The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1878-01-12
HUMOROUS.

HOWS your husband this evening,
Mrs. QuaggsT "No improvement
doctor, one way or the other"
THE closing days of Indian summer,
The squaw-ly times are here,
Voted by the homeless hummer
The saddest of the year Graphic.
VERY few brass bands in a military
parade can play as many airs as the
drum major puts on.
WE notice a remark in an exchange
about handling colts. A good way to
learn how to handle Colts is to 60 out to
Deadwood and stop a while.
THE New York physicians are out in
pronunciamento against high heels.
They are bad things, especially on a bay
mule.-Burlington Haackeye.
A GENTLEMAN, reprimanding his little
son, was surprised to hear the youngster
observe: Father, remarks are unneces-
sary."
WEARY person on evening visit: Jaw,
IN just out of sick bed" Terrible boy:
"Say, Mr.. johnson, what ails yer bed?"
|-Philadelphia Bulletin.
"HAvE you suit of slothes here to
fit large body of water?" No, but
we can lend yoa a needle and thread
the pant of a tired dog"
WHAT is the difference between per-
son going to Plymouth Church and one
about to ask a lady favor. One is going
to see Beecher and the other is going to
beseech her.
NINE men out of ten, when YOU run
against them in the dark, vii, say
"HelloW The other one will utter the
first syllable and leave you to complete
the word.
WHRN an Indiana night editor gets
hold of three small fires he puts up a
head on them in this wise: Fiery
Terrors The Red Glare of Destruction
All Over the Land!"
HOPE is best exemplifed by the man
who, reading by the dim light of a
crowded street car, waits with sweet
resignation for the man standing at the
end to get his elbow out of the light.
"SILK stockings, with lace medallions
covering the instep, are thirty dollars a
pair" remarks fashion note And yet
people wonder why 50 many editors re-
main single.
YOUNG man, beauty fades as the years
go by. Do not fall in love with woman
simply because she has a pretty face.
Remember that wealthy father-in-law-
is better than the rosest damsel in seven
states.
TOMMY, a conscientious boy, has been
! told that he must remain perfectly still
as his mamma wants to take a nap
Tommy Gin the middle of the nap):
Mamma! Mamma! What shall | do? /
want to cough
IF there is anything that excites my
utterer etferescense, it is to be aroused
from sleep by the ice Dream vindicator
communicating the streets at night
with his incarnabell," said Mrs Parting
ton, as we sat at her front stoop playing
checkers.
A WARNING to practical teachers.
Rector" Only five cents for morning
collection! How is that?" Warden
Well, you said in your sermon that Civ
ing money to the church that was got
through business frauds did not palliate
the sin; so I suppose the congregation
considered you were personal, and they
got offended and didn't give anything"
SCENE lin horse carr: Enter deter
mined looking female, to whom a slender
gentleman offers a seat. / always like
to oblige the weaker SEX" affably said
the youth. Weaker sex, indeedI Any
more of yout impertinence, young man,
and you'll see whether | am weak or
not" Then assuming a defiant air she
gratefully dropped into the vacant seat.
l. YOUNG lady of the house to
languid swell: MAY l present you to
Miss Terrapyn, of Philadelphia" Ian
guild swell, with sigh: ooh, yes; trot
her out" 2. Young lady of the house:
May 1 present Mr.. Lotus?'' Miss
Terrapyn CATER regarding him for some
moments), quietly: eyes, trot him
backp Languid swell retires.-H Harvard
Ldnapoon.
A LITTLE Ottawa miss was taken to
church for the first time, after being
duly impressed with the necessity that
she should keep Gas still as a mouse"
She behaved herself until the preacher
became warmed up to his work, and then
thinking he was going too far, she raised
her finger. and looking straight at him,
cried. g See here, don't you make SO
much noise"
WOMAN graduates" says a Philadel-
phia paper, "are knocking at the doors
of the Massachusetts Medical Society,""
Bully for the Massachusetts, women.
Out in this country it is the poor hus-
band who has to get up and dust at mid
nights holy hour and pound bedlam out
of the doctors door after he has pulled
the bell knob out by the roots.-Bmkng-
ton Haaokeye.
A JOKE is attributed in the foreign
papers to one of the rOyal family. little
Prince Albert John, son of the Princess
Helen and Prince Christian. He is de-
termined to be soldier, but his mother
told him one day that when he became
soldier he would have to leave his nurse,
whom he loves so much. 40, no, ma, |
often see soldiers walking about with
nurses" said the prince.
"SU-s-A-Np' he howled this morning,
as soon as hisnose struck the atmosphere,
where's my last years overcoatw
"Why, did you want it." "Of course
I want it," Well I'm very sorry, but
there was man came along here just
after the Fourth of July, and he had"
"In the name of all that's idiotic,
madam, what comfort do you 'spose a
man can get of pair of glass pickle
dishes and goggle-eyed, bandy-legged,
blue-tailed plaster-dog, when the Their
mometer is down below the swearing
point?'
A GENTLEMAN was riding on an out
side car in Dublin and got into CONVEX
sation with the driver. How is il"
said the former, "that those Fenians
, will do nothing? Do they mean to