The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1877-10-05
FACT, FANCY AND FUN.
Gems From the Quarry Of Journal
ISM

ISM
If you don't want to be robbed of
your good name, do not have it painted
on your umbrella.
THE GraDhic knows of man who Is
painfully honest" 1t probably hurts
him to do the fair thing, eh2
The Indian summer is at hand, and
perhaps by and by Gen. Howard may
see an Indian fall.-Com. Bulletin.
fl man can shoot at target better
when tied up in knot, why can't law
yers talk better when standing on their
heads2
EIGHTY-FoUR jokes about Brigham
Young's widows thus far. Keep it up,
boys-thst's only two and half piece
for them.
WHAT the nilkmsn said when they
found fish in the tactical huid-."Good
heavensl the brindle COW has been in
swimming again.
IT's all right to begin an article with
John Doe was the founder of the
Bank" but let it end with the arrest OF
Lub Illdu ~ SLOlO
SAID an Arkansas coroner's jury ::
ave find that the deceased came TO his
desth by Jim Blsrkin's bowie knife
having incidentally touched vital
part
A FRENCH paper says a woman COM
mltted suicide in police cell by swallow
ing her rings. 1t is evidently cell
tins story OF woman committing sui
eide by swallowing herrings.- Chicago
Times
AN exchange well says; A great
many people have way OF sneeringly
alluding to scissors editors" They
should remember it takes some skill to
use scissors well-especially if they are
dull.
GLASS slippers have been produced at
Vienna. Many man when he reads
this will recall the days OF his boyhood,
whea he would have escaped many q
bodily smart had glass slippers been in
vogue.
THERE is something soothing and de-
lightful in the recollection OF pure
minded woman's affection; it is the oasis
in the desert OF worldly mans lite, to
which ms feelings turn for retreshment,
when wearied with the unhsllowed pas
sions of this work-a-day world.
"WHATl said the ancient Dutchmsn
0, the Mohawk valley, when asked to
contribute to new lightning-rod for the
church. "You dink de Lord dunder His
own house DOWN." And SO sayeth
Bishop Coke in view of recent Russian
reverses.- Rochester Democrat.
If the men who stesr their-udder of
the Indian snip of state took calf the
pans to capture SUCH cattle rs Sitting
Bull, as they are undertaking to make
him return TO MS great fodder. just think
cow easy they could heiter rested him
beef-ore now Whitehall Times.
They tell us that n horse can only
pull his own weight. How is 1t then
That hornet, only weighing six ounces,
can draw lump weighing about pound
and a halt on the surface of the most OBJ
stinate man that ever screamed for CAM
phor2- Church URion.
A PATENT hop-plcker has MADE us ap-
pesrance in Madison county, but as we
understand it, you can't snoozle around
it day times and eaptale kiss from 1t on
the sly or 80 TO dance with 1t In
the evening, so what's the uss in en-.
couraging its manufactured Fulton
Times.
"WHAr," asked q youth timid-
ly of al eminent philolo,
gist, "what. sir, is the mean.
ing of this phrase: 'Modus opersndiF
and the great gnguist, whose mind was
saturated with She literature of ancient
Greece and Rome, replied: at is Latin
for How the old thing works. "
AN Observation-Disclosures went to see 8
man whose house had been destroyed by
fire. Said AdjuSter: Chow did the
thing happen2' House owner: Don
know-its u mystery" Adjuster "Well
know" House owner: "Lets have 1t
that's Just what III like to find out" Ad
ulster: "Its friction House owner
INSTRUMENTATION? What's that2'
Adiuster: "Why, friction is the re
suit of rubbing a $1,000 policy on {
5000 house Northampton Mass Ga