The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1877-11-08
MisrfAaneoas.
MARK TWAlN'S LATEST.
How an Irreyerent Old Salt Inter-
preted the Story Of Elijah and
the Prophets Of Baal,
Samuel L. Clemens in the Atlantic for NOvem'


One trip the captain had clergyman
on board but did not know he was cler'
gyman, since the passenger list did not
betray the fact. He took great liking
to this Rev. Mr. Peters, and talked with
him great deal; told him yarns, gave
him toothsome scraps of personal history,
and woVe glittering streak of profanity
through his garrulous fabric that was re-
freshing to a spirit weary of the dull neu-
tralities of undecorated speech. One day
the captain said, "Peters, do you ever
read the BibleP"
"Well-yes."
"I Judge it aint often, by the wsy you
say it. Now, you tackle it in dead earnest
once, and you'll find it'll pay. Don't you
get discouraged, but hang right on. First
you won't understand it, but by and by
things will begin to clear up, and then
you wouldn't lay it down to eat"
eyes l have heard that said"
"And it's 30 too. There amt book
that begins with it 1t lays over 'em all,
Peters. There's some pretty tough things
in it--there amt any getting around that
but you stick to them and think them
out, and when once you get on the inside
everything is as plain as day.
"The miracles, too, captainP"
eyes sir! The miracles, too, Every
one of them, Now, there's that business
with the prophets of Baal; like enough
that stumped your"
"Well, / don't know butt
"0wn up, now; it stumped you, Well,
/ don't wonder. You hadn't any expert
ence in rayeling such things outand nat
urally it was too many for you. Would
you like to have me explain that thing
to you, and show you how to get at the
meat of these mattersP"
"Indeed, l would, captain. if you don't
mind"
Then the captain proceeded as follows;
"I'll do it with with pleasure. First, you
see, read and read, and thought and
thought, till l got to understand what
sort Of people they were in the old Bible
times, and then after that it was all clear
and easy. Now, this was the way put
it up concerning Isaac and the prophets
of Baal. There were some mighty sharp
men amongst the public characters of
that old ancient day, and Isaac was one
of them. Isaac had his failings-plenty
of them too; it aint for me to apologize
for Isaac; he played it on the prophets of
Baal, and like enough he was justiiable,
considering the odds that was against
him. No, all Iaay is, 'twa'nt any miracle,
and that I'll show you so 3 It you can see
it yourself.
Well, times had been getting rougher
and rougher for prophets-thatis, proph.
cts of Isaacs denomination. There was
450 prophets of Baal in the community,
and only one Presbyterian; thatis,i if Isaac
WAS q Pr sbyterian, which Ireckon he was
but it don't say. Naturally, the prophets
of Baal took all the trade. Isaac was
pretty low spirited, l reckon, but he was
good deal of man, and no doubt he
went prophesying around, letting on to
be doing land office business, but t want
any use; he couldn't run any opposition
to amount to anything. By and by things
got desperate with him; he sets his head
to work and thinks it all out, and then
what does he doP Why, he begins to
throw out hints the other parties are this
and that and other, nothing was definite,
may be, but just kind of undermining
their reputation in a quiet way. This
made talk, of course, and finally got to
the king. The king asked Isaac what he
meant by his talk. Says Isaac, "Oh,
nothing particular; only can they pray
down fire from heaven on an altar2 1t
amt much, may be, your majesty, only
can they do itP That's the idea" So the
king was good deal disturbed, and he
went to the prophets of Baal, and they
said very airy, that if he had an altar
ready, they were ready; and they intima-
ted he better get it insured too.
$50 the next morning all the children
of Israel and their parents, and the other
people, gathered themselves together.
Well, here was that great crowd Of proph-
cts of Baal on one side and Isaac walking
up and down all alone on the other, put.
ting up his job. When time was called
Isaac let on to be comfortable and indif-
ferent; told the other team to take the
frstinnings. So they went at 1.-THE whole
450, praying around the alter, very hope
full and doing their level best They pray
ed an hour-two hours-three hours
and 30 on, plumb till noon. 1t wasn't any
use; they hadn't took trick. Of course
they felt kind ofashamed before all those
people, and well they might, Now,what
would a magnanimous man doP Keep
still, wouldn't her Ofcourse. What did
Isaac do2 He graveed the prophets OF
BaaI every way he could think OF. Says he
"You don'tspea loud enough; your gods
asleep, like enough, or may be he's taking
walk, you want to holler, you know--or
words to that effect; don't recollect the
exact language. Mind, l don't apologize
for Isaac; He had his faults.
swell, the prophets of Baal prayed
along the best they knew how all the
afternoon, and never raised spark. AT
last,about sundown. they were all tucker
ed out, and they owned up and quit.
"What does Isaac do now? He steps
up and says to some friends of his there,
"Pour four barrels of water on the alter!''
Everybody was astonished, for the other
side bad prayed at it dry you know, and
whitewashed. They poured it on. Says
he. "Heave on four more barrels" Then
he says "Heave on four more" Twelve
barrels, you see, altogether. The water
ran all over the altar, and all down the
sides,and filed up q trench around it that
would hold couple of hogsheads-meas
ures' it SAYS; l reckon it means about a
hogshead. Some of the people were 60
ing to put on their things and go,for they
allowed he was crazy. They didn't know
Isaac. Isaac knelt down AID began to
pray; be strung along and strung along,
about the heathen ip distant lands, and
about the sister churches, and about the
state and the country at large, and about
those that's in authority in the govern
ment, and all the usual programme, you
know, till everybody had got tired and
gone to thinking about something else,
and then, all of sudden, he out with a
match and strikes it on the under side OF
his leffand off up the whole thing blazes
like house afrel Twelve barrels of wa
ter2 Petroleum, sir, petroleum. that's
what it wasl"
petroleum, CaptainP"
eyes, sir, the country was full of it..
Isaac knew all about that. You read the