Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1878-01-16
ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.

Can you make a silk purse out of
velvet lip9
twas backward debtor who said :
"The dues you say.
A tune that young ladies' like to
catch-A million air.
A tie vote-When both parties vote
ave and preacher ties the knot.
The place where wages are cut
down-The Department Of Docks.
"The piping times Of peace" come
after the first frost, SO the plumbers
say.
Song ot the apiarist-"Let Us ever
so humble bee, there's no place like
hum"
Self.lo3e is the first love of all, and
the only one which is never u. ublrd
by fckleness.
Tramp-"Ain't you got nothin bet.
tern champagne m cole turkey, ye
miserable gai""t2'
Women are not born politicians.
They can pack trunk better than
they can ii convention.
Ten TO one It used 10 trtlie Eve three
hours and half to pick out leat-
green dress to snit her.
1t is said figures sou', lie. but the
figures Of some vnmen are very Dc
ceptive, to say The least
The head winter crf saloon IL b $.
ton was referred 10 AZ . geuremap
~ saup.orfsli-.sk skattainments." +
Il is remarked ofa Chicago couple; 4;
1.-TWO souls With but a single ~ ,ught
how ~ get ria If each other"
Why doesn't Sweden have t. send
abroad toI h1rses and other live stocki 7
Because she keeps her Stockholm.
A Brooklyn girl WAS arrested for
burglary-as if II young woman had
no right to be out with her jim,ay.
"Liquor in hogsheads cxchimed
an old lady looking over her paper
."Now look out for drunken swinew
A man offered bail for friend He
was asked by the Judge If had any
ineumbraDce on his farm. "Oh, yes" "
said he, "my wife"
What is the difference between a
Jew and lawyer! The one gets his
law from the prophets, and the other
his profits from the law.
"What station do you call thisg'
groaned traveller, AS he crawled
out of the wreck nf smashed-up
railway train. "Devastation," replied
the conductor.
Said friend to bookseller: "The
book trade is affected, suppose, by
tie general depression. What kind If
books feel il mostf' "Pocket-books," )"
was the laconic reply.
A Nebraska judge decided to give
a horse-thief one more chance to re-
form. AS the fellow left the neighbor-
hood to begin a newer and better lite
he took along the judges horse to
help him.
A seedy old chap thinks that il is
very strange that the number of men
who are willing to lend you five dol
lars is so very small in comparison
with the nu.aber who want to borrow
that amount.
Eggs are eight cents this morn
ing,' said country storekeeper to II
testy old rural gentleman. swell,
what of ita" the old man snarled.
Eggs have been ate sence ever
can remember"
A man who recently insisted on
being married by District Judge,
explained that his object WAS to open
an account where he could get credit
IN case he should need TO obtain
divorce .in hurry.
A man who was determined never
ito lose his temper, was grossly in
suited while arguing point, by his
,ppp' nent, who threw glass of water
An his face. Taking out his handker-
chief and wiping his face, he cody
said "That sir, was depression; now
for the argument"
II shall die happy" said an expir-
ing husband To his wife, who was
weeping most dutifully at his bed
side, "ifyou will promise not to marry
that object of my unceasing jealousy.
your cousin John" snake yourself
quite easy my love-" said the expect
ant widow, ~ am engaged To his
brother Bill" "