West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-08-03
WAITS AND WHIMS.

ENVY no man his talent, but improve
thy own
QUEEN MERCEpEs left her husband
$4,000, 900.
NEwroRr and Lake George both prom
isc "A poor season.
lCE-CEEAM done up I'm vegetable shapes
is a restaurant fancy.
BUDDHISM is the most widely extended
religion on the earth.
lCE-CREAM dealers say this is the best
season for many years.
To read without rejecting is like eat
ing without digestion.
PERSONS often lack courage to appear
as good as they really are
AUNT SALLY is the popular target
practice with bow and arrow.
THERE are seventy-two female post
masters in the United States.
SIXTEEN curves or turns of the pen in
the average in writing word.
The pen of rapid writer travels six
teen and half feet per minute.
COLONEL FoRNEY says n dissipated
public man il n rarity in France
SOUNDS are distinct at twice the dis
lance ON water they are ON land.
The individual chiefly anxious to see
the rule laid down is the school-boy.
A GOOD penman makes twenty-eight
thousand turns with his pen In an hour
BASE BALL doesn't take in Germany,
and there are no clubs in that country
IT is said that there is not the usual
promise of profit this season ut Newport.
REST satisfied with doing we'll, and
leave others 10 talk Of you as they will.
HosPITALITY, whisky and watermelons
are recommended as Indian extermina-
tors Breakfast Table.
A BRAVE man is one who is not afraid
10 wear old clothes until he can afford
to buy new. All editors are heroes.
TIE summer everyday suit Of aMada-
gascar gentleman costs only fifteen cents,
and twelve Of those are laid out for
cane.
Ice isregarded rs n prime necessity in
Bombay, and the supply is obtained
from this country, being shipped chiefly
from Boston.
The Graphic states that William II.
Vanderbilt now controls railroad and
telegraph companies having capital of
1898, ,070, ,479.
"MA," said little girl, what is all
this fuss about trademarks? Ia IL trade
marks that makes 80 many wrinkles in
pas forheadP P
" j WISH to be a friend TO the friend
less, father to the fatherless, and
widow 90 the widowless," said n gushing
speaker at recent revival meeting.
4 AscnooLYrsTHsss once asked pupil TO tell
What words the letters double J. spell.
The child vas but duh, and 80 mistress cries,
What Is II, you Ounce, do with my eycs7"
o. yes says tho child, quickly taking the hint,
" know the word now, ma'am-S double u,
squint"
WELL" remarked city philosopher
during the progress of scOrching sun
spot, when can't get cool any other
way ! go home and have a breeze with
my wife"
" WHATS the use of man painting
his name on his sign twicep said gen
tleman 20 his friend as he pointed to
sign which read 81. r.. Weller,
JewelleT"
A FRENCH cynic defines a physician
as an unfortunate gentleman who is ex-
pected every day 10 perform q miracle,
to reconcile health with intemperance.
There is too much truth in the French
mans sarcasm.
SINCE Mr. Edison has started out in
earnest on q hunt after noises, a suffer
ing world will appeal 10 him 10 turn
his attention 10 the backyard cat prob
lem as soon a. he shall have finished with
the elevated railway.
or every thousand men, twenty die
annually. The population Of city or
country is renewed once i'm thirty years.
The number Of old men who die in cold
weather is to those who die in warm
weather as seven to four
WHEN the Persians under Xerxes i'm
vaded Greece, their naughty General
sent these words to Leonidas, the com
mander Of the GreCian forces "Surren-
der your arms" LeOnidas wrote and
returned the answer on the same paper
Come and take them"
A UTAH husband intmated that he
would get q divorce because his wife did
not tell him before marriage that one Of
her arms was badly Scared. He now
tries to make his neighbors believe his
nose got caught i'm the chink while he
was hanging a new patent farm gate
Brcqkfast Table
"I AROSE at six O'Clock this morning
and see what ] found in taking a walk
in the highway" said the fond father,
displaying a silver dollar; is that not
proof of the advisability of early risingP
No" replied the son. And whyP
/ asked the father, just as people always
do in fables and Sunday school stories.
" Because the fellow who lostit boldly
replied the son, got up too blamed early
, for his own good ."-PVck.