Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1878-09-12
LIE JUKE,s LAMENT.

Mt, SEPTEMBER LIZ, 1871
LIE JUKE,s LAMENT.
Ho,s the Cabbage Head of tho Admt,stssra-
ton Vas Ecltpsed.
Chicago Times.I
Sherman discovered Hayes, Hayes dis |
covered Rogers, Rogers discovered LIE Juke,
and LIE Juke discovered the great free-lunch |
route from the Potomac to the Red River of |
The North.
LIE Juke, though q man Of vegetables and
chief compost compounder for the United |
States of America, is not vegetable of a |
man. He is not 'sfor all the world like a |
forked radish, with a head Enthusiastically
carved upon it with a knife; )" but he is a
fellow of parts and discernment, who most
generously placed the benefit Of his chief
discovery at the disposal of his august SUI
perior, and has been viIlainously requited.
Long before lie luke dreamed of making
laws for the vegetable kingdom, he lived in
Minnesota, and with Rogers, erst little of
everything under the sun, and now secretary
in-chief to the discovery from Ohio, sowed
wheat mill and reaped a bounteous crop of
creditors. His success suggests his fitness
to superintend the seed department of the
United States, and when his quondam asso-
ciate was called to the White House to write
letters and lead in the hallooing of anthems
he gently limited that he knew bank where
the wild thyme grew, and he begged that he
might be permitted to pluck it for the agri-
cultural department. Duly transplanted to
the generous soil of Washington, LIE Juke's
Ero OF ;,,%< f,lI
were tickled with hoe, and they laughed
the agricultural advancement of the Union.
In every garden from Duluth's 10y mountains
to Galveston's golden strand the tea-plant was
to be made to flourish, and young America
was to raise its own young hyson. Nor was
this all. The olive and the fig were to be-
come as common as corn and potatoes. Cot
fee and the eggplant were to grow side by
side, that each agriculturist might have his
and from the stalk of the Indian corn was to
come the material wherewith to sweeten it.
LIE Juke studied the Colorado beetle that he
worm in the confident expectation that the
day was not far distant when he would be
the benefcent means, under Providence, of
enabling the mistress of every granger
household in the land to transmute her null
berry leaves into silk dresses of the latest
pattern.
LIE Juke flourished. Everything he touched
prospered. He planted and watered and
grated and gathered and was happy. He
was whole threshing ma chine in himself; a
combined reaper and mower; q thousand
farmers boys rolled into one could not CON-
pass his knowledge of the earth and the
fullness thereof. But there was one thing
he could not do, though he placed whole
gardens of seeds where he thought they
would do the most good. He could not en-
graft the agricultural sapling on a cabinet
stalk. It was his sole failure.
Thus LIE Juke wrestled with nature, care
less of the applause of men. But there
came time when the longing to revisit
Minnesota and the site of the old mill be-
came irresistible. The great men who an
nually muster in the neighborhood of St.
Paul and speculate on the fondness of the
granger to see little boss trot, and competi-
| tive examination of pumpkins and hogs, and
the varied and beautiful products of the
farm and the orchard, went to Washington
and begged LIE Juke to be their guest. His
greater mind instantly grasped broader
prospect. 81 will CO." he said, "but not
| alone. The President and no end of no.
tables shall accompany me. I will show the
President to the Northwest, and the North
| west to the President Visions of gate
money danced before the delighted fancy of
the showmen, as they promised LIE Juke that
if he would capture such paying attractions
! they would spare no expense.
Then it was that LIE Juke took down a
| map of the United States, ran his finger along
the great Northwestern banana belt and dis
covered to the President the great free lunch
! route from the Potomac to the land of the
Dakotas. He described it as a land flowing
| with milk and honey and federal oficehold-
ers and fremen's tournaments and generous
! bonifaces and mammoth State fairs
| Enough" cried his excellency 'let the
whole family be gathered, and let President
Garrett know that, if the directors car is not
in use, it, too, shall see the great Northwest
Murmuring softly, with Alexander Sci.
| kirk, 81 am monarch of all I survey-my
right there is none to dispute, lie Juke
| filed CARROTS car with the choicest exotics
from the botanical gardens of Washington
babe Rogers fond adieu, and started his
wonderful exhibit on the great free-lunch
route from the capital to the far-away fields
of the Northwest. He arrived in Chicago
but was instantly lost to sight, for Chicago
which cares not for figs or olives and takes
it's tea from China, knew him not. A Times
reporter dragged him into momentary no.
tice. but as soon as he dropped him he sank
back into obscurity. A battered hose-cart
attracted more attention than he. But il
would not be thus when he would strike out
for st. Paul. Then he would come to the
front as the pilot of the President. Alas
| though he thrust in his sickle he could not
| reap.
| Columbus discovered this continent, but il
is called after a later conner. LIE Juke plan
ned the great excursion, but it's execution
fell into other hands. The collector of the
port of Chicago swept into the coign o.
vantage coveted by the expanding commits
sioner of agriculture. He was thrust from
the very land he had pre-empted, and entered
Minnesota as little regarded as the dusty
torporosity OF the lieutenant governor OF
he Chicago E0enSng Journal. Not I'M
avenged he died, for it is currently reported
that the Chicago collector bears upon his
person, tguratively speaking, the scars of {
| terrible conflict.
We shall not accuse the President of in
gratitude. That sin is the peculiar property
of men who have mounted thrones, but il
does seem that, having pointed out the route
and planned the expedition, LIE Juke should
have had whatever glory belongs to the exc
cution of the movement. Now he sits under
w1thered tea tree and sighs-
o, how wretched
Is that poor that hangs on princes favors
There is betwixt that smile we would aspire to-
That sweet aspect of princes and their ruin,
More pangs and fears than wars women have
| And when he falls, he falls like Lucifer,
| Never to hope again.
PolIy mt the kettle on and piva Mr. TIE