Daily press and Dakotaian. [volume] (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1875-1880, 1877-11-01
BAGeAeE.sMAsHlNc.

An Illinois man noticed that the only ar
ticle which the .baggage-smasher does not
smash is q loaded coffin, and accordingly
provided himself with q coffin made of light
cedar wood, furnished with nickel plated
handles, and q lid .malle to fasten with q
luck. In this c%ommodious %recepticle he
packed q%uinine, his whisky, his other paper
collar, aud all the various travelling para
phernalia Of. an Illinoisan, and sent it under
cover Of night to . distant railway station.
In the morning he dressed himself in black,
laceda wide weed around his hat, and,
presenting himself at the station, requested
the baggage master, with an expression Of
extreme wos, to check his beloved wife for
Chicago. The baggage master, though hard
ened BY years Of trunk.zmaahins, still re.
retained some traces Of humanity in his
composition, and RETAINED from cursing the
mourning husband, although he firmly ex-
planned to him that "dead wives couldn't be
played off an him as personal baggage" and
that the husband would either have ITO ex.
press his good lady or to send her AZ special
Efraa-claas freight" But the ingenious Hi.
noiMa persisted in his demand. He told
the baggage master that he must ethel
check those remains or be responsible fol
their safe keeping until the decision of tn,
lawsuit, which he should certainly bring
against the company. Alarmed by thi
threat, the baggage master yielded, ant
checked the coffin for Chicago, while it
owner went behind the freight house ant
executed . wild dance of private triumph
Twice during the journey the baggage va
shifted from q car to another; and Will
dozens of trunks we're reduced to splinters
the coffin was carried by six men with tn
most tender care. Its owner Watched
from a window Of the sm~oking.car, an
chuckled in a delighted way that woul'
alone haverproclaimsd him, . hsppy yid
over. In time He reached Chicago, whel
doubts as to the success of his invention
began to ;asail him The coffin was brough
to his hotel by . local expressman, who hs,
been unwarily entrapped into taking tn
check, but who charged the owner four dol
lars, and compellsd him to psy by threaten
ing to carry bis wife to the nearest mediea
college and to sell her to.the students. N,
sooner had the expressman departed thai
the ingenious Illinoisan became involved il
a dispute with the landlord, Who refused t
allow the coffin carried up stairs. 1--WE cal
stow your lady" remarked the landlord, III
the baggage room, where she will be perfect
" comfortable. but it is against our rules I
allow guests to have any remains carried t
their rooms" Howyths Minoisan was anx
ious to get his paper collar and his quinint
but did not dare to open his coffin inlpublic
so he tried his utmost to coax and bully tn
landlord into q departure from the rules Q
the house. The discussion attracted atten
ton, and q coroner, who was waiting in tn
hotel in order to be on hand in case q fe,
lg~uestsshould be hrpedto deaIh.Spsumptl
seized the coffin, and impanelling . jury
proceeded TO hold IN inques. With TIL
rapidity and energy Characteristic Of .th
western people. Great was the sstonish
ment Of the coroner and jury when the
viewed the supposed body. This ~astonish
ment q The pat Of the coroner himse|
poon gave way to anger when he ~refecte
lkhat he could not clstm fees for holding q
inquest on wearing apparel. He relieve
his mind by causing the arrest Of the unhaI
Epy nlinoisan on the charge of having mul
dered . wife or wives 1unknowA, to the jur!
and confseateds Ale 0ofnnii put pAyment
the fees whickshe expected to etrn, and
(which he considered himself defrauded.