The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-08-16
PASSING SlfZLES.

IF you think you are too tall, marry
| an extravagant woman, and you will
soon find yourself short enough.
Iowa is one of the greatest States in
| the country for lead, and more ten cent
pieces are taken up in church collections
there than any place in the Union.
WHILE Dcmosthenes placed pebbles in
his mouth to beautify and ornament his
elocution, our modern orators are con-
tent to fall back on the sustenance and
inspiration of quid of tobacco.
In these colicky times when green
fruit generally is fulfilling its destiny,
we see among the small boys many
melancholy corroboratiOns of the fact
that " by the apple, death came into the
world"
A PLYMOUTH (Pa.) man recently re-
ceived letter commencing as follows:
"Dear sir, it is with the greatest pleas
ure that | take my pen in hand to let
you know that l can't pay you that
money now"
STEPS leading from the Laurel House.
Catskill, to the bottom of the Kauterskill
Falls are said to be twenty thousand five
hundred and eight in number This
statement is made by the gentleman who
fell down them last Summer.
Poor economy-to buy ten cent file,
and spend two hours in milling the edge
of twenty cent piece to make quarter
of it.-BOstOn Post. You forget the
pleasure some fellows take in lodging
honest labor.-Cmcinndti Commercial.
o, HORROR Rl-Surgeon-"Y Your pulse
is still very high, my friend. Did you
get those leeches all right l sent the day
before yesterday" Patient =" Yes,
sir, 1 got 'em right enough. But
mightn't 1 have 'em billed next
time, sir?"
ONE bright and lovely day in Spring
left the busy town,
And wandered through garden with
Sweet Araminta Brown;
And whenI asked, q Art fond of fowers?'
In accents sweet she said:
"Oh, yes I'm very fond of flour
In the shape OF good, white breadr'
I" Behold" said l. % the lovely plants
That round sweetly bloom;
Without their charming brightness
The world would all be gloom.
love even the cowslp
That blooms in meadows green"
" think, " said she, Z" cowsps nice
When boiled with pork and beans"
SCENE in debating society. President
eve will take the ayes and noes on the
previous question" Member" A word
or two, Mr.. President. Friends, Romans,
countrymen! lend me your ears"
President" Order, sirI We will take
the eyes and nose first"
ROME Sentinel: Five well-sharpened
timothy seeds down the back of the
perspiring farmers boy who is moving
away hay under the ridge-pole of the
barn, will bother him more than any
nUnctiar tonahinor 7 pI1i-iona +Io
future of the soul.
ONE day last week a tired-looking
man, with the smell of the swamp upon
his garments, came sneaking into
Tallahassee with the returns of the
backest county in Florida. They gave
the state to Buchanan and Breckenridge
by an overwhelming majority.
LONDON Punch: A rencontre-Mrs.
Ell. (wishing to economise) takes an early
morning train to the American meat
store. Mrs. HIS West End butcher
(who sells only "prime English meat)
has, for some mysterious reason, come to
the same place. They meet-tableau!
MANY sweet girl, with tender, low
ing eyes, says the Haaok-Eye, has wept
away the moments of loves young
dream, while the young man who was to
tell her all about it is pleading with the
livery stable man, trying to hire four
dollars worth of horses and buggy for
dollar and half
No go.-(Scene: Royal Academy;
| Gallery No. II.)-Artful one (noticing
the proximity of refreshment room):
cob, George dear, II feel so faint"
More Artful One (who has been L" served
that way before ''): Faint, eh ? it's this
| doosid unpleasant smell of cookery; let's
go on bit" (EXeunt.)
Boston Commercial Bulletin: "Is
that type of Reading beauty?" asked
the Transcript as one hundred and sixty
pounds of female loveliness boarded the
morning train at Reading. ''Yes,"
responded Spicer, " that is piece of
solid Reading matter" and they silently
stole away to the smoking car.
RoCKLAND Courier: No man is
discontented with the world if he does
his duty in it," read Rockland man the
other evening. He was busily engaged
in rocking a bowling infant which his
wife had left in his charge while she ran
into the neighbor's to compare new
dresses. He didn't look as if he be-
lieved it.