The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-10-20
NUMBER |.
PASSING SMILES.

In the line of early rising the COM
mon rooster is away ahead of the lark.
FASHION is very we'll while one is
young and in health; but of what use is
it in old age and sickncssg
ROCHESTER Democrat: What the
milkman said when they found fish in
the tactical fluid: Good heavens the
brindle COW has been in swimming
again"
WHY should the spirit of mortal
proud has stood pretty we'll the wear
and tear of conundrum's experience,
but tougher one is why shoulda barber
cat onionsY
ONE day last week, down in Missouri,
man was struck by lightning while
playing croquet. Heavens vengeance,
though long delayed sometimes is aw-
fully certain.
AN agricultural correspondent writes
to correct what he thought to Re an err
roneous statement that recently APP
pcared in this column relative to cows
giving buttermilk Wencver saw COW
give anything clso but her milk.
BURLINGTON Hdwk-Eyc: Yesterday
afternoon tramp who was locked up
for stealing. q soup bone and three pairs
of trowsers on South Hill, confessed to
the officer who arrested him that he
was Osman Pasha.
THE COURSE OF LIFE.
The Past, what is II but CLEAN
Which Memory family throws
The Future, Ills tho fairy dream
That Hope and Fear compose
The present Is tho lightning glance
That comes and disappears
Thus Life Is but a moments trance,
OF Memories, Hopes, and Tears!
The last mosquito Of the season is
buzzing alone, all his annoying compan-
ions have been smashed or are flown.
DO not leave the lone ono to pine away
in melancholy solitude, but squelch him
with a damp towel in the cool Of the
morning.
A YOUNG damsel sent twenty-five
cents and a postage-stamp in reply to an
advertisement that appeared in an
Eastern paper of " how to make an
impression" and got for her answer,
Sit down in Il pan of dough-
A wELL-KNowN English beauty, who
went to be photographed at a seacide re-
sort, after taking her seat in the chair Of
torture, was thus addressed by the in
sinuating operator: Now, miss, you
look at me as if | was your young man,
and you'd met me Unexpected
WHEN / die let me be buried within
the sound of the hammer, the clang of
the workshop, the hum of the mill"
says the candidate in his speech. And
then he goes home and seats himself in
his rocking-chair while his wife carries
the coal out of the cellar to get supper
with.
A MAN not thousand miles from
Lancaster recently wrote the officials Of
the Boston, Concord and Montreal Rail
road "for chance TO run Gil the road.'
He was told he could "run on the
road as much as he liked, il he would
only keep out of the way of the trains.
OLD DR.. Hunter used to say, when he
could not discover the cause of a mans
sickness, Well try this and we'll try
that. Well shoot into the rspe. and if
any thing fall, well and good" Aye
replied wag, Il fear this is too COM
monty the case, and, in your shooting
into the tree, the first thing that gener-
ally falls is the patient"
AT one Of the theaters the sea was
made Of loose painted canvas, and two
sets of boys-one short and the other
tall were employed to stoop and rise
alternately beneath the canvas, and
thus to give the idea Of waves. One
night the ocean was in singular COM
motion, and all the waves seemed to be
in the middle of the stage; fearful
noises were also heard. The affrighted
lessee rushed behind the scenes to seek
an explanation, and was told by his
stage manager, "Itsall right, now sir;
the eighteen penny waves were giving
the shilling waves licking"
NEW YORK Graphic: Julia Ward
Howe says that women are too often
misunderstood, because, unlike men,
they bear their greatest trials in silence.
Go up head, Julia. If man has boot
that pinches his foot he'll keep the re-
cording angel as busy as boy in the
preserve closet, while woman suffering
from the same cause will never say
word about it, and if she is caught UNI
warily limping, two to one she'll turn
around with sweet smile of innocence
irradiating her countenance, and ask if
an insole wouldn't prevent her shoe
Topping at the heel and wearing out her
stocking.