Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-11-05


most men are like a cold, very easily
caught, but very hard to get rid of.
The cornucopia and the Texan steer
are similar, in that one is the horn of
plenty, and the other is plenty of horn.
Somebody says, Every failure is step
to success" This will explain why the
oftener some men fail the richer they
become.
The following Is given as 6reman's
toast: "The ladies-the only incendiaries
who kindle fame which water cannot
extinguish."
"Plenty of milk in your cans this
morning?" the customer asked a milk
man. And the milkman nodded gravely
as he replied: "Chalk-full."
1t is easy to run a Republican paper
in France. For instance, you write an
able article against the administration.
and then you don't write any more for
several weeks.
What is the difference between a
schOOlbOy studying his lesson and
farmer watching his cows a.? One is
stocking his mind and the other is mind
ing his stock.
If you have a good sister. love and
cherish her with all your heart. If you
have none, why then love and cherish
the good sister of some other man with
all your heart.
"They may be spring chickens" she
said as she backed off to view them at a
distant angle, "but do you know that
the eggs they were hatched from were
not a year old to start with?"
An indulgent father urged an indo-
lent son to rise. Remember" said he,
"that the early bird catches the worm. -
What do ! care for worms ?" growled
the boy. "Mother won't let me 60 fishin' "
Fellow trabellers." said a colored
preacher, "ef l had been eatin' dried
apples for a week, and then took to
drinkin' for a mont, couldn't feel more
swelled up dan | am dis mint wild pride
and vanity at seein' such full tendance
har dis evenin'."
A Boston paper tells of young mar
in Jamaica Plain who woke up the Other
night and saw a ghost in his room
Selling his six shooter, he approached
it, and found it was his collar which wal
standing on the floor. He calls it a cas-
Of collar in phantom.
"You must have lived here Ion,
time," said travelling Englishman t.
an Oregon pioneer "Yes, sir, l have
Do you see that mountain? Well. whel
/ came here that mountain was a hol
in the ground The Englishman open
ed his half-shut-eyes.
The late Mr. Trask, who devoted hi
life to crusade against tobacco. is mad
responsible for these two stanzas:
May never lady press bis lips,
His prohered love returning
Who makes furnace Of his mouth
And keeps his chimney burning
Nay each true woman shun his sight,
For fear his fumes might choke her,
And none but those that smoke themselves
Have kisses for a smoker.
AhOiO 10 q SioPC oiDVi III AiOu0 VI
house on Macomb street, and the temp
ing clusters of black grapes make MOI
than one pedestrians mouth water.
boy about ten years old softly opene
the gate yesterday forenoon and passe
in. When he came out, fifteen seconC
later, he was only sixteen inches in az
vance of the family dog. and he SCENE
greatly embarrassed. "Hello, bub. bee
in after grapes ?" asked pedestria
.N-no SIR" stammered the lad; "I
went in to see if they wanted to ado
an orphan but they didn't s-seem to ca
much a-about it. 81 see they ha'
grapes in there" observed the ma
9 "Y-yes, sir; but grapes amt good th
D time of year-they p-pucker the mOu
all up l''-Detroit Free Press.