Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-01-08

is never rumpled by shining head;
My singing biriling from the nest is flown:
The little boy used to kiss is dead
----
How to develop the imagination-Get
the delirium tremens.
Excuse haste and bad pen," said
the pig, when he ran away from home.
My bark is on the sea-" as the cur
said when the captain threw him over
board.
The longevity of Chinese defaulter,
after he is found out, averages about two
minutes.
Whoever it was that called sausage
"a ground hog has made the best pun
of the current month.
An lrishman complained to his ply
siclan, that he stuffed him so much with
drugs that he was sick long time after
he got well.
A man in st. Louis fell down stairs,
and was supposed to be dead until it
was found he was book agent. He re-
vived unhurt.
A man in Green Bay, Wisconsin, saw
ed young lady from walking off a
bridge, and, so far from being grateful
for it, she married him.
The bustling Burlington Ha,Okeye has
been to church often enough to observe
that "a woman seats herself in a pew in
seven motions man with one."
An old edition of Morse's geography
sayo: ALBANY hae 400 dwelling houses
and 400 inhabitants, all standing with
their gable ends to the street"
Are blacksmiths, who make a living
by forging, or carpenters. who do lit
tie counter-ftting, any worse than men
who sell iron and steel for living
Suppose | should work myself up to
the interrogation point p said beau to
his sweetheart. IL should respond with
an exclamation" was the prompt reply.
"Wby don't you literary men get
rich p asked lady of Bohemian. IL
don't know" he replied. "unless it is
that dollars and sense never 60 together -
When a man has been hard at work
in an obscure way for years, and at
length achieves success, nine-tenths Of
his acquaintances insult him by Offering
congratulations on his "luck."
The following notice is posted con-
spicuously in Scotch office: Shut the
door, and when you have done talking
on business, serve your mouth the same
way"
The Chinese are the most silent of all
the races of mankind, and account fol
this taciturnity on the ground that they
never mind anybody's business but theil
own.
WHO plucked this flower ?" said IT,,
gardener, as be walked around his gar
den. One of his fellow-laborers said
ut is the master" The gardener helC
his peace.
A late condensed" telegraphic de
spatch concerning the burning of ;
dwelling house, ends thus Mrs. Smitl
and two children escaped in nigh
clothes valued at $4,000"
my business is to talk" said stuml
speaker, 81 deal in words and senten
ces." Yes" said a voice in the crowd
land as long as have known you. you
place of business has never been closed.
A Western paper says: Wanted, a
this Office, an editor who can please ey
erybody. Also foreman who can so al
range the paper as to allow every man
advertisement to head the column"
A resident fisherman fishing for trou
on another mans land. the other day
completely silenced the owner who re
monstrated, with the majestic answer
"Who wants to catch your trout ? | al
only trying to drown this worm"
Three-year-old happened to have
want to be attended to just as his moth
er was busy with the baby. go away
| can't be bothered with you now.
What did you have so many childre
for, if you can't bother with 'em ?" b
Unexpectedly inquired.
Tommy. my son, fetch in stick
wood" "Ah my dear mother" reptile
the youth, 1.-The grammatical portion (
; your life has been sadly neglected. Yc
should have said: Thomas, my sol
transport from that recumbent collectiC
of combustible material upon the thresl
= old of this edifce one of the curtaile
excrescences of defunct log.
] A paper "out West" has the follov
z ing notice: "All notices of marrlaj
e where no bridal cake is sent will be S
up in small type, and poked in an ou
landish corner of the paper. When
handsome piece of cake is sent. the n
tice will be put conspicuously in lar
letters; when gloves or other bridal {
vors are added. piece of illustrate
poetry will be given in addition. Whe
7 however, the editor attends at the Gel
mony in person, and kisses the bride.
ID will have especial notice-very lar
type, and the most appropriate poet
that can be begged. borrowed. or stole