Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-08-23
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Jane Shay. If she had been an actress it
would probably have been Genevieve De
Forrest. Her hair fell in a graceful twist
over her left shoulder, and her dress was
looped up like an oaJ bag hung over a
plow handle. Meeting her at the depot as
she came down from Saginaw, some folks
might have taken her for the Lady Of
Lyons, but she was simplya lady of sudden
impulses, as she explained to his Honor.
She said:
81 took sudden impulse to come to
Detroit. After [ got here took sudden
impulse to drink some brandy to cure my
earache. I have no doubt that took
sudden impulse to come to this caravan
and occupy one of your front chambers. :"
.sAh! see, as the oyster Observed" re-
Piled his Honor. ''Do these sudden i'm
pulses seize you very often?'
Eyes, pretty often"
ssIf 20 had a sudden impulse to 60 to
the circus you'd CAD right off. leaving the
dinner dishes on the table, suppose?"
81 should, sir.''
'sWell, we don't believe in sudden i'm
pulses down here, Miss Shay. True, if
some of the papers charged me with r
ceiving free gas, might have sudden
impulse to rush around and pay the bills
for the last six months before an investi-
eating committee could put nae On oath,
but, as general thing, Detroiters 60
slow. We were four weeks getting the
State Fair here, in order not to surprise
folks.''
.'Well,'' she impatiently remarked.
"Well, all this is preparatory to remark
ing that you are booked for thirty days."
81 am, am 1? III know anything about
law there is an alternative"
Eyes, SO there is. was coming to that
pretty soon. 1t is thirty days or ten dol
lars, cash down."
81 can cover that fine and have eight
dollars left she replied, as she pulled out
eighteen one dollar bills and counted off
ten of them without Wetting her thumb
but once.
The court looked surprised, several boys
over the ropes chuckled, and Bijah grinned
with delight. His Honor hit him at
it and said:
''Mr. Joy, if you have the cholera you'd
better put some cayenne pepper on your
tongue-a ton or so!''-Detroit Free Press.
JOHN RANDOLPH OUTDONE.-Here is
one of the many amusing anecdotes OF this
eccentric man Of Roanoke. He was travel
ing through part Of Virginia in which
he was unacquainted, and stopped during
the night at an inn near the forks OF the
road. The nn-keeper was fine old gen.
tleman, and no doubt belonged 10 one OF
the first families of the Old Dominion.
Knowing who his distinguished guest
was, he endeavored during the evening, to
draw him into conversation, but failed in
all bis efforts. But in the morning, when
Mr.. Randolph was ready to start, he called
fol his bill, which, on being presented,
was paid. The landlord, still wishing to
have some conversation with him, began
as follows:
ssWhich way are you travelling, Mr..
Randolph?''
ssSir?" said Mr.. Randolph, with look
Of displeasnre.
II asked" said the landlord, (which
way are you traveling?"
''Have paid my bill?''
Eyes"
@sDo owe you any more?''
NO"
Ill T3,,or inst vuhnra I r.1aa
Do you understand"
Yes"
The landlord by this time got somewhat
excited, and Mr.. Randolph drove off. But,
to the landlords surprise, in a few min
v,tes the servant returned to inquire for
his master which of the forks of the road
to take. MI. Randolph not being out of
hearing distance, the landlord spoke aJ
the top of his voice:
ssMr. Randolph, yon don't owe me one
cent; just take which road you please"
It is said that the air turned blue with
the curses of Randolph.
This is about the time Of year when the
old man knocks off works. and tells his
wife he Is going fishing, and he leaves
home in the morning with fishing rod
and a lunch, and IN the dim twilight he
10 trundled up to the frontd door i'll wheel
harrow by a semi-sober coadjutor. who
saws the old man has been sun struck.
Nobody eves finds out what became OF the
fish. las
subscriber asks F'How to scald a
,,oose2, There are several methods per
1narps the best way would be to wait until
some evening, when the goose comes
around to serenade your daughter, and
while he is in the middle OF '.Sweet by
snd-by,'' pour kettle OF boiling water on
mis- head from a second story window.
A girl in Kentucky struck her croquet
,,artney on the head with mallet; brain
fever set In and the young man nearly
died. The girl was kept under arrest I'M
til his recovery, and when he got well she
married him. Now he's sorry ne dldn t
die. --' +-
visitor to gallery OF art beng aske
whether he preferred pictures to ssatuary,
said he preferred the latter as ''you kin go
all round the statues, but you can't see
onlv one side of the picture"
Red is used for danger signals On rail
Goods and always means ''stop." On a
mans nose it ought TO gave Ihe same
warning.
rn;+arb on a waiter: lie is gones he
could walt no longer