The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-03-31
VARIETY.

80 But you shall 60 to school, said Chicago
man to his youthful son. ''and | want no more
argument about it.'' Then, as the paternal
reached for something hanging up behind the
stove, the boy looked him sadly in the eye and
inquired ." Father, would you bull-dose me
into it p The boy got his holiday.
JoHN IS SHocKKD.-About three-quarters of
a second after Chicago Chinaman took the
handles of a street electrical machine, the other
day, he began to remark 80 Ut, ut !-hol on |!
wooch mi-wish- -ka-pulle way -wah Mclean
man heepee dlam-hele-me-ooch! 20 Then the
operator, who hadn't strength to keep the thing
going any longer, lay down on the ground and
rolled around, and lost his hat and dug his toes
into the ground, and elutched at his diaphragm,
and chewed snow for living, while the China
man tipped-toed off muttering '' Whoopee
Mclean delvel on wheels-launly man muchee
no takee hol' '-egan-pay five cents heepee diam
fool shakee head OFF,
The King of Burmah is very proud of his new
Krupp gun, and lately amused himself by throw
ing shot with it into the Irawaddy river. One
struck rice-laden dhow, which sunk. drowning
the captain. The King was in raptures, for he
had pointed the gun himself. Shells were then
tried at long range, village on the opposite
bank being the target. All Mandalay turned
out to watch the sport, and the village was soon
in flames. The Inhabitants ''ran about like
mad" in such a comical manner that his Majesty
laughed heartily. Then the crowd on the Man
dalay side tempted the military ardor OF the
gracious sovereign, who suddenly gave the
sightseers a dose of grape and canister. The
crowd instantly scattered, leaving some twenty
men and children dead on the ground. His.
majesty was highly amused the next criminal
is to be blown from the mouth of his gun after
the English fashion.
Springfield Republican Brattleboro people
cell this for fact A young widower IN Wind
ham country, not far from Brattleboro. who was
greatly in need of housekeeper, rode, day after
day, in vain search for hired girl. AT last,
almost discouraged. he drew up at small dwell
ing among the hills Sc Can you tell me where
l can get woman to do the work in farm
house?'' Where are ye from? ?" asked the
old man, viewing the handsome horse and buggy
zith critical air. Sc My name is, and
1 am from --.'' "0h. ya'as, I've hearn
of ye; ye lost yor wife spell ago. Well, I've
got six gais-good gals, too-and yer may take |
yer pick among 'sm for wife; they wouldn't
none of 'em thing OF going out ter work. Should
as full as leves you'd take Hannah, because she's
the oldest, and her chances amt quite so good, |
seeing as she's near-sighted and can't hear SO |
very well ; but if yer don't want her, ye can /
take yer pick of tothers." The widower went |
in. selected the best looking one, drove to the
Justices, was married, and carried home that I
night permanent housekeeper, who proves to
be, so far. IN every way satisfactory
A CHICAGO Mans EXPERIENCE WITH BLUE
CAUSE.-THE blue glass mania has reached its /
climax in the sad case of Chicago man. de /
went into an opticians and bought pair of blue
goggles to wear on his eyes. he dropped into
a hat store and ordered little round piece of
blue glass put in top of his hat in place of the /
usual tin ventilstor. He then partook of
dinner of bluef:sh at o restaurant with blue
skylight, dipped his fingers into q blue glass
finger bowl, and refused TO drink anything until
the waiter hunted him up mug with a blue
glass bottom. The day was now spent, and |
going home in a blue light street car the blue
glass man, meeting his children at the door,
refused to kiss any but those having blue eyes,
sat down in blue chair to read copy OF the
Blue Laws of Connecticut, and got into such
fit of the blues that he took some blue ink, and,
writing in his viii that at his death the glass
in the coffin shall be blue glass and his monu-
ment made of blue granite, he grabbed re-
Volver and blew out his brains. Query. Didn't
" blue glass; have something to do with this?
HIs ExPERISKgF RESULTS DIsAsTRoUsLY.-The
subject was the employment of women as sales
women, or Z" sales ladies' as the latest euphe-
mism has it.
Mrs Spieer said she always 'shated to buyany-
thing from woman"
sfThat is because one woman does not know
how to use another" said Spicer men have no
difficulty in dealing with some women (; lemme
show YOU As they entered the toy-store he
blandIy approached an apple faced girl with
faxen hair done up in small pats over her fore
head. and slightly raising his hat asked to be
AppIe-faee turned cheap locket, hanging at her
neck right side out, smiled and said, 50 Yes sir. "
Spicer turned his eyes around in triumph, but
his ears unfortunately heard the shop-belle say.
soto voice:
nJenny, show this bald headed old noodle
some cheap stuff, win you there's Jim Spooner
less come in, and want to see him.
Mrs. Spicer chuckled, and Spicer thought they |
had better walk out and see what there was at
the further end of the store.