Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-11-29
HulllOr.

1nEeStlSatlOn shows that every mans
success is accomplished at the expense
of some little pup who thinks he
ought to have it himself. Rochester DEM
ocrat.
Professor" In one evening | count
| ed twenty-seven meteors sitting on my
piazza" Glass expresses great aston
ishment at the sOciable character of
the heavenly bOdies.-Hd1ttord Times.
A negro was put on the stand as a
witness, and the judge inquired if he
understood the nature of an oath.
= For certing, boss" said the citizen;
4" if L swear to a lie | must stick to
him !"
Maryland girls won't marry in the
full Of the moon, believing that they
would have ill-luck through life, but 4
Pennsylvania girl wouldn't let forty
full moons stop her ten seconds.
The New York Central Railroad is
having a busy time moving freight.
They received ana forwarded from the
west to New York during the month Of
August, over $4,000 cars.
The Camden Inquirer says: Mr..
James ]. Buttricks laid an egg on our
table yesterday that measured nine and
Il half inches" An on nest man is the
noblest work of God. Z
The population of Chicago is largely
made up of assignees and receivers.
Yet little is assigned and nothing receiv-
9d.-Boston AcNertiser
Come to America" writes a son of
the Emerald Isle to his friend in Ire
land; tbs fine country to get living
in. All We have to do is to get three
cornered box and fill it wild brick, and
carry it to the top of 81 fOur-story build
ing, and the man at the top does all the
work"
j, The widow sits by the vacant chair,
combing her strands of yellow hair
While her soul by thought is Yexed-
Not of the man who sat there last,
Not of the Joys of the buried past,
But of who would sit there next.
,-L07iiSGitLe Courier journal
Indulgent husband Ito dear little wife,
who has bought some new curls): "But,
my darling, you Will never be able to
wear them-they are flaming red p
Dear Little Wife: q" know [ can't wear
them, darling; | only bought them be-
cause they were SO cheap" Indulgent
Husband: "Humph."
When you see lady in the street
stop and suddenly kick and reach back
ward and downward, don't be alarmed,
it's not b1ickbat she is after AS soon
as she shakes out the old oyster cans
entangled in'her trail, that same sweet
smile will return; and everywhere the
street contractor halls the woman with
trail as blessing.
A very young miss who resides on
Holmes street thus addressed her pater-
nal ancestor at the breakfast table on
Sunday morning: Poppy, [ want a new
hat and a pair. of new shoes"
'spOse so. What don't you want" re-
marked the paternal. Well" answer
ed the quick-witted little miss, 81 don't
want any trousers"
When Mrs. Van Colt comes singing
down the aisle, and fixes her reviving
eyes upon Il man, he turns pale and
trembles, and she thinks his soul is
awakened Yet we have seen the very
same look in mans face when he
turned around after kissing the servant
girl and suddenly encounters his wifes
mother
1t is said shat Mr.. Hendricks was
seen tiptoeing through the grass in his
front yard the other day with his hat
held in front of him in one hand. On
being accostcd, he said he was trying
to catch pet financial theory which
had escaped from It's cage in the house,
and every time he got ready to drop on
it somebody was sure to scare it away.
indianapolis Journal
An Iowa farmer a few days ago set
up heating stove, at the time forget
ting to remove powder horn filled with
powder which he had put there in the
summer, and made fire therein. In
few minutes there was a tremendous
explosion which tore the top of the
stove off, demoralized windows, plaster
ing, etc. The inmates of the room es-
capped with few slight braises. -,
The President and Mrs. Hayes de-
cline all invitations to the theatre and
places of amusement Managers feel
that they have lostgood advertisements,
since they cannot notify the public that
the President and family will occupy
private box during the performance on
certain evenings Washington Letter.