The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1877-03-15

my mind. The only method j had of re-
lieving myself from the penalty of my
crime would be by perpetrating others;
and this, felt convinced, would only be
to prolong for short time the misery L
was in. A feeling of recklessness then
came on, and [ resolved to let things
take their course. Just before the office
was about to close, one day, jackson en-
tered and told one of the junior clerks
he wished to speak with the senior part
ner. Although he remained in my room
during the time the youth went with the
message, he took not the slightest notice
of me, but, with perfect command of
l-countenance, looked about him till his
eye fell ON me, when he showed no more
appearance of recognition than if had
been total stranger. He was soon after
ushered into the senior partners Office,
and /, closing my desk, put on my hat,
and, in q state of terror it would be i'm
possible to describe, returned home.
The state of my mind that night would
battle all description. tried to sleep, if
only to close my eyes for short time to
the danger J. was in. All was useless;
and turned over in my mind inndmer-
able schemes of the vaguest description
by which to save myself. When think
over them now, and can estimate their
utter worthlessness and absurdity, 1 can
easily understand / was in the condition
of the drowning man who catches at
straw. '. s.".E
The next morning, entirely forgetting
my breakfast, in n fit Of recklessness L
dressed, and went to the Office Shortly
after my arrival, the senior partner enter
ed, and in passing through the office he
looked steadily at me for some moments,
and then went on. A few minutes later
messenger came to me and told me the
senior partner wished to speak with me.
At that moment powerful, respectfully
attired, communicating man entered the
Office, bearing letter for the firm. He
glanced at me as went out of the room,
and shuddered as looked at him, for
felt persuaded he was detective officer.
On entering the senior partners office,
he raised his eyes from the desk, and
looked steadily at me. L was surprised
to find there was no sternness nor indig-
nation in his countenance. ..
O." he said, in kind tone, "you
do not look at all well this morning. Is
there anything the matter with you? ?"
1 caught at the idea, and said 1 had
not felt well for the last few days.
Il thought not, " he said "and only
sent for you to say, if it were the case,
you had better return home and take
day or two's rest. You will then be bet
ter, and we can do very well without You
for that time"
A reception so different from what /
had expected, made such an impression
on me that the tears came into my eyes,
and felt half inclined to confess the
whole truth. The senior partner, how
ever, putting out his hand, and shaking
mine warmly, said:
"Now go home, and keep up your
spirits, and you will do very well. " ....,
AT that ,,aon,o,at one or t1Ie clerks ell
tered the room, and left it and proceed
ed homewards, the man whom l had
imagined to be detective being no
longer there. For what purpose Jack
son visited the Office the evening before
L know not. Certainly it was not con-
nected with my business.
1t will be too painful for me to 60 fur
ther into the matter. plunged deeper
and deeper into crime. L attempted to
coniure up reckless frame of mind, and
in the daytime to a considerable extent
succeeded. But then the nights-how
can / describe their misery2 I could
not sleep without opium, and the more I
took of the drug the greaterth the quantity
l required, till at length I was obliged.
to take each evening as much as would
have killed any ordinary man. 1t had
also its effect on my corlntenance, which
assumed the palid hue of the regular
opium eater. At last the forgery was
discovered, Jackson having sold my
note; L was arrested, my defalcations
came to light, and soon after found my
self here.
One word more, in justice to myself
1 heard that in the newspaper report of
the trial it was stated that when, after
my sentence, I left the bar, it was with
jaunty step and Indifferent expression of
countenance. Never was there a truer
remark. If, indeed, any objection can
be taken to it, it is that it did not go far
enough, for the imprisonment to which I
was condemned, and the utter ruin of
my prospects in life, were but feather
in the balance, when compared with the
weight of horrible mental torture and
doubt 1 had been laboring under for
months before the termination of my ca
reer of crime. 80 r.-r.r .r-. .ar
= "Where is Thornton, you ask p
He occupies the cell adjoining mine
Illustrated Weekly. .r