Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1877-12-12
HUNOROCs.

A s'SErrING" FAMuY.-"Boys often
manage to be out of the way just when
hard work is to be done at home. But
they cannot always give so good an ac-
count of themselves, as the boys in
Farmer Gruf7s family.
Old Farmer Gruff was, one morning,
tugging away with all his might AMI
main at barrel of apples which he was
endeavoring to get up the cellar stairs.
and calling at the top of his lungs for
one of the boys 10 lend him hand, but
in vain- When he had, after an infinite
amount of sweating and snuffing, ac-
complished the task, and just when they
were not needed, OF course, the ''bOys"
male their appearance.
''Where have you been, and what
have you been about, I'D like to know
that you could not hear me callE' in
Quired the farmer, in an angry tone,
and addressing the eldest.
''Out in the shop, settin' the saw"
replied the youth.
"And you, D.ck?"
"Out in the barn, settin' the hen."
"And you, sir ?"
"Up in granny's room, settin' the
clock"
"And you, young mang
"Up in the garret, setiin' the trap"
"And now, Master Fred. where were
you, and what were you settin'?" asked
the old farmer of the youngest progeny,
the asperity of his temper being some
what softened by this amusing category
of answers. Come, let's hear"
"Out on the doorstep, settin' still ~
replied the young hopeful, seriously.
"a remarkable set, | must confess"
added the amused sire, disper>ing the
grinning group with wave of his
hand"
EARLY RIsING.-A correspondent tells
the following story of q well known
railroad officer, whose headquarters are
not one thou-an miles from Pittsburgh:
His private secretary found it necessary
to leave home for few days on busi-
ness, and it was arranged that young
man should take his place in Mr.-'s
office during his absence. The secretary,
having kindly feeling for the young
man, suggested that he had better be
on hand early each morning, as his lord
and master was an early riser. Our
friend (who had been in the habit of
gOlIS W Ills dOoub . d. Ul
an extra effort and appeared at O'Clock,
ready to discharge his duties. Judge
of his surprise on finding that Mr.
was there before him, had already
finished his mail, read the morning
papers and was about lighting his
second cigar. swell, young man," said
Mr., "I'd like TO know where you
have been spending the forenoon?"-
Railroad Gazette.
Born SIDEs.-Rev. DIR. h. was little
careless about his personal appearance,
an1 some of his parishiOners were sus-
picious that his salary was inadequate
Finally, lady delicately broached the
subject, and he told her he hadn't a
whole shirt to his back. A dozen were
soon made and presented TO him. He
expressed surprise at the gift, when the
lady replied that she understood he
hadn't a whole shirt to his back.
True" said he, 81 did say so; but in
my seventy years experience | have
never been able TO wear more than half
a shirt TO my back; the other half al
ways comes on the front side"
A REPORTER recently called on lady
who had married a man who had al
ready two wives living. He asked her
what action she proposed TO take to
punish the deceiver, and was somewhat
surprised 10 learn that she intended to
take no action whatever. "Ohv' said /
the reporter. in astonishment, "'the old
story-with all his faults you love him
still-that Is, you shrink from the pub
lfn.r,-fT NJ afI ~ eaiI h., ha-
trayed woman calmly, 'but another
gentleman is paying attention TO me,
and thinks | am widow, a1d-and you
will oolige me by publishing nothing
about the matter"
ONE of those excrescences On life-a
female slanderer-went into a neigh
bOr's house the other morning with her
tongue loaded with new venom. There
were several women present, and the
slanderer's eyes glistened in anticipa-
tion. Throwing herself in chair she
-ighed and said: "Jne half of the
world don't know how the other half
ives. ."-"ihat ain t your fault" quietly
observed one of the company. The SLAM
derer turned yellow.-Dmbary NeloS.
The verses, 81 love To steal a while a
weigh" are supposed 10 have been
written by a grocer given TO short
measures.
''THIs ere chap can't give no account
of him self" said a policeman, who was
trying to lift a drunken man from the
gutter, to passer-by. ''Of course not,
was the reply; chow can you expect
man TO give an account who has lost his
bdldRceY"
An IRISH clergyman once broke off
the thread of his discourse and thus ad-
dressed the congregation: "My dear
brethren, let me tell you that | am just
half through my sermon; but as l per-
ceive your impatience, l will say that
the remaining half is not more than
quarter as long as that you have heard"
A GENTLEMAN recently presented him
self at the door of a French cabinet
minister, but the guard refused TO admit
him. 1t is all changed here, sir; your
friend has been removed. ."-''Impossi-
ble," was the answer; my friend is
always the man who is in office"
GALL the worlds stage" he rumi-
mated, "snd all the men and women
merely players, and most of the plays
are from Shakespeare, too. Before we
were married, Julia and L played
Romeo and Juliet, and now it's mostly
Tempest"
In BREsLAU successful attempt has
been made to erect a paper chimney
about fifty feet high. By a chemical
preparation the paper is rendered i'm
pervious to the action of fire or water.
-Er. The draft is secured by using
drawing paper.
"I TRY to preach the milk of the