The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-09-15
VARIETY.

Detroit Free Press =. Don't go to the Black
Hills to get rich. 1t is far easier to organize a
life insurance company and pay yourself salary
Of $50 900 per year"
Beecher weighs $50 pounds, without any
liver in his pocket, and he ought to sing =
To the spirit its splendid coDjectures;
To the flesh its sweet despair.
There are nine things that will make a man
mad but one is enough when his wife tells him
be can't have any dinner because she couldn't
get the wash boiler off the stove in time.
fashionable lady recently went into a
broadway store for pair of gold sprinkled
Stockings Then she said they were so high
priced that she would take only one.
Rome Sentinel:-'' The Moravia Register
asks, Are American girls delieatep 1t de-
bends very much whether you offer them cocoa
nut cake and ice cream, or a bar of soap and
d washboard.
Louisville Courier Journal go When q man
Of the name of Edmunds goes to Boston to live
he becomes Edmands. What becomes of the
more familiar Jones is not known" Sometimes
he becomes James.
Warning to tea-drinkers =" Hayn't been
well What has been the matter, then, Betty"
Betty Well, 1 dunno whether it's cos I'm
fond o. nv tay, but the doctor he do say I'm
suffering from a bronze kettle affection"
81 shouldn't like to be an oarsman,'' said
Jones' "Why not?" asked Green. Because
an oarsman has so many pull-backs," replied
Jones and then the two youths shook hands,
and went out to buy something.
A witty French lady who was an adopted"
member of famous military corps, when q
cigar was lighted in her presence with the
remark, '' suppose they smoke in your regl-
naent ?'' said, "Yes, but not in my company
The Temperance Committee of the English
House of Lords has at length decided the much
vexed question as to when man is drunk, the
decree being that a man IN q state OF lnebriety
cannot becalIed drunk until he is too far gone
90 walk.
A fashionable paper announces that in Paris
ever 7thing in female attire is worn just now
with frayed edges, making it difficult to distin-
Ruish ragged dresses from whole ones. This
has been done, it is supposed, with benevolent
intentions toward small incomes; though it is
difficult to believe it, even on authority. The
most appropriate comment seems to be '' Hem ~
Judy.
A Norwich man who went to the Black Hills
a year ago has written home that he has been
captured by the Indians, and probably will be
unable to return for fifteen or twenty years
His wife believes it, and is trying to get the
Government to organize an expedition to save
him from torture and death. Woman's conf
dence in man seems at times too beautiful to be
exposed to the rude criticism of the world.
TRAINS SPEAKNG.-George Francis Train
falks at the rate of $50 words minute and
occasionally pauseS tor breath. Ihese pauSe6
seem to annoy him, and it is his habit to fill
hem by putting the question before the house
md calling for the yeas and nays. His auditors
always like to make noise, and an affirmative
reeponse follows as matter OF course, and the
lecturer, having regained his breath, proceeds
with his remarks. An audience at Rochester
on June 9th was betrayed by these tactics into
a very unfortunate expression of opinion. He
had been complaining that Christianity consigned
to perdition such persons as Shakespeare, Byron,
franklin and Washington, who were not within
the pale of church membership. " If 1 ever
know hereafter he exclaimed, ''I want to
be where L can feel the wondrous influence OF
these great men, and 1 want to be able to grasp
their extended hands, even if have to 60 to hell
to do it, ' And, by the way he added,
gasping for breath and apprehending the ap-
proach of pause, Sc all those in favor OF going
to hell with me say aye" From all quarters
of the house came mechanically the laundering
response " ayeI" Then they Strengthened them
selves in their chairs and reflected calmly on the
pleasure trip to which they had prematurely
committed themselves.