The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1878-04-11

THE Buffalo Express replies to the
Pittsburg Telegraph 'sinquiry, "Can two
constitute a riot 7' by saying, " Not un-
less they happen to be married"
AN Indiana poultry raiser is 50 con-
seientious that he won't deceive his hens
by using imitation nest>eggs. That's the
man Diogenes was trying to corner.
Chow to keep an umbrella" is the
title of newspaper article. We know.
Dig hole sixteen feet deep and bury it.
MARRIAGE2 Pooh don't men shun
deed they DON'T" replied her lovely
niece.
A UTICA doctor is about to run tele-
phone from his office to the residences of
his patients. Death is being made easier
every year.
THE few old shinplasters floating
around remind one of days when ten
cent scrip was handled with eleven cents
worth of care.
A LOVER sees his sweetheart in every
thing he looks at, Just as q man bitten
by a mad dog sees dogs in his meat, dogs
in his drink, dogs all around him.
DEAN SWIFT proposed to tax female
beauty, and to leave every lady to rate
her own charms. He said the tax would
be cheerfully paid, and be very produc-
i've.
OUT in California, the land of the
glorious climate, the first six months Of
the year they pray for rain, the remain
ing six months they run away from the
floods
CHRONIC You are locking well,
Mr.. Whit" "Well? You know that
Pm never well. Just as soon as 1 stop
being sick for dav, I feel worse for 1t
the next morning"
PAUL DE- CHAILLU says he has been
intensely amused in watching a ship
loading up for Africa with a cargo of
missionaries on deck and a cargo of rum
below, both going to the same place.
A CORRESPONDENT of a San Francisco
paper relates how a man saw ghost
while walking along lonely highway at
midnight The ghost stood exactly In
the middle of the road, and the wayfarer,
deciding to investigate, poked at it with
his umbrellas. The next instant he was
Knocked twenty feet into a mud-hole.
Moral-Never poke an umbrella at
large white mule when its back is
turned.
THERE'S nothing to excel the diabol-
| ical satisfaction a man will take in an
nouncing to his wife, after he has got his
| shirt on, that there is button missing,
and the keen delight he feels in seeing
her dance around the room after a needle
and thread, while she listens to lecture
on internal care'essness, approaches
ecstacy. But look out when she gets
that button on, bites the thread off with
a snap, and begins" There now"
| SNIFFLER read in a newspaper the
other day that "eveTy dove has a cote,
and every dog pants" And he went
home and told his wife that every dove
had coat, and every dog had a pair O
pantaloons; and when she didn't res
anything to laugh at, and told him so,
he said he guessed she must be influenced
by Mrs. Swisshelm, or had become so
COLL blamed sentimental all at once thai
she couldn't appreciate good joke when
she heard one.
THIS old, but tolerably good, story is
again on its rounds. credited to Ben
Wade: He was once travelling westward
and interviewed lank cOunIryman ped
ding cakes at a small station in the al
kali region, who remarked: " Wall, yas,
stranger, I low we've got jes as fine a
patch O. country as can be fetched in
i Ameriky. There amt but two things
we lack eff we he'd them we'd be ali
right. ] kaIculate all we need is water
and good society" Humph That's all
hell needs" answered the crusty senator.
The unfortunates confined in prisons
have to submit to a great deal of impeT-
tinence from visitors who want to know
OF the former circumstances that led to
their confinement. An exchange relates
how one of these prying visitors was re.
buffed. He was a sympathetic but
inquisitive young man, who was visiting
a country prison, and gently asked girl
prisoner the cause of her being in Luch g
place. "Oh," said sfe, with a contempt
uous toss of her head, stole water
mill and got off safe, but, like foSl,
went back after the stream that turned
it and was arrested"
, THE logical capacity is one of the
most beautiful and touching things to
, be seen in the modern small boy. At
the conclusion of festival last summer
an excellent teacher, desirous Of admin
, istering trihing moral lesson, inquired
7 of the boys if they had enjoyed the repast.
With the ingenious modesty Of youth
; they all responded, ''Yes, sir" ''Then, D
, asked the excellent teacher, 'if you had
slipped into my garden and picked those
! strawberries without my leave, would
= they have tasted as good as now ?'
! ! Every small boy in that stained and
! sticky company shrieked. "No, sir p'
! "Why not7" "'Cause," said little
Thomas, with the cheerfulness of con-
scioIs virtue, ''theh we wouldn't have