The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-09-27

PASSING SMILES.
MAID of money-A young heiress.

| nAiD VI money-A young nelreSS.
| EVERY honeymoon has man in it.
EAsroN Free Press: When man
gets so low down that nobody will lie
about him, he had better turn over a
new leaf.
AN editor says that when he was in
prison for hbeling a Justice of the
peace, he was requested by the iailer s to
give the prison puff"
THIRTEEN is an unlucky number Of
persons to have at dinner party
particularly if there is only enough to
60 around comfortably for twelve.
ROME Sentinel: One little grain of
sand in a gooseberry tart may cause a
statesman to abandon for the time his
defense of the best financial theory in
the world.
NEW YORK Commercial: A dispatch
from Columbus, Ohio, says that "Miss
Anna Suydam fell from swing this
morning, breaking a limb" Whose,
hers or the trees?
THE man who comes to the depot two
minutes behind time, and sees the rail-
road train scudding out the other end,
derives no satisfaction or comfort from
the proverb, better late than never"
AN old farmer, ON being asked why
peacock that was strutting through the
yard was like figure 9, couldn't see the
resemblance; but light broke in on him
when he was told that it was nothing
without its tail
THE man has been found who could
do all the business he wanted to without
advertising, and has been compelled to
advertise at last. He lives in Florida,
and his advertisement is headed
"Sherif's Sale.'
1T changes mans name amazingly
to become public singer. By elevation
to baritoneship in the Kellogg Opera
Troupe, plain William Green {" Bill
Green" the boys always called him) is
turned into "Signor Verdi
Boston Herald: A man with a
secret drawer in him must be useful.
The dispatch about the South Carolina
robberies says Ex-Governor Moses de-
posted certain papers in "a secret
drawer of his private Secretary"
BosToN Journal: "Bob, can you tell
me why Pm like the moon when it is
twenty-three days old?'' Bob couldn't
tell, and the questioner explained:
" Because Eve passed my last quarter"
A small loan was advanced Immediately.
"CoME down this minute" said the
boatswain to mischievous son of Erin
who had been idling aloft. "Come
down, 1 say, and ri give you a good
dozen, YOU rascal" "Trot6, sur. am I
wouldn't come down if you would give
me two Dozen"
"BRING on your witnesses" said the
judge in a western murder trial. Clerk
Cooking up and whispering to the
judge: There is a little game of pedro
going on in the other room. Judge:
Sancho ORPHAN Clerk: Sancho. Judge:
This court is adjourned for am hour.
WORCESTER Press: The king of
Sweden has sent to America for a
cabinet organ, but it is understood that
strong efforts will be made to persuade
him to take an accordion instead. No
opportunity to get one of those abomina-
tions out of the country should be
missed.
KEENEBEc Journal: A countryman
recently gazed intently for a few mo-
ments upon the sign of one of our most
popular druggists, which read "-'s
Pharmacy" and exclaimed, "Well, by
gosh, what does - know about farm
ing? Idon't believe he knows as much
as a setting hen"
A PAULDING farmer, having cattle
tresspassing upon his grain fields, posted
up the following: " Notis-If any mans
or woman's cows or oxen gifts in these
here otes his or her tale will be cut off as
the case may be. am Christian an
pay mi taxes, but darn man who lets
his critters run luse, say l."
New YORK Commercial Advertiser:
Preparations are being actively made
for the resumption of fall studies at the
various large universities. Entire new
sets of bats and balls throughout have
been provided at Yale, and Harvard is
reported to have ordered large consign-
ment of euchre decks from a London
dealer.
ONE of the midshipmen from the
Newport, is particularly bashful. On
being introduced to one of the bellies of
the day, he seemed to think it neces-
sary to apologize for so astounding a
piece of presumption, and modestly
stammered: ~ beg your pardon, Miss
-; it is not my fault; but, ah |! the
Captain ordered me to ask you to
dance"
ROCHESTER Dem0cfdt: Let grown
person cry with half the strength,
volume and frequency of a babe and he
would kill himself in twenty-four hours.
Who can explain this isappalling mystery?
THE BABY's THOUGHTS.
What is the little one thinking about?
Very wonderful things no doubt,
Unwritten historyi
Unfathomed mystery!
Yet he laughs and cries and eats and drinks,
And chuPkleS and and mods and wlQkS.
As if his head were full of kinks
And curious riddles any sphinx!
He'll never know
Where the summers go;
He need not laugh for he'll find it so.