Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-07-31

Say, MIR. johnson, what ails yer bed %
Attractive-The following notice ap-
peared IN shop window of tailor at
Cork" Wanted, two APPRENTICES
who will be treated as one of the
family"
! Little bits of lemon,
Little chunks of ice
Little alter and sugar,
! Make a man feel nice.
Boston Post
The 1000 young women of Cleveland
who are pledged not to associate with
yong men of cOnvivial habits are getting
terribly lonesome.
Edlson's very, very, very latest inven-
ton IS the teslmeter-to measure pres
sure. Every young lady should wear
one about her waist, as evidence in a
suit for breach Of promise
II live in Julia's eyes," said an af-
fected dandy in Colman's hearing. 81
don't wonder at it," replied George,
since observed she had a sly in them
when [ saw her last"
When a boy does something funny,
and you laugh at 1t, he will invariably
keep dong 1t twenty Or thirty times
more, till you have to knock him down
with something.
Doesn't Boston Harbor remind you
of the Bay of Naples?' asked an en-
thuslastic yachtsman. EYES," was the
answer, at least in one respect. They
are both full of water."- Boston Trans
cript.
Sam Page, of Boston. is a one-horse
phllanthrOpist. One of his hobbies is
that all binders should be removed.
He wants the horse to have chance to
see fellow kiss his girl.
Little Johnny ran into the house the
other day while the mercury was hug
ging ninetyfve degrees, with the pers-
piratlon streaming from every pore and
shouted " Mamma mamma fix me:
I'm leaking all over ."-CSacin,aot Break
fast Table.
A beautiful widow Of Newport, R. l.,
having left the chalet for the season,
was asked what induced her to desert
such a charming retreat. ''Too much
balcony and too little Romeo" was the
reply.
Edison is accused Of being the father
OF Invention. We have no desire to
open up fresh scandal, but if Edison is
the father of invention it is the duty of
necessity to show her marriage certifi-
| cate-if she has one.
A man in a rural settlement, who has
been an inveterate smoker for the last
20 years, has suddenly and permanent
y given up the practice He knocked
the ashes of his pipe into keg of blast
ing powder.
The argumentum ad-" Sam, you are
not honest. Why do you put all the
good peaches on the top of the measure
and the little ones below" "Same rea-
son, sab, dat makes de front of your
house all marble and de back gate chief
ly slop bar'l, sah."
Boswell dining one day with DR..
Johnson, asked him if he did not think
that good cook was more essential to
the community than good poet. II
don't suppose" said the doctor, that
there's dog in the town but what thinks
So"
A man who, having lost heavily in
business, had become morose and lima
tured, one day said to h wife: 1--WE
must sell off some of our carriages.
Which shall it be-" "My DEAR" re-
sponded the wife, "you may do as you
please SO long as you get rid of the sui
KY and retain the sociable"
A st. Louis doctor SAYS: "Imagina-
ton and great mental fear cuts as i'm
pOrtant figure during a sunstroke as it
is conceded 1t does during the preva-
lence Of an epidemic. Hundreds of au-
thentic cases are on record of persons
who have died during cholera seasons,
examination of whom, after death,
showed that cholera did not exist in any
degree with them. A slight pain in the
head, or dizziness, is felt by some per-
son who has allowed bis mind to be
filled with his fears that he would fall
before the heat. He immediately cries
out, Great God, [ am sunstruck,' and
falls to the earth unconscious, and to all
intents and purposes subject for cold
water and ice"
The Sdratoglan says that our Bubbles
are pretty, but have nothing in 'em.
Yes, we modelled them after your head,
my son. P. S.-What strange crea-
lures mortals are Now if the Saratoqi-
ON had said "those Bubbles blown in
the Albany Journal have all the alluring
brightness of the northern lights" or
words to that effect, we should have re-
piled by remarking that there is no pa
per IN our exchange list whose arrival
was hailed with such ravishing delight
as the Sdrotoglan, and that it's editors in
tellect, at once massive and brilliant.
lowered above its fellow as Chimborazo
towers above the humblest weed in the
lowest valley, or words to that effect.
But it's too late now.-Albany Evening
Journal
Cheap Lands.