Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1877-05-24


have told US how to get the worms,
and now what's to be done with them
when we get them? They are silent
on this point How would it do to
work'em up into lozenges and glve'em
to hungry politicians? or-the name
is suggestive while some in these
modern days have wire fences, and
others stick to the good old fashioned
worm fen but no, my ideas cease
TO be practical on this subject.
On the whole thank the gentle.
men for bringing this subject to our
attention. 1t has opened up mag
nifcent prospect to our view; and |
wouldn't trade my brilliant chances
in agriculture for the lamp of Allad-
den. | am going out west, and there
shall buy rent, or steal six million
acres of land and plant it to corn;
then | will sell the potatoes this gen
tleman would have me use in trap
ping for wire worms, and risk the
corn. At the pres at high price for
tubers | shall gra-' rich. 1t is the
grandest chance TO make fortune |
ever met with, with a single excep-
ton, of which | viii tell you present
ly, and | ask you to hope with me
that it may not terminate like the
vision of Alnaschar, in the Arabian
Nights.
There is Just one cloud on my hori-
zon, and that is cloud Of grass
hoppers. Should they devour my
patch Of corn, provided it escapes the
wire worm, | shall be led to exclaim
with the poet:
81 never had piece OF bread
Cut very long and wide,
But fell upon the sanded floor,
And always on the buttered side
Why do not these gentlemen Of fine
spun theories give US a practical
remedy for the grasshopper evil as
we'll as for the wire worm? The Ma
tional Hopper Commission is on the
war path, and soon we VIII have all
manner Of recommendation for their
extermination-a majority and mi
nority report, which will as usual
divide on a political basis, and while
some advise us to let slip the dogs of
war others will be for reconciliation !;
and in this era of good feeling it is
hard to say which will be acted upon.
| have cure for the grasshoppers
which is simple, practical and effectu-
al; and hope it will meet with the APP
proval of the commission and be en-
bodied in their report. One drop Of
tobacco juice wiU fr a graSshopper for
the undertaken IN ttcenty-SeUsn seconds.
know whereof | speak. | have
lived with the grasshopper, and |
might say almost died with him. /
have seen six inches of snow fall on
them and as soon as the snow disap-
peared they arose like a phoenix = or
like several phoenixes and sailed
away into ethereal space. | have
tramped from the mouth Of Bitter
Greek, over the alkali desert, up and
across the backbone of America, and
across the wide spreading plains OF
Laramie into the goodly city of Den.
yer, and had them for my companions
every step of the way. They rolled
in the sand and seemed to grow fat
on alkali. The air was filled with
them as far as the eye could see.
Billions to the right of H''
Billions TO the left of II
Fluttered and BUNDLED.
Bravely they few and well.
| While to the ground there fell
| Plenty and some to SELL
Tired and humbled.
Onward, but undsmayed,
| Through 'hoppers did wade,
MASKING each step / made
Five or six hundred.
(The above is from an unpublished
poem entitled, "The Flight of the
Grasshoppers,' which has been much
praised for originality Of style. Copy
right for sale.)
| gnash my teeth and howl when |
think of what a fortune lost there.
Had there been a bounty on them, the
capacious soles of my army shoes
would have earned money enough to
buy the Pacific railroad But my
mind wanders.
again ask the attention of the
commission to my cure-or rather
sickness for the grasshoppers As
| said before it is simple, etc. First
catch your grasshopper, and-but it
is needless to go into details. If you
don't chew you can haul the juice
around in barrels like that New York
gentleman does his worm 'pizen." If
this proves a success, and it does not
admit of a doubt if applied to each
hopper, then this will not have been
written in vain; and all | ask as re-
ward, is to stand by the side of that
wire worm potato-trap man and re-
ceive the applause of the admiring
muttudes as a national benefactor.
Yours Theoretically,
JARED JALLAP.