The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1877-08-22

l. and flung their guns and pistol;
around loose and useless; and how
they seemed to say by every act ans
move, "we are the conquering he
roes just returned from a gloriou:
victory" and when everybody knew
they had made ridiculous and con.
temptible failure we couldn't help
calling the foolish expedition "that
(. Big Ike raid" We did not mean
you, Ike. No, sir. You are not a
, constitutional failure. You are not
r an unmitigated, unauthorized, thor
! oughbred Humbug The chaps who
bossed that Newman Ridge job
are. always were, and always will be.
They are just about as well fitted
for the places they occupy as pig
is to play on a ''pianner." But you
know, Ike. the Government mast
take care of its pets, and these 'offi-
GERS must be fed at the public ex-
pense. They are humbugs of course,
but nevertheless they get fat saia-
ries. So, that much in explanation
of the term, big Ike"
Now, asto "hankering arter moon
shine," permit US to say, Ike, that
day has passed and gone. Roll on
silver moon and light the traveller
into the Ridge, might have had
poetry and music in it once but we
are too old and steady now for any
such foolishness; and we are glad,
! Ike, that Sarah Jane has taken the
"hanker' out of you. The fact is,
stout broom-stick in the hands of
a skilIful Sally will take the banker
outen most any fellow, and we don't
blame you for surreudering. But,
we wouldn't go your security, Ike.
on the ''hankering" question if you
were twenty miles away from the
amiable Sarah Jane and her patent
broom-stick. Moonshine to such
jolly fellows as you seem to be, is a
monstrous tempting substance.
As to the punger gourd, we insist
you have not told us what it is. We
are as much in the dark now as we
were before we read your letter.
Some time ago Lewis. of Hancock, |
bristled up and pretended as if he |
knew all about punger gourds. We
thought he had certainly visited
Nashville, during last winter, and
had learned wisdom from the author
of the punger gourd law; but when
he came to unbosom himself upon
the subject he was of the opinion
that the Legislature Of Tennessee
simply meant soap gOurd and so
we turned from Lewis in sadness and
sorrow. He is a very good lawyer,
a remarkably sharp politician, and a
clever fellow, but upon the impor-
tant question of punger gourds he is
as ignorant as the poet Longfellow,
or the Russian General, Pigwithhis-
TALBOT.
But, Ike, we are on the track of a
punger gourd al last. and are likely
to meet up" with one soon.
"Clinch," do you know "Clinch?'
He writes for the GAZETTE some.
tim es.) was over here at the circus
last week, and he told us be knew
a man in Punkin Valley who owned
a SIRE enough puBger gourd. 1t
holds bushel and five pecks or
peck and five pints-or-or-weIl
we have forgotten what "Clinch"
did say about that gourd, for we
were thinking about the educated
mule and the clown and the gentle
manly hog and all The other natural
old John was going TO
exhibit that day, and congratulating
Ourself that we had two tickets and
two silver quarters to take us and
our Sarah Jane into the show and
and so we must be excused | {
for being little tangled; but never
theless it is a big go,od-the one
that "Clinch' has found for us. We
are going to get it, and we are going
10 send it over TO the Ridge and
them fellers'' are going to fill it
with moonshine," regular "mountain
lew, pure nectar and then send {
t back to US, free. gratis, for moth 1
ng. Ike, when it comes we'll write 2
7ou a postal card. Tell Sarah Jane
you have important business up
n Hawkins-teIl her you are oblig-
"a to ''see a man" Well have Lew
s. over here, and Big John from the
GAZETTE Office, and "Clinch.'' from t
Lee Valley, and "CIod Hopper" and Y
he Doctor-and then we will for a
,ver and ever settle the vexed ques- Il
ion as to what is a punger gOurd v
Keep dark, now, Ike, don't let Sarah v
ane know what IS going on between d
IS. She loves ''moonshine" as we'll n
s you and I. All the Sarah james
re fond of the "critter" only they
ont let on. We will save out
ONE for her and when you get back
lome a small '.jigger" will satisfy
er and make peace. Keep dark, F
ut come