The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1878-06-18
SUNBEAMS,

~N--'
What is the best name for waiter
Why, Cumming, sir, of course.
The pufed-up egotist who says wo-
man cannot do anything so well as man
has never seen her pack trunk. =
A Chicago lady complains of the unre-
mitting love of an absent husband. He
never sends her any money.
A Maine paper aptly eulogizes local
pastor as having ''maoie six hundred hearts
beat Gs three hundred" during his min
istry.
The Bible says:-"Of all things, wis
dom is profitable to man, That's so. A
man never calls his wife baldheaded old
woman but once.
How to start roomcr nowadays-Just
let his landlady ask HIM for next weeks
board in advance.-N. Y. Commercial Ad-
0erttSer.
An old salt, sitting on wharf the other
day, very soberly remarked: Il began
the world with nothing, and I have held
my own ever since.
A hen-pecked husband of Brooklyn says
that his wife is a regular vertigo. "-Ddn-
bury Neus Alludlng, probably to the
violent way in which she lies to his head.
-Philadelphia Bulletin.
A scientific correspondent of the Brook
lyn Union explains that the center lamp on
the street cars has been introduced as
| al, en- 4ho
lighter.
"Always try to hit the nail upon the
head, my boy" said an uncle to his
nephew; but the nephew's little cousin
whispered to him, Don't hit the nail on
your finger, for it hurts awful"
The English language is inadequate to
express. the forlorn feelings OF the boy
who thinks he has stolen a dime novel ana
Reporter.
eff we would have q free country, we
must have a free press" heroically ex-
claimed a devoted daughter of rich
Nevada miner, as she slid down grape
arbor at two o'clock in the morning aud
then eloped with poor editor.
You can't kill 'em. A Phenicia On. ~
cat that had been shut up in shed for
two months and a half without food or
water was taken out aliye the other day,
and attended a soiree mewsicale on the
back fence the following evening.
A creditor in Maysville, Ky, sought to
get an attachment on the ground that his
debtor had said, Pm going to sell out and
go to hell" thus justitying belief that he
intended to quit the State. The Justice
decided that the remark was no indication
that the DEBTOR meant to go out Of Ken
lucky.
| Little Johnny shas peculiar views as to
original sin. One day he was about to be
punished for some mlsdemeanor, when he
pleaded. wasn't me, mamma, dear;
1t was the bad man" "Well, Johnny, 1
am going to whip the bad man out of
YOU" ''Ah, yes, but it will hurt me
precious lot m re than it will the bad
man."
A little Athol boy, guilty Of some mis-
conduct, upon being asked why he could be
so naughty, replied that he thought he was
not doing anything very wrong. '"That's
no excuse" said his mother; thinking
doesn't help the matter much" 'Weu,
mamma" said he, whats the use of hav-
ing thinker, if you can't thinkY
"What Is your religion, my friend ~
asked clergyman of tramp with a cal
cium nose. "Me? belong to the Moth
marian denomination" "lndeed? l never
heard of that sect. What are its tenets p
earnestly inquired the parson. "Why, we
believe, ye see, thut-we believe thut-wall
we believe, that whatever hez happened
wuz TO be whether it come to pass OF
not.
In Nubia, as soon as girl is married,
her mother is forbidden by law ever again
TO speak to her, under pain of being roasted
on the spit. Oh dear! what O great deal
that is really good in the institutions Of
heathendom might be adapted by us
| Christians Let an American mother-in-
! law beware, however, if her daughters
husband proposes trip to Nubia some OF
these days. He will have her on that spi,
within SIX hours aftT her arrival at the
nearest Nublan port.
AS they were taking their oysters this
lady gave little scream of rapture and de-
Cacned from one of the bivalves that had
fallen to her pearl. Il wonder" said
she, as she examined it closely, ''if it is
worth anything. There does seem to be q
iaw in it," Her lord and master inspects
it critically and returns it with sapient
shake of the head. Bogus, sure" he
says; they couldn't afford to give real
pearls with oysters at twenty-five cents O
dozen."
AT the dinner of the Romsey Agricul-
tural Society in England, a clergyman
SAID that the records of Romsey Abbey
showed that his predecessors in the livings
of st. Leonard and st. Lawrence received
in the north aisle their tithes in kind.
They received every tenth COW, calf, OF
pig. A rather pompous, tight-laced clergy
man was one day called upon to christen q
child, but on asking its name, the woman
who brought it said, II don't know, sir;
its your child, sir!" 'My child!'' sx-
claimed he. eyes, sir, it's the tenth child,