, 1877-03-18
HuM0R.

Celery Is good Tor the nerves; but salary
better.
Ihe Best Old Chdrade- In my first my secon
} sat, my third and fourth I ate.h A,.s.--In-sa1
Late.
Phoebe Cozzens has " exceedingly rich cye
brows. ."-Boston Post Million hairs, we sur
posc.-Boston Bulletin.
Solitaires are we'll enough in diamonds, bu
when 1t comes to pancakes man reaches for clus
| ters.--Ld Cross FT1e Press
| AHolyoke man who had hts arm blown off b
cannon last summer Is about to risk his lift
again IN canvaaslng for Mark Twain's new book
What Is the difference between pyroxy1ine
and trlant schoolboy caught rabbit-hunting
One Is gun-cotton, and the other Is caught
gunnin'.
Uncle Sam Is monarch Of millions OF unsur
7eyed acres, and is that much better off THAI
Alexander Sclkirk, who was only monarch o
What he surveyed.
Mrs. Mlddlerib says, speaking OF effective
| irony, her husbands heel1ess hose present the
| most striking specimens Of sock chaSm she ever
saw.-B"riitgton Ha.pkeye.
One OF our contemporaries heads an article,
"Who Shall Lead? A very brief examination
OF uoyle will show that the man next the dealer
| should de So Bridgeport Standard.
| Jones says be don't think be will like the re-
duction fn our fares. When he walks down in
the morning now he saves sevcn cents, hereafter
be can only save si1.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
George Elliot says that 's There are moments
W1en the human heart must revolt or break u
Is it possible that Lewcs has been asking her to
black his boots9-St. Loxis Republieas.
"Remember whom you are talking to, ST,
SAID m indignant parent to q refractory boy,
~ an am your father" swell. who's to blame
for thats" said the young impertinence; tain't
me.'' .
a fha rT1ar n 0rE1
man sarcastically asked man standing ID front
OF him It be was aware that he was OPAQUE
The other denied the allegation, and said that
be was O'Brien.
Atlanta Constituion: Elmira-It is true that
flowers and vegetables are dirided into sexes,
and a' It Is also true, strange as it may appear,
that they have 4 language of their own. You
surely have heard of Jack and the Beams talk.
The Cincinnati Enquirer wants to know If the
telephone is going to be Of any service when q
man wants to telephony story! OF course
shouldn't wonder if q man could telegraphic
anccdote IN way to electrify his hearers
Boston Gaobe.
A bit Of Texan humor-ssA young man at
kember's Bluff, In this Statc,'' says a Texas
paper, acquired the habit Of tossing cooked
pistol in the air, and catching it by the muzzlc
when it fell. The last time he caught it it was
just moment before he died"
When tho collars worn by our stylish young
men get SO high tbat the services OF a steam
hrc-enginc and hook-and-ladder crew are re-
qulred to throw starch to the eaycs thereof it is
doubtful If the world makes much progress for
decade or so thereafter Worcester Press.
a man in Ansonia, Conn.,, had tooth drawn
The charge was 50 cents, and he rendered 50
bill: The dentist having only 81 in change, the
obi1ging customer deliberately sat down and
hau q sound molar extracted to make the
change even. Here is chance for some one to
say that this tooth-out story is too.thil1.
The following paragraphs, intended to have
been printed separately, were by some b1under
SO arranged that they read consecutiyelv in a
Paris journal: "Dr. has been appointed
head physician to the Hospital dc ID Charite.-
Orders have been issued by the authorities for
tho immediate extension Of the cemetery Of
Mount Parnasse; the works are being executed
with the utmost dispatch"
10, Wad Some Power.n-Adonis-" Miss
zones, do yo1 think Brown SO awful1y uglys"
nnsS thn'~ H., H." ug!yl No, indeed. Why, We all
Well, was talking to him on The stair Just
ntnw, t4 and q lady passed, aud heard her say,
trhat's the uglcst man I ever sawH And there !
was nobody there but him and NEIL
"Misther Crawford sent me here to get q !
d diimmercrat," said Pat. IA whatt" exclaimed |
ssnscG se san Azn
iiohn that be sent you to get4'' "And sure it's |
fooling wild me re are. What's the di1ferl Isn't !
It all the same thing whether it's dimmercrat
,. OF demi1ohn! It's something to hold bad
whisky anyhow.n-Porttaad Press.
An eight-year-o1d boy was trotting up the
ear and laid him out. He uttered q few dismal
bowls and started of, but gentleman halted
him and asked: 'tWhy 1on't you 20 over and
.nl ek ttat 9oy:" @ ~ hain't big ernu1f." was the
' Not now. know who he is, and iii fix I'll the
lull family. His father is going to run for Con-