St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1878-11-01
Squibs.

ECONOMY is wealth." muttered the
man in the procession, as he blew out
his torch and poured out the oil into
bottle to carry home to his wife.--Phila-
delptia Chronicle.
Col. Ingersoll says Milton was not
poet. If the Colonel were to read our
etfusiOns, each line of which commences
with a capital letter, the probabilities
are that he would say that we are not
poet, either. But we are satisfied to be
placed alongside of Milton. If Milton
can stand it we can.-NOrriStOaU Her-
aid.
There are over 10000 words in the
English language, but none of them can
adequately express the feelings of the
cOmpOsitor who is surrounded by an
audience of six, all of whom deem it in
cumbent upon them to pick up the
types, throw them back into the wrong
boxes, and to remark that the cOmpo
''acts like a hen picking corn" Then
all laugh, and the cOmpOsitOr wishes he
were as gifted in speech as Dennis
Kearney. Star.
With the opening of the dramatic
season, preparations seem to be going
on for the production of our usual In
dian war, with new scenery, costumes,
arms, ratiOns, and other appointments.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Powerful oratory they have down in
Oil City, when the Derrick says that
''the men sent out to save the country
are becoming very much in earnest. In
his speech last night, one of them yelled
so loud that he burst a boil on a man
standing on the curb-stone."
A pickpocket taken with his hand in
some ones else pocket endeavOrs to in
vent all manner of impossible explana-
tions of the phenomenon. "What's the
use of your trying to lie about it so
clumsily 7" says the magistrate, benevO-
lentIy; ''haven't you lawyer P'-FrOm
the French.
''If it takes one hog to make a ham,
how many hogs will it take to make
hammer ?" - Exchange. He, he, he
Here's another one: If it takes one egg
to make an nogg, how many eggs will
it take to make an anger q-S. Louis
Despatch.
Captain to high private in the French
reserYe-YOu are supposed to be senti-
mel on the advanced line, and you see
one of the enemy coming towards you,
bearing white flag. What would you
do 1? Defender of the Countrywide at
him and fall back on the picket.
"This is Neptune" said the professor,
placing his finger on the outside ball of
the system, "and we are now two
thousand seven hundred and fifty mill
ions of miles from the SUM-" Rheumat-
ic student on the back seat involuntar-
lily turns up his collar and shivers per-
ceptibly.-ROckland Courier.
When the American citizen of ,ele-
CANT leisure surveys the magnificent
equipage of Kurnel Gosh Billings in
Sentral Parque, he stands spelbound
with admiration, and remarques to hi2
kOmpanion, ''Wot mitey thing is let
ters."-NeaO York Commercial
"Little Liver Pills" are advertised
If the patient has big liver, we pre-
sumo these pills will do him no good
The inventor should be little more
definite, and state the size of the liver
his pills will cure.-Nor. Herald.
He was countryman and he walked
along our busy thorOughfare and read
on manufacturing establishment, .Cast
Iron Sinks 1t made him mad. He
said that any fool ought to know that
Camden Post.
A wealthy but drunken farmer re-
Gently stood up in camp-meeting a
HInesville, Ga, and asked to be PRAYED
, for. A clergyman made the desired
prayer, in which he spared not tn,
farmers feelings, but characterized hin
, as an exceedingly wicked man. Th,
farmer resented this description of him
| self, and has sued the clergyman fo
defamation of character.
, ''That boy will make his mark in th,
world some day." said a parent of hi
dullest child. So he did. He never
learned to rite.-Edenburg Herald.
A fashionable young woman amused
a friend the other day by stating tha
she spent her summer vacation at tn,
seaside, at Saratoga, and it was 'per
fectly delightful"
An agricultural paper tells "How t,
Dress Hog" But what's the use O
dressing a hOgq 1t would ruin it
clothes before it had them on two hours
-NOTristOiUn Herald.
"What shall be done with our chill
dren when they leave school q- asks
! contemporary. Why, give them thei
5 dinners and send them back.-Norris
tO,Un Herald.
A Kentucky editor says a neighbor @
his is SO lazy that when he works in tn
garden he moves about so slowly tina
the shade of his broad d-brimmed ha
2 kills the plants.