Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1877-09-18
ODDS AND ENDS.
Dogs are faithful. They stick to
bone after everybody else has deserted it

Dogs are faithful. They stick to a
bone after everybody else has deserted it.
Be it ever so humble, there is no place
like the warm corner Of country gro
Gerry.
''1'hat point is not well taken" as the
country schoolmaster observed When he
sat down on pin.
Courage, girls Naomi, the daughter
of Enoch, was five hundred and sixty
years old when she was married.
Why are ducks not usually found in
doctors barnyards? Because their re-
marks are too personal to be tolerated.
"Why didn't you insert my article?"
asked a contributor. "Was it too long?"
mo-" replied the editor, ut was too
narrow"
In New Jersey, when they want to
praise man, they say, "He has such q
mean looking face that fly wouldn't
light on it."
1t is true of newspapers as well as of
churches, that those who contribute the
least to their support, criticise and find
the most fault.
A Yankee editor, putting alright cof-
fins, said: mo person, after having
used of these air-tight collins, will ever
use any other"
A Milwaukee editor says George Sand
may have died from strong coffee, but
there has been no mortality from that
cause at his boarding-house.
The season at Long Branch is to be
extended two weeks. This is to give
parties time to send home and make out
new mortgages.-FTee Press.
The sewing machine agent, since the
patent ran out, has to talk as much, and
just as fast and just tell as many yarns
for $50 as he used to tell for SIS.
A woman was offered thousand dol
lars if she would remain silent for two
hours. At the end of fifteen minutes
she asked: isn't the time most up?"
A fashionable young lady dropped one
of her false eyebrows in a church pew,
and badly frightened a young man next
to her, who thought it was his mustache.
A woman is very much like kettle,
if you come to think of it. She sings
away so pleasantly-then she stops
and when you least expect it, she boils
over.
First New Yorker: II consider him
man of first class business talent.u-
Second New Yorker: "Ah, indeed =
What was the amount of his defalca-
ton ?'
A woman having read in poem about
simeon that ''swept the plains'', is
urging her husband to get one of them
new tangled things for her to use in the
kitchen.
A Southampton county granger is OPP
posed to railroads. He says that when
he goes to town they "bring him home
SO quick he hasn't time to get sober be-
fore he arrives"
A stroke of lightning the other day
tore boys boot all to pieces and didn't
harm the boy. The reason was that he
had placed the boot under tree and
gone in swimming.
Don't show my letters,u wrote
Rockland young man to youthful lady
who he adored. "Don't be afraid was
the reply, 1 am just as much ashamed
of them as you are"
It is remarkable fact, which we can
not explain, that the boy who does not
know that the gun is loaded is never
theless always to be found at the safe
end OF the gun.-Haaokeye.
A strong-minded woman was heard
to remark the other day, that she would
marry man who had plenty of money
if he was SO ugly she had to scream ev-
cry time she looked at him.
"How many children have you, asked
one friend of an old acquaintance.
"Weil, L have five, but they were eating
cucumbers when [ left and they may be
all dOTh1al IN nGyy Ji-OH C;f,. mi
The other night Burlington woman
found the ]ong-expected 'man under
the bed" It was her. husband The
bed was rather high and so was he, and
missed the connection when he tried to
get in.
Somebody remarks that young ladies
look upon boy as nuisance until he
is past the age of sixteen, when he gen
orally doubles up in value each year I'M
til, like colored meerschaum pipe, he
is priceless.
II try to preach the milk of the word"
replied city clergyman to parishion-
er who demonstrated that his sermons
were too long. "Yes,U remarked the
other, "but around here what we want
is condensed milk"
That boy that took down a hornets
nest and undertook to carry it home,
thinking he had a bag of treasures, lost
the bag on his way, but succeeded in
getting the hornets to accompany him
to his destination.-Hartord Sunday
Globe.
A wit being told that an old acquain-
lance was married, exclaimed, II am
glad to hear it," But rejecting a mo-
ment, he added, in a tone of compassion
and forgiveness, ''And yet don't know
why I should be; he never did me any
harm"
Here lies John Shaw,
Attorney-at-Law;
And when he died,
The devil cried,
"Give us your paw,
John Shaw,
Attorney-at-Law."
ha 10 L.