South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-03-09


tV"What we want is new men and
and new measures" said q politician to
nm old darkey. Yes. dacs so, boss,"
said the ancient African 'de grocery man
doesn't give us but bout 8 quarts to de
peck-and gees in for de new measures,
you bet"
"CLD 81" on THE COMPROMISE Bill
-"Old Sir approached crowd of dar-
kies yesterday and remarked: "Wcll,
de Presydent hab sined the comprymise
bill, sho' 70
"Wha' is dat bill ennyhow us
dat?"
"Dar Use lierbul fer ter stall-'kase
Use not purity we'll 'quainted wild dc
pervishuns OBJ der bill. Jess kno's dat
hits or jist Programme fer settlin's dis
hear president bizness?'
"How are dat bill gwine ter settle hit
-dat's de queschin?"
well, ez jess glib out, Use not Der.
ry fermilius wild dc propyzishun, but
hits sorter dis way, Use feared, dat hits
pretended fer ter salty bofe sides an
mex needer OLD EN- happy sorter like
d'vindin' up hog, yer kno' whar yer
can't glib bofe.de hams to de same party
widout spilin' de 'greement an de hog
at de same time ''-AAanta Constitution.
What is the difference between
an editor and his wife? One sets arti.
cles to rights and the other writes articles
to set.
EE"What would you do, madam, if
You were gentleman" "Sir, what
would you do if GU were one?''
E0'"All the worlds top" says the
philosopher of the Brooklyn -1ryuS, land
woman spins it,"
SHE DIDN'T STAND Up.-At one of
the Detroit churches where revival is
in progress the clergyman asked those
who wanted to be prayed for to stand
up. Quite number rose TO their feet
and after services were closed one lady
was heard asking another at the door:
why didn't you stand up?"
ION, didn't want to-" was the reply
why, you are a very foolish woman,
wouldn't have missed the opportupitv
for anything"
Opportunity for wIat?"
"Why, for standing up there and
showing off your seal skin sacquc =
There wasn't another in the whole
church,"
~ A Danbury man was explaining
TO his wife SUNDAY morning, how his
mother used to cook pancakes. when
she interrupted him with the batter
pitcher. He is now experimenting with
new kind OF salye.
Ia a doting mother Of waggish boy
having bottled q quantity of nice pre-.
serves, labelled them, Put up by Mrs.
Doe Johnny having discovered the
goodies, soon ate the contents of one
bottle, and wrote on the bottom of the
label, Put down by Johnny Doe"
w The Philadelphia Press, tells the
story of Lancaster Sunday School {:
Ieacher-"Who was the first martyr?'
No response. "Who was stoned to
dealh!' First Stephen: for.
got his first name Second scholar
"oh | know-Thaddeu Stevens"
Ey'"My SON." said y, kindly. to his
youthful heir, "accustom yourself to be
polite to the porter, the servant girl, the
coachman, TO all the servants thus you
will come in time to be courteous to all
people, even to your parents
LV'"The sentence Of the Court is"
said Judge Porter, n popular Irish mag.
istrate, to a notorious drunkard, that
you be confined in Jail for tho longest
period the law will allow aud 7 hope
You will spend the time In cursiug whis-
Ky" BE jabers will. AMI Porter.
too" was the answer.
Litiie Folks D0tono5v
Bed time-Shut eye time.
Dust-Mud with tho juice squeezed
out.
Fan-A thing 90 brush tho warm of
with.