Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-08-22

IlarNdru boys Drains measure sixteen
inches round the upper arm.
The vilest sinner may home return,
while the street lamp holds out to burn.
A Cincinnati widow advertised for
every Christian in the city, to send her
ten cents She realized twenty cents.
A missing man was lately advertised
for, and described as having Roman
nose He won't be found Such
nose as that will never turn up.
A crusty bachelor explains that the
reason q woman puts finger in her
mouth when she thinks, is because she
cannot talk and think too
A Boston man has listened to fifty one
Fourth of July orations. He can still
sit up by leaning against something, but
he is deliriOus at times.
"The sacred heavens around him
shine, wrote the poet The compositor
put it: "The sacred hyenas around him
whine"
A western debating society has been
struggling with the question: "Do boys
or girls make the most noise?" 1t was
finally decided that they do
A down town man who went to church
preferred the organ to the preacher.
He said there seemed to be a stop to
the organ.
Now sit me down to eat,
This hash Of ancient chopped up meat
If [ should choke upon tack,
pray the cook to pound ny back.
Somebody remarks that young ladies
look upon a boy as a nuisance until he
is past the age of sixteen, when he gen.
orally doubles up in value each year
until, like colOred meerschaum pipe,
| he is priceless.
The body Of man who was carried
over Niagara Falls has been recovered
from the whirlpool. 1t was stripped as
clean as if it had fallen among the hack
men.
Presbyterian Minister" Don't you
know it's wicked to catch fish on the
Sabbath!?" Small Boy mot having had
rise all the morning Who's CATCH
in fish ?"-Pu,ach.
"Do you reside in this city ?" asked a
masked man of a masked lady at a
masked party the other evening. He
felt sick when she said to him, in q low
voice, Don't be fool, John; [ know
you by the wart on your thumb" 1t
was his wife
An old bachelor was counting widow,
and sought the art to give their fading
hair darker shade "That's going to
be an afectionate couple" said wag
How SOP asked a friend: "Why, don't
you see that they are dying for each
other already?" was the reply.
| A modest young husband sent the fol
lowing message over the wires to his
friends: "See ninth chapter of Isaiah,
sixth verse" The old Bible was taken
down in an instant, and the above chap
ter and verse were hunted out, and were
found to explain all. The verse reads:
I" Lo! unto us child is born-unto us a
son is given
The train stops, and the brakeman, in
a hoarse voice and in an absolutely I'M
Ineligible way, announces the name of
the station. "Speak more distinctlyw
exclaims passenger; II can't hear
word of what you say" Whats that
to me-" replied the brakeman. "You
can't expect to have a tenor for $50 a
month";"
What are those purple posies down
by the brooke" asked Gus. eff you
mean," replied Clara, "those glorious
masses Of empurpled eflorescence, that
bloom in basky dells and fringe the
whipping streamlets, they are campa-
nula rotundiflora. Gus plays billiards
for living and Clara goes to girls
college.
A Pennsylvania Dutchman, who mar
ried his second wife soon after the flu
neral of the first was visited with two
hours serenade, in token of disapprov-
al. He expostulated pathetically thus
: [ say, poys, you ought to pc ashamed
Of yourselfs to pc making all dis noise
yer dar vas funeral here SO soon"
A young gentleman Geographic ope-
rator in San Diego, Cal, after repeated
calls for lady operator in another office,
at last got a response, and then, click,
click, click" (fortissimo, he telegraphed
to her vehemently, q have been trying
to get you for the last hour!" In mo-
ment the following spicy reply came
tripping back to him over the wires
from the Geographic maiden: That's
nothing; there is a young man here who
mas been trying to do the same thing
or the last two wears. and he hasn't cot