The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-02-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

VII AMI nOmVhs
THE man who swore off has sworn on
again.
SILENCE is not always golden. The
oyster is continually getting into trolls
and stews.
RAILROAD men may not always be good
dangers, but they are very skillful on
brake-down.
THE best way to interest the Indian in
agriculture is to show him that whisky
is made out of corn.
A GENTLEMAN said, when pretty girl
trod on his toes, that he had received
the stamp of beauty.
The four daughters of a New York
State man, named Pints, are known as
half gallon O 'lasses.
DID you ever reckon up the number of
people you would like to kick if thew
were not rich ?-DGaa6aWy NeaOs.
EXPERIENCE may be a dear teacher,
but she isn't any dearer than pretty
school-ma'am.-OW City Derrick.
The days of knighthood have passed
away, and yet about every tramp you
meet is lneased In coat of aims.
WHAT is Communist? One who hath warnings
For equal division of unequal earnings;
1dler or burglar, or both, he is willing
To fork out his penny and pocket your shilling
On the theory Of the survival of the
fttist, the tailor and the dressmaker
ought ere long to possess the earth.
OUT of 1T ladies in Michigan Univer-
sity, only four have taken to law. How
many have taken to lawyers is not
stated.
''I CAN'T undertake, wife, to CRAFTY
all your whims it would be as much as
my life is worth" sob, sir, that's
nothing"
IT is when dry-goods clerk of nine
ty-seven pounds weight attempts to help
from farm-wagon farmers wife of 2O3
pounds avoirdupois that the reporter
seats himself contentedly on the curb
stone and waits fol the catastrophe.
THE lark may safely rise early, per
haps. He doesn't know any better, and
he hasn't good place to sleep We
know a man who rose early every day for
five years. But retribution came at last.
He was thrown from stage-coach and
had his neck broken.
CIVILIZATION is not myth after all.
The Indians are beginning to swap coon
skins for 6ne-toothed combs. The SOL
diers were not sent West for nothing;
and now where's the man who says no
good ever comes from keeping standing
army ?-Canciaapatj Breakfast Table.
"THINGs are a climbin' down low.
sonny" remarked the old darkv.
Fust, I done come down ter two meals
a day; den [ comes down to one-mighty
plain one at dat-an' now, Dress my ole
hide, eff [ don't got ter scratch round
ter git so much as one good squar' lunch
in a week"
THE color Of girls hair is regulated
by the size of her fathers pocket-book.
II the latter be plethora, the girls
tresses are golden or auburn. IF the
old mans wallet is lean, we hear the
daughter spoken of as only "that red
headed gal" You never saw rich girl
with red hair.
Mrs. MCCARTHY" Faith an T don't
want the things at all, at all, Biddy
O'Brady, though it's yourself, wild your
plisint tongue, I'd rather have than any
one else to chate me" B. OBJ "That's
thrue for ye, Mrs. Mccarthy, an shure
I don't know anyone else in the wide
world I'd be half SO PLACED to chate."
A BROOKLYN man claims to have teIe-
scopic eyesight because the moon looks
to him like silver globe, and not disk.
Griggins says the moon has often looked
to him like two silver globes, but he
never claimed any extra vision on ac-
count of it. He thinks the extent of
the phenomenon depends a good deal
upon the brand of whisky man carries
with him. Breakfast Table.
wooD-sAWING,
60 I'm out of work and have no food"
Spoke up the tramping cheat.
So III give you both, the replied,
90 So sit you down and eat;
Then unto yonder wood-pile go,
Where toll till return,
And feel how proud thing it is
A livelihood to earn.n
A saddened look came Ger the tramp;
He seemed like one bereft;
He slowed away the victuals cold;
He-saw the wood and left
In 1876 seven and a-half miles Of rail-
Dad were built in Tennessee; in 1877,
wenty -one and quarters miles. Up
o date Tennessee has 1,667 miles of rail