The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-06-01
PASSING SMILES.

D.
DISTURBING the grave-Making a
| sober man laugh.
, IT is said that Chinaman's physique
improves inc climate. A Chinaman's
physique can stand good deal Of inn
provement tt
He has not brought in an armful Of
wood nor bucket of coal for his wife
in fourteen years. Both of his arms
were shot off during the late rebellion.
IT is we'll enough to denounce tramps
and say they won't accept positions.
Just offer one of them the presidency Of
of a bank once. That would be square
test.
BEFORE man delibritely makes up
his mind to be a raskal, he shood exam
inc hisself clusly tew asertane eff he
amt better constitooted fur phool.--
{ Josh Bi hngs.
FOND father" Well, my son, how do
you like college? Alma Mater has
turned out some great men," Young
hopeful tjust expelled),-" Yes, sir: she
has turned me out"
/ u A FRENCHMAN studying English de-
clares that, inasmuch as number of
cows are called cattle, why number
Of cats are not called cowtle is thing
he cannot understand.
II tax of one hundred dollars be
placed on every Chinaman landing in
California, the Imperial authorities at
Pekin threaten to impose a similar tax
on Americans landing in China.
"CoME till America, Pat" writes a
son of the Emerald Isle to friend in
Ireland; "all we have to do is to get a
three-cornered box and fill it wild bricks
and carry it till the top Of a three-story
building, and the man at the top does
all the work."
New Minister (who wishes to know
all about his parishioners) -" Then do i
7 understand you that your aunt is on
your fathers side, or your mothers"
Country Lad" Zometime one AN zome-
times the other, 'ceptin' when feyther
whacks them both, STRIP s
| A CATFISH was recently caught in the
Mississippi River at New Orleans, which
when opened was found to contain the
skeleton of baby and a box of shoe
backing. The box was open, but when
the backing was tried it was found to
be as good as when first bought
THE Fashion reporter who wrote in
reference to belle. !" Her feet were in
cased in shoes that might be taken for
fairy boots" tied his wardrobe up in
| handkerchief and left for parts unknown
when it appeared next morning: Her
feet were incased in pair of shoes that
might be taken for ferry-boats."
LITTLE GIRLS POEM TO SPRING.
Wake, little violet, wake to thelgh,;
The bright dewdrop viii give thee drinf,
And II thou weak ana fainting be,
/ The sun will cheer and comfort thee.
Lifting Its head on the streams messy brink,
Up sprsng the, violet to the breeze,
| Which tenderly kissed its lovely leaves
And opened Its petals, sof and white,
| To the happy world so fair and bright.
A LITTLE boy in a Sioux City Sunday
school put poser to his teacher. The
lady was telling her class how God pun
shed the Egyptians by causing the first
born in each household to be slain.
The little boy listened attentively, and
at the proper interval mildly inquired:
:" What would have God have done If
there had been twinsf"
| STUFFED mules are found to answer
all the purposes of the real live animal
for horse cars in Milwaukee, and much
cheaper to maintain. The introduction
of steam motors on the cars created
turmoil among the passing horses, whose
delicate sensibilities were found to be
effectually imposed upon by the employ
ment. of a mule in effigy placed in front
of each steam dummy.
PAT applied for a ticket to "Ne-
Yark" at the Providence station, the
other day. "Shore liner said the
ticket clerk. "Shure Incl What nd !
be takin' line as wasn't shure forT
"Shore, / said shore on the shore"
"Shorel to be sure / do; I'm not going
to say at all, begorra; dye think I'm
after sthereidge passidge, and not &C.
quainted wild railroad cAhr-rT a
Mrs. CARRUTHERs's house was in
tested by rats Somebody told Mrs.
Carruthers that if she would catch rat
and soak it in benzine, touch match to
it and let it go, all the rats would BE-
driven away from the house. Mrs. Car
ruthers acted on the suggestion; the
rats disappeared, so did the house, and
Mr.. Carruthers was obliged to retain o
lawyer to recover his fire insurance.
THEpresentis most undoubtedly an age
of thought, research and reason old
dogmas are being overturned long lived
fallacies exposed, and superstition ban
ished by the regensrating light of
{ science borne aloft in the onward march
of progress-but--see here--do you sup
pose we shall ever be any nearer know
ing how it comes that the homeliest men
are always the ones who adopt their
own photos for trademarks?
THREE Irishmen, who had dug ditch
for four dollars, were quite at loss TO
know how to divide the pay '"aqually."
But one of the number had been to
school, and reached division in the arithr
metic, SO it was left to him. He did it
at once, saying: Its aisy enough:
Sure, there's two for you two, and
two for me, too" The two received
their portions with greatly increased
respect for the advantages learning
gives man.
4 WE have the assurance of the wise
man that call things are mutable, and
must surely pass away" but it seems
almost too much to hope that the wheel
barrow form of imbecility will not prove
] an exception to the rule and hang
on until long after every ether species Of
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