The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-06-23
VARIETY.
PUScHBowL.


Smiths dead - said Timkins 8. No 20
cried the amazed Phlunke, 'what was the
matter?'' ' Consumption answered Timkns,
' and, poor fellow, this will be the longest coffin
spell he ever had"
Old, but good A quaint minister once said,
Now, brethren, propose to throw this hymn
book at the man who used profane language
yesterday" He made the necessary gesture.
as through he would hurl the book, and, cur
iously enough, every man in the congregation
ducked his head.
The humorist of the Detroit Free Press was
married few months ago, and we are sorry
to see paragraphs like this dropping from his
pen 50 California has eight hundred tons Of
honey to sell at close figures. There's cramps
for all creation"
The children of General Stoneman, the ex-
tensiye California planter, have at least four
kinds of fruit every day in the year. The
General mentioned this fact to q correspondent
one day when he dropped into drug store to
order puncheou OF paregoric.
A learned sergeant was once accused of
having disgraeed the bar by taking silver from
client, the etiquette of the profession requiring
that his fee should be paid in gold. 50 L took
silver he replied, g because 1 could not get
gold but l took every farthing the fellow
had in the world, and [ hope you do not call
that disgraeing the profession" :"
The Lyon county TINES perpetrates this A
Carson Mint man tried the effect of blue glass
on a link of bologna sausage yesterday. In
five minutes it commenced to hump in the
middle; in ten the word ' Marian was
distinctly heard and In fifteen the cat was
himself again and out the woodhouse roof,
calling joyously for his old sweethearts.
The banishment of wine from the White
House table recalls some piquant words OF John
II Il Il.
wife Abigail. Gen. Washington, he says,
81 sets a fine example. He has banished wine
from his table, and entertains his friends with
rum and water. This is much to the honor Of
lies wisdom, his policy, and his patriotism. -
In the light of recent event the Boston Tra-
Ueller says '' Better give the baby rattle.
He can get lots of fun out of q revolver, but it
is apt to go off and hurt somebody. When you
see the baby in the back yard with revolver,
and reporter looking over the fence and whist
ling, hear angel Calling it is as well to
go out and take the weapon away from the in
FAINT"
"A large heavy face, with thick bull neck,
which his shirt collar seems COMPRISING to
sufocation; huge bushy mustache which
spreads across both sides of the face almost to
the ears, and which is dry and lusterless from
hair dye; pale. grayish- blue, watery eyes;
thick little pug nose, turned up at the tip,
and tinted hair, cropped close to the skull''-
coming prize fighter, but correspondents des-
eriptiOn of the King of Italy.
Wealth is great burden, so we are informed.
million is a heavy load to carry. Yet it is an
extremely incident for any one to voluntarily
lay the burden down, or unload themselves, till
death dumps it and them together in the grave.
The Bible admonisheS us to bear each others
burdens To illustrate our Christian charity, we
now announce our willingness to relieve our over
rich men of any part of their superabundant
wealth when they strip themselves preparatory |
In an effort at the needles eve.
Old DR.. Strong, of Hartford, whose name is
still praise in the churches, had an unfortunate
habit of saying amusing things when he meant it
not so. On one occasion he presiding at
a meeting of ministers, and wishing to call on
one of them to come forward and offer prayer, |
he said
80 Brother Bolton,
Of Cotton,
VIII you step this way
And pTay?''
To which Mr.. Cotton Immediately answered, |
without intending to perpetrate anything of the |
same sort
'My dear brother Strong,
You do very wrong
To be making Il rhyme
At such a solemn time
And then Dr. Strong added
I'm very sorry to see
That you re just like me-
IHE MEANESF fET.-SOme gentlemen were
talking about meanness, when one said he knew
a man on Lexington avenue who was the mean
est man in NEW YORK?
How mean is that ?'' asked a friend.
Why, he is SO mean that he keeps FIVE cent
piece with string tied to it, to give to beggars,
and, when their backs are turned, he jerks 1t out
os their pockets
WhY this man is SO mean,' continued the
gentleman, that he gave his children ten cents
apiece the night before the Fourth of July, but
during the night, when they asleep, he
went up stairs, took the money out of their
clothes, and then whipped them in the morning
for losing it -
''DOes he do any the else p
IS Yes the other day dined with him, and
noticed the poor little servant girl whisted gaily
all the way up stairs with the dessert, and when
I asked my generous friend what made her whis-
tie so happily, lie said, Why, keep her whist
so she can't eat the raisins out Of the cake