Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1877-12-29

/ Telegraph once. says MT. Johnston, I'm a tele-
| graphic volume, Just published. called Light
| ming Flashes" You are brought i'm contact
| with so many different people. made conf
dent of In so many important transactions.
many strange messages passing over the wire.
| that you feel as If from some 1oophole of re
treat you were viewing the w..ld shorn OF its
| shams and its pretences. Perhaps no class of
| men enjoy good joke better than telegraph
| ers. and they certainly often find in the ordi-
nary routine duties OF heirposition many dis
| patches calculated To- provoke a smile. For
| instance Massachusetts man recently tele-
| graphed TO his son: - am dying: come i'm
mediately, which elected the. very sympa-
| thetic reply: Cannot come. Let me know
| when You die" 4 message was sent not long
| since to doctor in this city from the husband
| of ore of his patients, which read: Please
| GENE down right away: wife very i'll. and
fifteen minutes afterward another merely say
| ing: You need not come. Funeral Tues
| day The following message, addressed to
an insurance agent. recently passed through
the Western Union general Office i'm this city
| -" Have you received proofs of my DEATH
They were forwarded sixty days ago.
! tSigned) JOHN BAIRD. deceased.
As the operator always follows copy" and
senders are often a little excited. very queer
messages are sometimes sent: for example
| tins one; Cousin: Go for Auntie. Father il
| dying as soon as possible" An Irishman-of
course-in Palmer. Mass. sent the following
wife died Yesterday. We will wake her TO,
| night. Come home. =. :. Don't open this for
| TWO hours, 80 as To prepare yourself for the
But the most laughable messages are gen
| orally those from love sick SWANS tn their
sweetheartS- A gentleman in the South not
| long since telegraped Ia his atfianced in
! Maine: " Your life * a rich bouquet of happi-
| ness yourself the sweetest flower. If North
ern winds whisper Southern wishes. how
| dreams, sweet loye,-Frauk. The following
message recently passed through the Chicago
office: " lent You one year ago tonight four
A.Atu hay. NJ
had ii long enough. please keep it one year
longer" To this delicate hint this answer
was returned: Had forgotten it. and hoped
| you had. Let her run another YEAR
| Mr.. Beecher years ago. when he was but
| little known outside of New York or Brook
| Ign. received a telegam from a Y. NJ. c. A. i'm
| the West asking him to come on and lecture
Tor fame. His reply created hearty laugh in
the telegraph office: it was. Yes. will lee
ture for r. A. NJ. Fifty and my expenses. -
! Operators occasionally encounter some very
| strange people in the way of customers. Ii is
| quite astonishing what crude ideas many even
| intelligent people have of the telegraph. 4
| German once brought message To one of the
! branch offices in New York for transmission.
1t was SO indistinctly written that the opera
tor couldn't read it. and asked Ia be enlght-
| ened. Hans studied il carefully for some
| time. but couldn't make il out either. After
| awhile. however, his face frightened up and
he said: oh, well. just send il that way he II
| understand it, A porter belonging to one of
the city hotels one night handed the operator
| a message and a two dollar bill. The operator
| returned him the change. and was not little
surprised to see him walk off with both change
| and message.
Amt you going to have the message sent?'
he inquired.
had sent it. ] supposed that all You had to do
was simply TO look at it!''
1 A lady of color once asked what. the tariff
| was to Portsmouth.
What Portsmouth asked the operator
| why. just Portsmouth
| What State is il iG?''
| 'The-C-nited States.''
| Yes, but there are over thirty States.
| Which particular one?"
| Il never heard of any Portsmouth but
| one" And she looked like il.
| After a little questioning she spoke of Rich
mOnd, and he concluded il was Virginia.
| "Seventy-five cents for ten words"
We'll. what's a word: 1 want to say Ar
| rived safe. but my trunk hasn't come on.
| Please forward 1t at once by express. care of
| Mrs. Julia johnson, without delay. I'll write
as soon as ever L have time Is that more
| than one wOrd?'
| He thought il was.
| Not long since a man stopped at the little
window OF branch office in the Hub, the
| inbabitant evidently of a little sphere of his
| Own. outside OF which he was lost in the
| maZeS Of life.
is this the telegraph Office" he asked,
| hesitatingly.
The young lady operator satisfied him of
| this fact.
Il want to telegraph he proceeded grow
| ing confidential, L want TO telegraph To my
| wife and tell her missed the train
| You will have to write it on one of those
| blanks" said the operator, cOolly, entirely
unimpressed by the Ito the sender) exciting
"Oh. we'll guess you'd better write it.
can write (eyidently thinking il necessary to
establish this fact before proceeding farther).
but (natterlnglO you can fix 1t up better
| "WhOm is the message going tosr asked the
| operator, as she armed herself with pen and
"TO-my wife-in Providence he replied.
with the most sublime innocence.
The operator looked at him doubtfully.
What is the address? To whom is the
The man eyed her with great establishment.
IL told YOU he said, raising his voice as if he
wife in Providence
Il am afraid, the operator replied, trying
Providence is small place. 1 know, but II
might possibly 60 to some other mans wife"
The story Ofthe Irishman who hung his boots
on the telegraph wire is laughed at, but is not
tales OF people who imagine everything is
transmitted bodily over the wires. Yet par
allel eases are constantly occurring. A young
the same telegraph office to he photographed"
she said. shall open it, inquired the Oper-
ator, thinking perhaps the message was in
side. The young woman looked insulted.
"Of course nOt!' 1t was to be "telegraphed'
just as it was, of course! Don't you send
letters 10y telegraph? she asked. with her nose
in the air. The operator advised employing
the United States mail i'm the transmission,
and the young woman departed with the evil
dent impression that Geographic institutions
were all nothing more or less than frauds"
Another young woman came into the BOS-
ton Office above mentioned. The inevitable
Il want to send telegram" brought the
operator to the window, when, after explain
ing all the why's and wherefOres, and relating
the family history for the past three genera
tiOns, she dictated the message while the OPP
peratOr wrote, When finished, the young wO-
man took the document scrawled i'm the Oper-
atOr's third best handwriting-the one that
mo one but herself could read''-eXamined it
critically. pointed disdainfuIly to a spider
like word, as she asked: Whats THAR"
crossed a few It's, dotted few is, rounded
some O's, and finally flung down the message
angrily, exclaiming TO the wondering Oper-
atOr: John never will be able to read that Il
Shall have to write it myself" and she did.
A few months ago darkey came into the
Office at cambridge, Ga, and said he wanted
to send an 'expatch'' to his girl. Very WELL"
said the operator, reaching for blank, what
do you want to say to her3'' Now that's
cool, ~ remarked the ebony customer. Il amt
gwine to tell you what want to say to her.
Amt m fool L amt and ha mn his arSu