Connecticut western news., 1877-08-24
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
 A BoARDER at one of the fashionable hotels, presuming upon his long &C., quaintance, asked the majestic clerk, pointing to casual bell-boy, how many of those ignes fatui the establishment employed. T don't know much about French" replied the monarch of the counter. "What makes you call them that?" "Because," replied the pre- sumptuous guest, "they are Wills-o'- the-whisp." The clerk said in an absent minded manner that it was very good; but when he was going off duty told the night clerk that in case the house took fire it would not be neces- sary to warn the occupant of 267.
 A BUxoM-LoOKING woman entered a dry goods store not long since, and asked the 'gentlemanly'' clerk to look at his calicoes. ''What prints will you look at9' inquired the clerk. "I don't want to look at no prince," said the yonng lady. s'I had rather see free born American citizen than all the foreign princes you can bring out" The ''gentlemanly" clerk looked red in the face, choked a little, and apologeti- cally asked what kind of calico he should show her.
 A LADY during visit in Ireland, was accosted in the streets of Cork by an old beggar woman, who begged for a hapenny. The kind heart of the lady yielded and bestowed a trifle, upon which the old beggar woman ex- claimed: g"May you ride in your car riagc, lady, and may it's wheels through dust in the eyes of your enemies, ifyou have any-which you haven't.'' This was worth tuppenoe.
 SWELL, John," said a minister to one of his hearers,'s 's'I hope you hold family worship regularlyp'' SAye, sir" an swered John, Gin the time O year o't.' .'' ''In the time O year o'tl What do you mean?" "Ye ken, sir, we canna see in winter." "But. John, you should buy candles" Aye, sir," replied John, tsbut, in that case, Pm afraid the cost might overhang the profit"
 -"THERE's some mind in this boy o yours," said the new pastor, stopping by the roadside and stroking the curly pate of a youngster whose father, one of the parishioners, was ploughing in the adjacent field.
 "And so there be, too," replied the rustic, greatly tickled; s'and so there be, sir; you'd just oug ght to see how he can mind sheep!"
 SCENE at a seaside hotel: Lean, lank stranger-"Why, look here, you charge me in my bill for a counterpane, $6.5O. Why, the mosquitoes ate up that counterpane, and why should I be charged with it?" Hotel keeper-stOf course you should. If you had been nice and fat the mosquitoes would have tackled you and let my counterpane alone!'' .> s rzz-
 (WHICH is the most valuable-ex- perience or instinct?" was the subject of a discussion at a country debating society recently. One member said experience taught us how to set a skunk trap, but when the animal was ofce caught it required instinct to tell us what to do in the premises-that is if we could stay on the premises to do it.
 A CLASS was being recently examined in the sea-beaten town of S.. The subject under discussion was the flood. Among the first questions put was, ,s'How did Noah understand that there was going to be a floodP" "Cause, , shouted an urchin, Che looked at his almanick."
 AT AN INN in Sweden there was the following inscription in English on the wall-"You will find at Trollhathe ex- cellent bread, meat, and wine, provided you bring them with you" This might be copied in many place of enter rtain- ment for man and beast.
 "YEs MA'AM, broke the vase." said Bridget, s'but it wasn't worth any, thing" "What do you mean, Bridget?' Why you told me ma'am yurself, never to use it for anything" Sevres china, imported expressly by Richard
 "WA1TER, " cried an irritable gentle man at Paris restaurant, "this wine is detestablei It is not Venve (Widow) Clicquot!'' ssWell, sir,'' replied the gareon, humbly sI don't know; it is very likely she has married again"
 AFTER sitting on the beach and seeing the breakers roll in will come the change, when vacation is over, of igur- ing how much it cost per breaker, and wondering if they could not have been got little cheaper at wholesale.
 'sMY BRAINS are on fire :" exclaimed an excited lady to her husband. >"Well my dear,o said the unfeeling man, taking revolver from drawer, s.just hold still moment, and l will blow them outp' ~
 "WILLIAM," said Emeline, sswhat do you see in those wild, wild waves?'' "Sea foam," curtly answered William. , MAY not lady be said to be dressed rather s'loud" when she wears roar silk.
 A LITTLE GIRLS idea of plane: A thing that scrubs snakes out of boards.
 A BRAY sing air-The song of mule.
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 subterranean Lake Tapped in Iowa.
 Early in July, while MT. George Peassal, of Coe twp, Rock Island county, was boring for coal on his farm in ravine, the surface of which is probably ten or twelve feet higher than Rock River, and went down sev- enty feet, they heard heavy rumbling noise, immediately followed by a rush of water from below, filling the six-inch tube, which raised the drilling machin-