The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-11-23
VARIETIES.

"AoN'' - S'AS ASAAS Va -
green husband.
A Teutonic figure of speech-9.-
50. Louis Journal,
-Awl things to all people-Cobblers
--KeO5aGb Constitution.
i of-10-Ss q k-9-W Whitehall Times
d 0 2.-SyracuSe Times.
The tree that shades the most pre-
cious fruits is the rooftree.
"A grave digger-One who never
smiles.-Ke0kuI Constitution.
-"sox nit hear'' are just as warm
as socks knit elsewhere.-FreeP Press.
The President leaves two days in
the month to get over Thanksgiving.
Kate Claxton says many wom-
en- are prettier off the stage than on"
The sugar houses are all in full
blast in Louisiana, and the yield is a
good one.
Don't get in debt to shoemaker
if you would call your soul your own.
-Camden Post.
johnny stole one pancake and got
six spankaches without stealing .-B0S-
ton. Transcript.
How to prevent jockeying in a
horse race Don't have any horse race.
OIL city Derrjck
The Berlin peace treaty must be
amended. There are several nations
which are not fighting.
In the opinion of the Fulton Times,
a patch on the seat of boys trousers
IS something new under the sun"
"A man who is intimate on short
acquaintance is usually " Short on in
innate acquaintance.-B Globe.
There wouldn't have been any
milk in the cocoanut if some of our
dairymen had had the construction of
it SATURDAY, Night.
Oppressed humanity can't stand
everything for ever. The citizens have
begun hanging the weather prophets in
western Iowa.-HaUb-Eye.
"A nephew of the late Brigham
Young is attached to the editorial staff
of the Salt Lake Tribune, which is very
bitter against the Mormans.
1t is estimated by the bureau of sta
tistics that there are now eXtant not less
than 100000 old letters each contain
ing the postscript " burn this!'
Every man is made better by the
possession Of a good picture, if it is
only landscape on the back of hun
dred dollar note.-Ne1O Orleans Pjcay-
une
One of the saddest and most vexa-
tious trials that comes to a girl when
she marries, is that she has to discharge
her mother and depend upon hired
girl.-Ha0b-Eye.
One reason why more people did
not go into the Ark is, that Noah neg
lected to advertise in the papers.
There is great moral lesson contained
IN this fact.-NeaO YORK M0I
The man whose lame back pre-
vents him from splitting stick of wood
or building fire is the one who leads
an attack on pile of ten cords of wood
to help uncover and kill frightened
rabbit.
Mont Blanc has cold in its head.
but Etna fires up if you even hint that
there IS an eruption at its mouth This
IS a mountainous statement, but it
COMES from the steep and rugged path
of truth.
The man who wants to get three
cats in line before he shoots will some
day find the poorhouse waiting for him.
1t is the man who peppers away at cats
whenever chance offers who will Law up
ducats for old age.
"A California Judge granted d.
vorce case because the husband had
rubbed the wife'S nose with a nutmeg
crater, and the court thought they
could not afford to encourage crater
crime. Washington Capital.
"A resident of Grand Rapids, Mich,
invested $4,000 with a Chicago broker.
He lost it all, and was sued for So. Is
of balance. Yet some people laugh
when you speak of losing over 100 per
cent. Cincinnati Commercial.
The Boston Post wants some one to
tell 1t how earthquakes are started
Well, you see, one fellow he makes an
assertion, and the other fellow saws its
a blasted lie, and-and-the rest is
crowded out this week. Free Press.
Vanderbilt don't value thousand
dollars much. He promised to give
$4,000 for Maud S., the trotter, if she
could make mile in 2:20. The mare
made 2:174, and Vanderbilt handed
over thousand dollars extra.-Free
Press.
The Emperor William and Prince
Bismarck are fairly overwhelmed with
threatening letters. Never mind 'em,
William, never mind 'em. We get
them too, lots of them, but they hardly
ever sue. Stand 'em off, just as you've
always done, till times are easier.
The Rev. w. T. Ellis preached a
sermon in the West Woodstock Comm
Congregational Church on some par
ticular sins of his people. One of the
alleged sinners, q member of the church,
confronted the pastor as he went out of
the house, and crushed his hat down
over his eyes. Then followed a rough
-and-tumble fight.
"A little Portland girl recently testi-
lied innocently to the life of drudgerv
experienced by the average "queen of
the household" who does her own
housework. Somebody asked the child
if her mothers hair was gray. 81
don't know" she said, "she is too tall
for me to see the top of her head, and
she never sits down."
Putting a Fine Point On It.-A
widow whose husbands artistic percep-