The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-11-10
VARIETY.

TELEGRAPHED HoNE.-A young man from
Auburn. New York, who went to Texas this
Spring, has telegraphed home to his father fat-
ted calf for one."
The Danbury News says: s' Put peck of
.Jersey mosquitoes under blue glass, and in two
iays YOU will have spring chickens large enough
fnr the New York boarding houses.
She raised aloit the deadly broom,
Her husband knelt upon the hoor,
Resignedly to meet his doom
Address him son the other shore"
spider's web with fly in it is the latest
device for wedding rings. This is only appro-
rriate where the gentleman was disposed to hy
to her side the FIRST time he spider
SEyE,; SIsrERs-A young man who married a
s-omau with seven sisters, and went to live In
the family, came out the other day and sadly
asked q neighbor whether it was better to cut
YOUR strawberry beds bias, with inside piait-
ings, or pOmpadour, with nothing Out piain
Insertion.
advertising is good thing, but when pro
,,snent grocer carried to funeral an umbrella
a., which was painted conspicuouely the business
If his house, and held it over the preacher g
head while he read his prayers, the bystanders
thought he was running the thing IN the ground.
..Don't put too much confidence in a lover's
vows and sighs,'' said Mrs. Partington to her
neice; let him tell you that you have lips ike
fra "
ard ewes like an asterisk; but such things
oftaner come from tender head than tender
heart"
Txor.RnEp.-A Western editor, in an un-
~,orded moment, recently wrote " The good
husband keeps his wife in wholesome ignorance
nf ali unnecessary secrets" The next day his
fs-iCe laid the rolling-pin down the table under
his nose three four times. and IN ltallciseo syi
lables inquired what he had been up to noW
II has been made against the law for post
master to give mans letter to his vile. But
the thing mustn't stop here; now we want
1netbod to prevent her from sorting over the
contents of his inside pocket, and persuslng
his various correspondence while Morpheus is
holding him in his arms.
A Chicago man had listened all the evening
10 his wife 3 selections from Wagner, and he
slept very soundly. Toward midnight cats as
sembled in the back yard and yowled frightfully
The sleeper did not get up and throw bootjacks
at them but turned on one elbow and whispered
In his dreams, " Sing it once more. Elvira sing
Il once more"
e CHEAP TEETH.-A Connecticut dentist has got
hold of composition whereby he can make
teeth at cost of less than fifty cents SET This
will enable the female wearer OF false teeth to
have set to match every suit she owns, both
teeth with striped goods, striped teeth, and
so on. The man who discovered Connecticut
was no slOuch.
Young Parisienne lately lost her husband
after he had lain helpless paralytic for long
while Immediately after she announced at the
marie her intention of marrying her cousin.
IS beg YOUR pardon, madame" says the clerk
p but the law is peremptory in torbidding
widow to remarry till ten months alter her hus-
hands DEATH ss But those eight months O
paralysis-don't you take them into consider
ation ?''
Scene at the seaside Youth with sad, love
atruck-air-'s o, wilt thou be mine-my OWL
dear bride ? love you deeply, fOndly, passio
Gately, wildly / cannot live without you Say
.oh say thou wilt be mine ~ Maiden, witt
downcast eyes Adolphus, is there anythin
khe matter with my dress? saw the Smit
girls Just now look at me curiously. Does m
lair set all right?' Adolphus discontnues h
loEe-making-
When YOU see Young fellow standing on
corner with far away look in his eyes and a
of warn on each of the last two fingers OF b
I hand, YOU may be tolerably sure that ne h
lust begun keeping house, and that he is mute
ling to himself, IS Chopping bowl, eggs, cloth
8Iine-that's the thumb and first two finger
Now. what did she want on the other two h
gers?"
A bad, bad boy out in Cincinnati was pickt
up by his ma, the other night, for some misdet
and tanned with her slipper until he thong
ne was standing rlgut IN tue way Oh sHO
makers shop caught in cyclone. When
not away at last, he told to sit down al
earn verse in the Bible before he could ha
a bite of supper, and when he was called up
"a recite he said as The wicked's tanned
slippery places"
The latest thing out in mOthers-in-law:
had succeeded in marrying her son, and natural
undertook the management of his ho1sehol
Presently the son died, but she continued
advise, direct and worry generally her daughtt
in-Iaw Then the daughter-in-law married agai
but still the old lady insisted on bossing thing
A friend essayed to convince her that she cou
have no possible right to interfere-that the nj
husband was nothing to her. s' Nothing?' 8
cried '' he nothing to me? Why, am l u
his stepmother-in-law on his wifes side p
ONE MORE ABOUT JIM NVE.-It is related th
be was trying case in the Southern tier,
presiding Judge being peeEish and irritable,
well as rather dull. Gen. Nye had not on
eFoss-examined witness at great length,
had frequently put the same questions. whi
she Judge had frequently ruled against as il
proper. At last the patience of the Judge "
Exhausted, and he rebuked Gen. Nye, and pei
santly asked him. " Gen. Nye. what do y
think am sitting here for ?' Nye looked
Vat the Bench, and, with a grave countenan
but twinkle in his eye, answered coolly a
scomposedly, '' You have got me this time, yc
Honor -