The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-03-08
Rdcy correspondence.
1Chicapo Ledper

An aspiring genius, who IS destined to
make noise in the werld, if a cruel
Providence does not cut short his ambi-
tious career, recently wrote the follow
ing letter to Western publishing-house:
/ How much would you charge a hundred
if would want five hundred or thousand
week of your newspap ers have you papers
to publish once week and have you them
to publish twice week does the law de.
have it recorded in the Secretary of State
Office or does the law demand that it be
recorded with any officer can man select an
article for a newspaper without the
publishers consente when man
selects an article to print does he
have to give the name of the news
paper he got the article out of how big a
paper would have to print to be worth two
dollars year and would have to give any
part of it to the government as tax can
man be fined for not stating all the facts in
an article he puts into his paper ef it was i'm
possible to get all of them in time or can he
be fined eff hispaper is behind in ge tin out
which politics is the best payin and is the
sheriff bound by law to give me all his
printing ef have the only paper of his
politics in the county can Iget editorials of
you how much would you charge pease.
&#*&@
To which the following answer was
sent:
DEAR SIR: Yours at hand. In reply would
Lab l., n -; n
of civil enactments are well.nigh infinite,
and, of those who have yearnings after
the inscrutable, more difficult of solution
and syllogistic elucidation than the prob
lens of Euclid or the Cyclopean m ysteries.
The interpretations of the most eminent
forensic elucidators have in all ages been
widely adverse, and not infrequently diam
etrically at variance, with the promulgations
of the most exalted tribunals. This, as you
will readily perceive, h as eliminated in con
fusion of ethics well-nigh incomprohensible
to those of the most obtuse procliyities, and
even the brightest examples of the most
incandescent and evanescent genius have
had to yield the palm, snd effervesce in the
most fatulent and diabolic manner, without
the slightest regard to the intrinsic merits
or abnormal dement's of the case in point.
But to illustrate: The superior tribunals of
this, as well as all other countries-whether
monarchical or democratic in polity of ad-
ministration and form of diplomacy exer-
cised to render invulnerable the inalienable
rights and boons of citizens and subjects,
inherent alike to plebeian and patrician---
have, since the earliest periods of antiquity,
welded the balance of power in all parabolic
matters of this kind, and from their Chin
erical emanations there has never, to our
knowledge, been the slightest microscopic,
or even infnitesimal, fraction OF chance
of escape from the polarity of the prob
lem, even when the idiosyncrasies of the
promulgators themselves, or their factions
by deputy, were disposed to circumvent the
doctrinal segments of the parallax. But to
make the matter more clear to your asip inc
perception, lake the well-known example of
the Hebrides, and institute thorough a-,d
circumspect review of all its intricacies, and
You will readily comprehend, with even
Falstafian obesity, that the probabilities Of
your ever being eliminated for your M
beetle desire to promulgate and disseminate
the vapid exhalings of your vacuous Uranium
in the manner conceded as Archimedean,
are, in an arithmetical point of consid era
ton, scarcely more probable than that the
potentate of Hades will continue to exer-
else dominion over that fervid territory until
the grand finale of destiny.
ANY further information you may desire
will be cheerfully furnished on applicati on.
Very truly yours. **a&