The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-02-07

Eggs are twenty five cents per dozen
that is mature healthy, strong eggs We |
haven't any idea what young eggs are |
worth; we haven't seen any lately and
we suppose the crop is backward, owing
to the unreasonable weather.
You can't plant cats too early, nor is il
possible to get too many hill. You
may not raise anything else that season
where the cat is planted, but in the
meantime the cat will not have raised
anything either, and that is where the
enormous profit comes in
A female barber out West has been
compelled To leave town Tor want of pat
ronage She said there was no use trying
to do business in town where women
stood around looking into the shop win
dow, eritting their teeth and watching
for their husbands.
A new song is called Always Keep a
Smile for Mother" Some young men
will drink every drop that is in the bot.
tie without giving a thought to their
parents but mother, we think, is better
off without a smile il is bad enough
for the old man TO take his daily smiles"
school master Now, 20 on, sir. Ten
dollars make one what p They make
one mighty glad these times, replied the
boy, and the teacher who hadn't got his
last months salary yet, concluded the
boy was about right.
A Detroit boy stood an umbrella with
cord tied 10 it, in n public doorway.
Elev en- persons thought that umbrella
was theirs, and carried it with them the
length of the string They then sudden
ly dropped it and went off without once
looking back or stopping to pick it up
again
A Massachusetts, Irishman has his hon
est doubts on the uppermost theological
question His wife died recently, and
meeting a friend on the street he said
despondingly, well, the old woman is
gone" Where 2 asked his sympathiz-
ing friend. who had not heard Of her de
cease II don't know. but she is dead
onyhow," said Patrick.
An exchange says that a new way Of fas
tening ladies hats is to bore the tops OF
their ears put in gold loops and have the
hat strings tied through them. Thus
step by step We tread the pathway to
envelopes all the world. man will have
utilized his nose in holding up his pants
or pulling off his boots.
Dr. Talmage has started upon a series
OF lectures TO demonstrate that there is a
hell. There never was a time, perhaps.
when general confidence in the reality of
of such place could have been enjoyed
more than now. and it is to be hoped the
doctor will discover no more difficulty in
reaching that place from Canada or Eu-
rope than from here, so that American
tourists who formerly conducted savings
banks and brokers business here may be
readily accommodated.
A confidential clerk Of the Rothschilds,
in Paris, lately absconded after robbing
his employers Of over $360O00. His pee.
ulations extended over period Of three
or tour years This shows the disadvan-
tage of great riches Now, if we were to
employ that sort OF a clerk we don't sup.
pose he could appropriate $4,000 be
fore we would miss the money and be
prompted TO make an investigation.
mo, can't pay you = exclaimed he
"sure's ! stand here. ! haven't got cent
Of money to my name" And bringing
down his hand on the side Of his leg by
way Of emphasis, be all unintentionally
awoke to the echo the slumbering dimes
quarters and half dollars in his trousers
pocket. Then as his creditor gazed into
his eye, be wildly fed, while he gaspcd
Silver will be the ruin OF this country
yet"
When certain young ladies step down
from a street car, why do they think it
necessary to wriggle and twist, and bob
the head like an energetic robin pecking
away at a worm in the ground, and give
the neck succession of swan-like Gran
ings, and take little nervous clutches at
the dress folds, and spasmodic feels at
the hat and back hair as they step over
the road With jerky hop skip and jumpy
motion, for all the world like demented
sparrow
The Carthage Republican remarks:
Observation is a good teacher Watch
young man of average industrious hab-
its and you will find he understands when
the hour OF twelve or six comes to the
half second, but put the same individual
OF an evening alone, in pleasant heated
front parlor, with pretty girl, and he
won't have the least idea its nearly , a.
m. until he hears the roosters growing
/ is at such a crisis as this. that a stern
father shines most brightly as a time
piece.
lie had brought her the very things
she wanted from the supper table % her
safe retreat on the stairs, and she was
moved to say, half laughingly: You are
a man after my own heart, Mr.. B -"
Just what | am after he answered,
quick as a fash, covering her with con
fusion
Quarter, quarter = shrieked an ex-
hausted Turk, falling upon his knees aud
holding up his clasped hands beseeching-
ly toward the pursuing Cossock. And
the Cossack, who was fighting in the
cause OF humanity and Christianity, felt
the appeal and answered it. lie quar-
tered him.
MISCELLANEOUS.