The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-07-20
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The Beautiful snow ana INC SHUT '''''N' W
national conundrums.
The Philadelphia Times cruelty remarks tha
"The Illinois Republican Platform is just apou
the size of Logan and Oglesby"
w F. story, of the Chicago Times, was stricken
with paralysis while travelling in Swl'Zeriahu
saws recent cable dispatch Did he meet Lydi
Th2mpson-perhapsE
The Pinkston is an unlettered woman-sh'
could not like Mrs. jerks, write sherman ie'
ter But she has made her mark.
bucolic editor who was treated to fine din
ner at the Chicago Palmer House recent
" compliments the caravansary by assuring hi
readers that Mrs. Palmer is splendid cook!
Capt. Kidd, the Independent candidate for su
preme court clerk, Central Illinois, has withdraw
from the ticket. The Captain doubtless expects
bigger and surer game, "when he sails"
Here is an item OF comfort for Judge Hilton in
the failure Of his female hotel. "Thc experiment
of ladies' carriages was tried on the English rail
WAYS, and it didn't work, some ladies going SO
far as to prefer the smoking compartments TO be-
ing alone" They are all alike.
Phla1elydm Press: After all the leading jour
nails on this side the Atlantic have printed obitu-
aries of Muley- Hassan, the emperor OF Morocco,
the report comes that Muley is in perfect health.
Fmigrants from Louisiana to Morocco should be
stopped.
The estate Of J. c.. Aver, the patent medicine
man, who died last week in a private insane asy-
lum at Lowell Mass, is estimated at $1,000, 600
No wonder he went crazy. Give us half, and the
tramps can chcerfuy have the rest.
One swallow may not make a summer, but
Judging from the number of glasses of lemonade
sold nowadays, We Insist summer makes one
swallow.-4uyOJu Netcs.
The meanest man in Illinois lives in Pinkney
Vile. He refused to let parties have ice with
which to preserve the body of the late Judge
Breese He wanted it TO keep his beer cool.
The latest sentimental agony in songs is a ten
der ballad beginning:
''Who will come above me signing
When the grass grows over me"
We can't say positively who, but if the GENE
terry fence is in the usual repair 1t will probably
be the cow.-HuOkeye.
An EDITORS wife never goes through her hus
bands other trousers pockets TO strike package
unfaithful men Of the world-editors rarely have
other trousers.
That was a delicate compliment a scven-ycar-
old Milwaukee boy paid his mother. The family
were discussing at the supper table the qualities
which 20 10 make "A good wife Nobody thought
the little fellow had been listening, could UNI
derstand the talk, til he leaned over the table
on1 Ei.g.d bis mother nd sai1 ttMommn whom |
get big enough, Pm going 10 marry a lady just
like you.p
There has been Il remarkable ease Of constancy
in England. man who separated from his
wife thirty-iyc years ago has just returned and
offered 10 kiss and make up" A few Gays prior
TO the offer the wife had inherited large estate.
--Boston Transcript,
When John Sherman declared in the Senate
that J. Madison Wells was as good man as
himself. his brother senators gave him the cut
direct IN view OF the recent developments we
shall expect them to walk up to John and apollo.
gize for doubling ills word. Eylnenily Wells is
the man that was slandered
Well, there is one city on the continent con
fesscdly not pleasant summer resort. Says the
New Orleans Democrat:
The man or woman who has the leisure and
money enough to pay his fare, by rail or river
who remains in New orleans during the summer
is simply person of very bad taste and
but slight appreciation of comfort.
81, Louis, with It's $50 cases Of sun-stroke a
day, Is recommended ~ Q snmmcr resort for
and rich Old ubciGsi
"A young on cl;'Suu," ronagh; the D,rick,
"calls his sweetheart Revenge, because she is |
sweet And the young married man ON South
Hill calls his mothcr-in-law Delay, because she is
dan erous.-Bu Observation-Disclosures. And Cincin-1
natl man calls his cOachman Procrastnation be
cause he stole his watch.-Brcdktlt Table, A
Chicago banker says all his dcpostors seem to be
young doctors, because they have no patients.
Kanbakce, according to the Gascit,, has jus
tice who beats them all in the way of doing up Il
job Of matrimonial splicing with neatness and
dispatch. This is his formula
Have 'er?'
"Ycsn
Have 'lm"'
Yes
Married 81"
Little Johnny who is on avisit to his grand
mother in the country, writes his first letter to
his mother at home
Potater.bugs is plenty, an ! enjoy 'em very
much cause they makes grandfather swear, an
every time he bilcs over he spills his false teeth,
an he always forgets ware he spills 'cm, an he
hires w ~ rGust EN- out. SO yer see huntin's
good here. He pays US in pigs, an fore.the Sc
sins over think lie haze enuf 10 start Il swine
shop Tell Sam jenkins, cause itll make him
hOppin' mad to know imo hayn' such binan.
zer,N
love knows no season. Even with the Their
mometer at % in the shade a rural swain is in.
spired by the tender passion TO pour out his soul
in % stanza idy 20 the cnslaver Of his heart, as
follows:
She leased alone upon the fence,
Aud then she gave sy;
And for his footsteps down the lain,
She waited patiently,
And presently he came TO view,
And then she yelled yell;
heavenly howl Of joy she hOwled
And her bosom swellcd swell.
Belot ladies must be awful creatures, as wit
l.. n l