Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1877-02-28
HOmOrsOme Waits.

Az eel is not as slippery as a politician
but it can live on water longer.
"SuRE, and where is the entrance out %
asked an lrishmau of jailor
An Indian woman is squaw therefore
an Indian baby is squawling
SUNDAY is the strongest day, because all
the rest are week days Yet why is it so
often broken
IL LIVE by my pen" said poet, wishing
to impress a young lady. You look as If
you lived in it, was the reply.
"MARRIAGE is promotion says George
Eliot. In the eyes of such a reasoner, man
with his third wife would doubtless pass for
brigadier-general
"INsuLTs," says modern philosopher,
are like counterfeit money. We cannot
hinder their being offered but we are not
compelled to take them"
An Illinois newspaper has this advertise
ment: FONDA buckskin mitten. If the
owner will leave the other at this office, he
will greatly obige the finder"
A WISCONSIN newspaper saws "The
board of education has resolved to erect a
building large enough to accommodate five
hundred students three stories high"
DON neglect your n miu
in New York got sixty-four thousand dol
lars from banker for being good writer.
1t is not yet known how many years he will
get.-Danbury Ne,cs.
An exchange solemnly asks "What is
the danger of the hour ?" We know. Dan
ger of standing ON your head in an unex-
pected place and dropping your arctic over
shoes off into your eyes
| Al a. oil
waiter to him, and remarked: This goose
with wine sauce would be most palatable,
but for slight mistake. The age is in the
goose and not in the wine"
"AH Jenny" said sympathizing. friend
to a man who was Just too late for the train,
"you did not run fast enough" AYES,
did" said Jenny. 81 ran fast enough
but did not start soon enough"
SpEAKING of shaving" said pretty girl
/ to an obdurate old bachelor, " | should think
that pair of handsome eyes would be the
best mirror to shave by" Yes, many
poor fellow has been shared 10y Them" the
wretch replied.
MoIIERE was asked why, in certain coun-
tries, the king may assume the crown at
fourteen years of age and cannot marry be-
| fore eighteen? at is answered Moliere,
" because it is more difficult to rule wife
than a kingdom"
"HANDsoMr is that handsome does, said
a Chicago man 10 his wife, the other day
"Yes," replied she, in winning tone, as she
| held out her hand. For instance, hus-
band who is always ready to hand some
money to his wife.
81 DON'T see how you can have been work
ing all day like horse" exclaimed the wife
! of a lavNvar her husband having declared
that he had thus been working. Well, my
dear" he replied, " I've been drawing con-
veyance all day, anyhow"
"THE trouble is, young man. said the
wise old gentleman, who had been called
upon for advice, "you live too high" Yes,
| presume So" replied the youth live in
fifth story garret." The old gentleman saw
that he had struck it wrong that time.
"WHERE did this baby come from ?"
asked little three-year-old girl of the nurse
who was washing the squealing little stran
ger "Why, from heaven, of COURSE" re-
Piled the nurse "Well, if il screamed like
that there, don't wonder they sent it Off "
was the stunning rejoinder
HERE are some fine specimens of the
American gift of exaggeration: ave are
told of grass in Colorado that is so short you
must lather it before you mow." "There
was a man who stood under pile driver to
have a pair of tight boots driven on. He
found himself shortly after in China, per
fectly naked and without cent in his
pocket" "There is a man in the West so
bow-legged that his pantaloons have been cut
out with circular saw" western edi
tor said of tornado, " Ii was wind that
! just sat up on its hind legs aud howled'