The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-07-14
VARIETY.

4 merchant asked his Sabbath-school class the
other Sunday, sWhat is solitude?" and was ans
wered by boy that reads the papers, L" The
store that don't advertise"
A mother having occasion to reprove her little
daughter for playing with some rude children
received in reply, ssWell, ma, some folks don't
like bad company, but always did"
"WelI, if this isn't meanl" said an indignen
pickpocket. Here this feller a-goin' about with
this 'ere yaller chain, and when pulls it out
there amt watch on the end of it,"
The New England undertakes are reducing
their rates in hopes that the number of funerals
will be increased thereby. Their prices have
been so steep heretofore that very few persons
of ordinary means had the courage to die. They
couldn't afford it.-NorristoWn Herald.
A uroseIyting negro Baptist recently approach
ed a benighted Methodist brother in this way
6 You've read the Bible, 1 s'pose?'' " Yes" +"
swell. YOU We read in il of one John the Bap-
fist. hasn' t you ?'' Yes " Well, you never
saw nothing about no John the Methodist, did
your NO. Well, den, you see, dere's
Baptists in the Bible but dere amt no Metho-
dist, and de Bibles on my side.''
Such learned and honored philologists as Pro-
fessors Whitney and March officers of
spelling reform association which gives this
specimen of how they would do it Their being
so It'll diferens between the apeerans ov the
fonetie and the ordinary print and script, thoez
hoo can reed and riet the later will reed the To-
netc print and script ezily, and the new spelling
can be intrOdeust gradeualy without hinderans
to biznes or frenship.
A specimen of native Hindoo English was re-
ceiyed by an officer at Secunderabad. After
implorine the benefcence of the regiment, the
applicant stated: '' i got three brothers and
two sisters, including me, but my brothers are
dumless and they hare no legs and hands, but
for NV another sister she have no eyes, and foI
myself can't talk, and beside that my brothers
aud sisters they never eat rice nor bread except
milk and sugar, and my brothers and sister they
are turned as Christians"
Children and fools speak the truth An
unfortunate widower has found that this is true.
Preparing, not long since, for a ride with q
young lady and desiring to blind the eyes of his
housekeeper respecting his Grand, he very
politely informed his little son he could 90 too.
No, guess not answered the small man in
come along persisted the father. SHANE
do it," replied the urchin. ssWhy didn't YOU
go?'' questioned the lady in charge after the
father had left, " he wished it, I think. -
1sDid MT either,' retorted the boy, 's he said in
the bedroom he'd give me ten cents if stay at
home"
When the first branch bank was opened al
Bloemfontein in the Orange Free State, South
Africa a Boer, who, after the manner of his
kind had boarded up all his savings at home
With view to buying more land, presented him
seIf to the manager, and said. 81 hear that yor
take care of peoples money. How much do yor
want for taking care of mine? ?' We dom
want anything was the answer; "and, more
over, if you leave it with US for fixed time
we'll give you interest on it." .' What !" sail
the BOer, IS you offer to pay me for taking car
of my money. You must be id set o
scoundrels.'' And he walked of, buttoning a
his breeches pocket.