The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-03-24
ORPHEUS
&. kerI's on the Ramp.


! 1t must be lots of fun TO be Mayor OF the city
OF Ottawa; to sit, Us it were, on the tip.top, up
high point OF the court house weather-vane, and
look down on the squads Of orpheusoldcrs wink
, ing and noddng ard otherwise making mystcr
ious signs of femme taku- to- death And the al
dermen, how noble they are; all the little thihg'
they have done but ought not to have done are
forgo' len and everything left undone whiei
ought to have been done is really us Goou "
done. All short comings are forgotten; all aoust
is laid on the shelf-till everybody is satisfied
1t ought to be q happy time for them; but, alas
all is not so lovely as it would seem. just think
of the strain on their nerves. Here comes a nice
young man, who winks and gives his head d
mysterious Jerk Ordinarily, in quiet times ia
est, such manoeuvre means " cigar" settler"
"suthin% Ye alderman is deceived. The wink
does not mean that now, as they know to their
sorrow. Tears, idle tears. fe may be happy
yet. With all your faults, some of the "left uns'
may love you still.
The fight is about over however; the caucus
has been held, and though all was secret as
meeting Of the X. X K, we have learned that
| the following appointments are sure:
| Gin y as La Sale St. bridge tender. The es-
pecial business of this officer is to tickle the
mules passing under the bridge. The mule is
possessed of great healing power. Gins object
is to have the mules heal the holes in the bridge
from the underside to bring the repair boats
down. Repair boats always bring lots Of men,
and man, he must live" you know, at the Ho-
tel de Gin.
The keeperslip OF the Foundry bridge is also
settled, l.. X. Aisng. This is an affair in Higt
Lie, something XX-tra, as it were. There was
considerable Bull DoSe'ng to make him sold'
but Jms fist stones, like a Tidal Ware at hey
| West, carried him through-no city council can
stand more than one hour of Jim's stories, with
all due regard for the stories! There is no par
ticular duty to be performed, only it'll be handy
for Little Rose and La Dora. If their respective
Goye,norS get wind Of it, however, somebody will
get an Imperial head on him and Blue Seal
around his eye, if what Tom nunlb-says be
true; Tom leans that way hmself-Murray, we
mean.
w. o. Fhuf is master Of the town clock aud
weathcr.vane-the weathervane, pointing, as it
did, both rags just before election, needs regu-
lating. The town clock has long been one.
sided concern. For years it has been set at II:
40, leaving just time to take suthin" before
dinner. As all the four dials show the same
hour man is swindlcd out Of just three drinks
Il day, you see. Think of such horrible state
of affairs! Think of the imposition on the peo-
pie! 1t is easy to figure it up: something like
nine kegs of beer in a single year OF 3l3 days
that each man has been actually SCindled out Of
simply because this town clock has not had a
man to look after it. Under the new regime all
this will be remedicd. On the south dial we
shall have ll;t0 an "appetiscr" for dinner; on
the east, hands every two minutes from 4:30 10
S15 to suit all parties respecting the "cye.open-
err" on the north, 2:l5-stop at Bauer's or ST.
mons on the way for the mail; on the west, 5:47,
it's SO funny to so home full for tea. We think
this arrangement will suit all, for after dark
every man can guess at the time.
Ted Ompson will look after Wash's square and
see that nobody in his summer clotaing sits on
the reservoir fence, for the city can't afford to
buy new barbs or have the old ones sharpened
every season. OF course, the guardian angel
will not wink at the drunmers coming down
Columbus St., while Ted's around.
Mira Elson will clean the street lamps. He will
use no ladder, but haul himself up with his cane
and hold on with the spurs on his heels and 9th
erwise show his agility. When not engaged in
this way, he will conduct services at the Board
Of Trade. Seats free. No collection.
W. X. Lecket will be city bill sticker
Yc. S. Enter will look after the interests Of
Mr.. Tildcn till further notice.
This is as far down the list as we have learned,
understanding, however, that for the present all
other appointments have been referred to f. f..
Jersey, whose fertile Imagination is too lumir-
Gus to be hid under bushel.