The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1877-04-06
Butisseeuu Blaine Il, noe President in fact
1t is somebody elsel L'Pow L.

IL Is Somep0dY elSeI i'aaV IL D..
And now Norton, Simon Cameron and
those other sly old fellows hare quietly gone
and made their peace with Hayes, leaving
Biaire, all unconscious, tearing away with
his great speech at the empty air. AS
said before, Blaine is very smart None of
those sly old fellows are 30 smart rs Blaine.
He is not only so smart, that he can't keep
out of his own way. but he runs 30 fast that
nc stubs his toe against hipscf and tumbles
down. He opens his mouth and puts his
foot in it. He raises his hand to strike
Hayes and smites his own cheek-which is
protuberant 1t was funny to see Blaine
pranclng up and down the, Fog bank, and
nobody paying any attention to him except
john Patterson aud Spencer, together. with
a few niggcrs and some immature. females
in tho gallery. How he brandished thae
telegram Blaine knows how to brandsh
private papers. He knows how to get them,
also. "Howly Chroist," said Mulligau,
'he's got me mimorandy, toov' With what
| fine frenzy he waltzed around there in
small open space, with John Patterson ON
one side and old Hamlin on the other, and
threw down the gage of battle.
Would any solemn old senatorial pump
stand sponsor for Stanley Matthews dis.
patch ? Show him the son of a gun But
none of the old pumps responded They
were past the time of life when it is con.
sidered necessary to knock chips off the
shoulders of small boys. Poor Blaine =
| He couldn't even find windmill to tilt
against; fer he was the only one in the Sen.
| ate, and it is written that no windmill can
tilt against itself Suppose some Tipperary
| lrishman should waltz into the vatican some
morning with about six inches of his coat
tails dragging on the floor, and invite any
spalpecn in the august college of cardinals
to tread on them-'.jist trid on tn, tip ind
av wan av thin" Or imagine robust
VIM. goat trying to provoke hitching- post
to mortal combat. 1t is a long time since
anything has been seen so Utterly absurd as
Blaine's effort to make Donnybrook of the
Fog. bank.
am sorry for Jim. He is out Of his
line of business. He should Immediately re-
sign from the Senate and get back to the
House, where the boys will always be found
ready to whoop it up for him. They never
have any rows in tho Senatc-except in ex-
ecutive session andwhat would Blaine give
tor row when there are no boys or niggers
in the gallery and where no report of his
great speech could be printed in the nows-
papers2 A row of that kind is Of no more
value to Blaine than hand. organ, would be.
ASpu1satey Tia sid itaalt any
audience Of small boys to toss him pennies
| for his antics
| The only affecting part of the transaction
is the cool dcscrtion of Blaine by Simon
Cameron, Morton, Sargent and the other
sly fellows, leaving him to the tender mer-
cies of Stanley Matthews, who, as Blaine
| will presently find out, knows no such thing
as mercy for him. The situation recalls an
incident of boyhood A neigbbor of ours
had fine plum orchard, which was sur
rounded by high board fence, and in which
by way OF additional security against the
depredations of small boys, the owner was
wont to pasture an old Mcrino ram with
enormous horns and disposition similar to
that of Holman. One day half dozen of
US small boys held consultation about those
plums We agreed to capture them. We
all climbed the fence | was detailed to
| look after the Merino ram. and, in discharge
| of this delicate responsibility, was soon in
volved in what Southern gentleman would
call "a difficulty" [ got a good hold on
VIC oiu ioho"-py the hornS-anu lmmcdi-
ately my philosophical mind was beset by
the perplexing question as to whether had
the ram or the ram had me. But no sooner
was the deadlock pei feet than all the other
| small boys ran away to the owner Of the or
chard and told him there was wicked ur-
chin out there trying to steal his plums.-
Then the owner came out and lifted ME
over that high board fence, psrtly by the
tip of my east ear and partly upon the tip
OF his boot. What hurt my feelings the
worst was that, after having dismissed me
in this feeling manner, he praised the other
small boys for their honesty, and gave them
all the plums they could stuff into their
pockets That episode destroyed my faith
in human nature. Blaine will soon be a
skcptic also. A.C.
"FRAUD-ONLY FRAUD."-Senator Nor
wood, whose term of service has just cxpir-
ed, has been in the city during the past
three or four days, visitor.
swell, Senator" said the reporter, after