Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1878-04-10

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one fault Of not being able to keep a
secret.
A Kingston IN. " man sued an.
other for cents. The first thing was
TO hand over lawyers fee of ten
dollars.
A Frenchman has discovered q
more powerful explosion than dyna-
mite. He should be killed before re-
7ealing it.
A practical joking idiot of Middle
boro, Mass, has been fined $26 for
sending false marriage notice to a
newspaper.
Another Ohio man has been ap.
pointed to consulate. If this thing
does not stop the democracy will
have walk-over in Ohio this fall.
A thin pious man, who is contin.
ually groaning over the wickedness
of this world, is more troubled with
dyspepsia than blessed with religion.
The domestic man, the man who
loves his home, his wife and his little
ones, may now be seen every morn.
ing and evening working in his gar
den.
A Rochester man hung a sign in
front Of his place Of business, which
reads: TWENTY-FIVE .loafers wanted
to stand here" They don't stand
there.
A Chicago clergyman startled his
flock few Sunday evenings ago by
telling them "hell is not half 40 full
of men and women as men and wom-
en- are full Of hell"
At the close OF March 100000 sill
yer dollars had been coined. Ar.
rangements have been made under
which, during April, the Philad eli phia
mint will turn out 81, 10000.
Texas has an oak tree upon which
have been grated sprigs of pine, hol-
ly, dogwo0d, elm, ash, walnut, apple
and peach. The grated sprigs have
budded and give promise of thriving.
They have q justice at Oshkosh
who is little particular. He has
the following notice posted conspicu-
ously in his Office :"Any lousy lawyer
who insults this Court will be kicked
into the street."
A person who had obtained free
railroad pass, asked the road agent il
be "c0uld not embrace his wife,
Probably" the official answered,
"but l prefer to see her before prom.
ising positively"
The Japanese have had succession
of maniaa during the last two or three
years, just like the Caucasians. They
have dotted on rabbits, large foreign
dogs and tea roses, and are now ab-
sorbed in fish culture.
A young man whom the Boston po-
lice found In the street in an exhaust
ed condition., day or two ago, ex-
planned that he had recently lost his
mother, and had been unable, from
grief, to sleep or eat since.
The French government will not
exhibit itself, nor allow to be display
ed at the coming Exposition, any war
material or inventions which it has
lately adopted, or which it thinks OF
adopting for the army or navy.
Teacher with Reading Class--Boy
(reading)-"And she sailed down the
river" Teacher-"Why are chips
called she ~ Boy (precocioualy alive
on the responsibilities of his sex)--
because they need men to manage
them"
The Elmira Adpertiser admires la
dies because they can sit bolt upright
in church, looking straight at the
minister through two hours sermon
and not move bit; whereas no man
could do it outside of q baseball
ground.
"What is q veranda?" is now dis.
cussed by foreign architects. A yer.
anda, gentlemen, is q place where,
with the right kind of q companion,
you will find the moon shines bright,
er and the hours fly swifter than in
any other spot on the earth's surface.
A three year old boy in North Ben
ningtop, asked an honest but poor
Irishman the other day, for penny
to buy some candy, and when he re-
piled that "Faith, he hadn't q clint, ,
the little fellow inquired with all the
innocense imaginable, "Have you fail
ed"
When repr0ved for failing to keep
an engagement with another gentle
man yesterday, q brave but devoted
Utica husband replied "My dear sir,
my intentions were excellent, but q
man with q redhaired wife is liable
to break many engagements against
his will"
Ladies' are likely to benefit by the
great eastern conflict. Dealers in hu.
man hair have been travelling within
the last three or four months through
Bulgaria and Roumelia, and buying
up all the tresses the unfortunate
wives and daughters of the refugees
are willing to sell.
A distinguished professor of chem.
istry suggests that nomenclature of
that science might be drawn upon for
q variety of pretty additions to fe-
male names. Having himself fam.
lily of five girls, no has named them
respectively, Glycerine, Pepsine, Eth.
yl, Methyl and Morphia.
Mrs. Revivalist Van Cott, we arc
told, daily prays that the Lord NAV
keep Bob Ingersoll still. Her pray.
ers may prove effective but it would
be time thrown away for Ingersoll to
pray tie Lord to keep Mrs. Van Cott
still. She 10 not that kind OF Q won.
an.-NOrrtst0tc Herald.
Gen. Geo. A. Sheridan, "of Louisi.
ana" has finished his series of forty
lectures in Indiana, for the benefit oi
the Morton monument fund. The
gross receipts amounted to about
$1,000, averaging $50 per night. Az.
ter brief stay in Washington, Gen
Sheridan will return to New Orleans
A new steamer, built for the Sultan
Of Zanzibar, is ornamented by mum.
ber Of inscriptions from che koran
The figure-head, spread eagle, beart
upon its breast the following verse
Embark on board of her In the name
Of God, who 10 her course and her ha.
ven, for my Lord is forgiving and
merciful."
A man-of-war, sunk over . ceutur,
ago, In Arnold's Bay, on Lake Cham
plain, about seven miles from Yer
gennes, 10 still visited by relic hunt
ers, who extract cannon and muske
balls from the umbers, and carry Of
pieces of the hull for canes and orua
ments, while . heavy cannon is sal,
to be In sight ut low water.
With perfect truth it has been SAT-
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