The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1878-08-20

nat know exactly what ala him, but
thinks It mast be hydrophobia, - the
sight Of . piece Of ice throws the
patient into the widest and moot
furious paroxysms.
Hat HLIRTArI0N.
4 New Scheme 70 Give the Boys
. Chance
: For the past two years there
has been . pleasant rivalry amony
literary people to devise . mode Of ex-
pressing the thoughts by certain signs
and acts % to be understood and read
by parties distant. To this end they
frst devised the handkerchief Irritation,
then the fan. and nov the glove. each
in turn becoming the more popular a.
they were invented. Among q certain
class, however. there was still vague,
uncertain sort Of deficiency q kind Of
undesirable sort Of lacking that fail
ed to cover the ground. A few Of
our yonng men had Oh gloves. and
Others were without faults, and still a
greater number were frequently un-
prepared to give . creditable hand
kerchief entertainment BY reason Of
the great washer-woman monopoly,
which is carried to such an extent in
cities. To meet this long-felt want
the Champion has designed 4 Irritation
with the hat, which will be duly en-
tered according to congress rs soon as
u feasible entrance to congress can be
effected.
In introducing Irritation with the
hat, il has been the experience Of
many Of our most proficient hirters
that il is better to raise the hat per-
pendicularly from the head a few
inches that the object Of your flirta-
ton may be satisfied Of the absence Of
bricks or other cutaneOus substances
which are sometimes fatal to the sue
cess Of your advances. The following
are the different interpretations
To wear the hat on the right eve
brow-Please stepto one side-l'm
bad.
To wear the hat on the left eyebrow.
Are you there, Morixrty?
To wear the hat ON the bridge of
the nose We are watched by the
police.
To wear the hat On the right ear
You will find my photograph on sale
with al the principal news dealers.
To wear the hat ON the lett earl
love you but livery teams and ice
cream are up 80 that it will be impos-
sible for me to carry ON the aquain-
tauce.
To carry the hat in the hand-Your
fathers financial condition is such
that it will not justify me. You need
not hope.
To place the hat on the back of the
head am yours; ask mother
Atohison Champion
That COMPOUNDED Five-year Old.
From the Mes York World.
/ A pretty little girl. about five years
old. with one of those sugar loaf hats.
modelled sitter Fra Diavolo'. was in the
Staten Island ierryboat West6eld.
last evening. In her train was weary.
looking. mlddle-aged lady. whom she
treated With condescensGu and called
"Auntie. After the young lady, had
founda comfortable seat in the bow Of
the boat she allowed her aunt to take
q camp.stool near BY. When the boat
started she began u systematic method
If torture To which the mihdle-agesl
lady submitted with wonderful resig-
nation.
"Is that water. auntie ?" she asked.
es my darling"
pointing to the bay.
ibid the rain make all that water ?"
mo. darling"
"Why didn't the rain make all tina,
water?".
'.Oh. the rain wouldn't affect it YOU
know"
why, wouldn't the rain feet it ?"
"Oh you understand that now"
"Why, can't understand il"
"Never mind do keep still. that's
dear auntie's head aches"
"What makes your head a ache,
auntie ?
The heat. l suppose"
"What makes the HEATH
The sun Of course. DEAR"
"What il the sun"
you know what the sun IL we'll
enough. I shan't answer that"
The little girl twisted uneasily in
her chair moment and then burst
out with the question
What makes horses bones?
IL don't know said the aunt in q
despairing tone.
II think they're made out Of skin,
said the little girl with an air Of CON-
viction. Eyes, they'er made out Of
skin an hair wool an rubber /; that's
what horses homes u made out Of.
"Yes, dear" said the shameless
woman.
III ny p gets that bones taken out
of his Lex he'll give me Is watch.
Would you have bone taken out Of
your lex, auntie?"
"You ridiculous child, Of course
not"
"Why not ??
"Oh, keep still"
The young w"msn then got up
and nearly fell over the rail into the
water. The aunt uttered . shreak,
and the writer, much against his will.
rescued the young lady.
Thank you, SIR, said the auut.
"What for ask the terrible infant.
"For nothing, said the rescuer.
Al 1890 A,po~ LITTLE