The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1878-05-31
A Home Fhono raph.

only 50 10 iii the house, he became
still more discouraged, and discharged
the big drum from the orchestra. He
said he couldn't afford to give esthetic.
soul satisfying music to audiences of
that description. i must get up some.
thing new, something sensational, or
am gone manager thought the un.
happy purveyor OF amusemsnts to him
self. as he lodged home through the
back streets for fear the heavy villain
to whom he was forty-two weeks in
arrear. would assassinate him with a
practicable property dagger.
That night Mr.. Patchley startled
Mrs. z. by sitting up in bed with a
loud yell.
What on earth do you mean bv re-
hesrsing that Roman citizens shout
this time o night said Mrs. z. very
angrily.
| I've got it, replied her husband, ex.
citedly
Couldn't have made more noise if it
had been burglars,
I've got it, l say continued Mr.. p,
exultantly.
Then l advise you 10 get out of bed
and hold it under water till you
drowhd it, said his better half. If
you attempt to run pin through it. it
will get away. sure. She imagined he
referred to a flea.
i mean the phonogrsph, of course,
excia,m Mr.. 2. Every body is crazy
TO see it. Best advertised thing in
America to-day. I'll get up an imita-
tion machine, advertise it is the real
thing, and just everlsstingly cram that
house for q month-bet yer life
The next day the manager had the
stage carpenter get up q property pho
nograph. He didn't know what the
real thing looked like. exactly, but he
constructed cross between a patent
churn and clothes wiinger, which had
very scientific appearance. indeed.
There was mimic attached to the COM
pany. who in consideration of a week s
back salary paid down, agreed to be
the insides of the apparatus and initiate
the voices of all the we'll known celeb
rites as they were announced by the
manager, who was himself to introduce
Professor Edison's great discovery to
the audience.
There was tremendous audience
that evening. but when the photograph
scene was ready the callboy suddenly
announced that Mr.. Quiggs, the mimic
was now here to be found.
Mr.. Patchley was almOstcrazy, and
the audience getting ready to tear the
benches up. when the missing comedian
was captured in q beer hall and
brought behind the stage. There was
no time to annihilate the offender; so
as soon as be was concealed under the
table and run his head through the
hole into the pkonograph box, the cur
tain was rung up.
Ladies and gentlemen, began the
manager, this wonderful, scientific in
strument, is the first one of the kind
ever exhibited on this coast and has
been sent to this theatre in advance of
all Others. at csst of ten thousand
dollars. On these little sheets of tin foil
are recorded the utterances of some of
the most distinguished men of the ma
tion; with whose voices this intelligent
audience is of course familiar. We will
have some remarks Of Ben Butler in
this compartment and
'Shay-when (hic) yer going ter be-
ginT interrupted the phoDsgraph
thickly.
Tie manager almost tainted. The
beast of . Quiggs was evidently drunk
and would evidently spoil everything.
The miserable lecturer continued huI-
ridly. AS l said. the following words
were spoken into the mouthpiece of
this phonograph by General Butler, We
will now turn the crank and reproduce
the exact sounds.
'Spunes (hic), gimme spunes, NUT
tered the phonograph in husky voice
This was somewhat encouraging,
and the audience cheered loudly.
The next voice will be that Of Ruth
erford Hayes, our beloved Presssent'
But the photograph just here began
to snore very loudly. TO the great
astonlshment of the spectators.
'Ah-hem-I perceive have made
little mistake gasped the manager,
who had all he could do to keep from
fainting. You see the instrument was
kept in my bedroom over night he
explained with CHASTITY smile. For
heavens sake, Quiggs wake up. Do
you want to ruin mes' He added in
an agonized whisper, at the same time
administering a secret kick ON the
photographic rear.
Here now old feller, none 'er that
(hic). you know Say jnst hand me
that bottle out Of me coat-tail
pockit (hic) will yery, responded
the degraded instrument; Yes. yes.
in q minute, my dear fellow replied
the exhibitor. pretending TO be arrsng-
ing something about the machinery.
Come, now, brace up just for minute,
and recollect what you are about; you
will have me murdered In Q minute.
A suspicion began TO dawn upon the
audience that something was wrong,
especially as the phonograph gave de-
cided evidence of being seasick. but
Mr.. Patchley kept a stiff upper lip as
he said: The diaphram seems to have
been little injured on the cars. ladies
and gentlemen; don't work as well "a !
expected. However. there are. doubt
lessly, these present who will rsceg
nize the voice Of Charles Francis Train
which will now produce from this
little slip. i didn't do it; no(hicl |
didn't do it, exclaimed the instrument
in . bland and cheerful voice. Iizzer
Tilton is (hic) thunderin' big-oh. no,
that's Beecher. sure nuff thic). Lemme
-. sW..,a co hn,n> fill mnrninr fhIfN