Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1877-08-22
He Had Grecian Cheek.

/
The person who claimed this dis
tinction in the above terms, was q
slightly inebriated man who had
been hauled up before Justice Nor
rison for stopping lady on the
street and requesting her to be his
blushing bride.
The lady had remarked: "I'll
blushing bride you, you dirty loaf
err" and turned him over to peel
er.
"Yes, sir; I'm the greatest living
mortal wonder" assumed the fel-
low. "See posters and small bills. I"
81 don't see anything about you
but the dirt" returned the Judge.
"You look very much as if you
had slept in in coal bin"
"Coal-bin! I'm the tatooed man,
I tell you."
"Tattooed fiddle sticks. You're
probably a dock coal-heaver, and a
drunken one at that. A little soap
and water would take off your
tattoo"
"Judge, you do noble stranger
wrong" returned the sooty prison.
er, drawing himself up haughtily.
"I'm a noble Greek, sir. My father
was a quartermaster in the Trojan
war. Helen, whom you've read of,
sir, If you've read the classics at all,
was my mothers first cousin on
her fathers side. Marco Dozarris,
whom the Turk lay dreaming about
in his tent, was my uncle. My
noble race would disown me If l
stopped to tell you n lie. No, /
was captured by savage band of
Malays when quite young, and
subjected to the cruel punishment
called tattooing. Twas bound to the
ground, and cruel barbs dipped in
the black fluid were thrust in my
flesh seven hundred million times"
"Oh, how heartless. How you
must have suffered" exclaimed the
Judge, his sympathy thoroughly
aroused.
"I did. Oh, indeed l did. /
suffered untold agonies."
"How long did it take the
wretches to complete their savage
work p
1.-TWO or three days, your honor,
during which l prayed to die"
'By the way, John," said the
judge, turning to the clerk, ''just
figure up how long it takes man
to count seven hunded million, not
to say how long It would take him
to make that many thrusts with a
cruel barb. Go on with your story,
my noble, but tattooed Greek"
"Oh, the fiends punctured my
tender and delicate flesh until /
was tattooed from head to foot. ]
felt worse'n pincushion. Imagine
seven hundred million mosquitoes
singing you at the same time. 1t
would be unpleasant, but you could
drive them away. Would that !
could have driven away the million
stings Of those cruel barbs. It
was months before healed mp, and
then one night I made my escape.
I returned to my home, to my
friends, tattooed, disfgured, hor-
rible object. My wife looked in
vain for the obliterated strawberry
mark by which she used to identi-
fy me. / was deserted by my
friends. l was cut dead on the
very streets of Athens, where my
ancestors had strolled with Plato
and Demosthenes. / was disown-
ed and became q wandering out
cast until I joined the circus, where
I now exhibit myself for $1,000
per week and washing, my wash
ing not amounting to much, as !
go almost naked most of the time"
"How old are you, son Of clas-
sic racei"
"Thirty-two."
"Thirty-twol My clerk here
figures ont that, taking your own
estimate Of the number Of thrusts
Of those cruel barbs, Il would re-
quire one hundred and three years,
sixty-seven days, and thirty-nine
minutes TO tattoo you. In the
light Of these figures, my dear
Athenian, yours is not altogether
plausible. Then Why didn't they
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