National Republican., 1877-02-18
RISDOM READING.

A New York sign reads, "Scwing machines
bought, sold, rented, and taught"
When does footman reply when no ques-
tiOn has been asked when he answers the bell.
Which was the irst "trick horse" on record,
Troy. "''"'" '"' " "'" '"' ''"' '"'''''
II is said OF certain lady that her temper
is such that she would fight a circular saw-and
that In motion.
On being asked the composition of lime
stone, a brilliant geological student answered,
"Lime and stone"
The family tree OF Texas family shows
branch on when several members have been
hung for borrowing horses.
An Irishman was once asked whv he wore his
stockings inside out. '.Because there Is a hole In
the other side,r he replied.
A druggist says of the man who came in
and borrowed hi, mortar, and forgot to return It,
that "he's pestle.lent fellow"
On being asked whether he was guilty,
New York criminal answered--"I guess am,
judge but I'd like to be tried all the same"
An Illinois editor, having lost his scissors,
the best and most trustworthy assistants the
world ever knew"
gentleman preferred wearing. holes in his
socks to having them darned, "Booause." he
a darn is premedtated poverty"
Speaking of q former admirers affection,
the heroine OF a modern novelist says, ~ shall
have more dliisulty than thought In warming
up the old BROTH
Happy couples in Western towns proclaim
their approaching nuptials thus with the
loving consent OF their parents; W. II. and S. 7.
herewith announce their bctrothal."
"Handsome Is that handsome does" quoted
Chicago man to his wife the other day. yes"
rejoned she, in whining tone, as she held out
willing to hand some money to his wife,"
"T don't see how you can have been working
all day like a horser' exclaimed the wife OF a
lawyer her husband having declared that he had
been thus working well. my dear he replied,
bow" '''" ''"I "s'"'''"A'' WI '''' '"'
Shell, the dramatist, an Irishman, one day
being present at a rehearsal whcre. Charles
peculiar effect to a situation, cried out? Here,
Mr.. Young, you must draw your sword, and find
you have not got one!"
Doctor johnson was famous for disregaring
swsred his pamphlets, papers, sc, he would say,
Why, now, these fellows are only advertising
abused than forgotten"
"How are you, john" said one friend to
another. meeting in the street. II am glad TO sec
you" VERY well, Charley" was the response.
"Come and take drink old fellow; 'tisn't often
we meet" That's a fact, Charley" declare"
the other; and when we do IT'S meet and drink.
The modes of obtaining notoriety by adver-
tislng are many and ingenious, but the accompa
rious papers week or two back by an adyertls-
ing dentist, is unique: "Tub OF oysters and pres.
la
by Mr.. -, Surgeon Dentist, -, London"
When the Marquis of Salisbury first went to
Constantnople the Turks, believing he was come
70 deliver them from Muscoyite clutches, called
soon as they found that he echoed the sentiments
Of their enemies. they termed him 'Salt Bouror,"
known as "Ihad. Enendi," or the obstinate gen:
tleman."
There was recently trial for murder in Ire
land in which the evidence was SO palpably In.
guilty, A weil.knovn lawyer, however, who
cclyed for the defense, claimed the privilege Of
addressing the Court. "we'll hear you with
pleasure, Mr.. b., said the Judge, "but, to pre-.
vent accident, Well hrst aequit the prisoner"
About year back a gentleman dined with
q friend and his wife who had not long been mar
ried, and whose household was conducted upon a
somewhat limited scale. The sole servant was
hostess gave her directions as TO bringing up the
pudding. AT the given time Bridget appeared,
he soh IN Which Il had hsen SoIisS nws
Bridget" said the lady, why didn't you take
the pudding out Of the cloth?' Bridget stared,
aston ishcd at the question, and then exclaimed
"Shure, ma am, an wouldn't take the liberty
Some little time ago, at bar conclave at q
Southern hotel in the States" generals, majors
giving an account OF the late civil war A IuIet
man stood by, and at last said, "Gentlemen, l
happened to be there and perhrps might be able
To refresh your memories as to what took place.
and he gave, succInctly and noflenslyeiy, The ex.
act details Of smart action. The hotel keeper
said to him, "sr, what might have been your
rankf' 81 was . private was the reply. Next
day the quiet man, as he was about to depart,
| asked for his bill. "Not cent, sir-nOt q cent"
| answered the proprietor. "You are the very hrst
private have ever met"
Mandarin MuDg the head of the Chinese En-
hassy which recently reached Paris. entered, with
the sN members OF his suite, n railway carriage
with eight seats. at Marselles, and found we'll.
dressed American ensconced In one oil them.
Mung politely allowed him 10 remain, and, being
able to speak English tolerably, soon entered
into conversation with him. The American was
widely informed and very interesting. In care
less way he spoke Of himself as the proprietor OF
both the train and the locomotive, and then
dropped the subject. Mung renewed 1t, and the
American told him that the locomotive and the
carriage 10 which thoy rode would be very useful
to himself and the Embassy in rapidly trav-
ersing the Paris streets. Having plenty OF other
carriages and locomotives, he offered to sell both
Tor ten thousand francs. Mung eagerly en-.
braeed the opportunity, and, taking the money
from his treasurer, counted II out. The American
gave receipt, and at the next station dlsap-
peared. On reaching Paris, the Celestial became
u wiser man.