The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1877-02-14
EXPERT QUARRELERS.
Bascum Gives the Reader some
Pleasing Facts about them.
MARYvILLE. Tenn Ian 90 1877


To the Editor of the Morristown Gazette
discover, from reading the newspa-
pers' that there has been a little quarrel
between Secretary Bristow and Col
Polk johnson, of the Louisville Ersnfa0
1'0St, and just such 4 quarrel is a dis
grace to any community or party. III
couldn't get up better composed quar-
rel than either of them did on that oc-
caslon, I'd quit. The fact is, no man
should presume to quarrel with another
unless he is fully competent to do the
occasion justice. For every time such
a thing is done, and q botch made, the
cause is injured and men who might. by
patience and practice make good quar-
refers, become disguised and abandon
the practice.
NO settlement, ncighborhood, town,
or village should be without at least one
expert in the art of quarreling.
we had man in our town A few
years since, that could beat any man
wording a quarrel ever saw. would
sooner plance into ring, a living sacri-
nce' with Joe Colburn the great pugi-
list, than to undertake a quarrel with
this man. He knew exactly where and
when to put in cuss words, without
which quarrel is failure), and the
emphasls placed upon the large cusses
was SO clear and distinct, that no one
need be deceived as to their true mean
ing. Then, in all his cuss words with
TWO or more sylIables, he pronounced
each syllable distinctly, and in turning
the corners he left them smooth and
nice. And then when it narrowed
oo"n TO giving a mans pedigree, no
morse jockey could give the pedigree of
his horse as well as he could give that
OF man he never saw before. provided
he had occasion to quarrel with him.
His rs were always fully sounded and
his Us judiciouslY distributed, wher-
ever occasion required. The long words
properly divided into syllables, and cor
''-ctiy a"cented, and yet he was a man
OF very limited education.
To think that such types of education
and good morals as Bristow and Col
johnson men who should at least know
how 10 use the English language cor
rectly-shOuld use such slang as : tsYou-
re liar" - you're another" is
to say the least of it. a fraud on the
profession No doubt both of them
spoke the truth, and none knew it bet
ter than they did, but neither of them
said half enough.
"A quarrel, as general thing, is rather
nuisance, but when well worded, inter-
spersed with cuss words, and accompa-
MED with significant gestures, convey
ing to the minds of the spectators that
it is just that way, there is an cnchant-
ment about it that fear but few have
experienced.
There is just as much art about quar-
reling, as there is in the pugilistie avo-
cation; and it is usually much more
pleasant to spectators, but to the van
pushed foe, nothing is more miserable.
think it highly probable that many an
honest man has been so thoroughly con-
vinced by his adversary that he was
thief and scoundreI, that he at once
took to thieving for living.
A quarreler, " ell versed in the manual
of words, upon which to erect sub
quarrel, can much sooner and
more completely demolish his adversary
than regular pugilist can his; and all
the training in the world will never in
luce the vanquiShed to attack his adver- |
sary again. He feels that he has been |
fairly beaten, and if he believes half his
adversary has said, his conscience tells
him he is an unmitigated scoundrel.
One of the beauties abouta good quar-
eel is to speak SO as to make your adyer-
AIRY, as well as spectators, believe what
5 not 50. If you only speak what is so,
nd what everybody knows to be true,
'ou have gained nothing. There's
where the joke comes in on Bristow and
ohnson. The idea is TO so word your
understanding il together as you
% with cuss words-sO that no man can
or a moment doubt what you say. Take
mple time, don't crowd your words, di-
ide your syllables, emphasize the ten
trokes, pronounce distinctly, and occa-
ionally grease the axle of your tongue
18th essence of still-slop, just enough
} make it run glib.
Follow these directions, Cousin John,
nd you will have but little occasion to
MI so often through the columns of the !
AzETTE for wood, as pay, for your pa
err. a
There is one thing about a good quar- j
Ter that should induce every man to
lucate his children in that art; that is,
lat he never loses any bad debts. A
an will risk the II per cent. added /
ito his tax rather than let debt to an ?
,pert quarreler run one day beyond /
at agreed upon. This, of itself, is !,
lite an item, Cousin John, at this day
II time. BAscUM. :
k1S@ In is said fit..f Ia. ,lse Com p