Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1877-01-10
HUMOROUS.

A DOMESTIC EPISODE. - The chill
breath of winter is in the air, and as
the night wind whistles around the
house. and wrestles with the blinds,
the husband and father, happy that his
wife and little ones are sheltered and
comfortable, draws the drapery OF his
couch about him and is about going on
to pleasant dreams. when the partner
of his joys and siIarer of his sorrows
says
..Seth, you must go down and fix the
furnace, or the gas will strangle the
baby"
Then the wretched man buttons his
breakfast jacket over his night shirt,
pokes his left foot into the right slipper
and his right into the left, and, ''drunkeh
with Sleep" feels his way down stairs,
falls over the cooks hod of coal and
kindlings at the Kitchen door, and
bursts into the cellar like torrent. He
Jerks open the furnace door, inbales
few quarts of coal gas, spits it up mixed
with some hard words, bangs the door
and knocks over the long poker and
cast-iron shovel with clang like roll
ing mill in full operation. He seizes
the wrench, and hooking it on the CRATE,
shakes it savagely; and the CRATE,
which has heretofore yielded sullenly
to his strength, revolves as if it was set
in oil, depositing the whole fire in the
ash box with the exception of two or
three big clinkers that wedge it up
edyewise. First he tries to pull Ii back
with the wrench, but the thing won't
move. Then he gets down on his hands
h, ha Iii EAr Ia
the poker like man stirring up cage
of animals in mcnagerie, but the hot
Goals heat him up TO another attempt
on the wrench, and, springing TO his
feet, he braces himself for mighty
pull, when the crate slips into place
like spring-lOck, the wrench slides OF
and bangs his bare shins as he staggers
back and knocks his head against the
plaster partition.
just then the policeman rings the
front door bell and asks ''if there is a
fire in there?' and having the door
slammed in his face with mo, 1 wish
there was," tells his relief at the next
corner that "old Simpkins, at AZ, Is
drunk and raising an awful row."
That unhappy citizen has hurried
back to the cellar, and throwing a
basketful of wood and kindlings into
the furnace, he lights them, and starts
for the coal bin. Returning with hod
full of coal, he essays TO pitch it dexter
ously into the furnace. just then a
puff of wood smoke strikes him in the
eyes, the edge of the hOd strikes Just be-
low the furnace door, and the contents
are dashed on the floor. with the excep-
ton of the finer particles, which sift
into his slippers. With the calmness of
despair he fills the furnace pot by
shovels full, and with sneezes herald
ing a coming cold, waits until the fire
is an accomplished fact. As he reaches
the chamber floor dismal wall freezes
his already chilled bleOd, and he is well
coined back by his loving wife with
81 wish you could ever do anything
about the house, Seth, without making
such dreadful noise. Here is the ba .
broad awake, and 1 don't believe We
shall get another wink of sleep to-
night"
Then the wretched man pulls the few
hairs virtuous life has left him, the
comforts of his home fade from his
mind, and he wishes he was homeless
wanderer in the cold streets, with the
prospect of warm lodging at the sta
tiOn house.