The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-04-14
BUDGET OF FUN.
yincWedding Finery.


man. to whose light arm was linked. tall
him girl of eighteen, with sharp nose, pale
blue ewes and hair the color OF an old knife.
handle. entered store with both eyes full OF
business AS the pair took seats, q clerk in.
;imated that he was ready to make bottom
prices on any goods in the store, from the
finest silk to the glaziest calico.
This is kinder delicate business for u.s."
replied the young man, casting sheep eyes at
The girl.
"That is to that is-yes, ahem" STAN
mercd the clerk.
"But guess we'll live through it, Molly,
and here goes. What we want is trossy for
this girl-a bride trossy, believe they call
H."
THAT'S exactly what they call it," replied
The clerk, "and now tell me what articles you
want and I'll give you the lowest figures"
The pair looked at each other ina half fool
Ssh way for minute. and then the girl hid
her face behind stack of goods
"A little skeery, but she'll get over IT."
mused the lover. THE first thing, s'pose,
is a Dress
From one TO sixteen dresses, as you like.
You'll take the black silk perhaps"
And perhaps | won't. There's no style
about us, Mister We marry for love, and
we've got to make leetle money goa long
ways Is calico purity low"
80, Zekel!" gasped the girl, suddenly show
ing her face.
We'll well, go little better, though cali
co is my motto Hand us down something
about twenty cents yard Gave us dove col
or for doves are meek and lovely, and 50 is
Molly"
Twelve yards of dove colored goods were
cut off, and Zeke looked around and said,
Less see. s'pose back comb, two yards
pr rih hnnch n
or three collars, ought to figure in some
where
The clerk agreed and they were figured in.
"Less see She'll wear her sisters hat to
stand up in and her shoes wont show If she
has long dress on. | guess that's about all,
isn't it, Molly"
The girl blushed very red, beckoned him
Closer and after u minute he turned TO the
clerk and said:
"Irs kinder throwing money away, but
she's purity good and gentle and | don't
mind She thinks she ought to have fifteen
cent corset and two pairs of stockings"
The articles were bought, inspected, ana
placed with tie "uossy" and after the had
held another whispered consultation, Zeke OBJ
served:
"Wcll, that's all Flggeritup and here's your
cash. We've got to 90 and git some hair OIL,
and dollar gold chain with Il locket to it,
and pair of sleeve buttons, and some shoe
strings, and you see the outfit is gong to
squeeze me bad"
"When does the marriage come OFF, asked
the clerk.
"In about ten DAYS. She's good girl and
loves ne. and Pm trying to do the fair thing
by her. 'Taint many young men who would
put up seven or eight dollars for bride
trossy for his girl but when make up my
mind TO marry any one I'm almost reckless
as to wealth She didn't need that any more
than | need suspenders, but she had sister
married with corset o. and she didn't want
70 be behind her"
IL hope you'll be happy"
ave shall be--can't help it. This ERE gal
can sling more enthusiasm into mess of
taters than any queen in Europe, as for tried
pork-yum! She can compose poetry, chop
wood, draw pictures, milk cow, build suit
of clothes or spell down anybody that stands
on legs, and when winter howis around our
little home, we'll sit with our feet IN the oven,
chaw apples and remember that | had to
take her old dad by the collar and jerk his
heels to the ceiling before he'd consent to this
marriage. Well, goodbye. Come, gall
Yesterday an old negro who had been sub
pgneed IN the case of Rice, who was ON trial
FOR murder, did not put in an appearance at
the appointed time, and an officer was sent
after him. In about three hours the old fell
low was brought into court and his comical
appearance caused a smile to spread over the
audience He looked for all the world like
a Louisiana returning board struck by light.
ming. He was brought to the rail, and hold
ing his hat in his hand, stood trembling from
head to foot.
The Court: Can you give any explanation
Of your absence from this courtroom?
Witness: Fore God, Judge, | didn't get no
su-pe.nya.
The Court: Did not the sheriff serve the
papers?
Witness Well, we see judge, wheHebber
Ise been su.pe.nyed dey alters glib me pa
per. DIS time dc sheriff reads de paper, but
didn't glib it up. Guess knows de law on
supe-nyas.
The Court: The law does not require the
subpoena to be delivered.
Witness: Fore de Lord, Judge, s'posed 1t
did. Nebber ment no dIsreSpect for de court.
Down IN Louisiana de sheriff always handed
me de su.penya pussomby. Fore de Lord,
Judge, Pm tellin' you de truff
The Court: What were you doing all this
time?
Witness: Judge, wouldn't tell ye lie for
S29 | was piayin' poker. had four queens
wId de e'high, and $40 in de pot. wus
gOin' TO quit when de sheriff come in Fore
de Lord, Judge, wus JUS thinkin' about
comm up.
general laugh went up, the Judges face
relaxed into smile, and after giving the wit
ness a sharp reprimand he lei HIM off with
out aine.-Virgiaid city Chronicle.
"And this" said gifted italian artist, as
he slammed the top of the organ down uron
the monkeys tail, after frsitlesSIy grinding
Beautiful Spring" before an imposing block
of empty houses, "this is the boosted musical
culture of Boston :" and nuttering "a diavalo
mitsuchur one.hoz town, badcesstoit," in the
liquid language of Italy, he turned his face
sadly towards Milwaukee.