Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-03-01
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

:: The ladies fairly revel in the sweet
buy and buy. esI4s = sl.
"A bitof nonsense-One that will not
check horse. .-.....-
"A cold and coatless man does not
much object to draft if it comes through
the door of bank. -,sf. ssa--s.
=" What did you gete'' she asked, as
be returned from a two days hunt. "'Got
backP' was the cool reply. a- 1
- -" Is your father living ~ :" Yes; but
ne isn't very living He has rheumatism
all over his legs and back" says the art
less child. srF - eeEt ars
Have you enemies? Go straight on,
and mind them not If they block up
your path, walk around them, and do your
duty regardless of their spite. s...
The genius OF the New Orleans Re
publican has observed that the man of
genius cares nothing for money His
creditors are the only persons who make a
disturbance"
ag-Hen-roost robbery has been raised to
of a Maine family, father and three
sons having stolen more than 1900 fowls,
beside other property. .- .-e;.,-.-f
-"There is only one trick I can't stand
in wife" said he, as he came bounding
out of the house. What trick is that ~
demanded an inquisitive neighbor. "The
hys-t'rick!" exclaimed the man, as he
scudded off for doctor. STR ii
When they try man-slayer in Japan
they don't ask: Was there any provo
cation p" or +" Was it self-protection ?" or
even, ''Was it an accident ?'' They only
ask: "Did he kill him ?'' and if he did
off comes the slayer's head 9i5sis"s
"A traveller stepped off train at the
Erie Depot at Rochester, N. Y, and ac-
costing a newsboy, asked: "Sonny, what
is the quickest way to get to the Central
Depot 2" RUM he answered, and set
an example by getting out of the way
pretty fast. f - Js5.s aa.
"A peanut vender, the other afternoon,
when rendered fifty cent note for pint
of his papilionaceous fruit, carefully adj
justed his glasses and closely scrutinized
the note for nearly two minutes. Isn't
it good?" queried the purchaser. "I-
Observation-Disclosures slowly re-
piled the peanut man, "but | thought
maybe it might be one o. them counterfeit
81 900 notes I've read about in the noos-
papers, an I wouldn't like to get stuck
on one o. tQem.H fE-.-a s--sa ssEl
"A Boston correspondent of the Pail
Mall Gazette describes at much length and
minuteness boat-race which hesenjoyed
behind a couple of sperm whales off Lynn,
the whales being harnessed and driven by
a Yankee. The English seem to be much
excited about it, but we assure them it 5 a
very common thing. In Boston, the Sc
verest punishment a father can inf1ict on
II 10 RI &c To hn,.
out to drive her whales down the bay IN
the afternoon.-N. Y. Graphic. a..o
The Norfolk Va.) Landmark tells
this one: " On the night of the first ap-
pearance of Miss Nelson the Grand Duke
Alexis engaged a negro hackman to take
himself and suite to the wharf On reach
ing the stree! at the conclusion of the en-
tertainment, he was approached by the
hackman, who said, Is you de Juke %
On being answered in the affirmative, the
sable Jehu remarked, 'Wel, sar, de car.
riage waitin.'' The Grand Duke was
struck with the simplicity of American
manners" s-l2H3T FL
g The baby has got new tooth, but
the old lady is laid up with a cold in her
head" remarked gentleman yesterday
afternoon to defeated candidate. "What
the dickens do | care ?' was the reply.
"Well," said the gentleman, slowly, +" "be-
fore the election you used to take me to
one side, and ask me how my family was
coming on, and I've been hunting you all
over town to tell you, and that's the way
you talk to me. But it don't make any
difference, voted for the other candidate
anyhow. San A1atonia Herald. asz
"A Cleveland gentleman has invented
safety railway car, the popularity of
which is, that in case of collision, fire,
overturning or accident of any descrip-
ton, the sides, top and ends automatically
open for the egress of passengers The
engineer also has control of the entire ar
rangement, and can open the windows
and doors of the entire train in case of
danger; thus giving passengers an oppor-
tunity of seeking their own safety. A
model of the proposed car is now on ex-
hibition in Cleveland, and the Herald of
that city characterizes the invention as
simple and practicable @--
"A culprit who was brought before a
Burlington Magistrate, the other day, on
charge of beating his wife, pleaded
for indulgence and promised reform, say
ing he did not mean any cruelty to his
wife, but it was only bad habit he had
got into. The Magistrate said he would
cheerfully excuse him, for he knew him
self how strong were the chains of habit,
and the prisoner must not mind it, for he
really didn't mean anything by it, but he
was greatly addicted to the habit of finin
such cases thirty dollars and costs, ang
sending them up for ten days. We ard
all creatures of habit" quoted the Courte
and the committee rose, and shortly after
uard tba bouca oil io.1rp od = p,,,.yso oto,,
Rawk Eye. .1cssHf.]s 3rf
"A few days ago, pet canary bird
owned in a family in East Haven was
found early one morning dead in its cage.
A good many feathers were found scat
tered in the bottom of the cage, and the
body of the bird had suffered Considerable
laceration, as from the teeth of an animal
1t was impossible that the mischief had
been done by a cat, and the following
night mousetrap was set inside the cage.
No catch, however, until the night sue
ceed1ng, when there got into the trap
kangaroo mouse, as somebody named it.
This little animal, which had undoubted-
ly destroyed the canary, is about the size,
OF an ordinary mouse, perhaps not quite
as large. Its front legs are much shorter
than the others, and it has way of sit
ting up like a kangaroo. Its movement is
jump or spring, like that of a kangaroo,
and 1t has spot of white fur on It's breast.
1t is conjectured that the little animal may
have been brought to this country in some
foreign vessel, but the question how it
reached East Haven shore and entered a
dwelling house renders such supposition
hardly reasonable.-Neu Hdcen Journal
8 Dom Pedro gave donkey-driver at
Cairo guinea, and was roundly abused
for his pains. The man had never seen
gold before, and he demanded a silver