The New York herald., 1877-12-16
I CHAT BY THE WAY.

II and regret Il; out Why didn't you think about Is
before you said ~
Iivou want 10 ask favor Of man tho surest way
s to begin By appealing to hs vanity It Is tho FOOLS
rule, but IL s the shortest road We all think
ourselves great deal bigger than We are, and It
pleases to be told that OF vast importance
when We know that II Is mere fattery
II you wish men TO know that you have religion
don't tell them Of II, Tor they will suspect you
only want 10 borrow money Act your religion and
then you will be believed. Convince yourself that
that you are religious and that will convince Others
A vast number Of people like the moon just
now {, they are getng toward their last quarter.
Congress is growing very dollarous about anan-
ciai question. Common honesty shows plainly enough
that only proper In which debts should be
paid is exactly 100 TO the dollar. tHVi*
Tho Baptists are having another set-to with the
heretical sects ON much little water question.
II strikes that II they would just turn faucet
lot all the water out and then start missionary
enterprise among the heather OF New YORK, they
would nnd that Christianity consists 80 much in
"Wnat you talking about ~ as in s,What are you
going TO do about its" N4t - M
Professor Jewet went to meeting OF Positivists
London and found only three men in the audience.
We surprised at tho implication that there
only three English philosophers who know everything
sbou. everything. Mr.. Jeweu came away, saying to
Q Irend VINO ASKED now many were tnero, "Inere
were three persons and no God"
II we had more clergymen like DR.. Crosby we
should not noed any apologies tor Chrissansy He rs
both downright and upright, kind OF military SAINT
or brgadier IN the church militant Hs can preacn,
he car vote, he can arrest liquor dealer and he
can't be imposed on by a tramp. Give us few more
such Minister'S and shall learn that orthodox the.
ology not reside the corpusoies Of the BRAIN
merely, but also In the muscles OF the right arm. 81
How many times have you looked in the glass,
smoothed out your cravat, pulled up your collar
ana thought yourself fine looking manS We are all
more or less like Sidney smith, who went into room
fitted up with numberless mirrors and seeing himself
in every direction came 10 the conclusion that that
drawing room contained about dozen Of tho hand
soonest clergymen in England.
IL IS impossible Tor Spurgcon not to be funny. He
never shows II in hts sermons but In his lectures he
bubbles over naturally rs fountain He told the
other day OF his attempt preach 10 pulpt
too high for him. He piled up three hassocks and
poised himself them His 'Cast down
but not destroyed" No had the
uttered inan the nassocks gave way and he disap-
peared, giving apt illustration Of both clauses
bis text rhis story is, OF course, true, but Il Is
suspclously like the one told Of Dr. Parkman,
OF Boston. He the same predicament,
and stood on caue.boltomed chair. Even tncn his
head just showed above cushions OF the pulpit He
Tor hts text, "a little while aud ys shall me,
aud yet again little while and ~ shalt not me-"
and bsiore he could tell what his firstly he broke
through the chair, and the people lost sight OF him.
De Quincy used say that all anecdotes
rily false, but whether they not, they
very funny and SO serve their purpose. s4@
Ii does good sometimes to hear what people say
about US. When missionary asked the chlei OF
South African tribe to embrace the Christian religion,
he replied s'You have many Christians here trying to
convert my people, i notice that you call yourselves
by different namos-one Baptist aud another Epls-
copaan-and that you are cnvious Of each other and
hardly speak together. Now, wnen you all become
brothers, ~iil JOIN you and not BEFORE" We aro
afraid that poor benisnted chief will die hts
paganism
man and his wife may be one. and only one but
the olher day heard couple jangiing about
some trivial matter, and from tho noise judged
tha, under the regime OF marriage one and one may
make about dozen. Please to remember that In
every quarrel the fault Is your One open
mouth does not naugurate a fuss; II takes two open
mouths TO get up anything of that kind Keep your
mouth closed, then, and you Will avoid seance
with evil spirits
Some thcolog,ans nsis. that the only thing Adam
lost when ho fell was hts balance Others say that
when he iel he fell up stairs and not down. Well, IL
is pretty evident that 1t is hard tor. OF TO
weigh things corrccty for that balance the heirloom
OF the amiiy, has certainly disappeared; and II we
have inherited the tumble up rather than the tumble
down OF great ancestor he must have occupied a
very humble position IN Paradise.
some OF the rules gwen in rhyme by the Orange
Journal for behavior in church are very apposite,
though we advise you 10 do the opposite:-
Let your thoughts be fixed on high,
4tN And rcarrange your cardinal tie
t.. Put from your mind all thought OF sin,
And rcadjust your diamond pm.
The last words hear with contrte heart
rHs And fx your pullDack when you start.
They have succeeded with the snow OF v hte babies
and with plethor'c pockc,books the managers have
folded their and stealing away into the be-
nighted region or Philadelphia. These managers are
the incai descendants Ut Herod ana tho new nrm IS
carrying on the old business. TEey propose TO
organize show Of coiorcd babies, and in doing so
they VIII get up "hue cry1 and arouse the lndg-
nation OF the society for the Prevention OF Cruelty 10
tho HIS Order OF vortebratcs or human chemical
rs,orts tho language Of advanced science has
Tho "hue seems 70 Ds Of prime Importance. but the
"cry', 10 sare 70 follow. Tad
The liquor dealers are in . sad Ak. They are likeu-
Ing themselves the lilies oi field and say that
.sven solomon all glory no. a raid like oae
u.s." They iry TO deend themselves by long argu-
ments, but the only reply oil the Law 10 sshut up''
botn mouth and snop. NH
IL Is terrible pity chat dead can't be lett TO
enjoy his rest II Vanderbilt could have forcsesn tho
cross.cxamLstion ol the doctors who diagnosed his
case ne would certainly haye made another struggle
for existence His heirs ready will
for the deeu ana making the Commodore prophet
concerning the peculiar nature OF tho disturbance
winch he said there would be after his exit Still
nothing be disgusting than the way which
the details Of his diseases are olscd on the public at
,enton We know ell about his liver, his lungs and
his cersbelIum, and have come to the conclusion
that II he was perfectly when VIII he
would have bson driven stark mad II he had known
that rakings ana scrapings Of his lie would be
scattered the community AZ soon as he died. This
morbid love Of scandal this mighty appetite for the
narpy least oa this delight to hear ali about every
thing tnat Is Questionable aud disgusting Is utterly
appalling Darwin right, and wo are all vul,urea
We scent the dead camel IRON siar. and ars happy