The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1877-06-20
ora ssrinsers Religion.

OItaoD Stfi1Eef IVES u btuu oiu lat
mer. He prided himself upon being
a plain, matter Of fact man. about
whom there was no foolishness on
sentiment.
On more than one occasion he bad
mortified bis wife aud daughters j
hustling them out OF religious meet
ings when they began TO show signs
Of emotion.
He said he didn't bslieve ia "ni-
raculous conversions and that pco-
pie who cried and yelled over getting
religion wasn't geetin' it by a long
sight"
He believed that the genuine arti-
Gle was soothing and calming and
not exciting IN its influence.
Once the Complexities held a pro-
tracted meeting 10 the neighborhood
as il was carried on without any
sudden onsbursts, Simon took kindly
to it, and attended regularly.
0ne Sunday morning he told bis
wife today ont two suits of clothes
"Wby Sinon,n exclaimed she in
her shrill tones, "what do you want
with two suits?r
That's nay Businessmen yours
he replied grufly. "You lay out my
black suit for me to PIT on, AID wrap
up my brown Q il q bundle, and
don't ask any question"
His wife wonderiRgly bat silently
complied, and Simon Gonned one
suit, and with the bundle under his
arm, mounted his horse and rode
away. followed by the anxious eyes
Of the biz aud little S%tringers, who
m~arvelled greatly, and said n 10
another, "Wtat is dad COINS to do
with his 'tother clothes 20
Simon didn't return till supper
time. He took bis accustomed seat
at the supper table. which was the
signal for the family to begin an on
slaught On the v~ictuals, but on this
occasion bis voice arrested every
arm in its descent, aud the second
time that day he astonished the
Stringers,
CHANGING around at the startled
circle. he thus delivered himsels:
II want it understood that the
head OF this household has this day
been baptized. He is a. follower of
The meek and lowly lamb. and the
first critter that dips into anything
sfore a bIessin' is asked III get snatch
ed baldheeded. Drop yer eyes. We
heathen.
The blessing was asked, and that
meal was taken il silence.
After the chores were done, the
Stringers were stringing of TO bed,
when The stern voice of the old man
again arrested them, and filled the
air with grave f0rebodings as 20 what
was coming next. He addressed
them as follows:
"Come into this room, every one Of
You, and pop down on your knees.
Il Is my duty as a devout Christian,
TO have nv family worship, and III
have it, too, aad have respectful at
tention. or III bust some domestic
ties asunder. The first one that
smokers or makes any onseemly
noise, III get up and throw a cheer
through him or her, as the case may
be. Let Us pray"
This SORT Of Thing continued about
TWO weeks, and the Stringer family
was kept 10 o state of extreme misery.
The Younger members had several
tines been severely whipped for Goa
duet u~nbecomiEg the children of a
true believer, and the older ones re-
harsh reprimands for failing
20 fall into the new order Of things
and comport themselves With prope,
Then one morning Simon came in
with q battered mills pail and the
knees of his pants torn.
Dropping into a chair at the table,
be plunged bis fork into the nearest
dish.
The children looked up from their
questiohingly, aud their moth
er ~squeaked:
"Why, Simon?n
"Shut up and eat he growled
and then in a few minutes added
This blessing and prayer business
IS suspended fer a while. don't
my obligations and duties as a
Christian and I'll resoom them after
conquered that doldogded
Tie tarnal eritter pursooms
90 much on my Christian furbear-
lnce. Durn a bypocrite. | wont
pray when my soul amt into it; it's
great a strain. Fur the time being
Eve descended from grace pass the
.omatuses."
4 sigh Of relief went around the
circle, and if the red heifer had known
low she had risen in the estimation
Of a majority ct the S%tringers, her
ractiyus soul would have leaped
for joy.
That was several years ago, and
low the heifer is a COW and the worst
the neighborhood.
The Striugers say as they plague
md punch her, Long al We keep Old
BED wild dad won't git any more o.
hat awful reljun-"