St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-10-05
Squibs.

"Do you know what bull-dozing is 2"
asked a man of an old farmer. 81
thought l did," said the Granger, ''but
the bull wasn't doing; he was only
making believe; and being in the mid
die of a fOrty-acre lot, naturally had
to make pretty quick time to reach the
fence ahead of him."
A man recently wrote to the officials
of the Boston, Concord ahd Montreal
railroad "for chance to run on the
road" He was told he could "run on
the road" as much as he liked if he
would only keep out of the way of the
trains.
A Scotch clergyman, who was hard
labOrer on his glebe, and, when occu-
pied in cultivating it, dressed in very
slOvenly manner, was one day engaged
in potato field, when he was surprised
by the very rapid approach of his pat
ron in an open carriage, with some la
dies whom he was to meet at dinner in
the evening. Unable to escape in time,
he drew his bonnet over his face, ex-
tended his arms covered with his tat
tered jacket, and passed himself off as
scare-crOw.
to banter each other about sculling, and
at once made match, which came off
on the Clyde. When the time arrived,
each man was at the post, and when the
pistol fired both made a steady staIt.
Before they had gone far, the Scotch
man put a couple of boat-lengths be-
tween him and his opponent. Seeing
he was going to have an easy victory,
he rested upon his sculls and allowed
his adversary to pass him. AS soon as
Pat got ahead a short distance, he
shouted, "YOuph, come on, nOw!" Scot
ty put on squirt, and gained the win
ning-pos first by about dozen boat
lengths. As soon as they landed, Sandy
went up to Pat and said, "Weel, mon,
what think We o. yer scullin' moo"
"HOuld yer tongue" said Pat; "if l
had stopped and tuck breath the way
you did, bedad l would ave licked you
twice the length you licked mew
The YanktOn Herald says that the
price of squaw has advanced to 81
and blanket, and hard winter is
predicted.
The cornucopia and the Texas steer
are similar-in that one is the horn of
plenty, and the other is plenty of horn.
A lawyer in Strasburg being in a dy-
ing state sent for brother lawyer to
make his will, by which he bequeathed
his estate to the Hospital des Fons
(IdiOts.) His brother advocate express
ed his surprise at his request. .Why
not bestow it upon them z" said the dy-
ing man, "you know l obtained nv
money from fools, and to fools it ought
to return"
A man having been capitally convict
ed was, as usual, asked what he had to
say why Judgment of death should not
pass upon him "Say ~ replied he,
"why, l think the joke has been car
ried far enough already, and the less
that is said about it the better; so, if
you please, my lord, we'll drop the sub
iect." "The subject may drop" replied
his lordship.
Science says that it took millions of
years to evolve man from the clam
observation shows that it takes less
than minute to transfer the clam into
a man.
A western paper speaks of ga tramp
with sort of half-jaunty air about him.
Most of them do have a sort of demi-
Jointly air about them, that's fact
Ne,c York Commercial Advertiser.
It's all right to yell at young man,
$50 West J" but out this way railroad
who can't drop penniless
passenger exactly in the center of a six
mile swamp on dark night won't hold
his place over four trips.
Chicago Tribune: A young lady on
Royne avenue asked her young man
evening why he called her his
Ultra, and he courteously replied that
it was Latin quotation. HThis,n said
he, ''is my knee, and when add you
to it have my knee, plus Ultra, which
is Latin for Il don't want anything more
OIL my knee Don't you see, my dar-
ling Z" She said she did.
When Michigan butcher, new to the
business, was asked for mutton chops,
he replied that he had left ali the
sleeps heads at the slaughter house,
them as worthless.
A tramp applied to lady in Des
Moines for something to eat, and to the
inquiry as to why he didn't go to work
said there was not any chance to work
at bis trade now. The lady asked him
what his trade was. "Sh0veling sDow,r
was the confident answer. He got his
dinner.
An agent soliciting subscriptions to a
book showed the prospectus to man,
who, after reading zone dollar in boards,
and one dollar and twenty five cents in
Sheep declined subscribing, as be
might not have boards or sheep on hand
when called upon for payment.