National Republican., 1877-02-18
WIT IND HUlHOR.
Book.ke cpers-Book- borrowers.
PreEninr bnainessACi Citler.makinr

BOOKING cpers-bO0k-
Pressing businessAC Cider making.
The carver who cuts but comes not again.
Time.
Apt TO be hot headed-The man who has a
IRE In his eye.
Fact about the sex-Although q woman's
age Is undcniably her own, she does not own II.
The best thing 10 this world. Tako things
as they eome-take them easy-and take good
many Of them.
free chopt,n and when the old loafers come
around he shows them an axe and a wood.pile.
The Little Boy that Everybody Wanted to
iss.-On being asked what he thought hro.Hies
God made them for candles to light the little
frogs to bed"
Strong. indeed | A lady recently asked her
servant how the mustard pot had become crack.
che did not know, but supposed II was owing to
the mustard being so strong.
There is a growing feeling among the Amer
Sn people that the man " Thg hear fellow
should be the next President.
This was Robert stephenson's remark TO the
tIon, iii you you W viii take yourself up BY the band
Of your breeches and carry yonfslf round the
room, will consider the matter"
"My Lord says" observed a noblcman's s
turc gallery Of a grand country. house THAT the
pictures ey Paul Very Uneasy lveronsse)i but
what he's uneasy about, sir, I'm sure don't
A florist was showing an Irishman over his
establishment the other day. Now" said he,
''well Just look IN for moment at the gcrmina.
replied the other. :Troth and I'm glad, for it's
hungry am. But isn't there some Irish drink.
in saloon Jist as handy -
WITH coal at moderate price, too "My ar
late" wrote a lady to the editor Of a monthly y
magazine. "0ur fair correspondent IS mistaken, v
spsf nS Sos them
Boarding tactics-Mrs. Lerriper Pm 'appy
to say things Is a.loekin' up agen. My 'articst
gentleman as bin and got hlsscif crossed In love.
Ss , TSSSfSi So %S @ you Jun
and never 'as the luck to get domestic Infections
among 'em as II take away their appetites.
Throwing away jewels.-A woman once
something that W pleased her, but a little While While
after she chased him out Of the house for doing
soms,hIng bad, when the little feilow Pgt P, Ms
never get rich, ma, If you throw away Jewels like
A dramatist was saying the other day that
be did not expect to make make his great success yet,
I'll he was forty. The lady 10 whom he spoke
was herself an authoress so she said, ~ hope you
never are forty"
A gentleman one morning was accosted by
boot black in this manner:
shine, surg"
"Shine 'em quick, sur. Dot in three different
ianguages-'Publiean, Demmyeratic and Green.
He got the job.
Returned with interest.-some very candid
sort Of person asked the late President of the
tidered himself an honest man. The late Presi.
dent viewed his interrogator for moment with
some surprise, and then pleasantly observed
in Warrington that can't tell"
Net reeult.-Ofa q worthy predecessor of the
late Cardinal Antonelli II Is told that he was
spread % over q table at which he pSrtooE Of tSe tSe
humblost apos.ollcal fare. After he attained the
Pontiheate, bishop observed TO him that the net
reply Was, .Peaes, holy father; the T'h us Is
At a railway. station, two gentlemen belong
ing to the district were warming themselves In
the waitingr room, when son Of the Emerald
Isle, rather out elbows" entered the room. One
Of tho gentlemen, Enthusiastically humorous,
e Gs giving {ST ny
the reply. "iil be aftcr lettin, you keep IL for q
a shillia,; and Its meself that has much need o.
In one of the largest and most thriving
towns Of Ohio, q well-known hotel.heeper and
politician was sppointed collector Of internal
1.s Z, as SIna on n desk
mark, containing q fve-hundred- dollar green.
back, to which was pinned small piece Of paper
with "Conssience money" written thereon.
Quietly folding up the greenback and putting Il
in his pocket, heremarked, ~ always did suspect
that bar.kecper OF mine"
For the sake of Effect.-A French soldier
was sitting, q short time back, on the summit Of
hill overlooking garrison town; his horse was
picketed near by; the man was smoking leisurely,
and from time TO time glancing from the espla.
made to big official envelope he had In his hand.
A comIade passed, aud said, "What are you doing
there2" II am bearing the President Mac
Mahon's pardon for our friend Flinshmann, who
Is to be shot this mol ning,h replied the smoker.
'Wen, then, hurry along with It," said his
comrade. "Uh, no! See, there is hardly q soul
On the esplanade, and the firing platoon has not
yet been formed. You surely would not have me
rob my appearance OF all dramatic eteetG"
At country village church Q few SUNDAYS
ago, o clergyman from q distance oficiated, as
special sermon In aid Of local charity was TO be
preached The reverend gentleman had selected
hymn for the 0cca sion, and when giving IL out
also named the tune TO which he wished II to be
sung. There was, however, no response from the
organRallery, and, thinking the organist had
not distinctly heard him, he again repeated the
name Of the tune. All eyes were directed toward
the organgallery. from which "clieking," half
smothered sound emanated. Presently the cur.
talns were drawn aside and q portly, red faced
person appeared, exclaiming, ''It's no USE zur
she woan't go II! tell yer she woan't 70 Il ~
The reverend gentleman had not been Informed
that there barrel.orpnn n tho church