Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1878-03-09
THE WRONG UMBRELLA.
AN EVERY DAY STORY.

ulanklHG taxes 10 llttle account OF the
rights of property as regords books and
umbrellas. Many people who are in
most respects excellent members of so.
ciety will borrow books without stint,
and, if they do not return them minus
the covers, will keep them without COM
punction, and when you hint that they
had them rather long. will utter Coon
found the fellow, does Ike think that !
want to steal his bOOks?" I have had
differences with my best friends on this
score, and have ever been asked whether
| had not better foe everybody who re.
tained my valuable volumes beyond
fixed time, IS If were q village library.
Such insults have been borne with meek
ness, because | have always remembered
with remorse how | once reveled in the
thought of having made away with
Johns0n's umbrella. The laxity of the
public morals in the matter'of umbrellas
is truly awful, but retribution will some.
times overtake him who plots against his
neighbor's parachute, Let me tell how
It overlook me
A long time ago I was madly anam-
ored of Mary Jane Bowles. Mary Jane
was what you would call a pocket Venus,
ana often have been tempted to tuck
her under my arm like packet of sugar,
and fly to the nearest desert island. She
was an artiess gill, and very fond Of
socety-Cspecially the society of young
men with whom ! was not on terms of
ardent friendship. did not blame her
for this, and when she invited me to tea,
and found johnson had also been in.
vited, my discerning eye observed that
this was not coquetry, but pure exhu-
berance Of spirits. Mr.. Bowles, noticed,
was of the same opinion, and it was a
great satisfaction to me to have my
judgment confirmed by 50 experienced a
parent. Mrs. BOwIes, had she been alive,
would no doubt have agreed with US
| had known Mary Jane since she
wore short irocks. johnson had known
herabout month it was pleasant to
hear her call me Sam and'him Mr.. Johns
son, but somehow the familiarity in my
case seemed to have bred not contempt
o dear, no nothing OF that kind--but a
sort Of nonchalance Of manner. (How
useful the French language is when one
wants to express very delicate shade of
meaningD But that was her artess-
ness
" Dear me, Sam" she observed. at the
tea-table, what have you got such a
long face for !"
Johnson's attentions had made me a
little pensiye,
d" Something must be long to make up
for the prevailing sh0rtnpss,' " | said.
johnson was not much taller than
Mary Jane. ! made q note of that sar-
casm aiterward Ny impromptus are
too often lost,
"Dan't be impertinent, sir Look into
that spoon. Your face is exactly like
the reflection you zee tbere--isn'tit, Mr.
IohnsOA?'
lie grinned,
1t was then | observed, for the first
time, the singular breadth of his visage.
His grin seemed to extend across the
room,
"lt Mr.. johnson will hold the spoon
horizontally, he may admire his own
image" | remarked, pIayfully,
johnson grinned again He was one
of those insanely g0od.natured men
whom it is quite impossible to annoy.
" Sam, you are outrageous" said Mary
Jane. Mr., Johnson and are going 10
practice cur duet You step here and
talk to pa"
Mr.. Bowles had to be aroused from
the doze into which he usually dropped
after tea. 1t was in that habit that my
penetration had detected his conviction
that Mary Jane WAS an artless creature.
Pa woke up, and asked me what were
my views on tramways. His composite ]
f'%as fine, crusty conservatism, and he
djsIiked innovations. His port wine was
fine and crusty, too, but that is by the
way.
/ was listening to the duet overhead.
and had very indistinCt idea of what l
was saying myself. | cannot sing, but
it was not Tor that reason that | objected
to the preposterously Operatic way in
which johnson was conducting hiG1self.
Tramways, my dear sir, are, as you
so Justly observe, the chief scourge of
mankind. From the earliest times they
have been noted for their hostility to
human virtue, and"
have lands and proud dwellings,
And all shall he thine,
sang johnson, upstairs.
"And it is, as you say, monstrous
that landed proprietors and bloated
householders should override the popu.
lar protest in this matter, especially as
We know that--that for purposes Of
drainage, tramways are--'
"My dear boy, you are not vel" in.
terrupted Mr.. Bowles, kindly. Have
glass of wine"
When l left the house that evening |
was thoughtful. 1t struck me that
johnson had Mary Jane in his mind:
eye. / could not damage that organ O
vision, so | decided that nothing woult
be gained by hitting him. But some
thing would have to be done. | wanted
to marry Mary Jane. She was charm
ing girl, and her father had littlt
money.
My suspicious about johnson wer'
confirmed next day. met lively
friend, who said
IObr you know johnson |"
Well2' .
"He's going in for the little Bowles
He teld me he should propose to her to-
morrow night when be takes her home
from Twig's party"
"PerditicnW
"Eh? Slap up girl, isn't she Though
you were sweet that way ?'
"Perd-- Oh, no, not at all? There
my omnibus Byb W
Going to propose wher he took he
home from Twig's! By all the powers
he should not take her home from Twig's
1t had been agreed that should escor
Mary Jane to the halls of Twig. 1t wa
a fine night apparently, but took my
umbrella, II was q new one, surmUunte'
by an alligatCrs head in German silver
Fervently invoked Jupiter Pluvius tC
befriend me, and hoped that johnson
would leave his umbrella at home.
twas less than ten minutes walk, but