Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1878-01-10
HUMOR OF THE HOUR.

"Ou1 New Water Works. "-Ex. Well
bet cent it doesn't work as much as new
cider.-O:g CITY Derrick.
This is the season when man who wants
| to remember the poor can sit down and think
of himself the whole day long. Worcester
Press.
An Alabama man walked sixty-ive miles
10 see a circus. A man of his caliber could
MT possibly be in better business. Rochester
Democrat.
The phrase, mo removals except for
cause, and no appointments except for Mer-
ritt," appears to apply to New York.-New
York Tribune.
If some men were measured by the size of
their hearts and souls q gun patch would make
them suit of clothes, including an ulster
overcoat t-ON CITY Journal
Last week {, ,225 New Workers were arrest
ed and only 586 were born. 1t would appear
from this that New Yorkers are arrested, not
only as fast, but faster than they are born.-
Courier Journal. -.-
1t is when q dry goods clerk OF ninety
seven pounds weight attempts to help from
wagon farmers wife of 2O3 pounds weight
that the reporter seats himself contentedly on
the curb stone and waits for the catastrophe.
Rome Sentinel.
A man, however innocent he may be, is al
ways enveloped in thick cloud of damaging
circumstantial evidence when he leans up
against the hotel corner, carefully picks out
wooden toothpick, and tries to light it on
the top of glass cigar-case.- Burlington
Haa0keye. J.. es.
There were only seventy cats in Philadel-
phia's recent cat show. The other 1000, SAT
cS<tfun tho honk fonooc on6 choHo ~
nights, growing at the small amount of the
premiums offered, and discussing methods to
avert the dangers threatened by the lively
sausage season.-Norristown Herald.
When Mr.. W. D. Howells appeared upon
evening, Mr.. Mark Twain introduced him,
with the observation that lit was unnecessary
to speak of his literary reputation he was
merely there to back up the moral character
of Mr.. Howells."
"When girl gets mad and rises from
fellows knee" saysan exchange, 'but thinks
better of it and goes back again, that's what
they call relapse. And here we've been
working for dear life to keep off relapse
under the impression that it was in some way
related to cholera morbus. Sentinel.
Gas year after year rolls into the great sea
the great port of death, he becomes more and
more sadly convinced that red flannel wrap
pers will shrink in spite of the best efforts of
the washerwoman. This is why it is so diff
cult to distinguish last years wrapper from
q coral necklace. "-R0nae Sentinel.
So Gen. Grant is going down into Egypt.
All, but won't that make him homesick, and
won't it set him to thinking of John A. Lo-
gan, and Christian County, and the Macou-
pin Court House, and other Egyptian mem
ories? He will want to get right on the 1lli-
nois Central and start for Galena.-Burling-
ton Haaokeye.
A man named Bennert, who lives on West
Hill, says his great grandfather fought with
Washington. We have carefully examined
''Irving's Life" and other authorities, but we
can find no record or mention OF Washington
having had fight with man named Ben
merit, so we think our West Hill friend must
be mistaken. Burlington Hasckeye.
Talking about civil service, some one tells
of an Ohio tavern-keeper, appointed Collect
or of Internal Revenue, who got one day,
In an envelope addressed to him officially,
$500 grecnback, with slip of paper on which
was written conscience money" He put
The bill in his pocket-book without debate.
simply remarking, II always did suspect
that barkeeper. Ohio State Journal.
The Germans are using corks as stufnng
for bed coverlets, instead of down: AND
now, when the Teutonic husband rolls INTO
bed after returning from lodge meeting, ana
his wife sits on her elbow and shifts SUSPECT
ously the balmy air of night, the old gentle:
man merely puts his head into the pillow ana
remarks: "Dem champagne corg coneneIs
vas shmell awful shtrong tonight, aind H1
DAlA1