The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1877-07-10
Mark Twain on New England
Weather.

ning NJ. samuel l. Clemens. MI K
Twain. responded to the toas:. ' The
oldest nhabitant the weather" HI:
speech was Oae Of the wi.,iest eve,
heard. AID excited continual merIiuept.
Mr. Clemens spoke As follows
reytrently believe tina. the Mixer
who makes u, ali makes everything in
New England bu; the weather l
don't know who makes that, bat |
think it mast be raw apprentices in
the weather clerks factory, who exper.
iment aud learn how in New England
for board and clothes and then are
promoted to make weather for countries
that require a good article. and will
take their custom elsewhere If they
don't get it, Laughter There is a
sunptuous variety abou, the New
England weather that compels the
strangers admiration and regret.
Laughter The weather is always
doing something there always attend
ing strictly 10 business always getting
up new designs and trying them on the
people to see how they will 60.
Laughter But gets through more
business in spring than in any other
season. Ia the spring | have counted
one hundred and thirty-six different
kind. Of weather inside of four and
twenty hours. daughter. 1t was /
that made the fame and fortune OF that
Iaan that had the marvellous collection
Of weather on exhibition 1T the Cen
tenrial. that So astouudei the foreign
ers. lie was going TO travel ali over
| the world and get specimens from all
/ the chimes said. Don't you 10 il,
/ you come to New England on u favor
able spring day" l told him what we
could DO IN the way of style. variety
AMI quantity Laughter Well, he
+ came. aud h. made his collection IN
/ four days A. to variety Why he con-
fe.sed that he got hundreds Of kinds of
weather that be had never hea.d of be-
+ fore As TO quantity we'll, alter he
+ had picked out ard discarded all that
was blelnlslicd IL any way. he not only
had weather enough but weather To
spare; weather 70 hire uut; weather To
sell; to deposit; weather to invest;
weather ~ give 10 the popr Laughter
and applau~e The people If New
Enslsni are by nature patient and
iarbe,sing but there are some things
which they will not stand. Every year
they kill lot Of poets tor writing
about "Beautiiul Spring" Laughter.
'lbess are generally casual visitors
who bring their notion Of Spring from
somewhere else. aud cannot, of course
know how the natives feel about Spring
And 50. the drst thing they know the
opportunity 10 inquire how they feel
has permanently gone by. daughter
old Probabilities has a mighty reputa-
t,on for accurate prophecy, aud thor
ough.y well deserves 1t. You take up
the paper and observe how cTispy and
confidently he checks eff what to-day
weather is going to be, on the Pacific
down South--in the Middle States in
the Wisconsin re.ion--see him sail
along IN the JOY aud pride It power
sili he gets to New England-and
then see his tail drop III doscu',
know what the weather Is going 10 be
in New England. He can't any more
: tell bow many Presidents of the United
States there's going 10 be next year
I (Applause.) We'll. he mulls over ii
aud by and by he gets on, something
like this: Probably nor-esst TO SOU.
west winds. varying To she sonth'ard
aud west'ard and points between; high
and low barometer, swapping around
from place 10 place, areas Of rain, snow
hail and drought. succeeded or preceded
/ 10y earthquake. with thunder and
lightning. (l.oud laughter aud ap
/ plauso Then he jots down this post
scrip from his wandering mind, to cover
accidents. But 1t is possible that the
Programme will he wholly changed i'll
the m,au ,ime Loud laughter
YES. one of the brightest gems III the
! New England weather is the dazzling
i uncertainty of IT, There is only one
thing certain about il. you are certain
there t, going TO b plenty of weather
lsughterl-s perfect grand review
+ but you can never tell which end II tn,
procession il going 10 move first. You
fix up Tor the droutb, YOU leave your
umbrella in the house aud sally .ou,
with your sprnkhng PIT, and ten /,
onc you got drowned (arplause, you
make up your mind that the earthquake
i. done. You stand from under ami take
hold Of something to steady yourself,
and the frs, thing you know you get
struck ly lightning laughter There
are grea, dissppointments. but they
can, he helped. laughter Tn,
ligh,n,ng there i peculiar, it is so con
/ vinciug When IT strike, a thing il
/ doesn't leave enough of that thing bc
hind fer yAu tn tel whether well
you j think il MAS something valusbl,
and a Congrr~smau bad been there
. Loud laughter and spplsuse And
the thunder When the thunier cont
meuces to merely turn MP. and >crape
aui saw. sut Key Mp the instruments
'oe the performance, strangers say
"Wu what awial thunder YOU have
: here But " hNu the lhton /, rsi>ct
aud the rea. touoeTt l-gIn>. you Il rlut
that strai ger down in the cellar vii!
his hta! ia ,he ash barrel Laughter
New ~ 20 the ,lss II the weather l.
New fngland longways. mean. 1
= utterly dtspg purt'"nsi "a the Sue a
that little country laughter ; Hsl
th. time. " lsvn il - "a kc.i ss :ulI a. /
Can stick. viii SO that >sw Eug
laud W-ai her sticks ont t,cvpui th'
edges. au3 projecting arooDd hundred
- mics oNet the ue'glioring State
Laughter She cSn', hold tenth
par, e heF weather loU cam see crack