The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-04-19
HEPHONOGRAPH.
An Evening with the Machine In
MeNferu Home.

II happened that Mrs. BarsunRloW
was going down to Keokuk for q few
days, and Mr.. B~arstingloW was %inconsol.
able. Al one time be protested that she
should not 90; he could not endure the
lonesome hours during her absence,
And then again, he declared that II she
must go, he would neglect his Office, aud
let bis business go to the bow vows, and
he wonld 70 with her. Atlength, how
ever, she persuaded him TO be reasona.
bic, and on her repeated Insurance that
she should not remain any longer than
three days, he consented TO let her go.
He even bought her ticket, and ordered
the carriage and paid for 1t two days
ahead, lest his resolution should give
way end he should forbid her going from
him. And from that time till the morn
ing Of her departure Mr.. iB~asstinglow
spoke 10 subdued tones, and moved about
with the air Of u man whore heart was
buried under mountains Of grief.
Before che left the house, Mrs. Bars.
tinglow set the photograph in the sitting
room, behind the clock. Then abe kissed
her ~disconsolate husband, and begged
him to preserve his precious life for her
aake while she was away, and then she
was gone. va
Every day, during her visit In the
Gate City, she received 4 letter from her
mourning husband, begging her to come
back, and telling her how lonesome he
was without her, and how like 4 grave
the empty house seemed, and how the
hours dragged over his aching heart with
leaden feet. And In three days she came
home, and filled the solemn house with
sunlight and laughter again.
The eyeeing after her return TO Bur.
lington, she took down the photograph.
III WONDER Ahe said, "what we said
last in It's hearingl II must have been
something while We were discussing my
visit. Or may be, it has caught some Of
your poor, longing meanings while was
away
And then she turned the crank.
4" No" croaked the photograph, in
tones OF hearty reinsurance, " NJ danger
Of that she Is sale In Keokuk for three
days; raw her safely of, myself. this
morning. Light your cigar while 1 light
another lamp and make the room look
cheerful"
"Why," exclaimed Mrs. B~srstinglow,
10 q cUuntenance of amazement, "what
on earth is 1t sayingf"
"0h, some nonsense some Of your Wis.
itors have talked into il some time or
other" replied her husband, nervously,
!" people talk all kinds Of stuff into u
%phonograph, you know. They say any.
thing for talk.n
Mrs. B~arstinglow, looking only hall
convinced gave the crank another turn.
@This - good whiskey, Barsiy," ejAcu-
lated the machine, very earnestly. "You
don't get 1t in burlington, do your
Mrs. BarslingIow gave a little shrek.
"My dear" said her husband, looking
now quite as worried as he had looked
when be was begging her not 10 go 10 Ke.
okuk, " put it away; somebody has had il
out in the stable, and it mightsay soms-
thing perfectly shocking, you know. Put
1t away"
But Mrs. Ba%rstinglow, upon whom the
spirit Of investigation had descended
with great power, ground away, and the
monograph, in q voice marvelllously
like her husbands, went remorselesslyon on.
"Not much; they don't make this Kind
now. ltssome old M%onongahela, copper
distilled, that Mrs. B~arstinglowis mother
gave her for medicinal purposes three
years ago. Fill up, there's plenty Of it,
and | can replace it with any kind Of
beverage when it's gone. The old girl
wontt Epow the lif~TarpnreV
Mrs. Barsiinglow felt herself turning
to stone, but the next turn OF the crank
brought out an uproariOus-
aha, ha, ha! Here's TO the oe!'
That famed her cheeks into Il flame.
aFor mercy's sake, Malachi Barsting.
low" she shrieked, what does this meant"
Mr.. Barstinglow now looked as though
he really did wish she had never gone TO
Reokuk.
"Its just az l tell you" he said, with
an effort to look unconcerned that was
like 3 humorous book, Il colossal success,
40 far as its utter failure was concerned,
Somebody hiss been talking all sorts Of
nonsense into it just for talks sake. How
else could it get hold Of such dreadful
stuff in our dear little home, lovey?'
Mira. Barstinglow didn't say, but she
turned away and the phonograph asked
carelessly,
"rhrow round for the dealt"
She thought she would faint but she
didn't, and the pitiless machine proceeded
10 remark, with a variety Of voices,
"It,s my ace" "You'll have to strad.
die that blind II you come inn "Give me
two cards." "Chip one." an see your
little one and raise you a couple "PuSh
the bottle this way, Ben" "Ain,t you
going to stay in Harry" "can't stay in
on a pair Of Sizes" "Call you" 1.-TWO
small pair, kings TO head.h "Tens and
deuces. Take the pot" "Barsty, get us
something to eat. Old girl left the cup
board keys, didn't shel' ''Yes; told her I
wa going 10 keep bach, at home, to save
expenses and keep out Of bad company"
ala, ha, hall Hot hol hollp
"0hl" yelled Mr.. Barstinglow, unable
10 contain himself any longer, while his
wife, more dead than alive, leaned over
the monograph and ground away at the
crank, 10 q dazed kind Of way, "0h, keep
II up! That's right! Keep her agoing2
Grlnu IL all QUIZ COnlOunu tue ulhuoli-
cal piece Of black art and the vile assass.
In that invented il. Keep 1t upl That's
righl! Believe q senseless diabolical
piece Of monstrous mechanism rather
than your husband. Keep her a going.
Keep IL upi"
And Mrs. Barstinglow did keep it up.
She kept Il up and listened 10 that phon:
ograph swear and shout and howl; she
heard II shrek, "obl my eye, my eyt!"
She heard il tell some one TO let some
one else shave II again In the same places"
she heard Il warn somebody TO "hold his
head oyer the stove hearth, and not let
his nose bleed on the carpet and at last,
as It assured her very thickly and with
some difficulty, that II was "a ban Of jorry
goof tuf fuf.feiiows,n and that II "won'.hic
won gone till morning." she ground 1t
into silence, and sank back, speechless
and biesthless, while Mr.. BSrstinglow
took the phonograph out into the back
yard ssnd smashed it into go many and
such email fragments that 1t couldn't re
produce even a steamboat whistle.
And now, when people go over to the
%Barstinglow's TO spend apleasant evening,
and happen 10 say, what have you done
With the nhonograph. MI, B~ArstinRloW?"