The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1878-09-21
HUMOROUS.


showed a visitor through the house-"you
will observe that we have two halls" eyes,"
said the guest-he was book ok-keeper-'I
am 'ud to see you live on the double-entry
plan"
Another round of weeks, and then
The little child of sin
Will hurdle the forbidden fence
And scoop the pippin in.
And with his martial spirit quelled
By pain his thefts beget,
He'll clutch his little vest and wish
lie had no apple cat.
Two card playing friends were passing
through me forest, when oiiG asked the
other this audacious question: "Why cannot
the proprietor of this forest fell his own tim
ber?" "Because no one is allowed to cut
When il is His own deal'
When Jonah interviewed the whals
And haunted his internalsj
AS erst it is recorded in
The truthfulest of journals,
What monarch did he symbolize2
"a far-fetched joke you'll style it,
1t seems to us he might have been
A sort of paunch's pilot
-" Ybu nust cultivate decision of char
acter and learn to say "No,'" said a father
to his son. Soon ofterward, when the father
said to the son, "Chop wood" the boy said
NO." with an emphasis that showed a re.
membrance of the lesson.
An honest ignoramus, who had escaped
great peril by all act of heroism, was much
complmented for his bravery. One lady
said; 81 wish could haAe setn your feat"
Whereupon he blushed and stammered, and,
finally, pointing to his pedal extremities, he
saidJ "Well, there they be- mum"
"A physician; who had been annoyed by
numerous questions concerning the cotidi
ton of patient was stopped, while on his
busy rounds, by than with the old ques-
ton; "How's Ny" "Ill,' replied the ply
scian. "Does he keep his bed?" "Ofcourse
he does: You don'tsuppose he's fool enough
to sell his bed, because he's i'll, do you?"
What did you give that blood mare of
yours the other day when she had the bots?"
asked Wall street broker of a friend from
Long island. "a pint of spirits of turpen-
tine. Good morning" Morning" and
they separated. Two days after, the same
parties met in the street. "Say, look O. here,
| gave my mare a pint of turpentine, and,
by Jove, it killed her!' 80 it did mne!"
was the reply. "Good morning" "Morn-
ing" and straightway they departed.
-"And you are at school now, are you?"
was the question ola countryman to a little
nephew, who, short time before had COM
menced his education. "And do you like
the school, my mani" "Yes," whispered
the boy. "Thats right You'll be brave
scholar, III warrant. How far aro you in
your class, my little studeut?" Next to
the head" "Next to the head, say you?
Come, now, you deserve something for that"
said his uncle, thrustng dime into the
hands of the delighted urchin. "And how
many are in your class" az and little
girl"
Tho other day Jiihmy, years old,
found one of those bone-rimmed circles
which, l believe, ladies call eyelets, and
while playing in the garden, swallowed it.
The family were in the house; busily engag-
ed with q work on entomology, Shen Jimmy
ran in, with mouth wide open and eyes dis
tended to their utmost capacity. His moth
er caught him by the arm, and, trembling
with that deep anxiety which only a mother
can feel Inquired; "What is the matter?
What has happened?' "Water" gasped
little Jihimy, nearly "scarcd to death" 1t
was brought him, wEenj after drinking
cop5usly, he exclaimed; "Uh, mother,
swallowed a hole!" Swallowed hole JIM
ny?" "Yes, motherj swallowed lolej with
a piece of ivory round i'll"
Charles; do you really love my daugL-
teri" "You know do, Mrs Sinikins." GLOW
much do you love her?' ~ love her-I love
as hard as a horse can kick" Mrs. Simkins
saidi"You may have her; bees you both"
Interested benefits are 60 eohmon that
ve Heal not B5 as,onisl!cd II gratitude be
rare.
The cool evenings remind us that the
autumn has pooled its issues aud the summer
"must 60"