The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-09-08
VARIETY.

Nothing so discourages young man at
n;cnic as to fall over log and lose his rear sus-
nender buttons. It's hard work to stick thorns
In place of them
s Please don't shoot the cows is sign on
a farmer's fence near Chicago, intended for city
sportsmen who 60 cut after prairie chickens
The following is literal copy of label
affixed to the cage of some fowls that were ex,
hibited at a poultry show: =" Pare Coach ana
Chinas.''
Teutonic New York lady aUec enpressnent to
horse-car puncher :-.s Mishter Condugdor, Con-
dugdor Ven wants to get oud-dot's Dover
street,
Cinnamon about to testify in court swear not
on the Bible, but on the chicken. There is some
sense in this, for boarding house spring chicken
is as old as the Pentateuch.
a California doctor says that quails are dam
cerous eating, their flesh being liable to cause
Inflammation of the bowels. Give US the quails,
says Blifkins, and let 'em So infame."
It is understood that young married couple
of this city are thinking of naming their hrst
born 80 Nicsic,'' because the little chap needs
reyictualing so often.-[Worcester Press
When Madame MacNIahon says, in reference
to a new polonaise, 81 ,UiH have it, you bald
headed old brute, you!' there generally occurs
change in the cabinet. The poor man must get
even somewhere.
lhe man VINO always speaks tue ITulns may oi-
Joy reputation for honesty, but he Is certain to
get into more trouble than the fellow who don't
tell the truth. But then we could always stand
trouble.
A New York doctor has one hundred human
skulls packed away in q room made for the pur-
nose but he hasn' t the skull of the man who
thinks he can stop runaway horse by throwing
bricks at him.
Miss Haas, the New Jersey actress, claims
kf,oN n 10 har 10 m
abduct her. If the wood cuts Of her are any
where near correct she'd better 60 with the tenth
man and not say word.
Honolulu man who will deliberately go to
work and put drop Of Honolulu Pipe wtaer
under a magnifying glass and then publish the
names of all the animals discovered must drink
hot tea as q thirst quencher.
1t is said that SO the moon has gained about an
inch in ra pidity of motion - within the last hum
dred years. This is no doubt true, for young
men Will tell you that when talking at the gate
with their sWeethearts the moon goes down much
quicker now than it did when they were boys
waiting to rob watermelon patch in the dark.
The siren-yoiced life insurance agent who, in
the piping days of imitation, beguiled his thou
sands, has made his fortune and retired. But
his victims still drudge wearily along on the
tiresome pathway of annual premiums, only
stopping now and then to breathe an inward
Eish that they had his head under their right
arm and his nose IN cnancery
The Christian Advocate says: Give an
oyster Iocomotion and the five senses, and he
might be the rhinoceros of the sea-" He might
be-; but we hope no generous person will give
him up those things. The price OF q half dozen
fried oysters as large as rhinoceros would strike
away beyond the margin of most editors pocket
hooks. And a couple of spoiled oysters of such
dimensions would depopulate town.
Indignant Victim of Misplaced Almsgiving
Recognizing the Belisarius of his Terrace in q
Refreshment room): Eh What-what? You
can see as well as myself! You hypocrite! In
eenious Mendicant See, sir 3? Av course l can,
the Saints be praised Victim; What do you
word % blind?'' Mendicant Och, is it the
dog We name, sir? Sure, and wasn't he sight
less from his birth, and isn't it he that carries
the kyeard.-[Funny Folks.
THE WAR IN DANBURY.-He is vegetable
dealer in Danbury. A lank personage spying
bis exhibit in radishes, asked:
Z" How much be them bunch? ?''
'' Twenty cents
Twenty cents - repeated the citizen in as
tonishment. Twenty cents for little bunch
Ike them. Why, they amt worth ten cents. y
1t was now the vender's to be amazed.
IS What are you talking bout ?'' he demand
ed with asperity. 's 0fferin' ten cents for u
bnneh of radishes y Guess you amt heard of
the war IN Europe, hev yeh p was the sarcastic
inquiry--Ddn6ury NelGs.
Masonic DIscIPLNE.-A lodge in Indiana was
presided over by Master who had an exagger-
ated notion of discipline. One night he met his
lodge as called (not member absenO to instruct
them in the work. Teaching them the use of
The gayel, he had just called them up, when he
leaned too far back, fell against the window he
hind him, fell through to the ground four stories
and broke his neck. Picked up next morning,
be was buried decently, but not mason came to
2he funeral. More strange still, not q mason ap-
peared any more in the village. 1t was inexpcable
Forty women left widows, two hundred and
twenty children left orphans, eighty-four mer-
chants left in the lurch, with unpaid bills.
Twenty years after that somebody went W
into that fourth story, broke open the door, anC
beheld the lodge, a lodge of skeletons Strange
but true they had strictly obeyed the orders o
the W. NJ, and waiting for the knock to sea
them, had starved to death. Each was standing
IN attitude Of respectful attention, looking
g the east,'' and had not plying citizens taker
mem down they would have been standing there
still.