Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1877-11-30
The Art Of Listening.


Persons who tnlk are in danger of talking
too much; the better they talk the greater
the danger. Nearly all men and women who
have gained the reputation of eminent con-
versationalists are little else than monologsts
and monologue is rs deadly foe to conversa-
tion as incurable stupidity. We get tired, af-
ter WHILE of hearing the most eloquent
speech if it comes from one mouth. and we
inwardly pray for what has been aptly called
few flashes Of silence How many brilliant
people there are in society whom all their ac-
quantances fear on account Of their gift of
utterance Everybody breads to broach
topic lest the sparkling talker should exhaust
it and his hearers, and still be talking on
The passion for speech, like other passions,
grows by indulgence, and at n certain stage of
development becomes so morbid as to require
neither sympathy nor response.
II is related of Macaulay that having been
introduced to. and driving a distance of six
miles with deaf and dumb man, he pro-
nounced him, some days after, to be gentle
man of the soundest views on politics, with
an admirable way of presenting them. Ma
dame De Stael, as the story goes, was induced
by satirist TO harangue n stuffed figure one
evening in darkened room for nearly two
full hours the satirist having assured her that
the figure was a distinguished Bavarian who
regarded her Germany" as the greatest work
that had appeared during the Empire. Ques-
toned subsequently as to her opinion, she de
clared that his merit was wholly beyond his
reputation that his ideas were at once origi-
nal, profound, and comprehensive, and that
he expressed them with luminous clearness
and particular elegance.
These anecdotes, if not facts, are true to
human nature, and illustrate the advantage of
listening, or seeming to listen. No doubt
Macaulay and De Stael-so egotistic and dog
matte were they, SO absorbed in themselves
would have been SO enraptured by the sound
of their own voices as to imagine their mono
logue conversation and the persons who had
never interrupted them AS fascinating COM
panons. If the thing did not happen, it might
have happened.
The art of listening is delicate and diff
cult art, and one that is seldom practiced 1t
is delicate. because it demands, if not sympa-
thy. show Of sympathy, and continuous at
tention rs well as an air of interest. 1t is di-
fiicult. because self-assertion is natural, and
state Of paSsiyeness without manifestation of
wearincss is rksome to maintain. On account
of its delicacy and difficulty, not less than
from want of knowing how to manage it, it is
the art rare III society. The few listeners that
understand listening are invariably liked, even
admired, and not unfrcqucntly charm the talk
ers to whom they give ear. The nice listener
is pretty sure to get Il name for intellect, cul-
ture. wit. readiness for any sort of quality. in
deed. which he or she does not reveal. and
may not possess The person fond of talking
usually endows the person who listens with
whatever attributes he thinks he has himself
and his good opinion of the listener grows
steadily. until sometimes it amounts to posi-
tive worship.
1t is not enough TO listen merely in mega
tive manner for that appear, like resignation,
like silent suffering like uncomplnining mar
tyTdom. and. besides. may be mistaken for
stupidity. which is fatal to the listeners hope
and object. One may be as stupid Ms an owl
in society but his listeners must disguise his
stupidity if they would be accepted; and
above all, never indicate or intimate to any
body else that the speaker has any possibility
of stupidity We can be dullness and COM
monplace itself with impunity provided we
seem to think well of our acquantances. We
may be insignificant and yet bear reputation
| for individuality, cleverness and character. so
| long We assume prejudices in favor of our
neighbors. And by listening patiently, earn
estly and pleasantly to whoever addresses us,
even when We find nothing in the discourse
that is new or entertaining, We may be GER
tain of securing friends since in SO doing We
| silently compliment others and repress what
| ever savors Of egotism.
Our listening must be an art, in order to be
effective; for, unless We make il an art we
shall often be tempted to betray boredom,
and yield to the temptation. We must listen
ON principle, and try to be interested even
| when We are not We shall be surprised at
the result Of such earnest and self-denying
continuance. What may be artificial and dis
| agreeable at first will become. after while,
natural and welcome. We shall discover in
| our acquaintances what we have never sus-
poctcd-that mere humanity is strong at
traction when it is relieved of afiectaton. as it
will b. if We treat it generously and sympa-
thetcally. Hardly any body is absolutely
dull or devoid of charm if he be put at ease,
and allowed to be his unrestrained self. And
the real art of listening insures such condi-
tions, and tventualiy begets mutual interest
which in the beginning may not be foreshad-
| owed.
The art of listening is well worth cultivat-
ing. The bane of all society is egotsm,
which is so restless and eXacting that it never
pauses to see what mind and merit may lie
behind the externally uninyiting. The base
of good society is benevolence, and the benev-
olence that prompts us to listen is ultimately
renumerative in many ways. --Hdrpcr's Bd-
ear.