Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-07-10

of these sat crouched the baffled savage,
singing his own death hymn to the
tom-tom. He complained that he
must now say good-by to wife and
child, to the sunlight, to his gun and
the chase. He told his friends in the
spirit-land to expect him that night,
when he would bring them all the news
of their tribe. He swung his body
backwards and forwards as he chanted
his strange song, but never once looked
up-not even when his foe spurned
him with his foot He only sang on
and awaited his fate. Then the half
breed bent his head and spat down on
the crouching Sioux, and turned leisure
| ly awav-a crueler revenge than if he
had shot him dead
1t is not given to every one to play the
philosopher, and accept Fortunes
bullets and favors with equal placidity
Horatios are scarce; bnt there are
| plenty of people capable of acting like
Spartans where the trouble does not
touch their individuality. How can l
get out of this ?" asked an Englishman,
up to his armpits in q Scotch bog, of a
passer-by. 81 dinner think We can get
out of it," was the response of the
Highlander AS he vent on his way.
Mistress of herself was the spouse of
the old gentleman who contrived to
tumble off the ferry-boat into the Mis-
sissippi, and was encouraged to struggle
| for dear life by his better-half shouting:
"There, Samuel, didn't tell you SO {?
Now then, work your legs, flap your
arms, hold your breath, and repeat the
| Lords Prayer; for it's mighty onsartin,
Samuel, whether you land in Vicksburg
or eternity p
Thoroughly oblivious of court man.
ners was the red-cloaked old Kentish
dame who found her way into the tent
occupied by Queen Charlotte, volun-
teer review held shortly after her COM
ing to England, and after staring at the
royal lady with her arms akimbo, OBJ
served: "Well, she's not so ugly as
they told me she was p com pliment
the astonished queen gratefully &C
cepted, saying: "Well, my good wo-
man, | am very glad of that" Probab-
ly Her Majesty forgave her critics rude
ness as the outcome of rustic ignorance
and simplicity.
There is no cooler man than your
simple fellow. While Gen. Thomas
was inspecting the fortress of Chatta-
nooga with Gen. Garfield, they heard
some one shout: Hello, mister
You l want to speak to your Gen.
Thomas, turning, found he was the
"mister" so politely hailed by an East
Tennessean soldier.
well, my man." said he, "what do
you want with me?"
Il want to get furlough, mister,
that's what | want" was the reply.
Why do you want a furlough, my
man." inquired the general.
Wall, [ want to go home and see
nay wife"
"How long is it since you saw her !"
ever since / enlisted, nigh on to
three months. .....
"Three months. '' exclaimed the
astonished commander. Why, my
good fellow, [ have not seen my wife
for three years -
The Tennessean looked incredulous,
and drawled out: "Wall, you see, me
and my wife amt that sort"
The postmaster general of the United
States once received an odd official
communication. The Raeborn post
master, new to his duties, writing to
his superior officer: "Seeing by the
regulations, that [ am requested to send
you letter of advice, must plead in
excuse that [ have been postmaster but
short time: but [ will say, if your
Office pays no better than mine, adj
wise you to give it up" To this day,
that postmaster general has not decided
whether his subordinate was an 10
noramus or was quietly poking fun at
him.
Spite of the old axiom about self
praise, many are Of opinion that the
world IS apt to take a man at his own
valuation. If that be true, there is a
church dignitary in embryo somewhere
in the young deacon, whose examining
bishop felt it requisite to send for the
clergyman recOmm ending him for ordi-
nation, in order to tell him to keep that
young man in check; adding by way of
explanation: 81 had the greatest. diff
Guilty, sir, to prevent him examining
mer' This not to be abashed candidate
for clerical honor promises to be as
worthy of the cloth as the American
minister who treated his village con-
gregation to one of Mr.. Beecher's SER
mons, unaware that the popular Brook
lyn preacher made one of his hearers
Accusing him after service, Mr.. Beecher
said: "That was fair discourse; now
long did it take you to write it %
Cob, [ tossed it off one evening" was
the reply
Indeed !" said Mr.Beecher. Well
it took me much longer than that to
think out the framework of that SER
mon" .- ~. +
care you Henry Ward Beecher %
asked the ermon-stealer.
az am" said that gentleman.
"Well, them" said the other, not in
the least disconnected, call / have to
say is, that [ amt ashamed to preach
one of your sermons anywhere.
We do not know if Colman invented
the phrase, Gas cool as a cucumber :"
but he makes the Irishman in The Heir
at-La,v say: "These two must be rich
man that won't lend, and a borrower;