The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1877-04-05

Of music rhen you can 20 70 church and
get Il By the choir for nothing.
Some genius proposes 10 introduos
paper shirts. But SHIRT made out Of .
story paper would have too many tales.
There 10 a tim. Tor all things. The
time for an ink bottle 10 up over on
your writing paper Is just uhsn you have
finished letter.
There was one supremsly drunk msn
In town Saturday. lie va 90 far gone
that be passed several tobacco signs
without speaking 10 them.
sCan animals communicAts ideas 2
asks an exchange. IL they cannot there
Is a vast amount Of wasted conversAtioa
o moonlight nights around fences aud
back sheds.
A line Of canal boats six miles long
passed Schenectady last week They
were loaded with blue glaaa for the use
Of men who expected 10 Became Tildcn's
private secretaries.
A scientist devoted about half q column
10 explain How 10 Burn Coal" Almost
anybody who bad been at housekeeping
. month could have told him that vas
the wrong aide Of the question 10 dis
cuas.
A Yonkers boy got up straw mAn
yesterday In the back yard, dressing u In
bis fathers Sunday coat and new spring
tile. a. . target for prAotising on With his
rev bow and Arrowa he 10 saddest
when he ats.
No.. said the smart boy baby. when
the pretty young woman wanted 10 kiss
aim But Why notT' asked shs. %, I
am too little TO kis. you pspa win kiss
you. papa ksses al the big girls He
vas permitted 10 play With hts toys
An imaginative Irishman has improved
upon Ossian Il returned" says he. to
the balls Of tay father by night, and
] found them In ruins. ] cried aloud.
Ny fathers. where are theyT An echo
responded. 'Is that you. Patrick Nc.
Ciiths-yf"
Il came out Of the accident" said be,
"ai who do YOU think vas the hrst per.
~oI ! metz "WhoT' WAC but that
eternal priEepackAge peddlsr Who had
DO. ed me Tor SIX hundred miles on the
train. and be was the only one aboard
who wasn't hurt some way"
A man on xest hill set out lsst week
10 eat thirty partridge. IN thirty days on
9 wager. lie ate the hrst one without
any trouble. but the grocer refused 70
give him any further credit the very
NEXT day, rnd he is hopelesaly suck on
the other twenty.nine.
Some one has estimated that each per
son on the globe would receive two dol
las II all the gold uas pareslled one A.
many Of us would only be thir'y-6ve
cents richer by such "divy." Ne hardly
think 10 10 worth wLile 70 80 10 that
trouble.
A spaniard and an American we're re-
Gently dining together In New Dreams.
The former in passing dish Of brains 10
the latter said what you lack 4" The
American Offering the SpaniArd . plate
Of tongue answered; What you have .
surplus Of
Peter the Great was the 6rst editor IN
Russia aud We hsve an uncommonlv
la.ge amount Of respect for the late Mr..
Great lie never copied one Of our items
without giving us the proper eredi., and
never sent us his paper printed only on
one side.
A married man up town bad blue
glass put In his wife's sitting room-to
match her eyes. he said. She relu ned
the compliment by having red glass put
in her husbands library-to match his
nose. she said He didn't seem 10 ap.
preeiate the compliment
nrof Max Muller assures US that the
word India. is a corruption Of the Ter.
airn word "Shindu." Our Indians. there
fore. ought really 20 be called shindyans,
and from the number Of shindies In
which they engage. Ne have . dark aus-
picion that they know H.
Prof Proctor says the world ia grow.
ing larger. but We doubt II II will ever be-
big enough 20 sAtisfy the youngster With
his first pair Of boots and pants that but
ton up in front
story in one Of the late English mag.
aEines l. called "Owen. the MilkmAn"
Rather a commonplace title. There are
40 many persons OWN the hilkman.
you know.
A Kentuekian married girl without
previously telling her that one Of biz
legs was built Of oak wood. and now she
walnut live With him. lie pinss snd
sings Oak gum back 10 me- but she
wont so.
Old DR.. Sam. johnson knew what he
was talking about when. In his Dictiora-
ry he put this dshnitions "aistwork=
Anything reticulat~d or d~oussated at
equal distances. with intsFstiees between
the intei eisections."
A Chicago woman. Who slipped into
tub Of water that her husband bad
thouFhtlessly leh In the passageway,
confdingly tells her neighbofa that abe
never fclt 90 irrigated IN all her life.
Bridget, told you 10 let me have my
hot water the hrst thing in the Liorn-
ing" "Shure, cir said Bridget "didn't
bring Il up and lave Il At the durs lAat
night, 30 As 10 have IL In timef'
The Presidential question 10 AmieAbiy
settled. to the great satisfaction Of both
parties. An equal division 10 10 be made.
Hayes takes the inside and Tildcn the
outside Of the White House. That's AL.
A country paper. in an obituary notice
Of a subscribers son. says: He was an
uncommon smart boy. lie bad little
too much curiosity. perhaps, or he
wouldn't have pcepcd into the muEzle Of
his fathers shotgun
The proprietor Of young ladies acad.
emy has utterly ruined bic business by
causing TO be inserted In a large number
Of newspapers picture Of the building.
with two girls standing on the balcony
with last years hats on their heads.
lie had been In the habit Of making
frequent calls on a very agreeable lady OF
his aequaintancc. and. on entering her
parlor he said. well Miss Sima here