Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1877-07-25
ADynasty of Cooks.

Dynasty of Cooks.
Iris George Elliot. if We mistake not
who speaks of the silent tragedies, un'
known and unwritten, which are con
stantly taking place amid thousands oi
human lives while the world moves
carelessly along. In much the same
wav referance may De made TO certain
innumerable domestic tragedies, equally
unobseryed and uncommented upon
where cooks play not the heroic but the
villainous part. The heroine IN suef
cases invariably is the suffering house
wife. whose spirit, no matter how reso-
lutte il may be when circumstances nrsi
bring it face TO face with Hibernlan
depravity, gradually succumbs into de-
spairing Submission. \ notable feature
n the ease of bad cooks may be called
their tendency to occur in groups. \
certain household may have had It's
kitchen affairs ably and peacefully adj
miniStered for several years, when sud
denly some unavoidable change brings
in its wake months of protracted dis
tress. until at last long line of incom-
perent or debased cooks shall have given
place to one representing 'milder man
ners, purer laws" like Titus after the
imperial horrors that had preceded him.
Meats served up in a condition ofbleed-
ing rawness one day, and blaekened to
actual cinderS the next: soups that are
flavorless mOckeries vegetables eXecra-
bly underdone, or else pitilessly scorch-
ed: profane outbursts; intemperance /:
disreputable shrieks of dissatisfaction
regarding the just payment of certain
wages: wild maledictions; noisy de
partures-these are but Il few OF the
most saliently unpleasant attributes
that belong to some such distractinS III
teryal as that which occasionally follows
the exodus of a trusted and responsible
cook.
Not long ago an interregnum of this
disastrous and unholy character took
place within the family of a certain lit
erarv gentl eman of New York. From
week TO week he kept account of the
rapid changes in downstairs govern
ment, and called his document when
finished. Culinary Dynasty of the
house of Brown. from the Reign Of
Bridget the Pure down to the Present
Monarch. - Similarly embellished by in
cidenral rhetorical graces, Mr.. Browns
list read something after the following
manner:
Bridget l.. surnamed the Pure. Be
gan to reign December, 1867 abdicated
October. 1876, because contemplating a
life of fseclusion-and matrimony. Her
reign was marked by great executive
wisdom. clemency and economy, and
its cessation caused the most sincere re-
gret. Succeeded by
Bridget H., a sovereign of considera-
bic administrative power, but cursed with
a most irascible disposition. lnsulted
her prime minister Mrs. Brown when
Justly rebuked by that dignitary for her
reckless consumption of butter. Popu-
lar opinion Mrs. Brown being de-
cidedly against her, she abdicated, No
vember, 1876, in favor Of
Katharine, surnamed the Flirt, on
account of the multiplicity of her suit
ors. A giddy, good-natured queen, but
wholly untitled for her exalted position.
Deposed, November, 1876, and succeed
ed by
A Regency of Three Days, during
which Jane "a valued chambermaid)
welded with much ability the culinary
sceptre After which the kitchen was
descended into by
Bridget Ill, a sovereign whose char
acter previous to accession had been rep
resented as stainless, but who early
gave signs of the most revolving intem-
perance. Driven from the kitchen by
an indignant people lMr. Brown after
an alcoholic reign of only two days, and
succeeded by
Mary Ellen, satirically surnamed the
Skeleton, on account of her unnatural
stoutness. Celebrated for her intense
laziness. Deposed, December, 1876,
and succeeded by
Margaret, popularity known as the
Fiend. Threatened To kill her prime
minister two hours after coronation.
On the following day refused to abdi-
cate. Resisted even the demand of the
army "a policeman, who unanimously
indorsed the policy of the prime minis
f., bisrb na-
cember, 1876. End unknown. sue
ceeded by
Bridget ", surnamed the Lunatic. |
Her administration was chiefly distin- [
guished by an attempt to subvert the |
usual methods of dining throughout her
realm: causing soups to be served after /
fish. and meat before either. Banished 1
after turbulent reign oftwelve hours, I
and succeeded by
Ann, known as the Spoiler-and so /
on, through terrible list of wrong and /
outrage, the chronicle continues, At last .
ending in the month of February, 1877. I
with the following happy item:
Bridget XIV, the reigning sovereign. 1
surnamed the Culinary Antoine. Mod
est Of demeanor, gentle in..speech, wise
and economical in her rule. Beloved by
minister and people. \ slight Difficult
~ with France lthe children's foreign
nurse, which occurred in the early
part of her reign, has now been AMIGA
bly, settled. The realm is at present in
a most flourishing condition, and the
has never been so prosper
ously administered. Long live Bridget
NN.-APpletoR' Journal for ,Jalg.
he Neat.