The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1877-11-08
PLEAS4NTRIES.
GIVE the tramp no quarter.
PANIONS-N-ARMS-TWins,

GIVE the tramp no quarter.
COMPANIONS N-ARMs-Twins.
PAINFUL question-How much can the
Russian bear?
WHEN is wine like pigs tusk When
it is in a hog's-head.
A NOVEL may be very old, but yet what
is old cannot be novel.
WHEN man gets SO low down that no
body will lie about him, he had better
turn over new leaf.
AN lrishman tells us of a fight in
which there was only one whole nose
left IN the crowd, '.and that BELONGED to
the tay-kettle.
A WHILE ago party of lynchers down
South POSTPONED the hanging five min
utes to allow the victim time to finish
smoking a cigar. This proves that the
use of tobacco prolongs life.
A YOUNG lady in town, who does not
pride herself particularly on being a
political economist, thinks the sooner
greenbacks reach "pa, u the sooner she
will be able to invest in new fall bonnet.
A KENTUCKY man who went to the
Black Hills wrote back to local paper,
saying Golfer premium at your COM
ing fair for the biggest fool in the coun-
try, and I'll try and get there in time.
81 TRY to preach the milk of the
word,'' replied a city clergyman to
parishioner who demonstrated that his
sermons were too long. Yes" replied
the other. g but around here what we
want is condensed milk
A PURCHASER on being served with
ground coffee at store asked care
there beans in this coffee - "No, sir, }"
answered the clerk. How do you
know?" sneered the purchaser. "Be-
cause we ran out of beans Thursday and
had to put peas in instead" !"
AT tiinner af provincial law society
once, the President called upon the
senior solicitor present to give as toast
the person whom he considered the best
friend of the profession. "Ihen," re-
sponded the sly old fox, "i'u give you
the man who makes his own will.
NODE TO DOGS.
The dog who loves to bark and bite,
Who sleeps all day and barks all night
ooh, hit him with aeroite y
OF hun 1 write.
He lives life of languid ease
He sometimes loves to bark up trees
He hath his idiosyncracies,
And Hkewise-heas.
If some one should write book and
call it My Great Toe somebody else
would Immediately issue "My Little
Toe" followed rapidly by the second,
third, and fourth toe, and probably other
portions of the pedal anatomy. Servile
imitation seems to be the rage among
the book makers of the day.-F'at Con-
| tributOr.
WHEN a young man from Harvard is
asked if he will always love her thus, he
does not answer, "Will duck swim p
Science has taken the place of poetry,
and he replies, Will evolution from the
unconditional working in protoplasm by
accretion and absorption produce the or
ganic cell? Then he inquiries languidly
if there are any cold beans about the
house.
A PUPIL in Scotch school, for some
boyish misdeed, had received a sound
hogging, and as best he could was dl-
gesting it over a seeming, if not real, de-
votion to his lesson in hand. The old
Il, H.
brow for while, and then called him up
to his desk. "What are ye thinkin' of,
Jamie2" was the stern inquiry. "Im
thinkin' of the multipEcation-table,
sir, was the trembling reply. cts a
lie. We rascal shouted the old man !;
"ye're cen a thinkin' what dommed
auld villain I am and of course he
fogged him again.
HOW TO GET RID OF BORROWERS.
A gentleman, whose place of business
is not thousand miles from the Mer-
chants Exchange, is annoyed, as many
business nnen are, by impecunious 1ndl-
viduals desiring small loans. He has
adopted the following method of dealing
with them: He will listen amicably to
the long preface to the request to "Just
lend me s. for few days ?" and answer,
certainly" and then, turning to a
clerk, says:
eJames, we have s. to lend, have we
not %
"Yes, sir" says welltrained James.
"Well, lend it to Mr.. Beet.
1t is not in, sir yo1 loaned 1t te
Mr.. hummer day before yesterday.