The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-10-19
The Man Who Talked Too Much.

Ine NAN VINO Ialkeu 100 Much.
He slipped into an ice-cream saloon |
very softly, and, when the girl asked him |
what he wanted, he replied:
"Corned beef, fried potatoes, pickles
and mince-pies.
"This is not restaurant; this is an
ice-cream parlor," she said.
"Then why did you ask me what l
wanted? Why don't you bring on your
ice-cream
She went after it, and, as she returned,
he continued
"You see, my dear girl, you must in
fer-you must reason. 1t isn't likely
or to buy a grindstone, is it You
didn't think / came in here to ask if you
had any baled hay, did you?"
She looked at him in great surprise,
and he went on:
eff 1 owned hardware store, and
you came IN, would infer that you
wanted something in my line. would
not step out and ask if you wanted to
buy a mule, would II"
She went away highly indignant. An
old lady was devouring dish of cream
at the next table, and the stranger, after
watching her for few moments, called
out:
"My dear woman, have you found any
hairs or buttons in your dish?"
Mercy, no - she exclaimed, as she
wheeled around, and dropped her spoon.
"Well, I'm glad of it, he continued.
" If you find any just let me know"
She looked at him for half minute,
Il To- Il
and then rose and left the room. She
must have said something to the pro-
prietor, for he came running in and ex-
claimed:
"Did you tell that woman that there
were hairs and buttons in my ice
cream ?"
"No, sir 7"
"You didn't ?"
"No, sir, I did not; 1 merely request
ed her, in case she found any such in
gradients, to inform me-"
"Well, sir, that was mean trick"
my dear SIR" said the stranger,
smiling softly, "did you expect me to
ask the woman if she found a crow bar
or a sledge-hammer in her cream? 1t is
impossible, sir, for such articles to hide
away in such small dish.
The proprietor went away growing,
and, as the stranger quietly slipped away
at his cream, two young ladies' came in,
sat down near him, and ordered some
cream and cake. He waited till they had
eaten little, and then remarked:
:" Beg pardon, ladies, but do you OBJ
serve anything peculiar in the taste OF
this ice-cream ?"
They tasted, smacked their lips, and
were not certain.
"Does it taste to you as if plug of
tobacco had fal en- into the freezer9" he
asked.
"Ahl Kah'!" they exclaimed, and
tried to spit out what they had eaten.
Both rushed out, and it wasn't long be-
fore the proprietor rushed in.
"See here, what in blazes are you
talking about ?" he demanded. "What
do you mean by plug tobacco in the
freezer?"
My kind friend, 1 asked those ladies
if this ice-cream tasted of plug tobacco.
1 don't taste any such taste, and / dom
believe you put bit of plug tobacco
in it. "
We'll. you don't want to talk that
way around here" continued the pro-
prietor. "My ice-cream is pure, and
the man who says it is not is bold
liar ~
He went away again, and woman
with long neck and sad face sat down
and said to the girl that she would take
a small dish of lemon-ice.
1t was brought, and she took about
two mouthfuls, when the stranger in
quired:
Excuse me, madam, but do you
know how this cream was made-have
you any idea that they grated turnip and
chalk with the cream ?"
She didn't reply. She slowly rose up,
wheeled around and made for the door.
The stranger followed after. By great
luck his coat tails cleared the door an
instant too soon to be struck by FIVE
pound box of figs, hurled with great
force by the indignant proprietor. AS
he reached the curb-stone he halted,
looked at the door of the parlor, and So
liloquized
"There are times when people should
infer, and then there are times when
they shouldn't. suppose if had asked
that woman if she thought they hashed
up a saw-mill in the cream, she'd have
| felt a circular saw going down her