The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1877-10-25
From the Ohio FaTmer.l
A Tiff With Samuel.


and find fault, but really their ways oi
thinking are so powerful funny Sam
and | were sitting on the doorstep, bill
ing and cooling like turtle doves, last
night. | had been combing his head
and he'd been picking wild hairs out OF
my eyes, and as we sat there resting like,
who should come along but Doctor
Linkum. an old bachelor who has lived
in our town nigh OF to thirty years. He
sat down on the bottom of Sans truck
b, sket, close by, and we got to talking
| through other, as you may say, in a
confding sort of a manner
Tell you what it is, said Dock, I've
a good mind to marry the widder Sum
merfeld. You know she's a handy lit
| tie woman, is worth four or five thou
sand, is fine looking, and / wouldn't
mind it having her two little boys round
a spell. They'd soon be big enough to
60 way to trades, and the coast would
be clear then"
didn't say a word, but lawful sakes
did some thinking! Dock Linkum
that old homely, toothless, bald, lame,
cock eyed, handy legged quack. to talk
that way. What conceit. What won
derful good opinion be had OF himself to
be sure. Why there WASH such a sweet
faced sweet-souled, charming woman
anywhe about as dear little Mrs Sum
merfeld. She hsd loved her dead hus.
band devotedly, and it seemed that all
her affection had been transferred to her
fatherless little boys.
waited to hear what my Sam would
say | kept looking at him shyly, ex-
pecting all the time he'd tip the wink
which, interpreted meant, was there
ever such ioolP but Sam, instead,
pulled down his jacket rolled his tobacco
over in his mouth. and said, II honor
your judgment. Dock"
| couldn't stand that, so | spoke. do
you think she'd have your "0f course
she would" was Linkum's answer. 'Wo
men are not so easily picked up as that"
| replied tartly. Aud then what do you
think both these simple males did, but
up and say any woman would marry If
she got the chance. | don't know that
| was ever much madder than to hear
my sex belttled in that kind of style
Just as though we women felt honored
with an offer of marriage from any body.
Oh my
One day there were seven women of
us quilting at Smiths. and we got to
talking about marriage, and one thing
led on to another, and finally we grew
sort o confding like. and every woman
of US told why she married the man she
did
One was left an orphan and had no
home. and for the sake OF having one
she married her husband, an industrious
cooper. One quarreled with her lover,
and i'm fit of spite work she married a
triffilng fellow, fiddler, after leading
him into making an offer. One married
her husband because they had so much
work to do at his fathers and didn't
want the expense of hiring girl. She
was the choice of her mother in-law, who
made the match. Another married her
husband because he vowed he'd kill him
self il she didn't have him. Another
married hers because be had such beau
tiful brown eyes, and such a handsome
mustache. She was very young. An
other married hers just because all the
other girls wanted him, and she was
bound to lead out. And | wed my Sam
because he pined and was sick half the
time, and got so he couldn't eat meat and |
hearty victuals and be said he was sick |
of love. and would die il he didn't get |
me. / never was sorry for it, And yet |
right in the face Of these stubborn facts |
men will dare to speak lightly Of women
and marriage. Ii is a shame And / |
told them so. Why, | havn't fingers |
enough on which to count the matches /
know OF in which the unsophisticated |
girls were imposed upon and led into I
marriage in which real, true love was out
of the question. Marriage is the grand
est farce that ever cast a shadow on this
earth. Folks marry because it is the 4
custom; and because they cannot pro- /
vide for themselves or are too lazy to /
strike out and make the effort; because 1
he's rich or respectable, or of a good i
family, because she owned fine farm or
had money in the bank, and often, too
often, because he's played out, run
his property, lost his health, or
needs somebody TO cuddle him up and
fuss over him, and brush his hair, and
cook goodies with an eye and thought
to his dyspepsia, the chrome derange
ment of his stubborn bowels, and the
thousand and one ills that makes his
life burden and fills his days and
nights with bowling and growing
As in the case OF Dock Linkum-all
the glow and freshness and sweetness
and enteusiasm ubbed out Of his life. as
the dainty luster Is wiped off the purple
plum, and then he, the roue and the
unblushing rowdy begins to look around
among the purest and most modest OF
young maidens, fora wife. And as is
always the case, he thinks all be has to
do is to lay his soiled hand and his old
remnant of a heart at the feet
of the most winsome girl in the land, for
her honored acceptance. Shame on such
egotlsm-such gross impu
unparalleled vanity.
In sight OF our house lives one of the
dearest maiden ladies | ever knew. She
is as sweet as any girl There is hardly /
a month in which she does not receive
an Offer of marriage-oh such letters.
such spelling, such attempts at grandilo
queut and taking expressions. And 4
more than ALL how mighty. how majestic. 4
how pompous is man. Old fellows who 1
don't even have decent change OF ap 4
parel, so stricken are they with poverty, /
make her an offer Of themselves Men /
whose property Is almost buried in mort 1
cages, whose health is sore wreck
whose children are the sons and daugh /
tiers OF Belial-they lay their hearts AT 4
her feet lovingly-vowing that she is the 1
chosen one-the queen they would /
crown Old buggy widowers whose !
joints creak like rickety bedsteads, tell /
her OH a sheet of ioolscap how they |
adore the very ground on which she |
walks, how lonely they are. how desc |
late are their homes, how neglected the
ragged children who need her care, how |
much waste in the culinary department,
how the cows are drying up for lack OF
careful attention, how excellent the new
sewing machine, and how prosperous
would be the quiet home in all its sp
pointments if her fertile brain and busy
hands directed things.
Others, men of note, those who have
held such offices as commissioners, or
intirmary directors, or justice of the
peace, men who we'll know their own
worth and intellectual ability the best,
L. d