Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1878-07-28
UNSUITABLE FICTION
rom the Overland.

1t is absolutely essential to Califor-
MAN entering London society, that he has
slain at least a grizzly bear. This is ex-
pected and required Of him. Once be-
came garrulous over my old camp and
mountain life. Said an. English lady.
"But you must have been afraid of wild
beasts, all alone in the forest
| laughed a merry laugh of derision.
ibid you ever kill wild beast2" asked
the tender Briton.
have never killed anything larger
than squirrel in my life. Several times
before had been asked this question.
veracity I had answered, "Nay." At
once sunk in popular estimation. Here
was the crisis again. Three young ladies
were anxiously waiting my answer--two
of them lineal desct ndants of William
the Conqueror. They expected me to be
Nimrodish.
l said to myself, "Strict veracity and
I must party company for while. Strict
veracity keeps me from shining. The
British public expect bold, startling
deeds from dweller in the western
wilds of America. The British public
shall not be disappointed l must launch
a slain wild beast upon them. 1t shall
figure prominently at all social gather
ings. 1 will tell the story so ofteu that
1 will believe it myself. | will also
deed all my own. In social converse my
countenance shall fall suddenly; 1 shall
hesitate; dreadful Recollection SHALL
for the MON ent, seem to overwhelm me,
| will recover; / will shake it off; l will
be myself again"
l commenced my new career that
same evening. I said 1 had once killed
a coyote. l brought the beast out mod
estly, as though to me there was nothing
particularly brave or meritorious in the
act.
"And what is coyote2" asked the
lady. Should say it was mean, sneak
ing, cowardly animal, with roar like a
lion, and more dangerous than grizzly?
I said that single one had been
known to put a whole village to flight.
and in his merciless career, he spared
neither age, sex nor Responsibility. l
| told how | had slain one after desper-
ate fight. l showed one scar, where l
had run jack-knife into my hand when
a boy.
My success astonishes and dazzles me-
| These innocent British maidens are so
hungry for stories OF this description, it is
unkind to deny them. I am now hero.
retouch and re-embellish the tale for
every new party. Eventually | am to
bring out a grizzly and an Indian-slail
both in single combat These little fic-
lions are justifable. They amuse, they
interest, they are expected. The end
justifes the means.
The American of the further West, in
the respectable British imagination, is a
reckless, bloodthirsty, impetuous, vim
dictive being, hung with six-shooters and
| bowie knives. Seated between two gen
tlemen one evening, at a social gathering,
| the conversation ran thus:
''Are you an Americana"
81 am an Americana Californian
+! "Ah and it is true that your people on
the frontier have so many rows!'
"Much that is said is true''
"And have you ever killed man?"
started; thought there was an IN
tent to quiz me. No. The querists were
two honest, innocent English artists, who
deemed that nearly everything in the
universe worth knowing or seeing was to
! be found in London and that all human
ity living without the happy, blessed
boundaries of England led vague,
wretched sort of existence.
hesitated in my answer. Perhaps
one of the gentlemen mistook that hesita-
ton for the momentary confusion of
remorse, as memory, agitated by such
question, run over its long lists of victims.
He apologized. I said then that I had
never killed anybody. DO not think l
was believed. My delay in answering,
and my apparent confusion, however,
raised me in their estimation. They now
held me as Western desperate, too
modest to confess his crimes. The Eng
lish have quite passion for the Occi-
dental ruffian.
saw now so vivdly how great had
been my neglect to have lived full sixteen
years in the toughest, widest, most law
less camps in California without killing
at least one man; to have lived where the
shooting scrape" was semi-weekly in
stitution; where every one went "heeled"
| with derringers, knives and revolvers;
where the great pierglass behind the bar
at the Long Tom saloon was trebled in
value by the bullet holes in it, sent hither
during controversy between DR.. B. and
the sheriff. l now mourned neglected
opportunities. could not truthfuily say.
II, too have slain Pe1uyian!''
"But there is a great deal of shooting
and cutting among your people?" re-
marked the gentleman.
I perceived that these men were hun
cry for meal of wild, Western bloody
fiction. 1t was cruel to deny them.
said: "Certaiuly. We shoot much
We shoot often. We shoot socially. l.
for instance, the com 2any are sitting abou
the stove in the rifle saloon, and the con
versation flags, and things are generally
dull, nothing is more common than for a
gentleman to get up, stretch himself,
draw his revolver, cock it, flourish it above
his head, and proclaim himself another
royal Bengal tiger Of the southern mines.
'Then are heard ten or twelve short,
sharp reports. The lights are blown out
| by the Conclusions. The rival Bengal ID