The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1878-05-02
QattGty.

A baby IL necessity, but twins alWuss did seem
TO me 10 be oV speculative natur.-Josh Bllings,
Business before pleasure" as the man said who
kissed his wife before going TO see his sweetheart.
-CourierJ Journal.
Mrs, stogger-"How be your wife gettin' on
Mr.. HenpeCkinY Mr. HI be mortal glad
Mrs stogger, to say she's a.recoverIn' very slow.
lyl'-Lond0n Fun.
Eggs are only eight cents a dozen in Kosciusco,
Wisconsin, and the poorest kind OF lecturer
can't talk there without receiving an ovation
HaiOkeye.
careless printer made a dancing masters card
read; VI offer my respectful shanks to all who
have honored me with their patronage"
"Well swan, Billy" said an old farmer to an
undersized nephew who was visiting him, when
you take off that ere plug hat and spit two or
three times there amt much left of you, is th?'
What is the difference between our postofflce
and the church that has the largest clergyman?
one has the postmaster and the other has the most
pastor.-NoristOVn Herald.
"Pa is Pennsylvania the father of all the other
states?" Certainly not, my child why do you
ask that question:" Because see all the other
papers call II Pa"
The old maxim, "Be chaste, and you will be
happy, is contradicted point blank by a Black
Hill S man, who was recently chased ten miles by
a party Of redskins
Second class In grammar stand up" said the
schoolmaster. John is. Who does John CORES
pond With?" II know" said the little boy at the
foot, holding up his hand. "If you mean John
smithers, he corresponds with my sister Susan"
"Now my boy" said the examiner "if had a
mince'pie and should give two.twelfths of it to
John, two-twelfths to Isaac, and two.twelfths to
Harry, and should take half the pie myself what
would there be left Speak out loud, so that all
can hear" THE plate" shouted the boy.
The following is San Francisco advertisement.
Correspondence is solicited from bearded ladies
Circassians, or other female Curiosities, who, in
return for true heart and a devoted husband,
would travel during the summer months, and al
low him to take the money at the door"
Miss Nellie-"YeS; the letter is all right Bridget
but don't wait any longer If you go down the
road, you are sure TO meet mamma; and then you
can tell her yourself what your mother says,
Bridget-"Shure, an that's thrue for ye, Miss Mel
lie But what shall tell her If don't meet
herr"
"GiVe me some cold rice" said guest at ho-
tel to black water "Dere amt none, Sab -
Why, what's that on the sideboard In that dish
there?" DAT Sab, am cole billed rice. You asked
simply for co rice, Sab. Please be exact in your
language, Sab. Shall glib you some Job de cole
billed rice, sah?"
A German peasant, in early railway days, was
taken to see the performance of a locomotive
lie had never known carriages to be moved ex-
cept by animal power. Every other explanation
failed to make the matter clear to him. After
long retlecton therefore, a nd seeing no possible
escape from the conclusion, he exclaimed, conf
IDENTIFY, to his companion, There must be horses
inside"
Three Irishmen who had drank pretty freely Of
whisky at tavern In Dublin were loud in their
praise OF its virtues as they reeed along the banks
OF the Lifey. One OF them had Just declared that
whisky was meat and drink to man." when
his foot slipped and he fell into the river "There
Pat" said one Of his friends "you are finally pro-
vided for; you had meat and drink and now you
have washing and lodging"
Nellie has four.year old sister Mary who com.
planned to her mo her that her button" shoes
were hurting" "Why, Matte, you've put them
on the wrong feet" Puzzled and ready to cry she
made an answer "Whatll do, mamma They's
all the feet I've got"
Teacher with reading class Boy (reading)-
And she sailed down the river" Teacher
"Why are ships called she?" Boy (precociously
alive to the responsibility of his sex)-"Because
they need men to manage them"
The sudden popularity Of the phonograph in
Rome is owing to Bubbins. He bought the first
phonograph ever owned in this city, and 1t came
by express Friday evening. He took it under his
arm and stopped at several places to discuss poll
tics and things and when he got home and at
tempted to exhibit the phonograph to his wife,
that depraved instrument remarked in several
different tones "set em up for the boys barkeep-
er Whoop, HOoray Yers luck. Fill the blow
ing fowl Who's afraid of the old woman" No
more monographs in Rome.-Rome Sentinel.