The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-01-18
Wit and HumOr.

YOU'VE men minus overcoats preserve
their caloric by free indulgence in
stand-up collars.
CHOW, WAITER, what's to pay9"
"Wh2t have you had, sir?" "Three
fish," SONY brought up two, sir.
81 had three-two trout, and one
smelt."
That meteor last week is regarded by
the Second Adventists as sure sign
that the beginning of the end has be-
gun, but they hold their corner lots at
the same old prices.
IT makes. one sad to realize that all the
train robbers and bank burglars were
once good little boys, and sat on the
door-steps waiting for ma to come home
from the society meeting.
THERE are $4,000 clergymen in the
United States, but even this number
have not succeeded in working the NOR
ais of the community up to that point
where all will pay on crowded horse
Car.
WHEN some one asked Choate how he
was going to avoid the force of some
very ugly fact, and how he expected to
shut the eyes of the jury to it, he re-
Piled, "Why, sir. I shall jump them
right over it.
"JAM1E, why do you not be after the
getting the life of you insured9" can
why should I, my honey9" "Ah, in
dade, that after you are dead aud gone,
you may be sure of comfortable sub
sistence for yourself and sanity"
WHEN a Lexington (Ky.) minister
announced from the pulpit that he had
seen pack of cards and backgammon,
board in the parlor of a member of his
church, several pious 1aen went home to
scold their wives for their carelessness.
SWEET Susie Brown, my pretty one,
Pm sure you must remember,
If not for love at least for fun,
The sleigh-ride in December;
When all the bellies and all the beaux,
In spite of frosts, would go forth,
And squeeze, beneath the buffaloes,
Each others hands, &c.
A LITTLE girl asked her mother {:
What kind of bear is a consecrated
cross, eyed bear?" The mother replied
that she had never heard of such an ami
NAL. The child insisted that they sang
about it at the Sunday school. "No,"
said the mother. is "A consecrated
cross I bear.
AS A Scotch off GER was handing a
summons to a collier, he said, "It's q
curious thing that ye baud me coming to
ye sac often. Can ye no get out O.
debt?" sect out O. debt, Mr.. Turn
bill p said the knight Of the black dia-
monds. "'Deed it takes a. my time and
wit the gettin' into t. am astonished
now ony body can haze time to wrastle
out o. it"
"WAs it nice party asked Mrs.
Whifet, when her daughter returned at
3 a. N. from Mrs. Struggles cat home.
''No, awful, " said the Whifet girl, yawn-
ing and lifting up her skirts to examine
the braid on the bottom "awful, ma {;
the chicken salad was made of veal !;
there was lot of queer sticks there, no.
body was dressed decent, there was no
oysters, the champagne gave out, and
some awkward idiot walked up the back
breadth of my dress as far as the waist,
and then only stopped because he was
too stupid to climb"
ga KISS" says writer, s'is a seal ex-
pressing a sincere attachment
pledge of future union-a present taking
the impression on an ivory coral press
crimson balsam for love-wounded
hearts" We had no idea that kiss,
when dissected, would prove such
simple thing. Imagine young man,
as he bids his girl adieus, on the front
step at 3 o'clock a. NJ, on Monday, dart
ing back, as she is about to close the
door, to snatch some ''crimson balsam
for love- wounded heart" And girl
might ask her lover for some of that
balsam right before the old folks, and
they would think it was a new kind of