Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-11-12
School boys will regret to learn that

ocnool boys Will regret TO learn tnat
cuffs are coming in fashion.
Women can talk if the cannot vote"
says the Woman'S JonrnaI
When a man gets so low down that
nobody will lie about him, he had better
turn over a new leaf
Some woman says. "a brilliant man
is always less brilliant with his wife
than with anybody else"
1t takes more brains to cook square
meal of victuals than it does to write a
dozen essays on domestic economy.
An editor published long leader on
hogs. A rival paper in the same village
upbraids him for obtruding his family
matters upon the public.
Times are so hard that some of the
most gifted orators on the platform an
nounce that they will lecture this winter
for chickens, apples and cord-wood.
A Kentucky man who went to the
Black Hills wrote back to local paper,
saying: "Offer premium at your COM
ing fair for the biggest fool in the coun-
try, and I'll try and get there in time"
The faults of a fool are concealed
from himself while they are evident to
the world; on the other hand, the faults
of the wise man are well known to him.
self, while they are masked over and
are invisible to the world.
A friar, when preaching in a nunnery,
observed to his female auditors: "Be
not too proud that our Blessed Lord paid
your sex the distinguished honor of ap-
peariDg first to female after the resur-
rection, for it was done that the glad
tidings might spread the sooner"
In church and in State
| 1t s rule or be ruled
/ In courtship marriage,
II is fool or be fooled;
| In logic and law
| 1t Is nick or be nicked;
| In gambling and trade,
| II Is trick or be tricked
| In treaty and war,
| 1t is beat OF be beaten
| In the struggle for life,
| II is eat or be eaten.
A man noted for his close-fsted pro-
pensities was showing an old coin to a
neighbor, when the latter asked: Where
did you get it ?" 81 dug it out of my
garden" was the reply. ut is a pity
you didn't find it in the cemetery" said
the neighbor. "Why SO ?" asked the
coin owner. Because you could have
saved the hole to be buried in"
A recent advertisement contains the
following: "If the gentleman who keeps
the shoe shop with the red head will re-
turn the umbrella of young lady with
whalebone ribs and an ivory handle to
the slate-roofed grocer's shop. he will
hear of something to his advantage, a:
the same Is the gift of deceased mother
now no more with the name engraved
upon it.
Learned professors have been occas
ionally outwitted by the sayings of the
simple. DR.. Hill. an Edinburgh pro-
fessor of the last century, met IN the
suburbs of the city an inofensive crea
ture who was generally regarded as ar
imbecile. Somewhat irritated by thu
creatures intrusion on the privacy of hi
walk, the professor said to him, "Hov
long, Tom, may a person live withOu
brains ?" 81 dinna ken," said Tom
"hOw lang hae ye lived yersel ?'
When a man goes round the hous'
signing and wishing himself dead yO'
needn't trouble to put the bottle of opi
um away. He wouldn't touch it TO
worlds. If he should be suddenly at
tackled by collie you would hear hin
screaming out for doctor at the top o
his voice. One day Pompey said b
wanted to die and 60 to glory. H
wrought himself into an ecstatic state
and told the people at the prayer meet
ing that he positively couldn't wait muc
longer. That night. at twelve. some on
knocked at his cabin door. "What 20
want ?" said the colored man, trembling
ly. II want Pompey to take him {
glory" replied a gruff voice. The dal
key thought a moment and then said
"Mister Angel, Pompey done moved u
y Norf three months ago. and don't neve
!, expect to come back again. Now, 2
!: way r. White or black, we are all th
!. same.