Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-07-12
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Walking dress skirts clear the ground
in Paris.
Most men love little women, and little
women love most men.
Silver scarf-pins of simple design are
the caprice Of the moment.
The stylish little girl wears Japan
ese straw hat with fiat crown and narrow
brim. = e a
Last year Chicago was at the head of
the world in base ball. This year she
tells a sadder tale.
"a man can choose his friends, but
not his relatives is the translation of an
old French proverb.
The missionaries are trying to estab-
lish college in China, and are looking
for some China Astor to endow IT.
1t is chalking the ends Of billiard
cues that is sapping the energies OF the
young men of this generation. eloGrk
CAL.
Why is the Bank of France like the
Mohammedan religion? Because it's
something to which you and don't owe
assent.
Sturdy old DR.. johnson said it was a
deal better for woman to paint her own
face than to, blacken another woman s
character.
An exchange says, "New York has
temperance revival on foot" All? Cold
water foot bath, we reckOn.-BuTli7lgt0
RGWk-Eye.
"A reward of SO will be paid to any
man on earth who can cite a case wherein
the cool and fragrant cucumbers ever pro-
duced case of colic.-Detr0tt Free Press.
"A politician who was a great stickleT
for equality in all things, perceiving two
crows flying side by side, exclaimed, cay,
that is just as it should be; l hate to see
one crow over another"
The green peach wakes up and
scratches its head, turns over, ripest side
out, and gets down off the tree to stand
sweetly and innocently in the path of the
little boy whom the gods love.
An Irishman, who had Just landed,
said: 1.-THE first bit Of mate l ever ate in
this country was a roasted potato, boiled
yesterday; an if ye don't believe me, I
can show it to ye, for have it in me pock-
et."
"A philosopher says: "It is a mistake
to look in the face for signs of feeling
the real seat of sensation is within" We
believe you, my boy; especially if the in
dividual has been eating green currant pie.
-EGStO71 FTee PTeSS.
A definition of the meaning of the
word '-suspicion" was given the other
evening in a Partisan drawing room. at
is sentiment" said the speaker, (which
incites us to search for something which
we do not wish to find"
Look not upon the cucumber when il
is wilted; when the grocery man showeth
it Alright. 1t biteth like a serpent and
stingeth like bumble-bee. Yea, it is full
of stOmach-ache, and its ways are the
ways of cholera morbus.-R0me IN. r.
Sentinel.
The latest yellow fashion is that OF
stepping straw bonnets in chemical bath
that gives them the appearance old gold.
The past generation bleached straw bon
nets in sulphur in order to take away their
yellow look. Thus the whirigig of fash
ion brings about its reverses.
x confdes secret to friend, who
hastens to repeat it. Meeting him the
next day, X. says to him pointedly:
What would you think of the man who
divulged a secret intrusted to him ?''
"Think? Why I should think that he had
only initiated the other man."
=" My dear,'' said an affectionate wife
to her husband, as she looked out of the
window, edo you notice how green and
beautiful the grass looks on the neighbor-
nghills?' WELL" was the unpoetic re-
sponse, "what other color would you
have it at this time of the year?"
Wong Chin Foo, the Buddhist mis-
sionary to the benighted Gothamites, says
that when Cinnamon meet, instead of
| squeezing each others hand, each
squeezes his own. Courteous individuals
who have been crippled for life by some
muscular and enthusiastic acquaintance
should interest themselves in securing the
introduction here of the Chinese custom.
A patron of a certain newspaper once
said to the publisher: Mr.. Printer,
how is it you never call On me for pay for
your paper?'' "Ohn said the man OF
! types, eve never ask a gentleman fol
money" "Indeed!" replied the patron
" How do you manage to get along when
they don't pay?" Why" said the
| he is not gentleman; and we ask him.
A matter-of-fact sailor, on a vessel
| lying at San Francisco, seeing a man
| climbing up the rail, so as to jump off and
| drown himself, seized the melancholy
person and dragged him back, with the
| following explanation: I" | want you fel.
ltIS W uuuClSIdutl bll1G IlllS CI0 tlllup Is
| played out. We can't stop to fool around
| to pick up every ninny who jumps over
| board; and if you want to do this bust
ness, just go down to one of the wharves. u
The Jersey locust has made mistake,
if rumor can be credited, in dropping
| down into such close proximity to the En-
glish sparrows. That voracious bird cares
no more for red-eyed seventeen-yeal
locust than for any other destroyer OF
vegetation. On the contrary be has a
habit, which the locust will probably find
very disgusting, of seizing the latter, pull.
| ing off his wings so that he cannot fly, and
devouring the body at his leisure.-De
troit Free Press.
-" don't cost you much, little hubby
| do | 90 asked she, tenderly patting his
chin. "Please, say l don't,'' continued
she, winsomely laying her little cheek
against his. oval, aw-a-of course you
don't cost me anything, darling,'' replied
he, hesitatingly, and the visions of new
silk dresses in his eye; " but" ''Bu
what?" asked she. ''Oh, nothing, moth.
! ing,'' was his hurried answer, 'Fonly
was going to say" Say what?" de.
manded the little woman. :" Why" said
he, confusedly, "why, say-say that
though you don't cost me much to speak
| of, y-your clothes do, nightly" She
| stopped patting the brute's chin.
Girl-Graduates' FrOeks.