The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-05-03
PENCIL AND CIsSORS.

PENCIL AND CIsSORS.
THE season of croquet and getting mad
is here.
POVERTY is the only burden which
grows heavier by being shared by those
we love.
THOSE men are worthy to be remem-
bered who have left the world better than
they found it.
THOSE who come to you to talk about
others are the ones who go to others to
talk about you.
WHY is law suit like a wood saw?
Because whichever way it goes, down
comes the dust.
CALUMNY, though raised upon moth
ing, is too swift to be overtaken. and too
volatile to be impeded.
THERE is no error so crooked but it
has in it some lines of truth. This is
why it is so successful.
TAKE things as they are, and make
the best of them. That is the only true
and practical philosophy.
CHAT portable stove saves half the
fuel" said an ironmonger. Faix, thin,
Pll take two of thin. and save it all, !"
replied his customer.
A PHILOSOPHER who went to church
where the people came in late, said it
was the fashion there " for nobody to go
till everybody got there"
JAMES BAXTER, of Baltimore. would
be a good man to send to the Black
Hills. A pistol was fired at him in
recent fight, and the ball fattened on his
forehead without injuring him.
SOME unprincipled scientist has dis
covered new and improved variety of
cockroach in Florida, and bestoyed upon
it the name of PeripLaneca australasia.
A MAN at Leavenworth fired at ghost
and brought down his wife. Women
should always put on black when they
get up to see if COW hasn't got into the
garden.
AN urchin, whose shoes look as if they
| were soon to be shed, looking at sign
of blue glass in one of the store windows.
was heard to observe: More stuff to
run into fellows foot"
| FROM THE ITALIAN.
| The past is not-the hues in which it's drest
Fond memory supplies;
| The future is not-bope borne in the breast
Its fancied joys arise;
The present is not-like the lightning's gleam
| Its brief illusions seem;
This is the life allotted unto mar,
memory, hope heeting moments span.
"Do you think 1 shall have justice
done to me?" said culprit to his shrewd
counsel. 81 am afraid somewhat that
you WON'T" replied the lawyer, 81 see
two men on the jury who are very much
opposed to hanging"
"DoEs your sister Annie ever say any
thing about me? ?" asked an anxious
lover to a little girl. eyes," was the
reply, she said if you had rockers on
YOUR shoes they'd make such nice
cradle for my doll"
THERE is an inexpressible charm to
cars-worn age in the hopes which can
never more be its own, and the illusions
which can never again lend grace to
the beaten path of existence. 1t Is
, memory that makes the old indulgent to
the young.
NoBR1sTowN Herald: A Southern hu-
, morist, known as Bill Arp, was recently
) killed in Texas by falling from wagon.
His sad fate should warn all newspaper
men to refrain from perpetrating jokes.
5 Write your humor with pair OF shears,
: and your days shall be long in the land
: AS George III was walking the quar-
7 ter-deck of one of his men-of-war, with
his hat on, sailor asked his mess-matt
e "Who that fellow was who did mo-
y douse his peak to the Admiral ?" "Why
# it's the King" "Well, king or nc
e kinp.n retorted the other, shes an un
e mannerly dogp' Lord where shoul'
y he learn manners?" replied Jack, " hi
g was never outside of land in his life"
, BosroN Journal: An elderly gentle
man, of nearly seventy winters, wa
e taking his noon cup of coffee at MIS-
IL Harrington's a few days since when
u much younger friend suggested that col
n fee drinking was very injurious. u
NJ that sop inquired the veteran; "wel
'e now, you sit down and tell me all abou
'e it F.: not that / am much interested on m
Ill own account, but 1 should like to te
Pe my father, who is about ninety years
~ age, and who persists in drinking eonee'