Connecticut western news., 1878-05-30
WIT Akb WISDOM.

,ysa WIT Ap WISDOM
 Woman tempted man to eat but he took to drink himself.Hnc
 !" Motto of Western company of fe- male minstrels "Grin and bare." -" Jennie, what makes you such bad girlp"r. Well, mamma, God sent you just the best children he could find, and if they don't suit you I can't help it." .s looked and loved, and loved and looked,
 ..t and looked and loved again,
 But looked and loved and loved and looked, and looked and loved in vain"
 At a recent dinner of shoemakers, the following toast was given: May we have all the women in the country to shoe, and all the men tq boot"
 ,s In the following love couplet there is great paucityl of words, but as much meaning US there is inmRny most mov- ing love songs that have fashionable run: 'Anq bpo2 ,Iaiqlo Q Lone of the' proprietors of San Francisco newspaper, it is said, drinks sixty-nine glasses of beer on an average every day. So much inside matter gives him bad form Mor4'gs go--" When two young girls meet. they kiss when two young men meet, they don't That shows who want kissing most. ;" And it shows who knows what tastes good, tod. lI aS'a z
 The Southern Illinois girls have got so that they hold out 2 red ribbon m one hand and mitten in the other, and
 say to 9 fellow, "iLook here, now; which'll ye takea" hunlUH 'a Paper, sir r. asked the newsboy.
 {" No, I never read, was the blunt
 answer. Hi, boys, come here" called
 out the gamin $ here's man as IS prao-
 tis,n' for the jury r, ,,1 ,gnI3. 1..,,i5 | Nj Fond father--ssWell, my son, how
 do you like college? Alma Mater has turned out some great men,. Young hopeful Gust expelled )749"S 79S Yes, sir 1; sne
 has turned me out ts"r,i bnl
 Yes, brother journalists, says an ex- change, there will come a time when re- l lgious societies will, not expect seven l dollars worth of gratmtous advertising
 in return for ticket entitling the bearer to a chance in rafie for a ninety-nine
 cent hair brush. ila 10 ta
 ,s -" Are you trying to raise mus
 tache, my son ?" kindly inquired heav- ilv whiskered father the other morning,
 observing the young man scraping ms
 face Gin the place where the hair ought
 to grow" ""Yes, sir" mournfully replied
 the boy ; "since you've falied it's about l all can raise. pba7r od Gl3
 We have never been able to under stand how it is, that a woman, who IS ap- parently deaf when her husband asks her where that half dollar is he left m
 his pantaloons pocket before going to
 bed. can hear the wall of her two weeks
 old baby down two Aightsof stairs sno
 through three dea doors A noted citizen of Maiden, Mass,
 stopped going to churcch, \, last last winter on
 the plan that the pastor's plain preacn,
 ing about practical Christianity annoyed
 him. The exposure has just been made
 that about that time he was issuing l fraudulent insurance poicies. He IS now fugitive. -'Fh2i '@S'1 As the spring wore on and the weather got All sultrinrly sultfy and dad dinged hot, The late MT. Brown declared he'd not Re melted 10 death in that dry goods store, And hence he concluded he'd wear no moro, l The uudershirt he erst had wore. little cold in his delicate lung, ] A little song by the church choir sung Alttle corpse to tbe graveyard brung' ..- The gentleman who attracted atten- tion in church last weelxby crying out
 "Holy Moses," had no intention ot dls- turbing the congregationsu He had been
 tacking down carpets on the day betore' and inst as he sat down in his pew he
 suddenly remembered that he had left
 paper of tacks in his poat skirt pocket. We make this explanation in justice to his family, who are highly respectable | He was an entire stranger to the
 girls present, and the boys were mean
 and would not introduce him. He finally
 plucked up courage. and, stepping up to young lady, requested the pleasure of her company for the next dance. She looked at him in surprise and informed ,
 him she had not the pleasure ot hls ac- I ouaintance. !" Well," remarked the | stranger, "you' don't take any moro chances than do." o'' yd
 He came from the country seven
 years ago, and is now . wen-to-do mer- chant. Last week he wrote to the old
 folks, telling them be had married lady l with a very fine yoice---a Q fmezzo-sopra-
 no of quite extraordinary compass. He received an answer from the maternal side of the house, informing him that
 his lamented aunt was affected wltn
 something of that sort during her life, 1 but had always found rslietin placing
 mustard plaster on the sole of each foot,
 and drinking pint of dandelion tea.
 A Western Member of Congress
 lounged into the barfoom of fashion
 able uptown hotel one morning recently
 to get his matutinal invigorator. When
 the necessary utensils were placed be-
 fore him the Hoosier statesman delibe-
 rately filled the glass to the brim with
 whiskey. srsGoodness gracious l" ex-
 claimed the astonishsd barkeeper, ''that
 isn't a drink; that's autemperance leo
 ture !" The members faCeF lights up
 with an expression of pride whenever he | relates the incident.