Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1878-10-17
Anmurnns department.
OILING THE HINGES.


The old man was oiling the hinges of the
stove door, and carelessly singing one Of
Beethoven's best, when middle.aged woman
entered the station and began:
"Mr. Joy, are you good manf'
"Wall, tolerable-tolerable, he replied
"I never dropped bad nickel into the street
car box, and I never have been fishing on
Sunday"
"Mr. Joy, I am canvassing for money to
buy Bibles, and so forth, for the African
heathen," she continued, as she exhibited a
pass book.
care, eh Does he seem to want Bi
ble?"
"He does. He sits on the sands of his na.
tive shore, and looks longingly this way fol
help"
"Does, eh? Sitting right there this morn
ing, suppose?"
"He is. How much do you subscribe, Mr.
Joy?"
"Madam, I've got to lift mortgage before
noon to-day, and"
"You will certainly give something?" she
interrupted.
"And I've got to meet fire and life insur.
ance, new rents, taxes, and"
"Put down what your noble heart die.
tates," she said, as she handed him the book
He reflected for couple of moments, and
then asked:
evil five dcllars convert heathen-a
great big, two.fsted heather, with stiff
knee?"
"I-I think so."
He figured with pencil on the bottom Of
chair, and said ::
give dollars into two hundred pounds Of
heather, is forty pounds for dollar. That
is, less see-um-ten pounds for twenty-five
cents, and none to carry. Divide the divi-
deud by the divisor, cut off the cube root,
carry nothing, and madam, you take this
quarter and convert ten pound of heathen for
me. That's all 1 can spare-no use talking
ten pounds, ten pounds for me"
She went away puzzled and amazed at his
figures, and Biah looked after her and
mused:
II ought to have taken mortgage on my
share of that heather, but I'm just that care
less in business affairs"
"THEM FEET."-For half an hour before
the circus opened yesterday, an anxious-look-
ing middle aged man was observed walking
around nervously as if he had free ticket
and was afraid the show was on the point Of
busting up. When the ticket wagon opened,
he made rush for it and bought paste
board, but while on his way to the tent, tick
ct in hand, woman lodged into the process.
sion, seized his collar, and for half minute
the air seemed full of heels.
"Going to the circus, eh?" exclaimed the
woman, as she slammed him around. "Sneak.
ed out of the back way and made bee-line
for here, did you?"
"Let up on me-stop-for Heavens sake
stop this disgraceful conductp' he calculated
as he tried to keep her at arms length.
"Gentlemen," she said to the crowd, as she
held up one foot and then the other-"see
them shoes? I've worn 'em better nor year,
and there hain't nothing left but heels and
shoe.strings. All the children are just as bad
of, and we don't have half enough to eat.
That explains why I'm bouncing him-why
I'll make his good for nothing heels break his
good for nothing neckv'
They fell over rope as she grasped him,
and in the confusion he broke away, leaving
the ticket on the ground. A boy handed it
to her, and wiping the mud off her nose with
her apron, she said:
II hain't seed no girafes, nor clowns, nor
snakes, nor hyenas for twenty-five years, and
being this ere ticket is bought, III walk IN
and view the gorgeousness, and the children
shall come to night if 1 have to pawn the
wash-tup to raise the money"