St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-08-16
Squibs.

How a New Hampshire newspaper
heard it : Ex-Governor Miller of Mimi
esota is delivering a lecture in that
State which is entitled: "AlI Men are
Liars" His tickets read: "All Men are
Liars-Admit one."
Scene in Yale college recitation
room Professor-What is light Stu
dent-Light ? Light? Light is lumi-
Mostly. PrOfessor-That is sufficient.
Two Lawyers, while bathing at San
ia Cruz the other day, were chased out
of the water by a shark. This is the
most f1agrant case of want of profess
siOnal courtesy on record.-San Fran
cisco Post.
Mrs A.-'ENow, Mrs B., will you come
and see our apiary ?" Mrs B. (who has
been putting it off all the afternoon)-
''Well, Mrs A, the thing is, you know,
Tm-Pm rather afraid of monkeys"
The Brooklyn Union-Argus is very
apt at seeing the difference between
the weather and baby. "One never
rains but tpOurs; the other never pains
but it roars."
We hear of lad who is much given
to the perusal of reports of accidents.
"My child" said his fond mother the
other night, 'you have neglected your
catechism lately" eyes, my dear moth
er," he replied, after "a moments pro-
found thought, 81 was afraid that it
might explode"
"Well, General, you didn't get my bill
through" "Your bill, sir, 2" asked the
General. eyes, my bill for granting
pensions to the heirs of those who were
called out by General Strong" ayes, 1
remember. Yes; why, 1 carried that
bill through both houses without any
trouble" "YOu did Why didn't see
anything about it in the newspapers
''My dear sir !" said the General in his
most tragic tones, 81 carried your bill
through both houses in my pocket"
An eyewitness says that work on the
Boston post Office extension is progress
ing slowly. Four masons squinted over
block of stone yesterday for three
hours, to decide if it was level, and then
went to dinner. A couple of men who
spent the principal part of one after
noon in getting in and out of their over
alls, got as far as splitting on their hands
before it was time to "knock off, thew
will lift couple of planks early in the
week.
Square umbrellas are reported as the
latest things in Paris. That's nothing,
We have been using square umbrellas a
long time; at least they are never
round-when wanted.-ROme Sentinel.
A Johnston butcher found a plain
gold ring marked 18-karats, in the en-
trails of slaughtered steer. The ami
NAL was doubtless fond of carrots, but
was mighty poor speller.
Why pay 800 for a phonograph.
when S1.50 judiciously invested in ice
cream, this summer, and two bushels of
turnips in the fall for marriage certif-
cate, will give you life lease on talk
ing machine that never requires anv tin
foil on the cylinder escapementq Young
man, these are times for the practice Of
economy, and you should reflect. Chi
cago Post. 49,
A doting Chicago father has lust re-
celved his sons expense account for tbe
last quarter at Princeton. Among the
items are: SO for revolver. $3.50 for
ammunition, $4for burglir-alarm. S26
for blacksmith's and locksmitb,s work
to make the study door Sophomore
proof, Sl7.50 for half-interest in bull
dog, 81 for sword cane, So. so for load
ed ditto, and $40 to doctor for digging
ouck-shot out of the calf of his leg. The
sympathizing progenitor says it is very
expensive work fitting young man for
the ministry.
1.-The cat in glOves,n said Franklin.
catches no mice" Indeed no not She.
When the cat is able to wear gloves She
can afford to buy her mice, ready dress
ed and cooked. Bully for the cat in
oves.-Bmlington Ha,ukeye.
"What would you say if you should
see the Indians coming right down up-
on you now ?" asks an Oregon paper.
Haven't given the question much
thought, but it strikes us we would saw.
excuse my ."-Detroit Post.
A little girl was asked: "What is the
sacrament of matrimony ~ The poor
child who had learned her lesson bv
rote, got little mixed and gave the
answer to another question, as follows.
1T is state of torment into which
souls enter to prepare for another and
better world" The priest, who had
observed but not experienced, simpIv
replied with sigh, "For aught I know
you may be eoperfeetly light and went
on with the examination.