The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1877-04-12
FACTS AND FANClES.


ounces 60 to the party and the other
ounce TO the Toor,
A WOMAN IN Oshkosh ground nearly
half of a shirt through clothes-wringer
last Monday before discovering that her
baby was in the shirt. 1t was an awful
strain on the wrngcr.
"Do you ever have any hops in
Maine ~ asked New York belle, who
was dressing for ball, of u country
cousin from the Pine state "Oh, yes,
lots pa has forty acres of 'em in one
field"
"Do believe in second love? Ita
man buys a pound Of sugar, isn't it
sweet? And when its gone, don't lie
want another pound; and isn't that as
sweet, too? Troth, Murphy, believe
in second love-"
"NIY friend, don't you know that it is
very dangerous to take nap while the
train is in motion? "Why so?" ex-
claimed the individual, waking up---~
"Why sc? ?" "Bccause this train runs
over slcepers."
THE Burlington Hawkeye tells the
story of two commercial travellers lately
comparing notes ~ follows; 81 have
been out three weeks" said the first
missionary, "and have only got four
orders" "That beats me, y replied tho
second commercial evangelist, 81 have
been out four weeks and have only got
one order, and that's an order from tho
house TO come home"
"YoUNG man do you know what rela-
tions you sustain in this world % said
minister OF our acquaintance to young
memherof the church. eyes, sir" said
the hopeful conyert-"two cousins and Il
grandmother but | don't intend to sus.
tain them a great while longer"
FEW men have strictly mathemati-
cal mind but we never knew one who
couldn't calculate within sixteenth of
an inch where his neighbours property
began when he was shoveling snow off
his own sidewalk. - N0rwich Bulletin.
ACCORDING to the Chicago Journal,
putting on OvcrcOats while the doXOIOgy
is being sung is one of the sins Of this
nation. Blessed is he who does not own
an overcoat, for he sins not by putting it
on before the benediction is pronounced
CELIA LOGAN says that when New
York actors want dress rehearsal in
part before they venture to perform to Il
metropolitan audience they 90 over To
Newark, New Jersey, engage hall and
play it, This they call trying it on
dog"
A SAILOR was recently brought before
magistrate for beating his wife, when
the magistrate attempted to reach his
heart by asking him il he did not know
that his wife was the weaker vessel"
'lf she is, she oughtnt to carry 50 much
sail !" replied Jack.
THIS telephone will soon reyoutionile
domestic affairs, for the man, instead OF
bushingly telling his wife at the supper
table that he will I've detained at his
office, can 90 down town, and whisper
through the telephone that it is lodge
night.-Oa City Ne~ick.
or young "Corneel," the elder Cor
neIus Vanderbilt once said: "That
boy would spend million year, if he
could get it, so he didn't leave much
money to the boy, which is the cause of
the war against the will of the wise
father who knew his child.
SEVERAL holes were charged in drift
in gold hill mine One blast failed to
20 off, One of the miners was ordered to
20 in and see what the matter was. "NO,
sor," he said, firmly; 81 was blown up
in CalilOrny vance that way, an Ia
rather lave me work than be kilt again"
A BLUFF country farmer meeting the
parson of the parish in a by-lane, and not
giving him the way as readily as he
expected, the parson, with an erect
chest, told him that che was better fed
than taught" "Very true, indeed, sir"
said the farmer "for you teach me and |
feed myself.
AFTER n christening at church, while
the minister was making out cerliii-
cate, he happened to say. ''Let me see,
this is the 3Oth." "rhirtieth ~ ex-
claimed the indignant mother; indeed.
it is only the eleventh !" The minister
was alluding to the day Of the month";
the lady to the family statistics.
Az Irish review says that in Dublin
society the professional classes are evry-
thing, and the commercial classes moth
ing; the wealthy tradespeope are always
persisteutly endeavOring to gain a social
footing in Dublin, but are sternly re-
sisted by the "proiessionocracy;" that
no seamstress works SO hard as the wives
of rich Dublin traders trying to tight
their way into the charmed ring of law
yers and doctors.
A TEXAS newspaper informs its read
, ers what kind OF people they want IN
that state. They have twice too many
I doctors and nine times too many lawyers.
. In fact, they propose to swap OIL ten
LAWYERS for one northern farmer, lhey
would like few more good preachers
and great many less poor cnes. But
I the great want is farmers; "hve million
/ GOOD farmers" will receive welcome
q within the borders of Texas. But they
want "early-rising, hardworking, sober,
cood-managing men,"
A RHODE ISLAND man recently told
: his son to cut hole in the barn so that
the cat could go in and out, the barn
being infested with mice. The boy did
so, locating it just where the barn door
when open, would cover the hole. How
in thunder is the cat to get into the barn
when the hole is covered ?" asked the
provoked father. "Why, through the
door, of course" replied the son. The
parent suddenly remembered that he
wanted something in the house, and
went in after 1t.
> THIS is the way member OF the Ne.
, vada legislature talks about the hotels
, of Carson: "They just made careful
:, inventory of mans salary and gagged
9 their bills accordingly. Whenever
cocktail was sent up to room they
charged the whole floor with gallon .,
= whisky to each man. Why, they nSa
: one lady. who was q strict temporary