, 1877-02-11
HuMQR.

!
| The young mans first razor: His father;
boot. - -.
Eternal spring can be found only in rubbe
factory. o~
a masked bal1-Putting up Goldfish and not,
toes rs "dsh-cakes."
/ Patron saint of the New York aauarium--
Saint see seal here.-Bosfon Bulletin. -
Mrs. Partington says that Ike has bon pht
horse so spirituous that he always goes OF IN ,
decanter. = :
A good man is Just rs apt to fall Down On !
slippery place, and crawl around aud muuhla b
himself, as q bad man.-HaGkeye-
"A party who bought picture Of a dead duck
at recent sale, is now anxious to have the se]er
take his canvass back--Boston Bulitla :.
/ 4 Detroit restaurant-keeper hangs out DIN
| Of free chops" and when the old loafefs CONS
around he shows them an axe and a woodpiIc
An exchange speaks OF the tsmiaority DIRK,
ness" References is made probably to The
cetarrh, Us it is disease Of the noes.-NorneA
BuAetiu- -. ~,.: -.
The new Senator from Kansas Is named
| Plumb He ought to undertake cu1culion tasks
| OF Craftsmanship when he goes to Washington.
-Hamkeye. .. :.
| The times are so hard that some OF our best
citizens hare sadly reiinguishcd their plans for
ENJOYING bilious attacks this coming Spring
Home Sentinel.
Josh Billings wants to know who ever heard
rich man sins. Wig should rich man want to
sing. when he can hire some one to do 1t for him
SO much bettera
Nothing is more to be dreaded than hJdsopho-
bia- Remember, then, that it can always be
prevented by rapidly climbing tree when mad
dog is going By.
This blue-giass business is nothing new after
all. We suppose the glasE-blowers blew elaa
long before Gen. Pleasonton was bo1n.-Bsr.
!i!gto" Ramk<ye-
White Loon, the Indian centcnarian, died n
Gently. Mrs. Swisshelm claims that Chemi Wis
sister Of his, and Is trying to get his property
-Neo York Graphic. :.
A negro was put on the stand as witness
and the Judge inquired if he understood tue nj
ture of an oath. IS For certain, Boss" said tho
citizen, If I swear to liz 1 must stickto
lim3s'
CALCULATIONS overheard in a railway-cat1t.
In answer to the greeting Of ~ Happy SeT
Year": Moo year, yah! Wish I'd died LIST
}5a5i iSaria. l'd been much richer m'n"-h'"''*
4 Partisan lady entered shop at Leipsic, md
asked, on being addressed in German, II tter
did not speak French :. We can, madame"
was the reply, "but nc do not-from PATRIOTS
motiyes.n
An Augusta man fell down recently md
bruised himself. His answer to inquiries noT
is: "Weli, I've got 4 plaster where I lost ny
balance, aud I'm feeling tolerablc- -"-dEgsdd
Constitutions F..
Gayroche L." How found of oranges you seem
to be-always eating them" GaVruche u.
{cynic Of 7)-"Nos that I care so much for them,
but the skins are good to make people falldoFa
with. ."-Paris paper. %. = ..." -.
Last week a man out in Sioux City died and
left S346,0 600 to his only sor. The son Is trying
to buy the Trustees OF for half, but they ae
men who know their business, and are resolute"
y holding on for rise.-Bnrtington Hdrktk
The ideas are not necessarily related, but
when you aycrhear n servant girl singing 'sl-
rer Threads Among the Gold" while she Il
mixing the buckwheat batter, it somehow un-
farorably affects your appetite for the Cakes
brooklyn drg"s.
4 country-editor out West became martial
"Two paces in front-advancc," be uncont ~
scious1y exclaimed. "Cash-$2 rear N 10;
He was couTtmartialed and sentenced
to read bis own papers. <-: ~
a gentleman in stage coach asked the dtiEef
what building that was. The drive. replied:
81 t is the Unitarian Church, Unisariaa:r
said the gentleman; and what Is thatt !"
don't know" said Jehu, but believe 1t II
the opposition line." :.
.ss Trip1ets,' said the doctor scnteutiouslf,
The husband OF Il year rushed out On the oaek
lpon the snoI-ciad yard. aud exclaimed with -
Wild, mocking laugh, ssSon-struck in January"
ST. Louis RtpuNiean. ~:
The Havana N. ~ Journal says that MAJ
vas taking aim 1T hawk that was perched On 3.
rec near his chicken-coop, when bis lttue
laughter exclaimed, s'Don't take aim, pai es
20 of oy aeeldentn Why so asSea Is; 2, .1e y,
iaent always hits somebody ..*..-
aies % tbs 1nornng, iii those os ! Voting meh I'D
os roud Iief hsve u"s happenca d o. son1. ~ 4ep
mother, who was patiently waiting his turn %
'intimidate" the editor, "but II the uniot-
,lnate victim hadn't been on bis way to churca
he riding wouldn't have done any HARM" :.
"Nhat is going on in the nextroom, waiterl1,
be other night. "They'rc tnvin' 4 little Eane
here, sir" responded the attendant. and juss
hen somebody in the Apartment referred 70
awled, I" Pass the buck,' ut which the gooo
lan's face cleared, and be said, 'Oh, see;a
enison supper" and the committee business
.ent on.-Dostou Bulletin.
A tramp called at the house Of q notoriouslI
.4H6s AauA5 5EsLeIuay LOT sOHeLulAS ~ ."
he woman gave him bone. He looked at It
be passed. out OF the yard, and returned 70
le house, When the woman came. to the doo1
:: handed her the bone, and said: ~ won't %
de to make any use Of that; { left my tee"
ope in my other coat" And, heaVing sisnt
depazted.-Danoury A<ns. g
There is very fine whistling in the Temple
''urch on Sunday, ea5s the London lfvf!d a 4
gal gentleman, known for his tuneful pipe az
'cr England, 'obligesn regularly, by way o. :
compartment to the choir. The effect IS SAID
) be very sweet and pleasing. 1t would be =
'od thing to give some formal sanction to this !:
aSticc in the next revision OF the Prarer- :
'ok: "Then shall be said, or sung, or wnt-
.d,'' ETC.
It Was genuine 5-ycar-old young politician ::
bukin1:; his sister OF 5; Can't yoa pray belc
: than that, kittiel It's mean Of you just.to
ay for your relations and noboly else NOW
Id up aud let me show you: God bless papa =
mamma and Aunt Fanny and me, too; anu
c Whisky Ring and Sammy Tiiden, and gi1e. =
: whole OF :'em new hearts, so that cTery1:::
ng'n go straight and nobody get mad ,na a ! i. +
thing come to pieces. For Jesus sake' :
-. .