Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-12-10

nat Is IDe DeaTeSC Jnln8 10 cat
looking out of window? The window.
1t is not the ability to be idle. but
the ability to work, that constitutes hap
piness.
The woman who thrilled an audience
with bright and electric smile has been
engaged to light the auditorium of a
theater.
The man who said he had just got out
of tight place had been seen few
minutes before wiping his mouth in a
drinking saloon.
When an old man marries a young
wife. says a quaint writer, the love in
the transaction is always on the one side
but the folly is equally divided.
There is nothing that will knock the
ground pinning from under mans the
illogical training quicker than to walk
against the edge of door in the dark.
The principal point of difference be-
tween the Endorsement on a note and
the dome on the Capitol at Washington
is that one is under wrote and the 9TH
er is rotunda.
The difference between the preacher.
the builder, and the architect of the
church is simply this One is the rec
tor, the other the erector, and the third
the director.
Distance has only a relative value.
When man sits down on carpet-tack
only quarter of an inch long, it is hard
for him to realize that the point don't
come out at the back of his neck.
Some men can never take a joke.
There was an old doctor, who. when ask
ed what was good for mosquitoes, replied.
"How do you suppose | can tell, unless
know what ails the mosquito.
"The funeral was all that could be
expected" !" says an aged lady, who looks
upon these events with an artistic cye
The display of flowers was grand. and
the widow wept like born angel"
1t was Boston man who went home
early in the morning, and, meeting the
sad. reproachful eyes of his wife, apollo
gized, MY darling, think you'll be
shorty for thish when you git shober."
During a lull in the conversation the
traveller remarked to an old man. sitting
near by, 81 suppose everybody thinks
the fire was the work of an incendiary 2"
"Wall." said the old man, '.some do
think so, but think it was sot.
A man out on West Hill kissed his
wife by mistake, the other day, and for
a time the sad affair threatened a rup.
ture of domestic amity. But that was
because, in his apology, he explained
that he thought it was the hired girl.
A Portland Chinaman became the ia
ther of an American born son. and as he
danced around, swinging his pig tail and
knocking over the opium jars, he ex-
claimed ME Mellican man. all samee
Me heap Washington Me sewing ma
chine agent Go way Whoopel l'
"Tbe baby has got new tooth, but
the old lady is laid up with a cold in
the head" said one man to a defeated
candidate. what do l care 2" was the
reply. WELL" said the man, "before
the election you used to take me aside
and ask me how my family was coming
on, and I've been hunting you all over
town to tell you, and that's the way you
talk to me. But it don't make any diff.
ference. | voted for the other candidate. y
A light hearted, impulsive young
lady, writing to friend over the arrival
of her eighteenth birthday. tells it ir
this joyous style: Darling j.
must write to you to-day to tell that al
last l am splendid eighteen. Think o.
it-splendid eighteen-not timid fifteen
winning sixteen. blushing seventeen Of
even bold nineteen, but-spiendid eigh
teen! | shall commence to live from thi
day forth. shall love everybody anC
everybody will love me"
A colOred man who was lately resus
citated from what seemed death, bu
was only catalepsy, was entertainin,
his friends with the sights he had seel
in the other world. "Plenty of colore,
bredren in heaven l spec, Tom ?" "Ol
yes !" said Tom. "And how about hel
any down there?" asked another in
terlocuter. "Oh, yes, massa. plenty o
dem der too" "Any white folks, Tom {?
"Lord save us. der amt no end on 'em
but, by gosh, massa, ebery white ma
done got niger holdin' between hir
and de fire p
A stanza with moral:
If you gently touch the nettle.
1t will sting you for your pains
Grasp it like man of mettle,
Soft as silk it then remains.
The sky is drinking cup
That was overturned Of old,
And it pOurs in the eyes of men
Its wine of airy gold.
We drink that wine all day
Till the last drop is drained up,
And are lighted off to bed
By the jewels in the cup.
This mundane sphere is a mighty ur
certain sort of place. The bitter an
the sweet 60 hand in hand. and you a
ways strike an up grade when you're
the biggest hurry. Wealth and happ
ness seldom work together in doubl
harness. A contented mind is bette
than money in savings bank. The r;
can do carpenter work in the place of
king. and the jaws of the virago ma
vibrate in castles of granite. A couc
Of the lightest down may support
heart heavy as homemade bread
young DOrfenbcrger thought the 9th,
!. day when he read the marriage notice
the girl be had intended to propose
this winter.