The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-09-08
NUMBER 81.
PASSING SMILES.
wmArgrows bigger asyou contractitg

| w ia SiV'' t'SSoNs -.
Debt.
The man that makes a character
makes foes.
WHAT is the best thing to do in
hurry Nothing.
Thar is a most wretched fortune
which is without an enemy.
THE great vices of ourtime are simply
! lying, cheating and stealing
The devil never yet tempted man
whom he found judiciously employed.
YOU'VE man, you can go up hill as
fast as you please, but so down hill slow.
Conn whisky under certain circum.
stances may not inappropriately be called
grain elevator.
BArrENKILL is the name of a sta
ton in Vermont and baseball clubs are
arranging for matches there.
THERE is one crop which is held to be
all the better the more "wceds" it pro-
duccs, and that is the tobacco crop.
"Give the tramps no quarters. "-Ne,o
York Herald. We don't. We seldom
give them over five Consideration
Herald.
The Queens speech is all right.
Some one writes it for her, reads IT Tor
her. and all she has to do is TO applaud
herself for knowing so much.
A SKATE was caught in the river at
this place measuring twenty-six feet
across. Nor,cich Bulletin. Some Nor
wich young lady lost il off her foot
while skating last winter. --Nco London
Telegram.
THE announcement that counterfeit
eagles are in circulation is extremely
anoying. IL wouldn'tbe at all pleasant
for n fellow to find two or three bad ones
counting over his salary at the end OF
the week.
AN Irish pilot being asked if he knew
the rocks in the harbor replied with con-
fidcnce, al do, your honor, livery wan OF
thin. That's wan" he added calmly,
as the ship struck it, filled and sank TO
| the bottom.
LONG BRANCH hotel keepers say that
nine guests out Of ten seem to try their
best to eat twice AS much as is good for
them. In this country every person
wants the worth of his money, even IL
it makes him sick.
Commercial Adoertiser: Did IL hurt
YOU much ?'' asked man as tile towel
rack in the printing office came down
ON Spilkin's head the other day. No;
but Il came down with u crash, neyerthe-
less replied Leander.
SITTING dear Sitting come home with us now,
| For Cusler's forgotten aud gone,
You said you coming from over tue Inc,
| AS soon as your hunting was done
The Ratchet is buried as deep as eau be,
And Joseph with lloward'sai play .,
SO give us your guns and your ponies ana thihBsr
Aud come with us, Sitting, tostay.
Chorus--sitiing, dear Sitting come home, etc
--.a Louis Times.
TRANSLATED from Punch: Pres
byterian minister (who sees small boy
Gshing)--' Don't you know that 1T IS
wicked to catch fish ON Sunday! Small
boy (who had not yet caught any fish,
- Who's catching any fish,
BRIpGEPoRT Standard: The statement
that the coal fields of the world will be
exhausted in two thousand years, brings
no permanent solace to the man who has
to carry the present daily supply for the
family up three pairs OF stairs
The following incident happened in
one of the publiS schools OF this city
Teacher Define the word 'excavate.
Scholar-"I 1t means to hollow out. "
Teacher" Construct sentence IN
which the word is properly used. /"
Scholar" The baby excavatcs when i
gets hurt"
AN editor, attending church Last
, Sabbath for the first time in many years
stopped at the entrance. After looking
: in vain for the bell-pull, he deliberately
. knocked at the door, and politely waited
: until some one opened it and let him in
ANY person who can form no correct
, idea Of what is meant by railroad
watering its stock" can feel for himself
the full force of the expression by din
ing heartily on dried apples and Their
e drinking heartily Of the aqueous.
THE Mayor Of Waco, Texas, went Z
Chicago on business, and during hi
! absence some one presented his resigna
/, ton in the Council. 1t was willingl.
! accepted and new election ordered, bu
: the Mayor got back in time to spoil tn
a joke.
: A JUDGE, joking young lawyer
: said: If you and were turned into
n horse and an ass, which would you pre-
t fer to be?' "The ass, to be sure" re
: piled the lawyer. "Pve heard Of al
e ass being made Judge, but a horse
. never"
: A CONTEMPORARY says in recent art
: Gle: IF you wish to know whether ma
!. is superior to the prejudicesof the world
ask him to carry parcel for YOU"
fellow tried this plan a few day sine
upon a well-dressed man he met at
railway station. The well-dressed ma
q took the parcel, and the other wa
!, satisfied that he was superior to th
V prejudices of society, but he has notsee
! the parcel since.
o ->-s---p--