The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-12-01
BUDGET OF FUN.
The Romance of A sleeping Car

ne hOmanC0 Oh ~ SAeeF'-'o -
1t was In the Cedar Ragids sleeper, ON
side, it was dark as the inside OF an INK pottl'
In the sleeping car, people slept
Or tried it.
Some of them slept, like Christian men AM
women. Peacefully and sweetly and quietly
Others slept like demons, Indignantly, hid
eously, fiendishly, as though it was their mis-
zion to keep everybody else awake.
OF these, the man in lower number three wa
the "boss." When it came to fair snore will
variations, you wanted to count CLOVER three
in. With a full hand and a pocket full o
rocks.
We never heard anything snore like him
II was the most systematic snoring that was
ever done, even on one of those tournaments o.
snoring, IA sleeping car. He didn't begin a.
soon as the lamps were turned down and every
body was in bed Oh, no. There was more
cold-blooded diabolism in his system thar
that. He waited until everybody had had &
little taste of sleep, just to see how good and
pleasant it was, and then he broke in on theil
slumbers like winged, breathing demon, ant
they never knew what peace was again tina
night
He started out with terrific
"Gn-rr-rtw
That opened every eye in the car. We all
hoped il was an accident, however, and trust
ing that he wouldn't do it again, we all Tor
gave him. Then he blasted our hopes ano
curdled the sweet serenity OF our forgiveness
by long drawn
"Gw.ah-h-h-hah! !"
That sounded too much like business to be
accidental. Then every head on that sleepless
sleeper was held off the pillow for minute
waiting, in breathless suspense to hear the
worst and the sleeper In"lower three went on
in longdrawn, regular cadences that indicated
good staying qualities.
"Gwaaah! Gwaa-a.h! Gahwahwah Cab
wahwah Gahwa-a-a-ah!
Evidently it was going to last all night
and the weary heads dropped back on the
sleepless pillows and the swearing began. II
mumbled along in low, muttering tones, like
the distant echoes of Il protanc thunder storm
Pretty soon slower three" gave us little vari.
alton. He shot off spitetul
"Gwock!'
Which sounded as though his nose had got
mad at him and was going to strike. Then
there was Il pause and we began to hope that
he had either awakened or strangled to death
nobody cared very particularly which. But
he disappointed everybody with a cultural
"GnroOch,'
Then he paused again for breath, and when
he had accumulated enough for his purposes
he resumed business with stentOrOuS
"Kowpf"
That nearly shot the roof off the car. Then
he went on playing such fantastic tricks with
his nose and breathing thing that would make
the immortal gods weep, if they did but hear
them. 1t seemed a matter incredible, it seem
I'd an utter, preposterous impossibility that
any human being could make the mOnstrous,
hideous noises with its breathing machine that
the fellow in lower three" was making with
his. He ran through all the ranges of the ma
sal gamut, he went up and down very chro
matte scale of snores, he ran through the intri.
cate and fearful variations until it seemed that
his nose must be out of joint in Il thousand
places All the night and all the light through
he told his story
"Gowah gurrrh gur-r-r! kowptf.! Gawaw.
wah! gawah-hah. gwock gwarrrt gwal-h-h-h
whoof"
Just as the other passengers had consulted
together how they might Stay him. morning
dawned and "lower number three awOke
Everybody watched the curtains to see what
manner of man it was that had made that
beautiful sleeping cara pandemonlum. Pres
emily the toilet was completed, the curtains
parted, and clover number three" stood re-
vealcd
Great heavens!
1t was fair young girl, with golden hair,
and timid, pleading eyes, like hunted tawn's
-Bnriington Horkeye.