Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1877-03-03
VIRGINIA FREE PRESS.
/. /. \. B. GlIlllEl. Editors.
Jefferson Co., W. Va.
OFFIcE IN "JEFFEKsoS BUILDING"
Saturday, March 3. 1877.
CAPITAL UNDBRToNEs.
WAsnrxGroN. February 10. 1917.

An old adage tells us that /" fine feathers
don't make fine birds" The truth Of the pro-
verb was forced upon me yesterday morning
se, returning from the fer West End, ] en-
couutcred the tide of fashionable humanity
lie First Ward-ers sometimes known as So
c:ely y vending lis stately way home from
service" The throng was indeed a Stately
Que. There were corpulent old cabinet Off
GERS aud their dowager ladies' ell clouded up in
mass of silk and velvet and lace. There
were gay and fautlessly attired gallants-
"sprigs Of society "-escorii1g young ladies
fcariully arrayed in combinations Of dress per-
lcctly iucomprehensible to the masculine mind,
aud wearing little loves Of bonuets precarious-
ly existing, in perpendicular, on the back Of
the head Regarding this arrangement Of the
head gear young friend Of mine, who is pre-
sumcd to speak authorltatively on such mat
ters, has at last consented to crafty ny curl
osity ns to how (in thpnder) the bonnet is per-
suaded to stick fast 10 the coiiuTe. She says
that the ladies-God bless 'om-have circular
pieces Of paper, thoroughly gummcd on both
sides, aud cut 10 tit exactly the interior Of the
thiugummaig-l mean the bonnet. 4 peck
or so Of these prepared papers comes with each
Well, now, you zee, when the young woman
beg pardon, young lady-wants to fix on her
hat all she has TO do is TO Call her maid, or, II
she hasn't maid, yell for her husband. Eli
tier of these supernumcraries have only o.
seize one Of the prepared papers, lick both
sides asSiduously with the tongue, clap the pa
per into The tluugum-bonuet aud clap it en-
crcetcallv on the back Of Malames head who
is supposed to be standing patiently in front Of
the toilet glass, awaiting tie lorcb'e corona
ton thus described il sometimes happens,
pursued NY fair informant, that awlwarduess
IN performing this duty entails mischief, es-
pccialIy il the manipulation is the husband and
a green hand at it, besides. Under such cir
cumstauces it occasionally happens that the
man and master but the maid" IHofclnpOre is
turrcd 10y my lady's gestures Of impatiencc
He hurredly dampens the paper in the refined
manner above noted. Fearing delay will dry
the moisture. lie seizcs the irail love Of a Gon-
net aud Inserts the piece Of paper so vigorous
ly As to punch a hole clean through the crown
Intuition and sharp eye tells him that the
profusion of feather and flower on top will hide
this, so lie is not discomposed. lie rushes
frautital'y to Misunderstanding serencly be-
fore her mirror-surpfiscs Madame with o
fearful thump on The back Of the head as be
rams home ;bc bonnet, aud almost succeeds IN
ramming Madame's head, bonnet and all,
straight through the glass. But pardon this
lengthy aside" As ! was saying the fash
iouaJle worshippe:s srrged past ne in long
lines Of ledizzcned danes and excruciating
teauv some Of the latter Ulsitred up 70 their
cars. And as the thronc went by, each cou-
pie talking ally, | took in the T,fued picture
lnlso, aud necessarily. IN atmosphere heavily
charged with Lubiu's Bestl-and thausc! my
stars that We had " society such as this
Yes, " society, thought !, which could equal
Tickys on the toiher side Of the water, in beau
ty, grace end polished conversation. Alas
JUS; then party Of three swept by mc-one
gentleman and two, well yes. ladies: ard as
they passed one Of those feminine voices float
cd back with the chaste remark
"Why yes Aud that's what's the matter with
Hannah"
Enthusiasm vilted.
l shall close these present UEDEaToYEs by
submitting the following rhymes which found
their way to me, anonymously, on Wednesday
last, tie l4th Of February, day, believe,
dedicated somehow 20 Love and Romaace tie
yearly recurrence Of which finds the fcaihcred
tribe mating like mad, and Uncle Sans pos
tal arrangements strangely overtaxcd. A gift
chrome awaits the self-coulcssed author or au-
thOress Of the Subjoined