The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-04-06
WIT AND HUMOR.


GA. d. F."-You are wrong. An
apiary is not place for keeping mon
keys
STURGEON says men with squeaky
boots ought not to come to church.
That's the reason so many don't.
SAYS an exchange GA bad cough
makes all men equal" Yes, that's so.
There is no aristocracy when we come to
the coughin'.
A LONDON joker remarks that it is
quite natural for newly married couples
to turn pale, for the ceremony itself
makes them wan.
A PHRENoLoGIsT says the principal
bump ON George Washington's head is
adhesiveness. He alludes to Georges
head on postage stamp.
M. QUAD, of the Detroit Free Press,
is inventing a fyingmachine, and wants
to fight duel with the editor who
knocked the "f" off of flying.
THE old mans toast cts hard work
to keep your sons in check while they're
young; it's harder to keep them IL
checks when they grow Older"
TALK about your blue-glass cure One
of our subscribers writes 81 have just
looked over file of the Bulletin for
week back. "-Philadelohia Bulletin.
THEY are trying to make law in Arkan-
sas to punish keno-players Every men,
Der of the Legislature can call up sad
reeollections in connection with the bill.
The change to the latest style of lady's
hat is readily accomplished now by
simply unshipping the hustle and trans
ferring it to the top of the wearer's head.
A New YORK ofice-holder attended
church the other Sunday, and lodged
behind seat when the minister gave
out the hymn, "Strike the resounding
Tyre"
SOME of the newspapers in the East
have discovered that monogram carriers
are no longer worn. Out this way the
reporters hunt for murders, conspiracies
and the like.
A MICHIGAN farmer abused his mother
in-law. and then asked her to lower him
down the well to recover the lost dipper.
The Coroner decided that the rope broke,
though others thought it had been cut.
OF picture of Moses in the bull
rushes, where Miss Pharaoh oeams to be
"leaving him to be drowned, .he Phila-
delphia Bulletin wants TO know "wheth-
er it is water-cuiler or a Nile-paint-
ing"
An Irishman, who fell down on the
ice, was asked why he did not wear
creepers. "Crapersi he exclaimed, as
he scratched his head significantly,
"Och, and beiabers, I've plenty o
crapers, but they're in the wrong end"
eyes, fun is fun" the old said, as he brushed
And wildly clutched his pantaloons-the portion in
"But putting crooked pins and sich in persons
Ii rather more, swow to gosh than mortal man
} can bear -
SOCIETY journals mention that bridal
trips are becoming questionable. The
wedding generally takes place at 4 o'clock
D. m. and the bridegroom spends the
balance of the afternoon figuring for
position at the dinner table as far re-
moved as possible from the seat occupied
by his mother-in-law.
THE FIRST OF APRIL.
"Oh, lovely JEANNE, blithe and sweet"
Oioth Jockey, bending to her ear,
"Yon birdie hath her nest complete;
She tells us mating time is near.
The other rogue's like me in this
r He's longing for a bridal kiss"
Omoth Jeannie. shaking back her curls;
"what though the sunshine beams above?
1t bodies warmth for birds or girls
Yon songsters laugh at Natures rules;
fear me, jock they're Aprii-foos."
: The new Secretary of the Navy, having
been informed that there were buoys be-
. longing to his department in New York
harbor, Immediately issued an orler
. commanding them to report to their
ships without delay Discipline is
discipline. /" saws the old salt, "if 1 have to
skin every boy in the navy. "-Hawk-
Eye.
"NOT If I CAN HELP IT.
We went home the way that was longest,
And the way was not very far,
But the way seemed not II all far.
At the gate we took quite long rest,
J. And said, looking up al a star
Said to Mattie-but not TO the star
"Coud I kiss you wtho1t doing wrong-lest
Wrong doing your foSlings should mar
Your very fine feelings would mar?'
Said she: t" Not unless you're the strongest,
And know quite we1 that you are"
She added: tim that you are."
ONE day Bill had company to dine
with him and his wife, wishing Will
= lam to appear well, quietly admonished
= = him TO be careful what he said. All
? went well till Bill got his potatoes well
!, mashed, when he said ODDLY, parse
J the grease!' "Why, William, said his
! wife, "you should call it gravy"
: "Wall, "says Bill, 81 guess if / got it
= ON your table-cloth il would be grease. "
}, DIR. MARY WALKER got up the other
:, morning in thoughtful, dreamy mood,
o hermind dwelling on "reminiscences of the
If happy by-gone days, and in an absent
n manner she tried to put her pantaloons
T. on over her head, and she worked herself
lie into fit Of passion and vexation before
g she recovered herself and saw what the
{. matter was Then she sat down ON tn,
er side of the bed with the legs OF thos,
r. navy-blue breeches dangling around he
j. fair neck and cried like woman for hal
an hour.