Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1877-10-13
OUR TILL4GE DOGMITIST


"Old Csp'n Bake Brine as he was famii-
fairly called by man, woman and child in
our ute community; Born with Protruded
lips ard elevated eye brows, be was for many
years our village dOubter, oracle and critic
oar tyrannical master OF opinion in all pub
l G end private matters; and even now the
prelude TO any wise commonplace liz, sod
CJfs'H Brine used 10 say He is already a
classic in UndeThill- and will be- quoted for
was ordinary, unoriginal and absurdly Hog
zeal, but ~ was the tC1y he said IL that pro-
ducef an effect. He HAD great command o.
language" out the commodity was good for
nothing after IL had been commanded. He
was collOQuial inebTiate, cOnstantIy tumb-
ling aoout in a kind of verbal delirium tre-
mems. For instance, / remember one thick,
fOggy day, he rolled into the post-Office,
where We were all assembled TO wait for the
morning mail; and, on being appealed To for
an explanation C the cause which brings
about the heavy mists which so frequently
envelOp us at Underhill. he leaned thought
fully on bis walking stick and thus deli vered
himself in a swelling, majestic tone, that
implied long and my steriOus study over the
phenomenon: "When he Atmosphere and
HentsTleTe comes together IL cdlISes lie earth 10
siCeGf and thereby produces for TIE learned
manner IN which the cap'n promo Inced these
idiOtic words ests blished conviction in the
minds OF nearly all the listeners present.
Susan G., who giaddenS our summer cliffs
with her presence. and whose sense OF humor
l. ore OF EeT prominent lightful qualities
n ards mp questions all winter to stagger the
Cap'n with during July and August. She
says she has never yet been put of sans an
SNtI 10 uldlJer now ABSURD the lnterTOga-
ton The Cap'n cannot afford 10 appear un-
Knowing IN MS native DnderhilI, before
any d ldy. susan. encOGnterlDg him one
day 81 me little of-everylhing shop, boldly
marched up to the chair he was sitting in,
surrounded by his a1miring tOwnsmen, ami
Inquired. lis there any difference, Captain.
between radical aud barnacle?" '.It'S the
.ltt ,iecte-the same silecte,' lOftily reiOined
the Philosopher. with a half negligent, self
satisfied air, waving OFF Susan to a more re-
moved corner of the shop. = says there was
a general COQECt of SunlTinrIty N no
tone in which the Csp'n said this that no
attempted imitation could possibly dsllns-
ale III was the meridian triumph of small
vanity and ignorant read iGeSS. which ONLY
the CaP'n's experience knew how 10 com
bine. = declares Il was Inherent, consum-
The blank uniformity OF opinion in our
small community was due entirely To the
influence OF this OracClIr, sea-w0Tthy Old
tnIabiiant, full as he was or misinf0rnatton
and cCuceij. He had picked up. in his early
WaGd6Tings about the world, "A collection OF
high-sounding phrases, which lie never
omitted 10 employ when The time came, aud
they never failed 10 produce AN effect. The
Sc''std OF word was more 20 him than the
St7tse II conveyed. He found twenty different
oral dIsTelish for simplicity, and craved the
015C OF things. When a poor. half-crazpi
fellO Z, in nj Of ceSpODdency, jumped into
The water. and was taken out before he had
time 10 drown, the Cap'u, in telling the
story, said the man had committed suicide
ScnItT6f7tB.' Observing some thin boards
ward 20 dinner, asked him what they were
for. and he Informed me they were TO-
'Tic--tFy purposes Showing him an in
2eniOGS cOntriyaDce for washing clothes,
which regulated itself, he assumed an arts
lie expression and said, - Yes. sir; ] per
Ceive II is selfdjJeS'iag machine" He
affected 10 be what he called ga StlfIieT II
complaints" and he made frequent alIuSiOn
To a suggestion Of the BRAIN" and "IOn-
geyity OF the spinal marrow" Whatever
these diseases might be. He spoke dispar-
Sgingly OF people who kept s'rereauc of
servants" and a fresh, healthy breeze from
1he north he called an 'eDbTdring air For
The clergy generally he had just contempt.
and always spoke OF them as 'igaorGHeTaS.''
Ore OF his favOrite phrases, "dhe Jine Of de-
9tGycGftOII' he employed every day of
MS ms lie. and was amusing to noe
even on the most inopportune occasions.
You could not be long In his company with
OF eulilDg the information that he had seen
che great Cooper play Richard the King"
mat he had =" shaken hands with Old HEX
-oTy," Gen. JacksOn;) that he had "held an
argument once with a bishop" whom be
complimentary deScTi be I'aS a "nfgh- toned
IomPous gentleman" and that he had fire.
quertly sailed ''amO1g the Spanish Islands,"
when 1 was master OF the old Numy,"
Yuma fcnpilius?) prefaced many OF his
impossible adventures; and he Constantly
rvierrt q TO period when ne saw mermaid
,oh The coast OF Gibraltar" "Whdt The
tT67lchH0Bl calls KICK syOes'' (Qttelqlle- chOse)
vas an ever day phrase with him. As TIE
S'rtttfTl Virgins tSwedenOO rgans beliere, was
a. Other- de quoted frequently from sthe
SHCmy, whatever that Nigh be; probably
il was the EIDitOHie Of something or o;her,-
pSIbaIs an old time nautical volume. One
OF his favorite axiOms was this when a
man understands navigation he understands
everything aud there was no one in Under
NIL 10 dispute the assertion. The Cap'n's
admiration for the First Napoleon was pro-
1usely yOciferous whenever occasion offered
Indeed, his worship extended TO all the Bona
psTte family and he spoke as familiarity of
.JO,, n ard Jerome as OF his own brethren OF
-f1s4E nf a lor fr a.alf
as be meant, no doubt, TO do, a Ndpoteonist,
De always made the mistake OF asserting
that he was a ''stanch Nsdp0'tdl," having
cary in life, no doubt, got the impression
that was the word most expressive OF his
homage for the Napoleon dynasty. He would
read steadily by the hour Ia an antiq uated
dictionary called PeTTUS Royal Standard
but PiJf'Cr-ch and Pope, ne said, engaged his
attention more constantly than all other
authors. Somehow he had go. the confused
Idea that they were contemporary writers.
This was the person whOdDmlnatei Under
hill, proving cOnclusively that a man is apt
10 De estimated everywhere according as he
sway Of bis critical faculty, aud accepted his
dictum from mere fo-ee Of habit. Nobody
cared 10 praise or fnd fault with the paint on
a new house. the style OF new barn, the
color OF a new COW, the gait OF a new horse,
The sermons or new m mister, until the
Sapn had pronounced upon them" | re-
member he spoiled all the chances OF settling
an excellent young Clergyman IN our parish
Sby saying or the rev candidate, that .'htS
pr trdS IrePOstIStS." Some few OF the parish
toner's Attempted 8 dissent from his jadg-
ment, bat II awaited nothing. "OI1 C4o'u
Brine don't like him" settled The matter, but
not the minister.
The Cap'n's wife had died In middle life.
and we were Informed by the only Old lady
IN The parish who dared IN speak disparag-
1rgly OF the village oracle, that MARIA
Br ne was haTnsum a a picter when she was
young but that she was worn out by her
husbands contempt for every word she ut
Tered in his -"scOTched By his dis
DAM II The meek woman happened 10
make remark on any subject under COusid
Grafton, he would fsrcely demand how she
came 10 know anything about IL, al believe
& my SOUL" said our Informant, che fairly
mortified that poor creetur into her grave
lOr { before her time
cur first encounter with the Cap'n hap
Tened in this wise Wden We first went 70
look FOR summer lodgings IN Underhill, the
Ip-tmaSter refereed Us 10 "Cap'u Barker
Brine down oy the PINT, who sonnet mes took
IClkS 10 board as an accommodation"
Steering COastwiSe, according 10 direction,
We found a stout, cranberry cO!Ored person
sge mendiBg some old lObster-nets that were
spread out on the little green lawn between