, 1877-05-20
The Committee returned with the following


.ned eitaens q '1 tie Tweft xoud most
of ~ oo5 for % the of next season
a PASSPORT TO IMMORTALITY.
A young m.n at Chenoa has for long time past
M tie
the length and breadth OF the land. At first he
thought ct committing iutanticide on a Primary
iIerod; % then @ he Thought he'd turn architect and
buid an Ephesian dome. and have it wipe out more
people in a day than Mul!stt could ina year with
he iae "eos eoneladed ihat he would us have have the
Associated Press announce him as an
old Line Wing; then he decided upon sending
indeed be never WIS. All Of theec suggestions,
however, he dismissed as impracticablc. Finally
happy thought struck him. lie wrote to nine
been for years sufferer from tauudce. liver COM
patnt piles, dyspepsia, vasicose veins,
ache ncusaleia, Eout, and pulmonary consumption,
doctors OF a schools 5ut yafnly till nine different
friends Induced him to try nine different remedles,
to.wit: Fluid Extract OF Birch Bfo0H, Liver m
spiriting Pills, Anti.ifemorrhodal Galynnis sny ,t-
penderx pepstnc Cocktails Medicated Electric SIZE
Stockings. Essence Of Truncatcd Caulidower, Am
moniated Antmonial Powders Como'ned Co,sGlia FUN
Oil Salad Dressing ard Tonsorlal Lubf1cator Attef
using two bottles Of these respective medicines,
IL
from two to seven weeks he was Jointly and sew
orally able to digest Bcrea grindstones anu Clark
street strawberry short cake, run nine m1ies IN
58;47A, throw three back -handsprinss before
breakfast without the use Of glasses, and had
gained si1ty-cislt pounds in flesh, besides having
his har curl aud his inustache come ouL bs ne1i
December he is firmly convinced that his name WILL
be in the mouths Of millions or people anu MS pof-
trait be translated into all the tongues OF tue
world. Such Ii the way to fame.
L FEMALE IAG0.
Tho nrerape rir1 la aS auilees3 Q3 Mnchllyel and
as unwilling to 1nict pain upon her most Intimate
enemies as a Sioux Indian. There j. a maiden on
at her you would not fancy that oleomargarne
wonid melt in her mouth but for weeks and weeks
last winter she Kept all the girls in her ward racked
lovers thinking about suicide and the Black lil!s
and kept them al SO busy returning each others
presents and assng explanations: tn1 a"d
bcat rot i permanent kink in his lack. Her meth
Cd never was solved. but it vas slmplicity's self
She used to borrow her brothers scal-rins and
keep it In her pocket, anu when au opportunity
offered at a small social gathering would ostenta-
tiously induce some other girls fellow 10 escort
her ont on the stoop or into the basement dining
sence would he noticed and had become tue SUBJ
iect Of comment just before entering the room
she would slip her cheeks fon. or dvc times
30 as to raise few burning bushes, rumplc
her hair little, twist her collar out Of gearing,
and slip her brothers ring upon her anger. snc
informed TRIBUNE reporter in confidence that the
old thing never failed to work. Invariably the fcl-
lows girl would fire up, and, approaching her with
iiiy disguised nonchalance. ask what they had
been talking about The young lady wonid cast
that thew had been discussing safvct Pashns reply
to the Andrassy note. or the Presidents instruc
fellows gIrl would. with artful nrtlessness, SAY,
my. what lovely new ring I never saw it be-
Let sec it. pcfs The0 heS did ts gst
in her pocket and say it was only an old one. And
then. about half IN hour later, when that girls
fellow came to rec her home!
- III ,erv vel, tn bc an .sncakine or even on
;nf;mafe terms with a policeman, especially If you
arc subject to epilept,c ts saturday nights but
tases. F'rinstance, tbs other day, as young man
Vas co;r along Clark street friend OF bis On thc
has9 a asaF III Madison a san 1oasly Snto
eped pesn alone Viii him .oward % Monroe from
habit out Of s Phaeng his
Manu- ahoner tbs Corner Of Monroe strset
thew narted. The officer going on along Clark and
Inc tne oha an r,nrn n,aE adu:t thrS ,nvs
tma ~ the nrcnrrrnce hut conn1e Of hours
in iatar bs ~ stcnned into bi1liardroon where The
pfoplstoT ' an!t rnGSi m 90. ea, vn1
semataea, 'a sacnmanv;n" his remasrs hy cer.
tain tain mysteriious sisns. The young man didn't
na1 of6 t6e had een arrSns
t"A6 =" 49, SS..n{,ta,ao.
ne opsss' @ eu t1s I ;n, sra so;1 :. 1Iniio
& ~ r, ,at NJ II h. had hcen sict md
'aa nen 1,o 5ou xniascen+ Whon he MT tvc ~
se tGcc%cr thrv Would AFTER sa1utins him
a., n,Ror Juystornns,v md fnrn ~
"hispel 70 eaca 9.nst ~ i.s.n a anu .u.n "
LOOK alie1 niH- LIS ntst .;a5 ~ WIS .u@' ast
oe ae nou uiact ot ~ ~, h;s 10 n,so -,
Ea1ls, o'aen ~. 9pnjng ~" jnto s,1ona
sometnln!, Dul ~ tutHtnS !a.o sauun
anu e3an1lnlHS , nii,se,t III ~ .ns vi ne 'oun4
nothing wrong Win " pelsoAal apgsaianIe- ~
.nis nc he i.a sngnrx o t snonn IN ond
vefsatlon N inc lille snnsgsiy ~ ss n 7a,uuu, nn
ri,ae;Er an,sarsa;or. ..And Sm;th 1,oa Sonn
.,, s.voc foifo,p to1a rce that xo,r tha officar
Eiors str..a, ~ The .t.t;nn ia
sd oaI -,arva too for hc tent smilin0 and chin
i E;th tha nn1fceman ali the time ns II ,c knew
s I;s ~, NJ rin.P | uoxa tnt;no a sra1e fnr.thnr for
y aa naa ;, ..Md ,.ar W.T. th, rnn,n Hn1nng. ~
ss %, n, ha want rrncfv. i,nt tho 6cclar
Asrs Ms 1anu ,;,i1L ~ ,ni5 NO r. 1oa-d 1hare ~
mIsnt oois. pA'y ~" e +ha isa' shae
~ s an praa;at aMnf to,nd T. ant md that smiih
Lne lrss,oen' % ; @ na sn;a III 1r,ends ,n
sent cow On ms SneSs hnn @ sa,4 Is d
sake Of his widowed mother 70 let up on him, but
nc ffesfoent sala, Soe mach' 4nasy Anas' h taat
en Inc soft oi 1ntI"pl aMf " MoFus ~ .,at
cucel. anu calied IN Tue 1,uCes. NOUN oA omitn
hotncf. . mcH, We see ~ auout ~ III .Ms
papers,. DIG you near no" mueh II was:
Not dircGiy pnt Freq tola Ine LINZ. tnas one Or ane
DIRECTORS foo hu In secrecy that there wete ABOUT
537, 600 missing and that the thing had been
gong on 1ot ycats-eFer e;ncc Inc
drcr IN fact snonldnt ee
surprised IT went -, up INTO
SIX figures at leAst " onuer II Smltn sailed any