The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-05-11
VARIETIES.

an exchange good japanese joke. Take
| back look ut it.
Some wretched admirer of silence in
sists thata loquacious speaker is like a
| river-greatest at the mouth.
In winding up an article on the last
| corn crop an Alabama editor remarked
I'VE have on exhibition in our sanctum q
magnificent pair of ears"
"A New York paper, speaking of FAM
lily that made fortune out of whisky, says,
"they live on Twenty-Thrd street, in a
perfect delirium tremens of splendor,"
When father discovers that his boy
has been using his razor to sharpen slate
pencil with, his faith that he is to be the
father of a Pesident is temporarily eclipsed
by his anxiety to find the boy and piece
Of lath.
"A little boy ran into the house the
other day, crying at the top of his voice
because another little boy wouldn't let him
put mud on his head with a shingle. Some
children are just like their PARENTS no &c
commodation about them.
-"Handsome is as handsome does"
quoted Chicago man to his wife on re-
cent occasion. EYES," rejoined the lady,
In winning tone, and holding out her
hand; "for instance, husband who is al
ways ready to hand some money to his
wife"
That must have been a malicious Jour-
nalist who, noting the presentation of
cup to brother editor, remarked "He
needs no cup. He can drink from any
vessel containing liquor, whether the neck
OF bottle, the mouth of pickle jar, the
Spite of keg, or the bung Of a barrel"
An individual who sold clans on the
Lords day defended himself with the plea
that he feared the clans would not keep
till Monday, and it would be better to pay
the costs Of court, and enjoy free CON
science, than to palm off dead clans on an
unsuspecting people, and suffer the pangs
of remorse"
An intolerable bore having talked
friend nearly out of his senses, finally
struck out on the "oyster," which he call
ed lone of the most remarkable specimens
of creative wisdom extant; when his friend
interrupted him, and closed the debate,
with the exclamation: "Ah, yes, the eys-
ter is glorious fellow! He always knows
when to shut up!"
=" Eve, did you hear that ladys name
that's come to see mamma 2"
Yes, Mrs. Abel"
81 wonder if she's the mother of those
two boys mother told us of. One of them
was naughty, you know, and killed his
brother"
"What nonsense, Eva Why, that hap
pened ever so long ago If she's anybody,
she must be their grandmother"
1t is said that young clergyman not
far from Penrith, on the eve of marriage,
and not wishing to trouble any of his
brethren, wrote to the late Bishop of Car
Isle, inquring, as he had already publish
ed the banns from his own pulpit, could |
he marry himself. His lordship made no
long appeal to ecclesiastical law, but at |
once capped the query with another
Gould you bury yourself2"
-" Rules to govern people who are
drowning" are published at length in a |
Milwaukee paper. This is a good idea, |
and should be followed by several similar |
codes, such as CORRECTIONS for ladies and |
gentlemen blown up in a steamboat -
Guide for the victims of a railway COLI
sion )" System to be pursued by aeronauts
who fall from their balloons :" "The whole
duty of man after u nitro glycerine explo-
SION" "Regulations to be followed by all
persons struck by lightning :" and prop
er department during rapid descent from
q sixth story window"
One night policeman caught negro
who came running down the street at full
speed, painting like a wind-broken horse,
and the officer wanted to know why and
wherefore the colored man was busting
around in that lively style at midnight's
solemn hour. "Wife's sick -gwlne for the
doctor'' gasped the man. "Where do
you lives' Lemme go-can't stop
she's NOSE dead" was the answer. Yet, in
spite of this, the officer pushed the African
up against II fence, and search brought
to light two chickens, clothes line,
Ratchet, and pair of boots, the same the
property of some other man.