The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-06-21
VARIETIES.

old woman "What q lot o. ewes these
taters have got" Old man 81 specs they
is extra, so as to look AFTER the Colorado
beetle"
Boston has dog hospital and bird
infirmary. There ought to be cat retreat,
for tabbies shamefully deserted by their
owners during the summer months.
Before man deliberately makes up
his mind to be raskal, he should examine
hisself clusly tew ascertane efhe ant better
CONSTRUCTED for phool.-Josh Billings.
Fond father--"Well, my son. how do
you like college, Alma Mater has turn
cd out some great men," Young hopeful
| Gust expelleD Dyes, sir; she has turned
me out"
AN old lady from the South said she
never could imagine where all the Smiths
came from until she saw in New Enlgand
town large sign-"smith Manufacturing
Company" =.
"A chronic growler, who lived in q
boarding house, kept the landlady in a
state OF torment all through the HOLIDAYS
10y always remarking, at meal time, "Things
are getting tough, tell you"
-Mistress-"Yo needn't be so fright
ened, Maria. It's only the phonograph.n
Maria-"Lor', mum I thought it was a
sewing machine. And l only lust touched
the handle, and it said, What the devil are
you aboutT just like the very moral of
master"
An Indian, on being asked what he
did fora living, replied: ooh, me preach"
"Preach !" said bystander; what do YOU
get paid for it ~. "Sometimes me get
shillin, sometimes two shillin." "And
isn't that mighty poor pay 2" "Oh, yes,
but it's mighty poor preachin."
Mark Twain told a newspaper report
er that he was going abroad in order to
find quiet place to write, where he would
not be disturbed once day. 1t is singu
lar that it never occurred to him to remain
at home and secure desk in store that
doesn't advertise.
"A newly imported Hungarian, employ
ed on farm, tilted up bee hive the other
day to see what the bees were doing under
there. He knows now. He says they were
making chain lightning and had 1000 tons
of it on hand, which exploded before he
had time to let the box down.
Young Housekeeper "I'm afraid
those fish l bought CT you yesterday were
not fresh My husband said they were not
nice, at ALL" Fisherman: "Well, marin.
that be your fault; it bean't mine. I've
offered 'em yer every day this week, and
you might a 'ad 'em o. Monday il you'd
loikedi 7"
"A Lowell man. who lost his good
character some time ago, was severely haul
ed over by some of his former friends. 81
know it, boys. know my characters gone;
lost entirely. And" lie added rather
pointedly, "its too COMPOUNDED bad, for it
was the only one in the place worth saw
ing"
Anything new or fresh this mnrn i.ys2,n
replied the lone occupant of the apartment |
"What is it 2" queried the reporter, whip
ping out his note book. Said the railroad |
man, edging toward the door: "That |
paint you are leaning against. "-Reokuk |
Constitution.
"A couple of young men were out fish
ing the other day, and on returning were
going past farm house, and felt hungry. |
They yelled to the farmers daughters,
"Girls, have you any buttermilk 2" The
reply was gently waited back to their ears,
eyes, but we keep it for our own calves"
The boys calculated that they had business
away-and they went.
When Mr.. Billony went home yester-
day and saw handsome bouquet reposing
on one OF the parlor chairs, be mentally
observed that it was shame to let such
beautiful flowers lie there to wither; so
he took them up tenderly, procured ba-
sin Of water, and placed them carefully
within-and the same instant his wife gave
a piercing shrek and tainted dead away.
But it was too late!. Mrs. Billoay's new
spring flower bonnet was utterly ruined.