The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-07-19
W.T. AND HUMOR.

VIE AND HUMOR.
"THE light of other days Flint and
steel.
DEEP laid sohemes-Egg-sh shaped tor
pedoes.
The center of gravity-An undertak-
er's nose.
AN anomaly in the binding of books
Ancient calf
A SOCIAL glass to which ladies are adj
dicted-The mirror.
WHAT tricks are most common among
Irishmen? Patricks.
WORKING for a bare life-Makinp
clothes for a young baby.
EXTRACT from a letter in a recent
breach-of-promise case: "My ownest
own"
DOCTORS never allow ducks on their
premises, they make such personal re-
marks.
WHAT bird is in season all the wear
round and extra when necessary? The
weather-cock.
A CONTRACTORS ignorant wife lately
remarked, owe are building an extenu-
alton to our house."
CHE wooed and she wouldn't is the
way they put it in Frisco when a woman
declines proposal Of marriage.
A PERSON always meets with warm
reception at q hotel. The minute he ar
rives he is placed on the register.
A LITTLE girl suffering from the
humps declares that she "feels as
though s. headache had slipped down in
to her neck"
A CLERGYMAN, who was annoyed by the
squeaking shoes Of his parishioners, re-
marked that some people had " to much
music in their soles.
A PHOTOGRAPHER who can make mole
On a lady's chin appear like dimple in
her picture has achieved the highest
standard of his profession.
PATIENT Ito doctor, who has called in
his sporting costume): ct presume,
doctor, the reason you have brought
your gun is to be sure not to miss me. "
''YEs'I; and were 7 to give my opin-
ion of the fowl, I should say it was old
enough to have scratched up seeds of
original sin when they we're first plant
ed"
CT AM speaking" said a long winded
orator, "for the benefit OF posterity."
Yes, said one of his hearers, "and, If
you keep on much longer, your audience
will be here"
BERTHE: "Papa, when [ grow up,
may be what I like ?" Papa: eyes,
NY boy, you may choose your own pro-
fession. % BERTHE: "Then I'll be sweep,
for shall never have to wash my face.
The melancholy days have come,
The saddest of theyear
The huckeberry and the peach,
The cherries are here.
Nor ripe are they, or cheap of price,
But folks will buy and eat
Will drink of ice-cold water, too;
Then die-as it is meet
THIS was about the time of year that
Eve used to examine the foliage of fig.
leaves, and pick out the prettiest for her
new summer dress. She never relied
upon the fashion magazines for her
styles, but just cut the dress bias or
gored, as her simple fancy dictated.
A WOMAN was lately charged with try
ing to poison her husband. The unfort-
innate man was in the witness-box.
Suddenly his wife exclaimed, "Your
Honor, all that has been said till now is
mere invention. You cannot sentence
me without proof. I demand an au-
topsy."
The late James Baird, who died in
Scotland, leaving on estate worth three
millions sterling, built himself mag
nifcent house, and in it was large L.
brary, The latter, however, contained
no books. A friend advised Mr.. Baird
to make the place complete. But the
wealthy Scot knew very little about
books, and he therefore placed himself
in the hands of bookseller, who made
a large selection for him. The question
Of binding was not, however, SO easily
settled. Would Mr.. Baird have them
bound in calf, in Russia, or in morocco?
=" No" was the patriotic reply, she
would just ha' 'em bound in Glasgow"