The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1877-06-20
Mr.. Baringer Weighs Himself.

the day. lie had worked If a couple
Of bilious-looking new tifty cent pieces.
that his clerk had taken in. on guile
charged them UP 70 The clerk for 'akln;
them IN His lawyer bad eDllected =
bill Of man Mr. I T,'inger thought was
dead. TIA. Assessor had III .de = mistake
AMI oniy assessed his property a, less
than oue-.hird liz actual value AMI Mr..
Bsringer was pretty confident he could
~. out Of paying the tax altogether,
on the .round Of erroneous assessment,
4 I'D then finally policeman had shot
his neigh bor's dog Everything con-
spired to make Mr. Baringer feel happy
as the heart Of sprirg He wbistird
all the way home. aud be troile,i mer
~ rondel.y IN a deep rich wheelhar-
ro~-sone a. he skipped up the stairs. he
smiled as he entered the hall, and there
the sony died away, and the smile went
out Of the silent gates Of the Was, down
into the echoless aisIes Of the silent
Had Been. out on the shoreless sea OF
the distant Amt c,Inin back again"
and Mr.. Bsringsr stood tiansiixed.
Well" he growled. after moment
of silen, reflection and contemplation,
eyeing the obj ct that had So suddenly
changed his happy mood. what next,
wonder? A. if there weren't enough
Legitimate uses for money to make il 90
faster than any one man can earn 1t,
somebody must 20 and buy scales with
it. What under the sun, what in the
y Il
We wnnt with grocery scales here? |
believe IN my soul. that woman wodld
buy complete set OF Fair rbAnk's hay
scale, if sou,e peddler would come
along and ofer 1t to her"
He dashed hi. hat viciously on the
batrack and climbed moodiiy on the
scales TO weigh himself
Fancy old scales. too" he said.
"carpe.ed platform and nickel plated
dial indicator. wonder if I've gained
any since last fall
But "a. he stepped his full weight up
on the platform, he was surprised to
observe 40 change in the dial The in
licator pointed st nothing" a. reso-
luteiy rs though il meant it.
Hun =" exclaimed Mr. BariDger, ia
some am.zement. And he bounced
himself lightly on the platform and
watched the Indicator with some ap-
pearancc of interest.
But it never took the slightest notice
Of him.
Then M Baringer became excited.
He jumped up and down Oh the plat
form and su-ged himself do su like u
tidal wave; bat the Indicator never
smiled. aud obstinateIy indicated the
nothing point at every effort. Then
Bariuger got frightened and n little
mad
by thunder" he exclaimcd, II know
better than that. know weigh a
pound. anyhow Here" he shouted.
uervously, I'll see what You mean by
this"
Aud lie ran on. aud brought in an
armtul of brick, aud piled them on the
platform. and sea.ed himsel: on them.
but the Indicator rem aimed as steady As
though it had been merely painted on
the dial plate. Then he went out again,
with his eyes staring al each other
across :hc top of his nose. and came
and the lawn mower. and piled them
on. and climbed up and sat down OF
them. like Marius among the ruins. aud
glsred at the indicator with a dreadful
expression Of ,ountenauce, aud the in
dicator only seemed 10 settle = little
more firtnly in its place, ani that was
all Then he sailed forth again. and
came in with his hair standing on end,
and brought box OF sand "A coal scut-
tic. pair Of dun bbells. col of lead
pipe, and piece of curhstone. and
piled them on. and climbed To the sum
init of the heap. and looked The plat
form groaned little under the tre-
mendon. weight, ami the indicator
hfaccd itself up. and indicated that it
wasn't going 20 bulge utder any such
inducements
Then Mr. B,ringer got mad He
cried and climbed dows to the floor and
began 10 bombard the thing with the
various articles be had piled on il, and
be yelled and howled st it until the
racket brought the servants and tie
children and Mrs, Bsringer into the
hall
Erasmus Baripser - shrieked his
w,fv, What are you doing Wha. Is
the matter with you
Matter" he yelled. trying TO throw
the lawn-mower az the dial Doing,
( Sn,atter with me ? Ruined Ruined
hy a woman tha, will buy anything a
peidler can bring her Scales that
won't weigh nothing Scales that
~oultn't show an ounce il you piled
mountains on en- Scales A blamed
ola lying faced fraud An old piece
of iron iha, would lee rejected at a
bankrup, junk-shop Scales \ vile.
miserable, fraudulent -
Mrs Baringer was down IN corner
If rhe hall, holding on TO the carpet
with both hands. screaming with
laughter. and on the verge of cousul
>ians
oh. help, help help" she shrek
ed. oh. I'm going 10 die. know
sin Oh. ha hs. ha ho ho be he,
be. be Oh dear. oh 4 ar. wha; fool
wan j. oh. mercy. mercy Sea
Ia. ha. la les. lie, he, Ae. he
Scales, Oh. help. help. help. help
Scales oh. Efa>mas Baringcr
scales ol., lm a dying ~nman
Can't yon stop me. some body T Scales
Oh. you donkey Its my new-health
h,, - 6aF',acssa Hsark kyt.
AZ American in Dresden and one ot
the yos,ue lseaseusnts in the army re
Gently hal an alteration and meeting