The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-10-20
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

thews over The Ohio senatorship was amlcapi
settled by the voters on the OH Of October.
The Rochester Democrat thinks Charley Ros
was deposited in Chicago savings bank.
1t was Brighten Youag's son who wrote TIN
line: ''What is home without mother"
Ifyou do not want 10 be robbed of your 'soo'
name, do not have it painted on your umbrella.
They are going to dramatize The Tweed reveal
tons An opera has already been composed
about him-'Willam Tcll.'
Salt Lake City just ct present reminds one Of {
Wall street speculation; there's no great prophe
in it.
The Springfield Republican remarks that Mr.
Patterson seems to have prejudice against visit
ing the state he represents in the United States
senate.
Joseph is whipped and P.ang's big chrome
factory is burned. Bring on your thanksgivin d;
day!
1t is remarked by bilious Eas,cln journal o, a
Chicago couple: 1.-TWO souls with brit a single
though,-how to get rid of each other"
Danbury Ne,cs: 'While the Russians were
making their tec. ible assault on Plevla, Caleb
Cushing eau, Int 1900 mdvkercl. lie is olc of
the whole school gentlemen"
An Ohio editor ecently announced that a Ger.
tain patron of his was "theving, as usual" It.
was written thriving.
Gen, Towards plan for Che escape Of Joseph
might baya succeeded had it not been thwarthcd
by the ilsuboFdilalion 0, Gen. Miles.
A Western editor wrote 1t "By Virchcw Of a
write Of frey fakas" Gone to meet the Doctor
who cures "Cronic Deseasis."
o' "a, s9*a n Missouri, man
was struck by lightning While pnyng croquet.
Heavens vengeance, though Tong delayed some
times, is awthl,y certain: gr FHeaE .
The reason Why the Ohio republicans were SO
badly whipped at the late election was because
they forgot to project the Pope's Toe into The
contest. The iiee schools are in danger!
A Utica boy ate check for several hundred
dollars and then announced That he was a busV-
ed savings bank and asked TO be placed in ,hc
hands of a receiyer.-Utico Herald.
Greenland has no cats 'IIow full OF WISDOM"
exclaims the Chicago Tines, ''arc the ways Of
Providence! Imagine cats in a country where
the nights are six months longn
That was an uncommonly good toast given at
a social gathering the other evening: "In ascend
ing the hill Of prosperity may we never meet
friend"
COW was recently drowned on Long Island,
by falling, head foremost, into u hogshead OF wa
ter. This is warning to those who try to mix
milk and water the wrong way.
''What we look for in the Senate is manm
shouted Conkling of New York. just SO! the
same worthless thing woman always looks I'M
der the bed for before she retires
Dandies, TO make greater show, ....t
Wear coats stuck out with pads and putting;
And this is surely apropos,
rr For what's goose wi,lout The stuiiingy
What better reason can you guess ...
Why men a.e poor, and women thinner;
But thousands now for dinner dress
Till nauGhl is left TO dress for dinner.
An exchange wants 20 know: Can any intell-
gent person give an Intelligent reason why an In
telligent lawyer should stand within f.om one to
ten feet Of twelve intelligent jury men, and yell
at them as though they were deaf, or Mt the OPP
posite end Of a large hally
In Park county, Ind, last week, a child was
born with Its arms and hands turned backwards.
Its parents were in despair till they reflected that
the youngster would make a good detective, or
district attorney or custom house inspector.
Gen. Mcclellan, at his recent reception in Bos-
ton, must have been more than ordinarily touch
ed when a woman enthusiastically grlsped his
hand and gratefully exclaimed: "My husband
was killed when with you at Coal IIarbor God
bless you, Geueralr'
Har1e.'s Bazar says "adies will wear camel's
hal listers this winter" We don't like to dis
pute such authority as the Bdzdr, but Wen
bet Mr.. Harper 500 we know one woman who
will wear the same old eighty five GEM wa,er-
proof all winter long, unless her husb'nd's lo'-
terry ticket catches a more Christian number tdan
oughty ought hundred and oughty ouglt, as /,
did last time burlington Hdtok,ye.
The type. fend is at It again. An Iowa cotcm.
porary is .hrea.eaed with three hos -whippings
and duel and is in despair, because, in dcsc.ib.
ing pleasant little tea party he wrote that ii
was simply an Informal affair" and the "inielli.
gent compositor" set it up simply an internal
affair"
young convert who wrote for spiritual ad
vice TO Mrs. Van Colt was considerably astoIish-
ed TO receive the following directions for his way
OF lie: sew tue skirt 10 the Dell, laslcu thrcC
paits, turning downward, and finish all The edges
with hens or facings." A lady friend OF NJ,
Van Colt was also slightlyeta,tled that NOR lin
by the receipt Of letter from her begging her
give up chewing tobacco and drinking whisky
urging on her The peris Of lewd company and ours
ing, and promising 70 pray for he reformation
Persons who have a large correspondence should
really be more careful about their envelopes
Puck.
Here is another batch Of those horrid Duns 10
which the paragraphers are driven for want O
wit
Eyes have they, but they sec not-potaiocs.
Ears have they, butthey hear not--corn stalks
Detroi Fro Press. Arms have they, but they
hug not-windms. ~ onlers Go5ette. Tongues
have they, but they talk not-wagons Pougikop
sic Press. Legs have they, but they walk not
iables.--Toughkeepa Nesos. Heads have they
but they think nol-cabbages. Hudson Register.
Hands they have, but they ,oil not-traInps. :
CoBden Post. Noses they have, but they smell
not-pitehers. ~. Y. Erpnss Lips they have
but they hiss not-.ulps. -Philadet phia Bullefin.
Teeth have they but they chew no.--huck