Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1878-10-02
THE NEWSOGRAPH,
A Most Remarkable Application of Edi-
sons Last Patent.
st. Louis Globe Democrat.

st. Louis Globe Democrat
A seedy man, whose apparel and cut
lcle, SO much of it as is exposed, stand
sadly in need of a water privilege, has
for weeks past frequented bench in
the park near the four courts. He has
a high and expansive forehead and
shoes badly run down at the heel. He
has a grizzled beard, and mustache
turned yellow by the smoke from his
venerable pipe. He is communicative
to fellow chevaliers d'industrie, and a
Globe Democrat reporter, to whom the
figure had grown familiar, had put him
down for q labor reforsner with a fnan-
claI theory, warranted to lead the cOun-
try into prosperity in three weeks. The
old fellow smoked SO necessarily and
looked SO philosophical that the report
er yesterday concluded to investigate
him. On the shallow pretext of borrow
ing a match the opportunity to con-
verse was found, and the reporter open
ed up with q casual reference to the DO
litical field. The old man removed his
pipe, raised his finger impressively and
said, "There are more things in life
than politics. What does the term sug-
gest? lgnominious strife for the spoils
of office. A ceaseless struggle of the
outs to get in, and the ms to stay there.
ALI politicians are wolves. They are
republicans because they are without
honor in the ranks Of the democracy.
They are democrats because the repub-
hcans do not accept their claims. Then
there is the political workingman. The
blg-framed man with felon on his fng-
er eight years old, who asks that labor
ers send him to Office because at some
remote period in his life he was forced
to work to keep from starving. Politics!
bah; leave that to lesser man. [ am
an inventor. [ am, or will be.
THE BENEFACToR OF MY RACE.
" Perpetual motion?" suggested the
reporter. ....
No, young man. The time has not
come when 81 man can lift himself by
the straps Of his boots. When it does,
then perpetual motion will be discover
ed"
Flying machines?"
No: objects Of real value and use
engross my attention.
Lei NE SOME OIL Ulloul.
" [ expect soon to give to the world
machine for straitening crooked pins.
Every family will have one, and they
will bless my name as they do that Of
the inventor Of sewing machines. I
have a hundred inventions in transit,
but | am now laboring night and day to
perfect the phonograph. The idea was
mine before Edison dreamed of it.
Cheated of the honor of my invention,
| have conceived an ultimate use for
1t, the magnitude Of which Edisons
mind can not grasp. / will cali my
machine the newsograph. My draw
ings are as yet incomplete, but the pro-
cess is simple, and you will easily fol-
low 1t. lake the newspaper Of to-day.
Look at the great staff of editors, re-
porters, printers and mechanics, and
the fortunes invested in machinery.
AL this Will be done away with. You
have seen the monograph, and I'M
destand how the little sheet of tin foil
is pricked and prepared to resurrect
sounds by the turning of a crank. Fol
low me now The reporter of the future
will come down to his office, and turn
the crank Of a central Office photograph.
which will occupy the position now
held by the city editor. One editor will
be required for paper only. The re-
porter turns the crank and the phono-
graph says: " Mr.. -, you go
down to Lucas Market and get the
speech of John I. Martini ....-.-
The reporter will then take I'D a
portable photograph, of size to be
easily carried under the arm, 60 to
Lucas Market, get into position, and,
as glowing eloquence and bad ram mar
fall from the tongue Of the speaker,
they will be unerringly registered by
the little instrument.
Returning to the Office, the reporter
hands over his phonograph to the fore
man Of
THE EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT,
is sent up stairs, where cheap boy
turns the handle, and the sound pours
forth and is registered in the newso-
graph, which IS something on the prln-
cipal of the photograph: but of great
Ell size.
The newsograph also partakes Of the
nature of the printing pen, and sheets
Of tin foil to the number OF subscribers
of the paper are contained in it. By
an ingenious mechanical arrangement
this entire number of sheets takes the
impression from the monograph.
Each subscriber is furnished with a
photograph for family use. A sheet
of the tin foil is delivered to him each
morning. It is put into the family
photograph, a servant turns the crank
and the subscriber thus gets all the
oratorical and elecutionary effects Of
the honorable speaker of the night be-
fore instead Of dull, insipid row Of
words, without fervor or the chemistry
of imprisoned delivery. The editorial
writer's in that day must be orators and
the reporters mimies. A report of an
artillery drill would be very interesting
reading. Think of the ready. fire and
then right in the room all the detona-
ton that made the sensation at the
fo1r Grounds tho 6av before f!'urn the