Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1878-04-03
THE AiL,Nc MAk.
8urdett's travelling Companion
VINO Had no Liyer to Speak OF.
- From the Burlipgtou HaMkeye. \

6uTdett's Travelling Companion
Who Had no Liyer to Speak OF.
From the Burlington Hawkeye.
| had such q pleasant companions Of
my way home from Aurora. HogS
on at Bristol and took dinner at tht
"Cosmopolitan." He sat with me a
dinner, and didn't seem to have mucf
appetite. He groaned when he tool
lup the bill of fare, aud sighed as ht
looked across the table at my order
and then shook his head dolefulfy
and told the waiter to bring him lit
tie boiled trout, with egg sauce; a BIZ
of boiled mutton, with caper sauce
some roast beef, a trife rare, just 8
taste of roast lamb, turkey with Gran.
berry sauce, mashed potatoes, roast
duck, some pork and beans Boston
style, stewed tomatoes, corn, turnips
squash, peas, q bit of cold tongue
some sharp relishes, and cup of cof.
fee. Then he ordered some assorted
cake, cranberry pie, Indian pudding
and ice cream for desert, and said he
felt darned sight moro like dying
than eating.
If he dies as well as he eats, jus,
imagine, just think, what a glorious,
triump phant death that man must die,
"Shortly after dinner the poor man
came into the coach, and sat down
opposite me.
"Ah," he said, witha deep groan
~ don't know what would give If
could eat like you"
"Sir." I said, in fine burst of in
ldignation, for I feared he was going
to accuse me of swallowing my knife
every time took bite of pie, and !
Just made up my mind that l would
cut his heart out If he limited at such
a thing.
"Oh, It's fact" he replied. II
haven't enjoyed a meal for years.
"Was it possible 2" asked in
amazement.
'Indeed, yes," he said, "Pm all out
of fix. I've got no liver at all, to
speak Of"
1 didn't suppose one liver would be
of any account to him, l rather
thought that if he could get couple
of gangs of livers, and work them by
reliefs, they might be able to help
him along, especially if he had them
made of tin. But then he was stran-
ger to me, so didn't feel justified in
making the suggestion.
"No," he continued, "my liver is OF
no more account than lump of lead.
l suppose" he said plaintively, "Its
as big as four of yours"
And he looked at me with an ap.
pealing glance, as though he expected
me to take my liver out and let him
examine it, as though it were an
oriode watch he wanted to traffic for.
Now, if there is anything in this
wide, beautiful world that will make
me mad, it is to have man who il
ailipg sit down and bore me with q
list of his diseases and detailed
description of his anatomical derange.
ments. And the men of free America
it seems to me, would rather talk
about their perishing livers than Their
never-dying souls, and it always
makes me mad for man to come al
me and burden me with complaints
about the torpidity Of his liver, al
though l were his physician. an
proud to confess to the blindest, dens
est ignorance concerning my own in
ner life. I don't know whether my
liver ia round or shaped like a gun
case, and / don't know where it is
and don't care continental, al
though always had the impression
that It was just under the shoulder
blades. So said to the man, with
very great enthusiasm
"Oh, do tell me all about your liv
er! should so like to know al
about it. I am so interested in sucf
things"
The man looked little surprised a
my sudden. enthusiasm but he sait
there wasn't much to tell about it. I
was as torpid, he said, as snake il
December.
"Oh, charming, charming y 1 ex
claimed. "And is it time? Do yor
let it run around loose or do you have
to keep it chained up?"
| The stranger started, and looked al
though he would like to sit little
further away. He said he didn't ex
actly understand me.
"And how is your spieen?" asked
eagerly, "and your ventricles! Ant
do tell me about your thoracic duet
and how do you get along with youl
tonsils? And have you raised an,
new bones since saw you last; ant
when did you hear from your dia
lphragm? Do tell me all about you
viscera make clinic OF yourself, ant
tell me the Christian names of you
bones and the appurtenancest thereun
to appertsining. Tell me =
| But he got up and slowly backed
out of the car, and the conducto
shortly afterward told me that tn
man with liver told him that tn
man who escaped from the asylum a
Jacksonville last week was in the rea
coach.