The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1877-10-12
4 LOST LIFE.
Memoir ofH Nan WHO 0,ed at Il. Yet
Never Lived al All.

Memoir of a Wan WHO Dsed at -. Vet
Never Lived al All.
a few weeks ago there was found dead
in his house at Dion, France, Paul Le-
grand, a man OF II. and Il well-known
character OF the city. Evidences of sui
eide. in the presence of a halfemptied
laudanum bottle, and q tumbler with the
dregs of dose OF poison in the bottom
were at hand, and on the table beside
them was the following most curious
mem0ir-a memoir which viii take its
place in the collection Of literary curiosi-
ties of the century, and by which the
author seems 10 have proved, very con
clusively for himself, at least, that dy-
ing at the age of Il, he had not really
lived at all
All suffering. pain, ennui, despair,
sorrow, desire and regret should be taken
from our lives, he writs- and then pro-
ceeds to deduct these experiences from
his own score Of years, and to foot up
the loss.
The whole memoir may perhaps be
explained by one Of the opening claues
At the ace of three years | vas
weaned, il says. Al six | spoke. but
badly; at seven years / cracked my shIll,
and at nine was cured. Therefore deduct
these nine years from my existence-for
it cannot be called life TO drink the sur
milk of the nurse, to speak incoherenly,
TO cIackone's skull.
At nine years began my studies
but having a hard head, in consequence
of my cracked skull, I was slow of instruc-
ton. Al the end of two years knew my
alphabet, but at what COST The etter
Z alone cost me ] 400 blows with ruler,
and the twentv-three others martyre1 me.
At twelve years / could read, it was
true, but my body was wealed with
those alphabetical scars.
.' They now endeavored T. te8cn i,'
Latin, aud [ forgot my French. y
fifteen years 7 knew absolutely nothing
at all, and in consequence of a bread
and-water diet was q mere skeleton.
therefore deduct, Tor my schOol-days, So
years more from my miserable life.
'Atfheen my father aPprerticed mt
as clerk to a notary. NOW commenced {
new species Of fmartyrdom rose at six
swept the Office, built the fire. and wa
kicked bv the head clerks, while my
father. in consequence of the complaint
made against me, deprived me OF my
dinner The five years | spent this way
/ deduct of what is left of my life.
d" At twenty years my father, disgusteC
with me. shipped me on a vessel q
Cherbourg. ] washed the forecastle
coiled the cables, climbed the masts
reefed the sails. and received az leas
thirty blows on the back with a marlin
spike each day. This lasted for fou
years, and at the end I had no back let
at all.
" At twenty-four years my father mad,
me mercer. and married me to the
daughter ofa turner. On the night O
the wedding / discovered that my wifi,
had a wooden leg, manufactured by hel
father The poor woman made me {
thousand excuses, and / pardOned hel
in consideration of her dewry of 10000
francs. invested in a mortgage on 8
Guadaloupe sugar plantation. But sOor
the negroes of Guadaloupe revolted and
burned my dcwry. Nothing was left
me but the wooden leg.
" At thirty years lost my wife of a
tumor on her good leg / bad passed the
six years of my married life repeating
every minute, What q fool I was 70
take that wooden leg I therefore de-
0utl IIt1c GAA tNiAo nun liAN-
'' Having. like all the world, spent n
third of my life in sleep, deduct twenty
four years more, which is less than a
just estimate, as | am greak sleeper.
cone year more lost, minute for
minute, in hunting for the key of my
secretary. which l always mislaid
Three years vanished by my making
such remarks as What time is it? Ii
is bad weather to day Pm tired, Mon
Deau! Mon Dieun etc, etc. Six months
spent in backing my boots, and six in
brushing my hat. One year lost in the
between acts at the theater. Another in
listening to new plays. 4 year again
in complaining of soups with too much
salt in them. OF overdone outlets, indi-
gestions, and hard eggs. Total then,
seventy-one years.
Il think, then. that in rendering up
my life to God, am not making him a
present of anything of much account"