American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1878-05-04

Courts" could speak, how many pleas
ant story and witty repartee and spark
ling bonmot they could tell! Let me
recall and string together some of these
pearls of anecdote and wit, some of
which, though perhaps not altogether
new to lovers of anecdote, may well
bear repetition.
The first Viscount Guillamore, when
Chief Baron O'Grady, was remarkable
for his dry humor and biting wit. The
latter was so fine that its sarcasm was
often unperceived by the object against
whom the shaft was directed.
A legal friend, extremely studious, but
in conversation VIGOROUSLY dull, was
once showing off to him his newly built
house. The bookworm prided himself
especially on sanctum he had contrived
for his own use, so secluded from the
rest of the building that he could pore
over his books in private quite secure
from disturbance.
"Capital!' exclaimed the Chief
Baron. "You surely could, my dear
fellow, read and study here from morn
ing till night, and no human being be
one bit the tciser."
In those days, before competitive ex-
aminations were known, men with more
interest than brains got good appoint
ments, for the duties of which they were
wholly incompetent. OF such was the
| Honorable --. He was telling
Lord Guillamore of the summary way
in which he disposed of matters in his
Court.
81 say to the fellows that are bother
ing with foolish arguments that there's
no use in wasting my time and their
breath; for that all their talk only just
| goes in at one ear and out at the other"
"No great wonder in that" said
O'Grady " seeing that there's so little
between to stop it,
The father of the Lord Chancellor
afterward Lord Plunket-was very
supplemented man. Kindly and I'M
suspicious, he was often imposed upon,
and the Chancellor used to tell endless
stories illustrative of his parents guile
less nature.
One morning Mr. Plunket, taking an
early walk, was overtaken by two re-
spectablelookingm men, carpenters, ap-
parently, by trade, each carrying the i'm
plements of his work.
"Good morning, my friends said the
old gentleman; "you are very early
afoot. Going on a job, ehP''
"Good morrow, kindly, sir. Yes, we
are, and quare job, too-the quarest
and the most out-of-the-way you ever
heard of, I'll be bound, though you've
lived long in the world, and heard and
read of many a thing. Oh, you'll new
er guess it, your honor, SO may as well
tell at once. We're going to cut the
legs off dead man.
"Whatp" cried his hearer, aghast.
'sYou don't mean
"Yes, indeed; 'tis true for me; and
here's how it come about. Poor Mary
Neil's husbands carpenter like our
selves, and an old comrade-has been
sick all the winter, and departed life
last Tuesday. What with the grief and
the being left on the wide world with
her five orphans, and no one to earn bit
VI sup tucll, OuC Vi ID Adh
out of her mind--s:upid for the crying
and the fret; for what does she do,poor
woman, but send the wrong measure
for the coffin, and when it comes home
it was ever so much too short! Barney
Neil was a tall man-nigh six feet we
reckoned him. He couldn't be got into
it, do what they would, and the poor
craythur hadn't what would buy anoth-
err. Where would she get it, after the
long sickness himself had; and with
five childher to feed and clothe? So,
your Honor, all that's in it is to cut the
legs off him. Me and my comrade here
is going to do it for the desolate wom-
an. Wen just take 'em off at the knee
joints, and lay them alongside him in
the coffin. l think, sir, now I've told
you our job, you'll say its the quarest
ever you heard off,
"Oh!" cried the old gentleman,
"such thing must not be done. It's
impossible. How much will q new
coffin cost?''
The carpenter named the sum, which
was Immediately bestowed on him, with
iniunctions to invest forthwith in the
necessary purchase.
The business, however, took quite an
unexpected turn. Mr.. Plunket, on his
return home, related his matutinal adj
venture to his family at breakfast, the
future Chancellor, then a young harris
ter, being at the table. Before the meal
was ended the carpenters made their APP
pearance, and with many apollo
gies rendered back the coin they had re-
ceived. lie who had been spokesman
in the morning explained that on seeing
the man in advance of them on the
road, he had, for lark, made q bet |
with his companion that he would OBJ
tain the money, which, having won his
wager, he now refunded. Genuine Irish
this.
A QUIET and pleasant home is insured to all /
mothers that use DR.. Bulls Baby Syrup for |
their little oucs. II contains nothing injurious, |