The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1877-12-06
Wit and HumOr.

WHAT Is the difference between hill
and pill9 One is hard to get up, and
the other is hard to get down.
A FRENCHMAN thinks he has discov-
cred that round-eared animals love mu-
sic, and sharp cared animals hate it.
AN editor, referring to sir-tight collins,
says: mo person having once tried one
of these collins will ever use any other"
A CHICAGO man wants the thief who
stole his well-bucket and rope to come
back and take the WELL AS it is of no use
now.
A TAILOR, speaking of the winter fash
ions, says, very correctly: "Thcre is not
much Change in gentleman's pants this
month"
"MAMMA, do you know what the larg-
est species of ants are? You shake your
head. Well, III tell you. They're
elephants"
The proposition to introduce ladies as
railroad conductors is frowned upon, in
view of the fact that their trains are al
ways behind.
AN editor published long leader on
hogs. A rival paper in the same village
upbraids him for obtruding his family
matters upon the public.
THE population in Wales doubles in
so years, and in France in 361 years. In
this country the population doubles up
once year-green apple time.
The following laconic epitaph, carved
on Spanish tombstone, should be re-
membered: 81 was we'll, l tried to feel
better, took physic, and here am"
ONE of the annoyances of gathering
autumn leaves in Missouri is the fact
that all the best trees are in daily use to
cure men of the habit of horse stealing.
A FRENCH paper points out how the
passion for gambling is shown in Eng
land, so that even in wedding notices it
is necessary to state that there were "no
cards"
AN editor, speaking of spritualism,
says: ave don't believe in any medium
except the circulating medium and
that has become so scarce that our faith
in it is shaky."
BARON ANDERSON, the late judge, on
being asked to give his opinion as to the
proper length of sermon, replied:
"Twenty minutes, with leaning to the
side of mercy"
STABLE keeper-"By the way, shall l
put in an extra buffalof' English blood
-"Couldn't you let me ave an 'orse, you
knowl Er-er rather not drive a buffalo,
first time, you know"
A VIRGINIA sheriff asked murderer
ifhe wanted to make speech on the gal
lows, and he replied: "Guess not; it looks
like rain, and don't want to get wet
Go on with the hanging"
"OCH," said a love-sick Hibernian
"what recreation it is to be dying of
love! 1t sets the heart aching so deli
cately there's no taking a wink of sleep
for the pleasure of the pain"
A COUNTRY doctor has had his portrait
painted, and local art-critic declares
that you can feel saws and things rasp-
ing over your bones, and taste cslomel,
blue pill, and quinine, as you look at it.
A YOUNG lady, in conversing with a
gentleman, spoke of having resided in
st. Louis. "Was st. Louis your native
placer asked the gentleman "Well,
yes, part of the time" responded the
lady.
/ CLAsPED her tiny hand in mine; |
vowed to shield her from the wind, and
from the worlds cold storms. She set
her beauteous eye on me, and with her
little lips said she, San umbrella will do
as we'll"
AN old lady with large family, liv-
ing near river, was asked If she did not
live in constant fear that some of her
children would be drowned. "Oh, no."
she replied; 1--WE have only lost three or
four in that way"
WHAT agonies must the poet have en-
dured, who, writing of his love, asserted
that he "kissed her under the silent
stars" and found the compositor had
made him declare that he clicked her
under the cellar stairs"
AN Englishman, for wager of $780,
600, has begun walk through France,
Germany, northern Russia and Siberia,
to China, and thence through India,
Persia, southern Russia, Greece, and
Italy, to France. The time allowed for
the walk is six years.
DANIEL WEBSTER once affirmed in
company that no woman ever wrote a
letter without a postscript. MY next
letter shall refute you!' said lady of
his acquaintance. The"Great Expounder"
soon after received letter from his fair
disputant, where, after her signature, stood
"P. S.-Who is right now, you or IT,