Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1877-04-03
NUMBER II.
SUNBEAMS.

until he is forty-seyen.
The Mexican rebels have taken Ja-
lapa-Probably didn't know what it
was.
"Spawntaneous generation" Is what
O Cincinnati paper calls that storm OK
frogs eggs.
Spelling bees are past. This sum-
mer We are going TO have humble bees.
Can you humble?
Not at home" Is worn out; this
year the front-door countersign will
be Con to the Cintinyel."
Professor Ito Freshman)-"What is
circle?" Freshman (after much re-
fiection)-"A round, straight line, with
hole in the middle"
A Dakota wook-chopper turned his
coat wrong side out 10 scare bear.
The bear took the coat OF and good
deal Of hide withit.
The kangaroo grows In Australia.
He carries his young in his vest pocket.
Australia is the only country where he
Kangaroo.
DR.. Mary Walker says there is
fortune awaiting the tailor who can
invent a mode Of cutting pantaloons
80 they viii not bag at the knee.
THAT" said the tramp, "is the top
buckwheat; il has been used TO keep
the others warm, and don't eat no
coverlids." So he laid II one side.
Boarder Is the red-haired girl
gone away"
Landlady Yes sir"
Boarder I thought so. l found
hlaoLy hair in tho buttar tO-Hau -
Brain fever prevails so extensively
In Chicago, at present, that O major
ity OF the inhabitants are compelled
to eat their meals from mantel-
piece.
When an Atlanta dog bit an Atlanta
man in the calf Of the leg, the owner
OF the dog settled 1t by permitting the
bitten man TO bite his left ear. Have
We any more use for lawyers?
George Washington's Bible, which
he carried through all his campaigns,
Is not even dogseared. This would
hardly be believed OF George, but there
Is the Bible TO show for 1t?
A man who contracted a debt Of
Sll43 promised to pay 1t In two install
ments. Last week he forwarded $lI,
and promised 10 send the other S43 as
soon as the times got better.
Lucy TO her elder sister, who has
Just been relating thrilling episode
In the life OF William Tell And was
the little boy allowed 10 eat the apple
afterwards?"-Pmch.
An undertaken at Providence didn't
know whether a subject was dead or
in q fit. He boxed him up 10 settle the
question, but the man kicked his way
out and then boxed the undertacker.
A Detroit woman who got 81, 700
from that city for .breaking her leg In
a sidewalk hole while ago, broke her
leg again in the same way day or two
legs she should be perfectly happy.
1t Is not an unusual thing nowadays
for pedestrians in Kentucky TO witness
In every farm yard wild-eyed men,
gesticulating skyward, and yelling.
mo more corned beef. Send dowp
some quail on toast"
It is noticed by travellers that South
Americans are putting on more style
than they used to. They now dip the
thumb and foreilnger into the meat
dish, whereas twenty years ago they
made dive with both hands.
what is editorial courtesy?" asks
Southern paper. Why, it is when Q
Southern editor IL caught stealing
chickens at midnight and his brother
editors kindly allude to the matter as
a strange freak OF a somnambulist."
Whats usee play poker" remarked
an almond-eved denizen OF Tucson,
New, the other day. Ne hold four
Killings and lace Mclean man hold
all same time four laces and king;
whole week washee gone likee wood.
bine."
Old lady (holding very small cab
| bage)- What! ten cents for such q
small cabbage? never heard OF such
a thing. Polite grocer's clerk-Yee,
ma'am but it's because OF the Cen.
tennial, ma'am There's so many fur
riners .a-comin' that smokes, cabbages
is riz.
That North Carolina dog who cour-
ageously guarded the entrance TO his
mistress domicile against intruders,
while she was burning up inside, has
been purchased by a resident OF De-
lancy street, New York, whose mother.
in-law Is given to smoking a pipe while
| in bed.
It was in q New Jersey Sunday
school. The Superintendent approach.
ed youth OF color who was present
for the first time, and inquired his
name for the purpose OF placing 1t on
the roll. The good man tried in vain
to preserve his dignity when the an
! swer was returned, We'll, massa calls
me Captain, but my maiden name Ii
Moses"
Spartan virtue still exists and the
| principle of modesty Is not thing Of
the past. II you don't believe this
| lust see what Penn Yam damsel, who
Is a witness in the Crozier murder trial,
| says: II am nearly twenty-one years
old. l never stood near married
man, because / think it Is against the
rules Of improperly"
"Bathe every dayi" exclaimed the
widow Smashpipes, as she dropped
the fiat-iron upon the horseshoe, and
looked her neighbor Snubs right in
! the eve. "Why, you don't say sol I
never used to think OF stripping my
Jeems, and giving him right good
wash, but four times year; onst In
the Spring, onst In the Summer, onst
In the Fall, and onst in the Winter.
Howsomdeyer, some children ketcb
dirt sooner than others.
my son." said q bland gentleman
to little boy, "would you not like TO
come to Sunday school to sing and
pray, and hear all about Moses and
Aaron, and the whale, and the fiery
furnace, Joseph's coat OF many colors,
and put your pennies in the box"
"Be you going TO have a Christmas
tree?" asked the child. NO" an