The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1877-12-13
WHOLE NO. 10


ton to tell you what to do. Ruthy
didn't want me to leave, but w. K.
will run things while I am gone. w.
X. and | are the government. The
snallOW-pated newspaper men talk
about Hayes policy. but confidential
ly, gentlemen, it is my policy. The
present state of political affairs is
the result Of my splendid strategy.
lt equals my management of the Has
tlngs and Dakota railroad. 'Ruthy,'
sad |, to the president ito demoralize
the enemy you must first demoralize
your own fcrces.--If you want your
enemy to kill himself, first cut your
own throat, and then, under the con-
tagion of example, he will cut his
throat. You see! AS long Ruthy.'
said |. as the Republicans present a
solid front to the south so long will
the south remain solid; but set the
republicans 20 fighting each other and
then give the offices ito the Democrats
and you will split them to thunder.
And 1T is working splendidly. We
havn't a reliable republican state left
in the north to-day except Minnesota,
Massachusetts and Vermont, and
there ism any republican party left
south of Mason and Dixons' line, out
side Of the penetentiary; and not it is
time for the work of disintegratOn to
begin in the Democracy. And w. X.
says SO too.
But Ruthy begins to get uneasy,
gentlemen. He isn't equal to the
emergency. 1t was great mistake.
| ought to be in his place. He says
he can t see how you can build up your
own party by destroying it.
And then Tom Howes has been writ
ing him letters, stating that | know
nothing about agriculture.
"Bill' says Ruthy, to me the other
day, ''Tom Howes says your farm in
Nininger is a shocking looking piece
of property:-that the fences are all
down, and that it isa disgrace for the
Commissioner of Agriculture of
great nation to own such farm
'Ruthy,' says ''Iwill punch Tom
Howes' head, He don't know what
he is talking about. | keep fences
down for purposes of ventilation.
You see the great German chemists
have demonstrated that the larger
part OF the crop is derived from the
atmosphere. Now you want the
land to get full supply of Oxy-
gen, hydrogen, carbon, ozone and the
triangulated extract of coSmic ether,
to unite with the silica, the carbon
ates and the turpentineous and super
ciliOvs elements of the soil. This
makes the crops. New lands are rich
because they havn't been fenced; old
lands are exhausted because they
harnXhaan fanna1 Vantila+inn "
dear Ruthy, is the great need Of ag-
riculture in this 10th century. In
: fact, may say, | need ventilation
! myself
Ruthy seemed relieved. But said he,
"Bill, this Tom Howes says you keep your
cattle half ed:-that your cows look like
hat racks, and your horses won't cast q
shadow"
q "Ruthy,' said l. ''see the ignorance of this
world | am developing a new breed OF
cattle and horses "a breed that will survive the
] full administration of your financial policy
That policy means starvation. Now when
the fat beeves have all persisted in this land
:, shall lead forth my lean kline; a stock ,Ruthy
which even contraction cannot contract
heir noble frames will survive as evidences
OF w hat your wise financial policy has brOugh
a the people of this country to: they will stand
your monument and mine for future ages u
contemplated
Ruthy grasped my hand tenderly and tear
stoodin his noble eyes.
Zone point more, BILL said he. "thi
same Tom HOwes says that you imported :
jackass to breed mules from, and that whrr
the farmers bring their mares to him, to b
k miscegenated, the jackass contemplates then
;. from distance in a platonic, philosophc
not to say contemptuous manner, and theI
turns tail and walks off, leaving them insult
nd md nrtfr md 4T...~ l.
II says that man who will own such a iackas
as that isn't fit to be Commissioner Of Agri
4 culture OF the United States
- Now Ruthy," said l. "look here VIVA
is your great theory, endorsed by Wall stree
I. and the whole crcumcised world, is it no
III that all the troubles OF our country are cause
by OVER PRODUCTION-over- production q
food, clothing, fuel metals, mules am
people,
= THAT jackass stands Ruthy, rs THE GRKA
- TYPE or YOUR POLICY. He is opposed 10 tn
u over production of mules. For the good &
his country, knowing that | am Commiss
sioner Of Agriculture, he fOregoes the uslta
sentiments of jackass He ~ patriot.
- is fit to be Commissioner OF Agriculture him
70 self!
"Instead OF being traduced by Tom Howe
IL Il will punch Toms head y he ought to
brought to Washington and placed in fror
of the Treasury Department, 90 that ever
cabinet officer and congressman and cler
;; could contemplate him.
y Here Ruthy embraced me.
"Ruthy," said |, lone thing more. Civ
~ me full power and viii soon put stop
y, this over production, which is the curse
Ill our beloved country. Say the word Ruth,
and. followed by troop Of assistants. arme
I'd with sharP-kniv will 90 out, through Il
length and breadth OF this land, and''-
q Here there was an uproar at the door an
III the General rushed out. The horses we.
he pranclng and the General knocked down
al driver and kicked a footrnan and told IN
ri trumpefers to repeat their chant little londe
- and then strobe back and renewed his speed
while from the outside came the hoarse or,
-. hoover shall these boots displace,
u Must meet Bombastes face to face,
Sound! trumpcts sound ~
T. CONTINUED IN OUR NKxT.f