Daily Republican., 1878-12-19
HUMOROUs.

hotel to pass the night, and II was not
Ave MINUTES before the bell indicated
that he wanted TO See a waiter. A col.
orsd boy ran up, stuck his head into
the room, and asked what was wanted.
The old man said he didn't want any.
thing, out the waiter was hardly down
stairs before this bell rang again.
"Did you want suffin 7" h- inquired,
as he reached the room again.
Nothing" replied the old man as
he opened the door.
In about two minutes the bell rang
again, and this time the waiter ex.
claimed,
"lf you don't want muffin what ar
ye pullin de bell for 7"
81 want to oblige the waiter" re-
piled the old man.
"De walahH Oblige de watah :"
"Yes it says hei-, Please ring the
bell for the waiter, and if he wants it
rung am willing to oblige him, al
through Pm tired and sleepy, and
shall not pull it more than four times
more unless know that some of his
family are sick"
TEMPERANCE LECTURE ON THE RAIL
Twenty years ago." said the passen-
ger with the red ribbon in his button
hole, II knew that man whom you saw
get Oft at the last station. He was a
young man OF rare promise, a college
student, a man Of brilliant INTEL lect and
shrewd mercantile ability. He had some
money when he left the College. He in
vested it IN business and his business
prosp-red. He married beautiful girl,
who bore him three lovely children-n
The sad looking passenger, sitting on
the wood box: "All at one timer"
The red ribbon passenger; 'No, in
biennial instruments OF one. No one
dreamed that the poor-house would
ever be their home. But in an evil
hour the young man yielded to u g
tempter. He began to drink beer. He
liked it and drank more. lie drank
and encouraged others 10 drink. That
was only fourteen years ago, and he was
a prosperous, wealthy man. To-day,
where is her
The clergyman in the front seat
solemnly: "A sot and beggar."
The red ribbon man, disconsolately:
"Oh, no; he is memoer OF Cnnsre IS
and owns brewery worth $50, 900"
Sometimes it will happen that way.
THE OLD DUKE OF NORFOLK the
Prince Regents Duke Of Norfolk-was
wont to dress very shabbily, aud, 1t is
said, thought twice before washin.
himself. lie strolled late one eranin,
into the cou-e-room of the Old Hum
nuns, in Covent Garden, and ordered
dinner and cucum .r. 1t was the
middle Of winter. The waiter-a new
one-mistrusting the looks Of the gnes',
went to confer with the landlord.
There's that shabby old fellow" he
said, "has ordered a cucumber, and
YOU know, sir, that they're half a
guinea piece in the market" The
landlord peeped round the corner of his
it'll" private hatch, recognizing his
customer, rubbed his hands, and said to
his s"rvitor. "A cucumber, John A
cucumber' Yes, John, give him ski"
Tn. other day traveller had to pay
for ticket, costing three shillings and
sixpe, . with asovereign. minute
after leaving the booking Office Ee
fund the clerk had made a mistake,
and, r. turning, he said to him, "You
gave M he wrong change just now for
ticket to B. Very sorry, sir"
was the reply, you should have coun
tad it at the time. We never rectfv
errors after passengers hav. left the
counter. "The 'raveler protested, but in
vain. Every W.ll," he said at last,
you gave me shilling too much.
Good morning." The clerks voice vas
heard urgently calling, but in vain
the traveller was philosophising.
A littl~ EIko girl surprised a compa-
ny of visitors by her knowledge of the
Creators works. At the dinner table
she exclaimed "God made all things
in this big world in Just six DAYS. He
made me and every body else. He made
mamma, too, but He forgot to put any !
hair on her head, and papa had to bny
it for her." When the mother got
through interviewing the young miss
after the company had dispersed, the
little one wished she had been built
like a wash-boiler.
Said an elderly lady, remarkable for
her bluntness and asprrity, to an emi
nent Q. c., renowned for his atrabilious
sarcasm, What do you think of my
daughter to night, Mr.. ~ Don't you
think she loooks welli" "2eally, !
Lady X, am not competent to pro-
nounc- an opinion. | do not profess to
be- a judge OF painting. But have no
d)ubt she is angelic.' "Well, and
pray, Mr.. H.. did you ever see an angel
that was not painteds"
A young Boston man, who was r.
Gently rejected by his girl, Immediately
lost his appetite, and began to pine
away. His friends thought he would
soon be laid in the silent tomb; but
this autumn he went to the seaside and
saw the object Of his affections-or what
was left of her-in baggy flannel
suit and an old straw hat, bathing in
the surf. That man now eats three
hearty meals per day and big lunch.
He had broken his promise to marry
The girl, and her father wanted money
to help heal a wounded
heart. The young man said he would
consider a reasonable proposition.-
swell, then" said the irate father,
who was seeking justice for his dapgh-
ter, ''young man how does dollar and
a half strike you"
Abner Holmes disappeared from Milton,
Mass, and his friends feared that he
had been murdered for the money that
he was known to have carried. The
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