The Portland daily press., 1878-09-28

in the third and eighth districts, instead Of
nominating separate candidates. The Green.
hackers prefer swallowing to being swal-
lowed.
TIE Treasury department is preparing to
set at rest the charge that the 73O bonds
werel issued as legal tenders. Photo
graphs of the bonds and attached cod
pons are being issued and will be so generally
circulated as to leave no excuse for a repeti-
tion OF this false statement.
COLONEL NICHOLAS SMITH, whose only
claim to consideration is that he is Horace
Greeley's son-in-law, is Greenback candi-
date tor Congress in New York.
THE Governor of South Carolina did not
say to the Governor of Massachusetts, what
he is always supposed to say to the Governor
of North Carolina.
E. MOODY BoYNToN has challenged Mr..
Blaine to financial discussion. Well, cat
may look at a king.
Cap and Bells.
The woodland glades are lovely now
In gold and scarlet lustre,
And on the swaying, breezy bough
The mnstrels cease to muster;
Which should be sufficient warning to
the average young man that the proper
time has arrived for the shooting of
that duster.
Puck.
Heaven gave women tongues to ask questions
with and eyes to give answers with.
The sight of cannon doesn't wake as much
horror in an ordinary PERSONS breast as does a
glimpse of a cornet N. Y. Graphic.
have seen men who had worn out their
vices and supposed of course they were living
on their virtues.-Josh Billings.
Out at Denver, Alexander Kyle was taking
liberties with nitro-glycerine can, when all at
once the folks discovered that higher than "a.
Kyle" must be pretty far up.
God hates your snsakin' creturs that believe
He'll settle things they run away and leave,
The sneakin' kind that sits and thinks tor weeks
The universal being is out because their little gilpot
leaks.-Hoseo Bigetop.
Everywhere but in France words are tbs SER
wants of ideas; in France mots control ideas.
There is only one class in France-the first
class in Rhetoric. Paris Paper.
The woman who refuses an offer of mar
risge should do it by postal card By this
means she can secure several hours to say her
prayers before being murdered. Philadelphia
CHrOnicle-HerdLd.
Mary snatches up her slate,
Her satehel and her rule,
And hustles of lest she be late
And get her lamm at school.
From Scotland Yard-Ssrgeant; "How's this
Jones? What do you mean by comm on duty
unshaved?' Jones: "pm growin' Of my
beard. SIR" Sergeant, "Then you must get up
earlier and do it,, or-or-.Auy how, Won must
not grow it while on dootyr'-Fstanu Fslks.---s
1t was an evidence of how readily our intelli-
gent public is penetrated by an idea, that while
Mr.. Beecher was delivering his lecture the
toher evening on "The Merits of the Spirit
hundreds of his hearers stepped out every few
minutes to judge for themselves. Fran
cisco NelUS-Letter.
That it might be fulfilled which was written
of old time by Autocrat, the prophet, saying-
"Thirk, think, thou cruel Emma,
When thou hast heard my svoe,
And know my sad dilemma,
That thou hast made it So"
Lines By q Clerk By o. W. II.
Paris wit: "If 1 should marry Elizabeth
Jane," said the prospective son.in.law, ri
should frankly confess one thing in advance
I am of rather hasty temper, and apt to get
mad without cause" "Oh, that'n be all
right" blandly replied the dear old lady; Il
shall 60 and live with you, and I'll see that
you always have cause"
Juvenile Induction: Sylvia-"There 90 Un-
Gle George and Aunt Mary and the baby!
What fuss they make about the baby, to be
sure!' Daisy-"Psople always make fuss
about their frst-born, and always have ever
since the world began" Sylvia--"I don't SUD.
CAIN" Daisy-"Why not?" Sylvia-"Well,
they'd never seen baby before. and must have
thought him quite an idiotr'-Punch
R obbinty bobbinty.
Big-waisted Ben,
He made great row
With the "Worcester" men.
He bullied the Mayor,
He buzzed to the people,
He hired the hall
And walked off with the steeple
He's a dreadful old rat,
Not bit of mouse.
And his eyes on the cheese
: That perfumes the White House.
The railroads will now bring barrel Of flour
from sChcago to New York for twenty cents,
but the down-trodden laborer charges twenty
five cents to take the barrel from the depot to
the consumer But the down-trodden aforesaid
makes it all right with his "effete" customer
by throwing in speech on the snecessity of
putting down the railroad monopoly so that
the poor can lve.-LoaceU Courier.
The chief of the Chinese embassy, when
asked how all the Chinese in America wo uld
get back to China, replied: "They will all 90 to
Ireland; that is the only country that the Irish
do not rule" If epigrammatic satire can 90
further than this, we should like to know it.
''These Mongolians is improviu,'" as the Gold
Hill miner thoughtfully remarked the other
day, when a Chinaman quietly blew hole
through white loafer who had just spit in his
face
The boy sat on the orchard fence,
His face was wreathed with woe;
To reach his home, far, far from thence,
Long miles he had to 60.
Green apples that would fill peck
He'd slowed within his hold;
And now writhng, tortured wreck,
Distressing to behold.
He called aloud, "Oh, Lordy, Lordp'.
But ah, he called in vain;
With vengeful grip old cholera morb
Just tied him up again.