Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1877-08-15

A drummer caused "W oodcocks
on toast" to be printed on the no.
tel bill of fare where he boarded
on April LIST, and the walters serve
"wooden faucets on crusts."
at seems to me that have seen
your physiognomy some where be-
fore, but | cannot tell where."-
every likely, | have been the keep
er of a prison for the last twenty
years"
"What l object to-" said a Texas
horsethief, as he was about to be
drawn up, sis you hanging me
here in the sun when there's plenty
of shade close by. However, so
ahead"
Phil. z. Buster is attempting to
cast a stain on the reputation of
Christopher Columbus by circu-
lating a story that on certain oc-
casion he left his native land "for
parts unknown"
A merchant asked his Sabbath
school class the other Sunday,
"What is solitude" A boy who
was in the habit of reading the
papers, exclaimed: "The store
that don't advertise"
"Great uprising of the Poles"
was the startling news sent from
Russia the other day. A telegraph
company had been recently started
and the poles for the wires were
just being erected-that is ALL
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Probably there isn't half dozen
hired girls in the United States
who don't know which are their
nights out, but the man isn't born
yet who can point to one who can
explain how the water pitcher got
cracked.-Fulton Times.
A thick headed squire being
worsted by Sydney Smith in an ar
gument, took his revenge by ex-
claiming, "If ] had son who was
an idiot / would make him a par
son. "Very likely" replied Sydney,
"but l see your father was of a
different opinion" d
A little girl here recently went
out to make a call. AS she arose
to go she exclaimed: "Oh, l for
got. want to see all your new
spring dresses and things. They'll
ask me about 'em the first thing
when l get home" She was fur
nished with the required details.
A Wisconsin man put his arm
around a girl while they were out
riding together, and within two
minutes it was paralyzed. Paraly-
sis is bad thing, but around here
it is considered pretty mean sort
of a man who isn't willing to risk
both arms if necessary.-Norwich
Bulletin.
Young lady-"It was stylish
dinner" Learned uncle-"Stylish,
are you using the word correctly
Do you know the derivation of
stylish ?" Young alphabetically
from sty, pig pen, and lish, the
noise made by the ho-animals
when eating" Learned uncle gives
up in despair.
SCOT all kinds of ties here p
said q would-be wit, entering G
well-know furnishing store. eyes
sir" replied the shopman. "Well
] should like pigs stye," remarked
the customer. "All right, sir; jus
bend down your hogshead and w
will take your measure" said thu
ready shopman.
A Missouri clergyman is asked
to vacate the pulpit just because
he had three wives living and il
suspected of having poisoned TIT
fourth. Church congregations arr
becoming so particular that afte
awhile a clergyman will not be per
United to have any worldly en-
joyment at all.-Ex.
Our forefathers were content t
spread their frugal repast upon tn
bare bark that they stripped from
the forest trees, but the aristocracl
of to-day not only insist upon hav
ing a sixteen dollar extension table
but stick up their noses if povert,
compels them to use a sheet for
table cloth.-Fulton Times.
81 only get ninety cents a day,