Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1877-05-25
WHOLE NO. GIG.
Gleanings.

A blind mendicant in Paris wears this
. inscription round his neck: Don't o.
ashamed to give only sou. can't see.f
care angels playing croquet, mamma"i
asked little four-year-old, the other eve
ming, when she saw the meteors shoot.
A man saved from drowning a night
or two since, in Boston, abused the MANI
who rescued him because he did not save
his hat.
"My son, remember that your characte
ought to shine brighter than your boots.
Suppose blacken it, then, father?"
Josh Billings says he knows people
who are so fond of argument that theyl
will stop and dispute with a guide boar9,
about the distance to the next town."
A bill was introduced into the Nevada
Legislature by Chinaman. 1t was G.
wash-bill against one of the members
and was lobbicd through by its author.
A lazy fellow, falling distance of fifth
feet, and escaping with few scratches, n
bystander remarked that he was "to6
Those auburn haired young ladies with
noses suggestive of cold morning. and
who missed fire during the leap-year past
now sadly sing, 1T may be four years il
may be forever" Y
A preacher said, Every tub must,
stand on its own bottom" A sailor
jumped up, and said, "But, sir, suppose
it has no bottom?" "Then it's no tub"
returned he, quickly, and went OH withE
the sermon.
81 shouldn't like to be an oarsman,
said Jones. "Why not?" asked Green
Because an oarsman has so many pull
backs" replied Jones; and then the twcy
youths shook hands, and went out to buy
something. b
'I say Paddy, that is the worst-looking
horse you drive l ever saw. Why don't
you fatten him up?" "Fat him up-iiSsl
Fax, the poor baste, ,ss.e.ll sell hardly carry th.s
little mate that's on him now" replieeA
Paddy.
A comprehensive schoolinspector ask
ed an Aberdeen class if any one could
tell him anything remarkable in the liia
of Moses. Boys:-'Yes, sir; he was thu
only man that broke all the command
ments at once.
The following is a copy of Il note sen.
to the clerk of a parish not a huudre,
miles from London Mister, N.Y. vie
is ded, and wants 10 be berrid tohoNN
at wonnor clock. You knows where t
dig it, close by my other wief; but let
be dip"
Put out your tongue little farther,
said a physician to fair invalid. "a
little farther still, if you please" "Why
doctor, do you think a woman's tongu-
has no end?" An end, perhaps, madam,
replied the doctor, ''but no cessation"
Two sable philosophers took shelter
under the same tree during heavs
shower. After some time, one of then
complained that he felt the rain, "Nebt
mind" replied the other, "dere's plenty
of trees. When dis un is wet throug
we'll go to the oder"
A young man who had signed th.
pledge, entered a BARRIERS shop, and, c
the close of the shave, the knight of 4
razor commenced bathing the mans fact
with rum, when he was somewhat takes
back by an exclamation, ''Look out.
have signed the pledge, and l won't has
that stuff so near my mouth"
What gender is sugar?" asked a teac'
of grammar class. "What kind of SUI }
ear?" asked a boy. "What kind,' ~
peated the teacher; "what has that to d,
with it," "Why, if it's maple sugar i
feminine gender" said the boy. "Wh.
feminine gender:" asked the teache.
Because you can't tell Its age" reptile
the boy.
The story is told that certain Irisl
man, who heard Fred Douglass make
speech, was carried off his feet by thS
power which 1.-The nagur," as he calles
him, displayed. Being told by a COT
panion to ''Shut up, bekase the fellow
only half nagur, dye see?" Il
Irishman retorted: "Be jabers, if a me-.
that's only half a nagur can talk that, T..
thinkin' that whole nagur would ba.N
the prophet Jeremiah!'
The Empress Eugene, it is said in En-
land, will not live at Chiselhurst much
future. She is going to Spain to see h
relatives, and will endeavor to get a NJ
al wife for her son. He talks of going
Russia to offer his sword to the Gar, 81
should there be war, Napoleon w."
be fighting on one side, and "Cha
VII" better known as Don Carlos, Y
be fighting on the other,
\ Detroit widow owns and occupies
cottage under the shadow of q chU1t
steeple which is supposed to be in Id
ger of falling when high wind blow
At midnight few nights age when s
wind blew fiercely, she got up her fslSs
and dressed them, and then folded i
arms with the remark, ''Now, therA
that steeple falls and kills us, people y
know that we were a respectable fam
anyhow. George, you brush up y1
hair little more, and Sarah, you
your feet the stove hearth and
your collar more to the left.
They tell good story of an old a
ness man who recently found him
"cornered' financially and desired to
into bankruptcy. He applied to law
to know how much it would cost to b,
the papers made out and the business
through. He was told that the expa
would be about $40, and appearing
satisfied with the price, he told the
yer to go ahead. The lawyer folloJ
the Instructions, and when the work..
done he called for his little $50.
right" said the bankrupt, "you can
your claim right with the Others. "
A few mornings since, a ragged.s
beggar stopped at door and plahn
suggested vctuals AS the benevol
lady of the house was filing his haS
she asked:
What is your name, my SOM" :,
My name is Grimes"
SIS your father living?"
Yes, ma'am."
81 thought old Grimes was dead
"That was my grandpa"
And the youngster walked off, thih3
what good soul the lady was.
A Highland man was tried for a c.
tai offence, and had rather narrow
cape; but the jury found him Not &
ty" Whereupon the judge, in disc.
ing, thought fit to admonish him: g
oner, before you leave the bars.}ct
give you a piece of advice. fou h
got off this time, but if you ever come
fore me again, I'll be caution (sura
you'll be hanged"
"Thank you, my lord" answered
ald-'t thank you for your good ADJ
and, as I'm ma ungratefu', / beg
your lordship piece of advice in SetV
Never be caution for onybody; fd
/ n,,f.A 1,,, A..