, 1877-09-23
CHURCHLY HUMOR.

CHURCHLY HUMoR.
4 religious pr1n. s..-~-- 4.-4
converted an editor; the latter Was advised
hurn few candles to the Virgin; next day
felt desire to pray, and before tho end Of tt
week his advertisements and subscriptions ha
increased By IS per cent
"sAh, THERE'S nothing like purity!" exclain,e
clergyman at tta-party given By one Of b
parishioners, as TUG hostess WAS pouring tel
- ia'as, parson.r replied the good hostess
rlucn put out. s'but yoa can't find no purer te
1han this 'ere, that cost seven and six pound
II ron look six mouths for i1.''
Nervous Little Bob r. was nearly frishtene,
into fits one day when bungling old Parson Pew
in his hard. unsmiiing way, with voice 1k
thunder, asked him suddenly: "Who made th'
world in six days aud rested the sevccth!'' 's.
did.: screamed the child. bursting into tears
''but-1'il-ncyey-do so-any more!''
You can't pick up the family Bible at this
season of the year without making YOUR wife
aud sister screaul% and filling the room with
scattered ferns and autumn leaves in ali stages
ol Drcssedness. On this actDunt VIC have been
compelled to deprive oursclf OF the estimabe
privilege OF perusing that precious book any
where except at the ottlce-
If We may believe the Whitehall R<l1t,c, the
doctrine of the old English song of - Biboa has
Just been nat to a practical use oy q Russian
armv Chaplain. Addressing his regiment before
its departure for the seat Of war, he said that
cowarls would be punished in hell SHY stand
in- IN orandy up tn their nccS without being
ailvwed to enjoy drop Of the 1iquor.''
At the laying OF cornerstone Of church in
Western New York last week collection was
taken up just at that time iarnacr, who was
driving along with load Of cabbagcs stopped
to sec what was going Oh. The clergyman who
was in charge OF the exercises at once asked him
for donation. He said he had no cash, but
would give the cabbages il tl.ey could be sold
BY auction on the spot So the parson turned
auctioneer, aud cabbaGes were soon converted
Into cash. The profit to tho church Oh this
transaction was nearly so. These people will,
probably, pray for more men to come along with
cabbages.
4 teacher OF Sunday-school in the interior
Of New York was impressiny upon the scholars
lesson in connection with the death OF one of
tnei- number. She told tflem tnat little Amy
was now saint in heaven. Whcrcupou one OF
the girls spoke up and said; ++She will gct
plenty Of preserves there" Astonishcd to hear
her make such strange statement, the teacher
questioned her to ascertain what could have put
the idea into her mind. It was finally traced to
the following question and answer in the cate-
chism:
.sQuestion-Why ought the saints to love
God!"
4'Answer-BecauseH BE makes, preserves, and
keeps tbem.''
Said the granddaughter of the Rev. Samuel /
Mott, long since dead, one Sunday evening:
~ Father, do you know that you repeated this
afternoon the very sermon you preached this
morning!" He saw it at once, but his mind be-
ing as active and he as playfully cheerful as
ereT, he had no idea Of admitting it, and SO
pleasantly said, "a Why, daughter, how can you
be so mistaken" ~ But, fathcr,'' she replied,
T.
t. Daughter he replied, was the bread you
made last week the same as you made this!"
*eWhy no, Of course not :: But" he con-
tinucd, g. it was made out OF the same flour,
from the same barrel. in the same way, and
baked in the same oven, and rather think it
must have been just so with my scrnon.'
INTERRUPTED TABLE-TALK~
The other evening the Rev. Hr. Philacter sat
down at the tca-taDle with very thoughtful
air, and attended to the wants OF his brood in
at his wife and said:
1.-The Apostle Paul.
Got an awful lump on the head 'safter-
noon:" broke in the PASTORS eldest son, 4play-
hands when was umpire and cracked me right
above the ear, an' dropped me. Hurtl Golly!'
and the lad shook h1s head in dismal but e1-
p:css.ye pantomime as he tenderly rubbed a
limp that looked like billiard ball with hair
OH it. The pastor gravely paused for the inter-
rupt;on, and resumed:
The Apostle Paul.
"Saw Mrs. O'Ghcminie down at Greenbaum's
this afternoon said bis eldest daughter, adj
dressing her mothc-. ssShe had on the same
old everlasting black silk, made over with yes:
OF ti1lcul green silk coat-tai-basQue pattern.
cverskzt made with diagonal folds in front.
edged with deep fringe; yellow straw hat, with
blue flowers: She's going to Chicago
The good minister waited patiently, and then,
in tones just shade louder than before, said:
- Tic Apostle Paul
Went in swimmin' last night with Harry
and Ben pop, and stepped on clar:-shell,r
exclaimed his youngest son, . cut my loot SO
can't wear my shoe; and please can't stay
hsInc Homegrown
The pastor informed his son that he might
star away iron, the river and then resumed his
topic He said:
= The Apostle Paul says"
:. My teacher is MI awful iar,n shouted the
second son; :: he says the world is as round as
an orange and it turns round a!l the time faster
tllan circus man can ride / guess he hain't
got much sense"
The mother lifted warning finger toward
tit boy and said" sh!" and the father re-
sumed:
:. The Apostle Paul says-''
s. Don't bite of twice as much as you can
Chew broke out the eldest son, reproying the
The PASTORS face showed just tride Of annoy
atce as he said, IN very firm, decided tones:
The Apostle Paul says
"1hcre,s ny IN the butter" shrieked the
Youngest hopeful Of the family, anu gencrai
laugh followed. When silence was restored the
e1ccSe @ @SanshteT, s with an air Of curiosity said:
Fhat the Apostle Paul saids''
eently.. ~ pA''0'' 8o
Then the Committee rose aud the Senate
journed. soo. <1'et "a-
PERSONALS. +:
The Rev- Rowley Hill has been consecrsted
hy the Archbishop of York as Bishop Of sodor
and Man.
Inc Rev. D. N. Bentley, Of Norwich, Conn,
IS A OLD years aud has preached nearly seventy
five years.