Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1878-09-22
Humor Of the Day.


A wit said of a piece where the scenery
required to be changed necessarily that
it was "a very moving play"
Gussie-LiZzie darling. why do you
wear another woman's halr2 Lizzie
Gussie dear, why do you wear another
ca, I mean. why do you wear calf's
skin on your hands,
Aunt Mary-Here. Ethel dear, I have
brought you some honey drops. Mamma
rill she has cough. Ethel (after wait
ing two or three minutes)-I've got a
cough now.
Now, then, madame, please look
steadily at this place on the wall said a
photographer TO an old lady, when he
had put her in position and the plate in
the camera The old lady looked hard at
the spot indicated, then got up and
walked across the floor and minutely in
spected it, and then, turning to toe pho
tographer, gently remarked, Il don't see
anything there"
Two Highlanders, killed in primitive
order, dropped inadvertently into an
Episcopal chapel on Sunday, and seated
themselves in a comfortable pew. Hav-
ing never been in an Episcopal chapel be-
fore, their establishment cannot be de-
scribed on a beautiful symphony being
struck up by the organist. Al that in
slant gentleman came to take posses
sion of the seat, and civilIy laid his hand
on the shoulder of one Of them, and
pointed to the door. "Hout t0ut!' cried
the Highlander, "tak out Donald there;
he be far better dancer than me-
To know whether garden has been
planted or not, paper gives the follow
ing rule: 'sIf one forgets whether beds
are planted or not, good way to tell is
to turn stray cat into the garden. If
the beds are planted the cat will proceed
to race round and dig into them, ard act
as If it had relatives in China whom 1t
was anxious to get at; while, it they are
not, it will sit down calmly in the path
and seem to be meditatlng on the
progress of missionary work IN Africa A
matter"
The matrons of society are complain
ing Of the gross want Of politeness ex-
hibited by the young men of the day, who
it seems,as a rule,ignore the r. S. V.P. of
invitation cards, and leave the hostess in
doubt as to The number Of guests she
may expect One of these insolent youths
received neat rebuff when, On drawing
forth as the excuse for not having written
"Oh, you know, now men don't answer"
he was met by the remark, mo, men do
MOI answer, but gentlemen do
fhe other night two Englishmen enter
ed the pit Of German theater, and as
soon as the curtain went up one OF them
began to talk to his companion IN their
native tongue. Their nelghbors prompt
~ requested him to be silent. "Why
should be silent?' asked the unwelcolne
visitor. because everybody is here to
listen, somebody replied. Con the con-
trary, I am here to speak THAT is
poor Jest" 'sNot at all. | am an inter
prefer, and as such have been paid to
translate the piece to this gentleman as it
goes on"
"Throughout he hot and dusty day
The sprinkling sprinkler sprinks its way,
| And sprinkles sprinalings Up and down
! The sprinkful precincts of the toWa.
In vain have sprinkled ladies swore
At crossings sprinkly sprinkled DER;
In vain the sprightly sprnkling boots
That sprinkling sprinkler sprinkles on
Until its sprinkling sprink is done,
Nor pauses for curse or thank
Unless its final sprink is sprank"
Here is a naval story, not a-dozen years
old, which reveals the amusing ignorance
Of senior officer in matters outside his
profession. A lieutenant on board an
English guardship applied to his captain
| for leave to go on shore. 1t was refused.
He asked again; the same answer, more
peremptory than before. He repeated
his request and asked for reasons of
refusal Both were still obstinately with.
held. ''But sir" he expostulated, s'if l
ask for leave, and you refuse it without
giving me any reasons, [ shall walk about
the deck with stigma onmy back" oBy
George, sir" cried the irate and rather
unreasonable captain, ''if | catch you
walking up and down her Majesty's deck
with any thing but her Majestys uniform
on your back, I'll have you tried by
court-martial."
Just before a late thunderstorm man
stepped into d telegraph Office and re-
quested the privilege Of talking through
the telephone with his wife, who was
visiting the managers wife at distant
telegraph station. The assistant manager
granted the request, and the man began
operations. He couldn't be prevailed
upon to believe that it was really his wife
who was talking to him, and she so many
miles away. He finally asked her to say
or do something known to themselves
only, that he might be convinced that it
was she. Just then ram bling streak of
lightning came on the wires, hitting the
husband violently on the head, when he
jumped to his feet and exclaimed: II am
satisfied, all correct"
4 r:k