Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-11-23
Hawk-Eyetems.

HaWk-Eyetems.
Oysters are here, in numbess 10
norselessly out Of all proportions to
the salaries.
A man in western Iowa. Who il Q can
didate for three Offices. has invented
. method Of shaking hands by postal
card.
See here, how is this. Can't 60 into
bankruptcy without paying your debts?
What's this vretched country coming
to, any how?
The great scarcity OF erasshoppers in
the far vest this summer will compel
many Of the destitute chsirmen Of relief
associations to 60 to work.
Lip service" said the preacher
earnestly. lis not acceptable" mo. -
muttered constable in the audience.
nothing sticks but . yritten summons
aud personal services"
An editor with nine unmarried
daughters was recently made Justly in
dignant by the miscons'ruction his con-
temporaries put upon las able leader ON
The demand for mel
Care mast be taken about one thing,
that unprincipled persons do not cut
out the advertising cuts Of Holman D
liver pad" and sell them for campaign
badges In the next presidential cam
paign.
A careful merchant in st. Louis re-
fused to ship lot Of goods to New Or
leans for fear Of catching the yellow
fever. A cautious Burlington man is
afraid 10 write to his brother in Mem.
phis for the same reason.
when there's will there's q way :,
the pig said when it broke ont of its
pen and upset the slop barrel. when
there's will there's weigh" as the far
mer said, three months afterward, when
he sold his pork.
A boy on West Hill started to school
the opening day OF the term, and before
he vas five blocks from home he famed
. dog, lost his geography, scared q
fights. Times are looking up.
The rapacity, the shameless rapacity
Of some people is disgusting. Here is
man in Helena, Montana, worth $3.50. :.
600, who recently died and left every
dollar of his wealth to his wife and
children. And seven lawyers in the
town. too.
Concentrated force is what accom-
plishes wonders. A little green apple,
not so big as base ball, will double q
boy fourteen years old up so close and
tight that it will take o mustard plaster
as big as watermelon three hours to
straighten him out.
An ingenious man has invented an
attachment for shot guns, which will
pick bird shot out of mans legs faster
and more easily than his fellow hunters
can do it with their pen knives. It is
intended for the exclusive use of city
sporting clubs.
The number of men who "fit into the
battle of Waterloo" now living in the
United States, number about two hun
dred and fifty more than both armies
engaged in that terrible struggle. There
is nothing holds on to life with the
tenacity Of Survivor"
Congress is not in session, but Wash.
ington is not 80 destitute of statesman.
ship as you might suppose. A delega-
ton of Sioux Indians is passing its time
in the capital.
One night last week burglars broke
into the room of the nice young man
on West Hill, and stole twenty-three
sticks of pomade and eleven dollars
worth of hair oil. No Insurance.
The tramps followed the wheat har-
vest from st. Louis to Minnesota, in
search of work. The harvest got about
four days the start of them at the send
off and maintained its lead to the end.
America calmly wanders off with eight
of the eleven prizes for agricultural
machinery at the Paris exhibition. No
use talking, American reaping ma.
chimes and mowers can cut up and
chew up more men in o day than Cat
ling gun.
We are kind of glad they beheaded
DR.. Hoedel, after all. There was no
necessity for his living any longer.
Tue world certainly has no use for q
man who will try to kill full grown
man at sixty PAGES with half an ounce
OF bird shot.
| NOLuluk WILL CIchVc CNCA Al - AAAoh Va
the most sluggish disposition such
lively and intense desire to set on foot
thorough Investigation as to hear a
dog growl in the dark and not know
Just exactly in which direction he heard
it.
Glove" remarks the moralist Of the
Graphic, lis deaf as we'll as blind"
Too true, too true. A man has to love
you at the rate of about one hundred
and ninety degrees in the shade, be-
fore you can make him hear you ask
him for nine dollars.
Charles Dwight, Of Wheeling, took
down his rife Thursday morning and
made thirty nine consecutive bulls.eyes
at eight hundred yards, and Friday
morning the associated press tele.
graphed him all over the country a.
"Proiessor" Dwight. This is glory.
A SPLENDID WHE.-We once knew
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