Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-04-20
WHY KITTY DID NOT KILL HERSELF

Miss Kitty Gibson, aged nineteen, eyes
blue, complexion peachy, health perfect,
had made up her mind to die.
The question of a speedy death had been
settled beyond all bubble Of doubt; and it
remains now only for this young lady of sui
cidal proclivities to determine what means
she should employ to consummate her
design. A pistol would be quick and effec-
tive, but there wasn't a pistol in the house.
Poison, particularly strychnine, presented
itself to her mind as a Mecca for all death
coveting maidens; but there was the diff
Guilty of procuring the drug-of reaching
the Mecca. What would Hiram GrlsWold
think If she were to go to the village store
and ask him for an ounce OF strychnine
And would one ounce be enough? She might
hang herself in the barn, but that was
more properly masculine method of self
destruction. She might cut her throat with
Uncle Randolph's razor, but for linger-
ing recollection of the difficulty she had ex-
perienced in sharpening lead-pencils with
that venerable instrument. Besides, such
plan would disfgure her dreadfully, and
she desired, above all things, to be a neat
and comely- looking corpse. There was yet
another way open to her, and that 4 as the
RIVER. This impressed her more favorably
than either pistol Or poison, rape or razor.
Even such sensible heroines as til se who
figure in George Eliot's novels were given
to watery graves, and drowning seemed at
once the simplest. the most agreeable and
most romantic method OF putting an end
| to her burdensome existence. The river it
should be-the broad, swift Connecticut,
which flowed within half mile Of Uncle
! Rand0lph's house, and which seemed at
| that precise moment to Uncle Rahdolph's
pretty niece designed By Providence to af
| ford her a moist and peaceful exit from
this dry and warning world. She would
drown herself just as soon as the ict
melted. And, this weighty question hay
! ing been decided, Miss Kitty Gibson rose
up from her seat, filed the tea kettle with
water and replenished the fire with a stick
! of wood
Except they be insane girls of nineteen
with comfortable homes and good diges-
| tions, do not make up their minds tc
drown themselves without cause. Kitty
Gibson was not insane, but she believed
that circumstances rendered excusable the
step she Was about to take, that is, steL
J into the Connecticut River. Called upo1
to analyZe and explain these circumstances
she would have brought forth as a result
of her selfsearching, first, love unrecipro
Gated; next, pride deeply wounded ant
last. a heart which she believed to be bro
ken so hopeIessly that not even the magic
OF Times cement could mend it. A moptl
before, Kitty Gibson was the happiest a;
well as the prettiest girl in the State Of
Connecticut at least that is what every
body who knew her said, and no doub
that is what Kitty herself thought, al
! though she did not, of course. acknoWl
edge the fact to others. A month before
and she was counting the days until spring
until the dawn of that Eossomy May
when she was to be married. What was
it that had turned the thoughts Of this
young lady from bridal wells to poisons
pistols and other horrible subjects I? Whai
could it be, except a quarrel with Jack
Obviously, nothing! Obviously, Kitty an(
Jack had quarreled.
Now there are Jacks and Jacks in this
world, but, with the single exception Of
Jack Burroughs, Kitty Gibson cared no
thing for the whole pack of Jacks. He wa.
her right bower, with which she fully In
tended to play life's game, and make al
the points desirable. That, at least. hai
been her intention month before. Bu
now-now, alas. she had turned him down
The mustard seed from which had sprung
this many branched tree of misery had ia
ken root at Helen Clapp's party. Indeed
Helen herself might be termed the seed
With Helen, Jack had danced the opening
reel, which everybody knew was shock
ing breach of etiquette. He ought to have
danced with Kitty, with his af1ianceG
bride. Like the spirited young woman she
was, Kitty Gibson punished her lover b,
accepting an invitation to supper from Cy
rus Phelps. Jack was dumbfounded al
this behavior, while Kitty enjoyed her tri
umph, and ate her ice-cream demurely. II
is to be confessed that Cyrus Phelps was
not the most agreeable of companions
that his range of conversation was limited
to the weather and to the condition of the
oats; and that. whenever he attempted to
strike out into broader fields, he lost him
self completely in the marshes of grammar
and the pitfalls of language. Kitty did not
care for this, however. She was watching
out of the corners of her bright eyes, and
~, rrIo oH