The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-10-26
WIT AND HUMOR.
HIGH water-A rain-cloud.

HIGH water-A rain-cloud.
A RIFLE team-A gang of burglars.
THE Russian is taking his turn as the
sick man.
THE Order of the Bath-Soap, water,
towels, cleanliness, comfort.
"GRIsT to the mill Subscriptions
to prize-fghter's stake. money.
THE safest way to rid yourself of your
wife's female friends is to make love to
them.
The cornucopia and the Texas steer
are similar, in that one is the horn of
plenty and the other is plenty of horn.
A SPANISH proverb says: "The man
who on his wedding day starts as lieu
tenant in the family will never get pro-
NOTED.
In New Jersey, when they want to
praise man, they SAY he has such a
m ean-looking face that a fly wouldn't
alight on it,
A BERKs COUNTY shoemaker manu-
features "medicated boots" Their pc
culiar virtue is in the heal. -PhiladeL-
2)hia Bulletin.
CLERGYMEN, remarked an exchange,
"hke railway brakemen, do a good deal
of coupling" All, yes; and then the
coupled ones do all the switching.
ALARMING exchange informs us How
to tell bad eggs" When an egg is bad
a man doesn't want to tell it anything
he wants to get right away from it.
WHAT is the difference between poor
gun and a borrowed masquerade cos
! tune? One is fired and doesn't hit,
and the other is hired and doesn't fit.
The other morning a Fourth avenue
lady received telegram that her father
was dead. Now" said she, "John
can't help buying me some new clothes"
TURKISH soldiers emptying a sack of
heads before a meeting of foreign cred
itors-" This success enables them to
make the first dividend to their credit
ors."
IT is said that the Iowa mosquito will
laugh a hollow, hooking laugh when
the man who makes a vicious slap at it
with a sock skins his knuckles against
the bed-post.
RUSSIAN to Turk, who receives a bay
onet thrust" But, my poor Turk, you
don't seem to object ?" Turk" 1t is
the first time i'll eight days that anything
has gone into my stomach"
JUDGE (to young vagabond) =" You
never work ?" Prisoner" Yes, SIR
Judge" What work ?" Prisoner-"I
help my mother" Judge" What does
she do?" Prisoner" Does nothing"
A LITTLE boy was asked the other day
if he knew where the wicked finally went
to? He answered: "They practice
law spell here and then go to the Leg
islature y 1t was painful operation
for the boy to sit down for few days.
THE way mob acts in one city is no
criterion for mob action in another. It
is much like the Irishman who heard
that the Scotchman's horse had run
away. "Thin, begorra, something must
be done, an I'll go home and lick the
old woman"
"CoNrE, pa" said youngster just
home from school, " how many peas are
there in pint" How can anybody
every time. If you don't believe it, try
me. Well, how many are there,
them" "Just one p in every pint, pa.
The leaves are turning slowly yell
low; their summers hue is hence the
ripening fruit is on the mellow the
small boy on the fence. He looks
around, he views the ground, he thinks
the moment suits he fills his pockets
full AMI round, then jumps the fence
and scoots.
"WHEN die let me be buried within
the sound of the hammer, the clang of
the workshop, the hum of the MILL"
says the candidate in his speech. And
then he goes home and seats himself in
the rocking chair while his wife carries
the coal out of the cellar to get supper
with.-Hawkeye
AFTER one of the operations of cele-
brated surgeon the resident student
stood looking at the two pieces of NOR
tally lying on the surgeons table.
"What are you doing, sir?" sharply
asked the surgeon. "I am waiting for
you to point out which piece is to be
put to bed and which is to be buried"
A CORRESPONDENT of the Bulletin en-
dearingly asks its editor, How can the
boys be kept off the streets mt night ?"
Simply enough. Let every parent pave
his back yard with tesselated marble,
light it with gas, put a billiard table in
it, with bar and cigar stand in one cor
ner, and the thing is done.-Eureka
Sentinel.