The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1877-06-28
8 Of faker quicksr,h wink, Is there v.s
danger Of being sun-stfuck.''

1911
"WeIlf"
Well, i asked ashoemsker what he
do, and he said If he had soarize he,
swallow two bottles Of champagne. tai
In all the free lunch saloons, beat talk
hold oi Ii hssS da e W, and y tss
ter-milk.n
Continue your affecting narrative,
i Well, / took some brandy, some bee
some butter milk, some free lunch, som
|-some-well, / don't remember. fe
down IN doorway and was drought her,
i& KfY s2rEY, li3 for it py,Wife VII
4 fE tOSnssntI Aglkto be AA6A.S&3
He expected to be fined at least twent
4 dollars. The audience expected he woul
go up for sixty days. His Honor locke
1 as fierce as an old Roman Senator and d
/ stern as the man who sells tickets fron
the circus wagon, but he answered, in
soft voice:
"Mr. Fox, this country depends upol
its agricultural resources to tide it owe
these dark days. The 'tater bug stalk
abroad In the land. Every, breeze from
the Weat hdngs the Lonesome whizz O
the grAssh0ppef. If the crops fail wei
AL 60 to the walis- You go home ant
NOW and reap and rush around and tea
up the golden soil, and if your wife's eye
don't improve pretty soon bring her int
the city some day and let her stand in th,
whirlwind OF dust around the City Hall
That's all, Mr.. Fox-please hurry out. !"
MORE MERCY.
George Hatfield and wife occupy
woodbine shanty in Poletown. They were
sweetly dreaming when the woman awoke
with q start and 4 groan,S and informed
her husband that it was raining, and thai
she had been busting the parlor sofa in
the back yard and left it out there. He
got up. His anger got up, too. He go1
downstairs to find the sofa soaking wet,
and he hunted up the ak in the darkness,
and with nothing around him but an old
lambrequin, he chopped and hacked and
used up an article of furniture costing
fifteen dollars. The wife came down, and
it was her voice and his actions which
alarmed the neighborhood and raised the
police.
Do you want your husband pun
ished ?" asked the Court of the wife.
I-l-that is" she stammered.
. Because if you do you will be disap.
pointed. Do you think I'd get out of bed
at midnight to fall over chairs, rub nv
nose against doors and haul sofa in out
of the wet? Never! I'd hang to thai
bed like dog to bone, and that sofa
might float to ConstantinopIe and back
for all of me. I've been reused I'D to
bring in clothes off the line, to chase cows
out OF the garden and to put down win
dows, but / didn't rouse worth cent
You are the one to blame, Mrs. Hatfield.
Your husband is discharged, and if you
have to sit on the table instead of sofa
it's no ones fault but yours
FATHERLY ADVICE.
A girl of twelve who was found roam
ing the streets at late hour was brought
out to be talked to. His Honor kindly
said:
"Child, it is not your fault that you are
here. Your father was down town, your
mother sgadding around, and the house
'eemed lonely to you. I know scores of
mothers who are setting just such exam
,les for their daughters. Home is The
asst place to keep them. They neglect
heir children, neglect their homes and
orsake their husbands for the purpose of
.adding. They leave home as soon as
hey have swallowed miserable break
asst, tramp the streets for hours, and 20
lome hating their own flesh and blood.
7 is the same with girls. They CAD to the
library, to the stores, to the ferry boats
is, how can / blarnssf from home. Why.
welve, when1 know of church-members
a this city whose daughters are not home
wo hours day, and who are allowed to
valk the streets until two O'Clock in the
morning? There are q thousand homes in
his city made wretched for Woodworking
husbands and loving fathers because wives
nd mothers prefer the streets to their
wn rooms. 1t won't be long before you
will know all about firtations, your nose
vill be poked into trashy novels, you'll
e thinking of puppets dressed in green
ids ana lavender pants, and well,
GU may go home. / don't like to talk Of
hese things. The coming generation
Von't have sense enough nor money enough !
0 run two-cent peanut stand two weeks.
10 home, little girl. z ! 8 Sc = "a
And when she had E8neS nd scouft stood
djeufee& BGakAsdned agSinA the wsllI
nd mused: -. -.
!" III be hanged mary dle best
voman on earthI I'll adopsa Chinaman
o take care of my ranchaGtlo my wash.
ne. Detroit Free Press.