St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-08-10
Squibs.


you smile you draw a nail out of your
coffin" But who the deuce wants a
coffin with all the nails drawn out p
Boston Post
"That boy has his mothers eyes.n
Eyes, and l noticed that he had his
fathers umbrella.n Since then the lad
is known as ''the boy with his mothers
eyes and his fathers umbrella"
"Goot day, Moses. Vy-s' help me
my tear, how you vas shanged. Wouldn't
nefer haef known youI" "But my name
is not Moses, sir" "Kreat hefens who
would think it-your name shanged
tOo?"
Said she "What's the news in town ?''
Said he: "Nothing much what's the
news up the river? p Said she: "Noth-
ing much, either; but there'll be lots of
barley and babies this harvest" ."-A Dia-
lOgue from Reese rirer, NeUada.
Surgeon: "Your pulse is still very
high, my friend. Did you get those
leeches all right / sent the day before
yesterday ?" Patient: ayes, sir, | got
'em right enough. But mightn't have
'em billed next time, sir ?"-Pmch
A war map fell into the hands of a
ShlSdSo NoIittIl. hOuO luOuSllb IL WIS IL
pattern, and tried to cut a chemise
by it.
''No Sunday beyond here" is the in
scriptiOn on sign-pOst in the Moose
head region.
He bowed low and long, and his Obeis-
ance seemed painful, even unto tears.
"Wherefore,n we cried, Esuch violent
salutations; for there is no presence
here, either masculine, feminine, neuter
or common to demand such stupendous
flexiOn." go, shut up, can't you ?" he
sadly replied, Its them cucumbers
that's doublin' me-" I5tuSUiHe Herald.
'Student" Otium cum dignitate means
taking your wife, children, and mother
ing the day wishing for night and the
night slapping mosquitoes.
A high-collared, eye-g -glassed, mutton
chop whiskered, suobbish-lOoking Eng
lishman up at the Glen House the other
day, was gazing at the big patch of
snow on Mount jefferson with an i'm
mense amount of wonder. Finally he
turned to a native and inquired: Il
say, mistaw, -ah-yOu tell me if
that is snow that l see up yondaw ?"
''NO, sir, it is not" was the reply. "But,
sir" exclaimed the Englishman, 81 am
told it-ah-is a snow bank, and you
know" ''Iknow," said the American,
''that they sag it is snow, but,"-he
added contidentially-"T don't mind
telling you how it is. You see, few
of us went over there to-day and we
found it is nothing but a big ledge
which our friend Milliken ere has had
whitewashed so as to make his guests
think they are looking at a snow bank.
| tell you my friend, there is nothing
these Yankee hotel men wont do to get
CUSTOM"
A man made a bet he would pass
twenty-five men over Waterloo bridge,
London, without toll being taken from
| them, and he won. He marsIalled his
men and asked the tOllman in nom
chalant way to count them. As soon
as the last man had passed the turn
stile, and all were walking briskly
away, he entered into dispute with
the tollman as to the number he had
passed. "Twenty y-five," said the toll
man. 81 vow it was twenty-seyen.r
asserted the other. The dispute con-
tinued until the last man was out of
sight, when the speculatOr paid his
half-penny and said, "Well, after all, it
is no matter of mine. Good morning."
An old rail-splitter in Indiana put
the quletus upon young man who
chaffed him upon his bald head, in these
words: "1Oung man, when my head
gets as soft as yours, l can raise hair to
SELL"
Mr.. Cartier, of New York, waltzed
six hours in one straight heat, the other
night. The intellectual DEVELOPMENT
of that young mans legs is fully as
marvellous as the gloomy vacuity of the
thing he wears his hat on.-HaWkeye.
Yet another warning. Joseph Bates
of Vermont, falls dead while carrying
in an armful of wood. Show this para
graph to your wife, nay, cut it out and
pin it to the wOodshed door.-N. H.
Mirror.
Some amusement was caused not long
ago in an English court by a female
witness, who, on the oath being admin
istered, repeatedly kissed the clerk in
stead of the book. 1t was some time
before she was made to understand the
legal thing to do.
A stroke of lightning, the other day,
tore boys boot all to pieces and
didn't harm the boy. The reason was
that he had placed the boot under
tree and gone in swimming.
"All the evil and all the corruption
that is hidden away in this thing" re-
marked Governor Tilden, speaking of
the recent presidential struggle, "must
and will come out" And then as the
vessel went swinging down the long.
smooth, sickening side of the swell, lie
leaned over the rail, and it did seem to
his friends as though everything but his
toe nails came out in the next four min
Burlington Haa0keye.