The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1877-03-22
A BULLDOZED VILLAGE.
OR
THE FAITH OF UNION FLATS.

IEiE FAT OF UNION FLA rs.
"You see,'' said Joe Allkn, as we sat
around the fire in Teeter's cabin, "I've always
struck the wrong side OF the gulch; and if
got indications the formation was sure to be
wrong and the lead soon petered.''
We had come down from days picking
and blasting on Lion Hill badly disgluntled.
The Ida Gilmore Lode, Which one month ago
we thought good for 2 cool million, was now
worth about S. in a flush market; and as for
the Ad Volorem-well Teeter said the last
time he saw any ore the vein was about the
thickness of a knife blade, and pitching into
the hill nearly on level, and as crooked as
worm fence. Some sat and bewailed our
hard luck. Then out spoke Joe:
s'Beliold me am the JONAH"
Three pair OF staring eyes were turned up
OH him, for he was the quietest man Of the
four, and one would have said asteady work.
err like him was just the partner for luck
But he insisted: "Why, the very town /
was born in was wiped out; nothin' LETT of
it but later patch, and that on one end Of
Dutchman's farm
s'Tell us about it" was the universal re-
quest. 1t was something, anything to rid us
of unwelccme thought.
s.Well," said Joe, as he carefully filled
his glass, seeing that the quart Of valley-tan
already looked pretty sick, reckon started
on the worst streak O. luck in the State of
Illinoy, and right in the town of Union Flats.
It was located by a lot from Botetourt, Vir-
ginia; folks that said bin gone done it, and
made their women do the milking; and then
come some caow-pailing Yanks from C'neti-
cult, and Quakers from Pennsylvania, and
natives from Indiana, and SO they named it
Union Flats. Its fiat enough now, but as to
the Union-you'll hear my gentle voice.
''Lemme see there was first Wing and
Democrat-jusI about ar even divide, and
s6ffern liberty pole on both sides; but
when it come to 'lectin constable, reckon
the fightinest man stood in with the boys.
and as for whiskey, wh-e-uw! 1t was sod
corn barefooted. The valley-tan these Nor
mons make amt nowhercs. mind old Mike
Gardener drunk pint of it and went home
and stole one of his own plows and hid in the
woods, and didn't know where it was when
he got sober and had to git drunk agin to
find it.
t'These was only the common fellers. The
good folks was awful religious. The Old
School Baptisses never went nigh the Meth
odis meetin' house, and tothers was iist as
stiff on thar side: but there was sprinkle
O. Quakers to soften things, and little blue
spot o. Presbytarans, but not enough for a
meetin' house, bein' no more'n SIX or seven
hundred people in the whole place: So they
was only two meetin houses, and three OF
four groceries for whisky and such, besides
Chew's store, which was the only place that
sold bourbon--tothers only 'sod-corn' Then
they was Masons and a lot of Batavy New
Workers that was agin the Masons, and some
agin all secret societies; and along in lS4a
come some Millerites, crazier'n looms about
the cend of all things on the 18th of August,
and pretty soon AFTER some Washingronans
and dug in agin Chew and the Others that
sold whisky, so if fellow wasn'n tuck on
one side he was on tother. But the boys
soon busted them up, and no matter VIVA
the prophecies said, the end didn't come
on the 18th, and things was sort o. dull til
these new tangled notions come in and the
Methods they set UP a choir. But they was
nigh half agin it, and that set up. another
meetin' at tother cend o town. and spill
folks all up agin. Then come this nigge
business, for it was only forty miles to tht
Ohio, and the new meetin' folks got rea
cranky little chap from some' eres East to-
preacher, and took the abolition shoot. ant
SO all the others preached OH Onesimus AM
Hagur and 'Cussed be Canaan and thing
got real lively agin.
Next thing Misses Chew she split tn
choir about leadin' in the singin', and wflel
fuss gets into lot o. singin' folks you be