The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-01-04
WIT AND HUMOR.
| PORT of cntry-Portwine.

A PORT of cntry-Portwine
A SERIOUS man may not be proverbial
for wisdom, though he be q solemn un.
WHEN man complains of feeling "all
gone" is it safe to infer that he is FUSED
up?"
The girl who imbibed freely of apple
Juice was, for a time thereafter, be-cider-
self.
A wHrPsAw: Trouble drives man to
strong drink, and strong drink drives
him into trouble.
A PATENT broomstick, which can be
reconstructed after being broken over
delinquent husbands head, is the
latest invention.
A LITTLE girl, while watching the
rain, turned to her mother and said
"Ma, I guess the weather's owarm it's
melting the Clouds"
A TURKISH merchant vessel, called the
Beard of Mahomet, was sunk recently
| in the Black sea. The best thing the
owners can do is to razor.
ELNoRA-Both of your poems are
wrong in meter, and we think that you
will discover that two wrongs don't
| Iudhe CuS MlitO-poOiJ' V""'O's~OO
Times.
A MOTHER seeing her little 4-year-old
nearly asleep in her chair, asked If she
had not better go to bed. ooh, no,
mamma; L only shut my eyes to keep
the dust out.
A NANTUCKETER has raised wheat
from seed found in the hand of an
Egyptian mummy. He is now ex-
perimenting with corns taken from the
mummys feet.-Puck.
HERE is problem for scientists. Why
is it that in winter overshoes are called
Arctic, while they keep us warm; and in
summer soda-water is called Arctic and
keeps us cool ?'-DetrOH Free Press.
TWENTY ONE Freshmen were suspend
ed from an English college because q
professor couldn't find out who placed a
ten-ounce tack in his chair. He, how
ever knew all about who sat down on it.
OLD Mrs. Pritchard, OF Newport, says
that when she was girl a man could
drive three yoke of oxen with less fuss
than one of 'em makes In putting the
shoes on baby nowadays Breakf fast
Table.
THE ambitious warbler who is trying
to climb to glory by flooding our waste
basket with sonnets written in pale red
ink, will have to get there by some other
route. Brick colored manuscript has
about the same effect on rear-sighted
editor that crimson shawl does on a
male COW. Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
"YoU wasn't around when they dealt
out hair, was you?" said redheaded
man to bald-headed man in railroad
car. eyes, was there" said the man
with the skating-rink on the top of his
head; 81 was there, but they offered
me a handful of red, and L told them to
throw it into the coal-scuttle to kindle
the fire with. "-LOuiSUiite Courier
Journal.
AL DUDLEY was prominent lawyer
in Tuolumne county, Gal. He was en-
ployed to defend a client for stealing a
hog-jury trial. Dudley made an elo-
quent and successful plea. The man was
acquitted. He was grateful, but had no
money. Chow can ever repay you,
Mr.. Dudley haven't cent. Accept
my thanks" "Thanks be hanged ~
said AL. "Send me a side of the pork. "
OK a railroad line, recently. a passen-
ger stopped the conductor, and asked,
"Why does not the train run faster"
ct goes fast enough to suit us. III you
don't like the rate of speed get off and
walk" was the reioinder. 81 would"
replied the passenger, settling bach in
his seat, "but'my friends wouldn't come
for me until The train comes IN, and I
don't want to be waiting around the sta
ton two or three hours.
A JOLLY son of the ocean was about
being put on board an outward bound
ship, for which he had previously en-
tered, when he asked leave to have an
other run cup town." Being informed
that he could not be permitted to go,
as the ship was about to sail, he sang
out to a man on the wharf, an entire
stranger to him Here my friend"
throwing him 5s piece, spend that for
NELL do as much for you another
time"