Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-03-14

kill another, what would be the helm.
BUSINESS of his crime? Murder in the
eighty-third degree.
A CHILD being asked what were the
three great feasts of the Jews promptly
replied: Breakfast, dinner and
supper"
AFTER looking at the picture of 3
spouting whale for long time, little
BOY seemed to become more and more
puzzled. At last he turned to his uncle,
and pointing to the picture, said: ooh,
my doesn't he sneeze a good long way u
PLEAsANroN recommends the setting
OF blue glass in church windows for
the cure of feeble sermons. There
he is wrong. The raise of the contri-
button box will do more for feeble
preacher than the rays of the sun on
Sunday.
"PooR boy!" said lady, as she took
out her purse to give the little beggar
some change. eyes, I am poor
boy" said the young rascal, squeezing
ing tear out of his eye, "and have
four sick mothers to support" The
lady put back her purse, shook her
|
JoHNNIKIN and the goblins.-Aunt-
"Now l must take away the candle,
Johnny" johnny" N-n-o, please,
aunty." Aunty-"Why, you're not
afraid, surely. You know the angels
watch over good little boys" Johnny
-" Yes, auaty; but then they can't see
to watch 'em in the dark. "-Funng
Folks.
IT makes the editor of the Norristown
Herald feel sad, and impels him to
abandon the idea of having all his gold
plate, diamond jewelry, costly bronzes
and other valuables deposited in his
tomb, when he reflects that q few
thousand years hence some DR.. Paul
Pry Schlieman may come along, break
open his grave and rifle it of its con-
tents.
STEIN O. KILBoGIE sold his furniture,
and the countryside all came. Jean,
the ploughman's wife, was among the
rest, and, as she came up to the big pier
glass, she reached out her hand, saying
to her image therein: "An' this is
you? How are we, the day? I ken
I've seen your face in Culross before,
but kama mind the name?"
"THE brink of the water" exclaimed
Mr.. Middlerib, bullying joyously into
the sanctum, " is broken-I mean the
wink of the batter is b-naw, the wack
of the boker-aw shaw, the brack of
the winker is-shucky, the brote of
| the baker is winken-here, where is
the nearest shooter dop?" And the
old gentleman was gone before we
could ask MIN if he was trying to an
nounce that the back of the winter
was broken.-Ha0keye.
THE idea has been widely prevalent,
and has seemed to afford sort of
malicious satisfaction to many, that
the rich could not take their money
with them to the next world. But
when we read that q Montague man
has begun to manufacture " fire-proof
wallets" and has received large order
from Boston, we begin to wonder what
it all .means.-BostOn advertiser.
A BOY came down Linwood avenue
on the rush few nights since, and in
an excited manner said there were q
lot of lights in the Jewish burial
grounds. Half dozen scientific men,
four loafers and dog started off to
see them. The graveyard was IS dark
as such places usually are. "Where
are the lights? ?" asked big man of
the boy. The youngster backed off to
safe distance and yelled out, "Under
ground; they're Israelites /" He then
ran for his life.-Mehose Journal.
The actor who recently took the
title role in Julius Caesar" at 8 San
Francisco theatre was an entomologist
Off the stage. One of his companions
purloined a rare beetle from Csesar's
collection, and secreting himself in the
flies controlled its movements by means
of horsehair. When Antony remarked
to Cesar in the second scene that Cas-
sius was noble Roman, he receive ed
the reply, BY Jove, it's a Brachinus
crepitans; Pm bound to have it,"
Great Caesar jumped three feet in the
air and missed the beetle.
"You are all standing on the brink
Of the Niagara of perdition," said
sad-faced man upon entering an Eighth
avenue car last night" The passengers
locked up in establishment, and the
speaker, stating that he would not take
any particular text, commenced q
rambling discourse. which was abruptly
broken off by the man attempting to
pass counterfeit nickel on the dis
gusted conductor.-N. Y. Tribune.
Ike" said Mrs. Darlington. "who's
this Electoral Bill that they're making
such locomotion about in the house
of reprehensihles I don't wonder that
they doubt his voracity and have
tribulation of commissionaries set
on him." Ike replied that he run for
Congress against Buffalo Bill, whom he
distanced. Then the old lady went to
sleep, and Ike gave the cat sih bath
and spoonful of boneset.
A YOUNG Bridgeport dry goods clerk
out Of 3 job got q situation in q meat
market. The other morning he stood
thinking DREAMY about his girl when q
lady entered and said, care these steaks
good?" splendid mum, wear you like
India rubber. Nothing slazy about our
goods, mum, last you 3 long time, in
fact you can't make any impress T"
The recommendation of the absent
J. H.