The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-05-18
VARIETY.

Rev. David keppel sets forth In the Northern
Christian AdUocdte his views on hell tie believes
that hell - is well regulated prison, IN morality
second only to heaven" If the system OF credits
for good behavior obtains there, 1t ism t such
terrible place. after all. By helping to put out
fire, for instance, prisoner might have few
thousand years knocked off his sentence, or be
fully pardoned and restored to heavenly Citizen
ship.
Arizona Citizen Huntington met Scott
Gently, and after alIuding to the bridge across
the Colorado, thus delivered himself in the
classic language of the Pacific; - I'm a son of
gun frcm Bitter creek; m Il wolf, and this Is
my night to howl I've two rows of upper teeth,
and nary a tooth alike The folks on Bitter creek
bad ; the higher up you 60 the WIS they are,
and l Ii from the headwaters.''
gentleman, whose place of business is not
thousand miles from the Merchants Exchange, is
annoyed, many business men are, by impe-
cunious individuals desiring small loans. He has
adopted the following method of dealing with
them. He will listen amicably to the long pre-
face to, - just lend me five dollars for few
days. and answers Certainly" and then,
turning to 4 clerk, says:
James, we have five dollars to lend, have we
not?''
Yes; sir, says well-trained James.
Well, lend it to Mr.. Beet"
- 1t is not in, sir, you loaned it to Mr.. Bum
mer day before yesterday"
80 All, yes !, so QlQ. W ell, Wnen IL comes IN
lend it to Mr.. Beet; - and bowling to the bor
rover the merchant resumes his business, and
the needy one walks dejectedly out to try more
profitable place
\ good story is told ofa Washington belle, who
is noted for her wit. She is the daughter of
distinguished Judge, and at recent dinner party
was seated next to gentleman who had recently
lost a case before her father, and who took
casion to refer to him in terms anything but com
49,
indicated that something was wrong, when he
turned to the lady at his side and expressed
hope that the judge was no relation Of hers. 10
the great amusement of those present, '' Oh, no;
only connection of my mothers by marriage"
A laugh could not be prevented, and the gentle
man came slowly to the conclusion that the
judges family was too much for him.
a charming new song. Lovers of the chaste
and emotional ballad are having a series of unex-
ampled refreshment. Each day seems to offer them
some rarely equaled gem, and the cry Is - still
they come One of the sweetest of the later
publications is, - Call me when the hash is
ready We cannot refrain from quoting a
verse
Daisy, Darling! do not
Ere the mGrphies you do peed,
ofour yesereven's meal;
Wake not to pangful watngs
But when the hash is ready,
Gentle spirit, call me then"
Every patient husband who has endured the
hardship of being called up before breakfast was
ready, will canonize the author of this melody
and the wife of that husband will have cannon
eyes for him whenever he sings it,
A man who lost his good character some time
ago was severely hauled over by some of his for
mer friends. Il know it, boys. | know my
character gone, lost entirely. And he added
rather pointedly, - it's too confounded bad, for
itwas the only one in the place worth saving"
Boy (reading)-'' And as she sailed down the
river Teacher Why are ships called
she?'' Boy (precociously alive to the respon-
sibilities of his sex)-" Because they need men
to manage them
little six year-od New York boy was watch
ing the sunbeams as they shot through the win
dow and danced diagonally across the room
- Mamma" said he, 8 what are those streaks?r
- Those, my boy,'' she replied are sunbeams
mamma - said the little boy, who had been slid
ing down beams in the barn loft, they are
what God slides the babies down on, when he
sends EN- to folks
.sWhere can find an example off beautiful
Iife?;'-EvelIne. We don't know that we catch
your meaning exactly; but if we do, you can find
skree or four examples right here in this Office.
Meme of the scribes in this Office hurled their
mOther-in-law down the cellar stairs they never
went into bankruptcy they never had an Office
in budding and land association they never
belonged to the poor board or the fire COM
mission; none of em ever were aldermen; and
although they don't pay their bills, they receive
and file them regularly. If this sort of thing
isn't an instance Ofa beautiful life, We don't
know.