The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1877-08-03

THIS is the latest form of wedding in
vitations : "Come around and see me
capture a mother-in-law at 8 o'clock
| sharp"
A business man in Trenton, n. J.,
| says that the women of that city own all
the real estate, and the husbands do all
the running in debt and beating their
bills. He announces that he will not
trust any husband without a written
order from his wife.
LITTLE BoY-'PleaseI l want the doctor
to come and see mother. Servant
Doctors out. Where do you come
from? Little boy" What Don't you
know me? Why, we deal with you. We
had baby from here last week !-Lond0n
Fan.
GALL IN THE DAYS WORK"-Gigan-
gantic FOotmaD Did you ring,
ma'm?" Tender-hearted and impulsive
Lady Yes. Thomas. You see this poor
kitten the children have found ? 1t is
motherless Get me some milk, Thorn
asl New like its mother!--and feed
it !"
THESE new fifty dollar gold coins are
too heavy to carry around conveniently.
When a fellow has forty or fifty of them
stuck around over his person, he feels as
soggy as an ammunition wagon, or like
truth crushed to earth. Help us green
backs, or we sink !-BralSCick Ne,cs.
ONLY three persons have life-passes on
the Hudson River Taiload. One is
John b. Jervis, the first engineer of the
road; another is his wife; and the third is
Gov. Kimball, of West Point. The
passes are made of solid silver, on which
is engraved the name of the holder, date
when given, and occupation.
WORLDLY WIsE.-First mother of
daughters: "Have you called on the
ChOlmOndely Joneses yet ?" Second
ditto: Yes, ! heard they were going
TO give ball, and so | called last Satur-
day" First ditto lin tone ofsuperiori-
ty): All I,heard that the ball was
not coming off, and so l didn't"-Punoh.
DEADwooD gambler TO correspondent
" am blackleg, and you know it ; but
| never take advantage of a mani mean
a miner working for a stake. Traders
and merchants are my game. If l can
bleed freighter do so without the least
compunctiOn. / never resort to violence
the knife. pistol, or black jack. While
would rather steal than receive the
money as a gift, | never leave a man
penniless."
WHEN that cultivated and intellectual
middle-aged person, Miss Mary Ann
Maxon, of Cambridge, Mass, had the
collar of her offensive little poodle in
scribcd "Tm Mary Ann MaxOn's dog;
whose dog are you?" she thought it was
rather clever joke on the casual citizen
who might encounter the pup aud in
vestigate his reason of being. She was
of that mind for several days. But one
morning the poodle howling as though
he was carrying all parts of Sirius in the
chorus OF the morning stars, and sudden,
as if fired out of a gun, shot into the
MaxOn presence, with his tail tucked
very close, and n business card tied on 10
his collar. Divining that some one had
set this poodle up in the carrier-dove
business, Miss MaXOn seized the missiye
and read "Turpentine is what aiis me;
what ails YOU? y
A LETTER from Bristol, r. l., to the
Boston Post, says: cit is here where the
beautiful sailboats, the swift steam
launches and the flying catamarans are
shaped for future triumphs. And the
outside world would scarcely believe me
when say that much Of the skill which
fashioned these swift-sailing craft, that
awake the admiration of competitors, is
the active train and willing hands of one
whose eyes are forever sealed to the
light of heaven, and who, since early
childhood, has ever looked upon the blue
water, where he loves to spend his leis-
ure hours. Strange that this sightlesss
man has a mind SO enlightened and
senses so acute that he can enter a lum-
ber-yard, pass his hands over the dead
wood, and occasionally Tapping it with
his lnuckles, his ear close to the object,
tell its imperfections more correctly than
many who having eyes, see not as this
man whom the world calls blind"