The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1877-11-16
Facts andFanceIa.

The police of Reimar have forbid
den piano playing within the limits OF
that fortunate town except within
closed windows.
Never tell a man he's fool. In
the first place he won't believe you,
and in the second place you are apt
TO become the owner of q beautifully
frescoed eye.
( Tit for tat. To the white whale
sent over to the London aquarium was
fed a lot of cells. He ate them, and
when the post norton took place they
were found eating him.
"A little boy was asked the other
day If he knew where the wicked final
~ went to. Heanswered: They prac-
Lice law spell here, and then go to
the legislature.
why asked Pat one day, why
was BALKAN first class astronomer
The other man gave it up of course.
sShure,' said Pat, s'twas because he had
no trouble in finding an ass to-roid.'
The Rhinebeck Gazette has this
shot. Young man, don't scott at the
blue ribbon. If you wear one you
may get TO be president of bank and
have chance TO skip out with the
funds, with malice toward nome
"A street peddIer of tooth powder
has been arrested in Philadelphia for
cruelty to children. Itis alleged that
he applied to the teeth of boot blacks
and other small boys, substance
which whitened the teeth but quickly
destroyed the eAamel.
"A Detroit lady kept her little girl
home from school the other day on ac-
count of u storm, and the energetic fe-
orir
q pupil, without an am brella, through
the driving rainsto:A to ascertain the
cause of the absence.
| "A woman was dragging her trail
| ing. skirt out of q Memphis theatre. A
man stepped on and tore the expensive
| fabric. She did not turn and smile
sW eetly when he begged her pardon.
She struck him q singing blow in the
face and said, Take that, sen awkward
loater!'
| Probably most of our girls have
| feis so, but few of them ever had the
grace TO express il in this way: She
| frankly declared that the first time a
coat sleeve encircled her waist she
seeemed to be in q pavilion built of
rainbows, the window stills of which
were composed OF Il 'lian harps.
Professor describing an ancient
Greek theateF)-sAnd it had no roof,
Junior (sure he has caught Professor in
q mistake)--WTlat did they do, sir i,
when it rained p Professor taking off
his Eyeglasses ard pausing a moment)
They got wet, SIR
| A Baltimore councilman refused
i 10 vote for lamps in front of taberBa-
Gle until il was explained to him that
the tabernacle was a church, and not a
tavern as he had supposed.
1 Some 100000 pistols have been
made at Norwich this year Despite
the preparation and precaution, how-
ever, it is sale to predict that the crop
of lightningrod agents next year will
/ be IS large as ever.
-Dishonesty often defeats its own
| puI pose. This occurs very forcibly to
| q mxn when he eneaks down the alley
20 get . drink, and meets his pastor
Lust coming out of the back door, wip-
ling his mouth with tile back of his
hand. ssaE .Isss afasg
S---Minnesota's wheat crop this year
will reach the enormous amount of 49,
100000 bushels, Notwithstanding the
| faysges of the gHasslloppers. sS
/ The post-trader who went West
some time ago, ~ ith the 2vowed deter
minatiOn TO ssit down on the I'd In
Idians,' has just come home with
i Apache On the seat Of his pantaloons.
4 sMy son, would you suppose the
LORDS Prayer could beseDgrzyed in q
lapace ns.faFger than tiae area of q nick
Tel cent? SWELL, yes, father, If = cent
|, Is as big Ia every body's eye as it Is Ia
yofrs, Iathink there would be do Diff
lcnlty in putting is on about four times.
!. A gentleman. kissed lady s hand
lin 8, fik Of galIantry. She deIIberateiy
drew her glove or and dropped Il on
the fioor. why do you 90 t1att' hs
!! aaked. sob, she replied, q neYeEweal
I aoiled gloves and l, ,saii he, pick,
! ling e mp. and pQtting. it In the fire
Ideas like . ZEE. dirty things IRInf
about. 80