The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-09-01
VARIETIES.

baltimore city has $9,52O,OOO in
vested in railways
The most courteous portion of a
vessel-The bow.
The man who does business on a
a large sCale-The weigher.
Patti is to receive s., 900 a night
during her American tour.
The freshest wedding invitation is
couched on a single note sheet.
A prudent man is like pin; his
head prevents him from going too far.
The attendance at Saratoga this sea-
son is 20 per cent. less than last year
-Georgia's Constitutional Convention
has decided not to abolish the death
penalty.
The London Once Week talks of
widow ladies'" Did you ever see a
widow gentleman?
San Francisco has two French daily
newspapers, one ardently Republican and
the other Democratic.
About the only way we can see to
get the Indians whipped is to set them
to fighting each other.
-Galvanic electricity was discovered
by a woman, Mine Galvani, but her hus-
band gets all the credit of it,
The road agents of the Black Hills
are all infationists. They say what the
country needs is more money-in transit
Next to English sparrows, there is
nothing that increases faster than potato
bugs, unless It's the interest on an I'M
paid note.
Three good-looking young ladies
yesterday stood beside a grocer's sign
which read "Don't squeeze these
peaches"
"A North Carolina paper, quoting
from a New York exchange, says: " These
are words that ring with the welkin of in
spiration."
A Polander named Mazenski died
recently at Grand Rapids, Mich, of star
walton. His condition was discovered too
late to save him.
Gloves must not match in color For
eating strawberry ice-cream girl will
hold her spoon with a pink glove and
her macaroon with buff glove.
-" My opinion is" said philosophi-
cal old lady of much experience and OBJ
servation, " that any man as dies upon
washing day does it out of spite"
"A West Gardner Mass girl kissed
a baby so vigorously as to take away its
breath, and it was several hours before
the little one entirely recovered.
The average rainfall of Iowa is 4Gg
inches, being greater than that of any
other Western State Next in order
comes Indiana, with 1882 inches.
The City Collector of Boston adver-
tises $500 ''estates" for sale for non
payment of taxes. These represent
per cent. of the real estate of the city.
One of the most beautiful women of
New Orleans is now in an Indiana in
sane asylum. Her insanity, it is stated,
was caused by the use of enamel on her
face.
1t makes man feel as though he
had been dead three thousand years to
have q man come into the office and sit
down and say: When was at the Cen
tennial."
"A Delaware man, arrested for MUIR
der, proved that on that night and at the
hour of the murder he was at home whip
ping his wife, and this fact saved him.
y word to the wise is, and so forth.
What would Nevada be without San
Francisco? From Us that burlesque on
a State gets her newspapers, her provis-
ions, her clothes, her liquor, her faro.
boxes and her Senators.-tSaH Francisco
NajI
Teacher" Define the word ex-
Cavate.'' Scholar" 1t means to hollow
out" Teacher" Construct a sentence in
which the word is properly used" Scholar
THE baby excavates when it gets
hurt"
A medical journal gives the anti
dotes to number of pOisons, and adds:
"These remedies must be given before
the doctor comes" By all means. Give
the patient at least one chance for his
life.
When a tramp walked into a cloth
ing store and asked for new suit of
clothes on credit, and it was denied, he
solemnly warned the proprietor that it
was such conduct that was paralyzing
trade"
-" Them's bride and bridegroom"
says the imitation NIodoc to his associate
at Niagara; lets go and make EN- buy
this pinCushiou." And the ten-cent ar
ticle is sold for one dollar and seventy
five cents.
"A North Carolina man has invented
new spark -arrester, just as though the
old man yelling down stairs to the girl to
come to bed, and asking if that saphcad
intends to stay for breakfast, wasn't eff
fective enough. - BrOokojAe JeBersonidn.
A Massachusetts newspaper finds
consolation for the ravages of the potato
bug in the fact that it has caused the
farmer to pay closer and better attention
to his vines than usual this year, and the
result has been a largely -increased crop.
An exchange tells of "a little goose
of girl" who has sued an old fellow in
Michigan for breach of promise of mar
riage, claiming $4,000 damages. If
the "sweet little goose" gets the old
Michigander's money she will have .eath.
cred her nest very handsomely.
"A grocer being solicited to contrib
ute to the building of achurch, promptly
subscribed his name to the paper in the
following eccentric manner: "John
Jones (the only place in the town where
Won can oct eleven mounds of SMEAR for