Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1877-06-02
COMMUNICATED.


like to air myself, but do not know
what hobby to ride The Tilden BAN
ner that lent me inspiration last Fall
has gone to its account with all its i'm
PROJECTIONS OF Grammar on its head, but
with reasonable hope of resurrection
three years hence, if indeed the Demo
Gratis DO not steal President Hayes as
we stole the Presidency. The war on
the Danube and in Armenia might fur
Fish theme, but / confess / can not
climb over the long hard names of
places and generals that appear on the
war maps and in the war bulletins.
Some time ago could keep up with
the march of the armies and events. In
the early Spring, when the weather was
raw and cold, l could keep myself post
ed, but since the genial May has set in
1 have fallen behind. used to read
the war news to Mrs. Quirk, and in Or
der to pronounce the piles of consonants
that 60 to form the names of places and
men now prominent in the East, / used
to sit in current of chilly air SO as to
catch cold and sneeze them intelligi-
bly,. This resource is now gone and
Mrs. Quirk dares me to sneeze.
| have heard faint rumor which, if
true, would furnish plenty of materials
for comment, and even the suggestion
is calculated to dispel the mental leth-
argy ander which am now unhappily
laboring. 1t is to the effect that "The
Great National Ugly Club" have deter
mined to establish Lodge at this place.
1t is understood that ugliness of any
kind, mental, moral or physical, will en-
title man to membership if it only be
sufficiently intense, and if anybody be
happy enough to combine all three Gas
a good many here are) there is no
knowing how high he may reach in the
association. The rumor has caused
great excitement among the women.
Mrs. Quirk, to do her justice, is fully
alive to my merits aud, no doubt she
perceives possibilities in me that Inever
dreamed of. She urges me to make
early application for initiation, and she
says she can See no reason why she may
not, some day, be Presidents wife.
This laudable ambition may, however,
be disappointed if the Board should
take ''the face of the returns" but if
they take "the turn of the face" | have
nose That defies the world, Cronin Of
Oregon included.
If understand it, there are many
degrees in this honorable and very an
cient order, and every degree has its
appropriate badge, except where the
party derives membership from physical
peculiarities. In that case it is presum-
ed that the features or limbs speak for
themselves and that insignia are unne-
ccssary. Where, however, consequence
is derived from mental or moral obliqul,
ty it is the custom to designate the
status of members by an appropriate al
legorical emblem, as you see Love de-
pictcd with wings and Time with a
scythe, to hint the disposition of one to
wander and of the other TO indiscriml-
nate leveling. For instance, several
that | know will take the badge of the
Brass Candlestick, to typify their brazen
impudencc, and others will take the
honorable decoration of "tho Gimlet,
to designate their capacity for boring.
There is an Irish school.master who will
have bunch of turnips and beets, in
honor of his disposition to turn up and
thrash unhappy urchins and several par
ties will have figure recumbent in a
corn field, to signify that they can lie
a-MAz ingly. One that l have in my
minds eye will rejoice in an escutcheon
of ga Harp struck by Lightning" the
emblem of the ancient and numerous
order OF BLASTED Tyres.
1t is to be regretted, friend little,
that you can never be initiated into the
mysteries of this great association. You
are too handsome, too genial and too
good a fellow generally ever to hope
for admission, unless indeed you persist
in deviatiug from my manuscript, when
We will admit you and decorate you
with the ensign OF ga young lady max
ing butter" or "n,iss printing"
l thought 1 would wind up with this,
but l happen to have your valuable pa
per of this week before me, and casting
my eye over it just now, l happened to
see your anecdote of the Indian who
got such cocktail in Chicago sa-
loon, and somehow the oddly of calling
a drink of gin by this name, struck me
very forcibly! Is the name intended for
a compliment or the reverse? The bird
is good enough and suggestive OF the
courage which gin is SO well calculated
to inspire, but why pick out the tail to
round off the word when you could say
cockspur, cockscomb or S. S. Cox, to
express pugnacity, vanity or pungency.
Another word in familiar use is "Cur-
tail" The dictionaries define it as
meaning ''to shorten" wonder if the
expression did not originate with some
body who noticed the great number Of
ours with abbreviated caudal appenda-
ges. would suggest that friend Hess,
our very efficient County Superintend-
emf, Law this matter bsfore the assem-
bled learning of the county at the next
examination of teachers. Our Board of
Education will not entertain the ques-
ton, as they have not yet recovered
from the fatigue Of correcting the gram
mar of the Tilden banner, and perhaps
OF many Democratic orators last fall.
Fl. QUIRK.
Harpcr's Ferry, May 26th, 1877.
Gov uartranft. of PENNSYLVANIA, has