The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1878-01-17
A Minnesota Remedy for Cold Feet.


1t is said that during extremely cold
weather it occasionally happens that the
feet of ladies who are not within reach
of stoves, fire-places, or furnace regis
tiers become painfully cold. This IS, OF
course, an extremely delicate topic, but
it is undeniable that cold feminine feet
do exist. Many remedies have been
proposed, but there is none which has
proved perfectly satisfactory. 1t has
been confidently asserted that il any
lady were to wear three pair of thick
shoes, together with two pair of cotton
and six pair of woolen-well, stockings,
cold feet would be unknown; but mas
much as the most delicate foot if thus
arrayed would rival in apparent size
and grace a full-grOwn sofa cushion, no
lady has yentured to try the remedy. 1t
has also been suggested that metallic
shoes fitted with tanks for hot water
would keep the entire female system in
a gentle simmer, but here again the size
of the proposed shoes is fatal Objec-
ton to the plan. Mr.. Dio Lewis boldly
remarks to the ladies of Boston: Z" II
you wish to keep your feet warm eat q
quart of oat-meaf three times day, and
throw away your elastic" but really
his language can not be repeated. 1t is
sufficient that his advice has not been
followed. and that his country-wOmen
Indignantly deny that he knows any
thing about their circulation, and the
I effect upon it of the articles of dress
which he coarsely mentions.
The wife of Mr.. James Withers, of
I East Bridgewater, Mimi, was until re-
/ Gently, one OF the most respected ladies
! in the East Bridgewater Baptist Church.
/ She was Young and beautiful, and in her
4 devotion to the interests of the cOngre-
CATION and the Sunday-schOol was so
] conspicuous that the minister wished
that she was 90 years older, so that he
/ could without ofense refer to her from
the pulpit as a prize-specimen mother
/ in Israel. Minnesota happens to be eX-
/ cessively cold in winter; so cold, in fact,
that the inhabitants are frequently una
BILE to remember their own names. in
spite of her youth, beauty, and general
excellence, Mrs. Withers was peculiarly
susceptible to the influence of cold
weather, and suffered untold agonies
from cold feet from the first of Novem-
Der to the middle of April. The Bap-
list meeting house was a particularly
cold place, and it often happened that
after the end Of the Sunday morning
service Mr.. Withers was compelled to
carry his wife to the stove and to thaw
her out before attempting to take her
home.
During the recent cold snap in East
Bridgewater, Mrs. Withers suffered so
severely that she came to the determin-
, alton 10 try every remedy for cold feet
! which any body might suggest to her.
On Saturday evening, Dec. 80, Mr..
: Withers being absent on visit to Chi
cago, his younger brother, bad young
man, holding the position of Teller in the
! local bank, and noted for his fOndness for
: sinful games of every description, called
) upon Mrs. Withers, and when that adj
5 mirable woman bewailed the GOODNESS
! of the Baptist meeting house, told her
: he had an infallible recipe for keeping
5 the feet warm in the very coolest wealth
t err. He advised his innocent sister-in-
! law to pour half pint of Cayenne pep
: per, mixed with two tablespoonful of
ground mustard, into each of her stock
2 iAgs, just before going to meeting, and
r assured her that if she would try this
: cheap and simple remedy her feet would
5 remain comfortably warm. Mrs. With
e ers thanked the young man with a
1 guileless gratitude that would have
r touched the heart of brass monkey,
and instantly sent the servant TO buy
: six pounds of Cayenne pepper.
On the following morning, just before
: the church-bell rang, she used the COM
S bined pepper and mustard in accord
B ance with her brOther-in-law's instruc-
e tons, and walked to the meeting house
+ without any inconvenience from the
: cold. The service began, and though
$ at first Mrs. Withers felt delightfully."-
) warm, she showed signs of uneasiness
t long before the minister gave out his
} text. Just when that eloquent preacher
t was well under way, he was stricken
2 dumb with horror at the unaccOuntable
conduct of Mrs. Withers, who suddenly
began to dance in the widest manner
| and to shrek ''Take them Off" in the
: most heart-rending tones. 1t was too
: late in the season for snakes, and hence
the congregation jumped to the cOnelu-
, sion that Mrs. Withers had gone mad
The DeacOns promptly FASTENED to ner
/ relief, but the more they tried to cain
her the more violently she danced
Finally she broke loose from them, and
, tearing off her shoes and stockings fled
: barefooted to the nearest house.
While the congregation watched heI
flight down the aisle and won
dered whether she could break
J hole in the frozen river
large enough for drowning purpose, a
sudden and unanimous desire to sneeze
fell upon them, and for the next ten
minutes the uproar was deafeniHg. At
the end of that time the minister dis
missed his audience by an elaborate
pantomime, and went home firmly con-
vinced that the days of demoniacal pos
session and witchcraft had returned.
The next morning Mrs. Withers took
Y the earliest train for Chicago, and her
wicked brother-in-law, who was fright
ened at the horrible success of his joke,
started prematurely upon his European
tour, leaving at least three thousand
dollars of bank assets which, had he
waited two weeks longer, he would have
been able to take with him.
This teaches us that our little feet
were never made to be tortured with
pepper and mustard, and that it is better
that one person should suffer from cold
than that a whole congregation should
sneeze itself out of its collective boots
Ne10 York Times.