The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1877-02-22
HUMOROUS.

a MEAN burlington man mas planteQ
some grssshopper eggs in his wife's
pet fiower-bed. He wants to see how
She will act when they begin to sprout.
AFTER all, mankind has changed
very little with the lapse of time. In
tavern, recently dug out at Pompeii,
the usual slate and pencil were found
hanging on the back of the door.
"LET me-" said Mr.. Moody when he
opened in Boston, "let me call your
attention to book called The Holy
Bible.'" Several of his hearers went
home and found they had one.
"JAMIE, how's your church coming
onT I" Not so vera weel. There's ma
ane belangs 'cept me and brother
Sandy, and I'm thinking he's ma ortho-
dox and must be put out"
THEY tell Of wealthy London bar
Der who has just cut off his heir with
out shilling. Now, our BARRIERS are
different; they never cut sff anybody's
hair without shilling.
WHEN you try to carry home heavy
article, you shall take every advantage
of it. Some men who can carry a jug
of whisky home when it is kept in the
jug, require the aid of two policemen
when they attempt to carry it home in
side 'em.
OFFENHACH saw little Amer can girl
at sea: At the very worst of the
storm she said to her sister, you really
ought to try and get down and fetch my
pretty little hat. l would like to die
with all my fine things on Shall we
bring up your gloves, too p rejoined the
younger one"
COMPARISONS are Odious." The
Major (rocking Nelly on his knee, for
Aunt Mary's sake }" suppose this is
what you like, Nelly" Nelly" Yes,
it's very nice. But l rode on q real
Donkey mean one with four legs,
you know"
FASHIONS that would speak for them
selves: For grass-widows, lawn; for
elderly women, MORE antique; for
Democratic bellies, anything but rep;
for women inclined to badness, mo-
hair; for women with poodles, muslin;
for shippers wives, alpaca; for the
Misses neverready, delaine; for sailors
wives, serge; for dairy-women, calico;
for soldiers wives, bombszine; for
debtors wives, ticking; for women with
profane husbands, kersey; for careless
servants, crash; for MIR. Sitting Bull,
whoop-skirts. -Louis,aAe Courier Journal.
A WOMAN in the Union Market asked
a colored patriarch if the sight of a
mince pie didn't make his mouth
water. He replied: "Dar Wuz time
when it did. In doze good ole days OBJ
long ago, when dey built mince pies
out'n meat, apples, brandy an spices,
dar wuz successive laundering to git
up clus to mince pie. But in desc
days, when dey erect s oh pies out'n
de fust grizzle an de fust apples, an
de fust pickings dat come handy, nail
on de top crust, and scallope de
edges wild dar false teeth, why, I'ze
gwine to STAN 'roun' an stan 'roun', an
take de chances on fndin' cocoanut
in de gutter. "-S. Louis Globe-Denaocru.
QUEER things happen out in Burling-
ton, la. Says the Harkeye: "One of
the lady teachers in the Peoria High
School went out coasting a short time
ago. But the cunning of her girlhood
had forsaken her, for she steered wild
ly, and before she got half way down
the hill she ran into two sleds and over
three boys, knocked the overshoes off
a fat man, scared a woman with mar
ket- basket and baby into commissions,
ran under a COW and knocked howl
as long as clothes-line out of a Dali
matian dog, and finally went bullying
through rail fence and scalped her
self and broke her leg. And she only
weighed 102 pounds when she started.
Truly, in the midst of life we are in
mischief