Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1878-07-10

W0 w AlOt AAOW ~ OOlul&l1 tuVcj1t0u
the phrase, las cool as cucumber :"
but he makes the Irishman in The Heir
at Law say: "These two must be rich
man that won't lend, and borrower;
for one is trotting about in great dis
tress, and t'other stands as cool as Il Gu
cumber." Of the two, the latter was
more likely to nave been intending
raid on another mans purse, for the
men whose every trade is borrowing"
are usually, we might say necessarily,
the coolest of the cool; like Bubb bod
ington's impecunious acquaintance,
who, rushing across Bond street, greeted
Dodington with: "I'm delighted to see
you, for am wonderfully in want of
guinea"
Taking out hi3 purse, Bubb showed
that it held bat half a guinea.
ga thousand thanks !" cried his tor
mentor, deity selzing the coin; "that
will do very well for the present." and
then changed the conversation. But rs
he turned to take leave, he inquired:
" By-the-by, when will you pay me that
halfguinea
"Pay you? What do you mean?" ex.
claimed Dodington.
"Mean? Why, I intended to borrow
a guinea of you. have only got half;
but Pm not in hurry for t'other.
Name your own time, only pray keep
it " saying which, he disappeared round
the corner.
John Phoenix" the American hui
morist being one night at the theatre,
fancied he saw friend some three seats
in front of him. Turning to his next
neighbor he said: Would you be kind
enough to touch that gentleman with
your stick?" Certainly" was the re-
ply, and the thing was done; but when
the individual thus assaulted turned
round, Phoenix saw he was not the man
he took him for, and became ut once
absorbed in the play, leaving his friend
with the stick to settle matters with the
gentleman in front, which, as he had
no excuse handy, was not done without
considerable trouble. When the hubbub
was over, the victim said: Didn't you
tell me to tap that man with my stick p
Yes" "And what did you want?"
"Oh," said Phoenix, with impertuable
gravity, wanted to see whether you
wouM or not !"
"Jack Holiness" a man-about-town,
living no one knew how, was once I'M
der cross-examination ty certain SER
geant-at-law, who knew his man too
well. "Now, sir" said the learned gen.
tleman, "tell the jury how you live ~
WELL" said Holmes. "a chop or II
steak and on Sunday perhaps little bit
of fish: / am very plain living man."
"You know what l mean, sir" thun-
dered the questioner. "What do you
do for a living?
1.-The same as you, sergeant" said
the witness, tapping his head suggest
lively; "and when that fails, l do go
ing through the pantomine of writing
across his hand-"a little bit of stuff
the same rs you again."
"My lud, I shall not ask this obtuse
witness any more questions" said the
angry counsel.
Brother" said Baron Martin, 81
think you had better not"
Here is hint of our old friend the
clown in the pantomime. At the burn
ing of provision store, the crowd
helped themselves freely. One man
grasped huge cheese as his share Of
the salvage; rising up with it he found
himself face to face with policeman,
and with admirable presence of mind put
the plumber into the officers arms, say
ing You had better take care of that,
policeman, or some one will be walking
off with it,"
Equally ready to relinquish his loot
when there was no help for it was a
Chicago negro, caught by poultry
fancier in the act of carrying off some
of his live stock, and challenged with
" What are you doing with my chick
ems !" {" wuz gwine fer ter fetch 'em
back, boss" exclaimed he. "Dere's a
niger rOun' here, what's bin disputin
along er me bout dem chickens. /
said dey wuz Corchin Chyniz, an he
said dey wuz Alabarmer pullets; an
wuz jes takin' 'em roun' fer ter stablish
my nollidge. Dey don't lay no aigs,
does dey, boss, IF dey does, Pm
mighty shamed of hustlin' 'em roun'.
Aigs is scase"
Impudently cool as the darkey was,
he must yield the palm for etirontery
to the Erie Railway guard, whose in
terview with Manager Fisk is thus re-
lated in an American paper.
"You are conductor on the Erie,
believe ~
eyes, SIR"
Glow long have you been on the
road?"
" Fifteen years."
Worth some property, learn?'
"SOme."
Have a very fine house in Oswego?
Cost YOU some thirty. forty or fifty