South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-03-02

LADIES IN the ltNSSlln department were
made OF malachite exclaimed: .'siy
goodness thought MaIachite was one
Of the prophets"
~"Pm not much for shtump spak.
in" declared candidate. "Dus for
honesty and capacity md integrity
bate the divil--so do
The FoUR-YEAR-OLD's PRAYER
Her father has been away from the city
on business for two weeks, and the mo.
Their has taught the little one to con-
clude her evening prayers with land
please watch over my papa" Last eve.
ming the little lady solemnly clapped
her hands and said, please watch over
my papa, and you'd better keep an eye
on mamma, to."-Rochcster Democrat.
ESrA little girl, after listening some
time to her fathers fault-6nding with
the servant girl, exclaimed: "Stop
scolding Bridget, papa; she amt your
wife,"
EV"Good morning, Donelly / hear
your daughter has baby; is it n boy
or Girl?' Shure, Miss, it's meself as
doesn't yet know for the life of me II r
am grand father or grand mother
bedad.'
LEA little boys first pair of trousers
always lit,i the pockets are deep enough
tV Minister (portentiously): flames.
this is very dreadful thing! You have
heard there is bank note MISSING from
the box?" james (thc sexton. who is
strongly suspectcd) decd. sir, so thew
were telling me- Miuister(solemnlv y
james, you and alone had access to
that box" James: "It's just rs We saw.
sir; it must lie between us twa. AM
the best way'll be, you to pay the twa
half, an I'll pay the tither, an say ma
mair about it,
10 Somebody said to Robert Hall:
"How many discourses do YOU think
Mr.. Hall, may minister get up each
week." Answered Hall: IF he is a
deep thinker and great condenser, lie
may get up one; if lie is an ordinary
man. two; but if he is an ass, sir, he
will produce half dozen"
Ia Two sable philosophers took n shell. |
Ter under the same tree during n heavy
shower. After some time, one Of them
complained that he felt the rain. NE.
Der mind," replied the other; "dere's
plenty of trees. When dis I'm is wet
Though well 60 to dc oder"
t%1 Some sheep belonging to a farmer
named Reed having been stolen in the
neighborhood of colliery village in
Durham England, while the thief was
still undiscovered, q local preacher, hay.
ing collection to make, thought he
would turn the event TO good account;
so he said: I'VE have collection to
make this morning, and for the glory
OF God, whichever Of you stole Mr..
Reeds sheep don't put anything on the
PLATED" or course every body joined in
the collection.
GH He came to his mother, looking
very forlorn, with a big red swelling {
under his left eye, and four or five
handfuls Of torn shirt boiling over his
breeches band. "Why, where on earth
have you been?" she asked, "Me and
Johnny's been playin'. He played he
was pirate, and / played / was duke.
Then he put on airs, and got mad, :
and" Yes, yes!" interrupted his 9
mother, her eyes flashing and you didn't ,
ilinch?' mo mother; but the pirate
licked"
TIE Man VINO KNEw.-Oncc in a
great while n man can stand on street I
corner in Detroit and ask question
which can't be answered, but such in. {
stances are very rare. Yesterday noon :
when an old citizen made an inquiry OF :
a crowd at the post.offlce, it wasn't q {
second before Inc was being answered.
lie started out with the remark that be
was nearly sixty years old, and ended
by asking:
"Can anybody tell me why we have
this warm spell called Indian Summer"
yes, sir" was the pro npt answer. ,
"It is TO give certain persons n chance
to wash up and get on n clean shirt be. ,
fore Winter sets in for good
The old resident coughed several
times, took another look at the sky, and