Weekly Trinity journal., 1878-01-19
THE KING OF SMOKERS.

terdam a certain Mynheer Van Klaes, to
whom is certainly due the title Of THE
King of Smokers" To gain this distinc-
tion in the great nation of puf1ers must
require almost superhuman powers and
a love for the Indian weed that passes hui
man understanding. But Van Klaes was
ever superior to the emergency. 1t took
no effort on his part to gain the smoky
crown and wear it while he lived. He
did not even die young, as we might have
anticipated from his immoderate use of
the weed, but both enjoyed life and smolx-
ing until he had passed his eighty-frst
birth day.
During the long vista of smoky years
in which he revelled in his pipe, Van
Klaes consumed four tons of tobacco,
well wetted down by 500, 900 quarts of ale
which he drank-not 10 mention Schie-
dam schnapps and other national bever-
ages.
In Mynheer's house was a sumptuous
apartment, entirely devoted to pipes and
tobacco. Every variety of the fragrant
weed, sown on the earths surface was TO
be found there, in the plug, cut up or
shredded cigars, cigarettes and cigaril-
las were grouped about in tasteful display.
But, above all, Mynheer's pipes first riv-
eted the visitors eye. In this choice col
lection every branch or variety of the
pipe family had its representative one
could trace the whole evolution of the
race, from the clumsy bowl and thick
stem of Sir Walter Raleigh IS clay, to the
lovely carved meerschaum from Trobiz-
ond.
In this temple of tobacco the veteran
would sit putting prodigious volumes Of
smoke from his well filed pipe only paus-
ing now and then to wet his thirsty lips
with drink of ale. 1t is said that his
last rejecting breath was borne from his
lileless body on acloud offragrant smoke.
A few hours lefore his death, Van
Klaes called fora notary to make his will.
Pulling vigorously, and after taking a
puff at this Schiedam, Mynheer gave pre-
else directions for the performances of his
obsequies. In the first place, his coffin
was to be thoroughly lined with the tops,
bottoms and sides of boxes that had con-
tained his iavorite cigars then bladder
of the finest dry-cut Dutch golden leaf
was to be placed at his feet. Most i'm
portant Of all, bis iavorite pipe must be
laid by his side. A firm conviction that
his soul was not going to dwell in those
atitudes where fire is always sure to be
close at hand, caused Myrhoer to direct
his executor to place Il box of matches by
his side, and with great foresight, he also
desired that a flint and steel should be
added, as by some unforeseen occurrences
the matches might dampen before they
would be wanted.
Having thus attended to his personal
wants in the next world, Var Knes de-
| sired that the smokers in the neighbor-
hood should be invited to his funeral,
. each one to be presented with ten pounds
vot tobacco ana two pipes stamped with
the name and arms OF Van Klaes, to-
gether with the date of the donors de-
mise. These guests were to be admonish-
ed to keep their pipes lighted during
service and to scatter ashes on the coffin
as it was being consigned to mother earth.
The poor Of the vicinity who observed
these instructions faithfully were to be
presented on the anniversary Of Myn-
heer's death with ten pounds Of tobacco
and frkn Of ale apiece. After these
items were arranged to his liking Myn-
heer smoked his last breath, constant to
the last, and certainly deserving to be i'm
mortalized as the greatest smoker since
the food"