davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
MEEKINS'S TwISSES.
BY DIR. GEORGE w. BAGBY.
(MoZIs ADpUMs.)
koFrRreHr skEwERrD By MEATAx Nv KOSeR

Babis in ginrul is bald-heded, bo legged
disturbers NV the peece. They Gums
into this worP frewnin horrid, fists
dubbed up, red as pepper, hot as jinjer and
hOngry as hogs. Yot got to ten to UNI
got to drap all biznis and ten to um then
and thar, or elts you'll heer from um erly
and ofting. The nuss lanches um into
life with dram NV some kind, and then
wunders they Iuvs whisky when they has
growed up.
But twinses is misteyus vizitatins NV
Providers; a urthquake in 2 colyums,
the rite and lef wings Nv hurrykane
that thar amt no accountin fur. They
Gums like claps NV live thunder out'n a
clere sky in the midul NV the day or mite
(they aint keerin which, and konstirnates
the naberhood. Nobody amt never pre-
pared for um, and thar is a rushin and
fro NV doctors, muses. and wimmin that
shakes the chimblys and jars the whole
visinity. A feerful item!
They fetches no bagige, not rag, not
blame thing, not even swaller-tale-
kote and standin collier, but they Gums
to stay. Thar is much borryin NV
klothes-it takes nuf dry goods to set up
firm Nv twinses as to stok good size
BrOd St. stD--and you've got to opin a
milk depo and free bodin house on the
spot, loekin' fur yo' pay in a nuther and
better worP. Becoz twinses has but
vague idees NV settlin bills.
Meny wimmin arrives at yo' manshun,
and thar is much miratin. The po' men
fur sevrul bloks aroun gethers on the
coruders Nv the streets and wunders to
eche other if twinses is ketchin like mezils
and chicken pok. Thar minds is onesy.
They goes to pothekerries to git sum
intmint agin the things.
But taint no use, no manner Nv use.
Kwinine nor birthstone nor kerosiv sub
limit, nor nothin knowd to man can't
keep um off Twinses is misteyus things,
and thar is no akountin fur um one way
nor the uther. Hew Blar, the drugger,
can't put up nuthin to fend um off, nor
Tom Doswil, with all his expeyunse,
can't insure um. If they ar a cumin,
and if they aint a cumin all creashun
can't hurry um up. Twinses is the most
obStinit and OpinYunated kattil l know.
Thar is a nuther mistevus thing bout
twinses. Them that wants .um can't
have um-thar is men in this vale Nv
and limited sponduliz that
never duz ketch up with what they is a
arter, no matter what they do
and them that don't want um, and kin
hardly turn thout treddin on children
has um shure. Here they cum hOopin
and holrin Now me and Tom Cuck-
potrik is the very pattun NV men for
twinses, was cut and bride you may say
to be the father of two twinses, but nary
a twin hav cum these thirty yeer, tho
we have been dyin fur um. On the
uther hand, look at Meekins; Nv all and
Nv all humins! Meekins-but mo- anon.
No; twinses is misteyos. To the rich
man childun cum one at a time, like
0alls down the trolt NV ten-pin alley, |
put to the po man they Gums
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
Secret Of the Growth Of the MOrmOns.

Do you believe that the creed of the
Mormons is based upon what appears to
them to be true religious principles ?"
Perhaps i have said too much al
ready. l should dislike very much to
get into a controversy with them, but 1
will say that it is my private opinion
that the majority of men who go into
Mormonism do it for the purpose of
gratifying their passions"
Among the gentiles even one wife is
often regarded as an expensive luxury.
How is it that among the MormOns r
poor man is able to support several
wives?"
ooh, that is easy to explain. A man
who joins the Mormons generally makes
money by it. Let us suppose caie.
Say European peasant comes over here
with his wife, having been induced TO
Join the MOrmons in Utah. He inn
mediately takes possession of one hun
dred and sixty acres Of good land under
the law of congress. Now, this is great
thing for a man who has probably never
owned a foot of ground before. The
land out there, you must remember, is
very good. The soil is rich and deep,
and the rainfall has increased, ] suppose,
about one hundred per cent. in the last
fifteen years. Still the land has to be
irrigated to some extent. Well, the
man goes to work and puts up a little
hut made of slabs or logs, raises crops,
and pulls through the first year. He
may have brought over a peasant girl TO
work for him at, say 81, on SO a week.
He sees that he can just as we'll marry
the girl and save the wages he would
otherwise have to pay. He gets a baby
as soon as he can, and the next year he
puts this new wife of his, with her baby,
upon another one hundred and sixty
acres of land. Perhaps he has been
smart enough to build his hut just on
the boundary of the farms, so that by
putting up an extension the new family
can live in the same house and yet on
another farm. Then, as he extends his
dominion, he will marry more wives, and
with each of his additional children he
nuts up another one hundred and sixty
acres. Now, YOU know, after the settler
has occupied farm for five or six years,
built upon and worked it, he gets a full
title to the property from the federal
government. Each OF his wives, alter
he has lived on another one hundred and
sixty acres for the same time, can swear
out a clear title rs head of a family
This has always been done, and is done
still. And thus the head of the concern,
who came into the country poor peas
ant, often becomes a regular patron, Nv
ing in ease in the center of his dominion,
while his wives and their children go ON
increasing their numbers and his wealth.
Now you know just bow it is done.-N.
Y. World.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
TRAINS GOING NORTH.


TRAIN No. 2 connects at Nashville with
N. c. & st. Louis R'y West for Memphis; at
Lebanon juno. with Knoxville and Rich
mond Branches at Cincinnati juno. with l..
c. & L. r. r. for the North and East; at
Louisville with U. s. Mail Boats for Cincin-
natl and with o. & NJ. R'y and J. NJ. & /. r.
R. for the North, East and West.
TRAIN No. 4 connects at Glasgow juno.
to and from Glasgow; at Cave City to and
from Mammoth Cave; at Cincinnati june
with L. c. & L. r. r for the North and East
at Louisville with o. q NJ. and J. NJ. & l. r.
r. for the North, East and West, and with
q. S. Mail Line steamers for Cincinnati.
TRAIN No. 6 connects at Glasgow juno.
to and from Glasgow; at Cave City to and
from Mammoth Cave; at Cincinnati juno.
with L., c. L.. r. r. for the North and East;
at Louisville with q. e. NJ. and J. NJ. & /. r.
r. for the North, East and West, and with
U. S. Mail Line steamers for Cincinnati.
Tourists will find this route offers great in
ducements to those going to the Centennial
Exposition. Direct connections are made in
Louisville with through cars, running direct
to the Centennial grounds.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
IMPORTANT CAUTION.

None are genuine unless the signature of
J. HAYDoCK, as sgent for the United States,
surrounds each box of Pills, and Ointment.
A handsome reward will be given to any one
rendering such information as may lead to
the detection of any party or parties coun-
terfeting the medicines or vending the same,
*s@Sold at the manufactory of Professor
HOLLOWAY & Co, New York, and by all
respectable druggists and dealers in medi
cines throughout the civilized world, in boxe
at 25 cents, 81 cents and 81 each.
@-There is considerable saving by ia kin
the largest sizes.
n. B.-DiTections for the guidance of pa
tients in every disorder are affixed to each
box.
Onire. II9 Liberty street. New York.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
Mark These Facts.
The TetimOny Of the Whole World.


HOLLOWAY'S PILLS
81 had no appetite; Holloway's Pills give
me hearty one"
"YOur Pills are marvellous"
"l send for another box, and keep them in
the house."
"Dr. Holloway has cured my headache that
was chronic"
81 gave one of your Pills to my babe for
cholera morbus. The dear little thing is now
cured"
"My nausea of morning is now cured"
"YOur box of Holloway's Ointment cured
me of noises in the head. rubbed some of
your Ointment behind the ears, and the
noise has left"
"Send ME two boxes; 1 want one fora poor
family"
al enclose dollar; your price is 25 cents,
but the medicine to me is worth dollar"
"Send me five boxes of your pills"
"Let nae have three boxes of Pills by re-
turn mail, for Chills and Fever"
have over 200 such testimonials as these,
but want of space compels me to conclude.
For Cutaneous Disorders.
And all eruptions of the skin, this Ointment
is most invaluable. 1t does not heal exter-
nally alone, but penetrates with the most
searching effects to the very root of the
evil.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
Aliens Liver Pills.

Perfectly tasieless, elegantly coated. For the
ure OF all disorders OF the Stomach. Liver Bowels,
Kidneys, Bladder, Nervous Diseases Headache,
Constipation. Costveness, indigestion. Dyspepsia,
and ali Bilious Diseases, such Constipation, In
ward Piles, Full of Blood to the Head, cidity
of the Stomach, Nausea, Heart burn. Dis gust for
Fool. Fullness or Weight in the Stomach, Sour
Eructaiions Sinking FlutteTing the Pit OF the
Stomach, Swimming of the Head Hurried and DIFF
fcult Breathing, Fluttering at the Heart. Choking
Suffocating Sensa ions when in lying posture,
Dimne of Vision, Dots or Webs before the Sight,
Fever dull pain the Head, Difficulty of Per-
spir9tjon, Yelovness of the Skin and Eyes, Pain in
the Side, Chest, Limbs and Sudden klushes Of
Heat Burning of the Flesh, etc.
Aliens Lice3 Pills may always he relied
on as a safe and ehectual remedy, and may be taken
by both sexes at ali times with beneficial results
Bv their use the weak are made strong Distress
after eating, Inward Weakness, LaDguor, Want of
Appetite, are at once removed by a dose two of
these Pills. Thousands of persons who have used
these Pills We have to hear the irst com plaint
from one who has tried them. They always give
relief
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13

THIS is the way a member of the Ne
vada legislature talks about the hotels
of Carson: They just made careful
inventory of a mans salary and gaugtd
their bills accordingly. Whenever a
cocktail was sent up to room they
charged the whole floor with gallon OF
whisky to each man. Why, they had
one lady, who wss strict Temperance
woman. charged with twelve gallons OF
old bourbon. Every time looked alta
nlate of cold-slaw they charged me with
barrel of sauerkraut."
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
TRAINS GOING SOUTH.

TRAIN No. connects at Decatur with
Memphis & Charleston r. R.; at Calera with
s., r. d ID. r. R., at Guthrie with st. Louis
& Southeastern R'y; at Mckenzie with
Nashville & Northwestern R'y; at Montgom
cry with Mobile Montgomery r. R. for
Pensacola, Mobile and New Orleans.
TRAIN No connects at Decatur east and
west with Memphis & Charleston Railroad !;
at Birmingham with Alabama & Chattanooga
Railroad: at Calera with Selma, Rome &
Dalton Railroad at Montgomery with West
ern Railroad (of Alabama) Montgomery &
Eufaula and Mobile and Montgomery Rail-
road.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
For Stomaohs Ont of Order,

No medicines will so effectually improve
the tones of the stomach as these Pills; they
remove all acidity occasioned either by in
temperance or improper diet. They reach
the liver and reduce it to a healthy action;
they are wonderfully etficacious in cases OF
all disorders of the Liver and stomach.
.HOLLOWAY'S PILLS are the best known
in the world for the following diseases {:
Ague, Asthma, Bilious Complaints, Blotches
on the Skin, Consumption of the
Bowels, Consumption, Debility, Drop
sy, Dysentery, E-ysipelas, Female lr-
regularities, Fevers of all kinds, Fits, Gout,
Headache, Indigestion, Inflammation, Jaun-
dice, Liver Complaints, Lumbago, Piles,
Rheumatism, Retention of urine, Scrofula or
Kings Evil, Sore Throats, Stone and Gravel,
Tie-Doulourex, Tumors, Ulcers, Worms of
all kinds NVeakneSs frnm anv canse etc
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13

AFTER a christening at church, while
the minister was making out certiii-
cate, he happened TO say. '.Let me see,
this is the Both" "Thirtieth !" ex-
claimed the indignant mother; indeed.
it is only the eleventh !" The minister
was alluding to the day Of the month
the lady to the family statistics.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
ALIENS LIVER PILLS

Regulate the organs Of the system, restoring func-
tionsl harmony ant securing the secretion OF the
proper constituents of each gan. BY Their action
the liver secrete its allotted proportion of bile
lungs carbon, the skin sweat, the kidneys urine
etc, and are always reliable puTgative.
The aged, and persons subjected TO Constipation,
Paralysis, and Weakne of the Bowels, Kidneys
and Bladder ETC. that have TO resort TO Injections
nv taking two three of Allen't Liver Pills will
enjoy natural discharges and BY the occasional use
of them have regular operations In tire cases
their strsngi hening and nutritious principles are
exhibited everv dose will add ev strength TO the
Bowels, Liver. Kidneys, etc, that may be worn or
depleted by are
In these Pills. q want that science has ever failed
to supply Is secured and this is thorough purga-
i've that be given in safety in Of ernptive
fevers, Smallpox. Erysipelas, Yellow Fever,
-carlet and Typhoid Feveis. When the Mucous
Membrane becomes liberated, these Pills act thor
ou2hly, yet heal liberated and excoriated parts.
They made from ext acts-from new ingredients
entirely vegetable superior in every respect the
oIdiLary powders and substances of the common
advertised Pills, and have u safe, certain and uni
form action.
Price 25 cents box, six boxes for 81 IS If
your druggist or store-keePer does not have them,
We will forward half dog N boxes TO any address
on receipt of the price. Prepared only by
AMERICAN MEDICINE co.
ST. JOSEPH, Mo.
For Sale by all BT ugeists
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
H OIL Low A Y'S PILLS.
Invariably cnre the following diseases
Disorder of the Kidneys.

In all diseases affecting these organs,
whether they secret too much or too little
water; or whether they be afflicted with
stone OF gravel, or with aches and pains set
tied in the loins or over the regions of the
kindnevs, these Pills should be taken accord
ing to the printed directions, and the Oint-
ment should be we'll rubbed into the small
of the back at bed time. This treatment
will give almost immediate relief when all
other means have failed.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
ALIENS PILE OINTMENT,
PREPARATTON.

The reputation Of this Medicine is now so well es-
tablished that Liberal minded men in the medical
profession throughout the Union recommend it 10
their patients the very best of all remedies for
Piles. Hundreds of the mo painful cases of Piles
have been cured by its use in a very short time.
No medicine has ever obtained higher more
deserving reputation than Aliens Pile Ointment
Aliens Pile Ointment is a remedy of universal
usefulness whenever an oil cerate salve ointment or
embrocatiOn is required, in of Burns, Scalds
Bsters, Sprains, Bruises, AbrasiOns. Cuts, Ulcers
Salt Rheum, Jetter, kcZenla, Ring Worm, Barber's
Itch Frosted Limbs, Chiblains, Chappcd Skin
Fever Blisters, Bed So es, Sore Feet, Bunions
Vegetable Poisoning Bites OF Insects, etc.
There is no known remedy that gives such lasting
relief Aliens Pile Ointment. 1t is a new, de-
ightful and wonderful remedy, designed and war
Tanted TO supersede all other Ointments yet dis
Aliens Pile Ointment is entirely different from
covere
any other Ointment in the whole world perfectly
harmless for the infant aged T; il is cooling and
grateful TO the burning brow, thTobbing temples and
fever-parched system it ill Danish pain and allay
Inflammation more rapidly than any curative COM
pound in this or in any other country.
your.dEuggist store keeper dOe' not have it, we
wihfOH~ard half a dozen to any address on receipt
of price,
Prepared only by
AMERICAN MEDICINE CO.,
ST.. JOSEPH, Mo.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13

THE genius of liberty and poetry
brougnt { into action the brightest pOy;
ers of the human mind.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
1877.
THE QUARTERLY REVIEWS
BT,ACKWOOD,S MAGAZTNE.

BLAOh WUUD'S MAGAZlNE,
The Leonard Scott Publishing Compeny, Il Bar
clay street, New YORK, continue their authorized
reprints Of the toul leading Quarterly Reviews.
EDINBURGH REVIEW (WhiR).
WESTMINSTER REVIEW CLiberaii
BRITISH QUARTERLY REVIEW (Evangel
...... AND ...... ical)
BIackWood' Edinburgh Magazine
The British QuaTteriIes give TO the reader we'll
digestei Information upon the great in con.
tempora history. and contain mastery criti-
as we'll as summary of the trIumphs Of science and
art. The likely ts oonvulse all Enrope will
ics for discussion. that will be treated with
thorough and abi ity nowhere else TO be found.
Backwood's Magazine is famous for ories, ESSAYS
aud sketches Of The highest literary merit.
Terms IScludtnE POstSRe) pay able stTi &
ly in advance For any one Review, four dollars
per annum; for any two Reviews, seven dollars for
twelve dollars; for BIaokwocds Magazine, -four
dollars; for blnckwood ard one Review, seven dol
lars for BlsckwoOd and two heTtews, ten dofinrs
for hlaokwoOd and three Reviews. thirteen dollars
for BlackwOod and the four Reviews hfteen d,l
CLUBs,-A disc>unt of twenty per cent. III be
allowed to clubs Of four more pei sons. Thus :;
four copies Of BlackwoOd OF one Review will be
seat TO one address for twelve dollars aud eighty
cents, four copies of the tDur Reviews and Block =
wood for torty-fatght dollars. and 50
PREHIUAs.-New Subscribers (appIyinR early1 for
the year ISL may have. without Charge the numtsi
for the last quarter Of 1916 of such periodicals. they
may subscribe foE.
Neither premiums to Subscribers nor discount Il
direct to the publishers. No premiums given
CIRCULARS with further particulars may be had ON
application.
The Leonard Scott Publishing Co..
~ Barclay Street, NesC York.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13

SYMPTOMS OF WORMS.
THE Ecountenanceis paleand lcaden-
L 1colored, with occasional f1ushcs, or
a circumscribed spot on one or both
cheeks the eyes become dull (; thepu
pills dilate an azure semicircle runs
along the lower eyelid ; the nose is ir-
ritated, swells, and sometimes bleeds;
swelling of the upper lip occasional
headache, with humming or throb-
bing of the ears an unusual secretion
of saliva; Shiny or furred tongue;
breath very foul, particularly in the
morning; appetite variable, some
times voracious, with gnawing SEN
sation ofthe stomach, at others, entire
Iygone ;fleeting pains in the stomach
occasional nausea and vomiting vio-
lent pains throughout the abdomen;
bowels irregular, at times costivc;
stools Shiny not unfrequently tinged'
with blood; belly swollen and hard;
urine turbid respiration occasionally
difficult, and accompanied by hic-
cough cough sometimes dry and con-
vulsive uneasy and disturbed sleep,
with grinding of the teeth; temper
variable, but generally irritable, &c.
Whenever the above symptoms
are found to exist,
DIR. c. .MCLANE'S VERMIFUGE
will certainly effect cure.
1T DOES NOT CONTAIN MERCURY
IN any form tits an innocentprepara-
ton, not capable Of doing the slight
est injmrytO the most tender infant.
The genuine DIR. McLANE's YER
MIFUGE bears the signatures of G.
McLANE and FLEMING Bros. on the
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
Tumors, Ulcers, or Old Sores

Tumors, Ulcers, or Old Sores
the blood thoroughly with AEEPIs'S Strength
eIsiIlg Cordial and the complaints will disap-
pear.
Aliens Strengthening Cordial cures
Constipation, Dyspepsia, Faintness of stomach. 1t
is not stimulating bitters which creates fictitious
appetite but gentle Tonic, which assists nature to
restore the stomach to a healthy action No person
suffering with Sour stomach, Headache, Costiveaess,
PalpitatIon of the Heart, Indigestion, Low Spirits
etc., can take three doses without relief.
Aliens Strength eninO Cordial cures
GALE weakness it acts directly upon the causes OF
these complaints, inyigorates and strengthens the
whole system, acts upon the secre i've organs and
allays Inflammation.
AHeN's strengthening Cordial has
never failed to cure mercurial diseases, pain in The
bones, it removes from the system the producing
cause. Salt Rheum and Scald Head readily yield to
the great Alternative effects of this medicine.
Aliens Strengthening Cordial has
never been known to Iail in giving immediate relief
This medicine challenges the most profound atten-
tion of the medical faculty, many OF whom pre-
scribing it to their patients.
ALIeH's Strengthening Cordial acts
delightfully."- the tender bahe the most deicate
la y, aud infrm old age, on the snong man i'm
parting health and vigOr to the nerves and brain,
blOoi-vessels, heart and liver. When taken you
can feel its me-giving power course through every
artery destroying all diseases in the blood and Civ
ing health, elasticity and strength the whole
ganization.
Aliens iSfI'engthcningC Cordial is ac-
knOwledged by all tlasses of people to be the hest
and most reliable blood purifier in the world. 1t is
a never failing remedy and can be relied upon How
many thou ands upon thousands have been snatched
rs 1t were from the brink of the grave by its miTacu
Ous power Who will suffer from Liver Complaints,
Dyspepsia, Disease OF The stomach, Kidneys Bowels
1r Bladder hen such great remedy is within reach
Volumes might be filled with proof from all par
1f the civilized world TO prsve that remedy has
ever been discovered in the whO'e history of mPdi-
,ine hat acts promptly. Even in the worst
Of Scrofula good appetite, complete digestion |
frength and disposition for exercise, are sure to
ollow it's II the bowels COstive, head |
che accompanies the disease, the use of Aliens |
Liver Pills will remove it. Over eight years expert
nee and the increasing popularity Of Aliens medi
ines conclusive proof.
Price 81 90 per BOTTLE six bottles for SIS 90. il
'ou- druggist store keeper does not have it, we
will forward half q dozen to any address on receipt
f the price.
PIeDlred ONLY by
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13
Aliens Strengthening Cordial

Is the great blood purifier, Syphilis, and
moves Pimples and Humors on the face
Reason should teach us that blotchy, rough or
pimpled skin depends entirely upon internal
cause, and no outward application ever cure the
defect.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13

In Germany the bagpipe is called
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS"
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13

WHY is the sea like pOorhouse Be
cause it is the home OF the porpoise.
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13

I've reecht good old age, have tray
lied fur and wide, hav eat heep, bin to
Moth KIliny, iivd in Amherst, ST en- much
and dun meny things, but Meekins havin
twinses lays over enything that ever
hapined in my time. Its the went of
the age Nv all and NV all. Meekinsl !
Twinsesl / don't bleev it. 'Tain'C so.
/ kinnot onderstan it. My bride litenin
bugs throws no lite on the subject. rs
dark misteryus mistery.
MozIs ADDUMs.
Konfexnery & Fede Sto.
Rockitts, d C. q, 1876.
WHY is the sea like pOorhouse Be
I. =. -. L "A IL
The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-04-13

It will eradicate from the system every taint OF
Scrofula and ScrsfuOus HumOr. 1t has permanently
cured thousands of helpless cases where all other
known remedies failed.