The Hickman courier., 1878-07-05

och what shall we do I? says Jim Rooney.
fOn my account none OF yez tauy, ,,,
Saws be corpse spakin' up, quite polite IKE"
- Musha no ~ said Mrs OLauy.
Z An thin niver a word more Taymarked he;
Pat Shaughnesey always was oliver;
But faith. / must bid ye goOt-day, maam'
or I'll stand here oonvarsin' iurivef.
lis sidOm mate one 30 plisint-
Not at all like your cousinJ lane Barry
An hope soon TO hear more Of your talk ma'an"
Auahi now, ," said Mrs O'Larry.
al sm speaking" said long-winded
orator, " for the benefit OF posterity."
70 Yes,'' said one of the hearers, "and
if yeu keep on much longer your audience
will be there"
"A good character ish pretty much
der same to a man ash goot umbrella.
Ven larg clouds threaten over his head,
all he ish got to do vas to hold him up,
und der storm basses over, hais none der
verse.
Mr.. Mackey, of California, has an
income of $4,000 per day, but what
good does it do him He can't drink
over ten glasses Of soda water per day.
and he's got TO die on his merits, the
same as the rest OF Us.
of every thousand men, twenty die
annually. The population of city or
country is renewed once in thirty years.
The number of old meu who die IN cold
weather is to those who die in warm
weather as seven TO four.
The phonograph may bottle up the
voice and pass it down 10 future ages;
but the smile that twists the face OF
man as he seeks solitude and gszes upon
his name in print for the first time, will
always have to be guessed at
A man was writing an order for a
few things he wanted, when the trades
man, glancing at memorandum, "wun
haf pond of schott," said, e You don't
spell shot right" That is so said the
customer, put on another t."
- Here rests his head upon the lap Of earth"
He lea rned. when meek Asinas bust The glrth,
Too late the lesson Of lies harshest school
Broad culture. solid judgment. breadth Of brain,
Thought that has drunk ~ the PieriEn spring;
Grand depth and heightci culture he must gain
Who safely rides the trick mule round the ring
-lHawkeyo.
When an Indian gets mad and ready
10 fight, he would as soon hatchet a
baby az an Indian trader. That's the
one great fault in his make up, and he
will never stand A in society until he
learns to 60 for the traders first Dc
troit Free Press.
"A gentleman observing a servant
girl, who was left banded placing the
knives and forks on the dinner-table in
the came awkward position, remarked TO
her that she WAS laying them left-handed.
Oh, indadew said she, $50 have.
Be pleased, sir, to help me turn the table.
round 70
To what base uses do we come at last
Hostess Whispering 10 amateur)-" 1
want you to sing next" Amateur
(whose voice is not quite what it used to
be)-"I thought wasn't to sing till
cutie at the end" Hostess-Yes; but
there are not ices enough, and l want
some of the people TO 60"
Waterford, n. Y, has the champion
absent minded young woman. She was
recently married, and few days after
had her furniture insured, but the next
dsy appeared before the agent and
wanted the policy changed, explaining
that she had forgotten that che was
married, and had had her maiden name
inserted in the policy.
=" How did you come to know her p
asked mother of her little girl, as she
saw her bidding good-by to a poorly
dressed child at the church-dOOr. "Wby,
you see, mamma, she came into our
Sunday. school alone, and l made place
for her on my seat, and smiled and she
smiled, and then we were acquainted" "
was the sweet answer.
Sergeant Major" Now, Private
Smith, you know very we'll none but
officers and none-commissioned officers
are allowed to walk across this grass %
Private Smith" But, Sergeant Major,
I've Capt. Graham's verbal orders TO
-" Sergeant Major" None osthat,
sir Show nee the captains verbal ordersl !
Shown to me, sir p Punch.
LOOK at Texasw proudly shouts
the Shreveport Sentinel. All yes, we
see, we see; he has the drop on him.
hasn't he? Yes, indeed; there he goes.
Now the crowd has caught him; now
they are hanging him. Now the crowd
returns; now they are-but somebody
has shut the saloon door and we caunot
ace what the crowd inside is doing.
"Look at Texas ?" Oh, certainly. Nice
place for panorama Hawkeye.
Mr.. Stephens tells many stories OF
negroes, and one is of famous cotton and
chicken depredator, who, since the war,
met the ex-vice president on the road.
"Well, Thomas" was the kind saluta-
ton, al was sorry to hear that you had
been in trouble about Mrs. Trips
chickens" " Yes, Mars Alec, but ] done
quit all dat now," said the negro
very penitently. "How many did you
take before you stopped ?" asked Mr.
Stephens. 81 tuck all she had, /" was the
perfectly innocent reply.
..Bow to Do It.-A subscriber OF |
Hamilton paper wants TO know what viii
stop hens from pulling out their feathers
There are two effectual preventives q
this disgraceful habit Of the hens. tn
most thorough is to pull all the feather
out yourself. The hen don't look .
well after this, but she cannot pull on
! any more feathers. Another remed
, consists in pushing her feathers throug
and bending them into hook on Il
other side This is clincher.-L LSyu
. cuse Times.
D Burlington Hawkeye An iD,sn.
gent farmer, living in Des Moipe. oe.1.y 90 u
! has invented henephone, noo'.-1 n's,rb
}. the principle Of the telepbrDe' " s.srtraI
/ one old reliable hen, occhpy'ns : ~, nes,,
: Office in the hennery, sits on AZ 'n ny tbs
i about the estabIishment 'e~' -h .nd
C other fowls free to lay eggs sc.a'on contains
{ cackle. AS fast as new me-, = |. csri-
1 the full complement OF !. sEs, g 4. I. copper =
n necssd with the central ofiiee ..:''d' y : The
,e e ilecses and the business Is se'1's., ,.st II
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