The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-08-04
VARIETY.


Noody's popularity at the Hub is waning. In
moment of unguarded enthusiasm he blurted
out that Heaven vas more desirable place than
Boston.
A Georgia negro twisted mules tail to urge
it over fence. The small attendance at the
frneral next day showed that the people didn't
care If he did twist the mules tail
RrsIxTss MAN. Patrick hereafter l want
YOU to commence work at five O'Clock and quit at
feYen' Patrick" Sure, and wouldn't it be
ikSell if I'd commence in the morning at seven,
and leave of at five in the evenlng?'
The obituary writer of the New Orleans Times
paid the following tribute to a dead soldier:
. Gen. JEFF. Thompson is dead. At st Joseph,
Missouri, at five O'Clock, that genial, whole
souled and devil-may-care personifcation of &C.
centricity climbed the golden stair D."
RECOGNITION MALAPRoPos- Chief JUS
tice Holt, In early life was very dIssipated, and
belonged to a club of wild fellows. most of whom
took an infamous course of life. One day, when
bis lordship was engaged at the Old Baily,
man was convicted of highway robbery, whom
The judge remembered to have been one of his
Old ompanious. Moved by curiosity, Holt,
thinking the prisoner did not know him, asked
What had become of his old associates. The eul-
prit, making low bow, and fetching a deep
sigh, replied: "Ah. my lord, they are all
Gange0 DuC your anu L
IS THE dim, uncertain twilight of the soft
bIay evening, a distracted figure was seen fit
ting, down the street of an Ohio town in the
direction of the railway station. 1t slapped a
lank and hungry gripsack on the bracket of the
window and demanded in husky tones, d" Tikt!"
q Where to?" calmly asked the unrufaed
monopolist behind the window. I" Anywhere
anywhere!'' was the frenzied response. ANY
where f.! Clear through! Clear acrost To
Burglary, or Prooshy, or the danube, or Diften-
dorfer, or any place. Anywhere out of an un-
hateful country that coldly turns its back upon
kn deserving children. Any where out of
Alneriea.'' And he bowed his head and wept.
he was the only man in Ohio that didn't get an
o9ice.-BuriRgton Hdtckeye.
LIZ. PARKER as Coon SAMARITAN.-Mr.
Parker made large number of calls Monday,
and late in the evening was playing temporary
Engagement as the hypothenuse of o triangle, of
which the pavement and lamp post were the
base and perpendicular, when he was approached
by poor shivering wretch-a very shadow
Eho said with piteous whine:
Scan l speak to you, Boss?''
"Glad to meet ye. ole frien'. Happy returns
live long an prosper" said Mr.. Parker, warm
n;
The beggar was cheered
" Could ask you: sir; to give me few PEN
nies for my starvin' family? 1 have wife, sir,
and six small children, an not bite nor a
sup has passed their lips for three days"
Youngman," SAID Mr.. Parker, sternly, still
elinging to the lamp-post, ssYou'r fraud, shir:
yssir fraud; yOuvenofamiIy tall shir: dshipatei
youth, spend money rr rum; you've been drin-
kin' shir.''
g Hope 1 may die, Boss, if I've touched a
drop" said the shadow, energetically.
"Had no drink tall Ten'e truf, yong man:
honess g. ingin!'
ss No drink at all, Boss cross me heart;'
Well, have: there's quarter, go home star
vim, wife, six children, take drink" And una
bic to contain his feelings Mr.. Parker sat down
on the curbstone.
WANTED FARM.-A Detroit real estate agent
vas waited on yesterday by tall man with
Eeed on his bat, who said he had the cash to pa7
Eor a farm provided he could get one to suit.
The agent smiled him to q seat, and brought out
bis register of descriptions. He had several farms
registered on his books, and he had no doubt
shat he could suit the would be purchaser.
The stranger remarked What 1 want is a
q the dealer. I'D like form with a lake on
D" Here she is-here's farm with lake
1zactly in the centre" ss And want a big
aatural cavern in one of the hills.'' "Here you
4re. There's a cave on this farm which can't
De beat The stranger drew long breath, and
vent on:-'' want farm of 300 acres, but 100
acres must be marsh land g. Here she isl
was the ready reply -, just 300 acres In the farm
and just lOO In marsh land. y must have a
waterfall 26ft. high on the FARM continued the
stranger. p" Here you are. This farm has natur-
al waterfall of 25ft. Hin. 1 don't suppose an
inch more less. on waterfall amounts to
much. IS Well, no; but want windmill on
on one Of the hills THAT was put up last wear
was the calm reply. 1t was some time before
the stranger thought of anything else, but
finally said-''There must be Baptist church
right across the road from the house." zone
built there last summer, SIR " 1t must
be brick church, '' So it is.'' Has it
an organ7" :. 1t has" 50 Then. 1 can't buy the
farm of you," said the stranger, rising to 90.
" If there is anything 1 hate, it is church
organ, and you can see for yourself that 1
would be in a continual misery. The farm suits
me frst-rate, but 1 can't 60 that organ.'' just
what estimate those two men placed upon each
others veracity as they separated will never be
knoWn.-Detrot Free Press.