The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1877-07-06
FUNNY NOTES.

A solicitor, who was remarkable for
the length and sharpness of his nose,
once told a lady that If she did not i'm
mediately settle a matter In dispute,
he would file a bill against her. SIN
deed, sir" said the lady, ''there is no
necessity for you to file your bill, for /
am sure it is sharp enough already"
1t is doubtful If any other institution
eve obtains q stronger hold on the
sympathies of the average hald-headed
man from the country than that pos
sessed by the intrepid Mile. who poises
on the back of the cantering circus
steed, and sweeps the horizon with her
disengaged toe.
A German lost his wife, and the next
week married again, and his new wife
asked him to take her out riding. He
felt indignant that she should have
no more respect than that for his de-
ceased wife, and said: You dink I
ride out NIT another m so soon
after the death of mine frau?n
80 heavens, save my wife!'' shouted
a man whose wife had fallen overheard
in the Hudson river, recently. They
succeeded in rescuing her. And her
husband tenderly embraced her, saying,
"My dear, If you'd been drowned what
should l have done? l amt going to
let you carry the pocketbook again."
81 tell you SIR" said DR.. - one
morning to the village apothecary, ~
tell you sir, the TOT popntli should not,
must not, be disregarded." "What,
Doctor" exclaimed the apothecary,
rubbing his hands, ''you don't say that's
broken out in town, too, has itp Lord
help usl What unhealthy times these
are"
Beneath thisrnarble, one old Marble lies:
This marble truelly tells that Marble dies;
Marble shall RISE, yet not this monument:
For marble never lives and neyer dies, 49,,
never dies.
A little girl In Clinton, H., was
teaching her little brother the Lords
Prayer, the other night, and, when she
had said "Give US this day our daily
bread, he suddenly called out: "Pray
for syrup, too"
An old man of the name of Gould
married a young wife, wrote a poeti-
cal epistle to a friend to inform him of
it, and concluded thus:
SO YOU see, my dear sir, though I'm eighty
\ girl OF eighteen is in love with OLD Gould,
10 winch his friend replied:
\ girl ofeighteen may love Gold, it Is true,
But believe me, dear sir, tits Gold Without y.
Never tell a lie for the sake of n
ported between two boys: "What do
you think? My father the other day,
shot nine hundred and n~inety-nine
pigeons with one barrel of his gun2m
"Ob, why didn't he say q thousand at
once?" (Reply provokingly:)-"Do
you suppose my father would tell a lie
just for the sake Of one ~pigeon?"
A lady in describing to an ~irreverent
boy an occurrence in which his father
figured, closed by remarking: II am
sorry to see that the thing ended by
your fathers losing his temper" ibid
father lose his temper?n exclaimed the
young ~scapegrace. "'Then l hope he'll
never find it again, for its the worst
temper l ever heard Of"
In attempting to carve fowl one day
a gentleman found considerable diff.
Guilty in separating its joints, and ex-
claimed against the man who had sold
him an old hen for a young chicken.
MY DEAR" said the enraged mans
wife, don't talk SO much about the
aged and respectable Mr.. B.; he planted
the first hill Of corn that was planted in
our town" 81 know that'm said the
husband, land I believe this hen
scratched it up.n q.
A little girl, in Willimantic, who has
been importunate for a baby companion,
came down to breakfast, the other
morning with a very self-satisded and
important air. Now" said she to
her mother, 81 guess We'll have one
pretty soon" "Have whatP" asked
the mother. ga baby" promptly
returned the young innocent. 81
prayed to the Lord, last night, to send
US one, but of all things, not to send a
~red-haired one, for we all hate red
hair" Breakfast was resumed amidst
q profound and solemn silence. n. B.
The prayer Is not yet answered.
According to English authority, red
ness OF the nose In both sexes Is pro-
e duced by inattention to the common
rules OF preserving health. With men,
the bottle is thepredisposing cause;
with women, and especially the young.
tight lacing. An unnatural pressure
on the the waist aud chest obstructs
the circulation, and causes stagnation
of the blood in that prominent and i'm.
'portant feature, the nose.
If your purse does not allow you to
buy books, read men, study women,
and take lessons from children. With.
out musical instruments, you may play
upon the people; if you are lame, you
may run for Congress; without teeth,
you can backbite your neighbors; II
totally blind, you can see as far into
q milestone as other people; If as deaf
a q post you will know as much, of last
Sundays sermon, a week hence, as the