The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1877-05-08
NUMBER 1892.


cnAFT.
Pounded Ice for dinner, IL allowed
to stand too long, is not what it 10
cracked up 10 be.
Mr4 Partington says that few per-
sons suffer from suggestions Of the
brains nowadays.
In Brazil diamonds are found on
mountains 5000 feet above sea. This
Is what makes them 90 high.
A Yorkshire woman Is so clesnly
that she uses two rolling pins, ,-one for
the pastry and the other for her hus-
bands head.
They say II is dangerous TO 60 into
the water after hearty meal, bat who
expects TO And hearty meal In the
water?
"When de-" said q married man,
I want to go where there IL no snow 10
shovel" His wife said she presumed
he would.
A Troy woman says that IL death
loves q shining mark, II u singular
that he has not aimed at her husbands
nose before this.
MARY" said st. Louis woman 10
q new servant, when you hang ont
the clothes be careful to put the incest
pieces TO the street"
''Sure. mum, said Biddy, 'T1l have
breakfast as soon as can, but I've
billed thin listers on hour an half an
they amt tinder yit"
Johnny, have you learned anything
during the week7' asked q teacher of .
five year old pupil. "Yeth m" "Well.
what is iiy" Never to lead small
trump when you hold both bowers
A precious boy Of eight summers at
tributes the death Of pet gold fish
his sisters idol-to the fact that il
couldn't take o joke. By way Of
joke he used 70 catch II occasionally
with a bent pin.
A new paper, in an obituary notice
OF q subscribers son, says: "Hs vas
an uncommon smart boy. He had q
little too much curiosity, perhaps, or
be wouldn't have peered 20 fatally In
TO his fathers gun.
A non.partissn Judge has decided
that o man may legally kiss the hired
girl provided he can prove he nistook
her for his wife; but how shall 10 profit
that man when he finds himself minus
one eye aud with no heir APPARENT
"Awl from Titusviile, seel" said
the magnificent hotel clerk to the guest
who had just booked. "You are in
oil, I take it?" 'In OIL" thundered
the farmer. "So! Do you suppose
Tn o ssrdine, like your"
We can breath easier now. The new
counterfeit 81 900 notes now in circu-
lstion can be detected by their greasy
feel" 1t cuts into an editors salary
fearfully 70 get "stuck" with four or
hve such notes in q week
Tramps sro waiting anxiously for the
time when il will be warm enough 70
sleep in the fence corners nights, en-
their journey southwark to NEE. the
fields OF green corn, and new potatoes
"What would you do il mamma
should die?" she pathetically asked Of
her little three-year-old daughter. ~
don't know" remarked the infant With
dovncast eyes and melancholy voice.
"I thpose should have 10 thpsnk
myself !"
The telephone will soon revolution
iza domestic affairs, for the man, in
stead of blushingly telling his wife at
the supper table that he will be detain-
ed at his Office, can 60 down town and
whisper through the telephone that il
is lodge night.-[Oil City Derrick.
al say, boy, is thera anything 10
shoot around here?" inquired sports
man of boy he met. "No, nothing
just about here" replied the boy; "but
our schoolmaster is just over there.
cutting birch-rods. You might walk
up and pop him over"
A st. Louis Sunday school boy gave
his teacher this illustrative definition
OF responsibility" Boys has two
buttons for their s'penders SOS to keep
their pants mp. When one button
comes of, why there's O good deal OF
responsibility on the other button.
Inc Ohu AutODlO ntfdfu uesNIlDes -
scene before the Grand Jury a. follows:
Foreman--"Gentlemen, il 10 net neces-
sary 10 administer the 9th OF secrecy
to this witness, as he is q member OF
the press, and nobody would Believe
anything he might divulge, anyhow"
IL was Pope who used to swear,
''Stod mend me-" and, swearing his ia
vorite oath one day ia the presence Of
little boy, the boy looked at the di-
miHished and misshapen form Of thu
poet, and said, "God mend you, in
deedi think il would be great deal
easier 70 make new one"
A Syrian convert 10 Christianity vas
urged by his employer to work on Sun
day, but he declined. But" said the
master, docs not your kible say that,
il q man has an ass OF an or that falls
into pit on the Sabbath-day, he may
put him QUIZ" "Yes," answered the
convert; "bnt il the ass has habit of
falling into the same pit every Sabbath
day, then the man shonld either Ill mp
the pit or sell that ass.