The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-06-15
FACTS AND FANCIES.
CONVERSATIONAL.

"How's your father?" came the whisper
Bashful Ned the silence breaking;
On hes nicely" Annie murmuTed,
Smilingly the question taking.
Conversation tagged a moment.
Hopeless, Ned essayed another.
Annie, -then-a coughing
ana the question, How your mother2'
"Motheri oh, she's doing fnelvp,
Fleetng fast was all forbearauce,
When in low, Departing accents
Came the climax, "HOw's your parentsgD
THE New Workers, though only Mis-
ters and Esquires, have crests painted
on their carriages and wi;h they were
Dukes.
STUDENTS of Russian history state that
for several hundred years no quarter IT
a century has passed without the annex
alton OF more or less territory to Russian
dominions.
DIoGENEs being asked, "The biting
OF which beast is the most dangerous?'
answered " If you mean wild beasts, It's
the slanderer; if tame ones, the hatterer."
The most northerly telegraph office in
the world has just been set up 1t is at
a Norwegian fishing station named
Gjesvor, little above the seventy-frst
parallel north.
TIE humblest can do something to-
ward making the local paper interesting.
II you cannot be a defaulting bank clerk,
you can, at least, step on an orange peel
and sprain your ear.-ROme Sentinel
NICE uncle Improving the occasion)
-" You see, my dear, you don't gener-
ally call bays pretty but If they are
very, very good indeed they may grow
up handsome" Olive Branch" Oh,
uncle why didn't you be a good boy?"
THE Chicago Journal thinks it is this
way in Turkey: Ii he is a Jew, the
Christians kill him. If he is a Chris
tian, the Mohammedaus slay him and if
he is Mohammedan, the Greek church
people come over and chop him up into
hash.
a YOUNG lady on Embargo street re-
Gently received the following note, and is
heart t-broken: You needn't 'spect ME
to yewr hous no more sunda mites a girl
wat leaves gum sticken on the parlor
chares for feller to sit on amt the girl
for me. JIM"
ooh, heavens, save mywife !" shouted
a man whose wife had fallen overheard
in the Hudson river recently. They
succeeded in rescuing her, and her hus-
band tenderly embraced her, saying:
My dear, if you'd been drowned, what
should have done? / amt going to let
you carry the POcketbook again"
The nest of a humming-bird is thus
described by a Californian: at is
about as large at the top as half dollar,
and is made of spider webs, downy feath-
ers, with fibers of bark and shreds of
cotton, all interwOven. The eggs, two
in number, were about the size of small
white beans, and the young birds be-
fore they were hedged, resembled bum
ble-bees"
STURDY old DIR. johnson said it was n
deal better for woman to paint her own
face than to blacken another wOman's
character. And then he passed his cup
to Mrs. Thrale for the thirteenth time,
remarking that tea was like woman be-
cause it cheered but did not inebriate,
though the strong article was very apt TO
keep a fellow awake nights. The old
savage!
A GUIDE TO BEAUTY.-"1he most
perfect human beauty" says Flaxman,
q is that most free from defOrmity either
of body or mind, and may be therefore
defined the most perfect soul in the
most perfect body" The body must
be animated by a soul in which benev-
olence, temperance, fortitude and ali
other moral virtues preside, unclouded
Dy Vice. NOJnlDg more ueSJIOyS inc
very traces of beauty than brutal fero-
city, revenge, hypocrisy or any other of
the malignant passions.
THE English are somewhat alarmed at
the danger which their great ironclads
would run IN time ofwar from torpedoes
like the Whitehead torpedo. 1t is in
sisted that the British navy should pos
sess the newest and most varied means of
launching torpedoes of every kind
against the enemy The Whitehead
torpedo can be directed against an
enemy's ship 1000 yards, and in partial
darkness the vessel bearing it would be
able to approach any large ship without
danger. The simultaneous attack of
three torpedo boats would thus imperil
the safety of the most powerful iron
clads. Purely defensive measures, such
as enveloping the ship with a skirt Of
wire Iets, must be of little avail. The
best means of defense is to give each
irOnclad a couple of satellites in the
shape Of fast steam torpedo boats, armed
with light guns and carrying the White
head torpedo.