The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-10-18

l&- A gentleman who came down
from Lexington on Saturday was ask
ed how times were in that section. He
said: "About all / have heard of
lately is q joke oil an editor, who, go
ing sway, left his paper in charge of
minister. During the minister's
stay i'll the sanctum the following let
ter came from mountain subscriber: /:
You know very we'll paid my sub
scription to your paper the last time
was in Lexington. If / get any more
such letters from YOU as received last
week will come down to Lexington
end maui HI out of yon! The
minister answered: Il have been
trying to maui that thing out of the
! editor for ten years past, and if you
will really come down and maui it out
of him, then, my dear sir, l hara
twenty members Of my church viii
also get you to operate on
BDr A jury has found a man
guilty, and then recommended him to
mercy, because it was not clearly
proved that he bad committed the
ofense charged against him. There
was less logic in its proceeding than
in that of the jury who, although o
prisoner confessed himself guilty, yet
acquitted him because, as the fore
man afterward explained to the as
tonishe.i Judge, the prisoner was sucl:
! liar that it could not believe him.
e@- At the police-court q confirmed
rascal is seated beside o gendarme,
who keeps fatheziy eye upon him,
and, noticing that his prisoner is anx-
;ensly leaking asessad, IS e csa!!cc;;...a cs.!c;;..;.-
ting his chances for making success
ful bolt, remarks, affably, "Keep gaiet,
take your time; no hurry. When
yourturn comes they'll call your name.
You'll lose nothing by waiting" Pris-
oner-"Yes / wili-ny liberty"
B@ A man picked up q purse in
the street and advertised the fact. In
ten days he was visited by sixty-one
men, women, boys and girls, all claim.
ing to have lost money. The sum was
but Gil, bu. Of each visitor who oa.!ssd.
the finder asked: $50 you lost $50, did
your" Nine-tenths Of the applicants
promptly replied, Eyes, sir" "Ah,"
said he, "yours was another purse"
bDr X, walking with clever doc.
tor, meets n pretty woman, to whom
the doctor bows. "Who is she, eh ?"
"a patient" "IEer bow was almost a
cut-fifty below" Possibly. We're
not on the best Of terms. You see, l
was called to attend her husband and
had the misfortune"- "Oh, / see.
to let him die" "No, to let him get
WE'LL"
nJ- An Irishman, fresh from the
"old country" saw turtle for the
firet tinfe, and at once made up his
mind to capture it. The turtle caught
him by the finger, and he, holding it
out at nrms-leDgth, said: "Faith, and
ye had better let loose the howit We
have, or I'll kick ye out OF the very
box ye sit in, be jabers."
"a One test Of G great mind is its
instantaneous availability in an emer-
gency. The boy who can drop pa
per bag Of eggs on the sidewalk and
paes OH without changing his gait, In
ter-ur::ag his whistle, or looking at
what he has dropped. has a future be-
fore him, and perhaps something un-
pleasant behind him.
n9- "My dear boy" said mother
to her son, as ne handed round his
plate for more turkey, "this is the
fourth time you've been helped" 81
know, mother" replied the boy, "but
that turkey pecked at me once, and
want to get square with him." He
got his turkey.
DD- A. duel the parties dischar-
ged their pistols without effect, where
upon one Of the seconds interfered,
and proposed that the combatants
should shake hands. To this the 9th
er second objected as unnecessary,
"fnr." eaid he ".hc;. h.ss hsaas have have Ls .,s..
shaking this half hour"
Hg- A boy FIVE years of age having
stolen can of milk, his mother took
him to task with moral suasion, and
wound up her discourse by exclaim.
ing, what in the world were you go
ing to do with the milk Z" ii was
going to stea! dog to drink it." was
the crushing reply.
So why" asked o teacher in the
Sunday school, "did Solomon tell the
sIuggard to go to the ant 7" Because"
said thirteen-year-old boy, "!s,e knew
his aunt would have him at tbo wood.
pile or the oDion-bed every afternoon
as soon rs school is out"
pD- The Major, (rocking Nelly Oh
his knee, for Aunt Mary's sake.) 81
suppose this is what you like, Nelly p
Nelly. "Yes, it's very nice. But
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