Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-08-08

In graveyard near Paris there is this
inscription upon q monument: Here
reposes in peace, after si7y gears Of mar
11ed life, Mr.. and Mrs. -"
That's very singular" said young
lady to a gentleman, who had just kissed
her. ooh well, my dear miss, L will
soon make it plural.
The young man who cast his eyes on
lady coming out of church, has had
them replaced by going to the altar with
her, and now sees as well as ever.
Serenade Home, sweet home, dab
am no place like home" Colored lady
at the window: "Wel, you Jest better
git along home Or I'll frow somfin."
Young lady, (who is tired of his COM
pany,) You amt bit nervous, are
you, Mr.. Post? All my gentlemen ac-
quaintance start when it strikes twelve"
A little boy, disputing with his sister
on some subject, exclaimed Its true,
for ma says SO and if ma says so, it is
50, even if it amt SO p
Probably one of the most trying times
in mans life is when he introduces his
second wife, seventeen years old, to his
eldest daughter, who is past twenty
An editor at a dinner party, being
asked if he would have some pudding,
replied in a fit of abstraction, " Owing
to the press of more important matter,
we are unable to find room for it."
A bashful young clergyman recently
rising to preach for the first time, an
nounced his text in this wise "And
Immediately the cock wept, and Peter
went out and crew bitterly"
A father Of three sons and five daugh-
ters was asked what family he had. The
answer was, II have three sons, and
they have each five sisters" "MercyW
replied the interrogation "such fami-
Typ
A girl worked the motto, I need thee
every hour" and presented it to her
chap. He says he can't help it; it takes
him two hours to milk and feed the pigs,
morning and night, and business has got
to be attended to.
They were talking of death, when
one man asked "What were his last
words?' +" He didn't say anything" was
the reply. " That's just like him" said
the first man, with an approving nod.
"There was no gas about him. He was
all business"
"Im afraid you'll be late at the
party" said an old lady to her stylish
granddaughter, who replied, "Oh, you
dear grandmother, don't you know
that in our fashionable set nobody
ever goes to a party till everybody gets
there?"
A young fellow offered to bet the
principal of female seminary, who
was always boasting Of the proficiency
of her pupils in grammer, that not one
of them would decline noun he could
name, and he named the insignificant
noun, husband.
A dandy of twenty-six having been
! termed an cold bachelor" appealed to
an elderly gentleman to decide whether
he should be called old or not, giving
his age as twenty-six." Said the ell
derby gentleman 1T is owing to how
you take it. Now, for man, it is Young
enough; but, for a goose, it is rather
old"
The unhappy Kentuckian who bet on
every race during the week and lost
every time, illustrates the freaks of for
tune in this respect. He had Just fifty
dollars left, and in sheer desperation
cried out in the crowd that assembled
at the hotel, after the races: "I'll bet
fifty dollars / can name two men in this
crowd who have twenty-three fingers"
When the bet was taken, this child of
fate continued Anybody'll do. Here,
my friend, I'll take you. have thirteen
fingers and you have ten that makes
twenty-three. [ knew there was one bet
[ could not lose" The stranger gazed at
him a moment with q plying expression,
and then said "Well, I'm sorry for
you. You have struck hard streak of
| luck. [ had three fingers shot off at
Chicamauga !"
On one occasion Daniel Webster was
on his way to his duties at Washington
He was compelled to proceed at night
| by stage from Baltimore. He had no
travelling companion, and the driver had
a sort of felon-look which produced no
uncomfortable alarm in the Senator ~
endeavored to tranquilize myself" said
Webster, :" and had partly succeeded,
when we reached the dark woods be-
tween Bladenburg and Westinghouse
proper scene for murder and outrage
and here, [ confess, my courage aga,n
deserted me. Just then the driver turned
to me, and, with a gruff voice, inquired
my name. [ gave it to him. Where
are you going? said he. The reply
. was, To Washington. [ am a senator
Upon this the driver seized me fervently
by the hand, and exclaimed: How
glad | am [ have beed trembling in
my seat for the last hour for when I
looked at you l took you to be a high
wayman ?"
A Horse that Had Habit of Kickin'.
The following incident is stated to