The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1877-03-23

A PUBLIo-BENEFACT you ever
see such singular weather ?" is query
worn threadbarc in this city. No one ever
did but there arc lots Of men who take com.
fort in trying to spoil sunny day by pre-
dieting the worst March weather in forty
years. Yesterday loon, when man on
the postoficc corner said he felt sure that
spring was at hand, along came one of the
GROWERS and put in:
"Ifwe don't have foot ofs in March
then you can call me foolr
IL don't know as run this weather any
more than you do, slowly continued tic
first, 'but my share ofi Is going to be warm
and nice, and | eau lick you in just one
minute"
He pulled off his overcoat, spit on his
hands, and demanded
"Now. then, what's your share of the
weather going to be ?"
The other hcsitated, looked in vain for
policeman, and replied: 81 want 1t hot
teri n blazes0 ---.-.
"All right, thcn," said the other, as he
put on his coat "I'm going to walk around
this town and encourage an early spring,
and when meet man who sighs for snow
I'm going to drop my fist on his left ear
Hooray tor strawberries ann string beans !"
WHY lie WErr.-He left her and step.
ped out to soc a friend between acts
"Why, Edward" said she, when he re-
turned, "thcre are tears in your eyes"
Yes, pct" replied he, solemnly y, SCI sup.
pose there arc-I saw such sad sight
when | was out"
"Did you-what was it 2" inquired she.
"Such sad sigh" he, keep
ing his face away that she might not smell
his brcath-"I discovered a young man
whom l have known for years drinking
whisky"
"You did ?"
"Yes, standing right in plain sight before
me, partaking deeply and carclcssly Of the
dreadful intoxicating glass"
There was little pause, when the Young
lady suddenly said:
Edward, was he standing right in front
of you?"
"Yes, pet" was the reply"
There was another pause, when the young
lady asked again:
Edward, don't most of the fashionable
saloon counters have great nice mirrors
right on the walls behind thcm?" Edward
flushed little and looked quizzical as he
replied that he ''bclieved" they did.
And here he permitted the subject to
drop.
ONE MORE ABOUT THE CoMMoDoRE.-
Arbitrary as the Car, he was wont to gov
crn, IN his private affairs, with rod of
iron The husband of one Of the dauyh
ters of the Commodore being unfortunate
in business many years ago she went to
her father for assistance, which was refused
in a manner more forcible than elegant
She abruptly withdrew to fight for complete
independence. The next morning the New
York Of those days was highly surprised to
read the following advertisement, specialize
displayed: ~. ~. g. ~ =
Mrs.--desires to state that she has ex-
ccllent table and accommodations for fam.
lilies or single gentlemen. Refers to her
father, G. Vanderbilt.
That advertisement appeared exactly one
time, for the Commodore realized the sit.
uation, advanced backward promptly, and
there was no more dissension in that branch
of the family forever aftcrward-BuLjalo
ADVERTISER.
The eloping couple in this instance were
overtakcn by the girls father at Casey Sta.
tion, Tennessee. He pulled her out of her
lovers wagon, put her in front of himself
on mules back, and started for homc.-
The lover gave chase, but his wagon broke
down. Oil his presence Of mind desert
him in that emergency? No. He shouted: {:
"Sally, if you love me, slide off, She
wrlggled out of her parents grip, and slid
off the smooth back of the mule. Before
the parent could get her remounted the
lover came up afoot, and, in hand to. hand
encounter, triumphed over the old man.