South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-09-06
WIT AND IIUsIoR.

WIT AND NOR.
1E"Why didn't you put on clean
collar before you left homer" called out
an impertincnt young fop 10 an omnibus
driver. Cause your mother hadn't
sent homo my washing" was the extin.
gushing reply
IV"How can coom?"-"Ven first
como To Filadelfy to serve. I was unci.
VIII" said Katrina. now tidy servant in
respectable family; II laugh mooch.
and feel ashamed TO remember how
behave ven know so little. Shon-tat
vas my beau-Shon, he took me to that
teater one night. ven be hi Filadclfy
tree weeks. We sit in te gallery, and
we not see goot. and Shon said he would
get peter seat. So he puts his leo
round der post, and slides down nit dor
pit, and looks up and calls out Karine
Karine COON down fish good place
here J. and l lean over and said IL
How can COON down, Shon? aud he
said, '.Shust slide down. So puts mv
legs round der pillar. and slides down.
Dun!er! how the people laugh! Dey
laugh so dey play no more dat nigh.
upon te stage. Everybody laugh and
yell, and whistle all over the house.
vas much ashamed den, though I knew
not any harm. But now 1 pushes red
very time thinks NIT it,
t-0"l don't care much Cor q quiet ba.
by, but dote on a squalling one" said
an old bachelor. ''Why, how strange :"
admiringly chorused all the mothers
present. "Not at ALL" responded the
bachelor, because, you see, rs soon as
child begins to squall, it's always ia
ken from the roomr'
E0TA girl of Irish descent, bnt reared
IN Vermont, was rcbuked by the lady
with whom she was living for her pro-
pensity to ask questions. Closing the
rebuke, the lady remarked, You beat
the Jews at asking questions" When
true to her nature, the girl rejoincd,
DO the Jews ask many questons?"
sSrAn Irish girl was ordered to hang
the wash-clothes on the horse in the
kitchen to dry. Her mistress, shortly
after found very gentle horse standing
III the kitchen, completely covered with
the articles that had been washed that
day. Upon interrogating the girl, the
reply was Och to be sure, We told
me to hang the clothes upon the horse in
the kitchen, and the haste is the kindest /
ever saw, sure
a PROFITABLE BOARDER -"What
do you charge for board?" asked tall
Green Mountain boy. rs he walked up
to tho bar Of q second.rate hotel in New
York; "what do you ask week for
board and lodging?"
Five dollars"
Five dollars that's too much, but
s'pose you allow for the times / am alb
sent from dinner and supper2"
Certainly thirty seven and half cents
each.'
Here the conversation ended, and the
Yankee took up his quarters for two
weeks. During this time lie lodged and
breakiasted at the hotel, but did not
take either dinner or supper, saying his
business detained him in another portion
of the town. At the expiration of two
weeks he again walked to the bar and
said:
"S'pose we settle that account-Fm
going in a few minutes
The landlord handed linn his bill
Two weeks board at five dollars-ten
dollars"
Hero stranger" said the Yankee,
this is wrong-you've not deducted the
time i was absent from dinner and sup
per-14 days, two meals per day; 28
meals at 81 cents each-Sl0 90. If
you've not got the fifty cents that is due
to me. / II take drink and the balance
in cigars"
a gentleman who recently travlel o.
yer VIGOROUSLY slow branch railroad
declared that it is the safest read in
the country, as the superintendent keeps
a boy running ahead OF the train to
drive Off The COWS and sheep.
nVA kind father Of Southboro'.
Mass, man we'll 10 do, took his sick
son to doctor last week, and told him
if he could cure the boy for less than the
cost OF funeral to go ahead, but if he
couldn't the youth must take his chan
cCs.