, 1878-02-01
Wit and HumOr.

In NAS biChNHIW h'O'ol Nh' o"'N
"Ths durs yuu 'ay.
TN yote-Whrn both parties vote
,sa and u preacher ties the knot.
A coNcEIrEp iguoramus went little
O., far when he boosted Of his adventures
in hr,s hcmisphere-.
Tug head waiter Of n saloon In Boston
MAS referred I, as "a gentleman of soup
or.d.h.al attainmentS.
"LrovoR in hog,hcad," exclaimed AN
LID lady, looking over her paper. "NOw
look out for the drunken swine"
Il YOU want to make half the men in
,he street stop and turn around, whistle
TO stray dog ON the opposite sidewalk.
WHAT is the difference between jew
and Iawyerl The one gets his law from
,he prophets, and the other his profits
from the law.
AMAN at Calais, Maine, has lived OF
days on bran and water. This proves
,hat bio Lewis is not the only tirst-class
fool in America.
SIT seems to me that our milk has
been chalk o late" said the witty son of
what the milkmen call ~ tour'quart fam
ily," the other morning.
We see the Star shirt laundry adver-
tsed in Vermont paper But who
would be so reckless asterisk his linen in
a concern with such a namei
"WHAT station do you call this1"
eroaned a traveller, as he crawled out Of
the wreck Of a smashed-up railway train
"Devastation," replied the conductor.
An exchange wants to know how the
Turks happened to learn to fight SO we'll.
WHY. man, most of the Turkish officers
have half dozen wives.-Iurher'S Fats
Gdzette.
SAID a friend to bookseller: "Thc
book trade is affected, | suppose, by the
general depression. What kind of books
feel it mostl" "Pocket-books,' was the
laconic reply.
A New York editor heads an article,
"What We Drink" As he names moth
ing but water, we suspect that he has
been refused trust at the beer saloons.-
Norristo1cn Herald.
"MR. PRESIDENT" said delegate in
recent convention, 81 think we should
adjourn till TO morrow, as | notice that
there ere fifteen delegates in this conven.
tion here who are ABSENT
"EGGs are eight cents this morning."
said q country storekeeper to u testy old
rural gentleman. "Well, what OF it9"
the old man snarled. Eggs have been
ate sence ever can remember"
AN old lady in London said to street
vagabond my good man, where is the
0fford Arms9" to which the street vaga-
bond, opening his own arms. replied:
"Here they is, mum, an offered freely"
SAYS the Rome Sentinel: A farmer was
asked why he did not take the newspa-
per. Because" said he, "my father,
when he died, left me good many news
papers, and l have not read them through
yet"
A sEEDY old chap thinks that it is very
strange that the number of men who are
willing to lend you five dollars is SO out.
rageously small in comparison with the
number who want to borrow that
amount.
EARLY rising was strongly advocated
by the Duke of Wellington, who used to
say: "When a man turus over in bed it is
high time to turn out of it, No doubt
he believed that zone good turn deserves
another"
A MAN was sitting for his photograph
The operator said "Now, sir, look kind
o. pleasant. Smile a little" The man
smiled, and then the operator exclaimed: :
40! that will never do. 1t is too wide for
theinstrumentw
WITTY French lady, who was an
adopted" member of famous military
corps, when cigar WAS lighted in her
presence with the remark, ~ suppose
they smoke in your regiment, " said, "Yes,
out not in my company"
"DoN'T you find it hard to stand your
mlslortunesf" asked gossiping person
OF an acquaintance. "Oh, no; IT'S easy
enough to stand my miJortunes; it's
what people ask me about them that's
TOO much for me-" was the reply.
The carver asked Mr. which be
would have, leg or wing2 ats a
matter of perfect Indifference to me-" re.
plied the person addressed. sand to me-"
replied the carver, laying down his knife
and fork and resuming his dinner.
WHATS the matter, John1 You look
very much depressed, Has your savings.
Oank burstS" mo. But my sweetheart
ana | have had quarrel, and I'm 50
naid MIaid she'll make up with 'me before
0HFlstmas that don't know what to dor
4. A BOOK agent, soliciting a subscrip.
0on Tor hook, showed the prospectus
70 a man, who, after reading "$l in
boards, and 81 25 in sheep" declined
subscribing, as he might not have boards
vi sneep on hand when called on for pay
meDt