The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1878-08-31
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

lucky district.
lot the ice cream-Rochestr Democrat Let
the Iamon ade it.-WAaehaH Times. Let the
claret punch it--hd'kdkTe GdEefte'
And let the gin sling it,
Blue Jeans williams tells the Nationals he likes
them but that there is not enough OF them 10
keep house alone-N1c Orleans P"dyune
Mackenzie puzzles Mexican diplomats. They
do not understand why he makes raids without
committing robberies.-N o. PcaVifr.
Perhaps Lots wife was turned into pillar of
salt because she was "too fresh "-Graphic.
We'll. il ''cured" the pork creature anyway
Wheeling Ledder. U.. . ...
Before the "o'' let there appear
Twice twenty-five, and five IN rear;
Onc.ftth of eight subjoin, and then
You'll find what It's that conquers men.
A doctor went out for a days hunting, ana, on
coming home, complained that he hadn't killed
ANYTHING. That's because you didn't attend to
YOUR legitimate business" said his WIFE
Nevada papers, instead of speaking of de-
ceased citizen as being widely and fayorably
known, remark: "Therc wasn't saloonkceper
in the State who didn't ache to trust him" -Frec
Press. 81
Organ grinders make from sl4 to SIG day at
tIre 10.
at New Orleans. A hundred able bodied light
ming rod men are needed at once in Memphis
ST. Louis Reoteblicda. n
Guests at hotels in New jersey are not permit
ted to mash mosquitoes on the walls, but must
get 'em down on the hoor and choke 'em to
death and ring for the porter to draw off the
corpse.
Boston girls say awfully mag for perfectly
splendid Now, for nercy's sake, let this thing
stop right here. Don't let us have perfectly del,
or perfectly serum, or anything Of that kind. Let
the language have repose.
Oats arc shocked And so were we Wednesday
night to see lot Of young ladies bathing in
Hickory creek near the Cut OFF track But,
thank heaven, we had Il fast horse and were soon
ont of slght,-Jotit Recod. ... ...
Yes Behind a stone wall. as 1879
The Hd,chcyc reports that several Americans
have been guillotined in Paris for persisting in
speaking the French language. The French
government justihcs its course by saying the peo
pie of France can't stand everything.
An exchange says pretty female lobbyist
when she commences to weep, generally WINS
Il congressman over TO her side. From this il
would appear that onr congress is partially run
by water pOwer.-Norrtsto,cn HeruM
The Nebraska Greenbackers have on their tick
ct one candidate who was in 1863 member OF
the State Legislature, which recognized his pc
cular talents by unanimously appointing him q
committee of one TO revise the Lords Prayer and
amend the Ten Commandments,
1t is said that Kearney takes OIL his coat more
eloquently than any other public speaker In the
country. He probably does II to show that, un
like the Chinese he wears his shirt inside his
pants. II he would let piece OF IL stick out be
hind il would win him many rounds OF applause
Joliet RepuJlican.
''What monarch do | mind you Of,
Nv little oue!' said Gaspar,
As with his handy arms
He suddenly did clasp her; -
81 cannot tell, ~ she made reply,
The while he sought to squeez Ter.
''You CAM, Why bent something like
A modern Julia seizer"
- Y0aker's Gdzetfe.
An enthusiastic Grccnbacker, of Stark County
o., while waiting for supper at n wayside inn,
dwelt upon the advantages Of paper money and
was much surprised on entering the dining room
TO find upon his table only table-cloth, u nap.
kin and plate In which was a card, "This Is a
Supper"
Now ftfuily the fly surveys the editorial phz,
and busly from hour to hour he hymns his little
bizZ and when he wOos the scribe to smack his
journalistic nose, he lights upon summit bald
and clasps his little toes.-,Ioiia Republican.
The editor of the Marshall 0owa) Statesman
SAYS that, after considering the question all win
ter, he comes to the conclusion every spring that
the circus is immoral; but then the bill poster
comes along wiuh the big pictures, aud bis mind
changes as follows; As we gaze at the lions, H.
gers aud monkeys and think that nature made
all OF them we hse not SO sure. And when ",
look at the beautiful young lady, with nothing
on but a blue ribbon round her waist, with one
Leg pointing to six O'Clock and the other to hgl
noon, and think that nature made her, too, just
as she was, except the ribbon, We begin to lear
up 10 the circus. But when the brass band he
gins 20 play and the elephants go round, we rusl
for afront seat to get in ahead OF the ministers
who always wear stoye-pipe hats and won't 81
down N front.
It's only wicked paper like the Dixon .Su,
which admiringly publishes Bob lngcrsolrs lee
lures, that would be guilty of ,ellin. story lik'
the following:
Women should never bet. II is productive o
- but never mind, we'll relate the facts. Ey
erctt Albert Post (he's farmer and lives In Soutl
Dixon1 i'm the belief that he was posted, bel
twins. She thought she knew what she was
about, and bet pair of colts, To 20 to the twins
in ease she lost. He took the bet and then
cOolly set about 10 accomplish his peculiar de
signs. She, being a helpless female, taxed IN
this land OF liberty without the right Ia vote wa,
no match for him. The contest took place Sat
urday last DR.. Hunt was a member OF the re
turning board The contest was close one. Fol
a time il seemed a. If Mrs. Post would win; but
she didn't. The returns. on their face, showed
that she ddut. ~. Bach return weigh;
eight Junds) Mr.. Post is elated. Al the SAINT
time We have our opinion Of a man who would
subject his wife 10 the wear and tear Of losing
the bet simply Ia win colt for child he never
saw.
LOW, PLAT LAND.
There wuz man and his name was Brown,
And be lived about a mile and hall from town
and this here Teller was avfully down
In the mouth for his crap wuZ liken 20 drown
Becuz his eighty wuz low, fiat land.
M ,-.r, "a fdriF bfY cod and mined