The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1877-04-24

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Ey A young man at recent fire
threw away pail of water because 1t
was too hot to do any good.
ess From one Point of View-Scene
British juryroom. All agreed on their
verdict except Irish jurynan twho holds
out): "Ah, thin, iliv'n more obstinit
men nivlr met in all me loife !"
81 "Dear me" said lady, II have
such cold. What do you do, doctor,
when you have a cold ?" What do
do ~ said the doctor. ''Why, madame,
sometimes / cough and sometimes
sneeze.
HyriAh," said father to his son Will
liam, ''hearty breakfasts kill one half of
the world, and tremendous suppers the
other half.' suppose, then, }" retorted
William, C that tbe true livers are only
they who die of hunger y
HS- " Dennis, darlint, what is it you're
doingp" whist, Biddy, Use trying
an experiment" "Murtherl what Is
it ?" "What is it, did you says Why,
it's giving hot water to the chickens,
am, SO that they'll be after laying boiled
eggs"
Ry" Is there any person you wish
me to marry ?" said wife to dying
spouse, who had been somewhat of a
tyrant in his day. Marry the devil, VI
you like" was the gruff reply. "No,
thank you my dear, one husband Of the
same family is enough for me-"
s-<np-~-----
Eg' A Yankee being awakened by the
captain of a passage-bOat with the
announcement that he must not occupy
his berth with his boots on, very con-
siderately replied, "Oh, the bugs won't
hurt 'em, I guess; they're aaD old
pair"
GT- We have received q Of from
friend of theatrical ambition; asking il
~ can accomplish much in this s. He
says that when he the audience breaks
out in |! !. We advice him 30 ~ up, and
lin before hard times puts a to enthusi-
asm. We now rB- him over to the
manager Boston Advertiser.
E9- A lady once called on an alderman
in great haste-and being quite indfg-
nantat an expression used to her, adj
| dressed him thus:
alderman, my next door neighbor
called me thief Can't / make her
prove it?'
"Well," said the alderman, after a
moments deliberation, ''you can, but
you had better not"
Ey@ He was sitting silently by her side
one chilly evening last autumn, think
ing of something to say. Finally he
remarked: "How sad it is; the frost
has come, and it will kill everything
green" Thereupon, the young lady
extended her hand, and said in a SYM
pathetic tone, "Good-bye" Ho
Rag A little girl in New York orphan
asylum, who was punished for scratch
ing another little girls face by being
required to learn verse from the Bible,
was allowed to make her own selection.
and choose the first verse of Psalm ia
blessed be the Lord, my strength,
which teacheth my hands to war, and
my fingers to fight
RY " am convinced that the world
is daily growing better" remarked a
reverend gentleman to a brother clergy
man; ''my congregation is constantly
increasing" ''Yes," interrupted the
brother, who happened to be peniten-
tiary chaplain, "and SO is mine" And
there the discussion on the early arrival
of the millennium dropped"
RY Judge Brady, in recent lecture,
told story of an ambitious Yankee who
aspired to the State Senate. Like GER
tain man we read of, he gave 500 for
the influence of friend. His hopes
were high, and he most willingly parted
with the money. But when the returns
came in he found he had three votes
He at once rushed to his friend. See
here, I've but three votes ~ Have
you ?" was the reply. ''Let me see