The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-11-16
WIT AND HUMoR.


BORED of trade--The clerk who has
spent two hours in an Intellectual attempt
to sell ten yards of calico.
A PAPER says Of very prominent
militia General that "his sword was
never drawn but once, and then in a
rattle"
"WHEN L de-" said married man,
81 want to go where there is no snow to
shovel" His wife said that she presumed
he would.
81 GO through my work" as the needle
said to the idle boy. but not until you
are hard pushed" as the idle boy said to
the needle.
A FAvoRrrE mode of introduction in
Brazil is said to be, "This is my friend;
if he steals anything from you, am re-
sponsible."
"PLn call to-borrow," said the man
with q cold in his head, as he went out of
doctors office. "No, you needn't"
was the reply. never lend.
WHAT is the difference between poor
gun and borrowed masquerade cos
tune? One is fired and doesn't hit, and
the other is hired and doesn't fit. Puck.
A HOME thrust. Doctor" Now tell
me, Colonel how do you feel when
you've killed MANI" Colonel"
very well, thank you, Doctor. How do
you ?" ...,. t.ser, a.sf
A FARMER was asked why he did, not
take the newspaper. Because" said
he, "my father, when he died, left me
good many newspapers, and have not
read them through yet"
The other day mean man out in
Western Iowa went off into a quiet coun-
try place and died so quick that his wife
got the insurance money before the COM
pany had time to fail. The President
says he never felt so swindled and cut
up since he has been in the business.
The announcement that Lydia Thomp-
sons blondes carry a "mountain of
trunks" will be received with some sur
prise by the bald-headed man who sits
in front orchestra chair and believes
that the girls have their costumes for
warded by postal card. = Worcester
Press.
"LooK at that crowd" said gentle
man to a clergyman he was showing
through the State Department the other
day. "Just look at that crowd going
up in the elevator to Mr.. Evarts' ROOM
Yes, replied the divine, "that's the
largest Collection for Foreign Mis-
sions I've seen taken up in many q day."
-Neo York Commercial Advertiser.
He was told to remain after school,
when the teacher, trying to impress
upon his mind the sinfulness of not
speaking the truth, asked him if they
did not tell him in the Sunday-school
where bad boys went who told false
hoods. Choking with sobs, he said (:
Yes, marin, it is a place where there
is fire, but 1 don't just remember the
name of the town."
A FARMER, being poorly provided with
materials of sustenance for his men, fed
them with bork cooked with the rind
upon it. A young man of the company,
not liking the outer portion of the food,
was observed by the host to be carefully
removing the outside covering, where
upon the latter said "Young man,
we eat the rind and all here" To which
the youth replied Cali right, old
man; I'm cutting it off for you.
A BosroN drummer, who prides him.
self on his charms, forever lost his pride
the other day. He drove his fellow
drummers wild in car by his atten-
tons to a comedy maiden, to whom he
showed his samples, and whose hand he
squeezed for half an hour. But when
the train stopped a quiet old fellow
stepped forward and thanked him for
entertaining the girl, remarking, "She
is hopelessly insane, and / am taking
her to the State asylum here"
CRUMBS FROM THE CINCINNATI BREAKFAST
TABLE,
THRICE armed is he who hath his quarrel just.'
Shakespeare.
And four times he who gets his blow in fust
SCIENCE, with all its accuracy and pre-
cision in many directions, has never been
able to make out to the satisfaction of
thinking minds why a servant girl always
has more cousins than any other living
creature .,
WTH all our telephones, railroads,
savings banks, bell-punches and other
advantages, in some respects we are no
better off than one of Esau's camel driv-
ers. 1t is just as impossible to get the
last word with woman now as it was in
that primeval day.
THE glories of Indian summer have
often been decked with the fowerets OF
poesy by the long haired warblers who
live on moonshine and spill coffee on
their cravats, but do they ever lean up
against tree and think about It's giving
the mosquito six weeks extension on
the debt of nature?
OLD fogies may talk till their jaws ache
about the weak spots in a republican
form of government, but the sons of
freedom on this side of the water can
take little children on their knees and
tell them that never in the course of
century has the ship of state been in
trusted TO the guidance of man who
parted his hair in the middle.