The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-02-16
FACTS AND FANCIES.

makes himself "really quite too Tar more
than awfully agreeable"
A LEMON tree at Stanford, Fla, pro-
duced 5000 lemons last year, some of
which weighed pound each.
THE Berkshire Mass ice product is
so clear that newspaper may be read
through three feet of it.
TIE editor vino can conduct news
aper one year without making an enemy
would make very successful managing
editor Of medicinal almanac.
A PHRENoLoGIsT says the principal
bump on George Washington's head is
adhesiveness. He alludes to Georges
head on postage stamp.
JONES says the war en- mother-in-law
is unkind. He has nothing much against
his mother-in-law except this fact that
all her children were not sons.
BLATANT conceit-The impression on
the part of our opponents that they have
right, equally with ourselves, to
opinions of their own.
A FRENCH tourist, on a visit to the
centennial last summer, wrote home
"Americans live we'll up to their income,
and insure their lives for the balance"
IT is perhaps true that the indiscrimin-
ate charity does more harm than good,
but Just at present indiscriminhte
charity is not prolific enough to justify
the hOisting Of storm signals.
The Catholic Directory for 1877 re-
ports that the number of Catholic
churches in this country is 1922; OF
priests, 5,297. The estimated Catholic
population is 6,200,00
Il IL
hibited now in most of the large cities
are not educated at all, according TO
Boston investigator. Their performances
all consist;of efforts to escape.
"HAsT thou a charm to stay the morn
ing star ?" he said, as he trundled off
after a paper of hair pins for her. and she
glOOmily muttered that she'd rather mar
ry Balaam's ass than poet.
A WISCONSIN lumberman offers thirty
dollars in cash for "a Tattling good wife
-one who is not too high-nOsed to grow
fat on bean soup" All females reaching
this point can go through without
change of ofcars.-Eree Press.
A GERMAN looked up at the sky, and
remarked: 81 guess leedle it will rain
somedime pooty queek." "Yees do,
eh ?" replied an Irishman. "What bust
ness have yees to purtend to know about
Ameriken weather, ye furriner."
TEACHER-NVho was the first manP
Brown (head boy Washington; he was
first in war, first in-Teacher--
no Adam was the first man. Brown
Obi If you're talking of foreigners,
'spose he was.
BRIGHT-EYEs, on being told that her
heart was like a garden, where flowers
grew when she was good and weeds when
She was naughty, rendered it to the SER
want, "When l am naughty have n
weed in my stomach"
HERBERT SPENCER fills out his para
graphs with such words as "endogomy,"
'exogamy," "pOlygamy," "monogamy,'
'polyandry," ''Polyguy" aad "agna-
tion," thus enabling imperfect minds 10
take in his meaning at glance.
A CERTAIN way to keep ants from
sugar barrels, lard pans and preserve
ar, says one who has tried it, is TO tie
string wet with.kerosene around the
oarrei, can or jar. Repeat the wetting
If the string with the kerosene oil every
ew days.
TIE Danbury News says: "We are
Ill more or less conceited until after we
,ravel." Is travel, then, a sovereign
remedy for conceit Dear James, come
west and listen a few hours some busy
morning to the man who has been St
The centennial.
On examining some new fiowersin the
garden of the Rev. Sydney Smith beau
iful girl who was of the party exclaimed,
'Oh, Mr.. Smith, this pea will never
,ome to perfectionl" "Permit me, then,
aid he, gently taking her hand and
Walking toward the plant, ITO lead per-
ection to the pea"
STRANGER, if you must have pet or
,erish, git young hedgehog--a male
ne iz preferable-and keep him housed
n a barrel, and view him thru the bung-
ole whenever yu feel lOnesuRl, and If
his don't make yu feel happy, it GER
ainly amt pets that ails yu.-Josh
billings.
TINE, begirning of the year. First
tudent Ito second ditto). "Glad to see
on back" Second student, $50 glad
ou're glad" First student, "Glad
oure glad, I'm glad" Second student,
So glad you're glad Pm glad you're
ad." A realizing scene of the awful
sanity to which they are drifting here
-eaks Offthe coliloquy.g
'0YEs. she's somebody's motherin-
", said the old lawyer aside as he saw
r. get down a chair for herself with n
ack and bride into it, making a hair
ne seam of her mouth, and lengthening
sr chin downward about an inch and
III. "Madame," he said, "he's a villain
ldoubtedly. How much alimoDy does
,ur daughter wish TO appropriate 2"
AFTER the battle of Chattanooga the
rgeons made several incisions in the
2 of a soldier who had been wounded
the knee by II musket ball. Out OF
Itience at last, the soldier exclaimed:
Why are you carving me up 30 2"
We're trying TO find the ball, !" answer
a surgeon "Wby didn't you ask for
c ball in the first place ?" Indignantly
led the soldier; ''here it is in my
cketr'
A TRAVELLING show in the west con-
ted of human curiosities" all from one
nily. The head of the concern was
mson and sword swallower. His wife
,s the fat woman His daughter, with
r hair bleached and her eyes painted,
IS the Circassian girl. His son-in-law
IS the door-teEder. His three-year-
n dressed in trousers, was the dwarf,
ged fifteen" His son, in cage, was
Fiji cannibai. In Wisconsin village
ere was a family row, and in the en-
ing trial in court the secrets Of their
Isiness came out. But they have be
me reconciled, and once more the old
an lifts weights and swallows swords,
e Circassian girl fiirts with the fellows,
e door-tender shouts the merits OF the
bibition, the dwarf toddies on his
attorm and kisses the women and the
nRibal howls in his carriage.