The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-03-01
PECK ON CHEESE.

upon me, on JulS OcchslOn, 10 euuRuten
you upon subject that is dear to the
hearts of all Americans, you have got
the right man in the right place. 1t
makes me proud to come to my old
home and unfold truths that have been
folded ever since / can remember. 1t
may be said by scoffers, and it has been
said to-day, in my presence, that didn't
knew enough to even milk COW.
deny the allegation, and show me the
alligator. If any gentleman present has
COW here with him, and can borrow
clothes wringer, 1 will show you
whether can milk cow or not. Or If
there is cheese mine here handy will
demonstrate that l can runnet.
/ was brought up on a farm. That
is, come up with the cows. Labor has
been to me sweet boon. There is no
farmer present here that has done more
real hard setting around than L have.
1t was my practice in youth to sit on a
fence, and see the hired men work.
There is no moro ennobling occupation
than swinging the reaping machine, or
holding the pillow. never held n pillow
much, because the one we had was gen.
tie. 1t would stay without being held.
have been amoug the earliest industries.
Away back in the history of the world
we find Adam and Eve conveying their
milk from the garden of Eden III one
horse wagon to the cold spring cheese
factory, to be weighed in the balance.
Whatever may be said of Adam and Eve
to their discredit in the marketing of the
products of their orchard, it has never
been charged that they stopped at the
pump and put water in their milk cans.
Doubtless you all remember how Cain
killed his brother Abel because Abel
would not let him do the churning.
Even then boys quarreled about doing
the family churning. They all wanted
to do it. We can picture Cain and
Abel driving mooley COWS up to the
house from the pasture in the southeast
corner of the garden, and Adam standing
at the bars with tin pail and three
legged milk-stool, smoking a meerschaum
pipe and singing "Hold the Fort for
am Coming Through the Rye" while
Eve sat on the verands with q sewing
machine, altering over her last years
polonaise, and winking at the devil who
stood behind the milk house singing
81 want to be an Angel" After Adam
got through milking he came up and
saw Eve blushing, and he said: ma
dame, cheese it, and she chose it.
But to come down to the present day,
we find that cheese has become one of
the most important branches of manu-
facture. It is next in importance to the
silver interest. And, fellow-cheese-
makers, you are doing yourselves great
injustice that you do not petition Con-
gress to pass bill to remonetize cheese.
Cheese was demonetized when Congress
passed an act providing that the moon
was not made of green cheese. There
is more cheese raised in this country
than there is silver, and it is more valua-
BILE. Suppose you had not eaten a
mouthful in thir " days, and you should
have placed on the table before you ten
dollars stamped out of silver bullion on
one plate, and nine dollars stamped out
of cheese bullion on another plate.
Which would you take first2 Though
the face value of the nine cheese dollars
would be 10 per cent. below the face
value of the ten silver dollars, you would
take the chances on the cheese. You
would use il to better advantage in your
business. Hence see cheese is more
valuable than silver, and it should be
made legal tender for all debts, public
and private, except pew rent. / may be
In advance OF other eminent fnanciers,
who have studied the currency question,
but want to see the time come, and l
trust the day is not far distant, when
412l grains of cheese shall be equal to a
dollar in Goldfish, and when the merry
jingle of slices of cheese shall be heard
in every pocket.
Then every cheese factory can make
its own coin, money will be plenty, ev-
erybody will be happy, and there never
will be war any more. 1t may be asked
how this currency can be redeemed? L
would have an incontrovertible bond,
made of Limburger cheese, which is
stronger and more durable. When this
is done you can tell the rich man from
the poor man by the smell of his money.
Nowadays many of us do not even get a
smell of money, but in the good days
which are coming the gentle zephyr will
watt to us the delicate violet and the
able-bodied Limburger, and we shall
know that money is plenty.
The manufacture of cheese is a busi-
q
well as rich man. 1 say it, without
fear of successful contradiction, and say
it boldly, that poor man with, say 200
COWS, if he thoroughly understands his
business, can market more cheese than a
rich man who owns 800 oxen. This is
susceptible of demonstration. If my
boy showed desire to become states
man, 1 would say to him, "Young man,
get married, buy mooley COW, and 90
to Sheboygan county and start cheese
factory"
Speaking of cows, did it ever occur to
you, gentlemen, what saving it would
be to you if you should adopt mooley
cows instead of horned cattle? What
good do horns do i'll making cheese? II
takes ut least three tons of hay and O
large quantity of ground feed, annually
to keep pair of horns fat. and of what
earthly use are theyp Statistics show
that there are annually killed 45, 00(
grangers by cattle with horns. Yor
pass laws to muzzle dogs because one il
ten thousand goes mad, and yet NOR,
people are killed by cattle-horns than b,