Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-02-02
F. U

A fond WATERFOWL mother was IN the
act Of cutting the pie for dinner, and pro-
ceeded to count noses, as she termed it,
the each might get his or her share, when
a suggestion was made by her young fe-
male hopeful that the parent "count eyes"
thinking that if the amendment carried,
two pieces Of pie would be allotted to the
little feasters instead of one, as by the
original plan of division that had been pro-
posed. This indicates that some of cur ju-
veniles look out for number two as well
as number one.
sob, this horrld weather." walled a
fashionable Chicago. woman on a recent
cold day. 'What's up now ?" stoically
INQUIRED her husband. whats up ?" she
said. "Why, just look at my nose-made
red as a beet and no powder IN creation
that will stick or in such winds as we
haye!" It was a lamentable scene to
gaze at that wife, and her nose, and yet
the husbands sympathies did not seem to
be aroused.
An American lady went a short time
ago, to hear M. Jules Simon deliver an
address in some. public hall, While there,
a French gentleman pointed out to her
Nine Simon. els that the wife of M.
Jules Simon ?" exclaimed the lady how
very ugly she is !" "Oh!" cried the
Frenchman, with enthusiasm, II only
wish you could see his mistress, madame
she is perfectly beautiful !"
A young man who was declined with
scorn by a girl some three years since,
thought the whirlgig Of time had brought
his revenge when he drove by a house in
his cutter and saw her with an old shawl
tied about her head, engaged in a futile eff
ted broom, while her husband sat by the
window reading a newspaper.
The tomb of Agamemnon has been found
We are glad he had a tomb. We have all
along been afraid that a subscription
would have to be set aloat for that pur-
pose. The illustrlons dead will always
find a hearty welcome in this country, if
they are well provided with good, comfor-
table tombs.
Ifyou lounge down into the rocking chair
and tilt back across the toes of a man in a
neat fitting boot, don't ask him if he is
hurt, or say anything calculated to make
him speak. Just let him stand up and smile
for a few moments, until he gets his voice
under control.
IT. xuoc ON nfo1ioifo1c nyyorSirht on fho
part Or nature that the human mouth
should be so constructed as to be incapa-
BILE of containing only four fingers a
mouth that could hold ten fingers and a
couple of feet wouldn't go bad at the pre-
sent season.
Il went to see my girl the other day.
says our Dan; II kissed her repeatedly,
and when I finally ceased the tears came
into her eyes, and she said, in sad tones;
sAh, Dan! 1 fear you have ceased to low
mel ooh, no, I haven't 1 said but l must
breathe"
He purchased his sweetheart a pair of
ten-button kid gloves, and handed them in
at the door himself. The servant gal took
them and going to the foot of the stairs
bawled out: ''Please, miss. 'ere's a young
man ez has brought you a pair of leggings.':
"If you can't keep awake" said a par
son to one Of his hearers, s'when you are
drowsy, why don't you take a pinch of
snuff ?' 81 think" was the shrewd re-
ply, 1.-THE snuff should be put into the
sermon"
Spicer managed to keep the house warm
last Sunday by having as easy chair, the
the Sunday papers and a box OF cigars
sent down to the cellar and acting as
chief engineer of the furnace all the fore>
noon.
The following conversation took place
recently in a hotel "Waiter?" eyes,
sir. "What's this ?' ssIt's bean soup sir"
mo matter what it has been, the question
is-what is it now ?"
We must not look for much from the
popular" clergyman for a few weeks now.
They are engaged in asserting slippers and
trying to find a pair large enough to wear.
ga city missionary was asked the cause
of his poverty. principally" said he,
with a twinkle in his eye, because l have
preached SO much without notes."
"What is the orst side of naval war
fare ?'' asked a school teacher. ':The
broadside, replied the boy in the back
seat. He went up head.
A advertiser in one of the papers says
he has a cottage to let containing eight
and an acre of land.
What requires more philosophy than
taking things as they come? Parting with
things as they go.
The boy who was kicked out Of time by
a gun, said he fred and fell back in good
order.
II don't remember having seen you be-
as the lawyer said to his conscience.
This is the reason, when Gaily, the truba-
dore, is touched with the Light catarrh.
Rheumatism is always ajoint affair and
yet there is only one party to it.
The room for improvement is probably
the largest room in the world.
It is not etiquette to tip a soup dish so as
to scoup it out dry. |