Litchfield enquirer., 1877-05-10
CLIPPINGS

 We recommend that the officers of life insurance companies be supplied with bell punches.
 Our experience with rich relatives has furnished us with abundant proof that few die, and most assuredly none resign. |s Admiral POftefs daughter, the fourth and last single bridesmaid of MrG Sar- toris, will marry Lieut.. Logan, May 10th. And nobody mourns for Logan.
 A sweet little boy, only years old, walked into a teachers examination, at Oswego, and bawled out: 'Annie, your fellow is down to the house"
 'I am astonished, my dear young lady, at your sentiments; you make me start. "Well, have been wanting you to start for the last hour"
 Violet colored ink has suddenly gone out of fashion with lovers, who are return ing to the old-fashioned blue. This lat ter ink doesn't stand ont so big before jury.
 1 In Vermont the crusade against dogs is unusually fierce. At one place, Ferris burg, there is standing reward of $l for the hide of Spitz, and the Spitz minds accordingly.
 The season fast approaches when the young man with finances Co cover two plates of ice cream, awaits breathlessly the answer to, "Will you have some cake?" nnu
 "Wasn't me! I wasn't therel Ididn'td take a cent!'' is tho universal refrain of the gentlemen whom Tweed mentions. At the battle of denial they are there all the while.
 A goat at Newberg recently ate up all the stoves in front of warehouse, and when the police really got at him he had begun to eat the ladies' cabin off ferFyboat. The beauty of that Southern country is man does not require much to keep him alive. A quart of dates and a bottle of castor oil will feed Turk for week.
 Watterson thinks the agony of having a ten million dollar uncle, of whom you are the chief heir, constantly on your mind, can never be adequately described by nor tai pen.
 The Oil City gallery lads are putting on style They make opera glasses by tying two mineral bottles together. and gaze through them with dignifed expression at the actors.
 In the report of the Southern, and in fact of all other hotel fires, it is invariably noticeable that the bland and gentleman ly clerk heroically rescues his diamond pin and then makes his escape. A man who can sit with his feet in pail of hot. water, with a strip of red flannel about his throat, and not feel the tender iOAn nf fo kN kha asnh instincts which link humanity to nature.
 An excellent old deacon. who. having won @ fine turkey at a charity raffie, didn't like to tell his severe orthodox wife how he came by it, quietly remarked, as he handed her the turkey, that the Shakers gave it to him."
 "Mr. Jones. don't you think women are more sensible than men? asked Miss ! Smite. And Jones, after scratching his fa- vorite bump for moment or two, said: "Why, certainly, they are-they marry men, and men only marry women." Miss Smith beat nasty retreat.
 A man lectured in Brooklyn the other evening in vindcation of Judas. The au- dience consisted of three men, one wom- an and boy. indicating that Judas has fewer friends in Brooklyn than would nat urally be expected,
 A lawyer and a minister, both impecu- nions, boarded with a certain widow lady l at the South End, Boston. Neither could pay his board. The lawyer married the lone woman. and the minister performed the ceremony, thus squaring accounts. Gen. Hawlev takes very hopeful view of the future in Louisiana, and all ac- counts agree that an era of peace and good feeling has set in even the republi- cans confessing that the negroes are treat ed better than they have ever been be- fore.
 When Buffalo young lady-So writes correspondent-parts from her beau who is too bashful to understand the nicer usages of his position, she will say: "Wil- liam, if you were to kiss me you might be afraid ma would hear it. But If I creak the gate she won't know the diference" A Meriden correspondent says-''we like the idea of removing the Reform school into some vast wilderness-sOme boundless contiguity of shade"-if for no other reason than to rid us of the cease less, senseless clack about it !'' That's what we thought
 ''Old Si'' was asked his opinion of the blue glass theory and to his questioner, who was a church steward; Well, now, l you jest git CT blue glass sa' a'sser next Sum- 1 day, an see de feckt ob hit when yer go ter raise yer colleckshun-ef dat succeed, I'm gwine ter b'leeve Tn de feckt of blue glass, but not befo.
 Mr.. Spyker has a boy who ''nails" things" One day he remarked in the presence of both parents, 'Ma, saw Pa kiss you in the woodshed last eve-h ming" "Huslf, Johnnie; your Pa never committed such a foolish act!" ''Yes, he did Ma, cause thought it was Jane, and Jane says it wasn't her. but you !'', Jane doesn't work there now.
 Instructor in astronomy; '.And now young gentlemen, which of you can tell me the name of the greatest of the planets? the champion planets so to speak-of our solar system?" Student: ''I can, sir; it's Saturn" Instructor, hesitating- ly: "And how's that, pray?" Student l Why, because he carries the belt" In- structor dismisses the class without furth. CT comment.
 "Driver," said gentleman to q hack man whom he had engaged by the hour, ''why is it the more you beat your horses the slower they seem to proceed?" ''That'a cause I has em trained" was the reply. Questioned further. the fellow declared; "when I whips one of my losses on the left side he understands I've got Q party, what pays by the hour, and SO he earns his oats by loafn'."
 We presume at least fifty applications | for the consulship at Brussels were for. warded to Washington. yesterday. For the papers announced in the morning that present incumbent had had a stroke of paralysis. The ofice- hunters bear in mind the story of the minister who spoke to the young widow on returning to the house after fhe funeral. "Law," says she,- you're too late-the deacon and arranged it at the grave"