West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1877-09-29
Miss Wilson's Leg.


Narounlan IN the country would have
joined in The search for il. Unfortu-
natcly, her loss was an irrevocablc one.
Having unintcntionally inserted her leg
under the wheel of hcavily-loaded
wagon, she found that the once shapely
limb was so completely ruined that She
consented 60 have it cut off and thrown
away. Its place was in time supplied
with cork leg, and Miss Wilson sorrow
fully resigned herself to limping
through loveless life to solitary
grave.
There never has been any active de-
mand for women with wooden legs. A
man with wooden leg suffers certain
amount of Inconvenience, but he loses
nothing in character or popularity,
whereas woodcn-legged woman is,
whether justly or unjustly, under II
social ban. I'm fact, for woman to lose
leg is ordinarily to lose all hope of
marriage. A man who is about To
marry cannot bc blamed for prelcrring u
whole wife to one partially made of
cork-espccially us the former costs no
more than the latter. A superficial
thinker might, perhaps, fancy that n
husband whose wife had but one original
leg would save fifty per cent, in the price
of striped stockings and kid shoes but
n little reflection will show that a cork
leg requires Just as much clothing as the
usual style of leg, and hence il is not an
economical Contrivancc. OF course, il is
mean and selfish i'm Il man to permit the
presence or absence of mere trifle of a
leg to effect his feelings toward nm
estimable woman; but human nature is
Ia, L., Ill 4.
could calmly look forward 10 marrying n
woman who might some morning inter
rupt him while shaving by asking,
" James, would you mind handing me my
leg? | think you'll find it behind that
rocking-chair.'
1t is alleged by MissWilsons ncighbors
that as she grew older she grew hard and
cynical. This was, perhaps, TO have been
expected. She saw herself ignored by
all marrying men, while girls with half
her beauty, and whose sole superiority
consisted in large number of legs, cap
tured husbands without difficulty.
Gradually she became embittered against
her bipedal fellow-creatures, and the
local Baptist minister was probably right
when he characterized her as n hard
hearted, worldly woman. One day.
however, Miss Wilson attended camp
meeting and was softened by the elo-
quence of the preacher and the shouts of
the worshipers, and soon after Pinevillc
was surprised and pleased by the an
nouncement that on next Sunday Sister
Wilson would be baptized
Now, the public performance Of the
rite of baptism by Rev. Mr.. Waters, of
the Pincvillc Scventh-Day Baptist
Church, always drew n large audience.
That powerful and agile preacher was
admitted TO be without rival as a rapid
and effective baptizer. On one occasion,
when Presbyterian minister preached
against baptism by immersion and showed
that st. John the Baptist had once bap-
tized Il multitude of persons at the rate
of two men and a half per minute, and
that hence he could not have immersed
them, Mr.. Walters publicly baptized
twenty-five persons in eight minutes, thus
beating st. Johns best time by two full
minutes and completely oycrthrowing
the Presbyterian's argument. With all
this unequaled rapidity of execution, he
was never careless or inconsiderate.
There was rival Baptist minister in the
next county who would sometimes be-
come carried away bv his emotions, and
would sing an entire verse Of long
meter hymn while holding convert un-
der water although n stalwart teamster
who was thus treated once fell from
grace, and upsetting his minister in the
water held him under till he was nearly
drowned, the reverend enthusiast was
not cured of his careless habits. When,
therefore, Miss Wilson consented TO be
baptized by the Pineville minister, she
knew that she would be treated in con
siderate and skillful manner; and the
public knew that the spectacle would be
worth witnessing.
10 is very easy TO say, now that the af.
fair is over, that Miss Wilson ought Ia
have left her cork leg at home. In that
case, however, she would have been
compelled either TO limp TO the water ON
crutches or TO be carried thither by
self-sacrificing dcacons Moreover, her
appearance III public without her Gus
tOmary leg would have excited a great
deal Of remark, which would not only
have shocked her sensitive feelings but
would have detracted from the sOlemnity
Of the scene. When, in addition 10 these
facts, we remember that she was n woman
residingina country town 10 which cham
pagne baskets rarely penetrated, and wa,
hence presumably ignorant Of the
scientific fact that cork is light ano
buoyant, her neglect 30 remove her cori
leg prior TO baptism seems entirely ex
cusable.
So long as the water was only two feet
deep, Miss Wilson, who weighed fully
two hundred pounds, managed 10 wadc
toward the minister, but soon as the lat
ter took her hand and led her into deeper
water the cork asserted It's buOyancy anC
Miss Wilson was suddcnlyreversed. Tn,
minister, with much difficulty, placcC
l,er on her feet again, and rather surily
requesting her not to do that again. be-
gan 10 make "a brief and formal address
Before ne had spoken ten words, Miss
Wilson, with n wild shrek. fell back
ward, and her cork leg shot swiftly
upon the surface Perhaps this is the
point where n veil should be dropped
To finish the narrative in as few words 20.
possible, IL may be said that after half q
dozen futile efforts the attempt to bap
tize Miss Wilson was abandoned. With
all his skill and strength, the minister
could not counterfeit the effect Of the
cork leg, and could not keep the convert
right side up long enough to baptizC
her. She bore IL with patience until the
minister called for q ffty-six pound
weight, with n view 10 ballasting her
when she Indignantly scrambled ashore
hastencd home, and subsequently joined
the Presbytcrians.