Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1877-05-23

as the longest way home from
dancing school.-La Crosse Free
Press.
Success" says a western sage,
"depends upon the possession OF
three qualities-grit, grip and
gumption."
Why are the days in summer
longer than the days in winter
Because it is hotter in summer, and
heat expands.-Ex.
Soaking the bait in whisky is
new fishing device. SmidgkiDs re-
marks that the old way is to soak
the fisherman in the same liquid
Free Press.
A fellow went into into one Of
our city legal Offices to get an alb
stract Of an evil deed. He was
handed the inaugural address OF
President Hayes.
A cute Kentucky editor remarks
that ninety nine out of hundred
people make a great mistake when
they cut off dogs tail, in throw
ing away the wrong end.
---
One of our lawyers who has re-
Gently received ten-pound boy as
a retainer, says that he felt assured
that it would be an X FOUNDER Of
the law Boston Globe.
Some one says old maids go by
the name Of "wilted lilies" now.
Probably because years agone,
when certain young men asked
them, "Wilt thou!" they wilted
not.-Ex.
The Christian Union says that it
makes a man purer and better to
cherish rejected love. There is
more fun, however. in going of
and making love to another girl
Norwich Bulletin.
"Why, Sammy" said father to
his little son the other day, 81 didn't
know that your teacher whipped
you last Friday" 81 guess" he
replied, eff you'd been in my trou-
sers you'd know'd tx.
ado you ever have any hops In
Maine r. asked New York belle,
who was dressing for ball, Of o
country cousin from the Pine State.
"Oh, yes, lots; pa has about forty
acres of 'em in one field."-Free
Press.
A prim Boston editor asks: els
it proper for young unmarried Ia
dies to be seen upon the stage"
Yes, provided they sit close to the
driver, and don't let their feet
dangle too much over the Sides
Puck.
A witty French lady who was
an adopted member of q famous
military corps, when q cigar was
lighted in her presence with the
remark, 81 suppose they smoke in
your regimentl" said, Eyes, but
not in my company."-Ex.
Mike why don't you fire at them
ducks; don't you see you have got
the whole flock before your gun
/ know have, but wbin get good
aim at one duck, two or three others,
bad luck to thin, will stand right
up betwixt it and me.-Vulcan.
The bric-a-brac mania has had
its day, and now when the hired
girl smashes an old platter it's a
dead loss to the house.-Free Press.
But you ask the man who has TO
shake carpets il he thinks the
bre'k-your-back mania has passed
Chicago Journal.
London, May 12.-An official
Constantinople dispatch says the
Russians having attacked Fri
day" were routed with q loss Of
1000 men. Friday always was an
unlucky day, but then II the Rus
slams cant be content with fighting
the Turks, without attacking the
days Of the week, they ought to be
routed. It's an outrage on poor
Robinson Crusoe. ~
A little four-year-old boy who
had been taught his letters at home
and felt bis Importance, on going
10 school was called up by the
teacher, who asked: "Can you
read, my boyg" The little fellow
stood amazed for q moment at The
impertinence Of the question, end
then exclaimed; "Hain't you goi
.ebeeks eA fat tfAtl