Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1878-10-17
HUMOROUS.

ana dey naIcn, winch am the HluOOer-do
duck. or de hemp This was a poser; but
the chairman. extricated them from the
difficulty. Rising from this chair in all
the pride of conscious superiority, he an
nounced: "Ducks am not befo' de house;
chickens am de question; darfo' rule de
ducks out.'' And so he did, to the COM
plete overthrow of those who held diff
ferent opinion.
The gas suddenly went out at a San
Jose concert the other evening, and when
it was re-lit young lady indignantly ac-
cused happy-looking young man who
sat on the next bench of kissing her in
the darkness. The man tried to explain,
but some of the lady's friends seized and
proceeded to fire him out with expedition.
As they reached the door the victim man
aged to gasp out: Me kiss a womanl
Why, Pm just divorced" :" That settled
it. He was apologized to, and the man of
experience proudly resumed his seat.
A bachelor merchants advice in select
ing wife-"Get hold of piece of calico
that will wash.''
An old lady said she had often seen
''men struck with happy thought, but
could never see where it hit 'em.'
An editor with nine unmarried daugh-
ters was recently made justly indignant
by the misconstruction his contemporaries
put upon his able leader on ssThe demand
for more men,
A gentleman being threatened with an
infectious fever, said to his little son, who
in an affectionate mood wished to embrace
him, ''You mustn't hug me; you'll catch
the fever. :" Willie, standing back, looked
in amazement upon his papa, who, by
the-way, is a pattern of propriety, and
quickly asked, "Why, papa, who did you
hugo" saf.
An indianapolis barber who abandoned
his business and went Into the ministry
was suddenly called upon to baptize three
candidates. He got along very well, but
after baptizing the first he astonished his
congregation by Justify shouting. sNext!'
When usefulness is considered, the man
who smokes cigarettes dwindles into in
significance by the side of the individual
who smokes hams.
Here is what was sung recently at a
religious meeting of colored men in the
South: ------@~e-------e--
EsIf you see Peter asleep at de gate
kase de night befo' he was up so late, z5
You needn't spect, with your load of sin,
Dat you'll slip past him, and steal right in;
De angels always acts on de squar';.
Dey know you here and dey'Il know you dar.''
s'There are no circumstances under
which honesty and integrity of purpose
will not stand man in good stead, !" says
some philosopher. We would like to
know how it will help the man who finds
himself suddenly forced to associate with
a bulldog imam orchard with high fence
around it.
Yung man, perhaps yu had better be a
munky than a philosopher; if yu play the
| munky well, mankind will look upon
themselves as superior to syu and toss yu
haffs and quarters, but if yu play the
philosopher they will konsider yu superb
or to them and shun yu ackordinly.-
Josh Billings, -
An Englishman was boasting to yam
kee that they had a book in the British
Museum which was once owned by Cice-
70. F'Oh, that amt nothin', - retorted the
Yankee; ''in the museum in Boston
they've gothic lead-penciI that Noah used
to check off the animals that went into
the ark.''
''That's very stupid brute of yours,
Jehn,' said Scottish minister. to his
parishioner, the peat-dealer, who drove
his merchandise from door to door in a
small cart drawn by donkey; 81 never
see you but the creature is braying." ''Ah
sir" said the peat-dealer, eye ken the
hearts warm when friends meet"
An old Irish soldier, who prided him
self upon his bravery, said he had fought
in the battle of Bull Run. When asked
if he had retreated and made good his es-
cape as others did on that famous oeea-
sion, he replied: 'FBe jabers, those that
didn't run are there yit!' --
When widower and widow, both with
children, get married nowadays, they
call it "pooling their issues.''
Nothing but leaves said Eve, when
Adam praised the taste shown in her new
polonaise.-BostonT Transcript.
A western lawyer included in his bill
against his client: To waking up in the
night and thinking about your case, So
ssSee, mamma!'' exclaimed little one
as puss, with arching spine and elevated
rudder, sUrutted around the table, see
Kitty's eat so much she can't shut her tai
down. --.
, The late George Robbins, well-KnOwr
auctioneer, said in one of his advertise
ments of an estate that he had for sale
''In that favored region, the moon is al
ways at the full.''
: A Kentucky farmer writes to the loca
E newspaper, complaining of the low pric
C of dairy produce, and adds: ''I shall no
e sell Ny eggs for eight cents dozen
o don't pay for the wear and tear Of tn
). hen.' ...--.---
g You can't depend on Kansas flour.
+ loaf of bread passed into Leavenwort
/ iaiI contained two files, a knife, a bottl
of acid and a roll of money. A eountr
g which grows such wheat as that can nc
e expect to get ahead very fast.
A correspondent of the London Times
3 speaking of Prince Bismark's dOmes
# tic life, says that his son Herbert puts hi
d father to bed every night. We never be
e fore suspected that the old diplomats
ended up his arduous official labors b
# getting stone-blind every night, but tn
# looks like it.
{, s'There would be more saloons in thi