The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1877-12-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

IHE more hat man can buy fOr u
the less bonnet woman can buy for $40,
and yet some folks say this world was
slung together in perfect manner
Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
A LITTLE girl saw her father making a
wooden egg, and, learning the use to be
made of it, she ran off to explain tn
matter to visitor, prefacing her excitet
story with the caution, "Don't you ten
the hens -
If there is anything that sets a woman
deranged, it is to have her husband en-
deavor to draw the cork from whisky
bottle with her best carving-fork and
leave one Of the tines firmly imbedded
in the cork.
"Do YOU know where [ can get room
to store load of salt ?" asked a country
man Of a Boston clerk. "Perhaps my
father can accommodate you, )" was the
reply; ''he has plenty of salt-rheum on
his hands,"
A DISTRESSED mother writes to a news
paper for advice, which she gets thusly:
"The only way to cure your son Of stay
ing out late o nights is to break his
legs, or get the girl he runs after to do
the housework.
"SHE is perfect Amazon" said a
pupil in one of our schools, of his
teacher, yesterday, to companion.
eyes" said the other, who was better
versed in geography than in history, g L
noticed she had an awful big mouth"
"Pomp, was you ever drunk 2" ''No,
I 'toxicated wild ardent spirits once, and
dat's enuff for dis darky. De Lord
bless you, Caesar, my head felt as if it
was a wood shed, while all de niggers
in de world appeared. to be splitting wood
in it."
IT makes even good Christians lip
quiver and half smile to creep over his
usually stolid countenance to see the
mosquito, with blanket round his
emaciated form, rubbing up against the
refrigerator, preparatory to leaving for
better world.
"AH, 1ovel'' she murmured, as they
wandered Through the moonlight, ''ah,
dearest, why do the summer roses fade?"
He happened to be a young chemist of
a practical trl1n of mind, and he replied
that il was owing to the insuficiency of
oxygen in the air.
A YOUNG Jerseyman who had been at
his club meeting the night before could
not eat, but sat innocently toying with
his fork ON his plate. "Why don't you
eat your sausage?" asked his wife.
"Oh," said he, I'm trying to carve my
name on the bark.
A BOY was sent for doctor, his mother
being i'll, when looking down the street
he saw great crowd. Then came a
struggle between duty and curiosity, but
he finally started for the crowd, saying ::
"The old ldy's pretty badly off, but I
know she wouldn't want me to miss that
fight"
MARK HAMILTON, speaking of belle,
who was great favorite, said: "She
has mouth like an elephant !'' "Oh,
Mr.. Hamilton said lady present,
ladies, rt1del What do you mean? L
say she has mouth like an elephant,
because it's full of ivory"
AN honest man may be about as hard
to fnd as plumber with mortgage on
his house. We won't quibble about it.
But when you do stumble upon him he
has his denmark upon his face, and,
whether in home-spun or store clothes,
might walk through the town with an
umbrella under each arm without fear
THE MEERsCHAUM.
Scorn not the meerschaum. Housewives, you have
croaked
In ignorance of its charms. Through this small
reed
Did Milton now and then consume the weed;
The poet Tennyson hath oft evoked.
The Muse with glowing pipe, and Jhackersy joked
And wrote and sang nlcOttnian mood
Hawthorne with this hath cheercd his solitude;
A thousand times this pipe hath Lowell smoked
Full oft have Aldrich, Stoddard, Taylor, Cranch,
And many more whose verses float about,
Pulled The Nirginian or Havana leaf;
And, when the poets or the artists branch
Drops no sustaining fruit, how sweet to pout
Consolatory whifs too brief!
-Harper's Magazine for December.