Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1877-05-23

~e~~~~c~e~~~s ~~Nr~rs~s~
To keep fish from smelling-Cut Of
their noses.-Washington Star.
A recently published notice OF :
marriage in Philadelphia concluded
with the announcement: ono cards
no flowers; nobody's business"
Among the attractions announced
on the advertising card of wei
known Philadelphia church, are free
seats and Ga beautiful receiving
vault" ~
Professor Proctor says the earth il
growing larger. We are glad to
hear it adds the Danbury many fol-
real estate has shrunk fearfully in the
past three years
Somebody asked Moody, in one Of
the Boston Tabernacle services, "Can
man use tobacco and be a christian p
His reply, eyes, filthy one" made
the people laugh.
A professional whistler adds his
musical services to the harmony OF
the choir of the Temple Church in
London. The effect is said to be all
that could be desired.
A New York statesman grated
some horscraddish for his wife, and
then sneezed and broke blood YES.
sci and died. Husbands will by and
by learn to sit on the veranda and
let domestic drudgery alone.
A New Hampshire man advertises
in his town paper this frank retrac.
ton: "This is to certify that l, Levi
Caldwell, am sorry for posting my
wife,. Abbie Caldwell, and think the
Bible forbids me doing So"
The other day father said to his
little boy, who came in too late to
dinner from school: "Robbie, why
are you so late? Didn't you hear the
bell p ayes, father" replied Robbie,
"but l couldn't hear it plain. Dos.
ton Advertiser.
Newspapers appear to think it fun
ny that the type-setters of the Couraut
made it announce the death of sub
scriber at AZ who had taken the pa
per so years. We cannot help it if
the people will order the Courant in
advance.-HarUord Courant.
sAll aboard for glory !" shouted an
Arkansas poker player, as he whip
ped out his six-shooter and blazed
away at his successful adversaries.
The whole affair only last two or
three minutes, but il removed some
of the most familiar names from the
bead-roll of Arkansas craftsmanship.
andrews Bazaar.
A Salem storekeeper has hit upon
the following plan to keep loafers
away from his corner: He waits I'M
til the crowd isa good sized one, then
he Sits cayenne pepper into feather
buster, goes out and gives his win
dows good brushing. An immedi-
ate stampede follows.
A Providence man who is fond of
statistics, conceived an idea about a
year ago that he would keep memo
randum to show just how many men
whom he should have dealings with
would do just as they agreed. Thus
far only four out of 62S have the
right kind of mark against them.
Oh, yes ! go South, young man. A
Northern gentleman who bought a
farm in Virginia a few years ago,
writes home: "Hard money or soft,
Hayes or any other man, put this in
your pipe and smoke it; as soon as
can sell, just SO soon you'll see a
mans coat tails standing ont straight
behind him. "-Ncr York CONNER
cial 4dcertiser.
Like the generality of kings and
lconquerors, Frederick the Great had
a most philosophic indifference to
death-in others. In one of his bat
ties, a battalion of veterans having
taken to their heels. he galloped after
them, bawling out, "Why do you run
away you old blackguards? Do you
| want to live forever 2"