Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1877-05-19

reason, or if they have, their mind
is alarmingly deranged."
"Where does history begin ~ was
the puzzling question of teacher
on an examination day. "Where
mythology ceases" was the prompt
reply of sprightly youth.
A welI-known article of feminine
apparel is the boa. Boa means in
English serpent. 1t seems that the
fair sex has not yet laid aside its ac-
quaintance with the serpent in the
paradise.
A man who used to hold frequent
communion, not with disembodied,
but disenbottled, spirits, was once
heard to say: 81 wish my neck were
as long as that of a giraffe" On be-
ing asked why he cherished such a
queer wish, he facetiously remarked:
because it would be so pleasant to
have the cooling beer stream down
long cultural channel.
A young man with a downy
moustache on his upper lip, one end
of which looked in a threatening at
titude towards the zenith, while
the other pointed humbly to the in
fernal regions, was reminded by
some of his friends of the irregular
direction of his hirsute superlabial
appendage. because one of the
poles is positive and the other mega
tive" was the explanatory remark
of the youth.
"Why, do you think, am | an en-
thusiastic adherent of Spiritualism?'
asked superstitious woman ofone OF
her numerous friends. because
for want of sufficient spirit (mind,
genius) in yourself you are COM
PEELED to make a forced loan from
outside.
"You are afflicted with consump-
ton" "Why do you suppose so ?"
81 Judge from the large quantity OF
victuals your teeth demolish every
day."
4 man in a state of revolving in
toxicatiOn just steered round a cor
ner and in trying to establish his
lost equipOse by the most curious
cross and counter walks stumbled
over an old box that accidentally
lay on the street, fell down and, ac-
cording to the physical law of iner-
tia of matter, remained there.
Presently policeman came along
and gave him, with his pedal eX-
tremities, a rather unceremOnious
intimation of his presence. "Why
don't you get up, old reprobate ?''
"Because I knew 1 would get down
again and that you would finally
take me up kindly"
A valuable receipt to prepare
"blues :" Take u ounces of idleneSs
| 10 ounces of discOntentment, 8 Oun,
ces of disappointment, 1 ounces o.
delusiOn, 4 scruples of financial dis
tress and Is grains of domestic un
pleasantness; let the compound
stand awhile, but shake briskly be
fore using it. Take every day three
big tabIespoonsfull, and you viii
soon exhibit all the symptoms o
dependency, Familiarity called
"blueS."
A WHISKEY LAMENTATIOS.
OF that whis6ey 1 want no more.
Oh it makes me seriously sore.
I'm tired of it now to the very core.
How ardentIy 1 wish that could bore
A hole in the barrel and pour it out on tbs
floor.
Whoever has such stuffin his store
Is certainly a cruel and intolerable bore.
And we earnestly ask and fervently implor
That tomorrow morning when you opel
the door
And see us enter in full number four,
You will let us have some better lore
To satisfy our stomach's roar,
| And make our bold Imagination soar
To the land of visions distant shore.
f 1t certainly will our humOr restore
9 From all the ffiictions we recently bore
And had never experienced in our life be
fore.