Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-02-01
SENSE AND NONSENSE,

"may- be.'
BE sincere, not ceremonious with guests.
IN. 7. Commercial AdUertiSer
| THE Eastern railroads are testing their
! iron bridges. So is Jack Frost.
| The way to avoid suffering fren corns
is to have bay windows on your boots.
MANY a young man who considers
himself an Apollo is only an Apology for
a man. .e.
CALIFORNIA raises wool enough to cov-
er the backs of all men. as far East as
Chicago.
A SCHOLAR just learning Latin etymo1o-
g!es said that equinox was the Latin for
7iBbJjsnqare. BbJjsnqaa
every day for u.10O.O 900 stalks of celery
! nervousness. sis it curing
| A GOOD action is never thrown away,
and that is why so few of them is seen
| lying around loose.
WHAT would you do madam. if you
were a gentleman ?'' 90 Sir, what would
| you do if you were one ?" ....-.
| The Los Angeles Herald says that
| Southern California needs farmers and
money, and not helpless clerks.
IF man will tell to you the faults of
others, you may be sure he will tell to
others the faults he finds in you.
A CoRoNER's jury, in the case of man
| who was killed by falling icicle, render
ed the verdict that he died of hard
| drink" -...
In Rhode Island, the other day, man
| tried to put two stamps on letter; but
there was room enough in the State for
only one.
| WHEN man wishes he were a child
again, ask him if he doesn't forget that it
used sometimes to take four hours steady
churning for the butter to come.
SAID man in street car: Don't for
| get the baby; give my love to him. Said
the other man, evidently a Londoner
" E amt i'm; 'e's 'er."
A MINISTER once said to a child, "Why
| do you say our Father in Heaven? Isn't
! God everywhere ~ The child answered,
eyes, he is everywhere; but perhaps
heaven is his headquarters
PLEASE to remember that no man can
have quarrel with you unless you strike
back. 1t is always the second blow, or
the blow that you yourself give, which
really organizes the disturbance.
81 CAN'T pass you tonight" said the
| doorkeeper of a concert-roOm to an invet-
! crate dead-head. Well, L don't want
you to pass me,'' said the dead-head.
6 You just stay where you. are, and I'll
| pass Youp'
"JAMIE, why do you not be after the
getting the life of you insured ?" AN
why should I, my honey?" "Ah, indade,
that after you arc dead and gone, you may
be sure of comfortable subsistence for
yourself and family"
THE Washington Nation permits its
correspondents to make the most blood
curdling Jokes One of them, observing
that three distinguished weddings occurred
on the middle day of the week, triflingly
| dubs it Weddings-day.
Few men have a strictly mathematical
mind, but we never knew one who couldn't
calculate within a sixteenth of an inch
where his neighbor's property began when
he was shoveling snow off his own side
walk.-N0r9oich Bulletin.
{" Is IT not time that you paid me that
five dollars ?' said farmer to his neigh
Dor. "'Taint DUE" was the reply.
"But," said the farmer, "you promised
to pay when you got back from New
York" Well, I amt been," was the
reply.
A WASHINGTON lady got angry at a
young naval officer because he reminded
her that he had once participated with her
| in a dance in which there was a kissing
| forfeit A woman does not get half so
angry when she is kissed as when she is
told of it.
SOME one has recalled that, in 1903,
| there was a survey made for a ship canal
to connect Boston Harbor with Narragan-
sett Bay by the way of Dorchester Bay,
Weymouth, Fort River and Taunton
River, the distance between the deep wa
ters of the two rivers being twenty-six
| miles.
A MAN in Vermont, by the name of
"Trolup," built q stone vault for the
! burial of his own mortal remains, and on
a n-arble slab, to cover the same, had this
| inscription:
Here lies old Trolup, who caused these stones to
And when God calls his soul up, his body wi Il all
| this hole up.
| REMARKS the mystifed Norristown
| Pa.) Herald: g A wonderful evolutionary
| freak has just come under our notice. A
year ago one of the illustrated papers pict-
| ured the New Year coming in as comely
and tripping maid. This year the same
! paper represents the same year going out
as a gray haired, tottering old man. Will
Prof. Huxley explain?''
WHY is it that at eleven o'clock p. m. a
man will go to the cupboard and collar a
| piece of chicken or a fragment of steak
that he shifted at in lofty disdain and
wouldn't touch at the table, and will gnaw
and pick and snore over it, until every
bone is as white and glistening as an ivory
| sleeve button? We can't tell, unless it is
an Indication of the same perversity that
| leads him, when the bore is finished, to
stand before the towel rack and wipe his
greasy fingers on his coat-tails.-Hauk-
| Eye.
IT was sad case They loved each
other fondly, but John was poor and
couldn't think of marrying until he could
| support her, but Maria laughed at bis ex-
| cuse, and said she didn't care how poor he
was, she was sure they would both be hap
| pier than to live single any longer
Come" said she, "let us be married,
and | will live on bread and water, and
will do my share toward earning our sup
port" Every WELL" John replied, /" if
| you really feel like that, l am willing we
will set up housekeeping at once. And if
you will furnish the bread 1 will skirmisb
around and see what can do about the
water"
| Ruryiup Dop in Mistake for a HUs.