The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1877-02-22

a jokes are like uHts-lHc uTycT I'll
are the better they crack.
The kind of noblemen at present
. demand-an honest count.
When birds soar they MARBLE, b
when threats sore, ii don't.
Brigham Young issues orders to b
family through the local newspaper
4 North Carolina paper will tai
possums or pigs feet on subscription
The way to avoid suffering fro
corns is to have bay window on yo,
boots.
The motto of the Chinese race
''No chin, china good motto fl
any one.
| Nasty says that a moril idea is We
enough but that it can't hold out agii
shotgun.
Genius is the capacity of making a
ass of yourself at the Unexpected
right time.
I'm authority says that striped stoel
ings are no longer en- regle, but the
are still on foot.
Mrs. shark boldly remarks that tn
doctors 'ain't good for nothin' excep
/ TO emancipate a limb.
| Queen Victoria il not for war al
though the soidiery are. This show,
that the hairpin is mightier than tbs
/ sword.
Leap year statistics show that oni.
thirty-eight Young women eloped.
The hard times affect every branch o.
industry.
sIr.Sankey's song, Hold the Fort,
has been arranged as waltz for tn,
piano. II is popular among those who
hold a pianoforte.
Mexican editors don't care about an
extended circulation. The fewer sub
scribcrs they have, the fewer times
they are shot at.
An extensive fire al Boone, Iowa,
was caused by "a coal scuttle with a
wooden bottom Wonder if the owner
has a wooden stove?
a Galveston, Texas, doctor, raised q
sweet potato that weighs Isl pounds.
Two patients recovered while he was
busy watching the potato grow.
II ha, been officially decided that the
reason why a law book is like frolc-
some ram jumping over fence is be
cause they are both boundin' sheep.
The Wisconsin woman who mixed
her buck wheat batter in brass kettle
found five sick children and three
doctors in the house room after break
fast
says Seth Green: "A No. mack
erel il a better temperahce-lecturer
than John 3. Cough ever was. At
least it will make a person drink more
water"
George w Burns. of California is
the nau-who, when attacked by a
bear kicked the animal to death. He's
agraduate of Harvard and used to
kick football.
A sermon in Barbados recently
was closed thus: MY obstinancious
bredren, | find it no more use to
preach to you dan it is for a grass-hop-
per TO wear knee-breeches."
1t was year ago that a pretty young
bride began to follow the occasional
recipes for cooking that have appeared
In this column, and with such success
that she has Just married her second
husband.
Professor Swing says that common
sense Is the best guardian angel any
young woman can have around. But,
lacking this, wart on the nose, Il
twist in the eyes, and short red hair,
afford very good substitute in the
way of a protector.
4 tramp was arrested in New Jersey
last week, taken before magistrate,
and sentenced for three months. The
Justice in explaining the sentence, re-
marked that. while there was no evi.
dence that the prisoner had been gull.
ty of any crime, he thought it prudent
to commit him, as he had the wild
haggard look of a man about to start
newspaper
What is going on in the next room
waiter?" asked staid committee mar
at n leading hotel the other night
They're havin' little game there
sir" responded the attendant, an,
just then somebody in the room refer
red to bawled, Pass the buck,n q
which the good mans face cleared an,
he said, Oh, | see; venison supper,
and the committee business went on
A printer, being asked to give hi
opinion of salvation as expounded b,
Brother Moody, astonished his inter
locutofs by the reply that when MAJ
become converted he was marke
alive and placed GU Gods stand
ing galley for future use; but whel
man died without knowing God. h
was pied" thrown into the '.hellbox
by the dcvil' and melted over.