The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-07-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

OPIRIT OF the tlmeS-WhiSkY.
A HARD-sHELL Baptist-The turtle.
A SUMMER hum bug-The MOSQUITO.
COOP suits for bald-headed men. Mo-
hair.
A co1oRED Postmaster is now called a
black-mailer.
TEXAS wheat is SO high that grosshop-
hoppers have to walk on stills.
Why is pond lily like whale? Be-
cause it comes to the surface to blow.
Why is the letter ''s'' like lamb?
Because it is the beginning Of "sheep.''
WHAT mental process most nearly re-
sembles n2a2aWte's reflection? Second
thoughts.
JOHN, you said Sally kissed you; did
you kiss her back % "No-I kissed
her face"
The most sentimental exercise vet
known is said to be women's eyes swim
ming in tears.
AS man drinks he generally grows
reckless in his case the more drains the
fewer scruples.
A LITTLE girl was suffering from the
mumps, and declared that she "felt as
though headache had slipped down
into her neck.
My LUCK" exclaimed Bohemian.
els SO atrociously bad, that I believe il
were to invest in soap, washing would
go out of fashion tomorrow.
The following is true copy Of let
ter received by village school-master
Sur, as you are a man Of nolege, I in
tend to inter my son in your skull"
AN eccentric clergyman lately said in
one of his sermons that about the COM
monest proof we have that man is made
OF clay is the brick so often found in his
hat
sir there's anybody under the canister
of heaven that l have in utter excres-
cence, " says Mrs. Darlington, "it is the
slanderer going about like boa con-
structor, circulating his calomel on hon
est folks"
AT a balloon ascension in Nashville
lately, an old negro, who thought the
balloon was going to heaven, cried out
from the crowd, as it assembled "Tell
Emeline I'll be dar after while tell
Sallie I'm coming"
Two COMMERCIAL travellers comparing
notes 81 have been out two weeks"
said the first missionary, "and have only
got four orders" "That beats me, ;" re-
piled the second commercial evangelist;
81 have been out four weeks and have
only got one order, and that's an order
from the house to come home" #
TURKISH mothers, says the Burlington
H0aOk-Eye, now put their babies to
sleep by singing that tender little song:
I've letter from the Gar,
Baby NINE baby mine
And he says he'll lift our HAIR,
Baby mine, baby mine.
He has crossed the Danube
He is coming after me,
Aud Wen see what We shall see
Baby mine.
A PENNSYLVANIA Dutchman. who mar
ried his second wife soon after the
funeral of the first, was visited with a
two hours serenade in token of disap-
proval. He expostulated patheticalIy
thus: 81 say, poys, you ought to be
ashamed of yOurselfs to be making all
dis noise ven dar vas funeral here so
soon.
ARTIST" What do you do in this
lonely place, Donald, when any one is
sick and the doctor is ten miles Off"
Donald" Oh, we shust gle her a dram"
Artist But supposing that has no ef-
fect?' Donald" We shust gle her
another dram" Artist" Yes; but
supposing that does not do?" Donald
-"Oh, we shust gle her another dram,
and if that does nae cure her she's no
worth curing. Punch.
He came back to his mother, looking
very forlorn, with big red swelling IN
der his left eye, and four or five hand
fuls of torn shirt boiling over his
breeches band. "Why, where on earth
have you been?" she asked. "Me and
Johnny's been playin'. He played he
was pirate, and I played was Duke.
Then he put on airs, and got mad,
and . eyes, yes" interrupted his
mother, her eyes flashing, "and you
didn't finch ?" emo, mother; but the
pirate licked"
"DooToR," said an old lady the other
day to her family physician, "kin you
tell me how it is that some people is
"Why-hem certainly,
madam, replied the doctor; 1t is ow-
ing to the fact that they come into the
world without the power of speech"
g La me " remarked the old lady; "now
Just see what it is to have physic edica-
ion. I've axed my old man more nor a
hundred times that ar same thing, and
Ill I could ever get out of him was,
Kase they is. >"
Will it Cure the Evil!
At the Thornwell Orphanage a boy