Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1877-07-04
Humorous Waits,

The LATEST man in Burlington writes
fortunately" 42nSly.
"A PRUDENT man." said witty French
man, sis like PIN his head prevents him
from going too far
A BUG crawling down behind a shirt-col-
lar must be promptly attended to, no matter
how glorious the sunset.
"HAvE | not, my son, given you every ad.
vantage 2" "Oh, yes but could not think
of taking advantage of you, father"
Ir was Little Three-year-old who, when a
carpenter had been called in to ease the
doors, ran into an adjoining room to tell her
mother that he was taking the skin off the
door,
SAID an insinuating clerk of watering
place hotel to a stranger e" Our charges are
FIVE dollars dav, besides extras. Shall |
enroll you as our guest ?" The stranger said
he "guest not"
ARE you there, my love 7" he whispered
through hole in the fence of his beloved's
backyard. "Yes, darling" was the reply,
"jump right over" He did so, and alighted
/ in the presence of her mother, a broomstick
and a policeman
JONES has discovered the respective ma
lures of distinction and difference. He
saws that "a little difference frequently
makes many enemies, while "a little distinc-
ton " attracts hosts of friends to the one on
whom it is conferred.
SHALL pay you now, or when | call for
the certificate 2" blandly said bridegroom
to the clergyman who had just married him.
"Oh, when you call for the certificate" an
swered the clergyman. He has had the
certificate ready from that day to this, but
the happy bridegroom has never called for it.
A PAPER recently contained the following
item A building in this city took fire in
the roof yesterday from spontaneous COM
bustion. An examination into the cause
was made, but nothing bearing on the sub
iect was ascerta aned beyond the fact that
the edifice was tenanted by thirty-eight
lawyers"
"WHEN was in Mexico" said Bijah
looking out of the window, saw it rain
Just about this hard for fourteen consecu-
tive days" There was an awful silence for
a minute, and then a vagrantishlooking old
man, who had stepped in to sell some tooth
ache drops. toed the mark aud said ." also
used to live in Mexico, and remember that
shower. That was nothing, however to one
you have probably forgotten. 1t began rain.
ing one Monday morning, and continued
, right along for twenty-eight days. was
! then living on a prairie, and the water rose
, and rose until it finally stood torty-eight
! feet deep all over my land" Bjah looked
at him with scorn aud contempt, and sarcas-
tically inquired: How did you escape -
81 climbed pole forty-nine feet high was
:, the quiet answer. got my feet wet, of
course, but we must put up with some dis
comforts in this sinful world" The old
ianitor was so mad that he wouldn't even
g take bottle of the drops ON trial-no cure,
4 no pay, lie said he'd rather die OF tooth
ache than to patronize man who wouldn't
tell the truth when it hankered TO be told,
e -Dehoa Free Press
!, A YANkEE while footing towards the
West got very hard up, and was cudgeling
= his brains how he should make raise of a
a little money. Finally he met a Dutchman
= who was followed by great ugly, cowardly
dog, and he entered into conversation with
- him, Nice dog you've got there" said he
~ " Yaw, he pees a very fine tog." "Ill bet
n YOU dollar can tell what his name is.
"a !" What ish dot : An you neter see dot tog
q before" No, of course not, but I'll bet a
81 dollar can tell what mis- ualne is" "P,
~ gracious, takes dot pet, said the Dutch
T., man eager to make an honest dollar. well
~ call him here aud let me have look al
. him." said Yank Here, Fritzy, Fritzy
ar Come here and make me Won tollar, salc
the Dutchman, calling his dog. The Yam
no kee patted him on the head, lo' king dowr
~ his throat. " His name is Fifty" said he
"A with deliberation. "Donder and bitten !
~ exclaimed the Dutchman, with open eye
., and mouth Am not right ?" "iaw
- Ly gracious" said he, handing over th
"a wager, by jinks, | know not dot my tos
-, carry his card down his droat. must chok
az his darnneck for him, and away he marched
80 irving to get kick at the poor dog, who's
~ name he had given away himself