The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-10-06
VARIETY.


CHANCE FOR THE GIRLs.-Joaquin Millers
Mormon play is completed and now theatrical
rsanagers Will be advertising f Wanted-Two
Kindred beautiful ladies to take the parts of
wives in our new attraction Apply at stage
dor"
Young man told DIR. Bethune that he had
eplisted in the army of Zion. ''In which
church p asked the doctor. '' In the Baptist
ras the reply s'I should call that joining the
nvy,'' was the doctors response.
8. Suppose we pass law said severe
hther to his daughters, IS. that no girl eighteen
rears old who can't cook good meal shall get
zarried ill she learns how to do itP' " Why,
hen, we d ali get married at seventeen" res
bonded the glrls i'll sweet chorus.
Little boy Please, want the doctor to
enme and see MOTHER Servant '' Doctors
out. Where do you come from ?'' Little boy
!. What Don't you know me? Why. we deal
nth YOU. We had a baby from here last
neck - London Fun.
The will of the rich man OF the future will
read - To the respective attorneys OF my chill
aren give my entire estate and worldly goods
ID all descriptions. Personally to the children
AID to nv beloved wife give all that remains -
This instrument will satisfy the family and save
the trouble Of proving the old man insane.
Nobody who is afraid of laughing, and hear
tily. too, at his friend can be said to have a
true and a thorough love for him and on the
other hand it would betray a sorry want of faith
10 distrust a friend because he laughs at you.
Few men, L believe are much worth loving, in
whom there is not something well worth laugh
ing at.-Juhus Hare.
Well, and how did you enjoy your dinner?'
asked a passenger of another on a European
steamer, the first day out.
Don't mention it" said the other, feelingly;
sf'don't mention it. 1t was good deal like the
financial question in Congress-
g How's that?''
g Why it's apt to come up at any moment
In Maine the bear crop continues very good.
Last year the state paid S2,725 for bears. As
IS was paid for each bear, almost any one who
has a moderate command of slate can ascertain
that 545 bears were paid for. 1t seems pretty
certain that SO long the bounty law is enforced
the production of bears will be of the leading
Industries of the state
They were husband and wife, and as they
stood before the capitol in Washington she
asked 80 What's that figure on the top?''
ssThat's a goddess" he answered. And
what's goddess ?'' "A woman who holds
her tongue" he replied. She looked at him
sideways, and then began planning how to
make a peach pie with the stones in it, for the
benefit of his sore tooth.
Parson Jedediah Dewey, who preached a
war sermon the Sunday before the battle oil
Bennington, was the first pastor of the first
church in Vermont His strict theological views
eometimes brought him into contact with Col.
Ethan Allen, the hero of Ticonderoga, who lived
40 Bennington some years. Preaching on the
character of God one Sunday, Col Allen rose
In his prominent pew and disputed one of the
parson' 5 statements. Pointing at the disturber,
Mr. Dewey retorted S. Sit down, thou bold
blasphemer, and listen to the Word of God. -
During the Thanksgiving service for the surren-
der of Ticonderoga, Mr.. Dewey had been ascrib-
ing the glory of the victory to the Lord rather
more sweepingly than agreeable to Allen,
who called out in the midst of prayer, 90 Please
mention to the Lord about my being there!''
A JUDGES BIBLE LoRE.-During the trial
of the celebrated Leayenworth baby case IN
which two women claim to have given birth
TO the same child, one of the lawyers, in the
course of his remarks, pointed to the painting
Of Solomon ordering the child to be severed in
halves and divided between the two women.
His scriptural knowledge being small he alluded
TO Plate instead of Solomon. The opposing
counsel, supposing he knew all about it, in
stantly jumped to his feet and called him id
fool, he stating that the order was by Caesar
and not by PLATE. After a heated discussion
they agreed to leave it to the Judge. His Honor
decided that both the attorneys were talking on
a subject foreign to their knowledge, and point
ing to the painting, said it was intended to
represent HerOd, and not PLATE or Cesar. The
lawyers considered the matter as settled and
proceeded with the ease.-Atchison (Kansas)
Champion.
NOVEL VALEDICToRY the head o.
. Going Fishing the last issue of the Kerr
county Democrat contained the following move
yaledictOry:
The publication of this paper will be indie
hnitely suspended from and after this date
10 all who have paid in advance we will, upo1
aPpncatlon, refund in proportion to the unex
pred term OF such paid subscription. We re
qulre little time in which to make bills payabl
meet oills due, and persons owing US, no matte
now small bill, will please remember that w
need 1t all to enable us to meet our obligations
AS we may be expected to give reason for this
as IL may be termed rather abrupt Termination
ot our enterprise We will state that we feel just
NED Tor several reasons. We leave the countr
40 comparatively comfortable and secur
position: The European war is fairly inaugurs
ted, and good market and high prices for ou
surplus crops secured; the great strike is safel
over; the whites obtaining the ascendenc
In the south, and the niggers emigrating
- Liberia The Louisiana returning board a.
IN limbo, and Hayes is badly scared. To
M Fowler is nominated for state senator with
certainty of being elected, and-well, what mo
could be expected of in four brief months
Fl For the rest, it is dry year, the weather
hot, we have had all of this kind of fun we wa
for the present, and now We are going fishin
Tal ia!