The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-07-27
VARIETIES.

-" We're in pickle now" said a maj
IN q crowd. GA regular JAM" said an
other. " Heaven preserve us |" said an ole
lady.
Experience goes a great ways in THU
world, but nothing except native ability
answers for man with June bug in hi
trowsers leg.
"A spiders web with fly in it is the
latest device for wedding rings. This j.
only appropriate where the gentleman was
disposed to fly to her side the first time ht
spider.
When you "pop the question" to lady
do it with kind of laugh, as if you were
| only Joking. If she accepts you, very well
if she does not, you can say you were only
in fun.
-"That parrot of mines wonderful
Bird" said Smithers; he cries "stop theft
so naturally that every time I hear it I al.
ways stop. What are you all laughing at
anyway 2"
Her husband had been playing base.
ball, and when the doctor came she ex-
planned: "Poor Adolphus He got q
pitcher in his centre field, and he can't
walk" The doctor thought it more likely
that he had been playing short-stop to a
jug.
A man is trying to sell horse. The
would-be purchaser, inquiring as to his
leaping powers, asks:
"Would he take timber?"
He'd jump over your head" answers
the other. 81 don't know what you call
that"
"A gentleman in England committed
suicide the other day, and left paper
stating that he did so because his wife was
q great deal too good for him. That's
why the jury returned verdict recording
their opinion that deceased was of " an
unsound state of mind"
The Fat Contributor gives q gentle
hint to delinquent subscribers to his paper
in this wise: "There are people, we i'm
agine, who, reading that the subscrip-
ton to Saturday Night is two dollars
year in advance, suppose that we are to adj
vance the money ourselves. Hence they
neglect to do it. This is mistake"
-" That bed is not long enough for me-"
said very tall, gruff old Englishman up
on being ushered into his bed room by an
Irish waiter at an American hotel. "Faith
an you'll find it plenty long, sir, when you
get into it," was the reply; "for then there'll
be two more feet added to it," Exit, Pat,
with boot fetching up the rear
When the bridge fell at Bath, England.
the other day, a Somersetshire yokel, who
was one of the first picked out of the
water, edited everybody by shrieking in
Of oh In to1 h.
woman who was still in the stream -
"There's my wife! There's my wife i'll
give sixpence to the man that saves her."
-Ross's goose laid eggs in Hott's door
yard in Cincinnati, and Hott's goose hatch
ed from them one gosling. Who owned
the gosling? The question was angrily
disputed by Ross and Holt, and they have
gone to law about it. The gosling has
grown into goose, and is worth dollar
at most The litigation has already cost
two hundred dollars.
we rise to ask if anybody in this city
knows the name of the young man who
called on his adored last evening. and get
ting short of something to say, quietly re-
marked: "How sad it is Frost has
come, and it will kill everything green"
Thereupon the young lady extended her
hand and said in sympathetic tone :
Goodbye"
Literary young man at a party: "Miss
Jones, have you seen 'Crabbe's Tales p y
Young lady, scorntully 81 was not aware
that crabs had tails" Literary young
man, covered with confusion: 81 beg your
pardon, ma'am, l should have said read
'Crabbe's Tales9'' Young lady, angrily,
scorntul: "And l was not aware that
red crabs had tails either" Exit young
man.