Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1877-03-28
FACETtE.

FACETfE.
The ''first white child" has been
born in Deadwood, but alas the con-
stables have been chasing around to
find father for it.
When a Mr.. Sword took the wit
ness stand in q st. Louis trial the
other day, the lawyers at once pro-
ceeded to draw him out.
can Independent editor is man
who will crowd out a new advertise
ment to make room for q fresh piece
Of spring poetry says a southern
paper.
The Leavenworth Times sums M a
late breach of promise suit in two
headlines, thus: can injured woman
sues her deceiver for $4,000, and she
runs 1880 behind the ticket"
The Doctor AND His PATIENT
Doctor-It is quite evident, Donald,
that your complaint is neuralgia. Pa
tient-New rally, ca yet? I hae had
1t aft an on for MAR than fifty
years ~
A Galena girl who has been at
tending college writes to her parents /:
This is the most stylish harpin of q
boarding school l ever tumbled to,
I can eat four times day, and get q
fair whack at the hash every time"
Every man is said to have at least
one chance to acquire wealth. In the
case of q newspaper man, this oppor-
tunity comes on the 10Th of Febru-
airy every year, except leap year.
The Kingston Wing advcrtises as
follows: "Wanted, q police reporter
who will leave out everybody's name
from the police reports, and write
paragraphs only which will please all
classes Of the community. Salary no
object"
"Don't put too much confidence in
q lovers vows and sighs," said Mrs.
Darlington to her neice "let him tell
you that you have lips like strawber-
ries and cream, cheeks like tarna-
ton and eyes like an asterisk; bat
such things oftener come from q ten
der head than tender heart"
Recently q justice of the peace in
Michigan, having been hunted with
some difficulty by Geographic mes.
senger with dispatch announcing
his fathers death, refused to pay the
charge of one dollar for delivery.
He said, ~ amt going to pay fol-
that news, for I've been expecting the
old man to die for some time"
Said he, ooh, he's seen grea,
deal of trouble in his time for sc
young chap. Why, he used to como
here with two gold watches on and q
spring overcoat on each arm-just
gay, you know. Now he has to have
his linen buster dyed, and he looks
around for q place where they car
dye two colors, SO as to have facing
on it. Rough, amt it Z"
A young Turk fell in love with 6
Christian girl. She loved him in re.
turn, and finally with deep agitation
gave him piece of soap. He pressed
it madly to his bosom, and wen,
home and took his maiden batl
His father was so enraged the next
day when he caught sight of hi
white skin that he took the lad int
the woods and whipped him to death
That was the beginning of the pres
ent dreadful Turkish war.
"It's all very WE'LL" remarked /.
red-nosed man in a bad hat and al
ulster of the vintage of '73, otis all
very well to say let business revive
but what we want, sir, is confidence
public confidence, sir. Each of u
must be willing to bring out oul
boarded dollars and put them ono,
more in circulation. Then the skie
will brighten, then-by the way,
changed my vest this morning-ient
me fifty cents, will your"
"Misther Crawford stint me here t,
get dimmercrat," said Pat. "a
what?" exclaimed the astonishet
shopkeeper. "a dimmercrat,' re
peated the Irishman. "Now, WASH
it demijohn that he sent you t,
get?" "And sure its foolin' wild m
ye are. What's the differ? Isn't
all the same thing whether it's dim
mercrat or demijohn? It's some
thing to hold bad whisky anyhow
Portland Press.
"What's broke loose, Charley
Where are you going in such a hur
ry?" "I'm going to the store.
"Trade must be active with you.
cts not the trade that has called m,
out. But I'll explain the thing to yOl
to keep down internal suspicious
There are three partners in our store
and we have only three chairs. TIL,
last man that comes in the morning
has to stand up all day. II is yer!
important for me to get to the store
early this morning-good day."
An eight-year-old boy was trottins
up the avenue, when snowfall
struck him on the ear and laid him
out. He uttered few dismal howl
and started of, but gentlemen halt.
ted him and asked: "Why don't yo,
60 over and lick that boy ?" ~ hahn
big enuff," was the reply. "But won
yon do anything atall?" "Not now
know who he is, and I'll fix the hui
family. His father is going to rul
for Congress some time, and my ia
Their will be on the Returning Boart
and count him into the middle of las
week."
A newcomer in a Texas town al
ways enjoys himself. After spend
ing short time looking around tn
place he grows weary, and finall,
asks the clerk of the hotel if there /
any chance of having any fun tina
day. And the clerk, scra tching hi
head moment, says: "Well, l dun
no, reckon we can get up something
for you before night. Haven't beer
shot at yet, have you? No! Oh, well
You will be soon. just loaf arouni
the street little while, and even /
you amt shot at yourself, you cal
dodge the bullets intended for som,
other person. Maybe you might OBJ
ject to its coming in that way, sort o
secondhand you know, and if you
do, why wait little while, and I'll
60 out out with you, and / guess W.
can get up something real lively
Two minutes afterwards that man II
studying the time table for the leav.
ing time of the next train, and not
even the clerks promise to let him
carry the revolver that he shot man
with last week can keep the guest in
tnvuu nrar psnh<