The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-10-20
VARIETY.

A man who contracted debt of S1143 pro- |
missed to nav it in two instalments. Last week |
he forwarded SIl, and promised to send the |
other S43 as soon as the times got better
Horace Greeley's advice to '' Go West was
gIaring swindle. The fact that the lndlans
have 6een living West all their lives and are
still poor, with scarcely enough clothes to hide
their nudity, proves this
railroad brakeman, in Texas, found a wallet
containing $4,000 and restored it to the owner
Within forty minutes after that, the brakeman
fell off the cars and was killed. The moral ls
plain enough.
During the thunderstorm two dogs that howl
ed dismally at night were struck py hgntlng:
Howling dogs should cut this out and paste 1t
in their hats.-MorristoWn Herald
When you are tired of twirling your thumb
sit down and see how fast you can say, Shoes
and socks shock Susan in an inezplicable man.
ner, and inexorably she ceaseth sheathing her
Shoes
50 Gentlemen, L introduce to you my friend
who isn't as stupid he appears to be" In
troduced friend with vivacity-' That's pre-
cisely the difference between my friend and
myself"
ssWhy did you name that old horse Napo-
leon ~ asked a gentleman OF negro whose
horse was almost reduced to skeleton. " ny,
marse, you see It's case the pony P"i' 10 "
strong in him."
A
recipe for port wine The only way to get pure
port wine is to 90 to Oporto, raise grapes, press
the wine. nut It into a cask yourself and ride
on it all the way home.
Some peoples religion is just like wooden
leg. There is neither warmth nor lie In IL,
and although it helps you to hobble along
never becomes part Oh you, puI nus " Oo
strapped on every morning.
Stumbling into his room he sat down on the
1o1 nd Eeet
wet tight boots a sore on one hand an Ielon
on t'other and no bootiack in z'house; Slngs
got to be difrent. Ether L mus get married
else get boojack wshall do?'
The St. Paul Dispatch is disposed to bt
shocked because the rowing dress OF oarsmeI
consists of shirt with sleeves and a pair o
pants with no legs. 1t will get so after while
that you can't tell a rover from lady In bal
dress.
NOT DEAD.-A Kennebec (Me.) paper tells o
q certain city official who pointed out to
clergyman friend house wherein a man laiC
three weeks and his friends refused to bury him
why, what that for?' inquired the in
terested clergyman. 1.-The man was not dead,
was the quiet response.
NEyER.-Some writer's have endeavored t
describe the longings of the human heart. Bu
they have never drawn the picture of the ma
who, parched and thirsty from the July heat
steps into beer saloon a mile from home t
Il u
to find in cropping through the waste places
his pocket that his wife had cautiously remove
the last cent from his Summer clothing.
ABSURD You see, my DEAR he explained
the man was climbing the ladder with a hoC
full of mortar on his shoulder. just as passe
under it he made misstep, and the whole col
tents of the hod came on my head" '' Ho
absurd YOU must have looked!' she remarke
'On the contrary, my dear, was subbime.'
He was a clean-looking colored man of a
Sanced age, and when he entered wholesa
house on Vesey street, n. Y. one of the cler
politely informed him that the situation OF port
was already filed.
''Does I look like who d be regard
as porter?' demanded the stranger.
ssAh. excuse me.''
n .You is discussed, sab. Whar' is de forema
81 Over dar, Ell? No, sar, [ don't want to
porter. I'ze one OBJ the solid men OBJ Newal
and I'ze here on 'portant business
81 He wanted goods. There were lots OF go'
there. and it was very easy to suit him as
prices, but he had no money and no reco
81 meEdations.
.sDe pay is sure in sixty days." he urged.
8" But you can't give no security.
"a What you wants of security? Won {
goods be dar?'
"You may have sold them"'
ssDen won't the money be dar, all eour
IA out on the counter? And if de money amt
H won't be dar? And if amt dar, and de
# woman's gone and de children cans be foI
can't / Be frowed into bankruptcy and
iii smashed up?"
But he didn't get any goods.