The Weston Democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1875-current, 1877-08-11
MARK TWAIN'S LATEST JOKE
Boston Herald.

HARTFORD, July 21.-A good story
about Mark Twain is just beginning
to leak out here. Some time ago he
went on q visit to Elmira, N. Y,
leaving bis quaint house among tho
trees On Pennington avenue iu charge
Of his servants. Nearly two weeks
ago au item appeared in the Hartford
daily papers. .chronicliug an Intellectual
attempt to rob the humorist's residence.
The story was that man presented
himself at tho door one day, saying
that he had been sent by the gas CON-
pany to inspect tho meter and pipes.
The servant, who had not tho slightest
suspicion, allowed tho stranger to on.
ter aud do as hO pleased. When he
supposed no one was watching bis
movements hc hid himself away in
dark corner, Of which there arc
many in tho old chalet, and waited
for darkness. But the girl, who had
watched his movements. went aud pro.
cured assistance, and had tho. intruder
bounced" without ceremony. When
Mr.. Clemens heard the story in Elmira,
ho thought he smelIed very large rat,
and hastcucd 10 Hartford with the
purpose offerreting it out His theory
was that one Of tue scrvont girls must
have q beau, who was admitted to the
house at unusual hours, and that, be.
ing caught in tho uo.. this means Of
ccnceaIliug tho real truth Of the case
was adopted. With all the sagacity Of
an Cx,jourualist ho followed bis clue,
but could not establish the theory
he had formed.
But while pursuing his investigation
hc learned that one Of the girls who
had b'cn Il member Of bis family for a
long time, was really guilty Of having
male admirer who shared tho hospi.
tality Of the house, unknown to the
proprietor. She was buxom English
girl with o handsome form and a bright
cheerful face. Faithful 10 the psrfor.
nance Of her duties, aud always solici.
tous for tho best interests Of the family,
she had made herself almost iuyaluA.
bio to tho household. Tho high esteem
in which &r. Clemens had always held
her, no doubt influenced bis course.
Ho was sorry to part with the girl who
had served him well, but seeing no
other alternative, quickly matured a
plan that "should lot her down easy
After long hunt he succeeded in dis.
covering the young follows name.
When that was accomplished, Mr.
Clemens went down town and procured
o marriage csrtifcatd. Returning be
stopped at tho residence Of tho Rev.
Mr.. Twi!chcIl, pastor Of the Asylum
Street Church. and took him into bis
carriage. Arriving home The frs.
thing done was to send for tho young
man, who soon appeared, somewhat
frightened at tho summons. From
bis dress and general appearance Of
decay, it was evident thut his citcum-
stances were not those Of vio!en! pros
pcrity. When he was brought 10
Mark bracOd up and tried to look dig
uifcd. This was about the dialogue
that cnSred'
Mark-SO, young man, you have
been in tho habit Of making q hotel Of
my house-with all the modern i'm
provCments. [Silcncc unbrOkcn by
young man. We'll, rs you don't offer
any objections we'll take that part Of
tho matter for granted. IfyOur Offeusc
had stopped at that point it would have
been alright, l an always glad to on.
tertutn cOmpany-yes, if you had men.
toned it I would have had tue house
rcfuruishcl for you. All that, and
more, would have done gladly for q
guest. But when you dignity and
pathosl sl-you ALLEVIATE tue affect tionS Of
Maria Jane, when you descend upon
this peaceful fold with base designs
like wolf in Sleeps ClOthing, as it
werc-that I cannot forgive"
Y. NJ. with humility)-1f you
please, sir, ! amt got no Sleeps cloth
ing.
Mark examining the fabric Of tho
youg mans coat)-Ah I perceive my
error it is cotton, not wool. How
ever, was speaking mctRphOrically.
As I intimated before, | cannot endure
the thought of having my home, which
unt;l vnur fell nresnnoe. had boon the