The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-10-27
DRIFT IiUMOH.

He packed his valise In his bedroom,
Then carefully raised the SASH
And attached to the well-woln handle
The end of a long whip-lash,
Softly he lowered the treasure,
And thought how the landlord would swear
When he arose in the morning
And found that his man wasn't there.
Slowly the valisc descended
Into the darkness OF night,
When the voice Of the landlord shouted:
Let 90; I've got it all right"
oil Cay Cal.
Secretary Evarts told friend the other day
that he had Just received letter from one Of his
daughters to- this effect: Dear papa: Thank
you very kindly for the donkey you sent me, but
he's SO lonely, Won't you soon be back, papa"
The Rockford savants are quarrclling over the
queer tablet recently unearthed from mound in
that yicinity-One set maintaining that the in
scriptions upon it are indications Of Phallic wor
ship and the other set that they are only rude
heroglyphics, scratched on the stone by com
paratiyey modern Indians. But II is hard TO
settle the dispute as the Indian who did it is pro-
baby dead.
what" asked a youth timidly Of an eminent
philologst, what is the meaning of this phrase;
modus operandi"" And the great lngulst,
whose mind was saturated with the literature Of
ancient Greece and Rome, replied: at is Latin
for how the old thing works."
Mr. Turreen, Of indianapolis, was recently
married, and the Chicago Journal shouts the
complimentary salutaiiOu, Zone good Turrcen
deserves another" -Grdphic. That's souper-
nuous statcment.-B Baltimore Ndrs. He probably
got a ladle-like wife.-Auora Nocs
The Rev. Mr. Swindles, a Philadelphia divine
in the course Of "a sermon against the Philadcl-
phia Saturday Night, New York Wokly, and lit
erature Of that class, says: II know Of no spot
more suitable for the printing Of such papers
than the burning floor Of hell. We should think
our amiablc friend Swindles would see that the
thing isn't feasible. In the first place You could
not get a respectable printer To 90 there 10 work
for thirty cents thousand. Secondly, bc il ever
so humble there's no place like home; but where
would the religious editor sity On the whole, II
must be apparent that the location would be in
convenient for everybody about the Office, cy.
ceptlng, perhaps, the deyil.-hm. Night.
5 CELESTIAL TAKING-oFF
Wong Fong was his name, and you will not
deny,
From the story which follows that he knew how
10 die
In the latest American fashion.
He lived with a dutchman at 80,
On Fourth avenue when he went on this spree,
Aud let the daylight into his stomach.
Some two weeks ago this Wong Fong fell IN love
With Celia Manning, an American dove,
To whom he paid his devotion.
Celia bossed the dishrag in a North side crib
When she gave her consent 10 become Wong's
rib,
And shake her American relations
They almond-eyed heathens heard with emotion
OF Wongs intentions, and hence a commotion,
Which threatened fearful disruption.
And the American girl, quite true TO her nation,
Busted the business all into dominion,
And extended % Wong Fong the dirty shake.
Wong took him a gun, which he placed 'galnsi
his belly,
And .he bullet he fired smashed him clean TO q
And he died at the Dutchman's without con
vulsion,
They folded his pig tail last night with ado
And sat up with a stiff while they played al bang
loo,
And cursed the American nation.