Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-12-13
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EAR 81 HumOr. FL


Is to cultlvator acquaintance.
Widowed people are alreadv.roamino
about the shops IN search of Christmas
presents - ssa3s4-zso 49,
The size of Paris bonnets is GROWING
less, but the signs of husbands crow
larger at the price.
One of his lady clerks in the Interior
Department being incorrectly told that
she must pronounce "Schurz like
Shirts replied. IF he is Z shirts we
clerks are 'under-shirts.'
i A Utica somnabulist was recently
found parading the streets IN a night
shirt and a heavy rain storm. Some
persons think this Is another sign of the
revival of the old Wing party.-Rocles-
ter Democrat .aa
The ladies are all down on the tele-
phone They don't like to have fell
low whispering in their ear with his
mouth, like Sheridan at Winchester,
twenty miles away.-PIsiIa. Bulletin.
"Well, may 1 hope, then, dear, that
at some future time | may have the
happiness of making you my wife p
i" Yes, i hope so; 1 am sure" she re
Piled, :" for | am getting tired of suing
fellows for breach of promise"
There is a new paper in New York
called The Coming Stratqqle. Probably
started by some chap who is going to
board his mother-in-law-Com BMietin.
A distinguished mother writes to
newspaper for advice, which she gets
thusly: !" The only way to cure your son
of staying out late o'nights is to break
his legs, or get the girl he runs after to
J do the house-work."
When young gentleman sits down
to the tea-table and says, "Drive that
COW down this way" he evidently means,
"please pass the eream;" but has left
off part, which, in full, might properly
be construed tO. mean, drive the COW
down here so that the calf can drink"
-Welkom, Patterson and Conoyer!
WelkOmi last reeroots, to the army NV
reform. / see the end. The House is
ours, the SENT is ours, and the uooser-
per stands alone. Eff the Dimocrisy
hey any sence, the postoffises is ours in
1S80.-Nasby. "a.
AN Indian was hanged at Napa, Cal,
last Friday. Andwe are convinced that
the Indian can never be civilized. He
didn't look with profound contempt on
the persons who were present. and he
didn't insinuate that he was the happi-
| est person and the only saint in the
crowd -RocheSter Democrat
"A pair of very chubby legs
Encased in scarlet hose;
A pair of little stubby boots
With rather doubtful toes;
little kilt, little coat,
Cut mother can
And 10! before us strides in state
The futures " coming man.
The fact that Miss Peppard was mus
tered into matrimony in Woburn, the
other day, seems to be an appropriate
spice item
A sixteen year-old girl on Columbia
street has button string four yards
long, containing 1878 buttons. And that
girls father fastens his srlspenders on
his trousers with a shawl-pin, piece of
twine and sharp stick.-Haaukeye.
1t makes even good Christians lip
culver and a half smile to creep over
his usually stolid countenance to see the
mosquito, with Il blanket round his en-
| aciated form, rubbing up against the
refrigerator, preparatory to leaving for
a better world.
| NOVEL USE OF A PULPIT-There are
J queer hooks and corners left in old Eng
land. A visitor to country parson tells
how, when he accompanied him lately
to take the duty IN 4 remote parish, the
sexton said, perhaps your reverence
won't mind preaching from the chancel,
for we've got duck settin' in the
pulpit
The DIsTINCTION.-O of the methods
employed to assist the Permanent Exhi-
bition in Philadelphia is the appointment
of certain days for various classes of
visitors, Thursday was colored peoples
day, but it did not draw" not more
than thousand c0lored people being
present. This result was explained as
I follows by an old Uncle Tom" You
see dey done gone an call dis hyar
CASTOR 'cullud pussons' day.. and OATS
jess wot Glib it de chills. In course we
am .cullud, but de advertisement raised
stinctiOn dat we wouldn't swallow"
THE REASON WHAT the renting of
pews in Chicago church, the other
evening, there was hot competitor for
pew No. IS, and the bids run up to
large sum- 1t was finally knocked
down to Brother B. Why were you
SO anxious, to get that particular seat?"
he was asked by Brother G. "Why?
because it's just next to Brother Ms"
he replied. "Well, what of that" re-
turned the other. "Why," rejoined
Brother b., AN. S as bald as jug, and
he draws the flies from every body
around him. | made up my mind to
get pew near him this year, for if
there's any thing hate it's to be pes
tered with flies when Tm-when I'm
listening to. good sermon"
what is the matter with you?' in