Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1878-08-03
The Abused Woman.

be broadly known as tne aDuseu WOMAN!
And who has not observed also that the
disagreeable and painful peculiarities OF
this type of woman really grow out OF
originally good and praiseworthy in
stinctsP They are the results of virtues
exaggerated until they become vices.
The abused woman is really self-sac-
rificing and obliging. She will put her
self to any amount of trouble to serve
or accommodate her friends, but alas!
she will manage to make them feel what
obligations they are under. She is in
her glory if she can only seem to be
forced by circumstances to some pain
full over exertion, such, for instance, as
sitting up all night, losing sleep and IA
tiguing herself to death for some one
who is sick; and in recounting her serv-
ice and self-denial in the matter she
will leave the impression that the pa
tient would much more appropriately
have exchanged places with her. Head
aches, backaches, nervous exhaustion
in the service of others, are her tokens
of achievements which she exhibits more
proudly than the hero of battles exhib-
its his scars. If it be suggested to her
that it would be more agreeable to her
friends that she would spare herself
somewhat, the air with which she re-
ceives the suggestion indicates that she
regards it as an arising from ingratitude
or lack of appreciation 1t gives her a
good chance to assume her favorite role
of the unappreciated and abused wo-
man. Yet no one is really more unset
fish than she in performing service for
those of her friends who need it.
The abused woman apparently en-
4 jeys being imposed upon Just az many
invalids seem Co eeiSy poor health; it Is
sort of Distinction sshe can only
persuade herself that an unfair sna7s Al
toll and care is left to her in household
arrangements, she has something upon
which to plume herself. To this end she
will voluntarily perform work that has
been left undone, or that should have
been performed by others, and then set
it down to her own credit and their dis
credit. ssI had to oversee the cleaning
of the yard," or 81 was compelled to
carry the coal myself," or 81 was OBJ
liged to go down town after those gro
ceries," is her complaint, when in fact
all she had to do was to command the
service of some one to perform these
things. But this would not be conso-
nant with her fondness for appearing in
the role of an imposed upon person; it
would deprive her of the chance of i'm
pressing her Importance and self sacri-
flee on others.
To overwork herself seems to be the
especial pride of the abused woman, and
to recount her exploits in this direction
is her Joy and solace. 1t is in vain that
her friends, especially they of her own
household, deprecate her self-imposed
tolls. To attempt to reason with hel
, about it, orsto beg her to spare herself
only seeLIsIto deepen her determination
to place herself in the list of martyrs
/ She will relate with gusto how she was
, suffering with headache or some other
, ache, but Notwithstanding stole dowr
stairs to the kitchen and made doZer
, pies or several loaves of cake. and as 8
) consequence was IN bed for day. Tha
! her husband and friends were vexet
to the point of anger with her fo
such imprudence but seems tt
,, add zest to the exploit an'
, its narration If she can only max
it appear that any service rendered tt
friends has cost her heavily in fatigu
. and been followed by painful conse
: quences, she seems to feel that she ha
!, achieved a triumph. How to deal witt
such a disposition is one of the mos
perplexing problems ever presented IL
e domestic life. For if one acknowledge
: the full value of the services rendered
: the diseased love of appreciation will b
e stimulated to new and more laboriou
e efforts by the praise bestowed, while Z
deprecate such self-imposed toll is onl
: to be set down as unappreciative an
It ungrateful.
: When the abused woman is herself 8
/ circumstanced as to require the care an
: attention of others, this disposition take
on new, painful and mortifying forms
n If she needs any thing she is careful nc
r to mention it at the time or to thos
e whose interest and sense of duty woul
r impel them to provide it. But whe
q the need is passed or the opportunit
for providing for it is gone, it is mel
toned, in the form of complaint. 6
/ wanted some lemons so much to-day,
u or ssIf L only could have gotten ice ft
u nv head" or, s.If l could have had
II hot bath,'' is the first intimation he
n friends have of wants that no one coul
' have guessed. And if it is intimate
10 that she should have mentioned Il
want at the time, the only reply is 4
!, resigned, "Oh, didn't want to troub
y you,, that carries with it a world of r.
n proach, and says palmer than words,
IS am of no consequence anyway"
l. The greatest compliment and pro-
y of confidence that one can show to nes
le friends is to take it for granted th'
n they will render cheerfully every neede
d service of affection. This is what pu
a the sharp point on the conduct of Il
F." abused woman. BY implication all b
friends would willingly impose upt
her, would disregard her wishes as
es no Importance, and would grudge
es supply her wants in sickness. The
implied accusations every rightly di
of posed person will resent, and hence
a. is that between her friends and {
en- abused woman often springs up
species of antagonism. She cultivat
.o the air and cherishes the thought of 81
y. .to fering from neglect and lack of appre'
,;r alton, while they resent the implied l
~ proach and learn to avoid receiving al
service at her hands.
IS In the relation of wife the abus
ne woman is thousand fold more dis
H. preeable than the shrew or the vlrag
Almost any thing is more endurable
lr- husband than the air that says g a
er martyr" whenever any extra burd
falls on domestic duties, or the pressu
1T. of business or even involuntary pre-t
ste cupation causes him to forget to rend
re- an expected service. To attempt to
ys move such burden or atone for su
ed neglect is but an acknowledgement
"a the Justice of her grievance and invi1
repetition, when the occasion aris
in of the display of the martyrspirit.
,et The most discouraging thing abe
,ly the whole matter is that this dispositl
,ze is almost hopelessly incurable. 1t b
its spring in false ideas of duty and I
aggerated self-importance combin
81 with feigned humility. The abus
u woman will be trial to herself and
L. friends through life unless some sudd
So. revelation to herself or some her