The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1877-03-15
NU MBER As
An Hour at the Central Station Court.
Detroit Free Press.

"Can't control him, eh ?" mused tn
old man az he scratched his head. +" Wha
is his worst feature ?"
"Well, can't keep him in nights" sh
"Can't ehY And you want to know
what I'd do if he was my hoy"
eyes"
"Well, I'll tell you, madam. In tn,
first place I'd order carload of RAILROAD
iron. When got it I'd lay the boy OF
the floor on his back, and then I'd pill
the bars this way and that way, anC
across and up and down till / had foul
tons holding him down, and then I'd sii
down on top the heap and ask him if he
felt like whooping around"
But isn't railroad iron quite costly Y'
che cautiously inquired.
"Well, its good deal cheaper than il
was, madam, but if you can't afford to
try that plan why don't you get an
auger about four feet long and bore il
through your boy, and into the back
door,"
"I. might kill him, Mr.. JOY"
Very likely, but isn't it better for
you to kill him now than for him TO-
wander out West in his middle age and
be choked to death with cheap rope T'
"Then you would kill him now,
would your
81 would"
"I don't see how l can. and yet ii
may be the best way" she said, and the
tears fell so fast that she dropped her
veil and went out.
MORE OR LRss.
Rufus Springer, am told that you
have been drunk more or less ever since
the election" said the court to the first
man out.
"More or less" echoed the prisoner.
eyes, sir"
"Does that mean have been drunk
more since the election than before, or
less?"
"DOn't prevaricate, mutilate, or hes:-
tate, Rufus Springer, for the blue,jays
are singing, the grass looks green and
l" I've lots to do before Dame Spring
throws wide her golden DOORS"
Well, / haven't been drunk more or
less. was purity tight ON election day,
purity sober the day after, and can't
remember about the rest of the time.
There's doubt about it, and you ought
to give me the benefit of the doubt"
81 will, sir, and I'll also give you
thirty days in the House of Core ctiOn." /"
"Pll die first!'' exclaimed Rufus.
Very we'll, sir, in the corridor there
you will find hatchet, saw, crow
bar, deadly acids and an old musket.
Be as neat and clean about it as you can,
for Bijah has just tidied up for Sunday"
WHY HE WASN'T.
81 wasn't-no, sir, / wasn't, and I'll
swear to it till choke to death !" said
Elmer West as he appeared.
You deny that you were drunk ?"
do deny it. Pm sort of stranger
here, and haven't got money to pay a
lawyer, but want fair show"
You shall have it, Mr.. West. The
officer found you in al old wagon in the
alley. You were groaning and taking on
and calling for mashed potatoes. When
he reused you up you kicked and
fought and made use of the following
expression, viz: 'Whaz mazzer now
Whaz hotel zhis Whaz mazzer wiz
er moon, eh?' That's what you said,
Elmer West, and I'll leave it to you if a
sober man would talk that way?"
"That's where I've got you. Judge
That's peculiar trait in my character
If l am suddenly awakened at night, ]
always talk that way. The doctor says
my palate drops down. Oh, no, Judge
i wasn't bit drunk"
How do you know2"
"Well, I'll tell you. was composing
poetry on the stars when the officer came
up. composed as follows:
Beautiful golden star,
You are way, way of so far;
You are up SO high,
In the midnight sky
That can't get you, by gar'
" Could drunken man compose an
ode like that, you HonorY"
81 believe I've read that in some
magazine" said the court.
Never. Judge, Inever sell any of my
poetry. | compose it FOR my own amuse
ment and sometimes give it away to tht
poor"
Can you jump this town, Mr.. West 2
thonehtlully inquired the court.
Yes, or three other towns just al
big"
y" How loug will it take your
"Pll move on the word GO, your
Honor"
"Well, move, and do you be warned
by this little episode that, although Jus
tiCe may fool around q man for fit,
long years, she's certain to get the crap,
vine twist on him at the end"
REMARKS.
There being no more cases on hand
his Honor removed his spectacles an,
said:
I" desire to give notice to this crow,
in attendance that have lost my diar
for 1877. l began keeping it on Ne,
Years day, and l believe there's q
many as seven or eight entries in i
Having lost the book, I can't remembe
whether l swore of on smoking G
swore to smoke twice as much as beior,
and il any of you happen to find th
book I'd take 1t as great favor if il ws
returned. We will now disperse int
various directions"