The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-03-30
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

ysers have got to Timothy. Is this suggestive
of their ultimately going to grass? Hay?
viii the director of the minis be pleased 10
I.inderman n few of those new dollars - " 0fftS-
Ter Press.
In point of obduracy there isn't much choice
between an agricultural Republican OF the Gran
tie Hills and Kentucky mule.
Turner's Falls Reporter: Mcanncss sometimes
makes saint Some men are good only because
Il costs money to be wicked.
George Francis Train is now living on one
piece of dried apple a day. We arc interested III
his swcll-fare. -Grdph'c.
A Pennsylvania tramp accepted a job to saw
two cords of wood, and did it in good style. The
Mauch Chuncl miracle will have to take a back
seat.
The incorrigiblc says there is not much differ
ence between an aurist and an oculist, when one
is 4 near and the other nigh doctor.
careless printer made a dancing masters
card read: II offer my respectful shanks to all
who have honored me with their patronage"
A Georgia negro has a foot twenty three inches
long.-N Y. HerdH. AS twcnty-four inches
make two feet, we suppose his other foot is only
an inch long-St. Louis Rcp.
The tallest man in the country isJohn Farwell,
of Houston, Texas, who measures seven feet, six
inches, in his bare feet. He must be the idcnti-
cal "Farwell, long Farwcll" mentioned by old
friend Shake.
paper recently published the following item;
"a deaf man, named Taft, was run down by a
passenger train and killed on Wednesday morn
ing. He was injured in a similar manner about
year ago"
It has been discovered that lager beer is a GER
tain remedy for corns. The usual method Of ap-
plying the remedy is to let it soak into the corn
from the inside of the foot.
II has been conclusivcy proved at last that to
accumulate 100000 and then leave it by will
TO any one but those who are living in cXpecta-
ton of it is evidence of insanity.
news item says that an English traveller in
the Holy Land has discovered Jacobs well. The
Oil City Derrick says: 1--WE are glad to hear it,.
rumor has been ahoat for some time that Jacob
was dead"
The latest argument for paper money is taken
from the fact that it is doubled up when you put
it in your pocket and you find it in crcases when
you take 1t out.
The Rev Joseph Cook says that "Darwin's n.y.
pothesis OF pan genesis involves several untenablc
subsidiary hypothesis" Very few persons sup
posed it was as bad as that.-Norr. Herald.
Here's more distress for loving husbands with
notes coming due. fashion paper announces
that 'thc coming bonnet is a capote of shirrcd
silk with tullc cap under it."
An Oregon preacher said in his sermon,
"Whcn the disciples came unto the tomb Of Je-
sus they found the door guarded by three Roman
angels with improved Springfield rifles and liz
ed bayoncts"
The sequel to that beautiful song by Eugene
Field "Greasc the Grddle, Birdie, Darling" is
Just out. We have only room for one stanza:
Scratch my back, oh brown-eyed Mabel,
Throw the huckwheat Hour away;
Scratch as long as you are able.
Harder; stronger; that's the way.
Somewhat higher; little lower;
Closer to the shoulder blade;
Dig!! Good heavens, 90 it slower.
Murdcr Thunder! Come, that's played.
Huntington Harkcyc.
Bishop Clark, of Rhode Island, inquiries in the
n. Y Lcigr, ''What is it that makes people
pOorY' The non possession OF money and all
kinds of property is the best answer we can think
paper in u country town will bring the answer
with lightninglike rapdity, also.-N0jristo,cH
H1uld
western mar, recently visiting Vermont, was
shown some bccchnuts, Of which he procured
quantity for a friend in his native state. On re-
ocying the same, his friend returned thanks, and
declared that vermont must DC Il tall one on
buckwhcat."
The following specimen verses are from
twenty-siX stanza dyl in the Canton On. " Re-
positorH "by an inspired young fellow who has
been wrought up by the first bright beams OF the
springs warm SUM-
She leaned aloan upon the fence,
And then she hove asy,
And for his footsteps down the lain
She waited patiently.
Aud presently he came TO view,
And then she yelled yell;
y heavenly howl of joy she howlcd,
And her bosom swellcd a swell.
The following little incident shows the impor.
lance Of always keeping a revolver in your mon
cy drawer:
A servant Of cotton broker in Savannah de-
tcrmincd 10 commit suicide, and hunted around
for a revolver, but found a roll Of Sl21 in the
drawer instead, which he rchypOthecatcd and be-
'tllt tA'tNulHBlN uIuhh lll'liNl. lie - now III
jail, and both lie and the broker wish there had
been pistol in the drawer,
WILLIAM And SUSAN.
As William drew his Susy near
He whispered TO his bride;
Though queer it sounds, love, my DEAR
To live by SuSy's side" -Enrbu,gc.
When years have passed and Sue his head
Has clutched, as wives oft do
Poor VIII will wish that hc had wed
Some other sort Of Sioux. --BpSoH G'u't.
Perhaps Ills Susan's wish and will
That ere she a bride,
This drunken, brawling, worthless Bill
Had died by Sucys side. y. !. HuA
Therc are in the United States several nilons
Of pe3ple who cannot read their bibles. This is
shown by the census returns. There are exactly
ten times as many who can read them and do