Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1877-03-16

would you say if | informed you that
one of my kneepans is gone, and
that l have a patent hinge on that
leg?"
Il should say that cared nothing
for that, my dear: l have only one
toe on my left foot. The others
were frostbitten off, and the ankle
is twisted around crooked
'You don't tell mel" said Thorpe.
"Well, but Eve something worse
than that. | might as we'll confess
now that the bald place on the top
of my head is not really my scalp;
I've been trepanned. l have a sill
ver-plated concern set into my skull,
kind of skyIight. You can lift it
up and see down on the inside of
me-"
'I'm glad you mentioned it, dear,
said the widow, "for it gives me
courage TO tell you that l havn't a
hair of my own on my head. Pm
bald as a chandelier globe"
els that so? Gracious! [ never
should d-have expected it. But you
will be surprised to learn that none
of my teeth are natural. All false,
aud besides that, have to wear an
india-rubber thingamagig on my
palate TO keep it from dropping
down."
''I'm very sorry for you, John,
but it's some comfort that all nv
teeth are false too, and that am
perfectly blind in my right eye. 1t
looks like good eye, but it abso-
lutely amt worth a cent"
.Great Heavens! Why didn't you
tell me of this before?" exclaimed
Thorpe. "But while we are on this
subject, I willsay further that have
chronic torpidity of the liver, and
that my breast-bone is disjointed so
tbatit sticks out ike chickens.
How does that strike You?"
80, l don't mind it," said Mrs.
Bolts, 'because l have been bilious
and dispeptic for twenty years; |
have wen on the back of my neck,
and besides | am one rib short. 1t
was broken in a railroad accident,
and the doctor had to cut it out.
Pm subject to fits, too"
"This is horrible" said Thorpe.
"Mrs. Bolts, think you ought to
have mentioned these things to me
when proposed to you. imagin-
ed that Twas addressing woman, a
complete human creature. But what
are you, Mrs. Bolts? Mrs. Bolts,
you appear to me to be a kind of a
dilapidated old wreck, with not
more'n half of the usual machinery
about you. It's wonder to me you
don't fail to pieces" !"
''I am no more than you are. You
said yourself that you have a trap
door in the top of your head and a
gum-elastic palate, and | don't know
but what you have to wind yourself
up with key at night when you 90
to bed, to keep yourself running un-
til morning"
eyes, but these things amt true, F"
said Thorpe. 81 only told you about
them to see if you really loved me-
I'm as sound as a dollar; no inactive
liver, or silver-plated skull, or any
thing. But You seem to be kind of
strung together, SOS if you should
knock against anything you'd scat
Ter all around over the carpet !
think you ought to let me off )"
every well, sir, so will. But let
me tell you that Pve got nothing the
matter with me either. I only in
vented those stories to try you be-
cause l knew you were playing a
game on me. Now l know you don't
love me. You can go, SIR"
"Hannah, l take it all back. do
love you"
0Do you really? Then 1 love you
more than" 4
But no; the curtain had better be
drawn right here. The cold and self
ish world has no business with such
scenes as this, They are to be con-
solidated early next month.