The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1877-12-06
NUMBER "a.
WIT AND HUMOR.

AN exclamation that does not apply to
the "girl of the period: A lass too
true
A FELLOW, on being asked, "What is
your occupation ?" replied, "a sailor -
He assaiied benighted travellers for their
pocketbooks.
A BOY who was brought TO school on
a sled, and afterwari presented with 25
cents, remarked that he had been
''drawn and quartered."
WHICH is the easiest of the three pro-
fessions, law, physic or divinity? Do
you all give it up? Divinity
it is easier to preach than to practice.
"WHAr did you get?" asked wife of
her husband, on his return from hunt
ing excursion OF several days duration
81 got backl" he sententiously replied
An obituary notice of much-respected
lady concludes with: ''In her life she
was a pattern worthy to be followed;
and her death, oh, how consoling to her
friends"
A CONTEMPORARY asks, care American
girls delicate ?" It depends very much
whether you offer them cocoanut-cake
and ice-cream or bar of soap and a
wash board.
OBSERVING boy Ma, Aunt Dora has
been eating honey" Astonished mother
-" How do you know, my dear?" Son
"Cause I heard Mr.. Smith say he
wanted to sip the honey from her lips. ="
A CONTEMPORARY tells young ladies
how to arrange their hair in fashiona-
BILE style. ''Let it all down." it says,
"and comb it out with a crosscut-saw.
Then go mp on the roof of the house,
and there stand still while the wind
plays (whatever is appropriately with it.
Then catch up the back with bow of
ribbon, and allow the front to stay as it
is"
HE was arrayed in a shiny black suit,
had white cravat, tied i'll limp, alb
stracted manner, the meekest mutton
chop whiskers, and such sad blue eyes.
The newsboys all thought he was a
preacher, and refrained from filling his
face with papers. But when he talked
like Mullett at g man in a passing
buggy for splashing him with mud, and
scraped it off with bowie-knife that
would reach through a cow, they knew
at once he was q divorce lawyer from
Chicago, and dropped all other business
to press their journals upon hlm.-Ctrl-
cian1ati Breakfast Table.
He had little mustache that made
you think of blighted hope, hands SO
small that ladies bit their lips in envy,
and teeth that glistened like white glass.
He didn't look like bad man, but, on
the contrary, carried with him look of
frankness and honesty. 1t didn't make
any difference, though, for when he got
to the opera with his Dulcinea, and
found that his reserved-seat ticket and
pocket book had been left in his "other
pants" he had TO trudge back and get
them just the same as the homeliest man
in town would have had to do.-Cinca1a-
natl Breakfast Table.
nAwn-Err DOTS.
The latest war map out is warmapple
brandy. Hic!
One day last week pickpocket stole
Lydia Thompson's portemonaie, con-
tanning her sentire change of costumes
for the season.
Why is a beefsteak like locomotive
on long journey? 1t is not of much
account without its tender. - Uncredited,
but sounds Graphic. And why is
beefsteak like q freight train? You
rarely see it without its stuff.
A North Hill girl got 80 mad she tried
to jump into the cistern and drown yes
terday, because, while her mother was
whipping her for some misdemeanor,
her brother stood under the window and
sang in mocking tones the ref ain OF
that tender old ballad, " Under the will
low she's leaping."
Sound and sense" Mr. Parafine," eX-
claimed an indignant woman, dashing
into West Hill grocery, II don't like
that sugar you sent NE last week at all.
It wasn't fit to use." Not fit to use p
asked the astonished grocer; "why, what
was the matter with it2" Matter
enough" said the woman; " it looked
nice enough, but it was as gritty
the grocer "Oh, yes, I know now.
1t was new brand that was sanded In
for our customers to try. Oh, yes, L
know. I'll give you something better
this week" And the women looked
him right in the eye, but he never
quailed; and she didn't know just
whether she heard him right, or whether
he meant just what she thought he said
or not