The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-03-02


teacher in arithmetic, between one
yard and two yards2" GA fence" said
Tommy. Then Tommy sat on the ruler
fourteen times.
My mind to me a kingdom is
such perfect Joy therein 6nd,
As far exceeds all earthly bliss
That God or nature hath assigned.
Though much want that most would have.
Yet still my mind forbids to crave.
Sir Edmund Dyer.
The following is a rather equivocal
obituary: Maria Brown, wife of
Timothy Brown, aged eighty years. She
lived with her husband fifty-nine years,
and died in the confident hope Of q better
life."
A BAsHrUL young man applied to his
important subject, "How to win a
woman's love-" The reply was, +" Kiss
the babies, caress the tomcat, and pay
strict attention to the old lady"
N.--Inebriate--" Now, look
here, what shay is what's the use O.
riches? 'Spose mans Roth--you
know--a Rothschild's bank, Ell? Well,
what's the good Of i'll He can't get
more drunk than he can now, can hep
A wAsHINa-MAcHINE peddler of
three years standing, who makes his
headquarters in Burlington, wears with
pride watch chain made of various
sized shot, which from time to time
have been picked out Of his back and
legs.
A THREE-YEAR-oLD youngstcr saw a
drunken man lacking" through the
street. Mother" said he, "did God
make that manT' Eyes, my child"
The little boy reflected moment, snd
then exclaimed: ~ wouldn't have
done it,"
INTELLECT and industry are never
incompatible. There Is more wisdom,
and will be more benefit, in combining
them than scholars like to believe, or
than the common world imagine. Life
has time enough for both, and its happi-
ness will be increased by the union.
BETTER sense than grammar was the
old Dutchman's saying: A good
man ash good umbrella. Ven darg
clouds threaten over his head, all be
ish got to do vas to hold him ub, und
der storm BASES over, and he ish none
der vorse."
THE following is San Francisco
advertisement: Correspondence is So
licited from bearded ladies, Circassians,
or other female curiosities who in re-
turn for a true heart and devoted
husband, would travel during the sum-
mer months, and allow him to take the
money at the door,"
AT recent Sunday-school concert
the superintendent was talking about
idols, when, to ascertain whether the
children understood what he was
saying, he a-ked: children, what is
an idol 7" "Being lazy" was the loud
and quick response of one Of the men,
bers Of the Juvenile class.
AN old-fashioned minister was preach
ing in tight, unventilated church, in
which, by some means, window was
left partly open. A good deacon, during
the sermon, closed it. The minister
stopped short, and turning to the
deacon, said in solemn tones, " If was
preaching in a Jug, believe you would
put the cork in"
A SCOTCH paper speaks of fox hav-
ing been seen trying to spring a trap by
means of stick that he carried in his
mouth. We knew of fox once that
took well-pole from the well and
pushed turkey off the lower limb Of
tree with it, and put the pole back in Its
place. At last he got the turkey, and
the well-pole was found all right in the
morning.
AT the burning of provision store,
the crowd helped themselves freely.
One man grasped huge cheese as his
share of the salvage; rising up with it,
he found himself face to face with
policeman, and with admirable presence
Of mind put the plumber in the police
mans arms, saying, You had better
take care Of that, policeman, or some
one will be walking off with it"
MoDJEsKA must be a wonderful ac-
tress. The Boston Gazette rays that
while she was playing Camilla the
prompter threw aside his book and
wept, the lover allowed tears to meander
down his powdered countenance, the
hard hearted father was scarcely able
to 60 through his part, and scene.
shifter joined a plrce by the Lake of
Como TO scene from "Ten Nights in
Barroom."
A CURIOUS experiment has been tried
with buttermilk by testing It against
cIaret. One who is in the secret will as
sert that one who is not, if blindfolded,
cannot distinguish claret from butter
milk by the taste. Several glasses are
filed with claret and an equal number
with buttermilk, and they are handed
alternately to the blindfolded person,
who tastes them. FIR few times he
will name the fluids correctly, but after
a time his sense of taste b. comes
blunted, and he will insist that butter
| milk is claret. and vice versa.