Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-09-13


Its mouth I'D order to make both ends
meet.-New Orleans Picayune.
An Arkansas editor says that when he
was in prison for hbeling Justice of the
Peace, hewas requested by the jailer to
give the prison a puff
When you kiss a Boston girl, she
holds still till you are through, when
she flares up all at once, and says: a
think you should be ashamed"
Chicago Tribune: Sixty New York
conductaires on the Second avenue line
of cairs have gone to jail for gobbling
fares paid to them by passengaires.
First Newsboy-Here's your great fire,
only 2cents. Second Newsboy (who sells
5-cent papers Who wants a little 2-cent
ire? Here's Your fire for cents :
Cincinnati Saturday Night
At the Picture Gallery.-Ladv with
catalogue =" No. So, Eve TEMPTED. ;"
Gentleman (desirous to know the paint
ers name =" Who by" Lady shocked
at his ignorance" Why-by the Devil,
of course, Cripple.
I'm poor man, and my father was
a cooper" said an opponent to Tom
Marshall upon one occasion. Doubt
less his father was a COOPER" replied
Tom, " but he put mighty poor head
to one of his whisky-barrels."
Catching Tartar-Governess do
you know, Ernest, that l heard Of a lit
tie boy not older than you who can read
and write we'll, and who has begun Lat
IMP" Ernest: 4" Oh, | say, what a jolly
good teacher he must have g'-Punch.
1t didn't suffice for Mr.. Johnson to
remark at o'clock the other morning,
after stumbling up to Mrs. Johnson and
bed. G'see, m dear, it c-cOuldn't be
helped. 1t was the strike. I'm one
O the delayed males. ''-Rochester Demo
crdt.
Pomp, was yer ever drunk" No,
| 'toXicated wild ardent spirits once, and
OATS enuff for dis darkie De Lord
bless you, Caesar, my head felt as if it
was an clubhouse, while all de niggars in
de world appeared to be splitting wood
in it.
The editor of the Carthage (Ky.) Re
publican has & tame grasshopper that
sits on his desk, noses around among
the exchanges, smiles pleasantly at the
men who bring in champion squashes,
and in fact does almost everything but
write poems to spring.
The Workers Gazette: He who most
loudly condemns a newspaper for pub
fishing personals about himself or fami-
! ly, will sneak into a news office, when
he thinks no one is looking, buy half
a-dozen copies of the paper, mark the
items, and send them to out-of-town
| friends.
| The careless cuss rusheth through the
| darkness towards the door, and stubbeth
his cigar against the panel thereof
whereas the prudent man cautiously
paweth on each side Of the open door,
and knocketh his store teeth into the
bottomless pit of his stomach by COM
ing into sudden contact with the doors
edge
1t is a beautiful starry night and the
seniors are out singing. First senior,
who studies astronomy: Look up
here and see how beautiful Orion
looks" Second senior, who does not
study astronomy, but who has streak
of Irish blood: as that Organ {?
Thank the Lord, then, there is one
Says the New York Tribune: Gan
old family tabby in Minnesota has
adopted brood of chickens which was
left motherless" A Rome cat last week
has adopted six chickens which had not
been left motherless, and adopted all the
tail feathers from the old hen, but the
last got away by flying into a plum-ree
! These instances of animal sagacity are
very touching.-Ronae Sentinel.
An unpublished letter from Sitting
Bull to Wendell Phillips is in the hands
of Lord Duferin on the way. S B. says
among other things "Me glad hear
Man-not-afraid-of-h -Blab. Mesee copy
of San. Sun want no more damsolj er.
San say Big Father Hayes no give Injun
no more fire-water-gun, pistol, powder,
SMOOTHING no more. Big father be
fraud. Dam Hayes. Me no like Hayes
Me like Sun. "-New York World
1t was a Colorado paper that lately
said: The publication of this paper will
be indefinitely suspended from and after
this date. We leave the country in Il
comparatively comfortable and secure
| pOo1llOll IllG Lu1OJGdll Nttl 10 IdlIly
inaugurated, and a good market and
high prices for our surplus crops Sc
cured. The great strike is safely over.
Tom Fowler is nominated for State Sen
ator, and-well, what more could be
expected of us in four brief months?
For the rest, it is dry year. the weather
is hot, we have had all of this kind Of
fun we want for the present, and now we
are going a-fishing. Ta-ta!
We want to ask the young ladies if
they cannot omit the ah-what-you-call-
it-from the under side of their round,
sweet chins. We came home from the
hop at the States Saturday night very
happy until we found the right shoulder
of our "party frock" with just the
loveliest rose-tinted complexion on it.
Several sweet chins had successfully re-
posed there during the evening, and
each had left its impress. A handker-
chief or a napkin, properly disposed,
would prevent the tel[tale souvenir of
the waltzes.-iSdratogidn