The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1877-03-29
ALL SORTS.

Senator Sherman has little adopted dauSu-
ter whom he took from New York orphan
asylum when she was baby.
A Vermont newspaper recently closed an
obituary OF a young lady thus: ''She had an
amiable temper and was uncommonly fond
of ice cream"
Court Scfouvalof isn't making much OF
success as dplomatist: but what handy
chap he must be with a front sidewalk, after
big snow storm
Mistress ito new scrvant)-',You know,
Mary, don't allow any followers" Mary
-s'Good gracious, mum! then what's to be-
come of all the cold meat AID pies ~
Charles Gay, OF Iowa, has been in the habit
ofiumping off bridges for purse of three
dollars TIE price was so low that he could't
afford to come to the surface when he leaped
the other day.
Mrs. George S. jackson, OF Boston, is fol-
lowing the good example set by Eugenie
when Empress of the French, in collecting
money for the redemption OF articles pawaed
by the working people of the city. -
The real sabre of Osmal is not at the Mos
que Of Eyouh, but belon.s to the Grand
Duke Constantine. of Russia. to whom it was
given by friend who purchased it from its
huneer-stricken custodian. Murad V. was
girded with a copy OF the original
Landlady Ito boarder who has passed his
cup six times)-s'You are very fond of coffee,
Mr.. Smith," Mr.. Smith-.Ycs, ma am, it
looks as if was, when am willing to swal-
low so much water for the sake of getting
little"
A Spaniard and an American were recent
ly dining together in New Orleans. The Tor
mer in passing dish of brains to the latter
said: ssWhat you lack!" The American Of
fering the Spaniard plate Of tongue answer
ed: s'What you have a surplus OF. ''-NeD Or
leans Picayuae.
What would you do if mamma should die?'
she pathetically asked of her little three-year
old daughter, 81 don't know" remarked
the infant, with downcast eyes and a melan-
choly face: 81 thspose I should have to
thpank mythelf. Graphic.
ssMadam, did you ever lift dog by the
tail?, 81 Didn't know, because just saw
YOU carry your little child across gutter by
one arm. A dogs tail is good deal strong
er than the lgamruts of a baby's shoulder"
| evil yo.. take sn'thng?:," said festive
chap as he entered one OF the city saloons.
| s.Don't care if do" drawled out two or
three s'setters,' rs they advanced toward
the bar. s'Well, 90 take a walk, exclaimed
the chap, as he gulped down his and slid out.
l-Swacuse Journal.
| Alta dinner given by some Chinese mechaats
| in San Francisco to some Americans the 9TH
er day, the latter were astonished in drink
| ing the ebb to hear a celestial remind the
board that, ssYou know what the Governor
of North Carolina said to the Governor OF
South Carolina: cts IL long time between
drinks
The Peoples and the Safeguard Life In
surance Companies OF Philadelphia are burst
bubbles, The Peoples ''assets'' consisted
solely of a mortgage of $4,000 on mythical
property, and 100000 in the stock OF a
manufacturing company that had no exist
ence. The Safeguards only property was
some forged bonds of a railroad company.
The honeymoon had long gone by when q
melancholy husband YEARLY confessed him
self to friend. '.What do you think!
could never have imagined it! In the first
DAYS of our married life she was an angel
so dear and lovely that l could have eaten
her up.n .sAnd now?" asked friend. Snow
; repent of not having done it"
!, ssIt's all very well,'' remarked red-nosed
man, in bad hat and an ulster of che vim
tage of '73, sits all very we'll to say let busi-
ness revive; but what we want, sir, is conf
3 dence public confidence, sir. Each OF US
. must be Hing to bring out our boarded
dollars and put them once more in circuia.
t ton. Then the skies will brighten; then
+ by the way, changed my vest this morning
Y lend me fifty cents, will your" IS
+ A Brooklyn butcher has an intelligent
/. German clerk who is trying to learn English
: by looking up in the dictionary every wore
e he hears but does not understand. few
!. DAYS ago a lady customer, in her effort te
. explain what cut of meat she wanted and
e why she wanted it, mentioned that she att
e her beef cooked rare. ''Rare?" he repeated
ssRare? Vat ish dat? Oh, yes; know
R-a-r-e-'yery seldom"
a An extraordinary suit was brought before
T. a San Francisco court on March sth. Fran
g els Skeffington, who is penniless, sued hi!
7. son John, who is very rich, for alimony ant
IL counsel fees. The plaintiff urged that HI
was the author of Johns being, and ough
to be led, clothed and housed in his old ag
= at Johns expense. Judge Wheeler rule'
IS that the law did not compel son to supper
) his father, and that the old gentleman wa
1t not entitled to alimony.
- A young man in Dubuque, Iowa, went t
country dance the other night, and di
y not return to his home until the church bell
were ringing the next morning. His fathe
told him he must 60 to meeting, and h
;, went. Before the minister had finished tn
~ opening prayer he was SQUAD asleep, an
-, dreaming Of the dance. An old lady wi
lie Sal utAt W uitu tOuCtlcu HIS manu- W dTOus
90 him, whereupon he seized her wrist ar
- shouted, s'All join hands and circle to I'll
q left. Swing the girl with the blue dress on
Sc 1t is told of the Presidents son, Mr.. Wei
nd Hayes, that when he returned from cole
&c it occurred to him that he might be mo
n muscular Christian than was his distingus
ed father. Accordingly, he gave GOO
humored challenge to wrestling match
ng that kindly person. and it was instantly
ST. cepted. There was picturesque strug,
x. for few minutes, and somebody emphat
IN ally measured his length unon the flo