The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1877-01-03
FRESH FLASHES OF FEN.

style OF marriage and death notlceS Oh
the future.
The season for going to candy-palis
and getting into fight over freekle-
faced girl with blue bow on has struck
this country.
'He's filling his last cavity" mourn
fully said Young dentist, as they Law
cred the cofliu Of his deceased partner
into the grave.
1t would be interesting to know j0ss
what thoughts rush through the mind Ot
man who sits down on coil Of het
steam-pipes to rest.
Five hundred and seventy Baltimore
craft pursue the unresisling oysters
whose dumb appeals for mercy are
answered by stab in the back.
Waiter-"Well, sab, what will yOa
have, dollar dinner OF two-lo'la
dnnerW Gourmand.-"What is the
diference?" WaiteG--"One dOllaTs
sah."
The Breckinridge (Ky.) News is not n
belligerent. 1t says: NJ, thank y0us
don't want the musket and hard tack
Pass the buckwheat cakes and honey,
please.
Church fairs are good things. They
teach man how to preserve look ~
deep humility while paying out - Of his
hard-1arned money Tor ten-cent piR-
cushion.
The only Detroit man who rose up in
November and predicted tnat we should
have very mud winter, now has 10
pull his buots off in the street Car 70
scra .ch his chilblains. .5s
Z new patent "inhaler' for the cure
Of catarrh has just ruined itself and LOST
a Il nG
America, because the cut advertising it
represents it being tested by man with
Burnside VIII sker5 and hair parted iH
the middle.
Scene in a debating society: PreBi
dent-We will take the ayes and noes
on the previous question. Memb4r--a
word or two, Mr.. President: Friends,
Il Jmans, caunLrymeuI lend me yOar
ears. PresidenG-Order, sirl We will
take the eyes and nose first. ..
A promising youth OF only seven sum-
mers, who had been accused OF not
always telling the truth, cross examined
his father. Father, did you used to lie
| when you were boyw "No, my son."
| said the paternal, who evidently did nss
| recall the past with any distinctness.
Nor mother, either?" persisted The
young lawyer. "Nol but why" HOh,
1
| never told a lie could have a boy thaS
| tells as many as l DO"
| 1t is terrible to get up these mornings
at O'Clock, with the mercury trying 10
get out OF the bottom OF the thermOme-
ter, to find every fire in the house gOae
dead out, the key OF the WoOd-house
down at a charity ball in the hired girls
| pocket, and the hatchet borrowed t6R
evening previous by boy in the next
street to make a sled and not returned.
| 1t makes man want to sell his stoves
and move down into Louisiana aud en-
dure bull-dozng the rest OF his life.i
A gentleman with an invalid wife
went to one of the prominent LonaOn
hotels. he ordered breakfast in his sif-
ting-room, and then asked for small
waiter that breakfast might be carried
to his wife in her bedroom. The SER
want was absent some time, but ut
length returned saying, "Fhere are no
small walters in the house, sir; bns
they've sent up chambermaidV Great
relief was experienced when 1t was uD-
derstood what The waiter wanted was in
| the form of tea tray.
Among the crowd watching the seals
at q geological garden were newly
married couple on bridal tour. They
gave all the rest of the animals the gR-Jy
| to observe the sleek denizens of tR8
stone basin, and it WAS tull hour be-
| fore they grew weary. Chilled by the
raw air and impatient over waiting, the
| husband said: "Uome, darling, let's gO'n
see the hyenas. The feller who said
them seals would fly round and sing ut
o'clock either lied to US, or else this
'ere watch has gone ahead OF me agsjn."
| A conceited barrister in Dublin, who
| supposed that whatever happened to
| him exceeded anything that could hap
pen to anybody else, was once told by a
l'had the influenza very bad. "Badp ex-
claimed the other. 81 don't know how
bad he had it, but Pm sure Pye had 1t
quite as bad as ne, OF anyone else."
| "Not quite, 1 think" replied his friend.
.'for poor Mr.. Glly ycuddy is dead"
"WeIl," rejolned the barris er, sand
what OF that2 could have died, too, u
had liked it,"
| The other night Baltimore maa was
aroused from his sleep by some unusual
noise, anu missing his wife from his
side, he suspected something was up,
and going to the front window saw her
come out of the door and elope with
a man whom he well knew. The phiS-
sophical husband watched them out OF
sight, and then chuckled and went back
| TO bed, saying thai was the third time
she had given herself away. Aud he
hoped she would make it stick this time,
poor Jaue, or she'd be getting discoaE-
aged.
A wel!-known traged1an of the old
school was recently "starrlng" in an
English provincial town, when the.e aF-
rived in it, also on STARRING" tours, Mr.
Henry Irving and Meyers Circus. "A
friend of the old-9cnOol tragcdiau's
meeting him in the street, asked him
how he was doing. "Bad, bad as bad
can be- croaked the tragediau; ''not
quarter housesp The sympathiziDg
friend condoled with him, aud finally
wound up by saying, 'tBut then y0li
must remember Mr.. irving is very
popular actor" "llr. Irvingr ex-
claimed the tragic one. "HaRg Ar. lrg-
ingl III star against Nj. irving any
| where; but I'd like to know VINO The
deuce IS to star against twelve inferaal
performing eiephants?'
Sayings of Josh Billings: Tue most
kritlkel people to suit are those VINO
board at the alms-houses.-P may
H. aa-l 4.