The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-04-07
The Blue-Glass Cure.

AN elderly gentleman, living in the
vicinity of Union Park, has for years
been a martyr to rheumatism. In wet
or cold weather he is literally unable to
move limb, and on ordinary occasions
groans when he takes step, and is as
unable tG stoop as if he wore the most
fashionable pull-back ever invented
He had read great deal about Gen.
Pleasonton's discovery, and resolved to
try it. Accordingly he went out and
bought the requisite number of panes of
blue glass, though he had hard scratch
ing to get them, so great had been the
demand by previous customers. Then
he had window on the sunny side of
the house glazed, and all placed in readi-
ness for his experiment. Just at this
moment it turned cold and raw, and his
ancient foe laid siege to him with such
persistency and effect that he was all
tied up in knots like handkerchief.
Next day, however, the sun came out
bright and fair, and so he had chair
placed in due position; then had them
place him in the chair and leave him.
Then he stripped to the waist and pre-
pared to enjoy bath of actinic rays
After about fifteen minutes the sun be-
gan to shine in earnest, as If it wanted
TO make up for lost time, and the pa
TENTS back began to twitch as if flies
were walking over it. "Them's the true
actinics, fifty above proof, he murmured
to himself, as he resolved to vote for
Pleasonton for President in 1880. In
about ten minutes more he tried to
wriggle his shoulders, and whispered in
an awe struck tone: That mazarine is
mighty drawing phew" Then he added:
Ginger if didn't think it was good
for the rheumatism I'd stop right here"
The sun let out another link or two, and
faint odor like burning meat became
apparentin the atmosphere. Wowchw
yelled the patient, those rays are worse
than hot gimlets they're into me half
an inch deep. Hoop-la! Help! Fire!
Fire." Then the awful reflection flashed
upon him that his wife had gone out for
the day and the servant girl was as deaf
as post. John Rogers" he shrieked,
"Tm making regular Brooklyn Theater
of myself Water! Water!" Here his
back began to sizzle and faint smoke
wreaths curled up from it, and. with a
fearful howl, the patient jumped out of
the chair, caught up his cane, threw a
couple of handsprings, and bounded
down the stairs. The girl, seeing him
come, thought he was mad, tainted and
fell through aninety dollar looking-glass,
and, uttering wild yells, he bounded back
up the stairs with the agility of Il
chamois, and kicked the curative win
dow into the street. This alarmed the
neighbors, and they came in and secured
the maniac, who was trying to get under
the tap of the kitchen sink. The doctor
said he was rather rare for a barbecue
and too well done for peaceful citizen,
and put sweet oil, linseed poultices,
pounded ice and similar things on the
1877 holes burned in his back. They
couldn't find anything in Rleasonton's
book to account for this; but the old man
remembered that the panes were all full
of knots, bubbles, and imperfections of a
similar sort, so that each of them con-
tanned ten or dozen powerful burning
glasses all prepared for business. That
probably accounts for it. He will have
to sleep face downward for the rest of
his life, but his rheumatism is cured
Chicago Tribune