Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1878-06-10

What Miss would ruin any man /?
Miss management
How to keep menagerie: In winter,
stable 'em. In summer, Barnum.
Waiting to be whipped is the most
uninteresting period in boyhood.
1t is bad religion that makes us
hate the religion of other people
Young women are advised to set good
examples-because young men are al
ways following them.
When married men complain of being
in hot water at home. it turns out half
the time that it's scold.
There are only three hundred shades
of blue. We sometimes feel as though
there were twice as many.
1t is predicted that silver will be
higher for the remainder of 1878. 1t is
so high already that we can't reach it.
The Haaokeye notes the fact that the
boy who does not know that the gun is
loaded is nevertheless always found at
the safe end of the gun.
Why is paper money more valuable
than gold e? When you put 1t in your
pocket you double it, and when you take
it out you find it still in creases.
GO out, young man she's not here,
said Pennsylvania preacher last Sum-
day,in the midst of his sermon, to youth
whom he saw standing hesitatingly in
the doorway.
There is family in New Hampshire
so lazy that it takes two of them to chop
off stick of wood. Siah chops while
Jim grunts, and then, for change, Jim
chops while Siah grunts.
"Ah," said conceited young parson,
al have this afternoon been preaching
to congregation of asses" "Then thai
was the reason you always called them
beloved BRETHREN" replied strong
minded lady.
A little miss, who was spending few
days with farmer uncle, visited the
barnyard, and while looking at the we'll
fed cows, remarked, "Why, uncle, JUS
see /! all the cows are chewing gum
arn't they ?"
Muggins says he never tried bark bu
once, and then it was so mixed will
bite, it was questionable whether it die
him much good. 1t was recommomendec
by gardner as cure for an appetit,
for other peoples fruit.
She asked the clerk if he was positiv,
thoroughly convinced the eggs wer
fresh. "Oh, yes" said the young phil
osopher. Il know they are; why, tn
farmer said none of his hens were NOR
than year DID," She bought basket
full on the spot.
"You never saw such happy lot o
people as we had here yesterday" sal,
a landlord in Indiana, to newly ar
rived guest; "there were thirteen cou
pies of EN-" "What thirteen couple
just married? 2" "Oh, no, sir; thlrteel
couples just divorced !"
The name of the phonograph in Ger
man is OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
phfteichtaunsgespreecher. When 20
wind that up on the cylinder. and leav
it till it gets cold, and then grind it out
it usually tears the machine to piece
and strikes the house with lightning.
An English lawyer would go on speak
ing after the learned Judge had cautione
him to desist, till at last his irritate
lordship cried: "Sir, It's no use speak
ing; what you say to me goes in OF
ear and out of the other" The advocat
would not be silenced, "My lord"
said, "it's no wonder, when there's notl
ing betweed them to stop it."
A Kentuckian wrote the followir
note to his local paper: "Sir-I mott,
a few errors in the obituary of myse
which appeared in your paper of We
nesday last. l was born in GreenI
county, not in Caldwell. and my retir
J. ment from business in 1860 was q
Z owing to iIl-health, but to little troub
l had in connection with horse. II
cause of my death was not smallpox y