The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-09-22
NUMBER %.
PASSING SMILES.

"By proxy Ipny, and by proxy vote"
i A graceiess peer said to a churchman of note;
| who answered, "My lord, then venture TO say,
You'll TO heaven ascend In similar way"
AN Iowa Justice refused to fine man
for kissing girl against her consent.
He thought she ought to have con-
sented.
New York Herald: When a man is
making love to widow he always feels
as If he had to begin where the other fell
low lcf! or
THE smell of the violet lasts as long as
the smell of the rose; and so, perhaps,
the blessing of the poor rises as high as
the blessing of the rich.
A LONDON dispatch says "The con-
dition of Mysore continues very criti-
| cal" As the telegram is not signed.
it's impossible to say whose sore is re-
ferred to- ls NA
ALEXANDER III. STEPHENS having
been selected as the orator of the day for
the next Fourth of July at Macon, Ga.
has begun the delivery of his speech
now, in order to get through in time for
the display Of fireworks.
WHEN boat runs her on a bar ~
| With force enough almost 70 crack her,
While The rest rest Of the crew crew Try 10 back her.
And II she won't back they just let her stick,
| And wait TIL there's more winter thur"
And they take mtheir "nips' from little brown
Cause They can't take drink at the bars9a9
--Itunspiiic Courier
A LINEAL descendent Of the great Sir
Francis Drake is keeping q boarding
house in DcnnisoIl, Texas. The lady has
| in her possession diamond nee-buckle
worn by Sir Francis, which is valued at
nearly two thousand dollars.
THE London gorilla has been taught to
speak few words, the papers say. Prob
ably he burst out with, With what
wierd and marvellous mechanism are we
constructed How curious it is to re-
fleet that 100000, 900 wave lengths OF
light impinge upon the retina in single
second OF time" 9t
CLEVELAND Plain Dealer: The Rus
sian army is very scansily supplied with
bands, the men marching to the music
of their own songs. We should think
that when n man has been compelled to
listen to u Russian song he would want
to fight somebody, il he had to walk five
hundred miles to find inc man.
"WHY don't you speak distinctly"
cried a passenger to brakeman VINO
announced the names OF stations IN an
utterly unintelligible manncr;"I can't
understand a word you say" I" What's
that to meY responded the brakeman.
You don't expect to have fine, clear
tenor Mt thirty dollars a month, do
your ia Is aAf'i ytaat 81
DID it occur 10 you,' said he, timidly
leaning around the door-post, " that q
steam engine and trained clam are not
wholly unlikeY' Mingled with the
racket produced by an Office chair vio-
lently hurled after his vanishing form,
came certain confused sounds which re-
sembled--" Because, you see, they are
both controlled bivalves." ie s
Ir cannot be that our life is n bubble,
cast up by the ocean Of eternity, to float
moment upon its waves and then sink
into darkness and nothingness; else why
isit than mans high and glorious aspira-
tons are forever wandering around I'M
satisfied, like hungry goat, until ne has
mother-in-law, boils, corris, and
mortgage on his house and lot? hwe
CHICAGO Times: The telephone may
be we'll enough as amusical dissemination,
but what the country needs is the in
yention Of some sort Of musical conduc-
tor which may be applied to hand
organs and tin-pan pianos in such q
manner as to conduct the /" music "
noisclessly- off, and dump it into some
ut Of the way place, where II VIII not
oecome offensive. tsis's7s' ~
x,y..s II. 4 r,t....,..o. $3.50, sts,a6i i,