The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-06-13
Wit and HumOr.

"Do EDITORS ever do wrougW "No."
"What do they do3' They do write.
WhitehdN Times.
STATISTICS show that there is a doctor
to every 600 of us. No wonder there is
such an awful amount of sickness.
A BUFFALO man got kicked over by
mule, and when he got up all he said was:
well, that's abiupt"'-Er.
AT printers festival lately the follow
ing toast was offered: "Woman-Sccond
to the press in the dissemination of
news"
A UTICA doctor is about to run telc-
phone from his office to the residences of
bis patients. Death is being made easier
every year. Utica Observer.
THE Burlington Haoheye, having heard
that Miss Won Hilcrn hates awtully to
have women kiss her, remarks: Say,
Berths, donty you want to appoint re-
ceiver2'
CnRoSIC.-"Youa are looking well, Mr..
Whit" well? You know that | am
never well. Jnst as soon Ms stop being
sick for y day, feel worse for it the next
morning.
OUT in California, the land of the glo-
rious climate, the first six months of the
year they pray for rain, the remaining
six months they run away from the floods.
-Stdtistical Photographer.
Mr.. NETTLE was recently married to
Miss Thorn. That's what you might call
"a priokly pair.'-N. Y. Com. Adc.
These puns are calculated to make Nettle
rash.-PiHsb~rg Commercid'
IT was rich manufacturer Of New
Jersey who said TO his guests: Ladies'
and gentlemen, after the grapes ye shall
have bcefsteak and mushroom, and then
venison, straight from Venice
IN reply to several threatening mes
sagos sent into this Office, we desire to
explain that the man who takes thrash
ings for articles i'll this paper is out OF
town on fdrlough -CdtStiU Re
cerder.
The editor of the S.,insgrovc Times
wants cheaper whisky. Let him sign the
temperance pledge for three days, and
give the dstilleis Il chance to get little
ahead, and his desires may be sratifed,-
Betlet0nte Vdtci1naa.
PROF O-Oo new comer)-"J-,
what is the gender Of Drum" J.--'lt is
neutcr, sir no, it is masculine; no. YOU
can't tell what it is Prof. O.-"Why
can't You tell!" J.-"Why, sir, YOU can't
tell the gender till it is Matched"
A MAN suffering from govt WAS ex-
planning to friend that his doctor did
not permit him to eat sweets, potatoes,
fruits, farinaceous vegetables, ale, vine
"Well," exclaimed the friend, why do
you not get another doctori'-N. \.
Herald.
Doc .SELLEK-"That ere mammals
the real stock, mum, and dog cheap at
$50" Young widow-"It's sweet,
pretty darling, black and white; but in
my present state OF bereavement you
must procure me one entirely black. This
will do very well in about six months, for
haIf-mourning.'
A GENTLEMAN who is a sculptor in a
feeble way, was calling on lady the
other evening. "llow do you manage TO
get the right facial exprossion" she
asked, referring to his st4tucltes. VERY
simple he SAID. IL read poem ex-
pressing the passion desire to portray;
then, as my face expresses rage or love, |
plunge head foremost into mass of
putty have at hand. This retains the
impression, and there you are
Two men Of this city were out, the
other day, soliciting money for a charita-
bic object. They came t. the oilice of
certain rich man, and hesitatci about APP
proaching him. Onc of the pair finally
concluded he would try it. When he
came out his partner asked him what
luck. Not cent said the man who
had "beSrded the lion in his den'-"not
cent. told him all about the distress<
of tie family, bat it WAS of no use. lie
was as Indifferent as the rear guard of
funeral precision Virginia (Ner)
Enterprise.
"AND you are at school now, are your"
was the question OF u countrymgn to
little nephew, who, a short tine before,
had commenced his education. "And do
you like the school, my manF Yes"
whispered the boy. That's right.
You'll be a brave scholar, I'll warrant.
How far are you in your class, my little
-studcntl'' "Next to the head" Next
to the head, say your Come, now, you
deserve something for that" said his
uncle, thrusting a dime into the hands of
the delighted urchin. And how many
are in your classln 81 and a little
girl
"MABEL CLARE writes US the follow
ing ilattering inquiry; care you the au-
thor of that tender little ballad. 'Dar-