Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1877-02-10

4 Who hath " stlll ana 0oth regret W
"ln,erpcse betwixt Us Team.
Merchant cf IeHie'.
l revcrenty believe that the Maker Who
made US all, makes everything in New Ing
Hand but the weather. don't know who
makes that, but think it must be raw ap-
prenlices in the Weather Clerks factory, who
experiment and learn how in New England,
5for board aud clothes, and then are promoted
I, to make weather Tor countries that require a
good article end will AXE their custom else
where If they don't set it. Laughter !
There is a sumptuous variety about the New
5Encland weather that compels toe stranger s
admiration and regret Laughter The
weather is always doing something there al
ways attending strictly to business; always
| getting up new designs and trying them on
The people to see how they viii 50. 7 Laugh
ltcr. But it gets through more business 10
/ the Spring than in any other season. In the
.Spring I have counted 1856 different kinds Of
weather inside Of four aud twenty hours
srLauohter.1 1t was that made tho fame
!and fortune Of that man that had that mar
;yelous collection Of weather on exhibition 81
the Centennial that so astonished the foreign
.ers. He was going to travel all over the
world and get specimens from all the climesI
j said, Don't you 10 it you come to New
iEnsland on a favorable Spring day" told
him what we could do, in the way Of Style
variety, and quantity. [LaughieT1 Well,
,he came, and he made his collection in four
days. As to variety. why, he confessed that
he got hundreds of kinds Of weather that be-
had never heard Of before. And as TO quan-i
] 3Gty; well, after he had picked out and dis
,caried all that was ylcmishel in any way, Lf
! hot only had weather enough, but weather Il
sssplre; weather to hire out; weather to sell /;
weather to deposit weather TO invest weather
1to give 10 the poor Laughter and applause. !.
iTho people Of New England are by nature
inatient end forebcafing but there arc some
things which they will not stand. Every year
they kill lot Of poets for writing about
i"Beautiful Spring" Laughter These are
generally casual visitors, who bring their no.
itons of Spring from somewhere else, and can
tnct. Of course, know how the natives feel a.
bout Spring. And SO, The Grst thing they
know, the opportunity to inquire how they
feel has permanently gone by. Laughter.
4 Old Probabilities has mighty reputation
for accurate prophecy and thoroughly deserves
III. You take up tho papers and see hon
jcrisply and confidently he checks off what
'to-days weather Ia going to be on the Pacific,
down South, in the Middle States. in the Wis
e ,nsin region. See him sail along in the joy
and pride of his power till he gets to New
iEuelanl, and then Gee his tail drop. He
ioesnt know what the weather is going to be
,in New England He can't any more than he
can tell how many Presidents Of the United
States there's going to be next year. Tap
lplause Well be mulls over it, and by and BY
gets out something about like this: Probable
nor east to sou west Winds varying TO The
'soutbard and westard and eastird and points
between high and low barometer, sweeping
around from place to place probable areaa %
rain. snow, bail ard drought, seccrcdei o. pre-
'cedei b. earthquakes, with ihunicf ard
lightning. loud laughter and app.aulc. Il
,Then he l,s down ihis po-'scrirt from iis
wandering mind % cover accidents bui .
h possible ihatile rrosfaame nay tc vio.'J
changed 10 tie meantime. ' [ioui Laughter ]
Yes. one u tLe brigiict rcms ia ile Nra
.Eos,ard ueaihef s iho dazzling unosria'riy
g. There O. oily one tiirg certain ahaai
N. you ore certain ihere is 3 Cog O. te T.snil
II voa'ier. Ilaueiiul A rrrirrt sfils
review tut you regcf cao ttf ul.el Ell =
i,to gfo1cssio h g1i-r io u.fe lut 200
.fx % frito drouslt son .sars gaur ur-
.br,na in ihe bo-sc ani s.iiJ ore uth your
srfintErs-rai. ari On o. rec yol 60 lf.ar-
'oi. rArP',-ssl You make % yeur Mind
'iat lie ea1,iquike q does So saai i'on
'usdcr and take h1I of somethias 20 steady
,yosra'f. ard ilo frst tiirs 500 krou you 60
truck b. Esliriar. rLsusi'erl Ilee afe
great disappointment Bat they can't be
.beipei. rIaughtcr.I The lightning there IS
peculiar it Is convincing; Vhen i strikes a
sihins it doelnt leave enough Of that ihins
behind for you 70 ten whethef will, you'd
9.h:nk i vas sonnc;hing valuable, and a Con-
cressman had been there. loud laughter
lana appIause.l
And the thunder. when the thunle' CON-
.mences merely to tune up, and serape, and
Saw, and key up tie instruments for The per-
!formance, strangers say, Why, what awful
iitbunder you have here" But when the baton
Bis raised, and the real concert begins, you'll
find that stranger down IN the cellar with bis
3head IN the ash barrel CLaughter.l
Now. as to the size Of the weather in New
lEngland-lengtbways mean. It is utterly
jdisproporiioned to the size Of that little coun-
s.ry. Laughter Half the time, when it is
Gas full as it can stick, you will see that New
sEnsland weather sticking out beyond the
sedges and projecting around hundreds and
shundreds Of miles over to the ueighborine
Estates. [Laughter.l She can't hold tenth
Fpart Of her weather. You can see cracks al
I about, where she has strained herself trying tc