, 1877-02-18

So.-Wcst Sixty fifth street. /:
E1crv Lady Her Own HeemeFist-
10 More Husbands Secrets:
Full Coursc-Tcn Lessons.
aTerm May Commence at Any Time. !:
: Prices Reasonable. :
st,,ct hv til E singular nature Of this adver-
s..r,crt. q Urorld reporter called on the Pro-
t.<,r tn ASCERTAIN the character OF his business
I'D It's extent.
4us dear SIR, said the Professor, u can
.z,,. n your indiscretion. You are married?
N Then you do not know, but can readily
;n,pine. that there are many things which
,~,denr husband does not desire to confidc to
h.xite, Woman, As the opponents Of female
..f,sce sav, is too high, too holy thing to be
a,rred down into the mire Of everyday life
1 t-ne man viii exalt his wife upon pedestal,
,,3 tell ingenious lies to her about most things;
,,d these things arc the very ones she Is dying
!, lecru OF. Next to maternal lore, and
,.rror Of thundcr-storms aud micc, the
,,s;nrt Of curiosity is the strongest di-
rme]y implautcu in the female bosom. Now, .
I,ir cot.es to me, and in lew lessons !
make her ane1pert meslncE1st, 1st,-malntalnne, OF
nturxe. The stricte5t secrecy, since popular az
rr,ntauce with her occult powers would proba-
Iy detract from her matrimonial value. wen:
shc U1arries, aud some t1ay or other her husband
rones home with an alien hair Oh his coat
shouldcr, or handkerchief in his pocket scent
ri a2d marked sClara,'-c}carly not his own,
o.. ',en. restless in his sleer breathes with in
tfa.lc tenderness the name Eliza hers being
Matilda; or, having an important en@aeemcnt
Il .Ae Office or store with a country customer
NJ his advocate, he goes downtown en- gTanue
terae and returns at q. m. with some theatre
eaerks in bis pocket; or, an cmergcnt meet1ns
Of his lodge or cunsistory having unexpectedly
been calicd, he makes LIS way home a. what tne
ta1!y hour with chalk over his shirt-sieeves,
snoih1 mans hat, and an impcdiment in his
spech. Let us suppose any one OF these cases. HIS
Efewaits till he Is asleep, makes lew nlcsmeric
passes, takes possession OF his will, ana, Wlthout
his knowledge or consent, obtains from him the
couplee recital Of bis occupations, pians senii IT,
nents. Why, sir, it is the great idea OF thc
are have reams upon reams Of testimonials.
0oc LADY writes me:
Ihsye tiled your patent rnesmer1c process, ana It
works like 4 charm. / am the happlest and most
miserable If women. l know all about my husoana
nov. aud to think that a.! along he pretended aud
lheleved-. I found out whu julia was. MY
hFyes thinks we have Il good case
And here Is q testimonial from another, one
d New York's fairest daughters:
DEAR PRoYEssoE: l cin neEer euttciently ex-
psess my thanks TO you. How wonderful IRE the
RofAE G1 lAtuFEs IE0GAGA kAC ioA5t.o @-@* -
ace sort Of lodge it s-and met his friend from
The country, and l friended-lronl- the -countr'eu
her. always knew her hSir WAS falte. and II al
cane of at the first passage IN our interview.
r. e'sz 'ssfpt the 'ns''ssa ~ 'ss''"''' ~ D'
L. s-Of cource could not resist making my
tinnph complete, and telling my husband how
had been enabled to detect his ucechery- ne has
rll eeck deaalier revenge, and endeaEor 10 learn
iron sou how to nlc-mcrize me! OF course this
would do him no good, for have nothing would
Tot say to his face, OF, for that matter, - h,s
back; but still would prefer that you shouldn't
kt him know how.
"Yes, sir,'' cotinued the Professor, with par
donable pride, ''sincc my beuehctnt idea mas
been generally adopted the divorce business mas
brisked up; half the husbands and wives up
town maintain position Of armed neutrality
toward each other, and there have been moro
marriages and friendships broken OIL than l
could count In week expect every day 10
set shooting ARRAY or horrible husband-mur-
der On Murray Hill, and il / only have the luck
to be called as a witness, and can ring IN IN my
testimony puff of my system aud buslness'
Fhy, it Il make my fortune"
SEEKING A TEACHER FOR LINDA.
Detroit Ff<e Press.
She WAS at one OF the union school-louses
for an hour before school opened She had
Linda with her. She was tall woman, 10 years
Old, with a jaw showing great determination,
md Linda was 16, aud rather shy, and pretty
good looking. The mother said she hadn't
been III the tity long, and that it was her duty
to get Linda into school, and see that she was
properly educated. When the teacher came
the mother boldly inquired: "You know how
to teach, do yon!'' II think do" replied the
teacher, blushinc deeply "And you feel com.
petent .s to govern the scholars, do 59um
niesm." ado you pound :cm with ferule or
LICK 'sn with whip''' ',Wc seldom resort 10 70
punishment herc,'' replied tue embarrassed
teacher. "T1at's better yet,'' continued the
mother; II know that If Linda should come
home Ill pounded up Id feel like killing some
ene suppose YOU are OF respectable Guar
acter, amt yours Why-ahcm-why ny"
ssatame5ed st., the teacher growing white and then
woman; ITS wcll enough to Kaow who our
children are associating with. Nov, then, 40
you allow the boys and girls TO sit toccthcre.
No, ma'am.'' "That's right. They ncvcr
q5eo to when was young. and don't think
!lnoa Is any better than am. Another thing;
eae'.d ep yGn sow 'k any win1g Any IA %ndI aIow
: r6oy to wink at girls" asked the woman.
Why, mol" ~ was afraid you did. Linda IS
Is Shy rs bird, xnd if she should come nome
= sone 1 night and tell me she bad been winkcd 81
aont know what Id do. Now, another tnlng
do - yoa have beaus'' ''Why-Nhy-" was
tae stammercd reply. II think you do! re-
suned the woman severely. II know just how
works: When you should be explaining what
N N archipelago i you arc thinking OF your
KESshard, ~ and your mind is way, way OIL"
but, madam-'' "Ncver mind any cxplana-
uons," interrupted the woman. ~ want Lin
"a "a brought up to know joggerfy, figures, writ
ms and spell0graphy, and Il you've got eeau
aao are epooking to the theatre one night, .
ca1dy-pull the next, hnrse-race the next, and
60 on, your mind ran't be Gu education. Come.
Linda, we'll 60 to some other school-house-"
4 HORRIFIED GENTLEMAN.
sennie June in TIE baltimore Ame77c1n.
4he "no-sleeycs'' mania has created quite
GQt4Untf0n n sorra xtr..IaG md il fast cuu6Qlt-