Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-02

Before a Turk gets married. ho

Before Turk gets married. ho asks
all good men to pray for him.
Since the sewing machine patents have
expired, every girl can have "feller."
Always speak we'll of the dead, and
once in a while good word for the liv-
ing, if you have the time.
There is just as much business in the
country as there ever was; but where is
the money to do it with ?
One of the acute sayings of humor-
ist: "There's a great deal of human
nature in horse-trading, but few assets"
A boy when rebuked for spelling
needle n-e-i-d-l-e, said that every good
needle should have an eye in it. "Sew
it should" responded the teacher.
Patient Ito doctor, who called in his
hunting costume): Il presume, doctor,
the reason you have brought your gun is
to be sure not to miss me"
A minister asked new deacon if he
had family prayers. Yes, sir; night
and morning, regular. if have to knock
every one of the young ones down on
their knees.
"The little darling he didn't strike
Mrs. Smiths baby on purpose. did he ?
1t was mere accident, wasn't it dear p
"Yes, ma; and if he don't behave him.
self, I'll do it again"
Man claims there are few things he
ooooot do battar than n wouan hi1t the
most experienced base ball player can
never hope to equal the dextrOus back
handed action with which woman
''picks up" her dress.
Consolation is always soothing to the
bereaved. Here is what a Western
journalist offers to his readers. sowing
to the death of our chief editor there
will be no editorial article on Tuesday,
but look out for regular ripper on
Wednesday.
Said one fellow to another, "If l was
as fat-footed as you are, would not be
afraid of slipping on the pavement. u
"Yes," was the response, "some people
are fat at one end. and some on the
other" And the first chap looked
thoughtful, and went on down the street
"Jessie, what was Joe's arm doing
round your waist when you were at the
front gate last night? ?" asked preco
cious Aberdeen boy of his sister, "Hi'
arm wasn't round my waist; won a
belt from him, and he was taking my
measure" replied the indignant young
lady.
Mamma" asked little philosopher
ais our old hen going to be sent away
for the summer o. 81 guess not, my son,
was the reply; "but why do you asl
such question ?" Because l heard p;
tell our new hired girl that they would
have such sweet time when he sent hi
old hen away for the summer"
Mrs. PartiDgtOn says that just befor
the late war circumstances were seel
round the moon nightly, shooting star
perambulated the earth, the desk of tn,
sun was covered with black spots of ink
and comics swept the horizon with thei
operatic tales. Everybody said that
prohigated war, and sure enough wa
did come.
MARY, l do not approve of your en-
tertainiDg your sweetheart in the kitch
en-" said a lady to her servant. "Well
ma'am, it's very kind of you to mentio
it; but he's from the country. you SEE
ma'am, and I'm afraid he's too shy an
orkard in his manners, ma am, for yo
to like him to come up into the parlor.
replied Mary.
"Massa," said black steward to hi
captain, as they fell in with homewarC
bound vessel. Il wish you'd write fe
lines for me to send the old womal
cause | can't write" Certainly" a
sented the gOOd-natured skipper. takin
his writing materials; ''what shall
say? Pompey told the story that
wished his wife to know, which h
amanuensis faithfully recorded. %
that all, POmp?" asked the captain, pr
pairing to seal the letter. "Yes, massa,
replied he, showing his ''ivories," stan
. you; but fore you close him jist sa
Please 'scuse bad spelling and writing
will YEP"