St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-02-15
Squibs.

Oul luc lDOuh0NS COuIullU
have been so ignorant after all, Mr..
Darwin. They were all educated in
the higher branches.
A Washington woman has applied to
be appointed IL constable, despairing of
catching man i'll any other way
Danbury NeCS.
In Hindnstan, singular to relate,
strabismus generally prevails among the
upper classes-that is to say, they all of
them have caste in their eyes.
''Say, guv'ner, Bill says the ancients
never knew what it was to be bitten by
insects. | told him I'd bet there were
Moabites in the Olden time. Amorite ?r
The proposition to issue little ten
dollar government bonds may be re-
garded as IL cheering Indication that the
times will eventually come when an
editor may become bondhOlder.
An English judge recently defined
bankruptcy as ''when Il man owes lot
of money aud lawyer and an account
ant divide his estate between them"
''What makes you walk SO strange
ly ?" an inquisitive friend asked man
with an artfully concealed artificial leg.
"Oh," replied the disabled railrOader,
"Pve slipped an eccentric, and am only
working one side"
correspondent asks what is the best
method of feeding cattle in winterP
We don't exactly know. One man
might prefer to take the OK in his lap
and feed him with spoon. Others
would bring his into the dining-roOm
and let him sit at the table with the old
folks. Tastes differ III matters of this
kind.
There is something refreshing in the
absolute astonishment that visitors in a
printing office sometimes display at the
c0mmOnest things. "What is that black
mel ?" is sometimes asked by an unso-
phisticated observer, and the Dearest
typo answers, "That is the printing
Office towel. We always stand it up in
the corner."-ETchGng
The Tribune has made the sage dis
cOvery that, if there is anything more
impudent in this world than a rascal, it
is rascal's lawyer.
A granger stood at the corner of the
street, curiOusly watching the peanut
man as he methedically turned the
crank of his rOaster. After waiting un-
til patience ceased to be virtue, the
unsophisticated tiller of the soil blurted
out, "HellO, you feller Why don't you
play suthin' 2"
"Aha !" exclaimed a man who had
been chased across forty acre pasture
by Il bull, and just escaped by the skin
of his teeth-"Now for revenge-hence-
forth eat beef only"
When Solomon, to decide the owner
ship of the child claimed by two women,
ordered it cut in two before him, wasn't
that the first recorded instance of part
ing the heir in the middle.-N. Y. Com
mereial AdUertiSer.
An Aberdeen man was telling his
symptoms-which appeared to himself
of course dreadful-to a Scotch medical
friend, who, at each new item of dis
order, exclaimed, "Charming delight
full ! Pray go ON ~ And when he had
finished the doctor said with the utmost
pleasure, "Do you know, my dear sir,
you have got a complaint which has
been for some time supposed to be ex-
tinct. [ am so glad -
Conger of Michigan, said sharp
thing to Speaker Randall the other day.
A question Of parliamentary law was
under discussion. Said Randall: You
must allow the chair to exercise little
common sense in conducting the busi-
ness of the house." 'If the chair makes
an effort in that direction, | would be
very unwilling to obstIuct him." re-
torted COnger. This reminds me of a
story told of Thaddeus Stevens. He
was practicing law in a Pennsylvania
court, and becoming disguised with the
conduct of the presiding Judge, started
abruptly to leave the court room, "Did
you intend to be guilty of showing your
contempt for this court 9' asked the
Judge. "No," replied Stevens 81 only
intended to conceal it, Graphic Wash
ington Correspondent.
A tramp walked into a Third street
bank yesterday, and, stepping up to
the counter, said, "May ask "a ques-
ton, sir 2" eyes, but be quick about
it," replied the clerk. 81 want to know
if all the greenbacks have been retired
from the circulation 2" said the tramp.
with very anxious air. sOh, no.
replied the clerk, ''there are about
45O. millions of them YETI "Thanks.
thanks" said the man, with visible
emotion. "YOu take a load off nv
mind. 1t is so long since l have seen
one that | was afraid they had all been
RETIRED" and then he slowly retired
himself.-Cin. Sat. Night.