The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1878-01-12
NUMBER -.
PASSING SMILES.
CONFINEMENT makes one happy and
lch MS the greatest king.

a hOsSAA'o ffAf<A<*~NNs
CONFINEMENT makes one happy and
rich as the greatest king
JOSH BILLINGS says: "There IL no
man who needs so much watching ez
the one, who is always watching some
one else"
A BARErooTEp little boy stepped on a
bee and soon after said to his mother:
"Ma, didn't know that bees had splin-
ters in their tails!'
THOUSANDS more Frenchmen would
commit suicide, but just as they are
making ready for it they happen to hear
of new style of hat, or new way to
cook a horse steak, and so they live on.
WHEN Sir Walter Scott was urged
not to prop the fallen credit of one of
his acquaintance, he replied: The
man was my friend when my friends
were few, and will be his now that his
enemies are many"
THERE is gruf old party who lives
opposite to church where the men,
bcrs of the choir meet twice week to
practice, and who says If the singing
affects Heaven rs it affects him, there'll
be no use of going there for happiness.
"IF," said new England preacher,
suddenly pausing in his sermon, " the
youth who has just thrown that egg in
at the window will wait till service is
over, he will learn what Christian
minister can do for the salvation Of his
soul"
BARRIERE, the French dramatist,
made this mot on Litolif, the lean con-
ductor: "Leanw cried Barriere, lean
isn't the word. When see him rise
with his baton never can be sure which
of them is going to beat time with the
other"
THE willow that bends to the tempest
often escapes better than the oak which
resists it, and so, in great calamities, it
sometimes happens that light and frivol-
Gus spirits recover their elasticity and
presence of mind sooner than those OF a
| loftier character Wa ter Scott
"Now then" said physician cheer
fully to patient, "'you have got along
far enough to indulge in a little animal
food and" "No you don't, DOCTOR
interrupted the patient; I've suffered
enough on your Cruel and Stops, and
I'd starve sooner than begin on hay and
oats"
BRooKLrT gushing ceese'cssly; -
Mill heels rush ng peaceesBlyi
All ye merry wood-birds, 20
Cay and FREE,
Stop your joyful hclodyl
Through the grove
Only rove,
Cheerful rhyme Of happy Lowell
The beloved siiiler girl Is mine
Splina are these ell the iow'rets Of timer
Sun hast thou no brighter shibe7
Ainsi then rejoicing ioneromely
must with my biissIul ~ofd oil slice,
| Not understo d In creation le
AN OAKLAND (Cal.) man bought
mule for enc hundred and forty dollars,
and after trying for two days 10 put ON
his harness, using the second-story win
dow as a base of operations, he finally
sold him to the city authorities for
fourteen dollars. The city will use him
to suppress riots. 1t is estimated that
to put him right end formest at a riot
he will equal two Calling guns.
DURING the last days Of August and
the earlier half of September, owners OF
Providence telephones were surprised to
hear singing and cornet playing through
their instruments The dates of these
occurrences were recorded, and investi-
CATION has pretty conclusively shown
that the music heard was that of con-
cert being given between New York
and Saratoga by the Edison telephone.
The physicians Of public institution
at Jersey City have been instructed to
make their reports in plain English. A
Director complained that they charged
twenty-three cents a pound for CASTLE
soap, calling it "sapo hespano," but II
they called it CASTLE soap the price would
only be eleven cents. Another member
objected to such a familiar article as
whisky being designated as sipritus
frumenti."
A ROMAN ecclesiastic, in reply to
whatever question might be proposed.
began by saying :Imake distinction"
A cardinal, having invited him to dine,
proposed to derive some amusement Tor
the company from the well-known pc
culiarity of his guest. Saying to him
chat he had an important question to
propose. he asked: " Is it under any
circumstances lawful to baptize IN
soupq' 81 make a Distinction" said
the priest. off you ask is it lawful TO
baptize in soup in general, say no. II
YOU ask is it lawful to baptize in your
Eminence's soup, say yes; for there
is really no difference between It ana
water"
HfMENwAY's boy writes the following
about eagles: "The American eagle -
the largest and the powerfulest bird in
the world, but he is smaller than an
ostrich, which is more Of boss than 2
bird. The eagle is very proud bird;
and don't go round eatin' worms and
caterpillars and diggin' up tomato plants
like a hen does, but he flies through the
air with his wings and sometimes swai-
lers little children, which is very sad;
The eagle lives sometimes to be several
hundred years old, which is long time
to live. III ckery Bartlett's sister Is an
old maid, and she is as old as an eagle,
and she gifts awful mad when the felle!s
call her an old stakeholder. There is
several kinds of eagles, but the United
States eagle is the boss bird and can
haste blazes out of any bird that ever
grew in Europe, or Asia, or Afficy. An
eagle can fly about thousand miles IN :
yery short time. / should like to sec
two eagles fight. should like to own
an eagle"
A REMARKABLE change Of fortune,
y <<4