The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-04-05
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.

A MEDICAL regiment-The Lsncers.
OUT ofseasen-An empty pepper-box.
A PITTsBURG paper calls Alexis a
Czardine.
How to find out what's in name
Put it on the back of q note.
ALABAMA land has been selling for
cent per acre at Sheriff. sale. Ten acres
gone every time you smoke cigar.
IT was the shrewd remark of an old
Florentine that economy does not consist
only in saving and sparing, but also in
using everything when there is need for
it.
THE proprietor of a young ladies'
academy has utterly ruined his business
by causing tobe inserted in large num-
Der of newspapers picture of the build
ing, with two girls standing on the bal.
cony with last years hats on their heads.
SCENE in an Iowa court. Judge:
"That point has been decided against
you by every court in Christendom, sir,
and there IS no use of further argument"
Lawyer: every true, but your Honor
frequently decides against every court
in Christendom r'
A SAILOR was recently brought before
magistrate for beating his wife, when
the magistrate attempted to reach his
heart by asking him if he did not know
that his wife was the weaker vessel"
" If she is she oughtn't to carry so much
sail! |" replied Jack.
A PARTY who recently lectured in
Denver appeared 10 be somewhat dis
satisfied with his reception. "Did you
have large audience?" asked sympa-
thetic friend. "No; the authorities hav-
ing neglected to close the saloons, there
was not much of an attendance"
A LADY, whose cook went to wake,
was given notice by her'a fortnight af-
terward that she was going to be mar
ried. "Who TOT" asked the mistress.
Phase, mann, to the husband of the
corpse" Why, does he love your"
was the next question. "Oh yes, man;
he said l was the light of the funeral"
SLEEP.
When to soft sleep we give ourselves away,
And in dream, as in fairy bark,
Drift on and on, through the enchanted dark,
To purple daybresk-little thought we pay
To that sweet-bitter world, we know by day.
We are clear quit of it, as is the lark
So high in heaven, no human eye may mark
The thin swift pinion, cleaving through the gray.
Till we awake, i'll fate can do no i'll,
The resting heart shall not take up again
The heavy load that yet must make it bleed:
For this brief space, the loud worlds voice is STILL
Nofaintest echo of it brings us pain.
How will it be when we shall sleep indeed?
The God of the true, the good, and
the beautiful" is painting everything
that grows in this part of the earth, in
colors beyond the power of mortal man
to transfer to canvas. Flower, grass,
tree, sky, in fact, everything that comes
direct from his creating hand, attest the
faultless taste, the wonderful wisdom of
Him who reigns on high.
AN ELUSIVE Quebec grocer advertises
"the peculiar delicscies of the far-off Ind,
and the finely favored and humanizing
leaf of the still further Cathay the more
exciting though not less delicious berry
of Brazil, and the spices, sugars, and
luscious fruits of the Antilles; the su-
CARED condiments and the blood-enrich-
ing wines of the Mediterranean, and the
salt-cured and brain-renewing fish Of our
own stormy Gulf" What he means to
say is that he sells tea, coffee, and cod
fish cheap for cash.
A CHoCTAw brave named Gahazi
Carpenter filled himself with fre-water
in New York City and proceeded to de-
molish inoffensive Indians on guard at
cigar shops. He Glove the skull of
Tecumseh and was trying to scalp
newly painted Pocahontss when the po-
lice interfered. Gahazi complained that
when a pale face got drunk in the far
West the red man allowed him to 60 to
sleep, but in the pale face cities the red
man who drank too much was put in the
calaboose. The Judge let him 60.