Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1877-07-13
lConcluded from First page l


= moment the feeling passed away. and
was free TO move again.
approached nearer, held up the light
and examined the picture carefully. ]
was certainly morbid and original con
ception. IL represented a low. scantily
furnished room, dimly lighted by candl
end stuck in bottle, down which wer
creeping little rivulets of tallow. In
chair by the side of table sat a youn4
mana poor student, ] should Judge b,
his dress and surroundings. His attitud,
was one of listless abandon. He ha'
slipped down on the chair until his necl
was about on a level with the top OF tn
back; his legs were stretched out witt
the feet wide apart. and only the tips o
his boot heels resting on the floor. Hi
arms dropped straight at his side, witt
The backs of the hands outward. Takel
by itself, the body might have been tina
Of an intensely lazy man stretched on
at his ease. Seen in connection with thu
head, the attitude of the figure was thu
intense personification of utter, hopeless
irremediable despair. The face was ordi
nary and unattractive, with the sickly
pallor and the long hair Struggling oveI
the forehead that often characterizes the
German student.
But the eyes-it was the eyes that told
the story! There was in them a latent
look of fierceness and reckless decision
that smouldered, as it were, behind the
sullen brooding expressed in the concen-
trated pupils and half-closed lids-an alb
stracted gaze that seemed to look at you
without seeing you, that was fixed yet
rowing, that betrayed mind so stupefied
in constant contemplation of one horri-
BILE, absorbing idea that it lost the power
of thinking at all; mass of paradoxes
that conveyed, for all that. but one i'm
pression-utter despair. There was no
need for the artist TO put pistol on the
table; no need for him to add that crump-
led letter just fallen from the listless hands,
no need for him, above all, to print under
meath the whole those two little words,
"Soll ichP" (Shall lP')
The spirit of suicide was in his eyes.
II was almost refinement of morbid
cruelty to throw the agony of pecision on
the spectator. The technique of the pic
ture was very bad. The artistic sense
was shocked almost as much as the emo
tional was reused. But the whole effect
was simply CHASTITY. cannot think of it
even now without reawakening of the
agitation felt when | first saw it by the
unsteady light of my candle.
Great Heavens !" | involuntarily said
aloud. "Was not wretched enough be-
fore this Internal picture and its eternal
"Shall l P"
Startled at the sound of my own voice,
sounding singularly hollow and unnatural,
as if 1t belonged to some one looking over
my shoulder, again looked eagerly about
the room, half expecting to find some
body there. But it was empty and bare.
The man in the picture was the only occu-
pant besides myself. / tried to undress.
1t was no use; could not keep my gaze
off the picture. No matter where stood,
the brooding eyes followed me, inquiring
" now, as If their owner, wearled out,
had lett the decision of his terrible ques-
ton solely to me. | began to be OPP
pressed by the responsibility. | knew
perfectly we'll that my nervousness was
morbid, ridiculous, utterly absurd: yet it
held me none the less for all that found
myself walking up and down the room,
with my eyes on the pictures eyes, put
ting to myself the question. Shall P"
and striving with all the power of my
will to bear down the affirmative answer
that was pepetually struggling to nv lips.
can compare my state to nothing better
than that strange anxiety, which almost
every one has experienced in childhood,
to step only on certain figures of the car
pet, or to avoid treading on the cracks in
the pavement. was afraid to take my
eyes away lest the movement should be
misinterpreted afraid to fix them too
steadily lest the assent | was striving to
keep down should flash into them; afraid
to walk lest the sound of my footsteps
should settle into the refrain. 81 will, |
will, / will |" afraid even to think lest
some slight action might betray my
thoughts, and the fatal signal be given.
And all the time was conscious OF the
absurdity of my position, and could have
struck myself with modification at my
own idiocy. In spite of reason, in spite
shame, in spite of absurdity, l WAS fascin-
ated-spell bound by that same spell
which holds the most rational man in
bondage during the eternal instant that
precedes an expected pistol-shot in the
theatre.
1t cost me an agony to overcome this
feeling and turn away, but at last | sue
ceedcd, and, hastily taking advantage of
my nationality, blew out the light and
threw myself, dressed as | was, on the
bed. had scarcely done 80. when all
my agitation required. My nervousness
became absolutely unbearable. 1t was
better to see the eyes than to imagine
them; better to give the fatal signal my
self than TO lie wide awake in the dark
listening in tremor of suspense for the
decision. Then besides, felt physical
dread that this decision would be follow
ed by precipitation of the picture on
my head. which was lying directly under
it. / reversed the order OF the bed, and
put the pillow where my feet had been.
Still no relief.
THE idea," soliloquized. "of rea-
sonable man being wrought up to such a
state by common picture OF German
sentimentalist, hesitating whether or not
to blow his brains out because his 'Gusta,
has Tilted him, or his tailor has dunned
him for his last suit of clothes !" But it
wouldn't do. tossed feverishIyly back
and forth on the bed. jumped up and
lighted the candle again. must have
understanding to drink. ran to the
washstand. The water-ptcher had not
been filled. l seized the candle and
rushed out of the room. ] remember hur-
rying along the passage. and down two