Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-06-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS,

What the Sultan wants is more Sheik.
eis.
The "Boozey Bashouks y Is the latest
and worst
| The only way to look at woman's
faults is to shut your eyes.
Prof. Tice is out with the prediction
that there will be ffty-f thunder.storms
| this summer
Yes, young man, marry while poor.
and see the victuals disappear at the rate
OF two for-tea.
No. you are mistaken; it's music, not
double thickness wooden undershirt that
soothes the savage breast.
In ordor to stop conspiracies, the
O0nemerctG AdUerttser says, the Gar must
hold Caucus as quickly as possible.
California mining stocks which sold
for 900 per cent. premium last January
can now be had for thirty cents on the dol
lar.
-England makes 80, ,OO0, 900 pins day,
including hair-pins. We decline to say
what ha'pins to them all.-BatfaEo EI-
press.
business in New York seems to be re-
markably dull. Visitors there report the
hotel clerks amazingly civil.-Detrost Free
Press.
That joke about catching Sitting Bull
doing is supposed to have originated
somewhere about Indian nap -olis.-N. 7.
Commercial Ad0e,tiser.
-" Is Justice dead ?' inquiries a West
ern paper. Now we think of it, she has
certainly been conspicuously absent
long time.-R0chester Democrat.
The sewing machine companies have
determined to sell for cash and reduce
prices almost one-half. There's sense in
that movement.-Detrot Free Press
Uncle Sam has got mad at the way
his public timber has been stolen in Lou
lslana, and notice is given that some one
viii be hurt by the flying chips.-Detrott
Free Press
=" No." she replied, and she blushed
prettily as she slipped her number skies
back beneath her dress; mo, L do not
wear so small shoe as ones. My size is
quite large-I wear twos.'
yellow may be the fashion if it wants
TO, but all the red-headed girls say they
can get along with pale blue-they don't
care anything for style; they don't want
to look pretty.-Erctange.
When a fond mother can 90 into
school-rOom and whale a siX-foot teacher
for whipping her boy, it is not wise to say
that II she were in politics she could not
run primary meeting.-N. 7. Herald.
1t is rather curious that no philan
thropist ever takes d slc1ge and goes forth
to pound down the big nail-heads sticking
up on the sidewalks, though there is fame
Tor him IN such an act.-Detroit Free
Press.
one foahd thed saXnF sATn bXs bXsIf vtpge tge how easily
"sweat of his browr' He would have
only to stand in the sun for few min.
utes, and he would be comparatively
wealthy.
The light is breaking on the tramp
question. Two tramps have recently
fought a duel, one Of them being wound
ed. Might it not be we'll, when tramp
asks for bread, to give him revolver =
Rochester Chronicle.
-" you don't love me, thay so,"
lisped considerate lover
"But, NTH Mary, if you love me-"
Pressed the wretch, in accents bland,
And you wouldn't like so thay so,
Then, NTH Mary, thqueeth my hand"
The farmers of Atlantic County, N.
j., whose crops have been injured in The
past by potato beetles, are arranging for a
great meeting for prayer against the de-
stroyer. This is we'll, certainly: but let
them also remember and use Paris green
God helps those who help themselves
Buffalo Express.
AS dandy was vending his way
through narrow passage at the top of
Charlotte street, Glasgow, he met pretty
girl, and said to her: Pray, my dear,
what do you call this passage p" "Ba-
laams passage" she replied. "Ah,
then" said he, "I'm like Balaam-
stopped by an angel" "And l." re-
joined the girl, as she pushed past him,
"am like an angel-stopped by an ass" -
No man of feeling can go through the
parks these beautiful spring days and see
the greenest of green grass and yellowest
of yellow dandelions without a sigh for
the days when he had to hump it bare
footed two miles and a half for the COVE
every evening after school and return
home, with an appetite able towrestle with
a stewed walrus, and hopping on one heel
in consequence of a "pricker' three
inches long in the hollow of his foot
Dickinson's ''Crown of Thorns' and the
critics were nowhere in those days.-Pitts-
burgh Dispatch.
A garrulous passenger on the B., G..
r. & n. was loudly talking of his literary
attainments and of the number of books
he had read. "Have youread The Man
Who Laughs p" Sargent asked him.
"Oh, yes, - he'd read that. s'Have you
read Ninety Three?'" !" "Oh, yes"
4" Have you read Daniel Deronda9' ("
Oh, yes" "Have you red hair on your
head:" There was pause, moment Of
silence; the ripple of pleasant, subdued
cackle all around the car, and the passen-
ger spake no more of what he had read
Burlington aok-Eye.
The difference in climatic advantage
between the east and west banks of the
Mississippi in Louisiana is noticed in the
New Orleans papers. The river averages
but about 1000 yards in width, yet the
opposite banks are as differently marked
as if the interval were thousand miles.
Frosts seldom travel across the river
Whilst one side may be enjoying rain, the
other may be parched with drought. The
difference in vegetation is chiefly noticea-
BILE in the sugar culture, the plantations
on the west bank OF the river having great
advantages over those on the east bank,
and these advantages are described as an
the west side yielded 56, $50 hogsheads,
whilst that on the east side yielded but
"a, 091 hogsheads. These advantages are
causing the sugar-culture to be encouraged
On the west side, where the yield per acre
is greater; whilst the unfayorable compe
ution causes the culture to diminish on
the east stside.-PhiEadelphta Ledger.
The COssacks.
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