The Republican journal., 1877-10-25

. the smorc, the beautiful suore, how
have we suffered from thy we'll meant
but cNaspcrating gaspS, grants, gugges
major and minor Keys, grand crashes and
sudden gusts, Have We not REASONED
With thee in the silent Watches ol the
night, placed a wet towel over the tunnel
leading to thy far OF crib; pulled thy
delicate trombone with the index finger
and thumb. attached to thy larger toe Il
knot Of string and tugged approval at
every fresh and brilliant effort from thy
sounding keyboard Have we not lain
awake nights in one of Mr.. pullman's
patent palalial pull-back snoring ears
listening to band Of mercantile barrel
organs and elderly female orcheStreons
gruntng the ''Dead March in Saul ,"
Poor Saul, how we have pitied him.
Any man Who would die TO such vii
lan0ua combination of harsh sounds de
served IT, he buried next tu 1t brass band.
But there is rest for the Weary. balm III
Gilead, peace to those who cannot sleep,
iny in The city boarding house, comfort
by sea and land An eNtinguishcr has
been found a patent Snore consumer, Il
noiSeicss nose contractor, something
which is destined to make home happy,
reconcile The human race cause wars to
cease ana peace to smile upon Il bilious
world
john \. Wyeth, NJ. D. let his name
be proclaimed upon the housctops lives.
He is the man who, after Years Of patient
study, has discovered the universal n.
G.. nose guide If the gentccl reader
will turn to the current Popular Science
Monthly, page 1Ol, he will find Il human
head, or the figure Of one split through
the middle. lie will behold his own head,
split. of course, as dtscrihtd. and rs ii
probably ought to be split, as others see
it when he is snoring the Snorc Of the un
repentant, -Four arrows are seen pierc-
inc the part which constitute the human
orcheatrcon How have we longed tor
lust such arrows, lin order to snore,
says the doctor, I'VE must keep the mouth
open, also the nose 1t follows, says he
again, that any device which prevents
the lower jaw from dropping down dur
ING sleep will prevent snoring How true,
how simple, how beautiful, We knew
the jaw had something to do with it all
the time. Now listen to the remedy: \
simple cap for the head, a cap for the
chin, and piece Of elastic webbing see
diagram and the things done The
hatchWaNs being closed, the objectionable
human steamboat can now proceed to
sleep with full steam on, and its funnel
duly protected from the insults of waking
humanity or the Scorn Of the envious
skeeter. John A. Wyeth, NJ d., Wyetheth
of men, we honor thee . Ten millions of
happy noses now point to thee with pride.
Benetactor Of thy species. No longer a
noSuS natul;r the roSe Of the future will
bless thy name us it sleeps and hreathes
in peace. Chicago lntcr-Ocean.
In response to written orders, the en-
preSSmen of Meriden, Conn, one day last
week were sent in great haste to a hotel
to take the trunk of l.. +. Plant to the
depot The landlord took the joke kind
ly at first, but as express wagon after
express wagon drove up the Joke became
monotonous, and the hotel lobbies re-
sounded with profanity.
1t is a remarkable fact that we cannot
explain, that the boy who does not know
that the gun is loaded is nevertheless al
ways to be found at the safe end of the
gun. Providence ought to look after this
little arrangement and reverse it occa
SionallV