The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

the Jefferson Market Police Court YESTERDAY
You have been under the influence of liquor
Now, why do you drink? 1t doesn't do you an
good, and you see the trouble yJu get into
Here am sixty years old, and never touched
drop of liquor"
you've missed an awful lot OF fun, Judge,
said Charles sadly.
Ten days" said the Court, sternly.--IE World
Ola truth we are ahead OF London. She Ia;
a Cog and Magog; but they have down in Maine
Demagog who can knock the spots ont Of tho
Guilhal giants.
A Denver paper says that an Indian chief left
his sduaw in saloon there the other day as secu
ritv for the payment of a whisky bill. Probably
one Of the Pawnee trlbes.'-N. J. tam. ide@'
tsCr.
Gooches' ice Cream Freezer is a: E. B. Treats
Ia Sal's Press.
Then why don't Mr.. Treat send it home:
This is expected to prove a good year for
comets, three having already been discovered,
The comet IS one OF the most intensely Interest
ing subjects which can command the attention
Of young people walking in the parks a! night
The commander Of Uncle Sans post at Fort
Laramie is in trouble Seven hundred Indian
ponies recently surrendered By Crazy Horse and
LIS bdNu NClC sChL ~ buS lip9L anu Ni4Ci NV
conmandant telegraphed to Washington what
to do with them, the reply came, Convert them
into mules" And now that commandant is
nearly crazy 20 know how that is to be done.
Why lie says it would take all the ponies are
worth 30 buy India rubber enough TO make the
cars alone.
Send Brother Moody this way. \ Boston man,
;,,n ~ Il 1.- 20
cd $4,000 that he stole ten years ago.
An Iowa paper tells Of smart wife, who help.
Cd her husband to raise seventy acres Of wheat
The way she helped him was to stand in the
door and shake broom stick at lin when he
g.: down to rest
Answers TO correspondents are at
present thirteen men in the Cabinet-sX with
out SchurZ and seven wtl.-YUch.
The farmers in the south part OF the state
having commenced looking about for harvest
bands, that region was instantly relieved of the
tramp nuisance. Nothing so humilia;es the
average tramp as to be asked to work for dol.
lar aud a half day.
The Burlington Ha~&eye says that out in Kan
sas they put the smallest grasshoppers in cages,
teach them to sing, and sell them to Eastern
tourists for Wichita lrne:s.
Mr.. Sturgeon has not an abiding faith in re-
porters. In response to an admrcr, inquiring
as to the accuracy of certain reports OF his ser.
mons, he said that he usually RETAINED from
reading his sermons as handled by the press for
fear Of giving vent to too much ycxation of
spirit,
T,Ng, l..
Republican has this which explains one of their
aTduOus duties:
We saw u woman cross a street four times in
side Of nine minutes, on Sunday last There had
been shower moment before. Her stockings
were white her slippers sow.heeled and rather
large, and her carriers of tri.colored elastic with
nickc-plated clasps.-NCcS.
A southern exchange hears OF the smultane.
ols fall Of white and black snow flakes aud
wishes to know if quadroon balls can be made Of
H.
Has Chandler gone to Europe with Grant?
One would suppose, from the unreliabillty OF
Eastern war news that Chandler was sending
the dispatches.
"Heaven lies about us in our infancy Words
north
And our neighbors lie abou, US in after years.
--AqrOrd Nous.
A North Carolina paper speaks of a baby which
was born black and subsequently turned white
IN this latitude a baby Is usually born white and
tarns lively yellcr.-Nortcch Bulletin.
"lio, allye dyspeptics!" says patent medicine
advertiser II all dyspeptcs would hoe re gular.
ly their number would be greatly reduced
man out on Web street dropped dead the
GtheF day, whie beating a sitting-room carpet.
HIS wife has been held TO appear at the next
Term oil the district court. Dreadful warning
Bar.a3toa HGlckeye.
La Sale dispatch TO the Chicago Times says
"a rains;orm Of forty eight hours duration pre-
vailed here on Sunday morning" The Times re.
porter must be the same fellow that edits the
la Sale swiIltub.
And now tie Inspiring game Of croQuet is again
the rage. It's great redeemng quality is, that II
is within the reach 0! the feeblest intellect.
4 81. Louis dealer placed in his shop window
a terrific imitation bronze bulldog to attract
attention. The image was so real, however, that
it scared customers away, and the man had TO
pat around its neck huge chain with paddock,
before the public felt safe
The recent Presbyterian illumination against
sunday work on newspapers has driven the pi.
Gus Chicago publishers to the cxpcdient of EN-.
ploying "hardshcll' Baptist printers on Satur.
iay and 1ih day Baptists on Sunday They en-
gage Arabs to sell the papers.
Out In Leavenworth they recently had an cx.
citing trial Of case where two women claimed
;Ae same baby, and one of the lawyers brushing
ap his sunday school attainments, alluded TO a
singular ease brought before Solomon, only he
named PLATE Instead Of Solomon. The reporter
proceeds:
The opposing counsel, supposing he knew all
about u, Instantly jumped 20 his feet and called
lin fool, and said that the order was by Cesar
ans not Plate. After heated discussion they
agreed 20 leave IL To the judge. HIS Honor de-.
t!ded that both the attorneys were talking uuon
q subject foreign 10 their knowledge. and, point-
ing 10 the painting, said ii was intended 10 rep.
resent llerOd, and not Plate or Cesar The las
gers considered the matter settled and proceed
ID a. FH...a