The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1878-04-02
sUNBPAMS.
Song Of the oleomargarine men-''In
the suet buy and buy"

the suet buy and buy"
Never despair as long as your feel
ings and finger-nails can stand the grip of
! grief.
How shall man provide for the
future who can barely live in the pre-
sent.
Hell hath no fury" like the feminine
who scorned the imputation and scorched
the imputator.
'New music, Il Hear the Angels Sweetly
CALM All right; let 'em take the pot.
Pair of deuces is the best we've got"
A Washington woman has applied to be
appointed constable, despairing of ever
catching man in any other way.-Danbuy
Ne,us.
The paragraphists have discovered the
best method of heating a street car-Carry
a woman block further than she wants
to go. 1t will be hot enough.
A popular clergyman in England recently
gave lecture on Fools" The tickets of
admission were inscribed. Lecture on
Fools. Admit one." There was large
audience.
There is nothing more mortifying to o
man who Is anxious to be published as q
hero than to seize a drowning woman
by the hair and then have the hair come
"The funeral was all that could be ex-
pected, says an aged lady who looks upon
these events with an artistic eye. "The
| display Of flowers was grand, and the widow
wept like a born angel"
When Longfellow was presented to Mr..
Longworth, Of Cincinnati, the latter re-
marked: "There is no great difference in
our Names" "Yes," replied Mr.. Long
fellow, "but worth makes the man, the
want of it the fellow. ;" - '.''
A young man just engaged on q ranch
in Truckee, CAL, was set to driving yoke
of cattle, and at noon, when he wanted to
feed them, was observed trying to unscrew
their horns in order to get the yoke off the
animals.
"That's the sort Of umbrella that people
appropriate" said gentleman to com
panion one morning. showing him a very
handsome silk parachute. Yes" rejoined
bis companion quietly; II thought so when
saw you holding it.
The deacon of o Washington church,
while recently counting over the collection
money, found an old and faded piece of pa
per, which proved to be his own nearly out
lawed note for $50, which the holder,
unable to collect, had turned into the treas.
ury of the Lord.
The following message recently passed
through the Chicago ofice:.'I lent you
one year ago tonight $4.S7. If you have
not had it long enough, please keep it one
year longer" To this delicate hint this an
swer was returned, "Had forgotten it
and hoped you had. Let her run another
year." ~
A gentleman addressed his servant:
James how is it that my butchers bills
are SO large, and I always have such bad
dinners?" Really, sir, I don't know; for
l am sure we never have anything nice in
the kitchen that we don't send some of it
upto the parlor."
One of the Northampton Union Relief
Associations lady visitors was rather non-
plussed the other day while going her
rounds. She found woman who claimed
to be in great need of help, and asked her
to name her necessities. The reply was,
Tea, coffee, sugar and -four, and we are
about out of blueing"
eyer go'n spend every cent what I bring
yer home for striped stockins, an ther amt
nuthin' to eat in ther house." is what q
drunken man was telling BARRIERS pole,
when policeman arrested him the other
day. When taken to the station-house he
said he "guessed he could erect his
wife if he wanted to, 'thout bein' rested"
,,isaaS4
Once, when Rowland Hill was preaching
for public charity, note was handed to
him in the pulpit, inquiring ''if it would be
right for bankrupt to contribute to the
collection? ?" He referred to the inquiry,
and answered it firmly in the negative. He
then added, "But my friends, would ad-
wise you who are not insolvent not to pass
the plate this evening, as the people
will be sure to say, There goes the bank
rupt."
A Milwaukee man, who deposited one
hundred dollars in bank, and was told the
interest would be five per cent, came
promptly at the end of the year with five
dollars in small currency to pay that in
terest. When told that the five dollars
went the other way, he looked up in aston
ishment, and went away wondering why o
man should pay him for being allowed to
take care of his money whole year.
"Hav ye gat air clock to sell-somthin'
noice, for present to me sisther?" "We
have all kinds of clocks" replied the
jeweler - ''twenty-four hour clocks and
eight day clocks, from 81. SO up to 5000 in
price. Here's one that will just suit you
fine French clock, worth $15." "Divil
take yer Frinch clock! Give us wan that
me sisther kin understand whin it sthrikes!" I"
-OH City Derrick
The Colonel of a sub-lieutenant, on a
sick-leave furlough from India, heard that
the young man was contemplating mar