Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1877-03-06

The Chinese questiou-"How much do
you charge a dozen, John p
A Cincinnati fend advertises for men
with fever and ague to shake carpets.
A man who generally does n putty
good business - The glazier.
watermelons have come in Florida
Watermeloncholic piece of news Gin.
einnati Times.
A kiss on the forehead means rever-
ence. But there is no fun in IL worth
mentioning
A st. Louis grocer has even adulterated
his orthography. He announces "Bestt
and Chepest Buttr."
A young Philadelphian, threatened
with breach of promise suit, says
''Sue away. Contracts made on Sunday
amt legal"
The supposed reason why they call
9 sensational report 4 "canard' is be-
cause one canardly believe it, you
know.
The correspondents Of this city are
about organizing a club. The badge Of the
organization is TO be 4 cherry tree and
hatchet.- Washington Chronicle.
The Boston Globe nominates Honesty
for Vice President. We respectfully de-
cline.-NorriS,opn Herald.
History class Master-"who was the
most famous clergyman in English his
tory p Sharp boy (son Of an actor)-"The
divine, William
Il am going to the post-ofIice, Bob.
shall inquire for youY We'll, yes, IL
you have a mind to, but Idon't think you
will find me there"
Spriggins says he once prevented q
severe case of hydrophobia by simply
getting on a high fence and waiting
there till the dog had gone away.-EI-
change.
DR.. Hall says - Eat regularly; not
over three times day and nothing be-
tween meals" Tramps will do well to
cut this ont and paste it in their bank
books.
The Methodist Conference has sent
Rev. Mr.. kittel 10 Brooklyn-which is
appropriate when we consider that they
are always having stew there.
"My client is no more guilty of steal
ing that hog than n frog amt got no
! TAIL" was a young Kentucky lawyers
address to q Warren county jury.
"A Roman ictor," said Bates, whose
historical information comes by detail
, on the fly, "a Roman lictor! Well,
s'pose she deserved it. No one but the
Roman knows"
A student who failed TO pass in his
Greek history examination repudisted
with scorn the insinuation that he was
not prepared. He had crammed him
self. he said, so tight he could not get
il out again.
The chief difference between the nice
little Sunday-school boy and the nice
little Cannibal Island boy would seem TO
be that the former keeps q cent for the
missionary plate and the latter q plate
for the missionary sent.
The Massachusetts, man who was i'm
prisoned eight years for crime he
never committed hasn't been able TO get
shilling's reeompense. The Legisla-
ture decided that he was ewing the State
for board.
The eI-President Of the Conundrum
Club perpetrates another atrocity, viz
"What is that which no man wants,
which, If any man has, he would not part
with for untold wealth." "A bald
head"
Professor What. can't translate that
passage? You must be very ignorant Of
the simplest knowledge Of Greek.
Student I'm not as ignorant as you-he
coughed and after pause added-think
am.
Some day in the distant future the lit
tie negro in the barber shop who silently
holds out his hand for ten cents for
strikinga mans nose with his brush broom
will be laid away to rest and catnip
planted to hide the spot.
There's our jeremiah" said Mr.. Shell
ton, "he went off to make his own living
by his Wits" swell, did he succeed P"
inquired a friend. NO." said the old
man with sigh, and Significantly tap
ping his head, he failed for want Of
capital"
Curran being angry in debate one
day, put his hand on his heart, saying,
Il am the trusty guardian Of my own
honor" "Then," said Sir Boyle Roach,
"I congratulate my honorable friend on
the snug sinecure to which he has ap-
pointed himself"
you have considerable floating popu-
lation in this village, haven't your asked
q stranger of one of the citizens Of vii
lage on the Mississippi. "Why. yes,
rather" was the reply. "About half the
year the water is up to the second story
windows"
Discarded ulsters make excellent wraps
for parlor stoves during the summer
season of retirement TO the woodshed. The
litter, poker. shovel and other small at
tachments can be put in the pockets, and
the hood may be drawn over the urn
Exchange.
my boy, tell us what you know
about rattan9' said the Committeeman.
ut is sometimes called the Calamus Rot
tang, comes from Penang, Samarang and
Padang, and is used by the master in
this school too dang often"
When q young man has climed over
the fence into her backyard in order
tudl ue may lucIc huu HluSc duu Wdlcu
the light in her window, nothing pleases
him so much as to run against the clothes
line and discover that she only had one
pair of stockings in the wash last
week.
A Baltimore man while cleaning his
toe-nails in an open window few days
ago, fell to the ground and was instant
ly killed. This is no doubt terrible ac-
,ident, and yet there are people who
Will go right ON in the face of the facts