The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-10-18
out by the men who writ their ortobiog.

| NOlhCl oOOlO Wv pllS w bSiShSN
hes, he'd to stay in the backyard. Great
pains hev been taken to tell us all about
| the boyhood ov Washin'ton We all
know-as well as we know how much
change we hev in our pockets at this
minit-that he never told lie! But
we don't know anything ov the sort
about Cooper Nickus, an we don't even
hev the consolation ov knowin' thet he
ever saw hatchet. know speak the
full sentiments ov the Club when l say
that if Harper Brothers would bring out
the book we want every member would
anonymusly take copy-on subscrip-
ton, at club rates. What a treat it
would be to me to hev sech a book to
read on days when the baseball news in
the papers was light, an how much
more interestin' my discourse would be
to you tonight if ! could tell you all
about the school days of little Cooper;
ov the didos he cut when the
teachers back was turned, and
how he got away with Gally Leho's
pumpkin pie at recess, an mos likely
cooked it up so that Archy Medus got
thrashed for all his capers. An then if
we could foller young Nichus to col
lege, an see him in our minds eye
takin' leadin' part in HAHN Diho
Geeniss, or helpin' to NOW way hay in
the chapel at E-fee-zee-us, it would do
us pile o good, an when we come to
review his after life-the days ov his
second manhood-long after the wild oats
period-when he struck his onpar' 'leled
diskivery, an never SO much as tried to
take out patent on it or git pile ov
free advertisin', an then go to lecturin'
at hundred dollars a night-when we
struck this part ov his record, say, men
en- brethren, we could say with Siezer,
Nigh hill guode, tea to git; no, morn of it ?
"Yit, my fren's, none ov us is perfect
we all hev our failin's an weak spots,
an don't s'pose there hes ever yit been
HelPs Pint that some nervy Leander
didn't come along an swim her. l re-
gret to say-more'n l ever hated to do
anything in my life-that this i'm
mackerel man also he'd his short comin's
as well as the rest ov us. On the bright
skutchil ov his fame stan's out, with as
much distincterness as a cockroach in
the butter, one little speck ov midnight
blackness that mars the picter, though
the frame be solid twenty-seven karrit
gold. l refer to his lack ov grit. Why
didn't he hev the sand to STAN up in the
face of the hull world an back his opin-
ions to the extent ov his pile? When
they nailed him an sent him to the
workhouse on account ov his diskiver-
les, why, l say, didn't he stan by 'em
till the umpire he'd give him judgment?
He was the only man who he'd ever dis
kivered anything ov the kind, an he
ought to hev been proud ov it, an stood
by his guns, instid ov takin' backwater
in the shameful manner that he did.
This matter hes caused me pile ov
trouble, an mighty site ov solid
thinkin' in tryin' to hit on some ex-
tinguishin' tetermony that would make
his conduct go down with a man who
never goes back on his opinions. My
faith in him, however, hes been sound
all the way through. l hev never tried
to hedge on that pint, an / believe the
day will come when we shell find that
the stain on his record will be wiped
defiantly away an made to shine like
dollar-store. teapot. 1t will be explained
an settled satisfactorily when the re-
turns all get in. 1t will Gather turn out
to be base cunard got up by Harris
Tottle or Dine Ishus for political capital,
or else some confounded interviewin'
reporter hes misrepresented him as
usual. If Robinson County whisky he'd
been contemperancely with our illus
ferrous pattern saint l could clear it all
up to my satersfaction on the hypothe-
cary thet the good old man he'd been in
dulgin' leetle too free on election day.
Or, ag'in. it may hev been in house
cleanin' time, which is enough to make
the best ov us trifle onstiddy in our
heads. But, my frens, even should it
pan out to be as represented, we must
sustain ourselves by the thought thet
not even the great king ov day is COM
pletely exempt from blemish. The
bright dish ov the sun itself hes many
spots, uninvisible to the naked eye ov
mortal man by the great devulgense ov
the surroundin' glory. We hev very
much to rejoice in, an considerable to be
proud ov-Cooper Nickus discounts
the sun. Only one small spot mars his
fame, but the glory ov all else outshines
it, an only those who apply the smoked
glass ov diligent research ever stumble
on it. Let us adjourn to Sam. Higley's
an take a silent glass ov beer to his
memory, at the expense of the club"
l