Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1878-05-01
IIumOrsOme Waits.

BLIND mendicant wears this inscription
round his neck Don't be ashamed to give
only half-penny. | can't see"
A FRIEND apologizing for another re-
marked, " He is very reserved in his man
ners.' "Very,' was the reply, so much so
that they are rarely seen"
EDIsoN says his monographs will cost
about one hundred dollars apiece This will
enable poor families to keep a phonograph,
but they will have to dispense with a couple
of dogs.-NorTisto,0n Herald.
A SUBSCRIBER wrote to journal to make
some inquiries about the next worlds fair,
whereupon the wicked editor replied that he
was under the impression that the next
world wouldn't have any fair.-Breaktda
Table.
Ar one of the schools in Cornwall, Eng
land, the inspector asked the children if they
could quote any text OF Scripture which for
bade man having two wives One of the
children sagely quoted in reply the text
No man can serve two masters"
A SUBSCRIBER asks us, What is good
for warts on horses 2" ave don't know"
replies the Norristown Herald man. We
never owned but one pair of horses Ga wood
horse and i clothes-horse), and they were
never troubled with warts"
"THE Life Guards are the tallest soldiers
in the world" boosted an Englishman.
"Whew !" retorted Paddy, "you never saw
the South Tipperary Artillery Militia;
they're so high that when they look to the
ground it makes them dizzy"
Aso1DlER on trial for habitual drunkenness
was addressed by the president of the court
martial Prisoner, you have heard the
prosecution for habtual drunkenness what
have you to say in your defense ?' "Noth-
ing, please your honor, but habitual thirst ?"
| A TRAVELLING tree peddler sold some ex-
| traordinary kind of gooseberries to a farmer.
| Next year when the peddler came round the
| farmer informed him that his gooseberry
bushes bore cuTants. That is all right"
says the peddler that kind always pro
duces currants the first year"
An editor narrowly escaped having his
pocket picked of ten thousand dollars in
| crowd in Philadelphia last week. The thief
got off with his wallet, but fortunately 1t
only contained sixteen cents and a receipt
for making paste that will keep six months
without souring.-Noristocn Herald.
WHILE a country parson was preaching,
the chief of the parishioners, sitting near
| the pulpit, was fast asleep, whereupon he
said: "Now, beloved friends, am in a great
strait for if | speak too softly those at the
end of the church cannot hear me, and If
talk too loud shall wake the chief man in
the congregation.
The best way to induce sleep is to shut
YOUR eyes and think of nothing. An old
man told his minister that he did this one
Sunday morning while he was preaching,
aud that it worked admirably. The minis
ter asked him why he did not think of the
sermon, and the old man replied naively that
that was Just what he was thinking about,
and that it was so near to nothing that the
difference could not be perceived and so he
dropped into quiet and refreshing slumber.
TmE knightly Bayard who enlivens An
drews Bazaar with laughable lunacies therein
expresses the solemn opinion that tits not
true that cat always turns its tail to the
new moon. The cat has no volition in the
matter. The moon attracts its tail as it at
tracts the tides" This is just what Addi-
son meant when, alluding to the cat, he re-
marked that Soon as the evening shades
prevail, The moon takes up its wondrous
tail, And nightly, DER the suffering earth,
Observes its antics and its mirth. ."-Grdphic.