The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-11-21
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

1ACA"SOO 7 AA4NOs MxNNG0OXAs
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
We meet to part again, as the bal
said to the bat.
:, A TEuroN1c figure of speech-s.-
WHEN grasshopper eats it is only .
simple hopper-ration.
TWICE stew are four, said the oyster.
dealer, and he charged four accord.
ingly.
A PROFESSOR of palmistry says thai
long. thin figures indicate . love fol-
song.
If you do not want to be robbed Of
your good name, do not have it printed
on your umbrella. Camden Post.
SHORT SLEEVES are in order, but you
cannot make the girl with a mole on
her arm admit that she thinks the style
isa good one.
You cannot tell man who is con.
tented in the world merely by looking
at him. The neatest fitting boot often
covers raging corn.
MOsr young men are on the lookou,
tor good openings, and vet they don't
like for the old man to show them the
door.-Breaktast- Table.
QUEEN VICTORIA asked the King OF
Siam if he would like to be decorated,
and the old fellow said, '.Yes, if you'll
take me just as SIAM"
The melancholy days are upon Us
g. e..
with tears in his eyes. that he has :. the
worst cold he ever saw
WARS comes SO thick in Europe that
the soldiers don't have chance to sit
down for . few moments rest, and
hence the necessity for keeping stand
ing armies.
some antiquarian has discovered that
the warm weather which has generally
characterized the last October was
matched by the October of exactly a
century ago.
A GREAT writer says "some people
are born Christians" but there's no
occasion for worrying over the matter.
They generally outgrow it.-Bridge-
port Standard.
"SArAN died here" reads a Pitts
burgh sign; but it was not till an as
tute Allegheny Dutchman inquired when
he died there that the people under
stood that they could get satin dyed.
A WOMAN at Burlin gton, w., recent
" tied the hands of her little son be-
hind his back and cha ined him to the
hitching-post before the house for an
hour or more because of some petty
fault.
THE face of lovely woman is per-
haps the sweetest thing on the whole
mundane sphere. Breakfast Table. It
is until you begin to see that her nose
is too long, her chin set on sideways
and her eyes out of line.-Dctroit Free
Press.
THE man who can fathom the pur-
pose which makes rat chew up lot
OF important papers. which can in no
way appease his appetite or add to his
comfort. will perhaps enable . long,
suffering public to provide some
remedy. Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
BANKS should never give the safe.
combination to the janito1. They
should give it to the last customer in
the bank at night and tell him to be
sure and remember it, so they can have
it in the morning. Or they might leave
the key hanging out the door and write
the combination on the vault door in
chalk.-M T. Graphic
A BRAINLEss young noodle stopped a
gruff old merchant on the street, and
said: Il have thought" Have
yOu?" said the merchant, I'm 60 right
OFT and hunt up reporter, and tell him
about the accident" And as the old
man started off the young fellow was
so amazed that he couldn't think of
what he thought. Constitution.
The Supreme Court of Indiana has
decided that smoking by attorneys in
court, under the permission of the
Judge, is not good ground for granting
a new trial; and that when Judge
closes his eyes during the progress Of
a cause the presumption is, not that he
is asleep, but that he is concentrating
his thoughts upon the argument.-N.
I. World.
THERE are over forty thousand words
in the English language, but none of
them can adequately express the feel
ings of the compositor who is sur
rounded by an audience of six, all of
whom deem it incumbent upon them to
pick up the types, throw them back
into the wrong boxes and to remark
that the compO "acts like hen pick
ing corn"
SAYS Pat to his girl. BY the Powers,
A canOndhrum hev fur We. dear!
Why are We like the goddess Of flowers?
Sure We nivir will guess it. fear!
The ansor Ill be afther givin'.
Now thin. dye mind. me swate Nora?
It's two shtOries high We are Twin,
That makes ye a rae second Florag'
-Yarco6.
THE great demand of the times ap-
pears to be girl who can saw wood,
clean house, cook for family of seven.
take care of the baby, wash and iron,
"answer the door," fight flies, work
fifteen hours day, never get cross.
never waste, spoil or lose anything,
never 90 out, never want anything,
have no company and be happy, smil-
ing, well-dressed and contented for
s1.75 a week.-Burlington Haack-E Eye.
AN idea may be formed of the strict
ness with which all popular amuse-
ments were prohibited when the Puri-
tans had the ascendancy, from the fact
that, in 1556-'67, Oliver Cromwell pro-
hibited all persons called fiddlers or
minstrels from playing, fiddling or
making music in any inn, ale-house or
tavern, etc. If they proffered them
selves or offered to make music, they
were to be adjudged to be rogues, vag-
abonds and sturdy vagabOnds, and
were 10 be proceeded against as such.
A Faithful Friend.
l HAVE lately seen an old horse at
Bourn, in Lincolnshire, on the history