Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1878-07-16
From the New York Herald
Chat by the Way.


mand in others, but which we find it
very hard to practice ourselves
1t is a good rule never to forget the
kindly deeds which others do to you,
and never to remember those you do for
them.
If man becomes your friend all at
once, not for any good reasons, but APP
from caprice, the chances are
that when his present mood is over he
will all at once leave you.
There are troubles enough in the
world without borrowing any. Still
Human bodies are sic fools.
For a. their colleges and schools,
That when ma real ills perplex them,
They make enow themselves to vex them.
In celebrated case now before the
courts one of the witnesses declared that
the Lord enlarged his vision to enable
him to look through the keyhole and
around a corner and see the prisoner
mixing poison. That kind of religious
faith is little crooked"
DIR. TaImage can find more in the BIZ
BILE than all the professors of Princeton
and tell what he finds in language which
they find it impossible to use. He told
his people that Moses was afflicted with
lifelong nervous disease, caused by
"that clip which he gave the Egyp-
tians,n and that Jeremiah had an en-
largement of the Spleen"
Wordsworth said
One impulse from vernal wood
May teach yon more Of man,
OF moral evil and OF goad;
Than all the sages can.
Still, if the poet had kept a corner gro.
Gerry and trusted his customers up to the
point of bankruptcy, and then asked
them to save him by paying their little
bills, he would have fpnnd better way
to learn the true iuwaEdnesa af man,
If man boastfully tells you that he
is one of the advanced thinkers of the
day, and that the Bible is simply toler-
Gted on account of the tender feelings of
some old folks, you will find it safer to
have his cash than his note. We have
noticed that those peopie WhO are so
very Intellectual that they have Out
grown the old fashioned religion are
very likely to have out-grown the old
fashioned Honesty also.
Invention is still behind the most
pressing needs Of the time These is
one direction in which it has done Moth
ing, and until that gap is Fl lied the world
will remain a desert. 1t has given us
the telephone, which enables us to hear
everything which every body says. Now,
Mr.. Edison, you will do more for US
than Moody aud Sanksy ever dreamed
of doing if you will only give US !. cat
ent "shut-off." to be affixed to the ear,
and operated at pleasure. The editor
would then live to a green old age, and
be defended against tbs exhausting APP
peals to publish original poetry, which
is the efficient cause of early death in
many newspaper offices, and the poor
clergyman could smile ssrenely within
himself as he put into his ears these in
visible and invaluable insulators when
called upon to listen to the interminable
stories of family quarreis. He could sit
like wound up automatcn, smiling
blandly at the right moment and max
ing all the appropriate gestures. but
hearing nothing. Yes, weare convinced
that the inventive genius of the time
has got up the wrong tree. It is not
that we want to hear more, but that we
want to hear less, that distraets US. A
monument awaits the man who will
enable Us either TO shut up some people
or else shut off the action of the audi
tory nerve and give ourselves rest.
Mr.. Barnum has made a mistake at
last; these fanatical showmen always
do. He has found a man with two
heads on his shoulders and the fact APP
pears il, large capitals 0n his haUall]s,
and, it is supposed, will prove a great
attraction. Bat it is no htsus natqrQ at
all. Every young man can bear testi-
mony that at some period in his life,
generally on a moonlight night or in
some convenient alcove in somebody's
bora astead, he has himself had two
heads on bis shoulders. Unless a man
has had that experience he is greatly to
be pitied.
The Presbytery of the West have
been passing resolutions against almost
everything that young people like
They denounee theatres, balls and even
summer seaside resorts. The difficulty
with the latter, we suppose, is that the
waves roll in on Sunday ais on other
days, and they don't like Sabbath
breakers y
1t is very fashionable Just now to &C.
cept what can be demonstrated and
nothing else. 4 host of average intel
lects are walking on stiits and imagin-
ing themselves giants. They don't be-
lieve in Jonah, because the story Is old,
and the hero died without being inter-
viewed By a reporter; but they will
swallow a whole school of whales if it
comes under the head of modern science
One of these master minds bewildered
an old Quaker the other day by success
fully denying pretty nearly everything
which most people are foolish enough
to believe. At last the Quaker said
mildly, Friend, does thee believe Moth
ing except what thee has SEEM" With
smile of superiority he replied, "Ab-
solutely nothing" "Well, did thee or
any of thy acquaintance ever see thy
brains? ?" Certainly not but why do
you ask ?' "Oh, because thee cannot
believe thee has any if thee has never
seen them, thee knows" and then he
added, significantly, "Thy argument is,
perhaps. stronger than thee thinks"