The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1877-03-29
HUMOROUS.

WoMAN's fondness for finery is of no
resent date. In fact EYES very exist
ence was centered in ribbone.
THE artist, who got himself into hot
water by painting Farragut as lashed to
the mast in the fight in Mobile Bay, has
since confessed that he did it 80 as to
make his painting rank as one of the
cold masters"
BAKER Ia little too particular as
things go)-" Here, l say This won't
dol You've given me two French
'apennies !" Youngster-" Oh, never
mimi; save 'em up for change for pso-
pie who buy French rolls"
SOMEBODY asserts that "blue glass
chimney on parlor lamp will bring a
young man up to the point of propos-
ing to cross-eyed maiden, with store
teeth, in three Sunday evening"
Fon the child of fame there Is waiting still crown
But there beauty will fade like the morning dew,
in the presence of the silver-t lated certificate
that is drawn up for the man who can sleep in
boiled sliirt and get up in the morning with the
bosom looking as we'll as it did at night.
Globe Democrat.
In sermon recently, Mr.. Moody
said off you can't be lighthouse,
be candle" We have heard of young
ladies who would prefer to be half of
a match.
SENIOR class room. Mr.. L." Doc
tor, could the wicked find any pleasure
in associating with the good in the next
lifeT DR.. A" No, SIR" Mr.. L.
"Then wasn't God kind to provide hell
for their comfort i"-Rochester Campus.
THEY wsre sitting together in the
moonlight. His eyes were eloquent
with passion, and his voice was husky
with emotion, as be asked her if she
would be his. "You know / would"
she said, artlessly; "but you've got a
black and tan mustache."
COOP Deacon B having, as some of
his friends thought, shown too little in
terest in the pubic affairs of the day,
was charged by brother with being
on the fence eyes, l am on the
fence" was the reply, "and there pro-
pose to remain as long as it's so con.
founded muddy on both sides"
THE new secretary Of the navy, hav-
irg been informed there we're buoys
belonging to his department in New
York harbor, immediately issued an
order com mmanding them to report to
their ships without delay. Discipline
is discipline" Gays the old salt, if /
have to skin everybody in the navy"
JOHN HENRY, readiog to his wife
from newspaper: SO There is not q
single woman in the House of Correc-
ton There, you see, don't you, what
wicked creatures wives are? Every wO-
man in that jail is married" 1t Is
curious" she said; "but don't you
thirk, John, dear, that some of them
go there for relief"
A GENTLEMAN met citizen of Somer-
vile recently, aud said to him: "Your
home is in Somerville, 1 believer"
"No," replied the Somerville man.,
"my home is in Heaven" "Let me
give you little advice" said the gen.
tdeman. "You hurry and get postal
card aud write your folks that you are
never coming home" ."-B0sto7a Herald.
DANBURY Ne,os.--" What gender is
sugar." asked teacher Of the gram.
mar class. "What kind of sugar? u
asked boy. What kind ?" repeated
the teacher, "what has that to do with
it?" "Why, if it's maple sugar it'l
feminine gender" said the boy. "Why
feminine gender" asked the teacher
with puzzled face. because yor
can't tell its age" promptly replied thu
boy.
4 Me. SECRETARY THOMPSON has neve
served two years before the mast, but i
is affirmed that his nautical acquire
ments are more varied than were those
Of President Taylor's Secretary of h
Navy. When this official first boarde
man-of-war at the Gasport Navy-yar
he paused before the hatchway, gave
startled glance downward and exclaim
ed, "Great Caesars ghost if the -
thing isn't hollow %
A CONTRIBUTOR to religious column
says: While we were singing the dox
elogy L counted sixteen persons putin,
on their overcoats. 1t would have beer
better had been worshipping instea'
of counting, but it was almost involun
tary, and did not take me more tha,
ten seconds; while those stout worship
pers wrestled with their garm ents, ant
wiggling into them finally stood erec
in time to come out with the words
"By all in heaven"
a LADY in Springfield had been talk
ing with her little girl about deatf
in the neighborhood, and about goot
children going to Heaven, when brigh
eyes said: Mamma, shall we hav,
clothes ready for us IN Heaven P
and the mother replied in the affirma
tive. The little one went away again
to her play, but soon camo back in 4
thoughtful mood with, "Well, mann ma
guess I'll take my trunk of clothe
along to make sure"
How TO compose ones self for por
trait. A photographer gives the follow
ing directions to his customers: Whel
a lady sitting for picture would com
pose her mouth to a bland and seren
, character, she should, just upon enter
ing the room, say Bosom" and kee]
the expression into which the moutl
subsidies until the desired effect in tn
camera is evident. If, on the othe
hand, she wishes to assume q distin
, guished and somewhat noble bearing
, not suggestive of sweetness, she shoult
|, say Brush" the result of which is in
! fallible. If she wishes to make he
mouth look small, she mustsay Flip,
but if the mouth is already too smal
and needs enlargipg, she must sa
Cabbage" If she wishes to loo
? mournful she must say 'kerchunk.
If resigned, she must forsibly rjaculat
"e'cat."