The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1877-04-13

/ HaFe the courage to prefer comfort and
prosperity to fashion in all things.
"Goners" is the reckless headline over
the deaths in the Chicago Times.
Thompson, who is engaged in cultivat-
ing moustache, now shaves at blue
glass mirror.
Don't linger where your love lies dream
ing, but tell her to get up and get the
breakfast ready.
Women are no good in the Dead Letter
Office. They talk too much, So says the
Postmaster General.
An Irisbman speaking Of a lady's black
eyes, says: "They are in mourning for
the murders they've committed"
"We're in pickle now" said a man in
crowd. ~ regular JAM" said another,
"Heayen preserve US" said an old lady.
Parasols are chosen to match the color
of the dress with which they are worn, and
are eften Of the same material.
After pondering for years on the query
'Why do animals fear fire ?" a Southern
professor answers. because fire is hot. :
A young woman being asked by poll
tician what party she was most in favor Of
replied that she preferred Wedding
party.
There's a church in Cambridge SO round
that the committee engaged in its restora
ton find great difficulty in svuaring the
accounts.
Button parties are popular in the West
We don't know whence they derive their
name, unless it is because they are always
sure to come off
A painter hard of hearing at a spelling
match the other evening, asked the captain
to "Write the darned word down, SO fell
low can tell what it is.i
The papers state that q chemist, near
Detroit, committed suicide recently in or
der to test the efficacy of a resurrection
powder.
A recent census of the Black Hills shows
the population TO be $3.50 men and So
women, not counting squaws, of which
there are some hundreds.
Two sisters-twins-ha been told
everything together, because they are 50
exactly alike that they can not be told
apart.
Baldheaded men are SO numerous in
from i above, els IS said 10 ooE ike @ cobBle. Bl
stone pavement.
"Fellow citizens, said carpet bagger
addressing an audience Of colored people
in South Carolina, "my skin is white, it is
true, but my soul is blacker than yours.
An unsuccessful lover was asked how be
came to lose his girl. 'sAlas he excIaim
ed, I fattered her until she got too proud
to speak to me-
4 great many anecdotes are related o
, personal bravery. We should like to set
man who would deliberately let womal
catch him making mouths at her baby.
'tYou ain't afraid to die?" said clergy
man tenderly. "No, replied the sufferer
! I'm only afraid if do that the old wo
man vii! go shooting through my privat
papers the FIRST thing"
!, Chicago has seven hundred hsckmen
J. and if you ever go there, you viii wonde
how the whole seven hundred can manag
i to get hold Of your carpet bag and holle
9 into your left ear at once.
=, An Indiana 2, RI at Vassar College write
Y to her parents: "This is the most stylis
S hairpin Of q boarding house ever tumble
to. can eat four times day if / war
10, and get fair whack at the hash ever
: time"
), A person late last Sunday afternoo
i hailed an elderly gentleman, as he WI
:. skillfuily essaYing the willy fsherman's a
of for trout, with "Hullo, there! Got an
thing?" "Of course not. | only can
here last Wednesday II was the reply
7e A Kansas man purchased a revolver f
&c his wife, and insisted on target practie
rg so that she could defend her house IN CO
es Of his absence. After the bullet was da
IS out Of his leg and the COW buried, he "a
e, he guessed she'd better shoot With an a
One of the discoveries made by the Ia
Arctic Explorers is that the length of t
= =, polar night is one hundred and forty-t'
days. What heavenly place that wou
= be to tell man With bill to call arouI
= tomorrow
A fire was caused in Scranton, Pa, I
other day, by the suns rays glaneing Of
IRE citizens nose and concentrating upon
if frame she'd, The owner Of the nose DC
tes not belong TO temperance society.
on argues that little vine for the stomac
sa sake will harm no home.
Il don't care much for quiet baby,
1a4o q, : eo,a 1l;ro 80 VI eosd ~