Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1877-08-17
Uncle Jerry's Fish Story.
New York Sun.

"They amt no use O talking" said
Uncle Jerry Greening, fur pick rel is
just the teenaishusest and voraishusest
fish they is"
A party of fishermen were camped on
the Rattlesnake Greek, near the cele-
brated Greening farm, in the best trout
fishing section Of the Shohola region in
Pike county, Pa. The question of the
voracity and tenacity of fish was being
discussed over the pipe and bowl, after
a days tramp Of many miles. Old Tn.
Gle Jerry was present. The catfish, the
EEL the black bass, the trout and picker
ell each had it's champion and illustra-
tive stories that must have made the
bones of Munchausen turn and rattle in
their grave were related to prove the SUI
periority OF each in the two attributes
mentioned. Uncle Jerry had taken but
little part in the discussion, and the
eight of argument seemed to be in fa-
vor of the catfish. Then the old fisher
erman came to the aid Of the pickerel
"A full grown pick'rel ats healthy,
said Jerry. " II eat it childurn and its
childurn's childurn to the tenth genera
ton; nd I'm daned if I amt seed one
t had got hold n his own tail somehow
n was tryin' his purtiest to git away
with hisself | take t that a fish that
hez sich appetite as that orter be put
down 'mong them as hez t least ink
lin OF voraishusness. Is pick rel teen
aishus? Wa-al, mebbe | don't know zac-
ly what teenaishus is; but I've cotched
pick'r through the ice, throwed 'em
out an seed EN- flop round till they
froze stiff; kept EN- two r three days
then carried 'em twenty miles to git
home, an chucked 'em on the kitchen
floor till I'd git ready to clean 'em. I've
seed these same fish lay by that stove
bout five minutes, an then begin to gap
an work their gills, then pooty soon go
to foppin' an skippin' round the room,
gator an wouldn't be still till hit EN-
in the head with the ak Mebbe Daniel
Webster's dictionary don't call that teen
aishus, but if 'tain't, it's pooty durn nigh
on to it; amt it, boys?"
The boys could scarcely help allowing
that there was at least suspicion of
tenacity about a pickerel guilty of such
conduct
Guess | never told you bout ole
Squire Billin's pick rel that he had
onct, did |? Wa-al, boys, thar was a fish.
Mebbe you won't b'lieve this story, but
it's true's preachin, an if you ever see
the ole Squire he'll tell you the same
thing. He KEEP the pick rel in spring
in pastur on his farm. 1t warn't more
n a foot an half long, that pick're
want, but he were S commojus as a
ten-acre lot burned if ha MT gone to
that spring with twelve-quart pail full
o liver, n after feedin t all to ole Tee
totaller-they called him ole Teetotaller
cause he never got full-hed snap his
jaws and tear round in that spring till
she billed, cause there want any more
liver coming to him. The cows at feed
in the lot got so they was afraid to go
and drink in the spring, cause Teetotal-
Ter chawed their noses. He'd tackle
anything. Ole Squire left subsile plow
layin' near the spring one night, and the
mex mornin' 'twcre gone. They allus
blamed a feller that lived over that way
wi stealing it, but l tell you he's inner
cent. That burned pick'rel eat that
plow!
"Wa-al, anyhow, the Squire bought a
new COW one day, an turned her in the
spring lot | were thar, an me an the
ole man was leanin' on the fence lookin'
at the new COW. She fed round awhile,
an then walks over t the spring to take
drink. She drunk, and turns round
an stands still swishin an swoshin'
her tail in the spring She were nice,
fat critter an ole Teetotaller liked the
looks Of 'er, an made up his mind to eat
'er up. SO he waltzes over to that side
O the spring, an when the cows tail
came down into the water ag'in, he
closes on it like bar trap. Did that
COW beller? Some, l think An then
she guy one jump an ole Teetotaller
cum out II that spring he'd been shot
out II cannon. An round that lot they
went, the COW bellerin an humpin 'er
back, an lookin 5 if the wuthlessness
of this mundane spare had never struck
her so forciblc afore, while Teetotaller
were takin in the slack in 'er tail about
Il foot at every jump They hadn't made
more'n one circuit of the lot afore the
pick rel had put hisself outside o all
that COW $ tall but in maxim a grab for
'er rump he missed his holt an cum ter
the ground kerhummiX
by the horned spoon! said the
Squire, that settles Teetotaller!
I'VE ruined over to whar he fell, ex-
pectin', of course, to fin him deader'n a
June shad But, boys, you may ask the
Squire, n he'll tell the same thing-if
that durn fish wan raisin' up an tr'-y
in to see which way that cow had so.e,
an spittin' out cows ha'r enough to
mix a hod O plaster, | hope I'll never
see the back O my neck! One o Teeto-
taller's eyes were out, an thar were a
han full or two of meat scooped out OF
his back; but we carried him t the
spring an put him in, an 'twere all we
could do to keep him from jumpin' out
an gOin' cross-lots arter that COW, he
were so durn durn mad an dis-p p'inted.
He got quieted down in time, but that
COW never went within ten rod o the
spring arter that. The pick rel, I'm tell
in you, is durn teenaishus an voraish-
us insec' "
And no one offered to dispute the su-
periority of Uncle jerry favorite.
But, Uncle Jerry" said one of us,
what ever became of Teetotallcr? Is
he living yet?
No, boys, he amt His voraishus
ness were too many for his teenaishus-
ness. The ole Squire got to thinkin' a
couple year ago that the durn fish were
costin' good deal to keep, so he cut
down his rations to eight quarts o thick
milk an ten pounds o liver day. You
d nat rally pose that were nutf for
any fish. Now, catfsh'd live to be a
thousan' year ole on that fodder. But
Teetotaller's constitushun required a
considerable nourishment, an one morn
in bout three months arter the reduced
rations commenced, they found him
hoatin' in the spring wi his belly turned
t tn sun. He were deader'n a shared
pheasant. The ole Squire said he'd
been pizened. They want no more pi-
zen bout him than they is bout a garter
snake. He were starved to death, boys;
he were certain!
Circumstantial Evidence.
Springfield (Mass) Republican. q.
Circumstantial evidence, which still
keeps it's place so powerfully in the ad-
ministration of law and penalty, is so
repeatedly discredited that it seems a
wou1or that II c.n ovor ha acoapf a1 nc