West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1877-10-27
Mr.. Billikins Loses Sleep.


n though he had been racing all night
with ghost through pine woods, ON
an empty stomach. He told the other
clerks that man could get about as
much sleep in the hold of steamboat
packed with hornets nests, as in house
with woman who had the toothache.
Don I she try anything To relieve il -
asked dapPer little counterjumper in
the WOODEN goods department.
! Iryy Mcrciful heavens, mani That's
! right where the trouble is,n said MIR.
Billikins rubbing his eyes and iamminr
a bolt ot shecting under his lower
Jaw To suppress yawn that he felt
had just left his shoulder blades and
started for the front, bringing all its
camp equipage along ''Try any
thing! Why, that unfortunate woman
has tried everything in and out of the
books, and the more she tries the closer
the confounded old snag applies itself to
business"
Has she tried forccpsY" oueried
Mr.. Smythe, the handsome head of
"laces and trimmings"
We'll, she just has" returned Mr.
Billikins. You bet on that, il YOU get
"A chance"
And couldn't they stop the aching p"
No-didn't do her any good. But
| III tell you how il was. You see she
had been charging and tearing about the
house so every night for the last week
hunting up things To jam into that old
cave of tooth, hauling me out of bed TO
! light the lamp and suggest new things to
experiment on, that | couldn't get a
wink o. sleep, and | was pretty near
used up, and so when / went home last
night | made up my mind that tooth
had To come out if ] had To pile the cook
stove and bureau on top of her To hold
her still while brought it out with the
claw hammer Ii was the most contrary.
aggravating tooth i'm the State 1t
wouldn't have ached particle i'm day-
| light TO save a spell o. sickness, but lust
as soon as Martha Ann put on her night
cap and got comfortably into bed, she
said she really thought whole street
car stable o mules had been turned loose
In her mouth, with the right of way for
the rest of the night. Well, when il
came to this part of the programme
last night, i told her To bounce up and
| get on her clothes, and we would go to
the dentist and have the blasted thing
pulled. She declared she wouldn't
she never could stand it--she would die
/
OF nonsense; but she finally agrecd-iust
as the tooth nearly ierked her right ear
oh'-that if / would let her take gas she
would face the music.
" Certainly" said /, ga whole barrel
OF ii If you like. don't care what you
take, so you get that tooth out, for Pm
not cast-iron and can't live without
sleep. So we set out for the dentists. and
as soon as we got i'm sight of the house
that tooth stopped aching sosuddcn that
Martha Ann almost fell down. 1t was
as quiet and easy in second, as
| philanthropy, and seeing that il had
stopped hurting entirely, she easily per
suaded me to go back home In five
minutes after we had got into bed il cut
loose again, and had her out pacing the
floor, hollering for me to strike n light
and hunt up the oil of peppermint. |
made her get into her duds again and
we set out second time for the dentists.
This time it hung on with both hands
until we got into the room, when il let
go Its grip and dropped clear out of
sight. Martha Ann wanted to go back
home again, but ] couldn't see IL, and
! partly 10y persuasion, and partlyby force,
got her into that chair, aud the dentist
clapped the hose TO her mouth, and
| few seconds later, ] thought she was
! dying sure, and got greatly alarmed,
! but the dentist assured me there was no
! danger, and she would be all right
! presently AS soon as she had arrived
at the proper state of stupor, he had me
/ to hold her head, and seized the snag with
the torceps. The next instant a sound
rentthe air like the bursting Of boiler,
and a very much bewildered dentist was
/ standing on his head in one corner of
/ the room, paving the carpet, and shout
| ing for his wife 10 run down and turn i'm
/ the fire alarm, while sad-eyed man, of
my own height and weight, was hang
/ ing 10 the chandelier by his clothing,
| yelling "PoliceV and a woman with
! disheveled hair was setting up in the
! operating chair, with eyes like stars.
shrieking with vim that left no doubt
a. 10 her being i'm earnest about it, and
/ bOmbarding the bewildered dentist i'm
his corner with a miscellaneous cOIiec-
| tiOn of fOrceps, other instruments, teeth
of assorted sizes, and whatever else came
! handy. How ] got the woman home |
/ don't know, but do remember that 1
\ had To pay the doctor ten dollars for the
| damage done, and remember also that ]
/ didn't grudge the money, and felt that
the victory of strategy and science was
dirt cheap at double the price But
| when, after we had got back again to our
/ bed, and that same old fraud opened up
/ the evenings entertainment with the
same old programme and several new
variations, and Martha Ann told me the
upper part only had been broken Oh.
/ leaving the diseased roots in worse con
dition than before, then I felt that I
would chcerfully give ten dollars moro
I tOdrOp brickbat on that dentists head
as big as Pixies Opera House, and re-
/ grctted in my soul, ~ ! never regretted
/ anything before that instead of those
| fOrceps Martha Ann didn't have two
| dozen well-seasoncd rolling pins. Tried
anything2 Well ] should rather say
Y she had"
| NEw YORK Hcr0H. Miss Long. of
/ Oregon, has married Mr.. Little. She, of
I course, says: Love me Little" and