The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-05-12
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

five TO the detriment of Wong Ching Foo, the
Buddhist missionary in New York. 1t intiInates
that he jumped board bill in that place ana
lodged prosecution for other deilnquehcIes.
Evidently instead OF Ching his proper name
sbould be Chin, of which he seems to have su-
perabundance.
Bob luserson advises Hayes to drop Grants
,~Labby about the annexation Of san Domingo.
i!e says:
That isn't the right kind of a country to raise
American citizens in. You go there with live
thousand New England Congregational preach,
rrs. five thousand ruling elders, five thousand
professors in colleges and take Their idinlHes
md settle in Santa Domingo and you WI. sec
the second generation riding on mule bare.
backed 10 shoes, twisted straw for a bride,
hair sticking out at the tops Of their has, with q
rooster under each arm going to cocH ilsht on
Sunday.
Tom Merry, IN the Seattle Dispatch, tells the
following ludlcroua story Of the hUmosst Mark
Twain:
one night Il was showing terribly as We walk
ed nm South G. street when suddenly We heard
our name called. Here was Mark Twain, wrap
ped in Il big overcoet, sitting on an empty dry
mods box and covered with snow. Its WORK
M bnllyn saws he, in his uneartAly dTawl
whats working" we asked. My dorS-trap-
Oh, no, guess not.' II seems that man had
opened q new drug store, with a rightbc! al
the front. lie tied one end OF rope 70 piece
of tough beef and the other to that bell The
dogs made IL lively for the druggist, however.
The Aurora Eqcs thus delivers Itself!
The name of the japanese Educational Com
missioner visiting Washington, is Totne'a. lie
came over here Tometa friendly welcome, hut
Americans say japanese are too far behind time
one Of these days they'll see IClne'a ra,ca-up
however.
France has resolved upon strict neutrality in
the approaching war. So has Katy. So have
Mexico and Hayti. When the Titans huri rocks
the cock and daw can enjoy the fun tc:, from q
safe perch.
The people VINO live in Massachusetts, valleys
are gettlng so now that when man comes into
the uejghhorhood and builds dam, tLey sell
out and move TO the top Of the hill, and naii
c.cats up along the truHSs of the highest trees.
Burlington Hdo'tyf
4 Cincinnati dentist has theory that {. j. alb
soutoly necessary 10 keep the patients mind
occupied. When he lifts the victim by stub
born tooth aud cau;cys round the room with
him, It seems 10 fill al, ,l- requirements 81 the.
theory
The tide OF northern Immigration into Texas
is already attended with marked results. 1t is
stated that al boys over i've years Of az, at
tending public schools, now imperatycly
required to take of their bowe-knUes and re-
yolycrs before entering the school-room.
B.lnums show circular has been received
with list Of his great aggregation from the
largest elephant down to an anteater. II he had
included q mothcr-in-law cater he would have
touched the popular card and filed his canvass.
The IIayeses walk to church in Washington
The rich they ride in chases,
While the poor they walk with the Hayscs.
--RG'iJ0E Journal.
The bloody shirt organs are hOrrihed at Hayes
appointing the descendants of rebels to West
Point We shall soon hear OF such noted rebels
Us Israel Putnam aud Francis Marion having de-
scendants there.
IT'S an old maxim OF the schools
That iatter'ys the food Of fools;
Yea now and then, your men OF wit
VII condescend to take bit.
The st. LOUIS Times intimatcs that It was much
more credtabe to Chamberlain to refuse a for
eign mission than it was in Hayes to offer il TO
bin.
\ Graptic reporter took Alexis to witness the
working Of the telephone, whereupon the Grand
Duke thus delivered himself
And Zis ozzer machinery-Zis vot You CALICO
by &c sunshine-make by Messiah Meddil-Zis
b!uglas-him shall see 60"
Il was explained TO him. and he said his dog
might sit under it.
Stearns overheard, Chamberlain overheard,
Packard overheard, now let THAI bad man Wheel
or look out We want no men in Office that
were not honestly elected
The foolish man will ask woman if her baby
is not trfc cross.eyed. But the wise man will
take the ears and make his Inquiries by postal
card from the next station.
Russia used to fight with Poles bu, they say
she used guns now.
The advance OF Russia through Asiatc Turkey
will be more rapid now that they are reported
- have taken nkars.
The tardy advent of spring finally enables us
10 make place for the following, which has been
wing in salt for a month:
Put away the long tailed ulster"
Hang IL on the earret-hoor
spring is coming, Spring Is coming,
We shall need II now no more.
Walla waIla people read the Walla WalIa
Wa,ol,man, Walla Walla, Walla Walla County,
Washington Territory. That must be double
Ell Of a country, anyhow.
Inc NeNOurgh JoarHdt says the west Io'hI
graduating class this year numbers scyentysev
rn-tbe largest class ever graduated. Uncle
sam will soon be able TO realize the soldiers
Utopia Of standing army composed entirely Of
brigadiers.
Ne don't know about this hluc-glass. We
have tried hard 10 swallow Joemedls stories
about; its efficacy, but il he tells many more like
Tue following we shall begin to doubt;
merchant who had long outstanding bill
against creditor that he about despaircd OF
ever collecting rewrote II in blue ink, the other
day, ard il was paid at sight.
Since the introduction OF the fashion Of button
Eg dresses down the back, an exchange says It
IS dangerous 10 leave 4 woman alone in house.
IL. .aL.s -..i.1. .lslL-r... 81