Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-10-26
PLEASANTRIE S.

Jane. it is eleven O'Clock; tell that
young man to shut the front door from the
outside"
Dartmouth students have decided to wear
caps and gowns. A servile aping of Nassar.
where they all wear them especially at night.
Phil. bulletin.
Anna Dickinson had two offers of mar
riage last summer. One of them from con-
gresham. The returns from Gail Hamilton
are not yet received
-Gatherers of autumn leaves in Missouri
are somewhat annoyed to find that all the
best trees are i'll daily use TO cure men Of the
habit OF horse stealing.
Georgia negro preacher to his flock I'VE
have collection TO make this morning, and
for the glory of Heaven, whichever of you
stole Mr.. Smiths sheep, don't put anything
on the plate
Lady with catalogue)-"No 80, Eve
Tempted. ~ Gentleman ldesirous to know
the painters name Who by Z" Lady
Shocked at his ignorance why, by the
devil, of course
You can't pick up the family Bible al this
season of the year without making your wife
and sister scream and filling the room with
scattered ferns and autumn leaves in all stages
of pressedness. Manchester Mirror.
Russian to Turk, who receives bayonet
thrust-''But, my poor Turk you don't seem
TO object Z" Turk-''lt is the first time IL
eight days that anything has gone into my
stomach. "-Paris Paper.
"A Kentucky man who went to the Black
Hills wrote back 10 q local paper saying of
fer u premium at your coming fair for the
biggest fool in the country, and I'll try and
get there III time, and feel confident I'll make
way with it"
Figaro's Iron MASK represents IA school
boy as asking: Papa, what then is it that
distinguishes civilization from barbarism -
''Oh il is quite simple. replies the parent.
Civilization kills its enemy at six Thousand
meters with IA cannon ball and barbarism
chops of his head with a saber."
Three SONS of worthy old farmer and
elder in Fifeshire were quarreling together
about something or other. In the height of
passion one SAID 10 another, Il declare 10
goodness Sandy. you're the greatest ass in
Scotland Come, come said the father,
with rebuke in his .eye, making his appear
ance suddenly on the scene, you surely for
get that Pm here"
Grim Autumn with measured tread,
And buWe and suoW-besprinkl-d head,
Comes on ApAce.
Behold the glowing falling leaves
Behold the gzrnered glowing sheavre-
Behold the stripped and ghostly trees.
And To- the cheerful buckw heat cake
With lordly grace,
Ten thousand ailments in lite wake
Dyspepsia boils and stomach ache
Takes new it, place.
81. Lovi. JourHa'.
A family of Nebraska immigrants passed
through this city yesterday on their return to
Indiana They had suffered everything, and
were in the hast stages of destitution The
man had been compelled 10 part with nine of
his dogs, and the woman was positively
ashamed of her bracelets and earrings. and
she refused to get out of the wagon beclus.,
she tearfully informed the President OF the
Womans Relief Society. her litter was nearly
three months out Of style burlington Hark-
cgc
An freshman being recently on trial in
New York for some ofense, pleaded mot
guilty and the jury being III the box. the
district attorney proceeded to call Mr. Furkisson
as witness With the utmost innocence
Patrick turned his face to the judge and said,
DO l understand Yer honor, that Mr..
Furkisson is 10 be a witness forninst me
again ?" The judge said dryly, 1T seems so"
We'll, thin, yer honor, plads guilty sure, if
yer honor plaise. not because I'm guilty, for
I'm as innocent as a suckin' babe. but jist on
account of savin' Mr.. Furkissons sowl."
Just after the strike, when solomon clos
ed the discussion by telling the sluggard to go
TO the ant the sluggard replied, with know
ing wink, that he had much softer thing
than that AS how ?" inquired that pro-
verbal monarch. Il will start a savings
bank " replied the man of inertia. The mon
arch nodded twice or thrice. and went away
10 get shaved. The next time he met the
sluggard that deliberate individual was riding
in gold-mounted carriage with coachman
and fOotman in livery, and in reply 10 the
monArch's nod he just pulled up to say that
he was going over to Europe for a little while
till the furry blew over. And Solomon went
back 10 his sanctum and wrote, Better is II
handful with quietness than bank book as
big rs a Bible with travail and yexation of
spirit - burlington HGsakeye.