The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1877-08-24

bhO BAOdNlCAo COLllOlk II MARY
had done her duty and assisted Martha
about her work, instead of sitting self
ishly at the feet of her Teacher, don't
you think the party of the first part
would have had better chance ?"
To this we eunhesitatingly reply in the
affirmative, and proceed to open the
next envelope. The contents run in
this wise:
"My old man says there's too much
sameness in your paper. You don't
rite about big enuff veriaty of SUBJ
jecks. And he says it's becos you don't
have contributors enuff, and he thinks
other women ort to help. think so,
too, so will send you some poetry for
publication. won't charge you moth
ing for this piece, which I composed
miself, but will of course want pay if
l rite reglar.
"Gelorious egle hail
Thou art a king of birdsi
And hast a bushy tale,
And lights on flocks and herds
once red of a Iady's baby
You stole from the hart-brOken lady,"
We regret that we have not space for
the entire production, but we must give
other contributors a chance, or they'll
be offended. That "egle" oughth't to
have done so, seeing he was so "gelori-
ous"
Here's a dainty envelope, checked
and barred along the bias in the most
fantastic fashion, inscribed in the pains
taking chirography of an ambitious
schOol-boy:
"Dedr Mrs. Duni1Ody Won't you
pause one moment amid your multi
tudinous avocations to bestow a little
attention upon the aspirations of an in
quiriug sophomore, who wishes some
definite information concerning the
mathematical data from which to cal
culate the differential calculus ?"
To this transcendant nonsense, which
we'd construe into quizzing only the
dear picanniny signed his real name,
which we withhold in mercy, we can
only answer-Ah!
Here is the next one:
"Stop my paper as soon as the time
expires for which have already paid.
You are too orthodox and stilted in your
style. You live in too much fear of
Mother Grundy to keep pace with the
motto on the paper. You pretend to
believe in free Speech yet you dis
carded my article on THE Necessity of
Destroying the Marriage Relation Re-
turn the MSS. at once. I'll send it to
Moses Hull for publication in the Cru
chile"
The first part of our friends command
we can cheerfully comply with, but alas
for the vanity of human expectations,
that MSS" has vanished in smoke,
and our ambitious disorganizer must
waste another effort over the midnight
oil to reproduce his bantling.
Here is thick, pudgy envelope, with
'nine cents due" above the address.
We open it tremulously, for long expe-
rience hath taught US much apprehen-
sion. We know We'll catch it row.
The letter opens with quotation from
one of our own epistles to the Peoples
Paper of May 11th, wherein we men,
toned the fact that a man was in the
penitentiary under five years. sentence,
accused of swearing a lie, while another
fellow had been sent up for six months
for shooting and very near killing q
young lady who wouldn't marry him
We have room for only few specimen
paragraphs of the letter in question.
mo doubt, as you say, mems prop.
erty is of more value in law than many
women, yet the quality must be accord.
ing to the value. Mems property is o.
much more value to many women thar
the man would be. Very likely.-ED.
A man, nowadays, may have a face
like a gorilla, and a stinching breath
strong enough to suffocate bed-bugs
and full of vulgarity and deceit, anC
AAhC hIhhAoN1 oLu IL n6 liar
plenty of money he's all right in the
womanly esteem. Many a woman
causes the destruction of many a gooG
man, but very seldom is any woman
the restorer of lost and afflicted suf.
ferer. The silliest person in the world
can spout on platforms and write fol
newspapers and spoil name and car.
raeter, but it takes man to restore it.
And We know very well when oul
pockets are empty we are rated among
scraps. But let US have money and
anything happen, we have only to buy
the press and we are all right. People
are always ready to believe anything
wrong about US, but they forget every
thing we do that's right"
There we've given sample of the
J many mortal pages that follow. If our