West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1877-12-08
That Nose OF His.
ICineinnati Breakfasl Table. /

cincinnati breakfast Tablet
He stood behind little table covered
with cheap glittering jewelry, in the
mouth of an alley on Vlne-street. In
all kinds of weather he was at his post
during daylight hours. When it raincd
he put up the shutters figuratively
speaking-by throwing rubber blanket
over his treasure, and sheltering himself
in an adjacent doorway, but when the
sky was clear he was rs firmly planted
behind that little table as though he had
been "A gun-metal lawn ornament. He
was a very little man-smaller than n
market half bushel, and in hurrying by
you would probably never have seen
him at all, had it not been for his nose.
But that nosel You couldn't miss SEQ
ing il any more than you could the head
light of locomotive. II was a nose YOU
couldn't dodge. You were bound To see
II, whether you wanted to or not. Ii
was nose that asserted itself, and like "A
strong-minded woman insisted upon hav-
ing all its own rights and IA many others
as IL could rope i'm. IL was not nose TO
drive a sculptor to strong drink, or make
n painter curse the stupidity of the old
masters for allowing the art of mixing
colors TO share the fate of Charley Ross.
But il was n nose that no man could look
upon without experiencing n change
of heart, for one full unobstructed view
of it would fill the organ of life to over
flowing with gratitude that heaven had
had more of grudge against some one
else. Let any one bowed down with n
load of misfortune meander along by
that jewelry stand, and tho burden
vamoosed. Among its other qualities il
seemed endowed with the talismanic one
of making all other ills dwindle faster
than Senatorial prospects, when they
came TO stand up beside it. 1t would
send the monomaniac skipping along
with his head in an atmospheric strata
never found before, wondering why he
had not sooner undertaken to pair off
his troubles with the blessings of life,
rubbing his hands gleefully, and telling
himself with jubilance what an incon-
siderate old ass he had been on general
principles. IL was nose that tried hard
to be sociable, and much against your
will was bound TO go along with you.
You might put it out and double lock
the door. II wouldn't stay. Before you
could take your seat il was before you
again. 1t popped into you mind at the
most inopportune moments, turning
things topsy-tuTvy. You might set
down and try to figure up how much you
would make in selling thirty-nine boxes
of Goldfish at seventeen dollars each that
cost you eight, but that nose would walk
in and sit down on every figure you
made, and il ever nose could wink i'm
defiance and ridicule, that particular
one surely did. 1t was a nose TO be
proud of, for in six thousand years of
trial nature had never produced another
like IL, and never will again. IL was a
mine of wealth in itself, for bigger ad-
vertisement couldn't bc crowded into
band-wagon with banners and white
horses. There was sort of fascination
about it that would pull people up to
that little bench as irresistibly as a
windlas with rope around their necks,
and when they got there they would buy
some gew-gaw that went down the first
open coal-hole, simply for pretense to
gain little time TO look at il without
oiiense, and wonder, and speculate, and
query within themselves what object
our common mother had in view when
she took such wide departure from all
precedents. And then after walking
two or three blocks that nose would go
shooting across the mental empyrean
Inv ldHHlonhDlc COUlcJ trying 10
make up lost time, and back the person
would go on drummed up pretense Of
having received too much change, and
feast the eyes again until the intellect
became dazed, and stunned, and more
perplexed than boot-black with two
cigar stumps and no matches. IL was a
good nose TO talk through, and occupied
good deal Of time i'm that way. Ithad
no mercy whatever upon pocket-hand-
kerchief, and had long since turned it
self into a regular Merchants Exchange
for boilg and their kindred. IL was not
n big nese, for it was smaller than the
man, and we have said that he WAS not
gigantic, but IL was nose that no man Of
aesthetic temperament would undertake
TO wring--without gloves. To sum up
and boil down, it was nose that could
not be described, pictured or imagined.
With all his medals for fine results in
photography from the sOvereigns Of
earth, Landy would pale before IL and
pitch his camera out Of the window.
Bayard Taylor might face it with ream
Of paper under each arm, and a gross of
steel pens in every pocket, with no bet
ter result, and old John Willet, with all
his imagination might sit down on n log
and guess himself blind without getting
nearer TO IL than first base. So you see.
posterity will have TO try and get along
somehow without knowing anything
about it.