The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-12-28

rial writer of wonderful witfand point,
He tells serious truths in an ironical
way and his latest volley, delivered
from that paper of Dec l3, is full OF
sharp points. We copy the article in
full
The meeting which was held in this
city on Tuesday evening in aid of the
Christian home for Incorporate men
ought to call the attention of the public
tn the fact that drunkenness is one Of
the most profitable occupations in which
young men can at the present. time en-
gage.
Drunkards may be divided into two
classes the professional and amateur
drunkards. While the former cultivate
drunkenness as the business of their
lives, the latter have other means of
support, and their drunkenness is merely
a recreation Nevertheless the young
man who occupies subordinate position
in any Office or mercantile house will, if
he is wise, become an amateur drunk
ard. But little effort is needed in or
der to become intoxicated at regular or
irregular intervals, and the benefits of
such course are indisputable. The
amateur drunkard is treated by his en-
plOyers with a degree of consideration
which his sober and industrious rival
never receives. If the latter takes an
Unauthorized holiday, whether for amuse.
ment or for the benefit of his health or
private business, he is severely repri-
manded, his salary is docked, or he is
peremptorily discharged. The amateur
drunkard, on the other hand, can absent
himself from business whenever he
cho oses, without mourning the displeas-
ure of his employers. When he fails to
appear at his accustomed desk or coun.
ter, they simply and smilingly remark
that he "is off again." and OF der sober
clerk to assume the amateur drunkard's
duties in addition to his own. When
the drunkard returns to duty he is well
coined in kind and raternal manner,
and told that he really must turn over a
new leaf. Though The rare absences of
the sober clerk are regarded as imperti.
nent outrages, it is assumed that the
absences of the amateur drunkard are
the results of a law of nature, and are
to be meekly accepted as inevitable.
la addition to this valuable privilege
Of frequent holidays, the amateur drunk
ard is always credited with exceptional
ability. He is uniformly described as
person of extraordinary talents a thor.
oughly good fellow, who is nobody's
enemy but his own. The sober man,
who never loses day and does his duty
conscientiously, is regarded as a dull,
common place person, whereas, if he had
the astuteness to become an amateur
drunkard, and neglect his duty two days
in every six, he WOULD earn the reputa-
tion of a man of rare genius These
facts are so notorious that it is difficult
to comprehend why so many young men,
who, by the aid of occasional drunken
ness, might earn innumerable holidays
and enviable regulations, should be con
tent to remain sober and industrious,
without ever striving to rise above their
despcable level.
Profitable as amateur drunkenness is,
it is nevertheless much inferior DO pro.
fessional drunkenness. A man who by
assiduous practice becomes an eminent
drunkard occupies a most envablc posi-.
tion. His friends always speak of him
with the most tender affection, and i'm.
ply that he deserves the utmost kindness
and sympathy. Charitable people, who
lament the poverty of the sober man as
painful affair, with which sound politi-
cal economy forbids any attempt at in.
reference, will seek out the professional
drunkard and supply him and his family
with all the necessares of life. Reform.
ers will visit him in his intervals of So
briefly, to offer him their aid in obtain
ing employment-in case he is weak
enough to abandon his profession-and
to give him their cordial sympathy and
countenance. If he processes a willing
ness to remain temporarily sober, they
will hasten to introduce him into the
society of respectable people, and will
invite him to serious parties and mis-.
sionary entertainments, for the avowed
purposes of strengthening his self.re-
spect.
Meanwhile the sober mechanic, who
is out of work, and who lives perhaps
next door to the professional drunkard,
receives no presents of coal, food, or
clothing-in order of course, that his
self.respect may not be impaired and
no one dreams of finding employment
for him, or introducing him into the
houses of philahthropic reformers OF
course, it serves him right, for there is
no royal road TO the privileges of drunk
enness, and the man who remains
obstinately sober does not deserve the
attention of rciormatory societies or of
individual roformers.
To tho professional druukard is al.
ways open the brilliant career Of a re.
former. He can cease to drink, aud
can thereupon earn $50 "a night by de- |
Al. Al III