The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1878-02-21
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
CLOSE currency: Snug quarters.
MUCH jawcy, Alfonso!" cries the
Boston Post.
"L1rTLE misfortunes vaccinate big
Ones" says Victor Hugo.
The hen is a solvent fowl; she gen.
orally has something ova.
EARLY and providcnt fear is the moth
er OF safety.-Edmund Burke.
Or man in squeaking boots it can
not be said, "Hc hath no music in his
SOLE"
LAST words of Mcthuselah: "This
is untimely. am shocked at this.''-
Buffalo Express.
TEACHER: snow, let me hear you
repeat your history Pupil: mo use.
History repeats ITSELF"
CALIFORNIA spectators are doing a
rushing business by sending trade dol
lars East. The profit is per cent.
THE common foible of women who
have been handsome is to forget that
they are no longer so.-Rochctoucauld.
DURING the first year of married life
the wife fills her husbands heart; after
that she must fill his stomach or there
will be trouble.
A TRAMP, on being asked if he had
an occupation, replied that he was a
journeyman. He journeyed from one
town to another.
'DID you ever know crack that was
too small for Il spying old woman to
peep through, Tom?' eyes, John,
the crack of = whip
The Buffalo Express believes that a
word to the wise may be sufficient, but
would like to see some of the wise to
try the experiment on.
A BOsTON bachelor is said to own a
dress-coat which he has loaned on
twenty-three occasions to as many BRIDE
grooms to get married in.
A COLORED woman down in Arkan-
sas said that her child was very sick
with " majestic chills, and she feared
that it was going into ''melodious"
fever.
A POsTMIsTREss in Maine :" happen
ed' to have letter in her hand when
it flew open. She wasn't to blame, of
course, and yet she was fined 800 and
cost. Beware of "fy-opcns.'
EYES, the days are getting longer,
sighed the old vag. 1--WE have that
much longer to beg in, of course, but
we also have that much longer to be
hungry in. Detroit Free Press.
WHEN, as he essayed to lower the
window-curtains, they parted from
their moorings and came tumb.ing
about his ears, he told his wife, The
shades of night were falling fast
THAT terrible infant again. "How
long are you going to stay here?''
'Why, my little dearo' "Cause I'm
hungry, and mamma says we shall have
dinner rs soon as that dreadful nuisance
goes away
II SUPPOSE you miss your husband
very much,' he remarked to the charm
ing relict. "Miss him! OF course l
do. He wAs very useful in attending to
the fire. winding up the clock and turn
ing out the gas.''
WE infer that the Marquis of Lorne
is not building the kitchen-tire this
winter, as we read that he presented
100000 about the time cold weather SET
in.-BreahJast TaJle.
AN English authoress saws that MANY
wives suffer from headache brouo lit on
by an unkind look from the husband.
just one unkind and rapid motion on
the part of a wife will also make head
ache.-DctrOH Free Press.
ANGER sometimes leads one to ex.
press an honest opinion of himself.
When man said, "That fellow ought
to be kicked by mule, and I'd like to
do it, he allowed himself, in the ex-
element of extemporaneous speech, to
tell sad truth.
AT recent Sunday-School concert
the Superintendent was talking about
idols, when, to ascertain whether the
children were understanding what he
was saying. he asked, Children, what
is an idol?'' being lazy" was the
loud and quick response of one of the
members of the Juvenile class.
AS funeral cortege was making its
way along the crowded streets, the
other day, bootblack called to a COM
panion: Hey. Jack, what big gun is
dead now?' "'Tain't no rich folks"
replied Jack. as he looked down the
street. '''Tain't, hey! Well, just look
at them twenty-eight hacks!'' THAT S
what was looking at-that's how
know it's some common man. Rich
folks don't keer what folks say, but
poor folks hez big funeral professions
to deceive tine public. ''-Chicago Times.
AN English lad lost his life late in
December during a game of football.
near Sheffield. On the edge of the field
where the match was played there were
several deep quarries. Young Beau
mont was either unaware of this fact,
or in the excitement of the game forgot
it, for when the ball was kicked over
the wall he jumped after it and fell
headlong into the quarry below-a dis
lance of thirty or forty feet. He was
taken up in an insensible condition and
died soon after his removal to the near
est house.
A LITTLE fellow has just begun going
to the public schools. His mother, to
stimulate him to attention to his les.
sons, said to him the other day:
"Charley, if you study hard, you may
some day become President of the
United States, like George Washington.
Who knows?'' Don't talk to me
about being Presidentr' exclaimed he;
everybody's going to be President!
When we 60 to school the first thing
the teacher does she calls the names
of all the little boys, and they all say
President don't want to be Presi.
DENT
Sketch Of the Life Of the Late Pope.
For long time there have been re.
ports of the failing health of Pope Plus
TX; and his death. which is announced
as having taken place yesterday, Feb. Z,