Litchfield enquirer., 1878-12-19
CLIPPINGS.

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 It is never too late to mend Even the devil has his darning- needle.
 When gamblers fail to agree, they pour HOyle on the troubled waters.
 Purses are worn much lighter this year than for some seasons past.
 Cold weather is the troubadour that brings touch of the light catarrh.
 man calls puppy after him by whistling, but girl has only to wink at enc.
 The Washington Monument has one part of it finished. That is the fund-that was used up long ago.
 Accident insurance companies have put kings and emperors down in the fourth class of risks, along with engineers, brakemen, fire men and book agents.
 'Is your master up ?" asked an early visitor of nobleman's valet. "Yes sir" answered the valet with great innocene ''the butler and and carried him mp about 5 o'clock"
 The photographist said 'If you would only be pleasant; no S-snile little" The visitor smiles. My dear sir, that will never do; it's too wide for the instrument"
 "Jinks says he knew a money lender who kept the trunk containing the securities near the head of his bed, and lay awake to hear them accumulate interest.
 A schOol-boy upon being asked by his teach CT how he should fog him replied; If you please, sir, should like to have it on the style of penmanship- heavy strokes upward and downward ones light"
 'There are too many women in the world, -60, 900 more women than nien in Massachu- setts," gr0wled the husband. That is the survival of the fittest' my dear" the wife re- piled.
 A musician, George Sharp, had his name on the door thus: 'G. Sharp" wag of painter, who knew something of music, early one morning made the following undeniable and significant addition: 'Is A flat"
 Overheard on ferryboat-' Everything has gone wrong with A. T. Stewards affairs since his death. If the cid man had been alive the St. Marks ehurchyard outrage never would have occurred"
 A Kalamazoo (Iich paper announces the death of William Green under the heading,
  mazoo And Lays Its Icy Hand on One of Her best Men p The 'icy hand" of the ''pale horse" is good
 Dr. Adam Clarke, who had a strong aversion to pork, was called upon to say grace at din- ner, where the. principal dish was roast pig. He is reported to have said, 70 Lord, if thou canst bless under the gospel what thou didst curse under the law, bless this pig"
 There's piles of truth in the old saying that one half the world don't know how the other half lives, and that's why so many can't un- derstand how the man who has scored six failures out of possible four years can wear a gilt collar on his everyday dog and have bay window on the back of his house.
 A man will pasture his fowls on his neigh bors all summer and preserve the most com placent conscience in the State; but let sneak thief come along some moonless night and bag couple of decrepit old hens, and he will raise howl that can be heard over in Rhode Island.
 Miss Mary Hall, sister of the late Ezra Hall of Har ford, fomerly teacherat Auburn- dale and Wilbraham, Mass, and a graduate from the academy in the latter place, is study ing law with John Hooker at Marlboro, and promises to become quite successful in her profession.
 The editor of The London Illustrated News has just paid $6, 300 for painting by Millais We used to squander our money that way, toe, but soon saw the folly of it There is no excuse for an editor paying $6, 500 for a painting in these days of high art, when the religious weeklies send out chromos that ''you can't tell from oil paintings"
 Elegy in an Irish country church-yard over heard last week: Borrowing ''widow. man. has just erected this invariable craped urn in memory of the late pt0cens atc0r to him criti- cal old lady, having duly inspected the same Anlllgant moneyment, SO it is, scr: as nate q patterned watering as iver see, and clane white towel reposin peaceful-like on the top av 1t. Well, well, it's herself was the orderly woman, the heavens be her bedl"
 It is told of the late Lord Chelmsford that so stately was his presence and so dignified his appearance that many years ago. when he was younger man and more erect of carriage he was accosted In tue street by a hurried indi- Vidual,. who mistaking him fes some acocaint-- ance, clasped him by the hand exeaAiInins. 'How are you, Mir. Smith2" Sir Frederick Thesiger, as he then was, drew himself up, and gazing coldly on his questioner, replied, ''Sir, do 1 look like a person of the name of Smith 2 and passed gravely on.
 "Are you the saleswoman of whom bought this handkerchief yesterday ?" asked a purchas- CT at one of our dry goods stores. II am the sales-lady who served you, madam" responded the reduced empress in banged hair, long watch chain and ringed fingers, who presided It the counter. Well" said the customer. l will take dozen more, and as I wish to get them to my washer lady at once will get you to send them to my carriage around the corner, Ny coach gentleman cannot get to the door just now for the cart of the ash-gentle- man."
 This is the way we are maligned by the vi- yacious Parisian who draws upon his imagine tion for his facts: sOne of those great and comfortable steamships which the Yankees construct descends the Mississippi with a yer tiginous rapidity. When 10 cry makes it. self to be heard. "A man in the waters ? Stop r cries himself the captain. Then, turn ing himself toward the purser, he demands: Has he paid his fare? He has paid replies the purser. All rights ! howIed (hurlaj the captain, and tlie steamboat retakes it's course, leauing the passenger behind. If the unhappy taan had not paid in advance he might have besH ssvsd.v