The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-09-08

breath Smelled OF lager ana she q lost OH
her hustle. guess my sister is dead
The dispatch read:
BosToN, August 10, II.
Bijah Joy:
Mayor of this city leaves for Detroit this morning
to have look at your feet Please aatten them out
as big as you can. Tom COLLINS.
He read it over three times without
stopping and when he finally realized
its full significance, he slid up to the
corner to look for the boy. The boy was
half block away, waiting Tor an explo-
sion. They stood and looked at each
other for long minute. They were like
two statues. Neither smiled a smile.
One could have heard an omnibus drop.
Biiah at length forced a CHASTITY grim
and called out:
Aren't you the dear, good boy whom
| promised six figs, ten yum-yums and a
pound of eandy?"
"Yepp," was the ready reply.
"Then come and get them, darling
come and feast and be happy. Oh how
| do love boysw
"I'll see you later. Please call at my
Office retorted the lad.
Biah made a rush, struck an awning
with his head, knocked down some cloth
ing and fell against a rack, and as he
limped back to his den the clothier came
out and said:
I" If / was an elephant I'd eat hay and
have regular stall in some barn"
BAD BoIs.
| see you are one Of the Bots" OBJ
served the court, as Charles Bots APP
peared.
Il don't want any fun over this"
walled the man. "Tm out of money,
most dead, and hain't had breakfast.
Didn't you hear the gong call you
to breakfastat six o'clockg'
" No, sir. All heard was this Bilah
here hollering around that no man need
come here expecting TO get broiled duck
and ice-cream. When / asked him for
breakfast, he made faces at me-"
Well, Charles, you were sadly intox-
icated last night. Some one stole your
hat, something tore off one of your coat
tails, straw got into your hair, and when
the officer gathered you in widow wo-
man on Croghan Street was chasing you
out of her yard with hoe-handle.o
Do | know anything about hoe
handles?' protested Charles. " Am |
responsible for widow womenT'
"You are simply one of forty-two
millions of American people marching
on towards the Mystic River, Charles
Bots, and you'll live just as long and
grow just as fat if send you up for
sixty days.
Cup where?
"To the House of Correction"
~ don't know nothing bout no
How's Corrucshun-I don't know any
body up there"
Well, you should have called around
before. 1t won't take you long to get
acquainted The Superintendent will
talk to you on sight as frankly as an old
schoolmate."
81 think I'll dep gasped Charles, as
he let 90 the railing and started for the
corridor, but it wasn't over sixty seconds
before he was borrowing plug tobacco
and wondering if there was chance for
surf-bathing up there.
TOURIST.
"You have fine city here" remarked
| Oscar Deak, as he stood before the desk
and rubbed his hands.
The court looked down on him in
silence.
"Such broad streets, such big dogs
such beautiful alleys, such nice hand
organs | never saw in a town before,
continued the man.
That same cold, murderous look from
the court.
"Fm almost tempted to spend the re
mainder of my days here" said thepris
oner. :" The water agrees with me, the
air seems very pure, and / find that the
Detroit quart of peanuts is bigger thar
any other in the land"
Still no word from his Honor. Hi'
eyes glistened like the tines of pitch
fork in the bayfield,, but he was bidine
his time.
"Pm much obliged to the boys fol-
helping me in here last night" coolly
continued the man. " | am subject
to those attacks of vertigo, and Provi
dence seems to raise up friends for me-
at the perilous moment. I'll leave {
quarter for the man who lifted me vi
and begged of me not to die"
While he was feeling for the clinkel
the court was calling to mind how the
tourist broke two chairs ina saloon, hao
fight with hackman and hid himself
in lumber-pile, and he wrote out on /
piece of paper at full length thatfamilial
old saying, "Twenty dollars or three
months" and held it up to view.
The tourist looked at the words. Their
he looked at the clock. Then he glanced
out upon the green grass in the allie.
and saw the lambs galloping up ant
down in playful mood.
Yes-ahem-Tll lend you twent,
dollars" he finally sighed.
"And don't have any more vertigo il
this town." said the court. Vertigo
makes the money go, you observe"
/ believe vow think l was drunk,
complained the tourist.
/ YUM" replied the court, bowint
profoundly.
i And you don't make any differences
between vertigo and drunkenness w
"Not bit"
j The man walked out doors and headed
for the nearest saloon. He was going il
on the real thing, with vertigo counted
out.