Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1878-11-29
DrOll Hlmnders.

DroII BIunders.
BY the insertion of one letter in place of an
other, a newspaper, not long since, reporting
tho danger that an express train had run in
consequence of a COW getting upon the line,
said, "As the safest way the engineer put on
full steam, dashed up against the COW, and
literally cut il into cdlcesi
Never perhaps. was the word 'austere'
more misconstructed than in the instance of
a clergyman in Lancashire who got a whole
! some warming in regard to pulpit articulation
| by discovering in one house which he visited,
! the day after preaching from Luke, xix. p,
that the servant had gone home with the i'm
preston that his text had been: 81 feared
! thee, because thou art an oyster mani"
! A Hampshire incumbent recently reported
| in the Pail Mall Gazette some of the blunders
he had heard made in the marriage service by
that class of persons who have to pick up the
| words as best they can from hearing them re-
| peated by others He said that in his own par
! ish il was quite the fashion for the man, when
! giving the ring. to say TO the woman, with
my body thee wash up, and with all my
! hurdle goods thee and thou" He said the
women were generally better up in this part
| Of the service than the men. One day, how
ever, n bride startled him by promising in
what she supposed to be the language of the
| Pravcr-book to take Ler husband. "to ave
and 10 old from this day fortni't for betterer
| horse, for richer power, in siggerness health,
| to love cherries, and to bay What mean
| ing this extraordinary vow conveyed to her
own mind the incumbent said it baflied him
to conjecture.
Tho stories told of the blunders made by
Oxford and Cambridge under graduates in
the Scripture examination are almost incrcdi-
BILE One of these, when asked who was the
| first King of Israel was SO fortunate as to
| stumble upon the name Of saul" lie saw
that he had hit the mark and wishing to show
the examiners how intimate his knowledge of
the Scriptures was, added, confdentially,
saul, also called Paul" Another was asked
to give the parable of the good Samaritan.
He did so with tolerable accuracy till he came
to the place where the Samaritan says to the
inn-keeper. when l come again l will re-
pay thee" Here the unlucky examinee add
ed: This he said, knowing that he should
see his face no more"
| BY the bad arrangement Of clauses in COM
position ludicrous blunders are sometimes
made. 4 Wisconsin paper announced that
the Board of Education had resolved to
erect building large enough to accommo-
date five hundred students three stories high"
In an English paper an advertisement appear
ed, under the heading of ITO Let" of IA
house for family in good repair" Punch
noted this, and conjectured that "a family in
good repair must mean one in which none
Of the members were cracked The brooch
cs would have been sent before. but have
been unwell." was a note of apology sent to
Dean Afford by his ieweler aud 1.-Two sis
ters want washing" was an advertisement
which appeared in the Manchester Guardian.
An amusing style of blunder is the "bull, "
for which the Irish get most credit. 1t was
an Irish editor that exclaimed, when speaking
of the wrongs of his country, Her cup of
/ misery has been over-howing, and is not yet
FULL" 1t was an Irish newspaper that said Of
Robespierre that ''he left no children behind
him. except brother. who WIS killed at the
same time" Irish also was the cOrnet who,
: when writing home from India praisiug the
! much-abused climate rs really one of the
best under the sun, added: But lot Of
? young fellows come out here and they drink
! and they eat, and they eat and they drink,
+ and they die; and then they write home tc
their friends, saying it was the climate that
did it,"
Though not so numerous as those of the
: Emerald Isle Scotland is not without it,
| specimens of this kind of blunder. Two op
? eratives in one of the border towns wert
heard ylisputing about new cemetery besid,
, the elegant railing of which they were stand
e ing. One of them, evidently dislking tn,
, Continental fashion in which it was being
t laid ont, said in disgust; I'D rather dee thar
be buried in sic a place" ''Weel, it's the
e vera reverse wi me- said the other; " TO
: I'll be buried naewhere else, if I'm spared"
j A clergyman walking one day in the coun
try fell into thought. He was so accustomed
to ride that when he found himself at q tol
he stopped and shouted TO the man, Here
q what's to pay?" PAY for what? ?" asked tn,
II man. For my horse" said the clergyman
n "What horse? There's no horse, Sir !!
"Bless me-" exclaimed the clergyman, look
# ing down between his legs, Il thought wa
e on horseback
t Sydney Smith was not in general absent
1t minded, but he says that once, when callinI
It on friend in London, and being asked b.
:, the servant, "Who shall I say has called I?
he could not for the life of him recollect hi
own name, and stared in blank confusion a
n the man for some time before it came back T.
e him.
The first Lord Lyttleton was very absent
II It is declared of him that when he fell int
the river by the upsetting of boat at Hng
y ley, "FIe sank twice before he recolected tina
d he could swim"
Is Some blunders arise from misapprehension
A bishop of Oxford sent round to the church
Is wardens in his diocese a circular of inquiries
k including the question, docs your oficia
< ting clergyman preach the Gospel, and is hi
r, conversation and carriage consistent there
wth?" The church warden of Wallingfor
> ! IGpAlCu. IIb pl0uSLlCn VIC NOepNii bAb hoe
7 not keep a carriage"
r doctor who had one day allowed himsel
to drink too much was sent for to see fasl
p ionable lady who was ailing He sat dow
by the bedside, took out his watch and be
gan TO count her pulse as well as his obfuscat
le ed condition would permit He counted
rs Zone, two, three" Then he got confused
N and began again zone, two, three, four,
Still confused he began again Gone, two.
'u No; he could not do it. Thoroughly asian
le ed of himself, he shut up his watch, muttel
Il ing, "Tipsy, l declare-tpsy Staggerin
to his feet, he told the lady TO keep her bee
and take some hot lemonade to throw her int
~ a perspiration, and he would see her nel
!, day. In the morning he received the follow
d, ing note from the lady, marked ''Private;'
~ DEAR DocToR, were right. dai
~ not deny it, But am thoroughly ashame
sd of myself and will be more careful for Il
future Please accept the inelosed fee fC
r. your visit" Ga en-pound note,) "and do NJ
If / entreat of you, breathe word about Il
no state in which you found me-"
90 The lady, in fact had herself been drinkir
de too much, and catching the doctors murmu
ed words, thought they referred to her. i
of was too far gone to see what was the matt
as with his patient, and, she too far TO obser'
the doctor was in the same condition!
ed | -------
he Three stones eonsecutively placed ov
er the grave of Thomas jefferson, have been d
] stroyed by relic hunters.