Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-12-20
Hull,0r.

An Illinois farmer boy, who has tried
1t, says. 1t Is hard work to ride 4 pig.
Its name is so short"
Now is the time for the inventors of
snow-plows to seek out railroad men
and talk them to death.
In one sense Kentucky is celebrated
Tor Its short horns, but in another she
isn't
Duty before pleasure" as the Gus
tom-house officer said when he lighted
upon some struggled tobacco.
A philosopher who went to a church
where the people came in late said it
was the fashion there for nobody to go
till everybody got there
Mamma" said little four-year old,
after waiting patiently for her mother
to be at leisure, will you be unbusy
soon?"
One thousand dollar counterfeit bills
are once more in circulation. Be sure
you do not put any in the contribution
| boxes.
A Kentucky innkeeper offers to en-
terrain clipping couples at half price
He can afford to, provided the two have
been made one.
Some soured bachelor says: 'IIeaven
! III Its merclful providence gave no beard
to woman, because he well knew they
could not hold their tongues long enough
to be shaved"
When Is the best time to pick apples ?''
This is a very simple question. The
best time for such work is when the
farmer Is not looking and there is no
big dog in the orchard
The worst thing that any hater of
mankind can wish to an enemy, is to
hope that he'll 90 to church some very
cold and windy Sunday, without n
pocket handkerchief
A schoolboy, asked to define the word
, matrimony, said he didn't exactly know
its meaning, but he knew his father
was tired of it.
The Chicago Jorunal knows a thing
or two. 1t says: When a man mag
ines that he is prophet and philoso-
pher, he takes to long hair and a dirty
overcoat"
Young ladies in Rome, n. Y, will
petition Congress to pass an enabling
act, to enable the old folks to go to bed
at nine o'clock Sunday evening.
At Sunday-school, teacher asked
little boy if he knew what the express
sion Sowing tares" meant "Courth
| do" said he, pulling part of his
trousers around in front; there is a
tare my ma sewed up; / tared it sliding
down hill"
"What did you get !" asked wife of
her husband, on his return home
from hunting excursion of several
days duration. :" got back p he sen
tentiously replied.
A maiden lady said to. her little
nephew: CHOW, Johnny, you go to bed
early, and always do so, and you will be
rOsy-cheeked and handsome when YOU
/ grow up" Johnny thought over this
few minutes, and then observed: @Well,
aunty, you must have sat up a good
deal when you were young"
An English musical journal saws that
fifteen per cent. Of the inmates of luna
tic asylums are musicians and singers,
but it neglects to state how many Of the
remaining eighty-fve per cent. were
driven mad by the practicing Of the
former.
Conversation between an inquiring
stranger and a steamboat pilot: "That
is Black Mountain ?" Yes, sir; high
est mountain above Lake George"
" Any story or legend connected with
that mountain ~ "Lots of 'em. Two
lovers went up that mountain once and
never came back again" "Indeed?
Why, what became of them?" event
down on the other side ~
Within the next few days if any acct
dent befalls man, and he is found to
have suspicious smelling bottle in his
pocket, give him the benefit of doubt
He may have been commissioned from
home to :" buy a little cooking brandy"
for Christmas.