The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-04-13
VARIETIES,

| clUuuGUCs
was given by minister at camp meeting
Here it is:-"Get yourself chuck full Of
the subject, knock out the bung, and lei
nature caper.'
"A young lady sent poem to British
paper entitled ~ cannot make him smile. y
The beast of an editor ventures to express
an opinion, that she would have succeeded
had she shown him the poem.
"A lady the other day meeting girl
who had lately left her service, inquired,
"Well, Mary, where do you live now ~
Please, ma'am, | don't live anywhere,
now," rejoined the girl; "Im married p
Miss Rose-"Goodness the fire is out.
thought it was very cold" Beau
"Shall / get my over coat and put in on
you2" Miss Rose-"Oh, no; but (glanc-
ing at the cloak hadn't you better pnt it
on yourself2"
Swift was one day in company with u
young coxccmb, who raised from his chair,
said with conceited and confident air,
Il would have you know, Mr.. Dean, set
| up for wit" do you, indeed, replied
the Dean; "then take my advice, and sit
down again"
| "A Chinaman thus explains the OBJ
| ject of the Celestial order Of Freemason.
| ry: Zone Chinyman-he steal-he
| belong put him out. S'pose Chiny an
| lazy-no work-put out. S'pose good
| work, no steal-he-sick-we pay; he
| iie-we cachec box and put him in"
The young lad whose father makes
him clean the back yard and front pave
nent of snow was heard remark the other
| day: Il don't believe that this here earth
goes around every day, for if it did, when
| Americas at the bottom the snow would
tumble off our pavement, and by Jimmy it
| don't!"
An old woman on being examined be-
lore Il magistrate as to her place of legal
| settlement, was asked what reason she hud
for suppOslng her husband had legal set
clement i'll that town. The old lady said :
lie was born and married there, and they
buried him there, and if that isn't settling
there, what is z"
The Worcester Press puts it in this
shape - lie took Il sudden seat, he did, H.
al his gorgeous ioppery such mouruiuI
spectaclcs We see, when side walks are 81
>luppery, Aud she poor girl, went down
with him, in all her pui-back iiippery :;
such tragic incidents take place when side
walks are So slippery.
The wife of AN Irish gentleman being
suddenly taken i'll, the husband ordered u
servant to get horse ready to 90 for the
doctor. BY the time, however, that the
horse was ready, and the note to the doc
tor written, the lady had recovered; on
which he added the following postscript
and sent the servant off: My wife hay
ing recovered, you need not come"
"A sharp student was called up by a
| worthy professor of celebrated college,
and asked the question, Can man see
without eyesi" "Yes, sir" was the
prompt answer. "How, sir" cried the
amazed professor, can a man see without
eyess" " He can see with one, SIR" replied
| the ready witted youth; and the whole
class shouted with delight at the triumph
over old Metaphysics.
| Advantage of Turning Pale-Alphonse,
the clerk in Merrill's grocery, was some
what indisposed on Monday, so much so as
to cause comment from the customers as
they came in. Two young ladies were in
after pound of starch, and Alphonse was
waiting on them, when a man at the store,
having intently observed him for mo-
ment, suddenly remarked: at is a de-
cided advantage to you to look pale, AL
phonse-" The young man looked
up with a grateful xpression--" Be-
cause it makes your moustache show" add
ed the man. Alphonse winced.-Danbury
Neacs.
-" Got any pocket hankerchers ?" said
a small, soiled boy, with the chief part of
his wardrobe hanging from his shoulder
by one suspender, and a bundle of news.
papers under his arm. The shopkeeper
stared for moment, but hard times have
made even small purchasers desirable, and
he answered blandly: Here you are,
sonny; all linen; fifteen cents" The
| young merchant cast scornful look at
him and said; l wonder at yer shown
them cotton sleeves to gentleman. Iwant
suthin in fancy silk, with chance for my
mo-nog ram in the corner. Where's there
u first class dry goods house round here.
young fellow ?" And he got out of the
door just in advance of a shower of yard
sticks and scissors-Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
SoLD.-Solemnl looking Detroiter, dress
ed as II laborer, enters IL grocery on Michi-
gan avenue, carrying a chest of tea in his
arms, and us he puts it on the counter he
| SAYS:
Found it in a lumber pile near the
Junction this morning | see from the
marks thnt it belongs to you. Had you
missed it2"
.'Well---ahem-we we'll" coughs the gro
Ger.
Its your chest of tea of course, and J
want 10 reward for returning il. Right s
right, and try to do the fair thing toy
everybody"
"Yes allen needn't let this get into
the papers ahem-n speak to tie polio,
-ah m--and take this dollar Tor y0M
trouble"
ihe chest was hidden under the couuter
| ii leisure moment arrived, and then the
grocer opened it IN search of fifty pounds
of Oolong, Japan, or best green The con-
| tents consisted of saw dust.-nice. clean
saw-dust Of the highest workmanship. 1t
was only dollar swindle, and why did
| that grocer kick the chest across the store
slam the stove around, and yell to his NEE k,
faced clerk
"Boy, I'm good mind to discharge you
| for this ~ Detroit Free Press
------.s .s---
"PERsoNAL SACRIFICES, san r-An
applicant for the San Antonio Post Office
is absolutely certain that Hayes will give it
| to him. AS there are about twenty in hot
pursuit OF the office we had the curiosity
to know what made him so positive.
"Are you the widow at a deceased army
officer, with family to support 2" we
| asked.
He replied that lie had never tried to be
| anybody's widow.