Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-05-23

And GrOwIs at His Wife's Extrava-
Sance.

never WhlStled himself home. Every
thing had gone well with him through
the day. He had worked off a couple of
bilious-looking 50-cent pieces, that his
clerk had taken in, on guileless rustic
customer, and then he had charged them
up to the clerk for taking them in His
lawyer had collected bill of man Mr..
Barringer thought was dead; the AS
SCISSOR had made mistake and had only
assessed his property at less than one
third its actual value; and Mr. Baringer
was pretty confident he could get out of
paying the tax altogether, on the ground
of erroneous assessment. And then,
finally, policeman had shot his neigh
boris dog. Everything conspired to
make Mr.. Baringer feel happy as the
heart of spring. He whistled all the
way home, and he trolled merry round
clay in deep, rich, wheelbarrow-tone as
he skipped up the stairs, he smiled as he
entered the hall, and there the song died
away, and the smile went out of the
silent gates Of the Was, down into the
echoless aisles of the silent Had Been,
out into the shoreless sea of the distant
"Ain't comm back again." and Mr. Bar
niger stood transfixed.
WE'LL" he growled after moment Of
silent reflection and contemplation, eye
ing the object that had so suddenly
changed his happy mood, "what next, |
wonder? AS if there weren't enough
legitimate uses for money to make it go
faster than any one man can earn it,
somebody must 60 and buy scales with it.
What under the sun, what in the name
OF common sense, can we or do we want
with grocery scales here? / believe in
my soul that woman would buy COM
plete set of Fairbanks hay scales if some
peddler would come along and offer it to
her"
He dashed his hat viciously on the hat
rack, and climbed modify on the scales
to weigh himself.
Clancy old scales, too" he said-"car-
peted platform and nickle-plated dial
indicator. | wonder if I've gained any
thing since last fall"
But, as he stepped his full weight upon
the platform, he was surprised to observe
no change in the dial The Indicator
pointed at nothing" as resolutely as
though it meant it.
"Huh!" exclaimed Mr.. Baringer, in
some amazement, and he bounced him
self lightly on the PLATFORM and watched
the indicator with some appearance of
interest.
But it never took the slightest notice
of him.
Then Mr. Baringer became excited
He jumped up and down on the plat
form, and surged himself down like a
tidal wave, but the indicator never
smiled, and obstinately indicated the
nothing point at every effort. Then Mr..
Baringer got frightened and a little mad
"By thunder" he exclaimed, 81 know
better than that; | know l weigh a
pound anyhow. Here" he shouted,
nervously, "Pll see what you mean by
this"
And he ran out and brought in an arm
full of bricks and piled them on the plat
form, and seated himself on them; but
the indicator remained as steady
as though it had been merely
painted on the dial-plate. Then he went
out again, with his eyes staring at each
other across the top of his nose, and came
staggering in with the AK, the spade, and
the lawn-mOwer, and held them on, and
climed up and sat down on them, like
Marius among the ruins, and glared at the
indicator with a terrible expression of
countenance, and the indicator only
seemed to settle little more firmly in its
place, and that was all Then he sailed
forth again, and came in with his hair
standing on end, and piled on box of
sand, coaEscuttle, pair of dumb bells,
a coil OF lead pipe, and a piece of curb
stone, and climbed to the summit of the
heap and looked. The platform groaned
little under the tremendous weight, and
the Indicator braced up, and indicated
that it wasn't going to bulge under any
such inducements.
Then MIR. Baringer got mad, He cried,
and climbed down to the floor, and be-
gan to lombard the thing with the vari-
Gus articles he had piled on it, and he
yelled and howled at it until the racket
brought the servants and the children
and Mrs. Baringer into the hall.
erasmus Baringer!" shrieked his wife,
"what are you doing? What is the mat
ter with your
"Matter?" he yelled, trying to throw
the lawn-mower at the dial FDoing?
'Smatter with me? Ruined. Ruined
by woman that will buy anything
peddler can bring her. Scales that won't
weigh nothing! Scales that wouldn't
show an ounce if you piled mountains on
'em! Scales! A blamed old lying faced
fraud? An old piece of iron that would
be rejected at a bankrupt junk-shop!
Scales! A vile, miserable, fraudulent''-
Mrs. Baringer was down in a corner of
the hall, holding on to the carpet with
both hands, screaming with laughter and
on the verge of commissions.
90 help! help! help!' she shrieked.
80, Pm going to die, I know I am! O
ha, ha, ha, no, no, no, he, he, he! @
dear, dear, what a fool man is! O
Erasmus Baringer, you'll be the death of
me yet! o mercy, mercy! Sca-ha,
ha, ha!-les! He, he, he, he! Scalesl
0 help, help, help. Scales! O Eras-
mus Baringer! Scales! 0, I a dying
woman! Can't you stop me, somebody?