Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1877-01-04
Orthodox or Nothing.

Here is good one on the Episco-
palians, which, so far as the writer is
aware, has never yet appeared in
print, and therefore we contribute it
tor the benefit of the Drawer.
AWAY out West in - State, in
the valley of the Mississippi, at time
not very remote, when men were more
intent on "raking In the filthy" than
securing an interest in the bank of
glory everlasting, a jealous missionary
of the persuasion aforesaid found him.
self in community whose religious
views were no less manifold and con.
Trajectory than was TO be expected
from persons representing every
phase of UNCONVENTIONAL life. Find
ing ont the three or four communi-
cants belonging to his Church, the
missionary gave notice of on "Epis-
copal service" for that evening in the
school house, and cordially invited
everybody to attend. OF course to
the large majority of the inhabitants
this was something entirely novel
indeed, the passage of a circus
through the village, or the actual halt
of minstrel troupe, could not have
created a profoundev sensation-and
so at an early hour they commenced
gathering in knots of two or three,
discussing "as to what kind of darn'd
thing it was a-goin' to be-"
Prominent among the female por-
ton of the throng was an aged sister,
who enlightened the others by stating
that it was regular sarmint they
were a-goin' to have, and no con-
founded niger tumblin'. But the
'sarmint'' was to be after the "'Pis-
copal" fashion. of which she had hearn
tell when a girl, but had never seen;
and as it was something bad, she be-
lieved, she was there to interrupt him
if he didn't preach orthodox.
Seating herself on the front bench,
she eyed the preacher closely, and
Just before he commenced the ser.
mon and while arranging his robes,
she beckoned him to her, and informed
him she was there to interrupt him if
he didn't preach orthodox.
"Well, madam" he replied, "you
won't interrupt me if | do preach or
thodox p
"Oh no. that | won't" she ear
nestly exclaimed, "but if you don't,
though, Pll interrupt, and expose you
for sure -
Now to make the exercises 90 off
with some degree of Episcopal deco
rum the congregation was literally
supplied with prayer-books, and the
few communicates were instructed to
circulate among the people, find the
places" for the uninitiated, and lead
IN the responses.
Then rose the minister, aud the
prodigal's resolve, II will arise and
go to my father" etc., commenced
the service, and won the old lady's
heart, for it was her favorite passage,
read and prayed over often because of
a hayward boy. Next in order was
the ''exhortation," in which she heard
Objectionable and then came
the confession of sins. Right behind
her one of the communicates afore-
said united his voice with the minis
ter's, and had gotten as far as 1--WE
nave erred and strayed from Thy
ways like lost Sheep etc., when the
Did lady turned and in an audible
whisper said, "Hush hush that's
all right; let the man have a chance
to speak !" Lowering his voice, he
kept comparatively quiet until the
creed was reached, and here he
thought, sin the credo / must set an
example, and confess Christ before
men in the MAGNIFICENT yet simple Il
believe of all the Christian centu-
ries."
BY this time the self-appointed con-
servator of orthodoxy was in no mood
to be trifed with, and so, while her
hand firmly grasped her umbrella she
said, in ones.sternly emphatic, "Look
a-hyar, you durn'd cuss didn't tell
you that was all right? an hyar you
have been chatterin' every blessed
mint since. Now you ought to be
ashamed of yourself, and l don't want
you to jaw any more tonight. That's
enough for any body"
The minister took in the situation,
and being a practical man, "pitohed
in" and gave them red hot eytem-
pore discourse, which the old lady,
before she was aware, Endorsed with
a whole series of honest amens,
At the conclusion she felt bound to
apologize for her conduct before and
during the service, and so, seizing
both his hands. she thanked him for
his Gospel sermon in language as
unique as her manner was hearty:
''You see, Mister, we warnt sure OF
yo1; we only had hearn tell of you
'Piscopals afore, an we were kind Of
skeered like but it's all right now,
an | want to tell you that had moth
ing to do with those rowdes back
there who interrupted the service.
Now we've had Locus preachers
here, but we've never had any of You
'Piscopus preachers afore; and you
do preach orthodox and you can
come here any time you want 10, and
preach all night if you choose-if you
do wear your shirt outside your
breaches.