Weekly Trinity journal., 1877-05-05
HOW SHE FOOLED HIM.

1AO w Il NOAIO 4441As
John Sanscript's wife went to bed on
the night before the 1st OF April with her
mind made up to tool the old man next
day or die in the attempt. In previous
years she had found John impervious to
jokes of all kinds, and she realized the
Augean task before her on the morrow
With her mind full of her selt-imposed
task she went to sleep. At daylight she
awoke and at once began to operate. Her
victim WAS lying with his back toward
her, apparently in sound sleep. She
poked him vigorously in the ribs with her
sharp elbow and clawed his shns with
her toe nails, preparatory to startling
him with half-whspering warning.
John-Oh, John-there's some one
ringing the door bell"
Lem i'm ring" was the sleepy re
sponse.
But, John, maybe it's the man on
the next square, who owes you that Sl00
Colhe W pay YOU
"No faint, NEITHER" said John, with
yawr.
But you don't know, and it may be
that very man."
- guess not, for he's buried died
last week. Besides, old woman, your
ears deceive you. l took the bell-knob
off last night, to fool April-foolers.
Heavens, what mess she made of it,
to begin with But when the old man
rolled out of bed, yawned, and picked up
his pants, she rammed the sheet in her
mouth to plug up her laughter.
"Oh, jimmy, won't he tumble when
he puts his foot in them pants and finds
the legs sewed up - she said to herself.
Judge OF her rage when the provoking
brute innocently carried the bocl<aded
breeches to the wardrobe and inquired
Nancy, where's them chocoate-col-
ored pants | had on last week ?"
Put on the ones you have in your
hands, John what's the matter with
them ?'
81 bust button off yesterday, and
they need mending in the seat"
AT breakfast she poured out Il nice cup
of coffee for him and sweetened it with
two spoontus OF salt.
You needn't give me any Coffee" he
said, keep that yourself"
Why, John, what's the matter
This is the first time since We were mar
lied that you refused coffee"
"The blamed stuff has made me ner-
vous lately, and, as this is the irst of the
month / thought I'd break off and on y
drink 1t for supper"
When he came home to dinner she had
prepared him neatly directed envelope
with a sheet Of blank paper inclosed with
in. He eyed it suspieiously, and throw
ing it into the fire said
81 know that handwriting. It's from
that crazy lunatc who wants me to vote
for him tomorrow. SO much for his let
ter"
In the evening she disguised herself in
one Of her husbands old suits and came
to the door to beg for charity.
" Please give me nickel to buy some
bread"
"Go out, or I'll give you nickel
with my boot"
But, sir, consider. I'm starving"
" The devil you are Now, I'll bet
you $500 against the suit of clothes you
wear, that you are an impostor."."
" But, sir"
If were to search you now l
shouldn't be surprised to find you lousy
with wealth. For two cents l would
see"
" For heavens sake"
"Now, none Of your soft-soap on me.
l don't believe IN beggars. Here, you
policeman, take this internal lmpostor to
the station house"
just as the "peeer grabbed the sup
posed beggar by the back of the necl, a
shril voice yelled:
John John you wouldn't send
your wife to the station-house, would
you ?"
"The HI / wouldn't" was the re-
sponse. Anybody who lies to me about
my door-bell, sews up my trowsers, puts
salt in my coffee, writes me anonymous
notes, and steals my clothes, ought to go
to the penitentiary for life"
" But how did you know"
"If you women wouldn't talk in your
sleep you might keep secret once in a
while.
Mrs. Sanscript says that hereafter
when she attempts an April-fool joke she
intends to sit up all the night previous.