The New York herald., 1877-12-02

man who said he perfectly willing TO 60 TO Jail for
his crime, but begged the authorities not to allow his
mother-in-law to visit him.
Don't feel that you not big enough or rich
enough to be OF any In religion and make that
the for doing nothing You must come some
where in the Lords catalogue. He once even conde-
scsndsd 10 use both Baaam and his ass; ana, If you
can't be the one, then DO satisfied to be the other
There Is one last, heroic tor blindness II you
afflicted in this way Just get married, tha.
fails to open your eyes your s desperate one.
couple Of Baptist ministers have had q very carnal
quarrel In which they have used adjectives and
petives not to be found In any we'll regulated clerical
vocabulary. The only cure ID moro water; this time
put them under and keep them there. There sn't
room on this little piece OF real estate knswn the
earth Tor two ministers who illustrate tho gospel OF
peace by trying 10 tear each other In pieces
There is funny moral question In connection with
the circus II Is very worldly show. and OF course
church member IN good standing would ike 10 be
the box oics In the act OF purchasing ticket
But then absolutely necessary 10 take the little
hve-year-old, because It will amusc him and so three
uncies two maiden aunts and grandfather take that
little in their united arms aud 60 10 the circus
Just for tho boys sake. know Such sell denial
on the part Of tho old folks ought 10 be rewarded
II 10 we'll enough TO De tempered, but TO be so
very tempered that you all the time is
far from we'll.
A scotchman was afraid tha. his church steople
would be injured by The pressure Of the heavy winds
against the lour cardinal points. north SOUTH east
and wesi and asked the architect to arrange them
that they would with the like the weather
cock II would be very agreeable OF us II we
could just switch round tho cardinal points In
while, but unfortunately they are so made that they
won't bulge.
great many ministers think themselves brilliant
lights in the world and wake to the con scousness
that they are farthing candles only when the society
puts an extinguisner on by suggesting resignation
out West recently died while saying his
prayers, and some illogical people have resolved not
to say their prayers any more for that reason.
Bulwer has thus eulogized the weed:-"A pipe IL
Is great soother, pleasant comforter; blue cevils
fly before its honest oreath ripens the heart and
the man who smokes thinks like sage and acts like
aSamarItan." And Charles Lamb cries out amen in
this
For thy sake, tobacco
Would do anything but die
We are hero reminded oil the Scotch minister who
was inveterato as SNUFF takeE He snured before
sermon, and he snuGed during its delivery and he
stuffed aitor IT, Ono day, however, ho caught in
his trap. He had just bestowed his nasal or
gan most generous gltt, when he took Tor his text
"My soul cleavetn unto the dust" The congregation
the poiut at and smiled, in spite Of their
Presbyteriansm Even sxteenthly failed to restore
to them their wonted equanimiiy.
One OF the compensations OF tho poor Is that
he never be taFen IN by counterfeit thousand
dollar bill. Still there very few poor people who
would like to occupy position where they would
bo subject to that misfortune and then.
Even an epitaph may by unforeseen accident
tell the truth. The old French saying, "ro lie like
funeral sermon" is not always applicable Near Paris
ior"Here repose In peace, after forty years OF
RED lie, Pierre Bigot and his wife, :" The suggestive
of that announcement is alarming
II is said to be evidence o the moral progress
made by the Russians during the last generation that
they are going to Erzeroum by the Kars.
The lessons OF youth also lessons for manhood.
A boy triod to warm up yellow hornet by applying
match to II. That boy Is now trying reduce the
swelngs In the region OF his eyes order his
way round the house He says neither
is any match tor hornet
Tho Scriptures ought, undoubt tedly to be defended
all and hazard. is necessary proceed
to extremities, as did the Texans, who said, with
oath big and black that II almost brought
eclipse OF the sun, that 'rf thero inddel in
he should bo hung to the nearest amppost,'.
and declared that though they were no better than
other folks thev were bound TO have the unaduter-
ated Christian religion Ia thor town and wouldn't
stand any .'inndel nonsense nohow and noway."
We nevertheless, have great sympathy with the little
boy said that his avorite of Scripture was,
'I any man hauls down the flag shoot him on the
spot"
Lavater says, "a woman whose ruling passion is NOT
vanity is superior to any man OF equal abiItcsn The
compliment very delicate ono, but the reservation
is ominoua
The medical and moral properties OF cayenne pepper
belongs OF New York hospitals. II is at
length known that II couple of ounces Of this In
sdious substance be heated 200 degrees Fahrenheit
It will completely pervade the atmosphere of audi.
ence room produce a simu taneous sneezc on tho
part of tho entire assembly. An experiment OF tho
curative qualities OF this berry In Its puiverzod state
tried on several hundred free thinkers. and the
effect was magical They became not only think
ers, but free takers In instant. They began to
press themselves with volubilty that was surprising
aud words which had lam dormant words pungent ant
expressive, flowed from their lips freely though
they had been in daily 1t impossible Tor tho
reporters TO take down these expressions, because
shorthand mas no Signs for them. Another property
OF TINS capscum baccatum to produce imme ediate
ununlmity OF opinion among the largest assemblies
even. In five minutes al, It's apple. there
no dissenting voice. However prepostcrous was tho
motion put 1T was at once sneezed into legal
ment. In consideration OF this latter quality would
be well to put this medicine up small packages for
in theological conventions. and label 1t ''The
Universal Tranquillizer." teaspoonful properly ap
piled will prove to the most incredulous that end
a sovereign remedy for the ills OF lifo Is q sneezy
matter alter ALL
Religious poetry is sometimes peculiar In that 1t
clothes remarkably beautiful TACT in remarkably
poor dress. One does not like prince a
begsars garb nor high thoughts IN wretched rhyme
Here are some "hnes, !" us they are very properly
called, which represent religion as kind OF railroad
tram, and modation train that
The Bible Is the engineer,
II points the way 10 heaven SO clear,
Through tunnels dark and dreary hero
IL does the way to glory steer.
Steering u railroad train is the result or poetical
frenzy, and not to be INDUCED by ordinary engi-
neers Tho noxt verse, however, contains an invita-
which Is not 10 be neglected because 1t s put into