The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1877-12-27
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PERSONS AND THINGS.

The wife ofa tragedian has applied for
a divorce. She says her husband acts 30
she can't live with him.
A Sabbath school scholar was asked
what Adam lost when he fell and replied,
u suppose it was his balance"
That's what call amonkey wrench,
The witty Snowman said,
When the big gorilla grabbed his hair
And twisted back his head
If you want to take the gimp out of a
stuck.up' man, mistake him for the street
car conductor by offering him your fare
as he comes alone.
A Nantucketer has raised wheat from
seed found in the hand of an Egyptian
mummy. He is now experimenting with
corns taken from the mummy's feet
Puck.
Which is the oldest fellow, the one
who asks question or the one who ans
wers2-The one who asks, because he is
the querist.
Asparagus is like some sermons. It is
the end of it that people enjoy most.
SHoPPY.-Little SofFtgoodz beg par.
don miss; you're down in my invoice for
the next dance"
GERMAN.-What can be thought of the
man who translates icb dien as ppm dy-
in'2" 1t means 81 serve;" not,as chemist
suggests, "Eye.salve,"
An English lady fell into brook and
came out dripping wet, asking "What
am to do?" "Oh," said her gentleman
friend, "Ishall have to squeeze you"
A mother seeing her little four-year old
nearly asleep in her chair, asked if she
had not better 60 to bed. "Oh, no, mann
ma; only shut my eyes to keep the dust
out
A reporter on a Chicago newspaper
was dismissed last week orspeaking ofa
Chicago busidess house as "the largest in
the West" instead of "the largest in the
world"
True silence is the rest of the mind,
and is to the spirit what sleep is to the
body, nourishment and Iefreshment. 1t
is great virtue; it covers folly keeps SO.
crets, avoids disputes, and prevents sin.
-HilhGm Penn.
We imperatively require perception
of and a homage to beauty in our COM
panions. Other virtues are in requeft in
the field and work-pard, but a certain de-
gree of taste is not to be shared in those
we sit with.-Ener8On.
The cold world little realizes the sense
of desolation that shuts down on man
who thinks he has been handed too much
change by his grocer when he lodges
around the corner and finds it right to
cent.-BrjdgpOr Stadard.
II was born in Bath" said dirty
looking customer as he harrangued a
crowd at political meeting. "You don't
look as if you'd ever been there SINCE"
said one of his hearers, as he proceeded
to laud an opposition candidate.
oHIos NEXT SENATOR
fcold December gives you birth,
| The month of snow and ice and mirth,
Place on your hand tOrquoise blue,
| Success will bless whate're you do.
A teacher with class of youngsters at
their lessons came on to the word "ances-
tors" ELe asked for the meaning of it,
and was answered by promising scholar,
"The people who live in AnCestorshire,
sir"
A contemporary tells young ladies now
to arrange their hair in a fashionable
style. "Let it all down." it says, "and
comb it out with crosscut.saw. Then go
up on the roof of the house, and there
stand still while the wind plays (what-
ever is appropriately with it. Then catch
up the back with bow of ribbon, and
allow the front to stay as it is"
A bailie of the Scottish capital recent
ly went down to London, and came back
much impressed with the courtesy ofthe
officials. Narrating how an M. P. had
secured for him free access to many pub
lie institutions, he reached the climax of
eulogy by exClaiming "Why, sir, he got
me blank cartridge for every place in
London" 1t is supposed that the magis-
trate meant carte blanche.
A girl in Vassar College claims that
Phtholognyrrh should be pronounced
Turner, and gives this little table to ex-
plain her theory:
First, Phth (as in phthisis) is.....". T
Second, olo las in ColoneD is........UR
Third, gn, las in gnat) is.,....... is. N
Fourth, yrrh las in myrrh) is. Err
They talk of attaching the telephone
to the Atlantic cables, and then we sup
pose the conundrum of "What are the
wild waves saying?" will be fully answer
ed
Mrs. Vennor presented the weather
prophet with a little daughter last week.
He will now be in position to predict
squalls with remarkable degree of GER
tainty.
Mr.. Spurgeon gets off good thing oc-
Casionally. The other day he said there
are number of religious people who,
like vagrants seemed inclined to try and
get to heaven by by-road so as to escape
paying the turnpikes, attending some-
times one place and sometimes another,
never doing much, and never being ask
ed for much.
The difference in time between New
York and London is a curious feature in
ocean telegraphy. The London banker
is in the full swell of traffic at time
when the New York agent is first think,
ing Of getting up" At noon the London
markets are Cabled to this city, where they
arrive at 7 o'clock in the morning of the
same day. The London agent of the New
York press telegraphs the most important
news issued in the London Times at 6
o'clock in the morning. 1t reaches here
at l o'clock the same morning, just in
time to be in the New York journals,
whose readers have the same matter that
the Londoner digests with his breakfast.
This is doing little better than even
taking time by the forelock. ."-Ne1O York
Mail
Father Raveille, Catholic priest at
Washington, who passed some time
among the Sioux, thinks that there are
only two simple rules to be observed in
any successful attempt to settle the In
dian question: To find out the saw
ages tastes and to lead them nm to ciVili-