The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1877-09-12

Better TO have loved a shorter girl
than never to have loved tsll.-Cancln-
mats Enquirer.
Givethe trsmps no quarter.-Ne'o York
Herald. We don't. We seldom give
them over five cents.-NOrristoaon Her.
ali.
STRIPED stocking are going out of
sty lie, AMI the Sunday-school picnic will
no more be electrified by q brilliant dis
play o. the northern lights every time a
girl falls out of the swing.-Haaokeye.
A MAN of threescore and ten is borne
down by the "weight OF years" and an
old maid of thirty-fve may be borne
down by the wait of years, too, Norris
toa0n Herald.
Am l not little pale?" inq Tired a
LADY, who was short and corpulent, OF q
crusty old bachelor. "You look more
like big tub" was the blunt reply
YonkerS Gazette.
JOHNNY lost lis knife. After search
ing in one pocket and another until he
had been through all, without success, he
exclaimed: ooh dear! wish | had an
other packet, it might be IN that. Fort
chester Journal.
IT makes boy heart-sick rs the WIN
tiers wood begins to loom up in steadily
growing piles in the backyard, and he
sees his mother making preparations
for organizing him into workIngman 5
psrty.-Ha,0keye.
GUEsT-"How did cabbages happen
TO grow in that slleywsy2 they certainly
could not have been planted there"
Acute porter-"La, no; that's where the
ge'men throw their Hsvana-cigsr
stumps." -PhitGdeLphlG Press.
When you see q dying fly coming out
of the butter and go crawling over the
tsblecloth with disguised look on his
expressive countenance, you can bet
your sesterces that you have been paying
lhirty-fve cents u pound for eleomargsr-
ine.-Hmckeyc.
WEAK men never can understand
how it is that it takes nineteen and u
half yards of swiss to make dress for
baby not more than eleven inches long,
but then there are u great many things
about the wardrobe OF even the smallest
baby that man is too finite to compre-
hend.-HaWkeye.
Good gracious, what Is othat, SethP
said Mrs Spicer rs n truit-peddler drove
past at A. NJ, bowling: Here yahl
Here y.a-a-h peechiz, ripe peechiz"
That, my dear" said Spicar, drowsily.
boring his head INTO his pillow for final
rap, 'that's pee hes aud decentralization
Bulletin.
AN freshman, fresh from the old cOuu-
try saw turtle for the first time, and at
once made up his mind to capture 1t,
Tic turtle caught him by the finger,
and he, holding it out at arms length,
said: Faith, and yo had better let loose
the how'll We have, or III kick We out OF
the very box We sit in, be jabers. Chic
ago Tribune.
Il always play by ear" said western
journalist At II social gathering, when IN
vited to bang some music out OF piano.
Good gracious" exclaimed An artless
girl, with rural simplicity. lyon have
pretty bigears, that's fact, but they
don't look long enough to strike the keys
unless you saw couple OF inches of OF
the legs OF the piano stool.'-Norristoa0n
HerdLd.
A LABoRER at work in Danbury
ward, hung his coat on post. During
the day some one in throwing n dish OF
water from q window, unintentionally
drooped the contents on the garment.
When the man went to get it, on quitting
work, ne perceived It's cor ditlon, and in
some CONSERVATION exclaimed: "Howly
murder i the coat wasn't thinkin' 1t
was on me back all the time, an went to
sweatin' wldout KNOWN the chate, -
Dapblsry Ne,0S.
He invited her to lunch, and she,
being beautiful young lady, went.
She real the bill OF fare behind her
sweet little ian, and whispered in zeph-
yry accents. "Woodcock on toast At
this announcement it flashed upon his
mind that his assets were but seventy
five cents. Something must be done.
"Cornelia do you know what wOodco;k
isl" he asked. mo, Mr.. Spinks," she
answered. well, then, my dear" said
he, at is big as halbut." "Oh good
ness gracious" exclaimed the charming
Cornelia, then bring me some pork and
beans" Sprnks winked exultantly at
the waiter, and the waiter winked know
ingly at him.-HarttOrd Globe.