The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1877-07-24
A Tragic Practical Joke.


Mine is called Felonnet. Mine, say,
for you have all had yours. Every Que,
at least once in his life, has met with
one Of those little. fat, ruddy, burly
men, with straight, close-oropped hair,
low forehead, gray eyes, broad nose,
puffed-up cheeks, the neck sort of pim-
pie low between the shoulders, the
shoulders In the stomach, the stomach
upon the leg--a sort of a punch figure,
rolling, bowling, laughing, hallooing--
one of those fellows who come stealthily
behind yeu, clap their hands ON your
| head. and cry out, suddenly, "Whos
this?' Who pull away your chair at the
moment you are going to sit down; who
snatch from you your handkerchief just
when you wish to use it; and who, on
these occasions, when you look at them
with an angry air, answer you with
broad grin and stare ofimperturbable
assurance-"A capital JokeW
\ You have had yours: aud mine is
named Felonnet. My first acquaintance
with him was at Rheims. He was a COM
plete adept in his profession, and, as u
regular joKe-player, master OF all the
tricks OF mis- trade. Well skilled was he
| in the art OF attaching piece Of meat
to the bell-rope Of porter's lodge, so
that all the wandering dogs about town
would snap at the tempting bait, ana
awaken the mystitied domestlcs ten
times night. Very expert was he also
at cutting tradesmen's signs In TWO
pieces, and substituting one for another.
On one occasion he took the sign OF u
hair-1resser, cut it in two, and added
the latter part TO that of one oil my neigh
bors. SO that it read as follows: Mon
sieur Robots lets out carriages and
| false toupees alter the Paris fashion.
| But il Nj. Felonnet was not the most
agreeable companion in the city, still
LESS SO was he in the country, where in
deed his presence, to me at least, was
ALWAYS q perfect nuisance. He kne W
how to scatter the hair, adroitly clipped
from q bush, between the sheets of a
friend, so that the victim, before he had
been quarter of an hour in bed, would
become furious with the itching. He
would pierce the partition between two
sleeping apartments, so as TO pass
through it u piece of twine which he had
cuuningly fastened to your bed-clothes,
and then, when he had found that you
we're asleep, he would gently pull The
string until the covering was all drawn
down to your teet. You awake half
frozen--tor Felonnet Always chooses q
cold night tor his trick-uraW up the
covering, wrap yourself carefully, ane
very innocently resume your slumbersi
then Felonnet, gently pulling has cord
lagain strips you naked; again you ar,
he enumbed with cold; and when you be.
gin to utter blessings in the dark, hi:
1etestable voice is heard bawiui
through the hole: "What capita
jokeW
one Of those simplt-mlnded people
whose faces invite mystltication, h
) would.steal from him during his sleel
mis- coat and pantaloons whose dlmen
slons with needle and thread he Woult
contriye greatly TO diminish. lie woult
: then awaken his victim, begging hlm t.
dress himself as soon as possible an
: join hunting party
| The uususpectlng subject of the joke
thus suddenly aroused, would try To pu
} on his pansaloons, out could not get int
J them.
, Good HeavensW eXclaims Felonnet
with feigned astoDishment; 'why, wha
Is the matter, my dear ?-you are ter
ribly sWoilenF'
IAN l?'
| "Yuu are indeed, prodigiously!'
"Do you really mean ltr'
, ~ may be mistaken; but come, dres
= yourself, ana let US go down and hea
= what the others say"
"BuL can not get on my clothes"
"Ah! that's it-yOu are SO putfed uI
1t must be laundering attack OF tn
dropsyV
| And this would continue, the poo
fellow, pale and trembling, Ill vain try
= ing to get on his clothes, until the tol
; mentor, Win u hideous chuckie, Woul
z come out with his famous sentence
"Ha, hal a capital jokeV
e There was one of his tricks which al
4 peared to me to be truly abominable. Ii
ula, ed it upon person reputed to be
brave man, but who was nevertheless
horrible frightened. One night, atle
= getting snugly into bed, this gentlema
8 felt something cold aud Shiny alongsid
e of him and touched it with his foot.
lseemed a round, elongated body. h
placed his hand upon it; 1T was serpel
, coIled upon itsell LII an ecstasy
. terror, he leaped from the bed with
n CIV of disgust and horror, when Felo
. net made his appearance, shaking h
lat sides and roaring out: What a cap
l. tai joke!' 1t was an eel-skln filled wit
8 water that had caused the panic. III
" enraged gentleman would have broke
the head OF the joker, but Felonne
9 throwing a pitcher of water over ii
= SanSculOtl6 Buu0ref, maoe uIs eeCdp
Il yelliug out at tne top OF his voice, -
l. capital joke-a capital jokeW The ma
!, ter OF the house and his guests can
u running in at the outcry, anu with niue
l. difficulty succeeded in paclfying tt
- mystltied man; assuring him that Felo
~ not, though fond OF fun, was In The ma
u u charming good fellow, pleasant BOO
3 companion, and one without whom, e
e pecla,ly in The country, it was impose
bic to uriye away ennul.
Our readess may think, perhaps, tina
!. on The contrary, this man Was one
'l those insufferable Deings who are COZ
- stan!ly inLrudlng upon the pleasur'
y and comforts of others; like dog in
e game OF nine-pin, oyerturnlng with b
q vaws all The arrangements OF your JOY
g and sorrows; more lnsupportable al
"a more diticult to get rid OF than the do
IL tDey he IN ambush to pounce upon 20
and dlsconcert by a wOrd or Irick 81
feelings you may enjoy Oh the proje
VI you intend.
m For my own part, 1 always had
" dread OF the mau. That odlous sml
m forever hanging on those large red II
:" singularly annoy ed me. Sometimes th
I A. tnl I1NkE Il