The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-04-14
E.. NJ. d..
VARIETY.

A Detroit restaurauteur hangs out a sign of
"a free chops" and when the old loafers come
around he shows them an AK and a w~ood-pile.
When was the most uniform distribution of
physical suffering on record? When the Pilgrim
Fathers of New England had six corns apiece.
Detroit Press: The great big overgrown cuff
button has gone out of fashion. 1t was found
to be more convenient and cheaper TO carry
more brass in the face and cut the buttons down.
1t is the opinion of a New York lawyer that his
profession contains more mean men than any other
four professions. and he is going to become an
editor. The selection he has made for his new voca-l
ton shows that bis repentance is sincere, and inten-I
ton to reform earnest.
Western papers are b~oasting that a Nevada
man read a newspaper while a tumor was takenI
ont of his side. That Is nothing. A man inl
Rhode Island whistled the other day while a;
Massachusetts, dog was taken off his legs.
When a bow was asked, " What was the text;
this morning ?r he replied 8 1t was somethingI
in hatchets.1' sIn hatchets ? No, it was in
Acts" We'll, 1 knew it was something that
would cut, said the boy, very triumphantly.
4 person leaving a crowded stage on Madi-
son avenue, n. Y, the other day, steadied him
self by resting his hands on the knees of the
messengers. - What q savage - exclaimed oneI
lady. YES" replied her companion. "He's;
Il Paw-nee."
Sah wv NJSJ tO
fn'.' said an old lady ; s but when | step Quit
to feed the hogs, and hist myself on the fence!
and throw my soul into a few lines of 'CapinI
Jinks,' it does seem as If this airth was made
70 live on, after all"
There had been o discussion about the cost
of a dress, she was wrathy. It's all yerys
we'll" she pouted, {. for you to expect q woman
10 be an angel but Id have you to know sir,
that | wouldn't even be an angel, unless mys
wings could be cut goring. There. now
After the usual explanation to a freshman
Glass in regard to laws and customs of the col
Iepe by a class officer, when opportunity was
given for questions not fully understood, a Fresh
man raised his hand, and in a voice full of
anxiety asked, Professor, what time do wei
have breakfast? p
4 three-years-old little girl, at Rochester,
N. Y, was taught to conclude the evening
prayer, during the temporary absence Of her
fnther, with, " and please watch over my papa" >
1t sounded very sweet, but the mothers amuse,
lment may be imagined when she added " And
you'd better keep an eye on mamma, too
A youpgster being required to write 4 compo-I
.sitioH upon some portion of the human body, Sc
lected that part which unites the head to the
body 81 : throat is convenient to have, espec-
ia.Iy to roosters and ministers. The formerE
eats the corn and crows with it the latterl
breaches through HAN, and then ties it up.
This is pretty much all | can think of about!
necks-"
Chicago Journal: She was a very modest girl
(iust from Boston), and when the observatory
Astronomer said " Take a glance through the
telescope, Miss. and you will see Venus in all
her glory" she frigidly drew back and replied /
" No, thank you, sir [ have no desire to look
ut any member of my sex who dresses as she Isl
represented to-" The astronomer froze in hisI
boots, and it wasn't q very cold night either.
Some weeks ago the French puzzle,
Pas de lieu
Rhone que nous,H
Was published in the Christian Union, and
answers for it asked. Nine correct answers
were received, John Habberton, at first sight, !
translated it: "Not so far from the Rhone|
as we: But the chances are ten to one that
he felt slightly sheepish when he was told,
Paddle your own canoe.
As the new Secretary Of the Navy was leaving
his hotel yesterday for the Department, he was
suddenly accosted by a stranger, who said is
youx name Thompson? p The only reply was,
g Yes" "WeIl.5 said the stranger, my
name is Key we are both in the Cabinet iet|
us be friends" They shook hands in old-time|
style. Thompson remarked = know we will
be much better friends with such an introduce
tion than if we had been more formally presen-
ked to each other"