The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-09-27
EVERY DAY-SPICEKIEs.

EIEh1 UA1.SflCEhlESs
THE placard "selling at cost " is COM
mon enough. But at whose cost?
ONE of the greatest wonders of this
world is what becomes of all the smart
children.
NATURE regardful of the babbling race,
Planted no beard upon woman's face;
Not Rogers razors, though the very best,
Can shave chin that never is at rest.
AN Irishman, on seeing vessel very
heavily laden, and scarcely above the
waters edge, exclaimed, "UIon my
sowl, if the river was but little higher,
the ship would go to the bottom"
DETROIT Free Prees: Aimee will
erect monument to her late dog "Didi."
Perhaps, when this is done, there will be
public spirit enough aroused by it to
finish the monument to the lamented
Washington.
A CORNER grocery was burned in In
dependence, Mo-, the other day, and the
local paper states that the fire fend
shrieked in the lurid gale and tossed its
livid hair to meet the inky pail of the
bending heavens"
A HoBoKEN lady, in yawning, re-
Gently, put her jaw out of joint, and it
was two days before the doctor could
put it in its place again. Her husband
said he hadn't had such vacation be-
fore since he was married.
New YORK Graphic: How many mem
bers of the American Scientific Society
can tell how many spokes there are in a
buggy wheel, or the best time to clean
cellars, or can plug a leaking water-pipe,
or fix a smoking chimney?
" A DISTRESSED mother" writes to
newspaper for advice which she gets
thusly: "The only way to cure your
son Of staying out late o'nights is to
break his legs, or get the girl he runs af-
ter to do your housework."
AS cross word begets word that is
cross, so will kind one beget its own
likeness. If people only knew the power
they possess in being kind, how much
good would they achieve for themselves,
how much misery prevent for others!
SAYS the Chicago journal: I" An
Amateur poet writes to us to say that
there is no rhyme for the word scalp"
Nonsense, here's one:
"Oh, if e'er burly savage should lay hold upon my
scalp,
Pd hate
To part with it; you bet would-my heart would
-lRRa{e" Ra1e
"AND he struck one terrible blow,
Judge" said witness in a New York
Police Court. "Where did he strike
you" asked the Magistrate. "On the
corner of Fortieth Street and Third
Avenue, your Honor" Of course the
culprit got the full extent of the law.
BRIGHAM's tombstone, it is said, will
bear the simple but appropriate inscrip-
tion Our Husband. And years hence,
when all the Mrs. Young sleep beside
her husband, the row of headstones will
be mistaken, in the dim distance, for
an acre panel of board feEce, white
washed.
NoRRIsTowN Herald: A Chicago
fashionable clergyman has failed. Liza
bilities fifteen thousand dollars; assets;
twenty-five pairs of worked slippers, as
sorted sizes, thirteen dressing gowns,
thirty pen-wipers, two dozen fancy pin
cushions, nine watch pockets, and seven
cushions for easy chairs.
"LUcULLUs, wilt abstract, for me,
from their siliceous bivalvular environ
ment, the nutritious portion of two score
ostraceans, and place them before me
with proper condiments?" Lucullus,
being thus instructed, repairs to the
kitchen and remarks to the cook:
"Gimme forty raw with salt and
pepper"
THE SUNRISE NEVER FAILED US YET.
Upon the sadness of the sea,
The sunset broods regredully;
From the far, lonely spaces, slow
Withdraws the wistful afterglow.
scout of life the splendor dies;
| So darken all the happy skies;
ogathers twilight, cold and stern
But overhead the planets burn.
And up the east another day
| Shall chase the bitter dark away;
What though our eyes with tears be wet?
The sunrise never failed us yet!
BURLINGTON Haack-Eye: 1t is thought
that Brigham Y Young ought to have recOy-
cred from his cholera morbus, but when
it came to fighting with twenty-seven
women, each with different kind of
mustard plaster for her dear husband,
and a new kind of herb tea, it was too
much for him. Every woman laid her
plaster where there was room, and the
prophet went down to his grave like a
sandwich.
NoRRIsTowN Herald: DR.. Hans Won
Bulow, the pianist, says: "If l stop
practice for one day l notice it in my
playing, if I stop three days the public
notice it." 1t is different with the young
man who practices down the street. II
he stops for one day the whole neighbor.
hood notices it, and feel like paying
him five hundred dollars never to begin
again. If he doesn't stop for two days
the neighbors ask the police to notice il
as nuisance; and if he doesn't stop fol
three days, they get down their shot
guns and go cunning for him.
New YORK World: There is one dis
gusted man in New York, an honest
tradesman to whom a friend observed
pleasantly, "Well, the Boss has men
toned your name to-day, I see." The
indignant honest tradesman at onct
wrote to all the papers that whatever
Mr.. Tweed had written about him wa
maliciously false. Then he investigated
the subject further and found that wha1
Mr.. Tweed had said was that this par
ticular honest tradesman was not con
cerned in the frauds at all. Moral
Look before you squeak.
TREASURER DUBUCLET, of Louisiana
, claims to have on his plantation poo
old slave named Nelson Jordan, aget
one hundred and sixteen, who has beer
, in the family seventy-six years. III
was raised in Virginia, where, he says
, he had boarded up nearly $4,000 in coil
j, and bills before he was sold. Now h,
, has laid up $500, raises three acres o
t corn, besides attending to gardel
5 patch and doing light chores, and catch
) ing supply of drift-wood in the river
|, He further mends his own clothes.
} In Maine they blow outthe contents o
eggs and fill the shells with whisky
, The eggs they sell for a dollar and a hal
dozen.