The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1877-07-24
Spiikins Has a Mishap.


hawks, and attends with great regulari-
ty the weekly meetings of the lodge
AT times they are called meetings, say
TO bury u brother M. NJ; or he is on u
committe, so that many evenings of this
sober minded grocer are occupied by the
M. Nj. IS, much to the wrath and discom-
fort of Mrs, SpillIins, who does not ap-
prove Of "m men brutes," as she styles
the lords of creation, "gettin' Off by
theirselves' in a secretive way.
g No tellin' what they're up to Oh
them occasions" she remarks.
One thing that aggravates the disorder
is that Spilkins takes something at these
meetings of the Meandering Mohawks,
noble red men, that flies to his legs and
strangely affects his speech, so that she
would think he was drunk only Deacon
Snorton who is also brother Mohawk,
assures her that no liquor is allowed at
the lodge, and then at all other times
Brother Spilkins is as steady and sober
as Judge Humphries.
Mrs. Spilkins, however, got to be so
exasperated at the frequency of these
meetings and the shaky condition of the
grocer, that she undertook their suppress
sion by depriving him of the night key.
Some nights after, this courageous wom-
an, who, like all other married ladies',
has been for years looking for man
under the bed was awakened by some
one breaking in the house over the
kitchen shed, and, arming herself hasti-
ly with poker, she made the window
just in time to meet mans head COM
ing in at this orifice of their edifice.--
Nothing but a thick felt hat saved Spill
kins from an immediate and violent
death. AS it was, he went among his
customers nursing lump on the outer
surface of his intellect that resembled in
size and shape goose egg done in bds
yelief.
Mrs. Spilkins, not wishing to murder
the father of her innocent children, re-
stored him his night key, with an ad-
dress on the occasion that we regret was
notreported, for it was n sweet bit of ell
OHuShb ubUSluiOC, thab sulu uIttE, lOOh
about an hour in passing any one
point.
Our friend and neighbor continued his
regular-irregulaI attendance upon the
Meandering MS, a purely social and
charitable institution, until one night or
rather one morning-for the iron tongue
of time had told the witching hour when
graves do yawn, according to Shakes
peare-we suppose from being bored -
when this estimable citizen and tax-pay-
er worked his way into his own and
wife's sleeping apartment. This was no
easy work, as he wished to seek his
couch without disturbing the partner of
his domestic joys and sorrows. Under
these circumstances the total depravity
of inanimate things is really amazing
There was, as there always is, rocker
of chair waiting in grim silence for
the fatal shin. Spilkins collided on this,
and suddenly drawing up his limbs, ut
tered profane expression. Mrs. S. now
awake, heard in wrath that profanity in
the presence of her innocent babe. She
heard, Immediately after, her liege lord
working his way, apparently over an
exceedingly rough country, in north
easterly direction. He seemed to be 60
ing, over tables and chairs, to ward
robe, which he appeared to be assaulting
with his head. From this supposed
point, so far as latitude and longitude
could be learned under the circum-
stances, the tumultuous creature appear
ed to be moving in southerly direction.
He seemed to be wrestling for a time
with dressing bureau. After, he tried
conclusions with coal scuttle, and
then followed dead silence. Mrs. Spill
kins took this occasion to make a re-
mark
You drunken BRUTE" she said, in
enforced calmness, are you going to
break everything in the house Yn
No response came.
What's the matter with you-what
has come of your jaw ?"
This brought forth only groan that
alarmed Mrs. Spilkins. Had s., grocer
a fit ?"
Why don't you answer ?" she scream
ed, at the risk of waking the baby.
"Anner Marier Spilkins," solemnly
hiccoughed Spilkins. "I've gone and
done It,.
"Done whatp"
f"Done murder ~
What ?"
%I gone (hic) and sot on the (hic) baby