The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1877-12-13
SAINT PAUL. MINNESOTA, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1877

AO9
unfortunate farmer from Castle Rock;
htey knocked him down, they blacked
his eyes, they bloodied his nose, they
dragged his hair out by the handful,
they tore the clothes off his back, and
they finally kicked him clean out into
the middle Of Second street, where he
set down amazed and paralyzed, look
ing as if he had been struck by light
ming and then run through a thresh-
ing machine. It took him two hours
to recover the equipoise of his mind;
and then he started off on foot for the
rural retreats Of Castle Rock, a sadder
and a good deal wiser man.
The incensed convention had not yet
returned into the store when their at
tention was arrested by the sound Of
martial music. They looked down the
street and a gorgeous panorama pre-
sented itself. First came brass
band, in a wagon, covered with flags
and flowers, playing, ''See the con-
quering hero comes;'' behind them
was magnificent carriage drawn by
six white horses, with outriders; two
negro drivers sat on the front seat,
gorgeous in gold livery; and two ne
gro footmen hung on behind, covered
all over with lace and embroidery; in
the carriage sat large, raw-boned
man, with sinister expression, and
features that looked as if they had
been cut out of a hickory log with a
broad-aXe, by some apprentice who
hadn't yet learned to handle the axe
with either taste or skill. He wore a
major generals uniform, a feather in
his hat two feet tall, and epaulettes on
his shoulders the size of frying pans.
He was altogether as gorgeous spec
table as has appeared in America since
the British troops withdrew at the
close of the revolutionary war. Be-
hind the carriage came body guard
Of cavalry; behind these park Of fly
ing artillery, and the procession was
concluded by two trumpeters who
cried out together. every few minutes.
s'This is the great General lie Due
Commissioner Of Agriculture Of the
United States Of America "A bigger
man than old Grant !"
Whoever shall these boots displace,
Must meet Bombastes face to face,
S, und trumpets sound!" +"
And then they made the trumpets
blare until the street rang again.
The convention stood astOunded.
"Who is that 7" said one.
cit must be the Angel Gabriel =
was the reply.
s.Looks like one Of the Younger
brothers, said third.
Il tell you it's the Russian Gar
said fourth.
| Its Ben Butler.' said another.
s.Better call out the police" sale
one.
"And the fire department, saio
another.
But John Byers had gone up clos
to the splendid apparition and, with ;
look of disgust on his face, he turned
to the crowd and said.
"Why it's only Bill Duck"
'Bill who!'
sBill LIE Due"
"Oh! ah umv' responded tn
crowd, sis that ALL
An inquisitive Norwegian from
Eureka took Byers aside and said:
els he a general I"
Yes" said Byers, "a general b
breret."
'sWhat is that -
"That means that you call him
general because he isn't one.'
"Oh, l see," said the Norwegian
"did he command in any battles! =
mo"
4 Ibid he fight any!"
| No"
"What did he do!''
"He dealt out hard-tack and por
to the soldiers; he was in the con
missary department.
!, by--by--by--that thing what you ca
it :"
: because the war department sal
, his charges were the most terrific ev'
seen in the whole course of the wa
. they beat Sheridan and Fitzpatrick ar
: Jeb Stuart and Forrest"
, "Did he charge the enemy"
+ mo; he charged our side."
"Ah. l seer' said the Norwegia
'sthen it would have been better f
| sn if he had served the other side.'
Eyes
"What is he now!''
. "He is Commissioner Of A gricultu
! at Washington.
"Does he know anything abo
, agriculture -
F: ''Not thing"
s.How did he get the place -
He went to school with the Pre-:
) dent.
d ''Ah, | see," said the Norwegia
f and then he remarked meditativel
this is queer country" and he fl
, back in dazed condition.
In the meantime the general h;
I jumped out Of his carriage and, in
2 voice louder than the trumpets curse
the negroes, and ordered around Il
J guard and. id the band, and below
8 at the trumpeters, and then rush
headlong into the store, knOckil
: down half a dozen delegates. He to-
/ Charley Bakers place and poundiI
. on the table cried out:
IL 1.-THE Convention will come to 9