Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1878-03-22
f U ~ !!

Il IL ~
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES -7-~~~~~~~~|~--~~>-~--~
SMALL Boy ON THE EAGLE.-The
American eagle is the largest and power
fullest bird in the world, but he is smaller
than an ostrich, which is more of horse
than a bird. The eagle is very proud
bird, and don't go round eatin' worms and
ca.erplllars, and diggin' up tomato plants
like a hen does; but he flies through the
air with its wings and sometimes swallers
little children, which is very sad. The
eagle lives sometimes to be several hun
dred years cid, which is long time to
live. Hickey Barlett's sister is an old
maid, and she is as old as an eagle, and
she gets awful mad when the fellers CAL
her an old steak broiler. There is several
kinds OF eagles, but the United Stat,
eagle is the boss bird, and can haste blazes
out Of any bird tina ever growed in Europe
OF Asia or Africy. An eagle can fly about
thousand miles in a very short time.
should like to see two eagles fight; should
like to own an eagle.
Old Mr.. Meriden had been married forty
three years, when his wife died last week.
He didn't appear to miss her very much
until bedtime, when he sat down and
stuck out his foot for somebody 10 come
and pull off his boot.-And then when his
sOn-in-laW colby handed him the boot
jack the weight of the irreparable loss he
had sustained broke upon the old man,
and he gave way to flood tears. As
for tile bootiack, il had been so long since
he had seen one, LIE didn't know how to
use it.
Says an editor, out III the mining reg on;
'Whena man gets both his legs mashed,
rendering him unable TO work for three
months, there's nothing that cheers him
up so much, and so eifectually keeps the
wolf from the door, as for his fellow work
men to pass series of resolutions praying
for his speedy recovery, aud ordering al
engrossed copy of the same to be presen
to his family
An Old-fashioned minister was preach
ing in tight, unventflated church, in
which by some means window was lett
partly open. A good deacon during the
sermon closed it. The minister stol ped
ami, turning to the deacon, Said in solemn
tones, ''If were preaching ill a Jug, l be-
lieve you would put the cork i'm
A Detroit boy stood an umbrella with a
ind fn q p11Il in ~
Eleven persons thought that umbrell.
was theirs, and carried it with them the
length of the string. They then suddenl.
dropped 1t and went off without stopping
to pick it up again.
A dentist tried his first operation with
gas upon robust colored woman. After
she had used up all the gas in the Office she
wheeled in the chair and shouted: "Hurry
up, boss, and bring on another bag of that
sWeetened wind
Forty centuries may look down upon us
from the pinnacle of civilization without
discovering man bold enough to hit a
woman on the Toe with tack hammer
while she is directing him how to put down
a carpet.
An Irish servant girl recently boasted
to lady that at her place she always rose
at four, made the fire, put on the kettle,
prepared breakfast and made all the beds
before any one was up in the house.
She said: "Oh. yes; am very fond Of
little boys,'' and as snow ball struck her III
the back of her neck she added, II feel as
though [ could eat a couple this minute,
boiled. Rome Sentinel.
ga returned missionary was recently
invited to party, were all the ladies' ap-
peared in low cut dresses. Said he to host
81 don't mind it at all; I've spent ten years
among the savages.'si
.'Does your wife play euchre ?'' asked
one. No" replied the other, rubbing his
head. ssbut she's death on pOkerr' and
smiled CHASTITY.
tsThe best way to cure crying child,' -
says an advertisement, lis to buy baby
car iage.'' That's right, keep the bawl
rolling.
Some people complain because they
can't find bread for their families; others
have given up trying to find it and go to
work for it.
During the first year Of married life the
wife fills her husbands heart; after that
she mus Gil his stomach or there will be
trouble.
An experienced boy says he regards hun
ger and the Sch0Olmaster's rattan as about
the same thing, as both make him boiler.
Why is the money you're in the habit of
giving to the poor like newly born babe?
Because it is precious little.
A dealer advertises Novelties In pocK.
ct books" Well, we should Like to have
a little change in ours.
They say Alfonso's moustaehe woNadp't
make toothbrush for canary bird