West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-08-31
WAITS AND WHIMS.


to be born. Graphic.
Now doth the cornet soloist throw
open the window of his chamber and
let loose sounds that deprociate the value
of real estate in the vicinity WTId
oats.
lT is reported from the West that even
the friendly Bannocks will fight rather
than starvo TO death. This shows up
the amazing turpitude of the red man.
-Gr0phic.
a BoA constructor at the Philadelphia
geological Gardens swallowed an army
blanket under the impression that he
was getting new kind of raspberry
shortcakc.--D Detroit Free Press.
TnE barber is an Independent chap,
and, like all strapping big fellows can
always hold his hone.-Ahd California.
Great fellow, though, for getting into
scrapcs. .-Phii0deiphiG Bulletin.
a FAST walker, it is estimated, could
not walk TO the sun i'm less than 1868
years, but O'Leary is willing I" bet
that he can do il in ,74l years if some
body will lay the sawdust. - Graphic.
NoTnING tries the patience of man
more than to be sitting on n sofa i'm
dark room with pretty girl, and be
compelled TO listen To her brother giving
the history of n base ball club.-Puck.
Two lawyers, while bathing at Santa
Cruz, the other day, were chased out of
the water by shark. This IL the most
fragrant case of want of professional
courtesy on record.-S1R Francisco Post.
THE Lyons Republican tx publishing n
series of articles about the early settlers
of Lyons. will editor Tinsley supple
ment his articles by giving us few
columns about those subscribers who
are not early settlers p whitehall Times
NURSE" Did you put that nasty
mud ON the doorstep. Master Charley 7'
Little Master Charles-"N No, nur,e."
Nurse (artfully)-" But / saw you from
the window" Charles (more artfully)---
That you didn't, for looked up to all
the windows before ! did it."-LOnol0n
,JUdy.
A WOMAN in the upper end Of the
town is so extremely fond Of entertain
ing friends that her husband calls her
Misery, because she loves company
Rome Sentinel. Like the man in this
city who addresses his wife IA Iilwind,
because she blows no good.-jSyracuse
Times.
AN exchange, few days ago, an
nounced: A report Of Rev. Mr.. B---'s
very able sermon is crowded out Of this
issue by n press of more timely mat
ters." On another page we found
column devoted TO base ball, and half
column TO horse trot.-N0TristoWn
HcTdd
The little girl ratified il off as if she
knew it by heart: " Why do ducks put
their heads in the water? For divers
reasons. Why do they take them out?
For sundry reasons. Why do they put
them in again? TO liquidate their little
! bills. Why do they take them out
AGAIN. To make u run on the bankBP
-Graphic.
IN the course Of street brawI the
other day one Of tho disputants was
| heard TO reterate with considerable pro-
family that he might be whipped but he
wouldn't be subjugated. IL seems that
| he miscalculated q tile on this point,
as he was seen the mex day going TO
/ picnic along with his wife. and actually
| carrying the baby Breakfast Table.
The English versiferg are now wrest-
| ling with rhymes for "Cyprus" Some
unmusic lly suggest typhus," "try
| fuss" and nitrous" not one Of which
! fulflls the requirements. Another
]
"viprOus" and correspondent Of the
! London Post says. best Of all
| We have taken Vob 3. and iu' eud 10 keep Ctp-us
To spiteO o. all threats put thai In your pipe Russ
AN individual who recently called his
] creditors together, showed n surplus
! over liabilities Of two thousand dollars,
| and his lawyer proposed settlement of
| fifty cents on the dollar, at which the
| creditors objected, insisting on ut least
seventy.fve. 90, no, can't do that"
! interrupted the debtor, " for / should
/ have hardly any thing left for myself"
! a fact Commercial Bulletin.
BIRTH poetry is the latest inf ction
! born 10 a suffering people. Now look
out for jingle after the following pat
tern:
| a humping boy 10 --- is born
! Jut T. n pounds and quarte
/ lie mas his d ddy Rum'un rose
And n lalls just ho ougnt-rr.
We've got litt q babv girl,
] It's utuc n ] hp \ ann rt
'Twass ~ 40 bless our falling years,
Aud play On the an or.
~ r Commercial
WE have seen considerable muddled
English in our time, but the following.
which we find In an exchange, seems 10
us entitled 10 the palm 4" IF the gentle
man who keeps the shoe shop with the
red head will return the umbrella Of the
young lady with whalebone ribs and an
iron handle 10 the slate.rOofed grOcer's
shop, he will hear Of something to his
advantage as the same is the gift Of a
deceased mother now no Tpore with the
name engraved upon it, Elmira AdUer-
tiser.
NEwsPAPERs have TO be very careful
and cautious in making attacks on Zach
other. Last week the Bridgeport Farmer
stated that an inmate Of the Hartford
Almshouse was trampled to death by
bull and is not expected to recover"