The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-06-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

Want OF funds.
THERE are humor and pathos in the
remark of reformed drunkard CT
keep drunk on the tears I she'd"
Now SMILING sprung breaks in upon us,
And flowers spring through the laughing sod
While peaceful men load up their shot guns
To pop the man with the lightning rod.
WHAT is the difference between a spi-
der and duck? One has it's feet per
petually on a web, and the other perpet-
ually web on it's feet.
BRITISH butchers are as mad as hornets
over the arrival of American beef, but
still their customers continue to remark:
"Hi'n take hanother steak hoff that
Hamerican hox."
"WHY, Sammy" said father to his
little son, the other day, CT didn't know
that your teacher whipped you last Fri
day." CT guess" he replied, elf you
had been in my trousers, you'd knoWed
it,"
A sPINsTER lady of SO remarked, the
other day, that she could go alone at 6
months. eyes" said her hateful young
half brother, "and you've been going it
alone ever since, and never euchred
anybody"
SOME rash fellow says that the giving
OF the ballot to women would not amount
to much, for none Of them would admit
that they were old enough to vote until
they were too old to take any interest in
politics.
A HOTEL In Kansas has the following
notice displayed in the bedrooms ''Gen-
tlemen wishing to commit suicide will
please take the center of the room, to
avoid staining the bed linen, walls and
furniture with blood"
SAID one fellow to another, eff I was
as tat-footed as you are, would not be
afraid of slipping on the pavement. !"
Yes, was the response. "some people
are fiat on one end, and some on the
other" And the first looked thought
full, and went On down the street.
"JEss1E, what was Joes arm doing
round your waist when you were at the
front gate last night % asked a pre-
cocious little boy Of his sister.
His arm wasn't round my waist I
won belt from him, and he was taking
my measure" replied the indignant
young lady.
A NOBLEMAN had house porter who
was an enormous eater. Crank" said
he, one day; "tell me how many loins
you could eat % "Ah, my Lord, as for
loins, not many, five or six at most"
And howmany legs of mutton?" "Ah,
as for legs of mutton, not many; seven
or eight, perhaps" "And fatted pull
lets ?" "Ah, as for pullets, my Lord,
not many; not more than Dozen"
"And pigeons?" "Ah, as for pigeons,
not many; perhaps forty-ffty at most
according to appetite - "And larks !"
"Ah, as for that, my Lord little larks-
oreuer, my Lord, forever"
The other day small boy arrived in
Detroit, from Eaton county, with a view
of becoming bootblack and gamin.
They called him "hard nut out there,
but yet he was very innocent lad COM
pared with the Postoffice gang. The
boys here received him kindly, posted
him as we'll as they could, and yesterday
morning he was found in Moffat's alley,
as white as sheet, and looking like
death on pale horse. "You've been
trying to learn to chew tobacco, have
you p asked the officer who discovered
him. II only c-chewed up one plug"
replied the lad, as his teeth knocked to-
gether. 81 think what ails me is the
smell of these brick buildings, and the
sight of so much sidewalk. wish I was
b-back on a farm !''-Detr0t Free
Press.
THE EASTERN QUESTION-PLAINA AS A. B. C.
A was Andrassy who penned famed note;
b Bulg arian in fear for his throat;
C's Constantinope the Gear fain would reach
ID Is the Djehad the Sultan may preach.
ID stands for England, for India afraid;
f is the fleet she dispatched to Port Said:
Gs Mr.. Gladstone, resolutions who moved:
I'll is the House which the same disapproved.
L is Ibrail, now surrounded by Tartars;
j is for Jassy, the Russian headquarters;
* is the knout with which laggards are hit.
LIS lash, that's the English equivalent of it,
Ms Grand Duke Michael, now marching on Kars;
Ms Grand Duke Nicholas, brothers both of the
Cars;
O's for the operations about Oltenitza,
P's for the Pole, Gen. Nepokoytschitski
O's the Eastern question-to be solved by whom?
Rs for the Russians who rushed on Batoum:
S is the Swathes in which they were moved down
T stands for the Turkswho defended the town,
US the Ukase in which war was proclaimed;
represents Varna, a fortress far-fameu
w is Widin, another not bad,
X is the crazy X-Sultan, Mourad.
stands for Young Turkey, trained by Paris teachers
But for the Zealots the softas and preachers.
WnHoFT's Tonic "A SAFE. SURE. AND