River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1878-08-15
Sense and Nonsense.


A two-foot rule--keep your feet dry
Love, fire and cough cannot be hid.
Many win give advice; few will give help
Measure ten times. you can cut only once.
! A worm on the hook is worth two in the
mud.
Our actions are our own; their consequences
| belong to Heaven.
There is a boy in Chicago so bright that
his mother looks at him through smoked
| glass.
would not live Away / care not to stay,
1t cost too much for washing, wearing three
| shirts day.
Who is powerfulq He who can control his
| passions. VINO is rich? He who is contented
| with what he has.
A granger observed lady kick up her
skirts yesterday, and exclaimed: I-or', I've
| COW that can do that"
One of Jasper's converts Is frank enough
to reply; = doan know whedder l'ze got re-
| ligion or notify me wild chickunW
"What is patienceY' asked a teacher Of a
! class OF children. "Wait a wee, and dnna
! weary" answered little Scotch girl.
A shopkeeper of great experience says that
| however talkatiye clerks may be during the
day, they are always ready to shut up at
| night.
Practical observations by the Worcester
Press The pen is mightier than the sword,
but the humble paste-pot is greater than he
! that taketh city"
The closest shave in the way of a joke re-
| Gently is the observation that the grass IS so
short in Colorado, that it has to be latnered
| before it can be moved.
One extra strong minded woman has re
| marked that an old bachelor Is a man who,
| through selfish motives, has RETAINED from
making some woman wretehed.
! The Detroit Free Press asks: Are water
| melons healthysn They are not They are
| dropscal, and never attain ripe old age"
| seldom living over six months.
| A Maiden school teacher kept a youth 10
minutes after school, and the boy asked her
| to make it half an hour, as he thought she
was the prettiest teacher in town.
"Beg pardon for stepping your train"
! said flop at ball; then added, you ought to
have cow-catcher on it," "And would have
caught calf" said the young lady
A Mr. Post of Ohio, aged one. hundred
/ years, is missing from home. His friends
| should look for him in the dead letter office,
where he is probrbly held for Post age.
| Thought I'd leave my measure on your
/ floor "said a man who fell down in a barroom
| NO necessity for that said the barkeeper;
1--WE know exactly how much you hold"
The Russians give their dogs the powdered
| Larvae of the rose-b beetle as preventive for
! hydTophobia. The same remedy is given to
! human beings who have been bitten by dogs.
Success in life is very apt to make us forget
| the time when we weren't much. 1t is just
so with the frog on jump; he can't remcm-
| Der when he was q tadpole-but other folks
can.
| These are days Of progress. 1t took Moses
/ forty years to travel through the wilderness
/ The average bank cashier of to-day would
cover the ground In about twenty-fonr
| hours.
The following sentiment is attributed to
| Napoleon Bonaparte: "A handsome woman
pleases the eye, but good woman Pleases the
! heart. The one is jewel, the other
1 treasure
/ Angels in the grave win not question thee
| as to the amount Of wealth thou has left be
| hind thee, but of good deeds thou hast done
| in the world, to entitle thee to seat among
1 the blessed.
81 wonder where those clouds are going"
sighed Flora, pensively, as she pointed, with
a delicate finger, to the heavy masses floating
| in the sky, al think they are going to thumb
err said her brother.
Women are not very proud OF their ances-
| try; not nearly much as men. You will
/ find a thousand men named Adam where you
| will find one woman named after her lllustrl-
| Gus grandmother, Eve.
| The ruling passion cropped out in a barber
! who while shaving the face of dead man gave
the corpse the whole history of the European
war, the rise and fall OF gold, and the pro-
! gress of the rapid transit railroads.
| a man In lliluOlb committed sQlCluee Df
| drowning, lately, In six inches OF water. lie
| couldn't have done it alone, but his wife, with
| the selfsacrfcing devotion and helpfulness
SO characteristic of the sex, sat on his head.
| Sarah Ann: Oh, amt my brother a clever
| boy, Eliza Jane? He's on'y bin to SCHOOL
| two months, an he's got the catechsm. Eliza:
| Wot's that? Why my brothers on'y bin to
| school two weeks ar he's got tie measles.
| AS a note OF travel-on toot-the remark of
| tramp who was begging something to eat is
| one OF the best on record. He was so thin,
| he said that when he had pain he couldn't
| tell whether it was stomachache or back
| che.
The phonograph may bottle up the voice
| and pass II down to future ages; but the
| smile that twists the face Of man as he
| seeks solitude and gazes upon his name in
print for the first time, viii always have TO be
| guessed at.
A Germantown gentleman mas a dog that
| will not permit him to enter the house if his
| wife his out of temper. The animal foresees
| q "tinIen between his master and mistress,
| and out of consideration for the latter prevents
4 his entrance.
"And now, young gentlemen, which of you
can tell the name of the greatest of the plan
/ ets-the champion planet, so to speak-of our
/ solar system / can sir. dts Saturn"
And how is that, pray9 why, because he
carries the belt
"What's that?' he asked his landlady, as she
| set MS cup Dy his plale. CoHee, was tue
prompt reply. "Ab" innocently remarked the
boarder, with an air of interest, land what is 1t
made ofg And there was lence around the
table for the space of half an hour.
One of the great and lamentable mistakes of
| many pastors is in not weaving i'm some
thing for the children at every public Sunday
/ service As a rule, every part ofevery service
| is beyond their reach, whether it be the pray
ing, reading, singing or preaching.
| A. nox,;,o,, v- ~, axyobapoa hos M do
money enough ont of THAT Husband of
Minen to purchase a Washington residence.
| 1t is not strange; many woman has made
/ enough money ont of that husband OF hers to
! go into all sorts of extravagances.
Sunday at home-Mamma: Now Jack,
there are ten commandments you have to
keep. If you took thing that wasn't yours
| YOU would break q commandment Jack
| remembering something about some little
! darkies): "And then there'd be nine."
"Ten dimes make one dollar said the
schoolmaster. Now go on, sir. len doliors
make one what?" "They make one mighty
| glad these times" replied the boy; and the
| teacher, who hadn't got his last months sal
airy yet, concluded that the boy was about
right.
Let him who gropes painfully in darkness
| or uncertain light, and prays vehemently that
| the dawn may ripen into day, lay this precept
| well to heart: "Do the duty which lies near
est to thee which thou knowest to be duty;
thy second duty will have already become
clearer"
as it becoming to meY' asked she, as she
paraded in the costume of one hundred
Years ago before her husband. "Yes my
DEAR said he meekly. Don't you wish |
could dress this way all the timer she asked.
| NO. my dear" he replied; shut ! wish you
| had lived when that was the style"
Accelerated actress, whose fresh smile and
! silvery voice favored the deception. always
| called herself sweet sixteen She stated
| her age as sixteen in a court as witness. Her
| son was directly afterward called up, and
| asked how old he was. six months older
than mother" was the honest and candid
| reply.
"How did you come to know her?n asked a
mother of her little girl as she saw her bid
ding goodbye to poorly dressed child at the
church door. why you see, mamma, she
came into our Sunday school alone, and /
made place for her on my seat and smiled
and she smiled and then we were acquainted
saa,1 49, ~ w. j. Ia