Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1877-04-10

Josh Billings-JOkeng " risky Dr.
ness; lust for the sake oy second class
Joke. menny a man haz lost fust cl ass
friend.
Professor to student, reeiting: Define
a cylinder" Student: "A cylinder Isl
vacuum surrounded by curved sur
face"
Norwich. O., has q street called SHE
tucket." No one can remember who
named the street, or what she did with
il.
A Milwaukee man went TO meeting in
London one evening. and when the cock
news said "'ear ear" he took 1t for per-
sonal allusion, and got out.
A moment Of triumph. Householder
who has Just been shown the best fur
nished room in the house-Ahem' L sup
pose you use this as storage room.
The editor of the Rocky Mountain
Nelns is worth S56O,OOO. and yet he labors
away as if he couldn't afford two calico
shirts. His wealth consists of notes OF
hand from leading Indians.
Child-"Papa, Mr.. Wrinkle that died
went 70 Heaven, didn't he-he taught In In
the Sunday SCHOOL, Papa-"We VIII
drop that subject; Mr.. Wrinkle was presi-
dent Of gas company.
A down East editor says:-"The ladies
spring hats are pretty. and worn on the
upper edge Of the left ear. which makes
one look arch and piquant like chicken
looking through q crack in the fence.
Tyndall's first professional act after his
20
mending the adoption Of glass rockers
for cradles. He attributes the prevalence
Of govt among infants TO loss Of electri-
city.
Every newspaper of any standing has
its item for the Centennial about very old
people. II may be mentioned in this
connection that the Sismese Twins, when
they died. were the Oldest men in the
eountry-sdding EN- up.
He was too solemn; he didn't suit in
Nevada. The chairman Of the farewell
committee expressed it well. Said he
Now, You can git, pard; We amt agln
religion out here, and 1t rifles US 10 see 5
Teller spilin' it. Ctr
A JerSeymsn married FIVE wives, and
they were all red-headed. He explains II
bv relating that the first one clawed the
spirit out Of him so completely that be
didn't care sitter that if he married 8
porcuplne.
That's the Main Building" said
guide az the Centennial 10 a greenhorn
from the Pine Tree State the other day.
"Golly," replied the loyal son Of Maine,
Il knowed our boys would put mp some
thin fine
A disciple Of Coke in Charleston South
Carolina. when asked by brudder" &c
explain the Latin terms de fdcto and de
jrre, replied ~Dry means dat You must
prove d. facts Of de ease 10 De satisfaction
Of de jury.
Maria said the pious husband. them
werked Smiths are allowing their chill
dren 70 play in the yard on Sunday. To-
morrow III sick the dog ontheir chickens.
The Judgment Of Heaven must be visit
ed on EN- in some way.
The last thing out is Centennial hand.
kerchief. II has the Declaration Of indie
peudence printed on II in English, French
and German. so that every patriot can
L4NN us nose on mat NcAru4atcu AAoNA u
ment in three different languages.
ms, does pa kiss the eat2' why no
my son; what in the name Of goodness put
that in Your head?" "Cos when pa came
down stairs this morning h. kissed Sarah
in the hallway, and said: That's better
than kissing that old cat up stairs, amt
II, SARAH
A grumbling car-driver said TO pas
seuCvr You always want me 20 stop
when You get Of NO. sir. said the
passenger who had no jumping notions,
Il don't care what you do only wan,
the ear 20 stop. You can 20 on
You cannot keep me down" shouted
somewhat windy orator AZ public meet
in; though ! may be- pressed below the
waves | rise again; you will find that !
come 10 the surface, gentlemen. Yes,
said an old whaler in the audience. you
come 10 the surface 10 blow
The Spiritualist lecturer who noticed
lady in deep mourning taking her depar-
ture from the hail. protested better than
he knew when he told her that the spirit
Of her husband desired 10 communicate
with her Il know it, said she; hes
waiting AZ the door"
An Nold Baptist minister enforced the
necessity Of differences Of opinion by ar
gument: N ow, if everybody had been Of
my opinion. they would all have wanted
my Old woman" One Of the deacons,
who sat Just behind him. respondedi
Yes; and if everybody was Of my opinion
nobody would have her
A St. Louis commercial traveller has
sued an Indiana hotel keeper for $4,000
damages for not waking him up in time
20 catch a certain train. He must be 8
singular man. Most drummers would
have taken the day 10 60 fishing, and
put down on their not ebCok: Bridges
carried away-couldn't 60 on"
One of the most fearfully and wonder
fully concocted falsehoods we ever read
is told in the 81. Louis Dispatch. which
says that al a recent election in Wyoming
Territory. where woman suffrage prevails,
fellow runninge for town clerk at a re-
cent election bribed eighteen female
voters with single pound of chewing
gum
lows mother ?" asked the Prince of
Wales after he had kissed his wife and
babies all round. The Hempress is
well" replied Alexandra "Hempress
be 'anged,' retorted the Prince. she
ought to ave knocked around linda as
Hi ave and then she might talk about
bein' AemprrSs," and he gave his head a
eontemptuous tOsS.-ChicGgo Times
II is ayerred that Tupfeld Mass. has a
goose lOl wears old. She remembers