The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-02-23

"A minnesota eQltOr OHerS MS paper al
half price to widowers. Anything to re-
wive 'em.-Hartford Times.
=" Who was the meekest man 2" asked
Sunday school teacher. "Moses."-
man Z" "Never was any,"
Jaw how duth you like my mou-
stache, NTH Laura 2" lisped dandy to a
merry young girl. 80, very much. 1t
looks like the fuzz on the back of cater
pillar"
When three good little boys get to-
gether of an afternoon, the chances are
that there will be either fight, a window
broken. or some stray dog will have pan
tied to his tail.
Cleveland young women write COM
ments on the margins of the library novels
they read. One emotional creature writes
1.-THE pangs of love are CRATE, fur have
ben there myself"
I'm dilemma-the bachelor who re.
marked that che never would marry any
woman he didn't respect, and he certainly
couldn't respect any woman who was will
ing to marry him.
1T is true that flowers and vegetables
are divided into sexes and it is also true,
strange as it may appear. thar they have a
language of their own. You surely have
heard of jack and the beams talk.
"A skipper of a down-east coaster,
named the "Hyena," was recently asked
what his vessel was named after. His
honest and sober reply was, don't know,
l expect some great man in Congress"
-Toprevent sea-sickness-stayo on shore.
To cure drunkenness-drn cold water.
To keep out of jail-keep out of debt.
To please everybody-mind your own bus
mess. To preserve your appetite-keep
out OF the kitchen.
-"Ah," said father to his son William,
"hearty breakfasts kill one-half of the
world, and tremendous suppers the other
half" "Isuppose, then, retorted William,
"that the true livers are only they who die
of hunger"
"A gentleman having given goose to
his servant, Patrick, as Christmas pres
ent, meeting him short time after, asked
him how he liked the goose. "Och, y'r
Honor, sure it was fine bird. / niver see
goose or gambler don't think of y'r
Honor"
-"Barber," said farmer to his tonsor,
''now corn's cheap, you ought to shave for
half price" Cant, Mr.. JONES'" said the
man of razors. 81 really ought to charge
more for when corn's down the farmers
make such long faces that / have twice the
ground to go over"
-" May they always live in peace and
harmony" was the way Yankee marriage
notice should have wound up; but the
printer, who couldn't read manuscript
very well, put in type and Mortified the
happy couple by making it read thus
MAY they always live on peas and hom-
n.y."
The grandmother of little girl tried
to break her Of the habit of saying people
lied and instructed her to say that they
were mistaken. A few days after, her
grandma, to amuse her, told her q bear
story, which was hard to believe After
she had finished, the little grandchild
looked up into her face and exclaimed
" Grandma, that's the biggest mistaken
ever heard"
An Arkansawer, who dates his letter
at Clarendon, writes that a gentleman of
color was arraigned before justice of the
peace the other day of the same hue on
charge of stealing cow-peas. The theft
was clearly proven, but the sable mags,
trate was in doubt as to what punishment
to infict. Aided by the constable, he
pored carefully over the statutes to find
penalty for stealing cow-peas. Failing to