Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1877-05-02
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS
'Ar. Blue GLASS cures every ailing; II
'der will take ordinary panes out Of window
,at: sash, and remove any sort Of pain from
nat the human body. For instance, young
ner man, residing In the eastern part of the
ria, city, who had a fearful impediment OF
De speech, with an intermission of five
teu minu es between every two words
ier- uttered, was cured in eight minutes.
up When it was first proposed to him he
AT said: "B-b-b-lue egg gl-gl- glass
ike b-b-b-be b -bl-bl-bl-owed" But in less
axe than ten minutes he aIticulated whole
ny sentences with out a stammer.
ne; A HUSBAND was reading aloud the
too evening newspaper to his wife, when
ore he stopped breathlcss; a summary in
get capital letters of an atrocious crime had
the stified him; when he recovered breath
nee he gasped: "Heavens! Here is an ac-
nsy count of a most horrible murder! A
TO woman mangled, drawn, and quar-
rly tered!" His wife exclaimed: "Non
ali Dieui Non Dieui Non Diea! How horri-
tc., BILE. And is any body suspected?" Hus-
the band (peevishly snubbing his wife)
has ''Why, of course it was done by her
us husband!'
ne; HE HAD made his wife present of a
to nice diamond ring, and as they rode
say along in the street car, he noticed that
her the hand upon which the ring sat was
ac- kept bare, "Aren't you afraid your
ay, hand will get c0ld?" asked he. ''Cold ?'
ain exclaimed she; "yOu don't know much
the about woman if you think her hand
cal could get cold with ring on 1t like
I'M, that!" And she adroitIy smoothed
1nu hnr xuith fha L al..I k., a
re, in full view Of every passenger.
Oat
BOD Two MIsERs, father and son, live
ON under the same roof.
The elder falls dangerously Ill and
proposes TO call in one of the best doc
i've tors of the city.
i've "But, father" demonstrates the pious
ilk son, ''yOu know how expensive his
-ti- visits are."
he ''Yes. my son." replies the father,
, is "but it is true economy after all-fancy
on what mint of money it would cost to
a bury me in Parish
till
oc- "PAT," said a builder to an Irishman
at engaged in carrying to the top of
Ter four-story building, shave you any
to houses in ireland as high as this ?'
all "Yis-me mothers cabin" replied Pat.
nd 'How many rooms has it?" asked the
wo builder. "There was an ateing-room,
ce, the slaping room, the kitchen-room and
he the epigpen-four rooms. answered Pat.
re- ''rhat's a story" said the buil!er.
ri, "Yis, four stories," Corrected Pat.
he A CAPITAL letter. The love letter. A
or time table-The table bought on credit.
ill The entrance to ballroom-The can
ne mons mouth. How to ascertain the
ed weight of a mountain-Scale it. A
ry smooth-fac swindle-Owing the barber
da for shave. A happy medium-The
one who is always found in good
'.spirits." What part of ship most
,s- resembles your mother in-law ?-The
er, main stay.-Boston Trarelier.
ch SPORTSMAN: Do you know the name
an OF those ruins, my, good man? Pat:
off Av coOrse do, yer 'anner. Sportsman:
I'M But could you tell us? Pat: Could
he tell yez? Av cOorse l could. Both
or sportsmen: Why don't you, then ?
Is. Pat: Why don't L? Shure ye haven't
lin axed me; aud 'tisn't base informer
ID. yer 'anner takes ME for, TO expect VOL
or unthary information Funny Folks.
a "FATHER, did Casca, who helped to
he kill julius Cesar, own great many
he houses!" "No, my dear, not that I
nd know of. What makes you think so?"
le- Because father, l am reading here
ID. where il says "See what a rent the
Is, envious Casca made" Joy was In that
Il fathers countenance, and the mother
So looked delighted at the wisdom of her
only child.
he AN OLD CoMsToCKER. being re-
of preached by his prospective mother-in-
,se law that he was much too old for her
.ss daughter, that he was even bald
tn headed, replied: Madam, my bald
n. ness is no Indication OF age-it runs in
d. the family. In fact, Madam" said he,
be in sudden gush of confidence, IL was
oil born bald-headed!"
ak SHE was complaining that she never
of began to put his dinner before him on
Is. the table but she felt that the sword OF
e Damocles was hanging over her and
an that the last thin, despairing thread OF
Iv her welded life was likely to be
Is snapped, and the sword-"Oh, Damo- |
on Giles" said he, ''give me the beef stew"
et A SOUND CRITIc.-A religious old
lady, when asked her opinion of the !
organ of Il church, the first time she |
te had seen or heard one, said: "It's
or vera bonny kist iu' o. whistles; but,
es oh, sirs, it's an awfu' way o. spending !
i'm the Saboath-day!'
lis
x-I A sPISsTER LADY oI fifty remarked |
ne the other day that she could 20 alone |
H. 1T SIX months old. Yes" said her |
il. hateful young brother, land you've |
mr. been going it 'alone' ever since and |
e. never euchered anybody.
GAvRocHE I.-How fond of oranges |
you seem To be-always eating them.
ID GAvRocHE III, (cyDIc OF 7)-Not that |
nd care so much for them, but the skins |
In are good to make people fall down with.
e RETIRED citizen to metropolitan /
ne friend: "What enjoy so much in the |
if country is the quiet. Now, here in my
l. garden. my boy, you don't hear
IN sound, 'cepsing the trains! !'-Punch.
re
SNODaRAss seeing a door nearly off
its hinges, in which condition il had
been Tor some time, observed that when
it had fallen and killed some one it
N would probably be hung.
"HAvE you any limb-horn bonnetsP"
inquired very modest miss of a shop
&c keeper. "You don't mean Leghornr'
- The young lady was brought to by |
IS proper resloratives.
C CPL SEND you my bill of fare," said |
Lord B., when trying 10 persuade DIR. |
I'd Swift 10 dine with him. ''Send me your /
is bill of company" was Swift's answer |