The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1878-02-16
Single Copies, 8 cts.
HUMOROUS.

glorifed blonde
TO lard-masers-If at first you don't
succeed, try, try again.
The drop curtain is so called because
the gents go out for drop while it is down.
"A man never uses his thumb nail for
screw-driver but once.
The difference between pig and por-
cupine is that one uses pen and the other
quill.
--Astonished Englishman-" IIof course
there's a hel. Wat would the halphabet be
without a help"
What will the harvest bee? Get him
up the leg of your pantaloons and you'll
mighty soon find out.
The farmer, as he gazes over the market
report and notices another drop in pork;
wonders if there isn't way to remonetize
hogs
Scan you tell me, sor-r, wher-ro Mis-
tress Mur-r-phy livcs?' (Which Mrs.
Murphy?" "The one who died last noight,
sor-r!"
1t has been discovered that the best way
to prevent apples from rotting is to put them
in warm, dry cellar, and let family of
10 children have free access to them.
-"Young politician "'writes to ask "is
the ship of state three master?" No, SON
ny. With Carl schurz reaching alter the
masters position, it looks more like foreign
after"
-" DiGldence is hard to overcome, wrote
a schoolgirl in her composition. All, yes;
so it is, but the man with corn under ano-
ther mans heel must and will howl.
The Danbury Nc,cs observes that a
great many young men who swore Off"
on New Years Day are manfesting an in
clination to say, We'll, we've got but one
life to live, anyway"
"A philosophical observer remarks that
babies which are found are generally the
children of women who have been lost.
81 live in Julia's eyes," said an affected
dandy in Comans hearing. 81 don't Won
der at it," replied George, "since I observed
she had a sty in them when | saw her last"
"A gentleman, visiting an Irshman, OBJ
served monster pig struttng about the
house, and asked how they got "such u
brute up those two stairs ?" "May it phase
yer honor" said Paddy, "it was never down
to be TUX up"
\ ,,afiva eF Ivewcl was asked by
gentleman lately to purchase some poison
for him at a neighboring chemists for the
purpose of destroying a dog. "Na, ma"
said he, 'if aa ask for poison, the man'll
mebbies think aa's gan to drCon myself"
PAY the bill?" said a gentleman who
is well known to collectors as the prince Of
procrastnators. 81 should be happy to do
so but this damp weather has caused my
money drawer TO swell, and l can't get at
my funds. Come the first dry day"
"Wring out the old" says Tennyson;
We wonder does he mean
The old, old shirt that week on week
So oft wrung out has been.
If so, we say, "ring in the new,"
Nor seek our hopes to cozen,
Ring in the newest and the best;
And let it be dozen.
-Tonker'S Gazette.
-"Ten dimes make one dollar" said the
schoolmaster. "Now, 90 on, sir. Ten dol
lars make one-what?" "They make one
mighty glad these times" replied the boy.
And the teacher, who hadn't got his last
months salary yet, concluded that the boy
way about right.-Nc10 York Commercial
Adratiscr
Hard tmes-Principal-"What are the
firms requirements, Mr.. Screwgy?" Head
clerk-"Horse wants four new shoes, sir'
Princpal-"Sthat all? Hum! Write for
tenders to three or four of the principal
houses-shoes to be delivered at our works
state utmost credit-and how much in
cash they'll allow for the old ones!!p'-
Punch.
lie was so drunk he could not walk,
could scarcely move and only partially ar
ticulatc. A friend of his came mp and up
braided him. "If I We're in your place."
said the friend, "Id 60 out in the woods and
hang myself" If (hic) you were in my
place, how (hic) the deuce (hic) would you
get to (hic) the woods? ?" was the sQuelching
inquiry,
"A Bangor gentleman contributes to the
Wing of that town little story of one Of
his children, whom they have sought TO
teach to be polite. "We had" he writes,
"pork steak for dinner, the other day, when
an old friend, whom the little folks had
never seen, dropped in. OF this our six
ycar-old is very fond, and, as we helped our
friend, the little fellow spoke up, "I's very
hard to sit here and see the largest pieces Of
lean 60 into strangers plate"
He tumblcd fair and square, he did,
Upon the pavement slippery,
And bruised his bones and badly soiled
His gay and gorgeous ioppcry.
And she, sweet lass, went down with him,
In all her stylish lripnrey:
Such tragic incidents take place
When sidewalks are so slippery.
-"Fact s," said the man with the green
necktie and the deep cuffs, who had lust
roared and sworn at the walters for daring
to bring him a bit of corn bread with his
mullins. "Fact is, I'm not used to that sort
of thing at home. and don't want it poked
at me at hotel, where pay for what l
get" This was at Ashtabula. The pre-
yious morning he had breakasted at home,
and imagined that nothing could be nicer
than new liver, and bits fried over from last
nights supper.
some anonymous individual announces
that the people of the United States use
daily eight tons of paper collars, We do
not understand this. The man with the pa
per collar is an outcast from society. He is
never seen ON the street or in the parlor.
What, then, docs he do with all the paper
collars? Docs he eat them? Is il possible
that there is growing up among the youth
of this vast country q morbid appetite-a