The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-06-08
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
They have little girl in Philadelphia who
pIacarls herself: 81 blind, and the
tIther Of five childreh.'' She wears it when
the old man is sick or out at his country
place.
\ certain little damsel, having been aggra-
waited beyond endurance by her brother. pumped
down on her knees and cried, so, Lord!
bless my brother Tom. He lies, ne steals, he
swears all boys do; US girls don't Amen"
Mr.. Beecher says that Mrs TiIton's late con-
fession reminds him of a story of negro waiter
who was asked by guest if it was the second
bell for breakfast that had rung. No, sah."
said the waiter, it's not de second bell it's
de second ringing Of de fust bell"
1t is with some peoples baptism as it was
with the small boys vaccination. He mistook
the word, but his meaning was clear. On being
asked if he had ever been baptized, he replied
E. Yes, the doctor came and baptized me five
six times, but it never took
\ correspondent of Harper's Magazinge sends
to - the Drawer copy of an order received
by 4 BrOome county dentist, which says
My mouth is three inches acrost. fye-eight
inches threw the jaw, Sum humonky on the
edge shaped like hoss-shew, toe forrard. If
If you want me TO be more pertikler, L shall
have to come thar
An old rough clergyman took for his
text that passage of the Psalms, 50 l said in my
haste, all men are lars Looking apparently,
rs If he saw the PsaImist standing, before him,
he said, :. You said 1t in your haste, David!
r IF you had been here, you might have said it
lfter mature deIiberation.'
Over ten years ago Il man marked Il fifty cent
piece with his initials, and started it on it's
travels, having scarcely any expectation of ever
seeing it again; and certainly the chances
4 l.
1t may be Judged, then, that he has not been
at all surprised at never having set eyes on the
coin since.
Opera airs in church are out fplace. g That's
the organ SAID the mother to her little child,
who was at church for the first time. s'The
organ? But where is the monkey, mother?''
asked the child. Then, when the latest air from
the latest opera rolled through the building, the
mother whispered as she looked at the organist
- can see him, dear, but you can't
If cat doth meet a cat upon garden wall.
and if a cat doth greet cat. o need they both
to squall? Every Tommy has his TabbY wait
ing the wall, and yet ne welcomes her ap-
prOach with yawl. And if Il kitten wish to
court upon the garden wall, why don't he sit
and sweetly smile, and not stand up and bawl
lift his precious back up high. and show his
teeth and moan, as if 'twere collie more than
love that made the fellow grOan?
.. This mule remarked the livery stable
unIn, they passed the stall where the animal
was leaning up against the partition. dreaming
81 an Eden wherein there was but one mule
and thousand timd men, this mule is a
kicker" g This one?' innocently inquired
the young man, laying his hand upon the mules
hustle to be sure that the proper animal was
indicated. '' This" The liveryman SAID
he didn mind the loss of the money (as the
young man did not take out the fancy rig he
was going to look at), but what he hated about
8 Cs.ETt 10 EnlNI
so where the young man went through.
An old soldier. relating his experience at
temperance meeting in Iowa, said that at one
time he get possession Of two kegs of whisky
took theE2 to camp, put faucet in one of them
and passed the whisky around among the bows
until they all got pretty full. About the time
the keg was empty, he said, for moment his
con Science told him he was doing wrong He
nicke mp an AK and knocked the head of the
other leg in, and (bere he Interrupted by
the dea cons starting the cry of - Amen''
:. Thank Goi," - Glory be to God!'') After
the house became quiet he continued: 50
knocked in the head of that keg, gave the boys
, tin Gun. and told them to help themselves =
II was a case Of premature enthusiasm, and
the wicked scofars in the audience had their turn
to shout.
The natural history on boyhood is Il very inter-
estinO study 1t is hard for the old folks to look
at things from his standpoint. because their mem
ories are short. However, he will grow old soon
enough, and the era of mud pies and marbles will
fade only quickly
Only 4 boy, with his noise and fun,
The yeriest my ystery under the sun;
As brimfuI Of mischief and wit and gee
As a human frame can be,
And as hard to manage as-Ah! All, me
lis hard TO tell,
Yet love him well.
OnIy boy, who will be a man
Ifnature goes with her first great plan
water, fire or fatal
Conspire not TO rob Us of this our heir,
Our blessing trouble rest care,
Our torment, joy,
Only boy"
The following lines, though deficient in spell
ing are quite correct as an expression of the
general sentiment:
l would dye in aurtumn,
With peaches fit for eating.
wavy kOrn is getting ripe
u candidates
PhOr these and other
I'D dye in the phall;
&. sense I've thought il over,
wud not dye at all
A-man 1Sl1o had announced his first attack o
rheumatism learned in One-half hour that the
following would cure it Iodide of potassium
qninine, gIzuber Salts oniOns, raw lemons, raw
silk, oil silk, gin and tansey, rock candy anC
whisky, Turkish baths, a potato carried in hii
pocket. a horse chestnut carried in his pocket
an eel skin around his leg. suit of red flannel
chloroform liniment, hot lemonade, a trip South
dry atmosphere, equable temperature, sulphur
blths ,nustar6 and hot water camnhOF liniment