The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1877-09-13
A JOKE ON A BRIDEGROOM.
Two Members Of One Family Must Not
Draw Pay from Uncle SAM.

Two Members Of One Family Must Not
Draw Pay from Uncle Sam.
Speaking of tho clerkesses, it is well to
say that our blessed paternal govern
ment does not encourage matrimOny.
IA contrdire, it does quietly impede and
discourage them; for it Is one of the
rules, and, as the constitution of the debat-
ing society expresses it, the regulations,
that if a clerk of 8 department takes unto
himself a cletkess as wife one or the other
will be Immediately removed, as two of
a family may not draw pay in an humble
capacity from our blessed government.
! This rule gave rise to q rather unpleasant
and somewhat amusing incident not
| long since. There was a clerk OF sus-
ceptible heart hid away under a some
what burly persona clerk known to the
state of Ohio-whO fell desperately in
| love with a little clerkess, who not only
tOiled in the same department with him
self, but messed and rOOmed In the same
| clearinghouse. The clerk-the able
| bodied clerk-made known his passion to
| the little blonde, and, to his delight,
| found the tenderness reciprOcated. They
were engaged, but alas could not marry,
as that would cause the dismissal Of one
| or the other, and this the poor pen
| driving doves could not afford. Now
one cannot go on sparkling forever, for, as
| they sparked, their love grew more in
| tense At last it was determined by the
two that they would circumvent old
| Uncle Samuel-the mean, penuriOus,
unlOving old scoundrel--by a secret mar
riage. To this end, amid the merry
| hours of the Christmas and New Years
| holiday, they stole away and were secret
ly married in a neighboring city. They
returned the same day, and, naturally
enough, the young wife fingered unknown
| to the clearinghouse in the room o. h5r
newly-made husband. Unfortunately the
| other clerks of the mess were on a spTee
! that night, and as the lately-Tnade bus
! band had been on these occasions some
what of q leader and very amusing
! fellow, his absence was noted on. Well,
on to the small hours, when the liquor
told most, there was a demand, a bOis-
terous demand, made for the absentee.
They wanted his famous recitations of
! "The MeDageTie,' - " You Shouldn't Eat
Tripe on a Friday" "The Gent Who
Saw Pleasure in his Own Room" " The
Salt Sea Crab" and other punning songs
of a like sort. A delegation sought his
room, and returning said it was locked
on the inside, and no pounding produced
any result, save orders to 90 away and
let the incumbent sleep in peace. A
cunning gentleman said that he could
not get into the rooms through a door
bOlted and locked from TIE outside of the
room of the comic but absent gentleman
| The entire crowd sought that door. II
was unbOlted and unlOcked-then thrust
open, upsetting, in so doing, washstand
It was arranged that after gaining access
the gas should be lit, the bed pulled Ou1
= and a war dance executed around the
l Door helpless clerk. This was dOne-a
, least it was in process Of being done
2 The gas was lit, the old couch pHlleC
9 out, and the wild dance began amid th'
e indignant protest Of the disturbed gentle
l man, when one Of the number discOverOC
= the outline of anether form in the bed
= and with Intoxicating mischief pulle'
: down the clothes. This was fOllowe,
= first bv screams, any ore of which wOul,
e have made-Oh Oh Howard run tel
Y miles. After that came a general engage
;, ment, in which bOetiack was found I
: be a most efficient and telling piece q
4. fixed ammunition IN the hands of q stou
n and angry clerk Just married. OF cnurs
IS there was nothing to do but gather in th
e astouished and somewhat bloody heade
q clerks in the adjoining room and exEibi
d the documentary proofs of matrimony
T. Then the clerks, good fellows all, afte
a bathing their broken heads and washin
e their bloody noses, swOre never to revea
: by word, sign, or writing, what they ha
Il witnessed or what they knew. And the
kept their word. only was admitte
I to the secret, and you see 1 reveal u
n names, for I consider it good moralit
T and therefore ones duty to circumveT
IS Uncle Samuel in this way, and
7. smuggling whenever one gets a chanc'
Is Don Pjatfs Letter to the C7lcinHa
e Enquirer.