The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-10-18
A Little Story for the Season.

NM N"1 |
Putting up a stove is not SO difficult
in itself. 1t is the pipe that raises four
ifths of the mischief and all the dust.
You may take down a stove-pipe with
all the care in the world, and yet that
pipe won't come together again as it was
before. You find this out when you are
standing on a chair with your arms full
of pipe and your mouth full of SCOT.
Your wife is standing on the floor in a
position that enables her to see you, the
pipe and the chair, and she gives utter
ance to those remarks that are calcula-
tep to hasten a man into the extremes of
insanity. Her dress is pinned over her
waist, and her hands rest on her hips.
She has got one of your hats on her
head, and your linen coat on her back,
and pair of rubbers on her feet. There
is about five cents worth of pot-black on
her nose, and a lot of -four ON her chin,
and altogether she is a spectacle that
would inspire a dead man with distrust.
And while you are up there trying to
circumvent the awful ~contrariness of the
pipe, and telling that you know some
fool has been mixing it, she stands safely
on the floor and bombards you with such
domestic notices as, whats the use of
swearing ?' You know no one has
touched that pipe" "You amt got
any more patience than a child" edo
be careful of that chair" And then
she goes and reappears with an armful
more of pipe, and before you are aware
of it she has got that pipe so horribly
mixed up that it does seem no two
pieces are alike. You join the ends and
work them to fro, and to and fro again,
and then you take them apart and look
at them. Then you spread one out and
jam the other together, and mount them
once more. But it is no go. You begin
to think the pieces a~reinspired with life,
and ache to kick them through the win
dow. But she doesn't lose her patience.
She goes around with that awful exas-
perating rigging on, with a length OF
pipe under each arm, and a long-handled
broom in her hand, and says she don't
see how it is that some people never have
any trouble in putting up a stove: Then
you miss the hammer. You don't see il
anywhere. You stare into the pipe
along the mantel, and down the stove
and off to the floor. Your wife watches
you, and is finally thoughtful enough tt
inquire what you are looking after; and
on learning, pulls the article from hel
pocket. Then you feel as if you coulC
go out doors and swear a hole twelve
feet square through a block of bricl
buildings, but she merely observes
Z" Why on earth don't you speak wher
you want anything, andnot stare arounc
like a dummyw When that part of tn,
| pipe which goes through the wall is up
: she keeps it up with the broom whilt
, you are making the connection, ant
: stares at it with intensity that is en-
tirely uncalled for. All the while you
position is becoming more and NOR
interesting. The pipe don't go together
of course. The SCOT shakes down int
your eyes and mouth, the sweat roll
down your face and tickles your chin a
it drops off, and it seems as though you
arms were slowly but surely drawing GU
, of their sockets. Here your wife come
to the rescue by inquiring if you are 60
l ing to be all day doing nothing, and i
you think her arm are made of cast
> iron; and then the broom slips off tn
b pipe, and in her endeavor to recover he
hold she jabs you under the chin wit
the handle, and the pipe comes down Oh
/ yourhead with its load of fried SCOT, an
), then the chair tits forward enough t
discharge your feet, and you come dow
on the wrong end of that chair with
a force that would bankrupt a pile-drivel
You don't touch that stove again. Yo
leave your wife examining the chair an
bemoaning its injuries, and go into tn
kitchen and wash your skinned an
v bleeding hands with yellow soap. The
:, you go down the street after a man t
do the business, and your wife goes owe
to a neighbours with her chair, and tel
them about the injuries, and drains th
neighborhood dry with its sympath
long before you get home.