Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1878-04-03
SPICE BOX.

was baptized on Sunday, and on Mon
day absconded with $50 of tho pastors
money.
Another miracle in Pennsylvania.
A tramp actually sawed two cords of
wood, and did it in good style.-Wor-
cester Press,
A farmer out toward tho Ridge,
who bought kicking COW three
weeks ago, already talks of with.
drawing from the church.
A leading physician of Brooklyn
says he has successfully treated diph-
liberia with alcohol, which is q pois-
on antagonistic to diphtheria.
Canon Farrar says that "Hell 10 a
temper, not a place." If he has that
kind Of wife, why doesn't he apply
for divorce ?-Norrtstoscn Herald.
The assessments of railroad prop.
erty in Iowa will be reduced, by the
State Executive Committee to an a.
mount less than they were two years
ago.
Some men bear up under misfor.
tune-others beer up. The former
overcome adversely, while the latter
are overcome by it. That's the diff
ference.
Mr.. Damrasch, q distinguished for
eigner, has arrived in New York. But
we are not what's-his-name enough
to attempt pun on his appellation.
l-COuOyeOQtiOu0liS
Says Josh Billings: 81 notiss one
thing, the man who rides on the kare
every day is satisfied with one seat,
but the man who rides once o year
wants at least four"
The local paper says recent Graf
lot county mich divorce suit orig.
mated in dispute over the break.
fast table as to whether q certain
house was brown or white.
A Brooklyn doctor said on the wit.
ness stand the other day: "Many Of
my patients are in love with me, bu,
I cannot help that, for it is common
experience among medical men,"
1--WE had short-cake for tea," said q
little girl to neighbours boy, to
whom she was talking through the
fence. $50 did we," he replied every
short-so short it didn't 60 round"
"In this great court that wears the
golden epaulets of justice" said Gin
cinnati barrister, "where are the great
waves that wash the shore of justice p
His client was sent down for thirty
days.
King Victor owed but $3,OOO,OO(
when he died. When the next new
king said he would tread in the foot
steps of his father, certain tradesmer
resolved: "You can't do it at my
grocery
At a recent meeting of the Balti
| more Methodist Conference five Jap.
| anese ministers (now in Japan were
received on trial and elected to dea-
cons orders for ordination in their
native land.
One side Of the fraudulent dollar
has a fat British girl on, with a tire.
mendous bang, and on the other g
hen flying off her nest, probably
frightened by the bang.-Philadel'
ph3Q BuLteLtn.
Picturing a court room scene, the
Mobile Register says: "The Judge
leaned back in his chair, shut his eyef
to keep his ideas from getting out
and thought profoundly upon the
question at ISSUE"
The discovery has been made that
the world does not revolve with the
same momentum it did a thousand
years ago, but it still swings around
fast enough to satisfy the man with
q heavy note coming due.
SIS that brewery" asked fellow.
passenger on one of the up-river
steamers, as she approached the house
of correction. "No," wittily respond
ed a by-stander, "not exactly It lie q
rectifying establishment"
An Irish baronet had so many rab-
bits on his property that he made can
dies of their fat. "And to prove the
fact" said he, "the moment terrier
dog came into the room, the candles
Immediately began to rum"
A committee of the California leg.
islatnre, appointed to investigate the
Chinese outrages, has just submitted
its report, declaring that every assault
and murder was the fault of the
white man assaulted or murdeed.
It is doctrine of the Leavenworth
(Kan.) Times that 80 few loads OF
buckshot, put where they will do the
most good, will accomplish more to-
wards the restoration of order than
q whole book full Of city ordinances.
When a woman, whose husband
receives SIS per week, insists on &C.
cupying q fashionable suit of rooms
and sleeps in six-buttoned kid gloves
to keep her hands white, she illus
trates some of the inconsistencies of
life.
Somebody having persuaded Du-
buque man to give his note for a pat
emit right. and sign a contract which
squeezed him." the Times asks:
When will farmers learn not to
sign notes? If they must sign some
thing, let them sign the pledge.
Comments of Texas paper on q
murder trial: "The jury in the Dill
murder case failed to agree that call
ing negro out of his house, tying
him, hanging him, and cutting his
throat. is murder in the first degree.
Experience alone can teach them"
A Wisconsin man took q fowling-
piece to the village gunsmith for
some repairs, informing him that 1t
was loaded and he must discharge it.
When the mechanic fred it off it
burst, and he narrowly escaped death.
And now the sportsman has sued the
blacksmith for the value of the gun.
Canada is figuring Tor prohibi-
tory liquor law, and, in the name OF
the United States of America, we de-
mand that the effort be crushed like
serpent. With this sort of law in
Canada, where arc our citizens who
run away with other peoples money
to find safety and comfort ?-OH City
Derrick.
The Catholic Universe, of Cleve-
land. says: "Some Catholics 60 by
churches with as little token of Prospect
as if they were pork-packing estab-
lishments. If unwilling or unable to
make minutes visit to their Savior
in the sacrament, they might at least
acknowledge the Adorable Presence
by raising the hat on passing the
door,"
just our luck. Here are $1,000
600 left in Holland for the Cronk fam
lily, in America, and we might have
married Cronk girl once. Wereally
intended to, but none of her folks
would consent, and as they seemed to
have private sources of information
on the subject, they finally outgener-
aled us, and there is another fortune
gone.-Rome Sentinel.
Railways pays to be polite. As the
steamboat Magenta was descending
the Hudson River last week, being
crowded with passengers, an old
gentleman was unable to find q seat.
A young man noticing this gave the
old gentleman his chair and went for
T-u1 vr,snnkoo fxorro ID ~ n