St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-04-13
Squibs.

sheet of music when you can go to
church and get it by the choir for moth
ing.
Some genius proposes to introduce
paper shirts. But shirt made out of
il story paper would have too many
tales.-NOrristOU Herald.
A Detroit restaurateur hangs out
sign of ''free chops" and when the old
lOafers come around he shows them an
axe and wood pile.
There is time for all things. The
time for an ink bottle to tip over on
your writing paper is just when you
have finished letter.-Oa City Derrick.
81 came out of the accident" said he,
''and who do you think was the first
person l met =" s'Who? ?" "WhO but
that eternal prize package peddler who
had bored me for six hundred miles on
the train, and he was the only one
aboard who was hurt some way"
A Detroit newspaper reporter has
been admitted to the bar.-ET. That's
no uncommon thing. Lots of Philadel-
phia newspaper reporters are admitted
to the bar every day-and the bar-ten-
der is glad to see them when they don't
tell him to ''put it on the slate."-
NOrristOWn Herald.
Prof. Max Muller assures us that the
word "lndia" is corruption Of the
Persian word ''Shindu." Our Indians,
therefore, ought really to be called
Shindyans, and from the number of
shindies in which they engage, we have
a dark suspicion that they know it
Phild Bulletin.
He was praising her beautiful hair,
and begging for one tiny curl, when
her little brother said: 80, my 'taint
nothin' now. You just ought to have
seen how long it hangs down when she
hangs it on the side of the table to
comb it, Then they laughed, and she
called her brother cute little angel,
and when the young man was going
away and heard that boy yelling, he
thought the lad was taken suddenly
and dangerously i'll.
'Now, my young friends, can you tell
me who Leonidas was ?' ayes, sir;
yes, sir. He was a member of the
Legislature" 'And what makes YOU
think he was member of the Legis-
lature, my children ?" "Becanse, sir,
he held pass with Spartan tirmness."
-LOuisUille Courier Journal.
Irate editor: Excuse me, sir; our
paper should he an authority on church
matters. We have got Dean on our
staff. Clergyman All, but what you
want is Bishop. Editor: Why, sir?
Clergyman Because your statements
continually need Funny
Folks.
A Stockton, Cal, thief has laid the
foundation of fortune, by a new
dodge. He goes to photograph gal
lery, orders quantity of pictures and
bOrrOws the operators watch and chain,
just to wear while he is sitting for them.
| When the operator goes into the dark
room, the setter goes out and is seen no
more.
The Detroit Free Press announces
that the salaries of good base ball
| players will this year range from TWEEN
ty dollars per week down to a whack
under the jaw, for jumping into mans
garden after the ball.
80, yes," said an old lady, "the
modern cook stove is great invention,
and when my boy James gets through
his studies in practical engineering, so
he can come home and run it, I'll buy
one of 'em, but not afore.n :.
The Spitz is no longer fashionable as
a pet, and hundreds of aristocratic
young ladies of New York, are thus
thrown out of employment, unless they
transfer their fOndling to the poodle
that wears Eyeglasses and an eXagger-
ated shirt collar and parts his hair in
the middle.-N0rriStOUn Herald.
A AKansas farmer purchased a revolver
for his wife, and insisted on target
practice, so that she could defend her
house in case of his absence. After the
bullet had been dug out of his leg and
the COW buried, he said he guessed that
she'd better shoot with an ak.
S., who was travelling in Kansas, re-
ceived the following telegram IRE
turn Immediately. You are fathern
On the eve of his return his lady friends,
determined to play a Joke on him, pro-
cured from the neighborhood three
other babies, placed all four in row
on bed in an adjoining apartment,
and covered them up. S. arrived, en-
braced his wife in great delight, and
was then led forth to behold his first
born. When the cover was raised, an
indescribable look of surprise over
spread his countenance as he exclaimed,
"Great God ! Did any of them get
away 9"-AmSterddm Recorder.
Ipecac is now spelled SO simply and
plainly, that the price is down, and
most any poOr.man can buy enough to
last him a week, for five ceuts.-DetrOt
Free Press.
A writer in Scribner has an article on
the subject, "HOw to Keep the Boys on
the Farm" He evidently means well,
but he doesn't touch the point. To
keep the boys on the farm, the farm
should be well paved, and lighted with
gas, and have band stand, and billiard
tables, and its own bar and race course.
We hope our farmers are just as anx-
iOus as they appear to keep their boys
on the farm, but they don't seem to take
any definite action.-DanbuTy Nelos.
''Now, then, state your case" said a
Detroit lawyer the other day, as he put
the five dollar bill away in his vest
pocket "Well," began his client,
suppose the man living next door
wants TO put barn right up against
my line, coming within two feet of my
house ?" ale can't do it, sir-can't do
any such thing" replied the lawyer.
But | want to put my barn right up
against his line," remarked the client.
"Oh-ah-yes, see. Well, sir, go right
ahead and put your barn there. All
the law in the case is on your side."-
Detroit Free Press.
Yesterday a gentleman residing in
neat, modest cottage in the surburbs
caught a tramp prowling about his
| hack yard evidently frying tn steal