The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-02-17
VARIETY.

do her fashionable sisters with their twenty-but
ton gloves, has invented and wears forty button
stockings.
cotemporary wonders whether Cain and
Abel had mumps or the whoopiDg- Very
probably. It's certain, at all events, that their
mother had Adam.
A Parisian lady entered shop at Leipsic, and
asked, on being addressed in German, if they did
not speak French. " We can, madame" was the
reply; "but We do not-from patriotic motives. ~
Every man is said to have at least one oppor-
tunity to acquire wealth. In the Of a
newspaper man, this opportunity comes the
29th of February every year except leap year.
Neuralgia is the charming name of
charming girl in Florida. Her fond mother
found it on a medicine bottle, and was captivated
with its sweetness. So some young man is
doomed to suffer neuralgia of the heart.
When Young farmers wife made her first
boys pants precisely the same before as behind,
the father exclaimed '' Goodness he won't
know whether he's going to school or coming
home 90
They do business with dispatch in Texas. A
man in certain neighborhood who had lost q
valuable mare, received the following by tele-
graph: '' Mare here. Come get her. Thief
hung"
A pretty young lady, whose Christian name is
Anna, took a cigar from young gentleman
who had not pluck enough to say he wished to
marry her. twirled it playfully beneath his nose,
and looking archly at him, popped the question
thus Z" Have-Anna ?''
Some signs may always be relied upon. When
a lady makes young gentleman present of a
handkerchief and he Immediately proceeds to lock |
it up in drawer, notwithstanding that he has a |
cold in his head and his washing hasn't been |
brought home, it is usually safe to presume that
he is in love.
The second night after the first husband died |
she sat by the open chamber window FIVE hours |
waiting for the cats to begin fighting In the back |
yard. She said: IS This thing of going to sleep |
without a quarrel of some kind is SO new to me |
that can't stand it, Let me alone till they be- |
gin, and then can doze off gently
"Dar's gwine to be wahI'' remarked a |
colored citizen, san all ye nggahs mout jes' g
well git ready for active business"
(Which eide shall we take?" asked one of
his hearers.
"You niggahs can take jes' what side yer
please. Use gwine to take de Canada side.'
The use of scientific terms often becomes q
sort of second nature with some professional
men. A savant who incautiously struck the
back of his head against the sidewalk the other
day pitiously exclaimed '' Oh, my poor medulla
obIongata." The crowd thought he alluded to
his wife, and that she must be some Italian lady
of rank.-[ Brooklyn Argus.
She was forlorn and mild-spoken woman,
but firm, and the lady of the house placed
halfa loaf of bread and some cold meat in her
basket, she said-'' No, ma am l couldn't think
of taking it. You've given me cold veal once
afore this week. and my family hasn't been
raised to repeat their meat more'n once in two
weeks"
A small boy in Belfast, Nlaine was correcting
his still smaller brother for some misbehayior
and closed in this fashion '' And if you don't
stop being so dreadfuly naughty, why by-and-ty
when you die you will be sent to-to the reform
school" That boys instructions regarding the
punishment of the wicked after death had been
toned down to about the Roman Catholic point.
female Justice of the Peace of Wyoming Ter
ritory was married last week, and previously
notified her friends to be present by printed
form as follows: ''I about to marry Mr..
J|D-, of this country, and he will be
qualified and sworn in at my Office on Wednesday
morning next at ten O'Clock. You are invited to
attend"
This is the style of music at the swell New
York weddings: You must enter to the wedding
march from IS Lohengrin." During the service
the organ plays g Ever be Happy from the "En-
chantress' in low tones. As you go out the
band strikes up " Oh, Noi Wen Never Get
Drunk Any More - from I" Faust in honor of
the groom,
The season for donation parties has arrived.
The donation party is one of the most effective
of our institutions. It brings pastor and people
into closer and dearer relations; it strengthens
the bonds of tenderness and love which unite
them, and usually obliges the minister to walk
about two miles early the next morning to ex-
change four quarts of beans and a pin-cushion
for something to eat for breakfast.
WoNAN-Woman, Who WhiIome Was Weak,
Was Wrought upon by the Wheeding Words of
the Willy one, since When the World Weeps DER
its Wickedness. Wanting Woman, the World
Were a Weary Waste, and We Vending our
Weary Way through its Wilderness. Would
u Vail tn he md |
Woman. Without thy Winsome Ways, Wealth
Were Worthless, VIII o. the Wisp. The [
Witchery of thy Wooing Words Works Won
ders, like the Waving of the Wizards Wand;
Witness thy Weariless Watchings DER the
Woundsd and the Wretched, Withstanding our
Waywardness through Veal or Woe. Wanton
Waddlers on the Wane, Writhing under Wrink-
les, may Wage thee Warfare, but Wise Welcome