The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1877-01-20
FACTS AND FUN.

How can man be crooked when he Is
traightened-tinanciallyf
The nrst thing we know Russia will
take the longest Poland knock the most
Persimmons.
| Tie Gardener's Club banquet, in New
| York was avery select affair. No rakes
were admitted.
Denmark has as. good a. railroad as
any other nation. The cars run, off the
track ana kill folks just as nice as can
| be.
/ The way the King OF the Sandwich Is
lands carve5 chicken Is to take hold oil
both legs, draw long breath, and pull
for all he's worth. -rU ..s =. =.
| When Richard A. Proctor says the sun
is tn danger OF burning itself up, ne ap,
peals directly to the selfish interests OF
| the gas companies.
I The Boston Globe has dispensed with
the hyphen in tomorrow, This is run
hing the, day together as old women
strilgdried apples. IT.
| Mrs. Fletchers new lecture asks:
tHWhy don't you laughW Because nc
| man hath tiekled the soles Of Gun fe ct.
Ask us a hard one. .a.. .. .
Four ladies were elected to the Lon
| don School Board at the last election /:
among them is Miss Taylor, John Stuart
Milps step laughter.
Down in Southern Indiana they mix
capsicum with peor whisky, add a little
| lime-water, and the decoction lifts the
| happy drinker right over fences.s
Anecdotes OF millionaires all remind
us that to. be witty a man should be
| rich. There are too many threadbare
jokes, with puns out at elbows.
The servant girl trouble has not been
agitated for a long time. This may be
on account of the hard times, when near
| ly every housekeeper is her own servant
| girl.
"The Single SOUL Racew exclaime d
an old lady, as she laid down the morn
ing paper; "my gracious! didn't know
there was a race OF men with double
skulls"
And now buried cities have been
found in tue SANDS Of the Cobb Desert,
The wonder is, how, for centuries, 30
many people could 20 by and not see
them sooner.
A Tennessee girl took her solemn word
that she'd either take the ireckles off
her face or take herself out OF the world.
The ireckles stick. All the neIghbers
say she was girl of grit.
This is one Of those old-fashioned, or
thodoX winters, when the coal-yard
men sannter along the streets with big
Ulster oyercoats trimmed with iur, but
toned up to their ears, while the ice
cream men shin along the streets in
linen busters, with their gLoveless hands
rammed into their trowsers pockets up
10 the elbows.
Old Mr.. Bledsoe, although he is very
prOfane, wicked man, looks very youth :
full for his years. One OF his neighbors
remarked to Mrs. Bledsoe the other day,
"lhe old man is wearing well, isn't he ?o
"Oh, yes" replied the good woman, she's
swearing we'll enough as it goes, but
considering the opportunities and prac-
ice he's had, he might put little more
polish into iL."
John Burroughs, in the Galaxy, says
"the long, sonorous lowing Of COW on
the hills or along the highway ia az
pressiYe OF kind OF unrest and vague
lOnging-the longing OF the imprisoned
as for ner lost identity" Ya-as; it's a
very specific longing for garden gate
with vague latch; a yearning tor far
mePS wagon with the end gate out.
Guess again, Mr.. burroughs.
A man loses his enjoyment and appre-
ciation OF this lovely winter weather
where he has just turned out the Ii pht
and craWled into bed, and is informed
by his wife that ne left every draft in
the sitting-r0om stove wide open, and if
he doesn't Wantthe house burned over
their heads, he'd better get up and see
to it. He wishes that the Fourth o. July
lasted all the year, but that isn't exact
ly what he says.
The race of Irish wolf dogs Is believed
to be now extinct. The last genuine
specimens OF these magnificent animals
were in 1906 possessed hyde Quincy's
friend, the late Marquis of Shgo. VINO
owned hundreds OF thousands Of acres
in the wild, storm-beaten county OF
Mayo. They were to the old arms OF
Ireland what the lion and unicorn are to
with notices, "Gentle when stroked /;
fierce when'proVoked."
A gentleman travelling through one of
the most picturesque portions of the
White Mountain region, saw a farmer at
work, and being OF a sociable disposi-
tioD,, approached the man, and expa.
tiattd on the beauty and majesty of the
surrounding scenery, concluding with
the eremark: ~ suppose, my friend, you
enjoy this glorious view that people
come so tar to look atW "Why, yes, ~
was the responser, "but If I'd had the
shorting of these hills Pd made 'em q
little peakeder."
"Happy New Yearl" cried bashful
young man as he entered parior on
West Hill Monday afternoon. "Pappy
knew yerp replied the fair creature he
addressed; "ndeedy did he; he said he
saw you slide out OF the front door and
skip out acr oss the lot and over the side
fence, and if he could have found his
other boot, that 1 kicked under the sofa,
you'd "a knew him TOO, you bet" Aud
the shadow of tender, painful remlnis.
cence passed over the young mans face.
1t is Christian pleasure to see the
harmless idiot whose only mission in
| life is to make two hundred and eleven
calls New Years Day, dandled around
| in the papers. We can conceive of no
loftier ambition for young man, with a
head large enough and hollow enough
| to hold brains, than to devote one day
| in the year 10 emuiatiug tract peddIer,
and endeayoring to bang into and rush
out of as many houses in day as a
directory man orcensus marshal. Dear
young mani Kill him and stuff him. :;
A gay spark who had taken up lodging