Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-11-09
Il u N :

HUNTING FOR THAT KEY.-My wife |
looked worried and whispered that supper |
was ready but she couldn't find that pan
try key she knew the company was hun
cry, for it was late that sugar was in the |
pantry, and she couldn't find that key ;
wouldn't please find it ? Certainly, l
said, bless her heart don't be troubled,
III find it and started out quite cheer
fully. looked on the mantle piece and
the table, and side-board. 1t was very
evident it was not there, so [ said quite
gaily, it must be in the room. So went
into the spare room and looked on the bed
and the wash stand, the bureau and WIN
dow seat went in the parlor and looked
on the piano and the book case up stairs on
all the mantle-pieces, and beds and chairs
came back and asked if she aoas sure she
had it lately. She said she was certain that
she had it fifteen minutes ago. So looked
under the side-board and under the door
mat and on the fender, I went in the spare
room and looked in the CRATE and in the
water pitcher, under the pillows and on the
clock. I excused myself for interrupting
the company, but went in the parlor and
looked in the coal scuttle, shook the guitar
case, and looked behind the pictures, and
in the books, and in the flower vases, aud
shook all the shells. | then IAN up to our
room and looked in my boots, aud in the
pockets Of my Sunday coat, and then in all
of my wife's pockets.
came back into the dining-room and
found my wife and cook and the house girl
and two children all looking for the key.
[ asked my wife if she was right certain
that she had had the key to-day, but she
looked so hurt at me that I asked her to
forgive me, kissed her, vowed would nev-
er doubt her again, and went up stairs de-
claring I would find that key OF die. / got
a step ladder and looked on top OF the
wardrobe, in hat box, and a batch OF raw
cotton, and sixteen paper collar boxes
Then went in our room and took every
thing out of my wife's trunk and shook
them all carefully, and in hesoiled clothes
basket, and laid each piece in separate place
Oh the floor. [ looked up the chimney. L
went back in the dining room and stirred
in the grayey dish, and run the fork
through the butter, and looked in the
match safe, under all the plates and under
the beef steak. I went in the kitchen and
looked in the cupboard, the cooking stove,
the refrigerator, the rat trap, the coal pile,
the cider barrel and a rat hole. came back
book case, and the pier table, turned the
chairs up side down and looked under their
bottoms apologized to the company and
said we had only misplaced key a little
They looked hungry, and seemed truly
to sympathize with US. l heard my wife
and the cook and the house girl and the two
children in the cellar moving cord wood,
sheet iron, empty barrels and flower pots
I got ladder and went up into the attic
looked under the onions and on all the
strings Of red pepper, and then looked out
Oh the roof, and just to feel sure that had
not neglected any place, l looked down the
chimney and at the lightning rod. Com
ing down stairs I met my wife and
felt like telling her the key could not
possibly be i'll the house but she look
ed 50 troubled and worried that my
heart was touched and l. could'n,
say it: but Determined that W0nla han,
that key il would have to take up the
carpets and all the loose plastering. SO |
got the step ladder again and looked over
every door and window IN the house.
got down on the floor and felt all over the
carpets. [ looked in the dogs mouth, and
down both barrels of my shot gun: / haps
pened to think about Major Andre, and
felt in my boots. looked at the baby t.
see if he looked like he had swallowed any
thing. [ shook the broom and looked liz
the clock, poured out the ink. and looked
i'm the camphor bottle, and then came III
to the dining room and felt inside cold
turkey with spoon, looked in my pocket
book, blew through my flute, looked up at
the ceiling, felt in my hair nd down tie
back of my neck; looked under the cat,
and opened can Of oysters lhad to be
opened any how,) broke open loaf OF light
bread. and felt the pound cake (durned
thing might have got in the dough- l ha-
ted to say SO. but told my wife 1 would
Just have to give it up, but [ told her |
would have that door open if | had to blow
it open with glycerine. I got Ratchet,
and monkey-wrench, and poker and Il
boot jack. sent to six Of the neighbors
and borrowed all their keys. I picked out
one, and when | went to stick it in that
pantry lock there was that pantry key
sticking in the key hole.
A tourist, in search OF curiosities, COM
ing to a small stream, looked over his men,
GRANDEUR, and asked Dutchman near by
it this was Alder Creek. 'Yaw," was the
reoly, 'Dis vas all der creek vat I knows
about yust around here"
A Danbury man bewails the loss of a
model wife "She never wasted a solitary
thing. Let cat die around ouT house
and the first thing you know Mary Jane'd
llaye a muff and set of furs, and I'd be-
gin to find mince pie on the table,
"sores. if burglars should get into Your
house. what would you do q Id do What
ever they required OF ile. I've never had
say own way in that house yet, and it's
too late to begin new-yest alas too
late -
4 wonap pushing a baby cab with oHa
hand, holding up her skirts with the other
and carrying her parasol in her teeth, is a
sight which can only be seen since the new
fashion broke out.
4 tall man having rallied a friend Ola the