The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1877-12-13

htey knocked him down, they BACKED
his eyes, they bloodied his nose, they
dragged his hair out by the handful.
they tore the clothes off his back, and
they finally kicked him clean out into
the middle of Second street, where he
set down amazed and paralyzed, look
ing as if he had been struck by light
ming and then run through a thresh-
ing machine. 1t took him two hours
to recover the equipOise of his mind:
and then he started off on foot for the
rural retreats of Castle Rock, a sadder
and good deal wiser man.
The incensed convention had not yet
returned into the store when their at
tention was arrested by the sound Of
martial music. They looked down the
street and gorgeous panorama pre-
sented itself. First came brass
band, in a wagon, covered with flags
and flowers, playing. 'See the con-
quering hero comes; behind them
was magnificent carriage drawn by
six white horses, with OutriderS: two
negro drivers sat on the front seat,
gorgeous in gold livery: and two ne
gro footmen hung on behind, covered
all over with lace and embroidery; in
the carriage sat large. raW-boned
man, with Il sinister expression, and
features that looked as if they had
been cut out of q hickory log with
broad-aXe. by some apprentice who
hadn't yet learned to handle the axe
with either taste or skill. He wore
major generals uniform. a feather in
his hat two feet tall, and epaulettes on
his shoulders the size of frying pans.
He was altogether rs gorgeous a spec
table as has appeared in America since
the British troops withdrew at the
close of the revolutionary war. Be
hind the carriage came a body guard
of cavalry; behind these park of fly
ing artillery, and the procession was
concluded by two trumpeters who
cried out together, every few minutes.
This is the great General lie Due !!
commissions of Agriculture Of the
United States of America "A bigger
man than old Grant >
Whoever shall these boots displace,
| Must meet Bombastes face to tace
5 und trumpets sound.
And then they made the trumpets
blare until the street rang again.
/ The convention stood astounded..
WHO is that I" said one.
1T must be the Angel Gabriel
was the reply.
Looks like one Of the Younger
brothers, said third.
Il tell you its the Russian Car
said a fourth.
Its Ben Butler.' said another.
Better call out the police" SAID
one.
"And the fire department, sale
another.
But John Byers had gone up close
to the splendid apparition and, with ;
look of disgust on his face, he turned
to the crowd and said.
"Why its only Bill Duck y
Bill who =
bill LIE Due
ooh! ali! um!' responded thu
crowd, sis that all. =
An inqulsitive Norwegian from
Eureka took Byers aside and said:
us he q general =
Yes said Byers, "a general b,
breret"
! = W Hal ID llIdt
"That means that you call him
general because he isn't one.
| ..Oh, l see," said the Norwegian
! .sdid he command in any battles -
NO"
, did he fight any!'
No
What did he dog
) HE dealt out bareback and por
: to the soldiers; he was in the con
t missary department.
"Why did they make him genera
2 by--by-by--that thing what you ca
' it -
7 Because the war department sal
J, his charges were the most terrific eve
!. seen in the whole course of the wa
!. they beat Sheridan and Fitzpatrick an
j Jeb Stuart and Forrest.
G Ibid he charge the enemy
r NO; he charged our side"
.Ah. | see'' said the Norwegian
d .sthen it would have been better fl
a sn if he had served the other side
J. Eyes"
/. .sWhat is he now p
G .sHeis Commissioner Of 4 gricultu1
n at Washington.
4 ''Does he know anything abo,
9 agriculture !"
:: Not a thing
). How did he get the place -
i He went TO school with the Pres
e dent
Q "Ah. [ see. said the Norwegia
t and then he remarked meditativel
I this IS queer country and he fe
o back in daZed condition.
e In the meantime the general hf
t jumped out of his carriage and, in
e voice louder than the trumpets curse
the negroes. and ordered around tt
q guard and. id the band, and believe
5 at the trumpeters, and then rnshe
a headlong into the store, knOckir
I down half dozen delegates. He toe
/ Charley Bakers place and poundir
b on the table cried out:
It "The Convention will come to o