davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25

For finding the interest on any princip al
for any number of days. The answer in
each case being in cents, separate the two
right hand figures of the answer to express it
in dollars and cents
Four per cent.-Multiply by the number
of days and divide by seventy-two.
Six per cent.-Multiply by the number of
days, separate the right hand figure, and di.
vide by six.
Eight per cent-Multiply by the number of
days, and divide by forty y-fve.
Nine per cent-Multiply by the number of
days, separate the right hand figure, and d.
vide by four.
Ten per cent.-Multiply by the number of
days, and divide by thirty-fve.
Twelve per cent.-Multiply by the number
of days, separate the right hand figure, and
divide by three.
Fifteen per cent.-Multiply by the number
of days and divide by twenty-four.
Eighteen per cent.-Multiply by the num-
Der of days, separate the right hand figure,
and divide by two.
Twenty per Multiply by the number
of days, and divide by eighteen.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
A Good 'Ching.

One of the leading New York weeklies has
hit upon happy plan for disposing OF peo-
pie who want to talk the editor to death.
Upon entering the office the visitor sees in
the glass partition before him four windows,
with silver plate over each. One is inscrib-
ed, Bookkeeper;" another, "Advertise-
ments;'' another Subscriptions" and last
but not least, the fourth is inscribed, 'sFor
Bores." Any stranger showing disposition
to argue the subject for more than five min
utes is referred to the fourth window, where
speaking tube, running down to the cellar,
thence up to the roof, and down again to an
opening close to his ear, is at his disposal.
Tube or not tube-that is the question which
he asks himself. He generally puts his lips
to the orifce, yells out, '1s the editor in p
and then starts back affrighted as the words
repeat themselves in his left ear He yells it
again, and again the echo is repeated. Then
he looks sheepish, smiles sickly smile, re-
marks that ''that is a pretty good thing" :"
slides out of the door ond down stairs before
any one knows what's the matter with him,
and never comes back.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
DeadwOOd Death.

From the Cincinnati Enquirer Correspondence
AS was resting in camp on the outskirts
of Deadwood, jolly-faced man came along
and asked for job. He was told that every
man was working for himself, and making
mighty fine wages at that, when he replied:
''Gentlemen, l haven't had one good meal
in three weeks. l haven't been able to get a
days work; I'm dead broke, and the curtain
is going to ring down on this tragedy right
here and fight now"
He stepped around the fire, pulled re-
volver from miners belt, and then retreat
ing back pace or two, he said:
"Gentlemen, I'm going to hell! I've starved
around the Black Hills for three months, and
if there is any bigger hell than this I'm envi-
Gus to see it. Excuse me for wasting ammu-
milton, but here go-crack!"
He put the muzzle of the revolver to his
forehead, and never kicked after the report
No man rose to restrain him. After few
minutes the owner of the revolver walked
over and secured it, and, as he wiped spot
of blood off the barrel, he growled out.
''Blast his eyes! Why didn't he jump
over some cliff, or 90 out and let the Indians
tickle him to DEATH"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
Helena, Montana, Thursday, October IS, 1877
An EX-Granger.

II used to he an agriculturalist, Tom. An
agriculturalist is the nOblest work Of God.
He beats an honest man-in horse trade.
Yes, was once a 'horny-handed son Of toll
ate my bread in the sweat of my brow.
Il suppose you was one of them fellers
that wear the badges, Jack, and turn out in
the procession-a Granger?
"A Granger: Pooh! Why. was old Ag-
ricola HIMSELF"
"Yes 7"
eyes, used to speed the plow.'"
"And hurl the glittering Mccormack
through the golden grain?" said Tom, rub
bing his hands at the thought.
mo, Tom. steered the shining share
through the emerald sward, my boy
Il see-the plow was your strong hold"
"Ah! Tom, was a regular Cincinnatus!
80, you had a hog ranch!'
a plowman.'
''Well, Jack, plowman or pork packer, we
won't fall out about him. But, tell me, where
did you do all this farming of yours 2"
"Up in Oregon, my by. l engaged my:
self to landed proprietor, and was allotted
the pleasing task of preparing the fruitful
soil for the waiting seed. went forth and
titilated the bosom of old mother earth.
"You plowed, Jack 2"
"Yes, plowed, my boy. Iplowed for the
space of about three hours. A root of the
size of boa constructor then arose and pro-
iected itself into my face, causing two front
teeth and the classic outlines of my nose to
disappear; the plow went into stump; l
went over its handles, and the team-with the
beam of the tool went through two fences
and to the devil, for all know.
Irregular smash up, Jack -
Irregular smash up, Tom. did not long
consider the situation, but, girding up my
loins, sadly betook myself across lots to the
nearest seaport town. Cincinnatus OF old
left his plow in the furrow-l left the re-
mains Of mine sticking in a stump.
"From that moment, Tom, ceased to be
a husbandman. For nearly three hours the
calm joys of a tiller of the soil had filled my
soul. That big root knocked all the Agri.
cola, Cincinnatus and Bobby Burns out OF
me. No more plow for me! Never since
have guided the shining share of the his
toric implement
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
THE EDITORS ROOM.
BY WILLIAM NJ. CARLETON.

The editor sat in his sanctum, his cOuntenance fur
rowed with care.
His mind at the bottom of his business his feet at the
top of his chair;
His chair elbow supporting his right hand up
holding his head,
His eyes the dusty old table, with dlnerent docu-
ments spread.
There were thirty long pages from Howler, with un-
derlined capital stopped,
And short disqnsitOn from GrOwler requesting MS
There were lyrics from Gusher, the poet concerning
sweet fowrcts ard zephyrs,
And stray gem from Plodder the farmer, describing
couple of heifers;
There were blets from beautiful maidens, and bills
from a grocer or two,
And his best leader hitched to letter. which inquired
if he wrote it, or who?
There raptures of praises from writers, of the
smooth and mellifuous school.
And one of his rivals last papers, which informed
him that he fool.
There several long resolutions, with tell
ing who they were by,
Canonizing some harmless old brother, who had done
nothing worse than to die;
There were long staring lads" from the city, and
money with never q one,
Which added: "Please give this insertion and send
in your bill when you're dOne:"
There were letters from meetings.
their wants, and their laws
Which said: ''Can you print this announcement for
the good of our cause?"
There tickets inviting his presence to festivals
parties, and shows,
Wrapped in notes, with 'Pleaee give us notice, y
demurey slipped in at the close;
In short. his eyes took the table. and ran DER it's
ink-spattered trash,
There nothing it did not encounter, excepting
perhaps it was cash.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
child Love anN Faith.

About three years ago gentleman OF this
city went East On a visit to his old home. one
Of his brothers there had bright and beautl-
full little son, not yet two years OF age. The
boy-little Benny-soon became strongly at
tached to his ''Uncle Ben, from Washoe, y
whose namesake he was. Uncle Ben often
took the little fellow in his arms in the sum-
mer evenings, and, seated in the porch, talked
him to sleep. AT such times he would point
out the evening star, telling the boy that far,
far away, just under that star, was his home.
The child would look long at the star, then
for as long gaze up in the face of his Uncle,
as though thinking on what bright and
beautiful place his home must be. At last
the day came when Uncle Ben was to leave
for his home in the far West. Little Benny
knew this as well as any one about the house,
and, with both eyes and ears, was on the
alert. He would not allow his uncle to be q
minute out of his sight. Several attempts on
the part of Uncle Ben to steal away resulted
in such fits of crying that he was obliged to
return and soothe the child. However, the
child, wcaiied with crying and watching, at
last fell asleep in his uncle's arms. When he
awoke Uncle Ben was far away. Long the
boy looked for his uncle, and often called his
name. Many times of evenings lie was found
gazing earnestly at the brighter star that stood
as guard over his uncle's home. AS he
grew, his love of the star deepened, and he
talked more and more of it and his uncle,
both so far away at the edge of the sky. Even
when three years had passed, and Benny was
nearly five years old, his belief in the story
told him by his uncle continued. Poor boy !
another year was never added to his age. 1t
was his fate to die fearful death. BY &C.
cident he was scalded over nearly his whole
body, and lived but four hours. He seemed
to read in the faces of the dear ones about
him that he must soon die. He bore his pain
manfully, only uttering an occasional moan.
AS the shades of evening deepened he was
seen to turn his face anxiously towards the
window of his room. At last he asked: ''1s
it there-the starr" He was told that the star
was there and shining brightly. Feebly he
said: "I'ake me to the window He was
carried to the window A smile lighted up
his face as he said ''Ah, there it is! Now
can find the way to Uncle Ben-I can see his
STAR" He closed his eyes as though wearied.
The smile faded out of his face. One moan,
as he was laid on his bed, and the light of his
life had gone out and up to meet and mingle
with that of the star he so long had watched
and loved Virginia Enterprise.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
SENATORIAL IMBlBEKS
Outrageous ISLANDERS on Our Public Ser.
wants.
washington Star.l

washington STAR
Last winter. when the mind of the average
statesman was absorbed in the all-engrossing
topic incident to the Presidential count, Pres
ident of the Senate Ferry issued an order to
the restaurateur to abstain from the sale OF
all intoxicating drinks. Within twenty min
utes after the ukase had been promulgated,
Senator Clayton, of Arkansas, appeared and
gave one of those knowing winks to the
young man behind the marble counter. The
wink failing to be interpreted, as the Senator
thought, he threw up his finger, (all drinkers
know how it is done,) but even this, accom-
ted, failed to penetrate the seeming stolidity
of the attendant. Finally, Clayton, out of
patience, said:
"Here, give me some whisky
"Sorry, sorry, very sorry" replied the at
tendant, ''but Vice President Ferry has just
issued an order that no liq-'
"D-n Vice President Ferry. Gimme a
drink, quick
"But will you protect me if discovered?'
"Certainly will. Gimme some whisky"
The teacup was served, the Senator quaffed
from it, smacked his lips and passed up stairs
to legislate.
Presently Senator Jones, of Florida, ap-
peared.
"Ah," said he, with good deal of dignity,
''you may give me one of those things in a
cup. You know what mean, Mr.. Love-
Excuse me, Senator, but Vice President
Ferry has warned me, upon pain of dismissal,
not to sell any liquor to"
81 don't care, Mr.. Love. what Vice Presi-
dent Ferry wants; l want cup of comfort. "
Jones assured him that of course. certainly,
ahem! Why, to be sure, he would protect
Mr. Love if trouble came.
The next customer on hand was Senator
Simon Cameron, of Pennsylvania. Without
making any roundabout attempts to indicate
his wants, by facial or finger gymnastics, he
called out: "Fetch me some brandy
but, my dear Senator said Love, "Vice
President Ferry"
The Senator, excited" oh, d-n Vice
President Ferry. Bring me some brandy,
and don't want any teacup business about it.
You may bring me the Jug
Love saw that Simon meant business, and
without exacting any promise of protection
the Pennsylvania Senator got the jug, and as
he sought from it such exhilaration as it gave,
he no doubt muttered to himself his favorite
expression, "This is hell of time"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
'sDat's NOugh of Dat Story"

During the progress of the Liberia move
ment last Saturday, one of the workers in the
cause got an old darky who did not take kind
ly to the movement off to one side and began
describing the great benfts the negro would
enjoy by emigrating, and among other things
told him that there the negro did not have to
work; nature had provided everything for
his comfort there the milk and honey, and
bread and sugar trees covered the forests, and
bananas, cocoanuts, pineapples and all the
tropical fruits grew as plentiful as China ber-
ries here. ''Dat's 'nough of dat story" said
the old darkey, ''dat ant so kase if it was
de white man would went dar long ago,
and de nigger would hab known muffin bout
it,"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25

JUST after the strike, when Solomon closed
the discussion by telling the sluggard to 60 to
the ant, the sluggard replied, with knowing
wink, that he had softer thing than that.
''As how ?" inquired that proverbial monarch.
II will start savings bank" replied the man
of inertia. The monarch nodded twice or
thrice, and went away to get shaved. The
next time he met the sluggard that deliberate
individual was riding in goid-mounted car
riage, with coachman and footman in livery,
pulled up to say that he was going over to
Europe for little while till the furry blew
over. And Solomon went back to his sane
tum and wrote, 'Better is handful with
quietness than handbook as big ss bible
with travail and vexation of spirit. Bur
ngt0n HGWkeye.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
cure for Neuralgia.

A very simple relief for neuralgia is to boil
a small handful of lobelia in half a pint of
water till the strength is out of the herb, then
strain it off and add teaspoonful of fine
salt Wiring cloths out of the liquid, as hot
as possible, and spread it over the part affec-
ted. 1t acts like charm. Change the cloths
as soon as cold till the pain is all gone; then
cover the place with soft, dry covering till
all perspiration is over, so as to prevent TAX
ing cold. Rheumatism can often be relieved
by application to the painful parts of cloths
wet in a weak solution of sal soda in water.
If there is inflammation in the joints the cure
is very qnick. The wash needs to be luke
warm
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
Caueht Out on Four Kiugs.

-Four gentlemen were travelling from the
Far West to New York City for the purpose
of buying goods. One of them was Ger
man. AS the journey was long and tedious,
they concluded to while away the hour at a
game of euchre. Fritz, the German, had
been in the habit of playing draw poker, so
every time he was dealt good poker hand
he would remark:
'Vell, Iplays poker NIT you on dis hand. ;"
The other parties would say, 'Oh, never
mind poker, 60 on with the game we are
playing"
Pretty soon Fritz would get another poker
hand, and out would come, Il plays poker
init you on dis hand.'
80, never mind poker; 60 on with the
game"
He talked so much about poker that the
party thought finally that they would give
him enough of it. One of them left the ia
BILE, got another deck Of cards similar to the
one they were playing with, and ''put them
up' for the occasion. Fritz soon left the
table a moment for glass of water, and
while absent the new pack was substituted,
and was being dealt as he returned. The
dealer turned up queen. On looking at his
hand Fritz found he had four kings. He
Immediately said, II plays poker NIT you on
dis hand"
One of the party, who had dealt himself
four aces, looked at his hand some time, then
he looked at the queen which had been turned
up, then at his hand and again at the queen.
Finally he remarked:
"Well, now, Fritz, since you seem so anx-
ious to play poker, I'll tell you what I'll do.
If you will let me take that queen up, will
give you little hand at poker"
''All right" says Fritz, ''all right; you
take up de queen"
The queen was taken up and the betting
commenced. Fritz bet $50; John N.
raised him $50; Fritz raised that $100;
John went $500 letter, and SO the betting
went on until poor Fritz had put up all the
money he had brought to buy goods with.
When the money was all exhausted and it
came to call, John showed down his four
aces and his queen and took the money.
Fritz didn't say word, but went on with the
game of euchre for about half an hour.
Finally be looked up with perplexed coun-
tenance, and remarked interrogatively.
"John, l bethinks all this while what de
queen have NIT to do with dat hand"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
Irate Kenuucklan.

A Kentucky editor. going off on a visit,
left his paper in charge of a minister. Dur.
ing the minister's stay in the sanctum, the
follwing letter came from mountain sub.
scriber: s'You know id we'll l paid my
subscription the last time Twas in Lexington.
If get any more such letters from you as
I received last week, will come down and
maui HI out Of you." The minister an
swered: 81 have been trying to maui that
thing out of the editor for ten years; and if
you will really come down and maui it out of
him, then, my dear sir, have twenty men,
bers of my church will also get you to op-
crate on"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25

A Connecticut man, whose death was
falsely reported in newspaper, writes: ''It's
a mistake: " no thought of dying. Icould-
MT afford it, when funeral prices are up
higher than kite, and potatoes worth only
fifty cents bushel in Waterbury,"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
Georgia Marriage ceremony.

A couple were married in Georgia by a
justice of the peace. Unto the man he said
Sir, will you have the beloved woman Won
hold by the right hand, in the name of the
State of Georgia, Cobb county. and the new
constitution, whether it be adopted or not, to
De your lawful welded wife? And to the
woman he said: Madam, will you take this
man to be your lawful husband under the con.
sttution OF the United States and the consti.
is President. 2" 0' -" Nv
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
Romantic Mercedes.

The Princess Mercedes, to whom the King
of Spain is paying court, exacts from her
admirer all the little attentions that the bellies
of Seville and Granada are accustomed to.
One of his duties is to sing to the tinkle of q
guitar under her balcony at night; and on
these occasions he is accompanied by the
Duke de Sexto, who stands at distance un-
observed. The marriage will probably take
place next February.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-25
ZZED''
BY u Saw and a Reporter.

Uncle George had controversy with a
buZz-saw the other morning. 1t seems tina,
my uncle got the worst of the argument. He
was resting.
'Unclc George" said l, 81 hear you were
buzz-sawed this morning?"
81 was! l was buzz-sawed sure!" said
Uncle George, holding up bunch of white
rags at the end Of his arm.
Ibid it hurt you much?" l continued, sit
ting down on the bed.
''TwO fingers and thumb"
''You have got them tied up?"
'No; l have got the place where they were
tied up"
''Then they are off ?"
"Yes, good ways
show did it happen?'
81 pushed my hand against the saw while
running narrow strip through"
did you keep il there long?"
"No.''
eyes"
''Did you take it all away?"
''All but two fingers and thumb
What did you do with them?'
81 left them on the other side of the saw"
Did you say anything al the time?'
II did; but it won't do to publish"
10 you think the buzz-saw was to blame?"
Cnleny.
''How did it feel 2"
"a good deal like shaking hands with a
streak of lightning"
Did the buzz-saw say anything?"
1T said Zip! and then buzzed on
20 you think you would put out your
hana there if you had it to do over?"
Hardly
:. Don't you think it would be good thing
II buzz-saw could be invented that would
saw without moving?'
''Undoubtedly."
[ "Do you know anything more abont a
buzz.saw than anybody else does ?"
Yes"
''What?'
Gov. Don't S you 70 J. ever get within mile of buzz
''Why?"
Your curiosity might get the better of
your Judgment, and you would be temnted
to experiment until your fingers were all left
where mine are. Good afternoon"
, 1877-10-20

DR.. J. NJ. Hinkle. Of the National
Surgical Institute. with competent
corps of assistants, will visit Portland.
Oregon. Rooms at St. Charles Hotel,
Octobe, 22d, to November 1st. 1877, in
elusive. No other institution in the
world has successfully treated so many
cases of Spiral Curvature. Diseases Of
the Joints, Paralysis, Clnb Feet. Piles,
Fistula in ano, Scrofuia, Nasal Cstarrh
etc. Patients from almost every coun-
ty in the United States have applied to
it for relief. either at the home Insti-
tute at Indianapolis. Indiana, or to one
of its Grand Divisions at Philadelphi /,
Pa, Atlanta. Ca, or Snn Francisco,
Cal. The afflicted cann9t afford to miss
this opportunity of hing cured at
home. The Doctor makes no charge
for cons lltation and examination, and
his terms for treatmens al within tie
reach Of every one.
, 1877-10-20
Special Notices.

~ You that want Cheap Work done in the
way Of Plumbing, Steam or Gas Fitting, be
! shure and see the firm Of HENDRICKS &
CURTIS. As they are doing work at Eastern
prices, They have iron pipe for gas, water or
steam. and great variety Of pumps. Also,
they do Well Digging and pipe driving for
wells. having the Celebrated Perforated Drive
Wells points, which take so we'll East oc15
NJ THE NATIONAL GOLD MEDAL was award.
cd to BRADLEY Rulofson for the best Photo
graphs in the United States, and Vienna Medal
for the best IN the world. 4os Montgomery
street. San Francisco.
IA GOLD, SILVER AND GREENBAcxs bought
and sold At the Express Cigar Store and Ex-
Change Office, by L. B. Hardness. Best Cigars
and Tobaccos always on hand. oc3tf
- for 80,
3 for 60.
4 for so,
HAVANA CroARs. at Jack IAvy'a.
- WILL CuRE CONSUMPTION. To all suf-
fering from the follow ing diseases q ray of hope
Is cfered through the Kindness of missionary
friend who has sent me the formula Of pure.
ly vegetable medicine which has long been used
by the native medicine men of Hindostan:-f0r
the positive and radical cure Of Consumption,
bronchitis, Catarrh, Asthma, Dyspepsia,
Throat and Lung difficulty. General Debility.
Loss Of Manhood and all Nervous Affections.
its power has been tested in hundreds Of cases
without = failure. now feel it my sacred ju-
ty a. far ss possible TO relieve human misery
and will send the recipe-F1EE OF CHARGE-to
any person who may desire it with directions
Tor using. Sent by return mail by addressing
with stamps naming this paper, DR.. .. r.
Brigham. Drawer %, Utica, NY
nA All, my friend, II you like xe superb
glass Of beer, take re promenade to re Centen-
NAL Saloon. Eh, bisn. Eat Is magnifque
- To ADvKRIIsrRs.- Book Of 100 psges,
complete List Of Newspapers and Advertising
Rates. By mail CSC. Address GEO. P. RowELL
I Co., New YORK.
IA THERE WILL BE A BALL every Monday
Wednesday. Friday and Saturday night Of each
week, ut the Cassiar Fruit Stand. Oct. Linn