Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-09-10
BOTTOM FACTS ABOUT MULES.
Humorous Revie,0 ofthe Animal from


HIS Tropical and other .Standpoints.
George A. Quimby in the Boston Globe.
The mule is the only animal that No
ah didn't take into the ark with him. l
have looked over the freight list careful
ly, and could not see mule way-billed
for any place. So clear-headed man
as Noah did not care to take one on
board, as he knew he would kick hole
through her in less than week. don't
know man on whose head you could
pour quicksilver and run less risk of its
spilling off than on Noah's. He was
dreadful level-headed man, and before
the freshet was over everybody on earth
realized the fact.
The origin of the mule is enveloped
in good deal of mystery. Tradition in
forms us that when the food had SUBJ
sided and the ark had landed at Mount
Ararat, Noah was very much surprised
in one of his first observations to find a
good healthy mule standing on the top
of an adjoining mountain. The same tra-
dition informs us that the mule is the
only animal that lived through the flood
outside of the ark.
The mule can be considered in a good
many ways, though the worst place from
which to consider him is directly from
behind, anywhere within a radius of ten
feet. l never consider mule from that
point, unless 1 am looking through the
fue of boiler.
Sea captains and people who have to
do with mules always pay an extra rate
to life insurance companies. A mule and
belt of country in which yellow fever
is indigenous generally stand the same
as regards the death rate.
The word mule comes from the Greek,
and signifies "to STOP" and the mule
himself comes to stop also. Like multi
piled by like produces like. Grasshop-
pers multiplied by grasshoppers produce
famine, and potato bugs multiplied by
potato bugs produce rise in the price
of yeast. But when you try to multiply
mules by mules they don't multiply, and
hence the word mule. You may study
your arithmetic and read through all of
Trains lectures, but you cannot discover
why this is so, any more than you can
why a woman cannot put on a rubber
~ith~~t le~~;-e np against something.
The mule has one more leg than o
milking stool, and he can stand on one
and wave the other three around in as
many different directions. He has only
three senses, hearing. seeing and SMELL
ing. He has no more sense of taste than
a stone jug, and will eat anything that
contains nutriment, and he don't care
two cents whether it be one per cent. or
ninety-nine. All he asks is to pass him
along his plate, with whatever happens
to be handy around the pantry, and he
won't go away and blow how poor the
steak is. He just eats whatever Is set
before him, and asks no questions.
Mules are naturally deaf, but that su-
preme wisdom that teaches the little boy
to wipe his nose on his sleeve has fitted
the mule out with a pair of ears that
counteracts its deafness, so he can hear
as readily as aperson when you don't
want him to. THESE ears answer dou-
BILE purpose-as tunnels to pour sound
into his ears, and also as fans to brush
away the flies with and keep his head
cool. They are hung by hinges to the
sides of his head, and flap backward and
forward like pair of wet trousers round
boys legs. In cold latitudes quite ;
tasty business is done in mules ears
The ears are cut off and dried, and solo
for snow-shoes, and then the stubs ar,
trimmed up and the mules are sent Soutl
and sold for horses. In this way grea
{ many fine horses were purchased for tn
army of the United States.
!; If l were to have large picture o
innocence to hang up in my parlor, ant
, / did not wish to sit for it myself,
\ should get correct likeness of a mule
| There is innocence enough depicted in
mules countenance to fit out Sunday
. school class. 1t looks as guileless as a
angle worm.
= A mule never grows old or dies. Ono
brought into existence, he continues o
g forever. The original mule is now aliv
n somewhere in the South.
Mules are chiefly found in the Sout
and West. They have been more abu'
ed than Judas Iscariot. A boy WI
would not throw stone at mule if /
i. got chance would be considered by h
:, parents as too mean to raise.
q The mule is a good worker, but
: cannot be depended on. He is liable
d strike, and when mule strikes huma
II calculation fails to find out any rule |
y which to reckon wnen he will 60 to wol
again. 1t is useless to pound him, f
e he will stand more beating than 81
d ting-room carpet. He has been know
g to stand IL days in one spot, apparen
y ly thinking of something, and then sta
+ off again as though nothing had happe
10 ed.