Connecticut western news., 1878-08-22
WIT AND WISDOM.

Lost at sea--The sight of land.
 A strapping fellow-The barber.
 -.Tngratitude is treason to mankind.
 A regular attendant at the club--A policeman.
 How i'll white hairs become fool and jester.
 Better days are coming, and they will please hurry up.
 All history is but romance, unless it is studied as an example.
 All honest men will bear watching. It is the rascals who cannot stand it.
 A habitation giddy and unsure hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart.
 All that is wise has been thought already; we must try, however, to think it again. Be calm in arguing, for ferceness makes error guilt and truth discour- teous.
 We know accurately only when we know little; with knowledge doubt in- creases.
 Man believes himself always greater than he is, and is esteemed less than he is worth.
 -"My love for you is as warm as St. Louis," is the way Michigan lover writes.
 A Western editor returned tailor's bill. indorsed, Declined 1; handwriting illegibIe."  Every good deed that we do is not only present pleasure, but prop for | the future.
 We deserve to be well lashed for asking such question, but what made the cowhide?
 It is difficult to say who do you the most mischief enemies with the worst | intentions or friends with the best.
 Red used on a railway signifies danger, and says Stop" It is the same thing displayed on mans nose. -"How greedy you are ]" said one little girl to another who had taken the best apple in the dish; "I was going to take that"
 The virtue of man ought to be measured, not by his extraordinary ex- ertion, but by his everyday conduct.
 A Cincinnati divine honestly ex- plains: 1T don't believe in horse racing, but then do so hate to have any one pass me on the road" l-
 A friend of ours doubted his ability to climb picket-fence, but one growl from dog gave him the necessary con- fdence, enterprise, and alacrity. | We have just been thinking how language came into the world. It was during Adam and Eve's first quarrel, when one word brought on another.
 -"No," replied Mrs. Malaprop, slow ly, CT can't say that ever was in Dublin, but my mother has second cousin called Irish who dealt in cork; so there !"
 -"How is it, Miss, you gave your age to the census .taker as only twenty five, when you were born the same year I was, and I am thlrty-nine?" "Ah l you have lived much faster than l, sir
 -"There," said the nurse, contempt uously, "that's what they call i've cents worth of milk. If the COW only knew it."-(Loses herself in mazes of speculation concerning political econ- omy).
 A lady was asked to join one of the divisions of the Daughters of Temper anee. She replied: "This is unneces- sary, as it is my intention to join one of the sons in the course of few weeks" | "A gentleman who recently travelled over a notoriously slow branch railroad declared that it is the safest road in the country, as the superintendent keeps boy running ahead of the train to drive off the COWS and sheep.
 Every now and then some chap writes to newspaper for a receipt to prevent hair from coming out If men would go home from the lodge before midnight, with their legs sober, their hair wouldn't come out so rapidly. We always go home early, and we have more hair now than the day we were born. A good old farmer found himself one day with his boy at the further end of the row when the dinner-bel sound ed. Anxious to make every step count, he commenced to hoe his way back, say ing to the boy as he didso, "Thomas, do you ever think about dyingP" Yes, !" said Tom, "I think I shall die pretty soon if I don't have some dinner" .
 "A young man made his appearance at Deadwood last week in apair of white trousers. He was promptly escorted to the cars, put on board of them and an injunction placed upon him never to revisit the place. "We can stand , billed shirt, you know," a miner exclsim- ed, ssbut when it comes to wearin' billed drawers we just make them git up and cit