St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-01-26
Josh Billings on the Bee.

The honey bee iz an infiamible buz-
zer, sudden in hiz impreshuns and hasty
in his conclusions. His natral dispo-
sishun iZ warm cross between red
pepper in the pod and fusil oil, and hiz
moral bias iz ''git out ov mi way"
They have a long boldly, divided i'll
the middle bi a waist spot, but their
phisikal Importance lays at the termi-
nus of their suburb, in the shape ov Il
javelin. This javelin IL alwas loaded,
and stands reddy to unload at a min
nit's warning, and enters man az still
az thought, az spry as litening, and az
full oph melancholy as the toothake.
Bees never argy case they settle awI
of their differences Ov opinyun bi let
tew hit rs Il mule liz.
This testy kritter lives in congrega-
tiOns numbering about 10000 souls, but
whether they are male or female, OF
conservative, or matched in bonds OF
wedlock, or whether they klub together
and keep one wife tew save expense,
don't kno nor don't kare. | never ex-
amined their habits mutch | never
considered it helthy, for what would it
profit man to kill ninety-nine bees
and hav the hundredth one hit him
with his .javelin
The drones seem always bizzy, but
what they are about the Lord only
knows; they don't lay up emmy honey
they seem to he bizzy only gist for the
sake of eating all the time; they are
always in as mutch ov hurry as tho
they were going for docktor. | sup
pose this uneasy world would grind
around on its axeltrees onst in twenty
four hours, even if there warnt emmy
drones; but drones must be good fOI
something, out kant think now what
it IL. There haint been Il bug made in
vain, nor one that want a good job
thare is ever lots Ov human drOnes loaf
ing around blacksmith shops and cider
mills all over the country that don't
seem tew he necessary for ennythine
but to beg plug tobacco and swear and
steal watermelons, but you let the
cholera break out once, and then you
will see the wisdom ov having jist sich
men laying around loose; they help
count.
Bees are not long-lived-i kant jist
state how long their lives are, but
know from instinkt and Observashun
that emmy kritter, be he bug or be he
devil, who is mad all the time and
stings every good chance he kan git
generally dies away.
The only way few git the exact fite-
ing weight ov the bee iz few touch
him let him hit you with his javelin
and you will be willing tew testify il
court that somebody run 1-tined
pitchfork into yer; and as for grit,
will state for the informashun ov those
who haven't had chance to lay il
their vermin wisdum as freely az hav,
that one single bee who feels well will
break up Il large camp-meeting
What the bees do for amusement il
another question i kant answer, bu
some ov the best readers and heavyes
thinkers among them naturalists say
that they have target excursions ant
heave their jjavelins at the mark bu
i don't imbibe this assurshun raw, for
never knu emmy body so bitter at hear
as the bees are to waste a blow.
There is one thing that bee does
will give him credit for on my books
he alwas attends tew his own bizzness
and won't allow any boldly else tev
attend few it, and what he duz he du
well you never see niH altering euu.
thing; if they make emmy mistakes it i
after dark and it amt seen.
In ending of this essa i will come tev
stop by concluding that if the bee
wuz little more pensive and not s.
darned premptOry with their javelin
they might be guilty of less wisdom bu
more charity. But you kant alter bu
nature without splicing it for enn
thing else, emmy more than you can a
elephants egg.