The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1877-08-09
Items of Interest.

The United States in 1880 contained
12, 700, 600 inhabitants.
Clergymen, like railway brakemen, do
good deal of coupling.
Now they tell of drug COCOA or cuca)
that will cure bashfulness.
1t cost about 81 to send ton of wheat
from Chicago to Liverpool.
Virginia and West Virginia combined
cover an area of Ga, 900 square miles.
You can always get trusted at the
telegraph office; they send messages "on
tick.
American shoes are now being largely
sold in Germany, Switzerland and
France.
"What did you get ?" asked wife of
her husband on his return from hunt
ing excursion of several days duration.
"I got back" he sententiously replied.
Spicer is anxious to know if the mer-
chant who advertises "full lines of un-
derclothing" is connected with the party
who walked off with last week wash
from the back yard.
Madam" said certain nameless
one to Mrs. Brown, the other day, "you
are talking simple rubbish. " Yes, sir,
replied the ever-crushing lady, "because
L wish you to comprehend me-"
Yet another warning. Joseph Bates,
of Vermont, falls dead while carrying in
an armful of wood. Show this para
graph to your wife. Nay, cut it out and
pin it to the woodshed door.
"Miss c." said gentleman, one
evening, "why are ladies so fond of
officers P' "How stupid % replied
Miss c.; "is it not natural and
proper that lady should like a good
offer, sir?'
Before they are married she will care
| fully turn down his coat collar when it
gets away, but after that she'll jerk it
down into position as if she was throw
ing door mat out of the window.-Ou
city Call.
Spilkins came down town with a nose
CAV in his buttonhole. "Hullo" said
friend; "why, Leander, you look as if
you'd Just come out of green house.
"No," replied Spilkins, mopping his
fevered brow; "but L passed the night
in hot bed"
One test of a great mind is its instanta-
neous availability in an emergency. The
boy who can drop paper-bag OF eggs
ON the sidewalk, and pass on without
changing his gait, interrupting his whis-
tie, or looking at what he has dropped,
has future before him.
lightning struck hive of bees in
Kansas the other day. The painful
story is soon told. The misguided
lightning came out of that hive quicker
than it went in and shot off into space
with it's tail between it's legs. Moral
Never pick quarrel when you are not
acquainted with the folks
A poor tailor, dunning for an old debt
the other day, wrote as follows: "Dear
Jim, this little account has been stand
ing for seven years, and I think it is high
time it was paid" To which jim re-
piled, on the same sheet of paper, while
the boy was waiting: "Dear Sam, [
don't; and may a difference of opinion
never alter friendship" What a splen-
did diplomatist Jim would have madel
A literary gentleman, wishing to be
undisturbed one day, instructed his Irish
servant to admit no one, and if any one
inquired for him to give him an equivo-
cal answer. Night came. and the gentle
man proceeded to nterrogate Pat as to
his visitors. "Did any one call ?''
eyes, sir; wan gentleman. "What
did he say? ?" "He axed was yer honor
in" "Well, what did you tell him y
"Sure, I gave him quivikle answer,
} list" How was that ?" 81 axed him
, was his grandmother a monkey"
TO A sEANIsTREss.
Oh what bosom but must yield
J When like Pallas, you advance,
With a thimble for shield,
And needle for a lance?
1 Farest of the stitching train,
| Ease my passion by your art;
= And, in pity for my pain,
Mend the hole that's IN my heart.
4 "Ahem," she sad "'tis needless, sir,
This question, to dis-gusset.
: Why seam sew earnest in your suit?
= Take care-my crimp-dont muss it.