Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1877-06-12

fact"
The reason why rats desert n sinking
ship has been rediscovercd by the Bur
lington Hawkeye. 1t is because Of their
superior gnawtical science.
A Yale sophomore, recently excused
from work because of sore eyes. made his
second 400 yards bulls eye at rife shoot
just as his professor came up to congra-
tulate him on his speedy recovery.
Freedom Centennial Stackpole is
small boy of Salmon Falls, n. II. 1t is
rare to find in one name so much Of hu-
man attainment, national history and
agricultural progress.
Jonah wrote to his father when the
whale first swallowed him stating that he
thought he had found good opening for
young man going into the oil business
but afterwards wrote for money to bring
him home, stating that he had been sucked
in.
"A compositor, setting up a report Of
horse race, said, 1.-The fool sellers were
busy instead Of "the pool Sellers but
it did not alter the sense Of the para
graph much.
Marx Twain never dares to tell an
old joke in the presence Of his wife. If
she knows it, her face remains rebukingly
solemn, and so tells everybody that the
story has done duty before.
A subscription paper was lately cir
culated with the following object in view
1--WE subscribe and pay the amount set
against our names for the purpose of pay
ing the organist and boy to blow the
same :"
Don't you think you have preju-
dice against the prisoner ?" asked a law
yer of witness. Avery likely" was
the reply, Il have caught him stealing
two or three times
Charles, playtully-"How much,
really, did that hat cost, Jennie ?" Jennie,
archly-"If you really want to inspect
the bills for my dry goods, Charles, there
is a way to do it." And what else could
Charles do but propose on the spot
"A little six-year old city boy went
into the country visiting He had bowl
Of bread and milk. He tasted it, and
then hesitated a moment, when his mother
asked him if he didn't like it, to which
he replied, smacking his lips, "Yes, ma'am
| was only wishing our milkman would
keep a cow
The following remark could come
from no other quarter than Norwich, Conn;
"a man who can sit with his feet in u
pail of hot water. with a strip of red fan
mel about his throat, and not feel the ten
der influence of spring, is dead to the
subtle instincts which link humanity to
nature"
The Norwich Bulletin says that the
present elevated style Of bonnet has the
great drawback that a man who sits be-
hind one in church thinks he is hidden
from the rest Of the congregation, and
never puts anything into the contribution
box.
A CoNyICT WISER THAN HIS JUDGE -
The history Of Jurisprudence probably
does not afford a more amusing story than
that Of an incident which occurred not
long since in an English court, when
man who had been convicted at the previ-
Gus session of an attempt to steal, was
brought up and sentenced to five years
penal servitude. What five years for
an attempt !" he exclaimed. 1T ought
only to be two years" He went back to
his cell ; but his comment on the sentence
was correct, and in few minutes he was
recalled to the dock, when an amended
sentence was passed upon him. Il told
you so :" he remarked triumphantly, and
he went back to his cell, elated at having
saved three years.
There is a man on West Hill who
hasn't solitary hair on his head, and his
wife makes him sit in the blue glass rays
FIVE hours day. She says if Pleasanton
isn't the worst liar in the universe, she is
going to have something to catch hold of
the next time that man Of hers comes
home at three o'clock in the morning from
Presidential torchlight procession
Hawkeye.
"A Clergyman has just united in mar
riage a couple whose names were respect
lively Benjamin and Ann. "How did
they appear during the ceremony ?" asked
friend. They appeared both Annie
mated and Bennieftted," was the reply.
The Orientals are very trusting to
each other. Are you not afraid TO 60
away from your shop without locking
it ?" traveller asked an Egyptian up the
river. "Oh, no, answered the man COOL
ly, "there is not Christian within three
miles,"
Why should inferior authors have
their works printed in vermillian -? To