Sharp County record., 1877-11-09
"The IgnOrantest Cuss "

iNA 'NNA'AN
before him. ,.,
{" Yes. sir. What do you want?"
"Well. Won see, the Irish Boys and
the Silver Stars had a game Of ball TO-
day, and we kinder thought as we'd like
to have it published. "
"Is that really so? | knew those two
crack clubs were going to play, but l
thought it was next week. To which
club do you belong?n
1--WE belong to the 'Silver Stars.
I'm ketcher and he's short stop. And
we waxed them other fellers, didn't we,
BHI?m "You bet," responded Bill.
"Why didn't you say so before? The
Irish Boys are a good enough club,
but, by Jove, give me the Silver Stars
Why, I'm delighted to meet both OF
YOU" and the .'editor" rose up, shook
both of them warmly by the hands, and
yelled for the "printers devil" to
"bring the gentlemen chairs"
The two redOubtable Silver Stars
looked at each other very much per-
picked, and seemed at a loss whether to
sit down or dash out of the office. Final
ly they adopted the former plan, and
pulling their chairs over near the door,
so as to be ready to start out at the first
sign of hostilities, sat uspiciOusly eye
inc ''the editor,n who intrenched him.
self behind mass of paper, pencil in
hand. "NOw, then, tell me all about
the game, and III write it down"
Well, the Irish Boys they wus brag-
gin they could beat US, and we said we
had 25 cents which said they couldn't.
We played 'em and give 'em six goose
eggs"
"dOn't tell any lies. 1t is wrong to lie.
Where could you get gOose-eggs this
time of the year?o
The catcher and the short-stOp Of the
Silver Stars looked at "the editorn in
amazement, and then seemed to be
mentally deciding that he was an infer
nal idiot.
"We mean to say" continued the
catcher of the Silver Stars, who was
first to recover from the shock to which
he had been subjected, "that we white.
washed 'em."
"Oh, l see," said the editor, with a
sudden burst of intelligence, "you put
whitewash over them until they looked
like goose-eggs. By Joye, that was a
good idea.
"No,n said the catcher of the Silver
Stars, with rising ire, 1--WE skunked 'em,
you know-skunked 'em."
Skunked 'em-what do you mean by
that?"
"Why, we Chicagoed 'em-gin 'em
no runs"
"Oh, now see," said the editor, al.
most bursting into roar of laughter at
the look of intense relief which came
over the face of the two Silver Stars
$50 right onIa
"We got right on ter the balls of the
pitcher of the Irish Boys in the last in,
nins, and we pounded the life out Of
him.
"Hold on" said the editor, rapidly
writing. "The Silver Stars stood on the
ball in the last inning, and almost killed
the pitcher of the Irish Boys when he
tried to get it."
For two whole minutes the Silver Stars
regarded each other in speechlesS as.
tonishment. Then the short stop pity.
ingly asked:
"Mi.ter, did you ever play base
ball?"
Every little, said "the editor" max
ing hurculean efforts to keep his face
straight, "but I'll scratch this out if il
is not all right"
"Course it isn't right. We means tc
say we hit his balls easy; we knocked
'em hard. hit one for three bags, anc
made a home rum
"YOu did," said " the editor" dash
ing off at a tremendous rate on the pa,
per. "The catcher of the Silver Stars
hit three bags with the ball, and then
ran home with them"
This was too much. The two Silver
Stars got up and unanimously conclud
ed that they must 90.
"What is your hurry?n asked "the
editor,n again shaking their hand:
warmly; " stay little while longer. Il
you can't, come up this afternoon and
bring all your friends with you-glad to
see you any time"
The catcher of the Silver Stars blew
his nose, wiped it on the cuff of his coat,
and led the way down stairs in deep
thought.
At the bottom of the first flight his
feelings could no longer control them
selves.
"BilI," " muttered he "if that fellow
amt the ignorantest cuss l ever saw,
why ye can just shoot me-"
Yes, replied Bill; "but he's awful
friendly, amt he?"-BufalO EzpreSs