The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1877-10-18
Test Of Affection.

Mr.. Thorpe is a middle-aged widower,
and some time ago he paid his addresses
to Mrs. Bolts, a widow on the shady side
of forty. Thorpe is rich,. and after the
widow accepted him he began to fear that
maybe she had taken him for his money,
and so he concluded to test her to ascer-
tain if she really loved himself alone.
So one evening when they were sitting
together: in the parlor, he said to her:
"Hannah, I've something. important to
tell you, but am going to do it because
I consider it ri ght that you should know
it. Hannah, what would you say if I in
formed you that one of my knee pans is
gone, and that I have patent. hin ge on
that leg?"
IT,. II should say that care nothing for
that, my dear; have only one toe on my
left foot. The others were frostbitten of,
and the ankle is all twisted around
crooked"
/. "You don't tell me!' said Thorpe.
-"Well, but I've something worse than
that. might as we'll confess now that
bald place on top Of my head is not
really my scalp; I've been trepanned.
have silver-plated concern set into
my skull, kind of skylight. You can
lift it up and sec down on the inside of
me-"
"I:m glad you mentioned it, DEAR"
said the widow, "for it gives me courage
to tell you that I haven't hair of nv own
on my head. I'm as bald as chandelier
globe"
|. els that SO? Gracious! I never should
have expected it. But you will be sur
prisea to learn that none of my teeth
are natural. All false, and besides that
I have to wear an 1ndia-rubber thingam-
agig on my palate to keep itfrom drop
ping down."
x."1'm very sorry for you, John, but it's
some comfort that all my teeth arc false,
too, and that am perfectly blind in my
right eye. 1t looks like good eye, but
it absolutely amt worth cent"
''Great heavens! Why didn't you tell
me of this before2" exclaimed Thorpe.
"But while we are on the subject, I will
say further that have chronic torpidity
of the liver. How does that strike you?''
ooh, I don't mind it," said Mrs. Bolts,
"bccausc I've, beer, bilious and dyspeptic
for twenty years, and besides, I am one
rib short. It was broken in railroad
accident, and the doctor had to cut it out.
I'm subject to fits too.''
This is HORRIBLE" said Thorpe. "Mrs.
Bolts; think you ought to have mention
ed these things to me when proposed to
you. I imagined that I was addressing a
woman, a complete human creature. But
what are you, Mrs. Bolts? Mrs. Bolts, you
appear to me to be a dilapidatcd old
wreck, with not, more than half of the
usual machinery about you. It's won
der to me you don't fall to pieces
II am no worse than you are: You
said yourself that you had trap door in
the top of your head, and a gum elastic
eyes; but these things amt true" said
Thorpe. II only told you about them to
see if you really loved me. I'm as sound
| asa dollar; no inactive liver, or silver
plated skull, or anything. But you seem
to be kind of strung together, SOL if you
should. knock, against anything you'd
scatter around over the carpet. I think
you ought to let me off,"
.ts"sVery we'll, sir, so will. But let me
tell you, that I've got nothing the matter
with me, either. only invented those
stories to try you, because I knew you
! were playing game over me. Now,
know you don't love me. You can 60,
+; .:HanHab, I take it all back. I do love
you,'' "'''' '''''"
"Do you, really9 Then love you more
than" 49, -.
But no; the curtain had better be drawn
right here. The cold and selfish world
has no business with such scenes as this.
They arc to be consolidated early next
! month: G'st''. 9!it te:E, 2, ...},f'..