West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-07-27
WAIFS AND WnIMS.


SATURDAY is becoming the fashiona-
bic day Of the week for weddings.
WHAT man must have his glass be-
fore he can do n days work. A glazier.
Two twin brothers are said TO be 40
much alike that they frequently borrow
money of each other without knowing IL.
WIEN Adam was half through nam
ing his descendants he got tired, and
said, Let's quit, and call the rest
Smith"
AGRICULTURAL gruml lers say we are
not going to have any corn this year.
What will we do for ten.year-old
whisky?
IN selecting colors for the various
apartments of your house, avoid brown
study AS for the library, il should al
ways be red.
MEDICAL examination "What *
there besides ether and chloroform to
produce unconsciousness2 Visiting
boy-"A club"
A JUDGE i'm Henderson, KY, sits on
the bench with his legs thrown over tho
desk in front OF him, and lighted
cigar in his mouth.
FoUR things are gricvously empty:
a head without brains, n wit without
Judgment, n heart without honesty, and
n purse without money.
OLD bachelors and old maids, though
not always happy themselves, have been
generous i'm refraining from bringing
misery TO their fellows.
How sturdily English was the declar-
alton Of Cobbett: speak not only so
that ! can be understood, but no that
can not be misunderstood. p
a NEVADA confirmed bachelor says
that he cannot have inherited his dis
! like for matrimony, for his father and
mother were both married.
A WYOMING man won ten dollars in
u wager by eating twenty pigs feet, and
some folks think he earned every cent of
the money -Breakfast Table.
Mr. Ross says il has cost him eighty
thousand dollars to find his lost Charlie.
\ good many men would gladly lose all
| their boys for half the money.
Mrs JFNKs has had her portrait pub
lished in Harper'S lVeekiy. The hat il
decidedly damaging to her testimony
Seven years behind the times, if a day
JACK aud GIN went mp tho hill,
10 get pail OF water.
Jack fell down and smashed his hat
and Gil went iumbling into an
-Fayens co., Rsoord.
SPEAKING of dancing, clergyman
hits the nail on the head with the re-
mark that "peOple usually do more
harm with their tongues than with their
toes"
LEAVE your grievances, as Napoleon
did his letters, unopened for three
weeks, and it is Astounding how few of
them, by that time, will require an
swcring
WISDOM is an acquisition purchased
in proportion TO the disappointmentB
which our frailties have eDtailed upon
Us; for few are taught by the suferings
Of others
A BOOK 50 small as TO require the aid
of n microscope 30 read il is TO be ex-
hibited at the Paris Exposition. A
catalogue, most likely, of the honest
hack-driyers.
As henevoIence is the most sociable of
all virtues, so il is Of the largest extent
for there is not any man either 80 great
or 30 little hut he rs yet capable Of Civ
/ ing and Of receiving benefits.
ONE great secret Of domestic enjoy
ment is too much overlooked--that of
| bringing our wants down TO our circum-
/ stances, instead OF toiling 10 bring our
/ circumstances mp 20 our wants.
| IN listening ~ some mems converse
| ton we fancy three marks of admira-
| tion a. the end OF each sentence, as
/ hierOglyphics Of the admiration Of the
| speakers at their own cleverness.
THERE are some sad things in this
/ life. The editor Of the Barton (Vt)
WOnH0r, who aided i'm securing the pas
sage Of the fish and game law, was fined
ten dollars aud cOst5 the other day for
violation of the act.
EPITAPH on "a tombstone i'm South
Carolina. Here is the body Of Rob
ert GOrdin, mouth almighty and teeth
accordin' stranger, tread lightly over
This wonder; If he opens his mouth you
arc gone, by thunder"
TIE Presidents melancholy and gem
Cral Indifference 10 consequences seems
to be communicating itself 10 the other
members of his household with sadden-
ing rapidity. Webb Hayes IS about TO
be married. BreqiJast Tobie
THE reduction of the price of lager
beer in Cincinnati TO three cents a glass
inspires n member of the Chicago Com
mon Council To- remark ct spoils all
the fun of competition when one citv
takes n mean advantage of another"
BRYANT never chewed plug tobacco.
smoked five-cent cigars or wrote with n
cedar pencil" And in this respect we
resemble Bryant to q very considerable
extent but when it came to writing
poetry Mr.. b. had the bulge ON us
ii we may be permitted 10 quote one of
{ the old Greek scholars. - Norristol0n
] HCrOd