Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1877-02-07
HUMOROUS.


HUMOROUS.
CHEAP DINNn.-A colored man in
Detroit has sign on his house, which
reads, "Meals for eight cents. y The
sign attracted the attention of hungry
man of color the other day, and he
stepped in and said he would have a
dinner. A slice of bread and bowl OF
water was placed on the table, and he
was told to draw up. "Dat's an eight
cent meal, my friend" 81 isn't pre-
pared to squar' of in front of no such
dinner" growled the stranger, getting
out of doors. ''It isn't no festival, dat $
true," replied the proprietor, "but
when de price is limited down TO eight
cents, you must spec de food will be
limited down TO about two courses.
Oars bread and dar's water, and If you
want to make it ten cents, Pll put on
the pepper-box and a knife and fork. y
HHAvING THE LEAD.-The steamer
Fanny was coming down the upper
Mississippi loaded with pig lead. As
she was going over a shoal place the
pilot gave the signal to heave the lead.
The only man forward was a green
horn. "Why don't you heave the lead 20
sis it the lead, yer honor? Where to?'
ssOyerboard, you blockhead." The man
snatched up one of the pigs OF lead ana
threw il overheard. The mate, in en-
deavoring TO prevent him, lost his
balance and fell into the river. The
captain, running to the deck, asked /:
'.Why don't you heave the lead, and
sing out how much water there is?"
.'The lead is heaved, yer honor, and
the mates gone down to see how much
water there ii"
i HAPPENED to mention that certain
clergyman. a common friend of ours,
was about to be married. "Oh, indeed ~
said my fair young friend. ''How long
has he been a widower ?" "a widower ~
quoth l. ''Why, he has never been
married." "Oh, you are quite mis-
taken, assure you" But, my dear
young lady, knew him at school and
college before you were born; and he
is about, for the first time in his life, to
part with that disgraceful title of
bachelor swell, all 1 can say is,
said the pair of rosy and pouting lips,
''that Mr.. Dash told me. only three
days ago, that he had got a family liriag. +"
TAKE A WALK.-As a couple of ladies
were passing along the street, they
were approached by dandified fellow,
who blandly accosted them by saying:
sits a pleasant evening, ladies'"
The ladies did not reply, and the gen.
tleman ~, nothing daunted, kept pace
with them, and again ventured TO say !:
sit is pleasant evening, ladies, to
take walk"
''Do you really think SOP" asked one
of the fair damsels. with merry twinkle
in her eye.
"Why, of course / do" said the fell
low, smiling his sweetest.
"Well, then, suppose you take one."
A PARTY met at public table. and
the conversation turned on the subject
of transmigration. Mr.. h. was firm
believer in the doctrine, and was ex-
patiating largely upon its points. He
was interrupted by a gentleman with,
''K. what do you suppose yourself to
have been before you were KIP" 81 do
not know" replied H.; 81 might have
been pig, for aught know" "Well,"
rejoined his friend, ''you have not
altered much-only got upon your hind
legs"
GIVE GOT another, my dear" said
Mr.. Dorkins, as he hurried into the
house. ''If you were on the top of
Trinity Church spire on the back of
goose, how would you get DOWN." Mrs.
Dorkins thought she'd jump down.
slide down the lightening-rod; fy down
on the goose, fall down, and then gave
it up. "Why, if you wanted to get
down, you could pick it off the goose"
said Mr.. Dorkins, exultantly.
The Chmchnpqn tells TIE following
story: "A little boy, after hearing at
his own request the history of the flood
for perhaps the twentieth time, sud-
denly inquired: What did Noah do
with the ark after the dry land came
again!' 1T was left on Mount Ararat,'
was the reply. Oh rejOined Johnny.
: | should think Noah would have wanted
to make burnt sacrifice OF it,"
The French census is being taken
again and such dialogues as this are fire.
quent: ''If you please madame, what
is your age?" "Twenty-seven years"
''And the age of mademoiselle your
Twenty years. The
census-takers who are invariably very
polite, always take down such answers
without the slightest objection.
A CERTAIN community resort TO what
they call "cure by criticism" when any
Of their band is sick. They get around
his bed and faithfully tell him all his
faults, as far as known, and this, they
say, "thrOws him into a profuse per-
:piration, usually resulting in a speedy
WHEN Chicago shoemaker sells
young lady of that city a pair of gum
shoes, he makes the bill out in the fol-
owing form: "Io twenty-seven pounds
If India rubber at 81 per h., s27.00.
And even then he feels as if he were on
he very verge of fbankruptcy.-B
Aryus.
Two LITTLE BOYS were met after dark
ly a fellow who demanded their money.
said one of them, 81 have no money"
This might have been a sufficient an
'wer. But the other made assurance !
LOUDLY sure by adding, "And haven't !
my pocket TO put money in"
JOSH BILLINGS says, "The mewl is n |
arger burd than the guse or turkey. Ii |
has two legs TO walk with, and two |
more TO kick with, and it wears its |
wings on the side of its he'd"
a SHARP TALKING lady was reproved |
~ her husband, who requested her to /
;eep her tongue in her mouth. "My |
lear" she said, sits against the law to
AIRY concealed weapons.
A PLAcARD in the window of patent
vendor, in Paris, reads as fol-
ows: "The public are requested not
o mistake this shop for that of another
Iuack just opposite.
CARE dose bells rip OinU for II ra ,''