Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1877-03-23
An Hour al the Central Station Court.
From the Detroit Free Press

John Scofeld could remember of drinking
nineteen glasses OF lager, a glass OF whlskey
and another of punch. but vet he thought
his case didn't come under the head.of drunk
enness. lie had stretched out in the middle
of Woodward avenue for short nap, and
was trying to tit his back to q hole IN the
pavement when an officer came along and
suggested that such position didn't become
him.
''Do you own this town. inquired John
thraugh the darkness.
1he officer acknowledged that he didn't
own half OF it, but Insisted that the prison.
er get up. Prisoner insisted that he wouldn't.
Fight. True merit always wins. Prisoner
taken down peg or two. Also taken to the
station.
"Are you prepared to meet your doom y
inquired the court us he looked down upon
the man from Indiana.
Judge. don't lay up no grudge on me, "
replied the man. I'm fellow who has had
a heap OF trouble. I've been married four
times and I've just run away from my fourth
wife. I've had three good horses die OF bots.
losl two cows by pizen, and everybody and
everything seems to be down on me.
"Well, 1 don't see how it helped your case
any to get drunk, observed his honor.
at didn't help it any-of course it didn't,
but felt mean and low spirited, and | kind
er drlfted into it. I'm about gone up, Judge
I've got palpitation of heart, rheumatism,
fever ager, and lame back, and ] want to
get out i'll the country and peacefully e1-
pire."
You do. ehs"
Yes, do. I'll leave town and die under
some budding tree by the wayside, and l
don't ask for any gravestone or obituary no.
tice in the papers. I'm used up man, and
l want rest
IN let You go, said the court, after con-
sIderlng the case. Take one of the high
ways leading to the interior and make tracks.
If you should be picked up in town within
the next two weeks, you'd be put where the
price of strawberries wouldn't cause you q
single anxious thought
Judge, | believe you. You don't look
like man who says one thing and means
another. There is a resemblance between
you and an uncle of mine, and"
Don't wait here one second longer I' in
terrupted the court, and John hurried out.
WAITING FOR SAIL.
81 was looking around TO see if navigation
was open" observed James WEIGH, as he
stood before the desk.
The route to the house of correction is
always open" softly replied his honor.
81 don't want TO sail in that craft, judge.
didp' mean 10 get tight. and I'll tell you
how 1t WIS. | found bottle OF something
in n lumber yard up the river. | didn't
know what IL was and so ! tasted ii. 1t
tasted SO good that drank all of it"
at might have been poison-how did you
know" asked the court
II didn't know, your honor, and that's the
reason / tasted / thought it wouldn't be
rlght to leave any such thing around where
some innocent-hearted boy or some poor old
man might accidentally get hold Of 1t.
"Well, 1t turned out 20 be second class
wbiskey, didn't it.'
'No, sir, it turned ont to be the incest cat
sup you ever saw! If Ia only had slice of
cold meat I'd have been nicely fixed, but as
long as 4 didnl have any meat | made the
best of il.
do you pretend to say, began the court,
after long and painful pause, that catsup
intoxicated you,'
at must have been that Judge. Ii was in
that bottle. drank 1t, and this officer says
he found me drunk"
We'll, veil have a catsup law and catsup
decision. / send you up for thirty days.
81 think I'll appeal TO the supreme court, d"
said the prisoner.
"Very we'll I'll make warrant "A for ap-
and chalk your back with figure u to secure
front seat in a Black Maria.
The man wasn't at all satisfied but then,
this Is bad bad world, you know, and 1t
wasn't his lucky day.
'JEss so JUDGE"
When Mr.. Gardner was walked out it was
discovered that he was real nice. fat man,
with feet trile smaller than Bijah s, and a
bald head.
jess so, Judge he remarked, as be came
to a halt. Il own mp that was overcome for
the time being but then, it was the first time
in seventeen years. and you can afford to let
me off. -"
"You ought TO be ashamed to 90 stagger-
ing around when all Detroit is excited over
the temperance cause, said the court
jess so, JUDGE feel as if could sink
down through the iloor. This will be great
and lasting lesson to me"
The officer says you were very noisy"
jess so, Judge don't doubt his word in
least. When man gets about three-Iiith
intoxicated his great and earnest desire is to
yell about four times as loud as a whole tribe
of Indians. Now that you call my attention
20 it ] remember of thinking it was my duty
to yell so, Judge, Jess 30"
You ought TO set better example, Mr.
Gardner"
jess So ] feel that / had. judge, and
will. I'm commence this very hour to set a
good example.
You think you can keep sober after this
do you?'
ii know can. I'll do it if | have to
drink thirty gallons of ice water per day"
''Well, you eau go, and | hope you'll keeI
your word like a man"
81 will, judge. Good bye-jess So"