The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1877-05-24
Table Wit of Douglas JerrOld.

In repartee, JerrOld excelled most OF
his contemporaries; he was man of cheer
full nature, who loved to raise hearty
laugh, though the means were sometimes
misunderstood and misrepresented. A
jest's prosperity often reaches sore places,
and causes the hearers to vince; although
the Jester has not in his minds eye the
persons who take to themselves the fit
ting cap. Mr.. Blanchard Jerrold, in his
gracefully written life of his father, has
recorded the following instances of his
ready wit; they are fMll of point and fin
ish; still, in reading, they have not the
instantaneous effect the flash and fire
which none but those who heard them
could fully enjoy. The utter absence of
effort in their utterance, or conceit as to
their worth, was their great recommends
ton. Mr.. Blanchard Jerrold, loquitur:
"a dinner. is discussed. Douglas Jer-
rold listens quietly, possibly tired of din
ners, and declining pressing invitations
to be present. In few minutes he will
chime in, IF an earthquake were to en-
gulf England tomorrow, the English
would manage to meet and dine some
where among the rubbish, just to celebrate
the event."
"a friend drops in, and walks acr ss
the smoking-room to Douglas Jerrold's
chair. The friend wants to enlist Mr..
Jerrolds sympathies in behalf of mu-
tual acquaintance who is in want of a
round sum of money. But this mutual
friend has already sent his hat about
among his literary brethren on more than
one occasion. Mr.. IS hat is becoming
an institution, and friends were grieved
at the indelicacy of the proceeding. On
the occasion to which l now refer, the
bearer of the hat was received by my ia
ther with evident dissatisfaction. well,
said Douglas Jerrold, 'how much does
- want this time9' why, just a four,
and two noughts will, think, put him
straight the bearer of the hat replied.
Jerrold-'Well, put me down for one of
the noughts.'
Gan old gentleman, whom 1 will call
Prosy Very, was in the habit of meeting
my father, and pouring long pointless
stories into his impatient ears. On one
occasion Prosy related long limp ac-
count of stupid practical joke, conclud-
ing with the information that the effect
of the joke was so potent, 'he really
thought he should have died with laugh
ter Jerrold-I wish to heaven you
had"
zone of those young gentlemen, who
have recently emerged from the humblest
fortune and position, and exulting in the
social consideration of his new elevation,
puts aside his antecedents. Having met
Douglas Jerrold in the morning, while on
horseback, he SYSTEMATICALLY says to him,
We'll, you see I'm all right at lastr Yes,
is the reply, Il see you now ride upon
your cat's-meat.'"
"a stormy discussion ensues, during
which gentleman rises to settle the mat
ter in dispute. Waving his hands majes-
tically over the excited disputants, he
begins: Gentlemen, all l want is COM
mon sense Exactly Douglas Jer-
rold interrupts; that is precisely what
you do want The discussion is lost in a
burst of laughter"
"Brown drops in. Brown is said, by all
his friends, to be the toady of Jones.
The appearance of Jones in room is the
proof that Brown is in the passage.
When Jones has the influenza, Brown du
tifully catches cold in the head. ID. J..
to Brown: Have you heard the rumor
that's flying about townT NO well,
they say Jones pays the dog tax for
you"
douglas Jerrold is seriously disap-
pointed with a certain book written by
one of his friends, and has expressed his
disappointment. Friend-I hear you
said - was the worst book l ever
wrote Jerrold-'No, l didn't. l said
it was the worst book anybody ever
wrote"
"Of Nelson he would talk by the hour,
and some of his more passionate articles
were written to seattle the government
that left Horatio-Nelson's legacy to his
country-in want. 1t was difficult to
persuade him, nevertheless, that a man
did wisely in sending his son to sea. A
friend called on him one day to introduce
a youth, who, smitten with love for the
sea, was about to abandon position he
held in a silk manufacturers establish
ment, for the cockpit. 'Humphn said
the ex-midshipman of the Ernest, so
you're going to sea. To what department
Of industry, may inquire, do you now
give your exertions9 Silk briefly re-
sponded the youth. We'll, go to sea, and
it will be worsted."
How many horses suffer by the want
Of attention to the axles of carts and
WAGONS. We often see the wheels run