The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-02-03
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


The statesman of the Morris Herald imagine
himself already in congress and inserts a TIVE
column speech IN his paper OF Saturday agains
the compromise plan to count The presidential
vote. Had the speech got to Washington before
the bill passed, doubtless the thing would have
been smashed. After enumerating his objections
UP to 19thly, our statesman crowns them all
with the crusher, that the adoption of the plan
would amount to concession that there are
doubts about Hayess electionw Ish dot so:
Editorial amenities in Cincinnati are charac.
terized by all the energy and freshness that im-
part such a fascination to those OF Arkansas ana
Texas. The new editor OF the Enquirer calls
Halstead, of the COMMERCIAL "A consummatc
liar,n" a constituencies, unprincpled low-liyed,
beefy, crnging, fawning, merchandise seliseek-
er:""a man without friend,""a filthy black
guard" " a NANCY dog" "a poor, iniirm, weak,
and desplsed old man." and "a thief" The Com
,,,ercial payfuly retorts that it is melancholy
TO behold corn-fed child of nature losing the
fine curyatures of youth while still in the TWEEN
ties" The newspaper readers Of Cincinnati get
their moneys worth and are saved the expense
Ot DuylUG IuISOu NCChiy'
Pope Bob Ingersoll, it is said, is about to take
the lecture field The prime article Of his creed
is that every man makes his own gods, so that
Bob's lectures will doubtless be largely devoted
to the apotheosis of the two leading objects Of
his worship-Blaine and Beelzcbub
The regulation adopted by the Illinois Central
Railroad, Of requiring every editor to whom a
pass is issued to have 1t backed by his photo.
graph, is causing some commotion along the
line OF the road. Some OF the editors are SO
homely that the photographers decline to sub
Jet their machines to the required strain.
Logotec, Indiana, is excited over queer law
suit. pretty teacher in that town undertook
70 rattan big male scholar, who took her up
tendcrly and kissed her. She sues for damages
1t seems odd to ask damages for kiss, but If
some precedent of the kind is not established
what is pretty little school marin to do?
The Rochester Democrat has bought poet who
thus tunes his lay:
He raised his knife and paused A ghostly glare
Cleaned from his eyes like moonbeams thro a
Shutterl
l watched him, moyeless, in that fixed, strange
stare!
j snuuueTcu rs ] saw his Ups SCI JIlcrc
Repress the shrcks his startled soul would
utter!
What saw he? Nothing but womans hair
Twas in the butter.
4 rural correspondent writes: is there any
good shooting your way:' No, there is no good
shooting our way, no good In the world Be-
sides, II you 90 to shooting our way, and we
hear of it, wen have you arrested. There Is no
good shooting any way.-CincinndG Saturday
Night. Doubtless II would be safer to try May
and Benefits way of shooting.
The Oregon Courier boasts the possession of
scorched copy Of the New York Independeat that
was snatcheG from the burning wreck at Asia
bula, and invites its readers to come and see it.
We have a badly scorched copy of the New York
Observer, that was snatchcd the other morning
from the coal hod. 1t is a better paper than the
Independent and quite rs badly scorched- No
charge to see il.
II you call the Michigan people michigan.
dcrs" says the Hartford Courant, isn't an illinois
man an " Tllnoister?" And isn't a Connecticut
man a Connectcutter?' replies the Inter. Occan.
And New Hampshire man a" Newhampshear-
err" a Massachusetts, man, n Massachusetter,"
and an Arkansas man an Arknnsawyer; and
Minnesota man Minnesotater, and so forth.
The Chicago Journal remarks: "There are
people in this world who would make Just as
Euch stir, and do just as much good and benefit
society as much-and we don't know but more
were they killed and stuffed"
A"patcut item in the Rochelle RegiSter in.
forms the public that hogs "sGuca" is the
only thing about him which cannot be utilized
The query is, what use the porcine scientists
have made of the "curl in his taly'
The great obituary poet Of the Philadelphia
Ledge, has some miserable imltators, as witness
the following in the New York Sun:
IL was cough
That carried me of;
IL was coffin
They carried me off In.
The editor OF the Joliet PLdnih finds it eco
nomical to let his horse stable 20 all winter
without cleaning. lie says, "After about month";
the old horse stands so much higher behind than
he does before that he is obliged to swallow his
vlctuals up HILL That takes more time and
saves hay. The difference amounts to half a
ton In six months.
Are blacksmiths who make a living hy forg.
ing, or carpenters who do q little countcr.ltting
any worse than men who sell iron and steel for
living!-St. Louis Journal
The editor Of the Tonica NeicS has grievance.
A fellow told him that at John Becks party they
had sourkrout for dessert, upon which Beck
bulldozed the editor and the fellow" swore he
had never reported anything Of the kind. The
editor sagely concludes that a fellow that tells
two stories, one contradictlng the the other,
can't be relied on That sounds reasonable,
but will it cure black eye:
A woman with bees nest in her hair would
probably be lively spectacle; but Joaquin Mil
ler tries, in the IndepeEdEi, to make such a
thing romantic, as follows;
II all the world garden were,
And women were but bowers;
II men were bees that busted there
Through all the summer hours;
Oh. would hum the garden through,
For honey till came TO you.
Then | should hive within your hair,
Its sun and gold together;