Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1878-11-09
PITHY PARAGRAPHS.

UNEASY lies the head that has no
crown.
An Englishman named Putton has
written a book on music. 1t will be
called "Putton on Airs" probably.
An Iowa limburger cheese factory
produces smell anS taste with strict f.
deity, and is mobbed about once per
week.-Frss Press.
IT was Detroit. boy who soaked
box OF matches in pail of water over
night in order to get upa sulphur spring
and cure his mothers rheumatism.
Free Press.
CARE you ready to die" asks a tract
sent TO this office. No, not yet; We
want to see ho~ Ben. Butler makes it
down in Massachusetts this iall.-.Hnssj-
lioa { o. Independent.
81 SHALL, like Cincinnatus, return to
nv dray a. soon rs my mission is aC
complished," said Mr.. kearney in a re-
cent speech. lie may find his ''dray'
is neither high nor low.
\ MICHIGAN farmer writes u the fac
ulty OF Yale: What are your terms
for year? And does it cost anything
extra il my son wants to learn to read
and write rs well as row boat
THE Chronicle, OF Virginia City, says
the first thing poor man in this State
does after making 4 rich strike is to go
back on his dog, and the next is to COM
plain OF his wifc'S frecklcS.
IT is understood that only three per-
sons were possessed oi the combination
to the bank safe that WAS robbed OF
10000 dollars, the janitur, the wash
erwoman and the boOtblack. ---Grdphjc.
\ rIEcE Of pasteboard with 4 verse on
it, given as Il reward Of merit i'll L Sab
bath school, has not half the charm ior
boy As the same sized piece Oi paste
board with the simple talismanic
words. 'Admit one '---tRciRnai Sai,r-
/ day Night.
TIE boy who, when his father was
after him with Il cowhidc, hid himself
behind a haystark, where he disturbed
nest of hornets, on rejecting over the
matter while his eyes are recovering
thinks it was Il case of mistaken identity
- lonkers Gazette.
"CmUCKRNS allus Cumc home to roos' y
is Il mighty good prowcrb, but dat don't
alluS apply in dis part. kasc I'm been
look all day an all kin fin ob mine dat
didn't roos home las night war few
fedders in de cullud preachers do yard.
-New York Grolhic
THE Department of Internal Affairs is
very important one, says The Pits
JUgh Telegraph. This is exactly what
every man, woman and child realizes
when they have the stomach ache
PhH0. GrOnicic Yes and they have to
90 to Africa for camphor to cure it.
SUPPOSE YOU were out in 4 Jungle
somewhere" said StrobcI to Bllikins,
while walking through the Zoo, land
should see tiger come charging down
upon you, with iur up and mouth open,
what would be your first thought
'Wcll, | rather think" replied Mr. B.,
''that for about two seconds I'd conclude
Marthy AIMS mother had just got back
( from her trip to camp-mceting. 1t would
| be Il comfort though, when | found out
! I'd been mistaken about il. '---Ner IOrk.
Mercury.
Lo. the poor Indian When he goes
home to his cherries wigwam in the
evening he has no dime novel with which
to while away the weary hours no friend
next door to come in and talk politics.
no medical almanacs to read; no New
York papers, with full proceedings OF
the raCy Vanderbilt will case; no money
! in safe, for masked robbers to break in
and steal, no civilized pleasures OF this
kind, He simply hangs up the bloody
scalps he has captured during the day,
beats his squaw with a club, wraps a
buffalo robe around him, and lays down
to pleasant dreams. If pale face comes
within hall q mile Of his wigwam, the
slumbering red man snuffs him afar,
awakcs, and goes out and shoots him
! full OF arrows.---N0r. WerdH.