The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1877-04-20
WHAT THE WITS SAY.
The Cincinnati Commercial man says
"Africa produces the most undressed black
kids.''

handy. O. Republican,.
Why is it that man with his legs of
will always ask for aims when he needs
legs the most ?-Hartford Clarion.
Five members of the Cabinet are Free
Masons, and Schurz has often been con-
sidered an odd fellow.-Lo.ceU Courier.
George Elliot says that ''there are mo-
ments when the human heart must revolt
or break" 1t is a sort of moYe-out-or-
bust feeling.-N o. Republican.
Shakespeare believed there was a divinity
in odd numbers. He probably never
bought pair of boots that were not
nlates.-Iurner's Falls Reporter.
The Herald P. I. man says that when
''Shellabarger gapes he looks like Emily
Soldene." Is it because his mouth appears
to have an absence of close about it p
Bridgeport Standard.
When Vermont editor gets up and re-
| fers to Wisconsin man as Wisconsiner,
the latter simply telegraphs back that he
wants nothing more to do with Vermont
strosity.-C Chicago Journal.
The foot and mouth disease has ap.
peared in England. Isn't this the disorder
| that afi1cts people who never open their
mouth without putting their foot i'm it p
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Nine. Essipof wrote in the album of a
Chicago musician, "Chicago is not good. "
Good Who ever said it was? Neither is
whiskey good (very), but we'd like to see
| you run this country without it.--Bwr-
Iington Haaokeys.
Scene-Recitation room in natural his
tory. Instructor. ssMr. X, have you ever
| put your head down on any ones breast
and listens to the heart-beats, as Huxley
describes them?' Mr.. x, (blushing) !:
eyes, sir."-Ex.
The telephone will be the death of the
present telegraph lines-that is all the
wires will have to be buried under ground,
or wicked girls will climb the poles and
hear what the boys are talking about in the
great offiees.-Dan5ury Neos.
A state of Misunderstanding Neaos.
A state of suffering-Ill.- Washington
Nation. A fatherly state-Pa.-Norrts-
toaon Herald. A girlish state-Miss.-
| Philadelphia Bulletin. The state of politi-
cal exclamatiop-Q IN. Y. Herald.
''Did you ever see ''Gates Ajar P" she
yaningly asked her beau late Sunday
night. ''No," he politely replied, "but
I've seen "Pull down the Blinds" And
she snappishly remarked, 'tNot tonight
you hain't." He soon saw the front gate
| ajar.-Lsweu Journal.
The Boston Tragcgler gives up the at
tempt to envolve a pun on "phylloxera. -
We don't know what the word means, but
it might very properly refer to the time
| when the Western stock-raisers begin to
fatten their cattle for the market-the fill
OK era you know Worcester Press.
An ex-Arctic explorer communicated
night, clad in one short garment only, and
backed up against frost-bitten lamppost.
He awoke with the belief that he had dis
covered the North Pole about two hundred
degrees further north than DR.. Kane ever
dreamed of.-Norristoson He:ald.
Says Stanley: 'Old Rambusier disputed
our passage through his kingdom. He de-
manded, as the price of passage through
his territory, four thousand casks of wine
| and hundred white wives. was obliged
| to parley with the old fellow, and after six
| days of incessant palaver reduced his de-
mands to pint Of gin and woIn-out
| razor"
| An eccentric man in the oil regions tied
hose-shoe to the end of coil of wire and
dropped it in burned-out well, On ap-
| plying the telephone ear trumpet he could
hear flames roaring like the waves of a dis
| tant ocean but when he heard some one
| pitching red-hot pennies with deceased
| gentleman to see who should control the
Erie Railway next season, the oil man let
60 the trumpet and ran for his life.-sNoss
Agates,
| A writer In Scri6ner las an article on the
subject, "How to keep the boys on the
farm" He evidently means well, but he
doesn't touch the point. To keep boys on
| the farm, the farm should be well paved,
and lighted with gas, and have band
| stand, and billiard tables, and its own ban
and race course. We hope our farmers are
just as anxious as they appear to keep theil
boys on the farm, but they don't seem te
take any definite action.-Danbury Meas
| Now there is another man who thinks he
/ knows how to make hens lay, and he com-
municates the process to one of the agli
cultural papers. 1t is in the food, o.
| course. That's what all these idiots say
When will the true nobility of a hen bt
understood? Hens are not machines
They are reasoning, thinking beings. /
there is one sight more Impressive than an
other it is hen thinking. If you want tt
make hen lay get on her best side. Worl
on her feelings. This can be done by study
ing her nature, and learning her tastes
this accomplished, 60 to work to show he
that you are her friend, and not grinding
| grasping leech with no higher ambition
than worming eggs out of her. When I
hen secs that you love her and respect her
that you are truly her friend, that you arr
in active sympathy with her reachings ou
| Cor tho ;ndafinahla in nafure she will ing
turn her toes in, tighten her jaws, and fair
ly fill the entire atmosphere with eggs
You can't lay for hen with food tricks. A
hen despises concealment. - Qansarl
News,
Relics Restored by Storms.