Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1878-05-16
No. 26
HUMOR THE HOUR.

| Fretting is sort of religious swearing at
troubles.-Oil City Call.
The thud of the slap-jack no longer re-
sounds through the land.-Danbury News.
The air is heavy with the sighs of bean
pole belabored carpets.-New London Tele-
gram.
Buds on the trees, and pants on the knees
of boys playing marbles, are bursting. g.-Berk
shire Courier.
'Do editors ever do wrong?" emo"
"What do they do p :'They do write."-
Whitehall Times.
The rage for the antique has ceased. Even
| an old note of hand has about lost its value.
Detroit Free Press.
Students often grow old studying the results
of other mems labor before they think of
doing anything themselves.
The counterfeit silver dollar may be de-
tected by the superior workmanship of the
engraving. Chicago Journal.
There are only 800 shades of blue We
sometimes feel as though there were twice as
many.-Turner's Falls Reporter.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but
the humble paste-pot is greater than he that
taketh city.-Detroit Free Press.
They have got Belt road in New York,
but the directors say they won't have any
waste in it.-Boston Com. Bulletin.
Very few girls can spank pepper-box as
it should be spanked, and yet they want tc
be married and raise families. s.-Oil City Der
rick.
Speaking of the Capitol at Washington, it
is said that Conkling is little vane, but Sen
atOr Davis is the rotunda-Boston Com. Bull
letin.
1t is either great grief or great JOY that
drives men into the lecture tield.-Chicago
Journal. But generally great jaw.-Louis-
vile Journal.
The restoration of the Franking privilege
has thrown hundreds of industrious washer
women out of employment at the Capital
Andrews Bazaar.
The man who is always Dragging that his
wife is worth her weight in gold always lets
her get up in the night for medicine for the
children.-N. Y. Herald.
Fine printing paper is now made from the
white ends of asparagus 1t will not be so
unpleasant to eat ones own word as 1t used
to be.-B0ston Transcript.
In certain parts of New England it is Gus
tomary to furnish pies for guests at funerals,
which is in emulation of the ancients, who al
ways had a funeral pyre too.-Yonkers Ga
zette.
An enthusiastic Indiana editor wrote ''The
battle is now opened. But, alas the intel
ligent compositor spelt battle with an 80
and his readers say they have suspected it all
along.
When Shakespeare built that conundrum,
''Tell me, where is fancy bred ?" he little
dreamed of the shower of Vienna bakeries
that our Centennial was to bring us.--YOn-
kers Gazette.
A strolling theatrical company was at the
dinner table. A waiter approached one of
the members and said ''Soup?' mo, sir;
replied the guest, Il am one of the musi-
clans. Utica Observer.
While man was eating piece of pie at
a Whitehall restaurant, he found fault because
he discovered piece of rusty pike in it. But
then what kind of a pie could he expect
without pike rust-Whitehall Times.
Jackson papers are boasting about two To-
being put together in two hours
and fifty minutes at that place. We once
saw two engines put together near this place
in less than five seconds s.-Saranac Local.
There is a man in Cambridge who don't
like the new silver dollar. He was describ-
ing it to a friend the other day: ION one
side of it," said he, 'sis pictur of healthy
ookin' gal, but her nose looks like coal hod
40 side down, and her chin is showed way
out from her face like the hind step OF an
omnibus On the other side is a sick lookin'
Dat with scarf expression onto it's face
ryin' to fly away with bundle of eel spears"
Boston Globe.
Iceman, spare our purse.
Raise not your prices higher,