The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-08-02
PASSING SMILES.

| ~Ae0bO~-'N ~ '1<hLl<Istos
THE tattooed man is a marked char
acter.
NEVER make a promise when the power
OF performing that promise depends on
another.
WHAT color is small boys face apt to
turn when he goes to the dentists? A
loud yeller.
I PoRTCHEsTER Journal: When the birds
soar they warble; but when a throat's
sore it doesn't.
CAMDEN Post: Philosophy is good
thing. Philosophy gives a man cheek
enough to pay one cent for newspaper
and five cents for poor cigar.
Puck: "Good day, Moses. Vy-s'help
me! nay tear, how you vas shainged.
Wouldn't nefer ha eff known youp' "But
my name is not Moses, sir" "Kreat
hefens, who would think it-your name
shainged too?"
q" APOLOGIZE for saying YOU could not
open your mouth without putting YOUR
foot in it," said the editor, sternlv re-
garding the horsewhip she held over his
head. | solemnly assure you that when
l said it had no idea of the size of your
foot"
New YORK Weekly: A distinguished
Japanese traveller in this country writes
home: "The chief branch of education
of young men here is rowing. The peo-
pie have large lighthouses called col
leges,' and the principal of these are Yale
and Harvard"
SIR THOMAS CAT.
How doth the busy Tomas cat
Improve the midnight houri
Ensconced upon the roof he yawps
With all his feline power.
And now another Thomas cat
Encouraged by the sound,
Sends up challenge to his foe
10 meet him on the ground.
And still another and fourth,
Convene to scratch and bite
While fretted mortals toss and moan
Throughout the dismal night.
What boots it though a boot be thrown
Aye marry, or the jack?
They scamper off, but, in an hour,
Come smiling yawping back
81 Louis Journal
Mrs. LIvERMoRE will lecture next
season on "The Coming Man" Last
year it was What Shall we Do with
Our Daughters?' and we presume the
present lecture is somehow to be made a
sequel of the former.
SENATOR BAYARD tells that the VEN
cradle John Adams once said to Daniel
Webster, who had inquired after his
health, " | inhabit a frail, weak tene-
ment, in decay; battered by the winds,
and broken in upon by storms, and from
all can learn the landlord does not in
tend to repair
DANBURY Nears: DIR. Schlieman
sold groceries for twenty years, and
thinks that had he not been grocer he
could not have succeeded in his discov-
cries. This is undoubtedly true Put
ting five pints of molasses in two-quart
pail developes mans ingenuity in the
highest degree.
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin: You go down
to the seaside and engage bed and board
at one of the hotels After an uncom-
Portable nights rest you rise in the morn
ing with a face looking like planked
shad and an inward conviction that the
bed was all right, but most of the board
was stuffed in the pillow.
A NEBRASKA journal invitingly says:
Who says farmers cannot get rich in
this State? Fifteen years ago a young
man came to this State without dollar
in the world Last week he went out of
the State, carrying with him the sum of
one dollar and thirty-eight cents, the saw
ings of fifteen years of frugal life Come
West, young man, come West.
A NEW YORK journalist sums up the
value of newspaper articles in this
fashion: A two column article has one
reader in one hundred. A column and
half one reader in seventy-five. A col
umn article, one reader in fifty. A three
quarter column article, one reader in
twenty-five. A half column, one reader
in ten. A quarter column article is read
by every one.
THE Reading Eagle is in distress. Its
Mondays issue contained the following:
Not lodger weak and weary, or a
drunkard bleak and beery, not a tramp
or vagrant dreary, had couch upon the
floor, for the station house was empty,
not mortal there to tempt the long
tailed rats to play at sentry, as they often
played before. Said the turnkey, never
more.
WHAT the Philadelphia Bulletin knows
of the Cape May mosquitoes: When
big trunk was landed from an express
wagon into the entry of hotel, the nim-
BILE insects usually made for it and
crawled through the key-hole for the pur-
pose of taking notes. If the clothes within
betokened that a fat person was the
owner, the mosquitoes would stay within
and be carried up to the room.
AN amusing story is told of some Ger
man Socialists who got hold of soldier
and treated him to beer. When the man
was well primed, he was asked if, in the
event of revolution, he would fire on the
people. "Neverp answered the Pomeran-
| ian: and more "bocks" were ordered.
The question 'Whywould you not fireT'
was then asked Because | have
no rifle belong to the band" was the
reply.