Sharp County record., 1877-09-21
The Gaunt Man with a Grlp.Sack.

He was a gaunt specimen, with
pious deneanor, and he carried grip
sack that looked as if it had travelled.
He stalked solemnly past the servant,
and entered the best room of South
Side residence.
"Call the lady," he remarked, "and
in the meantime | will amuse myself"
With that he seated himself at the
piano and began sad heart-broken
air.
"Who is it, Bridget?" said the lady
from up stairs.
Bridget said it was Gabriel, who had
come to blow his horn, and wanted to
know if she should bounce him.
"Good morning, madam" said the
gaunt man, rising and bowling low as
the lady entered the room.
Then he began, like man lining
hymn;
"The llnell, the shroud, the mattock and the
The damp, deep vault the darkness and the
worm
"You have wo- should say, you
have children, fair lady, and never yet
was born a child that the cruel worm
has not invaded. A child with worm
will make more disturbance than an
army with banners. In this little port
folio" and he brushed tear from his
eve, and opened the grip-sack on the
center table, sin this little p. f. have
medicine as harmless as the gentle dews
from heaven, that will create more con-
sternation in a camp of worms than red
pepper in an ant-hill."
II haven't any children" said the
lady, who took the first opportunity to
get in word.
"Glad of it; glad of it," said the
gaunt man, opening another compart-
ment of his grip-sack. "AllOw me to
congratulate you. But you have corns.
Corns are even worse than children with
worms. In this little package is an ex-
terminator that will exterminate them
quicker than you can say Jack Robin
son, and without pain or loss of blood.
1t will drag corn out by the hair OF the
head, so to speak, and you will never
feel it. As Byron has said
1T is oilupon the troubled waters;
1t is peace to the troubled soul;
1t is balm to the tortured toe."
81 haven't any corns, either" said the
lady, "and don't want any medicine of
any kind"
"Think well, lady Haven't you a
small excrescence on one of your dainty
! toesPn
"No, haven't" remarked the lady,
with flashing eyes, and lips growing
rapidly purple.
t'Few can deceive me, " said the gaunt
man, with beautiful composure. "Long
experience hath made me perfect in my
profession. Will you please step off a
little, and my practiced eye will detect
in your gait if you have, as suspect,
vilIainous corn between your small toe
and the next one"
"Step off little YOURSELF" exclaimed
the lady, "and take your miserable stuff
with you!"
elf ye amt out av sight in tin min
nits,' came the shrill voice of the hired
girl, "ye'll git phat we call the ghrand
bounce"
The gaunt man put up his little pack
ages, remarking:
GAS Mr.. Young has beautifully ex-
pressed it i'll his Night Thoughts this
appears to have been
Time elaborately thrown away"
care ye movin'P" was the voice from
the hall.
81 am," said the gaunt man as he
bowed himself out of the door
He passed down the steps, muttering
to himself:
"She can't fool me. can tell by her
gait. She has bunion on her left hoof,
and corn between the toes on her right
hoof. The first time the weather changes
she will realize the truth of the poets
lines,
{ Pigmes are pigmies still, though perched
on Alps,
And pyramids are pyramids in vales'"
OIL City Derrick.