Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1877-12-20
Jssh Billings to the Girls.
Dear girls, are you in search Of
husband2

husband?
That is . punper, and you are not
requested to say Yes out loud, but are
expekted 70 thro yure eyes down onto
the earth rs tho you was looking for q
pin, and reply to the interrogatory with
kind Of drxoliu sigh.
Not to press 80 tender theme until
1t bekums Q thorn in the flesh, We will
presume (tew AVOID argument) that
you are on the lookout for something
in the male line. Lst me give you
some small chunks ov advice to spot
your future husbsnd:
1. The man who is jellus ov every
little atteushun. which you got from
some other fellow w will find after
va are married to him he luvs himself
N irs than he dug yu, and what you
tDistOOk for s0lissotude, you will dis
cover has changed to indifference.
Jellaey isn't heart disease, Il Is o
liver kOinplaint.
2. A mustssh is not Indispensable; Il
is only q littIe more hair, and is
much like mos and other exercise noes
-.Often dog the beSt on sile that wOn't
raise anything else. Don't forget that
tho8e things which you admire in .
fellow beiore marriage, you will proc
ably In q husband after, and uustash
Will get 20 be very weak diet after q
long time.
as Irish coOks are, two thirds Of them
would probably be returned; but ther
don't seem to be any law foT this.
Therefore, girls, yu will see that after
yu git man yu bev tew keep him,
even II you lose on him: Consequent
~, If yu have got emmy kuld vitiles 10
the house. try him ON them oace in
while during securing season, and, II
he swallsrs tAeu. srell and sez he will
take sum more, he iz man who, when
blue Monday cums, will wash well.
4. Don't marry teller who b aiwux
tellin how biz mother dos things. il
IL too hard to wean < young one.
s. II young man can beat yu play.
Ing on pisnnsr, and kant hear fish
horn playing on the street without
turning summerset on account of the
musick that IL 10 hiIn, say to leave
him; he might answer to tend babe,
and II you Set him h0eing 0ut the gar.
den, yu will find yu have got to do II
yourself. A man whose whole heft
lies In musick (and not too hefty ut
thatl, amt no bitter than Z seedlitx
powder; but II he luvs to listen while
yu sing sum gentle ballad yu will lind
him mellow Snd not soft. But don't
Mavry anybody for just one virtew
emmy quicker than yu would fOp q
man for jist one fault.
6. II u one ov the most fufEest things
for q female to be an old mnid success.
fully. Agreat many has tried Il, and
had = hard time. Everybody seems
to look upon old maids jist as they do
upon dried herbs IN the garret-handy
for sickness-and therefore; Il aint q
mistake that yu shud be willing to
sw0p yourself OF with some true
hearted feli0w for u husband. The swop
IL . good one; bat don't swop fer any
man who IL respektabla jist because
his father IL. You had better be an
old maid for four Thousand years and
then join the Shakers, than to buy re-
pentance at this price. No woman
ever made this trade who didn't get
either phoOl, mean cuss, or Q clown
for . husband.
z. In digging dawn into this subject,
hnd the diggin. goes harder the fur
ther git. II Is much easier to inform
you who not to take, fer the reason
there IL more Of them.
don't think you'll foller my advice,
II give II; and, therefore, / will keep
II. for ie0k upon advice as do upon
castor ile-a mesa dose to give and q
mean dose to take. But must say
one thing, girls, or spile. Ii you can
fnd bright eyed, well bsllusted boy,
who looks upon poverty AZ ssssy rs =
child looks upon wsslth-who hsd
rather sit down on the curbstone In
front Of the Fifth Avenue Hotel. and
eat ham sandwich, tLan 60 inside
and run In debt for his dinner and
toothpick-snd who Is a man with
that sOrt of pluck that mistakes de-
feat for victory, my advice is to take
him body and s0ul-snare him at onst
for he 10 stray trout, Q breed very
ska1e In our waters.
fske him, sey, and bid onto him
as hornets bid on tree.