The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1878-11-15
TI's4mporfn NtrDs.
THINGS

The farmer man 10 see,
AS quick he spreads upon the floor
The grain so temptingly.
Then sings around the ancient barn
The lively autumn gale.
And while the farm err taps his nail
The bovine flaps his tail.
Every dog has his day, but the nights
belong to the cats.
The man who has persistently closed
the door all summer now leaves ii wide
open.
There is one thing about steam wills
tles-they never took up the air of Grand
fathers Clock"
There wouldn't have been any milk in
the cocoanut If some of our dairymen
had had the construction of ii.
It is said of a successful writer whose
verbal promises are very poor: "His
pen is m!ghtier than his word"
In a Danbury clothing store is a card
announcing: Perfectly fitting garments.
Every article sets as good as a hen"
He hath new to join the angels
And likewise the cherubim;
Some have died OF erysipelAs.
But twas worms that ailed him.
A patent medicine advertiser says fat
is not conducive TO long life. That iss
A fat hog rarely lives through the win
ter.
"Are you ready to dieg'' asks tract
sent TO this office. No, not yet; we want
TO see how Ben Butler makes il down in
Massachusetts, this fall.
Autumn poetry and opinions of emf
nent persons concerning yellow fever,
its probable cause and certain cure,
should be handed in before snow comes
if intended for publication.
First preparatory student (angrily):
have your hands full" Second prepare
tory student docking at the ears); well,
yes; rather think shall"
A painters apprentice fell off a scat
fold with pot of paint in each hand.
He was taken up insensible' but as soon
as he was restored to consciousness he
murmured: 81 went down with flying
colors, anyhow"
Kissing the baby may result in de-
forming its nose and bringing on near
sightedness. The safest plan is not to
kiss baby of the femenine persuasion
until 1t attains the age of sixteen years.
The cartilage of the nose is much strong
er then.
A country damsel, describing her first
hAo6, IOlu uCI lIldl Slc new
or knew how it happened, but the last
thing she remembered was sensation of
fighting for her breath in a dollhouse
full of violets, with ventilation checked
by blush-roses and tulips.
An Ansonia cigar-maker went out
hunting, and in addition to securing two
quails, succeeded in putting five buck
shot into the back of farmer who was
maaaurinO his rnrn with a uiayU IF mol
ing 1t higher than any other in the neigh
borhood. There is not much encourage
ment for scientific farming.
do you own any gas stock ~ Atom
said to Molecule, while they were dis
cussing Edison's electric light. "Any
gas talk w replied Molecule. do own
any? Well, don't know that own it,
but L" He looked nervously up at
his wife, who was regarding him very
intently, and asked Atom if he had ever
been in Omaha.
A lady returning from a Wheeling
theater with her husband, in a crowded
horse-car, pulled the coat-skirts of gen
tleman in front of her and murmnred
sweetly, You may sit down here in my
lap, dear" and then discovered that her
husband was at the other end of the car
and the creature to whom she had made
her hospitable overtures was some other
man.
At recent marriage in a suburban
town the bridegroom, when asked the
important question if he would take the
lady for better or worse, replied, in a
hesitating manner, "Well, 1 think will ;"
Upon being told he must be more posi-
tive In his declaration, he answered ::
well, don't care if do"
A little girl in Hartford, Conn, was
sent to store the other day to buy some
lace. The clerk, after putting up the
package, said: "WeIl, there is one-and
a-half yards of lace, at ten cents a ward.
How much does it come tor" To which
the miss pertly replied: "Well, I'm not
going TO tell; l have to study arithmetic
all the rest of the week, and I'm not go
ing to bother my head with it Satur-
days"
A Glasgow baillie visited Paris as one
of deputatiOn TO Louis Philippe. The
king said, when showing the party
through his library, where he had many
OF the English classics: "You will know
Milton very wellY" "Oh, bless YOU. YES
bless you, yes" said the baillie Cheerful,
ly, delighted that something had been
mentioned that he did know. 'Yes,
your majesty. know Milton very we'll
(Milton is little place in the neighbor
hood of Glasgow; we're Just building
slaughter-hOuses there"
A gentleman residing near Boydton,
Va, built rain tower forty feet high
and thirty feet in diameter at the base,
with seven large flues, two of which
reached an altitude of sixty feet. Then
he built fire in his tower and kept It
burning several days, in order to bring
on . rain, but it failed to produce the de.
sired result. It would have been more
certain and less expensive to have got up
camp meeting, or hired circus to
come into town. An agricultural fair or
q Sunday school picnic will also bring
on q rain nine times out of ten. If the
Coydton gentleman is not familiar with
these methods of producing rain, he