The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-10-26
NUMBER 2.
PASSING SMILES.

PASSING OMfLES.
IT is above all in love that feast is
not as good as enough. A wit insists on
revealing himself where he is only asked
to show himself.
A WITTY man finds it difficult upon
occasion to be dull like everybody else,
and SO usually contrives to be stupider
than anybody else.
THtRE are people with whom PEN
itence stands for epentance-people
with whom wearing mourning dispenses
with feeling sorrow.
ONE should meet death as resolutely
as a general would meet an inevitable
conqueror. This is the best way to OBJ
tain easy conditions.
| In church women think that they re-
ceive because they observe, and that
they are meditating when they are only
holding their tongues.
The highest mark of esteem woman
can give to man is to ask his friend
ship, and the most signal proof Of her in
difference is to Lfler him hers.
ASS rule women care little for comedy
because it makes them enter into them
draws them out of themselves.
"TnIs world is all feeting show"
and a man never realizes it more fully
than when he drops thirty-three dollar
set of false teeth into deep and dark
sewer.-B Breakfast Table
"THE funeral was elegant" wrote the
waiting. maid of a lady, whose husband
had Just been buried, to her sweet
heart; was dressed in black silk, the
flowers were lovely and mistress wept
just like born angel"
AT a festival of lawyers and editors,
lawyer gave toast: "The editor--he
always obeys the calls of the devil" An
editor responded: 1.-THE editor and the
lawyer-the devil is satisfied with the
copy of the former, but requires the
original of the latter"
"THIs tunnel is one mile long, and
the train will be four minutes passing
through it," shouted a lying brakeman
on the Central Pacific Railroad; and
when the train dashed into daylight in
Just four seconds, the sight Of fellow
kissing his girl was revealed.
"TnE summer has departed, love,
The leaf Ia In the sere,
The cupof sweet regrets, love,
Is brimmed with many tear,
The forest trees are clothed, love,
In garniture anew,
And, u" All yes" sheinterposed,
That's what you ought TO do"
= Ymkers Gazette.
"JoHN" writes to ask: How should
we begin the week." We haven't the
scriptural regulations handy, but if
your folks wash on that day, one good
way to begin it will be by getting out of
the house before they discover that the
boiler or one of the tubs leaks.-Felton
Times.
A YOUNG lady hesitating for
word in describing the character of
rejected sutton said &c He is not tyrant,
not exactly domineering, but"
"Dogmatic,b suggested her friend.
ono, he has not dignity enough for
that; l think pupmatic would convey
my meaning admirably"
OUT in Iowa the young ladies aid the
yellow fever sufferers by selling kisses
at ten cents apiece. We opine that
there has been enough wasted around
here to have brought in revenue of
$36, 381.23 or in that immediate neigh
borhood. The worst of it is the waste
continues.-Breakfast Table.
"IF | should marry Eliza Jane," said
the prospective son-in-law, al should
frankly confess one thing in advance
am OF rather hasty temper and apt to
get mad without cause" Oh, that'll
be all right" blandly replied the dear
old lady; :" / shall go and live with you
and I'll see that you always have
cause"
VISITOR from the country, at the door
of southside residence, to German
next door: "Jane not at home, did you
sayr' German" Nein, Chances. nod
at home" Visitor" Where is sheY
German-"She's gone der cemetery
down." Visitor" When will she come
backY" German-"Oh, she wont come
back already any more; she's gone to
stay; she's det."
THIRTY days hath September, If we
the almanac remember. Then comes
October, brown and sere, the month we
chills and fever fear.-Eyratic Enrique.
And then November, month of rains,
when one is full of aches and palms,
Meriden Recorder. You are all wrong,
although tits true November maketh
the nose quite blue. December comes,
with frosts and SHOWS, and gives us chill
blains on our toes.-Bradford Breeze.
A BRAZILIAN count, millionaire,
was dining at the table dhote of fash
ionable hotel. His outlet was to his
taste, and he ordered another. eve
only give one outlet" said the manager,
"and no bread with one tish-ball."
Without word the count rose, went
out, bought the hotel, returned, led the
manager to the front door and kicked
him down steps, then reseating himself
at the table, said: Bring me another
outlet" They brought it, swift as the
eagle cleaves the air.
The Boston correspondent of the
Taunton Gazette tells the following cap
ital story, which he declares to be strictly
true: A party of Boston ladies Tho
we're spending the summer in little
town not far from the White Mountains
attended fair which was held by the
ladies of one of the churches. Wishing
to appear properly interested, one OF the
visitors asked the manager what the
proceeds were to be devoted to. Well, /"
was the hesitating reply, "we amt GER
tain whether we'll buy an ice-cream
freezer or hearse."
PERSONS who have been deprived Of
one or more of the senses commonly &C
quire increased acuteness in the remain