Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1877-08-01

In Washlngton, observed: "Ihefe
millions in it" and then, in a quiet
manner, "there's millions after it.
The people in Massachusetts val
legs are getting so now that when
man comes into the neighborhood
and builds a dam, they sell out and
move to the top of the hill, and
nail cleats up along the trunks of
the highest trees.-Boston Trans
cript.
The handsomest man in the re-
cent State Editorial Convention
was-hem he was obliged to stay
at home.-Ex.
That consoles us for not being
able to attend the convention, but
it is not at all fattering to those
who did attend.
Animals may think, but some
times they do not think very fast.
A COW got into James street gar
den, Friday, and it took her half
an hour to make up her mind
where to go out. A man and dog
were flooding her mind with in
formation all the time.-Rome Sem
tinel.
Mamma asked little White
haller, sis our old hen going to be
sent away for the SUMMER 81
guess not, my son. she replied;
"but why do you ask such a ques-
tion?' because l heard pa tell
our new hired girl that they would
have sweet time when he sent his
old hen away for the sumner
Whitehall Times.
1t is said that "the moon has
gained about an inch in rapidity of
motion" within the last hundred
years. This is no doubt true, for
young men will tell you that when
talking at the gate with their sweet
hearts the moon goes down much
quicker now than it did when they
were boys waiting to rob a water
melon patch.-Louisville Courier
Journal.
Let us strive to be happy in this
world. When melancholy steals
over us we can at least kick stray
dog on the street and allow a smile
to steal over our features as the
sound of his howlings grow faint
err around the corner.-Oil City
Call.
A few words from the dog would
be in order. Let US hear both
sides Of the question.
A State of health--Md.-Dan-
bury News.
A State of suffering-Ill.--Wash-
ington Nation.
A fatherly State-Pa.-Norris-
town Hearld.
A girlish State-Miss.-Phila-
delphia Bulletin.
The old woman's State-La. Me.
Rochester Chronicle.
Sporting States--Sucker, VOL
VERNE and Badger.-Free Press.
The State of pain-O!
An old Highlander, rather fond
of his toddy, was ordered by his
physician, during a Temporary i'll
ness, not to exceed one ounce of
spirits daily. The old gentleman
was dubious about the amount, and
asked his son, school-boy, how
much an ounce was. "Sixteen
drachms make one ounce" was
the reply. "Sixteen drains! What
an excellent DOCTOR" exclaimed the
Highlander. "Run and tell Donald
McTavish and big John to come
doom the NIGHT" -Ex.
A rollicking Hibernian Of the
light Division in the Peninsula.
was once trudging leisurely along
the road with pig in string be-
hind him, when as bad luck would
have it, he was overtaken by Gen.
Crawford. The salutation was not
the most cordial. "Where did you
steal that pig, You plundering ras-
calp "What pig, Gin'ral!" ex.
claimed the culprit, turning round
TO him with an air of the most in.
nocent surprise. "Why, that pig
you have behind you, you villain
"Well, then, / vow and protest
Gin'ral,' rejoined Paddy, nothing
abashed, and turning round to bis
four-footed companion as if he bad
never seen him before, cit is scan.
dalous to think what a wicked
world we live in, and how ready
folks are to take away an honest