The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1878-05-23
FACTS AND FANCiES.

l
THE bell punch noteth even the fall
of swallow.
Gas pooty as new coilin," is Caro-
| lima utterance of admiration.
FIRST URCHIN --"Whcn doctor gets
sick, what makes 'em get another Doctor
to give em medicine ?" Second Urchin
Coos they can't take their own mediN
cine; it's too na.ty, They give it to
folks"
JUNIOR CLERK" Would you permit
me to absent myself tomorrow to attend
my fathers funeral ?" Head OF firm
(deep in fgures) -" You may go,
Hawkins, but do not let this happen
again"
"WuY il il, my dear sir" said Waffies'
Iandady TO linn the other day that
your newspaper men never get rich ~
I" ! don't know" was the reply, except
it is that dollars and sense do not always
travcI together"
You've girls do not understand the
witchery of bright eyes and rosy lips,
but set off their beauty by all the artll''
cial means in their power, never ieilect-
ing that by doing 80 they destroy their
principal cham-~that of innocence
WHENEVER bone two feet in length
and nine inches in diameter is unearthed
in the west, they call it the tolLh OF an
animal that lived before the flood, and
telegraph the newspapers that the re-
mains of another mastadon have been
| discovered.
Mr.. Pu.GlLDER went home the other
night considerably intoxicated and aillct-
ed with double vision. lie sat for some
time with his sleepy gaze riveted on Mrs.
PilgiIder, and then quietly remarked
"Well (hic) hope Tholler if YOU two
gals don't look enough alike to be (hic)
twins"
"WnERE do potatoes come from }
asked little fve,year,old. She was
told the usual thing, But where did
the first one come from ?" she persisted
Her father said he didn't know. Then
she thought for = few momentsand broke
out with: Well, suppose they made
q little teeny' one first, and planted 1t;
doh you, papa
LITTLE Johnnie has peculiar views AS
to original sin. One day he was about
to be punished for SOM misdemeanor,
when he pleaded" 1t wasn't me, mamma
dear; it WAS the bad NAH" " We'll,
Johnny | am going to whip the bad
man out of YOU" All, yes; but that
will hurt mes precious lot more than 1t
will the bad man"
A LADY school teacher at New York
was docked two cents the other 0ay by
the principal in whose school she taught,
for being one mihu'e late in getting 10
her desk. That is almost equal to Mark
Twain's story about mining company
which docked man for the time spent
in bning blown up, when his back pay
wa, being handed to his window.
A LAWYER once asked the late Judge
Ptckens, OF Alabama, to charge the jury
that cit is better that ninety and nine
guilty men should escape than one inno-
cent man should be punished" " 9es," "
said the witty Judge, " will give that
charge, but in the opinion of the court
the ninety and nine guilty men have
already escaped in this country. -
| Courier-Journal.
Ny journal or Switzerland does not
mention what we'll recollect, and
Wordsworth has we'll made the sub
iect OF sonnet, the continued bark
ing of dog, irritated by the echo Of his
own voice. In human life this is per-
petually occurring. 1t is said that Il
dog has been known to contract an illness
by the continued labor of barking at his
own echo, and finally to be killed by it.
i Crabb Robinson.
The son OF Napoleon III. Prince Louis,
has Just entered on his twenty-third
wear. He can not exactly be called
Prince Imperial, for there is no French
emperor 1t IL said that an understand
ing was arrived at long since in tue
British court, and with full consent OF
,hc Empress Eugene, that the son OF
tie late emperor should be called, az his
father was in his early exile, Prince
Louis Napoleon.
AN agricultural paper gives several
directions how to tell a good egg"
They are not altogether satisfactory,
however. The quickest and sure-t way
to tell = good egg is to place it in one
hand and mash it with the other, II
an odor arises that leads you to believe
that bone.boiliug establishment and
Limburger cheese factory have telescoped,
the egg is not good and you want to
throw it away and wash your hands.
This method never fails.