The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1878-03-19
A Bashful Mans Trouble.

Ill call him Jackass, for short
Heaven help me If he should see this
story.
Among many of his misfortunes, for
he was cock-eyed, red-haired and knock
kneed, he numbered that inconvenient
one of bashfulness. Nevertheless he
was fond of the ladies, although when in
their presence he never opened his
mouth when he could help 1t, and when
he did, used both hands to help him; in
fact, he was a man of ''great actions"
Jacobus, one warm day fell in love !;
he had just graduated at college, and
began to think he must seek the ladies
society; he was getting to be man I;
and it was manly to have penchant.
So Jack fell in love with the sweetest,
liveliest, most hoydenish girl in the
town, but how to tell his love There
was the rub He had heard good deal
of language of the eyes and he ac-
cordingly tried that, but when he look
ed particularly hard at the window
where Emily was in the habit of sitting,
some person on the opposite side of the
street would invariably bow to him,
thinking he was endeavoring to catci,
their eyes. He has despised eyes ever
since then.
AT length Jack obtained an introduc-
tion through his sister, and with her he
called several times, but she was obliged
to leave the city for season and as each
interval only increased his ardor, he de-
termined on going it alone.
Long before the hour fixed upon by
custom for an evening visit, he found
himself arrayed in his best. Blue coat,
metal buttons, black cashmere pants,
(said pants being little tighter than the
skim, and a spotless vest.
The journals of the day state, as an
item of intelligence, that the thermome-
ter ranged from seventy-five to eighty
degrees. Jack swears it was over
hundred.
AS the hour gradually drew near,
Jack found courage and perspiration
oozing out together and he almost deter
mined to pull off and stay at home. He
concluded, however, that he would take
walk past the house and see how he
felt. BY the time he reached the man
sion, he firmly concluded not to go in,
but on casting his eyes toward the parlor
window, and perceiving no signs, he
thought it possible that no one was at
home, and since he had proceeded so far,
he would proceed further and leave his
card. No sooner determined than con-
cluded. In reckless moment he pulled
the bell the darned thing needn t make
such a noise The door was opened as if
by magic, and the servant girl politely
asked him in; Miss Emily was alone in
the parlor, and would be delighted to see
him.
o, cracky here was fix. Go in a
dark parlor with pretty girl alonel-
1t was too late to retreat; the girl had
closed the front door, and was pointing
to the parlor, where Miss Emily was.
Being perfectly convinced that no
choice was left him, into the dark room
he walked or Sided. All was perfect
chaos to his eyes for moment; then
from the deepest gloom came forth an
angel voice, " bidding him welcome and
draw near"
To obey the order was but the work of
of moment, as he supposed, but he lit
tie dreamed of the obstacles fate had
thrown in his way. He knew full well
that the stream of love had many rip
piles, but full-grown snags entered not
into his head.
Judge, then, of his establishment on
being tripped up, almost at the fair ones
feet, by fiat stool with plethoric legs,
which chance or careless servant had
placed exactly on the road to happiness.
Over he went,and as the tailor had not
allowed for an extra tension of the mus
cles and sinews, he not only procured a
tumble, but also compound fracture of
the black pants aforesaid, said fracture
extending all across that point which
comes in close contact with the chair.
Having picked himself up as careful
as circumstances would permit, he at
length succeeded in reaching chair, and
drawing his coat tails forward to pre-
vent disagreeable expose, sat himself
down with as much grace as bear would
when requested to dance upon pile of
needles.
The young lady was almost suffocated
with laughter at the sad misfortune of
Il IL