The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1877-11-08
Numerous Waits.

How to find out what's in name
Put it on the back of note.
liz you want to keep mosquitoes out OF
your bed room, sleep on the roof.
ANDROMEDA misses one OF the luxuries
of life-she can't laugh in her sleeve.
A WOMAN in Boston has named one OF
her hens "Macduff," 80 that it may lay
on.
THE Rochester Democrat thinks Char
ley Ross was deposited in Chicago Saw
ings Bank.
To make both ends meet-put your toe
in your mouth. We advise men, only.
''t0e" do it.
GENERAL HOWARD must want Chief
Joseph for lecture bureau. He is Ger
tainly very much afraid of hurting him.
AN orator declaring that fortune
knocked at every mans door once, an old
Irishman said "When she knocked at
mine must have been out"
STAGE MANAGER Ito call boy) "John,,
see if the ballet are dressed" John IRE
turning) eyes, sir, about ready; they've
nearly got their clothes off"
A HOME thrust. Doctor: "Now tell
killed man9" Colonel ooh, very WE'LL,
thank you, Doctor. How do yous"
WE think Mark Twain must be bored
sadly by the manufacturers of new styles
of goods. They all insist, by their print
ed labels, that he shall '"Trade, Mark!"
A LITTLE girl, day or two since,
while watching the rain, turned to her
mother and said, "Ma, guess the wealth
er's so warm it's melting the clouds"
TIMES don't grow much better, and
families which have long ago stopped
taking paper are now seriously thinking
of selling one of the dogh-Worcester
Pres.
A GOOD many country teams are bur-
glarizing in country towns. They are
good cracksmen and generally make an
inner and then an outer.-NeO York
Herald.
"MADAME," said an impertinent board
er to his landlady, "your butter is too aris-
tocratic for my democratic taste. 1t 10
one of the cases in which sweetness is
preferable to rank"
A POSTAL CARD was lately received
at the Fitchburg, Mass, post Office, ad
dressed to "Mr. X, the man that works
in the factory and got the carload of po
tatoes at Whitefeld, N. H., last year"
WHEN you kiss San Francisco girl,
she holds her breath until you get
through, and then flares up, goes into the
next room, and smacks her lips for a
whole hour.
A GOOD little boy who was kicked bya
mule did not say naughty words or go
home crying to his mother. He just tied
the mule within five feet of beehive
backed him round to it and let him kick.
~ SAY, Paddy, that is the worst-look-
ing horse you drive ever saw. Why
don't you fatten him upl" "Fat him up,
is it2 Faix! the poor haste can hardly
carry the little mate that's on him now,"
replied Paddy.
The best way to cure boil is to get
fine ripe peach-a cling stone is better
peel it carefully, eat it-then take the
skin, place it on the asphaltum sidewalk
in front of Baldwin Sand when the boil
isn't looking slip up on the peel.
AT an Eastern oregon wedding, the
bride in playful mood kicked the
groom's hat off without touching his
head All well enough if after time
her dexterity don't take turn and kick
his head off without touching his hat.
AN Irishman fresh from the "old
country" saw a turtle for the first time,
and at once made up his mind to capture
it. The turtle caught him by the finger,
and he, holding it out at arms'length,
said, Faith, and We had better let loose
the how'll We have, or I'll kick We out of
the very box ye sit in, be jabbers."
A LITTLE Athol boy, guilty of some
misconduct, upon being asked why he
could be so naughty, replied that he
thought he was not doing anything
wrong. "That's no excuse" said his
mother, shrinking doesn't help the mat
ter" swell, mamma" said he, "what's
the use of having thinker, if you can't
think9"
OLD DR.. Hunter used to say, when he
could not discover the cause of mans
sickness, "We'l toy this and we'll try
that. Well shoot into the tree, and if
anything falls, well and good" aye"
replied wag, ~ fear this is too Gem
monty the case, and in your shooting
nto the tree, the first thing that gener-
ally falls is the patient"