The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1877-04-26
SOME FUN.
sHvcKEns WOULDN'T TAKE THE COFFIN.

sHJcKERs WOULDN'T TAKE THE coFTTR.
Over in Wilmington, theother day, mar
named William D. Shuckers died. Itseems
that there was another man in the city
bearing precisely the same name, and when
the death was announced, a good many Of
his friends thought he was dead, and they
resolved to go to tltSfuneral. On the day
of tho funeral the living Shuckers also
thought he would go, partly for the purpose
Of ascertaining how it felt to participate in
the obsequies Of man named, VIM. D.
Shuekers. He took up position in the
vestibule, and just as the mourners were
about 20 come out g friend Of his, named
Jones, saw him. The first impulse of Jones
was to rush through the kitchen, and climb
suddenly over the back fence, but he con-
trolled himself, and after poking Shpckers
in the ribs with his umbrella to de-
ternine positively that he was not a ghost.
he remarked:
why, Shuckers, what on earth are
you doing here? Why amt you in your
coffin ?"
"Cofin - exclaimed shuekers.; what d
you meanf What do I want with q
cofin?"
"Air. Shuckers, you know yoa are dead,
Why, they got up al this gorgeous funeral
for you, all these carriages and pau-bearers
and things, and the clergymanis just been
paying Jou splendid compliments that
any dead man might be proud Of
bat tell you I'm not deaA- Tn as
much awe as you are
''There is no use Of arguing the point.
Sh1ckers; tho occasion is too solemn for
controversy. But If you have any consid-
Grafton for the feelings of your bereaved
family, who are weeping like mad up stairs,
and for the undertaken, who Is waiting in
side there with the screw-driver, you viii
go and get into your coffin and behave.
It's indecent to carry on SO at your own
funeral"
Jones'" my boy sai? ;. Sbuckers, '.yoG
have mistaken-
''No, I'm not mistaken. You're dead
technically dead-anyhow. It has been
announced IN all the papers, your relations
have gone into mourning, the Board ot
Trade has passed resolutions Of regret, the
sepulchre has been dug, up there IN the
cemetery, and the undertaken has gone to
considerable expense to intez you COM
fortabIy. Now, go and lie down, won't
you ?"
Hang the undertaken p said shuekers.
''No, III not go End lie down III see you
m Kansas first
"Now, see here, Shuckers, came here to
atte1.d your funeral, and I'm not going to
be bafaod by any unseeEIy conduct on
the part of the corpse. Oh you needn't
lool at me. Either You get back into that
coffin, SOS the lid can be screwed on. and
the procession can move off, or I'll put you
in there by force. If inanimate romaina
like you can go scooting round in this in.
cendiary manner, Wen soon have the ceme-
! Ceries unloading, and the unnumbered dead
crowding out and wanting to vote
Then Jones called the undertaken, who
knocked Shuekers down with a cane, and
/ held him until he explained, and until the
scared undertaken recovered his equanimity,
which left him at the bare suggestion that
the corpse was loose. Then the funeral
moved on to the cemetery, and Jones vent
home, while ShuckeFs proceeded to an
Rlderman's Office to swear out warrant
! against the undertaken for assault and bat
terry. He intends to change his name t.
Duykinch