The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-12-06
PASSING SMILES.

ST. LOUIS Journal: A Mr.. Balloon re-
Gently killed bear in the streets of
Alcadia, Ark He did it with para
chuting irons.
GIRL to butcher" How much is that
turkey a pound ?" Dealer" Twenty
five cents a pound" Girl" Give me
about half pound
THERE'S in every human countenance
either a history or prophecy, which
must sadden, or at least soften every
rejecting COLeridge
PRIDE dries the tears of anger and
vexation; humility those of grief. The
one is indignant that we should suffer;
the other claims us by the reminder that
we deserve nothing else.
"WHAT is the age of your little boy|'
inquired a venerable gentleman of the
mother of an impertinent youngster:
!" The sauce age, of course replied
the mother. The sage saw it. -. 49,.
"My DEAR" said husband, in start
ling tones, after awakening his wife in
the night. "I have swallowed a dose
of strychninew "Well, then, do for
goodness sake lie still or it may come
up"
A HENRY COUNTY farmers son has
fallen so madly in love with one of the
seminary girls that he won't work, and
spends all his time in talking about his
idol. The old man is watchful and says
the boys wits have gone wool gathering
ever since he devoted himself to she
praising.
Is there much difference between a
gay lutte and a blasted Tyre, or is one
symbal of the other? Musical folks
will be able to guitar good idea of the
subject at once. Each one is expected
to answer accordion to his views, as con-
certina case like this is not looked for,
but we hope they will not spinet out to
long.
Don't run away with the idea that
you were born a genius and by single
immortaliZe Yourself tbs better to dig
away under the impression that you are
a Ounce than to lol1 on the sofa waiting
for an inspiration. 1t was Turner, the
great painter, who said, 81 have no
secret but hard work"
CHRISTMAS
Heap on more woodI the wind is chilli
But let it whistle as it will,
Well keep our merry Christmas still.
Each age has deem'd the new born year
The fttest time for festal cheer;
And well our Christian sires of old
Loved when the year its course had rolled
And brought blithe Christmas back again,
With all its hospitable train,
Domestic and religious rite
Gave honor to the holy night;
On Christmas eve the bells rung;
On Christmas the sung;
That only night in all the year,
Saw the stoled priest the chalice
The damsel donn'd her kirtle sheen:
The hall was dress'd with holly green;
Forth to the wood did merry men
To gather in the mistletoe. Scott.
B. L. FARJEoN's New York speech:
Not only in oratory is the American the
superior of the Englishman You excel
us in oysters, in corn-bread, in sweet
potatoes, in canvas back ducks, and, I
ventured to say, in kindness and hospi-
tality. In intellect, l take it, we are
about level but I doubt whether you
give yours full play. If you did you
would depend upon yourselves, and less
upon foreign markets for your literature
THE St. Louis Journal says that the
Rostrum Indicator is a recent invention
which will doubtless prove of incalcuIa-
BILE advantage to our humorous lecturers.
1t is a clock-shaped apparatus which
is to be hung over the platform; upon
the dial appears the words, CHOW
Laugh" "Weep here" "Please APP
plaud," etc, etc An invisible wire
connects the dial pointer and a small
galvanic battery, which in turn is
manipulated by a fine wire held in the
hand of the speaker.
LORD BRoUGHAM has said: AZ shall
never, henceforth, any more than l have
hitherto done, partake of any relaxation,
not even in gratifying my thirst for
knowledge, until l have earned the
right to do it by having done my days
work. There are other rules as to which
i would allow no compromise, no middle
course whatever, and they are the
maxims which ought to preside over a
mans whole time. The one is to do one
thing at time only; the next is never
to put off till tomorrow what you can
do to day; and the third, always finish
one thing before you begin another"
AsToRY is told how President Lincoln's
humor once gained him a ride: When
Mr.. Lincoln was poor lawyer, he fund
himself one cold day at village some
distance from Springfield, and with no
means of conveyance. Seeing a gentle
man driving along the Springfield road
in carriage, he ran up to him and
said, "Sir, will you have the goodness
to take my overcoat to town for meT'
"With pleasure" answered the gentle
man. "But how will you get it again %
"Oh, very easily" said Mr.. Lincoln,
as I intend to remain in it." "Jump
in," said the gentleman, laughing.
And the future President had a pleasant
ride.
THERE is a name which is not very
high sounding Smith-plainJ John
Smith! 1t does not suggest aristocracy,
and yet it is good, strong and honest
name. Smith is sometimes transformed
into Smyth and Smythe, and even
Smiithe; but transferred into other
languages it seems to climb the ladder to
respectability, thus: In Latin it is
Johannes Smithus; the Italians smooth
it off into Giovanni Smith; the Span
iards render. it Juan Smithus; the
Dutchman adopts it as Hans Schmidt;
the French fatter it into Jean Smeets,
and the Russian sneeZes and barEs
Jouloff Smittowski. When John Smith
gets into the tea trade at Canton he be-
comes Jahon Shlmmit. If he Chambers
about Mount Hecla, the Icelanders says
| he is Jaime Smithsen; if he trades
among the Tuscaroras, he becomes Tom
| Ga Smittia; In Poland he is known as
Ivan Schmittiweski; should he wander
among the Welsh mountains, they talk of
Gibom Schmidd; when he goes to
Mexico he is booked as Jouth FNSmitri;
if of classic turn, he fingers among the
| Greek ruins he turns to Ion Simkton;
and in Turkey, he is utterly disguised as
| Yoe Seef.
CHRONIC drunkards are put to an ex-
cellent use in Ohio under the new liquor
law. The wife or other relative who
suffers most at the hands-and feet of
the chronic induces him TO fill himself
with intoxicating fluid and then kill
himself Suit is thereupon brought
against the last man who,had the mis-
fortune to sell liquor 10 the drunkard,
| and the jury compels him to pay what
is considered fair price for the de.