Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-02-15
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
ScoTcHMEN live on AYR.

Toll VI ldIilG
THE latest thing in fashion is the use of
wild ducks wings for trimming ladies'
hats.
"THE duelist," says the Christian In
teZliqeucer, " is murderer from the be-
ginning"
GAS YOU love your DOCTOR" says the
Boston transcript, :" see that your little
boy has a sled.''
WITH coal oil up to fifty cents gallon,
it's going to cost something to blow up an
old stove and a hired girl.
THE only gentleman's hat that seems to
know what to do with itself in church is
the one that passes around.
A THIN person may succeed as a lee
turer. but when a fat man gets through
speaking and sits down be always leaves
a deeper impression.
A LITTLE boy came to his mother re-
Gently and said: Mamma, J. should
think if l was made of dust | would get
muddy inside when drink coffee"
A CITIZEN in Philadelphia sued horse
railroad company for piling up the snow
along the track in front Of his house, and
the Court awarded him fifty dollars dam
ages.
SIDE-CUT kid gloves are the latest novel
ties. The slit is left in the outside seam,
so that the buttons appear on the outside
of the wrist, and thus the slit in the palm
is dispensed with.
IF it were not for experiments in science
nothing would ever be learned; at least
this was the opinion of the Newark man
who asked his wife TO put her tongue to
cold lamp-post
IT is foolishness for a man to try to
make game Of boarding house chicken
by looking at it, under the impression that
a steady gaze of the human eye will make
any animal quail.
A LECTURER on optics, in explaining
the mechanism of the organ of vision, re-
marked: Let any man gaze closely into
his wife's eye, and he will see himself
looking exceedingly small"
STABLE-KEEPER-" BY the way, shall l
put in an extra butfalO?' English
Blood Couldn't you let me ave an
'orse, you know? Er-er-rather not drive
buffalo first time, you know"
A PERSON out West is offering for sale
grass-seed gathered from the path Of recti-
tudc. A religious contemporary fears that
the path must be sadly OvergrOWn with
grass, as it is so little Travelled nowadays.
'sTHEY must have very feeble consti-
tuition in Congress" said Mrs. Parting
ton, 4" they haven't got power enough
among 'cm to count a few votes. Why,
Isaac would do it in five minutes by sim
pie admonition.
"CAN you play draw poker?" asked one
Chicagoan of another the other day.
"No," was the reply, but my wife
cam 'sShc camp : Yes" answered
the other, at least she frequently draws
the poker on me-"
Two INTERESTING children were anus
ing themsclvcs-in childish fashiOn-by
"playing railways" What do you call
your locomotives says Tom. =" Careless
ness, !" replied Harry. whats the name
of yours? 2" {" Collision"
BITUMIN0us coal has been discovered in
the Valley Of the Uncompah@r five miles
northwest of Ouray, Col, aud waists tracts
of the best pine timber for building and
timbcrinG mines cover the mountain sides
in the vicinity of the town.
TIE New Orleans City Railroad Com
pany receives five dollars a day in coun-
tcrfcit niclcIs and dimes. The annual re-
port of the company states that &" all efforts
TO arrest and punish the makers seem to
be abandoned by both State and Federal
authorities"
New York. an irreverent descendant
toasted Puritan mothers, stating frankly
that they were compelled to endure not
only the inconvenience of a rigorous
climate and the horrors of savage warfare,
but worse evil, the Pilgrim Fathers
Neaoarb Register.
IT was very calm last night along the
river In the north the weird plumeS of
tGa liS mi
head the stars sparkled with the briIlancy
of an arctic night. There was no noise
save now and then that pleasant sound
of FLASHING waters which denotes that
another small boy has skated into an air
hole. All was serene and beautiful.-N0r-
Cjcb bulletin.
EVERY human being is intended to have
a character of his own, to be what nc
other is, to do what no other can do. Ev-
cry human being has work to carry on
within, duties to perform abroad, influ-
ence to exert, which are peculiarly his.
and which no conscience but his own can
teach. Let him not enSlave his con.
science TO others, but act with the free.
dom, strength and dignity of one whose
highest law is in his own breast.
FAST fell the flakes upon the ground
A. he glided into view
Is this the editor?" :" II is
Sir, will You publish Beau"
But e'er he could pronounce the rest
The querst met his fate
He doubled up and calmly died,
Struck with paper weight!
He persisted in the nick of time,
For well the editor knew
That he meant to add " tifu Snow"
When he cut him OF at " Beau
Albany IN " Journal.
TT was before Judge Gary, the other
day, that very young attorney with Just
no case at ALL who had been arguing, with
eagle flights of eloquence, an unneces.
sarily vast amount of learning, and an
earncstness equal to that which animated
the boy who was "out of meat and
digging for a gopher, suddenly wiltcd un-
der the repeated, though kindly, checks
which the Court put upon his artlor. And
then It was that he rallied, and with last
forlom hope of weakening the law.
charged in with the sudden question:
" But, your Honor, what shall [ say to nv
clients" Judge Gary looked at him with
sympathy in his eyes; and probably going
back in his recollection to the time when
he, too, used to butt his head against the
statutes with just no case at all, mildly
observed: %, you go and say to him that
o!d Gary IS an incurable fool. l guess
hatll Go. "-ChicGQ0 Times.