The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-12-20

ried at an early day to his bold and
bad rival.
-sSOSs-
To THE GIRLS.
From Josh Billings-Corrected.
Dear Girls, are you in search of a
husband?
That is a pumper, and you are not
requested to say yes out loud, but
are expected to throw your eyes down
into the earth as though you were
looking for q pin, and reply to the
interrogatory with a kind of drawing
sigh.
Not to press 80 tender theme until
it becomes q thorn in the flesh, we will
presume (to avoid argumenD that you
are on the look out for something in
the male line. Let me give you some
small chunks of advice how to spot
your future husband:
l. The man who is jealous of every
little attention which you get from
some other fellow, you will find after
you are married to him he loves him.
more than he does you, and what you
took for solicitude you will discover
has changed to Indifference.
Jealousy isn't heart disease, it is a
liver complaint. is-- y 49,
9. A moustache is not indispensi-
BILE it is only little more hair, and
is much like moss and other excres-
cences-often does the best on soil that
won't raise anything else. Don't for
get that those things which you admire
in a fellow before marriage, you will
probably dislike in husband after,
and a moustache will get to be very
weak diet after long time.
3. If husbands could be taken on
trial as Irish cooks are. two-thirls of
them would probably be returned ;but
there don't seem to be any law for this.
Therefore, girls, you will see that after
you get a man you will haye to keep
him, even If you lose on him. Conse-
quently, II you have got any cold vict-
uals in the house, try him on them
once in a while during securing sea-
son. and is he swallows them well and
says he will take some more, he is a
man who, when blue Monday comes
will wash well.
4. Don't marry fellow who Is al
ways telling how his mother does
things. 1t is too hard TO wean young
one.
5. Ifa young man can beat you play
ing on q piano, and can't hear a fish
horn playing on the street without
turning summcrsault on account of
the music that is in him, say to leave
him he might answer to tend babe'
and if you set him hoeing out the gar
den, you will find you have got to do
it yourself. A man whose whole heft
lies in music (and not too hefty at that),
amt no better than q seldlitz powder;
but If he loves to listen while you sing
some gentle ballad you will find him
mellow and not soft. But don't mar
ry anybody for just one virtue any
quicker than you would flop q man
for just one fault. ri er,
6. 1t is one of the most toughest
things for q female to be an old maid
successfully. A great many have tried
it, and made q bad job of it, and had a
hard time. Everybody seems to look
upon old maids just as they do upon
dried herbs in the garret-handy for
sickness-and therefore, girls, it ain't
mistake that you should be willing
to swap yourself off with some true
hearted fellow for q husband. The
swap is good one; but don't swap
for any man who is respectable just
because his father is. You had better
be an old maid for four thousand y ears
and then join the Shakers, than to buy
repentance at,this price. No woman
ever made this trade who didn't get
either a fool, mean cuss, or q clown
for husband.
2. In digging down into this subject,
find the digging goes harder the fur
ther get. 1t is much easier te inform
yon who not to take, for the reason
there are more of them.
1 don't think you will follow my ad-
vice if give it; and therefore, l will
keep it, for look upon advice as do
upon castor ola mean dose TO give
and a mean dose to take. But | must
say one thing, girls, or spoil. Ii you
can fiud bright eyed, we'll ballasted
boy, who looks upon poverty as saucy
as a child looks upon wealtk-who
bad rather sit down on the curbstoDe
in front of the Fifth Avenue Hotei;and
eat ham sand witch, than to go inside
and run in debt for his dinner and
who is man with
that sort of pluck that mistakes a de-
feat for victory, my advice is to take
him body and soul-snare him ut once,
for he is stray trout, a breed very |
scarce in our waters,
Take him, say, and build unto him
as hornets build on a tree.
THE WRONG NIPPLE.
They were telling varns ahOut U0od |