The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1878-05-23

.aSA. ~ UAAu& AS1 attAfe UOuleS
ana restless spirits into her rooms, lest
they knock down their glass screens. or
break her precious jafs.-Applesons' Jour-
nal for Nay.
llscellaueeus Items.
Lime is a good manure for clayey soils
and plaster for sandy ones, because the
former retains and the latter attracts
moisture.
Great effort from great motives is the
best definition Of a happy life. The easiest
labor is burden to him who has no mo-
tive for performing it.
Men think it NO shame to give hand
some obsequies to those dead whom liv-
ing they had suffered to starve unnoticed
but the struggle ofsinking poverty passes
unseen in its corner.
1t cannot be too deeply impressed upon
the mind that application is the price to
be paid for mental acquisitions, and that
it is as absurd to expect it without it as
to look for u harvest without seeds.
The heaviest snorer We have heard of
is the man up town whose wife woke him
up, during tempest, saying she did wish
he would stop snoring, for she wanted to
here the thunder.-Unknown Exchange.
1t must have been Western school
where the mistress told one OF her big
girls to "decline love-" The big girl sim
pcringly replied "Dccllne, love, Miss
Jones? Not me; I'd as soon think of de-
clining marriage!"
A little four year-old boy sat alone IN
the parlor when a new doctor came to see
his sick mother. The doctor naturally
wished to make his acquaintance, and
said, How old are you, my son2" "I'm
not old; I'm new, said the boy.
The mother-in-law has been attacked
in the New Jersy courts, where a man has
had the courage to sue her for thirteen
hundred-dollar board bill It was con-
tracted during one of the short visits to
zee how Maria was getting along.
Some one has discovered that there is
actually law in force which permits
money to be carried as baggage. Since
this is the case we may travel consider
ably this yesr. 1t was the supposed ab-
sence Of such a law that kept us at home so
much.
No, George; the article now going the
newspaper rounds entitled Tweed as a
Fireman." does not lefer to his present
occupation; though his early knowledge
of the duties ola fireman NAV pr,,ve of
some advantage to him in his present
home.
A boy-beggar of Gotham is placarded
II have been blind for forty years" ."-Er.
We have little girl in Philadelphia who
placards herself: II am blind, and the fs-
ther of five children" She wears it whey
the old man is sick, or out at his countr .
place.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
An exchange has an article telling "How
matches are made.' We supposed every
body knew it was by taking young man
and young woman, equal parts, and let them
sit up together about six months, telling
them few times in this interval that
they should never have each other Still
there may be other ways We haven't heard
of.
A man who has been much interested
in the cremation system said to his wife,
my dear, wish you to remember that
when the Lord calls me to my reward l
desire to be cremated, if a suitable fur
nace is accessible" 'Yes, love-" replied
bis spouse, "but when the Lord calls you
l think he viii! provide for your burn
ing"
:; Il say boy, whose horse is that you're
riding2" "Why, daddys." "Who is your
daddy2" "'Don't you know? Why, Uncle
Pete Jones'" ''so-you are the son OF
your Uncles" "Why, yes, I calculate l
am. You see dad got to be widower,
and married mothers sister, so reckon
he's my uncle. " "Boy, you are not far re-.
moved from foolr' swell, as we amt
more nor three feet apart, think it's just
as you say"
A touching case is mentioned in an
English exchange of fox, followed by
hounds seeking safety in the midst Of q
flock of sheep passing along the road. 1t
measured its pace with the animals
whose protection it had sought in its ex-
tremity, and travelled with them some
distance, but was finally driven out from
them, in order that the hunters on its
track might not be deprived Of the sport
of running 1t down.
Jones was always complaining of his
wiie's memory. "Shc never can rcmem.
Der anything" said poor Jones; "it's aw-
full" my wife was Just as bad" said
Brown, "till I found out a capital recipe
"What il it?' said Jones, eagerly. "Why,''
said Brown, "whenever there's anything
particular want the missus to remember
write it down on slip of paper and
gum it on the looking-g glass. Sees Jones
is now c0ntented man.
Only few days ago saw in book
by Protestant clergyman an accountof q
miraculous cure. A young girl suffered
from toothache, and she prayed to Jesus
"If l were Thou. and Thou me, and Thou
hadst such toothache as have now,
would long ago have cured Thee" The
toothache, SO writes the clergyman,
ceased Immediately. I could not but re-
member hymn Of the Ria Veda, where
an old poet says, IF were 1ndra, and
thou vert my worshipper, I would long
ago have granted thy petition
When Fischer, the celebrated oboe
player, who was remarkable for the oddity
Of his manner, played concertos at the
grand concerts given fifty years ago At th
Rotunda in Dublin, noble lord, who had
been enraptured with the rare talent he
displayed, came up to him, and after
having complimented him, gave him a
pressing invitation to sup with him the
following evening, adding" You'll bring
your oboe with you"
Fischer, who was little nettled at
that sort Of invitation, hastily replied,
my lord, my oboe never sups."