Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-11-15

HumOr.
Benjamin Franklin said Avoid al,
arguments at home; ;" but what man
can keep still when his wife saws She
emptied that last pound of tea in with
the pepper.
Yet another warning. Joseph Bates.
of Vermont falls dead while carving in
an armful of wood. Show this para
graph to your wife Nay, cut it out and
pin it to the wood-shed door.
When new girl enters the Wellesley
Mass. Seminary the other girls kiss
her and give her a bouquet.-Er. One
girl kissing another IS good deal like
eating maple syrup on ice cream.
Never put off until tomorrow what
can be done to-day" Is what the bow
SAID to his mother, when she would not
let HIM eat the pound cake for sumner
that she had baked for dinner the next
day
The papers relate an anecdote of
beautiful young lady, who had become
blind, having recovered her sight after
marriage. 1t is no uncommon thing
for peoples eyes to be opened after
matrimOny.
A Jersey boy of seven years was play
ing on the floor, when he suddenly
said, Ma, what is French for king and
queen?'' "Why, roi and roine7 nv
child" Well, ma, what is French for
the jack?"
Observing boy. INA, Aunt Dora has
been eating honey" Astonished moth
er-" How do you know, My dear?"
| Son." Cause | heard Mr.. Smith say
he wanted to sip the honey from her
lips"
| A young lady, in conversation with
gentleman, spoke of having resided in
st. Louis. WAS ST. Louis your native
placer" asked the gentleman. "Wen,
yes, part of the time" responded the
lady.
1t is proof of the singular opera
ton of the uman mind" says a mental
| phllOsophe- . that when two men acct
| dentally exchange hats, the one who
gets the worst Is always the first to dis
cover the mistake"
Landlady, Ito boarder who has passed
| his cup six times) "You are very fond
of coffee, Mr.. Smith" Mr.. Smith
Yes, ma am, it looks as if was, when
am willing to swallow so much water
for the sake of getting little"
Mr.. Pumpkin has brought a libel
suit against the Cleveland Leader. We
move the Indictment be squashed.-
Boston Post Or that Mr. Pumpkin will
be knocked into pie, which will make
him crusty, you know.
A bashful young man applied to his
village paper for information on the
An,-tn ( II
woman's love-" The reply was: " Kiss
the babies, caress the tomcat, and pay
strict attention to the old lady"
| For a congress which was convened
specially to consider appropriations for
| the army, the present one isn't, strictly
speaking, success. 1t reminds us of
the Georgia camp-meeting when the
members assembled to glorify God, and
then went to picking huckleberries.
The leaves are turning slowly yellow;
their summer hue is hence the ripen-
ing fruit is on the mellow; the small
boy on the fence. He looks around
| he views the ground, and thinks the
moment suits he fills his pockets full
and round, then jumps the fence and
scoots.
Ashland (Ky.) Remeso: While the
noble Kentuckian sits on dry goods
box wearing out the breeches his
C folks " have given him, and swear
ing at Providence, the West Virginian
rides by on a new railroad, smiling and
remarking softly, "Damfno whether
Kentucky is a graveyard or a common
wealth"
AT Persian .dinner-party charm
ing hostess privately apologized to one
of her guests for the unbecoming dress
of one of the ladies present, whose
corsage was cut in highly indiscreet
fashion. The general responded gay
ly, ooh, never mind, madam We
soldiers have often seen ladies dressed
in that style-in Africa"
An elegant yonng woman entered
druggists shop in New York, and
asked for dose of castor-oil. "By all
means" said the chemist VIII you
have Il little cream-soda ' With
pleasure y replied the young lady She
mad it. After pause" Where's that
ere castor@' "Why, you've had it !"
answered the druggist "But look
here" cried the young lady" wanted
it for my motherp'