Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1877-06-29
Uncle Johns Giant.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.

lie was the most shit less giant ev-
er knew" said Uncle John Robinson,
as he sat among some of his cronies in
Jake Augs clubhouse the other night,
telling about the Polonaisian Hercu-
les that travelled with his circus good
many years ago. =" He didn't appear to
take no interest in his business. A gi-
ant, to be OF any use to show, wants
to be sociablc like with the folks that
comes to see him. He must shake EN-
by the hand, and tell how tall he is, and
how high his father and mother stood,
and all that sort o thing you know. But
he wouldn't. He wouldn't talk to no
body, and the more folks crowded round
to look at him the crosser he got. He
was giant without particle of love
for his fellow-man.'
Held himself above them, | sup
pose" we put in
Well, yes; about three feet above
them, l should say. He was a lunker-
nearly nine feet high. And, Lord! but
what an appetite he had. He got very la
Zy before the season was over, and he
would come down to the canvas when
he got ready. Sometimes he didn't get
along until Just as the show was letting
out, and the people would be mad about
it, for when giant is on the bills, and
folks have paid to see him, they natur-
ally want to have him there part of the
time, at least; wouldn't you?'
We answered that under such circum-
stances nothing short of two hours
interview with the giant could possibly
have satisfied us.
We'll, half an hour would have been
enough with him. He was surly beg
gar, | can tell you. | felt like giving
him an overhauling about it, but some
how man don't like to get into any
words with feller nine feet high. He
turned into hard drinking, and finally
got so that he staid away from the af-
ternoon performances altogether, laying
asleep in his room
One day [ wasn't feeling frst-rate.
and l came down to the canvas in the
afternoon to find that the 'Poloniasian
Hercules that's what we called him
altogether, although he was born in
Pennsylvania on hand, as usu-
al. Here, you, Rubel says / to the
boss canyasman, where is that blank
giant? Asleep up to the tavern, was
the reply Well, I'll sleep him, says
|, blank blank his blankety blank to
blank and blanknation! SO picking up
a barrel stave [ started for the tavern
on a run.
You see, was mad, for was card
ing him heavy, and paying him SIS per
week and found
" Drunk" we suggested
" That's it, said Uncle John, found
moren half the time. | was so mad
that forgot all about his size. l was
only thinking Of man IS drawing sala-
ry and not showing up. | rushed up to
his room, and there he lay, fast asleep
and nearly raising the roof with every
snOre.
" How large was this giant, Uncle
John?"
Nine feet if he was an inch, and as
he lay on the bed two-thirds of him was
on the floor But as [ said before, |
was so excited that didn't think of his
proportions. The broad part of his cor
porosity was exposed, and raising the
stave, | brought it down on him with
laundering whack, as | yelled: You
miserable, lazy, good-for- nothing, drunk
en- blank blank giant to blank and gone,
git up here in minute, or I'll pound
your blank head off =
" He jumped up quicker'n any giant
you ever saw. Now make a double
quick for the canvas, says l, as | gave
him another ringing slap that you could
have heard four blocks away. With a
howl he made for the street, and down
towards the canvas on a run, | after him
fetching him lick at every jump, and
yelling: Get drunk, shirk your work,
will ye? Oh, III give you dance
You ought to've heard the people cheer
when | brought my giant in. He was
just in time for the spectacular piece,
prepared expressly for him, which he
called Sampson captured by the Philis-
tines, and he took his place in line meek
as Moses. Before that he had made
good deal of trouble in the piece, and
once he nearly killed the whole Philis
tine army, instead of going along peace
ably as captive should. But we had
no complaint to make about him after
that, and when he left the show to set
himself up in the saloon business l gave
him the highest sort of a recommend,
which, [ understand, he had framed and
kept hanging in the place for visitors to
see. | spoke particularly in it of his
sobriety, docility, and strict attention to
business. Ha! ha! l tell you, boys,
you can't do anything with giant until
you whale him once"
Uncle Johns story confirmed us in
previously formed determination never
to have any giants in our employ.