The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-10-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

TINE fies-Fly time is over.
DOMESTIC Matrimonial sulks.
GARDEN bugs and humbugs are thriv-
ing.
AN air of importance-One's first
breath.
THE oldest lunatic on record-Time
out of mind.
THE bashful man who asked his girl if
her favorite beverage wasn't "pop," was
referred to her pepper.
WHAT is the difference between a girl
and night-cap? One is born to wed
and the other is worn to bed.
"THERE isn't vegetable" says the
enthusiastic Worcester Press, " that can
catchup with the tomato"
SrAGE-MANAGER (to cau-6oy):' "John,
see if the ballet are all dressed" John
(returning): eyes, sir, about ready;
they've nearly got their clothes off.
"How TO tell mad dog" is the title
of an article that is going the rounds.
We haven't anything to tell a mad dog
that we couldn't send to him on postal
card.
A POPULAR clergyman in Philadelphia
delivered lecture on "Fools." The
tickets to it read Lecture on Fools
Admit one." There was large attend
ance.
A BOOK agent, the other day, talked
half an hour to induce q lady to buy
on which was written line defe and
dunn"
"GENTLEMEN, 1 introduce to you my
friend, who isn't as stupid as he appears
to be-" Introduced friend, with vivacity
THAT'S precisely the difference be-
tween my friend and myself"
AN exchange remarks: "The only
Jokes women like to read are those which
reflect ridicule on the men," Yes, on
taking up paper woman invariably
turns to the marriage column.
"THAT's our family tree" said an Ar
kansas youth, as he pointed to vigor-
GUS hemlock, and added, ga good many
of our folks have been hung on that tree
for borrowing horses after dark.
IT was Boston man who went home
early in the morning, and, meeting the
sad, reproachful eyes Of his wife, apollo
gised, "My darling, think you'll be
sorry for this when you git shober."
ga SOFT answer turneth away wrath,
yet man caught by his wife dealing soft
answers to a pretty widow next door
says he can show scars to prove that the
proverb didn't work well in mis- case.
AN old-school philosopher remarks
that if bread is the staff of life, pound
cake must be agold-headedc cane. Doubt
less it is true, and two ice-creams and
girl are regular two-wheeled veloci-
pede.
On there's beauty in the morning,
In the bluey. bluey blue,
In the rosy golden dawning
Ger the buey, buey blue;
But the winters chill is creeping,
With its blewy, blew blew,
To set your nose to weeping,
All so bluey, bluey blue.
"YoU can't drink so much brandy with
impunity," said New York physician
to equity patient. Perhaps not with
inpunity, doctor, but with little pep
permint fancy can go it," was the Sc
rene reply.
"PA," asked a boy, "what is meant
by paradise ?" Paradise, my son, re-
piled Mr.. Stanton, gloomily, paradise
is the latter part of next summer, when
your mother goes on visit to your
grandfather.
The architect who discovers a plan
whereby double house may be built so
that you can hear all that is said next
door without the people being able to
hear a word uttered on your side, will
have no reason to complain of stag
nation in business.
THE second night after her first hus-
band died she sat by the open chamber
window five hours waiting for the cat to
begin fighting in the back yard. Said
she: "This thing of going to sleep with
out quarrel of some kind is so new that
/ can't stand it. Let me alone till they
begin; then can doze off gently"
YE gods Imagine my surprise
To find, on coming home last eve,
The neatest thing in pumpkin pies
A gift from charming Genevieve.
The crust was short and white snow;
The pumpkin cleaned like golden SANDS
The whole presented such snow,
II seemed the work of fairy hands!
And when the prize came to eat,
As the bee some new-found money SIPS
fancied nothing else so sweet
Save the nectar Of the givers ups!
The Bankrupt Act.
Active measures are being taken
among the opponents of the existing
bankrupt law to secure its repeal by
Congress. Early last year bill repeal