The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1877-03-29
Items Of Interest.

A man cannot win golden opinions by
the exhibition of his brass.
A man with corns felt better after
meeting man with no feet.
If Won have too much music in your
sole. soak the bottom of your shoes.
There is no autocrat like the barber
who holds you by the nose while he
talks.
Never let anybody drive you to dis
traction-you may not be able TO get
back
Germany's resolution not to go into
the French exposition OF 1878 Is un-
sh aiken.
A mans dearest object should be his
wife, but, alas sometimes it is his wifes
wardrobe.
A late book is entitled "Half Hours
with Insects" What lively hall hour
one can have with bee
AS sign of revival of business, we
may mention that number OF gentle
men have lately inquired the price OF
suit of clothes.
Lyonnaise potatoes are boiled before
frying, and are put into pan with but
ter and onion, and the minced parsley is
thrown in before the potatoes are done.
1t clings to the potatoes.
It is little singular how much valua-
BILE time woman will take up in study
ing the postmark of letter to see where
it comes from, when she can open the
letter and find out at once.
The manufacture of oleomargarine,
OF artificial butter, is rapidly extending,
and large factories for its production are
springing up in nearly all the principal
cities. The business is said to be lucra-
tive.
The premium bale of cotton, which
won the 81 ZOO prize at the Centennial
Exhibition, is to be sent to the jnterna-
tional horticultural exhibition in Hol-
land by the cotton exchange of Mem
phis.
They tell of a prominent grocer who
carried to q funeral an umbrella on
which was painted conspicuously the
business of his house, and held it over
the preachers head while he conducted
the service.
Two ragged little urchins were stand
ing in the gutter looking at q lady who
had just fallen down on the pavement.
1T isn't 80 much that / like oranges"
observed one of them, "but what lot
of people you can bring down with the
peel I"
johnny was telling his ma how he was
going to dress and show off when he was
a man. His ma asked: "Johnny, how
do you expect to get your living when
you get to be a man?" "Well," said
Johnny, "Tn get married and live with
my wife's pa"
A husband finding a piece broken out
Of his plate and another out of his
saucer, petulantly exclaimed to his wife
MY dear, it seems to me that every
thing belonging to you is broken"
"Well, yes," responded the wife, "even
you seem to be little cracked"
Professor of chemistry - "Suppose
you were called to patient who had
swallowed a heavy dose of oxalic acid,
what would you administer ?" K
(who is preparing for the ministry, and
only takes chemistry because it is OBJ
ligator,y)-"I wouldadminister the sacra-
ment."
A spendthrift, who had wasted nearly
all his patrimony, seeing an acquaintance
in coat not of the newest cut, told him
he thought it had been his great-grand-
fathers coat. $50 it was," said the
gentleman "and have also my great
grandfathers land, which is more than
you can say"
An Eastern speculator passed through
the lowlands of Missouri and Kansas
purchasing all sheep afflicted with foot
rot ftua fiua fn Hffxy &c
head, and drove them to Denver, when
it was discovered that the dry sand had
eradicated the disease, and in many cases
a new hoof had formed.
A clerk in the Russian ordnance office
at Alexaudrapol has Just been condemned
to penal servitude for life for selling a
plan of the fortress there to the Turks
for the sum of 600 rubles. The Russian
military police arrested the clerk in
question on Turkish territory before he
had time to part with the plan.
A calculating housewife lately applied
at a register Office for a new servant.
She stated that she had discharged her
last on the suspicion that she was dis
honest, because she had given her seven
apples to peel and she had only returned
her twenty-seven quarters, when there
should have been twenty-eight.
An Irishman by the following syllogism
proved himself the best man in the world.
"You can Che said) find as good man in
Ireland as in any other country in the
world and Kerry can produce as good a
man as any county in ireland now, my
brother is acknowledged to be the best
man in Kerry, and am able to beat my
brother"
A man at Placerville, Cal. having oc-
casion recently to erect a new building
where an old one stood, party of miners
agreed with bin to dig out the lot. fill il
in again, and give him half the proceeds.
They found the earth so rich in gold that
although they hid to cart it a long dis.
tance in order to wash it, they made a
large profit.
A curious experiment with the mag
net was recently tried in London. A
boy h1d broken needle in the calf of
his leg, and before resorting to surgical
instruments it was decided to try the
effect of powerful magnet in withdraw
ing the steel. After a number of ex.
periments in different positions the nee
die was drawn near the surface on the
opposite side of the leg from which Il
entered and was easily withdrawn.