Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-01-09
HumOr.

A California paper says of one of the
artists there that she is a nice dumpy
little soul, with eyes that have a slight
tendency toward toeing in"
The other day in London, Ont, man
was fined S. in gold for swearing on the
street on Sunday. P. S.-Here's mag
nificent chance for St. Louis to clear off
it's debt.
It's perfectly awful to think of. Miss
Kellogg calls Miss Cary "leather-lunged
old son-ofa-gun," and there's no Sena-
torial committee Of mutual friends to
prevent . meeting"
The Lafayette Journal says of one Of
the prominent citizens of Tippecanoe
that he has recovered and is himself
again" Hello, Richard, but who've you
been counterfeiting lately?
The Worcester Press believes there is
a difference between billboard and a
board-bill. We fail to see it. The one
is a poster, and everybody is opposed to
the other, too.-H Louis Times
TITS Augustus Adolpbus de Toots
Writes down his New Year resolutes
Ere the morrow is over
He'll wake to discover
DO0IS.-IUCH.
The subject of Western lecture is,
The march Of man from the beauti-
full to the useful" We suppose that
this refers to mans change from cham
payne to old bourbon Worcester Press
During the present year there will be
of the MOON, Barnum also promises
to bring out several new stars this sea-
son, and business is very encourag-
ing.
"Silence in the courtr' Numbered a
Kentucky Judge, the other morning.
Half a dozen men have been con-
vlcted already, without the Courts hay
ing been able to hear a word of the
testimony"
One Of the old blue laws of Connecti-
cut said No one shall run on the
Sabbath day, except reverently" I'M
agine a man just out Of church pursuing
a flying hat reverently before high
wind and in the presence of an interested
congregation.
Country Gentleman Ito Foreign
Friend y" Hi, there fire, MAJ Don't
you see that hare back there?" For
eigner-"V Vat? Shoot re poor ting down
as 1t retreat? No, no, my good saire,
Wait till he turn abouts and face me-
then will-zing !"-Judy.
Scene on the New York train Con-
ductor Ito lady with small boy Have
to pay half fare for him, maam." La
dy-" All right" Hands out $40
note.) Conductor" Haven't you any
smaller?' Lady alarmed :" None
but that six-months-old baby over
there % Conductor explodes and ex-
plains. Fact !-P'aladeLphia Bulletin.
A fashionable undertaken in one of
the northern towns of Kentucky in
dulged his taste by purchasing very
elegant hearse, with plate glass, silver
mountings and mournfully waving
plumes. A gentleman seeing the hearse
passing down the street in gloomy pomp
inquired anxiously of the nearest friend,
"Who is dead?' The reply was, No
body-he's only drumming"
Lady of House. It's all nonsense
| Gentlemen pretended to be judges of
| claret, and talk of chateau this and
| chateau that, but they can't tell one
SOIG 1OuI d1OtIloI why Only DIT our
last dinner | put on our cheapest in
stead of our best, and not one of 'em
found it OUT" Friend eager for ven
geance) -" Probably not, ma'am it is
not very easy for connoisseur in claret
to distinguish between shilling and
contemporary p'-Funny Folks.
| Mr.. X is a widower Since the
time he lost his wife, whom he adored :,
five years ago, be has not left off look
ing every day at the locket containing
the hair Of his dear and austere COM
panion; and the other day he had a
visit from a friend at the moment when
he was dyeing the lock of hair of the
much-loved one. "What are you do
ing?' asked his friend You see
we'll enough l am dyeing the hair an
ash blonde, because this color is much
Worn now. [ wish the hair of my
sainted Maria to be always in fash
ion"