The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-04-05
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.

OUT OF season-An empty pepper-box.
A PrrTsBURG paper calls Alexis a
Czardine.
How to find out what's in name
Put it on the back of a note.
ALABAMA land has been selling for
cent per acre at Sherif's sale. Ten acres
gone every time you smoke cigar.
IT was the shrewd remark of an old
Florentine that economy does not consist
only in saving and sparing, but also in
using every thing when there is need for
it.
THE proprietor of young ladies'
academy has utterly ruined his business
by causing to be inserted in large num-
ber of newspapers picture of the build
ing, with two girls standing on the bal
cony with last years hats on their heads.
SCENE in an Iowa court. Judge:
"That point has been decided against
you by every court in Christendom, sir,
and there IS no use of furbker argument"
Lawyer: every true, but your Honor
frequently decides against every court
in Christendom !"
A SAILOR was recently brought before
a magistrate for beating his wife, when
the magistrate attempted to reach his
heart by asking him if he did not know
that his wife was the weaker vessel"
" If she is she oughtn't to carry SO much
sail " replied Jack.
A PARTY who recently lectured in
Denver appeared to be somewhat dis
satisfied with his reception. &c Did you
have large audience?" asked a sympa-
thetic friend. "No; the authorities hav-
ing neglected to close the saloons, there
was not much of an attendance"
A LADY, whose cook went to a wake,
was given notice by her a fortnight af-
terward that she was going to be mar
ried. "Who TOT" asked the mistress.
Phase, man, to the husband of the
corpse" Why, does he love you?"
was the next question. ooh yes, man;
he said was the light of the funeral"
SLEEP.
| When to soft sleep we give ourselves away,
And in a dream, as in fairy bark,
| Drift on and on, through the enchanted dark,
To purple daybreak-little thought we pay
To that sweet-bitter world, we know by day.
We are clear quit OF it, as is the lark
| So high in heaven, no human eye may mark
The thin swift pnon, ceaying through the gray.
Till we awake, ill fate can do no i'll,
| The resting heart shall not take up again
| The heavy load that yet must make it bleed:
For this brief space, the loud worlds voice is still,
Nofaintest echo of it brings pain.
How will it be when shall sleep indeed
The God of " the true, the good, and
the beautiful is painting everything
that grows in this part of the earth, in
colors beyond the power of mortal man
to transfer to canvas. Flower, grass,
tree, sky, in fact, everything that comes
direct from his creating hand, attest the
faultless taste, the wonderful wisdom of
Him who reigns on high.
AN elusive Quebec grocer advertises
the peculiar delicacies OF the far-of Ind,
and the finely favored and humanizing
leaf of the still further Cathay the more
exciting though not less delicious berry
of Brazil, and the spices, sugars, and
luscious fruits of the Antilles; the su-
CARED condiments and the blood-enrich-
) ing wines of the Mediterranean, and the
salt-cured and brsin-renewing fish of our
own stormy Gulf" What he means to
say is that he sells tea, coffee, and cod
fish cheap for cash.
A CHoCTAw brave named Gahazi
, Carpenter filled himself with fre-water
: in New York City and proceeded to de-
molish inofensive Indians on guard at
r cigar shops. He Glove the skull of a
Tecumseh and was trying to scalp
, newly painted Pocahontss when the po-
5 lice interfered. Gabazi complained that
e when pale face got drunk in the far
: West the red man allowed him to go to
Z sleep, but in the pale face cities the red
t man who drank too much was put in the
/. calaboose. The Judge let him go.
CHICAGO Tribune: "Your face seems
:, familiar to me, sir" said one man to an
other on the Michigan Central train the
! other day; "can l have met you before
Was it at the Centennial? Or didn't
see you at St. Louis last fall ~ " 1t may