Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1877-11-06
MIScELLAkE GUS.
SCARED OUT OF A WIFE.

S5HE narrative which am about to write,
was told to me one black, cold night. in
n country parlor. 1t was one of those nights
in midwintcr, when tho wind swept over the
land, making everything tngle with its frosty
breath, that 1 was seated before blazing
fire, surrounded by jolly half dozen boys
and an old bachelor-Peter Green, about
forty and eight years old.
1t was just the night without to make
those within enjoy good story, SO each OF
US had to tell his tavorite story, save Mr..
Green, and as he was jolly old fellow, we all
looked for jolly story. We were some>
what surprised to hear him say, 81 have no
story that would interest you," so we had to
find other entertainment for time, when
one of the boys told me to ask him how it
happened he never got married. So | did.
"Well, gentlemen" he began, cit don't
look right tor me to tell how that happened,
but as it is about myself don't care much.
You see when l was young we had to walk
as high as five miles to church and singing
school, which was our chief enjoyment. But
this didn't have anything to do with my get
ting wife, but just wanted to show you
that we had some trouble them days in get
ting our sport.
''John Smith and I were like brothers, or
like Mary and her little lamb ; where ono
went tho other was suro to go. So we wont
to see two sisters, and We were not tho
best boys imaginable, tho old gentleman took
umbragc and wouldn't allow us to come near
the house, so We would take the girls to the
end of tho lane, and their we would have to
take the fiual kiss.
awe soon got tired of that kind Of fun,
and told John on our way to singing school
ono night, that I was going to take Sadie
homo, and shat was going into the house,
| too.
"He said tAe old man would run mo if I
did.
"I told him was going to risk it anyhow,
let come what would.
ale said he would risk it if I would.
$50 home we went with the girls.
"When We got to the end of the rond I
told tho girls VIC proposed going all the way.
"They looked at each other in a way |
didn't like too we'll, but they said the old
folks would be in bed, SO they didn't caro- if
| VIC did.
"They were little moro surprised still
when told them We thought of going in a
little while, but as all was quiet we had no
trouble in getting into the kitchen.
"Then and there we had our first court,
and made up my mind to ask Sadie to be
my wife She nezt tine came.
at was now past the turn Of night, and
We had four miles to walk. / told John we
had to be going. SO we stepped out on the
porch, but as VIC did so, the sky was lit up
by lightning, and one tremendous thunder
peal rolled along tho mountain sides. Its
| echo had not died out in the far of yales uu-
til tho rain began TO drop from the garnered
fuIlness of the clcads. We waited for it to
stop until we we're all sleepy, when the girls
| said we should 20 to bed in the little room at
the head of the kitchen as their father didn't
! get up early, we could be homo before the
old folks were astir. SO after bidding the
girls a sweet goodnight, and hugging them
| a little, and wishing them pleasant dreams
and promising them 10 come back next Sat-
urday night, we started for bed.
awe didn't have far to go, as tho bed
stood near the head of the stairs. John was
soon in bed, but as was always little slow
and full of curiosity, l was looking around
the little room.
cat last thought would sit down on a
| chest which sat spread over with a nice white
cloth, when, stars of the East, went plump
! into big egg custard pie.
81 thought John would die laughing, for
he said had smashed. the custard all to
thunder, and the plate right in two.
| "You see We had to be awful quiet, so tha.
the old man would not hear.
81 was now ready to get into bed, so pu,
the light ont and picked Ep my boots, think
ing to put them in a more convenient place
when down my one leg went through a pipe
hole, which had been covered with paper, up
to my hip.
"Now one part of me was up stairs, while
the other part was in the kitchen.
''As my leg was very long, i. reached {
shelf which was occupied with dishes, coffee
pots, ETC., and turning it over, down it went
| with tremendous crash.
''The girls had not yet retired and could
hear them laugh fit to split their sides.
81 felt awful ashamed, and was scared un.
til my heart was in my throat, for expected
the old man every moment
81 extracted my leg from the confounded
hole just in time, for the old lady looked into
the kitchen from the room down stairs and
asked what all that noise was about.
"The girls pu. her off as best they COULD
| aud l went to bed, while John was strsug'
ling himself under the cover to keep from
laughing aloud.