The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1877-08-31

Sound the loud timbrel
Cer valley and plain;
The locusts have left,
And we harvest the grain.
About half the fashion plates sent out
from Paris are eolored at the prisons
by female convicts.
A newspaper in Switzerland says
"Miss Mollie Mcguire. eff Pennsyl-
vania, has been hung for misbehay-
ing"
Notice to equestrians: Side-saddles
are losing favor; ladies must either
use gentlemen's saddles or ride no
more.
Philadelphia Herald thinks they are
called "Indian Supply Contracts" be-
cause the supplies always contract be-
fore they reach the Indians.
A sea-horse is s sea-horse
When you see him in the sea;
But when you see him in the bay
a bay horse then is he.-TOm Hood.
A sea serpent is sea-serpent
When you see him in the sea;
But when you see him where you can
catch him
Somethin else is he.-PhIladelphIa Press.
AS the ring is emblematic of marri-
age. far seeing men applied the same
term to any combination which has its
origin in deception, and plumber for
its object.
The misery of the young man who
courts sparkling fashionable belle
and loses her, is only excelled by the
misery of the man who courts her and
wins her.
Not less than sixteen brass bands
competed in a tournament at Rocky
Point, and the very claims got up,
turned over their beds, and howled
with agony.
First refectiOn-s'Really, I'll either
have to quit alcoholic drinking or stop
nay newspapers. Expenses must be
curtailed." Second reffections-"Well,
the newspapers don't amount to much
anyhow."-Derrick.
Jim Fisk used to say that Jay Gould
was q bad bed-fellow. she gets his
back az ainst the wall and his feet
| away you go into the cold. He has
the coolest feet of any man l know
San Francisco Bulletin.
When Jack was poor, the lad was frank
OF late he's grown brlmruI of PRIDE
and pelf;
No wonder why he don't remember me:
Why SOP you see he has forgot himself.
Once youth is with the object of
bis affections he is apt to forget all else
but the present moment. He should
always remember, however, that 1t is
essential she should occasionally take
breath.
A negro being asked what he was in
jail for, said it was for borrowing mon
ey. "Rut," said the questiOner, "Chey
don't put people in jail for borrowing
money" eyes," said the darkey, s'but
| had to knock the man down free or
fO' times before he would lend it to
me-
The way in which they construct
platforms in OHIO reminds one of the
method In which the old negro put on
his tight coat. First you squeeze one
arm into 1t, and then the other; and
then you S'try to stand on your head,
and hab a general conwulsion.'-
World.
A learned sergeant was once accus-
ed of haYing disgraced the bar by tax
ing silver from q client, the etiquette of
the profession requiring that his fee
should be in gold. 81 took silver" he
replied, "because / could not get gold
but took every farthing the fellow
HOElUS dlIE HOPE you 10
not call that disgraeing the profession"
A Boston LADY, who had recently ar
rives in this city, told a young man
who works in the mines that she could
indulge in the ecstacy of OSCILLATION
with an adult male genus home with
feelings of qualification anaOiogical to
quaffIng the nectar of the gods; and
after he had consulted the authorities,
he was mad at himself because he had
not kissed her.-Austin Reveille.
This is the season of the year when
the average clerk talks carelessly for
a few days about Saratoga, Long
Branch, and other fashionable water
ing-places, buys another twenty-five
cent white tie, packs his valIse bids all
his friends adieu, and slides care
fully up the back streets, and takes the
stage up country to help the old folks
get in hay for week or two.-Bridge.
port STANDARD.
When woman slips at the head of
the stairs, and falls over herself, and
finally fetches up at the bottom, the
first hard work she does is to reach for
her back hair; but q man under the
same circumstances reaches for the
place where his back bone leaves of,
and delivers few remarks on the sub
Unity of the occasion that We wouldn't
print for Sl4, unless he would send his
name along as guaranty of good
faith.
MlldDesS conduorS-and hence IL ia that