Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1877-08-15
Don't be Funny.

Fun is like murder, in that there are two
kinds of people who ought not to be pun
ished for committing it-those who cannot
help it, and those who do not know they are
guilty of it. But any individual, who with
malice aforethought aud no provocation.
goes to work to be funny ought to be put
out OF the community. Some men are so
charged with wit they can no more hinder
its flash than summer cloud bristling with
electricity can smother up the lightning.
Such men are public blessings, for pure wit
clears up muggy vapLss aud sweetens the
social air. Again there are humorous peo.
pie, full of oldest conceits, all their own,
who make dull outlooks sunshiny. They
may not be heroic characters, or even self
sacrificing; but martyrs are not grilled on
gridirons every day, nor countries saved at
regular intervals so the hero market is
never exhausted, while the demand is con.
slant for these gay peacemakers. Their
value never fluctuates. We have heard of a
home possessing one-a house wherein the
cook gets periodically, as the humble
preacher put it, "fearfully and wonderfully
mad" She strides up stairs to give warn
in" putting, blowing, spirting out wrath
like an over-hot teakettle. The good man,
who can't help being funny, sits in Judgment
on her case. The result is always the same.
Bridget steals sheepishly out; at intervals
through the day, she filings her apron over
her head and relapses into wild levity Ask,
"What ails you, Biddy ?" Aud the answer
is also the same 90, but the masther
passes such comics on me-" The baby
cries after him, as the true soothing syrup,
and the children get joked out of awkward
ness, meauness, and juvenile frailties The
little mother, tired and just ready to scold
turns sharp corner into some closet and
laughs Historically at his timely Jest. Wo-
man like, if he can make her do it, he shall
not see his triumph. To know the warmth
the genial loving atmosphere such a man
diffuses, read the memories of Sidney Smith,
and thank heaven for the people who can't
help being funny.
Then there is this other class, who are
funny but don't know it. One melting sum-
mer day fat old bear in Central Park felt
herself overcome with heat. She went to
her water-trough and sat down in it, leaned
away back with both paws tapping the air
like limp hands. With eyes half shut and
mouth open, she put on so precisely the airs
of some lackadaisical old lady that every by
stander roared with laughter; but she tran
quilly blinked and had no thought of the fun
she was making. And so the world is full
of human oddities, as all-unconscious of their
mirth-provoking qualities. Only rude or
brutal persons laugh at such TO their hurt ;
while only the dulest fail to be amused.
In world where, as Sammy Weller says,
"There is nothin' that aint," weneed among
the many who grieve us, hurt us, do us all
manner of evil--we need some who only
amuse us. This is the reason we find chill
dren entertaining they are funny in pro-
portion as they do not know they are.
But to the real subjects of our scrutiny
the people whose fancies are Gas dry as the
remainder biscuit after a voyage" but who
cherish the idea that witticisms are as easy
to make as good resolutions, if one Just goes
Systematically to work. 1t would be reve-
lation to them to realize that one joke differs
from another, as fiy-specked lemon-drop,
out OF an antique grocery, differs from a
strawberry crisp with dew.
Let man be lacking in almost any other
mental endowment and if he does not openly
acknowledge it, he is particularly careful to
avoid any strain in the direction of that
missing link. What man ignorant of time,
rhythm, notes and the whole theory of
music ever offers TO lead choir or to per.
form solo in public Where is there one
without a mathematical mind who longs to
calculate eclipses But the world is over
run with people who are forever trying to be
funny, although they have not wit enough
TO salt them.
1t is the clown, not the wit, who forever
grins and giggles-only the fool who never
appears without his cap and bells. Eyes
keen to catch and first to sparkle over some
comic touch in life are as quick to dim at a
sorrow, the hint of which escapes the next
man, and so the true wit may get from you
tear instead of laugh. England's great
satirist wrote, 81 begin to find the world
growing more pathetic daily and | laugh less
every year of my lifel Why laugh at idle
hopes, vain purposes, or even utter blunder-
ing self-confdence : Let us be gentle -
not funny, o friend
If the good God gave you the gift of wit
use it well if you are without it take heed
to old Thomas a kempis: What thou art
that thou art and thou canst not make thy
self other."-C Christian Weeklu