The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1878-12-20
SIFTIN(4S
Abou- people-Clothes.

A home iournal-the grocer's book.
Real estate eonveyances-Dirt carts
The lap of luxury-A cat eating cream.
GLANDS" that work by time-A clocks.
A speaking Iikeness-Your twin broth
er.
A Detroit baker wants to know what is
the greatest kneed of the hour.
The girl Of the perio sits at the win
dow watching for the coming man."
When man gets bald in Colarado
they say his head has got above the tim
Der line.
A Joker challenged sick mans vote at
4 city election on the ground that he was
an ILLEGAL voter.
The reason why wine is put in mock
turtle soup is probably because wine is a
mocker.
Mrs. Throwcats resides in Columbus,
Ca II her business is all her name i'm
plies, she ought to have constant employ
ment.
i Young rlan who can't or don't want to
find WORK m y cheer up. Twelve men of
IitusvIle have succeeded in marrying
school teachers.
/ a cockney, in speaking Of the decease
Of an octogenaran at Hayti, said
"He was born at 'Ayti, and died at
heigbty.7
Most Christians consider the Bible more
precious than gold. But they lock up
their silverware and jewels at night and
allow the Word 10 remain on the parlor
table.
An o. bachelor said he once fell in
love with a young lady, but abandoned
ali idea Of marrying her when he found
that she and all her family were opposed
, to it.
Statistics 90 to show that one-half the
| swearing used i'll the management of q
/ river steamboat will run three dozen rail.
way trains nine times as far,-CAicagc
Journal.
Didn't your aunt die rather suddenly ?,
]. was asked of visitor from Maine the
! other day why, yes, was the drawled
out answer, "she did die suddenly-rathel
for her,
Some irresponsible Journalist is inform
ing the people how to tell rabid dog
e Well, if he wants to tell rabid dog any
e thing he may but we prefer to commuui
If cate with him BY telegraph.
u "Woa't ,ou ladies tell me what you arr
: talking about?1 said fop. "l,m al
y ears One Of the ladies looked at hin
sharply, and said: $50 you are; yo'
:, ought never 10 have your hair cut"
= An American doctor has been givin:
: the spaniarls kerosene baths to cure 'eu
: of consumption, and some ofthe patient
= think they feel a great deal better thai
= they did. They viii make good lamr
: vcss il time.
:, Portugal has law by which widow
= over SO years old are prevented from ma
, rying again This is as it should b
'e When woman has reached that age sh
=, :, should put in her time making soft soa
= and putting up pickles.
"Do you call that clothes?" sail, sterl
= ly, British Custom official to the wona
:, - who had sworn that there was nothing
- - her trunk but clothes for herself and hus
J. band, and as he spoke he pointed to s.
!; ! bottles of bran ". "Ycs,o said she, softl
! "those are bis night-eaps."
is. A country damsel, describing her fir
10. kiss, told her female friend that she nev
It's. knew how it happened, but the last THU
she remembered was sensation Of fgI
: !. ing for he breath in a hot hou,, full
.ts. yiolets, wi h ventilation checked by blus
r.. roses and tulips.
ide eJohnng,H said sporting faith
for Johnny, what have You got in your fist
is "Two pears, said Johnny. Go
q hand, sail the absent minded pare
to ',take the p,t-~a then he blushea, al
pointing to brass kettle, he aided,
your mother"
mo s:Ten dimes makes one dollar, said
lna ~ sehoolmaster. "Now. 60 on, sir, I
the collars make one-vhat q, They ma
IT, one mighty glad these times, ! replied
''o -, new boy, AMI the teacher, wi hadn't
= us lis last month 5 ,lary yet, conelu lei Il
=, the boy was abolt right.
A Frenehmac wants to know why pl
ging a watermelon means cutting a h
. in il, Will. plugging tooth IS to fill
ged Well, they plug watermelon for .
) 4 and dig hole in a tooth for = plug. a
The you take your choice between cole I
siye tooshache. Either Is very film at
hey price.
did 81 know where there is another a
x,,:jfj :.