The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1878-10-08
WgsCEILANH.

The time when pious editor is excus-
able for knocking splinters from the
third commandment is when he jabs
the wrong end of his penholder in hi
inkstand and hastily shoves il behin|
his ear without wiping it off, Whit
hall Times.
A young lady, hesitating for a word
describing the character of reject
suitor said: "He is not tyrant,
exactly domineering. but" ''DogmaSy
ic, suggested her friend. "No, he ha,y
has not dignity enough for that: think
pupmatic would convey my meaning adj
mirably."
1t is undoubtedly true, as DIR. Carver
says, that life on the plains makes a
man better shot than course of prac-
tice at Creedmoor; but does it better fit
a man for crawling under the woodshed
floor in search Of mouse-trap-thati is
the practical question.-[N New Haven
Register.
"What a piece of work is mani How
noble in person. How infinite in facul-
tiesl In form and moving, how ex-
press and admirable. In action, how
hike an angel. In apprehension, how
like godl" And yet, some how or
other, he never looks that when he ID
backed up to peanut stand taking in 4
tail-pocket cargo of peanuts Hawk
eye.
The good man slammeth the gate AM
bangeth the door, and maketh "A nois,
for his heart is without guile and h,
feareth not the grievous words of his
wife; but the naughty man shutteth the
gate softly. and stealeth upstairs in his
stocking feet, and stumbleth over the
rocking-chair, and the last condition of
that man is worse than the first. Ex-
change.
A young couple of lie Roy, ". Y,
had their wedding day selected, and
then had squabble over which church
the knot should be tied in. He wanted
to go TO the Presbyterian edifce, be-
cause it was the fashionable one of the
village, and she wanted 10 90 to the
Baptist one, for she used 10 sing in the
choir there. The quarrel snapped the
engagement.
The other day visitor 10 Dublin
hired a car for an hour TO drive around
Phoenix Park. No sooner was he seat
Ell than the driver proceeded to warm
his nags ribs, and started off at about
10 miles an hour. As he did not slack
en- his pace, the passenger asked the
reason for such quick travelling. Faith, -
replied Paddy, ''dye think I'd be all
day driving you an hour"
lyon see, said physician to a dys-
peptic. who had called on him for ad-
vice, ''vou don't take sufficient exer-
cise. You lead too sedentary a life.
don't walk enough. What's your occu-
pation?" The physician was mortified
when the man replied, 1--WE been n
letter carrier for over n dozen years. +"
Tin tough cuss from Bitter Greek. -
is the expression employed by the plains
desperado To inform everybody that he
is con the fight" Further east the cor
responding member Of society saws.
I'm a wolf, and this is nv time TO
howl. In Kentucky he says, Tin n
yard wide, and all wool" At Dead.
wood he announces himself as "a rat
tlesnaks with rattles all the way up."
Jeff. Dunlap, of Clover Valley, Cal, ,
has reached the mature age of II years.
The exploit which brought him 10 pub
lie notice consisted of stealing horse,
riding bareback 10 miles, and then COM
plotting his outfit by taking q saddle,
bride, blanket and revolver from mi
ners cabin. He had made up his mind
90 become a robber, but was arrested
while lying in wait for a stage-coach.