River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-01-04
GLEANINGS.

lions. And yet he occasionally drops
a mule-teer.
s'He's filling his last cavity" mourn
cred the coffin of his deceased partner
into the grave.
Shoe dealer: 81 find we have no
No. II shoes; but here is pair of
large 9s." Customer "Ninesi do
you take me for a Cinderiller %
First CitiZen-'sAnd you, too, are for
war l'' Second Cit.-s'Not bit of
lit. My brave substitute suffered too
much in the last one."
A Philadelphia shoe-merchant wrote
to his wife that he had become con-
vert to cremation, and she said: $50
ahead ; have your ashes returned G..
o. ID. to me. 800
It's dreadfully lonesome in Philadel-
lphia now. The turn-stile keepers sight
a Centennial visitor three squares off,
pounce on the admission fee like a
hawk on June-bug.
A Londoner, having read in Bos-
ton paper an advertisement headed
l"American Steam Safe Company" re-
marked that he was glad if the Amer
leans had made steam safe company.
Detroit Free Press Between start
ling out to find the North Pole or going
to lunatic asylum, the man who Sc
lects the latter route will have more
friends and keep his feet warmer.
1t wasn't a bad hit, the other day,
when some one said, sin l776 we went
to war on account of the Stamp act,
and got the niger; in 1861 we went
to war about the niger, and got the
Stamp act
s'Charlie, often asked you to come
to Sabbath school, but you would not, :"
said the teacher of bible class last
Sunday. "Well, wouldn't be here
now if skating was good, replied the
new scholar.
There is nothing dispels the dreams
i of youth and skaters the ambitious
hopes OF the noble boy like having a
young lady remark i'll his hearing that
he would make, with study,a good hat
rack.
1t is singular fact that when men
bet hats on the election, the winner
ALWAYS understands that it was nine
dollar silk hat, while the loser is equal
| ly confident that two-dollar felt hat
was implied.
A visitor at Philadelphia, being
asked whether he preferred pictures
to statuary, said he preferred the lat
ter, as 'you kin go all round the
statoos, but you can't see only one side
of the picters.
| A member of club objected to the
publication of the list of the meeting
nights of the club, "because," he said,
IssIf it's published, we married men
will have to account for the off-nights. .
The motion to publish was lost.
Student to Professor Professor
lid like to have leave of absence.
want. to go home to attend the funeral
lof a cousin" Professor reluctantly
swell, you may go, | suppose. but
wish it was nearer relative"
A man, ragged, bruised and penni'
LESS, who was sent to jail at Boston as
a common drunkard recently, was
Ionce a rich and prosperous citizen, an
lhonored Alderman, and a candidate fol-
Mayor of the city,
Said woman speaker in New Ha
ven suffrage meeting: "Woman is III
levery respect the equal of man. Hell
Reputation for heroic bravery at
THAT point a mouse ran into sight, and
the orator jumped on the table and
screamed.
/ Norristown Herald 'sWhy is very
sick voter ON election-day like Captain
Mares of the Arctic expedition 2" This
is an easy one. because he failed to
reach the poll" If this is not the
right answer, it is as Mares we can
come to it.
Brown, senior-s'Well, Fred, what
did you see during your trip abroad q
Brown, junior-"Aw, pom m word,
don't know whatI saw 'xactly; only
know did more by three countries,
eight towns, and four mountains than
Smith did in the same time"
Two gallons of whisky were con-
sumed by colored man before he
fully recovered from the bite of tar
lantula. 1t was then discovered that
he had been stung by a wasp. The
men who contributed the whisky were
too mad to speak above whisper.
| There was man who had a clock
His name was Matthew Mears-
| He wound it regular every night
For nearly twenty years.
| At last his precious time-piece proved
An eight-day clock to be,
And madden man than Mr.. Mears
You would not wish to see.
A locomotive engineer, who had
Just been discharged for some cause,
gave vent to his spite by saying that
| it was about time he left the company
lanyhow, for the sake of his life, for
"there was nothing left of the track
but two streaks of rust and the right
of way"
The Recorder of the Dalles having
the other day expressed the opinion
that Chinawoman who, with others,
had been arranged and brought before
him, was somewhat to blame, her liege
lord blandly remarked that, if the Re-
corder would permit, he (the Celestial)
would take her into the adjoining room
and kill her.
A man may get his ears frost-bitten
going to church, but it is not until he
has found a couple of palm-leaf fans in
the pew, contributed to a collection
for protecting the HindoOs from sun
stroke, and listened to sermon argu-
that he fully realizes how cold the
weather is around home.
Some years ago, when ''gOing west
was more of an undertaking than at
present, young man was leaving his
home in Vermont for Illinois. The
family were gathered to say farewell,
and not without tears. The grand
father took the young man by the
hand, and said: Snow; John, remem-
Der the Sabbath-day to keep it holy f;
and look out for rattlesnakes, and be
careful nobody steals your watch.
ConstantinOple.
We copy from an exchange the state
ment that Constantinople has seventy
+,,,o ,,ax,-c,anarS sixtepn of which are