Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1877-07-18
HUMOROUS.

ssDEArH'' on ADAGEs.-Chris, was a
good boy. He would have been an
angel to-day hut for the deceit Of this
false hearted world. He WASN'T one OF
a set of triplets, and therefore didn't
have honOrs showered upon him in his
early days; but old women said there
was foundation there for an orator,
great general, or philosopher, and Old
men examined his head and said it was
level. Nothing particular happened 70
Christopher Columbus until the eighth
year Of his reign. His childhood days
were full of mud pies, the butt end OF
shingles, paregOric, castor oil, ana OLD
straw hats with the front brim worn
off. He was deep thinker and close
observer, for a small boy, and he was
just innocent enough to believe things
which other boys pitch out of the win
dow without second thought.
When Christopher was going on
nine years old he heard some one say
that "Penny saved was two pence
earned" He therefore laid big Bung-
town away in a crack under the mop
board, and every day he looked TO see
il grow to two cents. He had confidence
and patience; but at length both gave
way. Then he got the cent out one day,
and Mrs. NOrtOn's baby swallowed it,
and that was the last of that BungtOwn.
The youthful Christopher didn't be-
lieve in maxims quite as much as before,
but he had not cut all his eye-teeth yet.
When this boy was year older he
heard it said that "Truth was mighty,
and must prevail" and that boy who
always told the truth would surely
make a great man. He commenced to
tell the truth. One day he got his
fathers razor out and hacked it on a
stone; and when the old gent came
home he asked "'whO in blazes done
that?" Christopher Columbus looked
up and said. sit was L, father-l
notched your old razor" "YOu did,
eh?" sneered the old man, as he looked
up into the peach-tree, swell, I'll fix
you so you won't never notch another
razor for mel" And he cut a budding |
limb, and dressed that boy down until |
the youth saw stars. That night |
Christopher Columb bus determined never |
TO tell the truth again, unless by ac- |
cident, and all through life he stuck to |
the resolution.
When the lad was about twelve years |
old he read in a book that Honesty |
p" d DCsl DOilCl- nan
believe it, but he thought he'd try. He 1
went TO being honest. One day his /
mother sent him to the grocery to buy /
eggs, and Bill Jones induced him to
squander the "change" in the purchase /
of soda-water. When he got home his
mother asked for the little balance, and 1
Christopher explained. "Spent 1t for
soda, ell 2" she replied; .here your
poor old mother is working like a slave,
and you around swilling down soda
water. 1 don't think you will swill
any more, | dOn'tl Come over my
right knee" And she agitated him in
The liveiiest manner. That night as he
turned in his downy straw bed the boy
made up his mind that honesty didn't
pay, and he resolved to cheat the whole
world if he could. When Christopher
was a half-year older he came across
the injunction: "Be kind to the poor"
He did not know whether il would pay
or not! but he set about it. He knew
of poor woman who sadly needed a
spring bonnet, and he took over his
mothers, along with a few other
things, including his fathers second
pair of boots, his own Sunday shoes,
and so on. He went around feeling
very big hearted until the old gent
wanted TO go to the lodge one night,
and then it came out. "Gi'n away my
boots, eh?" inquired his father;
''lugged your mothers best bonnet off,
eh? Well, | don't think you'll remem-
Der the poor very much after tO-night?"
And he pounded Christopher Columbus
with the pump-handle, and even then
didn't feel as if he had made thorough
job of it. They fooled this boy once
more. He heard a rich man say that
every body should "Make hay while the
sun shOne." So when there came a
sunny day the boy went out, took his
fathers scythe nOwn from the plum
tree, and went to make hay. He broke
the scythe, cut down the tulips, and
hacked his sister in the heel, and his
mother came out and led him around
by the hair and bounced him till he
went into a decline. They couldn't
bambOozle this boy after that. He grew
more wicked every day of his life, and
before his eighteenth birthday arrived
he was hung.