The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-05-24
PEfCIL AND SCISSORS.

To aid him in breaking off the habit of
tobacco chewing, an Onondago County
man had all his teeth extracted.
To worship is to a woman always
sweeter than to be worshiped. To wor-
ship one must look up; te be worshiped,
one must look down.
WE should always be very careful on
whom we confer benefits; for if we be-
stow them on the base-minded, it is like
throwing water into the sea.
AN old bachelor seeing the word
" families supplied" over the door of
shop, stepped in and said he would take
wife and two children.
Ho, all ye dyspeptics!" says patent
medicine advertisement. If all the
dyspeptics would hoe regularly their
number would be reduced.
DANBURY NeaCs: Professor Proctor
says the earth is growing larger. We
are glad to hear it. for real estate has
shrunk fearfully in the past three years.
AN Irish guide told Dr. James John
son, who wished for reason why echo
was always in the feminine gender, that
"may be it was because she always had
the last word"
CHARLES KINGSLEY said he did not
see why we should not be as just to an
ant as to human being. Human beings
don't get up your trousers leg when you
OF ,1ionio nd x-ifb WI
eetof eternity.
The following epitaph appears on
tombstone in Connecticut: "Here lies
the body of Jonathan Richardson, who
never sacrificed his reason at the altar of
supersition's god, and who never believed
that Jonah swallowed whale"
LA CROSSE Sme. If the girl that bor-
rowed our ulster overcoat to be Queen
of May in, and our buffalo overshoes,
will return the same, nothing will be
said about the red flannel bandage she
wore around her neck.
The best way to keep out wicked
thoughts is always to be employed in
some good ones. Let your thoughts be
where your happiness is, and let your
hearts be where your thoughts are;
so, though your habitation is on earth,
your conversation will be in heaven.
DANBURY NeUs: There is a peculiarly
subtitle influence to peanuts. Even the
man who is sure he doesn't like them
will reach after them as long as there are
any in range, and will even look around
in some anxiety. after the last one is
consumed. to see if there is not another
left.
A BLACKwELL's ISLAND prisoner es-
capped in this way: He took lager beer
keg, knocked out one of the headings,
and bored air holes in the other. Then
he stuck his own head into the keg and
Jumped into the water. Those who saw
the keg in the water had no idea that
there was man under it.
A JoNEsBoRo, Pa, paper is RESPONSE
Bile for the statement that, few days
ago, while the sun was shining brightly
and the sky was clear, lump of snow
2 weighing one hundred and fifty pounds
suddenly fell to the earth and remained
l unmelted for several days, during which
time it was visited by curious crowds.
IN the absence of any political excite
ment the New Hampshire newspapers
are engaged in trying to discover the
person who has the largest hand in the
State. At present the distinction rests
d with the citizen of an interior town, who
: has performed the interesting feat OF
: holding twenty-eight eggs in the palm OF
his open hand.
In the light of recent event the Bos'
. Traveller says: Better give the baby
rattle. He can get lots of fun out of
: revolver, but it is apt to go of, and hurt
somebody. When you see the baby In
: the back yard with revolver, and a re
% porter looking over the fence and
= whistling, al hear an angel calling" it il
as we'll to go out and take the weapon
away from the child.
v Dom PEDRO does not always applaud
q in the proper places" He attended s
= lecture in an Italian city recently, but
fell asleep while it was in progress. Hs
, was awakened by a storm of applause
- and thinking it was in acknowledgment
- cf some wise or brilliant saying of tn,
, lecturer, he joined heartily in th'
:. demonstration, at the same time endeav
- oring to give his face an intensely inter
:. ested appearance. The general applause
however, was invoked by a tribute t
the Brazilian Emperor, and Dom Pedr'
just woke in time to applaud himself.
n CINCINNATI Gazette: Roumania
,e whose neutrality was at the beginning
If very like an alliance with Russia, i
o about to declare independence of Turke.
is and to join her troops to those of Russia
e This was probably the understanding
o with Russia before she declared war
e Roumania had no cause for complaint
r, She had selfgovernment, and her Chris
"a tians were as we'll off as her own govern
Df ment could make them. The amount 0
in revenue she paid to Turkey was bu
he nominal. But Russia has probabl,
a fred her heart with promise of a lift t
Or kingdom. Perhaps she will find tn
ct Russian protectorate much further iron
i l. IL L Ill