The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1878-04-23
MALAPROPOs.

MALAPROPOs.
A Bevy Of ridiculous and Embarras-
sing BlundeFS.
Charles Dickens once wrote to a friend:
81 have distinguished myself in two re-
spects lately. l took a young lady un-
known down to dinner, and talked to
her about the Bishopof Durham's nepo-
tism in the matter of Mr.. Cheese. I
found she was Mrs. Cheese. And I ex-
patiated to the member for Marylebone,
Lord Fermoy generally conceiving him
to be an Irish member-on the contempt
ible character of the Marylebone CON
stituency and Marylebone representa-
tives." Two such mishaps in one even
ing were enough to reduce the most brill
liant talker to the condition of the three
"insides 7" of the London-bound coach,
who beguiled the tedium of the journey
from Southampton BY discussing the de-
merits of William Goblet, until one of
the party went so far az to assert that
the object of their denunciations was a
domestic tyrant, given to beating his
wife; when, much to his dismay, the
solitary lady passenger, who had hither-
to, sat a listener, remarked: Pardon
me, sir; a kinder husband and father
never breathed !; and 1 ought to know, for
I am William Cobbett's wife!" i"
M. Giles, of Virginia, and Judge Du-
val, of Maryland, members Of Congress
during Washington's administration,
boarded at the house of q Mrs. Gibbon,
whose daughters were we'll on in years,
and remarkable for talkativeness. When
Jefferson became president, Duval was
comptroller of the treasury, and Giles a
senator. Meeting one day in Washing
ton, they fell to chatting over old times,
and the senator asked the comptroller if
he knew what had become of "that cack-
ling old maid, Jenny Gibbon." "She
is Mrs. Duval, sir" was the unexpected
reply. Giles did not attempt to mend
matters, as a certain Mr.. Tuberville un-
wisely did. This unhappy blunderer re-
sembled the Irish gentleman who COM
planned that he could not open his mouth
without putting his foot in it. Happen
ing to observe to a fellow-guest at Dun
raven Castle that the lady who had sat
at his right hand at dinner was the ugli-
est woman he had ever beheld, the per-
son addressed expressed his regret that
he should think his wife so ill-looking.
IL have made mistake" said the hor-
ri6ed Tuberville; II meant the lady
who sat on my left" "Well, sir, she is
my sister," was the response to the we'll
intentioned fib, bringing from the des-
perate connoisseur Of beauty the frank
avowal: "It can't be helped, sir, then !;
for, if what you say be true, confess 1
never saw such an ugly family in the
course of my life"
An honest expression Of opinion, per-
haps not so easily forgiven by the
individual concerned, was that wrung
from Mark Twain, who, standing right
before young lady in a Partisan public
garden, cried out to his friend, "Dan,
just look at this girl; how beautiful she
is! " to be rebuked by " this girl " saying
in excellent English: II thank you
more for the evident sincerity of the
compliment, sir, than for the extraordin-
airy publicity you have given It'll" Mark
took walk, but did not feel just COM
Portable for some time afterwards.
One of the humorist's countrymen
made much more serious blunder. He
was a married man. Going into the
kitchen one day, pair of soft hands
were thrown over his eyes, kiss was i'm
printed on his cheek. He returned the
salute with interest, and, as he gently
disengaged the hands of his fair assail-
ant, asked: "Mary, darling, where is
the mistress?" and found his answer in
an indignant wife's face. MARY dar-
ling" had gone out for the day, and the
lady of the house intended by her afec.
tionate greeting to give her lord pleas
ant surprise. He got his surprise;
whether he thought it pleasant one he
never divulged, but that kitchen knew
Mary no more.
When a note was handed to DR.. Flet.
cher in his pulpit intimating that the
presence of medical gentleman, sup.
posed to be in the church, was urgently
required elsewhere, the preacher read
the letter out, and, as the doctor was
making for, the door, fervently ejacu-
lated: "May the Lord have mercy on
his patient?'
An unpleasant way of putting the
thing was innocently adopted by the
New York car.driver, who, blissfully
ignorant that his interlocutor was Mr.
Beecher, replied to that gentleman's
query whether he did not .hink it pos.
sible to dispense with running the cars
all day on Sunday. Yes, sir, I do; but
there's no hope for it as long as they
keep that Beecher theater open in Brook.
Ign; the cars have to run to accommo.
date that"
An American newspaper says: "The
enthusiastic choir.master who adopted
Hold the Fort as a professional hymn
has been dismissed by the minister, who
considered it personal when the choil
burst forth: 80.
"See the mighty host advancing,
az Satan leading on"
Chambers Journal
Some of Prentice's Sayings.
A recent writer reproduces from the
files of the Louisville Journal some OF
Gonrro ~ pron%;oo,s uifficiems which