South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-04-06
WIT AND IaUMoR.

. ~ n.
~ A modest yonng lady desiring q
leg OF chicken. az the liable. said :. '.Pll
take the port wliicli ought 10 be dressed
IN drawers" A young man opposite
Immediately said. ..ril take the part that
ought TO weara hustle r. tiartsiiorn was
Immediately administered TO the lady.
1.-TWO ragged little urehins were
standing in the gutter looking at a lady
who had just fallen down on the pave.
ment. cit isn't so much that I like or.
angcs." observed one Of them, s.but what
a lot ofpeople you can bring down with
the peelp
IL Not mad - said man who had
been bitten, when the owner undertook
to sootbe him by telling him the dog
was not mad; '.not mad What I'm
thundcrs he got to be mad about, 1 should
like to know "jrs me Mafs mad =.
VA negro Methodist's idea OF min.
isterial qualification ode new preacher
IL mo- larnt dan Mistuh Boles was but
Lor' bless You. sab he ain't got de
dolcfnl sound like Mis.uh Boles had.
No indeedyg'
A LAWYERS WooIEo.--Charles O..
Conor's peculiar wooing is thus told by
the Washington correspondent of the
Cleveland Herala. "lhe Young and
beautiful widow OF Commodore Nc.
Cracker Of our navy returned from n.
broad, and, finding her financial affairs
IN complicated state. went to Mr.. o.
Conor to get his legal advice. Mr.. o..
Conor discovered tina: the Commodore
had died insolvcnt and the beautiful
widow was left to the cold mcrcies of n
selfish world without penny to call her
own. This he was Obliged to break to
her. whereupon she held up her hands
In piteons dismay, crying: "Oh, Mr.
OConor. what shall do? ! who have
lived in luxury all my life - MADAM"
said the great lawyer. 'the best advice
can give you is to marry me-" They
were married"
UA gentleman had occasion 10 cor
rect his daughter, aged four, recently.
Alter it was over and she had sat awhile
she went to her mother and inquired +:
Don't you think il would do papa good
to go out doors?"
tV,"What would you do il mamma
should die?" she pathetically asked of
her little three-year old daughter. 4
don't know remarked the infant, with
downcast eyes and melancholy voice,
L Impose should have TO thpank my.
sclfw- Graphic.
tT'A Clergyman, after marrying n
couple made prayer over them, and
concluding: Forgive them, Lord, they
know not what they do"
ETA Vermont newspaper recently
closed an obituary: "She had an anna
bic temper and was uncommonly fond
OF ice cream"
W What is the best remedy, asked
preacher OF q shrewd observer, for an
inattentive audience? Give them some.
thing to attend to was the significant
reply. Hungry sheep will look up 10
the rack if there is anything in it.
E%"Poor boy!'' said lady, as size
took out her purse to give the little beg.
gar some change. "ies, I'm q poor
boy" said the young rascal. squeezing
tear out Of his eye, land have four
sick mothers to support" The lady
put her purse back, shook her head and
walked away.
IV young gentleman Of Kilkenny.
meeting handsome milkmaid near the
parade. said, What will YOU take for
yourself and your milk, my dear?" The
girl instantly replied, Yourself and q
good ring, sir!'
ETA boarler after vainly endeavor.
ing to masticate piece Of fowl, laid
down his knife and fork, saying: "All
the trainings, trad itions, and teachings
of my youth, my sense of propriety, and
the commands Of Holy Writ. compel me
TO respect old age; but I'll he blowed
If can bring myselfto stomach it when
roasted or boiled"
sY"A subscriber" who has been
reading about the blue light cure, asks
us if blue stockings are healthy? We
believe they are. At least we never
heard of blue stockings, feeling ''unwcll.
WHAT ADVERTISING \ LADY DIP
Rev. DIR. Jetcr, of Richmond. advertised
for s. lady friend IN tho Relioipne Hor1H