The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1877-06-09
FUNNYGRAPHS.

Dl1ilu lduIeS gong ABOUT.
The sanguinary incubation of military
| despotism on multitudious millions of
passive and unchronicled serfs presents
somber canopy-Boston Globe Pause
for breath and do not wonder that Bos-
tonlans are prematurely gray.
MALINDA said to him: What is the
difference between ice cream and hard
drlnker"' OF course Augustus didn't
know, and expressed strong desire to
be informed of lack of similarity.
Why, you dummy, ones so cold, and
the others an old soak"
SPEAKING of patchwork, woman in
Rome, \. Y, has quilt in 1882
pieces. She spread it out in the yard to
air, and puppy dog played it was Il
/ bear. The puppy has been unwell since,
and the woman spends good deal of
time III the yard waiting for him to come
from under the house.
II makes former mad as a wei hen to
see potato bug with pick on its shout
der crawling over his garden fence, and
when 1t pauses on the top rail to ask why
in the name of Julius Caesar he didn't
plant it earlier, onlya mortal fear of the
pick prevents him from ordering it off.
the premises.-OH CITY Derrick
"On, heavens, save my wifel" shouted
a man whose wife had fallen overheard
i'll the Hudson river recently. They
succeeded in rescuing her. And her
husband tenderly embraced her, saying,
My dear, if you'd been drowned, what
should | have done? amt going to let
you carry the pocket-book again Gin
cinnati Saturday Night
In Mentz, Germany. all corpses are
kept for three days before burial, with Il
string connecting one finger with a bell
in case of resuscitation. The German
attendant says, "not one has been found
to revive in a hundred years" But it
doesn't seem to occur to the stupid fell
low that the bell may have rusted in a
century, 50 that nobody could ring it.
STUDENT" writes to us to know the
! best way to color a meerschaum pipe.
We think an easy way would be to take
d brush and some paint and then color
| 1t to suit his fancy: Black striped with
red would color the pipe in one style,
but, then again, dipping in bottle of
ink would give it another hue in less
than no time, and would prove Il very
cheap process.
A PROFESSIONAL gentleman of Maine
city, noted for his brusque manner, ac-
costed on of his daughters on the street
a day or two ago and received some
what caustic reply, accompanied with
| hurried movement toward home and a
saucy toss of the head The gentlemen
looked perplexed for a moment, and
then exclaimed in a deprecating tone,
Well, go along-you are too much like
your father for me to have anything to
| say to you"
A PIOUs hen crawled into a Methodist
church in Jefferson City, recently, and
laid an egg in the contribution box.
| While the minister was making an
earnest appeal to the congregation for
foreign missions, the hen suddenly left
her nest, and, presenting herself in the
chancel, cackled most energetically.
The deacons discovered the egg when
! they went forward to get the boxes. The
pious hens contribution was adapted to
/ the domestic rather than the foreign
field
MODEL Lady's Maid: Cooks not at
all well, mem! Very bad dream last
night, mem! Quite a nightsmare, |
calls it." Newly Married Young Lady:
% You don't say 50, Harkiss What was
it all about?" Model Lady's Maid:
well, mem, she dreamt as how we were
all sitting at the dinner quite comfort
able like, and she takes off the cover,
and what do you think she saw, mem?''
Newly Married Young Lady: a can't
guess, really" Model Lady's Maid lin
tone of horror): american beefr'-
Judy.
a WIDOW about forty years of age,
living on High street, and having the
reputation of being one of the meekest
and humblest ladies in Detroit, pulled
hair with her servant girl before break
fast the other morning, dubbed two boys
from the gate before S o'clock, had
fuss with a neighbor about a parrot ere
the clock struck 9, run a peddler out of
the yard at 10 Z" sassed two of the san
itary police at IL, and at high noon she
threw ashes over the alley fence on a
man who was swearing at a balky horse.
During the afternoon she was engaged in
working the motto: " Let Thy light
shine. Fire. Press.
He started out in the morning happy
boy. When at dusk he returned with
bloody clothing, broken finger, a
sprained ankle and big cut in his lower
Iip. his fond mother asked him in alarm
:. if he had been through a threshing
machine or had been the unfortunate
victim of railroad smash-up." Meth
err, mother" replied the youth, and then
triumphantly, Never mind me, ma. [
have only been playing base ball Our
side, the Lilies waxed the No Names
beautifully; score, 13 to s." and then he
sunk into a confused heap on the parlor
carpet; revived little, lifted up his
head, muttered, " Jim, put that to first
and be thunderinp uuicE about II - tbo,,