St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-05-24
Squibs.

The song of the grasshOpper is strik-
ing up throughout the West: ''That's
wheat by and by"
Glass eyes for horses are now made
with such perfection that the animals
themselves cannot see through the de-
ceptiOn.
An Iowa man saw his barn and cattle
go up in the all, and then he got on the
next whirlwind and went after them
Indianapolis Sentinel.
There is a difference in milkmaids
the milk made in the country is not the
same as the milk made in the city.
At the feast of animals the cow sits
at the head of the table because she
calves.
A bad marriage is like an electric ma
chine-it makes you dance, but you
can't let go.
A soldier, wounded by a shell, said
he was right under the darned thing
when the bottom fell out.
A chemist, discoursing of drugs, as
serted that all bitter things were hot.
"NO," observed one present; "there is
one of very different quality, and that
is bitter cold day."
A little girl who was spending a few
days with farmer uncle, visited the
barnyard, and while looking at the well
fed cows, remarked, "Why, uncle, just
see! all the COWS are chewing gum,
aren't they ?"
Nervous lady passenger on the train
after passing the temporary bridge at
New Brunswick-"Thank goodness we
are now on terra frma." Facetious
gentleman-"Yes, ma'am; less terror
and more firmer."
Artist-"You carried my picture to
the Exposition and handed it over to
the managers ?" Porter-''Yes, your
honor, it pleased them. Lord, how
they laughed. Journal.
Fond father: "Well, my son, how
do you like college9 Alma Mater has
turned out some great men," Young
hopeful Gust expelled: Eyes, sir;
she has just turned me out"
Bull Run has been made postoffice.
There was considerable of stampede
there once, you remember. = Hartford
Ifmes.-And good deal of licking done
on both sides.-Commerc AdUertiSer.
We always thought they licked one
side too much.
(Which party is the strongest, the
greenback or the pullback ?p- White
hall Times. "Oh, the pullback has the
most followers-and the largest number
OF papers to support it."-NorriSto,U
Herald.
"What's the use of all this sacrifice
of life, this bloody butchery of Turk
and Russian ?n said a Philadelphia
Quaker to a Cincinnati hog merchant.
81 don't know" replied the latter,
mournfully; "pork isn't riz any, that
can see."
John Morrissey used to say that he
went to Congress i'll order that he might
leave his boy better reputation than
that of prize fighter, but he made up
his mind after living in Washington
awhile, that there was very little choice
The humblest man in Lowell is he
who informed the chief of police that
his pOcket-bOOk had been stolen, and
then went home to find that his wife
had picked his pocket just because he
told her she couldn't.
Bill-'I say, Mary, run and ask julie
to come and play with u.s." Mary
"YOu know, Bill, mother says you amt
to call him Jule-his names julius
Bill ''Well, what does she call me Bill
for, then? l shau't call him Julius
until she calls me Bilious"
Junior Clerk-"Would you kindly
permit me to absent myself tomorrow
to attend my fathers funeral ?" Head
of firm deep in figures) )-"You may go,
Hawkins, but pray-do not let this
happen again."
A couple of business men wore plug
hats yesterday, and everybody wanted
to know if some more insurance agents
had arrived.-1arners Falls Reporter.
The Toledo Blade remarks that its
editor and staff are full of the milk of
human kindness. Let us call it milk
for the sake of euphony, but if that
milk is not pretty well punched we are
mistakenly. Y. Com. Advertiser.