Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-06-21
NrSCELLANECS ITEMS.

|
1t would probablybe only laugh
| ing matter if a cometshOuld strike the
earth-a little wreck-c1Rtion, as it were.
=" Pullet politics. iwhat the Nation
al Republican ungallady calls the dis
cussiOns of the WomanSuffrage Conyen.
ton.
The grasshopper to the farmer:
"Don't be fool and rant to take your
wheat to that miller. I'll be your hop
per-"
An exchange ch1nicles a serious
vehicular accident y He would call
| shipwreck "terribleFessicular casual
ty."-Erehange.
Boston is tired Having her boys
playing on the streets and proposes to es-
| tablish proper playglunds for them in
different parts of the cy.
-"Are American gls delicate ?'' 1t
depends7yery much ihethrSyou offer
them cocanut cake ad ice3cream or q
| bar of soap and waslboard.
In most places I" stones throw,'
{" five minutes walk ETC., are used for
measures for short distances In Dubuque,
however, they speak q a place as being
"within the bawl of anule.''
She wouldn't stah to have a tooth
pulled for 81 300, 900, she said, and yet
she walked all day in iny boots two sizes
too small for her andhought nothing of
it; but then nobody &w that tooth, and
several saw the boots.
Charles, playfully-How much, real.
ly, did that hat cost, Jennie? Jennie,
archly-If you really want to inspect the
bills for my dry goods Charles, there is
way TO do it. And what else could
Charles do but propose m the spot?
Some men, daz;ld with sudden
riches, imagine Themselves born aristo-
Gratis, and it is this kind of a man who
buys very high -picad thermometer,
thinking he will havebdter weather than
his neighbor. Ph5ta@phi0 Bulletin.
1t makes a man mad, and his wife
madder, when he wakes up in the early
morn and finds he's gone to bed in his
boots and stove pipe hat, and recollects
that it was a lodge melting that made him
forget to divest himself of these articles.
When the foreman of the composing
room knocks a fOrminto "pi' now, he
doesn't have it rese, as of yore. He
simply slaps it into tie press as it is, and
the newspaper is runotf with war-map
up to the average. PlilddelphiG Bulletin.
The miserable little three-cent pieces
coined i'll 1868, and whose disappearance
from circulation did more than ANYTHING
else to reconcile the people to postal cur
rency, are returning agsin, not to ''plague''
the inventor, but to bolher the Postmaster.
Detroit Free Press.
Swift was one day in company with
young coXcomb, WIN, rising from his
I,air nd
air, would have you know, Mr.. Dean,
that | set up for a Wit.'' ''Do you, in
deed 20 replied the Dean; " then take my
advice and sit down again."
New linen collars are cut low at the
throat, but they have revers that fold
closely together and conteal the throat.
of red, with black, blue or gray. India
colors are wrought on the turned-over
English points. .-H07YerS Bdzar.
When man comesLo borrow little
money of friend, he asks for it in wreath
of smiles; but when he is asked to pay it
back he smiles not at all, but looks ag-
grieved, and says: L believe do owe
you little, but I can't pay now. Let's
see, is it five or ten dollars 20
A Providence man who is fond of
statistics, conceived an idea about year
ago that he would keep a memorandum to
show just how many nen whom he should
have dealings with would do just as they
agreed Thus far only four out of 628
have the right kind OF mark against them.
The time of year will soon be at hand
when you will buy dollars worth of
postage stamps, fold them up and place
them in your pocket-book, and when you
need them, find the lunch glued together
in such shape that he entire mass would
not carry an open circular to the next town.
OIL Caty Degritk.
The New Hampshire husband is hasty,
but is ready to apologize when he finds
himself in the wrong. He advertised his
wife, lately, and now he comes out with
this frank retractiOn: "This is to certify
that I, Levi Caldwell am sorry for posting
my wife, Abbie Caldwell, and think the
Bible forbids me doing so.''
The Philadelphia Bulletin remarks
that if bread is the staff of life, pound
cake must be gold-headed cane. -"
Doubtless it is true, and two ice creams
and a girl are a regular wheeled
velocipede," says the Boston AdUertlser
Yes; and if there's four in the party and
the other fellow settles for all the cream
and cake, it may be called the circus band
wagon of our earthly career.-Bufdlo EG-
press.
People who make habit of chewing
paper are hereby warned not to use postal
cards for mastication purposes. Durin g
the letting of the contract for printing
them last week, it was developed that the
linen rags from which the cards are made
are mostly imported from Egypt, and arc
obtained by stripping mummies. Many
tons Of mummy wrappings are imported
every year by American paper manu-
facturers.-Chtcago Inter Ocean.
Good John Wilkins, of Stafford, used
TO say of billiards: 1T seemeth to me if
a manne have no better use for hys time
than to sprawl upon a table with one of
his legges indecently in the air, striving
to make one bale upon a green cloth
to strike another, it were better that he
practyse standing on hys head, the which
not only needeth the greater skill, but,
withal, doth make the breaking of a
worthless back the more likely
"A citizen entered a saloon and called
for cigar. The barkeeper handed out
the box, and cigar was selected, but the
customer did not appear to be very much
pleased with it. " "Where's the corned-
beef?" he inquired 'Corned- beefr' the
barkeeper repeated. "Why, what do you
want with that?" "WeH,n was the re-
sponse, ''Corned- d-beef and cabbage always
go together. I've got the cabbage here
indicating the cigarl, and ought to have
the beef to match itl''
Prevalent Manias.