The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1877-11-29
FACTS AND FANCIES.

| EVERY day Brigham Young widows
go and SIT down on his grave. Seen at
distance, it looks like beehive
NORWICH, Conn, is determined to do
its share toward retarding the growth of
small boys. 1t has made 100000 toy
pistols this year.
DEAN Swift said that the reason a
certain university was fearful place was
that most persons took some learning
there. and but few brought an away
with them, and so it accumulated.
IT is maddening, maddening, madden
ing. for woman who has been a patient,
fashionable martyr to heart-disease for
thirteen years, to learn from her physi-
clan that she is only suffering from en-
largement Of the iver.-HaJCkeye.
LANDLADY Ito a bOarder who has
passed his cup six times" You are very
fend OF coffee, Mr. Smith." Mr.. Smith
=" Yes, ma AM il looks as if 1 am when
I an willing to swallow 50 much water
for the sake of getting little"
How to tell lady" is described in
fashion exchange. But, pshaw they
can't tell people anything on that sub
| ieGt. Just take hold of her hand, slip
your arm around her waist, and tell her
in a whisper. That's the correct way.
DISTINCT sounds, produced at the rate
of twenty. three per second, become
continuous sound, and the Richmond
newspapers are looking forward to the
day when they can speak of the roar of
the Moffett bell-Punch.
WOMEN physicians of reputable stand
ing do we'll in Philadelphia, two or three
of this character having an annual in
come of from $4,000 to $4,000 from
their practice, which is chiefly confined
| to ladies and children.
A YOUNG man in Maine writes TO ask
us if we want to engage a 'puZzle
editor" No, thank you. We have a
puzzled editor, and that is sufficient.
He is puzzled to find out why in thunder
! people don't pay for their papers,
Turner'S Falls Reporter.
THE way a mob acts in one city is no
criterion for mob action in another. II
| is much like the Irishman who heard
| that the ScOtchman's horse hRd run
away. Thin, begorra, something must
| be done, an Pll go home and lick the
old woman"
AFTER one Of the operations of a ceIe-
| brated surgeon, the resident student
stood looking at the two pieces of NOR
tality lying on the surgeons table.
What are you doing, sir ?" sharply
asked the surgeon. am waiting for
you to point out which piece is to be put
to bed and which is to be buried"
The German daily newspapers are
much smarter than their American
contemporaries. Nearly every German
paper prints two continued stories, every
day giving column to each. Thus, the
| reader, kept forever upon the ragged
| edge of a wild romance, goes on taking
the paper till he observation-disclosures.
A CORRESPONDENT writes Do you
think it is wicked to smoke % Oh,
dreadfully, awfully, sinfully, wicked.
Send your cigars to this Office and let us
burn them up for you, while you swear
off and reform before it is too late. It
is already toe late for u.s. We went TO
swear off last week, but the Office was
closed, and the man had gone to picnic.
-HasOkeye.
A STORY is told of two New England
deacons between whom bitter feud had
long existed concerning tOme contested
point. Neither would yield, and the
matter threatened to be handed down to
the next generation, when one day
Deacon Smith appeared before his old
enemy and sOlemnly said, Brother
Jones, it is q shame that this quarrel of
ours should bring scandal upon the
church. / have prayed earnestly for
guidance in the matter, and have come to
the conclusion that you must give in
for / can not"
A THEOLOGICAL student, who VEN
tured out from an Ohio college, recently,
to preach in a little village near Cleve-
land, learned while there that country
men are appreciatiVe of literary art. He
preached q sermon on the mystical i'm
Of fgar
of life, mineral, vegetable and animal
Noah had three sons faith, repentance
and baptism, the three things necessary
to salvation, etc. After the service an
aged deacon approached him and said
" Really your discourse was one of the
most ingenious l ever listened to. l was
sorry that you did not carry your illus
trations in regard to that wonderful
number Just little further. Forinstance,
there are three aisies running through
this house there are three lamps in the
chandelier hanging yOndeT; three books
lie upon the pulpit; there are three ink
spots on this table and, better than all,
noticed three cOlOred men in the gal
lery."
ONE morning, tive or three days ago,
saws the Dover IDel.) Sentinel, middle
aged man with a sore thumb and look
Minis Office and softly sat down. He put
his hat on the floor, sat up very erect,
and for three straight hours hardly
moved finger. At noon as the justice
was ready to go, he asked the strange
man If he wanted anything. "Yaw," be
camly answered: "Well, what is it 90
" I WANTS to see the Shustice." d" am
the man." replied His Honor. " 1 thinks
80 all der while" said the man, as he sat
down again. Did you want to see me
on business ?" asked the puzzled official.
" Yaw." What is your business
what do you want 70 ask me 20 "I
WANTS to get married" Well, where's
the bride ?'' " / doan't know about anv
brides" "Where is the woman you de-
sire to marry ?" asked His Honor. "I
haf never seen her." was the calm reply.
" Well, how can / marry you to any
body?" dean't know" " Where is
the woman ?" exclaimed the court. The
man went away, saying /" shall get
marTiet no more till next year"