The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1878-10-17

pants on ana got cola WHICH bWelieu
his Jaw so that when he went again his
picture didn't fit Bridgeport Standard.
DIoGENEs, being presented at feast
with goblet of wine, threw it on the
ground. When blamed for wasting so
much good liquor, he answered; -" Had
| drunk it, there would have been
double waste--I as well rs the wine
would have been lost"
A GREEN Middletown boy invited
three girls into confectionery, where
he said he would buy them something.
lie bought penny ball of popcorn and
divided it between them. When he told
of it he said he treated the girls, and it
didn't cost him much either.
EDWARD LooNEE resides in Phila.
delphia. And this suggests frightful
conundrum, to-wit: What is the differ
ence between the alleged planet Vulcan
and this Philadelphia gentleman? One
is a lunar mystery and the other is
Mr.. +. Looner. - NOriStO,Cn Herdld
ACTIVITY.
The torrent wave that breaks with force
Impctuous down the Alpine height
Complains and struggles In its course,
But sparklcs as the diamond bright.
The stream, in shadowy valley deep,
May slumber in its narrow bed,
But silent in unb oxen sleep
Its luster and its life are fed.
A FARMER who lives twelve miles out
of Boston drove into the city with load
of hens in coops, arriving at the market
about sunrise, and found row of fowls
under the wagon on pole connecting
the two axes They had roasted there,
and retained their hold during the long
ride.
YuNG man, perhaps yu had better be
Il munky than philosopher; if yu play
the munky well, mankind will look upon
themselves as superior to yu and tossyu
hats and quarters, but if you play the
philosopher they will konsider yu SUI
pcrior to them and shun yu ackordinly.
Josh billings,
AN Englishman was Boosting to a
Yankee that they had book in the
British Museum which was once owned
by Cicero. ooh, that amt nOthin',"
rctorted the Yankee; in the museum
in Boston they've got the lead-pencil
that Noah used to check off the animals
that went into the ark"
THAT'S very stupid brute of yours,
john" said a Scottish minister to his
parishioner, the peat-dealer, who drove
his merchandise from door to door in
small cart drawn by donkey; " | never
see you but the creature is braying."
"Ah, sir" said the peat-dealer, eye ken
the hearts warm when friends meet"
HERE is what was sung recently al a
religious meeting of colored men in the
South:
"If YOU see Peter asleep at de gate,
Kase ds night befo' he was up so late,
You needn't 'Spect, with your load OF sin,
Dat you'll slip past him. and steal right in;
DE angels always acts on de squar';
Dey know you here and dey'll know you dar."
"ThERE are no circumstances under
which honesty and integrity of purpose
will not stand man in good stead,"
saws some philosopher; but we would
like to know how it will help the man
who finds himself suddenly forced to
associate with u bulldog in an orchard
with high fence around it.-BraaE-
fast Table.
"WHAT news to-day? ?" said amerchant
to his friend lately. "What news"
responded the other. Nothing, only
things grow better-people are getting
on their legs again" con their legs"
said the first 81 don't see how you
can make that out" "Why, yes" re-
piled the other; folks that used to ride
are obliged to walk now; is not that
getting on their legs again.
A LONDON medical journal gives an
account of school of beauty which
has been established in that city, the
members pledging themselves to do
everything in their power to render
themselves beautiful. How fat widow
with false teeth and glass eye can do
much in that direction, is conundrum
we cannot attempt to answer BREAK
FIST Table.
A GENEROUS New Yorker, who has
been spending his summer in Montgom-
cry, lost his pocket-book, containing four
hundred and forty dollars, on the road
to Westfield the other day. 1t was
found by the stage-driver and returned
TO the Yorker, who counted it over and
said: az Yes, it's all here. Much obliged.
I'll speak of your honesty to my New
York friends. "-SprinQftM Republican.
WHY are baseball players like cooks?
Because they make good batters.-Ne,o
York Mail. And like porcelain, because
they make beautiful pitchers. And like
the man of the period, because they
make long stops. And like tavern
keepers, because they depend on their
innings. And like Myron Whitney,
because they are base-bawlers. And like
lirst-class lunatics because-because-
why because they are!-Philadeiphia
Bulletin.