Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1878-06-12
What He Knew about Farming.

settees, threw my head back, Inhaled
the briny breezes, and was enjoying
sort of dolce far niente circus generally,
when a stranger walked up and took
seat beside me.
He wore u soft hat and a pleasant
smile, together with the usual habili-
ments.
His coat was buttoDed up to his neck
in a manner indicating the fact that he
was either suffering from bronchitis or
had 10 shirt on.
He had a sort of Yellow Jack look
about him, and thought it advisable to
get out of his way.
Before | could do this, he said:
''Lovely weather this, eh?
Eyes, rather" L replied indifferently.
"Oh, what weather this is for farm
ing!"
81 know nothing whatever of farm
ing"
"Oh, you don't, eh?" he murmured
with a triumphant smile; swell, you
can bet your life 1 understand it from
beginning to end. Yes. used to be
the boss on farming. Why, used to
get up ideas that almost set the world
deranged."
There was something so marvellous
about the mans manner of making
simple statements. that (although he
looked as though he might have the
yellow fever in his clothes, as remarked
before determined TO risk my life to
hear his story.
''You see," he went on, "when | was
quite young, there was considerable
rivalry In the milk business around the
place where was brought up, and, as
there was quite a crowd OF rich city
people spending the summer in the
neighborhood, there was good chance
TO make money on cow-juice.
"Somehow or other there was re-
port circulated that all the milk and
butter purchased in the place was
strongly favored with wild onions.
Says l, I'll make my mark now; so l
put my little idea into execution. was
successful, you bet, and nobody could
understand what kind of milk l was
giving them.
"YOu see, fed the cows on violets,
oleanders, geraniums, mignOnette, etc..
in order 10 get the fragrance of those
flowers into the milk and butter; and,
you bet, got all sorts of puffs, "ads,"
encomiums, etc., till couldn't rest. /
made money, too.
"You just ought to have tasted one of
those milk punches-yOu talk about
your boss elixirs whoa jiminyv'
Seeing that he was completely carried
away with himself, 1 assured him that
l believed every word he said (Which
was a lie), and l should be only too
happy to listen to any other reminis:
cences he might have to relate.
This refreshed him so much that
he completely forgot the cows, and
branched OFF as follows:
81 once thought that could make an
independent fortune if | could only get
up little racket 10 raise fresh vegeta-
bles of all kinds in mid-water. / knew
that rich people would pay big prices
for anything of the kind, so | set to
work in good earnest 10 ascertain if /
could bring my hopes into blossom"
His metaphor was amusing.
You see, selected a good sized patch
behind the house, and about two feet
beneath the surface laid large iron
mines 4hnnr "A lF-
tance away L had a huge furnace built.
and hired fireman to keep it in full
blast all the time.
"The steam from this furnace passed
through the pipes and produced the
necessary amount of heat to counteract
the effects of the cold; and the beauty
of the thing was that it made the things
grow quick. You could see the seeds
burst like percussion caps.
"Why, l used to raise several crops in
one winter. As soon as I'd get the thing
going, the maple trees would commence
To give syrup, and buds would burst all
around. | tell you L just made things
howl, and don't you forget it!''
For the purpose of seeing how far he
would carry the thing, l Interrupted
him by saying:
''You said the vegetables developed
very rapidly 20
"Rapidlyl' he responded with con-
temptuous chuckle, swell, | think they
did; why, the carrots and turnips grew
so fast under the in fluence of that steam,
that after they made their appearance
above the ground, L used to be COM
PEELED to lay planks with weights on
them over the rows TO keep them from
jumping into the air."
Remarkable" !" l exclaimed.
'One day." he continued, without
noticing my interruption, "my grand
mother went out to take look at things,
and through her clumsiness she kicked
plank of the last turnip In the row
and before she knew what was the
matter, it few up and almost knocked
the brains out of her."
L thought it about time to get awav
from this amateur Ananias, but he
anticipated me and said:
''Those were only boyish frivolities;
just wait till tell you about the time
when l grated wings into pigs, and had
them flying around the house like
pigeons"
"W-h-at!!"' l shouted totally over
come by his utter serenity of counte-
nance; for he appeared to be in dead
earnest.
"Never mind, then," he went on
'I'll leave the pigs until the last, and
tell you how found perpetual motion.
You see, old Dobbin died, and we didn't
know what to do, because we were
greatly in need of horse-flesh to drag
stone. We were completely puzzled at
first, but L soon fixed things.
al got piece of loadstone heavier
Than the wagon and fixed it on the pole;
then l screwed a huge bar of steel on