The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-07-31


Same O, our readers who are advanced IN
life viii, recognize in the story OF COUSIN
e,1,r billiard an old acquaintance that they
will be glad to sec. 1t Is handed TO us ps
an old friend who has a very high apprecia-
ton Of it, and ave crafty him and introduce
- many Young readers the old story writ
ten by Hamilton Jones, OF North Carolina
whom we knew in our early days: -
scr>r-A Court of JaSticc IN Norm
CdrofiHa. ..t .
beardless disciple OF Thcmis rises ana
+bns addresses the court: May 1t please your
,yorships, and you, gentlemen OF the 1urSs
s;nce If has been my fortune good or DAG
will not say TO exercise mvseh III ecu
lisoujsitions. 1t has never before oc1aneh
me to be obliged to denounce hreach OF tne
peace so enormous ana trahscchaihS as .nc
nnn now claiming our attention. a more
horharous, direiul. marked, and malicious
a.s.u|t-a more wiliul, violent danger
ons. and murderous battery, and hnally,
more diabolical breach Of the peace, has sci.
dom happened in a civilized country, and
dare saw il has not been your DUTY to pass
anon one so shocking to benevolent feeling
as this, which took place over at Captain
Rice's in this county; but you will hear
from the witnesses. The witnesses being
sworn. two or three were examined and
denosed-one, that he heard the noise, but
didn't see the fight-anotheT, that he saw
the row. but don't know who struck first
and third, that he was very drunk, and
couldn't say much about the scrimmage.
Lawyer Chops: am sorrS- gentlemen, to
have occupied so much OF your time with
the stupidity Of the witnesses examined. 1t
arose, gentlemen, altogether from misap-
prehension on my part. lad l known, as
i now do, that had a witness in attendance
who was we'll acquainted with all the CIR
cnmstsuces OF the case, and who was able
70 make himself clearly aud intelligiblv un-
derstood by the court and jury, should
not so long have trespassed on your time
and paticnce Come forward, Mr.. Harris,
and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, fat.
chuffy-looking man, q steele" corned, ana
took his corporal OATH
Chops: Mr.. Harris, we wish You to tell
all about the riot that happened the other
day at Captain Rice's, and, as good deal OF
time has been already wasted IN clrcumio-
cutien, we wish you to be rs compendiousS,
and, at the same time, as. explicit as posi-
BILE.
Harris: "Edzactly ''-giving the lawyer
X,
his throat-Captain Rice, he gin treat, and
cousin Sally billiard. she came over TO our
house and aXed me il my wife she
moughtn't 90. told cousin Sally billiard
that my wife was poorly, being as how she
had a touch Of the rheumatics in the hip,
and the big swamp was in the road, and
the big swamp was up, for there haG been
a heap OF rain lately; but hOwsomever as it
was she, cousin Sally billiard, my wife she
mought 90. Well, cousin Sally billiard
then axed me il Nose, he moughn't 60.
told cousin Sally billiard that Nose, he was
the foreman Of the crop, and the crop was
smarty in the grass; but. howsomever, rs
it was she, cousin Sally billiard, Nose, he
mought CO."
Chops In the name OF common sense,
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by this riga
marole? ,.-
Witness: Captain Rice, he gin treat,
and cousin Sally billiard she came over to
our house and axed me il my wife she
moughtn't 60. told cousin Sally Dillard-
Chops Stop, sir, if you please; we don't
want to hear anything about cousin Sally
billiard and your wife-tell us about the
fight at Rice's.
Witness: Well will, sir, if you will let
me.
Cn0pS: ell, SIT, 20 Oh.
Witness: Well, Captain Rice, he gin a
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she came
over to our house and aXed ME il my wife
she moughtn't go
Chops: There it Is again; witness, Wit
ness, say, witness, please to stop.
Witness: Well, sir, what do you want?
Chops: We want to know about the fight,
and you must not proceed in this imperti-
neut story. Do you know anything about
the matter before the court? ''....''
Witness: To be sure do.
Chops: Will you 60 on and tell it, and
nothing else?
Witness: Well, Captain Rice, he gin
treat ..... .-.-...-.......
Chops: This is ntoerable! May it please
the Court move that this witness be con-
mitted for contempt; he seems to me to
be trifling with the court.
Court: Witness, you are now before
court OF justice, and unless you behave
yourself in more becoming manner you
will be sent to Jail; so begin and tell what
you know about the fight at Captain Rice's.
Witness (alarmed): Well, gentlemen, Cap
tain Rice, he gin treat, aud cousin Sally
billiard 49,.
Chops: I hope that the witness may be
ordered into custody. ~
Court latter deliberating) Mr.. Attor-
ney, the Court is of the opinion that we may
save time by telling the witness to 60 on in
his own way. Proceed, Mr.. Harris, with
your own story, but stick to the point.
Witness: Yes, gentlemen. Well, Captain
Rice, he gin treat, and cousin Sally Dill
lard she came over to our house, and axed
me il nv wife she moughtn't 60. / told
cousin Sally billiard that my wife was
poorly, being as how she had the rheumatics
in the hip, and the big swamp was il the
road, and the big swamp was up; but how
somever, as 1t was she, cousin Sally billiard,
that my wife mought go. Well, cousin
Sally billiard, then axed me II Nose, he
moughtr't 20. told cousin Sally
billiard as how Nose, he was the
foreman of the crop, and the crop was
smartiy in the grass; but howsomever,
as it was, cousin Sally billiard, Nose, he
nYousht 60. So, on they goes together
Nose, my wife, and cousin Sally billiard
and they comes to the big swamp, and the
big swamp was up, as was telling you;
but being as how there was log across the
big swamp, cousin Sally billiard and Nose,
like genteel folks, they walks the log; but
my wife, like a id fool, hoists up her pet
ticoats and waded-and gentlemen, that's
the height of what know about 1t.
Virginia.
From London Notes and Queries.l
IL not a<rtv, Il ~