The Lamoille news. (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1877-1881, 1877-09-05
HUMOROUS.

from some of these dim stars to reach
u.s." Philosophic freshman: 'sYes,
but | say, suppose ray of light has
just started, and after it has Travelled
a thousand years to reach the earth,
suppose the earth to be suddenly an
initiated: what terrible disappoint-
ment not to find the earth, after all
Or, suppose an astronomer traces up
ray Of light and finds no star, but
only hole at the end of it, the star
having gone out thousand years
before-how unsatisfactory that would
be" Utter collapse of Senior.
A Professor, teacher of German,
was one day very much disturbed by
an unruly benchful of boys. At last,
in his despair, he exclaimed: ''Dat
bench will leave de room and will stay
outside" Whereupon the young ras-
Gals carried out the bench, left it out
side, and blandly returned to other
seats. "No, no, - cried the professor,
II do not mean dat, l mean de boys
will go out and the bench will return"
SO the youngsters, to the confusion
Of the professor, brought back the
bench and sat on it, as though this
was all that could be reasonably ex-
pected Of them.
A young Parisenne lately lost her
husband, after he had laid a helpless
paralytic for long while. Immedi-
ately after she announced at the mar
ines her intention of marrying her
cousin. 81 beg your pardon, madame"
said the clerk, but the law is per-
emptory in forbidding q widow to mar
ry till 10 months after her husbands
death" "But those eight months of
paralysis-don't you take them into
considerations?
A Chicago young man had listened
all the evening to his wife's selections
from Wagner, and he slept very sound
y. Towards midnight the cats as
sembled in the back yard and yawled
frightfully. The sleeper did not get
up and throw bootjacks at them, but
turned on one elbow and whispered in
his dreams, "Sing it once more Elvi-
IA, sing it once more"
An Oshkosh (Wis.) deacon was So
accustomed to passing the contribu-
ton box, that at the funeral of his.
wife, after "Old Hundred" had been
sung, he got up and passed the hat,a
usual, to raise money to defray the
necessary expenses. So says the La
Crosse paper.
The First Lord of the Admiralty on
his first voyage down the Thames, in
rather q leaky vessel, observed the
men working the pumps. "Dear me !"
he said, 81 did not know you had
well on board, Captain, but l am real
ly glad, as do detest the river water.
The popularity Of the fly is that he
always returns to the same spot; but
it is characteristic of the mosquito
that he always returns to another spot.
Thus he differs from the leopard which
does not change his spots. This is an.
important fact in natural history.
A thick-headed squire being worsted
by Sidney Smith in an argument, took
his revenge by exclaiming, eff had
a son who was an idiot, | would make
him parson." every likely" replied
Sidney, "but ! see your father was of
a different opinion"
Here is something as good as orig
inal: On hearing it said last Fourth of
July that there was a procession of
ragamuflins out ON the streets, little
Sallie burst out with, care they good,
to eat"
A musical member of a well-known
amateur baseball club sings first bass
in Church choir, and made brilliant
double play with the soprano, the
other Sunday, at morning service.
Col. Sellers passed the treasury de-
partment at Washington the other day,
and said mildly: ''There's millions,
in it ?"-and Immediately added reflect
lively, "There's millions after it."
Oftentimes a man ransacks the,
whole house to find pin, and not
being able to find one, drops into a
chair in disgust, and is Immediately
rewarded for his search.
A Wisconsin clergyman has been
found guilty by Church council of
"not always handling the truth with
sufficient carefulness to meet the de-
mands of veracity."
Kansas teacher-''Where does all
of our grain go to?" Boy-''It goes
into the hopper" chopper What
hopper" "Grasshopper!" triumphant
" shouted the lad.
A person lately saw in Greenwood
Cemetery tombstone with 81 would
not live Away" chiseled upon it, be-
meath which some urchin had pencilled,
"Sour Grapes"
If you wish to teach dog arithme-
tic, tie up one Of his paws, and he will
put down three and carry one every
time.
An old lady wants to know, what is
meant by 'smean time" Our watch /,
keeps Rochlm,d Courier
Adam missed one of the Injuries of
! life. lie couldn't laugh in his sleeve.