Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-09-28
Burlington Hawk-eyeee0s.

John Jasper 10 right. The sun doss
movs. and IL .su't more than . mile aud q
half a~sy.
This kind of weather, thermomeser q
hundred and enough in Tia shade, 10
what wrecks the faith Of mankind in pa.
per liars.
The photograph has been improved
ana carried to such degree If perfection
that you can smell whisky On it. breath
when il talks.
II startIes the intellectual classes ~heu
the pArAgrapher, cosnered far something
to I'LL out ~ith, makes HAVE rhy me ~ith
'.palAver."
There hasn't been . tramp sunstruck in
the United States for more than coo
years. There is something for people
who work for living To think about.
Robert Ingersoll wept when he heard
some Que sing In the sweet by and by. ~
Ills tears have oil been explained. He
thought she Fang, -ln this heat by and By"
The weather is 90 in,olerably hot that
if the election should come II to- NOR.
row there isn't . man in this district
could stand it to shake hands enough to
elect him To congrcss.
A woman in La Grange, Tennessee, has
pet goose, nineteen years old. 1t il so
old you would think il must be awful
tough, but now, every day that woman
has time to tend her goose.
1t is said the New York Sua hDade
$4,000 last year. While We may differ
with the Sun On some political points, We
feel, day 10y day, growing respect for
that able and influential journal.
1t is all well enough for the city to
levy tax on dogs; there is some revenue
in that, but what does the city make out
of attacks on catsi Aud yet they are
made, unsucccssfully, every summer
night.
When u fat man meets Alexander ii.
Stephens on the streets during the heated
days, he turns and looks after the upper.
spring minority and worships him as
one favored and petted of the gods.
The remains of ex- President Taylor
have been buried in three different
graves, and it is said they will soon be
removed TO fourth. They seem to be
as restless as modern corpse trying to
get away from the medical students.
1t was rather nasty in young Mr.. Jos.
kins to suspect his washerwoman of in
toxication, just because she sent hiowash-
ing home with all the eyelet buttons of
his white vest screwed up the back of his
linen duster. She may have been affected
by the heat.
An eminent geographer told Stanley
Matthews that the earth was f1attened at
the poles. The statesman fell into fit
of deep thought. "Singular," he said at
last, "strange that it should be so; very
strange; I don't remember ever having
stopped there"
It is generally believed that the
"Whitebreast Coal and Mining company"
Of this city, is so called because all the
miners in its employ wear boiled shirts,
work. days and Sundays. This is mis-.
take, however, the name OF the mine has
no reference to the alabastsr bosoms of
the miners.
Perhaps the most reckless display Of
courage in these degenerate days are to
be seen when the daily papers call burg
lars and all other daring characters all
sorts of insulting, maddening names and
epithets. We have seen an editor who
wasn't more than five feet high, and only
weighed one hundred and eleven pounds,
sit down and call the most reckless horse
thief in the State, ian Infamous scoun.
drel and cowardly blackleg," and then
recklessly hope that "the lawlcss villain
might soon get caught"
''The difference between man and a
beer keg," said Crinoid to Trilobite, sis
this, the man gets bungcd up because he
gets full, and the beer key" Here he
made q long pause, aud Tiilobite said it
in the two cases, than difference. Cri-
mold said it truly looked that way to him
now, although that wasn't the way he
thought it out at first, and it didn't ex-
actly suit him. At this juncture they
passed store in which was displayed
one of Philip Best's Milwaukee Their
mometers, and they went inside to see
how hot it was.
A party of serenaders' halted on Bound
airy street the other night, touched the
light guitar and struck up, with great
feeling, "Come where my love lies dream
ing" and then great bush-headed
wretch, forty-eight years. old, with
beard like II thickct, leaned out of the
window and said, in a loud, coarse, I'M
feeling manner. "Young gentlemen, you
mistake, she isn't dreaming. Far from
her be it to dream, or even sleep. She's
sitting on the back porch, with her feet
in tub of Sistern water, drinking iced
lemoLade and fighting mosquitoes with
palm leaf fan, aud she isn't dressed fol
company Sing something true" But
long ere he ceased to speak, the summer
night was still, the front yard WIS empty
and the voice Of the passed. tree and harp
no more awoke the night in melody.
Yesterday non1 a CONJUNCTION was Oh
served ia farmers wagon on WOODWARD
avenue, near Davenport street, and citi
ZEN advanced 20 discover that the farmel
and his wife were having a regular old
fashioned domestic fight in the bottom
Of the wagon, while the horses we're cat
ing grass over the earbstones-
.'Hefs-~hzs's 20 pay" shouted tn
Citizen as he climbed upcn the Wheel
sFfShsio'r- rx~sres} the uonxn. Who's