Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1877-03-01


How He LOST HIS DAMAGEs.-Soon after
dinner, Thursday, a citizen entered lawyers
office, and began:
IN y wife has been bitten by dog"
"Good p replied the lawyer. "You must
claim damages in the sum of FIVE hundred
dollars"
"Yes; she was bitten three times by the
BRUTE" continued the husband, "and of course
I want damages"
"Well, now, you 60 home and tell your
wife to 90 to bed and stay there for at least a
week. Have her groan and take on, and
suffer great pain and distress, and call in her
neighbors to witness her suferings Well
Just make the man who owned that dog get
up and howl"
The man left in joyful frame Of mind,
and yesterday be came back, looking sor-
rowful.
"No use trying" he said, sadly shaking his
head. my wife waited just long enough to
find out that the dog wasn't mad, and then
she started out to make twenty-five calls this
afternoon, and I guess we haven't gotta case." )"
Roors TO SoAK.-Men who love rum will
resort to almost any expedient to obtain it un.
der adverse circumstances. The town of
Dedham is under prohibition law, apotheca-
ries alone being permitted to sell alcoholic
stimulants. The other day son of the EN-
erald Isle entered drug store there, and, ia
king bottle from his pocket, asked for a
quart of whiskey. The salesman asked to
what use it was to be put, and the reply was
"to soak roots in" The order was filled, and
the clerk, after handing over the bottle and its
contents, inquired, in a conversational man.
ner:
"What kind of roots are you going to soak2'
Pocketing the bottle, the customer said:
"The roots of me tongue, be jabers?'
A CATAsTRoPHE.-An old lady was going
to Stamford, Conn, to visit daughter, and
took her seat in the cars for the first time in
her life. During the ride, the car in which
she was seated was thrown down an embank-
ment and demolished. Crawling out from
beneath the debris, she spied man who was
held. down in sitting posture by his legs be,
ing fastened. "Is this Stamford ?" she anx.
iously inquired. The man was from Boston.
He was in considerable pain, but he did not
lose sight of the fact that he was from Boston
so he said, "No, this is catastrophe" "O,'
calculated the old lady, "then I hadn't ought
er got off here"
COULDN'T ACCOUNT FOR IT.-A promising
youth of only seven summers, who had been
accused of not always telling the truth, cross
examined his father. "Father did you use tc
lie when you were boy% mo, my son.
said the paternal, who evidently did not recall
the past with any distinctness. "Nor mother
ether?' persisted the young lawyer. "No!-
but why :" 90! because l don't see how two
people who never told lie could have boy
that tells as many as l do"
BLIND IN ONE EYE.-"Gentlemen, I CAM
lie about the horse. He is blind in one eye,
said the auctioneer. The horse was soon
knocked down to spectator who had been
greatly struck by the auctioneer's honesty
After paying for the horse, he said, "You
were honest enough to tell that this animal
was blind in one eye-is there any other de
fect?" Eyes, sir, there is. He is also blind
in the other eye," was the prompt reply.
ANY QUESTION He L1KED.-A prisoner
unrepresented by counsel, was in the dock
charged with misdemeanor, After the com
planning witness had given bis testimony, the
Judge asked the prisoner if he wished to ques
tion the witness "What shall I ask him p
inquired the prisoner. "You may ask any
thing you like" "Then, with your Honor's
permission" said the prisoner. Il will ask the
witness to lend me five dollars"
A CoBBLER's LAST WoRDs.-"I feel thai
wax weaker each succeeding day, and thai
I am fast approaching my end; few more
stitches and all will be over; and shall e
where there is rest for the weary sole, and eve
ry sorrow will be heeled." Having said aw
be wished, he calmly breathed bis last.