Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-10-15


lady who insists on carrying the most of
her dress in her hands, has got to keep
her shoes buttoned up or people will
think she left home in hurry.
Johnny lost his knife. After search
ing in one pocket and another until he
had been through all. without success,
he exclaimed: "Oh dear wish l had
another pocket; it might be in that"
A woman quarreling with her husband,
told him she believed if she was to die
he would marry the devils eldest daugh-
ter. THE law does not allow a man to
marry two sisters" replied the husband.
The telephone will not be of much
account until it is perfected to such
degree that church tenor can sit over
his beer in a saloon and telephone his
part of the singing to the church choir
in another part of the town.-NesOark
Call
al never did see such a wind and such
STORM" said man in coffee room.
"And pray, sir" inquired a would-be
wit, "since you saw the wind and the
storm, what might their color be 2"
"The wind blew and the storm rose"
was the steady rejOinder.
doctor, my daughter seems to be
going blind, and she's just getting ready
for her wedding, too Oh, dear me,
what is to be done ?" "Let her 90 right
ON with the wedding, madam, by all
means. If anything can open her eyes
marriage will"
Old lady at the procession-"Now
which be the President?" Daughter
"The man with no hat on" "Hal fine
man fine man But where's his Cabi-
net?" "Why. in them coaches behind /;
don't you see?" la, no don't see
nothing like a cabinet. l see men, but
no chest O. drawers, nor uothin' l'' That
is the same old lady that couldn't find
the Freedmen's Bureau.
The Danbatyy NeaOs reports disgrace
full fight in that usually peaceful hamlet.
"The combatants," it says in conclusion.
''were seized by friends, dragged apart
and lifted out of the dust Flushed,
bleeding, bruised, they stood and glared
at each other with malignant hate.
What a pitiful sightl Two friends at
enmity, one eye blacked, two hearts as
sunder, two coats torn, two lives forever
embittered, and three teeth missing" I"
When the Presidential party was in
the White Mountains they struck q
Methodist camp meeting, and immedi-
ately began to discuss the question Of
who should speak and what he should
say. Naturally enough they called in
our ascetic friend Col. George w. Hook
er, of Brattleboro, who was with the
{ party, and whose piety is somewhat ap.
palling. To question of Secretary
Evarts, as to what denomination he was
connected with, Col. Hooker replied
'COnstitutionally am a Congregation
alist, but l pay my money to the Uni
versalists." "Ah," said Mr.. Evarts
"that will never do; you shouldn't pay
a premium where there are no losses. -
Burlington Free Press.
"Do you believe in predestination 2
inquired Mississippi steamboat captain
of clergyman who happened to b
travelling with him. "Of course do,
was the reply. "Then you believe tha
whatever is to be, will be?" Certain
ly I" "well, I'm glad of it." why :?
Because I'm going to pass that boa
ahead in just fifteen consecutive minutes
if there is any virtue in pine knots an
safety-valves. So don't be alarmed;
the boilers are not going to bust, the
won't, that's ALL" Upon this the divin
began to put on his hat. and looked
if he was going to back out, which II
captain observing, remarked: Il though
a you believed in predestinatiOn z" $50
B do, but prefer being little nearer tt
aforn whan II takes place."