River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-10-18
Test of Affection.

Max Adeler in Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mr.. Thorpe is middle-aged widower,
and some time ago he paid his addresses
TO Mrs. Bolts, a widow on the shady side
of forty. Thorpe is rich, and after the
widow accepted him he began to fear that
maybe she had taken him for his money,
and so he concluded TO test her to ascer-
tain if she really loved himself alone
So one evening when they we're sitting
/ together in the parlor, he said to her:
Hannah, I've something important to
tell you, but am going to do it because
consider il right that you should know
it. Hannah, what would you say if in
| formed YOU that one of my knee pans is
gone, and that have patent hinge on
that leglr
II should say THAI | care nothing for
that, my dear; have only one toe on my
left foot The others were frostbitten off,
and the ankle is all twisted around
/ crooked
"You don't tell mel" said Thorpe
/ well, but I've something worse than
/ that. / might as well confess now that
! bald place ON top of ny head is not
really my scalp; I've been trepanned. l
/ have a silver-plated concern set into
my skull, kind of skylight. You can
/ lift it up and see down on the inside of
me-"
I'm glad you mentioned it, dear,
said the widow, "for it gives me courage
to tell you that | haven't hair of my own
on-my head I'm as bald as chandelier
globe
rs that So Gracious. ! never should
have expected it. But you will be sur
prised TO learn that none of my teeth
are natural. All false, and besides that
have to wear an India-rubber thingam-
agig on my palate to keep it from drop
ping down"
I'm VERY sorry for you, John, but its
some comfort that all my teeth are false,
too, and that | am perfectly blind in my
right eye 1t looks like q good eve, but
ii absolutely amt worth cent"
Great heavens Why didn't you tell
me of this before." exclaimed Thorpe.
"But while we are on the subject, will
say further that / have chronic torpidity
of the liver. How does that strike your
"Oh, don't mind it said Mrs. Bolts.
because I've been bilious and dyspeptic
for twenty years, and besides, am one
rib short. II was broken in a railroad
accident, and the doctor had to cut il out.
I'm subject to fits too"
This is horrible" said Thorpe. Mrs.
Bolts, think you ought 10 have mention
ed these things to me when proposed TO
you. / imagined that was addressing
woman, a complete human creature. But
what are you, Mrs. Bots. Mrs. Bolts, you
appear to me TO be a dilapidated old
wreck. with not more than half of the
usual machinery about you. It's won
der TO me you don't fall to pieces"
II am no worse than You are: You
said yourself that you had trap door in
the top of your head, and gum elastic
palate.n
Yes; but these things amt true" said
Thorpe. Il only told you about them TO
see if you really loved me. I'm as sound
as dollar no inactive liver, or silver
plated skull, or anything. But you seem
to be kind of strung together, SOS if you
should knock against anything you'd
scatter around over the carpet. ] think
You ought TO let me off"
''Very well, sir, so | will. But lei me
tell you that I've got nothing the matter
with me, either. only invented those
stories TO try you, because l knew VOC
were playing a game over me. Now |
know you don't love me. You can GO,
sir"
Hannah. take it all back. do love
you"
"Do you, really1 Then love you more
than"
But no; the curtain had better be drawn
right here The cold and selfish world
has no business with such scenes as this.
They are TO be consolidated early next
month.