Western sentinel. [volume] (Winston [i.e. Winston-Salem], N.C.) 1856-1886, 1878-01-03
MR.. SIMPKINS DOWN.
FALL.

, a more accurate dcfination than any
hitherto devised by scientific per.
sons, but it shows the interiority ot
man to all other animals and ought
to have even more effect in hum
bling our wicke! pride than has
the famous story of the little gir1
who was excessively proud of he,
silk dress until she was told that il
was spun, woven, cut ont, made up
and trimmed by loathsome worm
II The great trouble with the short
sock is that it will not keep its
place. There being nothing what.
ever to hold it, the force Of gravita
ton necessarily drags it down about
the ankle. THE causes an amount
of misery which is. appalling. There
is no man who can feel any conf
dence in his socks. Whether he
is walking or sitting, he knows that
his socks are slowly but surely
slipping down. Carriers being out
of the question, since the shortness
of the socks does not permit gar
ter to be placed in a position where
it will not slip, there is absolutely
no remedy for what we may fairly
call the giant evil OF the age. Pins
and mucilage have both been tried
! by desperate men, but they have
both proved useless, and have
merely added to the misery of the
user. 1n these circumstances there
is nothing left for man to do except
to bear the sock in silence, or to
boldly cast it aside and adopt the
full grown stocking.
The latter alternative was recent.
ly chosen by that eloquent but un
fortunate clergyman, Rev. Charles
Simpkins, Of Westbridge, Pennsyl~
vania. Until the catastrophe which
has lately overtaken him, the
Church did not possess more
popular and promising young cler
gyman. He could repeat the open~
ing exhortation all the way from
"Deally beloved" to "forgiveness
for the same," without once pausing
for breath, and it has been asserted
that he could monotone the entire
Apostles creed while breathing
only three times. AS he was nn-
married, and not yet twenty.sevcn
years old, he was regarded with
peculiar reverence by the unmarried
| ladies Of his parish, and he received
more annual slippers than any other
clergyman in the United States.
Neatness was one OF the distin-
gushing characteristics of MIR.
Simpkins, and there are probably
few men who have suffered more
kcenly from short socks. When
walking through the village, he
was in continual dread lest his socks
should descend into public view,
and even while preaching his most
eloquent sermons, the perspiration
would gather on his brow AS he fel.
one of his socks was gradually slip
ping down. This wore upon him
to that extent that his massive in
tcllect threatened to totter, and on
the morning of the eighty first
Sunday after Trinity he deliberately
paused, after rcmarking "here
endeth"-and stopped down to re-
pair damages. That night he
resolved that vigorous measures
must be taken, and he accordingly
wrote a confidential letter to his
SISTERS husband, who resided in this
city, and inclosed all the necessary
measurement. Shortly afterward
he received, ostensibly from the
husband, but really from the atfec-
tionate sister, two dozen pair oil
Balbrrggan hose, together with a
pair of scarlet elastics am inch in
width, and of precisely the right
size.
AS soon as Mr.. Simpkins ha5
learned by repeated experiment
how to wear the scarlet appliances,
his spirits began to rise. He was
no longer prey to doubt and des
pair. His stockings firmly kept
their place, and he felt that he
could even attend a church picnic
and climb over fence without
4 fear of consequences. According
ly, for the first time during bis
4 residence at Westbridge, he con-
sented to attend the Sunday
School picnic of the 21st of Oc-
tober last, and thereby. filed will
unetterable delight the souls OF al
, the unmarried teachers of th'
; church.
Mr.. Simpkins, being free from
care, entered into the sports of tn
/ picnic with great zest, and th
. children insisted that he, togethe
? with their teachers, should tax
{ part in a game of blind man
, buff The request was acceded te
!, and the usual running, laughing
!, aD6 shrieking followed. It WA
J, while Mr.. Simpkins was fleeing, j
company with Elk excited teachers
u from the pursuit of blindfolde
small boy, that he suddenly notice