The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-02-21
Naming the Twins.


A friend of Butter wick's who staid
at his house a short time after tho
twins were born, overheard the fol.
lowing conversation between the fond
parents one night after all hands had
retired. He was in the adjoining room.
Mrs. B.-What shall we call the
twins, Henry, dear! -sr,,.----.--=-..-.
Bob, dunno. Almost any good
names. How would Moses and Aaron
do? or Cain and Abel?
Mrs. B.-You ought to be ashamed of
yourself to want to name one of your
own children after a murderer! You
might have hunted the whole Bible
through without finding anything
worse!
DO, well, call them Shadrach,
Meshach, and Abednego then:
Mr.. B.-You know very we'll that
there are only two twins. and that they
can't have three names divided equally
between them. hate Scripture names
any how. want to call them after
some distinguished man,
B.-Well: name one OF them Butler
and the other Schurz.
Mrs. Bid rather die or the spot
aICGr
an undergarment.
koff suit you!
Mrs. B.-Butterwick, you know
can't abide those German names. You
would infict a curse on your innocent
boy if you would send him through
the world with such a name as Bis.
marck Butterwick. You know very
well you would. prefer an American
name. One that belongs to this coun-
try.
B.-Very we'll, then, call one of them
lSp0tted Tail and the other Hole-in-the-
Day. Those are indigenous to this
| continent.
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwick, if you are
going to turn the subject into ridicule,
[ will get up and dress myself, and go
downstairs. You shan'J insult me to
my face, anyhow. You know we'll
enough that l meant some white AM
| erican name.
B.-How would Smith and Jones an
swer?
Mrs. Bid rather bury both of
them in one grave. Why don't you
suggest some distinguished American
name!
DO, all right; there's Benedict
Arnold and Martin Van Buren,.
Mrs. B.-They shall never have those
names with my consent. E.
B.-How about Adams
Mrs. B.-That's only one name and
there are two babies.
B.-Well, call one ca and the
other ssDams.''
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwick. if you use
| language like that again I'll go home
to mothers this very night.
B.-Well, then, if you must have
the name of celebrated Americans, call
one "rilly Slowboy'' and the other
'sToodles.'''
Mrs. B.-Were they prominentmen
I don't remember hearing about them
! before.
B.-Why, my dear, they both signed
the Declaration of Independence, and
Slowboy was Vice President under
Washington. If you want straight
out revolutionary patriots, those are
your men.
Mrs. B.-What did Mr.. Toodles do!
B.-Louisa, am surprised at your
ignorance! Don't you know that he
commanded at Valley Forge!
Mrs. B. don't think much of their
names, anyhow. Say over some others.
B.--Lemme see. Well now, there's
Mephistopheles, and
Mrs. B.-What did you say he did?
B.-Did! Why he commanded the
frigate Constitution in the war of 1912,
and he was killed while mailing the
American flag to the mast.
Mrs. B.-And you want to name one
of your children after him?
B.-Certainly. Why not Noble
old patriot! Did he not die in de-
Tense Of Why, Louisa, what are
you going to do!
Mrs. B.-Why, I'm going to quit
this house and take the twins with me,
and stay away forever. l know just
as we'll as you do that NIephistophlees
is another name for the devil. I've
seen him at the OPERA. 1t is perfectly
infamous for you to suggest such a
name for your own flesh and blood. I
don't believe in your Slowboys or
Toodles either. I'm certain that you
have been telling scandalous stories,
and now I'm going to leave.
Then Butterwick was heard to use q
persuasive tone with Mrs. B., and
finally she made it up with him. The
twins were eventually baptised John
and Henry.