The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-07-28
A Dynasty of Cooks.

Not long ago an interregnum of disas-
trous and unholy character took place within
the family of a certain literary gentleman OF
New York. From week to week he kept &C
count of the rapid changes in down stairs
government, and called hisldocunent, when
finished, Culinary Dynasty of the House OF
Brown, from the Reign of Bridget the Pure
down TO the Present Monarch" Similarly
embelllshed by incidental rhetorical graces,
Mr.. Browns list read something after the
following manner:
Bridget l., surnamed the Pure. Began TO
reign December 1867 abilcated October,
1915, because contemplating life OF seclu
sion-and matrmony. Her reign was
marked by great executive wisdom, clemency
and economy, and It's cessation caused the
most sincere regret Succeeded by
Bridget H., sovereign of considerable
administrative power, but Cutsed with a most
irascibe disposition. lnsulted her Prime
Minister Mrs Brown, when justly rebuked
by that dlgnitary for her reckless consump.
ton of butter. Popular opinion Mr. Brown,
being decidedly against her she abdicated,
November, 1876, IN favor OF
Katharine, surnamed the Flrt, on account
of the multiplicity Of her sulors. a giddy,
good-natured Queen, bat Wildly untitled for
her exalted position. Depoad November
1876, and succeeded by
A Regency OF three days, during which
Jane, valued chamber. maid. welded with
much ability the culinary Iepter. After
which the kitchen was descent d into by
Bridget Ill, a sovereign wbse character
previous to accession had ben represented
as stainless, but who early gave signs of the
most revolving intempcrance Driven from
the Kitchen by an indignant people (Nlr
Brown, after an alcoholic reiguUf only two
days, and succeeded by
Mary Ellen, satlrically surnaned the Skel.
eton, on account of her unnatural stoutness.
Celebrated for her intense lazines. Dcposed
December, 1876, and succeeded by
Margaret, popularly known as the Fiend
Threatened to kill her Prime Minister two
hours after coronation. On the following
day refused to abdicate. Resisted even the
demands Of the army "a policeman who
unanimously ,indorsedthe policy OF the Prime
Minister imprisoned for high reason De-
ember, 1876 End unknown. Succeeded by
Bridget ", surnamed The Lupstic. Her
administration was chiefly distinguished by
an attempt to subveIt the usual methods OF
dining throughout her realm causing soup
to be served alter fish, and meat before either
Banished after turbulent reign of twelve
hours, aud succeeded by
Ann, known as the Spoiler. :"
And so on, through terrible list Of wrong
and outrage, the chrcnicle CONTINUES, at last
ending in the month of February, 1877, with
the following happy item
Bridget XIV, the reignlng sovereign, sur.
named the Culinary Antonine. Modest of
demeanor, ge2tle in speech, wise md eco,
nomcal in lrer rule. Beloved by Minister
and people. A slight difficulty with France
(the chlldren's foreign Nurse, which occurred
in the early part of her reign, has mw been
amicably settled. The realm is at PRESENT in
a most horlshing condition, and the ,eiriger
ator has never been so prosperously dmnis
tered. Long live Bridget XV.!-AypIeton's
yOurUUl