The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1877-03-16

WOodplle.
It was at a party, and another fellow
had marched of 'triumphantly with his
girl. "That's the way, said he, sadly; "it
ism t merit that WINS ia this world, It's brass
watch chains and paste diamonds and
moustaches" And he swallowed down his
Adams apple fully three times before it
would stay, sach was his grief.
A great many people have been driven
to the verge Of in6delity this winter by no
tici1g that the man who attends church
regularly three times on Sunday, keeps a
weeks supply Of kindlings split and piled
in the shed, and pays cash for his grocer
les, is just as apt to slip down on an icy
pavement as any body else.
Brigham Young's New Years calls were
confined to his own family, and he didn't
get entirely around until 5 o'clock 2 ~.
the next day.
It has been suggested that colored wait
ers are always provided with white crayats
in order that people may know where the
head begins.
Mrs. Stowe says we never know how
much we love until we try to unlove. To
man who has tried to quit smoking, this
needs no argument.
Washington's memory is kept green
on three cent postage stamp.
Boys will be boys-they can't be girls.
Love makes one hundred and thirty
pounds of girl no heavier than a feather in
young mans lap. But after they have
been married a year the same girl will
sometimes weigh ton.
Ifit we're not for experiments in science
nothing would ever be learned at least
this was the opinion Of the Newark man
who asked his wife to put her tongue to a
cold lamp-Post,
Mansfield Island, il Lake Erie, has
been bought BY man who intends to stoc <
il with black cats and kill them for theil
fur.
If boys were only half as patient in G
curing book knowledge as they are il
learning to skate, they would be perfec
Solons-but they would have very little
fun.
It is thought that the time will yet come
when members Of the choir will be expect
ed to behave during divine service just a:
well as other folks.
He was a well-meaning man, but the
had been married a long while, and whel
he playfully asked her what was next to ne
thing, she sareasticaily answered that a
this season Of the year she thought his vii
ter aannels were,
A young gentleman Of Kilkenny, NEE
ling handsome milkmaid, said, AWha
t will you take for yourself and your mill
g my dear?" The girl instantly repliee
! "Y Yourself and q gold ring, sir"
! A daring Brooklyn man who venture
to kiss Boston girl thus tersely depie
the resulting phenomena "She rose
sections rigid, awful, sublime-towere,
! Medusa-1ike-fxed her stony stars q n
g ment on nothingness, then teleseoped, co
lapsed, scooted, and | saw her no more
Mabel, who is being pat to bed by h
n aunt, after hearing delicious fairy stor
e that terminates in matrimony: @And d
r. they live perfectly happy ever after ?''-
If .'Yes." "Well, there are two things dres
a when / grow up aAnd what are the
I darling ?" 20, oneis having my ears bort
" and the other-is being married.
g 4 superannuated eoquette, who was 81
y pected of giving rein to her loquacity
. the purpose Of displaying q very fine set
teeth, once asked taciturn old lady VIII
III her estimation, constituted a good co
lie yersationalist; and the old lady snappish
y answered that, in her opinion, a good co
u observation-disclosures 4 person who could ta
s. without hetraying her dentist.