The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1878-01-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

TRUE to the last-A we'll made boot.
meat shop.
The old-fashioned 1O-cent scrip is the
dime novel of to-day.
STRICTLY religious people should be
careful to select onl y upright pianos for
their houses.
TINS is the season when man who
wants to remember the poor can sit down
and think of himself the whole day long.
The nationality of the following cpl
taph will be speedily recognized:
Here lies the bodies of two sisters dear;
Ones buried in Ireland-the other lies here.
WHAT is the difference between a man
struck with amazement and a leopards
tail? Oneis rooted to the spot and the
other is spotted to the root.
We are told that the smallest hair
throws a shadow. And SO il does. It
throws shadow over your appetite when
you find it in your victuals.
IT is so easy for young ladies to be
good. Even in kissing each other they
act the golden rule, ''do unto others as
yewould that men should do unto you"
A LANDLORD asked of newly-arrived
boarder, "Does smoking offend you?"
"Not at all, SIR IS [ am glad to hear
it, as you and your chimney are given
to the practice. .-.
LIFE is but dream-a feeting
dream =" Just then some one
stepped on his corns, whereat he ex-
claimed, with obiurgations, "and the
dream has feeted.
surrey you must be tired, aunty.
can't think how it is you are able to
work SO long" Lawks bless you, my
dear, when I onst sits down to it like
I'm just too lazy to leave oft.
A MISS PIGEON came very near being
drowned at Memphis last week, but
man dotted his cote and dove in after
her.-St. Louis Journal. He cooed do
no less than carrier home afterwards. =
Boston advertiser.
CORDIAL, but equivocal mamma
Look, Cissy, here is the dear doctor
coming. What favorite he is See,
even the little chickens run to meet him."
Cissy-'' Yes, ma and the little ducks
cry 'quack, quack 7 %
"YoU low, bad, wicked boy, Tom, to
throw SIGH great big stone at my little
brother; I do believe you've killed
him p ''Then [ say, Mary, if he's RELY
dead, give us his hoop and stick, cos I
should loike summat to remember i'm
by"
OUT in Dakota the other day stage
load of passengers were compelled to
hold their hands above their heads while
gang of highwaymen robbed them.
One of the victims, who remarked,
"This is high-handed piece of bust
ness" was allowed to keep his watch as
a reward for his humor.
A NEGRO was sentenced in Floyd, Ga,
to be hanged in September, and he
asked the Judge to appoint an earlier
day. His Honor remarked that propriety
prevented change. "Never mind the
propriety, Judge" said the prisoner,
I'm the man that's going to be hanged,
and ought to nave something to say
about it"
"WHAT did the Russian soldiers send
some hot grapes to the Turks for, papa?"
asked 6-year-old, who bad been spell
| Lily OuU o. newspaper OdAdSo4npns A1OG
grapes, my dear % ayes, papa" the
paper says, "The Russians threw
grapes-hot for two hours" The differ
ence between fruit and grapeshot had to
be explained for small space.-Bosto7a
Bulletin.
ABOUT the only time boy ever seems
to feel any delight in his work is when
he is taken into barber-shop and put
in sole charge of brush broom. He
gives his whole mind and strength to
business then, and nothing in the world
can stop the movement of his arm until
he has banged the customer from his
eyebrows to his heels and pounded him
into the street, without removing a hair
from the garments beaten. Breakfast
Table.
WHEN Mark Twain lectured recently
at town in Massachusetts, it was ar
ranged that Z. B. Aldrich, the poet,
should introduce him. When Mr.. AID
rich was about to step forward to per-
form his duty, Mark checked him. Then,
advancing to the edge of the platform,
while the amazed poet resumed his chair,
the humorist remarked: "Ladies and
gentlemen, my friend, MFR. Aldrich, was
going to tell you who was, but would
rather not-he knows me too well. )"
T.,o4;GohIo unro;o;do