Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1878-03-08
The Model Reformer.

SoA U4AAOuSA CllC OCuiSu lllbUlu luCuUdll-
ty of reform; that, whereas, a simple
Democrat in the Legislature formerly
cost but $3.50, the reform Democrat now
holds himself stiff at $500. I cannot
fully credit this story, and though
have unlimited confidence in the state
ments OF newspapers, yet l feel as
though some error had, in this case, in
advertently got into the calculation. Al
any rate, the Iowa reformer, of whom !
wish to say a few words, is not Of the
Missouri stripe, but IS a very superior
personage-owing, no doubt, to the fact
that he was once a Republican. He is
not mercenary, he is not bigoted, he is
not for sale. Impartially judged, he is
a remarkable individual, and although
he constantly carries with him a tri-
umphant look Of extraordinary bigness
he is in fact much bigger than he looks
II a surgeon could be found of sufficient
skill to dissect a genuine reformer, he
would find enough in him to make a To-
connective engine, a threshing machine, a
No. l lawyer, a corn-popper and a bush.
whacker. He is, indeed, fearfully and
wonderfully wrought!
Authentic history first found him
training under the banner of Horace
Greeley, and his chief vociferating lusti-
ly against drunkenness and nepotism al
the White House and all dishonesty
and corruption in Congress, laboring fol
civil service reform, and last and noblest
of all, demanding immediate resumption
OF specie payments, with arguments by
Philip sober that Philip drunk can new.
er answer.
November came Greeley was defeat
ed, his forces were cattered and oul
reformer was out of a job, and retired
to winter quarters. But Congress had
compassion on him and set him up in
business with a good stock in trade, by
passing the salary law increasing the
pay Of members and giving them add.
tional back pay. Upon this stock the
reformer did a thriving business, and
with some little side transactions in
Credit Mobilier and the Rankin defalca-
ton, he managed to do a most excellent
years work and also to correct many
crying evils in the county management
to reduce salaries, curtail expenses
and purify the air around the Court
House. Here he was for purity, fol
honest money, for resumption, for cheap
money and for low taxes.
These were the days of his real glory
days to be proud Of and that will
stand to his credit forever, whatever va
carries he may subsequently, indulge in.
or whatever fip-fops he may make in
his dotage.
Thus our reformer drew about him
his mantle of simplicity, economy, care
and prudence, and retired, one night, to
rest, like an innocent grub; but in the
morning nothing was visible of his
earth-born grub state, but, like a gaudy
butterfy,-all wings and no body,-he
sailed in upon us a transformed being.
Discarding everything tangible, material
and real in finance, his gaze only sky
ward, he struck out right and left for a
money without value and a currency
without foundation. With a heartless-
ness that should make the bones of
Horace Greeley quake in their coffin, he
went back on specie resumption and de-
nounced it, and denounced everybody
who didn't denOunce it. His conversion
was as sudden as hat of Paul; and the
things he once loved now he hated, and
what he once hated now he loved. In
fation was his song by day and his
dream by night; imitation, with it's inev-
table train of confusion and derange-
ment, its extravaganza and increased
expenses and high taxes and dear inter
est, and all the corruption an immoral
financial policy engenders.
Perhaps the most remarkable feature
of this reign of the Kites was the extra
ordinary facility with which men with a
reform turn of mind acquired knowl-
edge. Many a good man who on Mon
day depended on his boy or his hired
man to figure how much his hogs came
to at five and a quarter cents per pound,
on Thursday was writing essays on po-
litical economy.
In these days men who believed in gold
and silver were first called "~bullionists'
and "Shylocks' and vampires And
thus things were moving on at a high
speed, the apostles of the new gospel
winning souls and making proselytes of
such as would be saved-from paying a
hundred cents on a dollar of their hon
est debts-when suddenly a few great
men on the Pacific slope discovered that
they had a score or so of mountains of
solid silver, and they whispered across
the continent to Brothers Phillips,
Cooper and the other ~millionaires, that
we could initiate with silver easier than
with paper, and deep answered unto
deep and the Eastern capitalists said
agreed, and our reformer, who has long
ears-like a rabbit-heard the good It'd
ings and echoed agreed, and the next
time he appeared in public he was
astride the silver hobby and riding like
mad. and singing as he rode to the ring
of the silver dollar a paraphase on the
poor "Old Oaken Bucket" and Hold
the Fort and In Linden, when the
sun was low"
Nobody that saw him now, without
his skull cap, could mistrust that he was
the same being that only day before yes
terday was using such conclusive argu-
ments in favor Of a currency founded
only on the credit of the government,
and demanding that it be wholly divorc-
ed from all metallic basis, But it is the
same being. You may know him by his
confident air, and by the p%ositiveness
with which he asserts his new-found re-
ligion. And, it was at this time that the
advocates of stability, uniformity and
simplicity in finance were called Gold
ties" "Gold-bugs' and Gold kings"
Well, the silver bill has become a law,
and with only such restrictions as are
necessary to prevent the immediate to-
tai destruction of the creditor class,
though it wounds them severely; but
even these restrictions our reformer can
not abide, and so he has gone back to
his greenbacks, as a dog returns to his
vOmit, and as a SOW that was only half
washed to her wallowings in the mire.
And now he is more vapory and wild
than ever. No wonder; the contradicto-
ny positions he has occupied, the strange
vicissitudes through which he has pass
ed, the sharp corners he has turned, and
his giddy somersaults would have bro
ken the neck of Blondin and upset the
brain of Socrates. 1t is possible hat
God knows which way the reformer will
turn and where he will sprout next, but
it is far above human ken and human
calulation. At least, so it looks at this
present writing.
Before closing, l am pleased to ex-
press my obligations to "Quilp, who, l
understand, is Byron, the intelligent
Winthrop correspondent of the COaser-
for his agreeable historical sketch
Of INV onooctor onJ T om b;rb1v rr.ti