The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-04-25
PASSING SMILES.

Do not stop to tell stories in business
| hours.
No man can get rich by setting round
stores and saloons.
| THERE'S no peace for the bald-headed;
Just as tides are going out flies are COM
ing in.
REPRoAcHEs, unsupported by evil
dence, affect only the character of him
who utters them.
INCIDENCE is a stream which flows
| slowly on, but yet undermines the foun-
dation of every virtue.
| JONES had but one bad habit,
And that was the suit he wore;
The reason is very apparent
| 1t came from the secondhand store.
EVERY body likes a hot steak, but
when it comes up covered with cinders
you can justly complain of it as coaled
| meat.
A DIsCREETLY dull man is the wisest.
His head is too level to be bothered
into mistakes, and his intellect too fat
to bewitty.
1T is said that one of the brayest
officers in the Russian army signs his
name with his mark. He must be a
soldier of the cross.
A STILL tongue is better than money
at interest some times. The landlady in
a New York boarding-house willed the
bulk of her property to boarder who
never grumbled.
"MANi mani thou poor antithesis of powerI
Child of all time! yet creature of an hourl
By turns chameleon of a thousand forms,
The lord OF empires, and the food of wormsl
The little conqueror of petty space,
The more than mighty are the worse than basel
Thou ruin'd landmark in the desert way,
Between the all Of glory and decay!"
A DREAMY writer says it would be
curious to follow a pound of silk from
its spinning until it becomes a lady's
| dress. No doubt. But most men would
prefer to follow it after it became a
dress, and while the lady was in it.
HERE is an extract from a little boys
first composition: Gwen cats is
swearin' and blastfemin', and tryin'
the cages of their steam b'ilers in the
back yard at mite, it makes feller offle
Trade if he isn't sleepin' with his big
brother"
A PENNSYLVANIA Senator did not de-
liver his speech, but obtained permission
to print it in the Legislative Record.
When the copy was handed to the
printer there appeared laughter"
applause" and the like, plentifully
spIlukItu buIOuSu IL.
The Mofett punch may help little,
to be sure, but if Congress viii only en-
act that original poetry shall be recog-
nized as a legal tender at ten cents per
stanza, this Office will assume the
national debt and move into a marble
building at Cincinnati Breakfast
Table.
The Catskill Recorder is mean enough
to expose the profession in this shame
full way; "An editors wife never goes
through her husbands other trowsers-
pockets to-strike a package of love-
letters. Editors are not like the wicked,
unfaithful men of the world-editers
rarely have the other trowsers."
A LEWISTON (Me.) man recently be-
came scared at the recent numerous
failures of institutions of trust, and
drew fifteen hundred dollars out of
savings bank Not knowing what to do
with it, he hid it in a sly corner, and
the next morning when he went for it
he found the rats had destroyed large
part of it.
"MY love, said the count to his wife,
"you remember the secret that x. con-
fded to me a week ago? Well, am
| HOW authorized 10 reveal IL W you.
"Thank you for nothing; L don't care to
hear it" Don't care to hear it-why?"
Because you wouldn't tell it to me
then. A week ago it was a secret; now
it is only news"
WHEN we behold a man filling the
house in which he dwells with perpetual
sunshine by the sweetness of his daily
life; when he is met at the bedside of
the sick, the doorway of the poor. in
the chamber of the bereaved, the cell of
the imprisoned, we do not care to ask
to what denomination he belongs; we
know be is Christian
A TITLED Englishman lately landed
at New York with pontoons among his
baggage for fording our rivers, and the
foreman of Poole, the London tailor, to
cut his clothing. He expected to shoot
buffalo at Boston, moose at Montreal,
and deer at Denver, which he seriously
believed was a suburb of New York
The American Geographical Society
should send out large quantities of a
cheap and legible map of our country
to the English nobility and gentry.