Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-03-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

WHAT odd heads the ladies must
have. A Paris writer says that ladies
will have bonnets of seventy-two shapes
to choose from next spring.
Now send On to your Congressman
for an agricultural report. There are
800, 900 copies to be printed for distri-
button, and kindling is still pretty dear {.
ONE of Evarts' sentences and one of
Alexander III. Stevens paragraphs met,
the other day, and chatted in friendly
way for seventeen or eighteen hours.
A BLUE glass chimney on the parlor
lamp will bring young man up to the
point of proposing to a cross eyed
maiden with store teeth, in three Sun
day evenings.
"MY son." said doting mother to
her eight-year-old, what pleasure do
you feel like giving up during the Len
ten season." well, ma, | guess I'll
stay away from school," was the reply.
An Irish housemaid boasting of her
industrious habits, said she rose at four,
put on the kettle, prepared the break
fast, and made all the beds before any
one in the house was up.
"WHAT would you do if mamma
should die?" she pathetically asked of
her little three-year-old daughter. 81
don't know" remarked the infant,
with downcast eyes and q melancholy
voice, 81 Impose [ should have to
thpank myself !"
"IT is impossible !" said ] to French
peasant lad who was telling me tough
story about miracle-working chair in
a neighboring church. "There's moth
ing impossible" he answered, "but a
stick with but one end; and if you 60
to Charities you'll see it" "See what?
the stick, or that there is nothing else
impossible?" replied. Neither; but
you will see Chartres."
The cobbler's words: ~ feel that
wax weaker each succeeding day, and
that am fast approaching my end;
q few more stitches and all will be
over, and / shall go where there is rest
for the weary sole, and every sorrow
will be heeled." Having said awl he
wished, be calmly breathed his last.
WHEN asked by q young man who
contemplated emigration what he
thought of Texas as g. place of res
idence, old Ben Wade flew into furi-
Gus rage and shouted: off / owned
Texas and hell, I would not hesitate to
rent Texas and live in the other place."
A Boston firm is the author of this
exquisite little thing:
Those chamber sets last fall that sold
At fifty dollars each,
Are now marked down to thirty five,
Within the poor mans Oh.
CHILDREN have intuitions as we'll as
grown people, and when youngster is
told that he can only have two crullers,
he waits until his mothers back is
turned, and then his intuitions teach
him to anticipate the time when he
will want two more.-Brooklyaa Argus.
A BOSTON clergyman had clerical
brother as q guest, and at breakfast the
visitor was asked to invoke blessing.
It was an opportunity he felt bound to
improve, and the expected brief invoca-
ton had already stretched out in long
prayer, and the beefsteak was getting
cold, when an impatient little one of
the household shouted out, "Say Amen,
Mister p It is unnecessary to add that
the wish of the youngster was quickly
gratifed.-Boston Traveller.
TooLE, the Irish comedian, is acting
in a burlesque in London, and, as one
of the great Kentucky rifle team, it is
highly amusing to hear him undertake
ing to edo his level best" to hit fly
on the far mountain slope, and then
magnanimously decline the feat in the
words: "No, sir; see that fy's back is
turned, and will never take advantage
even of fly"
A FEW weeks ago, some young men
tried to establish debating club in a
Missouri town. The question under
discussion the first night was Is love q
stronger passion than anger" The
debate waxed warm. One young
man had just alluded to the drowning
of the Egyptians in the Red Sea as an
instance of the Lords love for the
Israeites. In answer, his opponent
said: "Why, Mr.. President, it was
anger, sir. The Lord got the Egyp-
tians in tight place, and He slapped
it to 'em, SIR" Verdict for the anger"
party
THE nerves'of women, says the Aus
tin (Nev. Reyeills, are something hard
to understand. A woman who can
throw tea-cup at her husbands head
with unerring aim will wake the echoes
with her screams the next minute If
bug happens 70 light on the back OF her
neck; and the woman who will coony
horsewhip the man who slandered ner
will Jump on a chair and boiler blue
murder at the sight of mouse on q
carpet.