Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-07

the other morning. The owner of the
wagon made MIN wheel-wright around
and leaye.-Norristol0n Herald.
As good joke on the inland secreta-
ry of the navy, the papers are telling
that, when he-was inspecting war ship
at the Philadelphia navy yard, it was
thought proper to show him the depth
of the vessel by removing one Of the
patches; when, to the astonishment of
all present, he exclaimed: "Why, the
old thing IS hollow"
And then she looked at me so low
lngly, and drew her close to my bos-
ON, and was Just kissing her for the
second time when the vision broke and
| paid the dentist and left. 'It was his
first experience with nitrous OXld gas. "
When country editor, who Is strug-
Cling along trying to reara large family
and build up town on an income OF
$500 q year, discovers that a baseball
pitcher hauls in $1,000 for the season, it
makes him sit down on the roller-box
and think.-Ci Cincinnati Breakfast Table
There seems to be altogether too
much fuss about this .church-debt
raising Kimball. Who couldn't raise a
debt? Give somebody else a chance.
That's all, you know; but then, alas!
some of us never get that chance. Yes,
base is the slave that pays. We feel
it; it's our misfortune
''Ah me-" sighed a rising young gent
us throwing down his pen and leaning
back YEARLY, "you don't know how
much pleasanter and easier it is toread
these little poems of mine, than it is tC
write them" Sympathetic but aWk.
ward friend. "Gad, how you must suffer
thenr-Hawkeye.
1t is about time, young man, for you
to withdraw from society and become a
nun for the next three months, or else
save up every last nickel you can earn
and borrow for Christmas presents
This advice, it may seem to you, is q
trife early, but you just think of il
Christmas eve. and you will wish you
had commenced about the fourth OIL
July.
A gentleman recently invited a lee,
turer to his home to take tea. I'm.
mediately on being seated at the table
a little daughter of the gentleman said
to the guest, quite abruptly "Where is
your wife?' The gentleman, having
recently been separated from the part
ner of his life, was surprised and an,
nOyed at the question. and stammered
forth the truth, Il don't know
Don't know" replied the infant ter.
rible: Why don't you know" Find
ing that the child persisted in her in
terrogations despite the mild reproof Of
her parents, he concluded to make a
clean breast of the matter, and have il
over at once. So he said, with calm.
ness: "Well, we don't live together
We think as we can't agree, we'd better
not" He stif1ed a groan as the child
began again, and darted an exasperateC
look at the parents. But the little tor.
ment would not be quieted until she
exclaimed: Cant agree! Then why
not fight it out as pa and ma do"
A young man VINO had been expected
for some time to PROPOSE" but whose
difiidence had kept him back, wa:
astonished by his father saying to him
as he set off for his sweetheart's resi-
dence one evening: "John, you'd bet
ter take the screw-driver along witt
you this time" What for?" exclaim
ed John. $50 as to screw up you
courage a little" answered Pater
When John came home that night, hi
said: give done it, father"
"Gem'len, Waydown Bebee will now
purceed to pass de hat aroun'," softly
remarked Brother Gardner at the las
meeting of the Lime Kiln Club, as ht
looked up and down the hall, can i
may be we'll fur me to add that he'
got my eye on de man who means t.
drop less dan ten cents inter de hat, ye
[ hez, an I'll talk to him arter de casl
am counted" There was no oppor
tunity to talk to man." Dimes ant
quarters dropped into the hat in
steady stream from the time it appearet
under the nose Of Sir Isaac Walpol
till it reached Coffeemill Cooper, AM
the general result put everybody il
a good humor. De way to com
down am to come 'own," unused tn
president, ast over the dim
which made thee objection foot up S.
Detroit Free Press.