West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1877-12-08
WOOD PRESTON COUNTYWV SATURDAY. DECEMBER s. 1877
Mr.. Parker Exterminates the Musqui.
foes.

Mr.. Parker Exterminates the Musqui.
toes.
Mr.. Parker, besides being a philan.
thropist, is q scientist. He is interested
in all the discoveries of the modern phil
osophcrs, from Polycarp L. Pillycamp
down To those lately assembled at Nash
vile. Mr.. Parker reads all the transac-
tions of the societies for the Promulga-
tion of This, That and the Other. and dis
courses learnedly thereon. Recently
Mr.. Parker read that lady had pre-
sented paper before the Science Asso-
citation in Nashville, in which, among
other valuable things, she had suggested
method for the determination of mus
quitoes. "Take powder" said this esti-
mable woman, and place il in n shovel
close all the doors and windows of your
room, and then explode the powder.
The conclusion will eXterminate all the
mosquitoes in the apartment" "What
discovery said Mr.. Parker, rs he
read, glowing with excitement, and en-
phasizing his remark with n resounding
slap on the bald spot on top of his head
where one of the pests whose destruction
he was meditating had established him
self in business. Great gunsp con
tinued he, "what noble idea. So sim
pie, so inexpensive, SO easily applied.
No complicated apparatus needed; only
shovel Who is there that hasn't a
shovel? Where is there n grocer's shop
at which one cannot get powder2 And
only TO think that this philanthropic in
vention should have been struck out, in
moment of inspiration, by woman E?
oh, woman" said Mr.. Parker, eostati-
cally, "in our hours of ease, uncertain.
coy and hard TO please, but when mus
quitoes nip the brow, fierce, destroying
angel thouW At the conclusion of this
apostrophe 10 women, Mr.. Parker, seiz-
ing the shovel in his right hand, pointed
IT toward heaven, and, assuming the at.
titude of Liberty Enlightening the
World, shouted "Tableauv' in a loud
voice. Then he went out and bought
two pounds of powder. When Mr.. Par
ker returned to his room he made elab-
crate preparations. He closed the win
dows carefully, and, TO secure the best
results, stuffed cotton in oil the cracks
then he shut all the doors and locked
them. After he had finished these ar
rangements he glanced about the room.
Two fat mosquitoes sat leering at him
from the top of his bookcase. All was
calm without; through the closed win
dows came the mufiled hum of the city's
myriad activities. The wall of peri
patetic glazier could be family heard,
and hispathetic "glass puddin' sounded
like prophecy. The sun shone brightly,
the birds sang sweetly, the waters of the
bay danced TO the fluting of the breeze.
Within all was silence and expectation.
"AhaW said Mr.. Parker, pouring the
powder into the shovel, and perhaps
fancying himself modern Guy Fawkes
-" S'death, odds bodkins, caitiHs, thine
hour has come" Che was addressing the
musquitoes), city shrift shall be n short
one. Marry come up, by my halidom %
BY this time the shovel was full of pow
der, and, dropping his character of con-
spirator, Mr.. Parker rubbed his hands
cheerfully together and began to hunt
for match. At last he found one; he
scratched it upon the wall, but before he
applied it he thought of a passage from
Orpheus. "Just the thing" said he,
for funeral oration. Pll give it EN-"
Then, keeping one eye on the fat mus
quitoes and the other on the match, he
said: 81 have placed my hand in the
hamper. l have tasted the sacred bar
ley. / have beaten the drum. / have
'ftiN HphV0 Nih HhAJ anu ~ - lllhlfus
Mr. Parker touched the match TO the
powder and-l!!!lll 1t was finished.
As the policeman conducted Mr.. Parker
through the streets half an hour after
the explosion, the boys thought the tat
tooed man had been arrested for getting
drunk, 10 such an extent had the epider-
mical administration of powder changed
the philanthropic countenance Of Mr..
Parker. What have you to say sir,
against the charge Of attempting TO blow
up the cityP asked the stern sergeant in
the station-house. "It was great sur
prise toto me, sir" said Mr.. Parker, i'm
a dazed manner, "and / have no doubt
it was a surprise 10 the mosquitoes" /"
What can the man meant Take him
to the deepest dungeon meath"
Fl ye please, sergeant, j know this
gent II is a scientific gent, an was a
trying an Experiment wen il went off,
sir" The speaker had box full Of
glass on his back il was the man whose
"glass puddin'" had sounded like pro-
phecy. Saved ~ said Mr.. Parker. The
peripatetic glazier had a Job which took
him three days 20 finish.