The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1877-02-14
Hygienio Pumping.

The Philadelphia Bulletin publishes
the following, which i Interesting;
They are both in the midst,0f q big
lawsuit in neighbaihg village be-
tween DR.. Smier anafhe rest Of the
population Of the town. The doctor,
( it seems, had large tauk placed on
the top Of his house, from which to
supply his bathroom, and so forth,
With water The water had to be
pumped up about 80 ltet from tho els
( tern in the yard, and the doctor found
4 it to be a pretty good sized job, which
4 would cause him constant expense.
So, after thinking the matter over
carefully, one day, an idea struck him.
He built a room over the cistern and
put the word "Sauitarium" over the /
door. Then he concealed the pump /
machinery beneath the floor, and he
rigged up a kind Of complicated ap- |
paratus with handles and hinges and a
crank, 50 that man by standing in /
tho middle Of the machine and pull 4
ing the handle up and down, would
operate that pui1p
Then the doctor got 1ut circulars
and published advertisements about
, "Smiler's Patent Health Life" and
he secured testimonials from ! 600 or
, so people, who agreed that the health
lift was the only hope for the physi-
cal salvation Of tho human race.
Pretty soon people began to call to
see about it, and Smiler would rush
; them out to the "Sanitarium" and set
them to Jerking the handles. And
when customer had pumped up 90
gallons or so Smiler would charge
a quarter, and tell him that three
months of that kind Of things would
give him muscles like a prize-figh:er.
And he weuld push the project
among his patients. If man was
bilious er had the toothache, or was
afflicted with rheumatism, or Group,
or measles, or yellow fever, or cholera
morbus, Smiler would turn him III ut
the health life and get a quarter each
time. The thing became SO popular
that he had to enlarge lis tank and
put n a smaller pump, and he not
"A only got all his pumping done for
nothing, but the people who did 1T
,g paid him about 81 800 year for the
privilege. 1t began to look like an
20 uncommonly soft thing, and every
lg body was contented and happy.
g, One day, however, old Mr. Magin
q, mis-, who had bsen practicing at the
health life every day for months in
40 order to cure him of indigestion
co iammed the handles down Il little toe
40 hard, and broke the boardupon whicl
so he was standing, AS the board gave
90 way it plunged Mr. Maginnis into th'
cistern, and Just as he was sinking fol
90 the third time, Sniler fshed him on
60 With a crooked nail in the end Of {
90 clothes prop. As soon as the waite
so was drained out Of him, Maginni
said:
90 81 didn't know you had cisteri
under that foor. What did you d.
o0 that for?"
90 "Why, to keep the air moist. It
at healthier than dry, sir"
nd "It looked to me as if there wa
riu rel some kind of pump under there"
" '"Oh no." said Smiler, 'those ar
of only the levers Of the lift"
,s "Mighty queer" said Maginni
thoughtfully. 'lf that isn't pumI
then | don't know one when see it.
So few days later Maginnis cam
eI around, with q lot Of other patient
50 and found the doctor out. They d
IS termined to investigate They pulle
2S 2S up a couple of boards and ascertainc
90 the facts about the pump Then The
81 cross examined Smiler's servant gil
I 90 90 and learned about the truth, and the
60 went home mad. A consultation W
90 held, atwhich every bilious AMI rhe
! so so matte individual who had been wor
So ing the doctors pump used viole
l 90 language, and talked about murd
40 and sudden DEATH Finally they !
6 l6 solved to prosecute Smier for dam
. 90 ges aud. for obtaining money under lal
pretenses. 1t is thought by good jude
g. that by the time the court gets throu
with Smlor that it will be about t
3 II unhealthiest lift for him he was Oy