The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1877-02-22

stocking when she wants to darn it
smoothly.
Moody says he doesn't approve of pret-
ty girls at fairs allowing themselves to
be kissed for twenty-five cents. That's
right It's far better to go home with
the pretty girls after the fair is over, and
kiss them at the door for nothing
A Chicago newspaper says that st.
Louis belle, travelling in Europe, had
last made exactly like her foot; aud she
got it through the Custom House free of
charge, as a work of art, by pretending
that it was part of Bertholdi's colossal
statue of Liberty.
Papa" said little boy to his parent,
''are sailors very small men2 "No, my
dear, what leads you. to suppose that
they are SO small2" answered the father.
Because / read, the other day, of sail
or going to sleep on his watch, replied
the young idea smartly.
A boat containing human foot was
picked up on the beach at Scarboro, Me,
on Saturday, and the citizens of the town
consider the man who left the boat with
out taking his foot along the most re-
markable case of Observation-Disclosures on
record.
Ii is all very we'll for editors to sling
the plural pronoun, and talk OF what
I'VE think where we went, what "our"
views are, and boast of "our paper" But
when the habit becomes so fixed as to
say "our" wife, it is likely to create do
mestic cyclone.
Old Mr.. Bledsoe, although he is a very
profane, wicked man, looks very youth
full for his years One Of his neighbors
remarked to Mrs. Bledsoe the other day:
THE old man is wearing we'll, isn't he2'
"Oh, yes" replied the good woman, hes
swearing well enough as it goes, but con-
sidering the opportunities and practice
he's had, he might put a little more pol
ish into it"
A tramp was arrested in New Jersey,
last. week, taken before a magistrate and
sentenced for three months. The justice,
in explaining the sentence, remarked
that, while there was no evidence that
the prisoner had been guilty of any
crime, he thought it prudent TO commit
him, as he had the wild, haggard look OF
man about start newspaper.
We have seen actors appear in four
pieces in one evening; but the other day
man in Sing Sing, N. Y, attempted to
dig up can of nitro -glycerine which he
had planted in his back yard for safe.
keeping, and it is estimated that he dis.
appeared in thousand pieces in sec
ond, besides bringing down the house.
The mimic stage can not compete with
scenes in real life.
The meanest attempt at conjugal de
ception occurred at Harlem Just after
the late fall of snow Simpkins pretends
to read from the papers that a woman al
Yorkville found valuable diamond ring
where she was shovelling the snow of
the sidewalk. Mrs. Simpkins gazed at
him scornfully, and carelessly took up
the poker. He gave boy leaden dime
to do the shovelling.
Two barristers, of the names of Doyle
and Yelverton, were constantly quarrel
ing before the bench. One day the dis.
pute arose so high that the incensed
Doyle knocked down his adversary, ex-
claiming, vehemently, you scoundrel
I'll make you behave like gentleman
The other, smarting under the blow al
he lay on the ground, energetically re
Piled "No, neverl ! defy you'll You can
not do it, sirl"
A gentleman in Virginia City, whose
Chinese cook left him. was unable to re
tain any of numerous Johns" for over Q
day, until he induced one Of them to ex
plain that some apparently meaningle
strips of red paper on the kitchen wal
contained the Chinese inscription: Boss
woman long time tongue. Muchee Jaw
Jaw"
4 Granny Johnson, colored lady anC
nearly hundred years old, locked al
her house and went out for brief walk
Soon there was fire-alarm. Soon there
after a friend ran up to the old lady anC
said: Granny GRANNY Your hous'
is on frel'' "Why, chile" said the dame
with great serenity, dat's impossible. d.
house is locked an Use got de key to d.
door in my pocket"
After Dinner Orator: Its in the won
derful insight inter 'uman nature tina
Dickens gets the pull over Thackeray
but, on tother hand, it's in the brillian
shafts O satire, t gether with keen sens
s, humor, that Dickery gets the pull owe
: Thackens It's just this: Thicl1ery j
the humorist, and Dackens is the satiI
ist. But, after all, it's 'bsurd to instoo
any comparison between Dackery ant
Thickens."
At O session of the Pennsylvania Stat
} Teachers Association a Frenchman, VIII
was unable to speak English, was requei
] ted by the President to address the al
: dience in French. That gentleman, il
announcing the fact, remarked that thos
| who were so fortunate as to be acquaint
!, ed with that language would be great
, pleased to hear Monsieur -; and b
Q had no doubt that those who were nc
1 would be equally delighted.
A friend of Grattan proposed to Gu
down a fine old tree, because it stood j
the way of the house" "You mistake
said Grattan, "it is the house that stand
/ in the way Of the tree, and if either mui
d come down, let it be the house"
|. When girl nineteen years OF age erie
: her eyes red over the loss Of ten cent
: worth of sassafras candy, it seems as
4 the scheme to enfranchise woman woul
: float off like a castle in the air and di
Z solve into everlasting nothingness.
The Rev. Dr. E. G. Taylor says tina
r while visiting a colored school in th
q South, he asked a tiny darkey what /
q studied for, and what was his object
! attending school Hesitating a few M
!, ments, the little fellow answered: II
S git offs"