The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1877-10-12
Mr.. THORPE AND WIDOW soTTs.
Their Mutual Confessions.

Mr.. Thorpe is a middle-aged widower
and some time ago he paid his addresses tt
Mrs. Bolts, a widow on the shady side Of
forty. Thorpe is rich, and after the widow
accepted him, he began to fear that maybe
she had taken him for his money, and SO he
concluded to test her to ascertain if she
really loved him for himself alone. So one
evening when they were sitting together in
the parlor he said to her:
Hannah, I've something unpleasant to
tell you, but I'm going to do if, because l
consider it right that you should know it.
Hannah, what would you say if / informed
you that one of my knee pans is gone. and
that I always wear patent hinge on that
legs"
81 should say that care nothing for
that, my dear; have only one toe on my
left foot. The others were frostbitten off,
and the ankle is all twisted around and
crooked"
"You don't tell me ~ said Thorpe.
"Well, but I've something worse than that.
| might as we'll confess now that the bald
place on the top of my head is not really
my scalp; I've been trepanned. have a
silver plated concern set into my skull, a
kind of skyllght. You can lift it up and
see down inside of me-"
"pm glad you mentioned it, DEAR" said
the widow, "for it gives ME courage to
tell you that I haven't a hair of my own on
my head. I am as bald as chandelier
globe"
"Is that so? Gracious l never should
have suspected it. But you will be sur
prised to learn that none of my teeth are
natural. All false, and besides I have to
wear an India rubber thingamagig ON my
palate to keep it from always dropping
down."
"rm very sorry for you, John, but it's
some comfort that all my teeth are false
too, and that am perfectly blind in my
right eye. 1t looks like good eye, but it
amt worth a cent"
"Great Heavens ! Why didn't you
tell me of this before" exclaimed Mr.
Thorpe. 'But while we are on the sub
.iect, I will say further that have chronic
torpidity of the liver. How does that strike
you? ?'
"Oh, Idon't doubt it," said Mrs. B., "be-
cause have been bilious and dyspeptic for
20 years, and besides l am one rib short.
II was broken in railroad accident, and
the doctor had to cut it out. I'm subject
to fits, too"
"Thls is horrible" said Thorpe. "Mrs.
Bolts, I think you ought to have mention
ed these things to me when I proposed to
you. imagined thatI was addressing
woman, complete human creature. But
what are you Mrs. Botts9 Mrs. Bolts, you
appear to me to be hind of = dlapidated
old wreck, with not more than half of the
usual machinery about you. It's wonder
you don't fall to pieces"
81 am no worse than you are. You said
yourself that you have a trap-door in the
top of your head, and gum elastic pal
ate."
eyes, but these things amt true" said
Thorpe. 81 only told you about them to
see if you really loved me. Pm as sound as
dollar, no inactive liver, or silver-plated
skull, or anything. But you seem to be
kind of strung together, SOS if you should
knock against anything you'd scatter all
around over the carpet. think you ought
to let me off"
every well, sir, SO will. But let me
tell you that I've got nothing the matter
with me either, I only invented those sto-
ries to try you, because knew you were
playing game over me. Now, know
you don't love me. You can go, SIR"
"Hannah, take it all back. I do love
you"
"Do you, really? Then love you more
than
But no the curtain had better be drawn
right here. The cold aud selfish world has
no business with such scenes as this.
They are to be consolidated early next
month.-Maa AdeEer IN the Philadelphia
Bulletin.