South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-03-16
wIr AND HUMoR.


his pastor. ut might melt" was the
consoling answer.
UA florist was showing an Irishman
over his establishment the other tlay,-
"Now," said he. "we'll just look in for a
moment at the terminating house"
1.-The German 'ating house, is it9" re.
piled the other. "Troth. and I'm glad,
for its hungry am. But isn't there
some Irish drinkin' saloon just as han.
dy2"
~A boy came down Linwood ave.
nue. on the rush. d few nights sincs, and,
in an excited manner. said that there
were lot Of lights in the Jewish burial
ground. Half dozen scientific men.
four loafers and dog started of to see
them. The grave yard was AZ dark as
such places usually are. Where are
the lightsf" asked big man Of the boy.
The youngster backed off to a safe dis.
lance and yelled out, Under the ground
they are Israelites ~ He then ran for
his life.-Melrose Journal. ~
LEA Whitehaller has invented iy
protector for bald.headed men to wear
during sermon time. 1t consists OF
ciose.itting paper cap to be worn on the
head. On the outside is coating OF
sticky substance, and when fly lights
on it, it is stuck" The beauty of the
thing is, says the Times Of that borough,
THAT when the paper is thickly covered
with flies the wearer looks as if he had
head of beautiful black hair
1r"May they always live in peace
and harmony" was the way a Yankee
marriage should have wound up; but
the compositor, who couldn't read man.
uscript very well put in type and horri.
lied the happy couple by making it read |:
May they always live on beans and
hominy."
SThe champion scholar has turned
up. Being asked to sign his initials to
document, lie wanted to know what
nishuls were" "Why your name being
George Gould, you want two G's." 20,
see," he said. and wrote "2 Geeze."
V'"The baby has got a new tooth,
but the old lady is laid up with cold
in her head" remarked gentleman on
the street to defeated candidate.
What in thunder do care !" was the
reply. "Well," said the gentleman
slowly, "before the election you used 10
take mo to ono e;Jo oil .oJ- -,
my family was coming on. and I've been
hunting you all over town to tell you,
and that's the way you talk to me. But
it don't make any difference, voted for
the other candidate any how
SOME BLITz ANEcDoTEs.-His first
feat as ventriloquist was in dissect.
ing room, whittier he had been invited
by medical friend. The doctor, scalp.
cl. in hand, had made an incision in the
body of woman, to which she protest.
ed. ut is cruel to mutilate." said the
voice, 1.-The remains Of a woman"
Yes, came from another body upon
another table, sit is an outrage to thus
abuse woman" Doctor and student
made a rush for the door, and it was
only when the surgeon had frantically
driven home in his carriage, taking Sig
nor Blitz with him, that the ventriloquist
explained.
1t is impossible to give more than
few ofthe many anecdotes which Signor
Blitz himself has left of his long life
and varied experience.
Meeting Paeanini, the violinist, during
visit to Glasgow, an infants cry came
from within the great Italians fiddle.
my Cod" said Paganini, what is
this?"
You know whose child it is" said
female voice from neighboriDg closet.
The excited musician rushed to the
closet, thence back to his violin, and then
turned round to see Signor Blitz laugh
ing and to receive his explanation.
An Egyptian mummy was presented
by the American consul at Cairo, to a
Philadelphia museum. A crowd was
one day about the case, and was startled
by voice from amid the multitudinous
linen folds.
"Open the box open the box ~ said
the voice.
"Who are you?" asked one visitor,
more venturesome than the rest.
I'm descendant Of Che Pharaohs,' .
answered the voice.
What do you want?"
ASK yourself. Your COMPOUNDED
Yankee curiosity has awakened me up
from the sleep Of ages. Open the box :"
UWbot's ,.o,,r no,,ooy