Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1877-07-18
Humorous Waits.

The goose IL like all other phools -allwuss
seems anxious to prove it.-Josh Billings.
A CROSS EYED minister should never get
up and read the hymn, 4" | will guide thee
with mine eye
The line must be drawn somewhere"
explained Danbury woman, the other night,
when her husband got sawed across the neck
with the clothes-line.
A RICH, but parslnonious old gentleman,
on being taken to task for his uncharitabe-
ness, said: " True, don't give much, but ii
you only knew how it hurts when | give
anything, you wouldn't wonder"
40 JIMMY" said little Rob, "us has got
a new baby, and she's my little sister. All
my very own |" pooh !" said Jimmy
"that's nothing. We've got a great big
hornets nest up in the peak of our barn-
ce have"
"MAY they always live in peace and har-
monv," was the way in which an editor
wound up a notice OF the marriage of a
couple of friends And it came out in his
paper next morning MAY they always live
on peas and hominy."
my DEAR" said an affectonate wife to
her husband as she looked out of the win
dow, "do you notice how green the grass
looks on the neighboring hills 7" "Well,"
was the unpoetic response, "what other
color would you have it this time OF year"
81 DON'T do mischief now, SOS did fore
| got bigger, do /, mamma ?" said BERTHE.
"Aint the goodest boy ever you see ? Say,
mamma, say Mamma looked up Just in
time to see the cat sailing through the door,
harnessed to the dust-pan, with one end of
the clothes-line. " can't help it, mamma"
said BERTHE, in answer 10 the astonished look
of his mother, 81 can't help it Hers got
to be bwoke sometime, her has "
The late DIR, Macallum used to tell OF
tipsy Scotchman making his way home upon
q bright simmer morning when the good
folk were vending their way to the kirk. A
little dog pulled the string from the hand of
II lady who was leading it, and as it ran
away from her she appealed TO the passer-by,
asking him to whistle for her poodle. " Wo-
man." he retorted, with great solemnity of
visage. "Woman, this is no day for
whustlin'?"
A GOOD old farmer found himself one
day with his hired boy at the farther end
of the row, when the dinner-horn sounded.
Anxious to make every step count, he com
luenced to hoe his way back, saying to the
boy as he did so, "'l'homas, do you ever
think about dying ?" "Yes," said Tom, 81
think shall die pretty soon, II don't have
some dinnerl" "Wel WE'LL" said the old
man, dropping his hoe, :" guess we'll 80
now."-Erchdnge
A NEGRO preacher had elaborated new
theory of the Exodus-to wit, that the Red
sea got frozen over and so afforded the Israel
ties a safe passage but, when Pharaoh with
his heavy iron chariots attempted it they
broke through and We're drowned. brother
rose and asked for an explanation OF that
point. . Use been studyin' geography, aud
de geography say dat be very warm country,
where dey have de tropics. Aud de tropics
too hot for freezin' De pint to be 'splained
is, bout breaking through de ice.' The
preacher Strengthened up, and said "Brud-
der, glad you axed that question. 1t gives
me casion to 'splain it, You see that was
great while 'go-in de ole times TO dey had
any gography-'fo' dere was amy tropics