The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-04-26
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.

CLEAN glass in windows is said to
have the same beneficial effect as blue
glass.
Mr.. J. o. PLANK has taken charge of
an Ohio hotel. Plank should give good
board.
"No pains will be spared" as the
quack said when he sawed off the
patients finger to cure felon.
SITTING BULL writes our fashion
editor that the spring style of scalps
will be cut gored, and covered with
cardinal red.
SAID a man in car seriously to
another man yesterday: Kalamazoo
is kingdom in South America. That is
where they get calamus "
AN advertisement in a certain news
paper is as follows: &" Wanted-a young
man in the dry goods trade to be partly
out of doors and partly behind the
counter"
COUPLETs.
"Live not without friendl The Alpine rock must
own
Its mossy grace, or else, be nothing but stone"
"Live not without God however low or high,
In every house should be, window to the sky
"MICK," said a bricklayrr to his
laborer, eff you meet Patrick, tell him
to make haste, as we are now waiting for
him." "Shure an 1 will, replied Mick;
"but what will tell him if I don't mate
him?"
NoRIsTowN Herald The report that
Tom Thumb has grown to be six-footer
within the last three months, by simply
sitting under blue glass, proves to be
canard. One can 'ardly believe half the
stories one sees about blue glass, anyhow.
In most places "a stones throw"
" five minutes walk" etc., are used as
measures for short distances. In
Dubuque, however, they speak of
place as being "within the bawl of a
mule"
A PROUD father in Boston inquired of
his son, young modern Athenian who
was in the Latin school and had begun
to read Cicero's orations, what he
thought of Cicero. ri regard him" re-
piled the scholar, Gas the Edward
Everett of Rome"
ARE your hats on, gentlemen? OFF
with them at once, and wave them, too,
right heartily. What a poky place this
world would be without it! They say
"'tis love that makes the world go
round" but enthusiasm gives to love the
idealizing charm, the rosy glow.
The following is genuine copy of
bill made out by the hostler of an inn
in village in Dorsetshire, England:
"Aforetheose (hay for the horse), 3d.;
clininosansha Cleaning horse and chaise),
4d. brinisonimomigin tbringing him
home again), 3d.; total, Is. Id"
IT is shown that on the Gulf and At
lantic border, the great rainfalls are
twice as frequent on the coast as at two
hundred miles inland from it. A cause
assigned is the rising of the air from the
ocean as it impinges on the land. and
the consequent condensation ofits vapor.
THE drapery in the Roman Catholic
Cathedral in New York caught fire from
gas jet during funeral service, and
panic was prevented only by the cool
ness of the priests. There have been
enough of such occurrences to show that
light drapery and gas jets do not agree
very we'll.
This is the way the Ceurjer-.J Journal
puts it: A deputy marshal recently shot
o+ he r
rest, and slightly wounded Miss Hearn.
The negro happened to be near the
young lady, and of course the marshal
thought the form he was shooting at was
his'n instead of Hearn.
DEAN STANLEY said recently, speak
ing of Milton, that he was not men
toned by Clarendon, the historian of
his time. This seemed curious, but it
had happened over and over again, and
was almost law, that the most eminent
man of his time was hardly ever men
toned by the chief historian of the
time"
DON'T go asleep during the first part
of your minister's sermon. At least pay
him the compliment of supposing that
he will be both entertaining and in
structive. If, however, after fifteen
minutes, you feel drowsy, you can go to
sleep with quiet conscience, because
you have given him fair chance to
keep you awake and he couldn't do it.
LOUISVILLE Courier-Journal: Alfred
Sherer, an aged man.of Russell County,
had gone to bed. His family were in
the kitchen. They heard strange
noise and went to the bedroom. Mr..
Sherer was sitting by the fire, COW
cred with blood. His daughter said !:
Father, some one has murdered you" |"