St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-11-29
SQuibS,

n hO" SiuSCi ,1uob duuOuuC0u is d MI.
Fish, or as he will be billed, Signor
Fichi. He is probably bass.
William M. Evarts' mouth will hold
four yards of the English language
without crOwding.-BoStOn Post.
History has no hero who is admired
by the average boy so much as the man
who spits at mark through his teeth.
I-ROckland Courier.
Sometimes the services of civil en-
gineer are cheap at twice the money.
A Henderson county farmer worked
four days last week digging ditch to
dlain a bit of low meadow of his own
into a big pond on another mans farm.
And when the ditch was opened the
pond just walked right into the mead
ow and located about twenty acres of
swamp, right where the hay used to
grow. And the farmer was just the
maddest man.-Burlington HaaUkeye.
"What is a hog?" "a hog splts all
over the floor of store, Office or car
he also wants the stamp clerk at the
post office to wait on him first. That's
the way you tell hog from pig.n--
Detroit Natural History.
The Boston Advertiser wants to know
lIC why tlcIc is uO plCdSuTe Ill
smoking in the dark. We will give the
reason if the Advertiser will promise
not to tell. 1t is because one cannot
enjoy smoke until he has a light
LO1UeU Courier.
There is poem in the November
Atlantic that starts off by saying,
''There came three queens from heaven"
Never do you believe it we'll bet you
Il thousand dollars one of them was
dealt to him, and he pulled the other
two out of his boOt.-Burlingto Haauk-
eye.
An English scientist says the bee
must visit 2,500,000 clover blossoms in
order to obtain one pound of honey
from that source. The mum Der of times
the bee plunges his redhot harpoon into
barefOOted boys while gathering this
amount OF honey is not stated. There
are some problems too deep for science.
-NOrriStO,0n Herald
The Inter-Ocean denies the PhiladeI-
phia Ledger's assertion that Miss Mary
Miller, Mr.. Webb c. Hayes's atfianced,
''bangs" her hair, and saws, IAN editor
that would thus deliberately charge an
innocent and beautiful maiden with cul-
tivating idiot fringe should be compell-
ed to marry girl with 'banged' hair
himself, and be forever reminded of a
calf looking through hedge"
young bride, momentarily expect
ing the return of her husband, was
handed telegraph despatch, which so
excited her that, without having
strength to break the envelope, she
tainted away. Upon recovering she
found her husband seated beside her.
''Oh, Alick ~ were her first words. 'T
thought you had fallen down and cut
your thToat with one of those horrid
standing collars. s."-Andre,US Basar.
"Sylvania" sends us a gem beginning.
''And must we seek another heart
wherein to warm our love ~ We are
afraid you must. We've rented our
apartment fol a term of years, and the
tenant requires all the fuel and every
inch of stove room in the establishment.
Wen give you recommendation,
though, if that will help you any
YOnkerS Gazette.
Every day we have evidence that the
small boy has no soul. The other day
crowd gathered around a farmer
whose wagon load of butter and eggs
was fast i'll Il mud hole, and while some
suggested that he pull his horse gee,
and others that he pull him haw, the
ever-present small boy yelled, 'It's no
use, mister. Your old horse aint stout
enough. Take him out an hitch in a
roll of yer butter."-Ou City Derrick.
''My darling" says Mr.. Sadrake, who
has been ostensibly duck shooting at
San MateO all the day and night previ-
GUS, 'did the Office boy bring you those
ducks | shot, us l told him q" 'sNo, sir;
he did not" replied Mrs. S., in an lev
and appalling manner; "but the butch
er's boy has been here to say that. as
he cannot fill your order for a0iId ducks
to-day, he sends you half-dozen tame
ones instead" Tableau.-San Francis
co Ne,cs Letter.
The Alpha, IA lofty journal published
at Washington, devoted to a great deal
OF talk about things that it doesn't know
anything about, comes to us marked X,
and solemnly assures us in the leading
article that we ''can marry our cousin.1 ,
You'Ie liar, we can't. For three rea-
sons. In the first place, we are already
married, and in the second place our
cousins are all married, aud in the third
place they are all men.-Bur. HaaVkeye.
"John Jackson eloped from Muncie.
Ind, with Mrs. Decker, taking her five
children along, but leaving her husband
behind" 1t was very thoughtful of
John jackson to leave Mrs. Decker's
husband behind. If he had taken Deck
er along the probabilities are that he
would have made it very unpleasant
tor the elopers, sooner or later. When
you elope with another mans wife it is
always best, we should say, to leave her
husband behind. Cut this out and
paste it i'll your -Noyristo,un Her
aid. -fn'7r IL ~
Mr.. DeBarth is very modest young
man, who never drinks. He has hnt
one bad habit, and that is tobacco
chewing. The other day he rode in a
Flfth-avenue car, and he had uuid of
tobacco as big as a loaf of bread in his
mouth. At Fourteenth street youn0
iady entered the car. Great heavens
1t was his girl. What should he doq
She took seat beside him, and chatted
away right merrily. The conversation
nad not progressed very far when De-
barth,s face began to turn red. In two
minutes more his cheek began to swell.
What could he dO2 If his girl caugbt
MIN chewing tobacco, that would settle
it. The passengers all noticed that Mr.,
DeBarth was dying, but none of them
moved to assist him. The crisis had
come, and in a fit of desperation d. r
pointed to the front of the car All
hands, including his girl, looked in that
direction. While they were doing SO
ne spit down his sleeve. Then he took
the Quld from his montb ond .:.i