The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1878-06-29

Tho Man Who pnl,s.
WHAT Tas HawKgYE Knows ABOUT HIM,

The Burlington Haaeftege says:
g Aicestisv wants TO know II It Is very
difficult 10 manufacture puns. Not bit OF
it: the easiest thing i'm the world. For In
stance, you are challenged to make pun
on ecu do cologne. You immediately
create Hypothetical being, who for pur-
poses OF the necessary vernacular, shalt DC
African rs to his nativity, whom, you sup
pose, for reasons, has borrowed in the Bleak
and iinpecunious winter days 4 scnttie OF
coal or 6 weather neighbor, and which ne
is, unfortunately Qor the man OF Whom ne
borrowed it), unable TO repay ana hencc'
! with the return of the ensuing winter, when
the creditor insists upon the payment OF
the debt, is compelled to explain that cir
cnmstanccs over which be has no control
stu necessitates him to g owe de coal loan.''
when you reach this point OF your narra-
tive you must look fiSedly and shrewdy at
your auditor (for by that time you will have
but one left, II your associates. are as sensi-
hie people. as we assume them to be) ana
saw, with marked and changing emphasis,
"See. See 2 Coal; coal loau; cc-Iogne-
owe de-.owe dc coal loan; eau de cologne;
seee de cologne; de coal loan; coal loan
owe de coal loan" There is no limit to the
number OF repetitions you are expected or
required TO make Of the explanatory clause.
Most punsterS repeat 1t about one hundred
and ninety-eight times. We have friend,
who is a gifted punster, and he dosen't often
get through repeating :he explanatory
clauses until about the last OF next week.
his wit is greatly admired at quiet gather
ings Of literary people, although the records
show that he has been dubbed off OF Main
street at different times by every business
man in Burlington.
You can shine most brightly at little eve
ming parties by punning on the names OF
the people present. A few evenings ago
we heard very brilliant thing BY young
gentleman who IS o light i'll society. He
was introduced to Miss Smith, and with q
sudden inspiration OF genius that even
s.stonisbed his most intimate friends, be az
fected q lisp and said: sob, This is NTH
Smith; is NTH Smith; see IS Nth Smith !;
IS NTH Smith; IS NTH Smith," He began
that about 8 O'Clock and went through and
through the rooms, cornering people who
were afraid to kill him and saying it TO
them. At hali-past Ii the last guest de-
parted, and heard as lie went out the gate
this young man telling this pun to the host
ess, while the seryant-girl was ut the head
OF the stairs trying TO hold back the host,
who was trying, to get down stealthily and
unobservtd with the shotgun.
Always make puns on passing events.
FAIRS, county IalrS or church llts, alc
splendid subjects for original puns. SO are
safes. We knew young man, graduate
OF an Ann Arbor millinery establishment,
who would walk about the streets for days.
until he found i gang OF men hosting a
safe into second-story office, and then he
would stand around that spot so long as the
work went on, and stop every man who
went By, or rather tried to get by, and say
to him: "This is safe, but it isn't very safe.
They'll get in safe, you know? Safe!
safe; see? Safe? safe. It's safe; safe, you
know. See safe. It's safe; but it's not
safe to stand under it. See? 1t isn't safe,
you know, and it is safe. See?" One
time large safe, weighing fourteen thou
sand pounds, which was being hoisted into
asix-story window, broke the tackling and
fell to the ground, missing this young man
by only about sixteen feet. A number OF
Christian men, who witnessed the accident
and this young mans escape, immediately
went off and joined the Ingersoll atheists,
saying they could not believe In a proVl-
dence that would miss such splendid OPP
portunity rs that. Strange to say, this
young mans parents love him. and it is
ruInored that his mother is proud Of him,
and even urges him to. infct himself upon
mankind.