The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1878-09-25

f. Some people are like green lob
sters-they never know when to let
go when you shake hands with them
Nothing makes a baldheaded man
so mad as fly that doesn't know
when it has enough@ - rkUz -
Said an Irishman. in the course OF
an eloquent speech: Mr.. Chair
man, the gals is the boys to do it.
The cool evenings remind us that
the autumn has pooled it's issues
and the summer must CO."
Seventeen women write. in Hnr-
perS Magazine to ten men, says an
exchange. It doesn't say what they
write TO the men.
Nothing casts a man down more
than to have his last match 90 out !;
especially after he has bitten the
end off his cigar.
A clergyman says woman died
in my neighborhood. yesterday,
while was preaching in beastly
state of intoxication.
We never knew but one man who
had absolute faith in humanity, and
he advertised for a lost umbrella in
this paper last week. -.
1t might be called refined torture
when a sweetheart visits her lover
in Jail and tells him what a good
time she expects TO have at a picnic.
A Michigan woman hid her cow
under the hay to keep out of sight
Of the tax-collector, and a newspa-
per, calls it "a case of cowhiding by
a female.
Science says it took millions of
years to evolve man from the oys-
tiers; observation shows that it takes
less than a minute to transfer the
oyster to the man. 1 ts tE-I !
A celebrated philosopher used to
say. The favors Of fortune are like
steep rocks-only eagles and creep
ing things mount to the summit"
Richard III. was engaged in
game of euchre when he exclaimed:
Shine, fair sun, till have bought
glass;
That I may see my shadow as-I pass.
The man-eater sharks are becom-
ing numerous in the Sound. They
are probably New York hackmen
thrown out of business by the. eleva-
ted roads. ~ AA1C IT. l-E
Yes" said an Irish gentleman at
Long Branch, "that lady is very dis
agreeable at table If lived in the
same house with her she would be
the only one in it. can tell you,"
Ella Mccall. the actress. commit.
ted suicide because she heard that
her lover was married man. He
has since proven that he is not.
Moral: Give a fellow a chance.
If you should offer ten thousand
dollars for a sewing machine that
didn't take the '''frst premium at
the Paris Exposition we don't sup
pose you could get one.
All hair-pins look alike to men,
but let wife go off on a visit for a
month, and come home and find a !
hair-pin near the door, and she can't
wait a minute to grow red in the face.
A woman being told that some
tables IN the Russian department of
the French Exhibition were made
of malachiLe, exclaimed my good
ness! Thought Malachite was one
of the prophets"
An Iowa editor thus acknowledges
a present Of grapes: I'VE have re-
ceived a basket of grapes from our
friend w. for which he will accept
our compliments, some of which are
nearly two inches in diameter"
speaking OF bathing" says Mrs.
Darlington. "some can battle with
perfect iinpn nifty in water as cold as
GreenIand's icy mountains and In
dia's coral strands bat for my part.
1 prefer TO have the water a little |
torpid"
What a volume of domestic misery
these two little lines contain: "Six
million bottles of hair restorative
were sold in the Upitsa States last
year" But as long as the birds
make nests we suppose people will
love and take the consequence.
A Clergyman who had just per-
formed a wedding ceremony. and
flling out blank, description of
the parties, asked the husband what
his business was. 81 am wine
merchant aud a shoemaker" was the
reply. Yes chimed in the bride
30 you can just set him down as a
sherry cobbler."
A correspondent of the ST. Louis
tells this story:
IAN rIrishman. apon. his arrival in
the United States, noting the great
number Of military TILES exclaim-
ed . .Whata divil Of battle has
been fought near here, where all the
privates were kilt