Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1877-05-16
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A TIE VoTE.-When both parties
vote yes, and the preacher ties the
knot.
Extract from a letter in recent
breach ofpromise case; "My ownest
own"
"Decollette," if we may believe the
Buffalo Express, means "necks to moth
ing"
The tombstone of q coroner who
hanged himself, has this inscription
upon it: Gle lived and died by sn~
icide."
The bashful man who asked his girl
if her favorite beverage wasn't "pop,"
was referred to her popper.-Noracich
Bulletin.
The woman with her arms filled
with flower-pots is now making the
lives of the Chicago horse-car con-
ductors miserable.
Two San Francisco doctors disa-
greed in consultation, and caned each
other. The patient laughed, pers-
piration was induced, and h" recov-
cred.
In the Orient they won't let fol-
low see his girl until the Clergyman
has tied the knot, and in that way n
poor mother has chance to work off
her cross-cyed daughters.
A minister who had twice married
the same couplc--a divorce ensuing
between the two 1narriages--remark-
that he didn't wish TO add a repairing
department to his business.
Mary Clemmer writes that cvery
Congressman who leaves his wife at
home is twice as reckless as the
widowers and bachelors, and nearly
all of them claim to be single men.
When fond mother can go in to a
school-room and whale a six-foot
teacher for whipping her boy, it is
not wise to say that if she were in
politics she could not run primary
meeting.-Nep York Herald.
A Kansas City woman pretended
to faint away in a crowd in order to
hear the comments of the men. One
of them yelled out: ooh! what an
enormous FOOT" and the lady came
to and tried to kick him.-Detyoi,
Free Press.
The Nation Journal editor, hav.
ing read that the Hayes family walk
to church in Washington, breaks
forth into ccstatic pocsy as follows
The rich they ridein chaises,
While the poor they walk with the Hayses
The Brooklyn argus suggests that
hereafter the elegant hotel clerk, in
assigning rooms above the dining
room floor, will say to the traveller
"Your room is 9G9, and here is your
rope ladder" Probably the expert.
enced traveller will answer back "No
matter about it !; l never travel with.
out one"
The indianapolis Journal gets
down into philosophy this far:
When man leaves our side and
goes to the other side, he is traitor
and we always felt that there was q
subtle something wrong about him.
But when man leaves the other side
and comes over to us, then he is a
man of great moral courage. and we
always felt that he had sterling stuff
in him.
eff you would be immortal, turn
tramp" said he, with lecr in his eye
and piece of pie in his mouth. "Bu
how would that help me to be i'm
mortal?" inquired his generous en-
tertainer. "My friend" replied tn,
ragged but philosophical visitor
"can't you see. that tramp is the onl,
man who lives all qcays?" And slip
ping biscuit into his coat-tail poke
he started anew OH his endless course
Considerable excitement was occa
stoned on Monday in Marshalltown
| by the announcement of the suddel
death, on Sunday night, of Miss Anne
liza Beecher, ayoung lady of that city
Many ugly rumors were anoat as t,
the cause, and although her attendin,
physician, DR.. II. Sears, claimed tina
she died from natural causes, the feel
ing was so strong in the matter that
coroner's inquest was held but foun'
no cause for arrests.
The Church Union: 1.-TWO steam
boats are to be fastened together,ster
to s.AHnr in San francisco Bay. for
trial of power. We have never see
the thing tried with steamboats,, bu
we have seen it tried with churche
many time. They take two church
es Of different denominations an,
place them stern to stern in Western
village. Then they whip up. Eacl
pulls with forty-yoke power. The,
fill the whole region with their din
and the end of neither goes forward
peg. They just neutralize each othe
that's all.
AN lRIaH ARGUMENT.--As a farme
stood at his gate, an Irish lad cam
to him and asked for work. sc
away" said the farmer. "I'lI neye
employ one of your countrymc
again, for the last one employs
died on my hands, and ! was force
to bury him at my own expense.
"Ah yer honor" said the lad "yo
need not fear that of me for I ca
get q certificate that never died i
the employment of any master ! eve
served p The lad got employmer
and without the certificate.
Who RULES THIS LAND, ANYWAY
l-"Who is the greatest man in tn
United States ?" asked the student G
the philosopher.
brigham Young" was the solem
reply.
brigham Young ?" echoed the stu
dent, she greater than the Presider
and all our Senators and Congress
men 2"
"Yes, my lad" affirmed the philos
opher, grimly, 'our President an
Congressman have failed to rul
Utah alone. while Brigham Youn
both rules Utah, and overrule
the whole United States"
| Startling truth, ell ?-Chciago Jou,
nal.