Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1877-07-14
ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.

DaScWaTu, ,tHe starring UMPIRE tahoS
his way.
The prospect of an Islamite war
,Islamentable.
The weather has nothing to do
with the heat on race course.
'sThe Inebriate's Home" says an
exchange. Glad to hear it. Hope
he'll stay there.
George Francis Ttrain now calls
himself "The Stormy Petrol OF the
Skeptical Ocean,
Yes, young mab, marry while poor,
and see the victuals disappear at the
rate of two-for-tea.
A Kentucky paper makes an earn
est appeal for spring chickens in pay
men, for subscriptions.
Why is the Fourth of July like an
oyster stew2 Because 1t is not worth
much without crackers.
During the last rows of summer,
the crew-shcll test will be again ap-
piled to Yale aud Harvard.
The Sultan eats bis state dinners
from golden dishes, and what is more,
he drinks water from Golden Horn.
Why is a young girl of seventeen
brief summers like the Sultan's
.Asiatic possessionsa Because she's
she minor.
American beef is also being ship
ped to France, and Paris rronounces
it bully. But that Is not the way to
pronounce beef.
A down town man who went to
church last Sunday remarked that he
preferred the organ to the preacher.
He said there seemed to- be stop to
organ.
Ladies Maid, enumerating her quail
titles for the place 81 may likewise
hadd, man, that | Railways manages
TO marry nv young ladies most salts
factory.'-[ Punch
An indiscriminate slaughter of
dogs is threatened. All right, but
remember that every dog killed
leaves several hundred fleas to be
cared, fQt and amused.
A merchant asked his Sabbath
school class the other Sunday, "What
is solitudel" and was answered by a
boy who reads the papers, "rhc store
that don't ADVERTISE
Young Wife-'I am so glad you
like birds. Which kind do you like
the bestl' Old Husband-"Well, |
think goose with plenty Of stuffing
is about as nice as any"
Said faded belle to a fresh young
rival: "You are having great trial
tonight. | wonder what your enc
mics will say now" 81 was just go
ing to ask you," was the keen retort.
Girls have their sorrows and their
troubles, but nothing is more humii-
ating to the average young lady than
to be beaten at a game of croquet by
girl who still wears her last years
dress.
Emerson says: "An eve can threat
en- like loaded and leveled gun"
He means when cooked, of course.
This has no reference, we trust, to the
strabismal defect in the orb of Ben.
Butler.
Phil. Z. Buster is attempting to
cast stain on the reputation of
Christopher Columbus by circulating
story that on certain occasion he
left his native land "for parts un-
known"
George Francis train says he finds
Boston "corroded with the midnight
livery of unutterable gloom" a con-
dition we have ourselves noticed, but
omitted to mention, having relatives
there Danbury News.
A writer says every man may spell
the names of Russian and Turkish
men and things just as he has mind
to. This is relief. Henceforth we
shall acknowledge no superior in
Russian and Turkish photography.
The Mexican name for kiss is
telenamequlzel; and when pair of
Mexican lovers are caught telemane-
,quizeling over the front gate at night,
they appear not bit more confused
than if kiss was spelled with only
one syllable.
A man will carry four hundred
dollars in his vest pocket, but a
woman needs portmonnaie as large
as fist, and too heavy to carry in
the pocket, to escort fifty cent piece
a receipt for making jelly cake and
two samples of dress goods.