St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-08-30
Squibs.

IA ike to see them put me in Jail" !"
says Mr.. Kearney. "Ah !" remarks the
Detroit Free Press with delightful en-
thusiasm, ''who wouldn't 2"
The reason why only one garter is
given, instead of a pair of garters, is
because the honor is not usually con-
ferred until the recipient has one leg in
the grave.-Funny Folks.
The title of one of Bob IngersolPs
lectures is ''SOme Mistakes of joseph
We desire to state in advance, in the
most distinct terms, that Joseph did
right.-Bufalo Express
The Boston Transcript asks, "What
is the conservative party 2" The con-
servative party, dear sir, is the man
who persists in drinking the New Eng
land rum of the fathers rather than the
lager beer of the sons.-Turners Falls
Reporter.
Some sojOurner at one of the alum
springs in West Virginia publishes in
local paper, "An ode to the Springs
Of course it's alum Yonkers Ga
sette. Why don't they start college
there 1t could begin with plenty of
alum m-nigh.-Graphic.
A subscriber wrote to a journal to
make some inquiries about the next
worlds fair, whereupon the wickod ed
ltor replied that he was under the inn
preston that the next world wouldn't
have any fair.
Aunt: 'Shall give you a new doll.
Maggie ?" Maggie: "No. thanks
aunty: l should never love another
doll like this; for see, it has only got
one eye, one leg and one arm, and no
body would care for it if didn't. Prop
er dolls can take care of themselves.
you know"
Shopman "If you will step into
the next room shall be able to show
you some wonderful old lars RECENTLY
dug up at POmpeii." Lady: "What
that horrid old Italian town? Wby. I
couldn't bear anything that came from
the place; 1t is so fearfully out of re-
pair"
We could get along we'll enough in
TINS world it we did not have so many
disinterested friends to help us.-Ne;v
York Graphic.
The worst thing about mosquito is
its long solilOquy as to where and when
It had better settle down and bite
NoW HUO6H hegtSCef.
A greenback orator shouts: "Give
us greenbacks ere we starve p Waiter
pass the watermelon that way. The
wlld-eyed son of toll wants nourisb-
ment.-Iurners Falls Reporter.
"W hat is the cause of strikes ~ asks
contemporary. We know: Mosqui-
toes. They cause more strikes than
any other animate or inanimate thing
on the face of the earth. We made NOT
less than fifty strikes at one last NIGHT
without hitting it.-Norristoavn Herald.
When the nurse brought twins tn a
fond husband in Paris, recently he
threw up his hands, shrugged his
shoulders, and exclaimed SEverv-
tnlng has doubled during the Exposi-
tion.n po''-
Josh Billing says :-"All you have to
do to raise oats is to plough the land
deep, then manure it we'll, then sDrinlrle
the oats all over the ground, one in
place, then worry up the ground ali
over, then set; up nights to keen tba
cinekens and wOodchucks out of than
then cradle them together with a cradle
then rake them together with a raLe
men olnd them together with band.
tnen stack them up in a stack, then
.nrasn ~ them out with a fail, then clean
them up with mill, then sharpen both
enus 81 oI tnem with knife, then stow
Inem away in the granary, then spend
wei days and Sundays trapping for rats
ana mice. 1t amt nothing but finn to
raise oats-try it.n