The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1877-12-13
WHOLE NO. 119

ton to tell you what to do. Ruthy
didn't want me to leave, but w. K.
will run things while am gone. w.
X. and | are the government. The
shallow-pated newspaper men talk
about Hayes policy. but confidential
ly, gentlemen, it is my policy. The
present state Of political affairs is
the result of my splendid strategy.
It equals my management of the Has
tings and Dakota railroad. .Ruthy.'
said |, to the president to demoralize
the enemy you must first demoralize
your own forces.--If you want your
enemy to kill himself, first cut YOUR
own throat, and then, under the con-
taglon OF example, he will cut his
throat. You see! AS long Ruthy,'
said [, 'as the Republicans present
solid front to the south so long will
the south remain solid; but set the
republicans 20 fighting each other and
then give the officesito the Democrats
and you will split them to thunder.
And it is working splendidly. We
havn't reliable republican state left
in the north to-day except Minnesota,
Massachusetts and Vermont, and
there isn't any republican party left
south of Mason and Dixons' line, out
side Of the penetentiary; and not it is
time for the work of disintegration to
begin in the Democracy. And w. X.
says so too.
''But Ruthy begins to get uneasy,
gentlemen. He isn't equal to the
emergency. It was a great mistake.
l ought to be in his place. He says
he can t see how you can build up your
own party by destroying it.
And then Tom Howes has been writ
ing him letters, stating that know
nothing about agriculture.
"Bill'' says Ruthy, to me the other
day, "Tom Howes says your farm in
Nininger is shocking looking piece
of property the fences are all
down, and that it is a disgrace for the
Commissioner of Agriculture of q
great nation to own such farm"
"Ruthy,' says "Iwill punch Tom
Howes' head, He don't know what
he is talking about. l keep my fences
down for purposes of ventilation.
You see the great German chemists
have demonstrated that the larger
part OF the crop is derived from the
atmosphere. Now you want the
land to get full supply of Oxy-
gen, hydrogen, carbon, ozone and the
triangulated extract of cosmic other,
to unite with the silica, the carbon
ates and the turpentineous and super
ciliovs elements of the soil. This
makes the crops. New lands are rich
because they havn't been fenced; old
lands are exhausted because they
haveybeen fenced. Ventilation my
dear Ruthy, is the great need Of ag-
ricnlture in this 10Th century. In
fact, may say, l need ventilation
myself
Ruthy seemed relieved. "But,' said he,
"Bill, this Tom Howes says you keep your
cattle half-starved;-that your cows look like
hat racks, and your horses won't cast >
shadow"
"Ruthy," said I, "see the ignorance of this
world | am developing . new breed Of
cattle and horses, a breed that will survive the
! full administration of your financial policy
That policy means starvation. Now when
the fat beeves have all perished in this land,
. shall lead forth my lean kline; stock, ,Ruthy
which even contraction cannot contract.
heir noble frames will survive as evidences
of what your wise financial policy has brought
q the people OF this country to: they will stand
your monument and mine for future ages tO
contemplate"
Ruthy grasped my hand tenderly and team
stood in his noble eyes.
"ons point more, BILL said he, this
same Tom Howes says that YOU imported .
jackass to breed mules from, and that when
the farmers bring their mares to him, to BE-
k miscegenated, the jackass contemplates them
). from distance in a platonic, philOsophic
not to say contemptuous manner, and then
:, turns tail and walks of, leaving them insult
u ed, and outraged in their feelings and h<
II says that man who will own such jackaal
as that isn't fit to be Commissioner Of Agri
4 culture of the United States.''
- "Now Ruthy," said /, 'look here! Wha
:. is your great theory, endorsed by Wall stree
I. and the whole circumcised world, is it mo-
ID that all thetroubles OF our country are causcl
by OVER PRoDUcTroN-over- production o
food, clothing, fuel, metals, mules ant
peopleg
= THAT jackass stands, Ruthy, as THE GRRAs
- TYPE or YOUR POLICY! He is opposed TO TIN
)r over production Of mules. For the good q
his country, knowing that am Commias
sioner of Agriculture, he foregoes the usna
sentiments Of q jackass. He is patriot. III
is fit to be Commissioner Of Agriculture him
- self!
"Instead OF being traduced by Tom Howes
IL II will punch Toms head y he ought to |,
brought to Washington and placed in from
Of the Treasury Department. 40 that ever
); could contemplate him.
Here Ruthy embraced me.
"Ruthy," said |, zone thing more. Civ
H. me full power and will soon put stop /
Y, this over production, which is the cure !
Ill our beloved country Say the word Ruthy
and. followed by troop Of assistants, arme
"A with sharp knives, will 90 out, through "a
: length and breadth Of this land, and''-
q Here there was an uproar at the door an
'd the General rushed out. The horses wer
le prancing and the General knocked down
ID driver and kicked footman and told In
n trnmPesers to repeat their chant little loude,
- and then strode back and renewed his speech
Whle from the outside came the hoarse cry
~ Whoever shall these boots displace,
y Must meet Bombastes face to face,
Sound! trumpcts sound"
T. lCONTINUED IN OUR NKxT.r