Connecticut western news., 1878-05-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

Let him that would move the world, first move himself s.s'7 1"t
 -Seest thou a man diligent in his business, he shall stand before kings.
 Definition of a huff. A thing that holds a young lady's hand without squeezing it ....s.....an.4
 It is by what we have done, and not what others have done for us, that we shall be remembered by after ages.
 -Ingratitute thou marble-hearted fiend more hideous when thou shewest thyself in child than sea monster
 Every person has two educations, one which he receives from others, and one more important, which he gives himself. , n.yl5 cal ut
 --"Love is an internal transport 1" exclaimed an enthusiastic poet. "So is a canal-boat," said an old forwarding merchant. "'' .r. ".'' .''A
 Beginning again. When man is making love to widow he always feels as if he had to begin where. the other fellow left off. .H..s.. .rno IA
 Alas if the principles arc not within us, the height of station and worldly grandeur will as soon add & cubic to mans stature as to his happiness.
 The elder Dumas used to say, "The man who abuses me does not intend to ask for loan of money; therefore I have fair offset for his words"
 When parent finds his boy reading dime novels and "boys' papers" it is not bad idea to search his pockets for pistol. Usually he will find one.
 -"Shall we gather at the riverP" We'll, that depends If it is Fall River there won't be much chance to gather anything after Chace and Hathaway.
 What is even poverty itself, that a man should murmur under it It is but as the pain of piercing maiden's ear, and you hang precious jewels in the wound. ...., ,.tt.-.'a snt
 --Josh Billings says: Before man delihr,tely makes up his mind tew be rascal he should examine hisseh clussly tew assertane eff he ain't better konsti- footed fur phool." !' '3af oT
 A Minnesota girl has been serving on a railroad as brakeman in male attire. She gave civil answer to the questions of passenger, when her sex was at once suspected.
 A boy will make pretty good time when he's sent down town for raisins but give him coal oil can and you'd better put a mark on him so as to iden- tify him when he comes home.'
 An exchange wants to know "What constitutes pauper ?" Ask the man who owns $500 farm mortgaged for $1 ,O0O. Yes; and he will smile and chuckle and answer, "The man man who owns the mortgage " ,, .o!,ghgo,
 The Lafayette (Ky.) Courier says "A we'll known citizen on North street wss startled by little six-year7old at h,s table who, with quaint, queer and ouizzical expression, asked, What do you think about Beecher now?",j,1,
 A son of Erin, in Omaha, described it this way: "Sme. I got licked all over in about two minutes, but I made up my moind not to stay licked, an kept on till I got the best uv him, an he yelled for bloody mercy, begorriPs
 A Hancock county (Ky.) candidate thus announces himself "Being in a close place and desiring to pay my debts, and believing that the office of Assessor would assist me iD doing so, have concluded to become a candidate.
 A lady with fatal squint came once to fashionable artist for portrait. He looked at her and she looked at him and both were embarrassed. He spoke first: "Would your ladyship permit me, he said. s'to take the portrait in profile? There is certain shyness about one of your ladyship's eyes which is as difficult in art as it is fascinating in nature"
 A lady says engagements are very unsatisfactory sort of affairs, for if you are not very polite and attentive the gentleman thinks you do not care for him, and you are afraid to be polite for fear the engagement might sometimes be broken off, when you would be sorry to think you had wasted so much sweet ness on some other woman's husband.
 It happened in this wise: They were coming off the steamer across the plank together. She was afraid, the plank would tip and she should fall He said, "Never fear. In that case we shall die together" She looked into his face and said, eff it's all the same to Providence, I should much prefer to live together" And the next week the parson tied the knot. sa .. :. s.,t5