Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-05-03
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

wafer.
"A new London song is entitled, "I
cannot say good bye'' Then why doesn't
he simply say "Ta-ta ?"-NOrristopn
Herald.
Joe Coburn goes up for ten years. In
the still watches of the night he can take
his little pencil and figure the cost of
shooting policeman. r-..
The Boston Globe is authority for
stating that the notion of eating oatmeal
or cracked wheat at breakfast Is becoming
a regular Boston wrinkle.
-" It's nice to have slippers given to
you," said the naughty boy who had just
been corrected for lying, when he saw the
fine pair his big brother received from his
girl; +" but it makes all the difference how
you take them.'
1t is rather expensive to go to Egypt
to look upon an eastern pott ntate, and
much cheaper way to secure the spectacle
is to wait till the circus comes along and
throw an apple into the happy family cage
and see the mon-khedive after it.-Bur-
ltngton Hawk-Eys 1ss--
-" In the spring the gentle sere-
Naders tinkle their guitars,
And the violins make merry
Music underneath the stars;
Then, next day, the gentle sere-
Naders not so jolly are
For a fellow can't be merry
Playing on the soft catarrhr'
Lebanon Herald.
1t is not long since aKentucky expert
who had been called in to decide wager
as to the weight of a mule, having applied
a tape-line to the animals hindquarters,
recorded his opinion, as the local paper
says, with singular neatness, ''just before
his death, that, if that mule hefted as
much all round as he did behind, his
weight must be 81, 900 pounds"
There arrived at Portsmouth, N. H.,
the other day, a married couple who had
walked all the way from Ogdensburg, N.
Y, in search of employment. The hus-
band (who is but eighteen years old says
his wife (who is only seventeen) stood the
hardships of the tramp better than he did,
though both were in good health andSpirits
at the end of their long walk.
When a young man from Harvard is
asked if he will always love her thus, he
does not answer, "Will duck swim ?"
Science has taken the place of poetry, and
he replies, "Will evolution from the un-
conditioned working in protoplasm by ac-
cretion and absorption produce the organic
cell?'' Then he inquiries languidly- if
there are any cold beans about the house
The Test O. Worth. Artist" what do
you do in this lonely place, Donald, when
any one is sick and the doctor ten miles
of?'' Donald Oh, we shust give hera
dram" Artist But supposing that has
no effect 90 Donald "We shust gle her
another dram ~ Artist" Yes; but sup
posing even that does not do?" Donald
Oh, we shust gle her another dram, and
II that does nae cure her, she's no worth
curing. ."-Funay Folks.
The witness before the court was Mr..
Wood. "What is your name?" asked the
clerk. "Ottiwell Wood" answered the
witness. How do you spell your name 2"
then asked the somewhat puzzled Judge.
Wood replied: 90 double T, double
U, E double L, double L, double o D."
The astonished Judge thought it the most
extraordinary name he had ever met with,
and after two or three attempts to record
it. gave it up amid roars of laughter.
The new spring suit of clothes Is
more than ever work of art. 1t is the
most striped, ringed, streaked, speckled
and checkered thing ever brought to pub
lie notice. 1t sits a man as Cossack sits
his horse, and looks for all the world as
though made from the wool of Jacobs
spotted sheep, or some of their direct de-
scendants. 1t fairly make d 1Ilan dizzy
tn look at o1e or these new suits, and
eugry to see the owner strut around in it,
Especially is this so when the man can't
afford to have one himself. - Chicago
Journal.
A woman writes to find out what evil
genius it is that always leads man into
the parlor to black his boots on the best
ottoman, rather than on the more conve-
nient wood box in the kitchen? And why
a man always starts to walk away from the
wash-stand when he begins to wipe his
face, and drops the towel half way down
the stairs, or out in the front yard, or
wherever he may be when his face is dried'
Good land, woman, do we know the IN,
fathomable? We suppose its the same i'm
pulse that always makes woman stand
before the glass to comb her back hair or
button the back of her polonaise.-Bur-
g5ngtsn HACK Eye.
Experience is better than money, and
we can get any quantity of it if we only
are careful to lay it up as we get it. The
trouble generally is that we neglect to
take care of and save what we earn of
this valuable commodity. Awrfter in the
Country Gentleman relates this fable: "A
young man and an old sinner went into
partnership. At first the young man had
the money and the old sinner the expert
eRce; at the end of the second year, the
old sinner, somehow or other, had all the
money, and the young man the expert
ence." This young man was wise, after
all, if he saved that which would in after
life prove most valuable to him.-Detroat
Tribune.
An intelligent red man came into our
sanctum this morning and inquired as to
the condition of Natchez, the Piute chief,
who is lying sick at his ranch in Humboldt
County. We furnished the Indian such
information as we possessed on the subject,
and he requested that we watch the papers
to see when Natchez was dead and inform
him of the fact. 1t was formerly the Gus
tom of the Indians to communicate with
each other between distant points by means
of watchfires on the hill-tops; but they
have become so far civilized as to recog-
nize the press as a better vehicle of INTEL
Iigence than bonfire. During our con-
nection with the ReUejlEe it has been a CON-
mon thing for Indians to come TO the Of
fee and inquire about matters in connec-
ton with their own people or tribal af-
fairs.-Aastin (NeU.) ReUslLle.
A Boston LOye-Scene.