The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-01-13

Says q household paper: Remember thai
lemons can be kept sweet and fresh for months
by putting them in a clean, tight cask or jar and
covering with cold water Humbug! We tried
that and the lemons came out as sour as when
put in. The only way to sweeten lemons is
TO bury them in sugar and whisky-hot
The Colorado House OF Representatives has a
woman for EngrosBing Clerk. The principal
thing she cngrosses is the attention of the mem
bers.-N y. Com. diSertiser.
The following Is full 100 years old, but is
worth repeating every year:
dandy with cigar in his mouth, on board a
steamboat once stepped up to stranger and
said: "Pray, sir, do gentlemen smoke in your
Countrym "Gentlemen don't smoke in any
country" was the laconic answer
Sometimes it will happen SO. That little bull
let.headed wench in the Jubilee singers sang re-
ligious songs with such fcrvor at Otis, Ind, that
the people, in their enthusiasm, gave her as "a
testimonial Of approval Of artistic merit and
humble WORTH" purse full OF silver dollars
She got drunk with the money, and, when one
Of the admiring citizens helped a constable to
arrest her, she stabbed him with knife.
81 quit preaching when joined the demo.
Morrison's committee In New Orleans. It's the
only condition on which the democratic party
receives snlde preachers.
man went through the bankruptcy court.
He had owned Il fine horse and gig and they
both disappeared for time, but by and by the
horse and zig were doing service for the same
owner again, On being asked what this me ant
the mans reply was, went through the bank
ruptcy court, but the horse and zig went round
Toledo Blade.
Suppose, says an exchange, that Giant should
die before the 4th of March, and the senate
should recognize Hayes and the house should
stand by Tllden, and the Indians should scalp
Sheridan, and the house should impeach Sher.
man, and the Bull.dozers should capture Don
Cameron, and the European war should homo.
logate Secor Robson, and the supreme court
should go crazy over the complications, then
who would be president?
The Chicago Times wants TO know II the
American people have any humor. Perhaps not
but they are very susceptible-yCu can humor
most any OF them with Tom and Jerry.-iu-
rord Ners.
Too much message is the present difficulty OF
the Burlington Hd,cteye I'VE deyace," says
that paper, much OF our spote this morning
TO the messlden,'s pressage 1t is an able pape
slater, worthy Of ruefal pecarsal."
"Every infaat," says the ScicaiiGc American,
"can say mo- several years before it can say
yes" Whereupon the Camden Post, though
quite unscientihc, adds, at should be remem.
dered, though, that infants are no; Invited to
take something"
The religious editor OF the New York Hsrald
mentions a minister who offered a chrome 60 ev
cry one who would be converted under his
preaching.
Some good soul put cent Ia the hand Of the
Beggar Boy statue at the Philadelphia exhlbi-
tion.
The matters cry, It's awful rough.
Our occupations gone.
Old Norrissey has done enough,
For he's declared the bets are OF
Before the hats are on"
They sang the hymn, Shall We gather al the
riyerF and then gathered around large tank
Of nicely warmed water in the basemen; 81 the
church, and there dipped 'em. Sensible.
The Republicans hope TO take Hayes across
the gulf which separates him from the presidency
BY means Of Ferry.
"Them vases" says Mrs. veueering, showing
her CchiennIal purchases, "ihem vases vas er.