The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1877-11-08
NO. 81
ALL SORTS.


Two-button kds-A young goat fight.
The boss team-A yoke of oxen.
Hotel-keepers are people we have to 'sput
up wlth."9f1ed .E32TSt WsM
Why do we call love affections Because
IS 2 alSeHase, 51ulsielssJ aa0i H9f
1t was backward debtor who said 1.-THE
dues you say, ,,-r.+4l4-,-...,is
The, Car thinks that Turkey hasn't had
enough dressing. tFgh iT0a
Mean speed, according to Punch, is run-
ming away from ones creditors
New Orleans newspaperreaders canltake
their Pic.
Chicago proverb: ga penny saved takes
wings" TO Canada, generally.
Boston has SWEET street, but it isn't on
the brow of hill.
/ Sweet remark by the Graphic regarding
Keely: ''Let us hiss him for his motor. -
If bank cannot stand loan it must
eventually go down.
Kalamazoologists is what the Chicago
Times calls the unhappy dwelers of Kala-
mazoo. ~ ''A9 . ~ i''}
A man is thought to be successful when
succeeds himself in office. ~ ~
| Befogged steamers are making a run on
i ho fbo boy,1-c ~ Nourfoupdjop1
Singular that the, Tallman Seminary, in
New Jersey, should be school for young
ladies. ~
The cigar-makers' strike in New York
threatens to go out in smoke.
The most shiftless thing in this world is a
| Vassar College student taking bath.
Some times man serves his county best
| by making his best time out of it. 4,.+H
| Col. Ingersoll is very fond of fishing, says
an exchange. 'sDoes We like TO Robert for
| eels?'' inquiries the Graphic. 800.
| Can the ssCounterfeit Presentment, as
played by Mr.. Barrett, be realistic piece of ,
actings -1 =
4
| ts'Hstory will take care Of Chief Joseph
says the Rochester Democrat. So'will Gen.
| Miles. az - Pa -
'sThe leaves are falling, falling, and the
trees are catching cold, is the way the
latest effort on fall poetry begins.
When a Virginia gentleman asks another
70 r1r;,, Ill Chon wa Ufy
| the public debt lift ?' And they lift.
Agony personified--A bachelor editor try
| ing to prepare an able and iudicious article
/ on the baby show. ''l-s
Prof. Hall began life as carpenter, mar
ried schooltcacher, saved his money, and
now has two whole moons. 10 fr4-fes5
The man who has been looking for sea-
serpent all summer has returned and is
| looking for an oyster in church fair stew.
When young lady offers to hem cam
4 brio handkerchief for a rich bachelor, de-
pend upon it She means to sew in order that
I she may reap. ID
| The next best thing to findinga paragraph
in our exchanges worth copying is to find
| one of orr own copied and credited.
Dom Pedro never signed death warrant.
-[Ex. No, but he felt like doing it several
times, when the train slowed down to thirty
| miles an hour. son 6El7f
Highwayman-s'You don't recognize me?
Why, you defended me and got me off at the
/ last assizes. Thanks to you havebeen en-
abled to resume my old vocation. Your
money or your life -,.,-
| "A Kentucky man who went to the Black
Hills wrote back to a local paper, saying
softer premium at your coming fair for
| the biggest fool in the country, and I'll try
| and get there in time. - u
1t is common proverb, and indeed it is
the creedof the homeopathic, that like cures
like. But there is one thing as to which
| neither homeophathist nor alopathist has
pronounced an opinion, and that is, what
/ cures dis like? observation-disclosures.
The San Francisco Chronicle says that
| California would be better off without her
gold mines, and argues the point as folio ws:
'sThere are three thousand people in San
Francisco alone who live directly or indi-
rectly from the purchase. and sale of stocks,
averaging in their expenses $4,000 a year.
Here are, then, $4,000, GOO which the posses
sors do not earn, but which is earned by
their victims. Mining is no reproductive
| industry, but the value of its products are
more than eaten up by the gambling specu-
lations which it stimulates"
| He was tramp. AS he watched the mer-
chant pace his store with cast-down eyes,
| he shook his head. ssPeor fellow said the
tramp, ~ feel for him. Note to pay. prob
ably, and ten cents to do it with. All, gen.
| tlemen, fortune cannot smile upon us all,
but tell you, it is a precious thing to know
how you stand every Saturday night. Ah
yes, +" he said with sigh, 'that poor fellow
/! is doomed to bear burdens which we know
| nothing off,
| A CONTRAST disposition of man