The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1877-10-12


Mr.. Thorpe is middle-aged widow
err, and some time ago he paid his adj
dresses to Mrs. Bolts, widow on the
shady side of forty. Thorpe i rich, and
after the widow accepted him, he began
70 fear that maybe she had taken him
for his money, and so he concluded to
test her TO ascertain II she really loved
him for himself alone. So one evening
when they were sitting together in the
parlor he said TO her:
Hannah, I've something unpleasant
to tell you, but am going to DO ii be-
cause / consider il right that you should
know it. Hannah, what would YOU say
II informed you that one Of my knee
pans i gone, and that have patent
hinge on that legP"
. 4 should say that care nothing for
that, my dear; have only one toe on
my left foot. The others were frostbit-
ten of, and the ankle il all twisted
around crooked"
lyon don't tell mel- said Thorpe.
"Well, but I've something worse than
that. might as well confess now that
the bald place on top Of my head is not
really my scalp; I've been trepanned.
have a silver-plated concern set into
my skull, kind of skylight. You can
lift it up and see down on the inside Of
me-"
"I'm glad you mentioned il, dear"
said the widow, for ii gives me cour-
age to tell you that haven't a hair Of
my own on my head. I'm a. bald rs
chandelier globe"
lis that so? Gracious! I never should
have expected it. But you will be
surprised to learn that none Of my teeth
are natural All false. and besides that
] have to wear an India-rubber thinga-
magig on my palate TO keep it from
dropping down"
~ am very sorry for you, John, but
it's some comfort that all my teeth are
false TOO, and that am perfectly blind
in my right eye. 1t looks ike good
eye, but il absolutely amt worth
cent"
"Great Heavens. Why didn't YOU tell
me Of this before?" exclaimed Thorpe.
"Bnt while we are on the subject, | will
say further that have chronic iorpidity
Of the liver. How does that strike
youP"
"Oh, don't mind it, said Mrs.
Bolts, ssbecause have been bilious and
dyspeptic for twenty years and besides
am one rib short. II was broken in a
railroad accident, and the doctor had to
cut il out. I'm subject to fits, too.
This is HORRIBLE said Thorpe.
"Mrs. Bolts, think you ought % have
mentioned these things to me when pro-
posed you. imagined that ! was
addressing a woman, q complete human
creature. But what are you, Mrs.
Bolts? Mrs. Bolts, you appear TO me TO
be kind Of dilapidatcd old wreck,
with not more'n half Of the usual ma
chinery about you. It's wonder to
me you don't fall to pieces"
" am no worse than YOU are. You
said yourself that you had trap-door
In the top Of your head, and gum
elastic palate"
Eyes, but these things amt true"
said Thorpe, 81 only told YOU about
them to see ii you really loved me. I'm
as soundas dollar; no inactive liver,
or silyer-platcd skull, or any thing.
But you seemed to be kind 81 strung
together, SOS II you should knock
against any thing you'd scatter All
around over the carpet. | think you
ought 70 let me off,
"Very well, sir, 50 | WILL But let
me tell you that I've got nothing The
matter with me either. only invented
these stories 70 try you, because knew
you were playinga game overme. Now
| know you don't love me. lou can 70,
sir.
Hannah, take il all back, DO
love you"
"Do you, rcallyP Then | love you
more than
But no; the curtain had better be
drawn right here. The cold and selfish
world has no business with such scenes
as this. They are to be consolidated
early next month. 49, FhiiddclDhia Bulic-