River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-12-13
The Man from "Old KyhOg."

The Man from "Old KyhOg."
This man was from Cuyahoga county.
There can be no doubt about it, for as he
sat in the Hamilton & Dayton depot, with
big, black sachel between his cowhide
boots, he yawned and said TO himself:
after all, there is no place ike old
Kyhog"
He had been over in Kentucky to see
some relatives. There's no doubt of it, fer
he soon yawned again and remarked:
"Well, them Kentuckers are Gurus folks,
but kinder got tired o. staying"
He had weed on his ancient Plug hat.
At least twenty years had rolled over the
brim of that hat. 1t was faded, denied,
bruised and battered, and Chief Joseph
or Sitting Bull would have scorned to
shoot a man wea. ing it. The man was
widower. There can be no doubt about
it, for he placed the hat OIL the bench be
side him, blew his nose in asqueaky way,
and said:
"Life is funny. isn't it. While Hammer
il flying around in heaven and feeling no
pain I'm sitting here with my old spine
all twisted out of shape"
About this time half a dozen other
people entered the room. Among them a
Young woman with hatchet-face and eyes
the color of No. 3 Government envelope.
She sat down near him with her hand
sachel and shawl, gave him one swift look
of contempt, and then fastened her eye
on the opposite wall.
The man from old Kyhog Strengthened
up at once and drew up his feet, gave his
coat collar yank, and bestowed upon
her a long, lingering look. She didn't
mind it. Then he took up his hat and
stroked the weed She never took her
gaze off the wall. lie coughed. Result
900.
death is a sad thing" lie finally OBJ
served, holding his hat IN both hands.
If it was, she did not seem to know it.
"Yes-ah, 1t sewers up families, breaks
up ties, and causes strong men 10 cry" he
went on, as melting, expression came over
his face. She was as motionless as stone
man of Colorado, though she sat but three
feet away.
But resumed the old man, as he
leaned toward her, "the human heart
can't stay busted. She may throb and
pine for a time, bit she sooner or later
returns to billed dinners and laundering
after love again. Hammer was good
wife. She was a small eater, a great saw
er, and her funeral expenses were thity-
nine dollars, saying nothing what
the watchers ate up. Nevertheless. /
can't allus mourn for Hammer, and must
take a second wife to my b9som--I must
have some one to doat on"
She waited for him to finish, and then,
wheeling round on him, with her nose as
sharp as knife and her eyes winking
FORTY times minute, she Kissed:
you dried-up old idiot, don't give me
any more such talk, or I'll claw your
eyes outl'
He fell back in a lump, mouth open
and eyes expressing twenty-seven diff
feren. grades of amaZement. 1t was full
two minutes before he knew what hit
him, and by that time the young wo-
man had started out to inquire about her
train.
There goes person. began the old
man, watching her sail away-"there
goes a person who will no sooner go TO
heaven when she dies than / will go from
here to London tonight, and don't you
forget it."
He fell into dreamy state, and hardly
realized his surrounding for the next fif-
teen minutes Then he was aroused by
the presence OF a woman about forty years
old, who asked him if a train left that
depot for Dayton.
aShe does, she does!' he replied in a
heap, and at the same time hitching along
for her to sit down. she sat. He was
only seventeen seconds forgetting his ex-
perience with the hatchet-faced woman.
lie looked at this one, estimated her
weight at 1851 pounds, her temper at
mild and her heart at tender, and she
hadn't seen much more of him than his
feet when he tenderly asked
MADAM, are you going up in old
KyhoglH
"N-no, sir, she replied.
"Were you ever theref
mo. sir"
..Well, it's a gorgeous county, madam.
There's rivers. and breezes, and land
scapes. and mountains, and dells, and
waving forests. You ought to come up
there"
s.Yes, she passively answered.
"Right up in the beautifullest part of
old Kyhog is a lovely farm. The house
is red, trimmed with white. There's
knobs on the doors that cost shilling
apiece. There are carpets on no less
than two floors. Sunfowers wave around
the house. horses and cattle wave around
the barn. A cider-mill waves across the
road. There's richness whichever way
you look
"Yes,r she again replied.
ssThe man who owns that farm is called
Kernel by all his neighbors," he softly
continued. as he picked up her sachel.
sIe runs the township he runs church;
he runs school house ;he is the big giraffe
for four miles around. Death has re-
moved his Hammer, and he's looking for
another. Madam, do you know of nice
woman wko wants TO marTyg
sYou ase either drunk or an old fool =
the angrily remarked as she jerked the
rachel away.
MADAM, I'm from old Ky"
y don't care, sir; / don't care, she
sputfered, as she crossed the room.
II. fnalra.a affar her Ia HUNGRY Way sud