Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-07-12
FL n !!

THE WILD WATERMELON.-"Loo yer
boy" said Uncle Remus yesterday. stop
ping near the railroad crossing on White
hall street and gazing ferociously at small
colored youth who does Lewis Clark's out
side business, ''Look yer, boy, I'll lay yer
cut fiat eff you come flingin' yo' watermll-
lion rimes under my f0ot-you watch ct L
don't. You KIN play yo' pranks on desc
ERE wife folks, but wen you come cut
in ND yo' capers roun' me yo'll LAM right
in de middle Nv er spell er sickness now
YOU mine wat 1 tell you. An l amt
gwine fer ter put up wild none er yo' sass
ness, nudder-let lone fiingin' waterm;l-
lion rimes whar kin get MKT up wild UNI.
I done had huff watermillions yistiday an
de day befo'.''
'sHow was that, Uncle Remus p asked
a gentleman standing.near.
ssHit wuz sorter like dis, boss. Las
Chuesday Mars John he fetched home two
er deze yer Flurridy watermillions, an
him an Miss Sally sot down fer ter eat
um. Mars John an Miss Sally amt got
nuthing dat's too good fer me, an de fus
news know'd, Miss Sally wux hollefin
fer Remus. I done smelt de watermillion
on de ar, an amt got no better sense
dan fer ter go wen hears wife folks a
hollerin-I larnt dat wen [ wuzzent so
high. Leastways, galloped up to de back
po'ch, an dar sot de watermillions jes ez
natchul ez if dey'd er bin raised on de ole
Spivey place in Putmon county. Den Miss
sally she cut me off er slishe-wunner deze
yer ungodly slishes, big ez yo' hat. an sot
down on de steps an wrop myself roun' de
whole bessie chunk, 'cepin' de rime." I'm
Gle Remus pasued and laid his hand upon
his stomach as if feeling for something.
''Well, old man. what then?"
s'Dat's wat I'm gcttin' at, boss, - said
Uncle Remus, smiling feeble smile. 81
santered roun' bout er half hour an den
I begin fer ter feel sorter squeemish-
ter like don bin an swoller'd bout TO-
poun's off'n de ruff eend Nv er scantlin'.
Look like ter me dat I wuz gwinter be
sick, an den hit looked like 1 wuzzent.
Bimeby little pain showed lis head an
sorter m 'andered round like he wuz look
in for a good place fer ter ketch holt, an
den great big pain jump up an take ar
ter de little one an chase i'm round an
he mus er kotch 'um, case bimeby de big
pain ratch down an grab dis yer lef' leg
so-an' haul i'm up, an den he reich down
an grab de udder one an pull i'm up, an
den de war bugun sho huff. For mighty
nigh fo' hours dey KEEP up dat racket, an
jes ez soon ez er little pain I'D jump up de
big I'm 'ud light onto it an gobble it up, an
den de big I'm 'ud go sailin' round huntin'
fer mo-. Some folks is mighty turf, dough-
Mex mornin' I hear Miss Sally a laughin.
an a singin' an a w'lstlin' jes like dey
want no watermillions raised in Flurridy.
But Mars Lewis better pen dis yer niger
boy up wen I'm in de town. kin tell you
dat.'
A young Syracuse man brought couple
of telephones and coil Of rope to Rome
last week, and in the evening he went
around to house where a girl lives, and
whistled softly until one of the upper
windows was opened, as he expected it
would be. Then he threw one of the tele
phones up in the upper window and whis-
pered into the other instrument: "Are you
there, darling?" Sharp and clear came
the answer, ''Yes, I'm here, and it you'll
wait till get my boots on you'll think
you have been elected for the next world
by $4,000 majority" He had gone to the
wrong window.
ssBefore we were married." said he,s 'she
used to say bye-bye SO sweetly, as 1 went
down the steps, s'And what does she
say now?" asked his friend. ''Oh! just
the same-buy, buy!' "Oh ! see, she
only exercises different spell over you.'
A newly-married gentleman of Mrs. J.'s
acquaintance, on being asked the other
day, s'What is the difference between
bride and a.bridegroom?" Immediately re-
Piled, "Why, one is given away and the
other is Sold"
A young man in Cincinnati lost his
bride the other day; she smelt whiskey in
his breath and left him at the altar. A
fellow who is too stingy to bay box OF
cachous or an ounce Of cardan0n seeds
doesn't deserve a wife anyway.
Elizabeth Allen, in poem, asks: 'Oh,
willow, why forever weep?" Elizabeth is
a little mistaken as to the facts. 1t isn't
the willow that weeps, it is the boy who
dances under the timber end of it.
An old Irishman who stood near the
third base watching a game of baseball
was sent to grass by foul which struck
him under the fifth rib. ga fowl, wuz ut?
Beporra. thought it was mule"
An Irishman, who lived in an attic. be-
ing asked what part of the house he occu-
pied. answered: 'sIf the house was turned
topsyturvy I'd be living on the first
floor!"
Girls, whose opinion about such things
is always valuable, say that there is too
much shirt-collar and too little young
man in the present fashions to suit their
taste.
A woman was offered thousand pounds
if she would remain silent for four hours.
At the end of fifteen minutes she asked,
ssIsn't the time nearly up?'
Senior is questioned-'Wh is the
name of The lady to whom you are en-
gagedp'' Senior blandlY responds, (which
one?''
The Bible tells you not to call man
fool. But then if he really is one what