The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-10-26
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
lady, joking about her nose, said g had
nothing to do in shaping it. IL was birthday
present.
colored preacher in Norwich a while ago
gave out the following announcement 90 Bro
theirs and sisters, next Sunday, the Lord willing,
there Will be baptizing in this place, the candl-
dates being four adults and three adultresses."
Little Johnny Dibbs ran into the house the
other day while the mercury was hugging %,
with perspiration streaming from every pore,
and shouted 50 Mamma mamma fix me
I'm leaking all over l''-CiHcinHdti Breakfast
Table.
A teacher in district school in Newton,
Iowa, said to n small boy during school hours,
80 Come Come you'll have to study harder,
you never be President" Small boy
replied (" don't expect to be President: ::
I'm democrat"
Mr. Beecher ayows himself Grant man
first, last and all the time and he says that
fifty years hence Americans will be glad to know
that, historically, Grant is one of our greatest
and wisest men. Mr.. Beecher thinks that if
st. Paul were alive he would be n Darwinian
eVolutiOnist.
An absent minded editor courted a girl and
applied to her father the old man said; " Well,
you want nv daughter; what kind of settle
mcnt will you make ? What will you give her ?''
'' Give her." replied the other, looking up
vaeantly. ''O Oh Ill give her puff. g lake
her, replied the father.
Do not be too moral you may cheat your
self out Of much life So Aim above morality.
BE not simply good; be good for something.
Let nothing come between you and the light.
Respect men as brothers only. When you
f,I lott If
introduction. When you knock, ask to see
God, none of the servants.-H. ID. IhOreaU.
Paris paper: 50 If should marry Eliza Jane,''
SD the prospective son-in-law, - should
frankly confess one thing in adyance-l am OF
rather hasty temper and apt to get mad with
out cause" "Oh, that'll be all right" bland
Iy replied the dear old lady ' L shall go and
live with you, and I'll see that you'll always
have cause"
ST. Louis Journal The good slammeth
the front door and maketh noise, for his heart
is without guile and he feareth not the grievous
words of his wife; but the naughty man shut
teth the gate softly and stealeth up stairs in
his stocking feet, and stumbleth over the rock
ing chair, and the last condition of that man is
worse that the first.
These days strongly remind one of the beach
and surf and a good plunge into the latter.
And speaking Of bathing, our venerable friend
Mrs Partington" says some persons can battle
with perfect impurity In water as cold as Green
lands icy mountains and India's coral strands,
but for her own part she prefers TO have the
water little torpid.
4 Scotch murderer was acquitted two weeks
ago in Edinburg, the ground that he was
asleep when he seized his wife by the throat,
and choked her to death. Henpecked husbands
should make note of this We anticipate a
revival in the bedstead business, caused by the
demand from wives who think it healthier to
sleep alone.
That happy response of General Grant
when at Jerusalem \ committee of citizens
came out to meet him and to tender him pub
lie reception. He replied. IS Not in sight of
n contemporary the remark of Douglas Jcrrold,
who, when told by red republican in Paris
that Louis Blanc was next to Christ, naiyely
asked, '' Which side?''
Two Germans met in San Francisco recently.
After an affectlonate greeting the following
dialogue ensued :-'' Fen you said you hef
arrived ?" . Yesterday - You come dot
horn around p :. No." g Oh see, you come
dot isthmus across?'' 80 Mo- - Oh den you
come dot land ofer?" 's No." ''Den you hef
not arrived ?'' 81 Oh, yes! | hef arrived [
come dot Mexico through
=. And you have no other ?'' asked a
curious lady of bronzed old sea captain. - Oh,
YES, madam, L had one that lived in the South
Sea Islands for nearly dozen years '' Really !,
Was he bred there and what was his tastc-the
sea or land ?'' ss No, madam, he wasn't bread
he was meat; leastwise the natives ate him.
and as for his taste, the chief said he tasted of
terbacker." The lady walked to another part of
the ship, and the captain smiled and took a fresh
quid.
Fureka Sentinel: She waltzed into the store
and stepping up to the counter, asked to be al
lowed to look at some corsets. The clerk hap
pened to be an exceedingly bashful young man,
but he managed to get down the box and opened
the goods for inspection. Selecting one, the
lady asked if she could try it on, and was shown
to n room ut the rear end of the store; but when
she called out to the clerk to come and help ad-
lust it, he gave one desparing look at the sur
roundings, seized his hat and departed fOr-Nir-
pinia City. Over there, modest young men are
appreciated.
Dennis said an Irish-American, just out
Of Harvard, to the great sand-lot orator in BOs-
ton, the other day, '' what makes you always
call Butler the White-plum Navarro? Don't
you know you should pronounce 1t plumed! "Is
that it ?' said Kearney; sure thought 1t was a
plum he was-a white plum. L seen EN- IN
CaIeforny." IS Well then, Dinnis, what did
vou think Navarro was 2'' 50 Faith, L didn't
hev an idee. Navarro is the woman, suppose
that first planted the plum in this country
In nv next speech was goin' to elude to her
and tell the workingmen they must plant theiI
white plum at the ballot box. An sure, fwha
IA n plumed?'' Just at this point Irish
washerwOman brought in brown linen coat
which she had starched, per instructions, sc
that it would come off hard, and with grea
rustle To her the orator said s. Me gooC
woman, employ no snake-like and Shiny leper