The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1878-06-19
MISCELLANY.
CURED BY OR EMATI0N.

Mrs. Boggs has been under the weather for
two OF three days. At least she said she was,
but these attacks came rather frequently,
Boggs thought, for when his wife was having
one of her off spells she had to cook the
meals and do all the housework. We don't
remember what particular state the weather
was in this last time, but Mrs. Boggs was I'M
der it, and she was under it very bad. She
even told Boggs that she didn't believe she
was ever going to get out of it, and she made
hysterical request that he bury her in some
sunny spot where the birds might come and
sing to her, and she made him promise that
he would bring flowers once week and scat
ter them over her grave. A dozen times that
day was Boggs called from his work in the
kitchen to bid last farewell to his dying
wife, but still she fingered. He had been
through this experience a great many times
before, so he wasn't so much alarmed as he
might otherwise have been.
That night as he sat watching, like the af-
( fectionate husband that he was, at her bed
side, she saw that he was deeply engrossed in
book.
" What arc you reading. DEAR" she family
asked.
"a railroud guide, my love-" was the re-
ply.
What dc you want with a railroad guide ? ,
she inquired.
81 want to see how far it is to Washington,
Pa, and see how the trains rum" said Mr..
Boggs.
She would have asked him what he had to
do with Washington, Pa, but he got up and
went out and she fell into doze, the inclina-
ton to which she didn't care to express, even
though it delayed the final departure that she
SO often prated about. When she awoke
she saw Boggs bending over her with can
die. He evidently hadn't observed that she
was awake, so closing her eyes she feigned
sleep and overheard the following soliloquy,
which sufficiently explained to her now thor
oughly awakened senses his inquiry of the
railroad guide about the route to Washington,
Pa. "Splendid subject for cremation-a lit
tie scraggy (Nlrs Boggs' fingers worked nerv-
ously under the bed-clothes and she had hard
work to keep from flying at him), but the
scraggy ones incinerate quicker than the fat
ones, the doctor says. She could be creased
if necessary to make her go quicker. Think
| Til send her up by express, as I'm too busy
in the store to get away. Her ashes can be
forwarded to me in an envelope through the
mail I'll know them, audible cbuckle. y
They'll be under the weather every few weeks
and want to die. And they'll ask me to bury
them in some sunny spot where the birds can
come and sing to 'em. I'll send word to Dir.
lie Moyne to make it hot for her-she has
kept things hot enough for me. And I'll tell
him to let all the reporters in, so as to give
her good send eff through the papers, and
whoop her up Liza Jane. Sorry l can't be
there to stir her up myself, and"
A thrilling, ear-piercing scream came from
the woman under the weather, and with a
bound sufficient to land her on the top of any
weather that ever lived, she sprang out of bed
and had Boggs by the ear in flash, while she
fairly screamed {:
"You'll cremate me, will you You'll
send my scraggy body up to Washington by
express giving his ear wiring between the
sentence J and tell that wicked old wretch
LIE Moyne, to make it hot for me /; and you'll
have my ashes sent to you in a letter grow.
ing more and more wrathy, and humping
him over the head with the candlestick she
had snatched away from his hand } and bury
me in some sweet sunny spot (whack !! where
the birds may come and sing Ding } and you
want the reporters there (bang J to whoop 'el
up Liza Jane, Doom } Oh, you mean, wretch
ed, wicked old man, you I'll live a hundred
years to spite you, (biff J see if don't +"
Then she pushed Boggs out of the door
and bolted it, and he had to make up a bunk
on the ktehin floor that night, next to tho
stove. But a peculiar smile played about
Boggs' face, even when he was rubbing the
sore spots on his bald head, and he murmuret
softly to himself, q Guess I've cured her o
them spells for one while"
Mrs. Boggs hasn't been under the weather
SINCE but mention of the word cremation
drives her Wild Cincinnati Saturday Night