Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-12-12
HuInOr.


A Richmond firm advertises q med
lclne warranted to cure life-insurance
agents of bashfulness.
A woman who makes a practice Of
borrowing a quart of milk usually
makes pint" of returning it.
Lady with catalogue)-"No. SO.
Eva Tempted" Gentleman (desirous
to know the painters name-" Who
by % Lady shocked at his ignorance)
=" Why, by the devil, of course"
An Irishman, seeing vessel very
heavily laden, and scarcely above the
waters edge, exclaimed: :" Upon my
soul, II the river was but little higher
the ship would go to the bottom"
!" You politicians are queer people!"
said an old business man to an impecu-
NOUS partisan. Why so ?" asked the
politician. Why, because you trouble
yourselves more about the payment of
the debts of the state than you do about
your own!'
!nebriate: Now, look here, what
l shay is, what's the use O riches :?
Spose mans Roth-you know-a
Roth-child's bank-eh? Well, what's
good of it? He can't get more drunk
than he can-nOw, can he?"-Fun1ey
FOlks
Why IS a becfsteak like a locomotive
on long journey? 1t is not of much
account without its tender Uncredited
but sounds Graphic. And why is :, beef
steak like a freight train? You rarely
see it without its stuff.
A business man wished Sunday would
come twice a week, so he could attend
church ottner. He takes in so many
bogus ten-cent pieces in six days that
his conscience will not permit him to
put them all in the contribution-box
during one Sunday,
See here Doctor" said a patient.
isn't 1t time you physicians came
down little III your prices? II makes
agood deal Of difference, you know.
when a fellow has been sick, how much
he has to pay when he gets WE'LL "I'll
see that 1t makes no difference to you,"
grimly responded the doctor.
While collection was being taken
up at a colrored meeting in Detroit, the
other day, Brother Gardner said to the
congregation: Please remember,
brethren, dat none of us kin take our
riches beyond de grave" Just then
the hat came back empty, and Brother
Gardner continued: "But it pears to
me dat dis crowd is gwine to try mighty
hard to do itp'
"Where did you get that ?" an officer
on Tuesday night asked an old man
whom he found staggering along Fulton
street under the weight of large rock
ing chair. The man slowly lowered the
chair to the walk, sat down composedly
in it, and answered, laconically, Stole
it."
A Lowell firm recently sent a lot of
bills west for collection. The list came
back with the result noted against each
name, one being marked Dead Three
months after the same bill got into
new lot that was forwarded, and when
the list came back the list was marked
still dead"
The days are upon us when the head
of the family hunts up his last winters
suit and takes it to the dyer, who only
charges s. for shrinking it up little too
large to fit the oldest boy, but so small
for the man that his arms are bare below
the elbows, and his legs from the knees
down
One of the questions at a written
Scotch examination was, ':What is &.
relative pronoun?' The answer was,
" A relative pronoun is one that tells
about your relatives and friends" This
equals the reply there are three gen
ders, the masculine, feminine and neu-
trail; masculine, men; feminine women:
and neutral old bachelors
A school board inspector asked a
small pupil of what the surface of the
earth consists, and was promptly an
swered. Land and water" He varied
the question slightly, that the fact might
be impressed on the boys mind, and
asked: What then do land and water
maker" To which came the immediate
response "Mud."
Some colored men were talking poll
tics in front of a store the other day,
when one said: Tom, dey say de Pub
lican party am dead an gone to the
Independents; what sort politics dey
got % We'll, dey is the same as the
hypocrit, dey want the votes of bofe
side, and minds me of a niger what
come up from Ebert County; he went
to the Baptis' meetin' and he big Bap-
It's, den, next he went to the Methods
meetin' an outshout dem all, but he
took care to eat hearty wild both 'nomi-
nations. "-Ha1tweN Ga.) Sun