The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1877-11-20
THE COW NUISANCE.
what Shall be Dene with Them-the
Island Barnya1d.

The benefits derived from the COW are
msny Ii is the only animal 10
this section OF the country from which
milk Is obtained. Man is also the only
animal that possesses the power TO smile
and 1T the same time he swallows mix
punch, and if the assertion Is doubted,
try the experiment for yourself or ID
Iisu thereof. take the trouble 10 watch
the countenances of "Our City Dads,
either be ore or directly after partsklng
of the beverage. Besides this, COWS are
GOOD thing to have about, but there's
such thing as having too much
of a good thing-too many cows
TO the square inch nd that Is the con-
dition OF the city Wheeling at present.
While the ponderous brains OF adlpcse
philosophers in the City Council favor
the run ming at large Of COWS within the
city limits, thereby transmogrfyihg
I, ace supposed to be inhabited only oy
human beings into barnyard, that d few
people may revel in milk punches or I'VE
on "baby diet" the masses OF the people
demand that they purchase thelr luxury
from the dairymen, and abolish the COW
nuisance. The causes for this
demand are plain. If our city fathers
doubt our statement, and can be pur-
suaded TO so lar forget the regularity o!
their habits in their frantic efforts In en-
deavoring to get "heslthy, wealthy and
wise" by retiring with the sun, and take
walk with us through the seventh
ward, or in the suburbs of the city, about
three o'clock in the morning, We Will
guarar tee that they return to their hoiLes
intent on the massacre OF all the bow
in the city, and with pair OF shoes mat
even a country barnyard would o'usn TO
think had Travelled through 1t. Nor
does the evil stop here, ladies cannot walk
along the side walks on the Island, even
in day time. without either lifting their
clothes sufficiently high to cause an
undue exposure OF person or running
their dresses. At night it is still worse.
Along the sidewalks, which are mostly
composed of cinders, the COWS generally
settle themselves tor the night, ana II
very dark, the pedestrian, in the course
OF his perambulstions, occasionally hnds
himself sprawling over the back OF
cow, with his heels III the air and his
nose and face-weli, most anywhere
than in their proper place. But this is
not all; yearly large quantities OF eartn
are being washed away from the Island,
which is growing smaller by degrees and
sbeautiiulIy less as time advances. This
one great evil is traced directly to the
cow and the love OF our city fathers for
milk punch In the past, one gentleman
prominent landowner, expended quite
sum of money, between 500 and 500,
in planting willows along the river bank
TO prevent the water from washing in on
his property. The willows thrlved Lice
", and were commencing TO grow and
snoot forth leaves But the cows asCeT-
tanned the tact, and the result was that
over 800 of that mans money went to-
wards furnishing prOvender, TO iced the
COWS, which give the milk, which makes
the punch that goes into the stomachs OF
punch. loving councilmen. Numerous
gardens have also suffered In the same
manner, and the honest toll Of numerous
poor men has, on frequent occa-
sions gone in the same direction.
Council has frequently been lmp0rtunei
on this subject, but in their infinite wis
dom, the members have ignored the mat
ter, and an indignant puolic is powerless
to protect itself from the legislation tor
preferred few. But by their fruits
shall We know them, and if Council see
lot proper to remedy the matter, but in
sist on living ia barnyard, then in the
language of the poet" we can only ex-
claim, "men live as they have been
raised" and our city fathers are accus.
toned to the soothing effects of the efiu-
via arising from streets filled with otfAl.