The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-11-16
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

OF all the words Of tongue or pen the sauues
these they won't have Ben.-I'mS
Dom Pedro thinks Of starting ON an4tho'
extended tour Anything to beat Grant'-Io'
Good name for wood cuttcr-liugh,-Er
Good name for Lmburgcr cheese mah"Iart"'
er-Puph. BREAKFAST 1dbfe, "oou
name for defeated canddatc-Reu
The coming woman dropped in yesterday
She wanted dollar for the new church carpet
Pumpkin pies are healthy and good. III, Glad
70 hear there is no serious illness among 'hc"''
and If they are good they will be happy
The school Board of Galveston, Tex, is en-
gagged in determining whether or not Mrs Jar
land. when she made an incorrgble pupil
take dose of castor-oil, was acting ultra rreS'
sbakespeare's recipe for cooking bcefstcak is
found in Macbeth:
If il were done, when tits done, then
'Twere well il were done quickly.
HAYES weeping over Madisons grave and Mark
Twain weeping over Adams grave are two OF
the gravcst and mos, affecting passages IN his
tory.
Since Talmage has commenced visiting the
low dance houses and slums of New York his
salary has been raised from $1,000 to Sl2ooo'
And now the rush Of preachers to the bells is
lawful"
There is no such word as Can't in the Boston
dictionary 1t is "cahnt"
Croouet is the only game in which the stakes
are put at both ends.
The burden of celebrating Thanksgiving falls
on turkey. You've guessed wrong. IL fails on
the country editor who hasn't any turkey /
Hank. Gdz.
A Worcester, Mass, clergyman on Sunday
notified his hearers as follows; communion
service will be held in this church this afternoon,
and the state election will be held on Tuesday.
God save the commonwealth Of Massachusetts,
II seems there are remote localities in Rhode
Island. The Providence Joornat says: singular
as it may seem to the denzcns OF crowded as
tricts. the news of n pending election does not
get thoroughly circulated in some of the sparscly
settled portions of the state. There are hundreds
of voters in remote localities VINO need to be re-
minded Of the election.
That was happy day for the Noah family
when there were only two mosquitoes IN
the whole world, and those the two brought INTO
the ark Those were the good old days -H"-
Jou JourndL
II makes all the difference whose OK is gored
The New York Times grows both lachrymoSc ANA
indignant over an alleged expression OF a Demo-
cratic politician in Alabama towards the Repub-
leans to the effect that "They may vote but we
will count" The Times thought very differently
when the Democratic OK was gorcd in Louisiana
two years ago
Editors are generally poorly of for clothing
NII hnnr ,fn vii ~
calculate that one is the suit he wears every day
and Sundays, too, and the other Is II llpcl suit
Rome SGdinet
In view of the Stewart sacregc, the Wander
bilt scandal, &c, the New York pulpit is discuss
inc the question, "Darc the rich die?' After
deeply bordering the conundrum our conclusion
is that at present we'd rather not.
Patrick Hart drew revolver to shoot Hugh
Towey in saloon in San Patrico, Tex. The
bar.keeper requested him not to fire, because
the mirrors might be broken, So the pair con
sideratcly retired to the street. where they shot
AT each other, duel fashion, until Towey was
killed
The will of Mr.. Land, late of Kentucky leaves
all his property to his wife, and specifies that she
'can marry again if she wants to-" And yet
A clergyman who was recently called to hold
services in the state prison at Sing Sing prcfaccd
his remarks to the prisoners by saying that he
was glad to so large number present"
Ellsworth, of the Lacon Journal, seems to have
gone into the election with great enthusiasm,
and for a temperance town must have had un-
commonly racy experiences. His paper morn
In, Ia
If our readers chance to see anything in this
weeks issue that they have read somewhere else
they must attribute it to the fact that the senior
is blind in one eye and can't see good out Of the
tothcr," and the "boys" are doing the editing.
The gentle warbler, Clara Louise Kellogg,
wanted a sandwich just as the midnight train was
leaving Montreal for Buffalo, and because it
couldn't be had, refused to go on that train, and
the manager was obliged to hire an extra at II
cost Of $3.50 Rather expensive sandwich.
An electric light on the tower of the Maryland
Institute, says the Baltimore SIN, Is so strong
that anyone possessed of good cycsight can easily
read the fine type Of that paper, or 'tell the time
from the face of watch at two miles distance"
A light that enables to tell the time of night
on watch two miles distant must be pretty
strong.
The Norristown HcyaH relates at some length
Il remarkable case where burglar entered
room where man and wife lay asleep. When
they awokc the burglar pointed his pistol at
them and quietly backed out, getting off with
his booty. The remarkable feature about it is
that though both were equally scared out ofthcir
wits, the mans hair turned white while the wo-
mans remained unchanged The woman, for
tunably, had hang hers over the back of II chair
Mr.. Henry Reed contributes to the Cincinnati
Ga5ette a luminous paper on the tramp nuisance,
accounting for it thus:
'Superinduced cerebral uncasincss, without II
cOunterbalance OF digcsted and ussimilatcd know
ledge, and a memory plethoric with the husks Of
vapid eruditiOn, constitute the proper reccpta-
Gle for those half ideas and onesdcd rat0cina-
tons which impregnatc men with the belief that
they are in advance Of the age in which they live,
and were born TO be the rcnOvatOrs of society and
the harSingers Of Il new dispcHsation."