The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-01-20
VARIETY.

lie ran three squares after what he though
was a street Car light, and after he got out o
breath he laid down on the doorstep disgusted !: il
was only lightning bug on his spectacles.-[N
o. Bulletin.
A NEw RELIGIOUS SEcF.-Russia has a new re-
ligious sect, one of whose leading tenets is thai
man is subordinate to woman, and shall confess
his sins 10 his wife at least once a week. We
always thought man became I" lord of creation
through some misunderstanding.
This is what the Baptist clergyman of Boston,
q. F. Pentecost, says of the liberal clergy in
that city, according to an editorial statement in
the Boston Times: Well, Murray, and Hale
and Savage, and such men, are able, smart men,
but thay have no religion. It is not christian
ity," rejOined Mr.. Pentecost. "Y You admit they
are able men," we timidly remarked. "Yes,
they are smart, but Satan is smart"
FRENCH BAcHELoR.-If we may believe the
the London World, declines to marry until he
can be of crowding all the "true happiness
of married life into one week" His idea is to
marry an heiress on Monday, have a son and heir
on Tuesday, see him baptised Wednesday,
have his mother-in-law die on Thursday, take
old lady on Saturday, and ON Sunday take pos.
session of the fortune. Is not this man aware
that it wouldn't be right?
EpIrIsG A PAPER.-The majority of readers
seem to think that nothing be more easy
than to edit a paper, but of all difficult employ
ments by which men make their bread and
butter, there is none, we firmly believe, that so
taxes the mind, temper and flesh, as that of edit
ing q paper. There il none that requires a nicer
tact, q sounder judgment, more constant appli-
cation, a quicker wit, or kinder heart.
churlish temper could never succeed as an editor
nor a narrow minded man, nor an unforgiving
one.-Od FslLOICs' Banner.
A THREE-YEAR OLD PRAYER MEETING.--Two
little girls at townsville, Jennie Gray and Aggie
war ~
themselves one day last week, in the upper hall,
while the older folks were in the parlor below.
Jennie was standing dangerously near the stairs
and singing, while Aggie knclt near her, making
a prayer. Aggie rose mp suddenly and tipped
Jennie over down the stairs. Aggie tried to save
her, and they both went down together. Jennie
began to cry little, when she thought that the
accident might have been caused in the regular
OF business, so she put the inquiry, "Aggie
did you get up to speakf'
They ought to carry this cremation idea a
little further" solemnly remarked Chicago
father before his household last evening, " just
enough to introduce the heather custom of burn
ing mans wife up with him, as they do among
the Hindoos.
"Ah, yes, father, - replied the eldest daughter,
sitting near, but in this age you wOuldn't find
many wives who could be Hindoosed to try thatn'
The father started, looked at that girl minute
over his spectacles, " ahemed" violently, and
then asked her If it wasn't about time she went
10 Ded.-lCnlcaSO JOurnai
Az OYER ANXIOUS MAN.-He was around yes
terday afternoon inquiring after " the latest"
and he looked so hard up and knocked about
that many wondered what possible benefit poll
tical victory could be to him. When they made
bold to ask him he replied:
.swen, YOU see, my brother Bill is fishing
for the Office Of Secretary of War"
"He is, eh ?' -EsR
eyes, sir; and if he gets it he will have
brother Sam appointed Revenue Collector"
"Yes."
And then Sam win get the old man appointed
Postmaster .'' +
YES
And the old man will get my brOther-in-law
on as a letter-carrier.'
"Yes."
"And my brother-in-hw will use his influence
to get me appointed weghmaster of the Western
District, and then the whole family viii walk
about in clover knee-deep. You see how much
depends upon this thing. How's Florida gone p
Detroit Free Press.
A Jonesboro' negro, while waiting for the
train to 90 out last night, struck up with several
old acquaintances. How is Jeems Robersonf 2
asked one, after the usual slime of day had been
passed. - 80,
Jonesboso' darkey.
Il amt heerd fun Jim since he cut loose fun
de chain gang He amt down with the bilious
ness, is hep
sOh, no! Jim amt sick, an he ain { bin sick.
He jes wanted fer ter ride Mars Bob Proetor's
mule de udder Sunday, an de mule 'peered to
have anudder Engagement. / done bin fool wild
dat mule before, an told Jim he better not get
tangled up wild her. But he lowed he wuz boss
doctor; an den he axed me for a chew of terbac-
ker, an got de bride, an cotch de mule, and
got on her--well, spec better go gitmy ticket.
Dey tell me dis train goes a callyhootin. u ~,
Hold on, you amt tole us bout Jim,' said
one of his dusky auditors.
Il done tole you all know. Jim got on de
mule, an she sorter hump herself, an den der
wuz scufie, and when de dus' blow way see
de Niger on de groun' and de mule eatin' at de
troff Wid one Nv Jim's gallusses wropped roun'
her hine leg. Den afterwards de kurn'er he
come an sed Jim died sorter accidental-like.
Hits ies like 1 tell you; de niger wuzn't sick
minnit Well, got ter be gittin' on. So long,