Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-01-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

| OAD'E4ED LldIu0uS nave begun 10
look far-away to the time when there
will be another leap-year.
The Chicago Times classes the st.
Louis Directory among "new works of
fiction"
LAUGHING-SToCK was quoted high on
Wall street, recently, the consolidated
Bennett and May" taking the lead by
great odds.
How does the world wag with your"
asked A. so so,' replied B; chow
does it wag with your" "Weli," said
A, 81 wait for the Vaughn"
SAID man in street-car yesterday
"Don't forget the baby; give nv love
to him." Said the other man. evil
IDENTITY Londoner: "'E amt i'm:
e a 'er."-N. Y Herald.
AN alligator fourteen feet long hangs
around Florida hotel in hopes to take
in that Boston woman who passed south
last month with six marriagable daugh-
ters and an orphan niece.
"IN this one hundredth year of our
national existence" is an expression
which will fall no more from the lips of
the orator. and will grace no more the
school-boy's composition.
The editor of New Jersey paper
has had twelve different tickets in
twelve different raffles, and never won
g. goose. He can't shake for shucks,
and when the boys toss up, they use a
cent with two heads and no tails.
LET Turks delight to howl and fight,
for It's their nature to; let Bear and
7 nd ito fo ~ J.
them so. But Yankees, you should
never let your angry passions rise;
don't quarrel; trade, work hard, lie
low, and forward supplies.
A CoUNTRYMAN going down town with
a load of pork was met by young
girl, who genteely made him q very
low courtesy. He exclaimed: "What
do you make q courtesy to dead hogs?"
No, sir" answered she" to the live
one"
ABOUT this time farmers are sitting in
the evenings by their comforting fire.
sides, with pitcher Of cider, plate of
apples and pan of nuts before them.
In the interim between their eating
and drinking they look solemnly up
ward and exclaim: "What awful hard
o1A1Vo' -DUUNtO LIpFcoS.
"WELL, Mrs. Grumblin, what's the
matter with your grandson?" why, doc
tor, his throat very bad. Mr.. Parsons,
the druggist, says as how there's some.
thing wrong with the boras; but you
can see for yourself that he has three
or four big ulsteYs in his throat, besides
which the Jubilee is much im17oted."
NEVER tell woman she has daub
of bnckwheat batter alongside of her
eye, for, ten chances to one, she will
give just one little thud in her chair,
and tell you that she doesn't intend to
be niger wench, and slave her life
out over nasty griddle-there, now!
N. Y. Herald.
A MAN in church fair who had q
ffty-cent bowl of oyster stew suddenly
rose in great excitem ent and began to
pull off his coat and vest. "Why do
you do that?" asked the pious frau
lady who took the fifty cents. "Why,
great heavens he cried, "there's
little oyster drowning away down in
there, and Pm going to dive for it,
IT was the room of sick wife. Life
was at its lowest ebb. She had been
silent and still for nearly an hour.
Suddenly smile of inefable content
beamed from her pale features, and
turning to her husband. who stood by
weeping, she whispered: 90, my dar-
ling, do hope that when [ am gone my
new cardinal stockings will fit my sister
Ann"
A FOND mother was in the act of cut
ting the pie for dinner, and proceeded
to "count noses" as she termed it,
that each might get his or her share,
when q suggestion was made by her
young female hopeful that the parent
count eyes, thinking that if the
amendment was carried, two pieces of
pie would be allotted to each of the
feasters instead of one piece.
Harnmersn,ith omaha utncn:
FLoWER-PoTT- %, at Ham
mersmith, Frederick, Flower, ESQ.,, of
Noting hill, to Eliza Florinda, second
daughter of ]. Pott, auctioneer, Deal.
DAILY Paper.
A Flower (of SPECIFY he found-and wherefore not
| Affection, home and beauty Pott.
| She-paradox of Horticultural clay i
Stuck to the Flower, but threw the Pott away.
English Paper.
HAPPY, happy indeed is the man
who, bending daily over his patient
saw-horse, and supplying the people Of
the republic with wood too long to 90
nto any stove in the house, thinks
that this Cronin they are all talking
about is new actor come over from
Europe to play Shakesperean dramas,
and believes the electoral college to be
an ordinary institution of learning,
looking around for an endowm emit.
Where ignorance is bliss, wisdom is
blister.-GLobe-Dem
JUDGE WALTON edited the lookers-on
at Skowhegan, Maine, the other day.
though the bar looked little solemn.
He was about to sentence q criminal,
when he discovered chap cozily seated
in the bar with his attorneys. The
judge manifested great surprise, and
requested that hereafter the criminals
might be placed outside of the bar so
that he could distinguish them from
their counsel.
The Temperance cause, we are pain
ed to announce, has received another
co cot hon l~ To ~ -