The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-05-09
WHOLE NO. 1911.
Miscellaneous.

Miscellaneous.
Swindlers were in town the other day,
trying to sell map of botany, but no
body botany.
"The May-lancholy days have GOMEZ
sigh the May-movers.
"a French republic" said Lamartine,
would be a possibility if any one was
willing to be the second person in it"
These are hard times but there seems
to be no poverty of invention. Look at
the telephone, phonograph, and news
papers whoppers.
A Cincinnati lady has lace tie worth
81 200. Such an extravagant woman
wouldn't do for poor man to "tie to-.
Which is the better mating or crema-
ting? st. Paul said that it was "better to
marry than to burn.
Pope Leo use to write poetry. One of
his first acts as Pope was to grant him.
self absolution for the offense.
tramp walked into st. Louis the 9TH
er day, and Chicago Immediately rose on
its hind legs and whimpered," Now
they've got one majority.
Kicking dress out behind is called a
la Grande Duchesse, though an old Soc
iety critic says he should call it "alle
dunn nonsense. a.fIf
Victor Hugo wrote to "fraternal BAN
quet of workingman that he could not
be present. but send them" shake of his
hand from the bottom of his heart.
Here men are offered three neckties
for quarter of a dollar, and still refuse
to be conforted, but give the preference
to three cigars.
Railway travel in Connecticut is i'm
peded by the fend who goes through the
train taking the votes of the passenger on
the question of perpetual punishment.
Custom forbids Turkish Sultans to
wear the same article of dress twice. So
it is our ulster that has prevented US
from being mistaken for the Sultan of
Turkey-is it2
The ancient Egyptians used to glue the
mummies of their ancestors to the walls
of their households. These are the ear
men on record.
In her novel of "An Open Verdict, "
Miss Braddon says: There are twenty
poets born in a century and about twenty
thousand rhymesters. We honestly
thought they were more Of US.
The persistency with which the school
boy will go fishing and catch nothing, is
equalled only by the unsuccessful efforts
of the corn doctor to secure customer
in printing office.
Halls journal of Health remarks that
nothing but the proboscis of an elephant
compares in muscular fexibility with the
human tongue. It's clear that the writer
of that remark isn't any single man.
Brown tried to quarrel with his mother
in-law the other evening He married
the eldest of seven girls Said she,
Brown, my boy, I'm not going to ruin
my reputation by quarrelling with you.
Wait till all the girls are married. At
present, as motherin law, I'm only an
amateur"
New Orleans owes Mrs. Gaines
S4,000,000; and she says when she gets it
strange that she wants to spend in six
months the money she was nearly a
whole lifetime in securing.
A racehorse can go fast and a war
horse looks well in poetry; but, if you
want to hear softer tones in the kitchen,
furnish it with good clothes horse.
Hotel Guest (on retiring): 81 want to
get up at eight o'clock" Facetious
clerk: "Have not got one SIR" Guest:
Not got what?' clerk: "A potato clock"
An exchange says that when President
Hayes put his foot on a thing it is there
to stay We notice he has put his v
toes lately on several things which did
not stay.
A Yankee was giving an account of
his experience as hotel keeper did
you clear anything by it?' asked lis
tener II cleared a six-rail fence, getting
away from the sheriff" he answered,
quietly.
In San Francisco a Chinaman became
the father of an American born son, and,
as he danced about. swinging bis pig-tail
he shouted: "Me Mclean man, all same
Did Grantee. Me heap Washington. Me
ightningrod agent, Go way, whoopeel"
II shall not go to the masquerade un-
ess I'm masked, said young man to
mis- companion, as they were promenad-
ng up Main Street, Monday evening
L shall not unless I'm asked, either"
she replied. He took the hint and invit-
ed her on the spot
First Law Pill: "Gad, Jones, most
curious question has arisen lately. There's
L man in Newton, and the laws such
that they can't bury him !" Second Law
Pill Earnestly: Very astounding, to be
sure! Why, how on earth can that be p
First L. P. (derisively): why, he isn't
lead yeti"
What is the difference between the
nan who has a weakness between the
blades and the man wants Con-
yress to vote him 100000 for services
rendered during the war? Now listen to
he answer One has a lame back and
,he other back claim.
Princess Mary is said to be anxious for
var between England and Russia. The
,ther day Beaconsfeld dined with her,
md she urged him to fight You have"
he said, 'the Queen with you, Parlia-
nent and the country. What more do
Tou want| Beaconstield glanced at his
1late, and solemnly replied Potatoes,
ma am"
It's all very well to talk about econo-
h1f hn Ic To