The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-01-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

WHAT makes England rise9 Too
much East.
HoTEL-KEEPERs are people we have to
"put up with"
THIS is an "off" year with savings
bank Presidents.
WHY do we call love affection? Be-
cause it is disease.
IT was a backward debtor who said:
"The dues you say"
To LARD-MAKERs-If at first you don't
succeed, try, try pgain.
THE reason why whales frequent the
North pole is because they supply the
"northern lights" with OIL
"PAPA," said little girl, "give me
q ride on your knee, won't you?" He
took the little gallop at once.
A CLERGYMAN who lives on the sea-
shore says he prefers calm Sundays, be-
cause heis opposed to Sabbath breakers.
IT takes all the enjoyment out of
game of croquet to hear it called "an
amusement within the reach of the feeblest
intellect.
A LITTLE girl suffering from the
humps declares that she "feels as
though headache had slipped down
into her neck"
THE use of tobacco does prolong life.
A party of lynchers down South recently
postponed the hanging ten minutes to
allow the victim to finish his cigar.
A GERMAN named Baker attempted to
commit suicide at Ottawa recently. He
had nothing more to live for, having
whipped his wife until the thing became
monotonous and unsatisfactory.
A BOY, whose general appearance be-
tokened the want of father, being
asked what his father followed for liv-
ing, replied ".He is Methodist by
trade. but he doesn't work at it any
more"
MANY evidences of the existence of a
prehistoric race have been brought to
light, but in no part of the world has
anything been dug up that would
throw any light on the origin of minstrel
Jokes.
THE world may never know what I'M
utterable things a hotel waiter thinks
when he folds his arms and leans against
the wall to gaze down upon you in
mournful silence with dreamy eyes,
HdUk-Eye.
A LITTLE boy refusing to take pill,
his mother placed it in piece of pre-
served pear and gave it to him. In a
few minutes she said, Tommy, have
you eaten the pears" "Yes. mother,
all but the pip ~
A YOUNG man who left home in Con-
necticut some years ago to seek his fort
une recently wrote from Texas, saying,
"I've settled here" 1t has since trans
pired that he was right. He had settled
ut 20 cents on the dollar.
TX oden times, when people heard
Some swindler huge had come TO grief,
They used the good old Saxon word,
And called that man " a thief"
But language such as that to-day
Upon too many's feelings CRATES;
SO people smile and simply say,
"He-' rehypothecates'
-Netc York Commercial Advertiser.
In the harbor of San Francisco n
wave struck fishing boat, and over
board went two disciples of Ike Walton.
Some parties who happened to be in
boat close by went to their assistance,
and rescued the half-drowned pair. On
being questioned how the accident oc-
CURED, they replied, eve didn't cap
size; we only went down to see why
the darned fish wouldn't bite"
AND so it seems they can't make the
telephone work in Germany. We've
been afraid all along they would have
trouble with it over there. Some of the
words twist the wires up so that the |
message gets all in tangle-scattered
around, run together, and finally wadded
up in bunch and shot back to the place
where it started from, making the man
who sent it think Dutch dictionary has
been struck by lightning somewhere
Breakfast Table.
PAINTER once a store did keep,
And he was quite joker;
For when he found his girl asleep,
He with yellow ocher
-Hdckensdck Republican.
'Twere well, indeed, he had a voice
Her eyelids 10 uncumber
From slumber's weight, for he must shoat
Who fain would jostle lumber.
-Hdpk-Eve.