, 1878-04-12
Wit and Humor.

lHE original 9reenbacks were rrops
and they have always been inAu,ionisf.
WHY is it difficult to drown drunken
mHn' because he's safe so long US bis
reason why some people are &c
iondN1t putting on airs is because that,
about all they have to put on.
"WHEN die" said married man. 81
want to 90 where there is no snow tr
shovel His wife said she presumed be
would.
WHEN man wants to call puppy he
whistles, but CIR just walks along with
her handkerchief floating across her
should9r.-Rome Sentinel.
A GOOD bony gentleman of one hun.
'dred aud seventy pounds will yield on
cremation one and half pounds of first.
class ashes.-BOston Globe.
CUPID-"All right for you, Missie. Sc
you've married old Money bags, after all
Well, you'll want me some day, and then
perhaps I'll go back on you,"-H@per's
Bazdr.
THERE is man living in Greeley, this
state ny the name of Drybread. The
Iowa City Press wants to know if any
town has lady named Butter, who will
marry him.
The difference between fool who has
been through college and fool who has
not is that the latter knows he is fool
while the former does notebook.
"JoHN," asked doctor of the apothe.
cary's boy, "dld Mrs. Green get the medi.
cine ordered" * guess So" replied
John, "for saw Grape on the door knob
this morning"
We pray Thee, oh, Lord, that, although
1t may not be pleasing to many of Thy
servants, yet we would beseech Thy bless
ing upon the President of the United
States.-Chap!ain Of the IOua Senate.
THE ruffed-up egotist who says wo-
man can not do anything as well as man
has never seen her pack trunk.-Er,
How if the trunk is to be packed up
three flights of tairs.-CoIam5us Jour-
nal.
DISCERNING child (who has heard some
remarks by papa)-"Are you our new
nurse" Nurse-"Yes, dear" Child
'Well, then, am one of those boys who
Can only be managed by kindness; so
you had better get some sponge cake and
oranges at once"
"How nicely this corn pops" said a
young man who was sitting with his
sweetheart before the fire. "Yes,' she
responded, demurely, ''it's got over being
green" The question" Was the next
thing that was popped.
BIsHoP CLARK once went to see one of
his parishioners, a lady with prodigious
family, which bad recently been increased.
AS he rose to leave, the lady stopped him
with: "But you haven't seen my last
baby" NO" he quickly replied, "and
! never expect to" Then he He'd.
A LITTLE boy who was nearly starved
by stingy uncle (his guardian) with
whom he lived, meeting lank grey
hound one day in the street, was asked by
his guardian what made the dog so thin.
After rejecting the little fellow replied:
~ suppose he lives with his uncle"
"WHAT are you after, my dear!" said a
grandmother to little boy who was slid
ing along a room and casting furtive
glances at gentleman who was paying
visit. "I am trying, grandma, to steal
papa's hat out of the room without letting
the gentleman know it; he wants him to
think he's out"
EVEN the church. going infants of TO.
ledo are precociously wicked. On re-
cent Sunday small child grabbed all
the coin on the contribution plate in
church in that city, and had to be shaken
before he could be convinced that the
date for resumption had not yet been
reached.
THE FUTURE OF THE PHONoGRAPH. -
Ardent lover-"You ask for some proof
of my affection, my devotion. What
proof can l offer youl Stay! | have it !
1 am ready to breathe my VOWS into the
Young Lady's Best Companion, or Breach
Of Promise-SeIt Registering Evidence
Phonographl Thero!'-Funny Folks.
"GENTLEMEN," said an auctioneer, who
was selling piece of land, "it is the
most delightful piece of land it is the
easiest land to cultivate, it is so light, SO
very light. Mr.. Parker here will corrob-
crate my statement. He owns the next
patch, and he will tell you how easy it is
worked" "Yes, gentlemen" said Mr..
Parker it is very easy to work; but it is
a plaguy sight easier to gather the
crops"
Too Much LUxURY.-Stout party
"Waut your wages raised because you've
been laid up so long with rheumatic
g)utl Why, your illnesses are accounted
for by the way you people live. You
think Of nothing but eating and drink
ing. High wages are the cause of the
moral and physical degradation of the
working classes. Let me see, you get
nine shilings a week; shall take off
two shillings; you will then be a much
healthier and happier man."
nG