Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1878-10-10
Aids to Digestion.
THE LIGHTNING ROD IA

IHE LIGHTNING ROD NAN
A melancholy farmer hot
Mlth his old gun crammed full of shot
was sitting by his melon lot
Three weeks he had his vigil kent
TASTED no food or even slept
let all the While the bad boys crept
Among his melons, where they ate
Enough TO Kill ten men, but fate
DEGREES that small boys stuffed di-late.
This maddened farmer, nigh insane
Thus watched and prayed, but al in vain,
The boys preyed to0-and none were slain.
just at this awful time there trod
Up TO the farmer with nod,
An agent for lightning rod.
Good morning, sir!'' he sweetly spake,
My lightning rod you'd better take;
They are the best; just let me make"
80 spare your rods the farmer said,
And aimed the gun straight at his head,
lie shot the agent-not quite dead.
The bullets fattened at his feet;
de picked one up, and smiling sweet.
Presented it: he ne'er was beat.
''Now, farmer - said he, oh, so sleek,
just buy rod; then you may wreak
Your vengeance on the other cheek!"
oil city Derrick.
When man goes out of the poultry
business he tears the tattered hen-sign
dOWn.-BOStOn Post.
1t was before the "joker" was added
to the game of euchre that Attacks was
able to defy the ightning- Whitehall
Times
Some of the Chinese Embassy wear
outside garments of white silk so closely
resembling night-shirts as to make an
old maid dodge around the first corner
-Erchange.
On the body of man who was
struck by lightning last week four
autograph albums were found. Cut
this out young woman, and paste it in
your own album.-Burlington HaaCkeye
At st. Anne's Sunday school in Low
ell Mass, IN answer to the question,
"What is the greatest church festival p"
little orphan of six years promptly re-
sponded, The strawberry festival"
The Indians are really more capable
of civilization than we were disposed to
believe. They have taken to robbing
trains. The first thing you know some
of them will start a savings bank on the
Boston plan.-B.rlingto12 Hawkeye.
A man will brag. 1t may be of his
physical powers, his profound wisdom,
his morality, his depravity, or even his
sicknesses, violent cough, sore throat,
and all that sort of thing.-BOston
Transcript.
This is a perilous season for a news
. l., l1o 70 O1y0r1On1- 4l,o G. oE
that one of its constant readers took the
second prize for crook-neck squashes-
in which event it acquires a bitter enc
my.-NeaO Haven Register.
A young lady, hesitating for a word
in describing the character of a rejected
sutton said: He is rot tyrant, not
exactly domineering, but" "Dog-
matte" suggested her friend. "No, he
has not dignity enough for that; l think
pupmatic would convey my meaning
admirably"
"What piece of work is man
How noble in reason! How infinite IN
faculties In form and moving, how
express and admirable. In action, how
like an angel. In apprehension, how
like a god p And yet, some how or
other, he never looks that when he is
backed up to peanut stand taking in
a tail-pocket cargo of peanuts.-Haeoh-
eye.
The good man slammeth the gate and
bangeth the door, and maketh noise,
for his heart is without guile and he
feareth not the grievous words Of his
wife; but the naughty man shutteth the
gate softly, and stealeth upstairs in his
stocking feet, and stumbleth over the
rocking chair, and the last condition of
that man is worse than the frst.-EG-
change.
"Gem'len," said Brother Gardner of
the Lime Kiln Club, as the members
rose up, death mus come to all.
We can't escape it by jumpin' inter
Canady, and we can't buy it wild our
wealth. Some Of us will oe hung,
some drowned, some burned up in
barns, some gifts shot by the police, but
it will be death JUS de same. Let us
hev our cabins in order, an let us be
'spectin a visit from dat white-faced
angel who moves so softly dat men hear
not, an who strikes SO swiftly dat men
hev no escape.-Detroi Free Press.
The time when pious editor is ex-
cusable for knocking splinters from the