Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1877-10-11
Aumurous 2epartment.
sCHNEIDER,S TOMATOES.

~ SCHNEIDER'S TOMATOES.
Schneider is fond of tomatoes. Schneider
has friend in the country who raises "gar-
den sass and sich." Schneider had an ,invi-
tation to visit his friend last week, and regale
himself on his favorite vegetable. His friend
Pfeifer being busy negotiating with city
produce dealer on his arrival, Schneider
thought he would take a stroll in the garden
and see some of his favorites in their pristine
beauty. We will let him tell the rest of his
story in bis own language.
"Vell, walks shust liddle While roundt,
when sees some of dose dermaters vot vos so
red und nice as nefer dit see any more, und
I dinks will put mineself outside about a
gouple-a- tozen, shust to geef me liddle ab-
bette vor dinner So bulls off Won ov der
reddest und pest lookin' of dose dermarters,
und dakes pooty goot bite out Of dot, und
vas chewing it CUP pooty quick, ven-by
chiminy II dort bad peese ov red-hot
goals in mine mout, or vas chewing CUP dwo
or dree bapers of needles und I velt 80 pad,
already, dot mine eyes vas WOOL ov tears, und
I mate vor an 'olt oxen bucket vot l seen
hanging in der veil, as vas goomin' along.
"Shust den mine vriend Pfeiffer game
CUP und ask me vot mate me veel 80 pad,
und if any of mine vamily vas dead. ! dold
him dot vas der only Won ov der vamlly dot
vas pooty sick; und den ask him vot kind
ov dermarters dose vas vot hat shust been
bicking unit, mine gracious, how dot lands
man laughft, and said dot dose vas red pep
pers dot he vas raising vor bepper.sauce.
You pet my life I vas mat. RAIDER you
gife me feefty tollars as to eat some more OF
dose bepper sauce dermattsrs."
Nor so DULL AS He LooKED.-He was q
stupid darky, anybody could see that, and as
he walked into Vicksburg grocery store, some
of the idlers that congregated in that neigh
borhood determined to play joke on him
He walked up to the landlord and asked him
for work-anything, no matter what it was,
so long as it paid living. The landlord had
no work, but referred him to Bill Dobbins,
who sat on chair near by, with his feet
perched on BARREL Bill had the reputation
of being terrible wag, and as the darky ap-
preached him the boys crowded round to see
the fun.
"Boss I'm hard up; can't you give me a
iob?" asked the negro. ....
Bill looked up, winked at the boys, and
replied: eyes, 1 think 1 can; if you'll feed
yourself and furnish the stock, I'll get you
to do some blowing for me-"
Bill laughed at this witty sally, the boys
laughed, and the landlord roared, Bill being
one of his best customers. The darky scratch
ed his head, appeared to reflect a minute, and
then remarked:
II can't do that, boss had proposition
Just like that this morning, and as the other
man came first, think he ought to hab the
preference" ..#H. ?,
"What was it?" inquired Bill
"Well," says the darky, II asked man for
work this morning, and he says: 'Ifyou'll fur.
nish the lines and the bait, I'll give you half
the fish you ketch.'" i
"Says Bill: II believe that puts the drinks
on mel" And they drank.
A M1sFoRTUNE-AnI Irishman arrested for
highway robbery, on being brought before a
magistrate, asserted that he was more entitled
to be pitied than punished. "Pitied p ex-
claimed the justice, while his eyebrows arch
ed with more than ordinary wonder and con:
tempt; "and on what account, prayY'
"Shure, on account of my misfortune" "Your
misfortune, indeed! What! that we have
caught you, suppose?" "Oh, the gintleman
that's brought me here knows my misfortune
we'll enough" But the gentleman was as much
astonished as the magistrate himself, and as
incapable understanding the culprit's mean
ing. "You will own, 1 suppose" said his
worship, "that you stopped this gentleman on
the hig ghwayw "Oh, yes, I did the same:
"And that you took from him fifty pounds in
bank notes?" Sand there your honors right
again." "Well, then, you vagabond, what dc
you mesn by misfortune?" "Shure and the
money wasn't in my pocket week when the
bank stopped payment, and 1 was robbed Of
livery shillin'" 900.