The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-04-04
'sla-
Miscellaneous.

Every dove mas cote, anu every "OS
pants.
The tender grass will soon be found
between the cowslips.
These are times when people are too
apt to lengthen their creed and shorten
the decalogue.
Bridgeport man, arrested for striking
his wife, Mary, admitted that Mary had
little lam.
Joaquin Miller is writing play, with
cannibal for hero. Ii is hoped that he
will fully enter into his subject.
"How to keep an umbrella" is the title
of "A newspaper article. We know. Dig
hole sixteen feet deep and bury it.
She was Irish, and sweet seventeen.
She said, Sooner than live on charity,
I'd beg from door to door"
A Texas Legislator moved to amend
dog law by exempting the dogs OF wild
ows and orphans and every other man.
IL you can't get the dollar Of your dad
dies, take your uncles or your grand
fathers Don't miss a good thing on
account Of remote relationship.
A youngster, perusing a chapter in
Genesis, turned to his mother and in
ouired IL people in those days nsed to do
sums on the ground He had been read.
ing the passage "And the sons OF men
multiplied upon the face OF the earth:
Charles" said she, to one of her Sun
day school class, mention some act oi
violence that was inflicted near the sea
about this time" Don't remember any
'cept Jonah was whalelaid on the shore.
A New Yorker ate Welsh rarebit and
drank six glasses Of lager before going to
bed He dreamt that he saw Bob lnger
soil in his night shirt, with pitchfork.
chasing the devil over an Illinois prairie
"Tm ashamed OF the age in which we
liver said Lowell maiden OF thirty
eight You may be ashamed of yours
but I'm not of mine" replied nineteen
year old companion. And it WASH I
much of nose that went up, either.
The editor Of the Boston Globe really
believes in the theory that the earth :
size il increased by meteor dust at the
rate of a ton day. So it is meteor dust,
is il, which makes the earth bulge up
toward you IA you walk home of an even
ing towards morning2
young man in New York consulted .
fortune-teller and asked what he should
do to succeed DO right was the an
swer He did write-his employer
name on a check, and is now in Europe
with twenty-five thousand dollars weigh
ing down his pants pocket
Miss Nellie: "Yes. The letter is al
right, Bridget; but don't wait any longer
If YOU 90 down the road, you are sure Il
nd hau N tail
yourself what your mother says. Bridget
'Shure, an that's thrue for ye, Mis-
Nellie. But what shall | tell her ii
don't meet her p
The latest is the white Ribbon" move
ment formed TO discourage the use @
tobacco Its motto is Dare To be d.
cent" and the pledge reads Il, the ur
dersigned, do hereby agree, with the bel
of Almighty God, never to chew, smok
or in any manner or form, use tobacco.
woman took her little one in he
arms to hear famous preacher. Th
loud voice from the platform awoke th
child and made il cry. and its mother -
up and was leaving the hall, when q
minister stopped her by saying: m
good woman, don't 20 away. The bat
doesn't disturb me-" ut isn't for tina
4
unconsciousuess of sarcasm. Its yc
disturb the baby"
clergyman in one OF the HudsC
River towns united German couple
marriage. When the knot was tied, q
bridegroom said: Dominic, I've got
monish; but II send you Won leetle pia
IL was done and the circumstance W
forgotten by the clergyman. Two yea
l, in
town, for the first time since the maria
ceremony was performed Dominic
said the German, you remembers y
married me- and | gave you Won lit
pieY Yes" well, if you'll unmaI
me, I'll give you two leetle pigs" -
We find the following passage in
speech OF an Elko, New, lawyer to a ju
"Here we have n physician who from
high and noble calling should be rega
ed as one who would scorn to stain
soul with perjury. But what did he
tify, gentlemen put the question
him plainly, Where was this man 81
bed {? And what was bis reply2
blushingly he replied that the man '
stabbed about one inch to the left of
uredial line, and yet we have proved
three unimpeachable witnesses that
was stabbed just below the Yol
America hosting works"
The sudden unpopularity of the pho
graph in Rome is all owing to Bubb
He bought the first phonograph e
owned in this city and it came by expi
Friday evening lie took it under
arm and stopped in at several places
discuss politics and things, and when
got home and attempted to exhibit
phouograph to his wife that depra
instrument remarked in several differ
tones. SET EN- up for the boys. bark'
err Whoop hoorayl Yer's luck.
the blowing fowl Who's afraid of
old woman2 r. No more phonograph'
Rome.