, 1878-02-22
Wit and Humor.

tonguc-hold II.
THE study of lass, alas cfteu oc-
rA..ous lass.siuds.
Why i an angry man like a camel t
Because he has bis back up.
However hard the times are. lazy
people are always sure Of their loaf
Why /, % spider good correspondent
Because he is apt to drop line by every
pet.
least be knows hoS to make good
fntLe.
As SION as man gets perfectly IA.
miIisr with his own name he writes II 90
nobody can possibly read 1t.
81 THINK our church will last a good
many years yet, said waggish deacon
10 his minister. 81 see the sleepers are
very sound
TornET has dropped out of Mr.
Beechers theology. He says he hasn't
any use for one himself. And yet he
seems to be cheerful.
An exchange says: "Don't tell mar
ried man any joke ON the boys, for he'll
tell his wife, his wife will tell her sister,
and her sister will tell the rest of the
girls"
A MISSIONARY among the Indians writes
home that during the service the other
Sunday he counted "tiye asleep and
twelve dozen" That was one gross i'm
propriety.
The Chicago man who undertook to
eat forty quaiIs in forty days, has
quailed, breaking down on the sixteenth
day. lie says he don't want to die in
that way yet.
"THAT Husband of Mine" has made
fifteen thousand dollars for Lee & Shep.
ard, and good many wives are wish.
ing their husbands would go and do
likewise for them.
ONE of the written questions at a
recent school. examination was: "What
is a relative pronounW One of the
answers was at is pronoun that tells
You about your relatives"
A wELL-KNowN professional, not re.
nowned for politeness, saw an Irish arti'
san waiting in his hall. "HeIlo, you
fellow, do you want me9' "No, yer
homer, am waiting for gntleman y
"MY experience at school" said an old
Judge, "was good deal like a horse
railroad" "HOw's that2' asked friend.
"Why," responded the judge, there
were frequent Switches and an occasional
turnout"
AN atheistical physician, wishing to
annoy bashful young Clergyman, said,
allow was it that the pstriarchs lived to
such an old age2" II guess it was be-
cause they never took any doctors stuff, "
was the reply.
HAWK BURLETTE, Of the Bobington
.Birdeye, will lecture tomorrow night in
BROOKLYN on the OscillatiO Of the Hir-
suite Ornaments of the Face. Go over
the ferries and follow the crowd. You
can't miss him.
A WITNESS, on entering the box, had a
Testament presented to him, but he de.
clined to be sworn. Being asked his
reasons for refusing, he naively replied
"Ill tell lie VII ony mon i England,
but I'll not swear to it,"
A REGULAR Hercules was brought be.
fore justice Of the peace for assault.
"Have you any one to defend you2'
asked the justice. II Can defend my.
self" cried the prisoner, and selzing a
chair he cleared the courtroom.
The late Sir George Rose, the dis.
tinguished and witty English lawyer,
was overtaken by II friend one day, who
said to him. 81 thought it was you walk.
ing so fast" "Ah! you know the rose
by the stalk, do you9" responded Sir
George.
"WHAr do you charge for quart OF
your milk here2n asked man, as he put
his head in the door of mik.sEop.
"Ten cents" was the reply. "Haveu't
you any for six centsN mo, but we
can make some in few minutes" said
the proprietor.
A PARIsIAN fished man out of the
Seine, and soon afterwards found the
same man hanging to tree. He let
him hang, and to an officer who asked
him why he didn't interfere to prevent
the suicide, he said because 1 had
just fshed him out of the water, and
supposed he had hung himself up to
dry"
EeGs sell in Maine for dollar and a
half dozen. In order to give them
this value the shells are first perforated
with two holes, the original contents
blown out, and the vacant space filled
with whisky. All on account Of the
Maine law. Another dodge is the patent
faucet, which turned one way yields vine
gar, aud the other way ale.
THE FIRST THING TO BE DoNE.-A lit
tie girl down in Maine was listening
with much interest to the story OF
.Jonah When the ruestion was asked,