Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1877-02-22
An,,1orpns 9tpart,ntnt.
TESTING HER AFFECTIONS.

Mr.. Thorpe is q middle-aged widower, and
some time ago he paid his. addresses to Mrs.
Bolts, widow on the shady side of forty.
Thorpe is rich, and after the widow accepted
him, he began to fear that maybe she had
taken him for his money, and so be concluded
to test her to ascertain if she really loved
him for himself alone. So one evening, when
they we're sitting together in the parlor, he
said to her: =.
"Hannah, I've something unpleasant to tell
you, but I am going to do it because con-
slider it right that you should know it. Han
nah, what would you say if I informed you
that one of my kneepans was gone, and that
have q patent hinge on that legp' ",ts, ae,
81 should say that cared nothing for that,
my dear. / have only one toe on my left
foot. The others were frostbitten of, and the
ankle is all twisted around crooked"
"You don't tell me r. said Thorpe. "Well,
but I've something worse than that. might
as we'll confess now that the bald place on top
of8my head is not really my scalp, I've been
trepanned. I have q silver-plated concern
set into my skull, a kind of sky-light. You
can lift it up and see down on the inside of
me"
"I'm glad you mentioned it, dear" said the
widow, "for it gives me courage to tell you
that haven't hair of my own on my head.
I'm bald as a chandelier globe"
"Is that so2 Gracious! I never should
have expected it. But you will be surprised
to learn that none of my teeth are natural.
All false, and besides that, I have to wear an
India rubber thing-amagig on my palate to
boon ~ from dronniDp down"
"I'm very sorry for you, John, but it's
some comfort that all my teeth are false too,
and that am perfectly blind in my right eye
1t looks like good eye, but it absolutely
amt worth cent" ..,......
"Great Heavensl Why didn't you tell me
of this before ?" exclaimed Thorpe. "But
while we are on this subject, I will say further
that have chronic torpidity of the liver, and
that my breast-bone is disjointed so that it
sticks out like chickens. How does that
strike your"
20, 1 don't mind it," said Mrs. Bolts, "be-
cause have been bilious and dyspepticy for
twenty years I have ven on the back of
my neck, and besides ! am one rib short. 1t
was broken in a railroad accident, and the
doctor had to cut it out. I'm sub ject to fits,
too" .'''
"This is horrible" said Thorpe. "Mrs.
Bolts, think you ought to have mentioned
these things to me when proposed to you.
imagined that was addressing woman,
complete human creature. But what are you,
Mrs. Bolts, you appear to me to be kind Of
a dilapidated old wreck, with not more'n half
of the usual machinery about you. It's q
wonder to me you don't fall to pieces"
81 am no more than you are. You said
yourself that you have trap-door in the top
of your head and gum.elastic palate, and
don't know but what you have to wind your
self up with key at night when you 60 to
bed,@ to keep yourself running until the next
morning" -.,...,
"Yes, but these things amt true" said
Thorpe. II only told you about them to see
if you really loyed me. I'm as sound as
dollar; no inactive liver, or silver-plated
skull, or any thing. But you seem to be kind
of strung together, SOS if you should knock
against any thing you'd scatter all around
over the carpet. I think you ought to let
me of" SIS
every we'll, sir, so will. But let me tell
You that I've got nothing the matter with
me either. I only invented those stories to
try you, because knew you we're playing a
game on me. Now I know you don't love
me. You can 60, SIR
"Hannah, take it all back. I do love
you"
"Do you, really? Then I love you more
than"
But no; the curtain had better be drawn
right here. The cold and selfish world has
no business with such scenes as this. They
are to be consolidated early next month.