Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-30

The woman who neglects her husband
shirt front is not the wife of his bosom.
Jean Paul says love truly but not ex-
cessively. That is to say, never fan
girl so hard as to spoil her crimps.
"Why didn't you insert my article ?"
asked contributor. "Was it too long 2"
"NO," replied the editor, sit was too
narrow"
A philosopher in embryo is a little
girl who on being asked if the mosquitoes
bit, said yes, but she didn't care so long
as they left her ''room to SCRATCH"
vbv she SO closely scanned the sgYeppfSkasfd
with her opera glass, replied that she
was looking for the key-hole Of his tr@lK
The right kind of a boy y5 y,s51 "a q pea, E a.
shooter can take man alnD on ~ us
business troubles and po!l'lcs quicker
than anything el'' - '"'' Oi0"A' 0Oiu
"Oi,u rno s;rr rs-scull race !" exclaimed an
| 4 ~ 5 she laid down the morning
I name m My gracious ! l didn't know
re was race of men with double
bkulls !"
"Maria ! what's that strange noise at
the front gate ?" "Cats, SIR "Cats !
Well, when 1 was young cats didn' t wear
stOve-pipe hats and smoke cigars !"
"Things have changed, SIR"
Before they are married she will care
fully turn down his coat collar when it
gets awry, but after that she'll jerk it
down into position as if she was throw
ing door mat out of the window.
Lightning struck an umbrella in North
Carolina and killed three persons who
were under it. 1t was borrowed um-
brella. Gentle reader, pause In your
villainy and restore our parachute
CatSkiH Recorder.
Send us, from every town and county
in America, poems-sad, sweet, dreamy
poems on Summer" Write only on
one side of the paper, please. We want
the other side of the sheet to write ed
itorials on.-BurlingtOn Hasckeye.
Animals may think, but sometimes
they do not think very fast A COW got
into a garden Friday, and it took her
half an hour to make up her mind where
to 60 out. A man and dog were flooding
her mind with information all the time,
too.
There was quite company of fash
iOnable guests sitting round the table
after dinner, who happened to disagree
as to the date of certain event of which
they had been talking, when the hosts
eight-year-old son attempted to expedite
the solution of the problem by suddenly
asking, "WhY, mamma, what day was il
you washed me 2"
There is precocious six-year-old boy
in Auburn who is wonderful on spelling
and definition. The other day his teacher
asked him to spell matrimony. "M-a-t-
r-i-m-o-n-y," said the youngster prompt
ly. "Now define it." said the teacher.
"Well," replied the boy, 81 don't exact
ly know what it means, but 1 know my
mothers got enough of il"
In attempting to carve fowl one day
gentleman found considerable difficulty
in separating its joints, and exclaimed
against the man who had sold him an
old hen for chicken. "My dear" said
the enraged mans wife, ''dOn't talk SC
much about the aged and respectable
Mr.. B.: he planted the first hill of corr
that was planted in our town" 81
know that" said the husband, ''and
believe this hen scratched it up"
A Chicago mans young wife enter
tained him with selections from Wagner
after which he expressed himself as re
signed to 90 to bed. where he slept very
soundly. Toward midnight cats assem-
bled IN the back yard and yowled fright
fully. The sleeper did not get up anc
throw bootjacks at them, but turned OF
one elbow and whispered in his dreams
"Sing it once more, Elvira sing it ono,
more" She sings it no more, neithe
anything else; but thinks of beating he,
piano into kindling wood and turning
her music book into curl papers.