River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-10-18
Dressing The Baby

Dressing The Baby
Philadelphia World.
When woman goes 10 work 10 dress
a e-year-old child she does il in a syste-
matte, business-like manner, and with
out any noise or fuss; and before you
know it the youngster is slid out of her
hands with his face washed and hair
combed, his clothes in ship-shape order,
and $40 chrome under his arm. This
all comes from knowing how. With
man it is different. He makes elaborate
preparations and puts on the air of one
who is getting an eighty-four gun ship
ready for two years cruise. lie collects
the Youngsters duds together in a heap,
gathering them up from pretty much ali
over the house, and after a great deal of
bawling for this, and sharp, swapping
inquiries for that, and an unlimited
amount of getting down on his knees and
looking around under the furniture for
the other (all of which comes from his
having undressed the child the night be-
fore), he at length sits resignedly down
in chair and, with feeble attempt at
good-nature, says:
Come, Freddie, come to papa. and
nave YOUR cOSeS on.
The child, who is Just then travelling
around in his night-dress, and playing
with damp towel and stove wrench,
makes bee line for the door, full of
desire to escape into the next room.
''Come, Freddie, come to papa, like a
good boy says the father, with brave
effort at patience.
The child keeps on his course.
''Fredm
This sounds so much like business that
the youngster stops, turns, and lacking
slowly up to the now stern-b rowed parent,
gradually gets within reach, when sud-
den grab of his arm brings him into
position where the damp towel flaps
around on the fathers clean shirt front,
and the stove wrench pumps solidly
down upon the very top of his boot.
'Jmmortal Julius!" he screams in
agony, nursing his foot with one hand
and shaking the poor innocent with the
other; whereupon the innocent sets up an
accompanying yell.
A voice from below, where the wife
md mother is busy with getting break
fast. joins In the chorus:
"Olmstead Molleson, what on earth
20, you be darned!n goes back the
quick reply, in short, ugly desperate
growl that silences all further inquiry.
Then the father, after rubbing his
foot and groaning awhile, squares the
child round AID begins the process of
dressing him, which is mostly made up
of dreadful struggles between clumsy
fingers and smooth porcelain buttons,
general misplacing of garments hind-side
before and upside down, searches after
the missing articles, and talk like the
following:
Turn aroundr
"Stand stillt'
Hold your arm up!'
Thunder and lightning! Can't you
let things belr
"Stop reachingl''
Hold your head up
up, say"
Cant you keep still!"
Where's that other skirt
"Shut up"
LET go!'
"Blast that bottom
Now, where in blazes is that pin!'
'Stand upm
"Therel by thunderln
"Why don't you fall down and be
done with it."
''Stop your howling!"
"Stop!'
couch! Devil take that pin.'
LET that be-
'Behaven
Great scott
''Say, why don't you have four or FIVE |
thousand more buttons on your clothesl"
"Now, where's that stockingi"
Keep your foot stillin
'Say, p-your-foot-still."
by Jove in jerusalem
Gimme the other footr
mo, the otherln
Cant you see.'
''Sanctified Solomon. what do you |
want to spread your toes all out for2
How do you suppose I'm going to put |
your stockings on with your foot in that
shape?"
"Stop it,n
''Stop 1t. say
Pow WOW. e-e-u, Who stuck that
pin in that way!'
You, of course says cold, thin,
cutting voice: and he glanced up and
sees his wife looking down on him in a
taunting, exasperating sort of way.
aid be ashamed of myself, " she continued
''to go on in that way and get out OF
patience with a little bit of baby.
You've been making noise enough to
wake the dead, and his clothes look as if
they'd been thrown on with a pitchfork.
Gimme him.
And he gets up sheepishly and sullenly,
and after slamming and stamping around
the house after the liniment bottle, and
banging doors and making as big noise
as he can, he works himself ND into such
a state of meanness and modification
that to spite himself he goes off down
town without his breakfast.