The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-04-06
NUMBER 25.
PASSING SMILES.

~
! vited generally sits hardest on his stom-
! ach.
4, THE doctors ought to escape calumny.
No man living has a right to speak i'll Of
them.
He who reels and staggers most in the
journey of life takes the straightest cut
to the devil.
WHAT is the most warlike nation ?
Vaccination. Why? Because it is al
ways in arms.
THERE are many men whose tongues
} might govern multitudes, il they could
govern their tongues.
KING HUMBERT owns eight hundred
horses. He seems determined to estab-
lish stable government.
MEN should not think too much of
themselves, and yet man should be
careful not to forget himself.
A FORTUNE hunter went counting the
daughter of rich whisky dstiller, and
he sang, 81 see her still in my Dreams"
THERE are people who would take
their smallest wrongs with them into
Paradise. Go where they will, they
carry with them travelling case of in
juries.
THE idler of the higher sort needs,
perhaps, more IDEAS more store of mind
about him, than would go to the furnish
ing of twenty brains OF mere plodding
men of business. -
AN English church dignitary is deaf.
Being at dinner where green peas were
for the first time in the season served he
put his trumpet to his ear and the ser
want poured the peas and sauce down.
| p. l. Man.
THEODORE Triton says: Forty
years from now people will wonder that
there ever should have been discussion
on the existence of hell" Yes, the
people who are now forty years old will
wonder Undoubtedly.
ONE8f the grandest sights we ever
behel WAS Theodore Tilton, the other
day posed like Roman senator, before
an apple stand, while dark-eyed Sicil-
ian maid filled his rear pocket with
pint of peanuts Brooklyn Eagle.
I'M waitin' meath the window, love,
upon the porch's seat; Pm waitin' here
till you come down, your own true love
TO greet. Don't be too long a-fixin' up;
for, if ! may make bold, amt a-goin'
to wait here long, a-sittin' in the cold.
The pathway of life is full of difficult
ties, but Origins says he has about
made up his mind that one of the hard
est things in the world for man to do
is to admit to his wife that he has been
in the wrong. II Breakfast Table.
WE have invented patent for cur
ing colds. 1t should be in great de-
mand in this changeable weather. 1t is
steel instrument sharpened on both
sides All one has to do is to take out
the voice, scrape the cold off, and re-
place it,
GLOW speaks the present hour2 actl
| Walk, upward glancing;
So shall thy footsteps in glory be tracked,
| Slow, but advancing.
Scorn not the smallness OF daily endeavor
Let the great meaning ennoble II ever;
Droop not DER efforts expended in vain,
Work as believing that labor is gain"
DoN'T put me in the river bank,
among the fragrant flowers; nor where
the grass is watered by the early sum-
mer showers. But put me in the
kitchen range, and open wide the
damper, and then my vaporous remains
can up the chimney scamper.
LADY-(calling on intimate friend,
who is unmarried, and has only one SER
vant) els your mistress at home,
Sarah" Sarah" No, mum. Lady
"Then will you kindly say that called
to see if she would come and spend the
evening with us?" Sarah--"Oh, no,
mum! A. sure she can't, cause its my
turn out"
In little French town not long ago,
swarm of bees selected the letter-box
placed on the corner of the principal
square as their settling place, and pro-
ceeded to occupy it. The carrier, OH
attempting to open the box, was Sc
verely stung; and not until the bees
had been smoked out was it possible to
remove the letters.
The elephant, large one, kept at the
be a pretty hearty feeder His daily
food consists Of four hundred pounds Of
hay and three bushels of oats. He
washes this enormous quantity of pro-
vender down his throat with four bar
rels of water. Besides all this, he
thankfully receives candies, cakes, ap-
pies and such small trifes, from the Wis
itors.
| WHO taught me first TO litigate,
| Ny neighbor and my brother hate,
And my own rights to over-rate?
MY lawver---
| Who cleaned my bank account all out,
| And brought my solyeDcy In doubt
/ Then turned me to the right aboutf
| My lawyer.
Who brought me down TO rags and sin,
| And then refused cent for gin,
But called the cop to take me ina
My lawyer. sf.
A LITTLE boy who went to church was
told to remember the text, which was:
"Why stand ye here all the day idle?
Go into my vineyard and, work, and
whatsoever is right, that l will pay
thee.'' Johnny came home and was
asked to repeat'the text. He thought it
over for while, and then cried out,
"What do you stand round here doing
muffin for? Go into my vineyard and
90 to work, and I'll make it all right
with you"
PROFESSOR PROCTOR says that if an
infant were born having an arm the
length of ninety-fve millions of miles,
SO as to reach the sun while in his cradle,
he could live out the allotted three-score
| ooJ <a,, &c p,au'c life and never