The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1878-06-20
Deacon Babbitt's Phonograph.

Deacon Babbitts monograph.
Deacon Babbitt was progressive and enlightened in
He perused i he Science Monthly and the Reviews on
Had a cabinet Of fossils, and some birds securely
stuffed,
In his wood. house chamber study, where his pipe
was daily puffed,
It would make an old-time farmer stare around as
To see the deacon churn and plow, and cut his hay
Pitch his hay and thresh his barley with machinery
And call his help to dinner with patent tele-
phone.
Thus the deacon bought each patent that could
work walk sing,
Till he heard the papers raving of the very latest
thing.
machine to bottle language, or q song, sigh, or
laugh
Then the deacon he got crazy to possess a phono-
graph
"why," said he, "Jest think of STORM up for fr-
ture generation
A prayer-meetin' or conference, twould be their
sure salvation;
Or good old hymns; these modern ones are jest as
vr, ght as chat: chat,
graph"
And no one knows how much 1t cost-the deacon
And on his study table stood the phonograph one
day.
The deacon loaded it with hymns and pious odds
and ends,
Then donncd his hat and sought the street to call
i'll sundry friends.
THE DoYs INTERvIEw II.
Jehonidab the oldest son, had sought his brother
Green,
And they called in the hired man to view the new
They danced and sung and turned the crank with
uncouth song and laugh
Not knowing of the mystic powers of that same
phonograph.
They could not tell the purpose of the tinfoil on
the drum;
They threatened angrily to kick the thing to king.
dom come.
at cannot dig, or plant, or sew, or do a single
thing"
Then they had war-dance round the room that
made the study ring.
THE DEACON RETURNETH.
The deacon found the elder with the work before
him spread,
But he made bin leave his sermon at the forty
second head,
, And down the street. his smoking-cap disrorted in
the wind
His funny figured morning gown spread gaily out
behind.
Together they sought Deacon Smooth, a man of
Conservative in politics, religion and expense;
just the opposite to Babbitt he stuck to good old
ways,
ern days.
But Deacon Babbitt walked erect with triumph in
"He would show 'em an invention that would make
And he told them he had bottled good old " China VI
and Milbank,"
And he guessed they'd stop their lau Chin when they
heard him turn the crank.
On the table in the study all 30 simple and se-
rene,
Stood the very unpretenhous, but remarkable,
machine.
Then the deacon he explained to them the dia.
phragm and drum;
eraspsd the handle, ,, saying promptly, "Just you
al wonder what the derned old hog has been n
buyn' now7"
The deacon dropped the handle, while the sweat
stood on his brow.
"The thing is out of kilter, but guess I'll try
agn."
go. Keiser, don't you want dog ?" and "Betsy
likes her gin."
The elder donned his smoking-cap and st ted for
the door,
But Deacon Smooth winked syly, saying would
like some more;
But Babbitt gazed on the machine with looks of
dark despair,
Then said he guessed he'd try again; he knew his
hymns were there.
He grasped the handle firmly, caring nothing for
the noise
OF half dozen dancing hends with voices like his
boys;
Or shouted songs in melting tones of "I'm your
darling jane"
And ",wboop it up, my hearty boys" Farewell to
Mary Blaine"
But Deacon Smooth had stood all conservative and
grand,
Until the r-dance came along, and then he raised
his hand
And smote the phonograph a blow that laid it on
the floor
A mass of wheels and broken springs, thing OF
life no more.
The elder ran down the stairs, his fingers in his
Repeating Scripture to himself to quell his rising
fears,
And saying mildly to himself, "when a man de-
scrts his sphere
And penetrates to hidden things, he'd better stand
in fear."
But Decon Babbitt, good old man, will raise his
head no more.
lie sits and gazes sadly at the wreck upon the
floor
And tries to understand in vain without an explain
atibn)
How some way in the management he lost the COM
bnation.
The boys at noon were curious about the new ma
chine,
But the deacon told them to "shut up" with such
wrathful mien,
That not word leaked out about the fatal morn
ings spree,
And Deacon Smooth, conservative, has scored q
victory.
Utica IN. ~ Republican.