Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1878-02-22
HITS AND MISSES.

YES" said the old reprobate; II always
recognize water when see tit looks Just
like gin
When the wind blows on Mt. Washington
the only way you can keep your hat ON your
head is TO take it of and sit down on it,
Boiling hair in a solution of tea will dark
en- it," says an exchange, but some folks
don't like to have their tea darkencd in that
way.
Some men bear up under misfortune-oth-
ers beer up. The former overcome adversi-
ty, while the latter are overcome by IT, That's
the difference.
An ostray paragraph observes: Nothing
in this world but a mules leg springs up
spontaneously. and every man must build his
own road to success
He was from the country. and he came to
town for the first time. As he looked at the
telegraph wires he said why do you make
your wire fences so high =
Girls, whose opinion about such things is
always valuable. say that there is too much
shirt collar and too little young man in the
present fashions to suit their taste
George Francis Train is now living on one
piece of dried apple per day. He eats it for
breakfast, drinks a pint of tepid water for
dinner, and swells up for supper Boston
Post
lady wished a seat A portly gentleman
brought one and seated the lady 30. you
are a Jewell" 80 no." he replied. howing
low. Il am ieweller have just set the
! jewel"
DO they miss You at home Z" he asked, as
She folded and put away letter she had just
received from her mother. Never she an
swered; they call me Sis. - B0st0H IrdH-
script.
Woman" says a Western female on the
lecture platform, wants bread, not the bal
| lot" However. if she were really compelled
| to choose between the two She would proba-
! bly, take now bonnet - worcester Pros.
A girl WHO will sit with fellow all night on
| the stairs at a ball. with no clothes on above
| her waist worth speaking of. would faint dead
| away if the same fellow were to meet her ON
the stairs, mutll Il from head TO foot in three
| night-gowus Curious isn't it 2: Phihd6lDiid
| Buiietin.
One by one all the comforts Of this life are
taken away from the toiling millions. 1t used
! to be n great consolation for us to think in
! our poverty that none of our rich neighhors
| could ever get TO Heaven. Now, alas We are
assured that there is no place else for them to
! 90. Oh, woful times Oh, wrctchod harsh
and inconsiderate world burlington Hdrk-
! eye.
A clergyman was preparing his sermon for
| Sunday, stopping occasionally to review what
he had written and to erase that which he was
disposed to disapprove, when he was accosted
by his little son Father. does God tell you
what to preach = Certainly my child.
Then what makes You scratch it OUT
VI. Romicn occupied second story Of a
/ house on the Boulevard des Capucincs: on
the first story, lady before going to chur,
put her vase of gold fish in the balcony to oi,-
Joy the sun; Romion took q line, caught al
the fish, fried them beautifully. covered them
on sheet of paper, let them down on the
balcony with the note, consequences of be-
ing exposed to the sun
Two Germans, fresh from Cincinnati. Wis
tied New York, and one. well acquainted with
the city, invited his friend to Dclmonico's.
where "A dinner for two and bottle of wine
were ordered. The place and fare were prais-
ed until the bill of 81 was presented. This
they considered an oXtortion. They paid,
however, and while walking down Broadway
the excited German commenced to swear al
the supposed eXtortion. His friend then said
DO not shwear. Yaw,ob. 1t is wicked tC
shwear God has punished dot man Delmon
leo" How; - Il have mine pocket full init
spoons"
The other evening sprightly little CIR
about seven years old entered "A store OF
Woodward avenue. and after cousiderabl,
hesitation. she whsperingly inquired of {
clerk. do you keep nursing bottles here 2
1--WE do" he answered, and exhibiting two
or three different styles he asked which sh'
preferred. As she was looking them over h,
remarked ITS for your little brother, sup
pose = Yes sir, it is she stifily answered
You didn't think it was for my son. did You ::
Her indignant look haunts him still. - DCtroj
Fra Press.