Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1877-04-18
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! ~~N~~.~~~a~.e~~~s~
each moment makes you dcarer,'
as the parsimonious tradesman said
to his extravagant wife.
To persons about to marry--Take
care (says Punch) to choose lady
help and not lady incumbrance
A quack doctor advertises conf
IDENTIFY: people never cough after
taking one bottle of my cough mix
ture."
Postmaster General Key has thir-
teen children. A bunch of Keys that
may fit somewhere in Cabinet-mak-
ling.
"Her face is garden Of flowers
is the title ola new song; but Gym
ical man says, "flowers" is evidently
a misprint for "fiour."
One BARRIERS shop in Springfield,
Mass, contains the notice: stNo talk.
ing with customer unless ho begins
the conversation"
| One of the saddcst sights these
hard times is to see mother with a
five foot husband trying to alter his
pants to fit six foot son.
| The difference between an editor
and his wife--one sets tho articles Il
rights, and the other writes the arti.
cles to set. This isn't the only differ.
lencc.
i Some of the ladies fancy standing
up in the street-cars, now-with hand
some bracelets on their arms hanging
to strap shows the gold off SO beau
tifully.
1 A correspondent writes, asking fol
a "remedy for an applc-tiec worm
How can we prescribe until we know
what is the matter with the worm.-
E1.
Disraeli says: Evening dress is
lstyle of costume sanctioned by socie
Ity for enabling ladies to display thei
natural beauties with a profusiol
worthy of Grccian statue"
/ A paragraph is floating the rounds
to the effect that Miss Florence Tiltol
has gone to Tennessee to meet he
father. Good place to look for him
around Tennessee, or Victoria c., o
some of the gang.
"Wcll, Sambo, how do you lik
Iyour new place 2" "Bcrry we'll, mas
sa." "What did you have for break
fast, this morning w "Why, you see
Misses billed three eggs for herself
and gave me the brof."
A little girl went with her mothe
to q Soldene concert. When that la
dy and the full chorus appeared, tn
little girl in the audience looked a
them moment, then said: "Mamms
are those women ready for bed now
"Do you havcan hops in Maine ?
asked New York belle. who wa
dressing for ball, of country cous
in from the Pine State. "Oh, We.
lots; pa has forty acres of 'em in on
/ field" But the country cousin 500
learned to know the difference.
An intoxicated English tar role
up against Sir Rodney Mundy, an
, calculated, with considerable difiicu
) ty, "Get out O. my way!' clio,
/ dare you address me like that, sir
/ demanded the Admiral. "Don't yo
know who am? am Admiral Muir
ldy." "Don't care if you are Admire
, Tuesday week !" persisted the sailo
"Gct out O. my way !"
! He was praising her beautiful hal
and begging for one tiny curl, whe
: her little brother said: 20, my tail
: nothin' now. You just ought to hay
T seen how long it hangs down whe
she hangs it on the side of the tabl
!, to comb it," Then they laughed, an
+ she called her brother q cute littl
angel, and when the young man WI
D going away and heard that boy vel
ing, he thought the lad was take
: suddenly and dangerously i'll.
. The Spitz dog has had hearin.
He did not appear for himself TO 'op
+ pose tire dog-m of his traducer
; but he had friends who were war;
. in his defense. But whether he is il
! clined to get mad or not, he has rails
ed a howl against himself which
! will be difficult to quiet. If he bite
he will not be forgiven, even if he
not mad. ."Not madw said a ma
who had been bitten, when the owl
er undertook to soothe him by tellin
! him the dog was not mad "not D,ao
What in thInder's he got to be ma
e about / should like to know? IT
! me that's mad"