The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-10-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

TINE fies-Fly time is over.
DOMESTIC pets-Matrimo1ial sulks.
GARDEN bugs and humbugs are thirty
ing.
AN air Of Importance Ones first
breath.
The oldest lunatic on record-Time
out of mind.
The bashful man who asked his girl if
her favorite beverage wasn't "pop," was
referred to her pepper.
WHAT is the difference between a girl
and a night-cap? One is born to wed
and the other is worn to bed.
''THERE isn't vegetable" says the
enthusiastic Worcester Press, "that can
catchup with the tomato"
STAGE-MANAGER (to cal1-boy): "John,
see if the ballet are all dressed" John
(1'etur7aingl: eyes, sir, about ready;
they've nearly got their clothes off.
Chow TO tell mad dog is the title
Of an article that is going the rounds.
We haven't anything to tell a mad dog
that we couldn't send to him on a postal
card.
A POPULAR clergyman in Philadelphia
delivered lecture on "Fools." The
tickets to it read "Lecture on Fools.
Admit one." There was large attend
ance.
A BOOK agent, the other day, talked
half an hour to induce lady to buy
book. She handed him slip of paper
on which was written cline defe and
dunn"
GENTLEMEN, [ introduce to you my
friend, who isn't as stupid as he appears
to be-" Introduced friend, with vivacity
-"That's precisely the difference be-
tween my friend and myself"
AN. exchange remarks: "The only
jokes women like to read are those which
reflect ridicule on the men," Yes, on
taking up paper a woman invariably
turns to the marriage column.
"THAT's our family tree" said an Ar
kansas youth, as he pointed to vigor-
GUS hemlock, and added, GA good many
of our folks have been hung on that tree
for borrowing horses after dark. "
IT was Boston man who went home
early in the morning, and, meeting the
sad, reproachful eyes of his wife, apollo
gised, "My darling, think you'll be
sorry for this when you git shober."
GA SOFT answer turneth away wrath"
yet man caught by his wife dealing soft
answers to a pretty widow next door
says he can show scars to prove that the
proverb didn't work well in mis- case.
AN old-school philosopher remarks
that if bread is the staff of life, pound
cake must be agold-headed cane. Doubt
less it is true, and two ice-creams and
girl are regular two-wheeled veloci-
pede.
OH there's beauty in the morning,
In the bluey. bluey blue,
In the rosy golden dawning
Ger the bluey, buey blue
But the winters chill is creeping
With it's blewy, blewv blew,
To set your nose to weeping,
All so bluey, bluey blue.
"YoU can't drink so much brandy with
said New York physician
20 a equity patient. "Perhaps not with
;napopaity, doctor, but with little pep
0OAAAAhO L 1c'AAOJ OHA 81 IL, WOO IhO %
'ene reply.
"PA," asked boy, "what is meant
~ paradise ?" Paradise, my son, " re- .
olied Mr.. Stanton, gloomily, "paradiee
s the latter part of next summer, when
7our mother goes on a visit to your
The architect who discovers a plan
double house may be built so
hat you can hear all that is said next
Ioor without the people being able to
lear word uttered on your side, will
lave no reason to complain OF stag
IatiOn in business.
The second night after her first hus-
,and died she sat by the open chamber
window five hours waiting for the Cat to
,egin fighting in the back yard. Said
he: sThis thing of going to sleep with
ut a Quarrel of some kind is so new that
can't stand it. Let me alone till they
egin; then I can doze off gently"
YE gods! Imagine my surprise
To find, on coming home last eve,
The neatest thing in pumpkin pies
a gift from charming GeneyieYe.
The crust was short and white snow;
The pumpkin cleaned like golden sands
The whole presented such show,
It seemed the work of fairy hands!
And when the prize came to eat,
AS the bee some new-found honey sips,
I fancied nothing else so sweet,
Save the nectar of the giver's lips
The Bankrupt Act.
Active measures are being taken
nong the opponents of the existing
law to secure its reOnal nv