davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23

10TH PULLIN," is western den-
lists sign.
Spare the crows. They are fond Of
potato bugs for breakfast.
Oysters. fall bonnets, ulsters and empty
castors, are out of season.
We arc afraid the sewing machine man
has to tell just as many lies for S28 as
he used to do for $50. Patents will run
out in time.
A deacon In one of the western cities
told his nephew not under any circum-
stances to 60 fishing on Sunday, but if
he did, by all means bring home the fish.
A livery stable horse fell dead in
Baltimore while going to funeral. 1t
is supposed the driver over.exerted the
animal in trying to keep up with the
hearse.
When man gets on the down-hill
road of misfortune about the only conso-
lation left him seems to be to kick any
other man who happens to be going down
still faster.
A bright boy in the suburban school,
being asked the other day to give an ex-
ample of the comparative and superla-
tive degrees, promptly answered: miss,
mister, mistress"
The model husband has been found in
Philadelphia. He don't permit his wife
to do but half the work. She puts up
the canned fruit in summer, and he puts
it down in winter.
1t is singular fact that the man who
don't believe in advertising, does believe
most profoundly in getting himself and
business mentioned in the local paper
every time he gets a chance without
costing him anything.
A man who lately committed suicide
in Dubuque, left memorandum for his
wife, saying: "Good-by, you old, scold-
ing, red-headed heather !" On reading
it, the widow was heard to mutter 81
should just like to have got hold of him
for one minute %
A young wife demonstrated with her
husband, dissipated spendthrift, on his
conduct. "Love," said he, 81 am like
the prodigal son; shall reform by-and-
by" Il will be like the prOdigal son,
too" she replied, "for / will arise and
60 to my father"
Irascible Old Party-"Conductor why
didn't you wake me as asked you
Here l am miles beyond my station.
COnductor-"I did try, but all l could
get out of you was, 'All right, Maria
get the children their breakfast, and III
be down in about minute"
They were sitting together and he wal
arduOusly thinking what to say, when h,
finally burst out in this manner: "Ir
this land of noble achievements and un
dying glory, why is 1t that women d.
not come more to the front and climl
the ladder of fame ?" IL suppose" sale
she, tying knots in her handkerchief
"it's on account of their pullbacks."
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23

How FAR WILL A GREENBACK Go?
Mr.. Brown kept boarders. Around
his table sat Mr.. Brown, Mrs. Brown,
Mrs. Andrews, the village milliner MIR.
Black, the baker Mr.. Jordan, a carpen-
ter, and Mr.. Hadley, -four, feed and
lumber merchant. Mr.. Brown took out
of his pocket-book a ten-dollar note, and
handed it to Mrs. Brown, saying:
"Here. my dear, are ten dollars tow
ard the twenty I promised you"
Mrs. Brown handed it to Mrs. An
drews, the milliner, saying:
"That pays for my new bonnet"
"Mrs. Andrews said to Mr.. Jordan,
as she handed him the note:
"That will pay you for your work on
my counter"
Mr.. Jordan handed it to Mr.. Hadley,
the -four, feed and lumber merchant, re-
questing his lumber bill.
Mr.. Hadley gave the note back to Mr..
Brown, saying:
"That pays ten dollars on board"
Mr.. Brown passed it to his wife, with
the remark that that paid her twenty dol
lars he had promised. She in turn paid
it to Mr.. Black to settle her bread and
pastry account, who handed it to Mr..
Hadley, wishing credit for the amount
on his -four bill, he again returning it to
Mr.. Brown, with the remark that it set
for that months board. Whereupon
Mr.. Brown, put it back into his pocket
book exclaiuing that he ''never thought
ten-dollar bill would go SO far"
Thus ten-dollar greenback was made
to pay ninety dollars indeptedness inside
of five minutes. Who says greenbacks
are worthless Laramie Sentinel.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23
SOCRATES SNOOKS.

Mister Socrates snooks. a lord OF creation,
The second time entered the married relation;
Xantippe Calorc accepted his hand.
And they thought him the happiest in the land.
But scarce had the honeymoon passed DER his head,
When, one morning, to xantippe, Socrates said;
II think, for a man Of my standing in life.
This house is too small as / now have a wife;
So. as early possible, Carpenter Carey
Shall be sent for to widen my house and my dairy"
"Now, Socrates, dearest" Xantippe replied.
II hate to hear everything vulgarly mv'd
Now, whenever you spOok OF your chattels again,
Say our cow-house our barn-yard, our pg-pen."
by your leave, Mrs. snooks. will say what please
or my houses. my lands, my gardens, my trees"
Say our" Xantippe exclaimed in a rage.
n won't. Mrs. Shocks, though you ask it an age"
Oh, wOmanI though only part of mans rib.
II the story Of Genesis don't tell ib
Should your naughty companion eer quarrel with you
You are certain to prove the best man Of the two.
In the following case this was certainly true;
For the lovely Xantippe just pulled Off her shoe.
And. laying about her. all sides at random,
The adage verihed-"Nil desperandum."
Mr.. Socrates snoOks. AFTER trying in vain
To ward off the blows which descended like rain
Concluding that valor's best part was discretion
Crept under the bed like terrified Hessian;
But the dauntless Xantippe not one whit afraid,
Converted the siege into blockade.
At last. AFTER reasoning the thing in his pate,
He concluded 1t useless to strive against fate;
And SO, like a tortoise, protruding his head
Said, my dearmayw we come out from under our bed 9
"Ha hal" she exclaimed, "Mr. Socrates snooks,
L IN hv
Now. sOcrates-hear me-frOm this happy hour.
II you'll only obey me Ill never look sour"
'Tis said the next Sabbath, ere going to church.
He chanced for a clean pair Of trousers TO search;
Having found them, he asked, with a few nervous
witches,
my DEAR may we put on our new Sunday breeches p
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23
TURKISH INFORMATION.

Sultan-The sovereign of the Turkish
empire-the recognized organ of all
executive power in the state. His head
quarters are at Constantinople.
Porte-The Government of the Turk
ish empire.
Sublime Porte-The official name of
the Government, SO called from the gate
of the Sultan's palace.
Grand Vizler-The chief Minister of
the Turkish empire.
Divan-The Turkish Council of State
the cabinet"
Grand Mufti-Chief interpreter of the
Mohammedan law and head of the "wise
men"-jurists, theologians and hterati
who assemble for consultation on his
order. He is mostly styled the Chief of
the Faithful. A writer says fetwa or
decree from him would summon around
the standard of the Prophet all the fa-
natical hordes of Islam to fight to the
death against the ''infdels, in the firm
belief that death on the battle field is a
sure passport to Paradise"
Pashas-Govcrnors, Viceroys, COM
manders, civil and military rulers Of
provinces.
Deys-About the same as Pashas.
Sheik-The name given the heads of
Arabian tribes or clans. 1t means elder,
or eldest in dignity and authority.
Osmandi-A Turkish official
Islam-The religion of Mohammed.
Islams-Mohamme themselves.
Mussulman-A follower of Moham-
med.
Ottoman empire-Another name for
the Turkish empire, and derives its name
from Osman, its founder.
Osmanlis-The Turks proper.
Not all followers of the Prophet are
Turks. In European Turkey there are,
in round numbers, 100000 Moham-
medans, less than half of whom are Os.
manlis, the rest being of Slavonic descent
but none the less ardent worshipers Of
Islam.-Ctncinnatt Enquirer.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23

PosT-oFFIoE HUMoRs.-The following
amusing "reminiscences of the Post-ofice
Department at Washington are sent to
us by gentleman who was formerly
one of its most able and distinguished
officials:
When Francis Granger was Postmas-
ter General, he used to take great pleas
ure in heading off incompetent Office
seekers by producing the neat and we'll
arranged books of the then financial
officer of the department, the genial
John Marron, and asking the applicant
if he could keep accounts as neatly as
these were kept. The question never
failed to prove settler. Judge Collamer,
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23

Henry Webb Of Clarendon has trout
pond containing about two hundred
large trout, SO tame that they will come
up and take food from his hand. Friday
night about hundred of these trout
were stolen. Saturday morning Stephen
Pike of Mendon came to Rutland with
some particularly nice trout, which he
was selling at 80 cents pound. Pike
was arrested, and held in $500 for trial.
He admits the theft.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23
LARGEST DIAMOND IN
EXISTENCE.

1t is not very easy to make out which
Is the largest diamond now in existence.
Two are mentioned as entitled to the
honor-the Braganza, in the crown of
Portugal. and one which belongs to the
Rajah of Mattan in Borneo. The Prot
uguese jewel is of doubtful quality. 1t
weighs 1850 carats, and is the size of a
hens egg, but Is believed to be only a
white topaz. The Portuguese Govern
ment withhold any information on the
subject, but if it is genuine it is worth
nearly $3OO,O00,O00. The Borneo gem
was found on the island about 120 years
ago, and weighs 367 carats. A Cover
nor of Batavia Is said to have offered
$4,000 and two men-of-war for 1T
without success, and though many bat
ties have been fought over it, the Rajah
regards it as talisman, and it is still
in possession of the same family. The
Orloff diamond in the Russian Imperial
sceptre weighs 1874 3-4 carats; Catha-
rine ii. gave $45O,OO0 for it, and pen
stoned the merchant who brought it to
her at $4,000 year. 1t is not cut to
advantage. and another among the Rus
sian crown jewels, which weighs Sc
carats, is but partly cut. 1t is easy to
understand reluctance to have diamonds
cut. The advantages of cutting are not
always very plain, while the enormous
diminution of weight which commonly
ensues affects the public estimation more
than the increase of brilliancy. The
famous diamond which the Regent Or
leans bought from Gov. Pitt for $685.
900 formerly weighed 41O carats, but
was reduced by cutting to l36 3-4. The
Duke of Westminster has one which was
reduced by cutting from SO to rs carats.
But the most prominent example of the
kind is afforded by the recent history of
the Koh-i-noor, which weighed l86 carats
when it arrived in England, and lost so
by cutting in 1851. Why it was cut at
all nobody seems very we'll able to say,
and competent judges deny that its bril-
liancy has been increased to such an ex-
tent as to make up for the loss. Sir
David Brewster warned Prince Albert of
the impossibility of improving the lustre
without serious diminution of weight !;
but foreign diamond merchant thought
differently, and, as is usual in England,
any opinion on matters of the kind is
taken before that of native. The vul-
garity of taste which only admires regu-
larity has deprived the world of many
great diamonds, and we shall probably
have to wait long before it is universally
acknowledged that symmetry is not alb
sOlutely necessary to beauty. The an.
cient regalia of the VisigOthic kings in
the Hotel Cluny, the so-called sword Of
Charlemagne in the Louvra, the ruby in
the English crown at the Tower, are not
less beautiful because they look little
rough. The great jewel wearers and
collectors, the rajahs of India. seldom
have their diamonds cut into regular
forms, and the Koh-i-noor was no excep.
tion. Its history may be traced fol
nearly 1000 years, and it seems that al
some remote period it weighed 793 5-s
carats; but that Shah Jehan had it cut
by Venetian in his service, who con
trived to reduce it to the 1876 which i
1 - u II
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23

mare was taken in charge by her new
owner, removed to Newburgh, placed in
the care of careful trainer, and in due
time regularly introduced upon the trot-
ting turf. Her history from that time
was marked by series of triumphs. Late
ly she made the fastest time (2:16 1-2)
ever known on the trotting course in
the State of California.-The gentleman
who purchased her from Jersey Bill was
Mr.. Alden Goldsmith, and the mares
name is Goldsmith Maid.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23
notions passing through the brain while
half sleeping or dosing. In dreaming
there is no proper or restorative rest.
THE WORLD GROWING BETTER.

It is pleasant to believe that the
world is gradually growing whittier. 1t
is joy to feel that, as the years pass,
the mission of Jesus fulfls itself and
the world becoming purer. There is a
basis Of fact for this belief, and abund-
ant cause for such joy. Two thousand
years ago the world was foul, both in
its thoughts, its practices, and its ex-
expression. Even in literature of our
own language, three centuries ago, was
too impure for the present time to read.
In our age, on every hand, we behold
proof that the cleansing work of Chris
tianity has triumphed. The world is
progressing. 1t moves on and it moves
up. The hearts of men are becoming
chaste, the affections Of men pure. God
is coming nearer and nearer to the race,
not in outward and visible splendor Of
actual appearance, but in the interior
Improvement and developement OF hu-
man nature. Again is his likeness be-
ing born on earth. Not now, as at
Bethlehem, by the birth of the flesh.
but by the birth of the spirit. He is
not taking TO himself the nature of ang-
els, but the nature of man, and man
beholds him in his own nature. And
through the increasing purity of his af-
fections he sees his God. By and by
he will see him more clearly. By and
by they will realize the truth of the
saying of Jesus, when he exclaimed to
his disciples, "The kingdom of heaven
is within you" Then will they indeed
be near GoA Then shall they see him,
as it were, face to face.-W- II. H.
Murray.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23

A SPIRITED SCHOOL, -GIRL.-The mis-
tress of most disordely school in Sho-
whcgan, Me-, lost control of her scholars
one day last week, and allowed the
naughty boys to throw wads of paper
and balls of clay at the pretty girls.
One of the girls finally reported" cer-
tain boy who was annoying her with pot
shots from popgun. The timid school
mistress sternly reproved her for tattling
in school. The girl returned to her seat,
and her prosecutor, resuming military
operations and firing at long range across
the schoolroom hit her in the face. ''Ii
the teacher can't lick you l can,' said
the pretty girl, and darting across the
room she struck him with a big book,
dragged him out of his seat, and bea'
him until he lay on the floor blubbering
and begging for mercy.
After a boy is tired out hoeing pota
toes nothing seems to rest him more thai
to dig over few square rods Of green
sWard in search of bait.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23


DoN'T WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF
To retain or recover health, persons
should be relieved from anxiety concern.
ing disease. The mind has power over
the body-for person to think he has
a disease will often produce that disease.
This we see effected when the mind is
intensely concentrated upon the disease
of another. We have seen person sea-
sick, in anticipation of voyage, before
reaching the vessel. We have known
people to die of cancer in the stomach,
when they had no cancer in the stomach
or any other mortal disease. A blind
folded man, slightly pierced in the arm,
has tainted and died from believing he
was bleeding to death. Therefore per-
sons should have their minds diverted as
much as possible from themselves. 1t is
by their faith that men are saved, and
it is by their faith that they die. AS a
man thinketh, so is he. If he wills not
to die, he can often live in spite of dis
ease; and, if he has little or no attach
ment to life. he will slip away as easily
as child will fall asleep. Men live by
their minds as we'll as by their bodies.
Their bodies have no life of themselves
they are only receptacles of life-tene-
ments for their minds, and the will has
much to do in continuing the physical
occupancy or giving it up.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23

ners. Never did prouder fleet or one
more confident of success set sail than
that which is known in history, or in
irony, as the Invincible Armada. and
none ever met with more humil1ating
discontinue, and this in great measure
directly from the hand of God. France
under both Napoleons, while giving IL
lustrations of what may be accomplished
by valor combined with numbers, has
also shown that the odds are all against
those that fight against the DEGREES of
heaven, and SO does the history Of every
great nation that has been involved in
war.
Our hopes of the success of the Rus.
sian arms, in the conflict which is now
going on, are based not so much upon
the superior forces of Russia, as upon
the avowed object of the war and upon
its hopeful and probable results. Russia
has declared before the world that her
purpose in undertaking the war is the
liberation of the oppressed Christian
subjects of the Porte, or at least the
complete amelioration of their condition;
and should she be successful, we are
fully authorized to anticipate as one of
its consequences the breaking of that
naughty power which, as one form of
Anti Christ, is ruling over so many mil
lions of the human race, and which con-
stitutes one of the strongest barriers in
the way of the progress and complete
success of the gospel of Christ. Russia
may have ulterior ambitious designs in
view of making war upon Turkey, but
with her recent pledges on record, in the
present state of Europe with SO many
jealous powers armed to the teeth watch
ing her every movement, it is impossible
that she should achieve any success that
will not be for the benefit of the Chris
tian and even the Mohammedan popula-
tion of the Turkish Empire.
They who look for the final triumph
of the gospel of Christ over all opposing
systems of religion must expect the
overthrow of Mohammedanlsm, which
now numbers among its adherents nearly
two hundred millions of the human race
The chief ruling power of this gigantic
form of error is in the throne of the
Sultan of Turkey. Many students of
phrophecy regard the near future as the
time indicated in Scripture for the ex-
tinction of that power, as symbolized by
''the drying up of the great river Eu-
pirates" The time must come for its
overthrow, and all things indicate the
present as the opportunity.
In the hope that the beginning of the
end is at hand, and is to be hastened by
the present war, we earnestly desire the
success of the cause to which Russia
stands pledged. But our trust is in the
God of Providence and of revelation, the
God of battles, who has his own great
purposes to accomplish that are far above
the plans of human governments; who
sometimes disappoints the hopes of those
that stand pledged for the right, but who
in all and through all the commotions
and changes that take place, is working
out the final redemption of the world
Neao York Observer.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23

Il am willing to risk my reputation
as a public man." wrote Edward Hine
to the Liverpool Mercury" if the worst
case of smallyox cannot be cured in three
days, simply by the use of cream of tar
tar. One ounce of cream of tartar dis
solved in pint of water, drank at inter-
walls when cold, is certain, neyer-failing
remedy. 1t has cured thousands, never
leaves a mark, never causes blindness,
and avoids tedious lingering"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-23
UP IN A TREE.


Little brown lady,
Up in tree.
Smoothing her feathers,
Looking at me;
Up in the morning
First peep o. day,
Getting her breakfast,
Working away;
Stops by the window.
Shaking her head
Calling me lazy.
Lying in bed.
Little brown husband.
Up in a tree,
Singing the sweetest.
Ever could be.
Sings OF the morning,
Sings Of the air.
Sings Of the sunshine
Everywhere;
Very fine dandy
Golden and red
+ Never got handsome
Lying in bed.
-Four little children
Up in n tree.
Yelling and piping;
Never did see
Babies so hungry.
Babes so bad.
Mouths so wide open,
All very sad;
Come little mother,
They must be fed,
scold me no longer
Lying in bed.
Little brown lady.
Would were thee.
Housework and household
Up in a treei
Little brown husband,
Would l we're thee,
Nevermore worried
Up in treel
But, o, brown babies,
You must be fed
Think I'd rather be
Lying in bedl
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1877-11-23
la PEQUENA AATILLA
FABRICA DE Aqua CARB6NICA
Y LIMONADAS GAsEOsAs.
4. SAN JOSE q

Alentado por la creciente protection de
este culto vecindafio, ell dueflo de este va
acreditado establecimiento, ha completado
su fabrica con todos los aparat0s,s botellas,
&, que SO usan en- los pafses en- donde esta
industrial esta d la mayor altura. Ell agra
dable sabor de estas innocuas bebidas sus
efectos higienicos son va por expefiencia
aqm bien conocidos. g9
Las personals que gusten abonarse Dor nae
Ses, coplprar barrfles botelias puedeR
estar en- la seguridad de que Sc les sefyir& &
precios en- extremes m0dico. Los que ia
vorezcan con sus pedidos esta fAbricA cuen-
ten con que han de toInar Aqua CAkD0EICA Z
das. a.T
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1877-11-23
INGLATERRA Y FRANCIA
soBRE CUBIERTA.

AL regresar Ell yapor de la Habana tocara en-
Puerto Plata.
Estos preeios son en- orc ahAseicano q la par su
equlyaente en- moneda corriente.
Sc eXpenden billeteS de retorno para tres Rleses
con uIa rebala de % pSa, bueno Dor ano para los
yiaje8 tasatantico, seis meses para las Antllas.
Sc haco rebaa de n sexto en- los tipos estabec-
dos favor dc les familias pero solo los easos
que ell importe del pasaje 81 earga en- su tota-
dad por toda Ia falnli fuaee ilal al importe total
Ell ternlino famia. solo comprende les pQdres sus
hios sus eFiados, y Ia reDaJa SO hara & las per-
sonas que tomen bjlletes DE retorno. a pasajeros
que temen billetes los DFecos mas hajos para 0des-
de Europa.
Los ni2los m6nos de amos una gratis de 8 d S Ia
cuarta parte, dc y Ia mitad,
los pasajeros para Erancia cualquier parte de
Europa. pueuen quedaf ID QlAS en- Ingaterra 81 aSi
gustav vice versa los para IRsiGterfa pueden que-
daT FFancA. Lgs paSajeros por es10s vapores
tendran el privilego de Yajar el mino de hero
entire Chefbourg, Paris, Piynouth y LondreS, & una
rebaja de 10 p% los embarchdos en- este puerto
Essta prohibido q los pasajafos, embaFcando en-
este puerto tomar bieteS Slno casa ue los Agen-
tes en- San Juan Puerto Rico, Sres. latimeF Ce: e
pasaie tomado 4 bordo pagara 10 ~ de recargo
AdemaS de los puetS1S Inencionados arriba, pue-
den obtenerse pasajes por os yapores de esta Com
pa1ia, para los sigulentes punt0s; Antigua, Barba
daS, Belize, Cartae0na, Colon. CurazaG, Demerars
Dominica, Granada Grey Town. Jaeinel Jamaica
la Gaira Maftinca. Port au- Prince. Puerto Linion
Sayanilla, Saint Kits Santa Lucia San Vicente, To-
baao isia de Trinidad
Sc eHgen ahorn preei0s modicoS para los tiBspor-
ties do tsbaco v cai6 Europa.
Para PORN sobfe pasijes Hetes demas di-
riglIse q la Ageneia de la aCompaaia
La CotnpaKla aJsesUr3 t0da ease de valoreS que
on etectlyo neiales Preclosos joyas. Sc eharQuen
en- los vapores dc Ia Inca con destino q Europa San
Thomas, Habann, cuRulier Otfo puptO dc au rUtf,
-AgaDtCs, LAtftneF n 90.