The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1878-08-15
That Nose.

i
Rev. Mr.. Murray, during his summer
tour, has, it seems, encountered a re
markably self-asserting nose, of which
he writes in the Golden Rule. Speaking
of noses, he says: There was a nose OF
that train. Indeed, in my car there wert
forty noses until ten O'Clock; after thai
there was only one. They made up the
berths at half-past nine, and it only tool
thirty minutes for that nose to assert
itself. There was a trumpet, a clarionet
a fish-horn, snare-drum, and q pair Of
cymbals, inside that one nose. In fact
it was full band of itself. Its posi-
bilities were simply astounding.
/ 1t was in good practice, and opened its
concert artistically. It's prelude was in
the minor key; but 1 have had ex-
perience insuch noses, and could not
be deceived. ] knew what was coming,
and prepared myself. At last it came,
What a noisel 1t actually drowned the
roar Of the train. 1t filed the car, and
flowed 0ut by the ventilators.
What's that" said heavy bass
voice.
WHAT'S THATY startlingly interro-
gated tenor. a
WHAT'S THATg' timidly ejacula-
ted a soprano.
The answer soon came. Again the
torrent of sound rushed out of the
monstrous nostrils. Big? Yes, they
must have been big-big as a bootleg.
1t takes room for such Loise to get out.
"Oh r, said the bass voice.
H0Hp repeated the tenor.
g OHp re-echoed the soprano.
Then silence,
Nothing more was said for perhaps ten
minutes, while the nose warmed to its
work. 1t put forth its variations No
two sneres were alike One would begin
with slight quayer, run up an ever
deepening vibration, and then explode.
The next would be one tremendous ex-
plosion-no warning of its beginning,
no premonition of its closing. Then
there would follow a succession of claps,
each distinct, self-assertive, cumulative.
Now it was bass snore, then a tenor,
then an alto, then a Variation between
an alto and soprano. But whatever
the key, and whatever mode, the force
was never lacking. 1t was strong, ter
ribly strong.
81 can't stand this!" said the bass
voice. 1a ~ Ii
aI can't stand thisp repeated the
tenor.
81 can't. stand thisp cried the So
prano.
Laugh? l lay on my back and laughed.
Irolled over on my side and laughed. ]
showed up the window, put my head out,
and laughed laughed with spasmodic
action of the heels. Still the man
snored on. Five minutes passed. The
nose was executing one of its most intri-
cate and impressive passages. 1t began
with a tremolo, rolled on and roared
itself upward, along rising gamut OF
sound, until it burst forth with a snort
Porter P'' called the bass voice.
"PoRTERW sounded the tenor.
"OHl PORTERp shrieked the so.
prano.
The porter came hurrying in, followed
by-the conductor with his lantern. ]
was standing in the passageway opposite
the berth which the nose occupied
trying to hold myself together in the
| middle.
"What are you crying forT asked
the conductor.
That instant the nose burst forth
The conductor looked astonished. He
explained afterwards that he had heard
a good deal of snoring in his nine years
service, but nothing like that.
"We must wake him up," he said.
40, yesl wake him up" said the bass
Wake him upp cried the tenor.
The soprano was nearly exhausted
but / clearly heard the word "up."
We parted the curtains. The maj
was lying on his back, the pillow dow
under his shoulders, his head hanging
over the north side of it. His mouth
was wide open, his nose at an angle o
forty-fye degrees-the angle of tn,
highest flight for projectile. Hi
knees were drawn up, and his hands la,
on the pit of his stomach shook him
Il shook him twice. The third time
shook him he opened his eyes. I thinl
should have ratified his eyeballs out o
their sockets at the fourth shake. H
opened his eyes. The lantern streaming
| luVO ulo idOO, anu uiiC ehlOO pnii Va wv
looking fiercely at him, had diseompos
ing effect.
"Stranger," said I, in priestly tones
stranger, are you ready to die"
"Eh! what? How? Thunder! what
the matterf' he said.
"That nose!" said I.
I looked around. The conductor wa
going through the door. The ebony fac
of the porter looked out from aroun
the angle of the stove. The man locke
at me. I looked at the man.
viii he 60 to sleep again ?" aske
the bass.
" VIII he go to sleep again ?" aske
\ the tenor, looking out from between hi
curtains.
"Will he 60 to sleep again." laughe
the soprano, historically.
looked at the man. The man locke
at me. 1 said, "Let 1t out" He shu
up one eye, and said, " Cheap" sa
| he understood