The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1877-03-15
FACTS AND FANGIES.

PRIZE cOnundrum--Wh don't n w0-
man like to hear her husband make
public speech ? Answer (bya lady,
because she don't.
JOSH BILLINGS says he knows people
who Hrc so fond of argument that they
will stop and dispute with guide-board
about the distance to the next town.
THAT was good prayer which the old
fashioned Methodist minister uttered:
30, Lord, start us right, because If we
get started wrong we are hard to turn"
A YOUNG lad whose teacher is rather
free with the rod remarked the other day
chat they had too many holler.days at
their school"
4 NEWARK woman married police
man because, as she explained her
mother was once robbed Of two dresses,
and she thought policeman was a good
thing to have about the house.
THE English Dr. Kenealy Is a used-up
man. He is unpopular, and the com
mon people no longer give audience to
his harangues Such il the final usual
fate of demagogues.
TuE poem of "John Gilpin's Ride"
by Cowpcr, has eighty. three per cent. of
its words in one syllable, while Shak-
speare has eighty-one and Dickens
seyenty.tive.
PROFESSOR in psychology-"Now,
Mr.. D., in regard to how the mind forms
a material thing from several precepts;
take an apple and illustrate" Mr., D.
81 don't care if | do" Glass murmur
pass em around"
PARIS DANDY: "You always tell me,
madam, that am dull; pray inform me
what is the difference between dull and
bright Answer: "The difference is
the same as between smell and per
fume."
The number Of square miles in the
United States is l,OSS,GG3. The real
and personal property in the United
States is $29, S42,77S,443. The number
of persons who cannot read are 1 ,ili,5O3.
The number of those who cannot write Is
5,55l ,Sll.
ONEof the biIlsnow pending in the Wis
consn Legislature abolishes sentences Tor
specific periods in punishment of crime,
md leaves cOnvcts in prison until the
warden believes they are ''thoroughIyre re-
formed" That i, simplicity itself.
"SIR," said one man to another, "bc-
ware, TO day you have kicked me.
Yesterday you struck me. Day before
yesterday you pulled my nose. Take
care sir, take care, or you'll rouse the
sleeping lion"
A uALF.rHozEN Engishman in a
street car the other day somewhat
angrjly observed; "Why don't they
eat the cars?' "Why you darn idiot"
returned the sharp conductor, 1--WE can't
eat em; but we sometimes bolt en-
The Englishman made an entry in his
note book.
AIFLoRlsT was showing an lrishman over
his establishment the o!herday. Nov"
said he, well just look in for a moment
at the terminating house" "The Ger
man ating house, is it?" replied the
other. "Troth and Pm glad, for it's hun
gry am. But isn't there some Irish
dhrinkin' saloon ist MS handy T"
ANXIOUS on Il main pOint.-Atter the
usual explanation to a freshman class in
regard to laws and customs of the college
by the class officer, when opportunity
wa4 given for questions on points not
fully understood freshman raised his
hand, and in voice full of anxiety
asked, professor, what time do We have
breakfast?'
OF the three hundred members of con-
gress, there is only about thirty, or say
ten per cent, who command the atten-
tion of the house and the galleries when
they speak. 1t is good place for man
to ind his level and the most OF them
find it on lower roIud of ladder OF
fame than they supposed. To speak to
mob at corner grocery and win their
applause by telling indecent stories Is
one thing, and to command attention III
congress IS quite another Gin. Com.
,yI,