Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1878-11-27
The Wits Column.

D
A perspicuous Vermont legislator
said in speech: " My wife, who is a
married woman"
A country editor in Illinois writes:
We are having hog cholera. "--Nm Or
leans Picayune.
There ought to be a lightning-rod ~
vented that would ward off donation
party.-Miiuuukee Sun.
Ypsilanti, Mich. is one of the few OF
the immortal American towns tina,
can't poke fun at the Aighan!stan war
names.-OH City Derrick.
The swollen brooSlet murmers louder:
All songless nit the ieathery troop:
The clam, departed from the chowuer
Leaves but poor potato soap.-PHck.
A little fellow began to maui and
tease the family cat, in the blind hope
of turning her INTO the maul-toase va
ricty.-1taner's Falls Reporter.
Just because an Indian won't be de-
cent and starve to death quietly, Mr..
Smiley, who has bad cold, says
he is ''nomad at all,-New Hdrea Regis.
| ter.
The following classical poser is sub
mitted for college boating clubs Did
Leander swim the Hellespout or did
Hero ?-Ne'c York Commercial Advertiser.
William Augustus to sleepy room
mate: Come, John Henry, why
don't you get up with the lark, as 90 ?'
John Henry, grimly: Been up with
him all night"
No, reader, no. That fishery award
is not to compensate England for al
lowing the daughter of our Goldfish
aristocracy to fish in that country for
titled but penniless husbands. -Phih-
delphia Chronicle Herald
The civilized Indians Of the Cherokee
Nation are organizing II brass band, so
there will be no further use for the quo
tation "Lo, the poor Indian, whose
un-toot-ored pd-."--Jersey City Jour
nal.
"pd like you to help me little," said
vagrant, poking his head into coun-
try store. "Why don't you help your
self?' said the proprietor. "Thank
you, 1 will" said the tramp, picking up
a bottle of pickles and two ioaves of
bread, and then vanishing
The following startling announce
ment was given out by the parish clerk
in small church in Sumersetshine,
England. 81 gees notice mex Sunday
there wun't be no Sunday, cause Rec
tors goin' to tother parish tishin." By
this the accustomed congregation un-
derstood that the clergyman would be
officiating n few miles off.
A New York "modiste' has written
a pamphlet on the cart of Dressing"
That isn't the book the times demand.
What the young men who come home
at 2:15 A. NJ. want is lucid instructions
in the art of undressing. And if such
a work could be supplemented with n
few hints on practical methods OF dis
tinguishing the foot Of the bed from the
end where the pillows are, it would
have an immense sale burlington
Hawkeye.
President Day used to tell of neigh
Dor into whose mind it was impossible
to cast glih.mer Of logic or mental
philosophy. On one occasion he thought
he would get the obtuse fellow to see
the truth of the metaphysical PROPOSE
'o"' ","' o''in'o' w '"y '"''s
ms VIII put all az once 'ie MN pufs'
GU! WIN ,h's; va, yes, ne c"n "a
his will only the day before Yesterday
We have received large paper de-
voted "to the interests of agents and
canvassers.' Now hear us. We immor-
tai gods, that roost on high Olympus;
These people may be able to own and
control a sixteen-page newspaper, but
the old double-barreled shotgun, loaded
with sllIps and ten-DennV nails, standing