, 1877-12-09
DUBIOUS DIVINITY.

ssWill you open the serviccs!" asked the
Deacon Of III oystcrman, who was DOING neat
| the altar. mo-" said he, II have no knife. u
Little Sammy went to church fair, and spent
bis money on chance in rattle. His report on
coming home was thus: "You see something,
aud you give half 4 dollar to get it. Another
fellow always gets 1t, and they don't offer to
| give you your money back"
| Even an cpitaph may By some unforeseen ac-
cident tell the truth. The old French saying.
'sTo lie like a funeral sernon," is not always
applicable. Near Paris leadstone, with this
inscription, startles the visitor: ''Here repose
in peace, after forty years OF married life, Pierre
| Digot aid his wife" The sugyestireness Of
] thlt announcement is alarming.
| It was not u SUCCESS when they took little
5-ycar-old to church for the first time aud told
her that everybody had to be "as still as q
| mouse.'' All was well Until the minister began
to open the services; but then the little maiden,
! shocked ut his want OF propriety in thus break
| ing silence, encrgctically shook her finger ut
| him, saying: ''See here, man, what you make
| all that noise for!''
Archbishop Cullen was making his periodical
| tour OF inspection in the Dublin Sunday-schoo1s.
| 'skate Mo!ony," said he to al iptelligeut-look-
| ing girl, " explain the meaning Of the sacra-
mcut OF holy matrimony." A pause. At last
Kate replied, Please, yer honor, it's the state
OF existence before entering purgatorT.'' Go
cried out the local clergyman, very much
ashamed Of, his pupil But the Archbishop
stopped him. s'Not SO fast, Father Patrick
not SO fast The lass may be right after all.
What do you or know about t!"
\ good story Of the farewell exercises of the
Pan-Prcsbytcrian COUNCIL has just got into
print. The venerable Pastor Fisuh, OF Paris,
las pretty comfortable assurance Of his
ability to use the English language. He took
OCCASION to compliment his dear brethren from
America for their souldness in the faith, aud,
after dwelling little time OH this, be proceeded
10 praise their cloquencc, which he brought out
thus: Sand den dtteF are 20 yarree-Zo-lh-
70 yarrce-zo with French shrug Of tho shoul-
dcrs) 20 yarrec t2lk-a-teeyn' which, OF course,
fairly shook the house, some brethren pEobably
having an impression that the word taken liter
ally would not be altogether out Of the way.
Tic preacher believed be ought not to select
subjec. beforehand; but when lie rose to
sneak aud opened the Bible the first verse that
met his eye must be used. That happened to
be ':The voice OF the turtle shall be heard in
length he said: " Brethcring, at first sight one
would not think there was much 10 this tex';
but on . little consideration you will sec tacrc
is great deal i'll it. Now, you all know what Il
turtle is II you have been along by pond,
you have seen them on log stunning them
selves. Now, it is said The voice Of the turtle
shall be heard IN the land.' But the turtle
hasn't any voice, that ANYBODY ever heard; SO
it must be the noise he makes III p1ungng of
the log into the water. Hence We conclude that
immersion is meant, aud that immersion will
BECOME universal"
A stranger recently located in an eligible pew
in fashionable church in New York, and had
quietly cusconceu himself in wcll-upholstcred
corner which offered all possible facilities for
sound nap, when the owner entered. lie was
alone, and there was room enough aud to spare.
Tor the day rainy and the congregation
sparse. Indignant, however, at the presence the
intruder, the owner waited iinpatlently for the
singing Of the hymn, and then quietly handed
ten Oh the ty-leaf: II pay $500 year for this
pcw'' 1t was n subtle way Of telling the stranger
that the door was Just wide enough for m i'm
mediate exit. He was bit startled at first,
but soon handed the hym1l-book bauk with this
answer; '< Yon pay altogether too much:
why don't you move outa" The result was
that neither OF the eombatant5 was edited by
the sermon.