The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1878-05-17
Irish Pleasantries.

--- - -N-------~--S9h
If the walls of the Dublin 'Four
Courts" could speak, how many a pleas
ant story and witty repartee and spark
ing OoHnlot they could tell Let me
recall and string together some of these
pearls OF anecdOte and wit, some Of
which, though perhaps not altogether
new TO lovers Of anecdote, may we'll
bear repetition.
The first Nlscount Guiliamore, when
Chief Baron OGrady, was remarkable
for his dry humor aud biting wit. The
latter was so fine that its sarcasm was
often unperceived by the object against
whom the shaft was directed.
A legal friend, extremely studiOus,
but in conversation notOriOusly dull,
was once showing off to him his newly
built house. The bOOkwOrm prided
himself especially on sanctum be had
cOntrived for his own use, so secluded
from the rest Of the building that he
could pore over ais books in private
quite secure from disturbance.
Capital - exclaimed the Chief
Baron. "YOu surely could, my dear
fellow, read and study here from morn
ing till night, and no human being be
one bit the JUiserW
In those days, before competitive ex-
aminatiOns were known, men with
more interest than brains got good aP-
pOiutments, for the duties of which they
were wholly incompetent. OF such was
the Honorable --. He was tell
ing Lord Guillamore of the summary
way in which he disposed of matters in
his court
81 say to the fellows that are bother
ing with foolish arguments, that there's
no use in wasting my time and their
breath; for that all their talk just goes
in at one ear and out at the other"
mo great wonder in that" said
O'Grady, "seeing that there's so little
between to stop it,"
The father of the Lord Chancellor
afterward Lord Pluuket-was q very
simple minded man. Kindly and un-
suspicious, he was often imposed upOui
aud the Chancellor used to tell endless
stories illustrative of his parents guile
less nature.
One morning Mr.. Plunket, taking an
early walk, was OveTtaken by two re-
spectable-lOOkiug men, carpenters ap-
pareutly by trade each carrying the i'm
plemeuts of his work.
"GOod-mOruiug, my friends" said the
old gentleman; "ynu are early afOOt.
Going on a jOb, eh ?n
"Good-morrow kindly, sir. Yes, we
are, and quare job, too-the quarest
and most OUt-Of-the-way you ever heard
of, I'll be bound, though you've lived
long in the world, and heard aud read Of
many a thing. Oh, you'll never guess
il, your honor, so l may as well tell at
once. We're going to cut the legs of
dead man,
"What :" cried his hearer, aghast.
"You don't mean"
"Yes, indeed; tits true for me; and
here's how # came about. Poor Mary
Neirs husband-a carpenter like our
selves, and an old cOmrade-has been
sick ali the winter, and departed life
last Tuesday. What with the grief aud
the being left on the wide world with
her five orphans, aud no one to earn bit
or sup for them, the craytlTur is fairly
out of aT miud-stupid from the crying
u,i,,! .is- frs. tnr what soas she %. poor
woman, bat send the wrong measure
for the coffin, ami when il come home il
was ever so much too short Barney
Neil was tall nan-nigh six feet we
reckOned him. He couldn't be got into
it, do what they would, and the poor
craythUr hadn't what would buy
another. Where would she get it, after
the long sickness himself had, and with
five childer to feed and clOthe? So,
your honor, all that's in il is TO cut the
legs of him. Ne and my eOmrade here
is going to do il for the desolate woman.
Wen just take 'em of at the knee joints
and lay them alongside him in the
coffin. l think, sir, now I've told you
our job, you'll say tits the quarest ever
you heard Of"
ooh 81 cried the old gentleman, "such
a thing must not be done. It's impos-
sible How much will a new coffin
cost ?n
The carpenter named the sum, which
was Immediately bestowed on him,
with iujuuctions to proceed forthwith in
the necessary purchase.
The business, however, took quite an
unexpected turn. Mr.. Plunket, on his
return home, related his matutinal ad-
venture to bis family at breakfast, the
I future Chancellor, then a young bar
rister, being at the table. Before the
meal was ended the carpenters made
their appearance, and with many apOl-
ogies rendered back the coin they had
| received. He who had been spokesman
/ in the morning explained that, on see
/ ing the gentlemen in advance of them
on the road, he had for a lark made a
bet with his companion that he would
obtain the money, which, having won
| his wager, he now refunded. Genuine
Irish this.