The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1878-10-11
NJ. T., FRIDAY, OCTOBER Il, 1878.
STFTTNGS.

As twig is bent the boy is inclined.
A peer without an equal-Shakespeare.
The Indian trouble-To get enough fire.
water.
A marked change-A silver quarter
with a hole in it.
Best thing with which to open dead
lock-A skeleton key.
To the average Athenian the dearest
spot on earth is the Greece spot.
Strange how the average man will
clutch at a straw-ifit is in a glass.
Never put off till tomorrow what can
be done just as well the day after.
Every man is free moral agent and in
addition there are book agents.
1t never too late to mend, but the bet
ter way is to avoid getting on a tare.-
Pic0yune.
"He whu wood rize in the world" says
Josh Billings, "muszt pay for the yeazt."
What is the difference between a man
and tired dog? One wears a coat and
the other pants.
Herkimer County rejoices in four-eyed
pig. Pigs in these parts have but one i
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Rome and Naples vie with each other
in lying about their population. They get
it from Chicago and St. Louis.
Those Western spectators can discover
a new gold mine as fast an old one plays
out They keep 'em booked in regular
order.
A Vermont man dropped dead just as
he was going to kick football. He had
kicked his family often and always enjoyed
good health.
Old wine is wholesome, old pippins
toothsomest; old wood burns brightest; old
linens wash whitest; old debts are surest
and old maids-what?
Some people are always ungratefnl, no
matter how much you do for them. 1t Is
like striking Ay off mules hind leg;
you only get kick for your pains.
The phonograph is like the small but
precocious brother of young lady. 1t
will repeat everything said in its presence
without any regard for bushes.
Enthusiastic young lady: "You are
fond Of music, Colonel?n Colonel F.:
Music? Aw-yes, think I may say |
w-noise-of-of any kind ''
The minister Who said he could preach
: without notes has been taken at his word
by his congregation, which refuses to pay
: bis salary. He sees his mistake.
If-you would be clear and forcible don't
: use foreign words. Be natural. A man
= never stops to hunt up a foreign word when
Il he is stung by a hornet.-OA City Der
= rick.
\ A Virginia woman refuses to marry a
9 bald.headed man, though he is million
aire. She explained: "We'd have a
I, family fight some time, and he has no halr
y to catch hold Of"
! Baltimore is crafty town; she has 70o
9 schooners in the oyster trade alone.-Fret
Il Press. Pshawl Boston has 1000 schoon
. ers in the beer trade.-Boston Globe.
" A farmer in Warren County writes to US
: inquiring what he should do for kicking
10 10 cows. You ought to get Eve years in the
:. penitentiary if you kick them every milk
ing Cincinnati Saturday Night
n The fact that George Washington's wife
e never asked where he had been when ht
= came home late at night, goes a great.Wa5
q toward accounting for his extreme truth
= fulness.-Fulloe Times.
IN A paper called the jeWeler asserts tha
" brass earrings are unhealthy. Whoeye
p has been in the habit OF eating brass ear
e, rings will do it hereafter with his eye
le open-and likewise his mouth.-Bu6at
: Express.
~ Lightning recently knocked a knitting
IS needle out Of the hand Of a young lady II
1e Montreal. She accepts It as hint tha
y she most stop knitting, aud urgently hope
to have the same experience with regard
to sweeping, washing dishes and simila
Buffalo Eapress.
n, "What would you call q NODDED Sunday
ve schocl?" asked the superintendent Of
st maIcontent pupil, who had threatened
At leave. stNeIl, one where they pass aroun
at apple pie every Sunday, and don't have \
n lessons to learn. That's the hair pin of
ye school for me y
IS, An applicant for position as teacher j
30 high school recommended himself to til
~ board by saying that he had ''been teacl
ve ing deestrick schools these four year,
at The board decided not to hire teache
as that didn't know how to spell "tore7 be
n. Ter than that.-Detroit Post
IS. Professor-'Ca Can you multiply togethe
ge concrete nunbers?n n The class are unee
n tain. Professor What viii be the pr
To do+ of ave ann1as multinfind Nv 81