The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-02-09

PENCIL AND SCISSORS,

NEED teaches unlawful things.
GENIUS is only great patience.
AT every word reputation dies.
SCIENCE is the natural ally of religion.
OPINION crowns with an imperial
voice.
WHERE the offense is, let the great sx
fall.
IT is great evil not to be able to bear
an evil.
This world would be dreadful silent
place if people talked as little as they
thought.
KNOWLEDGE is vouchsafed to all who
seek for it. If man cannot have an
Astor library, he may own a patent
medicine almanac.
A DRAMATIC critic in st. Louis has had
rather severe experience with a COM
positor. The statement of the critic that
Miss MitchelPs new play, "Becky Mix, :"
contained "many pithy remarks" was
transformed into ."many filthy re-
marks"
"THE sentence of the Court is," said
Judge Porter, popular Irish Magistrate,
to notorious drunkard, that you be
confined in Jail for the longest period the
law will allow; and / hope you will
spend the time in cursing whisky" "Be
jabers will, and Porter, too," was the
answer.
TO PAIR OF OLD BOOTS.
Ye two companions of my wintry way,
Oft have we trudged it many weary mile
Through slop, and mire, and mud and clinging
clay,
And paced along with true pedestrian toll.
Now, sore against my will, part at length,
For ye are both grown old. and both worn out;
Your tough tanned bodies have resigned their
strength,
What boots it now that you were boots of yore,
| So neatly shining, supple, smooth and black;
No patent luster can your gloss restore,
No cobbler can recall your value back.
So man shall fail, and all his works to boot,
Nor art nor medicine decrepitude recruit.
A GOOD character is, in all cases, the
fruit of personal exertion. It is not in
herited from parents; it is not created
by external advantages; it is net a neces-
sary appendage of birth, wealth, talents
or station but it is the result of ones en-
deavors, the fruit and reward of good
principles manifested in course Of yir-
tuous and honorable action.
THERE is one advantge in having
wooden leg rather than set of false
teeth. A man isnever in any danger of
sneezing it off into somebody's lap in
street car, and it isn't so liable to come
down and choke him off Just as he be-
gins to sing for a numerous and expect
ant company. But then it is more un-
handy when fellow wants to kick some
body or ride horseback.
The Japanese say that we are reversed.
They call our penmanship "crab-writ-
ing" because they say " it goes back
ward" In japanese stable we find the
horses flank where we look for his head.
japanese screws screw the wrong way.
Their locks thrust to the left, ours to the
right. A Caucasian, to injure his enemy,
kills him; japanese kills himself to
spite his foe. Which race is right?
The story is told of clergyman that
after preaching an interesting sermon on
the " Recognition of Friends in Heaven"
was accoasted by a hearer, who said: " l
liked that sermon, and l now wish you
would preach another on the recogni-
tion of people in this world. 1have
been attending your church three years,
and not five persons in the congregation
have so much as bowed to me i'll all that
time."
BURLINGTON HaaskEye: There are
moments when even the tender language
of sympathy is mockery to the SORROW
stricken heart. What consolation is 1t
to a man who has slipped on the icy side
walk and broken through cellar grating,
to be told by Christian men on the other
side of she street, to fare up and hit it
harder next time"