The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-03-05

boots and overcoat, cussing Tice and hop.
ping stiff-leseed for dry place.
Its orful.
Well yank few lines into verse on this
solemn but not dry subject:
would not live Away,
I don't care to stay.
Where rain after rain
Pours down every day.
I would not live Away,
(The Lord knows Who would.)
To swim round like fishes
In hunting dry wood.
1 would not live Away,
Mono more in mine;
I'll hunt some dry desert
And bask in sunshine.
You bet your sweet life. We feel like
that ancient mariner Who was wrecked:
i've been wrecked got chilled through
gimme some bran'y," said . dilspidated
looking individual, as he sailed up to bal
at = Chestnut street drinkery yesterday
"I'm survivor; feelin' purity rough, but
guess I'll git over IT."
.Wrecked I" said half dozen youns
bloods standing around, in ams.ement.
"I've bin wrecked" said. "Ah, that's
good; Gil her up again. It's hard to break
the chill"
One youth, more venturesome than the
rest here essayed to touch the hem Of the
survivors garment, and just at that mo-
ment forty cents worth more of brandy dis
appeared. snow charge that to Tom Col
lin" added the wrecker.
mo, yer don't" said the barkeeper, emo
Tom Collins business for me. I've hunted
for that TELLER afore. II you were wrecked,
why, We don't mind film you up free, but
We amt 40 green here a. to charge drinks TO
Tom Collins. That mans gone West"
"Tell Us about the wreck" jnterposed
one Of the bloods, give the man something
more to drink, or his teeth will drop out
with chattering."
Another drink, three fingers high, rolled
peacefully down his throat.
ave bin wrecked" said the survivor.
"You see. We wuz cumin down the Schuyl-
kill canawl on the Lively Jane; the csp'n
he sung out, Low bridge The boys all
duckesl but me. l vas standin abaft the
shaft, nor BY nor'east Of the chicken coop,
when the cooks galley vas struck BY that
n bridge, and afore could say
Just then the bartender handed the fellow
out Of the door BY the top of his collar and
the sit-down place of his pantaloons. He
sailed gracefully through the air and landed
on Z snow pile IN the middle Of the street,
and ~ his nose plowed up the beautiful
snow there was splutter and . Mumbling.
the gentle sephyn, ave bin wrecked"
Fellow-christians, this Is the FIRST Sunday
in the month, and Is the BAzoo Ia . re-
ligious journal, it never fails to give good
advice. This is the day when the contri.
button box is handed around, and let every
mothers son of you 20 down into your
breeches and put something into it for the
benefit Of the minister, who works six DAYS
Z week, and hasn't much time left on the
Be liberal. God loves cheerful
giver-so do We. "Thems" the kind We
like-those cheerful 6ve-dollar fellows.
We hope for the good name Of your church
and the bowels of your panon, you won't
be like that congregation We once heard Of,
"a follows:
In calm and ,rustfnl confidence the missionary
sat,
While the energetic sexton vas a-pa.sing round
the hat
The services we're over. and nos had:come the
pause
To give an opportunity to help along the cause;
But va,nly went the sexton. lettering up and down
In all that congregation no one recognized the
tile
The mis.,onary's hat returned a. empty as j,
He'd been preaching. TO an audience that wouIdn,
Der the parsons face there fitted disappointed
As from the solemn sexton his empty hat he
took;
Then smiling on the audience. he returned to the
rack,
With the words. ..rm very thankful that I've got
my beaver back"
We love to dwell on ministers, not in .
literal sense-oh, no; we'd rather board At
, hotel, where there was more meat than
grace. and where dernation parties never
came, or tramping brethren never staked
down Cor . month, on the strength Of the
Lords name or their own cheek. There lat
Ier evils, however, minister must put up
must cast bread on the waters, You
know, and some day il will return. We've
noticed that these cast away crumbs, how
sver, always got shipvrecked on their way
home, or, striking on the rock Of ingratiiude,
vent down forever. But talking about
here's old Brother Gardner:
"What I wish to remark" began Brother
in . very solemn voice, was 70 de /!
.t-book in dis hall l"
Il hez! came from about thirty throats
It once.
'Gem'len, IL 'ceedinsly sorry fer you, |
.ase de winter am only bout half done an
CUP bores hev an upward tendency, bot ] |
lasen't found eny los pocket book, tall
takes deep inires in de study q human
,atur' an I was simply bringin' out one O
le phrases Of warehouses;. Not q
nan o you hez los his wallet, an il he had
|e fun's in il wouldn't buy bunch q NEE.
lie, but de crowd spoke right up to once
'hen dar seemed . chance 70 rake in heap
cash dat didn't belong to you. Gem'len,
Ct this be . great immoral Lesson 70 you.
AXE varnin' from this embarfaasin' situa.
ion, an don't grasp after mo- than you kin
andle. De woruld An divided Of inter de
oor, de middle claS an de people 20 rich
At they kin walk down an order ten pounds
shugar vidout blush. Ifyou. b'ioag to
e poor, stay dar. Don't sit In your shan.
es. de wind freesin' de stove less an de las
nch Of jonny-cake gwine down some froat,
n wish dat you owned de city hall an he'd
gardner vid . dimun ring in his nose
|at's avorichousnen an AMY boat, an de
hanoes am dat de longer you sit, an de
arder you wish de lee pervishum you'll
ev for breakfast II you il roliia' white
ash cart along Do brood sterile avenev,
- N omnerbus eaatef; pas' you doan'
ish you owned dat omDerb1a besatis6de
id ovnin' de cart, an Be glad dat you
ev'nt chattel mortgage On is dravin' sam.
y annual intrea. Ef you see man sail.
: along The sPayshus an fertile sidevslk
ID big zeal ring On his 6ngen, . gold
add cane biz watch chain. snP n kank