The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1878-09-17
HOW I GOT MY FIRST WIFE.

i that was granted exemption Tor one
month from my desk and went down
with my chum Horace Hyatt to his
fathers's In old Monmouth, the garden
of that unjustly abused State, New
Jersey. 1 should never have forgotten
that visit, even though had not there
met with an adventure that had its in
fluence on the whole of my future life.
lshould remember 1t for the real true hos
pitality ofthe Hyatts, for the solid old time
comfort of the farm, and the quiet way
in which within couple of days after
my arrival was put into possession of
it, and made to feel that 1t all belonged
to me, to do just what pleased with.
There were plenty of horses, and we
rode; plenty of fish, and we fished;
plenty OF woodcock, and we shot. All
this shall be spoken of with a proviso.
1 say we, by which let it be understood
that 1 do not mean Horace's two sisters,
Carrie and Nettie, as having participat-
ed in all these sports.
For some days after my arrival at the
farm curiosity had been much excited
by the occasional panegyric lavished by
the young ladies upon once school
fellow of their own, May Stevens by
name, who was, according to their high
ly colored account, the most perfect
thing in the shape of woman then
living.
"And so she is coming at last I'm
so glad! !"
Whether it was that the train of my
thought was upon that point at the
moment or what L cannot say, but 1
knew directly the whole matter. L saw
Carrie with an open letter in her hand,
and coupling it with Nettie's words 1
knew that the heretofore only heard of
May Stevens was about to become a
reality. 1 had no need to ask questions !;
all the incompatible May, was to spend
month at Hyatt's and they were to
expect her at any moment, though as
| the letter read, she might not be down
for week to come. My whole mind
was now absorbed in making the best
| figure possible before the new queen.
| My choicest morsels of wardrobe should
| be offered on the shrine of May Stevens.
Iabsented myself to go to town on
the plea of sudden memory of business
neglected, and had faithfully promised
| Nettie and Carrie that the next day
should see me down again at Hyatt's to
stay out the month that May Stevens,
| the wonderful, was about to pass with
| them.
Iarrived at my city rooms, and for
| six hours dressed and redressed, CON-
| pared, rejected and selected, and at the
end of that time had laid out those
portions of my wearable goods, in which
had decided to make my first appear.
apce before May Stevens. 1t wanted
still several hours to sunset, and having
got safely through the great object of my
visit, thought it would not be a bad
idea for me to take thelast train, and re.
turn the same night to Hyatt's, instead
of waiting over until morning. Nc
sooner said than done. 1 packed my
habiliments, and away went Whiz-
zing and putting over an uninteresting
road is provocative of sleep, SO 1 found
it when the shades of evening fell, for
to the best of my recollection, was in
the very midst of dream, in which
May Stevens, attired in book-muslin and
pale blue satin, sat on purple cloud
and admiringly inquired who my tailor
was. Just as L was about to inform her
there came crash, and, for a moment
1 was not entirely certain whether il
was the cloud that had exploded or my.
self had torn some portion of my ap
parel that was overstrained. 1t required
out moment to awaken me to the fact
that both presumptions were wrong. II
was our train, the 6:26, that had run of
the track smashing things generally ,anc
spilling the contents of several cars
along the road, to say nothing of fright
ening half hundred passengers into {
condition bordering on lunacy. Blu
most terrible of all mishaps, it spilled
me, clothes and all, into pool of muC
and water, from which escaped with
life but utterly wrecked in the matter o.
good clothes. This was pretty state o
things; and to make it still worse,
was exactly five miles from my destina
ton. was disposed to make myself
agreeable and would have Willingly
rendered all the assistance in my powe
to the unprotected females of the wreck
ed train, if l had been in condition t.
be seen, but, heartily ashamed of my