Litchfield enquirer., 1878-03-14
CLIPPINGS.
ss. -,vz-z.ssss,asz,S ssssss.xssszsa11.,,,7 isss.
 A COW beIle-the milkmaid.

Fond mother: t'What would you do with l out mother, Tom?" Tom: ''Do as I liked ma. As
 The new Pope used to write poetry, but tn conclave didn't find it out in time.
 General Buffers declaration that he is Sun day school graduate is great blow to the Sun day-school system. " Strong doses of advertising should be admin l istered to business that looks bilious, abou this time of year., The world still needs two or three new kind l of patent medicines, before death can be fl nally abolished.
 An old lady, when she heard the minister say there would be nave in the new church observed that ''she knew well who the party was' ~4
 First effect: '1 matst take the new dollar, must Good John, just mark up that last lot of goods fifteen per cent"
 The Bible tells you not to call man tool But then if he really is one what are you to do, since the Bible enjoins you to tell the truth?
 If the man who made mistake last evening in the matter of umbrellas will call at this of. flee he will be welcome to all he can hear to his advantage.
 We saw young man with two heads on his shoulders the other day, but didn't consider it much of curiosity. One belonged to bis girl. s= t.| .91-.- t
 King Victor owed but $3,OOO, 900 when he died. When the new king said he would tread in the footsteps of his father, certain tradesmen resolved: 'You can't do it at my grocery"
 Instill into boys mind that in a certain place hereafter a boy does nothing but cut and carry wood, and you will have gained signal victory for that other place.
 Dogs are wearing their head-gear, and the owners are grumbling. Nobody has dog that is in the least bit cross or goes from home or would molest even chicken.
 ''Squiggiums" Schoolmistress Gust begin ming nice improving lesson upon minerals to the Juniors )-''Now what are the principal things we get out of the earth ?" Youthful ang- Ter, etat four Confidently )-"Worms l"
 My dear" said wife to her husband. 'I really think it is time we had greenhouse" 7" "Wen, my love, paint it any color you please 1; red, white, or green will suit me-" responded the husband.
 When Henry M. Stanley reached the Afri- can coast, after his explorations in the interior he weighed only one hundred and nineteen pounds. Some of the enormous stories he told coming from such small man. must have looked like three inch stream pouring out of half-inch nozzle.
 Colorado has a musical spider which is said to crawl down a church wall regularly to hear the organ played. Another theory suggested is that the spider is making study of the efforts of the soprano and contralto to enmesh the tenor.
 We never realize how faulty, how exces- sively and deplorably faulty nature is, so strongly as when we reflect on the painful fact that she has never yet been able to make man that will fit custom-rnade shirt.
 Little Johnnie has peculiar views as to orig inalsin. One day as he was about to be pun ished for some misdemeanor, when he plead ed, '1t wasn't me, mamma, dear-it was the bad man." Well, Johnny, am going to whip the bad man out of you" "Ah, yes, but that will hurt me precious lot more than it will the bad man.
 The five-year old daughter of an Eighth street family the other day stood watching her baby brother, who was making a great fuss over having his face washed. The little miss at length lost all patience, and stamping her tiny foot said; You think you have lots of trouble, but you don't tknow anything about it. Wait till you're big enough to get lickin' and then you'll see-wont he mamma?"
 An old darkey who was asked if in his ex- perience prayer was ever answered, replied "Well, sah, some pra'ars is ansud an some isn't-'pends on W lat you axes fo'. Jest arter de wah, wen it was mighty hard scratchin' fo' de cullud brendern I 'bsarved dat wenebber I pway de Lord to sen one of Marse Pepton's fat turkeys fo' de ole man, dere was no notice took of de partition, but wen 1 pway dat he would sen de ole man fo' de turkey, de matt CT was tended to befo' sun-up nex' mornin', dead sartin!"
 The following lines were taken from young lady's hymn book, a few days ago, which she thoughtlessly left in church
 "I look in vain-he does not come,
 Dear Fear what shall 1 do? ... Icannot listen as ought, Unless he listens too.
 He might have come as well as not
 What plaques those fellows are!
 I'll bet he's fast asleep at home,
 Or smoking . cigar"
 A tramp went into HSwes' restaurant Fri day evening and begged for loaf of bread He being noisy and disagreeable the request was refused.
 Then give me five cents worth of caramels," he cried, dipping into one of his pockets and bringing forth handful ot silver
 The disgusted Ben hypothecated him from the store.-DG1a. Neps.
 A Milwaukee third warder named McCar- thy gavese Archbishop Henni very old andival- uable copy of an Irish Bible. Upon the pre- sentation of the volume the Archbishop asked Mccarthy to read chapter from it. With an incredulous look, Mccarthy said: "Sure, an can't your riverence rade ?" ''Yes, but not the old Irish" Fwat An your riverence cant rade?'' "Yes but not tue old Irish /" NFwat 1 An your riverence can't rade thA fursht lang wich of the wurruld |? Ye can't rade the lang wich Adam fursht spoke to Ave? Ye can't rade the mother tongue of hIvinS Arrah, fwat will ye be doin' at all, at all, when ye rach hivin, your riverence?"
 There are depths in a woman's character too profound for the research of man. Deli cate, timid, shrinking, yet she possess 8 hero ism that rises to the height of gran deur, a keenness of perception almost miracu- lous and a prpmptness in action that is certain ly marvellods A Danbury lady seated at her sewing the other evening put her hand into her pocket in quest of some object, when her fingers came in contact with the slippery and repulsive touch of mouse. There was an inn pulse to scream, but repressing it by power full effort, she jumped up in the air, overturn- ing the table, smashing ten-dollar lamp, up setting two chairs and capping the climax by going over in heap under the piano. Her husband, who was asleep in the next room, was aroused by the noise and rushed to her help "What is the natter" he demanded, as he got her on her feet. She told him. "Why onearth didn't you call me ?" he almost yelled, as he saw the damage done. q didn't want to disturb you, was the heroic reply. And then, the emergency being over, her strength tears
 MISCELLANEOUS