The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-06-08
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

One.balf of the bees in San Monica, CAL, were
lost last wear. says an exchange. Hope II was
the tail half, remarks the Chicago Times
Are YOU working hard and earning So a day!
.uere-divider, shouts the Communist loating
on the corner
ssThe parting gives me pain" sighed the man
who was combing his hair for the flrst thie ai'e'
a two weeks spree.-Ctnctnndu Iost
These are the pathetic last words of the Wor-
cester Daily Press: 1--WE hope the fellow VINO
sent us postal card with stop my paper writ
ten upon it will be satisfied this morning we
study to please"
Swell: 81 want you to make me short coa,
without tails or seams in the back. Do you
broy what 7 meanY' German tailor: "Yaas,
vaas. know vat YOU want. You want straight
jacket"
Let our republican friends possess their souls
in patience If there was really no fraud in
Florida and Louisiana, Mr.. Potter's committee
won't find any, and Hayes will be yindicatcd.-
State Register.
No fraudl Why, thunder, they've proved it!
Patience indeed
A Deadwood paper mentions the shooting OF
Chris Hoffman, a saloon keeper of that city, say
ing he twas shot twice in the abdomen, and
once in the barber shop adjacent"
They tell of an amateur sportsman in Dayton,
Ohio. who, having heard that there was an I'M
usual abundance Of mushrooms in the woods,
borrowed a dog and took his gun and started to
kill some.
West Farms On. H. fisherman last week
caught twentyseyen trout-somc OF them, ne
says, weighing over two pounds apiece. lie
would have caught more; but he is not very
good liar
That's pretty good story of the Morris I"de-
pelde7.t about catching woodchuck over on the
Macon, but what's the use of putting ones ere
dulity to such strain by making a dog climb
tree?
We are glad to learn, even at this late day,
that Thomas jefferson would turn aside rather
than step on bumblcbec. He was barefooted
when he felt that way, Of course.-DctUh Frte
Press.
"What's honor?" asks Falstaf That's easy.
ANY woman who sits behind another woman in
church can tell what's on her in two minutes.
Edison has perfected fog horn that can be
heard ten miles but when 1t comes to an invcn-
ton for getting his hired girl up in the morning,
he smiles sadly and falls to musing on the inlin-
ite-Utcd Observer
boy in Ohio has three eyes, one where the
left ear ought to be. This is mean. The boys
Of other states can't have but TWO eyes ono
gets everything under the present aunlnistra-
tion.-thicdg0 Times.
No. George; the article now going the ncwspa-
ner rounds entitled Tweed as Fireman" does
not refer TO his present occupation; though his
early knowledge Of the duties OF Il fireman may
prove of some advantage to him in his present
home. NOyTfStOlrn Hc,dd
A minister over at Gaesburg had q son born to
him, followed by generous donation from his
church, and in the next Sundays prayer he al
luded with gratitude TO ''the arrival of a little
succor" After the service two students who
sat below solcmnly asked him if he meant the
money or the baby
Inc 7o,,,"',r of New York i in trouble be-
cause he signed u bill appUpIlatiuS a"o,ooo 10 "
Catholic institution, in the face OF the law winch
SAYS no public money shall be appropriated Tor
secular purposes.-Joljd Record,
Not for sec,,lar purposes! Then who pays for
dog pcltiug or hanging people? That's "sccu-
lar business.
BY an error Of the press, the London Ecortic
Rc,i7o was advertised the other day as the Eplcp-
lie RUielc and on inquiry for 1t at a booksellers
shop, the bibliopoc replied that he knew Of no
periodical called the EpH,ptic Rccior, though
there might be such publication coming out by
fits and starts,
baby show was given in Waukegan, H., for
the benefit of u Baptist church. The most fash
ionable mothers entered their offspring, the char
table object overcoming their scruplcs, and over
hundred were put on exhibition. One was
black; and when the tenrent ballot boxes were
opened, that one was found to have been voted
the prize for beauty.
! Boston glrI who Lad fallen in love with the
opera Of the Bohemian Girl" which she had
heard for the first time, visited music store and
asked for "The heart boiled down with grease or
care, ." and 'Whcn | swallowed home made pics"
The clerk at once recognized what she desired
SIRE AND son.
"You'rc happyy" said the aged sire
Unto his married son;
You're happy, amt YOU my dear boy"
you bet am, said Don.
Then on the yatcran statcman's brow
\ shadow gathered slow;
Pm almost sorry. Don" he sighed,
Il let the widow COY. y Sun.
John Ross Of Casnoyia, Mlch has an aing
wife II was certain that she could never rccoy-
cr, ana ne thOuGhl t1hu nc mlght US wen l""N
around for her successor. He chose the daugh-
ter Of a neghbor, aud so informed his wife, who
told him that she would not stay long in the
way That night she drowned herself, mob
tarred and feaihcrcd Mr. Ross.
The ,taid old bachelor Of the Joliet SigHd OBJ
serves that 'thc gate stealing business seems to
be played out; the young people all take an in
tercst in the gate, and stand and watch il for sew
cral hours every evening. II generally takes
two one to hold the gate, and the other TO see If
anybody is coming They are especially afraid
Of the old folks"