The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-03-08
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
HONESTY is not an insurance policy.
DON'T get "short" if you want to get
along.
The blue glass cure may be regarded as
azure cure.
A VERMoNTER, who has had 1874 fits,
is living proof of the survival of the
fittest.
LOVE may he pure and holy passion,
but still there is good deal of Cupidity
about it..
FEWER people will dye than usual
this spring, as gray is to he the fashion
able color.-Boston Commerci u Bulletin.
THE people have been so absorbed in
politics that the usual number of hunters
lies have not been told or published this
winter.
THE San Francisco police are deter
mined to suppress gambling if they have
to arrest every person in the city.
"AH, parson, wish l could carry my
gold with me-" said a dying man to his
pastor. 1t might melt," was the con-
selling answer.
The New York Graphic sees that heavy
lawyers fees are stranding people every
where, and warns the citizen ship against
its most dangerous Bar.
A MAN in big ulster, with heavy
muffier around his neck, had the tips of
his ears frozen yesterday morning while
looking at his horse being clipped.-Nor-
ristomn (Pa.) Herald.
WOMEN are so handy in case of fire.
One in Hartford, recently, threw plate
of raw liver out of the window to save it,
and then ran for her life, leaving all her
clothes and valuables behind.
THE grasshoppers are down on the
ground hog for encouraging them to hatcl,
out, by holding out the promise of good
weather. The farmer, on the other hand,
feels that the grounding is one of his
most bosom friends.
STATISTICS go to show that man may
gamble as profession, right along for
ten years, when it will be found that, be
side making a thief of him and putting
him on the road to the Pcnitentiary, he
will have earned less money than any
quiet-working mechanic.
A LITTLE four-year-old boy who had
been taught his letters at home and felt
his importance, on going to school was
called up by the teacher. who asked
"Can you read my boyy'' The little fcl.
low stood amazed for Il moment ut tho in-
pertinence of the question, and then ex-
claimed: Haint you got checkr'-
Exchange.
EDWARD EVERETT HALE's patent FOR
getting rid of tramps is ingenious. He
proposes that some fine morning the Off.
GERS of every city and town in Massachu-
sets shall swoop down and capture every
vagrant that can bc found. But the inge-
NOUS and philanthropic gentleman doesn't
tell what is to he done with the 1000
tramps when they are scooped up.
A BOY came down Spruce street ON the
rush few nights since, and, in an excited
manner, said that there were a lot Of lights
in the Jewish burial ground. Half a dozen
scientific men, four loafcrs and dog
started of to sec them. The graveyard
was as dark as such places usually arc.
"Whcre are the lights =" askcda big man
of the boy. The youngstcr backed off to
u safe distance and yelled out: Z" Under
the ground, they are Israclitcs!" He then
ran for his life.-St. Louis Journal.
ABOUT midwintcr city editors throw oul
valuable hints and suggestions to farmers
something after this fashion: "Now
is the time to paint your pcabrush and
perform other indoor work. Whitewasll
your snow -shovels now. Now look after
your next seasons bean poles, and trim
off all superfluous sprouts. Oil you,
garden rakes before spring sets in. Bury
your grindstone in the cellar to prevent its
freezing" etc Farmers can save more
than fifty dollars by not following this
advice.
WHEN was q boy of eight years l at.
tended the grammar-school in s., and
fell desperately in love with little black.
eyed, red checked damsel of nine. The
course of true love did not run smooth.
was jealous of big squint-eyed fellow
with whom she would always slide down
hill, while went alone. At last, in my
frenzy, wrote startling letter to the lit
tie flirt, declaring my passion, and asking
her which she intended to marry The
answer soon came, saying that she loved
me the best but the other fellow gave hel
the most candy! gave up the CONTEST
Harpers' Magazine.
A CORRESPONDENT of the Boston Id
uertiser tells the following story: A
P, forty-five or fifty years ago q
farmer of Westford, Mass, was noted by
all who knew him for the slow, deliberate
manner of his speech, the more than
Chesterfeldian courtesy of his address to
all persons on the most ordinary business
occasions, and his excessive care of the
pennies. He often visited Lowell, and
was we'll known by the traders there. On
one occasion, calling at the grocer's, "Say,
Mr.. Jones" he said, in his usual extremely
polite style, "Mr. Jones, have you any
very nice Maccaboy snuff ?" Eyes, first.
rate" sand have you any very nice
rappee snuff ~ Eyes, the best
"What do you ask per pound for them .
Mr.. Jones named his prices. "Well,
will take cents worth, half of each kind,
put up in separate papers, for sample, fol
my aunt"
An old farmer and his wife came into
the city on Woodward avenue yesterday,
having large dry goods box nailed on top
of sled and provided with comfortable
seat. Near Bagg street about a dozen
boys made for the sled, and, as the good
natured old man didn't seem to care, the
sled was soon weighted down. The boys
at the back end were weighty enough to
break the nails, and down came the box
and off went the sled and horse. As the
box was drawn off it upset, and the old
people were completely covered up
Amidst heaps of fun they were released
and another gang of boys caught thu
horse, no great damage having been done
When the old man had helped his wife
up and shaken the snow off, he remarked
| to the boys: Boys, don't never do thi:
| again. like to sec you have fun, but my
| wife il q little nervous, and she take:
! trouble to her heart purity easy. Git nit
two spikes and stone, and then hunt fcl
| nv plug tobacco. "--DeesVit Etvs Press.