The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1878-05-04

A ~ b
Dotted line. &C. CO denote position Of Mr. schur1s legs
Tho exiled gentleman was llstlessly turning
over the sheets of Mr.. Jerome Hopkins's latest
symphony. now and them hummng an air that
caught his eye. Every little while he would
roll up his eyes and groan. felt that II was
indeed kind OF him to admit me to his painful
privacy. and that nothing but business Of the
most momentous import could Justify the in
trusion.
Upon polite inquiry from me as to the con-
diton Of his nerves that afternoon. Mr.. Schurz
petulanty tossed aside Mr.. Hopkins's great
work. and demanded:
Have you any mechanical ability?"
"A little. perhaps" / said. " / am more or
less familiar with the valuable treatises of Car
not and Huyghens. and of Naver and Poisson
and have helped build bridges"
Then" said Mr.. Schurz raising his head
from the lounge and swinging it over toward
me with lateral movement that reminded me
Of the giraffe. and at the same time dropping
his voice to husky whisper then your visit
is providential-or rather" he continued, cor
rcctng himself. :" 1t would be provdential pro-
vided there were any Providence. which we
cannot for a moment allow, in this age Of
reason"
Il only came. Mr.. Schurz." explained. ito
get your views on Brigadier- General lie Dues
project for converting the North American con-
tinent into one great tea garden -"
One great fiddle duddlel" exclaimed tho
Fraudulent Secretary. impatiently. lie Dues
an OK"
The Brigadier- General maintains" l per-
sisted " that tea can be successfully grown in
all parts OF the United States and that II our
agricuturists will turn their attention TO its Gull
tvation, tea will become so cheap that the poor
est can afford to drink that mild and harmless
beverage in profusion. and that tea"
sudden shver shook the Fraudulent Secre-
tary's frai frame and quivered down the length
of his long legs. saw that my remarks were
injudcious. and desisted.
" That's why I came" l said. hurrying to
change the subject. but il l can be Of any SER
vice to you IL your Frustrated condition. 1
shall be happy"
Mr.. Schurz thanked me with feeble smile.
The troubles in my legs" he whispered.
" They seem to be comfortably arranged"
said. pointing to the pile of music midway be-
| tween the lounge and the easy chair. and mark
ed ID in the first diagram.
You don't know" he exclaimed. talking ex-
citedly and with great rapidty-" you don't
know the ten million torturing demons that
Turk in every cupiu OF that not-sufllcicntly- to-
be-execrated posonl You don't know the
agony. the Undesirable torment that follows
the indulgence-every nerve connagration,
every muscle stringy hell and every MILL
| gramme Of skin or square inch Of trousers a
crushing load heavier than Atlas staggered un-
der. O. its pleasant enough to the palate and
seductive enough to the nose with its damnable
fragrance as it steams in the pot, but there is
an accursed Aiterward for the man that is be-
guiledl"
" But with particular reference 10 your legs -
| | asked.
MY legs" he earnestly replied. weigh seven
hundred million kilogrummcs. My feet arc
mountains Of lead When | put one on the
other. to gain rest by change Of attitude pilc
Ossa on Pclon. And it's not dull. dead weight
that | complain OF. Every atom in my lower
| limbs is alive with scnsitlveness. and fights tho
tremendous force that is dragging it down,
down. down-fghts gravitaion with a fierce
fury that will drive me mad
! was greatly moved by the Fraudulent Sccrc-
tary's ptiable condition; saw the source of
trouble instantly. The pile of music. said.
" does not afford sufficient support That part
Of your legs which is Immediately over the
music is comparatively comfortable. because
1t Is adequately sustained You suffer most in
the sections lying between the pile of music
and the lounge. and the pile Of music and the
chair
Mr.. Schurz groaned and nodded
| Now we cannot push the chair nearer the
foot of the lounge" continued. owing TO the
insuperable obstacle presented bv the extra
ordinary length Of your limbs. Have you any
more music books ?"
Mr. Schurz groaned and shook his head
They are all there in the pile already" he
said. " All that L possess, from Beethoven
| TO lie Coz"
took my pencil and rapidly made an alge-
braic calculation on tho back OF an envelope
II represented the amount OF theme infest
| ing Mr.. Schurz's system. and o the actual
weight of his legs, II was plain that the terrible
agony that dragged him down could not be less
than = = which | know was moro thar
any man of nervous temperament could beal
and preserve his sanity.
Cheer up. Noble Retormer." I said. You
have tried to do too much with your compl
Gated scaifoldng OF oasy chair and music books
Why attempt ambitious feats OF engineering
when there is simple and natural method o
giving support TO every horizontal inch of you
extremitiusf'
SO saying. | pulled away the easy chair or
which Mr. Schur2s heels were resting. an,
kicked out the midway prop OF music With
kick and convulsivc struggle tho legs Of tn
Fraudulent Secretary OF the Interior resisto,
the change for an instant. and then collapsed
with gentle thud into the easy and natural Do
sltion Indicated in this diagram: