The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1877-02-01
A Practical Temperance Lecture.

A Practical Temperance Lecture
A young man from Pecatonica went
to a Dearborn Street saloon last Satur-
day, having previously been instructed
by friend, and ordered a Thomas and
jeremiah, which, having received, he
bore away to seat. He tasted one
spoonful of the compound and was just
getting his eyes down and taking in his
tongue that in ecstacy he had passed
round his ears, when he was aware of a
fearful man with red nose and big
umbrella who was standing by him.
Heaving a deep sigh the fearful man
pointed to the drink and said, /" Young
man, are you aware what there is in
that mug?'' 81 believe there are rum,
hot water, sugar, eggs, and spice," re-
Piled the young man. "You have, my
young friend" said the sad man,
"omitted one Ingredient. "What is
that? Nutmeg?" "No DEATH"
said the lahcrymose stranger; there
is death, ruin, CHASTITY, fatal, deadly,
mortal death, and lingering disease be-
sides, in it." "How soP' said the
young man, apparently much moved by
the strangers earnestness. "Ny youth
full worm," said the stranger, 'sthere is
ruin in that Intoxicating bowl, which
biteth like serpent and stingeth like
an adder, and cursed is he which put
teth it to his neighbours lips. Selah.
All, young man, that rum is chemical
preparation having fusel oil as a basis
and three gallons of fusel oil placed on
the tongue of rabbit killed it in less
than year. There is hot water in it.
If [ had my achromatic polariz-
ing refractory microscope here
unhappily on coming out this
morning / left it on the
piano in the kitchen-I would show you
that every drop of this accursed fluid is
alive with myriads of wriggling and
loathsome insects and reptiles (here
the young man put down his mug), the
bacteria, and the sphacteria, and the
animalkewls, and the molekewls, and
the alabasteria, and the allamagoozla. :"
"But,' said the young man, "the wa
ter is billed. Doesn't billing the water
destroy them trichina?" "No," said
the stranger; "the process of boiling
(ebullition, as we call it in Greek, from
ebillish-a boil and shun-ing) precipi-
tates the aqueos particles of the water
into the atmosphere in the form of
steam and leaves the animalkewls.
There is less water and more reptiles
that is all" (The young man here stop
ped stirring his Tom and Jerry
"There is also,' said the melancholy
stranger, "sugar in that accursed po-
ton, granulated sugar. You are aware
of the processes employed in refining
sugar?" The young man said he
wasn't. "Then," said the stranger,
81 shall not dwell ON their horrors,
horrors so horrible beyond belief that
if | were to recount but 1.-THE of them
each particular hair would stand on
end like quilts upon the frightful croco-
dile.' (Here the Pecatonican. adele
scent turned pale.) Eggs" re-
sumed the stranger, "eggs, al
so. enter into the composition
of this devilish drink. Eggs SAYS
Solomon, 'are eggs, be they ever so
eggy, but, as you are aware, eggs are
not very fresh at this season of the
year, though by the use of chloride of
lime and other disinfectants their taste
can be concealed. There is also spice
in this--5his Tom and Jerry, for such,
l believe, is the name of this soluble
stroying potion. Spice is compare
lively harmless, being only composed
OF brick-dust, pulverized mummies, and
strychnine. Oblige me by stirring your
beverage, in which, indeed, you do not
appear engrossed. Perhaps there may
be mouse in it, "a mouse!'' said
the young man, starting up. ayes, a
mouse" replied the stranger. 81 came
in early this morning to leave some
tracts while the barkeeper was mixing
this accursed beverage, and while he
was beating the eggs and sugar in that
big bowl (Which l affectionately entreat
you to shun) a mouse that was in the
sugar-jar fell in. 1t of course died, for,
alas! we are all mortals; perhaps the
barkeeper noticed it and took it out.
Even if he didn't, the chances are
many hundred to one that it isn't in
your mug, and if it is, mice are healthy
and many people thrive on them.'
Here the young man got up, and, with
look of disgust, fled from the scene.
The old man watched him for mo-
ment, shook his head mournfully, and,
stirring up the Tom and Jerry, drank
it off with deep sigh of satisfaction.
Chicago Tribune.