The Portland daily press., 1877-08-04

SAS
business. One can pick up a newspaper these
days with less certainty of his eyes falling on
THE Times's Vienna correspondent says" etc.
The New York Herald thinks General Pear
son ought to change his name to Goldsmith
Maid.
Broad Hint-An English traveller Ito
Irish porter labelling luggage: "Don't you
keep brush for that work, Porter?'' "Shure,
your honor, our tongues are the only instru-
ments we're allowed. But they're asy KEEP
wet. your honorr' (Aint taken.
LOGGER: Now look here, Mrs. Crumple I've
missed pound of tea, pot of jam and half
bottle of brandy. Now don't say it's the cat"
me, sirl should be the last to accuse anybody
leastwise unles 1t were the Colorado Beadle-
Funny Folks
When the German government sowed that
Cologne farm ten inches deep in tanbark, satu-
rated it with kerosene and fired it, the officials
supposed 1t would crisp the Colorado beetle:
but the second day they were shocked to see
him crawl out of the fire, climb up on the
fence, wipe the beaded Precipitation from his
brow and remark to the nearest official: ''Purty
hot for comfort, stranger but it is boss weather
for corn"
Chicago Jeurnal-'What are you doing
kicking the old clock all to pieces?" exclaimed
the wife. BLAMED if Pm going to have any :
thing around me that 'strikesp" yelled the
man, as he gave it final lift, into the street
An Atlanta girl Isat on her lovers hat and
kept him three hours over time. The next
time that young man goes to see his girl he
should hang his hat on a nail instead of hold
ing it in his lap.
Strike for your homes and your fresr'
comes ringing along down through the years
Ike an engine bell in q tunnel And the fire.
men struck for their fires and the Pennsylva-
mia militia "struck" for their homes.
A dry goods clerk told a man that gloves Ct
the "half-grown lemon" shade were appropri-
ate Tor young girls, sbecause they are re-
minder to your heart-smasher that the hands
they are on are not fit to squeeze yet"
Oh, horror! Surgeon-"Your pulse is still
very high, my friend. Did you get those
leeches all right I sent the day before yester.
day.? Patient-''Yes, cir. I got 'em RICH
enough. But mightn't have EN- billed mex
time, STRIP
Bric-a-brac 1.-THE latest Misrepresentation
old chairs)-First connoisseur: "Yes, not a bad
chair this; but have my misgivipgs about it.
Fac is-its almost comfortable" Second con-
noisseur: "Just 60. Now, this is a gem-a
Louis Quinze. Exquisite in design, superb in
workmanship, and defy you to sit In it."
tThey fall into mutual raptures over the treas.
ure.
A portrait of Pearson Pasha shows him to
be ferocious looking fellow, as one would
naturally expect. He looks like man who
would not hesitate to brave hundred deaths
for the sake of the public veal. No wonder
the Pittsburg rioters broke and fled in dismay
when he placed himself at the head OF the
Philadelphia troops and shouted, "Whers are
they? Gooroo! Let me at 'em! Bullud!
Let no guilty rioter escape! Die, cauaillep'
A Michigan farmer writes to the Faculty of
YALE "What are your terms for a wear?
And does 1T cost anything extra if my son
wants to learn to read and write as well as
row boat?'
The city editor of the New York Herald, the
other day. put his head into the local room and
exclaimed, "Ho. Patr' whereupon th.rty-six
of the reporters stopped writing the word "ho-
locaust" and said, "Yis sorp'