Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-02-02
SENATOR MOFFEITrS BELL
PINCH.

FRIDAY MORNING. FEB. 2, 1877.
SENATOR MOFFEIIrS BELL
PUNCH.
The alarming news comes to us through
the Richmond papers that the invention by
the distinguished member of the Inquisi-
lion. whose name heads this article, is RAJ
pidly approaching perfection, and that
it will shortly be exhibited to an appalled,
public. It is simple and Internal in it's
construction, and proclaims, by means of
a bell attached to the bar keepers drawer.
the moment that any free citizen of the
Republic approaches the counter and res
gales himself with a snifter. Whether it
is constitutional or not, or whether it will
in the end be submitted to a Grand High
Commission, including a few judges of the
Court of Appeals, or whether it will end in
a great civil war. are matters yet in the
womb of the future, and while the matter
is thus hanging suspended we wish to en-
ter some comments, fraught with the wis
dom of apprehension, mark you, an edi-
tor is always a genius, and all people of
genius are cratic, and all cratic people
drink.-A syllogism well put and impreg-
nable!
Our first objection is to the u%nconsti-
tutional invasion of the privacy guaran-
Iced by the bill Of rights. For the quiet
citizen who has spent hours in sudden
darts around corners, and app%rehensive
watchings in order to secure a furtive ad-
mixture of the elixir of life, to have his
feelings narrowed by the horrid alarum Of
a bell, proclaiming to the world that he
has that moment succeeded in depositing
within the sacred precincts Of his
waistcoat, q stay and a comforter is
shocking. To a sensitive hearing, sharp
ened by an unquiet conscience, the
horrid clangor of the bell may be tear
ed to have reached the ear of the par
tner lin all things save tods) Of his
bosom, and his heated imagination pictures
the most direful scenes lat the house," as
the penalty of his mild conyiviality. With
trembling fingers he fumbles for the ten
cents, which is the righteous due of the
bell ringer, with a penny added, which is
righteously due to the peace and dignity OF
the Commonwealth, and leaves the saloon,
uneasy, unhappy and unrefreshed. He
will not return to the charge shortly, but
will keep his private bottle, where there is
no bell to announce his weakness, and so
successfully secreted that the moth cannot
corrupt nor the wicked break through
and steal. The bell punch will break
up the saloon business.
Another objection Is the levellipg and
unjust operations Of the bill! Can the
originator be serious in taxing all alike
the imbiber of the airy champagne cock
tail; the noble dark brandy pawnee; the
genial sherry cobbler; the healtlful gin
toddy; the consoling whiskey plain, or the
nc. we cannot put the celestial mint jus
lep, which originated with the gods. in a
list of other pc ations. Can he. we Say,
be in earnest when he attempts to put
these noblest works Of man upon a level
with the humble glass Of lager. which the
feeLlest constitution may indulge i'll fol
years before it shall behold the visions OF
the beautiful land Of Dellrium Tremens!
There should be some consistency in this
bill, The nice young man who suddenly
disappears from the german, and pops up,
white cravat and all, at the bar OF the
n%eighboring saloon, and takes a cham.
payne cocktail, should be made to pay more
to the Commonwealth as exemplary pul.>
ishment for having deceived the innocent
girl, who is SO sorry, and waiting for him
to come in from the cool air, whittier Ii
"wretched headache" has called him. A tax
of one cent is inadequate for the peridy Oh
those young persons who hang around
church doors at nights chewing coffee.
waiting to ''pick up' some girl to walk
home W 18th. Without these, and like adjust.
ments, the bill cennot be a great moral
lever to prize society into a better exist
ence.
And, finally, we oppose the bill as a dis
turber Of the peace OF the domestic t1reside
and peace generally. 1t will be impossible
that old Mr.. JONES every time a visitor
strikes the door bell, shall run his hand
nervously into his pocket and pull out the
change for a toddy without exciting the
suspicion of his family. 1t will excite re-
mark in our Sabbath Schools, when the su
p~erintendent strikes the bell, to see seven
OF eight Of the young mems bible class
shove their hands into their vest pockets
and tumble for ten cents. 1t will be re-
garded as profane when a man drops ten
cents into the contribution plate, to alb
sently remark to his neighbor thai the dea
con has forgotten to strike the bell. 1t will
demoralize the hotel b%oarders, who, now
in the habit of rushing into the dining
room at the first tap of the ball, will then
simultaneously thrust their hands into
their pockets. Many of our merchants who
now use the bell alarms on their tills, will
be ruined by such remarks of passers-by,
as "There! old Smiths sold another drink
without license"
AS a financial experiment we think it is
the first step towards bankrupting the i'm
bibers of spirits, who, are said, to be the
golden geese, who can pay the debt of
the state. 1t is with the greatest effort
gers of invigorator alone. but if the ''dread
full bell'' is intended to summon forth from
the back room sstroops Of friends there is
nothing left for it but to treat the crowd,
and &C into bankruptcy.
Altogether, when you call the roll and
get to the VS.. put down the VINDICAToR
as voting naye.
W. B. Nash, a negro member of the
South Carolina senate, who when the war
closed was a hotel porter and boot>black,
and IT. is said has smada'' SIS. 600. SWOre be-