Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-10-03
HulllOr.

HumOr.
Avoid that which you blame others
for doing" says one of our wise men.
Well, things have come to pretty pass
if a man can't kiss his own wife.-M
City Derrick.
An agricultural society offered a
premium for the best mode of irriga-
ton, which was printed irritation by
mistake. An honest farmer sent his
wife to claim the prize.
What" asked youth timidly of an
eminent philologist, "What, sir, is the
meaning of this phrase: Modus oper-
andl ?' and the great 4nguist, whose
mind was saturated with the literature
of ancient Greece and Rome replied
1t is Latin for How the old thing
works.
Mars has two moons, which naturally
suggests the question, Howthe deuce is
a young fellow of Mars going to walk
with his best girl along the shady side of
the avenue when noonbeams are con-
verglng on every inch of pavement from
two opposite directions?
Two men were riding in the cars the
other morning, when one asked the 9TH
er if he had a pleasant place of resi-
dence. Yes, was the reply; we have
seven nice large rooms over store
Over a store [ shouldn't think that
would be a quiet place." ooh! it is
quiet enough. The folks don't adver-
tise."
Indulgent Husband Ito dear little
wife, who has bought some new curls y
But my darling, you will never be able
to wear them-they are flaming red p
Dear Little Wife: II know [ can't
wear them, darling only bought them
because they were so very cheap" IN
dulsent Husband Humph p
A party were enjoying the evening
breeze on board yacht "The wind
has made my moustache taste quite
SALT" remarked a young man who had
been for some time occupied in biting
the hair that fell over his upper lip Il
know it." innocently said a pretty girl.
And she wondered why all her friends
laughed.
A young urchin went into Il hat store
one day last week, and told the clerk
that he wanted cap, at the same time
putting two cents on the counter He
was informed that the cheapest cap in
the store would cost twenty-five cents.
What" said the youngster, /" them's
big enough for a cannon. | only wants
one for q pistol
twas an enthusiastic fisherman. He
had caught half-dozen black bass about
the size Of sardines, and proudly placed
the batch before a farmer for inspec-
ton. The Granger turned the little
fishes over with the handle Of his knife
and, looking up in the face of the fish
erman, remarked in painful measured
syllables Wouldn't you have
been-about- as-well -off -if-you-
had-kept- your-bait-and cooked
it ?"-1ur'.er's Fail Reporter,
An insurance adjuster went to see a
man whose house had been destroyed
by fire. Said Adjuster: How did this
thing happen?' HORSEPOWER Don't
know-its a mystery" Adjuster
"Well | know" HORSEPOWER Lets
have it; that's just what I'd like to
find out" Adjuster Its friction
HORSEPOWER Friction = friction
| What's that?" Adjuster ssNhy, fric-
ton is the result of rubbing a s., 600
policy on a 5000 house. "-Northampto'.
Mass. Gazette.
The corn-husks are thin, indicating
mild winter; the woods are full of
| mast, an unfailing sign of long, hard
winter; there are myriads of spiders,
mild winter; acres of caterpillars, hard
winter; the squirrels are idle and list
less, mild winter; the squirrels are
noisy and busy, hard winter the goose
bone is white and gray, mild and hard
winter; the woodchuck has gone in,
mild winter; the woodchuck stays out,
hard winter It is, indeed, only ques-
ton of time when the system of wealth
er representations will become one of
the exact sciences