The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1877-07-10
TAKING HIS CHOICE.

He was middle aged man, and would
pass anywhere for an ex-Congressman.
The cold sweat of wisdom and common
sense sparkled on his massive brow, and
no one to look at him would for a moment
suppose that he would be guilty of a mean
action.
He boarded the Morris and Essex 7.50
train due west, and, seating himself near
a window, commenced to devour the con-
tents of a patent-medicine almanac with
avidty.
When the train had gone through the
Erie tunnel, the conductor stepped into the
car, and shouted:
"Tickets ~
The passengers Immediately produced
either the necessary pasteboard or the col
lateral that speaks all languages and the
conductor finally reached the middle aged
pilgrim, and screamed in his ear:
"Ticket, please ~
eyes, sir" said the traveller / will I
am always happy to tick it when and
wherever ! can, and I'm much Obliged to
you for telling me to-"
81 want your ticket, SIR" said the
conductor, sternly, when the traveller went
on:
cit is a well-authenticated fact that
Powhattan was going to club the head eff
Capt. Smith, but he didn't, and wish you
would tell your children of It. Yes, sir,
you should pour the history of our beloved
country into your children, if it takes half
the money that you knock down on this
road to do it,"
"I am not thief sir,'' cried the con-
ductor, and if you don't hand out your
ticket right away I'll expel you from this
train"
"And don't forget" the pilgrim went
on, " to tell your children about Old Hick-
ory Jackson, and the way in which he
cleaned out them Britishers at New Or
leans. o. wasn't it beautiful Whenever
think of it feel like huslSing off my
duster and turning flip-haps all over crea-
tion.'
"Hand out that ticket, or bounce ~
yelled the collector of fares.
"And don't fail" continued the pere-
grinator, =" to mention to your youngster
something about old Harrison, the Iujun
fighter
Old Tippecanoe
And Tyler, too,
eh and be sure to tell them that little
story about George Washington and the
Juvenile axe"
eff you don't favor me with your ticket"
said the conductor, "I'll stop the train and
put you off"
remarks addressed to him, but continued
"Oh, for the good old days OF jefferson
and Jackson them was the days of square
deals, and no murderer could get a stay of
proceedings, and no Tweed could rob the
people and get away with the swag. There's
too many foreign office-hoders now, any
how, that's what's the matter"
"Give me your ticket?" screamed the
conductor.
Supposn' amt got none y replied
the man.
Then give me your money"
Amt got none will my note of hand
doP'
No, sir, you may take your choice
ticket, money or bounce"
Then bounce is the programme"
The conductor in an ecstacy of rage
stopped the car, and as the old fellow step
ped out into the meadows, he drew a gun
out of the leg of his pantaloons. The con-
ductor turned pale at the idea of being
shot, when the traveller smiled sweetly, and
said
81 amt agoin' to harm a hair of your
head, Mister | came out here to go snipe-
shooting, and if you hadn't let me off I'd
had to have jumped off, and run the risk
of breaking my gun. Remember what
told you about American history, and pour
it into your children, if it makes you 60
broke"
The conductor crawled into the car with
a sickly smile, the passengers ehuokled,a and
as the train moved off the old man was
looking for wisp of snipe.