The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1877-01-04

/ SOLEMN FACTS.
i 1t Is this lazincss between meals
that is running the country.
The newest article made Of iron Is .
'cast-iron grandmother" not term
Of reproach, but \ machine for darn
ing hose.
Huron" il the name Of new ter
ritory organized out of y present portion
Of Dakota.
Next to throwing kittens into .
mill pond the saddest sight is that Of
. lady at . church fair drowning two
or three poor little oysters In gallon
of thin milk.
The Chinese are the most silent of
all the races of mankind, and account
for this taciturnity on the ground that
they never mind anybody's business
but their own.
Abel Gage and wife, Of Pelham, N.
H., have recently celebrated their
golden wedding. They have always
lived on the farm where they were
married fifty years ago.
A man who jumped overheard re-
Gently to save his wife from drowning
has explained his action satisfactorily
to his friends. He said she had good
deal Of jewelry on her person and gold
was high.
A clergyman in Northern Indiana
assembled the pulpit the other Sunday
and said: "No man can serve the
Lord while he has the jumping tooth
ache. therefore dismiss the congre-
CATION"
Henry said she sharply, rs they
passed a lonesome corner on the
boulevard, "do you want me to come
out Of this sleigh-ride with my hat
looking as though it had been run
over by an omnibus?'
A child had been taken to funeral.
On returning home it said, Mother,
who was the men holding the corps?"
"Pall-bearers, my love" "When !
grow up I'll be pall-bearer."
"Why?" $50 I'll he buried last"
Speaking Of Shaving" said pref
ty girl to an old bachelor, II should
think that q pair OF handsome eyes
would be the best mirror to shave BY"
eyes, many apoor fellow has been
shaved by Them" the wretch replied.
Some months ago an Oregonian nam.
ed his girl baby Queen Victoria, and
wrote to the Queen to that Effect
not hearing from Her Majesty, he
changed the child's name to Hannah,
and went out and pounded the first
Englishman he met.
Two young brothers may be devot-
eddy attached to each other as were
Damon and Pythias, but you will
never hear Of one snatching the scut-
tie from the hands of the other and
insisting upon going down cellar to
bring up the coal.
Oyster stews at church sociables and
similar entertainments will this
winter he cut lower in the bowl than
usually and be tucked and gathered
more. Four oysters to three stews
will be ample. They should be cut
bias and trimmed with the material. |
Oars gwine to be wah," remark ed
! citizen, IAN all ye niggahs mout
e's well git ready for active business
Which side shall we take?" asked |
one OF his hearers. "You niggahs can
take je's what side yer want; Use
gwine to take the Canada side!"
A locomotive engineer, who had
just been discharged for some cause,
gave vent to his spite by saying that
1t was about time he left the company
anyhow, for the sake az hiis life, "for |
mere 49, nothing left OF the track but
two streaks of rust and the right of
way"
Let Turks delight to howl and fight.
for tits their nature to: let Bear and
Lion growl and bite, for madness
made them so. But, Yankees, you
should never let your angry passions
rise, don't quarrel; trade, work hard,
lie low, and forward the supplies"
The Utica Herald says that young
woman in that city who had inordate-
ly big ears, but otherwise was pretty,
came to New York and had them cut
down by skillful surgeon. The OPP
GRAFTON was successful, and now the
ears are small, Symmetrical, and not
badly SCARED.
A correspondent says of Vanderbilt:
The old railroad king, with the iron
constitution and the iron will, is grad
ually wasting away. His legs have
dwindled away to the size of an arm.
His removal is only matter of time.
His reticence is gone, and he talks in
cessantly. He has changed internally
AS hluch a. he has outwardly.
Henry Fawcett, NJ. p, the famous
English Radical is now forty-four and
has been blind for nearly twenty
years. As is usually the case with
those deprived of one sense, the Others
have been rendered more acute; and
he can recognize the voice Of any
member OF Parliament in debate as
readily as another member could the
face.
American girls are gradually an
nexing the British peernge. Mrs.
Ives, daughter of John Lathrop
Motley, the historian, was married
last Saturday to Sir William Vernon
Harcourt, NJ. p. for Oxford, in West
minister Abbey. If we remember cor
rectly, another daughter of Mr.. Mot
ley was married few years since to
great grandson of Richard Brinsley
Sheridan.
The liquor law of Vermont is rigor-
ously enforced. 1t provides that ev-