Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-05-24
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

itarian. Worcester Press.
The Turks are suffering considerably
from acute Roumaniatism.
The slowest letter in the naval alpha
bet seems to be the torpid-o.
Every man with flour on his hands
made money by the recent rise, except
the baker.
strawberry shortcake Is now begin
ming to assume the form of organized
protoplasm. Are you al ready?
The boy who has never sat down on
humble bee, or stepped on q rusty nail,
has not fulfilled his mission.
A young lady says: IF a cart wheel
has nine felloes attached to it, it's a pity
that girl like me can't have one!'
Nothing in this bleak world is easier
to start and harder to stand than boil or
daily paper BurIsngtOn Baack-Ege.
-"My son, remember that your char
acter ought to shine brighter than your
boots.' Suppose blacken it, then,
father?''
There is place in Connecticut known
as " Patohoque." The name was sneezed
up by the first inhabitant during a spring
influenza.
One Washington newspaper advises
another to get a Bullock press, so as to run
off its edition in q minute and half and
save time.
Any boy can have just as much fun
around bonfire made of an old straw bed
as any man can have in seeing a hotel
burn down.
The dandelion isn't much of flower,
but it has its mission 1t comes lust at
the time everybody is signing to see some
thing yaller.
The only drawback to fortune -tellers
getting rich in quick time is the fact that
only one fool Outof twenty has any money.
Detroit Free Press.
Thus far the terrific fighting between
the Turks and the Russians has been at
tended with very light Karsualties.
Burlington UaWk-Eys.
-" Our children will have immense tax
on their hands," said gentleman. ooh,
horrible!" exclaimed an elderly lady.
What blessingwe have nails on ours -
-" Crows, like cats, seem to have
grim sense of humor. Wallace on De.
Uelopment. Everybody had noticed it; :;
crows and cats are inclined to carriOn-.N.
7. Graph5c.
-" john" asked doctor of the apoth-
ecary's boy, did Mrs. Green get the med.
icine | ordered ?' 81 guess So" replied
john @ for saw Grape on the door-knob
this morning"
--Editing paper is like carrying an
umbrella on windy day. Everybody
thinks he could manage it better than the
one who has hold of the handle.-Neu
York Independent.
brains may be better than riches, but
4
pay ones fare on the street car. It's bet
ter than having brains and going afoot.-
Detroit Free Press.
"A downtown man who went to church
last Sunday, remarked afterward that he
preferred the organ to the preacher. He
said there seemed to be stop TO the organ.
-NO'aojch Bulletin.
-" Well, if this isn't mean!'' said an
indignant pickpocket Here's this fel-
Ter a-goin' about with this 'ere yaller
chain, and when pulls it out there ain t
no watch on the end Of it."
An insurance agent was subject to
spectrum analysis, the other day, and the
brass lines so completely filled the spec
trum from end to end and overlaid the
others, that the finer elements of his COM
position could not be at all detected, save
lllC SuSSCSGlOu OI d UiGulOuu lIOu1
the shirt bosom section.
"A married lady, alluding in CONVEX
sation to the 149th Psalm. observed that
| while ''young men and maidens, old men
and children were expressly mentioned,
not word was said about tmarried women
An old clergyman whom she was address,
ing assured her they had not been omitted,
and that she would find them included in
one of the preceding verses, under the de-
scription Of vapors and storms.
There is an evil fashion of speech
and theory, that mans love for woman
lasts better, is stronger, if he never be
wholly assured of hers for him. This is
base and shallow theory Nothing un-
der Heaven can so touch, so hold, so make
eternally sure, the tenderness, the loyalty,
the passion of manly man as the con-
sciousness in every bone, in every act of
life, that the woman he has chosen for his
wife lives for him, and in him, utterly
and absorbingly.-iSGrs Holm.
The Bank of Lansingburg, which
went into the hands Of receiver the other
day, was one Of the Oldest banks outside
| of the City of New York. The Bank of
Albany, which was wound up some years
| ago, was another very ancient institution.
| 1t was managed by the old Knickerbock-
ers of that ancient town, and was managed
with great care, as we may learn from the
records, BY solemn vote of its Directors
it decided not to allow drover to ex-
| change silver for its bills, to take to Cana
| da. The ground of the refusal was g that
in going SO far into benighted region,
| the bills might be lost and would never
come back."-N. 7. Commercial .AdUey-
! tsSer.
Dom Pedro is an interchangeable and
restless tourist, but there comes a time
when Nature will have her rights, and she
doesn't always take them conveniently to
the Emperor. Lately, after srending his
day in energetically exploring certain
Italian city, he was obliged 10 attend in
the evening some scientific conference.
| Seated in comfortable chair, he appeared
to listen with extraordinary attention to
the orator of the occasion, and that gentle
man, very much fiattered, judged it wise
| to embroider his discourse with an exces-
sively pompous and dffuse eulogy of His
Imperial auditor. The rest of the audi
ence thought it only polite to applaud his
remarks, and Immediately made a
great noise Dom Pedro, waking sudden
| Iy out of long and sound nap, imagined
| that this applause was addressed to the
scientific opinions of the lecturer, and in
stantly began to clap his hands with a
| convinced and instructed air. Tablcau!-
| N. Y. Tribune.
| The New York Trade in Flowering
Il