The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-22
NO. Al.
AN OLD-FASHIONED SCHOOL DIREC
TOR,

Mr.. Timothy Search was highly elated
over his election to the vacant chair in the
school board Of his district. and he at once
began to take an interest in educational at
fairs. He wanted plain teaching, he said
didn't want any high-ialutin' learning forced
upon the scholars, and declared that he
would kick the first teacher out of the
school-house who attempted to stuff the
children with the new-fanged notions.
Therefore the new director was startled
when his most promising so told him that
the teacher proposed to introduce algebra
into the school
"What kind of study is that ~ asked
Mrs. Search. Timothy, III be bound that
it's some outlandish book that the dominic
has writ. My sons brains shan't be stuffed
with it.
Doesn't the sound OF the name tell you
what kind ola study it Is ?" said Search
"Why, it's the history Of ncw-fangled
animal related to the zebra, suppose.
Blamed if he shall teach it in this school
district !"
That very afternoon the new school di-
rector visited the school for the first time.
He was graciousIy received by the new
teacher, who was listening to class in
geography.
Il understand, Mr. that you want to in
troduce the history of the algebra into the
school ~ said Search
Il had thought Of doing So"
Had thought of it, ch ? Well, let it 90 no
further than that. | don't want my children
to know anything about such outlandish
animals The algebra may run wild in his
native country, but we don't want him
troubling the children in our school, that
we don't"
But Mr.. Search, the new study viii
assist the scholars in mathematics"
"See here, that's too thin If would
read this history of the rhinocerous, could
| subtract better than [ do? Would the
biography of the giraffe enable me to
multiply with more facility? Now, sir,
answer these questions, and tell me how
the algebra could advance the children in
arithmetic"
You misunderstood me, sir" said the
teacher. "Algebra Is not an animal-no
more than hydrostatics.
Hydro thunder' exclaimed Search.
II suppose you'd like to introduce acrim-
onics into the school With my consent
10 tomtoolory shall be taught in this dis
trict. The algebra is as much an animal
as the gyasticutas is, and if | hear another
word about teaching its history to the
scholars, I'll be blamed if you can't leave"
Sir, I regret that we differ. What shall
teach ?"
Teach good common sense, sir," said
Search ''teach that this world is fat. as
reason and cur eyesight tells us. We don't
want any round worlds swingin on nothin'
in this distict, and we don't care if the sun
is ninety five miles off Teach the boy that
Andy johnson was better man than
Columbus, and if I hear that You try to
make them believe that Martin Van Burcn
was elected President honestly, burned if
you can't leave this district. We had a
teler teachin here once who talked about
Cromwell, Braddocl,, and lot of other old
Romans, and | worried the directors till
they turned him of. You needn't teach
the girls anything in particular they learn
too fast anyhow, The other teacher filed
their heads full of Cleo-somebodv till they
called the boys Antony aud Caesar. We
want good solid, education If you know
how old Crrsus made his money, tell the
boys, but no stuff Of the filthy habits of
algebra, or any other wild beast The show
business is not paying this summer and We
don't want our boys to be Barnum $ and
Dan Rice's. You might tell them how
Ben Franklin caught thunder and lightnin'
in bottle, for that is scientific. but tell
them to keep away from walnut trees in
thunder storm"
you've no objections to my teaching
little hygiene?"
II have sir. No new tangled doctrines
in this school, | tell you No high aiane
and no low giene, but if you want to intro
duce Robinson Crusoe into the school, I'll
assist you. But no such studies as algebra
and high giene while I'm director. After
while you II want to teach that the earth
isn't half as big as the sun. Darn Your
stuff"
The teacher has hard row to hoe in
district, and he doesn't teach
algebra either
IL