Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1878-04-24

Man is in one canto, as follows:
Mans vapor,
Full nf woes;
Starts paper,
Up he goes.
The U, S. Treasury has refused to
pay the farmers for the NATIONAL use
of the ground on which the battle of
Gettysburg was fought. And right
ly, too. If the one who caused the
battle can be found let him pay.
A young lady much pull-backed
and with hair artistically banged, en-
tered one of our confectionery store
a day or two ago and asked for 10
cents worth of chocolate cannibals.' y
She got 'em.-Norristown Herald.
An affable gentleman entered the
Bank of Jacksonville (F'lorida) and
engaged the cashier in conversation,
loudly bewailing the sad state of the
country. Meanwhile q confederate
slipped in, stole 81 800 from the safe
and escaped.
A Baldwin locomotive recently
proved its superiority in speed, econ
omy and power over British COMPETE
ton in New South Wales, and now
there is call from that country for
more American locomotives and
more cars.
She asked the clerk If he was posi-
tiye-thoroughly convinced that the
eggs were fresh. ooh. es," said the
young philosopher. 81 know they
are: why, the farmer said none of his
hens were more than year old"
She bought basketball on the spot
Syracuse Times.
Delaware county, Iowa, has TWEEN
ty-one creameries in operation and
ten more are to be built this season.
She has also six cheese factories. l.,
is estimated that 100000 pounds of
butter were marketed in Manchester
the past season, for which the farmers
who sell there received u quarter of q
million dollars
A petrified crocodile, forty-s feet
in length, has been exhumed near
Como Station, on the Union Pacific
Railroad, and shipped to Yale Col
lege. The discoveries, NJ. Carlin,
the station agent, and Reed, section
boss, get ~, 200 for their find, and a
monthly salary Of $3.50 to hunt for the
mate of the monster.
A horned rattlesnake is being ex-
hibited at New York, which was cap
tured in Mcdowell county, N. c.,
where it used to make its appearance
yearly, retreating each time to a den
of over 500 snakes, all Of which treat
ed the antlered one with the greatest
respect, surrounding her with q body
guard and caring for her welfare.
A man saw a ghost while walking
along a lonely highway at midnight.
The ghost stood exactly in the mid
die Of the road. and the wayfairLr,
deciding to investigate, pokcd at il
with his umbrella. Th" next instant
he was knocked twenty feet into a
mud-hole. Moral-Never poke an
umbrella at q large white mule when
his back is turned.
An officer of cadets at the recent
launch in Chester, Pa, saw his men,
contrary to orders, letting number
Of visitors through their ranks. He
rushed up and asked, what are you
letting this rabble through for p
A moment after he discovered that
the leader Of the ''rabble" was the
Secretary Of War, who was as much
amused at the incident as the officer
was disconnected.
A house in Boston dealing largely
in wooden goods has been so often
cheated by fabrics protesting to be
all wool aud found TO contain large
admixture of cotton, that il now SUBJ
mits all specimens before purchasing,
to chemical test, by which the wool
and the cotton, il the latter BE- present,
are separated and the fraud made ev-
ideGt. 1t is difficult to discover the
cheat by ordinary inspection. The
cotton and wool are mixed and card
ed together before being spun into
yarn.
The citizens Of Arkansas do not
consider immigration altogether q
blessing. One of their leading ex-
changes says: "It is our duty to say
at the outset that Arkansas is not a
large almshouse where people are fed
and clothed gratuitously, nor do We
wish to convey the idea that liveli-
hood can be secured without an eff
fort. Any who indulge in such illu-
siOns had better remain where they
are. What is wanted is muscle, CAPT
tai, industry, brains and common
honesty"
"Ah, Monsieur de c." said a
gentlemen TO French friend, the 9th.
err day, "sorry to hear you've lost
your WIFE" "Oui, sare," replied the
Frenchrnap, "ze misfortune HORRIBLE
my poor wife, ~ attended the fune.
raj at the church." continued the gen.
tleman "you seem to be taking on
terribly about it, l noticed" "Ze
church," exclaimed the Frenchman
excitedly. "Ze church All, my friend
Eat was Messing. You should have
seen me at 70 grave. Zere | raised
h-l.'--Phaadelphia Ledger.
During the Crimean war, Turk
while at his noon prayer one dsy
was kicked and told to get out of the
way by an English soldier. He paid
no attention to the insult until hi
prayer was finished, when he offered
to fight the Englishman. Johnny
Bull, thinking he had q soft Turk
"squared" himself, but received 8
most severe. humping, and, as h.
cried "Iiold enough" you can imag
inc his CONSERVATION when the victo
rious worshipper exclaimed, "NOw
mkt time We insult Turk, be sur,
he's not from Kilkenny"
The torpedo has been heretofor,
supposed to be the most formidabl,
weapon in marine warfare, but if tn,
Expectations of the designer, NJ. OF
iyier, of Paris, of the new submerg
ed vessel are realized, it will far sur
pass the stationary torpedo in efficien
cy. This boat can either float on th,
Surface, or, by means of an arrange
ment of wings or fins at the bow, b,
made to descend under water to an,
Required depth. Provision is mad
for the respiration Of the occupants
who can guide it at their pleasure
Such n craft would be able to ap
proach an ironclad, fix its torpedo
and retire unsupported.
i The Rev. Talmage wears no shir
Wristbands, and opens his mouth 8
wide as to imperil his ears. In re
J pose he has q saturninc look in &C
ton he is like wind mill on spree
He speaks about the "Gahd of Abra
hum" the "solum" occasion, tn
"spirut" of love, and the miracle o
.Johns," and other matters unknown
to English speakers in general. II
slams the bible aud hymn-bool
around the pulpit promiscously, an
can CLEAN like demon or beam lik
painted angel Aud yet this ma
draws from 5000 to 1900 persons I
hear him twice week, year in an
: year out.
Don't He Deceived.
Many persons say 81 hsven't got III
Consumption when asked to cur
their Coughs with Shiloh's ConsnmE
ton Cure. Do they not know tbs
: Coughs lead 10 Consumption, aud
! remedy that will cure Consumptio
j 1 ~ 4.