The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1878-01-08
n
NUMBER 1868.



The Virginia bcll-puneh is not a
thormometer-it is moro like bar
room-meter.
No man who buttons his coat with
shingle.nail should part his hair in the
middle.
While Russia is looking for new rail-
way routes she shouldn't overlook the
Car-path-ian range.
Song by Roscoe Conkling:
There's a chip on this shoulder for thee"
Robert Bruce is TO have statue at
Stirling castle. How soon, in several
Instances, We are not forgottenl
The song Of the Cincinnatian, ac-
cording 10 the Graphic-"Hold the
pork, fry ham coming"
Brigadier- General Whiskycocktailski
will be temporarily superseded by
General Swearof. Worcester Press.
The next series OF comic books will
be entitled, respectively: "My Wood
pile, "My Old Ak" and "My Lonely
Home"
"Her mouth" says the New York
Herald y. /. man. speaking of lady
who has had al her teeth pulled, sis
closed for repairs.
The fashionable dressmhker con-
tributes far more successfully to the
drama than she did in Shakespeare's
time. i Worcester Press.
Senator Morton's report on the
Chinese is called for, and, il is said,
cannot be found." Perhaps he took it
with him. Boston Post.
Now. see herel Is it a necessary
preliminary TO what is called swearing
of to be intoxicated two weeks at q
time? Dear reader, pause and reflect.
Switzerland, which has 100000
cows, has only 100000 of inhabi-
tants. Obviously there is room and
occupation in Switzerland for just an
udder million of inhabitants.
81 think we are going to have cold
er weather." said a bright little fellow
last evening, looking at the moon. II
see they have cut hole for the stove
pipe Fact Boston Transcript.
"Ttem pottery things is real NICE"
said Mrs. Veneerirg. "Me and my
laughter Maria have got the rage, you
know, and buy all we kin git. But
what on earth is they intended for?"
Daniel Pratt, the great American
traveller, asked for pass at a railroad
Office out West the other day. "Who
are you?' rOared the irritated railroad
officer. "I am Daniel in the lions
den,' replied the philosopher.
81 will not learn trade!" exclaimed
the Chicago youth to his father. But
this business of learning a trade is on
y matter OF time, for within year
that young man was studying harness
making in state prison.
One Of our citizens was somewhat
nonplussed the other day by his little
motherless daughter, who asked: ''Say,
papa, did mamma ever believe that
some folks would be lost?" eyes, she
lid, replied the father. "Then, what
did she suppose would become Of
you?'
80 that I were the Balkan noun
tains!" sighed he. THAT is, indeed,
remarkable wish" replied some one;
and why, pray, would you be any
thing SO impracticable?" Because"
returned the dend-head, "if / were the
Balkan mountains, you see, l could
have nine passes.
r. Holworthy-'Did you hear Is
rael in Egypt, Miss Roseleaf?" Miss
R.-"O, yes: was it not perfectly love-
ly? Where they say, He shall lead his
people ike sheep, didn't you seem to
see the sheep come iu?" II. H.-"Yes.
Bar after bar, l suppose. - Havard
Lampoon.
Maria is such a common name in
Grass Valley when a cat climbs the
Dack-feuce of n yard on Church street
and calls out "Mar-i-ar?" ten or twen-
" windows are thrown up, from which
protrude ten or twenty female heads
wildly answering, "Whatl"
Kate Field remarks" :"Thebest friends
1 have in the world are American men,
md il have not married one, it is be-
,ause / 1--we too many OF them. AMER
ican men, az home and abroad. are the
finest fellows | know" Very excellent
woman, this Kate Field. Nice fellow
herself. = Rochester Democrat.
Thirty-six thousand square miles of
coal. in veins II feet thick, underlie
he state of Illinois, and yet you can
20 into an Illinois church any cold
sunday and freeze the feet clear off
you, and catch a cold that will last you
Ill the millennium. = Hawkeye.