Smyrna times., 1877-10-03
SDAY AFTERNOON, OCTOBER 3, 1871
Didn't Work,

The Chicago Times relates the case of al
Illinois man who noticed that the only
article which the baggage.smasher does no
smash is a loaded coffin, and accordinpl,
provided himself with a coffin made o,
| light cedar wood, furnished with nickel
plated handles, and a lid made to faster
with lock. In this commodious recepta
Gle he packed his quinine, his whiskey. his
other paper collar and all the yariou;
travelling paraphernalia of an Illinosan
and sent it under cover of night to q
| distant railway station. In the morning he
| dressed himself in black, placed a wide
weed around his hat, and, presenting
| himself at the station, requested the
baggage master, with an expression of ex.
treme woe, to check his beloved wife for
Chicago. The baggage master, though
hardened by years of trunk-smashinp. still
retained some traces Of humanity in his
| composition, and refrained from cursing the
mourning husband, although he firmly cx.
planned to him that dead wives couldn t
be played otf on him as personal baggage. y
and that the husband would either have
ito express his good lady or to send her
as special hrst-class freight But the in.
gemous llllnoisan persisted in his demand.
ne told the baggage master that he must
S-'+-NA N'4NNN tilOoC lCIlldiUS OF DC rCsDOnSI-
bic for their safe keeping until the decision
Of the lawsuit which he should certainly
BRING against the company. Alarmed by
this threat, the baggage master Welded
and checked the coffin for Chicago.
Twice during the Journey the hagrace
was shifted from one car to another. and
while dozens Of trunks were reduced to
spllnter5 the coffin was carried by six men
with the most tender care. Its owner
watched II from the window of the smoking
car, and chuckled in delighted way that
would alone have claimed him happy
W!dower. In time he reached Chicaro
when DOUBTS as to the success of his inyen.
uoh hrst began to assail him. The coffin
was brought to his hotel by local express.
man, who had been unwarily cntrappcd
INTO taxing the check, but who CHARGED
the owner four dollars, and compelled him
10 pay by threatening to carry his wife to
me nearest medical college and TO sell her
10 the students. No sooner had the ey.
pressman departed than the ingenious
IIHnolsan became involved in a DISPUTE
with the landlord, who refused to allow
the collin to be carried up stairs. We can
store your lady" remarked the landlord.
III me baggage-roOm, where she will be
perfectly comfortable, but it is against on,
rules to allow guests to have any remains
carried to theirrooms. Now the Illinoisan
was anxious to get his paper collar and his
qulnlne, but did not dare to open his coffin
IN public, so he tried his utmost to coax and
bully the landlord into departure from
the rules OF the house. The discussion soon
attracted attention and coroner, who was
waiting in the hotel in order to be on hand
IN case a few guests should be burned 10
death, promptly seized the coffin, and
!mpanelling jury, proceeded to hold an
inquest with that rapidity and energy
characteristic Of the Western people when
brought face to face with an opportunity to
OBTAIN oilclal fees. Great was the astonish-
ment of the coroner and his iurv whom
they viewed the supposed body. This as,
constituent on the part Of the coroner
himself soon gave way to anger when he
reflected that he could not claim fees for
holding an inquest on wearing apparel.