The New Orleans daily Democrat. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1877-1880, 1877-12-30
nR. sIMPkIN's DOWNFALL.
The Preacher and q Garter-MOw short
socks Produced n scandal.
[NeW York Times.

New York Times.l
Man is the only ANNA! that wears short socks.
The great trouble with the short sock js that
It will not keep Its place, There being nothing
cessariy drags It down about, the ankle This
causes an amount OF misery which is appalling.
There Is no man who can feel any confidence
| In his sacks. Whether he is walking or sitting,
be knows that his socks are slowly but surely
slipping down. Carriers being out Of the ques-
ton since the shortness Of the sock does not
| 1t will not Slip there is absolutely no remedy
for what we may fairly call the giant evil Of the
by desperate men, but they have both proved
useless. and have merely added to the misery OF
| the user; In these circumstances there Is moth
silence, or to boldly cast 1t aside and adopt the
full grown stocking
The latter alternative was recently chosen by
that eloquent and unfortunate clergyman Rev
Charles Simpkins, of Westbrdge Pa. Until
the catastrophe which has lately overtaken
lar and promising young clergyman. He
could repeat the opening exhortati ion all the
way from Dearly beloved" to forgiveness for
| the, same, without once ,paussing for breath,
and 1t has been asserted that he could mono
tone the entire Apostles Greed while breathing
only three times. AS he was unmarried. and
not yet tw5nty-sev years old. he was re-
ried ladies Of his parish. and he received more
annual slippers than any other clergyman In
Neal ness was one Of the distinguishing char
acteristics of Mr.. simpkins and there are
keenly from socks. When walking through the
viii age he was In continual dread lest his socks
should descend into public view. and even
while preaching his most eloquent sermons, the
perspiratien would gather on his brow as he
felt one Of his socks was gradually slipping
his massive intellect threatened to totter. and
IN the or Of the eighty Sunday after
damages That night he resolved that vigorous
measures must be taken. ana he accordingly
Sand Who resded IN Ills city, escosed al
the necessary measurement. Shortly afterward
he received. ostensib1y from the husband, but
pairs Of Balbriggan hose. together with pair
Of scarlet e!astica an inch In width. and Of pre-.
eisely the right size.
peated experiments how to wear the scarlet
appliances, his spirits began to rise. He was
stockings firmly kept their place. and he felt
that he could even attend q church picnic and
climb overa fence without fear of consequences.
Accordingly Tor the fret time during his resi-.
Sunday school picnic OF the twenty first of Oe-
tober last. and thereby filled with unutterable
delight the souls Of all the unmarried teachers
Mr. Sin pkins. being free from care, entered
into the sports OF the picnic with great zest and
their teachers. should take part In game Of
blind mans buff. The request was acceded to,
End the usual runniag lsMHghsng and shrekng
ing in company with six excited teachers, from
the puruit OF q blindfoded small boy that he
suddenly noticed that one of his elastics had be-
come uncasped. and had fallen to the ground.
At the same moment 1t was perceived by the
nrettiest Of the teachers who made d frantic Of
fort to seize it. but was anticipated by the I'M
happy Clergyman. 1t was bad enough for him
to know that the teacher had discovered his mis-
fortune. but what was his horror and amaze
she demanded that he should hand her that
instantly. He was 80 astonished at her evident
desire to make sport Of him that he did not
degn to answer her, but put the disputed article
the teacher burst into tears and informed her
confidential friends that Mr.. Simpkns. had the
inconceivable audaefty to steal one OF her-in |
fact, her private property.
The scandal spread rapidly and widely, and
grew as rapidly as It spread AT the end Of half
an hour every lady at the picnic had cut the |
clergyman In the most marked manner. Burn |
Ing with, shame and indignation. he forgot to |
repair. the deficiencies of his toilet. and went |
home feeling rather more crestfalen than did |
the prophet Daniel when he found that the |
lions would not recognize his existence. 1t was |
not until he was on the point of seeking sleep |
less pillow that he discovered that both his scar
on the table. The full horror of his situation |
flashed upon him. The teacher had really |
dropped scarlet elastic, and he had seized It |
under the impression that 1t was his own.
The utter hopeessness OF ever making any |
satisfactory explanation Of the affair was only |
too apparent Early the next morning Mr.. |
Simpkfns fed from Westbridge o ruined man. |
The fatal article which had caused his downfall |
but powerful .eoquence the. lesson that we |
should bear the socks we have. and never |
dream Of flying to stockings, Of which we know |
nothing except by hearsay.