The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-12-22
VARIETIES.

UlhbSs
1t might pay to ship artificial limbs
to Turkey.
Brooches of trust-Those the tailor
isn't paid for.
Necessity reforms the poor, and
safety the rich.
Can man eating dates be said to
consume time?
The man most looked up to-The
man in the moon.
How to find steady employment
Get inside the State Prison.
The language of the suspender is
supposed to be: . Brace upr'
In the case of Sitting Bull, absence
makes the hair grow longer.
Minneapolis and St. Louis are now
only twenty-four hours apart.
When Boston girl accepts lover
she says, Beans it's you, yes
A Rome belle says this may be an
off year, but she has had an offer.
-Old-fashioned barege, so long Ia
booed, is again used for evening dresses.
There is more gum chewed in
Maine than any other State in the
Union.
There are 1850 miles of railroad
west of the summit of the Rocky
Mountains.
The title of the next new book will
be: "Five Buried Men; or, Ten Feet
Under Ground"
"A man in Louisiana has had four
wives leave him. That's the kind of a
returning board he is.
1t is wonder of the day-and yet fact DER
true
That heavy banks are washed away by too
much falling due"
The Des Moines Register says ex-
Secretary Belknap is "practicing law,
making money and minding his own
business
-lf!cold December gave you birth,
The month of snow and ice and mirth,
Place on your hand a Turquoise blue,
Success will bless whate'er you do.
In Switzerland donkeys have bells
on their necks. In this country it is not
unusual to see them with bellies ON their
ms.-LOWeU Courier
-Tramps have signs for all IDEAS A
chalked cross on the fence shows that
the hostess puts only three Jumps of
sugar into the coffee.
Josh Billings says: "There is no
man who needs so much watching
ez the one who IL always watching
some one else"
If a friend points a gun at you,
knock him down. 1t will be time
enough afterward to find out whether
it is loaded or not.
-"Twice is he armed who hath his
quarrel just. Shakespeare. And four
times he who gets his blow in fust.-
Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
Beware of backing off embank-
ments. We have tried it, and there is
no fun in rolling down hill in the arms
of horse and buggy. Chicago Journal,
He was bound to be accurate, and
he thus described the woman S costume:
"She wore a suit of something or
other, cut bias and trimmed endwise."
You put your finger in water. You
pull it out and look for the hole. This
is very much like putting money in
Chicago..savings-bank. -NashUiJle Inner
1cdn.
At social gathering few days
since the following toast was proposed
and drank: "In ascending the hill
OF prosperity may we never meet a
friend"
-" Mother, it is ofno use:I can never
loUe Mr.. Sprowler." "Well," said the
mother, looking at her with surprise,
"that is no reason why you should not
marry him."
Unless the coming woman is born
with a longer arm than those now in
use, she can't wear any more buttons on
her kid gloves than the present fashion
permits.
When Miss Kate loses her slate
strap she will find it in Johnnic's skate,
with her missing bottle of ink absorbed
therein for non-detective purposes
Rochester Democrat.
=" jack said a coal merchant,
'what kind of morning is it?'' Every
cold, sir" "Did it freeze?'' eyes. sir:
hardn' "Raise the coal dollar ton.
Heaven help the poorr'
"A Portsmouth undertaken. dunned
by man who had very sick wife.
said: "Oh, let it stand. You'll be
wanting something in my line pretty
soon, if you have good luck"
"A Brooklyn doctor said on the wit
ness stand, the other day: "Many of
my patients are in love with me, but |
cannot help that, for it is a common
experience among medical men,"
-" Never hug a girl in a tight-fitting
corset" is the advice of the Elmira Ga
zette. It's good advice, too, but it don't
apply to us, for we don't wear tight-fit-
ting corsets.-Bridgeport Standard.
The firm but gentle hornet has
shut up his summer cottage and gone
into retirement for the winter His
last words were: awake me up when
the first picnic starts out next spring.
-Ex-Minister Pierrepont has in
formed Olive Logan that he had spent
in London during his one-year's tenure
of office the sum Of $3.50, 900, irrespective
OF the little official salary of $4,000.
Marriages are not plenty enough.
The young ladies ought to get up
strike for their affairs. The strike for
the fires can come in afterward, when