The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1877-05-31


They were out walking, enjoying the
cool and refreshing air. The bright moon
cast its rays over the lady, giving her an
almost-angelic appearance, and impaired
to her flowing curls a still more golden |
hue One of her soft white hands rested
in his, and ever and anon she met his
ardent gaze with one Of pure love. Sud
denly change came over her features J
her full red lips trembled as if with sup
pressed sighs; the muscles of her faultless
mouth became convulsed she gasped for
breath, and, snatching her hand from the
soft pressure of his she turned away,
buried her face in her cambria handker-
chief, and-sneezed.
A lady, whose cook went to a wake,
was given notice by her fortnight after
ward that she was going to be married.
ITO whom p asked the mistress. PHASE,
ma'am, to the husband of the corpse.
"Why, does he love your was the next
question. "Oh yes, ma'am; he said i
was the light of the funeral"
rs nobbs," said Mrs Snobbs to her hus-
band the day after the ball-"Snobbs,
why did you dance with every lady in
the hall last night before you noticed
me2' "Why my dear" said the devot'
Snobbs, II was only practicing what we
do at the table-reserving the best for
for the last"
isn't there an awfully strong smell of
pigs in the airY asked Smith of Jones.
"Yes," replied Jones; "thats because
the wind is from the sow-west
Nothing was SO much dreaded in our
school-boy days, says q distinguished
author, as to be punished by sitting be-
tween two girls. All, the force of educa-
ton In after years we learn to submit
to such things without shedding tear.
A quack doctor advertises, confidently,
People never cough after taking one
bottle OF my cough mixture
"One more question, Mr.. Parker. You
have known the defendant long time
what are his habits. loose. or otherwiseY
"The one he's got on now, think, 10
rather tight under the arms. and too
shortwaistsd for the fashion" you
can stand down, Mr.. Parker"
my son." said Mr.. K, kindly, to
his youthful heir, "accustom yourself to
be polite to the porter, the servant girl,
the coachman-to all the servants; thus
you will come in time to be courteous to
all people, even to your parents
1t cannot but PROPOSES the minds OF
liberty-loving people like ours, glorying
i'm the grandeur of its free-school system,
to hear a member of board of education,
after calmly rising in his sert, majestical-
ly waving his hand to the gentleman who
preceded him, blandly remark, "Mr.
Chairman, / amt got no objection to this
ere motion prevailin'."
A. seedy old chap thinks it is very
strange that the number OF men who are
willing to lend you five dollars is so out
rageously small in comparison with the
number who want to borrow that
amount.
A man lectured in Brooklyn the other
evening in vindication OF Judas. The au-
dience consisted of three men, one wo-
man, and boy, indicating that Judas
had fewer friends in Brooklyn than
would naturally be expected.
A Norwich man has invented plan in
three parts by which no, one need lose his
life in a burning hotel. The first part
states that a man should never stop at a
hotel Ommitting the other two parts,
the plan is generally considered a sue
cess.
The first barrel of kerosene oil which
reached Zanzibar was supposed to be a
new kind OF brandy. and some of the
natives nearly killed themselves hunting
for the point where the drunk comes in.
The last gallon was given to the women
for hair oil.
what bandy.legged rooster is that
climbing up them stairs ?" enqured a
man from a frontier county of a reporter,
as a member Of the grand jury walked up
the court house stairs. That's one OF
our most respectable citizens and a m en-
ber of the grand jury" replied the re-
porter. "You don't say so. Come to
look at him closer, he is an elegant gen
tleman, by Jimminy / have great
veneration for grand juries. Out in my
county / have been indicted by every
grand Jury I've not been foreman of for
the past ten years. Grand juries are a
terror for the criminal element, they
are"
There are two periods in every mans
life when he feels, deep down in his
heart that If the earth was to open and
swallow him up, it would be pleasure
to him-one is when he steals up stairs
with the old mans razor to take his first
shave; and the other is the first Sunday
in high hat
If mems bodies were in proportion to
the size of their souls, some of our first
citizens could button their collars around
their boot tops.
"While conversing yesterday on fnan-
cial topics with the president of one of
our leading banks, we remarked" etc.
1t was in this style that country editor
opened his leading editorial few weeks
ago 1t subsequently, transpired that he
had gone in there to request the loan of
dollar.
A dandy of twenty-six having been
termed an "old bachelor" app aled to an
elderly gentleman to decide whether he
should be called old or not. giving his age
as twenty six" Said the elderly gentle
man: ut is owing to how you take it.
Now, for a man, it is old enough; but,
for a goose, it is rather old"
IL makes a toy sick to look at The pic
ture of Turk and think what biz pock-
cts he could have in his pantalooLs.