West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1877-11-03
Mutual Confession.

Mr.. Thorpe is n middlc-agcd widowcr,
and some time ago he paid his addresses
to Mrs. Bolts, widow on the shady side
OF forty. Thorpe is rich, and after the
widow accepted him, he began to fear that
may be she had taken him for his money.
and so he concluded Ia test her to asccr.
tain IL she really loved him for himself
/ alone. 10 one evening when they were
sitting together in the parlor he said To
! her:
"llannah, Eve something unpleasant
/ to tell you, but am going to do il be
cause consider il right that YOU should
know IT, Hannah, what would YOU say
ii informed you that one Of my knee
pans is gone, and that have patent
hinge on that legY'
81 should say that care nothing for
that my dear; have only one toe on
my left foot. The others were frostbittcn
of, and the ankle is all twisted around
crooked"
You don't tell mc9" said Thorpc.
Well, but I've something worse than
that. might as well confess now that
the bald place on top of my head is not
really my scalp; I've been trcpanned.
i have n silver plated concern set into
my skull, II kind of skylight. You can
lift il up and sec down on the inside of
me-"
"rm glad you mentioned il dear"
said the widow, for il gives me courage
to tell you that | haven't hair of my
own on my head. I'm as bald as n chan
delier globe"
:" Is that 40? Graciousl never should
have expected il. But you will be sur
priscd to learn that none of my teeth are
natural, All false, and besides that
have to wear an lndia-rubbcr thingama-
gig on my palate To keep IL from drop
ping down"
am very sorry for you, John, but
it's some comfort that all my teeth arc
false too, and that am perfectly blind
in my right eye. 1t looks like n good
eye, but it absolutely amt worth
cent"
"Great Heavensl Why didn't you tell
me of this beforcp exclaimed Thorpe.
" But while we are on the subject, will
say further that have chronic torpidity
of the liver. How docs that strike your
"Oh, don't mind it," said Mrs. Bolts,
because have been bilious and dys-
peptic for twenty years; and besides |
am one rib short. IL was broken i'm
railroad accident, and the doctor had to
cut 1t out. I'm subject TO fits, too"
"Thisis horrible" " said Thorpe. "Mrs.
Bolts, think you ought 10 have men
toned these things 10 me when | pro-
posed to you. imagined that | was
addressing a woman, a complete human
creature. But what are you, Mrs. Botts2
Mrs. Bolts YOU appear to me To be
kind Of dilapidated old wreck, with
not mOrc'n half of the usual machinery
"A a Il fol
to pieces"
" i am no worse than you are. You
said yourself that you have trap door
in the top of your head, and gum
elastic palate"
Yes, but these things amt true"
said Thorpe. al only told you about
them to see if you really loved me. Pm
as sound as dollar; no inactive liver,
or silver plated skull, or anything. But
you seem 10 be kind of strung to-
gether, SOS if you should knock against
anything you'd scatter all around over
the carpet. | think you ought to let
me Off"
Very well, sir, so ] will. But let me
tell you that I've got nothing the matter
with me either. ] only invented those
stories to try you, because knew you
were playing n game over me. Now |
know you don't love me. You can go,
sir"
Hannah, take il all back. do
love you"
"Do you, really? Then I love you
more than"
But no; the curtain had better be
drawn right here. The cold and selfish
world has no business with such scenes
as this. They are to be consolidated
early next month.