Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-04-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

photograph. This was getting the carte
before the horse.-Dambawy News.
THE pioneer humble bee of 1877
crept out of his hole in the ground YES
terday, and after looking around for
an hour or two for boy to sting,
found him, stung him, and went back
to clean house.-Haaokeye.
CHILDREN are sent into world to
teach us how lovely angels are: but
when man finds himself pasted to the
eat of chair by piece of spruce
gum, he never thinks of this.-Roms
Sentinel
AN ordinary man may hide q broken
heart under hollow smile, but it takes
man of towering genius to meet
party of lady friends and hide an acre
and half of cudfish behind little bot
tie Of heliotrope perfumery.
LET us discuss the question why
woman can pin on a mans collar the
first time trying, when the very same
pin, if engineered by man, would
double up and run backward to stick
In dis thum p Womon's Journal.
The new Chinese coin is the fftieth
part of q cent IN value; and when the.
basket Is passed around IN o church in
this country some men sFirmish
around in their pockets for q nickel
and regret that it is not new Chinese
coin.-Norr. Herald.
A PARTY Of Chicago girls were out
jumping the rope on the prairie recent
ly, and an unsophisticated Eastern,
m an who passed over the ground shortly
after thought there had been buffalo.
fight there.-Aradrew's Bazaar.
AFTER a days weary march Moham-
med was camping with his followers.
One said: II will loose my camel and
commit it to God" Mohammed said =
Friend, tie thy camel and commit it
to God"
Mr.. SIMON CAMERON was asked some
time ago if he was related to Senator
Angus Cameron, of Wisconsin. 81
have no doubt" he answered, "that
my father and his were stealing cattle
together on the Scottish border"
IF the gentleman who brought in the
original poem ON spring yesterday, and
carried off the tap on the toe of our
right boot as he went down stairs, will
return the latter to this Office he will
be literally rewarded. -Noraoich BuE
zetin.
The Spitz is no longer fashionable as
a pet, and hundreds of aristocratic
young ladies of New York are thus
thrown out of employment, unless they
transfer their fondling to the poodle
that wears eyeglasses and an exagger-
ated shirt collar and parts his hair in
the middle.-Norr. Herald.
"YoU mean elastics," replied g.
Broadway clerk to an old lady who
asked for carriers. II suppose some
high-nosed people call 'em 'lasticks,"
she said, " but when I get too stuck up
to ask for carriers, Ill not box my
Susan's ears for saying hose when she.
means stockings" She got her carriers.
AN old pioneer, who believed that
"what was to be would be-" lived in a
region infested by Indians. He always
took his gun with him, and once, find
ing that some one of his family had
borrowed it, he would not go without
it. His friends rallied him, saying
there was no danger Of the Indians, as,
anyhow, he would not die till his time
came, eyes," said old Leatherstock-
ings, but suppose was to meet an
Indian, and his time was come, it.
wouldn't do not to have my gum"
A LOUISIANA clergyman divided his
discourse into three parts, thus: Gun
der the first head, my hearers, shall
and myself; under the second, things
which I alone am conversant; and
finally. under the third, shall discuss
\ IL 4 lO ~ oF
anything"
A MEDICAL contemporary, who has
been giving the fair sex lesson on
health, remarks that cred cheeks are
simply oxygen in reflected form; and
young ladies anxious to possess them
should seek them where the roses get
theirs-out of doors" This is true
enough, doubtless; but there is some
thing to be said on the other side.
How does our medical friend explain
away the fact that roses stop in their
beds all day?
Mrs. PARTMGToN insulted her doctor
in the following decided language:
Yes, doctor, and few days previous,
feeling somewhat predisposed, and
having a groaning pain in the abandon,
I took some patient medicine, and /
feel convicted that it it seriously re-
paired my constituent. | suppose I'm
of an execrable temperature, for I'm
always a-worrying ever since Betsy
Smith had congregation of the lungs,
or some tonsorial affectation; but to
tell the truth, I've always dreaded in
fernal rumor."
"WHEN you are warmly tucked in
bed, and congratulate yourself upon
your excellent mattress, think what
kind of bedding your horses cattle and
dog have" This is the advice given by
kind-hearted exchange, and we mean
to follow it, If our dog should take it
into his head to bark for blanket,
We'll just hand it over to him; if our
horse should want to lie on q spring
mattress, and kick about not getting it,
we'll give ours up to him, if it's the
only one in the house, and if our cattle
should suddenly manifest desire to-
| fhoxy nnlxy