The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-01-31

place. SATURDAY nlgnt Two Young men
will meet in a sample or billiard, room,
and over their beer or hot scotch" swear
eternal loyalty to each other Let them.
however, the following Sunday evening
accidentally collide in the same girls
parlor. and each will want nothing in
the world but the others hearts blood.
Is 1t when a>dry goods clerk Of ninety
seven pounds weight attempts to help
from wagon q farmers wife Of 2O3
pounds weight, that the reporter seats
himself contentedly on the curb stone
and waits for the catastrophe.
"when a girl gets mad and rises from
a fellows knee" says an exchange, but
thinks better Of it and goes back again.
that's what they call a relapse" And
here we've been working for dear life to
keep off a relapse under the impression
that it was in some way relAted to cholera
morbus
Mrs. Pemberton, Of New York, has
lost trunk containing 100000 Such
carelessness is little short Of criminal.
Our wife might travel two hundred years
with ten thousand trunks and not lose
one containing 60,000--nor half the
sum. 1t would be a great surprise to us
only fifteen thousand dollars
IL il the custom among certain tribes
in Liberia that when a woman is married
she must prepare the wedding dinner
with her own hands. IL such a custom
prevailed in this country, in many in
stances the groom and his friends would
slide out Immediately after dinner and
rush into restaurant to got something
fit to eat.
Mark Twain introduced w D. How
ellis. at the latter's lecture in Hartford
with the remark that it was unnecessary
to speak of his literary reputation. He
was merely there to back up the moral
character OF Mr. Howels.
"What is your chief consolation in
life2 asked pastor of young lady in
his Bible class. The young lady blushed
and hesitated, but said Il don't like to
tell you his name, but have no ohjrc.
tion to tell you where he lives"
A story is told of Weston, the great
walker. lie was being lonized at some
place. when his guide showed him pc
culiar engine, which, ke.himself, work.
ed almost continuously with very little
fuel This is the boiler, sir; this the
vacuum pipe" Weston studied the pipe
attentively. and, after looking through it
carefully for some time. asked innocent
ly; The pipe seems sound enough, but
empty. Where's the vacuum
"And now, Mrs. Sullivan" said the
counsel, will you be kind enough to tell
the jury whether your husband was in
the habit of striking you with impunity?"
"Wid whatT" with impunity." HE
wuz, sir, now and thin; but he sthruck
me ofthener wild his fisht."
1t is a common proverb, and, indeed,
il is the creed of the homepathist, that
like cures like. But there is one thing
as to which neither homepathist nor
allopathist has pronounced an opinion,
and that is what cures dislike.
There appears on the registry list Of
Slanislaus county Cal, the following re-
markable entry: John l.. Crawford,
voting number, 1893; register number,
sos; age. %; country of nativity, Eng
land; occupation, hog thief.
A poor old man in country village
had been in the habit OF receiving from
the parson of the parish pint of milk
daily. At his death the poor man left a
pint of milk to his brother.
"Pray, Mr.. Professor, what is a peri
phrasis p Madame, it is simply cir
cumlocutory cycle OF oratorical sonorosity
circumscribing an aiom Of ideality, lost
in verbal profundity." Thank you.
sir"
An English soldier at Brentford re
| flu
away from him and threw it off bridge.
The soldier was fined $40. In this coun
try he would have been voted a medal
and pension.
A pert young barrister once boasted tc
a member OF the bar that he had received
twenty guineas for speaking in a certain
lawsuit; the other replied, II received
double that sum for keeping quiet in
that very case"
1 As the trial OF breach Of promise sui
was about TO begin in San Francisco a
juror arose and asked to be excused, be
cause he was en- gagged to be married, ano
consequently his mind was not free from
4 bias. He was excused.
lie Figaro gives an anecdote Of a Ger
tain Freedman An X is q capi
tai fellow. he never says an unkinc
thing Of any one" B.-"Well," | dom
quite see how he could. He never talk
of any one but himself"
The sale of liquors has been stopped
at the Capitol restaurant, and the NJ XII
piece of news is that the Senate is full
for the first time in over a dozen years
The Republican party should demanc
Of Mr.. Hayes an unconditional surren
der and in case Of his refusal, it should
move Immediately upon his works.-[St
Louis Globe Democrat (Rep
"A polite man" said the Due d,
Morny, sis one who listens with interes
to things he knows all about when they
are told by person who knows nothing
about them"
MY son." said Mr.. X, kindly to hi
youthful heir. "accustom yourself to b,
polite to the porter, the servant girl, tn,
!, coachman, to all the servants thus yol
will come in time to be courteous to al
people, even to your parents"
A Waterville girl worked the motto
81 need thee every hour and presente,
it to her chap. He says he can't help it
it takes him two hours to milk, and feeC
the pigs, morning and night, and busi
ness has got to be attended to.
A gentleman named Dunlop remarke,
that he had never heard his name punne,
upon, and did not believe it could b
! done. There is nothing in the worl,
more easy. sir" remarked a punster
'just lop off half the name, and it is Dun
Scene in an Iowa court. Judge: "Tha
point has been decided against you b