davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21
Afflicted Patriots.

Candidates who recently visited
Paradise and Spring city, or, as they
are known respectively by the in
habitants, "Gouge Eye" and "Bung
Eye" say they were handled without
gloves by the boys in both camps.
Their coats, hats and pantaloons were
taken to the nearest saloon and pawned
for drinks. Some of them walked Up
in the morning to find everything be-
longing to them in "soak," and had to
go from their beds elegantly attired in
blankets to make terms with the bar
keeper for those articles. There are
generally four or five knock-down ar
guments a day, and more whisky is
said to be drank in the new mines every
day than in any other place of its size
on the coast. Of course a candidate
who displays much temper and gets
very angry at such treatment stands no
show of getting votes Winnenaucca
New, SilUer. State.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21
The Primary Cause of a Distant Symp.

Nervousness is rarely disease in itself inhe-
rent, but it is the lineal offspring of dyspepsia,
in a majority of cases. The nervous disturbance
is at first tri1ing, but ultimately Its parent so I'M
dermines the general health as to produce con-
sequences very threatening to that great nervous
centre, the BRAIN Hostetter's Stomach Bitters
is the most powerful medicinal opponent of the
ravages of Indigestion, and protects the nervous
system from them. The tremors, the unnatural
anxiety, the headaches the sleeplessness and loss
of appetite which characterize6 digestive irTegu-
larity and weakness, and which are almost inYa-
riably &C companied by an uncertain condition of
the bowels and inactivity of the liver, are ali
eradicated by this matchess corrective, and when
nervousness does not proceed from the cause
designated, it affords most grateful relief.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21
Ladies. Delicate and Feeble.

Those languid tiresome sensations,
causing you to feel scarcely able to be
on your feet; that constant drain that
Is taking from your system ali its for
mer elasticity; driving the bloom from
your cheeks; that continual strain up
on your vital forces, rendering you irrit-
able and fretful, can easily be removed
by the use Of that marvellous remedy,
Hop .Bltters. Irregularities and OBJ
structlons ofyour system are relieved at
once, while the special cause ofperiod-
zeal pain are permanently removed.
VIII you heed this? See Truths"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21
Humnr.

The following epitaph is authentic,
being taken from the diary of we'll
known stonecutter of this city:
Pleased stranger pause. and hold thy breath,
lleIe lies nv dear wife Poly:
She was cut down by cruel death.
VINO stopped her human folly.
Her tongue was longer than her life
But she's ARREST, you see;
Death granted TO my darling wife
" That she'd not grant to me.
She oft was chilled when in the air,
When cold would strike her brow,
But 1t has been my constant prayer
-Bostoa Trareler.
Uneasy sits the youth astride the
first saddle.-Syracuse Sunday Times.
Des Moines has four brass bands and
in some parts of the city all the cats
have left.-IOpa State Register.
The New York Commercial proposes
an expedition for the discovery of
David Davis. Now, who is David
Davis 2-BufaJo Express.
The man whose song is inspired by
old rye may be looked upon as rye
sing man. He will lie elevated fire.
quently.-New Orleans Picaya,ne.
In view ofthe many abortive attempts
of Eastern boys to go west in murderous
pursuit of Indians and buffalo, a revised
edition of the lexicon of youth is imper-
atively necessary.-DanJury Ne'cS.
This winter the walls of the ulster
overcoat will be deadened, so that a
,,,a,, oo,, hr+tO, l,;,,,coIf i,,,;Jo &c go
and sing at the top of his voice, without
disturbing anybody else in the car
HaUkeye.
The woodchuck claims to be the only
prophet, but isn't every quadruped four
runner.-Gruphic. Certainly not. You
wouldn't call a mans confidence four
runner because it is four-feited, would
Philadelphia Bulletin.
1t is reported that Edison has invent
ed an ink that, on being applied to pa
| per, forms itself into letters and words,
no matter how illiterate the person
may be who employs it, thus doing
away with the necessity for learning to
write. Inkredable !-Satar1ay Night.
What row these two. countries are
kicking up about few fish. We
wouldn't be bit surprised, if this kind
of thing keeps on, to receive a peremp
tory demand from the governor of Min
nesota to pay that state in full for thai
/! pickerel we caught in Lake Minnetonka
last summer.-Hawkeye.
''Well, [ will take it, though it is rath
er dear; pay you half cash, and owe you
the rest. That do?" 1T will" II
the course Of time the CREDITOR thinking
that the bill has run about long enough
calls upon the purchaser "Me deal
boy" says the purchaser, ''you amt liv
ing up to your contract. If I were tc
pay you the rest | wouldn't owe it tC
you, and the understanding was that
should owe it to you" a
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21

THE fractional system Of computing
wives, practiced in Utah, Is in fair
way to be abolished.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21

COOP CooKs.-Ladies, if you would
be good cooks, and would avoid the
modification of having poor biscuit for
tea when you have company, use D.
B. DeLand & Co.'S Best Chemical SdIeYu-
tbs. and that only.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21

If each one OF several makers had
taken the highest medal at one of the
great worlds expositions there would
be room to question which was best:
but Mason & Hamlin have taken the
highest honors at every such competi-
ton for twelve years.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21

A FAvoRITE name for Kentucky girls
is "Puggie."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21
800 LOTS

In the Town of MedOra. SOuth Florida.
To be sold if taken this month at $50 each, Cor
Lots so cts. extra
Deed Abstract. and Acknowledgement furnished
without extra charge. sand l0-acre Orange Tracts
adjoining the town Long time.
Improved and bearing orange groves from $40 COO
70 Sl5OUO cash. Cheap Lands in North Florida, for
sale. Apply TO WM. VAN FLEET South Florida
Land and Emigration ONCE, I46 La Sale Street.
Chicago Ill. Agents wanted
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-11-21

1t is reported that Edison has invent
ed an ink that, on being applied to pa
per, forms itself into letters and words,
no matter how illiterate the person
may be who employs it, thus doing
away with the necessity for learning 10
write. Inkredable !-Sdtuwddq Niqht.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28
How Thomas Betrayed Himself.

When Thomas drove up to deliver
the usual quart of mixture, the gentle
man of the house kindly inquired:
Thomas, how many quarts of milk
do you deliver?"
NINETY one, sir"
"And how many COWS have your
"Nine, SIR"
The gentleman made some remarks
about an early spring, close of the
eastern war, and the state of the roads,
and then asked:
"Say, Thomas, how much milk per
day do your cows average?"
"Seven quarts. SIR"
"Ah! uni" said the gentleman, as he
moved off.
Thomas looked after him, scratched
his head, and all at once grew pale. as
he pulled out short pencil and began
to figure on the wagon cover.
"Nine cows is nine, and l set down
seven quarts under the COWS and multi
ply. That's sixty-three quarts of milk.
1 told him I sold ninety-one quarts
per day. Sixty-three from ninety. one
leaves twenty-eight, and none to carry.
Now, where do I get the rest of the
milk? I'll be hanged if I haven't
given myself away to one of my best
customers by leaving a burned big
cavity in these tiggers to be filed with
water!"-Hvper's Bazar.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28
An Indians Gratitude.

There resides in Wichita q widow
lady by the name of Mrs. A. II. Glib
son. She is OF slight stature, and very
quiet and retiring, and with her daugh-
ter carries on the profession Of q mil
liner and mantua maker in the store OF
Huse & Charlton. During tue late
visit of the Indians to our fair, and as
toe sons of the forest were in single
file passing along the street, Chey-
enne brave suddenly broke ranks, and,
rushing into the above establishment,
put his arms about Mrs. Gibson, patted
her with his hand, and in broken En-
glish gave expression Of great Joy and
satisfaction. All the ladies in tie store
were, of course, nearly frightened out
of their wits, while the blanketed saw.
age kept reiterating, GOOD squaw
Heap good squsw?" The sequal is
not uninteresting: Previous to the
great Indian massacre of 1862, Mrs.
Gibson, then Mrs. Southworth, lived
alone on the Minnesota frontier. One
day o squaw came to her house and
made her understand that she wanted
soup, after obtaining which, carried it
away in q vessel to the woods. For
several DAYS she came regularly on the
same errand. A few days before the
bloody massacre, in which SO many set
Elements were wiped out, and in which
so many men, women and children were
ruthlessly butchered, two or three In
dams with two squaws came to Mrs.
Gibson's and asked for dinner. After
the meal one of them told her that
they must bind her in secrecy, and they
kept strict watch over her for two
weeks, after which two squaws took
her to within a few miles Of fort,
forty miles distant, put her down in
the road and told her when dark came
to go in, which she did, and that no
harm could befalI her. OF course she
could only submit, and as she was be.
ing carried to her destination during
the next day, saw the burning homes,
fleeing settlers, and scenes that will
never he affaced from her memory.
From the squaw she learned that the
soup she had daily made was for a sick
chief, Monoway, who recovered, and
who had determined to save her and
hers. When she returned to her home
the following spring, after several
months absence, she found every thing
just as she had left it. Not a COW, OF
even chicken. was missing, but every.
thing had been cared for, fed and pro.
tected during the long winter by some
Indians who had been detailed for that
purpose, and who Immediately relin-
pushed everything to her peaceful
possession. Our hero was one of the
party, and in spite of the time inter
vening, Immediately recognized her,
and expressed his satisfaction as re.
lated Wichita (Kansas) Eagle.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28
Wit and Humor.


There il proud modesty in merit.
When city inhabitants repay visits,of
their c. uatry friends in the summer,ft
is called returning board.
In the opinion OF The Falios
Times, patch on the seat Of boys
trousers is "something new under the
son."
A young man who 10 much given to
athletic sports would like TO know when
the much talked Of Anglo-Saxon race
is to come of.
"How shall We treat the tramps?"
asks the New York Sun. Oh, we'll, II
you are going to fraternize with them
in that way, we believe they generally
take straight whiskey.
That bitterest of all satirists, Talley.
rand, being told that Q certain public
functionary was talking against him,
exclaimed: "That surprises me! have
never done him fxvorr'
"This," said a provision dealer, as
he weighed out corned tongue for Q
customer, ''this never tells lies"
"Humph" growled the customer,
"then it was never engaged in the pro-
vision business"
"What is the matter ?" asked law
yer Of his coachman. 1.-THE horses are
running away, SIR" "Can you not
pull them upH" 81 am afraid not"
''Then," said the lawyer, after Judicial
delay, "run into something cheap"
"Mr. President" said an excited de-
batter, my opponent is q detractor a.
well as contractor, and has feathered
his nest with stones stolen from the
building material of our new City Fall.
In short, he's a gull-a feathered
fraud!'
"Why don't you go to work AYou
ore stout, healthy man." While the
man was wiping the perspiration off his
face in the hot August weather, he re-
piled, II can't get any work to do at my
business" "What il your business ?"
said the philanthropist. Said the man,
1T is shoveling snow"
If we would begin by thanking
God for all the joys we owe Him, We
should have little time left to complain
of our vexations.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28
Moses and IngersOll.

The mistakes of Moses" have been
so frequently discussed that one is sur
prised brilliant lecturer should ae-
cept so stale q theme. Many of onr
readers will remember the attack made
by Colenso, who issued volume on
this subject. He certainly did the best
in his power to damage Moses, and yet
the latter still lives. Perhaps he will
continue to live, notwithstanding In
gsrsoll's wonderful exposure Of these
mistakes. If Ingersoll were an hon
est man he would give Moses credit for
some points which certainly command
general approval. When we see this
alleged blunderer making laws which
protect tho poor by cnjoining payment
Of wages; which guard human life;
which protect the stranger; which for
bid bribery, even in the matter of a
gift; which command kindness to the
cleaner and sympathy for the widow
and orphan, then I ask, should he not
be credited with them? That Inger-
soil omits these points, while trying to
make out o case against the old law.
giver, is. perhaps, the best proof of his
weakness. He merely presents what
he may consider to be the uniavorable
side OF the question, and he dare not
admit that even this so.called "unfa-
vorable side" has been explained and
justified by some Of the ablest and
modern scientists. -" Hs,rwit." Troy
Qgr>Hs
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28
Hawk-Eyetems.

Why is it that at the hotel the man
who goes is called o waiter, aud the
man who really waits for him to come
back is called guest?
A baby on North Hill yesterday swal-
lowed a nickel aud three cent piece.
That's it; keep it up; what the country
needs is more money in circulation.
September came in SO abruptly that
half the men in Burlington forgot 1t
was time to pick oysters in their anx-
iety to learn the price of coal and ul-
sters.
Nothing makes a man so mad as to
get about five blocks away from the
dentists and make the alarming dis
covery that he had the wrong tooth
pulled.
General Sherman's son Thomas used
TO belong to base ball club. Now we
can understand why he wants to spend
the rest of his remorseful life in a
cloistp-.
"cxertion," says q great writer, sis
the price of O noble life." Strange
that O nan never thinks of that when
he gets up before six o'clock in the
morning.
A colored man in Corinth, Mississip.
nj. is teaching his old owner to write.
GOOD heavens! do the people Of Mis-.
sissippi want their daughters to mar
ry niggers?"
What shattered Mr.. Bringer's faith
in his old family physician was, that lie
gave him box with three pills in it,
and on the lid it said, take two three
times day, just before eating"
It is still an open question, whether
r the United States has more religions
than patent medicines? The religions
are probably the more numerous, but
the medicines keep up the finest GENE
teries.
A stovepipe elbow. whereof one end
had run over itself with dray, would
not excite the admiration Of any man,
and yet it is faithful copy of the frame
of tue prevailing style Of lovely wom-
ans fascinating summer hat.
The red ribbon movement has &C.
complished ono good thing for Iowa.
The regular annual account of the big
snake eighty feet long and as big around
as flour barrel, that has been ravag-
ing this state every summer for the past
ten years, has not been published this
season, and it is to be inferred that no.
body has seen thesnaks.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28

Maximilian's widow continues to re-
side at Tervueren, near Brussels. Her
first hallucination was that an attempt
had been made to poison her in Mexico,
and that this design was still directed
against her, and she refused all food
which her sister-in.law, the queen OF
the Belgiums, had not tasted. None
now see her without the queens per.
mission, as strange face produ ,es ser.
ious excitement. Sometimes che puts
on splendid dress. her rooms are
brilliantly lighted, and she imagines
herself receiving guests, whom she ad-
dresses in various languages. She has
forgotten her accomplishments in the
way of music and painting. Her
brother and sister. in Law, the king and
queen, have all along treated her with
the tenderest solicitade.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28

The carpet beetle, which appears 70
b . new pest, or has ct least attracted
more than usual attention recently, 10
the subject Of . good many inventions
designed for it, destruction. A CORES.
pondent OF the Seisssv6c Amsvicsn land
. friend OF house painters, apparently, J
recommends the use Of steam 10 be
driven under the baseboards and in the
cracks Of the Aoors Of rooms, from .
small tea-kettle having burner under
it and hose with nozzle attached 70
the spout. The beetle. however, does
not confine itself to the floor, but in.
tests closets. trunks and out Of the way
places, where it would be dificult 70
treat il to steam bath.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28
GROW @ Beard.

The BARRIERS Of this Rec and united
country have an arch enemy-Dr. A.
P. butcher, Of Cleveland. He main
tains that shaving is in violation Of
every law Of health and beauty. He
says the mustache is nature's best res
pirator, and the hair covering the jaws
and throat 10 intended to afford warmth
and protection to the delicate structures
in the vicinity, especially the fauces
and larynx. He assures the Leader
that many q man has been cheated ont
OF his life and fallen o victim to pull
monary complaints through the un-
natural practice Of shaving. Amustache
not only mechanically prevents the en-
trance of foreign PARTICLES into the
breathing tubes but lessons the cold
ness of the air that is breathed by inn
parting to it some Of the heat which
has been left there by the warm breath
just expired. In these respects it has
been found an indispensable hygienic
agent by conductors, engineers and
brakemen, who are exposed to changes
of temperature and are constantly
breathing air surcharged with PARTICLES
Of coal dust. The doctor remarks that
shaving leads to dental neuralgia, rheu-
matism of the gums, enlargement OF
the CLANS Of the neck. toothache, weak
eyes, and catarrhal disorders OF the
nose and throat. It is, moreover, Q
useless habit. by which time is wasted,
money squandered, and the beauty and
dignity of the human countenance
marred. In behalf of the sons OF toll
who stand behind the BARRIERS chairs,
one objection to the doctors theory
must be stated. How about gentlewo-
men? If mustache and beard are 80
admirable for protecting throat, lungs,
gums, glands and eyes, why has she
not the Same facilities for prolonging
life? Was it quite fair for nature to
deny her a capillary respirator and to
condemn her to breathe cold air and
fine dust-especially when she has to
open the windows every morning OF
her life and sweep the parlorf Why
should the beauty and dignity OF her
oonutsnance b narrad
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28

To REMOVE LEATHIR STAINS FROM
Toe xIxss.-Soak the stockings in tepid
water, rubbing in soap; do this over
night, then wash out and rinse we'll in
clean warm water; lay the stockings
Dat ON the washboard, soap the stained
parts veil. then roll into hard rolls.
commencing at the toe; boil for nix OF
eight hours, frequently changing the
water. and always adding cold water;
when thoroughly boiled, wash ont in
cold watsr and hang to dry, il Balbrisg
gan manufacture, in . dark room,i or.
binary British hose then in the open air.
This receipt will not do for Isle thread
or for oolored American or French
hosiery.
MoLAssEs PHONE cup and Q hall
of nolasses, half cup Of good vinegar,
ono egg. two tablespoons Of -four; favor
with lemon extract. This makes two
pies.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28

WHrTKwAsH FOR POULTRY H0UsHs.-
The Ftrmsrs' Advocate gives this g.
tho best whitewash for poultry houses:-
Into the whitewash pail drop . teacup-
full OF soft boiled rico and mix thor
oughly. Then pour intoa quart pot OF
cold water say ten or twelve drops OF
crude carbolic acid. Mix this into the
rest and swab the interior Of your hem
house with it. For outside, use rock
salt dissolved instead Of boiled rice, and
dispense with carbolic acid. No other
preparation of whitewash ever equalled
this for poultry buildings.
LEMON CArsuP.-One and one-fourth
pounds Of salt, ons-fourth pound OF
GROUND mustard, one ounce OF mace, one
ounce of nutmeg, one ounce OF allspice,
one gallon of good vinegar. eight or
ton garlic cloves, fifteen large lemons.
Slice the lemons, add all the other in
gradients; let it simmer from twenty 10
thirty minutes; put it in Q jar and keep
IL covered; stir il we'll every day for
seven or eight weeks then strain it, bot
tie. cork and seal.
Split pIA soUP.-A pound Of bacon,
q pound of split peas, small onion cut
in slices, put together in . pot with
quart and half Of water; let It boil
slowly for an hour and half; salt and
pepper to suit taste. This makes .
cheap and excellent soup. Fry cubs
of bread brown in butter and servo with
soupS
Com x1AL cAKIs.-Fouf eGgS, two
cups Of sugar. one cup OF butssr. two
cups Of meal, two cups q Aour. two
cups Of sour milk or svsst milk, e
sweet milk, uss cream Of TARTAR, end
one tsaspoonful Of soda. This nakss
10 very nice breakfast eake.
Icms 70. CAKE like The bakers. J.
Brsak TIE whites Of two eGgs into
bowl without beating; stir into the
pulyerissd white sugar until qui1e thieks
add one tablespoonful Of good vinegar.
and one tablespoonful OF eoenssaEeh;
this will dry in few minutes.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28

A SAD CHANGE.-A week ago, and as
you travelled through Illinois, there
was candidate waiting to help you off
the train at every station. anxious to
carry your valise to the hotel for you
and give you a personal introduction
to the landlord, bidding that great man
to give you the big room with the open
fireplace. And to-day? You can get
off the train and carry your trunk to
the hotel quicker than you can find a
dray, the landlord stares coldly at you,
pretends to be unable to decipher your
signature, looks amazed when you say
you are going to stay all night, and
casually dusts with his handkerchief
the glass face Of the placard that reads,
"All trancient guests are expected to
pay in advance. Free Press.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28

SWEET CORN BAKED.-Cut and scrape
the corn from the cob, add about ono
half cup sweet milk to ono dozen ears,
salt. pepper, lump Of butter on top;
bake An hour. The top will be brown
like beams.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28

STARCH CAKE. One and one-half
cups Of sugar, one-half cup OF butter.
one half cup Of sweet milk, one cup OF
corn starch, one and one-half cups OF
6our, whites Of six eggs. and two eat
spoonfuls of baking powder.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28

The author Of Beautiful Snow" 10
requested 70 como TO this Office and re-
neat the third stanza to the news edit
or. We cannot find copy Of the poem
anywhere, and We are getting ready 70
publish il in response to the request OF
an "old subscriber" when the first snow
falls.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1878-12-28

He who boasts Of HE lineage, boeses
Of that which does mot properly belong
to::him.