The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-02-08
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and HumOr.
MADE bull sigh-the marksman who
went to Creedmoor and shot a COW.
THERE is something homogeneous in
the fact that the wives of almost all
bankrupts wear diamonds to the last.
THERE isn't much danger of sunstroke
at this season, but q sponge in the hat
may prevent the top of the head from
being frost bitten.
CAPT. G1Az1ER rode from Boston TO
California on a horse, and when he re-
turned hoEae they didn't meet him with
a brass band and a bean supper.
HE sun begins to get up earlier, but
1t is no mans business to try and be as
great as the sun. Another thing, the
sun always has good fire to dress by.
The boy who sat down on hot poker
wanted to say something when the sub
ject of base-burners was under consid-
Grafton, but his father choked him off.
OVER $4,000 children under 5 years
OF age died in New York last year.
When Horace Greeley said $50 Vest
he was looking at funeral procession.
EVERY heart knows its own sadness
best, and will not betray it. You can
tell from the expression of woman's
face when whalebone is sticking into
her.
A DIES MONIES man wouldn't shovel
| the snow off his roof because the Lord
put it there. The Lord caused the roof
to break in, and then the man had to
move.
IF you have big boil on your neck
and want to get rid of it, mix snow and
salt. apply, and you can whittle the
pesky thing right out without hurting
you.
You can never tell what boy will
do within an hour after you lose
sight of him, but you can safely bet
he will not do what you want him
to do.
AN Alabama editor winds up an
editorial on the corn crop with the re-
mark: eve have on exhibition in
our sanctum pair of magnificent
ears.
AMERICAN beef sent to England has
made English butchers come down 6
cents per pound. It will also make
every English dentist millionaire in
time.
AGAssIz contended that the world was
once covered by floating ice, and the
river men would like figures as to how
many. coal barges were swept away at
that time.
IT is said that you can scare any COM
mon man to death in seventeen minutes
by chasing him around with a wheel
barrow. It is the only Internal weapon
he can't dodge.
The Hamlet of the Waco (Texas) Er-
Gmaigaer thus soliloquizes "Govern-
ment lands cost 81 per acre and good
whisky SIS per bottle. How many men
die landless who during their lives have
swallowed whole townships, trees and
all"
AN article entitled, "Where the Driver
Should Sit, % is now going the rounds.
Given a Portland cutter, cold moon
light evening, and the only other occu-
pant besides ourselves blooming little
widow, we don't think that there can
be any question as to where the driver
aOouzd sit.
GLOVE makes 1913 pounds of girl feel
no heavier than feather on fellows
knee. "-Norrist5aOra Herald. "And
the same fellow would have his leg
cramped all out of shape by Is pounds
of wife. "-FWttoaa Times. "That would
depend somewhat upon whose wife it
was. "-D0gs6ory NeUs.
A CINCINNATI boy, after gazing long
and meditatively upon a painting rep
resenting the Biblical decline in pork
where the drove of devil possessed
swine were rushing down the hill into
the sea-and being told the story-re-
marked, "I'll bet the old man'd
found some way to pack them hogs and
sell 'em for prime mess, without wasting
ham"
A wELL-KNowN, bald-headed banker,
who always prides himself on being
self-made man, during recent talk with
friend had occasion to remark that he
was the architect of his own destiny
that he was a self-made man. "W-w-
what d-did you say?" asked the friend,
who shutters. "I say with pride that I
am seIf-made man-that made my
self" replied the banker. "Then while
you were m-making yourself" STAN
mered his friend, "why the d-dickens
didn't you p-put some more h-hair on
the t-top of your h-head?"
Petroleum Pipe Line.
The preliminary survey for the new
nine line between Buffalo and the Brad