Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-01-04
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

rolling-over rich " at any honest trade
WILLIAM WHEELER, of Skowhegan
Me-, who went into the Black Hills pool
and discouraged last spring, has returned
with s100,0 900 in his pockets.
VANITY is confounded donkey-very
apt to put his head between his legs and
chuck us over; but pride is a fine horse
that will carry us over the ground, and
enable US to distance our fellow travellers.
f-HaTyat.
A STOUT German in the beer industry to
an improbable customer: "Here, now,
you took dose doors und walk owet mid
your ears, eh ?'' (He doesn't.) "Hein,
you don'd got out? Veil, you waits a
minutes und gets man dot vill!'
PEOPLE continue to give big weddings
to their daughters, big suppers to their
guests and big fees to their preacher, even
though the bridegroom has to start out on
his LIES Journey next day without spare
change enough to start up peanut stand.
IT promises to be a severe winter, but it
is comforting to know that the church
festivals have begun and that every one is
likely TO have a crochet matchbox or a
lamp-mat, or pin-cushion, or some other
necessary article to avertthe distress which
extreme cold must otherwise bring.-DGn-
| bury Ne1oS.
A TORONTO paper has just disguised the
fashionable world of that city by inserting
a mysterious paragraph announcing
stylish wedding for given morning.
The church was fairly iammed with aris-
tocracy that crowded to assist at the
nuptials of Pullman car conductor and
laundress-both colored
IT is not necessary for us, in order to do
penance for our sins and wickedness, to
withdraw ourselves from the active walks
OF life. There are everyday duties
which require as much self denial in their
performance as the acts of the religious
devotee. The hours of this life should be
devoted to the work of this life.-Chtkrch
Union.
THERE are some things which are of
such universal application that all restless
souls should recOllect them A writer
from Florida says: To succeed requires
the same material here as elsewhere"
That means industry and energy wisely
directed. This remark is as good in New
England, or the great Northwest, as it is
in Florida, Texas or California.
A FEMALE witness IN a Hartford court
testified very positively to certain occur
rences the other day, and quoted from a
diary which she had kept to corroborate
her statements. She was dumbfounded,
however, when the opposing lawyer called
for the diary, and, turning to the title
page, showed that it was not printed till
three years after the matter in dispute
happened.
ONCE upon time, sagely remarks the
San Francisco Stock Exchange, when
popular favorite started down grade and
brought up at the poor house or paupers
grave, his friends would say: Poor fell
Iow he took to drink and you know the
rest" Now they say "The darned fool
and whisky are oftentimes convertible
| terms and inalenable friends.
A VESSEL sailed from Montreal the 9TH
er day laden with Canadian manufacture
ers, mostly of wood and iron, and includ-
ing furniture, farm implements, steam
engines, and many other articles of utili-
ty, which have already found a market in
Australia. The shipment is understood
to be the pioneer Of an extensive trade,
for which arrangements have already been
made.
At a Texas baby show it was a long
time before any one could be found to act
as Judge. Finally five brave men were
found tC act, on condition that the awards
| should not be announced till the judges
| had ten minutes to start. The mothers sat
in circle, babies in lap. The judges
made their round, compared notes, handed
| the result to the spokesman and ran for
their lives.
THE Chinese do not seem to have an
| intuitive idea of the sanctity of an oath. A
| Consular office boy, who had been in the
| service nearly nine years, was looking for
something which he evidently could not
| find, and was asked what it was. 1.-The
! Consul is going to try case this morn
ing he replied, "and [ alp looking for
the little book he makes the witnesses
| smell.''
THE driver looked at her first and then
| all the passengers, and when she threw
| the rind of the eleventh orange out of the
| car window philanthropic old gentleman
volunteered to 60 to the drug store for
| something, but she only laughed and said
| that she liked the taste of fresh oranges
once in while, and commenced on
another. What delight it is to 1--we in this
land of myrtle and orange!-N. 0. BuJ-
| letin. o. --.
BIG words pass for sense with some
| people, and sometimes may be used sue
cessfully when nothing else will answer.
| AS when man, in great alarm, ran to his
minister to tell him he saw spots on the
sun, and thought the world was coming
to an end. g Oh, don't be afraid,' said
| the good minister, {" it's nothing but a
phantasmagoria Is that all - said
the frightened man, and he went away
| quite relieved.
SHE was languishing upon a sofa,
watching him afectionately as he skipped
briskly about the room, putting things to
order. Finally she said, in low, sweet
tone of voice, q George, darling, l don't
believe you will ever be a great man"
''Why so, love?' he asked, wheeling a
| chair round on one of its legs and grace
| fully stroking it with duster. Because
great men always have such lazy, good
for nothing wives.''
As Chicago professor was speaking
of Ajax defying the lightning, the othe1
/ day, the pupil regarded as the most stupid
/ in the class, suddenly looked up and said !:
a" So we are to understand that A jaX was a
deaf man?n "I don't know how any
such inference could be drawn from what
have elucidated," solemnly remarked
the professor. Well, 1 may be mis-
taken, broke IN the student, 9 but I TN
derstood you to say that Ajax was deaf,
eyeing the ightningr' The professor
frowned, looked at the boy, grinned, and
went on.