Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-08-17
F. U N :!

TIE BLIGHT OF PEANUTs.-The Brook !
Vile JefersoniaY. was an eyewitness TO the
scene described below: "Will you love me
this way when Pm old ?" she asked, as he
emptied handful of peanuts in her lap.
IT will, darling, swear it," he passion
ately protested, as he carefully laid aside i,
his cigar and commenced gu what was LETT
of the nickels worth. That was when the
flowers We're budding and the birds were
mating one brief year ago. Last night
they sat again in the cleaning, and who
knows but what their memories reverted
to the past? And yet, when she asked
for fifty cent parasol, he remarked that
woman whose face was as yellow as aduck's
foot, and looked as though it had been cul-
tiyated crosswise with a patent harrow,
needn't be SO particular about her complex
ion. The peanuts had done their work.
There had been wedding ere the budding
blossoms doomed.
There were two of them hanging overthe
front gate the other night. She was stand
ing within the yard and he ON the side walk
outside both leaning on the top rail las happy
as two pigs in a cornfeld. He was say
ing, "NoW, my little darling, sweet idyl of
my soul, whose image ia ever on my heart"
when he saw the old man coming down
the front walk, and continued in a differ
ent str ain: f" The potato bugs haven't de-
stroyed our crops SO much since we pur-
chased Paris green, and you will find also
that cabbages can be raised better on rich
er SOIL" The old gentleman heard it, and
turned back, saying as he entered the house,
'sThese young people take more interest in
agricultural affairs than people generally
suppose"
Wise men say nothing in dangerous
times. The lion called the sheep to ask her
if his breath smelt; she said, "Ay," and
he bit off her head for a fool. He called
the wolf and asked him; he said NO."
and he tore him to pieces for tlatterer.
At last he called the fox, and asked him !;
''Truly," said he, II have got cold, and
cannot smell.'
A MORAL PIcTURE.-Wife (who has
become an amateur painter) -"What do
think of the sketch, dear ?''
Husband "Well, the drawing of it in
wolves no breach Of the second command
ment, for it is not the likeness Of anything
that is in the Heavens above, or that is in
the earth beneath, or that is in the waters
under the earth.''
HAD HIM THERE.-A reverend SPORTS
man was once boasting Of his Invaluable
skill in finding hare. eff I were hare"
said Quaker who was present, II would
take my seat in pace where should be
sure of not being disturbed by thee from
the first day January to the last day of De-
cember.' 'Why, where would you go ?"
''Into thy study"
The whole sixty-two elements of which
the universe is made, have their essential
basis in the four substances, oxygen, n.y.
drogen, nitrogen and carbon, representing
the more familiar names Of fire, water, salt
petre and charcoal and such is man, the
lord Of the earth spark of fire, drop of
water, a grain of gunpowder, an atom of
charcOl
TURNED WHITE IN A SINGLE NIGHT.
Here's another warning. A man down
town refused to stay home after an early
supper and help his wife white-wash the
back yard, and his black hair turned white
in single minute. His wifes painful
xr,1yo ND, !, f1,o
den change.
A gentleman of intelligence visited one
of the public schools of Pittsburg, and COM
plimented the scholars highly for their rec
itations, which he had listened to with
pleasure, remarking that he had not heard
so good recitation in twenty years, and
then he hesitatingly asked the teacher if
it was in grammar or arithmetic,
A peddler called at house in town not
nineteen miles from Boston the other day.
and asked if Mrs. Letters was in. emo
such lady lives here" ssWhen did she
move ?" "She never lived here" s'Well
how do you pronounce that name on the
door? That is the lady I am looking for"
''Oh! that is letter box.'' Exit peddler.
"Got all kinds of ties here ?" said a
would-be wit, entering well-known gents
furnishing store. eyes sir" replied the
shopman, sWell, 1 should like pigstye,''
remarked the customer. 'sAll right, sir,
just bend down your hogshead and we will
take your measure" said the ready shop
man.
No man knows how big fly is till one
lights on the back of his neck at five o'clock
in the morning and takes its morning walk
down his body, preparatory to breakfasting
on his big toes. Only the knowledge that
he is not in Africa can keep him from be-
lieving that a strayaelephant has called.
A tramp who called at Danbury house
for something to eat, and was ordered off
the premises, Indignantly inquired of the
proprietor, SIS yourname Hilton ?" ''No."
"All right then,' rejoiced the tramp in a
softened voice; II was going to say 1
wasn't Jew"
Between '.new-made lovers; "Then,
Adelgltha, you will be mine ?" eyes,
Ferdinand, if pa is willing. I always do
what he wants me to- "But will he give
his consent ?" "He will. Pa always does
what [ want him to-
"A little boy of our acquaintance, who
had just learned that the names Jack and
John were used INTERCHANGEABLE, took oc-
casion not unnaturally, to call his sisters
to picture of ''Jack the Bap-
tist.7
Blessed is the woman who don't scold
when the stove-pipe falls down on the din
ner table, and blessed is the man who cap