The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-08-03
|, CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

~ years oiu'
A lady Joking about her nose, said; Il mad
nothing to do in shaping 1t. 1t was Dirlho"y
present"
A St. Louis paper remarks that while the neat
is not as intense as it was a week ago, yet We
don't notice any iciclcs lying around,
To THE EDITOR OF THE SUN--SU: VIII you
kindly inform me which translation oi hohA0h
you consider the very best! D. T. a.
We are free to say that we consider JAY
GouLp's the very worst.-N. !. Sun
II was not "an intelligent contraband who sue
ceeded in crossing the lines" but John A. Logan
in his bl cody shirt speech before the Republican
Committee at Chicago last week, who brought
the startling report that 'the rebels are fortliy-
ing positions north Of the Potomac"
notorious thief preached to North Carolina
BAPTIST congregation six months before IL was
found out that he was not a clergyman. MS
conduct during that half year was eXcelIeht, ms
sermons eloquent, and he says he INTENDED toI
turn over n new leaf.-N. Y. Sun.
Several notorious thieves who stole the presi-
dency away from Tilden are in high positions att
Washington, but then there is no sign Of their
turning over q new leaf
Il
celebrated Damascus steely' Is the way cores
pOndent begins his letter Certainly; we don't
care Damascus anything you want to.-Bioo6.
oNe Democfa
Every once in a while we hear of California
woman killing a bear This is all right But we
challenge the world to ransack the pages oil his,
tory and show where woman has ever got,
away with mouse.-Oa city De7r'ek'
"Therc is one thing that | regret said the
Fraudulent President upon taking an aiiectlonate
leave of Mrs jerks, "and that is that you are
not an Ohio woman."
Rock river raised at this roint nve feet Friday
night.-DiL6n Sur.
The mechanical power Of water, we know, is
tremendous, but if the five feet referred to were
Dixon feet, particularly If covered with the ordi-
nary Dixon pegged boot, the waters of Rock
river must have been put their muscle to raise
such weight
She was plump and beautiful, and he was wild
~ fond Of her; she hated him, but, woman-lkc,
she strove TO catch. He was a flea.-N. Y. Sun.
4 woman dislocated her shoulder while at
tempting to lift a pail Of water to throw in her
husbands face.
When will women learn to call out the fire de
partment when anything Of this kind is to be
done?-Johet Sun.
A celebrated composer wrote to friend re-
questing the pleasure of his company "to lunch
con; key Of g." His friend, thorough must
clan, interpreted the invitation rightly and came
TO the composers house for luncheon at one
sharp.
= heated lover wrote letter of the hot order
to his inamorata last week, beginning "Swcat
est" She will be sister to him hereafter
nothing more. A girl may sweat; but judicious
lover will never ask her any questions about it.
man in Austin, New, remarked, "If | were
Titon would not want to live. | would be like
Judas lscarot, and take a siX-shooter and go oil
to some secluded spot and blow off the top of my
head" How ignorant those Nevada people are,
II was ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS who went out with a six
shooter and shot the top of his head off.
Married, in Chicago, Mr.. William Blatt, to
Miss Frances Lamm:
A little Lamm has got her Blatt,
No more Il Lamm is she,
But she viii Blatt in spite Of that
Her nature tits, you see;
And if she'd lost her lovely Blatt,
A Lamm she still would be-
monition stuck up in the public park to keep
off the grass" the police officer in charge seat.
tered tar over the grass. The device was rather
cruel, but eflectual.
1t was 1O2 in the shade when George Wash
ington Childs, A. NJ, struck his Tyre and sang:
Put away the broken pieces
OF our lost thermometer;
Tears of perspiration shed we
Der the fate befallen her,
Gone, but not forgotten, is she;
Write above her little grave
Write in language simple: Busted
BY an isOthcrmal wave"
Did the Prophet Isaiah ever eat at Il railroad
stationy IL certainly looks so, for how could he
have describedt so literally If he had noty "And
nc shall snatch ON the right hand and he hungry;
and he shall eat on the left hand, and they shall
not be satisfied ". Y. GTdphc.
This is the kind of literature that Brother Muir
ply hats TO combat in Boston;
Little bits Of lemon,
Little chunks OF ice,
Little water N sugar
Make Il man feel nice.
This is the way II horrible poisoning case was
telegraphed to the New York papers:
NORWICH, Conn, June IA post-mortem
examination discloses poison in the stomach Of
City Collector Cobb, who died June 6. His
neighbor, the Wesleyan Bishop, is suspended.
An examination discloses poison in the body Of
the bishops wife. Mrs, Cobb is implicated.
For 1.-THE Wesleyan Bishop" read wesley
Bishop" even II you don't know there are no
Wesleyan bishops.
IT'S now the happy harvest time
Comes to the little ants;
IT'S now the playful bumblc.bee
Crawls up the small boys pants.
IT'S now the jmgling ce-cream man
Makes sultry households glad;
IT'S now the festive yellow jacket
Gets petulant and mad.
It's now the pert thermometer
Goes on Its annual tears
And sweetly the average citizen
Gets on his ear and swears
Ns11 Orleans Times.
THE WITCHES or SYRACUSE.
First Witch.
Thrice for us the people shout.
Socoad witch
Twice we're called and twice sold ont