The Ottawa free trader., 1877-05-19
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

dulged In with great caution. Last week Charles
Francis Curtis, young man OF excellent repu
tation and fine appearance, was arraigned before
the Toombs Police Court on the charge O
stealing watch and chain. He admitted 'he
theft willingly, aud seemed anxious to be locked
up The magistrate was surprised and pressed
him to explain why he, apparently so exemplary
in his general conduct and In easy circum
stances, should have committed such paltry
crime. After some hesitation the poor man ad
mitted that he had recently been married 10
Brooklyn girl and was anxious to be away from
her.
A Marseilles green grocer having received
from the south a lot of cucnmbers, appends to
his advertisement of the fact tho following Wig
orous endorsements Of that excellent esculent
"Go west John and raise cucumbers. ."-Horace
Greeley.
Give me death or give me liberty to eat early
cucumbers."-Henry Clay.
"Boys tare up mile and half board walk 10
get onc."-Old Town Boys.
An agricultural paper before us occupies a
whole page with directions how TO raise chick
ems after they are hatched. Among other meth.
ods suggested one is to SOW beets and lettuce
for thsm to Craze upon. We have found 1t
good plan to prepare nice bed of ground and
plant in it all the neighborhood cats
ExCongressman Snapp, Of Joliet, was fined
S. al BraidwooG last week for contempt Of
court That took the snapp out of him.
Rev. Thomas Helliwell, a complimentary"
subscriber to the Millington Enterprise, orders
the paper stopped on the ground that the editor
said something that was 'untruthful." Great
heavings! clergyman dares to accuse an editor
Of lying!
Joliet, besides daily paper, has now weekly
paper for every day in the week, which, an Elgin
paper says, accounts for such rush of Joliet
people to the Elgin asylum; and Joliet paper
retorts that the paucity Of papers in Elgin
account for the rush of Elgn people to the Joliet
penitentiary.
The Mendoza Necs, describing an accident
where two ladies sitting in wagon seat that
tipped over backward were hurled to the
ground, says, "they made perfect revolution In
their descent, and one of them was severely
bruised about the shoulders and neck" If the
revolution was "perfect" we modestly suggest
that the bruises ought to have been somewhere
else than about the shoulder and neck"
The St. Louis Republican recently said to its
poetical contributors 1--WE must insist on brew
ity" Thereupon the publishers received the
following prize poem:
THE BALLAD OF THE MERCHANT.
Trust,
Rust.
FRANK FoY.
The New York Sun, in reference to the orato.
rcal effort OF President Hayes at the opening of
the baby centennial at Philadelphia last week,
says: "As an orator. Brother Hayes is in a Ger.
tain sense successful. He makes us respect the
more manly eloquencc OF his predecessor"
Female intuition and presence OF mind in diff
fcult straits are truly wonderful. The Des
MoiDes Register mentions case in point:
A young lady and young man get on the
steps Of Sunday evening and enter into con-
tract. For each shooting. star he Is to receive
kiss. Half an hour passed away and not soita-
ry star shot across the sky. But after awhile the
cherry lips of the young lady parted and she
called the young mans attention to flying mete-
then she got to calling his attention to the
lightning-b bugs, and finally got him down to
steady work on the light OF q lantern man WAS
carrying about the depot where the trains we're
switching. Artess girl.
Stanley the African explorer, has all kinds OF
adventures. In a recent letter he says:
Old Rambusier disputed our passage through
his kingdom. He demanded, as the price OF
passage through his territory, four thousand
casks OF wine and hundred white wives. | was
Obliged TO psrley with the old fellow, and after
six days OF incessent palaver reduced his dc.
mands to pint OF gin and WORKOUT razer.
The "foot and mouth disease" has appeared in
England Isn't this the disorder .llat aflicts
people who never open their mouth without
putting their foot in 1t:
Choice local eXcerpta from the patent yiscera
press with machine brains:
On Sunday last blue.raccr, about three
feet long, was killed by a fishing party at Bay
Iey's Fal's.-La Sale C,Sspool.
Some boys Of this place killed garter snake
9 feet long, in q field, the other day 1onica
Ne,ps.
Mrs, Hicks, from Newark has been visiting
Mrs. ID. l.. Couse, al Shabbong.--HW. EHtcrpriS6. |
Squire Doble looked out of the window OF
his Office yesterday and dsneezed.-PGrpa,O Times.
Aurora turns up its nose at Elgin and puts on
airs because an Elgin iorger of y recently sent
TO the penten,lary, WIS caught in the act, while
Aurora had boy OF l6 cute enough to pass his !
forged paper and spend the money before he
was caught.
The New York Commercial thus breaks forth |
in song
While Europe, breathless, stands aud waits, |
And war in every rumor Turks,
'Tis not too late for Sergeant Bates
To 90 and Join the Turks
The poem is capable OF enlargement
N,tFf 81 4
Alike resound with wars dread slogan
The Saniak-Sherif still invites
The aid Of our puissant Logan!
II is said that Eve was made for Adams TX. |
press Company but this is probably a figrnent |
Of some common carrier of SANDER Cincinnati |
Enquirer
The new style parasol has made its appearance,
and looks Ike q reticulated postage stamp. An
exchange tays a very good substitute can |
be made by sticking button mold on the end Of |
a toothpick.