The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-07-11
PASSING SMILES.

SAID he" Matllda, you are my dear
est duck" Said She" Augusta, you
are trying to stuff me-" She was too
sage for him.
WICK at small injuries rather than
avengeSthem. If, to destroy a single
bee, you throw down the hive, instead
of one enemy, you have thousand.
The bestmeans to learn our faults is to
tell Others of theirs; they will be too
proud to be alone In their defects, and
will seek them in us and reveal them to
| us.
A MAN who is not able to make bow
| to his own conscience in the morning, is
hardly in a condition to respectfully
| salute the rest of the world during the
day.
Folks who can't understand why
robins are sent to eat up all the cherries,
should remember that in all probability
the robins can't understand why human
beings are sent to do the same thing.
A NEW YORK fashion writer says any
one wearing travelling dress with
| trained skirt this season will be looked
at" Well, bless your innocent old
heart, that's Just what they want and
expect.-Breaktast Table.
"WHY are the men of genius SO often
| bachelors?' ?'' asked Miss Kate Sanborn.
As genius is merely another name for
excellent common-sense, any answer is
| apt to make the married man look bad
| by contrast.
EVERYBODY has heard of Glauber's
salts, but how manv know whether
| Glauber is the name of man or place.
| He was in fact a famous chemist of
Amsterdam in the sixteenth century,
who invented the preparation bearingl Il
name.
| "Can the ghost Of chance be
properly called spiritual opportunity p
asks a correspondent. A spiritual
opportunity might occur when the bar
keeper goes down cellar for some more
ice, and leaves decanter on the
| counter.
| A MORMON Elder ran away from
New Haven Hotel the other day, leav-
/ ing behind him traveling-bag, VIII ich
the landlord seized. 1t contained a
broken shaving-mug, pair ofgum shoes,
two chest protectors, and treatise on
| salvation.
CHERRY rum refuse thrown in the
yard of Bangor woman was eaten by
turkeys that apparently died from the
effects. After being plucked they we're
thrown into heap on the grass. On
the next morning they were found walk
ing around the yard in undress.
A GREAT man lives in the influence
of his example and his teachings. How
many there are who resurrect Franklin
in his famous maxim, " Save pence,
pounds will save themselves" when the
church collector shakes the contribution
box or basket under their nosei
A PAIR of very chubby legs,
Encased in scarlet hose;
pair of little stubby boots
With rather doubtful tots:
A little kilt, little coat,
Cut a mother can
And lol before us strides in state
The futures coming man."
You can't have everything you want
that is too short; if you pull it up over
your shoulders, you uncover your feet;
and if you cover your feet your shoulders
must be bare. However, some cheerful
people manage to draw their feet up
little and so pass pleasant night.
, GONE is glass in eyes and the other is
clever one it is, too. What we want
now is a conundrum to fit it.-No7Tis-
, toacn Herald. What's the difference
between half-pint flask in the heart of
an iceberg, and lump of ice in a
, goblet ?-Breakfast Table.
t ARAGo once confidently announced
that big comet that was approaching
' the earth would not destroy it. CHOW
5 do YOU know?" he was asked. "I
, DON'T" he replied; "but in either case
[ | I am safe. If it does not knock the
world to pieces, 1 shall be considered a
prophet; if it does, they can't blow me
4 up in the newspapers"
t HERE are few of the ways that let
I ters come directed to the Conshohocken
post-ofice: Chochen, Conshoracken,
Chuncheyhocken, Conhochum, Con-
| fecohcsink, Houskokcken, Caunuchau-
ken, Cconshocohicken, Kunchyhoyken,
/ Conchenhagen, Conchahcaken, Kon-
7 chohogen, Conjunction, Conciahockin,
S Conshawhawean, Cashahkms.
RECOGNIZED rank Boarding-house
' butter. Cents of duty-Those paid at
t the Custom House. Men of letters
Corresponding secretaries and sign
q painters. Absence of mind-Notably
g obvious in the proceedings of the last
9 Congress. Likes to see the rule laid
L down-The schoolboy, if the rule is an
8 oak one which has been on visiting ac-
quaintance with the sensitive portion OF
e his person.
WHEN Sir John Carr was in Glasgow,
4 about the year 1907, he was asked by the
magistrates to give his advice concern
! ing the inscription to be placed on the
y Nelson monument, then just completed
Sir John recommended his brief record
: +" Glasgow to Nelson" Juist SO" sale
!, one of the baillies; :" and as the town o
! Nelson's close at hand, might we nj
= juist say, Glasgow to Nelson, sa,
miles, an so it might serve for monu
ment an milestone too."