The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-09-06
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

|
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.
- The beat present for baseball club
--au ice.pitcher
Why are troubles like babies? Be-
cause they get bigger by auraing.
= Wringing the ,h=;ads is sign ofsoF-
row. but ringing the fingers is a sign of
Joy. ..,~,,,,.
= life is short" moralizeo the Til
bune. We can sympathize with Life
We are short too. 't'i
a German literary man says shat In
Ames!eho thieves arc go scarce that re-
wards ase offered for them.
- AN Atlanta woman says if death
loves aiming mark, it'e wonder it
never aimed at her husbend's nose.
- Spare moments are the gold-dust Of
time. OF al the portions Of our life,
spare moments arc the most fruitful in
good or evil. - 'ir
John, what is the chief branch of
education in your srhnnl74 "Willow
branch. sir; master's used up nearly a
Nobody knows to this day what
time old Noah had of it in the ark With
| the antedeluvian ancestors of the present
'ntLcky mule.
A congregation in Maine has con.
cluded that minister may skate if he
! wants to, but he must keep his mouth
shut when his heels fly up.
- Boy'e competition Ancient Greece
was proud Of her athletes. The champion
was Tbermopyl@. Every man who made
q. pass at old Thermopylm got his eye
| blacked.
An exchange says: IAN Albany
man who used to live on ton cents day
died wealthy" He may have died
wealthy, but we will bet money he did not
die fat.
How many deaths T" asked the
hospital ply while going his
i rounds. Nine" "Why, ordered med
icine for ten." "Yes, but one wouldn't
take it,"
= Charade-My first (syllable) is
company; my second shuns company :;
my shird calls company, and my whole
entertains company. Give it up? Why,
co-nun.drum, Of course
II always think" said reverend
guest, "that certain quantity of wine
does man no harm after good dinner"
"Oh, no, sir" replied his host, ''it is the
uncertain quantity that does the mis-
chief"
= Jennie Cooking in milliner's win
dow)-"Don't you think they are yerv
pretty 2" Lizzie Whose thoughts are on
the other side Of the etreet)-"Very:
especially the one with the long, black
side-wh;skers."
:. Landlady (to boarder who has pass
Cd his cup six times )--"You are very
fond Of coffee, Mr.. Smith," Mr.. Smith
-"Yes, ma'am, it looks as if was,
when ! am willing to swallow 80 much
water for the sake Of getting little"
she said it was very bright idea.
He said he knew brighter ono, and
whom she asked him what it was he an
swered, "Your eye. dearp There was
silence for moment; then she laid her
head upon the rim of his ear and wept.
81 didn't at all expect company to-
day, but l nope you will make yourselves
at home," said lady to q visitor, with
not very pleaaant look. eyes. indeed !"
Ireplid one of them, starting off, "I will
make myself ct home Oh quickly as pos.
= Now, my boy" aaid the examiner.
"if1 had mince pie, and should give
two-twelfths of it to John, two-twelfths
to Isaac, two-twelfths to Henry, and
should take half the pie myself, what
Wouid pe feft7 Speat out loud, so that
all can heaY?' HThe plate I" shouted
the boy. :
- A story is told of shrewish Scotch
woman who tried to wean her husband
from the pnblic-house by employing her
brother to oct the part of ghost, and
frighten John on his wsy home. "Who
afe you 7" said the gni1tnan, az the apps,
ritloh rose before him ssom behind q
q bush. ~ am Auld Nick !" was the
reply. "Come ava, mon," said John,
nothing daunted; ''gia's shake O. your
hand-i am married tas q sister O.
yours."
( "A little girl who sat on the front
stspa of q house on Montealm street was
naked BY q strange girl why she didn't
one. "Your FOLKS amt as rich as as them hem
folks oy9r there sneered the big one.
eyes we are, and good deal richer.
They was beating their carpets yesterday,
and we was beating ours, and we had
twice as much dust Us they die l.. That
settled the dig uiio, aiid sho moved on.
"A minister was once riding through
o section of the State of South Carolina,
where custom forbade inn-keepers to
take pay from the clergy who stayed
with them. The minister in question
took supper without prayer, and ate his
breakfast without prayer or grace, and
was about to take his leave when "mine
host presented his bill. cay, sir" said
he, ~ am a cletgymanp. 'That may
be-" responded Bohifacs; "but you came
here; slept like simmer and ate and
drank like o einner, and now you shall
pay, like Q sinner."
~ In the days of Sir Matthew Hale,
men who could read might, by law, be.
come priests. On one occasion o man
who could not read desired to be or
dained, and he took mis- piuce before his
examiner, with copy of the Lords
prayer in his hand, and friend who
could read as hiD back Prbmpser com.
menccd Whispering &C him-Our Father
Sho art ia Heaven--t'Our Father who
arr in Heaven" he repeated, in o loud.
confdent voiee; the prolnpter continued
-HalloWed be thy pame-"Hallowed be
thy name.n-- His thumb. .vas nov. over
the next sentence, and :he, prompter
gently requested him toSthke it away,
when Take away your shumbp' rang
through the room, and this was clearly
illustrative Of the ieatning of that time.
BEWARE OF DAMP CLOTHING. Few
- - n n.N7 q