Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-04-19
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

| -Inundation is causing CONSERVATION in
many parts of the Nation.
Few men are so clever as to know all
the mischief they do.-R0chetoucauid.
There's nothing new under the sun.
Herodotus mentions the blue glass theory.
"A bad hopper ration-being forced to
| givesup your fields as food for the grass
hopper. ......
Why is chloroform like Mendelssohn 2
Because it is one of the great composers of
modern times.
White velvet dresses give roundness to
the figure e-Herald And f1atness to the
purse.-Chicago Tribune.
Men who have bank notes coming due
should feel glad to see the days growing
longer.-Detruit Free Press.
An aged negro woman is pupil in a
Boston infant school. She says: 90 Use
gwine to learn suthing afore die"
Thus far, every patent medicine or
soap man who has swindled newspapers
out Of money for advertising has gone in-
sane.
No matter how fine a hand a Young
man may write, it always looks bad to see
his signature appended to a"promise to
pay"
"A bill before the New York Senate
makes it crime for anybody to deface
natural scenery by painting advertisements
upon it.
There's an equator that runs Just under
the nose; all that live below the equator
are animals, all that live above it are men
-Beecher.
The man who gets into office must do
1,trxy oil
the feeling that some day he will in like
manner be yanked.
On a small island in Louisiana are a
dozen box wood trees, the only ones in the
United States, and are supposed to have
been planted by coasters in the Spanish
reign.
Nice country that about Matamoras,
Mexico. The poor people who come into
MatamoraS to sell wood and grass arc
stopped on their return and the proceeds
of their industry appropriated by footpads.
The furniture of the House of Rep
resentatives is bright yellow oak and cane,
very much the color Of pulled taffy; while
that of the Senate is dark mahogany and
horse hair, like burnt caramels-N. Y.
Herald.
Canada has one Judge who is a
Judge With an old Roman strength of
honor girding his soul, he recently SEN
fenced his son to the Penitentiary for five
years for highway robbery. And then he
went home and cut the name Of that son
out of the family Bible.
"A new style of gun, resembling in
shape walking-cane, is b~ng introduced
in San Francisco, and generally adopted
as a weapon of defense. 1t will propel a
bullet 100 PAGES, and only tritling re-
port is given. 1t is manufactured In the
city, and no concealment is attempted by
the makers.
Parry tells of an Esquimaux boy who
ate eight and half pounds of seal meat,
pound and half of bread, a pint and a
half OF soup, and drank three wine
glasses of gin, ii tumbler of hot whisky
and water, and five pints of water, con-
suming the whole between intervals OF
rest in one day. He had probably served
as a reporter on a Chicago newspaper
| C:tseEnisati CommerciuL.
-Aftable young man who is smoking
his after r-supper cigar on the ropf of a
Broadway stage asks the driver why the
check-strap is like conscience, intending,
of course, to amuse him with the time hon
| ored explanation that it is an inward check
on the outward man. Butthe charioteer' s
answer, '' Because it Stretches" showed n
more thorough knowledge of the practical
workings Of both elements of the compar-
| ison.-N. Y. World
! The following anecdote is told in il
lustration of the proverbial politcness of
Spanish robbers: An Englishman was
once accosted on a lonely road by ruff
fan. g Sir, you have my coat on; may I
trouble you for it?' The Englishman
drew pistol, and told the fellow he was
mistaken. Sir" said the robber, g
perceive that am. VIII you do me the
honor to communicate your name, that I
may remember it in my prayers"
-Head-dresses for evening are arranged
high and quite at the back of the head.
| Single flowers on fine hair-pins are now
| furnished for ornamenting full-dress coif-
fures, as they can be dotted all over care
lessly with excellent effect. In place Of
scalpettes, are being worn broad fronts
not united at the parting, but intended to
| be laid beneath the natural hair, which is
| combcd over them in this manner the ad-
| dition is SO we'll concealed that it is i'm
| possible to detect the false efront.-OhicQgo
| Times.
Miss Annie Bourne, of Cory, Pa,
claims that she was married to Mr. G. D.
Worrell, one of the wealthiest citizens of
Niagara County, n. Y, on the 22d of
September, 1875, and produces marriage
certificate TO that effect. Mr.. Worrell de-
MES He says that he corresponded with
| Miss Bourne, but never married her, and
that if such marriage was performed he
was falsely personated, by somebody. The
case has gone into the courts, and all the
country round about Rochester is agog
with the sensation.
The pastor of the Methodist Episco-
| pal Church at Milton, n. Y, is said to be
extremely plain spoken. The other even
ing he said that certain man was going
straight to perdition, even if his name
was on the church books, whereupon the
Individual mentioned arose and left the
church with several of his friends This
clergyman is the same who recently paused
in the middle of his sermon and told a
| young lady in the congregation that if she
wanted 10 "spark" she had better go
home.-BostOn Globe.
I'm the secret language of the tramps,
the letter H" ON the gate-post means
that the rcsidents will give the caller a
handful of grub; ST." that he will get q
seat at the table; q S. NJ. ;" that he will
get square meal, and +" G. B., y that he
will get the grand bounce" Now that
the secret is out, let every house-owner
HE himself TO his gate-post, and dig in
| letters deep and that cannot be nisunder-
stood the mystic sign, G. B u Here, at
last, is The complete solution of the tramp