The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1877-02-15

Never joke with policeman.
BE civil to rich uncles and aunts.
Never contradict man who stuters.
An inn-ovation-Fre lunch at n
country tavern.
This year won't be set afire by any
spelling matches lying around loose.
OF all foolish methods of vindicating
injured "honor" duel Is the absurd
est.
When Lexington (ky.) minister
announced from the pulpit that he
had seen a pack Of cards and back
gammon-board in the parlor Of a MEM
ber of his church, several pious men
went home to scold their wives for
their carelessness.
Many creditor nowadays tries to
be like the fence which wears the
glorious inscription, Post no bills"
Lord Palmerston once said, speak
ing of the Turks: what energy can
be expected of people with no heels to
their shoes ?"
4 pint of milk taken before retiring
at night will cover the scrawniest
bones. Rather slim covering for
these Arctic nights.
Frost bitten in this world with
moral certainty of warming up in the
next is the euphonistic way in
which Kansas newspaper records
the freezing to death Of a tramp.
a Yankee grave-digger, who buried
Mr.. Button, put the following item
in the bill which he sent to Mrs.
Button: ITO make one button-hole,
So
Cleveland young ladies write COM
ments on the margin of library novels
they read. One emotional creature
writes "the pangs of love is crate, ]
have ben there my SELF"
A love-sick girl, who had married
against her fathers wishes, came back
after the first conjugal tiff. Kill the
prodigal," )" exclaimed the father, 1.-The
calf has returned"
A Tennessee girl took her solemn
word that she d either take the freckles
off her face or take herself out of the
world The freckles stuck. All the
neighbors say she was girl of grit.
\ penetrating whisper comes from
the abyss behind the curtain of the
domestic threshold when the husband
comes home from lodge and turns the
clothes back from the foot Of the bed.
"Now, waiter, what's to pay?"
"What have you had, sir?' "Three
fish" "Only brought up two, sir.'
II had three-two trout and one
smelt."
That meteor last week is regarded
by the Second Adyentists as sure
sign that the beginning of the end has
begun, but they hold their corner lots
at the same old prices.
1t makes one sad to realize that all
the train robbers and bank burglars
were once good little boys, and sat OH
the door-steps waiting for ma to come
home from the society meeting.
A South James street man proposed
to quit drinking for year if his wife
would quit scolding for a year; but
she said life would not be worth living
if she must rob her home of pleasure.
Excuse me, madam; but / should
like to ask why you look at me SO saw
agely." said u gentleman to a lady at y
party. "Oh! beg pardon sir. Itook
you for my husband
"Doo-kum round informerly to tee
tonight writes the eldest Miss We
neering to the young gentleman she is
trying to engage herselfto. Heavens
andearth ~ is what he said.
Everybody is fulfilling good resolu-
tons, formed on the initial day Of the
New Year. Creditors, for instance,
are especially energetic in carrying out
their determination to dun systematic
cally.
WAS it nice party?" asked Mrs.
Whifet, when her daughter returned
at q. m. from Mrs, Struggles' "at
home" No, awful,n said the Whit
it girl, yawning and lifting her skirts
to examine the braid on the bottom:
lawful, ma: the chicken salad was
made of veal; there was lot Of queer
sticks there, nobody was dressed de-
cent, there were NO oysters, the cham
pagne gave out, and some awkward
idiot walked up the back brea1lth u INV
dress as far as the waist, and then
only stopped because he was teo stu.
J pid to climb.n