River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1878-08-08
Humorous Items.

A hare-holder-A pillow.
The first tanner-The sun.
Evening prayers Burglars
A soft's nap-A noodle asleep.
An ice thing A polar expedition.
In writing, millers use foury language
A clear case--jumping bail-bond
The early swimmer catches the cfamp
What is home without muth there
Bootless attempt Trying to go bare
/ foot.
To make a man feel sheepish Liam
him.
War 10 inevitable. Marriages still con
| finite.
4 fool and his fathers money is scor
parted.
Wigs, In the language 5f flowers, arr
lielocks.
The path OF duty Through the Gus
tom house.
Railroad depose- Turning out the SUI
perinten9ent.
The 'orelunners plauge--A mos
quito's legs.
Motto for hot nights-Learn TO lay pare
and to wait
A case of suspended animation "A
man with braces n.
IF man "means business he should
have business means.
The man isn't very hungry who AYERS
that he is above board.
Sitting Bull, his evidently taken TO In
dianeering. Lo,ceu Courier.
Why didn't "Japhet in Search of .
Father''go to Bag dadl
The soda fountains motto should be
Business sizz business"
Motto for new hotels Charity covereth
multitude of boarders.
When married men complain OF being
in hot water at home, it turns out hall
the time it's sc6ld.
A West Hill man calls his horse Thine,
because when he Is Stintied" he ''waits
for no man..
The discrepancy between pepper and
good soil is: One is ground fine, and the
other is fine ground.
Take at least one good look at cocoa
nut. young man, before you have your
head moved and sandpapered.
The difference between goose and some
men is that goose never gets into hot
water until it's .lead.
IT'S no wonder, as critic recently re-
marked. that ''The Raven sayors of an
cient Greece. It's Poe-made.
Aggravating: To think of good joke
after getting to bed, and not able to re-
cal a word of it next morning.
A ninion OF the law seized Fanny
Davenport's tights at Scranton the other
dav. There was nothing in them at the
time, however.
There are beautiful warm soda springs
in Colorado. and people who go bathing
in them at once exclaim: 80! but this is
soda-licious."
Birds are entitled to justice. When g
man is indulging in a froic, to say he il
''out on lark" is a libel on that bird
He is ieally out on a swallow.
Who hath oe--who hath sorrows
Well, that Nevada man who traded {
mule for wife feels about as red around
the eyes as any of EN-.
An Independence (Kan) woman want.
a divorce because she was chlorcformeC
aid carried off and married to her hus
band two or three days before she knew
it.
The Detroit Free Press presents thu
| question, Are watermelOns healthy!
Much dcpends, we should say, on thu
teeth aud enterprise of the old gentle
mans dog.
The Troy Times asks "Should thu
President pass out would Samuel J. POI
| in2" The chances are that he would not
he has proved himself too much of pop
inlay.
us this Alright" inquired a man in
hardware store, as he examined stove
'No, SIR" replied the clerk; ''air ueve
gets tight" He lost a customer.
A Chicago CHAP adveTtises for severa
steady girls to help on pantaloons. Anc
an eDvious scribe says that fellow Wit
can't help on his own pantaloons ough
to be ashamed to want girls TO do it,
A man was killed by circular saw
and in his obitury notice it was stated
that he twas a good citizen, an uprigh
Christian and an ardent patriot, but o
limired knowledge in regard to circu'a
saws"
A Florida negro mlstook mule for
ghost and poked it with a stick. Tn
verdict recites that he came to his dealt
by using too short stick III probing tn
unknowable for evidence of future ex
istence.
At o'clock a. m. Tuesday the moo
/ 4 = L, 4 sf,r,X 30. hi
| the man In the former to hail the latter
get correct latitude and longitude, ex
change newspapers, beg a chew of fin
cut, and pass on.
A little girl was reproved fer PLAYING
out doors with boys, and informed that
being seven years old, she was ''too BIZ
for that now But with all imagina
bic innocence, she replied, "Why, tn
| bigger we grow the better we like EN-.
A prisoner was arranged to plead al
| Indictment fJr burglary. He said h
wasn't ready to plead, and didn't care Il
plead either way, adding, I'll tell you
Judge just how the matter hangs; If
| don't get bail tom, ROW morning In
going to plead guilty, and If do amt
See?
A subscriber asks "How &c scald ;
goose.n There are several methods
Perhaps tie best way would be to wal
until some evening when the goose rome
round to serenade your daughter, anC
while he is in the middle of g Sweet b,
and bly," pour kettle of boiling waite
on his head from asecond-storv window