The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-12-08
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
We pass through this world but once. Any
GOOD thing, therefore, that we can do, and an,
Kindness we can show to our fellow-beings, lie
us do it now Let us not defer or neglect it
for we shall not pass this way again
Claiborne jackson, once Governor of Missouri
married five sisters. When he went to ask fol
the last one his father-in-law said, " Yes, Claib
you may have her. You have had 'em all
For goodness sake, don't ask me for the ole
woman 10
A religious old lady, when asked her opinion
of church organ, the first time she had seen
OF heard one, said IS It's vera bonny kist
fl O. whistles but oh, sirs, it's an awful way
Of spending the Sabbath day"
Here are definitions of Faith, Hope and Love /;
are they not worth remembering?
To look look forward, , ard and and n not anS back
The Fenian movement has broken out again
Al PhiladeIphia perfumer has just put upon the
market a new kind of pomade, which is said to
be the strongest head-scenter that has yet been
brought out.
Mr. Longfellow once received an epistle, re-
ouesting him to compose an aerostlc, the nrst
letters of which should spell My sweet girl. :"
The applicant added I" Write as if it were some
beautiful girl with whom you were in Love
iust as if it were yourself" AT the foot of the
bfter were the words. '' Send bill.
1rhe Norwich Bulletin rises to the remark that
the growing custom of putting the choir at the
pulpit end of the church has the very serious
drawback that it prevent e. man from turning
around and looking up at the organ IN a critical
manner Just before the contribution box ap-
proaches his pew.
A cynical person explains :-'' People do not
look with that awe and yeneration on public
men that they did in Clay's and Websters days,
because the Internal newspapers are constantly
prying into and publishing their weaknesses,
and people have come to think that great man
il very little thing, and very much like ordi-
nary people
Burlington RdlUkeye: A medium in Wisconsin
reeently had a long interview with the late Presi-
dent Lincoln, in the course of which Mr. Lincoln
stated positively that he knew Tilden was fairly
elected. That always the way with Mr..
lincoln when he was alive never a bit par
tcular about who he talked to, and always full
Of his jokes.
Boston Advertiser: Z" Mamma" said little
fse-year-old, Z" what is a window and what is a
Widower. ?'' The mother explained to the little
allow, and, by way of further explanation,
aid 90 If you should grow up and get married,
and your wife should die, why, then you would
be widower." ''Oh no; | wouldn't says
Fact 1t occurred in New Bedford.
Austin ReUeiAe In Main-street saloon, last
evening, We overheard miner telling one of his
friends that his wages had an ornament on them
' Hows that?' asked the friend. IS Well,
you see," replied the miner, {" fellow owned
little money to put garnishment on my
wages, and looked in the dictionary and found
that the definition of punishment is an orna-
ment or ornamentation."
New York Commercial Advertiser If old
Noah, from the summit of Mt. Ararat, could
have looked out upon the future and seen his
remote descendants moving each other down
With grape and sabre on the plains below, he
might have been tempted to throw away the
olive branch that the dove brought him, lock
The doors of the ark on the inside, sling away
he key, and tell his family that they might
letter all stay in there and starve to death to-
aether.
81 met a Highlander said Sir Daniel
1iacree, '' who had settled the question of Sab
bath-breakng at very fine point. l was fish
ing on Scotch loch with party. Among our
Froyisions was ham. On Sunday asked the
i1n-keeper to cut it in two one-half for boiling
70 carry with u.s. the other for grillino. In eat
indoors Jamie produced knife, But then
bethought himself that knife would not cut
through the bone. Have you not got n saw9"
sAye?,' he replied, but dinna ye kin it's the
Sabbath 1 would na like to use a saw on the
Sabbathi = -
The Boston Post has the hardihood to print
this: An honorable gentleman, formerly men,
ber of Congress from the State of Maine, writes
10 US as follows: '' have no prejudices to pre-
Sent my favoring any new scheme which would
work an improvement on the existing system
Ct taxation, which in practice in this State has
hecome a contemplate farce. If any thing in
mis- world is calculated to make one believe in
sotal depravity it is the selfshness, meanness
ne twstings, turnings, equivocation and lies
q a New Zealand Yankee with reference to his
mxes, even though he may have passed through
ne stralner of Orthodox, Baptist or Methodist
nsival.''
WONAN's CURIosITY.-A man was Yesterday
pushing lawnroller around a yard on Wood
ward Avenue, when an old lady came along
leaned up against the fence and watched him
sor while, and then called out:
around for ?' ''''''
To roll the lawn he answered
What do want to roll the lawn for ?''
"To make it level
What do you want to make it leval for 20
NE continued.
I" That's what was ordered to do he ans
Hered, as he wiped away the perspiration.
But what did they order you to do it for ?''
Why they think smooth lawn looks the
best, suppose
Why, do you think smooth lawn looks the
bestf" she persisted.
al haven't time to talk" he said, as he
started up again.
Why haven't you time to talk p she
shouted.
I" Con ask the boss - he yelled
Why shall 1 go'n ask the boss?'' she
sereamed.
He disappeared behind the house to get rid
q her, and after waiting five minutes for him
2 reappear she slowly sauntered of, Duttering !:
Some folks are so smart and stuck up that
u can't get within a mile of 'em onless you
aze all over With diamonds