The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1878-01-05
HUMOROUS.


bonnet-probably.
THE man who promised to get his boys
some new skates this winter, has since
concluded to "let 'em slide"
THE street-car drivers and conductors
get heavier salaries than any other set of
men in town. They are paid off in
nickles and pennies.
The man who went into ecstacies over
lady's hand couldn't see any beauty
in her husbands foot This is not an
original observation.
You put your finger in water You
pull it out and look for the hole This is
very much like putting money in Chi
cago savings bank.
WHEN she bestrode his " bugle" with
q clothes-pin, and thereby stopped his
snoring, he said he'd always thought the
habit could be conquered in a pinch.
The man who around during the fall
lecturing on How to Get Rich, is try
ing to borrow enough money to take his
last winters ulster out of pawn.
A WESTERN genius has patented an
artificial tree that blooms and buds.
But isn't this an infringement, we ask,
on some other patent leaves?-AeW York
Comic Aduertiser.
| HARDIS-A contemporary records the
! fact that @ sailor walked into the sea
and was drowned" Was it expected
that he would walk into the sea and be
burned ?-Lmdoa Fun.
THE difference between the black and
white race is easily explained. When Il
white man is choking he turns black, but
when a colored man is in the same fix
he doesn't turn anything but his eye
| balls
| A LANCASTER county man saved the
! life of a mule that was dying from collie,
and the mule returned the compliment
! by enabling the mans wife to realize ON
his insurance policy.
"PAPA," said bright Springfield boy
lust home from a sleight-of- hand enter
tainment, 81 wish | was eonjurer."
"Why, my son?' 81 would turn you
into rat, call up the cat, and wouldn't
[ have funp'
IT is said there is something noble in
honorable poverty, and there is hardly
an editor in the country who does not
feel himself loaded to the muzzle with
laurels of this glorious but inconyenient
character.-Hawkeye.
TANTALIzING-To see love of bon
net in milliner's window and not be
able to buy it. More t9ntalizing-to
see a little darling gazing longingly at
the bonnet and not being able to crafty
her.
A MINISTER says that while visiting
colored school in the Southern States he
| ocIyo n hot hn ,oI 70
and what was his object in attending
school. Hesitating for moment or two,
the little fellow answered: "To get
offs"
SAY, Charley, said one friend to
another on meeting, " hear our friend
Brown has been dabbling in stocks
lately; has he made anythingp Yes"
says Charley, che has made an ASST n-
ment."
THE tenting season is now over, the
trick mule has returned to his stall, the
clown no longer hooks the corners of his
mouth over his ears, and the small boy
besides to devote the remnant of his in
come to the evangelization of the
heather.
THE laird Halo, Sandy, here is a
fine heap of newspapers | suppose you
know what il going on as we'll as any of
us?' Sandy: INA, ma, sir. A dinna
ken word that's in them. There's ma
time for that nool Am keeping them
a. for winter. Fun
TRUE Valor.-Country gentleman to
foreign friend" Hi, there; fire, man!
don't you see that hare back there?"
Foreigner" Vat! shoot re poor ting
down as it retreat? No, no, my good
saire, Wait till he turn about and face
me, then / will-zing "-Judy
THE despairing gambler hurried from
the portals of the Kursaal, tearing his
hair and crying angrily: $50 help me
heaven, [ will never touch another card
till | have discovered some system that
loses infallibly all the time "A losing
system?" enquired friend. "What
could you want to discover that for?'
"To bet against it."
THE latest-We read that "slk fchus
with the new moonlight fringe are being
very much worn in Paris What con-
stitutes moonlight fringe, is not explain
ed, but it is doubtless similar to the
cloud with the silver lining, of which
we hear SO much. Anyhow, it appears
to have taken the shine out of all other
styles.
SAMUEL" said old Mrs Crodilier to
her grandson the other day, what's the
meaning of all this talk about Butler
and Patterson ooh, nothing much.n
said Sam, "only they've just found out
that old Ben Butler is the man who wal
loped Billy Patterson, and now they're
going to tie his hands behind him and
let Billy straighten his eyes for him,
that's all. - Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
A YOUNG lady who is studying French,
lately wrote to her parents that she was
" invited out to a del 1uner' the day be-
fore, and was going to 'fete champetre'
the snext day" The professor Of the
college was surprised to receive dispatch
from the cold man" day or two after,
saying: "If you can't keep my girl
away from these blarsted meIa yeries and
side-shows, Pll come down and see what
ails her."
WE don't know what there is about a
mantepiece that imparts confidence to
the man trusting himself to it. Rut
there is, no doubt, certain degree of in
spiration ii it, for it is fact that the
bashfuI Etaa in a social catherine
always sits, 4 possible, under the man.
tel. de naturally gravitates to that
place, and IS not at rest until he reaches
1T. With the top of his head pressed
against the under side of the shelf be
VIII SIT Tor hours at time as immoya-
9ie as mortgage, and apparently as
a5ep.y Interested IN what is going ON