Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-05-31
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


Brains are pretty good things to have,
but the world can't forget that money
rides astraddle of everything.
~-The bashful man who asked his girl
If her favorite beverage wasn't "pop +"
was referred to her popper.-Nor1oSc6
Conn., Bulletin. 't
"A good sneeze will help man won-
derfully in pronouncing some of the Rus
sian names. Try it on Kischenef-
Richmond Enquirer.
= 1t costs only sc. % TO make S65 sew
ing machine, and it is about time that the
general public got mad, and got its back
up.-Detro5t Free Press
The season fast approaches when the
young man with finances to cover Just two
plates Of ice-cream awaits breathlessly
the answer to, "Will you have some
cake?"
ANY citizen who so desires can now
sign himself "Many Taxpayers" in his
communications to the newspapers. The
law forbidding it has been repealed.-De-
tr0it Free Press.
The sewing-machine agent, since the
patent run out, has to talk just as much
and just as fast, and tell just as many
lies for $28 as he used to tell for $135.-
6uTt1nQt0n HdC6-f II ye.
1t takes six loads of brick, one thou
sand feet of boards, three wagon-loads of
soil and a weeks work to make such a
flower bed in the front yard as the average
woman sighs Detroit Free Press.
There once was little upstart, O,
Said tomayto" instead of ''tomarto";
But 1t made his pa grieve,
And he said I'D as lieve
Hear you call potato potarto.'"
Boston AdOertiser.
The ten-year-old boy that won't sell
his mothers three dollar brass kettle for
enough money to purchase twenty-five
cent circus-ticket, either lacks courage and
experience, or has no taste for high toned
ments.-Noir5st0Wn Herald.
Two ragged little urchins were stand
ing IN the gutter looking at a lady who
" 1t isn't SO much that like oranges - OBJ
served one of them, ''but what lot of
people you can bring down with the peel p
=" What do COWS have tails for? ?n asked
the little boy of his farmer father. "To
brush away flies, my child" responded
the paternal. "Well, pa, continued the
inquisitive little chap, "cofhets have tails,
too, do flies bother them ?'' The father
couldn't say.
When man goes round the house
signing and wishing himself dead, you
needn't trouble to put the bottle of opium
away. He W, ulint touch it for worlds.
If he should be suddenly attacked by collie
you would hear him screaming out for a
doctor at the top of his voice.
Tho man on West Hill got up tie
other hi light to get dose of anti-bilious
pills. By some mistake he got into his
bows box Of marbles, and swallowed half
dozen blood al .eys and commies, and
now, as he walks about the siretts, he rat
ties like a pasteboard dice e-box.-BurIing-
ton Haaok-Eae-
Native clergymen In the Sandwich
Islands go barefoot winter and summer,
and are therefore not inflicted about
Christmas time with twenty y-three pairs of
worked slippers, of assorted sizes, pre-
sented by young lady members of their
congregations. This exemption more than
compensates them for three or four toe
nails knocked off during the year.-Nor-
rjst>aon tConn.) Herald. .- Ea
-" Hit it." Didn't" "Did, too"
"Didn't neither.'' did" Didn't"
81 won't play any more" "DOn't want
you to-" Hateful thing" Don't you
"duG W DOl1OH Jul DGpSl
Mother SAYS you don't come and get it
it," Thus the familiar trifles of the cro-
quet ground begin to be heard again as
they float along the street.-BrcHa7lge-
a Now the poor, much-abused sewing
machine agent must submit to further
maltreatment. Instead of selling for sixty
dollars machine which cost six dollars
at wholesale rates, his starving price will
be cut down to thirty dollars. An agents
protective union, band of brothers, serene
sodality of loquacious leaguers, Or some
thing of the sort ought to be started, and
they might solicit subscriptions from the
lucky dogs who bought machines on in
stallments and are now rolling in wealth.
Boston Ad06rt6ser.
-Mullet fishing in the City of Oswego
n. Y, and elsewhere along the Oswego
River, is very popular and profitable
amusement The fish are much larger
than suckers, but resemble them some
what. Some of them are as large as a
shad, yet they will not bite at bait. They
are being caught in great quantities with
triple hooks, which are attached to a line
and pole and dropped into the water.
When these hooks are drawn out from
the water they invariably have upon them
two and often three mullets. The poor
people of Oswego particularly engage in
this style of fishing. a-re
"a Lover writes US: " Suppose I
see young lady home from church, aud
the nj ght is dark and rainy, and upon ar
irving at her house she darts through the
door without saying as much as good
night leaving me standing outside, what
would you advise me to do in such case %
You had better start for home immedi-
stely if you have an umbrella. Under
no circumstances should you stand on the
steps of the young lady's house all night.
It would be preferable to crawl into the
nearest friendly store box and wait for
daylight to appear, or the rain to dIsap-
| pear. 07TlstJaOn Herald.
=" What handy legged old rooster is
that climbing up them stairs?' inquired
a MN from a frontier county of rep orter,
as a member of the Grand Jury walked up
| the Court-HOus stairs. " That's one OF
our most respectable citizens, and a mem
Der of the Grand jury" replied the re-
| porter. You don saso. Come to look
at him closer he is an elegant gentleman,
| by Jimminyl | have a great venerati0n
| for Grand Juries. Out in my country
| have been indicted by every Grand Jury
| I've not been foreman Of, for the past ten
| years. Grand Juries are terror for the
criminal element, they are.-,San Antonio
| Herald.