The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1877-11-29
Wit and HumOr.

u
self, and the other enjoys other people.
The principal point of difference be-
tween the Endorsement on a note and the
dome on the Capitol at Washington is
that one is under wrote and the other is
rotunda.
The Khedive of Egypt having pre-
sented New York with the remaining
Cleopatra's Needle, the City Councils
have referred it to the Committee on Sew
ers for action.
AFTER the acquittal of man in Gin
cinnati, recently, one of the jurymen rose
and suggested that "the acquitted be now
recommended to the merciful considera
ton of the court"
IT is reported that Lydia Thompson
next spring. If next spring should bring
any clothes to her performers, it will be
a grand improvement.
AN unruly horse attached to coal cart
backed across Washington sidewalk the
other day, and crushed seven candidates
for Doorkeeper of the House against the
sunny side of Willard's Hotel.
THE conundrum that now agitates
London is:
GLOW can an unmarried man sew his
shirt to collar button without losing
the needle under his thumb-nail?"
UNPROFITABLE.-"Sam, why don't you
talk to your master, and tell him to lay
up treasures in Heavenf
"What's de use of him layin' up treas
ures up darl He never see um again."
JOKES, says an exchange, concerning
the trade sale of rubbers and whist-play-
ers. are now in order. Yes we should
have tried one on this subject some time
ago if we only could have gutta percha-
sc on it.
ST. LOUIS has female woodsawer who
can haul in her dollar and half every
day. If Susan B. could only see her
wading through a knotty log, how the
old girl would throw up her sunbonnet
and yell.
SWEET HoME.--"Home's the place for
bows" said stern parent to his son, who
was fond of going out at night.
"That's Just what think when you
drive me off to school every morning" said
the son.
A DELINQUENT, arrested for drunken
ness, was asked at the police court what
he had done with his money.
"Invested it in lots" was the reply.
"What lots2" was the next question.
"Lots of whisky" he replied, with a
serious face.
A LADY that would please herself in
marrying was warned that her intended,
although good sort of man, was sim
gular.
"Well," replied the lady, "if he is very
much unlike other men he is much more
likely to be a good husband"
"CoMPARIsONs ARE ODIOUs." - The
Major (rocking Nelly on his knee, for
Aunt Mary's sake)-"I suppose this is
what you like, Nellyr
Nelly--"Yes, it's very nice. But
rode on a real donkey yesterday mean
one with four legs, you know"
A BIT OF TEXAN HUMoR.-"A young
man at Kember's Bluff, in this State
says a Texas paper, acquired the habit
of tossing cooked and loaded pistol in
the air, and catching it by the muzzle as
it fell. The last time he caught it was
lust moment before he died"
RATHER SHARP.-A lady became so
much dissatisfied with her lover that she
dismissed him. In revenge, he threat
ened to publish her letters to him.
"Very WE'LL" replied the lady; IL have
no reason TO be ashamed of any part Of
my letters except the address"
A GENTLEMAN, whose house was re-
pairing, went one day to see how the
house was getting on, and observing a
number of nails lying about, said to the
carpenter employed on the work:
"Why don't you take care of these
nailsl they'll certainly be lost"
"No," replied the carpenter, you'll
find them in the bill"
A LAWYER, in cross-examining a wit
ness, asked him, among other questions,
where he was on a particular day, to
which he replied
"In company with two friends"
"Friendsv exclaimed the lawyer.
1.-TWO thieves, suppose you mean."
"They may be So" replied the witness,
"for they are both lawyers"
A KEEN .OBsERvER.-Little Girl
"Why don't you marry some one, Aunt
Alice"
Aunt Alice-"Oh, can't ask them,
you know"
Little Girl--"Well, do as Helen does
with Tom: shake hands with some one.
say you're glad to see them, and never
leave them then MeNU marry you."