The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-12-05
STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.


Sinful man.
whitelaw Reid is much bigger man than
old Gordon, OF Georgia.
"HaIe felloe, we'll met !' as the wagon make
said to the piece of wood
Is it proper for man to say "aboard SHIP
in speaking of being on an iron ocean steamer
The New Year approaches. Now let the man
with the liver-colored nose get ready to "swear
off, again.
The Cincinnati Times says: "The Shermant
movement begins to BOOM" That's just VIVA
Joe John.on used to think.
Congressman Jacob D. Cox nominates MI
wheeler for the Republican aniidacy in 80.
That settles the business.for Mr.. Wheeler.
co, Inpersoll has escaped one of the af1ic-
tions of great men. We haven't heard OF
baby. new style of hat, or a brand OF cigars
being named after him.
The Pope is getting after Mr.. Cowles. of the
Cleveland Leader Never mind him, Mr..
Cowles, never mind little Pecci-dillo On the
part of the old man.
THANKSGIVING was not observed in Virginia.
They don't work any over there, and don't do
much business, and they didn't know how TO
take holiday.
speech In South Carolina, for ten cents. It's a
speech down there, but up here wed Calls IL D
drachms of powder and ounces of buckshot.
"Git outIn said the farmer to the tramp. 81
am out" he replied. Out o. money, out O
money out o. grub, out o. wor-," but he didn't
wait to tell the rest, for he was kicked out
A local writer in the Cincinnati Times among
other things, says: "Wanted-the hinges from
the gates of hell" That's right, young man.
If the hinges are stolen from your gate, adver-
tise for em.
Ingersoll ought to be suppressed. He was
down at Cincinnati a short time ago, making
fun of Noah and the food, and the result was.
about a seven days rain. He's bold. bad
man.
The author of several sensational songs at
tempted to blow out his brains the other even
ing in New York When the learned Doctors
examined him, however, they came TO the
conclusion that he didn't have any to blow.
All, the times ara full of deceprioul Now. as
the citizen takes Sunday afternoon rambie
through the cemetery and reads upon shining
slab of newly polished marble, ''Here lies John
Shadkius," he involuntarily turns his eyes to-
wards Cincinnati, and wonders if even the
tombstones don't lie.
Herr Krupp has just made a cannon with a
weighing 1906 pounds, and shoots 3'2 pounds OF
powder at load Let's buy it, and make 1t a
Deputy Revenue Collector for South Carolina
"Uncle Pete" said little Jim. ON Thanksgiv-
ing day. "whar'd we git dis big turkey7 ?" "Ah
my son, de Lord1l allus perwide, eff We only hab
faith; but look yer, boy dat ye don't git
too quisitive bout dis pertickler turkey!"
When the new Governor General of Canada
x,ado oli ifoy n tn is
issued orders that all newspaper interviewers
be excluded from the ship. Good for you, Mar
quis! You've got grain left, if you do part
your hair in the middle.
Here is the Democratic cipher for use in 1880:
Tilden, Gordon, Wooley, Weed, Pelton, Have
meyer, Gummery Blare. Saltonstall. We could
furnish the key, but it is not necessary, as the
Tribune will be on hands with key, at the
proper time.
Proud Mother: "My dear Miss Primper, have
you seen my son Charles, since he came back
from college? He's perfect lion ~ Miss P:
"Oh, that's nothin' new, he was a lynn when
he went awayI" Proud mother vigorously as
saults her friends back hair.
The sentimental young man who begged
them to bury him in the grave with his dead
sweetheart, was not 80 crazy as was supposed.
He knew they would come along before he was
him free ride to the "Paris OF America"
Stanley, the explorer, lectured in England,
the other night He had with him a savage
from Africa. 1t is said that the college students
behaved so badly during the delivery of the
lecture, that the African was amazed = horri-
fed. Then, perhaps, the students went right
home and took up collection. to send mis-
sionaries to educate the heathen Africans.
"Mother,, said little Sarah, after attending
church on Sunday. "there's one thing can't
through. Mr.. A., Mr.. W and Mr..
Y. all said they were sanctified-were sure
of heavenly home, and couldn't go astray.
But when it came their turn to pray, they
prayed louder and longer than any of them. If
they're saved. what's the use of asking forgive
ness? Ifthey're sinners, what's the use saying
they're saved 2" The mother gave it up.
Many devices are being brought out for the
protection of graves against robbers. The most
popular model is the "Ciucinuati Torpedo
plan. The robber digs down until he strikes
the cofin-hox. The lid is made heavy, and
when, by superhuman exertions. he raises the
lid, 1t is SO arranged that he lifts the top off
can of Limberger cheese. concealed in the box
and is instantly overcome. This device is con-
sidered one of the most reliable.
slim Mccarthy, what are you doing there ?''
shouted the policeman who came up just as
Mccarthy had seized his better half by the
hair.
"Jist clfngin' to the cross. yer honor ~
"Jm Mccarthy, I'll lock you up for being
drunk. find you clinging TO your wifes hair,
and you pretend to believe that you are cling
ing TO the cross ~
"Thrue fur yez! Yer right. 1 said I wuz
clingin to the cross. So 1 wuz. Amt she
cross ?" The officer gave it up
''Read ther paper, Jim, an let's hear the
leaned back and puffed contentedIy at his clay
pipe. jim reads: THE latest rumor is that
Clerk Adams is seriously ILL.,
"Eh! What?" shouted the old man.
"Clerk Adams seriously iIl-not expected to
recover
"Great God, then. the Raddycals hev got u.s.
sureP walled the old man., and then settled
back in his chair to dream of shot-guns, tissue
ballots, cipher dispatches, and asylums for
crazy congressman.
"I've often wondered" said the talkative
man at the hotel table, "why people do not ex-
ercise more judgment as to what they eat and
how they eat it. (Here he swallowed hall a cup
of coffee.) 1 make it a rule Icrammng in a
whole biscuit never to take in more than my
stomach will stand. A very little of anything
sour fpoking in whole cucumber pickleJ is
good,"-here the waiter tapped him gently on
got into the wrong building; that they fed the
lecture lost through the stupidity of a waiter.
What about that Reading Room ?