Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1877-03-29
DRUMMING ON SEWING MACHINES.
By SOLOMON HKrHERToN RUDoLPHUs IMP

DRUMMING ON SEWING MACHINESs
BIZ SOLOMON HErHERToN RUDOLPHUs IMP.
NY wife is the apple of my eye-none
your little Insignificant rusty coats, or
crab apples, but q great luscious pine
annie. prickers and all We have only
been married about ten years, and
know that there are fathoms and fathoms
of character in her, that no man could
begin to get to the bottom OF In that
brief space; but from what have seen,
/ can say cheerfully that "she's all my
fancy painted her" and more, too. II
there is any virtue in which she excels, !
think that virtue is affection. She will
give more of that commodity for yard
or two of sash ribbon, or new spring
bonnet. and pay in advance, 100, than any
woman this side of tie Oneida Communi-
Nv, including her mother, who wheedled
the old man out of all sorts of trinkets
until he went stark mad, and hadn't
enough left to pay his board in lunatic
asylum. have got so used to measuring
the amount Of her affection by the amount
of the donation that she is going to de-
mand, or vice versa, that can tell pretty
yearly what she is about to ask for, as
soon as she gets her arms round my neck
and begins to squeeze. When / come
home one night last month, therefore, and
she few out to the gate snd escorted me
in. and kissed me on the end of my nose
in the dark hall, and pressed me up into
the corner until / looked like white
washed prism, and mashed my hat down
over my eyes. in q loving attempt to
stroke my hlir, absolutely trembled.
not on account of my general health and
clothes, but on account of what knew
must be going to follow.
Solomon" said she. finally restoring
my necktie, and portion Of my whiskers,
which she had swallowed, "Uphemis
Sparkins has got a new double back &C.
ton Pill-box and Digg's sewing machine.
and il is the lovliest little thing that you
ever saw, with pair of drawers on one
leg, and little clothes press on the other,
and a treadle; o, such precious darling
love of little treadle on its bottom, and
il works SO easy, and you don't haye to
start il. and il feeds itself, and sews-Oh
goodnessl such q splendid hemmer, and
baster, and binder, and tucker, and quill
ter, ana a feller-O, such beautiful fel-
Ter too"
About this time got disentanglec
enough to reach the room, door and sat
down inside Somehow that last remark,
about the beautiful Teller, affected me
more than all the rest. j am not near so
young and fresh looking now as was
when / was q boy, and it flashed over me
instantly that had better yield at once,
and go directly to the company's Office
and order q machine which would render
Il impossible for the beautiful Teller,
whom supposed to be the agent, to have
Q finger in the pie. As sooL as she came
In. therefore and sat down ON my knee,
and commenced to straighten out my hat
and clothes, and 60 on with the descrip-
ton, prepared myself as well as could
for what knew would follow, and then
wil.ed.
have been caressed on the subjects of
bureaus, breastpins, and baby carriages.
ard most all kinds of birds, including
bantam chickens, but never did i receive
such an avalanche of affectionate remem-
brance as when i told Mrs. Imp that che
should have that machine. For the next
half hour breathed almost exclusively
through the lace and illusion that covered
my wife's bosom. being let up occasion.
ally to be kissed, and then put back again
20 smother, until wished Howe, and all
the rest Of them, had turned their attcn-
lion to flying machines, and that IL was
one Of them that was about to obtain.
II was my intention to add to my acQui-
sscence that 1 had been thinking of sur
prising her with machine, for . week or
two past, but il has been a subject of con-
graduation to me ever since and always
will be, that did not Had known
what unceasing torment my darling COM
panion and myself were TO be subjected
to, during the coming days. would have
invented a flying machine myself, rather
than stay and stand il.
We retired to bed early that night, but
neither of Us could sleep. My vile could
not because of the great Joy in prospect
for the morrow. and could not because
she persisted still in caressing me on ac
count Of the liberal promise had made
her. At last she fell into fiiful slumber,
but only TO waken with start, and in
form me that she had dreamed that the
house was full OF sewing machines of the
most beautiful types-sO beautiful in
fact that she was at a loss which one to
select. endeavored to impress upon her
the perfect ludicrousness Of such .
dream, and had just succeeded, when the
deor. bell rang with great violence
went TO the trout window to reconnoitre
and saw a man standing on the front
sto0p with bis hat IN his hand, and some
thing black beside him. which took to
be . hand organ.
Nothing for you" said !, Indignantly.
beg your pardon. SIR" said be, but
can see the lady of the houser"
informed that be positively could
not.
Could he have few words with the
gentleman
] gave him TO understand that the gen.
tleman was at the window, in very airy
garb. and listening
Il am the agent Of the back -geared
fore and aft action sewing machine"
said he, warranted not to rip, srlit. tear.
give way, or unravel. Hearing that you
were about TO purchase, called to leave
machine on trial"
/ did not know rs much rs did ut the |
end of the ensuing twenty. four hours, or !
would not have opened the door, though /
all the fore and-aft back -gcared machine |
men in the universe had been there 1
clamboring. Under the circumstances,
having first satisfied myself that he was I
anything but a bestiful Teller, I esteemed
IL quite lucky hit that he should come
just in the nick of time.
My wife WAS overjoyed when inform
ed her that an agent had called and left
When she was informing me
OF this In her most dcmonstrative man.
ner, The bell rang again-it rang In truth,
Rt intervals all that night, and by morn
ng we had five family sewing machines,
Two button hole machines, and machine
Tor stitching shoes. in the upper hall, and
Tour more of different pattern promised
oy agents whom had declined to admit,
IN the ground that was subject to rheu.
natics. ard did not want to stand in the ,
lraught, at night. / slept somewhat late
n the morning, and on going down was
informed by the servant girl that half
lozen more machines had been served
Ipon us, for trial. since daylight, and
we're standing in the lower hall ate
ny breakfast thoughtfully. bid good-by
o my wife, who was busting about from
ne machine to another, In high state Of .
cstacy. and started for business. At the {
ront gate / met fle of men on their I