Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-09-10

A prudent man is like pin; his
head prevents his going too far.
Lecture on Fools-Admit one." was
the inscription on card of admission to
discourse by Philadelphia clergyman
the other evening.
80 you like your second wife better
than the first ?" "Yes," he said enthus-
iasticly; "she always puts enough starch
in my shirts to save me the trouble of
scratching my back"
"You can't drink so much brandy
with impunity said New York physic-
iau " d gouty patient .'pelhapO not
with impunity, doctor, but with little
peppermint 1 fancy can 60 it, was the
serene reply.
"Martha's Vineyards darned Yankee
fraud" said Western tourist after a
brief sojourn. "There isn't grape
grown on the whole island, and not a
soul l met had ever seen Martha, or
could tell where she lived"
The popularity of the fly is that he
always returns to the same spot; but it
is characteristic of the mosquito that he
always returns to another spot. Thus
he differs from the leopard which does
not change his spots. This is an impor-
tant fact in natural history.
A Yankee traveller in England, Occu-
pying the same room with an English
clergyman, astonished his fellow-traveler
on getting out of bed in the morning by
a violent explosion of profane language.
The reverend gentleman demonstrated al
first, but was paci6ed by his explanation,
"Well, l calculate, if you had lighted
as ] did, on the business-end of carpet.
tack. you would not begin the play with
the Lords prayer, either"
A young man in Rochester went, moi
long ago, to call upon some ladies. HI
sent in his card, was kindly received anC
passed a pleasant evening. The mex
day one of the young ladies happened II
pick up the card again, and on the bacl
she found the following: 'One game o
billiards, fifteen cents; drinks, twent,
cents; two games pool, forty cents
drinks, twenty cents three games Frencl
with Joe, forty-fve cents drinks, sixt
cents" The card was returned with
note telling the young man that he ha
lost his memorandum book.
A clergyman was annoyed by peOpl
talking and giggling. He paused. loob
ed at the disturbers, and said: II al
always afraid to reprove those who mil
behave, for this reason: Some yeal
since, as l was preaching, young ma
sat before me was constantly laughin,
) talking and making uncouth grimance
: ! paused and administered a severe r,
buke. After the close of the service
gentleman said to me, Sir, you ha,
made great mistake; that young ma
l. was an idiot Since then 1 have alway
been afraid to reprove those who misb
have themselves in chapel, lest shoul
repeat that mistake and reprove anoth'
idiot" During the rest of the servi'
there was good order.
. A tall, elderly, refined looking gcntl
. man recently went into small postofh,
in rural region of England. He askt
1 some question relative to the registerir
: of letter, and was very sharply, rude
: and unnecessarily snubbed by your
: woman in attendance. He asked her
!. she thought that was proper way
= answer an inquiry in public Office. 81
said she thought she had been quite ci,
enough for him. He asked her with |
= ominously increasing mildness Of manne
( if she would favor him with her nan
She emphatically declined to do so. /
then SAID he would tell her his nam
which, however, she declined to hes
saying that his name was no concern
10 hers. He calmly replied that he thOug
ID it was, for his name was John Manner
and he was the Postmaster General.