The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-02

neither Catholic nor a Protestant; I'm jour
nalist.n His Holiness laughed, and moved ON to
some enc else.
Whisky has cot so cheap atJolet, and It's con-
sumption has become SO universal, that the Re
puJlicQn says the mikmen have been obliged to
reduce the family luxury Of milk to 4c a quart
4 desperate Sheridan lover thus paraphrascs
4 popusar poem and inserts it in the Nc,cs as orr.
cin&l:
I-t5od upon Fox Rivers pleasant shore,
And with a fragile reed wrote
Upon the sand
Nellie love thee"
The mad waves rolled by and blOtted out
The fair impression,
Fral reed cruel wave. treacherOuS sand
III trust ye no more;
Bat with giant hand I'll pluck
From Norway's frozen shore
Her tallest pine, and dip its top
Into the crater Of Vesuvius,
And upon the high and FURNISHED heavens
II write
"Nellie, love theew
And would like to see any
Dog-goncd wave wash that out!
An American citizen was garroted and robbed
recently while travelling from Turkey to st, Pc
tersburg. No diplomatic correspondence will
two small towns in the oil regions of Pennsylva-
MA.
The Burlington Hawkege tells Of solitary
Ohio man who demanded, in husky voice, at
the office window in the railway station: Tiki
Where for?' asked the unruflled monopolist be-
hind window. anywhere! Anywhere" was the
iricuzied response. Anywhere, Clean through,
Clean acrost! To Burglary. or PIooshy, or the
Danube, or Difendorfer, or any place. Any
where out Of an ungrateful country, that coldly
turns its back upon its deserving children Any.
where out of American And he bowed his head
and wept He was the only man in Ohio that
didn't get an office.
After all there is no man who does business
with less useless fuss than your genuine John
Smith. In the n. Y. World police items of Tues.
cay occurs this
John Smith was arraigned in the Jefferson
Market Police Court yesterday morning on u
charge ofintoxication.
You were drunk" said His Honor.
u can't deny it," said the prisoner.
II will have to fine you go" said the Court.
An right, boss" said the prisoner
The Graphic says: "When new pedestrienne
makes her debut on the saw dust track IN Boston,
the papers call it bounding from the sedentary
obscurty INTO the arena Of peripatetic cccbrity.'
They have to put mustard poultce on the back
Of the dictionary every night"
The Indianapolis Ne,cS says shat the temper.
Gnce movement is spreading over the whole
state. 1t is movement that promises to take
the color line out Of a good many prominent
Hoosier politicians.
Well, you may consider Beecher Just as bad as
you please, he don't intend TO reform. In his
Friday evening talk last week he said:
mean to keep on in this good work for TWEEN.
~ or thirty years more, until ! am eighty or
hinety, If the Lord don't interfere. You can't
surt NE. II live, work; il don't live, 20 to
heaven, and you can't stop Tits Gods will.
Thanks to the lberality Of committees in pro.
ylding their church pcws with the Moody and
sankey hymn books, nearly every home in Dan.
Jury has copy.-DdnJHy Nc'cS.
Frightfully disloyal statement, by the Cincinna
i Gazette
A disappointed applicant sends to the White
House 4 series Of questions to PROFOUND to APP
plcants under the civil service. Two OF the
questions, with answers, were the following: O.
Where is the United States? AIN Ohio. O
Who is the father of his country: Al. Mad.
son Wells.
Here, fix up the constitution so that man
viii have the privilege of shooting the fellow
who asks for light from his 25-ccn, Havana,
and hands back the stub of penny-grab
A man who jumped overheard recently TO save
t.s wife from drowning, has explained his action
satisfactorily to his friends. He said she had a
good deal of jeweiry on her person and gold was
high.
Large shipments Of paste diamond pins are
daily made 20 Saratoga. The owncrs-hotel
rlefks-foilow next week with portable tanks Of
hair oil.
Hundreds 0! our young doctors, it is rumorcd.
AZ applying for positions as surgeons In ,h,,
turkish army. This is, indeed. help Tor Russia
from an unexpected source.-N. I. Commercial
-i0e,rttser.
The king Of Holland has offered 20 send 40.
GO tulips 10 the Paris exposition Of ISIS. He
must also send some Of his gin TO keep the two
lips moist
The SIN, is speaking of Anna Dickinson, Der
iOIISanee oil ihne B0teyfs, says: "Shc tremhled
hc.ween an orator ana q Down Ea,, scold !"
Who wouldnt:-HDttoryi Clarion
Lookee here, what's become Of Belly Wheeler.
the fellow who ran for Vice president last Year,
Solomon says he that gcitcth a wife getteth a
good thing but wha: sort 0; thing does the
poor wife often get:
The Aurora Ne1's tells the cad story Of }. C.
Berga, who ran away with pretty French girl
int was followed by his wife and overhauled a,
aurora, where the reporter met ,be two in the
parior. the wife laying it down to the ruuawa,
in this language:
"You will. eby You miserable good for.nofb
ing. You're going 10 get right snio the frs;
train with me and 20 home 70 sheridan: that.
What you'll do"
Aad be cid.