Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1877-12-28
he Went Behind the Returns.

He Went Behind the Returns.
Over one eye was piece of sticking
plaster as big as q street-car ticket, and
one leg seemed to hesitate and hitch
along as though grain or two of gravel
had somehow got into the knee Joint
and made trouble and dissatisfaction.
His boots were as full of squeak as n
clearinghouse rocking-chair, and the
heels were edging around and trying to
climb up and see what the pantaloons
were made of. His eyes had wander
ing, startled, half-frightened sort of
look, and one of them seemed inclined
to set up an observatory on its own ac-
count. His nose had started out bold
| ly into the world, but after slight prog
ress had thought better of it, changed
its mind and scooted for home again.
This move had aroused the curiosity of
the chin, and it sailed out resolutely to
find out how matters stood. When
they came within hailing distance both
organs seemed to take alarm at the
hostile appearance of the intervening
chasm of mouth, and halted right
where they were.
The man was very polite though
awkwardly so, and pulled off his nap
less, rusty stove-pipe hat with a
springy, nervous movement, the in
slant he crossed the door-sill, and came
forward with crouching, hcsitatng
air, seemingly fearful that his intrusion
might be unwarranted. He came to
full stop with bow that made his ribs
rattle, and asked with voice afraid to
come out all at once:
Is--the-editor-
He was.
Be-you-he?"
Such was the case.
By this time the mans voice had
pretty much all got together, and
poured out with confidence:
"No prints is shut up from you.
You're better acquainted with words
than am with my own relations. They
can't fool you. The minute you clap
your eyes on 'em you can call 'em by
name, can't you? They don't get the
start of you much no matter if they're
rs big as hoss blanket, do theyP'
Nary time they didn't.
"Then I'm in the right shop, and
needn't go any farder. / want you to
help me out of little mess. As we
was sayin', you can't be fooled by any
thing in the word business. For in
stance, word that hadn't no business
in verse couldn't ring in on you, could
it? You'd collar it at sight an pitch it
-out an chuck in the right one, wouldn't
you?h
Most likely"
"Ah-hah! l thoughtso. Now we're
comm to the scratch. You see the
trouble is just this: me nor my ole
woman neither one has much book
sense, but each ones got their own
idees, and we freeze to 'em tighter n
wax. If she says things so, she d lose
every tooth in her head afore she back
water; an as for me, I'm purity much
on the same stump. We've been mar
ried now risin' thirty year, and have
grown children, but there's one pint
that we allus knock our heads together
on, an it's made us heaps o. trouble;
we've skrimmaged over it year arter
year, but we're no higher gittin' it set
tied atween our two selves to-day nor
we was the first year we was lined
We've wrangled and fused, an thrown
up one another's relations, an over
HtulcNl Oul ldillH y llO cclu u llllcS, Dul
no good; I'm satisfied now we never
can settle it that way, an as we're both
old, an there's no tellin' when one on
tother might drop off, l thought ii
would be mighty sight o. satisfaction
to know afore that time comes who's S
been right about it all this while, an il
popped into my head that WEI d leave il
to a umpire, an so git shut of it for
good; an so after talkin' it over last
night, pro and con, we've both elected
you, and my business here now is to
get your Judgment on the question.
An what we want to know is, which is
right them molasses,' or those mo-
lasses.
When the old man received the NOR,
tifying information that they had both
been in fog, he said it would be down
right purgatory for him to go home
with that decision, and the only chance
for peace on earth would be for him to
stand by "those molasses" to the last.
Cincinnati breakfast Table.