Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-08-10
f. U n !.


ALWAYS ON THE WRONG SIDE.-One
morning party was sitting at the White
Sulphur, and the conversation had fallen
upon the war. Personal "reminiscences was
in order. Each was the hero of his own
breadth escape, and the sequel was
blood and thunder.
Within earshot sat an old grey-haired
Missourian, attentively listening and
turning his cud refectively between his
teeth. At last he spoke:
"Gentlemen, you have all been through
heap, but they haint nom @ you had a
wuss time nor [, LII bet!''
(which side was you on p asked one.
''Nary a side, gentlemen, but had a
very hard time,'' said the old fellow, draw
ing out his cud Of reelection as he proceed
ed,
'sWall, when the war fust broke out I
didn't know much about it. nohow. I was
a studying it out, but L hadn't come to no
Judgement One night my darter. Mary
Ann, took powerful sick. The doctor
wrote script an tole me ter go right oft
and git it, so 1 bridled my ole mar an start
ed. Wall, gentlemen, when got, reck-
en- about three miles from home-it was
monstr'us dark-some one called Halt J.
an halted. Fust thing moved was a
prisoner, an the boys were round thicker
nor June bugs.' SEE I:
'Gentlemens, my darter Mary Ann
@'',
SEE they, .Nt-
"'Darn Mary Ann! Who are you fur
Speak out! Murray for somebody p"
studded mint an SEE I on venture
like sHurrah fer Jeff Davis;!' an they SEE,
as mad as hornets:
81 told he was rebel. Git off o. that
mar!''
''Gentlemens, halnt telIin' you no lie,
Isez, but they took me off that mar, and
buckled me over a log and hit me over 500.
It hurt lie powerful bad; was monstrous
sore. ! mounted my mar and started OIL
hadn't got more nor three miles when
another voice call out Haiti and halted
and agin the boys had me.''
''Who are you fer?' seq they.,,'
'Sez [ gentlemens, my darter, Mary
Ann, is powerful sick, and the doctor
''Darn the doctor! Who are you fur !?
Hurrah for somebody -
Il wasn't goin' to be kotched again so |
just took off my hat, and sez as loud as
could, 'Hurrah for Lincoln!'"
'There, sez they, madden nor blazes, Il
told you he was traitor. Get down off
that MARI
"Gentlemens hahn tellir' no lie. They
took me off that mar an buckled me over
log and jes whar was sore they gin me
500mo'. 1t was monstrous bad. Jesas was
coming into town another called out shalt!'
and halted''
"Who are you fur !? Hurrah for some
body!''
"Gentlemens, I wasn't never agoin' to
be kotched again. I jes says, mister, you
jest be so kind as to hurrah first fur just
this once.'''
ibid ever love another girl ?' Repeat
ed prospective bridegroom. in answer to
the fearful inquiry of his intended. "Why.
darling, of course not; how could you ask
such question ? You are my first, my
only love. This heart knew no Weakening
until the sunshine of your love streamed in
and woke it to ecstacy.' And then he
kissed her tenderly. and went home and
said to himself: 81 must hurry them
things out of the way, right off. or there'll
be row." and he collected together a
great pile of letters, written in all kinds Of
feminine hands, with lots of faded flowers
and photographs, and locks of hair, and
bits Of faded ribbon, and other things, and
when the whole collection had been cram
med into the kitchen CRATE. he drew deep
sigh and said TO himself: "There goes all
that's left of fourteen undying loves; let
7em flicker" .s4
The parishioners of clergyman in
Scotland, in expressing to him their aver.
sion to the use of manuscript sermons
asked. ''What CARS ye take up your bits
Of paper to the pulpit 2'' He replied that
it was best, for really he could not relnem
Der sermon, and must have his paper
''Weel, weel, Minister they retaliated
eff ye Gamma remember the sermon, Their
dinna expect we cam"
An Iowa woman, suing for divorce
put in evidence, the tead-board of the mar
tial bed, which had thirteen bullet holes in
1T, and was at once granted decree.
A Kentucky editor remarks that ninety
nine out OF hundred people make great
mistake when they cut off dogs tail, in
throwing away the wrong end.
Athletic sports for ladies-Jumping at
conclusions, walking around a subject
running through a novel: skipping full
descriptions.