Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1877-06-21

HE GRANDPA.-Ih grandpa IL an lndl-
vidual aged somewhere between fifty and one
hundred years, and il common occurrence
in most well.regulsted familys.
Next to healthy mother.in-law, they have
more biziness on hand than emmy other party
in the household.
They are the standard authority on all
leading topicks, and what they don't know
about what happened sixty-6ve years ago, or
what will happen for the next three years to
come, is damage for everybody to kno.
Grandpas are not entirely useless they are
handy to hold babies and feed pigs, and are
very smart at mending broken broom han
die or putting up the clothes.line on washing
days.
I have seen grandpas that churn good, but
konsider it mighty mean trick to set an
old man over eighty years to churning butter
am grandpa myself, but won't churn
for no concern, not if understand myself
am willing to rock the baby while VIM
men folks are billing soap; I am ready to kut
rags to work into rag carpet; they can keep
me hunting hens eggs, or picking green kur.
rants; or I'll even dip HANDLES or kore ap-
pies for sass but won't churn.
I have examined myself on the subject;
and I'll bet a jacknife that Josh Billings
won't churn.
Grandpas are poor help at bringing up
children; they are full of precept and kate
kism, but the young ones seem to understand
that grandpa minds them heap more than
they mind grand pa.-Josh Billings.
SHARP PRAcTIcE.-Some time during last
year, young sprig of the law was admitted
to the New York bar. His father, q prudent
old man, gave him hundred dollars to pur-
chase library of books, and told him that
was all be could do for him at that time, but
that by industry, prudence and immediate en-
forcement Of payment Of all sums of money
that might be his, he had no doubt that he
might get along. A few days after, the old
man dropped into Johns Office, and borrowed
fifteen dollars of the money he had given him,
promising to pay it by twelve o'clock next
day. call right, dad" said John; "give me
your memorandum" The next day at twelve
pa did not appear; and John Immediately
served writ upon him, and put bailiff in
his house, just as the old man was sitting down
to dinner.
h6r She had just returned from visit to
married couple, and as she threw her hat on
the sofa, she turned up her nose, put on look
of disgust, and said, "If there is anything on
this earth that is hateful, it is to see married
people kissing and hugging and gushing be-
fore folks"
Her little brother crawled out from under
the sofa, where he had been hunting stray
marble, and, addressing his sister, said: "You
and George is all the time kissing each other
before me; but you isn't married yet, and
then suppose I'm too small to be folks"
That little boy told another boy next NOR
ming that it wasn't always sign when your
ear burned, that somebody was talking about
you.
pG- There is story of two Irishmen who
bought little barrel of whisky in partner
ship to trade with on the Derby day. They
agreed that neither should drink without
paying. On the way one drank glass and
paid his partner threepence. The other then
had glass and returned the threepence.
They kept up this alienation until, when
they reached the Downs, the whisky vas all
gone, and they had honestly paid for every
drink, and were bewildered to find that they
had only threepence between them.
-
p6% A schoolmaster tells the following sto
ry: II was teaching in quiet country vii
lage in the central part of New York State
The second morning of my session, l had
leisure to survey my surroundings. Amidst
the scanty furniture espied three legged
STOOL Is that the Ounce block ? l asked a
little girl of five. The dark eyes sparkled,
she nodded assent, and the lips rippled out,
I suppose so, the teacher always sits on it. ,
The stool was unoccupied that term.''
"What do you mean by humbugging,
MADAME" asked a homely barrister of a lady
whom he was cross. examining. II don't know
as can exactly say, sir ]; but if lady was to