Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1877-01-26
Mark Twain on Yankee Weather.

Responding at recent New England din
ner TO the toast Of 1.-THE Oldest Inhabitant
the Weather." Mark Twain delivered one
Of his drollest after-dinner speeches, Of which
the following is an abstract:
II reverently believe that the Maker who
made us all, made everything in New En-
gland but the weather. don't know who
makes that, but think il must be raw APP
prentices in the weather clerks factory,
who experiment and learn how in New
England for board and clothes, and then
are promoted to make weather for countries
that require a good article and will take
their custom elsewhere if they don't get it.
Laughter There is sumptuous variety
about the New England weather that COM
pels the strangers admiration-and regret.
Laughter. The weather is always doing
something there; always attending strictly
to business always getting up new de-
signs and trying them on the people to see
how they will go. But it gets through
more business in spring than any other sea-
sou. 10 the spring | have counted 1876
different kinds Of weather inside of four and
twenty hours. [Laughter 1t was l that
made the fame and fortune of that man that
had that marvellous collection of weather
on exhibition at the centennial that so as
founded the foreigners. He was going to
travel all over the world to get specimens
from all the climes. said, Don't you do
it you come to New England on a favorable
spring day l told him what we could
do in the way OF style, variety and quantity.
TLaughter.l Well, he came, and he made
his collection 10 four days.
"Old Probabilities has a mighty reputa.
tion for accurate prophecy, and thoroughly
well deserves it. You take up the papers
and observe how crisply aud confidently he
checks off what to.day's weather is going to
be on the Pacific, down South and the Mid.
die states and in the Winconsiu region. He
doesn't know what the weather is going to
b. in New Epgland. He mulls over it, and
by and by he gets out something about like
this Probable nor'east to sou'west winds
varying to the southland and westard and
BASTARD and points between high and low
barometer, sweeping round from place to
place probable areas Of rain, snow, hail
and drought, succeeding or preceded by
earthquakes and lightning. Laughter aBd
applause. Then he jots down this post
script from his wandering mind to cover ac-
cidents But it is possible that the pro-
gramme may be wholly changed 10 the mean
SINE Laughter
IL could speak volumes about the inhu-
man perversity Of the New England weather,
but l will give but single specimen. |
like to hear rain on tin roof, so | covered
part Of my roof with tin, with an eye to that
luxury. Well, sir, do you think it ever
rains on that tint No, sir; skips it every
time. Laughter.
"If we had not our bewitching autumn
foliage we should still have to credit the
weather with one feature which compen-
safes for all its bullying vagaries--the ice
storm-when a leahess tree is clothed with
ice from the bottom to the top-ice that is
as bright and clear as crystal every bough
and twig is strung with ice-beads, frozen
dew drops, and the whole tree sparkles
cold and white like the Shah of Persia's
diamond plume. Applause. Then the
wind waves the branches, AMI the sun comes
out and turns all these myrades OF beads and
drops to prisms, that glow and hum and
fash with all manner of colored fires, which
change and change again, with inconceiva-
BILE rapidity, from blue to red, from red to
green, and green to gold the tree becomes
a sparkling fountain, a very explosion oil
dazzling jewels; and it stands there the
acme, the climax, the supremest possibility
in art or nature of bewildcring, intoxicat'
ing, iutOlerable magni6canco! One cannot
make the words too strong. Long contin'
ued applause.
month after month | lay up hate and
grudge against the New Euglaud weather
but when the ice-storm comes at last, say
There. forgive you now /; the books are
square between us; you don't owe me q
cent; 50 and sin no more; your little fault
and iOibles count for nothing; you are the
most enchanting weather in the world -
[Aapplause and laughter.