The Russellville Democrat., 1877-04-19
ANYMTLE sTArxSrIx.

AN1MILE B STATXSTI
 Kats are afectionate, they luv young chickens, sweet kream, and the best place in front of the fireplace.
 Dogs are faithful, they will stick to bone after everybody haz deserted it.
 Parrotts are easily edukated, but they will learn to swear well in half the time they will learn ennything else.
 The birds eat bugs and worms for plain vittles, but their dessert konsists of the best cherrys and gooseberries in the garden.
 The owl iz only picture uv wisdum by dalite, when he kant see enny thing. When it cums nite hiz wisdum wholly konsists in ketching field mouse, if he kan.
 The donkey is an emblem of pachunce, but if you study them klosser yu will find that lazyness is what's the matter ov them.
 The eagle is the monark of the skies, but the little king-bird will chase him to his hiding place. ( The OK knoweth hiz masters krib, and that iz all he dug kno or care about biz master.
 Munkeys are imitatiff, bat if they kant immitate some deviltry they ain't happy.
 The goose is like all other phocls-all. wuss seems anxious to prove it. If mules are ever meek it is simply be- cauze they are ashamed ov themselfs, but mules are hibrid, ain't ackountable for anything.
 The bees are a bizzy people; rather than be idle they will rob each other ov their hunny.
 The kockroach is loafer, and don't seem to live so much on what they eat as what they kan get into. Ducks are only cunning about one thing; they lay their eggs in sitch sly places that sumtimes they kant find them again themselfs.
 The mushrat kan feresee hard win ter and provide for it, but he can't keep from gettin ketched in the sylliest kind ov trap.
 Hens kno when 1t is a-going to rain, and shelter themselfs, but they will try to hatch out glass egg just az honest az they will one ov their own.
 Mudturkles are the slowest ov enny four-legged kritters, and yet they are allwuss ou the move, trieing to git some whar else.
 Hornets hay more fight in them than ennything ov their size, but there iz nc method in their madness; they will pitch into meeting house when they are furious, just az anxious az they will ints a sleeping baby in its kradle.
 The kro iz the most natural ov all thiefs; they will steal, and hide, what iz sv no use to them, nor loss to enny body else.
 Ants are the bizzyest ov all the little, or big bugs, but a large share ov theil time is spent in repairing their houses, which are built whare folks kant helr but step on them.
 Flies toll not, neither ''do they spin yet theJ have the first taste ov all the best gravys in the laud.
 The cuckoo iz tbe gratest ekonemist amung the birds; she lays her eggs in other birds's nests, and lets them hatch them out at their leizure.
 Rats hay fewer friends and more enc. mys than anything of the four-legged purswashun on the face of the earth, and yet rats are az plenty now az in the palmyest days ov the Roman empire.
 Ov all things lazy the sloth wears the belt, and yet his lazyness is all there. is interesting about him.
 The frog dodgeth when it lightens, and the tud gaps when the thunder bellows.
 The kro bids her nest ov stix, the swallo ov mud, the squirrels ov leaves, the wren ov feathers and wool, and the woodpecker digs hole for his eggs in the rotten trees.
 The sarpent and the krab change their clothing each year, and the rackcoou lives all winter long on the memory ov what he ct in the summer.
 The horse allwus gifts up from the ground on his fore legs first, the kow on her hind ones, and the dog turns around three times before he lies down.
 The kangaroo he jumps when he walks, the econ paces when he trets, and the lobster travels backwards az fast az he kan forwards.
 The elephant haz the least, and the rabbit the most eye for their size, and a rats tale iz just the length ov hiz boldly.
 The spider iz the only kritter that ketches its food in trap, and a sheep will liv without water longer than enny domestick animal.
 The fox is the hardest to ketch in a trap, and muskrat the eazyest, and the meddo lark iz the shyest ov all the birds