Middletown transcript., 1877-05-26
Anln0r0ns.

up and down in front Of a house, and
when the lad was asked if be lived there,
and why he did not 60 in, he replied
dads waiting for me with whip.
"Going TO dust your jacket, is he y
"That's the programme" sighed the
boy, "unless | can think Of something
to unfasten his mind from the subject.
If could rush in and tell him that a
big FIRE was raging down town, or that
the Mayor was dead, or some such
thing, be would be taken by surprise
and forget all about dressing me
down"
"And you can't think of anything
else 2"
mot thing. l wish The old gent was
in the habit of stealing his wood, get
ting into the House Of Correction. or
doing something that would give me a
hold on him, but he's straigbter than
an Alderman's elbow - Detroit Free
Press.
GOVERNING ENOUGH He made his
wife present of nice diamond ring,
and as they rode along in the street-car
he noticed that the hand upon which
the ring sat was kept bare.
Aren't you afraid your hand will
get cold 2" asked he
"Cold ?" exclaimed she: you don't
know much about a woman if you
think her hand could get cold with
ring on it like that?"
And she adroitly smoothed down her
dress with the jeweled hand in full
view Of every passenger.-Chicago
Euening Journal.
1t was a gentlemanly young man who
remarked, wonderingly, how young
lady could make herself ridiculous by
yielding to the absurd vagaries Of fash
ion. Then the wind caught him by the
new style of shirt collar on which his
hat rested, and he was obliged to clasp
both arms around a telegraph pole in
order to keep from being waited over a
neighboring roof.
"Do you really believe, Mr. Pod
kins, that anybody could make a head
from butter ?" asked the landlady
"WeIl, yes, ma'am, should think
they might" said Podkins, as be push
ed back his individual butter plate
Somebody has got as far as the hair
with this Boston Com. Bulletin.
"Is be good doctor ~ asked one
gentleman of another, speaking of an
acquaintance "Well, people call him
SO, replied the other, "but as far as
my experience goes, if 1 was patriotic
man and there was going to be a long
war, ! should like to have him in
charge Of the enemy's wounded. p
NorlOich Bulletin.
An Ansonia man had tooth pulled |
for so cents, and gave the dentist a
two-dollar bill. The dentist had only |
one dollar in change, so the man sat
down and had a sound tooth pulled,
just to make the change even That's
what we call obliging Bristol (Con.
Gazette.
Two French ladies were conversiug
on the qualities and demerits of their
own fair sex Said one, twinkle in
her beautiful eyes, Il have never known
but two women who were really per-
feet." "Who was the other ?" asked
her companion, with a smile on her
fine, thin lip.
His last words to her in the morn
ing were Wrap up warmly, darling,
if you 60 shopping to-day the weather
is very cold" She said she would. and
before she went out she had all her
bustles weighed and put on the heaviest
one. What will not a woman do for
the man she loves ?
Little girl, looking at old lady's
jewelry-'Please, grannie, give me
those earrings 2 Grannie-'No, dear,
l can't spare them now, but when
die all my rings and money will be
yours Little girl-'Well, grennie,
but how soon will you die 2 London
Fus.
An experienced lady observes that
good way to pick out husband is to
see how patiently the man waits for
dinner when it is behind time Her
husband remarks that a good way to
pick out q wife is to see whether the
woman bas dinner ready in time.
"Sire, one. word" said a soldier one
dag to Frederick the Great, when pre-
senting to him a request for the brevet
Of lieutenant. "If you say two," ans
wered the King, II will have you
hanged" Sign" replied the soldier.
The King stared, whistled and signed
Married ladies will be so good as to
hold the Norwich Bulletin responsible
for the following "Don't you Ninh. !"
she inquired. amiably. ''that nsost men
are possessed of devil y He said h.
they we're, particularly after
they were married.
A Milwaukee man made three un-
unsuccessful attempts to blow his brains
out, and then his wife told him: .Don't
try it again. John; you haven't got
any He goes about now saying that
be owes bis life to that woman.
Scene in an Iowa Court.-Judge-
That point has been decided against
you by every Court in Christendam
sir, and there is no use Of further arg
ument Lawyer-"Yery true, but
Your Honor frequently decides against
ever Court in Chrislendom,
A country girl wrote to her lover -
NOW George, dou't you fale to be at
the singing school tonight" George
wrote back that lin the bright lexicon
Of youth Webster's Unnbridged--there
is no such word as fals."
do you think your father is going
to move out soon ?" inquired the owner
r. r II