The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-11-15
WIT AND HUMOR.


BORED of trade-The clerk, who has
spent two hours in an,inefectual attempt
to sell ten yards of calico.
A PAPER says of a very prominent
militia General that CHS sword was
never drawn but once, and then in a
rattle"
WHEN [ de-" said married man
" want to go where there is no snow to
shovel. His wife said that she presumed
he would.
II co through my work" as the needle
said to the idle boy. "But not until Won
are hard pushed" as the idle boy said to
the needle.
A FAvoRTrE mode of introduction in
Brazil is said to be, "This is my friend:
II he steals anything from you, I am re-
sponsible. "
"I'I1 call to-borrow," said the man
with cold in his head, as he went out of
a DOCTORS office. "N o, you needn't"
was the reply. ST never lend"
WHAT is the difference between a poor
gun and borrowed masquerade cos
tune? One is fired and doesn't hit. and
the otheris hired and doesn't fit.-Patck.
A HOME thrust. Doctor Now tell
me, Colonel, how do you feel when
you've killed MANI" Colonel h!
very we'll, thank you, Doctor. How do
you?"
A FARMER was asked why he did not
take the newspaper. because" said
he, 1'my father, when he died, left me
good many newspapers, and I have not
read them through yet"
THE other day mean man out in
Western Iowa went off into quiet coun-
try place and died SO quick that his wife
got the insurance money before the COM
pany had time to fail. The President
says he never felt SO swind1ed and cut
up since he has been in the business.
The announcementthat Lydia Thomp-
sons blondes carry mountain of
trunks" will be received with some sur
prise by the bald-headed man who sits
IN front orchestra chair and believes
that the girls have their costumes for
warded Ey postal-card. - Worcester
Press.
GO LOOK at that crowd" said gentle
man to a clergyman he was showing
through the State Department the other
day. "Just look at that crowd going
up in the elevator to Mr.. Evarts' room"
SO Yes, " replied the divine, "that's the
largest Collection for Foreign Mis-
sions I've seen taken up in many day."
-NeoO York Commercial advertiser.
He was told to remain after school.
when the teacher, trying to impress
upon his mind the sinfulness of not
speaking the truth, asked him If they
did not tell him in the Sunday-school
where bad boys went who told false
hoods. Choking with sobs, he said
" Yes, marm, it is place where there
is fire, but I don't just remember the
name OF the town"
A FARMER, being poorly provided with
materials of sustenance for his men, fed
them with bork cooked with the rind
upon it. A young man of the company,
not liking the outer portion of the food,
was observed by the host to be carefully
removing the outside covering, where
upon the latter said "Young man.
we eat the rind and all here" To which
the youth replied: "All right, old
man; I'm cutting it off for you
A Boston drummer, who prides him
self on his charms, forever lost his pride
the other day. He drove his fellow
drummers wild in a car by his atten-
lions to a comely maiden, to whom he
showed his samples, and whose hand he
squeezed for half an hour. But when
the train stopped a quiet old fellow
stepped forward and thanked him for
entertaining the girl, remarking, ''She
is hopelessly insane, and 7 am taking
her to the State asylum here"
TABLE.
THRICE armed is he who hath his ouarral inst
-4tt.Hs.t
And four times he who gets his blow in fust.
SCIENCE, with all its accuracy and pre-
,ision in many directions, has never been
IDLE to make out to the satisfaction OF
thinking minds why a servant girl always
las more cousins than any other living
creature.
WITH all our telephones, railroads,
savings banks, bell-punches and other
advantages, in some respects we are no
better off than one of Esau's camel driv-
9rs. 1t is just as impossible to get the
asst word with woman now as it was in
hat primeyal day.
The glories of Indian summer have
'ften been decked with the fowerets of
'oesy by the long-haired warblers who
i've on moonshine and spill coffee on
heir cravats, but do they ever lean up
gainst tree and think about it's giving
he mosquito six weeks extension on
he debt of nature?
OLD fogies may talk till their jaws ache g
bout the weak spots In republican
Orm of government, but the sons of
reedom on this side of the water can
AXE little children on their knees and
eli them that never in the course of
entury has the ship Of state been in
rusted to the guidance of man who
arted his hair in the middle.