The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-05-04
NUMBER 3.
PASSING SMILES.

Do not stop to tell stories in business
hours.
No man can get rich by setting round
stores and saloons.
THERE'S no peace for the bald-headed;
just as tides are going out flies are COM
ing in.
REPRoAcHEs, unsupported by evil
dence, affect only the character Of him
who utters them.
INCIDENCE is stream which flows
slowly on, but yet undermines the foun-
dation of every virtue.
JONES had but one bad habit,
And that the suit he wore;
The reason is very apparent
1t came from the secondhand store.
EVERY body likes hot steak, but
when it comes up covered with cindefs
you can justly complain of it as coaled
meat.
A DIscREETLy dull man is the wisoet.
His head is too level to be bothered
into mistakes, and his intellect too fat
to be witty.
Ir is said that one of the bravost
officers in the Russian army signs his
name with his mark. He must be q
soldier of the cross.
IMAM man thou poor antithesis Of powerl
Child Of all timei yet creature OF an houri
BY turns chameleon Of a thousand forms,
The lord of empires and the food Of wormsl
? he little conqueror OF petty space,
The more than mighty are the worse than basel
Thou ruin'd landmark In the desert way,
Between the all Of glory and decayl'
A DREAMY writer says it would be
curious to follow pound Of silk from
its spinning until it becomes lady's
dress. No doubt. But most men would
prefer to follow it after it became 4
dress, and while the lady was in it.
HERE is an extract from little boys
first composition: Gwen cats is .
swearin' and blastfemin', and tryin'
the cages of their steam b'ilers in the
back yard at mite, ii makes Teller ofile
Trade If he isn't a sleepin' with his big
brother"
A PENNSYLVANIA Senator did not de-
liver his speech, but obtained permission
to print it ia the Legislative Record.
When the copy was handed to tho
printer there appeared laughter"
applause" and the like, plentifully
sprinkled through it.
The Moflett punch may help little,
to be sure, but if Congress will only en-
act that original poetry shall be recog-
nized as legal tender at ten cents per
stanza, this Office will assume the
national debt and move into a marble
building at once.--CfncinndH Bredkfdst
Table.
THE Catslxill Recorder is mean enough
to expose the profession in this shame
full way: AN editors wife never goes
through her husbands other trowsers-
pockets to strike a package of love-
letters. Editors are not like the wicked,
unfaithful men of the world-editors
rarely have the other trowsers."
A LEWISTON (Me.) man recently be-
came scared at the recent numerous
failures of institutions of trust, and
drew fifteen hundred dollars out Of a
savings bank. Not knowing what to do
with it, he hid it in sly corner, and
the next morning when he went for it
he found the rats had destroyed large
partof it.
"MY love, said the count to his wife,
"you remember the secret that X. con-
fded to me week ago? Well, ! am
now authorized to reveal it to YOU"
:" thank you for nothing; don't care to
hear it" Don't care to hear it-whyT
because you wouldn't tell it to me
then. A week ago it was a secret; now
it is only news"
WHEN we behold man filing the
house in which he dwells with perpetual
sunshine by the sweetne IS of his daily
life; when he is met at the bedside Of
the sick, the doorway Of the poor, in
the chamber of the bereaved, the cell Of
the imprisoned, we do not care to ask
to what denomination he belongs; We
know he is Christian.
A TITLED Englishman lately landed
at New York with pontoons among his
baggage for fording our rivers, and the
foreman of Poole, the London tailor, to
cut his clothing. He expected to shoot
buffalo at Boston, moose at Montreal,
and deer at Denver, which he seriously
believed was suburb of New York;
The American Geographical Society
should send out large quantities of
cheap and legible map of our country
to the English nobility and gentry.