The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-01-19
VARIETY.

Never tell man he's fool. In the first
place he won't believe you, and in the next place
you make him your enemy.
In Maine they blow out the contents of eggs
and fill the shells with whisky. The eggs then
sell for 81 80 dozen. All on account of the
Maine liquor law.
\ New England philosopher says he can't
lind out where the air leaves off and the earth
begins Let him fall backwards from a fence,
and he'll soon find out.
. Mr.. Smith, is your customer Brown a man
to be trusted 20 :. know of no one more so.
He is to be trusted forever, he never pays.
Observation-Disclosures (on coming home
from the seasIde) - Why, Jane, what's be-
come of the bulfinch - Jane WE'LL you see,
MN, it didn't say much and looked droopin
like, SO cook put 1t out of its misery, an I'd it
stuffed for my, at-'-Pluuch.
We adorn graves with flowers and redolent
plants. just emblems of the life of man, which
has been compared in the Holy Scripture to
those fading beauties whose roots being buried
in dishonOr, rise again in glory.
- Susan said the madame of Il boarding
school, . you say your mistress wishes to absent
herself from the classroom this afternoon is
the reason for her staying away very urgent?"
- Yes, mum, it Is 'er gent
Wit is not the produce of study it comes al
most unexpectedly on the speaker as the bearer.
One of the first principles OF it Is good temper.
The arrows of wit ought always to be feathered
with smiles when they fail in that they be-
come sarcasms.
y Dutchman, in describing pair of horses
he had lost said - Dey fiery much alike,
specially the off one. Won Iookt so much alike
pOth L could not tell together from which when
l went after one L always catch the oder, and
L whipped the one most dead because the other
kicked me-"
During q recent thunderstorm near Memphis
Tenn, negro was severely kicked by a vicious
mule, and just he picking himself up, a
stroke Of lighting hit the mule, and killed him
dead on the spot. - Well, dar - exclaimed the
negro, - eff dis chile haint got pow ful lrens to
venge his insults, den dere's no use tryin' to
hab faith in any ting -
\ boy tried his first pipe the other day
When his father came home to dinner he found
him braced up against barrel, with his legs
spread apart, his hands and lower jaw dropping
listlessly, and deathly pallOr Overspreading
his face. - What is the matter with you -
inquired the amazed parent. My teacher
is-sick,' gasped the boy Well, YOU mustn't
feel SO badly about it, Tommy" said the father
kindly. - She will get we'll again, without a
Doubt And then, stepping into the house. he
observed TO his wife that he was the most sym-
pathetic boy he ever saw.
prominent lawyer recently gave the follow
ing definition of the law - 1t is simply an effort
to shit the responsibility of the decision. The
jury of laymen, befogged by the pleadings make
up their verdict with the understanding that if
there Is anything wrong about it, the Supreme
Court, composed of lawyers, Will make il all
right The Supreme Court settles it according
to law, with the understanding that the Iayme2
of the Court of Appeals will adjust the eGuitv
The Court OF Errors orders a new trial. and Il
begins with the jury of laymen. 1t is simply a
mill that goes round and round and grinds the
property of fools.
\ BEwILDERED EDITORIAL WRIrER-By au-
thority from the editor-inchi L am allowed
to use the editorial We Why we are so
favored remains TO me a mystery. However.
we propose to enjoy all the privileges to which
am entitled, and hope no fault will be found
with Us for doing as : am permitted
We sounds much better and has also n dorbI
significance, which L, alas have not This
fact is by me doubly to be regretted
My spirits rise when we take un onr nancil
and proceed to write my first editorial Toftv
ideas crowd our brain and move me tn rttorary
The Importance of our position dawns mon
my mind, and we feel tue responsibilitv Which
rests upon me. WINCH
HencefOrth | shall know whereof we snaaL
In TACT, my duty already becomes heavy | bn,
must and will preserve the dignity which shall
be wrapped like mantle about us | will sur
prise rival editors, who will gaze in wonder OF
the symmetrical beauty of our-my (where th
printer S ID is the) composition
In the most lucid manner will we present m,
opinions and our views to the public mind w
are certain that unqualified appreciation fo
my work will be accorded us, and to me mucl
praise will be given for our command of Ianguao
and my knowledge of the rules of grammar o.
which we pride myself. But / see that my
should say our-peneil needs sharpening, an
we are out Of prOnouns.-Ennily Hawthorne
"t me indianapolis Herald.