Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1878-11-28
uAUA TwAIN's car STORY.
A Good One Not in any of His COIIec-
GiOnS.


l knew by the sympathetic glow upon
his bald head-I knew by the thoughtful
look upon his face-I knew by the emo
tional flush upon the straw berry end OF
the old free liver's nose, that Simon
Wheeler's memory was busy with the
olden time. And so prepared 10 leave,
because all these were symptoms of rem
iniscence-signs that he was going to be
delivered of another of his tiresome per-
sOnal Hperiences-but was too slow: he
got the start of me. As nearly as [ can
recollect, the inf1iction was couched in the
follTging language:
"We were all boys then, and didn' t
care for nothing, and didn't have any
trouble, and didn't worry about nothing
only to shirk school, and keep up re-
vivin' state of devilment all the time.
This yah Jim Wolf was talkin' about
was the prentice, and he was the best
hearted feller, he was the most forgiVin'
and onselfsh ever see-well, there could
not be more bullier boy than he was,
take him how you would, and sorry
time.
Me and Henry was always pestering
him, and plastering horsebilIs on his
back, and putting bumble-bees in his bed,
and so on, and sometimes we'd crowd in
and bunk with him, notwithstanding his
growing, and then w'd let on to get mad
and fight across him, so as to keep him
sri o6
was, and lank, and bashful, and we was
fifteen and sixteen, and tolerabIe lazy and
worthless.
so, that night, you know, that my sis
ter Mary gave candy pullin', they start
ed US to bed early, so as the company
would have full swing, and we run in on
Jim to have some fun.
''Our winder lookt out onto the roof of
an ell, and about ten O'Clock couple of
old tom cats got to rarin' and chargin'
around it, and carryin' on like sin. There
was four inches of snow on the roof, and
it was frozen so that there was right
smart crust of ice on it, and the moon
was shining bright,an we could see them
cats like daylight. First they would stand
off and e-yow, VOW, VOW, just the same as
if they was a cussin' one another, YOU
know, and bow up their backs and push
up their tails, and swell around and spit.
then all of sudden the gray cat he'd
snatch 7aahandful of fur out of the weller
cats ham, and spin around him like the
button on a barn door. But the yaller cat
was game, and he'd come and clfnch, and
the way they'd gouge, and bite, and yowl,
and the way they'd make the fur fly was
powerful.
F'Well, Jim, he got disgusted with the
row, and Flowed he'd climb out there and
shake him off'n that roof. He hadn't
RELY no notion of doin' it, likely, but We
everlastinly dogged him, and bullyrag-
ged him, and lowed he'd always Dragged
how he would not take dare. and so on
till bime-by he highsted up the winder,
and 10 and behold you, he went-went
exactly as he was, nothin' on but shirt
and that was short. But you ought to see
him. You ought to see him creepin' ovel
that ice, and diggin' his toe nails and
finger nails in to keep from slippin', and
'bove all, you ought to seen that shirt-tail
a f1appin' in the wind, and them long, RI
diculous shanks of his a glistenin' in the
moonlight.
'"Ehem company folks were down there
under the caves, the whole squad of them
under that ornery shed Of old Washin tor
Bower vines-all sett'n round about two
dozen sassers of hot candy, which the'd
set in the snow to cool. And they was
laughin' and talkin' lively; but bless you,
they didn't know nothin' bout the pano-
rama that was goin' on over their heads
Well, jim, he went a sneakin' up unbe-
known to them cats-they was a swishfn
their tails and yOw-yOwin' and threaten.
in to clfnch, you know, and not payin'
any attentiOn-he went a sneakin' right
up to the comb of the roof, till he was il
foot and half of 'em, and then all of &
sudden he made grab for the yaller cat
But, by gosh, he missed fire and Slipped
his holt, and his heels flew up and he
Topped on his back, and shot off'n thai
roof like a dart-went a slashin' and
crashin' down through them old rusty
vines and landed right in the dead center
of them comp'ny people-sot down like {
yearthqualle in them two dozen sassers O.
red-hot candy, and let off a howl that wa
bark from the tomb! Them galls-well
they looked, you know. They see ht
wasn't dressed for company, and so they
left. All done in a second, it was just one
little war whoop and a whish! of thei
dresses, and blame the wench of 'em wa
in sight anywhere!
'FJim, he was a sight. He was gorme,
with that bilin' hot molasses candy clea1
down to his heels, and had more buste,
sassers hangin' to him than if he was al
| Injun princess-and he come prancin
up stairs just whoopin' and cussin, ant
every jump he gave he shed some china
and every squirm he fetched he droppe
some candy!
"And blistered! Why, bless your soul
| that poor cretur couldn't reely set dow1
comfortable for as much as four weeks.
Solving the tramp Question.
The only remedy for the tramp is
abolish him-utterly and forever, an
this can be easily done. The tramp is
person that roams from town to towr
| State to State, begging, stealing, robbins
assaulting women and children in tn
woods and fields, and on unfrequente
highways. We are informed that there
not tramp, at present, in the State Q
New Hampshire. A little more than
year ago, the State was over-run wit
them, so that it was not safe for woma
to go alone anywhere in the woods c
fields short and summary law Dasse