The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1878-02-12

FANTAsrIC FREAKS OF FIGURES.
Figures won't lie" says the poet
whose name has slipped our memory.
Perhaps not; but sometimes they make
most remarkable statements and stand
up TO their work in such q shaky man.
ner that our confidence in their veraci-
ty is greatly shaken.
A good table wrestler
will pile up column after column OF
figures TO prove that the defeat OF his
political candidate this year by $4,000
msjority against 5000 last year is a
gain for his side Of 1000 votes.
II such curious ciphering doesn't
create strong suspicion that figures
lie like the annual statement OF New
York life insurance company, il at
least leaves an impression that they
are weak in the limbs-and often cut =
pretty figure, fguratively speaking.
The man who has the multiplication
table at his fingers ends, and can foot
up a column OF figures six inches high
and two broad as quick as you could
pronounce half OF the name OF a Rus
sian General, is a serpent in the social
circle-a sort OF boa, or bore, orwell,
he's an adder, anyhow. he is as great
nuisance as the indefatigable bore who
propounds such queries as this: Sup
pose your mothers daughter married
your grandfather's nephew on your un-
cle's side, what relation would their
children be to your sunts step-moth-
er?"-or somehow that way. You pro-
badly have met such heroes.
The multiplication-tsble man, at the
risk OF his life, will tell you that 9 mul.
tiplied 3S7, ,420, 4S9 times by itself
would require 800. .693, 100 ciphers, and
to count il, working ten hours, would
take Is years and $50 days. And then
you heave q sigh a mile long and wish
with all your might that he would g
of somewhere by him himself and
work out the problem. II to perform
this arithr etical task required only
FIVE years aud no days we don't sup
pose one OF the adder's hearers would
go TO work at the job.
The inventor of the game OF chess
was bade by the King Of India to name
his own reward, upon which he asked
TO receive the number OF grains OF
wheat that would be produced il one
grain were paid him for the first square
of the chess, two for the second, four
for the third, eight for fourth, and so
on doubled up for every square OF the
sixty-four. When these amounts were
added the sum was found to be Is, 446,-
744, ,073, 700, ,551 ,6l5 Of grains-"enough
TO cover all the continents of the earth
with layer one-third OF an inch in
thickness"
The name OF the party who counted
the grains is not given, but il is highly
probable that he stopped counting at
the expiration of ninety-seventh year,
and, wearily exclaiming. "'Tis wheat
to be remembered, guessed at the
number remaining. History doesn't
say so, out it must have gone against
the grain OF the King to fulfill his pro-
mise. The whole story, however,
sounds like q campaign lie, invented !
by the enemy for some sinister pur-
pose.
Light, according to Prof. Somebody, |
travels l92, 900 million miles a second. !
This is much faster than the defaulting |
President Of Savings Bank travels. |
de prefers darkness when he goes, and |
travels at the rate OF about thirty miles |
an hour, but regrets that he can't make |
as good time as light.
Another figure twister says IL one |
cent we're set ont at compound interest |
in the year ] at per cent, the 1st OF |
January, 1866, il would amount to |
quintillion 201 .458 quadrillions 332 |
trillions of millions.
A cent is very small sum, and we /
all might set out that amount at COM
pound interest for the benefit Of our |
posterity eighteen hundred and sixty |
years hence. But some persons per-
.istently refuse to do anything for
simply because posterity has
never done anything for them
The same authority further declares
Il we paid the Tax Collector the
amount above mentioned in silver he
would need 1908, 445, 900, 900, 600, ,000,-
O60 wagons for its transportation.
When you owe that much taxes,
therefore, you had better pay the col
lector in greenbacks or checks, for
to quote the Professor aforesald-"a
robbery could be committed on the
hlndmost wagon which would not be
till the "A, 7S0th generation
Of the tax collectors.
Hence the tax cleaner, to save his
reputation and money, and prevent be-
ing removed TO make room for q man
to the opposite political par
ty, would be compelled to employ
force larger than the United States
army before il was cut dowf to 10000
men to please Mr.. Dana Of the New
York Sun, to travel along with the wa
gon train 10 pl o.eet it from the depre-
dations Of road agents-especially il he
ras going in the direction OF the Black
Hills.
This sum of money, we are also in
formed, distributed among the people
Of the earth, would give each of its
| 900. 900. 600 of inhabitasts about /, 200
trillions OF dollars, and he or she could
every second use 1900, 900 for 80. .096,-
900 years without reaching the bottom
Of his or her purse!
But who wants to spend that much
money in that many years? Better
give some of il TO the poor-though,
by the way, come to think Of it, there
would be no poor to receive it. Such
A distribution, moreover, would not
make things as pleasant for Us as at
first sight appears. II everybody had
an endless purse for 3S, ,096, 900 years,
could be induced TO DO any
work, We should be obliged to make
our own shirts, and trousers, and
things. The only alternative would be
to 90 without clothes and join the
lydia Thompson ballet troupe.
Let MS remark, parenthetically, that
while writing of these colossal sums Of |
money we become totally oblivious 10
the hard, sad fact that our own salary
is under s2s, 600 a year.
Twenty.four letters Of the alphabet
can te changed go, AS, 733, 239, 49,
360, 900 OF times, all OF which changes
ceuld not be written by the populatiop i