The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1877-11-10
An Improbable Sermon.

In TACT, number OF near-Slghte0 ana
weak-eyed young men were of the opin-
ion that her extreme beauty of charac-
ter made her seem really beautiful, pro-
vided one did not examine her in q
strong light. Miss Smith-for it would
hardly be delicate to point her out by
any distinctive name-was learned and
eloquent, at least in the estimation OF
her hearers. Her sermon, entitled
evil there be Daisies in the Future
World" was published last winter in
pamphlet form, and was called by the
local newspapers ga mastery discus
sion of a theme Of transcendent i'm
portance to the inquiring SOUL" Alter
preaching for nearly year, her popu-
larity remained undated, and up to the
first Sunday of last month no one had
foundany fault either with her private
or her ministerial conduct
1t was on the morning of the day just
mentioned that Miss Smith entered the
meeting house while the choir was exc
cutting a most complicated request, in
four parts and a chorus, for the discon-
ISOLATE to come and be cheered up. She
walked gracefully up the aisle, and trip
ped lightly up the pulpit stairs. She
was about half way up the stairs when
the accident happened. Whether it had
been fastened insecurity, or whether the
clasp was defective, the world will
never know. The only thing of which
we can be sure is that it dropped on
precisely the most conspicuous stair of
the whole fight.
1t so happened that the pulpit stairs
were carpeted with costly Brussels, and
that the deacons, being of an economi-
cal turn of mind, had covered the car
pet with light brown floor-cloth which,
through repeated washings, had faded
until it was nearly white. On this light
background the circlet of scarlet glowed
as if it were a band of red-hOt iron,
while the nickel-plated clasp shone and
flashed in the sunbeams. There was
not an eye in the audience that was not
riveted on the pulpit stairs, and thrill of
admiration mingled with horror stimuli
taneously passed through nearly all ex-
cept the very Oldest of the worshipers.
Of course, in itself considered, q bit
of scarlet cloth, whether elastic or nom
elastic, is not necessarily dangerous
thing; but when we consider all the
circumstances of the affair, it must be
admitted that the attention of Miss
Smiths audience was in fair way to
be distracted from the sermon. Two
men were found who were bold enough
to attempt to face the situation. The
Superintendent of the Sunday school, 3
young man who admired Miss Smith,
and regarded Pollok's "Course of
Time" as superior to Paradise Lost"
and was excessively near-sighted, no.
ticed that his revered pastor had drop
ped what he imagined to be Russian
leather purse. He at once rose from
his seat with the intention of picking up
the article, but as he bent down for the
purpose q perceptible shudder passed
through his slight frame. He turned
deadly pale, leaned for moment
against the railing of the stairs, then
pensively went back to his seat and
buried his face in his hands. The senior
Deacon, fancying that the young man
had suddenly been taken i'll, rose up and
in his turn went to the pulpit stairs, but
before he had time to recover the lost
article, his wife, an exceedingly narrow
old lady, with very sharp edges, whis-
pered in q shrill tone, "Deacon Smed-
ley, don't you dare to touch it," and
the good Deacon went meekly back to
his seat. Nothing further was attempt
ed. During the entire services the scar
let and the nickel-plate famed and
giistened, and there were not two per-
sons in the audience who had the least
idea of what the sermon treated. For
the next three or four days the event
was warmly discussed, and SO much in
dignation was expressed by the lady
members of the congregation-some of
them limited that so-called accidents
sometimes happen on purpose, and that
a female minister ought to be ashamed
to set an example of worldly extrava-
gance in dress-that the unfortunate
Miss Smith resigned her pastorate and
shook the dust of Edgarton from her
feet.
OF course, no possible blame can be
attached to Miss Smith, but at the same
time it is evident that the accident
which led to her withdrawal from her
pulpit could never have happened to
masculine minister; for, as a melan-
choly consequence of the fall of Adam,
men have been compelled to wear short
socks. Without enlarging upon pain
full topic, it is sufficient to call attention
to Miss Smiths case as an evidence that
nature has not designed women for the
ministry, and as an illustration of what
may at any time spoil the sermon and
impair the usefulness of the ablest fe-
male minister.
A BosTON drummer, who prides him
self on his charms, forever lost his pride
the other day. He drove his fellow
drummers wild in car by his attentions
to comely maiden, to whom he show
ed his samples and whose hand he
squeezed for half an hour. But when
the train stopped quiet old fellow step
ped forward and thanked him for enter
tanning the girl. remarking, "She is
hopelessly insane, and am taking her
to the State asylum hare.