Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1878-10-18
HE WROTE FUNNY.
Bnt was Willing TO Try Serious Matters
A Horrible Downfall.

griD-sack into the corner, tnat looked as
thin as religious devotee after Lent,
and as dilapidated rs custard pie af-
ter u picnic, because il you are want
to talk TO you; and if you amt, ! want
you to show me the man who is."
He was informed that he was now
speaking to the deity Of the local de-
partment.
"You are the very man, sir, ! want To
see; you see, I'm funny man, and /
want to write something funny for your
paper, something, you know, that Will
make men forget their SORROWS and af
aictons, something that will make peo-
pie happier, and turn up the silver edge
OF the dingy old cumulus that shadows
the armament of many weary, worm
out soul, something that will make q
man hilarious IN his hours Of trial, and
joyous when the vuturc Of despair il
picking out chunks Of his vitals like u
patent stcam-shoyel in n gravel-bank-
somethlng-but you know, III your pc
sition, the demand Of tho people for
more comedy and less tragedy, more
fun and less fury. Never-more-bu
why extend my remarksg You know
all, and don't you think you could find II
place for mo on your paper Salary Is
no object. What ! want isa place to be
useful, a stepping-stone TO higher
things" Tho boss" thought the stran-
ger was right in his views Of taking the
sunny side of life, and being happy
while we could, and acknowledging that
there was demand for light literature
Of tho purcr variety told the funny man
IA, ,At,Il ,tlt No and M t 4
With an alacrity that was born ofgen-
ius,h eborrowed II pencil.a knife to sharp
en- il with, chew Of tobacco, and,
taking the first empty chair and desk
in reach, announced himself rs ready
for biz.
"Wcll," remarked the city editor"
I've don't want everything funny some
times we may want something Of i
serious character written up, and then
Of cotrse you are to exercise your
Judgment and shape il accordingly"
Certainly, certainly" he said +"
know how to DO solemn; I've been ut
funerals, and hangings, and weddings,
and sudden deaths, and suicides. and
have seen emotional dramas and all
those things, and my melancholy eX-
preston and sympathetic style never
failcd to excite tho highest cncom-
iums."
Every well, then here are some mem
oranda which i want you to write up
and put in there for the first edition.
This il one ON the death Of Jacob
Smith, ono on IL case Of fearful mai
treatment Of wife and child by il
drunken husband, and wedding. The
verses contain the particulars Now
write 'em upand mind you get them
right"
III tie course Of m hour he submitted
IL pilc of manuscript, and this is what
the serio-comic stranger had written:
ON THE DEATH or MIR. JACOB SMITH.
cstcrdny ut 1 o'clock l.. M. death
invaded tho household Of this cstmablo
gentleman, and, finding him lying Hat
on his back in u front room up stairs,
whilo his wife was out to the drcssmak-
ers trying on " new silk dress, he wrest-
led with Jacob, GRECO Roman style, and |
got him down worse than you ever heard |
of in fact completely got away with |
him. and Jake had to pass in his checks |
and waltz along with the old gentleman
over into tho promised land llis
tJacob's) wife, beng otherwise engaged,
us before stated, he called for the SER
want girl and told her how he felt.
Says he: "Im called md can't ante,
and the lig's up Fix me iii good trim
when tho undertaken calls, and put d
copy of u comic almanac in my breast
pocket, SO that can read on the way
over. Give me plain wood |
on box, SO that the difference
in price can 50 toward pay
ing for last months rent, and don't have
Il big funeral, for | never could stand
extravaganza. I'd like to have red
coffin, though, for red suits my COM
plexion. Tell the old lady good-by, and
say to her can't leave my address very
well, but when sho comes after me she
mustn't fail to hunt up the stopping
place of Jacob Smith. Goodbye. Ta-
tn Skip the gutter" And that was
the end Of Jacob. lie leaves u large
family, good-looking wife, and big
mortgage ON his property, but Jake
doesn't bother his mind over anything
ON his side OF the SUMMARY sphere any
longer. n pltuabuS moi meDlelto talunl.
Tho next ono was about the
FAMILY kOA,
and read:
To-day about 10 o'clock the elegant
uptown neighborhood were pleased
and gratliod to hear the piercing
shrcks Of il woman and child who were
receiving charming and magnanimous
beating Ivy the husband and father, who
had been partaking of the genial and
generous quality Of rich rcd wine ut his
aristocrntic club down town. Theman's
name was Jones, and il nppcnrs the