The Portland daily press., 1878-10-04
lFrom the Burlington Hawkeye.l
Testing Pateat Medicines.

emf. Hendricks" said the Colonel, ''yoa are
the very man the State of Minnesota has been
crying for. We want you to take the first
place on the Committee on Medical aud Surgi-
cal display, aad appoiut your own associates
and subordinates. Now don't say no, for we
can't do without you."
Mr.. Hendricks didn't say no. He accented
the appointment aud went to work with a will
There has only been one day of the fair, you
know, but already Mr.. Hendricks has been so
overworked, so carried away by his enthusiasm,
that he will bs obliged to resign. 81 can't
stand it" said he in piteous tones. Il can't
stand it. Let us go up to your room and I'll
tell you all about it."
Well, he did have hard time All the men
who had porous plastsrs and liver pills and
stomach invigoratoys and anti-nalarial bitters
and electric pads and galvanic belts got after
him as soon as he made his appearance.
"There isn't fair in the country" shouted
one, that hasn't given the medal to 'Boggs's
Bitter Wine of Barberry'-try it?" Aud he
forced cordial-glass full down Mr.. Hendricks
throat when he went to taste it,
mo tonic equal to Tarboy's Aromatic Iufu-
sion Of Giuseng, howled another; just toneup
your stomach with that" aud down went a
dose of the lufusion of Ginseng.
Take tablespoonful of 'aenbane's Elixir
of Life for an anlidote to those poisons you We
been swallowing" called another, and down
went the Elixir.
81 won't taste any more" said Mr.. Ken
bricks feeby, when the conhagration 10 his
throat, melted by the Elixir, had subsded a
little Don't say that without giving 'Bolus' 8
Double Extract of Rhus' chance with the
rest" protested an agent, and the Rhus went
down, and arraying itself in direct sntsgonism
all the other elements there, Immediately went
to work to Mexicanize Mr.. Hendricks system
"Take double doe of 'Cofia's Balm of
Hemlock," suggested a kind looking agent,
sand you'll feel all right" He pried open Mr.
Hendricks jaws, and thirty seconds later Mr..
Hendricks nerves displayed unmistakable
symptoms OF jim ANS in tae secondary stage.
Mr. Hendricks would have fled, but another
agent poured down his resisting throat wine
glass full of "Scroggs' Gastric essence of Noun
tain ASH" and he forgot his own name. Then
man dragged him up to his stand aud slapped
patent blister on the back of his neck, ex-
ing the first premiums it had taken, and beg
glng MIR. endricks TO keep it on a couple of
hours 20 see how it worked.
"The only thing for weak back" said the
ageut of Bleedenblister's Porous Plaster, and
before Mr.. Hendricks could protest his coat was
off and the plaster slapped on the small of his
back. "Put this on alongside of IT," cried the
agent of Badgers strengthening Plaste", "and
you'll never feel the first one" aud SO on it
went. The other agents crowded around, and
they held Mr. Kendricks while they paved his
back with plasters and frescoed his legs with
blisters, and swathed his body in slsctrc belts
aud liver pads, and when the police finally
rescued hun and took nm away, just as they
were putting him into the carriage one OF the
agents came chasing after him, ysnked off one
of his boots, and before he could be cIubbed
away be covered the unhappy mans foot with
adhesive corn plasters and ounion pads. The
wreck was earned TO the place which had been
its home, and all night long surgeons and ply
sicians stood at Mr.. Kendrck's badsite sud
pumped him out and scrspe1 him off. 'I'm
better now," no said feeby as be finished his
mournful recital, "but L want TO resign cant
stand this kind of WORK auy longer. If they
want man TO pass on the plasters aud bitters,
they rnust hire a cast irnn man :"