Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1878-01-03
HUMOR OF THE HOUR.

1t is remarked of Chicago couple: ''rwo
souls with but single thought-how to get
rid of each other"
1t is said that figures won't lie; but the De-
troit Nesos thinks the figures of some women
are very deceptive, to say the least.
Al st. Louis paper assumes to tell ''the truth
about St. Louis. y But we shall have to 90 to
Chicago for that-Rochester Democrat
"Moral force is never lost, observes con-
temporary. The same can be said OF brok-
en-bladed pocket-knife. .-Norristown Herald.
The Eramaiper shows that if Bluebeard's
wife had been true to him in regard to the
key he might have lived happily with her in
his old age.
There are scarcely one hundred white per-
sons in Alaska. 1t is the best ventilated Ter
ritory in the United States, and an exception
ally fine place to wear corns. .--Danbury Nesos.
The man who expects to swear off month
from now can be selected from the rest by
the size of the quid he takes when he gets
hold of another mans box.-Detroit Free
Press.
Moody and Sankey never 60 to Africa or
to other uncomfortable countries. They work
in neighborhoods where the people put plen-
ty of meat into their mince pies.-NeW York
ObserUer.
Picture of the agonies of death? Certainly.
It's a man in BARRIERS chair with the skin
on his neck stretched as tight as the head OF
bass drum, trying to suppress cough while
a razor is passing over his windpipe.-Bur-
lington Hasoheye.
A Nebraska judge decided to give horse
thief one more chance to reform. AS the
fellow left the neighborhood to begin newer
and better life he took along the judges
horse to help him.
1t has been discovered that the higher you
go up the further you can see down into
body of water. Victims of the last steam
boat explosion will please write out their OBJ
servatiOns Detroit Free Press.
The hard-hearted Ashland Re0seao asks:
Ibid you ever notice how sensitive are the
ears of woman in church to the crying OF
some other woman's baby And how dealer
than post she is when her own offspring
sets up its piercing squall."
We have done some awful mean things in
our life, but we never were mean enough to
hurt the feelings of three women walking
abreast on the crossing by stepping off in the
mud. There's something human left about
us, if we are in the newspape, business
C0usSer-JournaI.
He was meek-eyed granger, and, as he
came hesitatingly into our presence, an un-
commonly slinky-looking yellow dog skunk
in between his masters legs. ''Mr. Editor,
said the visitor, ''that there dog may be
homely, hut he is the best cattle dog in this
country; yes, sir, he Is the bes cattle dog
l ever saw, but he has one fault-just one
fault, sir-he won't look at the cattle till they
are cooked. 30 Turner's Falls Reporter.
The Richmond Dispatch says: 1.-THE past
is gone: the future is before us. This is i'm
portant if true. The Dispatch must have had
a revelation. It twould be terrible awaken
ing, indeed, if we should discover after all:
that the past won't be here for hundred
years, while we passed the future and lett II
behind us il. the middle of the last century.
However, if the Dsspatch is pretty certain
about it, we'll take the chances and 90 right
along Burlington Hosokeye.