The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-05-04
WIT AND HUMOR.
EAL Quacks-Ducks.

BEST thing out-A confagration.
WHEN man gets full they bail him
out.
A PIoKPooKET works on abstract 'prin
ciples.
How TO take life easy-Be careless witt
coal oil.
A DIFFICULT lock to picll-One from a
bald head
WHAT holds all the snuff in the world
No one nose.
A Two-FooT rule-"Boots and shoes
for cash only"
AN honest meal cannot be made from.
a boned turkey.
HoGG was good writer, but he can't
be considered aside of Bacon.
WHY is a very popular actor like az
architect Because he draws houses
ADVICE to striking printers-Keep
composed" but don't get "set up.
A PRINTER invariably gets out of sorts
when he reaches the bottom of his case.
WHY is the Queens health like an in
temperate man? Because it is often
drunk
WHAT is that which increases the
more you take from it? Why, a hole,
of course.
WHY is lady's hustle like a historical
romance? Because it is fiction founded
upon fact.
WHAT is the difference between spend
thrift and pillow! One is hard up and
the other is soft down.
The woodman who refuses to "spare
that tree" may have been regarded as
sort of hew-more-ist in his way.
"CAN you see me, dear?" said Chi
cago man to his dying wife. "Tell me,
can you see me?" "No," she family
whispered, "but / can smell your
breath"
Ii you have a good sister, love and
cherish her with all your heart. If you
have none, why then love and cherish
the good sister of some other man with
all your heart.
"TEDDY, my boy, iist guess how
many cheeses there are in this bag, an
faith I'll give you all the five" Five,
to be sure" said Teddy. "Arrah bad
luck to the man that tould YET"
"IT seems to me, said customer to
his barber, that in these hard times you
ought to lower your price for shaving"
"Can't do it," replied the barber.
Nowadays everybody wears such long
face that we have great deal more sur
face to shave over"
Mr.. BOUNDERBY (pompously, and with
the intention OF putting that Yankee
fellow" DOWN." Yes, sir; yes, sir;
you see in me self-made man !"
Yankee fellow (coolly)-" ALI, L was
wondering how to account for your
being so ALFRED awkward.
A LADY said to a neighbor, whose hus
band was a bookkeeper: Your hus-
bands occupation is a very sedentary
one he must suffer for want of exer-
cise." ooh, 1 don't know about that;
he's always talking about running up
the columns F" was the reply.
AN honest yeoman, of very correct
habits, who was told that if he smoked
one less cigar day for two years, he
could save money enough, principal and
interest, to buy good farm, has made
himself sick as death every day for the
past two weeks trying to learn to smoke.
Thus is the path OF honest industry be-
set with difficulties.
I TALKED with minion from Her
Majesty's dominions. Says /, "Where
are you going2" Says he, "To hide
hoe" Says L, "What are you going to
hide a hoe for?" Says he, 81 didn't
say hide hoe; / said hide a hoe"
Says /, "Spell it." Says he, "I-d-a-
h-o." "Oh, says 1, Idaho. :" eyes"
says he, Glide hoe"
THE gate of the cemetery opened and
two little children came up the hill
where / was sitting, and 1 overheard
the following conversation. The elder
of the two said 81 wonder if we shall
have as nice a place as this to be put
into when we die? CT don't know"
said the younger, "but I'd rather be
buried up here so high than shut up in
a dark vault down below, wouldn't |
your" why, dear =" said the elder.
i" Because, said the little one, CT think |
I'd be nearer heaven when woke up !"
A CERTAIN paper published in New
York is only rs cents year, and each
subscriber is promised ga gold-plated
watch chain, lady's jet brooch, Jet ear
drops, pair gold-stone sleeve-buttons.
lady's heavy wedding ring, set spiral
studs, new style collar stud, and gents
pin" And yet we are told that
some persons call the publisher mean
md close-fsted and overreaching, be;
cause he won't throw in a three-story
brick house and two-horse carriage.
But he couldn't do that unless he adj
vanced the price of his paper to 81 a
year, and then they would growl again.