St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-07-06
VOLUME 4O---NUMBER 2O84.
Squibs.

ucCduSc IL IDduc
hustle in the Outskirts.-Graphic.
Meanly says the Albany Argus:
Brigham Young commenced celebrat-
ing his silver wedding Monday, and it
will take him about three years before
he finishes"
Appearances again indicate that the
back bone of, winter has been broken,
but its well enough TO carry the garden
into the wOodshed every night for a
week yet.
When a man attempts to pull the
wool over Billy-goat's eyes, he
should wear breast-plate of boiler
iron well down on the stomach
''HOw to tell mad dog" is the title
of an article that is going the rounds.
We haven't anything to tell mad dog
that we couldn't send to him Oh a post
al card.
Celia Thaxter, in her last poem says
''The sunrise never failed us yet" The
lady is quite right, but we confess with
shame that on some two or three oc-
casions we have failed the sunrise
Richmond Enquirer.
"My hotel is perfectly safe," says a
Richmond landlord. s'Wires run from
every window sill to the roof of the
building opposite, and balancing poles
can be had upon application at the Of
tice."-Richmond Enquirer.
Irascible Old Party-"Conductor
why didn't you wake me up as | asked
you? Here 1 am miles beyond my
station" COnductor-''I did try, but
all | could get out of you was, All
right, Maria; get the children their
breakfast, and I'll be down in about
minute."
If a man gets boil on his nose his
wife calls it rum blossom, and deals.
out her sympathy by the two cents
worth yet if she but notices a pre-
monitary symptom of a pimple on her
nose, size Historically declares it a can
Ger and sends for two doctors.
An American, after dining at a Lon
don restaurant, paid his bill, and was
about leaving, when the waiter sug-
gested that the amount did not include
the waiter. ''Ah y said the man, ''but
| didn't eat the waiter"
If man buys new buggy, or if his
COW can bawl 3 times without wink
ing, the local is expected to proclaim
it with grand flourish. If he starts a
DuSluCSS, HIS HISJ buOuRHb lS
to bribe the ''local" with five cent
cigar to write out five dollar puff.
''What is the best remedy ?" asked a
a preacher of shrewd observer, "for
an inattentive audience ?" Give them
something to attend to-" was the signi-
ficant reply. Hungry sheep will look
up to the rack if there is any hay in
!, it.
A victim of DR.. Greeley's hand
writing says "If Horace had written
that inscription on the wall of Babylon,
Belshazzar would have been good
deal more scared than he was"
, A Pennsylvania Dutchman, who
married his second wife soon after the
funeral of the first, was visited with a
two hours serenade in token of dis
approval. He expOstulated patheti
cally thus: 81 say, pOys, you ought to
be ashamed of yOurselfs to be making
all dis noise ven dar vas funeral here
so soon.n
They were sitting together and he
was arduOusly thinking what to say,
when he finally burst out in this man
ner: SIN this land of noble achieve
J ment and undying glory, why is it that
= NOluCu tiO hol CoihC lIOlc W buC lIOuI
and climb the ladder of fame 2" 81
suppose" said she, tying knots in her
handkerchief, ''it's on account of their
; pullbacks."
A subscriber" asks would you ad-
wise healthy young man to go to the
Black Hills? ?" If the young man lives
| in populous neighbOrhoOd, and is
2 learning to play the cymbals or accor-
deon, we would advise him to start for
r the Black Hills at once. Such a trip
may be the means of saving his life
! and the lives of some of his neighbors.
' NOrriStOWn Herald.
, A venerable divine, who had been
: dining out the night before went into Il
BARRIERS shop one morning to be shaved.
He saw that the barber had been get
ting more drink than was good for him,
for it made his hand shake very much,
and, naturally little indignant, he be-
gan to give him little moral advice by
saying: ''Bad thing, drink" eyes,"
said the barber, ''it makes the skin re-
markably tender!"
5 "Recrudescence," said he, thoughtfully
' after studying the dictionary for an
hour-"that will be good word-goOd
us usufruct, and usufruct carried the
p election so far as it was carried. If we
p could only have stuck in 'recrudescence'
we might have carried the electoral
q commission" Then he went off for at
least four days rest in the bosom of
$ his family at Highland Falls.-Albdny
: Express.
/ Those meat shOwers-nOw people
know exactly what they are. They
had one of them in Franklin, Tenn,
t the other day, and a scientific man put
g a bit of the 'meat' under a microscope
II and found it to be ian organism
S loricated infusoria." Each animalcule
: is enclosed in a shell of silica, and is
: one four-hundredth of an inch long.
n One drop contains almost so of these.
II The scientific mails theory is that
e they came from decaying heaps of kelp
o in the Gulf of Mexico.
More Mormon Outrages The Utah
n correspondent of one of the New York
f great dailies looked too long on the
Il water and brandy when it was amber
). cOlored, the other evening, and as he
# was going home he ran against some
# thing and witnessed display of Fourth
: of July pyrotechnics. Fifteen minutes
: afterwards he was telegraphing to his
v employers i'll New York that the Nor
n mons had made another attempt on his
life by coming up behind him and
! striking him on the head with a lamp
! pOst.-NOrristOD Herald.
II The unhappy Kentuckian who bet OIL
Hnr th.