Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-01-04
Not Simply for Love.

His name was Biles. He dropped in to see
Dr. Cox, and after few remarks about the
weather and the condition of trade, he said ::
doctor, do you think you could get me
up wart for my nose 2"
''Why, really, llr. Biles, that is such an
odd question that =.
''What want is large pink wart, about
the size of marrowfat pea, and growing e>t
of the right side of my nose little above the
edge. Do yon ever grow 'enl for customers? ?"
''I can hardly say that do. Most people
want to get rid of such things, instead of en-
couragins them. What on earth do you want
a Wart on your nose for %
''Well, it's kind of secret. You haven't
got brick anywheres about the office, handy,
have you?'
Il might find one in the yard, maybe
''Well, what'll you charge me for taking
the butt end Of it and knocking out four OF
my front teeth q
MIR. Bies, this is the most extraordinary
conversation ever listened to- What do you
mean? ?"
Il want EN- busted right out, and if you
could give me some medicine that'd cock my
left eye little one side, you'd do me per-
sonal favor"
I'D like to understand what your object
is, first
Il don't care much about letting anybody
into the secret, but ii you'll promise not to
give me away on it, Iii tell YOU You know
the widow Magee? Well, I've been sort of
spooney with her for some time, and when |
proposed to her she fought me off, and
wouldn't tell me why. AT last she said that
she had made up her mind never to marry
any man who was totally unlike Magee-her
first. So gradually drew out of her that old
Magce spOrted Il wart on his nose, and that
one Of his eyes had got kind OF twisted around
trying to look at it. And he had his front
teeth somewhat knocked out by bull trying
to boost him over Il fence. Now, what l
want is to get myself decorated up just like
he was, and if you can accommodate me, you
will confer a favor.
''l'll tell you, though, there's one thing
that I'm worrying myself most to death
about. Old Magee fought in the wars, and
got chopped up good deal, and he used to
wear cork leg Now, lvea notion that the
widow has been limiting arounu for Inc to get
der to disappoint her, I've pretty much come
to the conclusion that if she makes Il stand
on that store leg, I'll give her up if it breaks
my heart. don't mind disfguring my face
little, but man IS always kind of scary
about having his legs sawed Off
"You must love Mrs. Magee very much to
make such sacrifices for her.
".Well, betwixt ourselves-in solemn con-
fidence, mind you--it isn't that l like the
widow 40 much on her account; but to tell
you the truth fair and square, the old man
left her the blamdest lot of farms, and bonds,
and houses, and other property you ever saw;
and it can rake that in by humoring her
about those little physical defects, why I'm
going to do it. What's wart to riches like
that? l pledge you my word that if you
turn me loose among that property, you can
cover my nose so thick with warts that it
looks like caulflower, and I'll never growl
q particle. Now can you fix me up around
the countenance 50 as TO suit the widow"
"Im afraid not, Mr.. Biles"
"Oh, very we'll, then. If it can't be done
it can't. l reckon the best way, anyhow, is
to get some good artist to frescoe wart on
the nose, and to cover up the teeth with black
court plaster. SOS it'll looks if they were out
Then when we're married I'll put them right
again, and the widow may howl all all she's
a mind to-"
And Mr.. Biles left to hunt up reliable
painter.