The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1878-03-05
CURED BIZ CREMATIoN.
How the Fear OF Fire Aroused {
suffering WOman's wrath.

suffering WOman's wrath.
Cindunau Saturday Night.
Mrs. BoggA has been under the weather
for two or three days. At least she said
she was, but these attacks came rather
frequently, Boggs thought, for when his
wife was having one Of her off spells he
had 10 cook the meals and do all the house.
work. We don't remember what partic.
ular Ptate the weather was in this last
time, but Mrs. Boggs was under 1t, and
she was under II very bad. She even told
Boggs that she didn't believe she was ever
going to get up out Of II, and she made
hysterical request that be bury her in
some sunny spot where the birds might
come and sing 10 her, and made him
promise that he would bring flowers once
week and scatter them over her grave.
A dozen times that day was Boegs called
from his work in the kitchen to bid alast
farewell to his dying wife, but still she
fingered. He had been through this ex.
perience a great many times before, so he
wasn't 30 much alarmed as be might other.
wise have been.
That night as he sat watching, like the
afIectionale husband he was, At her bed
side, she saw that he was deeply engross.
cd 10 book.
"What book are you reading, dear ?"
she family asked.
"a railroad guide, my love-" was the
aWhat do you want with a railroad
guide Z" she inquired,
~ want to see how far It Is to Washing.
ton, Pa, and how the trains run" said
Mr.. Boggs.
She would have asked him what he had
10 do with Washington, Pa, but he got
up and went out, and she fell into doze,
the inclination 10 which she didn't careto
repress, even though II delayed the final
departure. When she awoke she saw
Boggs bending over her with candle.
He evidently hadn't observed that abe was
awake, so closing her eyes she feigned
sleep and overheard the following solilo.
guy, which sufficiently explained to her
now thoroughly awakened senses his in
uuiry OF the railroad guide about the
routeto Washington, Pa: Splendid sub
ject for cremation-a little scraggy Mrs.
Bosss's fingers worked nervously under
the bed clothes and she had hard work to
keep from flying at him) but the scraggy
ones incinerate quicker than the fat ones.
the doctor says. She could be creased II
necessary TO make her go quicker. Think
I'll send her up by express, as I'm too
busy in the store 10 get away. Her ashes
can he forwarded to me in an envelope
through the mail. I'll know them (audi-
Bile chuckle) They'll be under the wealth.
er every lew weeks and want TO die. And
they'll ask me to bury them in some sun.
ny spot where the birds can come and
sing TO '.m. I'll send word TO DR..
LeMoyne 10 make II hot for her-she has
kept things hot enough for me. And I'll
tell him 10 let all the reporters in, so as
10 give her good send of through the
papers. and whoop 'er up Liza Jane.
Sorry can't be there TO stir her up my
self, and"
A thrilling, ear. piercing scream came
from the woman under the weather, and
with bound sufficient to land her on top
Of any weather that ever lived, she sprang
out OF bed and had Boggs by the ear in
llash, while she fairly screamed
"You'll cremate me, will you, you bald.
headed old reprobate "You'll send my
scrsggy body up to Washington by ex-
press giving his ear wiring between the
sentences) ;and tell that wicked old wretch,
LeMoyne, to make 1t hot for me; and
you'll have my ashes sent to you in let
ter growing more and more wrathy"
humping him over the head with the
oandlestick she had snatched away from
his hand); and bury me in some Sweet,
sunny spot (whack y where the birds may
come and sing (bing!); aud you want the
reporters there (bang) TO whoop'er up
Liza Jane boom j. Oh, you mean, wretch
ed wicked old man, you; III live hun
bred years to spite you, zee il | don't |"
Then she pushed Boggs cut Of the door
aud bolted 1t, and he had to make up a
bunk on the kitchen floor that night, next
to the stove. But peculiar smile play
ed about Boggs's face, even when be was
rubbing the sore spots on his bald head,
and murmured softly to himself, "Guess
I've cured her Of them spells for one
while"
Mrs. Boggs hasn't been under the
weather since, but mention Of the word
remation drives her wild.