Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1877-08-10
Mr.. webb,s Excursion.

If you had looked into the corri-
dor at the Central Station, yesterday
afternoon, you would have seen a
long, shiny nose sticking through
the barred door of cell No. 4, and
you might have heard a lonesome
voice crying out:
"Puttin' me in here won't make
bit of difference! Pn rip and tear
all the harder when / git outg''
His name is Webb. He is the
oldest son of an old farmer in Green
field township. He was in town the
other day with produce, and Just as
he was leaving the market boy ap-
preached him and asked him if he
didn't want to buy a church excur-
sion ticket for half price. 1t was to
be a beautiful excursion, the boy
SAID, with ice cream, and lemonade,
and handsome girls, and bashfui
widows all over the boat, and there
would be soft music by the band.
and sweet singing by the choir, and
shadowy angels would be lowering
near to pick up the awful good child,
ren who tumbled overheard.
"I'm right there, bub, "replied the
Oldest son, as he went down in his
vest for quarter; and he further
said that he'd been for years banker
ing to go on boss excursion up the
river. The ticket read that the boat
would leave her dock at sharp 9
o'clock, a. m. of Thursday. The
oldest son was on hand. He went
to the foot of Woodward avenue
and kept his eye looking for the
steamer Northwest. He didn't see
any church deacons around. No
crowds of white robed children sur
rounded him. At 10 o'clock the
Oldest son pulled out his card, walk
ed up to a knot of men and remark
ed:
elias this excursion gomez"
'That excursion" replied one of
the men, as he read the ticket,
took place three weeks ago this
morning."
"And Pm left"
eyes sir, you are just twenty days
and some odd hours too late.
81 paid two shilings for this tick
et," grimly observed the oldest son.
''It calls for an excursion. I've got
bread and butter and ham and cur
rants, and pint bottle full of tea
in This basket, and I'm going on the
excursion or know the reason why" -
.'"There are several reasons why!"
laughed the crowd.
Gentlemen, trot out your steam
boat" said Mr.. Webb.
They laughed again.
"Gentlemen, l give you just two
minutes to pull your old boat around
here"
More laughing.
"Gentlemen, Pm no blowhard. 1
want my rights, and Pm going to
have 'em. l amt going to plank
down two shillings in cash, sit up
half a night to grease my boots,
sew on buttons and oil up my hair,
ride twelve miles in an old wagon
and find the boat gone, and not let
folks know how | feel about 1t.
Bring on your boat"
"We don't own any boat" they
answered.
"Can't help it-I hold you respOn-
sibIe. Puff your old boat around
here or I'lI climb the whole town."
He put down his basket and went
in, the odds being eleven to one. He
hadn't spit on his hand over three
times before he was all out of shape,
and a good share of his body jam
med into an old cheese box. a po-
liceman pried him out, united the
knots in his legs, smoothed out the
kinks in his spinal column, and led
him away to the station.
''Don't that call for an excursion?"
demanded Mr.. Webb, as he planked
down the ticket before the captain
"It does if l can read, and now
where is the excursion?"
"Gone," was the brief answer.
"Well, l hain't gone. I'm right
here. Pm waiting for that boat
and if she don't come I'll wade up
and down this town like a festive
cyclone! I'll give you just two min
utes to put me aboard of the excur-
siOn!" Free Ff'eSs'