, 1878-03-15
Wit and HumOr.
A PORT Of entry-Purt wine.

Not an amusing inside-dent- lTavig
A Jaw tooth pulled.
The right kind Of woman's ritc-
The marriage ceremony.
THE Graphic asks: "Why doesgoId
fall?" Perhaps you have hole IL your
trousers pocket.
"THAT Banker of Mine" has he best
run of anything out, The edition rarely
stops short of Europe.
"Ip shuttle off this mortsl coil the
man said who was lassoed to the limb
of a tree, "if | only couu''
An intelligent German thus expressed
his preference for quack doctor; 81
.yonldn't call him ov pine cat was dead. "
"I FEAR" said lady to a sculptor,
Asthat | shall not make a good bust;'
4Oh, madam, | will make the bust" was
the reply.
SOME one will soon bring out a volume
md nut a stop to these silly book titles
II will be entitled "rhe Fool,or them an
who Buys Me-"
The LiUing Issue asks, in great mental
AGONY, "Can our girls marry drunkardsW
Whv, yes, of course they can, if the
drunk kards don't object.
WHAT is the difference between man
struck with amaZcment and a leopard's
tail2 One is rooted to the spot and the
other is spotted to the root.
IF the short man ever feels overcome
with an intense desire to be tall, it is
when he finds himself on the outside
of o crowd at dog fight.
The man who will coolly 60 to work
and get up Cat show, and then let all
the cats return safely home, should be
avoided by all respectable men.
He was bound to be accurate, and he
thus described the woman's costume
"She wore a suit Of something or other,
cut bias and trimmed endwise."
"a MAN who'd set fire to a barn, said
Deacon Slow, "and burn up five Horses
and four cows, ought to be kicked to
death by donkey, and I'd like to do it
myself"
HUMAN Jaws sell for two dollars apiece
at the seat of war in Bulgaria, and yet
the American people pay $4,000 year
and mileage to their Congressmen.-W W0r-
eester Press.
"MY dog is perfect type Of the set
ter,n man once said to to the late
Horace Greeley. ais he2 Well, I was
a type.setter once, myself" said the
great journalist.
AN old salt sitting on the wharf, the
other day, very soberly remarked: 81
began the world with nothing and have
held my own ever since" a terse and
suggestive biography. -
"WHAT decoration is that you are wear
ingl" said an Austrian sergeant to a
new recruit. The man blushed deeply
and responded, at is medal our COW
won at the cattle.Show."
A WASHINGTON correspondent says
dinner parties are conspicuous by their
rarity this seasoD.-ED. Well, dinner
parties ought to be like the roast beef,
not over r-done.-PM. Bulletin.
81 TOLD her I'd never smoke another
sigar," he said softly, sand l won't. A
pipes plenty good enough for me" and
he gracefully drew match over the larg-
est part of his trousers.
A GENTLEMAN who had very deaf
servant was advised by friend to dis
charge him. mo, no, replied the gen.
tleman with much good feeling, "that
poor creature could never hear of another
situation"
THE old Quaker carpenters advice to
his son, who was about to leave home
to begin business for himself, is in point
here. my son." said he, "if thee ever
wants to drive nail in any place, my
advice is to hit the nail"
TINE 3 A. M.--Irate practitioner: !:
''How dare you, sir, come ringing me
up at this time Of morning for no rea-
SOM" Inebrated one: "No reashonl
sure you I'm ver' i'll. Those con-
founded hiccupscome back which seized
me last week p
A YOUNG enthusiast in astronomy,
while studying the heavens from the
front platform of a horse-car, eagerly
said to the driver, "rhat bright star
over there IL Mars" as it2" asked the
unsympathetic Jehu and then he added ::
81 s'pose them dull ones is pas"
"MY son." said mother to Her little
boy, you should eat that bread and not
throw it away. 1t is very naughty To-
throw it away You may want it when
you are old" "Well, suppose | shoud2
How could l have it then, if should
eat it nOscl" replied the naughty little
boy.
A cULPRIT gave as an excuse for his mis-
doings that his londness for fine things
t,N., IN,.1 Nl,,I