St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-04-27
Squibs.

The Britishers address him as clay
HOakey AL" and this will soon kill out
his proud spirit and send him back to
Il broken reed.
A country girl wrote to her lover:
''Now, George, don't you fale to be at
the singing-school tonight" George
wrote back that Gin the bright lexicon of
youth Webster's Unabridged there's
no such word us fale."
The will of the rich man of the future
will read: "TO the respective attor-
neys of my children give my entire
estate and worldly goods of all descrip-
tions. Personally to the children and
to my beloved wife | give all that re-
mains" This instrument will satisfy
the family and save the trouble of prov
ing the old man Insane.
"Ducksm exclaimed the seXton's wife,
chow can | buy ducks or anything else
We have not buried Il living soul these
six months! !"
''De new preacher is mo- larnt dan
Mistuh Boles was but, Lol' bless you,
sab he amt got de doleful sound like
Mistuh Boles had. No, indeedy p
"Grandma, why don't you keep
servant any longer?' "Well, you see,
my child, l am getting old now, and
can't take care of one as | used to, you
know
Servant answering door-belI rung by
little ragged boy Come, go right away;
we have got nothing for YOU Boy
Hain't asked you for nothin' yet, have
|? Servant (banteriugly)-Well, what
would you have asked for? BOy-Didn't
know but this house was for sale, and
if it was wanted to buy it.-Neu York
EUening Post.
A female from the country called for
Il Welsh rabbit at ii Washington street
restaurant, and denounced the waiter
because there was no part of Il rabbit i'll
the dish served. "And no later than
yesterday" said the wearied waiter,
there was IA man i'll here who growIed
because there was hare in the butter
can't please 'em all, any y."-BOstOn
Bulletin.
Little Sandy, the bootblack, was skip
ping down Griswold street, yesterday,
when il policeman asked him if anything
was up. "Guess Jim Blaine is up there
in an insurance Office" replied Sandy.
Jim Blaine? Why, is he III town."
''Well, it's ii fellow who is throwing his
arms around, hopping up and down,
and yelling out: Il won't be quiet |
can't be put down ! banker for blood
You lie-you lie = You'd better 90 up
there, for they are fixing to put a head
on him, whether he's Jim Blaine or not. :"
Detroit Free Press.
Senior to freshman, as they stroll
along the street at midnight: GLOW
wonderful are the heavens Only think,
it takes thousands of years foI the light
from some of those dim stars to reach
u.s." PhilosOphic freshman : Eyes, but
| say, suppose IL ray of light has just
started from one of those stars, and
after it has travelled thousand years to
reach the earth, suppose the earth to
be suddenly annihilated what ter
rihle disappointment not to find the
earth after all Or, suppose an astronO-
mer traces up ray of light and finds
no star, but only hole at the end of il,
the star having gone out thousand
years befOre-hOw unsatisfactory that
would be !" Utter collapse of senior
Yale Record.
When IL young man from Harvard is
asked if he will always love her thus,
he replies, ''Will evolution from the un-
conditioned working in prOtOplasm by
accretiOn and absorption produce the
organic cell ?" Then he inquiries Ian
guidly if there are any cold beans about
the house.
That splendid bass voice" with which
| President Hayes is said to have sung
Coronation" at church the other Sun
day, the Ohio State Journal pronOunces
myth: "Hayes can't sing any more
than canal-bOat. He stampeded
Averil's whole cavalry division once
trying to sing John Browns Body
They thought it was the long roll"
Burlington Hawkeye: "When a San
Franciscan gets to be immensely wealthy
he builds palace of "A stable, with mar
| ble halls, Brussels carpets, and hot and
cold water in every stall Il Chicago
millionaire builds hotel nine stories
| high a New Yorker builds il hospital ;
IA BOslOnia builds college, and IL Bur
lingtOn man builds another bay window
to his house and paints his front fence"
SOLOMON AND LIFE INSURANCE
One day, just after King Solomon had
written column of solid nOupareil wise
and moral proverbs, he took his eldest
son bv the elbow, led him down the
back stairs Of the palace, through the
back yard, past the woodshed, out into
the alley, backed him up behind Ahith-
ophel's wood-pile, looked warily around
to see that no one was listening, and
whispered into the young mans ear,
"My son, il little Office i'll IA spread eagle
life-insurance company is better than il
CARLOAD of preferred stock in the Ophir
mines" And then the monarch threw
his head on one side, drew in his chin,
shut one eye, and gazed at his offspring
in silence. Three years afterward, when
the Great Hebraic Consolidated Stormy
Jordan Life Assurance Company, of
which that intelligent young Prince was
President, went into bankruptcy, the
young man was able to let his father,
who was little short at the time, have
275, 600 shekels for ninety days, on his
simple note of hand.-BurtingtOm Hdok-
eye.