The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1877-07-21

| vi Il june DtR II cOEle bbltl6 n unlSI
And likewise the one that haunts the feather beo'
Arm in arm with the one that gnaws potatoes.
Say, now, Annie, don't yOH wish that we were dead
The chiefs of the Cherokees, Della
ware and Seminole Indians are all MEM
bers of Baptist churches.
"A superannuated Turkish officer has
Just been given a position where he will
have nothing to do. He is a paymaster
A Scotchman has invented a way
of making whisky out of weeds. Hereto
fore whisky has made more weeds than
weeds have whisky.
.."Aut official patronage aut nihil."
Boston Post. OF course it ought. The
world is pinioned, checked, ~snothered,
by these absurd conventionalties. OFF,
cial patronage ought to be on the Nile
Just as much as ON the Potomac.
Each day in turn serves to dissipate,
one by one, the superstitions of an
tiquity, but there isn't enough time
marked down on the calenda-to suffice to
wean a boy from the practice Of splitting
on his bait before he attempts to catch
any fish.
o.This plan of making it rain just
when one pleases is all we'll enough, per-
haps, as the scientists figure it out, but
how will they manage when a man
wants to wet down his corn field the
same afternoon the church society hold
their picnic.
The butchers, bakers ard trades
men generally are now all converts to
the C. O. D. plan because they have
been defrauded so often by dishonest,
hotel-keepers. The chief poultry-man
there has &C. o. c." on his sign
" cash on chickens"
.Florence-"I have news for you,
dear; Harry Burton has got command of
the Spit-fre." Estella-Ard who on
earth is Harry Burton?" Florence
Who? Why, you were dying for him
when he sailed two years ago" Estella
1.-Two years! My dear girl, one dies
a great many times in two years."-May-
fair.
..' Take yeI to the West End for two
dollars" said a Long Branch hackman
to a gentleman who got off the train
yesterday. NO." said the traveller.
" Dollar and a half" The gentleman
shook his head. "Seventy-five cents"
yelled the Jehu. No answer. Jump in
and I'll take you for a quarter, or I'll
punch your head for a cent?" The
Branch hackman are rivals Of those of
Niagara.
The effect Of Mr.. Moody's preaching
has been to destroy the essay AZ an article
forpulpit use. His downright. straight
forward, and often unprecedented ut
terances have shown themselves so effec.
tive that the manuscript and memOriter
methods have suffered ir%recoverably by
the comparison. There may still be the
man who must read but he will be the
exceptional one, living in proof of the
rule United Presbyterian.
There is a Methodist church at
Trinidad, Col, almost on the line of New
Mexico. which has not a single male
member in it. 1t is an adobe building,
plastered inside and out. 1t cost $4,000
and is paid for. The official board is
composed entirely of women, who keep
their finances ub to the mark. The pas
tor, Rev. f. richards, a talented young
man, says he never had a board that kept
it's business in as good order as this one.
AT the last quarterly meeting the min
ister's salary, that of the presiding elder,
the sections bill and the incidental ex-
penses were met promptly.
"A Toronto barber who had become
converted to religion was t0ld that he
must work for the souls about him.
The tonsorial artist was a difficult man,
anG9he did not know how to begin but
one day a pretty hard case came in to be
shaved, and he thought he would i'm
prove the opportunity. The expected
convert was seated in a chair, duly lath-
cred, the razor %stropped till the edge was
as keep as a Damascus blade, and just
ready to apply to the customers throat,
when the barber whispered in his ear,
Are you prepared to die?" With a
bound and a shout the victim left the
chair, crying, Not if know i" rushed
up the street hatless and terrified lest
he should be pursued by the, as he sup
posed, would-be murderous barber. The
wielder of the razor has given up CONVEX
sion during business hours.
"A negro preacher had elaborated a
new theory Of the Exodus, to-wit; that
the Red sea got frozen over, and SO
afforded the Israelites a safe passage
but, when Pharaoh, with his heavy iron
chariots, attempted it, they broke
through and were drowned. A brother
rose and asked for an explanation of that
point. "Tse been ~studyin' geography,
and de geography say dat be very warm
country-where dey have de tropics.
And &c tropics too hot for ~freezin'. De
pint to be 'splained is, bout breaking
through the ice" The preacher
Strengthened up and aaid: "Brudder,
glad you axed Cat question. 1t give me
'casion to 'splain it. You see that was a
great while 'go-in the ole times TO dey
had any gography-'fo' dere was any