The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1877-11-08
Racy Souvenir Of Tom Corwin.

This letter was written by the witty and
eccentric Tom Corwin to the late Thomas B.
Esq, of Maysville, KY. and now,
by the courtesy OF member of the Steven /
son family, first sees the light in FitSgerald's
Newspaper:
LEBANON, 9th August, as.
Dear Toni won't 90 to Drennon; I
won't go to Kentucky; won't 60 to Gin
cinnati; nay, lnore-don't think me UNI
kind-I won't go to the devil The domin-
ions of the latter potentiate have so many
of my friends-''old settlers that l
have resolved to try another climate and see
if it will not improve the breed Of our fami-
ly. Poor little Galley, who can persuade
me to almost anything in reason, looked ell
oquently on the subject when l read your
proposal; but was adamant.
After the news of yesterday. tRhadaman-
thus, had he got a glimpse of NE, would have
cut his throat out Of pure envy. How could
live day at Drennon? There would not
be iuleps enough Gf Kentucky had five tons
OF mint to the acre and full moiety of No
abs deluge were brewed with it, to drown
the chagrin and blue devils that seized me,
as joint tenants of my inner man, with the
'Jus accrescendi'' to the survivor, when 1
looked into my letter and newspaper mail
yesterday.
Tom, you are FOOL my dear fellow--it is
true, and pure love OF you compels me to tell
you so. Besides. You don't stand any chance
of finding it out in Kentucky, for they don't
know it there: SO can't keep the secret any
longer. You are fool, Tom B. Stevenson.
know it, because am one myself, and
know what ails fellow with that complaint,
having suffered with it from the 10th day of
December, Ammo Domini 1927. God help
me, / am chronicle am in the ''rice water
stage" Go to Drennon. Tom, and let me
alone to ''die easy."ras9 a. f.a.f
Don't say this is letter-it is no such
thing; it is only answering your question.
Don't misrepresent me on this point in your
obituary notice Of me. Quit lying, Tom
It is bad enough to be an honest, truthful
Humbug IS but lying has not been respecta-
be since Moses came down from the Mount,
with half perch of granite on his back,
calling it ''Revised Code.'' frf
Ifyou would make a fortune for your
daughters, such as would tempt dukes to
their marriage-beds, dig up my carcass. cut
off my head, and show my face for All incar-
nation ofssSublime Melancholy All the
sculpt0rs from Phidias to Powers could not
match it, or initiate It,
We had thu der-storm last eight that
threatened ''clausum .ffugit' on my bed
chamber. | seized the news from Tennessee.
threw off my nigft-shirt, and stool stark
naked, looking erim.detiance at the light
ming. At each thunder peal, waved my
Tennessee newspaper; the storm exclaimed
that it had come near ..desolate old man y
in ertremis, blushed white and skulked of
toward the Western Reserve, where, 1 hum
bly, trust. it deposited a bolt or two in the
godly abdominal 'sarctums sa,actorum" oil
Joshua R. Giddings, Esq, charging his ex-
ecutors mileage for travel by the usual
routeN.
shall take a dose of hornet nests and
blue whiskey this evening latter tea.''l In
quire of ''widow Corwin,' when you come
back, how it worked you may want to try
it yourself some day. If you write on your
return, direct to the Elysian FIELDS, care Of
any friend of yours-if you have any friend
there. Don't let Amos Kendall know oil
your WI iting he would be sure to telegraph
Polk to have the letter stopped on this side
OF the Styx, and copieus extracts sent to
Richie and Burke.
If you see Crittenden tell him to hang
himself. II Letcher is there kill him. Meth.
er OF these men are of any account.
A new constitution, ordaining perpet.
nal slavery and perpetual Locofocoism
for KentuckylI. If they can stand it, pray
God they may be condemned to live forever
in this world. Tom CoRwIN.
NOTEs.-fThe news of the defeat of the
Wing candidate for Governor of Tennessee.
THE date of his entrance into political
life. 81 Fh Is y AFNEi
Ss'Honest, Truthful IIumbug'' A soubri-
qnet which he humorously applied to him.
self. G
NAlluding to the newspaper elimination
that the last claims Of Mr.. Giddings IA re.
cusant Wing, afterward strong Free Soil
err for mileage, as member of Congress,
much exceeded his former claims, though
the ''travel by the usual route,'' for which
the law provided payment, remained the
same.
*The word telegraph. as verb active, is
Corwinism not then in the dictionary.
IlThe Democrats of Kentucky, though the
Wings had long held the ascendant, had just
vention to frame new Constitution for the
State Government,