The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1877-10-09
NOAH ON a SPREE
Oaih HHli Against tho Flaw-nAgni.
ISiHg corr eapOndent OF the Oinoinua'
a Gazette,

0aih Huli Agninst tho Plaw-nRgni.
iSing corr espOndent OF thc Oinoinua'
Gazette,
Correspondence 10 Cincinnati Enquis
rer: II Is related that after Noah made
voyage which perpetuated the human
race, he very properly got drunk have
no doubt the pilgrim fathers did tho
same. Noah ashore, the ark aground
4 the animals all safe, aud the world ready
10 be freshly stocked how naturally
that the captain rid Of his great respon.
sihility, should take some grog aud 90
to sleep, Behold him, the only living
statesman of his time--Admiral Fara,
cut General Grant, and Abe Lincoln in
one, llisvery age il done, He has ridden
out the deluge with the precious seeds
of q new era all saved, lie never finch.
ed all that time, but stuck to the helm
and sailed Tor two hundred and iifty-one
days--thirty.six weeks, Ii was q cheap
spree TO the human race, once in nine
months and all the contemporaries and
posterity OF Noah said Give the old
man Il chancel" But there was one fel.
low in his party, the germ of the indie
pendent editor by the name Of Ham,
Ham had u son, n sort ofinvestigating
correspondent, 10y the name of Canaan,
Canaan, as the name implies, must have
been a moral scrub, Mr.. Ham peeped
in, eayesdropping'like, to see il there
WASH something going wrong-some
thing to reform the country on, Sure
enough, there was Noah drunk lie had
one boot off and the other boot was on
the mantelpiece, He had his head in
n copy of the Cincinnati Gazette. which
had been started many years previously.
The bottle under his nose was marked
"Old Bumgartner," and had probably
contained printers ink. Noah was not
an elevated sight, but we should never
have known Of it except for Ham,
When Ham saw Noah, his relative
and one of the party" his daddy, in.
deed, lying drunk there, he said I've
got an item. He's drunk as a billed
owl. I'll take out my notebook and
describe him-all his pimples, bunyons,
scars and eXcrescences, and then I'll
relate ii.
There you saw a picture only less
offensive than the duet between the
mother-woman and the garter snake
Noah was the first executive statesman.
His ark and it contents were the type of
the first human state. For doing his
work so well he was decorated with n
rainbow The Lord had blessed him
expressly, and the liquor was a pure
article, because he lived 1865 years after
ward. Lying down with his shirt off
and snoring in bliss, he was still reli~
able officer. But the smallminded
Ham merely saw an occasion for an ex~
posure, an cutlery, and public scandal.
1t is the same picture presented to this
day when statesman is down, pull up
his shirt little more and call in the
world
Ham went out and posted up bull.
letinsboard Extra edition Hon.
Noah found drunk Evidences Of spew
around the apartment Fatal want of
length of shirt.tai Shocking condi-
ton of his socks Probable retirement
from the cabinet p
Two other sons Of Noah read this
bulletin, and remarked to Mr.. Ham
Amt you fine geranium This is all
you will ever be remembered for Ism
it proud act ~ They took the whole
mainsail off the ark and started toward
the inebriated Noah backward, SO that
they could not testify against him, with
the intention of covering the reposing
statesman.
"Stopl" exclaimed Ham. 81 see he
is going to be whitewashed but let me
bring in my little special correspondent
II. V. NJ. Canaan"