Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1878-11-15
UT anG Rrmor.

Popular steak holder; The gridiron.
AS a rule, men of letters do not use
postal cards.
Sailors tar their. ropes, and soldiers
pitch their tents.
1.-TWO heads arc better than one" said
the thief, as he crawled out of the cab
bage patch.
4 legal firm in Chicago who do large
divorce business are known as q pair
of dividers"
The Philadelphia mint is still turning
out the big i yer dollars, and the bar
keeper, with his mint and sugar, is still
raking them in.
Judge Hilton found it trouble enough
to keep the Hebrews out of the Grand
Union; but he finds S1e-brews more
trouble at the WOman's Hotel.
a man was Dragging about how much
he could stand, but when a red-nosed
man standing by asked if he could stand
treat, he weakened and was silent.
An agricultural society offered a pre-
MUM for the best mode of irrigation,
which was printed Irritation" by mis-
take. a farmer sent his wife to claim
the prize.
A German writer says young girl is
fishing net. The eyes are the hook,
the smile the bait, the lover the gudg-
con. and marriage the butter in which
he is fried.
A schoolmaster thus describes money
lender: "He serves you IN the present
tense, he lends in the conditional mood,
keeps you in the subjective, and ruins
you in the future"
A henpecked husband said in extenu-
alton of his wife's raids upon his scalp,
"You see, she takes her own hair off so
easily she doesn't know how it hurts
to have mine pulled out"
A correspondent wants to know how
human skin can be tanned. He must
have been a remarkably good boy when
he went to school, not to have learned
that among other branches.
The latest astronomical calculations
brings the sun 100000 miles nearer the
ea1th than the earlier ones. At this
rate the time will come when a sun
struck man win be able to strike back.
An appreciative mind can throw a
world of pathos into a very ordinary
statement. "Yes," said she, leaning over
the fence, in communion with a neigh
Dor. "she is dead. She died just as she
got torn up to clean house. 1t is terri
6le."
"What was the principal element of
my success P' asked reformed milk
man of wealth at workingmen's con-
vention, the other day; and, behold, his
modesty overcame his assurance when a
ragged boy from the gallery answered
back, "Water, you old cheatP
We have never been able to under
stand how it is that woman who is
apparently deaf when her husband asks
her where that half dollar is which he
left in his pantaloons pocket before
going to bed, can hear the wall of her
two weeks old baby down two flights of
stairs and through three deal doors.
At a popular store famous for the
prompt and polite attention of the
clerks, a woman of perhaps thirty years
was looking at goods, when young man
stepped towards her, and asked, SIS any
one waiting upon youP She stared at
the clerk, and exclaimed, "Why, what
a question! I've been married these
ten years"
A clerk in a Philadelphia bookstore
| thinking to annoy Quaker customer
who looked as though he was fresh from
the country, haB1ed him a volume say
| ing. "Here is an excellent essay on the
rearing of calves" ''Thee had better
present that to thy mother, young man" /"
was the spontaneous reply OF the
Quaker,
"A correspondent asks, "What is the
best method of feeding cattle in the
winterT' We DON'T exactly know, One
man might prefer to take the OK in his
lap and feed him with spoon. Others
would bring him into the dining-room
and let him sit at the table with the old
folks. Tastes differ in matters Of this
1 Lind