, 1877-12-28
VIII and Humor.


SrufasISs says Dr. nnre prevented q
-, ea,s II hydropb1his by umply
,,-,,irr IN high frurs ABi Haitlng there
sill the dog had gous a~Ag.
SOMEBODY tried 20 excuse a liar ,o Dr
t,s,..,. saving. -Nyu must Mt believe
nor, than hall be saJs. "Ay, rrplied
the doctor. "but which haiii'
spoVrER. said 40 Old lady 10 An Irish
..u,,.v ,,1r-eF. when does the uiue
,s.io.s frsin leAvci' "Sixty minutes
mast eight. ma'am," was Mikes reply.
TuE Boston Gageffs tells of young
man who inquired at Winter street store
for pair Of "undrcssed gentlemaR's
k;ds.r OF course the female attendants
giggled'
A GOOD little boy who was kicked by
mule did not say naughty words or GO
home crying to his mother. He just tied
the mule within five feet Of beehive,
backed him round to it and let him kick
A MAN recently wrote to An official Of
the Boston, Concord and Montreal rail
road "for chance to run on the road"
He was told he could run on the road"
as much as he wished, if he would only
keep out of the way of the trains.
at is curious, doctor, that every time
smoke after dinner | have something
dazzling in my eyes. What can you do
for that?" "Eh!" said the doctor, with a
smile, "don't smoke" The patient was
nonplussed. He hadn't thought of that
CATCHING A TARTAR.-Governess "Do
you know, Ernest, that heard Of little
boy not older than you, who can read
and write well, and who has begun
Latin" Ernest "Oh, say, what a
jolly good teacher he must have!"-
Punch.
"MARTHA's Vineyards darned Yam.
kee fraud" said Western tourist, after
a brief sojourn there. "There isn't a
grape grown on the whole island, and
not soul met had ever seen Martha or
could tell me where she lived. d."-Boston
Iraueler.
JOAQUIN MILLER says of one of his
tangle-haired heroines that she "swept
the lonesome sea-" 1t would have been
more to her credit to have been at home
sweeping the lonesome kitchen or help.
ing her poor old mother wash up the
supper dishes.
"WHY," asked a teacher in the Baptist
Sunday school, ibid Solomon tell the
sluggard to go to the ant2" Because"
said thirteen-year-old boy, "he knew
his aunt would have him at the wood pile
or in the onion bed every afternoon as
soon as school was out"
WHEN a pretty young lady and her
aunt were knocked down by Broadway
stage the other day, some tiashily- dressed
men at once rushed forward and helped
them up. 1t is supposed that they were
gamblers, from the fact that they first as
sisted the young lady, and then "raised
the ante.'-NeU York Weekly.
Two Irishmen were recently looking at
people stretching rope from one house
to another for the purpose of suspending
a banner. "Sure, an what will they be
afther a-doin' at the top Of thin houses
there2" Pat asked. Faith, an it's a sub
marine telegraph they're afther putting
up, suppose" said Mike.
A POOR tailor, dunning for an old debt,
wrote as follows: "Dear JIM This little
account has been standing for seven
years, and | think it is high time it was
paid" To which Jim replied, on the
same sheet of paper, while the boy was
waiting: "Dear Sam: | don't. And may
difference of opinion never alter friend
ship"
sour own daughter never dances out
of her own set" said proud dame at
one of those nondescript entertainments
got up at the hotels of certain fashion
able watering place. as it blue set or
pink set9' some one asked; and the
good lady colored up and could make no
reply. 1t turned out that this exclusive
person was worthy mate Of dealer in
modern china.
BEFORE she could utter the "Where
haps you been till this hour of the morn
ing, anyhow2" which was trembling on
her lips, he said: "Bin t'ther miAd-read-
in; bet yer seven dollars l can read yer
mind this very minnit." swell, you old
fool, what am thinking nowl" she said,
in a. tone of sadness. "Thinkin' of Why,
can read yer mind like ther open pages
of Ter book; yer thinkin' I'm drunker'n a
billed owl, but yer never was worse fooled
in yer life." She only said that there
must be something in mind-reading after
all, for he had hit the nail rights square on
the head.
How He STARTED HER.--A whoop-
bang sort of a boy, with feet as broad
and fiat as q pie-tin, trotted through the
Central Market yesterday till he reached
a stall kept by single woman about
thirty years old. Haltingthere he yelled
out:
"Say sayl Your little boy has been
run over and killed, up by the City
Hallr
ooh oh! Heavens-ohl OIL" she
anraa,naI aa oh ,na5a diva nn6nr tha