Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1878-07-05

old doctor to a graduating class Of stu-
dents. Dead men pay no bills
Two million persons in the United
States answer to the name Of William
when asked TO step up and take some
thing.
The latest style OF kids is the twenty
seven button gloves, which are joined
back of the ears, and serve to keep the
hair from tickling the neck.
Mathematics. Freshman at board.
Professor" Mr.. i. what have you got?'
+. (innocently)-"Pv got stuckm-
Ydle Record.
From German paper" Take this
dime Hans, for your trouble" Yah,
now ! know vot it means ven you say
dot dime is money"
The use Of the editorial we" pre-
walls III the south. An exchange says:
"lf we escape the hog cholera there
will be Il large surplus of pork next
winter.
When each and every person in our
land owns q bank, a railroad, four stores
and span Of Congressman, times Will
| DCSlil w lOOh u p 4'eW Uh oIttWttC.
"Ah," sighed hungry tramp, 81
wish was boss; blame if don't. He's
nearly always got bit in his mouth
while | haven't had bit in mine for
two days. "-Norritoun Herald.
Speaking Of the different kinds Of
taxes queried the teacher, what kind
is it where whisky is taxed?" 81 know"
said one boy, holding up his hand.
"Well. what is it," "Sin tax" shouted
the young grammarian.
Professor" Can you multiply to-
gcther concrete numbers? The class
are uncertain. Professor" What will
be the product of five apples multiplied
by six potatoes?" Freshman Triumph
antly)-" Hash"
Acting up to his principles. Gentle
man: "Why, man, you've swallowed
half cork in that whisky Extra
hand: All right, sor; Pm contint.
Pye larned to take Everything i'll the
spirit in which it is offered. "-Flumny
FoMs
Professor" What is II monarchy"
Freshman people governed by a
King" Professor-Who would reign if
the King should die?' Freshman" The
Queen" And if the Queen should die?"
Freshman-"T Jack" Correct.
College professor Ito junior, who has
been taking advantage of his absent
mindedness) Young man, find on
looking over the records that this makes
the fifth time in two years that you
have been granted lea7e Of absence to
attend your grandmother's funeral. -
Jumpers Bdaay.
A country editor III Michigan thus
bids farewell to his readers, his paper
being prepared to Suspend Goodbye!
Ton the bell gently. This is our last
kick. Handle us with care! Lower us
gently to rest! We die natural death.
The wolf is ut our door! Bury us under
a rosc-bnsh, Listen to the mocking-
bird.
a man i'll church fair who had Il
fifty cent bowl of oyster stew, suddenly
rose in excitement and began to pull
OIL his coat and vest. "Why dc you do
that" asked the pious frau-lady who
took the fifty cents. why, great
heavens he cried, there is u little
oyster away down in there, and I'm GO
ing to dive for it.
They have some queer girls in Colo
RADIO. One of them who resided III the
Cache In Proude Valley had been re-
ceiving the attentions of young man
for about year, but becoming impa
tent of his failure to bring matters to-
IL crisis She resolved to ascertain his
intentions. When he next called She
took him gently by the ear and led him
to n seat and said: "Nobby, you've been
II foolin' around this claim for mighty
near year, an hey never yit shot Oft
Yer mouth on the marryin' biz. I've
cottoned to Yer on the square clean
through an have stove otf every other
galoot that has tried to chin in, an now
want yer to come down to business or
leave the ranch. Ef yer on the marry
an Want II pard tha'll stick rite to yc
till We pass in yer checks, jest say the
word: but ef that amt yer game, draw
out and give some other Teller II show
for his pile. Now sing yer song or skip
out.
BALTIMORE, II city Of 100000 people,
is taxed 10000 4 year, but she owns
Il railroad and stocks and other prop
erty that will yield her over S2,oOO00O,
which pays the interest on her debt.
Her rate of taxation this year is S2.0Si
ON 800.
An Important Function Stimulated.
The kidneys exercise most important functions,
which afe 80 wearisOme that they tax To the NC
most the strength and endurance OF these busy
little organs. Every breath, every pulSation OF
the heart every movement of Il Limb every
Thought, makes waste and neceSSitateS the deNel
nnment OF new atoms. lhe used np narllcIes IN