West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-03-09
breakfast Table j

Tho man wiped his watCry ewes ON q
handkerchief that had never tasted soap
as he sat down ON the end of salt bar
rel, and said:
Il don't s'poSe there ever has been
any such times As we're having now
leastwise not for the canvassing bust
ness. There amt duorstepin this town
that hain't left mud ON, but | tell YOU
now, it's precious little comfort I've
found at any of EN- in the last year, and
| reckon I've tried about everything
there is going. Washing machines is
Just sure starvation, Clothc,-wringcrs
haint no better, iluters is n waste of
time, and books is on the next shelf "a
suicide | know 'em all, and some of
EN- TO my sorrow. I'm not much on
the brag, but Pm talking To YOU like a
family Bible when | tell YOU that |
wouldn't have TO walk over ten blocks to
bring you stacks of testimonials TO show
that I've got as much cheek and hang
ON rs any man that ever took hint with
tacks IN the toe of IL. I've got a good
deal of talent and ingenuity, too, for my
business, but genius is slim diet To live
ON in these times. was the first man
IN this town that ever had the brains TO
get up pair of pants with kick-proof
cushion in the right place, and il was
also me that Ciphered out the right sort
OF chemicals TO rub over the skin 10 make
II turn boiling water like the feathers of
goose. ! might name other things
lots of 'cnI-that Pve done equal to put
ting cast-iron armor on the profession.
but it amt worth while. didn't have
the loose capital at the time TO protect
myself 10y taking out patents on 'cm,
and gratitude, Pvc discovered, pays
mighty small royalty.
There was q time when a man with
Il fair amount of perseverance, and vim,
could start out with some new 'kink
that hadn't been hawked to death, and
have IA pretty sure thing on at least get
ting three meals day out of il, but il
can't be done to-day, and if somebody
don't soon open free soup house, it's
my candid belief that before the green
leaves tell us spring has come, some of
us will get so thin that we can't be
kicked without the help of magnifying
spcctacles.
II don't make. any difference how
good clothes we wear, nor how small
our samples is-it wouldn't help il if
they could be put into coat pocket
somehow or other they all know us.
Whether they tell us by the way we
pull door bell or not, | cant say, but |
do know that about rine times out of
ten all the satisfaction we get is TO have
a head pop out of an upper window and
say
"' You can move right along; we don't
want nothing to-day
E" It's small odds TO them whether
you've had anything to eat for three
days or not. You may be hungry enough
to talk an old man with bare gums into
buying toothbrush, but what's the
good if you're not allowed To get into
the house whore you can turn your
tongue loose on emf And it won thelp
the matter none, either, for YOU TO set
down on the steps and wait for some
body TO come out, even if the weather
amt against you. No, that amt good
plan, no matter if you do have an
along 10 keep off ashes and
other things that's dumped down on
you. There was a time when strategy
like that was the same as having money
out on interest, but the birds are getting
too sharp now 20 choke on that sort Of
chaff any more.
If you rig up little stand on the
street corner, loaded with bottles filed
with acid and rainwater at a cost of less
than two cents gallon, and pace the
sidewalk from morning till night,
shouting
"' Here's your warts, corns and bun
ions-take 'em off and sell you the medi-
cine-Only twenty-five cents bottlep
You may not have so many Jumps
and sore spots TO grease up with salve
when night comes, but ] don't think
you'll find any more change in your
breeches pocket You may stand there
on a box with a roll Of cotton batting
wound all around you, while you make
the crowd believe yO1're cramming an
other one into your stomache, and a.
long as you make fool of yourself free
Of charge you'll find plenty TO stand and
sec you do it, but you just hint money
once, or bring out your stock and try TO
sell it, and sec how quick they'll climb.
That's just how it is with our bust
ness to-day, sir, leaving off all white
wash, and letting il show up just AZ IL
stands Whether it's the silver business
that's TO blame, or not enough green
backs, or too much politics, or the war
trouble, or the strikes last year, or the
incomprehensiblc weather, don't know
but ] do know that prosperity is n mighty
hard pony 10 saddle just about now.
Thank you, sir them crackers brings up
memories Of b0yhood, and that cheese Is