The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-02-14
WIT AND HCMOR.

" NA0O vi COlllu0-SScdD0.
"AND what makes my little JOHNNY so
cross this morning ?" 'Dot up s. urly."
EXPERIENCE may be dear teacher. but
she isn't any dearer than pretty school
ma'am.
The presiding officer at the CONNER
cial travellers dinner was hailed as the
drum major"
ARE your words of more weight when
you PROFOUND anything than when you
announce it?
TAKE care of the pennies and the
pounds will be taken care of by some
other person.
The difference between a boy and
barn is that shingles are applied to the
roof of the barn.
"TEL1 your mistress that I've torn the
curtain, =" said lodger to a female DO
mestic. every we'll, sir; mistress will
put it down in the bill as extra rent"
"s1R, do you mean to say that speak
falsely?" said person to French gentle
man. "No, sare, [ say not dat sare, I
say you walk around about the truth
very much"
Chow LONG are you going to stay
here? ?" "Why, my little dear?"
""Cause I'm hungry, and mamma says
we shall have dinner as soon as that
dreadful nuisance goes away"
FRED, " said the young man the other
day after listening to his wonderful story,
"do you know why you are like harp
struck by lightning?" "No," says Fred.
81 give it up" "Because a harp struck
by lightning is blasted Tyre. -
Two HIGH-sooIErY little maidens were
contending as to the highest respectable
ity Of standing of their separate papas.
when one sought to cap the climax by
the statement W." I'd have you know that
my pa is the President of savings bank,
and there's been Receiver appointed.
So there P'-Puck.
"GTvE me some cold rice. said a guest
at hotel to a black waiter. ''Dere amt
none, sab" "Why, what's that on the
side board, in that dish, there ?" "Dat,
sab, am cole billed rice. You asked sim
ply for cole rice, sab. Please be exact
in your language, sab. Shall I glib you
some oh de cole billed rice, sah?"
TEE Detroit Free Press announces
that it has more poetry on hand than it
"can make use Of for the next six
months. Now that the backbone of
summer is broken, and winter came in
bowling with the New Year, we should
think the Free Press could make use of
about two bushels day-if it's chimney
has good draught, that is.-Norwi8t0a0
Herald.
A wE1L-KNowN Crab Orchard man, who
is pretty fond of his bitters, was seen in
Stanford last week with blue ribbon
pinned on his coat A friend inquired,
" Have you joined the Murphys, Judge9"
" Not exactly" he replied; ct only
wear this in the hope that some one will
ask me to take drink under the impress
sion that I'll refuse. "-Stontord (Ky.)
Journal.
THE BRITISH LION.
The poor British lion is feeling unwell
And what in ured his health it is easy to tell:
Twas growl from Prince Bismarck, frown from
the Gear,
That gave him his cough and his nasty catarrh.
But his system of alate has grown feeble and weak:
There's no tooth in his " jaw" and no bone in his
''cheek."
He has lost all his liking for trouble and toll,
And what suits him is quiet and cod-liver oil
Dublin Nation.
CRUMBS FROM THE BREAKFAST TABLE.
The boy who grows up with an over
whelming fear of dogs will not develop
into book-agent in after life.
It is ten times easier for a man to
thread needle than for young lady
with high heels and false hair to become
a student in Quaker college.
O'Leary, the walkist, used to be a
collector in Chicago, and that's bow he
to find out his legs would do
to bet on.
When Lycurgus ordered the Spartan
mint to make Scent piece as big and
heavy as grindstone, he was determined
TO keep County Treasures from yearn-
ing to travel abroad.
A woman will face froWning werld
and cling to the man she loves through
he most bitter adversely, but she
wouldn't wear hat three weeks behind
5he style to save the Government.
There may be an eternal fitness in
Ill things, but it's mighty hard for anun-
'hackled mind to make out why soap
at man should have a voice as plaintive
md full of woe as camp-meeting ex-
lorter.
Did you ever read patent
advertisement without thinking it would
lave made Solomon feel as though he
hadn't got much farther along than the
halfway house on the road to wisdom?
Whenever man begs chew of the
I. j.. L
I'd keeping the wolf from somebody's
DOR. The tobacco interest in this
ountry gives employment to more than
million persons.
st don't lose sleep worrying about
he silver question, % said Origins; for
makes mighty little difference to me
neither I have to pay my debts in rock
alt or cabbage-leaves. The tough end
the problem is the paying part"