davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
WHOLE NO. 400,
Glover as a Hunter.


Glover, Congressman from Mis-
souri, last fall-Just give me a chance
at these Republican robbers; I'll
ke.ch 'em as fast as you can keteh
minnowsl
Democratic Congressman - Very
well; there you go; lots Of traps, fire.
arms, and ammunition. Now let's see
YOU make capital for our party.
Glover (entbusiastically)-Oh, you
bet | do it, gentlemen III keteh
the Black RepubliCan plunderers
Set q Glover to ketch a thief" you
know the maxim remarks Ha. ha
ha,
Three months pass, and finally out
of the dull rumble comes a voice:
GlOver-1've got him . I've got
him
Dem. Congress-Got who ? Got
who2
Glover-Got felIer. Ketched him
stealing
Dem. CoDgress-Hurrahl Hurrah !
Is it Hayes
Glover-No it's one of the clerks
of the House.
Dem. Congress-Republican ?
Glover-No Democrat.
Dem. COngress-(cheerfully but
no, rapturously)-0-
Glover-(two weeks later)-Here
be is {! | got another feller
Dem. Congress-Hurrah Hurrah,
Stealin'?
Characterization wasted lots of
money!
Dem. Congress-Hurrah That's a
good haul. Republican?
Glover-N-no-he's Democrat
Your Doorkeeper
Dem. Congress (approviDgly but
sadly)-A-h! F! Uh-a-see here,
Glover-next time you fetch Re-
publican
Glover-Y-yes, will.
Glover "a month later)-Hai | got
him, Ketched BIN stealin'l Stole
$4,000 from contingent fund | got
him
Dem. Congress HuF = Republi-
can, Glover?
GloVer-Uh-an-l- l- well - this
'un-n-he's a--be's a Democrat q
he's a member Of Congress.
Dem. Congress (going fer him
wrathfully)-One of Us, you undis-
eliminating scoundrelly puke
Glover-Y-yes II couldn't
help it It's one Of you'uns
They shake him up i'll some of
his teeth are heard rsttl Z around in
his boots, and his collar-bOne osens,
when he gets away
Glover (three days Ia er)--i got
him now | ketehed him D., tht very
act Of stealin', and We go; he money
away from him-S5, ,000
Dem. Congress (groauing You
internal spy aud paltroon oh
well, Tell Us the worst Is ii a Dem
publican :
Glover (hoIdiDg the door open,
ready to run, his face flushed wi b
shame, and great beads of perspira-
tion standing on the outside of his
hat)-Oh, good gentlemen spare
me! spare me! (turning to run, and
letting his prisoner go, as be dodges
a shower of inkstands and cuspidors)
Its the Democratic Sergeant-at-
arms.
Fourteen Democratic Members
(pulling down their vests and shout
ing above the tumult)-I move that
the Office of Investigator be declared
vacant
Passed, nem con. - Ner Y9ri
Graphic.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
A Handy witness.

The plaintiff in case before a re-
cent term Of the District court, was
somewhat disturbed on learning that
a certain individual, whose reputa-
tion for veracity was none the best,
was to be a witness for the defend
ant. The fellows capacity for false
swearing was notorious, and unless
his integrity was shsken, plaintiffs
case was a gone goose"
He MED himself to a brother liti-
CANT. and asked him if he would be-
lieve the witness under cath
NO" was the reply
"You know be is liar ,"
Yes"
"A thief"
Yes"
"Disreputable in every partic-
ular 2"
"Yes."
"Well. want you to go on the
stand and swear to your belief"
The friends countenance became
troubled, and be replied:
"My dear fellow, would do you
almost any favor; but, YOU see, |
have got him employed as witness
for myself next week, and | can't af-
ford to impeach his veraeity"
The plaintiff sought testimony
elsewhere, and the false swearer got
his price from both parties"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08

The world would be dull place
were it not for day dreams, in those
visions we have wealth and joy, and
honor and love, such as whenever act
ully experience. No one is so rich as
the young man who has formed some
plan for a.cumulating millions and
has in his pocket perhaps dollar or
two-perhaps not.
No one is so famous as the young
poet of sixteen, who has just written
his first halting verse and mails it to
the magazine. In the distance he sees
himself bowing thanks for the ap-
plause of millions. In the future he
writes the greatest volume of the age;
and women adore him.
Who has ever loved as the unknown
lover of the day dream loves her?
Even constant, ever true. ever brave,
noble and the handsomest of all men.
be never loved before they met, and
never would love again, should he
lose her
Oh, the youths lady love is the
fairest rose in all the garden, yet one
no other has ever sought to win.
The wife of one who never marries
is aperfect creature. The husband
of one who keeps her maiden dreams
unhroken loves and cherishes, and i:
never careless or forgetful. And, oh
the children of those who never held
any in their arms how beautiful they
were, and how well they grew up
| Never a home like the home We
only dream of building. Never {
voyage like the one we never take
Often | think that those who only
dream OF, and never actually possess
what they desire, are the happiest il
this world, and that heaven is th,
only place where our dreams cal
ever be realized.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
A satisfactory Result

Spain claims the discovery of in
eOmbustible paper. A number OF ex-
periments have been made with the
process, and the results are said to
have been very satisfactory. The
paper will not burn, no matter what
may be the Intensity of heat applied
A single sheet submitted to the d.
rect action of flame will carbonize,
but does not take FIRE. If roll Of
prepared paper is placed in the hot
test fire the outside leaves will car
bonize and the edges for a short
depth, but the interior remains unal-
tered, the writing or printing being
perfectly legible. Papers already
written or printed upon may undergo
the process without injury.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
Cat Fishing

A young man 10 Wes, Thirty
fifth street, New York, who lately
introduced cat fishing as manly
and beneiieient sport can scarcely be
said to have devised an absolute
specific for cats, but be has inquest
lonably contributed TO lessen the
number of cats in bis immediate vi
cinity. To the end of strong blue
fish line be affixed a salmon hoos,
baited with delicate morsels of meat
At FIRST, this hook. deiIly dropped
from back window, was permitted
to lie on the back fence. The FIRST
cat that passed over the fence woull
investigate the bait, and, fading il
apparently tree from fraud, would
begin to eat it. A slight pull at the
line would usually fix the hook in
the cats mouth, and the angler
would haul in his prey and knock it
on the head The young man be-
came greatly fascinated with his new
occupation, and having effected an
arrangement with popular French
restaurant, was enabled to dispose of
his game easily and pro6tsbly On
moonlight nights, when the late Fall
cats were in season, be often caught
string of from three to four dozen
during a single night, many of them
weighing ter or fifteen pounds each.
So few cats escaped after having once
leaped at the bait. that no general
suspicion of the deadly nature Of ap-
parently aerial meat was disseminated
among the feline population Of the
neighborhood Before the Winter
was over cats had become so scarce
that the sportsman was seriously
contemplating the necessity of arli-
ticially stocking the back fences Of
Thirty fifth street, when an unfor-
tunate accident brought his benef-
cent occupation to a sudden end. An
old gentleman, residing in a house
on Thirty-sixth street, the back yard
of which adjoined the fence where
the young man practiced his sport,
noticed one evening that something
attached to string was dangling
over bis back fence As be bad a
pretty daughter, he immediately sus-
pected that it was a surreptitious
note, and stole softly out to seize and
confsca.e it, Mounting on a barrel
be elutched the supposed note, and
was instantly hooked Tue tackle
was strong, and he would perhaps
have been landed had not the hook
torn out when be was about forty
feet from the ground After be had
recovered from bis injuries caused
by the fall and the weakness eanse-
quent upon the amputation of all his
legs, be eviuced so much ANNOYANCE
at The sO-called outrage which had
been inflicted upon him, that the
young maa, who was person of the
most d; iicate feelings, promised to
give ~ eat fishing OF course, had
the oil gentleman been thoroughly
GATED, be would not have fallen, and
perhaps the Young man felt that his
failure to gaff him was an inexcusa.
bic error, which really called for his
graceful retirement from cat fishing
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
Keep Home Matters Private.

Preserve the privaeies Of your
home, marriage state, heart, from
father, mother, sister. brother, aunt,
and all the world. You two, with
Gods help, build your own quiet
world; every third or fourth one you
draw into it with yon will form q
party, and stand between you two.
That should never be. Promise this
to each other. Renew the vow at
each temptation; you will find your
account in it. Your souls will grow,
as it were together, and at last they
will become ss one Alb, if many q
young pair bad on their wed5iag
day known this secret, how many
marriages were happier than-alas
they are
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
Gossip.

Saxony makes cheese Of potatoes.
Aleck Stephens favors woman suf-
frage.
Sseques and circulars have had
their day
Accident insurance doesn't thrive
in Georgia
Nine out Of every ten men in Bath,
Me, use tobacco.
Bonner still invests his spare dol
lars 10 speedy horse flesh.
Stewards workingwomen's hotel is
likely TO be bad investment.
you call this q fee country g'
{ Indignant Chinee 10 California;
Aa agricultural writer says "elbow
grease is the guano."
The beautiful Nell Gwynne began
life as al grange girl in first class
theatre.
Barney Williams, as boy, used to
erect the ten-pins in a New York
alley
John Mccullough, the famous ae-
tor, began the ladder as q gas
filter.
The Hibernian society of Atlanta
has divided up four thousand FIVE
hundred dollars, and disbanded
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
THEN AND NOW.

She stood at the threshold AT evening;
She was clad in her bridal dress;
She knew he was ready TO greet her,
And she longed i0r his fond caress.
Twas the robe she would wear on the norro'
And she wanted her love to see
How fair was his chosen flower,
How beautious his darling could be.
And hope with her glittering finger
Babe her look to the life before:
And she smiled in the mirth Of her spirit
As she stood at the study door.
Years passed, three short years Of gladness.
And the stream of her young lie flowed
Like the stream ofa laughing riyulet,
When the sunshine knows no cloud.
Andsga! does she stand at the threshold,
Where she stood on that happy night
But her eyes are no longer laughing,
Her dress is no longer white
And the sorrow that DER her features
Is as dark a. the robe she wears,
And a wreath Of undying flowers
To lay on the dead she Gears
For he never again shall greet her,
He shall rise 10 receive her no more;
The voice which she loved is silent
As she waits az the study door
Then her step was so firm and eager.
II IL now so suhdued and slow
Then twas he who had stepped To Kiss her,
She must kneel 10 Kiss him now.
But cen SO, with consoling finger,
Hope points to the life above,
Where beyond the dark night Of sorrow
Is the dawn OF eternal love.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
Don't Do 1t.

When you are tempted to patch up
the old fence AID make it do anoi her
year, don't do it.
When you are tempted to impoand
your neighbours cattle for breaking
into your field, don't do it.
When you are tempted to invoke
the majesty of the law. to redress
some real or supposed injury, don't
do it.
When you are tempted to get
along with your old tools rather than
to buy improved ones. don't do it.
When you are urged to buy pat
tented inventions of strangers upon
liberal terms don't do it.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
vJGoRENE
pURIFIEs THE BLOOD,

VCGORENE L
l. AGREEABLE 10 the taste, CRATE
EILtotiGe stoluac Ia. nIt. a cts q cfeufiy
ns n CATHARTIC, ALTERNATIVE and
DIURETIC. Its action Is not attended
with any uRplea mt feeling, neither Is
Iangour nor debility experienced. bu.
ON the contrary, EcfTcshsnent and in
sigorattou.
It's immedia e effect upon The Il igestivc
organs, neither impa iTGd D y disease os
exhaust ed from any cause, is TO increase
their powers of a sim Hat ion "a nd nutrf-
ton. the appetite being increased Mt
once. To thoso "a ffectcd with an engor-
gcd condition OF the liver. as Bilious
ess.chaTacterizedb by "a dusk y complex
ion. N coated tonsuc IA pasty. bad taste
In the mouth. a caprieious "a ppetite "a MI
sluggish action of the bowels, with a
sense OF fullnsss in she head a and of IN n
tai duliness, EfGORENE proves most
valuable.
Its effect upon the kidneys Is mo less
happy, n turbid. Irritating urine Is
quickly cleared up by ia.
Infiammatory and Chronic RHEU-
MATISM viii soon disappear by IA per-
sistent use OF SIG0RENE.
For the cure of skin Diseases aud
Eruptions of all kinds, NIGORENE L.
most certain.
EIGORENE H. com posed of the active
properties OF HERE'S, ROOTS, GUNS
and BARKS, that Nature alone fur
nishes, great care being taken by us
that they are gathered at the right
season OF the year. and that they possess
their native virtues.
That EIGORENE has the rower 70
PURIFY THE BLOOD. I>NIGORATE
the LIVER, and STIMULATE the d.
GEsIINE ORGANS. Is iadisputabiy
proven by those lao have given it
trial and have bee prrmn uentiy cured.
We do not ask you 10 try a dozen bot
ties TO experience rei'ef, for we GUAR
iNTEE You will feel better from the
FIRST few doses.
YIGORESE f. astonishing the world
with Its cures. and f. hro ~ ing a II OF Ia a
BONICS. ALTERAT1yES and gNNIG-
oRASTs. into the shade. Pat up In
large bottles, double strength. Requires
small doses, and H. p.rasant 10 RE.
Price, ef.GO per Bottle.
llkLKeR G. BADGER MFG. CO., Prcp's.
= .:sa G.. Es- III. =. !..t:y ..:y, =. !.
THE OBJECT or EATING. !" a new book every
ne should read. f1nt. &c uroa rtc,ipt CT a cue
cent F.1r.p.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08

A man saw ghost while walking
along lonely highway at midnight.
The ghost stood exactly in the mid
die Of the road, aud the wayfarer. de-
Gliding to investigate, poked at it with
his umbrella. The next instant be
was Knocked twenty feet into q mud.
hole. Moral-Never poke an um-
brella at large white mule when its
back ia turned.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08

In Texas. recently. a judge broke
down with emotion in sentencing
desperate to be hanged. and the des-
peradc, surprised at the scene. said.
as be went back to Jail. IL feel sorry
for the iudge.u
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08

Nine women out of ten will lock up
the cream. hide away their valuables,
see that windows are fastened just
before they start down town, and then
step to the front door, lock it, and
deposit the key under the trout door
mat, in full view of any one who may
pass by.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08

An Old Maids Show is talked oil
at Utica. That is right Give the
old maids show. To be sure, many
of them bad good show when they
were younger, and refused to en-
brace the opportunity, and--and and
now they are old maids, and have nc
lazy husbands to keep.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08

The Collins Brothers, the Pbila-
delphia contractors for the Brazilian
railroad (the firm that sent out the
ill-fsted Metropolis), desired to en-
ploy negroes on part Of the work,
but an old law forbade the landing OF
negroes in Brazil, and special per-
NIT has Just been obtained from Dom
pedro
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08

When Lyeurgus was asked by
some one who came TO consult him
about the State, where true reform
should begin he replied, Sir, it should
begin in your own house
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08

Promissory notes in Kansas are
not drawn SO many days latter date, F"
bat "when / sell my hogs.n
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08

A woman need not always recall
her age, bat she should never forget
il.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-08
MISCELLANEOUS,

Persons who desire to sell, buy or exchange prop
erty, for rent will and ii to their advantage 10
register the description thereof, no charge Is
made unless sold or rented. Real estate business
generally will be promptly attended to-
augIs.
, 1878-07-20
"A splerdrd chance.

".
| Mr.. HURLEY, vino has done so much
with Mr. Cotton to open lie Grand
Marsh between here and the Skykomish
river left for the mines last spring; he,
lore leaving he placed in the hands of
llStacy & Mackintesll Of Seattle, power TO
sell his valuable marsh property there. h
osThis tract Nl Marsh has no Superior in
this couutysitda well drained, and all
most ready furstbe plc1, The high land
is we'll situated for Il village tsAnsite for
the post office, store, schools, blacksmith
shop, ,,ebufch etc. that before many years
will be needed to supply the local wants
of settlers in that vicinity. lm 1904
The $40 acres Of marsh land, If sold In
tracts of 40 acres each to families, wouid
make homes tor 8 families The upland
could be divided among them, and by
next year, without great labor it
all could be in cultivation, and from
DATE of settlement it could be made to
yield an abundent support to every fam
lily who would settle thereon. The un
drained marsh land around would then
within a couple Of years be improved so
that fully two thousand acres would be
in cultivation there in one body IN that
time. s.i 'ae5a Ia.g9 ii'Tg
The terms OF sale are so easy, that
those who wish homes would do better
to get this land at the prices offered,
with the work done on it, than to take
up wild land. This marsh alone will
support u larger and more wealthy set
tlement than the celebrated Chimacum
settlement, the pride of Jefferson county,
and which now supports large cheese
factory and does the leading dairy bust
ness of the Sound.
, 1878-07-20
NAnlxilteO.

Notwithstanding the complaint all
over the Sound of the extreme scarcity
of money and the hard times, the energy
displayed by M. V. B. Stacy since he Sc
cured control of the Mukilteo property
is infusing life into that place, starting up
permanent Improvements and bringing
many people there, who will no doubt
ere long improve many of the great nat
ural advantages OF that place AS busi-
ness centre.
Among the business changes that have
taken place there recently may be noted
the lerse to jackson Meyers & Co., the
pioneer salmon canning Company OF the
Sound, ot the fishery anil ground for
their canning establishment for ten years
from Jan. j., 1879. The wharf will hc
improved anil extensive addi'iprs ml.It
to the caBncry lhyi, tlis yC1r.
, 1878-07-20

,s If'Ns is AtB x VA ltiis X 4t ~. 5A tli..a
The Aaroeats for July las como 70 US
full ofgood things for iho% who believe
lin liberal christianity. ~ has a very
mildly wri,ten review % Rev. Father
slqwart's article on the Trinity q
staiespent Of the "Uniycralists Faith,''
EEspfotspsliags of,hc Oregon, universalista'
Convention" and m account 81 the
editors journey east Of The mountains.
Among its editorial notes Ii the follow
| ing:
@Fdr the benefit Of our Eastern friends
we would cay TINT ~ danger IS apprc!
hendell in this part ~ our Territory
from hostile Indians. Wehave d disas4
ferrous indian war on our hands, but
there IL no probability of any fighting
west df the Cascade mountains. walla
Walla is being crowded byssettlers fee.
ing thither with their iaidilics fot safety, /,
but the city viii only i,einjured throgh
the injury done the country. This Is
likely to be very considsrahle. TIorsts
aad cattle are driven of,e ,eftiineis right
ened away from their wheat fields, the
lonely settler murdered; all these things
will set the development Of the great
upper country back for years.
And those who know most Of the
nature of the Indians and. of the causes
of the outbreak feel that all might and
ought to have been prevented. The
whole reservation policy it seems is one
that prepares the Indian for war, makes
him continual enemy, and makes
race war inevitiblc. Individual Indians
should be punished for individual crimes,
and encouraged to hold personal and
real property under our laws. They are
already citizens under the present con,
stitution, and the belief of many if not
OF most of our wisest men who have
dealt with them, is, that the abolition of
all treaties, reservations and annuites,
is the only needlul thing to make friends
out OF all OF them, and so to make such
race and triba! wars impossible"
, 1878-07-20
Educational.

Heretofore it has been almost a sub
ject OF ridicule, when any reference was
made to the subject of education in
Seattle; but the wise and proper legis-
lation of the last session ol the Lcgisla-
ture, granting Territorial scholarships,
together with the class of scholars gath
cred together at the University, and the
excellent corps of teachers now in charge
of that institution, has well nigh erased
the stigma formerly attached to the
state OF education in the metropolis of
the Sound. While the cause of theoret-
ical education, or that which is mainly
devoted to training the mind, in place Of
that practical training which fits persons
for some special pursuit, has advanced
so far and taken so much higher ground
within the past year. Yet almost un-
noticed and wholly unaided, except by
individual enterprise. another equally
important educational institution has
sprung into existence, with full corps
of trained professors, and nearly thirty
pupils, that promises to supply want
long felt ON the Sound. The Puget
Sound Business College is the institu-
ten referred to. Although only short
time in existence, its course Of studies,
methods OF instruction and organization
, 1878-07-20

Ia the NEST complete Of amy ipstltuiion
oC the kind ou the north west coast,
offering advantages fally equal 10 the
Bryant & ssalton co.legrs ld the East
ern cities. There Hre loag professors
nos copnrcied with TBS inssi,u,lon. and
should the present Indications u mos,
liberal patronage bs continued, their
number viii b. increased, Alr. Guns,
,As priasipAL has had several years .ex-
prriencc In she EASE in conduesipg
simiIar Institutions, wiiir Mr.. Gllah,e.
the prafrssor Of panmspship. neic, is
related to the family Of Psson and Qua
ION, the csla'ra.esl penmsp. and inhssits
sbe iamEIy skill "a a seaehsr oi that In
poruns an. This prac.ical sEa;em oi
education, which prepares persons fnr
actual. lsasinsss, has i,esn teo well tried to
need the endorsement Of iAe SrAI; ],
only needsio W exenaincd to demon
strate is own mcriss Read sheir ad
yeriisvment Ia smother column. ~
, 1878-07-20

The Makilteo brewery has been sold
to Cantcnia. Boben, and KlansmaD. ulso
are manufacturing good qRSliiy of b,rF,
Wenarl 6 GrAndrl from The ColumsiA
river have purchased gvHnd upoa which
they will erect cooper saap et
I. g. WiIson the casurprising Seattle
prs,uca dcals-, las purchased lot sherc.
p. Trans, the csrpcnter, iomcply oi
ihis place, has purchased onc of The niue
acre strips Of land, and viii build a
dwelling house thereon soon.
Pss,irs are negotiating i"r the Living-
ston MillsiIc and IA acres Of hand con-
nscied wish Il, which also beiangs 20 the
owners Of the Makiisco tosn-site. They
will probably purchase and proceed a,
oace TO put up a saw min there.
K Five Of The twenty strips of land are
already sold. Il number OF Others arc ne
go,iaiing for additional land on which
10 build, anil establish business there.
Thc steamers in passing stop there from,
ten to twenty nni,Inirs each week, It's 10.
cation is 50 excellent Ia this resprct, that
amy business ouce well established there
will be apt 10 maintain itself; therefore
there is good reason 10 believe that By
tue end Of the Year there will be d per
maucnt addition of perhapsa dozen OF
more families 70 The population 81 this
section of the county, who wall establish
good schools and all the csnveniences ol
social life.