Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-12-26

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cheerfulness to understand its value in
daily life. Such man would improve
the very first opportunity to grind the
cheerfulness out of his house. TO friehten
q sunbeam into shadow, and then
wonder what the deuce was the matter.
Such man is not better than no hus-
band at.all, and when you want q hus-
band go find somebody else-somebody
that will give you at least some chance
to be happy and help others to be hap
| Ply far into the life beyond the honey
Humsr.
The MacMahon coon climbs down at
last, chattering, "d-d-don't: shoot !''
Clay Crawford rises vehemently to re-
mark that he is not Osman Pasha-not
much
There is hint Of unspoken pathos, a
touch of patient suffering and resigna-
ton, in the birth notice from the Marys-
vile Appeal: I'm this city, August 9,
to the wife of William Lea, son-not
tMins this time"
An advertisement in New York Jour
nal for corset pressers" brought replies
from 267 stalwart young men who earn
estly offered their services gratis. They
may have misunderstood the matter
Stamford Aduocats
Edmund Kimball, of Chicago, is the
champion wiper-out of church debts.
He got a Chicago church out of a debt
$4,000 deep, few weeks ago, in eight
hours work Will Brother Kimball
please come down to Burlington and
sit up with the subscriber four or five
hours Burlington Hawkeye SO s'
Says .Sambo 'Heah's a duel, De streams u
run with goah.
For Goahdon he will call i'm out and shoot i'm
right straight frew.
If Conking kin kerrect I'm right on de Senate flo
Every time he happens to remark what isn't
true
One of the most versatile ladies that
ever graced Deadwood stage" has packed
her kit, Git out from the land of the
bowling wilderness, and is en- route for
Chicago where she will ''chaw" scenery
and "Whoop it up on old Terpsichore
So says the Black Hills newspaper.
Senator Davis has introduced bill to
establish Court of Appeals. That is
what this country needs; something to
suppress this nefariOus traffic in apples
that are fair to look upon in the top
laye while in all the rest of the barrel
the worms have such majoaitv that on
division of the house they can out
vote the apples seven to one.-Bwkng-
tom Haaukege
A little Ottawa miss, taken to church
for the first time, was duly impressed
with the necessity that she should keep
'as still as a mouse" She behaved
herself until the preacher became warm
ed up to his work. and then she raised
her finger, and, looking straight at him,
cried: See here, don't you make so
much noise
It was at charity ball; the girl was
pretty and exquisitely dressed. She
said: "Now, Mir, don't put my
name IN the paper, nor tell what I had
on [ have worn this dress once before,
and it's horribly old. | was going to
have French dress from Worth's but
it didn't get here, SO / had to wear this
Now mind don't put my name In the
paper, but, if you do, send me SIX
1t seems to be the ambition of all
young wives to look well when any one
calls. Yesterday a South Side bride
heard a ring at the front door. The
maid was out, and she rushed up stairs
to ''fix up a little before admitting the
caller. There, was a moment of light
ming work before the dressing case.
Quicker than it takes us to tell it, a rib
bon was fastened at her throat, flower
stabbed into her hair, a flash of powder
on her face, and she was at the door, all
smiles and bushes. The gentleman
said he had walked from Memphis, and
couldn't remember that he had tasted
food since he left Cincinnati Oil City
Derrick. 8 4se
A lovorsick chap, who gave himself
away to Barn,m's fat girl last summer,
sends the following to the Graphic:
My darling one
f so Weighs most a ton;
1t must be fun
sA To hold that bun
DIE on your knee.
IF Il was large
AS Mount Kearsarge,
With her discharge
From Barnum's charge,
I'd happy be.
It is remarked by the Washington
Republican, that 200 newspapers have
died in that city. Drop tear-don't
smile.-Several years-quite while
Evermore onward. Into the Valley of
Bust .Tramped the Two hundred Dead
beats to right of them, Deadbeats to left
of them, Deadbeats in front of them.
Mum bled and maundered; Editors crazy
made, Spent all the stamps they had
foolish two hundred. Oh, the wild
charges they made! Oh, the bills Con-
gress paid Hence they didn't seem
afraid, They would run ona shoal, When
they'd be foundered; Dollars-whap
heaps they had! Some of them ''of os
dad" Paper bills just as bad. Paid for
"govment ad," Got by pure cheek
from the Nation they plundered. Ye'
they are gone! Oh, sad! Lovely wv
hundred! nga
mSealskin sacks are. worn longer