Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-09-27
Hun nor.

The Car begins to feel homesicx.
/ Cast your, bread u pon the waters and
it will come loating back ITheeler.
When All Sin was asked what he
thought of Schurz he answered, Was
/ hee, washee"
/ The woodchuck viii now please come
out of his hole and make a few remarks
about a hard wiuter.
EN-Treasuer Spinner has been study
ing snakes in Florida, with view of i'm
proving his handwriting.
Wheu that new electrical light is
brought into general use, it viii ami
hllate the custom of kissing umbrellas
in the center of the block Detroit Free
| Press
/ Sharks won't bite a swimmer who
keeps his legs in motion. If YOU can
keep kicking longer than a shark can
keep waiting you'll be all right
Policeman Now, then. move on
there's nothing the matter" Boy in the
crowd Yer needn't tell us that YOU
wouldn't be here if there was
1t won't be long now before men who
can't tell rutabaga from an old tin pail
will go ont to the country fairs and be-
| GIN their Orations with g FelloW-farmers.
Detroit Free Press.
During a thunderstorm two dogs thas
howled dismally at night were struck by
/ lightning. Howling dogs should cut this
out and paste it in their hats Norris
! torn Herald
She saw the placard in front of the
| bookstore. You can get That Hus-
band of Nine for half dollar" and as
she passed On she muttered. II have
one | will sell for half that much"
The funeral was all that could be ex-
| pected." says an aged lady who looks
upon these events with an artistic eve.
"The display OF flowers was grand, and
the widow wept like born angel"
| When bride and groom 90 to church
together, and the sun steals through
stained glass, making his nose bright
carmine and hers a sickly groen,
they fancy the congregation adj
mlret them because they are so lovely.
There is a law among the Piute Indians
which gives every married brave the
right to kill his wife whenevery she
talks back" to him. That's one reason
why Piute squaws will see an Indian
agent fall into an empty flour barrel and
not even smile.i
Now come the days when the sturdy
| farmer dumps load of dirt into some
mud-hole in the highway, yells, "Haw,
Buck" at his off OK, pricks the nigh one
with a bradawl, and goes home under
the impression that he has worked out
his road tax in full
A gentleman gave a party in honor of
distinguished missionary lately return
| ed from his field of work. The ladies
appeared with very decollete dresses,
and as the host feared the style might
shock his reverence, he apologized to
him for it, saying that fashion demanded
it. ''Oh, [ don. It mind it at all, y replied
the missionary: 81 have been ten years
among the savages."
No more practical illustration of the
old adage of " making a virtue of neces-
sity" has been recently afforded than in
the case of a hardened tramp, who, after
being kicked head over heels out of Il
Cincinnati beer saloon, picked himself
up and went off, cheerfully singing
Ga Best is the man who shuns the place
| Where sinners love to meet
Philadelphia Press "He was a grad
uate of Harvard, and he got a position
on one of the Philadelphia dailies last
week. Cut that stuff of yours down.
said the city editor, as the new man
came in with a column where q stick
only was required DO you desire a
judicious elimination of the superfuous
phraseology? mildly returned the Har
ward man. No! Boil it down. thunder
ed the city ed. The new man is gone
now-gone back to Boston. He says
there amt 'cultuah' enough in Phila-
delphia."
zone extreme leads to another" That
IS the reason a young man who begins
by treading on a lady's foot, often ends
by kissing her lips. And we may add,
the same rule applies on the other side,
when girl who has wasted hours of
time aud skeins of shenille embroider-
ing on a pair of slippers from Henry's
exquisite feet, soon begins to claw the
capillary vegetation out of the top of his
head for coming home at 2 a. m. and
trying to go to sleep in the coalscuttle.
I-Haokeye.