Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1877-07-18

Most men love little women, an
little women love most men.-Ex
"Why is lady's belt like a gal
bage cart! ?" Because it goes roun
and gathers in the waist.-Ex.
If the Turks are driven fror
Europe, will their old provinces b
known as ex-Crescencies !-Ex.
A California newspaper says tina
"the new and elegant Jail at Red
wood City is now open to the pub
lic."
Asparagus resembles long ser
mons in one important particular
the ends are most sought after
Worcester Press.
Cavalry find it impossible to eros.
the Danube above Widin. Cam
take the 'Orsova, you SEEN. Y
Graphic.
An eagle shot in Wisconsin the
other day was found to have twelve
bullets in him. 1t must have been
balled eagle.-Ex.
"Please don't shoot the cows" is
sign on a farmers fence near Chi.
cago, intended for city sportsmen
who go out after prairie chickens.
A produce dealer reports that
beets are unusually large this sea-
son. Hotel-keepers declare that
they were large enough last year.
According to the latest social
lexicon, suspicion is a sentiment
which incites us to search for some
thing which we do not wish to find"
"Six feet in his boots" said Mrs.
Darlington, "and what will the i'm
perance of this world come to, l
wonder! Why, they might as well
tell me that man had six heads
in his hat"
Frank Leslie is travelling in the
Yosemite Valley. But it is not
likely that he will give nature any
credit for forming such a wonder.
He never gives "credit." Nor
ristown Heard.
More amenities of Western jour
nalism: "Who wouldn't be an ed
itor z" asks the Lafayette, Indiana,
Journal "You wouldn't" replies
an Illinois exchange, "if you tried
a hundred years"
The editor of the Worcester
Press says that when he travels he
shall keep his flask of brandy out
of sight. Very good; but what
shall you do with your nose, my
boy.-Rochester Democrat.
"The trouble with this goose with
wine sauce" said a guest at a ho-
tel to the proprietor, who smilingly
asked if everything was satisfac-
tory, sis that the age is in the
goose instead of the wine"
Not long ago they had a picnic
down at the Cascade, and two sem
iors threw a couple of lemons and
pint of sugar in the creek, and
charged strangers five cents every
time they took a drink.-Ex.
81 guess dad wishes he'd die and
go to heaven" said miser's son
to his maternal parent. "Why so 2"
she asked, upon recovering from
the establishment. ooh, cause,
heavens such a cheap place to live
ink.
Oregon people are very courteous
to Eastern journalists. When
Gregory, of the Rochester Chron-
icle, was out there they left him in
a mining shaft for thirty hours to
keep the mosquitoes from finding
him.-Ex.
A female preacher is said to be
writing a commentary on the
Life of Joshua" 1t is reported
that she will observe that Joshua
was successful with the sun, bu. he
never commanded the daughter to
be still.-Ex.
Some of these farmers who are
advertising summer board must
have been in New York at the un-
yelling of the Halleck statue. The
New York papers, in describing
the statue, say, cat the back of the
chair is rustic Tyre. Boston Com
mercial Bulletin.
Indignant victim of misplaced
almsgiying, recognizing the Belisa-