The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-08-11
TURNING THE TABLES.
~ WILLIE WINTER.

GY WILLIE WINTER
One practical Joke has lasted me a lifetime
When anyone invites me now to what Martin
called "a bit OF executive pleasantly" | say
mo, excuse me; | don't believe in pleasant
rv." The fact is, some people have their fun
distributed for them along the pathway OF life
| had mine shOwcrcd on me all in one day
Cleared the whole thing of, so to speak, in one
Job, and have been solemn ever since.
When | bought that box at Scarborough,
and went into the idylliC thing, with dogs and
grapcvincS and pruning knives, believe there
wasn't u prctticr cottage in Wcstchcstcr II
was such a bOwcry and poisoning place, with
its bic, inviting vcrandah, smothcrcd in honey
sucklc and climbing roses, and its cool lawn,
that YOU may he sure that ! had lots Of good
fellows coming up there from the city in the
season They sketchcd, boatcd, whipped the
mountains streams, and loaled on my ycran-
dab in the most princely fashion
One day Martin and SCoitstOppcd at the gate
and pretended to be tramps. | believe they'd
walked all the way up from the city, for they
were covered with dust So set the dogs on
thcm-Nip and Tuck were both with me then
told Angelina to scream for help, and then took
them in, identified them, poured some Rhen-
ish down, and planting them in their right
minds on the vcrandah, accepted their apollo
gics.
| believe they stayed two weeks ! can tell
exactly by referring to the housckeepcr's book
if YOU would like me to he correct They
pokcd about all over the country, pretending to
commune with Nature and make color studies,
but in reality lying on their backs under the
trees, exposing themselves in the brooks, and
making me believe, every other day, that they
had been bitten by rallcSnakcs.
You couldn't get mad at 'Cm. They did
pretty much rs they pleased and ] believe An
gcinc abcttcd them in half their dcviltry. In
one of their ramblcS they discovered, about
half mile up the road, IA iorsakcn rOOkcry,
just upon the edge of Il lane. II was desert
ed old tumblcdown frame house. The win
dows were boarded up. The door was off its
hinges. There was Il green mud-puddlC by its
side Inside dirt and dcsolation had fought
themselves out and gone into an indisSolublc
alliance. don't think there was tt mcancr,
wrctchedcr, nasticr shaniy ON the Hudson The
only grace it had was lent by II sycamore that
lcndcry hid the most of il from the few pass
cIsby.
What do you ,liinl; my two galliauIS pro
poscdg 1t wasn't enough that they should
praise the beauty of the old house, and make
sketches of lis at-holcs and broken down chin
ncy, but they carried me and Angelina off tn
enjoy their discovery That mad Martin stood
there in the road, with his head cooked ON one
side, in rapt admiration, and vowed it was the
most picturesque pile he'd ever seen. They
made me sit down ON what had been portion
of a pig-pcn, and they divulgod To me one OF
the blacklist, Cold-blOodedcst schemes that even
entered into the heart of malign monster
Let's hire the place. says Scott, and in
vite White Tyson and Brown Glover up ~ see
u.s.
We all looked At each other in silence mo
mcnt, as the rich pcriidy Of the scheme flashed
through our minds.
If you know Ty-wc always called hin
White Ty. in our familiar mOmcnts-you mus
be aware that he is the most punCtilious snol
out of Piccadilly. He is the fellow who had
three sets Of false teeth, & walking AN office
and full dress set, and who really never cOun
tcnanCed a fellow who violated the iormaltic.
Of artificial life. Fancy the luxury of asking
Ty. TO this placc-Ty. who said things hchnt
his back after eating Col Dunkin's dinner, be
cause there was only one kind of wine
Wen mend the floor, put in broken chat
or two, get IN old pine table and some broker
crockcry," said Scott
Wen point ont the charms of ru,ticity I,
him." said Martin, making "a motion toward
the ash.heap by the side of the door. "Wc'l
swear that, shut out from the rude world il
such cot q, this. with the lakclci'S smiling
bosom at our feet 0Icre hc directed our attcn
lion to the green slough where late the youns
pigs rollcdJ We are content 70 dream the happl
hours away"
Wen rouse him at iuuro'CloCi int then
ing, give him bacon for breakfast drag hin
through the manure heaps, and vow, by al
that's holy that this sort Of thing fill, our soul
with delight" said Scott
The incXprc,sibc and Superhuman hume
OF IT," remarked Martin, will consist in MAX
Ing them come with swallow-tail coats"
No" said Scott, il will consis, ia Ang,
line sitting by the side Of that old door in
rocker, talking about the freedom from cor
veniional restraint there is in the country"
Good heavens" ! said. you don't SUI
pose, gentlemen. that Angelina could hc-tha
| would permit-ihat She can, Why a wC
man cannot understand practical joke"
But they insisted upon it, Scott said The
could have a raiiling dinner ready down AT IN
cottage. and, whel the Joke was all over. "
could treat them % a genuine surprise an
transformation scene. all Tie brightcr and mor
beautiful from Che contrast
Now. put il 10 you dill you ever hear g
anything 70 diabolically, insanely wicked a
this schcincs
DO you knox what | did, Consider IN,
outraged feelings. and think if you can. wha
said 90 Scott and Martin
I'll tell YOU agreed with them.
As remarked before, all ms humor was ex
ercised n one time. II Overcamo me Just then
was idso;ic enough 20 tumble neck and heel