Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1878-11-29

But labor is pronounced a curse. Then
what happened? Under the admins
tration of God himself men grew worse
and worse.
He didn't do anyth ing to make them
better, he didn't start any public schools,
or take them in hand in any way. We
are told that the sonsof God came down
from heaven and mirgled with the sons
OF men, and made them worse. lie
didn't even keep His own sons at nome.
Laughter. He drove Adam and Eve
out of the Garden of Eden; and when
He drove them out lie made them
clothes OF skins. Where did He get
those skins? He must have killed ami
mails and then skinned them and then
tanned them and then made them up
into clothes. Laughter. Is it possible
that record is true which describes
God as butcher, a tanner and tailor ?
Can you imagine God making clothes
Can you think OF supreme being trying
to thread a needle? Laughter.
Bah! Throw away such trash; it
warps our minds, and gives us miser-
able puny ideas OF what this glorious
universe really is.
Finally men got so bad that God
really couldn't stand it any longer, SO
He determined to drown them.
Now think of God having to drown
his children, and having the impudence
to tell me how to raise mine. Can You
worship God like that? | can't, and
] won't. Applause But He made
up His mind to save few. So He got
a man by the name Of Noah and three
or four sons. Noah had been bache-
lor until he was five hundred years old.
Just think of that fellow. Laughter.
If had had the job on my hands |
would have drowned him, sure. Laugh
ter.
Well, Noah built All ark three stories
high, with one door and one window,
twenty-five inches square. II there
was anything Noah was fond of it was
plenty OF light and air. Laughter.
What did they have to put in that ark =?
Four thousand mammals, one hundred
birds, eleven hundred thOus-
and insects, all the animalcules, all the
animals, the animals that live
upon trees, fifteen thousand snakes,
and every thing that crawls or jumps or
bites or scratches or flies. Laughter. J
And when he got them i'll he put down
the window.
1t must have been a menagerie OF the
first quality. After Noah closed
up it rained forty days, and the
ark went above the highest mountains
feet. Consequently the
water had to be five miles deep, and it
would have to faIl at the rate OF 800
feet day or thirty feet an hour. How
mu:h water would it take? Eight times
as much as there is in the world. And
SO thev whacked around in the ark,
with no rudder, sail or compass. Moth
ing except Captain Noah and his three
or four bows. Nobody To tend these an
imals, no system Of ventilation, nothing
plenty except water. How long were
they at it? One year and ten days.
They settled down and down until they
got to the top OF Mount Ararat, and that
is only 1900 feet high-4,00O feet above
the line oi perpetual and everlasting
snow, and 1000 feet Of the peak OF Ara
rat is covered with solid ice. But there
is where he landed, and he stayed there
seven months with all the animals of
the tropics. Now can We believe that?
never thought the ark was quite big
enough.
Passing over the story of the Tower
of Babel, Colonel lngersoll came to the
narrative which states that seventy OF
the Israelitcs went down into Egypt,
and in 215 years they had 6O0,OW men
Of war. They must have had at least
3, ,OOO, 900 people. They found out that
thew had 81, 2,273 tirst-born males. Now
there could not have been many more
iirst-born than there were mothers, and
there were about as many mothers rs
there were iirst-born. Then these D.
273 must have had ,500,0OO male chill
dren. and that would make sixty-eight
male children To every mother. Laugh
ter.
Soma people say that's pretty thin, but
] tell YOU it's pretty thick. Laughter
The lecturer continued in the same
strain in speaking OF the wandering OF
the Israelites through the desert Of
Sinai, and their delivery from Pharaoh
and the entry into Canaan, and, in
up, said: The Old Testament
upholds murder, polygamy, assassina-
ton, and there is no crime that 1t does
not uphold.
This Bible has built every inquisitiOn,
made every religious martyr, driven ev-
ery stake, set every faggot, lighted every
torch il has made every thumbscrew,
every rack, dislocated every joint; it has
produced every religious war, divided
us up into sects and classes, has set IA
ther against mother and child against
parents: this Bible has covered the
world with blood; has covered the hu-
man face with tears: has crushed hon
estv; has offered Il premium for rascall-
ty. stupidity and hypocrisy; has opposed
every invention oil man; has said Ia the
YOU must not tell the secrets
of the universe; this Bible has opposed
every man oi science; put Galileo IN
prison; made Copcrnicus afraid Ia pub
iish his immortal work; made kepler
keep his three laws secret: pointed the
finger of scorn Mt DcscarteS. hooted er-
ery man that was investigating for him
self and endeavoring 10 make this world
suhlimer and better. 1t has been 4 per
petual obstruction upon the highway oi
progress. and | am opposed Ia II and
am going IL 10 what little can agains
it. lApplause.l
In conclusion. Colonel lngersoll re-
peated that what he and what the peo-
pie wanted in this enlightened age was
facts and investigation, not miracles and
jugylcry. He could not say what was
our origin or what our destiny, but he
was constantly trying To find out. He
was on ship sailing from whence he
could not tell, whittier he didnot know:
He did not know the captain, and had
no acquaintance with the officers. The
ship might "a down, and ii il did he
wanted TO 90 down with those he loved.
But II il driitcd into u pleasant haven,
with the greenswari spangled with 'iow,
ers, and hathed in sunshine, he would
he on hand. ready 10 step of, just n
happy an angel as the next man. Ap'
plause.l
PARkERSBURG.
IN~,sl.Af