The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-11-17
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
have at dinner party-particularly if there is
only enough to go around comfortably for
tuelVe.- Philadelphia Bulletin.
An ExPERINEST-If you want to find how
early boy can get up, give him ticket to go
down the harbor He will walk five miles to
take the sunrise boat and make it a long day.
Freaks of Fashion: How to be Ia mode
The ecomplexion-undisguised disguised square
corsages-openly cut to the heart; ball dresses
barely decent skirts-tied back with effron-
tery.-PuHch.
During cholera time a Glasgow joiner was
asked by a lady, who was employing him at
some household work, whether he would have
class OF whisky now wait till he had finished
the Job. s. I'll be takin' the glass moo, mem"
SAID the artisan, So for there's been power of
sudden deaths lately
A shipwrecked Irish sailor was narrating how
ne and his companions had hoated about at sea
for twenty days in an open boat. '' And what
did you do for food, Pat, when the provisions
gave out2'' asked a bystander. Shure, and
we dined on one OF tn officers Twas the first
mate we'd had in a fortnight was the reply
NeD York Weekly.
Teutonic gentleman entered drug store,
with a handful Of currency, and asked a rather
green clerk in attendance if he had I" fife tollar
pill ?' wishing to change his small notes for
bill of that denomination. The clerk looked at
the Dutchman with bulging eyes, and replied
that the highest priced pills in the store were
only two dollars q box.-NOrTistOICn Herald.
We had intended taking little vacation this
Summer, but on inquiry learned that We didn't
own enough property by some S680,00 to have
he hay fever, and that nobody was considered
anybody that didn't have it. However, we have
managed to get in debt $3.50 since then, and
A.. - - Al II,
holds out.-BurLingtOn Hdickeye.
College sophomore and belle of the ball He
II cannot survive your heartlessness 1 shall
60 down to an early grave a lonely, broken
hearted man. l ask of you only this token of
your remembrance When | am dead, plant
something green over me. She-So L will, the
very greenest thing can find.
PRoFASITY.-Cowper was an English poet
He wrote beautiful hymns. He wrote some lines,
also, about swearing, which it would be worth
while for every body in the land to learn
a 1t chills my blood to hear the blest Supreme,
Rudely appealed to on each trifing theme
Maintain your rank, vulgarity despise;
To swear is neither brave, polite, nor wise"
Unterrifed Frontiersman-" What handy
legged old rooster is that climbing them stairs?''
Reporter That's one of our respected citi-
zens, and member of the grand jury.
Frontersman-'s You don't say SO Come
to look at him closer, he is eligant gentleman,
by Jimminy! l have great veneration for
grand juries. Out in my country | have been
brennan of for the past ten years. Grand juries
are terror for 4 criminal element, they are.''
Deacon Rathfel asked his family physician last
week: 50 Doctor, you have had such an extended
Experience at death-beds, and have seen so MANY
people go hence, that would like to ask you
what class are most resigned, and die the hap
piest?' The aged man cleared his throat and
mid {" Well, Deacon, l have not seen 60 very
many deaths, but SO far as l have been able to
earn, the people who die the happiest those
who are hanged
Ing by the fate of your friend o Shaughnessy.
Only three nights ago he came home much
soberer than you are, but In attempting to blow
out candle his breath took fire and he exploded
blew up-so that his friends in three days
have not been able to scrape enough OF him to-
gether to hold wake over" An do We
mane to tell me that he bust up!" said Tim.
q Indeed do, upon my honor" replied the doc
cor. I" Biddy'' said Tim, {" get me the Bible,
Biddy got the Bible, and then Tim knelt down
hnd said: '' sware by the blissid Vargin-ye
replied the doctor. Sc Then" replied Tim, g
sware by the blissid Vargin an the Most High,
niver to blow out a candle while I'm drunk
again
A young man of Tenne ssee searching for the
place in life to fit his Frame writes to Western
PAPER " have been teaching school ever since
i quit school about year ago, but do not
IKE 1t. 1t is time l had chosen profession. and
think would rather be an editor than any,
hing else, for like ease and comfort and plenty
OF money and do not like to work To be an
editor, to sit in an elegant sanctum with moth
lng to do but write when l felt like it, to have
plenty of money and 60 when and where please
Tree of cost, and lead the editor's quiet life of
ease, without care or trouble of any sort, is the
height OF my ambition Why didn't he ask
for place in a tread-milI? Ali what he would
have TO do would be to stand in a nice, cool
place and move his feet once in SO often, with
plenty OF opportunity to smoke. read, talk or
watch his eighbors.-BoStOn Advertiser.
female Justice of the Peace in Wvomin.
territory was obliged to hear an aduItery case
e which her husband filed the unenyiabIe nos;-
Aon OF defendant. She sentenced him t6 T.
hanged by the neck until he was dead on6 20
sn1ious to have the sentence carried into effect
at once, until the attorneys explained to her that
ene was sitting simply as an examination Conrt
She then held him in bonds of Sl8 900 OOO to
await the action of the Grand jury. and soiS
she would shoot the first man full Of holes tbot
attempted to raise the sureties Before voun,
mems debating societies use this information as
pa argument against female suffrage, they will
po well to consider just how some male monster
you'd have felt like acting under similar cirnnm-