Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-04-26
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

public schools.
An Irish waiter, speaking of lady's
black eyes, says; They are mourning
for tie murders they have committed
An Irish painter announced in an Irish
journal that, among other portraits, he had
representation of Death as large as life
An exchange remarks: The only
jokes women like to read are those which
reflect ridicule on men," Yes. On tax
ing up paper, woman invariably turns
to the marriage column.-Erchange.
1t is sad fact that only now and then
will the observer meet person on the
street who can walk. The rest only stride
like ostriches, topple like cripples, or wad-
die like ducks.-Chicago EUentpg Journal.
Vicar: John, you are mot getting on
very fast with your job. You know you
cannot do too much for good master
John: | knows that jolly we'll, and-I
arn't a-going to try! Not me.-Funng
Folks
The "hard times have continued so
long that they have hardened into ada
mant, and nothing less than the vigorous
and persistent blows of the sledge-ham-
mer of industry will ever break them
Go to work.
- Where was John Rogers burned to
death?'' asked teacher in school
"Joshua knows" replied little girl at
the foot of the class. "Well," SAID the
teacher, if Joshua knows, he may tell
g In the fire." said Joshua, looking very
grave and wise.
=" Nothing was so much dreaded in
our school-bOy days. says a distinguished
author, " as to be punished by sitting be-
tween two girls" All! the torce of edu-
cation! In after years we learn to submit
to such things without shedding a tear
lOhkers Gdzctte.
Half the fools of the United States
think they can beat the doctors at curing
the sick; two thirds of them are sure they
can beat the ministers preaching the Cos
pei, and all of them know they can beat
the editors running the papers.-R9me
(N. ~ Sentinel.
There never was time when the in
surance business was SO safe as it now is.
All that man wants to do after he gets
insured is to die right quick, before
the company does. But he doesn't want
to be fooling around, living and having a
good time. -BurItngton Haook- Eye.
She was sweetly dreaming of bright
golden fields where flowers breathed per-
fume, and she thought she was chasing
butterflies. Up and down hill and dale
she ran, and then she caught a beautiful,
d-winged butterfly, and awoke to find
that she had nearly twisted her husbands
nose off
"A Yale graduate may thoroughly un-
derstand Greek grammar, but VIII, he
comes to fill his big meerschuum pipe,
and 1nds his tobacco box empty, his dis
appointment is just as keen as ii he had
never studied anything but English COM
position all the days OF his life.-NafriS-
0aoa Heratd.
Mrs. Partington says that, Just before
the late war, circumstances were seen
round the moon nightly, shooting stars
pcrambulated the earth, the desk of the
sun was covered with black spots of ink,
and comics swept the horizon with their
operatic tales. Everybody said that it
prohigated war, and, sure enough, war
did come.
The following from the Oil City
Derrick has much of humOr on the sur
face, with strong undercurrent of
truth, not unmingled with pathos:
"Weve seen man with a ten-cent
cigar in his mouth talk of hard times,
but woman never complains until she
has turned the old dress twice, and can't
find any other side 10 it."
Two policemen in San Francisco saw
two men pushing and pulling each other
at distance in the street, and commented
on it between themselves as rough sky
larking. Then one of the men ran away,
and the other approaching the officers,
said: You blamed fools, couldn't you
see | was getting robbed? That fellow
has gone off with my WATCH"
"A movable almshouse is projected at
Stamford, Conn. The town voted at a re-
cent meeting to erect a wooden building
Tor paupcrS, to be so constructed that it
can be moved from point to point, wher-
ever the work of tramps is desirable in
breaking stone. This is regarded as a
cheaper method than to move large masses
of stone to the neighborhood of stationary
workhouse.
The following is an account of the
first duel in New England and probably
in this country, which occurred at
Plymouth, June 19, 1921, which we give
ye;battm ct 1uerutim:: "The Second of
fense is the first Duel fought in New En-
gland, upon Challenge at Single Com
bat with Sword and Dagger between Ed
ward Dotey and Edward Lester, Servants
of Mr.. Hopkins: Both being wounded, the
one in the Hand, the other in the Thigh;
they are adjudg'd by the whole Company
to have their Head and Feet tied together,
and for to lie for "a Hours, without Meat
or Drink; which is begun to be inflicted,
but within an Hour, because Of their great
Pains, at their own and their Masters
humble request, upon Promise of better
Carriage, they are Released by the Gov
ernOr." "-B stOn Jour nal.
The rights Of husbands and wives to
the property which they respectively bring
into the family are defined by bill
which has just pa sed the Legislature of
Connecticut. The bill provides that hus-
band and wife shall not acquire by mar
riage any right to each others property;
that the husband shall be liable for ali
debts incurred for the joint maintenance
of husband, wife and children, that the
separate earnings of the wife shall be her
own property; that the wife may make
contracts or sell her real or personal prop
erty; that all her property shall be liable
for her debts; that the husband shall be
liable for none of her debts contracted be-
fore marriage, nor for those contracted
after marriage, except for articles for the
support of the family, or for the joint
benefit of both; and that the husband and
wife, respectively, upon the death of the
other, shall each inherit during the re-
nainder of life the use of one-third of the
others property.
A Reporters Experience In Looking
Up an EIOpement Case.