The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1877-03-22
ALL SORTS

The miners dream of live is ore.
The Central Park menagerie cost New
York about 81, 900 a month.
Bergh encourages talking to animals.
pair of horses expecta waggin' tongue.
ssRipe apples" is the title of newplayby
young Chicago aspirant. 1t is a mellow
drama. i ~
The new form of cattle plague (from
butchers point of view)--American beef
Punch. "s ~
When Irving plays Orchard Ill., he car
ries his sceptre on his shoulder, like "a Mulli
gan Guard. ia
The Graphic pictures the physician OF the
future with a big box on his back, crying
''glass put in - efa.esG =
Rather than take blow on the skull, the
Boston 4doeatise1 would submit to Roman
punclia its stomach. tga }e's ssts3
AT the first grand ball at the Elysec, Paris,
here were over 10000 applications for tick
cts and but 5000 were issued. 1t
Farragut was dashed to the mast and
shoe peg is mashed to the last. Striking co.
incidence.
The bsol used to roam where Chicago
now stands, but he is trying to keep the mat
ter quiet. .;,... s,.,.E.
elf you can't be a llght-house,' says Mr..
Moody, ''be CANDLE Plenty Of the girls
would rather be half match. ~ .ng
There is time for everything except she
return Of ansapprentice who has been sent
after the mail. f0ariiHli 4it s3s e
Here is man who has forged the nauae'of
Himan Heinherzog. A man who will me
die with a name like that ought to be are
rested. '& 7AeAt ss'S
A licensed vendors wagon III New York
has the following startling news :" Flood in
china oranges plenty; 25 for2 % cents"
EPSON Chapel is the name of a'rownson-
town, Maryland Westinghouse. We sup
pose some of the q salt Of the earth gather
| there. .s.3....s... t,.s..s.g ass.! ,7s
| A Baltimore paper says that the price OF
board hasn't been so low for the last ten
years, and adds and the board hasn't
been so poor. either.'' fst Isl aaEW
Says Seth Green A No. l mackereli is
better temperance lecturer than John B.
Cough ever was AT least it will make .
person drink more water !" 9 bua ~
A Delaware farmer has evolved the hoe
cure" He thinks gentle exercise In the
open air, and the sense OF being useful, is all
| that half the invalids need. hstt -
A Maine editor, noticing the marriage of
contemporary, remarks Of tue bride: = She
will do the State service il she makes him
a better and more truthful man. .i.sleas
In the economy of nature nothing is lost.
The inside of an orange may refresh one
man, while the outsid OF the same fruit may
serve to break another mans leg.a lsiisg9
New York Commercial Aduertiser.: " Isl
dore Ouida Upton is the rather fantifal name
Of a little girl in Alabama. Her initials be-
ing 1. 0. u, it's presumable she's a child Of
promise.
s.Raisiug the wind" is now denominated
more classically exciting the financial
| 1-EUluS, QOIlC OI NY OWli CASVu'
ted on the responsibility of my own personal
curve" .,......, .,
Il Schleimann has struck vein of dog col
lars One of them bore the following, in
+ scription: Vim. B. Hector. fsss.gi -
l3 Scamander avenue. No. 8.
Thomas concerts are attracting much at
! tenton in Worcester-so much so that when
he hears the sound Of gently-rased win
1 dow-sash he dllsts, without waiting for the
inevitable boot-jack. afe 1'f sii-55f
Somehow or other the poets are idle this
season. Odes to spring are so unusually
scarce that waste-paper dealers have adj
vanced the market a ceut and half per
pound. 'li-N ~ ..
The Cincinnati Commercial says: stWhy is
it that editors never commit sucidc?'' The
Burlington Iawkeye has investigated this
subject little, and thinks it is because the
druggists won't sell strychnine on long time,
"Mr. Gumbo, what was the greatest due.
ebber fought in the United States?' "Dun-
he; wasn't it Aaron Burr and Alexander
| Hamilton ~ Pompey scratching his head
,hesitatingly)- "Well--p'raphs- May.
Bennett"