The Portland daily press., 1878-07-22
Cap and Bells.


The boy stood squarely on the bass
Already two were out
The grin that lighted up his face
Shone round about bis snout.
The boy he raised the ash aloit
And called for one hip-high,
The pitcher put it in red-hot-
And hit him in the eye.
Again that gallant youth stood up,
Determined he would score;
The next one hit him in the stomach
He played the ball no more.
Relatives and friends are invited to attend with.
out further notice.-BoSton Post
What is corn, that it should have this excess
I've ncouragement.-BuGslo Express.
John Jasper is right. The sun does move,
aud il isn't more than a amile and a half AWAY
Burlington Ha'ckeye.
Ths flying machine cannot successfully wres-
tie with currents; and the same may be said of
the small boy, if the currants happen to be
green.-Ne1c Hayen Register.
The person who bet on the race horse Molije
Mccarthy says it is well-known scientific
fact that man is shorter at night than t,e is
in the morning. g.-Exchange.
1--WE never saw man." says an exchange.
"who thought it sin to steal AZ umbrella.
Then you never saw man whose umbrella has
just been stolen.-Ne,o HaUeR Register.
What makes man Wild in these days is to
pay five dollars for medical consultation in
which he is orde7ed to wear an all wool under
shirt.-Puess;.
Tie old story about the little boy who wished
that he was built like han coop, SO that the
breeze could blow right through him Is again
travelling the rounds of the press.
This is the summer of the servant girls con-
tent. "Missus" has gone into the country.
'Master' is at the club evenings, ''and what
more could an honest girl do than invite John
into the best parlor for an hour or twoY'-
N. Y. Commercial AdUertiser.
A rumor has gained circulation that a band
of Communists and Socialists in New York
have bound themselves to assassinate all the
great men in this country. We leave for Can
ada IN the morning to remain until this danger
Is over.-BnTltngton HG,ckeye.
The two Messrs. s., father and son, distin-
guished lawyers of Boston, are noted for e,r;oh
al
temper and quick wit. yney rarely Mat ill.,
out an amicable passsse at arms, Last veaL
young s. was making call at the maternal
mansion wnen car of his fathers attacked
MIN and received q kick which cent him how'll
ing down thc staircase. The noise brought out
tne oid ran from his lair, and the following
conoquJ ensued: S. Senior-"what did you
kick my dog for?" s. Junior-"He bit me-"
>. senior-"He didn't bite you." 8. Junior
II didn't kick him."
An amateur pedest rian, walking across the
northern edge of Westchester County, NY.
on a wager, stopped at the forks of a road. at 4
loss as to which way his course Law. and
awaited the arrival Of stranger who was
coming along az tremendous stride ST saw
Sir, said he, "can you tell me which is the
shortest road to Sing Sing?" "Yes sir, said the
and lifting cap from q closely cropped head.
"You just stand here and see which way 20,
and then you turn right around and 90 lust the
the other way-straight" The amateur pedes-
trian followed these simple directions and ar
rived at the end Of his course in time to win
his wager.-Journd
Some one was reading the Bible to Jim An
derson the other day, and came to the passage
about the plague of darkness in Egypt. sgrha
must have been terrible" said the reader, paus-
ing, lawful; just think of it, darkness 40
intense that it could be actually felt" "Hoh."
said Mr.. Anderson, SHAT was norhing. re-
member one night in East Feliciana when il
was so dark-'m Talk about darkness. why. T
had to wade through it just like mud to get
home. Lots of people got tired out and scared
and stayed right where they happened to be all
night. Why, when we went to bed that night
we never hung up cur clothes; just pushed 'em
klnd OF into the darkness like, as we took 'em
OH, and there they stuck. 1t was funny in the
morning, when it began to grow light to hear
the things dropping out ss the darkness lost its
grasp. and falling on the floor. 1 remember
that L put an old pair of boots up in the
But here messenger announced that the COM
mittee was waiting for Mr.. Anderson, and
without completing his interesting narrative of
facts he Withdraw RllrLi,,rrto1l Hn1nLoaLo =