The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-05-24

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
LsaHr blue tissue wells are in style.
"THr German Crown Primes Sars
NpE. "-Oowrjer.yo xrNee.
A POET talks Of the sheen Of Nav. :"
Isn't this NAY. sheen poetryt
0nAftttNts afe said b keep seue
away, but quinine takes up less room.
DuN.coLoRED horses would be about
the most appropriate style for man in
debt.
WHAT sort Of essence does I Soune
maa like when he pops the question -
Acquiescence.
CALIFORNIA has eight hundred tons of
honey to sell ut close figures. There's
cramps for all creation.
The tombstone Of . Coroner who hanged
himself has this inscription upon it: "He
lived and died by suicide"
A CLERGYMAN Of Allegheny county. N.
T., advertises himself q "pastor Of -
church and notary public"
S0Na Of . sufferer from the toothache:
How happy could I be with etheri"-
Boston O0asSseveial Bulletin.
A LITTLE girl suffering from the
mumps declares that she feels q though
headache had slipped down into her
neck"
WALKING in your sleep is now termed
q trance action.-Woysd. Yes; at that
moment the soul is trance-my. gracious
Ness York Cryptic.
The Norristown Herald has discovered
that no man can get 60 rich as to be be-
yond the necessity of living on . crust
" tle earth's crustl''
The Oil City Derrick has the --latest
man in America for neighbor. ut 10 .
common occurrence for his watch to run
down while he is winding it up"
TIE United States Circuit Court of Ore.
gon adjourned tout of respect" to its
clerk, who had committed suicide at the
close of q month of constant intOxication.
An Indiana doctor has Just made the
discovery that asparagus secretes . viru-
lent poison. Thus he cruelty disparagus
the most delightful IF our early vegcta-
bles:-Burlinoton HaWk- Eye.
The Laiiny breath If spfing IL So I'll.
twined with the fragrance of new onions
that man has to grip his hose with i
spring clothes pin every time he sto0ps to
pluck *i6let:-Dan6ury Nesbs.
No oNE can say that the day won't yet
come when every family will have num-
Der of CLANS trained 10 pinch children,
and thus save parents using the whip and
the boot jack.-Dstrois Fres Press.
HuNDREDs Of our young doctors, 1t is
rumored, are applying for positions %
surgeons iii the Turkish army. This is,
indeed, help for Russia from an unex.
pectcd s0urce.-N. z. Consmer:6al Ad-
Sertiser.
A DEsMONKs woman visiting Boston
writes home that all the teachers but one
remain in one of the public schools who
were there when she left, in 1868. She
thinks that an indication of the stability
Of New England institutions. Her hus.
band thinks that it is an indication of the
slim chances maids in Massachusetts, nave
b get married:
Il GEHTtExAN observed ap iirchip VIII
had large slice of bread III his haiid
and who was crying bitterly: my SON, u
he exclaimed, "what are you crying
aboutr' "My mother won't oo-hoo-oo)
put any butter on my bread boo-hoo-oo)r'
"Oh, 10 that all p said the gentleman.
I" It amt 90 much the butter" retorted
the little urchin; It's the disposition Of
the old womaii.''
FIL1AL affection glitters like diamond.
dust, and Is as valuable. Fllial affection,
mixed with selfishncss, is like diamond.
dust mixed with broken bits of glass, and
is worth less. We have heard Of . man
whose aged mother was bitten by neigh.
boris dog, and who delivered himself
thus: II will certainly kill that dog, be.
cause he has disabled my aged mother. A
man con have but one mother, and mine
has only few years left and that bite has
laid her up SO she can't bring in the wood
or fetch water from the we'll, or make
herself useful in any way. At the very
best could have expected her to do these
things only few years more, and now
have lost even that. The dog shall die: y
Such unparalleled affection Is worthy Of
all Commentator. r. Herald.
MANY years ago, . certain parson wat
silently adding to personal unpopulsfitj
by urging the purchase of new organ
upon the individual members of his con
gregation; without making much head.
way. At last he accosted q substantial
gentleman aS follows: Deacon B -, II
has surprised us all that you do not entei
into this organ business with your usual
zeal in other church matters. What's the
troublev' "Well, Parson, will tell you
! am well satisfied with your ministra,
tons, but there are those who begin tc
whisper that you are getting too old, etc..
and have been afraid that If the y0une
people got new organ at one end of thu
church, they would soon be clamorine
for new organ at yours" The reply wa
satisfactory, and the old organ remained
for many years thereafter.-Nss Hooes
Re0ister.
ACCORDING to the New York Times, n
Oswego man invented plan for riddinl
his corn. fields of the destructive crow
This man, whenever he plants his corn
leaves in . conspicuous position In thu
field boxful of corn which has been thor
oughly soaked in alcohol, and remarks II
loud though apparently careless voice
that for his part he likes crows, and 10 de
termincd that they shall have their fail
share Of corn. Thus encouraged, tn
crows flock to the feast as soon as tn,
farmers back Is turned, and in the cours,
of one or two hours are rendered a. drunl
as an equal quantity of boiled owls. A
this point the farmer returns with clul
and q double-barrcled gun. With tn
former he beats out the brains Of tn,
drunken crows with the skin of mode
policeman, and with the latter he shoot
those who are sober enough to staggc
away in search of safety. The few VIII
can still manage 70 fly escape, and thci
description of the Infamous character o
that particular farmer, and the degrading
and fatal consequences Of indulgence il
his adulteratcd corn, readily influences al
the crows to shun the field in which in
toxicating corn Is dispensed. The ingcni
Gus farmer who invented this stratagen
will have the gratitude of all0thcr farmers
The Falling u the Rockford Court
nouSo.
The Winnebago County Court House
which this morning, when our citizenl
commenced their days labor, was thu
pride of their hearts, IL now . desolat,
ruin, . monument of criminal incompe
tency ON the part Of some one. Families
that l,af3e nflian n their LIVED nraa n thI