Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1877-09-26
4 Little Story for the Season.
Danbury News.

Danbury News.
Putting up stove is not so difficn,
IN itself. 1t IS the pipe that raises fon,
tilths of the mischief and all the dust
You may take down stove pipe viii
all the care in the world, and Vet tho,
plpe won't come together again a. !,
was before. You find this out whan
you are standing on q chair with yonr
arms full of pipe and your mouth fnn
of SCOT. Your wife is standing on the
floor in a position that enables her to.
see you, the pipe and the chair and
she gives utterance to those remarks
that are calculated to hasten a man in.
to the extremes of insanity. Her dress
Is pinned over her waist, and her hands
rest on her hips She has got one of
your hats on her head, and your linen
coat on her back. and pair of rubbers
on her feet. There is about five cents
worth Of pot black on her nose, and
lot Of flour on her chin, and altogethor
she is ii spectacle that would inspira .
dead man with distrust. And wbile
you are up there trying to circumvent
the awful contrariness Of the pjpc
and telling that you know some fool
has been mixing it, She stands safely on
ON the floor and bombards you with
such domestic notices as: whats
the use of swearing so?' You know
no one has touched that pipe" g op
amt got any more patience than
child" Do be careful of that chair 7"
And then she goes and reappears with
an armtul more of pipe, and before YOU
are aware of ii she has got that pipe 50
horribly mixed up that it does seem
no two pieces are alike. You join the
ends and work them to and fro, and to
and fro again, and then you take them
apart and look at them. Then YOU
spread one out and jam the other to-
gether, and mount them once more
But it is no go. You begin to think the
pieces are inspired with life, and ache to
kick them through the window. But
she doesn't lose her patience. She goes
around with that awful exasperating
rigging on, with length of pipe under
each arm and long-handled broom in
her hand, and says she don't see how
1t Is that some people never have any
trouble IN putting up n stove. Ten
you miss the hammer. You don't see
it anywhere. You stare into the pipe.
along the mantel, and down the stove.
and off to the floor. Your wife watches
you, and is finally thoughtful enough to
inquire what you are looking after;
and, on hearing, pulls the article from
her pocket. Then you feel as if you
could go out doors and Swear whole
twelve feet square through block Of
brick buildings, but she merely observes
Why on earth don't You speak when
you want anything, and not stare
around like Il dummy" When that
part of the pipe which goes through the
wall is up, she keeps it up with the
broom while you are making the con
nection, and stares at it with an inten-
sity that is entirely uncalled for All
the while your position is becoming
more and more interesting. The pipe
don't 90 together, Of course The SCOT
shakes down into your eyes and mouth
the sweat rolls down your face and
tickles your chin as it drops of, and it
seems rs If your arms were slowly but
surely drawing out of their sockets.
Here your wife comes to the rescue by
inquirlng if you are going to be all day
doing nothing, and if you think her
arms are made of cast-iron; and then
the broom slips off the pipe, and in her
cndeaver to recover her hold she Jabs
you under the chin with the handle,
and the pipe comes down on your head
with its load of fried SCOT, ana then the
chair tits forward enough to discharge
your feet, and you come down on the
wrong end of that chair with II force
that would bankrupt pile-driver. You
don't touch that stove again. You
leave your wife examining the char
and hemoaning its injuries, and 60 INTO
the kitchen and wash your skinned and
bleeding hands with yellow soap. Then
sou 90 down the street after Il man to
do the business, and your wife goes over
to neighbours with her chair and tells
them about the injuries, and drains the
ncighborhood dry with It's sympathy
long before you get home.
'Tin E,ll,uinp story