Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-12-27
Huln0r.

A suffering professor saws. Tho doc
planet" p-p-pup
The Mobile Register intimates that the
oouth wants farmers. Somebody to
raise Cain, We suppose. ~
Never write letters to a widow Cbo
always takes down the old hoy o1J
compares yours with the other mans
If the coinage of 20-cent pieces isn't
stopped, contribution boxes are going
to suffer 70 cents on the dollar.
What's a dollar ?" asks the Gronb;c
It's Just the same as gratitude; some
thing OF which we owe more than we
have.-Haukeye
A witness on the stand, in reply to a
question to what the character ofMr-
was Tor truth and veracity, said "WeU
carelessly" ''''-
General Grant has not vet mostarad
the vernacular sufficiently TO hold a
polite conversation in French Int he
smokes fiuently in that language.
A book canvasser, the other day.
talked half an hour to induce lady to
buy book. Then she handed him \
slip of paper, on which was written:
Tine defe and dumb"
There is 4 Georgia darkev who labors
under the hallucination that his rations
are brought him every day by an angel.
We should call that clear case of men
tai haif-a-ration.
Different countries have different
1 In i Al. 1
! bells on their necks. In America thew
sit with their legs clear across the aisle
OF street car.-DetIOa Free Press.
A negro in South Carolina, who was
complaining of the hard times, declared
they We're the hardest ever known.
why said he, g works all dav and
steals all night, and yet I'm blest i'll
kin make an honest living"
The owner of pair of bright eyes
says that the prettiest compliment she
ever received was from a child of four
years. The little fellow, after looking
intently at her for moment, inquired
naively, Are your eyes new ones ~
A Danbury young man nearly bank
rupted himself on visiting the daughter
of the owner of a New York aquarium
subsequently discovered to be Il fish
market -Danbluy N1qus.
The wife of a Texas sheep-raiser has
gone crazy over the disappearance of her
husband. Sheep-raise night and day
for his return.-Nev York Commercial.
An exchange wants to know how the
Turks happened to learn to fight so
we'll? Why, man, most of the Turkish
haN l,ol Il
An observing politician says that the
difference between those going in and
those going out of office is mainly this
the former are sworn in, and the latter
go out swearing.
Bill Shute was a member of the
Twenty-sixth While the BOYS crowded
around the old flag at the recent re-
union, Bill, with an irrepressible humor,
called out "Boys, L am no speaker,
but there's a blamed sight more of you
here than | ever saw in fight" This
brought down the hOuse-FrdnkEn (Ky.)
Review.
The crisis of the battle which forced
from the Iron Duke the cry for "nigh.
or Butcher" was paralleled in that
tremendous moment of the vote on the
New York appolntm whenwe may
easily imagine the Iron President as
crying out " Oh for Christmas or Stan
ley Matthews" St Louis GloJe-DemO-
crat.
81 like my mother" said Billy Blick-
ers to his Sunday school teacher, " like
everything, but when she makes me set
in the house an rot the baby all the /
time when hand organ with monkey
is over to Gidakers, it makes me spunky
an cross, an [ forgits that it's bad to
wish [ was an orfun SOS [ could skite
away an git to be pirate with long
whiskers an red boots"
How often, o, how Often, a man with
only one solitary button on his shirt,and
that one brass pin, looks with devour-
ing envy upon his wife's new seven
button kid gloves, and wishes all the
shirts in his collection were Just one
glove. There does seem to be some
thing wrong in this division of but
tons.