The Red Cloud chief., 1877-11-08
HUNOROIIS

that n must remember that the ma
and wife are one.-"Lordr" she exclaim
ed. IF you were under my father an
mothers window when they are qua,
reling. you would think they were a
least a dozen"
Poor boy" said a lady. as she tool
out her purse to give a little begga
some change. Yes. 1 am a poor boy,
said the young rascal. squeezing a tea
out OF his eyes. and have three sic
mothers to support" The lady SHOOT
her head. put back her purse, and sadl,
walked away.
A charming and a coquertish woman
deserts her husbands roof. "Wha'
grieves me most" he says to a friend
"is that | cannot understand why sh,
shOnld have flown-whether for thi
reason. or that. or the other" -Oh." say.
his friend. make your mind easy. Sh,
has left you for the other"
A gentleman observing a servant girl
who was eft handed. placing the knives
and forks on the dinner-table in the
same awkward position. remarked tO
her that she was laying them left-hand.
ed. "Oh. indade!." said she, so l have
be PLACED. sir, to help me turn the table
round"
"IIe is a man after my own heart, pa"
said Julia, referring to her Augustus.
Nonsense" replied old Practical. "he is
a man after the money your uncle left
you" And then all was quiet
A very tall. thin Highlander said he
had a cold in his head, originating in
wet feet" She looked at him slowly
from head to foot and back again. as if
measuring the distance the cold had to
travel, and then Ell acaiatsd: "Gracious
me-. you must have got your feet wet
some time last year"
At a recent sale of short-horn COWS
in England. one animal brought $4,000.
That is a tremendous price. but it has
its cOm~pensatiOns. To be kicked in the
stomach by a cow worth $4,000 must
be accompanied by a variety of Inc
bling sensations. Not every man can
it.
A tramp applied to a lady in Des
MOines for something to eat, and to the
inquiry why he didn't go to work. said
there was not any chance to work at
trade now. The lady asked him
what his trade vas "ShOveling snow"
was the confident answer. He got his
dinner.
He was about six years old. He point
ed to the face of the dial and said, why, |
there's another little watch" l said.
that is called a second hand" He toss
ID his head cOntemptuOusly and walked
IF, saying: II wouldn't own a second
hand watch"
Customer Ito proprietor Of a large es-
,ablishment)-"I want a mourning suit.
PrOprietOr-"What is the be-
may | ask !" Customer
My mother -in-law." Proprietor TO a
Instant shOpman) MIR. Brown show
his gentleman to the Light Afliction
The exact sciences may demonstrate
he precise distance of the most remote
tar. and make the phases of surround
ng worlds as familiar as u household
but no amount of figuring will
yer be able To indicate where the stone
Which a woman throws is going To
trike.
TIE way to make wood "gs further"
n cold weather. is to have it sawed ard
pitt and pile1 up outside the door, in
lace Of being in the wOodshed. BY
ais means a load Of wood has been ,
nOwn to 60 more than half a mile in ,
ne night. |,
1t makes a boys heart feel sick a. the I
wood begins to loom up in stead
growing piles in the back yard, and
3 sees his mother making preparations
II organizing him into Acknowledgements ,
srty. ,
a shipwrecked IrisA sailor vas mar Y
ting how he and his companions had :
,ated about at vi for twenty days in "
1 open boat. And what did you do for "
Pat. when the provisions gave q
z" asked a bystander. ~:Shure, and we l
ned on n OF the officers. Twas the u
'st mate we'd had IN a fortnight" was .
reply. 9
A slow fellow OF a lover asked a lsS- .
whom he was feebly paying his dila- D
attentions, what form OF marriage IL
e thought the most beautiful. "Oh. q
yer mind the FORM" she exclaimed '
substance is what / care for The u
are now being issued for the q
b
Brethren" said the realistic parson. Of
hen you drop your contribution into o.
e box. you may drop it in gently from 10
meath your hand. so that the collector d'
nj tell whether it's a dollar or a nick. u
bat you can't cheat the Lord" "a
Pennsylvania Dutchman, who mar u
q his second wife after the funeral OF 81
first, was visited with a two houn' u
enaie by the "Calathumbian- and. -
token OF disapproval. He expo,,u-
Ell pathetically. thus: Il say. loys.
! ought TO been ashamed mid your.
u be making all desc noise ven dar W
somebody dead here 80 soon in
Living in Washingtoa. "a
he expense OF living in Washington -,