The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-08-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

EPrrAPH for Highlander-"T kilt
entirely"
SPIRIT Rapping-What a drllnkard's
wife too often knows too much of.
IT took seven fiat cars to haul a news
paper mans appetite to Kentucky
picnic.
The man who carries a cheap umbrella
has not that regard for his fellow-citi-
zens which is desirable.
IF you think you are too tall, marry an
extravagant woman, and you will soon
find yourself short enough.
AN old bachelor says that the talk of
women is usually about men; even their
laugh is but "He he he !"
AN aged African, describing how he
felt when he took hold of galvanic
battery, said my voice chung to my
jaws"
A coLoRED minister in Kingston told
bis sable hearers that they "must knuckle
down to the Lord on their knuckle-
bones"
WHY should the statue of the Colos-
sus of Rhodes have been considered an
equestrian one? Because it bestrode
noble bay.
81 SHOULD have no objection to my
wife reigning," said an affectionate hus-
band, "lf it were not the fact that when
she reigns she is apt to storm Also"
ga SOFT answer turneth away wrath;"
yet man caught by his wife dealing
soft answers to pretty widow next door
says he can show scars to prove that the
proverb didn't work well in his case.
Nor less than sixteen brass bands COM
peted in tournament at Rocky Point,
and the very CLAIMS got up, turned over
III their beds, and hOwled with agony,
adds the New York Commercial Adve7'-
HSer.
FIRST reflection" Really, I'll either
have to quit alcoholic drinking or stop
my newspapers. Expenses must be
curtailed." Second reflection Well
the newspapers don't amount to much
anyhow. "-DeTrick.
THIS is the way the Minnesota
Changers are delivering themselves in
communications to the local press
sound the loud timbrel
Ger valley and plain;
The locusts have left,
And we harvest the grain.
I'm poor man, and my father was a
cooper" said an opponent of Tom Mar
shall upon one occasion. Doubtless
his father was COOPER" replied Tom,
"but he put a mighty poor head onto
one of his whisky barrels. "-New York
Tribune.
CREAM and peaches once week,
Kiss your girl on the rght-hand cheek.
Apples green and apples dried,
Kiss her on the other side,
Ashland Review.
That eyinces wretched taste
Take your girl about the waist,
Lift her to her pink toe-tips
And plant it squarely on her lips.
-FTaaktOrt Yeomlai1.
A GENTLEMAN in search of a suburban
home visits a house in the country.
"The outlook is not all that it might
be, - remarked he. "Oh, sir, how can
you say that % exclaimed the proprietor.
Why, it commands view of the rail-
way station" Very, true, [ noticed that:
but I don't think that mends the mat
ter" 81 beg your pardon, sir. It's a
very gay outlook; one sees all the people
that miss the train"
A sCRUPU1oUs Swampscott lady, who
abhors slang, when asked at the board
ing-house table why her husband was
not down to breakfast, replied, bashful-
ly, "Oh, dear Willyim was upon "a
neck last night" GA what?" said her
interlocutor. GA b-bosom," she ex-
claimed, coloring to the roots of her
hair. GA which ?" said he. $3.50
b-bust!' p she whispered behind her nap
hn.-Spring5feId Republican.
RUSSIAN WAR SONG.
We're coming, Alexander, at least million more,
From Kaniveshaeja's bay and Obskalagouba's
shore;
From RELATIONSHIPS frozen wild, from Tymskaia's
plain,
We're marching, Alexander, with all our might and
main.
From Gatmousckino's forests from Tchernorbeskois
vale,
From Wassigoubska's blooming fields, from Thuy-
skia's dale,
From Kakamajoras village, from Meidoucharki's
isle, 5-
We're are coming, Alexander, the weary rank and
file.
From pollysyllabic villages we're marching gayly
down,
And we're going to rot in Turkey to gid your
crown;
We're on to Adrianople, and fair STEAMBOAT we seek,
Aud we're headed by some General whose name no
tongue can speak.
From provinces and districts whose names before
the eye
Look ike algebraic problems all tumbed into I" pi,"
The "arolows and offskies, !" effs and offs
and vitches,"
For Holy Church and pious Gar will die in Turkish
bitches.
A Faithful Dog.