The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1877-02-12
Uncle Ben. On Matrimony

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sand what of an ugly, ill-tempered
man?' said Bob.
"A man you can fog, sir" said Uncle
Ben; "but a woman, SRA woman may
tongue You to her Aearps content, and
what can you dOW
"Crnoline's her coat of mail, / sup
posep' said Bob.
"Not at all, boy" said Uncle Ben. "Sex
Is her coat Of mail, her grand protection,
and she knows it. Behind this shield,
when the fit is on her, as she takes the
notion, she tongues or cOwhides her vic
tim with impunity. You see, Bob, a man
must get lost to all self-respecG before
| he can lift hand to woman. He must
forget his mother was woman, and
when he has done that but little Will he
care for neutrality-suspicious. little, sir,
tell you. A man that is man, may de-
| iend himself against man. But graz
oous heavensl Bob, what defense has
he against an angry woman? Who
would think .of contending with fair
lecturer on female suffrage, Tor instance?
| Certainly no man in sober senses2 Ana
there's Jane Swissnelm and Miss Stan
Iton, and others that might be mentioned.
He'd be hardened, imperturbable iei-
How, Bob, that wouldn't wilt beneath the
ire of any one OF these strong-mlnded
women"
"BaL why provoke TO ire, Uncle Benw
| "ProYUke 10 irel Boy, tel you, when
| n man gets tied TO a woman Of tllS class,
| from that mumtnnt he must have no will
| of Ills own; and what's poor fellow TO
lido, VINO has been accustomed to express
AN opinion, and tO have his own way in
the world-at least, some e.imes-Wnat's
he TO d"P
-"Duf Why, take his own way still"
"How?" said Uncle Ben.
"Let him run away" said Bob, "if he
can't stand fire. The only thing left for
him 10 do, as see."
"And perhaps the best" said Uncle
Ben. "But, like the men who 'caGcued
"a Tartar II he can'G get away, WhaL
then? If she won't let him get away,
what then, my fine fellow p
"Its a fix" SAID Bob, land in that
case, IsuppOse, he must grim aud bear
lIt."
"Grin or no grim" said Uncle Ben,"he
Ihas got to bear it,"
"Pd let the cantankerous vixen rip"
saiu Bob, "And treat her TO silent cVn-
Tempt"
"5ilent fiddle-strings said Uncle
Ben; Show green you are. Silence, sir,
only provokes the ire OF brawliug wo-
l
lido. You might appease her somewhat
liby getting as angry and boisterOus as
Inerselt, but in NO other way need you
ltry to deprecate the, tempest. OF Wo-
Iman's wrath. Poor Herrick-you re-
member HerrIck, Bob?-Dany's tue tale
he told you oil the 'Faderland,' wAen
YOU were boy. Herrlck used to take
ms irow on this tack OF Tit Tor LaL.' He
used 10 say: When mine Vrow pegins TO
VIre up, ius5 tuen l pites mine lap, and
looks Laggers. And Vehn she Vags hur
dongue, ike duuder clap, den / juss
lyags mine dongue, doc, ike fodder dun
der clap, piger am piger! Py and py,
nur dumder lies away, with ''Yahl yaul
Herrick, Herrickl' Den Gums de dun.
luer shower, and after that de pright
tay, and tlngs as goot as tuuder new
Yedding!"
"Jolly times they must have had of it, y
said Bob.
Jolly tornadoesl' said Uncle Ben.
l"Fire and fury nIgnt after night, and
lday after day-jolly times with ven
lgeance, that Bob. But she conquered
MIN al last, poor fellow"
Broke has hear, perhaps his head,
or both," said Bob, Sat one fell sWoUp,
the 'tarnal vixen"
"Moots just Lnat," said Uncle Ben, "she
IRON day to day, I'LL sick of contention.
in hL OF frenZ,ed madness, he slipped
the matrimonial noOse' stiiled lies
ltittul. 1ever,' and slept the sleep that
knows no Waklng' Herrlck, like many
of his countfymen, was dreamer. His
ideal lulure he pictured to suit his fau-
cy, and LIred Ol eternal strife and dis
cord in this world, thought, perhaps, he
might do better IN the next. Alas, poor
herrickW .,.. ~
"Alas, poor HerrickW said Bob; "that
was indeed a sOrroWlul ending" ...
"My dear boy" said Uncle Ben,
"there's no surety aglp such endiDgs.
but in Single tiessedness.'
"Uncle BenV
"Fact Bob. Bachelors hall. is the
only ark of saiety-nO danger there"
"IJncle Ben, you don't mean it? You
don't mean tO say that every man tnat
perpetrales matrimouy is in danger oil
perDetrating suicideY .,..
mot exactly that, Bob. But / do
mean to say that bachelors run no risk
of being driven to eXiremities by the
clamorous tongue OF heartless, ill
tempered women. Bachelors hall, sir,
is an ark OF safety. No matrimonial
lthunder-claps thefe-nO dlscord,
clapper-clawing strites-go out and
come in--rise up and lie doWn-laugh,
sing, dance or play, as the spirit moves
YOU; no one to find lault. That, Bob, is
| ;single blesseuness.' Ain't it beauti.
fulW E @
, every" said Bob, rather dryly; "but
one has it all TO ones self. am afraid
Uacle Ben, l should never be able to en-.
hoy such solitary sort OF bliss" -
IL "Solitary, sir? Do you call my house
, or my life solitarys Don't you see car
haye as many friends as PVe mino
toW .,... ..,..-y ...l-
"Yes, yes, Uncle Ben, the rich have
! many trends; but let riches take unto
themselves wings, and flee away as an
eagle towards heaven, the friends, too
,. PIN afraid, would quickly take wing,
and fly away aiso-not, perhaps heaven
ward--Lhe friends of Mammon are not SC
fond of soaring in that direction.
! "Bob, you're pathetic, you speak likt
an oracle. Sorry, sir, can't persuad,
s YOU to live a lie Of Single blessed
! ness.'"
"Uncle Ben, you're not like the Apostle
Paul" -e...
q "Like the Apostle Paul. ehS Was no
q paul bachelor, sir? and did he not