Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-10-11
Hurnor.

\ StQne-cutter once received fIOm a
German the following epitapheto be en-
grayed on the tombstone of his deceas-
ed wife: 8 My wife Susan is dead; if she
had lif till next Friday. she'd been dead
yOust two weeks As a tree fall, so she
must stand. All dings is impossible NIT
God"
The New York Herald, says: Perhaps
noting gives greater flavor to the dig
nifty of a journalist than to have a man
IN comfortable circumstances approach
+ him with the remark that : You ought
to have lots of theatre tickets around
your clothes"
Rochester Democrat: What said
the ancient Dutchman of the Mohawk
valley, when asked to contribute to a
new lightning rod for the church. You
dink de Lord dunder his own house
down. And so sayeth Bishop Coke in
view of recent Russian reverses.
Nothing is more touching than mans
dependence upon the love and sympa-
thy of a woman. See what you have
brought me to- remarked a Western
man. as on his way to jail he passed
the wife, whom he had tried to kill, be-
cause the tiap-jacks were only Drowned
on one side.
Here is q Turkish fable: Abdullah
went to the residence of NaSereddin to
borrow his mule. Nasereddin, who was
a ready lender, said that the mule was
not at home. At that moment the mule
brayed loud enough to wake the echoes.
"What did you say. Nasereddid, that
your mule was not at home-but | hear
him. GO thy way, false Abdullah,'
said his neighbor, you are not a true
friend, for you believe the mule and
refuse to take my word"
During n recent thunderstorm near
Memphis, Tenn, a negro was severely
kicked by vicious mule, and just as
he was picking himself up, Il stroke of
lightning hit the mule and killed him
dead on the spot "Well, darm exclaim-
ed the negro, "ef dis chile haint got
powerful friends to 'venge his insults
den dare's no use tryin' to hab faith in
anythingr
An Arkansas man lately snapped
both barrels of his gun at his bed-ridGer
wife. The gun, as if endowed with the
humanity of which its owner was de
void, refused to be discharged, but when
the monster took it by the muzzle and
attempted to dash out the sufferers
brains. the breech glanced on the bed
post, both barrels went off" and their
respective charges of buckshOt took
lodgings in the wOuld-be murderer's
lungs.
A couple were married in Georgia by
a Justice of the peace. Unto the man
he said: Sir, will you have the below
ed woman you hold by the right hand
in the name of the State of Georgia,
Cobb county, and the new constitution
whether it be adopted or not, to be your
lawful wife," And to the woman he
said: Madam, will you take this man
to be your lawful husband under the
constitution of the United States and
the constitution of the State of Georgia
no matter who is PRESIDENT"
When in the course of human events
the grasshopper went west, and the pc
tato-bug and Colorado beetle took their
summer vacation, there arose in the
quiet hamlet of Wauseon the man with
the new patent in lightning-rods. lie
was not molested, but some of the
townspeople said as they packed theil
trunks for departing, that it was scarcely
the fair thing to have all their infiiction:
at once, especially since both banks haC
failed, the county treasurer defaulted
and two suspected deacons were organ
ling a revival movement