Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-05-16
PITH AND POINT.


wife.
TURKEY takes six million gallons of
kerosene from this country every year.
ONE of the English papers remarks
that winged words must be pigeon Eng
lish.
IT makes the telegraph wires tremble
to pronounce some OF the Turkish gen
erals names.
PRINTED posters play an active part in
political contest but they are generally
neutral, because they are always on the
fence. #s
A LITTLE girl suffering from the
mumps, declares that she feels as
though headache had slipped down into
her neck"
The Oil City Derrick man says: The
slowest man in America lives in Oil City.
1t is a common occurrence for his watch
to run down while he is winding it up
| The Delaware Granger now sits on his
peach-orchard fence and laughs till his
waistband chuckles, as he figures up a
crop of not less than 100000 900 baskets
ONE cannot be too careful this kind
of weather. A South Side swell ex-
Il
light bamboo, and the conseq uence was
a severe cold.
A MAN in, Kentucky was found dead
with several bullet holes in his head and
the astute jury summoned to hold an in
quest returned a verdict Of "death from
undue excitement"
A MINISTER asked a new deacon if he
had family prayers. Yes sir; night and
morning regular, if | have to knock
every one of the young ones down on
their knees"
ORPHEUs G. KERR tells IN the Graphic
how purely Legitimate business transac-
lions are contaminated: L" You are leg
islator. Will you vote for this bill? Let
me see your jackknife. | will give you
$4,000 for that knife"
ONE of the lady clerks OF the Interior
Department has perpetrated a pretty
Being told that she must pronounce
Schurz like "1Shirts," she replied, eff he
is Shirts we clerks are upder-shirts."
THE other day in a New York up town
residence, a ring at the door was heard,
and the servant girl, calling to her mis-
tress, said: "Please, mum, 90 to the
door, an eff it's anybody for me, tell 'em
I'm engaged
A NEW style of gun in the shape of an
ordinary walking-cane is coming into
general use in San Francisco. The new
weapon will propel bullet one hum
dred PAGES, and when fired makes only q
triiing report.
A LETTER from one tramp to another
was picked up in Fairhaven, Vt, lately,
which closed as follows: "a won't ketch
me in this stat agin my advise to u IL to
go bak to york stat ceep clere Of vermont
fur it IL not a good hum fur q sensatiy
tramp"
gelist to a boy who had Just emerged
from hair-pulling match with another
boy, "Do you expect to rove hereafter
in a land of pure delight" "No," said
the lad, GIVE busted button off'n my
trousers, and expect to get licked for it.
THIS is about the time of year that the
average young man determines to turn
a new leaf, ambition stirs his heart and
he resolves to do things that will rebound
to his credit. Then his very first act Is
to go to some unsuspectlng tailor and
strive to obtain0redit for 9 new spring
suit.
The youth who cannot wreath his
monogram before him with cigarette
fumes, entice the same back via his nose,
and emit volume of jaundiced smoke
in the face of companion-all with the
air of one having learned it in his in
fancy-you may be sure halls not from
that noble company known as the
boys"
All, these early spring mornings!
What is more delightful than to spring
airily from bed at five o'clock in the
morning and take stroll, breathing the
fragrance-laden air and listening to the
chipping of the birds among the trees?
What, indeed, unless it is to lie snugly
abed and wonder what fools are prancing
about in the damp at such an hour.
THE following telegraphic correspond
ence took place recently between San
Francisco and Baltimore: Dear -,
I have your fathers consent to you serv-
ing as bridesmaid Will you come%'
" Dear -, You bet. What is the
color of your dress?" s.Dear Navy
hlue and hurry m -