Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-06-15
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II a. ~
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How He GOT INTO TROUBLE AT A
MILLINERY SHoP.-Sanders is great
winker. He can't talk to you two minutes
without enforcing his point with drop of
one Of his upper eyel ids he never takes
letter out of the Office without winking at
one of the clerks; he winks when he duns
you, and gives you SLY one when he pays
bill. When he meets and greets you on
the street, it is always with a significant
closing of the left eye, and when he has a
stunning piece of news to tell you his wink
is one of the gravest import. The world
moved along smoothly enough with San
ders until last Friday. Up to that time
he had gone winking and blinking along
peacefully enough, and no clouds had OBJ
scured his happiness; but pail is hang
ing over Sanders now. and life has no
charms for him.-It'S all his Wife's fault,
he SAYS. She had no business sending him
to a millinery store. She wanted bow to
match one on her hat, and she started San
ders off to procure it. He entered the store
whistling, and when one of the shop girls
approached and said. "Good Morning."
He winked and replied ''Good morning."
The girl blushed and looked nervous:
Sanders displayed the bow and said:
SCOT anything to match tnat ?" and
winked again. The girl vanished to the
back room with flaming checks, leaving
Sanders to stare after her in open-mouth-
ed wonder. In a minute or two the boss
milliner. who had been Informed Of his ac-
lions, appeared. She was highly indignant,
and as she slammed the door behind her
she said, ''Sir--''
''Gocd morning, madame, said Sanders
ssFne day, amt it now and wink was
unconsciously slung at the lady. She bri-
died up instantly.
s:Sir, the conduct"
''Of that girl" interrupted Sanders.
s'Oh, that's all right never mind her-lit-
tie bashful, ell ?"
Another tremendous wink.
~ cannot permit such conduct, sir-It
is shameful and insulting.
ssNot at all not at all' says Sanders.
still off the track. "Don't say another
word; we understand each other"
Another portentons wink.
The mlliner vanishes, slamm;ng the
back door behind her, and Sanders sinks
into seat circulating ''Well, ] III be dog
goned!'' But he bounced up quick when
a gentleman entered. and calling him ian
old hippopotamus, proceeded TO divest
himself of his coat and squaring off at San
ders cried out;
'sNoW, then, come on %
::Why, why, bless me, what does this
mean ?'' said Sanders.
ooh, yes, you're nice one, you are.
What Of place do you take this for, CON-
ing around and insulting women and girls
with your winks. Come Gil % and he
danced around Sanders. He got one in Oh
Sanders oyer the eye; his left duke felt of
Sanders ribs, while his right ratified
around all over Sanders mug, and wheli
he got through with Sanders that lndivid
ua was as badly demoralized as Il pig in
whrlwud, and he never found out what
it was all about until the milliner's hus-
band, who had asceraained his habit, called
hands, said it was all right, and vas just
about to wink again when he checked
himself and said:
:'Blame it, I'll swear off from that hab-
it - and then he turned and Winked at
the wall to enforce the oath.
The following story is told by a Hart |
ford clergyman On his way home from
church he found himself behind three la
dies engaged in a lively discussion over
the music of the service, one commencing !
the soprano and another the terror, While |
the third stoutly defended both. AS the |
discussion became warm, the third lady |
sought to pour Oil on the troubled waters,
and, in the words of the clergyman, 'did |
so to perfection by judicous and truth
full remark, to which all of them at once
assented; she simply said, ''Well, it was
miserable sermon, anyhow %
"My wife tells the truth three times
day. remarked a jocose old fellow, at the
same time casting Il very mischeyious
glance at her. before rising i'll the morn
ing she says: 'Oh, dear, l must get up, but
[ don't want to- After breakfast she
adds: We'll, 1 suppose must 60 to work,
but [ don't want to- And she goes to bed
saying There, I have been fusslng all
day and haven't done anything.'''
Tommy is fond of sugar, and asks his
mother for some to eat with his strawbe-
ries. She refuses. He appears resigned,
but adds, gravely: "You know, mamma,
what happened around the corner ? There
was a little boy, and his mother would not
give him any sugar on his Strawberries
and-''-And- ''And mex. day
he fell into well
A bereaved husband in Elizabeth town
requested the stone cutter to lnscribe the
following on his wife, gravestone mine
wife Susan is dead. if she had lived till next
Friday she'd been dead shust two weeks
AS tree falls so must it stand. All things
is impossible nit Got"
An 1rishman seeing veSSl very hfavi-
ly laden, and scarsely above the waters
edge exclaimed Upon my sowl, if tie
river was little higher tie ship would go
to the bottom.
Lawyers fees have come down in the |
West. They used to want the whole estate
for settleiEg it but now they allow tie wi