The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-12-17
OUHC!
Small SmatterinRs on Slippery
Subjects.

Our streets and sidewalks for the pas
few dzyshssebeen in delightful conditio.
10 break peoples legs in the morning. and
wear them out IN Welding through slush il
J the middle Of the day. In the early morn
ing they are coated With ice .s smooth a.
glass. and pedestrisni.m was = siiPpery fee
to accomplish. Probably more people fell
down this morning than during the whole
winter. and many Ioush.ble scenes occurred.
There is real solid fun in seeing . fat
man fall. There amt no half way work
about it. His short legs 6y out, and he al.
ways strikes in sitting position. with .
grunt like a prize berkshire. When the
fat man realizes he is falling. general ex-
preston Of bewildermeni and doubt comes
over his features, which as soon n he
strikes the pavement. resolves itself into
the conviction Of dead certainty.
Nothing affords the close observer Of
human nature . betier subject Of study,
than the tall of the fat lnan.
There never was . fat man fell yet, Who
did not commence his farewell address With
Z capital o! This letter has no corners on
il, and rolls easily. The words that foil ~
it are selected without mnch reference to
.lIusions. and may consist Of piety or pro-
family, according to the way the victim was
brought up-or down.
The only word that can express the whole
thing in one motion il, dan il" This,
like patent medicine, ''invigorates the
mind" and enables . man TO get revenge.
II there 10 any one spot Of earth dear TO
the fat man, it ia the place where he fell.
When he gets up he look. At il long and
sharp, and photographs it in his mind. lie
never forgeis il. He always walks care
fully around when he passes it, and you
couldn't get him to walk across it for ten
thousand dollars.
The fat woman never falls. She only
slips. shrieks ''Oh Lordy :" and spreads out
eli over the pavement at once. Her first
move is 10 get in 4 sitting posture and look !
for her specs, which are always just beyond
reach and with one glass broken out.
Then she ssys "Hey! you ~ to small
hoy, and beckons to him 10 come near,
which the small boy hardly ever does, II he
can help it.
The fat woman never thinks OF getting
up, but sits conteniediy on the sidewalk.
waiting for q lawyer, ~ abe can sue the city
for four hundred thousand dolian damages.
II . gentleman should attempt to help
her up. she teIIs him to go long and mind
yer biznes! I'll git up when get ready :"
We helped . fat woman once-halt way
mp. Then there Vas m earthquake, q tor
pado. or . three-story house fell on Us, or
something. 1t was an honr before We came
to-the fat woman and ourseif.
She come TO FIRST, and che come, too. With
the butt end of her umbrella over our head.
and We had to wait tilI We could get out Of
her reach to come to right.
Ever since that, We know that when fat
woman sits down ON the ice, she does not
want help. She wants sympathy-and her
brown veil.
When . lean man falls, things are serious.
Tor the bones crack. A lean man il always
in hurry. and when he falls shower OF
blue sparks 6y ont all over him. I don't
ARE il lean man is broken into ten pieces,
be will get right up and cuss himself to
,eiber.
Providence gave the lean man . nose to
ail on. You never saw lean man with .
'nub nose in your life.
When the lean man falls, his conversa-
ion, while vigorous for the time being. does
rot leave any lasting Impression upon the
minds of his audience. II is only two
,ours sfierward when the doctors are set
ing his arm that his remarks seem to have
my weight.
We con!d tell you how a boy falls, bu.
'ou can Just look around any where to-day
md zee forty Of EN- heels up and grinning.
We will conclude by hoping these few
ines will find you in good health. and ad-
rise you TO carry some ashes in your pocket I
q preserve it. II you ace you are going to
all, keep your presence Of mind, and be
ure 10 use the ashes. You may fali-the
shes never will, sure.