Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1877-04-25

.
Bismarck has died.
Most men love little women, nnd
by strange reciprocity, little wo-
men love most men.
During church wedding the aver
age New York usher appears to
weigh at least 1000 pounds to the
square inch.
Shad gre now going up the New
England rivers. But they have an
awful time lodging the loose mill
dams.-Nev York Graphic.
Dresses are to be tied back tighter
than ever. If husband kicks his
wife on the shin, the bruise will be
plain to the public cye.-Detron Free
Press.
Why is it that when a woman falls
down stairs she screams out at every
bump, while man holds his breath
till he gets to the bottom?-Detroit
Free Press.
The time seems to be coming when
we will have to hire few potatoes
from the grocery to ornament the Ia
bic on company occasions.-Easton
Free Press.
A Newark IN. J.) policeman got
himself "sent up" for thirty days, to
help him break off drinking. Some
people who are not policemen might
profitably follow suit.
Wagner, the composer, is in debt
about $4,000, and is thought much
OF the emusic of the future" will be
made by his creditors who hold his
mote" on "timc."-Norrist0,on Her.
aid.
A Patterson On. j. boy was riding
on his fathers back, when the latter
suggested that it was q rather elevat-
cd railroad. eyes, pa" said the
youngster, "I'm riding on dummy"
Toledo Blade.
When a man can't find anything
about the house he should always
look in his collar box. That is where
a wife is sure to put everything from
last winters furs to O stove-lifter.
How we pity the young minister
who got his lips and teeth and tongue
SO inextricably twisted with embar-
rassment that he gave out his text,
"Do men gather thOrps of grains or
thigs of fittles."
It is said that the reason why De-
troit woman got off street car with
out ringing the bell was because she
saw her husband walking with q
good-looking widow, and she hadn't
time for ceremonies.
A house in Bellairc, Ohio, has this
legend on the gatepost: "Nineteen
agents have called here this morning !;
we always shoot the twentieth" No
agent has touched the bellknob since
the placard was posted.
So many hotel clerks have gone
into bankruptcy in Philadelphia since
the close of the Centennial that
very fine cluster diamond pin can be
had there from fifteen cents down.
Half the fools in the United States
think they can beat the doctors at
curing the sick; two-thirds of them
are sure they can beat the ministers
the Gospel, and all of them
know they can beat the editors run
ming the papers.-Rome Sentinel.
This from the staid and dignifled
Commercial: 'The
young onion has made its appearance
in market, but 1t has been jerked out
of bed SO suddenly that it takes thir-
teen of them to make mans breath
smell strong enough to brighten off a
girl"
If tho Neacs of Danbury is to be
believed, the following colloquy took
place, last week: "Do you think your
father is going to move out soon 2"
inquired the owner of rented house |
If q SON of his tenant. "Reckon so,"
was the reply. "We've begun using |
he winder frames for firewood."
Tweed Processes to have experience
I'd a change of heart. When refu-
zee, nearing the coast of Spain, this
8 one of the entries he made in his
liary: aFinished reading the Bible
'ntirely through to-day. This is the
lew Bible ! bought last April" Man
8 great hand to take to religion
'fter he has failed in everything else.
In the Circuit Court for Garrett
county, Nd, recently, during the
rial of suit, q lawyer said TO the
;ourt: eve have some prayers to of
er before the case goes to the jury"
An old lady present said to her hus-
BAND in whisper, which was over
heard by several lawyers, "Jonas,
.hey'il call on you to pray, sure, for
lhere's no one else here that can do |