The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-05-05
Trotty's Lecture Bureau.

Master Trotty climbed upon the bu-
reau, and Nate and Nita sat down upon
a wheelbarrow, and they shut the door
of the tool house, and Trotty opened the
French grammar and delivered the open
ing lecture of the course, as follows:
"MY LECTURE BUREAU.
LECTURE THE FIRST: woNANs sUFFERINGs.
my subject, gentlemen and few
ladies', is woman's sutferings. Conjuga-
ton the first.
Wis lecture bureau is a little rickety,
and I'll be obliged to you, ladies and
gentlemen, if Nate wouldn't just sit
giggling. You can't laugh, too, unless
you have four casters. 1tisn't very safe.
"Womsn's sufferings. Hem! Ho-
haw-hem! Woman's sufferings, my
friends, is an awful subjects norful
subject. 1t has been wroten on. 1t has
been lectured to. I've heard ministers
pray TO it, and my brother Max makes
fun of it. Pause.
81 never heard it lcctured at on such
a rickety old bureau as this.
my brethren, women should never
vote-should never vote, gentlemen and
amt strong enough. Vey cannot go to
war, ladies and gentlemen!
My papa went to war. But he died.
But he wasn't woman.
"My friends, l tell you, girls amt
groom to vote. They wear dresses.
They can't play baseball Once Knew
girl tried to spin top, but she
couldn't 1t wasn't Nita; she needn't
fink. Nita was married to me. She
knows better. Brethren, l tell you Wis
on purposely-women can-nOt vote, tell
you!
My friends, Wis is a solemn subject.
Let me say few words to you as a mo-
mentum of this matter. My brother
Max he gave me a mold bad cent once as
a momentum of him, but frew it down
the we'll, you'd better fink! My brother
Max says, if women should vote, this
country would 60 to -
If the gentlemen in Wis audience
don't stop frowing paper balls at Wis
lecture bureau, l will neoer assume this
subject without four casters!
Brethren, If the donkey of my
brother should carry the pink silk UNI
brella of my sister-in-law'-oh, hunt
could woman leave her baby crying in
the cradle, l AK you?
Vat about the donkey is printed in
the book, but don't seem to stand very
straight without juggling, and ven you
hit you head against the cobwebs on
top, fink this lecture is most trough.
Gentlemen, | appeal to you! Itch
-well-if the hat of my father-inlaw
is in the cage of the monkey of my great
grandmother, ven, I'd like to know, when
woman should voted, if Wis country
would not go to smash, sir! l ak you,
fellow citizens and hearers, in the irregu-
| lar declension and indicative case, i'll
| ak you if-ladies and brethren and fellow
gentlemen, whether Wis county"
There was pause, and then a noise.
1t was a solemn pause. 1t was dread
full noise. What, under the depressing
| circumstance pictured by the lecturer,
will become of the country | cannot say.
But what became of the bureau is quite
clear. If the country does not 60 to
smash, that lecture bureau did.
Trotty says it was Nate, Nate says it
was Nita. Nita says Trotty stood on one
foot too long. Perhaps that one foot
was the trouble. At all events, in the
midst of an impressive gesture with the
left sole of the other, over went bureau
-lecturer-the monkey of his great
grandmother-the hat of his father-in-
law-aud woman's sufferings in one stu
pendous whole upon the Toulouse floor.
Nate picked him up. Mia jumped up
and down and cried. The poor little
lecturer was dusty and crumpled, and
there was blood about his face from
somewhere-nobody knew where. All
the bureau drawers had tumbled out.
Nate thought they'd better shut him in
one till he got better But Mia thought
they'd better call his mother.
So his mother came out and picked
MIN up, and washed him off, and busted
him off, and tied him up, and kissed him
up, and then they found he was about as
good as new, and nothing much the
worse for the lecture bureau.
Stuart Phelps, in 81. Nicholas for Nay.