The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1877-09-25
Gone with the coal oil can.

Gone with the coal oil can.
"When the Blossoms Cover vs. Daring
was written by fellow who had hollis all
over him.
-Vassar College ia to have a thousand
dollar elevator. The girls have almost
worn the baniSters out sliding down; so the
faculty think il will be cheaper to provide
an elevator.
The last time We looked at those baniSters
they were chuck fall Of slivers, and il the
average Vassar girl has been sliding down
EN- ever since, she must have--but build
the eleva,or-build the elevator, quick.
-B,se.A the slave who sings from hi-
boot legs.
Why 40, il he hath music in his sole?
Walker, Of the Windsor Rerisw asks ,,s
where >. 5. Sherman is. lie is in Appleton
City. What more Nod
Nothing more, thank you; We Just didn't
want him to get lost -Rerier.
You can't lose him. lie ties the end OF
one OF his sentences tn his waist aud the
other to his front gate everv mornlng. This
gives him rope enough to 60 over the whole
State, and pull himself in, hand over hand,
at dark.
The following thrilling legend greets
pions pilgrims To the Christian Church, IN
this place ;-"please leve yore tobacco at
the dore. Enterprise Monitor.
Phipps went to that church A years ago
and obeyed the injunction. lie hasn't had
any tobacco of his own since.
What the civilized world il waiting for
now II not exactly the result Of the war in
Turkey, but whether women, the coming
season, will continue to dive down and yank
up their dress skirts with their right hand
~. Joe Chronicle.
There il good deal Of vigor in the yank,
but the poetry Of the motion all lies in the
wiggle that follows il.
Cats horn 1900 feet above the sea are
deaf.-EI.
Sling in another mile and make 'em dumb.
We seldom find fault with B,rnum,,
but when he says he has "the greatest show
ON EARTH" he forgets Sol.lene's mouth AMI
Lydia Thompson's-ballet.
The BAzoO SAYS ii the divorce epidemic
keeps up there won't be any wives left in
Central Missouri.-!Suiine County Progress.
Hush sh-sh! Give the girls a chance
Sh-sh sh.
Tobacco cutting has begun.-!Siiae u.
Fogrexs.
Pshaw! fellows we're sitting around on
dry goods boxes here cutting their tobacco
a month ago.
To arms, brethren q the press, to
arms! Let us fly to the hreastworks and
rally around Sister Sankey. Here's what
the wsrrensburg .Jo~~ci- JAmoc,af says:
7. +. Coleman, one Of the hest citizens in
the county, says he lives near the Cass
county line, and that he knows that there
are no Democrats in his section, either in
Johnson or Cass, that will support the Of
spring Of the Holden HOOsiOO."
"lIooloo," indeed Won't support Little
Henry, ether Eugene, where art thou ?
Everybody in this vicinity, upon look-
ing at the pictures Of Barnum's tattooed
man, exclaims: "Why, I never knew that
II. Martin Williams was in Tartary.
DIR. Campbell, of st. Louis, was up last
week and performed two surgical operations
for cross-eyes.-BOonr,As Eage.
We've got . fellow here who il 20 cross
eyed that he has to 90 sideways, and even
then he has got on the other side Of the
street in order To find out where the store IL
he wishes to enter. He il the only man in
America Who can stand with his face to the
north, at ak O'Clock in the morning, and
zee the sun rise in the east and set IN the
west ut the same moment.
Brigham Young Was the father Of fifty
six children and the husband of nineteen
wives at the time of his death. There's q
good opening in MOrmOndom for some en-
terprising young man.-FVwingm Times
From this statement Of the case the OPEN
ing is entirely too vide; bus . young man
might possibly GIL it.-BAzO0
Barrett Of the BANJO has 6een West and
always speaks from ENTHUSIASTICALLY
ton 7smes.
Anexperience is dear crea-t teacher, we
mean.
-Whev! Listen to Sister Sankey:
!. N. Jones Of the Clinton Adrocase il very
i'll With fever. Sister jones il also unable
to get out Of bed. A very united family.
The devil has his hands full.
Satan turned nurse!
How 10 the Bates County Record going
to end out about that Murphy p HRdes
Estepis.
We appoint Austin . committee Of one on
investigation.
-Windsos has young timer who il said
to be in love. he makes fruit can. with two !
tops and no botions.-HoIhsa EnszPi~c.
No love ''can" be fruitful without bottom. |
Under the headline, .Follies Of the
Fair" the 81. Joseph GaseAs says that "Ds.
Du!in and his estimable lady we're ut the
exposition grounds yesterday siterssor, ac-
By their entire college al young
lsdiea." We fail to zee where "follie." come |
in With such company.-Cxmb;a Nrtcs-
men.
You "fsil to zee where folly comes in, " do
you! Well, there's . great many thing
you can't re. but they ara there. neverthe-
len. Suppose one Of 'en had stopped to
lie up her shoe? What does Goldsmith
,ay:
~When lovely woman stoopa 70 folly
And learns too late that men betray,
What art can soolAe hes melancholy,
Efc etc ate ~