The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-10-18
WHOLE NUMBER 546.
Mutual Confession.

MI. pc 10 d llluo1C-dkCu lNOWOi, /,
and some time ago he paid his addresses
to Mrs. Bolts, widow on the shady side
of forty. Thorpe is rich, and after the
widow accepted him, he began to fear that
may be she had taken him for his money,
and so he concluded to test her to ascer-
tain if she really loved him for himself
alone. So one evening when they were
sitting together in the parlor he said to
her:
Hannah, Pve something unpleasant
to tell you, but | am going to do it be-
cause l consider it right that you should
know it. Hannah, what would you say
if informed you that one of my knee
pans is gone, and that have patent
hinge on that legT"
~ should say that | care nothing for
that my dear; l have only one toe on
my left foot. The others were frostbitten
off, and the ankle is all twisted around
crooked"
You don't tell meT said Thorpe.
"Well, but Pve something worse than
that. might as well confess now that
the bald place on top of my head is not
really my scalp; I've been trepanned.
l have a silver plated concern set into
my skull, a kind of skylight. You can
lift it up and see down on the inside of
me-"
"Pm glad you mentioned it DEAR"
said the widow, " for it gives me courage
to tell YOU that l haven't hair of my
own on my head. Pm as bald as chan
delier globe"
els that so? Graciousl Inever should
have expected it. But you will be sur
prised to learn that none of my teeth are
natural. All false, and besides that
have to wear an India-rubber thingama-
gig on my palate to keep it. from drop
ping down"
~ am very sorry for you, John, but
it's some comfort that all my teeth are
false too, and that am perfectly blind
in my right eye. 1t looks like good
eye, but it absolutely amt worth a
cent"
"Great HeavensI Why didn't you tell
me'of this before?" exclaimed Thorpe
But while we are on the subject, will
say further that / have chronic tOrpidity
of the liver. How does that strike your"
"Oh, 1 don't mind it," said Mrs. Bolts,
"because / have been bilious and dys-
peptic for twenty years; and besides l
am one rib short. 1t was broken in a
railroad accident, and the doctor had to
cut it out. Pm subject to fits, too"
"Thisis horrible" said Thorpe. Mrs.
Bolts, l think you ought to have men
toned these things to me when pro-
posed to you. l imagined that was
addressing woman, a complete human
creature. But what are you, Mrs. Bolts ?
Mrs. Bolts you appear to me to be a
kind of dilapidated old wreck, with
not more'n half of the usual machinery
about you. It's wonder you don't fall
to pieces"
l am no worse than you are. You
said yourself that you have trap door
in the top of your head, and a gum
elastic palate"
eyes, but these things amt true"
said Thorpe. al only told you about
them to see if you really loved me. Pm
as sound as dollar; no inactive liver,
or silver plated skull, or anything. But
you seem to be kind Of strung to-
gether, SOS if you should knock against
anything you'd scatter all around over
the carpet. l think you ought to let
me off"
every we'll, sir, SO 1 will. But let me
tell you that Pve got nothing the matter
with me either. l only invented those
stories to try you, because / knew you
were playing game over me. Now |
know you don't love me. You can go,
sir"
Hannah, 1 take it all back. do
love you"
"Do you, really? Then l love you
more than"
But no; the curtain had better be
drawn right here. The cold and selfish
world has no business with such scenes
as this. They are to be consolidated
early next month