Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1878-01-15
Chat by the Way.
from the New York Herald.

From the New York Herald.
If you are always. finding fault with
other people you may be sure that there
is good opportunity for some one to
find fault with you. You can't attend
to other folks gardens without letting
your own run to weeds.
At Kenwin two dogs, one of which
was the parsons, fell to fighting; the
parson, who was reading the second
lesson, rushed out of the pulpit and part
ed them. When he returned, being
doubtful where he left off, he asked the
clerk in a whisper, "Roger, where was
2" The clerk answered, master, you
were down parting the dogs, don't you
remember?"
If you want to discover your exact
spiritual condition get up at two o'clock
some cold winter morning and sing love
songs to .tmusser's p'ecious little baby"
for two or three hours. If you are not
tempted to ring the messenger bell and
send out for a couple of ounces of pare
goric, with the determination to give it
all at once, you are christian man far
beyond your fellows.
The doctrines of hell still trouble the
public mind. Some people have very
evidently personal interest in having
its fires put out. Others, who expect to
90 in another direction, are less excited.
1t is curious fact that most married
men have strong leaning toward Uni
versalism, the grounds of their argu
ment being that they are having their
full punishment in this present life.
The best way to induce sleep is to
shut your eyes and think of nothing
An old man told his minister that he
did this one Sunday morning while he
was preaching and that it worked adj
mirably. The minister asked him why
he did not think of the sermon. and the
old man replied naively that that was
justwhat he was thinking about, and that
it was SO near to nothing that the differ
ence could not be perceived and SO he
dropped off into quiet and refreshing
slumber.
Some people who call themselves lib
erals refuse to influence the minds of
their children religiously on the high
ground that they want everything to be
spontaneous and natural. The c0nse-
auence is generally that when the child
becomes man he is not overburdened
with scrubles. Coleridge once said to
Thelwall, who was after this sort and
who was complaining of the weeds in
Coleridge's garden. ooh, that is be-
cause 1 want everything spontaneous
and natural. The weeds, you see, have
taken the liberty to grow, and thought
it unfair to prejudice the soil in favor OF
roses and Strawberries Can you see
the application!
The little things of life are sometimes
far reaching in their influence. Who
can measure the potency of kindly
word? 1t may echo through many years
like a strain Of soft music And, then,
too, little thing may tease and fret a
man to the very edge of profanity, il
not of suicide. Just think Of going
through the gymnastlc exercises of put
ting on clean shirt-a series of twist
ings and contertions, of serpentine
writings through which no other yer
tebrate is called o pass, and then find
that your collar button is gone. HO1wi-
bile dictu! Not even the rehypetheca-
ton Of bonds can touch your inner con-
seriousness like such catastrophe as
that. Life dwindles in Importance, and
all earthly happiness sinks into oblivion
The English language has no fitting ex-
preston for the occasion, SO with a sigh
of your inwardness you shiver until the
damage is repaired and then GO about
your business wondering if they wear
shirts in heaven, and whether the an
gels say anything when the buttons are
washed off.
1t is not true that all bad habits are
easily acquired. Some Of them are the
result of long and painful effort. For
instance, do you remember the first time
you attempted to smokeo Do you re-
member-no, rather, can you possibly
forget it? Throughout the infinite cy-
cles of eternity you will have q vivid
recollection of that event. The blue
clouds of smoke, as they rose to the cell
ing, were your proclamation of freedom
from the bondage of childhood. The
very first puff was poetry, and your con-
viction that you were full grown man
was complete. The second aud third
puffs were like unto the first. After
that dim sort of feeling began to creep
over you that you were not smoking
good tobacco; you began to grow pale,
and in the re on of the stomach were
certain Ominous symptoms which in
clined you to withdraw from the festive
gathering and to seek a secluded spot
where no intruding football would be
heard. What occurred in your strict
privacy will never pass your lips.
If you have ever tried to be moral
man and to accord with the laws of the
Decalogue you knew we'll enough that
it can be likened only to your first at
tempt to skate. In your dreams ska
ting is both easy and delightful. You
see yourself skimming over the ice at a
fearful rate, the envy of all Observers
With grace unparalleled you cut all sorts
Of fantastic figures on the ice, and glide
in lines of beauty, and yet with math-
ematlcal precision from one corner of
the pond to the other. All this and
more Is done in your dreams. Nothing
is easier than to skate in dream and
nothing is harder than to 81 ate on real
Ice. Buckle on the runners and try it.
Instantly your legs are attracted in diff
ferent directions and persistently refuse
to act in unison. One of them searches
for the east side of the pond and the 9th
er for the west. A demon of the most
demoniacal type takes up his position
on each foot, and your freedom of will
evaporates. That which you will to do
you 90 not, and that which you will net
to do that very thing you do. Each de-
..'oH HlGS up Tie toot OIL WHICH, he Is ST.
ting, and, with all awful thump, your
organ of philoprogenitiyeness comes in
contact with solid ice. Atthat moment
you hear what Joseph Cook calls "the
laughter of the soul at ITSELF" After
such an experience you generally eenae
to the conclusion that all first attempts
should be made in some farmers pas
ture and far away from the staring
crowd.
Observation-Disclosures pleasures
'norten mems lives more than the beat
ned 'caments can prolong them. The i!
poor are schooner sick for thewant of food |
nan I the rich are by excess of it, Meats |
mat are too relishing, and which create
10 lmmoderate appetite, are rathera poi
on than nutriment. Medicines in |