The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1877-03-22
BRIGGS MENT.
BY EBEN E. REXFORD.

1t is being limited ebeut town that
Briggs abuses his wife, and is inaking
that estimable woman's life burden to
her by his shameful conduct Now, this
is not so. The report originated in a
little misunderstanding of a scene that
occurred at the house of Mr.. Briggs not
long since, and, as Mr.. B. is one of our
most estimable citizens, ] deem it my
duty to explain, and thus put an end to
the shocEiiig fef.~t- now in circulation
regarding his behavior.
Two weeks ago last Sunday, Mr..
Briggs remarked to Mrs. Briggs, &c that
it was now spring, and he guessed he'd
take a good wash everybody ought to !;
it didn't matter so much in the winter
season, but the health demanded it in
spring"
AS the thermometer was down to zero,
ard the only Indications of spring were
the cheerful preparations Mr.. d: was
making with view to performing his
ablutions, Mrs. B. remarked, tersely,
that " see wouldn't be a fool if she could
| help it, To which remark Mr.. B.
tenderly responded that " she wasn't to
blame for what she coiiidr1't help; and no
one held her accountable for being what
she was," and kept right on dishing out
bet water into the washtub, which, when
he had got all the watef ii i. be theught
requisite for his proposed "good wash, :"
he carried into the kitchen. Now, Mr..
BIS kitchen is long and narrow, and the
door opens into the sitting room in such
= way that there is only a small corner
which is screened from The observation
of anyone in the sitting-room when the
door is open. He put his tub in this
corner and divested himself of his APP
parel, which he threw into the farther
coinef. He had previously got his clean
clothes out ready for use and hung item
on chair standing just inside the kitchen
and beyond the door from his corner.
He got into the tub and splashed around
gloriously. There wasn't any fire in the
kitchen stove, but the water was so warm
that he enjoyed the bath hugely; he had
got almost through when he heard some
one knock, aiid Mfs. p. vent to the door
and admitted visitor. A cold chill,
which might have been occasioned by the
weather, or by fear of what was coming,
ran over Mr.. BIS manly frame when he
heard Mrs. B. give the visitor, who WAS a
lady, seat Ill the very corner of the sit
ting-room which commanded the be st
view of the interior of the kitchen.
Briggs knew that he had only to stretch
his neck a little to be able to see the
lady, but he didti't feel Just like doing so
in his present costume, and so he
shrank back like a DiOgenes into his
tub, and waited for the caller to do her
errand and take her departure. He was
just putting up mental prayer that she
wouldn't stay more that five minutes,
when he heard Mrs. B. urging her to
take off her things and stay spell -
and then he knew from the sounds that
she was doing so. A cold sweat started
on Mr.. B. How was he to get his
clothes2 He was beginning to get cold,
and his attire WASN'T thick enough to
withstand ten degrees below zero in
deed, it was too thin. He knew Mrs.
B. wouldn't think to come to his rescue
So he waited for Providence to send re
lief Five minutes went by. He was
cold. Ten passed He was re1.y cold.
Fifteen vanished, and his teeth chartered
SO that he was afraid they would shake
themselves out of his head. And those
two women chartered, too. They ratified
away, as if there was no such thing as a
freezing man close by. He felt an awful
sensation of iciness in his spine, and be-
gan to get desperate. He looked wildly
about, and saw no chance of escape.
''Drat that woman !" he exclaimed,
soto vOce, 81 wish fools WANT such
cussed fools. [ s'pose she'd stay six
months if she knew I was in this fix.
I'm goin' to call Arvilla. [ aCOn't freeze
to death in my own house. 'Arvilla! -
in an awfully sepulchral tone.
But Mrs B. kept right on talking, as
if she didn't hear him.
"ArUiUa Jane!" in a tone that was
not cloud, but deep" next proceeded
from the suffering Mr.. B. IS blue lips.
Goodness what was that?" asked
Mrs. B. s visitor
ooh, that was rats" answered Mrs.
B., with the greatest unconcern, and
then branched off ON the subject of spring
bonnets.
"Drat that woman % exclaimed Mr..
B., beginning to " smell mice" car
Villas mad She's huffy cause / SAID
what I did about being fool, an she's
trying to come it smart over me. ArUillo
lane Briggs" in tone that was like
concentrated thunder
81 declare y exclaimed Mrs. B. g Wis
itor, with jump that brought her gar
ments into the range of Mr.. B. S vision
and made him crowd back closer into his
corner. "Who's swearin' round here
so?"
81 guess it was Mr.. Briggs talking tt
the cat," answered Mrs. B., serenely
care you goin' to make soap this spring
Miss Green? %
You bet Briggs was mad. He made
up his mind he'd get out of his dilemma
without any assistance from Mrs B., how
ever, and so he grabbed the broom, which
stood in the corner, and commenced
Fishing" for his garments, shaking al