Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1877-04-24
MIS ELL NE O US.
The Husband in the Kitchen.
HOW HE GOT DINNER.

Once upon time there was a man SO
surly and cross that he thought that his wife
never did anything right in the house. So
one evening in hay making time he came
home scolding, and showing his teeth and
making dust.
"Desr love, don't, that's good man" said
his goody ''to>morrow let's change our work;
| I'll go with the mowers and NOW, and you
shall mind the house."
Yes the husband thought that would do
we'll. He was quite willing, ho said.
So early next morning his goody took
scythe over her shoulder and went out into
the hay field with tho mowers and began to
now: but the man was to mind the house
and do the work at home.
First of all he wanted to churn butter and
when he had churned awhile he got thirsty
aud went down to the cellar to tap barrel of
ale. So, just when he had knocked in the
bung, aud was putting the tap in the cask,
he heard the pig come into tho kitchen over
head. Then off he ran up the cellar stairs,
with the tap in his hand, as fast as he could,
to look alter the pig lest it should upset the
churn. But when he got up and saw that
the pig had already knocked the churn over
and stood there roofing and gruntng among
the cream, which was running all over the
floor, he got so wild with rage that he quite
forgot the ale barrel and rushed at the pig as
hard as he could. He caught it, too, just as
it ran out of the door. and gave it such q
kick that piggy lay for dead on the spot
then all at once he remembered that he had
the tap in his hand and when he got down
to the cellar every drop of ale had run out
of the cask.
Then he went into the dairy and found
enough cream left to fill the churn again,
and so he began to churn, for the butter be
must have for dinner. When be had
churned bit he remembered that the milk
ing cow was still shut up in the barn, and
hadn't had bit to eat or a drop to drink all
morning, though the sun was high. Then
all at once he thought it was too far to take
her to the meadow, so he'd just get her up
on the house top, for the house, you must
know, Was thatohed with sods, and . fne
crop Was growing there. Now their house
lay close up against steep down, and be
thought if he had plank across to the thatoh
at the back he'd easily get the cow mp.
But still be couldn't leave the churn, for
there was his little babe crawling about on
the floor, and if he lcft it he thought the
child was sure to upset it. So he took the
churn on his back and went out with it; but
then he thought he'd better first water the
COW before he turned her out on the thatch;
SO he took up bucket to draw water out Of
the we'll but as he stopped down at the
wells brink all the cream ran out Of tho churn
over his shoulders aud SO down into the WE'LL
Now it was near dinner time, and lie had
not even got the butter yet; SO he thought
he had better boil the porridge, and filled
the pot with water and hung it over the FIRE.
When be bad done that he thought the cow
might perhaps fall off the tha,ch and break
hnr Sn ha nm ha honsa
to tie her up. One end of the rope be tied
fast to the cows neck, and the other he Slip
ped down the chimney and tied round his
own thigh ; and be began to make haste, for
the water now began to boil in the pot and
he had still to grind the oatmeal.
So he began to grind away but while be
was hard at it down fell the COW off the
house top after ALL and as she fell she drag
ged the man up the chimney by the rope.
There he stuck fast, and as for the cow, she
hung half way down the wall, swinging be-
tween heaven and earth, for she could neither
get up nor down.
And now the goody had waited seven
lengths aud seven breadths for her husband
to come and call them to dinner; but never
call had they had. At last she thought
she'd waited long enough and went home
But when she got there and found the cow
hanging in such an ugly place she ran up aud
cut the rope in two with her seythe. But as
she did this down came her husband out of
the chimney, and so when his old dame came
inside the kitchen. there she found him stand
ing on his head in the porridge pot.
A THRIFTY FAMILY The Coiners, in
South River district of Augusta county. arc
a numerous and well.to. do family. OF III
letter "Cs" on the district assessors books,
81 are Coiners. They own one>si1th of the
whole property in the district, and one-nin.h
of the whole acreage. On the assessors
books the "Cs" are put down for Is, Ill acres
of land, worth 1855, ,2s7, and of this the
Coiners own II. 2.5s9 acres, worth s293 156.
leaving only s62. 131 worth of land owned by
the other ''Cs." 1t is also pretty strong
election days with 125 votes.
4Staunton Tindicator.