The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1877-07-26
Who Saws Girls Can't Cook I

couple of young lady friends in Easton q
few afternoons since, and found them in
entire possession of the house. Father
and mother had gone to the farm In the
country, and the ecok had gone with
epotber HAN up the Delaware to look for
trailing arbutus with which to trim the
hop-hole.
Those three young people enjoyed
themselves that afternoon to degree
that was positively nlnrming-to the
neighboes, But alasi the best Of fun,
Ike many other things, is liable to break
in two il the rnidtile, aud right in the
rnidst OF their jolity, Maud suddenly
whispered to Annie IAN
"Oh! what in the world Will we do
about Ally's slipper ?" You see, his name
y Algernon, but they call him "Ally''
for sweet.
"Never mind, Mandy, dear, we'll fix
that. If we can't do any better we can
cook some ham and eggs, anyhow"
The result .waB that Henry Algernon
WIS let into the secret that the cook WIS
away, and the girls didn't know enough
about cooking to disgust d cannibal, but
weso going to try for his sake, and he ac-
companied them down to the kitchen.
With a herculean effort he sawed off q
couple Of hliees OF ham about as thick as
a board, and left the rind on them, tell
ing the girls his mother always did that
to keep them in shape-the ham-not
the girls.
Maud, without the slightest hesita-
tion, took down the teapot, measured
out teacupful of green and o teacupfrl
Of black ten, which she but in together,
and as the Kettle was boiling she halt
filled the pot with water and set it on
the back port of the stove to draw.
Annie went in the cellar and came back
with an air of confidence, two pounds of
butter, dozen eggs and pitcher of
milk. She laid them down and said, in
quiringly:
"Maud, when cook makes ham with
cream gravy, did you ever notice whether
she puts in the butter and flour or the
sugar and milk frst?"
"Oh no, Annie, you mix the flour
and milk and sugar and then put the
butter in the pan."
Chow much butter?"
"Oh 1 don't know; bout half a
pound, 1 guess
Annie cut off a chunk of butter about
the size of q colts hind foot and put it
in pan that was already hot on the
fire, and while it was melting beautifully
she proceeded to mix up the other
things, which in a moment she poured
in literally and conscientiously. The
pan hesitated Il moment, as though it
had been astonished at something, and
then commenced to foam away in fine
style. While the girls wiped the per-
spiration off their faces, Henry Algernon,
sitting on the edge of the kitchen table,
said
"Now, girls. why don't You flop in
your ham ?"
"Oh! sure enough!" and each girl
grasping a slice of ham, dropped it
gracefully in the seething pan, the con-
tents of which of course sloshed over
like Fourth of July orator, and there
went up a smoke in that kitchen along
side of which the smoke of Sodom and
Gomorrah was ten-for-a-cent cigarette,
and if it had not been that the tea kettle
boiled over just then and put out the
confagration there might have been
trouble.
When Henry Algernon, Maud and
Annie ventured in from the shelter of
the grape arbor and looked upon the
wreck they all mildly sighed.
"Oh! pshaw!" observed Annie, "I
don't care, so don't. 1 can't cook any
how"
"Never mind, Annie!' replied Maud
consolingly, "go down in the cellar
and get some bread and I'll cook some
eggs. Ally, how do you like your
eggs?"
"Well," remarked Algernon, with the
air of an epicure that had graduated in a
four dollar boarding-house, "I'm not at
all particular; but if 1 have preference
at all it is for broiled."
Maud looked at him wildly for a
second; but she was not going to be put
down by any young man who wore a
mole with two hairs In for mustache,
and she got down the broiler and set it
over the Goals to get warm. Then she
broke six eggs into a dish, and finding
the broiler was so hot she couldn't lift it.
deliberately trailed the eggs across it.
The natural consequence was another
Sodom and Gomorrah, and another re-
treat to the grape arbor, while the tea
pot having boiled itself dry in a second
attempt to come to the rescue, cracked
open, let the damp tea out on the stove,
aud added separate and distinct per-
fume to the scene that was rather
pleasant.
Both girls showed strong symptoms
of washing their aprons in their eyes,
when Algernon came gallantly to the
rescue, saying
"Here, girls, let's call this a conun-
drum and give it up, and go to some
place where we can buy ice cream and
cake and strawberries without the
trouble of cooking them"
And those two girls grabbed the
smoking ham off the fire, as one man,
raised up their voices and said:
"Amen. "-EastOn,F Free Press.