The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-08-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

A LONG-HEADED man is not apt to be
head-long.
AN eye-deal waterfall-A cataract in
the eye.
ONE may live in basement without
being in abasement.
BAY windows are safe harbors at
night for little smacks.
DOESN'T the baker encourage idleness
when he makes penny loaf?
AN Oil Citizen, formerly sea-Cap-
tain, shook eff book-agent by yelling,
MAN over bored p
WHEN tooth begins to feel as if there
was chicken scratching at it's root, it's
time to pullet out.
A GOOD boy may not become hand
some man, but nice bonnet surely be-
comes pretty woman.
How TO preserve the purity of the
ballot the box up in fire.
proof safe and throw away the key.
A ST.. LOUIS girls foot thoroughly
heated through this summer will be
better than hot brick in bed next win
ter.
EVERY plain girl has one consolation.
Though not pretty young lady, she
| will, it she lives long enough, be pref
ty old one.
RED is used for danger signals on the
railroads, and always means "stop." On
a woman's nose it ought to give the same
warning.
"WHAT is faith ?" asked Sunday
school teacher of boy scholar. He be-
longed to a nine, and replied "Betting
on a left-handed pitcher.
"WEI1, Jake, how's your brother
Abe getting along?" ooh, first rate
got a good start in the world. Married
a widow, who has got nine children"
WHAT is the difference between a
provident widow and wife who talks
about her "liege lord?" One husbands
her means, and the other means her
husband.
"IT's poor rule that won't work both
ways" is supposed to have originated
with the schoolboy who took the rule
away from his teacher and knocked him
down with it.
"WHAT shall the harvest bee ?" sung
the boy, with the cuticle of the broadcast
part Of his back feeling as if 400 Spanish
fly blisters had been applied to the same
spot.-Chdcago Commercial advertiser.
"CoME wife," said Will, sI pray you devote
Just half a minute to mend this coat.
Which nail has CHANGED to rend'
"'Tis ten o'clock, ." said his droWsy mate,
"Iknow," said Will, I" it is rather late
But it's never too late to mend'
| A GENTLEMAN carried letter of intro
duction from friend to stranger. The
stranger received him cool1y, and showed
him the door. A little investigation
showed HIM the reason. The letter
said: "Treat him like a trump" but
the stranger read it, "Treat him like
tramp"
"I'M saddest when [ sing" resounded
loudly above the banging of piano at
tuned to woe. eff that's the case, it
seems to me 7 wouldn't MARBLE quite so
much, if I was her," said the next door
neighbor, as he calked up the crevices
and pushed the cotton further into his
ears. Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
ON the Fourth a native American was
upbraiding a naturalized German for
celebrating the day so enthusiastically.
The German replied: "You, Sir, are
an American from necessity; I am one
from choice. And besides, sir, when
you came into the country, you hadn't
stitch of clothing to your back, while
I was comfortably clad" The American
has been thinking about it ever since.
The boy stood squarely on the base
Already two were out
The grin that Hghtened up his face
[," Shone round about his snout.
. The boy he raised the ash aloft
And called for one hip-high,
The pitcher put it in red-hot-
....5 1t hit him in the eye.
Again the gallant youth stood up,
Determined he would score:
ll The next one hit HMM the stomach
..-. He playeth ball no more.
Relatives and friends are invited to at
tend without further notice. Boston
Post. ..f.,..,..- ...,..t.. ga
AT an evening party lady was called
upon for a # song, and began: "I'n
strike again my tuneful Tyre" Her hus-
band was observed to dodge suddenly
and start hurriedly from the room, re-
marking: 'tNot if I know it, she won't.
She belts blue blazes out of me at home,
and [ stand it like man, but when she
threatens to hit me in strange house.
and calls me Liar before whole crowd,
I'll run as long as I have spark OF
manhood left ..a .a4tlf
ssfs -elf.ss.js HOT. JQiE l
Oh for some cool, outrageous spot, ~ .ae
Where it isn't so dog goned awfully hot;
Where the-where the-where the-where the
Where theft Icould-where tbe--where-
Oh for some cool, outrageous spot,
Where it isn't so everlastingly hot;
Some place. where Observation-Disclosures the
Where the some place where the-some-
Oh for some cool, outrageous spot,
Where it isn't so dreadfully, horribly hot;
Where the breezes-where the whispering breezes-
Breezes-where the whispering breezes-where the
Ohfor some
But somehow or other this doesn't
seem to be our day for poetry.-Bw-
iington HaWk-Eye.