The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1878-05-29
Mark Twain.

Mark Twain delivered the following
speech at the dinner given to Baysrd
Taylor in New York recently:
Mr.. CHAIRMAN:-I had intended 10
make an address of some length here
tonight. and in fact wrote out an i'm.
promptu speech [langhterl. but had
not time to memoriZe it. l cannot
make speech on the moment, and
therefore being unprepared / am
silent and undone. However / will say
this much for the speech had written
out-that it was . very good one, and
/ gave it away, "a l had no further use
for it, and saw that could not deliver
il. Therefore / will ask the indulgence
Of the company here to let me retire
without speaking. l will make my
compliments to our honored friend, but
l will make them on board ship, where
/ shall be fellow passenger
Here follows the speech which Mr..
Clemens wrote out
/ have been warned-as no doubt
have all among you that are experienced
that dinner to our ambassador is an
occasion that demands. and even re-
Quires q peculiar caution and delicacy
in the handling of the dangerous wea-
pom Of speech. have been warned to
avoid all mention of international poll
tics. and oil criticisms, however mild,
of countries with which we are at
peace, lest such uttsrances embarrass
our minister and our government in
their dealings with foreign states. In
q word. have been cautioned TO talk,
but to be careful not to say anything.
do not consider this difficult task.
Now. it has often occurred to me
that the conditions under which we
live at the present day. with the reve-
lations of geology all about us, view
ing, upon the one hand. the majestic
confgurati0n of the silurian, oolitic,
old red sandstone periods, and upon
the other, the affiliations. the stratifi.
cations and ramifcations of the prehis-
toric, post pliocene, ante-penultimate
epochs. we are stricken dumb with
amazed surprise. and can only lift up
our hands and say with that wise but
odious Frenchman - it was a slip of
the tongue sir, and wholly uninten-
tional - entirely unintentional. 1t
would i'll become me, upon an occasion
like this, purposely to speak sighting.
ly Of citizen of q country with which
We are at peace and especially great
and gracious France, whom God pre-
servel The subject. however. is q
delicate one, and will not pursue it.
But, / was about to remark cast
your eye abroad, sir. for one pregnant
moment over the mighty domain of in
tellectual progression and contemplate
the awe compelling theory of the descent
of mans Development. sir! Develop
mentl Natural selection! Correlation
of the sexes Spontaneous combustion |!
What CULTS and whirlwinds of intel
lectual stimulus these magic words
fling upon the burning canvass of the
material universe of the soul! Across
the chasm of the ages we take the
oyster by the hand and call him broth
er, and back. and still further back,
we 60. and breathe the germ we cannot
see. and know in him our truer Adam,
And as We stand. dazed. transfixed, ex-
allied, and gaze down the long process
sion of life, marking how steadily; how
synmetrically We have assembled, step
by step. to our sublime estate and dig
nifty of humsnity-out of one lowly
form into little higher and little
higher form-adding grace after grace.
and function after function. with each
and every change - developing from
tadpoles into frogs, frogs into fishes,
fishes into birds, birds into reptiles,
reptiles into Russians-I beg million
pardons, sir and gentlemen-It was
wholly innocent slip of the tongue. and
due only 10 the excitement of the de-
bate--for. far be it from me, upon such
On occasion as this to cast seeming
slur upon great nation with whom we
are at peacs-a great and noble
Christian nation whom God expandi
But as / was about 10 remark; /
maintain. and nothing can drive NE
from that position--that the contribu-
tions Of the nineteenth century TO
science and the industrial arts are-are
but. of course they are. There is no
need to dwell upon that,-You look at
il yourself. Look at steam. Look at
the steamboat, look at the railway;
Look at the telegraph. which enables
you to fash your thoughts from world
to world. ignoring intervening seas
Look at the telephone, which enables
you to speak into affiiction's ear the
word that cheers. and into the ear OF
the foe the opinion which you ought
not to risk at shorter range. Look
at the sowing machine, look at the fog
horn. look at the bell-punch. aud
look at the book agent And more
than ell q thousand times, look at the
the last aud greatest. the arophone.
which will enable Moody aud Ssnkey
TO stand on ihe highest summit of the
Rocky Mountains ana deliver their
message to listening America and
it will annul and do away
with the pernicious custom of taking
collection. Look at all these. sir. and
say if it is not far prouder and more
precious boon 10 have been borniin the
century than in any century
that went before Ah, sir. clothed with
the all-sufficient grandeur OF citizenship
in the nineteenth century. even the
wild and and New Jerseyman might
. mistake, sir. . mistake, and entirely