The Republican journal., 1877-08-23
Mark Twain's Latest Joke.

Hartford letter 70 the Boston Herald
A good story about Mark Twain Is just begin
ming to leak out here. Some time ago he went
ii visit to Emra, n. Y, leaving his quaint house
among the trees on Pennington Avenue i'll charge
OF his servants. Nearly two weeks ago an item
published i'll the Hartford daily papers chroni-
cling an Intellectual attempt to rob the humorst's
residence. The story that man presented
himself at the door day, saying that he had
been sent by the Gas Company to inspect the
meter and pipes. The servant, who had not the
slightest suspicion, allowed the stranger to enter
and do as he pleased When lie supposed no one
was watching his movements, he hid himself away
Id dark corner, (of which there are many i'll the
odd chaet and waited for darkness. But the girl.
who had watched his movements, went and pro
cured assistance, and had the intruder bounced
without ceremony When Mr.. Clemens heard the
story Ill Elmira. he thought he smeled Il very
large rat and FASTENED to Hartford with the pur-
pose OF ierreting 1t out His theory was that one
Of the servant girls must have had beau who
was admitted to the house at unusual hours.
and that, being caught i'll the act, this means OF
conccaling the real truth of the case was adopted.
With all the sagacity Of an ex journalist he fol
lowed his clue, but could not establish the theory
he had formed
But willie pursuing his Investigations hc learned
that Of the girls, who had been a member Of
his family long time, was really guilty of having
a male admirer. who occasionally shared the hoSpl-
tality OF the house unknown to the proprietor.
She was buxom English girl, with handsome
form and bright cheerful face Faithful i'll the
performance OF her duties, and always sollct"uS
for the best interest Of the family, she had made
herself almost invaluable to the household. The
high esteem in which Mr. Clemens has ALWAYS held
her no doubt influenced his course He WAS sorry
to part with the glrl who had served him we'll but
seeing no other alternative quickly matured Il plan
that should ''let her down easy. After long
hunt he succeeded in discovering the Young fellows
name When that was gained Mr. Clemens went
down town and procured marriage certificate
Re'drning he stopped at the residence of the Rev.
M Twtchell, pastor of the Asylum street Church,
and took him into his carriage. Arrived home, the
first thing done to send for the Young man.
who soon appeared, somewhat frightened ut the
summons From his dress and general appearance
of decay it was evident that his circumstances
were not those of violent prosperity.
When he was brought in Mark braccd up and
tried to look dgnited. This was about the dia
logue that enSued
Mark-So. Young man. YOU have been in the
habit of making 4 hotel of my house. ISleucc
unbroken by the young man. Well as YOU don't
"tfcr any objections we'll take that part Of the
matter tOr granted If your otcnsc mad stopped
at that point It would have been all right. am
ALWAYS glad to entertain company-ycs, if YOU had
mentioned it wonld have had the house refur
nished for you. All that and more would have
gladly done for Il guest But when You ldi@nltN
and path"s when you ALLEVIATE the affections of
Maria Jane. when YOU descend upon this peaceful
fold with base designs Hike Il wult in Sleeps cloth
ing, as il We're that cannot forgive.
Y M.-Lwith humilityi If YOU please sir amt
got no Sleeps clothing,
Mark Examining the fabric of the Young mans
coat l-Ah | perceive my error: il is cotton, not
wool. However | speaking mctuphorcuiv.
As | said before, ! cannot endure the thought ui
having my home which until YOUR fell presence,
had been the abode Of luuocrucc, turned INTO a
kennel Of wrong doing. When YOU sought thar
end You not only wounded me nort0lly, but loU
aroused my wrath and young man. when ln
mad, I'm bad crowd. In the first throeS ul my
passion, was doubtful whether to have ynu AT
rested for murder in the first degree, or
At this point the young man showed symptoms
Of terror But continued Mark lit suddenly
occurred to me that ; certain Pennsy lvaua Judge
-lpe Bradley, believe once ruled that in eases
Of arson the fellow must marry the girl; and 50
conclude that You must answer To the crime of
arson i'll other words, YOU must get hltehrd To-
Maria Jane
Apparently, Marks victim was relieved. but he
still doubtful. He said III you please. SIT,
I'd be glad to marry Maria, hut | couldn't support
her. | amt got no money, and can't get no work
1 mean to marry her some time sir. honest and
true do
Mark-Thats altogether too thin. Young man.
You marry Maria right here and now, or up you
90 for arson
Y. M.-WeIl, sir if it comes to that. Of course
I'll marry her.
Mark That's the kind of talk | like. Here
Twitchrll Maria Jane! Come here.
And the two people namcd followed by the other
servant. entered the room the marriage ceremony
was performed, and Mark and the second @ir sign.
ed the certificate witnesses After that Mark
paid the minister gave the couple 500 in cash,
the way, he ascrbcd to IIoyle--to ''go and sin mo