St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-08-09
Squibs.

Did you ever catch your clothes
lynn p Whitehall Times. No, but we've
heard 'em rip and tear like anything
IrdUeller.
'Did you ever dabble in stOcksq"
asked lawyer of witness who was
known to have fed from his native
land to the asylum of the free. "Well,
yes, got my foot in 'em once, in the
old country" was the reply.
The Burlington Hawkeye is RESPONSE
BILE for this: A compOsitOr in a Spring
field newspaper Office got into a quar-
rel with the foreman the other day, and
struck him on the head with the towel,
fracturing the skull and causing instant
death.
A man was once brought before the
late Judge Stevens of Lawrence, charg-
ed with petty offence. The respon-
dent proved that the offence was COM
mitted across the line in the town of
Salem, N. H., and pleaded bar to the
jurisdiction of the court. Exactly
replied the court, "but you had your
mind on it in Lawrence, and / fine you
SIS and COSTS"
Charles Lamb once wrote poem
on "ThOughtless Cruelty,n beginning,
"There, Robert, you have killed that
fly" 1t is a very pretty poem, but in
the present season would be poor Sc
lection to read to a bald headed man
trying to write in a room with an open
window.
1t takes one hundred and twenty
three Trunks, packages and parcels to
contain the travelling outfit of James
Gordon Bennett and sister. A family
of eight persons out West can travel
from place to place with no more lug
gage than tobacco box and dog
Detroit Free Press.
"WhO," asks gloomy, doubling ed
itOr, "can restore peace and prosperity
to our once happy country 2" Well, if
no one else will accept the job, and it
is imperative that the work of restoring
should be done at once, we don't mind
abandoning our proposed trip to Paris
and performing the task. But we shall
expect pretty good pay for our work.
1t is worth at least SO per day to re-
store peace and prosperity to our once
happy country, and we don't suppose
that the labor could be thoroughly ac-
complished inside of two months, work
ing, ten hours per day.-NOrr. Herald.
Is bass drum music sold by the pound
-Derter Smith. Yes; and tenor drum
music by the roll.-Kingpood Journal.
And harp music by the cord. Norris
tOaon Herald. And hand-organ music
by the pennyweight. = Graphic. And
horn music by the drain = Gin. Sat.
Night. And cat music by the yard
the rear Whitehall Times. Church mu
sic is sometimes by the quart-ette.--
Genera Gazette. And bag pipe music is
always by the Ballston Journal
And chin music by the YELL Fulton
Go. Republican. And piano music by
the gallon the piano.-St. John Torch
Has anybody said anything about the
viol Y-BurlingtOn Ha,okeye.
A young Oil Citizen calls his sweet
heart Revenge because she is sweet
OIL City Derrick. And the young mar
ried man ON South Hill calls his moth
er-in-law Delay because she is danger
ous.-Burlington HatOkeye. And a
South End man calls his wife Fact, be-
cause she is stubborn thing.-Boston
Globe. And fourth wife of District
Attorney calls his Necessity, because
he knows no law.-Ne,0 Orleans Times
And a Cincinnati man names his coach.
man Procrastination, because he stole
his watch.-Breakfas Table. And 8
| Syracuse man calls his wife Sluggard
because she gets mad and goes to he
aunt every time he stays out to the
lOdge.-Syrdcus Times. A Yonkers maj
calls his wife Frailty, because Shakes.
peare says, ''Frailty, thy name il
woman:"-Yonkers Gasette. And New
York insurance agent calls his wife
Honesty, because it's the best policy
Neao York Herald. And fellow wht
has played the lodge business too mucl
and can't stay out after 10 P. M, with
out permission, calls his wife Eterna
Vigilance, because she is the price o
his liberty.-Ne,O York Telegram. %