The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-06-16

A man innocently spoiled sermon and prayer
by exclaming, while the tears rolled down his
cheeks a. Lord, Thou knowest L have been an
awful sinner-the chief among ten thousand and
Zone altogether lovely 30
A gentleman had occasion to correct mis- daugh-
ter, aged four, recently. After it was over and
she had sat while, she went to her mother and
inquired: 50 Don't you think it would do papa
good to go out door? ?''
sim afraid you II be late at the party said
an old lady to her stylish granddaughter, who re-
piled, 81 Oh, you dear grandmother, don't you
know that in our fashionable set nobody ever
goes to party till everybody gets there?''
A good reason" What do you drive such a
pitiful-looking carcase that for? Why don't
you put a heavy coat of flesh him?'' " A
heavy coat of flesh by the powers, the poor
crater can hardly carry what little there is on
him."
A man lectured in Brooklyn the other evening
in vindication of Judas. The audience consisted
of three men, one woman and boy, indicating
that Judas has fewer friends in Brooklyn than
would naturally be expected
The Kingston Wing advertises as follows:
80 Wanted-A police reporter who will leave out
everybody's name from the police report, and
write paragraphs only which will please all
classes of the community. Salary no object"
Father,'' said boy who got kicked in the
face by a mule,'s will L ever be good-looking
as wasp g" No, my son." answered the pa
rent, 81 don't think you'll be as handsome as
you were but you'll know great deal more"
A three-year-old happened to have want to
be attended to just as his mother was busy with
the baby. $50 way +; can't be bothered with
you now" ' What did you have so many
children for, if you can't bother with emp He
unexpectedly inquired.
SHAKY.-It is apt to shake a mans confidence
in his wife to wake up in the morning and find
her sitting on the edge of the bed, searching his
pockets. And it is apt to shake a womans con-
fdence in her husband to find nothing in those
pockets but lager beer check, piece of
bologna sausage, a variety show ticket, and
perfumed note signed, 60 Ever yours, Julia"
According to the researches of Herr f. Muench,
our earth has at one time other been inhabited
by 1885, 900 kinds of animals, of which 10000
are now extinct, while the other 135 900 still
with US. Among the survivors are 1000 yarie-
ties of mammalia, 1000 of birds, 1,500 ''creep-
ing things 5000 of fish, 100000 of insects,
900 radiata, 3 800 polypifera, 400 infusora,
and Herr Muench himself.
At e recent dinner party argumentatiye per-
son, posted on the Eastern question, asked his
innocent young neighb?r: " Now, Mi, and
what do you think would be the effect of a pro-
Saeol upon Turkey?'' " Well really, Profes-
sor" replied the youth, bracing up and look
ing at the plate before him, ''l'ye never tried it.
l think I'll try Worcestershire sauce on mine"
They use the leaf of the Eucalyptus tree, in
San Diego, as sort OI cdtuOILcOn' II 10 iiheu
in the form of decoction and, Il Is believed,
will do every thing short of raising the dead.
In fact it is questioned whether tombstones will
hold down the defunct, if the number of the
EucaIyptus trees continue to be multiplied as
heretofore.
Somebody praised kind of cake Jones brought
down to his Office He was asked for u recipe for
building the cake. and next day appeared with
the following, which he had taken down in short
hand, from his wife's dictation, after dinner:
Seven cups of mOlasses, three plnches flour,
two heaping quarts Of salaratus, pint OF sugar,
two pounds of milk, fruit to suit the taste, stir
well and boil over a slow fire, and then set aside
in cold oven for a week. Somehow, Jones
said, it didn't sound just right, but that was the
way his notes read
APARIs letter says: necklace that was last
seen on the neck of a charming lady was the OBJ
iect of universal admiration. Some time ago
Gentleman took this same necklace to the late
Mr. Moiana, asking him to buy 1t, and to sub
stitute false diamonds in their place. His wife,
he said would never know the difference. Mr..
Moiana, who had known the wife from child
hood and who was friend of her family, asked
tWenty-four hours to reflect before concluding
the bargain In that time he went and told the
story to the lady's grandmother, who gave Moi
ana 60 600 to give the husband, telling him to
give back the real necklace, but not to mention
the truth This was done. Some months later
II was the wife who took the necklace to Moiana,
asking him to buy it and to substitute false
diamonds in the place of the real ones "My
husband will never know the difference" she
said Again a visit to the grandmother, who
again gave 60, 500 to keep the diamonds in the
family, and as both husband and wife still think
that the diamonds are false there is fear of the
necklace being resold.