The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1877-05-17
A HUMOROUS DOCTOR.
Tribulations and Trials of n Youthful Pill
baeger-A Speech that Convulsed the Mis-
souri, Medical Association.

souri, Mcdical Assoeiation.
From the Kansas City Times.l
At the banquet given to the Missouri
Medical Association at the ST. DANES
Hotel in this city on the 18th ult., the
Chairman called ON DIR. Willis p King,
of Sedalia, to respond to the toast, "The
Central District Medical Association.
Thd .inimitable drollery of the Doctors
manner is of course lost in the follow
inc report of his remarks, but the matter
is also full of humor ~ He said: sEf.tl
Mr. PRESIDENT AND GENTLEMEN-As
have not prepared speech, will
have to go off by spontaneous combus-
ton.
know it would be the proper thing
for me to say. that did not expect to be
called upon for a speech tonight; butt
would not be true. am thus particu-
lar about telling the truth in the begin
ming, because l want to get your conf
dence, when l will proceed to lead you
astray by telling you, some things that
are not true. .f
1 am glad that have been called up
on to say something in regard to the ex-
periences of the young physician, for l
have a warm and tender place in my
heart for the young doctors. No one
knows, except the young doctor himself,
how his heart palpitates over his first
case of sickness, and how his soul yearns
for an epidemic of measles or chicken
poxl ae Ggol slsE a leli
After L graduated, eleven years ago, l
started out from Sedalia, on horseback,
to the far Southwest, where my family
had moved while i was at college. q
will remark, while passing, that the first
thing did when arrived at the state
of manhood was to get family. / had
heard that it was best, and that no family
should be without one 49,.
On my second night out I staid all
night on the banks of the Usage River
During the evening neighbor came in
and saw my pill-bags. When started
out the next morning met the same
neighbor in company with an awkward
youth of about eighteen summers, or
summers Whereabouts. r-g -if b. .-4....
The youth had his hand tied. up in a
bundle about the size of ayearling mule.
He asked me if 1 was a doctor. told
him l thought was. Qreally did think
so, gentlemen.) ~tn ass. 81,
He proceeded to undo his hand by I'M
wrapping blue cloth from him. He
proceeded in this way until he finally
reached his hand. He had felon. We
went to the house. I remembered the
instructions of nay friend Dr. Gregory,
to get the patient behind you when you
90 to lance felon, with his arm under
your arm. l got him in this position,
put my knife down to the bone and walk
ed out on his phalanx!
He grabbed his sick hand with the
well one and hoped around on one
foot and howled like a wolf with a grind
stone on his tail, while l washed my
knife. He got out his only hah-dOllar.
1 took it, and felt like highway rob
! bert .gI -....y...l ..-..
l had young and tender conscience
then, gentlemen, but have got over all
that now. l can take the last cent a
man has without any computations.
would have liked very much to have
kept that half-dollar, as it was my first
fee; but | had to spend it. L was like
the boy in the novel-poor but honest.
am poor vet. arrived home in due
time and went into the practice. | had
all the experience common to young
physicians. met the old lady who doc
tored Sam Slocum's wife when she was
sick. She was handy with mustard
draft and hot poultice. She wore a
wart on her nose and red bandanna
handkerchief on her head.
The old lady and l became fast
friends, and would have remained SO
until this day if the old lady had not
taken the cramp collie: Twas called to
see her and concluded to cup her.
had no cupping-glasses and concluded
to use glass tumbler. The old lady
had good deal of looseness in the
particles of her abdomen. When put
on the glass her whole abdomen seemed
to run right into the glass and when
desired to take it off L could not. ]
worked and pulled and the old lady
howled. 1 CROPPED in unutterable dark
ness for quarter'of an hour and then
got a hammer and broke the glass We
never spoke again. l.i %
The Southwest was at that time set
tied by nomadic class of people. They
are not there now. They moved to Ar
kansas every fall and came back to Mis-
souri, in the spring. Each family gen
orally worked yoke of steers in an old
shack of wagon with a blind horse OF
a lame one in the lead. They general
ly had about ten or dozen children,
fourteen dogs and an old gun! / waited
on them in stables, tents, wagons, under
wagons and out of doors. l sometimes
found as many as three or four in one
bed, and they would emit an odor some
what akin to that emanating from sad
die blanket full of wet cats. had a
young and tender stomach then also. i
have since developed up a stomach that
don't get its back up at every passing
bad smell. f1zis 4 AZ
But of all the things that afflicted me
in my early experience as a physician,
the idea of consultation was the worst.
1 dreaded meeting the old physicians. ]
thought gray hhirs and wisdom were the
synonymous words. There was man
practicing in that country who had been
there, well, ever since the flood. He had
wonderful reputation. | put the thing
-