Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1878-06-04

How upon pleasant evening,
In the purple twilight glow,
They first felt the charm of kissing,
And loves thrilling bliss did know.
FUNNY GRAPHS.
Some people have their thinking, like
their washing, done out.
Before states were used people multi
piled on the face Of the earth.
The Vernon, ILL.,, Chronicle announces
that it will Exchange few tender-nnes
for spare-rips or sausages."
Men should NOT think too much Of
themselves, and yet man should be
careful not to forget himself.
A California paper says: "Born--A
son, q regular fifteen FOUNDER, to the
wife of Elder Mannheim, the eloquent
expounder."
If there is anything in this world of a
more uncertain tenure than a minister's
salary 1t is a woman's thimble.-C
Break. Table.
The ladies are opposed to the tele-
phone. They don't care to have a young
fellow whispering in their ears with his
meutn twenty miles away.
A Rhode Island jury were five days
debating on hog case involving seven
dollars, and then recommended both
men to the mercy of the court.
A book agent the other day talked
half an hour to induce lady to buy a
book. Then she handed him a slip of
paper on which was written: "I'm defe
and dunn"
kentucky beats them all She now
furnishes a case where a man eloped
with whole family except the old man,
who had lame back and couldn't get
to the depot in time.
A Troy policeman swore as follows
against a prisoner: 1.-THE prisoner set
upon me, calling me an ass, precious
dolt, q scarecrow. ragamuffin and idi-
ot-all of which I certify to be true"
A glass slipper has been invented by
a firm in Vienna. It is woven of the
finest possible glass threads of rainbow
hues, and will perhaps bring us back to
the times of the good fairies and Cinde-
rella.
The journalists will have their fun, as
witness the following from Cincinnati
paper: "a favorite amusement at La
ramie is slashing off strangers ears. One
blow is enough for all except Louisville
ears"
"Well, I swear, Billy" said au old
farmer to an understood nephew who
was visiting him, "when you take of
that 'ere plug hat and spit two or three
times, there amt much left of you, is
tharw
An Irishman has defined nothing to
be "a footless stocking without legs. ~
A description by another Emeralder is
better. "What is nothing?" he was
asked. "Shnt your eyes, and you'll see
it," said Pat.
Jennie June says fashionable bon
net can be had for dollar and half
And so it can. It is the from six te
twenty dollars worth of trimming tina.
strikes the pocket book in a sore spot
No7vistoaUn Herald.
Prisoner Ito learned nagistrate).-
HAS any one a right to commit a nui-
sance?" Learned NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. sir
not even the mayor-no, sir, not even
the governor" Prisoner-"Then you
can't commit me; for was arrested as
a nuisance, and you've decided that !
am one"
Here is the way the smarties do in tia
London clubs A man says of criisL
hats that he can beat them simply 10y
pushing his own hat through his fingci
ring. Bets are made. Taking his ring
from his middle finger he holds il il his
left hand, puts his little finger through
it and pushes his hat !-P. r.
The inventor Of the phonograph says
the speeches of our congressman can be
preserved in tin-foil and ground out for
the delectati0n of future ages. It is GO
ing to be very unhealthy for the man
who does the "grinding out" one hun
dred years hence, unless he performs the
task in some far-away, lonely wood
The speeches now being made in Con-
gress cannot die an hour too soon, and il
future ages could know that it was
proposed to preserve such harangues
for their enjoyment, Edison, the in
ventor Of the photograph, would head
funeral procession in less than foul
days.-NorristoaUn Herald.
THE LIME-KILN CLUB
They climbed the stairs with stately step,
They marched along the hall;
They took their seats with firm resolve.
Their backs against the wall.
The good old Walpole was there,
Near by was Samuel Shin;
The Reverend Penstock anxious was
To see the fun begin.
Josiah Sheepskin bowed his head
And Gerritt Smith did say:
take off dem hats and hush dem feet.
Dis am no time for play"
Then Brother Gardner rose up, swept
the hall with the glance of an eagle and
said
"Gem'len, ez was walkin' round dis
nawnin' I preached spot where a boss
he'd fallen on de street. Oar war right
smart o. men aroun' Oar, an ebbery man
O. dem was pushin' an clawin' to be
nearest to de dyin' animul. One man
yelled sunthin' else, an de poor hess
didn't know whedder it was best to live
or die. Did I rush inter dat crowd p
Did I jump up an down an raise my
clahyun voice above de odders? I push
all dem fellers away an shrek out dat
I'd raise dat boss or die ?"
In course you did" replied Chow
der Davis as the President halted for
breat. Brother Gardner bestowed upon
him look of xxx contempt, and
slowly continued:
mo, gem'len, 1 didn't! stood back on
de outsquirts o. dat crowd. sayin' muffin
to nobody, an KNOWN dat I'd be called
on if wanted. OATS my principal, an
OATS de principal dat wants to wacci-
nate into cherry black in de coun try
Some folks hab got de impresshun dat
de man wot does the most whoopin' an
yellin' an attracks de most attemshun
am de chap wot makes de bigges' pile O.
cash, but doan'tyou belieb it. De emp
ty wood wagon makes five time de noise
dat de costly kerridge does. De burdock
takes up ten times de room dat de tulip
does, but de tulip hez the bulge on de
burdock when it comes down to beauty
and market value. De modest man hez
all de bizness chances dat de forward
man hez; he keeps on gainin' de respect
OF de woruld, an bimeby he crawls to
de top Of de hen coop, while de blow
hard rolls inter de ditch. Modesty am
Its own reward. It am capital in de
bank it am first mortgage on improved
real estate; it am a purity fa'ar sort of
religun.. Stan back! Doan' try to git
dQr hafn1 oil do l.