Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1878-04-03
The Best stery that Alexander II. Stevens
Tells.


\ doctor named Royaton had sued
Peter Bennett for his bill, long overdue,
for attending the wife Of the latter
Alex. II. Stevens was on the Bennett
side, and Robert Toombs. then Senator
of the United States, was for DR.. Roys-
ton. The doctor proved his number OF
visits, their value according to custom
and his own authority to do medical
practice. Mr.. Stevens told his client
that the physician had made out his case
and as there was nothing wherewith to
rebut0 Offset the claim. the only thing
left % do was to pay it. No said
Peter, 4 hired you to speak in my case.
and now speak
Mr.. Stevens told him there was moth
ing to say; he had looked on to see that
it was out, and it was.
Peter was obstinate, and at last Mr..
Stevens told him to make speech him.
self, ifhe thought one could be made.
Twill said Peter Bennett, If Bobby
Toombs won't be too hard on me''
Senator Toombs promised, and Peter
began:
Gentlemen of the Jury: You and l is
plain farmers, and five don't stick to-
gether these 'ere lawyers and doctors
will get the advantage Of US. | amt no
lawyer or doctor, and / amt no objec-
tious to them in their proper place; but
they amt farmers, gentlemen Of the
jury.
Now the man Royston was a new
doctor, and went for him to come an
to doctor wife's sore leg. And. he come
and put some salve truck onto it aud
some rags, but never done it to one bit
of good, gentlemen of the jury. don't
believe he is no doctor, no way. Thare
is doctors as is doctors, sure enough,
but this man don't earn his money, and
if YOU send for him, as Mrs. Sarah
Smith did, for negro boy as was worth
a 81. 900. he Just kills him and wants
pay for it,
i don't thundercd the doctor.
Did you cure hIm:' asked Peter with
the slow accents Of Judge with the
black cap on.
The doctor was silent and Peter pro
ceeded.
AS was a sayen'. gentlemen of the
iurv. we farmers. when we sell our
cotton. has got to give valley Tor the
money we ask, and doctors amt none
too good to he put on the same rule
And don't believe this Sam ROyston is
no doctor. nohow.'
The physician again put in his oar
with, LOOK at my diploma, ifyou think
am no doctor
His diplomat exclaimed the new
hedged orator, with great contempt.
His diploma ! Gentlemen, that IS a BIZ
word for printed oho"rstin and it
don't make no doctor of the sheep as
first wore it, nor does it Of the man as
now carries it. 4 good newspaper has
more IN it, and pint out to you that he
amt no doctor at all.
The man of medicine vas now IN
fury. and screamed out: Ask my patients
i'll am not a doctoro
4 asked my wife, retorted Peter
AN she says as how she thou ut yo'
wasn't
Ask my other patients SAID DR.
Royston.
This seemed to be the straw tha
broke the camel's back, for Peter re
pled with a look and tone ofuhutterabl
sadness: That is a hard sayin,' gentle
, men of the jury, and one as require
me to die or have power as | have hear
tell ceased to exist since the Apostles
Does ne expect me to bring the Ange
Gabriel down to tOOt his horn before hl
time and cry aloud : Awake, ye deat
and tell this court and jury your opinlo
of Royston's practice = Am l to go
the lonely churchyard and rap Oh tn
silent tomb. and say to um as is at la'
at rest from physic and doctors bills
Git up here, and state ii you died
natural death, or was hurried up b
some doctors?' He says ask bis patient
and gentlemen of the jury, they are a
d dead! Wsere Is Mrs. Beazlee's ma
II Sam? Go ask the worms in the grave
) ward where he lies. Mr.. Peake'
It woman Sarah, was attended By hin
Z and her funeral was appointed ard /
= had the corpse ready. Where is th'
g likely Bill as belonged to Mr.. Mitchell
d Now in glory a. expression his opinlo
ofRoyston's docteron. Where is tn
8 baby gal of Harry Stephens? She Al
II where doctors cease frcm troubln' ar
IL infants are at rest.
= GeAtlemen of the jury. he has G.
'r enough chicken at my house to pay I
d his salve, and | furnished the rags, al
le and don't suppose he charges +
'l maxim of her worse, and he don't pr
s. tend to charge for curin' OF her, and
% am humbly thankful that he never sl'
II her nothin' for her inward, as he did b
ID other patients for somethin' made II
5. all die mighty sudden -
l. Here the applause made the speak
a sit down in great confusion, and in spi
e of logical restatc"ent OF the case
ID Senator Tombs the doctor lost nj
10 Peter won.
x - -"
Jeremy Taylor says Of marriage :;
of Ii you are for pleasure, marry; Il V