The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1877-03-01
NO. 49.
ALL SORTS
The great ss,,ses-sak er--ram.

Don't get short " il you want to gel
along
Isn't Ninety-au,l-Nlne " short 10: old
Hundred?''
The low price OF geld is ,lsconfagins 10
the miners.
The New York World refers to Gen. Pleas
anton as one of the Blue Lights.
The times are hard, but valentines and
girls are as dear this year a. eyer.
Didn't want his heirs to starge to DEATH
The man who left provisions in his will.
'.All the worlds top" says the phioso-
pher OF the Brooklyn Argus. :. and woman
spins it,
Why is the elephant the most sagacius OF
travellers? Because he.neyer takes bis eyes
off bis trunk
A Connecticut clergyman, who was prom
ised more than he can collect. has asked for
a reduction OF salary.
A hotel ia advertised rs . kept by the WI
dow Of Mr.. Brown, who died last summer On
i new and improved plan.''
We should feel for the poor Ia our pocket
as well as In our heart, but the pocket re-
ferred to is not where the handkerchief is
carried.
The St. Louis Globe Democrat says: "A
rood rt,l. in t,si,,p oh words il to ha
sure you are right and then Use English"
OH always do.
Charity balls are still in season. TIC par
ticlpators have the bail, and the public show
the charity for them, and the poor--well,
they have co direct interest in the matter.
The vessel and tug business has got TO
pick up better this year than iast,' says an
old lake captain, g or I'll turn my craft bot
tom up on the wharf, and rent chem for pea.
nut stands
Moody says: = We don't wanL any mort
painted Christians Keep cool. ladies
don't get indignant; Ilis language wss pure
ly metaphorical, symbolic, fi2urative, and
llaU 10 reference I'D tpiHt itN siefiES-
The Ogle County tIllinoi-) Reporter saya
that ''money is so tight that re actually be-
lieye it must wea1 corsets.'' Well, we, Tor
one (adds the New York Commercial Aarer-
tiser), could never succeed in making is stny.
YES remarked tramp, as he stretched
himself out TO sleep on seat IN the Senate
gallery, 'the glorious palladium Of our lib
critics must be preserved. We can't watci.
these politicians too closely in fact, l think
I shall stay here all night
ssWhiskey Is your greatest enemy said i.
preacher TO Jones.
..But," said Jones, ''Don't the Bble say
we are to love our enemies -
''Oh, yes, Jones; but 1t don't say we arr
20 swallow Them"
There had been L discussion about The cost
of q dress, ard she was wrathy. It's all
very well,'' she pouted, ''for you to expect
woman to be an angel. But I'd have you
know, sir, that wouldn't be even an angel
unless my wings could be cut gorng. There,
now -
A daring ST. Louis nau who yentured 10
kiss Boston girl Ghus tersciy depicts the re-
shifting phenomena: " She rose in sections
rigid, awful. sutlime--towered Medusa.like
fixed her stony stare moment On moth
ingness, then leIescoped. collapsed. scooted,
and saw her no more
of ii t,t, tv the nuritnDs
ton Hawkeye man II we had AS lovely .
home as Judge David Davis has at blooming
ton, we would not want to be PRESIDENT
Wouldn't want to do anything but sit in the
front yard and look at the house, and he glad
we lived there and had the taxes to pay, and
one thing an another. But that's the way.
An old woman, on being examined before
a magistra rate as to her place of legal settle
ment, was asked what reason she had for
supposing her husband had legal settle
ment in that town. The old lady said:
IS He was Dor. AID married there, aud they
buried him there, and il that isn't settling
there, what is?''
A man, to whom some wonderful story
was teld OIL the authority Of penny news
paper, declined TO believe it, saying he dis
trusted all he saw in the cheap psints. "Why
shouldn't you believe the cheap papers," he
was asked, lag soon rs any other ~ 8 Be-
cause was his ready answer, :" dent
think they cau afford to speak the truth for
the money"
A capital ,etter-The love letter. A time
table--The table bought on credit. The en-
trance to q ball room-The lannon's mouth.
How to ascertain the weight Of Q mountain
Scale it. A smooth-faced swlnde--Owing
| the barber for share. A happy medium
The one who is always found in good 'sspk-
it's What part Of a ship most resembles
YOUR mother-in- law ?-The main stay.
tsWhat is going on In the next room,
| waiter?" asked a staid committee man at
| leading hotel, the other night. They're
| havn' q little game there, sir,'' responded
| the attendant, and just then somebody in
| the apartment referred to bawled, &C Pase
| the buck" at which the good mans face
cleared and he said, ''Oh, see; a venison
SUPPER and the committee business went
on.
! It has been over two years since the
/ Coleman and Mayo tlefalcations. Up to this
| time ne effort has been niatle TO recover from
| the securities the amount OF the tIeialcation.
| Indeed, there has been no scrutinizing, hon.
| est effort made to find out ths. amount Of the
robbery. We learn from The Dispatch that
the Rockinghanm Bank bon!s or notes, lost
at the same time, are in the same condition.
| 1t looks bad.
DEATH OF a DwARF.-Mrs. Sheperd,
who has been exhibited through the country
as curiosity for the last eight or ten years.
died few days since in New York, Of pneu-
moni3 She was tWenty-lne wears of are