The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-11-10
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

'sThis," thought boy while being trounced
his fond papa, sis very like a whale"
Sure preventive of hog cholera-kill the hogs
before they get it.
The river has raised about three feet within zen i
days and is now in fine boating order'--H"''" ~
Journal
What did it "rasc" anyhow!
How can body be expected to support can
idate who cannot support himself-cxcept by
the aid of a lamp post?
Somebody saws every failure is step to sue
oess ~ This will explain why the oftener some
men fail the richer they bccome.-St. Josesh Her-
ald
When Virginia gentleman asks another to
drink he blandly says; Shall We give the pub
lie debt lift:' And they lift.
Aman out in Western Iowa has just been SEN
fenced to the penitentiary for ninctynine years
He thinks it the longest sentence on record since
Mr. Evarts lost his breath
Boston Commercial BullethE \ Newport gen
ueman named his race-horse "Deadhead.' Inc
result was that all the other horses passed
him.
Referring TO Haycs'S appointment OF welsh %
the English Mission, the Aurora Ae'rS remarks
We've lust found ont to what party President
Hayes belongs. II must be the surprise party
A little boy was asked the other day If he knew
where the wicked finally went to- He answered:
"They practice law spell here, and then go to
the Legislature"
We referred last week to the sad fate OF Mr..
Bates, of Vermont who dropped dead while car
ryng in fire wood. The paragraph ana not nave
gt ali the expected effect and over twenty Ro-
mans complain that they are obliged To carry III
wood by the cord now One man on Liberty
street detected his wife taking wood back To the
woodshed so She could make him bring II in
again.-RoHp .Sa,ti,d.
The man who was completely lost in thought
is discovered to have gone off on train OF ideas.
Answer to correspondents: Enquirer is in
formed that "ion>' does not stand for "honcst. "
II simply means honorable" Singular he
should have made such supposit0n.
eve have always loved YOU" says Grant I'M
every one of his speeches to the English. yes,
says the Detroit Fire. Press, with a great deal OF
ferocitv, " and we can do il again.
"What means this gloomy brooding
Reginald, my boy:
And does not matrimony
Bring with II endless joy?
We thought, when you were Neuurc,
That nothing could alloy
The happiness you'd gathered;
Speak, Reginald, my boy
Alas George William fcebly
spoke Reginald McQurl,
II am, o George, father,
And o, George! it's a 3iH. '-Jo,at San"
DR.. Won Bulow, the pianist, says; "If stop
practice for one day, notice IL in my playing; II
/ stop two DAYS, my friends notice it; If stop
three days, the public notice it, 1t Is different
with the Young man who practices down the
street. II he stops for one day, the whole neigh
burhood notices il, and feels like paying him i've
hundred dollars TO never begin again; If hc
don't stop for two days, the ncighbors ask the
police 10 notice it rs nuisance; and II lac don't
Stop for three days, they get down their shot.
guns and go cunning for him.-HdUEcp.
Hon. F. $. Lott of Kendall county, who served
= term in the Legislature, saw so much wick
edness there and became so thoroughly impress
ed with the necessity of he'll that the oycrpowcr-
ing conviction has driven him 20 seek q license
as Methodist preacher.
Ellsworth, of the Lacon Journal, has the cour-
age to allude 10 the partner Of his JOYS and sor
rows as "the lady who is very dear TO u (ilnan-
ciallyj"
The young lady who sent % cents and stamp
in reply TO an advertisement Of how to make an
impression" got for an answer, "sit in pan Of
dough-
"Olivia" saws the world is what We make it,"
Well, what do you make it, hearts or diamonds?
-Enctdngc
Burglar proof safes are a failure None has
vet been invented that protected the money Of
the depostors against the most dangerous of all
the various classes Of thicvcs-the bank officers.
Of course it was ST. Louis paper that got of the
following: When "thc boys want to express
their extreme impccunlosity they say: Pm
Chicago savings bank
says the Eningham Drnonat: The poem com
mencing, "Oh, wake, oh, silent Tyre We cannot
use. We have enough liars awake now, without
calling any more from their sleep. I.c; the dead
and beautiful rest. And the editor goes off in
another half hours snorc.
The report that Cleopatra needle was TO be
brought to Boston probably arose from the fact
that the city government voted to have great
sewer.
The Chicago IHt,r-Otodn confesse, TO having
lost s2ss, 69j in five years. The T-O., however,
neglects TO mention in which Chicago savings
bank II made its deposits
Edmund Yates Is bad man to pitch on in the
newspapers. He rctaliates by saying that his ac-
cuscr was first brought topubic notice by having
the Itch
The Rochester Doorch i, capable VI wicked
ambiguity when it says: The public will be
panied 10 hear that Geo. Wilkes, who /, in Paris.
has been seriously Inland has recovered"
The Boston baby show drew out 30 little che
ruts, but Wendell Phillips says they were much
below the average Of an equal number Of short
born calves at an ordinary agricultural show
Besides The Eiusc was inferior, and a. an i'm
proycmeni IN that respect a rat show is -us-
Scsted
The oldest female on rccord-Ann o. Domini.
y. !. Weekly. Not so. Ann O. Mundi aunty
dates her oma"crcad Adr,risr. 20 does Auniy