The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1877-03-02
FRESH FLASHES OF FUN.
Not a mlss-a pretty widowI


The siecDiest town in America is iu
Iowa, out on the B. Il NJ. II Rlilway-Nod,
away.
Rotation of crops--raising nothing one
year, aud letting IL run TO weeds ths
next.
A maRs dearest object should be hu
wife, but, alas ] sometimes IL is his wife't
wardrobe.
The excuse baseball nine put in last
autumn Tor nOn-appearance on the field .
was that "the pitcher was fulL."
The individual who @stoie a march"
has been put In the same cell with E'Pie
cras iinatioD, the thief OF time."
A good many people who don't pin
their iaith on ta6le-tipping, yet bslieYa
implicitly in spirito-iourih proof
Josh billings says: @Suecess DOM
konsist III never making blunders, but
in never making the same one the sec
ond time"
They tell us that the good die young,
and yet insurance statistics make IL out
that clergymen live to an average Ot
sixty-fye years.
"My BROTHER" said the ciergymaS.
''do you feel chafitably inclined Ihts
winterW "Weli, yes, IL it dsRt cost
anything" WAS the answer.
"The BUD" is the name OF q saloon
where the New Orleans young men
"take a nip" Many young man's
pros spacts have been ''nipped" in that
Bud.
docs smoking offend yonfo asked a
landlord OF a newb arrived boarfAr.
"Not at all, SIR" 'In very glad to beai
it, as you Will find your chimney is gives
to the practice"
When a man is treating dashiny
wild Nv to ice-cream, and sees his wis
coming into the restaurant, about all he
can do IS to button mis- coat, hang 10 his
chair, abd trust III Providence.
Hast thou a charm to siay the mora
ing starr he said, as he Lrundled Of
after u paper of hairpins for her, aud
she gloomliy muttered that she'd rather
marry Baiaam's ass than poet.
Anna Dickinson and Bret Harte have
made match to see which can write
he most plays in a week. The pools
are selling about even that Anna wili
write the most, but Bret will write the
worst.
Whena man encircles his partners
Waist for u dance, he Will do Wisely "
keep his hngers still. Nothing aggrAe
.Laa "A rnnnv iadv s,s~sS ''--N . - T. -1"s
49,. - 49,, ..---. tHau ~ ausuxamp
/ you are trying " count she whaIeb0nes
III ner dress.
1t was Miss OF Packer College who
| astonlshed ner professor by the ella ssical
| couundrum: "Wnat did 10 die OF ?n and
! astounded him when lie had given it uV.
as Of course he did, by The answer: ..Io-
| dide o. potassium"
Leap year is over, and the basbfui
young man out on West Hill. who hid
from the girls in abject terror All tbe
year through, crept out last week. aud
IN moment OF regretlul depression thaa
NOBODY had found him, married has
Washerwoman.
IL was at party, and another fellow
haa marched of triumphantly with his
sirl. "Ihaps the way said he, sadly:
y isn merit tuat WINS In this world.
Tvs Drass watch-chains and paste dia-
monds and dyed mustaches." And he
swallowed down his Adam's apple fully
three lines before it would STAY. such
was his grief.
An oil-dealsr who makes his money
mostly III 'puts," and sscalIs.U AMI
"straddles," attempted to explain tne
terms TO his vile, but did not succeed 20
nis satisfaction. He was more sueess-
ful afterward, when he put ais foot ON
ner new hat aud she called him and he
straddled Ior the door to escape the uM-
erring stoVe-nolder.
1t brings smiles of gratitude wrink-
ling all The Western farmers hannv
visage to see the prematurely-1atcned
Srasshopper get around ON the sunny
SIDE OF a clod, draw his neal down
between his shoulders and shiyer and
shake In fatal ague, while through his
cnatlerlng Teeth swear at the dark WAYS
anu deceltlul Lrlcks OF the groaud-
hog.
lt Is this daily food OF fglorious sun.
shine tnat battles ali Nature from neck
to heels, and the balny breath OF
spring day that has strayed into the
winter; that makes youug man, giat-
my at the snowless landscape, swear.
aud wonder why tais didn't break out
oar or i've weeks earlier, when he in
presented with bill Oh $l7 80 iur horses
and sleighs.
"Are you favorably impressed with
ih,s blue glass Theory, MIR. Wamsuttaw
4 burlington man asked his neighbor.
IS IN y met by chance at a place where
,hey give away real chrome uf a grain
ol cuffae with every purchase. "Oa. no
OA1 NJ, aAh pa W0dt KIM
glass;" was the reply, just sos you rub
biz of lemon arUunI The edge hrst.
'on't make any difference to me what
ilnd Ol glass;"
Samu Il Williston, the first manu- AZ
urer VI buttons IN the United States. is
'till LIVING, seventy yeais old, and
worth $6,0o0,0O0. He has made hall
he buttons used in the worll, and has
never yet made suspender button that
would h0ld It's grip aud not fy off aud
attle across the floor every Lime maa
topped to pick up his bat in church,
lie was the nrst man who manufactured
tin button tnat looked enough like
liver hye-cent piece to tuoi a Short
tguted deacon with contribu. lou bas-
et.
Mrs. Middlerib paused to take Il al
utVey oil the table before she called tue
auies out to tea. She started as her
yes .ed upon the plate OF lemon tarts.
mere We're i've where there had beea
Inc. She sought her only son aud pas
I'm IN the WltHess-box. He objected 70
ef putting her own con ,truclion upoa
is answers, an was subjected to The
sual punishment for his contumlcions-
ess. And the next composition day.
t school Master Middlerib amaz ID his
eacher by reading, as the title OF his