The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-07-26
WIT AND HUNoR.

How TO acquire shorthand Fool
around buzz saw.
The sweat of mans brow comes
easier than his daily bread.
In the case of broken phonograph,
the least said is soonest mended.
There is no humble bee but can be
distinguished when you sit down on
him.
A YOUNG man who is much given to
athletic sports would like to know when
the much-talked.ot Anglo-Saxon race is
to come off,
GEN. PLEAS 1NToN appears to have de-
parted entirely from pnblic notice.
"Blue be the glass above thee, friend of
our early days"
How SHALL we treat the tramps p
asks the New York Sun. Oh, well, if
you are going to fraternize with them in
that way, we believe they generally take
straight whisky.
A p LIrICAL speaker accused rival of
"unfathomable meanness," and then,
rising to the occasion, said: 90, warn him
not to persist In his disgraceful course.
or he'll find that two of us can play at
that game"
| SINCE Mr.. Ellison has started out in
earnest on hunt after noises, suffer-
ing world will appeal to him to turn his
attention te the back yard cat problem
as soon as he shall have finished with the
elevated rallwoy.
AT the depot, the other day, q young
man put his head out of the car window
to kiss his girl good-by, when the train
pulled out so rapidly that he kissed an
old African female at the ne xt station
JonesborO NeWs.
On the day that Barnum's circus per-
formed a while ago at Meriden, CT,
six monkeys escaped from his menag-
erie, and only one OF them has been
caught. The other five are starting
newspapers up and down the country.
IRATE passenger-"Dciver, why in
thunder don't you whip up your
horsesa" Driver" Well, you see, sir,
my dogs gettin' fat, and he's follerin'
behind. Exercise does him good: butif
[ drive too fast he can't keep up with
us. "-Puck.
THE seething summer days have come,
4 he sultriest OF the year.
When mortals urn from gin and rum
To lemonade and beer;
When apple women seek and fat,
plague to nor rich,
Consplre to keep or fee ings at
The cholera-norbus pitch.
THE following notice is posted verba-
tim by Frenchman in Peacham, VT,
as warning to persons inclined to tres
pass on bis premises
One mans come on my place, fish;
Ore mans C me my place trap;
One mans come on my place, hunt;
ien dollars ose for him.
A JOHN BULL, conversing with Cam
adam Indian. asked him If he knew that
the sun never sets on the Queens
dominions. "No," said the Indian.
" Do you know the reason whyl" asked
John. Because heaven is afraid to
trust an Euglishman in the dark" was
the savage's reply.
GEORGE" she said to the perspiring
young man, 81 love YOU Just the same,
but, as our city relatives are coming
next week, mother thinks you'd better
stay away, because your long hair and
freckled face might make them think
that our acquaintances weren't very
heightened" The young man is staying
away.
MAsTER-"You say Alfred the Great
WAS very excellent King, and did much
good for his subjects; now give me an
instance of his good deeds" Small boy
,jast recovered from bilious attack
and the paternal wrath) -" Please, sir.
he burned some nasty, unwholesome
cakes that would have made the shep-
herd lip.
WHO ever saw rope walk ?-Rome
Sentinel. Who ever saw horse fya-
At6dny Argus Who ever saw a cat
fish p Yonkers Gazette. Who ever saw
tree toed p Hnckcnsack Republican.
Who ever saw milk made ?-P T. Man.
Who ever saw lamb chop ?-BaitimOre
Sun. Who ever saw an onion peel, or
corn "crib, or AN apple pairing?
CT AROSE at 6 this morning, and see
what found in taking walk on the
highway" said the fond father, display
ing silver dollar; :" is that not proof of
the advisabihty of early rising p" "No,"
replied the son. "And why ?" asked
the father, just as people always do in
fables and Sunday-school stories.
Because the fellow who lost it," bold
ly replied the son, "got up too early for
his own good"
YoNKERs had Fourth of July orator.
who said: And while the heart Of the
nation continues to throb, while the hol-
lyhock of liberty dissimulates it's fra
GRANGE over the aria of our domain, while
the gratitude of the free-born tons of
soil mean sons of toil-recaIs the
heroism of those who bought and fled =
excuse me, should have said fought
and bled-for us. so long will we cher
ish the noble heresy bequeathed to us by
our patriotic posterity."
SOME of the "poor white" families of
the far West become exceedingly
toughened by their exposures and hard
ships. A lady travelling among them
took shelter in hut during q rain
storm, and one of the barefooted daugh-.
tiers of the family coming in, who had
been hunting for the cows, stood on the
hearth to dry her clothes, to whom her
mother said: 80 i, there's live coal
under your foot !" The girl, whose
soles were az hard as horn, merelytnrned
her head and drawled out: (which
foot NANNY" -