The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1878-05-25
GLEANINGS.

You can't plant cats too early, nor is
it possible to get too many in a hill. You
may not raise anything else that season
where the cat is planted but in the mean
time the cat would not have raised anything
either, and that is where the enormous
profit comes in.
professor eloquently holding forth to
the junior rhetoric class. One of it's mem
bers, on the back seat, likewise eloquently
holding forth to her neighbor). Professor:
/" beg pardon, Miss A., believe l inter
rupted you Miss A.: "Oh, no, not at
all; had finished"
Young lady, in a railway car, excitedly
=" Conductor, this man you put in this
seat with me has insulted me ~ Conductor,
grandly-"The scoundrel; what has he
done, miss p Young lady, Indignantly
-" He went to sleep" Howls of dersion
and wrath from the passengers. The scoun-
drel is put Off
"A minister, in visiting among his flock
the other day, CHANGED to meet an old mason
with whom he began TO question as follows
Well, Sandy, can you tell me when the
masons lost the art of making lime p"
WE'LL" replied Sandy, ",just about the
time the ministers lost the art o preaching
wantin the paper"
simultaneously with the appearance of
young gentlemen's new spring suits, the
sound of benzine is heard on the air. A
new spring suit that has been "boiled"
once or twice, loses the rigid glare that it
had when the bill was first sent in, but then
the man inside of it isn't half so 'fraid of
the man who made it that he used to be.
"A rude and heartless grasshopper
once perched on the edge of a water pail,
into which two dried apples had fallen and
were TRANQUILITY floating around in the
water, bullying with the influence of their
surroundings, and without any care for
their feelings, the happy locust saluted
them as "Hail fellows, swell met" and
the apples below Gust until he fled to con-
ceal his emotion.
They are telling now about man in
Dubuque who buried two dozen bottles of
whiskey in his cellar twenty three years
ago, and forgot all about them, and when
they were accidentally dug up last week,
the whskey was found to be superb How
people will lie. The man may have buried
that whiskey in his cellar, but if he forgot
about it, it was because he was struck by
lightning or hanged the next day.
"A Scotch minister was holding forth to
his congregation about Jonah, and he went
on as follows: "Now, my freen's, what
was the flush that God sent to swallow,
Jonah-it was not cod-no; nor a herrin'
no; nor yet mackril.' Here an old
woman in the congregation says, Aiblins
it was whaal )" to which the minister re
plies: "And aiblins yer drivelin old idiot
for taking the word O. God out O. the
mouth o. His meenister''
Somebody wrote to the editor of vii
lage paper to ask how he "would break an
OK" The editor replied as follows: If
only one OK, a good way would be to hoist
him by means of long chain attached to
his tail, to the top of pole forty feet from
the ground, then hoist him by rope tied
to his horns to another pole. Then descend
on his back a five ton pile driver, and if
that won't break him, let him start coun-
try newspaper and trust people for sub
scriptions. One of the two ways will do it
sure.