River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-03-22
Ahnririnal Prncress.


er day, Mr.. G.. W. Wilson, chairman of
the committee on Indian affairs, made
the following report:
Mr.. SPEAKER: Your committee on
Indian affairs, to whom was referred
all matters relating to the native Amer.
leans, have considered carefully and
prayerfully all matters so referred and
would respectfully submit the follow
ing report:
An impartial and careful examina-
ton into the condition and character
of the Indians, has convinced your
committee that the opinion usually
held by the citizens of the State in re-
gard to the want of adaptability on the
pa,t of the Indians to civilization, is
utterly at variance with the facts of
the case. A visit to the various agen-
cies in the different parts of the State
has been of great service in giving us
a correct idea of'the eminent fitness OF
the so-called savages TO lead aciviliZed
life and follow the peaceful pursuit OF
the farmer. We found The-0ld-man
always-lousy industriously preparing
to raise Cain with The white settlers
next summer, and his young men were
Z
the old bull-doser himself.
Another evidence of the progress OF
the savages is seen in the fact that but
very few of the braves take theil
whisky straight, but call for little
sour in theirs, or prairie-oyster, much
after the fashion of the general Assem-
bly, in Denver. The ladies of the tribe
in consequence of frequent visits to
| the white settlements, have acquired
a fOndness for adjoining their persons
and array themselves in elegant taste
in imitation of their white sisters
We saw several wearing hats made OF
huge mushl ooms, Ornamented with
feathers, beavers tails, and porcupinc
quilts.
The most promising circumstance
| however, which came under the no.
I tice of your committee was a social
matter something after the Plymouth
style, in which 0ld-man-who-gets'
upon his-ear took q prominent part
The lady in the affair is the queenly
and fascinating Turtle-with-fve-toe
The injured party husband of the lady
Sleep-with-one-eye-open, stabbed Old.
man-who gets-up-on-his-ear in the bow.
els with sage.brush, after which a
compromise was entered into by which
Sleep-with. one-eye.open came out one
Kyuse pony ahead, an example of the
simple settlement of the affair which
might profitably be followed by the
whites IN similar cases, thereby saving
much trouble and expensive litigation.
Your committee would suggest that
the whisky faster to be appointed in
Pursuance of the provisions of ii. b.
No. "a, shall also be made special In
dian commissioner for the State, to
have general supervision of the moral
and spiritual welfare of the savages,
and that the bill be so amended as to
make it the duty of the faster to ship
all whisky condemned by him to
different agencies. thereby causing the
savages TO bless the legislature. We
moreover would most earnestly urge
on this house this latter recommends
ton, as it is about the last run of shad
for blessing on this outfit.
Your committee would also recon-
mend that each Indian family be fur
nished with a sausage machine to IA
ciliate the preparation of dogs for
the table. As the women of the tribe
are somewhat lacking in the culinary
art, your committee would further
recommend that the ladies of the tribe
be instructed in the art of ma king
mince pies after the Cheyenne m )del,
for it is the opinion of the committee
backed by eminent medical authority,
that it is barely possible that some
few Indians might even survive after
drinking whisky condemned by aCOlo-
RADIO office holder, but it is certain that
the whisky and pies taken together
would have the effect of producing a
cross-lift on the digestive organs that
no Indian could Withstand, and by this
means the entire race can be gathered
10 their fathers in the happy hunt
ing grounds during the following sum-
mer.
Your committee would also recon.
mend that the members of this house
exert their influence to secure the APP
pointment of the chairman to the Office
of State whisky-taster.
UNG-NIAN-AFRAID.OF -TIIE-SQ CAWS,
Chairman of the Committee on Indian
Affairs.
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