West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-01-12
How Cats are Regarded by the People
or the Bermuda Islands.
MARX Twain In Atlantic Monthly. J

ANslh IN NtiNnit MonthlNsl
AS we entered the edge of the town
(Hamilton, Bermuda Islands) that Sun
day afternoon, we stopped at cottage
10 get drink of water. The proprietor,
n middle-agcd man with good face,
asked us to sit down and rest. His
dame brought chairs, and we grouped
ourselves i'm the shade of the tree by
the door. Mr. Smith-that was not his
name, but twill neutrality-suspicious. us
about ourselves and our county, and we
answered him truthfully, rs general
thing, and questioned him i'm return. Ii
was all very simple and pleasing, and
sociable. Rural, too; for there was n
pig and n small donkey and hen
anchored out, close at hand, by cords to
their legs, on Il spot that purported tO
be grassy. Presently n woman passed
along, and although she coldly said moth
ing she changed the drift of our talk
Said Smith
"She didn't look this way you noticed ?
Well, she is our next neighbor on one
side, and there's another family that's
our next neighbors on the other side {;
but there's general coolness around
now, and we don't speak. Yet these
three families, one generation and an
other, have lived there side by side and
been as friendly as weavcrs for hun
dred and fifty years, till about n year
ago"
"Why, what calamity could have been
powerful enough TO break up so old n
friendshipW
"Well, it was too bad, but IL couldn't
be helped. IL happened like this About
n year or more ago the rats got to poster
ing my place good deal, and set n
steel trap in the back yard. Both of
these fellows run considerable TO cats,
and so ! warned them about the trap,
because their cats were pretty sociable
around here nights, and they might get
into trouble without my intending it,.
Well, they shut up their cats for while
but you know how IL il with people I;
they got careless, and sure enough one
night the trap took Mrs. Joncs's principal
tom-cat into camp, and finished him up
In the morning Mrs. Jones comes here
with the corpse in her arms, and cries
and takes on the same as If il was u
child. IL was IA cat by the name of Ycl-
verton Hector G. Yelyerton---a trouble
some old rip with no more principle
than an Injun, though you couldn't
make her believe il. ! said all man
could To comfort her, but no, nothing
would do but | must pay for him.
Finally, said ] wasn't investing in cats
now rs much as | was, and with that she
walked off in huff carrying the re-
mains with her. That closed our iuter-
course with the Joneses. Mrs. Jones
joined another church and took her
tribe with her. She said she would not
hold fellowship with assassins. Well,
by and by comes Mrs. Browns turn
she that went by here minute ago.
She had disgraceful old yellow cat
twins, and one night he tried that trap
of satisfactory that he laid down and
curled up, and stayed with II. Such
was the end of Sir John Baldwin"
"Was that the name Of tie catP
"The same. There's cats around here
with names that would surprise you
Maria (to his wife), what was that cats
name that eat IA keg Of ratsbane by mis-
take over at Hooper's, and got struck by
lightning and took the blind staggers
and fell in the we'll and was most
drowned before they could fish him outP'
"That was that colored Deacon Jack
sons cat. only remembered the last
end OF its name, which To-Be.Or-NotTo-
Be-That-Is-The-Q REORGANIZATION"
"Shoi that amt the one. That's the
one that eat up an entire box of Seidlitz
powders, and then hadn't any more
judgment than TO go and take n drink.
He was considered to be great loss, but
never could see it, Well, no matter
about the names. Mrs. Brown wanted
to be reasonable, but Mrs. Jones wouldn't
let her. She put her up TO going TO law
for damages. So to law she went, and
had the face TO claim seven shillings and
sxpence. II made n great stir. Al the
neighbors went TO court Everybody
took sides. II got hotter and hotter, and
broke up all the friendships for five hun
dred yards around-friendship that had
lasted for generations and generations.
Well, i proved by eleven witnesses
that the cat was of low character and
very ornery, and wasn't worth n can
celed postage-stamp any way, taking
the average Of cats here but ! lost the
case What could / expect. The sys-
tenn is all wrong here and is bound TO
make revolution and blOOdshed some
day. You see, they give the magistrate
n poor little starvation salary, and then
turn him loose on the public 70 gOuge
for fees and costs TO live on What is
the result2 Why, he never looks into
the justice Of a case-never once. All
he looks at is which client has the money.
So this one piled the fees and costs and
everything on % me. ] could pay
specie, don't you see? and nc knew
mighty we'll that If he put the verdict
on Mrs. Brown, where it belonged, he'd
have TO get his swag in currency"
Currency? Why, has Bermuda a
currencyP'
Yes-onions. And they were forty
per cent. discount, too, then, because
the season had been over az much "a
three months So lost my case. had
to pay for that cat. But the general
trouble the case made was the worst
thing about it. Broke up 20 much good
feeling. The neighbors don't speak to
each other now"
WHTNMr. Vanderbilt drove lady Mac
and Small Hopes on TIE Fleetwood
frook ia OsOQ fho hoet Icv,IIc f.,,,,