River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1878-10-10
A Distinguished Visitor.

Peck's SUM-
The Sun office is in receipt of many
calls, but no more distinguished looking
man has been in than the one who came
| in on Monday. 1t is settled habit with
us to treat every persen cordially, and
not to be outdone in anything socially
| IF man were to come in with a griev-
ance or a club, ana desired, above all
things, to erect head upon the editor,
we should rec. i've him with cordiality,
give him a check for his club for the
| time being, set out bottle of wine, and
gradually draw him out on the subject OF
finance and other great questions, pre-
! vious to throwing him down stairs. Pc
| likeness is never thrown away, AMI there
is no person so humble but that he APP
preciates pleasant word, or cordial
| shake of the hand. And in these days
you can't tell by a mans appearance,
what is in him. A tramp may be cloth
ed in purple ink on Is fine linen ulster,
| or the millionaire may be dressed as a
tramp. So it is safest 10 receive warm
| ly, any person who calls. On Monday
the door opened and a smiling face peer
ed in. us George in?a asked the visitor,
and his whole countenance from his chin
to his hair, was one good natured laugh
of welcome.
As the good natured sexton of the o.
fee directed the visitor to our room, we
instinctively dropped our writing, stop
ping in the midstot an editorial, and bot
tied up ideas that were floating from the
spigot at a great rate. The man walked
in and sat his box down on our mahog
ony desk, the brass nails grating the var
nish off, and the visitor took our hand in
both OF his, gazed into our soft brindle
eve with look of mingled love, admir-
alton aud devotion. He was a thickset
dark complicated man, attired in linen
buster, which covers multitude of sins
at times. We could not place him, ex-
actly, though he seemed to know us like
book. Squeezing our hand like WON
an he said he had long looked forward to
this day. He said he expected to see a
large fat man, and we must excuse MIN
for being surprised at finding a thin,
emaciated, homely man in the editorial
chair. He seemed familiar with US, but
we couldn't tell where we had met him
before. In some respects he resembled
d member of the Legislature, and then he
had the air of a circus agent. He might
be railroad superintendent, or high
officer of the government. Any way, he
was distinguished guest and we babe
him be seated. He said he WAS in bur-
ry, and he began to open his box, saying
that ne was introducing an article.
AS he fumbled at the lock OF the case
we wondered what was in it. 1t might be
a case of dueling pistols, it might be a
lot OF government bonds, or he might be
the agent of some millionaire that had
died, and left us much money, and it was
with anxiety that we awaited the opening
of the box.
Finally the top of the burial case be-
came loosened, and the nd flew up, and |
he said there was few hundred corns and |
bunions that he had removed from peO-
pies feet, and he wanted to know if we |
had any to remove. Heavens, what fall !
was there, me countrymeni Of all the |
disgusting sights in the world, collec- |
ton OF corns and buni0ns is the worst, |
and as we reached around for lemon to /
ward off sea-sickness, he began TO tell |
about them. He picked up a bunion
about the size of peach basket, and said |
he removed that from the foot of a young |
lady living on Van Buren, street. Itthere |
man SANDER girl, and knowing that the
girl mentioned wore a number I
one shoe, and that she couldn't |
have raised that bunion nnIess |
she raised it in a hot house, we decided I
to kill him at once, so we touched wire I
connected with a can of nitro-glycerine /
under the chair IN which the bunion man |
was seated, and there was an explosion. |
Pieces of linen dustsr were found up by /
the water works, and parties who came /
across the lake on the Amazon said they |
noticed peculiar looking scales raining
down, ABOUT half way across the lake, |
though there was not a cloud to be seen.
1t was corns and bunions. No one regrets
more than we do the necessity of resort /
ing to harsh measures to break up this +
hab of speaking i'll of respectable girls,
and when we think how pleasantly he
spoke to us, aa how glad he was, it |
causes momentary sadness, but some |
one must do these disagreeable things. |
Peace to his fragments. If the coroner
holds an inquest on every banion and
corn that is found, that will be the best |
paving office in the city.