St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-05-11
Squibs.

lLluICllCh
Some hygienic writer says: Let your
children eat all the salt they want. Bless
you, it isn't salt they want-it's sugar.
One swallow doesn't make a Spring,
but nine grasshOppers out of ten do
just when you think you've got your
hand on them.
The best base ball catcher in Mime
apOlis, Minn., has outdOne himself and
caught-the smallpox.
There never was IA time when the in
surance business was so safe as it now
Is. All that man wants to do after he
gets insured is to die right quick, be-
fore the company does. But he doesn't
want to be foOling around, living and
having good time.-BWLiRgtOn HatUk-
eye.
Joughnes saw placard on. the wall,
eff you don't see what you want ask for
it," and asked the storekeeper for S5,
but the proprietor couldn't see it,
either.
"Let me see," says the nurse of a sick
man; ''the doctor said one teaspoonful
every ten minutes. That makes six
every hour, say y during the night. |
shall give him ~ spoOnfuls right away,
and have chance TO get little sleep
myself"
ROund-cOrnered collars will be worn
by gentlemen this season, having su-
perseded those with sharp points, and
hereafter, man will he able to call
upon IA girl, to inquire after the health
of her parents, without running the risk
OF putting out one of her eyes.-NOr-
Uich Bulletin.
All journalists are not poor. Turner
of the Telegram has dog. 1t is fond
of chickens, and killed five hens, worth
dollar apiece, the day before yester-
day. Turner did not want the hens,
but the owner came out with a club
and pursuaded him to buy them-Nor-
uUich Bulletin.
The Burlington Hawkeye says: On
account of the Turco- Russian war and
the failure Of the American cabbage
crop last year, nearly all the genuine
imported Turkish tobacco used in this
country this summer will have to be
made out of plantain weed.
The author of "From Dawn to NoOnn
ought to be made an A. NJ. by one of
our Olleges.-Puck. On the same prin-
SlplC, VIC SliplJOSt any lldU VINO VIII
write another book entitled 'From
Noon to Sunset" may claim an ap-
pOintment us p. NJ. hwith.-NeW
York Commercial.
They are mighty polite down in BOs-
ton, and carry ceremony entirely too
far in Il good many cases. For instance,
the Transcript says that "no gentleman
will puff smoke in the face of lady he
may suppose tobacco-smoke to be of
fensive to-" This is getting entirely
too nice. Still, if he don't ''suppose"
anything about it, of course he can puff
her eyes and ears full with perfect i'm
punity. Up here we don't go to ex-
tremes in this way; but we insist new
ertheless that no gentleman will ex-
pectorate tobacco juice in a woman's
face without first asking her if it is
agreeable to her. You can tell the real
gentlemen Oh the street cars by mark
ing their conduct in this Particular
Chicago Inter Ocean.
A West Side man read that Emerson
had IA habit of writing down every good
idea that strikes him, even getting up
in the night to jOt down some valuable
thought, and determined to profit by it
himself. Last Monday night, when the
city clock was striking 2, he jumped
out of bed with a whOop, fell astraddle
Of the rOcking-chair, barked his elbow
Oh the wash-stand, knocked hole in
his Uranium on the corner of the bureau,
totally wrecked his night-shirt, and
while he lay groaning in the dark his
wife howled Burglars, police !" ETC.,
the baby struck in with a bawl, and
wi hon his nl1aSf ,.tIChal INT, h.,
room armed with an old cavalry sword
and a horse-pistol, followed by one of
the boys with light, dire confusion
prevailed. The old man explained
and as he pulled the covers around him
he muttered ''Confound that old dough-
head Emerson. I'll let my ideas go to
blazes and sleep after this" and he did.
Erie Morning Dispatch.
COULDN'T PLACE HIM.-An intellect
ual young man, promising student
just back from Brown University, was
met at the Union depot by an elderly
man who made Il grasp at the young
mans hands, and even essayed to clasp
him in his arms. The young man
shook hands with the enthusiastic ma
tive in a nOu-cOmmittal sort of way,
and said, in not untliendly tones, "Well,
indeed, my dear fellah-I really-yOur
face is rather familiar it seems to me
] have met you somewhere, and yet
can't exactly place yOu.n And as the
father gazed at his distinguished son in
dumb amazement, aud thought how
only five years ago he had distributed
thoroughbred welts aud orthodox blis-
ters all around his youthful back with
u piece of lath, for taking the old mans
razor To trim un -hinuy club. hr
sighed, aud went back to the ofic-
With an uualtertble determination To
bind ont his other SOUS to -hosmaker-
and hlnek.mith-. BHriiHqioH Hawleys.
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