The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1877-10-11
ALL SORTS.
Waul flowers cats.

.N . H..
Stanley is Congo .ratulated.
The johcr's land-All jeers.i ~
! Domestic pets-matlimon sulks.
| IAN apple woman says her business Is at a
stand-still. a I'LL o4
l A light occupation of paying tellcrs
in Chicago savings bank.
/ What the country yearns for is book Ell.
| titled s'That Ante of Mine.''
| The Graphic says that ''the barney one
is the same as the sham rock"
Virgihia's favorte financial autht' .ty--.
Punch. gttl4
| We think Egg Ha~b9 would he safe port
! for shells. 1e'3 io 1ah- aaa
| A clean sheet of water is usually spread
| over the bed of river.
The soldiers monument in Boston is an
| uncommon thing
The present Gear Alexander doesn't sigh
| for other worlds ~ conquer. .q.t
s"If you call that coffee" said Squib of the
| Lowell Courier to his landady, s'you don't
| know beans.''
The New York Commercial Advertiser
| man has noticed that lawyers have a s'sue-
thing way about theln.'
| 1t is getting so chilly that ice cream deal
| ers have to set their freezers behind the
stoveat night.
"Evely cloud has a silver lining,'' and
| many a man wishes his pocketbook was a
good-sized, healthy cloud. fa.
"A man fooled into buying a pinchbeck
watch called it Faith, because it was with
out works, and therefore dead.
Many thanks for that little poem on ssAu-
tumn," but guano and piano wont rhyme in
| our type.-St. Louis Journal.
If you do not want to be robbed of your
good name, do not have it painted on your
umbrella.
The ssComing Struggle'' IS the name of a
weekly journal to be started in Philadelphia
next month. A very appropriate title.
The Oil City Call ventures forth the state
ment that san express train is faster than a
day laborer, but it can't stop as sudden
A Hartford Connecticut yawIboat bears
the name '.Not-to-Lend.'' No s'Loan Fish
erman" need apply, of course.
The Norristown Herald calls on all the
Pashas to come home and vote, so that the
polls will not be so entirely deserted this fall.
And now we hear still small voice say
ing: ''Ihe nasty moths have just ruined my
furs.'' Any sensible man will know what is
expected of him. {.tsaaa s
There is no man in this country, according
to his story, but has lost from 800 to 1000
| umbrellas. His-tory-cal fact l
Hereafter the Presidents of railway COM
panies are to BE- provided with the ''bcll-
punch'' as well as the conductors.
A Philadelphia dancing master is said to
be about introducing new dance expressly
for fat people. AL the performers have to
do is to sit and kick. ,.-4l sne.5
ssWhite lies,' says the New York Herald,
| 'sroll themselves up into cocoons, and next
year they come out ha .dsome. full Pledged,
wingy old whoppers. 4"
| Jay Gould does not carry a pair Of brass
| knuckles, as reported.-De!Yoit Free Press.
Mr.. Gould knows of a better use for his
| BRASS Chicago Journal hs
An English magazine having written ex-
haustingly upon water as a Beverage an
| Albany paper thinks the scheme is feasible
| and might at least have trial.
Whenever a Chicago journal announces
that s'another old citizen is gone" the De-
| troit Free Press remarks that he has gone
| to Canada.
sit takes hours to get over Il too sudden
rising" says a health Writer. Yes, we are
aware OF it. We lave SAT down ON Bonded
pins heretofore. ae.ls .l,s.is y.ys
| On every well regulated newspaper office
| door in America is the legend mo ped
| dlers, beggars, Harvard graduates or Osman
Pasha kilograms wanted here.
Russian to Turk, WHO receives bayonet-
thrust .-.But, my poor Turk, you don't
| time in eight days that anything has gone
ll1o my stolnach' mai eAa,
A Southern book-keeper, visiting the
| North on his vacation, walked TO the top of
Bunker Hill Monument. He said that it was
| the hardest column to foot up he had seen
since he left home. QAst
Looking Glass is gentleman. He re-
marked to some captive excursionists; .sNo
kill citizens; heap kill solders.'' That's
foeman worthy Of any agents steal.
The following is the worst ever offered tn
a coniding public Why are four singers
like one. fourth of gallon of consumed
lager? One is quartette, and the other
quart drunk.
party were enjoying the evening breezes
on board yacht. 1.-THE wind has made nv
moustache taste quite salt,'' remarked a
young man who had been for some time oc-
cupled In biting the hair that fell over his
upper lip. 81 know it," innocently said a
pretty girl. And she wondered why all her
friends laughed. -.