Litchfield enquirer., 1878-03-21
CLIPPINGS.


 The first thing in boot is the last.
 If is more blessedto give than to receive, but it's not so popular.
 A western editor returned a tailors bill in- dorsed, Respectfully declined handwriting illegible."
 Dan Voorhees, thinks ice-water too dear at a penny glass. He won't think so always-but we anticipate.
 Fire escape-the husband who lies in bed in the morning until his wife gets up and builds the fire.
 An aged negro died in Baltimore, recently, who was Commodore Decatur cook In oth- CT words, he was de caterer of Decatur.
 The death of the Pope was sad, very sac, but it brings one consoling reflection. He left no children to contest his will
 The sun has some very odd habits for when it goes earliest to bed it gets up. latest, and when it goes latest to bed it gets up earliest
 A little boy went to his father crying the other day and told him that he had kicked a bee that had splinter in it's tail.
 Whats the difference between girl and a nightcap? One is born to wed and the other is worn to bed.
 A negro in .Newtown county, Georgia, is credited with the possession of a foot twenty three inches long.
 It turns out that man in Michigan who "Ived forty days on water, "had plenty of pro- visions in his boat all the while he was sailing around the lake.
 ''Thats our family tree" said an Arkansas youth, as he pointed to vigorous hemlock. "A geod many of our folks have been hung on that tree for borrerin' horses"
 A New York journalist has composed an Editors Waltz" An editors waltz is usually danced to the tune of ''More Copy" and the music is generally furnished by the devil.
 The Grassoopper Commission is preparing 8 book of 800 pages Now it seems to us that if that book had been printed in the first place, the grasshoppers would never have come.
 A book agent, the other day, talked half an hour to induce a lady to buy book. She handed him slip of paper on which was written:
 'Ime defe and dum."
 ''Ma !" screamed young Matilda Spilikins the other morning, when she got the paper ''Ma, Silver Bill has just passed the House. " s'Has he, my dear ?" replied Mrs. s. from up, stairs. ''Why didn't you ask him in?"
 Good clothes make more difference with the worlds opinion than good many people are tor Conkling would look climbing the heights of fame with patch on his pantaloons ?" Critic (to artist). "Don't you think that modern table is out of place in an ancient pie ture ?" Painter of the picture ''They had modern tables in them days as well as now. ' MT. Packard, of Louisiana, is said to have interrupted a recent discussion as to whether his position as Governor was de factO or dejlre with the remark that practically he was only Governor defun,cto.
 A shrewd patent medicine man has been chasing Alexander H. Stephens around for l three months, trying to draw bead on him with pocket camera He wants him for a preface to his advertisement to illustrate ''be- | fore taking"
 The innate cussedness of some college stu | dents cropped out at Trinity, Thursday. The | students filled the chapel bell with plaster of Paris, and labelled it, 'Nytroglycerine! If you touch this bell, you will be blown to- l The last word rhymed with ''bell." A Minnesota paper made young poetess say:-"Oh! for a heart full of yearlings p The poetess wrote to the editor declaring that she wrote 'tyearnings," and the printer who set it up ''yearlings" was calf. As General Tchewthemoslemshedoff was leaving for the seat of war, his weeping sweet l heart sobbed: ''Though I no more behold thee, yet thy name will ever be spell"
 "Allow me to be your beau," said a gentle man, placing his umbrella over lady in a shower "Thank you, I've plenty of fair weather beaux so l suppose I must call you my rain beau," she replied archly. | Russia has one hundred and thirty-nine hol- idays in every year, and the Russian who | doesn't get drunk on these is supposed to be il sympathy with the Turks. A candid Kentucky editor advances the sug | gestion that special tax of $1 on each pisto | owned in the State would beat the bell-puncl | plan for taxation all hollow. He wants to ta1 lem by the barrel, instead of by the drink. The most enterprising piano manufacturer in the country have already prepared their cir | culars announcing that they were awarded thu first grand prize'' at the Paris Exposition fo the best and sweetest toned instrument. It is said that minister's son of Waterloo l N. Y., cast gloom over an entire church fai by walking up to the grab-bag and prize cak table, and demanded that the game be explain ed to him before he bought his chips. | You can teach boy that if he plays tn three-and-four domino on three, leaving si: exposec at the other end, it counts ten, il about five minutes but it will take him al day at school to learn that four units and si1 units make ten units.
 He told the editor that he had read proc for twenty years, and he obtained a sit uation. When he spelled introduction" witt big 'T' and with 'k." and "Jehovah with little ''g,," the editor dipped him in tn ink barrel, wrung him out between the roller of the press, and hung him out tn the ale. to dry.
 Maine husbands come trick on talkativ wives. A man tells his wife that he is goin! to- ansogowmongotongo fishing He then requests all his friends to call at hi house and inquire his whereabouts. When returns the poor woman is exhausted an doesn't speak again for a month.
 If there is anything that will make the ol man think that a sharper's tooth bites wors than serpent's child, it is to have his daugl ter beat him out of a dollar to frame and gla7 "Welcome Home, " and then lay it on pal Tor chair, where he sits down on it in tn dark.
 'sCats can't live at greater elevation thal 13,000 feet above the level of the sea ;" but wood-shed was built 14, 900 feet above tn level of the sea, and a few families lived tha high in the vicinity, it is pretty certain ths cats would get on top of the shed to howl, ( perish in the attempts -.ss.-'--t --~
 The killephone is the reverse of the tel, phone by using it you can avoid hearing chatterbox not foot distant, and cats ma howl all, night on your rigepole without know ing it. Even your neighbor's cornet become innoxious, and the hand organ loses it's stin, | In olden times, when people heard Some swIndler hugh had came to grief. They used good old Saxon Nord And called that man s'a thief" I But language such that to-day
 Upon too many's feelings grates:
 So people smile, and simply say