Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1877-04-04
FACETIE.

penSe W learn what his aVenSlng
angel" confessed.
Railroad capital invested in Iowa
last year deprecated to the large
amount of 100000.
A prominent Keokuk bushes man
has got into hot water by undue fa-
with the servant girl.
Why they call sensational report
q "canard" is because one canardly |
believe it, you know.
An Irish lover remarks, "Its a great
pleasure to be alone, especially when |
your sweetheart is wild ye."
The important question before de-
batting societies now is: (Which is |
the bottom ola buckwhcat cake"
Fifty-five boys from 10 to Is years
old, were recently arrested at one
time in New York Gambling
house.
Within the last ten years the Uni
ted States has sold $45 200, 600 worth
of arms and munitions Of war, to
Europe.
The FASTING of printed slips on the
back of postal card obliges the re-
cipient to pay additional postage-a
fact not generally known.
The shipments of American beef to
England are becoming heavier g.
500 cattle are shipped weekly now, as
against l, 500 in January.
Quinine has advanced thirty-six
dollars in price the past month, and
is now quoted at $760Olper pound.
Rather discouraging for fevcr'nager
folks.
The department of agriculture at
| Washington, calculates that Iowa has
now 3,263, 200 hogs, or nearly million
more than any other state.
There is a man in Tennessee with
such big feet that if he gets them wet
in December, he doesn't have a cold in
his head until February.
Boston has begun to can and ship
baked beans. Everybody will now
say that they knew the giant intellect
of the Hub would develop something
after a while.
j Women are so handy in case of a
fire. One in Hartford recently threw
q plate of raw liver out of the win
dow to save it, and then ran for her
life, leaving all her clothes and val
uables behind.
1 A Texas paper wants to trade of
! lawyers at the rate of forty for one
northern farmer. But it says The
farmer must be an early rising, hard
working, good-managing man.
If you want to be in style you will
, wear an amethyst ring on the THIRD
/ finger of tho left had. Also cougl
: sadly now and then, as if you wcr'
the last Of an illustrious family.-De
} tsoit Free Press.
81 Rev. Mrs. Phoebe Hanaford's hca,
has been felt of by phrenologist
and he says that the sisters bump o
vcncration is enormously spread al
Q over her head. This must save tn
lady a great deal of expense in puff
combs for her hair.
ssBeer unites with the fluids of tn
:. stomach and forms o regular articl
4 of felt goods, remarked a temperate
i scientist to German citizen the OIL
er day. "Ya, va dot ish So" was til
f earnest reply, "dot beer vas mako
e man felt goots never vas"
70 Mr.. Moody is authority for Ii
9 statement, not elsewhere rocordc,
n that Daniel in the lions den slcl
t calmly with his head on one of Il
,e lions for a pillow. Mr.. Moody TO
N got to say whether the holy man ha
lei q crick in his neck In the morning.
" When asked by young man WI
= contemplated emigration what
"a thought of Texas as assplace of res
a dence, old Ben. Wade flew into f
- rious rage and shouted: eff ownt
NJ Texas and Hell, would not hesita
" to rent Texas and live in the 9th,
place."
N Statistics GO to show that man ms
gamble as profession, right alor
20 for ten years. when it will be four
"a that, beside making a thief of hi
- and putting him on the road to Il
Is penitentiary, he will have earned lc
Is money than any quiet-working m
chanic.
al A Frenchman has discovered tn
re human hair can be transplanted, al
n bald-headed men can become reaso
ut ably hirsutc by the process. 1t, no,
ct ever, requires more skill than Ian
f. scape gardening, and only very Ri
m men can stand the expense.
U. While we arc erecting tombston
over dead martyrs and placing laur
wreaths over the brows Of liviI
rs heroes, don't let us forget to drop
n, tear on the grave of the man wi
I'd conceived the idea of putting pot
to on the shout of Kerosene can.
A minister was telling your
girl who was about to become
n bride that she must remember tn
he the man and wife are one. "Lori
~ said she. "if you were under my |
II. Their and mothers window when til
al are quarreling you'd think the
he were at least Dozen"
nd "Ma, what is the meaning Of Ian
Up err" said Fanny, on her return frt
ne Sunday school. what Fannyp So
nd mamma. "Why Tanker; We sing
,ai Sunday school, sWc'll stand the stol
nd it won't be long, we Tanker by al
by Singers, speak plainly and CT
rectly.
Pere Hyacinthe was few days a
-, stopped on the street in Geneva by
~ woman of rank who abused him m,
he violently, and, woman-likc got all
more angry when he refused to .
l. swer. MADAME" said the cx-prit
~ politely, "respect is due to WON,
W and pity to fools, and he went.on
mi way TRANQUILITY.
IS lie was sitting silently by her ST
one chilly evening last autumn, thin
ing of something to say. Finally,
Sc remarked: GLOW sad it is, the fr
ed has come, and it will kill evcrythi
in green" Thereupon, the young la
ng extended her hand, and said in
or sympathetic tone, Goodbye"
n An old chap being reproachcd
81! ~ bis prospective mother-in-law that
l.n was even bald headed, replied :"Ms
q. ~ am, badness is no indication of !
N age-it runs in the family. In ia
NJ madam" said he in sudden gush
~ confidence, 81 was born bald-hca
W ed"
~ Advertising is "a good thing, |
nj when prominent grocer carried t.
40 funeral an umbrella on which "
M painted conspicuously the busin'
;S of his house, and held it oyer |
,s preachers head while he read
- prayers, the bystanders thought
was running thing into the ground