The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-06-02
TURNING THE TABLES,

One practical joke has lasted me
lifetime. When anyone invites me now
to what Martin called ga bit of execu-
tive pleasantly, say: No, excuse me;
l don't believe in pleasantly" The fact
is, some people have their fun distrib-
uted for them along the pathway of life.
l had mine showered on me all in one
day. Cleared the whole thing off, so to
speak, in one job, and have been solemn
ever since.
When | bought that box at Scarbor-
ough, and went into the idyllic thing,
with dogs and grapevines, and pruning
knives, believe there wasn't prettier
cottage in Westchester. 1t was such a
bowery and blossoming place, with its
big, inviting verandah, smothered in
honeysuckle and climbing roses, and its
cool lawn, that you may be sure / had
lots of good fellows coming up there
from the city in the season. They
sketched, boated, whipped the mountain
streams, and loafed on my yerandah in
the most princely fashion.
One day Martin and Scott stopped at
the gate and pretended to be tramps. l
believe they had walked all the way up
from the city, for they were covered with
dust. So set the dogs on them-Nip
and Tuck were both with me then-told
Angelina to scream for help, and then
took them in, identified them, and, plant
ing them in their right minds on the We
randall, accepted their apologies.
| believe they stayed two weeks.
can tell exactly by referring to the house
keepers book if you would like me TO be
correct. They poked about all over the
county, pretending to commune with ma
ture and make color studies, but in real
ity lying on their backs under the trees,
exposing themselves in the brooks, and
making me believe, every other day, that
they had been bitten by rattlesnakes.
You couldn't get mad at 'em. They
did pretty much as they pleased, and l
believe Angelina abetted them in half
their work. In one of their rambles they
discovered, about half a mile up the road,
a forsaken rookery, just upon the edge
of lane. 1t was an old tumble-down
frame house, that had been deserted by
poor family. The windows were
boarded up. The door was off its
hinges. There was green mud-puddle
by its side. Inside, dirt and desolation
had fought themselves out, and gone into
an indissoluble alliance. l don't think
there was meaner, wretcheder, nastier
shanty on the Hudson. Tue only grace
it had was lent by sycamore that ten
derly hid the most of it from the few
passers-by.
What do you think my two gailliardes
proposed? 1t wasn't enough that they
should praise the beauty of the old house,
and make sketches of its rat.holes and
broken-down chimney, but they carried
me and Angelina off to enjoy their dis
covery. That mad Martin stood there in
the road with his head cooked on one
side, in rapt admiration, and vowed
it was the most picturesque pile he'd ever
seen. Then they made me sit down on
what had been a portion of a pig pen,
and they divulged to me one of the
blacklist, cold-blooded schemes that ever
entered the heart of malign monster.
Let's hire the place." says Scott,
ID" and invite White Tyson and Brown
Glover p to see US"
We all looked at each other in silence
moment, as the rich perfdy of the
scheme flashed through our minds.
If you know Ty.-we always called
him White Ty. in our familiar moments
you must be aware that he is the most
punctiious snob out of Piccadilly. He
is the fellow who had three sets of false
teeth, walking, an office and a full
dress set, and who really never counte-
nanced fellow who violated the for
malities of artificial life. Fancy the
luxury of asking Ty. to this place-Ty.,
who said things behind his back, after