River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1878-11-21
WITICISMS.

| 1t NAV be said in all ser iousness that
| Jonah had more occasions aud better
place to blubber than any other man who
ever lived.
| "Baby Mines sire has arrived at home
and had TO get up after paregoric eleven
times the first night. He is going back
across the sea.
We can tell you one thing: The source
| from which comes the milk of human
kindness needs better fodder and more OF
it.-Detrod Pest and Tribune.
Shat makes the bays love Mary 80
The children al did cry;
Why Mary loves the boys you know,
That is the reason why.
Its amusiRg 10 see an abused street
dog fly around an adjacent corner with
his tail closely reeied when six foot
female sud aeniy stoops TO pick up her
trail.
1t is an interesting sight watching a
young lady in Sunday school endeavor-
ing 10 instruct a class of little girls, while
her own mind is centercd upon class of
big boys.
We lose confidence in the woman, be
she ever so amiable, who celebrates the
anniversary of her wedding regularly, but
dsregards tho yearly recurrence of her
birthday.
A Washington lady who sent one of her
husbands coats to the yellow fever suffer
ers, pinned a note on the callar request
ing If it didn't fit 1t should be sent back.
- Washington Post.
Tbay ale ,,non tha stoon ttts nfuhf
Her curls upon his bosom lie;
The moon Is shining soft and bright
The while she whispers coy and shy:
80, George, tbs time 10 shoot that white
necktie."
$50 to the ant" was said to the slug.
gard, brt let an ant go to the sluegard
and crawl up bis trousers leg and that
sluggari will cast aside his sloth so long
as the ant abide with him.
Berieved relatives, WHO send in long
and very flAtteIing piece of obituary pc
etry, ask, "Do you think we could add
anything more2' Yes, you might add
tiye-doilar bill as guaranty of good
faith Rome N. ~ Sentinel
A political speaker, after the nomina-
tons had been made, exclaimed "Fhe
battle is now opened. Let every man
do his duty But the compositor made
it 'tha bottle is nov opened!' and then
the other side had their inings.
Young man,if you want to prohibit the
mosquitoes from troubling voE, get fair
p rincr. Get ore 50 sweet that they ii do
all their singing on her side of the bed.
You C IN snore and enjoy yourself while
she's knocking holes in the air with her
dear little fists.
1t has been remarked that women never
sleep in church, an inquiry is made as TO
the reason of their wakefulness. If man
were compelled to make an inventory,
during the one hour of church service, of
the dry goods displayed upon the ladies,
he would Immediately understand the
reason why women never sleep In church.
A late eminent Judge vino was fond of
county sports, having one day erred q
field of turnips in pursuit of game, the
| farmer, seeing him, ordered him out with
all possible speed. AS the farmer spoke
in al angry and excited manner, the
sportsman said, You surely are not aware
to whom you are speaking.
/ DIR. johnson had habit of eating very
fast. and using his fingers in place of q
| fork. One day the cyDic was dining with
company, when young would be vii
remarked, "Doctor, you remind me oil
Nebuchadnezzar.' Observation-Disclosures,
replied the doctor, his mouth full o
victuals, ''ah, yes. That's because I'm
eating with brutes."
Visitor from the country at the door Of
a Southside residence to German mex
door: Jane not at home, did you say Z
| German-"N Chances nod at home.
Visitor-"Wher is sheln German "She'
gone der cemetery down. when vii
she come backi" German-"Oh, sht
wont come back already any more; She;
gone to stay; she's det."
A mother was trying to break her five
year-old boy of a habit OF lying by tell
ing him that all liars went to hell. Sh,
gave him moving account of the terror
of the place. whereupon he exclaimed
why, mother, couldn't stan IT." "Bu
you would be made TO stand it," said she
"Oh' well,n said the youngster, 'if
could stan it | don't care.
"pa.'' said youthful rustic, rising from
picking up apples and softly rubbing hi
back against the tree, II ken do then
slight hand p'formenses; when grow al
I'm goin' to be prestidigitater.n HIN,
replied the paternal with vehement con
tempt; "you keep to work. Bout mex
month you'll be pressed TO dig later VI
in tho corner lot Graphic.
Very young-very polite, but yer,
nervous he trod on lady's foot as he en-
tered the car.
"a thousand pafdonsl Have I hur
your
mot at all, sir
II am very sorryir
A moments reflection, and nervous
ness set in and everybody seemed pleas
. ed but him.
II aw dreamed last night said he t
her whom be bored greatly by his atten
tions, "that laid ia wait for man wit
an immense sum OF money, aud knocke,
his bwains out. and then ROBBED him O
his wealth. aThere would have bee
. more merit in the theft il ven had stole
the braiEs, !" replied She Gwcat heavens
; what would have done with themir Sh
gave it up.
Boston Transcrlpt: A Courtship seen,
= George oh, Angelinal idol Of 10
being star of my souls existence. Oh
! alb, ! Angelina
oh, dearestl Ali ho
-. -, How nice. -
/. Just one more ! - tOId ma
!. enters snddanly) ---- -
sll ~ - - ;Oh, pi
! donf)l But be did.
tsTs the doctnr inss asked an any.