The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-03-14
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
SEE wATER--Tears.


NEVER take umbrage or umbrellas.
A COOL calculations: Calculating the
ice-bill.
Cross men are naturally X.
sighted.
ANOTHER waiter has fallen heir to
heavy property. 1t pays to wait
D1'ibary NeUs.
AHYrOCRITE is Il man who tries to
be pious and can't, with a prepondcr-
ance of cant.
YOUNG women are advised to set good
examples, because young men are al
ways following them.
THERE are few litigants who can be
convinced that theirs is not the only
right side of lawsuit.
THE Crescent wancd for the reason
that the Cross "waxcd" it SO thor
oughly. Chicago Times.
SOME naughty boys in Belfast, Me-,
painted out the first three letters on the
sign Of Arnold Harris.-Ea.
WHENEVER you hear that a person
has retrousse nose, you may know
that it is a genuine, old-fashioncd pug.
BRIGHAM YoUNG's widows can't
understand why twenty-five of them
should not each have her third of the
estate.
WHEN man wants to call Il puppy
he whistles, but girl just walks along
with a handkerchief floating across her
shoulder.
A DANBURY girl has settled the mat
ter. She says a frosty moustache is
just like plate Of ice cream.-Dan-
bury News
ALMOST anybody can send boy on
an errand, but only the wealthy have
leisure to spare to wait for him to get
back.-Rone (N. ~ Sentinel.
WE miss the thrilling cable dispatches
describing 4 battle in which both the
Turks and Russian came off victorious.
Was the liar shot?- Boston Post.
In the event OF war between England
and Russia our own country will show
sympathy with neither, but stand aside
and sell things for cash to both.
WHEN man threatens to pay you
off in your own coin, make him say dis
tinctly whether he means silver or gold
There has been a deal of dispute lately
over the meaning of coin.-Ncv Orleans
Rc0yunc.
A WOMAN will face 4 frowning world
and cling to the man she loves through
the most bitter adversely, but she
wouldn't wear hat three weeks behind
the style to save the Government An-
d,ews' Ba.ar
BOHDENTOwN, N. j., was the home
of Il Bonapartc. 1t was also the scene
of brass band convention, and now il
has risen to the dignity of II prize-iight.
There arc some places you cannot crush.
~ y. Telegram.
A CERTAIN little damscl, being ae.
gravated beyond endurance by her Dig
cried: 80 Lord! bless my brother Tom.
He lies, he steals, he swears. All boys
do; us girls don't. Amen
A MAN was earnestly looking in a
bungholc of a whisky barrel, as if in
search of something he could not find.
"What are you doing?'' asked by
stan,lcr. ''Why. I'm seeking MY repi,-
tatlon in the place lost it, was the
mournful reply.-Hackensack (N. ~
Republican.
A CLASS of school girls, highly edu-
Gated on the newest principles, were
pouring forth to the Bishop of Man
chester II list of Latin words, with the
English equivalents, and they came to
the word which we elders should call
ricissim. ''We-kiss-im,' said the girls.
"We-kiss-im-by turns" ooh, do
your answered the Bishop. "Then
don't wonder at your adopting the
new pronunciation. '-English Paper.
In 1877 fellow named Kelly was
sentenced to execution at Trim, in Ire
land. On the early morning of the day
intended to be his last he cOntrived to
cut his blanket into strips about four
inches wide, join them together with
strong wooden threads, and form Il
double sling. This he passed under
his hams, fastened the ends ut his neck,
and there provided an iron hook to re-
ceive the halter. Thus accoutercd, he
proceeded to the place of execution. 1t
is supposed that he had found means
to bride the hangman, to whom he
made q request to draw him up close
to the pulley, and lower him gently
when dead. But the crafty maneuver
did not succeed. Kelly had not allowed
for the stretching Of the strips of blan-
ket by his own weight, the point of the
hook fastened into his windpipe, and
gave him so much pain that he sirug-
glcd violently. He was, however, al.
lowed to hang until really dead. when
his sling apparatus was discovered
AL the Year Round.
In Pickens County, Ga, lived, about
year ago, n young married couple
named Southern. AT dance one
night the wife became jealous of the
attentions bestowed by her husband
upon Miss Narcissa Conart, and, rush.
ing up to her in the crowded ballroom,
stabbed her fatally with a pocket-knife.
The wife and her husband had pre-
viously quarrcled, but, strange to say,
Immediately upon the committal of the
murder he drew his revolver and, with
a threat to shoot anybody who attempt
ed to interfere, led his wife out through
the crowd. That night they fled to-
gethcr, and were never heard of again
until about a month ago, when the
Sheriff of Pickens County got upon
their trail and arrested the man and
his wife in Northern Alabama. The
devotion which the two show toward
each other is most surprising to people
who knew them before the murder,
when they were always quarrcling.
Now they swear that they will die to-
| gcther Missouri Republican.