The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1877-06-29
How She Fooled Him.

How She Fooled Him.
John SanscriI t's wife went to bed Satur.
day night with her mind made up to fool
the old man next day Or diein the attempt
In previous years she had found John i'm.
peryious to jokes Of any kind, and she
realized the Augean task before her on the
morrow. With her mind made full of her
selfimposed task, she went to sleep.
At daylight she awoke, and at once
began to operate. Her victim was lying
with his back towards her, apparently in a
sound sleep. She poked him vigorously
in the ribs with her sharp elbows and claw
ed his shins with her toe-nails, preparatory
to startling him with a halfwhispered
warning
John, oh, John there's some one ring
ing the door-belll"
"Let 'em ring" was the sleepy response.
"But, John, maybe it's the man who
owes you that hundred dollars come to pay
you
''No faint, neither" said John with
yawn.
"But you don't know, and it may be the
very man"
Il guess not, for he's buried, Died last
week. Besides, old woman, your ears de-
ceive you. | took the bell-knob off last
night to fool April-foolers"
Heavens what a mess she had made
Of it to start with But when the old man
rolled out Of bed, yawned and picked up
his pants, she rammed the sheet in her
mouth to plug up her laughter.
ooh, jimmy, won't he tumble when be
puts his leg in them pants and finds the
legs sewed up" she said tc herself.
Judge Of her rage when the provoking
brute innocently carried the blockaded
brecches to the wardrobe, and inquired
"Nancy, where's them chocolate eolored
pants had on last week 2"
'tPut on the one you have in your hand, /
John. What's the matter with them ?"
i burst button off yesterday, and they
need mending."
At breakfast she poured out nice cup
Of coffee for him and sweetened it with two
spoonfulls Of salt.
"lou needn't give me any coffee, !" he
said; keep that yourself"
"Why, John, what's the matter? This
is the first time since we were married you
refused coffee
"The blamed stuff has made me nervous
lately, and as this is the first Of the month,
thought I'd break off and only drink it
for supper. You keep that yourself"
When he came home to dinner she had
prepared him neatly directed envelope
With sheet ofblank paper inclosed within
&c eyed It suspiciously, and, throwing i'll
nto the fire, said
Il know that handwriting. It's from
hat crazy lunatic who whant me to vote
Or him tomorrow. SO much for his let
err !
In the evening she disguised herself in
ne Of her husbands old suits and came
. the door to beg for charity.
"Please give me nickle to bay some i
read :
Get out, q III give Jon ! nieEle with ]
" boott'' 4
4Bat, sir, consider I'm starving.
"The devil you are i Now, I'll bet you I
fly dollars against the suit Of clothes you !
ear thatyon are an inpostor." =
'But, sir lb
aIfI we're to search yoa nov, I shouldn't 9
E surprised to find you loaded with ].
ealth. For two cents I would see a
For Heavens sake II
Now, none Of your soft soap on me. p
don't believe in beggars. Here, you police E
an, take this internal impostor to the y
aarest station house II
Just as the "peeler" grabbed the sup )
osed beggar By the back Of the neck, a II
lrill voice yelled i
John John you wouldn't send Q
,ur wife 10 the station-honse, would you?'a a
'.Tae deuce ] wouldn'ti'' was the re i,
'onse ANYBODY who lies to me about my i