Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1878-03-21
THE GIRLS.
A Little Advice Josh Billings IIas to
Give Them.

Dear girls, are you In search of hus
band?
That is pumper, and you are not II
quested to say Yes out loud, but ar
eXpekted tew throw yure eyes down int
the earth, as tho you was looking for
pin, and reply tew the interrogatory wit
a kind OF draulin sigh.
Not tew press so tender theme until
it bekums thorn in the flesh, we will pre-
sumo (tew avoid argument) that you al
on the lookout for something in the NAL
line. Let me give you some small chunk
ov advice how to spot your future hus
band:
/. The man who is jellous ov every lit
tie attenshun which you get from SOM
other fellow, you would find after you ar
married to him, he luvs himself more thai
he duZ you, and what you mistook fo
solissitu1e you will diskover has changed
to Indifference.
JellOsy isn't o heart disease, it's liyel
complaint
,. a mustash is not indispensable it is
only little more hair, and is much like
moss and other eXcressences-Cften doz
the best on sile that won't raise anything
else. Don't forget those things which
you admire in phellow before marriage
you will probably dislike in husband at;
ter, and a mustash will get to be a very
weak diet after time.
3. If husbands could be took on trial
as Irish cooks are, two-thirds ov them
would probably be returned; but there
don't seem to be emmy law for this. There
fore, girls, you will see that after you git
man you have got to keep him, even il
you lose on him. Consequently, if you
have got emmy kold vittles in the house, try
him on them once in a while during scour-
ing season, and if he swallows them well,
and says he will take sum more, he iz a
man, who. when blue Monday Gums, will
wash well.
4. Don't marry q nheller who is always
telling how his mother doz things. 1t is
too hard to ween a young one.
5. If young man can beat you playing
on a pianner, and kant hear Il tish-horn
playing on the street without turning a
summersauit on account Of the musick
that is in him, | say to leave him; he
might answer to tend baby, and if you set
him to hoeing out the garden, you will
find that you have got to do it yourself.
\ man whose whole heart lies in musick
land not too hefty at that amt no better
than seedlitz powder; but if he ltys to
listen while you sing some gentle ballad,
you will find him mellow and not soft.
But don't marry ennyboddy for just one
virtew emmy quicker than you wonld flop a
man for just one fault.
6. 1t is one of the most tuffest things
for female to be old mails successfully
A great many have tried it and made a bad
job of it and had hard time. Everybody
seems to look upon old maids just as they
do upon dried herbs in the garret-handy
a mistake that you should be willing to
swop oph with some true hearted phellow
for husband. The swop is good one
but don't swop tor emmy one who is re-
spectacle just because his father IL. You
had better be an old maid for 1000 years
and then join the Shakers than to repen-
tence at this price. No woman ever made
this trade who did't get either phool, a
mean Gus. or clown for husband.
Z. In digging down into this subject l
find the digging goes harder the further
you git. 1t is much easier to inform you
who not to take, for the reason there is
more Of them.
don't think you will follow my advise
if | give it, and, therefore, l will keep it,
for look upon advise as l do upon castor
ola mean dose to give and mean dose
to take. But l must say one thing, girls,
or spile. you can find a bright eyed, well
balusted boy, who looks upon poverty az
sassy az a child looks upon wealth-whO
had rather sit down upon the crubstOne in
front of the Fifth Avenue Hotel and eat a
ham sandwich than go inside and run in
debt for his dinner and toothpick-and
who is man with that kind of pluck that
mistakes a defeat for victory, mi advice
is to take him body and soul-snare him
at onst, for he is a stray trout, a breed very
skarse in our waters. ,=-
Take him, say, and build onto him as
hornets build on tree.-Deroit Post.
->o~>s-o-
WISE MAxIMs.-Mr. John McDonough,
the New Orleans millionaire, had engraved
on his tombstone series of maXims
which he had prescribed as the rules for
lis guidance through lite, and to which
his success was mainly attributable:
Rememember always that labor is one OF
the conditions of existence
Time is gold; throw not one minute
away, but place each one to account.
Do unto all men as you would be done
by.
Never think any matter so trifling as not
to deserve notice.
Never give out that which does cot first
come in. s-s-~--'- @-~s
Study in the course of your liS. to do
the greatest amount Of good.
Labor then, to the last moment of your
existence.
~ ------>o->Os~o-
A Modification OF ReIl's Telephone.
NJ. Trouve, of the French Academy. has
proposed modification Of Sell's telephone
BY which messages can be sent to great
distances. He substitutes for the single
membrane employed by Bell, cube or
lcfa rO1al annarltus each side of which