The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-02-03
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


the compromise plan to count the presidential
vote. Had the speech got to Washington before
the bill passed, doubtless the thing would have
been smashed. After enumerating his objections
UP to 19thly, our statesman crowns them all
with the crusher, that the adoption of the plan
would amount TO concession that there are
doubts about Hayes's election" lsh dot SO!
Editorial amenities in Cincinnati are charac.
terzed by all the energy and freshness that i'm
mart such fascination to those of Arkansas and
Texas. The new editor of the Enquirer calls
Halstead, of the Commercial, "a consummate
liar,n"a constituencies, unprincipled, low-iiycd,
beefy, crlnging, fawniug, merchantable self'seek-
er:"" a man without friend,""a filthy black
guard,p "a NANCY dog" "a poor, inilrm, weak,
and despised old man." and "a thief" The Com
,,,ercial playfully retorts that ut is melancholy
to behold corn-fed child of nature losing the
fine curyatures OF youth while still in the TWEEN
:ies.r The newspaper readers Of Cincinnati get
their moneys worth and are saved the expense
Of buying Parson Brownlow's weekly.
Pope Bob Ingersoll, it is said, is about to take
the lecture field. The prime article Of his creed
is that every man makes his own gods, SO that
Bobs lectures will doubtless be largely devoted
to the apotheosis of the two leading objects Of
his worship-Blaine and Beelzcbub
The regulation adopted by the Illinois Central
Railroad, of requiring every editor to whom
pass is issued to have it backed by his photo.
graph, is causing some commotion along the
line OF the road. Some Of the editors are SO
homely that the photographers decline to sub
ject their machines to the required strain.
Logotec Indiana, is excited over queer law
suit pretty teacher in that town undertook
TO rattan big male scholar, who took her up
tendcrly and kissed her. She sues for damages.
1t seems odd to ask damages for kiss, but If
some precedent Of the kind is not established,
what is pretty little school marin to do?
The Rochester Democrat has bought poet who
thus tunes his lay:
He raised his knife and paused A ghostly glare
Cleaned from his eyes like moonbcams thro' a
I watched him, moyeless, in that fixed, strange
shuddered as saw his lips set there
Rcpress the shrieks his startled soul would
utter!
What saw he? Nothing but woman's hair
Twas in the butter.
a rural correspondent writes; is there any
good shooting your way!' No, there is no good
shooting our way, no good in the world. Be.
sides, II you go to shooting our way, and we
hear Of II, wen have you arrested. There Is no
good shooting any way.-Cincinndfi Saturday
Night. Doubtless it would be safer to try May
and Benefits way OF shooting.
The Oregon Coprier boasts the possession of a
scorched copy Of the New York independent that
was snatcheG from the burning wreck at Asia.
bula, and invites its readers to come and see 1t.
We have badly scorched copy of the New York
Observer, that was snatchcd the other morning
from the coal hod 1t is better paper than the
Independent and quite rs badly searched No
charge to see IT,
If you call the Michigan people Michigan
ders" says the Hartford C0urdnt, isn't an illinois
man an " Illinoisterw And isn't Connecticut
man " Connecticutter|' replies the Inter- Ocldn.
And New Hampshire man a" Newhampshear-
err" Massachusetts, man, Massachusctter,"
and an Arkansas man an Arkansawyer; and n
Minnesota man a Minncsotatcr, and so forth
The Chicago Journal remarks: "Thcre are
people In this world who would make just as
much stir, and do just as much good, and benefit
society as much-and we don't know but more
were they killed and stuffed"
A "patcnt" item In the Rochelle RegiSter in.
forms the public that a hogs "sGucal" is the
only thing about him which cannot be utilized
The query is, what use the porcinc scientists
have made of the "curl in his taly'
The great obituary poet OF the Philadelphia
Ledger has some miserable imitators, as witness
the following in the New York Sun:
II was cough
That carried me OFF,
II was a collin
They carried me OFT in.
The editor OF the Joliet PItRih finds it eco
nomical to let his horse stable 20 all winter
without cleaning. He says, after about month,
the old horse stands so much higher behind than
victuals up hill. That takes more time and
saves hay. The difference amounts to half Il
ton in six months.
Are blacksmths who make living by forg-
Ing or carpenters who do little countcr.iltting,
any worse than men who sell iron and steel for
livlngl-St Louis Journal.
The editor Of the Tonica Sc,cS has grievance
A fellow told him that al John Beck's party they
had sourkrout for dessert, upon which Beck
bulldozed the editor and the "fellow sworc he
had never reported anything Of the kind. The
editor sagely concludes that a fellow that tells
two stories, one contradctlng the the other
can't be relied on" That sounds reasonable
but will it cure black eye:
A woman with bees nest in her hair would
probably be lively spectacle; but Joaquin Nil
Ter tries, In the Indcpend,it TO make such Il
thing romantic, as follows;
II all the world garden were,
And women were but bowers;
II men were bees that busted there
Through all the summer hours;
Oh! / would hum the garden through
For honey, till | came TO YOU
Then should hive within your hair,
Its sun and gold together;
Aud / should bide In glory there,
Through all the changeful weather.
Certainly logical is this deduction by the logi
cal NJ. Quad Of the Detroit Free Press: Amer
lean beef sent TO England has made English