The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-05-26
VARIETY.


A Philadelphia woman swore that her husband
was enough to 81 irrigate an angel"
A late book is entitled ''Half Hours with In
sects.'' What lively half hour one can have
with a hornet
"Change CarsI'' is what boot-black said
to a Chicago man the other day, when he had
finished one of his brogans.
It's our unpleasant duty to announce that
the grave of the inventor of the accordeon is un-
marked by q stone. But it is a great consolation
to know that ne is dead.
During the hard times several Boston girls
decided to accept honest housework. Said one
OF them to Newark lady, the other evening,
sIMadam, / shall be obliged to you If you Will be
so good as to bring down the atlas, so that may
trace the war in the East; and, if you please,
what is the telephone?"
The question arising in Sunday-school as to
WHY God created all the animals of the field and
sea and air before man, no one gave solution to
1t until a little boy said: II know; it's because
he didn't want the man hanging around while
he was making 'em."
little scarlet fever convalescent was over
heard praying repeatedly, while about her play:
sob good Lord, cure my earache!' Her mother
asked: ''W What you saying, my dear"
"Nothing," said the little girl; 81 wasn't talk
ing to you, I'm talking to the Lord" )"
During a recent examination of q class of
Youngsters in one of the Philadelphia schools,
the teacher asked, IS What is a monarchy p
and was Immediately answered by bright
little eght-year-old, boy s. country governed
by KING " Who would rule if the king
should die ?'' st The queen ''And if the
queen should die, who then would be ruler?"
~ The jack"
A farmer who had sent bale of cotton to
= warehouse instructed a merchant to have the
sarue sold. The merchant complied with the
reouesf, and the staple was disposed Of The
farmer npon examining his statement, was
heard mastering to himself: % Drayage. wharf
age mistakeage, storage, leakage-wel, I'll
take the balance out in fghtage"
so THAT SoxE Power. .''-Adonis: " Miss
Jones, do YOU think Brown so awfully ugly?''
Miss J: s' No. indeed! Why, We all think him
extremely nice looking" Adonis: Z" Well,
was talking to him on the stair just now, and
n ladv passed, and heard her say, That's the
ngliest man L ever saw!' and there was nobody
cfere but him and mel''-L0nd0n Fun.
sI say -Jim,'' inquired young person of
his companion, who WIS but a few years older
than himself So What does p. NJ mean after
them figures on that there railway bill?"
Jim responded. conscious of his own wisdom,
So Penny a mile to be sure ~ Well, and
said jim, hcsitstngh that tRas tRsaq%eadAas %eahA
g mile ~
New York Commercial: sit is all very well,''
remarked red-nosed man in bad hat and an
ulster of the vintage of 49, ''its all very well to
saw let business revive, but what want, sir, is
confdence-pubic confidence, sir. Each of
must be willing to bring out our boarded dollars
and put them once more in circulation. Then
the Skies will brighten then-by the way, I
changed my vest this morning-lend me fifty
cents, will you?
While fifteen or twenty men were sitting in
Chicago saloon, laInenting the hard times, a man
opened the door and called out: ''Who wants to
work at twelve shillings day?'' Not man
made answer. Some shut their eyes and pre-
tenaed to be asleep, and others were busy looking
out of the window. In about five minutes an
other man opened the door and shouted: ''Who
wants an easy place in the City Hall?'' ''I do !"
was chorused in tones that made the decanters
Jar and every man jumped to his feet. $50 do
l. said the man, as he shut the door and walked
away.
Schenectady Gazette: She led him to sofa,
and in a deep bass voice called him her souls
idol, and inquired what his monthly income was.
Seeing his gaze fixed on her boa-constrictor-like
mouth, she exclaimed: Darling, 1 see you
notice my large and beautiful potaIo-trap: let me
explain to you the reason of its unusual size.
When was quite a child, l was playing on
.papa's cellar door; it gave way; was precipitated
down into the basement, and caught by the
mouth on a projecting meat hook, which ripped
up my face and extended my mouth several
inches. With his eyes full of sympathetic tears,
he rose from the sofa, and replied, as he made
toward the door, ''My angel, you are perhaps
mistaken. Probably, in the excitement of that
awful moment you left your mouth down in the
Basement and accidentally brought up the cellar
We shall meet again IN better world. AdIeu."