The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1878-07-14
TIE PUNATER.
The Ease and Rapidity with which Puns
Can be Manufactured.
burlington Hawkeye.l

Can be MRnUfaCt ured.
burlington Hawkeye.l
"Alcestis" wants to know If it Is very
difficult to manufacture puns. Not q bit
of it; the easiest thing In the world. Fol-
instance, you are challenged to make a
pun on Eau de Cologne. You Immediately
create hypothetical being, who, for the
purposes of the necessary vernacular, shall
be- African as to his nativity, whom you
suppose, for reasons, has borrowed, in the
bleak and impecuni0us winter days, a
Scuttle of coal Of Weather neighbor, and
which he Is, unfortunately for the man of
whom he borrowed it,, unable to repay and
hence, with the return Of the ensuing winter,
when the creditor insists upon the payment
Of the debt, Is compelled to explain that cir
Cumstances over which he has no control still
necessitate him to cove de coal loan" When
you reach this point OF your narrative you
must look tixedly and shrewdly at your
auditor fOr by that time you will have but
one eye left, II your associates are as sensible
people as we assume them to BEL and say,
with marked and changing emphasis: See ?
See Coal; coal loan; cO-lOgne-Owe de-Owe
de coal loan; eau de cologne; see de CO.
IOgne; de coal loan; coal lOan.-Owe de coal
loan" There Is no limit to the number of
repetitlons you are expected or required to
make OF the explanatory clause. Most pun
sters repeat 1t about 1879 times. We have
friend, who Is gifted punster, and he doesn't
often get through the explanatory clauses
until about the end of next week. His wit is
greatly admired at quiet gatherings of liter
airy people, although the records show that
he has been dubbed off of Main street at diff
ferent times by every business man In Bur-
lington.
You can shine most brightly at little even
ing parties by punning on the names of the
people present A few evenings ago we heard
very brilliant thing by young gentleman
to Miss Smith, and with sudden inspira-
ton of genius that astonished his most init
mate friends, he affected lisp and said: "Oh,
this is NTH Smith; is NTH Smith; see is
NTH Smith; s NTH Smith" He began that
about o'clock and went through the rooms,
cOrnering people who were afraid to kill him,
and saying it to them. At half-past II the
last guest departed and heard, as he went out
OF the gate, this young man telling this pun
to the hostess, while the servant girl was at
the head of the stairs trying to hold back the
host, who was trying to get down stealthiiy
and unObserved with the shot gun.
Always make puns on passing events.
Fairs. county fairs, or church fairs are splen-
did subjects for original puns. So are safes
We know young man, q graduate of
an Ann Arbor millinery establishment, who
would walk about the streets for DAYS until
he found a gang Of men hosting safe into q
secOnd-stOry office, and then he would stand
around that spot so long as the work went on,
and stop every man that went ~, or rather
tried to get by, and say to him: This is safe
but it isn't very safe. They'll get it in safe
you know? Safe; safe; see? safe? safe. It's
safe; safe, you know. See? safe. It's safe;
but it's not safe to stand under it. See? It
isn't safe, you know, and it is SAFE See?"
One day large safe, weighing Il, 900 pounds,
which was being hOisted into a stxth-story
window, broke the tackling and fell to the
ground, missing this young man by only
about sixteen feet. A number of Christian
men, who witnessed the accident and this
young mans escape, Immediately went off
and joined the IngersolI atheists, saying they
could not believe in a Providence that would
miss such a splendid opportunity as that.
Strange to say, this young mans parents
mother is proud of him and even urges him
TO intlict himself upon mankind.