Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-10-11
No. ~
WIT AND WISDOM.

cias.
The good are never successful in catching
fish. We have tried it ourselves s.-ftochester
Union.
Song Of the baker: II Knead Thee Every
Hour The first note of the song is dough.
An ill-bred joke.
1t is not impolite to eat corn off the cob,
but it is impolite to watch any one else doing
it.-Phi'adelphio Press.
Admiral Semmes is dead. He was kind
husband, an indulgent parent, and estimable
pirate. Chicago Times.
The great auction sale of widows at Salt
Lake City has been postponed until October
1.-Richmond Enquirer.
An advertisement says, "Consumptlves,
take notice." That is certainly harmless
remedy to take.- Worcester Press.
The coolest thing to wear in hot weather is
a suit of clothes made of Irish freize. 1t
makes an ice suit Whitehall Times.
1t takes all the enjoyment out of game OF
cr0ouet to hear it called an ''amusement
within the reach Of the feeblest intellect"
Sharks won't bit swimmer who keeps bis
LEGS in motion. If YOU can keep kicking
longer than shark can keep waiting, youH
be all right.
A Milwaukee editor says George Ssssd may
have died from strong coffee, but there has
been no mortality from that cause at his
boarding house.
Just few more moons-a few more swiftly
gliding weeks-and you'll be kicking your
self for having found fault with hot weather.
Detroit r'ree Press.
Said an Arkansas coroner's jury: "We
find that deceased came to his death by Jim
Blarkin's bowie knife having incidentally
touched vital part"
Circus companies don't consume any oil
nowadays to light up the canvas, evenings.
The houses are so light that they don't need
any lamps Whitehall Times.
Signs at tavern near the cemetery OF St.
Ouen: "The Mourner's Return! Choice
Wines and Liquors. Private Rooms for
Guests Who Wish to Weep in Private
About two months before election the ward
politician begins to loom up. Appalling mys-
tery-How does he get his living during the
rest of the year ?-Rochester Democrat.
During a thunder storm, two dogs that
howled dismally at night were struck by
lightning. Howling dogs should cut this out
and paste it in their hats. -N07rastoaon Herald.
"Gentlemen, introduce to you my friend,
who isn't as stupid as he appears to be-" In
troduced friend, with vivacity -''That's pre-
cisely the difference between my friend and
myself.
An Irishman on seeing a vessel very heav-
ily laden, and scarcely above the waters
edge. exclaimed, "Upon my sowl, it the river
was but little higher, the ship would go to
the bottom"
When a woman makes up her mind that
hen oha not set, and the hen makes up her
mind that she will, the irresistible meets the
immovable, and every law OF nature is broken
or prevented.
An inquiring man thrust his fingers into a
horses mouth to see how many teeth he had.
The horse closed his mouth to see how many
fingers he had The curiosity of each was
fully satisfied
When you are tired of twi'ling your thumb
sit down and see how fast you can say,
.sShoes and socks shock Susan in an explica-
BILE manner, and inexorab]y she ceaseth
sheathing her shoes"
"Why should the spirit Of mortal be
proud p" has stood pretty well the wear and
tear of a conundrum's experience; but
tougher one is, why should barber eat
onions p Worcester Press.
The Newport (Ky.) Local has seen man
with duster on, and remarks: 'Well, well;
we now want to die. Our sex is disgraced:
Saw q man yesterday walking along ana
grabbing his duster up from behind.
The tide that is sweeping forty millions OF
Americans on towards eternity upbears many
man who has never heard that one OF the
great questions of the hour is "Blmetalllsm
versus mono-metallism. - Worcester Press.
How many members of the American
Scientific Society can tell how many spokes
there are in buggy wheel, or the best time
to clean cellars, or can plug leaking water
pipe. or fix smoking chimney ?-Det'ost
Free Press.
"Do Won understand tierce and carter"
asked Partisan journalist of an applicant
for nosition on the editorial staff. Il do,
answered the latter, ''and am first-class at
breaking out of jail" He was accepted
Andreso's Baz0r.
The king of Sweden has sent to America
for a cabinet organ, but it is understood that
strong efforts will be made to persuade him
tn take an ACCORDION instead. No opportu-
nitv to get one of those denominations out OF
the country should be missed Worcester
Press. 49,.
This is the time when the religious weekly,
which has suspended during the summer
vacation, wakes up and remarks that we al
ought to be thankful for q season OF especial
grace. and that subscribers over six months
in arrears will oblige by remitting checs to
order of editor.-Puck.
When the young lady of the period man
ages to entertain simultaneously the two
rivals for her affections, and sends them away
each in the best of spirits, with the idea that
her preference for him was clearly manltes-
ted. we shall believe that this thing OF social
science has made high degree of progress.
Boston 1rGUeNer.