Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1877-03-29
Mnmuruas 3epartment.

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A Quick JuRoR.-Judge Gibson tells a.
amusing story of the way that juror sven
for" conviction. He says he was trying 6
murder case few years ago down 10 one o.
the wire-grass counties, and experienced great
difficulty in getting jury. Eleven jurors had
been sworn in, and in the next panel was
brought in small, lean, lank, cadaverous
looking fellow, who had on only one shoe, bis
pants being nearly above his knees, his shirt
open both front and back, and the aforesaid
pants held up by single brace. The solici
tor proceeded to ask the usual questions in
such cases as follows: "Have you, from hav'
ing seen the crime committed, or having heard
any of the testimony delivered under oath
formed or expressed any opinion as to the
guilt or innocence ofthe prisoner at the bar z
The single.brace fellow, in a clear and dis
tinct voice, answered, "Not any," Have you
any prejudice or bias resting on your mind
for or against the prisoner at the BARI" 81
hain't." "Is your mind perfectly impartial
between the State and the accusedF' "Hii
air." care you conscientiously opposed to
capital punishment" II isn't" The judge
did not like the juror much, but it being late
aud Jurors scarce, he was "put upon" the pris
oner in the usual manner, the solicitor saying
"Juror, look upon the prisoner; prisoner
look upon the juror" The juror was quite
near the prisoner, and whom this command
was given he bent over him, scanning him
from head to foot intently for some minutes
he then turned to the judge and said, in q
firm, solemn voice, "Yes, Judge, think he's
guilty" ...,
ABOUT PErs.-Pets ov all kinds are MOO
sance. Pet ideas are quite risky, and pet
opinyuns, like seckond.hand clothing. are
worth just what yu kan git for them. A pet
horse learns to be frisky, and a pet servant
bekums cunning at the expense ov his homes:
ty. Pet friends are the hardest to keep, and
when w lose them, change from bunny To
eauh, and pets ov all kinds are very fastidieus
A pet crow never knows what hiz next mis-
chief will be, and ov all pets none are more
nasty and kross than pet parrot. ret hob
bys are easy to mount, but hard to stick to
the bitches all along lifes turnpike are filled
with the riders. Live pets ov all kinds are
sure to be lazy, and very soon afterward git
to be sassy. Pet mule with klub, and he
is pashunt, but pet him with oats, and he will
kick out one end ov kreashun. Stranger, il
yu must hav a pet or perish, git a young
hedgehog "a male one is preferable) and keep
him housed in barrell, and view him thru
the bung-hole whenever you feel lonesome
and if this don't make yu happy, it certainly
amt pets that ails yu.-BiAings.
SEEING ONE WAS ENouGH,-An inebriated
Jerseyman in New York, led by flaming post
ers advertising the play of the Forty Thieves
at Niblo's, went to the box Office and called
for ticket-at the same time throwing down
a S5 greenback. On receiving in return So
and ticket Che had expected to pay about
so cents) the astonished countryman, looked
first at the money and then at the ticket, and
exclaimed:
"H-h-how much dyer ask to (hic). to
see the Forty Thieves"
The ticket seller informed him that the
price was 50.
Hepaid the money with considerable grum'
bling, took the ticket and started for the door
"HelloI" shouted the ticket seller; "you
are going the wrong way. Turn back and
enter at the first door to your left"
mo, (hic) l thank you," said the country:
man, Il don't (hic) care to see the other 3S.'
DENNIS AND THE Doe.-A certain wit
ness, in an action for assault and battery,
mixed things up considerably in giving his
account of the affair. After relating how
Dennis came to him and struck him, he pro.
ceeded: $50, yer honor, just hauled of and
wiped his jaw. Just then his dog came along,
and hit him again." "Hit the dog?" "No,
yer honor, hit Dennis. And then up with
q stun and throwed it at him, and it rolled
him over and over ''Threw stone at
Dennis :" AT the dog, yer honor; and be
got up and hit me again" "The dog :" mo
Dennis. And wild that he stuck bis tail be-
twixt his legs and run of" "Dennis?" No;
the dog And when he came back at me be
got me down and pounded me, yer honor"
"The dog came back at your" "No; Den
mis-, yer honor, and he isn't hurt any at all" }"
"Who isn't hurtr "The dog, yer honor"
A GERMANS LoeIc.-A German farmer
living near Des Moines, Iowa, had his barn
insured for FIVE hundred dollars, which was
three hundred more than it was worth. Not
long ago it was burned, and he demanded the
full amount of the policy. The company Of:
fered to settle with him for two hundred dol
lars, and on receiving refusal built new
barn for him. A week ago life insurance
agent called upon him, and urged him to have
his wife's life insured. The farmer used the
logic of analogy. II had my barn insured
for five hundred tollars, and when it burned
down they pay me no FIVE hundred tollars
but build me new barn. Now I get my frou
insured for one tousand tollsrs, and she die
Den you give me no tousand tollars, but
make me take another old Dutch woman
OATS what you make me do. I don't want
my frou insured"
par A Partisan lady leaves her husband
and takes refuge in the residence of hand
somer man. The correspondent is not sur.
prised when next day the aggrieved husband
waits upon him, psllid and frigid. He meets
him with naughty bow. II am aware that
my wife has sought the shelter of your roof
says the husband producing case of pistols
The gay Lothario bows, and answers with
equal disdain "Sir, it is fact, and hold
myself in readiness to give you the satisfac
tion you demand" II have pistols here, con-
tinued the husband, "and let me tell you thai
if ever you allow my wife to return to me,
will blow the roof of your head of: You
hear nae !"