The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-12-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

MEN who have made their mark
Those who can't write.
A MAN with false set O. teeth does
not necessarily have falsetto voice.
TIE Philstines are not the only peo-
pie on record who were iawed TO death.
Woe to the inexperienced little fish
who goes out to enjoy himself on his own
hook.
+ aWEEH is bald~headed man apt to be
reminded of his youthful days? When
he thinks Of his top.
Ono, MIAMI" said a grocer to an ap-
plicant for credit, CT wouldn't even
trust my own feelings" ...
Two OYSTERS in a gallon of lukewarm
fluid at a church fair are no longer
called stews, but aquariums.
IT is no particular credit for a man to
die game. Wolves and buzzards do that
very thing. Indeed they can't help it.
"FIBsT in wore, first in piece" as the
man said when the patch in the bay
window of his trousers wore through.
LAsryear England imported over $1O,-
600, 900 worth of eggs. No wonder the
Radicals want to throw off such a heavy
yolk.
THERE isn't much difference between
q grasshopper and grass widow, after
all. Either will Jump at the first
chance
A BOY at husking- bee tried to kiss a
pretty girl without the proper creden-
tials, but he got red ear after he got
the kiss.
WHEN 4-per-cent. holder cuts off a
coupon he is under bonds to keep the
piece until he can consult with the re-
deemer.
BROWN says he has been SO often de-
celved III the chicken he gets at his
boarding house that he now calls It the
mocking bird.
A THIN person may succeed as q lee
turer, but when a fat man gets through
speaking and sits down, he always leaves
deeper impression.
A WOMAN suggests that when a man
breaks his heart it is the same as when
a lobster breaks one Of his claws; an
other grows Immediately.
PROBABLY one of the most trying times
in mans life is when he introduces his
second wife, II years old, to his eldest
daughter, who is paste
PROFESSOR In one evening [ count
ed twenty-seven meteors sitting en- my
piazza" Glass expresses great aston
ishment at the sociable character Of the
heavenly bodies.
GA MAN who'll maliciously set fire to
shed, said Mr.. Slow, "and burn up
twenty COWS, ought to be kicked to death
by donkey, and I'd like to do it my
self" Slow is very severe sometimes.
WHAT will the Indians do with their
money when they get home?" inquiries
the Graphic. They won't get home
with it, stupid. Do you suppose the
noble white man is entirely dead? p
Rochester Democrat.
He wouldn't swear to it.-A witness,
on entering the box had Testament
presented to him, but he declined to be
sworn. Being asked his reasons for re-
fusing, he naiVely replied: '19l tell a
lie WI ony mon i England, but I'll not
swear to it,
Now come the days when the sturdy
farmer dumps load of dirt into some
mud-hole in the highway, yells, "Haw,
Buck !" this off OK, pricks the nigh one
with a bradawl; and goes home under
the impression that he has worked out
his road tax in full.-PWck.
A YOUNG man hired as O. clerk was
told by his employer that all the clerks
slept at the house, and that it was
closed punetually at 10 every night
go, don't apologize!" said the youth.
I" I don't care what time it's closed, If
it's only opened early enough in the
morning"
A sH1PwRECKED Irish sailor was mar
rating how he and his companions had
foated about at sea for twenty days in.
an open boat. "And what did you do
for food, Pat, when the provisions gave
out?" asked bystander. "Shure, and
we dined on one Of our officers Twas
the first mate we'd had in a fortnight"
was the reply.
THEY were sitting together like two
crows on the same limb, and he was soft
ly whispering of bright eyes, and souls
that had but one thought, and mutual
affinity of hearts, ETC., when she, lifting
her blue eyes to him, and allowing her
lips, on which carnnine wasn't well
spread, to fall slightly asunder, re-
marked: "What dye so-y?"
THERE was little gathering the other
evening, and a lady, with desire to
chasten the conversation, asked a young
man if he had ever felt deep and subtle
thrill, a fullness of feeling, SO to speak,
that reminded him of another life. He
said he had. It was when he was in the
country, and the doctor called it chol-
era morbus and charged him four dollars
q visit.
DIR. RAVEN, of Broadstairs, England.
reports that he furnished little girl
with about seven inches square of new
shin 1171on q SnOt which had hann