Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1877-04-11

FACETIE.

| w hen die" said married man
I"I want to 60 where there is no snow
to shovel" His wife said she pre-
sumed he would.
Fish-monger-"Well fish is dear
mum you see, it's getting WEIR,
sca'ce In conscience of these 'ert
aqueriums."
Phoebe Cozzens wants to run 1
postoffice. II she can't get one, could
she not run . postmaster, as the mex
thing to II.
Grandma, why don't you keep :
servant any longer 2" "Well, my
child, You see Pm getting old now
and can't take care of one, as used
to, you know"
Divorces are 80 cheap in Chicago
that an active and enterprising mar
can have fifty-twO wives a year and
no funeral expenses.
Miss Pinkney, an aged maiden
lady in New York, pays $4OO. 900 q
year in assessments and taxes, and vel
she can't vote, and 1t is 10 be feared
that she don't want to.
Oliver j. Meade, q former Pc
tersburger, in writing to his friends
In that city of his marriage in Cali
fornia, thus tersely describes his
bride: "She has q head as red as a
. woodpecker's, and owns sheep till
you can't rest.
james Parton rejoices over his first
baby. twill be remembered that he
married his wifc's daughter. This
leaves it difficult to determine wheth-
er the baby should be called his
child or grandchild.
James McCann, aged l3 years, of
Cincinnati, was playing in the street
with . small tin trumpet, when some
boys chased him under playful pre-
tense of taking it away. Suddenly
the boy tripped and fell, and in fall
Ing tho small end of the trumpet en-
tered his neck ON the right side, sew.
ering the jugular vein SO that he bled
to death in less than ten minutes.
A sensation was created in the Rev.
Adirondack Murray's church, last
Sunday, by the appearance Of q well
dressed lady, who, after searching
over the whole house, found the man
for whom she was looking, In the
company Of another equally attract
I've woman. She upbraided him
sharply for his conduct, and then
marched him from the house of wor-
ship.
The Rev. Zebulon Phillips, . menu
ber of the firm Of Phillips, Gardiner
3 Co., knit goods manufacturers at
Amsterdam, N. Y, drew checks ON
the firm, last week, for several thnus-
and dollars, got them cashed, and
fled with the proceeds. He was al
one time the financial manager Of the
Methodist Book Concern, and was al
SO connected in a similar way with
Methodist school at Troy.
Two passenger trains on French
railroad c0llided last December and
nine persons were killed. The disas-
ter was due to the carelessness of a
station agent; he was arrested, in.
dicted for homicide, found guilty, and
has been sentenced to three years
Imprisonment. It wouldn't be bad
idea to try that sort of thing in the
United States.
A writer in Scrsbner has an article
on the subject: elbow to Keep the
Boys on the Farm" He evidently
means well, but he doesn't touch the
point. To keep the boys on the farm.
the farm shohld be well paved, be
lighted with gas, have q band stand,
billiard tables, and its own bar and
race course. We hope our farmers
are just as anxious as they appear to
keep their boys on the farm, but they
don't seem to take any definite action.
-Danbury Ne,rs.
Doctor" said an old lady the 9TH
er day to her family physician. "kin
ye tell me how tits that some folks ia
borned dumb 2" "Why, hem! cer-
tainly madam" replied the doctor !;
''if is owing to the fact that they come
into the world without the power of
speech |" LA, me " remarked the
old lady; "now jes see what it is to
have q physic edication. I've axed
my old man more nor hundred
times thct ar same thing, and all that
| ever could get out of his was, 'kase
then is'"