The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1877-12-07
"Do You Keep n Pigl-

some men rush upon the stage OF
daily life, roar out their wants and
wishes, aud leave whirl of dust behind
them as they vanish. Not so with the
individual | am about to mention. He
carefully approached house on Can
field Avenue. Instead of entering the
yard by the gate hc climbed over the
fence. There was door-bcll, but he
/ didn't ring it. lie used his knuclSles on
the panels of the door, and he went
through regular programme. His first
knock was gentle tap, just about hard
enough to make n mosquito wonder
what was going on. The second would
have killed fly. The third would have
staggered bumblebcc, and the fourth,
fifth and sixth were each harder than
the one before. As he was preparing
to knock for the sixth time the door was
opened. A woman stood there with a
fierce look in her eyes, and -four on hci
hands. She had been called from her
baking by the continuous and aggravat.
ing rap! rap! rap. and she didn't feel
good.
"Madam," began the man in whis.
per, edo you keep pig?r
ono, sir!" she exclaimed.
"Madam, don't YOU know that there
is four hundred per cent. profit in keep.
ing pigY
"What do you want" she demanded
in spiteful voice.
81 want to know" he gently replied
"if YOU keep pig!"
"No, sir, we don'tw
"Why don't you." he sadly asked.
"Nonc of your business, sir, and I'd
like to know what you are hanging
around here for?"
81 called here, madam, to see if YOU
kept pig
"And told you we didn't, and we
never have and never shallr
"Tm very sorry to find you so pre-.
JUDGED against pigs" he sighed as he
sat down on the step-railng and wiped
his nose on the back of his hand.
She felt mad, and yet men didn't
come every day and talk about pigs, and
her woman's curiosity compelled her to
say:
"Well, suppose l did keep pig, what
thcn?'
off you had a pig, that pig would
have to be fed, wouldn't it?'
eyes, sir
NO woman could have the heart tc
hear poor pig squcaling for food and
not feed it, could she?'
"No."
"Wcll, then, suppose you had a pig, =
he went on. ''Supposc that pig was
nervous and uneasy, up at all times o
night, tearing around day times, and
carrying melancholy expression OF
countenancc from May to November
Some hogs arc content, and grow fat
Other are restless, and you can't put
lard on their ribs to save your life."
"What do care about hogs or pigs p
she suddenly broke in.
"Nothing-nothing at ALL" he whis.
pcred. 81 was merely supposing that
you had one in a pen behind the house
| was then going on to suppose that
your pig was of a restless, nervous tenn.
permanent, never satisfied with the pres
ent, but always grasping for something
beyond. That being the case, | have
here an article which l call Parsons
Pig Soother.' 1t is composed of veget-
ables, can be given in any sized doses,
stands in any climate, and is
"You vile"-she was interruptino
him, when he waved his hand and went
on.
"And it is the only thing in the mar.
ket which will answer the purpose. A
medium sized dose has an instantaneous
effect on squealing pig. He at once
begins to feel that he has reached the
goal of his ambition. lie is satisfied
that he has got good thing, and"-
81 want you to leavew she screamed
"And it would do your soul good to
see him root over the trough and stretch
out for an afternoon nap. 1t tones
down his nerves, satisfies his craving
and makes him content with
"Will you leave!" she howled, look
ing all over the hall for a weapon.
81 will, madam will. If you dc
not keep pig my 'Soother' would be o
no use to you. was simply supposing
case"
"Well, I'll suppose our dog chew,
YOU up-here, Tige-here, Tige-here
Tige!'
"And will suppose can get through
the gate first, madam" he calmly said
as he slid of the steps.
He was the best supposer. There
was all of nine inches between the dog'i
teeth and his calf as he banged the gate
back.