Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1877-01-23
sTAUNToN sPECTAToR AND GENERAL ADYER

that brown and black were the ugliest
of all contrasts, Immediately ordered
the blue to be replaced by brown face
trimmings.
My husband, absorbed in the prepara-
ton of his "lecture" thought no more of
the bonnet. The day we started we were
behind time, and-we barely caught the
train, so that the full effect of my ap-
pearance did not dawn upon his astonish-
ed gaze, until the cars were fairly under
way. To make matters worse, I had
mounted fur jacket, which had also
purchased at bargain; and this jacket
being clumsily put together, and much
too large for me, gave me an appearance
decidedly bearish.
My husband viewed me with astonish-
ment, and said, in an intense whisper,
''That bonnet! Where did you get it p
Were it not for all these people, 1 would
pitch it out of the car window. And as
for that jacket -" Here words failed
him.
Of course, as usual, | was angry, for
getting that my husbands aesthetic
sense made him suffer keenly, whenever
his eye rested upon me.
4 We reached our destination at last
All the professors were $50 delighted
to meet my husband, ETC., etc. But !
could not but see that they eyed me
; better-half, "What part of England die
> your wife come from? ' They could moi
understand how an American lady coulG
: make such an "object" of herself
The eventfnl evening came, and all my
wifely pride was aroused. OF course
secured prominent place in ths audi
ence, selecting one where my husband
could not fail to see me. There was {
large and intellectual assemblage, anC
my husband did remarkably well, a
least at the commencement. But sud
denly his gaze fell full upon me. HI
. began to stammer and stutter. In vair
he strove to avert his gaze. A dreadfu
, fascination held him. He could not re
! cover himself, end made failure of wha
ought to have been, and would other
wise have been, the most learned Lecture
y of the season.
J AS the audience slowly moved out,
E had the modification of hearing one say
q to the other, "What was the matter will
' the man? A truly remarkable lectur
o spoiled in the delivery"
!, And then, to cap the climax, heart
q one of the professors, elegant in his even
: ing toilet, declare to the lady beside him
+ III u VeneInGHt uuUertOue, HOW Cal
= you wonder? If had such shabb,
. looking woman for wife and saw he
g sitting so conspicuously staring me GU
. of countenance, 1 should have faile'
y too"
q My husband afterward confessed t.
= me, that the lawful bonnet' was tn
~ cause of it all. He told melt had pursu
: ed him like nightmare, from the mo
: ment he first beheld it, and as soon as b
II saw it in the lecture room, it had con
" fused his utterance, and tripped him u
~ all the way through his lecture.
: Since that fortunate evening-as
- now regard it, am changed woman
q buy no more bargains" If my ca
q offends my Petruchio, I abolish it.
" study the laws of good taste-very neal
n ~ akin to those Of good sense. sc
:. honest opinions from trustworth
4 friends. try to dress well, for l realiz
q its importance. In short, hope the da
Z will presently come, when my husband
: who has long ceased to speak of me q
such, will no longer have occasion eve
;, n to think of me as, "MY SHABBY WIFE.