The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1877-05-11
"Well, IN get even, for pIl 20 myself

UCAiI L II Scb CNeuJ AOA L II " III SCH ]
Tomorrow" said Yours Truly.
"Not if know myself" said John.
"Then you don't know yourself, for
Pm going" and Yours Truly fell asleep.
Having read the puffs in the daily pa
pers, wherein DR.. Brennan was lauded to
the skies as learned, scientific, skillful
doctor, and an elegant, cultured, and
eloquent speaker, whom everybody was
on the qui vive to hear aud see, Yours
Truly was determined to see and hear
him for herself.
And such lecture
There were not more than a hundred
ladies present, and they looked lost in
the big hall. But let that rest. 1t was
one good sign, and the only one that he
was not an entire humbug. Crowds
naturally follow humbugs.
But the lecture proved a tiresome and
disgusting talk upon the natural fune-
tlons of woman's body, of which every
woman present knew more by instinct
than any man could ever learn by study.
He attempted treatise on "mensura-
tion," which, oddly enough, bore no re-
semblance to mathematics, and MUIR
dered the peoples English at rate that
ought to write him down an ignoramus
in every paper in the land.
Yours Truly has no doubt but the doc
tor can entertain men. But to try to
cram such bad grammar and mixed
logic down the throats of mems wives
and mothers-fdugh! Women were
there with wrinkled faces and aching
backs, who earnestly hoped to hear of
something to relieve them of their
many aches and pains. But they heard
never a word. Young girls were there,
who heard such topics treated of as no
girl should ever talk about or listen to,
as it fills their minds with desire or dis
| gust which should never be created un-
duly. For two long hours we sat and
blushed, the monotony of the lecture (?)
being broken only once or twice, and
then by DR.. Thompson, who said more,
and betrayed more knowledge of the
topic the lecturer was trying to explain
in a half minute than he did in the
two hours.
Yours Truly advises the doctor to at
tend a common school for six months,
at least, and take lessons all the while
of some capable woman who under.
stands the meaning of the peoples Eng,
lish. He needs to be taught the mean
ing of "mensuration" before he repeat:
the mistake of attempting to teach it as
part of sexual science" He need!
lessons badly upon the agreement o
the verb with the number and person
and should be informed that the "silly
brated" lectures of which he speaks 81
repeatedly in such extravagantly lauda
bic terms are not misnamed by his pro
nunciation. In a word, if the docto
will cultivate the cerebrunl a great dea
more and the cere6elLun1 a great dea
5 less; if he will get that whisky out o
: his stomach and blood, and that tobacco
out of his throat and lungs; if he will
] become as clean inside as he appears at
2 tractive outside, and will stay ava,
] from saloons and abjure all bad associa
= tions, Yours Truly will begin, after
while, to imagine that, having heale
= himself of his impurities, he may b
\ ready to take lessons of DIR. Thompson
= or some other sensible woman, upon th
"Science of Life" AS it is a subjeC
!, very dear to the doctors imagination
S it would be well worth his while to pre-
v pare himself to teach in reality, as b
advertises that he now does, though b
= fails constantly. Anybody, to read tn
: Oregonian, Standard, Bee, and Tel,
y gram, after having attended one of b
II discourses, can see that the man wh
s gives the lectures writes the puffs, an
doubtless pays for them at so much
= line, else so many papers would NJ
y miss so good a chance to warn the pc,
1t pie and teach them better morals.
But here comes Jim with that dee
l. He has been out and made arrang
l. ments for Yours Truly to join with hi
er in deciding away what isn't hers to al
'r other man, so he may get the man
ID whom we thus deed it to convey IL
lie same to US Jointly, Reconsideration
n one dollar!
Bless his heart He doesn't mean
J. be unjust to his better half, he says, an
Ii as she folds the deed and lays it aws
till morning, when the final transfer
1t to be made and the fiction of the la
D. gratified, you need not wonder tn
lg his opinion of himself is heartily e
I'd dorsed by YOURS TRULY.
w