The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1878-03-02
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
good conscience is to the soul what health
to- the boiy. 1t preserves constant case
aI serenity within us and more than counter
nls all the calaInities and Affections that can
4. How many OF you are there?'' asked a voice
o. an upper window, of a serenading party.
9Our, was the reply. % Divide that amongst
ou'' SAID a voice, as a bucket of slops fell,
Hike the gentle dews from heaven" on those
meath.
a Dutchman in Canada was relating his mar
elOus lpe from drowning, when thirteen OF
r conn Ons we're lost by the upsetting of q
E ~! ne lone was saved. 'And how did
sou e. fe q n their fate?" asked one of his
hearer. g It'd not co in tie same pote," was
tne Dutchman's placid answer.
BDi- huntington, in his new book on 50 The
u Nrlu. Things of Divine Service" sides with
ta eE DR.. BeVan on coughing in church, and
b. E CT-t people who cannot refrain from cough
M oug ht 70 stay at home. He brands the
chureh--0ing baby a nuisance, and maintains
thai ir a It's mamma ought to spend Sunday
almost where rather than in church.
a prominent citizen in a neighboring village
trecentiy died. A neighbor who knew him we'll
reported lis deeease at this Office, and told the
reporter he Ight to say something handsome
fabont hin 'FGood man, was he?'' suggested
the reporter. - l should say he was,'' was the
enthusiasta reply. s. For a left-handed man,
your I'D sv better"
tie was graduate of Harvard, and he got a
posi- o- ne of the Philadelphia dailes last
week. be Z that stuff of yours down." said
fhe cii :, as the man came in with
seolumu Wier a stick only was required. So Do
you mean q udicious elimination of the super
fnoUs phras -logy?' mildly returned the Har-
wrd man. No boil 1t down ~ thundered the
.eity editor he new man is gone now-gone
'bnck q Boston. He says there amt " cultuah"
enOug!r in Phiiadelphia. Philadelphia Press.
at Is imr5ssible,' remarked lover to his
Sweeyheart, % for me to spell Cupid" t Why
p she Innocently inquired. s. Because he
answered, Then L come to L can go no
further
Good gracious, what is that, Seth ?'' said
Mrs Spicer IS 4 fruit pedler drove past at A.
T., bowling, Here yah: Here y-a-a-h! peechiz,
fipe peechiz ~ That's, my DEAR said Spicer,
a. ig his head into the pillow for q
final nbp, s. that's peaches and scream
The exploring party struck the store where
pr sse,, to, trade for his -four and beans at
Mycenas fie other day, and found the Trojan
uonarch,s pass-book, showing that his account
was behind BY SO drachm@. DIR. Schlieman says
this arouses al the grocer passions OF his nature.
When he invited her to marry him, she gazed
into his face and tenderly inquired if he knew
What costly hing he had asked fora woman's
life a wCman's wOndrous love. Four months
after the welding he climbed through the scuttle
on to the roof, and when neighbor came with
Il In Ider 90 IKE him down, he put it to him, as
n fellJw-crea -ure, whether it wasn't mans
d. -r when a woman rose up after him
with F-- tea-kettle in her hand NOrtuich
C.lE
Ken uckv mas ways of her own. SO William
Doolev, N amateur detective in search of two
cattle thi gs= found them at church, at White
S-'rH+ ], whereupon, pistol in hand, he
informed tie preacher and congregation that
,bey wer. al under arrest While everybody
Ilooi-l s=t0nished he picked out his men. march
''-- Of the building at the muzzle of his
W. turning on the step, shouted to
PIE mIr5-z- that he could go on with the bene-
|6ic,-5l. - Detroit Free Press.
One 0F ta- leading New York weekles has hit
upon hlpIy plan for disposing of people who
ant t. talk the editor to death. Upon entering
th5 oihcs tn visitor sees in the glass partition
before i'm four windows, with silver plate
over each One is inscribed So Book-keeper,''
another advertisements, another '' Subscrip-
.io1s, nd last, but not least, the fourth is
| infcribet - For Bores." Any stranger showing
-lsPosi ION to neglect this strong way of put
ting the n ter is referred to the fourth window,
here sEeaking-tupe, running down to the
cellar and thence up to the roof and down
''a'n 70 an opening close to his ear, is at his
Ibe or not tube? That is the ques-
next asks himself He generally
to the orifce, yells out, 50 Is the
Ing and starts back affrighted as the
e.l- themselves in his left ear. He
y' n, and again the echo is repeated
p 4- ks sheepish, smiles sickly smile,
marx That's pretty good thing" slides
X Of {. lOor and downstairs before any one
nov 8 the matter with him, and never
comes .ya
In NS CoAcHMAN.-The boy should have
J. nc D. .er at his age than to let out family
&c q but he felt grateful to the other boy for
ne use p his stills, and he softly remarked
" Father wasn't home, all last night, and he
iasn G. home yet.'' 80 Gone of?'' queried
the oUn-I of the stills. s'He's down town
s5revlrr we expect and says she amt
golrs 20 4 after him if he don't come back for
N nth g Did they have fuss?" ''kInder.
10 see g had to let the coachman go, cause
It lard ines, Yesterday afternoon ma wanted
? o "a up and drive her out in style. lie
kis q ut inst; but when she got mad he caved
ll aad Lze1 himself up so you couldn't tell him
ilo-l q 1lar darkey. When no drove around
y" "i=d him Peter, and ordered him to back
u END % ahead and haw and gee around, and
n' Up IN his ear and drove back to the barn.
1hs.s d--l came off him like lightning, and he
y" 20 mad that he didn't stay long enough to
4 wash tbs black off his ears "And what did
e y-tr ~ say?'' asked the other Nothing.
SIC II little sad around the mouth, but
s him to 1t if it takes all winter. He
sell como home and begin to learn how
&, hnE1 rk''