Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-02-21
FUNNY FINDINGS:

A FIERY CONCERN-An insurance com.
pany.
GOLD is getting cheap. Now lay in
your stock.
COUNTER IRR1TANTs-T lunch fend
brigade.
INDIANA doesn't brag much about
her women, but when it comes down
to mules she trots out the hand
soonest animals ever hinged together.
IT is no sign Of an early spring just
because there were cowslips in the
fields the past winter. The poor COWS
couldn't help slipping.
IF any one suddenly cries "Stop
thief !" in the streets of Sacram ento,
men look around and grab the first
men who wears standing collar.
OUR souls has often been filled with
wonder why man should pay $45 for
an Ulster when he can get necktie of
this winters style, the same size, for
$3.50, and all it wants is arm-holes, and
if you are unusually particular, sleeves.
SAID Spanish boatman, speaking of
a fast woman who was passing: "Well,
she'll tire of lace and jewels at last, and
sicken of it all, and then the last thing
will be she'll want to see her poor old
mother, who is but a peasant"
A SEVERE winter like this has wider,
more trying effect than at first appears.
Ice is likely to be SO cheap next sum-
mer that citizens who attend camp
meeting will no longer have any excuse
for not drinking water.
WHTTMAN's poem "To Locomotive
in winter" has some passages which will
doubtless become household words.
This is one of them
"No sweetness debonair of fearful harp or glib
piano thine"
IT is now about o'clock in the after
noon of the nineteenth century, and yet
the average man will pause and gaze
into a show window of ladies' furnish
ing store with a curiosity that is posi-
lively medieval.
IT was year ago that pretty young
bride began to follow the occasional
recipes for cooking that appeared in
this column, and with such success
that she has just married her second
husband.-N. Y. Herald.
SINGULAR PHENOMENON - The man
whose feet were so large that he had to
put his pants on over his head, has got
a boy SO bow-legged that his breeches
patterns have to be cut with circular
saw.
The whale at the New York aqua
rum has turned tail on this world, and
has gone where there is no more
sneezing and blubbering, and whaling,
and where it where it will play on its
little harpoon.
A LADY recently asked her servant
how the mustard pot had become
cracked. The reply, made with all
gravity, was that she did not know, but
supposed that it must have been that
the mustard was so strong that it
caused the fracture. The same SER
want would probably say that a mu-
cilage pot would never break, because
the mucilage would hold it together.
In the place of boys, pretty little
misses are employed as pages in the
Kansas Legislature. There is only
one drawback to the new system.
When one of the little ladies get home
sick, she cries, and when she cries the
members have to huddle around and
comfort her, and wipe away the tears,
and bestow fatherly kisses, and thereby
lose much valuable time.
A LADY walked up to the counter
with a well-flled port-monnaie, and
said, in a very sweet tone: "Have
you any fresh peppermints ?" The
clerk informed her that they had
plenty. care they nice and fresh?"
she asked. "Yes'm, we bought fresh
supply yesterday" replied the clerk.
"Well, if they are nice and fresh, I
will take two cents worth"
A CITIZEN of Eureka having occasion
to go home rather unexpectedly lately
caught q gentleman acquaintance in
the act of kissing his wife. On relating
the circumstance to q friend he was
asked if he punished the guilty party,
and replied, "No, not exactly; but
they must have seen from the way I
slammed the door that [ was not salts
fed.
The California baker who remon-
strated with the magistrate who SEN
fenced him to imprisonmentfo for drunk
enness, and who urged that some man
that could be better spared by the COM
munity than its baker he sent in his
place, has been regarded as a myth.
In. China, however, such proposition
would be regarded as perfectly natural.
Any Celestial criminal can procure a
substitute for the current price, which
ranges from a few coppers where the
punishment to be undergone is whip
ping or imprisonment to about SIS
where the penalty is death.
SMITH came home on Thursday
night when the night was as near morn
ing as it could slop over into, and said
to the family of his bosom that he had
been meeting with the committee ap-
pointed to erect statue to the Me
lean patriot Juarez. Then he settle;
down in camp-stool by the hat-rack,
and remarked that she might hike it up
to him as much as she pleased-he
was open to conviction.-HeroM F. l.
man.
In attempting to carve fowl one
day gentleman found considerable
difficulty in separating its joints, and
exclaimed against the man who had
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