The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-07-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

PUT two slices of cucumbers into a
photograph, and hear whether or not it
yells for doctor.
"WE'LL have the European question
settled pretty soon, Pat" Yes, be the
powers" was the reply.
A HANDKERCHIEF Irritation is a very
simple affair. 1t only requires two fools
and two handkerchiefs.
CT SAY" said rough fellow to fop
with conspicuous bow-legs CT say,
don't you have to have your pantaloons
cut with circular saw ?"
BIRDS are entitled to justice. When
a man is indulging in a frolic, to say he
is "out on lark" is libel on that
bird. de is really out on swallow.
No WONDER ship is called "she."
She has shifts, stays, an apron, hooks
and eyes, pins, caps and ribbons, hoods,
poppets and husband.
"PA," said little 4-year-old,
"there's a poor man out there that
would give anything to see you"
Who is it, my SOM" " 1t is blind
man."
MRS. SNIFFLER, who is from the in
terror of Kentucky, persists in calling
the keeper of the bears at Union Park
ga bartender" Somebody should
liquor for that.
A WIDOW once said to her daughter,
"When you are my age it will be time
enough to dream of husband" Eyes,
mamma, replied the thoughtless beauty,
"for a second time"
"MADAaI," said a physician to a pa
tient, "you have grown wonderfully
thin of late" Yes, DOCTOR" she re-
pied. 81 am getting more and more
emancipated every day"
"WHAr is the difference" asked the
teacher in arithmetic, "between one
yard and two yards?" GA fence" said
Tommy Beales Then Tommy sat OH
the ruler fourteen minutes.
EsTHETIo tramps who recognize the
eternal fitness of things, when engaged
ia passing the time g card. playing" dur
ing the balmy spring months, find moth
ing so much against the grain as playing
"spade." ,..-,..,. ,,os. i.....
I" He is a man after my own heart,
pa" said Julia. reverting to Charles
Augustus. Nonsense ?" replied Old
Practical. "He is man after the
money your uncle left you" And then
all was quiet. .,..r
A MEMBER Of church in Vermont de-
string ga man from the Lord" prayed
in this wise: "Send us not an old man
in his dotage, nor a young man in his
goslinhood; but man with all the mod
ern improvements"
LAST week professional man adj
dressed an artisan, who was waiting in
his hall, rather brusquely: "Hallo,
you fellow, do you want me?" The an
swer was neat: "No, yer homer, am
waiting for a gentleman"
LITTLE Harry asked his mother what
"blood relations" meant She ex-
planned that it signi6ed near relatives,
etc. After thinking moment he said
"Then, mother, you must be the blood
lest relation we've got !"
A Sr. LOUIS boy wrote the following
composition: "Girls are the only folks
that has their own way every time, and
don't you forget it. This is all L know
about girls, and father says the less /
know about them the better off am.
A YOUNG lady of neighboring TOWN.
awOke from terrible dream one night
last week. She had dreamed that q
young man with soft beard was press
ing his face against hers. When she
awoke she found it was only a cat. Then
wasn't she mad?
JUSTICE AND COLT.
"Thrce is he armed that hath his quarrel just,
| All, shakespeare, that might do
For those good knights who now are dust,
| Those swords rusted through,
| But we who live q keener life
Thy triple armor bolt ;
| And for defense, as well as strife
Are six times armed by Colt
THE advancing light of science is rap
idly clearing up the dark mysteries that
have so long dwarfed reason and clogged
the mind with perplexing doubts. AS
soon as the savants came face to face
with the startling fact that the bones OF
the female contain a much larger per-
centage of phosphorus than can be
found in the frame work of the male the
world no longer scratched its head and
marveled that all women should be nat
ural match. makers. = Cincinnati Break
fast Table.
| IT, crstono of kissing the Pope's toe