davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
Training for the Trapeze.

The New York correspondent of the
Chicago Tribune writes as follows:
Considering the number of flying ira
peze performers in the country attached
to various circus organizations and va
riety shows, it is hardly surprising that
there should exist in this city two regu-
lar training schools TO prepare the per-
formers in the dangerous art. In fact il
will be found that in almost every we'll
ordered gymnasium in the country the
trapeze is. part of the apparatus, and
trapeze performances part of the regular
exercises. But as the gymnasiums are
for men only, the training schools are
principally patronized by females. One
of these institutions is in a former dane
ing hall on Avenue A. near Tompkins
Square, and is in charge of a retired cir
cus-rider. 1t is regarded as second
class affair. The other is in close prox-
unity to the more aristocratic quarter of
Lexington Avenue, and is kept by
professor and wife, both of whom have
won high honors in public. Their So
called school consists of large apart
ment with heavy coating of sawdust
on the floor, and stout netting half way
between the trapeze and the ground.
This is protection only against the fly-
ing acts. In the beginning pupils are
exercised upon the trapeze which hangs
within eight feet of the ground, which
gives them confidence, as a fall from that
height to the ground can never be seri-
Gus. The pupils are mostly females. yet
males are taught at different hours. The
professor says that young women can be
taught more daring acts in half the space
of time required for men. One of the
statements made by the professor seems
almost incredible. He says he has fire.
quent applications from young women OF
good rank in society who are facinated
by the idea of becoming trapeze per
formers, and one Of the very best pupils
he ever had, who could execute wonder
full feats in the air, belonged to wealthy
city family. She never appeared IN
public, and why she persevered in the
trying ordeal required for perfection in
this art he never could.comprehend.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
Browns Matrimonial Method,

"Brown, I don't see how it is that
your girls all marry off as soon as they
get old enough, while none of mine can
marry"
"Ohl that's simple enough l marry
my girls off on the buckwheat straw
principle"
But what is that principle? ] never
heard of it before"
"Well, ] used to raise. good deal of
buckwheat, and 1t puzzled ME to know
how to get rid of the straw. Nothing
would eat it, and it was great bother to
me. AT last thought of plan. /
stacked my buckwheat nicely and built,
a high rail fence around it. My cattle,
of course, concluded it was something
good, and at once tore down the fence
and at once began to eat the straw. / dog
ged them away and put up the fence q
few times, but the more / drove them
away the more anxious they became to
eat the straw. After this had been re-
peated few times the cattle determined
to eat the straw, and eat it they did, ev-
cry bit of it. AS I said I marry nv
girls off on the same principle. When
young man that l don't like begins
calling on my girls / encourage him in
every way | can. / tell him to come
often and stay as late as he pleases, and
| take pains to hint to the girls that ]
think they'd set their caps for him. 1t
works first rate. He don't make many
calls, for the girls treat him as coolly as
they can. But when young fellow that
like comes around, man that think
would suit me for SON. in-law, don t
let him make many calls before / give
him to understand that he isn't wanted
around my house. tell the girls, too,
that they shall not have anything to do
with him, and give them orders never to
speak to him again. The plan always
works first rate. The young folks begin
to pity each other, and the next thing ]
know they are engaged to be married.
When see that they are determined to
marry ! always give in and pretend to
make the best of it. That's the way ]
manage it.-[Dubuque Telegraph.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
1 Wish 1 Had Capital.

So we heard great strapping young
man exclaim the other day in an office.
We did want 10 give him piece of our
mind so bad; and we'll just write to
him. You want capital, do you? And
suppose you had what you call capital,
what would you do with it?" You want
capital? Haven't you hands and feet,
and muscle, and bone, and brains, and
don't you call them capital? What
more capital did God give anybody?
"Oh, but they are not money" say you.
But they are more than money, and mo-
body can take them from you. Don't
you know how to use them? If you
don't it's time you were learning
Take hold of the first plow or hoe, or
jack-plane, or board-ax you can find,
and go to work. Your capital will
soon yield you a large interest. Aye,
but there's money on credit, that you
may play gentleman and speculate, and
end by playing the vagabond. Or you
want plantation with plenty of hire
lings upon 1t to do the work, while you
run over the country and dissipate; or
you want to marry some rich girl who
may be foolish enough to take you for
your good looks, that she may support
you. Shame on you, young man. Go
to work with the capital you have, and
you will soon make interest enough up
on it to give as much money as you
want, and make you feel like man.
If you can't make money on what mon
ey you have, you could not make it if
you had million of dollars in money.
If you don't know how to use bone and
muscle and brains, you would not know
how TO use gold. II you let what capi-
tai you have lie idle and waste and rust
out, it would be the same thing with
you if you had goldl you would only
know how to waste it. Then don't
stand about idle, great helpless child,
waiting for some one to come and feed
you, but go TO work. Take the first
work you can find, no matter what it is,
so long as you do it we'll. Yes, what
ever you undertake, do it we'll; always
do your best. If you manage the capi-
tai you already have, you will soon
have plenty more to manage but if
you can't or won't manage the capital
God has given you, you will never have
any other to manage. Do you hear,
young man?
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
Proverbs of the Billings Family.

Don't swap with your relashuns un-
less ye ken afford to give them the big
end of the traid
Marry young and if circumstances re-
quire it, often.
II you kant git gud cloths and educa-
tion too, git the cloths.
Say how are ye? tn every body.
Kultivate modesty, but mind and
keep a good stock Of impotence on
hand.
Be charitable. The sent pieces was
made on purpose.
Don't take anybody else's advice but
your own.
If man flatters yu, yu kan kalkilate
he is roge, or yure fule.
Keep both ize open; don't see more'n
half you notis.
Don't NORTH the flesh too much;
'twant the sores tina: sent Lazarus tew
heaven.
Il you ich for fame, 60 inter grave
yard and scratch yourself on tune
stone.
Beggars don't have tu advertize for
runawa dogs.
"'Tis long lane that never turns"
and tbs good mill that always dus.
Young man, be more anxious about
the pedigree yur going to leave, than
yon are about the wun sumbo dy il going
to leave yu.
Nature is nature, yu kant alter the
krook of dogs tail much and preserve
the length of it tew.
/ wud sa to all young men, "go in,'l
and to all the old fellars, "kum out"
About as sure way tu git rich as
emmy l know of is ter git in det for q
hundred thousand dollars, and then &c
to work and pay oph the det.
Philosophers tell US that the world re
wolves .on its axes, and Josh Billings
tells US that full half the folks on the
arth think tina are the axes.
n. B.-These ere proverbs hev stood
for more'n a hundred years, and hahn
gin out yet.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
Writing in the Dark.

The noctograph is a simple invention
by means of which any one may write in
the dark with ease, and is consequently
blessing to those whose eyes are over
worked. 1t may be made by child. A
board of smooth black walnut, eleven
inches in length by ten inches in width,
has upon it walnut frame like slate
frame, somewhat smaller than the board
Board and frame are fastened together
by small hinges From side to side of
the frame are stretched sixteen small
brass wires, and one can write between
them, the wires serving not to guide the
hand exactly, but to prevent the running
together of the lines. 1t is best to use
ordinary soft paper and a lead pencil
The paper is held in place by the frame
which shuts down upon the boards as
one side of double slate shuts upon the
other. True, one may acquire the habit
of writing in the dark without any such
aid, but this noctograph simpli6es mat
tiers. There are many who, from var
ious causes, find it impossible to write
by bright light, and to them we rec
ommend the use of the noctograph.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
He Ordered Oyster Stews.

One OF those toll hardened, true-hearted
chaps, often read of in romance, made
his appearance on the Campus Martius
yesterday, and his sympathies were at
once aroused by the sight of three or
four old men standing around with their
buck-saws and waiting for work.
"I'll be hanged, if it isn't tough" he
replied when they told him that they
hadn't any work for a month, "How
would you like some oysters?"
They smacked their lips by way of
reply, and he gathered up crowd of
eight, marched them to restaurant and
ordered oyster atews for each of them.
ut just does my soul good to see
them eat!" be said to the owner of the
place as they got to work.
"Yes, it's a beautiful sight," was the
reply.
at makes ME feel good in here" con-
tinued the stranger, laying his hand on
his heart.
"a good deed brings its own reward ~
was the soft answer of the restauranter
as he calculated his profits.
81 can't rest here-I must do further
good" said the big hearted stranger
and he rushed out and brought in three
negroes, chimney sweep, two boys and
an old woman, and ordered mere oysters
The fifteen people went for oyster soup
in manner to amaze, and their guar
dian nudged the restauranter in the rib.
and said:
"See the gentle lambs! Oh! that i
could feed the poor of all America!"
"You are a good man, and HEAVIER
will reward you" replied the proprieto
as he filled the dishes up again.
The stranger said be wanted to bring
in just five more, SO as to say he fed a,
even score, and he rushed out after then
while the restauranter sent after NOR
crackers and oysters. The stranger di'
not return. He was last seen climbing
into farmers sleigh on State street ant
guiding his team to the west.
The. fifteen in the restaurant licke,
their plates clean and departed in Joy
full procession, and the last one ha
passed out before the man who furnish
i ed the soup had got through waiting fo
the big-hearted stranger. There wer
oaths and slang phrases and watchword
and expressions delivered in the pures
a Of English, but what mattered it to tn
, fifteen soup devourers, who drew up i
, line opposite and
f RESOLVED, That them oysters jus
touched the spot."--[ Free Press.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26

A man on ninth street, whose appe-
tite for sleeping is improved by glass
of ale before retiring, got his ale bottle
out the. other night and began to look
for the corkscrew. He looked on the
mantlepiece, on the stand, in the drawer,
all over the dinning room, in the kitch-
en-, up stairs, down in the collar, in the
bath room and on the front steps.
After consuming an hour in hunting
he concluded to open the bottle with his
knife. He dug half the cork out, broke
his knife blade, and then punched the
balance of the cork down the bottle
with his finger, which finger went down
into the bottle below the first joint, and
he couldn't get it out. He went around
the room with the bottle hanging to his
hand and the ale squirting up his sleeve
Finally all the ale gave out and he was
preparing to 60 to bed with the bottle
on his finger when the bottle broke ant
he was released. He said his prayer
and went to bed, and in the morning
found the corkscrew in his pocket. HI
never swore to exceed one hundred
times during the whole of the perform
ance.-[L La Crosse Sun.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
The Distance of the Sun.

If some celestial railway could be
imagined, the journey to the sun, even
if our trains ran sixty miles an hour,
day and night, and without a stop,
stop, would require over one hundred
and aeventyfve years. Sensation, even,
would not travel, so far in human life
time. To borrow the curious iIlustra-
tion of Professor Mendenhall, if we
could imagine an infant with an arm
long enough to enable him to touch the
sun and burn himself, he would die of
old age before the pain could reach him,
sipce, according to the experiments of
Helmholtz and others, nervous shock
is communicated only at the rate OF
about 100 feet per second, or ], 1,637 miles
day, and would need more than $50
years to make the journey. Sound
would do it in about IA years if it could
be transmitted through celestial space,
and cannon ball IN about 9, if it were
to move uniformly with the same speed
as when it left the muzzle of the gun. If
the earth could be suddenly stopped in
her orbit, and allowed to fall unobstruct-
ed toward the sun under the accelerating
influence of his attraction, she would
reach the central fire in about four
months. I have said if she could be
stopped, but such is the compass of her
orbit that, to make its circuit in a year,
she has to move nearly nineteen miles a
second, or more than fifty times faster
than the swiftest rife ball; and in NOV
ing twenty miles her path deviates from
perfect straightness by less than one
eighth of an inch. And yet, over all the
circumference of this tremendous orbit
the sun exercises his dominion, and ev.
cry pulsation of his surface receives its
response from the subject earth.-[ Pro
fessor G. A. Young. in Popular Science
Monthly for February.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26

New York Graphic: The epidemic
of panic spreads to the church as we'll as
theater. In Astoria, quite recently, the
galleries of the Dutch Reformed Church,
being crowded, showed signs of giving
way, and the usual frenzied rush occur
red. We al e waking up to the existence
of ecclesiastical man-traps over the
whole country. AS every denomina-
ton and shade of denomination must
have its own church, and as division
and subdivision cut up the community
into numerous small bodies, and there
being a consequent division and subdi-
vision of cash, the result is that churches
must be built as cheaply as possible. So
they go up, weak in the knees, weak in
floor supports, weak in gallery pillars,
and weak in steeples, which are now
capsizing in every heavy gale. These
devotional houses of shingle exist by
the ten thousand, and on every special
occasion are liable to be smashed, and
the future will prove it. The climax of
this theological, architectural stupidity
eliminates when people tear down, as
often they do, the stout old oak framed
church built by their grandfathers and
supplant it by the present shingle trap.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26

A letter written by Lord Macaulay in
1857, and now published for the first
time in Harper's Monthly, contains the
following passage: at is quite plain
that your Government will never be able
to restrain asdistressed and discoptented
majority. For with you the majority is
the Government, and has the rich, who
are always minority, absolutely at its
mercy The day will come when in the
State of New York a multitude of peo-
pie, none of whom has had more than
half breakfast, or expects to have more
than half dinner, will choose Legis-
lature. Is it possible TO doubt what sort
of a Legislature will be chosen? y
l seriously apprehend that you will, in
some such season of adversely, do things
which will prevent prosperity from re-
turning. There will be, fear, spolia-
tion. The spoliation will increase the
distress. The distress will produce fresh
spoliation. There is nothing to stop
you. Your Constitution is all sail and
no anchor. AS / said before, when a
society has entered upon this downward
progress, either civilization or liberty
must perish. Either some Cesar OF
Napoleon will seize the reins of govern
ment, or your republic will be as fear
fully plundered and laid waste by bar
barians in the twentieth century as tn.
Roman Empire was in the fifth.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
POETRY.
ABOVE THE STORM.

The winds Of the winter have breaihsd their
Far over the wood and the Ieaf-strevn plain:
They have passed, forlOrn, BY the mountain
Down The shores Of the moaning main,
And the breast Of the smitten sea divides.
TIL the voice Of winds and the voice OF tides
seem blsnt with the roar OF the central surses,
Whose fruitless burrows are sown with rain.
The pines look down, and their branches shiver
ON the misty slopes Of the mountain wall,
And I hear the shout Of the mountain river
Through the gloom Of the ghostly gorges call
While from drifting depths of the troubled sky
Outringeth the eagles Wild reply,
20 shrill that the startled echoes culver;
And the veil Of the tempes, Is over all
groaning forssti wind that rushes
Cnfsttered and fierce as a doom maligDl
How the pulses leap, how the heart-tide nushes
The temples and brow, like the flush Of wine.
As pause, as hearken the vast commotion
OF the air, Of the earth, OF the vakened ocean;
And my soul goes forth with the storm that
With the bathing foam and the binding brine,
Than ever was Natures With ruin rife,
And the hame OF Its hghtnings can bide no
longer,
Ensheateed at the core Of clouded life;
And its pent-up thunders, unloosed at last,
Keep time 20 the bythmic rage Of the blast,
For my spirit, half-maddened by Fates that
I. shaken by passion, and hot With strife,
An God for the wings Of the eagle above me,
with their stendfast vigor and royal might;
All God for an impulse like theirs 70 move me
In endless courses Of upward fight;
The clouds may billov, the yapors heave,
But still his pinions the darkness cIeave;
And proudly serene in those realms above me
He 10 soaring from conquered height 10 height:
TIL at length his great, broad vans at even
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
Little Folks Dictionary.

Bed time-shut-eye time.
Dust-Mud with the juice squeezed
out.
Fan-A thing to brush the warm off
with.
Fins-A fsh's wing.
Ice-Water that stayed out in the
cold and went to sleep.
Monkey-A very little boy with tail.
Salt-What makes your potatoes taste
bad when you don't put any on.
Snoring Letting of sleep.
snow-Rain all popped out white.
Wakefulness-Eyes all the time COM
ing unbuttoned.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26

If smallpox can be cured by cream
of tartar, it is time everybody knew the
fact. A correspondent of the Liverpool
Mercury says that it is not only never
failing remedy in the worst cases, but is
also preventive. The directions are
to dissolve one ounce of cream of tartar
in pint of boiling water, and to drink,
when cold, at short intervals. Not q
very exact prescription, to be sure, but
the remedy is so simple that it may be
we'll worth trying. 1t is said that
thousands have thus been cured and
that no marks of the disease remain.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
lIISCELLANY,
Return of Jews to Palestine.

The year 1877 is likely to do more
than the astrologers find promised in its
two lucky figure sevens; it will proba-
bly, witness the birth of several new ma
tions. They may be born amid the
pangs of war, though to-day the signs
are more auspicious; but they will be
born. Not only will one, more proba-
bly, two, constitutional and materially
protected nations be born within the
limits of Ottoman suzerainty, but Egypt
will be remade by England. The new
scheme of widening the Suez Canal
really means the colenizing of Egypt
with many of the ablest Englishmen
and the renovation of the Khedive's
Government. The keen instinct of the
Jews has forefelt what is coming. /
wrote you some time ago that remark
able migration to Palestine was going
on among that people, and that the signs
of it were observable in many closed
Jewish homes In London. A traveller
who has just returned here writes in to-
days Times that he found the whole re-
gion from Dan to Beersheba crowded
with immigrant Jews from all parts of
the world. Whatever may have caused
the gathering of Jews to Palestine, the
fact is certain. And the traveller who
has remarked it no doubt represents the
hope he found among them in his init
nation that England might we'll assist
in the restoration of Jerusalem and the
foundation there of Jewish republic,
or other liberal Government. The
proposition is one likely to spread like
wild-ire. The average orthodox Chris
tian world will at once recognize the
Divine hand stretched forth to fulfil
prophecy, and any amount of money
could be raised here for such purpose.
When Egypt and Syria are taken in
hand it will become at once necessary to
reduce Arabia to order. The world has
been so absorbed in nearer Turkish af.
fairs as hardly to have noticed that
Arabia is at present the arena of civil
war; Cincinnati Commercial.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26
The Horse and the Earthquake.

It Is curious how the instincts of an
animal anticipate convulsions of nature
before the reason of man foresees il.
Audubon relates a striking case of this
sort when riding at the West:
In the month of November the natur-
alist was riding along on,horseback, when
he heard what he imagined to be the
distant rumbling of violent tornado.
""On which," he says, 81 spurred my
steed, with wish to gallop as far as
possible to place of shelter; BIT tut would
not do; the animal knew better than /
what was forthcoming, and instead of
going faster, so nearly stopped that ]
remarked that he placed one foot after
another on the ground with as much
precaution as if riding on a sheet of ice.
81 thought that he had suddenly been
foundered, and speaking to him, was on
the point of dIsmounting and leading
him. when he all at once fell groaning
piteously, hung his head, spread out his
forelegs as if to save himself from fall
ing and stood stock still, continuing to
groan. / thought my horse was about
to die, and would, if 1 had the time,
have sprung from his back had minute
more elapsed, but at that instant all the
shrubs and trees began to move from
their very roots, the ground rose and fell
in successive burrows, like the ruffied
waters of lake, and became bewild-
cred in my ideas, as l too plainly dis
covered that this awful commotion in
nature was the result OF an earthquake.
The fearful convulsion, however, contin-
ued only few minutes, and the heavens
again frightened up as quickly as they
became obscured, my horse brought his
feet to their natural position, and raised
his head and galloped off as if loose and
frolicking without a rider"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-01-26

American Colonels in the service OF
the Khedive of Egypt receive as pay
$3.50 per month, with allowance for
quarters and duty in the provinces.
Contrncts are made for five years. with
the right of renewal on the part OF the
Government. Travelling expenses from
the United States are paid. and in case
of an honorable discharge, the return ex-
penses. with six months full pay, are
granted. If an officer is compelled TO
resign on account of the climate, he re-
ceives two months pay and mileage
home. In case Of death from ordinary
causes, the widow or family receives one
years full pay; bul if the otiicer'is hill
ed in battle, or is wounded so that death
ensues, his widow receives pension
equal to half his pay, which is continued
until her death or remarriage, when Il is
divided among the children until the
boys become of age and the girls marry.
An oath Of fidelity is exacted. and all
American officers are Obliged to renounce
the protection of our diplomatic agents
and trust to the Egyptian tribunals.