Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1877-03-24
ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.

A slip of the pen-A runaway pig
Washington cannot support a con-
siderable morning paper.
England is to have a gymnasium
for every military station.
The 'epizoot'' is again prevalent in
New York and Brooklyn.
As Shakespeare says: He mocks at
fun who never made joke.
The way to heaven-'rurn to the
right anil keep straight ahead.
Hartford has invited Moody and
Sankcy to come and revive her.
Tom Murphy is the man who led
General Grant into financial trouble.
A German speaks of Washington
show-ciety, and he isn't very wrong.
Farragut was lashed to the mast,
and shoe peg IS mashed to the last.
The Bank of England keeps medi-
cal man to attend its employees gratis.
An Indian woman Is a squaw;
therefore an Indian baby is squaw-
ling.
Punch defines a woman as crea-
ture endowed with a self ornamental
instinct.
An English NJ P. who knows what
he is talking about defines alcohol as
''the devil IN solution"
A backwoods shoemaker puts blue
glass windows in the box toes of his
clients boots to cure corns.
A Boston dealer advertises "a large
stock of bankrupt pianos" Their
notes were bad, probably.
The Rhode Island police tell the
boys they must either quit coasting
or else coast lenethwise of the State.
A man with night key may be
said to be very stylish fellow, for
he is generally tho --latest thing out
A Pennsylvania woman made and
baked biscuit In thirteen minutes. A
tramp was standing by with pistol,
though.
Josh Billings wants to know who
ever heard a rich man sing. That's
so; rich man generally holds on to
his notes.
If man on polar expedition kills
another what would be the heinous-
ness of his crime9 Murder in tre
SD degree.
A blue glass scoffer compares the
Pleasanton theory thusly: Positive
blue, comparative blown, superlatlve
"be blowed."
An exchange speaks of the "mi-
nority sickness" Reference is made
probably to the catarrh, as it is a dis.
ease of the noes.
North Carolina has ne spaper
called Pee Dee Bee. The editor is
probably rather Sec-Dee. And is
certainly rather Nee-Dee.
Uncle Sam is monarch cf millions
OF unsutveyed acres, and is that much
better off than Alexander Selkirk, who
was only monarch of what he sur
veyed.
I'm the spring the human fancy
lightly turns to lamb and pease."
And in the spring the bummer's
fancy strongly turns to beer and
cheese.
1t is singular with what unity of
impulse women, politicians and luna
tics--also the seeker for theatre
tickets = gravitate toward news
paper Office.
A story in one of the late English
magazines is called "Owen, the Milk
man." Rather commonplace title.
,lhere are so many persons OWN the
sMilkman, you know.
When a Chicago Postoffice clerk
stole $500. Macarthur had him sent
Sto State Prison. Macarthur levied
'on 10000 or more, and wants to be
looked upon as martyr.
A minister asked a new deacon IL
NE had family prayers. "Yes, sir;
might and morning regular, If l have
TO knock every one of the young
'ones down on their knees"
In dilemma-The bachelor who
remarked that che never would
marry woman whom he did not
respect, and he certainly would not
respect any woman who was willing
to marry him."
A Detroit man asks for quail on
trust with such an ingenious accent
that the waiter mods his head and
trots off to bring quail on toast. When
lfhA N uatanxx "a al....aA Al