Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-08-09

In graveyard near Paris there is this
inscription upon monument "Here
reposes in peace, otter si1ty gears of mar
red life, M and Mrs -
That's very singular" said vouno
lady to a gentleman, who had just kissed
her "Oh well, my dear miss, will
soon make it plural
The young man who cast his eyes on
a lady coming out of church, has had
them replaced by going to the altar with
her, and now sees as well as ever
Serenade: Home, sweet home, dab
aim no place like home" Colored lady
at the window: We'll, you Jest better
git along home or I'll frow somfn."
Young lady, (who is tired of his COM
pany. You amt Il bit nervous, are
you, Mr.. Post? All my gentlemen ac-
qualntance start when it strikes twelve"
A little boy, disputing with his sister
On some subject, exclaimed Its true.
for ma says so and if ma saws so, it is
so, even if it amt so !"
Probably one of the most trying times
in mans life is when he introduces his
second wife, seventeen years old, to his
eldest daughter, who is past twenty.
/ A bashful young clergyman recently
rising to preach for the first time, an
nounced his text in this wise: And
immediately the cock wept, and Peter
went out and crew bitterly"
A father of three sons and five daugh-
tiers was asked what family he had. The
answer was, have three sons, and
they have each five sisters" Mercy
replied the interrogation such fami-
lyw
A girl worked the motto, Il need thee
every hour" and presented it to her
chap. He says he can't help it it takes
him two hours to milk and feed the pigs.
morning and night, and business has cot
to be attended to.
They were talking of death. when
one man asked: What were his last
words?'' He didn't say anything" was
the reply. THAT'S just like him." said
the first man, with an approving nod
There was no gas about him. He was.
all business"
I'm afraid you'll be late at the
party" said an old lady to her stylish
granddaughter, who replied, Oh, you
dear grandmother, don't you know
that in our fashionable set nobody
ever goes to a party till everybody gets
there ?"
A young fellow offered to bet the
principal of female seminary, who
was always Boosting of the proficiency
OF her pupils in grammer, that not one
of them would decline noun he could
name, and he named the insignificant
noun, husband.
A dandy of twenty-six having been
termed an cold bachelor" appealed to-
an elderly gentleman to decide whether
he should be called old or not, giving
derby gentleman q 1t is owing to how
you take it. Now, for man, it IS young
enough but, for goose, it is rather
old"
The unhappy Kentuckian who bet or
: every race during the week and lost
every time, illustrates the freaks of for
tune in this respect. He had Just fifty
dollars left, and in sheer desperation
cried out in the crowd that assembled
at the hotel, after the races "I'll bet
fifty dollars [ can name two men in this.
crowd who have twenty-three fingers. ,"
: When the bet was taken, this child of
fate continued "Anybody'll do. Here,
my friend, I'll take you. l have thirteen
fingers and you have ten that makes
tWenty-three. l knew there was one bet
[ could not lose" The stranger gazed at
him moment with o pitying expression,
and then said: "Well, I'm sorry for
you. You have struck hard streak of
luck. L had three fingers shot & at
Chicamauga p
On one occasion Daniel Webster was
on his way to his duties at Washington.
He was compelled to proceed at night.
by stage from Baltimore. He had no
travelling companion, and the driver had
a sort of felon-look which produced no
inconsiderabie alarm in the Senator. a
endeavored to tranquilize myself" said
Webster, and had partly succeeded,
when we reached the dark woods be-
tween Bladenburg and Westinghouse
proper scene for murder and outrage
and here, [ confess, my courage ago.n
deserted me. Just then the driver turned
to me, and, with gruff voice, inquired
my name. | gave it to him. Where
are you going? said he. The reply
was, To Washington. | am a SENATOR
Upon this the driver seized me fervently
by the hand, and exclaimed: How
glad [ am / have beed trembling in
my seat for the last hour, for when /
looked at you | took you to be a high
wayman ?"