The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1877-11-03
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

AN eA press Train Is faster IMAM Il gay
laborer, but it can't stop as sddden,-
Oil City Call
"COAL-OL, rubbed on the head and
neck, will cure hog cholera" Paste this
in your hat.
A YANKEE editor wishes no bodily
harm to his subscribers; but he hopes
that some of them in arrears will be
seized with remittent fever.
IT has been discovered that the higher
up you 60 the further you can see down
into body of water. Victims of the
last steamboat explosion will please write
of their observations.
HAVE you ever met the school-teacher
whom you threatened, when boy, to
lick as soon as you got big enough? If
you have, ten to one you didn't think
you were big enough yet.-San Francisco
Nal.
RUSSIA has one hundred and thirty
nine holidays in every year, and the
Russian who doesn't get drunk on these
days is supposed to be in sympathy with
the Turks.
A CORRESPONDENT writing to ayacht-
ing newspaper, asks what is the best
thing to do when yacht is becalmed?
We should say, tell profound secret to
your friends on board; it is sure to get
wind.-Fun.
! TAKE care of the cents, and the dol
! lars will take care of themselves, provid-
ed you can get them. Never neglect to
pick up dollar in preference to cent.
| Don't pick up either if you can't find it.
PRIVATE d. P. SPEAR, OF Penn Yam,
Il
clothes at target rifle shoot. He mast
be a clothes shot.-E1mira AdcertiSer.
Yes and doubtless man of Spear-ior
address.
CHE recent financial depression " has
induced one student, at least, to econo-
omize, as the following remark shows:
90 / say, chum, that pail of water lasts
we'll | brought it last Saturday and to-
day is Friday" -Amherst STUDENT.
New YORK city has a base ball club
composed of mutes This is gratifying,
if for no other reason than the fact that
when a man makes strike all the rest
can't yell at him and tell him what to do.
Fulton Times.
AN unappreciative Photographer says
that when he sees a woman neither fat
nor fair, but forty, with red cardinal
plume on her hat, it suggests to him
life-and. death struggle between nature
and art, with art on top!
The problem of buying a ten dollar
Christmas present with seventy-five
cents available cash will present itself
for the elucidation of the brave Young
n-who-goes-to -see his girl. - Neuaxk
! Call.
THE Burlington Hawkeye asks: What
is the singular of mumps?" Well, all
we can say is, that the most singular
thing about mumps is the swell. In fact,
we never saw a first-class mump unac-
companied by swell.
FROM high moral standpoint. it is
certainly wrong to desire the death of
any living creature, but we feel some
times as though we would willingly put
in overtime writing an obituary for the
last mosquito. He is an unusually hardy
bird this season.
SLAVEY-" Misses ses the milk more
than 'arf water, an she'll have to deal
sumwares else, if faint no better"
Milkman-" Well, my dear, you must
tell your missis that Pm very sorry, but
them cows of mine will eat damp grass,
and | can't prevent EN- this weather"
Two men met one day on the piazza
of hotel at Noath Platte, Neb., when
one claimed that Nebraska was all a
good country, or should be" all it
lacks" said he lis good society and wa
teri "My good Lord!" said the other,
% that is all hell lacks
BARNUM is said to have remarked, A.
he looked at California artists painting
of a COW: Good gracious, do YOU
mean to tell me that's from life? IF
there is really such a strange beast in
existence, I'll have it for my show, if it
costs $4,000.
A SNOWMAN travelling with panorama
of scenes from the Bible met a Yankee
and on learning that he could play the
piano engaged him to play appropriate
selections after each picture at his show
that night. The curtain rose, revealing
" The Return of the Prodigal Son." upon
which the player struck up "When
Johnny Comes Marching Home!" The
effect produced was wonderful Coon
slider yourself engaged to travel with
me-" said the Snowman. You draw
better than the pictures"
A WHILE ago, it will be remembered
the long named society offered prize of
five dollars to that scholar in the public
schools who should write the best ESSAY
against cruelty to animals. In one
school an earnest competitor for that
tempting amount labored hard and
earnestly for an hour, struggling to OBJ
serve the three C's (clear, concise and
comprehensive and win the money.
This was his essay: Horses should not
be struck more than three times after
each other Men should not kick them
in the stomach, because it is wicked"
AT ten o'clock yesterday forenoon a
man who looked as if he would dare to
do right if he had half a chance, entered
an oyster house on Michigan avenue and
courteously inquired: "Do you have
oysters here on the one-half SHELF"
Yes, sir, we do,' was the answer.
" Which half of the she'll is the oyster
on?" was the next inquiry. The oyster
man regarded the stranger keenly, and
after minute replied that they were ON
the left half of the shell. Alum
too bad" muttered the man, 81 wanted
them on the right half Good day, sir.
| can't go left-handed oysters nohow."--
Detroit Free Press.