The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1877-10-03
A LOST LIFE.
Memoir Of n NInn Who Died Mt Seventy-One,
Yet Mover Lived Mt All.


A few weeks ago there was found
dead in his house at Dion, France, Paul
Legrand, o man of seventy-one, and a
well-known character of the city. Evi-
dences of suicide, in the presence of n
half-emptied laudanum bottle, and O
tumbler with the dregs of dose of
poison in the bottom, were at hand, and
on the table beside them was the follow
ing most curious memoir-a llemoir
which will take it's place in the collection
of literary curiosities of the century, and
by which the author seems to have
proved, very conclusively for himself, at
least, that, dying at the age of seventy
one, he had not really lived at all:
Call suffering, pain, ennui, despair,
sorrow, desire and regret should be
taken from our lives" he writes, and
then proceeds to deduct those expert
ences from his own score of years, and
to foot up the loss.
The whole memoir may perhaps be
explained by one of the opening clauses:
"At the age of three years I was
weaned, it says. "At six I spoke, but
badly; at seven years cracked my
skull, and at nine was cured. I there
fore deduct these nine years from my
existence for it cannot be called life to
drink the sour milk of the nurse, to
speak incoherently, to crack ones skuh'
cat nine years began my studies
but having o hard head, in consequence
of my cracked skull, I was slow Of in
struction. At the end of two years I
knew my alphabet, but at what cost !
The letter q alone cost me I, 400 blows
with ruler, and the twenty-three others
martyred me. At twelve years I could
read, it was true, but my body was
wealed with those alphabetical scars.
"They now endeavored to teach me
Latin, and I forgot my French. At ff-
teen years I knew absolutely nothing at
all, and in consequence of bread-and-
water diet was mere skeleton. I there
fore deduct, for my school days, six
years more from my miserable life.
cat fifteen my father apprenticed me
as clerk to a notary. Now commenced
new species of martyrdom. I rose at
six, swept the Office, built the fire, and
was kicked by the head clerks, while my
father, in consequence of the complaints
made against me, deprived me of my
dinner. The five years spent this way
I deduct off what is left of my life.
cat twenty years my father, Disguised
with me, shipped me on vessel at
Cherbourg. I washed the forecastle,
coiled the cables, climbed the masts,
reefed the sails, and received at least
th rty blows on the back with marlin
spike each day. This lasted for four
years, and at the end I had no back left
at all.
cat twenty-four years my father made
me a mercer, and married me to the
daughter of turner. On the night of
the wedding I discovered that my wife
had wooden leg, manufactured by her
father. The poor woman made me
thousand excuses, and I pardoned her
in consideration of her dowry, of 30, 600
francs, invested in a mortgage on a
Gaudaloupe sugar plantation. But soon
the negroes of Guadaloupe revolted and
burned my dowry. Nothing was left me
but the wooden leg.
AT thirty years 1 Iost my Wl1e OF
tumor on her goodleg. hadpassed thesix
years of my married life repeating every
minute What fool I was to take that
wooden leg!' I therefore deduct these
six years from life.
"Having, like all the world, spent
third of my life in sleep, I deduct twen-
ty-four years more, which is less than o
just estimate, as I am great sleeper.
Zone year more I lost, minute for
minute, in hunting for the key of my
secretary, which I always mislaid. Three
years vanished by my making such re.
marks as What time is it?' 1T is bad
weather to-day I'm tired, ''Mon Deau!
Mon Diea" etc. Six months spent in
blacking my boots, and six in brushing
my hat. One year lost in the between
acts at the theater. Another in listening
to new plays. One year again in com
planning Of soups with too much salt in
them, of overdone outlets, indigestions,
and hard eggs. Total, then, seventy
one years. ...,-- $685.
"T think, then, that in rendering up
nv life to God, I am not making Him a
present of anything of much account"