The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1877-04-26
WIT AND HUMOR.


The best base ball catcher in the
country has outdone himself and caught
the small pox.
AN old style carpet Dagger: The man
who takes your carpet away to clean
and doesn't come back with it.
THk gentleman who was welded to
his own views is very tired of his part
ners, and most anxions 10 change them.
Funny Folks.
| A WESTERN editor publishes a poem
which ''was written by an esteemed
friend, who has lain in the grave many
years merely for his own amusement"
A "sEvEN-YEARs," whose father had
lost a limb in the war, on hearing that
all in heaven were perfect, asked, Ia,
when you die, will you have two legs!'
You can always detect bachelor by
the way he handles a baby; but to be
safe from loss il is well to use a borrowed
baby in making the experiment.-Rome
Sentinel,
/ The Christian Union says that il makes
a man purer and better TO cherish re-
! iected love. There is more fun, however,
in going off and making love to another
girl-N6r,cich Bulletin.
/ "HERE, James. take this key, rope
/ ladder and parachute, and show the gem
tleman up to 1852. Lunch at A. NJ,
sir, if you can't sleep. ."-Cmcinnati Com
mercidI.
"SEr here, wife, you indulge that boy
too much. He is a perfect mule" "Oh,
husband, please don't accuse our boy of
/ having an ass for father" The old man
was silenced.
! CAPT. BURNABY was asked by his
Turkconlan guide which an Englishman
loves best, his horse or his wife. But
the author answered automatically:
"That depends on the woman"
ODD you ever 90 to a military ball?'
asked lisping maid of an old veteran.
" No, my dear" growled the old soldier.
''In those days | had military ball
come to, me- And what do you think?
1t took my leg OFF,
A HOUSE in Bellaire, Ohio, has this
legend on the gatepost: Nineteen
agents have called here this morning;
we always shoot the twentieth" No
agent has touched the bellknob since the
placard was posted.
THE rash young man who gave tobacco
to the elephant last season will do well
to resist all temptations to crawl under
the canvas this year. The present would
seem to be fitting time to utter this
warning note.
"CHANGED your business, haven't
you, doctor?" asked a boarder of the
economical landlord. "No; why?" " Be-
cause from the grains in these grlddle
cakes | didn't know but you had gone
| into the hide and leather business"
A LADY correspondent of the Jounat
a4nelnro14t t~-olrc- -err snSe "fo"9'''.'
annovances that a newspaper man mas "
suffer.-LoreH Journal
| AN Illinois youth invested Sl;2o III a
! New York firm, to discover no" W
appear well in society" The answer ny
return mail was short, simple, anu easily
understood: always keep your nose
clean. and don't suck more than one HI
ger at time"
A1Ex1s listened patiently to the tele,
nbone Yesterday, and then said: Ana
ll;s ozzer machinery-zis vot you call
90 hv 70 sunshine-make by Meestah
Nedd;,-zis bluglas-him shall see go!.
They explained to him, and he 'ald his
dog might sit under it.--Grdph'c
f Dr., HOLLAND wants to know who
5 CON tell what a baby thinks wen,
/. what would DIR. Holland think himself
: ;f he had to wear clothes mile 700
{ iona for him. and have his back stuck
90 fnll of pins that there wasn't room on
4 Il for half a square inch of prickly neat
q -Globc- Dem.
A BOLD, bad man from Burlington
went up to Mediapolis the other day, ano
:, mt his head in at the door OF the chees'
d factory. "Has anything remarRapie,
curd here?' he asked. And theh .n
J. Girls creamed, and the men came ou
l. and drove him whey.-Ha'okeye.
10 SPORTING subj should like I
S have nv leave as soon as possible
3 Co,onel for I've Just heard that m
i'd fathers had a bad fall out hunting
Colonel-" Dear me! Pm sorry to hes
ne that I hope he's not hurt! y Sportin
,r cub" Oh. it isn't that!-only 1 want
,r- have his horse !"-Punch.
on THEY have bank in Deadwood' IL
hrs nov;no teller wears a red shirt, and 81
he with his boots up on the counter, ana g :,
President, when he lsn cutliiis vi
las coupons with bowie-knife, amuses III
nal sell with draw pohel "i'" -
ul- two in back room
'at- WHEN Mr.. Joughnes entered 81.
ey, and observed on the wall behind
'ey, counter the legend: off you don't
The what Won want, ask for 1t" ms
also quickly roved all over the ESTABLISHING
and not seeing what he wanted ne as
rom for it. The proprietor "couldn Sc see
the o;thar a m Jongbnes wanted five dollar
4 of Noyristo,cn Herald.
d Is Yo1T can get rid of a wart by steall
C.; ,;oca of nork and burying it under So
30 A horse chestnut carried III 'io
. g, pocket is equally effectiVe. vi -,
!. 49, 49, old piece of string aud rup mae'
os'r the Objectionable excrescence, rePea
boon in soft and appealing voice '3e ino
ooen ton: "Anamana monamlKe, DaiIe
an iona strike hare ware from back, HI
'e"ls baIico. we wo wack" The Waft
sher, nan;sb a Louis Globe Democrat.
Pief- Nahisii' '''' IT,,
rank SAYS the Norwich Bulletin: Inc
The nrincipled scientist who has dlsc0V
A the new variety of cockroach III 10
baye nrobablv would not have expended
ton tahor in such research if he had
- - heen in a newspaper office and seel
io,. e,s. of the old standard kind rise up,
80 Ii's the mucilage bottle, and enquire II
n;nrs ltn, were any new discoveries at Mycen'
gave KNOW a husband of extremel
,e the fined ideas, and wlthal little Je'
by who looks with surprise at the $
shoulders which his wife only, too
league ;nglv exhibits for general adm'r
owl owing M Looking at her thus, in full! undre re
,ectiye evening, he murmured, with niue
( Il. ~
stam- I new dress, 1 pay for full two I
more of the stuff; but l never
Nedart, There never is enough for the wal
Paris Letter.
PRovIDENT mind.-Mrs. Mu
hn Nor "Well, Mrs. Gubbins, / was just ag
whisper to you that our Mary Hal
SUMNER is to be married Tuesday week.
G.: Lawks, now an I'm glad
chdih' :. INV door though YOU must el