Litchfield enquirer., 1878-10-17
CLIPPINGS

P0cketbOOke are worn shorter tns seasOn
 The cucumber does its best fighting after it is down. E EtskE&S Is&1f
 The disappearance of umbrellas is usually proceeded by barometrical depression. ~ !.
 A Sullivan, Ind, man has invented con- bined corn-crib and rat-trap. --.
 A lady, joking about her nose, said: '1 had nothing to do in shaping it. 1t was a birthday present"
 The washwoman's motto is ''soap on, soap ever."-BossOn Past. Sometimes it is 'fslop on, slop over."
 ''Tommy, my son, what is longitudeT P "A clothes-line. papa. isProve it, my son" ssBe- cause it stretches from pole to pole" ..
 Wendell Phillips advises: sNever call a man a liar" We never do It is more polite to call him gas-meter.
 The foundation for the meanest man is laid when a small boy turns the worm hole in an apple for his companion to bite from.
 There is no law in this country to prevent a colored man from boat racing. It is his con- mon sense that interferes.
 Billiards and pools have been introduced in- to Jerusalem. They are talking, of introduc- II well.
 If you ain't an Ohio man you should be very glad of it. True, the Ohio man gets all the fat offices but when he dies the medical col lege invariably gets him.
 ''HOw to see Niagara Falls" IS heading in a Rochester paper. About the only way to see them now is to pay a man fifty cents to let you look over his fence.
 Nothing aggravates young man more than to have his sweetheart's little brother take his unfinished cigar from it's hidden nook and sur rcpttiously scoot of with it.
 Ben Butler is sixty years old, and possesses $3,O00, 900: This makes the wages of the hor- ny-handed veteran of labor average over $150 day from his birth not counting living ex- penses' CETC 5TyEC)1 asked city dandy of country boy. ''So that l would not be poking it into other peoples business" was the reply. i4. .-t / ! A gentleman coming into the room of the late Dr. Barton told him that MT. Vowel was dead. "What ?" said he, ~"Vowel dead? Let us be thankful 1t was neither nor T." e-
 The little daughter of leading physician in certain country town presented the follow ing as her first school essay :: There was It. tie girl, and she was very sick they sent for my papa, and she died very quick"
 twill the boy who threw the pepper on the stove please come up here and get present of a nice book?" said Sunday school superin- tendent in Iowa but the boy never moved. He was far-seeing boy.
 "Isn't yours perilous life!' asked a lady of a railroad conductor. ''Yes," he said, as he gently but consistently charged her ten cents extra for not having purchased a ticket ''pre- viOus to entering the car;" Ives it is perilous, but you see, none but the brave deserve the fare" +---@~ @| -~ %~f Six years ago two young men Tn Philadel- phia inherited from their father about $8O, ,OOO. each. Since that period one has died poor and the other is now driving furniture car for living. The name of the daily paper they started is Tot given.
 It is a lamentable fact that piece of paste- board with verse on it, given as a reward of merit in a Sabbath school, has not half the charm for the bey as the same sized piece of pasteboard with the simple talIsmanic words. ''admit one." TA<Ece.. 14&tL Confucius says that good men love to speak well Of all others Con. never happened to drop in behind 8 collection of saints on their way home from the evening prayer meetings and overhear their conversation, we will ven- ture to say. .vtA.st as4E
 An honest ignoramus, who had escaped a great peril by an act of heroism, was much c0mplimented for his bravery. One lady said: '1 wish l could have seen your feat" Where upon he blushed and stammered, and finally pointing to his pedal extremities, said, ''Well, there they be- num-"
 At an exhibition of pictures a baker and facetiOus friend were examining picture with a number of rocks in the foreground Quoth the former: 'The rocks are like Jumps O dough-" ''Weel," said his friend, ''you should ma find fault wi that when the puir chiel O a painter makes his bread out O them"
 A skeptic, who was badgering simple minded old man about a miracle and Balaam's ass, finally said: 'How is it possible for an ass to talk like man? ?" "Well," replied the hon. est old believer, with meaning emphasis, q don't see why it ain't as easy for an ass to talk like man as 1t is for man to talk like an ass"
 ''Thats very stupid brute of yours, John," said Scottish minister to his parishioner, the peat-dealer, who drove his merchandise from door to door in small cart drawn by a don- Key, 'l never see you but the creature is bray-
 
 the hearts warm when frienns meat' A gentleman took the following telegram to telegraph office: 'I announce, with grief the death of Uncle James. Come quickly to read will. believe we are the heifs. John Black" The clerk, having counted the words, said. ''There are two words too many, sir" "All right; cut out with grief" F Three little boys on recent Sunday were cfn fhoc hxx, xll who, perceiviug that they had bats and bali with them, asked one of the number this uues- tion: Boy, can you tell me where all 'nat,gli- ty boys go to who play ball upon Sunday ?" 'Over back of Johnson's dam, the youngster replied. z.s Since Theodore Thomas's determination to take up his residence in Cincinnati that city has become highly musical. " Silver dollars are dropped into the hats of organ-grinders, street singers are presented with new clothes, and cats are permitted to organize concerts on-back fences without having to dodge bootiacks etc. -tfE Nf 93IJU HUI" !
 Young America hastbeen always noted for it's inquiring mind. One of the many budding Presidents now resident in Chicago was told the other day by his ''school-marm" the story of William Tells famous shooting feat The only comment the boy made upon the story of the patriotic parent was: Who ate the apple afterward?" f-..ss .5s5s Esfs - A little boy whose father was rather inn moderate drinker of the moderate kind one day sprained his wrist, and his mother utilized the whiskey in her husbands bottle to bathe the little fellows wrist. After while ths pain began to abate, and the child surprised his mother by exclailning: ''Ma, has pa got a sprained throat p
 A woman appeared before an Ithaca police justice the other day and wanted her father punished for some alleged unkindness shown her. The justice inquired into the matter found that the man was over ninety wears of age and that he had been married four times
 5o home, young woman, go home, he sald the cid man has already been punished enough"
 His hair having been cut, and various offers