, 1878-04-19
Wit and HumOr.
DUNE bcIlo--An impossiDility.
HOP notwithstanding mNsters.

1
his prisoners until they were dead. IS
this man u mere COrOnert
"Wuy did my aunt-copcF asked a
niece of her uncle. "BcCausc | did not
hold tight rcin.dcar,' heIepIied.
SAID Mrs. Partington, "What is all this
fuss about rheUmatizlng silver and this
demand for the plumbago Of our fathers"
A SUNDAY school bog, upon b@ingaskel
what made the tower Of Pisa lean, ro
plicd, "B.cuuac Of the tamjLe in the
lNud.'
"NoRTn PoLEN is II new town in the
oil region. Being in the oil regions, it
must be greasy Pole, AMI therefore hard
to climb.
IL ~ man shcycls snow off roof into
your neck and follows it up by coming
down himself, that is defined as GGcumu.
lated disaster.
81 WANT to die in harness. says Alex
ander Stephens. 1t will be little diff
cult to find a harness small enough for the
purpose, but it Shall be done.
TIE English language is inadequate to
express the fororn feelings Of the boy
who thinks he has stolen a dime novel
and finds it to be cookbook.
THE man of genius may, by single ef-
fort, rise to the very summit of Fame's
temple; but we defy him to go dunning
this winter and collect more than fifteen
cents.
GEORGE WAsHTNGToN would have
signed the silver bill.-COur.JOur. No
he wouldn't, nuther! He'd have treated
it like cherry tree, he would PhiIa
Bulletin.
THERE are some Americans in Constan-
tinoplc and if the Russians intend to hold
the city it is hoped the Car will estab.
lish saloon where American drinks can
be had. This is important.
ALMOST every idea is already patented; /;
but the man who shall invent II bootjack
that will kill two cats with one throw
will find Il clear field, and may realize
from it his everlasting fortune.
Is there a woman in all this broad,
sunny land Of ours who doesn't believe
that carving knives are created and kept
sharp and nice for the sole purpose of
splitting kindling and opening fruit cansf
'JouN," said doting parent to gor-
mandiziug son, "do you really think you
can cat the whole of that pudding with
impunity2" ~ don't know, ma" re-
piled young hopeful "bnt guess can
with spoon"
"YoU have very ungainly walk"
said gentleman to his friend; "but |
hope you won't take offence at my telling
you So" "Not at all, 4" replied the friend
''you will always find that man Of my
gait never takes fence"
A CERTAIN little damsel, being 0g-
gravated beyoAd endurance by her big
brother, fell down upon her knees, and
cried: "Oh Lord bless my brother Tom.
He lies, he steals, he swears. All boys
do; us girls don't. Amenw
"Nor QUITE THE CHEEsE!' british
Farmer: What sort o. cheese do you
call this9 Full o. holes" Waiter:
"Grew-ycre, sir" British Farmer (sus-
piciousl W; "Then just bring one that
grew somewhere lse!"-Punch.
"CATs can't live at greater elevation
than $4,000 feet above the level Of the
sea-" but if woodshed was built $4,000
feet above the level Of the sea, and few
families lived that high in the vicinity,
it is pretty certain that cats would get on
top Of the shed to howl, or perish IN the
attempt.
"CHARLEs, my dear" said his loving
wife, 81 thought you said that the dodo
bird was extinct $50 it is, pet" he re-
piled swell, but, Charley, some one
sent in bill to you to-day, and it says,
TO one julcp, do do. To three smashes,
do do. To twenty braces, do do Char
ley, please do not buy any dodos; they
must be horrid things"
A MINNEAPoLIs boy was sent by his
teacher woman, to the Superintendent
to hewhpped. The lad suspected the
contents of the note and hired II boy he
met on the street to deliverit, giving him
few cents. The Superintendent didn't
discover till the castigation was over that
the boy he had logged had not seen the
inside OF a school house for month.
AN lrishman in charge of flag sta
ton stopped an express train.
"WheTe are the passengers 10 GcV INF
shouted the conductor, briskly.
"Therc amt any, said Pat.
"Then what did you stop the train ior!"
"Sure, an how did know but what
somebody wanted to get out;'
The conductor jerkcd the bell, and the
train went on.
WE don't know Ruth Natalie Crom-
well, but We Judge she is Il very nice girl
to have for IN acquaintance. She poet
icaIy signs, kiss me, love, kiss me ever
Till dream no dream but this, Till the
world on golden lever, All its minutes
stepped in bliss, Turns upon u rosy kiss. y
We don't believe it can be done, Ruth.
The young man would become exhausted
tefore the world had halt turned.