davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
How to Burn a Barn.

1t is the easiest thing in the world, if
few simple directions are followed: Use
an old fashioned tin lantern at night,
through whose roughly punched sides only
the minimum of light can penetrate, and
whose door must necessarily be open to
enable you to see everything. Set it down
in the bedding while you go up in the
hay-loft to throw down feed and the
chances are good that your hungry horse
or risky COW will kick it over, as Mrs.
OI.eary's did in Chicago, and set the barn
on fire. Ifyou have not a tin lantern, car
ry candle, or open lamp, and use it in
the same way. If the night is windy, feel
your way out to the barn the best you can,
and light your candle inside with matches,
and let the match ends take care of them
selves--th are small affairs, anyhow.
On rainy days make the barn your rem
devious for smoking and whiting, and
talking politics with intelligent neighbors
who have leisure hours on their hands as
you have. Do not be stingy with your
pipes and tobacco. and keep plenty of
matches lying around loose so they will be
handy to fire up with. A few social after
moons spent in this way will, not unlikely,
enable you to get your barn burned.
never CLEAN up your Darn. IL Involves
great deal of labor to be particular about
barn-in sweeping the floor and cleaning
up the stalls, and fastidiously disposing of
the rakings and droppings, and odds and
ends, which accumulate and make pleas
ant carpet for the feet, if left alone. All
this refuse when it becomes dry is easily
ignited, and offers handy food for incip.
lent fires, which may be kinded by an am
bilious match, dopped during the day and
stepped on as you pass through in the
night.
Do not pay any attention to those n.y.
perscientifc people who are everlastingly
talking of spontaneous combustion in hay
mows. Never mind if your hay is wet; you
do not want to be all the year waiting for
it to dry. Now it away; tramp it down;
let it dry at its leisure scout at the idea of
moisture setting hay on fire. A ridiculous
newspaper reporter the other day actually
printed an item about an extra high tide
setting warehouse on fire becauce the
water reached some lime stored in the
cellar Just as if water could set
anything on fire
These directions, all of them, or part of
them, faithfully adhered to, will beyond
doubt enable you to get your barn burn
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
HidrOphObia Cured.

REMEDY THAT IS SAID TO HAVE BEEN
SUCCESSFULLY USED IN PENNSYLVANIA
can give some facts which may be OF
use to somebody, thereby saving life. The
time between the biting of an animal by q
mad dog and showing signs Of hydropho-
bia, is not less than nine days, but may be
nine months. After the animal has be-
come rabid, a bite or scratch with the teeth
upon person, or slobber coming in con-
tact with sore or raw place, would pro-
duce hydrophobia just as soon as though
he had been bitten by a mad dog. Hy-
drophobia can be prevented, and l will
give what Is well known to be an infalli-
ble remedy, if properly administered for
man or beast. A dose for a horse or cow
should I've about four times as great as for
Il person. 1t is not too late to give medi-
cine any time before the spasms come on.
The first dose for a person is / ] ounces
of eIecampane root, bruised, put in pint
of new milk, reduced to one half by boil
ing, then taken all at one dose in the morn
ing, fasting until afternoon, or at least
very light diet after several hours have
elapsed. The second dose same as first, ex-
cept take two ounces of the root third
uose lHe Sdlile as last, 10 De taken every
other day. Three doses are all that is
needed, and there need be no fear. This
know from my own experience, and know
of a number of other cases where it has
been entirely successful. This is no guess
work. Those persons allude to were bitten
by their own dogs, that had been bitten by
rabid dogs, and were penned up to see if
they would go mad. They did go mad and
did bite the persons.
This remedy has been used in and about
Philadelphia for forty years and longer,
with great success, and is known as the
Goodman remedy. l am acquainted with
physician who told me he knew of its
use for more than thirty years, but never
knew case that failed where it was prop.
ery administered. Among other cases he
mentioned one where number of cows
had been bitten by a mad dog. To half of
this number they administered this reme-
dy, to the other half not. The latter all
died of hydrophobia, while those that took
the elecampane and milk showed no sign
of that disease.-C Country Gentleman
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
VARIETIES.

"A bachelor editor, who had a pretty
unmarried sister, lately wrote to one SINH
larry circumstanced, "please exchange"
IL can't say as he went to heaven" re-
marked citizen the other day of de-
ceased townsman, "but he paid a bill of
eleven years. standing on the day before
he died, and you can Judge for yourself"
.-"Squigglums :" School-mistress (iust
beginning nice improving lesson upon
minerals to the juniors)-"Now what are
the principal things we get out out of the
earth ?" Youthful angler, mtat four (con-
tidentlyD "Worms !"
Secretary Thompson took sail down
the Potomac the other day, and noticed the
men pumping out the bilge-wate Dear
Ell" he said 81 did not know you had a
well on board, Captain; but l am really
glad, as do detest the river water"
"A correspondent asks, "Wllat is the
best method of feeding cattle in winter ?"
We don't exactly know. One man might
prefer to take the oxen in his lap and feed
him with a spoon. Others would bring
him into the dining room and let him sit
at the table with the old folks Tastes diff
fer in matters of this kind.
Scene at an Irish bank-Lord Squan-
derer "Overdrawn, Mr.. O'Hagan?" Why,
| cast up the pass book myself, and it
showed over II thousand in my favor" Mr..
OHagan "Ah, me it's thrilling mistake
yeve made-ye've cast the year of our
Lord into poun's. Troth, it's rowling in
riches we'd all be if we could only discount
Annie Dominy!"
John Phenix," the American humor-
ist being one night at theatre, fancied he
saw friend some three seats in front of
him. Turning to his next neighbor, he
said:
"Would you be kind enough to touch
that gentleman with your stick 2"
"Certainly," was the reply and the
thing was done; but when the individual
thus assaulted turned around, Phoenix saw
he was not the man he took him for, and
became at once absorbed in the play, leav-
ing his friend with the stick to settle mat
tiers with the gentleman in 'front.' which, as
he had no excuse at hand, was not done
without some trouble. When the hubbub
was over the victim said:
Didn't you tell me to tap that man with
my stickS'
Eyes"
"And what for2'
"Oh," said Phoenix, with imperturba-
BILE gravity, II wanted to see whether you
would tap him or not"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
EDliraim,s Mind Weakens.

Blossom, deah," said bed-ridden Uucle
Eph, 81 feels a little bettah tonight, an I
kinder bankers arter a bite of stewed
chicken. wish you'd send Gworge Wash.
ington into de market to buy hen fo' his
ole fodder, who mus mighty soon pass froo
de da'k valley oh de shadow oh DEATH"
and the old man sank back on his pillow,
exhausted.
"Jes' calm yo' feahs, Ephraham de meat
shall be forthcomin', replied his good wife
Blossom.
Then reckoning her son to the bedside,
she said to him, solemnly:
"Gworee, yo' heah what yo' POI fodder
said ; Pm offle feered dat long sickness has
impa'ed de ole mans intellec'," and she
shook her head sorrowfuliy. "His min
amt what it used to be, or he'd nevah talk
bout sendin' you into de market by de
dark oh de moon. He seems to hab foh-
got de fac dat foh Guild folks to go around
spendin' money foh chickens when dah's
no moon would create mob talk dan q
chuch scandal. No, no, de ole man amt
hsself no mob," and Blossom laid her head
on the bed and wept like child.
Presently she dried Der tears on the
checkered apron, and said:
"Go out, Gworge, go out into dc dahk
and sunless world an get chicken in de
usual way, an den DAHL be no chance fob
talk"
There was tremor in the young man 3
ice when he said:
"De ole man seems mighty bad off to-
night, an talks about passin' ober de dahll
an shadowy ribber 80 yo' bet yo' life dis
chile'll hab a yaller-legged pulet eff he
shouldn't get back afore mohnin', and TAX
ing another hitch in his Ulster, he pushed
out into the moonless night.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
Survival of the Fittest.

The Darwinian doctrine of the survival
of the fttest in animal life, in its relation
to the perfection of the species is quite as
applicable to the vegetable word, as
many careful cultivators are aware. The
practice of saving the best of seed, if
adopted 10y the farming community gener
ally, would increase the average produc-
ton to an extent little dreamed Of Small
potatoes are not only saved for seed, but
there are many who will assert that they
see profit in it-an erroneous idea which
cannot too soon be corrected. In respect
to grain there is less variety of opinion.
The following, which comes to us in an
exchange, confirms the principle: "a far.
mer, well known for his care in the seec-
ton of his seed, made it "a practice to set
apart each year certain portion of his
fields for the raising of seed. Upon these
seed-plats none but the NEST selected seed
was used, and of a given quality. The
best cultivation was given without regard
to cost, and the product of these seed-plats
was used for the general crops; the top or
extra grain being carefully sorted each
year, to be again sown for future seed.
Thus he always had none but the best and
most mature seed for sowing, and always
obtained an extra price from Others, for
seed from his fields. But his own selected
seed for these seed-plats could not be
bought at any price,"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
A Deaf Mans Musings.

Sharp and intelligent rascals are more
respected by the world than virtuous fools.
Half of the pleasure of riches consists
in seeing Others suffer the pangs Of power
ty.
To borrow Il pocket-knife and find it
will cut, is one of the pleasant surprises of
life.
When religious society quarrels and
splits, it stands to reason that the devil
gets one of the divisions.
1t is not difficult to do good, for the
means are constantly clustering about every
mans lips and hands.
He is indeed an afflicted man who can
pass beautiful woman without for an in
slant forgetting his sorrows.
He who eats mince pie in restaurant
affords beautiful and touching evidence of
child. like faith in his fellow-men.
If you would secure the favor of an in-
telligent man cut off your story as soon as
he smiles an understanding of its point.
The physical attributes of man are
constantly at war with his moral and in
tellectual forces-notably in the case OF
bOils
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
farlMers' Column.
Speed the PLOeC.o
Pasturing Stock Oh Public Roads.

To the Editor Of The Kgis::
SIR: l have read with much interest
the communication from the pen of your
gifted and talented correspondent "W. s.
F., of Darlington town." and with your
permission l shall endeavor to answer it in
behalf of the poor, landless man, who is
the immediate and direct subject of the
aforesaid communication.
shall begin with this quotation from
w. S. F.: 1.-THE rights and privileges of
the poor man." and shall use it as the basis
OF my remarks. Some persons, yea, many
persons are to be found in every communi-
ty who seem to think Cat least we are led
to this conclusion by their acts and speech
esq that the poor man has no rights that the
favored rich man should respect; and we
think w. s. f. is of that number.
Now in respect to "Stock on Public
Roads," one would suppose, from reading
the aforesaid communication, that no one
but the poor man ever uses the highways.
This may be the case about darlington"
but if 30, it is quite different in every other
section of the county.
Where we live the rich men of the COM
munity use the public roads in the way al
luded too by w. s. F. as much, yea more,
than the poorer classes because they own
more stock. The law, as expounded by
Judge Waters, is correct but it is certainly
very oppressive one. A poor mechanic,
for instance, who is renter, is denied the
privilege of keeping a cow, because he is
unable to rent pasture for her, and the law
will not allow him to let her run on the
public road. There are many such in our
county, who are denied this privilege, and
the very men-the rich men-who are such
strenuous advocates for the strict letter of
the law, would not rent pasture to such a
mechanic upon any terms. w. S. F. seems
to think that the "poor man" -unfortunate
man, who is the principal violater of the
law, according to his dictum, is also the
sole Jiequenter ofthe rum mill" We think
that in this he is also mistaken; yea, we
know he is. Again, how is the rich man
and cattle dealer to transport his cattle
from place to place, if he does not use the
public road. | suppose he being privi-
legged citizen of a privileged class can do
as he pleases. Or perhaps w. S. F. is an
advocate for Narrow Gauge Railways, and
holds with certain Pennsylvania gentle
man, that the time will come when the
narrow gauge will be part of the adjunct
of every rich mans farm, and every farmer
who can't afford railroad to run his stock
to market shall not be allowed to keep any.
Truly this is an age of progress and adj
vanced ideas, but whenever such progress
and advancement is ola class character, and
poor man is to be oppressed, we think it
the time to pause and reflect before acting
too rashly. Remember always that the poor
man has certain rights under the common
law" that equity would grant him at all
times, whether the statutes say to the con-
trary nevertheless.
CITIZEN.
Forest HiN, M, March 18Th, 1878.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22

CURIOUS INvEHTIoNs.--Some of the
monasteries of Italy and France will send
curious inventions to the Paris Exhibition.
A Florentine friar has constructed watch
only quarter of au inch in diameter. 1t
has not only third hand to mark the sec
onds, but n microscopic dial which indi-
Gates the days of the week and month, and
the proper dates. 1t also contains an
alarm, and on its front cover an Ingenious
ly cut figure of st. Francis of Assist On
the back cover two verses of the TIE Deum
are distinctly cut. A monastery in Brit
tany, France, will contribute plain look
ing mahogany table, with an inlaid
draught or chess board on the surface
The inventor sets the pieces for game of
chess, and sits alone at one side of the
boards He plays cautiously. and the OPP
posite pieces move automatically and some
times checkmate him. There is no mech
anism apparent beneath the table top,
which seems to be solid mahogany
board.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
A Wife Wanted.

want wife
To cheer my life
care not if she's minus beauty,
SO l but find
That she is kind,
And knows and practices her duty.
want wife
Averse to strife
gentle, unaffected creature
One who can pass
A looking glass
Sans stopping to survey each feature.
| want wife
With vigor rife
Whose nerves are never in futter;
Who will not roam,
But stay at home,
And brew, and bake, and make the butter
l want q wife
Who through her life
Was never known to have f1irt;
Who'll bring to me
A recipe
To keep the buttons on a shirt.
If such a one
Dwells meath the sun,
And don't mind leaving friends behind her,
With the author of this
She'll find true bliss
By informing him where lie may find her.
SIMON SNICKLEs.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22

married, and another such brilliant wed.
ding was never celebrated in all that val
ley.
After they had been absent on their wed.
ding tour several days, the loving little
wife said to her husband: "Harry, don't
believe we ever would have been married
had it not been for my thoughtless tongue.
| made the first love to you and that's how
il all came about, didn't it."
Her only consolation now is that they
are very happy, that it was leap year and
that none of the neighbors knew anything
about it.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
Poe tics al.
Daf0diIs.

Daff0dils.
! wandered lonely as a cloud
That hoats on high DER wales and hills,
When all at once saw a crowd,
host of golden daffodils
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering, dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-endmg line
Along the margin of bay;
Ten thousand saw | ut glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Outdid the sparkling waves in glec;
A poet could not but be gay
In such a jocund company,
gazed, and gaZed, but little thought
What wealth the show TO nae had brought:
For oft, when on my couch lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
-WordSworh,
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22

1t is said that nothing contributes so
much to the Emusic of the future as mat
rimony.
An Oregon paper offers fifteen cents a
bushel for manuscript poems-if they are
on good paper and written on one side of
the sheet.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22

is river in the United States.
2 is lover of Pomona.
3 is an elliptcal expression
4 is kind of head dress for women.
5 is conjunction.
g is vowel.
z is an interjection.
s is footstep,
9was President of the United States.
10 is name given to the Furics.
II city in Massachusetts.
The centrals spell the name of river in thu
Unlled states. EMBo
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
Corn Wanted.
SEXTON STOVES.

WILL furnish Sexton Stoves of any OF
i the different patterns, at Manufacturers
prices, and have them put in free of charge
e. M. ALLEN,
Stafford, October 23d, 1877. n0y2
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22

-"Do you ever have malaria here9" said
a lady to an illiterate hotel man. yes"
said he, "we'll have it every day, for I've
got the best French cook in the city"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
THE EGIS & INTELLIGENCER,
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAVBY
F. w. B A K E r..
Terms-s so a Year, In Advance
Otherwise $500 will be charged.

TRANsIEET Accommodations Square, two inser
lions $lO0. Each subsequent insertion, rs cents Lo
geradvertisements in the same proportion. spac
equal to six lines makes a square.
As- Yearly advertisements at special rates.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
Suuarp Word.

Is boys name.
2 is one of the United States.
3 is an nterjection.
4 is part of the body. EMBo.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
Sewing Machines I!
TOA
GOLD BASIS.
Bead These Prices {:

Secor, Empire, Etna, keystone, Common
Sense, Florence, Blees, Domestic, Home, Nc.
Lean g. Hooper, and other makes at equally low
prices.
All attachments, including Tucker, Binder,
extra Hemmer, &c, free.
Write without delay for our new Ga page IL.
Illustrated PRICE LIST.
OrmOnd Misunderstanding Co.
my41y Al N. Gay Street, Baltimore.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1878-03-22
Read these Prices :

Domestic, Etna, Florence and all other
kinds at equally low prices.
Extra Attachments furnished with all Ma
chimes free. Best quality NEEDLES for all
kinds of Machines by MAIL 80 cents.
Machine Belts 40 cents EACH
Extra attachments for sale and fitted to all
kinds of machines.
Repairing, Re-Japanning and Re- building
promptly and neatly DONE
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-12-21
0nr nouna falls.
THE TWO CHESHIRE CATS.

Said the first Chessy-cat to the second Chessy-
Did You ever see a Chessy-cat p)ut?"
Said the second Cnessy-cat to the first Chessy-
cat
Did you ever see an oyster walk about"
Said the second Chessy-cat to the first Chessy-
Did you know that Chessy-cat could grin ~
Said the first Chessy-cat to the second Chessy-
cat
Did you know they made tin dippers out of
Said the first Chessy-cat to the second Chessy-
Did you ever see a Chessy-cat cry?"
Said the second Chessy-cat to the first Chessy-
cat:
Did you ever see snapping-turtle Ay?''
Said the second Chessy-cat to the first Chessy-
cat:
Did yoan,, know that chessy-cat could
Said the first Chessy-cat to the second Chessy-
cat:
Did you know it took two halves to make a
mile!'
Said the first Chessy-cat to the second Chessy-
cat:
Said the second Chessy-cat to the first Glossy
Did you ever see a weasel fast asleep"
Said the second Chessy-cat to the first Chessy-
cat:
Did you know that Chessy-cat could
laugh?"
Said the first Chessy-cat to the second Glossy
cat:
Did you know there were two quarters in q
half!n
Said the first Chessy-cat to the Isecend Chessy
cat:
Did you ever see Chessy-cat swoon?"
Said the second Chessy-cat to the first Chessy
cat:
Did YOU ever teach an elephant tune
a p. Hjttidnts, IN 81. Nicholas for December.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1878-12-21
Mark Twain's Printing Days.

One compositOr who worked on the
NeWS then still lives, says a writer in
the st. Louis SPIRIT, and has made con-
siderable noise in the world. We al
lude to Samuel Clemens, better known
as Mark Twain. He was then about
twenty-one or twenty-five years OF age,
very good-looking, and most impressed
with that fact. He was the LATEST NOR
tai that ever q" soldiered' on the hook.
In that year the Crimean war and che
printers were raging-the latter over
the long diabolical combination of con-
sonants that made the Russian officers
names. When steamer arrived at
New York the telegraph would fire
these Internal hard names over the
wires until the tops of the posts We're
shattered to pieces. Sam Clemens used
to say that the operator never wrote
these names-when he came to hard
name he just took up pepper box of
black and shook it over the manu-
script. Sam was known to dwell for
fifteen minutes over q Russian name,
and then snatch a few Us, three as,
and then fencing them in with an he
would 90 ahead until the first galley
came around to allow him rest He
occupied a stand in the corner of the
room which had been christened Sebas-
tapol.
As we have said, Sam was lazy. He
had peculiar manner of drawing out
his words that was irresistibly comical
when relating q joke, and he was
eternally relating joke or something
''that reminds me Of But he was
good-hearted and gsod-natured and
much liked. One hot morning in June
Sam did not make his appearance until
about nine o'clock, when he ought to
have been there promptly at seven.
The foreman was excited and angry,
and as Sam came sauntering slowly
in, tanning himself with his straw hat,
Bailey said: Sam, if you can't get
here before this time of day you needn't
come at ALL" Sam leaned upon the
imposing stone with both elbows and
drawled out: "Well, John, guess |
won't come agin, It's too hotr' and
he slowly meahdered out of the COM
posing room. He got berth on the
river, became pilot and Mark Twain.
The world knows the rest. He used to
drop in occasionally when in port, and
on one occasion he insisted on his
brother Henry, who worked in the Of
flee, accompanying him down the river.
They were blown up and Henry killed;
but Mark with his usual luck escaped
uniniurnd