The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-02-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

fiat-iron, but there's everything in
guessing where she will put it down.
MAMMA, go down on your hands and
knees minute, please" "What on earth
shall l do that for, pet ?" "'Cause l want
to draw an elephant"
ANOTHER reason why it looks as if
spring was at hand-fellows tread on an
orange peel and glide into the gutter
just the same as they do in May.
Ir has been decided that a man can
legally kiss the hired girl, if he can prove
that he mistook her for his wife, but how
shall that profit the man when he finds
himself with only one eye, and no hair OH
his head
"THoMAs, of what fruit is cider made?"
"Don't know, SIR" "Why, what stu
pid boy What did you get when you
robbed Farmer Jones orchard?" 81 got
thrashing, Sill"
Mrs. SPINKs," observed bOarder to
his landlady, "the equal adjustment of
this establishment could be more safely
secured if there was less hair in the hash
and more in the mattresses.
A NEGRO was put on the stand as a wit
ness, and the Judge inquired if he under
stood the nature of an oath. For GER
tain, boss, said the citizen, eff 1 swear
to lie, must stick to him !"
IT was New Jersey boy who, having
done some wicked thing and being asked
whether he did not want to go to heaven,
replied: "No; 1 don't want to get my
fingers sore playing on an old harp"
LITTLE Robbie went to show, and
saw an elephant for the first time in his
life. When he came home his mother
asked him what he had seen. can ele-
plant, mamma, that gobbled hay with
his front tail. ;"
A CHICAGO man who was detected in an
attempt to conceal a deep excavation in
his front yard by thin covering of lath
and snow, finally admitted that he was
building an Ashtabula bridge for his
mother-in-law.
A YOUNG lady of Norfolk was so agitat-
ed while dancing with the Grand Duke
that she tainted in his arms. The scion
of nobility merely passed her over to one
of the old ladies with the remark,
Toodamthinovitch," and secured an
other partner.
AN editor on the frontier, says an ex-
change, became martial, and was made
Captain. On parade, instead of 1.-Two
PAGES in front-ndvance - he uncon-
sciously exclaimed, Cash-$2 year in
advance" He was court-martialed and
sentenced TO read his own papers.
Brown has just asked his new slavey
whom he has had specially from the
country so she shall be free from London
servants tricks if she is sure she posted
that important letter all right last night.
Here's her reply: eyes, sir; L put it
into the letter-box in the 'all-door, sir.
But it amt gone yet, sir. "-LOnolOn
Fun.
MANY years ago well-to-do farmer
left Hawesville, KY, to better his fortunes
in the West. He had nearly passed from
the memory of all. The hearts of his
friends beat with Joy when they heard
that postal-card had been received, say
ing that if he had not lost his citizenship
he would like to be admitted to the poor
house.
THERE is one advantage in having a
wooden leg rather than a set of false
teeth. A man is never in danger of sneez-
ing it off into somebody's lap in street
car, and it isn't so liable to come down
and choke him off just as he is beginning
to sing for q numerous and expectant
company. But then, it is more unhandy
when fellow wants to kiss somebody or
ride horseback.
THE quality of pulpit erlogy is some
times strained. A pastor in Macon, Ga,
was recently called upon to make few
remarks on the character of colored
classical who had visited brothers
hen-roost surreptitously, fallen unex-
pectedly and broken his neck unremedi-
ably. The pastor made rather bun
CLING job of it There are circumstances
connected with his death that are per-
picking. If, after he fell and before he
struck the ground, he repented of his
sins, there can be no question but that
he is now in glory; but there was mighty
little time for him to think about it."