The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1878-01-18


Where toll infI return,
And feel how proud thingitis
livelihood 10 earn"
A saddened look came DER the tramp.
He seemed like one beTeft;
He slowed away the viciuals cold
He--haw the wood and left
Country gentleman TO foreign friend
-" Hi, there fire, mani don't you see
that hare back there? Foreigner
Vat shoot re poor ting down as il
retreat No, no, my good saire, vait till
he turn about and face me, then will
zing"-Judy.
The coming dress for ladies dosen't
touch the pavement by about three
inches. This will obviate the necessity
of ladies wishing they had three hands
when out promenading; but some new
method viii have TO be advised 10 keep
the sidewalks swept clean.
.."Heard about Browns wiIl-?' yelled
q downtown man to deaf Main street
friend this morning Brown swill?
Brown swill? No, haih't heard any Of
brown swill I've heard of sour swill and
bran swill and"-awful pause. The
downtown man had vanished in a cloud
Of ofprofanity.-BridgpOgt Standard
Poverty is the mother of children
The small boy grows rank and abundant
in the tenement-house, and whenever
the workman strikes, and thereby cuts
off his wages, an epidemic of twins breaks
forth. Thus we see that the financial
difficulties of our countryhav had their
natural results in giving an enormous
impulse to the small hoy crop. 1t would
be useless to conceal that At present the
prospect is far from reassuring. The ex-
istence of an unprecedented plethora Of
small boys is undeniable.-M Y Times.
Commodore Vanderbilt says: "I
want to denounce in one breath the form
of government which says a man shall
have a certain physician, and shall have
certain treatment, and shall admit GER
tain persons to his room, whether accept-
able or not, or else ne shall be considered
an insane man / appeal to the liberal
Thought Of the. neOule of the United
ssVates, and esk t7fenf 90 fook ovcr-tlaoa
business career Of my life and answer
whether / have acted like an insane man
or like a sane one" We have this from
the Banner of Light, one of whose me-
diums has been interviewing the Com
modore.
Turkish beggars, sufferers Of the
present war in the east, have put in an
appearance. One Of these medicants
himself at the door Of an up
town residence lately, with mis- hat
extended in a supplicatory manner, and
muttering, Allah Bishmallah goloshes
rustachuk," or something that way.
When Cross dog came up and seized
mouthful of his bFggy breeches he
exclaimed: Git out % that ye dirty
brute, or I'll knock Off the head O. ye.'
He knew the dog wouldn't understand
the Turkish language.-Norristoacn Her
aid.
How to carry some burning Goals
from one room to another was the prob
lem that arose in the philosophers apart
ment for the philosopher was too poor to
own a shovel and too wise to burn his
fingers. In the absence OF proper uten-
sill. it was a problem of immeasurable
difficulty, and the philosopher racked his
brains in the desperate effort to solve it
by the rules, methods and processes, of
all the science at his command. And
while he was deep in these processes the
neighbor's little girl gathered up double
handful of cold ashes, aud the live Goals
placed thereon went safely to their des>
tination.
An Irish lady called on photo
grapher to have a cabinet portrait taken.
When the artist removed the plate he
told her she need not sit any longer. On
coming out from the dark room he found
her still bolt upright in the chair, with
that look of petrifed despair on her face
peculiar to the Photographic pose. " You
needn't sit there any longer" said the
frightened artist. What's that ?" she
hoarsely whispered, without changing
muscle. "I say you needn't sit there
now-I have finished" he explained.
" Amt to pay ye a dollar? she inter-
rogated, in the same gurgling tone, with
her eyes strained on the mark. Yes"
"Well, thin, do We name TO say I'm to
give ye dollar for only FIVE minits in
the cheer? Begorra, I'll have full tin
minits fur the money, an that's little
enough, in all conscienceW And she
had it.
The drunkard must, will and wants
to drink why? Not because the liquor
is palatable at this stage it is not necesN
sary that the drinker shall have choice,
"smooth" and old liquors. He would,
if the two kinds were put before him in
private, choose the older whisky but,
from the fact that it was smoother, he
would want an increased measure, 70
make up for the absence Of "burn." the
warming of the inwards" as 1t went
down. This may seem strange, even 70
habitual (but not deprayed) drinkers
but it is a fact, that, the more fiery the
draft, the nearer it approaches their de-
sires. In fact, the most desirable drink
that can be thought of for the reany-
deprayed drinker il a glass OF raw sp'''''
and n liberal addition OF Jamaica ginAot
or some preparation of caPSicum,, Pl,.,.Is.
this add enough ginger ale, as vsa's' :.,,.'.e
70 land it safe in the stomach "''Dgs '''.
strangulation. Once this oo.s ',,.,. ihs
fortably down, in sufficient qusns q...s 1.A
drunkard is in eIysium.--Ho'7'