The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-12-29
VARIETY.


Little Sofftgoodz-'' Beg pardon, MISS put
YOU re down in my invoice for the next uahce'
The Boston poets are discussing " What is the |
bost Isa for n woman's mouth?'' Silence, young |
men.
If General Butler should be accepted by any
BODY we hope he will put at the bottom OF the
advertisement g No spoons
According to the Rochester Democrat, which
is excellent ScrIptural authority, Goliath conclud-
cd that David was indeed the s. sweet singer OF
Israel
The HinIoos Of Benares have organized a soci-
etv for sending missionaries to convert s. drunken
EngIshmen.'
A Detroit man jumped into the river the other
dav TO cure his toothache. He must have had
what they call g a jumping toothache."
.. Call me pet names-sOmething typical oi
sweet sounds,'' he murmured, and she said he
was gay Lutte
The Hessian fly has invaded Illinois wheat
fields. In Washington's day you could have
seen the Hessian fly in New jersey
Lover lin French)-.. Angelina, .je t'adore."
Concord girl (who hadn't studied parley-voo)-
Shut 1t your self; you left 1T open.
Those Young ladies at church fairs who sell five
cent pincushiOns for So ought to be arrested Tor
robbing the males
The Danbury man, who is always extravagant,
advises YOU to buy white whale for your girl
for Christmas.
French paper points out how the passion
Cor gambling is shown in England, so that even
in wedding notices it is necessary to state that
there were cards.
TELEGRAM from Pekin: ' China bought up
ten mile Woosung railway Shanghai coast soak.
Opposes ground breed contempt laws spirits
Emperor dragon rats. Mclean man plant him
Chinaman root him up.
Punch :-ss What Going to leave US, james,
9 Yes, sir I'm very sorry, sir, but really can
put up with missus any longer!' Ah, James
think how long I've put up with her
Newest German pianist who will visit London
is Frau Thekla Erdmansdorferhchtner. 1hat Is
a kind of upright, grand, ree-round-our-square
old seven and half octave name, don t 1t!
A MARYLAND writer says SO The elf of sum-
mer. seeing her robe of flowers falling dead be-
meath the blasts of sober autumn, gathered her
frost Jewels about her and rode away to softer
elimes" We suppose she rode-a-dendron
man went home and found his house locked
IN. Getting in at the window with considerable
difficulty, he found on the table note from his
wife: 50 have gone out. You Will hnd the Key
on one side of the doorstep
Worcester Press SO Nine men out OF ten,
when YOU run against them in the dark, will say
liable and leave you to complete the word.
We confess to having called Vassar College
(which is really 4 fine institution TOR young
Iadiesl a sugar refinery. The Philadelphia Bu-
Letin now explains that all the girls answer tOut
suite.
The following is credited to Henry W. Paine o
Boston Recently, in the Supreme Court, h
was interrupted from the bench with the some
what abrupt comment: '' Mr.. Paine, that ism
tbe law Mr.. Paine instantly replied -
think, your Honor, it was the law until thi
moment
Toms Harry, what makes you look so dow
:, the mouth? Has your savings bank busted
Harry Oh, no 1t ism that put l SO col
fnnndedlv afraid that my girl will make up wit
mo before Christmas that L don't know what
do
While the tenor John Wilson beil
.ieoached to sing with Malibran in g Sonar
buIa'' the maestro said to him: Mr. Wllso
YOU must throw more passion into your mannf
Remember, sir, you are making love 70 ANNA
The Scotchman simply answered g Man, L
married ~
1t is related of Sydney Smith that once, on e
II ierino n drawing room in West end mansio
s he found it lined with mirrors on all sides. Fin
ing himself reflected in every direction, he sa
n that lie supposed he was at a meeting OF t
s clergy and there seemed to be very respectat
attendance.
A correspondent asked the Burlington Hd't
81 cue: DO you think it is wicked to smoke
s. And the Hauaeye replies: 'Oh, dreadful
awfuIly, sinfully wicked. Send your cigars
this Office and let us burn them up for you, Wh
YOU swear off and reform before it is too 10
1t is already too late for u.s. We went to s"'
off last week, but the Office was closed and
man had gone to picnic"
Worcester Press Sc At the recent baby sh
in Boston the nearest approach to the line
tween babyhood and nothngness was ezemI
fed in an infant which weighed only pou
il and a half This infantile prodigy was exhi
ted by South Acton mother, and when
SQUALLS she has to spank it with tack hammer
E President Hayes, the great American humor
in bis speech, SAID :-'' -(laughter)-beg le
-rHear, hear ito tell little-(applause
story. There was man-(roars of laugh
and three cheers for the President of the Uni
States)-who once said( Hear hear = and tuml
uous applause)-that he was not gander,
cause he was a goose. Chi, vi, vi, vi, hi
Uproars of applause, during which the Presid
of the United States leaned his left chin on
right collar and smiled beautifully As l
-(uproars of applause, drowned by the bal
-saying-(here the uproars of laughter "
tumultuous. and the President said)-l int
duce to you ('Hear, hear, hear, hear