The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-05-05
VARIETIES.



A tax that no one likes-Attacks on
ones pocket.
Organ grinding tends to make aman
rather cranky.
"A patent has been secured for an inn
proved hens nest.
How to make good impression
Use new type and clean ink.
"A Jersey City woman of sixty-three
years has spent fifty of them in Jail.
The tramp is thinking of starting on
his summer tour
The telephone Especially adapted to
popping the question.
The Third National Bank, of Bris-
tol, r. l., has three woman directors.
I'm New York the Dolman is the styl-
ish feminine street garb.
Too much gravitation-Upsetting
tureen in your lap at a dinner party.
...-Apropos of matrimony, aproposaI is
suggested as the first requisite.
What is that which increases the
more you take from it? Why, hole, of
course.
Gold earringsin the shape of slender
ladders with six steps are the latest nov
city in jewelry. .
Isn't it better to be prophet with
out honor, ETC., than to have an honor
without profit?
1t is understood that Mr.. Cornelius
Vanderbilt, Jr., has not yet finished max
ing the will of his late father, the Com
modore. ....
"A vain Iowan wanted her teeth
plugged $50 that the gold would show
when she laughed"
The Easternquestion: GLOW much
are those Western fellows going to buy
from us this Year,"
The reason why lovers are never
weary of one another is this-they are
always talking of themselves.-Roche-
f0ucdLd.
1.-THE sacred heavens around him
shine," wrote the poet. The Intelligent
Compositor put 1t: 1.-The sacred hyenas
around him whined."
Philadelphia claims to be the great
est of American industrial centers, to
have $4,000 inhabitants, and only $73,-
100000 worth of debt.
=" Insults" says a modern philoso-
pher, ARE like counterfeit money. We
cannot hinder their being offered, but we
are not compelled to take them"
Japan sends to this country over
5000, 600 fans per year. Other coun-
tries send 100000 Home industry
makes 30,000,000.
If he could only see how small the
vacancy his death would leave, the
proud man would think less of the place
he occupies in his lifetime.
We should like to kindly but stoutly
affirm, as summer is drawing near, that
we have no relatives IN Philadelphia, and
never claimed to have. ....
AS William drew his Susy near,
He whispered to his bride
Though queer it sounds, love, my dear,
To live by Susy's side"
1t is useless trying to study the
character Of young man by the back of
his head while the present style of stand
ing collar keeps in vogue.
The old folks are warned that the
new comet comes so late in the night
that it is only safe for young and
healthy people to sit up and watch for it.
A French philosopher declares that
much more depends on how woman
wears her dress than on what it is made
of, and on how a man talks than on what
he says.
An estate on fremont street, Boston,
was sold by auction recently for $29, $50,
OF which the assessed value was $50 900,
and five years ago the owner was offered
and refused $65, 900 for it.
james Baxter, of Baltimore, would
be a good man to send to the Black Hills.
A pistol was fired at him in a recent fight
and the ball f1attened on his forehead
without injuring him. .-
One boy was killed and another
badly stunned by lightning, at game of
baseball at Dallas, Tex, the other day,
and yet neither of them were of the
players.
Gen. Pleasonton, the discoverer of the
blue-glass cure, is said to be great suf-
ferer from rheumatism. This prevents
him from pushing his discovery as he
would like to.
Eastern papers are laughing at
'Ihiuls6cI WHO conducted services IN
Penitentiary recently, and opened his re-
marks by expressing his gratitude at see
ing so many present.
"A man made bet that he could ride
a fiy-wheel in a saw-mill, and, as his
widow paid the bet, she remarked:
" William was a kind husband, but he
did not know much about fy-wheels."
1t is observed that when savage
on the Western plains kills mail-carrier
he takes only the registered letters. The
Indian is becoming more and more en-
lightened.
In suit recently heard in New York
State, the sum involved is about SO
Already the case has been on the trial
list for no less than six years, and the
actual court costs have exceeded So, 500.
"A house in Rutland, VT, has this
legend on the gate post Nineteen
agents have called here this morning;
we always shoot the twentieth" No
agent has touched the bell-knob since
the placard was posted. .. 4
.4,-r" Miss Grundy" relieves the public
mind by writing that, though the Presi
dent does not wea~ gloves at his recep-
1 -.