Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1878-08-17

The only people who really enjoy bad
health are the doctors.
LIGHTNING mightdo more sometimes
if it wasn't in such an awful hurry.
IRATE PASSENGER. "Driver, why
don't you whip your horses ?" Driver.
"Well, you see, sir, my dogs gettin' fat,
and he's tollerin' behind; exercise dees
him good; but if drive too fast he can't
keep up with US"
A REALISTIC hanging scene is intro
duced in Jack Sheppard" az PLAYED in
the Bella Union theater, San Francisco,
Jack is hanged on a gallows, falling
through trap in the usual way, and Is
cut down by Bueskin. The theater is
crowded every evening.
In the second book of the bible we
read that " ShImrach ran violently for
ward, fell upon his face, and threw dust
upon his head" --just here the report
breaks off short, and we are left in pain
full doubt as to whether the ancient
Shimrach reached aecond-base or not.
A CORRESPONDENT suggests the con-
structien Of prCjectiles on the principle
of the boomerang, for reaching an enemy
behind earthworks or embankments.
The usual way Of surmounting obstacles
of this sort is to make the balls bounce
over the parapet after first striking the
ground.
In 1873 Europe underwent q vista
tion Of grasshoppers far worse than that
experienced here. They are referred to
in Spanish and German monastic
archives, and are described as having
hidden the sun, and devoured crops on
one hundred acres in one hour. After
devastating France they were supposed
to have persisted in the Atlantic.
EDISON married factory girl, ten
minutes after asking her to be his wife.
Then he went down to the factory and
worked all night on an invention, fOr>
getting all about being married till one
of the boys called his attention to the
fact. He is as absent minded as the
minister who blew the foam off a glass
of water in the pulpit before taking a
drink.
A LITTLE Maine chap was taken to
church for the first time where the min
lister oficiated in a surplice. He was
continuously fdgcting and asking, "NIs,
is he not done ~ Tie minister stood up
to make the closing prayer, raising his
hands, when the little fellow turned to
his mother, with horror pictured on his
face, saying, "Ma, he is swelling up
again. Leslie's Sunday Magazine.
A SIMPLE fire escape has been recently
invented, its object being to catch per-
sons who are compelled to precipitate
themselves from the upper stories of
burning buildings 1t consists simply
OF & net sustained on poles, which are
held up by persons on the ground.
Contriyances OF this kind kept at police
stations ready for instant use on alarm
of fire, might be the means of saving
many lives.
"MAxDls is what ails me-" he said to
the judge Maxims busted me wide
open" The court said he would like an
explanation before fixing the fine.
Well, Your Honor" said the prisoner,
81 drank rye whisky and didn't get
drunk. I remembered that maxim, try,
try again tried rye again--" " Here
that's enough of that" thundered the
court, " this amt no circus ring Three
and costs"
AN architectural photograph of large
building has been taken in Dundee,
Scotland by means of the light from a
dynamo electric machine of a power
equal to eight hundred candles The
view was taken by fifteen minutes ex-
posure in crowded thOroughfare, dur
ing a drenching rain, and within an hour
of midnight. The pho ogrsph could not
have been taken 50 well by daylight, for
the falling rain would have obscured it.
THERE are some romantic young ladies
still in existence, who prefer sentiment to
the curiously cynical and knowing tone
which is widely prevalent just now. A
poeticsl girl obtained the other day in
London the desire of her heart--she met
Tennyson the Laureate, at dinner, and
the sympathetic hostess even arranged
that she should be placed next to him.
One remark, and one alone, did the poet
address to the gushing maiden at his side
and it was this: 81 like my mutton cut
in wedges"
AN honest Mohammedan says: "God
has given to you English many excellent
gifts. You build fine houses and splendid
ships of war and commerce that sail
across the seas. You make fine cloth
and cotton and sharp pen-knives, and
you write many learned books, dictlon>
aries and grammars. All this is the gift
of God; but there is one thing which
God has hidden from you and bas re.
vealed to us, and that is, the knowledge
of the only true religion by which man
can be saved.
BARBER-"How long ago did you
have your hair cut?' Customer
about three months ago." Barber
"Awful bad cut. Who did it ?" Gus
tomer-"You did" Silence of about
ten minutes. Barber (having somewhat
recovered his nerve)-"I see that your
chin has been cut by the last barber that
shaved you" Customer-"Yes." Bar,
ber--"You ought to have built a head
on him bigger'n mule" Customer
81 did" Barber continues to shave
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