The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-08-16
A nonular serial-Wheat.

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= Where may everlasting spring be
found? In an india-rubber factory.
- What kind of robbery is not dam
gerous? A safe robbery of course.
- People learn wisdom from expert,
ence. A man never wakes up his second
baby to see it laugh. i,
- Why does the wife of the reformed
drunkard rejoice9 Because her husband
doesn't liquor any more. :.
The historical oak under which, it
is said, Wesley preached his first sermon
in America, is still standing at Frederick,
Georgia. :,
"What makes your bread so dark 2
inquired the lady of the house Of the
cook. "If you please, marm, it's because
it was baked in cloudy weather." was
the reply. i.
A medical journal gives the anti
dotes to number of poisons, and adds !:
"These remedies must be given before
the doctor c6mes." By all means. Give
the patient at least one chance for his
life.
"A young woman from the rural dis
tricts entered dry goods store the other
day, and asked for u pair of stockings.
The clerk politely asked her what num-
ber she wore. why, two, you fool. Do
you think Pm centipede?"
u He was solemn looking stranger,
and he walked through the depot singing
"heaven is my home," when one of the
boys called out: "Then you are going
the wrong way, stranger. That is the
train to New York"
= A lot of street urchins paraded the
streets of St. Louis one day last week
with tin pan by way of drum, and a
huge paper banner bearing the inscrip.
ton: "We don't want bread. Wewant
cake and pie or bloodv'
A judge, joking a young lawyer,
said: eff you and | were turned into q
horse and an ass, which would you pre-
fer to be ?" 1.-The ass, to be sure" re-
piled the lawyer. "Ive heard OF an ass
being made judge, but horse never
A Frenchman, having heard the
word press made use of to signify persua-
sion, as 'Press that gentleman to take
something to eat," took occasion at a
party to use a term which he thought
synonymous, and asked friend to
squeeze young lady to sing.
- An aged man said: eff husbands
only had any sense they'd never have
any trouble with disobedient wives. |
never did, an have been married nigh
onto fifty years." "What is your Sc
cret?" asked friend. "Why, l always
tell my wife to do just as she pleases, an
she never fails to do it,"
A Christian merchant, who, from
beginning very poor boy, had risen to
wealth and renown, was once asked by
an intimate friend to what under God he
attributed his success in life. "To
prompt and steady obedience to my
parents" was the reply. "In the midst
of many bad examples of youths of my
own age, I was always able to yield a
ready submission to the will of my father
and mother; and l firmly believe that a
blessing has, in consequence, rested upon
me and all my efforts"
- Apropos of the tight-ftting dress
mania. At some of the leading Paris
stores they dress up young girls in the
newest mode, so that their customers may
see the effect of the style and material.
A lady, looking at one of these girls
dressed in robe that fitted exceedingly
close, asked her whether she could walk
about in it. Certainly, madame" was
the reply. "It's easy enough to prone
made in it, but can't go up or down
stairs"
The season at Saratoga Springs
seems to be at its hight for this year.
The great hotels are abouttwo-thirds full
but the clearinghouse are apparently
more crowded. Of the three great
houses, the United States seems to be do
ing the best, with 600 or 700 guests, the
Congress Hall next with perhaps 500,
and Che Grand Union, of largest capacity,
with perhaps 600. There is no falling
off in the popularity of Saratoga; on the
contrary, ii may we'll be said to be on the
gain as summer resort, and to be a long
way ahead of all other American water
ing places, but the supply of accommo,
dations grows faster than the increase Of
company, and may well now stop till the
demand catches up.