The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-11-09
VARIETIES.

Natural ndignation--Mater-f amilias
(whose pretty daughters have not got part
ners); Just look at those horrid married
women dancing away They ought to be
ashamed of themselves.
The other day at the Tombs court a
prisoner was upon his trial, and at the con-
clusion of it he was told that the jury had
found him guilty. Exactly" replied the
culprit; "that's just my conviction"
The enduring odor of musk is marvel
lous. When Justnian, in 538, rebuilt
what is now the mosque of Sophia, the
mortar was charged with musk, and to
this day the atmosphere of the building is
filed with the odor.
-"Sirw exclaimed long. suffering cred
itor, whose patience was nearly exhausted,
"Sir have sent you no less than seven,
teen bills for this one lot of goods, and
what have you done with them 2" "Ve-
toed 'em ; vetoed every one of 'em," was the
reply.
paddy, my boy" said gentleman to
an 1rishman, whom he observed fishing
away at favorite pool, "that must be a
fine stream for trout" "Faith, and sure
it must be that same, for have been stand
ing here this three hours, and not one of
'em will stir out of it."
"A man, anxious to protect himself from
the frequent and annoying visits of travel
ing agents, has put fire insurance plate
over the door of his house, sewing
machine in tine window, a patent washing
machine on the porch, q patent hat rack in
the hall, and lightning rod on the
roof
Two men were riding in the cars on
the Danbury railway the other morning
when one asked the other if he had pleas
ant place of residence. eyes," was the re-
ply; 1--WE have seven nice large rooms over
store" "Over a store I shouldn't
think that would quiet place." ooh, it
is quiet enough. The folks don't adver-
tise." "Ah I see," said his friend, in a
tone of relief Danbury NesOs.
The witness before the court was Mr..
Wood. "What is your name ?" asked the
clerk. "Ottiwell Wood" answered the
witness. "How do you spell your name 2"
then asked the somewhat puzzled Judge
Mr.. Wood replied 80 double T, 1 double
U, E double L, double U, double o d.
The astonished Judge thought it the most
extraordinary name he had ever met with,
and, after two or three attempts to record
it gave it up, amid roars of laughter,
AT a sale of handmade oil paintings
shipped and sent from mandatory, and
sold at ridiculously low prices, Mr.. Mid
dlerib was looking at grand painting of
Niagara, in blue and green water, and
white moonlight and green grass and gray
md n, f,ua L.
theatre drop curtain. "That is q rare pic
ture, sir; very rare picture" remarked
the illustrious artist who presided over the
auction. "Rare, ell !" grinned Mr.. Middle
rib. "Rare oh yes, l see; not we'll DONE"
And then there was silence in the vicinity
of Niagara by Moonlight" for the space
of ten minutes. Burlington Hatokeye.
An insurance adjuster went to see
man whose house has been destroyed by
fire.
Said adjuster: "How did this thing hap
PEN"
House owner: Don't know-it's a mys-
terry"
Adjuster: swell, know"
House owner "Let's have it that's just
what I'd like to find out"
Adjuster: "It's friction"
House owner: Decentralization what
is that 2"
Adjuster: "Wby, friction is the result of
rubbing $1,000 policy on 5000 house."
There is an old story of traveller sit
ting at western hotel table. He ordered
beetsteak for breakfast, and the waiter
presently brought small piece on large
plate. The traveller turned it over, inspect
ed it carefully, then said to the waiter:
"Yes, that's the kind ; now go and get ME
some as soon as you can" That is what
the country is saying to the President. 1t
has been looking at the little dish of Civil
Service Reform he has brought and it likes
it. Now it wants enough for square
meal, and it would like the President to
know that it has waited good while, and
is hungry.-NeW York World.