The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-09-29
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

side bowder weighing some twenty tons o.
more, labelled "Blank & Co.'S Cure for Dyspep
sia." The curc is supposed to lie in the
healthy exc c involved in using the pebble as
foot ball.
A New 70 ditor rejoiccs because just and
discriminating flash of lightning struck a man
who was playing the concertina at his front door
The use of tobacco does prolong life A party
of lynchcrs down South recently postponed the
hanging ten minutes to allow the victim to finish
cigar.
The laboring man who complains of the hard
lot which forces him to toll for dollar day can
take comfort from the consideration that he has
no money to lose by depositng in a savings bank.
A scientist who recently Investigated the Kcely
motor rcvves confidence in its ultimate success
by announcing that the secret of its power lies in
pound of boarding house butter shut up in an
iron box
Henry Clay Dean, since his removal TO Missou-
ri, is likely to be sent to congress If SO the dem
ocratic party in the house will "gain ground" in
more senses than one
At Chambersburg, Pa, men fined $40 for
splitting on the floor in church. This rigorous
course, it affirmed has led TO extraordinary care
the part of male church. gocrs AS to where they
put their hats.
simultaneously with the announcement of the
first frost the poets have begun to sing
The thirsty skcetcr folds his languid wings
Draws in his augur, and no longer sings;
No more artesian wells he tries to sink,
Or comes up to the bar to get drink;
In sleep he waits another seasons sup;
He's cOmatOSe; his pump is friZZcn up!
The announcement of an English Journal that
the Shah of Persia does not pay his debts excitcs
in an impecunious contemporary the hearty re.
spouse; Shake, old Nassur-ed deem! But what
40 you do with yourself about the first of the
month"
Gov. Anthony, Of Kansas, in speech at n re-
cent agricultural fair in that state remarked that
il we could lock up Congress for five years and
the State Legislatures for ten, we should have
fewer politics and more potatoes.
They have found the bones of some extinct an
iInai in one Of the Jersey swamps, which must
have exceeded lie elephant in size, when alive.
II is carnivorous beast, and Is believed by mar
eminent persons TO be the ancestor Of the well.
known mosquito of that state
corner grocery was burned in Independence
Mo-, the other day, and the local paper states
that the hrehcnd shrieked in the lurid gale and
tossed its liyid hair to meet the inky pail of the
bending heavens"
Ingenuity is rapidly creeping over the South.
An artificial frogs legs factory has been started
in Memphis Mutton is the base. Thus is
once PROSTATE land of the Magnolia aris ',~
giant to take her place among the "s Inv
leaders Of the earth 'u""t"fTi
SHE USDERsr
pcnsiye mood -'"D HIM
/ remarked -HMe over mei
''The fro 9Th many sigh,
The j. -. and cold will soon be here,
..adscHJc change to brown and scrc,
Asa all hings green will de-"
Me hooked up sweetly sympathetic
And the tears stood In her eye,
As she murmurcd in Il voice divine,
Placing her lily hand in minc
PPM sorry, but--Good-bye."
The Streator Free Press attributes the untls-
ual healthfulncss of that town to the hard times,
by cutting OIL the edible luxurics which are so
unheathful and reducing the people to plain
substantial food. The editor says he has been
too poor to buy single water melon and has
never felt 30 well in his life.
Negro camp meetings are ripe in North Caro-
lima and the Charlotte Gazette gives the following
AS part OF hymn sung at all of them
~ shake de dus' Off OBJ my feet
An walk barefoot on the golden street.
know my hides chuck full of sin,
But know old Pete will let me in"
CHORUS.
Den rise, children, up in crowd
An shout an sing to the angels loud;
An fix your eyes on dc Ian oh rest
kase hell am hot ~ II hornets nest"
The following is also very popular, but the ed
tor is unable to tell whether the "sevcn hun
dred men" ARE implored to "comc down with the
stamps or something else:
Dayld's weapon il was dull
Seven hundred men cum down
An yet he bust Guliah's skull
Seven hundred men come down.
Peter, fishin' in dc sea-
Seven hundred men cum down
"Oh haul up yer nets an cum along wild me"
Seven hundred men cum down.
New York detectives will probably 20 out in a
body and hang themselves for pure spite when
they hear Of the grand hit made by one Of their
brethren In England. Not many months ago, II
appears, n foreign Minister In London invoked
the aid of one of the smartest Scotland Yard de-
tectves to find young girl who had inherited a
fortune OF quarter Of million. At the end Of
six weeks the detective returned and gave In his
resignation. "Wcl," said his Chief, "that's all
right; but where is the girly' "Oh, | found her
month ago In dressmaker's shop" "Well!"
We'll, married her yesterday, and began draw
ing on her quarter million to-day, that's ALL"
The Buffalo Commercial is responsible for the
following extraordinary relations;
woman out in Polk county becoming convert
cd ~ the doctrines Of DIR. Mary Walker took adj
vantage Of her husbands absence 10 array her
self in his clothes. She put on the coat first, and
ignoring the buttons pinned 1t up from chin
Gown Then she put on the vest back in front,
and toilsomely buttoned IL up behind. That was
about 3 O'Clock in the afternoon. At about half.
past six her husband found her seated on the