Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1877-05-09
VARIETY AND HUMOR.

lar.
What is that which by losing an
eye has nothing but an nose left? A
noise.
A nose is a good and useful organ,
! but was never intended to talk or sing
through.
The gentleman who was welded
TO his own views is very tired of his
! partners, and anxious to change them.
"A New Haven man, with touch
of insanity, has driven his wife almost
frantic 10y bringing home wheelbarrows
in inconvenient quantities.
A New York girl sang Darling.
l am growing old, !" with an expression
so pertinent and truthful that her
| procrastlnating lover lett her for good.
An old lady went into Fulton
street bird store yesterday and inquired
what she would have to pay for an
antiquarian, to keep gold fish -
~. Y. Graphic.
Amy man without leverage enough
in his construction to pry himself out
OF bed early in the morning, can't ex-
! pect to accomplish much in this world.
! -Chicago Journal.
Heel flies are annoying the cattle
i'll Limestone County, Texas, greatly.
The weaker among the stock, which
seek relief in the swamps, become
| mired and drowned.
The last vital statistics of France
! show that tobacco-chewers are the
! longest lived men in that country.
They beat farmers by an average of
three years. Detroit Free Press.
Noting the peculiar superiority of
certain Chinese productions over all
others, a philosophi2ing newspaper
man wants to know if this world is to
be permitted to move pig-tail first.
With years of experience on its
head the New York Tribune has ar
rived at the conclusion that Large
hands and feet, large waist, large
mouth and large eyes, always indicate
a generous, sympathetic nature, and
exceedingly good sense"
Farmer Ezra Griesmer, of Berks
County, Pa, is made famous in his
own locality by having recently
thrashed out 1000 sheaves of oats in
ninety-tive minutes, with machine
forty years old. lie knows how to
run wild de old masheen."
"A crusty old fellow once asked:
"What is the reason that gritlins,
dragons and devils are ladies' favorite
subjects for embroidered designs 2"
"Ah, because they are continually
thinking of their husbands" was
lady's quick retort. --Danb,uy NeloX
They have a curious way Of decd
ing lawsuits in Siam. Both parties are
put under cold water, and the one
staying longest wins the suit. In this
country both parties are got into hot
water and then kept there us long as
possible. The result in the end is the
same.
We have heard it remarked tina
mer make fools Of themselves when
they marry. This appears to us to be
erroneous. The job Of making fool of
the man is bossed by the woman,
and she generally completes it before
the marriage takes place. --AndrelCs'
R0zdr.
"Let me see" says the nurse of a
sick man. 1.-THE doctor said one tea
spoonful every ten minutes; that
makes six every hour, say seventy-two
during The night. ! shall give him
seventy-two spoonfuls right away, and
have chance to get a little sleep my
self. '-Hor0ard LampOon.
We observed, the other day. a re-
cently-married young man who yainly
oft ~ TO In vats,
of his coat. Tootsey-pootsey had
mended the torn lining Of the coat in
the morning-the shockingest great
holes and had sewed the pockets all
up as nicely rs could be. Solemn
fact t. Rochester Democrat.
--Deacons are undoubtedly great
help to the pastor. They are an inn
portant element of church enterprise,
but sometimes they are fearfully
human, if ''to err is any proof of
their humanity. One Of them recently
rose in his place and in the most
sepulchral voice announced the death
of prominent member of the church.
The silence which ensued was embar-
RAISING in the extreme; but what was
the astonishment of the meeting when
ne again rose slowly and said, Breth-
ren let us sing Praise God from
whom all blessings flow. ~. Y.
HeIaM.
"A singularly beautiful sight in
fruit growing is presented in the
orchard of DR.. Harris. and attracts the
attention and admiration Of almost
every passer-by. \ large apple tree,
standing near his dwelling, was left
last autumn with the fruit ungathered
for the birds. the doctor said. AT
this writing large number of hand
some golden-colored apples adorn the
tree, while the fragrant white and pink