Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1877-12-06
THAT ADVERTISING AGENT.
BIT ED. E. TEN EYcK.

i Milligan's Office was invaded the
other day by brisk little man dress-
ed in a suit of non-committal black,
which might have been worn with
perfect propriety by clergyman, a
professor, or the advance agent of a
circus.
/ fare you the proprietor of sMilli-
gan's Macedonian Mixture? !" asked
the little man.
Milligan said that he was, and fur
| ther remarked that said mixture was
Igood for consumption, and paralysis,
sure death to catarrh. could wrestle
VIGOROUSLY with toothache, OF
broken leg, and had been known to
knock the insides out of the blind
staggers. In conclusion he alluded
to the fact that it was made from
'sPure herbs-great Indian secret
known only by two living men-basis,
molasses and rum,' laughed the little
man, giving Milligan friendly poke
in the ribs. ''Don't attempt to fool
me, old n an, for I'm there, every
time. I'm an, advertising agent, /
am, and I've got some of the most
Gigantic schemes for advertising your
medicine that you ever heard OFF,
ssDon't want to ever hear Of them,
grunted Mulligan.
| 'sOh, but you mustl Wait till /
tell You the first. 1t is estimated that
in the United States there are ten
million ladies that wear walls. Now
wen entire into agreement with all the
vail manufacturers, pay 'em aroyalty,
and have stamped on every blessed
vail, in white letters, with a fancy
bunch of flowers above them, Use
AIilligan's Macedonian Mixture
Hew's that? Amt it immense? The
lladies can't help reading it; they'll
nave 70. bccstuSc ~ . pctoIc thcit ctSc
constantly, and they'll buy a box.
There's ten million boxes already"
care your brothers and sisters also
insane?" growled Milligan, wishing
he had patent bouncer.
s'Lord, nol' brisl1ly responded the
little man; ''but maybe that notion
don't strike you favorably. All right;
here's another. This is soft thing,
peaches and cream. You've seen
these ornamented cardboard mot
ttoes, haven't you-the kind they
stick up in the parlor, and in Sunday
school, and around everywhere? Wen
get corner on those-won't take
I -sass1.l 70 do it@-and rush them out
this way: ''God bless our home--if
we use the Macedonian Mixture
Man wants but little here below-be-
sides Milligan's Mixture "A long
life and happy one-by patronizing
the Macedonian Mixture sThey all
do it-taxe Milligan's bang-up Mix
ture.' There: amt that rel hot?
That'll fling the mixture broadcast
over the land, aud you'll have eight
horses and nigger to waisa on the
door in less than six weeks.ss
ssDurned. cussed, internal foolish
ness!' shouted Milligan, looking
anxiously for a club, and mentally Of
fering dollar for shotgun.
"Sho! you don't say sop res
ponded the surprised advertising
agent. "Well, 1 never give up;
here's another plan that'n make you
a millionaire in lightning express
time. The secret of success is--tomb-
stones.
''Tombstonesi"
"Yes, tombstones. Well get
monopoly of them, give them away,
and every bereavcd family in the land
will be fioeking to you to scoop in
tombstone. Well put the corpse's
age and name on free, and right un-
derneath we'll slap on, in big black
letters, alongside the cut of a crying
angel:
s's'rhis man Cor woman) wouldn't
have died if he Cor she) had used
Milligan's Macedonian Mixture, sold
by all druggists, price twenty-five
cents, warranted to kill CT cure, A
No. /, isn't it?''
mo, sir, it ain't,n responded Mill
gan, sit $ stuff, idiocy, blasted bald
erdashl What do You take ma for,
anyhow, an addle-Iated idiot? Get
out, I've got other things to do besides
listening to the rawlings Of an escaped
lunaticr'
sLunatic, am {? Very we'll, now
this sounds like a lunatic, doesn't it?
Well catch every fly in America, paint
'em green, and let 'em rip again.
Folks will notice it, scientific men
will take itup, it win get in the pa
|pers: How did the flies get green?
will be the conundrum Of the age.
Then We will come out boldly. Mr..
Milligan Of Milligan's Macedonian
Mixture (good for everything) did it.
The mixture can be obtained any
where. Agencies at the North and
South Pole. Gracious how the peo-
pie will get away with the mixture
after that! Why they
The glib speaker never finished.
There was a highly interesting strug-
gle for moment, and then Milligan
observed, as he wiped the sweat from,