Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-08-02

00lU 1aSS ut tuciu Dbl dIOS"S. AA0AP JO"1
selves, gentlemen"
They both had ''moren than they could
eat now"
The next day gave them to the dog. They
had too much pepper on them. That was the
only reason the dog would not ed them.
Careful that Charley did not see me, dug a
hole behind the shanty in the snow and buried
them.
sCharleys duff put US all in good spirits.
We had celebrated the day and had company.
80 mo Levity.''
Jean Paul says love truly, but not excess
sively. That is to say, never fan girl so hara
as to spoil her crimps. Noracich Bu1etss.'
Last words of Cincinnatis ''whale: :" can,
no; better to have died at once than stay here
forever among the sardines. Courier Jour-
nal.
'.Some woman, but heap lots of fool" was
the remark of an Indian when he saw the
Omaha females put on trails.-Detr0lt free
Press.
i A Michigan woman who said she had big
scandal to relate. but who wanted four ounces
Of snuff from every listener, had barrel OF
4+'Scotch at last accounts.-Free Press.
We try to believe that nothing was created
ID vain but the young man in store clothes,
who tolls not, neither does he hoe corn, sends
waves of skepticism ten feet high to swamp
our struggling soul.-Rome Sentinel.
! Little Tommy just locked six dogs in the
library, and then put ten cats in at the WIN
dows-that was all. Now he is wondering
why boards haven't got soft place, like
cushioned chairs. -Gb6e-Dem0crat.
t"Goot day, Moses; Vy-s'help me! my
tear, how you vas shainged. Wouldn't meier
haef known you!" ''But my name is not
Noses. SIR ''Kreat hefens, who would
think it-your name shainged too ?'-Puck.
It is q remarkable fact that the man who
always insists that the deceased is better off
as he is, is the first to send for doctor and
howl and stuff medicine if he has the small
est pain in his stomach.-Reckland Courier.
-. 1t is one of the anomalies which it would
take q metaphysician to explain that while
half a loaf is better than no bread, contin-
uous loaf is equivalent to no bread. Just
loaf for q few months and see if it isn't
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The history of beer dates back to the time
of the old Egyptians, but it is not recorded
that any old Egyptian ever drank fourteen
''Schooners at one sitting, in order that thir-
pleasure of treating around. -Glo6e-Dena-
0crGt.
The CLEAN of joy that illumes mans face
as he feels in his vest-pocket and thinks he
has got just one match left to light his cigar
ette with, is only equaled by the look of dire
despair that settles upon his brow when he
finds that that match is only secondhand
oothpick.-1nter-O Ocean.
When Whittier went into ecstacies over
the barefoot boy, he never stopped to think
what wild old circus they had of it every
night. trying to make the bov wash his feet
before he crawled into the nice clean bed,
aud drew war maps with his heels all over
the snowy sheets.
The eagerness of the banker or speculator
to read the quotations in the market is as
nothing compared to the thirsty interest
with which the young man of the
period studies the a]gebraic formulas
descriptive of the career of his favor
ite base ball Philadelphia Herald.
At Parsian dinner party a charming hos
tess privately apologized to one of her guests
for the unbec0ming dress OF one OF the ladies
present, whose cOrsage was cut in highly
indiscreet fashion. The General responded
gayly. "Oh, never mind, madame, we SOL
diers have often seen ladies dressed in that
style-in Africa" ."-Neao York Herald.
Ayoung student in natural history asks us
if it is really fact that the lion can be SUBJ
dued by the force the human eye alone. We
do not know from experience, but all the men
whom we have ever seen placed in situation
to try the experiment, evinced no desire to an
initiate the beast with their eyes, but ap-
peared to have q most insane longing to shin
up a tree.-Rockland Courier.
'What are you driving at nowadays, Pat ?"
''Faith," said Pat, ''rm hard at work"
''That's good, Pat, what work are you do
ing m r. !, ~. .o ;,o,.. =, ~ ,>,,,,,;o
interest in me-"
''How is that, my boY?"
"Well, ye see, Mike. I'm just getting in
debt wherever can all about the Town.
Virginsa City Enterprise.
A prospective father-in-law in Paris makes
inquiries concerning his prospective s0n-in-
law of friend. The replies are of the most
satisfactory character, till the friend says
frankly: "Still, must admit that he has one
grave defect" "What is that? Does he play
the accordion 2" HE does not know anything
about rambling "Why, that is not defect;
it is virtue" s'Yes. but you see-he gam
bles all the same. ."-PucE.
Not long since preacher of our acquain-
tance described pond in which he had seen
many Ane fish, and brought it into an illustra-
ton In one Of his discourses. On the follow
ing Sunday morning six deacons were miss
ing from their pews. but when tine pastor
took stroll after service he saw the abseot
six sillip9 On the verdaut bank of that identi.
cal pondc anA half dozen corks were bob
bling on the surface of that stream.-Neso
Ydrk DispaseA