The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1878-10-28
Nasby.
How His 4 al-Meney Works.
CONFEDRIT X. ROADS,
WIvH is IN THE STATE Nv KENTUCKY

CONFEDRIT X. ROADS,
WIJH is IN THE STATE Nv KENTUCKY J
Oct. Is. 1868
Isapposed that when we he'd ishood our fat
money that our trubbles wuz over I supposed
that when the Common Counsel Nv the Corners
he'd ishood q currency based upon the good faith
Nv the Corners, and he'd passed an ordinance
maxim it legle tender, that everything wood 20
along smoothly, and that the era Nv prosperity
wich we hev all been loosin for wood immejitly
set in. But it don't work wuth kuss. We
he'd expected to be relieved Nv our indeb:ednis
to Pollock & Bglsr, but unfortunately them
disturbers, with a foresite that is feendish, hev
persisteutly refoosed the Democrsy Nv the
Corners credit for many yeers, SO that we don't
owe them anything. And Pollock remarked
vishusly that eff we did owe him enything he
wood ez soon tax pay in fia.-money ez enything
-else he wuz likely to get from us, ez he never
expected enything enyhow. Bat we desided to
get even with him. L went into his store and
asked for pare Nv boots.
"All rite" sed Pollock, "wat kind Nv morey
do yoo perpose to pay iu--ihe glorious fat nv
the present, or the despised greenbsck Nv the
past?"
triotic not to assist in Citing our new money
into cirkelashun. l shell pay in fat nv wich 1
hev plenty and more a comm"
"All rite, "sed Pollock ,perdoosin a little strip
Nv lether, 'them is the boots"
But they is not boots" [ exclaimed. "Wat
kin do with that strip nv letheI?'
"Jist es much ez L kin with yoor money.
Yoo say that peece Nv paper 700 hev is money
Il say that peece Nv lether is boots. My word
is, trust, ez good ez yoors"
And with a ndish laf ha told Jna r. olar
to keep an eye on me and turned around sellin
substanshul boots toss niger farmer wich he'd
nashnel bank notes.
Sadly I went over to Bascom's and found
there the entire Corners discussin the fnsnshsl
sityooashen. There wuz Deekin Pogram in his
old familyer chair; there wuz Issaker lyln on
his back on round table that the citizens play
keerds upon, and Capt. M. Pelter leanin
aginst the bar, all slghin at the scar sity
Nv money and the deprest condishn nv
industry. 1t wuz site hev seed thousand
times, and it meltid me. 1 determined to dem
onstrate that ther wuz one patriot that would
respeek the laws Nv his native place, and ac-
cept her currency.
''Geutlemen." sez, firmly, "step upl Bas-
CON, set em up"
Bascom he'd bin takin our money for some
days. and he'd bin TO Louisville for hkker He
sot out the bottle with sarion:o grin that bod
ed US no good We each poured out the likker,
however, and placed the glasses to our respec-
tive lips. Imnejitly every man spitted the hk-
wild out upon the floor. turned SICK, for he'd
iucawshusy swsllered little NV it.
1t wuz waterl The fest L he'd tasted for
years!
swat does this mean, sir9'' 1 demanded
feercely.
Don't 700 like the whisky?' wuz his au-
ser, ez he glsred feercely at me.
Like it! Llkeir! Why, it's waerp'
"Bless yoor SOLE" replied BascoD, why
don't you say its whisky? The minit you say
its whisky it is whisky. You say the paper you
want to pay me 10 is a dollar, jlst oecoz 700 sdg
ii il dollar, and why in bloody thunder cah't
yoo make whisky out Of water by Ilst sayin its
wniskS? Gentlemen, this is dat whisky, aud
its the only kind L kin git with fat money.
When you git TO payIn IN the comfortable old
| greenbsck, or the modest nickle, al rite. III
| give 700 the regular old bowel scorcher. But
| the hkker is goin to assimilate to the money.
learned that word in Looisvi Ell yoo want
to pay In fat-money 700 are goin to git fiat
likker. Ef you kin imagin peece nv paper
with yoor stamp onto it IS a dollar, You must
likewise imagin this flOoid to be good likker,
aud vice versy. ParsOn, this is an yol will
| evsr glt with yoor kind NV money"
And he leened back sg his bottles VIII de-
| 6snt air. aud we sank back terrible.
| Where is the end to be? 1 dch't know Oh,
| that Butsr wood carry Massychosits, aod eit
| into power, so that his genius coed solve The
problem! Ell Bacon repudiates the tat-mouey
! it is all over here.
] PETROLEUM V. Massey, Finanseer.