The Portland daily press., 1878-08-23
CoNFEDRIr RoAns.


wIJH is IN THE STATE OF KENTUCKY,
Yesterday wuz perplexed. he'd bin argoo-
10 with my yoosual ability in favor Nv an on
| limited ishoo Nv greenbacks with view NV
maxim money easier, and givin every man wich
wantid it all he wantid, when Isaaker Gayit;
staggered me askin wat good that wuz a goin
to do him?
"Yoo promised u.s." said Issaker, "money in
plenty when we got the silver bill passed, but
never got hold Nv dollar NV it, onless
earned it, and that Good do before silver wus
made legle tender. There is money enuff now
for them ez is so degradid ez to work for it, but
that amt wat fnanseerin is for Wat 1 want
Is money that don't aoork for-money fur
nisht by paternal government, as it were; money
that comes Nv itself, you see. Don't talk to
me ontil 700 kin come in that shape"
L laid awake whole mite ponderin this suh-
jck. saw to wunst the force Of Issaker's
obieckshun and 1 felt that suthin must be
done to solve this problem.
At precisely three o'clock in the mornin l hit
it. 1t come to me as revelasheD, and went to
sleep, satisfied that he'd solved the problem
Nv finance.
This is my idee. Money wuz plenty doorin
the late unpleasantness becoz the Government
wuz a borryin Nv everybody. 1t was pentyer
in the Confederacy than it wuz in the Fedrel
States becoz the Confederacy wuz the biggest
borryer. The Northern farmer wich he'd hoss
that afore the war. OWN to its bein blind and
spawned, was wuth 500, found that hoss wuth
$500 doorin the war, becoz the Government HEX
to hev it, and he'd nothin but its greenbax to
pay fur it in. Hence the honest farmer divvied
with the honest contractor, and ther wuz $500
put atloat, wch wuz good thing for the gro
ceries and the fotograffers. The wife nv that
farmer never stopped till she had a cake NV
French sope and silk dress and her fotograff,
and the farmer hissef put on broadcloth and
fine linen, and bot q trottin sulky. Them wuz
prosperus days.
We can't, nv koaTse, hev another war to git
our moo ishoo into surkelashen, but we kin hev
wat will do list as we'll We kin bey internal
improvemence. We kin complete all the kanals
and ralerodes that ever wuz commenst, and We
kin kommense Just ez many more ez we chuse
For instance, the Cross Rodes wants;
The slack watria nv Niger Run to make it
avaeable for side wheel steamers at all seasons
Nv the yeer.
The compleshen NV the Secessionville Rale-
rodes, to lower the frate on lkker from Loois-
Vile.
The compleshen NV the pike to Boregard, to
cut off the trade Nv Libertyville.
The establishment Nv an arsenal at the Cor
ners, and also nashnel military academy.
The imejit bildin Nv a branch connectin the
Corners with the Southern Pacific Road.
The establishment here Nv a nashnel obser-
vatory, to observe eclipses and diskiver planets
and sicb, without wich ther can't be prosper
ity..
The bildin nv plank road over Davis's Hills,
with swing bridge over Niggerrun.
These improvements, all demanded by the
general good, will cost not less than three mil
lions Nv dollars, all NV wch wood be divided
among the honest perdoosers nv the Corners
and the honest contractors, Nv wich shood be
one.
Thus the money wood git into circulation,
and thus it wood go long way toward restor-
ing prosperity. Ez every other locality in the
country wood want an ekal amount, there Good
be at least thousand million put ahoat to be-
gin with, wich Good be added to from time to
time, ez we needed it,
But it wood all hev to be paid agin?" OBJ
jected Bascom, wch hevin suthin Is aluz OBJ
jactin to finanshel skeems for betterin the
times.
"Never," sed !, "neyer. This money amt
never to be redeemed. 1t will go on and on for
ever. When a bill gifts old. yoo kin go and ex-
change it for a moo one, and that for another
moo one. TIE people will be obleeged to take
it, for it will be legle tender, and il cant help
maxim money plenty wich is wat we want
now. Payi Never Ef we are goin to pay
we mite be benefited for a time, but it wood
be but temprary: We want permanent finan-
shel releef, suthn that will last. A Unlimited
ishoo NV money and librsl system NV internal
improvements to git into cirkelashen is wat we
want now.
Isssker wuz satisfied, and tomorrow mite We
meet to organize the "Onlimited Ishoo and In
ternal Improvement League Nv the Cross
Roads,"
Oar rallying cry will be, 'Our capassity for
spendin money should be ekal TO our oapas.ity
for prodoosn it, and both must be onlimitid.
We shel hev good times at the Corners ez soon
the NashnAls carry COnoroaa md lie
to work. L hev developed the skeem for EN-.
PETROLEUM V. Massey.