Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1877-11-14
ABOUT JOHNSON.

KY. JOhnson's head was never very
strong, and after he had emptied it o1
his weak political belief, the whisky
went to it % naturally Us air into Z
vacuum, and by IL O'Clock had to
turn him out. He had to walk about
three miles to get home, aud away he
started. But it so happened that 1
had put him out at the back door, and
instead Of setting out along the high
way, fs he supposed he was doing, he
started hopefully forward in an old
race-course, about half . mile in cir
cult, belonging to the County Agri-
cultural Society, the track being of
white gravel, and showing very dis
tinctly in the darkness. II was very
narrow track, just wide enough for
one horse and trotting wagon; but
quite ample for the purpose, there
never having been more than one
horse entered since the society was
organized; and until that one should
die, the Directors thought it useless
to provide accommodation for COM
peting animals.
When johnson, who was short
sighted, Was well ON his way, l put
ON my overcoat and . slouch hat, and
running briskly across to the opposite
side of the track lay down at full
length across 1t, buried my face in my
arms, and awaited his arrival. He
was . long time coming, but present
ly heard him shuffling up to me,
breathing very hard, and in moment
more he struck his foot against me,
and tumbled over me headiong. He
did not get upon his feet directly, but
rose to . sitting posture and felt about
for his hat. Putting this on his head
he turned his face toward mel was
watching him under one ARMAND
said, "GOod evening"" very low and
cautiously, as If he thought I might
be log Of wood, and did not like to
make himself ridiculous. Seeing I
did not move, and getting no answer,
he reached out one hand, and by mere
chance laid it on my uppermost car,
which was rather cold for that time
Of the year. lie did not withdraw
the hand all at once, but with studied
deliberation, as the supposed truth
penetrated him by degrees. But once
Withdrawn it was not put back, and
with slow precision, so as not to waste
q single movement in experiment, Mr..
johnson erected himself and moved
off, whistling the "Star Spanglcd Ban
ner" with considerable spirit, but
without much spontancity or natur-
alness, and not turning to look behind
him.
When the gloom had swallowed
him L owncn with ROOD 1ool ~ N In n
rity for corpse, and cutting across
the circlc SO as to head him of, lay
down again as before. l soon heard
his familiar shuttle, but by this time
his apprehension seemed to have been
somewhat dispelled by persistent
whistling, and this had naturally rip
ened into song, the s'Star Spanglcd
Banner" being still his theme. Then
he stumbled against me as before, and
pitched himself prone upon the gray
ell. This time he got up directly he
could pull in his outlying members,
gave me one hssty glance, and with
the simple remark, "Well, I never ~
took to his heels as hard as ever he
could hook it.
Again stepped across to the other
side and spread myself out, this time
on my back. had not much time to
compose myself before I heard his
boots making it merry for the loose
gravel in his course. The "Star Span
gled Banner" had ceased to wave, and
Mr.. johnson was unmistakably in full
retreat. He stuck his toe into my
ribs with terrific force, and came
down full fathom beyond me with
slap like that of q flat-fish falling on
q wet rock-and there he lay until
had began to hope he had broken his
neck. But it was not SO ; in minute
or two he rolled quietly upon his
back, drew up his knees, put both
hands under his head, and looked as
if he needed only cigar to make him
thoroughly comfortable. Then he
spoke:
"Johnson," said he, "Bunwell john
son, this rather beats anything you've
ever experienced, so far as you know.
You never saw as many dead men
on this road in all your life, Mr..
johnson and you can't be more than
half way home yet, either. It's no
use to go corpsing any more tonight,
johnson; you have got as many as
you have any present use for, aud
with what few Mrs. johnson may
have taken in at home you ought to
be able to get through the winter
without buying. You should not let
your cupidity overwhelm your dis
cretion, johnson, and make a regular
night Of this, or tomorrow, when
you come to gather up the bodies you
have selected and laid aside, you will
have to borrow another wagon
Better try to get some Sleep"
In . moment more johnson had got
upon his legs and was looking uneas-
lily in my direction. After some hesi-
tation he approached, and taking out
his handkerchief spread it reverently
over my face, and resuming his pros
trate attitude was soon snoring like =
trombone.