The Worthington advance., 1878-10-24
Wit and uumOr.
Getting left-The summer resorts.

money.
As wall paper comes down in the price
they 60 up on the walls.
Remmber Lots wife, and avoid letting
anything turn your head.
Would you refer to the religion OF the
printers ''devil" as imp piety9
Why Is woodpeckcr like a tramp?
Answer. Because he bores for his grub.
Dean Stanley astonlshed some Boston
ians by telling them he had never ex-
o,ored Africa
About 367 newspapers will remark that
| the Afghanistan trouble is ameer trihe.-
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Said the young mans ear to the Young
man, (quoth Brutus): Nuts l give
way and room to your rash collar2"
Counsel to witness: 'You're nice sort
of fellow, you are!' Witness: "I'd saw
the same to you, sir, on'y I'm on my
oathl'
The washer-woman's motto is ''soap on,
soap ever."--Boston Post. Some times it
Is ''slop on, slep over."-N. II. Reg.
Joint-dcbat: The one held between
the heads Of the house on whether this
piece of stove.pipe will fit that Chicago
Journal.
| There is Hell street in Taris. It is
paved IN the usual way.-Keokuk Consti-
tution. With good indentions2-Ne,o
Hduen Register.
Queen Victoria asked the king of Siam
If he would like TO oe decorated, and the
old fellow said, "Yes, if you'll take me
just as siam.'-Boston Post.
| When an artist climbs over a fence to
get nearer view Of a handsome bulldog,
he must take the chances OF his sketch
ing the dog, or the dogs ketchin him.
An Albany clergyman was recently
telling marvellous story, when his little
girl said: Nov, pop say, is that really
true, or is it just preaching2''
Some clothing was stolen recentiv
from the office OF the New London Tele-
yram. Tie editor must bave been takin
a bath at that time.-Dan;elsonuille
Sentinel.
| A widow once said to her daughter:
| "Whcn you are of my age it will be time
enough to dream OF husband' Eyes
mamma" replied the thoughtless beauty
for the secand time."
An old soldier who pridcd himself up-
on bis bravery. said he had fought in the
battle of Bull Run. When asked if he
had retreated and made good his escape,
as others did on that famous occasion, he
replied, "Be jabers. those that didn't run
are there yit!''-N. Y. Mail.
A Minnesota preacher is discoursing
On, "who is the Dsvl. Where is the
Devil and How the Devil can be Over
come" and the Detroit Free Press calls
the attention Of the Chicago Times to this
personal assault. The old, old, Storey.
Give man bad dog and hang him.
N. ?. Com. Ado.
Feathers will be universally worn this
| winter.-Fns1ion Item.--If the American
people are going to take to feathers uni
versally, they will be a tar-nation sight
| worse stuck up than ever.--Phsladelphsa
Bullet:n.--Pitch in, old boy. We shall
stick to this country, feather or no.-Cin-
snnati Saturday Night.
"Iim, " said the parson severely, esup-
pose that the Lord should coll you Just
! as an oath was on your lips2" II shouldn't
co." SAID Tim. "Ahs my friend" re-
Joined the preacher, ''you could not es-
cape. We must all submit to His will.
We cannot escape the laws of nature.'
''Then, parsoD, said Tim. "what made
you put up those lightning rods2"
Every now and then some chap writes
to a newspaper for a receipt to prevent
hair from coming out. If men would 20
home from the lodge before midnight,
with their legs sober, their nair
wouldn't come out so rapidly. Veal
ways 90 home early, and we have mors
hair now +"ar tho .av VIC were born.
A secptic, who was badgeriug simple
minded old man about a miracle and
Balaam's aas, finally said: 'How is it
possible for an ass to talk like 4 man2'
WELL replied an honest old believer
with meaning emphasis: II don't see wl,y
1t ant as easy for an ass to talk like q
man, as it is for man to talk like an
ass.''
"People who 90 into business by the
side Of men who have large business
built up in constant advertising, and
never advertise dollar, but depend upon
the drippings from the neiyhboring sane.
tuary, are like boys who 20 out to pig.
con shoot, ana try to get enough birds for
mess from those that get away from the
regular sportsmen. Such is life, and the
pot hunters often 60 hungry.-Mil,oau-
kee Sun.
We heard of case the other day where
young man applied to his employer for
short leave of absence. The employer.
having his own views of his business.
suggested, for reason, chat the young
man delay his vacation tor e few days.
I would replied, the young man, "but
the fact is am going to get married,
the day appointed, and I eoant to BE- there
aohen it comes off," He was there on time.
Boston Transcript.
An item on its way around states that
| DR.. Babcock, the inventor of the chemical
| engine, is druken outcast in Oakland,
| Cal. 1t seems that this statement is
slightly inc Hrect in several trifling par
ticulars: /. Babcock is not a doctor
2. He never was in California. 8. He is
professor Of chemistcry in Boston Med
ical college 4. He don't drink. 5.
-; but these facts are sufficient to
throw tinge of suspicion on the item
from California.
He YVES going down the street, and
when he turned bis head to look ut dog
fight, he ran slap bang into fashionable
female, whe WAS wondering how her
trail looked in large plate glass window
she was passing. The man seemed as
embarrassed as a lecturer feeling his
knife slide down his pantaloon leg
through hole in his pocket white he was