Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1877-01-24
Humorous Waits.

WHAT is a friend A person whose good
qualities we tolerate on condition that he
overlooks our defects.
YOUNG man who has tried it suggests
that before you pop the question it's just as
well to question the pop.
A GENTLEMAN was always alluding to his
sons well-stored mind; but his friends
never could find out where he stored it.
THE Detroit Free Press says: An Upper
Peninsular subscriber wants the rules gov
erning handkerchief airtations. Rule first
Get two handkerchefs and two FOOLS Want
the other five
THE builder of a church now in course of
construction, when the toast of his health
was given, rather enigmatically replied that
he was more fitted for the scaffold than for
public speaking.
TEACHER Ito little boy)-" Well, my boy,
do you know your tables ?" Pupil" Yes,
ma'am; breakfast table, dinner table, and
supper table" The boy goes to the head OF
the holiday class
IT is said that well known novelist lately
entered IA printing Office and accused com
positor of not punctuating properly, when
the typo earnestly replied" I'm not a
pointer, lm setter"
An, Ponto, old fellow how's the lun-
bago, and how's all at home ?" Better,
thanks. I'm bachelor just at present,
wifes visiting the mother" "Ah, then
you're fish out of water" Precisely; hot
water !"
SLAvEY: "Missis ses the milk's more
than arf water an she'll ave to deal sum
weres else if tain't better" AIlkman "Well,
my dear, you must tell your misss that Pm
very sorry but them COWS of mine will eat
damp grass, and | can't perwent em this
weather ~
A GENTLEMAN in Virginia City, Nevada,
whose Chinese cook left him, was unable TO
retain any of numerous Johns for over
day until he induced one of them to explain
that some apparently meaningless strips of
red paper on the kitchen wall contained the
Chinese inscription: II Boss woman, long
time tongue. Muchee jaw, jaw"
A RECENT Amherst graduate, now a set
tied pastor, was telling retired missionary
that he entered college aud the theological
seminary with the intention of becoming a
missionary, when the old veteran broke out
WITH All, you turned back after putting
your hand to the plough" "No," was the
answer, / just took another plough"
DURING debate in the Victoria legisa-
ture an unfortunate loyal Liberal whose ed
ucation had been sadly neglected, was read
ing out document to the House, and vainly
endeayoring TO decipher an obscure letter !;
turning TO his best friend, he asked anxiously,
Is that a hem or a hen ?" "O," replied his
friend, "call it hen, and move that it lay
on the table"
THE assurance of the lightning rod man
was never better illustrated than the other
day, when he applied to the president of a
railway company and wanted to put light
ming rods on all of his cars, Lightning
rods on our cars 2" asked the latter. "Why,
certainly" "What in the world do we
want them for ?" Because they make
good conductors" replied the man as he
closed the door hastily behind him.
An old-fashioned clergyman named Moore
was riding on horseback one stormy day, en-
veloped in loose cloak OF large proportions
and having broad scarlet collar. BY the
action OF the wind the cloak was tossing
about in all directions, when gentleman
rode up on a spirited horse, which SHE'D and
almost threw the rider. THAT cloak of
yours would frighten the DEVIL" said the
gentleman. You don't say sol" replied Mr..
Moore; "why that's just my trade
A nov came down Linwood avenue on
the rush few nights siuce, and, in an ex-
cited manner, said that there We're a lot OF
lights in the Jewish burial grounds. Half
a dozen scientific men, four loafers and a
dog started off to see them. The graveyard
was as dark as such places usually are.
"Where are the lights 2" asked big man
of the boy. The youngster backed off TO a
safe distance, and yelled out Under
ground they are Israelites " He then ran
! for his life.