River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-02-22
Naming the Twins.

Naming the Twins.
Max Adeler in New York Weekly.
4 friend of Butterwick's who staid
at his house a short time after the
twins were born, overheard the fol-
lowing conversation between the fond
parents one night after all hands had
retired. He was in the adjoining room.
Mrs. B.-What shall we call the
twins. Henry, dear!
Bob, / dunno. Almost any good
names. How would Moses and Aaron
dol or Cain and Abell
Mrs. B.-You ought to be ashamed of
yourself to want to name one of your
own children after murderer! You
might have hunted the whole Bible
through without finding anything
worsei
30, well, call them Shadrach,
Nieshach, and AbednegO then.
Mr.. B.-You know very well that
there are only two twins.and that they
can't have three names divided equally
between them. hate Scripture names
any how. want to call them after
some distinguished man,
B.-Well: name one of them Butler
and the other SchurZ.
Mrs. BID rather die on the spot
then have child of mine named after
an undergarment.
B-How'll Bismarck. and GOTtScha-
koff suit you!
Mrs. Butt you know |
can't abide those German names. You
would inflict curse on your innocent
boy if you weuld send him through
the world with such name as Bis
marck Butterwick. You know very
well YOU would. prefer an American
name. One that belongs to this cOun-
try.
B.-Very well, then, call one of them
Spotted Tail and the other HOle-in-the-
Day. Those are indigenous to this
continent.
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwick, if you are
going to turn the subject into Tidicule,
| will get up and dress myself, and go
downstairs. You shan't insult me to
my face. anyhow. You know well
enough that | meant some white Am
erican name.
BLOW would Smith and Jones an
swer!
Mrs. BID rather bury both of
them in one grave. Why don't you
suggest some distinguished American
name!
DO, all right there's Benedict
Arnold and Martin Van Buren,.
Mrs. B.--They shall never have those
names with my consent.
BLOW about Adams
Mrs. B.-That's only one name and
there are two babies.
B.-Well, call one "A" and the
other dams"
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwick. if you use
language like that again Ill go home
to mothers this very night.
B.-Well. then, if you must have
the name of celebrated Americans. call
one s'Tilly SlowbOy'' and the other
'.Toodles.'
Mrs B.-WeTe they prominent men
I don't remember hearing about them
before.
B.-Why, my dear. they both signed
the Declaration Of Independence, and
Slowboy was Vice President under
Washington. If you want straight
out revolutionary patriots, those are
your men.
Mrs. B.-What did Mr.. Toodles do !
B.-LOuisa, am surprised at your
ignorance Don't you know that he
commanded at Valley Forget
Mrs. B.-I don't think much of their
names, anyhow. Say over some others.
B.-Lemme see. Well now, there S
MephistOpheles and"
Mrs. B.-Wha did you say he did T!
B.-Didl Why he commanded the
frigate Constitution in the war of 1872.
and he was killed while mailing the
American flag to the mast.
Mrs. B.-And YOU want to name one
of your children after him
B.-Certainly. Why not Noble
old patriot! Did he not die in de-
Tense Of Why, Louisa, what are
YOU going to do!
Mrs. B.-Why, I'm going to quit
this house and take the twins with me,
and stay away forever. | know just
as we'll as you do that MephistOphlees
/ is another name for the devil. I've
seen him at the opera. 1t is perfectly
! Infamous for YOU to suggest such a
name for your own flesh and blood.
don't believe in your Slowboys or
Toodles either. I'm certain that you
have been telling scandalous stories,
and now I'm going to leave.
Then Butterwick was heard to use a
+ persuasive tone with Mrs. B., and
i finally she made it up with him. The
twins were eventually baptised John
and Henry.