Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-09-13
F. U n :.

SHOOT HIGH. =" Ish ter Scheneral
around?'' asked an excited clothing mer-
chant as the United States troops passed
through Siatka last week in pursuit ofthe
fleeing BannOcks.
.aWell, my man, said Howard, refining
in his horse. "What is it :? speak quick"
II am a room man, Scheneral. Dem
cursed redskins, dey murder my boy Sha-
cob about fife miles from here I'm shteal
dozen pair of pants he vas peddlin'. New
pants, so hellup me kracious right out OF
my store.''
'sSorry for your loss, my man, but havn't
time to talk about it now. If we catch up
with these demons we'll stop their devil
tries for good and ALL
s.Ye s, I know, Scheneral, 1 know"
eagerly whispered the bereaved ready
made merchant. hanging desperately to
the officers stirrup. ''Dot's all right, but
ven you come up NIT does Indians vot got
does new pants on, for gracious sake,
ScheneraI. tole de soldiers to shoot high -
s'Do you make any reduction to minis
ter % said a young woman at Boston, last
week, to a salesman with whom she was
talking about buying a sewing machine.
always. Are you a minister's wife p
.sOh, no; I'm not married, . said the lady,
blushing. Daughter, then ?'' mo" The
salesman looked puzzled. ''I'm engaged
to theological STUDENT" said she. The
reduction was made.
A monkeyish letter-ape X.-Keokuk
Constitution A sharper letter keen o.
Gin. Sat. Night. A noisy letter-blue J.
a working letter-busy B. A disfgured
Ietter-black 1. A game letter billiard
@. A foreign letter-Japan T. "A profound
letter-deep G.
Over the door of the parlor in the house
of one Of Danville's incest widows is this
suggestive motto .'Seek me early. y Er.
That's good for the widow but married
lady in this town has over the door, Il need
thee every hour. I'M. Morris Enterprise
A gentleman of our acquaintance who
recently bought lot of Leghorn fowls
being assured that they were good layers,
says that he was never before SO thorough.
" convinced of the truth of the adage,
"Great hoax from little Leghorn's grow.'
The sight of $40 cent quart" sign
which has blow from the peanut stand or
TO a pile of patent cortets two doors below
is well calculated to make the Wayfarer
think things have somehow got little
mixed.
Every now and then some hap writes to
a news paper for recipe to prevent hair
from coming out. If men would go home
from the lodge before midnight, with their
legs sober, their hair wouldn't come out SC
When a certain minister referred in the
midst of an eloquent discourse to the nave
in the church, three gentlemen offered
their pews for sale, on the ground that he
was becoming too personal.
Now the bloated bondholder goes to the
seashore to bear what the wild waves are
saving, and the impecunious man remains
aat home and is compelled to listen to some
remarks from the tax-collector.
An Irish soldier called out to his com.
panion: .sHollo, Pat I have taken a
prisoner Bring him along, then; bring
him alongp "He won't come" Then
come yourself ''He won't let me-"
81 am Staying my thousands, as the hero
of GAIA did, said fellow who was dey-
curing piece of old cheese. eyes, said
companion, land with the same wea.
pom"
"AhE' sighed hungry tramp, II wish
nearly always got bit in his mouth, while
haven't had bit in mine for two days.
ssMa," said a little girl, what is all
this fuss about trademarks ? Is it the
trademarks that make so many wrinkles
in pas forehead 20
s'There that explains where my clothes
line went to- exclaimed an Iowa woman
as she found her husband hanging in the
stable.
"Rave you ever read ''The Tale of a
Bundle Bee ?" asked George of Sarah
Jane" Mop said she, but I've felt
EN-"
A lady the other day joking about hel
nose, said, II had nothing to do in the
shaping of it. 1t was birthday present. y
Two twin brothers are said to beso much
alike that they frequently borrow money Of
each other without knowing it.
nSam, why are de hogs de most intelli'
raot folks in de world?" sBecause they
nose everything"
Competition is so strong among the cot
+on factories down East that ten mills
Cont make a cent. -
The man who is waiting for something
r. turn up, generally finds 1t when he steps
IN barrel hoop.