The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1877-08-09

FACT, FUN, AND FANCY.

Fashionable entertainments for the
week-"Going to the Throat and Ear ball
Lady Maryw "No; we are engaged to
the Incureable Idiots" "Then, perhaps
l may meet you at the Epieptic dance
on Saturday." "Oh, yes, we are sure to
be there, The Eplleptic stewards are so
delightful w-Puach.
A young man who was heavily fined
in San Francisco court for kissing his
betrothed against her will didn't break
up the engagement and demand the re-
turn of rings, pictures and letters. He
simply wrote, "Dear Lydia: You'll have
to wait now till can borrow money
enough to pay the minister"
The Baptist Weekly has long article
on the subject, "Are ministers entitled to
vaCation2" 1t claims they are not. 1t
is an ably written paper, from the pen of
minister who has been in the Adiron'
dack Mountains, hunting, fishing and
drawing full salary, ever since the first OF
June. 1t is intended to apply only to
western ministers.
The "racket" between Judge Hilton
and the Jews recalls the famous tilt be-
tween O'Connell and Disraeli The Irish
man tainted the Jew with being "lineal
descendant of the impenitent thief on the
CROSS" Disraeli's answer is not we'll
known. He conClusively replied that
"one half of Christendom worshipped
Jew and the other half a Jewess. "-Bos-
ton Journal.
A gentleman of this city, who keeps
good team often invites his friends TO a
ride with him. On recent occasion he
invited young lady. After they were
seated in the carriage he asked her, as
usual, Where would you like to go ?"
She replied, "Oh, anywhere you please"
"Well,h said he, II will either take you to
Cedar Hill Cemetery or to the Charter
Oak Trotting Park" Her rejoinder was,
Sir, your offer is both grave and racy."
Hartford Times.
A gentleman who resides on his estate
in one of the northern counties Of Eng
land, one day observed miner strolling
through the grounds. "What are you
doing here, my man ?" "Well," said the
stranger, "aa's Just takin' waak." well
but don't you know that your trespass
ingW "0h, ay," replied the miner, but
thoo ices aa've ma land of my aawp,
and whose land must nun aa Waak
on ?"
Mr.. Smith, sixty, desperately in love
with sweet sixteen. Marriage. Mr.. Smith
having had his swing can't see for his life
why Mrs. Smith is not able to take his
word for the deCeitful alurements OF 30
cety, and be willing to turn off the gas at
half. past ten. Consequences Rebellion,
inery filtration. Final result: Mrs. Smith
waltzes off into happiness or misery; gen
orally misery. Mr. Smith resumes the
arrangement of his own neckties.
wins Monthly.
An editorial friend in New Hampshire
sends this to Harper's Magazine: Some
time ago an aged man who had jnst lost
his vito came into our sanctum,and with
Tears standing in his eyes, eulogized the
memory of the deceased, and asked us to
record the death in our nextlssue. And"
said he, while youare about it, make an
item about one of my Brahama hens lay
Inv an egg measuring seven and quarter
by eight and three quarter inches Ill cir
cumference." Thus suddenly our thoughts
of sympathy were directed to the sterner
realities of life
After having inspected pile of calico
in one of the Woodward avenue stores, Il
somewhat rusty looking man blandly re,
marked to the clerk before him: Credit
must be given me" mo, sir; we don't
trust" was the reply. 81 was going to
remark that credit must be given me
for" 1--WE couldn't do it, sir; the rule
applied to every one" "Coun't do what?
asked the man. Couldn't give you cred
it, "You are very uncivil, sir, very, but
yet will say before l go out of here that
credit must be given me for being honest
and impartial, when say that | never
saw three hitching-posts look nicer than
them out there. That's all, sir, and wish
l hadn't said that much. Detroit Flee
Press. ,.laa. .rsI r.a.