The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-02-08

all the news of their tribe. He swung
his body backward and forward as he
chanted his strange song, but never once
glanced up-not even when his foe
spurned him with his foot. He only sang
on, and awaited his fate. Then the half
breed bent his head and spat down on the
crouching Sioux, and turned leisuiely
away--a crueller revenge than if he had
shot him dead.
1t is not given TO every one to play the
philosopher, and accept fortunes bullets
and favors with equal placidity. Horatios
are scarce. But there are plenty of peo
pie capable of behaving like Spartans
where the trouble does not touch their
individuality. How can / get out of
this" inquired an Englishman up to his
armpits in a Scotch bog, of passer-by.
a. dinnO think ye can git DOT of it, was
the response of the Highlander as he
went on his way.
Mistress of herself was the spouse of
the old gentleman who coHtrived to
tumble off the ferryboat into the Missis-
sippi, and was encouraged to struggle
for dear life by his better-half shouting:
"There, Samuel, didn't / tell you SC?
Now, then, work your legs, flap your
arms, hold your breath and repeat the
Lord Prayer, for it's mighty onsartin,
Samuel whether you land in Vicksburg
or eternity
Thoroughly oblivious of court manners
was the red-cloaked old Kentish dame
who found her way into the tent occu-
pied by Queen Charlotte, at volunteer
review held shortly after her coming TO
England, and after staring at the royal
lady with her arms akimbo, observed:
"Well, she's not as ugly as they told me
she was!'-a compliment the astonished
queen gracefully accepted, saying:
"Well, my good woman, | am very glad
of that" Probably her majesty forgave
her critics rudeness as the outcome Of
rustic ignorance and simplicity.
There is no cooler man than your sim
pie fellow. While General Thomas
was inspecting the fortress at Chattanooga
with General Garfield, they heard some
one shout: "Hello, mister You! /
want to speak to you! General Thomas
turning found he was the "mister" so
politely hailed by an East Tennessean
soldier.
"Well, my man," said he, "what do
you want With me!
AZ want to get furlough, mister,
that's what | want" was the reply.
"Why do you want furlough, my
man" inquired the general.
"Wall, want to 20 home and see my
wife"
elbow long is it since you saw herr"
"Ever since / enlisted; nigh on to
three months"
"Three mOnthsW exclaimed the COM
mander. "Why, my good fellow, have
not seen my wife for three years."
The Tennessean looked incredulous,
and drawled: "Wall, you see, me and
my wife amt that sortp'
The postmaster-general of the United
States once received an odd athcial COM
munication; the Raeborn postmaster,
new to his duties, writing to his superior
officer: Seeing by the regulations that
| am required to send you letter of adj
vice, must plead in excuse that have
been postmaster but short time; but
will say, if your Office pays no better
than mine, / advise you TO give it up"
The this day that postmaster-general has
not decided whether his subordinate was
an ignoramus or was quietly poking fun
at him.
Spite Of the old axiom about self
praise, many are of opinion that the
world is apt to take man at his own
valuation. If that be true, there is a
church dignitary in embryo somewhere
in the young deacon, whose examining
bishop fel, it requisite to send for the
clergyman recommending him for ordi-
nation in order to tell him to keep that
young man in check; adding by way of
explanation: 81 had the greatest diff
Guilty, sir, to prevent him examining
mel" This not TO be abashed candidate
for clerical honors promises to be as
worthy of the cloth as the American
minister who treated his village congre-
CATION to one of Mr.. Beecher's sermons
unaware that the popular Brooklyn
preacher made one of his hearers. Ac-
costing him after service, Mr.. Beecher
said: "That was fair discourse; how
long did it take you to write it?"
ooh, tossed it off one evening"" was
the reply.
Indeed" said Mr.. Beecher. "Weli,
it took me much longer than that to
think out the frame. work of that SER
mon."
care you Henry Ward Beecher?"
asked the sermon stealer.
az am" said that gentleman.
"Well, them" said the other, not in
the least disconnected, call have to say
is, that / amt ashamed to preach one of
your sermons anywhere"
We do not know if Coleman invented
the phrase, " AS cool as cucumber"
but he makes the Irishman in "The Heir
at.Law" say: "These two must be a
rich man that won't lend, and a borrow
err; for one is trotting about in great dis
tress and tother stands as cool as a cucum-
ber." OF the two, the latter was more
likely to have been intending raid on
another mans purse, for the men whose
every trade is borrowing" are usually,
we might say necessarily, the coolest of
the cool; like Bubb Dodington's impe-
cunious acquaintance, who, rushing
across Bond street, greeted Dodington
with: "Pm delighted to see you, for /
am wonderfully in want of guinea"
Taking out his purse, Bubb showed