The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-05-16
Cap and Bells.

Lots of men are now wishing that they had
stayed away from the Centennial Exhibition
and saved the money to buy strawberry with.
Ane season tast approaches when the young
man with finances to cover just two plates of
ice cream awaits breathlessly the answer to.
"Wll you have some cake?''
Such is the force of habit. 1t is said Mr..
Tilden, on arising, even new goes to the oman
window to hear if his country calls, and then,
with smothered Sigh, begins to pull his shirt
on over his head.
Marriage increases a mans modesty so that
aiter year or two he can't summon up enough
courage to kiss the woman whose lips, in the
vanishing past, were glued to his for hours on a
stretch three times week.
Rome Sentinel: A young lady in EMBARGO
street recently received the following note and
is heartbrcken: "You needn't spect me up TO
yure house no more sunda mites a CURL wat
leaves gum stickin on the parlor chairs for a
feller to set on amt no gurl for me. JIM"
The young man who wrote,
"The mornings pink baptism fell
In misty bushes on the mountain tops,''
has relinquished five-dollar clerkship in an
Illinois slaughter house to go East and chal-
lenge Joaquin Miller.
The photographer who took Lee 8 picture Just
before he was shot is reported to have remarked
| q ha yvifh tbo MI Han
them next week, Bishop, If the weather Is
fine" remarkable instance of the force of
habit.
"What can do to insure the publication of
this contribution asked Phipps, anxiously,
OF Sniggs editor. "You should apply to
the editor-in Chief" replied sniggs. "Oh,"
said Fipps, II thought must apply to one of
the underwriters
Charles, playfully-"How much, really, did
that hat cost, Jennie?' Jennie, archly-If
you really want to inspect the bills for my dry
goods, Charles, there is way to do it." And
what else could Charles do but propose on the
spot?
am willing to rock the baby while wimmen
folks are billing soap; am reddy to kut rags
to work into rag carpets; they kan keep me
hunting hens eggs, or picking green kurrants;
or will even dip HANDLES or kore apples for
sass, but won't churn.-J0Sh BiHtoqS.
1t is all very fine to laugh at a woman's tan
trums when mouse makes its appearance in
the vicinity of her skirts; but little merriment
should be reserved for the man who plays cir.
Gus while June bug is walking up the inside
Of his trousers leg with the slow and measured
step of day laborer
The high, sharp-pointed style of gentlemens
collar which prevailed last year and was known
as the "bull-dozer," from its tendency to cut
the wearer's throat and stab people in the face
when they stopped to speak to him, has given
place to round-cornered article that smoothes
the sides of a mans chin like butter-paddle,
and will be known as the conciliator.
A little girl of South Hadley Falls, who was
at Sunday school for the first time, recently,
saw the contribution box 60 around, and was
told that the pennies were to be sent to the
missionaries. Her teacher asked her If she
hadn't some pennies at home which she would
like to give. She admitted that she had PEN
nies at home, but added firmly, "Those pennies
don't 60 to the missionaries"
First Eoglander: "Hi ear that Tum-
mas Carlyle as been saying we mustn't fight
the Rooshans." Second Englander-"Well, I
don't suppose the Hempress will mind Tum-
mas A hempire were the sun never sets cawn't
be hunder the hadvice of single hlndivid-
ual" First Englander - Him with you
there. hi venture to say Tammss as never
card of the six 'undred''
Here is another illustration showing that all
women are not constituted alike: A San Fran
cisco man told his wife that he was tired of her