The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-12-27
SENSE AND NONSENSE,

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
Qu1cKsrLvER-The nimble sixpence.
WOMEN now wear buttons all over
them.
ALL trains are now worn long and
narrow.
ANEW YORK jury has decided that
wedding presents belong to the wife.
A wHIPsAw: Trouble drives u man
to strong drink, and strong drink drives
him into trouble.
WHEN mother goes on q whaling
expedition she rarely fails to get all the
blubber she wants.
A PARIs1AN EPITAPH-"I, lying
helpless in the ground, while my tomb
stone lies above me-"
ALL dress sleeves are worn closer
than ever, and some are so close that it
is difficult to bend the arm.
KID gloves are cheaper than at any
time since the war-probably because
mitts are coming into vogue.
In Southern California men outnum-
Der the women ten to one. Women
servants there get forty dollars q
month.
IT is the custom now to buy two we'd
ding rings, instead of one. The groom
wears one as we'll as the bride.-N. Y.
Graphic.
A NEW YORK dramatist is writing q
play to be called the Savings Bank"
We predict for it tremendous rum
Philadelphia, Bulletin.
ANN Soaring was sent up for steal
ing an ulster Overcoat in Wall street.
This, however, can scarcely be the fine
Ann-Searing we have heard of in that
locality.-N Y. Graphic.
HE gave her hearty smack. =" Don't
kiss like that" she said, II want q
sweet, tender pressure when I'm kissed.
I don't want any fireworks" He left
out the explosion in the next act.
A YOUNG New Yorker, who is paying
his addresses to lady-lovc, stayed SO
late, a few evenings since, that the
family were compelled to whitewash
the wall next morning to obliterate his
shadow.
A WEALTHY New Yorker, whose only
daughter fell in love with Vermont
rustic, paid the young man $75 to 60
West and break off the match. The
boy hung for $50, but finally took what
was offered.
AFTER the recent cyclone in the Gulf
of Mexico the beach near Galveston,
Texas, was strewn with human bones
washed up by the waves and supposed
to have been the remains of the persons
lost with the "City of Waco"
WHEN man borrows dollar of you
and doesn't return it just remember
that the human system changes every
seven years. At his next change he may
have money to lend, and you may be
on the borrow.-DetroI Free Press.
IT is said that at three years old we
love our mothers; at six, our fathers;
at ten, our holidays; at sixteen, dress;
ut twenty, our sweethearts; at twenty
five, our wives; at forty, our children,
and at sixty, ourselves. Globe.
My friend, have you a sulking wife1
Don't go and worry ON it.
But try and use diplomacy,
It's best-depend upon it.
Don't beg and coax-don't 60 and write
A poem or sonnet,
No.:rouse her dropping spirits with
brand-new winter bonnet.
THERE is some foundation for the
vampire legends after all. Crooks,
an English engineer, while surveying
the Isthmus of Darien, had his blood
sucked during sleep by Il vampire bat,
and died from the consequent exhaus-
ton.
EVERY morning the ghost of a bust
ed Bank-o rises in Chicago. The pa
pers there keep the article set up all
the while, leaving blanks to slip in the
name of the fiduciary institution and
the name of the country to which the
President has departed. Y. Graphic.
SUGGs-" That off mule of yours is a
fine beast. What do you call him?"
Bluggs-" Fact" Sand what do
you call the other?' B." Fact. ="
S." What! call 'em both Fact? How
is that?" Why, you see, Facts
are such stubborn things"
YOUNG WIFE" My dear, don't be
eternally finding fault with the fashion.
II you don't like the style of my hair
don't dress yours in that way, that's
all. If I were to follow your example
| should have to wear my hair bald
headed" Husband collapses.-PMcE.
DURING cholera time, an undertaken,
being asked by lady who was employ
ing him at some household work,
whether he would have glass now or
wait till he had finished the Job, "rll
be takin' the glass moo, men," said the
artisan, ''for there's been q power o.
sudden deaths lately.''
WHILE VIM. Chambers, of Culver
Township, Ottawa County, Kan,
was rubbing down horse, the other
night, the animal was struck by light
ming. Chambers hand was on the
horses back at the time, but, while the
animal was killed, Chambers was only
stunned, and speedily recovered.
AN exchange, in a well-written arti-
Gle on physical culture, says: It is
wonderful how fascinating the simple
act of walking may become" All, yes;
but for real enchanting, enslaving fas-
cination, the simple act of sleeping,
especially at seven a. m, knocks the
destinations of walking higher than a
burnt boot.-Burlington Hawk-Eye.
Two YOUNG American attorneys were
wrangling for long time before Judge
Knox, of Virginia, over a point of law.
His Honor rendered his decision, and
the "sprig'' who had lost impudently
remarked, "Your Honor, there is a
growing opinion that all the fools are
not dead yet" Certainly" answered
the Court. with unruffled good humor;
~ quite agree with you, Mr.. Blank,
and congratulate you upon your healthy
appearance"
Modern Tr0glodytes.
THE Troglodytes, or Cave-Dwellers,
were tribes who inhabited ancient Nu-
bia. They became entirely extinct
about the second century of the Chris
tian era. They were an inferior race,
and the impure air of the caves, where
they constantly lived, reduced their
=, N ,.,.O~sy ,hocko ov1I Rno11~, na,,coI A. 80