The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-11-24
30 FEfE TENDEN.
TURN TABLES.

Jake Schmartwcid had been reading story
in the newspaper, Gt was probably the DIN.
6,py Ners) and, rs 1t exactly conceded with
his views of life in general and many little en-
trils in particular, he determined to test the
practical value Of the suggestions therein con
tanned, Accordingly, while our branch Of the
"Womcn's Foreign Mission were pleasantly
discussing ways and mcans,-hi> wife, be il
noted, WAS not of the number; She never at
tends mission meetings, nor any other meet
ings, ms far rs | know,-as We were getting
warmed to our work, in walks Jake unannOun-
ccd We AL thought from the unusual conde-
sccnsion of his manner that there were break.
ers ahead, for more than one Of Us went to
school with Jake and knew that on the morn.
ing when he entered the Schoolroom with "A
smile more aflcctonatc than usual, we had
special reason to keep sharp eye for pins in
the seats or wasps in the dinncrpails
"Ladics,' he began, majcstIcally waving
aside the seat placed for him, hearing Of your
very benevolent designs in bchalfof the dwell
crS nj the antipodcs and knowing how hard
the times are-to Use 4 wcllworn phIa>c--I
thought Il little of my money might be- It, GOOD
as another mans to help bridge the stream of
financial difficulty"
While the orator paused and solemnly look
cd about to note the effect of his words each
sister cast rcproachiul ganccs at all the rest
How had it been possible for them So to mis-
Judge this man-this marvel Of forgiveness
this angel entertained unawarc,: But the mir
aclc was about to utter another divine sentence
Therefore, propose TO place the sum of
fifty dollars at the disposal Of lhc society, sub.
jcct to one little condition merely the affirm
alive answering by the ladies present of three
questions, which | will proceed to PROFOUND,
with the permission of thc-you have chair
--ahCul. woman, suppose"
Now had been appointed to that position,
much at variance with my inclination, and for
no earthly reason that can imagine. If not by
putting me ont of the way OF temptation, to
render more kccpable our firm resolve to adj
nit no gossip duringth meeting. Imadc my
self visible To the hero and informed the meet.
ing that u motion was now in order; which
motion being made and unanimously carried,
the questions were laid before Us ~ follows:
Can any five ofyou truthmly declare, lst,-
That there were no buttons missing from their
husbands attire when doomed this morning :
sd-That he has the pleasure of wearing
whole socks at least two days out of scvens I'd
That there are no holes in the stockings now
upon your own feet. I'll no; he hard upon you,
ladies, being perfectly satisfied ifeach question
he answered by any fivc-not requiring that all
be answered hy the same FIVE"
A. might he expected, this insult was RI.
ceived with indignant silence. and that old
hypocrite stood there smiling like triumph
ant donkey. lnstinctivcly turned to Libbie
Cosgro, ncighbof of Jakc's. and felt that |
had the David for this Golah With due for
mality, my armor WAS bucklcd upon her,
pleading indisposition in excuse. and Libbie
began 10 pclt him:
II have M doubt usl : large majority Of
ladies present, could, if they would, snswer all