The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1878-03-21
Breakfast Table Crumbs.

THERE were no dull razors in the
days of Job.
WHEN a Dutchman makes up his
mind to sneeze, he has to say SO in plain
English.
WHAT strange fatality continues to
follow Kate Claxton! She was married
last Sunday.
IT takes brave man to forgive a
wrong, and sober one to find the af
inity Of a night-key.
SOLOMON in all his glory couldn't
stand on tip-toe and reach the plume on
drum-maj jor's chapeau.
THE New York Herald thinks we are
borrowing nation. Well, yes, in the
matter of umbrellas, we're not SO slow.
IT may be little consolation to the
pennyless to know that gold is found in
every part of the earth surface. Arise
and dig.
JAMES FREEMAN CLARKE has taken
the trouble to write book about Chow
to Find the Stars" Don't wait to read
| it-step on an orange peel.
FRANCIS MURPHY, the temperance re-
| former, gets 5000 week, or $3.50 night.
Hammond, the revivalist, receives 5000
week. 1t pays to be good.
THERE are eight thousand and sixty
four distinct languages, and yet the man
who smashes his nose ON the edge of
dsor, in the dark, finds difficulty in ex-
pressing himself,
THERE were tramps in olden times.
At any rate it seems as though we had
read somewhere that somebody had re-
fused to go to pool and wash himself,
long while ago.
In French thenecessaries of life mean
pepper and salt. Give Pierre ten
pounds of condiments and he canmake
the hind leg of frog feed all the sick
men in regiment.
| FROM the enormous load of debt Vic
tor Emanuel left behind him for Hum
to shoulder, it looks very much as though
the old man had been trying his hand at
running newspaper.
MANY of the leading journals are pro-
| posing plans for stimulating business, and
very oddly, none of them have suggested
that advertising is good blister for
that kind of complaint.
WALTZING having been pronounced
injurious to the health, by some of the
doctors, it will not be long before all
the young ladies will refuse to move a
slipper in any other kind of dance.
AN Illinois woman has hair seven
feet long," says floating item. Per-
haps there's some mistake about this.
The last we heard of Theodore Tilton he
was lecturing out there somewhere.
THE many friends of Kate Claxton
who have been moved to sympathy upon
| Joorpinn of bor ho,, r.yil1 he
gratified to learn that her new father-in-
law is the Secretary of gas company.
, AN ordinary hens egg only weighs
about two ounces, but George, the Count
, Joannes, has found several lately thai
he thought weighed nearer ten pounds
: when they first came into his possession
, THERE are over three hundred arte
: sian wells in Santa Clara Valley, Cali
fornia, and yet you seldom meet re
turned miner who will acknowledge
that he ever tasted water except in tn,
, form of soup.
+ HARPER's Magazine for March pub
i fishes letter purporting to be from
Martha Washington to a lady friend
> but claims that it was written b,
! George himself. We believe it-th
e letter has no postscript.
o Music! Sweet echo from Paradise
j tributed by every age-monumentet
!, in every heart! emba1mer of precious
n memories in soothing lullabies, swee
t songs of childhood, joyous bridal bells
and sad, awe-inspiring requiems!
: ravishing Muse seductive siren whithe
s leadest thou? Opera at five dollars
a chair? Yum! yum! Selah!
e THE new silver dollar has on the OF
verse side the Goddess of Liberty, an
4 on the reverse an American spread
:. eagle. Republics are ungratefu1, an
ii now is it any wonder the "Sweet Singer
!, declares she won't write another poun
Il of poetry to prevent famine, an
: George Francis Train don't want to liv
q over two hundred years.