The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1878-05-15
Cured BY Cremation

Mrs. Boggs had been uader the
weather for Two or three days At
least she said she was, but these at
tacks came rather frequently. Boggs
thought; for when bis wife had enc
Of her OF spells he had to cook the
meals and do all the housework. We
don't remember what particular
state the weather was in the last
lime, but Mrs. Boggs was under it,
and she was under it very bad. She
even told Boggs that she didn't be-
lieve she was ever going to get up
cut Of il, aad she made him hyster-
ical request that be bury her in some
suanv spot where the birds might
come and sing to her, and she made
him promise that he would bring
flowers once q week and scatter them
over the grave A dozen times that
day was BOggs called from bis work
in the kitchen TO bid farewell TO his
dying wife, but she still fingered
He had experienced this q
great many times before, SO he was
not SO much alarmed as he might
otherwise have been.
That night as be sat watching,
like.the affectionate husband he was,
at the bedside, she saw that be was
deeply engrossed in a book
what book are you reading,
dear?" she family asked
"a railroad guide, my love" was
the reply
What do you want with a rail
road guide? ?"
II want to see how far it is to
Washington, Pa and how the trains
run"
She would have asked him what
he had to do with Washington, Pa,
bu, be got up and went out, and she
fell into a doze, the inclination to
which she didn't care TO repress,
even though she delayed The final
departure that che so often prated
about When she awoke she saw
Boggs bending over her with a can
die. He evidently had not observed
that she was awake, so closing her
eyes she ieigned sleep and overheard
the following soliloquy, which sufli
GENTLY explained TO her now awak-
ened senses his inquiry of the rail
road guide about the route to Wash
ington, Pa, Splendid subject for
cremation - little scraggy (Mrs.
Boggs's fingers worked nervously
under the bedclothes and she had
bard work to keep from flying at
bim), but the seraggy ones incinerate
quicker than the fat ones, the doctor
says She could be creased if nee
essary to make her go quicker. Think
III send her up by express, rs I'm
too busy in the store to get away.
Her Gsb-s can be for garded to me in
an enyeIpre through the mail. I'll
know them (audibie cbuckle. }.
They'll ask me to bury them in some
sunny spo. where the birds can come
and sing to 'em III send word to
DIR. LeMoyne to make it hot for her
-sbe has kept things hot enough for
me. And I'll tell him to let all the
reporters in, SO as to give her a good
seLd of, through The papers, and.
wboop'er up Liza lane. Sorry |
can't be there to stir her up myself,
and" A thrilling, ear piercing
scream came from the woman under
the weather, and with a bound suf-
feieBt to land ber on the top of any
weather that ever lived, she sprang
out of bed and had Boggs by the ear
in a flash, while she fairly screamed:
You'll cremate me, will you. you
old reprobate You'll
send my seraggy BODY up to Wash
ington by express, giving his ear
q wiring between the sentences) and
tell that wicked old wretch, Le-
Moyhe, to make it hot for me; and
you'll have my ashes sent to you in
q letter Growing more and more
and humping him over the
head with a eandlestick she had
snatched away from his hand;) and
bury ME in some sweet, sunny spot
(whack y where the birds may come
and sing (bangi) and you want the
there (bang) to wboop'er
up Liza Jane Doom y Oh, you mean.
wretched, wicked old man, you; III
live hundred years to spite you,
see If | don't"
Then she pushed Boggs out Of the
door and bolted it, and be had to
make up bunk on the kitchen floor
that night, next to the stove. But
peculiar smile played about Bogg's
face, even when he was rubbing the
sore spots upon his bald head, and
be murmured softly to himself, guess
I've cured her of them spells for a
while.
Mrs. Boggs hasn't been under the
since, but mention of the
word cremation drives her almost
wild