The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1877-12-20
WHOLE NO. $50

deyour the turkeys, but all great re-
forms need time and perseverance,
'sThat's absurd - said Charley
Baker.
sAbsnrb you - fool. Is it any
any more absurd than the Peoples
Party of Dakota county! Is not that
combination Of the Republican hog
and the Democratic turkey; here
streak OF pork and there a streak of
IoWl; there feathers and here bris-
ties; thing that grunts at one end
ana goDbles at the other; with
knoW-Nothing belly, Irish legs, an
English snout, Yankee wings and
Dutch tail, with you astride of it try
ing to ride into the stategsenate.
"Ihe TACT is you are all a pack Of
- fools, untitled to appreciate the
ratiocinations, of genius.''
With this the general kicked Char
ley Baker on the shins, upset the ia
BILE. and strobe to the door, and rode
off amid the clamor Of the band, the
blare of the trumpets, the cheers of
the multitude. and the intermittent
cry:
Shall meet Bombastes face to face.
Sound, trumpets, sound
The astonished convention drew
long breath of relief. and proceeded
to business, Charley rubbing his shins
and looking as if had just run for Of
fee.
Here mild-looking man, the editor
OF the Pennington Press, rose and
o. hot hn v,,I
would like to read to the convention;
they referred to a purely local matter,
but he thought they might interest
those present.
$50 on;-go n;"--cried the con-
vention.
The mild-looking man adjusted his
spectacles and proceeded to read as
follows:
The PerpIexed Editors.
HASTINGS LEGEND.
| Said Todd to Steb. the other day,
Each working in his several way,
| Todd at his desk all grace and hat,
| Steb. at the case all grease and Fat
Our occupations gone without
A politician to sell out;
And fortunes star has gone astray
Without patron to betray.
Our former stock in trade was only
Our forced relationship to Donnelly,
| This raised us DER the common mud
| This kept our noses DER the flood,
! This filled our pockets, lined our ribs
With little Washingtonian dribs;
Long as his star was / tn ascendent
We were both great and independent; :.
And, when he had no more to give,
We sold him out that we mighI live.
And thus we proved ourselves as shrewd as
Onr famous prototype, great Judas,
Who served his master well, no doubt,
But sold him when the purse gave.out.
For WI hats the value OF 4 friend,
4 II he's no profit in the end.
tbs thus the gentle cannibal
Devours his loved ones, flesh and ALL
But now, alas it grieves me sore,
Our opportunities seem Ger.
| There's Strait, no should our patron be-
Is led by that scamp Kennedy.9
Oh butlfor that without doubt
Ere this we might have sold him out;
And feathered each OF us our nest
BY giving him eternal rest.
"Then for Commissioner run
As Geld Dakotas favorite son.
But after something of fight,
Bill Marshall knocked me higher N a kite:
Neither my virtues nor my hat
: Avaied me in race like that,
: But even then I'd won the day,
If I'd had some one to betray.
I But the worst dose OF all to me
Is that pestiferous Donnellv
However fortunes iace may frown.
, Like Banquo's ghost he will not down.
! We doom him dead he will not die
We pile his grave with calumny,
, he rises with smiling face
, And KICKS us bowling from the place.
} What shall we do, dear Steb.. Isay.
To get up something that will nav,
To find patron to betray %
! Steb scratched his head. as oft before.
l He conned the question Ger and DER,
: Then answered, -"Why this grief and bother,
, The answers plain-LET's SELL EACH OTHER!
You run for ofice-I'll betray,-
:. Well share the swag and make it pay
J '.Ah that said Todd, ''twere vain to try.
: Though you might sell there's none would
buzz
: There is but one thing left to do,Y
I The times are hard-1et me sell you
1 To manufacture into glue.
G And TINS, dear Steb., your death would
!. bring
! Remembrance on its perfumed wing;
: And the delighted world would cry,
! There's Steb" as each strong fume passed by.
!; And cen old Nick, when You went below,
T Would hold his nose and bid vou 90
Out from his realm OF stencil and woe.
! The reading of this was accom-
K panied by great laughter and applause:
/ bnt it took a small boy to hold Todd
| and three men to hold Steb, during
f the delivery of it.
Just here the door flew open and in
]. rushed a little pea-green man. 4
t Wasned-Out little man, with a foxy
V beard, and startled yet gratified
5 expression on his face. very much
t IKE the look cat wears when caught
!. licking up the last Of the cream and
t he cried out:
J. Heres our Dan. gentlemen l
G autographed to him at Winona Here
he Is! He will tell you what to do !!
: What our Dan don't know, gentlemen,