St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-04-20
Squibs.

That awful lad again: "Ma, pa has
got the best of yOu-you can't strike
on your trousers like he can"
The ground is bare in spots, and cats
may be planted to advantage. You
cannot plant cats any too early, nor is
it possible to get too many of then in a
hill. You may not raise anything
where the cat is planted, but the cat
will not raise anything either, and that
is where the enormous profit comes in.
In the genuine BOston-bred boy
there is always something BOstonian.
A proud father inquired of his son,
young modern Athenian who was in the
Latin school and had begun to read
CicerO's Orations, what he thought of
Cicero. 81 regard him." replied the
scholar, ''as the Edward Everett of
Rome"
A visitor to a private lunatic asylum,
who found a diStinguished-loOkin man
sitting moedily alone, went up and
said to him, GLOW do you do ? think
| have seen you before. May | ask
your name ?" "My name" returned
the man tiercely; 81 am Alexander the
Great !" 'Why," said the visitor, who
suddenly remembered having already
had Il discussion with the man, ''the
last time | was here you were st. Paul !"
''Yes, of COURSE" the man reiOined
quickly, 'but that was by the first
wife,
A lady whose cook went to wake,
was given notice by her fortnight af-
forwards that she was going TO be mar
30,
''Please, ma'am, to the husband of the
corpse" ''Why, does he love yOu?"
was the next question. ''Oh, yes,
ma'am; he said 1 was the light of the
funeral" Cincinnati Times.
In recent number the Scientific
Farmer tells us "what there is in an
Onion" We know all about it. The
man who sat next to us in IL horse car
yesterday afternoon told us; and he
didn't say word about onions, either.
-NeU York Commercial AdUertiSer.
A company has been established in
New York to manufacture weather bu-
reaus for the European market. A
large-sized bureau that will predict
sixteen kinds of weather week can be
had for $500. The typhOon and west
bury NeCS.
Boston has only one fault to find with
Moody and that is that "his uncul-
chawed mammals and baw wbawrOus vuh-
bal enunciation seem to be rathaw ex-
aggahrated than modified by contact
with highah culchaw." And Mr..
Moody says she likes Boston good
enough, but they talk the worst English
there he ever heard. Burlington
HaWk-Eye.
a writer in the Universalist says Hol-
land wind-mills have arms of an enor-
nous length, and carry 5000 yards of
canvass. American wind-mills have
arms of only ordinary size, but when
they are sent to Congress they can
stand up and tire out the HOllandest
windmill that ever spread its bellying
sails to the rising gale. Loud applause. ]
Detroit Free Press.
A gentleman on Sheldon st. thought
of having Il telephone put into his
house, so as to enable him to hold sweet
converse with his business partner, but
his aged mother protested against it
earnestly. "Robert," she said, ''if you
bring one of those dreadful things in
here I'll never close my eyes for fear it
may break out and sweep us all into
eternity, and us not bit the WISER
He tried to persuade her that it was an
innOcuous instrument, but she said,
''No, no look at the thousands and
millions of poor HindOos it killed last
Fall" "Why,' said he, ''that wasn't a
telephOne-that was a typhOon :" but
the old lady lowered her glasses, and,
| looking at him over the rims thereof
said he couldn't fool her that she
mightn't know much, perhaps, but she
did know that the typhoOn was the
President of Japan. The gentleman
has given it up as a hopeless CASE
Chicago Tribune.
"Mary, you are very naughty this
morning." said kind old lady to a lit
tie girl whom she had taken under heI
care, "but you must learn your lesson
| will leave you for short time, and
when | come back hope to find YOU a
good girl" Mary was left in tears and
in a very i'll humor, but on the ole
lady's return the tears had given place
to smiles, and Mary, running up to heI
aunt, exclaimed in great glee, "Deal
aunt, kiss me a! for Mary will never be
naughty again; Mary has burned that
nasty book which made her so naughty
this morning"
An amusing incident occurred at a
Western church on a recen! Sunday
The clergyman wished to call attention
to the fact that the rite of baptism
would be administered to children il
the afternoon, and, just before entering
the pulpit he was desired by an elder
who, by the way, was quite deaf, t.
give notice that the new children'i
, hymn books were ready for distribu,
lion. After the service the clergyman
began the notice of the baptismal ser
vice thus "All those having children
! and desiring to have them baptised
: will bring them this afternoon" A
this point the deaf elder, hearing the
l name of children, supposed it wa,
5 something in reference to his books, ant
rising said: "And all of those having
! none and desiring them, will be sup
niied bV me for the sum of twenty fl Va