The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-12-01
VARIETIES.


ness is a stand still.
Now is the time to rent cottage by
the sea at a reasonable price.
"A railroad pass that directors don't
fancy-Passing dividend.
A man is thought to be successful
when he succeeds himself in office.
"A Berks County pa dealer adver-
tises "medicated boots" A remedy for
sickly soles, no doubt.
Zone girl kissing another" says the
Danbury Neaos, is good deal like eat
ing maple strip on ice cream"
-" Gracious mep exclaimed lady in
a witness box, How should l know
anything don't know anything abeut?"
I'm Nevada you can get divorce for
five dollars, and prosecuted man asks
himself: "Why build the fires any long
err"
Woman always was siren. Even
the five foolish virgins of Scripture,
whose lamps went out, did their best to
= beg 'ilSg b = - ~ -&E<.Asaf
Brown says he has been so often de.
ceived in the chicken he gets at his
clearinghouse that he now calls it the
mocking-bird.
Coming in the course of his canvass
to tailor's shop, waggish candidate
said "What we look for here are meas
ures, not men,"
Two railroads in Western North
Carolina are being constructed mainly
with convict labor. They use steal rails,
too, we suppose.
90 What's HONOR" asks Falstaff.
That's easy. Any woman who sits be-
hind another woman in church can tell
what's on her in two minutes.
"A man in Harrisburg has been mar
ried eleven years and has eleven children.
He is so used to it now that he speaks of
"the grand annual bawl" of the family.
-Enamored writing master to young
pupil: IL can teach you nothin'; your
hand is already very desirable one, and
your rs are the most beautiful l ever
sawp'
The old maxim: "Be chaste and
you'll be happy" is contradicted point
blank by Black Hills man, who was
chased ten miles recently by party of
redskins.
"A Kansas young man was not salts
fed with his youthful wife's cooking, and
returned her to her parents. This is an
alarming precedent to gain sway in
America
English is the court language of Ger
many 1t is proud moment when a
Briton or American, visiting the palace,
is saluted with Dot was pooty sphlen-
tit morning, amt it,"
"A cheerful exchange announces " the
cemetery has been a popular resort dur
ing the fine weather" Down this way
it is the resort of those who have no other
place to go. A grave joke.
An exchange says: "a young lady
flannel this season, having heard that
flannel is good chest protector"
Women have been known to remove
their jewelry under the excitement of a
camp-meeting sermon on charity and
humbleness, but no one ever saw them
throw away real hair switch
The time for protracted meetings to
break out is indicated very distinctly by
the judicious manner in which yellow
legged chickens seek elevated positions
on which to spend the evening.
-" Whoisyour warmest friend?" asked
the teacher. "My mother" yelled one
of the boys. "Your mother?" Eyes,
she warns me every dayr The teacher
has given up her missionary work.
"A Berlin, VT, horse fell twenty nine
feet from bank to pile of logs, turned
two somersaults and rolled seventy feet
more down steep incline of loose
stones, but got up and began to Craze.
The model Thanksgiving proclama-
ton this year is that of the Governor of
Rhode Island:
| appoint the Goth of November. Let us
give thanks. PILLsRURY, Governor.
That boy that took down a hornets
nest and undertook to carry it home,
thinking he had bag of treasures. lost
the bag on his way, but succeeded in get
ting the hornets to accompany him to his
destination.
"A Nevada mans Chinese laborer re-
Gently refused to chop wood on Sunday
morning, and when the reason was asked
he answered: Heap no work Sunday;
alice same white man. Heap play
poker" Our benighted Chinese.
-"Those of our compatriots whom
one encounters outside their own coun-
try are divided into three classes: Com
mercial drummers, missionaries and con-
victs. The Frenchman travels only be.
cause of trade, religion Or force"
"A gentleman from the country in
vited young man from the city to go
out on his farm and shoot birds on the
halves. The young man accepted, went
out, shot what birds he wanted and left
the farmers half for him to shoot when
ever he feels so disposed.
One of the Norwich steamers had
struck, and, while the passengers were
making preparations for their safety, a
fat old Dutchman seized life preserver,
and, trying it on, began to fill it, blow
ing until he was red in the face with his
efforts "Halloo," cried by-stander,
"you can't fill that thing; there's big
hole in it." A blank look came over the |
Dutchman's face. Mein Colt, is dat
SO; den better keeps my wind in me-"