The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1877-09-15
HUMOROUS.


Hymen.
A LEADING Swiss paper announces the
hangingof Miss Mollie Mcguire, of Penn
sylvania.
AN old bachelor says that the talk of
women is usually about men; even their
laugh is but {: He! he! he!
AN aged African, describing how he
felt when he had hold of a galyanic bat
terry, said; "My voice chung to my
jaws"
Your HoRRABLE BODY" was the
style in which petitioner addressed the
Cleveland Common Council the other
evening.
Miss A" Is he a laboring or a pro-
fessional MANI" Miss b. (gushingly)
e Oh! professional. He is on the rail
road; is brakeman, / believe"
A YOUNG woman in Wareham, Mass,
earned So this summer by picking po-
tato bugs, and spent it on flute for her
brother.
A SOFT answer turneth away wrath :"
yet man caught by his wife dealing soft
answers to pretty widow next door,
says he can show scars to prove that the
proverb didn't work well in his case
IT is suggested that one reason why
Californians hate Chinese so is because
the latter introduced the fashion of hav-
ing shirts washed at least once per week
Free Press.
AFTER Burns.-("O wad some power
the giftie gle lis, To sac ourseIs as ithers
see US! Alice" If I were to put on
auntie's spectacles, | wonder if | could
see her faults as big as she sees mine?"
Mr.. EvARTs told his Cabinet associates
the other day that he was going to put
over the door of his Office in the State
Department a passage of scripture,
slightly changed, thus: Many call,
but few are chosen"
AN exchange tells how the Joke was
on him. I" A bright little girl of our ac-
quaintance asked us the following
conundrum: How many letters are
there in a postman's bag?" We gave it
up, and she said there were three-b-a-g.
THERE are no longer any Indians in
Burlington, and the wild war whOop of
the child of the forest no more awakens
the echoes of the frowning hills, but the
town is just swarming with book agents,
so that we don't miss the Indians so much
as you would think aDkeye.
LECTURER-But on looking at the
thermometer we find that, our endeavors
Notwithstanding, there is still no in
crease in the temperature. How shall
we now proceed?" Son of Erin (hastily)
-Shoor, I'd warrum the thermometer,
s0rrl
MOTHER, mother, here's Freddy teas
ing the baby. Make him cry again,
Freddy, and then mother will give him
some sugar, and I'll take it away from
him, then he'll squall, and mother will
give him some more, and you can take
that, and We'll both have some"
"WHAT's the use of all this sacrifice
of human life, this bloody butchery of
Turks and Russians" said a Philadel-
phia Quaker to a Cincinnati hog mer-
chant. g don't know" replied the lat
ter mournfully; "pork isn't riz any that
| can see. "-4ndreae's Bazar.
LIGHTNING struck hive Of bees in
Kansas the other day. The painful
story is soon told. The misguided light
ming came out of that hive quicker than
it went in, and went off into 81 ace with
its tail between its legs. MoralENever
pick a quarrel when you are not ac
quainted with the folks.
The exploring party struck the store
where Priam used to trade for his -four
and beans at Mycene, the other day, and
found the Trojan monarch's pass-book,
showing that his account was behind by
fifty-nine drachma. DR.. Schliemann
says this arouses all the grocer passions of
his nature.
AWFUL child-Aunt Emily; "Why,
Nellie, don't you know it is unkind to
catch hold of your sister and pull her
hair" Nellie (who doesn't see it,
We'll, auntie, saw you holding cousin
Frank round the neck awfully tight
Yesterday when mamma was out, and
pulling his hair, and he didn't say any
thing"
THERE was moments luil in the de-
bate, and then a member known as ''Old
Reliable spoke up, "Why, down in
Arizony, when | lived thar, it was so hot
that they used to have to splice two
thermometers together so 8 to git any
idea of the heat, and even then the quick
silver would squirt over the top thermome-
ter sometimes.-Austin (Nev.) Reoitle.
as this the place." she asked, as she
wandered down on the barren sands,
"where young lady-a beautiful young
lady-fell into the water last season, and
was rescued by a gallant young man
whom she afterwards married." He
looked at her carefully, estimated her
at a square forty-seven with false teeth,
and said: Yes, mann. But | don't
know how to swim. PUCK.
SPEAKING of the age of games OF
chance, Burdette, in his Hulk Eytet1s, y
remarks that 'About the oldest little
game of draw we know of was when
Joshua RACED Jericho, and the fellows OF
the city wished they hadn't stayed in. y
The same genius observes that g History
SAYS Cesar had his Brutus,' but we
always had the impression that Brutus
rather had Cesar.
THIS is the season of the year when the
average clerk talks carelessly for few
days about Saratoga, Long Branch and
other fashionable watering places, buys
another 25-cent white tie, packs his
valise, bids all his friends adieu, and
slides carefully up the back streets and
takes the stage up to the country to help
the old folks to get in hay for a week OF
two.-Bridgeport Standard.
A SOUTH CAROLINA negro jury was
called upon to give verdict in the case
of fellow black man charged with muir
der The foreman handed in the follow
ing:
mend rev
Baker not