Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1877-06-20

sweet" Make an oat OF this
Norristown Heard.
The Lowell Courier thinks that
sand is one of the drawbacks on
sugar.
It's a mistake. Sand is one of
the component parts of sugar.
John," asked o doctor of the
apothecary's boy, did Mrs. Green
get the medicine l ordered!" al
guess So" replied John, "for saw
Grape on the door-knob this morn
ing."-Ex.
The Boston Post finds that the
letter "W" stands for war. Now
let's hear from the later bugs
Pree Press.
The inscription this year is an.
M."-"Murphy Movement."-Cin-
cinnati Commercial.
"No," she replied, and she blush
ed prettily as she slipped her num-
Der skies back beneath her dress
"no, | do not wear so small a shoe
as ones. My size is quite large-l
wear twos."-Free Press.
If the saying were true, how
easily one could earn his living now
by the sweat of his brow! He
would only have to stand in the
sun for a few minutes and he
would be comparatively wealthy
Free Press.
An Indiana girl at Vassar Col
lege writes to her parents: "This
is the most stylish hairpin of a
boarding school | ever tumbled to.
can eat four times day if | want
to, and get fair hack at the hash
every time
"Have you any boned turkey"
asked hungry customer in a Ne
vsda restaurant. The proprietor
laid his hand on his revolver and
cried, "No insinevations here,
young man. We're honest here,
and don't bone nothin."-Ex.
Charles Kingsley said he did not
see why we should not be as just
to an ant as to a human being.
Human beings don't get up your
trousers leg when you are at pic
mic. and scare YOU within two feet
of eteruity.--R ockland Courier.
SUSAN" said the madame of a
boarding school, "you say your
ycung mistress wishes to absent
herself from the classroom this
afternoon is the reason for her
staying away very urgentp "Yes,
mum, it is 'er GENT New Orleans
Republican.
The Courier-Journal says that
the architect who planned the
Rockford Court House was a don
key. There ought to be some way
for other donkeys to resent this in
sult.-Free Press.
And the Free Press as usual
leads the assault.
Dreadful old man (who only be-
lieves in professional music)-"l
hope you amateur gentlemen take
a real pleasure in performing.
Chorus-"Certainly we do Dread.
full old man-"Then, at least, there
is some compensation for the tor.
ture you nAict."-Punch.
"What line of business do you
think / had best adoptr asked 9
young aspirant for the stage of the
"leading man" "Well," said the
old stager, gazing critically at the
youths elegant costume, 81 should
saw the clothes line would suit YOU
best.'-Boston Commercial Bulle-
tin.
There is nothing like an expla.
nation. The following from q
Western journal can not help but
be satisfactory to its readers -
sowing to the death of our chic
editor, there will be no editoria
article on Tuesday, but look on,
for a regular ripper on Wednes'
day."
A philosopher says every married
man should have a dog in the
house. A dog will scare off rob-
bers at night, eat up stale scraps
Of meat, and when you come home
out Of humor and find supper ar
hour in arrears, you can give vent
TO your wrath by kicking the an.
imal clear across the room.-Nor-
riatown Heard.