Connecticut western news., 1877-04-13
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
 A BATCH OF WHYs.-Why are embas- sadors the most perfect people in the world? Because they are all excel lencies.-Why is sympathy like blind mans buff? It is a fellow feeling for a fellow creature.-Why is the sun like good loaf? Because it's light when it rises. Why is crow brave bird? Because it never shows the white feather?- Why is sawyer like lawyer? Because whichever way he goes, down comes the dust.-Why are washerwomen silly people? Because they put out their tubs to catch soft water when it rains hard.-Why is man who doesn't lose his temper like a schoolmaster? Be cause he keeps cool (keeps school. J. Why are mountains like invalids? Be- cause they look peakish. Why are umbrellas like pancakes? Because they are seldom seen after lent.-WEy is a drunkard hesitating to sign the pledge doubts whether to give up the worship of Jug-or-not.-Why cannot two slen- der persons ever become great friends? Because they will always be slight ac- quaintances.
 A RECOMMENDATION. - Old Si was asked by one of our merchants:
 "Si, do you know a darkey by the name of Davis?''
 "Sisero Davis, wid de red eye dat got burn'd in de powder 'sploshin ?''
 "Yes, he's the man."
 "Well, kno's him.'
 ''Js he reliable?''
 "Gin'ully, but hit 'pends moughtily on de bizness dat he's gagged in at de timev'
 "What business would he suit best in as porter?'
 "Well, ter tell yer de flat footed, onsophisticated trufe, sah, dars one place whar dat nigger could wuck an be ez hones' ez de day,-an' dat's ez de O'ner 'ud be lierble fur ter fine de propputy allus jus whar he lef' hitn'
 The gentleman named Davis was not engaged.-Atlanta (Ga) Herald.
 DOUGLAS JERRoLD mentions story of man who hated national prejudices, and invited an uncle to a French restaurant to "dine lem" out of him. After dinner he said to him, "What do you think of the French now, uncle ?'' Mot so bad," he replied, with look of contrition-'snot so bad if they wouldn't eat frogs" "You recollect that third dish-delicious, wasn't it9'' said the nephew. The old fellow smacked his lips with recollections of delight. "In that dish there were two- frogs" The uncle insisted upon falling ill immediately, was carried home, went to bed, scratched his nephew out of his will, and died. Would it be believed nurse was found to swear that in his last moments she heard them croak? See what comes of national prejudice!
 WONDERS in connection with the blue-glass busine ess will never cease. ''l sat hen day before yesterday under blue glass, writes correspondent of the Gruphtc, Con twenty -four eggs, and she brought off thirty-two chickens. l never saw anything like blue glass in my life to hasten the ripening of eggs. know lady friend of mine who, after trying blue-glass sun-baths for month, had new crop of black hair and new set of false teeth grow out together. And besides recovering her health she had an offer of marriage, the first she has experienced in forty-One years. My has been sitting under blue glass an hour day for a fortnight, and the effect upon her temper has been such that we want her to come and stay with us-a week."
 AN EMINENT JUDGE used to say that in his opinion, the very best thing ever 'ald by witness, to a counsel was the reply given to Missing, the barrister, It the time leader of his circuit. He was defending prisoner charged with stealing donkey. The prosecutor had eft the animal tied up to gate, and when he returned, it was gone. Miss ng was very severe in his examination | 'f the witness. Do you mean to say, the donkey was stolen from hat gate ?" ''I mean to say, sir," giving he judge and jury a sly look, at the | anne time pointing to the counsel, "the | Lss was Missing"
 HE Judge was very fond of quoting | aW Latin in order to give dignity and | to his remarks. One day, Il passing sentence on a prisoner, he l aid, "ln accordance with the lex non crtptd sentence you to three months ''What in the thunder loes he mean by that Dutch talk?'' aid old Bummerson, who knows no nore of Latin than a hog does of trigo- lometry. ''He means" explained a lsing member of the bar, anxious to lisplay his familiarity with the dead anguage, Che means that he decided ccording to law and not to Scripture."
 Cor THE DROP ON THEM.-At a party n West Hill the other evening a num- 'er of young men presented one of the 'arty, who was very obnoxious to hem, with large tin jackass, with an ppropriate presentation address. But he mean man got the drop on them by ccepting it gracefully, saying that he would always keep it, and never part with it, and as often as he looked at it, could not fall to remind him of the nors. And then, somehow or other, it eemed to the young men that the resentation had gone of kind of tame fter all.-Burlington Buckeye.
 AN ORGAN was some time ago intro uced in parish church in the north f Scotland, and some of the mbers ook offence and left. One Of these soon fter met another member and inquired hoo the organ was gettin' on!" 70, ne," was the answer; 'tjist blaWin' Wa the .chaf an' keepin' the corn."
 A CHEF DE CLAQUE i'll French leatre is discussing with his lieutenant ne qualities of their subordinates and ays: "Adolphe is the best Of all; he laps the loudesu." Nonsense! Mar lsse is just as loud, and there is more apose, artistic elegance, and conscious over in his applause"