Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-04-25
FUNNY PARAGRAPHS.

NEW Vermont maple sugar is in the
market, with last summers Iowa fly
specks thrown in.-Haackege.
Gath " says that the humorous par
agrapher ls a moral and mental dwarf,
that his mind is an ash heap and his
language poppycock.
SEANLEY discovered the Shimecyu
rlver.-N. 7. Herald. And Mrs. Swiss
helm invented the chimiloon. Who
will sue the other for in fringement?
NEVADA boasts of man who has
beard seven feet long. He is the man
Tennyson referred to when he spoke
of the chair of all the ages"
AN Oil City mother, whose little son
is a boot-black, has been attending the
temperance meetings lately, and now
calls the boy in the N orning by singing
"Arise and Shine. "-OH CITY Derrick.
The Hawkeye man says: GA gifted
contributor sends us 8 poem beginning
Open the door to the children" You'd
better, if you don't want all the paint
kicked off the panels"
The general public will rejoice to
know that organdies will be 'quite the
thing" this season--it is SO seldom that
an itinerant organizes or resigns
Worcester Press. #
The blue-birds and the robins have
come; and likewise the frogs; and,
moreover, the song of the cricket is
again heard down stairs behind the Gel
lar door.
"CHILD, haven't I told you not to
stand 80 much before the glass?"
" Why, mother, you told me to read
and reflect. / have been reading and
now am rehecting." ...r.e..
"WHY, Sammy said g. father to his
little son lately, II didn't know that
your teacher whipped you Friday"
81 guess" replied Sammy, I" if you
had been in my trousers you'd know'd
it." ..s i. --.... .. .......-....
AT balloon ascension in Nashville
lately, an cid negro who thought the
balloon was going to heaven, cried out
from the crowd, as it assembled, "Tell
Emoline I'll be dar after q while; tell
Sallie I'm coming" 81.
A sPINsTER lady of fifty years re-
marked lately that she could go alone
at six months old. eyes" said her
hateful half-brother, "and you have
been going alone ever since"
ONCE upon time lady looking at
one of Turner's pictures, said to him:
Mr.. Turner, I never saw saw such q
sunset as that" and Turner replied:
ono, madame; don't you wish you
could? ?" .aE u ras et
HAVE you played the new spring
gameOf carpet beating? 1t is said by
those expert to be good outdoor sport,
very strengthening to the muscles of
the forearm. You play it with an old
hat on your head and g. stout stick In
your rig ut hand. oa aea
AN eastern man, in writing to his
friends of his marriage in California,
thus tersely describes his bride: 'She
has head as red as q woodpecker's.
and owns sheep till you can't rest"
AN Omaha man is doubly in trouble.
He deserted his wife to elope with a
girl, and the wife is chasing him. Then
he deserted the girl, and she is likewise
chasing him. The chasers have joined
in the pursuit, and he fears the worst
if they catch him.
BALD-HZADED men in search of q sit
uation may apply at the Office of the
Wheeler exploring expedition. They
are wanted to take the place of the tin
cylinders on lofty hill-tops to fix the
points of the great triangles. Perma-
nent positions guaranteed. wa.
"How many of you are therep"
asked a voice from an upper window
Of a serenadirg party. Four" was
the reply. "Divide that among you,"
saba voice, as bucket of Stops fell,
:" like the gentle dew of heaven on those
beneath" ao5s. l1 a5.a
WHEN you see man with his eyes
set back in his head, and his nose as
red as turkeys necktie and the size OF
turnip, and q cold in his head as big
as a Christians hope, you may know
be is the man who laid OF his fannels
that lovely day last week.-Howkeye.
MRS. GoRMAN of Kentucky was re-
Gently arrested for being q voluntary
spectator of a prize-fght. The judge
dismissed the case, 1emarking that
woman's strong natural curiosity was
sufficient excuse for her going any
where to see ANYTHING Boston Gobp