The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-04-06
VARIETY.

Josh Billings says he will never purchase
lottery tickets so long as he can hire man to
rob him at reasonable wages.
AHEAD The Press is greater than the
Pope, says Protestant paper. Yes, the
papercy is ahead of Papacy.
Coop ADVICE Make your home happy
said club man to a friend, 'even if to do so
you have to stay away from it, as L do
A man who attended a nitro-glycerine explo-
sion said afterwards, that his first impression
that his mother-in-law was arguing with
him.
a cartoon by Cham presents a drowning
Turk, with his eyes fixed Oh the British lion at
the brink of the water. '' What an idea,
gasps the despairing Turk, SO L took him for a
Newfoundland dog"
90 God helps the man who helps himself, but
God help the man caught helping himself here, ="
Is notice posted behind the counter of a
silyersmith's in Boston. A double-barreled
gun hangs near the notice.
When LongfelIow was presented to Mr..
Longworth, of Cincinnati, the latter remarked a:
- There is great difference IN names.
- Yes" replied Mr.. LOngfellow, - but lCOrth
makes the man, the want of it the Jello'0-"
An English paper gives the origin of the
word - damn 1t says the oath is q corruption
of the French exclamation s. dame" This may
be so, but we always thought that the word
'' damn originated by man going out into
the yard an hour after sun-dOwn and being
abruptly caught under the chin by Il clothes
Iine.-[ NorristOwn Herald.
Here is good verse in a poem elected by
the discussion of the question of future rewards
and Punishments ,.,.u
Believe in no heaven they get into,
And natural too, for wicked to doubt of
A hell which they fear they can not keep out Of"
.. Ten dollars fine for driving over his bridge
asked a little indianapolis boy, who was riding
with his father. Father explains 80 IF
whip up and go fast, the policeman will stop
US and take us to the mayor, and he will not
let us 90 till we pay SO" Silence in the car
riage. Meditating boy speaks: s. Papa if 1t
warn't for the policeman and for God, what
lots of fun we could have, couldn't we?"
One of the earliest settlers of Colorado was
n friend of Ben Wade. Shortly after he located
was drv, rough, and uninviting-even to one
of Wade's rugged nature. After looking the
ground over the bluff Ohioan asked his friend,
With good deal of disgust, how he happened
to settle in such GOd-for-saken country.
50 Why,'' said his friend, 90 this is good coun-
trv. all we lack here is water and good
society'' 's Yes exclaimed old Ben, 80 that's
all they lack in hell"
The New York Graphic says: a timid girl
came in and laid poem on our desk, which
opened as follows:
How dear to my neart is the goat Of my childhood,
When fond recollection presents him to me-
The beautiful beast which wheneeE he was TiIed would
Nv Mischieyous Nan frowsiest butter
THAT did butt stone fence till it fell;
He'd see a coming scream he would utter,
Then brace his foreleg: and go at at IL Pell-nen:
He once tried buck it, and died in the we'll.
Covington, Kentucky correspondent tells
Lis. A country merchant visited the city
fsw days ago, and, going to Cincinnati, pur-
Lsa d from a dollar store table-castor, which
I.oo home with him, and after putting tag
NC toO .arked sSI4' made it a present to a
Wetbodis.t preacher, whose church his family
ottonJoJ The reverend gentleman took the
-,scLoge bo me- opened it, and examined the
Contents T, Ie next day he brought the castor
with tao alta ched), back to the grocery man,
Nnd soid Io him | am too poor In this world s
5S lnu - ofFarJ TO- display SO valuable castor
-, tabIe and if you have no objection
ot-.iJ IiIe 20 ROT, Irn it and take fourteen dol
Iar"; worth of oroce ries for my family instead !?
The merchant Could do nothing but aequiesee
but fancy his feelings
He had been from the paternal nome siS
rnontbs.-Ieft home in I he first bloom OF summer
with smile upon his brow and plcka& III
hand. The Black Hills his destlnatlon' gio[y
and gold the goal. \ uulmer spent amld the
auriferous rocks,-indul 'try, perseverance, ano
a rare knowledge Of cht .mistry and mlneralogJ
his useful tools, in al idition to the plckax
Results are such that b IS enabled to return
sooner than his most san; guine expectations had
allowed him to dream of doing. Almost home
he pauses outside the town until nightfall and
sends to his waiting, exp ecte:nt parent the fol-
lowing suggestive message Bring me
large blanket and pair of old pants-l've got
hat -
A Kentucky preacher rose to speak; and open
ed the Bible. The first verse that met his eye
happened to be: 50 The voice Of the turtle shall
l. D. Il ho
at first sight one would not think there Wal
much in this text but, little consideration
you will see there is great desll in it. Now
YOU all know what a turtle is If you've beer
along by pond, you have seen them on a los
summing themselves. Now it is said Th'
voice of the turtle shall be heard in the land.
But the turtle hasn't any voice chat anybody
ever heard, SO it must be the noise he make
in plunging off the log into the water Hence
we conclude that immersion is meant, and tina
axUiII