Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-01-05

THE OLDEST INHABITANT--THEw WEATHER.
who hath lost and doth forget III
who hath II still aud doth regret ~
'Interpose betwixt us TpaiR."

/ reverenlly believe that The Maker who
makes us all makes everything in New
England but the weather. 1 don't know
who makes that, but 1 think 1t mnst be
raw apprentices In the weather clerks fac
tory who experiment and learn how, in
New England, for board and clothes, aud
then are promoted TO make weather for
countries that require good article and
will take their custom elsewhere if they
don't get 1t.
There is a sunptuous variety about the
New England weather that compels the
strangers admiration and-regret. The
weather is always doing something there |;
always attending strictly 10 business; al
ways getting up new designs and trying
them on the people TO see how they will go.
But II gets through more business in spring
than In any other season. In the spring,
l have counted 1876 different kinds Of wealth
er inside OF ffour-and-twenty hours.
1t was that made the fame and fortune
of that man that had that marvellous col
lection of weather on exhibition al the CEN
tennial that so astounded the foreigners
He was going 10 travel all over the world
and get specimens from all the climes. 1
said, "Don't you do il; you come to New
England on a favorable spring day." 1
told him what we could do in The way Of
style, variety and quantity. Well, he came,
and he made his collection in four days.
As 10 variety; why, he confessed that he
| got hundreds of kinds of weather that'he
had never heard OF before. And as TO guam
tity d; well, after he had picked out and dis
carded all that was blemished in any way,
he not only had enough, but weather TO
spare; weather 10 hire out; weather 10
sell TO deposit weather TO invest wealth
er 10 give TO the poor.
The people Of New England are by ma
ture patient and forbearing; but there are
somo things which they will not stand.
Every year, they kill lot of poets for
writing about beautiful Spring" These
are generally casual visitors, who bring
their notions of spring from somewhere
else, and cannot, of course, know how the
natives feel about spring. And so, the first
thing they know, the opportunity TO in
| quire how they feel has permanently gone
by.
Old Probabilities has a mighty reputa-
ton for accurate prophecy, and thoroughly
well deserves it. You take up The paper
and observe how crisply and confidently
he checks of what to-day's weather is 60
| ing to be, on the Pacifc-down South-in
the Middle States-in the Wisconsin re-
gion-see him sail along in the joy and
pride of bis power till be gets to New Eng
land-and then see his tail drop. He doesn't
know what the weather is going TO be in
New England. He can't any more tell
than be can tell how many presidents of
the United States there's going to be, next
year. Well, he mulls over 1t, and, by and
by, he gets out something like this: Prob
able nor'east to sou'wcst winds. varying to
the southland and wesrard and BASTARD
and points between high and low barom-
eter, swapping around from place to place
| prabab!e areas of rain, snow, hail and
| droutb, succeeded or preceded by earth
| quakes, with thunder and lightning. Then
he jots down this postscript from his wan
dering mind, to cover accidents: "BMt il
! is possible that the program may be icholly
changed in Gie mean time"
Yes. one of the brightest gems in the
New England weather Is The dazzling un-
certain about III: You are certain there is
going 10 he plenty OF weather-a perfect
| grand review-but you never can tell
which end OF The procession is going to
move first. You fix up for the drouth;
you leave your umbrella in The house, and
sally out with your sprinkIing-po;, and len
to one you get drowned; you make up
yonr mind that the earthquake is due;
you stand from under, aud take hold of
something TO steady yourself, and, the
first thing you know, you get struck by
lightning. These are great disappoint-
ments. But they can't be helped. The
lightning there is peculiar; it is so con-
vincing when it strikes a thing, 1t doesn't
leave enough of that thing behind for you
TO tell whether-well, you'd think it was
something valuable, and congressman
had been there. And the thunder. When
the thunder merely commences TO tune up,
and scrape and saw, and key up the instru-
ments for the performance, strangers say,
"Why, what awful thunder you have hereP'
But when the baton is raised, and the real
concert begins, you'll find that stranger
down in the cellar with his head in the ash
barrel. Now as to the size Of the weather
in New England-lengthways, mean-it
is utterly disproportioned TO the size OF
thIt little country. Half the time, when 1t
is packed as full as it can stick, you will
see that New England weather sticking
out beyond the edges and projecting a
round, hundreds and hundreds of miles,
over the neighboring states. She can't
hold tenth part of her weather. You can
see cracks all about, where she has strained
herself trying 10 dot
Icou.d speak volumes about the inhu-
man perversity OF the New England wealth
er, but will give but a single specimen.
like TO hear rain on tin roof. So COW
cred part of my roof with lin, with an eye
10 that luxury. Well, sir, do you think 1t
ever rains on that tinH No, sir-skips it
every time. Mind, in this speech have
been trying merely 10 do honor to the New
England weather-no language could do II
justice. But, amer all, there is at least one
or two things about that weather (or, you
please, effects produced by ), which we
residents would not like 10 part with. II
we hadn't our bewitching autumn foliage,
we should still have TO credit the weather
with one feature, which eompensates for
all its bullying vagaries-the ice-storm-
when a leafiess tree is clothed with ice from
the bottom to the top-ice that is as bright
aud clear as crystal every bough and twig
is strung with ice-beads, frozen dew-drops,
aud the whole tree sparkles cold and white,
like the shah OF Persia's diamond plume.
Then the wind waves the branches, and
tba eun eomas ont and tnrna all those mVf-
lads of beads and drops to prisms, that glow
and fash with all manner OF colored fires,
which change and change again with in