Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1878-02-06
FUNNYGRAPHs.

. IT is nil wind that blows nobody no
= good.
!, A SPANKING team pair Of young
mothers.
81 DO not ask thee for thy hand" n
the child said when gazing earthward
DER its parents knee.
A CHILD thus defines gossip: "Irs
when nobody don't do nothing, and some
body goes and tells of it,
JOSEPH COOKS definition Of small
philosopher is quotable: cone who
guesses at half, and multiplies it by two"
/ Oh, wunst luvd anuther sal,
Hur name 1t was murrer,
/ but $ trah, deer, mi luy for u
10 forty times mole hier!
/ 1.-TWO bits worth of complexion" is
ss she meanders into her favorite drug
store.
! A NEW YORK barber has parrot
which shouts Next" and thus the
thread of the BARRIERS discourse is not in
tarrupted. Worcester P,css
81 CAN'T undertake, wife, to crafty
all your wlims; it would be as much as
my life's WORTH" "Oh, sir, that's
nothing"
How to become no-toe-rious-Put the
end of your foot in a patent threshing
machine. Just "put your foot in it" 80
to speak,
| The cordwood in the other mans lot
ia Just about ripe enough to gather.
best time to harvest it.
IT s,ems strange that q soft winter
should be hard winter, and yet the
present soft winter is hard winter on
fur and fuel men.
A KANSAS woman has reached the age
of 1870 years, and it is pitiable sight to
see her I00-year-old son sit in the corner
and wiggle while he sobs, /" Ma, kin 60
out?"
GEORGE ELIOT is impolitely called by
Swinburn "an Amazon thrown sprawl
ing over the crupper of her spavined and
spur-galled Pegasus"
| UNHAPPY VICTIM" You humbug!
thought you told me you could extract
teeth without pain" Bland operator
$50 did my dear sir; and can assure
you did not suffer in the slightest"
| THE following belongs to "Green
| Erin" and may be seen on tombstone in
town near Dublin:
Here lies the kody Of John Mound,
Lost ut sea amt never found.
| AN old bachelor said he once fell in
love with young lady, but abandoned
Ell idea Of marrying her when he found
that she and all her family were opposed
to it.
"How can leave thee?" said Adam
to Eve. She made no reply, but calmly
pointed to afig-tree in the distance. He
gathered an armful and felt greatly re-
lieved. This was the first re-leaf.--
Hackensack Repabsican.
| A CINCINNATI paper makes mention
of a grim joke in the promise OF the sue
cessors of a bankrupt firm in that city
that they will pursue the same business
policy which has characterized their past
transactions.
He gave his youngest con a box of
tools and bottle of mucilage. And
now he thinks it is his turn to treat HIM
SELF He is treating himself to new
carpet, q parlor table, several rolls of
wall paper, and yard of sectien rattan.
Puck.
! A BOSTON teacher, who in fitof vex-
alton called her pupils set of young
adders, on being reproved for her Ian
guage explained by saying that she was
speaking to those just commencing
arithmetic.
"THAT gun you sold me burstsd the
first time / fred it Of" said an irate
sportsman to Mr.. Shoot. That's very
strange" said the latter, " it never did 20
before. You must have been putting
powder in it."
TINES are hard at Washington, and
local creditors have adopted the ingoni-
Gus device of sending their bills TO New
York, whence they are expressed back TO
the debtors in neat bOxeA, labelled
" Valrable-C. O. D"
!. A RED-HAIRED lady, who was am
bilious of literary distinction, found but
poor sale for her book. A gentleman,
in speaking Of her disappointment, saad:
" Her hair is red, if her book i no" /"
An auditor, in attempting to relate the
Joke elsewhere, said: She has red hair,
If her book hasn't"
A SCHOOL teacher in lafayette. Ind,
Furnishes saucy children by placing her
hngers in the corners of their mouths
and stretching them until they howl
with pain. She will get hold Of ! red-
headed boy, some Of these days With
double-iointed teeth, and then the school
: will howl with applause while she exc
= cates lightning jig on one foot.
3 WHILE he was counting over the col
lection money on Sunday last the deacon
! of Washington church found an old
e and faded piece of paper which, being
I unfolded, proved to be his own nearly
!: outlawed note for $50, which the holder,
: unable to collect, had turned into the
/ treasury of the Lord.
r A BABY in the house il well-spfine
: Of pleasure" Please cut this out and
| paste it on the goose grease bottle, g
j that you may be gently admonishcd a
/ take correct view Of the situatinn tht
: next time you have tn get up ct u y,
on account Of the well-springs showing
croupy symptoms.
"pIL bet make him break II a
week." said Troy youth when he saw
!. companion, urged by his betrothed, tahl
!. the pledge at public temperance nAeot
4 ing. The effort was succesaful, and whes
n the your9 man came to his sennos ~ ~
: !, so much mortified that he went upoa I
= : spree which ended with hi death i
: few days !.
{ aWHAr il your chief consolation 4
3 life?" asked PASTOR ct yoang 10y 8
a | his Bible clazA Tho young 10y nlaeees
t + and hesitased, but, o. ~ qhe.etea =
s ing repeated, the ingeninne Mataea aaa1
Y y z / don't like 10 tell yOu IN AArne -
8 have no objecti0A y telltng I'M Mnegg =
q he lives.