, 1878-08-22
Wit and Hulnor.


liam stop sbootin, .-bn3.'o L'p.'"'
An exchange say, many plant !, r0.
incd by too much soanta@ So Is ma"!
man.
TO Greece we giycoursu suja'oE blades,
now tuat butter Is only sixteen cents
pouud.-BUbsiiyt CoWsor
The woman who makcth a -ood p0d.
ding in silence is better than she who
makcth a tart rcpIy.-Iroy H1lG
The Government ought to put up a
small shed now for our standing army
to dhll under when 1t wns'-Dc'ro"
Post.
The CRATE weakness oy most people
laws in the fact that their naburs kno
them better than they kno themselves
Josh BNlings,
That man is not friend tp his race
who builds a house in which one back
door must be used by the women OF
separate famlies.-TurNerS Fa!ls Re.
porter
A Chicago man had the jim; jams the
other night aud enough snakes were found
in one of his boots to start out seven new
circuses on the road. This is reliable
81. Louis J0u1nd!.
A Virginia widow refused to marry a
bald.headed man, though he was mil
lionaire. She explained: "We'd have a
family fight sometime, and he has no hair
to catch hold Of
If Harper's drawer" may be believed,
little girl wrote to her absent papa
that Ponto Qhe puppy was growing
bigger and bigger every day, and some
times twice a day"
81 never complained Of my condition
but once" said an old man, "when my
feet were bare and | had no money to buy
shoes; but met a man without feet and
became contented."
"Tommy, do You know that your Uncle
Robert has found little boy baby on his
door step, and he is going to adopt him?"
Eyes, mamma; and he'll be Uncle Bob's
step-son, won't he"
The Detroit Free Press asks: "Are
watermeons healthy" They are not.
They are dropsical, and never attain a
"rpe oM age" seldom living over six
months.-NorIStoWn Herald.
"My DEAR" said gentleman to his
wife, "our new club is going to have all
the home comforts" 'Indeed" sneered
the wife; "and when, pray, is our home
to have all the club COmtortsp
"Sir," said a lady recently to an Aber.
deem merchant, ''your pretty daughter
has married rich husband.n "Well,o -
slowly replied the father, ~ believe she
has married rich man, but l understand
he is very poor husband"
1t will be great comfort when the
whole of this country is hundred years
old. These dribbling "Centennials, :"
after the big shower in 1876, just keep
things damp, without doing the country
any particular good.-PhjlGdeIphta BuI-
letta.
A minister travelling through the West
some years ago asked an old lady on
whom he had called what she thought Of
the doctrine of total depravity. "Oh," "
she replied, II think it is a good doc
trine, il the people would only act up
to it."
Edison proposes to construct an appa-
ratus that will receive whisper on the
first floor, and repeat it in loud tone on
the floor above. In the name of Sunday
evening callers we protest against tho in
tToduction Of an such Internal machine.
Rome Sentinel.
AN INFLEXIBLE JUDGE. 49, Beverly
Smith walked out Of cell No. 6, with the
greatest promptness, and as he ranged
before the desk and smiled, he said:
"Well, this is indeed q surprise Why,
l hadn't the remotest idea of finding you
here. Shake, old fellow"
His honor wouldn't.
"Don't you remember your old school
mate, Bev Smith," inquired the prisoner.
"Don't you remember how we used to
steal melons together-how we both went
over the milldam in an old boat-how
We read novels under the lee side of hay
stacksln
A strange light crept into his honor's
SSSS 90 iIS lSiliCu
"Ah l remember you now So you are
Bev Smith"
81 AMI am. l thought you'd re-
member me. I'm awful glad to see you,
judge. Are you welll"
"Quite well, thank you"
An awkward silence followed. Mr..
Smith heard the boys chuckling, and at
length said
"Glad to hear it-yes--yes. should
like to call on you and talk over old
times"
Beverly Smith" said the Court in a
voice resembling the distant explosion of
coal cart, you are now about to call
on the superintendent of the House of
Correction, there to remain for ninety
long days
"What! Sentence an old companion ~
"All the same, Beyerly-all the same.
The friends of my childhood are few in
number. They are falling down stairs,
being drowned, blown up and run over,
and I'm going to put you where you will
be safe from accidentm
Don't, judge!"
"But will! l prize you, Beverly
When night comes l want to know that
you are in out of the wet, and when