davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23

MARK TwAIN's CHARAcTER.-Mark
Twain in his "Innocents Abroad spoke
disrespectfully of Capt. Duncan of the Qua
ker City, and the captain recently retaliated
in lecture before few people in New
York, saying that Mark represented him
self on boarding the Quaker City as a Bap-
list minister, and wanted TO dead-be his
passage, and likewise that he was contin-
ually soaked in bad whiskey. The quar-
rel is not of sufficient interest 10 warrant
giving all the details; but this, from
Marks reply in the New York World, is
certainly enjoyable:
What 1 need, now that am going into
print, is text. These little things do not
furnish it. Why does the "captan" make
no mention of the highway robbery which
committed on the road between Jerusa-
lem and the Dead Scar He must have
heard Of 1.-THE land was full of it. Why
does he make no mention of the fact that
during the entire excursion never drew
sober breath except by proxyH Why does
he conceal the fact that l killed cripple in
Cairo because 1 thought he had an un-
pleasant gait? Why is he silent about my
skinning leper in Smyrna in order that
might have little something to start mu-
scum with when got homer What is the
use of making Charges out of a mans
few little virtuous actions when that man
has committed real indiscretions by the
dozen? But where is the use OF bothering
about what mans character was 10 years
ago, anyway Perhaps the captain values
his character of 10 years ago. l never have
heard of any reason why he should but
still he may possibly value it. No matter.
do not value my character of 10 years ago.
I can 90 out at any time and buy better
one for half il cost me. In truth, my char
acter was simply in course of construction
then. hadn't anything up but the scaf-
folding, so 10 speak. But L have finished
the edihce now and taken down that worm
eaten scaffolding. have finished my NOR
al edifce, aud frescoed and furnished it,
and am obliged to admit that it is one Of
the neatest and sweetest things of the kind
that have ever encountered. / greatly
value 1t and would feel like resenting any
damage done to it. But that old scatfold-
ing is no longer of any use to mel and in
asmuch as the "captaln" seems able to use
IL to advantage, hereby make him pres
ent oft. 1t is little shaky, Of course, but
If he will patch 1t here and there he will
fiud that il is still superior TO anything Of
the kind he can scare up upon his own
premises.
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23
Peter. Ride to the wedding.


COPIED FROM An ANCIENT READING DooK)
Peter would ride to the wedding-he would,
30 he IN ounted his ass; and his Wife,
She was to ride behind, IL she could.
u ,' .,"t 'no "vi,~u' ,1. 'Ne '"Ou'u
0"'"' N0' ''~u' '"''us" mt
"He's mighty convenient. the ass. my dear.
And proper, and safe-and now
You hold by the tail, while hold By the ear,
Auu We II ii.e W 'ne AifA IN 'iine' never lear
II 'no "i"u A"u 'He NeA'"sf Aiio"'
The wind and the weather were mot to he blamed
But the ass had adopted the rbim
That two At time was a load never framed
for tne DaeA Oh oneAss and ne seemed quite ashamed
Ihat TWO should stick last upon him.
&c ome. Dobbtp ~ ,.xs pster mr,rn ,bint,no vau
trot.r
.sI,o, tbinL,r, wo ,xor,, ~ ..r,.bo.
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23
PERSEVERE
In the use of this remedy until cured
1t contains the great healing ele-
ments of plants in their es-
sential form as obtain
ed by distillation.

Catarrh in its extent and destructive force, stands
neat to Consumption, and is closely allied to ii for
in certain constitutions the transition from to the
other is only question Of time. II is, therefore,
sngulaJ thing that those afflicted with 1t should not
make the object Of their lives to rid themselves of
1t. single bottle Of any remedy cannot in the
chronic stage, effect cure, bring the system
under its influence fully. In many such cases the
bones and cartilage Of the eaten away, the
organs Of hearing Of SEEING and Of tasting affected
as to be rendered useless the uvula elongated and
inhamed to produce a constant and distressing
cough. The return to health must necessarily be
slow, under the most favorable circumstances when
so seriously afflicted but the evidence OF its great
value daily comes to hand, we become more and more
satisfied that there does not exist Of CatArrh
that cannot be cured by judicious and persistent
use Of Sanford's Radical Cure for Catarrh. The
lief in every case obtained from the FIRST dose is an
indication Of what II will do when the system is
brought consttntionally under its influence.
SANFoRD's RADICAL CURE is sold by all Wholesale
and retail druggists throughout the United States.
Price 81.
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23
Manhood: How Lost, How Restored I

~ just published, new edition Of DR., Culver
wells celebrated essay on the radical cure with
out medicine) Of Spermatorrhea or Seminal
Weakness, Involuntary Seminal Losses, Impotency,
Mental aud Physical Incapacity Impediments to Mar
rAge etc. also, Consumption, Epilepsy and Fits in
dnced by selfndulgence or sexual eKtravAgance, &C.
~ Price In a sealed envelope. only six cents.
The celebrated author, in this admirable essay,
clearly demonstrates from thirty years successful
practice that the alarming consequences Of seabuse
may be radically cured without the dangerous use Of
internal medicine the application Of the knife;
pointing out mode OF cure at simple, certain
and ehectual, by means Of which every sufferer no
matter what his condition may be, may cure himself
cheaply, privately and radically.
pThis lecture should be in the hands of every
youth and every man In the land.
Sent under seal, in plain envelope to any address
postpaid receipt Of six cents post stamps
Address, THE COLVERWELL MEDICAL CO.,
a Ann st., Nov Kork; Post 0fhOe Boa AS6s.
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23
Miscellany.
In Early Spring.

In Early Spring.
The tiny snow-drifts melting fast,
The breath Of south wind floating past;
The crimson in the maple shoots.
The golden crocus at the roots;
The yellow on the willow wands,
The green Of grass along the ponds;
Tho swelling buds, the blue-birds note,
The dandelion on the moat;
The earthly color Of the stream,
The warmer flush OF sunrise gleam;
The dampness Of the upland mould,
The new life in the open void;
The song Of bird, the hum OF bee,
The dawn OF woodside melody;
The brighter glitter on the hills,
The rapid rush OF little rills;
The morning hoarfrost on the hedge,
The MONDAY drops upon the sedge;
The changing color on the vine,
The fresher hue Of mountain pine,
Are things that tell to eye and car
That summer days are drawing near.
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23
BRATTLEBORO
IS ustMtss Dtrkrtnrp.

Is ttSt1ItsS Dttfrtnr rp.
Name, business and Location ofthe leading
business Houses in BrdttiebOro.
D-cUT THIS OUT FoR REFEREScB.
Agricultural implements.
c. F. THOMPSON h CO, willston's Stone Block.
B. A. CLARK, Tylers Block
ROOkseIIers and StatiOners.
CHENEY & CLAPP, G Crosby Block.
=. G. EDWARDS, Van Doorns Block.
}. STEEN, opposite Brooks House.
ClOthiers.
PRATT, WRIGHT 4 CO., 8 Granite Row, Main st,
CHAs. ]. ROOT, Brooks House corner.
Carpets.
c. L. BROWN, Marshall h Esterbrook's block Main St.
HOUGHToN, SPENCER CO., 6 Granite Row.
o. ]. PRATT, Granite Block
]. RETTING SON, High St., next Brooks House.
Chamber Sets.
CT. BROWN Marshall h Esterbrooks s block Main st.
J. RETTING & SON, High St., next Brooks House.
Coal.
r. X. BARRowS, office with P. Barrows.
COmns and Caskets.
c. L. BROWN, Marshall Esterbrooks block, Main st.
Contractors and Builders.
J. A. CHURCH, Flat St.
CrOckery and Glass Ware.
FRANK G. HOWE, door north Main st. bridge.
n. T. VAN DooRN SON, Crosby Block.
Dentistry.
DIR. G. s. CLARK, over Pratt, Wright Co.'s store
Dining Rooms.
E. L. COOPER, door south o. J. Pratts store.
Doors, sash and Blinds.
b. A. CLARK, Tyler's Block.
C. +. THOMPSON CO.. Wilistons Stone Block.
Druggists.
wv. GREGG, Main Street, opposite High.
]. N. THORN CO., Crosby Block.
II. G. WILLARD 4 CO., Brooks House.
Dry Goods.
p BARRowS, Main St., opposite Brooks House.
HoUGHTON, SPENCER CO., Granite Row.
o. ], PRATT, Granite Block
d. ROSENBERG, Union Block.
Fertilizers.
C. F. THOMPSON Il CO., willistons Stone Block.
Furniture.
c. L. BROWN, Marshall h Esterbrook's block Main st.
]. RErTING son, High St., next Brooks House.
Groceries.
A. C. DAVENPORT, Crosby Block.
]. W. FROST CO., Crosby Block.
FRANK G. HOWE, door north Main st. bridge.
Q. L. PIPER, corner Canal and South Main SITS.
MARTIN SCOTT SON, Thompson Rangers Blk.
J. G. TAYLOR 4 CO., Brooks House.
c. F. THOMPSON CO., Williston's Stone Block.
Hardware, IrOn and Steel.
B. A. CLARK, Tyler's Block.
C. +. THOMPSON CO., williston's Stone Block.
Harness Makers.
HEUsTIs BURNAP, Main st.
Ice Cream Rooms.
E. L. COOPER, door south o. J. Prat's ttore.
Insurance Agents.
ALBERT BALDWIN, Thompson Rangers Block.
CUDWoRTH CHILDs, Room No. 10 Crosby Block.
b. X. JENNIE, Thompson Rangers Block.
MOODY HOWE, Savings Bank Block.
Jewellers.
RANGER THOMPSON, Granite Row.
Machinist.
L. H. CRANE Canal St
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23
CATARRH.
From George W. Shattuck, Esq, late
Foreign Entry Clerk, Boston
Custom House,

GshHsmsn- IL have been troubled with Catarrh for
several years, but by the Of your remedy IL has
been greatly relieved. This summer have been
trely free from it, l make Of 1t in my family for
colds in the head, and ind ii effectual remedy.
can confidently recommend 1t to all who similarly
afflicted. Very truly yours
October 20, 1874. GEO W. SHATTUCK.
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23
p A II H N rs =
r.. HI. EDDY,

No. 40 state 81, opposite ILIIby, Boston,
SECURES Patents in the United States; also in
- Great Britain, France and other foreign coun-
tries. Copies Of the claims Of any Patent furnished
by remitting one dollar. Assignments recorded at
Washington. No Agency in the United States possess
superior facilities for obtaining Patents or aseer-
taiRiny The pdfeRtdbIhfy Of intentions.
Il. II. EDDY, Solicitor Of Patents.
TEsTIMoEIALs.
II regard Mr.. Eddy one of the most capable and
successful practitioners with whom have had ofcial
intercourse" CHAS. MASON, Com'r Of Patents.
Inventors cannot employ person more trust
worthy capable OF securing for them early
and favorable consideration at the Patent once"
EDMUND BURKE late Com'r of Patents.
BOSTON, Oct. 10, 1870.
r, II. EDDY, Eso.-Dear Sir: You procured for me
IN 1910 my hrst patent. Since then you have acted
Tor and advised me In hundreds of cases, and pro-
cured many patents, reissues and extensions. have
occasionally employed the best agencies in New York.
philadelphia and Washington, but still give you al
most the whole Of my business, in your line and ad
wise others to employ you.
Yours truly, GEORGE DRAPER.
Boston, Jan. I, i67T,
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23
':'.' COLLINS
VOLTAIC PLASTERS
Affords the most grateful relief in all
affections of the Chest and Lungs.
CHRONIC PLEURISY CURED.

Messrs. WEEKS POTTER:
GenHemeH,-Having for many months past suffered
with a very lame side, called by my physician Chronic
Pleursy, caused by former injury aud strain, and
for which used many prescriptions aud liniments,
well the so-called rheumatic cures, without the
least benefit, my physician recommended one Of your
Collins Voltac Plasters, which, to my great surprise,
relieved the pain and soreness almost Immediately,
and have been able to attend to my household Af-
fairs since with perfect and comfort where
before the application of your invaluable plaster
scarcely able to do anything. consider them in
estinlhble and shall with pleasure recommend them
to the afflicted. Yours respectfully,
MRS. FRANCES HARTMAN.
orland, Me April 21, 1876
There is no medical protective appliance that
will prove grateful and effective in tickling Coughs
Irritation and Soreness Of the Chest and Lungs. We
believe them capable Of preventing serious diseases of
these organs.
Price, 25 cents. Sold by all druggists. Mailed on
receipt OF price, as cents for one for six S225
for twelve, carefully wrapped and warranted, by
WEEKS POTTER, Proprietors, Boston, Mass.
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23
CATARRH.
A Case of Six Years Standing, accom-
panied by distressing symptoms,
cured by the use of two
bottles of
SANFORD'S RADICAL CURE.

Messrs. WEEKS POTTER:
Gentlemen, Please allow me to testify to the great
merits Of Sanfords Radical Cure for Catarrh. For
siK years have suffered greatly, particularly while
troubled with eSld. The accumulation Of mucus in
my head and throat kept me constantly hawking and
splitting, rendering my presence in company extreme
ly embarrassing to myself and friends. Six months
ago was induced to try Sanfords Radical Cure. A.
ter using two bottles find myself nearly, II not quite,
permanently cured. have since recommended over
one hundred titles with the greatest success
Respectfully yours,
VIM. w ARMSTRONG.
December Is, 1874. l5s Harris breyiou Oston.
Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-03-23

Name, business and Location ofthe leading
Business Houses in Brdttleboro.
sD CUT THIS OUT ron REFERENCE.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1877-01-18
Science and the Farmers.

Science is one of the farmers most
valuable servants. He need not expect
to manage his farm profitably, unless he
takes her advice. Just now she is doing
considerable detective business for the
farmer. Within the last ten years, the
trade in fertilizers, or artificial manures,
has become very extensive. While the
bulk of fertilizers is good, yet there is
much fraud in many of the articles Of
fered for sale. To protect the farmer
from the fraudulent is the detective
work of chemical analysis. 1t shows
him exactly of what materials the fer
tilizer is composed.
In the State of Connecticut, fertil-
izer was sold for fifty-five dollars per
ton. 1t was analyzed at the State Ex-
pertinent Station, and proved to be nearly
one-half sand, and to have the COM
mercial value of eight dollars per ton.
On learning what the detective" said
about IL, several parties who had pur-
chased the article refused payment. This
little detective business saved consider
able sum of money to the farmers who
had been defrauded.
In Saxony, a similar detective busi-
ness is carried on to detect false or inju-
rious seeds. At the seed-control sta
tions" numerous and ingenious adultera-
tions have been discovered in the coma
mon seeds sold to farmers. Among them
have been detected old seeds that have
lost their power of terminating, seeds OF
useless or injurious plants, and even
pieces of quartz rock, ground, sifted and
colored, to initiate genuine seeds.
So useful have these seed-control
stations" been found, thatsthey have
been either founded or projected in Den.
mark, Austria, Hungary, Holland, Bel
gium, Italy and Germany.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1877-01-18
Portrait Painter.

Sam Pm painter now.
Oh, Julius, Pm glad to hear of it; it
doesn't take you long to learn profes-
sion. Have you painted any great por-
trait yet?
Yes. painted that of old Mrs. Grim
sey; / was to get ten dollars for it.
iiWell, did you get it, Julius?
No, she said she wouldn't pay me.
No!-Why not?
She said de picture wasn't like her !;
an all her friends said so, too.
Well, what did you do about it?
One day she called at my studio, an l
said; "Mrs. Grimsey, you say de picture
is no likeness?'
"Yes," she said; "my frens say 50
too, pa little angry, you know-see so
l went on; sez l.: =" Mrs. Grimsey. you've
got little dog, haven't your Size said,
Yes, she had little dog" We'll,
now," says l, "Mrs. Grimsey, hab sub
mitted de picture to all your friends, and
dey say it's no likeness; but I'll place
de picture in part ob de room desig-
mated by yerself, yer dog dat yer say is
SO mighty cunnin' shall be brought in,
and ifhe recognizes your likeness you shall
pay me my p1lce IL ne does not know
the likeness, why, won't ask cent. is
that fair ?"
She said it was; an mex morning was
named for the trial accordingly,
posted up to de house wild my chef D.
ober, as we say in French, Sam, and all
Mrs. Grimsey's friends collected an
filled dc spacious departments, all con.
nected by folding. doors; so set de pic.
ture on the floor, leaning-wise against
the wall, and called for de canine species
to be brought in.
And was he let loose?
Yes, he was, an bounded into the
room, saw the picture, went toward it
and
Well, what?
Licked it all ober,-all the time wag
GIN his tail.
Well, what then occurred?
De people all held their breafs in 81
lent astonishment, see?
Then your triumph was complete
Julius. Did you get your money! Yo'
must have made good likeness
Well-Sam de-likeness-wasn't 81
berry good butt had put thin Goa
OBJ hogs lard on the picture, de nigh
afore. an dat's what de dog licked, Sam
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1877-01-18
Discovery OF GAS.

Great was the amaZemcnt of all En-
gland when, at the clOse of the last cell
tury, William Murdoch discovered the
use of ccmbustible air, or gas. So little
was the invention undeIsto d and be-
lieved in by those who had seen it in use,
that even great and wise men laughed at
the idea. How could there be light
without wick I' said member of Par
lament when the subject was brought
before the house. Even Sir Humphrey
Davy ridiculed the idea OF lighting
towns with gas, and asked one OF the pro-
jectors if they meant to take the dome OF
st. PauPs as a gas meter. Sir walter
Scott, too, made himself merry over the
idea of illuminating London by smoke;
though he was glad enough. not so long
after, to make his own house at Abbots-
ford light and cheerful on winter nights
by the use of that very smoke. When
the House of Commons was lighted by
gas, the architect imagined that the gas
ran ON fire through the pipes, and he
therefore insisted on their being placed
several inches from the wall, for fear of
the building taking fire the members
might be observed carefully touching the
pipes with their gloved hands, and wan
deiring they did not feel warm. The first
shop lighted by the new method was Mr..
Ackerman's, of the Strand. in 1910; and
one lady of rank was so delighted with
the brilliancy of the gas lamp on the
| counter that she asked to be allowed to
take it home in her carriage. Mr.. Muir
doch was, however, too busy with his
other pursuits to study the use of gas,
and though he was undoubtedly the first
to apply it to practical purpose, many
others laid claim to the honor, and other
people quickly reaped the benefit of his
cleverness and ingenuity. In this he
shared the general fate of inventors.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1877-01-18
The Centennial Liar.

Old Mrs. Robertson, VINO had been t,
the Centennial, struck in on old Pettin
gill last week with talk about that ex
hibitiOn of national prosperity. Sh,
told him all about what she had seen
and then what each one of her party
had seen. After asking about the butter
woman and hundred wonderful thing,
that Pettingill had to say he didn't see
the old lady asked with much interest
"Well, what did you seeT
81 saw, said Mr.. PettiDgill, looking
at her intently, 81 saw an ice-cresn
horse, life size, galloping around the
track"
"Oh, Mr.. Pettingill, said the old
lady;
1t was wonderful that you didn't see it
but then they took it back to freeze il
hard every five minutes, so you may have
missed it,"
ooh, Mr.. Pettingill"
eyes, madam, and saw the lard eagle
of which you have spoken, and heard il
scream-a wild scream of agony like q
bird that had been talked to death about
the Centennial. As left the grounds
Friday evening, it scared up and flew of
to Cincinnati"
"Oh, Mr.. Pettingillp
eyes, madam, and saw the carriage
George Washington rode in, and three
queens and jack that he showed under
the seat when he sat outside of the
church playing draw poker, and Mrs.
Washington lighted in on him earlier
than he expected from short sermon
and / saw handful of his hair that
Mrs. w. took out that identical Sabbath
morning."
"Oo.h-h, Mr.. Pettingill"
eyes, madam, and l saw the quilt
worked by Queen Victoria and the
Princess Beatrice and all the other
Princesses, and l counted the nineteen
billion, four hundred and sixty-five
stitches in it, while was standing
there"
"Oh, Mr.. Pettingillr"
eyes, madam, and saw the silk-mak-
ing machine, where you put in a silk
worm at one end and it comes out at the
other a full.blown silk dress, ready
made. with live humming bird in the
back"
"Oh, Mr.. Pettingill, wait till go and
call Emily to come and hear all aboutit,"
and the old lady hurried out.
81 won't be here when she comes
back" said Mr.. Pettingill, taking up his
hat in hurry, "and so sho may not
hear all about it. 1 am determined
when am telling about this Centennial
business to tell the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth, so
help me Bob"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1877-01-18

The old court-house at Racine, Wis
consin, was sold at auction, on Decem-
ber 10, for thirty dollars. The Milwau-
kee Sentinel gives this extract from the
auctioneers speech: "To an antiquarian,
fond of reveling in the musty past, this
venerable pile is worth half fortune.
These ceilings have reverberated 70 the
eloquence of great and noble men; VI
those who have stood conspicuous within
its portals many are dead, some have ad-
yanced 10 great wealth and fame; some,
ala. are in Congress, and goodly num-
her are in State Prison. How much am
I offered for this buildingT There was
only one bid. Nick Miller offered thirty
dollars for it. Nobody else wanted it.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1877-01-18
Ostrich Farming.

The taste for ostrich feathers, like the
taste for gold and diamonds. would ap-
pear to be instructive .and universal, is
displayed by the savage in Africa or
Australia, as we'll as by the fine lady in
Paris, and is gratified at an expense
which we recommend to the attention Of
the next economist who discourses on the
costliness of philanthropic work or scien-
tific inquiry. We thought we knew
something of the statistics of luxury ;
but we confess to sensation of surprise
at finding that besides certain quantities
exported from the Argentine Republic
and some other places, the export OF
ostrich feathers from Egypt, the Cape,
Barbary, Mogador, and Senegal reaches
the astonishing sum of COOS, 900.