Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1878-05-16

VA A tramp passing tnrouSu d NAiaSo' 1e'
a young man who is something of wag, in
the outskirts of the town, and interviewed
him, with the following result:
"What accommodations has this town for
travellers ?" asked the tramp.
"Five good hotels" was the reply.
"Yes; but what accommodation for poor
travellers, who cannot pay for lodging?"
"Very poor. The cells in the Jail are not
as comfortable as in ordinary horse-stslls."
II should think fellow would be liable to
take cold" pensively mused the tramp.
Take cold p replied the young man.
"Why, two tramps froze to death there, one
day last week."
II should think it would be to the interest
of the town to furnish more comfortable &C.
commodation. 1t must be very expensive to
bury the bodies this cold weather."
"Oh ! no." said the young man. "On the
contrary, it is very profitable; they send the
bodies to the dissectipg room, and get twenty
FIVE dollars apiece for them" :"
The tramp borrowed chew, inquired the
distance to Shurburn, and rapidly moved
northward.
PRETTY WELL, Thank YoU.-"Why,
how d. y do, Mrs. Careful? Are your folks
pretty we'll ?" asked one friend of another
whom she met in Hampstead few days ago
"Oh, yes, pretty we'll, thank you-that is,
about as we'll as usual. Father hasn't been
quite we'll since he banked up the cellar last
fall and overwerked himself; thinks he hurt
his side. And mother has got the rheuma,
tism so bad that she hasn't been able to get
down stairs in a week. Matilda Ann has a
slight touch of the diphtheris, so the doctor
says. Jimmy can't speak above whisper
for sore throat. Susie is just getting anoth.
er rising in her ear, and the baby has had
two more spells of Group. My husband can
hardly do any work on account of his sore
eyes, and I thought I'd die last night with
neuralgia in my head; but we're all about as
common. How's your folks?"
BS- The story is told, and is said to be en-
tirely true, that at recent dedication OF
Baptist church, the ceremony Of immersion
was performed for the first time in that church
by we'll known Baptist minister. When he
had entered the water, and while waiting for
the candidate, the minister suggested that
somebody should sing an appropriate hymn.
One of the deacons, who stood near by,
heard the suggestion and without thinking,
struck up the familiar hymn, "Pull for the
Shore"
The hymn proved to be so suggestive, it is
stated, that neither the minister nor congre'
CATION could refrain from an audible smile
for some time, and the ceremony had to be
postponed until the preacher could recover his
gravity.
WHAT IT REMINDED HIM OF.-An Aus
tin man, according to the ReveiHe, bought
broom, and when asked if he would have it
sent to his house, said
mo; but don't you know whenever my
wife sends me to the store to buy broom, it
always reminds me of the time when was
boy going to school"
"How is that ?" asked the clerk.
swell, you see, when was going to school,
and used to cut up any didoes, the teachsr
would give me his jack-knife and send me out
to cut birch switches to whale me with. See
the point7'
The clerk said he thought he saw it.
"a In wild part of Scotland, a dealer in
fish used to drive his cart considerable dis
tance inland. On one occasion, when passing
a wild moor, where, although there did reside
schoolmaster, the knowledge of the inhab-
itants of affairs in general was not extensive,
he dropped lobster. Some children picked
it up, and, wondering what the strange crea-
ture could be, took it to the schoolmaster.
The dominic put on his spectacles, and, turn
ing it over and over, examined it carefully.
"Weel," at length said the oracle, II ken
maist O. the wonderful animals O creation,
except jist twa, and those twa l never saw.
They are an elephant and turtle-dove; and
SO this must be one O the twa."
saE A man from Boston would not confess
astonishment at anything he saw in Nevada.
AS he was passing hotel in Virginia City
the cap blew from one of the chimneys. 1t
was a circular piece of sheet-iron, painted
black, slightly convex, and the four supports
were like legs. The wind carried it down
street, and it went straddling along like a
living thing. The man asked what it was.
"A bed bug from the hotel" was the reply.
"By George! 1 never saw anything like
that" he began, and then added-"outslde
of Boston"
w" "Sir," asked an attorney, the other day,
of a witness who was giving evidence in case
of assault and battery, shave you been in this
court before?"
Eyes, sir" answered the witness, II have
been here often"
"Ah been here often, have you ?" said the
attorney, in a triumphant tone. "Now tell
the Court what for"
"Well," replied the witness, slowly, II have
been here at least dozen times to see you
to try and collect that tailor's bill you owe. y
INTELLECTUAL EMPLoYMENT.-A man
lately entered a tavern in France, looking
dreadfully wearied, and with face as long
as crescent moon. He seated himself Ian
guidly at the table where previous custom
er was taking his glass of absinthe "Sir,'
said the latter, alphabetically, "you appear
much fatigued." "Yes," replied the other
"headwork, sir, headwork." Dramatic wrl
ter, possibl y?' "No, sir; am hair-dresser
and to day shaved twenty stubby boards and
cut the hair Of thirty heads.
sg- A bashful young man applied to hi'
village paper for information on the impor
tant subject, "How to win woman's love-
The reply was, kiss the babies, caress the
..,+ on1 nov strict attention to the ole