Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1877-01-25

ALUM UULE uuu HtDA8LI AUatA DrAaAAtl wa
tor Of the London T;~es. and Carlyle.
Our home death roll will include Thur
low Weed. General Dix, Bryant. Drew.
Vanderbilt and Peter Cooper. from old
age ! Fernando Wood, Cor and General
Butler. from bad ventilation and high
livingl The Manhattan Club from can
vas back dinners, Tilden from income tax
on tho stomach ! and the Electoral college
from congestion Of the Republican brains
and constipation Of the Democratic
bowelsl
Editer-well. Mr.. Train, the flags are
ut half-mast at last. No mistake this time.
The Commodore Is really dead.
Mr.. Train-Eight months dying. What
magnificent vital power. knowledge Of
| diet and Turkish baths would I've given
| fifty years more Of life. Az II was he killed
two doctors out Of five and tired out
preachers. reporters. family and public.
They arc all glad the agony Is over. How
| odd to see him go OF Bible mad at Last
when he tried to be . skeptic for . score OF
years.
"Eearer my God to Thee" was the last
song. and Father. Son and Holy Ghost T.
his iast words. whata jubilee for Deemsl
| What Q harvest for doctoni What . gold
| mine 10 the lawyer What . relief 10 his
relatives the Press and the Stock Ex-
changel How glad everybody seems TO-
day.
at last. These awfully rich men rotard
evolution.
Mr.. Trsin-Ths property gobbler. Aston.
died November. 1878. Tho tape gobblcr.
Stewart, died April. 1876, and now the
railway corporation gobblcr. Vanderbilt,
| dies January, 1871 all within q twelve
month In the Centennial year. The Land
| King. the Cloth King. and tho Railway
| King age Is ended. Thus pass away tho
last Of the Holy Trinity Of Hundred Mil
lionaires. All dead and nobody sheds
tears You could not sell the whole outfit
In flesh to-day at public auction for ten
millions! These misers sobbled nearly
all their gold in the half century. While
cutting the pound Of flesh from the rich
they squeezed the drop Of blood from the
poor ! When they gave anything tocharity.
Il was done ~ an advertisement. . moral
Insurance policy.
vanderbilt's forty years battle between
| his rectum aud his bladder was an outrage
ON common sense. but typihes the igno-
rance Of man on the laws 0f life. lie sur
| rendered his infidelity 10 DR.. Deems, but
not his strong cigar This proves tle
weakness Of his biblical conversion and
the strength Of his appetite. just think
Of DIR. Deems roasting oysters on His bsd-
room coal lire ut midnight for n dying
mans supper.
His loving Doctors Linsy. Hunt. Elliot.
Bolenhammer will probably charge the
old man n hundred thousand dollars for
curing him till he died. The Commodore
prolonged his own life by vampiring two
OF his six physicians, Hun and deischer
10 death.
Miser. profane rs . bravo. INSCRIPTIONS
~ . gambler. bold ~ . bandit. unfseling
~ . slave driver. coarse In his nature, ,nl.
gar In his conversation, unkind TO his
children. he was the most illiisrate Of the
Hundred M~illionaircs! lie could only talk
Her.e.. Pskor. Steamboat and Hallway!
Sensible to the last. he ordered y PLAIN
funeral. saying eItravsgant hsral display
made the poor seem poorer. but the most
remarkable incident the iiie OF thIs sH-
t~raordinary man. ne dsiiDeratsly 'ioseu hIs
own eyes rs he uicd. the MS, lnstahs9
known In history hat a wonIerini wiil
poweri ny Tue ny why 40 peoPie u'' VII"
their eyes wide opem'
you Liz. YOU VILLAINS. O LII
Editor.-Now South Carolina, Florida
AMI Louisiana have counted Hayes into
tho White House. will Tilden insist upon
his election through Congressional as
SUMPTION
Mr.. T~rain.-Yes. lie still swears he
helis four aces against I've kings. The
party commenced by wholesale Lying. |
Then Brag. Then Bluster. Ts back down
Il TO stamp them tho biggest liars in crea-
ton. First tho wolff then neck and neck.
Now the dog Is q little ahead. What q dis
aster, The starving jackalls OF Twecdism
were about feasting on tho camel when the
carrion buzzards swept down and carried |
OF the prey. Tantalus never was 40 tanta-
lizing before. Sixteen years Is y long time
10 walt between drinksi How quickly the
funeral banquet followed the wedding feast.
u~luminations all postponed. No cannon.
No fireworks. But q ragged regi-
mani Of creditors clamoring opposite
A certain mansion In 0rammercy Park.
The General Jackson Eighth Of jan.
uary hurrah was n lamsntable fizzlel
That Morse Barlow.Guyn and Nadamoi-
sello Rumork wedding will not come Off
now Thus White House bachelorism
ended with buchanan. VIII Tammany |
low DO satisfied with having iour Nsw
n ro crava S.rI' McClsllan' New.
- n..aLs. riiJ.n si,taen wear. az
hmiu,"". w,,I ,ha cahr. Nocc,sin Is,tlc.
.msIs mi sni,-.joy of Marty onght IN
sa,i.sv N when noi,o1inr ale whole nation
liz Il. R.I,is. NJ RonrIons nov,r for
,,, ,bsir -Lislv Ths Jrunlsn Tiidrn rc-
nar ,,ho L., III. yoie hy Jronninr "A
;.,a an. is,,sr.ba, .,urcs.e. tle De,no.
"ss,,. .,,r.,,on
IT,. ..ms mo, mr.. ali With u.v,s. I,ut.
L.. pis;na .nd uar,on .rs a,nsi ,a r,ri.
m.,t ~ Ca,s RssJail. ami iIorri.on..
T;ii., Ia. no hscl lam. ANAL cal.
m.lcs him s.s.siel. Tho Southern Cat
uilI decline IN get Ina ebestuut. ont OF ,l,c
Gro Tor Tho Northern monkey. ridden IL
mai ths Northern .Jasen 10 leai the South.
srn ar,on.,is in,o INA nutrid sra M Tam.
many =rryolntion'
mi. Riter ws. too .everslv lii bofore IN
hin. ,,sin, 'rhs Sonth Ia moi nleased with
r,l,isn'. claim Is,,sr. How be ran l.,bind
liz tictet in he di.,ut,d riatr.. mi.
Presidential nomination was a swindle.
Uis Reform campaign il n universal Joke. |
m, south .omriimea NAV discover thai |
Tiilsni.m means v,Jlock with a corp.e.
NM ~ /