davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20
A Joke that Missed Fire.

Cooley's Oldest boy Is little too fond of play-
ing practical jokes. The other evening he
went up into the third story back
room, in which the hired man sleeps, and fix
ing piece of stout twine to the bed clothes he
ran it down stairs into his own room, with the
intent to remove the covers from the hired
man as 5000 as that individual got into bed.
The Cooleys had jast taken down their win
ter stoves and they had the parlor stove stand
ing temporarily at the head Of the third story
stairs.
The man discovered the string just as be was
retiring and comprehending the motive of the
intended trick be quietly united it and fastened
it to the stove.
The boy, meantime had gone to bed and for
gotten about the string. But about ten o'clock
Mr. Cooley, who was up stairs getting apples
in the garrett, caught his foot in the string as he
was coming down the steps.
He fell, and pulled the stove after him, and
the next moment, Cooley, pan Of apples aud
about forty pieces of stove, stove pipe, CRATES
and brick lining were rattling down the stairs
with noise like volley of musketry.
AS Cooley lay on the landing, with q pile OF
apples and cast iron heaped upou him, Mrs.
Cooley and the boy, and the servants came
rushing out to ascertain what on earth was the
matter.
AS they approached, Cooley ssid
Terrible, wasn't it? Awfullest earthquake
we ever had in this country"
WAS there a real earthquake2' asked Mrs.
Cooley, 81 didn't feel shake"
Didn't feel it?" exclaimed Cooley taking q
stove leg out of his shirt collar aud brushing
the SCOT from his clothes-s'didn't feel it? Why
my graciousl The house rocked like a cradle.
thought she'd go clear over every minute It's
the worst shock ever felt Sent me skipping
down stairs, with things rattling after me, till
l thought the roof had bursted iu. There's
something queer about these natural conyul-
sions. The scientific men say that the shake
always kinder moves in waves from east to
west so if it comes from the-Hello what's
this?" exclaimed Cooley, discovering the Swine
wrapped around his leg. "Who tied that
string to that there stove?"
As he looked around lnquiringly, .-.he OBJ
served his Oldest boy suddenly mount upon the
bannister and glide swiftly down to the first
floor, where he stood waiting for an offensive
movement on the part of his father.
Then Cooley leaned over the railing aud,
shaking his fist at him, said:
"You wicked little scoundreli lf you amt a
candidate for the gallows L m no Judge. You
come up here and go to bed and tomorrow I'll
tan your hide with bed slat You mind me?
I'll give you enough earthquake to make you
dance from here to the equators. you towheaded
outcastp'
Then the family went to bed, and the boy
crept softly up the kitchen stairs, think ing
there was not much fun 10 such Jokes any
how.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

SOMEBODY is already making good thing
out of the silver business. Trade dollars
are circulating here quite freely. Some one
buys them in quantity at discount, passes
them off for greenbacks and makes hand
some profit. Even the small change is get
ting troublesome. A bill collector sent out
the other day came back with eighty dollars
in silver, about all he could carry. OF course
they could not be deposited at the banks or
used in large payments, so the trader must
watch his chance and peddle them out.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20
lThe New York World.1
A Fable,
The Public Creditor and the western
Statesman.

As public Creditor was quietly drinking at
a Wayside Coupon, Western Statesman, who
had been lurking hard by, accosted him, and
rudely accused him of Demonstrating the Dollar
of his Father. The timid Creditor in vain pro-
tested that the Dollar of his Father was Dol
lar while the Western Statesman's Dollar was
a Coin of unfair Vantage. 81 care not" re-
piled the other with a wisdom beyond his Ears;
then it was your Grandfather who took his in
Continental Currency, and if you do not desist
from sucking the Life Blood of the Nation, L
will wipe you out with a sponge" He then
moved the Previous Question.
Moral.-This shows that he who does Busi-
ness with the United States of America needs q
Long Spoon.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20
STATE NEWS
ANpRosCOGGIN COUNTY

ANDR0SC0GGIN COUNTY
The Masonic Mutual Relief Association OF
Mechanic Falls numbers 1000 members Ii is
limited to 1900.
The new hall in Lewiston was dedicated
Monday evening. Addresses were delivered
by Gen. Banks and Representative Frye.
OXFORD COUNTY.
The dwelling house of Mr.. Owen Loveloy at
Andover was burned last week. Loss $1,000;
insurance $1200
PENoBScoT COUNTY.
Several families in Oldtown were poisoned
Monday probably by arsenic introduced into
their tea kettles A Mrs Fortier, a neighbor.
is suspected. All the victims are out of dam
ger.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20
THE PRESS.
THURSDAY MORNING. DEC. 20.

We do not read anonymous etters and communi
cations. The name and address Of the writer In
all cases Indispensable not necessarily for publication
but as guaranty of good faith.
We cannot undertake to return or preserve COM
munications that are not used.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

WHEN Russia declines to make peace ex-
cept on basis that "shall settle definitely
and exhaustively the questions raised by this
sanguinary war;" she means that she is going
to wipe out Turkey, with sponge, as Mr..
Bland would say,
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

GEN. D'Aurelles de Paladines, who died
in Paris Monday, enjoyed the distinction OF
being the only French General who won a
battle in the disastrous campaign of 1870. At
the head of the army of the Loire he de-
feated the Bavarian army corps of Won de
Taun and compelled it to evacuate Orleans
1t is thought by military critics that had he
followed up the advantage he would have Sc
riously affected the German investment oi
Paris. As it was he only gave the world a
chance for sorry jests on the word "paladin." )"
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

A RUMoR comes from st. Petersburg that
constitution for Russia is to be prepared
and made public on the End of March next,
the anniversary of the accession OF the Gar
Alexander to the throne. This is too good
news to be true
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

THERE is urgent inquiry made for the re-
port on the Chinese question which the late
Senator Morton prepared. 1t is understood to
recommend the protection of the Chinese and
for that reason it is limited, has been sup.
nressed
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

OUR advertisers press our reading columns
hard, and everything except news has to give
way to them. But the advertisements will be
found pleasant reading these holiday times.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

The Constitution and the Supply are the
ships designated for the transportation of
goods to the Paris Exhibition. The Supply
will be loaded at New York and the Consti-
tuition at Philadelphia.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

EVERY regular attache of the PRESS Is furnished
with Card certificate couDtersgned by Stanley T.
Pullen, Editor. All railway, steamboat and hotel
managers will confer favor upon us by demanding
credentials of every person claiming to represent our
al
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

ENGLAND is inviting contracts for prompt
supply of 100000 boots and shoes with which
to kick the Russians out of Turkey. But
her loud talk is all bluster. She will not 90
to war
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

CARL ScHURz has, they say, written let
ters to Chicago friends saying he expects to
resign soon and leave the Cabinet. 1t is
greatly to be feared that the report is untrue.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20
w. p. GOSS, ,
2I2 Middle Street.

Having disposed Of my stock of Boots
and shoes i'm store PIP Middle Street, I
take pleasure In commencing him to my
late customers as one worthy Of their
confidence, and who will do his utmost
to maintain the good reputation Of the
Store by keeping a large stock Of first
quality goods, and selling them at the
lowest living profit. A. GOWELL.
P. ST. shall remain with Mr.. GOss
during the Fall and Winter, and shall be
happy to wait ON all who may wish to
have Boots or Shoes Of any kind made
to order. A. G0WELIi.
no2l isdeod3m
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

PINcHBACK is a candidate for the Louisi-
ana State Senate. If he can't have a real
house he will be content with toy one.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

SIT seems appropriate" said the officiating
clergyman, shat we should sing would not
live Away 1t was great taoOrite of the re.
MAINS
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

The snow at Erzeroum is three feet deep,
and the inhabitants are all out Staying.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

The Boston baby show is followed by Others
in New York and Providence. Keep the bawl
a-rolling.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20
Cap and Bells.

Whenever you have ten minutes to spare go
AMI bother some one who hasn't
The frost on the milkman's moustache ehllls
the hired girl to the core.
The snow at Erzeroum is three feet deem.
and the inhabitants are all out Staying.
The Boston baby show is followed by Others
in New York and Providence. Keep the bawl
a-rolling.
HE blushed like schoolboy" used to con.
vey the idea of extreme modesty. The school
boy of the period never bushes.
ut seems appropriate" said the officiating
clergyman, Shat we should sing Il would not
live Away 1t was great JaoOrite of the re.
mains"
Awould-be suicide wrote these farewell words
to his wife: Dear Mary, when my body is
dragged ont of the river they can identify it by
the linen patch you put in the seat of my cloth
trowse.s.''
IIeelueub III EOntcal ECONOMY CIaSS-"HOu
know, Mr.. S., that there was fall in the price
of whiskey year or SO ago." Mr.. s. (anxious
to remove suspicioD)-"Oh, no, Mr.. PRESIDENT
didn't know anything about itP'-Colataabia
Spectator
Samuel Stickney of Iowa clasped his best
girlin an embrace SO close that his revolver was
discharged, aud a boy standing near was
seriously wounded. The lesson of this sad
occurrence is that boys shouldn't stand around
atssuch supreme moments.
There is a place in California where oysters
grow on trees, and the woods are made musical
by the clatter of the shells as they are shut to-
gether to keep the sun out. This Califoruis
story is printed from memory, and we are not
sure but we have slightly enlarged upon it.
1. Young lady of the house to languid swell
MAY present you to Miss Terrapyn of Pnla-
delphia? Languid swell. with Sigh "Oh,
yes, trot her out" 2. Young lady of the house
MAY present MIR. Lotus?" Miss Terrapyn
(after regarding him for some moments) quiet
ly-"Yes, trot him back!" Languid swell re-
tlres.-HdrUdTd Ldn1p00n.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

The frost on the milkman's moustache chllls
the hired girl to the core.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

Awould-be suicide wrote these farewell words
to his wife: Dear Mary, when my body is
dragged ont of the river they can identify it by
the linen patch you put IN the seat of my cloth
trowse.s"
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20
The Old, Old Story

The largest assortment, the best
quality and the Cheapest Stock of
RUBBER BOOTS, SHOES aud OVER
SHOES, all widths and sizes, at
M. G. PALMER'S.
Ladies' Warm Roots and Slippers.
Ladies, Cork Sole Seamless Boots.
Ladies' and Gents Canadian Over
Shoes
Ladies' and Gents Plain, Fancy and
Toilet slippers,
Ladies' and Misies' White Boots and
Slippers.
Large Stock of medium and low
priced reliable BSOls and shoes, all
warranted by
M. G. Err.
au31 diff
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

Whenever you have ten minutes to spare go
AMI bother some one who hasn't.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

"He blushed like schoolboy" used to con.
vey the idea of extreme modesty. The school
boy of the period never bushes.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-12-20

President in Political Economy Class-"You
know, Mr.. S., that there was fall in the prics
OF whiskey year or SO ago." Mr.. s. (anxious
to remove suspicioD)-"Oh, no. Mr. PRESIDENT
didn't know anything about itP'-Coltalbia
SPECTATOR
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-04-05
SONS OF TEMPERANCE.

At the last regular meeting Of Anderson
Division the following officers were elected
to servo the ensuing quarter, and will be in
stalled at the meeting of the Division
this (Thursday) evening: w. II. Wilcox,
W. P; r. N. white, w. A; G. f. Jones,
B. g.; Foster Fant,. AR. g.; w. w. Keys,
F. g.; A. g. Icdd, Trees. Rev. =. z. Frier-
ecn, Chap. John II. Hubbard, O.; James
8. Anderson, A. c.; James E. Barton, I. 8. /;
L. P. Smith, o. s.; r. r. Diver, P. w. p. ;
John ]. Smith, Librarian; Miss Mary Tow
ers, Assistant Librarian.
At q regular meeting OF Union Grove Di-
vision, Sons of Temperance, No. l04, held at
Bowling Green Saturday evening Msrch
3lst, 1877, the following officers were elected
to serve for the ensuing quarter: e. Il.
Snipes, w. P; E. n. Griffin, w. A.; d. G.
Mcconnell, R. g.; Nis5 Bstelie Hay, A. 3.
s.; Miss 8. 8. Bowlnp, F. g.; A, =. Bowlan,
Treas. Andrew Herris, Chap; Miss J. J.
Broome c.; w. H. Broome, A. c.; D. p.
Campbell. 1. g.: John Gnmbrell. o. g.: 81.
8. Eroome, p. w. P, The installation takes
place on next Saturday. 9Th inst, ut
o'clock p. IN.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-04-05
gozgAA pAgg zesS!aI!s.

A broken spring on the tender; of the
down freight caused the train to be thrown
from the track near Honea Path on Thurs-
day last. Nobody huYt...... Robert Kay looks
hsppy, and he must be so, for they are both
girls......A young man in Honea Peth has
just he'd very handsome ring NADIA What
ne1t?......A strange, web-footcd fowl, name
unknown, was captured on Monday by q
little girl......Rev. J. Scott Murray preached
an able nnd instructive sermon on Sabbath
Inst at Barker's Greek Church In the interest
of Bible distribution. He vas invited and
accepted the invitation of the Bible Society
to preach q sermon on the Same subject at
Little River Church the third Sunday in
tins month. After the services ct Barker's
Creek, Mr.. Murray organized "Woman's
Mission Society,"" with Mrs. McDayid pres.
ident, and Mrs. Geer secretary and treasu-
rer......The painful patient looking Ncr good
news from Washington hos been at last re-
lieved by Gen. Buffers telegram thst the
Hampton Government Is assured, and now
Honea Path 10 as happy as the biggest sort of
aun.hower. Now, if President Hayes will
only hurry up and knock the trotters from
under that whole Psck{srds) in New Or
leans, we will one time say, Hurah for
Hdrcs
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-04-05
!. r1.zsaz azav z0 Rhaaax axp.

The melancholy accident which occurred
recently at the Abbeville depot, reaul.ing in
the inata':.. death of a promising lietle boy,
reminds us that parents In Andesaar. ought
70 % placed upon their guard to prevent
elmilar accident at the depot here. Almost
every day, when the cars arrive, there IS q
crowd of boys ut the depot, and many Of
them get upon the train when II Is In mo-
non, or run ahead of the cGrB as they are
oo'ns shsaea 90 &. =c:-.e che. mamma. en-
aanger their livea by risky performances.
doubtless the parents arc oftentimes una-
ware OF The fact that their boys frequent tho
espos at that time, and In casa Of an acci-
aent' like the aad occurrence In Abbeville,
ne nereaved parents would be astounded to
Know that theif boy incurred such rislks.
we hare ii5l5iti,,I, 20 5titsi. 5tiTtssi. ssy
m;oyment Of the juveniles. nor are we con-
earned in this nlsttcr except for the safety
and happiness of our neighbors, whose chill
uien are allowed TO visit the depot at Q time
when th 20 is rush and hurry 20 get
through ~ business of the railroad. Be-
Nuea the danger involved, when bo3B ore so
Prone to take great risks upon themselves II
eos.resIrained os In their conduct, the presence
" so many at the time specified Eiust often
.IttFiere and annoy the railroad officials,
nmno are only allowed few minutes to get
..aIouRh with considerable business. PARENTS
ean revolvo this matter in their own minds,
ahu tnen act for themselves.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-04-05
FORK yTRlg9. =

There has been no killing frosts lately,
and we are nov hopeful of an abundance of
fruit this year, Now Is the season for those
pathetic missives denominated "Apfil fools"
''Thc world 3 wide, the sea Is Deep CO.,
ad nause,sm.... Sorghum growing was re-
vived last year, and an increased percentage
will be raised this season...... Farmers will
commence planting cotton about the twen-
tieth......A "sperits" wagon has got to be q
rare thing now, and bacchanalian reyelries
are about ended for season. A temperance
aoc;et=s might flourish in the interim. :.
There Is dearth OF striking events In this
section. We are oil "well," however, and
doing the very bes. No oan.....There are
one Presbyterian, two Methodist and four
Baptist Churches in the Fork, exclusive of
the colored element..... Since sprin,, has set
in wheat Is growing rapidly, and the pros
Pect now begins to look mose encouraging
.....Does everybody know tb- che Fork
representative on the Board of County Com
missioners is q bachelor? Well, he is, but
It must not be inferred that he Is averse to
wedlock. "a good un" could easily induce
him to take passage on the uncertain sea of
matriucsy......Tho Fork proper Is that part
Of Anderson lying between Seneca and
Tugalo rivers extending southwark from the
Cconeo line, distance OF ten miles, to An.
dersonvillc, where these streams unite and
form the Savannah.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-04-05

Longs Shop is situated in the extreme
Southern side oI Varcnnes Township, i'm
mediately on the o.. y.eatherdeal Road, nine
milea South Of Andersv.. -. fi..i.The pro-
prietor of this beautiful md healthy loea-
tion, Mr.. John Long, has shop IN which
he manufactures buggics and wagons, and
jack Arnold, (colored) runs blacksmith
shop Mr.. Longs farming Interests aIe con-
siderable, having his lands cultivated by
several tenants. In few hundred yards of
this place, Immediately where the old Mid.
dleton Road crosses the Leatherdeal, Is the
neat and beautiful residence Of Mr.. G. w.
Long. He and his nephew, W. a. Long,
have cotton gin and thresher, both pro.
PEELED by steam, ginning annually from 400
to 500 balesof cotton: They run the thresh-
er in Its season on the itincrant plan, doing
quite lucrative b15iness. Mr. G. w. Long
hhs n man nufacturing arparatus for extract
ing and converting the Juice Of the sorghum
cane into syrup, He embarked in this en-
terprise last fall, and we presume he will
Ions. In one mile of this place mir. Henry
Long keeps Dip O. buggy and wagon shop.
He, as well AsG @. w: Long, is pretty extern
siyely engaged L. farming. HT. John :,
Findley. also in about o milo Of this place.
has cotaln An TAD griBt min propelled by
water poNFesE: I'D stseenkly Seen engaged
in constructing o stone dam in cider to keep
Mr.. Finalsy is Iaashiag pfettyestensiyeiy. % % "sI.
work done sby him5elf and isnants. WI W.
will also notice that in LEES than mile of
Longs Shop is located Mr.. VIM, Ranson'a
farm and residence -farn4 cul Gyated by him.
self and tenants. & w. III.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-04-05
rYTTRrI,a living AoR.

The numbers of the Living, Aos for the
weeks ending March oath and 3lst contain
A Ramblo Round the World, from tho
Quarterly Rerieav: The Poetry Of the Old
Testament, British Quarterly; The Russian
Peasants Silver Roubles, a short story trans
:..st: .o1 ...oo ,:-:5 4.-- tr,:> c:== {.
Lords, Floser Americanisms. Leisuro Hour ;
Old Norso Mirror OF Men. and Manners,
Quarterly; The japanese New Year, Spccta-
Tor; A Chinese Statesman, lal9 Hall GGssttc;
Titan, E5rtnightly Rerie,0; Belief In Crea-
tor, Geuaenias's AsSa7:'ss; Bees and Bee
Keeping, Good Words; an instalment OF
'sTiae marquis of E,oossie." Sy GSoTss Nae Nae
Donald, from advance sheets, and of VIM.
Blacks new serial. together with ciioiee
poetry and miscellany.
The next weekly number. the firOt In
April, begins new voiume-tho l3srd--oi
this standard eclectic periodical. For fifty.
two numbers, of slxty-four largo pages each
(or more than 5000 pages yssr,) the sub
scription price ($s) is low; while for $Io.SS
The publishers offer to send a,y one Of the
American a. monthlies or weeklies with
the Lirino Age for year, both postpaid
Iittell & Gay, Boston, are the publishers.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-04-05
ORIGIN or 1HE nEp auraTg.


The Columbia Regisfer calls attention to
the fact that our friend. Capt. A. J. Sitton,
originated he idea of Ire famous "red shirt
elubs," which becaIce SO general in the lest
campaign. Hts mounted rife club was the
first to adopt this appropriate costume,
which was keen satire upon the "bloody
ahire' SO icng paraded and Haunted over the
country, mctaphorically speaking, for the
deieotation OF the Republican party. BY
adopting SthIs enblematic costume, upon:
entering O campaign which was destined to
take the stain out of the ensanguined wear
ing apparel of Morton, Chandler 8, Co.. tho
invincible heroes Of pence and reconciliation
between the races were enabled to move on
solidly to victory. Capt. eitton deserves the
credit most assuredly for the happy idea,
and 1t vss our intention to mako suitable
mention Of the fact when all traces Of the
bloody "ahirt' woso removed from the State.
Our Columbia contemporary hhs anticipated
the announcement, and we can only add
thst as Capt. eittcn' II entitled TO the credit
OF making tho first red shirt, we think he
deserves likewise tho honor Of securing the
ailest Of Carolina's naidens to keep mp his
wardrobe ct cetefa.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-04-05
7. II. G. a.

The second annual convention of the
Young Mems Christian Associations VII be
held In Greenville on the 26th, 9th, 28th
and 10Th days of April. This meeting Is
composed of delegates from the vprious As
socintions throughout the State, and oil 9TH
er persons who are in sympathy with its OBJ
jects viii be heartily welcomed to take part
in its deliberations. The discussion Of diff
ierent topics connected with the peculiar
labors Of these Associations will be assigned
to experienced workers, and such gather
ing OF active, jealous Christians from every
denomination must be productive of whole
some influences. The usual reduction on
tho railroads of three cents mile hos been
granted to delegates, who are requested to
forward their names at once TO Mr.. L.. B.
AnBtin, Greenville, g. c., so that homes may
be assigned them on arrival. We presume
that delegates will be appointed from An
derscn ct ths regular business meeting OF
the Young Mems Christian Association,
which takes place on next Wednesday even