The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-01-26
VARIETY.

8 Ma, IA has got the best of you-you can't
strike matches on your trousers like he cam
\ true American is too proud to beg and too
honest to steal; he gets trusted.
\ Lady medium recently tried to call up Brig
ham Young; but Brigham said, '' Not any.
There's been enough of that nonsense
If sulphur baths are as saIutary as their ad-
7yOeates claim, some sinners will have excellent
health in the next world.
\ French author says: g When l lost my
Ayie, every family in the town offered me another
but when L lost my horse no one offered to make
him good"
New York lawyers have come down little
more in the matter of fees, and are willing to
leave client pair of boots to walk home in
IF they are old ones
Where are our men and women? In Chicago
the other day, the fOre-gentleman of a machine
shop married the fOre-lady of a millinery estab-
lishment.
\ Minnesota paper made young poetess say /;
- Oh for heart full of yearliDgsI" :" The
pOetess wrote to the editor declaring that she
wrote - yearnings," and the printer who set it
up '' yearlings " was calf.
Had him there.-Tourist Ito friend)-As to
that, my boy, one year drank nothing but milk.
Friend-IndeedI | have known you a long time,
L IL,
Tom? TOurist-Aly first.
\ Pittsburg (Pa) woman was so astonished
the other day when her husband brought her
home thirty dollar bonnet, that it was an hour
before she could open her mouth because she
couldn't remember the combination.
Receipt for making a Russian name: Take
three alphabets and shake up in a hat, then
throw on n table. Pick up those that fall right
side up stick them in line, then add either the
>. itch - koff'' and you have genuine, full
fedged Russian Generals name.
What his visits were like Your visits re-
lmind me of the growth of a successful news
Paper" said Uncle Jabez, leaning his chin on
his cane and glaneing at William Henry, who
was sweet on Angelica.
- Why so - inquired William Henry.
50 Well they commenced on weekly grew TO
be tri-weekly, and have now become daily, with
Sunday supplement-
Yes said William Henry, bracing up.
- and after married we will issue an
extra-''
sh-h,'' said Angelica, and then they went
out for a stroll.
One of our restaurants boasts of an Irish
Munchausen who acts in the humble capacity of
waiter, and adds much TO the entertainment of
guests. One of them being served with a small
lobster asked. g Do you call that lobster,
Nike - . Faix, believe they do be calling
thin Holsters, here sur. We call 'em crabs at
home - Oh said the diner ss You have
HOLSTERS in Ireland?'' = Is it Holsters Begorra
the creeks are full of 'em. Many a time have !
seen em whin I've lepped over the strames ,,
s. How large do the Holsters grow in Ireland ?n
l. Well said Mike, thoughtfully. "To snake
widin bounds, surr. I'd say matter of FIVE or
six feet % What five or six feet; how do thew
get around in those creeks - Bedsd, sur, the
creeks in Ireland are fifty sixty feet wide,'
said the unabashed Mike. '' But, said the per-
sistent inquirer, '' you said you had seen them
when you were leaping over the streams, and
Holsters here live in the sea- 80 Deed, l did,
sur; we're powerful leppers in Ireland. As for
the say, sure I've seen it red wild EN- " But
look here, my fine fellow said the guest, think
ing that he had cornered the Hibernian, at last,
. Holsters are not red until they are boiled. -
u. Don't know that ?'' said Nike, reproach-
ally - but there are bilin springs In the ould
eou9thry, an they shwim troo 'em, an come out
10y iur ye to crack open and ate" and Mike
,Hi MutAeu calmly off to wait upon the next guest,
G'l'Ig ms interlocutOr to digest the lobster, and
tue s'ory-BostOn Commercial Bulletin.