The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-06-08
BUDGET OF FUN.
MIR. TUCKER>s ITEM.
BY MAX ADELER.

BY MAX ADELER
He came into the editorial room of the ar
gus, and, siding up TO the reporters table, he
took a seat, nudged up close, and SAID:
'Just take it down now, and I'll give you
good item Rcady!"
Yes go ahead"
"Well, this morning Mrs. Tucker, my wife,
you know and her daughter, Bessie, were driv-
ing out with a bay mare named Kitty, along
the river road to see her aunt"
+ 'WhOse auntr'
airs. fuckers aunt To see her aunt Bes-
sic was driving the mare, and, II little after
they passed Stapeton place, she threw one Of
her shoes"
Bessie did,"
! mo; Kitty the mare And Bessie said to
her mother that she thought she was behaving
! queerly."
{, Mrs. Tucker was?"
i 1.-THE mare and she felt so weary that she
!, had half notion to turn back"
"Are you speaking of the mare or of Besse?"
: 81 mean Bessie of course. But she kept on
limping and going kinder Uneven, until they
were down yer by the gas works, when she
! laid back her ears and"
I, you don't mean Bcssie's ears:"
/ Certainly not.'
$50 on, then Mrs Tucker laid back her
: ears
The mares ears. And just as they got on
/ the bridge over the creek, the mare gave ut
to one side, and Mrs. Tucker screamed she let
I drive with beth her hind legs against the car
riage."
, Are you referring to Mrs. Tucker or to the"
d Kitty, the mare; and Snapped both shafts
off short. The next moment before Mrs. Tuck
er or Bessie could save themselves, she went
! over the side turning complete somerset"
, you are now speaking Of the mare?"
"Yes. the mare turned a complete somerset
into the water. One Of the traces remained I'm
broken and, of course, as Kitty went over she
dragged the carriage after her, and Mrs Tuck
er and Bessie went laundering into the cnsek
The mare at once struck out for shore and
Bessie fortunately had presence ofmind enough
to grasp her by the tail She had blind stag
gers; but it had passed off,
Not Bcssie?'
mo, the mare; and as she was being lowed
past Mrs, Tucker, Mrs Tucker caught hold of
her dress"
"The mares dress ?'
"Bessie's dress of course; and it seealGd for
minute that the mare would bring them safe
ly to land. But Mrs. fuckers hold on the
mares tail loosened somehow and"
You said BESSIE had hold ofthe mares tail"
did |? Well, so it was; and Mrs. Tucker
had hold of her dress"
Whose dress ~
somehow Mrs, Hackers hold loosened and"
Her hold of whatg'
Her hold of the mare s-nO, | muSt be mis-
taken Bessie had hold of the Mares tail,
while the mare was swimming, and the mare
habitat is, Mrs. Tucker had hold of-well,
anyhow she let 60"
Mrs. TuckeIdet go?'
"Oh, | dunno; whoever had hold o. the mare
let go, and she went to the bottom like IA stone"
fol
that went to the bottom"
"My goodness, man, can't you understand?
1t wasn't the mare. The mare swam ashore"
What did yeu say she went to the bottom
for, them"
Il didn't; it was Bessie"
you never seid word about 1T
You know what mean; l}essie went to
The bottom"
And Mrs Tucker swan ashOre?T
mo she didn't, either"
Mrs. Tucker flew up in the air, them
You think you're smart, don't yoa?'
We'll go ON and tell your story; well dis
cuss that atterward. What did Bessie say
when she cot TO the bottom.'
I've got good mind to wallop yeti"
What did you say that fors"
You mud-beaded IDIOT" said Mr. Tucker,
rising, give me any more Of your insolence
and I'll tlay you alive. | was gong to give
you u SOOu lt3Il dDOuJ lHdt lnMe ana ABOUT
what Mrs. Tucker said about her turning SOM
eysets all the way home, but now III see you
hanged first"
The reporter got behind the desk, lifted up IN
chair to ward of Il missile, and then he said
calmly:
What was Mrs. fuckers object in ,turnng
sonersets all the way homey'
Those who saw Tucker emerge from the
argus office said he looked as if he had seen Il
ghost he was so white. And the Argns lost Il