, 1877-09-16
INSPIRED IUMOR.

In the whaling business since Jonah died.
/ "Vas Paul homcly!" asks writer in this
weeks Indeeasdem. Come now, this Saint a
! proper question to ask.
| Lady with cataloguee"No. s., sEyc
| Tempted" Gentleman uesirous to know the
painters namep" Who by!" Lady shocked
at bis lgnorancc) Why, by the devil, OF
course"
"1try to preach tile milk Of the word" re-
! plicd city clergyman to parishioncr who re-
monstraretl that his sermons were too long.
I "Yes," remarked the other, .'but around here
what VIC want is condensed milk"
| When the Rev. 3lr. Sauguire asserted, last
Sabbath, that it IS even possible that Brigham
Young has gone to Heaven, one OF tue deacons,
| who Is n wfdowcr, Immediately yelled: q 1 OBJ
! jcct-1'ye got wife ttere! !''-Detroit Post.
The religious season, says the New York Maii
Of Monday, opened yesterday ii. the city
churches. Some Of the pastors hal pleasant
o.ior Of uew-f11uwn hay, and some had the hay
fever. But all were gladly welcomed by their
neglected 1ocks.
The Baron Rothschild, Of Paris, has just paid
$500. .00O for picture, when he might subscribe
for the C2riStiax ut lpurk, only So, aud get two
chro1nos that would make him think Of eternity
and future state, and stare the hair of his
head every time he woke up in the night.-Bmr-
! Angto'l HawkeNe.
Last Sunday preacher in New York State
preached on the attempted murder OF Joseph by
his brethren. stT1is shows to what lengths
t'humanitarianisln " on the Indian question has
gone in the Eastern States. But rs Gen. How
aru's attempts to murder Joseph haven't hurt
Joseph mucl, SO far, it wculd be Christian char
ity to forgive Gen. Howard and his men.-Daroit
Post
Bangor Me.) man attended camp-meet-
-,
tirnc he enjoyed. i serious-faccd man asked,
"Wcre there any convcrts." He stopped a
moment, aud said: SWELL, swear, forgot to
ask. But the baked beans werc bully. anu the
sailing and rowing were divine, and there were
some OF the handso1nest girls there that ever
saw"
L gentleman gave party in honor OF dis
tiDguishcd missionary lately returned from his
field Of work. The ladies' appeared with very
decollete dresses, and US the host feared the
style might shock his reverence, he apologizcu
to him Tor it, saying that fashion demanded It,
sob, don't mimi it at ALL" replied the mis-
sionary; II have been ten years among the say
ages.n
Deacon Rathfcl asked his family physician last
week: Il Doctor, you hare had such an extended
experience at dcath-bcis, and have seen 50 many
people go hence, that l would like to ask you
what class are most resigned and die the hap
picsta" The aged man cleared his throat and
said: swell, deacon, have not seen SO very
many deaths, but, so far as / have been able to
learn, the people who die the ha2picst are those
who are huuG."
4 good old lady in this State once attended
the funeral OF man who had made little he'll
Of the neighhorl,ood forty years. In tue very
ranks OF the Villagers who were present more
than twentyua1lad been cut and hacked and
kicked an{f eiHd By hin, ard bis own skin
vas comps WITH 5Ga1s Bus da tn!s
N!r%n htf f'rfi Nhr TC1S q
and 50 she said as she looked down into the
cot1ip,' Well, anyhow, he makes q real quiet
sort of a corpse! !"-Portland 4ryns.
.Vhcn railway was opened in Virginia on o
certain occasion, Bishop was called upon to
WaKe the PRAYER. Nothing in any prayeE-book,
"appliclte" The occasion. So he wrote ont
prayer, and read it from the manuscript: This
performance greatly astonished some OF the ne
Erocs VINO hovcrcd on the outskirts OF the
crowd. s'Pomp," sald one 6, 81 Il the .," eboniss,
plicd Ponp, adat dis is de fust time dat de
Lord was cbbcr written to on dc subject Oh
railroads.
The following Arc two stanzas OF song which
is very popular n1nong the colored worshipers OF
North Carolina, and which is often sung ai re-
viyais:
shuke de dus' OF oh my feet, !
An walk barefoot On the golden street, |
know my hlues chuck full Of sin,
But know old Pete will let me ill., |
cnoHCA-
Den rfse up. children, In cEowa.
An shout an sing to the ansets loud; |
An fix your eyes On the Inn Oh rest,
Kase hctt am hot as hornets nest
That was clever pottical mot which Punch |
upon the preachers loss OF his !
travelling, bay, anil the colloquy with bis friend:
1--WE lost my portmanteau
~ pity your gricf:"
All my sermons we're in 1t w. /
~ pity the theft"
Some clerical plagiarist in London, who as |
su1ues to be Us franl; he Is free, has retortcd
upon Punch in the following unbushing quat- |
rain: ]
Tie thief who stole my sermons,
On which set such store, |
May safely give thc.n back to me, |
Since they were stole before
A correspondent, speaking Of the recent Presi-
Dental trip through New England, gives the |
Baptist lts<k3y the following: While the party |