The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1877-01-18
a PiekerIng. IN scri5ner's Monthly
The Old fine Religion.


BROTHER SIMEON I say, brewer
Horace, l neArn you sTye SIeriky de
terribIes. beating las mite. What
: you and she bab failini out about /?
BROTHER HORACE: Well brover
Simeon, yoH knows yourself, / never
has no detection to sDlsaifying how
1 rules my folks at home, and stab
: fishes order dar when it's D'iutodly
needed, and fore gracious I IeaO
you 70 say dis time ef 'tws'nit Eeeded,
and dat pow'ful bad.
You see, Use alters been a plain,
: straight-sided Higgef, an baint never
mad no Use for new faRdangies, let it
be what it mout; 1igion, p0iytix, BIS
ness,-don't keeF WhAt,-Ois Horace
say De ole way sm de bes' Vsv. an
you niggers dRt's all runnin' teeto-
tleum crazy bout ebeFy new inn
crack dat's started, better jes' stay
whar you Is, and let them things
alone. But dey won't do it, no
mount Of preaching won't sarve um.
And dat is jes' at this partickeIer pint
dat Meriky got dat dressin'. She
done been of at Riebmun Town llV-
in in sarvice dar dis las winter, and
Saturday week ago, she came home
! ter make a visit. Well, dat was all
good enough Course we was all glad
TO see our dRrteF. Bot you b'Pive dat
gal hadn't turned stark bodily naked
fool z Yes sir. she want no more
like De Meriky dat went away lest, q
few munts ago, dan rchslk's like
cheese. Dsr she come IN, wld her
close pinned tight enufFto hinder her
from squattin', and her ha'r a-danz-
lin rightin her eyes, jesi for ali de
wOrP like ram a-loOkin' fru brush
pile, and you think dat niger haint
forgot how to talk ? She jes' rolled
up her eyes ebery oder word and
famed and talked like she spected 10
die de mex bref. She'd toss dat mush
head ob hern and talked proper as two
dixunsrys. Stead OBJ she caIlin' OBJ
me "Daddy," and her mudder, ''Mam-
N.Y." she say, "Par and Mar, how
can you bear to live in sech a one
horse town as this Oil 1 think I
should die," aud right about dar she
hab all de actions OBJ an old drake In
a thunderstorm. l jes' stared at dat
gal tell make her out, an says to
myself, "Its got to come" but 1
don't say nothin' to nobody bout it,
all de same knoWed it had to come
jes' as las. Well, 1 jes' let her hab
more rope, as de sayin' is, tell she got
whar 'cluded was bout de end OBJ
her tedder. Dat war on last Sunday
mornin', whin she went to meetin' in
sich rig, a-puttin' on a'rs, tell she
couldn't keep a straight track. Whin
she canned home, she brung kumpny
wild her, and, of course, 1 couldn't do
nuthin' then but, 1 jest keep my ears
open, an ef dat gal didn't dlsquollify
me dat day, you ken hab my hat.
Bime-by, dey all gifts TO tslkin' bout
| 'ligion and de clutches, and den one
young buck he step up, an says he
miss Meriky, give Us your 'einion
bout de matter Pr Wild dat she flung
up hep head proud as de Queen Vic
| tory, an says she," I takes no INTEL
ligence in sich matters dey is all too
common for me. Baptisses is q foot
or two below my grade. tends de
PiselopiAn chuioh whar resides, an
spects to jine dat one de mex anniver-
sary Ob be bishop. OH dey does
cherry thing so lovely, and in so much
style. 1 declar', nobody but common
folks in de city goes to de Baptiss
chu'eh. 1t made me sick at nv
stomach to see so much sboutin' and
groanin' dis mOrnin', tits so ungen-
Ueel wild US to make so much sarcum-
lOcutions in meeting'." And thar she
went on giratin' bout de preacher
a-comin' out in a white shirt, and
den a-running bscS and gittin' on a
black one, an de people j1mpin' up
and a jawin' OBJ de preacher outen a
took, and a-bowin' OBJ dey heads and
a-sGyin OBJ long rigamaroles o. stuff
tell my head fairly buZzed, and I were
dat mad at de gal jes' couldn't see
muffin in dat room, Well, jes' walt
ed tell the kumpny riz to go, and den
L steps up, and says I, "Young folks,
you needn't let what Meriky told you
bout dat chu'ch, put no change inter
you. She's sorter out ob her right
mine now, but de nex' time you
comes, she'll be all right on dat and
seberal oder subjicks ;" and den dey
stared at Meriky mighty hard, and
goes away.
Well, jes' walks up 20 her and 1
says, "Dsrter," says /, "what chu'ch
are dat you say you gwine to jine ?-'
and ssYs she very prompt like, ''De
| PiselOpian, Pa aud says /, "Meriky,
Use mighty consarned bout you, kase
L knows your mine amt right, and 1
shall jis' hsb to bring You Topn' de
shortest way possible" So / reich
me fine bunch of hick'ries l done
! prepared for dat 'casion. O. And den
she Jumped up and say she, "Whst
make you think loss my senses 2"
l''Becase, dAter, you done forgot how
TO walk, and to talk, and dem Is sure
tsigns," and wild dat I jes' let In on
/ her, tell istonished her 'siderabIy.
Fore we're done wild her sue got ober
dem Gyin' s'rs and Jumped as high SIS
hopper grass Blme.by she gins to
holler, "0h, IOrdy, daddy daddy
don't give me no more ~ And says
/, "YOu're imprOvin', datis q fsc',-
done got your nat'ral voice back.
WHAT church does you long TO, Meri-
KY ?n And says she, q cryin', "I
don't 'lOng to none, Par"
Well, I glib her anodder leetIe tetcb,
/ and says /, "What chu'ch does you
long to, darter ?" and, says she, all
choked like, ST doesn't 'long to none"
Den jes' make dem hick'ries ring
for bout five minutes, and den say,
"What ehu'ch you long to nOW,
Meriky m And says she, fairly
shoutin', ''Bsptiss, I'se deep water
Bsptiss." "Bery good,n says l, "You
don't 'speet to hsb your name took
often dem chU'eh books 2" And says
she, mo, sar; allus did despise dem
stuck up PisclOpesns dey amt got
no 'HgiOn nohOw" '.l .fE
Brewer Simeon, you never see a gal
so hOlpen by a coed genteel thrashin'
in all your days. l boun' she wont
never stick her nose in dem new fan
| dsugle clutches no more. Why, she
jes' walks as straight dis mornin' and
looks ss pert as q sunfiOwer. PlI lay
8 ten-pence she'll be s-singin' before
night that good ole hyme she usened
to be so fond OBJ. You knows, brewer
Simeon, how de words run:
"Baptis', Baptis' Is my name,
My names written on high e.
'Spects to lib an die the same,
My names written on high"
BROTHER SIaEoN.-Yes, dat che
will, be boun' ef L does say it,
brewer Horace, you beats any man on
chu'ch gU6erment an family dis
placement OBJ any body / ever has
seen.
BROTHER HORACE Well, brewer,
1 does my bes'. You mus prsy for
me, so dst my hans may be strength
ened. Dey feels mighty weak after
dat conversion I gave dat Meriky las
night.