The Osceola times., 1878-05-18
FACTS AND FANCiEy.

THE bell punch noteth even the fill
Of a swallow.
"As pOoty as new cofiu," il . Caro-.
lima utterance OF admiration.
FIRST URCHIN doctor gets
sick, what makes 'em get another. dostoE
to give 'em medicine p second Urchin
-"Cos they can't take their own medi>
cine; it's too nasty. They give 1t 70
felix's"
JUNIOR CLERK" Would you permit
me TO absent myself Tomorrow TO attend
my fathers funeral ?" Head of firm
(deep in fgures) -" You may 20,
Hawkins, but do not let THE happen
again."
"WHy Ia It, my dear sir" said Wafles'
landlady to him the other day, that
your newspaper men never get rich /"
don't know" was the reply, "except
it Is that dollars and sense do not always
travel together"
YOUNG girls do not understand the
witchery Of bright eyes and rosy lips,
but set off their beauty by all the artl6.
cial means in their power. never reflect~
ing that by doing 40 they desesoy their
principal charm--that Of innocenee.
WHENEVER bone two feet1d length
and nine inches in diameter y iinearthed
in the west, they call it the tooth Of IN
animal that lived befors .the food, and
telegraph the newspapers tR&t the n.
mains of another &aatados. .have 'been
discovered.
Mr. PHGILDER went home the other
night considerably intoxicated and af1ict-
ed with double vision. He sat for some
time with his sleepy gaze riveted on Mrs.
Pilgilder, and then quietly remarked:
+" Well (hic) ! hope t'holler II YOU two
gals don't look enough alike to be (hic)
twins"
WHERE do potatoes como from I"
asked q little five>year>old. She was
told the usual thing. but where did
the first one come from 7" she persisted.
Her father said he didn't know. Then
che thought for few moments and broke
out with: Well, | suppose they made
q little 'teenty' one first, and planted It
don't you, papa"
LITTLE Johnnie has peculiar views q
to original sin. One day he was about
to be punished for some misdemeanor,
when he pleaded" It wasn't me, mamma
dear; 1t WAS the bad man." "Wesl,
Johnny, / am going to whip the bad
man out Of yoa.S "Ah, yes but that
viii hurt me a precious lot moro than Il
will the bad man."
A LADY school teacher at New York
was docked two cents the other DAY By
the principal in whose school she taught,
for being one minute late In getting to
her desk. That IL almost equal 10 Mark
Twain's story about mining com pauy
which docked q man for the time spent
In being blown up, when his back pay
was being handed to his window.
A LAwYKR ence asked the late judge
Pickens. of Alabama. tn chsrea the ipry
that cit Is better that ninety and nine
said the witty Juugo, i'wnn Hsv~'..---
charge, but in the opinion Of the court
the ninety and nine guilty men have
already escaped in this country."-
Courier.Journal.
MY journal Of Switzerland does not
mention what / we'll recollect, and
Wordsworth has we'll made the sub
iect of q sonnet, the continued bark
Ing Of dog, irritated by the echo of his
own voice. In human life this is per-
petually occurring. II Is said that .
dog has been known TO contract an illness
by the continued labor of barking ct bis
own echo, and finally to be killed BY It.
i Crabb Robinson.
THEson Of Napoleon Ill, Prince Louis:
has Just entered on his twenty.third
year. He can not exactly be called
Prince Imperial, for there Is no French
emperor. It is said that an understand
ing was arrived at long since in the
British court. and with full consent OF
The Empress Eugene, that the son Of
tte late emperor should be called, e. his
father was in his early exile, Prince
Louis Napoleon.
AN agricultural papcr gives several
directions show to tell . good egg"
They are not altogether satisfactory,
however. The quickest and sureet way
to tell good egg is to place It in one
hand and mash it with the other. II
an odor arises that leads you to believe
that bone.boiling establishmeut and
Limburger cheese factory have telescoped,
the egg is not good and you want 70
throw It away and wash your hands
This method never fails.