davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08
lie HEARD TOO MUCH.

Lewis Gaylord Clarke, the editor
of the Knickerbocker Magazine, used
to tell the following with great de-
light:
Some two miles up the river from
st. Johnsbury, Vermont, is primi-
tive sort of little village called The
Centre. Here not long since the rus
tic youth of the vicinity congregated
for dance, "and dance they did,"
said our informant, with an JUNCTION
unknown to our city bells and beaux."
One interesting man, having imbibed
too freely became too ''fatigued' in
the course of the evening, and wisely
concluded to retire for a short rest.
A door ajar near the dancing hall
revealed invitingly a glimpse of a
comfortable bed, of which he took
possession, with the prospect of an
undisturbed "snooze."
1t happened, howbeit, that this was
the ''ladies' withdrawing room," and
no sooner had he closed his eyes than
pair of blooming damsels came in
from the hall and began adjusting
their disordered ringlets, the dim
light of the tallow candle not dis
closing the tenant of the bed. The
girls had tongues (like most of their
''seck") which ran in this wise:
"What nice dance we're having.
Have you heard anybody say any
thing about me, Jane?''
''La, Yes, Sally. Jim Brown says
he never saw you look so handsome
as you do tonight. Have you heard
anybody say anything about me?"
About you! Why, ssrtin. Heard
Joe Flint tell Bill Farrand that you
were the prettiest dressed girl in the
ROOM"
Whereupon the dear things
ehuckled, ''fixed up' little more,
and made off toward the ball room.
They had hardly reached the door,
when our half conscious friend raised
himself on his elbow, and quite intel
ligibly, though slowly inquired:
"Have you heard anybody say any
thing about me?
"Phancy their pheelinks" at this
juncture.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08
BOTTOM REACHED.
Real Estate journal.


We have been touching bottom so
often during the past few years that
people have become accustomed to
the announcement that the lowest
depths of all has been finally reached;
but the bottom is so decidedly an un-
pleasant place to be, that everybody
rejoices when anyone else sees signs
of a resurrection. The prophet of
good finds many believers in his
words, though he nay hear no con-
vincing evidences Of his predictions;
for mans hopes are generally the
forerunner of their beliefs. 1t is now
gratifying to notice that many writer's
of the highest class are giving the
matter that careful thought it de-
serves, and are beginning to see indi-
cations that point Enthusiastically to a
better state of business affairs. Eve
rybody is learning and practicing
economy to an extent never before
known to the present rising genera
ton.
The signs are good, and the careful
reader will have little difficulty in
finding many evidences confirmatory
of the prediction that times will very
soon improve. In fact, we are at the
bottom of fortunes wheel, and ne
matter which way the wheel turns W.
are bound to 90 up.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08
COUGH DROPS.

Bachelors are alwus a braggin ov
their freedom freedom to darn
their own stockins, and poultiss their
own shins! had rathef be wild
dover once in 2 years, reglar, than
tew be q grunting, old, hair-dyed
bachelor only for 80 days.
Ambishun tew shine in everything
il sure way to put mans Randall
all out.
Sucking whipt sillybub thru a rhy
straw, il good deal like trieing to
liv on buty.
Good examples amung the rulers,
are the best laws they kan enakt.
The world owes all its energy aud
refinement tew luxurys - digging
roots for bre akfast and going naked
for clothes, IL the virtewous inno-
cence of lazy savage.
Prunes are coquets gone to seed.
N udiiuS III iOfc IL in JuSb dUOut az
bad fix az a stick ov molassis handy
that has half melted.
Thare il lots ov folks in this world
who, rather than not find emmy fault
at all, wouldn't hesitate tew say tew
an angle-worm that hiz tail waz all
together too long for the rest of hiz
boldly.
A man who il good company for
himself iz alwus good company for
others.
never knew but one infidel in mi
life, and he had no more courage
than haff-dr,wned kitten jest pulled
out ov a swill barrel, and waz az
afraid tew die az the devil would be
if he waz allowed tew visit this earth
for a short season to recruit himself
What a man IL the most afraid 0v
he seq he don't believe in; this may
ackount for sum mems unbeieaf ~
hell.
The man who dies the richest 2
the one who leaves the least here,
and takes the most with him Josh
Billings'.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08
CAMP MEETING POETRY.
THE GOSPEL CAR.

The Gospel Train is coming,
hear it just at hand,
/ hear the car-wheels moving
And rumbling through the land.
CHORUS.
Oh! get on board, children,
Oh! get ON board.
Oh! get ON board, children,
For there's room Tor as many more.
l hear the bell and whistle,
Coming round the curve,
She's plying all hel steam and power
And straining every nerve.
Oh! see the Gospel Engine.
She is heaving now IN sight,
Her steam valves they are grosning,
The pressure is so great.
No signal for another train
To follow on the line.
Oh! sinner you're forever lost
Ii once you're left behind.
Oh, see the engine banner.
She's fluttering in the breeze,
She's spangled with the Savi0r's
blood,
But still she floats with ease.
This is the christian banner,
Her motto's new and old,
Salvation aud Repentance
Are FURNISHED there in gold.
She's nearing new the station.
oh! sinner don't be vain.
n,,S ~o.~,a and naf vnnF tickAf
And be ready for the train.
The fare 10 cheap and ell csn Co.
The rich and poor are there;
No second class can board the tram,
No difference in the fare.
| think she'll make little halt
To wood up on the line,
And give you all chance to e,
But vet she'll make hei time.
She ia coming round the mountain.
By the river and the lake;
The Savior is on board the train,
Controlling stean and brake.
| This train has never run of the track
She's passea through every land
Millions and Millions are on board
Oh! come and join the band.
There's Moses, Noah and Abraham
Aud all the prophets, too;
| Our friends in Christ are all on bOarc
Oh! what a heavenly crew.
We soon shall reach the station,
Oh how we shall sing,
With all the heavenly army,
J Wen make the welkin ring.
Wen shout DER all our sorrows
Aud sing forevermOre,
With Christ and AL his army
On that celestial shore.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08
HE WANTED TO BE A JURY
MAN.

Presently the stiffness of the court
was interrupted by the entrance of q
man, who came in with a shuffiing,
uneasy step, with his hat in his hand.
He halted and leaned against the
railing. Nobody took the least no.
tice of him, however. AT last ht
took courage and said:
els the judge imp
The clerks Immediately awoke his
honor.
swell, what do you want!"
I'm looking for job, yer honor
I've been locking for work over i
month"
"There is nothing for you here,
SIR"
"I thought yer occsshunly give
juryman o job. I don't read news
papers any, and bein' stranger ii
town, / hain't got no prejudices agir
anybody. A pard of mine wrote
down to Reno last week and said tha
the jury business up here was brisk
and it would pay to come up. A
I'm q stranger to ye. and a LITTLE
hard up, I'll stand in and serve for
case or two for half price, till yo'
see what can do"
"What is your principal qualifica
ton, sir?"
"My stong pint is making a jur.
agree. No juries ever hang if an
on 'em. 1 jist lay low till the frs
ballot, and then jim the majority an
argue the rest into it. kin discoun
any lawyer a-talkin'. kin sho'
'em up pints they never tumbled t.
before. Sometimes i have to US
force, but that's seldom. One
down at Truckee in 3 murder cas-
there was a couple of fellers standin
out agin hangin', and after argnih
with 'em as smooth and gentleman.
as / could for over a quarter of al
hour, went for 'em with chairs, an'
by the time I'd busted half doze
pieces of furniture on 'em they wer
glad to come in with a verdict G
murder in the first degree, and tn
Teller was hung not long afterwards
In Justices courts you can bet on tn
jury, and if you'll jist give me win
as to how you want case to go, l.
guarantee to fetch in the verdict yo
want, or not take cent"
The Judge told him to call aroun
in O day or two and he would try an
: find vacancy for him, but in orde
} to do so o regular juryman woul
! have to be discharged.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

The colonel, a rigid martinez, is
sitting at the window of his room,
when looking out he sees a captain
crossing the barrack-yard towards
the gate. Looking at him closely, he
is shocked to observe that, the rules
and regulations to the contrary not
withstanding, the captain does not
carry q sword.
.sCaptain 2" he calls from the win
dow; Hi, Captain step up to my
room for a moment, will you"'
The captain obeys promptly, bor-
rows a sword of the officer OF the
guard, the guard-room being at the
foot OF the stairs, and presents him.
self to the colonel, in irreproachable
tenue.
The colonel is somewhat surprised
% zee the sword in its place, and
hsying to invent some pretext fol
calling his subordinate back, says
with come confu sion, 81 beg your
pardon, captain, but really I've for
gotten what it was | wanted to speal
| to YOU about. However, it can
have been anything very important
it'll keep. Good morning."
The captain salutes, departs, re
turns the sword to its owner and /
making off across the barrack-yard
when he again comes within the rang
! of the colonels vision.
! The colonel rubs his eyes, stares
says softly to himself, "How in thun
Ider is this? Dem it, he hasn't swor'
TO his waist" then calls aloud, Gap
tain? Ho, Captain! one moment
fplease.
| The captain returns, borrows I'll
sword again, mounts the stairs all
enters the colonel's presence. Ill
commanding officer stares at him II
tently he has q swod, he sees it, b
hears it clank.
| Captain, he stammers, grown
very hot, .sit's deuced ridiculous
YOU know, but-ha! ha! I'd just II
member what l: WANTED to say to you
and now-h! ha!-a's gone out m
head again! Funny isn't it! Ha
ha! ha! Losing Ey memory. Neve
mind. III think of it and write YOU
Good morning.
The captain salutes, departs, n
turns the sword to its owner an
makes for the gate. AS he crosse
the barrack-yard, the colonel call
his wife to his side and says, ''Se
that officer out there?"
Yes"
"Has he got q sword on?"
The colonePs wife adjusts her eye
glass upon him. scans him keenly an
, SAYS. ''IIe hasn't taste ofa sword
The colonel: That's just wher
you fool yourself! He has,"
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08
PATENTS

ohtained for mechanical devices, mealcsi
or orther compounds, ornamental designs
traSa y. marks and labels. Caveats, Assign,
msnts. Interierences, Infringements, s,,o sno
ali matters relating to Patents promps.y
sttanded to. We make preliminary e.-
s;nat;on. a.sG an furnish opinions as to pat
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intsissssd In new investions and Patent. Z; ant.
@ srs invited to send or o copy Of our
afs aSn;da , for obtaining Pstents," which 10
.snt % fres to any address. and conss,as a.
Complete Instructions how to .,ssr SD.AiD During M
ents. and other valuable ms.. nh..;naa : esriy
ne .beap p.Ihs thousand Patents for American snd
tnseg Ensa;sn ;nvsntcrs, and can give sasisiac-
tory references in almost every county IN
'ns Address Louis BAgger & Co.. Solicitor
of Patsutsl and Attorneys S~' -
Droit Building. Washington, y. ,,u,
3 "A -
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08
ODDS AND ENDS.


Real Estate Journal.
The liveliest base burner-moth-
er's slipper.-Yonkers Gazette. And
likely to cause base .bawl.
Women should never study Ian
guages. One tongue is quite suffi
cient.
He was in from the country, and
he came down town for the first time.
AS he looked at the telegraph wires
he said: ''Why do you make your
wire fences so high?"
Men are never so happy, and sell
dom so innocent in spending their
money as they are in making it. !,
There is luxury in poverty, but
the poverty must be imaginary, not
real.
The more a man studies himself
the less fault will he find in his neigh
Dor.
A Union street woman missed
her husband yesterday afternoon.
Subsequently she found a grease spot,
Il pair of suspenders and a dozen
pants buttons on the front door sill.
She preserved the door sill for chem
ical analysis.
We all pray for a long life, bu
few of US pray for a good one.
Honesty is first rate, but if :
man has got nothing else to brag on
he can make up his mind to spent
next winter in some aims house.
An exchange asks: "Where d.
all the pins go to?" We know
where one of them went to the othe
day when we attended school exhi
bition. If that inquiring mind wll
call around our way we will poin
out the identical spot. Our feeling
| on this question are too deep for pub
lie utterance.
When q woman has lsbored har'
on hot day, over stesming suds, t
get large washing done, and then
after carefully hanging the clothe
out on an almost interminable lengt
{ of line, suddenly sees the thing co
lapse, and the entire product of he
, days work trailing in the dirt, an
!, she don't swear nor pick up TIL
! clothes spitefully-we almost think
e was woman, instead of man, who ws
: "created little lower than the al
gels"
. His mother was putting on he
I slipper again when he brushed ava
' the tears, and atfectionately caressin
o the place that smarted worst, aske
" between his sobs: 'M-Ma, DIDO yo
r know why Lin like little M-Mary !
9 She looked at him cross-ways withol
. speaking, but he answered it: "B-B'
cause 1, had a l-l-little lam. "-Fu
. ton Times.
: "A little three-year-old girl VII
y volunteered to say grace at the tab
: did so as follows: 80, Lord, bres
}. the things we eat, bress mamma an
papa and gamma and gampa"-an
). here, casting up her eyes to h'
q grandfather in the next seat, and di'
e covering that he was smiling, the Ii
: tie one closed her prayer by So,
: ing: Behave yourself, gampa-ft
d Christ's sake, amen. Atlanta Coz
h | StitutiOn
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

CLIFFoRD's FEBRIFUGE, OR FEVER
AND AGUE CURE.-This preparation
is obtained by a newly discovered
process. and contains all the active
medicinal principles of East India
Cincbona bark, grown on the neil
CHERRY hills, from which all the irr1-
tant properties have been eiimlna'eo'
1t is natures own rem edy for alb ais-
eases arising from malarlai poison.
palatable, powerful, anti-perlodlc
and tonic, it never fails to cure FEVER
and ague, dumb chills, congestlve
chills. bilious fever, periodical neu,
ralgia, and all diseases OF maiarial
origin. -
]. C. RICHARDSON, Proprietor,
st. Louis.
For sale by all Druggists. 9-u.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

tenderness is unworthy of her esteem:
she thinks to lift him to her level by
lowering herself to his. AS rule a
woman writes well when she writes
for herself or her friends because she
writes what she feels; the trouble is
that when she comes to address her.
self to the public she will write what
she imagines she thinks.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

Chicago Times: A county COM
missioner in Hancock county, Ohio,
worth $50, 900, carried water all day
for circus in order to get in free,
thus defrauding small boys who were
yearning to earn their way into the
show. The case is cited as showing
extraordinary meanness; but what
can be expected of an Ohio office
holder?
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

When you hear man talking so
big about the I'D rebels or the
"d-d federals," just mark it down
that he was too cowardly to engage
on either side during the "late un-
pleasantness," or, if he was in the
army at all, he could always be found
skulking in the rear when there was
danger ahead. No true soldier talks
in that manner.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

This is a boys composition on
girls. He says: Girls are the only
folks that has their own way every
time. Girls is of several thousand
kinds, and sometimes one girl can be
like several thousand girls if she
wants to do anything. This is all j
know about girls. and father says the
less know about them the better of
I am.'
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

r. Lyman Potter, who started from
Albany, New York, on the 10th day
of April, to wheel wheel-barrow
f. 900 miles in $50 days, and end his
journey at Sacramento, CAL, passed
Des Molnes . few days ago, having
completed nearly half his trip. II
successful he Is to get 81, 600.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08
He was level full, and as he board

He was level full, and as he board
ed South Boston car, he remarked :
ssWhazzer name that c'ductor tother
carr" pointing vaguely, at depart
ing vehicle. Don't know was
the reply. "Well, he told me &C
takernap, aintergoint to do it. I'm
iuss wideawakes he or any other man,
and don't himmer nobody else tel
me gotakernap n don'tyou fergizzlt.
He elucidated the subject for some
time to the passengers. and finally
stepped off to hunt up that other con-
ductor.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

Boss Tweed's daughter, whose
wedding presents were worth s7o,-
900, is living in New Orleans in very
straiteued circumstances.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

Philadelphia Chronicle: Girls,
never marty man who drinks. 1t an
noys him terribly to have female
smelling his breath every time he en-
ters the house.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

We don't suppose the managers OF
the Paris Exhibition are very much
exercised over the ssSnnday' ques-
ton. Sunday doesn't come In that
country oftener than once every two
or three years.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08
FRENCH FUN.
WHAT THE WITS OF PARIS FIND TO SAY
IN THEIR PAPERS.

Young mother, deeply interested
in al novel, but preserving some idea
of her duties as a mother, to her ell
dsst born: Henrietta, where is your
little sister!
Henrietta: In the next room, ma.
Young mother. turning over page
Go and see what she's doing and tell
her to stop it this minute.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

A fox sleeps, but counts hens IL
his dreams.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

It costs more to avenge wrongs
than il does to bear them.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

A put up job-hoisting your um'
brella.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

New York swells carry poodles in
their bosoms.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

She on her lovers arm did hang,
And oft her heart went pit-a-pat,
Her hair did have frightful bang,
Which hung beneath new spring
hat;
They walked together down the street,
And pleasant all the earth did seem,
Until she said, with voice so sweet,
ST must have candy or / scream =
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

Man proposes, women disposes-
Of his loose change.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

Christian K. Ross says be has spent
$50, 900 looking for his boy.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

A young man idle-an old man
needy.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

The frightful exactlons Of the
coachmen would render industrious
the moot simple mortal.
On Sunday, at the sortie of the ex
position, a good bourgeois halls a
coachman and asks him most re-
spectfully to conduct him to the
domicile.
SIT will be 10 francs, my master, "
says the coachman, with touching
familiarity.
t"Ten francs? Listen, my friend ;
let us split the difference! You get
inside, and I'll get on the box and
drive you there for five."
From La Vie PIrisienne Absence
is the greatest Of evils when 1t ISM
the hest of remedies. Tenderness ID
the genius of simple minds. II pas
sion knows no obstacles, tenderness
knows no bounds. Passion is thu
attribute of soul which no ionge1
controls itself; tenderness that OF
heart which no longer belongs Il
itself. / know not which OF tn
twain lifts man the higher, genius o
o.nt,eness.. genius lifts him aboy
others. gentieness out of himself. 4
woman, especially 8 mother, neve
lean believe that, the object OF ne
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

Frasculeo, the chief bulldghter %
Spain, is worth 500. 900.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

Boosters are cousins to liars.
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

1t was in the golden prime OF the
good Louis Philippe, when member
of the cabinet sent for an eminent
journalist, and when they we're alone
said unto him, "See here, would you
like me to make you chevalier OF the
Legion of Honor?'
Eyes," replied the journalist, 'i'
I can obtain the decoration without
having to do anything dIishonorable. u
well-he didn'sEk hs
I. Being at cafe kh desiring te
pay for his beer a guest gives th'
waiter 2O-franc plece. ii. Th'
waiter promptly returned with
lO-frac gold piece and silver for th'
rest. Ill. The guest gives him baci
the lO-franc piece, saying, "Gise m'
two 5-franc pieces for that please ;
Nv. The waiter rings The gold col,
ON the table and says, spologeticsily
"You know there are 10 many coun
tsrfeits out these times that We hav'
to be on our guard"
Two Bohemians, one Of whom i
going to try to get himself asked Il
dinner, while his companion has no
even that slender resource, meet ol
the Boulevard, growing about tn
hard times.
"You needn't complain, says tn
second, "perhaps you will dine to
night"
"Aye," replied the other, 81 may
and yet again l mayn't, whereas yo'
know you wont, and know what u
expect, and that's where you hav
the advantage of me-"
Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1878-08-08

Knavery ia the worst trade.