The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-06-21
Humorous l,aresraul,s.

- Hood called the sIamming of door
by person in passion, "a wooden
OATH"
"A coroner's verdict i'm Arkansas {:
eve find that he came to his death from
wing to cut out joe Willis in courting
Susie Jackson"
"A japanese student newly arrived
in this country thought we we're all doc
tors, because everybody took his hand
and asked after his health.
- Detroit Free Press lightning rod
men complain of scarcity of purchn.
/ sers." All, would that purchasers could
| complain of scarcity of lightning rod
men.
"Papa," said little Western boy,
"why don't women have whiskers :"
Because. my boy,,' BOY, was the reply, their
to grow"
= Girls have their troubles, but moth
lug is more humiliating to the average
young lady than to be beaten at q game
of croquct by girl who still wears her
Inst years dress.
"The Republican party" says the
Hartford Post, KS no longer child"
No; it may have reached its second child
hood, but it is nevertheless the same old
rogue still.
NO." she replied, and sic biushed
prcttily as she slipped her number skies
back beneath her drcss-"no, do not
wear so small shoe rs ones. My size is
quite largc-I wear twOs"
"Why, Sammy" said father to his
little son lately. 81 didn't know that
your teacher whipped you Friday" II
guess" replied Sammy, "if you had been
in my trowsers you'd know'd it,"
= The journal Of Chemistry says no
one should drink whisky until it is sew
enty years old. When Texas paper
prints the item it reads: "No one should
drink whisky until he is seven years old"
-"You 60 to Shccaggo, hey?" said a
gentleman from Germany. "ycll, you
be bretty careful about dat water dere.
Ef you dor.d want to get seek, you trink
none IL dat water dill you kct used to
him."
- An Irishman recently handed in to
the telegraph Office dispatch intended
to inform another Emeralder employed
upon the public works in q ncghboring
town Of the decease of friend. 1t reads
thus: Barney, come home; / died last
night"
= They have kissing fairs out West
forty cents kiss.-Erchdnge We knew
there was something we were suffering
for. Bring liz along couple of fairs
the fairer the better-and we'll invest, il
we have to do without straw hat all
summer.
= at is astanding rule in my church,
said one clergyman to another, for the
sexton to wake up any man that lie sees
asleep" 81 think" replied the other
chat it would be better for the sexton
} whenever man goes to sleep under youl
preaching, to wake you up"
- A Russian Engineer has invented i,
bomb-proof tower, which is moved about
by steam, and in which artilerists si
and pelt the enemy with destruction
by the time the next war breaks out, the
, warrior will sit in rocking-chair in the
, front parlor of hotel and talk his enc.
mies to death with revolving telephone
in the street. "Old man, that's mine,
said keen looking rascal, $50 hand il
over" "Did yours haye a hole in it?'
asked the old man. EYES," replied the
+ other, smartly. "Then it is not thine
mildly replied the old man, 'thee must
, learn to be little sharper next time. my
boy"
A Scotch clergyman was seen by g
, ncighbor trudging home on one Monday
, morning with e stout fish be had jns
bought, and was accosted with, "Mr
Duncan, did you know that that fish wa
caught on Sunday 2" The minister, il
his characteristic, blunt manner. said
"Wcll, well, the fish is not to blame fo
that, my man,"
- It is said that "the moon has gained
about an inch in rapidity of motion
within the last hundred years. This il
no doubt true, for young men will tel
you that when talking at the gate will
their sweethearts the moon goes dowr
much quicker now than it did when they
were boys waiting to rob watermelon
, patch in the dark.
One of the hardest things within tn;
, range of possibility is TO change the name
of q place. Authorities may decree bu
. people will 60 right on using the ole
name. Fully ten years ago the Japanese
Government ordered that Yeddo, the cap
itol of the Empire, should be called Toxic
But foreign nations, outside of the United
States, insist on using the name Yeddo
and nine-tenths of the people in thi,
country read of Toxic and think it il
some new town.
= The other day small boy arrive,
in Detroit from Eaton county, with &
s3cW pl IEEpnlES
Tney called MIN u "hiarii n;it," out there
but yet he was q very innocent lad com.
pared with the post-office gang. The
boys hero received him kinds, posted
him us we'll as they could, and yesterday
morning he was found in Moffat's alley
as Waite as sheet, and looking like
death on pale horse. "You've beer
trying to learn to chew tobacco, have
your" asked the officer who discovere
him. 81 only c-chewed up one plug Z
replied the lad, rs his teeth knocked I,
gether. ~ think what ails me is The
! smell of these brick buildings, and the
} sight of so much sidewalk. wish wa:
J b-back on f-farm."
- There is nothing which adds sc
much to the beauty and power of man
!, as good moral character. 1t is his
wealth-his inHuence-his life. It dig
niies him in every station, exalts him il
every condition, and glorifies him al
every period of life. Such character /:
more 20 be- desired than everything else
on earth. It makes man free and in.
dependent. No servile tool--croakinE
sycophart-no treacherous honor-seekeI
ever bore such character. The pure
Ijoys of truth and righteousness never
spring in such person. If young men
but knew how much good character
would dignity and exalt them, how glo.
rious 1t would make their prospects, even
in this life; never should we find them
Il yielding to the groYelling and base-born
purposes of human nature.