The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-02-08

the play, leaving his friend To
settle matters with the gentleman in
front, which, as he had no excuse handy,
was not done without considerable
trouble. When the hubbub was over,
the victim said: "Didn't you tell me
to tap that man with my stick?" Eyes"
"And what did you want?" "Oh,"
said Phoenix, with imperturbable gray
ity, GO wanted To see whether you would
tap him or not!"
"Jack Holiness" a man-about town,
| living no one knew how, was once under
cross-examination by certain sergeant
"Now, sir" said the learned gentleman,
" tell the jury how you live!"
"Well," said Homes, ga chop or a
steak, and on Sunday perhaps little bit
of fish; I'm very plain-living man."
You know what / mean SIR" thun-
dered the questioner. What do you
do for a liviDgY
"The same as you, sergeant" said the
witness, tapping his head suggestively,
"and when that fails / do"-going
through the pantomime of writing
across his hand-"a little bit of stuff
| the same as you again.
"My Lud, / shall not ask this obtuse
witness any more questions" said the an
cry counsel.
Brother" said Baron Martin, 81
think you had better not"
Here is a hint for our old friend the
clown in the pantomime. At the burn
ing of provision store, the crowd helped
themselves freely. One man grasped
huge cheese as his share eff the salvage;
rising up with it he found himself face to
face with policeman, and with admira-
BILE presence of mind put the plumber
into the officers arms, saying, You had
better take care of that, policeman, or
some one will be walking off with it,"
Equally ready to relinquish his loot
when there was no help for twas a Chi
cago negro, caught by poultry fancier
in the act of carrying off some of his live
stock, and challenged with: "What are
you doing with my chickensY | wuz
gwine fer ter fetch 'em back, boss" ex-
planned he. C. Dere's niger roun' here
what's bin disputin' along err me bout
dem chickens. / said dey WIZ Coachin
Chyniz an he said dey wuz Alabarmar
pullets, an / wuz jes takin' 'em roun'
fer ter stablish my nollidge. Dey don't
lay no aigs, does dey, boss? Eff dey does,
Pm mighty shamed of hustlin' 'em roun'.
Aigs is scase."
Impudently cool as the darkey was, he
must yield the palm for effrontery to the
Erie railway guard whose interview
with Manager Fisk is thus related in an
American paper:
"You are conductor on the Erie,
believer"
eyes, sir"
How long have you been on the road?"
Fifteen years"
"Worth some property, l learn?"
"Some."
Have very fine house in Oswego?
Cost you some thirty, forty, or fifty
thousand dollarsY
Yes, sir"
"Some little money invested in bonds,
| am told?"
eyes, SIR"
Gown farm near where you reside?"
Eyes, SIR"
Had nothing when you commenced
as conductor on our road?"
Nothing to speak OF"
Made the property since?"
eyes, sir"
Been at work for no other parties?"
No; but | have been saving money,
and invested it from time to time to good
advantage"
We'll, sir what will you give to set
tie? OF course you cannot pretend to
say you have acquired this property from
what you have saved from your salary?
You will not deny that you have pocket
ed a great deal of money belonging to
the railway-at least fifty or sixty
thousand dollars? Now, sir, what will
you give to settle, and not be disgraced,
as you certainly will be if trial is
brought, and you are compelled to give
up the property you profess to own, but
which in reality belongs to the COM
pany?"
"Well, Mr.. Manager, / had not
thought of the matter. For several
years have been running my train to
the best of my ability. Never viewed
the matter in this light before. Never
thought was doing anything wrong. l
have done nothing more than other con-
ductors; tried to earn my salary and get
it, and believe I've succeeded l don't
know that L owe the company anything.
If you think | do, why, there's little
difference of opinion, and / don't want
any trouble over it. havea nice family,
nice father and mother, relatives all of
good standing; they would feel bad to
have me arrested and charged with dis
honesty. 1t would kill my wife. She
has every confidence i'm me, and the idea
that | would take a penny that did not
belong to me would break her heart. /
don't care anything for the matter
MYSELF but on account of my family
and relatives, if you won't say anything
more about it, I'll give you say-a dol
| lar! - Rdmbers' Journal.
A Sweet Poem.