The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-06-14
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.

cause II ours.
WHY is schoolmistress like the letter
G? Because she makes classes of lasses.
A TRUE American is too proud to beg
and too honest to steal. He gets trusted.
LANGUAGE is the amber in which
thousand precious thoughts have been
safely imbedded.
HAPPY is the deaf man, for he can
hear no evil of himself And the dumb
man too, for he can speak no evil of any
one.
Now that girls no longer wear bustles,
what is the poor tramp who strikes
picnic ground going to do for reading
matter?
ONE of the hardest working men in
Danbury earns his bread by the sweat of
other peoples brows. He makes sweat
leather for hats.
BLUE eyes, with a few tears in them,
sometimes cure a man of the habit of
staying out late nights-and then again
sometimes they don't.
"PM saddest when 1 sing" said
Sunday evening warbler. "So's the
whole neighborhood roared an I'M
musical voice in the street.
TINES in the country are getting no
better very fast. Farmers complain now
that the tramps even steal the coats and
hats off of the scarecrows.
SAID great Congregational preacher
To a hen, " You're beautiful creature I''
The hen, just for that,
Laid two eggs in his hat
Thus did the Hen-re-ward Beecher
WHAT an exquisitely delicate precept
is that of the Hindoo law which says:
"Strike not, even with blossom, a
wife, though she be guilty of hundred
faults"
AN attempt to introduce hippophagy
in the East has failed. The Arabs say
they can't endure horse for dinner,
though they don't mind little camel
for their desert.
NORWICH Bulletin: A Norwich man,
who lectured in an adjoining town last
week, came home and reported that he
had regular ovation. 1t seems they
threw eggs at him.
A NATURALIST claims to have discov-
cred that crows, when in focks, have
regularly organized courts, in which they
sit around and try ofenders-a sort of
crow bar, SO to speak.
1t has now come to light that Diogenes
hated a clean shirt, owed everybody who
would lend or trust, dressed miserably,
lived worse, and differed but little from
modern philosophers.
A MAN was watching balloon sailing
directly overhead, with his mouth open
to undue bigness, when it was suddenly
filed with sand. The tourist of the
heavens saw the open mouth, and threw
out ballast.
A YOUNG fellow who indulges in the
use of strong drink, says at night he feels
as if he owned all the property in the
world, and in the morning as if he owned
none, and was in arrears for his taxes on
what he owned the night before.
AMAN named Roach proposes to sail
from San Francisco around Cape Horn
to New York in three-ton boat, twenty
feet long. He wants a man and boy
to go with him, so that the chances of
there being survivor may be greater.
A CHANGE of Scene" So you are two
flights higher up now?' Invalid
Eyes. The doctor advised a change of
scene; couldn't afford to go abroad, so
1 came up here. Saw nothing but
clothes-lines below; chinneys are re-
lief"
THE DRUDGE.
From the way in which he was trained up
His feet departed not He toiled and mOiled,
Poor muckworm through his threescore years and
ten;
And when the earth shall now be shoveled on him,
If that which served him for soul were still
Within its husk, 'twould still be dirt to dirt.
BURLINGTON Hack Eye: :"What, asks
an exchange, "are the causes of drunk
enness? ?" Well, we can't answer for all
of them, but we believe whisky causes
great deal of it; whisky, sir, resolutely
stuck to, will cause about as large a
drunk as anything we known of; al
though judicious mixing up of various
drinks will accelerate matters if man is
in hurry.
A Gn.art Thing.
How many people are there who really