Daily Republican., 1878-12-05
HU MaDRlbl'n.

y fOurisheV a few years ago among IL
Q mountains in Vermont, as an invete
ate horse dealer, was ons day called al
on by an amateur Of the ''esquinine. u
search of something fast" Tn. n
suit is told as follows:
"There," said Uncle p, pointing I
: an animal in meadow below tn
!; house--"rh.re, sir, is mare yonde
who would trot her mile IN two mir
utes and thirty seconds were it not 70
one thing!'
''lnd-ed!'' cried his companion.
Yes, continued Uncle r., ''sh-
; four years old this spring, is in GOO
condition, looks we'll, aud first rat
mare
"Well, what is in" was the query
That mare resumed the jockey
''is in every way good piece Of prop
-rty. She has heavy maine, switcl
tail, trot- square and fair, and yet ther'
is only one reason why she cant go {
mile in 220.'
"What in the old Marry is it Them
cried the amateur i,npatiently.
"The distance is too great for tn.
time" was the old mans reply.
1t was about two inches past mid
night when hr went home from the
caucus. and found his wifi. sitting up
'nursing her wrath to keep it warm, -
as usual. As he entered the door a
happy thought struck him. "My
Chico dear" he said, ''io yer know
that every (hic) secon' -r time the sun
emits 'smnch haa. as thiD'l result
from the com (hic) bustion Of II, 600, E
900. 900 (hie) tons er coal Ish er
flank, my (hic) dear This starting
information didn't serm to overwh-Im
her, for she grabbed him by the ear
and fairly Kissed into that organ,
You old tool If you dor t come home
earlier at night I'll make it ten times
hotter for you than would result from
the combustion OF all the coal in the
bowels OF the earth ~ Some women
cant appreciate the wonders of astron.
omy.
The SOCIAL ScALE.--At trial in San
dusky. o., several ciiizsns were sub
p'rna-d to testify to the character and
habits of A. b., defendant. Among the
amber was an tx probate Judge OF
grave demeanor. The State. Attorney
asked this gentleman ifhe was acquaint.
ed with the defendant, and h. replied
Yes" "Are you sufficiently arquaint.
ed with the defendant to know his
general habitst' "Yes sir" "Are they
good or bad?" "Fair." "Nnw sir, do
You, before this court and jury, testify
that you are in TIE habit of associatiug
with the same kind Of company al the
tefenaantf" ''Oh, yes, associate with
all grades of company, from lawyers
up" The prosecuting attorney ds,niss
rd tn. witness with that's all "
Richmond curate was recently elo- |
lnently pleading the cause of the
ldow, says 'he Sporting and Dramatic
Ners. He drew touching picture of
The sorrows and trials and anxieties
which are the lot of women thus be,
reav-d. Picture her, then my breth-
ren," he continued, "picture her day
after day, keeping up this weary strug-
gle, possibly with no husband to advise
ner." Can this be the same curate
who, when preaching on the Prodigal
son. spoke OF the high honor done him
N Staying the fatted calf for his re.
past 7 mo ordinary calf, my brethren,
cut one which had pr-n the pet Of the
amily for years
An art critic, going into gallery in
state of mild lnebrialion TO critlcise
ome pictures, sees himself in a glass,
1ud taking out hls notebook, writes as
ollows: First room; head of drunk
'rd, no signature; has great deal of
character; red nose, remarkably truth
vi. Must be portrait from life; think
we seen that face somewhere.
Fitz Hugh Ludlow, in his narrative
If travel in the THE Heart Of the Con-
inent," tells OF an eccentric genius who
improved OH the old yarn to the effect
hat 'the weather would have been
'old5r II the thermometer had been
onger," by saying that he had been
where "lt was 80 cold that the tber-
noneter gu! down off the nail"
The lady was leaning on the arm of
n elegant and healthy young man and
eading her little daughter by the hand,
when suddenly the child cried: "Oh, >
Id, ma, look there! See tina: gentle
nan that's passing. Don't you know
im'" "No, no my child" "Why,
lamna, lie was pa last year." Ma
lints.
A witty gentleman, in speaking of a
lend who was prostrated by illness,
emarked that he could hardly recover,
nee his constitution was all gone. "If
is constitution is all gone," said a
ystander, I'll do not See how he lives
all" "Oh," responded the wag,
he lives on the by-lawsH'
An uncle recently found his neph ew
laying the violin, and the following !
its took place: Il fear, nephew, you
'se a graf deal of time with this fd-
ling" - "Sir, endeavor to keep a
me- You mean, rather, to kill
me-" No; only beat time
There would be more saloons in this
'wn," said a native, as the train
owed north through Montgomery, "if
wasn't for one thing" "And what
that!" asked the tourist. Amt
ny more houses replied the native,
ld the tourist closed his note book
nd remained absorbed in thought.
A countryman walking through New
rleans found his progress stopped by s
barricade of lumber, and he asked 4
hat it was for. "Oh, that's to stop
le yellow fever" was the reply. "Eh!