The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-09-29
NUMBER "a.
PASSING SMILES.

IT DOESN'T look we'll when menspend
more money in burying their wives than
they doin keeping them.
SPANISH proverb says: "The man
who on his wedding day starts as lieu
tenant in the family will never get pro-
noted"
La We Pdrisienne: Woman can never
be Republican; her nature is opposed TO
it. She only understands slavery or
royalty.
SAINTS have been calm when stretched upon the
And Montezuma smiled on burning GOALS;
Rut never yet did housewife notable
Greet with smile rainy washing day.
The Annapee Record contains an obit-
uary notice, closing it as follows: She
leaves husband and two children, who
will miss her in many respects"
" Picnic sandwiches" are the latest.
"They are made" says an exchange,
"by taking good looking fellow and
putting him between two jealous girls"
SPEAKING of dancing, clergyman
hits the nail on the head with the re-
mark that "people usually do more
harm with their tongues than with their
toes"
ROME Sentinel. A Roman who re-
Gently returned from Philadelphia in
forms us that the Kelly motor consistsof
pound of clearinghouse butter shut
up in an iron box.
WHEY boy does something funny
and YOU laugh at it, he will invariably
keep ding it twenty or thirty times
more, tilkynH have to knock him down
with something.
NoTrINa will bring the tears to the
eyes of a hard-hearted man quicker than
to speak to him of his mother in a
kindly manner, unless it is to peal an
onion around where he's sitting.
WHITEHALL. Times: Six men paid
their subscriptions yesterday, because
they contemplated being candidates for
Office this fall. We wish all our sub
scribers were to be candidates.
AT Paris funeral, while on the way
to the cemetery, mourner with a pas
sion for cards turned to the sorrow
stricken father and whispered: "This is
slow, isn't it? ] will flip you just one
for FIVE"
VIRGINIA Enterprise: 81 don't want
any trashy books bout travels said
tax-paying Comstocker to rashly inn
FORTUNE" book agent; but il you've
got any of them cyclopedros, ! don't
know but what | might take a volum."
Ir is remarkable fact, which we
cannot explain, that the boy who does
not know that the gun is loaded is new
erthcless always TO be found at the safe
end of the gun. Providence ought to
look after this little arrangement, and
reverse il occasionally.
THESE brute animals don't seem to
have any respect whatever for the clas-
sizes. A boy named Marcus Aurelius
Cicero Smith was tossed by an up-coun-
try bull the other day, just as uncer-
enormously and effectively asif his name
had only been plain John.
In Chambersburg, ILL.,, they fine
man ten dollars for splitting tobacco on
the floor Of a church, and the rigid en-
forcement Of this law has driven nearly
all the male church members to the in
convenient necessity of raising one end
of the cushion and splitting on the seat.
THE VOW.
The rose Is my favorite flower;
On Its tablets Of crimson swore,
That up to my last living hour,
never would think Of thee more.
scarcely the record had made,
Ere a zephyr, in frolicsome play,
On his light airy pnions conveyed
Both tablet and promise away.
BURLINGTON Hawk- Eye: The cruel
fates never appear half 70 grim and pitt
less as when they marry girl who has
gone through Vassar and can play
diyinely, paint like an angel, dance like
fairy, and slam the front door in
seven different languages, to q man who
owes for the clothes he was married in,
begs his tobacco, and buys his wood half
a cord at a time.
THE conceit is often taken out of peo-
pie who think themselves famous.
Thackeray, when speaking about fame,
would frequently tell the following anec-
dote: When at dinnerone day, he heard
one waiter say to another, Do you
, know who that ISL" "No," was the an
swer. "That's the celebrated Mr.:
, Thackeray." What's he done r
Blessed If know" was the reply.
On ever thus from childhood's hour;
i've seen my fondest hopes decay;
/ never led the ace or bower,
But some ones joker blocked the way;
NEVER took girl to church
The longest walk back home TO plan;
But what she left me in the lurch,
---BurlingfOn Hask-Eys.
I'VE lived till manhood lights my eye,
And left the mud cakes and the dirt;
But still, when eat berry pie,
The juice is sure todaub my shirt.
| The average communists ideal OF
equality in property is pretty we'll ex'
pressed in an old song sung by drunken
} cobbler, who wishes all the money in
the world divided equally among the
I rich and the poor. "What would you
, do with your share, Tomr says hi
: wife. "Spend it like brick" says he,
What would you do then, Tom r.
} "Shic-share it all over again, old wo-
, man, shar-i-all over again."
A YOUNG clergyman, at the first wed
ding he ever had, thought it was a very
good time to impress upon the couple
,, before him the solemnity of the act
!" i hope, Dennis" he said to the coach
! man, with his license in his hand, you
, have well considered this solemn step in
life" II hope so, your reverence, =
answered Dennis. its very import
ant step you're taking, Mary" said the
minister Yes, sir; know it is, re-
piled Mary, whimpering. Perhaps We
had better wait a while" 9Perhaps we
, had. your riyerence.v chimed in Dennis