The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1877-06-16
WITTICISMS.


A GOOD suggestion is like crying
baby at a concert; it ought to be carried
out.
| NOTHING makes a bald-headed man
madden than to be accused of not having
cleaned the hairs out of the comb.
AFTER eating green currants chew Il
| piece of raw potato to restore the equan-
unity of your exasperated teeth.
WE know of no better way for a man
to be hated by everybody than to be-
come base ball umpire in close game.
IT is remarked of Chicago couple,
"Two souls with but single thought
how to get rid of each other"
A JEALOUS brother prayed in meeting
Lord, have mercy on us, for Thou
knowest we are the wickedest company
ever gathered together"
1t is a solemn thing for penniIess
young man to lead blusbing bride up to,
the altar and promise to endow her with
all his worldly goods.
SAYS correspondent: "The Grand
Duke Nicholas is i'll. What makes Mic
sic just now? Has he been revictualled
too often? "-B0stoN Globe
"DoN'T leave your old tobacco-quids
where the innocent little children will
mistake them for chestnuts," reads sign
on hotel in Maine
"GREAT uprising of the Poles" was
the startling news sent from Russia re-
Gently. A telegraph company had been
been started and the poles for the wires
were just being erected, that is ALL
PhiladeIphia Bulletin.
A CHILD suffering from rheumatism
was crying pi,eously, when her father,
thinking to divert her mind from the
pain, said: " Minnie, | have just been 10,
see your little cousin Joe, and he has the
measles" She at once cried out: Why
didn't he send me some"
A MOTH-PROOF barrel in which clothes
can be safely stored is late invention.
But this leaves the moth at large. What
is wanted is a barrel in which the moth
can be kept, and thus have the clothes at
| large.-Daac6uy Ne,cs.
THAT Maryland tramp who stalked
into lonely looking farmhouse and de-
manded dinner and suit of clothes
didn't see the dog. The dog saw him,
however. The doctor reported twenty
eight different bites and considerable de-
mutation of epidermus.
A NEW JERSEY paper suggests that
| the shrinkage in the size of the bakers
loaves will soon make, possibly, a scene
| like the following: Customer" Give,
me a pound of those crackers, please"
Crackers, thunder! them's loaves, ten
| cents piece.
DIALOGUE between the Sultan and an
aged officer, bent by years and long SER
vice in the field: " Sire, | am too worn
out to re-enter the service" "That
need not interfere, | Will give you a po-
sition where you will have nothing to do
l will make you paymaster."
THE banana season has set in, and good
people in Rhode Island who rise early go
out and collect the skins off their side
walks and toss them over into Connecti-
cut and Massachusetts,, and then hurry
back into the house before any one looks.
l-N0rcich Bulletin.
YESTERDAY the world seemed dark
and gloomy, and humanity seemed
plunged in deep despair, but to-day the
b al
are made happy by the assurance that
| high-buttoned vests will be in style this
season to cover up the gravy on a fellows
shirt bosom.-Fulton Times.
A PHILOSOPHER says every married
man should have a dog in the house. A
dog will scare off robbers at night, eat up
scraps of meat, and when you come home
out of humor and find supper an hour in
arrears, you can give vent to your wrath
by kicking the animal clear across the
room-N0TT. Herald.
IN the twilight of the coming days,
the small boy, clad in Natures ulster,
may be see shiveringly shining sap
ling to unravel the knots in his apparel,
which has been placed beyond the reach
of tramps by kind companions, while he
was having little swim in the city res
ervoir.- Worcester Press.
OUR forefathers were content to spread
their frugal repast upon the bark they
stripped from the forest trees, but an
aristocracy of to-day not only insist upon
having a $40 dollar extension table, but
stick up their noses if poverty compels
them to use a sheet for table CLOTH
Fulton Times.
SAYS the Bridgeport Standard I'VE
learn that the telegraph operators are
contemplating strike for higher wages.
The war names are what make the
trouble. Frequently when an operator
commences on a RussiTn name about
dinner time, he will lose the meal en-
tirelv, being busy all the noon hour run
ming it off.
ONE stray western grasshopper wan
dered out this way lately and struck
Boston suburban bean patch. When he
got through he lay quietly down, repent
ed of his misdeeds, read a'chapter from
and with Boston girl smooth
ing his forehead passed calmly away into