The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1878-02-14
Wit and HumOr.

tongue-hold it.
THE study of a lass, alas! often &C.
casions lass-etude.
WHY is an angry man like a camel?
Because he has his back up.
HOWEVER hard the times are, law
people are always sur of their loaf.
WHY is a spider a good correspon dent?
Because he is apt to drop a line by every
post.
JACK FROST is a good carpenter; at
least he knows how to make a good
frieze.
miliar with his wi name, he writes it so
nobody can possibly read it.
81 THINK our church will last a good
many years yet" said a waggish deacon
to his minister. 81 see the sleepers are
very sound"
ToPHET has dropped out of Mr..
Beecher's theology. He says he hasn't
any use for one himself. And yet he
seems to be cheerful.
AN exchange says: "Don't tell a mar
ried man any joke on the boys, for he'll
tell his wife, his wife will tell her sister,
and her sister will tell the rest of the
girls"
A MISSIONARY among the Indians writes
home that during the service the other
Sunday he counted "ive asleep and
twelve dozen" That was one gross i'm
propriety.
The Chicago man who undertook to
eat forty quails in forty days, has
quailed, breaking down on the sixteenth
day. He says he don't want to die in
that way yet.
"THAT Husband of Mine" has made
fifteen thousand dollars for Lee & Shep-
ard, and a good many wives are wish
ing their husbands would go and do
likewise for them.
ONE of the written questions at a
recent school examination was: "What
is a relative %pronoun2' One of the
answers was: at is a pronoun that tells
YOU about your relatives"
A wELL-KNowN professional, not re-
nowned for politeness, saw an Irish arti-
san waiting in his hall. "Hello, you
fellow, do you want mel" mo, yer
homer, | am waiting for a gintlemann'
"MY experience at school" said an old
judge, d" was a good deal like a one-horse
railroad" "How's that2' asked a friend.
"Why," responded the judge, "there
were frequent spitches and an occasional
turnout"
AN atheistical physician, wishing to
annoy u bashful young clergyman, said,
"How was it that the patriarchs lived to
such an old age9' Il guess it was be-
cause they never took any doctors stuff"
was the reply.
HAWK B~URLETTE, of the Bobington
Birdeye, will lecture tomorrow night in
Brooklyn on the Oscillation Of the Hir-
suite Ornaments of the Face. Go over
the ferries and follow the crowd. You
can't miss him.
A WITNESS, on entering the box, had a
Testament presented to him, but he de-
clined to be sworn. Being asked his
reasons for refusing, he naively replied
OH tell Il lie wi ony mon i England,
but I'll not swear to it,"
A REGULAR Hercules was brought be.
fore "A justice of the peace for assault.
"Have you any one to defend you!'
asked the justice. al Can defend my
self" cried the prisoner, and seizing IA
chair he cleared the courtroom.
THE late Sir George Rose, the dis
tinguished and witty English lawyer,
was overtaken by a friend one day, who
said to him II thought it was you walk.
ing SO fast" ''Ah! you know the rose
by the stalk, do you2' responded Sir
George.
"WHAT do you charge for a quart Of
your milk herei' asked Il man, as he put
his head in the door of a milk-slop.
'Ten cents" was the reply. Haven't
YOU any for six cents3' mo, bnt We
can make some in n few minutes" said
the proprietor.
A PARTISAN fished a man out of the
Seine, and soon afterwards found the
same man hanging to "a tree. He let
him hang. and to an officer who asked
him why he didn't interfere to prevent
the suicide, he said: "B cause | had
lust fished him out of the water, and
supposed he had hung himself up to
dry"
EGGS sell in Maine for a dollar and a
halt Il dozen. In order to give them
this value the shells are first perforated
with two holes, the original contents
blown out, and the vacant space filled
with whisky. All on account of the
Maine law. Another dodge is the patent
faucet, which turned one way yields vine
gar, aud the other way ale.
Turn E,psr TutNc To pE ME- lit