The Ottawa free trader., 1878-07-06
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


and the other in Josh Billings.
Why is the rough sea like piece of mutton
Because it's Chop e"'-hdttoon oo,s''M; T,,i :,
When is rough sea like horec ""
heaves-see ?-Er.
When is the sea like an lrate mother! "heh
it is spanking-see?
The Detroit Free Press recently contained an
advertisement of "For Sale-A piano by 4 lady
with modern legs"
Mrs. jerks has suddenly jumped into the posi-
ton in the republican party until recently heio
by Eliza Pinkston.
One of Jasper's converts is frank enough to re-
ply: 81 doan know whedder Pze got rellgun OF
not; try me wild chickunH'
Effectively observes Punch and Judy OF Lon
DON "There is good time coming, boys, but IL
is good time coming boys"
The laugh is on a pretentious architect of Auro-
ra who put up an arstocratic residence lor
one Of her wealthy citizens and failed to supply
it with a single chimney.
Richardson of the Tonica Nars feiciates him
self matrimonially on having caught Partridge,
Miss Addie, as was. Better not crow too loud,
One can't always tell, you know.
Gold Hill, Ncv has woman who plays on the
piano with her toes and fin gers simultaneously.
1t must double her up worse than green apples
and perhaps it does her auditors.
The "subimc porte " is beginning to manifest
profound disgust towards the proceedings Of the
peace congress. 1t thinks the only peace they
are after is piece Of Turkey.
The fate of a recent religious newspaper enter
prise in Chicago induces its protector to remark
with some acerbity: "Now let the devil forccloSe
his mortgage on this town as soon as he wants
to-"
The Norrstown HeraM is willing to pay pre-
MUM for pun on isinglass. Well, speak about
some Young lady looking at herself in mirror;
she sees eyes in glass. Or speak of a young man
looking at a sherry cobbler; he sees ice In glass
But We forbear.-N I. Herud.
\ married man in Chicago has invented an
India rubber rolling-pin that will roll out the
dough very evenly and yet bend to the head when
itstrikes, God bless thatman
Declaring dividends unreasonably large is Il
sign Of weakness on the part of bank 1t su@-
neSlS tIlHJ lIit ulTttlOlo HlN ui'i'''o ~
posits before going to Canada.
An Indiana preacher made use of the express
sion, 1.-THE icOnoclastic scgrcgate OF sin last
SUNDAY, and has already received call to Con
eregational church In Boston. .-Cincin"oh B'fok,
tdSt TdJh.
The most narrowing predicamcnt in which n
country editor can be caught IL TO have just 30
seconds TO catch the Chicago train, and have u
good old farmer stop him on the street and tell
him he wants to subscribe for his paper. In this
case what ought the country editor to do?-hdn-
kotkte Gasot'e
snatch his purse and run, of course. 1t would
be ridiculous to lose such chance.
An Illinois freshman has the reputation of hay
ing thus outwittcd a pert senior: Senior: " DO
you know why our college is such a learned
placeY Freshman: "Of course; the freshmen
all bring little learning here, and as the seniors
never take any away, it accumulates."
4 Chicago girl, eight years old, had one of her
legs permanently shortened by falling through
oal-hole, and jury gave her 81, 800 damages.
Ii Is pathetic now to see string of girls on hand
there every morning waiting for that coal-hole to
be opcned-Grdphic
When the Rev Robert Nourse ended his prayer
before the Illinois republican convention last
week, the hall rang with applause. Mr.. Nourse
the rival of the eminent Boston divine, of one
OF whose pulpit Innovations n Boston paper said,
ait was the most eloquent prayer ever addressed
to a Boston audience"
The editor OF the Paw Paw Herald while attend.
ing the Forcpaugh show at Mendoza last week,
says the Nc,rs, had his pocket picked. The thief
was soon afterwards discovered coaXing mule
to kick his brains out All he found in the pock-
et-book was a bunch Of newspaper scraps and
two show tickets. The latter Mr.. Forcpaugh
kindly replaced SO that the editor and his girl got
10 the show anyhow
Throughout the hot aud dusty day
The sprinklng sprinkler sprinks its way,
And sprinkles sprinklngs up and down
The sprnllled precincts of the town.
In vain have sprinkled ladies swore
At crossings sprnklingly sprinkled DER;
In vain the sprghtly sprinklng hoots
Because the sprinkler sprinks his boots;
That ,prinkling sprinkler sprinkles on
Until its sprInkling sprink is done,
Nor pause e'en for curse or thank
Until its final sprnk il sprank
81. Louis Post.
4 noticeable feature of the recent republican
convention was the total absence Of mtONication
ON the part Of the delegates. One gentleman
who circulated freely through the vast assembly,
Of liquor upon the breath Of a single individual
in attendance as delegate. .-Springfod Ga-ette.
Yes. The man who gets his whisky cheap by
taking II second hand from the breath of Others
has been heard Of before now. Practice probably
made him like the old Ottawa soap boiler,
who became such a nuisance that a grand jury
indicted him When brought into court he de-
mandcd, "Wot for am ndctedY' Because
you stink So" said the judge holding his nose.
stink Umph schmclls nodding"
The Philadelphia paper that had employed
Redhead Jim" as a paragraphist has dismissed
him in disgrace When the female jerks came TO
the front Jim was SO eclipsed as liar that over.
tures were at once made to the lady and Jim was
bounced. Bessie Turner had been dismissed TO
give place TO Jim.