The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1878-04-05
MalaprOpoS.

/ IN Jne matter Oh MI. N'ASceS- 'S@A-N-
she was Mrs. Cheese And / expatiated
to the member for Marylebone, Lord
Fermey-geDerally conceiving him to be
an Irish member-ou the contemplate
character of the Marylebone constituency
and Marylebone representatives. g" Two
such mishaps in one evening were enough
to reduce the most brilliant talker to the
condition of the three +" insides' Of the
London-bound coach, who beguiled the
tedium of the journey from Southamp-
ton by discussing the dement's of William
Cobbett, until one of the party went so
far as to assert that the object of their
denudciations was a domestic tyrant,
| given to beating his wife; when, much e
his dismay, the solitary lady passengel,
who had Hitherto sat silent listener, = 9
marked: Pardon me, sir; a kinder
husband and father never breathed and l
ought to know, for / am William Cob
belts wife 7"
Mr.. Giles, of Virginia, and Judge
Duval, of Maryland, members of congress
during Washington's administration,
boarded at the house of a Mrs. Gibbon,
whose daughters were well on in years,
and remarkable for talkativeness. When
Jefferson became president, Duval was
comptroller of the treasury, and Giles a
senator. Meeting one day in Washington,
they fell to chatting over old times, and
the senator asked the comptroller if he
knew what had become of that cackling
old maid, Jenny Gibbon." " She is Mrs |
DuvaI, sir, was the unexpected reply. |
Giles did not attempt to mend matters, as |
a certain Mr.. Tuberville unwisely did. |
This unhappy blunderer resembled the
Irish gentleman who complained that he
could not open his mouth without putting |
his foot in it. Happening to observe to
fellow guest at Dunraven castle, that the |
lady who had sat at his right hand at |
dinner was the ugliest woman he had |
ever beheld, the person addressed ex-
pressed his regret that he should think
his wife so ili-looking. {" have made
mistake, " said the borrifed Tuberville
81 meant the lady who sat on
my left" &" Well, sir, she is my
sister" was the response to the
well-intentioned fib; bringing from the
desperate connoisseur of beauty the frank
avowal: at can't be helped, sir, then;
for if what you say be true, l confess 1
never saw such an ugly family in the
course OF my life"
An honest expression OF opinion, per-
haps not so easily forgiven by the in
dividual concerned, was that wrung
from Mark Twain. who, standing right
before young lady in Parisian public
garden, cried out TO his friend "Dan,
Just look at this girl; how beautiful she
is ?" to ba rebuked by this girl" saying
in excellent English: " thank you
more for the evident sincerity of tbs.
compliment, sir, than for the extra
ordinary publicity you hare given it,"
Mark took walk, but did not feel just
comfortable for some time afterwards
one of the humorist's countrymen !
made much more serious blunder. He
was a married man. Going into the
kitchen one day, pair Of soft hands
were thrown over his eyes, a kiss was
imprinted on his cheek. He returned
the salute with interest, and as he gently
diseugaged the hands of his fair assailant,
asked: "'Mary, darling, where is the mis-
tress!'' and found his answer in
an indignant wife's face Mary
darling had gone out for the day, ard
the lady of the house intended by her
ahectionate greeting to give her lord a
pleasant surprise. He got his surprise
whether he thought it a pleasant one he
never divulged, but that kitchen knew
Mary no more.
After doing his Office for young cou,
pie, clergyman was inveigled into pro.
posing the health of the bride and
bridegroom at the wedding breakfast !
lie wound up a neat little speech ~
expressing the hope that the result OF tie
union of the happy pair might prove
strictly analogous to that of the brides
honored parents. The groom looked
angry, the bride went into hysterice, the
bridesmaids blushed and became inter
ested in the pattern of the carpet, the
master of the house blew his nose with
extraordinary violence, and the speaker
sat down wondering at the effect he had
created; till his better-informed neighbor
whispered that the lady was not the
daughter of the host and hostess, but
niece who had come TO live with them
when her mother and father were
divorced.
When a note was handed 10 DR..
Fletcher in his pulpit intimating that
the presence of medical gentleman,
supposed to be in the church, was
urgently required elsewhere, the preacher
read the letter cut, and as the doctor was
making for the door, fervently eiaculs-
ted: " May the Lord have mercy on
bis patient
An unpleasant way OF putting the
thing was innocently adopted by the
New York car driver, who, blissfully
ignorant that his interlocutor was Mr.
Beecher, replied to that gentleman
query whether be did not think it posi-,
bic to dispense with running the cars all
dav on Sunday: Yes. sir, | do oue
there's no hope for it so long as they Keep
that Beecher theatre open in Brooziyn
the cars have to run to accommodate
| that"
An American newspaper says: lDe
enthusiastic choir master adopted Hoiu
the Fort as a professional hymn mas
been dismissed by the minister, "no
considered it personal when the cnoii
| burst forth:
See the mighty host advancing
| satan leading onl -"
| o... rTo;,. onH GIaverV.