The Wichita city eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1872-1883, 1877-03-08
For the Eagle.
Blessed Singleness.


Ed. EAGLE Single Dlessedness is oil his
foot and he won't get back on until he get
one Of us Attics girls. He says we are all
wanting to marry. That is very true, and so
does Single Blsssedness il he only had the
brass to ask an Attic girl to share his lot (cor-
ner lot.) l will venture the assertion that
Single BIessedness would turn deadly pale il
fair sex. And he again says, our wanting to
marry is excuse enough for our throwing a
bombshell into tho bachelor camp. But our
bompshelI has SO reused them up from their
lethargy that they have fresh courage, and
now, on Sunday evening you can see them on
their pig pens, brushing their hair with
horse brush, olling it with lard, and coloring
their mustache with stove backing.
And now will give you short descrip-
ton of the way they conduct themselves on
Sunday afternoon when going to see an Attica
girl. l write from personal experience: Mr..
Bach comes to the door and knocks. The
door is opened and Mr. Bach looks as though
he had been chased around the south pole by
a tiger-his face as red as beet; his blood
rushes through his veins and arteries like
water rushing through the hose of steam
engine, and his heart sounds like hydraulic
ram in high water, and US he takes his hat of
his greasy head, he resembles creased mon
seated by the warm fire, and answering innu-
merable quertions that were put to him, he
thought it high time that he was doing some
thing else than answer questions. He pro-
ceeded to the mante-piecc, he reaches for a
book that is lying there, knocks off an ink
stand On to the floor, splitting the ink all over
the new carpet, then out comes his colored
bandanna and he wipes it up. Dinner being
ready, we adjourned to the dining-room.
Soup was the first course. Poor old Mr.. Bach
happened to set his plate too near the edge OF
The table and in making his bow he tumbled
the whole scalding contents into hi. lap. /
will not attempt to mention the several other
btunders this Mr.. Bach nude during the first
course After the second course had been
passed around, MIR. Bach happened to have a
nice, rich and overwhelmingly hot piece OF
pudding on his fork, just as l wanted the salt,
and he thrust the pudding into his mouth.
1t was impossible for him to conceal his agony
his eyes were starting from their sockets, and
in spite OF the giggiing and snickerins among
The children, he dropped the contents OF his
torment on his plate. knowing that poor Mr..
Bach was badly burned, recommended Ssme
brandy 10 take the fire out, and which was
readily produced, and poor Mr.. Bach emptied
he contents int his mouth. No sooner had
he done this than he ciasped his hand over
he organ that masticates the food, and the
brandy spirited in every direction. over dishes
md into my face. Then to clear himself OF
he perspiration that was now coursing down
ais face, he wiped himself with that Inflated
that was still wet from the con-
sequence of the fall of the ink bottle, leaving
'tseaks of ink in every direction on his beam
ng countenance. When rising from the table |
ne took to his pig sly to while away the hours
" single blessedness, while myself and the
amly rolled on the floor in fits of laughter. |
ATTICA GIRLS.