The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-04-25
Wit and HumOr.

heard on the hill" any more2 Because he
carries it in pocket-tlask now.
A CORRESPONDENT asks whether we be-
licve that women should vote? Well, yes,
when parasos are stolen as freely as UNI
brcllas.
AN old maid in the West End lost a
favoritc cat by death, and she had the
skin stuffed for II pillow--a new variety
of cater pillar.
Your whiskers are Earning gray, Lean
DER observed Mrs. Spilkins the other
morning. "Why don't you shave them
OFF, I'D dye first" replied Spilkins.
81 DIDN'T know" said an old lady, as
she laid down her newspaper, "lhat
thieves were so scarce they had to adver-
tise for EN- and offer reward for their
discovery"
SAID Il friend to bookseller, "1he
booktrade is affected, suppose, 10y the
general depression. What kind of books
feel it mostf' "Pockct-books,' was the
lacOnic reply.
A Boston writer in aluding to the
musical taste of the Hub, says; "Our
ears have been cultivated until they over
shadow our other organs" Same way out
at Milwaukee.
AN Iowa schoolmstress has been dis
charged because, for the amusement of
of the children during recess, she stood
on her head. One of the trustees CHANGED
to see the feat
MARY CLEMMER AMEs says Isabella
Beecher Rockers voice rings with an
emotional timbre." Aha! Nothing
shingler about that. Comes from the
roof of her mouth, probably.
ONE evening little girl whose mince
pie had been badly nibbled by mice,
heard mouse squealing in the wall, and
said "Ah! mousey, you eat too much
mince pie before you went to bed!
EYER go'n spend every cent what |
bring yer home for striped stockins', an
ther ain t nuthin to eat in ther house" is
what drunken man was telling bar
ber's pole when a policeman arrested
him.
AN Irish servant girl recently boosted
to lady that at her old place she always
rose at four, made the fire, put on the
kettle, prepared breakfast and made all
the beds in the house before any one was
up in the house.
81 TELL you, sir" said a dogmatic NOR
alist, shat the time is surely coming when
stealing will be thing of the past
GLOW sol" asked bystander. because
there will be nothing left to steal an
swered the dogmatic moralist.
A WOMAN said to her husband, who
was QuerulOus man and an unprosper-
Gus physician; 81 wish you had some of
the patience of job" to which he re-
sponded: II wish had, with all my
heart, or the patients of anybody else
A "PARvENu' has a son twelve years
old. The child,who has been well brought
up, is in the habit of speaking to the old
family valet with a certain degree of re
spect. One day his father takes the boy
aside and says to him: George, you are
now large enough to be a little less polite
to the servants.
\ BARBER, who was measuring a law
yer for wig,exclaimed "Why,how long
your head is" YES" said the legal
gentleman, much pleased 1--WE lawyers
must have long heads \ moment later
the barber exclaimed why, your heads
as thick as it is longr' The lawyer didn't
respond that time.
The simplicity of rural courtship
was never better illustrated than by the
following anecdote: "I'm gaun to he
marrit, Peggy" said hind to a servant
lass whom he had been in the habit of
visiting. "Ay, are ye? And to whom,
gin ] may be allowed to speir2" 40
yersel', Peggy "Are yel' said Peggy;
Il wish had kennd sooner"
"MY dear child" said an old lady to
her niece, I'm afraid you made mistake
in choosing George for your husband.
He's the most singular man | ever saw"
ado you mean, aunt, that he is not at all
like other men2" "Yes, my dear, that's
lust what | mean" Every we'll, aunt
but my opinion is that the less he is like
other men, the better husband he'll
make
A WAC had kept up continual fire of
wtticisms at a social party, when puri
tanical gentleman, who enjoyed sermons
and snuff better than jokes and puns,
sharply observed, "lf you keep on you
will make every decent person leave the
house" THAT would be a sorry JOKE
was the dry reply, "for you would GER
taiuy be very lonesome when left here
alone
A YOUNG widow whose aged husband
had died, becomingly appeared two
months afterwards at the Paris Marie TO
announce her forthcoming marriage Ia
her cousr. pardon me, madam, observed
II 1 q. ,rf1. t,.,