The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-06-09
MY WIFE'S LOSSES.

,
nose; but she has one more peculiar trait
which remains to be painted. Bless her
little soul! she may not be beautiful as
Venus or wise as Minerva, but she is the
most amusing wife man ever had.
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
The other day a young and lovely
bride called on US. Her face was calm,
her eyes bright, her color glowing, her
hair rich and lustrous; the words of
truth and soberness fell from her lips.
You could not fail to admire her. She
would be a model housekeeper, good
mother" mild yet firm" as the old owl
said to his son Billy-and decorOus, prop
er, excellent, to the end of her days.
Shall confess that the call bored me ex-
ceedingly? | suppose my total depravi-
ty came to the surface just then. AS for
Nan, she turned toward me with a sigh,
half stihed, and a pretty, wistful, lnquir-
ing look.
Isn't she nice, Jack? l declare, do
think she's lovely. You can depend on
her every time. She'll be just in the
right place from now till never. o dearw
L, ,
but there is such lack of unexpected
ness about her that should hate her in a
week"
ooh, you dear old thing! that's why
you love me, isn't it?"
And she threw herself into my arms in
the most gushing manner, and-bit the
tip of my ear! She really did; not en-
tirely in a savage fashion, but as kitten
bites.
"That was unexpected, certainly"
said l, with a grimace, rubbing the in
jured member. But Nan did not sympa-
thize. She withdrew herself calmly, and
began to hunt about the room in a most
vivacious manner.
What are you looking for nOeO, NAM"
She resented the emphasis with look
of rage at me, for this was sore point
But as the search went on, and she grew
desperate, she turned to me and re-
marked, not too sweetly:
If you must know, l can't find my
other ivory needle"
could not help i'll had to laugh
The needle was stuck through the dark
knot of her hair like Roman girls dag
ger.
"Oh," said she, when l told her-an
" oh" that ought to be written stdccdtO,
if had only bit of score to do it. For
my wife's losses are the family delight
Never was such an inconsequent woman
made. She knows where all my things
are, and reproaches me with the cruelest
scorn if venture to ask where my stock
ings live, or what has become of my
white vest. And the drawers that belong
to little Gracilis, her niece, are miracles
of order, and the luckless child is visited
with awful TRADES from her aunty il an
open apron is mislaid, or a shoe wander
ing from its own place. This is all very
nice for Gracilis and me; but when it
comes to her own things, if they were
created out of original atoms every time
she wanted them, they could not be more
astray or longer in coming together.
Well do | remember, when we moved
from the hotel to our lutte house, the
anguish Of mind which pervaded Mans
atmosphere. But after three days we
looked about US, and found "most things
were somewhere" as she lucidly stated
it. Still there were three bottles of
claret to be accounted for-the last of a
dozel which kindly friend had sent US
to mitigate the austerities of a hotel
table. 1t was very good claret; the taste
was clean and tolerably mild, and the
bouquet fine. This it was which recon-
mended it to my wife. She would hang
over her glass like bee over blossom,
with dilate nostrils and dreamy eyes
80 Jack, it is like English violetsw-
the dinner such as it was, growing cold
on her plate. till was obliged to suggest
that her food was waiting to be eaten,
and perfume would not supply the place
of beef and bread But those three
bottles of claret were gone. Nan knew
perfectly well that she had taken them
in basket when | carried her and few
other precious things over to the house
in my buggy.
You see, / didn't want to put any
temptation in Polonius' way, Jack, so
took them myself. knO0 | did"
Let me put in a parenthesis here, anC
rise to explain that Polonius is not the
immortal adjunct in Hamlet, but only
my queer wife's way of saying Mallory
which is our washer-woman's name.
But if you put them there, Nan, We
must have taken them out"
go Jack, what geese men are! Dom
you know you left the buggy and wen
upstairs to fetch that lovely vase yor
broke on the steps after all; and how dc