Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-10-05

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Seraphina's sister janet
London Fun.
F. u n =!
RUSSIAN AND TURKISH DIscIPL1NE-
The Russo-Turkish war revives an Old sto-
rv Turkish and Russian officer once
fell into a dispute as to the superiority in
discipline of their respective soldiers.
81 can prove to you on the spot" SAID
the Russian, show perfectly our men are
trained,'' And he called his orderly.
''Ivan!"
ssSir.';
go to Mehemet's, buy me pound OF
tobacco. and come back at once"
The soldier saluted, turned on his heel
and went out,
ssNow.n said the Russian officer, taking |
out his watch, s'my orderly is walking |
straight to the next corner, where he must |
turn-now he is turning-now he IS oppo-
site the white mosqe-now he Is crossing
the maydan-now he is at Mehemets-
now he is buying the tobaceo-noW ne Is
coming back-now he is on the block De-
low us-now he is at the door-noW" ana
the Russian called out:
ssIvan!"
'sSir.''
ssWhere's the Tobacco"
ssHere sir"
The Turkish officer, showing no sign OF
surprise at the the precision OF this Russo
tobacco movement. promptly broke out
clio! Ho! my soldier can do that every
day in the week." and he called:
'sMuchtar 70
"Sir."
600 to Ali Effendi's and see that you
bring me pound of tobacco. My pipe is
empty"
"Instantly, sir"
Following the tactics Of the Russian
officer, the Turk pulled out his watch and
went on:
ssNow Muchtar is in the street-now he
is passing the Palpoach bazar-now it is
noon and he is saying his prayers-now ne
is drinking at the stone fountain-now
Ali Effendi halls him and asks about my
health-now Muchtar is paying for the to-
bacco-now he is coming back by another
way-now he is on our street-now he is
at the door--now''-
sMuchtar!" shouted the officer.
"Sir,''
s'Where is my tobacco -
ST haven't found my shoes get!
A LIFE INSURANCE COMPANY ON A
NEW AND LIBERAL PLAN.--Al persons
contemplating life insurance, should exa-
mine the prospectus of the Dead Sure Life
Insurance Company; all of whose policies
are to be null and void as specified:
If the assured kill himself.
If he lets anybody else kill him.
If he lets his breath smell of whiskey.
If he dies without the written consent
of this company.
If he is addicted to tight lacing.
If he gets tight in any way.
If he goes to sea except by rail.
If he drinks.
If he eats anything.
IF he goes to Congress without the vote
OF the company
If he handles gun powder, face powder
or baking powder.
If he runs steam engine.
If a steam engine runs him.
If he is blown up by steamboat.
If he is blown up by his wife.
If he runs for Office.
If he dies in liquor.
If he dies his hair.
If he is caught lying west of the twenty
first meridian of longitude from Washing
ton.
IT he is caught lying at all.
The proofs of death required will be:
l. Certificate from the physician who
had hand in his death.
2. A certificate from the undertaken.
3. A certificate from some responsible
resurrectionist in good standing.
4. A certificate from the deceased him
self, to the effect that he is really and truly
dead, and no ''shananigan."
Terms lower than by any other company.
Agents wanted in all parts of the coun-
try,
The largest watermelon of the season has
been brought to this office. 1t is ten feet
long and weighed three hundred and sixty
two pounds; the heart contained four hun |
dred and ninety EIGHT thousand three hun |
dred and sixty-twO seeds, and eleven thou
sand two hundred and forty-three cases OF |
cholera morbus, and tht Mississippi Bridge |
Company bought the two halves of the
rind for bridge caissons.-Ha,Dkeye.
Pack me up one or two nice books to |
read, said Mrs. Jones to her husband |
just before departing Oh a journey to the
country. Jones did SO, and the disgust |
which Mrs. J. felt cannot be described |
when she took out from the satchel to |
read on the cars Barnes Notes on Mat
thew Cicero's Tusculan Disputations,'
copy of "Liyey," with notes and a cook
b OOk.
A perirat etc quack applies to the village
Mayor to obtain permission for the public
sale of his elixir. sit can do no harm. to
the people that take it, can it p" anxlousy
inquiries the Mayor. adjusting his specta.
eles. Devil bit Nothing in it but
molassese, lieoriee and water" "That,s
right. Here's your permit"
Give the boy of the period pair of low
cut shoes and fancy stockings, large seal