National Republican., 1877-02-25
NIT AND HUNOR.

A RAILROAD MEXTisd.-Collision Of two
trains.
NEySn use gold snuabOx. Gold Is not to be
TN. InE Longest periods in boys life arc those
", when are gloves unsaieaOie'-whcn they arc
,wnAT is everyone doing at the same time'-
Growing older.
WHEN Is girl not siri'-when she turns into
q coDtectioner's shop.
WHY is the world like pianoe-Becauso 1t is
full Of sharps and Hats.
TnEnE Is no harm in glass of whisky-ir you
allow 1t 10 remain In tho glass.
A YAsxEE in New York has q dog so very
serious that even his tail has not the least bit Of
wag about 1t.
Mr.. swEsDLErIrrs thinks that instead of CIV
Ing credit S s e whom credit is due, the cash had
A MAN who attempted to stand on his dignity
the other day couldn't do 1t. The platform was
RUNNING through fortune IS rather cxpeu-
pensIve pedestranism, and usually ends in walk.
Ing In despair.
heart turks this sentiment; "No bonnet, no
church"
YOUNG LkNY In Texas, who advcrtlscs for n
husband, says she can talk philosophy as well as
A MAN who can govern himself and his wIfo
the matrimonial arithmetic.
Why do the r,crimi tions of married couples
resemble the sound Of waves on the shore BE.
cause they are nurmurs ofth tied
WHILE young widow Is weeping over tho
memory OF her husband, she may fish mp o sue
cetsor In the dark stream OF her tears.
A NEW YonK woman says, if death loves q
shining marx, is singular that he has not aimed
at her husbands nose before this.
TRUE PICTURE OF DEsPAIR.-A pig reach.
ing through hole in the fence to get q cabbage
that lies few inches beyond his reach
mountains. They bore the mountains worse, and
to far less purpose, than the tunncl-makers do.
IT was said Of o great calumniator, and q frc.
quenter OF other persons tables, that he never
opened his mouth but at somebody's expense.
says, nThe swell died away in delicious suiioca.
tion, Ike ono singing sweet song under tho bed.
A WISCONSIN, editor having written Of de.
ceased gentleman that sickness had Impaired
Ms health" , rival rejoned, "Yes, It often has
LADIES are like watches-pretty enough to
look at; sweet faces and delicate hands, but
somewhat difiicult to regulate" nfter they are
THE most bitter piece Of satire on man gencr.
ally affects him least. II 10 written and composed
After his death and is commonly known as "an
A LITTLE GIRL was asked the meaning OF being
70 yoSs ss, 4 you wanted to give all your things
,WnAT He MEASs.-A journalist says that the
S aS Pdsss erss On SsE no
that she % has sa taper waist waIst what nc means Is
ION, I've loved before !" said q Detroit woman
TO her fourth husband, as she took handful Of
& ha,r m from N hs head eecsuse he objected to hang
A GENUINE InIsH BuLL.-Sir Boyle Roche
said, Single misfortunes never come alone, and
snS sTsntess q ~ oil possible mslOrtunes senor
"NoTHiEo will give you life" said New York
physician to dimIputiye mi patient, except quart
Il must die, as hold only pint"
HERBKRT SPENCER says the gold ring now worn
by married women is the sign Of the iron ring that
wa ESIn aeSqt ~ the neck or ankle In odsn Times
A PHILADELPHIA broker courted young lady
lot SIX years, and was too bashful TO ask for her
hand until her brother horsewhipped him into II.
cookery is rather too apt 70 spoil the dinner" Ut
doesni spoil 4 half as often rs your bad temper
does!" was the retort.
cousin "1'ye grown . cabbage head SIX feet in
, eircnmierence" who is your hattcrr" wrote
A IRonNENT Mormon married young girl in
1873 This third wife), her mother the next spring,
and finally her grandmother. There is no telling
where he would have stopped If the family had
CANADIAN MARsKNANsHIp.-"rhc bullet
struck pair Of scissors In the intended victims
were afterwards found in the pocket. The would.
DO atsn' sin escaped"
BAD luck is a man with his hands in his pockets
and his pipe In his mouth, looking on TO see how
1t will come out. Good look is a man Of pluck,
1t come out right
"You have played the deuce with my heart y,
said gcntisman TO . lady who was his partner In
game of whist-"WeIl," quickly replied the
laoy with an arch smile, at was because you
played the knavew
"A HOTEL in Kansas has the following notice
displayed In the bedro0ms:-"Gentlemen wishing
70 commit suicide will please take the centre Oh
the room, TO avoid staining the bed-lInen, walls,
and furniture with blood"
APPLAUSE In an italian theatre Is not always q
sure sign Of success. There was n case recently
OF composer being called before the curtain
twenty'iour times on the iirst performance Of his
opera. The theatre was closed the night before.
AN innocent old farmer weighed thc.butter
he sold to his grocer with pound bars Of soap that
he bought Of him, and 1t turned out that the but
ter fell short three ounces TO the pound but the
grocer didn't make public row aboutr.
NEW York mamma, who has succeeded in
getting her seven daughters of her hands, has
determined to open class for the instruction Of
young ladies in the art Of husband catching, 1t
Is to be called "The School Of Design"
THERE is an office In Paris where articles found
are taken to be returned 10 their owners. They
are daily registered by clerks, one of whom was
lately heard to call of three umbrellas, one
watch, two rings, one pair OF boots, and nve
NEW YoRR editor says OF n friend that she
had an attack OF typhus fever, which was SO SO.
yer that during the whole time Of Its contlnu.
nnec, he did not enjoy single day Of good health"
In this locality.