The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-07-04
Josh Billings Advice to tho Girls.

band?
That is a pumper. and you are not re-
quested to say Eyes" out loud, but are
expekted tew throw yure eyes down on
to the earth as tho You was looking for
pin, and reply tew the interrogatory
with kind of draulin sigh.
Not tew press tew tender a theme I'M
til it bekums thorn in the flesh, we
that you are on the lookout for some
thing in the line. Let me give yu sum
small chunks ov advice how to spot
your future husband:
l. The man who is jellous ov every
little attenshum which you get from
SEINE other fellow, yu will find after
you are married to him he luves him
self more than he duz yu, and what yu
mistook for solissitude. yu will discover
has changed to Indifference.
Jellosy isn't heart diseze, it is liv-
er complaint
2. A mustash is not indispensable; it
is only little more hair, and is much
like moss and other excressences-often
doz the best on sile that won't raise
anything else. Don't forget that those
things which you admire in fellow be-
fore marriage, you will probably dis
like in q husband after, and mustash
will get to be long time.
3. If husbands could be took on trial
as Irish cooks are; two-thirds ov them
would probable be returned; but there
don't seem to be emmy law for this.
Therefore, girls, yu will see that after
VI git man yu have got few keep him,
even if you loz him. Consequently, if
yu have got emmy kold vittles in the
hous, try him on them once in a while
during securing season, and if he swal-
lers them well and seq he will take some
more, he liza man who, when blue Mon
day Gums. will wash we'll.
4. Don't marry phellar who is al
wuz tellin how his mother doz things.
1t IL two hard to wean a yung one.
5. If n young man can beat you play
in on palmer, and kant hear fish
horn playing on the street without turn
ing summerset on account OF
the musick that is in him. 1 say to
leave him; he might answer to tend
babe and if WI set him hoeing out the
garden, you will find that you have got
to do it yourself A man whoze whole
heft lies in musick land not too hefty at
that amt no better than 4 seedlita
powder; but ifhe luvs to listen while yu
sing sum gentle ballad, WI will find him
mellow and not soft. But don't marry
ennybody for just one virtew emmy
quicker than you won't flop man for
jist one fault.
6. 1t is one of the most tuffest things
for female to be an old maid success
fully. A great many has tried it, and
made bad job OF it, and had n hard
time. Everybody seems TO look upon
old maids jist as they do upon dried
herbs in the garret-handy for sickness
and therefore girls, it ain . mistake
that yu shud be willing to swop your
self oph with some true hearted phel-
low. for husband. The swop liza good
one; but don't swop for any man who is
respectable jist because his father IL.
You had better be an old maid for four
! thousand years and then join the Shak
ers, than tew buy repentance at this
price. No woman ever made this trade
who didn't get either a phool. n mean
cuss. or a clown for n husband.
7. In digging down into this, subject
find the digging goes harder the futher
/ git. 1t is much easier tew inform w
who not to take, for the reason there liz
more of them.
don't think you will foller my adj
vice, if give it; and, therefore, l will
keep it. for look upon advice rs l do
upon castor ile-a mean dose to give
and mean dose to take. But | must
say one thing, or Spite. If you can
find bright eyed, well ballusted boy,
who looks upon poverty az sassy as n
child looks upon wealth-who had
rather sit down upon the curbstone in
front of the 9th avenue hotel. and eat n
ham sandwich than to go inside and
run in debt for his dinner and tooth
pick-and who Is man with that sort
of pluck who mistakes a defeat for a
victory, mi advice is to take him body
and soul-snare him Mt onst, for he is
stray trout, breed very skarse in
our waters.
Take him, l say and bid on to him
as hornets bid on atree.
MIGRATION OF INSECTS. Prof. Riley
regards the migration of insects rs due
to their multiplying moro than their
means of support. The migrations of
rats are attributed to the same cause,
and similar observations have been
made as to other animals. Many in
sects that are not normally of migra-
tory tendency exhibit it when pressed
by dearth Of food. In these cases they
collect together and migrate in large
bodies. Referring to instances of tho
kind, Prof. Riley, at a recent meeting
Of the st. Louis Academy of Sciences
statea that the vast FIGHTS of bntter-