The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1878-05-16
WHOLE NO. 1912.
Miscellaneous.
A drawing-room-a dentists Office.

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Motto for beautiful woman asleep
| Handsome is as handsome doze.
Artichokes are good for rheumatism,
and hearty jokes for dyspepsia.
Zone swallow does not make a spring.
That depends upon how hot the coffee is.
What is the only pane of which every
one m%kes light window-pane.
There isn't vegetable that can l>etch-
up with the tomato.
Go West, young woman. The popula-
tion of Arizona is in the proportion of one
woman to four men.
Railroads are built on three gauges
Broad gauge, narrow gauge, and mort
gage.
Indians are not at all contagious. They
are very difficult to catch.
To call a man an ass is a reproach, but
in Arabia in bewailing a lost friend, they
frequently exclaim, "Alas, my beloved
jackass ~
An Illinois grave digger, who buried
man named Button, sent his widow the
following bill: "To making one button
hole, 50 So"
He is the richest man who knows when
he has enough Elk. Then we are that
ristown Herald.
A Wisconsin man reports that he can't
find word in the dictionary, because
'the bias tied book hasn't got an index"
An Iowa woman put starch into her
husbands beer, thinking it was arsenic
and was surprised because it didn't stiffen
him.
Tom Thumb lends money at II per
cent interest. Being small, he thinks
he can squeeze into Heaven in the shad
ow of some ones elbow.
Scene in a railway carriage Fond
wife: Let me see your paper a moment,
dear" Husband: YES as soon as get
to the tunnel"
During the past winter a New Hamp-
shire woman has cut and piled twenty
three cords of wood. She wishes to be
known by her ak.
Jones moodily remarks that he always
keeps his word To which Smith sarcas-
tically replies "Of course you keep your
word, because no one else will take it,"
A German farmer disputed his tax bill.
He said: 81 pays the State tax, the coun-
ty tax, and the school tax but, by tam
pays no total tax. Is got no total and
never had any"
The Detroit News says: "There are but
two men in Bay City who are not candi-
dates for the position of city marshall
One is dead and the other is a wooden
Indian.
A religious cotemporary tells "How to
make a congregation sing" This is 60
ing to be pretty difficult task, unless
crooked pin is placed on each seat in the
house.
The momentous question of spring
bonnets. Browns wife zone word more
dear. Would you trim it with blue feath-
ers2' Robinson's wife: "Oh, l couldn't
decide at once Come to me tomorrow
and we'll devote the whole day to it."
The mother-in law has been attacked
in the New Jersey courts, where man
has had the courage to sue her for thir-
teen hundred dollar board bill. 1t was
contracted during one of the short visits
to see how Maria was getting along.
A few days ago Norwich man bought
chest of tea in Providence, and on open
ing it, found stone inside, weighing
nearly eleven pounds. He remarked that
the weighs of Providence are very mys-
terious.
A Houston, Tex, couple have been
married in photographer gallery, their
portraits being taken at the instant that
the concluding words of the ceremony
are spoken. The two alternatives made
a negative, as it were.
man in Illinois committed suicide by
drowning, lately, in six inches of water.
He couldn't have done it alone, but his
wife, with that selfsacrifcing devotion
and helpfulness so characteristic of the
sex, sat on his head.
A rural editor has lost faith in the
luck of horse shoes. He nailed one over
his door recently, and that morning there
came by mail three duns and seven
stops" and man called with revolver
to ask who wrote that articleY
1t is human to doubt Display sign
with the inscription Beware of paint"
and nine men out of ten will draw their
.orefnger across the newly painted sur
ACE to see if the sign is not merely IAN
INVENTION of the enemy" The tenth
nan never learned to read
An India rubber baby, that squeals
ike human infant, has been invented.
We don't know whether this fills long
elt want or not, but when it comes to
alling out of the third story window it
possesses one great advantage
,ver the flesh and blood article.
Silk stockings should be washed in
;old water with white soap, rinsed in cold
water, laid fiat on a fine towel, rolled
lightly until dry and rubbed with
piece of flannel to restore the gloss. We
gave her this Household Hint" and she
presently said: "Ah, yes, I've got the
oap and flannel and-cold water; but
where's the fine towel and-silk stock
ngs?'
A poor son of the Emeral Isle applied
'or employment to an avaricious hunk
who told him he employed no Irishmen,
For the last one died on my hands and
[ was forced to bury him at my own
charge" "Ah, your honor" said Pat,
up, "and is that all2 Then
you'll give me the place, for sure 1 can
get certificate that | never died in the
employ of any master l ever served
What we need in this country, says the
Times, is a kind of weather
that won't ruin the peach crop-a kind