Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1878-11-16
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BREAKFAsT TABLE.

sGoysayos HAMPTON has thrown ed
iii disguise. - FL, Later reports nay he
was thrown otfof d mule.
,'py,Na in poverty" says a modern
moralist, "isnothingi II ID living In pow
rr,y tina, comes hard on q fellow"
Tx best thing to ~ hunting with Is
club. 1t doesn't I'LL your legs iull oil
sho, or kill any cows grazing Il the next
field sFf
A SOUTHERN negro, arrested with
chickens In his sack, declared; "De
man who pul'em dar was no frien' oh
Inine."
A ClvclNNAri gambler accidentally
swallowed a diamond which he was wet
ting with his lips, His is only another
case of diamond in the rough.
Sour wretch has the audacity to re-
mark that the ladies deck their hats with
flowers in memory oi the men WI" nave
been killed by millinors' bills.
"Wu,r's the difference" asked the
teacher in arithmetic, between one
ward and two Yards" "a fence, MAS
the reply Of member OF the class The
teacher was silent.
GLOW shall earn living" IL tho
titl, Of nm article in contemporary
p,rhaps il never occurred to the writer
To go to work. That il the bcs, way We
know to uurn u living.
A LADY had invited gentleman I"
dinner on a particular day, aud and had
accepted with tho reservation, III Im
shared" "Wccl, wcel, said the lady,
iii yc'ro dead III not expect ye.
Pans. according to Fun, has scnsi-
hlc method Of dealing with the dog
question. lia dog il seen in the streets
without collar the police instantly col
lar him, il without II muaIlc, they pro-
vide him with one, with gun ut the
end ol II,
No u<r can fancy the feelings OF
newspaper man when he hears " d'l'n-
uurut subscriber whom he has hut
twenty four hours before vainly implor-
,L ia settle that little hill, yell out on
SUNDAY: "l'ut me down fifty dollars
lor the good oi the cause, when they
are raising the church debt.
4 NEWLY engaged cook comes I" her
mistress tn ask how to cook each dish
ordered for break fast The same game
nj dinner time. GLOW do you make
this How long ought you to cook
that" etc. Naturally they sent her OF
uu the morrow. Then the cdrddh bicu,
IN n surcu,iiiuus tone: III Id known
that Madame didn't know how I" cook
Id never have accepted an engagement
with her.
NuvND man at II. Paul, Mimi,
found. IN going H. undertaking enter
tninmrnt. that his two rivals had taken
seats ON either side ol his sweetheart.
Rciug a sensible young man, he sent
M both al their names To- the mlnd
reader us eligible subjects whrrcon I"
test his art, and when, amid the accia-
nations ui the audience, his rivals
mounted the pcnitrntial platform and
uroccclrd Ia make themselves rldicu-
lous, lac ,riumphantly took his scat hos
side the lady.
SrE<p \ frcurh Restaurant Tar
con, Monsieur This turhnt ~ III
lriyh,luI state, II IL literally falling I"
pieces Pardon! hut Monsieur does
not know its agr, OF he would rWnpl'-
mrut il on its wonderful state at rrcscr-
>atinu. - Funny Folks
\ p\<nlny hoy asked his father the
other dav what was II philosopher, ~
philosopher, my son" Why, aphllus"'
phrr IL "A man Who reasons. 'ls that
So" said thchny, dcjcc,cdly. II thought
/, WAS a man who didn't let things both
or him." The father silently pattcd his
son : head. hamburg NcrS
GrS. GvrlrR declares that the recent
victories ui the Republican party will
hc lo that organization what the first
Hull Kun victory VAS To the Southern
Cuuirdvracy: the prelude tn the utter