The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-11-29


pretty badly mixed up before that, and Il
man who wrote that must have regarde
darkness as an entity. [Applause.
In his Imagination, probably, he saw Ii
Supreme Being throwing great chunks
/, darkness on one side. and slivers, piece
chips and beams OF light on the othe
: They had on exhibition in Rome man
5 hundred years bottle filled with th
darkness that once overspread Egyp
Moses next tells US that God divided h
, waters under the armament from thos
above. The man who wrote that regarde
the firmament as a solid body OF charaG
ter that would hold water. He locke
upon the armament Us place where god
and goddesses and angels dwell, because
at the time OF the food the windows c
heaven were opened, and that accounts
for the wonderfulamount OF water that wa
poured upon the earth. The man who wrot
that knew nothing about evaporation
The next thing happens on the third day
when the earth Is clothed and carpetei
with green, and the trees grow and tn
leaves murmur in the air; and all this hap
pens before any sunshone in the heavens
| On the next day the sun was made 10 rull
the day. Do you suppose the man witt
wrote that knew anything about the sun
And the next thing which was done-ant
it nearly slipped his mind-He made thu
stars. Why he bothered himself abou
the stars is not explained, and we coulC
only infer that, having large quantity o
nothing laying around loose, after making
nearly everything else. he worked it Ut
into sstars. Laughter Then He madt
animals and last Of all man. There vert
two different accounts Of the introduction
OF man into this world; and the lecturer
begged his audience, in passing, not tc
forget the fact that this world, considered
in connection with the universe, was real
ly in the rural districts.
One account bad it that man and woman
were created at the same time, the other
that man was created first and then
woman.
After the animals were made, God caus.
ed all the animals to pass before Adam, TO
see If he could not pick out one hatwould
do for helpmeet for him. Read it, and
you will find that God tried to palm of
upon Adam as wife one OF the beasts Of
the field. Well, Adam did not see any
thing to suithim, Laughter.l am glad
of it. II he had, there never would have
been free-thinker on this earth; the
world would have died orthodox. Moth
ing was found TO suit Adam. The me
gatherium, the giraffe, the mammoth, the
ichthyosaul us, and all the crawling mon
sters that came; thousands OF birds, thou
sands OF mammals, baboons and
monkeys. So God was driven 10
necessity. He had to make thing, and
he had not anything to start out with.
How did he get at it? He took q BONE
out OF Adam. How did he get 1t? Did
He pull it out?-cut 1t out?-or how?
How did He get it out? Just imagine an
infinite God with bone in his hand TO
start q woman with, and considering
whether he will make her blonde or a
brunette.
Colonel Ingersoll with mock gravity
Softly, my friends, do not make light OF
this rib business, for it may make u big
difference with you when you come to
give an account OF yourself in tho next
world. It's orthodox, and il you don't be-
lieye 1t according to orthodox people
you're liable to be eternally damned.
Imagine man brought up before the
Prosecuting Attorney or whatever he may
be in the next world. "Where do you
come from?" this is asked. From the
earth your Honor" is the reply. "What
sort ofa fellow were you there?" is the
nextquestion. "Well," the answer comes;
81 loved my wife and my children, and
they loved me. Byindustry | made lit
tie money and I left it with them; always
paid when could and / eyerdidanybody
here any injury, should like to have the
person stand right up" But how about
that rib story, the prosecutor may ask; did
you believe that? "Well, to be frank
with you," the honest man will reply.
''that was little too much to swallow"
To HELL WITH HIN! the prosecutor is ex-
pected to cry. NEXT! The next appli-
can't for admission to Paradise is examin-
ed: "Who are your az was bank
chashier at such and such place, got
away with a lot OF my employers money
and my neighbor's wife, but I've been for
given by the Lord, know"
"Belong to churchT
"Oh, yes; I had my certificate some
place about me"
"Never mind; how about that RIB story,
did you believe that on earth?'
"Oh, bless you, yes. l believed every
story that is printed in the Bible, from be-
ginning to end, and was only sorry they
weren't harder to believe, that l might
show my faith." "GIvE HIN A HARP" will
be the command, and may be there will be
added pair of wings. So you had better
look out for yourselves with regard to
this rib narrative. Renewed laughter
Well, after Moses God had made Eve out
OF one OF Adams ribs, he turned her loose
| in the Garden Of Eden, when she was only
day old, aud snake slipping in through
crack in the fence engaged her in conVer,
sation on the subject OF fruit. She thought
II was all right that snake should talk,
being q stranger in those parts, you
know, and crediting his recommends
tion Of the fruit OF certain apple
tfee. ate Of 1t and gave some tf
Adam. God had told Adam that II he ate nc
should die, but he never told her. How
aid thew know what death was? They
hadn't seen anything die. But here come!
the snake. He must have walked, for ai
forwards he was condemned to crawl, ant
that crawling was punishment. But the!
ssy that the devil took possession Of tnt
snake. Then why not punish the devil
| The snake could not help ii. Why did no
Cod take the snake by the head and smasl
Sis M iifs ami before he got the first coupl'
into ali this trouble2 But for the eattni
Of this apple we must believe the who'll
world was condemned to death. We ar az
toId sometimes that this story is symbolic
A. symbolical Of what, Of the iail 9
mani That's as much as to say that
there had been no snake tnet,
would have been no fall; II eher
had been no Judas there would have pee'
HJ But l they ate and were guilty, and lab9
was pronounced curse. There Is fiiaoon aaosn
~ mistake. Labor is not curse. ldlenes
ian curse, Labor is perpetual psaysl
and It Is the Only prayer that has any risn g.
- ~ be answered. Butlsbor Is pronounce
curse. Then what hapPonedY Inae s
the administration OF God himself me
grew worse and worse.