The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-03-09
THE RE1URE ING BOARD
he Last act in the Drama
Saturday Afternoon Programme.

If the weather Is pleasant, or if il
isn't, that wheeling will go off oo Sat
urday between the hours OF and 3
O'Clock, p NJ. We IL sy expect d nu
merous attendance and pleasant per
formance The entire programme has
not been submitted TO Us. but the lead
ing traits of it are said to be as follows:
Precisely at half-past one o'clock. the
Star Spangled Banner will be flung to
the breeze, and the actors in the grand
drama will proceed to robe themselves
for tbe performance. Charlie will per-
form in a suit of No. z shoes. specially
provided for the occasion. while John
ny will attire himself in No. S's. This
costume may be regarded as light and
airy. but TO save embarrassment they
will WRAP themselves IN the American
flag, and proceed with the perform
ance. AT fifteen minutes TO o'clock
the Findlay band, armed and equipped
as the law directs, will shoulder their
instruments, march to the point of
departure. and surround tie wheel
barrow. Johnny is expected to make
bis appearance at | :55 and take his
seat in the vehicle amid tremendous
applause aud the stirring strains of
Hail to the Chief" as played by the
band. Precisely at 2 o'clock. Charlie
will put in an appearance supported
0y Deacon Fred, with an ominous
looking black bottle. or little brown
iug-not vet fully determined. TAX
ing his place between the shafts, Char
lie is expected to "grin and bear IT,"
and with an exclamation of ''jang the
jang Commission to Japgtown," grasp
the handles, straighteu his back, and
rise up. William Allen" like, and
march. Just at this point the band is
expected to strike in with 'TiIe Girl |
lett Behind Me," and the wheelbarrow
which are supposed to be located over
Sam HOupt's Clothing Store. At least,
about the time they arrive there, it is
expected they will ''call off for refresh
ments," and Charlie will be permitted
to ''smell of the mug carried by the
Deacon. Being refreshed thereby, he
is expected to repeat his observation
about the Commission, with slight var
iations. The cavalcsde willthen move
on until the next line of entrench
ments are reached, in the vicinity of
the Opera House block, where a solar
observation will be taken through the
''blue glass" bottle improvised for the
occasion, the band playing with feeling
that delicate selection entitled, MARY
had Little Lamb" The observation
having been taken and the influence
of ''blue glass" as curative demon
strated, the performer is expected TO
'feel better" and emit any reference
to the Commission, but will bend TO
his task gracefully, and take up his
burden manfully, while the band will
encourage him with Hold the Fort"
Arrived at the Northern limit of the
march. the procession will make a de-
tour to the T. ist side of the street and
as the performer takes the "back
track" the band will strike up John
ny Comes Marching Home"-in a
wheelbarrow. Near the corner of
Main Cross there is line of entrencII-
ment which the performer is not ex-
pects d to pass without objections,
w.,ich. of course, will be referred TO
the Commission carrying the ''hlur
glass, who will sustain his objections,
give him a nip" and the danger vii!
be overcome This last difficulty being
overcome, the procession will take up
its lie of march and pursue it TO the
end without waveripg. the band play
ing hoisterously Garry Me Back to
Old Virginia" Arrived opposite the
point of departure. the cavalcade will
rest, while the principal performer,
covered all over with glory and per
spiration will un. osom himself thusly
FRIENDS AND FELLOW CITIZENS,
Periui: nir tie opportunity of remark
! ing 10 sou, that under existing circum
stances you may be able to point
moral and adorn a tale" and that that
moral is meyer bet on losing horse"
In a moment of sublime confidence
that the great and good Democracy
had scattered to the four winds the
hosts of he Philistines, 81 bet my
| money oil a bob tailed nag, "and found
my confidence misplaced. Yes. fellow
citizens, its deuced folly 10 bet ona z
spot unless the SIS have all been remov-
ed from the pack. You don't know
what may turn up. The Commission
was an alurement-a kind of Jack O.
Lantern and we followed it-untii We
got "stuck in the mud" and then we
kicked But of what use Was the
kicking, "Bluff" is all very good until
you are ''called," and have to ''show
up" and then if your antagonist holds
five Jacks there's no pack in the
world .ill beat that, unless its the one
thar fellow holds aud its sare 10 have
five aces. So with Returning Boards
and Commissions against us find my
selfJhitched to r turning b ard that :
got a Jack in it, and can't over trump
IL That,s uhat,s the mailer and 30