The Van Buren press., 1877-08-07

horse that ever was hauled out to dc bone
yard
The gentcel old man carefully placed
his hat in secure position as he sal
down to the restaurant table, half apollo,
getically retnarkng to the stranger beside
him-'I never like to see people eating
with their hats on mol" replied The
stranger; "neithef do l. II amt polite y
And removing his own unprepossessne
tile from his head, he carefully placed il
on the table before him And yet, after
ALL the gentee old gentleman didn't seem
to enjoy bis dinner any better for the
mans hat being off.
John" inquired dominic Of hope.
full pupil what is a mailer 7" \ man who
makes nails, replies young hopeful, quite
readily. .'Veay good! Now what is q
talor2' "One who makes qails, "Oh
you bockhead r said the dominic biting
his lips; ga man who makes tails did
you ever?' To be sure quoth Hopeful
il the tailor ddn' I put tails to the coats he
made, they would all bejaekfts'' "Ah
we'll to be sure, didn't think Of that
replied the domino.
There is difference between happiness
and wisdom he that thinks himself the
happiest man, really is so; but he who
thinks himself the wisest, is generally the
greatest fool.
A man much addicted TO drinking be
ing extremely i'll with fever, Il consulta.
-. I,,l,1 Ii, l. 81
physicians, how to "cure the fever and
abate the thirst Gentlemen said he,
III will take half the trouble off your
hands. Youcure the fever, and II abate
the thirst myself
Gail to the chiefw enthusiastically
exclaimed ii Eiiton, rs he took The hand
of Rutherford b. Tt the White House.
"Webh, my son! T Indignantly exclaimed
Mrs Hayes, tell that man that this is
strictly temperance house, and that q viii
oblige me by not passing any ale to the
chief of this establishment
A minister was talking to young girl
who was about to become q hnde, that
she must remember that the man and wo,
man are one, Lord said she, il you
were under my father and mothers vim
dow when they are quarreling you'd
think there were at least a dozen.
It a great misfortune to have fretlul
disposition. 1t takes the fragrance out
of ones life, and leaves only weeds where
cheerful disposition would cause flowers
to bloom. The habit of fretting is one
that grows rapidly unless il be sternly
depressed; and the best way TO overcome
it is to try alwaysto look on the cheerful
side of things.
allow to Tell Mad Dog is the title
OF an article that is going the rounds
We haven't anything to tell &c mad dog
that we couldn't aend him Oh a posta
card.
Turn thine eyes unto thyseP, and be
ware thou Judge not the deeds Of othel
men In judging Of Others man laboretl
in vain, often erresh, and easily sinneth
but in judging and in discussing Of him
self, he always laborcth fruitiuly.
aHie facet" said Mrs. Partington, mus
ingly, as she put down the dictionary
and it means, 'Haer lies. Dear, dear
what one may do, never know it, | sup
pose must have Kicked jacket more'n
thousand times during the last politica
champagne, and never suspieioned it,
~ apologize for saying you could no
open your mouth without putting you
foot in it," said the editor, regarding
the herse-whip she held ovel his head
81 solemnly assure you that when | sal
it. had no idea Of the size Of you
foot"
Whatever may be said of woman
right to vote and legislate, her right t
bare arms is unGnestionable.
This is the latest form Of wedding in
yitations. "Come around aud see IN
capture mother in law at o'cloe
sharp"
IT isnot charity to beg everywhere, fc
charity should begin at home,
Man eories in his strength; woma
glories in her hair. Butter glories !
both.
Some woman, but heap lots Of fool,
was the remark ofan Indian when be sa
the Omaha females put on trails
when six months old. "Yes, said hat
fal brat ola boy, "and you've been goin
it alone ever since"
A Minister was told once by a man tn;
he ad hbaen professor of religion fC
many years, but for ten years had neglec
cd all religious duties but uotwithstal
ding this he bad never given up "h
l.. 4 ~.