The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-02-21
Wit and HumOr.


of the moment didn't sit long.
THERE IS one business that could
n ever succeed without a great many
strikers, and that is the match-trade.
A CocKNEY, in speaking of the de-
cease of an octogenarian at Hayh, SAID
''He was born at 'ayti, and he died at
heighty."
A PHILADELPHIA paper says there is
merchant in that city of forty-seven
years standing. That merchant is GER
tainly emitted to take seat.
"WouI.D you like to look through the
big telescope9" asked one girl of another,
to which the latter replied: mo; I'd
great deal rather look through key
hole"
A HARVARD student, on reading that
noted mathematician had committed
suicide by blowing out his brains, re-
marked; stuck to triggernometry to
the last"
AN Englishman being arrested for
biting off mans thumb, it was asked
where he came from. "He must have
come from Gnawthumb-erland," said Il
witty lady.
A CONGREGATIONAL brother was I'M
dergoing an examination for ordination.
Being asked, "What is your weak pontT
he answered, ASK my wife" He has
been ordained
THE most stylish Black Hills gentle
men wear red flannel collars, with big
white button for necktie." They will,
doubtless, add other things as the wealth
er gets cooler
MISSIONARY visitor (blandly)-"Well,
dame, how DO you find things nowl"
Crusty old dame-"Hpw do | find
things now9 Why, by lookin' arter
'em, TO be sure"
DEFINITION of the govt by Dumas :
"Put your toe in wise and squeeze it
till you can no longer endure the torture.
Then give the handle one more turn
and that is the govt"
WILKIE COLLINS last story is called,
''My Lady's Money" In this country
it would have been "Mother-in-L has
got the Stamps" or 1.-The Old Woman
is Well-heeled. "-BreahJdst Table.
THEN pottery things are real nice"
said Mrs. Neneering, at Browns; "me
and my daughter Maria has got the rage,
you know, and buy all we kin get. But
what on earth is they intended FORE
In Texas, recently, ajudge broke down
with emotion in sentencing desperate
to be hanged, and the desperate, sur
prised at the scene, said, as he went
back to Jail: ~ feel sorry for the judge"
A FRENCnMAN thinks the English lam
guage is very tough. "Dare is look out"
he says, (which is to put out your head
and see; and look cut, which is to haul
in your head and not for to see-just
contrarie."
SAYS the Detroit Free Press "Statistics
show that the number of idiots is in
creasiLg; and yet some newspapers con-
tinue to make war on quack doctors.
What is the quack doctor Tor but to kill
off the foosi"
"RAIpH, can you tell me why I'm like
the moon when it is twenty three days
olda" Ralph couldn't tell, and the
ques,ioner explained: "Bs cause TIE
passed my last quarter" A small loan was
advanced Immediately.
A LAWYER wrote to a client, saying
"Please send me twenty. five dollars for
that legal opinion you had of me-" The
client replied: IL never had any opinion
of you, either legal or Illegal that was
worth twenty tive cents"
you must cultivate decision of char
acter, aud learn to say No." said a
father to his son. Soon atterward, when
the father said t. his sor, "Chop wood"
the boy said No wItn an emphasis that
showed remembrance of the lesson.
LoNGrRLIow was presented to Mr..
Longworth OF Cincinnati. The latter
remarked to the poet, There is no great
difference in our names" YES" re-
piled Mr.. Longfellow, "but nortA makes
the man, the want of it the teilop."
THE late Sir George Rose, the dis
tingushed and witty English lawyer,
was overtakep bv friend one day, who
said to him: ~ thought it was you walk
ing so last" "Ah! you know the rose
by the stalk, do youl" responded Sir
George.
A GENTLEMAN, having occasion to call
on solicitor. found him in his office,
which was very hot. He remarked the
great heat of the apartment, and said I:
sit WIS as at "a. an oven" $50 il
ought to be-" replied the lawyer, "for i,
is here | make my bread"
Ir is when dry goods clerk of nine
ty-seven pounds weight attempts to help
from wagon a farmers wife of 203