Ottumwa weekly courier., 1877-08-15
Made Him Marry the Girl,
Mark rwain's Latest Joke.

mark vW0in'0 Latest Joke.
| Correspondence Boston Herald.) Il
HARTFORD, July 2l.-A good stofy
about Mark Twain is just beginninl
to leak out here. Some time ago ht
went on visit to Elmira, n. Y, leav
ing his quaint house among the treel
ON Pennington avenue in charge o1
his servants. Nearly two weeks ago
an item was published in the Hart.
ford daily papers chronicling an inef.
fectual attempt to rob the humorist's
residence. The story was that a man
presented himself at the door one
day, saying that he had been sent by
the gas company to inspect the meter
and pipes. The servant, who had
not the slightest suspicion, allowed
the stranger to enter and do as he
| pleased. When he supposed no one
was watching his movements, he hid
himself away in dark corner, (oi
which there are many in the old cha
let, and waited for darkness. But
the girl, who had watched his move
ments, went and procured assistance,
and had the intruder 'bounced" with
out ceremony. When Mr.. Clemens
heard the story in Elmira he thought
he smelled a very large rat, and has
tened to Hartford for the purpose of
ferreting it out. His theory was that
one OF the servant girls must have
had beau, who was admitted to the
house at unusual hours, and that, be-
ing caught in the act, this means of
concealing the real truth OF the mat
ter was adopted. With all the sagac-
ity of an ex-journalist he followed
his clue, but could not establish the
theory he had formed.
But while pursuing his investiga-
ton he learned that one of the girls,
who had been member of his fami-
ly long time, was really guilty of
having a male admirer, who occa-
sionally shared the hospitality of the
house unknown to tho proprietor.
She was q buxom English girl, with q
handsome form and bright, cheer
full face. Faithful in the performance
OF her duties, and always solicitous
for the best interests of the family,
she had made herself almost invalua-
BILE to the household. The high es-
TEEN in which Mr.. Clemens held her
no doubt influenced his course. He
was sorry to part with the girl who
had served him we'll, but, seeing no
other alternative, quickly matured q
plan that should "let her down easy"
After q long hunt he succeeded in dis
covering the young fellows name.-
When that was gained Mr.. Clemens
went down town and procured q mar
riage certificate. Returning he stop.
ped at the residence of Rev. Mr..
Twitchell, pastor of the Asylum St
Church, and took him into his car.
riage. Arriving home, the first thing
done was to send for the young man
who soon appeared, somewhat fright
ened at the summons. From his
dress and general appearance OF de-
cay 1t was evident that ms circum.
stances were not those Of violent
prosperity. When he was brought
in Mark braced up and tried to looi
dignifed. This is aboutthe dialogue
that ensued:
Mark-So, young man, you have
been in the habit Of making hotel
of my house-with all the modern
improvements. silence unbroken
by the young man.. Well, as YOU
don't offer any objections, we'll take
that part of the matter TOR granted
II your offense had stopped at tina
point it would have been all right
am glad to entertain company-yes
if you had mentioned 1t, l would
have had the house refurnlshed fol
you. All that and more, | would
have done gladly for Q guest. Blu
when you [dignity and pathosl- j
when you ALLEVIATE the affections Of
Maria Jane, when you descend upor
this peaceful fold with base designs
like wolf in sleeps clothing, as i
were-that l cannot forgive.
I. M.--lWith humlilty)-H you
please sir, | amt got no sheep's cloth
ing.
Mark-(examining the fabric oftht
young man clothing)-Ah, perceive
my error; 1t is cotton, not WOOL
However, was speaking metaphori
cally. AS intimated before, l can
not endure the thought OF having
my home, which until your fell pres
ence, had been the abode Of limo
cence, turned into kennel OF wrong
doing. When You sought that enc
you not only wounded me mortally
but you aroused my wrath; and
young man. when I'm mad, I'm bao
crowd. In the first throes OF m!
passion was doubtful whether te
have you arrested for murder in th'
first degree, Or
AT this point the young man show