Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1878-05-15
The Ph0nograph.

At one time he protested that she should
not go; he conld not endure the lonesome
house during her absence. And then
again, he declared that if she must go, he
would neglect his office, and let his busl-
ness go to the bow vows, and he would
60 with her. At length, however, she
persuaded him to be reasonable, and on
her repeated assurance that she would not
remain away longer than three days, he
consented to let her go. lie even bought
her ticket, and ordered the carriage and
paid for il two days ahead. lest his resolu-
tion should give way and he should forbid
her going from him. And from that time
till the morning of her departure Mr.
Barstinglow spoke in subdued tones and
moved about with the air of man whose
heart was buried under mountains of
grief.
Before she left the house Mrs. Barstin-
glow set the phonograph in the sitting
room, behind the clock. Then she kissed
her disconsolate husband, and begged
him to preserve his precious life for her
sake while she was away, and then she
was gone.
Every day during her three days visit
in the Gate City. she received letter from
her mourning husband. begging her to
come back and telling how lonesome he
was without her, and how like grave the
empty house seemed, ana how tho hours
dragged over his aching heart with leaden
feet. And in three days she came home,
and filled the solemn house with sunlight
and laughter again.
The evening after her return to Burling-
ton. she took down the phonograph.
:" WONDER" she said, what we said
last in its hearingP 1t must have been
something while we were discussing my
visit. Or may be it has caught some of
your poor, longing meanings while l was
away"
And then she turned the crank.
No." croaked the phonograph, in
tones of hearty reinsurance, no danger
of that; she's safe in Keokuk for three
days; saw her safely off myself, this morn
ing. Light your cigar while l light anoth-
er lamp and make the room look cheer
full"
Why" exclaimed Mrs. Barstinglow,
with a countenance Of amazement, what
ON earth is it saying?"
oh, some nonsense some of your visi-
tors have talked into it some time or
other," replied her husband nervously,
people talk all kinds of stuff into pho
nnograph you know, They say anything
for talk"
Mrs. Barstinglow, looking only half
convinced, gave the crank another turn.
This is good whiskey, Barsly," ejacu-
lated the machine, very earnestly. You
don't get it in Burlington, do you?"
Mrs. Barstinglow gave little shrek.
my DEAR" said her husband, looking
now quite as worried as he had looked
when he was begging her not to go tc
Keokuk, "put it away somebody has had
it out in the stable, and it might say some
thing perfectly shocking, you know. Put
| it away
But Mrs. Barstinglow, upon whom the
spirit of investigation had descended will
great power, ground away. and the pho
nograph, in voice marvellously like hel
husbands, went remorselessly on.
Not much; they don't make this kline
now. It's some old Monongahela, copper
distilled, that Mrs. Barstinglow's mother
gave her for medicinal purposes. three
years ago. Fill up, there's plenty of it
and can replace it with any kind of bev
erage when it's gone. The old girl won
know the difference"
Mrs. Barstingow felt herself turning tC
stone. but the next turn of the cranl
brought out an uproarious-
Ha, ha, ba! Here's to the o. gn'
That famed her cheek into flame.
For mercy's sake. Malabhi Barstin
glow" she shrieked, " what does thi'
meanp"
Mr.. Barstinglow now looked as though
he really did wish she had never gone t'
Keokuk.
{" It's Just as tell you." he said, with al
effort to look unconcerned, that was like .
humorous book. colossal success, so fa
as its utter failure was concerned. "Some
body has been talking all sorts of nonsens,
into it, just for talks sake. How else coult
it get hold of such dreadful stuff in oul
dear little home, lovey?'
Mrs. Barstingow didn't say, but sh'
turned away and the phonograph asked
carelessly,
Throw round for the dealP'
She thought she should faint, but sh'
didn't, and the pitiless machine proceeded
to remark, with variety of voices,
"It's my age" " You'll have to strad
die that blind if you come in" Give mi
two cards" Chip one." I'm see you
little one and raise you couple" Pusl
the bottle this way, Ben Amt yot
going to stay in Harry?" Cant 20,
Stay in on pair of sixesP" Call you.
Two small pair, kings to head" Ten
and deuces. Take the pot" " Barsty
get us something TO eat. Old girl left th,
cupboard keys, didn't sheP" " Yes; tol,
her was going to keep batch, at home, t,
save exp pense and keep out of bad compa
n.y." Ha, ha, ha! Ho, no, ho!'
=" Ohr' yelled Mr.. Barstinglow, unable
to contain himself any longer, while hi
wife, more dead than alive, leaned owe
the phonograph and ground away at the
crank, in dazed kind Of way. "Oh
keep it up! That's right! Keep he
J agoing! Grind it all out! Confound th'
diabolical piece of black art and the ass
ASSN that invented it. Keep it up! That
right! Believe q senseless, diabolica
piece of monstrous mechanism rather thai
your own husband. Keep her agoins
Keep it up!'
And Mrs. Barstinglow did keep it up
She kept it up and listened to that phono
graph swear and shout and howl, sh
heard it shrek, "Oh! my eye. my eyep
She heard it tell some one to let some on
else have it again in the same place !;
she heard it warn somebody to '' hold hi
head over the stove hearth, and not let hi
nose bleed on the carpet" and, at last n
it assured her very thickly and with som
difficulty, that it was " a BAN of jorr
goof fuf-fuf-felows," and that it hi
won Y ONE till morning." she ground
into silence, and sank back. speechless an
7 breathless, while Mr.. Barstinglow too
the phonograph out into the back yard an
smashed it into rs many aud such smal
fragments that it couldn't reproduce eve
a steamboat whistle.
And now. when people 60 over to tn
Barstinglow's to spend pleasant evening
and happen to say, What have you don
. with the phonograph, Mr.. Barstinglowp ?
/, it affords the visitors entertainment 70
the rest of the evening to study the differ
ent expressions which creep over the face
Q of Mr.. and Mrs. Barstinglow. while MI
3 Barslinglow, rs he answers the question
E thinks he would give ten thousand dollar
} if he could find out how the member
t of the Paragraphers Association tell lies 6
5 easily and make them sound SO marve
? lously like the truth.-Burlinglon Hawl
4 eye.