The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1878-02-14
Items of Interest.

"Man wants but little here below, y
and he generally gets it, too.
Riches will never take wings and fly
away, if you sprinkle little economy
on its tail.
phant, lion and q rhinoceros. He was
an auctioneer,
Horace Greeley's estate, which was
inventoried at $206, 600 shortly after his
death, yields little more than 500, 900 on
the final settlement.
"Do they miss you at home2" he
asked, as she folded and put away let
ter she had just received from her
mother. "Never," she answered; "they
always call me Sis"
I" My DEAR" asked Mrs. j of her
husband, on coming home from church
the other day, "what was the sweetest
| thing you saw in bonnets ?" "The
ladies' faces,' was the bland reply.
"This is meat and drink, said the
sailor, who sat on the gunwhale slipping
his grog-following his remark by tumb-
ling backward into the water. "Ayc,
and there's washing and lodging" said
| his messmate.
Young Green: "Hot, isn't it?" Young
lady 0ired Of the subject: $50 you
said just now." Y. G. (nervously):
eyes, but don't you think it has got
hotter ?" Young lady gives young
Green up as bad job.
A family of four persons has been
poisoned at New Orleans, and Mrs.
Lambert, one of its members, aged
sixty-two years, fatally, by eating oys-
ters fried in corn meal with which
arsenic had been mixed by Mrs. Lam
bert's son-in-law to kill rats.
Coming back from little trip to
Havrc Partisan bewails his misfortune
to his railway companion. Gone thing
is certain; you won't catch me on any
more OF these pleasure excursions. I
lost my wife and my cane" And then
he adds with tears in his voice, GA new
cane, too"
A steer in Piermont, N. H., lost its
life in singular waya few days ago. It's
owner had chopped hole through the
ice in his trough to allow the cattle to
drink, and as the water was low the
steer had to force it's nose to the bottom.
the ice, and after it had drunk its fill
the water ran in and drowned it.
A funny incident recently happened
at sumptuous dinner giving bya Welsh
society in liverpool. An old stonemason
of eighty years was called upon to enter
tain the company with song, for which
he was noted, but instead of giving the
one desired, he launched forth into q
dismal, wailing measure, composed some
sixty years before upon the occasion Of
a street murder. This refreshing pro-
duction contained no less than eighty
verses, aud the droning bum bum of the
melody went on for over half an hour
before the end was reached.
The late Commodore Hollins was once
sailing with an American commodore,
who used often to insult his inferior
officers and apologize to them afterward.
After such an insult had been offered to
him Hollins was called to the cabin Of
the commodore, who said: 81 am II
man of very passionate nature and
have treated you as [ should not have
done, and now 1 wish to apologize. 4"
Hollins replied: 81 too, am passion
ate man, but notice, Commodore, that
[ never get into passion with my su-
perior officers, always with those beneath
me-"
BEAUTIES OF oRTHoGRAPHY.
A pretty deer is dear to me,
A hare with downy hair.
A hart I love with all my heart,
But hardly love bear.
'Tis plain that not one take plane
To have pair of pears,
Although rake may take rake
To tear away the tares.
Soils rays raise thyme, time RACES all,
| And through the whole hole wears.
4 scribe in writing right may write
To Wright and still be wrong
For write and rite are neither right,
And don't to right belong.
Beer often brings bier to man.
Coughing coffin brings,
And 100 much ale will make MS ALL
As well as other things.
The person lies who says he lies
When he is not reclining;
And when consumptive folks decline,
They all decline declining.
Quails do not quail before storm,
A bow will not bow before it;
We cannot rein the rain at all.
No earthly power reigns DER it.
The dyer dyes awhile, then dies
TO dye he's always trying;
Until upon his dying bed
He thinks no more Of dyeing.
A son of Mars mars many son,
All Deys must have their days;
And every knight should pray each night
To Him who weighs his ways
'Tis meet that man should mete out meat
| To feed one's fortunes sup
The fair should fare on love alone,
Else one cannot be won.
A lass, alas is sometimes false
OF faults maid is made;
Her waist is but barrea waste
Though stayed she is not staid.
The springs shoot forth each spring, anG
shoots,
Shoot forward one and all
Though summer kills the flowers, it leaves
The leaves to fall in fall.
would story here commence,
But you might find it stale:
90 we II suppose that We have reached
The tail-end of our tale.
|
Tit for Tat.
Would.be wits are apt to have th,
tables turned on them. At dinner il
honor of Nick Denton, one of the stat
OF the Illinois Central railway, his frient
Jack Wallace, intrusted with the toas