Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-08-24
F. U N :!

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FAMILIAR PRovERBs-HANs KROUT-
MANN's VERsIoN.-Von stitch quick al
ready by der CLOCK will make dat you don't
shall more os nine all der dime sew.
Id makes noding already ov you schnifel
aboud dot ven der milk bail ish oud
shpilled.
Id ish sdreet dot ish poorly long ven he
don'd will hav by some dimes dose corners
crooked NIT himself.
Dot ish a sick Wind ov i'd don'd by some
oder vellars dings blow poorly good.
Ova mons will took gare of dem copper
nickels he will mex dot TEN doc dollar pills
not will gone away by dot same.
Ven der old cat is gone outsides nit her
self Won der house, dem leedle rats vii all
along nit demselfs play yust de same like
dot.
Ov Welfare ish got bird nit his handt
already, he don't vos schmardt ov he let
EN- got away nit der same price os two ov
dem birds by grapevine dree.
A Scotch blacksmith being asked the
meaning Of metaphysics, explained it as
follows: ''When the party that listens
dinna ken what the party who. speaks
means, and the party who speaks dinna
ken what be means-that is metaphysics"
We once knew man who said to his
pastor: II am going to the other church
after this'' 'sAh, and why o?"asked the
minister. "Well, if you don't get your
shoes made at my shop 1 won't get my
preaching done at yours" So he went off.
GLOW many of you are there?" asked a
voice from an upper window of a serena
ding party. ''Four,' was the reply. ''Di-
vide that among you,'' said voice, as a
bucket of Stops fell, like the gentle dew
of heaven" on those beneath,
''You politicians are queer people. said
an old business man to an impecunious
partisan. elbow so?'' asked the politician.
"Why, because you trouble yourself more
about the payment of the debt OF the State
than you do about your own"
The Burlington ''Hawkeye" man, lately
promoted to a fathership, notices that
s'the low er lip of a baby START in first and
gets half through with it's part Of the cry
before the upper lip can get up its mo-
tion.''
[ can't say as he went to heaven, re-
marked Fort Scott editor of deceased
townsman, but he paid bill Of eleven
years. standing only the day before he died,
and you can judge for yourself.
The papers relate an anecdote Of beau
tiful young lady, who had become blind.
having recovered her sight after marriage.
1t is no uncommon thing for peoples eyes
to be opened by matrimony.
Two tailors in Louisville had fight :,
and the one stabbed the other with par
of shears. When he has killed eight more
tailors they are gong to try him for man
slaughter.
A somewhat simple woman was aske.;
whether her husband feared God; and re
piled, 81 guess he does, for he never got,
out On Sunday without taking his gun
with him.
A minister who had twice married the
same couple-a divorce occurring between
the two marriages-remarked that he didn It
wish to add a repairing department to his
business.
1t is proposed in Indiana to change the
marriage service so as it will read: "Who
dare take this woman?" And the bride
groom shall answer: II dare
To keep eggs from spelling: eat them
while they are fresh. We have tried many
methods. but this we think is the only one
to be relied on Sin any climate
A young man ON the hill came near
creating a riot last Tuesday by asking a
red-headed woman if she carried a ther
mometer in her bonnet.
A woman suggests that when man
breaks his heart, it is the same as when a
lobster breaks one of his claws another
grows Immediately.
His wife is very sorry that he was SUM-
struck. especially as it made his breath
smell like those miserable fellows who
drink whiskey.
We were asked the other day would the
'sdevil'' beat his wife. If he had one?
Guess not-for the women generally beat
the "deviI.'
A hotel is advertised as ''Kept by the
widow Of Mr.. Brown, who died last sum-
mer on new and improved plan.''
I sot me down in thought profc und-
this maxim wise drew; It's easier to luv
gal than maik gal luY you!
'You seem to walk more erect than
usual, my friend.'' eyes, l have been
Strengthened by circumstances
Don't loaf about the treets and depend
upo,, the Lord for your daily bread. He
isn't ri. ming a bakery
GA wise sen maketh glad father and
a prompt paying subscriber causeth an
editor to laugh.
A boy read that s.the gcod die young
and is now going to be BAG Tor self-rro-
lection
Why is your shadow like falss fre,lds!
Because it stands by you only in sus- shlne'
A county jail out West has sign o>.er
the gate, "God bless our home"
Celery is good for the nerves-but these
+;,,oc coIorv &c bottor