St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-02-02
A Patent Bouncer.

able, complete and convenient editorial
rooms in America. They are finished
off with little invention which will be
of untold value to the profession of
journalism when it is generally adopt
ed, and we know that it will rapid V
come into universal use as soon as its
merits are understood aud appreciated.
We believe it fully equal, in all that
the term implies, to the famous Bog
ardess Kicker, less liable to get out OF
order, and less easily detected by casu-
al visitors. 1t is known as "Middle-
ribs Automatic Welcome" The sane
tum is on the same floor as the news
room, being separated from it by Il
partition. in which is cut large win
dow, easily opened by an automatic ar
rangement. The editors table is placed
in front of that window and near the
head of the stairs, and on the side of
the table next the window, directly
opposite the editor, the visitors chair
is placed. 1t has an inviting look about
it, and its entire appearance is guile
less and commonplace. But the strip
of floor on which that chair rests is a
deception and fraud. 1t is an end
less chain, like the floor of a horse
power, and is operated at will by the
editor, who has merely to touch Il
spring in the floor to set il i'll motion.
Its operation can best be understood
by personal inspection.
Yesterday morning about 10 O'Clock
MIR. Bostwick came i'll with a funny
story to tell. He naturally Topped
down into the chair that had the
strongest appearance of belonging to
some one else and began in his unusual
happy vein: "I've got the richest
thing-oh ha, ha, ha the best thing
oh, by George! can't-oh ha, ha,
ha! Oh! it is too good On! by George,
the richest thing! Oh! it's too good
You must never tell where you got-oh,
by George. | can't do it! It's too good
You know the-oh, by George, ca
Here the editor touched the spring,
and nail-grab under the bottom of
the clair reached swiftly up and caught
Mr.. Boswick by the cushion of his
pants, the window flew up, and the
noiseless belt of floor gliding on its
course bore the astOniShed Mr.. Bost
wick through the window out into the
newsroOm, half way down to the cases,
where he was received with great ap-
| plause by the delighted compositors.
| The window had slammed down as
soon as he had passed through, and
when the editorial foot was withdrawn
from the spring and the nail grab re-
sumed its accustomed place, young
Mr. Bostwick found himself so kind of
out of the sanctum, like it might be,
that he went slowly and dejectedly
down the stairs, as it were, while
amazement sat upon his brow, like.
The next casual visitor was Mr.. AL
exis Flaxeter, the critic. He had IL
copy of the Hawk-Eye in his hand,
with all the typographical errors mark
ed in red ink, and his face was Sc
wreathed in smiles that it was impos-
sible to tell where his mouth ended
and his eyes began. He took the va
cant chair and spread the paper out
before him, covering up the editors
manuscript. "My keen vision and del
icate sense of accuracy" he said, care
the greatest crosses of my life. Now,
here you see is a-n The spring
clicked softly, like an echo, to the i'm
patient movement of the editors foot
the nail-grab took hold like bulldog
helping a Burlington troubadOur over
the garden fence, the chair shot back
through the window like meteor, and
the window came down with slam
that sounded like wooden giant get
ting off the shortest bit of profanity
known to man and all was silent again
Mr.. FlaXeter sat very close to the frost
ed window, staring blankly at the
clouded glass, seeing nothing that
could have offered any explanation OF
what he would have firmly believed
was land slide, had he not heard the
editor, safe in his garden den, softly
whispering, eve shall meet but we
shall miss him.
Then there was Il brief interval OF
quiet in the sanctum, and rustling OF
raiment was heard on the stairs. A
lovely woman entered, and stood un-
awed in the editorial presence. The
E. P, on its part, was rather nervous
and uncomfortable. The lovely woman
seated herself in the fatal chair. She
slapped her little gripsack on the table
and opened her little subscription book
She said 81 am soliciting cash eontri-
butiOns-strictly, exclusively and per-
emptOrily, cash contributions-to pay
off the church debt and buy an organ
for the mission church of the FolorI
Strangers, and ] expect" There
are times when occasion demands grea
effort. The editor bowed his head
and after one brief spasm of remorst
felt for the secret spring. The window
went up like a charm the reckless
nail grab hung back for a second as i
held by feeling of mate delicacy, anC
, then it shut its eyes and smOthered its
Dity, and reached up and took a death.
like hold on bundle of able and in
f1uential newspapers and a network o
string and tape, and the calvacadt
backed out into the newsroom will
colOrs flying. The chair stopped jus
! before the familiar spirit who wai
washing the forms, and as the lovely
woman gazed at the inky face sh,
, shrieked, 'Merciful heavens! where
am II" and was borne down thu
gloomy stairway unconscious, while
! the printers whose cases were neares
the wicked window heard the edito
, singing as it might be to himself
dearest sister, thou has left u.s."
, An hour of serenity and tranquility
in the editorial room was broken by ;
J brisk business like step on the stairs
the door flew open with bang tina
i, shot the key halfway across the room
and sociable-l looking, familiar kind o
stranger jammed into the chair, slappe'
his hat over the inkstand, pushed
, pile of proof, 20 pages of copy, box o
+ pens, the paste-cup and pair of scis
sors off the table, to make room for tn