Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1877-05-17
All About Julia.

Perkins was one of those progressive
men who want TO try every new in
vention that is brought out. His last
freak was to get enfhused over the
telephone, and have enc put up in his
house, connected with one in the Office
on California street. He foresaw great
advantages resulting from this arrange
10 n. He could then hold affection
ate conversations with his wife when
business was slack, snd tell her what
time he would come to dinner. She
could tell him when Johnny fell down
stairs and skinned his nose, insist on
Perkins calling three or fonr doctors.
In fact, the uses Of this instrument
were innumerabfe. Perkins found
them SO, as will be shown. Last Mon
day he was discoursing with Mrs. Per
kins about new bonnet, when broth
er broker came in to see about some
stot ks. Perkins telephened to bis wife
that he was engaged, end turned
around to talk business without dis.
connecting the instrument. He talked
about Julia, Lady Bryan and other
stocks, while Mrs. Perkins listened in
ientiy at the other end of the line, oc-
casionally catching a name and won
dered what on earth he could be talk
ing about. Her suspicious were some
what aroused, and when Perkins said
to the broker in loud tone as he went
out: Il will take Julia at $780, she
knew there was a woman in the case,
and conducted herself accordingly.
The first thing Perkins knew the tele-
phone was kicking up an awful row.
III Julia him-wreich-vilii
ried fifteen years-here, you, Johnny,
saw the handle of that broom, or I'll
where's my rubbers!-just wait till
get hold of him. These were some OF
the sounds that reverberated through
the telephone in q confused manner,
intermixed with general racket that
denoted active and warlike prepara'
tious in the enemy's camp. Perkins
saw that his only safety lay in getting
home by circuitous route and trust
ing to his ingenuity In appeasing her
wrath when she returned from her
sortie. He accordingly locked the
door and put his plan into execution.
He reached hone at about the same
that Mrs. P. arrived at the Office, and
putting his ear to the telephone he
heard her trying the door. Thinking
to appease her wrath, he placed his
mouth near the vibrator, and said in a
voice loud enough to be heard through
the door: 'DOn't be angry, love. |
wouldn't look at any other oman;
yOn know / love no one but you.' .ar,
Perkins was listening at the door, and
heard his endearing words, but mista'
king their application her suspicious
were confirmed. A furious broOmstick
attack upon the door followed, and the
crash of glass told Perkins that an en-.
trance had been effected. Mrs. Perkin
then rummaeed the Office, tipping ta.
bles over and moving bookcases il her
search for the recreant husbapa and
that hussy Julia, to the infiite amuse.
ment OF Perkins, until she finally upset
the telephone stand aad broke the con-
Meeting wire. A blank occnrs at this
point, extending to late in the evening,
when Mrs. Perkins came home after an
unsneeassful search at I'LL the theatres.
Perkins says the bruise, extending
from the corner OF his right eye across
the bridge of his nose, and disappear.
ing in the left corner OF his meath,
was caused by running against y closet
door in the dark, but 1t is q significant
fact that he has sold his telephone and
uses the wire for a clothes line.-San
Francisco Call.