The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-11-24
He Wanted Solid 'Rithmetic Facts.
cincinnati sunday Breakfast Table. I

in the West End When he was a boy
the public school privileges fell several
notches short of what they are at the
present time, and Swarkins grew up to
manhood without acquiring more than
a passing acquaintance with the alpha
bet. He might be able to pick you out
a capital A now and then, guess at B
every time he didn't stumble on an K,
and perhaps bring you V, if he didn't
slip up on Y. He often brags that he
can spot an o every time, because its
the only letter with no nonsense about
it in the whole "caboodle," but the
others are so apt to shoot out a prong
or some little curlique too shy to step
out and face a man unused TO looking
at anything smaller than sheep-skin,
that he wouldn't want to have anybody
take more than nominal amount of
stock in his judgment. As he says
himself, he "don't have book larnin'
enough to tell when the moon changes,
but no man in Cincinnati can guess
closer to the weight of a green hide"
than he. He has level head, which
contains good deal of shrewdness, and
with all his disadvantages has managed
to accumulate much more worldly wealth
than many other men of higher talents
For the last five or six years he
has had n confidential clerk, who at
| tended to all his correspondence, book
keeping, etc. This clerk was an ordi-
nary man, not above mediocrity in
qualifications, but he had obtained great
Importance in the eyes of his employer,
| by parading his scholarship in such
| M that ba 10 ha I'd al
man of wonderful attachments. In
short he came "Silas Wegg" over the
simple old man in manner that would
have made that wooden-legged old fraud
rub his sandpapery" hands in glee.
The clerk never impaired the slightest
information concerning accounts to the
untutored Swarkins without first making
use of writing materials. He managed
his part so skillfully that his pay was
made much more liberal than he de-
served, and enabled him in the few
years of his employment to accumulate
sufficient capital to set up shop for him
self He took his departure for the
West about mid summer, and a new
man was installed in his place-an
honest, well-qualified young fellow, who
secured the situation through the recon-
mendation of business man in whom
Swarkins had the highest confidence.
But Swarkins was disappointed in the
young man. He didn't use his pencil
and paper quite enough to suit his ideas
OF verified accuracy, and the simple old
tanner soon came to the conclusion that
the youngster depended little too much
on good luck and guess-work for the in
terests of the business. Scarcely day
passed that he did not blow him up for
the other day the young man would
most certainly have been set adrift and
told to look for another job, had he not
had sufficient tact to take the cue and
fall into the groove that pleased his en-
ployer. This was the way of it:
A man from Kentucky was talking to
Swarkins, trying to sell him a lot of
bark, at eight dollars cord
CHATS too much" said the old man,
| can do better"
"Well, now see here, Swarkins, | tell
you what I'll do. If you'll take an
even hundred cords I'll let you have it
for seven dollars. How's that strike
your
"That's more like it," said Swarkins,
putting a full grown chew of tabacco
where the dampness wouldn't hurt it,
and then turning to the clerk, he asked
"Bill, whatll hundred cord O bark
come to at seven dolla- a cord ?"
"Seven hundred dollars" replied
William, quicker than a hungry dog
could bolt cold potato.
"There you go with yer dod-rotted
guess-work agin. Bung your eyes, boy
Didn't / tell you yesterday I wouldn't
stand any more Of it? TAKE ont your
pencil an fgger! By all the watts in the
beam-housel what the bark-a-te-ba bark
grind-ding-dongl do you s'pose l hire
you for? when want guess-work kin
do it myself as well as anybody! This is
a big trade, an l don't want no trustin'
to luck about it, want the solid 'rith-
metic fax. Tan your lazy, good-for-
nothin' hide, man! won't put up with
this thing any longerl Take out ger
pencil an .fgger, | tell you! l want to
know what the Rule O Three has to say
about it. In mighty short order, too.
No more O yer shilly-shallyin'-f gger or
leave! tell you"
And the good old soul got Tuning mad,
and bounced around, and shook his
clenched fists, and swore and spit, and
wouldn't subside or hear any explana-
lions until the clerk had fingered"
all over whole side of foolscap, filling
it with more algebraic and geometric |
signs than ever crawled into tannery
before, while old Swarkins looked de-
lightedly over his shoulder, and told |
him that was the way to earn his salary,
and that hereafter he must do it or move |
on and make room for man who would.
The clerk now thinks ne understands
his boss, and whenever he is asked how
much ten pounds of salsoda will cost at
fifteen cents pound, the young man
scatters the multiplication table all over
his desk sharpens his pencil several
times, writes two or three verses of I'M
inspired poetry, and in the course of
fifteen or twenty minutes says, with
confident air that braces his employer
right up
A dollar and half, SIR"
THE body of a man named Trout was |