St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-06-15
Squibs.

An indulgent father urged an indO-
lent son to rise. ''Remember," said he,
''that the early bird catches the worm.n
What do | care for worms P' growled
the youth ''mother won't let me go
fishin'."
1t was a Duke of Norfolk who con-
suited Abernethy for some ailment, and
was asked whether he had ever tried
the remedy of a clean shirt.
Haven't been well? What's been the
matter then, Betty ?" "Wen, l dunno
whether it's COS Pm fond o. my tay, but
the doctor he do say Pm suffering from
IL bronze kettle affection"
According to the Lawrence Eagle,
they are little personal in the Law
renee City Government "Does the
Council understand the question now 2"
asked the President. ~ did," answer
ed Councilman Sweeney, scratching his
head, ''till you began to explain, but
now don't know anything about it,"
Lady 'And put just tint of car
mine on the cheeks-but not too much,
you know" Photographer: Exactly,
madam, perfectly understand about
as much as yon have on now."-Judy.
Oh, NSHSs save MY NlIG SHOUT
ed man whose wife had fallen over
board in the Hudson river recently.
They succeeded in rescuing her. And
her husband tenderly embraced her,
saying: "My dear, if you'd been drown
ed what should have doneg amt
going to let you carry the pocket book
again"
The Christian Union says that it
makes Il man purer and better to cherish
rejected love. There is more fun,
however, in going off and making love
to another girl.-NOrCich Bulletin.
When yOu see a newspaper article
which promises in its beginning to be
an essay of high merit, it is well to read
it for the profit to accrue from so doing.
But as a matter of precaution, it is bet
ter to glance first at the end to see if
anything is said about two sizes of bot
tles-One for fifty cents and the other
for dollar.-Danbury Ne,os.
An exchange says that the champion
scholar has turned up. Being asked to
sign his initials to a document, lie want
ed to know what "nishalsn were. ''Why
your name being George Gould, you
want two G's." sob, | see,n he said,
and he wrote ''2 Geeze."
''What is bat ~ asks a cOteniporary.
AS far as our education extends, a bat
is thing to encourage cat to get off
back fence, and is composed of half
brick.-NOTristOlUn Herald
A Kansas farmer purchased a revolver
for his wife, and insisted on target
practice, so that she could defend her
house in case of his ABSENCE. After the
bullet had been dug out of his leg and
the COW buried, he said he guessed that
she'd better shoot with an axe.
The war correspondent of the Chicago
Tribune slipped on an orange-peel while
walking down Clark street yesterday,
and was so injured by his fall that he
was unable to furnish cable dispatch
for this mornings paper. The reporter
who sends cable dispatches to the Chi
cagO Times from Turkey was detailed
to report dog-fght at Bridgeport yes
terday. AS a consequence the eastern
war news of the Times will be a light
crop in this mornings ISSUE Ail,Uaukee
Sentinel.
Providence doctor the other day
engaged to teach Il young college gradu-
ate the practical art of healing the sick.
He was called to German who was
down with the delirium tremens, and
asked him his age and business, and
learned that he was a musician and
forty years old. The learned doctor
then told his student that all brass in
struments were so severe tax upon the
players larynx that the throat frequent
iy needed little wetting in the form
of beer or brandy, sad result of which
fact was the patient before him. The
latter was asked what instrument he
played. He answered, 81 blay zecond
viddle most always" The doctor col
lapsed.
A Simpleton, having had Occasion to
seat himself, sat down on a Pin; where
upon he made an Outcry unto Jupiter.
A Philosopher, who happened to be
holding up Hitching- Post in the vi
cinity, rebuked him, saying: 81 can
tell you how to avoid hurting yourself
by sitting down on Pins, and will, if
you will set them up" The Simpleton
eagerly accepting the Offer, the PhilOs-
opher swallowed four fingers of the Rum
that perisheth, and replied, ''Never sit
down." He subsequently, acquired a
vast fortune by advertising for Agents,
to1yhom he guaranteed $77 a Week for
light and easy Employment at their
Homes. MOral.-The Wise Man saith:
''There is a Niger in the Fence,n but
the Fool Sendeth GU so Cents for Sam
pie and is Taken in
A young man from Auburn, who went
to Texas this spring, has telegraphed
home to his father: "Fatted calf for
one.n