The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-07-21
VARIETY.

If the Turks want to revictual Ncsic, they
ought to hold picnic there
Farmer McGrab-Dochter, all give ye hum
mar pown if veil keep me livin' anither twal-
month. Amiable M.D.-Im afraid, Mr.. McGrab
1 couldn't do it for that. might try if you made
it five hnndrer Farmer McGrab COMPATIBILITY
I'D rather dee!-Judy.
The problem of personal Identification has been
solved. sleeve-button has been invented the
top of which unscrews and permits the name and
address of the owner to be placed inside. Upon
the button is stamped, 80 Where 1 live-see
inside
/" She may be very good woman" gasped
Thomson, his breath almost choked off by the
tghtness of his new shirt, while the wrists were
so loose that they seemed not to be buttoned at
all" she may be very good woman, but she
don't understand the practical application of top
egraphical engineering of a fine shirt
"Oh heavens, save my wife!' shouted man
whose wife had fallen overheard in the Hudson
river recently. They succeeded rescuing her
And her husband tenderly embraced her
saying:'' My dear, If you'd been drowned what
should L have done? l amt going to let you
carry the pOcket-book again. Cincinnati Sat-
rrddy Night.
Love may be relic of paradise, but when
man has been sitting up In a back parlor with
the light turned down till halEpast II. bis
imagination, if his footsteps reverberate through
the silent shadowed streets on his homeward way
does not revel much in though of poetry
and buds and flowers as it does in the prospect
that there are a few cold beans left iu the house
-NeTJUich Bulletin.
Domestic DIPLOaACY.-There were vigorous
inquiries at the postofce yesterday for the chief
clerk. and when the captains face appeared at
the window the inquirer asked:
" Has cross-eyed woman been here asking for
letters addressed to me?'
The captain hadn't seen her.
IS Well, she'll be here this forenoon. She's
my wife, and she's little weak in the head.
She's got the notion that get love letters from
woman in Canada, and she'll be here to ask for
my nail; I;,,, ,,
Well, don't get any such letters. of course
but you mustn't give her my mail She might get
one with draft in it, and not know its value.
Just say to her that you never knew of my recev-
ing letter here, and that You have repeatedly
heard me say that L had the best wife in town. ~
"But don't know you.
"Never mind that. In dealing with insane
woman it is best to be soft and slnck and smooth.
just shake hands with her. praise her small feet,
and tell her she ought to be proud of such hus-
band as L am."-[Detroit Free Press.
DETROIT REFoRM.-It has so happened that
certain Detroit policeman has arrested a certain
rough character named - Pious Jim" five differ
ent times, and that the fellow has been heavily
fined or sentenced to the House of Correction
came out of prison his last sentence, and hunt
ing up the officer he said:
i've made change in my life. I'm going
TO be good after this. -
The officer congratulated him on his new
departure, and promised, his moral aid to assisr
him. Jim said that he planned to get married
the next evening, and he stuck and hung until
the officer agreed TO be on hand and stand as his
right-hand man. He received directions how 70
reach the house and next evening approached it
at the hour agreed upon.
The blue-coat was picking his way through
an alley, when a frozen cabbage struck him on
the mouth. He was just getting up from that,
when dozen frozen potatoes came against him.
He started to run, thinking of the flesh shower
in Kentucky. when deluge of old oyster can
came pelting down. brick cut hole in the
back Of his head, and pail of cold water came
over the fence and drenched him to the hide
He went out of the alley on the gallop, followed
by more frozen potatoes, and. as he sat down on
a cross-walk to bind up his head the voice of
Pious Jim,, came to him through the dark
ness saying:
&c If this old shot gun hadn't missed FIRE,
you'd have seen something better than fox
hunt around here!'