The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-12-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

THE more hat man can buy for 81
the less bonnet a woman can buy for $50,
and yet some folks say this world was
slung together in perfect manner
Cincinnati BreakfdSt Table. 1'r
A LITTLE girl saw her father making
wooden egg, and, learning the use to be
matter to a visitor, prefacing her excited
story with the caution, Don't you tell
the hens I"
If there is anything that sets woman
deranged, it is to have her husband en-
deavor to draw the cork from a whisky
bottle with her best carving-fork, and
leave one of the tines firmly imbedded
in the cork.
"Do YOU know where I can get room
to store load of salt ?" asked a country
man of a Boston clerk. Perhaps my
father can accommodate you" was the
reply; "he has plenty of salt-rheum on
his hands,"
A DISTRESSED mother writes to news
paper for advice. which she gets thusly:
"The only way to cure your son IF stay
ing out late O. nights is to break his
legs, or get the girl he runs after to do
the housework."
"SHE is perfect Amazon said
pupil in one of our schools, OF his
teacher, yesterday, to companion.
eyes, said the other, who was better
versed in geography than in history,
noticed she had an awful big mouth"
"Pomp, was you ever drunka" "No,
'toxicated wild ardent spirits once, and
60 lie ~ Va
bless you, Caesar, my head felt as if it
was wood-shed. while all de niggers
in de world appeared to be splitting wood
in it."
IT makes even a good Christians lip
culver and half smile to creep over his
usually stolid countenance to see the
mosquito, with blanket round his
emaciated form, rubbing up against the
refrigerator, preparatory to leaving for
better world.
"AH, love !" she murmured, as they
wandered Through the moonlight, "ah,
dearest, why do the summer roses fade2"
He happened to be a young chemist of
practical turn of mind, and he replied
that il was owing TO the insufficiency Of
oxygen in the air.
A YOUNG Jerseyman who had been at
his club meeting the night before could
not eat, but sat innocently toying with
his fork on his plate. "Why don't You
eat your sausage?" asked his wife.
"Oh," said he, I'm trying to carve my
name on the bark.
A BOY WAS sent for doctor, his mother
being i'll, when looking down the street
he saw a great crowd. Then came
struggle between duty and curiosity, but
he finally started for the crowd, saying:
"The old lady's pretty badly off, but l
know she wouldn't want me to miss that
fight"
MARK HAMILTON, speaking of a belle,
who was n great favorite, said: "She
has mouth like an elephant - "Oh,
Mr.. Hamilton" said lady present,
chow can you be so rude % Rude,
ladies, rude What do you mean? 1
say she has a mouth like an elephant,
because it's full of ivory"
An honest man may be about as hard
TO find as plumber with a mortgage on
his house. We won't bubble about it.
But when you do stumble upon him he
has his trade mark upon his face, and,
whether in home-spun or store clothes,
might walk through the town with an
umbrella under each arm without fear
of unjust suspicion. -Bre0ktdst Table.
THE MEERsCHAUM.
Scorn not the meerschaum. Housewives, you have
croaked,
Ii ignorance Of Its charms. Through this sman
reed
Did Milton now and then consume the weed
The poet Tenny son hath oft evoked
The Muse with glowing pipe, and Ihackeray toked
And wrote and sang IN nicotinan mood;
Hawthorne with this hath cheered his solitude;
thousand times this pipe hath Lowell smoked
Full oft have Aldrich, Stoddard Taylor, Cranch,
And many more whose verses float about,
Pulled the Virginian Havana leaf;
And, when tho poets or the artists branch
Drops no sustaining fruit how sweet 10 pout
Consolatory whiffs ALAS too brief
-Hdrper's Magazine for December.