The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-04-27
VARIETIES,

Why are country girls cheeks like
we'll printed cotton Because they are
warranted to wash and keep their color
An old veteran says his experience al
school reminds him ola one horse railroad
It was all switches, with an occasional
turnout"
The Haekeye man says: "a gifted
contributor sends us q poem beginning,
Open the doors to the children You'd
better, If you don't want all the paint kick
ed off the panels"
MY friend, don't you know that it is
very dangerous to take a nap while the
train is in motion ~ "Why so ?" exclaim-
ed the individual, waking up-"why so %
because this train runs over slecpers."
-" The little darling, he didn't strike
Mrs. Smiths baby a-purpose, did he9 1t
was mere accident, wasn't it, dear P"-
Yes, ma, to be sure it was; and if he
don't behave himself I'll crack him again!''
1.-THE reason why a.Detroit woman got
of street car without ringing the bell
was because she saw her husband walking
with good-looking widow, And she
hadn't time for ceremonies. Detroit Free
Press.
--"Mrs. Parr of this village" says a Wis
consin exchange, has had no less than
seventy attacks of illness during her life
time, and still lives" She must be one of
the Brave Women of Seventy p
Com. Advertiser.
"A Bostonian being asked if he
wouldn't like to 60 to the South Africa dia-
mond fields to hunt for precious gems,
answered, mo; I've found two carbuncles
lately, both on the back of my neck, and
don't feel like prospecting for any more"
-" You politicians are queer people,"
said an old business man to an impecunious
partisan. "How so?" asked the politi-
clan. "Why, because you trouble your
selves more about the payment of the debts
of the State than you do about your own"
"A man had recipe put up by an
apothecary, and after he had gone the clerk
discovered that he had passed counter
felt 25 cent piece and 5 cent bit. He in
formed the boss. Never mind" said he,
/" if the cent bit is good there is a profit
of three cents"
"A man down in Northampton, it is
said, made so many pairs of shoes in one
day that it took two days to count them
He was smart man, but not equal to the
one up in County Tipperary, who built so
many miles of stone fence in one day that
it took him all night and the next day to
get home.
Jamie, having come into the posses
sion of considerable wealth through the
death of relatives, was thus addressed by
one of his neighbors: Gay, Jamie, it was
gweed thing for you that your rich freens
were born afore ye." "Weel," replied
jamie. "I'm no sac sure about that; but it
was a gweed thing that they deed afore
me ~
In Oregon the grades of official i'm.
portance are carefully preserved. When a
Justice of the Peace was insulted lately he
considered it beneath his dignity to pun
ish the offender, and therefore called a
Constable to avenge the slight. But when
the Constable had been thoroughly thrash
ed he told the Justice that the Court might
fight for himself hereafter-dignity was
good thing, but those that had it ought to
have enough muscle to support it.
In the language of the tramps, the let
ter Fl" on the gate-post means that the
residents will give the caller n handful of
grub S" that he will get seat at the
table; IS NJ" that he will get a square
meal, and sc B" that he will get the
grand bounce" Now that the secret is
out, let every householder HE himself at
his gate post and dig in letters deep and
that cannot be misunderstood the mystic
sign &C B !" Here at last is the complete
solution of the tramp problem Chicago
Ecening Journal.
The story is told of the poor insane
George I'LL, that he was one day break fast
ing at Kew, when the great scarcity of
beef which was then prevailing in Eng
land became the subject of conversation.
Why do not people plant more beef?"
asked the king. On being told that beef
could not be raised from seed, he seemed
still incredulous, and took some bits of
beefsteak and went into the garden and
planted them. The next morning he went
out to see if they had sprouted, and found
some snails. Thinking they were oxen, he
was heard calling out, Here they are
Here they are, Charlotte, horns and ALL"
n