Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1877-05-30

NVi'ls
Life is duty and one oue ht to
desire its preservation. Willfully TO
let it decay would be a sin in the sight
of God.
-"If Europe praised me-" Goethe
SAID, "what has Europe done for me ?
Nothing, eum my porkS hare been an er-
pease 10 me-
Why is a young lady just from
boarding-school like buildingcommit-
tee2 Because she is ready to receive
proposals.
-" What does Good Friday mean ?"
asked one school.boy ofanothcr. "You
had better 20 home and read your
Robinson Crusoe, was the reply,
"A little Portland boy being asked
if he had reached the head of the class,
said "Well, I'm where the head used
to be, but the teacher turned the class
around.
"A little girl, TO whom her father
explained that bantam chickens might
be recognized by their feather stock.
ings, wanted 10 know if the hens wore
garters.
The vital statistics of this country
prove that n woman will spend more
time to hide a pimple on her forehead
than she will TO take care of seven
children.
Mrs. Partington isn't at all sur.
prised TO hear that the Ottoman is the
seat dissatisfaction. Give her good
old-fashioDed sofa, if you want to sit
like a Christian.
-" Fellow. citizens" said a candidate
for Office. addressing an audience of
colored people in South Carolina, "my
skin is white, it Is true, but my soul is
blacker than yours"
When Shakespeare wrote about
"patience amonument," did be mean
doctors patients? ? No. Why not ?
Because you never find them on monu-
ments, but always under them.
Men have different spheres. 1t is
for some TO evolve great moral truths,
as the heavens evolve stars to guide
the sailor on the sea and the traveller
on the desert ii is for some, like the
sailorand the traveller, simply toguidc.
TO villify great man is the readi-
est way in which little man can HIM
self attain greatness. The crab might
never have become constellation, but
for the courage evineed in nibbling
Hercules on the heel.
Sewing silk should not be put into
the mouth, us il is very liable TO be
impregnated with acetate Of lead,
which is one OF the most active poisons.
Seamstresses have often been rendered
dangerously III in this way.
"A man in Michigan snapped his
horse for wife. An old bachelor ac.
quaintance said he'd bet there was
something wrong with the horse, or
its owner would not have fooled it
away in that reckless manner.
"A wife said TO her husband, who
was scolding her, However cross you
may be, there is not couple who live
in greater unanimity than you aud /;
for we always desire the same thing
you want to be MASTER and so do |,
-" 4 make it point, madam, to
study my own mind, said gentleman
to a lady who had exhibited some sur
prise at an opinion he expressed. "ln-
deed ?" she replied, 81 didn't suppose
you understood the use OF the micro
scope
=" Maria said the pious husband,
"them wicked Smiths are allowing
their children to play in the yard on
Sunday. Tomorrow, I'll sick the dog
on their chickens. The judgment OF
heaven must be visited on EN- in some
way"
He who is passionate and hasty is
generally honest 1t is your old, dis
sembling hypocrite OF whom you should
beware There's no deception in
bulldog. 1t is only the cur that sneaks
up and bites you when your back is
turned.
Rubbing the teeth with the fino
charcoal powder, and then washing
out the mouth will render the teeth
beautifully white and the breath per-
fectly sweet, where an offensive breath
has been owing to scorbutic disposi-
ton of the gums.
Dickens says If ever household
affections and loves are graceful things
they are graceful in the poor. The
ties that bind the wealthy and the
proud to home may bo forged on earth,
and those that link the poor man to
his humble hearth are Of the pure
metal and bear the stamp of heaven.
Walking to the club, with friend,
from the theatre, some intoxicated
young gentlemen reeled up to the dra-
matist. Douglas Jerrold, and said, "Can
YOU tell us the way TO the Judge and
Jury ?" keep on as you are, young
gentlemen" was the reply "you'rc
sure to overtakc them
The celebrated John Randolph,
i'm one of his letters TO young rela-
tive, says: al know nothing am 80
anxious you should acquire as the fac.
ulty of saying No You must expect
unreasonable requests to be preferred
to you every day of your life, and must
endcavor to deny with as much facility
and must endeaver to deny with as
much facility and kindness as You
acquiesce.'
DIR. johnson was observed by q
musical friend of his to be extremely
inattentive at concert whilst cele-
brnted solo player was running up the
divisions and subdivisions of notes
upon his violin. His friend, TO induce
him to take greater notice OF what was
going on, told him the performance
was very difficult. Difficult, sir"
replied the Doctor al wish it were
impossible"
The story is told Of II shrewish
Scotchwoman who tried TO wean her
husband from the public house by en-.
ploying her brother to act tho part OF
a ghost and frigh,en John on his way
home. "who are your" said the guid.
man, as the apparition arose before him
from belinda bush. "lam Aud Nick" ="
was tho reply. "Come ava mon,' said
John, nothing daunted "gie's shake
o. your hand am married twa' u