The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-10-18
PASSING SMILES.

ULSTERS will soon be ripe enough for
entry thieves.
CLEoPATRA's needle is now threading
its way to England.
AN auctioneer is the only man to
whom nod is as good as wink.
THAT laughter costs too much which
is purchased by the sacrifice of decency.
THAT bell-punch used in Virginia
liquor saloons is only barometer, after
ali.
WE find self-made men very often,
but self-unmade ones a good deal Of
tener.
civilian Tell" was composed with
special reference to Tweed.
A FRENCHMAN thinks he has discov-
cred that round cared animals love
music, and sharp cared animals hate it.
THE Yankton Herald says that the
price of a squaw has advanced to seven
dollars and blanket, and hard winter
is predicted.
"WHAT can be more wonderful than
the grass ?'' asks California newspaper.
We think well-developed Canada
thistle takes the palm for startling
effect.
GRIM autumn now with measured thread,
And bowed and snow besprinkled head,
Comes apace.
Behold the glowing falling leaves
Behold the garnered golden sheaves-
Behold the stripped and ghostly treesi
And 10, the cheerful buckwheat cake
With lordly grace,
Ten thousand ailments in its wake
Dyspepsia, boils and stomach-ache-
Takes now its place
ST. Louis Journal.
ARISTOTLE said a gamester was no
better than a thief This remark was
made just after Aristotle had gone down
from Athens to Corinthus1 and &c.
picked up bad by monte man from
Thessalia.
NEW YORK Herald inquiries: "What
is more beautiful in autumn, on the cold,
white beach, than a shell, with its
say a boiled dinner, with its Pickering
greens and things.
EXAMINER: "And who reigned after
SaulT' Answer: "David." Examiner:
"And who came after David?' Answer:
Solomon" Examiner: And who
came after Solomon?' Sharp little
girl: "Oh, please, sir, the Queen of
| Sheba."
PHILADELPHIA Press: They had a
seance up in Fishtown the other evening,
and brought the materialized spirit of
Lindley Murray in, and when Lindley
answered question with my wishes
has been granted" there was no mistak-
ing his identity.
WHEN you see a dying fly come out
of the butter and go crawling over the
table-cloth with a disgusted look ON its
expressive countenance, you can bet
your sesterces that you have been pay
ing thirty-five cents a pound for oleomar-
garine.
BRIDGEPORT Standard: We read in
an exchange that Gin the Himalaya
Mountains trees grow up to a height of
eleven thousand eight hundred feet"
Only a young man and inexperienced
liar would write such statement as
that. An old prevaricator would have
struck off the eight hundred to prevent
the raising of doubts.
SLEEP.
Beautiful up from the deeps of the solemn sea,
| Cometh sweet sleep to me:
Up from the silent deeps,
l. Where waits and weeps:
| Cometh, as one who dreameth,
| With slowly waving hands;
And the sound OF her raiment seemeth
There is rest for all mankind,
| As her slow wings stir the wind;
With lullaby the drowsy waters creep
To kiss the feet of sleep
--Black,rood's Magazine
| WORCESTER Press: In garrets and
closets and woodshed lofts, lengths of
rusty stovepipe are now holding Conven-
tions, and passing resolutions to the
effect that they will stand up and be
counted, but never coerced by a red
faced man superintended by a fearful
yet determined woman.
NEW YORK Graphic: How quickly
and earnestly man will speak up in
self-defense. The Detroit Free Press, for
instance, deeming that some explanation
is required. says, "When aman's breath
smells of whisky, that's no sign he has
been drinking. He may have bathed
his foot" Give. him the benefit of the
doubt, boys.
BALTIMORE Neacs: A passionate and
revengeful temper renders man unfit
for advice, deprives him of his reason,
robs him of all that is great and noble
in his nature, and occasionally sends him
home with a black eye when he at
temps to try it on man who won't have
it.
| SLAvEY-"M Misses ses the milk's more
than 'arf water, an she'll have to deal
sumwares else, if faint no better"
Milkman-" Well, my dear, you must
tell your missis that Pm very sorry, but
them COWS of mine will eat damp grass,
and can't perwent 'em this weather"
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