Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-03-01
No. IS
WITS ENDS.

Ode to washerwoman 5O.-Editor
Boston Advertiser
If the Indians must have whisky, ''give it
to 'em" Crooked.
Bad tempered fellow that Sultan; apt to be
! very Pasha- nate in his replies.
When ought mariners to have fruit at sea?
When they stem the currents.
Darwin says that birds have religious dis
tinctions. Hens probably belong to the laity.
Mrs. Partington says that Ike has bought
horse so spirituous that be always goes off in
a decanter.
How do canary birds pay for themselves?
Why, they give their notes, of course--lNus-
trated Weekly.
why is a beautiful woman like Hoe
printing press? Because she makes fair
impression.
A coroner's jury, in the case of man who
was killed by falling icicle, rendered ver-
dict that he ''died of hard drink"
The joys of this world are indeed fleeting,
but when lot Of boiled molasses gets into a
girls hair at a candy-pulling, it may stick for
weeks.
The expression, Whipping the devil
around the stump is supposed to be of
LASH N-d-'tuOuldil SlH---'1 UuSUOteU
Weekly.
As Madam Essipoff is said to have tecA-
niQue and glorious physique she ought to
lQue out paying reputation. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
A New York paper says that x-President
Woolsey is graduate OF over fifty years
standing. How tired he must be.-BostoN
AGyertiser.
A Brooklyn girl was asked by very thin
gentleman if she didn't think she could learn
to love him. II might if you was stuffed,'
was the laughing reply.
There are two rival blind men asking aims
in front of one of our churches every Sunday
morning, and it is a sight to see them eye
each other Jealously.--N 0. Republican.
A clergyman in Boston recently aroused
his sleepy audience by announcing in the
most positive manner that, Notwithstanding
the hard times, the wages of sin have not
been cut down one iota."
A lazy fellow falling distance of fifty
feet, and escaping with only few scratches,
by-stander remarked that he was ''too slow
to fall fast enough to hurt himself"
Wellington, it is said, was always fond of
bestowing military names on various arti-
cles. He called his night-gown, we believe,
udp-SdCk. -HZUtU6bVVtEU DUNCtEU.
A travelling philosopher whom Meriden
policeman requested to move on out of town
rebuked the officer with the conundrum
Wasn't the children of Israel tramps?'
els your master up?" asked an early vis-
itor of a noblemans valet. yes, sir, re-
piled the valet, with great innocence, "the
butler and crrried him up about o'clock.
Stable-keeper -''By the way, shall put in
an extra buffalo ?" English blood -''Couldn't
you let me ave an orse, you know ? Er-er-
rather not drive buffalo first time, you
know
A young gentleman of Kilkenny, meeting
a handsome milkmaid near the parade, said
"What will you take for yourself and your
milk, my dear?" The girl instantly replied,
IS Yourself and gold ring, sir.
1T is very difficult to lve," said a widow
with seven girls all in genteel poverty. You
''You must husband your resources" said
sage friend. I'D rather husband some of
my daughters, answered the widow.
Eternity, past and future passed before
my eyes," he said, land | saw where the
crack of doom began and ended" This was
his experience the first time a baseball struck
him in the stomach. h.-4ndreacs' Basar.
"They must have very feeble constitution
in Congress-" said Mrs Partington, ''if they
haven't got power enough among em to
count few votes Why Isaac could do it
in five minutes by simple admonition.'
Some time ago member of the County
Court referred to the fact that be had g a ver-
bal communication in his pocket" and sub
the same justice proposed to ad-
journ '' sine die until next Thursday
Louis Republican.