The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-05-31
PENCIL and SCISSORS.

LAVENDER felt the spring influence,
few days ago, but the bad weather con-
fined his muse to the following confes-
sion:
I love but one-but onel
How dear that ones to me
I'd tell no one beneath the sun,
Because that oneis me.
If you fall into misfortune, disengage
yourself as well as you can. Creep
through those bushes which have the
fewest briers.
NEW YORK Mail: Whatever else may
be said against the Chinese, no one can
truthfully say that he ever saw one who
parted his hair in the middle.
TAILoRs say that there are ten
thousand stitches in dress coat, which
is pleasant thing for them to remember
when they fail to collect their bill.
A GEORGIA man walked forty-four
miles to see his brother hung, and when
the criminal turned out to be another
man the Georgian was disappointed.
SUFFER not your spirit to be subdued
by misfortunes; but, on the contrary,
steer right onward, with courage
greater than your fate seems to allow.
The Illinois Legislature has passeda
bill appropriating $50, 900 to complete
the monument to Stephen A. Douglas,
and the Governor has signed the bill.
SINCE the war the expectation of
cheese has increased. So of beans, which
have recently advanced 100 to $50 per
cent. In nine months our exports have
exceeded our imports $155, 100000.
EUROPEAN NOTES.
Gaily the troubadour twanged his guitar,
As he was yowling loud, touching the war,
Marching from Kischene # toward Siobodzie,
Roared he of Isaktschi, nigh 10 the sea.
Husch, to the west, was still Belgrad was bare
Kustendji swore at him, Kiia did glare;
Turtokai raised herself clear from the map;
Jatputsch, Rent and Pruth purled at his tap.
Loud twansed the troubadour his old guitar;
Bender saluted him, thought him the Gar;
Lalarasch, Tokschani, Ghengap and Rir-
Hail to geography lent him their ear.
-LouisuiHe COurier-JorvnaL
IT is about time for the regular annual
scientific paper on the presence of deadly
poisons in allthe prevailing colors of wall
paper-followed, as usual, by the an
nouncement of new shade of wall paper
in the market.
NEW YORK Herald: A Chicago girl is
80 modest that she refuses to let the
clothes remain on the line during the
day. In our neighborhood the tramps re-
fuse to let the clothes remain on the line
during the night.
The name of many mercantile house
is never seen by the majority OF the
people of the city in which it does busi-
ness, until the bankruptcy announce
ment appears. That is an advertisement
which cannot be lodged.
WEEKS WAR NEWS.
On Monday morn the news arrived,
There had been bloody work,
But no one knew which lied the most,
The Christian or the Turk.
On Tuesday morning Russis claimed
A victory for her side;
On Wednesday, from Turkish source,
The victory was denied.
On Thursday each side swore it had
The other put to rout,
And Fridays news the fight confrme
Without single doubt.
On Saturday twas whispered round
The whole affair small,
And Sundays cable news declared
Thered been no fight at all.
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin: When the
foreman of the composing-room knocks
a form into "pi" now he doesn't have
it reset as of yore. He simply slaps it
into the press as it is, and the newspaper
is run off with war map up to the
average.
THINK the treatment of little child
rem is oftentimes the best treatment for
the larger ones. think used to get as
much good when Charles was whipped as
when was whipped myself, and, on the
whole, think L preferred it.-Hemy
Ward Beecher.
SOMETIMES, when a man is to be hung
for outrage and murder, churchly women
send him beautiful bouquets, while the
grave of the poor child and the home of
the heart-broken parents are left un-
adorned. What numbugs We humans
sometimes are
Utilizing the There's.