The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-09-15
NUMBER %.
PASSING SMILES.

PRAISE is de0t we owe TO the virtues
of others, and due unto our own from
all whom malice hath not made mute or
envy hath struck dumb.
A YOUNG lady engaged TO be married,
and getting sick of her bargain, applied
to friend to help her unite the knot
before it was too late. 90 certainly"
he replied; "it's very easy to unite it
now while it's beau knot"
"WHEN," asks an exchange, " does a
boy really begin to realize the stern real
tiles of lifeT' Why, when he finds him.
self upa tree in melon patch, with the
farmers faithful bulldog mounting
/ guard at his base, and the farmer Just
heaving in sight with shotgun. That's
when.
SURE RESULT.
GIVEN, a wide, old country place,
With vines and porches plenty;
A youth, with sentimental face,
And maidcn under twenty.
Given the idle, lingering days
Of the sweet midsummer weather;
| The two in search Of shady ways,
"By chance y are thrown together.
Behold outlying every bloom, ~
1 Up springs the Eden noweri
Whose leaves may hold y iiie's perfume,
Or wither In an hour,
--Beffou Frec yrtss.
A WOMAN was latey charged with try
ing to poison her husband. The unfor-
tunatc man was in the witness box.
Suddenly his wife exclaimed: Your
Honor, all that has been said till now is
mere invention. You can not sentence
me without proof. l demand an au-
topsy."
| "SoAK," is the only japanese equiva-
lent of "baptizc,' and the Japanese
Bible consequently reads, according to a
religious paper, the Alliance, Gin those
days came John, the soaker, preaching
in the wilderness, saying, Repent and
be soaked, every one Of YOU
New York Graphic: Ingenuity is
rapidly creeping over the South. An
artificial gs'-leg factory has been
started at Memphis. Mutton is the
base. Thus is the once PROSTATE land
Of the Magnolia arising like u gent 70
take her place among the industrial
leaders of the earth.
BURLINGTON Hawkeye. We still hear
occasionally of the tender, passionate,
worshiping lover, who lies in ambush
| for the idol of his hearts affections, and
cuts her head off with Ratchet because
she will not marry him. II is getting
to be safer for u girl TO shoot man
when he proposes than to reject him.
And TINT possibility makes II very UNI
pleasant for the man when he tasks"
SAID Poughkeepsie alderman to n
Kingston alderman after Centennial in
PRODUCTION: Where's Hall ?" What
Hall?'' said the Kingston alderman.
Z" Alcohol replied Poughpeepsie.
cob" said Kingston, he's with John."
" What John?'' said Poughkeepsie.
Dcmijohn, said Kingston, and then
both crawled into the hold Of canal
boat and died.
A cURATE, at the close of sermon,
once said to his flock, Brethren, / give
you notice that, to avoid confusion, Il
shall during the week confess liars on
Monday, the coyetous on Tuesday,
slanderers on Wednesday, thieves on
Thursday, libertincs on Friday, and
the demi-monde on Saturday" He went
down TO the beach that week and lis
tened to what the wild waves were
saving, for he knew none of his peni-
tents would tell him anything.
THE Rev. DIR. McCosh, Of Princeton
College, tells story Of a negro who
prayed earnestly that he and his colored
brethren might be preserved from their
"upsettin' sins.r Brudder," said one
of his friends at the close of the meeting,
" you amt got de hang OBJ dat ar word.
] It's besettin', not upsettin'" Brud-
der" replied the other, If dats 20 it's
50. But I was prayin' de Lord to save
! us from de sin oh 'toxication, an eff dat
/ amt an upsettin' sin dunno whatam.'
LAURENT JAN, a Partisan Of some
prominence, who died recently, was one
day speaking in the highest terms OF the
wit and brilliancy of certain dramatic
author with whom he had violent
quarrel, and to whom he did not ever
speak: If you admire him SO much"
said a bystander, how is It that you
always turn your back upon him wher
you meetY "That is a different mat
ter" responded Laurent Jan, i am ex
tremcly fond Of ham, yet ! never associ-
ate with pigs"
BURLINGTON Hdckeye: Mr.. Darwin
is now engaged in the study OF tht
Baby" and has profound article on
that subject in the July number OF ar
English quarterly. When Mr.. Darwin,
in his researches and Investigations, dis
covers anything that will evolve the
collie out Of four-month old baby any
quicker than twelve-mile promenade
: in fourteen-foot room, will he kindly
address this office? 1t doesn't do q bit
of good to sing or declaim Hootchie,
pootchie, pudden and pie" Mr.. Darwin
we've tried that
DID you ever watch dear little baby
waking from its morning nap? 1t is one
Of the prettiest sights in the world - En-
change. 0, yes; we've watched EN-.
And we don't think it is very pretty
| sight, r,-not always. In nine cases
out Of ten the dear little baby" wakes
up with its mouth split open from ear 70
ear and yell issuing therefrom hall 9
mile in length and Of nearly the same
+ dimensions in breadth, and almost ~
deafening as the centennial steam FOG
whistle. Don't loaf around to. watch Z
dear little baby waking up from nap
/ -Norristotcn Herald.
Mr.. SECRETARY EvARTs is witty
t That was neat thing he said in his lit