The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-08-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

NSeOSN~ W VS. N"AS'
How DOES a COW become landed
estate By turning her into field.
The only things that go best when
they are thoroughly tired are wheels.
WHEN should you apply sovereign
remedy to your tooth? When it is
a-king.
A FASHIONABLE medical journal says
the summer style of vaccination is car
dlnal red, cut bias, and gored.
A PAPER says of a very prominent
militia General that "his sword was
never drawn but once, and then in
rattle"
In Rome, Ca, the other day, seven
brothers named Hill were indicted for
counterfeitlng. Rome sat on her seven
Hills, as usual.
TRAAIPs are very fond of flowers, and
may be found peeping into yards and
inquiring if the proprietor has anemone
for poor blind cripple.
A SAILOR dropped in to pummel
Maine newspaper man the other day, and
the rural sheet came out with an account
of the affray, heading it GA Salt on an
Editor"
A LADY, being about to marry a small
man, was told that he was a very bad
fellow. "Well," says she, eff he's bad,
there's one comfort is very little
of him."
RECENT Investigations prove the asser-
ton that one baby with a large biscuit
will make the couch of wearied industry
more uncomfortable than fifteen prize
mosquitoes.
"HAs that jury agreed?" asked the
Judge of Sheriff, whom he met on the
stairs with bucket in his hand.
eyes," replied Patrick, " they have now
agreed to send out for half a gallon"
"Pay me that Sands pence you owe
me, MI. Malrooney," said village at
torney. "For what % ''For the opin-
ion you had of me-" "Faith l never
had any opinion of you in all my life. "
AN Irish friend, who never reads the
papers, says he hears that the Turks are
bombarding Kalafat from Widin, and he
can't understand it, for he thought they
always bombarded city from "wid-
out"
edo YOU think your father is going
to move out soon2" inquired the owner
of rented house of the son of his ten
ant. "Reckon So" was the reply.
"We've begun usin' winder-frames for
frewood."
A VERY precise person, remarking
upon Shakspeare's line, ''The good men
do is oft inferred with their bones,"
carefully observed that this jnterment
can generally take place without crowd
ing the bones.
The Graphic asks, "Was it Jewdi-
cious?" We should Judge not. Per-
haps though, if Hebraic's off the Hilton
his pruning sword, he may see that
his action was very injewrious, indeed
Erie Dispatch.
els HE friend of yours?' asked
New York gentleman, pointing to man
who was sailing down the street. 81
can't tell you until next Saturday." re-
turned the individual; 81 just loaned
him a fve-dollar BILL
LITTLE Frank was taught he was made
OF dust. AS he stood by the windows
watching the dust as the wind was whirl-
ing it in eddies, he exclaimed, serious
ly: "Mas thought the dust looked as
though there was going to be another
little boy made
AN old Carolinian once said: ct was
born the last day in the year, the last
day in the month, the last day Of the
week, very late in the day, and have al
ways been behindhand. I believe it
would have been $50 in my pocket if I
had not been born at all"
LADY Ito servant, who has given notice
three days after her arrival )-"But, if
you didn't mean to stay, why did you
take the place % Servant -" We'll, IN,
when see you at the registry office you
looked so tired and tagged, I took your
situation out of charity like"
A sPITEFU1 woman, who was suspected
of not making her husband supremely
happy, asked an elderly spinster to ex-
press her "views of single and married
blessedness ;" whereupon the latter
wrote:
'.Let no repugnance to a single state
Lead to union with worthless mate
Although it's true you'll find many foo
Would make old maids the butt of ridicule.
single lady, though advanced in life,
Is more happy than an il-matehed wife"
GOING WEST.
"Pull up your stakes the old man said
':Why don't you westward go
And start farm?" The youth replied,
II would, if Idaho"
.Chiyalrous boy! :" the sire exclaimed,
your pluck full well know;
I'll help you out, if that is all
You need. Here, Ivanhoe!"
-Nelg York Commercial Advertiser.
He started out and westward went,
Inspired with youthful ardor;
But something whispered at Cheyenne,
81 Would you go to Nevada p
81 know said If Idaho
1 would not ask for mower;
But that can take my pick,
My dream is surely ore! !"
Boston Advertiser.
He worked the Meum Mine, but soon
It bust and he cried 80,
'Twere better if had returned
To Troy and Tuckahoe!"
ro11IJ, .oi1a Ie.oo voice