River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-06-28
Miscellaneous Items.

1t is solemn thing Tor a penniless
Young man to lead blushing bride up 70
the altar and promise to endow her with
all his worldly goods
A jealous brother prayed in meeting
e Lord. have mercy on Us, for Thou
knowest we are the wickedest company
ever gathered together.
An old scotch woman recommended a
preacher who arrived at the kirk wet
through to get at once into the pulpit
'Yen be dry enough there"
An improved form of challenge 10 a
duel is the following Quaker note: III
thou wilt eat twelve unripe apples just be
fore retiring at night, | will do the same
and We shall see who survives.
Said a faded belle to fresh young ri
val; You are having great trial to-
night. l wonder what your enemies will
say now!' was just going 10 ask you,
was the keen retort
A fashion exchange says that "the ia
bon is now generally used by married la
dies. n-NOrsrich Bulletin. This would
seem to indicate that a harmless but in
correct method of spelling iawbone Is
now prevalent in polite society.
Insurance dialogue: Jamie why do
you not he after getting the life of you
insuredl" AN why should |, my
honey?" sAh. indade. that after YOU are
dead and gone, you may be sure Of a
comfortable subsistence for yourself and
family
A book on the Age of Elizabeth, is
announced by a New York house. Eliza
beth isn't the only woman about whose
age there has been much discussion; but
we believe she IS the only one whose age
has been considered matter Of such inn
portance as to warrant the publication OF
a book about it.
An Alabama preacher has discovered
that Daniel who was cast into the lion s
den, was colored man, and that his
name was Smith We have some doubts
about his being a colored man, but the
probabilities are that his name was Smith.
Smith is forever getting into trouble OF
some kind.
At a recent exhibition of paintings a
LADY and her son were regarding with
much interest picture which the cata-
logue designated as Luther at the Diet
of Worms" Having descanted at some
length on its merits, the boy remarked,
Mother, l see Luther and the table, but
where are the wormsf'
Dom Pedro is learning our language
very rapidly. The other morning, as he
laid down the New \ ork Herald, he re-
marked that he had few dollars to bet
that somebody would knock the .'stuffing'
out of Turkey before many moons had
waxed and N0ryiSt0lea Herald.
What do YOU sell those fowls for2''
inquired a person of a man attempting TO
dispose of some chickens of a question
able appearance. 81 sell them for
profits, was the answer. Thank YOU
for the information that they are
prophets, responded the querist. ! took
them 10 be patriarchs.
\ certain Washington gentleman, Who
was blessed with an addition tc his fam
lily, concluded TO advertise for a wet
nurse. and caused the following notice 10
be inserted in one Of the daily papers
i" Wanted a wet nurse to take charge of
an infant. To any one who can come
well recommended, permanent employ
ment will be guaranteed. Apply, etc.
The late DIR. being ono of the
moderators. did not satisfy by his preach
ing the Calvinistic portion of his flock.
"Why, sir, said they, "we think you din
ma tell us enough about renouncing cur
ain righteousness, "RenOuncing your ain
righteousness = vociferated the astonished
doctor, II never saw any We had TO re
nouncei"
The Gar ought to he a popular soyer-
eign, for he knows how to ride and be
courteous to his subjects. His horseman-
ship is perfect; although his face is
scanned and careworn. in the saddle he
shows no signs Of age. At Odessa, on
May ?. he noticed poor woman by the
roadside, who saluted him as he rode by.
Turning in the saddle and looking back,
he bowed and touched his cap to her as
politely as though she was a princess.