The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1877-01-30
THE TIMES NEW BLOOMFIELD, Pa JANUARY 30 1877.

the way l fumbled around in the dark
was death TO straw hats. The critical
moment came. / opened the door, and
found myself right among the women.
"Oh my Leghorn ~ cries one" My
dear, darling winter velvetl'' cries an.
other, and they pitched in--they pulled
me this way and that WY, boxed my
ears and one bright eyed little piece
Sal -, her name was--put her arms
right around my neck and kissed me
right on my lips! = human nature
couldn't stand that, and l gave her good
as she sent. 1t was the first time ever
got taste, and It was powerful good.
believe could have kissed that gal from
Julius Caesar TO the 4th of July.
Jack, says she, " we are sorry to
disturb you, but won't you see me
home?n
Yes, says I. ''I will"
did do 1t, and had another smack at
the gate, too. After that we took a
kinder turtle-doving each other, both of
us signing like barrel of new made
cider when we were away from each
other.
Twas at the close of glorious sum-
mer day-the sun was setting behind
distant hen-roost--the buSl-frogs were
commencing their evening songs-the
polly-wogs, in their native mud pud-
dies, were preparing themselves for their
shades of highland Sal and myself sat
upon an Anticipated back log, listening
to the music of nature, such as tree
toads, roosters and grunting pigs, and
now and then the mellow music of
distant jackass was waited to our earsby
the gentle zephyrs that sighed among
the mullen stocks, and came laden with
the delicious odor of hen-roosts ind pig
stys. The last lingering rays of bheset-
ting sun, glancing from the buttons of
solitary horseman ,shone through knot
hole in pig-pen, full in SAILS face,
dyeing her an orange peel hue, and
showing off my thread-bare coat to bad
advantage. One of my arms was around
SAILS waist, my hand resting on the
small of her back SIZE was almost gone;
and l was ditto. She locked likea a grass
hopper dying with the hiccups, and 1
felt like mud-turtle choked with fish
ball.
Sal," says L, in voice as musical as.
the notes of a dying swan, twill you
have me ?''
She turned her eyes heavenward,
clasped me by the hand, had an attack
of the heaves and blind staggers, and
with sigh that drew her shoe strings to.
her palate, said Yes ~
She gave clear out, then, and squattedI
in my lap; she corkscrewed and cur
fiumixed and rolled in. l Rugged her
till 1 broke my suspenders, and her
breath smelt of onions she had ate two
weeks before.
Well, to make a long story short, she
set the day, and we praeticed for four
weeks every night how we should walk
into the room to be married, till we got
SO we could walk as graceful as couple
of Muscovy ducks. The night the COM
| pany and the minister came, the signal
was given, and arm and arm we march
| ed through the crowded hall. We were
just entering the parlor door when down
l went, kerslap on the oil cloth, pulling
Sal after me. Some cussed fellow had
dropped banana skin on the floor, and
it floored me. 1t split an awful hole in
my casimeres, right under my dress coat
tail. 1t was too late to back out; SO,
clapping my hand over it, we were
spliced-and taking seat watched the
kissing the bride operation. My grooms-
man was tight, and he kissed her till L
| jumped up to take slice; when, oh
horror little six-year-old imp had
crawled behind me, and pulling my
shirt through the hole in my pants, had
pinned 1t to the chair, and in jumping
up displayed to the admiring gaze of
the astonished multitude trifle more
white muslin than. was pleasant. The
women giggled, the men roared, and l
got mad, but was finally put to bed, and
there all my troubles ended. Good
night.