Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-06-13


) SAID faded belle to fresh young
rival: "You are having great trial to-
night. | wonder what your enemies will
say, nowY' ~ was just going to ask
you," was the keen retort.
A WOMAN who has tried the expert
ment says: "When a man finds place
that is pleasanter to him than his own
home, his wife should put two Jumps of
sugar in his coffee, and double the guam
tity of sunshine in the front ROOM"
Poor woman need not feel badly if
she cannot throw brick at hen or
sharpen a pencil There are few tricks
more consumace in skill and dexterity
than the way in which she rescues her
trail from the elements with one hand.
On the sign of a restaurant near one of
the railway stations at Logansport, In
diana, the proprietor announces that he
keeps for sale to the hungry man or
woman, among many other things,
I" Ham Sanweges and Doe Nuts"
A WAITER in a Nevada restaurant
turns out to be Russian nobleman-a
political exile. He has been pardoned,
and returns home, his experience in cary
ing turkey making him invaluable just
now.
"AH," he said, "another circus in
town. [ see the white tent in the dis
tance." He was short-sighted, however,
and it proved to be nothing but a
fashionable young man wearing one of
the present style of coliars.-Nora0ich
Bulletin.
The drowned oyster has had his brief
day at the church festival, and now the
next martyr-a solitary strawberry,
warehOused between two enormous slabs
of dough-goes travelling around under
the hollow, wicked alias of shortcake,
and spreads dyspepsia in its track
Haykeye.
"JAKEY, tell me what is the Crock of
Ages"" 'The cradle, ma'am" and the
teacher had hard work to keep her up
per teeth in by covering her mouth with
her hand. She and Jakey had waltz at
recess, and Jakey tells the boys he's been
riding bony horse without a saddle is
what makes him sit sideways.
A FASHION item says: GA bonnet.
much worn consists of brim and cape
Of faconne straw, with soft crown made
of coarse muslin" And boys straw
hat, much worm consists of ragged
crown, half the brim CONS, and no band
around it.-No1ristown Herald.
THERE was only one cigar left in the
box, and there were two young hopefuls
struggling for it, The first little boy
clutched it, but he said consolingly to
his brother, 'Never mind, Dick, Pll
smoke on it till / get sick, and then you
can finish it," And the heart of the
other little boy was comforted, Puck,
THERE was a balky horse on Main
street, yesterday morning, and the owner,
stranger, left and went off to get cigar.
When he came back he remarked that
the animal reminded him of an orphan
because he got no father. The crowd
rose up as one man and took the stranger
down to the river bank and killed him.
-NorWich Bulletin.
"FELLoW- said a preacher,
elf you were told that by going to the
top of those stairs yonder (pointing to a
rickety pair at one end of the church)
you might secure your eternal salvation,
really believe hardly any of you would
try it. But let any man proclaim that
there were ahundred sovereigns up there
for you, and I'll be bound there would
be such getting up stairs as you never
did see."
A FASHIONABLE exchange remarks
that white lace mits, finished with ruff
fe of Valenciennes lace and tied around
the arm with ight-colored ribbons, are
only worn evenings. People who sup
posed that it was customary to put them
on in the morning just before going out
| 70 al fho nd ho
fled to leran of their error.-Noravich
Bulletin.
"MAMMA," said a little 5-year old,
"what is a widow and what is widow
err" The mother explained to the lit
tie fellow, and by way of further explain
alton, said: eff you should grow up
and get married and your wife should
die, why then you would be widower."
"Oh,no, wouldn't" says the little fell
low, "Pd court another girl" Fact. 1t
occurred in New Bedford
A RUSSIAN printer charges five dollars
to print one hundred visiting cards.
This is about five times as much as the
American printers charge for similar
Job. But then it takes the former ten
times as long to set up a Russian name,
duCt dl tuc CdIu Is tWO lCcG
he is sometimes obliged to run few
syllables of the jawbreakers on the other
side-Noarastoavn Herald.
Cor good joke for you," he said, as
he came into the office and sat down and
took off his hat.
"Yes?" said the editor.
eyes. / laughed over that fit to kill
:, myself, if l do say it. Couldn't help
bringing it in to you. Knew you'd like
. to have it."
, "Yes?' said the editor.
"Yes-fresh, too, don't believe you've
t struck it yet. | suppose you read about
+ the Russian warp
The editors hand crept around to his
! pistol-pockct
) Suppose you know there's been fight
ing about Kars-'
The sample sent to the Coroner for in
= quest was returned with the remark that
8 he scarcely considered the usual formali-
v ties necessary in such q case. Verdict: