The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-03-22
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
"THE glass of fashion,: Blue glass.
"CAN'T afford itl' is the popular
chorus.
THIS world is altogether too full Of
eleven ounces to the pound.
EMBRoIDERED gauze for trimming bon.
nets is the latest novelty.
EACH Boston girl considers herself one
of the elect-one of the intellect.
SMIDGKINs says: make your home
happy-even If you have to stay away
from it."
Why is law-book like ram leaping
over q fence? Because they're both
boundin' sheep.
THE new style of neckware for men is
scarf of light-colored satin with bright
colored figures.
THE times are SO hard that an Irishmau
says he has parted with all his elegant
wardrobe except the armholes of an old
waistc0at.
1T is estimated that the number of Ia.
dies who cannot pass a mirror without
glanclng into it average about twelve to
every dozen.
IF man in q polar expedition should
kill another, what would be the heinous-
ness of his crime? Murder in the eighty
third degree.
VIRGINIA CRY sends a petition to the
Nevada Legislature for an act to prevent
the attachment of wa yes for saloon scores
above five dollars.
MISTRESS Ito new servant): "You
know, Mary, 1don't allow any followers !"
Mary: GOOD gracious, mum, then
what's to become of all the cold meat and
pies?
ASTONISHING cure for consumption!''
Is the old lodging house keeper said when
she sprinkled her pumpkin pies with
cayenne pepper before putting them be-
fore her bOarders.
AN Irish gentleman, hearing of friend
having q stone coffin made for himself,
exclaimed: BY me sowl, an that's y
good idee! Shure, an a stone coffin 'ud
last man his lifetime"
A YOUNG lady sent poem to British
newspaper entitled, ~ cannot make him
SMILE" The editor ventured to express
an opinion that she would have succeeded
had she shown him the poem.
A LITTLE pulpit, reciting in Vermont
history, being asked "What provisions
are made for the punishment of thieves,
Sabbath-breakers, etc. ~ replied with
alacrity, "Thcy are put into officc.''
A KIND gentleman prevented some boys
from stoning pigeon fastened by the leg.
Extricating it with much trouble, he put
it tenderly into his bosom. The next day
he remarked that it made q much nicer
pic than he expected.
OLD Mrs. Simplcigh read that it cost
$5O,OOO to move "Cleopatra's Needle"
from Egypt to London, and now she
would like to know about how much it
would cost to move Clcopatra's sewing
machine the same distance.
WHEN society young man falls in love
with Il young lady and calls to see her
four nights week, her sixtecn-y year old
brother can get all the cigars he wants free
of cost as long as the course of true love
runs smooth. There arc occasions when q
young man in love feels liberal enough to
give big brother 81 500 to secure his alb
scnce from the parlor.
NATURAL. flowers seem to be gaining the
asccndency over ornaments Of all kinds;
violets in particular seem to be the rage,
probably because their delicate sweetness
and subducd color render them emblemati-
Gal of the penitential season. A new bou
Quot is called "le bouquet parlant,' -
made of flowers so selected and arranged
as to express any sentiment and emotion.
A TRAMP was arrested in New Jersey
last week, taken before magistrate, and
sentenced for three months. The Justice,
in explaining the sentence, remarked that,
while there was no evidence that the pris-
oner had been guilty of any crime, he
thought it prudent to commit him, as he
had the wild, haggard look of a man
about to start newspaper.-BrO0klyn
argus.
A FIvE-YEAR-oID girl, who is GONZALES.
cling from an attack of scarlet fever, was.
the other day, suffering greatly from ear.
ache. Something prompted the little one
10 petition above for relief, and this was the
way she did it: "Oh, Lord good Lord, cure
my ear ache, continuing to repeat it over
and over. Her mother, hearing her muir.
muring, asked, "What are you saying,
my dear?' None of your business, -
was the reply; II amt talking to you;
am talking to the Lord"
A YOUNG man asks if he can "get mar.
ried and live on salary of six dollars a
week." Well, let's see. Say seventy five
cents week for cigars, one dollar fol
billiards, one dollar for the theater or con.
cert, seventy cents for beer, three dollars
| for house rent. three dollars for marketing
three dollars for clothes and one dollar fol
incidentals; total, $13.45. No; we DOM
think he could live on six dollars week
unless he and his wife would be willing
to foregO the luxury of clothes and victuals
and move every month a few days before
| the rent comes due. Better not get mar.
ried until his salary is raised TO seven doll
a milliner or Observation-Disclosures
Hdsck- Eye.
LIEUT.. PAYER, in his account of the
| Austrian Arctic Expedition, states that, on
his sledging excursions to Franz-JOsef'!
Land, the cold was so intense that wher
one of the party wished to take drart Of
rum, he knelt down while another poured
the liquor into his mouth, in order to pre-
vent the metal cup touching his lips ant
freezing to the skin. The effect Of thu
cold upon the articles of food and drink
carried by the party is thus described
to have lost all its strength and fiuidity
1t tasted like innocent milk, and its con
sistence was that of oil. The bread wa.
frozen so hard that we feared to break oul
teeth in biting it, and it brought blood il
we ate it. The attempt to smoke cigal
was a punishment rather than an enjoy
mcnt, because the icicles in our boards al
ways put them out, and when we tool
them out of our mouths they were frozen
even the shortest pipes met the same fate
| The instruments l used in surveying
seemed to burn when touched them, and
the medals which my companions wore OF
their breasts felt like hot IRON"
Spring BOnnets and Hats.
THE new bonnets are capote-like il