The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-03-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
A GOOD many men won't admit that
honesty is the best policy, because they
have never tried it and don't want to be
placed in false position
A BALTIMORE paper says that the price
of board hasn't been SO how for the last
ten years, and adds, "and the board
hasn't been so poor, either.
They are going to economic at Sara
toga this year Fourteen trunks full of
store-clothes will pass even a homely
woman through the season.
ANY lady can press her old bonnet
over into the new spring style by placing
it ON pavement block and letting loaded
lce-wagon back over it lengthwise.
The farmer who imagines that old
rope, leaves and shirt-buttons add to the
flavor OF his maple sugar is walking in
the broad way which leadeth down.
THERE is a time for all things. The
time for an ink-bottle to tip over onyour
writing paper, says the Oil City Derrick,
is just when you have finished letter.
A WOMAN is very much like kettle, if
you come to think of it. She sings away
SO pleasantly-then she stops-and,
when you least expect it, she boils over.
Texas wants it distinctly understood
that no more lawyers need enter that
State, unless it be to kill off the doctors,
of which the supply seems mex
haustible.
VIOLET OoLORED ink has suddenly
gone out Of fashion with lovers, who are
returning to the old-fashioned blue.
This latter Ink doesn't stand out SO big
before jury
A SOFT answer tUlrneth away wrath, ="
yet man caught by his wife dealing
out soft answers to a pretty widow next
door says he can prove that the proverb
didn't work we'll in his case.
"MY son." said a doting mother to
her 8-year old, "what pleasure do you
feel like giving up during the Lenten
season ?" 9" Well, ma, [ guess I'll stay
away from school, was the reply.
A TERRIBLE responsibility rests upon
the father of an interesting daughter who
let's the clock run down at 8 o'clock in
the evening, and goes to bed without
winding it up, What temptation and
an excuse for sitting up late.
A New YORK druggist has six calls
per week from women who want to sui
eide He gives them powders in place
of poison, and they are terribly sick, de-
sire to live, and do live, and some of
them marry rich coal merchants.
The Rothschilds have counted their
money again. They have only So, AGO.
100000. And when they got through
counting they looked sad, and drew down
their mouths, and wrung their hands and
said: 'Such awful hard times p
THE POETS GRAVE.
Put away his little poem
Us to publish do not ask it;
Fame through us shall never know him
He has climbed the golden basket.
Gone to meet the communication writ
ten on both sides Of the paper.
THERE is in the heart of every woman
such deep well Of love that no age can
freeze it.-Ercha,2ge That's all very
true, but still one hates to find her in
the hall as he comes in at l o'clock.
There's bare possibility that her love
will freeze up for about a minute.
THIS is the season when, as they
fondly Enger at the gate, he says in
tones tremulous With the ecstasy Of love,
Darling, my own precious darling, one
fond kiss before we part p and a sharp
voice from the upstairs window calls
out, Sarah Jane, you march into the
house. To-morrer is washin' day, and
you amt a-going to lay abed till noon,
now I tell you p
A New YORK paper records that the
wife Of a sexton belonging to one of the
churches in q healthy locality was, last
week, interrupted in the middle of a
harangue upon the hardness Of the times
by person who desired to sell her
couple Of ducks ''Ducks p exclaimed
she, chow can I buy ducks or anything
else? We have not buried living soul
these six months % -....-
"CoULDN'T you give me something to
do?" asked poor boy at Michigan
single factory the other day. "No,"
The boy looked sad, and was about to go
away, when bright thought seized upon
him, and, turning again to the owner, he
inquired FDon't you need a boy to test
shingles on?" But even then the lad
could get no position, for the man had
boy Of his own.
The MOdOcs.