The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-08-30
PASSING SMILES.


Debt.
The man that makes a character
makes foes.
WHICH is the ugliest hood ever worn
| Falsehood.
WHAT is the best thing to do in a
hurry? Nothing.
THAT is most wretched fortune
which is without an enemy.
THE great vices of our time are simply
lying, cheating and stealing.
THE devil never yet tempted man
whom he found judiciously employed.
YOUNG man, you can go up hill as
fast as you please, but go down hill slow.
Corn whisky under certain cireum-
stances may not inappropriately be called
grain elevator.
BATTENKILL is the name of a sta
ton in Vermont, and baseball clubs are
arranging for matches there.
THERE is one crop which is held to be
all the better the more "weeds" it pro-
duces, and that is the tobacco crop.
"Give the tramps no quarters. ."-Nev
York Herald. We don't. We seldom
give them over five cents.-NorristOpn
Herald.
THE Queens speech is all right.
Some one writes it for her, reads it for
her; and all she has to do is to applaud
herself for knowing so much. Z.
A SKATE was caught in the river at
this place measuring twenty-six feet
across.-Noracich Bulletin. Some Nor
wich young lady lost it off her foot
while skating last winter.-Neto London
Telegram.
THE announcement that counterfeit
eagles are in circulation is extremely
annoying. 1t wouldn'tb be at all pleasant
for fellow to find two or three bad ones
in counting over his salary at the end of
the week.
AN Irish pilot being asked if he knew
the rocks in the harbOr replied with con-
fdence, az do, your honor, livery wan of
thin. That's wan," he added calmly,
as the ship struck it, filled and sank to
the bottom.
LONG BRANCH hotel keepers say that
nine guests out of ten seem to trv their
best to eat twice as much as is good for
them. In this country every person
wants the worth of his money, even if
it makes him sick.
Commercial Advertiser: "Did it hurt
you much ?' asked man as the towel
on Spilkin's head the other day. No;
less," replied Leander.
SITTING, dear Sitting, come home with now,
For Clusters forgotten and gone,
You said you were coming from over the line,
AS soon as your hunting was done.
The hatchet is buried as deep as can be,
And Joseph with Howard's at play;
So give your guns and your ponies and things,
And come with us, Sitting, to stay.
Chorus-Sitting dear Sitting, come home, etc. r
TRANSLATED from Punch: "Pres-
byterian minister (who sees small boy
fishing)-' Don't you know that it is
wicked to catch fish onSundayp Small
boy (who had not yet caught any ish)
-' Who's catching any fish,"
BRIDGEPORT Standard: The statement
that the coal fields of the world will be
exhausted in two thousand years, brings
no permanent solace to the man who has
to carry the present daily supply for the
family up three pairs of stairs.
ANY person who can form no correct
idea of what is meant by a railroad
watering it's stock" can feel for himself
the full force of the expression by din
ing heartily on dried apples and then
drinking heartily of the aqueous.
AN editor, attending church last
Sabbath for the first time in many years,
stopped at the entrance. After looking
in vain for the bell-pull, he deliberately
knocked at the door, and politely waited
until some one opened it and let him in.
THE Mayor of Waco, Texas, went to
Chicago on business, and during his
absence some one presented his resigna-
ton in the Council. 1t was willingly
accepted and new election ordered, but
the Mayor got back in time to spoil the
joke.
A JUDGE, joking young lawyer,
said: !" If you and l were turned into a
horse and an ass, which would you pre-
fer to be-" "The ass, to be sure" re-
piled the lawyer. GIVE heard of an
ass being made Judge, but horse,
never"
The following incident happened in
one of the public schools of this city:
Teacher" Define the word 'excavate.'
Scholar-"It means to hollow Out." !"
Teacher" Construct a sentence in
which the word is properly used"
Scholar" The baby excavates when it
gets hurt
A CONTEMPORARY says in a recent arti-
Gle: "Ifyou wish to know whether man
is superior to the prejudices of the world,
ask him to carry parcel for you" A
fellow tried this plan few day since
upon well-dressed man he met at a
railway station. The well-dressed man
took the parcel, and the other was
satisfied that he was superior to the
prejudices of society, but he has notseen
the parcel since.
| Da:n tho Panalfy for. SunariaritH.