The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-03-24
gts &tesgraatt.
Ottawa, ILL.,. Saturday, March g. 1871
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Jack Shepard looks as wicked Us ever, Dut ME
voice is gentle rs he MARBLES:
The old woman. her bones did ache,
For many and many year,
But blue glass came, with all it's fame
And now she's tough as bear.
Little stonewall Jackson sings as he puts the
shine on boot, and he sings as follows:
She sat beside blue glass pane
To cure her pal-pi-taton;
The sun came In and burned her car,
And now she's all vex-a-tion.
While Thomas Henry Jackson is not entire
ly skeptical as to the cure, he may be heard any
afternoon singing, as he parades Griswold street;
oh, the bluest thing that do know
Is a big blue bag Of indngo;
Around my neck I'll hang one, sure,
Aud beat you folks on bluc-gass cure
Charles W. He'll announces himself As a candi-
date for marshal Of Kankakee. II elected he
will make il warm for the bummcrs.--GRDidn
star. Now isn't there a man in Kankakec who
can beat He'll g-hendaU Co. Record. Why isn't
he Just the man they want? It's h OF a
town.
Every man is, in a sense, three different men.
In the first place he is the man he thinks HIM
self to be; in the second place, he is the man
other persons think him to be; and, finally, he
is the man that he resllyis
There isn't single printer among the 1000
convicts in the pepitentidry at Joliet. The worst
crime that printers commit is mangling the ed
TORS copy. and setting 1t up "thef" when he
writes "brief." And this isn't penitcntlary or
tense. But it ought to be.-Kdnkakee Gazette.
But suppose, as happened once with our
jenkins, when he wrote Of young lady's
"charming grace" and the printer made 1t
In papitentiarv bp
adequate punishment in such case? In the
one referred to OF course the tpye tlend was in
stantly shot.
A feyerish thirst that refuses to be Qucnched
by drinking water may be allayed In the follow
ing manner: Throw slice OF bread upon burn
ing Goals, and when it is all a6ame throw 1t INTO
tumbler Of water. This remedy has been test
ed and proven good.-E1.
But what II one should drink the water?
A story entitled, "Hell on the Wabash" is to
be published in the Cincinnati Commercidh Dan
Voorhees, and Bayliss Hanna would make two
good characters.-Aurord Netrs.
Old Thompson, Hayess secretary OF the Navy,
taking his first lessons in seamenship on the
raging Wabash, would naturally be the hero
OF the story
Even the polccat has its uses. An lows farm
er has disco Scred that the polccat eats grass
hoppers eggs. NEXT they will be telling us that
there is still a sphere OF usefulness for states
men like John A. Logan.
Henry Ward Beechcr delivered lecture at
Bloomington on Tuesday morninJ OF last week.
His subject was Hard Times" and as an APP
propriate illustration OF the fitness OF the theme
the price OF ADMISSION was placed at one dollar
and Gtty cenfs,
The New Orleans Repu5iiean speaks mourn
fully Of the fact that there are people who ap-
pear to think this country needs more brass
bands"
Lougfellow received 5000 for his Hanging
OF the Crane" while the highest price paid In
this country for hanging man is twenty five
dollars.
No young man need break the engagement
because his girls father goes into bankruptcy.
The chances are that he will be better of when
be comes our than when he went in.
The Cincinnati local editors are noted for
their nice personals. Here is one from the Ga
z.tie:
One Of the most remarkable looking girls in
society this winter has been Miss Mollie Nelson,
OF CoYlngton,-a blonde with rather d pleasing
face, crowned by hair so ultra blonde as to look
unnatural. Her complexion is very brilliant
aud her features full OF expression. She is quite
a belle, makes distinguished toiettes, is an
adept In the art Of Irritation, and can entertain
ten men at q time"
The favorlte hymn Of the grass. hoppers, This
wheat by and by.'-N1o York Express. And they
sing IL by n oat.-Aurord Hetrs.
is called owen, the Mkman" Rather a com.
monplace title. There are so many persons
OWN the Milkman, you know.-Norr. Herald.
The Mormon has his woes, but he has his joys
as well. Brigham Young is said to have lost
twenty-seven mothersin-law since 1861.
A Boston girl, when asked to look through a
telescope and see "Venus in all her glory" re.
piled frigidly, Il have no desire to look ut any
member Of my sex who dresses as she is repre-
sented to-
A young American prma donna, who took
lessons in Milan few years ago, and returned
TO this country disguised with the tyranny OF
Italian music teachers. has been engaged as Il
substitute for a steam whistle In a Lowell boot
Acknowledging Argus.
There are applications for divorce in Brooklyn
occasionally for other causes than the one so
peculiar to that locality. For instance, Mrs
Sprait, III recent case, assigns the following
reasons for wishing to be released from Mr.. s.;
He hit her in the left eye with pumpkin.p
Later in their married life he hunga pitcher at
her, hit her with a lighted kerosene lamp,
threw glass bottles at her, drew knife across
her neck and threatened to cut her throat stuck
fork In her leg, poured hot tea over her, and
finally hit her in the back with bootjack. Be.
lieying this sort Of thing had gone far enough
Hrs. Spratt then left him.
DR.. Sunrise Is a Galcsburg physician. Give
him a hunk OF blue glass and he could rays the
deuce with most any disease.-Ne'cs.
Civil Service Reform is curiously illustrated
BY the spectacle OF Carl Schurz beslobbering
Zach Chandler for assessing the department
clerks and hoping that he may leave office with
arepuislion good .. Zach's! Probably he
will.-WOrd.
Good gracious! What are We coming to wheT
The New York advertiser is allowed to put "
this way: If the senator from Ohio ia Car