The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-07-23
POETRY.
lFor the Press.l
The Short Ham FelIer.

1.-THE following lines constitute poem and
this fact is stated at the outset for the same
reason that boy was advised whenever he
drew picture of horse to write under il "ThiS
Is hoss." This poem is offered as a Sigh
tribute to the Veteran Court Stenographer a
well as a salad for the bench and the bar general
ly. The writer having flushed all his briefs for
the Law Court indulgeth in rhyme but disclose tn
neither name nor lineage further than to saw by
member of the Bari
Dye see how he does it, the short ham Teller,
Who sits over there in the corner?
How he catches each word on his pot hook an caps
The story right down from those voluble chaps,
The witnesses, who. stan'in' up on their taps
Let go the whole truth, spite the devil perhaps)
Like the sage, Seth Sampson of Turner;
Dye see how he does it, takin' it down,
Kings English, an Glib Irish lingo;
Each joke an each gesture, each laugh an grmace
In the turkey track record which finds ALWAYS
place:
He'd write the whole pack sir IN the very small space
Where yeu couldn't write cen the two spot or ace
A wonderful feat, by jingol
His ears are wide open his eyes on the mark,
No matter how fast they gabble,-what's said
Goes down on the record, an he keeps ahead:
An oft when his pen at two-forty has sped,
he catches moment an scratches his head
Or kerchiefs his nose an blows it.
Is it science or art, is it knack or device,
Born in him or was it acquired2
'Tis gift which yields profit no doubt very good,
An think it is plain that it runs in the blood;
H.
To transmit vocation so well understood, r
By lawyers an judges admired.
Since mem'ry is weak an lawyers dispute,
An indulge oftentimes in dissensions;
Saying ''witness said so, as my minutes show,
AM "witness said contra I'd have ye to know"
Since judges forget they have charged so an so,
How sweet to the short-han' Reporter to go
An settle all hash..o' contentious.
An then when the Jurors get sleepy an dull
Hearin' all the whole truth till they're snory.
AM their minds wander off to affairs o. their own
An the issue drops out o. their thoughts like
stone,
How N thunder could they when SO jaded they've
grown
Tell which O. the dogs had the right to the bone,
Or remember the witnesses story?
But the short-han' Teller, he never takes maps;
He's on the qui vive when the jury
Wilt down after dinner and nod in their Seats
Like deacons at church in the dog day heats
If the lawyer fires up, or the witness repeats
No storm o. confusion his record defeats;
He writes the whole fracas like jury.
marvellous mani A great wonder you bel
You spell it an makes it good grammar,
An you gets it all in. Not cough or a sneeze
That belongs to the case but you note it with ease
Do you dot all your is, Sir, an cross all your It's
When you drive at two thirty forty, fyou please,
In the midst of hubbub an clamor?
Say. what will you take for to learn us your art,
We chaps that sit inside the bar,
An also the judges who need some relief,
The associates, indeed, as well as the chief?
Can't we have the opinions as well as each brief
Hereafter writ out in good pot-hook relief,
Perspicuous an clear as star?
Say, what would you take for to do it up brown
An elucidate all that's obscure?
COMM right to the point like fish to the hook,
Maxim argument run just as clear as a brook,
Then nailin the thing with logical look
More firm than tits nailed in the sheepskin book?
The meshes. guess, would be fewer.
We'd have the great principles settled an fixed,
Beyond peradyenture of quere;
The light of the bench an the bar should shine forth
In blaze stenographic,- an era have birth
When fees should be up to our services worth,
An the horn of our Stenos exalted on earth,-
"Monumentum perennius ere."