The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-05-30

VII OOnC uA4SA oOulC COlSt I5uChWUChI CdkCS
were discovered, the table spread on the
corner OF the mantel-p piece, and dinner an
nounced as ready.
Wadso groaned in the spirit at the
sight Of the unsavory viands, and his ap-
petite vanished like boys kite when the
string breaks.
Nov, if you're through, let's move
the stove," said Mrs. w., after allowing
him seventeen seconds to worry the NUT
ton bone in.
Wadso rolled up his sleeves, mounted
the kitchen table, gave wrench at the
pipe head enough to haul an anchor out
OF the mud. The next moment the table
had turned back somcrsault, he had
peeled the skin off his shins and knuckles
by falling over the stove, and his wife
was stamping around with tears in her
eyes, and about peck of SCOT poured over
her face,
''There I knew you'd do it," screamed
Mrs. W., looking as if she was BACKED
for a negro minstrel performance
Wadso made no reply, his attention be-
ing divided just then between his LAGER
ated shins and broken window, through
which he had driven the end of that in
fernal stove-pipe
"You did it on purpose, 1 believe"
sobbed his sooty wife, wiping her face
with her petticoat.
Wadso said nothing, but rugged away
at the pipe, and, after knocking down a
bird cage, upsetting glass lamp, running
his clothes, and nearly jamming the eye
out OF Annie, who was passing, succeeded
in getting into his garden. He did not
return just then, but spent the next two
hours thrashing dirty carpets with broom
handle, choking and binding himself
with, dust raising blisters on his hands,
bumps on his head, and such quantity
OF profanity sins on his conscience, that
bottles of lniment and weeks of piety will
scarcely effect cure. When he did 90
in, it was with the face of chimney
sweep, muscles aching, hands smarting,
shins paining, eyes watering and temper
soured to such an extent that even the Sc
ductive charms of the cold mutton bone
dished up again for his supper, failed en-
tirely to restore him to good humor.
Mrs. w. retired early, worn out with
the duties of the dsy, and Wadso, having
! added up his grocer's and butchers books,
washed himself at the kitchen sink with
yellow soap, locked up the house, extin-
guished the gas, and went sadly, sorely
and hungrily to bed.
Course it?' he exclaimed, as he fell
over the rocking chair on entering the
pitch dark room and was kicked in the ear
with the rocker.
"Oh, heavens! what noise you're
| making" screamed his wife from the
| bed.
"Why in thunder didn't you leave
things where they belong?" he yelled, as
he tried to get out of the clutches of the
kicking, floundering chair.
"It's your own stupid awkwardness -
she answered.
! It's your COMPOUNDED upsetting!'' re-
orted Wadso, getting up on his feet and
sitting down in the place where the bed
used to stand.
"Mercy on me! what the dickens is
this?" he yelled, upon finding the bed
gone, and he wildly clutched at table to
save himself from falling, dragging a
globe of gold fish down upon his head
with crash.
you'll break everything in the housew
cried his wife, jumping out of the bed
in the opposite corner and lighting the
gas.
blouse be ha-hanged, wo-wo-man! I
Pm drowned!' gasped Wadso, wiring
ing the water out Of his hair, eyes, and
shirt.
1T serves you right! Look at the
mess you've made!" snapped Mrs. w.,
as she Topped around in her mig t-clothes
to pick up the Hopping fish and put them
in basin.
Wadso, having got on his feet again,
was about to reply, when he beheld the
partner of his Joys and SORROWS suddenly
drop the basin, kick out like mule, and
prance around the room on one foot,
like dancing dervish, finally collapsing
in a grooming, moaning, sobbing, hysterical
heap of bare feet, agony and sleeping
raiment.
"Cramps, eh!' he inquired, solicitously,
as he wiped his neck dry with the corner
Of the counterpart.
"Much y-you care!" she sobbed, nurs-
ing her foot, after having extracted a full
grown, well-developed tack she had
stepped on.
burnt down than the way it u.s." growled
Wadso, as he turned the gas out and him
self into bed
* * /: x
II wish you would carry that clock
down to the parlor," said Mrs. w. next
morning as he was about descending to
the breakfast-table. 5.f
Wadso took the clock in his arms, and
preceded her, treading carefully down the
stairs. He CHANGED to step on a piece of
soap, forgotten while scrubbing the day
before, and after trying to kick the cell