Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-03-23
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WHY He WEPT.-He left her and step
ped out to see a friend between acts.
"Why, Edward,'' said she when he return
ed, ''there are tears in your eyes," Yes,
pet" replied he solemnly. II suppose
there are-I saw such sad sight when
was out.'' "You did-what was it - ill
CURED she. ''Such sad sight''- continu,
ed he, keeping away that she might not
smell his breath-"I discovered a young
man whom had known for years drink
ing whiskey:'' s'You did ?'' Eyes, ST.; nd
ing right in plain sight before me, partak-
ing deeply and carelessly of the dreadful
and Intoxicating glass;" There was a lit
tie pause, when the young lady suddenly
said: edward, was he standing right il
front of you?'' eyes, pet" was The re-
ply. There was another pause, when the
young lady asked again: Edward, don't
most Of tie fashionable saloon counters
have nice mirrors right On the walls be-
hind them 2" Edward fiushes a little and
looked quizzical as he replied that he ''be-
lieved" they did. And there he permitted
the subject to drop.-Chicago Erening Jour-
nal.
A celebrated vocalist, whose demeanor
and acting were as aW kward and ungainly
as his voice was beautiful, said one day to
Charles Bannister; ''Do you know what
made my voice so melodious?'' No"
replied Bannister. ''Why, then, when l
was fifteen, swallowed by accident some
train OIL" ~ don't think" lejoined
Bannister, lit would lave cone you any
harm if. at the same time, you had swal-
lowed a dancing master.'
As a young man in Matteawa was
bidding her good night in an upper hail,
dimly lighted for the OCCASION lie made
misstep and rolled to the bottom Of the
stains. Are you hurt ?'' she cried i'll ac-
c. Its wild. ''No.' said he, as he pal clied
himself together in the darkness. and
painfully llmped away: 80 no, I amt
hurt a bit, for that S the way usually
descend these blamed Matteawan stairs
There is son etbing refreshing in the al
so1ute establishment that visitors to print
ing office sometimes display at the COM
Ii. nest things. "What is that black-look-
ing tn ng tanning up III that corner? is
some ines asked by al unsoi histlcated
observer; and the nearest typo. answers:
N'Ihat is the printingoffice towel. We.
always stand it up III the corner
The following cypner despatch from
Field to Tllden is now printed for til.
first time: ''Goneup, Dammit, Playedout,
Empty Barl's, Mules Busted, Incomepoop,
Croninsnose, Eclipsed. Bill, Ten Thousand,
Forkover, Joebradiey, Internal, Hartisan,
Hayes-ok. Vale, Dead. Duckfeld.'
Johnny was telling his ma how he was
going to dress and Show off when he wa,>
man. His ma ashed, johnny, how do
you expect to get your living when you get
to be man? s'Well," s., id Jimmy, "I'll
get married and live with my Wife's pa
Nothing is so calculated TO produce sad
ness in the mind of q thinking woman as
to witness the cheerful activity Of a tcwl-
meeting. and to realize that the laws Of
tile land prohibit her from running for i'll
spector of election on a stump ticket.
The Cincinnati ''Coumercial'' says:
'-Why is it that editors never commit
sueide?'' The Burlington ''HaWkeye
has investigated this subject little, and
thinks it is because the druggists won't
sell ssrychn ne On long time.
''Do you know that alphabet,' said one
of the teachers in a Geneva school as she
pointed out line of letters in the primer
to a youngster, a new conner. No; who
did Alpha bet with?'' asked the boy in
surprise.
A man innocently spoiled sermon and
prayer by exclaiming, while the tears roll
ed down his cheeks, Lord, Thou kno st
[ have been an awful sinner-the chief
among ten thousand, and one altogether
lovely.'
You can never tell what a boy will do
within an hourafter you lose sight OF him
but you can safely bet he will not do what
youwant him to do.
There is man in Tennessee with such
big feet that, if lie gets them wet in De-
celnber, he doesn't have cold in his head
until February.
Shoe dealer: 81 find we have no No. 70
shoes; but here is q pair Of large nj, es.r'
Customer: Mines Do you take me for a
Cigderiller?''
A yOung man i'll Wisconsin saved A
young lady from walking off bridge. and
SO far from being grateful for it she aar-
ried him.
The girls who have been hunting for
1jtied husbands abroad say that honest
counts are as scarce there as here.
ALLEN, you said Sally kissed YOU: did
you kiss her back?" mo; I kissed her
face"
4 little boys first pair of pants ALWAYS
ct if the pockets are deep enough.
For what purpose was Eve made2 For