Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-10-03
THE PARSONS HORSE RACE.


would Mt "a thought it o. the Deacon"
50 spoke Sam Lawson, dropping in q
discouraged, contemplative attitude in
front of an equally discouraged-looki
horse, that had just been brought to him
BY the widow Simpkins for medical
treatment. Among Sans many aC-
cOmplishments he was rcckOned in the
ncighbOrhood an oracle in all matters
Of this kind, especially by women,
whose helplessness in meeting such
emergencies found unfailing solace
under his compassionate willingness to
attend to any business that
did not strictly belong to him, and from
which no pecunialy return was to be
expected.
The widow Simpkins had bought
this horse Of Deacon Atkins, apparent
" 4 fairly well-appOinted brute. and
capable as he was good-Iooking. A
short, easy drive when the deacon held
the reins had shown off his points to
advantage, and the widows small stock
Of ready savings had come forth freely
in payment for what she thought was a
bargain. When, soon after coming in
to possession, she discovered that her
horse, If driven with any haste, painted
IN fearful manner, and that he APP
pearcdtO be growing lame, she Waxed
Wroth, and went to the deacon in anger,
To be met only with the smooth re-
mlnder that the animal was all right
when she took him,-that she had
seen him tried herself The widow was
Of 4 nature somewhat spicy, and ex-
pressed herself warmly: Its a cheat
n 81, I'll
yc"
what law will you take?" said the
unmOyed deacon. "Was MT it n fair
bargain p
"I'll take the law Of God" said the
widow, with impotent indignation, and
she departed TO pour her cares and
trials INTO the ever ready ear of sam.
Having assumed the care of the ami
mai, henow sat contemplating it in a
sort of trance Of melancholy reflection.
why, boys, he broke out, "why didn't
she come to me afore she bought
this crittT! Why, / knew all about
HIM. That ere crittw was Jest ruined
year ago last summer, when Tom, the
deacon's boy there, came home from
college. Tom drlv him over to Shcr-
burn and back that ERE hot Fourth of
July. Member it, cause | saw the crit
tur when he come home; | sot UP with
Tom takln' care of him all night; that
ere crittur had the thumps All night. and
he nalnt never been good for nOthin'
since | telled the deacon he was a
gone boss then, wouldn' never be good
ior nOthln'. The deacon he took off
his shoes and let him run to pastur'
all summer, and he's ben a-feedin, and
nussln' on him up; and now he's put
HIM OIL on the widdcr. l would Mt "a
thought it o the deacon. Why, this
hoss'll never be no good to her; that
ere 5 4 used-up crittur, any fool may
see! He'll mabbe do for about GUAR
ter Of an haur on a smooth road, but
come to drive him as body wants to
drive, why, he blows like my bellowsis:
and the deacon knew it-must ~
known it!7
why, Sam" we exclaimed, "ai'nt the
deacon good man p
Wal now, there's where the shoe
pmches! In 4 gm'al way the deacon is
4 good man-he's considerable more
than middlin' good-gin'a ally he adorns
has pCrfesslon. On most p'ints | don't
hey nothin' agin the an deacon and this
ere ANITA bit like him-but there I is
Come to hosses, there's where the I'M
sanctitied natur' comes out. Folks will
cheat about bosses when they won't
about most nothin' else" And Sam
leaned back on his cold forge, now
empty Of coal, and seemed to deliver
himself 10 Il mournfui train of general
reelection. Yes, hosses does seem to
be sort O unregenerate critturs," he
broke out, ''there's suthin' about HOSES
that deceives the very elect; the best O
folks gets tripped up when they come
to deal in hosses."
Why, sam, is there anything bad in
horses ?" we inteuected, timidly.
Tain't the hCsses, boys" said Sam
With solemnity. Lordy massy, the
HOSES is al right enough,-hosses is
scriptural animals: Elijah went up to
heaven IN a chari't with HOSES: and
then all them lots O bosses in the Ray
Citations, black and white and red and
all sorts O colors, That ERE shows
bosses goes to heaven; but its more'n
the folks that hev 'cm is likely to. eff
they don't look out.
Minister'S now" continued Sam, in
. ooiiACNI NtIAiIisS Veil 1OLhS dl6IS lIll1lkS
its suthin' sort O. shaky in minister to
hev much to do with HOSES, to
get EN- into trouble. There was old
Parson Williams, of North Billriky, cot
into dretful mess about boss. Lordy
massy, he warn't to blame, neither, but
he got into the dreffulest scrape YOU
ever heard on-come nigh to unsettlin'
him >
- Sam, tell us all about it," we
bo. shouted, delighted with the pros
pect of a story.
Wall, wait now till get off this crit
tur's shoes, and we'll take him up to
pastur, and then we can kind O set by
the river and fish. Hepsy wanted a
mess O fish for supper, and was call
latin to git some for her. You boys
60 and be digging bait and git yer
lines"
And so as we were sitting TRANQUILITY
beside the Charles river, watching our
lines, Sans narrative began
4e see, boys, Parson Wiliams,-
he's dead now,-but when [ was a boy
he was one of the greet men round here.
He writ books. He writ tract agin
heArmenians, and put 'em down. and
he writ Il big book on the millennium
1--WE got that ere book now;l and he
was smart preacher; folks said he had
invitations TO settle in Boston, and
there amt no doubt he might "a he'd a