The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-05-25
NUMBER 6.
PASSING SMILES.
MORNING rappers-Milkmen.

THERE is a wag in every household
where dog is kept.
MARRIAGEABLE daughters - Daugh-
ters who never get married.
SoNG of sufferer from the toothache
-" How happy could | be with ether"
No pattern of men are so much given
to pillage as the members of the medical
fraternity.
WHAT is the difference between a
sailor and soldierY One tars his ropes,
the other pitches his tents.
ONE Of the differences between the
moon and the honeymoon is this: One
attracts the tides, and the other attracts
the tied.
THE Chinese are an imss tive people.
Chew Kow Kup, of San Francisco, has
stolen ninety thousand dollars within
the last seven years. Breakfast Tube.
Mrs. PECK, of Chicago, has "gone
off with a handsomer man." leaving her
husband in bushel of trouble in the
shape of four little Pccks.
IT may be said in all seriousness that
Jonah had more occasion and better
place in which to blubber than any
other man who ever lived.
| A YOUNG man in San Francisco put
out one of his eyes while taking off
Shirt spiral stud did the mischief.
Moral, never wear shirt
| THE letter was to his mother. Dear
Ma: Send me clean pair Of socks and
something to eat; also, a clean handker-
chief and something to eat
AT recent tin-pan serenade TO
newly-married couple in New Jersey,
the bridegroom climbed up the chimney
thus making bridal tower of it.
You call that trunk, do your
growled detected hotel porter. at
only needs lightning conductor to
make it look Ike boarding house."
IT was recently remarked that John
Bright practiced his early speeches in
mill. The Meacs remarks that John
Morrissey did the same, also, likewise.
The world seems to be blowing
through space with augmented celebrity
just now. A New York genius, has con-
trived sort of miniature lawn-mower
for cutting hair Breakfast Table.
A WICKED contemporary says The
ordinary idea of hell is place of intense
heat the Hottentots, a place of ex-
IRENE cold; the Boston mans place
where there are no Goldfish and beansp
The penny-lunch room, established re-
Gently in Washington, has fed on an
average thousand a day. Every thing
sold is a penny-cup of coffee, a penny;
plate OF beans, penny bowl OF soup,
penny, etc.
The faults of fool are concealed
from himself, while they are evident to
| tta xunrlI. he oil han1 ha fa
of the wise man are well known to him
self, while they are masked over and in
visible to the world.
A vENTRILoQUIsT fell overheard in
Lake Erie the other day, and was
drowned. When the cry of "Helpl
helpp came from under The bulwarks,
the deck-hands said che couldn't fool
them," and went on with their work.
UNCLE JASON asked Spikes one day,
"Wat dat enjuneer mean by say dat rs
done most sprout into anjul?' Don't
ask me-" said Spikes, ask him." 1t
was subsequently inferred that he had
done so, as he went around the mill NUT
tering: Oats no sign of an anjul, kase
man ears look like wings"
A "PARvENU has a son twelve
years old. The child, which has been
well brought up, is in the habit of speak
| ing TO the old family valet with a GER
tain degree of respect. One day his
father takes the boy aside and says to
him: George, you are now large
enough to be little less polite to tho
servants"
A MAGAZINE writer says there is a
| language of the hair. Don't doubt it in
the least. At any rate we have heard of
tolerably we'll authenticated cases where
a single auburn hair on dark coat col
lar could talk palmer than guideboard,
and furnish the material for whole
course of lectures --Breakfast Table.
"WHERE do potatoes come from p
asked little five year old. She was told
that they grew, and the process ofplsnt-
ing was explained. Butwhere did the
first one come fromp' she persisted.
Her father said he didn't know. Then
she thought for few moments, and
then broke out with, "Well, l suppose
they made little teenty one first,
and then planted it; don't you, papaT
The child knows Just as much about the
facts of evolution as the wisest.
THE BRIGHT SIDE.
| LOOK on the Dr1gnt 6loe-1t Is the IlSnt bluc,
lis sunshine, not cloud, that gives life to the
| flower,
And there always is near us some change that will
And guide to the shelter Of some pleasant bower.
You have troubles, it may be, and obstacles stay
thee,
So have others but such bestow sinew and bone;
Let the battle be fought and don't give thought
The night has an ending and tits Heavens sending,
The lake has turning-broad day is beyond
The dewdrops bright glisten, and If you but listen
The song Of the birds bid you never despond.
The applause by the ushcrs in thea
aters is clumsily done, according to the
Dramatic Neacs, which illustrates by q
story how the thing may be cleverly
managed. Sangalli was dancing at the
j Olympic Theater, and every evening"
in the middle of her most difficult move
ment somebody in the gallery Missed.
Clifton Tayleure, the manager, detected
, an usher as the hisser, and threatened
to discharge him. "Why, Pm paid .
dollar night by Sangalli's father to do
it," the usher said; "every time hiss.
J the audience gets mad and applauds."
The following notice speaks for. it
self: Office hours for listening to COM
mercial travellers, seven to eleven; SO
licitors of church subscriptions, eleven