The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-10-25
PASSING SMILES.

golden harp?
EVERYWHERE make yourself useful
and you will be everywhere at home.
than you can hurt an elephant by tin
rattle.
If you pass for more than your value,
say little 1t is much easier to look
wise than to talk wise.
ONE solitary philosopher may be great :
virtuous, and happy in the midst of pow
erty, but not whole people.
A MAN who has so long to fight
against misfortune, wants strength to
meet sudden kindness.
THE hunting season is here, and the
man who can steal a dog and borrow
gun feels justified in buying box of
caps.
AN experienced boy says he regards
hunger and the schoolmaster's rattan as
about the same thing, as they both make
him holler.
GREENLAND has no cats. Imagine
cats in a country where the nights are
six months long!
EAsToN Free Press: The only busi-
ness man who can go to the watering
place all the year round is the milkman.
YoUNG man, if you would be the
toniest of the tony you must wear
sleeve buttons so large that they will
hide your dirty cuffs.
"FLoUR," says a Chicago exchange,
"has declined one dollar" 1t requires
a good deal of moral courage to decline
a dollar in these times.
A FARMING exchange informs us,
I" How to tell bad eggs. When an egg is
bad man doesn't want to tell it any
thing-he wants to get right away from
it."
A BOOK agent, the other day, talked
half an hour to induce a lady to buy
book. She handed him slip of paper
on which was written! "Ime deaf and
dunn"
1876.
Old farmer Biggs most sadly said,
As exc he scratched his snowwhite head,
"My craps is mighty slim this year
I'll starve to death fore spring, fear.
Why, wheat is worth its weight in gold,
And corn amt to be bought, Pm told
It's Just my luck when grain is high,
To harvest craps in thin supply"
1877.
elbows craps? why, blast the cussed lucki
reckon as it's nip and tuck
As how gets 'em in at all
The harvest is so big this fall
More wheat, more corn, more oats, more rice,
Nor we can sell at any price
The markets FULL know too well
I'll starve because 1 cannot sell.
st. Louis Journal.
A LADY has Just been appointed prin-
cipal of a high school in Delaware.
From which it is fair to assume that the
motto of the trustees is Principals, not
men,"
AND now, they say, sleeping exposed
to the moons rays will cause madness.
Sitting on the stoop in the same ex-
posure has been known to cause madness
too-in the old man.
Boston Trauelier: A teacher in one
of our grammar schools inquired,
"What was the cause of the Revolu-
tionary Warp The prompt reply was,
"The Yankees wanted the Fourth of
July and were bound to have it,"
AN exchange says: "Chief Joseph
captured the mail-coach and stuck post
age stamps all over himself" And now
General Howard ought to be dismissed
from office for letting him ego through
the mails" without canceling the
stamps.
"MRs. HENRY" said John, the other
evening, "why are you like the devil?'
And when she went for him with the
needle he had hardly time to save him
self by quotation about sowing tares;"
the other reasons he prudently kept to
himself.
A GENTLEMAN who could not pro-
nounce the letter " r. was asked to read
the following: "Robert gave Richard a
rap in the ribs, for roasting the rabbit
SO rare" He evaded the difficulty in .
the following ingenious manner: "Bob-
by gave Dicky thump in the side. for
cooking bunny so littlen'
BOSTON Aduertiser At one of our we'll
known auction rooms a bedstead stood
outside the door, while within a carriage
awaited a purchaser. The fact was an
nounced by placard, which, being placed
upon the bedstead, gave to many, how
ever, the wrong impression. 1t read as
| follows: Buggy, for sale"
If you could find an uninhabited
coral reef island, with plenty of cocoa
palms and bread fruit on it, and put
handsome young fellow ashore there, if
you touch there year afterwards, you
would find him walking under the palm
trees arm in arm with pretty woman!
"MUsING on the infinite, eh ?'' said
facetious chap to melancholy looking
individual, who was walking along the
sidewalk with bowed head and serious
countenance "Well, yes; same thing
thinking of my debts"
DEACON RATHFEL asked his family
physician last week: '' Doctor. you have
had such an extended experience at
death-beds. and have seen so many peo-
ple 90 hence, that l would like to ask
YOU what class are most resigned and
die the happiest." The aged man
cleared his throat, and said, "Well,
deacon, / have not seen so very many
deaths, but so far as l have been able to
learn, the people who die the happiest
are those who are hung"
HISTORY shows few instances of cour-
age. endurance and perseverance equal
to that exhibited by Henry NJ. Stanley
in his African explorations. He is a
worthy follower of Livingtone, though
opposite Livingstone conciliated, while
, Stanley is by nature fighter. Despite
desertions, treachery and disease he
fought his way through thousand miles
of African wilderness, where no white
man has ever dared to set foot. His
, contributions to geographical science
are beyond price, and as representative
of the press the fraternity are proud be
' is of their number.
Coon old Bishop Mant regarded
: afiiction as the guide to reflection, the
3 teacher of humility, the parent of re-
pentance, the nurse of faith, the strength