The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1877-03-09
NIP AND TUCK
The Mysterious Disappear
ance eff Thomas CAT.

ance eff Thomas CAT.
/ don't know that philosophy has
ever explained why all men hate
cats and all women love them. /
saw all because the exceptions arc
effeminate men and masculine wo-
men.
To me the question presents no
difficulties whatever. know in
my heart that the bitter luminosity
which one sex feels for the feline
race is owing wholly to the prepos-
terous aud utterly irrational man
ner in which women go on about
cats. If ever you wish TO arrive at
8 speedy summary of q woman's
inconsistency, vast of logic, and
excess of perversity and incompre-
hensible sentimentalism, just watch
her relationship to the cat. The
more worthless the animal, the
more she dotes on it. The more
bloodthirsty and cowsrdlY, the
more she extols it. Ifyou can dem
onstrate that it is q treacherous
fiend, that sucks the baby's breath
when her, back is turned, and steals
all the milk and tit bits the mo-
ment the kitchen-deor is shut, she
will go and stroke its back In tram
scendent sympathy.
When 1 was quite as mall boy, l
brought home one day, a little span
iel pup. He couldn't have been
mere than eight weeks old. My
Aunt had a monster tom cat, q
twelve-pound war horse, 8 battle
Scared veteran that had eaten more
canary birds and killed more rob-
ms than auy monster of its tribe in
the country. She called it Zeph,
which was an affectionate sbbrevia-
ton of Zephyr.
Well, it fell upon my spaniel pup,
fastened its talOns on either side of
the innocent's face, and proceeded
to chew his little pink nose off.
This was bad enough. But imag-
inc my feelings-my outraged sense
of justice-when my aunt appeared
upon the scene with a broom stick
and many screams, and proceeded
first to break the back of my harm
less pup, and then to upbraid me in
unmeasured terms for bringing a
great, nasty dog into the house to
worry her poor cat.
nursed that pup for a long time
and then buried it. l think l VOW
ed over its little grave behind the
barn to avenge his death. Zeph
and exchanged looks of contempt
for a long time afterwsrd. He
knew that l hated him cordially
and l felt that be despised me.
One day Jim Folsom, the butch
er's boy, brought down his bull
dog to the house. He had told me
My aunt was away that afternoon,
and had got Jim to happen round
with the animal, accidently as il
were. l shall never forget my as
constituent at that dog. 1t was an
old, dilapidated, brindled hybrid,
that held his head down, with his
nose to the ground, and had habit
of staring spasmodically, as if some
one were about to kick him. tried
all my powers of persuasion to get
Zephyr out into the yard without
avail, and we finally, in sheer des-
peration, took the dog into the
kitchen, We had to do it by main
force. The moment Zeph got his
green eyes on him he made one
straight spring, and landed on him
like leopard.
The rest of the scene lives in my
memory like fire or q midnight
assault. The process of whipping
that est was to me one of the most
momentnus proceedings in my iu-
venile history. All at once we
were asssiled by series of the most
orb IL
and sputters that ever issued from
an animated creature. Dog and cal
were lost in whirling chaos of fur.
They plunged under the table upon
which the pumpkin pies were cool.
ing; they upset ali the tins and
cookery and finally the table itself
They tore up all the rag carpet,
knocked down the stove pipe, roll
ed over and over, singing blood and
pumpkin in all directions, and then
with one sHper canine howl, the
dog plunged through Jim's legs
and out the door, where Ben, the
stable man, hit him over the back
with a pitchfork, and across the
fence, where my uncle struck him
with a brick on the hind leg. The
last we saw of him he was tearing
down the road in q cloud of dust,
with a posse of men and boys after
him, all under the vain delusion tina,
he had the hydrophobia.
Half an hour later that cat was
lyiBg upon a cushioned chair near
the stove, purring peacefully, with
one eye shut-a fit symbol of the in
Yincible-while group of horror
stricken women repaired damages,
and informed me that an abandon
ed wretch who would worry a poor
innocent pussy, would assuredly
end his days on the gallows.
For long time after that I gave
myself systematically to the study
of Zeph. He disabled two black
and-tan pups; he killed two yellow
birds that cost me q weeks work to
trap. ! found by actual experiment
that he could not be hit by clam.
shell for Charles Parsons-who, to
use bis own phrasealogy, could
scoop the head off of any ki-yi at g
hundred yards" with that missile
came up at my request and prac-
tised one whole afternoon without
getting fair shot at him.
/ satisfied myself that Spanish
buttons" were "no CO." Igot some
strychnine from the boy in the drug
store and fixed it nicely in q piece
of cold mutton. Then I made up
with Zeph, stroked his back tickied
the top of his head, called him pet
names, and offered him a nice dain-
ty little repast. But he only rolled
up his green eyes, pulled the meat
open, looked inside of it and went
off.
As for shooting him, that had
been tried too often. He rather
courted that sort OF fun. His loins
aud neck were so full of buckshot
that honestly believe he let him
self be fired at in order to become
iron clad.
/ never fixed him. On the con-
trary, he fixed me. / made a futile
effort 10 get up q combination
against him in the family. / OPEN
ed on him with statistics. 1 prov
ed to my mother that he had killed
Uncle Zeke's hooking bird, and that
he killed the two orioles that had
nest in the maple. sat up all
night to see him carry of the NUT
ton chops, and steal through q hole
= Al =