The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-12-15
VARIETY.

Whatever promises to pay is a favorable owe
men.
Captured battle-fags should be of subdued
cOlOrs.
The money and hair of fool are soon parted
in the middle.
s. My fret purchase is my last" said cobbler,
who had Just set up business.
In what place are two heads better than one ?
IN barrel.
An atrocious Jester advised dropsical pris-
.oner to get g bailed out"
When must Time hang up his scythe? When
he shall be no mower
lie that would put money in his fob, must do
the work or boss the job.
Just because the Esquimaux feed on tallow
candles, exchange calls them Z" light eaters"
In using 50 the best foot forward always use
the right, or it will be left.
Lawyers should sleep well, it is immeatriaI on
which side they lie.
Advice to fish mongers in warm weather
Deal gently with the herring.
Emerson says an eye can threaten like a load
ed gun. He means when cooked, of course.
In carving turkey in the presence of stran-
gers it is breach of etiquette to stop more than
twice to spit on your hands and get a new hold.
Says an exchange: A bad cough makes all
men equal. Yes, that's so. There is no aristo-
cracy when we come to the coughn.
Dynomitt fends-Those who 20 from one
lunch house to another and dine mite in each
place
1t is supposed that Kosciusko fell on Freedom.
or else why did Freedom shrek when Kosciusko
fell
Ara nafT0 H., IL.
old china he was offering for sale, saying it had
already been sufficiently '' cracked up.'
To make girl love you, coax her to love some
body else If there be anything that woman
rellshes, 1t Is to be on the contrary side.
"Did you ever try to read?' asked a gentle
man OF little girl. "Oh yes; l tried real
hard once to read, and in little while | rode -
Says an occasional contributor: reyiyalis,
grocer on sixth avenue displays the sign Hold
the Fort-een eggs for 25 cents He must be a
Layman-
New York city has discovered that it has l6
600 narriageable women whom no bodv want
to marry, and the Sun suggests that some @
them be drowned.
Should the Turkish soldiers at Kars run shor
of rations, they will probably fall back on Mush
which is an only an inch and half distant, OF
the maps.
An Irishman in Chicago says his boardin
house keeper must be chess player, because sh
"pawns !" the boarders, clothes, and gives then
" stale mate.
A clergyman in Indiana assembled the pulpi
the other Sunday and said - No man cal
serve the Lord while he has the jumping tooth
ache. 1 therefore dismiss the congregation.
A sermon in Barbados, recently, was close
thus: My obstinaeious bredren, find it n
more use to preach to you dan It is for grass
hopper to wear kneebreeches
Sc Did they have to make up the hen ?'' innc
Gently asked Smith, in a popular eating saloor
the other morning, after waiting twenty minute
for soft boiled eggs.
Some men can never take joke. There we
an old Doctor who, when asked what was goo
for mosquitoes, wrote back: Z" How do you SUI
pose L can tell unless 1 know what ails tn
mosquito ?''
A California octogenarian had buried thre
wives whose maiden names were Green, Gras
Groze. He stirred up the FIRE with kerosene Il
other day, and now he lies in the cold, col
grave, and the green grass grows about him.
A bashfnl young man, while out driving wit
the dearest girl in the world the other day, ha
to get out and buckle the crupper. and hesita
ingly exclaimed that the animals buetle ha
come loose. @
g 1t is the last straw that breaks the camel
back )" as the fellow murmured when his gi
said she would have cake with her ice cream
and the consciousness dawned upon him that
nad only twenty cents in his pocket.