The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1877-10-02

A green grocer-one who trusts.


A temperance leagues miles Of
water.
Where did cyclops liver In Cyclop-
edia.
Hair die is fatal stuff il you happen
10 have brains.
Why is a hen immortalS Because
her son never sets.
What is worse than raining cats and
dogs? Hailing street cars.
The yilest sinner may return-every
thing save an umbrella.
II man is a worm, is a government
official a red tapeworm.
What bears the closest relation to
hen stealing? A cock robin.
Solitude is we'll enough until you
want to borrow something.
The Russians are the nastiest, but
the Turks are fiercest fighters.
The hood that most ladies like to
talk about.-The neighborhood.
Never wait for something TO turn up.
but go and turn il up yosrself.
Some men reveal their virtues even
when they sin-others only when they
pray.
II all the world were thinkers, there
would be little or nothing to think
about.
The woman who neglects her hus-
bands shirt front is not the wife of his
bosom.
Fashion authorities say that the
reign OF the hemet hat is destined to be
brief.
Bret Harte has a way OF using in fic-
ton the names Of people whom he has
really met.
Why is a dogs tail like the heart ola
tree? Because it is the farthest from
the bark.
Ann Eliza Young is at Hartford, ar
ranging for the publication Of her book
on Mormonism.
The President Of an Illinois college
has been indicted for setting fire TO a
watch factory.
What is the difference between form
and ceremony? You sit upon one and
stand upon the other.
If you lose your purse you may find
Il again, but If you lose your temper il
is gone forever.
The truth viii take care Of itself, but
lie requires as much nursing and
watching as a sore thumb.
What is the difference between
bird with one wing AM bird with
tw? A difference of a pinion.
What is the difference between Bap-
tist and q Methodist? One runs by
water and the other by wind.
There is book called the Old Tes-
lament, says a Brooklyn paper. 1t is
time this charge was investigated.
Rosa Bertram, a bride of a month, is
plaintiff in a New York divorce suit.
Defendant is "tonsorial artist"
Why is an onion like a piano? Be-
cause it is (s)mell-odious. IL may be
said to be equally like a (s)melodeon.
What is the difference between Ro-
man Catholic and q Baptist? One
burns wax candles, and the other
dips"
Who has not sometimes felt that the
'ragged edge Of destiny" is not to be
compared with the ragged edge OF a
plate?
Why is the ST. Lawrence the best
proportional Of rivers? Because it is
the only one whose head is larger than
Its mouth.
The matter of striking for ones
"homes and fires" with the unpoetic. is
usually understood as referring to the
chopping Of the wood.
1t is an established fact q person who
is guilty Of squirting tobacco Juice in
the house Of worship don't expect-to-
rate as a gentleman.
Marriage enlarges the scene Of our
happiness or misery; the marriage of
love is pleasant, the marriage of inter-
est, easy, and a marriage where both
meet, happy.
Why try to lay up wealth for age
whose only real pleasure is recollection,
not enjoyment. Age lives behind, as
youth does before it, and the abode Of
each is in a world Of their own.
A French naturalist has discovered
that ten or a dozen kinds of birds rise
earlier than the lark. We shall next
hear that the lamb is n dissipated ami
NAL. much addicted to late hours.
Mr.. Dion Boucicault has been re-
turned to Parliament from County
Clare. He Will not, however, take his
seat for two years, being engaged for
that time to play ut Wallack's theatre.
Sewing circles are, in too many in.
stances, the places where garments for
the heathen ere made mp out Of the
characters Of those who do not happen
TO be present.
Nothing can be worse for a woman
than anything that will bring her into
rivalry with man, The golden suit for
ber glory will prove the mourning suit
for her happiness.-Dr. Adams.
Two seventh day baptists were re-
Gently fined a. each in town in CEN
trnl Pennsylvania for working on Sun
day, and, refusing to pay, were sent TO
Jail for four days. They claim that
the state law enforcing the observance
Of Sunday is unconstitutional and nm
scriptural.
Fourteen years ago Pithole was the
largest and thriftiest Of the Pennsylva-
MIA oil towns; its mail delivery was the
third in the state at the last election
the borough polled but six votes, aud
last week the survivors of the great
oil metropolis of other days petitioned
the court for a dissolution of its
charter.