The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-08-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

AotnScnlIQ.-NelU YORK Commercial
The Russians were worsted in Arme-
MA, and now who knows but that they
will be cotton the Danube?
DARE to do right; dare to be true
kick at your mother-in-law if she kicks
you.
"YoU seem to walk more erect than
usual, my friend" eyes, [ have been
Strengthened by circumstances. +"
An Irish lover remarks: cts a very
great pleasure to be alone. especially
when yer sweetheart is wild ye
THE origin of the word muf. applied
to fool, is said to be that muff holds
woman's hand without squeezing it.
tTHERE must be lawn order" said the
Judge, yesterday, pushing his little
mower vigorously.-Roche8t0r Demo-
cTGt.
GRACIOUS me!' exclaimed a lady in
q witness-box, chow should know any
thing about anything I don't know any
thing about? ?"
The married ladies of a Western city
have formed Come-home-husban
Club" It is about four feet long. and
has brush on the end of it.
Spots on nowly-painted doorsteps
show that lovers oft forget; and when
tired of promenading, are not careful
where they set.
A BRATTLEBoRo paper records the
marriage of John Sard and Mary Dean.
And now they are Sard-Deans-only two
in a box.
HE Gar is accompanied by Suwaroff.
We have heard Of the latter frequently
about the LIST of January, but never saw
him in the flesh. -COurier-J Journal.
SOME men can sit on a candle-box and
lay out the European campaign, and tell
almost everything that is to occur in the
future, except where their next dinner is
to come from.-GrGph5c
IT was aVassar girl who, when sailor
Of forty years voyagings had been
pointed out to her as an cold salt" sub
sequently alluded to him as " an ancient
chloride Of sodium"
"WHERE is the dollar of our fathers ?"
shrieks an exchange excitedly. You
needn't look this way SO intently. We're
willing to be searched. -R0ckl0nd COasg-
9eT.
SOME Of the members of the Legisla-
ture must be serving with the Russians,
for the telegraph told us on Tuesday
that there were two passes in their pos
session. ''-B0sto93 Bulletin.
"IMIss c." said a gentleman, one
evening, "Why are ladies so fond of Of
ficers ?" Chow stupid p replied Miss
c.; Sis 1t not natural and proper
that a lady should like a good offer,
sir
my mamma has got chatelaine on
her watch, " said small soiourner at
the seaside to her playmate. clio!
that's nothing" responded the chal-
lenged scrap, MY papa has got chat
tel mortgage on his watch. "-BOstOaa
Bulletin.
NOTHING undernlines ones faith in q
mans iberality to the church so much
as to see him stick his hands down deep
into his pockets as the contribution box
is travelling his way, look astonished,
and then remark to his next neighbor,
GIVE got on my other pants"
beef.
And ali I loved IN other days,
Gaze on me with lUgubrious gaze
And turn my liver inside out
And through their ranks one pIaintive call
From lip to lip has ever crossed;
''Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all ~
LITERARY young man at party
'Miss Jones, have you seen 'Crabbe's
Tales 2" Young lady (scornfully)-"I
was not aware that crabs had tails"
Literary young man Covered with con-
FUSION =" [ beg your pardon, ma'am; I
should have said, read Crabbe's Tales?'"
Young lady (angrily scornfuD-"A And I
was not aware red crabs had tails, either"
Exit young man.
THEyoung couple glided deity through
the giddy dance. Their countenances
beamed with the light Of love and pleas
ure. She seemed to move in a delirious
ecstasy, when, crash they came into
collision with an elderly pair, who seemed
to have taken lessons in dancing late in
life. The young maid fell; tenderly her
partner assisted her to rise, and poured
a stream of coincidence and apology into
her ear. "Oh, it doesn't much NATTER
she said, Gas [ had my new cardinal
striped stockings on"
"TUR' BEL strike downtown, % remarked
a South Hill man, in an explanatory
tone of countenance, as he crawled
vaguely into bed at a. m. ''All role
raid shops shutup. Drefel excitement.
Workinmen all on strike" And his low
ing wife shifted the surrounding atmos-
phere suspiciously before she replied,
q Yes? I should think by the way it
smells, that all the barkeepers were on
a strike" And then he gave himself
dead away by explaining that he had to
chew cloves for his asthma.-K0aOk-
Eye.
A Direct Appeal.