Connecticut western news., 1878-04-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT AND WISDOM.
 Meat for repentance-Mince meat.
 Moral cowardice is the curse of our race.
 We carry our greatest enemies with in us.
 The barber has all seasons for his hone.
 One frog is sufficient to make a spring.
 The whole thing in nutshell-the worm.
 When one will not, two cannot quarrel.
 A place suitable for reaection-Be- fore the mirror.
 Why is setting hen 8 rarityp Be- cause it's on nest. In what place are two heads better than one? In barrel.
 -Meanness is never so mean as when it smiles at another's woes.
 He but waters his soup who takes many words to tell @ short story. -OOIS Ol ldlAlS5 nIhh1ubb bAAOAA UO1AOV- Combing-yes, we're combing ]" Young women are advised to set good examples, because young men are always following them.
 The schoolboys in California when asked, "How is the earth divided ?" answer, "by earthquakes" -" Darling" said he, " lisp my name in accents tender" "Well," said she, sdoth thith theem to thuit."
 Value the friendship of h1m who stands by you in the storm. swarms of insects will surround you in the sum- shine.
 When you walk pray once when you go to sea, twice when you go to be married, three times-says Russian proverb.
 -Generosity-" Giving to others what you don't want yourself"-a little boys definition, but with not few older prac- tical endorsers.
 A Chicago clergyman startled his flock few Sunday evenings ago by tell ing them that ''heIl is not half so full of men and women as men and women are full of he'll" Not the surf beaten rock that lines the shores of ocean stands half so firmly as the truth. It will live and flourish | and will still be truth, when all the op- posers have perished and every rock is rolled from its bed. . -' What does 'transatlantic' mean, mamma ?" "Across the Atlantic, child. Hold your tongue and ask no more ques- tions.' "Then does transparent mean cross mamma ?" GHas to forfeit her slate and stand in the corner.)
 An eccentric banker was cycling with suspicion bill presented him for dis count. "You need not fear," said his palpitating customer, "one of the parties keeps his carriage" "Ah," reioined the banker, "I shall be glad if he keeps his feet"
 One night the master of the house overheard an exchange of kisses in the corridor he struck match and dis covered the chambermaid and the valet she blushed, held down her head and said "I thought it was you, sir, I had encountered" An absent minded Monroe, Conn. man went to church the other morning with his overcoat, as he supposed, on his arm, but the laughing of the people in the church called his attention to the garment, which was pair of trousers whose suspenders were dangling about his legs.
 A Western farmer being obliged to sell yoke ot oxen to pay his hired man, told him he could not keep him any longer. "Why," said the man, "I'u stay and take some of your COWS in the place of money" "But what shall do," said the farmer, "when my COWS and oxen are all gone ?" "Why, you can then work for me, and get them back"
 The Smithsonia villa, England. Time-breakfast. Captain Smith (read- ing news of war panic): "Ah, ha Gun powder in the air Now we volunteers will have some real service" Mrs. Smith (hysterically): "Oh, Charles, don't you think you had better -" Captain Smith: "What? Resign? Neyer-rl" Mrs. Smith "Oh, no, my dear, not resign, but see about the in- surance policy"
 The Methodist Episcopal pastor of a church in Sandlake, N. Y., surprised his people on Sunday last by making this announcement |" The Board of Trustees have not paid my salary, have taken no notice of my demands, circula- ted no subscription paper, nor made any effort to fulfill their obligation to me. am badly involved in debt, and do not propose to continue preaching for noth- ing. therefore declare the pulpit va- cant until God in his mercy can send you a minister who can live on air and wear