davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-01-18
WIT AND IIUMOR.

WIT AND IIUMOR.
w"We had shortcake flor tea," lit.
tie girl said to neighbours boy. to whom
che was talking through the fence.
$50 did we," he answered; Every
short-so short it didn't..go round"
~ The brownest wedding we have
heard Of took place in Tuscaloosa few
days ago. The groom and bride were
Mr.. David l.. Brown and Miss Minnie
Brown, and the ceremony was performed
by Rev. John Brown. and the reception
was given by Mr.. Henry Brown. Miss
Minnie Brown has brown eyes anil was
attired in brown rousseau, while Mr..
David Brown was likewise dressed ina
brown suit. Altogether, the occasion
was q brown affair.
THEY MISSED a DAY.-The lawyer
perceiving that his eloqucnce had put
the court to sleep, stops speaking. and
the silence naturally awakens the judy
es. He continues his argument, say
ing:
And now let me return to the point
that l endeavorcd to,,make clear to y.ur
Honors yesterday
The judges stare at each other, and
are perfectly convinced that.they have
lost whole night of his speech.
EVT Mice can live anywhere comfor-
tably but in church. This proves that
they can't live on religion any more than
minister can.
TRIAL BY jury, OR How IRIS Done.
The jury then retire to consider their
verdict. \
Foreman-Well gentleman, what shall
it be? For the plaintiff fl,-
600;
Number Two-Nonsense. You mean
the defendant. He was in the right
ard nothing shall make me give in if
stay here all night.
Number Three-Don't say that. be-
cause have dinner party at z.
Number Four-And / promised my
wife to be back at 6.
Number Fire-I say ditto TO Mr..
Foreman. Only make it farthing dam
ages. Nothing shall move me from
that.
Number .Six-Which was. the plain
tiff.
Number Sevcn-Why, the one who
refused to pay the bill. don't you know?
Number Eight-Lor' bless me;
thought he was the.deiendant.
Number Nine-Come gentleman, it's
getting late. Make up your minds. l
don't care which you give it for f.; in fact,
thought both sides in the wrong.
Number Ten-Did you? | thought
both sides in the right.
Number Eleven--Its no use talking,
/ tell you mean to stick to the defend.
ant.
Number Twelve-And to the plain.
tiff. Damage $1,000. Not a penny
less; mind you, not penny less.
Foreman-I see gentleman, we must
decide in the usual way. will toss the
shilling if you will be kind enough to
cry heads or tails.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-01-18

FnE Publications. We win sup
ply DIR. FcoTE's Free Pubics-
katzshs lions " GrGfliiOas Adrice 10 khS
Sick" 05ToGd az rel a. NJ home a circular Of
value 10 the sick. EfidcHcss OT fr. FOOtS's
Sucress: a sixty page pamphlet, Jrss by mail
Send for them
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-01-18

EOR Zephyr Worsteds, Notices Card boards.
IL &c. go 10
GlLKESON. PUGH & VANCE.
A large lot Of white and gray blankets and
~ comfortables, being sold az remarkably
low figures, by
GILKESON, PUGH & VANCE.
Dec. 81, 1877.
SUPERIOR Turkish Morocco Valisses and
- Zinc covered Trunks-for sale by
GILKESON, PUGU q VANCE.
( ,HOlCE n o. Molasses and Swaps and beau.
~ uful Cap Honey-for sale bv
GILkESON, PTGH & VANCE.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-01-18
JACKSON'S
j L 5 I 5 w L ET NAVY
Cheering Tobacco i!

WE take pleasure 30 recommending these
goods TO our friends as being the finest chewing
tobacco on The market For sale in all sbapes
by FINK BROS s. CO., Baltimore. " b.
Freight paid both ways 90 not entirely satsrac
tory. Aug 90 Is7T.-Zug
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-01-18
5000 Pianos for go.

And All other styles IN the sarre pronorin1. 10
GLIDING Grand square ard Urrieht-ai. tr'i-
elass sold direct to The Psopis ~ (qc'orV priss'
No agents; no commissions no discounts -
These Pianos maze one NJ the finest displays ~
the Centennial Exhibition, and we're unsuimous-
ly recommended Tor the HiguEsr HOgoRs. Beg
ularly incorporated Manufacturing Co. Nev
Mant factory one o. the largest add finest 10
ihe world. The Square Grands contain Msihu-
sbok's uew patent Duplex Oversiiung Scale. the
greatest improve ment IN the history Of Pano
making. The Uprighls are the fnssf % ArTi.l.
Pianos sent on trial. Don fail % write Tor u
Illustrated and Descriptive Catalogue, mailed
rec.
MENDELSSOHN PIANO CO.,
No. IS Broadway, y. Y.
April %. 1877.-1y.
IN LEATHER GOODS-A splendid stock of
n City made Of varions kinds for Ladies. Mss
% and Children. Men and Boys, a very exien-
sivc stock Of Eastern work Of all descriptions
and OF excellent quality.
GtLEESDN PUGU & VANCE.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-01-18
NOTICE.

A IL persons Indebted 20 the Estate or sam
"a uel Hook dec d are hereby notified to
come forward and pay the SAINT ut once and
save costs ne ! am compelled 10 close up the
said estate And All persons having claims n
ga,nst said estate are requested to present %
same for payment az once.
WIN. s. HOOK,
Executor Of Samuel Hook, decd.
Nov. %. 1S77...4w.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-01-18

ne jury returned after few minutes
absence. Verdict for the plaintiff
damages forty shilling Punch.
TIE LATEST CURIosITIEs.--A fenco
made from the ratings Of a scolding
wife.
A plate of butter from the cream ola
joke.
The small coins in the change ofthe
moon"
The original brush used in painting
the signs Of the times.
The latest contract with the trade
winds.
The chair in which the sud sets.
a garment for the naked eye.
A buckle to fastcn on n laughing
stock.
An animal that drew the inference.
An egg from a nest Of thieves.
A bucket of water from "Ali's WE'LL"
Soap with which man was washed
oyerboa I'd.
The strop which is used to sharpen
the waters edge.
A portion Of the yeast used in raising
the wind.
The saucer belonging to the cup Of sor.
row
Hinges and lock from the trunk oran
elephant.
a feather from the wings Of n flying
report
IVr"Thc sentence of the Court is
said Judge Porter. popular Irish mag.
istrate, 70 n notorious drunkard, that
you be confined in Jail for the longest
period the law allows and hopo you
will spend the time in cursing wills.
key u will Sir and Porter, too"
I0'"Rise, Georgia" said an indus
trious small farmer in our ncighborhood
10 his cowherd the other morning, rise
Georgia, for the suns up" It's time
for him. retortod The you'hfJl herd.
yawning and rubbing bis eyes. "f1r hc
was ma up a yesterday. Sc Go not
question, considering the state Of the
weather, but that Dean Swift would have
dubbed Georgia y wit
A0~ li the gossip i- not ln her own
''n1o, sue l4 i'm .1frUI.1,... r
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-10-18
THE ELECTION or UNITED STATES SENATOR.

1870 -. ,-.-,.r,-,, .,.,,erN,r.p
III LIN "a ,,. a., ,c 80
D.. -, T,mos
Tb,r,b !. !. ,robabIv considered dread
T., ;oEr;,,on, q, tho -;ob,s of tho voter
I.- s,,oo of ,bo v;-,nors bolters of the Third
n;-,,i,, :, !. rere-,belesu the ease that the
-, C,..., ro,,;,os tho ro,.s for limited
GO. h. or b., oron ,,ord q,
loaLe,I .tor
-
-f...
l., IL
~. IL II. L,, os
>, o,o
-. ~, 60 m :, o,,ro1 bv
=, E.. H. .o,o
-, >, ,oe,,o Lie o,,os
n. ,...,.,I Ill h.,. ,Lroo
-, 60 no, h;s ,on,ro. bo
-. %, 40 ro .o,,aod j., h;s
H., .ho. ho ro,od bo,oro
l 10, 1,, 10 sn3 tho,
l. ~. ,o,,,orlr ro,od c,r o,,c,lv tho man no
Iii -. i,,o,i 70 ro,o Gov .,d bo ,0,st r;so
~ .,.,.,, 81. ro,o haze bor,ro roy
known half n dozen cases of this kind to occur
i, the election of a Senator. The members.
,,,s,crd,v GOT along with the ,;ro ,,cs vot;ny
rcmorkablv we'll Now and tho, one would
r,tc far Justin NJ. Morrill, O, Justus s ditto.
and one confused Democrat at first an
uounccd his vote as for Justin s. Dickey"
las, ,brro WAS less fun and fewer yotes need
ina, c,-r,c,;on than usuaI send Won a
ro,,,,,i,n ,c,or, or the bsndsome s,eecb in
.,;,l S.t.. p.u,ri .o,,,aod NJ uorr;l,.
,o,,.;,,,;or IN tho Sono,o md ,one IF tho
s,ooc,,,. u,. tct,or worth vo,r snace In
-, H. %, NJ uorr1l .s os.o,;,oIn
,o,,.ino,.I o,,a second.d cJ Di.kov w,s
rrcsertcd A. a good Democrat seconded bv
tho member from Troy a. n good Grecn-
t.,.,,... .,,I yo,o,ioI ai,o Lu AZ, S,,aIlo,
= p..I;., .,;, ,Lo, "a n o,II
-, -,
49,,
60 -. - n,n,o.r.,,
- - = CsIato.,o- ,n.,,i
'' ','' va, ~ -
'''' '','
nm, -, =,
-. - L., >, A.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-10-18
by GEO. N. oCKFoRD. NJ.

by GEO. N. oCKFoRD. NJ. h.
The subject Of public hygiene has oecu-
pied the minds of a large number OF think
ing men the world over, especially where
civilization extends. and wo find in Europe,
ia every country, sanitary police, 10 the
shape Of health OficerS and boards. and
even japan has its Imperial Board Of
Health with local boards subordinate
thereto Are these boards necessary? is a
question asked and What is the object 10 be
Outlined? The first question We can an
swer decidedly in the affirmative and the
object to be obtained is no less than the
preservation of human life. Tho medical
profe. sion Is supposed to be the conseryator
Of human health, but medical art and
science arc but feeble protectors
when community is invaded By fatal
disease, a. an offspring of neglected sani
tary laws. We need only to refer to the
old world to show how cholera i. q constant
resident of the Gangetic delta, among its
docsying matter and filth to the plaques Of
London and Egypt. now things Of the past
almost, through the exertiOns of sanitary
police and HYGIENE improvements. In
Eurupe and the United State, cholera
comes most often, stays longest, and is most
destructive in the densest and tlthiest
cities The terrible yisitations oil yellow
fever ia our Southern cities ali speak to uS
in tones Of warning and show us how
powerltss the medical profession Is to stay
these scourgos that dcclmate tho inhabl-
tants. ILese plaques are never stopped
until sanitary science comes t. the front and
wages war Of determination upon filth.
Fatal epidemics Indicate laulty drainage
and disregard OF sanitary laws. To carry
out these laws boards OF health become
necessary Tho individual does not con
ctru himself about tho care OF tho masses.
Ii Is every b0dy's business, and so becomes
nohljy'- Tho sanitaran cleanscs the city.
and aharc- all nuisances injurious to health,
in spite Of even the claims OF property Vt
liberty. The lew must suffer that many
may live At the approach II fatal
epidemic, ~ in the South daring the late
yellow lever, persons ignorant OF sanitary
science become panlc-stricken and aban-
don the sick dying and dead,
which become a iruitlul source OF
tho spread OF the virus, until tho at
mOsphere laden with the germs OF disease
destroys wi ole people. A current OF air
carries these germs hundreds and thousands
OF milel. leaving death and desolatiOn to
mark its track. A sanitary people when
threatened by such an incursI0n, removes
everything upon which it can lind shelter.
They cleanse all streets. alleys courts,
wharyes, vessels. private and public buili-
ings and vacant lots, remove all filth, pre-
vent the sale of unwholesom0 food, care for
the sick, isolate those affected with con
tagion, and when tho foe arrives he is met
without the city by an army Of ozlniz,d
air, the great aDnihiator OF germs and
animalcuae. General Butler. in New
Orleans, armed his soldiers with brOOms
and yellow fever, almost perennial in its
visits, found no indus, and under
circumstances that had always been promo
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-10-18

MONTPELIER. Oct. IA, 1878


To the Editor Of the Free Press and Times.
Saturday morning last, the House was
without quorum, and that fact being eS-
tablishel by a call of the roll on motion oil
Mr.. Monahau, there was nothing left 20 do
hut to adjourn. The House met and ad-
iournel. Saturday afternoon. without doing
any business but this morning some work
was done. Judge Poland's bill providing
for Investigations into the management otthe
University of Vermont by the Supreme
Court, was passed without opposition, and
without a quorum being present. Judge
Poland made a brief explanation cfthe nature
and purposes OF the bill and the part taken
by him in its preparation. lie said, in
substance, that it provided the only
way by which the people could reach
decision upon the question whether or not
the agricultural fund had been misapplied.
After the passage Of the bill, Judge Poland
stated that he should not press the resolu-
ton of investigation, for, under that, the
Legislature could do no more than pass such
bill Is the one under consideration, since
they were precluded from direct interference
with the charter. The passage of the bill
10y the House was foregone conclusion, but
the rag in which it was passed was some
what disgusting to an observer. 1t certain
ly is an important measure, but there was
not a quorum present to consider and vote
upon it, and there did not seem to be
friend OF education on the floor who had the
wit or decency to suggest that 1t might be
well to reflect or debate whether the pro-
visions Of the bill were the best adapted to
carry out its purpose.
A bill to abolish quacks in the profession
of dentistry was introduced in the Senate,
and another for the advancement of anatOmi-
cal science and to punish body-snatehing
these. together with the bill to establish
a board Of health, are framed for the protec-
ton of our bodies before and after death.
The bright and pleasant weather and the
Senatorial contest have brought very con-
siderable number of strangers to town.
II has been said in some quarters that
Gen. l.. G. Kingsley is not candidate for
reelection to the Office of Quartermaster-
General. am informed that at the unan-
imous request of the officers and men of the
National Guard, Gen. Kingsley is again in
the field. Yours, Il
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-10-18

Tie result Of the Senatorial! election, at
Montpelier, Tuesday, j. one upon which the
Republicans and the People Of Vermont gen
era!ly are 70 lie congratulated. The rc-clcc-
tom Of the Hon. Justin ). Moyrill had from
the start been practically 4 forCsone con-
clusion, il being plainly apparent that his
return t. the Senate WAS demanded by an
overwhelming majority Of the members Of
the Legislature rs OF the Republican voters
Of the State. In his re election the people
Of Vermont have the assurance that for six
years longer they will he represented in the
United States Senate by man of experience,
Of wisdom and Of culture "A statesman OF
National reputation, man whose name has
become a synonym for honor and integrity.
such i, he v HON Vermont delights to honor.
During his long and useful career OF twenty
tour years in the public service, Senator
Morrill, has reelected honor upon
himself and upon Vermont, and has
served well his constituents and his
country; ard during the coming term,
with the maturity of experience and Of years,
of thought and of study, be will DO better
service than ever in the legislative halls of
the Nation Again We say, the State and
the country arc to be congratulated on his
reelection
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-10-18
Judge Peland'> Withdrawal.


To the Members ef'fhe General IssfD,biy;
Considering the changed political COM
plexion Of the United States Senate alter
next March ; that Mr.. Morrill, had been
honOred with seat in Congress much
longer than any other man from Vermont
that he had arrived at an age when men
usually retire from active business, whether
public or private, | supposed that he
would feel that he had received
his full share of public honors and
would choose to retire. In such case
my friends thought it not unreasonable
that | should take his place. | learned,
however. that such was not the purpose OF
Mr. Morrill, hut that he desired to be
elected for another term. | made no el1rt
to influence in the slightest degree the
nomination or election of any man to the
Legislature, desiring that that body
should be wholly free and unbiased
upon that question. Alter the election |
made some efforts to ascertain the views OF
the members elect. and was satisfied that a
verv considerable proportion, if not major
ity, of the Republican members would prefer
me for the place. In that belief consented
to the use Of my name AZ n candidate Tor the
position. am now satisfied that majority
of the Republican members will vote Tor Mr..
hUTTlll. ut lutEt iutl illhl dui uul llhCiS "
receive majority OF votes does not particu-
larry discompose me- But do not like to
stand in opposition to what appears to be
the sentiment of my political associates.
But more than this. am informed there are
many gentlemen who are greatly embarrass
ed by my remaining in the field ~ candi-
date. They believe that the interests of the
people of the State and of the Republican
party will be best promoted by my election.
Their own personal wishes and Judgment
call upon them TO vote Tor me. 1t is
iorcibiy claimed ard asserted to them that a
majority of their constituents desire them
to vote for Mr. Morrill,. | do not desire to
place my friends or keep them in such
dilemma The above reasons, in my judg-
ment, are sufficient why should decline to
have my name rrtsented as a candidate to-
morrow LUKE p. POLAND.
Montpelier, October nth. 1873.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-10-18
7VtTUHyl
NJ. II BC,EHAu
FROM the t. Adams Messenger. oct. liih
senator Morrill, INDICATED.

EJii., ,f N,,,rHqs, l ird in your paper
of Thursday evening last. letter signed +.
D. Douglas, Of Whiting, IN which Senator
Morrill, il accused Of a positive peryersion OF
the Agricultural College fund, which the
Senator was instrumental in creating. am
sure that you will not Intentionally do any
inlu-iicc to our excellent senator, hut will
rather gladly see him vindicated
was charged, with other member OF the
the Legislature OF lS14. with the task Of in
ycstigating this matter, and ! Tcgerd 1t as
my duty, both to Mr.. Morrill, and to the
Vermont University and State Agricultural
College, to state the result to which the com
mittoe arrived, majority Of whom entered
upon the inquiry with "A strong suspicion
that the agricultural fund had been mis-
applied
do not dosbt Mr.. Douglass has for some
years believed his charges to be true; for
he, with other gentlemen, has been per
sistently making them in various parts Of
the State; and induced two Investigations
by legislative committees. neither of which
found them to be true This highly in
furious charge upon Mr. Morrill,. as trustee
of the college, is of course based upon the
assumption and belief that the college has
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-10-18

OUR Legislators who care to know tle
fats with reference to the use made Of the
Congressional fund by the University and
State Agricultural College, will find them
accurately stated in an article in our paper
to-day, copied from the Springfield R,yaj-
hodR of year ago. The Biennial Report Of
the Trustees Of the niyersity, just publish
ed-the last report in the volume Of Reports
Of State officers for this year-shows that the
Institution has continued its efforts for the
practical instruction and benefit Of the
farmer, during the past year \
second course of Veterinary Lecture
has been given, in twelve countic-,
and a series Of Fam Experiments
is in progress on ssrsatsoq farms in various
parts Of the State, conducted with the co
operation Of the farmers, under the direction
OF the College, which al-1 furnished the ma
terials. To these mct-ures, the College will
add, the ccmin. Wintcr,a series Of Farmers
Institute, conducted ly Prof Atwater. of
Connectient, P.of Cre,y, Prof Smyth and
Prot. Perkins. The College is doing its
utmost, with the means at its disposal, to
meet the needs and demands Of the great
agricultural interest Of our State and We
are glad to know that its efforts nc apprc-
GATED by the casdid and intelligent farmers
Of the Safe.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-10-18

There is the more need of such protection
from the fact that other States around us
are adopting stringent laws which are ike
ly to drive the tramps from their borders
into ours A bill is before the
Legislature blouse bill No. ., introduced by
Mr.. Bliss, of B.adfordD, which defines any
man, of over Il years, going about from
place to place, begging or subsisting upon
charity, to be a tramp and Furnishes him BY
imrrisonment in the Stato's Prison for ID
months, which penalty is increased tot
years in the case of any tramp who enters
dwelling house, or kindles fire on the high
way or on the land of any man without his
consent, or carries Il frcarm, or
threatens injury to any one. II he
does any injury to anybody's person
or property he may be sent to
the States Prison for five years. The bill
also gives to "any person, upon view OF any
offence described in this act authority to
arrest the tramp, and take him before a
Justice Of the Peace, and gives each person
making such an arrest ten dollars reward
therefor if the tramp is convicted. The
Justice of the Peace in such case, apparent
lv-though this is not distinctly stated in
the bill,-may upon examination OF the
tramp inhct the sentence to the States
Prison.
This bill is almost identical with the New
Hampshire law, passed last August, and
now in force in that State. 1t certainly can
not be complained of as lacking in stringeney
or rs regards summary execution. Doubtless
its provisions will be carefully scrutinized be-
!ore it is acted on We are not in favor OF
giving to Justices Of the Peace the right to
send men to States Prison, or of constltut-
ing the entire population, men, women anu
children. special constables, with authority
II arrest tramps, and with ten-dollars lee
for every conviction. But some addition to
oar yagrant law, applicable to the case OF
tramys, seems to be strongly demanded; and
We trust that the Legislature will give us a
tramp law, which, without making felon
OF every wandering pauper, or tresrasslnS
upon the reasonable liberty OF the poor and
fricndle,s, will serve to protect society
against the great and growing nuisance OF
tramrs.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-10-18

JuuG. PcIAND va wise in withdraw ing
from hi self originated and ill-ldviSed can
jiiAcy for the Senator-hip. The result, had
he continued IN tie field, would have shown
fewer votes for Poland tlan Tor DieLey, the
DemacTa: ard GIoehback candidate. 1t l.
no worttr Il at the Judge did not desire to
put upon public record, Big public vote, 80
mortilysg defeat. Bat tic manner Of the
Withdrawal l. not to be commended 1t
could hardly have been done with Her
grace. Judge Poland would have done bet
ter to leave to some one else the disIarage-
ment OF tie man whom iunr -flth5 Of the Re
publicans OF the Legislature and Of tie State
deem the fttest to b. hi> own successor, and
the suggestion Of the exalted value Of his own
services to the party AID the State. The
Judge says, in effect. to the people Of Yer
mont, You are a pack Of fools to prefer
Justin : Morrill, to ne, Tor the nitcd
Stalcs Senate and to the members Of the
Legislature, "You are fools for regarding the
preference Of your constituents. 1t is just
as lie t,els, 10 doubt bur it would have
been in better taste for him to withhold the
expression Of it.