Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1878-12-16

Clergymen, like railway brakemen do
good deal of coupling.
"All true women" says the Boston
Post, "want to be patrons of husbandry."
A man is in no danger so long as he
talks his love; writing it impales him
on his own pot-hooks.
Little things should not be despised.
The little toe is the smallest on the foot,
but it always has the largest corn.
Said he Matilda, you are my dearest
duck" Said she, Augustus, you are
trying to stuff me" She was too sage
for him.
There are ten shades of red this season
in women's toggery. and 347 shade of
blue about the husband and father who
fOOts the dry-gOOds and millinery bills.
"The worst dose of hop bitters' I ever
had" said young man, "was the other
night, when took girl TO hop, and
some other fellow danced with her every
set."
An old bachelor said he once fell in
love with young lady. but abandoned
all idea of marrying her when he found
that she and all her family were opposed
to it.
The intention of the old deacon was
good, but the was in which he worded
his notice was infelicitious. He said:
"Any members of this congregation who
have left off wearing apparel will please
contribute the same to the poor.
Second class in grammar stand up"
said the schoolmaster. John is-"Who
does John correspond with 2" 81 know"
said little boy at the foot holding up
his hand. "If you mean John Smithers,
he corresponds with my sister Susan"
''How to get rich. A rare secret
Send twenty-five cents to George Fuller
ton. box Alb Portland. Me-" Prompted
by curiosity, she forwarded the money,
and received the following reply: "Work
like the devil, and never spend cent
"Do you say your prayers regularly
every night and morning?" asked a
sympathetic lady of little shoeblack to
whom she had just given triAe. 81
allus sez 'um at night mum; but any
smart boy can take care of hisself in the
day time" was the little rOgue's reply.
1t is better not to ask too many ques-
tions about the future. A curious hus-
band-that is husband who was too
curious-asked his wife: "My dear,
what kind of stone do you think they
will give me when | am gone p She
answered, coyly. birthstone, John"
"Oh, know she loves me-" cried the
grief-stricken youth, as he leaned his
head down on Joe Reigels bar and sigh
ed convulsively. "But how do you know
she prefers your rival ?" asked friend
"Ah," was the sad reply, ii saw hcl
look bias at him at the last social hop.
Young America has been always noted
for his inquiring mind. One of th'
many budding Presidents was told th'
other day by his "school marm" the story
of William Tells famous shooting feat
The only comments the boy made upoI
! the story of the patriotic parent was
"Who ate the apple afterwards 2"
, A Methodist and Quaker having
stopped at public house agreed to sleel
in the same bed. The Methodist knel
down and prayed fervently. and confess
ed a long catalogue of sins. After h
rose the Quaker observed, Really
friend, if thou art as bad as thou sayes
thou art, | think l dare not sleep wit
thee"
At one of the stations on certain
D railway, recently, an anxious inquire
came to the door of the baggage car AM
said: "Is there anything for me :?
After some search among boxes an
trunks, the baggage-man rolled out ke
of whiskey. Anything more ?" aske
: the wet grocer. s.Yes," said the bag
gage-man. '.there's gravestone tha
goes with that liquor"