The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-11-03
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

10 rent them, are utilized as bagi.;OS.
Tweed is entitled to credit for one good deed.
He killed off the republican Senator Woodin,
who rctires rather than face the people at the
polls.
Sue II. Hogg edits the Shawneetown Da"y
Visitor with her little hog pen.-Hdtoon |"a'7'0f'
BE quiet, or she'll take you in.
At the sample rooms" they put an extra
quart of water into each gallon of ''old BOURBON
now that petroleum has advanced.
"White lies" saws the New York Herald, 'roll
themselves up into cocoons, and next year they
come out handsome, iull-1edged, wingy old
whoppers.'
One of our exchanges contains the marriage
announcement of Chas. r. Tooker to Miss Susan
Woarz. OF course he Tookcr for better or
WOarZ.
The Sunday School class had got to that pas
sage where Peter leaps from the ship and swims
ashore, when the teacher asked, What did ST.
mon say|' "Simon says thumbs up" promptly
answed little girl
Autumn houghts--Autumn man yet drunk?
Autumn mule kick? Autumn maiden kiss? Au-
tumn musician muziah? Ought 'cm?-Puok
The way Moody is resting from his work at
Worthwhile is shown by the way he spent last Sun
day, sample of all the rest He preached three
times and conducted the Bible class at noon.
"What principally afics his holiness" said
an ardent friend Of the pope, sis that lii limbs
are utterly paralyzed" "Ah--he won't be able
10 leave a good leg I-sce," was the reply
: IL hot M hears II
remark: "Wcll, winter isn't so bad, after all. In
fact, I like winter" Nothing like crow when
quail isn't to be had.
Clara Louise Kellogg says it takes her fully a
wear to learn opera, but then she gives herself
dead away by saying she knows and can sing
lorty operas h"'~dtphia Batlet'n.
'Im in favor Of political economy" said the
defeated candidate as he skipped town without
paying the printer for his election tickets.
Let grown person cry with half the strength,
volume, and frequency Of Il babe, and he will
Kill himself in twcnty-four hOurs.-Rocltestr
Uemocyut.
Ben. Butler was asked how he liked being in
congress this session. and he answered. at feels
very comfortable to sit in the House without
any responsibility and have your hat full Of
brickbats"
IN Aurora boy who went to Sabbath school
and heard the story Of Jesus walking on the wa
ter, went home and asked his mother if Mr. Jes-
u, had cork lcgs-Nors.
"Bin Day in Congress- is flaring head line Of
the Times congressional dispatches. Yet we fail
20 find the name Of the Honorable William Day
in the list of members and in fact the dispatches
LAY nothing about him. Some mistake
a st. Louis paper complains that there are no
docks in st. Louis. 4 place with no Docs"
must be very hcathy.-Diron Sun.
Tom Mast has had sore heel for months past,
and that's the reason he ceased drawing cartoons.
\ New Jersey sore heel is equal to being run over
by locomotive in Ohlo.-F'ec Pres.
4 man who has been an inycteratc smoker for
twenty years has suddenly and permanently Civ
en- up the practice He knocked the ashes Of his
pipe into a keg Of blasting powder.
contemporary asks who got Thackcrays
Money! We can't answer for Morton OF Phila.
delphia, and Gilman of New York, but We can as
sure our cotcmporary that We never got cent of
H.
The Ha,rlsy. relates one of the meanest swim
dies on record. The other day mean man out
IN western Iowa went Off into quiet country
place and died SO quick that his wife got his in
.urance money before the company had time to
fail Thcprcsidcnt says he never felt so swim.
died and cut up since he has been in the bust.
ness.
4 nervous, timid, delicate bride OF forty sum
Incrs, in Pcndeton county, Ky, within an hour
after her marriage expressed regrets for the step
she had taken, and refused TO go home with her
husband. He gave notice that he would not be
responsible for her debts ana that SO braccd up
her nerves that she came over and now all is
lovely.
Appearances are often dcccitiul. At a camp
meeting man suddenly showed such intense
emotion that everybody supposed he had been
converted and was shouting glory, when the
ruth was he had just set down on tack.
King Kalakaua practices on musical instru.
ments and is free thinker Ii must bc great
comfort 20 an amateur musician To be able 10
dsbelieyc in The existence OF he'll. -U0r,Sier
Press.
PjHPKIN PIES.
Yc gods! Imagine my surprise
To find, on coming home last eve,
The nCatcst thing in pumpkin pies
A gift from charming Gcncvievc,
The crust was short and white as snow:
ne pumpkin Hltdlltu like HOlucn SINUS
The whole presented such show,
II seemed the work Of fairy hands.
And when the prize came 20 eat,
A. the bee some new-found honey sips,
fanccd nothing else so sweet
Save the nectar Of the gvcrs lip,!
4 man shot at q cat and brought down his
wife the first time. The most singular part H.
tie wounded woman actually believed that he
aimed al the cat One of the most beautiful
characteristics Of a wife Is the answering conf
a.ncc she places ia the word of her husband.
Sulciman Pa,ha was formerly a soap fat man
'u Baxter street. in this city aud dincd al the
free soup houses. He went Ia Turkey and regis.
-ercd an awful oath that he would win fame and
cold The attention uf tramp- should be urgent
iy invited Ia tL-. Turkey j. the place To grow
up with the country. Won ldrk G,aph'c
Win Hawkins, oi tn Aurora NccS, has been
oil on a visit. aud come, home sick. In Elgin,
When people overload their siomachs, dyspepsia
IS the difficulty; in aurora, Threatened by ~