Litchfield enquirer., 1877-12-27
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EConklings Custom Househy1nn.

tConkling Custom HousehyIAn. Hold the Portl"
 !, A western, editor returned tailor's bill. en- dorsed, Declined: handwriting illegible."
 A reporter on Chicago newspaper was dis; lmi$ed last week for speaking of q Chicago lIfbapeR house as i'the largest inthe Yes, Fin stead Of 1'the iargest in the world "-A As a-~ .
 ssSilencein thecou !" thundered a Kentucky 1 judge the other morning. s'Haf dozen men have been convicted already without the courfs having been able to hear'a word Of the testi: mony." "A [ Emma Bailey and Emma colby are biiisd tc run a foot race in Virginia City on Christmas Day. This win be, we suppose, what the printers call two-em dash.
 An Elko Chinaman went home drunk and wasmet at the door by his wife, yho cluhbed him unmercifuIly. A .passer-b rerI1arked piled, sTshe too muchee sabee. She live Tong side Melican woman tree month"
 ssYou have often" said the clergyman,
 'eheard the brethren say Amen !amen r while some enc was praying. What did they mean l If any one knows let, him hold up his hand. Up jumped little fellow, so eager to antweI
 
 called out. "It means hurry up and get though M z ALI sAsEa
 Some one tells of an Ohio tavern keeper ap- pointed collector of internal revenue who got one day, in an envelope addressed to him ofh- cially, $500 greenbaek, with slip of paper, on which was written conscience money" He simply remarking 'I always did suspect that bar-keeper." EE First Scot Fat sort o' minister hae ye got ten, Geordie P Second ADitto-.Oh, weel, he's no muckle worth. We seldom get glint O him. Sax days O tn week he's enveesble, and on the seventh he's encomprehensible 7.
 Mrs. Chef Justice Waite is reported as say ing when she heard that the planet Mars has three moons-' Think of young people living in planet where there is no shady side of the street at nlght9 Fn
 A Presbyterian minister, while marrying a couple of bis rustic parishioners, felt exceed ingly dlsconcerted on his asking the bridegroom if he was willing to take the woman for his welded wife, by his scratching his head and saying, "Ay, I'm wullin, but I'd rather hae her slster. 9.rr5 GETfff "E@ 4TG1t bf 2, Ibid I not give yoh fogging the other day Y said schoolmaster to 6 trembling boy. "Yes, Sir" answered the boy. 'eWell, what do the Scriptures say upon the subject II don't know, Sir," said the boy, except it is in that passage which says, It's more blessed to give than to receive" tet fss,segl.5r It was in Pennsylvania. He proposed to the daughter of neighbor. She laughed at him and told him she was going to marry another man-a rival whom he disliked. Hethen went home and hanged himself. When she heard of his death she cried out, t'Oh, intended to marry Billy. I was only teazing him." and became unconscious. So it would appear that Billy was none too soon in hanging himself. - wood Duly Champion, "a quieter, more peace ful, well regulated and orderly community in the western country" And then, as the office boy entered to say that somebody wanted to see him, he took his bowie knife between his teeth, put Colts new pattern seven shooter on the desk in front of him, and said |: 'tJim, get out another coffin-a plain one this time-and let the critter come in."'y @
 A distinguished politician from the rural dis tricts resolvedto give splendid dinner to some of his party friends. In order to make sure that everything should be of the best quality, he went to market himself, and bought first a turtle. After taking great pains to select one of the finest specimens in the lot, and ordering 1t to be sent home he said to the tradesman, by way of making it quite right, ''This is a re- al genuine turtle, ain't it ?" ''Oh, certainly, |" was the reply; ''one of the very best. Be- cause, added the politician ''although aint been in the city long, II ain't to be humbugged; :; it won't do for you to try to putof any of your confOunded mock turtles on to me-"