Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1878-04-09
How Mrs. Dobbs Cheated MIR. Dobbs.

II do think" said Mrs. Dobbs, snip
ping energetically at the seams of a pal
t of funmenti0nables she was just finishing
, for her lord and master, Josiah Henr,
Dobbs, "that your father is the queeres
, man ever saw in my life. 1 dom
believe he'd know one of his own chill
, dren from anybody else's if he wer
to meet 'em in the street-or anywher
else. for that matter, except at the din
ner table," she added, soto v0ce. A fac
which was quite true, and not surpris
ing, since the DObbs' heirs were nine in
, number, including double twins and {
f1eshy, round-eyed baby, who was no
, unlike dozen other infantile specimens
on the same block.
AS Mrs. Dobbs gave utterance to the
above clearly expressed opinion, the
nine olive branches of the Dobbs family
with the exception of the last edition
who lay in unconscious slumber in the
clothes. basket at her feet, crowded about
her knees, with the approving glances
on their eight respective faces which
told how fully they appreciated her re.
mark.
"Wouldn't even know the baby ?'
one of the twins, looking up
with unwinking gravity in her face.
"Of course not" she answered, a sniff
of contempt audibly perceptible in her
voice; land that puts me in mind of a
Ijoke once heard, of the way man was
fooled with his own baby" and then
she stopped.
"How was it done?" chorused the
eight little voices in breath.
Mrs. Dobbs rubbed her nose and con-
sidered, before she again spoke.
"Weil," said she at last, "it was this
way-the mother of the child put it in a
basket, and had it left at the front door,
and when it was brought in, there was
fine row, can tell you; the father
was for sending the brat as he called
went off into believe Mysteries, and
the end of it was that the laugh was
turned on the father, because you see he
was like that old fo-like your worthy
progenitor, Josiah Dobbs, who don't
know his own baby from his next door
neighber's."
| The children laughed, Of course, al
though the exact point where the laugh
came in was not apparent to their tender
minds; then they fell to thinking, the
result being proposition which came
from Sam, the eldest of the Dobbs flock
| "Marm," said he, tomorrow is the
first of April. Why can't you fool faith
er like t'other man, with our baby ?"
Mrs. Dobbs turned to him with a sud-
den jerk that sent the contents of her
work basket in all directions at once,
and slapped her hands together with a
resonant clap.
''Sam Dobbs," she cried, "you amt
got bit of the old-of your father in
you; you're smart boy, and we'll do
it?" at which compliment the remark
able youth burst into an expressive
whoop of appreciation, his seven young
er brothers adding the diminuendo of
their small voices thereto.
| A hush followed, and then Mrs. Dobbs
and her interesting progeny held a pro-
longed consultation, in which the en-
livening scene to be enacted on the fol-
lowing evening was duly discussed, and
Sam appointed major-d domo of the occa-
| ion.
The eventful hour drew near, and as
Josiah Dobbs sat down to his evening
meal, it was with the conviction that
there was not another family at once SO
large and 80 well behaved in all Chris
tendon as his own at least, he said so,
and complimented his worthy spouse
on her wonderful maternal manage
ment.
] Here the front door bell rang, and
/ Sam, Obedient to his mothers command,
arose to answer the summons.
| In few minutes be returned, bearing
good. sized market basket, from the
depths of which came smothered wall,
telling the nature Ofits contents without
an Interrogation. l
"Sam- u-el Dobbs, what in the name
of creation haze you been bringing in ?"
cried the matron, in well-feigned alarm,
at the same time arising from her seat.
Either cat or baby, dunno which,"
returned Sam, depositing the basket be-
side his fathers chair.
"Sounds mighty like baby" mutter-
ed Dobbs, growing intensely red about
the forehead and temples.
Like to know what anybody'd leave
baby at our door for" snapped Mrs.
Dobbs, darting an expressive look at her
lords crimsoning countenance; "but
here's note that like as not will explain
it," and bending over the basket she re-
moved a white envelope which was
pinned to the cover, and broke the seal.
"Josiah III. Dobbs," she read, aloud,
''this child is your own, as you will per-
ceive on looking at Its face, and I COM
mend 1t to your care; and"
At this point the worthy woman deem
ed it proper to break down, which she
did in manner that would have done
credit to an experienced member of the
dramatic profession.
"Jo-si-ah Dobbs!' she shrieked,
"this from you, and the wife of your
bosom, thinkin' you the best and truest
of husbands? Oh-Oh-Oh! boo-hoo p,
and Mrs. Dobbs, who was extremely fat,
rolled over on the old-fashioned sofa in
a manner that would have been comical
but for the premonitory symptoms of
hysteria that were pending beyond all
hope of suppression.
"That child is not mine ~ roared
Josiah, kicking over his chair by way of
giving emphasis to the assertion.
'Tis ~ jerked the lady, between her
sobs.
Josiah uttered a sound midway be-
tween q sniff and a grunt, supercilious
and exasperating in the extreme.
"Look at it, and see, you miserable,
married fraud, and then deny it if you
ean!" she screamed, beating the air with
her pulpy hands the while; "behold it,
and then gaze in your wife's unhappy
face, and dare to protest your limo
cence."
Dobbs did as he was bidden. walking
| Eo'SA W. sAAS OesoAAooS esAN Y ulChly IculOVGU
the wraps from the infants small face.
Its just as I said, Mary Ann,n he re.
marked, coolly. "It's none of mine. "
This was the point where the Joke was
supposed to culminate, and Mrs. Dobbs
threw herself into the role she had un.
dertaken with happy imitation of an
indignant wife; crossing the floor with
majestic mien, and also uncovering the
face OF the unsuspecting infant IN the
market basket; one glance, and then a
scream re-echoed through the Dobbs
mansion at once, SO penetrating and full
OF terror that the smiles on the counte.
nanees of the eexpectantj Dobbses
died out in sheer fright, and Josiah
hastily stuffed his fingers in his ears.
For Heaven's sake, Mary Ann
listen! !" he entreated. when she paused
for an instant, half suffocated with her
own emotions, "and I'll-"
But his expestulations were cut short
in the piercing shrieks she emitted with
renewed vigor, intermingled with the
cries of: "My baby, my poor baby, my
darling little Tommy, where are you p
She was noxu foot vo-n1por nv, IL oe