West-Jersey pioneer., 1877-10-25
NO. 1917
VARIETIES.

A feathered fraud-The gull.
A quiet spirit-A whiskey still.
Foot rule-Avoid tight shoes.
A favorite exclamation-A lass!
Best stable butter-Billy the goat
Every honeymoon has man in it.
Children's wearl Who'd think it.
Imposing igures-Booked accounts.
An auctioneer's motto-Buy and buy.
The tobacco chewer's music-Spit-tune.
The end of the world-To make money.
measure of value"-The golden rule.
Flytime-Whe you have plenty of stamps.
What makes pair of boots? Two boots.
Something for ladies' ears only-Ear-
rings.
How to curtail your expenses-Sell your
dog.
There is no law against opening a postal
card.
The powder for oarsmen-A rowshell
powder.
colored postmaster is now called black
mailer.
Captured battle flags should be of SUBJ
dued colors.
Books most influenced by hard times are
pocket books.
The article chiefly sold at most fancy
fairs-The visitor
ha hocf ind; fo
homeward bound.
The money and hair of fool are soon
parted in the middle.
Good little bootblacks are shining exam
pies of what boys can do.
A standing gagement-Popping the
question over the front gate
Irregular eating surprises mans stom-
ach, and gets it out of order.
'My first purchase is my last" said a
cobbler, who had just set up business.
Minnesota consumptive spends most of
his time on the top of hay stack.
If word to the wise is sufficient, advise
to fool is thrown away entirely.
/ The man who does not set himself up too
high will not get hurt when he falls.
| Mr.. Shook, of Illinois, shook hands with
a mad bull, and was soon afterward buried.
Truth, though it always lies between two
extremes does not always lie in the middle.
Pat says: "And sure, nearly iviry frind I
hev lift in the woruld hez been ded long
since.''
| To train up boy in the way he should
go, it is necessary to switch him off OCCASION
ally.
Call the next baby Elaine, after Tenny-
sons heroine. Then, when she is cross,
call her Madelaine.
| The price of whiskey is increasing SO rap
idly that only the rich and proud can afford
1 to have any bread in the house.
1t makes boy sick to look at the picture
of Turk, and think what big pockets he
could have in his pantaloons.
When Chinese sea captain wishes to sell
his ship, where would he take it? Why to
the junk dealer, of course.
"He was one of our most energetic trus-
tees" says village paper in an obituary
notice, "and we trustees happy"
When proposing to widow, the question
whether her first husband is dead or divorced
should be put as delicately as possible.
An old subscriber writes to us that since
his daughters have discarded the old style
hustle, his paper is no longer in arrears.
Did you ever notice a mans face under
the influence of first bite of rhubarb pie,
which the cook had forgot to sweetenP
In Arkansas neckties are cheap. The
crowd puts one round your neck, sings it
over tree, and it doesn't cost you anything.
What is the difference between delin-
quent printer and a mad landlord? One
tramps the track and the other tracks the
tramp.
The London Rothschild is dead, and every
poor devil of an editor remarks, with salts
fed complacency, that "money could not
save him." Poverty don't save a man
either.
Max Strackosch has engaged Clara Lou
lisa Kellogg to sing 100 nights for $1O0, 200.
Max could have saved just $50, 600 by en-
gaging us.
Whiskey left in cask seven years will
lose it's fusil oil.-Er. And cask left in
Kentucky newspaper Office seven days will
lose its whiskey.
William Mcclure has been imprisoned in
Philadelphia for having bitten off the nose
of VIM. Rose. A Rose without nose will
not smell as sweet.
The intensely poetical editor of Texas
paper describes receut gorgeous sunset in
: that vicinity as resembling ripe pumpkin
wrapped in the American flag.
That's great victory for the right "
said friend of Spilkins, the other day, al
luding to the French elections, eyes, overl
the left, replied Leander.
The most puzzling thing about an editor
shears is the antipathy usually existing be-
tween that useful article and the italics
found at the bottom of the paragraph.
There is man in Indiana, who takes
thirty-two newspapers, and you might as
we'll try to ride whirlwind on side sad
die as to attempt to impose upon that man.
All Jams is the name of Chinaman in
, Nevada He is addicted to the flowing
bowl, and some days it is impossible to rec
ognize him from his brother Jim Jams.
Mrs. Spilkins, reading that Gen. Crook
had just captured hundred lodges, devoutly
expressed the wish that her husbands lodge
) might be among the number.
GA Miss Post is the reigning beauty at
Newport, and all the young men want to
: tie to her. "This is generally the case of