The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1877-02-08
NAMING The TWINS.
Perplerity Of Mrs. B,uterVick 10 Find S,at-
able CognomenS for her lain 06grino.

Max Adeler.
A friend Of Butterwick's who staid at
his house short time after the twins
were born, overheard the following con-
versation between the fond parents one
night after all hands had retired. He
was in an adjoining room;
Mrs. B.-What shall we call the twins,
Henry, dear?
B.-O ] dunno. Almost any good
names. How would Moses and Aaron
do ? or Cain and Able?
Mrs. B.-You ought to be ashamed Of
yourself to wantto name one of your own
children after murderer! You might
have hunted the whole Bible through
without finding anything worse.
B,-O well, call them Shadrach, Me-
shach, and Abednego, then"
Mrs. B.-You know very we'll that
there are only two twins, and that they
can't have three names divided equally
between them. | hate Scripture names
anyhow. want to call them after some
distinguished man.
B.-Well, name one of them Butler
and the other Schurz.
Mrs. Bid rather die on the spot
than have child of mine named after
an undergarment
B,-How'll Bismark and Gutchakoff
suit you
Mrs. B.-Butterwick, you know can't
abide those German names. You would
inflIct curse on your innocent boy if
you would send him through the world
with such name as Bismark Butter
wick. You know very we'll you would.
prefer an American name. One that
belongs to this country.
B,-Very well, then, call one of them
Spotted Tail and the other Hole-in.the-
Day. Those are indigenous to this con-
tinent.
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwick, if you are
going to turn the subject into ridicule, |
will get up and dress myself and 90 down
stairs. You shant insult me to my face,
anyhow You know we'll enough that /
meant some white American name.
B,-How would Smith and Jones an
swer
Mrs, Bid rather bury both of them
in one grave, Why don't you suggest
some distinguished American name?
Bob, all right; there's Benedict Ar
mold and Martin Van Buren,.
Mr.. B.-They shall never have those
names with my consent.
B.-How about Adams?
Mrs, B.-That's only one name, and
there are two babies.
B'-Well, call one "A" and the other
"Dams." ."
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwick, if you use
language like that again I'll go home to
mothers this very night,
B.-Well, then, if you must have the
names of celebrated Americans, call one
"Tilly Slowboy' and the other TOO
dies"
Mrs. B.-Were they prominent men ?
| don't remember hearing about them
before.
B.-Why, my dear, they both signed
the Declaration of independence, and
Slowboy was Vice President under
Washington. If you want straight out
revolutionary patriots those are your
men.
Mrs, B What did Mr.. Toodles do?
B,-Louisa, am surprised at your
ignorance Don't you know that he
commanded the army at Valley Forge?
Mrs. B.-I don't think much of their
names anyhow. Say over some others.
B.-Lemme see. Well, now there's
Mephistopheles, and
Mrs. B.-What did you say he did?
B.-Did2 Why he commanded the
frigate Constitution in the war of 1872,
and he was killed while mailing the
American flag to the mast.
Mrs, B.-And you want to name one
of your children after him?
B.--Certainly. Why not? Noble old
patriot Did he not die in defense of
-. Why Louisa, what are you going
to do?
Mrs, B.-Why, I'm going to quit this
house and take the twins with me and
stay away forever. know just as we'll
as you do that Mephistopheles is another
name for the devil I've seen him atthe
opera, 1t is perfectly infamous for you
to suggest such a name for your own
flesh and blood. don't believe in your
Slowboys or Toodles either. I'm certain
that you have been telling scandalous
stories, and now I'm going to leave,
Then Butterwick was heard to use a
persuasive tone with Mrs. B., and finally
She made up with him. The twins
eventually were baptized John and
Henry.