The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1877-08-15

Mark Twain's Latest Joke.
Cor Boston Herald
Hartford, July PA good story
about Mark Twain is just beginning to
leak out. Some time ago he went on
visit to Elmira, n. y, leaving his quaint
house among the trees on Pennington
avenue in charge Of his servants. Nearly
two weeks ago an item was published IN
the Hartford daily papers chronicling an
Intellectual attempt to rob the humorlsts
residence The story was that a man
presented himself at the door one day,
saying that he had been sent by the gas
company to inspect the meter and pipes
The servant, who had not the slightest
suspicion, allowed the stranger to enter
and do as he pleased. When he supposed
no one was watching his movements, he
mid himself in a dark corner (Of which
there are many In the old chalet and
waited for darkness. But the girl, who
had watched his movements, went and
procured assistance, and had this intruder
q bouI ced " without ceremony. When
Mr. Clemens heard this story in Elmlra,
he thought he smelled a very large rat,
and fastened to Hartford for the purpose
of ferretting it out. His theory was that
one of the servant girls must have had
beau, who was admitted to the house at
unusual hours, and.that, being caught in
the act, this means of concealing the real
truth of the case was adopted. With all
the sagacity of an exjournalist he follow
ed his clue, but could not establish the
theory he had formed.
But while pursuing his investigation he
learned that one of the girls, who had
been a member of the family a long time,
was really guilty Of having male adj
mirer, who had occasionally shared the
hospitality of the house, unknown to the
proprietor. She was buXom English
girl, with handsome form and bright,
cheerful face Faithful in the performance
of her duties, and always sOlicitous for the
| best interests of the family, she had made
herself almost invaluable to the household.
| The high esteem in which Mr.. Clemens had
ALWAYS held her no doubt influenced his
course. He was sorrow to part with the
girl, who had served him we'll, but, see
| ing no other alternative, quickly matured
a plan that should 'Elet her down easy.
After a long hunt he succeeded in dis
covering the young fellows name. When
that was gained Mr.. Clemens went down
and procured marriage certificate. Re
turning he stopped at the residence OF the
Rev. Mr.. Twitchell, pastor of the Asy-
lum Street church, and took him into his
carriage. Arriving home, the first thing
who soon appeared, somewhat frightened
| =.
general appearance of decay it was evi
dent that his circumstances were not
those of violent prosperity. When he
was brought up Mark braced up anc
tried to look dignifed. This is about the
dialogue that ensuedi
Marx: So, young man, you have beer
in the habit of making hotel of my
housewife all the modern improve
ments. Silence unbroken by the young
man Well, as you don't offer any
objections, we'll take that part of the mat
ter for granted. If your offence had stop
ped at that point, it would have been al
right. | am glad to entertain company
yes, if you had mentioned it [ woulC
have had the house re furnished for you
All that, and more, | would have dom
gladly for guest. But when you
dignity and pathos when you alienat
the affections of Maria Jane, when yol
descend upon this peaceful fold with bas
designs-like a wolf in sleeps clothing
as it were-that | cannot forgive.
Y. NJ with humility: If you please
/ sir, amt got no Sleeps clothing.
, Mark Examining the fabric of tn
e young mans coat; All, l perceive m.
2 error; it is cotton not wool. However,
e was speaking metaphorically. As init
! mated before, ! cannot endure TIL
e thought of having my home, which, unit
f YOUR fell presence, had been the abod
/ of innocence, turned into kennel Q
; wrong doing. When you sought tina
d end, you not only wounded me mortalIy
d but you aroused my wrath; you, youn
r man, when I'm mad Pm a bad crowd. /
e the first throes of my passion l wa
e doubtful whether to have you arreste
t for murder il the first degree, or
y At this point the young man shove
e symptoms of terror. ''But," continue
l. Mar k, cit suddenly occurred to me that
certain Pennsylvania Judge-Joe BraC
l. ley, believe-once ruled that in case
+ of arson, the fellow must marry the girl
h aud so l conclude that you must answt
to the crime of arson; in other words
} you must get hitched to Maria Jane.
e Apparently, Marks victim was reliey
=, ed, but he WAS still doubtful. He said
r eff you please, sir, I'd be glad to MARI
5 Maria, but l couldn't support her.
e amt got no money, and can't get n
IS work. l mean to marry her, some tim
Is sir, honest and true l do"
.. Mark: That's altogether too thin, your
n man. You marry Maria right here an
# now, or up you 60 for arson.
e, Y. NJ: Well, sir, if it comes to tina
n, of course, I'll marry her.
e. Mark: That's the kind Of talk / lik
st Here Twitchell! Maria Jane! Con
l. here
ID And the two people named, followt
n by the other servant, entered the room
IN the marriage ceremony was Performs
j. and Mark and the second girl signed tt
is certificate as witnesses. After that Ma
e. paid the minister, gave the couple $40
y. in cash, and set them adrift with an i
lie junction-which, by the way, he ascrib'
* to Hoyle-to Ego and sin no more"
of SLEER.