The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1878-04-03
MalaprODOs.
IChambers' Journal.

Charles Dickens once wrote to friend:
Il have distinguished myself in two respects
lately. L took young lady unknown down
to dinner. and talked to her about the
bishop of Durham's nepotism in the matter
OF Mr.. Cheese. found she was Mrs Cheese.
And expatiated to the member for Mary
lebone, Lord fermoy-generally conceiving
him to be an Irish member-On the con-
TEN ptible character of the Marylebone con-
stituency and Marylebone representatives"
Two such mishaps in one evening were
enough to reduce the most brilliant talker
Sides of the London bound coach.
who beguiled the tedium of the journey
from Southampton by discussing the
dement's of William Goblet, until one of
the party went so far as to assert that the
object of their denunciation was a domestic
tyrant, given TO beating his wife; when,
much to his dismay, the solitary lady pas
senger, who had hitherto sat a silent listener.
remarked: Pardon me, sir; kinder hus-
band and father never breathed; and ought
to know, for L am William Cobbett's wifer'
Mr.. Giles of Virginia, and Judge Duval, of
Maryland, members of congress during
Washington administration, boarded at the
house of Mrs. Gibbon. whose daughters
were well on in years, and remarkable for
talkativeness. When Jefferson became pres
ident, Duval was comptroller of the treasury
and Giles a senator. Meeting one day in
Washington they fell to chatting over old
times and the senator asked the comptroller
If he knew what had become
of that cackling old maid, Jenny
Gibbon?' "She is Mrs. Duvai' sir" was
the unexpected reply. Giles did not attempt
to mend matters as a certain Mr.. Tuberviile
unwisely did. This unhappy blunderer re-
sembled the Irish gentleman who complained
that he could not open his mouth without
putting his foot in ii. Happening to OBJ
cor TO- oil
that the lady who had sat at his right hand
at dinner was the ugliest' woman he had
ever beheld, the person addressed expressed
bis regret that he should think his wife so
i'll looking. Il have made a mistake" said
the horrfied Tuberville; Il meant the lady
who sat on my left" "Well, sir, she is my
sister," was the response to the well inten-
toned fib, bringing from the desperate con-
noisseur of beauty the frank avowal: 'It
can be helped, sir, then; for, if what you
say be true, L confess | never saw such en-
ugly family IN the course of my life"
An honest expression of opinion, perhaps
not easily forgiven by the individual con
cerned, was that wrung from Mark Twain,
who, standing right before young lady in
Partisan public garden, cried out to his
friend, Dan, Just look at this girl; how
beautiful she ISL to be rebuked by this
girl saying in excellent English: 81 thank
you more for the evident sincerity of the
JDt0 the extraordinary
publicity you have given itp' Mark took
walk, but did not feel just comfortable for
some time afterward.
One OF the humorists countrymen made q
much more serious blunder. He was mar
ried man. Going into the kitchen one day,
pair OF soft hands were thrown over his
eyes, kiss was imprinted on his cheek. He
returned the salute with interest, and, as he
gently disengaged the hands of his fair as
sailant asked: Mary, darling, where is the
mistress?' and found his answer in an indig-
nant wlfe's face. Mary darling bad gone
out for the day, and the lady of the house
intended by her affectionate greeting to give
her lord a pleasant surprise. He got his
surprise; whether he thought il a pleasant
one he never divulged, but that kitchen
knew Mary no more.
After doing his office for young couple
a clergyman was inveigled into proposing
the health of bride and bridegroom at the
wedding breakfast. He wound up a neat
little speech by expressing the hope that the
result of the union of the happy pair might
prove strictly analogous to that of the brides
honored parents. The groom looked angry,
the bride went into mysteries, the brides
maids blushed and became interested in the
pattern OF the carpet, the master of the
house blew his nose with extraordinary
violence, and the speaker sat down wonder
ing at the effect he had created: till his
the lady was not the daughter of the host and
hostess, but a niece who came to live with
them when her mother and father were d.
vorced.
When a note was handed to DR.. Fletcher
in his pulpit intimating that the presence of
q medical gentleman, supposed to be in the
church, was urgently required elsewhere, the
preacher read the letter out, and, as the
doctor was making for the door, fervently
calculated: May the Lord have mercy on
his patient"
An unpleasant way of putting the thing
was innocenrly adopted by the New York
car driver who, blissfully ignorant that his
interlocutbr was Mr. Beecher, replied to
that gentleman's query whether he did
not think it possible to dispense with run
ming the cars all day on Sunday: "Yes, sir,
l do; but there's no hope for it so long as
they keep that Beecher theater open in
Brooklyn; the cars have to run to accommo-
date that"
An American newspaper says: THE en-
thusisstic choir master who adopted Hold
the Fort as a professional hymn has been
dismissed by a minister, vino considered il
personal when the choir burst forth:
See the mighty host advancing,
Satan leading on"