The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-01-13
VARIETY.


"A subscriber told us last week he would pay
his subscription to-day. 'as sure as he lived -
Ii he does not come in. we will publish his obitu-
ary in our next.
Love like that of Damon and Pythias still
exists between friends, even in this degenerate
age and this distracted country. An Indiana
man recently ran away with a friends scolding
wife. " e e. @ -
Somebody remarks that young ladies look up
on boy nuisance until he is past the age
sixteen, when he generally doubles up in value
each year, until, like q meerschaum pipe he is
priceless. A.t 8 s.tg- t. =.
A little Boston girl, four years old, created
ripple by remarking to the teacher of her Sun
day-schoOl class :: - Our dogs dead. | bet the
angels was scared when they saw him coming up
the walk. He is awful cross to strangers"
ST. Luis Republican Why do not the medi-
ums settle this Presidential business 1t really
seems as though the spirit of Washington and
the rest of the Presidents might sit as Return
ing Board and send up message which would
be settler to somebody -
People are never satisfied with things as they
are. Give them one and they ask for two; give
them two, and they wonder why you didn't give
them three. They are like the boy who thought
he could improve the Lords Prayer by making it
read: sssGiTe us this day day our daily bread
and butter, with a little cake and some apples
for dessert -...... ..... F..
The champion scholar has been discovered.
Being asked to sign his initials to a document,
he wanted to know what 80 nishuls" were.
&" Why, your name being George Gould, your
want two G's.'' "Oh, / see," he said, and
wrote 90 Geese nFA -f#s.5 f.
Mans WANTs.-Ciiye q man the necessaries of
life and he wants the conveniences. Give him
the conyeniences and he Graves the Inquiries,
Grant him the luzuries and he sighs for the ele-
gancies. Let him have the elegancies and he
yearus for the follies. Give him all together and
he complains that he has been cheated both in
price and quality of the articles. nod ~. -.
One of the teachers in Sunday-school was
s.stumped" badly Sunday afternoon. He was
teaching the infant class, and, after explaining
the lesson as well as he knew how, he threw
open the question box, fguratiyely speaking,
and told the children they might ask HIM any
questions that suggested themselves. lie was
grati6ed by seven year-old girl, who immedi-
ately piped out, "Whos's elected?' He couldn't
tell.
Edward Everett Hale says that he has sc within
six months talked with highly cultivated
Arsriean woman who did not know the difference
between q Sanator and Representative in Con-
gress." And he "went into public school one
day and asked a question about the Battle OF
Brandywfne, and found that the class had never
heard OF It, and was only amused by the droll-
ness of the name
SPAsMs BEFoRE BRANDY.-The following anec-
dose was told of a very clever fellow who had
been somewhat frolicsome, but who had recent
ly Joined the Sons of Temperance. After becom-
ing a Son. he went to Mobile on business, and
was taken sick there. The Physician called on
him, and after having examined him, pronounced
him in very dangerous position, and prescribed
brandy. The sick man told him he could not
take it. The doctor said he must, or he would
have spasms.J 'iWell, said the Son of Tenn
perance, {" viii try a few spasms first" lie
did not take the brandy, nor did he have the
spasms, but went on his way rejoicing.
NKw YORK 1ribaures The little daughter of
very wealthy New Yorker happened not long
ago to hear her small schoolmates congratulating
themselves and one another upon tie regularity
with which their fathers said grace at table.
Her father did not say grace, and, oppressed by a
sense OF inleriorly, the little wept that even
ing and besought him to do it. He said he
thought it was time be began, and asked a bless
ing with an proper feeling at breakfast next
morning younger sister of his little homilist,
O young lady still in the nursery, who had not
heard the previous conversation, looked up sur
prised then her face cleared sc know what
you does it for, papa" said she; its tause
you'se gettin' poor :"
Nor THE ANSWER He ExPEcTED.-One of our
citizens is blessed. otherwise, with very stub
born wife, This popularity of disposition in his
wife is no secret with his associates, and one OF
them meeting him the other day asked
s..Wo@.Tt- do you know why yqu are like
donkey ga. a. - - : ~
- Like q donkey /! ecfioeu W, opening
his eyes wide .ts No, DON'T"
81 Give it up?'
"Yes.n - -
Because your better half is stuhhornness,
iteelf.''
That's not bad. Ha Ha Ill give that to
nv vile when get home. r.-- ..
s. Mrs W he said as he sat down to
supper, 'Do you know why am like dom
key?' fT2EEE Sd ..
He waited a moment, expecting his wife to
give it up. But she didn't. She looked at
Elm aonarrhat nnmmisaratinolv as she ansUarad