Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-05-04
" WHEREAS AN ALL WISE PRO.
VIDENCE, &c."

WAGhEAN AN ALL- WISE PRO-
WDENCE, &C."
IT there is one temptation that besets the
private in the social line, more than an
other, it is the desire we all have to appear
as officers. If it is public meeting, we
like to- see our name as chairman, or at
least secretary; if it is military organiza-
ton, the heavens look black to us if we are
not at least corporal; if it is ball. a
place in the printed list of managers is a
boon, and even in the hallowed precincts
of the church we would prefer to ascend to
heaven bearing the chevron of deacon,
than clad in the mere white robe of a mem
Der. With this anxiety for position, there
fore, it is not surprising that all humanity is
on the watch for prominence. One result Of
this constant watchfulness IS that the pro-
prietors Of the public newspapers are kept
as constantly watchful over humanity.
But there are some points in the press for
tifcations which it is impossible to prevent
the enemy from breaking through, and one
is the mortuary notices that come in,
signed by the president and secretary, and
prepared by the committee, with whom the
deceased gentleman was associated.
If lawyer-and these fellows are in
vincible-dies, the journalists money dis
solves into air. A Injecting of the
barr is called on the spot, and
it is resolved that "Whereas an all
wise providence has taken the late
JOHN BROWN, Notwithstanding the
same Providence has taken a large
number of equally worthy and equally I'M
willing citizens;) and, whereas, there is no
known legal remedy for such taking and
carrying away, therefore, be it resolved
that the nearest newspaper be bilked to the
amount of costs of publishing half column
of resolutions about the late JOHN
BROWN, and that the said newspaper be
and is hereby instruc ted to look to an all
wise Providence for its pay. And then
''the meeting Of the bar" fades out of
sight, and the editor puts on his spectacles
10 hunt up the all-wise Providence, who is
supposed to have assumed the debt.
Next to the lawyers come the secret
societies. Nothing pleases your true
member of the United Order of
Royal Sons of Thunder more than
the task of getting up the mortu-
airy resolutions, lacking his name to
the bottom and having it printed lat
somebody elses expense,) that he is ''here-
by appointed a committee to tender to tn 6
bereaved widow and family of the deceased
the coincidence of the Royal Sons cf Thun-
der and assure her til at from his life there
is no reasonable doubt that the departed
which there is 40 particular occasion to
grieve.' II have here, ''says one of these art
full Sons, with his countenance hung ii
mourning, "a little thing that know yor
will be glad to publish about our lamented
friend JOHN DOE,' and then he goes on to
read you from the opening, where Provi-
depce is alleged to be the depredattr T, down
to the signature which is the name of this
artful one land then with the remark, (which
all of the editorial fraternity who read Ibis
will recognize as an old friend), that there
may be some some errors in it as he
'.just tossed it off hurriedIy," and
he would like to have you to look
over it, the friend of the late JOHN
Doe disappears, leaving the newspa
per man the bag to hold as is usual
in such cases.
Another division of the lrreslstibles is The
clergy, who come along with the lengthy
obituaries signed with their initials, pref
ty much on the principal that the custom
house officer signs a clearance for depar
ted ship to show that she left all right.
You can't get away from them, you can L
joke them out Of it, for with clergyman
as with an undertaken, or a doctor. you
don't feel like joking. Their obituaries
are too much matter of business with
them to be jol1ed about. And besides, you
don't know when you may not fall into their
hands. You are not a lawyer, nor are you
Royal Son of Thunder, but you are sin
ner and of such is the province of the
clergy. 1t may be your last appearance
that he may be at next, and the thing CONF S
too close home for joke. And SO the
writer after telling you that the deceased
had "a large circle CT friends who will read
your paper with interest," walks piously
away leaving the editor to reflect upon the
mysterious ways of that ''all wise Provi-
dence" which has fixed it so that he can
get his money out of any person whatever.
There is no remedy for all this sort OF
thing that we know of. 1t extends to all
classes of society, this determination to
get their names in print and we don't sup
pose its any use to put up few hundred
editors against the world, but it is our firm,
conviction that Providence will not much
longer countenance this oppression.
SUIcIDE.-John H. Baldwin, a well
known insurance adjuster of Baltimore,
committed suicide Wednesday morning by
shooting himself through the head. No