Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-07-16

nlghts Dllght young plants.
Cod liver oil is good for consumption
and so are buckwheat cakes.
A tie vote-When both parties vote
yes, and the preacher ties the knot.
A clumsy man with big feet is the
biggest train-wrecker lady knows of.
A little girl suffering from the mumps
declared that she "felt as if headache
had slipped down into her neck"
Of all the various methods proposed
for the reduction of postage, none is so
practical as this-Get married
IL think our church will last good
many years yet" said waggish deacon
to his minister. 81 see the sleepers are
very sound"
One paper asks, "What reasons are
there for Objecting to foreign travel ?"
and another one replies, "Purse-nal reas-
ons, mainly"
A'bliud mendicant who perambulates
New York streets wears this inscription
about his neck: Don't be ashamed to
give only a penny. l can't see."
"The dearest object to me on earth is
my wife," said Jones. swell, I'm pretty
close to you," said Smith, "for the dear
est to me is my wife's wardrobe"
A lawyer who had a most absurd case
submitted to him on being asked "if the
action would lie," answered, "Yes, if
the witness will lie, too, but not other
wise"
Some one says old maids 90 by the
name of "wilted lilies" now. Probably
because, years agone, when certain young
men asked them "Wilt thou?" they
wilted not.
A Chicago woman, who slipped into a
tub of water that her husband had
thoughtlessly left in the passage-way
confdingly tells her neighbors that she
''never felt so irrigated" in all her life.
"Mrs. Parr of this village" says o
Wisconsin exchange, "has had no less
than seventy attacks of illness during
her life time, and still lives" She must
be one of the "Brave Women of Seventy
Sicks."
Probably there are not half dozen
girls in the United States who don't
know which arc thoir nights ''out," but
the man isn't born yet who can explain
how the nose of the water-pitcher got
cracked.
Blipkins says: Il amt much on
problems in Euclid, and don't care about
evolution; but when man sits down on
a bumblebee at picnic, can tell him
how long it will take him to get up just
as we'll as any professor at Yale"
A professor was expostulating with a
student for his idleness, when the latter
said, "It's of no use; l was cut out fol-
loafer." "Well," declared the pro.
fessor, surveying the student critically,
whoever cut you out understood his
business"
"My son." said mother to little
four-years-old, ''whom above all Others
will you wish to see when you pass into
the spirit world p "Goliah l' shouted
the child with joyous anticipation
"unless," he quickly added, "there's &
bigger feller there"
"My DEAR" said an affectionate wifi
to her husband, as she looked out of tn,
window, "do you notice how green anC
beautiful the grass looks on the neigh
boring hills 2" "Well," was the unpo
eticsl response, "what other color woulc
you have it at this time of the year"
"How old did you say this compan.
was ?" inquired an inquisitive femal
while witnessing the 'Ancients and Hon
orables' parade on the Common the othe
day. 1.-TWO hundred and thirty-nin
years, marm;'' was the reply. IN
SOUL" said the surprised dame, "yo
wouldn't think it to look at 'em, woul
you, now ?"-BOstoa Post.