Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1877-10-24
How Mr.. Thorpe Tested the Widow
Bolts.

From the Philadelphia Bulletin
Mr. Thorpe is a middle. age,
Widower, ami some time ago he pal,
his addresses to Mrs. Bolts. widow
Oh the shady side ct forty. Thor,
Is rich, aud after the widow acccptc,
HIM, ite began To fear that mayb,
she had taken him for his money
and so he concluded to test her I,
ascertain il she really loved him foI
himself alone. SO one evening whcr
they were sitting together i'll tn,
parlor he said to her:
"Ilannah, I've something nnplcas
ant To tell YOU. but | am going to do
1t because | consider II right that
sou should know it. Hannah. what
would yon say if | Informed Won
that one OF my knee pans is gone,
ANA that | have pa'cn; hinge on
that leg :"
81 should say that | care nothing
for that. my dear; | have only one
toe on my I"it foot. The others
were frostbiitrn oft. and the ankle
Is dli twisted around crooked"
"l0u don't tell me-" said Thorpe.
"Well, but I've something WORSE
than that. | might rs well confess
now that the bald place on top of
my head is not really my scalp: Eve
been trcpanned. | have Il silver.
plated concern set into my skull, a
KIND of skylight. lou can lift il M
aud see down on the inside of me-
"l'm glad you mentioned it, DEAR
said the widow, "for it gives ME
courage to tell you that haven't IA
hair of my own on my head. I'm as
bald as chandelier globe"
sis that so. Gracious. | never
should have expected it. But YOU
will he surprised to learn that none
of my teeth are natural. All false.
and besides that have to wear an
lndla.rubber thingamagig on my
palate to keep it from dropping
down."
IL am very sorry for Won. John.
but ITS some comfort that all my
teeth are false too. and that | am
perfectly blind in my right eve. 1t
looks like Il good eye. but it abso.
lntelN amt worth Il cent"
Great Heavens, Why didn't Won
tell me of this before ?" exclaimed
Thorpe. "But while we are on the
subject, ! will say further that F.
have chronic torpidiiy of the liver.
How does that strike You :"
'Oh, don't mind it, said Mrs.
Bolts. "because | have been bilious
and dyspeptic for twenty years; and
besides | am one lib short. 1t was
broken in a railroad accident, and
he doctor had to cut it ont. I'm
subject to fits. too
This is hOrrible,- said Thorpe.
Mrs. Bolts, ! think YOU ought to
iave mentioned these things to me
when ! proposed to you. imagined
hat | was addressing a woman, n
complete human creature. But what
Ire YOU. Mrs. Boits' Mrs. Bolts.
,ou appear to me to he IA kind of a
old wreck, with not
nore'n half of the usual machinery
bout you. It's n wonder to me YOU
lon't fall to pieces
81 am no worse than You are.
on said yourself that YOU have a
rapdoOr in the top of your head,
md gum elastic palate
Yes, but these things amt trnc,-
aid Thorpe, IL only told YOU about
hem to see if you really loved me.
IN as sound as dollar; no inactive
lrer, or silrer-plated skull, or any.
hing. Bnt You seemed to be Kind
It strung together, SOS if you should
mock against anything you'd scatter
III around over the carpet. think
on ought to let me off,
every well. sir. 40 ! will. But
It me tell tdH ihHi I've 90: nothing
he matter with me either. | only
nNen;ed those stories to try YOU,
ecanse | knew you were PLAYING a
anne over me. Now | know YOU
on'' love me. You can 60, sir
"liannah, take it all back. do
)ve YOU ;
"Do you, really: Then | love
on more than"
But no; the curtain had better be T,
rawn right here. The cold and I.
elfish world has no business with ..
nch scenes as this. They are to be :
Consolidated early next month.