The bee., 1877-08-09

not 30 much, however. for the pleasure of helping The distressed and sorriwlng, ss to delight myself in their gratitude and love. Deprivations had net to suf- fer on this account, for my wishes were satisfied before gave utterance to them. My God loved with n childish trust He was the Creator of all the beauty and magniilcence about me
 When was eighteen years old, was allowed to go to my first ball. M" first sorrow had then--it was that the ball nights were too short thought could dance continually. l was never tired, and had an inexhaustible power of being happy and joyous
 At trst felt alike indifferent 10 all the dancers, for could whirI around with Dll equally we'll: with all talked and tested. But this soon changed. be- came acquainted with young man who seemed to prefer me to all the other la dies. From this moment he possessed my whole thoughts and feelings. He was an officer, brave and noble, liked and respected by all who knew him. Just as much as 1 inclined to be gay and thoughtless, so grave, so melancholy was he. It fiaitered me that alone could,' with one friendly look, make his often gloomy eyes sparkle with sudden joy.
 You must be quieter, dear child, my mother would say, who soon perceived how l felt, we women must never openly show man what he is to us un- til he has sued for our love with words
 tried to follow thls advice, but it al ways remained by the trial. l could conceal my feelings only when l lowered my eyes, and if Leo Gunther-.-this was his nsme--asked me with his deep, rich voice, not sorrowful. Miss Lucie ? had to look up, and knew in that one look he could read my whole sonl.
 Often longed and expected that Leo would declare himself; but l, through maidenly reserve, always knew how to prevent when 1 thought he intended to do so.
 Spring came. A picnic was arranged fifty years ago yesterday l attired myself in way h ped would please him. But hour after hour passed, and he came not. l was very miserable, al though oatwardly appeared as gay as ever. At last, after had given up all hope of seeing him, he arrived. A friend from afar had visited him and so delayed him. But 1 had accustomed myself to think and feel selishly. and this seemed no excuse to me- It irrita ted me that had to be secondary to his friend l determined to show him that I could be joyous without him. l ignor- ed him wholly, and laughed and talked all the more with the other young men who sat at our table was gayer than ever. But when noticed with what deep sorrow my conduct filled him, l was appeased, and was about to speak d kind word to Leo, when l suddenly be- came aware. that his eyes rested on me with a passionateness hitherto wholly un- known to me.
 Ah,' thought l, now you begin to know how unutlerably you are loved. How strong how deep must his love be, if a little neglect can agitate him So.
 A faint giddiness came over me; l pressed my hands on my heart--l was afraid it's beating would be heard.
 Until then it had been quiet, happy affection which felt for him: to pas sion, about which had sometimes read in novels, it had never risen. For that the circumstances were too clear there were no impediments in our way. Now for the first time tasted drop of the poisonous passion, and it intoxicated me. ] became more and more excited :; I wanted to try how great my power was. believe never loved Leo so much as in this hour. The happiness to be loved, 60 loved from this grave, earnest man, excited me strangely; my heart beat joyously. But 1 would drain the cup of happiness to the very bottom i; and the darker his brow became, the tighter he compressed his lips as it in great pain, the more Intoxicating l felt his love. So it happened that became still more friendly to the other gentle men, and more and more cold and naughty to him. and when at last we