The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1877-10-18

face to state of despair, and to an alb
struse calculation of his profit and loss
account. Among the few dust -begrimed
passengers that filed in to feast on the
good things spread on his hospitable
board, was verdant looking individual,
who tightly clutched one of those old
fashioned, capacious mouthed carpet
bags with vast bowelled depth that our
grandfathers used in their journeys, and
that was usually laden with two shirts
and months luncheon. This particu-
lar carpet bag was notable. only for the
apparent extreme paucity OF its contents,
and when our verdant traveller skunk
bashfully to the unoccupied end of the
long dining table, and seated himself in
one of the chairs, he deposited his dusty
bag ON vacant chair at his side. So
industriously did he attack the viauds
before him, that Boniface tapped him
on the shoulder several times before he
hurriedly produced dollar, the usual
price of meal.
"Your bill is two dollars" said Boni-
face.
"Hay p
"Two dollars, if you please"
"Gosh all mighty, landlord" he ex-
claimed, "you don't mean to say you
tax fellow two dollars for a meal like
this ?''
"Our charge is q dollar for every
chair occupied at the table. Your bag
monopolizes q seat, and the charge for
it is the same as for person"
But, Jedge, see here, now, the bag
hahn eaten q mouthful."
Cant help that there are the
viands before it, and if it don't partake
of them, it isn't my fault. Come, sir,
pay over haven't time to argue the
matter"
"Wall, squire, maybe it's all right.
but it seems mighty rough on fellow.
Here's your two dollars"
And the owner of the bag sat down
and hastily finished his meal, amid the
audible smiles of his fellow w-passengers;
and the very perceptible grin of exulta-
ton on the landlords face. His meal
done, he turned to his bag, opened it,
shook out its creases and folds, and with
provoking sang .froid, thus addressed it.,
loud enough for all in the room to hear
II beg your pardon, Mr.. Bag, for
making you wait for the second table.
Hungry, eh I should rather think so,
with nothing inside of you but shirt
and paper collar, and there isn't much
substance in them. Like roast beef, eh
Here's nice piece weighing a dozen
pounds, guess. Whew you took that
in at one gulp, and it don't seem to dis
tress you either. Try this breast of
lamb can recommend it. Sorry the
mint sauce is all out. Biscuits Yes,
here's a hull plate full. Biscuit are
rather tryin' on ones digestive machin-
cry, they say; suppose you try couple
of platefuls of bread on top of them
Have spring chicken? Two? Well,
you are cheeky; but here they are. You
don't wait to pick 'em, see. Some more
biscuit ? There you have 'em--"
Suiting his actions to these words, the
owner of the bag stuffed into its capa-
cious interior everything edible that lay
within his reach, regardless of the con-
sternation depicted in the face of the
landlord, who rushed up to stop him.
"This is robbery, sir; downright rob-
berry" be thundered. "I will not SUBJ
NIT to it"
"See here, now, squire, inst keep
cool and we'll argue this, calmly replied
the verdant one, not letting up, however.
in his occupation of filling the bag.
Didn't this bag pay for square mealE?
What is square meal if it isn't to eat
till one is satisfied? Isn't that SO,
gents ?"
His fellow passengers, who were roar
ing with laughter, readily assented.
"Now, that being the verdict of this
jury, let me tell You, Mr.. Landlord, that
this bag amt going to be satisfied until
it is chock full. I'm its friend, and any
one that interferes with its meal will get
eternally lammed, that's all /"
He meant every word of it, and the
landlord wisely withdrew, looking q
splendid example of the bitter bitten.