Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-08-31
FUN !.

rather loud, when she wears roar SILK :!
''William,'' said Emeline, ''what do you
see in those wild, wild waves?" Sea
foam," CURLY answered William.
Jones says his wife oughtn It to complain,
as some of the other fellows stay out till
ten, while he always gets home at three.
"When [ die,' said married man, II
want to go where there is no snow to SHOW
ell His wife said she presumed he
would.
A landlady said that she did not know
how to make both ends meet. ''Well,"
said boarder, "why don It you make one
end vegetables ?"
Patient Ito doctor, who has called in his
sporting costume) -'tI presume, doctor,
the reason you have brought your gun is to
be sure not to miss me.'
During an examination, a medical stu
dent being asked, ''When does mortifica-
tion ensue ?" he replied, "When you pop
the question, and are answered NO."
A wicked man killed himself in the low
est level of Nevada mine, and the &C
count says: "Thus his alleged soul was
saved over half mile of transporta-
tion.''
1t was Vassar girl who, when a sailor
Of twenty years voyagings had been point
ed out to her as an 'sold salt, subsequent
ly alluded to him as "an ancient chloride
of sodium
A teacher, after reading to her scholars
story Of generous child, asked them
what generosity was. One little boy rails
ed his hand and said, "Iknow: It's giving
to others what you don't want yourself"
A youth refused to take a pill. His
crafty mother thereupon secretly placed
the pill in preserved pear and gave it to
him. Presently she asked, "Tom, have
you eaten the pear ?" He replied, ''Yes,
mother, all but the seed''
Yesterday afternoon, an old gent from
game of base bali, and sat down on white
clover and a bare-legged humble bee. And
they do say that everybody lost all inter-
est in the game, until the old gentleman
got clear out OF sight.
1t is Sold of a young lady in Newark
that when her jealous admirer sent back
har LOT JIyit hof oh yo,,1I
return his, she answered that she regretted
that she could not comply Immediately, as
she had lent them to a young gentleman
to read.
Irascible Old Party-"Conductor why
didn't you wake me up as l asked you
Here 1 am miles beyond my station -
Conductor did try, but all could get
out of you was 'all right Maria get the
children their breakfast, and I'll be down
in minute.'''
Two tradesmen, in converse, were striving
to learn
What means to make use of great riches
to earn;
A friend, who sat near them, advised with
smile:
"Live on half your income, and live a
great while.'
A lady asked a very simple Frenchman
how it happened that his countrymen. who
came out of their own country, were, gen
orally speaking, men Of more ability than
those who remained at home. 80, madam, y
said he. "the reason is obvious. At every
outlet there are persons stationed to exam
inc all who pass, that for the honor of the
country no one be permitted to leave it
who is not man of understanding. :"
''Then," said she, 81 presume you we're
struggled through
A Detroit boy surprised his father, the
other day. by asking:
''Father, do you like mother %
"Why, yes. Of course"
''And she likes you 20
siOf course, she d0es.o
Ibid she ever say so ?''
siMany time, my son.
stDid she marry You because she loved
you?"
''Certainly she did,"
The boy looked the old man oyer, and
after long pause, asked:
.'Well, was she as near-sighted then as
she is now?"
THE NEW AR1sToCRACY.-The follow
ing colloquy comes from an unknown
source:
"Ephrahem, come to yer mudder, boy.
Whar you been 2''
''Playin' wild de white folks chilum."
ssYou is he ? She hyar. chile, you'll broke
yer old mudder's heart, an brung her gray
hairs in the grave wild yer recklumness an
carryns wild evil assoyashons. Hadn't
raised you up in de way you should ought
to go?"
'Yethum."
'sHabn;t 1 bin kin an tender mid you
am treatoned you like my own chile, which
you is ~
''Yethum.''
Hadn't I reezened wild you, and prayed
wild you, an deplored de good Lord to wrap
you in His buzzum2''
i.Yethum.'
.'An' isn't yeer naterl detect6r an gar
deem fo' de law ~
sYethum."
nWell, den, do you s'pose Use gwine to
had yer morals ruptured by de white trash ?
No sab! Get in de house this instep; am
if cher cotch you municatin' wild de white
trash any mo-, TO- de Lord, niger, I'll
broke yer black head wild brick"