The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-09-14
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
The muscles of the human jaw exert force Of
j34 pounds. Think Of that, young man, in choos-
ing partner for life.
Up to the hour of his death, Col. Stone. Of the
Commercial Advertiser, pointed with pride TO
the fact that he was the only man. whom William
Cullen Bryant ever cowhided.-OH City Der
rick.
How shall we treat the tramps?' asks the
New York Sun. TO which conundrum the Bur-
Iington Hawkeye says Oh, well, If you are
going to fraternize with them that way, we be-
lieve they generally take straight whiskey."
a Portland, Me-, paper gives this as proof of
the force Of Imagination 50 The owner OF a
standard thermometer, on Exchange street,
etherized the mercury, reducing it to temperate.
Men came along persplring at every pore, with
fans spread and umbrellas, and when they saw
the indications, lowered the umbrellas, folded
the fans, and remarked how quickly they felt
the sea breeze -
One of our most valuable contributors severed
his connection with the Hawkeye last week, be-
cause in a short personal notice of him and his
work the city editor omitted to speak of" bis
facile PEN" This was grave omission, but as
the city editor was shot at sunrise, just outside
the city gates, we trust the contributor VIII be
appeased, hand will again .enliven our columns
with the bright scintillatons from his facile and
versatile pen.--Buriington Hal1keFe.
A parrot created sensation in baggage car
on the Chicago, Burlington Quincy railroad
the other day. The cage enclosed in paper
and set on a coffin, and was soon forgotten. AS
the conductor and other train men were passing
through the car, they heard sepulchral voice
issuing apparently from the coffin, crying, F." Lem
me out ;" They were startled and frightened,
and thought they had sure case of ghost,
till Polly discovered whining for liberty.
Ii has always bothered us to find out why
Adam offered Eve the first bite of that apple of
his, without holding on to the apple. Ten
chances to one, if he should try that little game
on the daughters of old mother Eve, who live in
the nineteenth century, he wouldn't get sight
of the core or the satisfaction of seeing the color
of the seeds. Perhaps Eve had the toothache, or
else her false teeth didn't fit her coon enough to
take the advantage of Adams generosity.-EE
mira Gazette.
Santa Cruz Town Talk '' We saw Alexan-
der Stephens on the the other day. We
thought it was somebody's overcoat thrown in
the only unoccupied seat in the coach. And
picking it up, we started to throw it across the
back of a seat, when it began to kick and swear
We dropped it, and as it hit the floor voice
said, I'm Alexander Stephens, SIR He is as
thin as a June shad, weighs about thirty, and
sitting sideways it will take six such as he to fill
a car seat"
Olive Logan reports new and expensive stock
ing 1t is to be of lace, " open work from the
toe to over the knee, and so transparent that
ladies will have to wear silk stocking under it.
Once let the American women see them," says
Miss Logan, - and they'll all die but what
they'll have them, until some new folly comes in.
and then you won't be able to sell pair at one
fifth their value" 1t would not be wise to
question this assertion. Olive Logan is an Anne
rican woman herself, and she knows.
A Young man took dinner with fashionable
TtaN fhar Naxt mo
ing he was found dead in his bed, with his boots
on. They thought he had been poisoned, sc
they analyzed the contents of his stomach, but
nothing was found in it except pickles
pound cake, lemonade, cold turkey, beer, freC
oysters cold punch, ham sandwich, sponge cake
beef tea mince pie, champagne, lobster, brandy
game pie fruIt-cake, tea, chicken salad, whiskey
coffee, bologna sausage, port, cheese, sardIne
and sherry, so the jury have returned verdict o
died through the visitation of friends.
An intelligent farmer living in Des Moine
county has invented henophone, modelled o.
the principle of the telephone, by which one oil
reliable hen occupying a central o8ce in th
henery, sits on all the nests about the establish
ment leaving other fowls free to lay eggs
scratch and cacke. AS fast as a new nest cor
tains the full complement of eggs, it is connecte
with the central Office by a copper wire and th
business is settled. The only trouble with th
machine is that it sits so hard it matches out th
porcelain nest eggs along with the others, so thG
one chick In every nest is born with glass eye
and the farmer has to buy and train dog
lead it around. This makes it expensive.-Bu
ERgfoH RaUkeye
Smifkins through the exertions of iniuenti
friends in Philadelphia, received new ID. o.
ID. dollar of our Daddies) last week; and
course the event was celebrated in the prevale
mode. Late in the evening, s. was explains
to his wife why he had been detained SO Ion
Said he: " M'dear, shee that moo (hicl doll
Thasb wass a mzzer. | essen said 'er (hic) he;
of er Gobbess of Liderty-er (hicl Lobbess
Giderty-wash fatern ole Giddess er (hi
Ioberty-I mean er Liddess o Goberty.' Nj
: Gnterrupting)-'' Smifkins: You're drum
You mean the Goddess of Liberty" " Sher
Iv. didn' l shay Loddess of Giberty -(straig
ening up and speaking severely Mrs.
you're drunk you own (hic) shelter Y
wouldn't shay er Libbess er Goderty while 'luC
to er (hIc) Gibbess of Lodderty. Chico
Journal
In response to an invitation to separate
daughter-in-law said: 60 Entreat me not to lie;
thee or to return from following after thee:
JTbither thou goest, will go, and where Ii
Iodgest, will lodge; thy people shall be
Ieople and thy God my God. Where thou di
I viii die, and there will be buried: the l.
40 so to me, and more also, if aught but De
nart you and me- A sou-in-law would b
seaid: 90, and stand not upon the order of goi
for wherever you 60 III try and not be thc
In the house you board I'll not take roo
Don't fear that III follow you, old gal, or
go,, to return have all of your people th'
desire to make my people; of the church you
tend will not become a member. w hen
die [ will attend your funeral, but have
wish to be buried in the same graveyard.
the devil fly away with me if do not mean
Tho hat