The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-05-31

A happier man than Mr.. Baringer never
whistled himself home. Everything had
gone we'll with him through the day.
He had worked off q couple of bilious
looking new fifty-cent pieces, that his
clerk had taken in, on . guileless rustic
customer, and then he had charged them
up to the clerk for taking them in. His
lawyer had collected bill of man Mr..
Baringer thought was dead, the Assessor
had made mistake and only assessed his
property at less than one-third its actual
value, and Mr.. Baringer was pretty conf
dent he could get out Of paying the tax al
together, on the ground Of erroneous as
sessment. And then finally, policeman
had shot his neighbor's dog. Everything
conspired 10 make Mr.. Baringer feel hap.
Ply as the heart of spring. He whistled
all the way home, and he trolled q merry
roundelay in deep rich wheelbarrow-
tone as he skipped up the stairs, he
smiled as he entered the hall, and there
the song died away, and the smile went
out of the silent gates of the Was, down
into the echoless aieles of the silent Had
Been, out unto the shoreless sea of the
distant Amt comm Oack again." and
Mr.. Baringer stood transfixed.
"Well," he growled after moment Of
silent reflection and contemplation. eye.
ing the object that had so suddenly
changed his happy mood. "what next, I
wonder? As II there weren't enough
legitimate uses for money to make it 60
faster than any one man can earn 1t,
somebody must 60 and buy scales with it.
What under the sun, what in the name of
common sense, can we or do we want
with grocery scales here? believe in
my sbul, that womsti would buy . coth-
plete set of Fairbanks hay scales if some
peidlcf would come alcng and offer it to
herr
He dashed his hat vici1ds1y ON the hat
rack and climbed modify Oh the scales
to weigh himself.
" Fancy old scales, toe" he said, "car.
peted platform and nickel plated dial in
dictator. wonder If I've gained anything
since last fall:''
But as he stepped his full weight upon
the platform, he was surprised to observe
no change in the dial. The indicator
pointed at "nothing'' as tesOlutely as
though it meant it.
"Huh! exclaimed Mr.. Baringer. In
some amazement. And he bounced him
self lightly on the platform and watched
the indicator with some appearance Of in.
tefest:
But it never took the slightest notice of
him.
Then Mr.. Baringet became excited. He
jumped Up and down on the platform and
surged himself down like tidal wave
but the indicator never smiled, and obsti-
nately indicated the nothing point at ev.
cry effort. Then Baringer got frightened
and q little mad.
"By thunder" he exclaimed, IL know
better than that. know weigh pound,
anyhow. Here" he shouted, nervously,
III see what you mean by this"
And he ran out and brought in an arm.
full of bricks and piled on the platform, and
seated himself on them, but the indicator
remained as steady as though it had been
merely painted on the dial plate. Then he
went out again, with his eyes staring a,
each other across the top of his nose, and
came staggering in with the Ak, the spade
and the lawn mower, and piled them on,
and climbed up and sat down on them,
like Marius among the ruins, and glared
at the indicator with q dreadful expires.
sion of countenance, and the indicator
only seemed to settle a little more firmly
in its place, and that was all. Then he
sailed forth again, and came in with his
hair standing ON end, and brought box
of sand, a coal scuttle, a pair Of dumb
bells, q coil of lead pipe and piece oil
curbstone, and piled them on, and
climbed to the summit of the heap, and
looked. The platform groaned little un.
der the tremendous weight, and the indi.
Gator braced itself up, and indicated that
it wasn't going to bulge under any such
inducements.
Then Mr.. Baringer got mad. He cried
and climbed down to the floor and began
to lombard the thing with the various
articles he had piled on it, and he yelled
and hOwled at it until the racket brought
the servants and the children and Mrs
Bar:nger into the hall.
Erasmus Baringerv" shrieked hi.
wife, "What are you doing? What is the
matter with you:'
"Matter?" he yelled, trying to throw
the lawn-mower at the dial. Doing
'Smatter with me? Ruined! Ruined by
a woman that will buy anything peddle
can bring her. Scales that won't weigh
Lnothingl Scales that wouldn't show al
ounce if you piled mountains on 'em
Scales! A blamed old lying faced fraud
An old piece of iron that would be re
lected at q bankrupt junk shop! Scales
A vile, miserable, fraudulent -"
Mrs. Baringer was down in a corner d
the hall, holding ON to the carpet witt
both hands. screaming with laughter, ant
on the verge of commissions.
"Oh, help! help! help!'' she shrieked
!" Oh! I'm going to die, know I am
Oh, ha, ha. ha! no! no! he! he, he, he
Oh, dear, oh, dear, what fool man is
Oh, mercy, mercy! Oh, Erasmus BARN
ger, you'll be the death of me yet! oh
mercy. mercy! Scala, ha, ha!-les
He, he, he, he! Scales! Oh, help, help
help! Scales! Oh, Erasmus Baringer
Scales! Oh, I'm dying woman! Cam
you stop me, somebody? Scales! oh
you donkey! It's my new health lift!''-
Burlingt0n Hasck. Etc.
A New Tale Of Millions.