The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-10-13
VARIETY.

INCREDIBLE ANNoUNCEMENT.-Th crews of her
Majesty's ship challenge her
50 How to Live on Sixty pounds Year"
lind friend who has it and live on him, of
cDurse.
What lovers sware-To be true until death.
n hat husbands swear-Unft for publication.
If time was made for slaves, the market has
Dot been Overstocked. They've never much on
heir hands.
Cincinnati swell told his tailor that he
couldn't pay for 80 that last epilepsy 1t
vas discovered that he meant /" bad fit.''
DYsPEPsA.-A Philadelphia man. who was
tCd that to cure his dyspepsia he must saw a
cDrd of wood every morning, has purchased
mall steam engine and gone to work.
A Chinese laundryman died of starvation at
louisville the other day, with those pathetic
and expressive words on his lips: Bes' thing
chinaman do in Kentuckee he die-fee weekee
-onIy washee lun shirtee-him no get payee-
heap starve on nothing"
Boston Advertiser A little GIRL who has
been mportunate for baby companion, came
down to breakfast the other morning with a
very self satisfied and important air. '' Now" 5"
said she to her mother, {" guess We'll have
one pretty soon.'' 81 Have what?' asked the
mother :. A baby" promptly replied the
young innocent. 50 L prayed to the Lord last
night to send us one, but of all things not to
send a red-haired one, for we all hate red
hair
One day Bill had company to dine with him,
and his wife, wishing William to appear well,
quietly admonished him to be careful what he
said. All went well till Bill got his potatoes
veil mashed, when he said: &c Dolly, parse the
greese ~ .. Why, William said his wife,
Z you should call it gravy " WALL" says
Bill, ' guess if get 1t on your table-cloth it
would be greese." The guests shouted
lot Of homeopathic medicines. All these med
icines were dumped into one pile and disposed
Of in one lot, there being various kinds of medi-
cine in the mass. A boarding house keeper
bought the lot, and some days after the purchase
the auctioneer asked her So What did you want
with the that homeopathic medicine, Mrs-?"
She replied &c thought could use it, and
it was cheap, SO L crushed it under the roller
and then filed my sugar bowls with it. The
boarders seemed to like it, and especially when
powdered over pies.
ALL THE DIFFERENcE.-The late Bates Turner,
Of Vermont, was witty man as he was
learned jurist. On one occasion, young and
Jealous lawyer, not over punctilious in his allu-
sions to the Court, nor very formal in his
manner, was arguing question before the
Judge, and in the course of his argument, by
way o ILLUSTRATION, wished to suppose a case
IS We will suppose, your HONOR said he,
= that your Honor were to steal horse-''
80 No, no, no." interrupted that Judge, I" not
% all, not at all tain't a supposable case,
Mr. s., t amt supposable case
Every well, begging your Honor's pardon"
proceeded the eager lawyer, with more zeal than
prudence, "yery well, then supposing that l
should steal horse"
IS All, yes, yes, yes" said the Judge that
n different thing, very likely, Mr.. s., very
likely. Proceed. Mr. S.
Mr. ). proceeded to take q seat, amid the
shouts of his brethren, and had the good sense
to take the joke in good part, and repeat it
often to his friends.
How He DIDN'T Know AT ALL-He was a
practical but rather pedantlc sort of man,
and he said he did not believe language was
made to conceal thought. More than this, he
Gid believe that the dictionary was work made
TO use, and that every man should be familiar
with Its minutest contents.
But, said the student, 80 that would be i'm
possible for any man."
50 Nonsense - exclaimed the practical man.
p why, there are few words that could be men,
tioned that [ wouldn't be perfectly at home
with
- L should like to give you few samples
replied the student. 80 believe l could COM
mence with the beginning of Webster, and
stump you before we got through the AS
'' Go on with your sample AS" demanded
the selfconfdent one, {" and then tackle the BIS,
and run to the rs"
80 Ill try said the student calmly, 'sby first
giving you a few sentences in AS"
And squaring off for the work, the student
asked the practical man to please bear in mind
and translate, when he had done, the few sample
sentences following -
M Approach. adorers at Alterations altar.
Assemble abdals and abderian adopts, and
analyse ambagitory and amphlblological
allOcutiOn. Accept, as an apparently acataleptic
and absonous arrangement, an alliterative aggre,
gaticn, actually anagogetical. As an acephalist
abjure all adscittious arts and adyentitious aids
as addititious and ardently advance. Ablepsy
and audacity alike anatreptic and adiabho
rus, adjuyants and anamnestic adhlbItlonE
at abstringing and ablaqueatiDg all abstruse
anfractuosities and anagogics. as all adopts are
aware Avoid anastrophes as anacoluthic anc
anisOmeric and abandoning abditories advanc'
against apparently antical anagraphs. Apply
apomecometry, and arrive at an apodictica
anagnornisis and accept an authors acknowl
edgments.''
90 There demanded the student, SO transat
that, and Ill commence with the b g and ruI
y On to the rs -
But the practical man who was so intimat
with his own language had fed.