The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-01-31

"Did you ever read LongfellowW in
nocently inquired Tender Tim, the boot
black.
"Lor' bless you, bub! but I've read
all there is to readl / don't exactly re-
member about Longfellow, but / once
read sixty-one dime novels with only a
break of six hours for sleep, and if he
wasn't included in the lot he must be
some one-horse writer who hain't worth
reading. G'long now, boys, for there
comes the old man, and l notice he's
Citing kinder aigewise to'ards the
boundin' spirit O youth and infancy"
THREE BAD GIRLS.
The first prisoners out were three bad
girls-bad in looks, actions, manners,
speech, morals and future prospects. His
Honor said:
"I am reminded of the three black
crows, though never knew a crow to
get intoxicated and 60 reeling up and
down the streets"
Is this museum of natural history
or police justice court p asked Lottie
Smith. ..ay
"Your fine is ten dollars" was the
evasive answer.
Three bad girls before the bar
One got saucy and went afar.
"I am now reminded of the two black
crows" said his Honor, as he took up
his pen.
"We'd only been to the theater!"
exclaimed one.
We were only taking walk" sang
out the other.
"There is time for taking walkl"
was the solemn reply.
"When is itp asked one.
"At Just this hour in the morning.
You will now walk into the corridor
with sentence of ninety daysp
She promenaded.
Two bad girls-one skipped away
And one was left to softly say:
Your Honor, I object to the cold
water and other provisions furnished the
prisoners up there. This has been a
great moral lesson to me, and if you sus-
pend sentence l will at once 60 to Can
ada, marry some rich farmer, and settle
down to piecing quilts and chopping
wood
Your friends will be lonely without
you, and your sentence is also ninety
days"
One bad girl waved her adieu--
His Honor picked up cases new.
BAKERS DOZEN.
"B. stands for Baker,, said the
court as John Bakers randy-colored
yisage was shown over the bar, but /
don't know of anything but term in the
House of Correction to stand for such
conduct as yours"
What did do?' whined the prisoner.
IF had been widow on Seventh
Street the other night" answered the
court, 4" it is not likely you would have
been alive this morning. On the con-
trary, your body would have been lying
in the back room of an undertaker's
shop, and the corners jury would have
already returned verdict of served
him Just right But, l wasn't widow"
"WasI on Seventh Street last night ?''
asked the prisoner.
eyes, sir. Not only that, but you,
accompanied bytwo other loafers, kicked
in widows door, kicked over the stove
smashed the chairs and, unfortunately
escaped being shot. A more disgraceful
case never heard Of"
81 can't remember anything aboutit,' .
sighed the prisoner.
"Can't, Ell? If you had brought
away handful of bird-shot in your
legs you would have no trouble in re
membering all aboutit. Onereason why
shall not give you six months in tht
House of Correction is because that in
stitution is crowded for room. vii
however, give you three months VI
there, and it wouldn't hurt my feeling
bit if you had to sleep on the ston,
floor, with an icicle for pillow"
cts awful to use an innocent NAL
in this way" whined the prisoner as h
entered the corridor. but Bijah backet
him against door and sternly said:
Mister man, if l had been in hi
place out there, I'd have given you 81:
months if it took the front door off it
hingesl Sot down on that'er bench t
once, and don't dare to even draw Ion
breath p'
A FAIR BARGAIN.
A farmer named Bagley visited tn
, city to dispose of twelve hens and bu
his wife calico dress. He sold th
poultry, but when he came I
, reflect that it took ten yard
, of calico to make his wife dress, an
, that ten yards would cost him fift
J cents, he decided that fashion and drel
. were causing the ruin of the America
{ nation, and that he shouldn't help fore
E this country into bankruptcy. Abor
5 three hours after reaching that decisio
r the farmer entered store on Monrc
!, Avenue and said:
81 shold twelve hens, an wan'tt
/ buy ten yards-ten yards--ten yarc
= bankruptcy"
b An hour later he entered the Cit
+ Hall, and said to a man in the corridor
"Shold twelve yards er hens, an
s wanter buy tener glasses calico"
v Half an hour after he arrested
u policeman on charge of drunkenness
v and while taking the officer to Il
= station, the farmer said:
s "Poor boy! how er pity you! d
% you shell twelve layers an buy your je
a wife calico hen%
" When called before his Honor in t
o morning Mr.. Bagley seemed very ]
IS pentant, and he made solemn agre
it ment that he should be sent up for six
II days if he did not start for home
|. fore night
y When the darkness hovered DER,
b And the rain began to pour,
, Pedestrians heard snore
- As from far-off shore.
Is Two officers or more,
m (They had heard such sounds before)
Waded through the slush and gore
And with kind words did implore
The sleeper to restore
His strength and leave that door
For