Bismarck tri-weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1875-1881, 1877-09-10

Goldsmith Maid is twenty years old.
. The sun is the oldest and hest tanner.
BOSTON Cnbett is sick and in destitute
circumstances.
A sea turtle weighing 400 pounds is
on exhibition at Newport.
Why is the sun like good loaf?-Be-
cause it is light when it rises.
Gen. Howard's favorite song is said to
be "Not for Joseph, not for Joe"
Why is cat on a gate post like an Or
ange ?-Because it looks (a) round.
Why is sympathy like blind mans buff j.?
1t is a fellow feeling for fellow creature.
Some men are good because goodness
pays the best, some are good for-noth-
ing.
To-day O'Leary finishes his six days
walk at St. Louis against two amatuer
competitors.
Why is sawyer like lawyer Be-
cause whatsoever way he goes down
comes the dust.
Why is man who doesn't lose his
temper like schoolmaster? Because he
keeps cool (keeps school.)
Why are washerwomen silly people?
Because they put out their tubs to catch
soft water when it rains hard.
I State Treasurer Pfaender, of Minn., in
his report of August 31st, shows a bal
ance in treasury of S267,o5o,S2.
4 Why can'ttwo slender persons ever
become great friends? Because they will
always be slight acq uaintances.
The rifle practice at Creedmoor IS de-
veloping some extraordinary skill both in
the American and British Teams.
Why is drunkard hesitating to sign
the pledge like skeptical Hindoo? Be-
cause he IS in doubt whether to give up
the Jug or not
The Sultat1's wives are great gamblers.
They have no love for any literature save
Gen. Schenck's American poems. Their
favorite game is poker.
Dudley Selph, of New Orleans, made
217 out Of a possible 225 targets, and they
talk of putting him into the American
team. But wouldn't that be Selphish?
The Dayton Democrat has seen a
horse in that place eat meat. Nothing
very strange about that We saw "Nig-
ger Baby'' and another pony run for
stake the other day and they even had a
bit in their mouths while doing it.
A German lost his wife and the next
week married again; his new wife asked
him to take her out riding. He answer
ed Indignantly, "You dink I ride out
NIT another woman so soon after the
death of mine frau?"
A brilliant satilite of Mars, an Ameri
can adventurer Osman Pasha, who won
the Plevna battle, now turns out to be a
native of Hawkins County, Tenn, who
was an ex-confedcrate colonel. His real
name is R. Clay Crawford.
"Martha's Vineyards a confounded
Yankee fraud" said a Western tourist
after briet sojourn there. ''There isn't a
grape grown on the island, and not soul
I met had ever seen Martha or could tell
me where she lived.'-B0ston 71aUezey.
IA man named Musick is under indict-
ment for murder in St. Louis He play
ed the dead march with a gun on one
Telling, and now he is behind the bars
taking a rest.-[N. T. Mai. And if
found guilty, Musick will be executed on
one string.
The war department keep the wires
hot with lightning inquiries as to the
whereabouts of sitting Bull, and bring
out the marine band every night to play
for the teneft OF Gen. Terry that old
melody, "Where, oh! where it that dns-
ky chieftain gone"
At midnight in his guarded tent
The Russ was dreaming o. the hour
When unto Plevna forth he went
And boldly played bis bower.
linen starting up like one bereft
By pain or sudden fright,
Remembered that he played the left;
Twas Turkey played the right.
How many common fgurative express
ions in our language are borrowed from
the art OF carpentry may be seen in the
following sentence: 'srhe lawyer filed a
bill, shaved a note, cut an acquaintance,
split hair, made entry, got up a case,
framed an Indictment, impaneled jury,
put them in a box, nailed a witness, ham
mered judge, and bored a whole court
A female Justice of the Peace in Wyo-
ming Territory was obliged to hear case
of a scandalous character, in which her
husband filled the unenviable position Of
defendant. She sentenced him to be
hanged by the neck until dead, and was
anxious to have the sentence carried into
effect at once, until the attorneys explain
ed to her that she was sitting simply as
an examining court She then held him
in bonds of $1S 100000, to await the ac-
ton of the Grand Jury, and said she
would shoot the FIRST man full of holes
that attempted to raise the sureties. 81
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