Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1877-10-30
T SPECTATOR AND GENERAL ADVERTISER.
Dressing the Baby.

Dressing the Baby.
MANS MEANS AND woMAN's Ways
YOU KNOW HOW TITS YOURSELF.
When woman goes to work to dress
two-year-old child, she does it in a
systematic, business manner, and with
out any noise or fuss, and before you
know it the yOungster is slid out of her
hands with his face washed and hair
combed, his clothing in good order, and
ten-dollar chrome under his arm.
This all comes from knowing how.
With man it is different. He makes
elaborate preparations and puts on the
air of one who is getting an eighty-four
gun-ship ready for two years cruise.
He collects the youngsters buds in a
heap, gathering them up from pretty
much all over the house, and after a
great deal of bawling for this, and sharp,
swapping inquiries for that. and an un
limited amount of getting down on his
knees and searching around under the
furniture for the other (all of which
comes from his having undressed the
child the night before), he at length sits
resignedly down in chair and, with a
| 1VOOlO 1OUOA44P 0U EOOO u0UuAC, Ony
"Come, Freddie, come to papa, and
| have your coses on"
The child, who is just then travelling
around in his night clothes, and playing
with damp towel and stove wrench,
makes bee line for the door, full of a
desire to escape into the next room.
Come, Freddie, come to papa, like a
good boy" says the father, with brave
effort at patience.
| The child kept on his course.
| "Fred!
This sounds so much like business
that the youngster stops, turns, and
tackling slowly up the now stern-brow-
ed parent, gradually gets within reach,
when a sudden grab of his arm brings
him into position where the damp towel
slaps around on the fathers clean shirt
front, and the stove wrench pumps
solidly down upon the very top of his
boot. 'i'7-'-'
Immortal Julius!" he screams in
agony, nursing his foot in one hand and
shaking the poor innocent with the
other whereupon the innocent sets mp
an accompanying yell.
A voice from below, where the wife
and mother is busy with getting break
fast, joins in the chorus:
| O1AASUCbu 41O11CoOu, W udI vi GdTLu
are you doing with that child?n
"Oh, you be darned !" goes back the
quick reply, in short, ugly, desperate
growl that silenced all future inquiry.
Then the father, after rubbing his
foot, and grooming awhile, squares the
child round and begins the process of
dressing him which is mostly made up
of dreadful struggles between clumsy
. fingers and smooth porcelain buttons, a
general misplacing of garments of hind
side before and upside down, searching
! after the missing articles, and talk like
the following:
"Turn arOund!"
"Stand still!'
''Hold your arm upp'
"Thunder and lightning! Can't you
let things be ?"
"Stop reaching ~
''Hold your head up?"
up, l say!"
Cant you keep still ?"
Where's that other shirt ?"
"Shut up"
"Let go!"
"Blast that button"
!, 'Now, where in the blazes is that
: pin ?" -
'Stand up"
"There! by thunder!"
+ why don'tyou fall down and be done
with It'll"
"'.sstop your bowling"
ouch! Devil take that pin !"
"Let that be"
"Behave!"
"Great scat !"
,, "Say, why don't you have four OF
} five thousand more buttons on your
clothes ?"
) "Now, where's that stocking %
. keep your foot still"
3 Say, keep-your--foot-stillD
= "By jove in Jerusalem ~
Gimme the other footu'
, mo, the other!"
Cant you see?'
|, "Santcifed Solomon! what do you
! want to spread your toes all out for
: How do you suppose I'm going to put
> your stockings on with your foot in that
!, shape ?''
. "Stop it,"
Q ''Stop it, I say!"
. "Prow wow ecu! Who stuck
: that pin in that way?"
"You, of course" says cold, thin
!, cutting voice; and he glances up and
sees his wife. looking down on him in q
taunting, exasperating sort of way. "Pd
be ashamed of myself" she continued
ito go on In that way and get SO out OF
patience with little bit of a baby
You've been making noise enough to
wake the dead, and his clothes look as il
they'd been thrown on with pitchfork
, GIMME him ?"
And he gets up sheepishly and sullen-
e ly, and after slamming and stamping
around the house after the liniment bot.
tie, and banging doors and making as
) big noise as he can, he works himself
, into such state of meanness and NOR
J tification that, to spite himself, he goes
off down town without his breakfast
,, Philadelphia World.