Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-01-25
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
NEVER postpone happiness.

dogs.
THE king of our childhood's days
spanking. 10
WHEN is doctor most annoyed? When
he is out of patients.
You can't buy Death off He doesn't
even care for 500, 900, 600.
WANTED to know-the exact length of a
rope used when man is I" tied to time"
A GOOD deal more than half the family
troubles of this world are brought on by a
surplus of mouth.
"I NEVER did like mutton with capers,"
Brown said, as he brushed his clothes after
an attack from ram.
YOUNG AMERICA is on the rampage in
San Francisco A son has sued his father
for damages for whipping him.
A DENVER journal records a case where
Chinaman was frost-bitten from this
cold world into the rosy future T
SPREAD of American ideas. Younr
Arabs now greet the traveller in Egypt with
the familiar salutation, Black your
boots"
THE new system of transmitting sound
by electric telegraph enables man to tele-
phony story to his friends long distance
away ... a.t.s.-. fsa
f. SOME nice French male idiots of fash
ion, in Paris, wear gold bracelets, and a
few London swell fools are adopting the
same style. - -
WHEN proposing to a widow, the ques-
ton whether her first husband is dead or
divorced should be put as delicately as
possible.
EVERY man stamps his value on himself
The price we challenge for ourselves is
given us. Man is made great or little by
his own will.
THE torch of science reveals the beau
ties of nature, but when held close to a
woman's face, it too often reveals only the
beauties of art.
BANKRUPTCY in England is profitable to
somebody. In a recent case the assets
were eS99 and the expenses eS66, leaving
e33 to be divided among the creditors.
In the Arctic expedition to Nova Zem-
bla the Swedish corps of skilled observ-
ers has discovered a score of killed OBJ
servers-victims of the severe winter.
A WOMAN at Newark, N. J :, recently at
tempted to split her tongue in two. The
ambition of woman in what might be
called a lingual direction will, it is to be
feared, never be fully satisfed.-St. Louis
Republican. IL. -0i4 -e..
SINCE the Boston man ran into leather
store and rushed upstairs and was found
trying to hang himself by the clerk who
followed him, the leather merchants of
that city hang up notices: "No suicides
admitted here"
MANY farmers boy goes into some
city and struggles along until middle life,
with nothing to show for his labor except
that he has thoroughly learned that half
starved lawyer is less to be envied than a
well-fed farmer.-ErcAdnge
MANY women Scold at a mark, and so
accurate is their aim that they will knock
all the good resolutions ont of man in
three minutes, and leave him doubled up
over the aching void where his manhood
ought to be, like a small boy who has be-
come the sepulcher of green apple
Rome (N. " Sentinel.
Now is the time to make good resolu-
tions for the new year-especially in the
morning, when you find the collar-b button
from the back Of your shirt is gone, all
the pins bend up double, and your wife
calls up the stairs to say that breakfast is
cold, and how much shall she pay man
for shoveling off the sidewalk.-C0mmer-
eidL Bulletin.
a YOUNG woman recently answered al
advertisement for dining room girl, and
the lady of the house seemed pleased with
her. But, before engaging her, there were
some questions to ask "Suppose, said
the lady, "now only suppose, understand,
that you were carrying a piece of steak
from the kitchen, and, by accident, should
let it slip from the plate to the floor, what
would you do in such a case?' The girl
looked the lady square in the eye for
moment before asking: g Is it private
family, or are there boarders ?'' " Board
ers,' answered the lady. "Pick it ur
and put it back on the plate,' firmly re.
piled the girl. She was engaged.-Sat-
urda1 Night.
YESTERDAY afternoon two men engaged
in an angry dispute on the street, during
which one shook his fist beneath the 9th
ers nose, and appeared to have worked
himself into fever heat of passion. Just
then little girl, almost an infant, who
had been going by, but stopped, apparent
ly paralyzed by the mans fury, moved
quite close to him, and looking up into
his face, inquired, "What makes you so
tross, mister ?'' 1t was sounexpected so that
the man evidently felt complete revolu-
ton of feeling. Gradually his countenance
cleared, and finally was lit up with a smile
as he patted the little peacemaker's head,
,
the other man altogether, 81 guess you're
right, little pet. San Francisco Posi-.
A BANKER of this city had valuable
COW, which gave large quantity of milk
and was held in high esteem for general
good qualities. All at once the supply of
tactical fluid grew smaller by degrees and
beautifully less, until the yield was scarce
ly worth having. The family were great
ly surprised at this, as the animal was in
perfect health, and in the height of her
season. 1t was hinted that soma person
whose love for milk overcame his scruples
for stealing was at the bottom of the mis-
chief, and that, like thief at night, he
entered the stable where bossy was kept,
and relieved her of the milk. The hired
man was accordingly instructed to watch
for the thief, and his vigilance was re-
warded by most singular discovery. Just
after daylight in the morning, he saw
very large rat come forth from its hiding
place, and, going 20 where the cow was
lying, it stood on its hind feet, with its
fore paws on the cows udder, and, apply
ing its mouth to one of her dugs, sucked
its fill of milk. When it was satisfied,
another rodent took its place, and so on,
until the supply was exhausted, and the
family swindled by the cunning rats out
If thair crnrIv pf tbo