Orangeburg news and times. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1875-1877, 1877-06-09
My Great Aunt's will.

am clerk in country store,
and sometimes I wish I'd been mar
tyr in those days when they stretch
cd people OH beds ofspikes or roasted
them on g:'idiron. Then think I
could have taken little comfort in
life.
This is the way of il T: 7 am behind
the counter on the side were We keep
prints, and there trots up to the
opposite side, where we keep fianncls.
customer neither young nor hcauti-
tul. hurry around and ncross, and
che asks Cor calicocs; and then I turn
ler about and make my way back
and pull down half dozen pieces,
hut she just gazes Mt the shelves, says
she'd like to look at the under OH The
top shelf; / climb up, ut the risk Of
breaking my neck, and get the under
piece out, md she concludes 'tisn't
what she thought it was. Then she
says she would like to look ut "that
stripe; I b!undcr on to every other
stripc before I get her particular
stripe. Then she says she wants n
little figure, and get all the little
figures out for her. She wants to
Know how much lis a yard; l say six
cents. aud she says she can get better
in Springfield for five cents. and she
looks at me suspiciouSly as if was Il
<hcating youth. She wants to know
if it'll wash, and she looks at mo III.
tignan,ly, rs if I was saucy youth
Then she asks me if we take eggs, and
1 say we do, and we rny twenty-eight
cunts, and She says they're paying
thirty cents AT ;hc other store; and off
she goes. and put up the prints, and
nm down at The further end oflhe
room turning fra"mcuts out of II
cracker barrel when back comes
and wants samples.
We keep the postoffice, and by the
time l.-gety back oimy cracker barrel,
in comes . 1nAnENho wants to know if.
Ire i,dsl,'t a letter. Heneverh hudSa;
He he /:
ui.d kiow il; Tut it is one Of those
J;tts tf's.t both parties ignore and I
70 n.Hl look and give him the consol
ing assurance that h, hasn't any, and
ale departs i'll peace Of mind.
Then there is a lady who wants to
match confoundcd bit OF silk braid,
sirnb bordering OH the lilac. It takes
1ne five minutes to find one box of
silk .braitls, and FIVE more to find we
havnt drab bordering on the lilac.
Then sic wants sewing silk The same
shade, and / hunt through all the sew
ing silks, and there's drab bordering
ON everything else under the sun ex-
cept lilac; butt know by the way her
flounces sweep out that mercantile
house n OF keeping drab bordering on
the lilac stands very low.
get down to the further end Of the
store again, and there comes man to
the front door, and yells out loud
enough for every customer to hear
that he's brought back that barrel of
flour; says the bread was black and
all dough i'll the middle. Now that
man understood, when he had that
flour, that twas inferior quality, not
recommended. and he had it cheap,
and took it because it was cheap.
help'hiin roll the flour in, and can see
that he thinks he has circumycnted
villnin.
That's the way il goes day after
alny, week after week. and hate ten,
detcst saleratus, abhor goldfish, and
wish. Calico. cotton cloth, drilling,
hooks and eyes, and MI the rest Of the
wrcttlte,l necessities Of any artificial
civilization were ut the bottom Of the
Indian Ocean. l long 20 be savage
more than do an angel, and shall
be one Of these days, though I do
wear clotl, suits, and have II shaving
mug at the BARRIERS marked in gilt
letters s. o. Haynes. I wouder that
nil self:respect and sentiment OF hu-
mpnity hasn't long ago pcrished from
Outmy bosom.