The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-07-05
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
FALsE-nA1R is becoming unfashionah

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
FALsE.nA1R is becoming Questionable.
The drunkard's pet song" When the
sscaIlOsos <homeward fly"
TRUNK LINES: e It will be more freight.
earnal if we all pool together
Two BANDS Of gold linked by q chain
are fashionable sleeve buttons.
A MASSACHUSETTS girl says she should
like to see one of those Bashful- BazOuks.
WIDE ruchiags, made of fraycd-out
elk, are worn ON thin dresses, particularly
as q finish for the neck.
WHY is man more devout when he has
cold in his head? Because he is on his
sneeze most of the time.
A YANKEE editor wishes no bodily
harm to his subscribers, but he hopes that
some of them in arrears will be seized
with remittent fever.
cit is well to leave something for those
who come after u.s." as man said when
he threw barrel in the way of q COnsta-
BILE who was chasing him.
A WITNESS on the stand, in reply to q
question as to what the character Of Mr..
- was for truth and veracity, said:
swell, ! should say that he handles truth
very carelessly."
AN Irishman has defined nothing to be
" . foOtless stocking without legs" A
description by another Emeralder: "What
is nothing" he asked. "Shut your eyes
and you'll see it."
In Flcrida, u man who has lost an arm
or leg, NO matter how, is exempt from
taxation on his business, unless it he
liquor selling. This is quite legacy for
the unfortunate naiMcd:
ONLY a country boy can tell how heavy
big calf's head will weigh. when the
critter insists upon getting the last drop of
feed by showing its nose to the bottom Of
the milk pail.-Chicago Journal.
A ScllOOLMAsTER told a young miss that
the word obligatory" meant binding,
whcreupoE she laid her head upon her
Rand, and, after brief cogitation, handed
the teacher this sentence: 1.-THE Obliga-
tory Of my spelling book is worn out.
A CONNECTICUT youth fired a gun over
the head Of his sweetheart without giving
her notice, to see if she had any pluck,
and it is now feared the girl will have to
be sent to the insane asylum. AS for the
youth, he should be- sent to an asylum for
idiots.
A LITTLE four year-old' girl visiting a
neighbor was asked if slle' would have
some bread and b,tttcr mo-" she re-
piled, rather sorrowfully, "my ma said l
mustn't ask you for bread and huetery'
then suddenly Frightening up, She said.
"Have you got any cOOkies!"
A SAN Francisco man told his wife
that he was tired of her, and she obliging-
ly poisoned herself. A New York woman,
when she discovered that her husband was
tired of her, raised frightful wart on his
head rs large as a goose-egg, and then
clOped with a handsome man.
DIALOGUE between the Sultan and an old
officer, privileged by his age and long
service: Sire, l am exhausted by the
labors which my position cxacts of me. -
Very well; l am going to give you a
place in which you will have nothing to
dO-PaYmaster." -Neac Orleans PicaYvne.
A NEW ENGLAND philosopher has un-
folded new theory of the cause Of the
appetite for stimukants. He says the GUS
tom of dressing in black is responsible
for the craving for drink. and that if Ieo-
pie would dress in white the sun would
furnish the nerves all the stimulus re.
quired.
A YOUNG lady in Hudson, Me-, is now
teaching in the same schoOl-room where
her mother and grandmother have taught
before her. She derives consolation from
! the thought that neither lady developed
Into an old maid, and that the family ira
ditions forecast a great granddaughter al
the head of the school.
IT happened the other day that our wife
got hold of a war map, representing the
Black Sea and Russian and Turkics Arm
les, and when we got home she had cut
out two new dresses and neat basque by
It, and was beginning on new fashioned
coat for ourselves. She thought twas a
fashion cut-and she believes 80 yct.-Oil
City Call.
AT dinner, and between the sherry
and champagne-to which period the
enfant terrible of the family had been I'M
fortunately permitted to linger-the host
had gone to praising his own wine in a
fashion which was certainly an evidence
of its great intoxicating qualities. That
sherry, sir, cost me sixty dollars dozen.
l bought it at the auction of the Emperor
Napoleon's wines, and imported it my
SELF" "Why, papa!" interrupted the
enfant, "that was all gone long ago, and
mamma filled the bottles up from the
California key. She said that you never
had any friends who could tell the differ
ence."
ONE of our city physicians the other
day engaged to teach Il young college
graduate the practical art of healing the
sick. He was called IT, German who
was down with the delirium trcmens, and
asked him his age and his business. He
was musician and forty years old. The
learned doctor tseh told his student that
all brass instruments were so severe tau
upon the players Iarynx that the throat
frequently needed little wetting in the
form of beer or brandy. A sad result Of
this fact was the patient before him. The
latter asked what instrument he played
He answered, 81 plays zecond viddle
most always. "-Prouideuce Pyess.
4 PROMINENT pisciculturist lately sent
very valuable present Of trout spawn to
San Francisco maslatc who is more re
markablc for wealth than refinement
The giver's idea was that the trout might
be Matched, and would thrive in small
artificial lake, which was feature of the
milliOnairc's grounds. He was much sur.
prised at receiving the following note
some days afterward: "Mv dear friend
Them water-pea as you sent was way up
and was excellent fried. had consider
able railway people, and one or two bank
ers to dinner the night they came, W.
never would have knew what the concern;
were only for Maria, who has just grad
uated at female school, and knows 9
sight. She told us as them peas were
quite common, and that they grew under
| water same as you sent 'cn. We all send
kind regards, and would be pleased to
have some more vegetables when