River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-05-31
Spring House-Cleaning--Wadso's Elk.
Perience.

upset. and the prospect of quiet evening
as badly shattered as a looking glass
which cannon ball has passed through.
Instead of waiting wife and dinner, a
carpetless floor, soft-soap puddles, and the
furniture stacked in pyramids, greeted
him.
+" Has there been a firel@ he meekly in
quired of the servant, as he deposited his
parcels in the coal-scuttle, which had been
converted into a corner ornament for the
mantlepiece.
No, sir,r replied the usually neat girl,
who appeared to be in an awful state G
rags and soap-suds.
"Visited by an earthquake9" he calmly
asked, lifting bar. of soap, a loaf of bread
best silk hat, and smoothing it on his
coat -sleeve.
"Sure, the missus is housekeeping,
sur" observed the help, waving a drip
ping scrubbing- brush madly to and fro on
the door.
The wife of his bosom entered at that
moment disguised with patch of stove
black on her fair cheek, her nose fiery
red from the cold, pillow-case worn as
a turban, badly-torn dress festooned
about her, and her feet encased in pair
of Wadso's Arctic over-shoes.
"Good graciousl Maria, what's the
matterln he exclaimed, glancing from his
badly damaged hat to his disreputable-
looking matrimonial partner.
why, I'm spring house-cleaning, and
have got all the carpets up and out in the
backyard for you to beat this evening""
she replied in an exultant voice, and I'm
so glad you're back to help Annie and me
move the stove"
Don't you think love, " he said, gloom
ily, " it would be better TO hire man to
come in the morning and beat them.
i"
Nonsense, won't have a strange man
here You can just as well shake them as
not" she interrupted, briskly brushing
his eighteen-dollar seal-skin gloves off the
top of the sewing-machine into a soft-soap
puddle.
"When will dinner be ready?7 he asked,
despondently, as he rescued his gauntlets
and wiped them dry with his pocket
handkerchief.
"Oh, had to let the fire out to black
the range If you're hungry, I'll get you
something to eat" she replied, leading the
way into the kitchen, where, having
fished up an ironing blanket, the family
cat, sun-bonnet, and some clothes-pins
out of the wash boiler, week-old NUT
ton bone and some cold buckwheat cakes
were discovered, the table spread on the
corner of the mantel-piece, and dinner an
nOunced as ready.
Wadso groaned in the spirit at the
L. e. L.
petite vanished like boys kite when the
string breaks.
Now, if you're through, lets move
the stove" said Mrs. W., after allowing
him seventeen seconds TO worry the NUT
ton-bonc in.
Wadso rolled up his sleeves, mounted
the Kitchen table, gave wrench at the
pipe head enough to haul an anchor out
of the mud. The next moment the table
had turned a back somersault, he had
peeled the skin off his shins and knuckles
by falling over the stove, and his wife
was stamping around with tears in her
eyes, and about peck ofsoot poured over
her face,
"There | knew you'd do t." screamed
Mrs. W., looking as if she was BACKED
for a negro minstrel performance.
Wadso made no reply. his attention be-
ing divided just then between his LAGER
ated shins and broken window, through
which he had driven the end of that in
fernal stove-pipe.
You did 1t on purpose, believe,
sobbed his sooty wife, wiping her face
with her petticoat.
Wadso said nothing, but tugged away
at the pipe, and, after knocking down
bird cage, upsetting glass lamp, running
his clothes, and nearly jamming the eye
out of Annie, who was passing, succeeded
in getting into his garden. He did not
return just then, but spent the next two
hours thrashing dirty carpets with broom
handle, choking and binding himself
with, dust raising blisters on his hands,
bumps on his head, and such quantity
of profanity sins on his conscience, that
bottles of Iiniment and weeks of piety will
scarcely effect a cure. When he did 60
in. it was with the face of a chimney
sweep, muscles aching, hands smarting,
shins paining, eyes watering and temper
soured to such an extent that even the Sc
ductiye charms of the cold mutton bone
dished up again for his supper, failed en-
Mrs. W retired early, worn out with
added up his grocer's and butchers books,
washed himself at the kitchen sink with
yellow soap, locked up the house, extin-
guished the gas, and went sadly, sorely
and hungrily to bed.
"Curse itl' he exclaimed, as he fell
over the rockIng-chair on entering the
pitch dark room and was kicked in the ear
with the rocker.
ssOh, heavensl what noise you're
makingr' screamed his wife from the
bed.
why in thunder didn't you leave
things where they belongl" he yelled, as
he tried to get out of the clutches of the
kicking, foundering chair.
ats your own stupid awkwardness,1
she answered.
I" It's your confounded upsettingF re-
orted Wadso, getting up on his feet and
sitting down in the place where the bed
used to stand.
..Mercy on mel what the dickens IS
this9" he yelled, upon finding the bed
gone, and he wildly clutched alta table to
save himself from falling, dragging a
globe of gold fish down upon his head
with crash.
you'll break everything in the housed"
cried his wife, Jumping out of the bed
in the opposite corner and lighting the
gas.
blouse be ha-hanged, wo-wo-man! /
I'm drownedn' gasped Wadso, wiring
ing the water out of his hair, eyes, and
shirt.
at serves you right! Look at the
mess you've made.r snapped Mrs. w,
as she Topped around in her night-clothes
to pick up the Topping fish and put them
in basin.
Wadso, having got on his feet again,
was about to reply, when he beheld the
partner of his JOYS and SORROWS suddenly
drop the basin, kick out like mule, and