The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1878-07-03
HALF AN HOUR OF AGONY.
Fir. ThumbIedirkss Terrible Predica-
ment.

Yesterday afternoon Mr.. Jasper
Thumbledirk, who is torty-three
years old and unmarried, dashed into
our sanctum and evolved a remark,
the intensity of which fairly made
our blood curdle. And when he
completed the remark, which was
neither very long nor remarkably
complicated, he picked up a dictiona-
ry, hurled it at the proof reader with
great asperity, and before that good
natured and greatly abused angel of
the editorial staff could recover from
his emotion and get his umbrella Mr..
Thumbledirk was gone. He dashed
ont of the door, missed the stairway
and stepped down the elevator, fall
ing distance of three stories, but he
was too mad and excited to get hurt,
and we heard him rushing away
down the alley, yelling and swearing
till he was out of sight and hearing.
AS he is usually very severe man,
of habitual reserve, very particular
and guarded in his language, we were
amazed not only at his words, for
which his excited manner afforded
not the slightest explanation. Dur
ing the day, however, we became
possessed of certain facts which may
g = 60. eIenz. To. the !
causes of this worthy and respectable
citizens violent and disrespectful
manner and language.
1t appears that about 2 o'clock in
the afternoon, Mr. Thumbledirk drop
ped in at the Union depot to ask
some questions relative to the arrival
and departure of trains, and while
passing through the ladies' waiting
room, he was accosted by a lady ac-
quaintance who was going east on the
T. p. & w. at halfpast two. She
wished to go up town to make some
little purchases, but didn't want to
take her baby out in the rain. Would
Mr.. Thumbledirk please hold it for
her until she came back? She wouldn't
be gone more than five minutes, and
little Earnest was just as good as an
angel, and beside, he was sound
asleep.
Mr.. Thumbledirk, with a strange
futter of his feelings, lied, and said he
would be only too delighted. Then
be took the baby, and the ticket
agent, who has two, knew by the
manner in which the man took the
baby and looked anxiously from one
end of it to the other to see which
end the head was on, that he had
never handled a human baby before
in all his life, and promptly closed
his window to shut out the trouble
that he knew was on the eve Of an
eruption.
Mr.. Thumbledirk is very tall,
dignified man. He was rather an
noyed as the mother disappeared
through the door to observe that all
the women in the waiting room were
intently regarding him with various
expressions, curiosity predominating.
He sat down and bent his arms at
the elbows until they resembled in
shape two letters VS. with the baby
lying neck and heels in the angle at
the elbows, and he looked, and he felt
that he looked, like the hideous pic
lures of Moloch in the old Sunday
School book.
Mr. Thumbledirk felt keenly that
he was an object of curiosity and lily
repressed mirth to the women around
him. Now dignifed man does not
enjoy being laughing stock for any
body, and it is especially humiliating
for him to feel that he appears ride
ulous in the eyes of women. This
feeling is intensified when the man
is bachelor, and knows he is a little
awkward and i'll at ease in the pres