The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-08-31
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
The motto of lovers is, q plural buss yum,
yum.''
Wherever Christians 60, they whiten the
soil with human bones and L viii not have
Christianity in my empire. Emperor Of ChiHa
Lock not upon the ice water when it beadeth
itself upon the outside of the goblet, for at the
last it doubleth man up like watered stock
in a railroad company.
Talmage says of some who marry for money:
" have seen men who, at the marriage altar,
thought they were annexing something more
valuable than Cuba, who found out afterward
that they had got only an album, Lady's
Magazine, and a medicine chest"
81 suppose you have been to your lodge ?''
she scornfuly inquired when she opened the
door upon him suddenly at midnight. No,
no, my dear" Blinks replied, with gushing
candor, So you see, | stopped at a strawb'ry
tes'v'l on my way home-an' the berries soured
Oh my stomach.
celebrated actress, whose fresh smile and
silver voice favored the deception, always called
herself " sweet sixteen" She stated her age
at I6 in Court as a witness. Her son was
directly afterward called up and asked how
old be was. Six months older than my
mother" was the honest reply.
When Mr. Billony went home and saw a
handsome bouquet reposing on one of the parlor
chairs he mentally observed that it was shame
to let such beautiful flowers lie there to wither,
so he took them up tenderly, procured basin
of water and placed them carefully therein, and
the same instant his wife gave piercing shrek
and tainted dead away. But it was too late.
Mrs. Billony's new spring bonnet was utterly
ruined.
1t is lucky that some men are poor, for riches
would only help them to display their weakness
and folly. Many a ones inslgnifcance is his
safety. Give him prominence and everybody
would see what fool he is. There is an odd
sentence floating about which cannot be forgotten
because 1t expresses so much truth, and it is to
this effect The higher an ape climbs the more
he shows his tail. Riches would utterly spoil
half the world, and yet that very half is exceed
ingly anxious to have the statement proved true
in its own case.
Little John is visiting his grandfather. This
is an extract from letter to bis mother '' Po-
tato bugs is plenty, an enjoy 'em very much
cause they makes grandfather swear, an every
time he biles over he spills his false teeth, an
he always forgets ware he spills 'em an he hires
us to roust 'em out. So yer see huntin's good
here. He pays US in pigs, an fore the sesln' s
over L think lie hev enuf to start swine shop.
Tell Sam Jenkins, cause it'll make him hoppin'
mad to know ime hevin' such a binanzer."
Domestic joys are great mystery, but some
peoples peculiar appreciation of them is a
greater mystery still. A gentleman Just re-
turned from " Yurrup,'' as John Cough says
the word pronounced, vowed that he never
would travel any more and then wiped tear
from his left-handed cheek, " just think of
nv i'll luck" he said. " At one Of the crowded
stations L lost both my gold-headed cane and
my wife" He was silent for a few grIet-strlck-
en- moments, and then added, in fearful tones,
"a And it was bran new cane, too"
John Phoenix,'' the American humorst,
being one night at a theatre, fancied he saw a
friend some three seats in front of him. Turning
to his next neighbor he said '' Would you be
kind enough to touch that gentleman with your
stick ?'' - Certainly" was the reply, and the
thing was done, but when the individual thus
assaulted turned round Phoenix saw he was not
the man he took him for, and became at once
absorbed in the play, leaving his friend with the
stick to settle matters with the gentleman in
front, which, as he had no excuse handy, was not
done without considerable trouble. When the
hubbub was over, the victim said : IS Didn't
YOU tell me to tap that man with my stick ??
- Yes" :" And what did you want?' 81 On,
said Phoenix, with imperturbable gravity, 50
wanted to see whether you ,UOuld or not
So Jack Holiness man -about-town, living nc
ore knew how, was once under cross-examinatior
by certain sergeant-at-law, who knew his mar
too well. g Now, sir, said the learned gentle
man, '' tell the jury how you live
50 WELL" said Holmes, ga chop or steak
and on Sundays perhaps little bit of fish an
a very plain-living man.
'' You know what mean, SIR thundered tn,
auestioner. - What do you do for living?"
g The same as you, sergeant said the witness
tapping his forehead suggestively =" and whel
that fails, do''-going through the pantomim
of writing across his hand little bit ofstu
the same you again.
" My lud, shall not ask this obtuse witnes
any more questions said the angry counsel.
'' Brother" said Baron Martin, as think yol
had better not"
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT AMONG BIRDs-In tn
cornice over the Utica Courthouse is a larg
colony of sparrows. Last week one of tn
number committed some offense aud was brough
up before of the older birds and larg
Jury. The offender must have been guilty be
yond doubt, as the trial was brief one. With
in an hour the wicked bird was seized by fou
others, and in spite of its struggles cor
attached to a bracket twisted around il
neck when all was secure the bird was droI
ped and it quickly strangled. The victims bod
still hangs from one of the pillars of the tempt
of justice, warning to all others offender
against the laws of the sparrows.- UicG Reralc