The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-05-23
EVERY DAY sPICERIEs.

EVERY DAY SPICERIES.
VERDICT of the Coroner of the future: !:
Came to her death by the mysterious ex-
plosion of loaf of bread Rochester
| Democrat. ni3
An Ohio man now comes to the front
and claims to be the only original
Artemus Ward. Are the Offices all
gone IL Danbury Nescs.
We sometimes hear Of public men
taking care of their friends, but Sitting
Bull knoweth how to take hair of his
enemies.-StamJord Advocate.
PRovIDENT minister: i wish to
state that have procured an alarm
clock that will wake up the congrega-
ton as soon as the service is oyer."-
Harper's Bazar.
A NEGRO, who was shot while climb
| ing out of Southern hensroost, emil
grated to Vermont and came near being
elected to Congress as a battle-scarred
veteran. .--Andre,os Bdsar.s aaf5e
AN opticians circular says: " The
education of the eye is necessary even to
self-support." That il, keep the pupil
under tie lash till it is able to say, 1
brows for myself. ~ Graphic.
Two large bodies of Mexican soldiers
government and rebel-can fight all
day and kill but dozen men. War
can be made very pleasant and compar-
atively safe.-Detroit Free Press.
A BRIDGEPORT man has been twenty
wears perfecting q machine to enable
him to fly over Niagara Falls. 1t would
have been cheaper, we think, to have
taken to the bridge. Danbury Nelos.
In considering the remark that three
of the sweetest words II. the English Ian
guage begin with H-Hope, Home and
Heaven" the Haeukeye has noticed that
hell, hog and hossfy have the same habit.
CIRCUMSTANCES alter cases. Many a
man who was designed by nature to sing
tenor in church choir is obliged to
perambulate the earth, and confne him
| self to a simple melody like g Umbrel-
la-a-a-s and parasols to men-n-n-n-d p'-
Rome Sentinel.
A POKER player in Omaha declared
that he hoped to be struck dead if he
had lied about the cards; and he was
struck dead in an instant after the words
were out of his mouth. Providence is
determined to purify this noble game
Chicago Times.
"OUIDA," the gushing novelist, asks:
"What will the children now growing
up with us know of our Italy p? We'll,
they will know that tour Italy fur
nishes this country its dirtiest organ
grinders and the sorest-eyed monkeys
Norristoam Herald.
YES, brother journalists, there will
come time when religious societieswill
not expect seven dollars worth Of
gratuitous advertising in return for a
ticket emitting the bearer to chance
in rattle for ninety-nine-cent hair
rush.-Albany Argus.
A HARRISON Sunday-school teacher
was telling her scholars the other Sum
day about bad boy who stole q hundred
dollars, when she was interrupted by
one of her auditors with the query:
"And how the dickens did he get such a
bully chance f"-Ne,oark Call.
THERE is an astonished parent in
| LAFAYETTE. The Courier says: "A well.
known citizen on North-street was
startled by little six-year-old at his
table who, with quaint, queer and
quizzical expression, asked: What do
you think about Beecher nowr"
THE WIND AND THE LEAF.
There was young Leaf: one bright morn of
To her SHb1 the Wind came lightly wandering.
| And wooed her sweetly with q fond caress,
| And softly whispered Of her loveliness
Close to the bough, in the declining year,
hung and 5 might
| A withered Leaf deep In the autumn sod.
WHEN a farmer in Hamilton County,
New York, found that his wife had
eloped with tin-peddler, he went over
| and hired a band, bought new suit Of
clothes and gave dance which cost him
sixty dollars. He said it was good
deal cheaper than burying her.-Detro1
Free Press.
THE Boston Post says the New York
Tribune brays like an ass. Why the
| Post should find fault about that is In
comprehensive. If the Tribune brays
at all, it should certainly endeavor to
initiate as nearly.as possible that melo-
dious beast. To bray like some other
animal would betray in the Tribune a
lack of judgment which no true worker
in natural history could tolerate.-Cour-
ier-Journdl.
CHE who raises his hand to woman
except in an act of kindness is villain
whom it were base flattery to call a
coward d"-or words to that effect. The
next most dastardly thing that a man
can perpetuste is to strike q poor, sickly,
emaciated fellow-man. 1t is NEST cow
ardly, and besides fellow is apt to cut
his knuckles all to pieces on the sharp
cheek bones of the strikee. Moral-hit
only fat men.-Ne,o York Dispatch.
A JUROR in st, Louis snored SO loudly
that he awoke the Judge, and the latter
was SO indignant that he fined him ten
dollars and sent him out of the box, at.
ter which the case was adjourned, the
defendant refusing to proceed with only
eleven jurors. Snoring, accordingly, il
| contempt of court, unless the Judge
does it himself; SO that about the only
thing the average juror knows how to dc
well is taken away from him. -Butdit
Express.
A HUSBAND and wife of Camden
Pennsylvania, claimed to have lived to
gether year without exchanging {
cross word. They received a prize Of {
| fine carpet after swearing to this state
ment. The man is seventy-fuur and tn,
wife seventy years of age.-Boston Post
Whereabouts in Pennsylvania did yot
say Camden was? We know man ant
| 4 ~ =. - 4. /.