Connecticut western news., 1877-07-13
HUMOROUS.

.- HUMOROUS. -.---.
 THE Box AT, THE SoDA-W AFER FoUN- TAIN.-He was rinsing the glasses when the old lady entered the store, It was hot weather, and the soda fountain looked so tempting that she conquered her avarice and walked over and told the boy that she would take glass.
 tDo you wish for fly in it?" he in- quired in 8 whisper.
 CA fly? grashus! no!" she replied, a look of disgust on her face. tfJust as you say, madam" he went "People are so different in tastes, you know. Some object to flies and some don't. I'll mix some pine apple syrup with this lemon, and now win you have a great deal of gas and little water, or great deal of water and little gas ?''
 ''l'm purity thirsty" she said.
 "Well, then, you want more water than gas, and there won't be so much danger of an explosion"
 Explosion ?" she queried.
 "That was the word, madam. "We have had but few such accidents here this summer, and truly hope that we may have no more." t.ssg .yf 2.sf
 "Does soda water blow up folks ?"
 "That depends on the state of their health. Some people could stand here and drink it all day, while others might get the glass tipped up this way, and booml they'd go."
 'Bust?'
 s'Yes'm-f1y into thousand pieces. You never saw human being explode, did you?'
 "Mercy, no!"
 SGVVall 1vo,, d,>,, St lo,,o +l, n 1ooe+ ,,,, u,, ing. They may be laughing or talking, and all at once the store is filled with false hair, monogram garters, bustles corsets, feet, teeth and rolled plate jewelry. It makes great muss around here, and if we hadn't three of the smartest negroes in town to pick uI and sweep out we'd have to shut up the store for whole afternoon after an ex- plosion."
 He stood with the glass in his hand agitating the syrup and waiting, and she said: :t
 q didn't suppose it was dangerous stuff" .- %. es
 "Well, as told you, it depends on the state of the system. If your liver is torpid and your digestion impaired, one glass of soda water would blow you higher than Gilderoy's kite, and the coroner would be lucky to find as much as your spectacles to hold an inquest on. If your system is all right, you might drink a hundred glasses and fec no disastrous effects. Now, then, you Il have good deal of water and but little gas, eh!"
 She made a deprecatory motion and asked: -,p..
 elbows the stuff nader"
 Swell, I can't go and explain all the process. There's marble dust, acid gas, sugar-coated pills, giant pow der, cologne water and Kerosene all mix eC together and then distilled. The dis. titled liquor is then placed in retort where chemical action separates il and the gas forces it up separate pipes.
 s..Kerosene and pills!" she. .gasped.
 sEThat's what said, madam. You look innocent and honest, and hope you won't say anything about it. I tenc this fountain to support a widowed mother and seven fatherless children If you should say anything I'd be dis charged, and if l were discharged should commit suicide. You'll have plenty of water, eh ?"
 "No, sir, 1 won't," she replied "Do you suppose I'd drink acids ant kerosene?"
 "Not ill their rude state, madam, bu this process"
 "I don't care for the process!'' sht snapped; ''I wouldn't touch the stuff r
 'lt is 8 mild beverage, madam, ant the doc-'
 "Well, don't want any. When go to swallowing tar and lard ant kerosene you'll know it! S'posen drank some and exploded!'
 "Don't mention it 1" he whispered.
 "Don't speak of it!'' "I'm sorry fol you, young man, but there's consta ble living right in sight of our house and 1 think l|Lv'
 "You'u drive me to suicides grave you mean!"
 She lowered her spectacles, took , long look at him and went out withou replying.