The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-08-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

| n
get up and read the hymn, +" / will guide
thee with mine eye" oV
! WHAT'S the difference between a girl
and night-cap? One is born to wed,
and the other is worn to bed.
m DoS'r eat 'em green and sliced if you
Would like TO stay around;
Abstain il long you'd be GU
Cumber of the ground.
A DENTIST advertises that he inserts
teeth cheaper than anybody else. He
might find bulldog that would do it
still cheaper. .nasr.
CARE these soaps all one scent ?" in
quired lady of a juvenile salesman.
I" No, ma'am they're all ten cents, re-
piled the innocent youngster.
The person who advertised for a
young man to take care of a span of
horses of a religious turn of mind now
wants q cook to work in a kitchen of
pious character.
go, PLEASE, sir, I've brought your
shirt 'ome but mother says she can't
wash it no more, COS she was obliged to
paste it up agen the wall, and chuck
soap-suds at it, it's SO tender.
A sTRoNG-MINDED woman was heard to
remark, the other day, that she would
marry a man who had plenty of money,
though he was so ugly she had to scream
every time she looked at him.
EDO those bells sound an alarm of
fire ?" said a stranger the other Sunday,
as the church bells were calling together
the worshipers. eyes," was the reply.
"but the fire is in the next world"
"No, Pa" she said, tearfully; CT re-
nounce Theodore for ever, and 1 will
never marry him. I saw him in the re.
gatta when he had no shirt on, and I'll
never marry a man with wart on his
back -
"Why did you name that old horse
Napoleons" asked gentleman of ne
gro, whose horse was almost reduced to
a skeleton. "Why, marse, you see, it's
case the bony part is SO strong in him."
was the ready reply.
A WESTERN paper, in an obituary no.
tice of a subscribers son, says "He
was an uncommon smart boy. Had
little too much curiosity perhaps, or he
wouldn't have peered so fatally into the
muzzle OF his fathers shotgun"
LITTLE boy" Please, 1 want the
doctor to come and see mother" Ser
want" Doctors out. Where do you
come from?" Little boy" What Don't
you know me? Why, we deal with you.
We had baby from here last week.
A NEGRO being asked what he was in
jail for, said it was for borrowing
money. But" said the questioner,
"they don't put people in jail for bor-
| & W >,
darkey, but L had to knock the man
down free or TO times before he would
lend it to me-"
I" 1 DON'T know what you mean by not
being an Irishman," said a gentleman
who was about hiring boy, "but you
were born in Ireland" "Och, your
honor, if that's all, said the boy, "small
blame to that. Suppose your cat was to
have kittens IN the oven, would they be
loaves of bread Z" os rr.-.
"WHAT gender is sugar 2" asked q
teacher of the grammar class. i"'What
kind of sugar ?" asked boy. "What
kind 2" repeated the teacher. "What
has that to do with it ?" "Why, ii it's
maple sugar it's feminine gender" said
the boy. "Why feminine, gender %
asked the teacher, with puzzled face.
Because you can't tell its age"
promptly replied the boy a's'q svss'
THE San Diego (Cal. J World says
"San Diego has a young gentleman tel
egraphic operator, who, after repeated
calls for young lady operator in an
other Office, at last got a response, and
then, click, click, click Cfortissimo).
he telegraphed back to her vehementiy
Il have been trying to get you for the
last half hour In moment the fol-
lowing spicy reply came tripping back
to him over the wires from the tele-
graphic maiden That's nothing; there
is young man here who has been try
ing to do the same thing for the last two
years, and he hasn't got me yet. u"
SOLDIER, REST.
There n Russian came over the sea-
Just when the war was growing hot,
And his name il was Tialikavakaree-
karndobrolikanahndarot-
Schibkadirova-
Iyardtzstoya-
Sanaik-
Danerik-
Naragobhot.
Turk was standing upon the Shore
Right where the terrible Russian crossed.
And he cried Bismillah I'm Alb I'll Kor-
Bazaroukilgonautosgobross-
Getfinprayadi-
Kligekosladji-
Grivino-
Blvido-
Jenidodosklr
So they stood, like brave men, long and well:
And they called each other their proper Names
TIL the lockjaw seized them, and where they fell
They buried them both by the Irdoshola1nes-
kalataustchuk-
Mischtaribustceup-
Bulgari-
Dulbary-
Sagharimainz.
Huntington Ha,Ck-Eye.
A New Air-Gun.
Apatent has recently been granted to
a well-known fre-arm manufacturer in
Gotha, in Germany, for an improved
air-pistol, which is likely to be largely
adopted by the German army, not for
use on actual service, but as a means of
instructing men in shooting. The adj
vantages claimed for the new weapon
over any pattern of air-p1ln Drevious1v