The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1878-09-01
She CANE Make I'D Her Mind.


~ Is undoubtedly true thot a man and q
woman may marry and enjoy much happi-
ness In tho welded state, though ono or
both of them, before the wedding ceremony,
faded 10 be very much in love. Tho woman
may have got over her early droams Of tho
rapturcs OF tho grand passion, perhaps after
sad experience, or the man may be only
satisfied that he HI going TO get, what he
wants and means TO tako good caro- of q
iirst-ratc wife. Hc Is thoroughly satisfied
with his choice AMI means to settle down
into most exemplary husband. She knows
he is the sort of man who will do all no
promises and SEQ that she has everything TO
mako her happy. Ardent lovers cannot
invariably create that sort Of confidence in
q sensible woman.
Thus they both understand each other thor
oughly before the wedding and after IL. and
NJ neither cNncts too much of the her they
Jog along through life quito contcntcd; and
the first thing they know they find that they
arc really in love, 10 all intcnts and pur-
poscs. At any rate, she n very fond of him,
and he would not exchange hor for any other
wife whom no knows.
Mcanwhlr thoy SEQ in their ncghborhood
ll'iNitti'iS anu " AN'F WIZ iVui'l Nfdlitl) fNii-
tain themselves Tor love before marriage,
who after n few years of conjugal cNpcri-
ctoc enjoy almost any other society better
than that ~ each other. These couples were
probably not Quitr 40 much in love AZ thoy
fanoied they were during their courtship.
or they may be very selfish or cantankcrous
individuals, who don't know how TO be
happy under any circumstances whatever
On they may lc 40 made that they can't bc
content unless they always have their own
way, and that is n very hard thing to get in
this world of opposing human desires and
interests. loumay wish 10 do just az the
mood leads YOU, but other people may wish
otherwise and then there Is trouble.
But by all this we do not mean To put a
dampcr on the ardor of the feelings Of our
young friends, the lovers. Let them love
just a. much a. they can. and refuse to go
To the marriage altar unless sweet schtl-
mcnt holds the torch. What a sight IL is To
see n happy bride and proud groom
marching out Of church to the notes Of the
Wedding March How revolving tine Thought
if the newly mated are joined by law but
not 10y lovel Therefore our repeated and
emphasized advice To- the lovers Is tobc sure
that they are fond 81 each other. and To get
over all their misgivings about the matter
before they call in the parson to tie the knot
II If a bad thing to repent too late in these
cases
Surely girl ought TO know before the
wedding whether She IL in love or not.
Most girls do know; and though they may
put on the happy day, they are glad enough
when it comes. But there are few girls 50
ovcr-conscicntious that they are afraid they
will tell n lie If they -ay they are in love-
even though they think they are They
may not have examined their hearts thor
oughly enough. There are others who have
got themselves in such a state Of doubt and
mystiilcation regarding the tender passion
by the reading OF novels and verses. and
have SO many tests to apply to it in them
selves, that they tire out the patience of
the fellows who are counting them. Why
can't they say yes or no? That ought to be
an easy enough thing TO do.
A correspondent asks us concerning
young lady who has such misgivings to a
remarkable degree. She doesn't know
whether she loves him or not and yet she
insists on wearing his engagement ring:
"sin About c.h' months ago I ton In love with a
y, ~, badly. wno seemed g. receive ~, with favor II
nuH until proposed SIZE requested zine e. de-
cidr aud m few weeks size d,>Dl,d in my favor int
could not profess love well a. re. with the hone Of
love coming ~ time, Iut finS upon her hn~t which
have since removed. and broken the turaseuouf fut
she requested me To not call II hro', and replace
the rins. and At seemed almost impossible Tor to
part with her dt follarc the ring. and have waited
patiently and impatc ny tor hrr feelings chansc bat
sull they are Tie sam, although she wishes TO love
hut can't She now proposes to get married nny way.
with the hone OF tho love coming arcrw nd. hut It
VIII make both unhappy. she - in great trouble aud
to have decision ; ~
ion Will greatly obise constant reader by deciding the
best course to pursue. -. II CO
You We're foolish to give the engagement
ring under any such circumstances You
ought to have told her that you would make
the visit TO the jewellers only on condition
that she promised to marry you. For why
give the ring which implies betrothal il
there IL no bctrOthal? A sensible girl is
proud to get the ring and give her heart in
return for it. The only condition she asks
from the giver is that ho shall stick TO his
word and not 20 making love TO other girls.
So long as he keeps that promise she is not
worried by any m!sgivngs, and she has no
need to he.
But in this ease the girl is in doubt whcth-
er she loves our friend or not, and yet she
won't give up the ring That is simply
tolerate such behavior. Our advice to him
is 10 insist on having his ring back again.
That would bring matters TO speedy
crisis. She would then soon find out whether
she was in love or not. lie might also, while
she was invoking her conscience and invcs-
tigating her heart, protltably leave her to
conduct the business without his society II
he stayed around she might be all at sea
again We will wager that before the week
is out she will be SO eager to get the ring
back on her finger that her doubts will no
longer harass her.
1t would he entirely safc to marry her. So
far ms hei love is concerned That would
come surely enough after the wedding. But
suppose she nj some future time began to
doubt again? The danger is in MARI. ing
her at all, love or no love.
Independent Young Men.
II is very much TO be desired that IA large
tf IA