West-Jersey pioneer., 1877-01-11
NO. 1906
VARIETIES.

MI L. :. i1iiSS, blo eFdu rciiSt, VINO WIS
killed at Ashtabula had youth of COM
parative hardship. His first scientific
knowledge of music was obtained from his
wife after their marriage.
A blubbering little fellow explained his
tears to a companion: "Pa sent me after
Goldfish for breakfast, an l went fishing,
and was gone all day, and now we have
been havin' some bulldoz;n'."
A prophetic itemizer remarks: "Palestine
is to have railroad, and the cry will soon
be: "All aboard for Jerusalem Passen-
gers for Moab and the Dead Sea will please
remain in the forward car"
The winter of 1927, in Missouri, was psr.
haps the coldest ever known in that section,
in fact it was so cold that paper out there
says: ''Horses, cattle and turkeys roosting
on trees were frozen to death"
Out of suffering have emerged the strong.
est souls, and the most massive characters
are scanned with scars; martyrs have put
on their coronation robes glittering with
fire, and through their tears have tue sor-
rowful first seen the gates of heaven.
Mrs. Mary A. Livermore says that girls
are not particular enough about the men
they marry; but there is woman over in
Chelsea, who is 80 particular about the
man she married that she takes her sewing
to his Office and sits there all day till he is
ready to go home.
Uncle Joseph, an aged colored man of
good repute, was yesterday halted on
Woodward avenue and asked if he was sat
isfied with the election. "Pufickly, puff
tickfy," was his ready reply. eyes, sab, I
is puffickly satisfied dat more'n forty fellers
wants job round de City Hall dis wintah,
an pufickly satisfied dat de bode of can
vas backs will return de great majahity to
de boxes from whence dey arose up. Is dat
all, sab ?'
A graphic idea of the demoralized condi-
ton of society in South Carolina was fur
nished to Congressman Abbott at Charles.
ton the other day. An old darkey, who
was trying to build fire in his room, was
so slow that the Judge asked him what the
matter was. The reply was prompt and
comprehensive: "Fact is, Judge, that dar
is no coal down stairs. It's no use talking,
dis country is gwine to HI as fast as it
kin! Ise been up and down de alley, and
stole all de wood l could find, and, in do
present demoralized condition of society,
can't do no BETTER
Dubuque girl played Copenhagen at
party the other night, yelled and shrieked,
and howled, and ran behind the door and
scratched the young mans face in seven
places and upset kerosene lamp, and
kicked over the piano stool and screamed
for the police, and finally, when he kissed
her just on the tip of the ear, she tainted
dead away, and said she could never look
anyone i'll the face again, and they led
the bashful, modest creature sobbing home.
The next day she ran away with married
lightning rod peddler with hare lip and
six children.
In all policies of life insurance these, with
host of other questions, occur: "Age of
father, if living p Gage of mother, if liv-
ing?" A man in the country who filed up
an application made his fathers age .if
living" one hundred and twelve years. and
his mothers one hundred and two. The
agent was amazed at this, and fancied he
had secured an excellent customer, but be.
ing son ewhat dubious, he remarked that
the applicant came of a very lorg lived fam
lily. ''Oh, you see, sir" replied be, ''my
parents died years ago. but '.if living' they
would be aged as there put down." "E1.
actly-I understand" said the agent.
A Union street girl discovered her young
brother out behind the shed the other CAV.
pulling away at sweet-fern cigar. "There,
young man!' she exclaimed, as the cigar
hastily disappeared behind the boys back:
''I'll tell father of you-see if l don't"
"Yes, you tell 'im," retorted the brother.
suddenly recovering himself; ''you tell i'm
an see how quick that fellow O. yourn'u
skip. III tell father how you an i'm was
settin' ON the parlor sofa an i'm huggin'
you like blazes. You jes' gn an tell, that's
all | ask" The sister very discreetly with.
drew, while the young statesman finished
his smoke in tranquility .--Rockland Courier.
Do not hurt the feelings of others by saw.
ing sharp, sarcastic things. 1t is better to
dispense with that questionable reputation
of being smart than merit one of cruelty.
A person pushing his way through crowd.
dealing blows, right and left, thrusting his
sharp elbows into the side of this one, aud
stepping on the soft corns of that one. is
considerate and tender in comparison with
one who treads ruthlessly on the sacred
feelings of his neighbor, or stabs him in a
tender place with the sharp blade of sar-
casm-stings him with ridicule. 1t is the
sweet little courtesies, dropped like flowers
by the wayside, that makes life summsry
and fills it with fragrance.
Not long ago, as an elderly couple were
out walking, lady on the opposite side of
the street tripped and fell down. The old
gentleman rushed across the street, raised
his hat, and offered to assist her in any
possible way His wife followed him across
at slow pace, and witnessing his devotion
to the stranger. she got mad and shook
her fist at him. "It's all right-it's al
right" he wispered. "Yes, know it isr'
she hotly exclaimed. "Here an unknown
woman stubs her toe, and you plow across
the street to eat her up with kindness. The
other day, when fell downstairs, you stood
and laughed and chuckled and tickled your
ribs, and wanted to know if was practic-
ing for circus!'
At the late New Year reception in Wash
ington, Mrs. Grant wore an elegant and be-
coming black velvet trained skirt embroid-
cred in jet, with basque out heart. shape
in front and high at the back, and with long
sleeves. A diamond cross rested on her
neck and solitaire diamonds glittered in her