Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-01-03
FUNNYGRAPHS.

FUNNYGRAPHS.
The iron horse has but one ear-ths
engineer.
| A NAUGHTY boy is like the letted I'd, -
because he makes ma" mad.
A GOOD many faces are pressed
against the window panes these days,
while sweet voices muir -nuringly COM
plain: "Such nice sleighing-so many
people gliding around, aud no one
comes for me. Or, in other words, I'm
left"
A LATE judge observed that the Irish
witnesses could never be trusted. "But,
my lord" said one of the counsel,
''your lordship's father was Irish
Yes, was the answer, 81 meant that
they had q picturesque roundabout
way of putting things. They are all
very eloquent"
The enraged father in an English
elopement case recently outwitted the
"gay Lothario" by promptly taking
measures to make his daughter a ward
in chancery and then arrested the
young man for contempt of court.
And it was all done before they were
married.
MASTER" Wish to got What for,
pray?' Stud Groom" Well, sir,
you've been and bought two new losses
without my opinion, and from party
as has behaved very bad to me-" Mas
ter suppose you mean you haven't
made as much IS usual by the deal'
You can 60.
| Mr.. CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER says
when he went buying ancient coins of
the Greeks in Greece, be "looked in the
face of handsome graybeard, who
asked me 1900 francs for silver coin,
which he said WAS solon, to see if
there was any guile in his eye; but
there was not. cannot but hope that
this race, which has learned to look
honest, will soon become So"
A CERTAIN Washington gentleman,
who was blessed with an addition to
his family, concluded to advertise for
wet nurse, and cause the following no
tice to be inserted in one of the daily
papers: Wanted, wet nurse to take
charge of infant To any one who can
come well. recommended, permanent
employment will be guaranteed. APP
ply, etc."
The other night South Hill man
went home very late, and let himself in
with his latch-key (kitchen window,
and crept upstairs and disrobed, and
was sneaking into bed without disturb
ing his wife, who he knew must be
tired, poor thing. And he stuck his
legs under the blanket, and laid his foot
up against g. red-hot brick, and he
walled and sprung out Of bed and tried
TO climb out of the window, and his
wife had the hardest work to assure
him that he wasn't a victim to the
Brooklyn Observation-Disclosures.
IT was at a school not thousand
miles from Newburg. The teacher had
been giving out words which the schol-
ars were to incorporate into sentences.
He gave to one young miss the word
"obligatory." He explained that OBJ
ligatory meant binding. The. young
lady laid her head down upon her hand
and seemed puzzled. But in moment
or two her eye rested upon her we'll
worn spelling-book, and her features
frightened as a happy thought seemed
to strike her. The next instant the
teacher read the sentence: "The OBJ
ligatory of my spelling-book is worn
out" He Misunderstanding Journal.
The little daughter of a wealthy New
Yorker happened not long ago to hear
her small schoolmates congratulating
themselves and one another upon the
regularity with which their fathers
said grace at the table. Her father did
not say grace, and, oppressed by a
sense of inferiority the little one wept
that evening and besought him to do
it. He said he thought it was time he
began, and asked a blessing with a
proper feeling at breakfast next morn
ing. A younger sister Of his little
homilist, d young lady still in the nur-
sery, who had not heard the previous
conversation, looked up surprised; then
her face cleared. 81 know what you
does at for, papa" she said, otis
'tause you'se gettin' poor
AN uncultured married man out on
Pond street took little dose of lauda-
mum Sunday night to help him more
naturally to counterfeit sleep when the
wife of his bosom should urge him to
get up and wrestle with the kitchen
ire Monday morning. He thinks it
must have worked to a charm, because
when he woke up at q quarter past IL
o'clock A. NJ, the doctor was working
like mad a stomach pump, with fine
pressure on, the house was full of
strange women, looking into bureau
drawers, and trying on thi4gs in the
closets. The doctor went away after
cautioning his patient to lie slill, but
the man happening to see his wife
come painting and sobbing in at the
froot door, and with his life insurance
money gripped firmly in her hand,
realized that there would be trouble In
that parish when later developments
were made, and immediately jumped
out of g. second-story window and slid
down town.-New York C0n.aseTc'a1 i'd