Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-07-05
Flu N !!


jake ON WATERMELON PICKLE.-Old
lady Jonas borrowed Mrs. Browns re-
ceipt for making watermelon pickles the
other day, and being hard of hearing, and
as she couldn't see to read well, she got
her grandboy, jake, to peruse it for her.
jake took the paper like dutiful child,
and, holding it upside down, commenced:
ssTake green watermelon"
ssWhy, jake; amt you mistaken;
thought the melon must be ripe"
go, watts the matter id you: jewever see
a watermelon that wuzn't green?"
s'Cut the watermelon into four halves -
s'But there amt only two halves to any
thing; I don't believe you are reading
that right, Jakie.''
.''WelL I don't halve to. But anyhow
that's wat the reseet says. Then soak the
watermelon in pint cup"
SO, dear me! how in the world can you
put watermelon in pint cupp"
"Well, I amt here to tell the whereas
and the howfores. I'm just readin' the
facts, and you kan put in the philosophy
to suit yer taste. After soaking the melon,
put it in skillet and fry it for four days"
81 wonder if Mrs. Brown sent me such
q reseet as that,'' said the old lady, bat
jake kept on.
sThen put the watermelon in quart
bowl and pour over it a gallon of vinegar,
taking care not to spill the vinegar
ssI'd just like to know how you can
pour a gallon into quart without spilling
any of it, but jake continued:
"Then sift peck of red peppers through
milk -strainer over the melon; and to one
cup of butter add the whites and the
yolks and the shells Of three eggs, and
throw in the old hen that laid 'em, and
four sticks of cinnamon drops, and bottle
of DR.. Mary Walkers Vinegar Bitters,
and two tablespoonful Of sassafras. and
ten grains of quinine, and run it through
a coffee mill, and let it stand till it fer
ments, and then put into tin can, and
tie the can to dogs tail-this will stir it
up to the right consistency and then you
can turn it off into crooks and have it
ready for use. Serve it up cold and spread
it on mince pie, and it makes capital
DESSERT" and jake slid out of the door,
and left the old la y looking like wrinkle
on monument.
81 golly!" said jake, ''bet yer sweet
life she won't ask me to read any more
reseets!"
Two CUNUNDRUMs.-Ay young lady
when riding from her fathers county seat
to neighboring village met young man
on foot, who was carrying suspicious
looking jug. She at. once refined in her
horse, and then asked him what he had in
his jug.
Looking up with comical face he
simply winked one eye and smacked his
lips to indicate that it contained some
thing good.
The young lady, supposing he meant
alcohol, Immediately began to talk tenn
perance, but her auditor requested the
privilege Of first asking her one question.
s'What is it2' she inquired.
ssIt is this," he replied. "Why is my jug
like your side saddle2"
She could not tell.
SIT is because it holds gal on he
said.
s'What trifing!'' exclaimed the indig-
nant young lady, and then continued:
''Young man. do you not perceive
ssJust one more question:" interrupted
her auditor, land then 1 am done. Why
is my jug like the assembly room of fe-
male seminary at roll call?"
'sI'm sure I don't know" petulantly re-
piled the young lady.
.sWell, it is because it is full o. lasses, !"
said the incorrigible auditor.
The fair lecturer touched her spirited
horse with her whip, and was soon out of
hearing of the rude young man.
LADIES, DON'T READ THIs.-The fol-
losoing paragraph is not i,Jended for the
ladsesl We call particular attention to
this fact in order to avoid any misunder-
standing that might arise if any Of them
should accidentally peruse it. We know
they will all skip it now, after we have
called their attention to the matter, and
thus we shall be relieved of a great re-
sponsibility:
MEBEWARE, LADIEs-DON'T READ!
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Old Deacon Dobson always boosted
that he was prepared for the worst. " and
his neighbors thought he got it when he