The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-10-12
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
Iordopers call dime novels ''penny dreadfuls''

Boston Transcript NV "''"S
Tho manager of the Inter- OCEAN dismissed Ia
narorraphcr for negccting to remark thaV 'h'
,,or,Icmon named Billings, on trial at l.al'toh
Y Y. for wife murder, is not Josh Billings
The Washington papers are cruelty insis'In-
that DIR. Mary Walker is wanted professionally
at New Orleans.
II is said on good authority that man Is moi
necessarily cannibal when he swallows Il niue
London porter.
Two Japanesc babies are hitchcd together ~
the shoulders The mother rcjoces 10 see thc"'
SO highly connected. -GIuph'c.
Atoo.scnsitive lover in Burke county, Ga, has
broken of his engagement because ms sweet
heart named her pet calf after him
Henderson, Ky, has hermaphordiie pig WIN
h,ue eyes, the Jaw and chin of child, ana
snout and ears like those Of an elephant.
Socrates Schurz is sound on some things ana
awful rlckcty on Others. -BOStOn i'0N presume
the latter remark is drive at his spidery ieSs'
The Bangor Wing tells of a farmer who has
raised the present season steer cali that Is no"
six and one half years old" No bob veal therc'
An exchange SAYS that on!on.juice will destroy
the pain OF mosquito bites. But oh, what strong
oblivious antidote will settle the pain OF onion
smell?
A line Of one OF Moore's songs runs thus;
"Our couch shall be roses bespanged with de"'
To which a sensible girl replied; at would give
me the rheumatic, and so it would yop'
\ clergyman at Newport, KY, is running for
congress, and Il local newspaper, by way OF
friendly advice, warns him that at Washington
he can save no souls and will probably lose his
own.
Politicians at Joliet are warming up. Dan.
Hendricks, city attorney, met Mcintosh, OF the
Sun. on the street and slapped his mouth 1t Is
said Dan used the broad palm OF his hand and
had to slap four times before he could cover the
whole Of Macs mouth
ale was formerly halter but became con
yerted," is the way one Of the Orange, \. j., pa
pers puts il in speaking Of the experience OF
reformed man at a temperance revival in that
city.
Victoria Woodruff threatens to come back to
this country and run for president on the nat
money ticket She'll do for the fiat people. She
about the most thoroughly and hopclessly IRE
deemabe thing they could make candidate of
-BWling'oH HdrkeW.
Three Newport Bcnedcts agreed last year that
the one who soonest became father should re-
ceiye hat from each Of the others. Result
tie, each wife becoming..a mother precisely ten
months and five days after the wedding.
A man is running for Sheriff in an Indiana
town, and the local paper says: "From the hum
bic cottage OF the daily laborer and from the
cheering Are of the mechanic nightly goes up
PRAYER to the Gvcr Of all Good for Mr. Brghts
election
In the Court News" Of an English paper re-
Gently appeared this remarkable item: 'Thc
Queen drove two cows yesterday to visit the
King and Queen Of Denmark at Lisburnc House.
For "two cows" read Through Cowcs."
Chicago is just green with envy over the failure
of the Glasgow bank, with its fifty million deficit
when its biggest rascal, Spencer, got away with
a bare million.
Says the pious Morris Rtormo: "Somc God
forsaken wretch, or wretches, robbed the Caho.
lie Church in the night Of the priests dance.
God, in his mercy, ought to make an example OF
these imps OF hell" Now what is ''pricst's
danceY'
'I'd like to see them put me in JAIL" says Mr..
Kearney. "Ah!" remarks the Detroit Free Press
with delightful enthusiasm, "who woudn't"'
One of the Boston churches, on learning that
Dean Stanley had arrived in the city from Eng
land, invited him to attend Sunday school con
cert in the evening "and speak to the children
about his wonderful experience in Africa"
Col. bills, sclfnominatcd Republican candidate
for Congress in the Ninth Kentucky District,
owns 5000 acres Of mountain land thercabout;
which remiuds local paper OF the protest of
native against the sympathy Of tourist: Look
here, stranger | amt darncd poor as you
think, | don't own much of this land round
here"
A reflective writer has been asking readers to
cast their eye, back about ten years. Very few
men have time for any such nonsense. Mrs Lo.
cast her eyes back about three minutes and that
little act obliged Lot 10 get II fresh wiie.N. q.
Picayms.
"a have lived with my actions under the blaze
Of microscope for sixteen years" says General
Butler "and no man yet has found anything that
| can't answer" Then, maybe, you can tell who
it was that struck Billy Patterson, and give US
few facts touching the subsequent history of "the
boy that butted the bull off the bridge"
What to him Was love or hope? What TO him
was joy or cares
lie stepped on II bar OF soap the girl had left
on the topmOst stair,
And his feet flew out with wild, fierce filings :;
And he struck each stair with a sound like
drum;
And the girl below, with the scrubbing things,
Laughed like ticnd to see him come.
II now costs 20 cts. to take a barrel Of flour by
railroad from Chicago 10 Boston, but the ''blarst-
ed express wagon monopolist charges % cts. to
convey 1t from the railroad TO the consumer
However, the latter is always ready to throw in a
speech on the necessity of putting down the
"hell-bon railroad monopoly"
We are sorry for Sake Cramer, of the Canon
City RscDra lie is in a dilemma:
We appeal TO the public. What shall we do:
FIRST fouNG LADr-"Now, ifyou don't publish