The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-01-27


The telegraph reporter at Memphis must have
been sucking republican crooked whisky. JAN
18th he sends dispatch from that city to the
northern press that "during the storm yester'
day fall Of snakes occurred in the southern
part of the city, thousands Of which can be seen
today, from foot to Is inches in length"
A recent archaeological letter begins What
English tourist in Northern Italy is unacquaint-
ed with BolognaY By which we see that the
spread of the sausage is slow but sure.
We find the following in collection of old
English epigrams:
g. would" said Fox. "a tax devise
That shall not fall on me"
"Then tax receipts" Lord North replies,
For those you never see.'
Atraveler, reading the inscription affixed to the
gates of Bandon "a town in Ireland originally
peopled by English Protestantst-
Jew, Turk, or Atheist enter here,
But let no Papist dare appear,
wrote the following smart reply underneath:
He who wrote this wrote it well;
The same is written on the gates OF hell.
Audiences are getting to be very critical and
e1acting over in Indiana An itenerant com
pany which had been playing the sacred drama
Of Daniel" over there had to disband week
ago under the following circumstances:
During the ntermission Daniel and Belshdzzar
stepped out to get drink, and one Of the Chsl.
deans followed and wanted to bet that Louisi-
ana had gone Democratic. A discussion ensued
and when the curtain rang up the Chaldean was
unable to see out Of one eye, and Belshdzzar
dropped out four front teeth in merely saying
A.. ..NlT h.
ground that their appearance was not his
torically accurate, and demanded their money
back.
Watseka Times: There is one individual whom
the red nosed Watseka leafer envles with an in.
tense yearning, and that unfortunate being is
the bartender OF the prosperous saloon. We
know many man who would rather keep bar
than be president OF returning board.
There's old John Bull who rules across the sea
And Ole Bull who plays upon the fiddle;
And stock. job Bull. who solves the stock job
riddle;
And with the Bulls of various kinds
We're wondering and supposing
Which one Of all these different Bulls
Is father OF Buldozing."
Almost any one can discover the soul OF the
following gospel wit BY Josh. Billings: Trying
u liv on the reputashun Nv ded grandfather
IL just about az enterprizing az trying to hatch
out rottun eggz under a tin wether-cock.
Washington rumor says that Grace Green God
talks OF securing divorce from her husband
Mr.. Lippncott, lately clerk in the Patent or.
fee, where he was daily prosecuted by being re.
ferred to by other clerks as Mr.. Grace Green.
wood"
He was well-meaning man, but they had
been married long while, and when he playful.
ly asked her what was next to nothing, she sar.
castically answered that at this season OF the
year she thought his winter fannels were.
The Brooklyn Young Mems Ksthetic Club are
discussing the question, "What can one poor
weak woman, with club, do against tyranical
husband who crawls under the bed and refuses
10 come out"
Poor Mary Walker Vests were vain
And trousers gave her tormcnts:
SO Mary had a little am
Biguity OF garments
The oratorio Of Esther" was to be sung in a
Connecticut town. The man who was cast for
Hegdi found that on the bills the name was print.
cd Hogd, which was so much like hog eye"
and refused 10 appear.
Occasionally, when cream is scarce, il be.
comes necessary TO I'LL out with little milk, and
we never saw any thinner than the following:
An Aurora man sent his boy down town with
a pair OF boots, giving him instructions To have
them hall-soled. Shortly the boy returned with
one boot and dime. The pair OF boots vert
half sold.-AurOrd Ne,rs
Worcester (Mass.) Press Ind. J." What con
stitutes a State:" asks an exchange. We shoulC
say that one white man and two negroes, digni
lied by the title OF returning board and backet
by Federal bayonets, constitute State, accord
ing TO the modern acceptance of the term.
There is mock mourning in Massachusetts,. /
is the voice OF the Post weeping Tor its Bout
well, and refusing 10 be comforted because he /.
not:
" Put away the bloody garment
That our George used To wear,
After halia-dozeA ballots
lie has climbed the golden stair
done through the hole in the sky
There is very fine whistlng in the Tempt,
Church on Sundays, says the London World. 4
legal gentleman, known for his tuneful pipe al
over England, "obl;gesn regularly, by way O
accompaniment TO the choir. The elect Is sal,
to be very sweet and pleasing. II would be
good thing TO give some formal sanction to thi
practice in the next revision Of the Prayer Boo,
" Then shall be said, or sung, or whistled," &c.
The good Berkshire deacon had ideas abou
praper that would bave bothered Tyndall. Beini
requested u give his prayer in behalf Of a poo
man with large family, who had broken hi
leg, " can't stop now TO pray" said the deacon
who was picking and barrelIng his early apple
for the city market; but yoG can 20 down int,
my cellar and get some eorned beef, salt pOrl
potatoes, and butter-that's the best can do.
The Nsperville Clarion ssys: AT there is I
se smother war, We hope the overland route {
snS America VIII be kept clear from snow.
Sou's9 you crawl Under the bed, Dsvid'-At