The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-11-14
STANDARD PARAGRAPHS.

Take out the Shot-gunS, ana tne DeInoclac
of this country is not great power
81 can stand defeat like man" says Butler
"there's nothing spooney about me "
Mr.. Thurman should not sacrifice himself il
1885, The man with the cigars and bull-pup
will beat him, sure.
Gen. Butler says he will still serve the people
The people have just served the General-an'
served him badly.
The British Government sent an Ultimatum
to the Ameer of Afghanistan, and it is said th'
old man had it boiled for dinner
The poets haven't found anything yet to
rhyme with Conkling But they have found a
great many voters who accord with him, fully
Christmas approaches, and the small boy
should be careful not to display any skepticlsm
about Santa Claus.
1t is not expected that our Democratic friends
will Join very generally in Thanksgiving SER
vices this year. They are not in prayerful
mood.
"Dennis, darlint" says Mrs. Kearney, "if ye
have time now ye'd better come home and
thry and make an honest livin' fur me and
the CHILDREN"
This is about the time the stingy man dis
plays unusual vivacity, when among his ac-
quaintances. He would accept an invitation
to Thanksgiving dinner
always remember the Golden Rule" said
the teacher to little Jim. 'I will, sir, answer
ed Jim then under his breath, land the oak
rule!'
AS Mr. TiIden heard the Republicans re1olc-
ing over the good news in New York, he re-
marked, sadly: "Ah, it wasn't so when Bill
Tweed and me used to manage things"'
A French Senator has been asked to resign,
because he "cheated at cards." We trust that
our great Ohio Senators will remember the sao
fate of the Frenchman, and "play fair"
Mr. Dennis Kearney will probably now work
off his surplus wind by pounding gravel, or as
first engineer of a wheelbarrow. His occupa-
tion as an orator is gone.
1t is strange how innocent as well as ignorant
the Faculty of Medical College appear, when
O b Jdy is found in the College building. They
know nothing of the doings of their subordl-
nates Mr.. Tilden would make good Presi-
dent OF Medical College.
How we enjoy cold weather! But while we
enjoy it, people in other sections are sorely
afflicted for the patent-medicine man, the
umbrela-men der and the Italian Count with
the hand-organ have gone south.
One of the numbers of the Florida Returning
Board is out in a card, telling how Manton
Marble, and another Tilden agent in Florida
tried to buy his vote. What was that old bat
tle-cry of the Democracy? "TIlden and Re-
form?"
The grounds upon which the Democrats want
to contest Mr.. Butterworth's seat, is the pres
ence OF U. Supervisors, who intimtdated
Democratic repeaters. If you want to create
a Iooseness in the digestive apparatus of
ft,Ct CHI hin1 a -
officer.
Body-snatching is being carried on at lively
rate at present. Why talk OF cremation as
means of disposing of the dead? All that Is
necessary is to just place the casket containing
the body out on the back steps, and some ambi-
tious medical college will cart it away in the
night.
Will Mr.. Whitelaw Reid just step around to
Gramercy Park, and tell old man Tllden the
election news? Pelton and those other fellows
about the house don't allow the old man to
know what's going on, and the news might
interest him.
Secretary Evarts has been talking pretty
sharply to the English Government An Eng
lish paper calls his communication "a threat
ening letter." Mr.. Evarts probably made a
mistake, and sent the British the letter he had
prepared on the Chisholm massacre.
"Ah, my dear madam" said the stranger
with the tattered clothes, "It wasn't always SO
I wasn't always tramp! "Poor, man." said
the lady, handing him lunch, 'and in what
condition of life were you before you became
wanderer ?" "Why," said he, gathering the
coveted morsel and starting toward the door,
81 was in the poor-house!"
The average Democratic politician, after
reading the election news last week. probably
felt a good deal like certain ox-driver in
Jackson, felt once upon a time. While driving
his team along one day, he met man and in
suited him. The man knocked him down.
Just as he was picking himself up, friend
came up and asked what was the matter. "Oh,''
said he, "that id OK kicked mel
LOST !-On or about the Sth day of October
1878, rag baby. Was last heard of about the
5th day of November, when a man by the
name of Conkling with many others was en-
gagged in kicking it about the State of New
York. Any information about the lost baby
should be addressed to Thomas Ewing, Esq,
Lancaster, Ohio, or A. g. Thurman, Washing
ton, D. C.
A cousin of Prince Bismarck recently COM
mitted suicide in Venice. He had ten razor
cuts on his legs, two on his arms, and two on
his throat. He then crawled into bed and shot
himself He had to let the job go at this, as
there didn't happen to be battery of artillery
within hailing distance which could be pro
cured TO fire broadsde into him.
A student of Cornell University writes to the
Cincinnati Gazette TO the effect that "hazing'
is very nice, and that young lngersoll is much
pleased with his experience. Taking the state
ment of this correspondent as true it would be
hard to distinguish these students from a gang
af esca ned lunaficS or Idiots. He claims thai
the trouble between the lower classes is causeu
by the members Of of the classes carrying
canes No wonder the sight of canes is dis
tasteful to these fellows.
Old Mr.. Pinchum hired his good little boy,
Ned, to go to bed early each evening, giving
him a silver dime for SO doing. Ned carefully
placed his dime each evening in his little mon
ey safe. Ned began to notice after while tha
each dime he received had niche in the edge,
and scratch across the face. Ma" said he,
one day, 'let's look in the money-box an see
how many dimes I've got all alikeT' The
mother. slowly opened the box. 1t was empty
''Oh, mamma, who stole my money!" shouted
Ned. "Hush, darling!'' said the mother your
father, you know, is great man, and makes
speeches, and tells the people how to have good
times by keeping the money in circulation,
and not boarding it in National Banks. You
don't understand finance, my son-your papa
does.
Tom Ewing loafed around in kind of care
less manr1er last week until he heard the elec
ton news, then he just went off to his privat,
room and endeavored TO drive away the bitter
feelings the news engendered, by reciting poe
try and singing hymns. The only poem tha
readily occurred 10 him was Burns "Man Wa
Made to Mourn" So he began, in a solemn
tone "When chill November's surly blasts.