Connecticut western news., 1877-04-27
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
 A MINISTER from neighboring town came to this city 8 few days ago. He was out late at night, and returning to his hotel, was suddenly met in lonely part of the city by highwayman, who thrust pistol at the clergyman and de- manded "His money or his life." The minister was startled, but his presence of mind did not forsake him, and he thus addressed the would-be-thief in the most solemn and affecting tone {: "My good man, you shall have every cent possess. give it to you will ingly, but hope you will listen to me for moment" The preacher then went to work and went over a whole sermon, and in the most melting terms besought him to forsake his present mode of making living. The stars twinkled above in undimmed glory and the sad winds whirled around the ad jacent corner. It was an impressive occasion, and the silent influences of night, in connection with the eloquent and sweetly modulated tone of the preacher, caused the robber to soften and grow penitent. The preacher saw this, and , watching an opportune moment, exclaimed: "My friend, you have done me wrong, though you shall have my money. But get down on your knees and ask forgiveness for your sins" The penitent thief got down on his knees, and when he had kicked him in the stomach and then engine.
 s'MY DEAREST FIDUCIA," he said, as they stood beneath 8 tree in flood of moonlight, "I have longed - oh SC longed !-for this blissful opportunity and even now hardly dare to speak the swelling thoughts that struggle uI for utterance. Not in the blistering glare of the monday sun would whisper to thee of the sweet love that has tinged my whole being with g celestial brightness, but in this soft silvery sheen of the constant moon would I syllable forth the ecstatic song of Eros. Oh, canst thou realize how like the radiance of heaven thy beauty beams upon mel And shall not the blessed boon be always mine? Will thou not henceforth, for all coming time, give me the right to shield thee from the rough contact and chilling blasts of an unfeeling world? Oh! ii thy smiles could be mine while life should last they would shed-they would Sshed-a-a-Ah, dearest, they would shed-'' While he hesitated anc stumbled for word,-Fiducia eagerly whispered, "Never mind the wood shed, Augustus, but go right on witt your pretty talk" .E
 SENIOR TO FRESHMAN, as they strol along the street at midnight: "Hov wonderful are the heavens! Only think, it takes thousands of years fol tthe light from some of those dim stars to reach us." Philosophic Fresh man "Yes, but say, suppose a ray of light has just started from one of those stars and after it has travelled a thousand years to reach the earth, supposed thu earth to be suddenly annihilated; wha terrible disappointment not to finC the earth after all! Or, suppose al astronomer traces up ray of light ant finds no star, but only a hole at the enc of it, the star having gone out thou sand years before-how unsatisfactory that would bel" Utter collapse O Senior. -~
 TYPICAL TREES: For gouty people the achecorn; for antiQuarians, thu date; for school boys, the birch; fol Irishman, the och; for cOnjurers, tn, palm; for negroes, see dah; for youns ladies, the man go; for farmers, tn plant'in; for fashionable women, Sc of frs; for dandies, the spruce; fo actors, the poplar; for physicians syc more; for your wife, her will, o tor lovers, the sigh press; for the dis consolate, the pine; tor engaged people the pear; for sewing machine people the hemlock; for boarding hous keepers, lash; always on hand, tn pawpaw; who is this written for? yeW
 AN oLD-FAsH1oNED clergyman, name Moore, was riding on horseback on stormy day, enveloped in a loose cloa of large proportions and having a broa scarlet collar. By the action of tn wind the cloak was tossing about in al directions. when a gentleman rode u] on spirited horse, which shied an almost threw the rider. t'That cloa of yours would frighten the devil," sai the gentleman, "You don't say SO ]! replied MT. Moore: 'swhy, that's jus my trade." se
 ANOTHER story of the wife of the lat Dr. Lord, of Buffalo, is appearing i the newspapers. Her friends havin objected to the marriage, it was decide to wed without their permission. Whe her absence from home was noted there was found addressed to her rels tives, note from her chosen husban which explained matters briefly, as fol lows; ''The Lord gave, and the LOT hath taken away; blessed be the nam ot the Lord." -
 A WELL-DREssED WOMAN, after in specting with look of mingled curi osity and awe the rare collection ( statuary in the Corcoran gallery 8 Washington the other day, approache a couple of amateurs and astonishe them with this question: "Are those, waving her hand in the direction of group of torsos and other fragments ( antique art, 'sare those-those limbles persons people who fell-in the Revolt tion?"
 IT WAS A country member who, fal ing asleep during session of tn ''House," awoke just as an appropris tion was to be made, and asked hi neighbor what the object was. s'Bridge and draws" was the reply, and tn drowsy one stood up, and apologizin for inattention, asked nervously, "Ho, much was to be spent for brooches an drawers?"
 AN OLD MAID was heard to exclain
 while sitting at her toilet tine other day II can bear diversity, I can encounte hardships, and withstand the change of tickle fortune; but oh, to live, an droop, and die like single pink can't endure it; and what's more,
 Won't."
 LITTLE AGNES, aged three year
 heard for the first time the report of cannon announcing the arrival of
 steamship. "Hear the gun," said ht sister. To which she replied: "Whos