Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1877-01-10
a Large-Hearted View Of the
Indian.
PhiladelpAis Bulletin

ICussAOH uOWu NJ TIC grocery stOrc IN
suburban town, the other night
"NOw some think that the red man
displaysa want Of good taste in de-
clining to wash himself; but don't.
What is dirt? II is simply-matter-
the same kind of matter that exists
Everywhere. The earth is made of
dirt the things we eat are dirt and
they grow in the dirt; and when we
die and are buried we return again
10 the dirt from which we were made.
Science says that all dirt is clean
The savage Indian knows this; his
original mind grasps this idea, he
has his eagle eye of science, and he
has no soap. Dirt is warm. A layer
one-siXtecnth of an inch thick on a
man, is said by Prof. Huxley, to be as
comfortable as a $50 suit of clothcs.-
Why, then, should the child of the
forest undress himself once week
by scraping this off and exposing
himself to the rude blasts of winter?
He has too much sense. His head is
too level to let him take square
wash more than once in every 200
years, and even then he don't rub
hard.
"And then in regard to his practice
Of eating dogs; why shouldn't man
eat dog? A dog sometimes eats
man and turn about is fair play. A
well digested dog slowed away ON
the inside of Choctaw squaw does
more to advance civilization and the
christian religion, than a dog that
barks all night in the back yard and
makes people get up out of bed and
swear, don't it? And nothing is
more nutricious than dog. Prof.
Huxley says that one pound of
dogs hind leg nourishes the vital
force more than q wagon-load Of
bread and corped beef. 1t contains
more phosphorus and carbon. When
dogs are alive they agree with men,
and there is no reason why they
shouldn't when they are dead. This
nation will enter upon glorious des-
tiny when it stops raising corn and
potatoes and devotes itself more to
growing crops of puppies.
"Now many. ignorant people con-
slider scalping inhuman. 1 don't. !
look upon it as one of tho most benef-
icent processes ever introduced for
the amelioration of the sufferings of
the race. What is hair? 1t is an ex-
crescnce. If it grows it costs man a
great deal of money and trouble to
keep it cut. If it falls out the man
becomes bald and the flies bother him.
What does the Indian do in this
emergencyp With characteristic sa-
gacity he lifts out the whole scalp and
ends the annoyance and expense.
And then look at the savage from
other sources. Prof. Huxley esti-
mates that 2,O00lbs Of the food that q
man eats in year, goes to nonrish
the hair. Remove that hair and you
save that much food. If 1 had my
way would have every baby scalp
ed when had them vaccinated as
measure of political economy. That
would be craftsmanship. 1 have q
notion to organize q political party
ON the basis of baby-scalping and to
go on the stump to advocate it. If
people had any sense might run in
to the presidency as baby-scalper.
"And as for the matter of Indians
wearing rings through their noses 1
don't see why people complain of
that. Look al the advantage that it
gives man when he wants to hold
on to anthing. If a hurricane strikes
an Indian all he does is to hook his
nose to a tree and there he is, fast and
sound. And it gives him something
to rest his pipe on while he smokes
while in the case of a man with q pug
the ring helps to jam his proboscis
down, and to make it Roman nose.
But i look at him from o sanitary
point of view. The Indian suffers
from catarrh. Now what will cure
that disease2 Metal in the nose in
which electricity can be collected.
Prof. Huxley says that the electricity
in o metal ring two inches in dame
ter will cure more catarrh than all
the medicines between here and Kan
sas. The child of nature, with won-
derful instinct, has perceived this, and
he teaches us q lesson. When we,
with our higher civilization, begin to
throw away fiDger-rings, and ear
rings and to wear rings incur noses
we will be harder race. am go-
ing to direct the attention of Con-
gress to the matter.
"Thcn take the objections that are
urged to the Indian practice of driv-
| ing stake through q man and build
ing bonfire on his stomach. What
is their idea They want to hold that
man down. If they sit on him they
obstruct the view of him. They put
a stake through him, and there he is
secured by simple means, and if it is
driven in carefully it may do him
good. Prof. Huxley says that he once
knew q man that was cured of the
yellow janndice by falling ON PALE
fence, and having a sharp pointed
paling run into him. And the bon
fire may be equally healthy. When q
mans stomach is out Of order you put
q mustard plaster on it. Why? To
warm it. The red man has the same
idea. He takes few faggots, lights
them, and applies them to the abdo-
men. 1t is certain cure. Prof.
Huxley"
| ooh, dry up about Prof. Huxley ~
exclaimed Meigs, the storekeeper, at
this iuncture.