Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1878-07-24
HumOrsOme Waits.

A YOUNG lady being asked where her
native place was replied 81 have none; |
am the daughter of Methodist preacher"
A MAN, on marrying his fourth wife,
handed the minister very small fee, with
the comforting remark This is all that
have been in the habit Of paying"
The cheerful persistency of an onion in
growing and thriving even when burdened
with an old bedstead, barrel or two, and
veteran mattrass, should be some excuse for
the way its flavor sticks to the teeth.
THE superintendent approached youth
of color who was present for the first time in
Sunday-school, and inquired his name, for
the purpose Of placing it on the roll. The
good man tried in vain to preserve his gray
ity when the answer was returned Well,
massa calls me Cap'n, but my maiden name
is Noses"
WHEN" asks the Warrensburg (Mis-
sour) Press, when is the time to travel ?"
When YOU hear her fathers foot on the
third step, young man, is about as good a
time as any to start and you can prolong
! the tour 10 suit your own convenience and
the length of the old mans cane, From the
innocence with which you ask the question,
we suppose you didn't travel until he was
clear into the paror. Served you right
Burlington Hatckeye.
"Is this seat next to you engaged ?"
asked the traveller of young lady in the
cars "Yes, sir; it is," 1t was the only
vacant seat aud the traveller wanted it.
.Who's engaged it ?" "A gentleman, be-
lieve," she said "Wel he can't engage a
seat this way and not sit in it. | don't see
any baggage Where's his baggage2" And
he was on the point of sitting down, when
the young lady, mastering all her courage,
exclaimed; 90 sir I'm his baggage"
AN inventor will shortly take out a patent
for cataphone. BY means of wires stretched
along back yard fences and house tops, he
CONVEYS with the aid of some simple machin-
cry, all concatenated caterwauls into an air.
tight barrel, By another simple contrivanoe
the sounds in the barrel can be compressed,
and used in quantities for fire and burglar
alarms, The inventor predicts that he will
give the boys something that will make
Rome howl. For blasting rocks, he says it
is just the thing.
A YOUNG man in Kingston, N, Y, being
out of employment recently, requested of a
former employer a letter of recommendation
to aid him in securing a situation. The
letter was written and handed to the ap-
plicant, who was totally unable to read it,,
as was every other person 10 Whom IL was
shown. A friend advised him to take it to
printing office, where it would be deci-
phered, as compositors are noted for being
able to make out the worst specimens of
chirography 1t was given to compositors in
various printing establishments, and in turn
given up without being deciphered, AT last,
as a forlorn hope, it was given to the pre-
scription clerk in drug store, who has the
reputation of being able to read anything.
The man of drugs took the screed, gazed at
it long aud thoughtfully, and finally seized
an empty quart bottle aud then made raid
around the store, taking some fluid of various
colors from sundry bottles, and finally shak-
ing the compound most vigorously then
handing it to the possessor of the letter of
recommendation, he remarked TO that much
astounded individual 1.-Two dollars, and a
very good cough mixture it is y