The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-08-30
EVERY DAY.SPICERIES.

To man full of questions, make no
answer.
PAUL says woman's glory is her
hair, but the hash-house boarder will tell
you all depends upon where it is.
WHY is Hanson cab dangerous
carriage to drive in? Because the
coachman always drives over your
head.
WHAT is the difference between
spider and sea-gull? One has his
feet on a web and the other has web on
his feet.
WE know of chap of whom the fol-
lowing can be written:
The more he eats the less he grows
The more he reads, the less he knows.
AN old Paris paper has the following
singular remark: "The American and
English educate their children in the
fear of God and in the love of money"
HONOR and justice, reason and equity,
60 great way in procuring prosperity
to those who use them; and, in case of
failure, they secure the best retreat and
the most honorable consolation.
NEW ending to an old maxim: Time
is money" says the proverb. Doubt
less this is true; for do not many persons
take it-and good lot of it, toto pay
their debts?
SWEET potatoes contain about one
hundred and eight per cent. of gum,
which will be joyful intelligence to
school girls who have been forced to rely
upon the spruce foundries of Michigan
for their supplies.
"Well, farmer, you told us your wood
was good place for hunting; now we've
tramped through it for three hours, and
found no game" "Just sol Well,
1 suppose, as a general thing, the less
game there is, the more hunting you
have"
"MoTHER, mother, here's Freddy
teasing the baby. Make him cry again,
Freddy, and then mother will give him
some sugar, and Pll take it away from
him; then he'll squall, and mother will
give him some more, and you can take
that, and we'll both have some."
LIFEl we've been long together,
Through pleasant and through cloudy weather,
'Tis hard to part when friends are dear,
Perhaps twill cost sigh, a tear;
Then steal away, give little warning,
Choose thine own time;
Say not goodnight" but in some brighter cline
Bid me good morning"
Mrs. Barbauld.
ANDREWS Bazdr: When boy grows
up to be a man, and reflects that he was
once but a mere mass of structureless
bioplasm, he wonders how his father
could ever have inveigled him into the
woodshed and "interviewed him as
carelessly as if he were nothing but a
bagful of scrap iron.
SCENE in the Herald office: 1rate
editor-Excuse me, sir; our paper should
be an authority on church matters. We
have got a dean on our staff. Clergy
man" All, but what you want is a
bishop" Editor" Why, sir% Clergy
man" Because your statements con-
stantly need confirmation.
VIRGINIA (Nev.) Territorial Enter
prise: The latest delusion and snare in
San Francisco is piece of glass cum
ningly cut into a gTdisembIdnee of ice,
which is put into an intoxicated mans
cooling draught. This is much in vogue
among corner groceries as money saw
ing dodge. The victim, being drunk, of
course does not detect the cheat, but
luxuriates in fancied frigidity.
AT the Philadelphia Academy of
Science meeting, the other day, there
was received from New Orleans spider
that had been killed by magnetism.
One of the lobes of the poor creatures
left lung was affected, its entire left row
of ribs was gone, it had sustained COM
pound fracture of the cerebral frOntis-
piece, and had three front teeth knocked
out Bully for magnetism!
The St. Louis Globe Democrat says:
What seems to be wanted in the game of
base ball is an improvement in the
umpire arrangement. Every club can
win every game on its home grounds,
but they all seem to let down as soon as
they get into the clutches of strange
umpire. An automatic combination
umpire, with a stem-winder and time
| lock, would be an improvement.