Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1878-02-11
FUNNY GLOBULES.

-
FUNNY GLOBULEs.
When a lawyer draws conveyance, he
may be said to ''work like horse
A man may be in great straits who never
heard of either Magellan or Behring.
The truth may be in nutshell, but it
does nut shell out very well nowadays.
A new comedy in London is entitled "The
Sea-" It's of an cm-ocean al character.
Gold is getting so low that decent women
no longer desire to be compared with it.
The rabbit is timid, but no cook can make.
it quail. This is fact in natural history.
Experience may be dear teacher, but she
isn't any dearer than pretty schoolma'am.
When Apollo dipped the god Pan into the
sea, what did he come out?-A dripping
Pan.
The first hours Of slumber are the sweetest
If ever man sleeps the sleep Of the just it
! is when he's just asleep.
"Can you tell me, sor-r, wher-re Mistress
Murphy lves?' (Which Mrs. Murphy"
''Ihc one who died las noight, sor-r!.'
In London, years ago, prize of $50 was
offered for the best original joke, and Horne
Tooke it-Norristolcn Herald. Now be
honest. Didn't Theodore Hooke it?-Oil
city De,11ch.
Does the armless woman who yields the
pen with her toes write good hand? Con-
sidering the difficulty of the feat it would,
perhaps, do to characterize her penmanship
a, fine bold foot.
Several exchanges are giving directions
chow to Dress The most sensible way is to
stay in bed until the fire is started and then
y
to the dining room stove.
dentist tried his first operation with gas
upon robust, colored woman. After she
had used up all the gas in the office she
wheeled in the chair and shouted: "Hurry up,
boss, and bring on another bag of that sweet
ened windH'
A school inspector, i'll talking to the infant
class, used the word '.abridgement," and i'm
mediately explained that, as some of them
might not know the meaning of the word, he
would say that it was synonym of the
word ''epitome.'
"Ah!' said hungry man at our boarding
house, grabbing the celery jar as he sat
down to the table, ''this celery looks hand
some.' .'Hand some over this way then, will
you,' said the other hungry man on the op
positc side of the table.
meddlesome old woman was sneering at
a young mothers awkwardness with her in
, FAINT, and said: 81 declare, a woman never
ought to have baby unless she knows how
to hold it!!'' "Nor a tongue either" quietly
remarked the young mother.
| stranger approaches a hack stand.
) Carriage? carriage, sir? Here's fast team
) if you're in a hurry" exclaim a dozen Jehus.
7 ''Fast!,' returns the stranger, ''g i've me the
7 slowest team you've got. I'm going for q
7 doctor for my mother-in-law.''
''There's no place like comb,' as the bee
said when storing up it's honey. '.Tll come
: to thee when daylight sets" as the Chinamal
Q observed to the hen-roost. sMeasure fo7
a MEASURE as the topers said when they dranl
fair. II do not ask thee for thy hand,'' a
:. the child said when gazing earthward DER it
i parents knee.
> Butchers boy-s'Mind bein' out in tn,
;, rain on herrend with parcel! Why
= = likes it; it's a-doin' me good I haint 'ad
~ reg lar wash fur nigh two years" Baker
= boy-':Well, if you wants ter do tn
y swell, come round with me, and I'll arsk tn
. gunner ter let yer sit in the oven fur iy
. minits; it II be as good as one of them ther
), Turkish barths they talks so much about
o A person recently met lady who is dis
is tinguished as having been four times
# widow, and has now again entered the bond
" of matrimony. Said the friend II think
q a New York ?'' ..When ?'' asked the fai
,e stranger. in 1861 he replied. s'Yes,
h she said, refectively, sit may have been Sc
II but l had forgotten it, You see," she added
n cit was two OF three husbands ago.
~ English romance: Beautiful voun
is woman runs off with handsome actor The
Sc are sought by her ma and sympathetic youn
III cousin. After three weeks they are fount
TX Beautiful young woman does no5 faint, br
d. philosophically bids the actor adieu, sayin
he that her duty to the sympathetic youn
e. cousin, whom she had married secretly
IS. month before her elope:nent, compels h,
Ike to return to her rightful lord. The n
IS. faints.
IS. Sheridan, to test the acoustic qualities of
ad new theatre he had built, desired the ca
ne penter to speak on the stage, while he wou
m go and listen to him from the CALLER
'e- ''Now, then, said Sheridan, when he hs
IT assembled. The carpenter responded:
eo and my mates have been working here fl
ne the last six weeks and we should like to s.
or the color of your honor's money! 9Th
ot will do said Sheridan, ssthe acousticts a
IS: perfect
- A hot-headed Frenchman, who felt himse
= insulted by the remarks of a friend, wrote
-, follows: "Dear sir-Your remarks person
Nv Nv to myself are so offensive that wish you
10 consider your ears well cuffed. expect
h he give satisfaction few days afterwards
~ received this reply: sDear sir-My ears I'll
~, a,d gle and am mad clean through. regr
'ba the provocation. but wish you to consid
'ad yourself run through the body with broa
ere - -iiiDo 01a'o p'lliai'
ay, Ro,,.a - n;. u,.,.
ant 1'' = e"''o".
The lSt. Cloud Journal Press
ere It is now said that M. G. Russell, of t
be Lake City Leader, who has occupied an no
be- ored place in the ranks, is about to disgra
vas himself and the profession by becoming
ere candidate for member of Congress from