The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-05-26
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


long, writing dispatches from London cXcep
when he is over at the Trivoli on Washington
street playing seyen-up for the beer.
The advantages Of advertising are illustrated
In the case OF julie Huminel, the funny man who
sells agricultural implements in Sandwich an(
who spends $1,000 year in advertising. The
people have elected him mayor Of the city.
The Fulton Tines is Irresponsible for this: mis-:
Mary j. Happy, of CORTLAND, has been made
Sad by marrying man Of that cognomcn. But
then when she gets over her first little Sadness
sLe will be happy again"
boy with q wart on the end Of his nose was
subjected to the blue glass bath, and at the end
Of twenty minutes the wa-t had entirely dls0p
peared, p. $50 had the boy.-Ros2o2ie O5sT-
gfr.
RESULT OF \ sERENANDc.
The minstrel in his armchair sits,
With many druggists jar;
and sneezing gulps his catnip tea,
And curses his catarrh
The maid with throat in flannel wrapped
Doth lie upon her bed;
and sad and sorey grieveth she
For that her nose is red.
Oh, foolish ones, who serenade
On moonlight nights Of spring;
Unheeding of the breezcs chill,
And Of the colds they bring!
The Chicago Tribune complains OF absenteeism
In the Legislature one day and the next day tells
hat the dome of the state house is likely 10 fall
is this Josephs cumulative system Of disposing
q the boys'-AuJOra NeDS.
The New York papers report that before going
TO sea with the Russian feet last week Alexis and
his terrier went 10 a photographers and were
took" in dozen different positions But
the Duke was easily distinguishable from the
terrier by his standing collar and somewhat
more princely dir.
who can tell what q baby thinks? asks a
poet. Wei, the probability is that Its thoughts
run III the same chanDel as those Of the Cover
nor Of North Carolina when he said to the Gov
efnor of South Carolina: "Its a long time be-.
tween drinks."-E1,
The United States Circuit Court Of Oregon ad.
journed "out of respect" to its clerk, who had
committed suicide at the close OF a month of
constant intoxicatiop.
Always take rope into your room at the no.
tel. II may enable you to slide out even II there
is no fire. A big board bill is just about as bad
as gratioh.-HdrJord Clarion.
An Atlantis girl sat on her lovers hat and kept
hlm three hours over time. The next time that
young man goes to see his girl he should hang
his hat on a nal instead OF holding it in his lap
Mrs. Geneyievc Pike, of Chicago, whose alleg.
ed husband killed Jones all for her, is coming
ca, in q book OF poems OF 700 pages, in which
she remarks:
Yelled and awful visions meet me,
Gory.girdled shadows greet me,
ALc synphonious waves Of silence set my spirit
free.
Thus she rattles on like blazes, and her mel.
lAv NM for nj, ut. a.
lence said so much before
An nglish scientist announces the startling
discovery that music has the same effect upon
vegetation that blue glass has Let every city at
once patriotically send its organ grinders &C.
eoTdeon players and brass bands to the country
TO help the crops.
The Naperville Clarion, announcing the de-
eara,ion OF war by Russia against Turkey, al
lays the supposed terror of its readers by this
soothing paragraph
To be explicit, SO that no one, who may be
ever 30 Ignorant in history, need leave this couu
Try to escape the draft, we will state that Rus.
eia and Turkey are not in the United states and
are mol quarreiing about Hayes and TildCu. No,
indeed, these countries are far from home, and
ther difficulty Will not affect the tranquility of
our once distracted countrr.
train Of cars on Florida railroad passed a
man on horseback, and there was a great hur
railing among the passengers, until they dscov
cred that the mule was tied to the fence
An EIgn old maid had her pockcd picked of
Wv few evenings since. To accomplish the
JOB the thief had to put his arm around her
waist, and as she had not been Rugged for sever.
a! hundred years she expressed herself as rath-
eT wei satisfied with having had TO pay so little
Iorit' his makes pretty good story, but we
|On otleVe there's man on earth who can
reach around an Elgin girls waist.-iuTord
NDry.
There is battle now raging between Gail
Hamilton and the editor OF the Chicago Tribune.
They have grappled and the whole air is filed
w.iE the smoke and din of the combat. On the
'I'heiple That the most effective way to stop a
cog night Is 10 cas-, skunk among them, the
Times Is heneyolently induced to stop the fray
by mixing In.
LEe JOY oi the editorial fraternity over a per.
'enmal topic o! nteres; in the European war Is
slightly mtigated by suggestions which the
Ra'rseye sdpira5ly expresses In larnbsn, rhrnye.
. follows:
Gaily the paperman
Touched his guitar,
Hrilr he was reading the
News from the war
Staging, You bet your boots
Sow hers'li be fun:
We don't care whoit shoots,
War has begun"
lie sang as how he knew
"a months before
ILere'd have 10 De a Eu-
Ropean war.
Vow lie wss glad enough
! IA, /; had come.
And Bis heart laughed q. Tie
Roll Of The drum
Bat, when the Gar at l.s..
Aiming his youth.
sent PeirOylarsichrayat
over "a Pruth;
when lbraimrustcfukus
het S:ehOblielcfstt
sighed the newspaper mLr.
Give usa rest"
No rest-tOr Khaifat
IrtschUskcamos-
DsripstesOslmEt
Phrstehigolos