The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-02-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

Two PAIR of red stockings formed the
bridal outfit of Washington woman who
was recently married.
He" Whooze sweet?" She-"Boaf
of u.s." He" Whooze plum pudding is
oo?" She" Ooze."
A WOMAN who is too proud to button
her own CATERS is not above studying
contemporary history through key6ole.
"IF there's no moonlight, will you
meet me by gaslight, dearest Julianna2"
asked he. "No, Augustus, I won't; I
am no gas-meter, replied she.
The Rochester Democrat remarks that
"it is not inspiring to hear the man
against the lamp-post remark, Peace
'nearth-g'will to men-whoop ="
The boy who got a red apple and re-
ceipt for a years subscription to the
Sunday-school paper in his stocking
don't take much stock in Christmas.
1T isn't Chinese cheap labor that is 60
ing to ruin us; it's the disposition to
lean up against the sunny side of the
fence and let some other Teller speed the
pillow.
"MAMMA," said the old lady's daugh-
ter, "don't you think that modern table
is out of place in that ancient picture 90
ooh la, no. They had modern tables
in Them days, as we'll as now"
The following notice appears on
wall of q rural postoffice: "Straid or
stole: large Red kow and yaller
specs on her off side is about or 9 years
old and it belongs to widow with short
TAIL"
AN Irish housemaid, boasting of her
industrious habits, said she rose at 4
o'clock, made fire, put on the kettle,
prepared the breakfast, and made up all
the beds before any one in the house
was up.
WHEN young man encircles his part
ner's waist for a dance, he will do wisely
to keep his fingers still. Nothing aggra-
Yates young lady more than to imagine
you are trying to count the whalebones
in her dress.
IT is sad to reflect that the young
woman who was last Christmas working
green bulldog on her Charles Henry's
pink slippers may be working blue
basement to his black pants next Christ
mas. Such is life.
"SMoKY JONES'" known throughout
the Black Hills as vagabond, has be-
come suddenly wealthy by discovering
and selling gold veins. He gained his
nickname by long disuse of soap, and
wealth makes no change in his habits.
GLOVES with twenty-five buttons are
worn for ball toilets in London.
Now, stop that. What are the poor
dressmakers and dry-goods dealers going
to do for living if gloves with twenty
five buttons are worn for ball toilets?
But she quickly replied, did this pert little miss:
You look inky and black, though your head may be
level,
But I'll never consent to be kissed by the devil"
Years passed, and the miss became an old maid
With frizzes and curls, false teeth and pomade.
Then sadly she sought to recall the old issue,
But the printer replied, "The devil won't kiss YOU.
A WEALTHY merchant who had become
bankrupt was met, some time after his
misfortune, by friend, who asked him
how he was getting on. ''Pretty well, %
said he ct am upon my legs again
"How-already?' eyes; I have been
obliged to part with my carriage and
horses, and must now walk"
"LET me see him Let me see him -
The Emperor stopped his carriage, adj
dressed a few kind words to her, then
continued his progress. Then the old
woman flung her hands into the air, and
with all the rapture of pious Simeon,
cried, "Thank heaven! I have seen
him. And now I don't care how soon
he dies
CURIosITIEs never seen-A fence made
from the railing of scolding wife; a
plate of butter from the cream of joke
the small coins in the change of the
moon the original brush used in paint
ing the signs of the times; the hammer
that broke up the meeting; the animal
that drew an inference eggs from nest
of thieves and bucket of water from
"All's WE'LL"
Singular.