The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1878-07-14
Mr. HlrEs's SAP ComPLlINE
a Very steep Job Tint Minister Noyes Conn
pincentiy Proposed for Him.


boeeny he proceeded to peel banana.
seeminely unmlndful Of the admiring
chances cast Mt him across the table by Minister
Moves and Postmaster General Key. Il have
done nv best 70 please everybody, aud yet they
cal mo Fraudl and the gentleman from Ohio.
having completed the pccllng process. quietly
attacked the end of his banana.
There is no such feeling in the South" OK
claimed Postmaster General Key his mouth
full of pineapple. In that section of our coun-
try YOU are regarded rs \ second Washington
You are sih pom my word. sab and lifting a
second slice Of the luscious fruit between his
thumb and forcnnger. Mr.. Key gazed at IL with
rapture.
same thing in France" said Minister Noyes
"You are held in the highest estimation over
Morc everybody has your picture aud Mac
Mahon has privately assured me that he looks
upon you in the light Of a fr-fr- fricni-of a
very great friend" And terrified at the mis-
lake upon whose verge he had been lettering.
Minister Noyos swallowed glass Of icc-wator
Mt one gup and cleared his throat with en-
rhass.
"Id1nt claim to be Ne big n man ~ George
Washington" INTERCEPTED Mr. Hayes ne he
finished the last Of his banana. but. in
ny umblo way. strive to do the best can;
nni | must say that | object to be- called a
Fraud rolly do" and as h. announced this
idosyncrasy the Ex-Governor OF Ohio coilarcd
fresh banana. and with dextcrous fingers
recommended the business Of denuding IT,
Think YOU are dcceived-in fact nm sure
Of o. CIRCULATED Minister Noyc-. as. with half.
ihut eyes. he drcamily contemplated the smoke
wrcaths Of the nfty-ccnt Havana, SO thought.
fully provided by his weil-laid host Of the
White House In the whole course oi my lie
n ALL g..
lany not out loul."
Nor l." aided Posimasicr.Genoral Key
warmly. as he helped himself to the last piece
Of pineapple. " II had I'll have" here Mr.
Kcy snapped so viciously NJ the slice Of fruit
which he held dangling in front of his Jaws rs
to hct1hen the worst results O. the misguided
being who might venture 70 az arse the spOtsss
title Of his chief.
Thank YOU. Key. thank YOU" eN 'lamol the
dc iactO Principal of the Government know
you'd do Just what you say" and no conten.
plated the pineapple performance Of the stall
wart Tcnncsseean with admiration And
am also grateful to You. N3yc~ for your kind
assurance hut you are wrong. tell you. my
dear friends, there Is not a day passes but / am
called hard uames-very hard Names
You mean the daily papers. suppose. -ug-
gested Minister Noyes after an awkward
silence.
Il do returned Mr.. Hayes sadly Il do."
and with the air Of martyr he nirpod of the
end Of third banana.
Well" said Noyes. they're all frauls-no.
body reads en-"
Not worth shueks. wouldn't be found dead
with one about me- vo.fera,cd T ,tmaster.
General Key rs. having finished ali tie
pines. he wiped his jowis. elevated his feet
upon an adjacent chair. and following tho AK
ample Of his neighbor Noyes, lit one Of Up.
Uanns Imperiales
You are wrong again. gentlemen. said the
host. tmidly. &" read EN-. know shouldn't
10 continued apologize alb. AMI Mrs. II tolls
me 80 all the timo. but somehow | amt refrain
You see. If didn't find out myself what they
say. somebody would come and tell me-so
what's the dilcrcnce'"
You are following a very dangerous course"
eaid Mr., Noyos. reprovngly. very dangerous.
indeed; and am much panied 70 hear Of IT,"
At this Mr.. Hayes looked rather foolish. AMI.
In a vain attempt tn hide his humiliation buried
his head in his banana.
You zee" said the Minister following
Up his advantage. If It was once known
throughout the country that you woro in the
habit OF reading these r.bald publications. il
would exert irightful and. in fact. may say
demorazing influence upon the party. In.
Rev"
No doubt about it," responded the intellect.
ual giant from the envrons II Knoxville as he
steadastly contemplated the ceiling and blew a
cloud OF smoke through his oaparious nostrils
and II It's kop up" he aided ponderously.
" can't answer for the consequence
Mr. Key felt insiantaneously that such posi-.
tive expression Of opinion on his part was ven
turcsome. and accordingly it was with feelings
OF no ordinary anxiety that he contemplated tho
eountenancc Of his Fraudulent Chief out Of tho
northeast corner Of his cX- Confederate eye
The face OF Mr.. HAYES however. TO his great
relief betrayed 70 sign o! irritation as he said
neokly: know my conduct in reading such |
stun is reprchonsible. but I'm afraid / can't |
help it. The fascination Of trying 70 find out |
what said about ono is too great To resist"
| don't keor Continental cuss what they |
say about me- observed Mr.. Key, calmly. As |
long a. my conscience supports me. I'm o. H." |
Aud a. lie gave utterance to this compliment |
s"niimentthc hand Of the eminent Tennesse4an
ftrayed absonty into the cigar box. aud cap
turing sleek and long Havana, dropped it
car .'e--ly down hi- sleeve
Mycons ,ienee does support me- and that the
reason protest against such Outrageous treat.
meut.' reclaimed Mr.. Hayes. with more We.
hemen'e than he he'd yet exhibited. appeal
10 YOU. Noyc- haven't / been true 10 tie Re-
rutlican pnryf'
A. true asscvernied Minister Noycs with
Volcanic yehemonce. lust as truc-well. as true
Is l'ye hacn myself"
And haven't treated the Democrats right"
hA'ned Nh Hayes, turning appealiugly to his
'rasier-GencraL
burned sight better than thoy deserve"
1851 nlod that worthy emphatioally. as his
h"Nd again wandered neryously in the drec-
non ~ 'Dc eigar box.
Ana ye'." said Mr.. lTavss dcprecatingly.
h'iA pario, abuse me ia a manner which is
lDs0'ui"lY -'andnlou-"
Ih"y do replied Tho Tennessee statesman.
'ley do. There's 40 doubt abuut that his
marry hand sim nUterln. in the neighborhood
81 the c.gul box.
And moro 'hau that" added tho Supreme de
aoo Fraud, don't attend an sorts Of fair,
e9liyals' and gatherings simply to please the
people 2"
So I've heard said Minister Noyes with an
Excellent assumption ~ interest
Didn't 30 down ~ Wyoming tho other
lay continued the dc iurc X-Go,e4nor. 60 and
81 n,ultcd Tor nay pains
- dd sherman ohpI"l ia Minister
NONtE. Teinsmlorin nj t,te,.rv a..