Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1877-09-15
The HAN Who Talked too Much.

He slipped into an ice cream saloon very
softly, and when the girl asked him what he
wanted, be replied:
"CJrned beef, fried potatoes, pickles and
mince pies. ="
This is not restaurant; this is al ice
cream parlor," she said
Then why do you ask me what wanted
Why didn't you bring on your ice caeam p
She went after it, aud as she returned, be
continued:
' You see my dear girl, You must infer
you must reason 1t isn't likely | would come
iuto an ice cream saloon to buy griudstone is
it? You didn't think | came in here to ask
if you had any baled hay, did you?"
She looked at him in great surprise, and he
went on
"lf owned hardware store, and you
came in, would infer that you wauted some
thing in my line. ! would not step out aud
ask ii you wanted to buy mule, would ?"
She went away highly indignant. An old
lady was devouriug a dish at the next table,
aud the stranger, after watching her for mo-
mcnt. called out:
My dear woman, have you found any
hairs or buttons in your dish?
Mercy, 10 !" she exclaimed, as she wheel
ed around, and dropped her spoon.
"Well, I'm glad OF it" he continued. " II
you fad any just let me know"
She looked q, him for half minute, picked
up the spoon, laid it down again, aud then
rose and lett the room. She must have said
something to the proprietor, for be came run
ming in aud exclaimed
Did you tell that woman that there were
hairs aud buttons in my ice cream ?"
No, sir"
"You didu't?"
No, sir, did not merely requested her
in case she found any such ingredients, 70 in-
form me"
Well, sir, that was mean trick"
My dear sir, said the stranger, smiling
softly, did you expect me to ask the woman
ii she found q crowbar or a sledge-hammer in
her cream? 1t is impossible, sir, for such
articles to be hidden away in such a small
dish"
The proprietor went away growing, and as
the stranger quietly slipped away at his cream,
two young ladies came III, aud sat down near
him aud ordered some cream and cake He
waited until they had eaten little, and then
remarked:
Beg pardon, ladies', but do you observe
anything peculiar in the taste Of this ice
cream ?"
they tasted, smacked their lips, and were
not certain.
Does it taste to You as il plug Of tobac-
CO had fallen into the freezer?" he asked.
"Ah kah !" they exclaimed, aud trying
to spit ont what they had eaten. Both rush
Ell out. aud it wasn't t long before the proprietor
rushed in.
See here, what in blazes are you talking
about 2" be demanded '' What do you mean
by plug tobacco in the freezer ?"
MY kind friend, asked these ladies II this
cream tasted Of plug tobacco. | don't taste
any such taste, aud don't believe you put
BIT Of obacco iu 1t"
Well, you don't want to talk that way
around here" continued the proprietor. my
ice cream is pure, and the man who says II Is
not is a bold liar.
He went away again, and woman with
long neck and a sad face sat down aud said 70
the girl that she would take small dish Of
lemon ice.
1t was brought, and she took abou, ,wo
mouthsful, when the stranger inquired:
Excuse me, madam, but DO you know
how this cream was made-haye you any idea
that they grated turnip aud chalk with the
cream.
She diln't reply. She slowly rose up,
wheeled around and made Tor the door The
stranger followed after and by great good luck
bis coat tail cleared the door an instant too
soon to be struck by a fve-pound box Of figs,
hurled with great force by the indignant pro-
prietor. As he reached the curb-sione be
halted, looked at the door Of the parlor aud
"Ihere are times when people should infer.
and there are times when they shouldn't. /
suppose if bad asked that woman il she
Ii ught they hashed up a saw-mill 10 the
rream, she'd have felt circular saw going
down her throat"