Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1877-10-10
HumOrsOme Waits.

THE four boxes that rule the world: The
ballot box, the jury box, the cartridge box
and the bandbox.
A WOMAN at eighteen wants five trunks
when she travels. At fifty she can get along
with bottle of cold tea.
"MApANI," said certain nameless one to
Mrs. Brown, the other day, you are talking
simple rubbish" "Yes, sir" replied the
ever-crushing lady, because | wish you to
comprehend me-"
How much are those fearful bulbs by
the quart 2" asked maiden of a tradesman
the other morning. lie stared at her a
moment as if bewidered, but soon recovered
himself and blufily said 90 heminyuns?
Ten pence"
A GOOD story is told of Quaker volun-
teer who was in Virginia skirmish. Com
ing into pretty close quarters with Seces
sionisl he remarked Friend, It's very un-
Fortunate but thee standest Just where am
going to shoot" and blazing away, down
came his man.
A TRAMP applied to lady in Des Mones
for something to eat, and to the inquiry as
to why he didn't go to work said there was
not any chance to work at his trade now
The lady asked him what his trade was
" Shoveling snow" was the confident an
swer. He got his dinner.
A sHIPwREcKED Irish sailor was narrat
ing how he and his companions had iloated
about at sea for twenty days in an open
boat. "And what did you do for food Pat
when the provisions gave out 2" asked by
stander. " Sure, and we dined on one of the
officers. Twas the first mate we'd had in
fortnight" was the reply.
CHICAGO Tribune: \ young lady on
| Hoyne avenue asked her young man Satur-
day evening why he called her his Ultra, and
he courteousy replied that it was a Latin
quotation. This, said he, is my knee,
and when add you to it have my knee,
plus Ultra, which is Latin for | don't want
anything more on my knee Don't you see,
my darling?" She said she did.
SooN after the introduction of the local
boxes of the American District Telegraph
Company in Sacramento, much curiosity
was manifested by Chiuaman employed in
a barroom to learn the working of the in
strument and for what purpose it was de-
signed. The proprietor told him it was
placed there to watch him and see that he
took no drinks without placing the equiv
alent in the drawer. One day the proprietor
was amused to see the Chinaman sneak cau-
tiously up 10 the box, throw towel over
the face OF the dial, and then take a drink
of the best brandy in the room, after doing
which he took off the covering and went
about doing his business, remarking Me
heep too sabbee him.
TyE lamented DIR, lde once related this
anecdote During a revival in his church,
a colored man and his wife We're both sub
iects of the work. Awhile after the Doc
tor heard they were soon to leave town, and
knowing them to be extremely ignorant, for
they had been slaves, he felt that it was very
important they should commit themselves
by a public professiou before going away.
The church therefore appointed an extra
meeting to hear their experiences. But the
man was found TO be firm as rock against
being baptized while he expressed at the
same time the utmost devotion to his Saw
iour, and his sincerity was undoubted.
After long talking he at last gave his reason
by saving he could not be baptized till he
had done more for Christ. DR.. lde said
=" Now jim, your business is to care for
horses DO You refuse them drop of water
till they have done their days work 2
" Why, no, Nlassa, | alters waters um when
| takes um out of de stable in de mornin' !;
then with sudden start he cried out 80, |
will be baptized now, will in the beginnin'
and work afterwards /" So, before an I'M
mense audience in the evening, the church
densey packed, Jim was baptized. The
moment he was lifted from the water, he
faced the assembly and in stentorian tones
cried out, " Dis horse am watered."