The Morning herald., 1878-12-06
PEN AND SCISSORS.

To the man without hose,
A big boil on his nose,
Aud patch on the seat Of his pants
A polite fsh--A gent eel.
Some men are bred bakers.
A firt-"Sofa and no father"
The comedian is farce seeing man.
Strauss shows which way the waits goes
In driving a hen woman is SLOW but
shoosher'
II il the tin business which is most liable
to . panic.
Where to get two hves for ten-ln x
change place.
The cheapest way to settle back rent is
to buy an ulster.
A profane upstart-The man who sits
down on bent pin.
Beef Allah mowed-said the Turk when
the hail killed his cattle.
1t takes two properly to enjoy canvas
back duck. /. You. 2. The duck.
How did Job Baxter get his pretty wife 7
you ask. Why, Job Baxter, Of course.
It's all very we'll to say ''take things as
they come," but suppose they don't come.
Mending blue stockings with white yarn
makes them darned sight too conspicu-
Gus.
The man who was kicked out Of the
he use by an irate parent didn't laugh In
his leave.
A man is like an egg the longer he re-
mains in hot water the harder he will be
when be comss out.
The paragrapher that was hanged said
to the crowd around the gallows, This
life is but hemp,tie show"
There wouldn't have been any milk in
the cocoanut il some Of our dairymen had
had the original construction OF it.
"John writes to inquire how the ark was
propelled. We would say to John that
the ark was row>boat and was propelled
by Noah"
They were pupniug badly when Smith
said "Iowa man two doll srs, "and Jones re-
piled, "Ohio man too," Funeral notict
tomorrow.
"Is this air-tight, ~ inquired man in 6
hardware store, as he examinedftove, "No,
sir" replied the clerk; air never get'
tight" He lost a customer.
Elder sister: "Oh, you fancy yourself
yery wise, dare say, but could give y u
wrinkle or twow Younger sister: INC
doubt--and never miss Them"
Now is the time when the amateur
farmer raises his voice in boasting Of bis
big potatoes, and forgets to tell how many
dollars peck they have cost him.
"Whats the difference" asked teacher
in arithmetic, "between one yard and two
yards~ "a fence" said Tommy Beales.
Then Tommy sat on the ruler fourteen
times.
"A Woman's Mistake" is a new F eneh
novel. We haven't read it, but are willing
10 stake weeks salary that her mistake
wasn't in getting her boots a size too large
for her.
"What time ts it ?" asked customer of
a restaurant clerk, as he settled tor his
breakfast. "Its quarter after ate,' res
piled the clerk. as he raked in the cash
and twenty-five cent check.
Necessity has no law-Parson (sternly) !:
"How could you come to church to be mar
ried to man in such atate as that ?"
Bride (weeping): "It was not my fault,
sir. never can get him to come when
he SOBER"
He was getting a certificate from the
clerk, and In reply to the usual question,
First or second marriage?" he SAID, "Its
my second marriage, LIN sorry to say, but
my first wife requested me to marry again,
and Pm going 10 do it"
Little Freddie was talking to his grand
ma, who was something of skeptic.
| Grandma, do you belong to the Presby-
terian church p "No." ITO the Baptist?'
No" "Well, grandma, don't you think it
is about time to get in somewhere"
The way to reach mans heart is to
cater to his appetite. A girl who can
claw piano and agita:e the atmosphere is
a good parlor ornament, but one that can
grsase priddle and turn two pan cakes at
a time is the kind of female to tie to this
time Of year,
"Do you mean to say, positively
madame" said lawyer to witness,
"ihat the person referred to never left his
native village after the day Of his mar.
riaoe p 81 do" "How do you know he
never did ?" Because saw him buried
in the villige graveyard the same after.
noon"