The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1877-09-08

Speaking of the clerkesses, says Don
Piatt, in q letter to the Cincinnati En-
quirer, it is well to say that our blessed
paternal Government does not encour-
age matrimony. AZ contrGirc, it does
quietly impede and discourage them;
for il is one of the rules, and, as the
Constitution of the, Debating Society
expresses it, the regulations, that If q
clerk of q department takes unto him.
self . clerkess as wife one or the other
will be Immediately removed, as two of
of a family may not draw pay in an
humble capacity from.our blessed Gov
eminent. This rule gave rise to
rather unpleasant and somewhat anus
ing incident not long since. There
was clerk of q susceptible heart hid
away under somewhat burly person
q clerk known to the State of Ohio
who fell desperately in love with little
clerkess, who not only toiled in the
same department with himself, but
messed and roomed in the same board
ing-house. The clerk-the able-bodied
clerk-made known his passion to the
the tenderness reciprocated. They
were engaged, but alas! could not mar
~, as that would cause the dismissal of
one or the other, and this the poor PEN
driving doves could not afford. Now,
one can not go on sparkling forever, for,
as they spanked, their love grew more
intense. At last it was determined by
the two that they would circumvent
old Uncle Samuel-the mean, penurious,
unloving old scoundrel-by secret
marriage. To this end, amid the merry
hours Of the Christmas and New Years
holiday, they stole away and were Sc
cretly married in a neighboring city.
They returned the same day, and, ma
tura1ly enough, the young wife fingered
unknown to the clearinghouse in the
room of her newly made husband. Un-
fortunately the other clerks of the mess
were on spree that night, and as the
lately made husband had been on these
occasions somewhat of leader and a
very amusing fellow, his absence was
noted on. Well ON to the small hours,
when the liquor told most, there was a
demand, boisterous demand, made for
the absentee. They wanted his famous
recitatiens of " The Menagerie," You
Shouldn't Eat Triple on q Friday"
"The Gent Who Saw Pleasure in his
Own ROOM" "The Salt Sea Crab"
and other punning songs of like sort.
A delegation sought his room, and re-
turning said it was locked on the in
side, and no pounding produced any re-
suit, save orders to 60 away and let the
sleep in peace. A cunning
gentleman said he could not get into the
rooms through door bolted and locked
from the outside of the room of the
comic but absent gentleman. The
entire crowd sought that door.
1t was unbolted and unlocked
then thrust open, upsetting, in SO do
ing, a washstand. 1t was arranged |
that after gaining access the gas should
be lit, the bed pulled out, and war
dance executed around the poor help
less clerk. This was dOne-at least it |
was in process of being done. The gas
was lit, the old couch pulled Out, land the
wild dance began amid the indignant
protest of the disturbed gentleman, when
one of the number discovered the out
line of another form in the bed, and
with intoxicating mischief pulled down
the clothes. This was followed first by I
screams, any one of which would have
oh! Howard run ten miles.
After came a general engagement in
which a bootjack was found to be most
efficient and telling piece of fixed am
in the hands of stout and
angry clerk just married. Of course
there was nothing to do but gather in
the astonished and somewhat bloody
headed clerks in the adjoining room
and exhibit the documentary proofs of
Then the clerks, good fell
lows all, after bathing their broken
heads and washing their bloody noses,
'wore never to reveal, by word, sign,
Or writing, what they had witnessed or
what they knew. And they kept their
word. only was admitted to the Sc
,ret, and you see I reveal no names, for
[ consider it good morality and there
lore ones duty to circumvent Uncle
Samuel in this way, and in smuggling
whenever one gets chance.