The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1877-01-05
Pilkins as a Benefactor.

Pilkins as a Benefactor.
Pilkins is looking for another office
boy. He got a new one last week, but
the youth has passed on to other scenes.
The boy came to him in answer to an
advertisement. He was neatly dressed,
hair combed nicely, and shoes shiny.
His appearance was engaging, and Pill
kins thought as he gaZed upon him that
he had never before met with a boy who
seemed so completely the ideal of what
he had pictured would make him happy
every time he had found it necessary to
seek youthful assistance through the
medium of the newspapers. He asked
a few questions and received satisfac-
tory answers, engaged the boy on the
spot, after examining a specimen Of his
penmauship, which the youth had
brought with him. 1t consisted of a
verse of scripture and looked very neat.
Everything was in ship-shape, and the
words all properly spelled and punctu-
ated. Pilkins went home that night
happy man. His heart was buOyant,
and he felt on good terms with the
whole human family. He kissed his
wife for the first time in two years, gave
her a twenty-dollar bill for pin-money,
greeted his mOLher-in-law with much
cordiality, and allowed his baby boy so
many sweetmeats for tea that every
body in the house was kept up all night,
taking turns in trotting him around,
and skirmishing between the house and
the corner drug store. In the course of
a day or two, however, domestic affairs
assumed the "even tenOr,n etc., the
households pride resumed its normal
condition, and Pilkins was once more
at liberty to seek happiness within, and
many air castles did he build, the domes
of all which upheld statues of the new
boy at the Office. He resolved that he
would be a benefactor and a protector
to him; he would win his confidence,
and teach the child to love him. He
would give him good business educa-
tion, and train him up in his own pro-
fession, and perhaps, in after years, when
the fathers mantle should have de-
scended to the hero of the sweetmeats,
the two might perpetuate the beautiful
legend of David and Jonathan, and ce-
ment in a business union the kindred
affections of father and benefactor.
Pilkins don't think exactly in that
strain at the present writing. His feel
ings have undergone a singular revolu-
Hon, and, as We remarked in the outset,
he has advertised for another boy. The
mightiest events find birth sometimes
in the slightest and most trivial circum-
stances. The fate of Rome was decided
by flock of gabbling geese; the pros
perity and happiness of Pilkin's boy
was shattered by his murderous SPELL
ing. Had his orthography been equal
to his appearance he might in time
have risen to a summit so lofty that the
eyes of a nation could behold him, aud
thousands of other boys yet unborn
trace out in the sands of time his foot
prints to success. But as he killed his
intended benefactor by assassinating the
lexicon, his biographer will be likely to
have an easy time of it, and if any of
his tracks are ever found they will in
all probability be discovered deeply i'm
bedded in the mud of obscurity.
The duties into which the new boy
was installed were manifold, but his
success was fully up to the average in
most of them. After he had been on
triel two or three days, Pilkins laid be.
fore him a large pile of bills and in
voices, and explained how he wished
them folded up in certain shape, of uni
form size, and slight indication of their
contents written across the end. The
boy said he comprehended the idea, and
set to work with a vim that caused his
kind-hearted employer to pat him on
the head and remark that he was good
boy and deserved to get on in the world.
About this time Pilkins was called out of
the office and didn't return for a couple
of hours; when he did SO, he found the
task completed and the boy anxious to
submit the work for the appreciation he
felt sauguine it would receive. Pilkins
talked patronizingly to the youngster
while he wiped his glasses, but as soon
as he had put them on and taken one
square look at the papers before him,
his suavity of manner ceased to be ex-
cessive. His brow darkened and his
voice grew terrible as his eye quailed
before such inscriptions as "frate bile
on sum shooger," "pade for vittles and
uther things" "bile on kole bot fur
hoWs," "bile on a mann no pute sum
glas inter the Orfiss winders," !" "pade fur
fixen karridge," "bile fur sum close fur
missus pilkuns," "munney give tew a
niggore fur wOtteren thee streats, )" "bile
fur ate baruls Nv pertayturs."
There was one brief, fleeing moment
in which Pilkins might have been
knocked down with feather, but in the
next instant he brought his cIenched
fist down on the desk with the force Of
a trip-hammer, splitting the panel, up
setting the ink-stand over the new ledger,
and sending things spinning over the
flour, while he poured forth calculations
indignant and profane.
Then he turned upon his shattered idol,
seized him by the ears, lifted him up
aDouI three Ieet ABOVE Tue iioOT, orought
could master, and bade him begOne from
his sight. "You blasphemous little
be yelled, 81 couldn't have