The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1877-03-28
WANTED--A WIFE,


was somewhat shy OF the Iair sex. How
ever, after spending the greater part OF
his existence in skirmishes with washer
women and clearinghouse keepers, he
thought il he only had a nice wiie-a
supertine woman-liIe might still hold
some charms Tor him; tnereupon he be-
gan to think over the list of his ac.
quaintances. Not having mingled much
In feminine society, he was surprised to
| lind that the number seven comprised
them all. After several agitating even
ings spent in considering the pros and
cons of each lady, he was no nearer the
desired end than when he first began.
AS q dernier resort, he concluded to
write the name of each eligible upon a
piece Of paper and place the slips within
his cigar-case; he would draw out five,
and the remaining two should decide
| his fate.
| 1t happened that chance favored Mrs.
Daniel Packard, a widow, fair, lat and
forty, and Miss Seraphima Driscoll, a
mature maiden OF thirty Eight summers.
Having arrayed himself in mis- best suit,
being further adorned with a button
hole bouquet, Mr.. Scr0ggins sailed forth
one pleasant evening bent on conquest.
He concluded to call OH the widow first
widows are conceded to be such charm
Ing creatures, you know-aG least the
relict Of the lamented Daniel was,
doubtless. No frills, nor furbelows, ON
her; and, to crown all, she must be a
capital housekeeper, as she had had eX-
perlence. Yes, it was better to consider
her attractions first. or course, she
would only be too happy TO become Mrs.
scroggins-and every one knew she
owned the house in which she lived,
and, in addition, "a moderate account at
| the bank.
| BY the time Mr.. Scroggins had finished
| these c0gitati0ns he lound himself az
the Widows domicile. Ringing the bell,
| a tidy maid servant ushereu him into the
parlor. While waiting tor the relict to
| appear he took an inventory of her sur
| rOuudings. WHAT simplicity combined
| with excellent taste Really, if that
was the portrait OF Mrs. F., how amiable
did she appear; but her consort failed to
impress one as fayorably; he looked
somewhat cross and gloomy. Well, ia
| DeZ had heard report somewhere that
the Packards did not live very happily,
owing to lack Of congeniality; OF course
The fault was on the masculine side Of
| the house.
His meditations were Interrupted by
the entrance OF Mrs. Daniel, who ex.
| pressed herself delighted to see him,
while indulging in tue mental sOlilUquy:
II wonder what brings Lnat old cnap
here?'
Alter spending an hour or 80 in de-
lighttul converse, Mr. Scroggins wended
his way homeward, thinking what
charming woman was Mrs. Packard,
and that the elder Weller was some
what nasty in his warning cDucerniug
that much abused class OF society known
as "VidderS."
Jabez felt that he had no time to lose,
remembering the ancient proyerb,
"Make nay while tue sun shines,' and
his first call was followed by series of
others. He could not afford to spend
time and money like the young tops who
irreYerently styled him "old fogy."
But that he migut not seem too pointed
In his attentions he thought it but fair
10 give the lair Seraphlma cuance
Actng upon the idea, he called upon the
maiden one Sabbath evening and H.
vited her to accompany him to hear the
Rev. SpOutwen. The gushing creature
gladly acquiesced, Tor, SAID sne:
81 DO dote upon the clerical brethren;
they are SUCH heavenly mortals; they
seem almost too angelic for this vile
EARTH"
''Ihat is pretty strong language, Miss
sell as good as any parson in the town.
"Dom'L ou think there are as good lay
men as preacuersW
"La! Mr.. scroggins, how you do
talk"
Chatting thus on their way to church,
Miss DrisCoil thought, "here'S a brand
to be plucked from The burning" while
Mr.. scrogglns came to the conclusion
that If this deyout creature should
happen to become The partner of his
weals and woes, he would, IN the time
between now and then, have TO mind his
p'5 ana as.
In her early youth Miss Driscoll had
loved, mot wisely, but too WE'LL" in con-
sequence Of which she considered her.
sell qualified to judge of the tender pas
sion In Its various phases. AT the pres
ent time she was interested in certain
dominle-more Jealous in good words
than Works-in fact, no less parsonage
than the Rev. Spoutwell; and, as a
proof oil her interest, no more earnest
worker could be found in the parish
than she. AS consequence our hero
found that he had more than he had bar
gained Tor in tue shape of sewing So
cieties, tea-drinkiugs, ana other meet
lngs Tor the benefit OF the parishioners,
TO all OF which he was pressed into the |
service as th9 escort OF the first direc- |
tress-viz, Miss Seraphima DrlscoIl.
JabeZ, after short session of such |
mild dissipation, began TO find it some-
what mOnOtonous, and Thought he would |
settle matters by popping the question |
to the "Vlude" before he was week |
older. AS if 10 facilitate his design, he |
found, upon his return home from busi-
ness one evening, a dainty missive, the |
"Jabez Scroggins" written unmistak-
ably by lady. Upon opening, he dis
covered it to be- an invitation from Mrs,
Packard to spend the evening, The fol-
lowing Wednesday week, at her home,
10 meet a lew fner personal friends.
"By Jupiter!' exclaimed Mr.. Scrog-
gins, GUST the thing! PIl fix matters all |
right now. Let me see," with medita-
tive air, (which will he the best way TO
ask the all-lmpOrtant question? l Won
der, does she admire the dignitied or
tender style? think Pll practic4 both:
the dignited style-ahem: My dear
madam, allow me TO express my ap-
proyal OF your many sterling qualities,
and, as a token Of my appreciation, now
that willneVer do; sounds
100 priggisn! PHI try style number two.
Guess ner CHRISTIAN name is Jane; never
mind, that will answer at present. This
Will sound better: 'My dearest Jane, you