The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1877-02-22
MumfOrd's Pavement.


lieves' for me. l see through YOU"
Mumford's Pavement.
Some person accidentally upset a
bucket of water on MumfOrd's pave
ment one of those swapping cold even
ings, and Jack Frost slipping along soon
after, transformed it into sheet of
glistening, bone. breaking ice
Mumford, wholly unconscious Of the
pitfall in front Of his door, had just taken
his seat at the basement window, when a
stout old gentleman came along, carry
in a halfpeck of cranberries tied up in
brown paper, and softly humming to
himself:
az wish'd was turtle-dove,
wish'd was a sparrow.
I'd fly away to Je-ra-salem !"
he exclaimed, as his legs spread them
selves suddenly apart. A frightened,
dazed look crept into his eyes, and a mo-
ment later he had burst the suspender
buttons off his pantaloons and hopelessly
ruined new eight-dollar silk hat, trying
to butt barrel of ashes into the gutter,
while the air in that vicinity was filled
with blue profanity and red cranberries.
Owing to the thermometer being one
flight Of stairs below Zero, and the old
gentleman not having calcium light in
his vest pocket, he concluded not to pick
up the SO, 000-and-odd scattered cranber-
ries, but contented himself by shaking his
fist violently in Mumford's direction
and yelling as he moved away:
81 can lick the stuffing out of hull
cart-load of such 'smartys' as youW
"Mercy, what funny old gentleman |!
first he falls down, and then he jumps
up and blames me for it," remarked Num-
ford to his wife, who was sitting by the
light, sewing.
He can't to this hour recOllect what
reply his wife made, his whole attention
being suddenly riveted upon very tall,
thin woman, with long nose and big
hustle, who was dragging fat, dumpling-
built little boy along by the hand. She
had reached about the same spot where
the old gentleman moment before had
been performing, when she stopped sud-
denly, clutched wildly at vacancy, tried
to kick her bonnet of, missed by few of
the shortest kind of inches, tripped up
the boy and sat down on him with a
force that threatened to drive him
through the earth to China.
The prompt use of the boy preserver
saved her bones and hustle from destruc.
ton, but it fattened that sacrificing
youth to the thickness of Jack of Clubs
in a euchre deck.
"DOn't you grin at me, you nasty big
baboon you !" she screamed, nodding her
head at MumfOrd, while she CROPPED
around for her false teeth, that had
slipped out of her mouth in the confu-
sion.
"Shc must certainly be drunk" solilo-
quized MumfOrd, watching her actions
with amazement.
off was a man I'd skin you alive for
this, you wretch p she shouted, when
she had got her teeth back, her bonnet
on, and her hustle propped up.
"Drunk and lunatic both. Whatve
l got to do with her slamming herself
around on the sidewalk, I'd like to
know?" he asked himself, as he watched
her fading away in the darkness, with
her fattened boy in tow.
A few moments later, as he was fiat
tening his nose against the windOw-pane
|
"And, Amy, love-" said the gentle
man, az can hardly realize that you are
to be my own little darling, ducksey-
Suffering alligator" he shrieked, as bis
legs opened like pair of compasses, and
he struck the sidewalk with jar that
threatened his back teeth, raised his
scalp an inch or two, cooled his love
ripped his best pantaloOns, started his
eyes full of tears, and made him regret
bitterly that he'd forgot SO much of hi
boyhoods profanity.
90, Fredp exclaimed his fance, try.
ing to lift him up by his paper collar
and, the next instant, his charmer's feet
| slipped on the ice, and after swaying tC
and fro violently for a moment, she at.
tempted to turn back somersault
which her lover did not look upon as q
success, owing probably to the fact Of
her kicking him in the ear as she went
over, with more the force of a yellow
mule or a dynamite cartridge than that
of the cardinal-stockinged idol of his
heart.
They got up, glanced sheepishly around
! to see if any one had noticed them, tried
to coax up sickly smile, and limped
away trying to look as if they didn't want
| to rub themselves.
Hang it all why don't you sprinkle
some ashes on that ice !" called a grocer
who had skated off into the gutter and
smashed two dozen eggs, the back of his
head, and bottle of olive OIL in falling
go! there's ice there so that accounts
for the gymnastics" said Mumford, fill.
ing scuttle with hot Goals and ashes
and hurrying out.
Some of the neighbors who CHANGED To
be looking out of their front windows
about this time say that it was grand
and awe-inspiring sight to see Mumford,
after remaining for a second on the back
of his neck, pointing at the twinkling
stars with his heels, and emptying his
pockets out OH to the walk, suddenly
collapse into tangled, scorched and
bruised heap, and fill the air with
shrieks and more sparks than fireworks
explosion would make.
A policeman helped his wife and the
cook to carry him into the house, and he
has informed the doctor who is attend
ing him, that as soon as he can cultivate
enough skin to cover the burned places
he's going to move to a climate where it
don't freeze once in billion years. His
wife thinks she has read of such place
in the Bible.
England's New Climate.
Tho ;aoua IF tha Now VorL U,.eIJ "a