Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-06-01
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lupitooeu Will d PdAl VI PdutS udHSlug III
front Of cheap clothing store. Theprice
was low, the goods seemed all right and
he made up his mind to purchase.
81 gif you de word of Andrew Shackson
dot does pants are shust like iron," said
the dealer. 81 warrants dem efery dime. :"
After three o. four days wear the pur-
chaser found the bottom of the pants
crawling towards lis knees. It was bad
case of shrinkage, and he got mad and
went back to the store and said:
''You swindled me On these pants. See
how they shrunk!''
The dealer looked bin all ever, felt of
his head, pulled on the pants and finally
said:
81 shall give you one thousand dollars a
month if you will travel with me.''
'How-what ~
''You are shust growing right up at the
rate OF two inches day, and 1 takes you
aroundt the country on exhibition. Dose
pants are shust as long as efer, but you
have grown oudt off dem.''
81 don't believe lt!' shouted the man,s'I
am forty years old and quit growing long
ago!''
81 gif you de word of Andrew Shackson
dot you vas growing"
II don't care whose word you give!
say these pants have shrunk nearly a foot"
HAS de top of dose pants shrunk down
any2" softly asked the dealer.
"Why, no."
'Shouldn It de Wristbands shrink down
shust as queek as dose bottoms. should
shrink like de odder eh =? When I sold you
dot elegant pair of pants for three dollar l
don't suppose you vas growing so fast or l
SHALL hat put zem straps On de buttons.''
"Well [ don't like this way of doing
business" said the purchaser.
''Shust like me. If | sells such elegant
pants as dose to man, an he grows out of
dem, it damages my trade. You hat dam
aged my trade five hoonerd dollars, but l
hat low rent, pays cash for mein goods
ard CAN make you dis fifty cent tie for fif-
teen cents.
The man walked out to the curbstone
AID turning around shook his fist and said:
You are are liar, and cheat, and I'll
dare you out !.ere -
such dings sink into my heart, sighed
tbs dealer as he took down bis pipe. l
d;nks sell out peesness and peddles some
vases around. Den when 1 sells to some
poly it makes no difference how much dey
giow.-Detrou Free Press
THE ORIENTAL BUSINEss.-A good cit
izsn Of Croghan street was reading tic
other day OF good Persian gentlemai,,
VINO always walked about with Il su lie o..
his face. When this Persian was asked
WY lie looked SO happy wien other men
looked sad, he replied:
L smile because it may be sunshine to
some poor soul surrounded by shadows
1t was very nice in the Pers an, and the
CIoghan street man said he'd he hanged if
he couldn't outsmile a Persian, or any bodt
else walking about on two legs. Hea ones
began to smile at his wife. She stood j.
for a few minutes, and hen Observed
''W WHAT'S the matter, Williamson tt
collie again 20
II smile, because I want to carry sun
shine to your darkened SOUL" e replied
She wanted him to understand that fiji
teen minutes at the wood-pile would help
her more than all the giins he could grin
in a straight week, and when he went into
the kitchen 10 smile some sunshine at tt e
hired girl, the wife followed him and rails
ed row that put dinner three quarters OF
an hour behind hand. However. you cant
n.,;a 1
and this man tried it again On the street.
car as lie came down town yesterday. OPP
posite him Sal an old woman with has
ket, and he undertook to smile the shadow $
from her heart. She watched him for two
or three minutes. growing mad all tie
time. and PRESENTLY she asked:
''Do you think you know Inc. that you
are grinniDg across the aisle like circus
baboon
81 smile, madam, because-because'
he stammered, forgetting what the Per
Sian said. II smile because
"You are grinning because I've got sore
eyes!" she shouted.
mo, madam. smile that THAT l."
''I'll not stand 1t !" she exclaimed, anu
she hammered him with the basket until
he escaped off the platform.
''Now grin over that, will you !" she
called after him, as she shook the basket
in the air.
''The Persian who went around smiling
was fool and Pm his first cousin 70
growled the man, and he quit smiling and
q fnh hor
tfolt Free Press.
After christening at church, while the
minister wa; making out a certificate, lie
happened to say. ''Let me see, this is the
Both" "Thirtieth p exclaimed the in
dignant mother; indeed it is only tie
eleventh y The minister was alluding to
the day of the month-the lady to the
family statistics.
4 very young miss, who resldts on
Holmes street, thus addressed her pater-
nal parent on Sunday morning: Poppy,
L want d new hat and pair of new shoes. -
II s'pose SO. What don't you want?" re-
marked the paternal. ''Well," answered
the qulck-witted little miss, 81 don't want
any troWsers..
Kansas City ''Times'': IAN Iowa paper
tells of smart wife who helped her hus-
band to raise seventy acres of wheat. The
way she helped him was to stand in the
door and shake a broom at him when he
sat down to rest
''Why don't your ia Their take neyspa-
per p" said gentleman to little urchin
whom he caught in the act of pilfering one
from his door step. "'CauSe le sends me
to take it.''