Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1877-11-02
"The IgnOrantest Cuss.' -
Buffalo Express.


" Is YOU the editor?"
The writer looked up from the desk
on two small gamins with dirty faces,
who had entered the sanctum and stood
nervously twitching their ragged caps
before him.
Yes, sir, what do you want?"
We'll, you see, the Irish Boys and
and the Silver Stars had game of
ball to-day, and we kinder thought as
we'd like to have it published"
Is that really so? / knew those two
crack clubs were going to play, but |
thought it was next week. TO which
club do you belong?"
We belong to the Silver Stars I'm
ketcher and he's short-stop. And we
waxed them other fellers, didn't we
Bill?" You bet" responded Bill.
Why didn't you say so before? The
Irish Boys are good enough club, but
by Jove, give me the Silver Stars. ;
Why, I'm delighted to meet both of you,"
and the editor rose up, shook both of
them warmly by the hands, and yelled
Tor the printers devil " to bring the
gentlemen chairs.
The two redoubtablc Silver Stars
looked at each other very much per-
picked, and seemed at loss whether to
sit down or dash out Of the Office
Finally they adopted the former plan,
and pulling their chairs over near the
door SO as to be ready to start out at the
first sign of hostilities, sat suspiciously
eyeing ''the editor" who intrenched him
self behind a mass of paper, pencil in
hand. Now, then, tell me all about
the game and I'll write it down"
We'll, the Irish Boys they wur a
braggin they could beat us, and we said
we had twenty-five cents which said they
couldn't. We played 'em and give EN-
six goose-eggs
"Oh! now, boys said the editor,
don't tell any lies 1t is wrong to lie
Where could you get any gooseeggs this
time of the year?"
The catcher and the shOrt-stop Of the
Silver Stars looked at the editor in
amazement, and then seemed to be men
tally deciding that he was an internal
idiot.
We mean to say, continued the
catcher of the SLY er Stars, who was the
first to recover from the shock to which
he had been subjected, that we white
washed en-
oh, | see," said the editor, with a
sudden burst of intelligence, you put
whitewash over them until they looked
like goose-eggs. By Jove, that was a
good idea"
No." said the catcher of the Silver
Stars, with rising ire, we skunked EN-,
you know skunked EN-
Skunked 'em-what do you mean by
that?"
" Why, we Chicagoed 'cm-gin EN- no
runs
Oh, now l see" said the editor, al
most bursting into roar OF laughter at
the look of intense relief which came
over the faces of the two Silver Stars
Go right on.
1--WE got right on ter the balls of the
pitcher of the Irish Boys in the last in
nings, and we paunded the life out of
him."
Hold on said the editor, rapidly
writing The Silver Stars stood on the
ball in the last inning, and almost killed
the pitcher of the Irish Boys when he
tried to get it.
For two whole minutes the Silver
Stars regarded each other in speechless
astonishment Then the short stop pity
ingly asked:
Mister, did you ever play base
ball?"
Very little" said the editor" ma
king herculean efforts to keep his face
straight, but I'll scratch this out if it
is not all right"
Course it isn't ri ght. We means to
say we hit his balls easy; we knocked
EN- hard. | hit him for three bags, and
made home run"
You did?" said the editor, dashing
off at tremendous rate on paper. The
catcher of the Silver Stars hit three
bags with the ball, and then ran home
with them"
This was too much. The two Silver
Stars got up and unanimously concluded
that they must 60
What is your hurry" asked the ed
itor, again shaking their hands warmly;
stay little while longer If you can't,
come up this afternoon, and bring all
your friends with you-glad to see you
any time"
The catcher Of the Silver Stars blew
his nose. wiped it ON the cuff of his
coat, and led the way down stairs in
deep thought
At the bottom of the first flight his
feelings could no longer control them
selves.
Bill" muttered he, if that fellow
amt the ignorantest cuss | ever saw,
why, yer can shoot me.
g Yes replied Bill, ''but he's awful
friendly, amt he?