Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1877-07-19
THE COW.
Considered from Humorous Point of
View-The Varieties of the Animal
Known as the OK and the Bull.

If loaded revolver were placed near my
head and | was given one minute liz which TO
name the most useful piece of four legged fur
niture, should unhesitatingly answer, the
cow, and have forty-five seconds to spare. In
speaking of the COW embrace also the OK
and the bull. If the court will allow me, |
will change that sentenc e, so that it will read
that my remarks will embrace those two quad
rupeds, for as to embracing them myself, es
pecially healthy bull, most emphatically
decline. The COW stands over four feet in her
stockings, and those are made in the same
style as the DEVILS, which we are told are clio
ven, and resemble fiat turnip with slit cut
in it, She is bound in leather with the hair
| on, and comes in all coors but green. In
stead OF hands she is furnished with pair of
horns, which she wears on the two upper cor
ners of her head. These horns she finds very
handy in removing brush from house taking
gates from their hinges, letting down bars, land
also as weapon of defence; for after having
stuck them through foe two or three times
she usually throws up the sponge This STYLE
of taking horn is not popular; there is too
much spirit in it even to suit the most inveter-
ate topper. A COW cannot conceal her age any
more than man can big nose. Nature has
so arranged things that when cow is three
years old, a wrinkle is put on her horns at
each succeeding birthday. Sometimes cows
live to such an advanced age that their owners
have to splice out heir horns for the wrink-
les to grow on. This, however, IS an unusual
thing. The expression Of ''got new wrink-
le' originated from this fact in natural history.
LIKE SAW,
a cow has only one set of teeth, consequently
she finds it difficult to crack hickory nuts. She
is made on the double back-action plan that
is, she lives on soft food (which she makes up
into cakes about the size of ish-balls and
swallows them whole, and when she has leis-
ure time she lies down and eats them over
again. This she terms "chewing her cud -
and she is about the only class of eaters who
care TO eat the same meal twice. A COW is
as hungry as coal stove, and will eat as
long as there is any food in sight, and then
chew her cud till the next meal is served +.
One of the most affecting sights that we are
called to witness among dumb animals is that
OF seeing COW eating large potato. She
makes one or two Intellectual bites at il, but
it slips from her and rolls away. At last she
gets it fairly into he- mouth, and then begins
the struggle. She throws her head back,
wards, extending her nose in straight line.
Her eyes roll up and her ears droop. The
saliva drips from her mouth from all sides.
Apparently she is enjoying the most exquisite
pleasure, and her jaws work rapidly with the
regularity of pendulum. The potato slips
around in her mouth like doughnut in
kettle of fat, but she attends strictly to bust.
ness there is no let up on her part. Al last,
by happy accident, she succeeds in crushin 2
the potato between her jaws, when smile
steals over her face, her eyes slightly close.
and a tear of relief trckles from the corner of
each, her head resumes its natural position,
she runs out her tongue and "wipes off her
chin" so to speak, and the potato is swallow
ed with gulp,and takes its place on one of
the square shelves of her stomach, 10 await
the time when it shall be resurrected to be
rechewed.
cows TAIL
resembles long-handled tar-brush, and at first
sight one is at loss to decide what is it's use ;
but let him sit down beside the COW to milk
her, and he soon learns The first thing that
a COW does when the proper season arrives is
to fill the long hair on the end of her tail full
of burdock burs, aud when she swings it
round and round she strikes the miller across
the face, for the first time he imagines that he
then learns that her tail was not made ex-
clusively for fy. brush There is no piece of
animated nature that there is less waste in
than the COW. One OF her most useful ac-
complishments is her milk giving qualities
Milk is something that we all have to struggle
with at an early stage of life's game, and
though there is popular superstition that we
derive our earliest nourishment from our
mother, yet statistics viii show that if this be
the case that the COW is the real mother of
many Of us who have always supposed that our
female parent was somebody else. This is the
reason why one often hears boy called 'a
great calf" There is another superstition
that is largely held in the cities, that COW is