The Morning herald., 1877-08-27
SUNBEAMS.
A strong man-A shop-lifter.

\ man in a neighhoring town has named
hog Maud, because it comes into the gar
den so much.
The biggest fool in the world is dead.
Told his mother-in-law she lied. Did it
with her little skillet.
1t is said that cocoa will cure bashfuness.
A good, square case of cholera morbus has
been known to weaken it somewhat.
"John, You said Sally kissed you
did sou kiss her back ?" "No--I kissed
her face"
Don't kick nan when he is down. 1t is
much safer 70 "ult till you are sure that he
| is dead.
The Postmaster of Deliber Texas was
Allled, the other day, by being run over
by a garbage cart. Lie didn't know it was
| loaded.
Good manners always assert themselves.
The man who is particular to lick the egg
of his knife, before sticking it in the
butter; cannot deny lis good breeding
A Buffalo BELLE just from vassar College,
when told by waiter in a restaurant that
they had no gooseberries, exclaimed:
what has happened to the goose?"
A book agent, the other day, talked half
an hour to induce lady to buy book.
She hand him a slip of paper on which was
written:
lime defe and dunn"
A farmer was asked why he did, not
take the newspaper. "Because," said he
my father, when he died left me a good
many newspapers and I have not read them
through yet"
Some months ago tiny little paragraph
came out Like this: "Brain workers should
not use alcohol" And just that one little
paragraph has caused over one thousand
editors to quit brain working = Camden
Post.
We are told that, "when bid, the Berlin
Gorilla will wipe its nose as daintily as a
child Of four or fve" And we all know
how daintilya child of four Or five wipes it's
nose-on its sleeves; and how, pretty often,
it doesn't wipe its nose at all.-Nowistown
Herald
+,~sss.s =
"Sister areyou happy?"
Yes, Deacon, feel as though I was in
Belzebub's BOSOM"
"Not Belzebub's!"
"Well some of the patriarchs, don't
care which"
Angelina (who has been perusing the
"Births, Deaths and Mal1iagesO: ed
win, l do SO object to that horrid word
'relict.' If should die, Edwin, promise,
oh, promise, you will not allow me to be
described as your relct!"
"Whaur's yer awksent, mun?" bawled
a brawny Scot to cockney who was MUIR
dering the Scotch dialect in some public
readings. The readers wit was better than
his elocution, for he Immediately rejoined,
"Why, you've got it," and the audience
rOared. |
The Russian army is very scantily supplied |
with bands, the men marching to the music |
of their own songs. We should think that |
when man had been compelled to listen to
a Russian song, he would want to fight
if he had to walk one hundred
miles to find the man.-HaDheye.
A man much addicted to drinking being |
i'll with a fever, a consultation
was held i'll his bed-chamber by three ply
sicians how to ''cure the fever and abate
The thirst" "Gentlemen," " said he, 81 will
take half the trouble off your hands. You
cure the fever, and I'll abate the thirst
myself"
Mr.. Wheeler says that he has stopped
thinking in measure. We are very glad to
lear it as measures are bad things to drink
,ut Of He must take hs'n in coffee
trainer now, for we have proof that he
hunted all through q Websters Unabridged
lie other night to find out where he lived.
N y DiSpatch
Child 'Who paid the expenses of the
Prince of Wales journey ?" Rich Colonist
English Gov'nment my dear pet" Child:
'Why?" r. c.: Because he is a prince"
Jhild: "Oh! Then are you prince, too,
Or pa says English Gov'nment paid your
ourney to Botny Bay when you came
..t ,"
Tie man who has been begging paper
f us each week for the past three months
pou the positive promise that he would sub
.rra as soon as he got some money,
ought bull pup yesterday for So, cash in
lvance. 1t looks as though we'd lost q
lbscriber, for he won't be able to make
lcl raise soon, unless his wife gets able
do five family washings in a week, in
cad of three, as is her custom now
rookviHe JeDerS0nian.
James Albery, the dramatist, was one
~ descending in great hurry the steps
onting the Savage Club, when a stranger,