The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1877-05-25
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aDalogies are misleading-it's all stuf-the
y tNans crazy. Say you so Then are we pre-.
pared to come fiat and plump to something
practical viz, the Southern fool.
The first Southern fool whom shall no
tice is the worst, for he is more knave than
fool, hound whose hide intend some day
to tear off and hold his quiverng carcass up
to stink in the nostrils of both sections. 1t
is he, who, having gone North and acquired
money by hook or by crook, mainly by crook,
proceeds to take unto himself all the glory
and the fame of the South, dsowns her
shame, evades her suffering, and over
whelms us with his advice. His advice,
quotha Why doesn't he come down and
put his shoulder to the wheel? Advice |!
t-1Pou word, s5vurfcmcu, ssr-.s -rie-S~ss-u,ts
vice from a fool Of this sort is the acme of
all mcanness. 1t is the very inversion of
generosity, which naught impoverishes the
giver, but makes us poor indeed. Will a
beggar give me handful of his rags? The
| figure is coarse, horribly coarse, but not so
coarse as the fact.
1t was a shoal of this kind of cattle (is
that Irish enough for you y of these advice
givers (Northern born though) who swoopcd
down upon us after the war to teach us how
| to grow cotton and tobacco with machinery
and free labor. They would hear nothing,
for they knew all things. The last nincom-
poop of them failed ignomipiously, and in
my State not few of them discovered that
in the simple matter of cheating any Vir-
ginia clodhopper was moro than match for
the shrewdest Yankee. He made him pay
three prices for his worn, out farm, one third
frcash, And in a year or so took back the farm
| for the deferred payments. The more fool
the Virginian for this goose ripping policy,
but none the less fool the Yankee.
Prior to the war the Southern fool made
his wishes the measure of political events,
and sentiment served him in lieu of scuse.
He believed in Bell and Everett q voted
for them-none of my people shall be big
ger folls than mysclf) in Fillmore, John
Cochranc, Butler, Sickles. Bah AS if the
designs of an army could be- discovered by
the attitude of the chaplains, the teamsters,
suffers and bummers in the rear, instead of
by watching the movements of the van
guard. Is the Southern fool doing any bet
ter row Does experience teach anything
Very little. to individuals, to nations moth.
ing.
When the war broke out the Southern
fool began by undertaking the strength of
his enemy, by looking down upon the Yam
KEGS as the Southern. boys had done at
Princeton. Coming to KlchmoDd alter the
battle of Manassas, with the body of a dead
comradc, | was told that great Southern
statesman was in town. | fastened to him
at once, for wanted to see ahead. "Nr
X" said |, "the papers tell us that Lin
coin has called for 100000 men," He
laughed low laugh, leaned back little,
and said chcerily. "Oh, yes, the Chinese
raised million, with gongs and stinkpots
according, and ten thousand allies marched
straight to Pckin." | was greatly comfor-
| ted.
This Chinese idea prevailed at Montgom-
cry, where, am told, the first order for
arms was for nine thousand, possibly ten
thousand stand. Passing over the minor
follics of retaining proved incompetents at
the head Of grand armies and elsewhere,
passing over Lees extreme weakness in not
holding his lieutcnants up to the sterncst
accountability, I come to the capital mistake
of the war. 1t was natural the Southern
fool should make il. A handsome gentle
mani can see him now; we all remember
him above the medium height suit of
black broadcloth, black satin vest, felt hat,
gold fob chain, gold headed cane and high
heel, high top boots-a gentleman who did
1.nothing with his hands and a good deal with
his tongue, thereby making himself very
agreeable to himself. But there was one
redeeming quality about the fellow-he
wouldn't take the lie, and he would fight
would snuff out your eephalic wick at ten
PAGES, or fight you with anything from a
toothpick to columbiad. a fight to hin,
was five minutes affair, and if enough life
was left in himself or his enemy to shake
hands, he was ready to make friends, and
ther. an end ont. What more natural than
that he should believe that war meant fight,
ing.
1t was fatal mistake, the cardinal error
of the whole struggle. War-nine-tenth
of it, at least, as Alex. II. Stephens said at
the time-is business, the plaincst possible
matter of fact business, just such business
as is done every day here on your wharves
and streets, only with more energy. Die
any cf you enter the Yankee lines at tho
close of the war ? did, and what did | see!
| saw in succession team Of mouse. colorct
mules, team of cream colorcd mules and {
team of snow-white mules. six to team, ant
, all seal fat, ,(specimens of the train) the wag
ons brand new, and the wagon cloths ;
deal cleaner than tho shirt was then wear
ing. a little further on saw corps o
f 10000 egrocs, whose camp was like a Ma.
ground when Merrie England was in it
prime. Why, gentlemen, war to this peo
pie was pastime, it was aesthetics and poetry
and can readily believe what has Otter