The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-11-17
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

That is, counting since last January.
''He sworc like savings bank depositor,
says a Chicago newspaper.
When do skipping lambs become like literar.
volumes? When they become boundin' sheep
The Danbury Ners advises: sect your girl
white whale for Christmas" And very good ad
vice it is, too; but what ridiculous way to spell
vail.
"a generous accumulation OF ignorance i
the mild way in which a Rochester paper charac
terizes the author of recent article in cotcm
porary.
sign on n Rochester street reads, Joseph
Amborn." We do not wish to deny the asser
ton, but we object to the grammar Of it.-ROch
ester Democrat
"Leaye your razors home for fear you may fall
on them" is the warning at the end of Icnncs
see picnic handful.
The Rochester A0.crican confessed 10 having
called Vassar college (Which is really fine insti-
tuition for young ladies' sugar refinery. The
Philadelphia B,dhta now explain that all the
girls answer tout aGte!'
A London tailor has this sign in his window;
No American order taken without deposit
Above a bar in Chicago may be read: mo trust
for English noblcmcn."
Gen. Noycs, our new Minister to France, is
becoming rapidly acclimatcd, and dated his last
letter at "IIotel dalby, corner Roo Shallo and
Zhong Eclysay.'
A Kansas paper says: a mule kicked an in
surance agent in his check the other day. The
agents check was unnjurcd but the mules
hoof was broken"
An Eastern editor throws up the sponge with
remark that "it doesn't pay to run paper in
Town where business men read amanacs and pick
thier teeth with the tail of a herring. "-Er.
Let him come west, where they get even with
such business men by printing daily papers on
the used up stereotype plates of old almanacs
A bright school girl claims that by analogy
Phtholognyrrh is the proper mode of spelling
Turner, and gives this table TO explain her
theory
First-Phth (as in phthisic) is............... T
Second-Olo (as in cooncD is................URl
Third-gn (as in gnat is. Observation-Disclosures. \ |
Fourth-yrrh (as in myrrh) is ...............ERl
Kelley has named his first motor "Thc Tramp" |
because it won't work-Gruphic.
st. Louis paper is discussing the question,
Does it hurt man TO hang him" OF course it
does; it ruins him. Worcester Press
Proiessor-"In one evening counted twenty.
seven meteors sitting on my piazza" Class eX-
presses great establishment at the sociablc char
acter of the heavenly bodics.-TJfbuHc.
Some one has said that the art of being happy
lies in the power of abstracting happiness from
very common things" Perhaps that is why so
many try a common drunk.
We killed Lazarus the other day, and ate him.
Lazarus was our rooster. We called him Laza.
rus because he fed on the crumbs that fell from
the rich mans table!ry'!Yl-Rankakee Ga,cte.
Now, see here sonny that 80 not hard 10 do.
Just listen: We killed Robinson, the other day.
and ate him. Robinson was our rooster, We
called Robinson because Robinson CrusOG.y;'uyll
Champaign 6d5ette.
Next you will see some silly paragraphcr put
it in this way: We killed John the other day
John was our rooster We called him John be-
cauSe Wien nicely done on the spit he was John
PTownl
The best way to court country girl is to cul.
tiyate acquaintance. - Burlington Hdtckey. And
tell if she marrics him he'll never thrcsher-Sua-
day Times And the best way to make her happy
is to start her a-cradng Pennsylvania 1jguS
To keep her out of mischief have her also do the
sewing,
II is said that the Chinaman il incapable Of
Civilization. Facts disprovc this assertion Al
Chung had been working in San Gabriel Cal,
and received a check for $751;. The figures were
raised by Chung to 1851, and the amount was
paid on demand at the Farmers and Merchants
Bank OF Los Angeles. No trace Of the ChinaInan
has since been discovered.
The wife Of All Fat was the belle of Cinnamon
in Carson, Nevada. Quong Hing coveted her;
and TO get her he hii ed five Cinnamon to make
prctencc of fighting in the street when All Fat
was close by and to kill him in way that would
5cem merely accidental. The plan was success
ful, and the husband was fatally wounded by |
what seemed to be a stray bullet.
The first snow storm OF the season visited us |
Monday forenoon, Nov. 3. The walks were rcn, !
dercd very slippery In consequence OF the partial
melting OF the b. s., and as old Slr. Sad |
dlebangcr with twobrooms and coal hQd and an
ash pan rolled of the back steps he has heard to
heard to eXclaim-Come 10 think Of it, hOwcy-
cr, the back door was shut and nobody heard
what he did say This brief lesson should teach
all young people that liberty is preferable to
death, every time -hdakdksc Gdotte.
The negroes of Philadelphia, at the late cleo.
lion In Pennsylvania, voted solid for the demo
cratic candidates; whercupon the good old re.
publican Worth im,rcdH, that had so often up
held the intelligence and supreme fitness Of
sambo as a voter, heavcs deep sigh and says:
Thus ignorance and corruption 20 hand in
hand"
Election eucrc' is new gaIsc ut cards play
"a with the ordinary cuchre pack, To which Is
added a new card marked "Alundc Joe"
Happy thought-A Bridgeport man who
doesn't like this idea Of running down to the eel
lar for coal has had box resembling piano
fitted up as a receptacle in his front parlor.
"Ingersoll,' says the Cincinnati Commercial
could get along beautifully with Bismarb. They
have the same religion
\ young gentleman inquired in a store ,crvc'
by lady clerks for ''undressed gcntlcman's kids,
and wondered why the ladies giggled.
How to end polygamy," is treated ON by Dis