The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-03-24

Gentleman on Sheldon street thought
a. having telephone put INTO his mouse SO
as 10 enable him to hold sweet converse
with his bus;nesS-partner; but his aged
mother protested against 1t earnestly:
"Robert,'' she said, "H yeu bring one OF
those dreadful things in here I'll never
close nv ewes for fear it may break out
and sweep us all into eternity, and us not
q bit the wiser" He tried to persuade
her that it was an innocuous instru-
ment. but she said: "No, no; look at the
thousands and millions Of poor Hindoos
itkilled last fall" "Why," said he, "that
wasn't telephone-that was typhoon -
but the old lady lowered her glasses. and,
looking n him over the rims thereof, said
he couldn't fool her; that she mightn't
know much. perhaps, but she did know
that the typhoon was tho President OF Ja-
pan. The gentleman has given it up Us Il
hopeless Chicago Tribune.
There is an ancient deacon who lives in
Postmaster-Generai Keys town, and who
is very good man indeed. When Mr.. Key
went to the railway station there on his
way to Washington he met the deacon, who
besought him pathetically not to 90 to the
capital. "The very atmosphere OF the city
is filled with pollution" said this excellent
deacon; don't go! No honest man can
take Office under Hayes" Mr.. Key. being
still in the bonds Of iniquity. continued his
journey; and it happens that this noble
Democratic deacon is the only applicant for
the postmastership in Mr.. Keys town.
It is related OF the Hon. B. F. Moore,
..the father OF the bar" of North Carollna,
that when Mr.. Clay visited that State ne was
selected to make the welcoming address TO
that statesman. He made great effort IN
its preparation: he called on friend, Mr..
Simmons, in order to read 1t to him.
"Well," said Simmons, ironically. 81 sup
pose You wish me to critlciSe and correct,
being an educated and scholarly gentle
man." "Not that" said Mr.. Moore, "but
to see how it will strike the vulgar mind"
Edwin: The "paleccryStic sea" in its
common occupation is a paleontothonto-
granite paralelezeiotithean accumulation, a
sort of difftised CHRONOLOGICAL biethean
aragramont; in short, a Notwithstanding
clete OF carathian phalanges-a kind Of stuff
they put into soup to make 1t thin.-Er-
change.
Norristown Herald: "The New York
Herald P. !. says Blaine has petroleum on
the BRAIN That's oil we'll enough for a
Joke and although the Senator from Maine
flows freely at the mouth, he is not eight
headed spouter, as may have benzine from
his speeches in Congress-"
"President Hayes" we are told, "wears
paper collars" Paper collars are now put
up in such fancy and attractive boxes that
the President no doubt wears such collars
just for the sake OF becoming owner of the
boxes.-Norristo,on Herald.
A Cincinnati bon vivant, who ate thirty
five quails in ten days, has been complained
OF by his fellow boarders for keeping the
house awake nights whistling /" Bob White"
in his dreams.-Andre,oS Bazdr.
A poor young man remarks that the only
advice he gets from capitalists is "to live
within your INCOME" whereas the difficulty
he experiences is to live without an income.
Street-car dummies: Those railway pre-
sidents who will not reduce the fare to five
cents Bulletin.
Look out now for hopping time. The
Government has appointed commission
to investigate the poor little grasshopper.