The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
FACTS AND FANCIES.

A WOMAN in Oshkosh ground nearly
half of shirt through a clothes-wringer
last Monday before discovering that her
baby was in the shirt. 1t was an awful
strain on the wringer.
"MY friend, don't you know that it is
very dangerous to take nap while the
train is in motion2 "Why soW ex-
claimed the individual, waking UP
"Why sop "Because this train runs
over sleepers."
"Do believe in second lover II
man buys a pound of sugar, isn't it
sweet? And when its gone, don't he
want another pound; and isn't that as
sweet, too? Troth, Murphy, believe
in second love-"
"YoUNG man do you know what rele-
tions you sustain in this world P' said a
minister of our acquaintance to young
member of the church. eyes, sir" said
the hopeful convert-"two cousins and a
grandmother but don't intend to sus-
tain them a great while longer"
Few men have a strictly mathemati-
cal mind, but we never knew one who
couldn't calculate within a sixteenth of
began when he was shoveling snow OF
ACCORDING TO the Chicago Journal,
putting on overcoats while the doxolOgy
is being sung is one of the sins of this
nation. Blessed is he who does not own
an overcoat, for he sins not by putting it
on before the benediction is pronounced.
CELIA LOGAN says that when New
York actors want a dress rehearsal in a
part before they venture to perform to a
metropolitan audience they go over to
Newark, New Jersey, engage a hall and
play it. This they call "trying it on
dog"
A SAILOR was recently brought before
a magistrate for beating his wife, when
the magistrate attempted to reach his
heart by asking him if he did not know
that his wife was the "weaker vessel"
t'If she is, she oughtn't TO carry 50 much
sail /" replied Jack.
THIS telephone will soon revolutiOnize
domestic affairs, for the man, instead of
blushingly telling his wife at the supper
table that he will be detained at his
office, can go down town, and whisper
through the telephone that it is lodge
City Derrick.
OF young "Corneel," the elder Cor
nelius Vanderbilt once said: "That
could get it." So he didn't leave much
money to the boy, which is the cause of
the war against the will Of the wise
father who knew his child.
SEVERAL holes were charged in drift
in a gold hill mine. One blast failed to
go off. One ofthe miners was ordered to
go in and see what the matter was. "NO,
sor," he said, firmly; 81 was blown up
In To1iforpu ruonaa that vuau arj I'D
rather lave me work than be kilt again"
A BLUFF country farmer meeting the
parson of the parish in by-lane, and not
giving him the way as readily as ke
expected, the parson, with an erect
than taught" every true, indeed, sir"
said the farmer, "for you teach me andI
feed myself"
BRIGHAM YOUNG, JR,. is organizing
n Salt Lake city company of five hun
lred Mormon families, which will colon
re in Sonora, MEXICO. The Mexican
have promised perfect re-
igious liberation, and large grants of
and. A rendezvous of the colOnists will
De established at st. George, Utah, and
he march TO the new land will be taken
Up April 10.
A TEXAS newspaper informs It's read
,rs what kind of people they want in
hat state. They have twice too many
loctors and nine times too many lawyers.
N fact, they propose to "swap OFF, ten
awyers for one northern farmer, They
would like few more good preachers
md great many less poor Ones. But
he great want is farmers "five million
rood farmers" will receive welcome
within the borders of Texas. But they
want "early-rising, hard-workiDg, sober,
.Ood-managing men,"
A RHODE ISLAND man recently told
lis son to cut a hole in the barn so that
he cat could go in and out, the barn
,eing infested with mice. The boy did
o, locating it just where the barn deor
7hen open, would cover the hole. "HOw
n thuEder is the cat to get into the barn
1hen the hole is covered % asked tho
revoked father. "Why, through tho
oor, of COURSE" replied the son. The
aren't suddenly remembered that he
yanted something in the house, and
,ent in after 1t.