, 1878-06-28
Wit and Humor.
CLEAR wether-Mutton cbons

DO EDITORS ever do wropg9" "Non
What do they doi" "They do write"
WhitehaA Times. ''
STATISTICS show that there is doc.o.
TO every 600 OF us. No wonder there -
such an awful amount of sickness 10
A BUFFALO man got kicked over nv
mule,and when he got up all he said w,o,
well, that's abrupt !"-Er. ""''
AT printers' festival lately the fo,,ou
ing toast was offered: "Woman--SeoOn"a,
to tue press in the dissemination Of
news" VI
A UTICA doctor is about to run a tolo
phone from his office to the residences ' ~
his patients. Death is being made oas;er
every year. Utica Obserper.
THE Burlington Hawkeye, having bao,d
that Miss Won Hillern hates awfullv 70
have women kiss her, remarks: "S,v
Bertha, don't you want to appoint a ' re-,
ceiveri" 's'
CnRoNIc.-"You are looking well, Mr.
Whitf." "Well2 You know that I an
never well. Just as soon as stop beina
sick for day feel worse for it the pext
morning"
OUT in California, the land of the olo.
rious climate, the first six months of The
year they pray for rain, the remaining
six months they run away from the foods
Statistical Paragmpher.
Mr. NErTLE was recently married to
Miss Thorn. That's what you might call
"a prickly pair" IN. Y. Com. ADJ,
These puns are calculated to make Nettle
rash. PittSbu1g Commercial.
IN was rich manufacturer of New
Jersey who said to his guests: "Ladies
and gentlemen, after the grapes ye shall
have beefsteak and mushroom, and then
vcnison, straight from Venice"
In reply to several threatening mes
sagos sent into this office, we desire to
explain that the man who takes thrash.
ings for articles in this paper is out of
to~n on a furlough~-Cats Re.
eorder.
The editor of the SeIinsgroye Times
wants cheaper whisky. Let him sign the
temperance pledge for three days, and
give the distillers chance to get little
ahead, and bis desires may be gratifed.-
BeIlefonte Waterman.
PROF. O-(to new comeD--"J-,
what is the gender of opum?" SIT is
neuter, sir; no, it is masculine; no, you
can't tell what it is" Prof. O.-'Why
can't you tell2" J.-"Why, sir, you can't
tell the gender till it is hatched.'
A MAN suffering from gout wa, ex-
planning to friend that his doctor did
not permit him to eat sweets, potatoes,
fruits, farinaCoous vegetables, ale, vile
"Well," exclaimed the friend, "whJ do
you not get another doctor9'-N. Y
Herald.
Doc G.SELLER.-"That ere haninal's
the real stock, mum, and dog cheaE at
$50" Young widow-"It's a sweet,
pretty darling, black and white; but in
my present state of bereavement Iou
must procure me one entirely black. This
will do very we'll in about six months, for
half-mourning."
A GENTLEMAN who is a sculptor in
feeble way, was calling on lady the
other evening. "How do you manage to
get the right facial expressiona' she
asked referring to his statuettes. "Very
simple" be said. 81 read Il poem ex-
pressing the passion desire to portray;
then, as my face expresses rage or love,
plunge head foremost into mass of
putty have at hand. This retains the
impression, and there you are."
Two men of this city were out, the
other day, soliciting money for charita-
BILE object. They came to the office of q
certain rich man, and hesitated about ap-
preaching him. One of the pair finally
concluded he would try it. When he
came out his partner asked him what
luck. "Not cent" said the man who
had "bearded the lion in his dcn"-'not
a cent. told him all about the distress
of the family, bat it was of no use. lie
was as indifferent as the rear guard Of
funeral procession" ~ Virginia (Nep)
Enterprise.
"AND you are at school now, are your
was the question OF a countryman to
little nephew, who, q short tine before,
had commenced his education. "And 40
you like the school, my man9" "Yes,"
whispered the boy. That's right.
You'll be q brave scholar, I'll warrant.
How far are YOU in your class, my little
student2' "Next to the head" Next
to the head, say youl Come, now, you
deserve something for that" said nls
uncle, thrusting dime into the hands Oh
the delighted urchin. "And how many
are in your class2" ~ and little
girl"
"MABEL CLARE" writes US the follow
ing fattering inquiry; care you the au'
thor of that tender little ballad, OAR.
ling, Kiss my Eyelids DOWN." Wei
We write such stuff as that3 "Kiss our
eyelids down7" Mabel, thou art beside
thyself; much reading hath made thee
mad. Darling, kiss our eyeIids down.
Now, isn't that nice thing to accuse us