The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-07-21
Dry Toast.

THE man who allwuss beats when he
argys with himself allwuss gifts beat
when he argys with others.
Men ov excellent judgment often hav
the least executive ability.
If hav got to hav either weak friend
or a violent enemy, I say, Civ me the
enemy.
True courage never givs up until it
gifts beat, but then givs it up gracefully.
When yu cum akrost aman who neither
flattery nor abuse won't stimulate, let
him alone-he haz gone to seed.
The CRATE trubble with most ov think
ing people IL they are hunting after CRATE
truths, and overlooking the little ones;
all the CRATE truths kan be kounted on
yure fingers, while the little ones are az
numerous az the moments ov time.
1t IL the eazyest kind ov a thing to de-
fine a gentleman strikly honest man IL
allwuss a gentleman.
Politeness never makes emmy blunders;
it often gifts snubbed, but never gifts
beat.
Thare IL lots ovpeople who won't learn
ennything even bi experience; they are
butting agin stun walls all their life, and
never find out that the stun wall il the
hardest until at last they hav butted
their branes out.
Ambishun haz no friendships; after it
haZ reached the top round in the ladder
of fame it IL anxious to pull the ladder
up after them.
Thare never waz a woman yet but what
had rather look up to her husband, and
who never looked down upon him until
she was obliged to.
Thare IL one thing that il harder for
sum people to learn and even stick to
than the Ten Commandments, and that
is, to allwuss shut door after them when
they go out
Don't dispize yure poor relashuns;
they may bekum ritch some time, and it
will be awkward then to explain things
to them.
Obituary notisses, to beov ennv value,
must be true, and it il too often the case
that if they are true they are ov no value
One ov the best trades that emmy man
could make would be to swap oft what he
thinks he knows for what he don't know.
Take what we enjoy in this life and
add to it what we suffer, then divide bi
what we deserve, and we shall find the
quotient just about right.
define kissing az luvs dual, at short
range.
A mans pashuns are his steam rover,
but he must keep hiz hand on the throt-
tle-valve all the time.
knO lots ov people who wont never
indorse ennything until it haz bekum a
sure failure, and then they tell yu they
knu all the time the thing wouldn t
work.
hav all mi life been in the habit ov
casting an ockashional slice of bread
onto the waters, and hav tried not to
care whether it ever floated back or not.
The very best listeners we hav are
thoze who hav the best right to do the
talking
Thare IL very often less danger in fac
ing ditfikultys than in trieing to avoid
them; so in battle more men are lost in
the retreat than in the fight.
| hav allwuss notissed that the pet
things in this world are more apt to git
out ov repair than emmy others.
If man IL pleazcd or displeazed with
ennything, like to hear him say so out
loud; it IL only the mules that hav right
to mutter and be sullen
Yung man, after yu hav lived about
thirty years longer yu wont kno but about
half ~ mulch az yu kno now; but what
yu do know will be worth twice az
mulch to yu.
If yu are going to do man a favour,
do it at once; this pulling man out ov
the fire bi inches when yu kan just az
well do it at a jerk IL the wust kind ov
kruelty.
Wize men are never stubborn; they are
the only ones who kan afford not to be.
The maddest thing have ever seen in
this world, ackording to the hight and
size ov it, IL kat's back and tail
An honest man kant disguise hiz kar-
akter; a dishonest one sumtimes kan.
A baby IL a blessed lump; they hav
brought more JOY to this world than en-
nything else that haz ever entered it.
Josh Billings