The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-07-13
VARIETIES.

without its tender.
-"How to tell a mad dog" is the It'll,
of an article that is going the rounds. w
haven't anything to tell q mad dog that
we couldn't send him on postal card.
"A livery stable horse fell dead in Bal
timore while going to funeral 1t is sup
posed the driver over-exerted the ANNA
in trying to keep up with the hcarse.-
Norristoaon Herald.
The right kind of a boy with pea
| shooter can take q mans mind off his
business troubles and politics quicker than
anything else in this bleak, cold world
Burlington Hasokeye.
-"Look here, Pete" said knowing
darkey, "don't STAN dar, on dc railroad
"Why Joe?" Cease, if do cars see dat
mouf OBJ yourn dey think it am de depot,
and might run rite in"
"A saloon-keeper has named his resort
"Nowhere, so that when his married Gus,
toners went homo late, and their wives
wanted to know where they had been, they
could safely tell the truth.
-"Remember, whom you aye talking to,
sir" said an indignant parent to refrac-
tory boy, 81 am your father" "Well, who's
to blame for that ?" said the young imper-
Thence, "taint me-"
-"Just my luck" said a waiting. maid,
sadly. "Here | am in family where
every one has love-affair on hand, and
leaves letters lying about opened, and l
can't read"
"A youth refused to take pill. His
crafty mother thereupon secretly placed the
pill in preserved pear and gave it to him.
Presently she asked: tom, have you eat
en- the pear ?" He replied: Eyes mother;
all but the Seed"
When the foreman of Cleveland pa
per calliopes down the tin telephone for
"more copy" the editor calmy blows the
foam back from the edge of halfgallon
measure and replies in an unruflled tone ::
Hammer down another Black Sea on the
war map, and give it to 'em again."
(which is the most valuable-experi-
ence or instinct ?" was the subject up for
discussion at country debating society
recently. One member said experience
teaches us to back up to a hot stove when
we are cold, but when our coat tails catch
fire instinct is the boss.-N01Tist0aD Ho,'-
ALL.
"A Minneapolis man has sued widow
for ten thousand dollars damage to his
business for not marrying him. lie says
she promised to do so, and to please her
he gave up his business of liquor selling,
at an estimated loss as above stated.
-"John," said careful father, "don't
give Cousin Simmons horses too many
oats-you know they have hay" "Yeth
thur" said John, moving toward the barn.
"And bark ye, John-don't give them too
much hay you know they have oats"
81 would rather vote for the devil
than you," was what an American sover-
eign told q candidate in saloon. But in
case your friend should not come forward"
said the unabashed aspirant for office,
"might then count upon your assistance"
The glass glanced from off his cheek and he
passed out.
-"Who is he ?" said passer-by to a
policeman, who was endeavoring to raise
an intoxicated individual who had fallen
into the gutter. Cant say, sir!" replied
the policeman; she can't give an account
of himself" "Of course not ?" replied the
other, show can you expect an account
from man who has lost his balance p
The colored people held meeting few
days ago in Caldwell county, to pray for
rain. One brother was called on, who
prayed after this manner so Lord God
us poor niggers is perishing dis year, an
eff you don't glib us rain we will perish
next year, too. So, good Lord, glib us rain.
Don't glib us one OBJ desc little slippy-
slappies, but do, good Lord, glib us one of
dem gully washers and trash. movers
Lenior ~ @. Topic.
"A prospective father-in-law makes in
quiries concerning his respective son-in-
law of a friend The replies are of the
most satisfactory character till the friend
says frankly: "Stll, must admit that
he has one grave defect" "What is that
Does he play the accordion 2" "He does
not know anything about gambling."-
"Why, that is not defect, it is virtue"
Eyes, but you see he CANDLES all the
same"
Brother Gardener was asked whether
he thought it was better for man to put
u dollar in the bank than to hide it away
at home. "Put it in the bank, sah," was
his prompt reply, "put it in de bank for
two reasons.
"De fust reason it kind o. lifts you up
in society 10 have money in dc bank"
De mex reason is, you kin let it lay in de
bank till the cashier ees kind o. lost track
O. yer face, an say:
81 guess I'll take out dat 5000 to-day"
He'll hand de cash over, you hez de CAPT
tai to go into business, and de goose hangs
high. Least-ways dat's my idee bout
bankin."
"A slave in the West indies, who had
been married to another slave by one of
the missionaries, at the end of three weeks
brought his wife back to the clergyman,
and desired him to take her again. The
clergyman asked what was the matter with
her 2
"Why, massa she no cook. The book
says, she obey me, she no wash my clothes,
she no do what want her to do"
But the book says you were TO take
her for better or for worse" said the minis
ter.
eyes, massa, but she all worse, and no
good at ALL"