South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1878-06-28
WIT AND HUMOR.
kEThe little bit of girl wanted mo,

~The little bit Of girl wanted more
and more buttered toast, till she was
told that too much would make her
sick. Looking wistfully at the dish
for moment, she tho ught she saw out
OF her difficulty, and exclaimed: well,
give me annuzer piece, and send for the
doctorr'
U'A handsome lady entered a dry
goods house and inquired for bow"
The polite clerk threw himself back.
and remarked that he was at her service.
Yes, hut l want buff, not green
one,' was the reply. The young man
went on measuring goods Immediately.
IVA little miss, who was spend;ny n
few days with q farmer uncle, visited
the barnyard, and while looking at the
well.fed cows, remarked. "Why, Uncle.
just see all the cows arc chewing gum
arn't they?'
IVA little boy hearing some one re
mark that nothing was quicker than
thought, said 81 know something that
is quicker than thought" What is it.
johnny" asked his pa. 'Whistling,"
said JOHNNY, ''when 1 was in school YES.
terday, l whistled before / thought, and
got licked for it too.''
W'A pretty school mistress in Maiden.
Mass, kept n boy fifteen minutes after
school as punishment, and when the
time was up lie asked her if she couldn't
make it half an hour.
l0'A couple Of young men were out
fishing the other day, and on returning
were going past a farm house, and felt
hungry. They yelled to the farmers
daughters: Girls, have you any butt err
milk" The reply was gently waited
back to their ears: Eyes: but we keen
1T Tor our own calves" The bows calcu.
lated that they had business away-and
they went.
William, observed a Milwaukee
woman to her husband, "Mrs. Holcomb
feels pretty badly now, since the loss of
her child, and L wish you would drop
over there TO see her. You might saw
that all flesh is grass; that we've all
got TO go the same way and see if she
IS going to use her drippino-pan this
afternoon"
sVLast Sunday Sunday school
teacher told her class Of little boys the
story of Nebuchadnezzar's disease,
mentioning the fact that Ibis BARS were
grown like an eagles feathers and his
nails like birds claws" upon which one
OF the boys asked the natural question.
did he lay eggs, too?"
WANTED MAN TO SIT WITu SAL
Yesterday afternoon. says the Virginia
City Chronicle, green looking couple,
evidently newly married, called at the
photograph gallery Of Beals & Water
house, and wanted their pictures taken.
just as Mr.. Beals had got his plate
ready, the man called him aside and
said he wanted to ask favor. 81 was
told in Carson you took the best pict-
ures in the State. Now, you see Sal
and got pitched down there last Mon
day now, her folks do good deal on
style, aud they live in the States. They
never saw me, and if / send nv mug
back East they'll be dead agin me sure.
I'm darned sight better than look.
and when people come to know me they
vote me brick. Now, what want is
to get some good lookin' man to sit
with Sal for n picture. Will You stand
IN? She's willin.' Them big whiskers
OF yours II catch 'em sure. and create
harmony. You look like a solid capt.
talist, and they'd take me for a petit
larceny thief" Mr.. Bcals cnjoved the
idea immensely, and sat with SAL" for
the picture, which will doubtless carry
JOY into the household Of the Eastern
relatives in a week or So
"a Bishop Ames tells story of slave
master in Missouri. in the olden time Of
negro vassalage, who said to his chattlc ::
'Pompey, | hear you arc great preach
err" Yes, massa. de Lord Go help me
powerful sometimes" well Pompey.
don't you think the negroes steal little
things on the plantation?" Use mighty
fraid they does, massa." Then. Pom.
nov | mnni rnu 70 rrnnnh a n........ Il.