The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1878-12-06
SEFT{Nfts.

| A doctors fees-oan you call them i'll
! gotten gains.
Proposals for marriage in Nevada are
written on postal cards and the answer
comes by return mail, Come on With
your preacher"
/ The difference between ladies and
ducks-if there is any differences thst
ladies are often dressed to kill, while
ducks are killed to dress.
In an exchange We find an article about
mother-in-law, and in beautiful harmony
the next item is headed, "The Storm Else,
where"
"They al tell ne old Skinaint is losing
his sight putt up job; he's going blind
to save his dog tax. Blind mems pood.
are exempt you know
"And they were talking 50 unkindly Of
ycu, dearest Louisa, and Aud what
were they saying 81 "saying that yon
painted your face and told them that
it was untrue, and that your color was
only erysipelas."
It would make stone image turn
green with envy to observe The expression
of profound abstraction that settles down
on the face Of worshipper when the con-
tnbution basket gets within about three
pews Of him Burlington Ha'ohey
4 Louisiana farmer set spring gun IN
his cornfeld to make short work of bear
that infested the locality, and then pulled
the wire to sec if the machine worked.
The bucksh9t missed him. but the small
shot made his face resemble the top OF .
pepper box.
An h6nest Hiberien, trandling hand
cart containing all his moveaoles, was ac-
costed by q friend with: "Wea, Patrick
YOU are moving again, I see. :" Faith |
am, replied he. "The times are $ hard,
lis dale cheaper hiring a handcart than
paying rints."
A tramp, on seeing sign which read,
..To Louisville without change wondered
if he would be any better Of in that city
without change than where he was.
When bridegroom finds all the clothes
be owns in the world hung one over the
other on a hook behind the pantry he re
aiizes for the first time that the honey
moon is over.
There is fortune in store for the gen,
ius who can invent a way Of carrying
home mackerel SO that it will resemble
parcel containing t"sahty six yards 0:
silk for his wife.
Ills better not TO ask too many ques'
lions about the future, A curious hus-
band-that is husband who was too
cnrious-,skea his wife, " Marv, my dear
what kind Of stone do you think they
will aive me when am gone 2 She an
Isvered, cody, "Brimstone, John"
i The most original excuse for avoiding
a marriage was made by young man
in Newark last week. The wedding day
was appointed, the brides troussou made
the invitations sent out, and everything
in readiness for the happy event, when
on the previous evening, the prospective
groom made his appearance and told the
prospective bride that the marriage must
be put Of, giving as his reason that his
physician had told him that he must no
Get married, as his health had been failing
for some time, and that he would be un
able to support wife.
The young man who had been giving
his views about everything to everybody
for an uncomfortable half hour, when tbs
old man said, with nice courtesy, y bes
your pardon, sir, but ifyou begin teaching
everybody at eighteen, when Dc you IN
tend TO begin learning anything 2"
No man can 60 down in the dungeon
Of his inexperienee and hold the torch 9
truth to ali The dark chambers and bidder
cavities, and not come up with shudde
, and chill as he thinks OF the time when d.
undertook to talk politics with the dea
old father Of his first sweetheart while th
girl is present.
Somehow or other those grand legacie
which were being left to waiter girls, jour
neymen bricklayers, and poor inventor
last year, haven't pannei out two cents o.
! the dollar.
A scientist says that angle-vorms &
/ not safer when put on the hook. The
wriggle around out Of pure JOY, we sur
: pose, the same as man does when
: good-looking woman steps On his eorns.
One Of those wise men who know
everything declares that in the course 9
two Or three generations America
women will be taller than the men. The
look down on men pretty well now.
4 Brooklin woman's husband tried t
: hang himself the other day, but vas e
49,,