Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-08-30
No.
SALAD FOR THE SOLITARY.

A cynic describes marriage as an altar on
which man lays his wallet and woman her
affections.
"Gracious mel" exclaimed a lady in
witness-box. chow should l know anything
about anything don't know anything about?'
An old darkey fishing on wharf at Gal
weston was heard talking to the fish he saw
swimming around his line in this fashion:
''Give me bite, honey; de children am
erwin down to my house, and l tell you it's
fish or nothing in dat establishment"
''SoAK' is the only Japanese equivalent of
"baptze,' and the japanese Bible conse-
Quently reads, according to religious paper,
the Alliance: I'm those days came John, the
soaker, preaching the soaking of repentance.
Repent and be soaked, every one OF you.'
A Cambridge (England) theologue, when
he told the story of the Good Samaritan, al
ter reciting the benevolent mans promise to
the host. "And when l come again l Will
repay thee," wound up with: ''This he said
knowing he should see his face no more"
Tyndall can deny spontaneous generation
as strongly as he likes, but when Rome
woman finds seventeen flies in plate OF but
ter which she has kept under wire screen
and locked in refrigerator, she wants higher
authority than Tyndall's to pin an opinion to.
A broad hint.-English Traveller Ito Irish
Railway Porter labelling ]rggage)--''Don,t,
YOU keep brush for that work, Porter!'
Porter-.'Shure, your Honor, our tongues is
the only instrument we're allowed. But
they're aisy KEEP wet, your Honor" Hint
taken. ]EP~nch.
JUDGE SAMUEL A. FooT, of Geneva, who
has been subscriber of the North american
Recieso for more than fifty years, has written
letter to its publishers expressing his regret
at its publication of Judge Blacks article en-
titled ''Tbe Electoral Conspiracy" and BIS
disapproval of the use of its pages for 1.-THE
lowest type of political partisanship.'
''Boy," said gentleman to the hcstler of a
hotel on alighting from his phaeton, ''extri-
cate that Quadruped from the vehicle, stabu-
late him, donate him an adequate supply OF
| nutritious aliment. and when the aurora of
morning shall again illuminate the oriental
horizon l will award thee pecuniary com
pensation for thine amiable hospitality" The
boy ran into the house and told his master that
| Dutchman wanted to see him.
'tDoctor," said an old lady to her family
physician, 'kin ye tell me how it is that some
folks is born dumb ?" "Why, hem certainly
| madam" replied the doctor; lit is owing to
! the fact that they come into the world with
out the power of speech" ''La, me J" re-
marked the old lady; ''now jess see what it
is to have physical education" I've axed
nv old man more nor a hundred times that
same thing, and all that could ever get out
of him vas jest this, 'Kase they is"
DIR. Savers is the clergyman in charge OF
the spiritual interests OF the soldiers in Fort
St. George, Madras and he likes to tel! his
lads" occasionally piece of his mind in the
/ I.1o -. nnlnIt No hp closed
up recent sermon with the following: my
brethren, this is charity sermon I'm preach
| ing. want rupees-mind you-l want ru-
pees, and not dirty pieces of paper in the bag,
having written on them, 'Sayers, old cock.
how are you?' won't have it, mind you, l
won't. I've stood it long enough.
! A MOTHER lN-LAw living at Davenport,
Iowa, writes ''Now, | am prosecuted
mother-in-law. My house was little para
disc until my daughter-in-law Was brought
home. = There is one advise l would
like to give to young men. Don't marry un:
! til YOU have home of your own to take
wife to. Don't give your poor mother, who
has nursed you in your infancy-idol'zed you
ANY cause for trouble; let her 90 to her
grave in peace. How many families there
are whose homes were little Eden TIL
daughter-in-law was taken into the family.
ONE of the latest Yankee iueas is Turkish
bath on wheels. 1t is a car that can run Oe-
hind the sleeping -coaches ct all express tram.
It has drawing-room, Russian and plunge
bath, shamp0oning rooms, aud all other &C.
commodatiOns of u Turkish bath-house. lhe
| temperature of the rooms varies from ~ deg.
to 100 deg. and the compartments are lighted
from the roof with blue glass Travellers can
bathe as we'll as eat, drink aud sleep on the
/ kxAo itnh hAG I,ff IN 81
side track in any town or village and remain
! a fav or two for the accommodation OF the
residents.
In HIS recently published ''Biographic"l
Sketch of o Child, MIR. Darwin notes 'be
fact that whereas all babies are pleased 10 see
their faces in a mirror, the higher apes are
highly incensed when they beh' Id their nat
ural face in q glass The fact is also re-
marked that whereas children soon learn that
it is but an image which they see there. the
highest apes think it to be IL real object ana
grasp around behind the mirror to clutch 1t.
Here seems to be somethingOn which to base
a theory. if one only had the patience to con-
struct it; the facts are certainly interesting
enough.
THE Sir Jamestjee Jejeebhoy, Parsec
baronet. of Mazagon Castle, near Bombay,
died recently. He was the eldest son of the
eminent philanthropist, the first baronet. ny
his wife Awabee Framjee, daughter of
Framiee Pestonjee. and was born in 1911.
He was twice married. firstly to Deenbaee,
daughter of Dinsbaw Cooverjee. and secondly
to Ruttonbaee Curse,jee. He is succeeded in
the title by his eldest son. Man"ckiee Cur
setjee, who was born in 1851. The first
baronet, whose statue graces the Town Hall
of Bombay. expended e25o. 1000 sterling in
the foundation, endowment and snpport, OF