The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-11-01
A Bald.Headed Man.

The man who has bald head is to be
commiserated.
Every change of season brings him
grief. In cold weather he has to seek
refuge by night in a nightcap; in warm
weather his bald spot is the chosen play
ground and gymnasium for the flies.
They hold high carnival on its polished
convexity, and turn summersaults, and
execute trapeZe, movements, and stand
on their heads, and buzz in a self-satis-
fed, secure sort of tone as if they were
saying to their victim, "Slap away, old
fellow! you can't hit us! you haven't
got eyes in the top Of your head like
usr'
The bald-headed man is prominent
object in church, or in a crowd of any
kind, where custom DEGREES the remov-
al of the hat. One can no more avoid
seeing his shining Uranium, than he
can avoid seeing bright light in a
dark night, even when he is not looking
at it.
He is always described as bald-head-
ed. Inquire about him of a stranger,
and he will tell you that "yOu cannot
miss of finding Jones-he is very baldr'
A young man with a bald head, if he
be sensitive, is continually in hot water.
When he meets young lady who takes
his fancy captive, how careful he is al
ways to keep his face toward her, and
how the cold sweat of apprehension
starts ont on his forehead, when she gets
behind him, and he knows her ''dove-like
eyes of heavens own AZURE are en-
gagged in studying his bald spot!
At lectures and concerts-particular
ly at theaters, where the elevation of
dress-circle, family-circle and gallery
afford such excellent opportunity for
observation, the bald-headed man is al
ways nervous and uncomfortable. He
knows that if the impudent little gam
ms in the gallery do not throw peanut
shells ut his bald crown, it is not be-
cause they do not want to. or because they
do not fully understand what capital
target it would make, and when the
giggling young lady in the first circle
drops her playful on. his head, it is
hard for him to believe it was purely
accidental on her part.
And as he sits and revOlves the mat
ter over, how indignant he feels against
the fashion which compels man to sit
bare-headed in q crowd, while it allows
. woman to invest her money in two
pounds Of chignoa, and an ounce of lace
and feathers, by which all defects in
her upper story are concealed.
= For if a woman be bald-headed, no.
body is the wiser for it, and SO long as
the present style of female hair-dress-
ing continues, it is just as unlikely to
be discovered as the source Of the Nile,
or the precise location of the poles.
Your bald-headed man especially
breads to make calls where there are
children. He does not like to be asked,
elf he varnishes his head like ma does
her boots" and eff he is not afraid his
brains will frceze,' and "if he won't
let me and Tommy draw the map of
Europe on It? cause he's just begin
ming TO draw maps, and this will be SO
jollyr' az o u.
The bald-headed man Of old had
trouble with the boys, you will remem-
Der, but the young rascals met. with
summary punishment, and we have no
doubt but the bald-headed man of the
nineteenth century would rejoice if
there were bears provided to eat-np all
the boys who jeer at their affection!
We are sure we should, if we were a
bald-headed man!-Kate Thorn. mi
Y. Weekly. 81! ), ae. MS lhiy
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