The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1878-02-28
DOCTORS.

DOCTORS.
A Good Story Told About Alexander II
Stephens and Bob Toombs.
A doctor named Royston had sued Pc
ter Bennett for his bill, long overdue,
for attending the wife of the latter. Alex,
H. Stephens was on the Bennett side, and
Robert Toombs then Senator of the Uni.
ted States, was for DR.. Royston. The
doctor proved his number of visits, their
value according to local custom, aud hi.
own authority to do medical practice,
Mr.. Stephens rold his client that the
physician had made out his case, and as
there was nothing wherewith to rebut OF
Offset the claim, the only thing left to do
"No," said Peter, ~ hired you to speak
to my case, and now speak,
Mr.. Stephens told him there Was moth.
ing to say; he had looked on to see that
it was made out, and it was. Peter was
obstinate, and az last Mr.. Stephens told
him to make u speech himself, if he
thought one could be made.
"I will" said Peter Bennett, "if Bob
Toombs won't be too hard on me"
Senator Toombs promised, and Peter
began:
SGentlemen of the Jury: You and l is
plain farmers, and if we don't stick to-
gether these 'ere lawyers and doctors will
git the advantage of us. l amt no law
yer nor doctor, and 1 aint no objections
to them in their proper place; but they
aint farmers, gentlemen of the jury.
Now, this man Royston was new doc
tor, and went for him for to come and
to doctor my wife's sore leg. And he
come an put some salve truck onto it,
and some rags, but never done it any
good, gentlemen OF the jury. I don't be-
Iieve he's no doctor, no way: There is
doctors as is doctors sure enough, but this
man don't earn his money (; and if you
send for him, as Mrs. Sarah Atkinson
did, for negro boy as was worth 81 900,
he Just kills him and wants pay for it. "
II DON'T" thuadered the doctor.
"Did you cure him ?" asked Peter with
the slow accents of judge with black
cap on.
The doctor was silent, and Peter pro-
ceeded:
"As I was sayin', gentlemen Of the
Jury, We farmers when we sell our cotton
has 20. to give vally for the money we
ask, and doctors amt none too good to
be put to the same rule. And / don't
believe this Sam Royston is no doctor,
nohow."
The physician again put in his oar,
with, "Look at my diploma if you think
I am no doctor"
"His diplomat exclaimed the new
fedged orator with great contempt. "Hia
diplomat Gentlemen, that is big word
for printed sheepskin, and it didn't make
no doctor of the sheep as first wore it,
nor does it of the man as now carries it.
A good newspaper has more in it, and
I'll pint out to ye that he amt no doctor
at all"
The man of medicine was now in a
fury, and screamed out, "Ask my pa.
tients if I am not doctor p
81 asked my wife," retorted Peter, "an'
she said as. how ahe thought you wasn't"
s'Ask my other patients" said Royston.
This seemed to be- the straw that broke
the camel's back, for Peter replied with
look and tone of unutterable sadness:
"That is hard aayin', gentlemen Of
the jury, and one that requires me to die
or to have powers as I've hearn tell
ceased to be exercised since the Apostles
Does he expect me to bring the Angel
Gabriel down to toot his horn before
his time and cry aloud, Awake, ye dead,
and tell this court and jury your opin-
ion of Royston's practice2' Am I to 60 tc
the lonely churchyard and rap on the 81
lent tomb and say to um as is at last at
rest from physic and doctor bills, Get up
here, you, and state if you died natural
death, or was hurried up some by doc.
tors?' He says ask his patients, and
gentlemen of the jury, they're all dead !
Where is Mrs. Beazley's man Sam? Ge
ask the worms in the graveyard where he
lies. Mr. Peake's woman Sarah was at
tended by him, and her funeral was ap
pinted and he had the corpse ready
Where is that likely Bill as belonged tt
Mr.. Mitchell? Now in glory a. express
in his opinion on Royston's doctorin'
Where is that baby gal of Harry Ste
phens'e She are where doctors cease
from trouhlin' and the infants are at rest
Gentlemen of the jury, he has e
chicken enough at my house to pay TO
his sal7e, and furnished the rags, ant
I don't suppose lie charges for maxim o
her worse. and even he don't pretend t
charge for curin' of her, and l am hum
bly, thankful that he never give he
nothin' for her inwards, as he did hi
other patients, for Somethin' made un
all die mighty sudden
Here the applause made the speake
sit down in great confusion, and in spit
of a logical restatement of the case b!
Senator Toombs, the doctor lost and Pc
ter BENEFIT won.