The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-04-26
Why Mr.. DifIlinger Never Married That
Young Lady on North Hill.

EVERYBODY was just certain it would be
match. They were just fitted for each
other; she was beautiful and accom-
plished, and young Mr.. Difflinger was
good looking, rather we'll TODD, and very
agreeable. 1t was easily to be seen that
he was dead in love with that young lady
on North Hill he used to visit, and it was
pretty generally understood that she
wasn't averse to receiving his bashful at
tentions, and, if it hadn't been for one or
two little incidents, it would have been a
match, as everybody expected and pre-
dicted.
Young Mr.. Difilinger was not what you
would call an easy, self-pOsscsscd man.
Not that he was at all an ungraceful man;
in fact, he rather prided himself upon his
graceful carriage and gestures, when
nobody was looking at him. lie had q
very studied, regular walk, and the Ia
dies all said that his bow was "per-fectly
divine" But however graceful he might
be on the street, all his natural elegance
of manner deserted him when he was in
company He stood with his toes turned
in. He sat with knees crammed against
each other and his feet lying along the
carpet in parallel lines. He laid one hand
ON each knee, or else held himself in the
chair with them, and from time to time he
would rouse up, and appearing to realize
the stiffness of his constrained posture,
would suddenly clasp his hands together
and shake hands with himself, apparently
delighted to know that he was there, and
seeming to derive great comfort and pleas
ure from his own intimate acquaintance
and society. He was always in an agony
lest his scalp-lock was standing straight
up, and constantly made furtive dabs at it,
until he would get the crown of his head
down to q degree of polish that would
make y pianO-case look rough, and
would make an ordinary egg hatch
itself in sheer envy. He would feel that
his nails were dingy, and would
try to investigate them without at
tracing any ones attention, which was
always failure And he always stepped
on his own feet and picked Up some ones
hat when he started to leave the room.
And one night he waded into this lady's
parlor-the very young lady everybody
thought he would marry-with the mud
diest pair of overshoes that had ever
climbed Burlington clay bank clinging
to his feet. And after he got in he didn't
know how under the sun to apologize and
go out ard take them off, and SO he sat
down in an elegant easy chair and worked
himself into alternate conditions of raging
fever and cold swcats, trying to hide his
feet under the chair, painfully conscious
all the time that the eye Of the young
lady's mother was glazing at his offending
feet. And in his agony he work ed one 81
the shoes off, and when he came away,
not daring to stOop and pick it up, he left
it there and waded home In q perfect
frenzy of modification ard remorse, and
frightened the lady and all the boarders
into commissions of terror, trying to dash
out his brains by butting his head against
the lath and plaster partition of his room.
And the next day he received the overshOe
in big pasteboard box, with q sarcastic
note from the young lady's mother, stating
that he probably overlooked it on account
of its smallness (mud and all, it was about
the size of soap btx), and the next Sab
bath, when he caught the young lady's
eye in church, she turned scarlet and dived
behind her fan, and he saw her shake the
pew with uncomfortable emotion. He
thought at first that she might be weep
ing, but closer investigation revealed his
error, and he afterward learned from some
young ladies with whom she had held
converse, that the morning after his de-
parturc from the parlOr, It looked as
though = G., B. & Q. gravel-train had
been wrecked under the easy chair in
which he sat
Il was long time, Of course. before
Young Mr.. Difflinger went out into CON-
pany again. but he heard people remark
inr what q pity it was that such natur-
aliy graceful, accomplished young man
should shut himself up like recluse,
whe.l he could, by an effort. overcome his
bashfulness and make himself such an
ornament to society. SO he resolved to
try once more. He tried; he called at the
same house again one night when there