Stevens County tribune., 1878-08-08
FANCY FARMER.

hlS SCdl WIS OullOueu up u HIS ucCh
in manner indicating the fact that he
was either suffering from bronchitis or
had no shirt on.
He had a sort of Yellow Jack look
about him, and thought 1t advisable to
get out of his way. Before l could do
this he said:
LOVELY weather this. ehln
Yes rather" replied, indlfferently.
30. wnat weather this is for farmingr
II know nothing whatever of farming"
80, you don't, eh9' he murmured, with
triumphant smile; "well, you can bet
your life | understand it from beginning
to end. Yes, used to get up ideas that
would set the world derangei."
There was something so marvellous
about the mans manner of makiag simple
statements, that (although he looked as.
though he might have the yellow fever
IN his clothes, as remarked beforel,
determined to risk my life to hear the
story.
"YOu see," he went on. "when I was
quite young there was considerable
rivalry in the milk business around the
place where was brought up, ana, as
there was quite crowd of rich city peo.
pie spending the summer in the nelgh-
borhood, there was good chance to
make money on COW juice.
Somehow or other there was a good
report circulated that all the milk and
butter purchased in the place was strong
ly favored with wild onions. Says l.
I'll make nv mark now; so I put my
little idea into execution. ] was success
full. you bet, and nobody could understand
what kind of milk was giving them.
You see | fed the cows on yiolets,
oleanders, gerniums, mi ignonette, etc, in
order to get the fragrance Of those flowers
into the milk and butter; and. you bet,
got all sorts of puffs, ads encomiums,
etc, till couldn't rest. made money,
too.
You Just ought tc have tasted one of
those milk punches-yon talk about your
boss elixirs. Whoa, Jimmyw
Seeing that he was completely carried
away with himself, l assured him that /
believed every word he said (which was
liell, and l should be only too happy to
listen to any other "reminiscences he
might have to relate.
This refreshed him so much that he
completely forgot the cows, and branched
off as follows:
II once thought I could make an in
dependent fortune if could only get up
little racket to ralse fresh vegetables of
ali kinds in mldwinter. Iknew that rich
people would pay big prices tor any
thing OF the kind, so I set to work in
good earnest to ascertain if could bring
my hopes into blossom"
His me aphor was amusing.
You see, selected good sized patch
behind the house, and about two feet be-
meath the surface laid large iron pipes
about foot apart. A short distance
away / had huge furnace built. and
hired fireman to keepit i'll full! blast all
the time.
"The steam from tt is furnace passed.
through the pipes and pro~uced the nec-
essary amount OF heat to cOunteract the
effects of the cold; and the beauty of the
thing was that it made the things grow
quick. You could see the seeds burst
like percussion caps.
"Why, used to raise several crops in
one winter. As soon as I'd get the thing
going the maple trees would commence
to give syrup, and buds would burst all
around. tell you just made things
howl, and don't you forget it,"
For the purpose of seeing how far he
would carry rhs thing, interrupted him
by saying:
"You said the vegetables developed
very rapidly"
"RapidIy!' he responded, with a con-
temp uous chuckle, "welI, think they
did; why, the carrots and turnips grew so
fast under the influence Of that steam,
that alter they made their appearance
above the ground used to be compelled
to lay planks with weights on them over
the rows to keep them from jumping into
% the air''
"Remarkable !"
zone day." he continued, without no.
ticing my interruption, my grandmother
went out to take look at things, and
through her clumsiness she kicked a
PLANK off the last turnip in the row, aud
before she knew what was the matter, il
flew up and almost knocked the brains
out of her"
/ th.ught it about time to get away
from this amature Ananias, bnt he antic-
ipated me, and said >~-
''Those were only boyish frivoiities
just wait till I tell you about the time
wneL | grated wings into pigs, and had
them flying around the house like
pigeonsp'
W-h-a-t2" shouted, totally overcome
by his utter serenity Of countenance, fol
he appeared to be in dead earnest.
"Never mind, them" he went on; I'll
leave the pigs until last, and tell YOU
how found perpetual motion. You see
old Dobbin died; and we didn't know
what to do, because we were great vii
need of h1rsefesh to drag stone. VIZ
were completely puzzled at first, but
soop fixed things. w
81 got piece ofloadstone heavier thar
the wagon ard fixed it on the pole: thel
I screwed hue bar of steel on the axle
tree. | no more than did this thar
the loadstone commenced TO draw, and a
It was heavie; than the wagon. and th
steel wouidn give, of course it hauled l
right along.
"Fhe Jay tried the experiment th
wagon was EMPTY, with the exception o
myself. 1t iDfreased in speed every mo
ment, and went so fast that was afrait
to jump,of Finally it attained such We
- lcCity that / c0dIdn't see the .rees.
don't know how far | went, or how man
persons ran over; but after had bee
travelling about five minutes the old thin,
ran into stone church and almost kille,
me. was three hundred miles fror
home.o
AT this moment my friend arrived, an
left the agriculturist He eemed dis
consOlate us babe him adieu: but Eel