The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-07-05
PASSING SMILES.

A HANDSAW Is gOOQ InlnS, DuG
razc- is better to shave with.
CAN eel is not as slippery as you are,
but it can live on water longer" as the
fisherman said to the politician.
A BOY writhing in the agonies of his
first summer stone bruise, said he felt
as though he had stepped on a jumpin'
toothache.
Now we know all about it A Phila-
delphia paper says: The diurnal fisseros-
traf birds of the family hirundinid@ are
commonly called swallows.
Frogs, frogs beautiful frogs,
Spear them out of the svamps and bogs,
Carefully cut off the parts that are latter,
Fry them done brown when you've dipped them
in batter. - 'Ifttst s--Fufon Times.
EVERY Turkish soldiers ambition is
to grow mustache as big as a gray,
squirrels tail. When that has been acI
complished he is great soldier.
PORTLAND has an old woman who was
killed in bed by falling plaster. Her
fate was of herown ceiling.-Puck. And
it was real mortar-fying, wasn't it?
The American giantess is dead, but
the recollection of how she kicked a
OfSl biO SdSO VI
hyenas will never be entirely effaced.
IT rather pleases one, in taking up a
Texas paper and reading an account of
a "Raffie for, a-double-barreled shot
gum" to find that the Rev. Mr.. - was
the winner: ,,- ,F
THE young man who cannot afford to
keep his girl stuffed full of ice-cream
and strawberries can invite her into the
garden and show her how to Gull the
sportive potato-bug. f,s.H
"THERE is place for everything and
everything in its place." runs the prov
erb, but we defy any person to find a
place for the feet of long-legged man
at crowded dinner party
FULTON Times: There is "a limit to
everything but the destruction that fol-
lows the course of mans big toe when
he gets it through a hole in the bed-quilt,
and is suddenly attacked by the night
mare. 'ti i'' 't''ii''' 49,
The man who about house-clean-
ing times sells to you frst-class furni-
ture polish will in day or two have the
same article for sale at the seaside as
an infallible remedy for the removal of
freckles. '''' ''''1 JOBS
elf have stupid son." pompously
announced Captain Smith. of the army,
"Pll make a parson of him." You
don't intend to follow your fathers ex-
ample, then" remarked the Rev. Mr..
Brown.
THERE are many followers of the
cynic who wrote: "Our curate's eyes
my daughters praise. l can not tell if
they're divine; for when he prays he
closes them, and when he breaches, I
shut mine." '.f -
AND now scientific publication warns
the public against using modern tinware
for cooking purposes. Things will soon
get to such pass that the only safe way
will be to take out-victuals raw and eat
them from chip. tiu- or
A FACETIoUs boy asked one of his play
mates how a hardware dealer differed
from a bootmaker? The latter, some
what puzzled, gave it up. Why" said
the other, "because the one sold the nails,
and the other nailed the soles.p
AUNT EMILY (who thinks that two's
company and three's none l thought
mama told you, before she went out, to
90 down stairs for the present, Mabel"
Mabel (who thinks three better than
one e)-"Well, and so did; but l didn't
find the present, so here l am again."
BETTER THINGS,
Better to smell the violet COOL than sip the glowing
Better to bark hidden brook, than watch diamond
shine.-OH Time Poet.
patta tho1 hpar than xna he nty
Better to kiss pretty girl, than wink at homely
lass-NorTiStOtrn Herald
Better to have your breeches patched than owe for
Better to get your little cot thatched when the
weather is fair-FnLon Times.
Better to wear happy smile, than go through life
with sigh;
Better to bet a single pair, than risk it on ace
Better to run daily paper" than drive behind a
Better to have the stomach ache, than ache within
your heart.-Cdmden Post. . q
Better to laugh DER your good luck, than weep
Ger another's woes; 9 c%La
Better boil on your neighbors LEG, than wart on
your own fair nose.-Bmriiagtoa Hdrk-Eye.
WHEN there isnot breath of air stir
ring, and you are in danger of sitting,
attempt to lighta cigar out doors and you
will be surprised at the breeze that will
start up. We have seen man try this
experiment in dead calm, and by. the
time he had scratched his thirteenth
match, it was really so windy as to be
uncomfortable. raei F.
BROOKLYN women seek divorce on a
very slight pretext. Mrs. Pratt, of that
city, asks a.alegal- separation from her
husband because he flung pitcher at
her, hit her with lighted kerosene
lamp, drew knife across her neck and
threatened to cut her throat, threw a
glass bottle at her, stuck fork in her
leg, poured hot tea over her, hit her in
the back with bootjack, and refused to
give her money to 60 to circus.