The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1877-02-11
JACOB YAN DREYER-FUNNY MIN

Jacob Vandrcyer OF Michigan was not
only worth s35. 900 when he died the other day.
but he was the funniest of the funny men He
was funny in his looks. in his ways, in his laugh.
AMI in his speech. and one day when asked
why he did not write for the papers he replied:
Some day schall pcgin to do So"
He began the other day when he died. or,
rather. just before he died. When told by the
doctor that his flame of life would not flicker
beyond two or three days. jacob replied:
"Vhcl dot is all right. Go down ind tell my
clerk in der saloon TO set 'em up for de poys. 1t
isn't so hot to die in Shanuary as Shuly. also
pring me lawyer. dot shall make my will"
He made will. Tho corpulent Mrs. Van
Drcyer wiped her weeping eyes and wondered
If he would leave all to her. and her thin waist
ed daughter and thick WASTED sons felt sad
hearted and figured on about s. 900 each.
Tho lawyer was cosetcd with Uncle JACKIE for
two or three hours and those in the next room
were frequently and greatly surprised to hear
the dying man call OUT
Hal hal hal but won't dot provision in der
will shurst mako all der newsbabers read
funny ~
Something ticklcd Jacob Van Dreyer. but
what it was no one could find out. He laughed
just rs much after the lawyer had departed. and
AZ his family gathered around his dying bed he
smiled blandly and said:
My dear ones. l haf made will. All der
wives and shillrcn are provided for in der latest
Paris style. und hope you will all be well blcas
od-hn hal hap
They thought his mind wandered, but that's
whore they were lame His mind was IA sound
as brick. and his head WINS level He was
grinning and chuckling when death overlook
him. and when the coffin was opened in church
for n last look the face of the dead Van Drcycr
"a t,isaanI Tho m
revealed when his will was opened. 1t was in
due and legal form and the first provision read:
" TO my good and faithful wife give and be-
Qucath the sum OF $1,000. cash in bank, pro-
yldcd that the said Augusta Van Drcyer suf-
iers tho loss Of her ears within three days
To- part with her ears she shall have the sum Of
500 cash, and no more
Whom Frau Van Drcyer heard the above pro-
! vision read. she capped her fat hands to her
large ears. uttered yell Of dismny and despair.
and tainted dead away. If there Was any fun
about that she couldn't relish it, The second
| provision Of the will related to Carl. the oldest
| son, and II rend:
Ny son Carl is very fond Of hunting. Igve
! nnd hequ"nth him the sum OF 5000 IN l. =;
! bonds and have secretcd them whore he will
| have all the hunting he wants before he finds
! them. II he never discovers them; they are to
/ BE- given Ia the German schools Of Detroit"
Dot isa pix shoke on met growlcd Carl;
/ and he left the room to find consolation in his
pipe, while the lawyer read the third provision:
NY daughter Katrina Is always before the
mother or mending her brothers clothes. d.
]
rect that my saloon he sold ~ soon rs pOss iblc
and one-hgli the money laid oU in looking
glasses for kairinn, while the other half be given
| her for the purchase of ribbons"
on yhas porn to hear uch dings rs dozel'
walled the thin wnisied Katrina and she would
have tainted away had not the son Carl made up
iace at her through the side window. ana
! aroused her si-i'rly indignation. Til" lawS r
had solemn duty 10 perform, and he continued
My second son, Hans is lazy and cood-na-
tured. / give and hequcath him my grocery
D building. land and stock. IL That he Will
! have nothing lett AZ Tia" end of year. Before
/ entering into possession he shall saw and split
! sin cords Of hickory wood. II he fails To- comply
/ with this provision. the property shall hc sold
/ anu tn" FRO Gods donated 10 some German or
phan AS lum in Michigan"
Such shokes-surh shok"s,' groancd Hans
and n" slid out To comfort ihH TAT Carl, who was
wondering II the bonus left him wrrc buried in
/ III" cellar or hidden IN the garrett There was
Stillauufhrr son. Ilr-ilt ia the corner. grihuing
/ az his mother and wlnkns at Katrina, and the
Ny son Gnsiayus is good hoy. and he can
/ take jnk" ms well - his father. | therefore
leave him Just what began fe withholding,
AM hope he Will maxi good usc Of II.
Gustayus puit grinninE, and .wnking in abou,
II can dakc dot shoke den doan' knoww
The lawyer had finished the Family. but that
wasn't the end. Funny jacob Van Dreyer had
some friends whom he thought III 10 remember
As Theodore Gust has been n lifelong fricnd
/ OF mine, desire 10 leave HIM the sum ol 5000
] Before taking p l-~i 50 iun of the money lv must
have his whi-kcrs all cut oil and his h"ai
]
from this good Morli.N
Mr. Gusi was on hand g. hear the reading
/ Of the Will, AMI he felt of his hU-liy hair and
+ long goatec. glanced out at tho howlin- winter
/ storm and he smiled sad. sweet smile ~ he
shook his head and replied:
7hust Ike 10 see myself doing such dngs.
And "a jacob IIoine has also been n good
friend ~ mine. said the Will. and ~ he il in
/ clinod 10 think we'll Of himself | will and h,'-
gu'ath hlm my dying opinion that he j. the
/ greatest Dutrhman in America. If he shall take
tho strawberry color ont ~ hiS nose within three
weeks from my burial. he l. To have money
/ enough rom ny estate 10 buy him live barrels
/ OF beer.
/ Jacob Heinc was also there H. had worn
very bland look. and he had chu Killed. over Mr..
/ Gusts sot-na X. hut his own downfall LETT him
/ ~ limp rs "A rag. He slapped his lex and called
out:
Why does lot dead man make some SMOKES on
/ his best trent? won't take dot pe"r-py guy
/ no.
The fat widow the lean daughter and the lazy
! sons are making am cnort % break the will. and
/ the effort Will doubtless be crowned with SUI
c,~- H. each one of them il ready 10 affirm that:
" Dul" man was moro -rDy a- one loom
Nevertheless Jacob Van Droycr has had his
/ fun and hd, Won his title.