The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-05-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
! VEIL of Tears-Crape.
A DEAD Set-The Coroner's jury.
DROPPING privateer-Weeping in
secret.
The rabbit is imid, but no cook can
make it quail.
The man who cuts across lots is sort
of cross-patch.
RAILROAD depose-Turning out the
Superintendent.
THE scales of justice are for the weigh
of the transgressor.
A GOOD school-book, like dress-shirt
bosom, should be well studded.
| The American rifle team can tell you
what's in an aim, if Shakespeare
cannot.
A TRANSACTION that scots everybody
Taking down the parlor stove for the
season.
YOU'VE poets find it hard to win fame
nowadays. There are so few anonymous
poems to claim.
A MAN is obliged to die before his will
amounts to anything, but that of woman
is always in force.
A CORRESPONDENT wants to know what
Kilt skirts ought to be made of. Corse
material, we should say.
"DY1Ne in poverty" says modern
moralist, sis nothing-it is living in
poverty that comes hard on fellow"
| LETS see, is this the day for the cable
to declare 'War Inevitable9" or is it
the Peace-Assured day morris
tOaOK Herald.
PEOPLE who attempt to cut boarding
house pie-crust with a fork should re-
member that time thrown away can
never be recalled.
A FREIGHT car was recently broken
open on the Boston and Albany road and
a case of soap taken. Probably a case
of car-steal soap.
AN Eastern antiquarian has discovered
| that the reason
The boy stood on the burning deck
| was that there was brass band there
Breakfast Table.
THE BREAKFAST Table man says "there
are four quarters In everything but the
Fourth OF July" Will it tell us if
there are four quarters in hind quarters?
l-GrGph6c.
The Cincinnati Enquirer's Essay ON
Man" is in one canto, as follows:
Mans a vapor,
Full Of woes,
Starts paper,
Up he goes.
PAUSE, vain and impatient youth.
| Squander not thine earnings for magic
elixirs wherewith to hurry up thy tardy
mustache. Esau might have saved his
birthright and avoided a world of
trouble had his face been as smooth as
thine.-Bre0kfGst Table.
A BOY in Sunday school proposed a
question to be answered the Sunday fol-
lowing: SHOW many letters does the
Bible contain? The answer was $780,
333. EThe Superintendent says to James,
Z" Is that right? ''No, sir" was the
prompt reply. CIVIL you please tell us
how many there are, then 2" "Twenty-
six, sir"
MUsTit not be exquisitely romantic to
be on your knees before one of Ewes
lovely daughters, heaving up torrent
OF delectable sentiments between her
glowing, parted lips, raising roses on
her cheek by the acre, bringing tears of
ecstasy to her eyes, and at the critical
moment, when she is on the point of
swooning blissfully away into your
arms, to hear her anxious mother crv:
-" You, Sal, hev you fed them ERE hogs?"
May
saw a child, once that had lost it's way
In great city ali, dear Heaven, such eyes
far-off look in them, as if the skies
Her birthplace we're. So looks to me the May.
April is wInsome; June is glad and gay;
May glides betwixt them in such wondering wise
Lovely as dropped from some tar Paradise,
And knowing, all the while herself astray.
Or is the fault with us +? Nay, call it not
A fault, but a sweet trouble. Is it We
Catching some glimpse of our own destiny
In Mays renewing toucn, some yearning thought
Of heaven, beneath her resurrecting hand
We who aliens, lost in strange land?
Caroline a. Mason, in June Scribner.
CHICAGO COMMERCIAL ADVERTISER.
eft was simply an informal affair.""
wrote the editor, of little strawberry
party at a neighbours house. at was
simply an Internal affair."" read the COM
positor, and that editor will never get
any more invitations from that quarter.
''This is meat and drink" said the
sailor, who sat on the gunwale slipping
MS grog- following his remark by tum-
bling back into the water. cay, and
here's washing and lodging" said his
nessmate.
MACBETH TO THE DAGGER.
IS this dagger which see before me,
The handle toward my ham?
)r is hotpoint toward my ham?
all a1SUQT 0rOa-
tell.
}ome, let me clutch thee-Oho, you won't?
Veil, then, I'll show ye who's runnin' tho she-hic
-shebsng!
have thee-hc-not; and yet have thee still
Hello, see two daggers or Pm goat
Art thou not, fatal -hic-toothpicks,
ensible to feeling, as to sight? No;
hat couldst not be-hic, else could
EEL thee double, as double do I-hic-see thee
traps thou art bat couple of daggers of the mind,
fnIun h Aoe,r