The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-12-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

SURE way to turn peoples neads-Go
late into church.
A CORN extractor that has never been
patented-The crow.
NEVER try to sleep off drunk on
railroad track. 1t is dangerous.
ALL the girls are becoming vegetari-
ans. They wear turn-up hats.
THEY have dime savings banks in Chi
cago-banks that save for depositors a
dime out of every dollar.
New MADRID, Mo-, claims to be the
geographical center of the earthquake
circle. Glad to hear it-shake.
WHY is Hymen represented with
torch? 10 throw light on those little
imperfections to which love is blind.
A ST.. LOUIS paper is discussing the
question, "Does it hurt a man to hang
him 2" OF course it does; it ruins him.
WHAT silent old world it would be if
men talked only as much as they think.
A fellow would have to carry rattle
around with him to make noise with.
SUPPOSE some one starts losing bank
for change. AS nearly all the savings
banks lose, perhaps a losing bank would
save The experiment is worth trying,
anyhow.
In order to save time and trouble,
Young men should remember that it is
blowing sand and sowing salt to at
tempt to talk poetry to girl who has
been eating onions.
In Russian school the spelling-class
wears out a new alphabet every week.
Some of the most knotty words are
smoothed off with a jack plane before
given to the class.
IT is foolishness for man to try to
make game of boarding house chicken
by looking at it, under the impression
that steady gaze of the human eye will
make any animal quail.
FRANKIE Jagged A." Mamma, lady
at school kissed me to-day" Mamma
"Did she, dear? I hope you kissed
her back" frankie Indignantly
"Kissed her back No 1 didn't;
kissed her cheek"
A GossrPING woman went into neigh
boris, intent on SANDER, and exclaimed,
as she threw herself into chair: Zone
half the world don't know how the other
half lives |" "That isn't your fault"
quietly responded the neighbor.
A GERMAN looked up at the sky and
remarked: 81 guess a leedle it will
rain sometime poorly queek." "Yees
do, ell ?" replied an Irisnman. "What
business have yees to purtend to know
about American weather, We furriner?"
A ooLLEGIAN interested in the subject
of civil-service reform suggests that all
the clerks in the Department of the In
terror are under Schurz, and that they
ought to be changed at least once in
four years, in the interest of purity In
the service.
A PARTY of gentlemen were talking
about counting, and one of them sadly
said he should never risk that kind of
thing. "Why SOP" was the general ex-
clamation. because" said he, "Ham
Harris has just courted investigation,
and it's ruined him."
"I APOLOGIZE for saying you could not
open your mouth without putting your
foot in it" said the editor, sternly re-
head. 81 solemnly assure you that
when said it L had no idea of the size
of your foot"
A CLERGYMAN, on applying for an APP
pointment, was asked: 81 hope, sir, you
drink III moderation Well, try as
much as possible to drink like beast"
"Lille a beast?" eyes! stop when
/ have had enough, and that is what
beast always does"
THIS is an off season for the small boy.
He can't eat green fruit and he
can't fall through an ice-hole; so he
hangs round the parlor and tells his
sisters young man how much of Anna
Maria's chiefest glory is hair and how
much is jute switch.-Puck.
"SAMUEL," said old Mrs. Crodilier to
her grandson the other day, what's the
meaning of all this talk about Butler
and Patterson ?" "Oh, nothing much"
said Sam, "only they've just found out
that old Ben Butler is she man who
walloped Billy Patterson, and now
they're going to tie his hands behind
him and let Billy straighten his eyes for
him, that's ALL "-Cincinna6 Breakfast
Table.