The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1877-10-18
Mr.. Parker Trifles with Powder.

Mr.. Parker, besides being philan-
thropist, is scientist. He is interested
in all the discoveries of the modern phil
osophers, from Polycarp P. Pillycamp
down to those lately assembled at Nash
Vile. Mr.. Parker reads all the trans
actions of all the societies for the pro-
mitigation of This, That, and The 9th
err, and discourses learnedly thereon.
Yesterday Mr. Parker read that lady
had presented paper before the Science
Association in Nashville, in which, among
other val &s.big lsfifflgs, she had suggested
a method for the determination OF mos
quitoes. "Take POWDER" said this. es-
Unable woman, "and place it in a
shovel; close all the doors and windows
of your room, and then explode the
powder, The conclusion will extermi-
nate all the mosquitoes in the apart
ment."
~What discovery" said Mr.. Par
ker, as he read, glowing with excite
ment, and emphasizing his remark with
a resounding Slap on the bald spot on
top of his head, where one of the pests
whose destruction he was meditating
had established himself in business.
2 "Great guns" continued he, "what
noble idea. So simple, SO inexpensive,
so easily applied. No complicated ap-
paratus needed; only a shovel. Who is
there that hasn't shovel and pound
or two of powder? Where is there a
grocer''s shop at which one can not get
powder? And only to think that this
philanthropic invention should have
been struck out, in moment of inspir-
alton, by woman! Oh, woman!"
said Mr.. Parker, ecstatically, Sin our
hours of ease, uncertain, coy, and hard
to please, but when mosquitoes nip the
brow, fierce, destroying angel thou!"
At the conclusion of this apostrophe to
woman, Mr.. Parker, Selling his shovel
in his right hand, and pointed it
toward heaven, and, assuming the atti-
tude of Liberty Enlightening the
World, shouted sTableau!' in loud
voice. Then he went out and bought
two pounds of powder.
When Mr.. Parker returned to his
room he made elaborate preparations.
He closed the windows carefully, and,
to secure the best results, stuffed cotton
in all the cracks, then he shut all the
doors and locked them. After he had
finished those arrangements he glanced
about the room.
Two fat mosquitoes sat leering at him
from the top of his bookcase. All was
calm without; through the closed win
dows came the muffied hum of the city's
myriad activities. The wall of a peri
patetic glazier could be family heard,
and his pathetic glass puddin sound
ed like prophecy. The sun shone
brightly, the birds sang sweetly, the wa
tiers of the bay danced to the fluting of
the breeze. Within all was silence and
expectation. "Aha!n said Mr.. Park
er, pouring the powder into the shovel
and perhaps fancying himself modern
Guy Fawkes-'' s'death, odds bodkins,
caitiffs, thine hour has come" Che was
addressing the mosquitoes), " thy shrift
shall be short one. Marry come up, by
my halidom!n By this time the shovel
was full of powder, and dropping his
character of conspirator Mr.. Parker
rubbed his hands cheerfully together
and began to hunt for match. At last
he found one; he scratched it upon the
wall, but before he applied it he thought
of passage from Orpheus. 'sJust the
thing" said he, :" for funeral Grafton
"I'l1 give it to 'em.e Then, keeping
one eye on the fat mosquito and the 9th.
er on the match, he said: 81 have
placed my hand in the hamper. have
tasted the sacred barley. have beaten
the drum. l have said 'konox ompax
and it is finished'" Mr.. Parker touch
ed the match to the powder-!!!!!!,
1t was finished.
As the policeman conducted Mr.
Parker through the streets half an houl
after the explosion the boys thought the
tattooed man had been arrested for get
ting drunk, to such an extent had tn,
epidermical administration of powde
changed the philanthropic countenanc
of Mr.. Parker.
"What have you to say, sir, agains
the charge of attempting to blow up tn
city?" asked the stern Sergeant in tn
station-house.
6 1t was great surprise to me, sir,
said Mr.. Parker, in dazed manner
"and have no doubt it was a surpris
10 the mosquitoes.
What can the man mean? TAX
him to the deepest dungeon MEATH -
''Ef We please, Sergeant, | knows thi
gent. Il is a scientific gent, an was
trying an Experiment wen it went of
sir.n The speaker had a box full c
glass on his back it was the man who's
"glass puddin'" had sounded like
prophecy.
"Saved!" said Mr.. Parker.
The peripatetic glazier had It jo
which took him three days to finish
NeD York World