them the length of the string.
They then suddenly dropped it, and
went off without once looking back or
stopping to pick it up again.
CRUMBS FROM TILE CINCINNATI BREAKFAST
TABLE.
The rag picker's story-The cellar.
There is some talk of changing the
name of Deadwood to Deadbroke.
"Evaporate is the latest slang for
"cheese it." 1t is equivalent to "dry
up"
Holland discounts the American Con-
gress. 1t has 10, 900 wind-mills.
1t is more blessed to give than to re-
ceive. And il is likewise blessed sight
| harder TO do.
1t seems hard to discover great man
who has not ut some time worked Ill
printing office.
The man who never does any harm
might crawl into a cave and stay there
ten years without being missed.
A st. Louis editor has gone on
months tour for recreation. He is sui
fering from scissorer's cramp in the
right hand.
There was a small boy In Nantucket;
He bought him an orange to suck it;
He bit through the akin,
| And he said, a. That's too thin"
And he threw II rip hit in the slop bucket.
Candor is q virtue in small danger OF
being cheapened by over-cultivation;
but the young man who bares his heart
on the face of postal card Will drain
the bitter cup of disappointment If he
expects to marry his first love.
In one sense the spring bonnet is a
very efficient auxiliary in the mission
ary cause. It can do more to increase
church attendance than inspired elo-
quence OF the total abolition of collec-
tons.
From out the ruins of the Detroit
Free Press fire the proprietors have
drawn one soothing consolation. There
is less spring poetry in the country by
several bushels than there was the same
time the week before.
SPICE FROM THE BOSTON COMMERCIAL
BULLETIN.
A sewer subject-Better drainage.
A man of spirit-The distiller.
A nod fellow-A sleepy bachelor.
A popular sovereign-One pound ster-
ling.
Movements on foot-The march of an
army.
The man who made a point-The
proof-reader.
The duty of man is often thought to
be what customs exact.
Ought baker to drive thorough
bred horse? Or to cracker joke?
1t is business that is unhealthy when
there is "fever OF speculation.
The way of the just man-Sixteen
ounces avoirdupois to the pound.
A gross fraud-Getting 120 buttons
for twelve dozen at one of the cheap
stores.
There is no scarcity of corn-strike
, about a foot or two, and you will find
achers enough.
SALT FROM THE CHICAGO COMMERCIAL
ADVERTISER.
A dog nd wag-A cur-tail.
A celebrated case-Schweitzer kase.
On his high heels-A kicking mule.
Net cash-The fsherman's proceeds.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES accounts.
Sharp misunderstanding a subject.
} Hairy somethings-Tresses and mat
tresses.
A syllabus-The kiss of an affected
attorney.
A red ribbon is the temperance badge,
but Wisconsin is the badger.
We have had our golden age and our
iron age, but this is Che age of steal.
Parlor matches are getting dangerous.
Gate sparks are infinitely safer.
, Can man who is financially fiat on
|, his back, ard call at sea-" float loan
: 1t is quite BETTING that the flower OF
the family should be trained in the
nursery.
= The income tax is on the carpet, but
this will not be so general as the outgo
l tacks on the carpet.
, Much has been said about the prayer
. gauge, but more concerning tie church
Q gage, which is mortgage.