The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-02-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

A CULTIVATED ear-An ear of corn.
REPAIR your dog muzzles. A stitch in
time saves nine-canine.-W Worcester
Press.
WHEN a blockhead falls and breaks
his Uranium the photographers term it an
injury in the lumber regions.
Is it not fortunate that the furnace
fire always burns brighter when it is
coaled.
"HEwERs of wood and drawers of
water "-Wood-engravers and marine
painters.
THE great question, "Does it hurt a
man to hang him?" is thus answered:
at hurts his reputation"
RICHES will never take wings and fly
away, if you sprinkle little economy on
its tail Whitehall Times.
A SONG heard by hive" Bee it ever
so humble, there is no place like comb"
-Danbury Neaos.
In regard to the weather, off you
don't see what you want, just ask for
it, Wheeling Leader.
"AND what makes my little Johnny
50 cross this mornings" "Got up
s urly."
A GREEN Christmas makes fat goat,
for then the succulent old shoe and
oyster can are not hidden beneath the
snow.
name of that lady to whom you are en-
gagedT' Senior blandly respondsj
(which one?'-Oberlin Review.
REACHING after the unattainable."
"A man feeling up under the back of
his vest for the end of parted suspen-
der.-Haa0keye.
OYSTERS are sold for twelve and one
half cents apiece in Austin, New. We
suppose that means they are ate for a
dollar.
1T is said that Victoria has asked the
car to spare Turkey. Vic should have
come in with her spare before the car
had made his strike.
PROVIDENCE is all wise, but it always
piles the highest snow drifts in front of
the house of the man who never shovels
his sidewalks off-RockIand Courier.
A MODEST young woman refused to
wear the fashionable clicked hose until
she ascertained that the clocks had no
hands.
"TELL your mistress that Eye torn
the curtain" said a ledger to a'female
domestic. every well, sir; mistress will
put it down in the bill as extra rent"
"MA," said little girl, "what is all
this fuss about trade marks Is it the
trade marks that make so many wrinkles
in pas forehead?
The last hit of the English conserva-
tives is the following: 81 should be my
first, if had my second to throw at my
whole" And the answer is-Gladstone.
JOSH BILLINGS says he knows people
who are so fond of argument they will
stop and dispute with a guide-board
about the distance to the next town."
JOSH BILLINGS says: "The mewl is
larger burd than a goose or turkey. 1t
has two legs to walk with, and two more
to kick with, and wears its wings on the
side of its head"
"When you are my age it will be time
enough to dream of husband" eyes,
mamma" replied the thoughtless beauty,
for second time"
The late King of Italy will be buried
with imposing ceremonies, and an i'm
posing stone will be erected over his
grave. Any obliging printer will ex-
plain Worcester Press.
AN organ-grinder struck the town yes
terday with his organ draped in mourn
ing for the dead king. His silent token
of his grief was very touching until he
began to grind out "The Mulligan
Guards. oil Ctv Derrick
"Do you know" remarked a rather
fast Newark youth the other day, to a
suffering friend to whom he was slightly
marry and settle DOWN." 81 do-don't
know anything about it, was the reply,
"bu-but think you had b-b-better stay
single and set-settle up."-Neacark Call.
NOTHING makes the average tramp SO
mad as to find a bottle with German
label on it in the road. While he is
almost certain that the bottle contains
whisky, there is lingering suspicion
that it is medicine for sore toe, and be-
tween the two doubts he goes thirsty
Free Press.
The man with the ulster occupies an
equivocal position in society, but his
lCkS diC Wdiil, anu ht 10 ldloCu nlkn
above many of the petty annoyances of
ordinary humanity. He can wear his
old trousers every day, and he does not
care if there is patch on the knee and
whole rear platform is worn of.-Puck.
How we learn. Colonel Ito instructor
of musketry). "But l should like to
known if they understand anything
about the theory of musketry." private
O'Grady is called out of the ranks).
"What are the objects of position drillY'
Private GGrady (after deep thought.)
"Sure it's thin marks on the barrick
wall, sirrW-Punch.
AN English paper gives the origin of
the word =" damn" 1t says the oath is
corruption of the French exclamation
dame" This may be so, but we al
ways thought the word damn" origin
ated by man going out into the yard
an hour after SHUTDOWN and being alb
rubtly caught under the chin by