The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-06-07

Ladies' Maid-enumeratng her qualifications
for the place ~ may likewise hadd mem,
that L Railways manages to marry my young
ladies' very satisfactory
ltis perhaps needless to say to tramps that
hearty victuals are not healthy this time of the
year. A cup OF water and stalk of pie plant
are enough for tramp weighing 200 pounds.
Emerson says, "An eye can threaten like
loaded and leveled gum He means when
cooked, of course. This has no reference, we
trust, to the strabismal defect in the orb of
famous lawyer-general.
The fly that curiosity has led to explore the
inside of the chimney of a lighted lamp, acts
when it gets down to the burner very much
like young woman trying to sell young man
ticket to church festival.
There was only cigar left in box, and there
were two young hopefuls struggling for it.
The first little boy clutched it, but he said con-
solingly to his brother. "Never mind, Dick,
I'll smoke on it till L get sick, and then you
can finish it." And the heart of the other lit
tie boy was comforted.
Florence: shave news for you dear; Harry
Burton has got the command of the Spitfre."
Estella: "And who on earth is Harry Burton?"
Florence: "Who? Why, you were dying for
him when he sailed two years ago." Estella:
Two years! My dear girl, one dies a great
many times in two years."
Messenger-"Sire, six thousand of thy brave
men have been slain in the last assaultp' Gar
-"Ho, then! Telegraph to all the foreign pa
pers at once that another Turkish monitor has
been sunk by our torpedoes, and that not man
escapedP' Aside: ~ flatter myself know
how to run this war"
when you see man who has been owing
you 80 OF borrowed money for a year past skip
ping home with brand new shiny plug hat on,
and big basket of early strawberries daintily
carried in his right hand, it does indeed make
you feel that there are cases which the law
doesn't reach, or where man is fully justified
in being his own avenger.
Briton 1-"OO's this Hamerican as the lord
mayor o Lunnon is a dining?'' Briton 2
Hi ear 'is name is Grant, hand that 'es in the
harmy. but Hi cawn't say" Brton 1-"Well,
Iii never thought Hi should see the day wen a
mere Hamerican would be an hattraction in
Hold Hengland. Wot if the Hempress was to
ear Of it2'
We learn that "a life-sze statue of Esculap.
ius' with both arms gone and broken nose, has
just been unearthed at Athens From this we
only can infer that Esculapius made some un-
accountable blunder in putin up prescrip-
tion for use in the family of Hercules or some
other old Hellenic hoodlum, and that the ag-
grieved individual regarded the existing
statutes as insufficient to cover the case
The season has arrived when the private ora
tions at the "iunior exhibition" at our colleges
is announced, something after this fashion:
"Ihe Destruction of Jerusalem the Direct Re.
suit OF the Dorr War;" Henry McFrelinghuy-
sen Smith. "The Effects of Organic Protoplasm
on the Eolic Digamma.," Thaddeus Warsaw
Stubbs. Samson as Courthouse Architect"
William Epaminondas Pipps
A Mr.. Pott boiled over in Peoria, last week,
and called at the Office of the National Demo.
crat to thrash the editor on account of an arti-
Gle that appeared in the paper The pot valiant
ipvdual successfully lodged the Office inkstand
but when the editor started to pot him with
revolver, Pott simmered down, and thought he
would change his spot to one outside Pottery
is at discount, now in Peoria.
who's that man?' asked the Gar of his
aid the other day, pointing to a chap with
chunk of bareback in one hand and note
book in the other, who was hanging around
headquarters cycling him rather closely.
THAT" said the aid "Thats an American
newspaper correspondent from Chicago"
"Shoot him at sunset" replied his Imperial
Majesty, retiring within his tent.
Boston Transcript: The other day there was
dog up town whose master had neglected to
buy muzzle for him, and the dog was afraid
he would be killed in consequence He was
knowing but not oyer-scrupulous dog; he had
heard somewhere that "self-preservation is the
first law Of nature" and he must have mus
zle anyway. So one morning he went round
among the doorsteps and stole newspapers;
then he stood at a corner and sold them to pass
ers by. Every nickel he got he buried in q
hole, and when he had captured enough he dug
them up and went to the store and bought him
a muzzle. P. S.-This is as true as many other
dog stories that are now being printed