Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-11-08
Helena, Montana, Thursday, November 8, 1877.
HUMOR OF TIRE HOUR.

Z
We claim to be the author of ''That Boy
of mine. - Whitehall Times.
When Stanley was at Ujijiji, the eyes of
the place were upon him muchly.-Iu'mer
Fats Reporter.
Although a girl may he as proud as Lucl-
fer, it doesn't always follow that she makes
a good match.--N. I. WheeAly
Notice is given that in all suits against the
Brooklyn Bridge Company it will claim to
be tried by its piers.-N. Y. Republic.
Vassar College consumes 5000 pounds of
beef week.-Boston Globe. And yet the girls
do not complain of too much kine-nesS-
observation-disclosures sir, if you'll look
little less as though you had a bill to meet, a
little more as though yod been left a legacy,
you'll get picture. ."-Tattle.
Lieutenant Pepper. of the English army,
has been insulting lady at Singapore. Pep
per should be mustered out of the army Tor
his 'sault.-St. Louis Journal.
If the stone man of Colorado gets much
more notoriety the Democratic party will have
him up for President directly Then he is
ruined forever. Democrat.
Just take notice that the cooler the nights
the oftener a mans wife hears burglars seek
ing to get in, and the oftener he must leave
his bed to search for them.-Free Press-
Ncolini and Capoul, the distinguished Ten
ors, are both sons of tavern-keepers. This is
supposed to be the reason why their liquid
notes are so full of spirit. Brooklyn Umaon-
Argus.
Kelley, of Philadelphia, is cruel wretch
and wife beater The other day Mrs. Kecley
went into the private office and saw two WIS.,
itors and Keeleys motor. He should be- ar
ested.-Hauheye.
1t is easy to run Republican paper in
France. For instance, you write, an able
article against the Administration, and then
you don't write any more for several weeks.
-Miz1oaukee Sentinel.
A Southern bookkeeper, visiting the North
on his vacation, walked to the top of Bunker
Hill monument. He said it was the hardest
column to foot up he had seen since he LETT
home-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Boucicault says that the Shakespeare of
these days is editing newspaper. He has
made kind illusions to US before, but we ap-
preciate the compliment none the less highly
on that account.-Ken!ucky Neao Eru.
The Virginia Gazette, discussing the politi-
cal situation, cries, ''Set aside the small men
and self-appointed leaders. Give us giant"
Gentlemen, some of you hold our coat.
Now. then, what do you want done first p
Burlington Haackeye.
G. A. Dana's income as editor and stock
holder of the San is said to be over $5O, 900,
but he earns every cent OF it.-hc. You're
right he does. If the champion liar of a
glorious country like this amt worth that,
what is he worth ?-Camale1 Post
forin
from sickness in the Phi1ade5-
pAia Press. We've had pains in our head,
pains in our stomach, and pains everywhere
else save in our Dobrudscha. Thank heaven
we're all right there yet When a mans Do
brudscha gives out he'd better measure his
length on the ground and send for an under
taker. He's gone sure.-NeaoarE Courier.
A west side clergyman was called out the
other night to minister by the dying bed OF .
prominent citizen. 'Was he connected with
a savings bank? asked the divine. ''He was
trustee" replied the messenger. swell,
there's no use in my going," said the pastor:
''still, the mercy of Heaven is infinite, and
there's no saying-so had better 60 through
the motions, perhaps. Chicago Tribune.
''And so they have elected you Speaker of
the House," remarked Mrs. Randall to her
husband the other evening, as the two walked
down the steps of the Capitol. Eyes, DEAR
''Well, they can elect you Speaker OF the
House all they want to" continued Mrs. X,
sharply: ''but of course you will understand,
Samuel, that I continue to be boss of the
house." The Speaker said the clerk would
proceed to call the ayes and noes, but Mrs.
Randall said it would be taken by consent.
She was ironing when her sister came in
with the news that an uncle was dead.
''Dead!' she gasped, nearly dropping the
iron from her hand. Her face was very pale,
as was that of her sister, as they both stood
there with that awe-struck expression which
death leaves upon the faces of the living.
'Dead!" she repeated, in a faltering voice.
cit doesn't seem possible. 1t is SO sudden,
so unexpected, so dreadful that can scarcely
realize it. What are you going to wear ?"-
Donbury Nesos.
At ten o'clock yesterday forenoon man
who looked as if he would dare to do right IT
he had half chance, entered an oyster store
on Michigan avenue and courteously inquired:
''Do you have oysters here on the one-halt
shell?'' ''Yes, sir, we do,' was the answer.
(Which half of the shell is the oyster on p
was the next inquiry. The oyster man re-
garded the stranger keenly, and after min
ute replied that they were on the left half of
the shell. "Ah-um-too bad, muttered the
man. II wanted them on the right half.
Good day, sir. I can't go left-handed oysters
nohow. ."--Detroit Free Press.
He was up to see his girl on Sunday night.
He is nice young man, careful in his ways,
and with his best eye wide open to the main
chance. In the course of the conversation he
observed cheerfully, ''Times are looking bet
ter, Amelia. was reading in the paper last
night that stocks are firmer, and the crops
were never more abundant l shouldn't be
eurnriaed If the old rrosneritY came hack to