The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1877-06-21
Miscellaneous.

A home ruler-the kitchen poker.
Cool but not always collected-an ice
bill
To see a man picking a wood tick off
OF a mules heel is a sure sign of funer-
alive always noticed that.
Wit is the boomerang that strikes and
graciously returns to the hand. Sarcasm
is the envenomed shaft that sticks in the
gizzard.
It's no use talking; hat brims must
give way, er the present style of gents
collar must give way, or the present style
of gents collar must be cut down
Yesterday being Sunday, the day was
generally respected, and the number OF
/ citizens fishing at the drawbridge was re-
duced to about forty.
The st. Paul Dispatch says there is no
good fretting; but the Dispatch never
went into a jamboree and lumble oil
housecleaning and sat down on a succo-
tash of carpet tacks.
The reason some newspapers are called
Labor Journals is probably because the
publishers labor so hard to keep them
going with not more than couple oil
hundred subscribers.
The editorial staff of one of our funny
exchanges has been presented with set
of ouoits. The wicked men at once Gov
cred them with leather, so they could
pitch in the back yard on Sundays with.
out attracting the attention of the neigh
bors.
Scene at the church door (lady to sex
ton ):-"They say our poor minister Is
very i'll; pray what is the matterY
Sexton (gruffly y):-"Gout. madam"
Lady Tin a concerned voice )-"ls there
no cure2'
se.ton:-"Yes, madam; give him my
salary"
Exit both characters and change o
sceIe.
! "The Price She Paid" is the title of {
new novel We don't know what th'
article was, but il is safe to say If sh'
bought it at auction, and another woman
there was desirous of becoming the own
er also, the price she paid was more thar
four times as much as it was worth.
A merchant in a provincial town il
| Scotland had a habit of saying, 1T nigh
! hae been waur" to everything that wa
! told him, however sad the story nigh
! be. A peighbor, thinking that he woul'
! knock the wind out of him, one mornin
: said: Man, had an awful dream las
! night" cay, what did ye dreamT" .
: dreamed that | was in hell" ut Nigh
: hae been waur" "How could it hae bee
waur2" "If il had been a reality"
It Ieorned Fnolish Rishon has coined
: new word When he wishes to describ
y any of his clergy who combine the habit
. of country gentlemen with the Office c
y priesthood, instead of saying that the
q are sauires and parsons combined, he
r. in the habit of joining the two words
y one, and describing them as "squarsons
D. Seeing is Believing never did 81
o. such a wind and such a storml sal
10 a man in a coffee-room And pray, sir
II inquired a wo lld-be wit, "since you sa
l. the wind and the storm, what migl
n their color be?" THE wind blew an
o. the storm rose" was the ready rejoinde
is Jerrold once went to a party at whiC
O. Mr.. Pepper had assembled his friend
:. and said to his host on entering ii
ID room, MY dear Pepper, how glad .yc
IN must be to see your friends mustered.
- Somebody says always face the persC
~ you are talking to- 1t is evident tn
oe this writer never stood in front of Il
es man who comes into the Office as soon
~ he gets sober to have his name kept o.
N of the police report. Only men wi
Al his nose on the back of his head cou
do it.