The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-05-12
VARIETY.

What class OF workmen are always on a strike
no matter what their wages are? Blacksmths
- Some editors are so peaceably inclined
they refuse to put heads their editorials.
The fighting editor does this in our Office
Philadelphia Herald.
In a sermon recently Mr.. Moody said {"
you cannot be lighthouse be a candle.'' w,
have heard of young ladies who would prefer
to be half of match.
'' You go to shecaggO, hey?', said the
gentleman from Germany. Veil. you pc
bretty careful aboud that water dere. Ell you
dond want to ket seek, you thinks none uf dat
water dill you ket used to hIm.''-ROchester
Democrat.
No expression of the human countenance
can equal the look OF lonesome amazement that
flashes over the face of the solitary oyster at
finding himself scooped up in a gallon of church
soeiable souP.-BUrhngtoH Ha'0heye
A friar when preaching in nunnery obser-
waited to his female auditors 81 Be not too
proud that our blessed Lord paid your sex the
distinguished honor of appearing first to a
female after the resurrection for it was done
that the glad tidings might spread the sooner"
Old Bledsoe, although he is a very profane,
wicked man, looks very youthful for his years.
One of his neIghbors remarked to Mrs Bledsoe,
the other day, 90 The old man is wearing well +,
isn't he p g Oh, yes,'' replied the old woman !;
a. he's swearing well enough as it goes, but
considering the opportunities and practice he 8
had, he might put a little more polish into
it,
The Home Journal objects to the wearing
of diamonds when travelling because it is vul-
gar 1t is position which we assumed years
ago, and glad to say that no one con-
nected with this paper has ever been guilty
of such vulgarity. We have occasionally taken
a ride with lawyer, but there are some depths
to which we cannot sink.-NOrtOich Bulletin.
YOUNG LADY IN THE COUNTRY Aunt
Tabthy, my fur sack of imitation mushrat is
about played-whoddy you think I'd better
git into for summer wear ?' :" Rooshy, I'd
lest like to see your lovely form in one of those
now fashioned cuspidors, cut bias, turned over
on the edge and bOx-peated around the top"
(Sensation.) .)-Puck.
s.It's all very well,' remarked a red-nosed
man in a bad hat and an ulster of the vintage
of '73.s' it's all very well to say let business
revive; but what we want, sir, is confidence,
public confidence, sir. Each of US must be
willing to bring out our boarded dollars and
out them once more in circulation. Then the
skies will brighten then-by the way changed
nv vest this morning-lend me fifty cents, will
you"
Danbury NelCs; \ writer in ScribRer has an
article on the subject, s'Ilow to keep the boys
on the IarLn. ne IutduS Nells UuG He
doesn't touch the point. To keep boys the
farm the farm should be well paved and lighted
with gas, and have a band-stand, and billiard
tables. and its own bar and race-course. hope
our farmers are just anxious as they appear to
be to keep their boys on the farm, but they don't
seem to take any definite action.
A story is told of two worthy New England
deacons, between whom bitter feud had long
existed concerning some contested point. Nei-
ther would yield, and the matter threatened to
be handed down to the next generation, when
one day Deacon Smith appeared before his old
enemy and sOlemnly said: brother Jones, it is
a shame that this quarrel of ours should bring
scandal upon the Church. / have prayed earn
estly for guidance in the matter, and have come
to the conclusion that you must give in, for L
cannot
OVERWHELMING A HAPPY FATHER.-A funny
story regarding Mr.. s. and an acquisition is told
in the Amsterdam Recorder. S, who was travel
ing in Kansas, received the following telegram:
I" Return Immediately. You are father On
the eve of his return his lady friend, determined
to play Joke on him. procured from the neigh
borhood three other babies, placed all four IN a
row on q bed in adjoining apartment and
covered them up. S. arrived, embraced his wife
in great delight aud was then led forth to his
frst-born. When the cover was raised an in
describable look of surprise ovetspread his coun-
tenance as he exclaimed, ''Great GOdi Did any of
them get away!
A ToAD SToRY.-Dr. Macdonald, of Wards
Island, lectured last night about the delusions
of the insane. Speaking of persons who imag-
iued themselves to be horses, birds, ETC., he said
A lady believed she had a toad in her stomach
and grew very i'll in consequence. Her physician,
after vainly endeayoring to coax her out of the
idea gave her an emetic, and while she was
vomiting, dexterously slipped toad into the basin
and called her attention TO it, For time she
was cured, but few weeks later she had the
same symptoms as before, and insisted that the
toad must have given birth to some young ones,
which were still in her stomach. The doctor,
however, persuaded her that this could not be
the case since the animal she had thrown up
was-a male. This effected permanent cure.