St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-01-12
Squibs.

get change for dollar bill he felt
obliged to add personal explanation
that it was not his money.
A western boy said the other boys
gun would not carry one hundred and
fifty yards, and offered to be target at
that distance. He acknowledged his
mistake, however, before the doctor had
picked all the shot out of him.
An Atlantic girl sat on her lovers hat
and kept him three hours over time
Er. The next time that young man
goes to see his girl he should hang his
hat OIL nail instead of holding it in his
lap.-NorTistOWn Herald.
When stranger strikes a town (says
the Norristown Herald) in which there
are seventeen drinking saloons and only
one church, he puts the place down
Democratic without further canvassing,
slips his pocket-bOok in his bootleg,
and leaves on the next train.
DR.. Richard McSherry, of Baltimore,
is writing series of scientific articles
on ''The Perils of the School-room," in
which he assails the defective ventila-
tiOn in our school buildings. When we
went to school the great peril did not
arise SO much from defective ventilation
as from supertiuity of bent pins and
luxuriant, spontaneous growth of hard
finish rattan.-Bwlington Ha'Ukeye.
Bible history creates great confusion
sometimes. eff somebody didn't saw
and split the wood" says the Burling-
ton Hawkeye, after profound thought,
chow could Pontius PLATE 2"
A correspondent wants to know the
best time made in walking. The best
time we know of was when we were
going home from a Thursday evening
lecture one night and made mile in a
little over four hours. We wouldn't
have walked so fast only the old gentle
man was expected home at midnight
and she had to leave the night key un-
der the mat.-NOr,Cich Bulletin.
A few nights ago North Hill man,
whose turkey didn't act as though it
was going to agree with him, thought
he would take seidlitz powder. But
by mistake he took tartar emetic, and
when the returning board went into
session it threw out pretty much every
thing. Burlington HaWkeye.
The Commercial Advertiser thinks
that the man who sang, :'Cub, oh, cub
wild me" had been in the habit of going
out bareheaded.
Mistress ''Come, Bridget, how much
longer are you going TO be about filling
that pepper-box ?" Bridget Ia fresh
importation from where they don't use
pepper-castols): "Shure, ma'am, and
it's meself can't say how long it'll be
takin' me to git all this stuff in the
thing through the little holes in the
top!n
The Omaha Republican cOrrects an
error in original poetry by saying "In
the third line of the third stanza read
trusted instead of busted After all,
the error is not so great as might be
supposed, for every business man who
has trusted has sooner or later been
busted, and it is not worth while to dis
turb poetry for little thing like that"
Said an Irish Justice to an obstreper-
Gus prisoner on trial, ave want moth
ing but silence, and but little of that ="
One of our physicians who had been
greatly annoyed by numerous questions
concerning the condition of a certain
patient, was stopped while on his busy
rounds by man with the old question !:
"How's Mr.--?" "Sick," replied the
physician. ''Does he keep his bed ?"
"Of course he does; you don't suppose
he's fool enough to sell his bed because
he's sick, do you g"-NOrh Adams
Transcript.
The question was recently proposed
to "dOwn East" editor: Are hoop
skirts dangerous He Immediately an
swered that they are always very dan
gerous. when they have anything in
them!
California officials are nothing if not
explicit. A San Antonia sexton in max
ing his report of burials, is so to most
cOmmendable degree. For instance
such entries as this occur: "Died,
John Smith; male; aged days un-
married.
The Burlington Hawkeye didn't
know before what made them so long
in counting the votes in Florida; but it
seems General Spinner resides there
now, and voted at the last election, and
the old man scratched his ticket.
Shoe dealer: 81 find we have no
No. IL shoes; but here is pair of large
nines." Customer: ''Nines Do you
take me for Cinderiller 2"
A soldier was wounded by shell
from Fort Wagner. He was going to
the rear, when he was hailed by the
colonel. "WOunded by shell 2" ''Y es,n y
he coolly answered, ''I was right under
the darned thing when the bottom
dropped out"
SAYINGS OF JOSH BILLINGS Save
your best shuze for Sunday, and don't
be ashamed of yure poor relashuns.-
Marry yung, and if you make hit,
don't brag about it.-Be kind to you're
mother-in-law, and pay her board at
some first-class hotel.-GO to bed arly,
and be karful what you dream about
Never run in debt, not if you can find
any other place to run intO.-Don't
miss emmy phun not if you hav to go ten
miles out ov yure way to find it.-Never
drink TOO much buttermilk, and how
ever mean you may be, don't abuze a
cOw.-The man who CANDLES, OF drinks
whiskey, kant choose his associates.
''What have become of the singers ?"
asks the Montreal Gazette. Move up
towards this end of the pew, says the
Burlington Hawkeye, and we will show
you. That is the soprano, the one near
est the end of the choir, letting the
young fellow with the camel's-hair
! moustache and curling hair squeeze her
hand. He is the tenor. There is the
) alto III the opposite corner, and the
meek-looking little man with Burnside
whiskers, who is feeding her with gum
, drops and nervously looking out for his
wife's eye, (the big, igh-cOmplexioned
woman near the third window on the
right-hand side of the church, with a
wart on her cheek, is the baritone, and
!; the burly looking fellow who looks like