The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1877-04-05
Oakley Hall on Suicides.

The callings of the suicides are dis
tributive. What q pity we could not
know the causes. For instance, was
the one broker who sold himself short,
a bull when in life, and what was the
name of his disastrous fancyP Was the
artist a species of Hayden? Was the
baker rendered desperate by loafers
Did the shoemaker lose his little all?
Was the fortune-teller madly eager to
realize her destiny and end all chance?
Did the stablekeeper get angry at
Bronchine because it would not cure
his hoarseness? Had the sailor riskeG
his life hundred times on ocean only
to find a surfeit Of it upon land? Why
should teacher make of himself bad
exampleP Why should a Waterman
weary of mortal sight? One piano
maker sought the harmony of spheres /;
but why should veterinary surgeon
pad the hoof to another world, or a
weaver cut the thread of fate? These
are among the unitarian instances.
Four were among the butchers, and five
among the BARRIERS; but the wonder is
that these classes, so familiar with
knives and razors, do not more often
swell the number of suicides. No one
familiar with city lacteals can be amazed
at the remorse which must have driven
the two milkmen to their undoubted
watery graves. Could not the phlegm
of the two physicians give them phil
osophy enough to liver How much
temptation to death the two druggists
must have withstood before they an
tidoted the bane of existence. Then ye
gentle shepherdesses who have seen a
lawyer pass your way, tell US why even
two of the legal fraternity should COM
NIT teto de Sc and become silent spec
tators in court where the Coroner and
not they get the fees?
Even if a man be bent upon self-de-
struction, why should he faint his men,
DRY or outrage the feelings of his family
by having his purpose discoveredP He
has only to enlist as a private soldier,
then seek a prairie chair beside Sitting
Bull; or to pull off his flannel in March,
and WOO the insidious pneumonia; or
to alternate cream pies with lobster for
week; or to hear the music of Wag-
ner for month; or to hire a two-story
house adjacent to Harlem flats, when,
presto, he would, in an orthodox man
ner, and without risking his life insur-
ance policies, find himself on another
of the tables of DR.. Nagle, Registrar of
Records in the Board of Health-the ia
bles of death by natural causes.
Our best conundrum of all is, why
should man destroy himself at alp
Emerson says that to some men the
worst feature of travel is, they must
accompany themselves. A man can
escape every body and every thing but
himself. He can not disintegrate his
soul. He can not drown thought, nor
knife remorse, nor shoot memory, nor
Paris green his conscience. "When
pair of boots has only the welt of the
sole left" says your cobbler, &c can
mend them" Bodily aches and cor
poreal miseries are appreciable and
may be palliated to the hour of dissolu-
ton; but mental tortures, if they exist
under Capricorn, are not to be palli-
ated by risking them under the fixed
star of the Unknown. Probably the
best religionist in the world is your
UniVersalist, who obeys the laws of God,
although not believing in, and of course
not fearing, future punishment. Why,
then, disavow the philosophy of Ham,
let about rushing to undiscovered ills?
And why should not the premeditated
suicide, while he lives only long enough
to dictate his last silly farewell (by
P. S., unite with Dogberry in asking
his master to write him down an ass?-|
Illustrated Weekly.