The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-12-22
He Wanted ShOrtcake.

YESTERDAY forenoon people passing
out of the north doors of the City Hall
observed a man about fifty years of age,
clad as farmer, seated on the stone
steps, and chewing away at such mon
strous quid of gum that his hair flew up
every time his jaws came together. He
was enjoying himself as well as any
body can in country full of ague, pol
iticians and lightning-rod men, when a
young man about twenty years old and
a woman of fifty, evidently his mother,
got out of a one-horse wagon on the
west side, made the faded old animal
fast to a post, and started into the hall
to see the Chief of Police. Fate led
them around the flat-iron corner to the
north door, and as they assembled the
steps they walked directly upon the
gum-chewer. All of them gave a start
of surprise, and it was half a minute
before the little old woman called out:
"Look at him, Tumus-see how
'shamed and sneaking he looks!'
"Who's ashamed?'' demanded the
old man, as he stopped chewing and
missed a motion.
"You be, and you know itr' she
snarled. "You went to bed mad, got
up in the night and sneaked out, and
you must have looked purity digging
into town through the mud by moon
lightr'
Don't 1 own MYSELF" he grimly
asked between his chews.
"See here, dad" said the son, whose
mouth seemed to water for part of the
gum, "you know you have made fool
of yourself, and you might as well own
it up, and come along home. If this
thing gets out the neighbors will bore
you to DEATH
I'm right on the deathr' sorrowfuls
ly answered the father, reaching into
his mouth with his fingers to turn the
quid over. elf can't be respected in
my own house | might as well drink
boss medicine and dien'
"What nonsenser' urged the wife.
"You know you got mad first"
Hadn't right top he solemnly
asked. "When the man of the house,
who has broken his back to make
eighty-seven acres of bowling wilder
ness pan out produce till you can trest-
w IL
supper hasn't he right to expect that
the shortcake will be thar when he sits
down to the table,"
"But | understood you to say pam
cakes, and L made pancakes" she pro-
tested.
Eyes, I saw 'em thar" he softly
said as he spit way off down the steps.
Its putty small, dad, putty small"
observed the son as he felt in his
pockets for something to chew on.
"There's the boss and wagon out there,
and you want to come along home.
The fust thing you know everybody will
be calling you Shortcake Jones, and
I'll be run down, and mall be run
down, and we can't sell the farm for ten
dollars
eyes, come along, William" pleaded
the old lady.
"Pd kinder like to 60 back to the old
place and see if things look natural,
he unused, ''but l dunno. As long as
don't amount to nothin' nor nobody
around thar, might as well stay in the
city. Here they all take me for big
gun, and over forty ladies have smiled
at me this morning"
1.-The jadesH' gasped his wife.
dad, that's a whopper, and you
know it!'' said the son, whose jaws had
instinctly been keeping time with those
of his father; "you are either going
home or I'll have the police put you
where you won't see shortcake once in
ten yearsn'
"See thar-didn't say soP-didn't
say was nothin' more'n a scrub in my
own houseP exclaimed the old man.
"Come along-you shall have lots of
shortcake," whispered the wife, pulling
at his arm.
"No--ean't do it-not without guar
antees," he stitily replied.
What do you want, William?''
"Well, s'pose | want shortcake for
supperP"