Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1877-03-31
The Husband in the Kitchen.

The Husband in the Kitchen.
Once upon a time there was man so surly
and cross that he thought that his wife never
did anything right in the house So one eve
ming in haymaking time be came home scolI-
ing, and showing his teeth aud making dust.
Dear. love, don I, that's a good man, said
his goody Tomorrow let's change onr wolk
III 60 with tbe'mowers and NOW, aud you
shall mind the house"
Yes the husband thought tia. would 10
well. lie was quite willing, he said.
SO carly next morning bis gooly took a
scythe over her shoulder ani went out into the
hay field with the mowers aud began to NOV;
but the man was to Mid the house and DO the
work at home
| Inst Of all he wanted to.churn butter, AMI
when he. had churned awhile be got thirsty and
went down 10 the cellar to tap a!baucl Of ale.
/ So, just when he had knocked 10 the Luog and
was putting the tap on the cask, he heard the
/ pig come into the kitchen overhead. Then OF
he ran up the cellar stairs, with the tap in bis
baud, as fast as he could, to look after the pig
| lest it should upset tho churn. Bot when ho
got up and saw that the ZIG had already knock
ed the churn over and stood there roofing aud
gruniing among the cream, which was running
all over the floor. be got so wild with rage that
he quite forgot the ale barrel and rushed at tho
pig as Lard as he could. lie caught Il, too,
just as it ran out Of the door, and gave it such
a kick that piggy lay for dead on the spot
| then all at once he remembered that he had tho
tap III lis hand ;-.ond when lie got down to tho
cellar every drop Of ale bad run out Of the
cask.
Then lie went into the dairy and found
enough cream left to fll the churn again. aud
SO he began 10 churn, for the butter - must
/ have for dinner. When he had churucd a biz
he remembered tha, the milking COW was siill
shut up in the burn and hadn't had BIT to
eat or a drop to drink all morning, though tho
sun was high. Then all at once he thought il
was too far to take Ler to tic meadow, so he'd
/ just get her up on the house top, for the house,
you must know, was thatchei with sols, and
a Gne crop was growing there. Now their
/ house lay close up against steep down, aud
he thought if he had plank across TO tie
thatch at the back he'd easily get the COW Up.
But still he couldn't leave the churn, f1r
there was his little babe crawling about on tho
floor, and if be left it be thought Tie child was
sure to upset il. So he took the cluru on lis
back and went out with it but then he thought
| he'd better first water the COW before lie turned
! her cut on the thatch so he took up a bucket
to draw water out Of the well bnt as DO
stopped down at the well 5 brink all nc cream
ran out Of tue cLurn over Lis shoulders and 50
/ down into thc.wel.
! Now it was near dinner time and ho bal
not even got the butter yet so he thought Lo
had better boil the porrJse, AMI Gllcd the PCT
With water aod hung it over the fire. When
be had done that he thought the COW might
| perhaps fil Oh the thatch aud break her legs
or neck. 20 be got up on the housc to tie her
up. One cad Of tho rope be tied fast to tic
cows neck, aud the other be slipped the chin
ney and tied round bis own thigh and bo
began to make haste, for the water nov began
to boil in tie pot, aud he had still to grird tho
oatmeal.
So be began to grind away bat while Lo
was hard atit down icll tie COW Of the house
top after al, and as she fell She dragged tbo
man up the chimney by tie rope. There 10
stuck fast. aud as for the COW, she hung half
way down the wall, swinging between heaven
aud earth, for she could neither get up uor
down.
Aud now tie soojy had waited seven lengths
and seven Jreadths for ler husband 10 come
and call them to dinner. At last Sic thought
she'd waited long enough aud went home
But when she got there and found the COW
hanging in such az ugly place sLe rsn up and
Gu. the rope in two with Der scythe. Bot as
she did this down came her husband out Of the
chimney, aud 20 when bis old dame came in
side the kitchen, there she fouad him standing
On his bead in tie porrdee pot;