The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1878-05-08
WIT AND HUMoR

If you are tired of your sweetheart this is
the time of year to let her slide.
Ladies', the best way to beautify the hand
is to put a quarter in it, and then shake
hands with some suffering fellow creature.
She was dropped heavily on the sidewalk,
and the saw-dust burst from her arms and
legs in prosusion- She was a doll
Philosophers say that shutting the eyes
makes the sense of hearing more acute. A
wag suggests that this accounts for the many
closed eyes that are seen in our churches.
A Wisconsin editor blows about the La
Crosse hotels, and the Sun of that city asks
him what he could tell about n hotel bill-of-
fare by licking a salt barrel out on the side
walk?
The untutored Indian is rapidly adapting
himself 10 our civilization. A Wisconsin
squaw blew herself higher than a kite last
Monday, by simply filling a kerosine lamp
while it was lighted.
No expression of the human countenance
can equal the look of Lonesome ainazement
that flashes over the face of the solitary oys-
ter at finding himself scooped up in a gallon
OF church sociable soup.
The skating being now very good, tooth
ache and cholera morbus have appeared
among the boys, just after school begins, in
the nature of Al epidemic, and threaten to
sap the foundation of our educational sys-
tenn.
What is editorial courtesy {" asks o
Southern paper. Why, it is when a South.
ern editor is caught stealing chickens al
midnight, and his brother editors kindly
allude to the matter US "a strange freak Of
q somnambulist."
81 make II a point, madame, to study my
own mind" said a gentleman to a lady who
had exhibited some surprise at an opinion
he had expressed. Indeed" she replied,
al didn't suppose you understood the use
Of o microscope"
Some signs may DO relied upon. When 0
lady makes a young man a present of q
handkerchief, and he Immediately proceeds
TO lock It up in n drawer, Notwithstanding
that he has a cold In the head and his wash.
ing hasn't been brought home, it is usually
safe to presume that he is in love.
Bis last words to her in the morning werei
WRAP up warmly, darling, If you go out
shopping to-day; the weather Is very cold"
She said she would, and before she went out
she had all her bustles weighed, and put on
the heaviest one. What will net n woman
do for the man she loves?
A prominent Connecticut writer "a noted
for neglect In his personal appearance. The
night before Christmas q gentleman spoke
TO q friend OF making the author a present.
II want to get him something that he would
keep" observed the gentleman. "In thai
case I would suggest q cake Of soap" rc-
marked the friend.
As the thermometer loses its grip and
drops lower and lower, how often are we
compelled 10 witness the spectacle of O man
getting all ready TO go home, ana then, with
"a shuddcring dread of the wintry blast, back
up to the Office stove and cremate the tails
Of bis overcoat until the smell of the burn
ing cloth Is so loud that it can be heard at a
q distance of half a mile.
A lawyer was cross-examining n high
spirited woman, who was evidently q match
for any man, while her husband sat sheep
ishly Listening. The lawyer was pressing q
question urgently, when she said, with fire
flashing from her eye, You needn't think to
catch me, for you tried that once" "Mad-
am, I have not the slightest desire to catch
you, and your husband looks rs If he was
sorry he did"
The weather is hard on table knives, but
1t is economical in point of butter. Not one
man in six has patience to rub a piece of
butter back and forward on n piece of bread
until it melts, TO say nothing Of its DISPOSE
tion to fly in his eye, get under the edge of
his plate, and skip over tho floor. A quar-
ter Of an ounce of frozen butter, when il
feels well Mt breakfast, can raise n row in
the family that will last until noon.
A schoolmastcr tells the following good
one: 81 was teaching in q quiet country
village. The second morning of my session
had leisure to survey my surroundings, and
among the scanty furniture / espied n three
legged stool. is this the dunce-block p I
asked a little girl of five. The dark eyes
sparkled, the curls nodded assent, and the
lips rippled out, Il suppose so; the tencher
always sits on it," The stool was unoccu-
pied that year.
There was a very pleasant donation party
tho other evening, and the company sang,
ave give up all for Heaven f." with deep
feeling but the next day the minister ex-
pressed q desire to resign. He said that
three quarts of beans, a pillowcase of dried
apples, two pounds of headcheese, a pan of
twisted d%oughnuts, and q calico dressing
gown were undoubtedly very valuable in