Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1878-05-10
Fun In the WltnesS-BOX.
From All the Year Round.

In IL recent trial at Winchester. II witness,
| tnihng to make his version of Il conversation
intellIgible by reason of his fondness for
''says !" and says he, was taken in hand
| by Baron Martin with the following result :
| My man, tell us now exactly what passed.
| YES, my Lord l said would not have the
| pig" And what was his an5wer p 'He
said he had been keeping it for me, and that
he "No, no he could not have said
that he spoke in the first person" No,
| my Lord | was the first person that spoke.
| Il mean don't bring in the third person /; re-
| peat his exact words There WAS 10 third
person, my Lord only him and me" My
| good fellow, he did not say he had been keep
ing the pig he said, L have been keeping
it," 81 assure you, my Lord, there was no
mention of your LoIdship at all. We are on
different stories There was no third person
there, and ii anything had been said about
| your Lordship must have heard it. The
| Baron gave i'll. Lord Mansfield once came
oil second best in endeavoring to make
witness use intelligible language. The man
had deposed that he Ind not suffered any less
ut the defendants hands, because he was up
to him what do you msan by being up to
him ?" asked his Lordship. Mean. my
Lord why, that | was down upon him.
Down upon him ?" repeated the Judge, in
terrogatively. "Yes. my Lord /; deep as he
thought himself | staggered him." Really,
said Lord Mansfield Il do not understand
this sort of language" mot understand
it = exclaimed the unabashed adept in slang.
Not understand it. Lord what flat you
must be - Humorous in this way of putting
things was the gentleman who said Stock
Exchange bear was a person who sold what
he had not got n bull man who bought
what he could not pay for, and that "a finan-
cier' was IA man who doesn't want shares
buying them from one who has none to sell.
A jew, speaking of II young man as his SON.
in-law was accused OF misleading the court,
since the young man was really his son.
Moses however, persisted that the name he
put to the relationship was the right one
and addressing the bench, said II was in
Amsterdam two years and three quarters
when come home finds this lad. Now the
law obliges me to maintain him, and conse-
quently he is my son-in-law. well, said
Lord Mansfield" this is the best definition
of Il son-in- law | ever yet heard" 1t may be
doubted il that legal luminary would have
acquiesced as readily III witness whose
name wns not to be found on the Law List,
calling himself solicitor on the ground that
he had been soliciting advertisements for
newspaper for eight years or held a bill
poster, who could not read, justified IN de-
scrihing himself rs IL professional man con-
nected with the press. Assuredly, he would
not agree with the street-nigger who admit
ted his calling was low one, but still thought
it so much better than that followed by his
father that he telt inclined to be proud OF it.
and pray, sir, what was your fathers
caling?' inquired the learned gentleman,
cross examining him.
Well replied the sham darkey, "he was
II lawyer
An Irishman examined before a Fishery
Commission seemed SO inclined to avow any
thing, that one OF the Commissioners asked
if there were any whales ON the west coast.
'Is it whales, sir ~ said Pat sure you
may see M by the dozen, spouting about like
watcr-engines all over the place
Are there many dog fish p was the next
question. Dogs begorra, yed say so had
We passed the night there. Sure, we can't
sleep for tine bnrkIn' u thin y DO flying
fish abound there?' queued another gentle
man. '.Flyng-lish Is 1t p quoth the veia-
cious fellow. ali We didn't put up the shut
ters every night there wouldn't be n whole
pane q glass in the house, for the craters
iatin al,lust them = When he came up Tor
his expenses, Hat tried to coax something
cxtr, out of the Commissioners ON the plea
that he had sworn to everything their honors
'uxed" him.