St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-12-21
Squibs.

A man with false set o. teeth does
not necessarily have falsetto voice.
Habberton accounts for the foolish
ness of the small boy. ''The small boy
had father, and this father was once
small boy himself"
Speaking of a quack doctor who
treats rupture, the Baltimore Every
Saturday says: "One of the most acute
cases of the disease that has come to
our notice exists half way between this
eminent quack's chin and his nose."
If you dream of a stuffed oyster
shell, dancing in its ulster, to the tune
of "Hold the Fort,n while club footed
Indian looks on and chews gum, it is
sign that it is going to rain when your
blonde cousin gets married. If it is
brunette cousin, you have got to dream
something else. Puck.
Scene on the New York train-Con-
ductor Ito lady with small boy)-"Have
to pay half fare for him, ma'am." Lady
-"All rightw Hands out $40 note.)
COnductor-"Haven't you any smaller9"
Lady (alarmed)-"None but that six
months old baby over there" Con-
ductOr explOdes and explains. Fact =
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Milwaukee Sentinel tells this sto-
ry of Congressman Williams of Wis
consin In his first campaign one of his
children accompanied him on an cleo
tioneering tour. After Mr.. Williams
had made one of his finest speeches,
the little one, before the meeting closed
rushed up to him and piped out, ''Papa,
where do we show tomorrow night
Amt it fun ?n
We had two cherub children,
Alas alas, for wei
But Patterson and Conover
Have packed their bags and gone over
Across the Jordon sea.
Gone to the D.
The writer of the above obituary
wishes it understood that the allusiOn
of the last line is to the democratic par
ty.-Phila. Cash-Book.
In the early days of Methodism in
Illinois, minister who had just come
West, and who still spoTted a high hat
and broadcloth coat, rose at confer
ence and said 81 am against stealing
in every shape and therefore, move the
adoption of the following resolution
Resolved, that i'll the opinion of this
conference it is just as sinful to steal
government timber as any other kind
of property" Whereupon brother
clergyman, clad in homespun, rose up
and responded: "It is evident that the
brother who introduced this resolution
is newcomer, and does not know the
wants and necessities of this commune
ty. | move that the resolution be laid
on the table," And it was laid on the
table.
A Denver woman who bought a
stamp at the post-office the other morn
ing asked the engineer of that depart
ment to stick it on for her. He inquir-
ed if she could not stick it on herself,
and she replied that she could not, be-
cause she was an entire stranger in
Denver. In about fifteen minutes an
Irishman made the same request, Civ
ing as reason that he was unable to
read or write.
Rossini, walking one day in Passy
with a friend, passed stout street.
musician, singing to guitar in the
most horrible fashion. The composer
stopped, and gave the vocalist piece
Of money. "Whatin said his friend.
you encourage this robust
!? He has no infirmity need
ing pity" "Oh ~ said Rossini, "didD't
YOU hear the voice with which he is af-
ficted ~
Elnora Both of your poems are
wrong in metre, and we think that you
will discover that two wrongs don't
make one write poetry. Whitehall
Times.