The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1877-10-15
FACT, FANCY AND FUN.
Gems From the Quarry OfJournaI-
ism

Gems From the Quarry OF Journal
ism
The sky-psrlor boarders suffer from
roomatics.
You never know how brave man is
until you hear him talk.
THE principal diet OF the Presidential
party in New England was speeches and
cream.
RATHER appropriate place for match
maKiug-the Sulphur Springs. Girl,
take notice!
"WHAT the Turks want, says an ex-
change, as more money" "Yes, and Il
few less Russians
AN agricultural paper says stake your
tomatoes Bad advice. Better never
gamble at all
WArERMELoNs are 50 big in Texas
that small boy has TO go twice to steal
one of them.
"LADIEs weighed here is sign in
front OF an uptown store. a good place
that to look for weight o girls.
AN advertisement says, "Consump-
tives, take notice" That Is certainly a
cheap and harmless remedy to take.
BRIGHAM YOU'VE has gone to a
great summer resort-from whose burn
no traveller returns,-RjchmoHd En-
quirer.
SOME one calls for the teL-cent brandy
of our fathers, and we suggest the
three cent Havana of our pas to go with
it.
IT takes sll the enjoyment OUT of q
game of croquet 10 hear it called ian
amusement within the reach OF the ieeb-
lest intellect.
THE worst foe of the Greenbsck agits-
tor Is the bounLitul crop.-N J. Yr,6lme
rru,, but be wont acknowledge the
corn.
The woman with the Iron Jaw"
eloped with 81 trapeza performer in In
dianapol!s, the other day. We wish him
much Jawey !-BostoH Post.
JF you cut your finger on n piece OF
sheet-lron the chances are even tnaL you
will face grim death. Let your wife
put up the stoves Detroit Free Press.
A COTTAGE by the sea can Low be
rented cheap by persons desirols OF
spending the Christmas holidays away
from the noise and hustle OF the city.
water is very little uset in Rochos-
te-," says the editor Of the Buffalo En-
Press, aiding to himself, 81 wonder
Whist water is anyhow"-Rochcster
Democrat
You can buy diamond in Carlisle,
Pennsylvania, for fiity-tve cents. Tn,
prlce used - be sixty, but hard times
has caused diamonds TO seek their level.
BATTLE fields embrace one soldier out
of every ten; matrimsny one out OF
every five. But, if buried on the battle
field, you can't hear any one iswing
around.
ONE advantage of being negro is,
that the color of your nose don't give
YOU away-Oi City Call. If you are
satisfied, keep on. The rest of US prefer
to he white.
THE times appear to be hard, re-
marks the Graphic. And it was only
Yesterday that Detroiter lost forty ga.
ions OF ice cream because the times are
so so,t.-Free Press.
THERE are in the neighbor hood of
seventeen MeXiCaus VINO are ready to
head an army of invasion into the
! United States. Each one can be bribed
not to DO it by giving him mule and q
four keyed flute.
SENATOR MORTON can congratulate
himself on having laid over Jim Blaine
by halt on these special bulletins, though
| Blaine had had = sunStroke, seven doc
tors and a Presidential convention TO
| back BIN.
MADAME TUssAUD, of the London wax
works, is going 10 enlarge her establish
ment more than one hall. At least We
! Judge So for 1t is announced that she pro-
poses to secure the figures of Brigham
Young and his widows. A corner In
J the wax market may be expected.
LITTLE Macs soliloquy:
"Tell me We Jersey winds,
That round my pathway stalk,
Do | indeed live here,
OR over III New York;"
! Faith, Hope an Love, bright boonS to
mOrtalS given,
Flapped their bright wings and said. 'In
both you're Twin.
Y. !. Com. Adr.
81 WOULDN'T q minded bout los.r 9
them three fingers by that ere buzz
saw, said the man sad Y, but since that
time I've kinder grown reckless, and
gone on drinkln' and drinkin' by the
wholesale, and never KNOWN when ter
stop" But what had the losing of the
fingers had 20 do with your becoming 8
drunksrd?" broke in the stranger
"Why, you see" responded the lnebriate
IL e1plsnstion, them three fingers rs l
lost was the same ones Us sllus used to
gauge my whiskey with, an when them
WAS gone | was gone, too!"-ChicagC
JOuralGt.
HAPPY tidlngs for nervous sufferers, and