The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-04-12
WIT AND HUMOR.

BORDER Misunderstanding the wall
paper
In what place are two heals bettee
than one? In barrel.
WHY is a scratch on the hand like the
first fight of a fedgling2 Because it is
only little soar.
WHY is a fathers nose like a we'll
trained child? Because it is always I'M
der parents eye.
In the bright Lexington of Kentucky,
there are no such words as "No, thank
you, never drink"
MIDNIGHT soliloquy by the man who
supped on dried apples: "Twelve
o'clock and all swell"
"BEAUTY and booty" was the cry of
the young man who kissed the girl and
was kicked by her father.
A MAINE iqaor-dealer has fitted up
room for the business in bis garnet. A
sort of dramatic club-room.
WHY may a tipsy man fall into the
river with impunity2 Because he won't
drown as long as his head swims.
"ToM, what in the world put matri-
mony in your head" "Well, the fact
is, Joe, was getting short of shirts.
MEN are frequently like tea-the real
strength and goodness are not properly
drawn out until they have been in hot
water.
A LITTLE boy went to his father cry
ing the other day, and told him that he
had kicked bee that had splinter in
it's tail.
CT PRESUME You won't charge any
thing for just remembering me, F" said
one legged sailor TO wooden-leg man
ufacturer.
IT takes 2, 100 bees to fill pint cup,
Notwithstanding q single bee takes mp SO
much room in fellows summer trou-
sers leg.
AN abandoned wretch affirms that in
engaging wife only ring is necessary;
but nothing fhort of the cash will secure
a good hired girl.
ga MAN with trade dollar feels as if
he had a full moon in his pocket" But
without any kind of dollar, his pocket
is still ighter.-Breaktast Table.
"WHAr do you think of my new white
sack, Leander?" asked Mrs. Spilkins,
complacently, the other evening.
"White sack-tually beautiful, my
DEAR" replied Spilkins, lodging behind
q chair for protection.
WHAT blessing the photograph will
be to editors The bores can slip right
into the phonograph-room and plead
with the instrument, and the editor can
grind it all out afterward-if he wants
to.-Boston Transcript.
Mcguire, of Newark, is cool philos-
opher. On Monday at he found fault
with the fsh-cakes, and his wife broke
the dish over his head. Turning to his
daughter he said: "Your mother is
celebrating our china wedding"
AT the end of the first year comes the
"cotton wedding" explains an exchange.
And that is not the only thing that
comes at the end of the first year.
Sometimes poverty comes, sometimes
the mother-in-law, and sometimes twins.
If the surplus vitality of childhood
could be bottled up and held in reserve,
how handy it would come to woman in
after life when she goes to picnic with
year old baby, three baskets and hus-
band too lazy to carry smile Break
fast Table.
SAID Sarah to her Noah dear,
This world would surely be
desert with no oasis
Were bereft of thee"
All, love ~ said he, Z" here's one who in
That sentiments q sharer,
Noah, sis. who will not be
Bereft Of his Sahara"
DEACON NORWOOD Go Elder Tomp-
kins)-" Yes, sir; a man with hope and
without no faith is just like young man
in row-boat who amt got only one oar,
aud rows round and round in circle and
don't get nowhere" Small boy Cat safe
distsnce)-" If he warn't darned fool
he'd scun."
THE killephone is the reverse OF the
telephone; by using it you can avoid
hearing chatterbox not q foot distant,
and cats may howl all night on your
ridgepole without your knowing it.
Even your neighbours cornet becomes
innoxious, and the hand-organ loses its
s,ing.-Lo,ceU Courier.
A TREASURE calling on init
mate friend, who is unmarried, and only
has one servant)-"I your mistress at
home, Sarah ?" Sarah" No, num-
Lady" Then will. you kindly say that
L called to see if she would come and
spend the evening with usa" Sarah
"Oh, no, mum Am sure she can't.
cause it's my turn out"