Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-04-06
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How He MADE THE MIsTAKE.-Ala lady
who determined to surprise her husband a
few nights ago bought him new pair of
rubbers and placed them by the bedside.
so that when he came in she could enjoy
his delight at such a fond exhibition of
love and affection. The man staid out so
late that his wife fell asleep, and when he
He was just about to stab himself with
cheese-knife, when he reconsidered his in
tention, and determined to rouse his wife
and tell her that he knew all. Grabbing
her by the hair he yelled out: "This once
happy home is desolated by faithless wo-
mans perfdy," and pointed to the ever
shoes. 1t took nearly two hours to ex-
plain, and then he forgave her, with the
understanding that she would make him
pair CT slippers with his monogram and
a green dog on the top.
SCOTTISH ANECDOTE.-A wellknoWn
member Of the Scottish bar, when youth
was somewhat of dandy and, withal,
somewhat sharp in his temper. He Was
once going to pay a visit in the country,
and was making a great fuss in his prepa-
rations. His old aunt was much annoyed
at all this hustle, and asked, cohtemptuous-
ly; '.Wha's this you're gaun, Bobby,
that We max SIC a grand Wark about yer
claes ?" The young man lost his temper,
ard pettishly replied: I'm going to the
DEVIL Deed, Robby, theu,'' Was the
quiet answer, Eye medina be sac nice, he IL
just taxi ye as ye are.''
sWhat Is going on in the reXt room,
waiter ?" asked staid committee man al
leading hotel the lher night. They're
havin' a little game there, Sir" responded
the attendant, and just then somebody Ill
the apartment referred to then baM led,
''Pass the buck at Which the coed mans
face cleared, and lie said, ooh, L see;
venison supper" and tie committee bnsi-
ness went on.
A tramp called al the house OF a rotor
ously stingy family yesterday for some
oO1-N
He looked at it as he passed out OF the
ward. and returned to the hou e. Whei,
the woman came to tie Gcor lie handed hef
the bone, and SAID Il wont be able to
make any use of that; l lett my telescope
in my other coat.'' And heavibg a sigh,
he departed.
Two friends, an Englishman and an
Irishman, travelling, had a double bedded
room at an inn. Being awoke by a noise
in the night, the EngiisEman called to his
companion to light a candle. w here Is
it?'' asked Pat. AT your right hand, Gu
the table" Are you crazy?" cried Pa.
'.How can see which is my right hand i'll
the dark?"
A clergyman was preparing his discourse
for Sunday, stopping occasionally to re-
v ew What lie had written and TO erase
that Which he dIsapproved, ahei. lie Was
aecosted by his little son, who NUMBERED
but five summers: Father, does God tell
you what to preach?' ''Certail.ly, MY
chlld.' .sThen what makes you scratch
it cut?"
An old woman who went into tie poultry
business sometime since, under The "a
pectation OF making a fortune by sellll =
eggs, has quilted it in disgust, because: as
size says, The hers VIII never lay wheI
eggs are dear, but always begin as soon as
they get Cheap
The Church: "Church fairs work as
follows: Snme ladies borrow money from
their husbands, buy materials aud make
I'D fancy articles, which they give to thtli
fair. They then change places, borrow
more money. and buy the articles back
again.
"Triplets," said the doctor sententious-
". The husband of year rushed out on
the back porch, thought upon his slender
income, glared upon the snowclad yard,
and exclaimed with wild mocking laugh,
''Son-struck in January.'
The ideas are not necessarily related
but when you overhear a servant girl sing
ing ''Silver Threads Among the Gold -
while she is mixing the buckwheat batter,
it unfavorably affects your appetite for the
cakes.
A Federal street man had just said to a
friend, ''Lets take another when his
wife turned the corner, but his duty to his
wife was not forgotten. ''vieW Of the
political situation" he added.
The Philadelphia papers are agitating
for the introduction of 'sthe needle in
public schools'2 The boys who practice
with bent pins have been preparing the
way for this innovation.
A blue glass chimney on the parlor lamp
will bring young man up to the point OF
proposing to cross-eyed maiden with
store teeth, in three Sunday evenings.
A fashionable young man in a fit CT econ
omy and true benevolence, had one of his
high linen collars converted into three
shirts, which he donated to the poor.
Nothing is more to be dreaded than by
drophobia. Remember. then, that it can
always be prevented by rapidly climbing a
tree when mad dog is going by.
She was telling a female friend how
Mary Jane quarrelled with her ''feller,'
and said she, "Why, if you heard eln talk
you'd think they were married.
A man addicted to snoring remarked to
his bed fellew in the morning that he slept
like top Il know it, said the other,
like humming top
The times are so hard that some of our
best citizens have sadly relinquished their