The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-03-17
How to Catch a Cat.

How to Catch Cat.
There is proper way to do everything,
if we only know about it. But no living
man can 90 to work and lay down set
of rules for any other living man to go
by, because we all glory in having our
way about what we do, and we always
think oar way the best way in the world.
If you tell most people of a new method
of doing something they will listen to you
in smiling unbelief, and before you are
half through with your explanation they
will exclaim:
Well of all the ways l ever heard!
Why, my way is thousand times easier"
And then you will be condemned to
listen to an expounding of their way.
"Offered service" the proverb tells us,
sis never accepted" and offered advice
goes begging in much the same way; so
if we undertake to tell you how to catch
cat, you will probably reject our sug-
gestion, and try to catch her your own
way.
When you go to visit your friend just
after his marriage, and find him settled
at housekeeping, you will also find that
he has cat. This will be before the
babies begin to reign; after their ad-
vent the cat will either be given away,
or go into bag to expiate the sin of ex-
istence at the bottom of the river.
This cat will be a wonder in its way.
1t will be celebrated for its intelligence
and sagacity and general propriety of
behavior.
Naturally you will feel called upon to
make its acquaintance; you will put out
your hand invitingly, and call it in your
most dulcet and winning voices " Pussy,
pussy, and you will smile your sweetest
and most insinuating smile, and fancy
yourself on the eve of success, when
pussy" utterly ignoring your exist
ence, will tuck her totally indifferent tail
around her Indifferent legs and gaze
straight out of the window, with her
yellow, unblinking eyes, at nothing at
all, as if her life depended on it.
And you find yourself as completely
dried up and useless as a last years po-
tato gone to seed in the cellar.
After moments discontinue you
rouse yourself and try again. This time
you are sure you can catch her, and you
rise slowly and cautiously and creep to-
Wdlu uCl Ou IlpbOC, Joul UlClOht
with your hand extended before you, and
morally sure that she does not see you
or mistrust your proximity; and when you
get the right position you bounce upon
her, and away she goes, with wicked
CLEAN of triumph in her eye, to whet up
her nails in the carpet under the lounge.
And your friend laughs and tells you
that Minnie is shy of strangers.
Now, in order to catch a cat you must
appear supremacy indifferent. You must
never let that cunning animal know that
you care a dime about laying hands on
her You must not begin to talk " Pus-
: sy, pussy" to her, if you expect to enjoy
the privilege of having her rub her hair
off her back on your broadcloth.
Give her to understand that, upon
, the whole, you would rather she kept her
, distance, and ten to one she will be in
l your lap before the day is over, and that
she will stay there until she is put down.
, And now, young ladies, in this method
' of catching cat there is contained d
, hint for you to act upon. Do you want
a husband? and who among you does
not? go to work on the cat-catching prin-
} ciple.
All young men who are worth having
, would rather seek then be sought. They
want the privilege of doing the counting
: themselves. After you are married you
= will probably do the counting, if there is
b any done; but before that, let the gentle
e men enjoy their prerogative.
t Never seem anxious to attract. Do
f not put yourself out of the way to get
notice from Mr.. A. or Mr.. B.
: Manageable men always fight shy,
i and you must meet them with their own
/. weapons Give them to understand that
n you are quite Indifferent to their atten-
tons or their neglect, and do not lean
!. on their arms with both hands fifteen
!, minutes after an introduction, and for
u bear your "killing" glances at the close
, of waltz, and do not give hints to be
% taken to operas and concerts.
e The girls who allow young men the
, least familiarity with them are always
; the girls of whom these same young mer
speak with respect, and whom they seei
/ for wives when they really mean bust
ness.
And good husbands, like nice cats, arr
p not caught by too much solicitation
IL | IT,, yl5ox, Y IIooLJ,J