The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-09-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

The most important thing to woman
in this hfe-To WOO man.
THERE is a young lady in Omaha
named Hittie Maginn. THAT'S striking
name, certainly.
BRIGHAM is the only man who knew
just how to take a mother-in-law. He
took some fifty of them.
A cooKNEY, speaking of the demise of
an octogenarian, remarked that he was
born at Hayti and died at heighty-two.
In Bath Abbey is to be seen the fol-
lowing epitaph: "Here lies Ann Mann;
she lived an old maid and died an old
Mann"
THEY went fishing She looked Ian
guidly at him, and said: 81 wish the fish
would bite at your hook. If I was fish
would.
"THE best way to cure crying child"
says an advertisement, sis to buy it
baby carriage" That's right; keep the
bawl rolling.
con, she was jewel of wife" said
Pat, mourning over the loss of his better
half "she always struck me with the
soft end of the mop"
IT is pleasant to shake hands with a
girl whose fingers are covered with dia-
monds, for you feel that you have a
fortune within your very grasp.
LITTLE lady Of 7 to young gentleman
of 10" You're not yet man. No, in
deed |" "What notion! Come near
and see how I smell of tobacco"
A LITTLE. girl, the other day, while
watching the rain, turned to her mother
and said "Ma, I guess the weather's
so warm it's melting the clouds.
MOTHER Mrs. Jones comes,
Jenny, say I'm not at home" Jenny
"Oh, [ dare say! And then you'll give
me a whacking for telling a story"
A LITTLE boy of our acquaintance, who
had just learned that the names John
and Jack were used Interchangeable,
took occasion, not unnaturally, to call
his sisters attention to a picture of
'Jack the Baptist"
The meanest man has just been found
at Foster, Ohio. He sent one of his
children over to neighbor for a share
of his neighbours honey, claiming that
the bees had collected most of their
honey from his choicest flowers.
A YoUNGsTER at the table the other
night asked his mother If sausages were
ripe yet, and was told that sausages did
not grow. eyes they do" said he stout
ly, for saw whole branch of green
ones IN fruit store to-day It was
necessary to enlighten him with regard
to the difference between bananas and
sausages.
IT was very careless to leave the par
rot in the parlor Sunday evening, but
she never thought anything about it I'M
til Monday morning, when he reused
the whole house by making a smacking
noise and crying: Darling Susie
darling Susie /" He kept it up all day,
and the old folks are much interested
in the case.-Ronae Sentinel.
To MAKE homeopathic soup, take two
starved pigeons, hang them by string
in the kitchen window so that the sun
will cast the shadow of the pigeons into
an iron pot already on the fire, and
which will hold ten gallons of water;
boil the shadows over slow fire for ten
hours, and then give the patient one
drop in a glass of water every ten days.
AN Eastern editor says that man in
New York got himself into trouble by
marrying two wives. A Western editor
replies by assuring his contemporary
that good many men in that section
have done the same thing by marrying
one. A Southern editor retorts that
quite number Of his acquaintance
found trouble by barely promising to
marry, without going any further.
In the Registration Court, Cupar,
Fife, a man was called upon to appear
as a witness, and could not be found.
On the Sheriff asking where he was,
grave, elderly gentleman rose up, and,
with much emphasis, said: My lord,
he's gone. "Gone gone p said the
Sheriff "where is he gomez" "That
cannot inform you" replied the COM
municative gentleman, s. but he's dead"
THE carbonic oxide given off by char
coal causes peculiar phase of insanity
among cooks in France, where charcoal
is largely used in cooking. The symp-
toms are oppression, vertigo, hallucina-
.