Connecticut western news., 1878-10-16
WIT AND WISDOM.


 places.
 Samson was an eminent tragedian in his day, and in his last act brought down the house.
 What we wish to do we think we can do, but when we do not wish thing it becomes impossible.
 He who thinks too much of himself will be in danger of being forgotten by the rest of the world.
 -Affectation discovers sooner what one is than it makes known what one would fain appear to be.
 Show me a people whose trade is dishonest and will show you people whose religion is sham.
 A miser of sixty years old refuses himself necessaries that he may not want hem when he is hundred.
 An old bachelor is 0 traveller on life's railroad, who has entirely failed to make the proper connections. ..
 Seek to converse in purity with your own pure mind and with God. The first and highest purity is that of the soul.
 The foundation for the meanest man is laid when small boy turns the worm hole in an apple for his companion to bite from.
 Give full measure, when you meas ure, and weigh with just balance. Ex- pend not but according to the measure of your goods.
 A graveyard inscription in Kenne- bunk, Me, reads thus: "Poor Joe his head is level now, if it never was be- fore." This IS grave as well as a true remark.
 A white boy met colored lad the other day and asked him what he had such short nose for. "I spect so it won't poke itself into other peoples business"
 Power is not always proportionate to the will. One should be consulted before the other, but the generality of men begin by willing and act afterward as they can.
 Josh Billings says "When ayoung man ain't good for anything else, l like to see him carry gold-headed cane. If he can't buy cane, let him part his hair in the middle P
 -"Do you want cheeks with roses ?" asks a medical advertisement. No, we don't-no "cheek" with our roses, if you please. We get "cheek " with too many things nowadays.
 A stump speaker exclaimed: "I know no North, no South, no East, no West, fellow-citizens! "Then," ex- claimed an old farmer in the crowd, "It's time you went to school and larnt iography."
 --"Sam, you's learned in de law can you say if ole Lucifer was to lose his tail, where would he go to find anoder one? "Why, to de tabern, of course, you ignoramus-dat's de only place I knows on where dey retail bad spirits" "
 A married man in New Hampshire has adopted an original method of econo- my. One morning, recently, when he knew his wife would see him, he kissed the servant girl. The house expenses were instantly reduced $500 per year.
 From the time boy is eight years old until he is thirteen he devotes two solid hours of every day of his busy life to learning how to make new kind of noise. By the time he is thirteen years old he has accumulated noise enough to last him the rest of his natural life, and use three kinds of noises the same day, too.
 Dublin society has always been famous for nicknames. A few years ago a well-known western landlord, Lord Lieutenant of his county, went by the name Che was very short-sighted) of "Blind Hookey;" his wife, Lady Louisa (reported very free in her manner), was dubbed {" Unlimited Loo," and his heir ess "Chicken Hazard"
 He was an old, old man, and when he came in with Q twenty y-four-foot bam- boo fshpole and carelessly remarked that that was the kind of cornstalks his garuen produced in good season, we never said a word, but walked into the other room ana registered a solemn VOW never, never, to print any more agricul- tural items if it led men into such noun tainous exaggeration as this.
 The principal of a school at Man chester, N. H., during recess saw boy walking about outside the school-yard, called him in, asked him savagely if he didn't know it was against the rules to go outside the fence during school hours, received an affirmative answer, marched him into the building and gave him a sound feruling. He then discov- cred that the boy attended another school and was out on a holiday.
 They were having so much merri. ment at Rochester wedding that young man of the name of Link drew revolver and began in fun to terrify the young women guests with threats to shoot them. Pretty soon the weapon did go off, and the bullet went through Miss Libby Grush's cheek, knocked out three of her teeth, and lodged in the root of her tongue. That stopped the fun, and half the wedding guests went off with Link to testify in the police court that it was all an accident.