Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1878-05-03

how lonesome he was without her,f ana
how like grave the empty house
seemed, and how the hours dragged
over his aching heart with leaden feet.
And in three days she came home, and
filed the solemn house with sunlight
and laughter again.
The evening after her return to Bur
lington she took down the phono-
graph. .. t.atI
"I wonder" she said, "what we
said last in its hearing. It must have
been something while we were discuss
ing my visit. Or maybe it has caught
some of your poor, longing meanings
while was away"
And then she turned the crank.
"No," croaked the phonograph, IN
tones of hearty reinsurance, no dan
ger of that; she is safe in Keokuk for
three days; saw her safely off, myself,
this morning. Light your cigar while
light another lamp and make the
room look cheerful" "
why" exclaimed Mrs. Barstinglow
in countenance of amazement, what
on earth is it saying?"
"Oh, some nonsense some of your
visitors have talked into it some time
or other" replied her husband, nerv-
ously; people talk all kind of stuff
into phonograph, you know. They
say anything for talk
Mrs. Barstinglow, looking only half
convinced, gave the crank another
turn.
This is good whisky, Barsty," ejac-
ulated the machine, very earnestly.
g You don't get it in Burlington, do
youP"
Mrs Barstington gave little shrek.
"My dear" said her husband, look
ing now quite rs worried as he had
looked when he was begging her not to
90 to Keokuk, "put it away; somebody
has had it out in the stable, and it
might say something perfectly shock
ing, you know; put it away"
But Mrs. Barstinglow, upon whom
tho opirit of invootiSation had doeoond-
ed with great power, ground away,
and the phonograph, in a voice mar
velously like her husbands, went re-
morselessly on:
" Not much; they don't make this
kind now. It's some old Monongahela,
copper distilled, that MrN Barstinglow'
mother gave her for medicinal pur-
poses three years ago. Fill up, there's
plenty of it, and can replace it with
any kind of beverage when it's gone.
The old girl won't know the differ
ence"
Mrs. Barstinglow felt herself turning
to stone, but the next turn of the crank
brought out an uproarious--
"Ha, ha, ha! Here's to the o. gn'
That famed her cheeks into flame.
" For mercy's sake, Malachi Barsting-
low," she shrieled, "what does this
meanPn
Mr.. Barstinglow now looked as though
he really did wish she had never gone
to Keokuk.
" It's just as tell you," he said, with
an effort to look unconcerned that was,
GJzr, I1or er-5 ,lpuci- rorrrurd~~SeJ esIa-
cerned, somebody has been talking
all sorts of nonsense into it for talks
sake. How else could it get hold of
such dreadful stuff in our dear little
home, loveyP"
Mrs. Barstinglow didn't say, but she
turned away and the phonograph asked
carelessly:
Throw round for the dealp"
She thought she would faint but she
didn't, and the pitiless machine pro-
ceeded to remark, with variety of
voices:
Its my age" You'll have to
straddle that blind if you come in"
"Give me two cards. Chip one"
I'm see your little one and raise you
a couple Push the bottle this way,
Ben" "Ain't you going to stay in,
HarryP" Can't stay in on a pair of
skies" "Call YOU" 1.-Two small
pair, king to head" Tens and deuces.
Take the pot" ''Barsty, get us some-
thing to eat. Old girl left the cupboard
keys, didn't sheP' eyes; told her
was going to keep back at home, to save
expenses and keep out of bad company.
- ma, MA, ma! no! no! no!!!
"Ohr' yelled Mr. Barstnglow, una
BILE to contain himself any longer, while
his wife, more dead than alive, leaned
over the phonograph and ground away
at the crank in dazed kind of way.
"Oh! keep it up! That's right! keep
her a-going? Grind it all out! Con-
found the diabolical piece of black art
and the vile assassin that invented it.
Keep it up! That's right! Believe a
senseless diabolical piece of monstrous
mechanism rather than your husband.
Keep her a-going! Keep it up!''
And Mrs. Barstinglow did keep it up.
She keptit up and listened to that pho
nograph swear and shout and howl.
She heard it shrek: "Oh! my eye, my
eyer She heard it tell some one to let
some one else "have it again in the
same place.; she heard it warn some
body to "hold his head over the stove
hearth, and not let his nose bleed on
the carpet" and at last, as it assured
her, very thickly and with some diff
Guilty, that it was g a ban of jorry goOf
fuf-fuf-fellows,n and that it "won' -hic
won Como till morning " che ground
it into silence, and sank back, speech
less and breathless, while Mr.. Barsting-
low took the phonograph out into the
back yard and smashed it into SO many
and such small fragments that il
couldn't reproduce even steamboat
whistle.
And now when people go over to the
BarstinglOw' to spend a pleasant even
ing, and happen to say: "What have
you done with the phonograph, Mr..
Barstinglowpn it affords the visitors en-
tertainment for the rest of the evening
to study the different expressions which
creep over the faces of Mr.. and Mrs.
Barstinglow, while Mr.. Barstinglow, as
he answers the question, thinks he
would give ten thousand dollars if he
could find out how the members of the
Photographers Association tell lies so
easily and make them sound so marvel
ously like the truth. th.-Burlington Hack
Eye.
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