The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1877-04-12
MY GREAT AUNT'S WILL.

l am clerk in country store, and
sometimes | wish I'd been martyr in
those days when they stretched people
on beds of spikes or roasted them ON q
gridiron. Then l think 1 could have
taken little comfort in life.
This is the way of it: l am behind
the counter on the side where we keep
prints, and there trots up to the oppo-
site side, where we keep hannels, a GUS
toner neither young nor beautiful; |
hurry around and across, and she asks
for calicoes then turn her about and
make my way back, and pull down
half dozen pieces, but she just gazes
at the shelves, says she'd like to look
at the under piece on the top shelf; |
climb up, at the risk of breaking my
neck, and get the under piece out, and
she concludes 'tisn't what she thought
it YVES. Then she says she'd like to look
sat that Stripe" l blunder on to every
other stripe before l get her particular
stripe. Then she says she wants little
figure, and l get all the little figures
out for her. She wants to know how
much tits a yard / say cents, and she
says she can get better in Springfield
for 5 cents, and she looks at me sus-
piciously, as if I was a cheating youth.
She wants to know if it'll wash, and I
say presume so,most calico does wash,
and she looks at me Indignantly, as if |
was a saucy youth. Then she asks me
If we take eggs, and say we do, andw
pay % cents, and she says they're pay
ing 80 cents at the other store; and off
she goes, and put up the prints, and
am down at the farther end of the room
turning fragments out of cracker bar
rel, when back she comes and wants
samples.
We keep the post-office, and by the time
l get back to my cracker barrel, in
comes man who wants to know if he
hasn't letter. He never had a letter
in his life, and he knows it, and l know
it; but it is one of those facts that both
parties ignore, and / go and look, anu
give him the consoling assurance that
he hasn't any, and he departs in peace
of mind.
Then there is a lady who wants to
match COMPOUNDED bit of silk braid,
drab bordering on the lilac. 1t takes
me five minutes to find one box of silk
braids, and five more to find we haven't
drab bordering on the lilac. Then she
wants sewing-silk the same shade, and
hunt through all the sewing-silks, and
there's drab bordering on every thing
else under the sun except lilac; but
know by the way her 1ounces sweep out
that mercantile house not keeping
drab bordering on the lilac stands very
low.
get down to the farther end of the
store again, and there comes man to
the front-door, and yells out loud
enough for every customer to hear that
he's brought back that barrel of flour;
says the bread was black and all dough
in the middle. Now that man under
stood, when he had that -four, that it
was inferior quality, not recommended,
and he had it cheap, and took it be-
cause it was cheap. help him roll
the flour in, and | can see that he
thinks he has circumvented villain.
That's the way it goes day after day,
week after week, and hate tea, detest
saleratus, abhor Goldfish, and wish cali
CO, cotton cloth, drilling, hooks and
eyes, and all the rest of the wretched
necessities of an artificial civilization
were at the bottom f the Indian Ocean.
| long to be savage more than do to
be an angel, and 1 shall be, one of these
days, though I do wear cloth suits, and
have a shaving mug at the barber's
marked in gilt letters, S. o. Haynes.
wonder that all self-respect and senti-
ment of humanity hasn't long ago per-
ished from out my bosom.
Such were my reflections one fine
morning just after train time, while l
was weighing out half pound of black
tea, when my fellow-sufferer in the
dry goods and grocery inhiction yelled
out,
"Here's lady inquiring for you,
Sam"
In distinct outline before the door
stood little woman, her skirts spread
out by triangular hoop like the skirts
of the female tipurpS We usad to drou