Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1877-11-21
A Man Under the Bed.

verance of looking under the bed fo
a man. No man in his senses eve
looks under the bed for a woman, bu
there are millions of women in thi
country who would find it quite i'm
possible to sleep in any bed unde
which they had not previously looked
for concealed man. Experience j
lost upon them. The average mar
ried woman of forty years Of age ha
usually looked under the bed at leas
1900 times, without ever once find
ing the expected man but she is no
in the least discouraged by so long {
course of failure, and it would be easy
to find women of ninety years of ag'
who still nightly search for the mar
whom they have never founc.
Miss Johnson of Evanstown, viii
hereafter be famous as q woman whose
long perseverance has been signaly
rewarded. 1t would be indellcate tc
inquire into her precise age, had she
not described herself in a recent at.
fidayit as having been born in the
year 1884, aid we may, therefor, take
for granted that she is at least forty
three years DID, If we assume that
she began 10 look under the bed at the
age Of fifteen, it follows that she has
performed that ceremony more than
10000 times. Until last Friday she
never found the smallest fragment of
man under her bed, but on that
eventful night her perseverance was
rewarded, and the long.sought man
greeted her astonished gaze
Miss johnson being an unmarried
lady, not wholly unconnected with the
millinel's trade. and full of womanly
independence, resides entirely alone in
a small house containing but three
rooms-a kitchen, shop and bed room.
Dogs she despises, and cats she mis-
trusts. while as for men, she regards
them as poor creatures who may pos.
sibly have their uses in time of
drought, when the water must be
carted from the creek, but who, as a
rule, make more trouble about house
than their necks are worth. Holding
these views, it naturally follows that
Miss johnson lives alone, and the cool
bravery with which she locks up her
house at night and seeks her solitary
couch, no matter if a first-class thund-
,r.storm is in progress, has for years
been the admiration of the more timid
of her sex.
1t was about IL o'clock last Friday
night when Miss Johnson stopped
down and looked under her bed for
possible man, precisely as she had
done on 10000 previous nights
Whether she was CT was not astonish-
ed at perceiving large.sized man
lying under the bed, with the back of
his head toward her. will never be
known, but at any rate she gave no
sign of astonishment, and did not
even inform the man that sac saw him.
On the contrary, she resumed with
great deliberation the nocturnal twist
ing of her back halr, and even softly |
hummed "Hold the Fort" with as
much distinctness as could be expect
ed OF a woman while holding comb
between her teeth. Her back hair
being finally finished, she opened her
window, turned down the lamp until
it gave forth dim and modest light,
and then stepped gracefully into bed.
But not to sleep.
That sagacious woman was perfect
y well aware that the man under the
bed, not suspecting that he had been
discovered, would creep forth with a
view 10 plunder, as soon as he found
hat she was asleep. The bedstead
stood in the corner of the room, and
rom the position of the man it was
'lain that he would creep out at the
tide of the bed. Miss Johnson, there
ore changed her usual manner of
herself to rest, and lay, as
he subsequently expressed it, "fat as
pancake" with her head projected
'ver the side of the bed at the precise
ocality where she expected the man
o appear For at least halt an hour
he lay perfectly still, watching for
he man with slealtby vigilance that
would have done credit to an astute
md experienced cat. Not a muscle
" hair-pin ct her frame moved, and
Ter breathing was as slow and regular
is that of profound sleeper. At
ength, the man, confident that she
vas asleep, softly began to worm him.