West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1878-07-20
Mr.. Pottles Gets on an Innocent Spree
lBrcaki,., Tablet

TWO months, ana the trSt lecture course
had not yet opened. He was welded 10
sweet, blue-eyed little lassie with
golden curls and sunny smile, who
loved him To distraction, and believed
that he moved on plane but little he
low the angels, and, to tell the truth,
MI. Iottles was a pretty straight sort of
a man. He b longcd to no lodges, and
bad never looked upon the wine in any
color The foaming lager lured him
not, and the mystery of those pernicious
decoctlons that befuddle the brain and
raise old Ned with the purse was some
thing he had never sought To fathom.
The idea that we wish to impress is, that
Mr.. Pottles had never touched a drop of
bug-lulCe in any shape. Lonesome 2
Well perhaps he might have been at
times, but he was free from headache. and
had nose that shrunk not from public
gaze.
a little cloud came over Mr. Politics.
Eden one day, and blurred the bright
aurora OF his newly welded bliss. 1t
happened that he had an occasion To
visit distillery on business matter.
and while there was invited by the
proprietor 20 take a tour of inspection
through the establishment. An, ha 20
soy Nbhf hN hliuh anu ltlls NlltM he
would-they all do sooner or later" Not
a bit of it-not a single drop did he
taste. But he inhaled the Napor and
drank it in through the pores, AID when
he came out into the sunlight MIR.
Pot'les was thoroughly drunk from the
crown of his hat TO his boot-heels. He
st pped high, and staggered, and reclcd
and stumbled around for all the world
"A 4 thpt,vh hn hal ,lv,,,,l- -, 4
fashioned orthodox way.
Perhaps there wasn't a scene when
MIR. Pottles finally got home, smelling
like gin-mill, and looking like n Simon
pure hummer with the marks of de
bauchery ali over himl Well, when
the neighbOr women on both sides got to-
gcther and compared notes .he next
day, il was their unanimous verdict that
whole menagcric i'm one cage wasn't a
circumstance compared TO Mrs Pottlcs
with her mad up. She was little, but
oh, dear! And was il any wonder, Mrs.
Jarvis2 Not married two months vet,
and here he comes home with mud all
over his clothes and one coat tail
missing, with his hat all iammcd
out of shape, his nccktie gone. and
the collar hanging by one button,
N'N ~ bi'hA dNAn VII Ills nose,
and tobacco Juice all over his shirt
'front.' oh, it was awful it was that
and if il was her, she wouldn't live with
him another day-she'd have "A divorce
right away, and that. too, before the
week was out. These terrible men !!
How deceiving they are This man
Pottles had declared up and down that
he had never drank drop i'm all his
life, and now after he'd beguilcd that
sweet little mite To marry him, hc must
commence at his old tricks again. and
come staggering home in broad day
light! 1t was hCrrid-awful- -drcadful-
yes, il was outrageous - downright
shameful; and if she had such man TO
deal with--well, some folks would sec
whether she'd wash his face and chase
out after doctor to- come and sober the
wretch up and give certificate that he
hadn't touched drop-just got drunk
on the smell of the drink-that was a
little too thin. Some folks might be-
lieve it if they wanted TO, but she wasn't
quite fool enough for that herself vet
thank you. And 80 they went on, the
two Of them, convincing each other that
POttles was a fiend and villain Of the
worst and lowest kind, and shouldn't be
allowed TO draw breath on a street with
respectable people.
Poor Pottles had trying time with
his wife, and though he was far from
being clear in the head. he has some
thing like definite recollection that
his unexpected appearance developed no
less than seventeen different varieties of
Mysteries within less than that many
minutes after he fell into the house. II
didn't seem to do the least particle Of
good for him 20 sit there i'm the middle
Of the floor and swear bv his never
dying soul that he was sober ~ a pail
bearer, and -
Hic--ain't tas' -hic-swallowtarry
d-er-hop, my dcar-jes es-hic-got
sick on 'er-hic- -smell-fOr fac. Smell
breathan' seefor- -yerselfW
No, it didn't calm her a bit, and she
might have been charging and crying
and tearing her hair, and bemoaning her
cruel fate and declaring she'd 90 right
home to ma at once, if Mr.. Pottles him
self hadn't took turn for the worse and
got 50 deathly sick rs TO awaken her
serious alarm and scare away all other
trouble.
The doctor assured her there was no
serious danger if he was only kept quiet.
and upon his assurance that not a drop
of stimulant had passed into his stOm-
ach, and the difficulty had occurred
most likely just as he had claimed, she
was Of course ready 10 forgive and for
get, but she has made him promise that
he Will never even take smell Of
the horrid stuff hereafter.