The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-03-03

The patter Of little feet and the patter OF the
Summer rain are the sweetest music in the world
Of nature.
An Austrian Count refused to marry bis
ahianced because at some game he saw her kissed
by another man.
If the European war raises wheat, as is antici-
pated, farmers wives can dress in grow grain
81. Louis Republican.
Mrs. Bamboozle says young ladies addicted to
the bronchitis should be careful not to venture
out without wearing large breastpin.
No woman with bucket of hot soapsuds in
her hand is superior to temptation when she
detects her husband peeping through knothole
in the garden fence.
There was a reward offered the other day for
the recovery of large leather lady's travelling
bag. Whether or not the large leather lady has
got it back has not been stated.
When n man goes home after midnight and
tenders his wife box of fried oysters as a peace
offering, the '' fry does not always prevent
" broii,'' and the man sometimes gets into
" stew" before he gets into bed.
A Frenchman is about opening " Hymeneal
Academy" in Covington, KY, in which young
ladies will be taught the marriage service, with
all the proper sobs, sighs and Mysteries, in three
easy lessons.
In enumerating the arguments in favor of evo-
luton, Professor Huxley omitted to state that
a
as dog, but he can't express his satisfaction as
keenly, because he hasn't any tail to wag.
An old lady, the other day, was told that
eight mules were killed by lightning in ad-
joining county. " Good graciousI' she ex-
claimed clasping her hands over her head: ' 1
felt in my bones that something had happened to
john"
The following is genuine copy of a bill made
out by the hostIer of an inn in village in Dor
50 hau fha
horse) ID; clininosansha fcleaning horse and
chaise), 4th.; brininonmomigin (bringing him
home again), s., total, Is. Id.
The pleasures of memory-Mrs. Henpeck
1'How stupid that you can't recollect when Mrs
Major Shouter calledl' Mr.. Henpeck: "I-I
know il was the day you hit me with the camp,
Mr.. Henpeek "No, no ; that was the day you
threw the teapot at me-"
Among the replies to an advertisement of a
uausic committee for ga candidate as organist,
music teacher" etc., was the following 50 Gen
tlemen L notice your advertisement for music
teacher and organist, either lady or gentleman.
Having been both for several years, offer you
my services"
A ive-year old tot, who had always closed her
prayers at night with s' And God help Katy to
be good girl, opened her eyes on that point
one night in green-apple time, and said very
decidedly, '' amt going to say the rest, for
1 don't want to be good girl, | want TO eat
green apples and swallow 'em.''
"Job printing Job printing! exclaimed
Mrs. PartiDgton the other day, she peeped
over her spectacles at an advertisement in a
country newspaper. Z" Poor Job they've kept
him printing, week after week, ever since learn
ed to read, and if he wasn't the patientest
that ever was, he never could have stood it so
long, no how.
The two Bennetts took things very differently.
Old j. q. B., when he got hOrsewhipped, used
to write up from personal experience the best
account in New York Of the affair and sell any
amount of extra Herdlds. Young j. G. B.
doesn't allow q word of the affair in the Herald
when he is thrashed, but finds an errand out of
town at once.
The Home Journal objects to the wearing of
diamonds when travelling, because it is vulgar.
1t is a position which assumed years ago,
and we are glad to say that no one connected
with this paper has ever been guilty of such vul-
garity We have occasionally taken a ride with
a lawyer but there some depths to which we
cannot sink-NortCich Bulletin.
After-Dinner Orator. Its in the wonderful
insight inter 'uman nature that Dickens gets the
pull over Thackeray but, on tother hand, it's
In the brilliant shafts O. satire, t'gether with a
keen sense o. humor, that Dickery gets the pull
over Thackens. It's just this Tickery is the
humorist and Dsckens is the satirist. But, after
all, it's bsurd to instoot any comparison between
Dackery and Thickens.'' So none was 40 in
stooted. London Judy.
An Indianian went into Chicago saloon and
asked for "a gin cocktail with some strength
into it, The baTkeeper made a mixture of al
cohoI pepper sauce, absinthe, lines and pain
killer. 1.-THE Indianian drank it, says the
Chicago Tribune, '' and about quart of tears
came to his eyes, his mouth contracted to about
the size of safe keyhole, and when he had suff-
cientIv mastered his emotion to speak, he said
.How much's that?' Fifteen cents, responded
the barkeeper.. The customer put down quarter
and said Keep the change-have something
YOURSELF then wringing the barkeeper's hand,
he added That's the first good gin I've tasted
since 1 left home-something like liquor it's
sort of quick in taking hold, and slow in letting
q Come and gee me. and LII give Won come