The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1878-07-09
sUNBEAMs.

Frightening. A Canada man has eloped
with one.
An abandoned wretch affirms that in en-
gagiug wife only a ring is necessary, but
nothing short of cash will secure a good
hired girl.
"What is home without q moth there3
Whitehall Times. What Is the reason
for?
What is tho difference between tenant
and the son of widowp The tenant has
to pay rents; the son of widow has not
two parents.
You can now buy considerable amount
of elephant for fifteen hundred dollars, but
in our day it has cost more than that to see
the elephant.
''Beg pardon for stepping on your train,"
said a fop at ball; then added, "You
ought to have cow-cateher on it." "And
! would have caught calf, said the young
lady.
For rich man to make will that will
please all his heirs is about as difficult a
task as for an editor to undertake TO print
q newspaper to please all his readers.-
NOrrtstowa Herald.
A negro boy was driving mule, when
the animal stopped and refused to bulge.
"Won't you go, eh ?" said the boy. Feel
grand, do you? I s'pose you forget your
farder was a jackass!"
"John," said a cockney solicitor to his
son, 'T see you'll never do for all attorney
you have no henergy." "Skuse me father"
said John, "what want is some of your
chickanary."
'Pa, what is legislature "a legisla-
ture, my son, is body elected by the
sovereign people," ''But what is legisa-
ture for, papa?" 20, my boy, it's to kill
time-only to kill time"
Teacher with reading class: Boy (read-
ing)-And as she sailed down the river.
Teacher-Why are ships called she :? Boy
(precociously alive to the responsibilities
of his sex)-Because they need men to
manage them.
The first thing a wife does now when her
husband dies, is to run over to his Office
and inquire of the clerk in smothered tones
Glow much insurance did the old man
have on his life? And was the last pre-
MUM paid?"
What is your chief consolation in life ?"
asked pastor of young lady in Bible
class. The young lady blushed and heSi-
tated but said, 81 don't like to tell you
his name, but have no objection to telling
you where lie lives"
An Illinois woman has written to one of
the assistant ostmaster-generals to pick
her out good young man for husband.
She thought his experience with the mails
would give Linn al advantage in the selec-
ton.
If you have not got wife of your own
to keep you posted in the private atu rs of
your neighbors, why, then, get Sc eral
telephones As rule, one good, brisk
wife, who takes a pride in her mission, is
equal to six high pressure telephones.
A maiden of twenty-five was lately
throwing out affected sneers at matrimony,
when friend in the company observed,
that marriages were made in heaven" "
"Can you tell me, sir, rejoined the sly
nymph why they are SO slow in coming
down"
A young man of Houghton, Michigan,
drowned himself because, as he said in
note left behind, he was ''too honest
and good" 1t is unusual for young
men of this character to act thusly, They
generally go into the newspaper busi-
ess.-N0lYlStown HerUld.
They have an oil we'll in Pennsylvania
that spouts balls of fire. They are boring
for one on Cape Cod which is expected to
spout fshballs, although from the peculiar
formation of that we'll known neck of land
there are some who predict that it will
spout sandwiches there.
A cautious man may seek recreation in
toying with the hind hoofs of the abrupt
mule, but only the most reckless cuss will
follow within a couple rods of the agile
young woman who kicks her train into the
air and catches it on the fy.-WorceSter
Press
A tom cat is more Independent animal
| than man. When man comes home at
| 2 or o'clock in the morning he slips in
as quietly as possible, but tom-cat don't
seem to care. The later the hour, and the
nearer the house it approaches, the louder
it will yell.
Parent (whose daughter has weakness
for an artist: 81 hear thatyou take walks
with that picture making fellow. Have no
more to say to him A smart fellow, with
no coat to his back" Smart grandson:
80 come, now, grandpa he's not much
worse than you in that respect-for yes
terday heard the doctor say you hadn't
any coat to your stomach"
A Danbury man recently went to see a
friend in an insane retreat. He stood for
moment before fne-looking man he had
seen before at the institution, and inquired
his name Julius Caesar, sir" said the
lunatic. "Why, you were Alexander when
was here before, were you not? 80,
why, yes, but that was by former wife, u
said the crazy man, not at all discon-
certed.