Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-01-11
SENSE AND NONSENSE,
IS no name for it.

\
San Francisco.
FEMALE burglars are doing considerable
business in New York.
THE phrase Excuse haste and a bad
pen'' was the parting salute of runaway
pig.
He that cannot forgive others breaks
| the bridge over which he must certainly
pass.
| To MAKE the most of the good and the
least of the evil of life is the best philos0-
ply of life
THE female element of Virginia (Nev.)
| society is more troublesome than the male
1 80 say I1Io police reports.
You may now safely hang up the palm
| leaf fan until next summer, no matter
what Prof. Tice says.
1T is a pitiful sight to see heavy ulster
overcoat try to 60 home with weak
| young man in rain storm.-Neoo Orleans
Republican.
THERE is much less of obtaining money
unuer false pretense than formerly, proba-
bly, owing to the difficulty of obtaining
money under any pretense.
PEOPLE who live and move in crowded
rooms, without ventilation, should remem-
Der that mans own breath is his greatest
enemy.-Ptttsburgh Commercial.
| A PHILADELPHIA shoe merchant wrote
to his wife that he had become a convert
to cremation, and she said: ''GO ahead :;
have your ashes returned @. o. D. to me 5"
WITHIN the past several weeks an unu-
sually large number of milk dealers in
| New York have been arrested for milking
| too frequently "the COW with the iron
tail. ."-BostOn Globe.
THE modest virgin, the prudent wife, or
| the careful matrOn, are much more
serviceable in life than petticoated philos-
ophers, clustering heroines or virago
| queens.-G0Edsmith
''THE way it is" said little Johnny,
| describing a rattle at church fair, "you
see. .somethin' and you give half a dollar
for a chance to win it, another fellow al
ways gets it, and they never offer you your
money back"
| THE Gar of Russia makes nearly fifty
| five thousand dollars a day out of his posi-
! ton, and when he knocks off in the mid
die ofthe day to go out and play base ball,
or see horse race, he isn't dOcked cent
| -CIe0ela1ad Herald.
| A HEN may look serene and happy as
she sits on snowdrift, wings spread out
and head up, but we all know that she's
! simply trying to keep up appearances,
| and that there is powerful aching down
around hef heels.-Bu?ESngt0n Haa0k-
Eye.
In China there grows fern which
bears a curious likeness to a lamb. This
likeness causes English-speaking people
who have seen it to call it the Tartarian or
Scythian lamb fern. 1t is covered with a
dense, soft, vegetable wool, of yellow
WOOL lies fiat, short distance above the
! ground, and other hanging stems, look
like little legs supporting it.-St, N5chOlas
| for January.
If you lounge down into rocking
| chair and tilt back across the toes of a
man in neat fitting boot, don't ask him
! ii he is hurt, or say anything else calcu-
lated to make him speak, just let him
stand up and smile for few moments I'M
til he gets his voice under control.
| Society is used to the ghastly smile of a
man with tight boots, and doesn't mind
| it, but the Quavcring tones of an anguish
| stricken voice are always calculated TO cast
gloom over the entire community.
"l'UPsYWACK," said Mrs. Bubblecome
| to her husband, John, the other day, " our
| Baiseywaysey has got a sore nose and it's
teething. Go and ask DR.. Brown to come
right away up, there's good Johnsey-
wonsey Pupseywack." Mumseywunl-
sey,'' he replied, 'anysing Pupseywack
can do for his Baiselewasele is his love
joy. Kiss 'em, old fellow, once more fer
his little one.'' And year ago Bubble
come was the pet of the club, told good
stories, and went out buggy riding to the
Cliff House. Poor fellow! How many
thousands are there like him, who were
once stalWart young bachelors, but whom
jury of twelve impartial citizens would
now unhesitatingly send to Stockton to be
treated for softening Of the brain! San
Francisco Nea0s Letter.
THE Boston Adoert5ser tells a pitiful
story of the efforts of poor girl in Auburn,
Me-, to get an education. She wished to
90 to the Portland high school. She was
very poor, and unable to pay her board in
a strange city, so she made an arrangement
with the proprietor of a boarding house to
do what she could to assist her as payment
for board. Every morning she arose at
three o'clock, got breakfast, then went to
school, and on her return cleared away the
dinner things, and then prepared the sup
per. After supper she cleared up and did
other housework. The resultwas break
down with typhoid fever and she was
taken to the hospital. There the matron
discovered that the poor girls clothing,
while very neat, consisted only of calico
dress and one Gotten skirt. The girl, as
soon as she is we'll enough, will go home
to an aunt in Auburn, who will keep her
until she can again endeavor to support
herself.
A STORY comes from Milford, Mass,
about couple who drove up to one of the
hotels on recent stormy evening, and in
quired for a clergyman. Following the
directions, they tramped nearly a mile,
only to find the reverend gentleman too i'll
to marry them; another minister who was
sought was out of town; and a third was
away from home. At this juncture the
hotel clerk happened to remember that a
church festival was appointed for that
night, and suggested that perhaps gen.
tleman of the cloth could be found there,
but, alasl the now foot-sore couple arrived
just in season to see the sexton lock up
for the night. Still undaunted, they
hurried to the clergyman's residence just
in time to see the lights eXting nguished. But
the expectant groom was not to be thus
baffied, and soon had the clergyman to the
door, and explained his errand and his
troubles. The kind-hearted parson invited
them in, reused up his wife, who, after
hasty toilet, acted as witness, and the
twain were made one flesh. After sup
per at the hotel, the man and his bride de-
parted for home lust at midnight.
Training for the Flying TrapeZe.
n