Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1878-11-09

- " ny NHeN uoo iDt ulcu lu l'll lvf oOtiv"-
ing money J" Yes, sab, but you see ] had
TO knock de man down free or 70 times. afO
he'd leud il TO me-"
h \ poem commences, "Cnder the willows
he's lying" lie must be tramp. They lie
under all sorts Of trees. Oae was discovered
lying under an axle tree the other morning.
The owner of the wagon made. him,wheelrght
round aud leave.
From Scotland Yarl-Sergeant: '.Ilew's
this Joues? What do you mean by coming on
duty uushayed p Jones: I'm growing Of
NY beard sir' Sergeant Then. you' must
get up earlier and do it, or--or--, Any-
how, you must not grow it while on duty.
A Virginia woman offers to sell her husband
at auction, and apply the proceeds to the liaui
him to purchasers. she adds as man posses
sing all the qualities a wou.an capable oi CON-
trolling him could,desre.'
"Dont You love her still? 2" asked the Judge
to man who wanted divorce. Certainly
do," sad he; Z" love her still better than
any other way, but the trouble is she will
never he still )" The 'Jadsc, who is a married
man himself, takes the case under ADJUSTMENT.
A lecturer. addressing mechanics institute,
couiended that: " Ar, could. mot Improve na-
ture," when one Of the audience set the whole
assembly in roar 10y exclaiming: " How
would you look without your wig y
Fussy aud partially deaf officer inspecting
tables " Al Smith, what on earth have you
been cleaning your harness with ?" Smith
" Nothing, sir." Officer. All, then don't do
it with lha! again see how il rOts the lealL
er."
When Benjamin Franklin arrived in rhila-
lelplia he calmly walked up the street with
lOai of bread under his arm. But he couldn't
DO il nowadays. Somebody would steal lis
bread before be got half 4 Llotk away from
the river.
Silence 10 the court 20 thunicred Ten
nessec Judge the other morning. E; Half
d. zen men have been convicted alrendy with
out the Courts having been able 10 hear the
testimony
A French gentleman meets young aud
pretty American girl in Paris. What in the
world are you doing hereg" I'm Spending
my honeymoon. Bat whore i. ycur bus
Ualtt4 VII it "a WV 4 yin
Well, may hope, dear. that at some Na-
tUre time may have the happiness Of making
you my wife2" L" Yes, hope so, I'm sure"
she replied, 4" for I'm getting tired Of sUiug
fellows for breach Of promise"
Vassar college bas two japanese girls, aud
the Philadelphia Chronicle says il Is an affect
ing sight 70 see the American girls teaching
them how to slide down the balustrade.
Love impre,ses its tender image upon a II IFS
environments. Even the scattered peanut
shells at the front gate Monday morning are
silent witnesses Of its all-cmbracing sway.
Annual income twenty pounds. annual ex-
penditure nineteen six-resnlt bappiness.--
Annual income twenty pounds. annual cxpend-
iture twenty pounds ought and siS-resul,
misery.
Any sharp wife can now take down, ole Of
her husbands half-dozen dressing gowns, Trip
% the collar, deepen the pockets, change The
facing, and have his Christmas present all
oiT her mind before snow flies.
Editors like brevity, bot a man who was re-
Gently hung in Indiana suited them too well.
lie made no remarks about heaven but nodded
his bead 10 the preacher and,' said III see
you later" aud then tho trap fell.
The Norristown Herald wants to send tho
niDe-wiyed man to Jail fOr $50 years because
no fair minded gentleman would Try 10 make
a corner in wives until DR.. Mary Walker aud
Mr. I'ilIeh had each secured one.
A Chicago girl lef, Cape My tie other,day
wearing five different engagement rings. SIZE
goes in flr Troy weigh, instead Of love. This
Is one Of the D-Troy-t ffea Pyess' woighticlt
i,kes.
An old grsneer, who came iuio town 70 pur-
chase piano fyr lis daughter. asked the agent
II h0 hadn't one with laudle al tie cBd.
20 We can all give it turn once 10 while.
A clergyman who was recently called up 20
hold services 10 the state prison at Sing Sing,
prefaced his remarks % The prisoners by say
ng that he was glad 10 see 50 large a num-
Der present"
An editor with nine unmarried daughters
vas recently made Justly indignant by The mis-
bis contemporaries put upon bis
,tle leader L" The demand fJr Men"
Gentlemen who won't and don't 60 homo
III morning. til daylight doth appear. aie
strangely subject 10 attacks Of material fever
It this season Of tie year.
The paragri phists have discovered tic lest
method of heating a street car. Garry
woman = half block further than sic waits
o 60. 1t will be hot enough
IN divorce suit 10 Iowa the wife's COM
,laint was that her husband rubbed her nose
With nutmeg Crater. The Judge said lie
.eyer heard o! greater crime.
Mrs J1nville has put Up twelve cans Of
'eaches, nine jirs Of plums, aud bushel Of
lears. while her husband has oBly put up
wo stoves and bis gold watch.
A justice at lafayette, Indiana. has held or
.'saui and battery mother who spanked her
-onDe one 10 a rule, insolent and angry
manner She'll be more polite abou; il here
fer
Pa, said little year old. there's poor
pan out there that would give anything 70 SEQ
.ou" Who Is il my son ?" 4" Il is a blind
nan"
n you put two persons 10 the same bed
oora. one Of whom has tho toothache and the
ther il in love. you will find that the one who
as the tooihachs will go to scep frst.
Kot single tramp 10 this country has ever
zen knOwn 10 purchase guide book They
al rather be losl than know where they are
Oning out.