The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-10-05
A MAN UNDER THE BED.
How Miss Johnson Found Him and
Bounced Him.
From the New York Times.

| rum INT NtN loIA liilitS
One of the most striking characters
tics of woman is her cheerful persever-
ance of looking under the bed for man
No man in his senses ever looks under
the bed for woman; but there are mil
lions of women in this country who
would find it quite impossible to sleepin
any bed under which they had not pre-
viOusly looked for concealed man. The
average unmarried woman of forty years
of age has usually looked under the bed
at least $500 times without ever once
finding the expected man, but she is not
in the least discouraged by so long a
course of failure; and it would be easy to
find women of ninety years who still
search for the man whom they have
never found.
Miss Johnson, of Evanston, will here
after be famous as 4 woman whose long
perseverance has been signally rewarded.
Il would be indelicate to inquire into
her precise age, had she not described
herselfin a recent affidavit as having
been born in The year 1884, and we may,
therefore, lake it for granted that she
is at least forty-three years old. If We
assume that she began to look under the
bed at the age of fifteen, it follows that
she has performed that ceremony more
than 10000 times. Until last Friday she
never found the smallest fragment of a
man under the bed, but ON that eventful
night her perseverance was rewarded,
and the long sought man greeted her
astonished gaze.
Miss johnson being an unmarried
lady, not wholly unconneeted with the
milliner's trade, and full Of wOmanly in
dependence, resides entirely alone in a
small house containing but three rooms
"a kitchen, shop, and bed room. Dogs
she despises and cats sshe mistrusts, while
as for men, she regards them as poor
creatures who may possibly have their
uses in time of drouth, when water must
be carted from the creek, but who, as
rule, make more trouble about house
than their necks are worth. Holding
these views, it naturally follows that Miss
Johnson lives alone, and the cool bravery
with which she locks up her house at
night and seeks her solitary couch, no
matter ifa first class thunder storm is in
progress, has for years been the admira-
ton Of the more timid Of her sex.
1t was about IL o'clock last Friday
night when Miss johnson stopped down
and looked under her bed for possible
man, precisely as she had done on 10000
previous nights. Whether she was or
was not astonished at perceiving a large
sized man lying under the bed, with the
back Of his head toward her, will never
be known, but at any rate she gave no
sign of astonishment, and did not even
inform the man that she saw him. On
the contrary, she resumed with great
deliberation the nocturnal twisting OF
her back hair, and even softly hummed
Hold the Fort with as much distinct
ness as could be expected Of woman
while holding comb between her teeth.
| Her back hair being finally finished,
she opened her window, turned down
the lamp until it gave forth dim and
modest light, and then stepped graceful
ly into bed, but not to sleep
| The sagacious woman was perfectly
well aware that the man under the bed
not suspecting that he had been discov
cred, would creep forth with a view TO
plunder as soon as he found that she was
asleep. The bedstead stood in one cor
ner of the room, and from the position
of the man it was plain that he wonld
creep out at he side Of the bed. Miss
Johnson, therefore, changed her usual
manner of composing herself 10 rest, and
lay, as she subsequently expressed it,
fiat as pancake" with her head pro-
jected over the side of the bed at the
precise locality where she expected the
man toappear. For at least half an hour