Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-01-29

The wicked, who can stand on slip
perry places, are the most enviable peo-
pie out.
An Easton (Pa) man has patented
mOney-drawer, but failed to obtain
patent for filling it.
A monkey that can say papa"
mamma" and Brazil" is going to the
Paris Exposition to vendicate Darwin.
A compositor, setting up Will Garlic
tons "0ut of the Old House, Nancy"
made it read "Oats for that Old Horse
Nancy"
The times are so hard that an Irish
man says he has parted with all his ele-
CANT wardrobe except the arm holes OF
an waistcoat.
A young lady sent poem to paper,
entitled, 81 Cannot Make Him Smile"
The editor thinks she could if she had
sent him the poem.
The man with an Ulster, pair of
boots and shirt collar can wear other
clothes, but they are not absolutely nec-
essary.-NorristoaCn Herald.
He asked her how SIZE felt. and she
answered, Happy. happy-oh, so very
happy" She had begun the year with a
new set of teeth.-Brooklyn argus.
At fair, in Fall River, a saw and
saw-horse awarded to the LATEST man in
town, were given back by the recipient,
who declared himself too lazy to carry
them home.
A Scotchman asked an Irishman,
"why were half farthings coined in Eng
land % Pats answer was, ITO give
Scotchmen an opportunity of subscrIb-
ing to charitable institutions" d"
He was we'll meaning man, but they
had been married a long while, and
when he playfully asked her what was
next to nothing, she sarcastically an
swered that at this season of the year
she thought his winter fannels were.
Sympathizing stranger-"Bless me
How did you manage to fall like that
sir p lrritated Equestrian (who has
come to grieG-"COnfound it, couldn't
remain hanging in the air after the
horse runs away from me-could l p
Conversation of street boys, both less
than ten years old. First boy: "Wher
! ketch Jim, I'd lick him, you bet ,
. Second boy: when l was little l useC
to like to fight like everything, but now
l don't care nothing about it."
A Florada woman, thinking "Neu
ralgia"-which she found on q medicin,
: bottle-was a pretty name, gave it tt
her little girl, thus forever becloudin.
her matrimonial prospects, for VIII,
) would want to have Neuralgia all tn,
time. Her only hope is in her las
name-Dimple.
Jim, de men don't make such fool
OBJ themselves about women as womel
do about men. If dey look at de moon
o dey see a man in it; if dey hear
mouse nibblin,' it's man; and dey al
look under dc bed last thing at night
find man. Why, nebber looks uu
O. der my bed to find woman, duz you :?
! "a kiss" says a writer, ''is a sea
| NABlCooluE d
= = pledge of future union-a present tax
ing the impression on an ivory cora
press-crimson balsam for love-wounde
hearts," We had no idea that kiss
when dissected, would prove such a sin
pie thing. Imagine a young man, a
he bids his girl adieu on the front ste
at o'clock a. m. on Monday, dar
ing back, as she is about to close th
! door, to snatch some crimson balsal
81 for love-wounded heart" And gil
might ask her lover for some of ths
balsam right before the old folks, an
they would think it was a new kind
gum drop.
>, A German farmer living near d.
Moines, Iowa, had his barn insured fC
$500, which was $500 more than it W;
worth. Not long ago it was burne'
and he demanded the full amount of Il
policy. The company offered to sett
with him for 5000, and on receiving
refusal built new barn for him.
week ago life insurance agent callt
= upon him and urged him to have h
N wife's life insured. The farmer us,
the logic of analogy. IL had my baI
insured for five hundred tollars, vi
when it burned down they pay me
'ed FIVE hundred tollars, build me new bar
all Now | get my frOu insured for on to
sund tollars and she die. Den you gi
'no me no tousan tollars. but make me Ia
am another old Dutch women. OATS VIII
I'VE you make me do. L don't want my fir
os2 insured"