St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-10-18
Squibs.
A put-up job-Preserves.

n piOlduO upSUdTG Ht HldD WHO SItS
down on bent pin.
The favorite string instrument of a
discriminating beans. Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
Mosquitoes are beginning to fly south.
They left good many bills behind
which they were unable to collect.
81 do not see why we should not be
as just to all ant as to IL human being.n
says the humane Charles Kingsley.
The ant is all right, Charles; it's the
mother in-law who suffers from inius-
tice. Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
Grandfather Lickshingle (pausing)-
Tommy, don't throw sand on your little
brother. Tommy (pausing)- amt
my brother; he's only my step-brother.
(Throws a shingleful of sand in his
step brothers hair, and grandfather
hurries on to catch a car.)-Oa Citv
Derrick.
John Fiske has named his youngest
Herbert Huxley. Fiske is a strenuous
advocate of Spencer's doctrine that in
tellectual people have the fewest chill
dren, and as Herbert Huxley is only the
fifth in four years, he claims that it
tends to prove the theory.
There is no law in this country TO
prevent Il colored man from boat rae
ing. 1t is his common sense that inter-
feres.-DetrOt Free Press.
"Flayed alive, is 2" interiected
Terrence Magilicuddy, the conversation
being OF Indian atrocities, "wad fay
toOch man if he wasn't alive, don't
know ?"
1t was musician who was fishing
and hoped he would get bass soon.-
Boston Commercial Bulletin. He had
his bait-on, but he found himself a
pretty hOt-bOy before he got his bass
clar-O-net.-NelU York Commercial Ad-
UertiSer. 1t was an india-rubber dealer
that gutta-percha fishing the same day.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
''Let us no longer cling to old forms,"
says the Nation. Shake, you staid old
monument of superior respectability,
shake we're with you. Bring us some
forms ranging from 16 to 10 years old
to cling to. But we are surprised to
hear the Nation propose such a thing.
darlington HaaUkeye.
Nervous old gentleman to watchmak-
er: mo, none of them will do. 1 want
watch that won't go tick, tack! tick,
tack all the night long. hate to hear
watch tick, for it keeps me awake.n
Matchmaker: "Ah! 1 see, sir. You
want one of the silent watches of the
night | don't keep 'em,"
A hotel keeper at Richmond charged
in his bill ''swans, one guinea" "But
| haven't had any swans" protested the
astonished guest. "It's the view, sir,
from the hOpen winder," explained the
waiter, pointing with fork toward
Thames eyot. 1--WE don't charge for
swans in back room."-London Truth.
Goodbye, sweetheart" were his last
words to the beautiful girl who hung
over the front gate and pouted her
sweet red lips to be kissed; and then,
as he walked down the street, he solil-
oquized: "f | had all the money
have squandered on oysters and ice
cream and buggy rides for that girl |
could buy me an Overcoat nOw,n and
"whew ~ he said, as the wind whistled
around the corner, "Pm a-going to need
it pretty soon, too."- Cincinnati Break
fast Table.
By the way, did you know that for
the past eight months your wife has
been using the diary you started in
January for an account book with the
grocer and butcher? We saw it the
other day, and right under the last par
agraph you wrote in it, where you said,
81 feel lifting of my being into high
er life, feel my feet stepping upon a
higher plane, the soul of poesy is call
ing me into sphere of grander action,
and throw off the trammels and the
coarseness of everyday material life and
its animal existence, as rise to obey
the call of genius"- right under that it
says: ''TwO pounds of mutton suet.
half calf7s liver, piece of bone to
boil, and pound of link sausage, As
cents. Burlington Ha,Ckeye.
1t is given out that ladies will wear
vests precisely like the gentlemen's this
winter When married man goes to
oed he Will have to put chalk mark
on his vest, or next morning he NAV
slip on his wife's and not discover his
mistake until he inserts his thumb and
forefinger in the right hand pocket for
pinch of fine-cut and finds nothing but
piece of chewing gum and the sinh III
short black lead pencil. Then he will
suddenly remember that there was a
| NOiioi Ill the I6It
hand pocket of his vest-that is. if he is
an editor, he willard he will rush
back home IN Rarus time. -Norristo,cn
Herald.
They FOUND OUT.-A witness was
lately examined before parliamentary
committee with the following resnlf
Sergeant A. Ito witness y SAnd or
Thursday, the thirteenth, You saw Won
called on Mr.. Jones ?" 81 did.n "4nd
what did he say ~ Sergeant b. object.
ed to this question. Sergeant A. argu-
ed that it could be put, and cited sew
eral precedents. The juniors hunted ur
all the cases. Sergeant b. replied al
length, and stated his precedents. These
arguments lasted two hours. The com
mittee then retired to consider wbethe,
the question should be put or not. and
after an absence of about an hour thev
returned, and stated that it might he
asked. Up then rose Sergeant A. and
SAID to witness: "And on Thursday.
the thirteenth, you say you called on
Mr.. Jones 2" 81 did" Sergeant a
with an air of triumph y 'And what
did he say 2" Witness: AHe WASN'T At
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