The Centre reporter. [volume] (Centre Hall, Pa.) 1871-1940, 1878-01-24
He Went Rehlnd the Returns.

Over one eve was piece at sticking
plaster as big Az u strcot-car ticket, and
one leg seemed 10 hesitate AMI hitch
along as though grain or two Of gravel
had somehow got into the knee joint aud
made trouble and dissatisfaction. His
lools were as full of squeak aA a board
ing house rocking chair, and the heels
were hedging around and trying 10 climb
up and see what tho pantaloons were
made Of. His eyes had wandering,
startled. half-frightened sort OF look,
and one of them seemed Inclined 10 set
up an observatory ON its own account.
His nose had started out boldly into the
world, but after slight progress had
thought better oi il, changed his mind
and scooted for home again. This move
ment had aroused the curiosity Of the
chin, and it sallied ont rcsolutely 10 find
out how matters stood. When they came
within hAiling distance, both organs
seemed 10 take alarm At the hostile APP
peannce of the intervening chasm of
mouth, and halted right where they
were.
The man was very polite though awk
warily so. and pulled of his napless,
rusty stove-pipe hat, with n sprmgy,
nervous movement, the instant he crossed
the do0r,siu, and came forward with a
erouching. hasitating air, seemingly fear
ful that his intrusion might be un
warranted He came 30 full stop with
u bow that made bis riha rattle anl
asked with voice afraid to come Ottt all
at once
"ls-the-tNlitor-in ?"
He WAS
" Be-you p
Such was the case .."
BY this time the mans voice had
pretty much all got together, aud poured
out with confidence:
"Noprini is shut up from You lou're
better acquainted with words than j am
with my own relations. They cant fool
you. The minute You clap your eyes ON
'em yon can call 'em by name, can 4 yon
They don't get start Of you much, no
matter il they're AS big as hoss blanket,
do they T. t"
Nary time they didn't.
Then I'm in the right shop, and
needn't SO any fnrder. / want YOU 10
help me ont Of little mess. As We was
sayin', YOU can't he fooled by anything
in the word business. For instance,
word that hadn't no business in u verse
couldn't ring IN on you, could il? You'd
collar it at sight an pitch it out, an
chuck in the right enc, wouldn't you p
Most likely.
"Ah-hah Thought So. Now we're
comm to the scratch. You see the
trouble is just this, me nor my ole
woman neither one has much book sense,
but each ones got their own idees, and
we freeze to 'em tighter'n wax. II she
saws things 80, she'd lose every tooth
in her head afore she'd back water an
AS for me, I'm purity much on the same
stump. We've been married now risin'
thirty year, and have grown children.
but there one pint that We allns knock
our heads together on, an It's made us
heaps o trouble we've skrimmaged
over II year arter year, but we're no
higher gfttin' il settled atween our two
selves to-day nor We Was the first year
we was jined. We've wrangled and
fused, an thrown up one anOther's ro-
lations, an overhauled our failin's no
eend o times, but no good I'm satisfied
now we never can settle II that way an
rs we're both old, AN there's no tellin'
when one or t'other might drop of, |
thought as it would be a mighty sight o
satisfaction 10 know atore that time
comes who's been right about il all this
while, an il popped into my head that
we'd leave il 70 an umpire, an 80 git
shut Of il for good; an so after talkin' il
over last night, pro an con. we've both
elected you, and my business here now
is 10 get your Judgement on theqneston.
An what we want 20 know Is, Nhieh is
right them molasses," or those mo-
lasses
When the old man received the morti-
fying information that they had both
been in fog. he said It would be
downright purgatory for him 20 so
home with that decision, and the only
chance for peace on earth would be Tor
him 10 stand by those molasses 10
the last. Cincinnati Breakfast Table.