St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-11-09
Humorsone.

nothing that increase faster than potato
bugs, unless it is the interest of an un-
paid note.
While we are wrestling with the mo-
mentOus question of unemployed labor,
let us pause to consider how steadily
and lucratively employed is the man
who minds his own business.
There is, once in while, woman
in this country who thinks that "house-
hold management stops at the making
of worsted dog.-Detroa Free Press
Some day an editor will lose a few
dollars by bank bursting, and then
you'll hear newspaper howl at the
loose manner in which such institutions
are conducted.-Nor'istoaon Herald.
"Crazy Horse" an exchange says,
"was the possessOr of thirty -four scalps
not counting his own, and the Indians
considered him quite a rich man." And
the cream of the thing is, this bloated
scalp-holder was the architect of his
own fortune. Every lock of hair he
possessed was of his own raising.
Mt. Carmel, Illinois, that was de-
strOyed by tornado last summer, has
recuperated SO far as to cry out that it
wants national bank. We should
think savings bank, on the Chicago
plan, would suit better; it wouldn't
make such racket as the tornado, but
it would sweep things great deal
cleaner.
The 'era of good feeling" which Mr..
Hayes has promised to inaugurate, is
already upon us. The democrats of
Ohio are feeling very good.
Tho hicrb ,NY.;ao IS 1000 - ok.-.
owing to the absence of competition in
the business. MonOpolies should be
suppressed. Somebody should get up
postage stamp that you could buy
three for five cents.
The Lowell Courier has discovered
that Cleopatra was needle woman.
Perhaps so. But there Antony doubt
she had other aspirations.
Gentlemen's hats, that last year
brought SO apiece, can now be purchas-
ed for S1.50; whereas it still costs a
woman from S15 to $50 to go compar-
atively eheaded.-AndreiC's Basar.
A new religious sect holds that hus-
band must confess his sins to his wife
once a week. 1t is conspiracy against
the lady mentioned. She wouldn't sur
vive the confessions two weeks.
A Simsbury lad of about eight years,
whose 'little brother made his ssfirst
appearance the previous day, was ask
ed if his little brother helped him do
the chores that day. To which he in
nocently replied, "Yes he MIXED"
At the market-"Well, how goes the
sale of game this year ." Gladly, very
badly prices are so high that very few
people can be found to buy. The busi-
ness would be ruined entirely if it
wasn't that we have one class of steady
customers 'The-7" "The amateur
spOrtsmen who have been out for a
days shooting"
Kind mother, at a window-''Danny
boy, hurry in. If yer don't, yer ham
am yer eggs, an yer nice cup o. tay will
be spilled" Obedient son, on the side
walk.-"Truly, mother, have you ham
an eggsq All yer only foolin' me-"
Kind mother.-"Whist, ye divil I'm
kiddin' the neighboIs"
A tramp called at house on West
Hill the other day and asked for some
thing to eat. He was so thin, he said,
that when he had pain he couldn't
tell whether it was touch of the collie
or the ackache.-HaUkeye.
Mr.. Cheerybles asked his wife, the
other morning "What is the difference,
dear, between bribing a man with ten
dollar bill to keep his mouth shut, and
mixture of Indian meal and water 7"
He almost took her breath away when
he answered: "Why, you see, one is
hush money, the other is mush, honey"
Drive out with horse, and he will
hio toll 1E0 to %
force away troublesome flies but let
him once get his tail over line and
the old quadruped will wander on for
miles without thinking of the flies which
revel unmolested in his living gore.
to do the driving himself.-C Chicago
Journal.
Belzeni, many years ago, told this
odd story of the carnival at Lisbon. A
mask in the merry crowd threw an OIL
ange at the carriage ofthe Turkish Am
bassador, which struck him in the face; f;
and that dignitary, after slight delay,
appeared before the Portuguese Minis
ter of Foreign Affairs to complain of the
indignity thus publicly offered him.
"Oh," said the Minister, "such is the
custom of the country on these occa-
sions, and l hope your Excellency will
pardon it." ''Be it so," answered the
Turk, politely, "but l was about to add
when you interrupted me, that l imme-
diately drew my pistol and shot the fell
low dead, for that is the custom of our
country, and have no doubt, from the
remark you have just made, that you
will overlook it,"
There used to be an old joke-and is
is there such thing as new one -
about very small minister who went
into very high pulpit, and after an
nouncing in weak, tremulous voice
the text: IA little while, and ye shall
not see me and, again, little while,
and ye shall see me:n stumbled off the
stool and fell over backward, much to
the edification of the congregation. An
English peer made as sudden and SEN
sational an exit fortnight ago while
attending the Clifton Conference on
Confession. He was sitting in con-
spicuous position upon the platform,
within view of the assembly, when a
trap-door opened under his chair. There
was shrek Lord Radstock's heels
were seen where moment before his
head had been and then, with great
crash, his lordship and his chair disap-
peared below, and the trap flew back.
A horrible suspicion fell upon the Con-
ference, for few of the Evangelical au-
dience had ever seen anything so COM
plete and dramatic before and every
one looked into his neighbours eyes for
an explanation. The hair of the good
Bishop Anderson stood on end, for if
the devil had f1own avyav rith an Euan-