The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-08-09
FANCIE,S FOR THE FAIR.

WOMAN was never made to whistle,
and when she tries, it makes her whole
countenance look as if it had declared
war.
A PHOTOGRAPHER who can make a
mole on lady's chin appear like dim
pie in her picture has achieved the high
est standard of his profession.
Miss c. said gentleman, one
evening, "why are ladies so fond of
officers?'' Chow stupid!'' replied Miss
c.; :" is it not natural and proper
that lady should like an offer, sir ?'
''THIs summer, ladies are going to
dress their hair as they did three hun
dred years ago." says an exchange news
paper This makes some of the ladies
pretty old.
IT was a Vassar girl who, when a
sailor of forty years voyagings had been
pointed out to her as an cold SALT sub
sequently alluded to him as an ancient
chloride of sodium
MADAME" said a certain nameless
one to Mrs. Brown, the other day, "you
are talking simple rubbish % " Yes, sir, %
replied the ever-crushing lady, " be-
cause l wish you to comprehend me"
"HE is man after my own heart, pa, -
said Julia, reverting to Charles Augustus.
Nonsense replied old practical. " He
is a man after the money your uncle
left you" And then all was quiet.
THERE is an urgent demand for
women in the Black Hills. A newspaper
out there says that one thousand women
could find good husbands inside few
hours. We hope there won't be panic,
though, among the girls.
AN old lady crossed over bridge
marked Dangerous without seeing
the sign. On being informed of the fact
on the other side, she instantly turned in
great alarm and recrossed it.
SHE GOT IT.
He wiped his heated brow he did,
His brow intellectual;
But all he said about the heat
Was sadly Intellectual
But she, sweet lass, did say to him,
In mellow tones unwavering;
"Dear George, am so warm; I'd like
Ice cream, with lemon 1avoring.''
THERE is most interesting widow il
that appropriately-named town, Hazard
| vile, Conn. This lady has lost five hus
bands by powdermill explosions. Is she
alarmed? Is she discouraged? No
at all. She is about to be Joined t.
the sixth, and he is a powder miller
alsol
ELMIRA Aduertiser: "Suppose W.
pass a law" said a severe father to hi
daughters, "that no girl eighteen year
old who can't cook a good meal shall ge
married until she learns how to do it?
Why, then, we'd all get married a
seventeen" responded the girls in swee
chorus.
A CORRESPONDENT of Vanity Fai
writes: Lady - intends to give
series of strawberry-and-cream garden
parties in the country the week afte
next. I send you copy of her letter t.
her factotum: 'Tell the gardener to begil
growing strawberries Immediately, am
mind and don't have the COWS mike,
until we come down."
"IF you are stung by a wasp Will
picnicking," says a floating item, "ar
ply the end of a cigar which has bee
chewed for a few moments to tn
wound" Young ladies should remem
Der this, and always chew the end of
cigar few moments and place tn
"weed" in their pockets before startin
on picnic. The chewing process wi
make them so sick that they will nc
want to go to the picnic, and thus the
will escape being stung by wasp.
The philanthropic Burlington HaaO
Eye says: Careless, thoughtless NAL
you could do ever so much good in tn
sorrow-stricken old world if you woult
You can bring flush of pleasure to tt
homeliest woman that ever wore pimpl
on her nose by saying to your friend
, stage undertone, "What lovely ey
that girl has'' She might know yc
to be liar, but she would always graf
fully remember you as a Christian ge
tleman.
PRINCIPAL DICE, of the schools
Cincinnati, says: When young woms
commences to teach a school she los
g nine chances in ten for marriage.
S she teaches five years her chances f
S marriage and the dear delights of mothe
J. hood are but one in one hundred. and
r she teaches ten years her chances
marriage and good social position a
Cincinnati girls will take in washil
before they will teach school.
PENDLEToN (Ky.) Democrat: F
. Gently couple applied to magistra
" in the western end of our county to jo
y them in the bonds of wedlock The m
=. was hatless, coatless: and shoeless, a
the woman was nearly in the same &C
dition. They had no license from t
County Clerk, and no money to pay
- one, but desired the Justice of the Pea
~ to issue the license and perform
q ceremony needed, and rendered in pa
ment therefor to gather him a h
u !. bushel of walnuts this fall"
N Flying Power of Bees.
" National Repository for August.l