The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-06-09
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
A lady. inclined to lirt, says men are like
q cold, easily caught, but very hard to get
rid Of.
The ST. Louis Globe Democrat takes issue
with Bishop Whipple, and does not believe
there are any "goOd lndians-that "the good
red men and maidens all died with grief at the
loss of Fenimore Cooper
Such is the impatience Of human nature that
the man who asks favor of his Maker, say
at A. NJ, too often becomes skeptical if his
prayer is not answered by halfpast eleven.
If Rodgers, the sculptor, desires to make a
statue representing % Surprise, - we would sug-
gest that he enclose anonymously a 8 bill to
country editor, and then observe the features
of the recipient as he opens the letter at the
post-ofhce.-
A Negro held cow while crossed-eyed
man to knock her on the head with an
axe. The darkey, observing the mans eyes,
in some alarm inquired, " You gwine to hit
whar you look?'' [" Yes.'' ssDen,'' said
Cuffee, /" hold dis COW yourself
'' Have you tried the blue glass remedy
yet?'' asked Smith of Jones. '' No. said
Jones; " that is, only indirectly. My mlkman,
judging from the beautiful color of his milk,
is trying it on his COWS, and indirectly
on me.
because, as she explained, her mother was once
robbed of two dresses, and she thought police
man a good thing to have about the
house.
A party of vegetarians who boarding at
4 water cure establishment, while taking walk
an the field, were attacked by bull, which chased
them furously out of his pasture. That's your
gratitude. is it, you great, hateful thing?'' ex-
claimed one of the ladies, painting with fright and
fatigue. CATER this Ill eat beef three times
day."
The Sultan is much Effended at Russia,
cries Pasha at her armies, says the Ottoman
power khan not be overthrown, and is ready,
like true Muzzieman, to walk up to the
cannon's mouth, if necessary. He insists that
there will be no Porte whine about the
result.
Mrs Partington says that just before the
late war circumstances were seen around the
moon nightly, shooting stars perambulated the
earth, the disk of the sun was covered with
black spots of ink, and comets swept the
horizon with their operate tales. Everybody
said that it proaigated war, and sure enough
war did come.
A Scripture reader waited on a good woman
an q collIery village. Not satisfied with the
woman g spiritual condition, the visitor remarked
that he was afraid she did not keep the COM
mandments. Keep the commandments - she
exclaimed, 81 Via these BARNS. I've enough to
do to keep oorsel's'
Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, abhorred
smoking. His Quaker Council one day, obserE-
ing him approach, laid down their pipes. al
am glad to see" said Penn, you are ashamed
a principal Friend. ' we only laid them down
lest We should offend weak brother"
Horace Greeley used to tell this story: He
once sent a claim for collection to a Western
LAWYER and, regarding it as rather desperate
demand, told the attorney if he collected it,
he might reserve half the amount for his fee.
In due time Mr. Greeley received the follow
ing laconic epistle: Dear sir, l haye re-
ceiEed my half of that claim. The balance
is hopeless"
A highland laird was checked off in
his financial accounts by his wife on his re-
turn. He had called at the chemists for a |
draught for the babe of three years old She |
said, " see ye Gamma buy poothers for BARNS;
/ would a gotten twa as big as yours for |
. shlllin'.'' Jamie replied, g Hoo wud ye |
manage that?'' Well, Ill tell ye. He would |
spier hoo auld the bairn wus?'' ''Ay, of |
conrse, an L tell't him it three years
anId.'' .Well, if it had been me, l wud |
saw the babe was six years, and 1 wud'a got
ten ane big again. and then divided it in
twa" THAT thocht never struck me-" answered |
Jamie
Christian at WORK: a little bright-eyed
three-year-old was seated in his high chair
Mt the dinner-table. Mamma had arranged the
little uneasy. RnIlc lOT the nIs spEjRuI-
illness and fun had made him the observed
of the family. She had placed him snugly
up to the table, pinned on his bib, and sue
ceeded in getting the little mischevous hands
quiet, and making him s. hush'' when father
proceeded to ask the blessing. While this
was in progress our little chubby made dis
coyery. 1t was that all the plates on the
table, except his own little plate, were in one
pile at papas place. and as it seemed to
him we're put there to get the benefit of the
solemn ceremony. So, scarcely waiting for the
.. Amen - he held out his own plate in both
hands, saying, '' Please, papa, pray on my
plate, too"
The present Archbishop of Dublin, the gifted
author of the work so widely known, on the
Study of Words,' is not in very robust
health and has been for many years appre-
hensiTe of paralysis At a recent dinner in
Dublin, given by the Lord-Leutenant of Ire
land, his Grace sat on the right of his hos
tess the Duchess of Abercorn. In the midst
of the dinner the company was startled by
seeing the Archbishop rise from his seat, and
still more startled to hear him excaim in a
dismal and sepulchral tone, L" 1t has GOMEZ it
has comei'
What has come, your Grace ?" eagerly
cried half dozen voices from different parts of
the table.
What I have been expecting for twenty
YEARS. solemnly answered the Archbishop-''a
stroke of paralysis. l have been pinching my
self for the last twenty minutes, and find myself
entirely without sensation
Pardon me, my dear Archbishop" said the
Duchess, looking up to him with a somewhat
onizzicaI smile pardon me for contradictinp !