South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-11-16
WIT AND IIUMOR.

IVA Danbury man bewails the loss
of a model wife: "She never wasted a
solitary thing. Let cat die around our
house, and the FIRST thing you know Ma
ny Jane'd have muff and set Of furs.
and I'd begin to find mince pie on the
table,
6Scribe the dramatist met bis match
in nobleman ambitious OF gaining
literary reputation by proxy from whom
he received the following curious epis.
tie: "Sir-I have the honor to propose
to you to associate yourself with me in
the composition of drama Your name
will figure by the side of mine; you a
lone composing the play. and 1 alone
dsfraying all the expenses Of the first
representation. You shall have all the
profits, for work only for glory
Scribe replied: "Sir-I have never
been accustomed to harness together in
my carriage horse and an ass; am
therefore unable to accept your very
kind Offer
The nobleman closed the correspond.
ence with: "Monsieur Scribe received
your note Of refusal to unite our literary
labors. You are at liberty not to un.
derstand your own interest, but not to
allow yourself to call me horse
~ Mr. Mewins was counting young
lady of some attractions, and something
of fortune into the bargain. After q
liberal arrangement had been made for
the young lady by her father, Mr.. Mo.
wins having takeu particular fancy to
little brown mare. demanded that it
should be thrown into the bargain, and
upon n positive refusal, the match was
broken off. After couple of years, the
parties accidentally met at n country
ball; Mr.. Mewins was quite willing to
renew the engagement; the lady appear.
ell not to have the slightest recollection
of him. Surely you have not forgot
ten me-" said no. "What name, sir?"
she inquired. "Mewns," he replied.
II had the honor o; paying my address
es to you, about TIVE years ago. II re-
member a person of that NAME" she
rejoned, "who paid his addresses to my
fathers brown mare
10 The following is scarcely an ex.
aggeration Of the want of determination
and wisdom displayed by some persons
in giving aims: The late Mrs. Jane w
was equally remarkable for kindness of
heart and absence OF mind. One day
she was accosted by n beggar, whose
stout and healthy appearance startled
her into momentary doubt of the
neediulness Of charity in this instance.
Why" exclaimed the good old lady.
you look we'll able to work" Yes"
replied the suppiicant, "but have been
deaf and dumb these seven years.
Poor man, what 3 heavy affection -
exclaimed Mrs. W, at the same time
giving him relief with q liberal hand.
On returning home she mentioned the
iact,rema'king. what dreadful thing
1t is to bo deprived of such precious fa-
culties! y But how" asked her sister,
did you know that the poor man had
been deaf and dumb for seven years?"
Why" was the quiet and unconscious
answer, she told me So"
EYAn Irishman stopped at hotel in
Des Moines, Iowa, where pretty high
bills were charged. In the morning
the landlord made out the amount OF
damage and presented it to Pat. After
he had glanced over it the latter looked
the landlord in the face and exclaimed
"Ye put me in mind ola snipe.' why
asked the landlord Because we're We
ry nigh all bill"
t-gOne of the workers in The Liberia