The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-08-03
THE RIME OF THE CURIOUS CUSTOMER.

To d store that entered in,
To store where they dealt in ware
OF iron, brass and tin.
Then up did start the salesman good,
Behind the counter he stands;
To his customer he saith, Good day, !"
And smiles and rubs his hands,
And to that curious customer
In accents bland doth say:
'What is it can show you, sir?
What will you have today
Then up and spakc the customer,
Who pensive rubbed his chin,
With hem and ha, as the wares he saw
OF iron, brass and tin,
~Giye me the English history
BY Lord Macauay penned;
Heed not the cost, for It's to be
A present to friend"
Then answered that bold salesman,
Who gasped for breath outright,
Wondering if his customer were mad
Or he were only tight,
"'You to another shop must fare,
An histories you'd win,
We sell nought here but good hardware
OF iron, brass and tin"
He smiled, the curious customer;
so, yes, IL must be nice,
If the book is what you say it is,
No matter about the price"
Then started that bold salesman
And pale grew either cheek,
And thrice he strovc TO clear his throat,
Then loudly did he speak
The while with waving gesture he
The customer his looks
Directed TO the pots and pans
Upon the shelves and hooks
sinister, this is a hardware store,
We do not deal in books"
"All right" said that strange customer,
And he did not smile nor laugh,
"Morocco will do well enough,
Though | should have preferred calf
Perhaps you can get it bound again.
If so, what would it cost?
'He deaf as any door-nail is,
Aye, deaf as any post"
Replied the salesman, as he did
keen can-opcner take
And jab ii in the calf OF his leg
To see if he were awake.
Then he made Il trumpet Of his hands,
And, loud as he could roar,
Beloved, "Wc've no histories-no books;
This is a hardware store
VI.
Up spake the unmovcd customer,
And his voice was mild and meek
10, thank you, you are very kind,
But could not wait week;
Ill take the books just ~ they arc.'
On the saesman's forehead swellcd
The veins, as he drew in his breath
And like maniac yelled
Till the pots and pans they tinglcd
And echoed with Il roar,
"You bowling idiot, can't you sec
This Is Il hardware stOrcN
VII.
Smiling, upspake that customer
"Tll take it home with me;
Don't trouble about sending it;
What will the damage bcY'
Then out he took his pockct-book,
And fifty showed across,
And the clerk Ooo weak was he TO speak,,
He sgnalled TO the boss.
ooh, make this lunatic understand,
For my lungs are strained and sore,
And fear ! have burst blood vessel
This is Il hardware store"
To the b0ckshop to spit up blood
The salesman bold withdrew,
And the boss said TO the bar-kccpcr,
"What can do for youW
VIII.
The customer in still, small voice,
All innocent of wrong,
Said, ~ want Il little rat-tail file,
About seven inches long"
The boss stared ut the customer,
Who did not blcnch nor smile.
The boss put up, the customer took
And paid him for the file,
The customer he said Good day."
And his voice was low and sweet;
81 thought your clerk was kind of queer,
But | suppose the heat'--
The boss he to the salesman went,
The angrIest of men.
'I'ye stood this about long enough,
1t mustn't happen again"
''lie wanted Macaulay's History"
''lle wanted Il file "NO. No"
Gle was dcafer than an adder is"
"Te heard me speaking low"
They wrangled, rs to who was right,
Each one of them in the dark was,
The clerk held the customer was mad,
And the boss held that the clerk was.
Y.
As he was sweeping out the store
Next morn, the shOp-boy good
Picked up II yisiting.card near where
That customer had STOOD
On il he spelled a name well known
Unto play acting men.
Mr.. CHARLES
S-O-TH-E-R.N." &. I. l..
Ne,c York World