The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1877-12-27
WIT AND HUM0R.

ous WealIleF, girls, IL bTlHSs you lleHtS y
of chaps.-.St. Louis Journal
, A SABBATH school scholar was asked
: what Adam lost when he fell? and he re-
piled. Il suppose it was his balance" "
: TmAr's what call monkey wrench,
The witty Snowman said,
When the big gorilla grabbed his air,
Aud.twisted back his head.
WHEN a Boston girl accepts a lover
r she says, " Beams it's you, yes" When
a New York girl accepts a lover she
says, "Cents it's you, yes"
: THE Cleopatra needle question has
changed, says an English journal, from
"Where shall we have site for it?" to
, "When shall we have sight of it?'
SLEEPING car conductors are generally
, pleasHnt. """tlnmenly fellows. And yet,
strange To 50, one always likes them TO
, give him a wide berth.-N. \. Weekly.
4 NEW ORLEANS editor who saw a
lady making for the only empty seat in
car found himself "crowded out to
make room for more interesting matter"
THE care with which critical journal
in New York is made up may be seen
from the prominent headline Of one of
its departments, "VUSIC."
| APPLES are only twenty-five cents per
bushel in some portions of Virginia, but
see how wise nature is. In those same
districts gum is three cents per stick
Free Press.
EVERY woman who ma rries should
have some idea of cookery, but the truth
is that nine out of ten who marry can
not tell whether icicles should be cooked
with their jackets on or of.-Ne'c YORK
Herald
of one could change himself into any
animal he pleased" said Il pompous
young man, Il should prefer to change
myself into an ass" "That would not
be much of change" said a satirical
lad.
A NANTUCKErp has raised wheat
from seed found in the hand of an
Egyptian mummy. He is now expert
menting with corns taken from the
mummy's feet.-PUck.
"WHAT constitutes marriage?" asks
/ the Boston AdrGtjser. Getting down to
one cigar day, in order to pour money
into the Golfers of the man who sells
striped stockings Worcester Press BACH
+ elOr
/ A RECENT article shows that Washing
! ton once laughed. Thus perishes an
other classic structure. Wearc prepared
to hear now that the Egyptian obelisk
was once used for BARRIERS pole.
"WHAT is your chief consolation in
lifew asked pastor of young lady in
his Bible class The young lady blushed
and hesitated, but on the question being
repeated, the ingenious maiden said:
a don't like to tell you his name, but |
have no objection to tell you where he
( lives"
A LITTLE fellow, five or six years old,
who had been wearing undershirts much
too small for him, was one day, after
having been washed, put into garment
as much too large as the other had been
too small. Our six-year-old shrugged
his shoulders, shook himself, walked
around, and finally burst out with, "Ma,
| do feel awful lonesome in this shirtn'
A BROTHER of Bishop Clark was one
of the wittiest men alive. 1t runs in
the family. He once went to see one of
his parishioners, a lady with prodgious
family, which had recently been in
creased. As he rose to leave, the lady
stopped him with "but you have not
seen my last baby" "No," he quickly
replied; and Inever expect to" Then
! he fed.
| DANGER attends teaching the cate
chism for purposes of exhibition. When
the committees came to examine the
class, each boy knew what question he
would be asked and what answer would
be expected. 1t so happened, however,
that one lad was missing, and the ques-
ton, Did God make YOU" was put to
the next in order. The reply was orig
inal and astounding, "No sir; the boy
that God made has gone home with the
/ toothache."
/ ONE of the most marvellous things in
| the universe of wonders is the wonderful
assimilating power of quiniHe. When
taken for ague in the pure state, a man
will sometimes take twenty grains at Il
dose, and not feel it. But when the
same medicine is mixed with whisky, for
an ague cure, quarter of grain ofqui-
nine to barrel of whisky, is a maximum
dose, and is found by the patient to be
beneficial and stimulating in the extreme.
-Hawkeye.
A GENTLEMAN presents himself at the
bureaus of the Exposition, and says to
the clerk, | want to exhibit my wife"
"Your wite| says the stupeied clerk;
"your wife WhyY
F" Because, sir, she is a model woman;
one that has never given her husband
cause for jealousy; as faithful and kind
as ten old dog trays"
Sure of itP"
i" / will swear it, sir"
"Then it's you that ought to be put
on exhibition. ."-Pdris Paper.
TURKISH beggars, sufferers of the pres
ent war in the east, have put in an ap-
pearance. One of these mendicants pre-
sented himself at the door of an uptown
residence lately, with his hat extended
in supplicatory manner, and mutter-
ing, "Allah Bishmallah goloshes rusta-
chuk," or something that way. Whenla
cross dog came up and seized mouth
full of his baggy breeches he exclaimed
"Git out o that We dirty brute, or II,
knock off the head o ye." He knew the
dog wouldn't understand the Turkish
language.-Norrist0aCn Herad.'
A MAN from Boston, would not confess
astonishment at anything he saw in Ne
vada. As he was passing hotel in Vir
ginia City, cap blew from one of the
chimneys 1t was a circular piece of
sheet iron, painted black, slightly con-
vex, and the four supports were like
legs. The wind carried it down street,
and it went straddling along like a living
thing. The Boston man inquired what
it was. GA bed bug from the hotel"
, was the reply. by George, / never
saw anything like that" he began, and
, then added, " outside of Boston"
| CIVILIZATION has done much toward
disseminating beautiful ideas of human
ity; but civilization can't successfully sit
, on the sympathetic thrill in man 5
breast, when he reads of the opening of
the cock-fghting season, and learns that
in the the first main black-red gouged
the eyes out of ginger-pyle and retired
to private life with the loss of his own
comb and with yesidue of two tail-feath
ers and one spur.-Puck.
He was troubled at nights with pain