Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-03-08
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

mexico.
White is the favorite hue in Paris fo
t draperies and trimmings
=" a company TO insure the insurance
companies" is now loudly called for.
!, 1t is "a fair count'' when a proce
counts out thirteen oranges for a dozen.
1T might be well for every man to in
sure his own life. Then he'd know aI
about the assets.
America is a country that likes almost
anything better than outside interference
and suggestions.
The zephyr of early spring caresses
the cheek of the Chicago drummer, but Il
has to lie down and rest several times
| during the operation
/ Blue promotes growth, and that must
have been the reason why old Bluebeard,s
| wife list increased so fast. But the mat.
ter came to q head at last.-Bosto,a Tran.
script
"A New York lawyer says that no man
can make will which can stand an at
tack from another lawyer and two or
three dissatisfied heirs. Let's all die
bankrupt.
| An Eastern jurist notices the impro-
| priety of the phrase "We will ship your
| goods" ETC., when the intention is to
send by railroad, and suggests the substi-
tuition of ''We will car your goods" etc.
-" That don't amount to much -
laughed a Molly Mcguire when his death
warrant was signed. No; one Molly
Mcguire is a mere atom compared to the
number who ought to hang.-Detrost Free
Press.
Two ladies are discussinga third, who
is absent. She is really charming,
said one, and, above all, she has such an
air of intelligence" Yes" answered
the other, but there are no words to that
air. IN. 7. Evening NaSz.
A sweet Louisville poet has armed
himself and is lying in wait for proof
reader. What the poet lately wrote was,
AS lightsome-like she treads the lea. it's
grasses bow and SMILE" and it came out
in the paper, "As lightninglike she
treads the flea, it smashes out its ile"
:" Did I not give you a fogging the
other day?" said schoolmaster to
trembling boy. 'Yes, SIR" answered the
boy. Well, what do the Scriptures saw
upon the subjects" 81 don't know, sir,''
said the boy, except it is in that passage
which says 1t is more blessed to give
than to receive.'"
Old Ben Franklin had level head
for philosopher. A Massachusetts town
was named for him, and then the people
wanted him to give them bell for their
new meeting house. He replied that they
ought to think more of sense than of
sound, and gave them 116 books to serve
as the nucleus of town library. And
Chicago church, the other Sunday, and
while there the choir, in sweetly operate
tones, sung that good old piece:
Jerusalem, my happy home,
Name ever dear to me.
This was what the choir sung, but the
stranger did not know it. To him itsound-
ed more like
Rue slam. map pome, q b
Name yahde tumme.
An inexperienced old fellow picked
up journal the other day containing
chess department He had never seen
anything like the problems before, and
after reading a half column of {" 1t. fir.
Kt. 8 to Q. 2-B. to Kt. ch.-B. P ch.
*. X P. drawn" and so forth, he threw
down the paper with an air of disgust and
the remark: ~ never see such queer poe
try as that-must bin written by crazy
manp'-N0rriSt0aon Herald.
Fashions that would speak for them
selves For grass-widows, lawn for elder
ly women, moire antique: for Democratic
bellies, anything but rep; for women in
clined to badness, mohair; for women
with poodles, muslin; for shippers wives,
alpaca; for the Misses Neverready, de-
1aine; for sailors wives, serge; for dairy
women, calico; for soldiers wives, bonn
bazine; for debtors wives, ticking; for
women with profane husbands, kersey:
for careless servants, crash; for Mrs. Sit
ting Bull, whoop- skirts. ts.-LOuisU5lIe Cour-
e7-J0uTfaGI.
"A pretty widow, whose husband has
been dead several years, received beau
tiful bouquet the other day. The man
that sent it had been flying around her
with an earnestness worthy of a dry goods
clerk, and it was with extra delight he
saw her pass the store that evening with
the bouquet of flowers in hand "Am so
pleased to see you with them," said he
and thousand little Cupids dimpled in
his smile. Yes" she replied, g it was
liked him; I am taking them to his
grave. ."-RaleSgh (N. o. Sentinel.
-" What have I done-oh, what have
done, that this trial should come upon
me?" pleaded Northern Illinois minis
ter as he suddenly dropped upon his
knees in his study-room on recent night
what is it-what is it?" exclaimed his
frightened wife. "See there, wife-see
therei" was his only reply, as he pointed
out of the window. Then she looked, and
beholding hungry-appearing donation
party approaching the house, dropped be-
side her husband. And yet, when the
people came in and appearing upon the
good pair, they imagined that they were
giving thanks for the timely arrival of
friends Chicago Journal.
For some time, clerk in DR. Gatlen's
drugstore at Sutton, young man named
Bergeron, has been amusing himself by
putting explosive chemicals in mortar
and getting the uninitiated to pound them
until an explosion took place. On Thurs
day OF last week he was trying his favor
ite trick on young Frenchman named |
Joseph Longley, who lives near Mawcook, |
whom he favored with a heavier charge !
than usual. When the explosion occurred |
the man was knocked over, while the NOR |
tar was driven through the counter, Sc
riously damaging it, and bottles and glass |
ware also suffered. The man was picked |
up insensible and unable to hear or see,
and very faint hopes are entertained OF |
his recovery. Such tricks cannot be too |
strongly condemned, and, probably, an
example will be made in the case which |
may prove warning TO others.-C0oans-
siMe (P. O. Observer.
Man Who Never Told a Lie,