davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-12-21
WIT AND IIUMOR

tV"4 Gull never marry again, Susie,
you grieve SO arter Izic. Was it twice't
you tainted, or three times. at the grave?"
Bless yo' soul, Sary. it was free times
j tainted. an de last time j nebber like
to come too" oh, Susie, you'll nebber
marry again, will yer?"-"Bless yo'
soul, Frann Dunn axt me bout dis be.
fore my husband died, and j promised
him if Inc died I'd hab him, an | b'longs
TO de church, an i won't tell lie"
10 An exchange asks. "What is be-
coming of our young menu" II might
not be bad idea to examine some Of
the jails and penitentiaries.
~ Tho politest OF oil darkies lives
near Newark. When he meets a gen.
tleman Of his own color by moonlight
he says: MIR. Sam, do. you know any
place in de ncighborhood whar gen
tleman might borrow n chicken?"
~ Coclasive.-" Mankind, " said q
preacher, includes woman; for man
embraces woman"
tg'A Irish gentleman, hearing of q
friend having n stone coffin made fol
himself, exclaimed 'By me sowl, an
that's good idee SEure, an n stone
coffin 'ud last man his lifetime"
EV Literary young man at n party
Miss Jones, have you seen "Crabbe'
Talcs?"
Young lady, scornrully-I was no
aware that crabs had tails.
Literary young man, covered will
confusion-I beg yonr pardon, miss
should have satd, read Crabbe's Tales.
Young lady, angriIy, scornfully-
And was not aware that rcd crabs ha,
tails, either
Exit young man.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-12-21
READ THE ANNOUNCEMENT
OF TIE
Murray Hill Publishing Co.

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South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-12-21
JACK SONS
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South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-12-21

FEFsH Publications.. We win sup
D ply DR.. FcOTR's Free Publea-
/ hSses lions. :" GrdfuitOus 4 drice 10 fht
SICK" abroad az ,geH AZ at hOUe n circular Of
yalue 10 the sick. " EtideHces Qr jIr. FCOte,s
lsi.eoess !" sixty page pamphlet, JrsS BY mail
Send for them
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-12-21
JOHASOH, CLARK & Co.,

so Union Square, Rev York
6o4 Washington strest, Boston, Macs.
1lll ssoozd Ave, Pittsburgh, Ia.
III State Street., Chicago, Ill.
81 South sth Street, 81. Leafs. ~
AZ Rsv Montgomery O., San Fgsaoi55o, o.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-12-21

~ Coclasive.-" Mankind, " said q
preacher, includes woman; for man
embraces woman"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-12-21

to The Irish peasantry are often very
ready and happy in their replies. An
old beggar woman once besieged Gen.
V and his wife for charity: For.
sure, didn't / dream last night that her
ladyship gave me a pound Of tea, and
that your honor gave me pound Of 10
bscco.' But, my good woman" said
TIC General do you not know that
dreams always 90 by the rule Of con
trary?' "Do they So phase your hon,
orr rcjoined the woman. then itmust
be your honor that will give me tie tea
and her ladyship that will give me the
tobacco"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-12-21

COURT FooLs.-Some of the sayings
or answers ascribed 10 fools are very
good. win Somers, Henry the Eighth's
jester, said Of Wolsey, against whom he
Ina grudge, that if he was ma lie Pope
1t would be great 'boor "lor th at Pc
ter, being fisherman, had ordered peo.
pie to eat fish in Lent, for the good Of
the ira IL, but thai Wo's9y being butch
er's son. would be all for butchers
meat" Archie Arm,trong has his re-
venge upon Archbishop Laul, who Of
Tended him, by saying, as his grace be-
ore meat, Great praise TO God. and
Little Laud 10th Devil" 1t is reported
OF more than one Court fool, aa / among
others Of Friboulet. the foil Of Francis
IT, that when told by his sovereign that
II certain courtier beat him to death
- he threatened, he would hang him
II: hour atter bis request was that His
Majesty would rather DO so Me h9ur be-
5Ife. The earliest French fool on re
cord seems TO have been one. named
Jean, at the Court OF Charles the Sim
Pile. OF whom D.. ID ,ran tells us some
anecdotes. This good fellows inau-
ence was so great that Charles once re-
marked to him he thought they had bet.
ter change places. AS Jean did not
look well pleased at the proposal,
Charles asked him if he were not con.
tent at the idea OF being king. ooh,
content enough" was the reply, but |
should be exceedingly ashamed at hav.
ing such fool 1t was this fool who
once tried his masters nerves by rush |
ing into his room one morning with the !
exclamation, Oh, sire, such Eews four
thousand men have risen in the city,
What! cried the startled King. with
what intention have they risen?' We'll, /
said Jean, placing bis finger on his nose
probably with the intention of lying
down again at bed ii inc
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

The defeat OF Malone will cause 4 slight
advance in Virginia bonds, though there IS
no great amount Of comfort for bondhold-
crs in Holidays position. Like the states
man who was in favor OF the temperance
law but opposed to its enforcement, llolli-
dav plants himself upon the ground OF "no
repudiation' and "no increase OF taxa
tion.'' This is what would be called IN
Wall-Street parlancc Il g straddlc.' Every
man with sense enough to 20 i'll out OF the
rain knows that there must be increase OF
taxation in Virginia or partial Reputation
Of the debt. 4 tive-mill tax will not sup
port the Government and pay interest any
more than pint measure will hold quart.
An annual deficit of over 100000 tells the
story. My own notion is that partial rcpl-
diation is certain future event in Virginia.
do not see how it can be avoided. All prop
ositions in the Convention, so far, looking TO
an increase OF taxation have been received
with groans and Kisses. Public sentiment
is plainly against it. The honor OF the
proud old Commonwealth is i line thing to
talk about. but any attempt to sustain SAID
honor with a SiX-and-a-half-mill tax would
be resisted. An honor that is all talkand no
reality, and Which costs nothing to sustain,
is the most popular.-H. 7. Redfcld In the
Cincinnati Commercial. -..'
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

fanatics themselves 10 submit andto restrain
them from their freazied movements that
can only make man miserable and bring an
archy upon all lands where they triumph
Arbitrary power to hold these fanatics III
check is 4 blessing in any land.
we tr,,s. that the conditions IN our coua'
fry are such as to enable the, nation to mann
tain repuplicanism yetfor long years: bul
we sec now manifestations OF the tut hu'e"'
snirit and wild follies of the men VINO nave
no respect for things sacred, and who "onio
force upon the nation their impractlcable
,olIles. II is only needed that these enc
mics OF mankind should have numbers and
power enough to call for the protection OF
strong government and military force to
transmute our own Government INTO one
that will 10 more resemble republicanism
than does tho Government Of France.
Republicanism is the best government
where people have the Intelligence and vir'
tue to deserve and maintain it, but the very
worst where they have not this virtue. intel
ligencc, and persona! independence.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18
Reputation.
sMrTHrIELD, August is, 1877.


To the:Norfok Tirginian sz
II the question OF reputation admitted OF
n negative argument it needs none.
Republication, compulsory adjustment, CO.
ercite compromise, are synonymous terms,
and the advocates OF either scheme may
simply be referred to the Eighth command
ment, and left only with its solemn ln1unc-
ton. = .!5s - 'a
II that invisible law of the omnlpotent
Jehovah will not arrest designs to commit
larceny, we fear, with mortlhcatlon ana
shame, a conspirator against his neighbor's
property would not withhold his hands from
picking and stealing, though one should
rise from the dead to admonish him.
The dilemma in which the public debt
and general credit OF Virginia is placed
admits Of only the alternative OF an increase
OF taxation. Torture it as we may; call in
all possible new subjects OF taxation, with
all the anticipations OF the now enlolned
Moffett punch economic until the eH-
penscs of the State have reached the MINI
mum, and still there will be dehclt-uniesS,
what seems improbable, the puohc-scnooi
system is abolished. = ~ -.
Others may think 'and'act as they choose,
but and my friends are for raising suffl-
cient revenue to bury the word reputation
in grave as deep as from the surface to the
centre. 80. JOHN Il. lChDiE.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

- I'D
While strikes, have been reported on
nearly. every other, Important railroad line
in the country, business has continued as
usual OH the Chesapeake and Ohio railroad
line, on which our old friend, Major \. FL.
Hotchkiss, is employed. 4 rumor was cir
culated In one of the Richmond papers that
the men employed in the shops OF that road
had held meeting and resolved to strike.
The employees were indignant at the state
ment, and Immediately u paper was circu-
lated and signed by hundreds Of the
employees denying that they had any
intention to quit work, and speaking
in the highest terms OF the receiver,
General Wickhanl, and the other officials.
The men felt that the officials were doing
the best they could by them, and not squan-
dering money on themselves, rs is the case
with most of the roads where trouble has
been caused by Il reduction Of wages. Gen
eral Wickham visited the employees in the
shops after receiving their kind protest, and
addressed the employees in neat speech,
which showed that the best Of feeling ex-
listed among officials and employees. This
case shows that it is not in the South that
the turbulent element most abounds, and
that officers that use their employees fairly
and make no displays themselves will
always have the cooperation and goodwill
of employe Democratic Leader, Bing
hd1nton, n, Y.Irs... -s ...ss : .f.-.zi ...te
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18
A Fizzle of Republicanism,

Late kilograms bring an account OF what
is called conspiracy" Of republicanism
in Spain. it was nipped in the plot by
..rnany arrests y; and it is announced that
.tperfect tranquility prevails throughout
the country Exactly. Order reigns.
In France, IMAGINATION continues to hold
the rcins, while the republicans and anar-
chists are continually giving him trouble.
But who is satisfied with the French Gov
eminent as Il '.republican y form OF gov
eminent? 1t is evident that arbitrary
power is in the ascendant, while monarchy
is in the iar-advanced bud, approaching the
Towering state. Htf@.
Republicansm " makes no advance in
Europe, and all its attempts are shackled
with disadvantages. SO decidedly has ii
failed that certainly it is time for America
to cease rejoicing at every sign OF repub-
lican agaitation in European Kingdoms.
When republican emeute is developed
it is the signal for new troubles to man.
kind, which will probably involve great loss
OF life and property, and end in the more
perfect establishment OF the monarchcal
principle.
So sweeping is the decision against re.
publicanism in Europe that we think it is
time for Americans to accept it as final de.
cision that for dense communities arbitrary
power is necessary. The military force is
the only check upon the outburst OF pas.
sionate ianaticism that presumes to attempt
to revolutionize the economy OF life, and
discard all the precoaceived ideas Of moral.
and OF political and physical economy Of ;
people, Such ideas are always nur
turea in the minds OF men who are 81
convinced oil the truth OF their view,
fnat they are satisfied that they have tn,
right to ccerce Submission OF all peopl
to their will. They haze no respect for thu
supreme Creator and Ruler Of the Uni
verse; and, setting themselves above tina
crest Being, deem themselves empowere.
70 shay Ind reduce to submission all PEG
pes. y Is happy for mankind that there
5s = power OF force sufficient to compel thes
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

THE PEATFoRM.-The Virginia platform,
boiled down, simply calls for economy in
State expenditures. a REIMBURSEMENT OF the
state debt so that the present rate Oh taxa
ton will pay interest upon all OF our in
debtedness, and to place our creditors upon
the same footing. This latter means to pay
interest on that part not now bearing inter
est as well as that we do pay on. In othar
words, Virginia says she cannot bear IN
creased taxation, and with her present reve-
nue. will pay all she can. That Is honoraple
and candid. Who would do less: None
but Observation-Disclosures who would pay
nothing. The debt is an honest and bind
ing one, and in our straitened cireum-
stances to pay what we can is honorable to
Virginia and will be satisfactory to our ere
ditors, II not, and they refuse to rearl1ust,
Reputation will surely follow.-Harr'son-
bur1 Old Commonwealth.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

The views expressed by Senator Med
aid, Of Indiana, to representative OF the
Times, yesterday. in relation. to the recent
railroad strikes and the measures necessary
for the protection OF railroad commerce IN
future, deserve the attention OF the pubic
and Of Congress. The Senator holds that
these channels of trade have outgroWn the
narrow limits OF the State authority which
created them, and that the National Govern
ment will have to protect them precisely as
itiprotects commerce on lakes and rivers.
The stoppage or destruction Of trains must
be made acrime OF the grade Of piracy, and
the men who operate roads heldto the same
accountability for offences against the prop
erty rs those who man steamships at sea or
on the internal waters of the country
Chicago Times. r ia'ts ~ - -'.-.s -
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

Give the South Side Il chance. The pa
perS and orators Of that section complain
very much of neglect. General MALONE
claims that it is sighted region. In his
speech in Petersburg the other day ne said ::
aThe end we reached was in the pursuit
OF that line OF policy which had been con-
sideratelv formed at the beginning-formed
without reference or prejudice to persons,
but with distinct respect to your better IN
terests and due regard to the Just claims OF
another great section OF the Commonwealth:
TO uour o,rn grand division Of the State,
whose people have never faltered in any
cause of party or of patriotism. or to the Val
lev OF Virginia, ac0S in all fairness dtc the
honor 1rhick yoW partiotity ,coMd haze corr
feyred anon me. And so, fellow-citiZens, 1t
was determined by my friends (and | most
cordially approved their decision) TO yield
the chances Of personal promotion to that
sense of Justice and to that wisdom OF policy
which Your public conduct has ever dis
PLAYED. You thereby recognized and en-
forced that principle of reciprocity 6et"een
the sections aoilich IN tie distribution OF pu6-
lie houors has been too Tong and too often
diSrcgarded. D - ......-...
This language means that the South Side
is entitled to honors that have not been ac-
corded to her. In appointing an Attorney
General, e Governor KEmPEI ought to take
into consideration the facts recited by Gene
raj MALONE. And so ought the body which
is to nominate another candidate for that
high and important office. There are many
accomplished lawycfSsouth ofthe james.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

HAYES Not CONFERENCE.-THE every
collection OF men, however distinguished
and able, there will always be some fools.
The Richmond Gubernatorial Convention
could not evade this law. Upon dead
certainty there was one fool there. He 1t
was who offered the resolution compliment
ing Rutherford B. Hayes, and endorsing bis
administration. 49, ...-.....-., .....
II may be that lie thought that such rcso-
luton would be worth an office to him.
However that may be, it was referred to the
Committee on Resolutions, and never was
heard OF afterwards. In this instance also
the Convention illustrated its title to the
respect and the gratitude OF the people.
Loudotm Enterprise. ., Ill f....:
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

Dressed beef is now shipped to Europe
from South America. A cargo has recently
been shipped from lilo Plata to Rouen,
France. 1t arrived in good: condition.
Some of the beef sentfrom our ports to Eng
land has arrived out in such bad condition
as to originate prosecutions against retail
ers for selling beef "unfit for food" The
trade in dressed beef will have to be con-
Quoted with more care. Ii we'll conducted
It will increase. 1t will be highly beneficial
TO the poorer classes OF the dense European
populations. >, -..-....... ...... $50.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

The question OF the public debt is by no
means decided by the action OF the Conren-
ton. The party Of whom General Malone
was the leader attempted to run candidate
and adopt platform that would take astand
against the full payment of the debt or in
terest. In this they were not successful.
The question, however, must be considered
as practically waived by the Convention,
and remanded to the Legislature, where it
properly belongs. 1t will doubtless be made
live issue in the election Of members to
the General Assembly, and the people OF
the State will thus virtually determine the
action of the Legislature by their votes at
the approaching election Culpeper Ne,cs.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18
DEATHS.

Died. on Thursday. 10th Instant mt half-past
o'clock r. M.iC0RNELIA BLAIR, youngest
daughter Of Johnand Cornella A. blair.
Her funeral will take -pluce THIS -iSaturtiayt
MORNING at o o'clock from Grace-Street Presby-
feran church (Dr. Read's). Friends OF tho family
Invited to attend without further notice,
Died, near Manchester, Va, August ~. 1877.
CHARLIE, youngest child OF u. X. and IL l. Morris
settle aged two years and five months.
The bereaved and afflicted parents find their COM
fort In the words of Jesus their Saviour: ''Sutfcr
little children and forbid them not, 10 come unto
me: for of such is the kingdom of Heaven: and.
Sorrow not even 4. others who have no hope
His funeral will take place froui the residence or
his parents TO-DAY Saturday Mt O'Clock T. NJ.
Died mt Coolwell. New Kent county, Va. on the
18th OF Angus. 1877, EDWARD b. SELDEN
aged scvcnty-six wears.
Memphis iTcnn.). Lyncbburg and Fredericksburg
(Fa.) papers please copy. =
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

"SUcH Is FAME."-The newspapers OF
Richmond got the name OF Major S. J. G..
Moore, OF Clarke, terribly "miSed" in pub
fishing the proceedings Of the State Con-
vention. At one place the Dispatch put
him down as "Samuel Moon" Again,
when the. Major, as chairman OF the Com
mittce on Permanent Organization. was
making his report, he appeared in the same
paper rs IS. J. G. Ward" The Wing put
him down as rs. J. Seymour" thus pre-
serving the sound il not the manner OF
spelling his name.-Ctarke Courier.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18

NATIONAL EDECATIoSAL ASSOCIATION.
louisville, Ky, August l6.TThe National
Educational Association adjourned to-.
night. A committee Was appointed to me-
moralize Congress on behalf Eof a Natioual
Educational Bureauand Museum. The next
place OF meeting was not fixed. 'tTherewas
an interesting discussion Of the educational
wants OF the South by 3Mr,W iekersham, OF
PENNSYLVANIA, and Mr. Hancock, Of Ohio.
Many Of the members leftfor the Mammoth
Cave tonight.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-08-18
Pleasant NeighborS.

Our Cuban neighbors have been taking
an active hand Of late at annoying lis. me
Spanish cruisers Of the Cuban coast nave
been firing into our ships-lncrchant YES
scls-and giving. the Federal Adminlstra-
ton trouble. They have fired into Tour OF
them, Each case has to he investigated.
and good account will have to be given
BY these Spanish vessels or satisfaction rem
dercd. 1t is 4 question, also, how long
these annoyanceS should be endured, even
with the explanations. Such repeated in
suits could not be given by intelligent otfi-
GERS desiring to preserve the attitude OF
friendship.
These ncighborly manifestations on the
sea arc but slight diversion from the
greater outrages pcrpctratcd by the Next
can marauders on our southern border. A
standing telegram from that direction Is the
announcement OF "anothcr outrage BY
thieves from across The border they
steal. and murder, and burn. and fly before
the wind to their hiding places in their own
territory.
Summary and severe retaliation would
check these outragcs but we imagine the
uushot OF the disturbed relations between
the United States and these ncighborS will
be the policing of both Mexico and Cuba,
and the holding them in custody as security
for their good behavior. OF course all
would anticipate the end of this sort OF
proceeding; and yet it has to come. Per-
manent peace with such neighbors is itn-
possible; and this nation cannot escape the
duty which will be forced upon it.