Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1878-08-15
Numoruus department.
"MARRIED ONCE, BUT ONLY A LITTLE ,,

Arkansas, in general, is too rare and serious
to leave loophole for laugh to in.
Mr.. johnson Topp moved from Tennessee
across the Mississippi into Arkansas. He was
a man of means and bachelor. He was not
wholly averse to matrimony, but he had a
fear of widows. Grass widows especially were
a terror to him. He had moved from East
Tennessee to Middle Tennessee and from that
section to West Tennessee, and finally over
into Arkansas to escape from real or fancied
matrimonial danger arising from enterprisng,
perhaps charming, Tennessee widows.
That being Mr.. Johnson Topp's history, it
surprised his friends that he should appear as
defendant in the case of Dublin vs.. Topp ;
suit for breach of promise. But the Circuit
Court docket for Crittenden county disclosed
the fact of the suit, and the affidavit of Mrs
Melinda Dublin set forth the particulars.
The plaintiff was put on the stand to tell
how wickedly she had been led into false
hopes by the middle-aged bachelor.
II live at home with my old dad" she said,
"and this feller kept comm round thar ma.
kin believe he wanted to trade mules. At
ter he traded a time or two till that was
played out, he come wantin' cotton seed. l
kuowed he only wanted an excuse to get to
see me, and I told Pop when he come again
to bring him and see whether he'd talk tur-
KEY or not if he had fair chance. And that
was just what he wanted. You never see
man set up to woman pearter than he did
ss soon as ever Pop introduced US, tellin him,
"This is my darter, Malindy." He was pow
erful shy at the Offset; but let him get fairly
started on mules or shoates, and he was dead
sure to end with sparkin'. And it appeared
like he couldn't wait moren mint for
woman to say yes. I didn't fool with the
man as lots do, but said yes and about the
next thing that happened he was tryin' to
craw6sh. That's about the whole story"
But her lawyer did not think it was the
whole story, and he was right--there was
more to be told.
"Will you state to the jury how it happen
ed that the defendant, Topp, went back on
his word after he had asked you to marry
him ??
"Well, as I said before, he was the most
uneasy man until he got his answer, which
was yes. The fourth day of July, allowed,
would be soon enough for the wedding day,
but he couldn't wait until then-it was i'm
possible l told him to call Pop in and talk
it over. I went over to the kitchen to get up
a squar' meal, and show the man l could do
the tallest cooking in Arkansaw, when let
myself out for it in dead earnest"
"And what happened when your father and
the defendant, Topp, talked it over?
"Before l left 'em 1 told Pop the man was
on the marry, and I reckined it was all right
Pop allowed they'd best have something to
take. 1 set on the whisky and sugar, and
told them thar was cookin' to do; if they
preferred mint in theirs they knowed just
where to git it. When I came back saw
things was wrong. The first thing the man
said, and he lookin' soberin' funeral: Cur
mel Dublin, I allowed your gal, Malindy, was
single gal until this mint Is she single, or
is she ever been married aforeY And Pop
he told the truth, looking him plumb in the
eye She's been married onct-only lit
te-only little And I said, That's so;
he's talking the Gospel facts-only little.
The man lit out then mighty suddent; and
me and Pop thinks if thars any law in Ar
kansaw he orter pay"
The defendant urged that he didn't want
wife who had been married ever so little. He
thought he had been deceived. The jury saw
it differently. A little married didn't count
in Arkansas; he must pay. and he did pay.
THE SHAPE OF Docs NosE.-"I say the
dogs nose was blunt and stubby!" exclaimed
the beefy man, shaking his head. u reckon
/ have eyes, and don't need to put on specs
to tell dogs nose from an icepick when |
see it p
"May be not, when you're sober" said the
lathy man 'but if you say that the dogs
nose wasn't sharp and pointed, you was too
drunk to tell lamp post from toothpick,
and CONSISTENTLY your judgment was too fog
gy to know much, and if you bet on it you'll
back down or lose. | saw the dog before
sunrise, when | hadn't touched drop, an |
say 'pinted,' an stand by it up for all I'm
worth, and you dasen't meet me-"
The crowd by this time had increased to
a jam, and was growing faster than bill of
costs.
The beefy man reiterated his opinion with
a LOUD voice, and said he would wager all of
bis own property and everything he could
borrow, on the correctness of his proposition
The crowd grew larger and blocked up the
street. Those on the outer edge stood on tip
toe, with open mouths and eager eyes, look
ing at the backs of others, and wondering
what they were doing there, and what it was
all about.
The lathy man glanced around at the
crowd, wnked at the beefy man, and said:
cpl guess that'll do, Sam; save the rest
for next time;;" and stepping upon box
which had not been noticed he held up bot.
tie and put his lungs at work.
q
North American Wart, Corn and Bunion
Extractor! Sure as death, and cheaper than
YOU all feel only twenty-five cents bottle,
and cheap at half the money"
Every man in the crowd said "Sold!" and
suddenly lost all further interest in the shape
of the dogs nose.
Don't SAY TURKEY TO HER.-A writer in
the Raleigh IN. Co. Observer relates the follow
ing amusing story Mrs. Ailsy Walker, is one
of the frugal and managing housekeepers of
North Carolina that like to have people talk
about what she does, and always has more
and does more than any of her neighbors.
Among other things of her industry, she had
a most excellent jar of brandy cherries, too
good to use in common, which were set ASIDE
for special occasions. She had flock Of
turkeys too that were the envy of her neigh
bors, and the source of no little comment.
One day having extra company the cherries
were brought out, when 10! they we're spoilt,
and not fit for use, and were thrown out in
the back yard, when, unperceived, the turkeys
came along and found the cherries just to
their liking, and gobbled them up in true
turkey style, and an hour after were found so
dead drunk that they were taken for dead