Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1877-04-27
How She Fooled Him.
From the Cincinnati Inquirer.

John Sanscript's wife went to bed Satur-
day night with her mind made up to fool the
old man next day or die in the attempt. In
previous years she had found John imper-
yious to Jokes of all kinds, and she realized
the Augean task before her on the morrow.
With her mind full of her self imposed task
she went to sleep. At daylight she awoke
and at once began to operate. Her victim
was lying with his back towards her, appa-
rently in sound sleep. She poked him Wig
orously in the ribs witt her sharp elbow and
clawed his shins with rr toe-nails, prepara-
tory to startling him with half-whispered
warning.
John oh, John-theres some one ring
ing the door bell"
Lem i'm ring" was the sleepy response.
But, John, maybe its the man on the
next square who owes you that 500 came to
pay you" ,.,, ,,;,, -,
yawn.
"But you don't know. and ii may be that
very man."
II guess not, for he's buried; died last
week. Besides, old woman, your ears de-
ceive you. | took the bell-knob of last
night to fool April foolers."
Heavens. what n mess she made of it to
begin with But when the old man rolled
out of bed, yawned and picked up his pants
and she rammed the sheet in her mouth to
plug up her laughter.
'Oh, jimmy, won't he tumble when he
put his foot in them pants and finds the legs
sewed up she said TO herself.
Judge of her rage when the provoking
brute innocently carried the blockaded
breeches to the wardrobe and inquired:
Nancy, where's them chocolate-colored
pants had on last week.
''Put on the ones you have i'll your hands,
John what's the matter with them?'
Il burst a button of yesterday, and they
need mending."
At breakfast she poured out nice cup OF
coffee for him and sweetened it with two
teaspoonsful of salt.
You needn't give me any coffee, me said;
Keep that yourself.
why, John, what's the matter" This is
the first time since We were married you re-
fused coffee.
'The blamed stuff has made me nervous
lately; and. as this is the first of the month,
l thought I'd break of and only drink it for
supper. You keep that yourself
When he came home TO dinner she had
prepared him a neatly-directed envelope
with a sheet of blank paper enclosed within.
He eyed it suspiciously and, throwing 1t into
the fire, said:
81 know that handwriting. It's from that
lunatic who wants me to vote for him to-
morrow. So much for his letter.
In the evening she disguised herself in
one of her husbands old suits and came to
the door to beg for charity.
"Please give me nickle to buy some
bread"
''Get out. or I'll give You nickel with my
boot"
But sir, consider. I'm starving"
THE devil you are, Now, I'll bet You $50
against the suit of clothes you wear that you
are an imposter."
'But, Sir
If l were to search you now l shouldn't
be surprised to find you loaded with wealth.
For two cents | would see"
"For heavens sake
''Now, none of your soft-soap on me. l
don't believe in beggars. Here, you police
man, take this internal imposter to the STA
tion-house."
Just as the ''peeler" grabbed the sup
posed beggar by the back of the neck n shrill
voice yelled:
John! Johnl you wouldn't send your wife
TO the station-house, would you?"
1.-The HI l wouldn't.' was the cool re-
sponse. Anybody who lies to me about my
door-bell, sews up my trousers, puts salt in
my coffee, writes me anonymous notes and
steals my clothes ought to go to the Peniten-
tiary for life"
But how did you know"
'.1f you women wouldn't talk in your sleep
you might keep a secret once in a while"
Mrs. Sancript says that hereafter when
she attempts an April-fool joke she intends to
sit up all the night previous.