Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-03-07
WIT AND HUMOR,

WIT AND HUMoR.
| A LAZY man writes fortunately"
42n8ly.
"THAT point is not we'll TAKEN" as
the country schOolmaster observed
when he sat down on pin.
A New YORK policeman shot at a
mad dog and hit man in the neck.
| Then the man was mad.
AN exchange says that condensed
milk is "pure milk with the water
pressed out" Is there no single cell in
all thy poets heart for chalk?
A WOMAN is very much like a kettle
if you come to think of it. She sings
away so pleasantly-then she stops
and, when you least expect it, she boils
over.
EVERY man is, in a sense, three d if
ferent men. In the first place he is
the man he thinks himself to be; in
the second place, he is the man other
persons think him to be; and, finally,
| he is the man that he really is.
PUNCH has worked up at length "the
teatraylology" Of "Jakderjiankillern,"
an "art-poem ibretto, with a Good
Deal of Cupan Sorcery in it, Accom-
panied by Some Indication of the Clio
rious Unconversational Music of the
Future"
| CHINESE Free Masonry: A China
man thus explained to a reporter the
object of the Celestial order of Free
Masonry: "One Chinyman-he bad
| steal-he belong-put him out. S'pose
good-work, no steal-he sick-we
pay; he die, we catchee box and put
him IMP
OIL Cry (Pa.) Derrick: When q man
without cash or credit attempts to
leave hotel, and lowers his valise out
of 8 back window by means of q rope,
it makes charity seem cold to hear the
voice of the landlord below yelling up:
Gall right. I've got the valise; let 60
the rope.''
MRS. GRUNDY, hearing of the curative
properties of "blue glass" cracked up
some Rhine wine glasses and put the
pieces to soak in hot water, which she
subsequently gave to her daughter, who
had headache, but thus far no beneh-
/! cial effects Of the dose are reported.
If you want to stun1 grl full OF
vanity as billy goat is of devilraent,
put her inside Of red pettieoat, plant
a big hustle upon the small of her
back, and turn her loose on Fourth
street when the monkeys" are thick
on the street corners.-Noarsstovn Her.
aid. m
A PERSON leaving & crowded stage on
Madison avenue, New York, steadied
himself by resting his hands on the
knees OF the passengers. "What a
savage!" exclaimed one lady. eyes,"
replied her'companion. "He's Paw
nee!"
A YOUNG Utica lover who feared he
would be dismissed by his sweeheart's
parents because he has lost one eye,
has been received with open arms by
the whole family since he obtained q
blue glass pepper. The father thinks it
will improve his daughters health.
AN old maid was heard to exclaim,
while sitting at her toilet, the other
day: can bear adversely, can en-
counter hardships, and withstand the
changes of tickle fortune; but, oh! to
| live and droop and die like single
| pink can't endure it; and, what's
more, Iwont!"
Patience figured as sitting on .
monument, benefciently smiling at
some kind of grief; but nothing in this
world of shadows and politics can ex-
coed the grim, despairing grin of the
man who stands in his stocking-feet On
the cold mating while his wife tries to
button new collar on the back button
of new neck-band.
A FEMALE from the country called for
WEIGH rarebit at Washington avenue
restaurant, ard denounced the waiter
because there was no part of rabbit in
the dish served. "And no later than
yesterday" said the wearied waiter,
there was man In here who growled
because there was hair in the butter,
can't please 'em all, any way"
They tell Of prominent Methodist
brother in the West who took his little
son to church with him one Sunday
evening, and sat in the "amen cor
ner." When the enthusiasm was at
It's height, and the responses coming
often and heartily from the stentorian
lungs of the father, the boy, who had
also got thoroughly aroused, kept
ing: "Holler louder, father; boiler
amen louder"
SOMETIMES when you attend the the
atre you observe in the gorgeous drop
curtain small slit at one end, where
active shadows pass to and fro. Sud-
denly dark, round object appears at
the slit. That is the eye of the star,
who is looking to see what kind of q
house ne has got, and who in another
moment will bound upon the stage with
the exclamation, Her blood be on his
head."-N. Y. Herald.
A MATRIMONIAL SCENE" Can you
let me have some money this evening
to purchase new bonnet, my dear?"
" By and by, my love-" "That's what
you always say, my love; but how can
I buy and buy without money!" And
that brought the money, just as one
good term deserves another. Her wit
was SC successful that she tried it again
the next week. 81 want money, my