The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-03-08
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.

w AICn sOcu Is idiRe enough 1Or death.
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.
REMEMBER, rather, obedience is the
mother of success, welded to safety so
the wise assure us.
NECESSITY of action takes away the
fear of the act, and makes bold resolu-
tion the favorite of fortune.
WE cannot conquer fate and neces-
sity, yet we can yield to them in such a
way as to be greater than if we could.
AN exchange writing an account of a
street parade, says that the procession
was headed by band "with their new
green overcoats, lined with red flannel,
discoursing fine music''
BLUEGLAss is good enough in its way,
but yellow pane set where it will
throw its reflection on heap of half dol
lars is the thing to give weak bank
reputation for paid-up capital.
THE shades of night were falling fast,
When up the streets Tuscan passed;
Beneath his box his form was bowed,
And evermore he yelled aloud
/" Blue glass !"
UNFORTUNATELY, ridicule is weap-
on to which the vacillatiug too often
yield, forgetting that it belongs only to
little and ungenerous minds, and that
those who use it are subjects for COM
passion rather than dread.
WHILE we are erecting tombstones
over dead martyrs and placing laurel
wreaths ON the brows of living heroes
don't forget to drop a tear on the grave
of the man who conceived the idea of
putting potato on the snout of kero-
ene-can.
The snow shovelers: Tom" HulIoa,
Bill, how's your mate, Jack?' Bill
"Oh,' 'e's dead, poor. Jack is. through
catchin' cold a-sweepin' up the snow"
Tom" Poor chap, hi am sorry. All,
well e won't ave to sweep up no snow
where 'e's gone to.
SONNET TO A CLAM.
Inglorious friend-most confident am
Thy life is one of very little ease;
Albeit men do mock thee with their smiles,
And prate of being happy a clam.
What though thy shell protects thy fragile head
From the shap bailifs of the briny sea
Thy valves are, sure, no safety-valves to thee,
| While rakes are free to desecrate thy bed,
And bear thee off-as foeman take their spoil
Far from thy friends and family to roam,
Forced, like Hessian, from thy native home,
To meet destruction in foreign broil.
Though thou art tender, yet thy humble bard
Declares, o clam, thy case is shocking hard
john G. Saze.
Mr.. JONES" Captain Miller the men
for'ard are growlin' about the beef; they
say it is only fit to carve figure heads
| with" Captain" How much are you
giving them now7" Jones' A pound
each per day, sir" Captain" Give 'em
half pound from this out, Mr.. Jones;
God forbid that we should force 'em to
eat grub that amt to their taste"
GAZE not ON beauty too much, lest it
blast thee; nor to long, lest it blind thee;
nor to near, lest it burn thee. If thou
like it, it deceives thee; if thou love it,
it disturbs thee if thou hunt after it, it
destroyes thee. If virtue accompany it,
it is the hearts paradise; if vice asso-
ciates it, it is the souls purgatory. 1t
is the wise mans bonfire, and the FOOLS
furnace.
ABOUT midwinter city editors throw
out valuable hints and suggestions to
farmers-something after this fashion;
"Now is the time to paint your peabrush,
and perform other indoor work. White
wash your snow-shovels now. Now look
after your next seasons bean-poles, and
trim off all superfuous sprouts. Oil your
garden rakes before spring sets in. Bury
grindstones in the cellar to prevent freez-
ing" etc. Farmers can save more than
fifty dollars by not following his advice.
WASHINGTON was a very ignorant
man. He never saw a railroad or steam
boat, or an electric telegraph. He COM
pretended nothing of their mechanisms.
An ordinary photographer could beat
him all to pieces with camera. He had
never read Huxley. Darwin, Mill, Tyn-
dali, Spencer, Or General Pleasonton on
blue glass. He didn't even know of his
remote gorilla origin. He didn't know
the universe had built itself up out of
itself through the accretion of proto-
lasms. He had never heard Prof. Proc
tor on "Other Worlds than Ours-Are
They Inhabited ?" and take an hour and
half to tell that he didn't know. Wash
ington was complete ignoramus.