The Lake Charles echo. [volume] (Lake Charles, Parish of Calcasieu, La.) 1876-1898, 1877-01-26
sMILER'S HEALTH-LIFT.
Hotr the Doctor Utilized His Patients foF
tie BENEFIT Of His Both-room-


They are in the midst of a big lawsuit
in a neighbOring village between DR..
Smiler and the rest Of the population Of
the town The doctor, it seems, had a
large tank placed on the top of his house,
from which to supply his bathroom, and
so forth with water The water had to
be pumped about fifty feet from the els
tern in the yard, and the doctor found 1t
to be a pretty goOd-sized job, which
would cause him constant expense. 50,
after thinking the matter over carefully.
one day an idea struck him. He built
room over the cistern and put the word
80 Sanitarium" over the door. Then he
concealed the pump machinery beneath
the floor, and ne rugged up a kind of
complicated apparatus with handles and
hinges and a crank, so that a man by
standing in the middle of the machine
and pulling the handle up and down.
would operate tina: pump.
Then the doctor got out circulars and
published adTertisementsabOut "Smilers
Patent Health-lift," and he secured tes-
timonials from a thousand or so of pe0-
pie who agreed that the hcalth-lift was
the only hope for the physical salvation
OF the human race. Pretty soon people
began to call to see about it, and Smiler
would rush them out to the Santa
rum" and set them to jerking the han
dies. And when a customer had pump
ed up fifty gallons or 50, SmjIer would
charge him quarter. and tell him that
three months Of that kind of thing would
give him muscles like a prize-fghter.
And he would push the project among
his patients. If man was bilious, OF
had the toothache, or was afflicted with
rheumatism, or Group or measles, or yell
low fever, or cholera morbus, Smiler
would turn him in at the health-Iift and
get a quarter each time. The thing be-
came 50 popular that he had to enlarge
his tank and put in smaller pump ;
and he not only got all his pumping
done for nothing, but the people who did
it paid him about 81, 500 year for the
privilege. 1t began to look like an IN
commonly soft thing. and everybody was
contented and happy.
One day, however, old Mr.. Maginnis,
who had been Practicing at the health
lit every day for q month in order 70
cure himself of indigestion, jsmmrd the
handle down a little hard, and broke the
board upon which he was standing. As
the board gave way it plunged Mr.. Ma
giunis into the cistern, and just Is he
was sinking for the third time SmiIer
fshed him out with a crooked nail in the
end OF clothes prop. As soon as the
water was drained out of him, Maginnis
said
Il didn't know you had 4 cistern IN
der that floor. What did YOU do that
for
why, to keep the air moist. It's
healthier than dry air"
Looks to me as if there was some
kind of pump under there"
ooh 10" said Smiler, those are only
the levers of the lift"
Mighty queer" said Maginnis,
thoughtfully. "If that isn't a pump,
then don't know one when see il
So a few days later Maginnis came
around with a lot of other patients and
found the doctor out. Thew determined
to investigate They pulled up couple
of boards and ascertained the facts about
the pump. They cross-examined Smiler's
servant, and learned about the truth,
and then they went home mad \ con-
sultation was held, at which every
bilious and rheumatic individual who
had been working the doctors pump
used violent language, and talked about
murde- and sudden death. Finally
they resolved to prosecute Smiler for
damages and obtaining money under
false pretenses. 1t is thought by good
Judges that the time the court gets
through with Smiler that will be the I'M
healthiest lift for him he was ever inter
ested in.-PhiLadeIDbia BesLLstia.