River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-10-25
History OF Thomas Cat:


/ have taken the precaution to clothe
myseDin coat of mail before attacking
this subject. The Tom cat being encased
in a coat of male too. wish to be on as
near an equal footing with him as posi-
BILE, but still he now beats me by two
feet. Any one that's got the advantage of
cat does not need a guardian; he can
Just go right out in the cold world and
earn a dollar a day the year round.
The cat was invented long time ago
| have forgotten the name of the inventor.
1t was patented, and tor long tire the
inventor held it as monopoly, but after
time the patent run out, and the cat
came into general use, since which time
there has been some Improvements added
so that the cat of this age is hard thing
to beat
Cats are of a couple of kinds. One is
the Tom cat, and the other-well, the
other isn't. A cat is all born at once with
the exception of the eyes, which are al
ways nine days late When cat com
mences it is always kitten, and there are
usually considerable many brothers and
sisters of him at once, and for nine days
they are obliged TO go it blind. The eye
business sticks me. have read up all
the works on optics, and notice that most
everything that is going to have eyes have
them built in under the original contract,
even to the potato, and why The cat is left
out cannot discover any more than | can
why woman looks under bed to find q
man.
The cat is composed of peculiar COM
position, similar to India rubber; the ex-
act combination of the material is one OF
the lost arts. l dropped a cat out of q
five story window on Broadway once, and
he bounced up about a rod, and landed
on his feet He didn't even feel to see il
any bones were broken he simply glanced
at the lamp post on the corner, and read
the name of the street to get his bearings
and then sailed away as peacefully as
though he had just got out of stage. II
| is wonderful how far a cat will tumble
and not break.
! Cats have tail built into them ON the
after end. In repose it is about the size
of broom handle, but when excited the
owner has the power of blowing it NJ
about the size of Bologna sausage, ano
when erect IN the air it gives the cat 8
very gamy appearance. The principal
uses of the tail to the domestic cat are
few. Their memories arc poor, and they
forget and leave their tails around on tho
floor for people to step on. One OF tho
chief delights cat experiences is in get
ting the tail under the rocker of a chcir
Just in season to catch the whole weight
/ of the chair at the coming down.
To get the pure, unadulterated cat, one
! l. 4,s oil mo lya N IN
guaintance of the Tom cat. There il
more life to the square inch in city Tom
than can be be found anywhere else, bar
ring piece of cheese. There he flour
ishes in all his native vigor There his
cat-hke qualities find full play.
Then he courts,
Then he fights,
Then he wells,
On moonlight nights,
Climbing fences, lodging boots,
Also bullets as he scOots
From the chimney to the gutter,
Down conductor to the shutter,
Into the garden plat,
That
Cat!
/ The Tom cat and the street lamp at
tend TO business chiefly at night. Day
time they are more ornamental than use
full. Sprawling around the stove, bask
ing in the sun, he passes away the day il
sleep. As night approaches he braces up
and starts out 70 attend to business. He
has no friends. Every cat he meets is al
enemy He meets the enemy and they
are his, or he is theirs; it is as often one
way as the other. As socn as he meets
| the foe he arches hiS back initiates his
tail and sounds the war cry. Talk about
the tocsin alarm the Tom cat calls in q
voice that Immediately gives him the
/ belt for hideous noises.
/ The enemies near each other; there is
not clash of arms exactly, but there is
an interlocking and braiding of legs, two
/ Jumps of animated hair go into the All
and come down onto the ground and roll
over, and claw, and scratch, and fur flies,
and it flies fur, and they scratch faces,
and they face scratches, and they yawl,
and howl, and bite and tear for few mo-
ments, and then unbraid their legs and
sit down and look at each other for min
ute, and collect their scattered senses, and
| try and discover what particular portion
of their anatomy is missing, and then
both at the same instant turn and annihil-
ate space in opposite directions, with an
unanimity of thought that is wonderful
in a dumb animal. This is not an illu-
minated picture, but is hunk of truth
I abo11t q "a, fiCht