The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-09-06
;Au Sorts Of Paragraphs.

1
,,ida :Au Sorts Of Paragraphs. 90,
d'GA The best present for baseball club
-an ice.pitcher. - 'a. .
Why are troubles like babies? Be-
cause they get bigger by nursing. Is
- ,Wringing the hands is q sign ofsor-
row, but ringing the fingers .iis il a q sign of
'S:- hi 'Lifs fesii9albi q Short" moralizes the nj
6suae. We can sympathize with Life.
We are short too. '''''''.' ''''''
hl- a German literary man says that In
Angritao thieves are SO scarce that re-
watdsare offered for them. i. ;>g.7:
4r,AnrAtlanta woman says if death
lpyes4 shining mark, it's wonder it
never aimed at her husbands nose. i ::
Spare moments are the gold-dust Of
time. Of all the portions of our life,
spare moments are the most fruitful in
good or evil. i''i '''i'' @''' 90 '3',i
- "John, what is the chief branch of
education in. your school7" "Willow
branch, SIR masters used up nearly a
whole tree" 80,
| - Nobody knows to this day what
time old Noah had of it in the ark with
the antedeluvian ancestors of the present
Kentucky mule. =,
| A congregation in Maine has con-
cluded that q minister may skate if be
wants to, but he must keep his mouth
shut when his heels fly up.
| Boys composition Ancient Greece
was proud of her athletes. The champion
was Thermopyle. Every man who made
/ q pass at old Thermopylse got his eye
blacked. '
/ - An exchange says: "An Albany
/ man who used to live on ten cents day
died wealthy" He may have died
wealthy, but we will betmoney he did not
| die fat., y -
/ -""How many deaths 2" asked the,
hospital physician, & 1,,,,, while going his
ioine for ten." "Yes, but one wouldn't
| take it, o.
| = Charade-My first (syllable) is
company; my second shuns company;
my Shird calls company, and my whole
entertains company. Give it up? Why,
co-nun-drum, of course! aaa,-
--."I always think" said a reverend
guest, Chat q certain quantity of wine
does q man no harm after good dinner"
"Oh, no, sir" replied his host, "it is the
uncertain quantity that does the mis-
chief"
- Jennie Cooking in milliner's win
dow )-"Don't you think they are very
pretty 2" Lizzie (whose thoughts are on
the other side Of the street livery;
especially the one with the long, black
side-whiskers." -
- Landlady Ito boarder who has pass
/ ed his cup six times es)-"You are very
fond of coffee, Mr.. Smith," Mr.. Smith
ayes, ma'am, it looks as if I was,
when I am willing to swallow so much
water for the sake ofgetting little"
She said it was very bright idea.
He said he knew brighter one, and
|iwhen she asked him what it was he an
swered, "Your eye, dearp There was
silence for a moment; then she laid her
head upon the rim Of his ear and wept.
-"I didn't at all expect company to-
|iday, but hope you win make yourselves
at home" said a lady to visitor, with
not a very pleasant look. eyes, indeed"
replid one of them, starting off, II will
make myself at home as quickly as pos.
sible." IN = ':t
= "Now, my boy" said the examiner,
eff / had a mince pie, and should give
itwo-twelfths of it to John, two-twelfths
to Isaac, .two-twelfths to Henry, and
should take half the pie myself, what
would be left? Speak out loud, SO that
;all can hear?" 5"'The plate 7" shouted
the boy. ''.a -
t- A story is told of shrewish Scotch
woman who tried to wean her husband
from the public-house by employing her
brother to act the part of ghost, and
brighten John on his way home. "Who
are you ?' said the guidman, as the appa-
rition rose before him from behind
a BUSH "I am Aud Nickl" was the
reply. "Come awa', mon," said John,
nothing daunted; "gia's shake O. your
hand-I am married tae q sister O.
yours"
"A little girl who sat on the front
steps of house on Montealm street was
asked by a strange girl why she didn't
have on better dress. II can wear silk
If I want to-" quietly replied the little
one. "Your folks amt as rich as them
folks over there" sneered the big one.
I"YesT we are, and good deal richer.
They was beating their carpets yesterday,
and: we was beating ours, and we had
Twice as much dust as they didp That
settled the big one, and she moved on.
"A minister was once riding through
section of the State of South Carolina,
where custom forbade inn-keepers to
|Itake pay from the clergy who stayed
with them. The minister in question
took supper without prayer, and ate his
||breakfast without prayer or grace, and
was about to take his leave when "mine
host presented his bill. =, LAY, SIR said
be-" responded Boniface; "but you came
here; slept like a sinner and ate and
drank like sinner, and now you shall
pay like sinner"
- In the days of Sir Matthew Hale,
men who could read might, by law, be-
como priests. On one occasion man
who could not read desired to be or
dained, and he took his place before his
examiner, with copy of the Lords
prayer in his hand, and friend who
could read at his back. Prompter COM
meuced whispering to him-Our Father
who art in Heaven-"sOur Father who
art in Heaven" he repeated, in a loud,
confident voice; the prompter continued
i-Hallowed be thy name-"Hallowed be-
thy.. name" His thumb was now over
the next sentence, and. the prompter
gently requested, him to take it away,
when ."'Take away your thumb rang
through the room, and this was clearly
illustrative of the learning of that time.
BEWARE OF DAMP CLoTHING.-Few
,araona understand fully the reason why