Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-02-16
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BEFORE AND AFTER ELECTIoN.-"The
baby has got a new tooth, but the old lady
is laid up with a cold in her head" remark
ed 4 gentleman yesterday afternoon to a
defeated candidate.
sWhat the -- do | care ?" was the
reply. "Well," said the gentleman slowly,
''before the election you used to take me
to one side, and ask me how my family
was coming on, and I've been hunting you
all over town to tell you. and that's the
way you talk to me. But it don't make
any difference, [ voted for the other can
didate anyhow"
Some signs may be relied on. When a
lady makes a young man a pr sent Of a
handkerchief, and he Immediately p'o-
ceeds to lock it up in a drawer, notWith-
standing that he has a cold in his head and
his washing hasn't been brought home, it
is usually safe to presume that lie is i'll
love.
s.What a strain that is!'' said Mrs. Part
ington, as she. heard an air from Lucia
sung in the highest style by d young lady
where she was visiting. Eyes," was the
response; sit is operatic." upper attic
is it ?" questioned she. 81 should think
it was high enough to be on top of the
house."
The rapid and emphatic recital of tile
following. is said to be an infallible cur;
for lisping: Hobbs meets Snobbs and
Nobbs. Hobbs hobs to Snobbs and Nobb>
Hobbs nobs with Snobbs and robs Nobbs'
fob. "That is" says Nobbs, ''the worse
for Hobbs Job and Snobbs sobs.
A New York school-master told a young
miss that the word obligatory" meal
binding, w%hereupon she laid her head upoi
her hand. and after a brief cogitation,
handed the teacher this sentence THE
obligatory of my spelling book is worn
out" He tainted.
I'm a Philadelphia alderman said a
stout, pompou little man as he approach
ed the turnstile on the opening day. sob.
that's no NATTER answered the gate
keeper. "That don't exclude you. Pay
your fifty cents and you can go in just the
same as the rest.
According toIan exchange George Eliot
says that the peculiar waving of the feel
ers of the common cockroach are not in
dicative of derision or contempt, but are
the EXPRESSIONS of an earnest soul vainly
striving to grasp a vanishing ideal.
ELIlL;1 w., ;ouo1 .. co;I Dot .sI ", ro;o1,fu
sorry We can't dine with me today"
ssArraIl, and why can't I dine with YEP"
said the astonished Phil. "Recause, my
DEAR" returned Pat, Il haven't asked We
as YETI
AS the rain falls impartially on the I'M
just, so the pale moonbeams, that lend in
SEPARATION to the lovers COWS, creep through
cracks in a hen house n show the mid
night naturalist where the best pullet is
roosting.
A man in an American rural settlement,
twenty years, has suddenly and perma-
nently given up the practice. He knocked
the ashes off his pipe into a key of blast
ing powder.
A bashful young man, while out driving
with the sdearest girl in the world" the
other day, had to get out and buckle the
crupper, and hesitatingly explained that
'the animals hustle had come loose
Emerson delivered a lecture the other
evening on Things that Pay His re-
marks were entirely empirical, and made
no allusion to running a country newspa-
per.
A city missionary was asked the ca use of
his poverty. "Princ1pally." said he. with
a twinkle in his eyes. because | have
preached SO much without notes.
A Wisconsin editor having written of a
deceased gentleman that sickness bad
impaired his health" a rival rejeined:
Yes; it often has that effect"
The joys of this world are indeed fleet
ing, but when a lot Of boiled molasses gets
into a girls hair at a candy-pulling, itmay
stick for weeks.
An old Massachusetts, house, torn down
the other day, contained 200 empty pare
goric bottles, but the children were all
dead.
The sting of a bee carries conviction
with if. It makes a man to beele aver at