South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-03-30

day IL be know where the wicked finally |
went TO. He answered. They practice !
law spell here, and then 90 20 the Leg
islature !" 1t was painful operation
for the boy to sit down for few days.
rA man innoccntly spoiled scr.
mon. and prayer by exclaiminc, while
the tears rolled down his checks, .Lord.
Thou knowcst ] have been nm awful
sinncr-the chief among ten thousand
and one altogether lovely"
WWhcn Lord B. died, a person
met an old man who was one ofhis most
intimate friends. He was pale, confus.
ed, awe.stricken. Every one had been
trying to console him, but in vain. "His
loss," he exclaimed, docs not affect so
much as his horrible ingratitude. woull
you believe it? He died without leaving
me anything in his will, who have
dined with him, at his own house, three
times week for thirty years ~
vAn old chap being reproachcd by
his prospective mo:her.in.law that lie
was much too old for her daughter, re.
piled: Madam, my badness is no in.
dication OF my age-;t runs in tue fam.
lily. IL fact, madam" said he, in sud-
den gush of confidence, II was born
bald-headed ]" sac
EH Times are SO hard that an Irish
man said he had parted with all his Gle.
giant wardrobe except the armholes of
IN old coat.
An Elgin. Illinois, newspaper has
this advertisement "Found-A buck.
skin mittcn. II the owner will leave
the other at this Office he will greatly
oblige the finder
t-V Theodore Hook, at dinner party
one day, was charged with stealing from
farce written by one Of his friends the
expression, You are down upon me as
the candle said to the extinguisher."--
lie Immediately proceeded to show how
little he was under the necessity Of
stealing by supplying the same species
OF witticsm to everything that was said
to him for the next half hour, e. q. -
You are very pressing, Dean, as the
filberts said to the nutcrackers. PRAY
pass the wine,' he continued, though
I'm sorry to trouble you. as the pin said
to the periwinkle." "Bravo, Hookems,"
shouted the Dean, "you must give up
your plan Of going abroad; we can't af.
ford to lose YOU" "Oh. it will be all
the same one hundred years hence. ms
the American aloe said when it came
into bloom" But your song, Hook
only few verses" lyon really reduce
me to extremities. rs the rat said 10 the
trap which cut his tail of. Eve bad
cold, but will try my best, and hope to
come off with flying colors, as the En-.
glish general said when he ordered his
nlgGers to retreat. III attempt q stave,
don't make butt of me-
~ A good story, showing that Gin
union is strength is told of DIR. Rad. |
cllffc. Once, when attending an init.
mate friend during dangerous illness.
he declared (actuated by generous
feeling that he would receive no fec. |
But when the cure was complete, and !
the physician was taking his leave, Il
have put every days fee,' said the pa. |
tient, Sin this purse, my dear doctor
nor must your goodness get the better
of my gratitude" The doctor eyed the |
purse, counted the days of his attend. |
ance in moment. and then, extending
his hand by a kind of professional me.
chanical motion. replied, well. can
hold out no longer; single, could have
refused the guineas; but all together,
they are irresistible"
sVA gentleman travelling in Ohio.
some years ago, turned in at country
tavern for dinner. The bar.room was
garnished with dirty wash-basin, q
piece of soap the size of lozenge. and
n square yard of crash, dimly visible
through epidermic deposits. Having
slightly washed, the traveller eyed the
rag doubtfully, and then asked the pro.
prietor: Haven't you sir. about the
premises, this years towcl?"
HS Landlady TO boarder who has
passed his cup six times)-"You are
very fond Of coffee, Mr.. Smith" Mr..
f>mlth-"f es, a'am, it looks as If
was, when am willing to swallow so
much water for the sake OF little"
GTAftcr a christening at church,
while the minister was making out
certificate. he happened TO say LET me
see. this is the 30th." "Thirticth -
exclaimed the indignant mother: ain.
deed it is only the eleventh - The
minister was alluding to the day Of tho
month-the lady TO the family statistics.
G-1'"Pray, Dir. Professor, what is
periphrasis?"
Madam, IL is simply crcumlocutory
cycle or oratorical sonorosity circum.
scribing am atom of idcality lost in YER
bal proiundity."
Thank You, sir!'
70, Molicre was asked the reason