The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1877-02-06
How to Flnure Il.

it. But he did not.
How to Figure II.
An exchange says "a man cuts small
figure at dinner party when he's
little s." Even if he gets there beef 4
they've done seven the soup ?--HdUh
Eye. He can't be a little s if the Green
is still on the table. Where-4 he should
regulate his at-10-dance be-9-ly, so as not
to excite his hosts 1-der. OF course such
a 4-2-itous circumstances as % 6-ister ut
home is fair X-cuse.
gY Mistress: Come, Bridget, how
much longer are you going to be about
filling that pepper-b = Bridget Ia fresh
importation from where they don't use
pepper castorsl: Sure, ma'am, and it's
meself can't say how long it will be
takin' me to git all this stuff in the thing
through. the holes in the top
Eg In Nevada man was boasting of
the wonderful scent of his dog and how
far he could track his master, lie con-
cluded his yarn with the triumphant
query. What dye think about that 2
do you want to know what I think
about it p said one of the bystanders
well, think you'd better so and take
BATH
ED9 "Pa, what does it mean to be
tried by jury of ones peers?'' sit
means, my son, that man is to be tried
by a jury composed of men who are his
equals-on an equality with him, so
they will have no prejudice against him."
"Then, pa, Iguess you'd have to be tried
by jury of bald headed menl"
80.
ES@ "The sentence of the Court is,
said Judge Porter, q popular Irish
magistrate, to q notorious drunkard,
'that you be confined in Jail for the
longest period the law will allow and /
hope you will spend the time in cursing
whiskey." 'Be jabers / will, and Por-
ter, too, was the answer.
g "Mille. Therese JakOnbovitsch, is
the new Russian pianiste who has just
made her debut in New York. To pro-
nounce her name right you stand on
your head, kick violently with your left
foot, wave your hands, and speak
through your nose.--,St. Louis ReptJtic-
| can.
B5S@ why are your cheeks like my
| ponies p said country beau to his talk
ative sweetheart, as soon as he could get
word in edgewise, after they had set
| out on their ride. rs it because they
are red p said blushing girl. No; it
is because there's one of them on each
side of a waggin' tongue
s
ga "Itis such funny thing said
an old lady of experience, "to see q doe
| tor try to look solemn.when he is told
there is great deal of illness about.
The only thing that beats it is TO hear
lawyer talk about the folly of the people
| going to law"
sIT "Do you think III get justice done
me =" said a culprit to his counsel. Il
don't think you will replied the other,
"for see two men on the jury who are
opposed to hanging,
a. Waiter-"Sah, what will you
| have, dollar dinner or q two dollar
| dinner?n
Gourmand-'Wha is the difference p
Waiter-"One dollar, sah.'
rS9 We are glad, says an exchange,
that leap year is over. This having to
reject girl after girl is a cruel strain upon
sensitive man.
GO Women can t stand on the corner,
talk politics and swear, but they can
stay at home and rip and tearand darn
their husbands old clothes.
EyAn eel is not as slippery as a
| politician; but it can live on water long
| er.
e% Thousands of base deceivers are
hung every night-on the backs OF
chairs.