The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1878-12-26
SHAYINGS.

A Pun,job for all the paragraphers-
The new war in the Fast.
Ifthe women of Portugal are Portu'
gueres, are the men Portuganders =
There is class whom beggars CAM
put up with; they are hotel keepers.
A new town in Idaho has been named
Onegirlia, because there is only one glr
there.
"Heaven lies about us in our infan,
cy," and pe do our lying for ourselves
when We get older.
"Here is your writ Of attachment,
said town clerk, as he handed lover
q marriage license.
son this point I am very uneasy" as
tho fly said to the boy who had stuck o
pin through him.
Isn't it queer how all the smoke in
stove will find its way to one little
crack and come outs
Three things seen in peacock-The
garb of an angel, the walk Of thief,
and the voice ofthe devil. e..
Laramie county, Wy, employs men
at one hundred dollars month to hunt
down lightning rod agents.
Sam-'John, do you think my poetry
makes music?' John-'Don't know
Sam, but it makes me sick
The borrowing fend, who is always
little short of change, is an enemy,
to whom no quarter should be shown.
There is no disgrace in being poor
the thing is to keep it quiet, and not let
your neighbor know anything about it.
It is when a woman tries to whistle
that the great glory of her mouth is
seen without being very much heard
Galveston has at last raised the quar-
autine. She might not have done it so
soon if the rest of Texas hadn't raised
the devil.
If you want to hear man tell we'll
developed. full grown lie, just poke
your head in a store and ask change for
FIVE dollar bill.
One of the articles shipped from India
to China is sailed rats, which are, as is
well known, highly appreciated in China
as an article of food.
:'There! that explains whore my
clothes line went to y! exclaimed an
Iowa woman, as she found her husband
hanging in the stable.
A boarding house mistress, like the
rest of US, has her weak and strong
points, the weak point being her coffee
and the strong point her butter.
A man in Santa Barbara county,
California, is making living by clear
ing farms of squirrels at ten cents an
acre, and guarantees thorough work.
A pretty girl out West is "miud
reader" She said to bashful beau
the other night: LA! I believe you
are going to kiss me-" She was right.
IF you were to offer ten thousand dol.
lars for a sewing machine that didn't
take the first premium at the Paris Ex-
hlbition, we don't suppose you could
get one.
Burglar-proof burial vaults are now
10 great demand. New-made wills con-
tain provision, "See that my grave
ain't robbed" instead of "See that my
grave is kept green"
A sewing machine agent, who was
very i'll, being told that he must pre-
pare to pay the debt of nature, wanted
to know if it couldn't be paid on the
monthly iustalment plan.
A girl says that when she dies she
desires to have tobacco planted over her
grave, that the weed, nourished by her
dust, may be chewed by her bsreave6
lovers. There is poetry in the idea.
Tho man who took newspaper fnr
FIVE years and then got mad because the
printer reminded him through the col,
ums of his paper that it was time so pay
up. was kicked to death last week by
blind mule.
Women are like tulips-the more
modest aud retiring they are the better
we love them. yes added Snodgrass,
and men are like bugles-the more
brass they contain the further you can
hear them
I'm tough cuss from Bitter Creek,
is the expression employed by the Pains
desperate 10 inform everybody that he
is on the fight Further east the cor
responding member of society says, I'm
wolf, and this is my time to howl
In Kentucky he says. I'm yard wide
and all WOOL
". V. Tyler, a Whitehall (Mich.
confsctioner, has fallen heir TO 100000
by the death of an uncle in England;
but according to the provisions Of the
will if he docs not marry before becom-
ing of age the money is to 90 to the
English Church. Mr.: Tyler is not
quito twenty years old yet, but we will
Haoer ANYTHING that the church will