The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1877-04-27
A drawn bet--Queen Elizabeth's por.


When is . candle like tombstone
When woman puts it up for her late nus
band.
A dog fight is not noble spectacle, al
though it is undoubtedly display of cur
rage.
A Chicago man wants to commit suicid,
BY telegraph, but doesn't know how to &C
complish it.
"When taken to be well shaken" as the
man said when he advertised his runaway
apprentice,
A San Francisco paper says :-aTh'
smallpox seems to be dying out in the city
and SO do the patients"
Why is an old mans farm in Texas Ike
the focus of a sun glass Because it is the
place where the sons raise meat.
"Come, get mp you've been in bed long
enough" )" as the gardener said when he was
pulling up radishes for market,
my DEAR" said lady to her husband,
"What is cotton duck?' "Oh," said he,
nonchalantly, "a kind OF canvass back"
Fluff has lost faith in blue glass, because
he says the Rusland had cargo of it on
board and it was no preventative against
stranding.
Curran was once asked by judge on
the bench, "Do you see anything ridicul-
Gus in this wig 2" Nothing but the head"
was the reply.
Liberal discount to the trade" as the
bruiser said when he chewed off only one
ear from a brother professional with whom
he was fighting.
A woman in Oshkosh ground nearly half
of shirt through q clothes wringer be-
fore discovering that her baby was in the
skirt. It was an awful strain on the
wringer.
A woman having read in poem about
a simeon that "swept the plains" is urging
her husband to get one ofthem new tangled
things for her to use in the kitchen.
A green convict wrote from Sing Sing
to his brother: "They talk Of settin' me
to pick oakum here; but I got mad and
told 'em if they did, I'd tear their oakum
all to pieces''
Somebody in Buffalo paper adyertises,
"Wanted-a young man to take care of
of horses of a religious turn of mind. y
They were doubtless very steady pair Of
horses.
"Has that jury agreed ?" asked the judge
of sheriff, whom he met ON the staira with
q bucket in his hand. eyes," replied
Patrick, "they have agreed to send ont for
half a gallon"
A politician who was . great stickler
for equality in all things, perceiving two
crows flying side by side, exclaimed, "Ay,
that is just as it should be; 7 hate to see
one crow over another"
An excellent old deacon, who, having
won fine turkey at q charity rattle, and
didn't like to tell his severe orthodox wife
how he came by it, quietly remarked, as he
handed her the turkey, that the "Shakers
gave it to him."
Landlady Ito boarder who has passed
his cup six times es).-"You are very fond
of coffee, Mr.. Smith, Mr.. Smith" Yes,
ma'am, it looks as if was, when am viii
ling to swallow SO much water tor the sake
of getting little"
She said it was very bright idea. He
said he knew a brighter one, and when she
asked him Whatit was he answered, "Your
eye, dear!" There was silence for mo-
ment then she laid her head upon the
rim of his ear and wept.
All about the eye.-What part ofthe eye
is like rainbow ?-The iris. What part
is like school-boy ?-The pupil. What
part is like the globe 2-The ball. What
part is like the top of a chest ?-The lid
What part is like the piece of q whip P
Ihe lash. what part Is like tae summit Of
the hill ?-The brow.
4 woman being counted out, the other
morning, after debate on the question,
"Who shall rise and build the FIRE ~ She
got up and split her husbands wooden leg
into kindling wood, and broiled his steak
with il. II made him so mad that he got
hold of her false teeth aud bit the dog
with them. She cried until she had fit
ofhysterics, and then tipped out his glass
eye, and climbed upon the bed-post, and
PocAHoETAs.-Ace certain clerk said, late
y, in conversation with a friend, "Poca-
hontas vas a good man noble and kind
hearted manlR "Hold on" exclaimed
the other. whose kn0wledge Of biography