The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1878-02-07
The King Of Smokers.

A year or two ago there died in Rot
terdam o certain Mynherr Van Klaes, to
whom is certainly due the title of "The
King of Smokers" To gain this dis
tinction in the great nation of puffers
must require almost superhuman pow
ers and love for the Indian weed that
passes human understanding. But Van
Klaes was ever superior to the emer-
gency. It took no effort on his part to
gain the smoky crown and wear it while
he lived. He did not even die young,
as we might have anticipated from his
immoderate use of the weed, but both
enjoyed life nnd smoking until after he
had passed his eighty first birthday.
During the long vista of smoking
years in which he reveled in his pipe,
Van Klaes consumed four tons of tobac-
CO, well wetted down by 500, 900 quarts
of ale which he drank, not to mention
Schiedam schnapps and other national
beverages.
In Mynheer's house was a sumptuous
apartment, entirely devoted to pipes and
tobacco. Every variety of weed grown
on the earth's surface was to be found
there, in the plug, cut up or shredded
cigars, cigarettes and cigarillas were
grouped about in tasteful display. But,
above all, Mynheer's pipes first riveted
the visitors eye. Iu this choice collec.
ton every branch or variety of the pipe
family had its representative; one could
trace the whole evolution of the race,
from the clumsy bowl and thick stem of
Sir Walter Raleigh's clay to the carved
meerschaum from Trebizond.
In this temple of tobacco the veteran
would sit, putting prodigious volumes of
smoke from his wel-flled pipe, only
pausing now and then to wet his thirsty
lips with drink of ale. 1t is said that
his last rejecting breath was borne from
his lifeless body on cloud of smoke.
A few hours before his death Van
Klacs called for o notary to make his
will. Putting vigorously, and after talk
ing pull at his Schiedam, Mynheer
gave precise directions for the per-
formance of his obsequies. In the first
place, his coffin was to be thoroughly
lined with the tops, bottoms and sides
of boxes that had contained his favorite
cigars; then bladder of-the finest dry
cut Dutch golden leaf was to be placed
at his feet. Most important of all, his
favorite pipe must be laid at his side.
A firm conviction that his soul vas not
going to dwell in those latitudes where
fire is sure to be close at hand, caused
Mynheer to direct his executor to place
box of mat 3hes by his side, and, with
great foresight, he also desired that q
flint and steel should be added, rs by
some unforeseen occurrence the matches
might dampen before they would be
wanted.
Having thus attended to his personal
wants in the next world, Van Klaes de-
sired that the smokers in the neighbor'
hood should be invited to his funeral
each one to be presented with ten pounds
of tobacco and two pipes stamped witt
the name and arms OF Van Klaes, to-
gether with the date of the donors
demise. These guests were to be ad
monished to keep their pipes Lighted
during service and to scatter ashes Oh
the coffin as it was being consigned tt
mother earth.
The poor of the vicinity who observed
these instructions faithfully were to bt
presented on the anniversary of Myn
heer's death with ten pounds of tobacco
and a firkin of ale apiece. After these
items were arranged to his liking Myn
heer smoked his last breath, constant tt
the last, and certainly deserving to b'
immortalized as the "greatest smokes
since the flood"