Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1877-11-14
News Hens
Quarrels would never last long if the
wrong was all on one side.


Quarrels would never last long if the
wrong was all on one side.
Be Philosopher; but amid all your
philosophy be still a man.
Sweet potatoes form the only diet in
many North Carolina poorhouses. No
wonder the people sing ''Over the hill to
the yam's house" SO fselingly.
Pugilists are generally gentlemen
Of elegant leisure. They car always
find an hour OF two to spare.
'Can you see me, dearest :,' said a
Chicago man to his dying wife. .sTen
me, can you see me 2" mo" she
family whispered, shut l can smell
your breath. !"
The other day mean man out 10
Western Iowa went off into a quiet
country place and died so quick that his
wife got his insurance money before the
company had time to fail. The presl-
dent says he never felt so swindled and
cut up since he has been in the BUSH
ness.
! God loves man when he refrains from
sin, the devil loves man when he per-
sisss therein the world loves man
when riches on him flow /; and you'd
love me could I pay what I owe.
''The recent financial depression"
has induced one. student, at least, to
eccnomize, as the following remark will
show: II say, chum, that pail of water
lasts well brought it last Sasur>
and to-day is Friday" Y
"Where are you goiugs"asked little
boy Of another who had slipped and fall
len on the icy pavement. "Going to
get upw was.sthe blunt reply.
An Irishman, to whom some wonder
full story was told on the authority Of
penny paper, declined to believe it,
saying he distrusted all he saw in
s'cheap prints" "Why shouldn't, you
believe the cheap papers, (" he was asked.
''as soon a. any other?" Because"
was the ready answer, 81 don't think
they can afford to speak the truth for
the money"
A Wateryille girl worked the motto,
II need thee every hour, " and present
ed it to her chap. He says no can't
help it; 1t takes him two hours to milk,
and feed the pigs, morning and night.
and business has got to be attended to.
Wit is not the produce of study; it
comes almost as Unexpectedly on the
speaker as the nearer. One of the first
principles Of it good temper. The A.
rows ofwit ought always to be fsathsred
with smiles; when they fail in that they
become sarcasms.
Five young gentlemen in Columbus,
Ohio, thought it would be good joke
to drive of with a team which a friend
had procured to give some young ladies
a ride. When they were taken into Gus
tody ON the charge Of horse stealing.
they concluded that there was moro
i'whoa" than s'wheel" in the joke.
They were what the world calls ZEN
gagged, }" and they were going to visit
some of her relations thirty miles dis
tant. Two railroads ran to the home OF
the latter, and the lovers were undeci-
ded which one to take. There is
long dark tunnel on the Q-road, isn't
there ?" she innocently asked. He
said there was. ''And none on the
H--line ?" she further inquired. He
said there was not. Then let US 60 BY
the Q-road," she softly murmared.
And they went.
: An Arkansas man who had an invalid
wife concluded to get rid OF her. He
loaded both barrels ola shotgun and at
tempted to shoot her in bed but the caps
only. snapped. Then he reversed the
weapon and attempted to dash out the
sufferers brains. The stock struck the
bedposs, the loads were discharged and
The two charges Of shot entered his
lungs. There were few mourners.
, he was tramp. As be watched the
pace his store with castdown
ewes. he shook bis head. Poor fellow"
said the tramp. 81 feel for him. Note
to pay. probably, and ten cents to DO 1t
with. All, gentlemen, fortune cannot
smile upon US all but I tell you, 1t is .
precious thing to know how you stand
avery Saturday night. All, -yes,"he said
with a sigh, shat poor fellows doomed
to bear burdens which we know nothing
Of. -,