The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-06-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

MAID of money-A young heiress.
BoRERs for oil are called well-wishers.
UNPLEASANT flowers of spring trade
The croakers.
HYMN for hungry manifold the
fork, fry ham coming.
NATURAL selection-Taking the larg-
est apple on the plate.
WHAT is the only pane which every
one makes light A window pane.
The gnave-digger, we learn from the
Buffalo EGpress, is the king of spades.
HENRY CLAY DEAN doesn't sympathize
with Russia. He says be is no Gar
Dean.
IT was said Of q. great smoker that he
seemed to count that minute lost that he
had not cigar in his mouth.
A NoRRIsTowN man, when asked why
he called his dog "Rome," said it was
because Rome howled-all night.
81. r. CROSSE, Grocer, Groceries, :"
is the positive, comparative and super
lative style of Boston storekeeper's
sign.
If those Bashi- Bazouks were sent to
seat up" the disaffected Cretans,
wouldn't they be horrible Crete
chewers %
sfDoN'T leave your old tobacco-quids
where the innocent little children will
mistake them for chestnuts," reads sign
on hotel in Maine.
A New BEDFORD teacher asked his
class to explain the difference between
"dear" and "deer." "One is biped,
and the other is a quadruped."
A SOLDIER, who had had his cheek
shot away in an engagement, remarked
to comrade that he would like a glass
of water, but he hadn't the face to ask
for it.
A MERCHANT asked his Sabbath-school
class the other Sunday, "What is soil
tude ?" and was answered by boy that
reads the papers, "The store that don't
advertise"
IRISH boatman Ito timid Teuton):
"Och, niver mind what they've been
telling We about the boat. She do cap
size aisy, it's true, but that's nothing !;
she rights herself again in jiffy."
A BOY, years of age, having stolen
can of milk, his mother took him to task
with moral suasion, and wound up her
discourse by exclaiming, "What in the
world were you going to do with the
milk ?" GO was going to steal dog to
drink it.
eco AWAY; you're too heavy to hold
on my knee" said a cross young man to
his sweetheart's little brother. "Me
too heavy p exclaimed the child; "why,
I amt near SO heavy as Eliza, and you
hold her on your knee easy enough p
Eliza also then told him to go away.
STUMBLING into his room, he sat down
on the edge of the bed and soliloquized
thus "Fee' wet, tight boots, a sore on
one ham, an felon on t'other, and no
boot-jack in the house. Sings got to be
different. Either I mus get married,
else get a boot-jack-wishall do?"
A SAN FRANCISCO clergyman was OBJ
served chasing street-car. Somebody
cried, "Stop thief !" and dozen men,
headed by a policeman, followed and
captured him. A prominent parish
ioner explained matters, and the dis
gusted parson didn't wait for the next
CAR.
BURLINGTON HAwK-EYE DOTS.
A PARIS man swallowed his spectacles
the other day. A startling instance of
taking glass too much.
The Bashi- Bazouks ride with such
short stirrups they can wipe their noses
on their knees without bending over.
ALEXANDER STEPHENS is still improv-
ing in health. He weighs thirty-four
pounds, and has to paste his clothes to
his body with waters to keep from falling
through them.
A H1GH-soHoo1 boy sat down at the
clearinghouse table and collared a
fiery, untamed joint of spring-chicken.
Straight he began" Bones, bone-gnaw,
bone-n' yum, yum, yum"
Mr.. F1TzHUGH, of Texas, an eminent
Democratic statesman, hearing of the
fuss they are making over his late rival,
has packed his valise and announced
that he is going to England himself.