The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-01-25
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.

"Ah, me! Is life like the leaf?" cried
Like leaf," the echoing rocks replied.
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.
TIE remembrance of well-spent lif
is sweet.
The deeper the sorrow the less tongue
hath it.
IT is SO provoking to acknowledge a
charming serenade from Thomas Scott
and see it in print the next morning as
Thomas Scatt.
THE times are so hard that an Irish
man says he has parted with all his
elegant wardrobe, except the arm-holes
of an old waistcoat.
NoRRIsTowN Herald: We breathe
easier now. The new counterfeit 81. 900
notes now in circulation can be detected
by their "greasy feel" 1t eats into an
editors salary fearfully to get " stuck"
with four or five such notes in week.
FORTY MILLIONS of free people, dedi-
Gated from infancy to alteration of the
palladium of their liberties, will some
time or other flop over upon the
inventor of bull-dozing" and mash
him down, down, down into the night of
everlasting nothingness.
A TRAVELLER visiting a cathedral was
shown by the sacristan, among other
marvels, dirty opaque glass phial.
After eyeing it for some time, the tray
eler said: "Do you call this relic?
Why it is empty" empty" retorted
the sacristan, Indignantly. "Sir, it con-
tains some of the darkness that Moses
spread over the land of Egypt"
THE sNEEzE.
What momentl what a doubt
All my nose is inside out;
All my thrilling, tickling caustic,
Pyramid rhinoscerostic
Wants 10 sneeze, and can not do it.
How it yearns me, stings me, thrills mel
Now says, Sneeze, you goose; get through it."
Shee-shee-ohI tits most del-ishi-
Ishi-ishi-most del-ishi.
GIVE got another, my dear" said Mr.,
Dorkins, as he hurried into theihouse.
elf you were on the top of Trinity
Church spire on the back of goose, how
would you get DOWN. T' Mrs. Derkins
thought she'd jump down, slide down
the lightning-rod; fly down on the goose,
fall down, and then gave it up. "Why,
if you wanted to get down, you could
pick it off the goose" said Mr.. Dorkins,
exultantly.
A WESTERN man committed suicide
because the girl he loved didn't love him.
For two long years he held up the farm
gate until late hour at night, did the
churning for her, MIXED the COWS, did
the family washing, picked the hops,
Graded the oats, fed the horses, picked
stones in the field, built new fences,
painted. all the outbuildipgs, white
washed the kitchen, fed the horse and
courted the aforesaid daughter, and then
the aforesaid daughter eloped with a
lightningrod man, and he suicided.
DE QUINCEY was under sad bondage
to his landlady in his latter days. The
woman had sharp tongue and bad
temper, and the essayest, when unable
to pay his rent, suffered accordingly. She
is said to have taken possession of
great number of his manuscripts, and De
Quincy put the best face on the matter
by representing that the woman chad
conceived violent but hopeless attach
ment to him, which he could never re-
ciprocate, and this was the method in
which her rage and jealousy displayed
themselves"
AN eloping New Jersey couple re-
turned after the wedding to the brides
house to be beamed upon and blessed by
her parents. No sooner was the marriage
certificate displayed in the presence of
the old folks, than the father proceeded
to kick the bridegroom into the street,
while the mother blackened her daugh-
ter's eye and removed several handfuls
of her natural hair. The wedding re-
ception was postponed, but in few days
the parents concluded that marriage is
regulated by law and not by indignation
meetings, and they sent for their son-in-
law.
THE people of Los Angeles took very
unique method of preventing threat
ened influx of Chinese laborers. A
party of six hundred arrived there few
days ago and camped near the depot. The
citizens Immediately started a report that
the popularity of the climate causes the
} nose to grow to a formidable length,
! and that the Indians invariably seize
Cinnamon by their elongated appendage
and wiring their heads Off A few min.
utes before the time for the departure
t of the train for Indian Wells the Chinese
seized their baggage, dashed it from the
t cars, and stampeded over the hills and
out of sight.