The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-10-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

ScH1pKA means wild rose-and wild
rose the yells of the terrible Turks.
A WOMAN in Boston has named one of
her hens Macduff," so that it may lay
on.
THE Rochester Democrat thinks Char
ley Ross was deposited in Chicago
savings bank.
THE Indian summer is at hand, and
perhaps by-and-by Gen. Howard may
see an Indian fall
SAID an Arkansas Coroner's jury /:
eve find that the deceased came to his
death by Jim Blarkins bowie knife hav-
ing incidentally touched vital part"
ONE day last week, down in Missouri,
a man was struck by lightning while
playing croquet. Heavens vengeance,
though long delayed sometimes, is aw-
fully certain.
"OH, George, I'm ashamed of you
rubbing your lips like that, after that
dear little French girl has given you a
kiss - "I'm not rubbing it out, man.
my-Tm rubbing it in Punch.
A GREAT many people have a way of
sneeringly abiding to scissor-edi-
tors" They should remember that it
takes some skill to use scissors we'll
especially if they are dull.-Erchange.
WE trust that Gen. Grant will accept
the latest honor rendered him in
Scotland. AS the old adage says,
I" Aberdeen the hands worth two in
the bush. "-NeW York Commercial
Advertiser.
An exchange tells how the joke was
on him. "a bright little girl OF orr ac-
quaintance asked US the following conun-
drum: How many letters are there in
postman's bagF We gave it up, and
she said there were three-b-a-g."
RECENTLY, while the President was at
the Washington Schutzenfest, facto-
tum, wishing to do the handsome
thing. said : "Mr. president, vas
glad you komd. We yoost vos keepin
some water on ice for you, ell !'-Nea0
York Herald.
A cRUsTy old fellow once asked,
"What is the reason that griffins, drag
ons, and devils are ladies' favorite sub
iects for embroidered designs 2" "Ah,
because they are continually thinking of
their husbands, was lady's quick re-
tort.
To the prize from Yankee land,
John Bull sent hence his rife team,
Han Ugh hand Apply, 'earty band
Who Justly sang God Save the Queen
And who had one and all sworn this:
- Americans shall win no more :"
But where the Yankees scored a miss,
The Brtishers they missed score.
Philadelphia Press.
Ct WANT five cents worth of starch"
said little girl to grocer's clerk. The
clerk, wishing to tease the child, asked
"What do you want five cents worth of
starch for p Why, for five cents,
of course" she answered, and the clerk
concluded to attend to his own bust
ness.
NJ. THEIRS small stature was often
ridiculed. One day as he was walking
up the Champs -Elysees two ladies, who
wished to get a good view of him, APP
preached, and one of them exclaimed,
"How little he is !" "Yes, madam"
replied NJ. Theirs, turning round, "but
L am somewhat bigger at distance"
ONE of those excrescences on life,
female slanderer, went into neighbours
house the other morning with her tongue
loaded with new venom. There were
several women present, and the SANDER
tL eyes SuSttutt III ANTICIPATION.
Throwing herself in a chair, she sighed
and said "One-half the world don't
know how the other half lives" "That
amt your fault, quietly observed one of
the company. The slanderer turned
yellow. -Dan6ury Netos.
A FAMILY of Nebraska immigrants
passed through this city yesterday on
their return to Indiana. They had suf-
fered everything, and were in the last
stages of restitution. The man had
been compelled to part with nine of his
dogs, and the woman was positively
ashamed of her bracelets and earrings,
and she refused to get out of the wagon
because, she tearfully informed the Pres
ident of the Woman's Relief Society, her
litter was nearly three months out of
style. Huntington Hawk-Eye.
A PROMINENT pastor exchanged with
an out-of-town brother the other Sun
day, and his small boy rather took adj
vantage of his absence at the breakfast.
table Monday. He had noticed the pre-
vious morning that the visitor delayed
somewhat after finishing the meal be-
fore beginning the family devotions, and
so. after reminding him If he didn't stop
eating priddle-cakes there wouldn't be
any left for the hired girl, he burst out
with, "Are you going to have prayers
now, or will you try to get out OF it as
you did yesterday ?" Springfield
Union.