Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-05-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

THOSE glorious summer nights are
coming when lover whispers impassion-
eel words in the dreamy ear of favored
maiden, and feels his undershirt sticking
to him closed than brother.
WHEN a man reaches the ton of a
stair and attempts to make one more
step higher, the sensation is as perplex-
ing as if he had attempted to kick a dog
that wasn't there.-OH City Call.
Boy" said an ill-tempered old fellow
to a noisy lad, "what are you hollerin'
for when [ am going by" "Humphp
returned the boy, "what are you goin' by
for when [ am hollerin'?
In some parts of the world the days
are four months long, and when a lively
boy OF twelve years accompanies his
parents to church for the first time, he
thinks he has struck one of those days,
sure.-Norristoavn Heruld
WHEN you hear mother calling to
her son to Come and shut the shut
tiers" and near him respond, " It is shut,
mother, and [ can't shut it any shutter"
do you ever pause to analyze the delicate
beauties of our language?
AMID the clash of arms and roaring
OF cannon on the Danube it is, indeed,
refreshing to hear the good old period
lcal announcement that "Nicsic has
been revictualled for six weeks to come"
Nlcsic is death on victuals.
A MAN may be brave enough in day
light for major general, but let the
dlsh-pan fall down the cellar stairs, and
he will set up in bed holding his breath,
with his eyes sticking out like pot-feet,
wondering which way the ghost is COM
ing.-East0n Press
JEAN PAUL said Rachel was the only
woman he ever met who had any humor
He would never have said it if he could
have seen Jersey woman put scuttle
full of coal in The middle stair and sit up
till her husband came home from the
| lodge.
STICK ginger snap on the end Of
knitting needle and you have the latest
style of parasol. "-Herozd p. l. "And
wrap sheet Of foolscap around the neck
Of mineral water bottle and you have
the latest style of gents collar.-Noyris-
torn Herald.
A YOUNG lady on Embargo street re-
Gently received the following note, and is
heart-broken: "You needn't 'spect me
to yewr hous no more sunda mites a girl
wat leaves gum sticken on the parlor
chares for Teller to sit on amt the girl
for me. JIM."-Rome Sentinel.
WERE you a member Of the army?"
asked the traveller of the wooden-legged
man from West Hill. ayes sir" was
the reply; Il was membered by re-
cruiting officer, dismembered by rebel
artlllerlst, and remembered by peg-leg
neutrality-suspicious. Hoa0keye.
they have kissing fairs out west
forty cents kiss-Eachanye. We knew
there was something we were suffering
for. Bring us along a couple of fairs
the fairer the better-and we'll invest,
if we have to do without straw hat all
summer.-Easton Free Press.
The wheat has been beaten down by
rain, the peaches have been nipped in
the bud, Colorado beetles are after the
potatoes, grasshoppers are consuming the
hay crop, and altogether if the war con-
tinues, poor people will be compelled to
live on pie and ice cream.
THE oldest mason in the United States"
is making arrangements for a reunion,
with a view to effecting a permanent
organization Of himself. The reunion
will be large, and indeed, if all the oldest
masons get there, will be the largest
gathering Of the kind ever held in this
country.-Havkeye
COOP John Wilkins, Of Stafford, used
to say of billiards: at seemeth to me
if name have no better use for hys
time than to sprawl upon a table with
one of his legges indecently in the air,
striving to make one bale upon green
cloth to strike another, it were better
that he practyse standing On hys head,
the which not on y needeth the greater
skill, but Withal doth make the breaking
of worthless back more likely"
WHEN man is laid up with a broken
leg, (remarks the Norwich Bulletin, and
there is no flour in the,house, nothing
pleases him SO much as to have the mem
bers Of the society to which he belongs
present him with series of resolutions
expressing their high appreciation of
his fine moral character.
The man on West Hill got up the
other night to see a dose of ambitious
pills. By some mistake he got into his
boys box of marbles and swallowed half
a dozen of blood allies and commies, and
now as he walks about the streets he
rattles like pasteboard dice-box.-
Hawkeye.
THE Brooklyn Ferry Company is an-
noyed by mobs Of urchins, who buy their
tickets by the package, and then peddle
them out to passengers on the streets
leading to the ferry, thereby robbing the
company of many a full rate transient
fare. TIE juvenile spectators make a
profit of % per cent, which, as business
goes, is quite princely, and the smartest
of the often make from 81 to 81 a day.
IT is marvellous the vitality there is to
Cuba. Here it has kept up a war for
years with q powerful nation, and at the
same time kept up the manufacture of
it's staple article, Havana cigars, sup
plying nearly all America and good
part of Europe. If one-half of the
cigar makers should lay off their aprons
and take up arms, the Spaniards would
be swept from the face of the EARTH and
their things sold by auction in less than
sixty -Danbuay Neacs.