Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-02-07
WIT AND HUMOR.
Coal dealers have their own weigh

WHEN birds soar they MARBLE, but
VIII IN throat's sore it doesn't.
1T takes but two seconds to arrange 8
duel. ~ Gid Q z s IT. 1T1i-1 2 :
LIE hand-organ man has only one
way to turn for a living. ''..'...
!. " Nor lost but gone before E" ex-
claimed the man when his hat blows off
and ahead of him.
g A. WHITEHALL justice is called q" Old
Perfumery" by the boys, because he
has scent 'em up so often.
{" Is your master up?" asked an
early visitor of nobIeman's valet.
+" Yes, sir" replied the valet with great
innocence, "the butler and I carried
him up about three O'clock"
" REMEMBER who you are talking to,
sir" said an indignant parent t. a
facetious boy; 81 am your fathero
Well, who's to blame for that?" said
the young impertinence, "tain't me-"
He ran three squares after what he
thought was a street car light; and,
after he got out of breath, he laid down
On the doorstep, Disguised to find out
that it was only a ightning-bug on his
spectacles. 4l ,a-" a1a-e
DUNDREARY says: "Yaas, she was a
mice girl. I was g-going to marry
her m-myself, but I d-dldn't get up
that m-mOrning, or something of that
sort; d-don't w-wecollect ju-juht what
it wath."
IT is something of consolation in this
weather to reflect that man who holds
a 5000 pew sits down just as firmly on
fto n Gil ,aI
one of the free seats back by the door
without any cushion on it.
You can always tell whether buzz
saw is going or not by simply feeling of
it, but it generally takes about as long
to find the ends of your fingers at it
would to have gone and asked the
foreman of the shop if the thing was
in mathematician Times.
ELIZABETH DERoc, an old Dutch lady
of Chicago, who saw Napoleon at Delft
in 1900, says that he rode q white
horse, took off his hat to the people,
and at banquet ate only white beans,
for fear he might be poisoned.
A MOTHERS love is never wholly ex-
hausted, and when his father whaled
her boy for throwing mud balls against
the newly-whitewashed fence, that
mother interposed with the remark
that if Gustav Dore had such father
he never would have been the famous
painter that he is. ao '3- es.-
"No Teller. can't git no fame Dor
nothin' with things as they is now," be-
walled cham pion pugilist on street
corner the other day. IF Teller does
60 to gettin' any fame by fghtin' lit
tie, he jes' has all he can do ter keep
from g.ttin' locked up, and mebbe
fined, tool"
A SAN FRANCISCO clergyman ran to.
catch q horse car. Some wag raised
the cry of "Stop thief" The clergy
man was stopped by limb of the law,
and explained. He failed to see any
fun in the joke, but the bystanders ap-
peared to enjoy it.
SOMEBODY shot Mr.. Josephsen, at
San Francisco, with an unusually &C.
centric bullet. The missile struck him
in the cheek, and, instead of going
through the head, as any well-regulated
bullet should, made detour down ward
through the throat, approached the
making its exit under the arm-pit.
SH-YEAR OLD in starting for school
Friday morning, said to his mother,
e" To-day is jamination day, ma" 81
shouldn't think you would want to go
to school, then," remarked his mother.
"Oh, they amt agoin' to jam but a
little bit" he pleasantly explained. The
mother was satisfed.-Danbury Ne,us.
THIS is a. Boston advertisement
1908: "Much wanted-A neat, we'll
heaved female, to do kitchen work in a
small family at Charleston, near Boston.
She may pray and sing hymns, but not
over the fish kettle: may 60 to meeting,
but not to believe in the divinity of
Elias Smith; nor belong to the whining
congregation Of midnight worshippers.
Inquire at the Repertory Office, near
Boston, sa3 10 ass.. fa8 ef lee
ia They we're playing Samson" and
when it came to the place where the
hero had to have his hair cut off, Deli
lah, who had lost her scissors, under
took to saw it off with dull jack
knife. The recumbent Samson Writhed,
jumped to his feet, swore that wasn't
the way to do it, and finally made a
break down the Vally of Askelon and
disappeared through one of the gates
of GAIA, yelling as if dozen bulldogs
were after him.-Gobe-De
AN officer of the senate tells this
story about Senator Goldthwaite, of
Alabama: Senator Goldthwaite has
long been afflicted with absentminded-
ness. He has great difficulty in keep
ing track Of his wearing apparel, con-
stantly losing his coat or his hat. He
also has the habit of taking other peo-
pies coats by mistake, particularly if
they happen to hang near his own peg.
One day senator missed his coat,
which had about 80 500 in money in it.
The disappearance was attended by
such singular circumstances that detec-
tives were quietly put upon the trail.
Four days afterward two detectives
called at Senator Goldthwaite's house.
and asked him if he had his own coat.
After searching his closet for time he
returned, bringing the lost, coat, and
saving This does not look unite like