davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

AUSTIN (NEv REvEILIE: 1t will
affordGene Pleasanion considerable
qualification to learn that his blue
glass remedy is being thoroughly test
ed in this vicinity with eminently sat-
isfactory results. A friend of ours
was induced to place pane of the
material in the front room window,
and during that week the roof stopped
leaking; the blue rays vaccinated two
of the children and an importunate
creditor, while approaching the house
to collect bill, fell and broke his leg.
In another case where it was tried
the head of the family Informed us
that he played pedro all night without
being stuck, and his mother-in law
died the next morning. Among the
numerous instances which have come
10 our knowledge of the beneficial eff
fects produced by blue glass may be
mentioned that of the President of the
Sszerac. He carries piece around in
his pocket, and came very near going
to church once, and hhs only been
drunk twice since he commenced the
practice.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

A Scotch minister was somewhat
given to exaRgeration in the pulpit.
and wIshed the clerk, the next time he
did it, to give q cough by way of
hint. Soon after, he was describing
Sampson's ticing the foxes tails to-
gether, He said, "The foxes in those
days were much larger than ours, and
had teels twenty fuf long"
"Ahem!" came from the clerks
desk.
.sThat is," continued the prcsher,
according to their measurement; but
according to ours they were only fif-
teen fut long"
"Aheml" louder than before.
But as you may think me extrava-
CANT, we'll just say that they were ten
fut long,"
"Aheml ahem !" still more vigorous
than ever.
The parson leaned over the pulpit,
and shaking his finger at the clerk,
said, "You may cough there all
night, mon; III nae TAX of single
fut more. Would ee haze the foxes
wi. no teels at all?
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
AN EDITORIAL BEUrUs.

An editor out West INDUCES III the
following talk to his subscribers and
patrons. The famous speech of Bru-
tus, on the death of Cesar, as render
ed by Shakespeare, is made TO do SER
vice in this amusing travesty: "lIear
us for our debts, and get ready that
you may pay; trust us, VIC haye need,
as you have long been trusted; ac-
knowledge your indebtedness, and
dive into your pockets, that you may
promptly fork over. If there be any
among you-one single patron-that
don't owe US anything, then TO him we
say: Step aside, consider yourself a
gentleman. If the rest wish TO know
why we dun them, this is our answer !:
Not that we care about ourselves, but
our crl ditors do. Would you rather
that we went to Jail and you 60 free,
than that you pay your debts and keep
US moving? AS we agreed, we have
worked Tor you; as We contracted, we
have furnished the paper 10 you; but
rs you don't pay, we dun you. Here
are agreements for job work, contracts s
! for subscription, promises for long
credit, and duns for deferred pay
ment. Who is there so green that he
don't take a paper? Ii any, he need
not speak. for we don't mean him
Who is there SO green that he don't
advertise? If any. let him slide; he
ain t the chap either. Who is there so
mean that he don't pay the printer
Ii any, let him speak, for he's the man
| we're AFTER"
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

A GOOD old colorel man of St.Louis
set himself up the other day as phre-
nologist, and barber was his first
subject. lie placed the barber on a
chair, felt of his head for Il long time,
and then remarked: William, you is
too sanguine hen you tend money
20 expect il back. You are bilious.
You want to be honest, but you hasn't
the necessary character; yOu isn't
hopeful; you is bowed down with
grief most of de time you has an ear
tor music you has de worst feet on
Morgan street; you is de right sort OF
4 man TO wheel coal down hill for big
wages William rose up, pitche,iUn
Gle jim over the cook stove, and un-
der the bed, and split panel of the
door as he wen out. The aged phre.
nologist was at the City Hall the next
evening TO get advice from the police,
and when advised to go out of the
trade, replied: Seems like | shall
have TO for Use getting too aged to be
bumped over stoves
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

He was a blue-glass man. He had
read about blue-glass men, believed in
it, and was determined to be the
healthiest individual in town. Have
ye' any blue-glass in strips for win
ders p inquired he, as he rushed into a
glazing shop. We have SIR was the
cheerful reply; Just the thing as re-
commended in the Pleasant theory
wal, them said Bluey, 'I'll take
enough for four winders.' He paid
the money and departed, while the
glazier chuckled. Good thing for us
fellows, the blue-glass craziness,' Bluey
kept on. He went into an opticians and
bought pair of blue goggles to wear
on his eyes. He dropped into a hat
store and ordered . little round piece
of blue glass putin the top of his hat
IN place of the usual tin veutiIator, lie
then partook of . dinner of blue fish.
at restaurant with skylisht, dip.
ped his fingers into q bIue-gIass flu
ger-bowl. and refused to drink auy-
thing until the waiter hunted him up
. mug with blue glass bottom. The
day was now spent, and, going bonn
in blue-light street car, the blue glass
man, meeting his children at the door,
to kiss any but those having |
sat down in blue chair to |
read copy of the laws ofConnecticut,
md 60 int such fit of the blues that
be took some blue Ink and writing In
nis will that At bis death the glass In
,is coffin shonld be blue-glass, and his
be made of blue granite,
10 grabbed . revolver and blew ont +
lie braina-[N. Y. Mail. a. -
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
HOW BROWN MAKKIEs HIS GIRLS

Brown, L don't see how it is that
get old enough, while none of mine
marry.
On, that's simple enough, l marry
OIL my daughters on The buck-whcat
straw principle
sWhat is that principle! l never
heard of it before
well. 1 used 10 raise good deal OF
buck W heat, and it puzzled me how to
get rid of The straw Nothing would
eat il, and it was Il big bother to ME.
At last thought OF q plan. stacked
my buckwh heat straw nicely, and buili
a rail fence around 1t. My cattle, OF
course, concluded that il was some
thing good, and at once proceeded TO
lear down the fence and eat the straw.
dog ed them away and put up the
fence - few times; but The more auxi-
Gus they became 10 eat the straw, and
times the cattle determined 10 eat the
straw and, eat they did, every bit. O1
it.
And said, marry my girls of on
the same principle, When young
man that don't like begins Io call on
my girls, encourage him every way
l can. tell him to come often and
stay late. And | hint to the girls that
think that they had better set their
caps for him. Ii works first rate. lie
doesn't make many calls, for the girls
treat him as coolIy as they can. But
when a young fellow that like comes
around, q man that think would suit
for SON. law, he don't make calls
before l give him to understand that
he isn't wanted around my house.
Il tell the girls that they shall not
have anything to do with him, and or
der them never to speak 10 him again.
The plan always works first rate. The
young folks soon begin to pity each
other, and the next thing know they
are engaged TO be married give in
and pretend 10 make the best Of it.
That's the way manage it.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
STONES AS PAINTINGS


A South Africa traveller named
O1teiliy stopped one night at a Doors
house. lie found the children play
ing witha pebble that looked like a
diamond. lie bought it for trifle,
the Boor saying in was diamond,
they could get plenty more, and took
it away. lie sold it at the Cape for
$1,000. lie bought another from a
negro, which he sold for :s56, 600, and
then the natives began to search for
these stones where they had previous
ly seen them, aud white men heard of
their success, aud then the rush bcga,
One mine after another, all in the
same neighborhood, was found, and
round each mine city sprung up.
The last, and that which is the center
of the diamond trade, is Kimberley.
This city has ten thousand population
i've churches, two theaters, banks, ho-
tells and other buildings.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
WHY SHE DIDS.r HAVE A LIGHT.

Old Mr.. Thorp went into the par
lor the other night at the witching
hour OF III :45, and found the room nn
lighted, and found his daughter and a
very dear friend--one Of the dnal form
of garmenture variety--occnpying the
tete-a-tete in the corner. :" Evange-
line," the old man said, sternly, 81 this
is Scanlalous." Eyes, papa, she an
swered, sweetly, at is candleless, be-
cause times are so hard, and the lights
cost so much, that Ferdinand and
said we would try and get aloug with
just the starlight" And the old gen
lIeman turned about in speechless
amazemens, aud tried To walk out Of
the room through panel in the wall
paper-[ burlington IIawkeye.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

A touching instance of connubial af-
fection aud devotion occurred many
year ago, 'own in Sussex New Jer.
sey, an aged century of married life.
had wrangled and quarreled with each
other, were in all probabilities soon to
he separated. The old husband was
taken sick and believed to be near his
end, The old spouse came 10 his bed
side, and after carefully examining his
condition, exclaimed
why, daddy, your feet are cold,and
your hands are cold and your nose is
coldp stssFtsk
Wall let 'em be cold! ks
'Why, daddy you're going TO die
sWaal. guess know wot I'm bout!
why, daddy, what's to becum OF
me if you die p ~
Il dunno, an don't care! Wot !
want 10 know, is, wot's 10 becum of
me?
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

This time the smart composition
written is located at Terra Haute, Ind.
Subject, The Ok as printed in the
Album as follows:
Oxen ia a very-sits,v- -fniu7zf,- rfTEy
are good 10 break ground UP, wood
dralher have horses il they didn't have
kollick, which they say il wind collec-
ted in bunch, which makes it dan
gerer for 10 keep horses than an OK.
il there was no horse the people W bnld
have to wheel thare wood on a wheel
borrow twoald take them two Or
three days t0 wheel q cord mile.
Cows is useful TO. have herd some
say that if they had 10 be tother or an
OK they would be q COW. But think
when it cum to have their tits pulled
OF n cold morning they would wish
they wasn't, for oxen don't generally
have to raise caIve. if i he'd to be en-
ny would rather be a heffer, and he'd
to be both, wood be a OK
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
CASTORIA.

1t is a great mistake to suppose that CastOria
is not adapted 10 grown persons as woll rs Chill
dren. They only need Ia increase the quantity
But children have many complaints for
which Castora i adlpted-like Wind Collie.
Group. that it is especially recommended for
them.
It's effects are more certain than Castor Oil.
contains no alcohol and is as pleasan to take
honey. 1t never gripeS. BY regulating the
stomach and bowels the Ca>tOria coOlS the
blood. eXpels worms and prevents feverishness.
quiets the nerves and produces health-then OF
course. children can sleep in quiet nd mothers
can rest.
Castoria is recommended by all physicians
and nurses who have tried 1t. and it is having u
rapidly increasing sale. II is prepared with
great care after the recipe of DIR. Samuel Pitcher
OF Mass at the Laboratory of j. Il. Rose Il Co !,
46 Dey Street. New \ ork,
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

A clergyman was preparing his dis
course for Sunday. stopping occasion.
ally to review what he had written
and to erase that which he disapprov-
cd, when he was accosted by his little
son. who numbered but five summers:
'Father, does God tell you what to
preachr Certainly, my child, Then
what makes you scratch 1t out7'
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

"I guess dad wishes we'd all die
and go 10 heaven" said miser's son
to his maternal parent? "Why so 2"
she asked. upon recovering from her
astonishment. "Oh. cause Heavens
such a cheap place to live i'm"
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

The experience OF business man
Il always prefer dealing with rascal
to dealing with an honest man. With
the former you know what to expect.
but you can never tell what the latter
may be up to-"
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
JsFsEnsoN.s roLIrIc Al MAxIMs.


l. Legal equality Of human beings.
=. The people The only source OF le-
climate power.
:. Absolute and lasting severance of
church and state.
4. Freedom, sovereignty and indie
pendcnce of the respective states.
). The union compact-nither a
consolidation nor u centralizttion.
6. The constitution OF the union a
special written grant of powers, lin
i.ed and definite.
Z. No hereditary office, nor order
nor title.
8. No taxation beyond the public
want.
8. No national debt, il possible.
10. No costly splendor of admins
tratlon.
IL. No prescription of opinion nor
of public discussion.
II. No unnecessary interference
with Individual property or speech.
13. The civil paramount to the mill
tary authority.
IA. The representative to obey tie
instructions of his constituents.
15. No favored classes, no monopo :
lies.
16. Elections free and suffrage uni
versal.
II. No public money expended tx-
cept by warrant of specific appropria-
ton.
Is. No mysteries in government in
accessible to the public eye.
10. Public compensation for public
services, moderate salaries and pei
vading economy and accountability.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

Do you understand the nature of
an oath Z" a juryman was asked in a
St. Louis court room. "Of course l
do" was the reply. do you mistake
me for a. member OF the Electoral
Commission ?''
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
CENTAUR
LINIMEN rs.

The lame can he heald and the wounded ma
whole. we now know just what the Centau
Liniments will do They will not mend broken
bones cure Cancer, but they will extract
soreness, afiay pain, cure rheumatism and Il
larger range of flesh bone and muscle ailments
than any article ever before discovered,
scientific skin cannot 90 beyond the effects OF
these remarkable preparations chronic
In rheumatism OF many years atanding, Neu-
raigIa, Weak-Back. Fever Sores. weeping
Sinews, SciatIca. Cakcd Breasts, Disturbed
joints and Sprained Limbs of the worst kind
III cured by the White Lentaur Liniment.
IT, will destroy the pain and heal without
scar all ordinary Burns and Scaids. twill eX-
tract the poison of Bites and otings, and the
iiost from Frozen Limbs. II is very efcacions
for Ear ache, Tooth ache, Itch and Cutaneous
EruptiOns.
Mr.. Josiah Westakd, of Marysville. o writes
"For years my rheumatism has been so bad
that have been unable to stir from the house.
The first three bottles of Centaur Linimcnt ena-
bled me to walk without my crutches. l am
mentiing rapidly. think your Linilnent SIM
ply n marvel
G.. II. Kenneth Druggist. Rock Prairie. Mo.
writes:
ssCentaur Liniment sells better and gives the
best satisfaction of any thing in the market.
What the Centanr LinineEt has done for 9TH
it, will Ito for YOU. II is handy, it is reliable,
and il is cheap.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
Draft-Horse
SIR WALLACE.

After large amount OF time and expense 1
have succeeded in getting in my possession a
horse Of rare combination, having very fair ac-
bright bay with black points; tail heavy and
sweeping the ground q beautiful head. ear fine,
6orehead broad, eye large and expressive; lofty
crest, from which falls . mass Of silky black
name shoulders nicely rounded body clean 5
per. BY examining II of his get satisfied my
selfof she unerring certainty with which he
transmits these quxlities to his posfer1ty has
and Will earn for him y place in the popular fa-
yor which none can dispossess him Of.
SIR WALLACE WAS foaled June 26th: 1871,
stands 16X hands high. will weigh 400 lbs. or
over; was sired by an Imported English Draft
Horse. Further Pedigrec with horse.
Those desiring to raise horse to keep. or
which will command high price in the mar
ket are cordially invited TO visit my place. two
miles Eaet 81 Ravenna Village. where Sir wal
lace and the sLexington Colt, ANDIE, will be
hopt through the season or 1876.
'9s1TsE ] Il. CHRISTY.
Rave ana, Aprtile. lsp. sse-H.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

BRIGHAM louNG, JUN, is to pant a
colony Of 800 Mernons in the Mexi-
can State of Sonora. Last spring a
Reconnaissance wss made by agents O;
the Mormon Prophet into Arizona
WITH tTt purpOse6T permanent settle
meEt there, and q number OF families
from Utah have since settled in that
Territory. There is a chain OF Nor
mon villages extending from Bear
River south ward TO Arizona.
The resources OF Utal, are insufficient
to sustain so large Il population as
their hopes and ambition lead them to
anticipate. The bleak and barren re-
gion of the north of SAT- Lake pre-
sents no inducements.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

is worth lis weight in gold to owners of horses
and mules.
This I.iniment has erred more SpraIned,
Sweenieti. Ring -boned. and Called Horses In
than have all the Farriers in the country in an
age Its effects are >impiy wonderful
We have thousands upon thousanos of certid-
Gates strong rs the following:
"My horse WAS lame foi year with q ietl0ck
wrench All remedies failed to cure ami con-
>id-rei him worthless until commenced to use
Centaur I.inilnent which rapidly cured him.
heartily recommend 1t.
REV GEO. w. FERRIS
''Manorviiie, SchOharie Co. n. T.''
"DEAR SIRS-I have used your Centaur Lini-
mcnts in my family. and lind it 10 DE Of great
value ii.a>c send me two 'lOllars worth. one
for the mui and horses RILEY SiCkEES,
FALLS ~rAriON, WYOMING. Co. Pa
1t makes very little difference what the ease
is wlie.har j. ID. Wrench. Sprain. Poll Evil.
Ringhon-, Scratches or la,nenes> of any kind.
the effects the same. Liverymen. Stage pro-
prieIors. Farmers. &C.. should never he without
the Fellow tentaur i-iuimeut. 1t is sold every
where, and warranted in its effects.
Labratory of j. Il. Rose i Co.,
IL DIZZY ST.. NEW YORK.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

WHEN Blaine dined with Evarts and
Schurz the other day, Mr.. Evarts was
the first to speak. Said he: "Will
the gentleman from Maine conceive
temporarily the propriety of indulg-
ing momentarily in the contemplation
OF the cimInerian portion of this SUI
periine aquatic fowl with Il view to the
solution OF the problem as to whether
he might without detrimcnt TO his in
terror organic ltion partake with con-
ditional--@ But here blaine said he
would, and Mr.. Evarts, smothering his
Indignation at the interruption. allow
ell The dinner to proceed, aliunde,
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
SOME FUNNY ApvERr1sEMENTs.


Below will be found some of the
oddities of advertisements:
Two young women want washing.
Teeth extracted with great pains.
Babies taken and finished in ten
minutes by country photograper.
Wood and coal split.
Pianoforte-cottagc-scven octavcs
the property of a lady leaving Eng
land in remarkable elegant case on
beautiful carved supports.
Business chance-to be disposed of
"A genuine fish business in the west
end.
Does the genuineness apply TO the
fish, the business, or the way they are
fried
And ones mind gets hopelessly
dazed over the advertisement of run
away, which furnishes this valuable
hint for Identification
= Age not precisely known, but looks
older than he is
Or the notice OF the shoemaker who
puts on his door:
Shall be back in ten days from the
time you see this shingle-
Some, however, leave u loophoIe
for doubt.
Babies after having taken one bottle
OF my soothing syrup will never cry
any more.
An editor, putting alright collins,
said:
Any person having once tried one
OF these air-tight collins will never
use any otfier.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29

original color, q0ith tile gloss and
freshness o. youth. Thin hair is
thickened, falling hair checked, and
badness often, though not always,
cured by its use. Nothing can re-
store the hair where the follicIes are
DESTROYED, nr the glands atrophicd
and decaycd. But such as remain
can be saved for usefulness by this
application. Instead Of fouling the
hair with a pasty sediment, it will
keep it clean and vigorous. Its
occasional use will prevent the hair
from turning gray or falling OFF,
and consequently prevent badness.
Free from those deleterious SUBJ
stances which make some prcpara-
tions dangerous and injurious to
the hair, the Nigor can only benefit
but not harm it. If wanted merely
for q
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
Blacksnaithing.

d #. BOOsIN0ER continues the bus in IS
de- of Blacksmithing in all its branches, at
the old stand, on the alley east of Court House
Park. Special attention paid 10 Horse-shoslnr.
Ravenna. Oct. 33. 1876. 426-tf
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-03-29
Ayers
H0aa' Vlgor,
For restoring Gray Hair TO
its natura! Vitality and Color.

A dressing
which is at
once agree
able, healthy,
and etIectual
for preserv-
ing the hair.
Faded or gray
'hair IS soon
restored to ats
, 1877-11-10

refined culture than John Bright.
He has shown quite as much ma
tive ability and has enjoyed as
good opportunities as Amos
Lawrence, who creditably repre-
sented this Government at the
Court of st. James, of " HON Ca
leb Cushing said: Ellis chief
ability is the ability to pay his
way" If Mr.. Welch had no
other ability than that, he GER
tainly would not have been Sc
lected, where no party politics
were involved, as the head of
the financial committee of the
Centennial Exposition; a position
quite as important as that Of
cabinet. The comparison be-
tween John Wclch and Simon
Cameron is that Of Hyperian
and the Satyr, and fairly illus
trates the difference between the
systems Of party spoils and civil
reform.
, 1877-11-10

A VERY rapid. safe and easy way
to make money, is to procure terri
tory to introduce the latest useful in
vention that is wanted every day, by
every one, everywhere, who has .
not a full sized sewing machine,
with table and treadle, for only
Eighteen Dollars,
MANAFACTUREO By THE PEERLESS MFa
co. OF PHILADELPHIA,
does the same work asa machine you
pay eighty dollars for, rapid, smooth
and firm work, and makes seam 50
strong the cloth will tear before the
stitches rip apart. Agents only need
show them in operation to sell in
every house they enter. Thirty dol
lars and upwards cleared daily by
smart agents. No such machine
was ever offered at any such price.
HIGHEST AWARDS AT CENTENNIAL Ex-
HIBITIoN. THOUSANDso OF FAMILIES
USING THEM
Demand increasing every day
where they become known. Min
listers. judges, lawyers, editors tail
ors, machinests. &C., reccomend
them perfect. Rights given free to
first applicants. If there isno agen-
cy in your pldee write for it or buy q
machine for your family or relative,
there is none better or so cheap.
Machines sent to all parts of the
country, on receipt of price, $1s.
Read advertisement beginning.
ied&w1y