The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1878-11-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

For she said: Now I'll send a nickel
And then maybe He'll send me new shoes"
-r.-.---..----------s---.
WIT AND HUMOR.
THE worst kind of slipping Gossip
ing.
FARMERS clubs-Broken pitchfork
handles.
HENS come into the world by the
hatchway.
To MAKE q mango-Read him your
last poem.
UNEASY lies the head that tells good
many of them.
POLICEMEN assist each other by club
bling together.
ECONOMY is wealth. Even the stove
pipe is coming out with its last winters
SCOT.
WHEN a man goes out of the poultry
business he tears the tattered hen sign
down.
THE times are hard-everybody says
so-but the wages of sin have not been
cut down.
LAWYERS are never more earnest than
when they work with will-that is, if
the estate is valuable.
ONE reason why we accomplish so
little in this world is because so much
time is lost hunting up collar buttons in
the morning.
WHAT an effect climate has on natural
development! In California they make
alcohol out of beets. Here we make
beats out of alcohol.
In discussion on cremation at
London club, member is credited with
the argument I'VE earn our living, why
should we not urn our dead?"
A WESTERN editor thus kindly alludes
to a contemporary "He is young yet
but he can sit at his desk and brush coG
webs from the ceiling with his ears"
LIP service" said the preacher, ear
nestly, lis not acceptable" NO" NUT
tered constable in the audience, moth
ing sticks but written summons and
personal service
AN editor with nine unmarried daugh
ters was recently made Justly indignant
by the misconstruction his contempora-
ries put upon his able leader on "The
demand for men,"
"CoME, don't be timid," said couple
Of foolish snobs to two mechanics; sit
down and make yourselves our equals"
WED have to blow our brains out to
do that was the reply.
on the corn the horrible corn.
Burning at night and aching at morn:
Under somebody's foot half of the time,
Throbbing with misery almost sublime.
Painting,
Inhaming.
Big as your fist
SHOW me the sign Of the chi -rop-o dist!
ONE of the great needs of this country
is vest pocket deep enough to take in
the whole length of the extra cigar, so
man can look his fellow square in the
eye and say, mo, I'm sorry, but this is
the last, and / have already had it in
my mouth. > Breakfast Table.
THE value of the fruit crop in the
United States this year is estimated at
$133, 216,700, and sometimes boy IL
years old thinks he would be willing to
give every cent of the entire crops to
the poor, if he had only died before he
surrounded whole watermelon.
A MAN may sheer at woman all he
will because she can't sharpen a lead
pencil, but she has the smile on him
when he stands holding an unoccupied
suspender button in his hand, and Won
dering whether it will hurt less to pull
the needle out of his thumb the same
way it went in. or push it on through
Ha,ck-Eye.
A SPORTING paper speaks of "The
Rail and It's Habits" We learned all
about the habits of the rail when we
were boy. The rail, especially the
| top one, has an ugly habit of breaking
down when you are only ten yards in
advance of the farmer who owns the
fence and the orchard. - NOrristOlU11
Herald.
JESSE PoMERoY's confinement in the
Massachusetts, State prison is not hav
ing effect, it is said, for he PAGES his cell
like Gagged lion, and, recently, when
some one gave him kitten for "A pet,
he fayed it alive with the knife and
fork provided for his meals. Two holes
started in the sides of his cell for escape
have also been discovered.
HE WOULDN'T MAKE HIS WILL.
. You're getting old and weak. papa;
The doctors say you're ILL.,"
Thus spoke the duteous son. II think
You'd better make your will
The father from his easy chair
Glanced at his thoughtful boy.
And DER his face the look that stole
Was not of pride or Joy.
- Not II know myself, my son:
- ,I FOLK, *, think tn me 3ne," he said said, 81,
Me crazy when I'm dead"
-Neto York san.
SOME months ago the Lord Bishop of
- came to this country on visit to
the Rev. DIR. -, of the Episcopal