Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-12-14
f. U N !!

trOnomy began TO De generally understood,
an old farmer went to his parson with the
following inquiry: cdr. T., do you believe
in the new story they tell about the earth
moving around the sun?'' Eyes, certain
ly.' do you think it is according to the
Scriptures? If it's true, how could Joshua
command the sun to stand to stand still?''
''Umph!" quoth the parson; "Joshue COM
manded the sun to stand still, did he?"
Eyes" every well. Did you ever hear
that he set it a-g olng again?"
At a recent meeting, in which there was
much religious interest, an old man gave
expression to his JOY by shouting, and con-
tinued it until began to interrupt the SER
vices. Brother H. said to Brother w.,
$50 stop that old mali IS ncise." He went
to him and spoke few words, and the
shouting man at once became quiet.
Brother B. asked Brother W., what did
you say to the old man that quoted him so
promptly?'' 81 asked him for dollar for
foreign Missions
A little girl of six OF seven summers,
stopping with her parents at one of the
fashionable hotels at Saratoga Springs,
was invited at dinner to take some wine as
it was passed around. She declined. "Why
do you not take wine with your dinner,
Minnie?" "'Tause L doesn't like it,
"But take little, then, my child, for your
stomach's sake" he urged. Il amt dot
10 tommik's ache" Indignantly replied the
little miss in the most emphatic manner.
A lady in general conversation, by in
geniously cooking her dates, was reducing
her age to an astonishing limit. Her
daughter, whose partly French blood had
brought her keen wit, interposed with the
remonstrance, SAT least, leave nine
months between our ages, mammal"
A reporter being called 10 account for
the statement that a certain meeting was
a large and respectable one, when only one
person besides himself Was present., insist-
ed that his report was literally true For .
said he. Il Was large and the otll,r fellow
was respectable"
Says pathetic writer Let us gaze
down the dim vista Of by-gone years" NO,
young man, don't do it. You may see AL
unpaid WasheI-Woman, with bare arms,
hiding behind Il tree, and praying for ven
geance On your head. Don't gaze down
the vista.
Mamma, did they use to have car
riages in Jerusalem?;' asked very little
English boy, just f,om Sunday school. 81
don't know, dear; why?' because L
heard the minister talking to-day about
the Hacks OF the Apostles"
The natives of Fife have betn converted
to Christianity, and now we shall have
them betting on horse races, and startin5
sayings banks and fleeing 70 Europe with
the funds, and INDUCING in other civil td
pursuits.
Works of art and science are thrown
away on some people. AT Washington
they have the finest telescope III the world;
and yet there are some omen living who
would prefer to look thi ough key-hole.
They may be spring Chickens, she
said as she backed Off to view them at
distant angle, ''bnt do You know that the
eggs they were Matched from were not
year old to start with"
Tie scientific expedition around the world
may, perhaps, be able to tell US when it
returns why Il man always takes Off his
boots first when undressing, While Wo-
man begins at her hairpins.
The Burlington "Hawkeye'' thinks that
Charles Adams acquired his cold, frig
id, appalling reserve and hauteur by stu
dying woman clerk in dry goods store
waiting upon woman customer
When young Jenkinson told his father
that he d only been on little lark, the old
gentleman muttered that he guessed there
Was more swallow than lark.
Charles Lamb says ~ child's a play
thing for an hour" Not always. Some
times man picks up a baby and sets it
down so quick that you'd scarcely know
he had 1t.
The careful observer Of tie Cincinnati
unaccountable fact that no dog owner has
been kept awake by the noise of his own
beast
Why is paper money more valuable than
gold? When you put it in your pocket you
double it, and when you take it out you
find it still in creases.
A Grabbed old bachelor says women are
the greatest thieves in existence. because
they steel their petticoats, bone their stays.
crib their babies and hook their dresses.
When young lady offers to hem cam
brio handkerchief for rich bachelor. de-
pend upon it she means to sew in order
that she may reap.
are passing away. They are passing over
tc Canada until the depositors sell their
claims.
There are beautiful warm soda springs
in Colorado, and people who 60 bathing in
them at once exclaim: ''Oh, but this is
sodaiiciOus!'
n WOItidH WIZ llldhco q pldCClCo VI LUZ
rowing a quart of milk generally makes a
pint of returning it.
Professor Hall, who discovered the
moons of Mars, was a carpenter before he
saw things on a higher plane.
A womanss skeleton sells for more than
2 mans in Philadelphia, but then it ) a
weeks extra work to wire the jaws.