West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1877-11-03
A Little Story for the Season.
Ipnnhnr, NcM..l

iuttlnE up stove IL not ~ dithCul
in itself Ii is the pipe that raises four
tlths of the mischief and all the dust
You may take down n stovc-pipe will
all the care i'm the world, and yet tina
pipe won't come together again rs il wa
before. You find this out when you ar,
standing on n chair with your arms full
of pipe and your mouth full Of SCOT
Your wife is standing on the floor i'm q
position that enables her To see you, the
| pipe and the chair, and she gives utter
ancc TO those remarks that are calcula.
tcp To hasten man into the extremes oi
insanity. Her dress is pinned over hei
! waist, and her hands rest ON her hips
She has got one of your hats on her
head, and your linen coat on her back,
| and pair of rubbers ON her feet. There
| is about five cents worth of pot-black on
her nose, and a lot of flour ON her chin,
and altogether she is spectacle that
would inspire dead man with distrust.
And while you are up there trying To
clrcumvcnt the awful contrariness of the
pipe, and telling that you know some
fool has been mixing IL, shc stands safely
on the floor and bo nbards you with such
domestic notices as whats tho use of
swearing sop You know no one has
NuNilNu lilll NlIlNs i Ou AIN EOl
any more patience than Il child" "Do
he careful of that chair" And then
she goes and reappcars with an armful
more of pipe, and before you are aware
of 1t she has got that pipe no horribly
mixed up that IL does seem no two
pieces are alike. You join the ends and
work them to fro, and to and fro again,
and then you take them apart and look
aY Il 4
jam the other together, and mount them
once more. But il is no 90. You begin
To think tho pieces are inspired with life,
and ache To kick them through the win
dow. But she doesn't lose her patience.
She goes around with that awful exas-
perating rigging on, with n length of
pipe under each arm, and a long-handlcd
broom in her hand, and says she don't
see how it is that some people never have
any trouble innputting up a stove; Then
you miss the hammer. You don't see il
anywhere. You stare into the pipe,
along the mantcl, and down the stove,
and off go the floor. Your wife watches
you, and is finally thoughtful enough to
inquire what you are looking after; and,
on learning, pulls the article from her
pocket Then you feel as if you could
feet square through n block of brick
buildings, but she merely observes:
Why on earth don't you speak when
you want anything, and not stare around
like a dummyW When that part of the
she keeps it up with the broom while
you are making the connection, and
starcs at il with intensity that is en-
oil fn A lao. Ia In
position is becoming more and more
interesting Yhe pipe don't go together,
of course. The SCOT shakes down into
your eyes and mouth, the sweat rolls
down your face and tickles your chin as
il drops of, and il seems as though your
arms were slowly but surely drawing out
of their sockets. Here your wife comes
TO the rescuc by inquiring if you are go
ing to be all day doing nothing, and If
you think her arms are made of cast
iron; and then the broom slips off the
pipe, and i'm her endcavOr to recover her
hold she jabs you under the chin with
the handle, and the pipe comes down on
yOurhead with its load of fried SCOT, and
then the chair tilts forward enough TO
discharge your feet, and you come down
on the wrong end of that chair with
force that would bankrupt pile-drver.
You don't touch that stove again. You
leave your wife examining the chair and
bemoaning it's injuries, and go into the
kitchen and wash your skinned and
bleeding hands with yellow soap. Then
you go down the street after n man TO
do the business, and your wife goes over
to a ncighbor's with her chair, and tells
them about the injuries, and drains the
neighborhood dry with it's sympathy
long before you get home.