The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1878-11-21
RICH MEMS SAYINGS.
A BUDGET Of Funny s,or,-..

- "a
A Budget Of Funny Stories.
Prom Noahs Tme2
Commodore Garrison was n warm
friend of the late Prince John Van Buren,.
One summer the prince. while spending
the season at Saratoga. was in want Of a
steady coaehman. as Mrs. Van Buren, was
exceedingly nervous. The commodore, by
way OF Joke, sent him up one of his old
sea-dOgs who was hanging around the
Office in want of job. The sailor. who
was more accustomed to steering than to
driving, pulled the port rem when he
wanted TO 20 to the starboard side. and as a
consequence he created sensation IN the
avenue. The prince, getting impatient AT
this performance. stood up In his carnage
and Indignantly demanded Of the coach
man where he had been employed before
II used TO steer the captains gig" re-
piled the man with brogue An
sure, av | can steer the captains gig.
why the divil can't drive your coach -
Daniel Drew built church at Carmel.
in Putnam county, not far from the spot
where he drove cattle IN his younger days.
On tablet above the entrance Daniel let
the world know that he was the founder
and builder of this church. Mr.. Drew. =
said an old methodist minister TO the
cidevant millionaire, Your church al
WAYS reminds ME of the couplet from
Pope:
He who builds . church TO God and not Ia fame
Will never mark the marble with his name
There Is a wealthy brewer in Montreal
who built church and inscribed on it.:
This Church was Erected by Thomas
Nelson at His Sole Expense-Hehrews.
xx chapter" Some of the NcGill col
lege wags got ladder one night. and al
tered the inscription so rs TO make IL read /:
This Church was Erected by Thomas
Nelson at His Souls Expense He brews
(double) M"
General Horace Porter. Vice President
OF the Pullman Car Company. was asked
If he had heard any news of Angel. the
This man is fallen Angel. now" said
the general, but ! wish TO Heaven he
had never been more than cherub, one
of those little fellows all head and wings.
and, you bet. he would never have known
the use of pockets.
Anthony J. Bleecher. the well-known
real estate auctioneer. was asked by Mr..
John Kelly to appraise piece of proper
ty fol- the city. When he presented his
bill the comptroller demurred at paying
it. remarking that the sum was quite "a
much as the salary of one of his clerks,
''Mr. Kelly" said the veteran auctioneer
81 am not a clerk in my profession. ! am
boss. Boss" Kelly laughed. and paid
the bill without further comment
Robert Lennox, the milkman and litera-
~ recluse, has passion for making col
lections Of things. rich and curious. He
has ample means 10 crafty refined tastes,
and takes great delight in roaming around
Nassau street among the book stands,
and. In fact there are few hooks and cor
ners in the city which he has not visited.
Not very long ago he entered a store on
Sixth Avenue and asked the person in
waiting If he had any collections ''Col-
lections?" queried the shopkeeper with
a perpleXed air, and. then. rs an idea
struck him, added: NO. haven't any.
but Joseph Stiner. who lives ON Ninth
Street, has. What kind are thew
demanded Mr.. Lennox. Kind. exclaim-
ed the man. IN great astonishment. why.
he is "A collector of taxes" In mellow
moments. over the walnuts and wine, Mr.
Lennox is fond Of relating this anecdote
Ii Is not a very pleasant duty 10 have TO
interview the late Commodore Wander
bilt, who dislikrd intensely any interfer-
ence with his business. A reporter called
one morning relative to some contemplated
chaLges in the grade of one Of the roads
in which the railway monarch was inter
ested. Good morning. Mr.. Vanderbilt.
slt bA tt.. nth gns. Ia
full of untold sweetness: Il have called
to ascertain if you contemplate changing
the grade of the New YoIk CentralI 2"
and reckoning the reporter 10 his side. re-
spondei: ''See here. sonny. it's none of
your business Thank you, onmmo-
dore!" gulped the taken back reporter,
who expected a good story for the paper.
There Is no necessity for thank: good
morning. sir. with low bow the state
" old gentleman dismissed the scribe.
who fought shy Of ever interviewing him
again.
The late Stephen W. Whitney left
such large amount Of property entained
in the vicinity of the stock exchange that
that Institution cannot find space IN that
locality to erect its new building. Mr..
Whitney was most careful man, and
brought up his grandchildren in the strict
est notions Of economy. One Of the boys
at Lake Manopac, few years ago. went
out fishing with a fine rod and caught
nothing. while little ragged urchin from
the village. with hickory rod and ben.
pin. raised basket o. sinner, my
boy. take warning by this safe IN old
man who was looking on in r.i.ectiye
mood: ''those with the most advantages
often fail to profit by them" He en-
tailed his property in such way tina, II
could only be divided when the younges,
child comes Of age