Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-01-31
HuinOr.

a little praise upsets little mind.
! Golden weddings are very fashion
able, but every body can't have one.
/ Don't so to law. If YOU feel that
/ way, go sit on 4 bramble-bush. or crawl
! through a sewer.
The handsomest thing you can do
/ just now Is to hand some money to the
/ poor.
Remark by the New York Hond-
As between silver and greenbacks,
give US gold"
\ New Orleans minister is worth half
| a million dollars. There are no camels
or needle-eyes in his sermons, rest
| assured.
A Montana Justice Of lhe peace
doesn't splurge any when he marries a
couple. He says: " Arise Grab hands!
Hitched Six dollars And that is ali
there is to it,
The New Orleans Picoyune says that
Spaniards are asked to leave France
when they get too Don Carlos in their
habits.
How does the new COW answer ?"
asked one man of another who had
lately purchased cow II really can't
say" he replied, q for I've never asked
her any question"
An intelligent German thus expressed
his preference for a quack doctor: Il
wouldn't call him ov mine cat vas
dead
\ correspondent writes, asking for
remedy for an apple-tree worm"
How can we prescribe until we know
what is the matter with the worm?
A man may love his wife with the
fervOr Of a clear-draft furnace, yet he
will not smile when she trump s over
him at euchre.
A Yankee editor wishes to know
whether the law recently enacted against
the carrying of deadly weapons applies
to doctors who carry pills in their
pockets.
A widow once said to her daughter,
When you are my age it will be time
enough to dream of husband" Eyes,
mamma replied the thoughtless
beauty, for a second time"
Josh Billings says: "The mewl
larger bird than goose or turkey.
has two legs to walk with, and two more
to kick with, and wears its wings on the
side Of its head"
The Chicago Times thinks that the
silly American girl who has astonished
Edinburg by ordering golden shoes fol
her riding horse, would be q fair target
for the hind leg of mule.
A man with four bullet holes in his
body was found near Nashville, the
other day. A poem entitled "The
Beautiful Sn-" was discovered in his
pocket, and no attempt was made to APP
prehend the murderer.
What is the best remedy" asked a
preacher of a shrewd observer, "for an
inattentive audience?" GIVE them
something to attend to-" was the signif-
cant reply. Hungry sheep will look
up to the rack if there is hay in it.
A young man who left home in Con
necticut, some years ago, to seek his
fortune, recently wrote from Texas, say
ing, Eve settled here" 1t has since
transpired that he was right. He had
settled at twenty cents on the dollar.
A Kansas woman has reached the
age of one hundred and thirty years,
and it is a pittiable sight to see her one
hundred-year old son sit in the corner
and wriggle, while he sobs. Ma, kin [
go out?'
A young American prima donna, who
took lessons in Milan a few years ago,
and returned to this country disguised /
with the tyranny of italian music teach
ers, has been engaged as substitute tor |
a steam-whistle in a Massachusetts boot I
factory.
Eminent statistiaicas have calculated /
that the amount of ingenuity and labor
by impecunious topers in get
ting free drinks would, if devoted to any
honorable and useful pursuit, pay off
the national debt in little more than |
six years and eight months.
If you pass through the hen-roost with /
careful eye, just now, you will notice a
sadness creeping over the countenance
Of the old hens 1t is not simply the
knowledge that they must die, but the
thought that they must be sold for
spring chickens after they're Laid "
out,