The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1877-05-31
Jokes OF THE WEEK.


Criminals who try to starve them
selves TO death in Paris are given
nourislme emit through the nostrils.
This nose-eating remedy cures them.
Boston Post.
We suspect that the last LOT of but
ter from our grocer's came from the
Dreaming Iolanthe's head At any
rate we found hair or two in it,
LomeH Courier.
Professor Proctor says the earth is
growing larger. We are glad to hear
it, for real estate has shrank fearfally
i'm the last few years. DanbRry Ae,es.
Eminent but incorporate citizens
who are hereafter invited to dine at
the White House are arranging to
pretend that they are Russians.-Aoi'-
U'ich Balictia.
The young woman who said kissing
was like a sewing machine because 1t
scanned good, evidently alluded to a
sewing machine witha feller. Bricks
Jurg Times.
An Atlantic girl sat on her lovers
hat and kept him three hours over time.
The next time that young man goes
to see his girl he should hang his hat
on "A nail, instead Of holding il on his
Those glorious summer ntghts are
coming when a lover whispers i'm
passionei words in the dreamy ear of
a favored maiden aud feels his under
shirt sticking to him closer than a
brothcr-.N. y. TiIbG8e.
Many il the woman who wishes she
were married, that she might make a
fuss, get divorced, and have her name
sent by telegraph all over the country.
But we can't all be actresses. Roch-
ester Democrat.
An Iowa tramp, who had inst filed
a successful application for dinner
II
left the table without eating bit, be-
cause the man of the house took but
ter with his own knife Rtaiiagfoa
HutHkcye.
Perhaps the happicSt moment in a
mans life is when he wakes up with
a collar that won't stay buttoned be-
hind, TO find that i only dream,
and remembers that he kicked the
collar under the bed when he retired.
oil Tfty Dcrfirk.
The painful perplcxity and indecis.
ion of the young lady who has the
ankle of Il Nenu. bat foot like an
ironing board, AZ She clutches hei
dress and step. on a muddy crossing
the 81 LIST tlil. W know Of
Brookti2e J@B' rspai" !.
1t is AL very fine to laugh at won.
ans tantrunS when Il morse makes
its appearance rear her skirts. but
! little inerr,ment Sh uld ht>res rye fol
| the man who Hays circus " hi +;
June hug Is walking up the inside o.
| his clothing with the slow and meas
urel step ~ a lay laborer. - Turner,
/ Fats Rp0rt,f.
An English bride walked from tn,
church door to the altar on carpet o
evergreens Powered with roses, lille
and violets; but it won't be IL yea
before she will he scratching her has
bands back with an old clothcs-brusl
in the most proSaic and satisfyin:
manner Worcester Press.
Music has a won lerful power owe
the passions. The man who couldn
set tub ont under the caves To catcl
rainwater for his vile without grumb
ling in a most profhne way, stood 70
"A half hour in the rain without al
| umbrella, and listened to the minstre
L-..,a esa tt'~ ia~tsi fsis...a., with "a fac.
in docile reposc.-Danbury Ncrs
Science says the human voice Ia
niue perfect tones, bnt these can b,
combined into l-,5g2.OiI.ili Iifercn
sounds. This is evidently random
calculation, for when young lady a
a picnic get> a piach-bug on her neck
and sets up "a series Of yel'-, yol ar
| willing to swear that the human
voice j. capable OF at least Is ,h5l ,O72
| 90, 003, 900 different sounds. - Norris
| tpaa Herdfi.
Thank Heaven, the pacific polio,
has succeeded, and entire and pcrtec
accord and reconciliation now reign
| throughout the South. When "A col
orcd member OF the South Carolina q
Louisiana Legislature rises to aidres
the Speaker, or asks for his pay, he j.
only expelled, hy a rising vote, 70
contempt. Formerly it was the Gus
1 tom to shoot him. What. no, withou
| here, guards, Fire another hundre,
guns over here-tored T'nion. -Utwk
Eyt.
A correspondent says lac don't he
| lieye DIR. Mary Walker can snOrc a
good as man. He i certainly no
right. The question il, what j. ex
ccllcnce in this, particular Granted
that the doctor cannot produce tn,
round, sonorous eIoqence or this ma.
ture peculiar to the opposite sex but
in grace, in the higher notes, ia -il
very accent in the quavcr and semi
quaver i'll technique. she would Ger
tainly go far beyond the grand bu
necessarily awkward effortsofthc NAL,
person.-Rochester Drmocrat.