The Osceola times., 1878-08-24
FACTS AND rANCIEs,

TIE Breakfast Table thinks trade n
looking up, because It is fat on it, ba0k.
In the way Of worship in hot weather,
man thinks he is doing we'll enough
i when he allows his wife to 70 TO church.
A CHICAGO critic, on being ahswn .
landscape, sid: "Yes, It smells like Q
painting" The artist dropped the cur.
tain.
LADY (giving an apple 10 little boy):
"Give this apple 10 one OF us three here
whom you think the handsomest." The
boy looked for . moment at all three
ladies, took the apple and-ats It.
KANKAKEE, ILL.,, has . justice who
beats them all In matrimonial splicing
with neatness and dispatch. fhis 3
about the formula: "Have 'er p "Yes."
Have imp "Yes." married. g."
Ci@Y-"Pa's going to bring ~ home
something tonight; / wonder what Il
will be ~ Tommy-"Yes, but suppose
be doesn't see anything I" Oissy-"Oh,
then he will bring something else, Of
course"
"THAHK heaven" aid q tormeuted
passenger "there are no newuboys in
heaven" "No," replied the newsboy,
"but what comfort do you find in thatf''
The man didn't say, and everybody elee
looked pleased.
A Man ought to be too selfrespectful
TO do Q mean thing. Religion aside,
honor that 10 high toned, and uprightne9
that can't be made to bulge BY threat
or bribe arc qualities of character which
make their Possesscr envisble.
A YOUNG man applied for the position
Of humorous paraerapher on new paper,
and, when aaked what qualification he
possessed for the duties, be replied that
be was born on all-iools' day, and suffered
q great deal with the toothache. BE
got It.
A YOUNG man writes 10 asking II be
can get = position as leader Of Z hute
band In our town. When our. town b.
comes sf1icted with such band No shall
endeavor to secure our correspondent
the position 10 lead ito lead Il about
forty-seven thousand miles out Of town.
[ Norristown Herald.
THE lamented x left q charming
widow and Q daughter who grew up 70
be even moro charming. Sic grew up
with fearful rapidity, too, especially from
her mothers point OF view. "Why,
Florence. what 2 big, girl yc1!
said, one day, an old friend Of the family.
"Fifteen and q halt almost" replied
the girl; "but don't let ma know"
SoNs Of the "poor white'' families sf
the far west become exceedingly tough
ened BY their exposures and hardships.
A lady travelling among them took shelter
In . hut during . rain storm, and one Of
the barefooted daughten of the family
coming In, who had been hunting for the
cows, stood ON the hearth 10 dry her
clothes, TO whom the mother said: "6al.
there's live coal under your foot |"
Tho girl, whose s0les were - hard ~
horn, merely turned her head and drawlsd
out, (Which foot, mammyr
Down In San Bernardino the hsathen
has been indulging In his ways that are
dark. He Keeps . store there. On .
recent day he went about town, buying
up all the rico he could, and some OF the
grocerymen thought they had struck q
pretty good thing In selling out their
stock at profit. When they attempted
IN veplsce 1t, however, they found that
owing 10 the drought In China, rice had
advanced $3.50 per sack, and John had
. corner In rice. They were compelled
to pay an advance on what they had sold
for. The grocers of San Bernardinc arc
now willing to admit that "the Ohiness
must TO- San Francisco Paper.