Smyrna times., 1877-01-03
He Admired them All.

No other State could have raised him
hut New Jersey. He was tall and lank.
ana wore rusty clothes. His trousers were
tucked inside his boot legs, and his boots
were covered thick with red clay. He
strolled into whosesale coffin warehouse
on the Bowery, and stood near the door
staring around in open-mouthed wonder
ment.
The proprietor stepped up to him, and.
rubbing his hands briskly, said "Cofiins 2,
Yes, | see they be-" answered the
'Ierseyman. You hey got lot of 'em
now, ain't yer?"
Largest and best assorted stock in the
city, replied the proprietor "Shall l
show you through ?"
linen the Jerseyman looked very happy.
Now nuthin ed tickle me more'n that"
said he
The storekeeper merely nodded, and led
the way to a rosewood"
Now there is am article | can recon-.
mend. Sllver-plated screws, wood well
seasoned, and will last for years"
The Jeracyman walked all around if.
peeped inside of it, and slowly rubbed the
wood with his hand
W. ell, now, by gosh! she is beauty.
amt she?' said he. YAnybody that ex.
! poets to have Il real good, comfortable
time, let 'em take that, hey? Why Daniel
Webster himself couldn't ask no better.
Look here, when | ride out on tn rale
hoSS' ei they want to make me real happy,
lIst let EN- hide me in one like that"
Here is another Style" said the pro.
Prietor, moving on. "Caskct Solid silver
mounins~; doubled wood, and nv own
patent"
Inc JerSeyman stopped and inspected it
Tong and minutely. lie examined the
silver closely and polished the wood with
his coat TAIL
WELL great JENNY! that jist lays over
anything in tn way OF Il box ever did seq
Why, II man he'd thing like that LAWN
round his house, ready for use, an il was
sineraIIy known bout tn neishborhood. |
calklIate his society would be sought arter
by Tia richest in tn land. | list want'r
mention this one fact. When | bids good
10y with weepin' eye to this'r ball of mud
as our pastor says, if they'd on'y tuck me
away IN patent thing like that I'd be tn
happ'est man alive How much for that
'er patent?''
Eighty dollars replied the proprietor.
moving on.
Tho Jerscyman followed behind, mutter.
ing to himself: by Josh! Now really.
ouGht'r stop smokin' an chewin, an save
up Tor one OF them things"
Now, here is metallic Arrangement"
sad the proprietor, stopping. ITS pre-
servatlve qualities are immense. | guar.
antee that this will last forever"
The Jerseyman halted and looked at the
last style with perfect amazement. AT
length he found his voice and said. al
don't want to see no more. That is the
style for me. If | was as rich as A. r.
Stowck Co., I'd hcv one of 'em if il bust
me. can't conceive of no greater pleasure
then to llst lay an wait for Gabriel TO blow
- " ti'lilS IINe lldl. w nen tn
doctor gifts through with me list let 'em
mortgage tn farm an git one of them kind
for me, an I'll 90 happy. That's my STYLE
exact"
Here are our cheaper kinds" said the
proprietor, turning about; "pine, but
nicely painted and finely finished"
The Jerseyman gazed upon one of them
as 1t 1t was an old friend
"Well, now, after all" said he, "perhaps
them's the best. For a good plain enjoy.
able funeral gimme pine Them don't |
call for no brass bands or Odd Fellows
follown' on behind. When I'm wanted in
tn other world iist put me in pine an
won't complain bit. I'm"
"Well, sir, il you wish to buy"
mo, no. said the Jerseyman. looking |
at hlm in surprise. 81 don't want to buy |
anything; you asked me to look through |
an jst to oblige yer"
He was out on the sidewalk and the |
door closed behind him before he could
finish, and he quietly ambled away up the
Bowery.