The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-11-15
PASSING SMILES.
Coop suits for bald-headed men

PASSING SMILES.
COOP suits for bald-headed men
Mohair.
HoTEL-KEEPERs are people we have to
"put up with. -
A TUNE that young ladies try to catch
"A million air.
THE cheapest of lawyers-Keeping
ones own counsel.
COURAGE is often the fear of being
thought coward.
WHAT letters of the alphabet are most
like Roman Emperor? The Cs are.
"THIs," thought boy while being
trounced by his fond papa, e is very like
a whale"
PEOPLE seldom improve when they
have no other model but themselves to
copy after.
THIS is good time for driving. If
you do not own and cannot hire horse,
you can drive nail.
HE who shows kindness towards ami
mails will display the same characteristics
towards the fellow-men.
WORK, but dontt worry" the old
saw says; but some people don't work,
so they take it out in worrying.
THE first dollars ever made from Maine
silver have recently been coined from
metals taken the Sedgwick silver mines.
IFyou want to make half the men in
the street stop and turn around, whistle
to stray dog on the opposite sidewalk.
WE do not know of how much man
is capable, if he has the will, and to
what point he will rise if he feels free.
AN excellent quartette-A good tenn
per, good library, good wife and a
good friend are four of the choicest
blessings of human life.
You can't tell mans character by
the way he shakes hands. He may be
annoyed at the tightness of his new sus-
penders, and hardly grip at all.
A SMALL sorrow distracts, great one
makes us collected; as a bell looses its
clear tone when slightly cracked, and re-
covers it if the fssure is enlarged.
THUS spake Richter: "No man is
more profoundly sad than he who laughs
too much" And thus Lavater: Too
much gravity argues shallow mind
IT is a bad plan to divide sermon
into too many heads, for this reason:
that there may be considerable difficulty
on the part of the congregation in find
ing ears for all of them. vss.-
CLARA (bathing against medical or
ders) )-"O, dear, there's the doctor on
the cliff What shall I dop' Laura
"Bob your head under water He'll
have passed in ten minutesp
THE DOG.
The dog who loves to bark and bite
Who sleeps all day and barks all night
(Oh hit him with an aerolitei)
OF him / write.
He lives life of languid ease
He sometimes loves to bark up trees
He hath his idiosy ncracies,
And likewise feas sz.rH
THE ghost of Noah Webster came to
spiritual medium in Alabama,
not long since, and wrote on a slip of
paper: "It is tite times" Noah was
| right, but we are sorry to see he has
gone back on his dictionary. s,a.
| A YOUNG man met a rival who was
somewhat advanced in years, and wish
| ing to annoy him, inquired how old he
was? "I can't exactly TELL" replied
the other, "but can inform you that
an ass is older at twenty, than man at
sixty" @
The United States Supreme Court
has decided that life insurance compa-
nies are not liable in cases of suicide, if
| their policies contain a clause exempt
ing them from responsibility in case the
insured commits suicide, whether he be
sane or insane. =-H
! WOMAN is a trustful, loving, confid
ing angel, but she shakes her confidence
terribly when her husband comes home
at one o'clock in the morning, carrying
dozen mess mackerel on string, and
huskily explains that he has sfbeen out
1uf-hic! fishing" @
'1wAs born in Bath" said dirty look
ing customer, as he harangued crowd at
a political meeting, "and | love my native
place." ' You don't look as if you had
ever been there since," said one of his
hearers, as he proceeded to land an op-
position candidate.
Two men met on the piazza OF the
Railroad Hotel, at Lincoln, Nebraska !;
one claimed that Nebraska was ali a
good country, or shonld be; q all it
lacks" said he, " is good society and
water" "My good lordl' says the
other, that is all HI lacks"
LOUISVILLE Courier-Journat: A let
ter in a Philadelphia paper speaks of
the death of 8" an artificial India rubber
toy maker" This rather beats the
steam man, and it is certainly a pity
that such an extraordinary person could
not have been kept alive.
AN invalid Frenchman who hired a
horse every evening from livery stable
particularly desired the hostler to see
that the horse had nothing to eat for
dinner. " Because" he remarked,
L" Monster le Gocteur he say / mus tax ze
gentle exercise on re empty stomach"
AMATEUR sportsman returns in tri-
umph from days shooting, with q
splendid rabbit, and says to his wife
'tThere, you said couldn't shoot You
didn't expect to see me bring thi;
, home?'' ayes, did; the servant next
, door saw you buying it around the cor
, ner."
: The theology of childhood is some
E times very suggestive. A little hvc
' wear old could not quite understand why
: the stars did not shine one night wheI
the rain was pouring down in torrents
| She stood at the window pondering OF
the subject with as much gravity a
!. Calico when he looked at the swingin!
1 lamp in the Cathedral of Pisa, and will
equal success, for all at once her counte
nance lighted up, and she said
8 " Mother, KNOW why the Sesas w"
= shine. God has pulled them all up $
o as to let the water come through tn
o holes"
9 LITTLE Mary had ride in an elevs
:. tor, and when she reached home the TO
lowing interesting conversation too
place: Little Mary, (breathless wit
excitement, )-Oh, mammal had rid
in a crocodile. Mother-In what, m
child? Little Mary In crocodile