The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-11-29

May the dear Lord spare her to US, We pray,
For many a long and sunshiny day,
Ere he takes to bloom in Paradise bowers,
This wee bit darling-tbis baby Of OURS.
....... - *
EVERY DAY SPICERIES.
DANBURY Meus: The frost on the
milkman's mustache chills the hired girl
to the core. -f..s. -
New YORK World: A new beatitude
blessed are the poor, for their wills
shall not be contested.
EAsToN Free Press: The great advan-
tage about a lean wife is that you don't
have to call in carpenter every time
she falls down stairs. es SIT
New YORK Herald 1t is about de-
cided that Colonel Ingersolps father
used to give him his religious views in
the Greco-Roman style. .sei-
NEW YORK Graphic: Mr.. Hewett says
the horn-of-plenty ought to be filled with
the juice Of maize, because that is a
horn which will corn-u-copiously.
Now paint your sled and mend your skate,
And dig your turnips. They are ripe;
Bring in the fowers-if 'taint too late,
Wind rags around the watcr-pipe.
| q xt uJttpNtC
New YORK Commercial: What's
honorw w asked Falstaf. That's easy.
Any woman who sits behind another
woman in church can tell what's on her
in two minutes.
EAsToN Free Press: There is nothing
that will knock the ground pinning
from under mans theological training
quicker than to walk against the edge Of
door in the dark. 5fs5s6
DAILY Derrick: We are not surprised
to learn that when Job had seven boils
on the back of his neck, he went along
the street as if he were looking for
thousand dollar gold piece.
WORCESTER Press Faith is sometimes
personifed as drenched female cling
ing to asea-washed rock; but better
personifcation would be bald headed
man buying a bottle of patent hair
restorer. 3Ss'e ID
BRIDGEPORT Standard !. Solomon tenn
pie stood four hundred and twenty-four
years, but it is hard tomake our children
believe in the glory of structure that
didn't have single cellar door to slide
down on. - 80
New YORK Herald: 1t was "a Boston
man who went home early in the morn
ing, and, meeting the sad, reproachful
eyes of his wife, apologized, My dar-
ling, think you'll be shorty for thish
when you git shober."
FUNNY Folks: Had him there:
Tourist Ito friend) AS to that, my boy,
one year / drank nothing but milk.
Friend-Indeedi I have known you a
long time, but I don't remember that.
What year was it? T.-My first.
BURLINGTON Hack Eye: A. man out
on West Hill kissed his wife by mistake
the other day, and for time the sad af-
fair threatened rupture of domestic
amity. But that was because, in his
apology, he explained that he thought it
was the hired girl. at.s
BRooKvILLE Jefcrsonian: Twas the
last fly of summer, at our pastecup
alone; down swooPed our bread hooks,
but the joker had flown. Tell US, ye
winged winds, that round our pathway
roar, would it have been surprising had
we sworn a gentle swore?
NECESSITY is the mother of in
yention: necessity knows no law;
| therefore the mother-inlaw is no
necessity Worcester Press. Yes, and
bread is necessity, and therefore bread
is the mother of invention; and gun is
invention, and, therefore, bread
| is the mother of gun, and the grand
mother of son of a gun.-Phitqdelphid
Bulletin.
On Cry DerricE " Take dat chalk
out OBJ ye' eye," said the driver OF
milk wagon to group of colored chill
dren on Cottage Hill on Sunday evening.
"Don't YOU dot, child'enp came the
voice of a fat negro woman who had
overheard the taunt from her position
on the back porch. "De low-ibed son
of a sea cook wants to put it in his
milk"
The sky is a drinking cup
That was overturned of old,
| And it pours In the eyes 01 naen
4 Its wine of airy gold.
We drink that wine all day
TIL the last drop Is drained up,
| And are lighted off to bed
/ By the jewels in the cup.
| NEVADA Enterprise. A youngster of
this town made drawing of a team and
wagon filled with boxes. He showed
his work to his mother, who asked him
what it represented. 1t is man
peddling apples" said the boy. But
where is the man % "Gone to a house
up the hill to see if they want any ap-
PIES" said the boy.
NoRRIsTowN Herald: The Lowell
Courier says that a great advance is to
be made in the game of base ball next
season. The ball is to be pitched with a
small rihed field piece. The next step
in this highly moral and intellectual
game will be cast iron batter and
catcher, and one patent man to run the
bases, all worked by steam. This will
permit the members of each nine to sii
on the fence and swear at the decisions
cf the umpire.
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin: "Curious
thing about thatstatue of Washington,
said old Smashpipes in musing sort Of
, tone, as he sauntered past Independence
!, Hall with Starlight, " Curious thing
Always shrinks when it rains, you know !
! "Don't say SO 2' said Starlight. /" Factl'
! muttered the old man. Every time il
= rains. it becomes mere statue-wet!
: And the old mans left thumb went un
: der Starlights fifth rib with tremendou
violence,
e LONDON has seen the lastof the Gre
:, morne Gardens, the famous resort a
: Chelsea, which took its name from tn
e noble owner who laid out the maze 0
: walks, and flower-beds and arbors whicl
It have attracted so many scores OF thou
5 sands of visitors for many years back
, There were unlimited opportunities 70
n the hungry and thirsty to obtain re
!; 4 freshments, not to mention the attrac
: l:tiens Of the great dancing platform, tn
rt mpaeso long conducted by Laurent, th
?! i fireworks. theatrical performances an
rope-walkmg, and all that: The owner @
Il the property, Mrs. Simpson, has re
6 solved to cut the land up into buildin
F., lots.