The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1877-12-13
Wit and HumOr.

severe case of hydrophobia by simply
getting on high fence and waiting there
till the dog had gone away.
SOMEBODY tried to excuse liar to DR..
johnson, saying, "You must not believe
more than half he says" cay" replied
the doctor, "but which half1"
"PoRrER," said an old lady to an Irish
railway porter, "when does the nine
O'Clock train leave?" "Sixty minutes
past eight, ma'am," was Mikes reply.
THE Boston Gazette tells of young
man who inquired at Winter street store
for pair of "undressed gentleman's
kids" OF course the female attendants
giggled.
A GOOD little boy who was kicked by
mule did not say naughty words or go
home crying to his mother. He just tied
the mule within five feet of a beehive,
backed him round to it and let him kick
A MAN recently wrote to an official of
the Boston, Concord and Montreal rail
road ''fOr chance to run on the road"
He was told he could "run on the road"
as much as he wished, if he would only
keep out of the way of the trains.
"IT is curious, doctor, that every time
I smoke after dinner have something
dazzling in my eyes. What can you do
for that?" 4'Eh !" said the doctor, with
smile, "don't smoke" The patient was
nonplussed. He hadn't thought of that.
CATCHING A TARTAR.-Governe "Do
hot 7 IF
boy not older than you, who can read
and write we'll, and who has begun
Latin" Ernest ooh, say, what a
jolly good teacher he must have!'-
Punch.
"MARTHA's Vineyards darned Yam
kee fraud" said Western tourist, after
brief sojourn there. "There isn't a
grape grown on the whole island, and
not soul met had ever seen Martha or
could tell me where she lived. "-B0stOn
7'raueler.
JOAQUIN MILLER says of one of his
tangle-haired heroines that she "swept
the lonesome sea-" 1t would have been
more to her credit to have been at home
sweeping the lonesome kitchen or help
ing her poor old mother wash up the
supper dishes.
"WHY," asked teacher in the Baptist
Sunday school, ibid Solomon tell the
sluggard to go to the anti" Because"
said thirteen year old boy, she knew
his aunt would have him at the wood pile
or in the onion bed every afternoon as
soon as school was out"
WHEN pretty young lady and. her
aunt were knocked down by Broadway
stage the other day, some tiashily- dressed
men at once rushed forward and helped
them up. 1t is supposed that they were
gamblers, from the fact that they first as
sisted the young lady, and then 'raised
the te."-New York Weekly.
Two Irishmen were recently looking at
people stretching rope from one house
to another for the purpose of suspending
afther a-doin' at the top of thin houses
therel" Pat asked. "Faith, an it's a SUBJ
marine telegraph they're afther putting
up, l suppose" said Mike.
A POOR tailor, dunning for an old debt,
wrote as follows: Dear Jim This little
account has been standing for seven
years, and think it is high time it was
paid" To which Jim replied, on the
same sheet of paper, while the boy was
waiting: Dear Sam: l don't. And may
a difference of opinion never alter friend
ship"
"OUR own daughter never dances out
of her own set" said a proud dame at
one of those nondescrip pit entertainments
got up at the hotels of certain fashion
able watering place. "Is it blue set or
pink setY" some one asked; and the
good lady colored up and could make no
reply. 1t turned out that this exclusive
person was worthy mate of dealer in
modern china.
BEFORE she could utter the "Where
hare you been till this hour of the morn
ing, anyhowl" which was trembling on
her lips, he said "Bin t'ther miAd-read-
in; bet yer seven dollars / can read yer
mind this very minnit." "Well, you old
fool, what am thinking nowl" she said,
in a tone Of sadness. "Thinkin' of! Why,
can read yer mind like ther open pages
of 'er book; yer thinkin' I'm drunker'n a
billed owl, but yer never was worse fooled
in yer life" She only said that there
must be something in mind-reading after
all, for he had hit the nail right square on
the head.
How He STARTED HER.-A whoop-
bang sort of boy, with feet as broad
and flat as pie Tin trotted through the