The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-02-24

- :.
auusn arsiy...He TsIls che Story or
some az His fthe Innoeent'sl Grimes =.
80 ssro,a the New York .world.l 81 & ~,
+ aae nv your report OF q lecture aeiisef.
cd IN ya,ir nefghborflood very recently that
= hit at. INV private personal history has
been revealed to the public. The lecaurl ,esFi
iyas heatl.waiter OF the Quaker City :ex cur
sion 8, tel, wears ago. do not repeaEais
name for the reason that Tthink he wants a
HttIe notoriety az a basis for intro uctton
10 the lecture platform, and don't Wisn 70
contribute. I harbor this suspicion pe.
cause he calls himself acaptasn OF tnat
The truth is, that as soon as the ship was
fairly at sea he was degraded from MS CAP
taincv bv Mr.. Leary (owner OF the yessei)
and Mr.. Bunsiey executive officer). AS he
was not passenger, and had now ceased to
be an officer, It was something Of puzzle
to define his position. However, as he still
had authority to discharge waiter.boy s-an
authority which the passengers did not pos
:sess-it was presently decided privately
that he must naturally be the ~head,
waiter and thus he was dubbed. During
the voyage he gave orders 70 none but MS rs
underwriters. All the excnrsioAiSts Will
testify to this. 1t may be humorous enough
to cali himself 50 captain but then 1t Is cal-
cnlated TO deceive the public.
The stcaptaln " says that when cane %
engage passage on the Quaker City I
stseemed to be full of whiskey, or some
thing" and filed his office with the !" FUMES o
OF bad whiskey." I hope this true, but 4
cannot say, because it is so long ago; at the
same time am not depraved enough TO de"
af0rtr.Eelr
Dnblic advocate Of total abstinence the
.captain . is mighty good Judge OF whis-
key at secondhand.
He charges that couldn't tell the Quaker
CITY tea from, coffee. Am god, that can
solve the impossibleP
He charges that uttered libel when
said he made this speech at Fourth-of-
.Tuly dinner on shipboard: "Ladles and
gentlemen, may you all live long and pros.
Der. Steward, pass up another basket OF
champagne" ~
swell, the truth is often libel, and this
may be one; yet 1t is the truth neyerthe-
less. r did not publish it with malicious
intent, but because it showed that even
total-abstiuence gladiator can have gentle
instincts when he is removed from hamper
ing home influences. 80.
The "eaptain :" charges that when Icame
to his office to engage passage represented
myself to be Baptist minister cruising
after health. No; Mr.. Edward b. House
told him that without giving me any warn
ing that he was going to dot. But no mat
ter: 7 should have done it. myself ii bad
Thought OF it. Therefore lift this crime
from Mr. Houses shoulders and transfer it
to mine. I was without conscience in
those old days. It had been my purpose
to represent that was II son OF the cap
tain's whom he had never met, and conse-i
quently hadn't classified, and by this means
/ hoped to get free passage; but IWas
saved from this great villainy by the happy
accident of Mr.. Houses getting in his
milder rascality ahead OF me. often shud-
der to think how near I came to satdilng
an old father on to myself forever whom
never could have made any use OF after that
excursion was finished. Still, il | had blm
now, Iwould make him lecture his head OIL
at his customary twenty-five cents before l
would support him in idleness. CONSIDER
idieness an immoral thing for the aged.
Certain of my friends in New York have
been so distressed by the (" captains "
charges against me that they have simply
forced me to come out in print. But find
myself in 8 great difficulty by reason Of the
fact that don't find anything in the charges
that discomforts me. Why should worry
over the "bad Whiskey p" was poor-I
couldn't afford good whiskey. How could
know that the "captain was 80 partic-
ular about, the quality of mans liquor?
didn't know he was puriSt in that mat
ter, and that the difference between scent
and Accent teddy would remain arankling
memory with him for ten years.
The tea and champagne items do not trou-
bic me, both being true and harmless. The
Baptist-minister fraud does not give me any
anguish, since did not invent it.
What need, now that. I am going into
rrint, is text. These little things do not
furnish It. Why does the "captain - make
no mention of the highway-robbery which
committed on the road between Jerusalem
and the Dead Sea? He'must have heard OF
1.-THE land was full of il. Why does he
make no mention Of the fact that during
the entire excursion I never drew sober
breath except by proXyP Why does he
conceal the fact that killed cripple in
Cairo because / thought he had an I'M
pleasant gait? Why is he silent about my
skinning leper in Smyrna in order that
might have little something to start mu-
scum with when got home? What is the
use Of making s'charges" out of mans
few little virtuous actions when the man has
committed real indiscretions by the dozen?
But where is the use in bothering about
what mans character was ten years ago,
anyway? Perhaps the captain values bis
character of ten years ago? Inever have
heard of any reason why he, should; but
still he may possibly value it. No matter.
I do not value my character Of ten years
ago. can go out any time and buy better
one for half it cost me. In truth, my cha
acter was simply in course OF construc-
ton then. I hadn't anything up but
the scafolding, 80 to speak. But have
finished the edifce now, and taken down
that worm eaten scaffolding. have flu.
ished my moral edifce, and frescoed and
furnished 1t, and am obliged to admit that
it is one of the neatest and sweetest things
of the kind that Iohaye ever encountered.
I greatly value it, and would feel like re-
senting any damage done to it. But that
old scaffolding is no longer of any use to
me; and inasmuch as the "captain " seems
able to use it to advantage, hereby make
HIM O present OF it. tits q little shaky, OF
course, but IL he will patch 1t here and there
he will find that 1t is still superior to any
thing of the kind he can scare up upon his
own premises. ..sla1s MARK TWAIN.
There's maiden up the avenue
SIC her every day..
She has stolen she has sioIen1 ! Z.
Stolen my heart away. -Erf:}.r.a