The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-07-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

A BRAY sing air-The song of mule.
TURKEYS battle-song is "Hold the
Porte"
IRIS mighty sick printer who throws
up his case.
IT was a little 3-year-old who re-
marked that she didn't want to kiss papa
because he had fringe on his mouth. -
A YOUNG man from Auburn, who went
to Texas last spring, has telegraphed
home to his father "Fatted calf for
onep
"ToM, what in the world put matri-
mony into your head?" "Well, the
fact is, Joe, [ was getting short of
shirts"
WHY is the Bank of France like the
Mohammedan religion? Because it's
something to which you and don't owe
assent.
7 AM astonished, my dear young lady,
at your sentiments you make me start. %
"Well, [ have been wanting you to start
for the last hour"
CAN the chap at the theater who in
sists on beating time to the orchestra
with his feet be spoken of as "man
who has no music in his sole?"
"WHAT side of the street do you live
on, Mrs. Ripple ?" asked a counsel, cross
examining a witness. con either side,
sir. IF you go one way, it's on the right
side: Ii you go the other way, it's on
the left.
AS AN evidence of woman's confding
nature, it is mentioned that young
lady was married the other day to a Mr..
Forget, but he was always for getting
her.
CIRCUMSTANCES alter cases." said
lawyer to his client, after losing the fourth
lawsuit. Ceases alter circumstances,
savagely replied the client "By your
management Of my cases my circum-
stances have been nearly ruined"
The cucumber season has set in, and
man is walked up at 2 o'clock in the
morning, after dreaming that an ele-
plant is sitting on his equator, to expe-
rience violent regret that he has not
attended church more regularly in his
youth.
Two RURAL constituents were talking
of the new member of the Legislature
from their district. One of them asked,
els he talented ?" "Well," said the
other, CT should say he might set
house afre by rubbing his nose against
the door-post.'
If you wish to understand woman's
capacity for business, just undertake to
overhaul heightened dressmaker's bill.
The way one of these female harness
manufac turers will graft bones, buttons,
sewing silk, fringe, lining, cambria, etc.,
on to the original charge for making and
trimming is enough to send a frst-class
double-entry bookkeeper to a lunatic
asylum. -NOraO3cb Bulletin.
RUSSIAN visiting cards are two feet
long, and when young Petropaulovski
Paskiesmithiwitch wants to leave one for
Miss Tallowdipsakotf, who's just gone to
a train-oil kettledrum, he sings out to
the hired girl that she needn't stop spring
cleaning to come down from the fourth
story, but draws his card out of his Rus
sia-leather card valise and hands it to
her through the window without any
straining of the fexor or extensOr
muscles. Puck.
A PASTOR, delivering a sermon, was
greatly disturbed by the "Amens,"
"Glory halleluiahs," etc., of an old man
whose piety was manifested to the dis
comfort Of the pastor and people. The
preacher asked brother deacon to re-
quest the old man to discontinue, which
he did, and not another word was heard.
"Tell us how you managed to hush him
up so completely" inquired the pastor;
"what did you say to him?" "Oh, I
only asked him to subscribe dollar for
foreign missions-that's all, was the
reply.