Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1877-12-22
ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.

bic
Never look a gift mule in the hind
foot.
The best key for Christmas box
A turkey.
The Pope doesn't appear to be in a
hurry to see st. Peter.
An unpleasant sort of arithmetic
Division among families.
A Kentucky nn-keeper offers to
. entertain eloping couples at half
price.
Victor Hugo, one of those ''infernal
literary fellows" snubbed General
Grant.
When a paragrapher makes joke
out of whole cloth, it is generally
homes pun.
1t is only the peanut men that
really enjoy this life, for theirs is a
cash business.
Women who read newspapers are
always bright, good Datured and full
OF common sense.
The new style paniers do away with
newspaper bustles, and a journal must
run on Its own merits.
The man habitually behind time
may properly be spoken Of as the
late Mr. Jones or Brown.
In Spain at a dinner party the old
est lady is seated first. She is the
senior-eater of the occasion.
Debt" says Billings" IL trap
which a nian sets and bates himself,
and then deliberately gets into.
''How shall we rear our boys2'
With slipper while in short clothes,
TO be followed with "A shingle.
Only very wealthy man like the
late Commodore Vanderbilt could
afford 20 have SO many diseases.
1t has been remarked OF Chicago
couple; Two souls with but a single
thought how to get divorce"
Rev, Joseph Cook has lecture on
"Ulum1te America" One hundred
dollars Il night is his ultimatum.
Old maids and bachelors very rare
ly live to ripc age. Single blessed
ness is not what it's cracked up to Oe.
The great advantage about lean
wife is that you don't have to call in
Il carpenter every time she falls down
stairs.
As New Years day draws near the
low bur earnest mutteriugs Of the
Swearing ntf' angatr can br heard
in the land.
"You are nn gentleman, and If you
was would knock you down" Thus
we see the advantage Of not being a
gentleman.
A girl may read about heaven all
her life, but she never gets anything
like correct idea of il till she gets
her first beau.
"Jim," said bankrupt to his son,
'1f you marry that girl I'll cut you
off with dollar "Where will you
get the dollar?" Jim asked.
When man returns home at night
and shows more than ordinary nifec-
tion tor his wife, she may br pretty
gertain that he has been in mischief.
BY some mischance the Singer
estate litigation has been settled be-
fore the lawyers got more than half
of the money left by the machine
man.
We have had poultry shows, bird
shows, dog shows, and cat shows, be-
side shows of most of the larger do
nestle animals. Isn't it about time
the asses had Il showl
Schoolmistress ss-"Johnny,I I'm really
ashamed of you. When | was your
age could read as well as do now.
Johnny---"Aw, but you'd a different
teacher to what we've got.
A. new style Of boys trowsers has
been invented in Boston, with n
copper seat, sheet-iron knees, riveted
down in the seams, and waterproof
pockets, to hold broken eggs.
"Oh, for some new coined name by
which to call him! Oh, for some
name no other lips could give!'
was the prayer of Violet Vane until
she married him. Now she is con
tent to call him old Beeswax.
A young man writes to ask il we
want to engage "puzzle editor. >
No, thank you. We have u puzzled
editor, and that is sufficient. He Is
puzzled to find out why in thunder
people don't pay for their papers