The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1878-07-23

ducleSS pdldCc Vi IeSG WOul0 sound
puttier-PhiIa. Bulletin.
JONAH ought to congratulate himself
on how much safer he vas in the whales
belly than he would have been in an
iron-clad man-of-war-Cm. Sat. Niqht.
AN Indiana girl made $500 raising
bruoHcurn last year. The amount of
misery raised cannot be expressed by
dollars after the same corn gets 4 handle
to it. '-a-..
ORNTHoLoGlsTs say tn ere are five
thousand different species of birds, but
give some men their little swallow and
they don't care what beco mes of the 9TH
er 4, 999kin Errr|
PHOENIX girls have begun to 90 on
picnic excursions, and sit down on bugs
and bees.-Fulton Times. Then, it is
true, the female ph@nix rises?-Mtw
York Neacs. ...N
NEW YORK no sooner gets her elevated
railway in nice running order than she
discovers that the locomotives drop hot
Goals on bald mems heads. Some draw
back, ever.
A YOUNG man in California begins to
read a paragraph about mine to his
sweetheart, commencing "Yuba mine;;"
when she interrupted him with, II don't
care if do, John"
In San Francisco, the other night,
when stage fell under the weight of
200 singers, a reporter counted fourteen
different styles of stockings before the
dust settled in his eyes.
"SPEAKING of the different kinds of
taxes" queried the teacher, "what kind
is there where whiskey is taxedW 81
know said one boy holding up his hand
"Well, what is it?' "Sin tax, shouted
the young grammarian.
He was a soiool-boy of eleven, and
had mind full of interrogation points.
When he asked his teacher" Who was
Ocles, and what was he cursed for?" his
instructor nearly split his head thinking
before it occurred to him that his pupil
referred to Damocles.-Norr. Herald.
A COUNTRY subscriber wants advice
on the best way to raise his boys. 1t de
ponds altogether on how high he wants
to raise them. A number twelve boot
might raise them moderate send-off.
Keep the jelly on the upper shelf is also
a good idea. Cincinnati breakfast Table.
A COUNTRY editor in Michigan thus
bids farewell to his readers, his paper
having expired: "Good by!-Toll the
bell gently This is our last kick
Handle us with care!-Lower us gently
to rest!-We die a natural death The
wolf is at our door!-Bury me under a
rose bush !--Isten to the hooking birds!'
7" Oh! how dreadful" said an old lady
in London, reared in an atmosphere of
conservative clericalism, when, the other
day, MIR. Gladstone was pointed out to
her at the funeral of distinguished
friend; :" / trust he isn't come to make
disturbance"
A JOHN BULL conversing with a
Canadian Indian, asked him if he knew
that the sun never sets on the queens
dominion. "No," said the Indian.
DO you know the reason whyp asked
John. It Because heaven is afraid to
trust an Englishman in the dark" was
the savages reply. % '.'T
Two young men were out fishing the
other day, and on returning were going
past a farm house and felt hungry. They
yelled out to the farmers daughter:
"Girls, have you any buttermilkY' The
reply was gently waited back to their
ears: 9 Yes; but we keep it for our own
calves" "a.
| IT'S lovely at the tender vesper hour,
when the rose fraught zephyr curls the
lakeiet into riPples, and coduets sweetly
with the rose or oleander, as the case
may be, to sit and watch the stars twink
ling in their spheres, to press Geraldine's
velvety little hand and tell her soft
things to the tune Of the peripatetic or
an.grinder.-Wld Oats.
IT was little hard on the boy, for he
meant we'll and had sincere admiration
for the girl. They were sitting at the
tea-table with company of others, and
as he passed her the sugar he murmured
in an ilndertone: g Here it is, sweet,
Just like you [" The compliment was
little awkward, to be sure, but he meant
it, and it seemed more than cruel when,
a moment later, having occasion to pass
the butter to him, she drawled, Here
it is, soft, just like YOU a.
"A OOOlON HILL ILLS u VGSG tIldU L AMY
Fern made with her own hands. And
we will bet 800 that it never did and
never will fit any man in this wide, wide
world; that they can't tell by it's shape
whether it was originally made for fat
woman or lean man; for man with
sway back, or a man with hump on his
back like a camel. Woman, heaven
bless her, is the light of our homes, but
when she tries to make mans vest the
angels weep. And when she makes a
pair of pantaloons for him the immortal
gods just hold their sides and run away
out into the woods and roll on the grass
and howi.-Bartington Harkeye.
A VERY pretty anecdote is told of the
poet Bryant by former associate in his
newspaper. Office. and. which illustrates
the mans simplicity OF heart. Says the !
narrator: One morning, many years
ago, after reaching his office and trying
in vain to begin work, he turned to me
and said, Il can't get along this MORN
ing, Why not Fl asked. ooh, be
replied, have done wrong. When on
my way here. little hoy. flying kite
pascal re The s:.-iz,sof .t....ssifs hay
ing rubbed against my face, seized it
and 0roke it, Tine boy lost the kite. "a p
did not stop to pay him for it. did
vypOv,U OUGHT IN boyo v1osd Ls,o ~