Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-04-30

Let the piano makers fight. Men not
able to own even a corn shelter don't
care how long the riot lasts.
A blubbering little fello" explained
his tears to a consPunIon: "Pa sent me
after o0dnsh for breakfast. an | went
fshin' und was gone all day, and now we
have been havin' some bulldozin'."
The pioneer humble bee of 1877 crept
out of his hole in the ground yesterday.
and after looking around for an hour or
two for boy to sting. found him. stung
him. and went back to clean house
Hasokeye.
A negro witness in a trial the other
day was asked what he was doing in a
certain saloon at q certain time. He
explained that he had gone there to
"change his breff." The explanation
was accepted.
That was very tender-hearted young
man who, on being told that his wife,
who had left the house an hour before,
was drowned, and that her body was
found only a mile or so below. said,
"She must have fosted down quite live
ly."
A clergyman was seen by neighbor
trudging home on Monday morning with
a stout cod he had just bought. and was
accosted with: "Mr. Milton. did you
know that fish was caught on Sunday %
The minister, in his characteristic. blunt
manner, replied "Weel, weel, tie fish
is not to blame for that, my man."
A country clergyman. just recovering
from the effects of a severe boil on his
nose, stopped an urchin near Forth Green
yesterday. and asked him the way to the
corner of Fulton and Clinton streets.
The lad glanced at him suspiciously a
moment and said: We'll. yer needn't
60 there Mister, there amt no gin mill
on that corner"
A writer in the UniverSdlia says
Holland wind-mills have arms of an
enormous length, and carry 5000 yards
Of canvas. American wind-mills have
arms Of only ordinary size, but when
they are sent to Congress they can stand
up and tire out the Holandest WIND. mill
that ever spread It's bellying sails to the
rising gale. Loud applause. 1-Detroi,
Free Press.
al had to stand up all the way home
in the street cars" said Chicago wife
to her husband. as she came into tht
house the other day. "You did ?'' sale
he; "well. that's shame" ''Oh,
didn't care; ! enjoyed it, declared she
as she pulled off glove; ''ever sine,
you gave me those handsome bracelets
| like to stand up and hang to a strap
the gold flagree work shows off so beau
tifully."
The cbronometer front gate is tn,
latest thing. They are constructed or
the principle of the chronometer clock
and can be wound up for any hour. i
the young man ventures to hang rounC
lisping spooney sweetness to his girl afte
that hour the gate "goes of, and by
very ingenious contrivance he is caugh
by the coat collar and thrown across tn,
street. Every prudent father shoulC
have a chronometer gate this summer.
Stephen Hall, queer but weak gen
ius bad made frequent gracious promise
to his troubled friends that he woul,
put himself out of their way. On
singing cold night he vowed he woul
60 out and freeze to death. About
o'clock he returned. shivering and SLAP
ping his hands. "Why don't you freeze :?
asked a loving relative. "Golly !" sal
the pseudo suicide, ..when | freeze
mean to take warmer night than tn
for it,
At one of the Detroit churches whei
revival is in progress the clergyma
asked those who wanted to be prayed Il
: to stand up. Quite number rose
their feet. and after services we're close
one lady was heard asking another
Z the door: "Why didn't you stand up !!
) 80, didn't want to-" was the repl
why, you were a very foolish woma
l wouldn't have missed the opportunii
Tor anything" Opportunity for what
why. for standing up there and shoV
ing Oft your sealskin sacque The
sS wasn't another in the whole church l''