The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1878-03-26

Beware OF the man with one book. il
he be an agent for it.
Old age comes on a pace, in harness.
and at good round gait.
All the worlds a stage and money
makes the mare go before it.
At many Of the great clothing auc-
tions there is great cry and little
wool.
The ear Of charity is as deaf as an ad.
der at work on long column of fig
ures.
The blood of the turnip is the seed
of the church in some Of the stingy in
stances.
Virtue is its own reward, but little
besides, that will buy something, is
generally quite handy.
The old hummer smelleth the bottle
from afar off when IL Is set up for Q
treat 10 the crowd.
A word spoken in due season, how
good il is when it strikes the man with
the bill just about right.
When a man slips in to get sly nip
and finds crowd Of his acquaintance
there, his first thought is, defend me
from my friends.
The fullness of a merchants store is
not indicated by the beggerly account
of empty boxes which he permits to
block the sidewalk.
How does the little busy wife i'm
prove each shining hour, and CAD
around the shops all day; at night done
out and sour.
The grinders should cease, because
they are few, and hand organ music
isn't very popular just at present, any.
how.
Remove not the ancient land
mark" pleaded the venerable tramp
when they bid him peel off and get in
TO the bath pool at the work-house.
The boy stood on the burning deck
that he had hauled from the fire, where
his father had thrown it, but the old
man yanked him off and completed the
cremation of the vile cards.
"The girls Of our day are very badly
educated" said one Of the members OF
a committee on education to the Bish-
op lof Gloucester. THAT cannot be
denied, :" retorted his lordship. How
ever, there is one consolation, the boys
will never find it out. "
"a woman's stocking" says the per-
son of the Sandusky Register who calls
himself "Moral Editor" els the best
thing IN the world TO put silver in"
That may be; but silver is by no means
the best thing in the world to put in q
woman's stocking. Oh, dear, no. A
hundred thousand times not any what
ever.
Intention is everything. He meant
to be very consoling and yet his words
must have been unpleasantly suggest
i've. The master called his colored SER
want to his side and said: "Sam, I'm
dying; I'm going on a long journey"
Sans eyes were moist, but he encour-
aged the sick man by replying: "Neb-
ber mind masser, it's all de way down
hill
While a prisoner was being searched
at police station he suddenly blurted
out: "I'll never believe in old sayings
again. whats wrong with old say
ings?" asked the captain. why,
there's one that says, Heaven helps
them that help themselves / helped
myself to a pair of pants, and now
where am /? Where is heaven? Where
is the help to get GU. o this. : They
could not tell.
A popular doctor of Utica, while es-
corting a lady home the other evening,
attempted TO relieve her cough and
sore throat by giving her a troche. He
told her to allow it to dissolve gradu-
ally in her mouth. No relief was expe-
rined the next day when the lady sent
him pantaloon button, with a note
saying he must have given her a wrong
kind of a trochs, and might need this
one.
"Did you attend church to-day as /
charged you?" inquired an old planter
in the old time, of one Of his slaves, as
he returned to his dwelling. ''Sartin,
massa," was Cudjo's reply; "an' what
two mighty big stories dat preacher did
tellr' "Hushl" Cudjo, you mnstn't
talk that way; what stories were they?"
"Why, he tells de people no man can
serve two massas-now, dis is de fust
story, cas- you see, old Cudjo serves
you, my old massa, and also young
massa John. Den de preacher says he
will lub one and hate de ODER while
de Lord knows 1 hate you boffl"