The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-11-03
VARIETY.

4 woman in tie suburbs has named one OF
her hens - Macduf, so that it may lay on.
Next to his art, f. l.. Davenport adored
pretty women next to his art.
An editor says that when he was in prison
for libeIing justice of the peace, he was re-
quested by the jailor 90 to give the prison puff.
Michigan father writes to the faculty oi
Yale 80 What are your terms for n year
And does it cost anything extra if my son wants
to learn to read and write as we'll as row boat ?''
Go out, young man she's not here" said
n PENNSYLVANIA minister in the midst of his SER
mon, to a youth whom he saw standing hesi-
tatingly in the doorway.
Montana Justice of the Peace doesn't
splurge any when he marries a couple. He says ::
:. Arise. grab hands-hitch-six dollars ~ And
that's all there is TO it.
Minnesota sheriff carried bullet in his
head ten years, and when they removed it re-
Gently. he became foolish. They are looking
for some one to shoot him again.
at was pitched without said the clergy
man, and an old baseball player, who had been
calmly slumbering, awoke with a start, and
yelled " Foul" The first base came down from
the choir and put him out.
WHY is this called Jacobs ladder ?'' asked
a charming woman as he and she were going up
the steepest portion of the Mount Washington
railway :" Because" he replied, with look
that emphasized his words, si there angels
ascending occasionally" He squeezed her hand.
1t wasn't homesickness that made Conkling
retire behind the wheel-house the second day
out, and stand on tip-toe every time the screw
came out of the water and dig his elbows into
the rail and hump up his back, and hang on to
his temples, and gurgle, g. o, Utica o, Oneida
county /! o, my .''-Boston Globe.
Why don't you speak distinctly ?'' cried
passenger to a brakeman who announced the
names of stations in an utterly unintelligible
manner. 8" l can't understand a word you
say" 50 What's that to me?'' responded the
brakeman. &" You don't expect to have fine,
clear tenor at $50 month, do you?"
50 You speak of a mixed crowd,'' observed
the opposing lawyer. s. now what do you mean
bya mixed crowd?' "If l might venture
definition" politely interposed the witness.
should say that an Irish row might be called
'Mick's crowd.'' The lawyer gave up the
examination.-Ch Chicago Journal
The modern child is pretty quizzical. This
time she lives in st. Louis, and reads her Bible
with thoughtfulness, but makes her own COM
mentary. Did they take piece right out
of Adam to make his wife?'' g Yes, darling
q What! right out of him And wasn't he
always sickly afterward ?'-Chr1stian Register.
He told the editor that he had read proof for
twenty years, and he obtained situation.
When he spelled 's introduction with big
" l. and with s' k,'' and IS Jehovah" with
little " g. the editor dipped him in the ink
the press, and hung him out in the alley to dry.
N. Y. Dispatch.
Said Poughkeepsie alderman to Kingston
alderman after a Centennial introduction ::
" Where's Hall ?" What Hail. said the
Kingston alderman. Alcohol replied Pough-
keepise. Oh,'' said Kingston, I" he's with
john 8" What John?'' said Poughkeepse.
" Demijohn,' said Kingston, and then both
crawled into the hold of canal boat and died.
-POughkeepsie Eagle.
Young America is advancing. Here is the
evidence. Youth of six years. Papa YOU
must get some Marbles Fond Parent
g Marbles, my son; do you know how to pIay
marbles?" He waited until the next night for
his answer Youth displaying a pocket in
fated with rattling agates All, ha see
therel" Youth Marbles I! Don't know how
to play ?" Papa Where did you get EN- ?''
Youth. Skinned feller l''-Boston Traveller.
New Hampshire editor says:
Some time ago an aged man who had Just lost
his wife came into our sanctum, and, with tears
standing in his eyes, eulogzed the memory of
the deceased, and asked us to record the death in
next issue. SO And said he, d" while YOU
are about it, make an item about one of nv
Brahma hens laying an egg measuring seven
and quarter by eight and three-Quarters inches
IN circumference Thus suddenly our thoughts
OF sympathy were directed to the stern realities
of life.
A stranger with weak back walked into a
drug store, the other day, and said he wanted
the strongest KIND of a mustard plaster. With
fendlsh grin, the clerk built I'D terrible
mixture and passed it out. That NIGHT the
inmates of the hotel were startled fren, their
slumbers by loud cries in room 81. When the
door was burst open, they found the STRANGE
wrestling with that mustard plaster in Grace
Roman style. But the plaster had thrown him
twice, and was now thump;Ig iim againsI -
wall, preparatory to drawiny him through the
transom. 1t took two policemen to separate
the two,