Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-12-11

Allowing the "blues" to master YOU
is azure way Of cutting your life short.
-E1. 800. --.#.
Motto for oil we'll borers: 'Don't
strike oil until it is down-until the well
IS down, we mean.-Y onkers Gazette.
Having hired Hall, the New York
World will now he heard to better adj
vantage, perhaps.-Be6alo Erpress.
Chin Ian Pin is becoming American
lied fast. He writes us to know if he
shall roast his Turkey with the feathers
on.-Boston Post
"HOrrors on Horace's head accumu-
late!' Exclaimed Horace's mother as
she laid down the fine comb in despair.
boston Transcript.
Some of our exchanges are printing
long articles about reproducing trees.
But, strangely enough, they omit to
mention the birch, which has produced
more whacks than any other Variety
Boston Transcript.
"Brethern, before we sing the next
verse of John Browns body lies all
mouldy IN the grave let us take a look
INTO the grave and see that it is
there. In these days of Ohio medical
colleges, cemetery isn't no safer than
savings bank, and it may be that
political glee clubs, who have been
singing the song quoted above, have
been chanting a rhythmic lie for the past
fifteen years. "-Hawkeue.
"Don't liquor" is the advice we give
40 hIIc /
nolds HeraM
FRY not that pass" the old man said,
But Johnny Bull went right ahead.
England is happy again, trouncing
a boy right at Russia's back door.-Tur-
mer's Falls Reporter.
The man who pays in advance cannot
be trusted. Let this be a Warming
New Orleans Picoyune.
Ayoung lady who has young man
keeping company" with her, who is
employed in a telegraph office, calls him
the electric spark ADVERTISER.
What the ameer thinks might come
OF admitting an English Envoy las he
put it in his broken English )-"Am ERE
to-day, might be gone tomorrow
Punch.
The best anti-fatremedy we know of
is trying to carve up chunk of hard
wood with a Ratchet that was ORIGINALLY
cut out for a hammer.-Elmi Gazette.
1t takes the average women three
minutes to buy postrge stamp and lick
1t on, while 1t takes the average man
only titty-seven seconds. Please think
OF these thlngs.-DetOH Free Press.
A new invention in phosphorescent
paper, by means of which writing can
be read IN the dark. 1t is recommended
by spring poets, who sigh for words that
burn.-NeaU Orleans Picayune.
A cate eyes are said to be the largest
at midnight. We never made an ex-
animation, but we are positive that it's
voice Is about seventeen times larger
at that hour than at any other period
during the Observation-Disclosures Her.
ald
Take it home to YOURSELF is a mot
to that most people need to study. 1t
Is plain enough, and yet few people
seem to comprehend the meaning.
About the only persons who act upon
it are those who make midnight visits
to hen-roOsts.-Ronae Sentinel.
"Give me cure for the toothache.
Quick Sufferer" Place the aching
tooth near the heels of a mule, and
then touch off the mule. One touch of
mule sets all nature achin, and relieves
the patient too Immediately sudden to
think about.-Keohuk Constitution.
The shadow of crime which has rest
ed SO heavily upon Connecticut was
lifted somewhat few days ago, when
seventeen Connecticut boosters COM
pletely whipped seventeen New York
roOsters-killing the most of them, we
are delighted to MISUNDERSTANDING
Neacs
"Whatv' said young lady to a sister
companion, "you are not going to marry
that tall, lean, slender, consumptive-
stricken fellow, are your" Eyes, she
is" volunteered the young lady's little
brother, looking up from his broken
cart-Wheel; "she's going to marry him
and use him for a carpet-stretcher!
The boy and the cartwheel passed out
through the same door.
"The sneak-thiet came down like a wolf on the
While the folks in the basement were dining.
And took from the rack a coat scarce three days
Quite Respondent with fine satin lining."-
Utterly ignoring the one left over from
last year, which Mr.. Smiley had brought
down, intending to sell it for So to the
first old-clothes man that CHANGED
around.-Puck gave 5 <#tE