The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1877-02-08
ALL SORTS.

Speaks v6liinies-The sl00.U00 book TALL
IRE in Chicago.
A Joint Committee-Two doctors work
ing over sprain.
A schooner Of beer carries many man half
seas over.
All quiet OH the Potomac. It's frozen mp.
The Lone Exhibition one out at Fair
mont Park.
One of the most popular platform speak
ers is the car driver who tells his mule to
hurry up.
Vessels we're generally spoken OF as in the
female gender, and lately we have been miss
ing them great deal.
A smart school boy says it takes thirteen
letters to spell COW, and proves it thus: ''See
O double you."
Let us hope for the authors sake, the crit
les will not bestow g harsha treatment upon
the new play. ssOur boarding House.
I'D goes Brooklyn hat factory in the |
flames. Really; the suspense on the Presi-
Dental bet question is becoming unbearab!e.
A little boy came to his mother recently |
and said, q Mamma, should think if were
made Of dust I should get muddy inside
when l drink coffee.'
Wellington, 1t is said, was always fond of
bestowing military names on various arti-
cles. He called his night-gown. we believe,
a napsack.
On church in Delaware, temporarily clos
ed, appears the following notice: mo ac-
mittens in this church unless the pennilty
of the Law is inforced. Keep away"
An Iowa editor announces that the sing
ing school in his town will shortly produce
Haydn's divine oraatorio OF The Crema-
tion.'' Probably on Palm Sunday.
Mrs. Partington expresses her apprehen-
sion that the people of the gold regions will
bleed to death, as the papers are constantly
announcing the opening of another vein.
The skull of Agamemnon, discovered by
DR.. Schliemann, had thirty-two perfect teeth,
which encourages the belief that he never
lived at boarding house.
ssThe Water We Drink is denounced at
some length in the Baltimore Gazette. In
many cases it's the Water We Don't Drink
that hurts US the most.
Capt. Jacks widow and the rest OF the fe-
males of the tribe are fast becoming civilized
in the Indian Territory. They can't stir
abroad without wearing shoes and a panie1,
and having their hair done up IA mode-oc.
y. A theatrical exchange says that at present
there are only nineteen stars in America.
And an eminent citizen who sat down in
front OF the Post office recently got up and
swore there were over a million. But dis
crepancies will always occur.
A good story is told of New Hamsphile
physician who yacinated a family of twelve
and charged sl2. A few days after he took
a dozen cabbage plants in part pay, as he
supposed, but upon final settlement learned
to his surprise. that Mr.. Farmer charged doc
tors prices-.s$l hcad.''
Ismy breakfast ready?" said an impatient
young man who was trying to get his morn
ing meal at beer saloon. Don't you
know said the waiter, 'I'll whistle up and
see.'' "Heavens. no: don't do that, | order
ed sausage, and if you whistle you'll have
the whole lot down.
s'The Art of Projecting" is the title OF {
book just published. 1t will probably find 6
welcome in every editorial sanctum in thu
land, for one of the things an editor mos
desires to know is how to project a newspa
per bore through fourth-story window Oh
down flight Of stairs without damaging thu
window or stairs.
.'Men are like hymns remarked an ex
change newspaper. There are short metre
men, sharp, blunt and hasty; there are Ions
metre men, slow, weighty and dgnified
- there are halleluiah men, mercurial, ferven1
and inspiring; and there are eights-and-sev
ems men, gentle, genial and delightful
There are also some peculiar metres"