Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-08-16
Huln0r.

A minister asked new deacon if he
had family prayers. Yes, sir. night
ana morning regular, if / have to knock
every one of the young ones down on
his knees"
The New York Times saws that as the
news of the Selover-Gould affrav spread
through the city there was a general
1eellng of regret-that the walloping of
Gould had been so private.
A boy was gnawing away at some
watermelon rinds, and passer asked
why he was eating those rinds. The an
sWer was conclusive "'Coz some other
fellow had eaten the core ~
A letter was lately received at the
Chicago postoffce, directed "To an
honest man." The Chief Clerk sent it
to the Dead Letter Department. with the
candid confession that the man did not
live in Chicago.
Posta[card proposals !" exclaimed a
naughty young miss, reading over the
government advertisements "well. I
never If fellow hasn't stamps enough
to send his proposals in a letter, he hasn't
stamps enough to marry me-"
"Why did you name that old horse
Napoleon? asked gentleman of ne
gro, whose horse was almost reduced to
skeleton. "Why, marse, you see, it's
Gaze the bony part is so strong in him."
was the ready reply
ut begins to lo.k," saws the New
York World, I" as if we might get news
one Of these mornings about the Rus
slams crossing the Danube again. If they
do, they will probably consume less time
in the operation"
Clergyman-(who has forgotten the
day of the month"; LET me see, this
is the-ah-the thirteenth, | believe ?"
Fond Mother-(not catching the idea
exactly, but thinking of her family
why, bless me, no this Is only the
eleventh"
A negro being asked what he was in
jail for, said it was for borrowing money.
" But said the questioner, " they don't
put people in jail for borrowing money"
Yes" said the darky, but I had to
knock the man down free or fo' times
before he would lend it to me-"
1 talked with a minion from Her Ma
jestys dominions Says I, "Where are
you going? Says he, To hide hoe"
Says I, "What are you going to hide
hoe for?" Says he, az didn't say hide
hoe; [ said hide hoe" Says l, Spell
it." Says he, Idaho" "Oh," says
|, Idaho" "Yes," says he, Hide
hoe"
A witness was under examination in
Toronto court, in the case of an unpaid
account, when the judge put the ques-
ton to him, "What is your occupa-
tion?" The witness did not seem to I'M
derstand the meaning of the word "oc-
cupation," and answered with "Eh ?"
Judge" What do you do for livingw
Witness. -"Oh, my wife's a dress
maker"
The following correspondence, ex-
tracted froI. the Boston Transcript, ex-
plains itself: "She to him: Mt. Des-
ert, July, 1S77,-Dear John: Lots of
pretty girls here Do come down.-Sal-
" He to her: Boston, July ISL
Dear Sally: Lots of pretty girls here,
too. Can't get away from business
John Sally went back to Boston the
next day"
eff you ever think of marrying
widow said an old anxious parent to
his heir, "select one whose first husband
was hung; for that is the only way to
prevent her from throwing his memory
into your face, and making annoying
comparisons" even that won't pre-
vent it," exclaimed crusty old bache-
lor, shell praise him by saying that
hanging was too good for him"
One of the newspaper correspondents
writes from the White Mountains that
there is a dearth of manageable young
men in that region this summer, and
the few who are there are entirely de-
voted to young lady from the west, a
reputed heiress of several millions of
dollars. The same writer ungallantly
asserts that most of the brides travelling
through the mountains this year are
remarkable for anything save their
beauty, while the grooms who accom-
pany them have corrugated brows and a
melancholy mien.