The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-03-29
Street'Cars-lmportant to Horse-Rail-
road Patrons.

WE are informed that a new and i'm
proved style of car is being built for one
OF our street railways. Every seat will
be corner seat with plenty Of room for
gentlemen to put up their feet, and three
feet either side for ladies to spread their
skirts in.
Ample provision will be made for pas
sengers from the steam railways to put .
Saratoga trunk under their seat and stick
their umbrella across the aisle. Each
passenger will be provided with Their
mOmeter on entering the car, and the At
mosphere will be fixed to suit his ideas of
heat or cold.
The bell-strap will he within easy reach
of the passengers, who are requested to
amuse themselves by pulling it at their
pleasure. Big market baskets, drunken
men and bowling babies are desired, and
will be specially cared for:
A three-ply carpet will be put down
every trip for all who apply for it, and If
they prefer ingram, the company will get
it il they have to give an oat for it.
In addition to the ordinary bell-punch,
every passenger who is not already pre-.
vided with a stick or umbrella to punch
the conductor with when they wish to at
tract his attention.
Gentlemen wishing to swear at the con-
ductor cr driver will be furnished with
printed list of choice explosives. Smok-
ing will be allowed, and gentlemen chew
ing tobacco are at liberty to make them.
selves as disgusting as if they were at
home.
The car will be backed up on demand
to any lady's residence, and the conduc-
tor will bring down the babies and bag
gage from the fourth story. People who
have got into the wrong carr can stop
the same on steep grades, crossings and
curves, and receive their money back.
Ample time will be afforded lady pas
sengers boarding or leaving the car, to
take q long farewell of their friends, and
tory.
The conductors will be uniformed in
dress suits, white kid gloves, and wear
button-hole bouquets.
They will be able to speak all known,
and several unknown, languages, answer
all questions promptly and intclligently,
be familiar with the names of all the
streets, numbers of the houses and names
of the occupants; able to tell the time that
all steam trains start and where they stop !;
know to minute how long it will take
their car to reach any given point, and
willing to point out all objects of interest
on the route. They will have eyes in the
back of their heads and be competent to
collect fares, punch tickets, make change
of bank-bills of any denomination. wait
upon passengers inside the car, start and
stop the same, pick up passengers at any
distance, at one and the same time. They
will also chcerfully accept the situation
that they steal from the company and
conspire against the passengers, and will
enjoy being bull-dozed and nagged by
both.
The drivers will be dressed in complete
and elegant English coaching costume
and will be able to manage o spirited
fourth. hand, man the brakes, keep their
temper, curse any teamster dumb in thirty
: seconds, be responsible for all people
who wish to roll off the front platform un-
der the wheels, stop their teams to allow
; unprotected females to enact the role OF q
frightened hen in the roadway, stop and
start to suit everybody, never get the cal
off the track, always be on time, never
| expect the passengers to look at the cal
: for the route or destination, willing to pull
, up promptly and answer questions for any
length of time ard in all weathers.
: This new and improved Car will be put
! upon the street on the LIST of April next
. on which occasion all the hopeless idiots
: who ride in street cars are invited to take
. free Iide.-Bust0N Commercial Bulletin