The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1877-03-01
Mr.. Middlerib Tries the skates.
Burlington Hawk-Eye,

let every gray hair, as fast as it came
into his head, cut of some remnant of
his bOyish ways and boyish happiness,
until he became mere shadow OF his
real natural SELF Mr.. Middlerib liked to
see boyish old men for his part. 1t looked
natural and healthful.
Mrs. Middlerib said yes, but when a
man hadn't as much hair on his head as
would stuff pin.cushion, she thought
he was about old enough to behave more
like a man than a schoolboy, and she
dropped halfration of sugar and
Middlerib's second cup of coffee, while |
she mentally wondered what tomfoolery |
that man was up to now.
The fact was, Mr.. Middlerib, infatuated
by an artistic display he had witnessed
at the rink a few evenings previously,
had made up his mind to try to turn on
the roller-skates.
There was some little difficulty expert
enced when Mr.. Middlerib presented
himself at the rink aud called for the
necessary paraphernalia in finding pair
of skates that would accommodate him.
He had been, afflicted for years past with
tender feet, and has dealt most tenderly
with the active "reminiscences of youth
full corns and bunions, and the distorted
remembrances of the tight boots of his
callow days, by wearing the largest and
softest socks and the rOomiest boots that
could be had for money. Consequently,
when he asked for skates, the man
thought he must mean q pair of skids.
But they found pair that could be
persuaded to do, and, although Mr.. Mid
dlerib could not see them when they
were on his feet, he accepted the state
ment of the artist that they were just
snug fit, and stood up-temporarily.
He had fallen with such amazing
celebrity and promptness that he couldn't
for the life of him see that it changed the
slippery skate of his boyhood particle
to take off the blade and put on wheels.
He felt around for his hat, which had
iolted up off his head like rocket and
lodged in the chandelier; and, when
they fished it down and handed it to him,
he felt around for his head, which
seemed to have gone story and half
higher than the hat. But it was in its
usual place, and he tenderly covered it
with his hat, pulling the head-piece
clear down over his ears, to avoid the
danger of jolting it up through the ven
tilator in the ceiling. Then he got up
very slowly and with alarming caution.
He held on to post with one hand and
|. man with the other, and Strengthened
up by degrees, as boy hiding behind
} the woodpile rises to see if his father is
coming. When he stood up at last, and
looked down at the floor, Mr.. Middlerib
was amazed to see how far away it was.
1t didn't seem as though he could stand
on one foot and reach down to it with
the other.
| If his knees would only quit wobbling,
he said, he could strike out and get
, around with any of them. The man who
3 steadied him told him they wouldn't
wobble after he got !tarted. Mr.. Mid
Q dlerib's confidence III the steadiness OF
9 the roler-skate, however, had been
! sadly shaken since he got his foot on it
! and it required great deal Of persuasion
: on tho part of Mr.. Maxwell, and great
: deal of exhibition and poetic skating OF
: the part of the expositOry artist, to in
Q duce him to strike out. But he struci
;, out at last, with both feet East by nortl
5 with the left foot, or kind of up towarc
o the Cedar Rapids Depot and sOutheas
9 by south, or in the general direction o
/ Diskie's mill and Prospect Bluffs, with
the other. His feelings were terrible
Each foot went further than the other
and gained in speed at every revolution
of the little wheels. Ii Mr.. Middlerib
$ legs had been longer, he would hav,
u skated farther, and faster, and in more
q widely-diverging directions. As it was
/ Just before he tore himself in two, one o
IS his feet struck bench, and the other {
} good but PROSTATE young man, who had
e If Mr.. Middlerib could Judge by tn,
,, crash which accompanied his arrival
e just fallen from the moon. Strong hands
/, sustained MIR. Middlerib, and assistsC
u him to pull himself together again; fo
g the owner of the building had just in
e formed the proprietor of the rink that i
II Mr.. Middlerib fell again he would rails,
+ the rent. Mr.. Middlerib sighed heavily
l. and said it was dreadful feeling to fee
y yourself secedipg-fsirly disintegrating
l. as it were, and no constitutional obstruc
tions to check the proceedings. He had
e however, he said, rather got the hang o
r, it, and thought he would do very well
q If the man, he said, would only give hin
n helping shove to start him. And tn
e man kindly gave him helping show
8 and started him. And now Mr.. Middle
i rib started off down the rink like a land
n slide on legs.
o He had not got twenty feet away from
s the man before he made the appalling
y discovery that his feet were moving fol-
e ward at much greater rate than hi
n body. He thought that maybe he wa
3, making steam too fast, and according,
70 he shut off and held his feet close to
'e gether, but they held the start the,
2, gained, and even kept on increasing ii
q Mr.. Middlerib knew that this could no
last long; he knew that matters woul'
be brought TO a crisis very soon; and b
e saw disaster staring him in the face if h
d didn't manage TO catch up with his fee
. very Immediately. He remembered HOY
l. he used to stop himself when he was
4 boy, and, raising his toes, he essayed to di
50 his heels in the floor.
8, He came great deal nearer, so tn
'e people said who saw him 60 down, dig
a cling his toes into the ceiling. But he du
70 something into the floor with suficien
4, vehemence to enable him to "slow up
"a before he went through the end of tn
Il building. He said, when they set him u
& and let him lean against the peIforate
Is end Of the arnica bottle, that the ice q
u his childhood, as he remembered it, wa
y less addicted to shvers than the rink sui
IN face, and, when man fell on it, he sli
10 far enough to break the force of the fal
a. He then asked for pair of skates wit
1T airbrakes, and, on being informed tina
g. there were none in the market, he sal
K he would take pair with the old fash
e. toned hand brakes, and when he foun
Sc there were no skates with those append
., ages, he solemnly said, if he had know
H. that, he would not have depended o
them and need not have fallen. And b
said, too, that he believed he had had a
of the fruit he cared about. There wer
al men, he confidently informed the attend
Oh ants who embarrassed his feet, who neve
}: knew when it was time to assume tn
pr dignity of manhood, and the pleasant RI