West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-01-26
Tanning n Shrew.


Outin Grow Township, says the Anoka
(Minn) Union, there resides man and
wife, their names we shall not disclose,
VINO have been married but few years
In these few years they have lived to-
gether there have arisen differences, and
now they don't like each other as we'll as
they ought to. These differences fire.
quently lead 20 open h)stilities, and, as
neither the one or the other likes 10 give
up, they quarrel most furiously One
day last week trouble began once more,
and recrimination followed recrim-
inatlon, until the husband, seizine "A
pitcher of milk that was standing i'm
close proximity, remarked, most en-
phatlcally and touchingly, "Lucy, if
you do not stop scOlding, / shall GER
tainly empty the contents of this pitcher
on you" Lucy paid no need 10 the
threat, when, alas the contents Of the
pitcher came upon her. OF course this
made the now thoroughly irate Lucy
boiling. The husband then seized pail
OF water and said Lucy, if you don t
stop scolding, / shall certainl Y throw
this water on you" Lucy again needed
not the threat, and received the water in
consequence This but added insult to
injury, and Lucy waxed more wrathy
than ever. Then the husband caught
up pail OF soapsuds and cried, Lucy,
If you dom stop / shall certainly douse
you with these suds." The soapsuds
threat also failed 10 have any effect, and
she was treated with soapsuds BY this
time she lady was wet 10 the skin, and
hastily retreated 10 her sleeping apart
ments TO change her clothing, ali the
while scolding TO the best Of her ability.
The husband hastened TO the we'll and
drew up two pals Of water, and, on re-
turning, informed Lucy that the cold
water was for her Cold water had the
desired effect, and Lucy surrendered, and
now we understand all is serene once
more; how long 70 last, no one knows.
Amateur Thpatrlcals.
The long looked for Thursday arrived /;
seven o'clock came, and 80 did the audi
ence. Ting, ting, ting went the
prompter's bell at eight precisely, and
dash went the orchestra into the over
ture. The individual who played the
flute was near sighted and slightly deaf /;
the piano came in first and violOncello
next, quite distancing the flute, which
too-t0o'd away, unconscious that IL was
all Wrong, until apprised by the applause
that the overture was concluded.
Ting, ting went the bell The cur
tain shook and rose sufficiently to dis
play several pairs Of yellow boots, and
there it remained. The audience
Uttered. Ting, ting, tingl went the
bell again, and after another painful de-
lay, the curtain at length rose and re-
vealed Mr. s., decked for Othello. In the
course Of the tragedy it was discovered
that Iago could not get on any Of the
stage.bOots and was obliged to appear In
a pair Of Hessians, which c0ntrasted
oddly with his gorgeous attire. Many Of
the performers could neither walk in
their tights or move in their jackets. Mr..
f., who was too tall for the scenery.
wore hat with immense white plumes.
the glory Of which was lost in the
flies and another trouble was that when
it was of his head he could not put il
on, and when 10 was on he could not
take IL Off The " red fire" which wa-
burned for scenic effect, nearly suhOcated
/ the audience, and the conclusion Of the
| play was acted in n thick fog.
The subject Of theatricals is now never
mentioned in certain families, and tho
younger members appear to have lost tho
/ relish they once possessed for the beau
ties Of Shakespeare, and quotations from
J the immortal bard