The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1877-11-28
From the New York Would
The Carving Of the Turkey.

The near approach of Thanksgiving, with
Christmas close in its train, is apt to inspire
terror not so much In the mind of the foreor-
dained poultry as in the mind of the possibly
foreordained carver thereof. The art of carv.
ing has gone sadly out of date, and nothing
recalls to us the young Squire of Chaucer who
carved before his father at the table or the old
Knight of Shakespeare who was at least neat
and comedy to carve capon and eat it. There
are, OF course, reasons as plenty as blackberries
to ascribe for this. The life of the club, board
ing-house and hotel is so often the life of the
American that he is TO be pardoned for his in
capacity to divide turkey or to distinguish a
leg or shoulder of mutton when served other
wise than in portions. The frying pan has also
borne its part in bunting the fine edge of the
seldom carviug-knife; nation that feeds
mostly on steak can never produce a race Of
caryers. And even among those who might be
expected by reason of leisure and the education
of the stomach, to set an example to their So
cial interiors, the practice prevails of having
the carving done at the sideboard, an unmanly
practice which reduces the part of the dinner to
mere eating, and robs him of the pleasure of
the eye, in admiring the fair proportions and
culinary perI6CtlOD OF bn6 ORA or J0IDt or the
dexterity with which it is resolved into help
ings. The result of all this is that carving has
become one of the lost arts-that a joint at the
average American table has the appearance of
having been hurriedly blown up with nitro
glycerlne and trimmed with dull saw, while
as for poultry, though the kitchen maid usually
endeavors to aid the carver by cooking il to
rags, the carver is too frequently compelled to
recall the fact that fingers we're made before
knives and falling upon the helpless bird to
tear it limb from limb
The average guest at this average dinner is
merely compelled, in the words of Longfel-
low,
'Not to be doing, but to be-"
Thou canst not say did it; never shake
thy CORY locks at me-" he may say to the
twice butchered beef, and he is only passive
accomplice 10 such dislocations and wrenchipg
asunder as were never rivalled in the Inquisi-
ton or the prosecutions of the early Christians.
But about Thanksgiving tide he is only too apt
to be pressed into an active participation in
deeds at the bare thought of which his better
nature revolts. Especially is this the case where
he is engaged or likely to be engaged. His pro
spective father-in-law is sure to fix him with a
glittering carver and Jocularly observe. "Smith
Tor Jones as the case may be) my boy, carve
that turkey Tor those ducks, as the case may
be) You ought to begin now, for the knowl-
edge'll be useful when you go to housekeep-
ing" The victim cannot escape, and repress-
ing an inclination to cut his throat or stab bis
prospective father-in-law to the heart, attacks
the bird with about as much rapture as the
children of Israel did their quails.
Over the dreadful scene that follows let us
draw the kindly table-cloth of oblivion. jor
Lawrence's description in "Brakespeare' of
the tearing in sunder of a traitor by four Nor
man stations, is, in comparison, pleasant read
ing, and the two Great Twin Brethren return.
ing from the Battle by the Lake were not 80
splashed and soaked with gore as are the guests
at the foot of the table with gravy. The napery
is heaped with dressing and soaked with juices
from the overhangiDg slices and joints, for
which, to the inexperienced carver, the lordli-
est dish ever made would be platter far too
small. Into the carver's soul the iron of ig-
nOminy has entered far deeper than his fork
into the breast of the bird with which he is
waging uneqal war; and who shall picture his
agony and abasement when, with a slippery
slide the elastic bird takes wing from off his
platter and stoops upon the lap of richly
attired lady. How rarely does he possess the
presence of mind recorded of Everett, who
when a similar accident occurred during his
consulship, turned forehead of brass and a
cheek like the neither milestone upon the vic
tim and jovially cried: "Miss, Pil trouble you
for that goose!'
The moral of all this is-what? That young
men should learn to carve, as Chaucer's Squire
did, before their fathers at the table; and not to
subject themselves to the fierce light which
beats upon thanksgiving dinner, or forfeit
the respect of their wives by exposing theiI
lncapacity when they come to preside at tables
of their own. Nor should they trust to peril
GUS cramming from cookery books. AS well
might man enter upon a duel with small
swords with no other preparation than the pc.
rusal of a volume on fencing. The good cary
er's woIk need not be altogether mechanical; it
will be all the better If it is informed with and
accompanied by such tender artistic feeling as
that which made Dennis reprehend even with
tears Hugh's clumsy pinioning of old John
Willett, or that manifested by the butcher from
whom was purchased the beefsteak for Ruth
Pinch's immortal pudding, that kindly and ap.
preciative man who said that "meat must be
humored, not drove" But even if he does moi
possess this tender feeling, he may by practice
and care attain to be endured weilder of the
knife. one who will carve his turkey
GAS dish fit for the gods
Not hew him as carcass fit for hounds"