The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-08-03
VARIETIES.

VARIETIES.
Green apples strike below the belt.
The best Britannia metar'-Gold.
BARRIERS always predict short crops.
Let's put the thermometer at half
mast.
The whoop-skirt-Skirt of the In
dian country.
1.-The Columbia crew." Well, why
shouldn't they crowP
There was heavy frost last night.
In the Arctic region.
What is really needed is five-cent
cigar that will consume its own smoke.
IT'S said " money makes the man"
Yes, man is funny coined of creature,
anyhow.
-Lo, the poor dog, whose untutored
mind shifts not the killer sneaking up
behind.
The Kansas City Mail says the
council has passed 1.-THE long-prayed-
for hog ordinance"
We believe it will transpire direct
ly that Bald Mountain is a bigger erup-
ter than old Vesuvius.
When a man unused to labor joins
workingman's party it is presumed
he is working for an office.
When the East River bridge is
done people will call going to Brooklyn
making the grand tower"
Possibly truthful sign on a cheap
store: Don't go anywhere else to be
robbed-stay right in herer'
They have fashionable cremation
society in Indianapolis Its members
belong to the creme de Ia cremation.
Ben Franklin was a plagiarist. 1t
was hen that first set the example of
laying up something for rainy day."
Medical examination: "What is
there besides ether and chloroform to
produce unconsciousness?" Visiting
boy: "A club"
1t takes mighty old man to know
more than the STRIPPING who swaggers
along with his hat on the side of his
head thinks he knows.
An old Grecian philosopher advises
all men to know themselves. That's
suggesting to good many to form dis
reputable acquaintance.
=" WHAT'S the man yelling atp"
asked an Illinois farmer of his boy.
why chuckled the boy, "he's yell
ing at the top of his voice.
When boy bats ball through
parlor window the boy may not lose
his inning, but the man who owns the
window is invariably put out.
The Courier-Journal comes along
with the following timely recipe: The
very best remedy for frozen feet is cold
water. Plunge them right in"
Little bits of lemon,
Little chunks of ice,
Little water aud sugar,
Make man feel nice.
Boston Post
The Peekskill On. W Poundmaster
pays sixty cents head for stray dogs.
A tramp with eleven dogs in tow is a
cheerful sight for the political econo-
mist.
Queer advertisement from Edin-
burgh paper: "Brush Qong new wan
dered from Maria Gelletly's door.
Reward to whoever finds and fetches
back"
Schenectady is said to have SAB
widows. They are of the grass pattern,
undoubtedly, as the place has been
going that way for the last fifty years.
-Dan6ury Ne,Us.
What is the nature of the land
on the plantation?" asked Mr.. Rogers
of a colored witness in the Crafts case.
recently. Witness, solemnly, Good
natured land. "-Bosto:s Transcript.
The Trade-List calls Emperor
William "anether of those hateful
monopolists. He is enjoying almost
complete monopoly of the assassina-
ton business"
Paris Waiter: "Allow me to OBJ
serve, Monsieur, that you are putting
the silver articles in your pocket"
"Well! are they not comprised in the
dinner billP l thought by the charge
it included everything on the tabler'
Chief Joseph declines the PROPOSE
ton to send twelve of his young braves
to college. He fears that at College
they will learn to fight and shoot at
Sophomores and thus become blood
thirsty.
Old Salt" Be you agoing to paint
that there red-topped boat wonder,
mister?" Artist" Yes.' o. S.
"Then mayhap you'll be glad of some
of the paint we used on her last week."
London Fun.
When bridegroom finds all the
clothes he owns in the world hung one
over the other on hook behind the
pantry door, he realizes for the first
time that the honeymoon is over
AndretOs' Bazaar.
The European Congress wisely de-
cided not to attempt the election of a
suitable door-keeper. So we shall not
hear of any fellow writing home that
he is bigger man than old Kaiser Bill.
Washington Post.
-"Can l ask you a few questions
concerning the celebrated Damascus
steel?" is the way correspondent be-
gins his letter. Certainly; we don't
care Damascus anything you want to.
--BrookvtLte Democrat.
AT the depot the other day young
man put his head out of the car win
dow to kiss his girl good-by, when the
train pulled out so rapidly that he