Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1877-11-09
MARK TWAIN'S LATEST.
How an Irreverent Old Salt Interpreted
the Story of Elijah and the Prophets Of
Baal.

on board, but did not know he was a
clergyman, since the passenger list did
not betray the fact. He took great
liking to the Rev. Mr.. Peters, and talk
ed with him great deal; told him yarns;
gave him tOothsome scraps OF personal
history, and wove glittering streak Of
profanity through his garrulous fabric
that was refreshing to spirit weary Of
the dull neutralities Of undecorated
speech. One day the Captain said
Peters, do you ever read the Bible?'
Well-yes."
Il judge it amt often, by the way
you say it. Now, you tackle it in dead
earnest once, and you'll find that it'll
pay. Don't you get discouraged, but
hang right on. First, you won't under
stand it; but by and by things will begin
to clear up, and then you wouldn't lay
it down to eat"
. Yes, have heard that said
And it's so, too There amt book
that begins with it. 1t lays over EN- all.
Peters. There is some pretty tough
things in it-there amt any getting
around that-but you stick to them and
think them out, and when once you get
on the inside every things plain as
day. ~
"The miracles, too, Captain?'
Yes, sir! The miracles, too. Every
one of them. Now, there's that business
with the prophets of Baal; like enough
that stumped you?
well, don't know but"
"Own up, now; it stumped you. Well,
[ don't wonder You hadn't had any ex-
perience in raveling such things out, and
naturally it was too many for you.
Would you like to have me explain that
thing to you, and show you how to get
at the meat of these matters?'
Indeed, | would, Captain, if you don t
mind"
The Captain proceeded as follows:
Ill do it with pleasure. First, you
see, read and read, and thought and
thought, till | got to understand what
sort Of people they were in the old Bible
times. and then after that it was all
clear and easy. Now, this was the way
put it up, concerning lsaac* and the
prophets of Baal There was some
mighty sharp men amongst the public
characters of that old ancient day, and
Isaac was one Of them. Isaac had his
failings-p plenty of them, too; it ain t
for me to apologize for Isaac; he played
it on the prophets of Baal and like
enough he was justifable, considering
the odds that was against him. No, all
| say is, 'twa'n't any miracle, and I'll
show YOU so's't you can see it your
self"
"Well, times had been getting rough
er and rougher for prophets-that is
prophets Of Isaac's denomination. There
was $50 prophets of Baal in the commu-
nifty, and only one Presbyterian; that is,
if Isaac was a Presbyterian, which |
reckon he was, but it don't say. Natur-
ally, the prophets of Baal took all the
trade. Isaac was pretty low-spirited, |
reckon, but he was good deal of a man,
and no doubt he went a-prophesying
around, letting on to be doing land-of-
fee business, but it want any use
at all: he couldn't run opposition to
amount to anything By and by things
got desperate with him; he sets his head
to work and thinks it all out, and then
what does he do? Why, he begins to
throw out hints that the other parties
are this and that and t'other-nothing
very definite, may be, but just kind OF
undermining their reputation in quiet
way This made talk, of course, and
finally got to the king. The king asked
Isaac what he meant by his talk Says
Isaac, oh, nothing particular; only can
they pray down fire from heaven on an
altar? It amt much, may be, your ma
jesty, only can they do it? That's the
idea So the king was good deal dis
turbed, and he went to the prophets of
Baal and they said pretty airy, that if
he had an altar ready, they were ready;
and they intimated he better get it in
sured, too.
80 next morning all the children of
Israel and their parents, and the other
people, gathered themselves together.
Well, here was the great crowd OF pro-
phets of Baal packed together on one
side, and Isaac walking up and down all
alone on the other; putting up his job.
When time was called, Isaac let on to be
comfortable and Indifferent told the
other team to take the first innings So
they went at it, the whole $50 praying
around the altar, very hopeful, and do
ing their level best They prayed an
hour-two hours three hours and SO
on, plumb till noon. 1t want any use;
they hadn't took a trick OF course
they felt kind of ashamed before all
those people, and well they might Now
what would magnanimOus man dO?-
Keep still, wouldn't he? Of course.
What did Isaac do? He gravelled the
prophets of Baal every way he could
think Of Says he, You don't speak
loud enough; your gods asleep, like
enough, or may be he's taking a walk
you want to holler, you know or words
to that effect. don't recollect the ex-
act language. Mind, | don't apologize
for Isaac.
"Well, the prophets of Baal prayed
along the best they knew how all the af-
ternoon, and never raised a spark. Al
last, about sundown, they were all tuck
cred out, and they owned up and quit
What does Isaac do now? He steps
up and says to some friends of his there
"Pour four barrels of water on the al
tar!' Everybody was astonished, fol-
the other side had prayed at it dry, you
know, and got whitewashed. They pour
ed it on. Says he, 'Heave on four more.
Then he says, Pour on four more!
Twelve barrels, you see, altogether.
The water ran all over the altar, and all
down the sides, and filled up a trench
around it that would hold couple Of
hogsheads- measures, it says; | reck
on it means about hogshead Some O.
the people were going to put on thei
! things and go, for they allowed he was
crazy They didn't know Isaac. Isaac
knelt down and began to pray; he STRUNG
along, and strung along, about the heath
Ell in distant lands, and about the sister
churches, and about the state and coun
try at large, and about those that S il
authority in the government, and all The
usual programme, you know, till every
body had got tired and gone to thinking
about something else, and then, all of ;
sudden, when nobody was noticing, h
outs with match and rakes it on the
under side of his leg, and puff up the
whole thing blazes like house afre
! Twelve barrels of water? Petroleum
sir, petroleum that's what it was!"
, Petroleum, captain?"
) Yes, sir, the country was full of it
Isaac knew all about that. You reat
the Bible. Don't you worry about thu
tough places. They amt tough wher
you come to think them out and throw
light on them. There aint thing il
the Bible but what is true; all you wan
is to go prayerfully to work and ciphe
out how twas done
H.