Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-09

n Httle girl idea OF plane: thing
that scrubs snakes out of boards.
The man who keeps cool is happier
than, the man who keeps school. this
weather.
There are two things, says the Philos-
opher Billings, which always surprise a
man-twins.
1.-TWO to one amt fair is the cry of
the small boy to the young man with a
lady on each arm.
1t is probably some satisfaction to
mule to know that while he cannot soar
as high as the lark, he can sing just as
loud, and kick very much sorer.
A teacher, reproving youth for fist
cutting, said: 1--WE fight with our heads
here" The youth reflected that buttlng
wasn't considered fair at his last school.
An Indiana farmer who posted no.
tice reading: mo hunting on this farm"
was surprised to find it read, on second
inspection: "No. l hunting on this
farm"
"He is a man after my own heart,
pa" said Julia, reverting to her Angus
tus. Nonsense, replied old Practical !;
"he is man after the money your uncle
left you" And then all was quiet.
An acrobatic Frenchman claims great
credit for being able to "walk on the
ceiling with his head down :" but if he
wants to create real sensation, let him
walk on the ceiling with his head up.
When you hear mother calling to
her son to ''come and shut the shutter, 4"
and hear him respond, "it is shut, moth
er, and can't shut it any shutter" do
you ever pause to analyze the delicate
beauties of our language?
At Sunday school teacher asked a
little boy if he knew what the express
sion sowing tares" meant. "Courth /
do" said he, pulling part of his trous-
ers around in front, There's tear my
ma sewed feared it when l was sliding
down hill"
Let Turks delight to howl and fight,
for tits their nature to; let Bear and
Lion growl and bite, for madness made
them so. But Yankees, you should never
let your angry passions rise; don't quar-.
rel (: trade, work hard. lie low, and for
ward the supplies.
One of the Southern papers tells of 9
man whose life was saved by plug o.
tobacco carried in his pocket A pisto
bullet fred at him lodged in the tobacco
and the man was unharmed. Moral
"If you will use tobacco, don't take i
from your pocket"
Pussy was bound to possess the clam
Cautiously, yet earnestly. she went Il
work. First she walked round it, eye
ing it on every side. Then she poked i
with her paw, turning it round ant
round. The clam knew she wouldn't d
it, and he lay there and laughed in hi
sleeve. Then pussy inserted one of he
paws between the shells and rapid
withdrew it, watching its effect on th
objective point. Not muscle, however
did his clamship move. not so much a
an eyewinker. Emboldened by this, pus
put her paw full upon the coveted carcas
of the bivalve. The latter winked wit
! one eye, as much as to say. ''now ol
lady pve got you'll" and, bringing tho'
: two jaws of his together with snal
. held that cats paw with grip th;
filed her with astonishment. First can
a spit, then prolonged yell, then sp
and yell alternately, and a series
gymnastics that would have done hon
= to circus rider. She snaked that ella
( all over that yard. up against a doerste
between two fence pickets, and over
stone wall. But the clam meant busine
and wouldn't let 60. Finally the cri
and antics of the poor creature broug
10 two men to the scene, and by the
10 united efforts the grip Of the clam W
l0osened and puss released.