, 1877-02-09
DON Piatt Bull-DO.ss Chandler.

We had a speck Of war in Zach.
Chandler's domain the other day. It
seems that veteran of the war of ~
walked from the interior of Virginia
somewhere, and visited the department
in search of a pension. Being leg
weary and faint, he seated himself in
what he thought was a cozy little recep-
ton room. This proved to be the ele-
vator, and the conductor, q lad, thinking
the old vet wished to ascend, started
the machine. Now the venerable gent
in search of a pension had never seen
or heard of an elevator, and he was
frightened nigh unto death. He had
read in several papers and dime novels
of. devilish contrivances of rooms that
sank to murder inoffensive travellers,
and so, frantic with alarm, he jumped
up and seized the poor lad by the
throat, yelling like o steam whistle at
the same time. Thepoor boy, thinking
an old maniac was trying to throttle
him, stopped the elevator. Unfortu-
nately it halted between two floors, and
the combatants were beyond reach. 1t
calls for the gifted pen of q Reynolds to
depict that strife. The old man clung
to the throat of the boy and yelled.
The boy tried for the hair of the vet,
and failing to find any, went to illus
trating his aged countenance with his
nails, and yelled. Each meant death to
the other. 1t was terrific. Youthful
innocence against aged insanity. Think
of It'll The inquirer did. Hearing the
row he started the machine, and stop
ping it at an opening the two shot out,
running in different directions, both
making the building ring with their
cries. The excitement throughout the
department was intense. Clerkesses
screamed and tainted, while the clerks
fed wildly to the nearest sample-rooms
and coffee houses, where they announced
that the threatened war had broken out
and old Zach. was being bull-dozed by
Confederates. As for Zachariah, he
rung all the bells and shouted in vain
for messenger, and when at last such
came, he found the ''wah-hoss" all
equipped. BE had on broad leather
belt With q huge bowieiknife at his
back; a revolver in one hand, and that
famous swivel-headed cane in the other.
Where is he?" demanded the Mich
igander.
"Who, sir?"
.Why, Dion Pott; you ass; 1 want to
hu him Washington Capital.
Nor Down ON THE B111s.-The Lon
don Echo describes an amusing scene
which was recently enacted at the Vi
emma Stadt Theatre. German actors are
very fond Of dogs, which are in con-
slant attendance on them. The animals
are generally put together in the ward
robe while their masters are acting on
the stage, and in the intervals between
the acts they are temporarily released.
During recent performance Of LEAR"
large dog belonging to Herr Bukovics
escaped from the wardrobe at the
exciting moment when Edmund lay
wounded on the ground. The dog
sprang upon the stage, aud after making
afew turns, utterly unmindful of the
stage managers frantic whistling, walk
ed up to the dead Edmund, and shifted
all over him. Edgar seized his sword,
and tried to drive off the animal, but it
was of no avail. Then King Lear rush
ed in, shouting, sHuelt, huelt, hueN,
y Menschenl" The dog comprehended
the " huelt, and began to bark most
vigorously. The tragedy was turned
into burlesque.
WHEN the first newspaper was started
In Japan the editor asked japanese
gentleman if he wished to have the
paper sent regularly. ''No, l thank
you; l have a copy" he replied. The
gentleman of the old school had no idea
tnat newspaper contained fresh matter
with every issue.