The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-11-24
VARIETY.

CoSrENPTUoUsLY-ss Who was the frst-man ?
asked a schooI-teacher of a little girl. She an
swered that she did not know. The question
was put to the next, an Irish child, who an
swered loudly, Adam, sir" with apparent
satisfaction law said the first scholar, con-
temptuousIy, s. you needn't feel SO grand about
it he wasn't an Irishman ~
The INFERENCE IS PLAIN.-When little Henry
Augustus was reprimanded by his father for
throwing stones at another boy. and told that
he might be hanged some day if he was not
better boy, the lad said he didn't care if he
would be- s'for then the papers would print my
portrait, and the girls would send me MOWERS In
All. and I'D 90 to heaven, and that'd be bully.
The inference is plain that Henry Augustus
reads the daily papers
s A Virginia City (Nev) justice is very conf
dential in his courtroom. '' Most men make
FOOLS of themselves when they marry, he re-
marked one morning. " Now, call the turn
then got splieed. Do you know, boys, don't
never b9v Bit of wood hardly. The old woman
il ALWAYS nosin round and snatching board
here and there, an she's SO down on Chinamen
that she does all her own washing All women
amt like her, though. Most of 'en want to
put in ten hours day in rockIng-chalr. MY
old hen amt had new dress for three years
EyIDENTLY NOT WEsLEYAN.-A traveller IN
the Western district was struck by the absence
OF the usual tcssellated language of the bullock
driver In the case of man on the road with
small team, which he thus apostrophized: ''Come
bither, Baptist Wo-o-oi Presbyterian, etc
This mode of address seemed SO strange to the
traveller that he entered into conversation with
the man and asked him how these titles were
applicabIe to a bullock team: '' Well, Sir you
zee. | calls this the 'clesiastical team. You see
that bullock on the off side, leading L call him
Baptist Wen be crossing the creek presently,
and he'll be bound to take for water. That one
On the near side, he's 'Piscopalian, cause he
holds his head so weary high. That bullock
on the off side of the pole, the one with crumped
horn, 1 calls him Presbyterian. He is the most
ont-and out knowing bullock of the lot. The
brindle m the same yoke with him, he's Wes-
Ieyan He's always grunting and groanlng,
as if he was dragging the whole load. Bless
YOUR life, sir, he's not pulling an ounce
- What kind of house will we play ~ asked
one little girl of another. " Oh, play calling
replied the other " Mary, here, she can be
Mrs Brown, and sit on the step, and me and
Julia will call on her and ask her how she is,
and how her husband is, and if the bayb's got
over the measles, and tell her how nice she looks
In her new wrapper, and hope it won't hurt her
much when she has that tooth filled. And then
we'll say goodbye Mrs. Brown, come and see
ns some time other, and bring the children
and your sewing and you're such stranger,
We don't see half enough of you" And then
me and Julia we'll courtesy and walk off piece,
and I'll say to Julia, Did you ever see such a
horrid old fright as she looks in that wrapper ?
and then Julia she'll say, The idea of any
BODY having false teeth filled = And then I'll
cav, Yes, and what homely lot of dirty little
brats them young ones of her'n is Let's play
it; what do you say?"
Bangs sends us the following copy of letter
written by a Cambridge boy who is up in the
country: . Billy, why don't you write me a let
ter? / am havin' bully time but have tC
90 round on crotches, for hoss rake fell off {
hay NOW on to me and spraint my legs. A boy
from Charlestown named Hockey boards where
do, an me an him 90 round together and have
good time. We catch frogs down in brool
and throw EN- through the winders on to tn
table and scare the boarders when they eat
there amt no policemen here, and you bet I'll
fun to tie papers on to hog and set en- q fir
and hear EN- saueal. Mr.. Smith was awful ma
about it. I was awful sick last week, and
have wore out four pairs of pants since l hav
been here. When | left home l forgot to lie
my rabbits out, and wish you would get int
NV backward and let EN- out but guess the
are dead now and if they are you may have Ell
rabbits cant live three weeks without nothin
eat if they can they are tuff. | have got thre
turkies and q crow and lot of things l sha
bring home in nv trunk if my mother don
find it out. My mother says fret her to deati
4 and says she neyer1 let me 60 into the countr
with her again | can't write any more for m
and throw stones at calves Hockey broke on
lot of glass in schoolhouse, and his mothe
paid SO"
How TELL GENTLEMAN.-You shoul
never Judge by appearances The other day
little weaZen faced man, wearing 4 So, so sui
OF clothes, went to one of the big hotels, an
registering himself from Texas, asked for ROOF
and If breakfast the table.
The Olympian clerk gazed at him scornfull
for moment and languidly remarked
"Any baggage?''
Mo- replied the guest.
d" In that case,' said the clerk. the rules
the house compel me to insist payment
advance"
Every well, said the guest, without hesit
tion or appearing offended, 50 take two da
board out or this,'' and from a wad of gre
81 backs as big as his arm he produced $lt
81 note.
- beg your PARDON stammered the abash
81 clerk, " but we are so often taken in and yo
face not being familiar to me- -
"No offence cheerily answered the CUES
s. business is business and rules are rules.
does look little odd to be travelling without
baggage, but us cattle dealers amt much
style, and"
"That's all right, Colonel said the cler
9" Put up your money; know a gentlem
when we see him. Jim, show the gentleman
l46. Call for the best In the house General.
The old man slowed away ample breakfa
got the clerk to give him small bills for fif
and asked where Billy Coolbaugh, the bank
had his Office, inquired when they had dinn
desired the clerk to tell Mr. Farwell, if he Gale
m that he would be back at O'Clock, then We
and has not been seen since. The clerk sub
quently discovered the $50 bill to be counterft
The sad event has cast gloom over the no
n Office.