The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1877-03-15
Naming the Twins.

A IrlenO Oh DuItSl W IGN NJ
staid at his house n short time after
the twins were born, overheard the
following conversation between the
fond parents one night after ali
hands had retired. He was in the
adjoining room:
Mrs. B.-What shall we call the
twins, Henry, dear?
DO, ] dunno. Almost any
good names. How would Moses
and Aaron do? or Cain and Abel2
Mrs. B.-You ought 10 be asham-
ed of yourself to want to name one
Of your own children after 4 muir
derer! You might have hunted the
whole Bible through without finding
anything worse!
DO, we'll, call them Shadrach,
Meshach, and Abednego then.
Mrs. B.-You know very well
that there are only two twins, and
that they can't have three names
divided equally between them.
hate Scripture names anyhow. l
want to call them after some dis
tingulshed men.
B.-Well, name one of them But
Ter and the other Schurs.
Mrs. BID rather die on the
spot than have a child of mine
named after an undergarment.
B.-How'll Bismark and Gutcha-
koff suit You?
Mrs. B.-Butterwick, you know l
can't abide these German names.
You would inflict curse on your
innocent boy if you were to send
him through the world with such
name as Bismark Butterwick. You
know very well YOU would. l pre-
fer an American name. One that
belongs to this country.
B.-Very we'll, then, call one of
them Spotted Tail, and the other
Hole in the-Day. These are indig-
enous to this continent.
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwick, if you
are going to turn the subject into
ridicule, I will get up and dress my
self, and 60 down stairs. You shan't
insult me to my face, anyhow. You
know well enough that meant
some white American name.
blow would Smith and Jones
answer
Mrs. BID rather bury both OF
them in one grave. Why don't GU
suggest some distinguished Ameri
can name?
DO, all right; there's Benedict
Arnold and Martin Van Buren,.
Mrs. B.-They shall never have
those names with my consent.
BLOW about Adams?
Mrs. B.-That's only one name,
and there are two babies,
B.-Well,Ecall one "a" and the
other ADAMS"
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwick, if you
use language like that-again I'll go
home to mothers this very night.
B.-Well, then, if you must have
the names of celebrated Americans,
call one "Tilly Slowboy" and the
other Goodies"
Mrs. B.-Were they prominent
men? 1 don't remember hearing
about them before.
B.-Why, my dear, they both
signed the Declaration Of Indepen-
dence, and Slowboy was Vice-Presi-
dent under Washington. If you
want straightout revolutionary pa
triots, those are your men.
Mrs. B.-What did Mr. Toodles
do?
B.-Louisa, 1 am surprised at
your ignorance! Don't you know
that he commanded the Army at
Valley Forge?
Mrs. B.-I don't think much of
their names, anyhow. Say over
some others.
B.-Lemme see. Well, now there |
is Mephistopholes, and
Mrs. B.-What did you say he
did?
B.-Did? Why, he commanded |
the frigate Constitution in the war
of 1912, and he was then killed |
while mailing the American flag to
the mast.
Mrs. B.-And you want to name
one of your children after him?
B.-Certalnly. Why not? Noble
old patriot Did he not die in de-
Tense of-Why, Louisa, what are
you going to do?
Mrs. B.-Why, L am going to
quit this house and take the twins
with me, and stay away forever. 1
know Just as wen as you do that
Mephistopholes is another name for
the devil. I've seen him at the
opera. 1t is perfectly infamous for
you to suggest such name for
your flesh and blood. / don't be-
lieve in your Slowboys or Toodles
either. I'm certain that you've
been telling scandalous stories, and
now I'm going to leave
Then Butterwick was heard to
use a persuasive tone with Mrs. B.,
and finally she made it up with him.
N \ /