The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-11-21
STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.

A grave charge-that made by the Medlca
Colleges upon the cemeteries.
The Democratic Letter of Acceptance in lSS(
will not contain the word "Usufruct."
Rows. don't learn to write. Don't learn to cl
pher. Remember Tilden and Manton Marble
The quail hunting season is in full blast, as
the man with the load of bird-shot in his face
can testify.
1t is gradually dawning upon the editors OF
of great reform journals that Roscoe Conkl1ng
is great man.
"Who killed Sam. Tilden?'' al" says Man.
ton Marble; "I did it with my little cipher'
The last family feud in South Carolina, was
when a mule threw Wade Hampton, and
broke his leg.
The amount of space which couple of school
girls require upon the sidewalk has been estl-
mated at just seventeen yards.
Mrs. HAYES has alaid in her winter supply of
pumpkins The good lady should place a
fresh one on the Presidents shoulders-tbe old
is getting little soft.
Itmay now be truthfully said of young man
who attends Medical College that" she is study
ing the resurrection! J"
cent elections. about a man, General or some
thing, by the name of Cary, who used to speak
in public occasionally?
1t is rich to hear Democrats talk of throwing
the next election of President into the House.
Why bless you, haven't you heard that Grant
or Conkling will be the Republican candidate :?
The Democratic papers are now berating the
Democratic party for adopting the "Ohfo ldee,
DemOcratic principles.
how we ask, can a party forsake nothing.
No wonder Mr.. Tilden takes it hard. He just
got near enough to the White House to peep
over the fence and see Hayes going in at the
front door.
ssPelton," said old man Tilden, "who is this
man Marble? Seems to me I've heard OF him
before" And as the old man gazed absently
out of the window, Pelton slipped away to get
the presidents" horse saddled.
Tickets for stufing ballot-boxes in South
Carolina were printed on tissue paper. From
which we infer that the tissue of Republican
government in South Carolina is very thin
Tennyson has written a poem, which he
thinks so good that he don't want 1t published
until after he is dead. What an excellent idea
that would be for young poets to adopt.
Now, as each succeeding Saturday evening
comes around, the mother gazes absently at
the small boy sitting in the corner, and Won
ders who could have stolen that pumpkin pie.
The New York police stand in front of the
business houses and banks, until burglars have
loaded themselves with valuables, then sit
Jwn on the curbstone and laugh to see the
poor fellows run.
The Workingmen of Boston have nominated
a halter for Mayor. Why not? We know of a
county in Ohio that made judge out of a shoe
maker. And he was nothing but judicial
shoemaker, after ALL
The good President still believes in the wis.,
dom and beauty of his Southern policy. All
that worries the good man now is to know
whether Gov. (?) Hampton has ammunition
enough on hand TO run the next campaign.
"I1l teach you," said Brown, furiously strik
ing his little son, 'Ill teach you to waste your
money for candy. "I'll teach you kicking the
boy in the ribs.) to spend that nickel, after
told you to give it to the Foreign Missions So
ciety, to be used in educating the heathen ~
and he pummeled that wicked boy ferociously.
"I am preparing my new lecture" said Al
gernon, to a crowd of ladies and gentlemen.
"What is the title ?" asked pert miss. "The
Wants of Our Times !" answered the lecturer.
"Oh, question very easily answered." Alger-
non turned toward her with a wise look: "And
what, pray, are the wants of our times ?"
"Brains !" answered the young lady.
"Now there's such difference in boys,' said
Mrs. Trustum; ''some boys always into
everything about the house. There's that Tom
of mine; I'm not afraid to leave him in the
house for any length of time he never bothers
my sugar, preserves, or anything of that kind !;
would you. Tom ?" she asked of boy who was
just walking quietly from the kitchen, with his
hands folded behind him. "No'm!" answered
Tom. But those who saw the enormous chunk
of loaf sugar in each of his hands, thought it
case of misplaced confidence.
Old Deacon Short had been greatly both cred by
bad boys. So one night he stationed himself at
the corner of the house, armed with a good
"hickory." Pretty soon he heard some one
coming. Bracing himself, he sprang upon the
intruder, and treated him to four or five vigor-
Gus 1ashes with the switch before he discovered
that 1t the minister, coming in to spend
the evening. He didn't discover it then until
the good man had mistaken him for a robber
and knocked him down. When the local paper
spoke of the affair as ga Collission-The Result
of Misplaced Switch !" the editor narrowly
escaped double threshing.