The Van Buren press., 1878-11-05

out:
Hope insanity won't break out on
the twins p
Deacon b of Ohio, very pious man.
was noted for his long prayers, especially
in his family. On Monday morning the
deacon aud bis wife we're alone, and as
was his custom, after breakfast prayer
was offered.
There being an unusual amount of
work that day, the deacon's prayer was
short, and Selling his hat and and milk
pail he started for the barn.
His wife, being deaf, did not notice his
absence, but supposed him to be still in
prayer.
On his return from milking he was
surprised to find her still kneeling. He
stepped up to her and shouted "Amen %
when she Immediately arose and went
about her work as if nothing had hap.
pened.
The following note was actually re-
ceived. few days ago, by a lady from
q neighbor The Jacob" incidently
referred to was the husband of the wri
ter:
Mrs b, will 70 please to lend
me black bonnet and black hat and 2
black wells and shall or sack aud
pair of gloves and oblige me.
HANNAHV -.
81 y S-Iannh ia ds.l." Si.sa
Register.
II signs don't fail, the coming winter
will be the coolest experienced in this
latitude since the country was discovered
by man named Mr.. Columbus. The
squirrels are laying in their winter coal,
the beavers are putting heaters in the
sbasemeht of their lodges, the bees have
killed off all the drones and lined their
hives with sheet iron, the muskrats are
dying South, wild ducks are committing
sulcidc, the goose bone is black sixteen
inches deep, Western editors are solicit
ing wood in exchange for subscriptions,
poor families are buying an extra dog
and we have new collar put on our over
confederation Herald.
Suppose you were out in jungle
somewhere" said Strobel to Bilikns
while walking through the Zoo, "ant
should see tiger come charging down
upon you, with fur up and mouth open
what would be your drst thought? p
We'll. l rather think" replied Mr.. b.
1that for about two seconds I'd conclude
Marthy AIMS mother had just got bach
from her trip to camp meeting. would
be comfort, though, when found out Ii
been mistaken about t."-Cincinnat
Breakfast Table.
One style Of hats for ladies is called
the "Huzza" That is because it il
90 cheerful for the husband who pays th'
bills.
Some wretch has the audacty to re
mark that the ladies deck their hats will
flowers in memory of the men who hav
been killed by milliner's bills.
Be not offended at jest. II on
throws ever so much salt at thee, thol
will receive no harm unless thou be raw
Webb.
A new agricultural implement is au
electric light to aid farmers to harves
ther crops at night.
peddler of homes and razor strop
boosted that they would sharpen up any
thing that had an edge; whereupon
byEtander pointed to pond near by
said: LETS see you try 'em on the WIS
ter's edge"
A clergyman who had just performe
wedding ceremony and was filing OF
blank descriptive of the parties. askc
the husband what his business was. :"
an wine merchant and shoemaker
was the reply. Yes" chimed in th
bride, " SO you can just set him down 0
asherry cobbler"
A colored Georgia minister preache
the following practical theology ''Bret
dren, my experience is dat it amt de pc
fession Of 'iigion, but de casona prat
tice OF it dat makes a man 'ceptable II
yonder. Wen yer gifts TO the golden gat
an Peter looks yer right in de eve al
yer shows him yer long creed an say,
poinpous like, dat Yer longed ter bi
church, de 'poste shakes his head a.
say, dat amt huff to git yer through
3al if yer takes all yer bills under W
arm, yer grocer bills an yer rent bills, al
he looks EN- over an finds EN- all +,
ceipted, hell say. Yer titles clear al
unlocks de gate an let yer pitch yer voic
for de angels song. But faint no us
ter trabbel long dat narrer path less "
can carry, folded up in yer creed, goo
Recommendation from yer creditors. Hell
ben amt no place fer a man who hab t,
dodge rom a corner fur fear oh mectii
some one who'll ask fur dat little bill III
n.bber was paid.