Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-09-28
FU n :.

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GALL BUSTED TO DEATH -About
nine O'Clock Yesterday morning boy ran
up to a policeman standing on Monroe
avenue, Detroit, and called out in an ex-
cited voice:
ssCome on-come down here-hurry up!''
"What's the row, boy!' calmly inquired
the officer.
ssMan busted all to death down here!"
i'Shoo!''
s'Yes'r! He drank two glasses OF soda
water, and busted up like biler I stood
right there and saw the whole 'splosion."
CHOW, boy, you go back and see if you
were not mistaken said the officer. eff
there's dead man there I'll go down. See
if the coroner is there, and if any officers
are around" IA
The boy ran back, and after being alb
sent about fifteen minutes he returned at
slouchy gait and explained:
81 got the facts little mixed. The fell
low called for two glasses of soda, put 'em
away as fast as he could, and then didn't
have any money to pay. L thought the
soda busted him up, but it was the soda
man who did it. He hauled off, and he
drew back, and he shut his jaws, and he
busted the stranger in memory of rs. He
Just came to his senses as got there, and
he's rolling his eyes around and sticking
out his tongue and purtending that he's
made at least nine cents out O the perform
ance. You'd better go down and draw him
for forgery"
San Diego has a young gentleman tele-
graphic operator, who, after repeated calls
for a young lady operator in another office,
at last got response, and then, ''click,
click, click" (fortissimo), II have been
trying to get you for the last hour?" In a
moment the following spicy reply came
tripping back to him over the wires from
the Geographic maiden: ''That' nothing;
there is a young man here who has been
trying to do the the same thing for the last
two years, and he hasn't got me yet.'-
San Diego World.
A literary gentleman, wishing to be I'M
disturbed, one day, instructed his Irish
servant to admit no one, and, if any one
should inquire for him, to give an equivocal
answer. Night came, and the gentleman
proceeded to interrogate Pat as his visitors.
ssDid any ,one call ?'' eyes, sir; one
gentleman" "What did he say?" "He
axed were you honor ln?'' "Well, what did
you tell him % 'sSure L gave him quiz
ikle answer, jist." ''How was that?" Il
axed him was his grand mother a monkey
A Rheumatic old gentleman, whose son
was careless about shutting the front door
after him, called out to him one cold day
when he had left the door swinging wide
''See here young man, you leave that doo'
open too muchp' ssDo I?'' was the re-
spouse. Then how much open shall leav
it?' II mean you leave it open too often!'
Numbered the old gentleman. ''Oh, well.
how often shall leave it open?" politely
inquired the son. The father did not dare
trust himself to reply.
"Boy," said gentleman to the hostler
of hotel on alghtlng from his phae.on'
''extricate that quadruped from the We
hicle, stabulate him, donate him an ade-
quate supply of nutritious aliment, and
when the aurora or morning shall again il
Illuminate the oriental horizon l will award
thee pecqniary compensation for thine
amiable hospitality" The boy ran into the
house and told his master that Dutchman
wanted to see him.
Suppose we pass law, said a severe
father to his daughters, "that no girl eight
cen years old who can't cook good meal
it ?'' "Why, then, we'd all get married
at seventeen responded the girls in sweet
chorus.
The politest of all darkies lives near
Newark. When he meets gentleman of
his own color by moonlight, he says: "Mr.
Sam, do you know any place in de neigh
chicken ?''
There is no drunkenness in the Russian
army. One reason is because no soldier can
get hold hold of over pint Of whisky at
once, and another reason is because pint
of whisky won't even make him wink.
DR.. Parr had horror Of the East wind,
and Tom Sheridan once kept him prisoner
in the house for fortnight by fixing the
weather-cock in that direction.
The other morning Fourth-avenue lady
received telegram that her father was
dead. "Now," said she, "John cannot help
buying me some new clothes.'
We'll. Robert, how much did your pig
weigh?" ''Faith an it didn't weigh as
much as I expected, and always thought
it Wouldn't
It is said that real good men are very
scarce at watering places this season. Come
to think of it, there is no place overcrowded
by men of that sort.
A ,andlady said that she did not know
how to make both ends meet. "Well,' said
a boarder, 'why don't you make one end
A little boy went to his father crying the
other day, and told him that he had kicked
a bee that had splinter in his tail.
Asparagus resembles long sermons in one
particular-the ends are mostly
sought after.