Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-11-15
Helena, Montana, Thursday, November IS, 1877.
HUMOR OF THE HOUR.

HUMOR OF TIE HOUR.
Indian name applied by the Albany Argus
to Mr.. Tweed-Old- E-who-lics-like-house-
a-fire.
A woman in the suburbs has named one OF
her hens Macduff. 50 that it may lay on.-
Boston Transcript.
''There is nothing that will change d man
so much as great grief, unless it is shaving
off his mustache. ''-Dan5ury Ne1cs.
The strike of the New York cigar makers
is expected TO end in smoke-the leader, q
female, having no one terbacker.--Intef-
Ocean,.
We said. lust as soon AS we heard that DIR.
Mary Walker had Joined the Russian army,
that things were going to change. ge.-Rochester
Democrat.
Camden, New Jersey, has found man
who is lazier than a plumber and bigger
dead-beat than tramp. He must be twins.
Free Press.
The mosquito who clung to us closer than
a brother has winged himself away, and
memory alone hears his hum, sweet hum.-
~ Y. Herald.
George H. Butler, late of Deadwood, is
now the Paris correspondent of Dom Platts
Capital. He writes his letters in WashlngSon'
to save travelling expenses.-Ih1t0. Times.
He-clear across the room in a chair. She
sitting pensively on the sofa. lie sings:
s'Thou art so near and yet sofa! She-ln
reply: 20, why so chair-y of your love?%
An old hat, so banged and rusted as to have
entirelv los its individuality, was found near
stream in New Hampshire and led to tbs
story that Secretary Evarts had been tonlly
dealt with.
How soothing 1t is for young man with
an empty stomach, knees out, and both coat
tails off, to be told that 1t is only question
of time when he will be able to ride in his
carriage !-Free Press.
| ''In the sentence, John strikes William,
remarked school teacher yesterday, ''what
is the object of strikes?" "Higher wages
and shorter runs, promptly replied the intel
ligent pupil.-Hawkeye.
Works of art and science are thrown away
on some people. At Washington we have
the finest telescope in the world, but there is
not woman living who would not sooner
peep through key-hole.-CdpitaI.
A competent authority says you must al
ways lie with your feet to the equator. we
have known several excellent liars who have
shortened their lives many years by neglect
ing to observe this rule.-Boston Post.
There are moments of dependency in
every life; moments when Shakespeare
thought himself no poet; Raphael no painter;
when the greatest wits have doubted their
happiest efforts.-Er. In response the Wash
ington Union softly whispers: We had hoped
to carry this secret to the grave with us, but
now that it is out we must say we didn't au-
thorize its publication.
Scene in a seaside restaurant: Two gen.
tlemen had dined and were looking at the bill.
| 10 IN n
bottles of champagne which had been con-
sumed, the waiter had charged for only one.
s'Shall we point out the thing?' says oney
probably the more scrupulOus. ''Well, re-
piled the other, after moment OF doubt, I'VE
had better not; the waiter would be sure to
be scolded, poor fellow.
The following schoolboy's essay on
.sT1me" has been delighting the British eA-
aminers at Woolwich: ''rhe value of time
is useful for getting their living 1t is most
useful There is not a minute to loose. 1t
was invented by Alfred the Great, who made
a very long candle. Time is used for the
purpose Of telling people the time: Many
men make their living by making time.
Some make their livelihood by making
watches clocks. Time passes very quickly
for man or boy. Man for his labors and boy
for his work. There is time for all things,
especially for grown-up people,
THAD. STEVENS had way of squelching
an antagonist in debate that was wholly ire
sistible. Once, during the war, Roscoe Conk-
ling, then Representative in the House
from the Utica IN. " district, was making
an earnest appeal in favor of hat contrac.
tor who had asked Congress for relief of
some kind, and he had just reached the end
of one of his most eloquent sentences, in
which he had spOken of the Star of Bethle-
hem, at which point Mr.. Stevens begged per-
mission to interrupt him. Mr.. Conkling very
graciously yielded. when Mr.. Stevens said ::
ssMr. Speaker, don't know anything about
the Star of Bethlehem, but do know that
the fellow stole the hats And that killed
Mr.. Ccnkling's bill.
A CINCINNATI man has drawn the speciti-
cations of cannon that will shoot round a
mountain, and intends to apply for patent.
He took the idea from the line OF curvature
49, H. ,,OtS0 nf h0cn hcn