The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-08-16
TURNING THE TABLES,
HY WILLIE WINTER.

One practical joke has lasted me life-
time. When anyone invites me now to
what Martin called "a bit of executive
pleasantly" say "No, excuse me;
don't believe in pleasantly" The fact is,
some people have their fun distributed
for them along the pathway of life. l
had mine showercd on me all in one day.
Cleared the whole thing off, so to speak,
in one job, and have been solemn ever
since.
When bought that box at Scarborough,
and went into the idyllic thing, with dogs
and grapevines. and pruning knives, l
believe there wasn't a prettier cottage in
Wcstchestcr. 1t was such bowery and
poisoning place, with its big, inviting
verandah, smothered in honey -sucklc and
climbing roses, and its cool lawn, that you
may be sure that had lots of good fcl-
lows coming up there from the city in
the season. They sketched, heated,
whipped the mountains streams, and
loated on my verandah in the most prince
" fashion.
One day Martin and Scott stopped at
the gate and pretended to be tramps.
believe they'd walked all the way up from
the city, for they were covered with dust.
So set the dogs on them-Nip and Tuck
we're both with me thell-tOld Angeline
to scream for help, and then took them in,
identified them, poured some Rhenish
down, and planting them in their right
minds on the verandah, accepted their
apologies.
believe they stayed two weeks. lean
tell exactly by referring to the house
keepers book, if you would like me to be
correct. They pokcd about all over the
county, pretending to commune with Ma
ture and make color studies, but in reali-
~ lying on their backs under the trees,
exposing themselves in the brooks, and
making me believe, every other day, that
they had been bitten by rattlcsnakes.
You couldn't get mad at 'em. They
did pretty much as they pleased, and
believe Angelina allotted them in half
their dcviltry. In one of their rambles
they discovered, about half mile up the
road, a forsaken rookery, just upon the
edge of lane. 1t was deserted old tum-
ble-down frame house. The windows
were boarded up. The door was off its
hinges. There was green mud puddle
by its side. Inside, dirt and desOlatiOn
had fought themselves out and gone into
an irdissOluble alliance. I don't think
there was a meaner, wrctcheder, nastier
shanty on the Hudson. The only grace it
had was lent by sycamore that tenderly
hid the most of it from the few passers- by.
What do you think my two galliards
proposed? 1t wasn't enough that they
should praise the beauty of the old house,
and make sketches of its rat-hOles and
broken down chimney, but they carried
me and Angelina off To enjoy their discOv-
cry. That mad Martin stood there in the
road, with his head cooked ON one side,
in rapt admiration, and vowed it was the
most picturesque pile he'd ever seen.
They made me sit down on what had
been portion Of pig pen, and they d.
vulgcd to me one of the blacklist, cold
FLOODED schemes that ever entered into the
heart Of malign monster.
Let's hire the place." says Scott,
and invite White Tyson and Brown Glover
up to see u.s."
We all looked vt each other in silence q
moment, as the rich perfidy Of the scheme
flashed through our minds,
If you know Ty.-wc always called him
White Ty. in our familiar mOments-yOu
must he aware that he is the most punctil.
ious snob out of Piccalilly. He is the
fellow who had three sets of false teeth, a
walking, an Office. and q full dress set,
and who really never cOuntenanccd q fel.
low who violated the formaltics of arti.
fetal life: Fancy the luxury of asking
Ty. to this place-Ty., who said things
behind his back after eating Col. Dun.
kin's dinner, because there was only one
kind Ut wine.
"We'll mend the floor. put in broken
chair or two, get an old pine table anc
some broken crockefy," said Scott.
"We'll point out the charms of rus
ITCHY 20 him." said Martin, making mo
tiOn tOvarr1 tho aah.h ean NV the aide n
the door. "We'll swear that, ehut ou
from the rude world in such q cot a this
with the lakelet's smiling bosom at 0ul
feet (here he directed our attention to thu
green slough where late the young pig
rolled,) we are content 70 dream the hap
py hours away"
"We'll rouse him ct four O'Clock in thu
morning, give him bacon for breakfast
drag him through the manure heaps. and
VOW, by all that's holy, that this sort d
thing fills our souls with delight" said
Scott.
The inexpressible and superhumar
humOr of it," remarked Martin, Twill
consist in making them come with swal
low-tail coats.''
mo-" said Scott, "it viii consist ID
Angelina sitting by the side of that ole
door in q rocker, talking about the free
dom from conventional restraint there Il
in the country"
Good heavensl' I said, "you dom
suppose, gentlemen, that Angeline coulS
be-that l would permit-that she can
why, q woman cannot understand prac
teal joker
But they insisted upon it. Scott SAID
they could have rafting dinner read,
down ct the COTTAGE. and when Tia Ss1.