Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-09-24

Next to diary the most difficult
thing to keep is lead pencil.
1.-The point is not we'll taken," as the
country schoolmaster observed when he
sat down on pin.
Didn't she return your love 2" "Yes,
she did; she said she didn't want it.
That's what's KILN me"
at was during severe thunder show
er that a maiden of four summers re-
marked: Mother, it yains so hard bod
can't light his fire. He's burned up
most whole box of matches already"
When bride and groom go to church
together, and the sun steals through the
stained glass, making his nose a bright
carmine and hers sickly green, they
fancy the congregation admires them
because they are so lovely.
The most important question for a
young lady to ask when man pops the
question is, "Do you take a paper and
pay for it ?" Always have dish of
hot water handy, in case he says no.
But if he says yes, pin to him-he's
your man by all means.
Not q lodger weak and weary, or
drunkard bleak and beery, not tramp
or vagrant dreary, had a couch upon the
floor, for the station-house was empty,
not mortal there to tempt the long
tailed rats to play at sentry, as they
often played before. Said the turnkey
never more.
A person, in the course Of some re-
marks in prayer meeting, having sever
al times observed that he never should
forget the dying words of his brother,
the pastor suggested that 1T might be
well for him to repeat them; whereupOn
with some hesitation and scratching of
his head. he said that they had slipped
his mind.
A Columbus. (Ga.,) colored person
discussed the dog law thusly: "You see
Use always KEEP dog, not SO much for
de lub OBJ de dog, but case he oversees
de premises. Now whedder it be better
to keep de dog and be shot or turn de
dog loose and not be shot is de painful
question for de owner OBJ dogs to 'scuss.
Now | rudder hab de dog race to become
'stinct than to be shot, an consequently
my dog is dead an there won't be any
more foolishness bout him, an dis mig
ger am saved to die Of more healthy
disease"
In Harrisburg is fascinating woman
who has been married four times within
ten years, and there are at least dozen
men so anxious to get her that they have
remained bachelors in the hope that her
last husband would follow in the foot
steps of his illustrious predecessors.
Sure enough, few weeks ago the man
died, and all these fellows began imme-
diately to prepare for opening the cam
paign against the widow. One man,
named Hyde, determined to have the
first chance; so he jammed himself into
the widows carriage on the way home
from the funeral Taking her hand and
looking with tender glances upon the
handkerchief with which she sopped her
dutiful tears, he asked her to be his-to
let him take the place of the dear de-
parted, and to comfort her in her bereave'
ment. The widow removed lher hand
kerchief, blew her nose gently and said
"Mr. Hyde, | should gladly consider
your offer. and perhaps { might have
accepted it, but you are too late; The
minister proposed to me in the grave
yard while you were lowering the coffin
and ] said, Yes But / tell you what
will do; I'll give you the first chanc,
after he dies l'' Mr.. Hyde said h
would wait.