Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-07-13
f u II !!


THE MIGHTY FALLEN.-John Conner
man waited day or two longer to have his
decoration day. He was coming down
Monroe avenue when he suddenly decorat-
ed the sidewalk. A lonesome looking ban
ana peel brought him down. He was only
three minutes passing given point after
he started to fall, and when he hit the
walk he struck for all he was worth. AZ
ter untangling his feet from his ears, and
his ribs from bis elbows he rose up in aw-
full wrath and made for the keeper of the
nearest fruitstand. If there were no sell
lers Of bananas there would be no banana
peels on the walks, and men weighing two
hundred pounds would not sit down ex-
cept with graceful hesitation. John Con-
herman caller the fruiter hyena, a buzz
card, Mexican, Michigan avenue street
car, and various other vile names, and
would have battered his head but for the
arrival of an officer.
'sAll this fuss about falling down on ce-
pooh ~ sneered the Court.
"But it hurt like dunder," the prisoner.
IF you had been on the other side of the
street you wouldn have fallen"
II never drinks of dot BEFORE" unused
John, as he rubbed his left ear.
Its the plainest case in the world, my
man. If banana-peel:is On the east side
of the street, and you take tie west side,
how are you going to fall DOWN."
''Dots what 1 doan' know any more.''
tsWell, sir, the banana is All article of
commerce. 1t contains eighty-four per
cent. of sugar and fifty or sixty per cent.
Of something else, and must be protected.
The banana has just as much night ill this
country as you, or Joe Goss. or Sam
Bowles or myself. Til; fine is FIVE dollars y
''Dot's awful, Shudge. Blcase consider
dot it vhas me who fell down-not dat BAD
ana peeling. It vhas me who proke his
back and knocked der hide off mine elbows
NOT der peeling." fte
"But the fuss the riot-the hard words
the oaths-the attempted assassination is
what the law looks at, Mr.. GOnnerman.
Please fork over and don 1T delay the wheels
of justice"
IL shall sell oudt all my property and
moot to der PIack Hills" growled join,
as he paid and walked away. Perhaps he
will. If some Indian captures his scalp
and hangs 1t in a little wigwam this Court
cannot be held responsible. Detroit Free
Press.
There was quite a company of fashion,
able guests sitting round the table afte
dinner, who happened TO disagree as TO Il e
date Of a certain event of which they had
been talking. when the hosts eigi,t-year-
old 'un attempted to expedite the solution
of the problem by suddenly asking, why
mamma, what day was it you washed
me?'' t4pst
ssShe may be very good woman" gasl'-
ed Tomson, his breath almost cllOked of
by the tightness OF his new shirt, while the
wrists were SO loose that they seemed not
to be buttoned at all; ''slle may be very
good woman, but she don't understand the
practical application of Typographical en-
gineering to a fine shirt"
When you see young fellow who year
ago used to step up and order lager for the
crowd with the utmost sang froid, patient
ly trundling a baby-carriage along the
street on Sunday afternoon, and looking
chopfallen in his last seasons hat, don't il
speak volumes for the'reforming influence
of woman's society? =
A miss of seven summers has concluded
to marry big man fer her first husband.
and little one for the second, so that she
can cut the clothes of the first down and
make them over for his successor. Thus
the hard times force home lessons of rigid
economy and practical sense upon tender
childhood. ~ Iaae
The gentle breeze that fans our cheek
and moves the modest violet to our no
tice, is the same power that lifts the coa,
tail of the youth Of our land, and betraysa
light-colored patch set in the seat of pair
of black pants-a monument to reminl us
of a mothers love and the hard times.
MAY they always live in peace and llar-
mony," was the way an editor wound up
notice of the marriage of couple of
friends; and it came out in his paper the
next morning: s'May they always live Oh
peas and hominy."
1.-The Prussians attacked Nancy yester-
day." said a young man to his grand
mother. "Well, well" said the old lady,
wiping her spectacles, 81 didn't think
they'd be mean enough 10 strike a woman
:.Heis man after my own heart, pa"
said Julia. reverting to her Augustus.
IN onsense, . replied old Practical, The is
a young man after the money your uncle
left you.' And then all was quiet.
Said a faded belle to fresh young RI
val: You are having great triumph to-
night. I wonder what your enemies will
say pow?, 81 was lust going to ask YOU"