Middletown transcript., 1877-02-24

lst latter repeated the warning signal witt
her eye on Sammy, who at once wal
seized with such violent Ct of cough.
ing that the colonel paused abruptly in
his speech and sprang towards him in
alarm.
my dear boy" CALCULATED be,
"why, what is the matter with you ?"
Nothing. colonel, nothing, sighed
Sammy. 'fYOu we're on the point Of
. committing an imprudence, and
II, an imprudence r.
my wife" deprecatingly continued
Is the muchly-governed husband, "and
her worthy mother and grandmother
object to certain expressions, such as
club. fellow; and you used them just
now. aud"-
"Whew," whistled the colnel. ''ex-
cuss me, ladies'. no offence intended
Allow me to offer an apology, and by
way Of palliation invite you to 20 to the
theatre with me this evening. Choose
anyone you wish, I have compliment
taries to all"
"I should be delighted to accept"
began Sammy, ''if my wife"
II should be only too happy" said
bis wife. eff mother
"a private box, colonel. would be
agreeable for all of us, = said mother-in-
law number one, ''if my mother -
"Humph!" grOwled number two
Dangerous; FIRE might break out,
and where would we be then ? l can
not allow my granddaughter to expose
herself to such peril. We respectfully |
decline your kind invitation
To use slang phrase, that settled
it.
The colonel shortly afterWard took
his leave, and the family having played
a rubber of whist, virtuously retired to
rest at ten o'clock precisely.
The next day the colonel happened
to meet Sammy in the street.
II never would have believed it,"
exclaimed be, after q preliminary slap
on the shoulder, by way Of greeting
"Why the dickens don't you get rid Of
the she-dragons ?"
"Oh, if l only could" groaned
Sammy; II can't poison them, aud
with the perversness Of the female sex
in general. and Of mothers-in-la law in
particular, they went die"
why don't you marry them,
then ?"
"What," rOarsd Sammy; "I-I
marry them. Are you bereft Of your /
senses, man ?" {
.YOu don't catch my meaning |
mean marry them off to somebody, /
anybody. Now, number one is posi- .
lively handsome yet, and in fact wo- !
man in the very natured bloom of her
charms; and number tWo-well, she is i
rather lean and scraggy, and does verge
on sixty, believe, but, for all that, O
the thing is not impossible " 3
"But will they be willing" 7" a
willing my boy They'd jump 4
at an offer of marriage Show me
woman who won't whether she's eigh- Fl
teen or eighty" 4
Admitting all that, colonel" said b
Sammy, seriously, "where am to find
husbands for theR 2" /,
"Let me see" msingly replied the
colonel "HoW much Of an income |,
has number one 2" !,
about thousand a year.
Wouldn't keep me in wine and d
cigars" reHectively murm1red the col
Onel, carefully brushing his battered 81
silk hat with rather threadbare hand r.
kerchief. Nov, if YOU add, say a 4
couple Of thousand to her annuity, Il !.
l would sacrifice myself Oh the altar of st
friendship and take her off your e
hands," n
at shall be done, old fellow, it
shall be done" exclaimed Sammy, de- a,
lightedly. "But only on one condi-
tion"- y
"And that is ?" z,
THAT you produce a husband for
number two" q,
"Humphl that's rather hard; but 1 s,
will try" te
At this juncture an old gentleman, u
dressed in shabby genteel way. and Al
with a decided foreign expression Of
,ountenance passed them, raising his al
hat politely to Sammy in doing so
"Who is he 2" asked the colonel. NJ
"My Wife's music-teacher-Profes-
Ior Won Boyle" On
Unmarried or a Widower?" q,
"a bachelor Of sixty" =
"Hs'll do There's the husband for ha
number two" u
Impossible, colonel. The eprofessOr W, vo
s a confirmed woman hater."
at makes no difference. I'll man.
Ige it. have in my mind a stragetic co
,lan already. It's truly Napoleonic, ba
md must succeed Invite me and the e.,
Professor to ysur house, say for to- ID
morrow evening, and I'll wager one ba
lalf Of number ones income that
here'll be a double betrothal before m,
midnight" !.
The confsderates repaired to a neigh m,
'oring saloon and drank several bump
re- Of champagne to the success of RI
heir scheme, and then separated bp
The next evening the colonel pre-
ented himself at the Dalrymple man r.,
ion gorgsously arrayed in full-dress nj
ostume which be had borrowed on the Nh
trength Of a recommendation from Il.
'ammy, and found the professor in the
arlor entertaining the family with for
ONE musical compositions
The suitor for the hand Of the full
Mrs. Nasby was very
olite and affabls to her, and getting Oh,
he festive widow into the recess Of the
ay-WindsW ardently declared his love
Or her, and, as be had rightly pre- inc
icted, was summarily accepted. bu
$50 much for the first step in his col
lans; but now for the tug of war. bel
How was be to bring about an al SaI
ance between the frisky grandmother the