Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-01-24
WITTICISMS.

A LITTLE boy WIS looking at a picture
OF Punch, when he said, "Ma, he wears
his nose on his back"
WHY should one always carry An
ola umbrella? Because umbrellas are
only good when they're used up.-N.
". Com. AdU.
1t is q good thing to leave a little ice
on t1e front doorsteps. 1t serves az an
excuse tor going up tenderly and FAULT
ly on a lodge night.
A YOUNG lady sent a poem to g. panar.
entitled, / Cannot Make Him Smile u
The editor thinks she could if she mad
sent him the poem.
IT is rather unkind to present a
maiden lady with copy of "Paradise
Lost" The title IS too suggestive now
that leap year has glided away.
HE asked her how she felt, and she
answered, "Happy, happy - oh, so
very happy" She had begun the year
with new set Of teeth.-Brookkyu Ar-
gus.
GIVE find that he came to his death
from trying to cut out Joe Willet in
counting Susie Jackson" was the YER
dict, recently, Of q coroner's jury in
Arkansas.
EVERY heart knows it's own mis-
cry" she said, as she looked into the
nest and saw that those Cochin China
eggs that bad cost So per dozen had
Matched out Muscovy ducks.
The fashionable way of coming
down the front porch these days is to
slide down On the back Of the neck.
The feet should be lifted high, and the
hands should scramble about.
That Sioux Indian talked sarcastic
ally enough to the government official:
Why don't white man put Injun on
wheels, like brave at tobacco store, so
he can be wheeled around easy?'
IHE architect who adopts one-half
the newspaper advice in regard to
planning his next theatre will bring out
q combination Of Chinese temple and
fre-proof safe.-Detroit Free Press.
THUS fur and no fodder" as the IN
dignant husband remarked when his
wife came home from shopping, with a
new sealskln cloak Gil, and told him he
would have to wait two hours for his
dinner.
AN exchange says: "a little credit
now and then is relished by newspaper
men," This is undoubtedly true. A
little credit would 60 far toward keep
ing some editors during the bowling
winter"
A YOUNG gentleman Of Kilkenney,
meeting a handsome nilkmaid near
the parade, said, "What will you take
for yourself and your milk, my dear ?"
The girl replied, yourself and a gold
ring, sir"
IT is easier for camel to 90 through
the knee of an idol than for a young
man to go through a church fair with
rattle of seven pincushions stuffed
with bran.
CONVERSATION Of street boys, both
less than ten years old. First boy:
"When ketch jim, I'll lick him, you
bet" Second boy: when I was little
[ used to like to fight like everything,
but now don't care nothing about it,"
SYMPArH1zING stranger" Bless me!
How did you manage to fall like that,
sir !" Irritated Equestrian (who has
come to grief y" Confound it, 1
couldn't remain hanging IN the air after
the horse runs away from me-could
II"
HE was a well-meaning man. but
they had been married a long while,
and when he playfully asked her what
was next to nothing, she sarcastically
answered that at this season Of the
year she thought bis winter fannels
were.
81 MAKE it a point, madam, to study
my own miudp said gentleman to q
lady who had exhibited some surprise
at an opinion he had expressed. elm
Decd" She replied. II didn't suppose
you understood the use Of micro
scope"
AT a recent convivial banquet given
in honor of certain American Cover
nor, the toast Ellis Excellency, the
Governor, was given, Whereupon a gerry
convivial gentleman cried out, "Let's
drink the Governor standing, as the
Governors drunk sitting !"
A YOUNG lawyer wrote TO an old limb
of the law letter, which read thus:
{" Is there any opening in your part Of
the country which | can get into? ?"
Answer: "There is an opening in my
back yard about thirty feet deep; no
curb around it. If it will suit, come
onw
The cobbler's last words: ct feel
that aUo1 weaker each day, and that [
am fast approaching my end; q few
more stitches, and all will be over; and
I shall 60 where there IS rest for the
weary sole, and every sorrow will be
heeled." Having said owy he wished, he
calmly breathed his lost.
The following conversation illustra-
tive of Paris life, was overheard in the
Cafe Anglais: What pretty
woman F" &C Yes, she is charming"
And that monsieur, is it her husband?"
"Oh, no." replied the friend, slipping
his absinthe; S. should say certainly
not, for l have seen them driving very
often, and, indeed, they were at Baden
together"
A BARBER turned his new apprentice
loose with seven by nine razor on q
fat man. After the apprentice had
made several attempts at subsoil
ploughing on the fat mans face, and the
latter began to look like q map of