Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1877-05-08
SUIBEhM9.

IN VolN7t lE~tl cGInOt De maze
fro!a boaed turkey.
you have lost Your l;tile hotchet,"
| ls the polite way Of telling 4 man what
7 he is, when he Is one.
No Nv" in the Spanish language.
| How in the world do they get along
| without wittlcs, wine or women?
Rhode Island people never write let
teIs to places within the State. When
they want anything they 'holler."
Big long-legged man don't always
sometimes get ahead OF little boy" is
| Chinese for THE race is not always to
the swift.
A bachelor mentions the fact that
! the scratch Of Il female baby is always
more sudden and treacherous than
that Of Il male baby.
John Smith, hod carrier Of Boston
died lately. At the last moment he
muttered, Telegraph that another
Boston man is gone.
1t was PIutarch, We believe, who
remarked that railroad accidents are
called e'lam-itous affairs, because the
engineers are always by valves.
Jack, how DO YOU like the rector's
daughter?' Don't know: I've al
ways seen her drunk" What the
rector's daughter drunk?" NO; /"
Jinlis hid his wiie's shoes to keep
her at home. Mrs. Jinks went to the
auction, and when links went home
70 find his boots they were not there.
It's no use.
sixteen Grams make one drink"
muscd n drug clerk, one night,
as ne tried, 10 open the store door
with his watch key, Hang me if
remember the rest Of the table"
George "Thcrcl that nasty eat is
on the table again. never saw such
u greedy eat " Johnnie five years
old. Indignantly "Weu, / Just
wouldn't never run down my own
cut.
"No man was better inoculatcd TO
prejuise pork than my husband was"
says Mrs PaUiustOu, He knew
what good hogs were, he did he had
been brought up with 'cm from
childhood.
\ few nights ago Il rural lodgor at
the Wyoming House, Scranton, blew
out the gas in his room. In the morn
ing they found him fully inflated and
sailing gracefully around near the
ceiling waiting for a chance to 80 up
CORVALLIS. y. c., has d lady teacher
who kisses the first boy who gets 10
school in the morning. and the small
boys are crowded out OF school by
children Of a larger growth, who roost
on the fences all night so as 10 be up
early.
You read I suppose, and would
! like paper" said philanthrOpic
traveller to Il negro sitting next 10 him
In car. Yes sah,' was the reply
well what paper would YOU choose"
"Well. marsa, ef You chews, I'll take
apaper of tub-baclcr. "
Visitor - Can l see DR.. Jones?
Servant No, sir; he's not at home,
sir! Visitor Could L see his er-
deputy? Servant Please, sir, you'd
| better wait till master comes home,
as don't know where it is, and he
don't like his things meddled with.
"Bnly how did you lose your
! iinger?" Easy enough" said Billy.
II suppose you did go but how?" Il
guess you'd lost yourn il it had been
where mine was" That dosn't
answer my question" We'll If you
must know, had to cut it off, Or steal
the trap"
Whose pordrait was dot?" asked
Teuton OF his friend, as they were
going through a picture gallery.
"Hendry Claw" YES, to be sure;
you must have heard Of the great
Henry Clay" go, der great cigar
man." said he, after moments
reflection.
Mr.. Gladstone, the distinguished
English statesman, said in recent
address that hand labor is better paid
In England than head labor. Same
fighter will make more money pound
| ing his fellow men black and blue,
than goat can earn by butting them
clear across the street five or six
times day.
A Virginia railroad was made to pay
S25 for killing valuable rooster. The
engineer said he blew the whistle as
kindly as possible; but when the
rooster dropped one wing on the
ground raised his eye heayenward
and commenced whetting his spur on
the rail, forbearance ceased TO be a
virtue, and he let drive into him with
thirteen cars.
Extravaganza everywhere Philip
Sloan, q conductor on the Pennsyl-
vania Railroad, couldn't think OF any
other way to make waste, and so put bis
head out OF the caboose and knocked
of the top OF an iron switch-rod as his
train went by. The rod was ruined
and as Sloan is aroxnd laughing about
the matter, Tom Scott Is expected 10
take it out of his wages.
A Fort Madison man went into his
COW stable the other day, and, by
mistake. mixed her up nice mash in
q box full Of saw-dust instead of bran.
The COW, merely supposing the hard
times had come and they were all going
to economize, meekly ate her supper,
and that man never discovered his
mistake until the next morning, when
he MIXED that cow, and she let down
half-a-gallon Of turpentine, a quart OF
shoe-pegs, and bundle OF laths.
This man was seated in front OF the
old-fashioned fireplace, warming thr
sole OF his left foot An old darkey
went TO warm, and as he turned TO go
out he met another shiyering one
coming in. Needn't 90 dar 10 warm,
Jim" "Why so?" ''Kase dat man
from Cincinnati done histed his foot
and kivered up de fire. Sides dat, its
gwine TO take de mos o de day for
him to git dat one foot warm enough
to set it on de ground" And they
weno cii.