The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-10-11
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PASSING SMILES.


In the line of early rising the COM
mon rooster is away ahead of the lark
FASHION is very well while one is
young and in health; but of what use is
it in old age and sickness?
ROCHESTER Democrat: What the
milkman said when they found fish in
the lacteal fluid: "Good heayensi the
brindle COW has been in swimming
again.
THERE is nothing more narrowing to
the sympathetic mind than to see steer
trying to frighten "horse fly" off the
top of his back with a two-inch ro-
nance.
WHY should the spirit of mortal
proud has stood pretty well the wear
and tear of a conundrum's experience,
but tougher one is why should barber
eat onions?
ONE day last week, down in Missouri,
a man was struck by lightning while
playing croquet. Heavens vengeance,
though long delayed sometimes, is aw-
fully certain.
AN agricultural correspondent writes
to correct what he thought to he an er-
roneous statement that recently ap-
peared in this column relative to COWS
giving buttermilk Wenever saw a cow
give anything elso but her milk.
BURLINGTON Hdwk-Eye: Yesterday
afternoon a tramp who was locked up
for stealing a soup bone and three pairs
of trowsers on South Hill, confessed to
the officer who arrested him that he
was Osman Pasha.
THE COURSE OF LIFE.
The Past, what is it but CLEAN
Which Memory family throws;
The Future, tits the fairy dream
That Hope and Fear compose.
The present is the lightning glance
That comes and disappears
Thus Life is but moments trance,
OF memories, Hopes, and TearsI
The last mosquito of the season is
buzzing alone, all his annoying compan-
ions have been smashed or are flown
Do not leave the lone one to pine away
in melancholy solitude, but squelch him
with a damp towel in the cool of the
morning.
A YOUNG damsel sent twenty-five
cents and a postage-stamp in reply to an
advertisement that appeared in an
Eastern paper of /" how to make an
impression" and got for her answer,
" Sit down in pan of dough-"
A wELL-KNowN English beauty, who
went to be photographed at seacide re-
sort, after taking her seat in the chair of
torture, was thus addressed by the in
sinuating operator: "Now, miss, you
look at me as if was your young man,
and you'd met me unexpected"
"WHEN die let me be buried within
the sound of the hammer, the clang of
the workshop, the hum of the MILL"
says the candidate in his speech. And
then he goes home and seats himself in
his rocking-chair while his wife carries
the coal out of the cellar to get supper
with.
A MAN not thousand miles from
Lancaster recently wrote the officials. of
the Boston, Concord and Montreal Rail-
road " for a chance to run on the road"
He was told he could "run on the
road as much as he liked, if he would
only keep out of the way of the trains.
OLD DIR. Hunter used to say, when he
could not discover the cause of a mans
sickness, "We'll try this and we'll try
that. Well shoot into the tree. and if
any thing fall, well and good" "Aye,"
replied a wag, 81 fear this is too COM
monty the case, and, in your shooting
into the tree, the first thing that gener-
ally falls is the patient"
AT one of the theaters the sea was
made of loose painted canvas, and two
sets of boys-one short and the other
tall-were employed to stoop and rise
alternately beneath the canvas, and
thus to give the idea of waves. One
night the ocean was in a singular COM
motion, and all the waves seemed to be
in the middle of the stage; fearful
noises were also heard The affrighted
lessee rushed behind the scenes to seek
an explanation, and was told by his
stage manager, " It's all right, now sir;
the eighteen penny waves were giving
the shilling waves licking"
NEW YORK Graphic: Julia Ward
Howe says that women are too often
misunderstood, because, unlike men,
they bear their greatest trials in silence.
Go up head, Julia. If man has boot
that pinches his foot he'll keep the re-
cording angel as busy as boy in the
preserve closet, while woman suffering
from the same cause will never say a
word about it, and if she is caught un-
warily limping, two to one she'll turn
around with a sweet smile of innocence
! irradiating her countenance, and ask if
an insole wouldn't prevent her shoe
Topping at the heel and wearing out her
stocking.