The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1877-07-12
Butterwick's Weakness.

Deacon Grimes called the other day
upon Mrs. Butterwick to ask for sub
scription to the missionary society
The following conversation took place
"GOur husband is a Presbyterian,
believe, Mrs. Butterwlck z" said the
deacon.
NO." replied Mrs. b. Gle belongs
to everything else on earth but the
church. That's what / say to him, that
while he is joining so much he'd better
join something decent, that'll do him
some good. But he says he has no time.
He belongs to about fOrty-six secret So
cieties of various kinds. He's the aw-
fullest man for such things you ever saw,
and all the time running after them.
Monday night he goes round to the Free
Masons, Tuesday night he associates
with the odd Fellows, Wednesday night
is his Red Man night, Thursday night
is his temperance lodge, Friday he goes
fooling along with the Knights of
Pythias, and all day Sunday he is visi-
ting the sick and the widows and Or
phans of dead members. If there were
sixty days in a week | believe Butter
wick would have some lodge to attend
to every night.
"Mr. Grimes, that man actually
knows ninety-four grips and over
two hundred passwords. And he's
awful mysterious about them. The
other day saw him swinging his arms
about kinder queer at breakfast, and
presently he stops and says: Thunder,
forgot where | was Mary Jane, you
saw that? 1t was grand hailing sign.
Swear you'll never reveal" And, you
know, he'll wake up nights and ask me
if | heard him talking in his sleep, and
if say yes, he'll look scared to death,
and get out his pistol, and say he'll blow
my brains out if | ever repeat one of
those passwords. And he is all the
time practicing on me, but he won't
even tell me what any of them are, al
though he knows I'm just dying with
curiosity. He says he knows more
secrets than any other man in the whole
state, and he says if he was TO tell one
of them, those Knights and Patriotic
Sons and the rest of them, would put
him into vault and seal him up alive,
or tear him to pieces with red-hOt pinch
ers. Says they'd bruise him into
teernity quicker'n wink. Worries me
nearly to death. S'pose he was to be-
come temporarily insane and gush, but,
what'd become of me and the children {?
''He's so careless, too. | see him giving
the grand hailing sign to the slopman
yesterday, and the slopman asked
Bridget if Mr.. Butterwick had the st.
Vitus dance bad; and l know when he
tried one of those grips on the man that
came to tune the piano, the man said if
he squeezed his hand that hard again
he'd give Mr.. Butterwick a bloody
nose.
"And, as for professions. Well, 1t
seems to me that when Butterwick ain t
at lodge, he's marching in a process
sion. Always some funeral or celebra-
ton or something, and he turns out and
goes skipping around the streets, dressed
in cooked hat and sword, and look
ing fierce enough to frighten anybody
out of their wits. And he told me that
sometimes he gets all these grips mixed,
and he'll give Mason an Odd Fellows
grip, and tell me not to be surprised if
he is kidnapped and made way with be-
fore morning. And he'll kiss his child
rem goOd-by, and making his last little
arrangements SOS everything'll be
straight when he's gone; and then the
children and nell cry, and he look
solemn, and 60 to bed to rest before he
meets his doom. But utnOthing ever came
of it. They never touched him.
"You ought just to see the letters that
come here direct to him. 'E. Butter
wick, and then whole alphabet of
letters strung after his name. He's a
right worshipful grand master and sir
knight, and an eminent past grand
sachem, and a chief magnificent re-
verend Druid priest, and whole lot
more such things as that, enough to take
your breath away; and with it all he's
no more stuck up than you are. Just
as humble as a lamb. And he says he
can reel out more stuff that they say at
ceremonies than'd fill a small library
and he has about sixty sheepskin aprons,
and all kinds of pictures on them, that
he wears when he is on duty.
$50 he has no time 10 attend church,
and no money for heathens. He spent
his last dollar Saturday paying up his
last dues to the Knights of Pythias, and
he says if he can't settle up with the
Druids by Thursday they'll cut him off
and chuck him out. don't know what
happens to man when the Druids shut
down on him, but Butterwick hints that
it is not much better than sudden death.
Perhaps you're DruidY No? Well, you
call and see Butterwick, and he'll eX-
plain it to you, and meantime those
hcathens will have to shuttle along the
best way they can. Maybe, if you was
TO write to them how Butterwick was
fixed they might consider that sufl-
cient, Good morning. Remember me
to Mrs. Grimes.
Then the deacon withdrew and went
around to visit a less mysterious family.