The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1877-04-19
HUMOROUS

ANOTHER WONDERFUL BLUE.GLAss
CURR.-An old lady in the western part
Of this State had been afflicted for years.
Her tongue was partly paralyzed. That
part Of IL made 10 tell the truth
was incapable of any motion at all.
Only that part would wag which was
constructed for telling lies. Con-
s~equently she could tell nothing but
lies. She had lied right and left for
years. Nobody ever thought Of beliey-
ing her. The doctors and the minister
had long given up her case as hopeless.
She heard of the wonderful cures eff
fected by blue glass. She had a large
shade or cover made of blue glass, like
those fancy clock covers. Then they
put her I'm IL and set her out in the sun.
Immediately the paralyzed and truthful
side of her tongue commenced to work.
She told nothing but the truth. She
told all the truth she ever knew. She
told everything she did know about
herself and about the family. She
blurted out all the disagreeable family
secrets. She told to all who came near
her how the folks for months had lived
on mush and milk that they might buy
a new parlOr carpet, and how her
brother BACKED his wife's eye before
they had been married a year. That
was enough. They took the shade off
the old woman and mashed it.
A CHICAGO MANS EXPERIENCE WITH
BLUE GLAss.-The blue glass mania has
reached its climax in the sad case of a
GbipaUo man lilo uantinfn on npfinion 20
and bought a pair of blue goggles to
wear on his eyes. He dropped into a
hat store and ordered a little round
piece of blue glass put in the top of his
hat in place of the usual tin ventilator.
He then partook of a dinner of bluefish
at a restaurant with a blue skylight,
dipped his fingers into a blue glass
tinger-bOwl and refused to drink any
thing until the waiter hunted him up a
mug with a blue glass bottom. The
day was now spent, and going home in
a blue light street car the blue glass
man, meeting his children at the door,
refused to kiss any but those having
blue eyes, sat down in a blue chair to
read a copy of the blue laws of Con-
necticut, and got into such a fit of the
blues that he took some blue ink, and,
writing in his will that at his death the
glass in his coffin should be blue glass
and his monument be made of blue
granite, he grabbed one of the cele-
brated BleuX revOlvers and blew out
his brains. Query Didn't "blue grass
have something to do with this?
Mr.. MCPHERSON, who is old enough
to know better, went down to the rink
the other afternoon, and putting on the
roller skates, slid on his back eleven
feet before the slivers stopped him.
When he went home that night and
wanted his back rubbed with salve, his
wife shrieked at the display. "For
mercy's sake" she screamed, "what
ails your back" Calmly he made re-
Spouse, "wTinkles." "Wrinkles ?"
echoed his wife, ''do you call great
welts and scratches and Jumps
wrinkles?" eyes" he said, with a
stifed laugh, Skating wrinkles"
A wELL-KNowN clergyman, who
preached in a village in Massachusetts,,
found his hearers diminishing day by
day, and consulted an old Scoth seafar-
ing man, who could not boast of much
religion, but who stuck by the ship,
why the people would not come to
church. 81 Gamma exactly tell, mon ;
we preached on Spring and Autumn
most beautiful discOurses, and we i'm
proved the great accident and loss of
life on the sound; We might try them
with something out of the Bible, and
being fresh, maybe it would hold them
another Sunday or two!'
A YOUNG MAN who left on a far
Western expedition was bidding his
friends goodbye at the depot, when a
young girl cried out; Bring me the
scalp of a Modo6, won't your" The
young man, feeling a little hurt at her
indifference to his departure, and the
dangers he was about to encounter,
sadly replied: "No, Emma; you should
not look for more hair until you have
paid for that you now wear"
Nor LONG since an intoxicated Eng
lish tar rolled up against Sir Rodney
Mundy, and calculated, with considera-
BILE difficulty, "Get out o. my way!"
GLOW dare you address me like that,
sir ?" demanded the admiral. "DOn't
you know who | am! l am Admiral
Mundy, ""DOn't care ifyou are Admiral
Tuesday week." persisted the sailor.
"Get out o. my way"
BOARDING TACTICs-Mrs. Lirriper /:
Pm Apply to say things is a-loOkin' up
agen. My Earliest gentleman 'as bin
an got hisself crossed in love. Mrs.
Todgers: Lordl Well, l s'spose Pm
unfortunate; but mines the 'ungriest
lot you ever see, and | never 'as the
luck to get domestic Elections among
'em as III take away their appetites.
LoGICAL-Lady Ito ShOpman, after
making him turn over all the stock) {:
"There, that's exactly the quality |
want; but 1t is green, and l want plum
color" %lnsiuuating Shopman: "You
can't do better than take this. Besides,
ma'am, it is plum-color." Lady {:
"What Plum-colorp" Shopman Seer.
tainly. only the plumS are not rpeI"
The son Of poor but honest parents
logged up a basket of potatoes from the
cellar the other evening, to set them by
the stove to keep from freezing. 1t
was a hard job, but being a philosopher
he extracted comfort from 1t. lie said (:
"l'm glad pa is a poor man, if he was
rich he'd have laid in his potatoes by
the barrel instead of by the peck"
He HAD been in the habit of making
E--- u