Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-02-08
SENSE AID NONSENSE.


bush.
THERE is great deal of form in
newspaper office.
A LITTLE boys first pair of trousers al
ways fit, if the pockets are deep enough.
A GERMAN writer advises American
girls to marry American men for true
happiness.
A GOOD, handsome wife can be pur-
chased in Circassia for something less
than 1000.
EVERY man should own dog. If he is
quiet man, yellow dog would certain
ly be the best.
THE first letter will hereafter be dropped
from Slaughter's Station, the locality of
the Bennett-May duel.
THE Burlington Ha0k-Eye speaks with
some haste and nervousness of Crossing
ton washing the Delaware.
THE pistols used in the late duel We're
covered with basket work and charged to
the muzzle.-ROctester Democrat.
MEXICAN editors don't care about an
extended circulation. The few subscrib-
ers they have, the fewer times they are
shot at
IT is a queer country that allows Dr.
Schliemann to go about breaking open the
tombs of respectable old people like Aga
memnOn.
THERE isn't much danger of sunstroke
at this season; Duta sponge in the hat may
prevent the top of the head from being
frost-bitten.
An Irishman giving his testimony in a
court in a riot case said: 'The first man [
saw coming at me, when | got up, was
two brickbats."
A YOUNG man in San Francisco put out
one of his eyes while taking off a shirt, a
spiral stud doing the mischief. Moral:
Never wear a shirt.
IT is getting so unreliable that you can't
believe half the telegraph says lately, and
when friend sends message for money
it is best to pay no attention to it,
A MEDICAL book is now in press which
was nearly ready year ago, but the au
thor held it back all this time to wait for
the death of a man of whose singular case
he wished an autopsy.
Two acquaintance meeting Oh wet
day, one greeted the other with: g Beau
tiful rain, this! Fetching things out of
the ground" Second friend, disconso-
lately: Hope not, sir; hope not. Got
two wives there, STRIP
Mrs. SPILKINs, who had been reading
about the masked robbers, threw down
her paper the other evening and thought
fully remarked that it wasn't strange that
Mr. Gladstone had sold 10000 copies of
his book on the Burglarian Atrocities"
A BENEVOLENT person at Danbury,
Conn, sent to the New York Tribune
anonymously $500 " to be put where it
would do the most good" The editor,
although he might justly have consumed
the same III riotous living, gave it to the
poor
AN experienced lady observes that
good way to pick out a husband is to see
how patiently he waits for dinner when it
Is behind time. Her husband remarks
that good way to pick, out wife is tc
see whether the woman has dinner ready
in time.
TT used to be the boast of the Mississippi
River Captains that their boats could run
anywhere where light dew had fallen.
For that matter, though, some of our
ocean steamers have been running consid.
erably Ovcr-dew of late.-N. 7. CONNER
c5at Ad0e1ttSer.
A BIT OF TEXAN HUMoR.-"A young
man at Kembcrs Bluff, in this State, " says
q Texas paper, acquired the habit of
tossing a cooked pistol in the air and
catching it by the muZzle as it fell. The
last time he caught it was just moment
before he died"
els MY breakfast ready?" said an i'm
patient young man who was trying to get
his morning meal at beer saloon. "Don't
know" said the waiter, "I'll whistle up
and see" Heavens, no, don't do that.
/ ordered sausage, and if you whistle
you'll have the whole lot down r'-New
Ortelns Republican.
THE son of poor but honest parents,
living on MunsOn street, logged up a
basket of potatoes from the cellar the
other evening to set them by the
stove to keep them from freezing.
pher, he extracted comfort from it. He
said: g [ am glad pa is poor man. If
he was rich he'd have laid in his potatoes
by the barrel instead of by the peck. y
Daa6u2Y Ne1Os.
JAMES LAMONT, F. G. s., F. R. G. S.,
writes TO the London Times a letter con-
GLIDING: g beg to express my firm be-
lief, founded on all | have seen, on all I
have heard and on all have read, that all
around the North Pole, as around the
South Pole, there lies an eternal mass of
ice 600 miles in diameter and perhaps
miles thick in the center. And, further,
| do not believe that either ship, sledge,
man, beast, bird or balloon will ever get
across it."
THE Journal Of Commerce has been in
vestigating the length of time it takes to
transmit a message over the Atlantic Ca
bic. The first signal is felt in four tenths
of a second; but the following one goes
through more rapidly. AS many as sew
enteen words have been sent over the At
lantic cable in one minute. Fifteen can
easily be sent under pressure; and twelve
words minute is a good working rate A
fact not yet explained by the scientists is
that the electricity does not move so rap
idly from New York to London as in the
opposite direction.
THE Williams College Atheneum says
"A student being DESTROYS of learning
whether there was any truth in the state
ment that Seneca was addicted to drunk
enness, opened an illustrated encyclopedia,
and, having found the name of the cele-
brated philosopher, the first object that
met his gaze was a wood-cut, beneath
which were the words: Seneca after an
ancient bust The ardent investigator,
finding his worst fears confirmed, looked
no further, but, heaving a sigh at the frail-
ity of the ancients, laid aside the volume
that had thus revealed to him the truth. -
Modern Penmanship.