The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-01-06
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

MI StOnc. hOSpOuus, my uhho 10
it is Pound" Is met again and says ms na'n :.
is Wait; again, and is Hit. Thinks II Is the 10
let the cat out Of the bag, and says II anolncl
man speaks to him he'll take stone OF ABOUT
Pound Wait and HIT him.
We are glad that the ladies are again ioThiing
reading clubs for the winter. Inc reaoihe cruz
is an organization that discusses the character
of Shakspear's Portia for fifteen minutes ana
the hest manner OF cutting basque on the bias
for an hour and a half, and rarely fnlls 10 DC Oh
great proft-NOrtcih Bulletin
II is useless to try to get ahead OF Brooklyn
on the connubial question. The latest thing Is
the following in the way OF hlgamy:
married man of Brooklyn name OF Smith,
having tried for long time to support his fam
ily and failed was applied to by servant IN a
family where he got an occasional job, with the
proposition that If he would marry her she
would SET him up in the grocery business. Mere
" with a visw of supporting his lawful wie'
Smith accepted the proposition, and the mar
riage took place; but no sooner was the cere..
money performed than number two declared
she would not support Smith unless he llyed
with her This Smith declined, whereupon ms
new.made wife had him arrested on complaint
for bigamy. She failed however, to make ont .
case for the real Mrs Smith, with singular tidel-
ity to the man who had committed the crime Tor
her sake, came into court and swore she was not
Smiths wife.
As an evidence that progress is being made in
certain department Of manufacture it is noted
that watches owned by Washington during the
revolution, and that sold year ago at two hun
bred dollars apiece, can now he had for one dol
lar each, with discount to the trade.
A medical journal recently reported the case
of negro in Arkansas who was cured of the
bite of tarantula by two gallons of whisky. 1t
was afterwards discovered that the negro had
been stung by a wasp, and the humane persons
who contributed the whisky are hunting him
with shot guns.
Yes, let's have another war. The stock of old
army overcoats is played out, and how would
man look coming into town on load OF wood
without one of those ?-Fult0n Times.
The following is an example Of didactic humor
which is afforded by New Jersey graveyard:
Here lies the body Of Mary Ann Lowder;
She burst while drinking a seidlitz powder;
Called from this world to her heavenly rest
She should have waited till 1t efieryesced.
"Ah, good morning, good morning. sir; glad
to see you You have an article on the political
situation? That's right sir, cody replied the
editor OF the Hd,ckeye, put it in the coal bucket
Good morning, sir, be careful as you 90 out; the
stairway is very dark"
Edward s. Stokes is going to lecture and the
Rochester Democrat gives him subject, How
jim Fisk committed suicide"
Cleveland young women write comments on
the margins Of the library novels they read One
emotional creature writes "The paDgs Of love
are CRATE have ben there my self"
CHANGE:
Ouoth Ned, at Christmas dinner, Kate,
The story is all CANNON,
That once ST. Pat in ireland, changed
A mutton-leg to salmon"
Says Kate, To-day change occurred
As great or I'm mistaken,
For, less than twenty minutes since,
This turkey, Ned, was bakc.un"
The Irish are not the only people that commit
bulls, In an English provincial newspaper is |
the following notice "Whereas, James Mclean
lately left his lodgings this is to give notice that
if he does not return Immediately ard pay for
the same he will be advertised" handbill in
York, announcing public meeting in thai city,
said that The ladies, without distinction of sex,
are invited to attend"
female correspondent asks what she shall
do for her poodle dog when it has fits. Several
remedies have been suggested, but cutting the
tail Off c Jse behind the eais is usually etlectual
The Ne,o Century asks, g. How can a woman
make home more attractive 10 her husbandy'
Around here the surest way Is believed 10 be to
hire pretty chambcrmad.-Nor Bulletin.
The ST. Louis Republican, in response to an ap-
peal from an afflicted correspondent, suggests
several expedients for repelling the social pi.
os.5 Win,
upon their hapess neghbors. A bulldog does
very well; grease on the front steps is quite
eflectye pals Of water flung out Of front
window dampen the ardor Of assailants; an
electric battery attached to the bell-wire works
nicely; a small pox pacard is not to be dcspised
The Danbury Ne,rs says: "The tomb of Aga
memnon has been found We are glad he had
tomb We have all along been afraid that sub
scripton would have to bc set ailoat for that
purpose. The illustrious dead will always find
a hearty welcome in this country, il they are
well provided with good comfortable tombs"
Two young brothers may be as devotedly at.
iached to each other rs were Damon and Pythias,
but you will never hear Of one snatchng the
scuttlc from the hands OF the other, and insist.
Senator Christiancy's room at Washington
was robbed just before he went to South Caro-.
ina, Of a pair Of trousers, in the pocket of
which were $500. What u jewel that young
wife Of his must be, to put away his trousers
and leave money in the pockets.
Women in politicsl Sugar in Slopsl 1t may
improve the slops; but, OH what a waste OF su.
gar
Pray for the poor with all your might, ard
now and then throw in loaf Of bread, basket Of
potatoes or barrow Of coal.
An III gin newspaper has this advertisement:
"Fouud-A buckskin mitten. If the owner will
leave the other OF this Office he will greatly
oblige the finder"
Ii is a narrowing spectacle 10 see man who
has been married but year trudglng along with
a carpet-ba and an umbrella, en- route 10 join
~ S-rvian armv