The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-09-07
A LOST LIFE.
Memoir of u Man Who Died at II, Yet
Never Lived at All.

Memoir of Man Who Died at IL, Yet
Never Lived at All.
A few weeks ago there was found dead
in his house ut Dion, France, Paul Lee
grand, a man of II, and a well-known
character of the city. Evidences of sui
eide, in the presence of a half-emptied
laudanum bottle, and tumbler with the
dregs of dose of poison i'll the bottom,
were at hand, and on the table beside
them was the following most curious
memoir-a memoir which will take its
place in the collection of literary curiosi-
ties of the century, and by which the
author seems to have proved, very con-
clusively for himself, at least, that, dy-
ing at the age of II, he had not really
lived at all:
"All suffering, pain, ennui, despair,
sorrow, desire and regret should be taken
from our lives" he writes, and then pro-
ceeds to deduct those experiences from
his own score of years, and to foot up
the loss.
The whole memoir may perhaps be
explained by one of the opening clauses:
Sat the age of years l was weaned, "
it says. SAT 1 spoke, but badly; at 7
years cracked nay skull, and at 8 was
cured. l therefore deduct these nine
years from my existence-for it cannot
be called life to drink the sour milk OF
the nurfe, to speak incoherently, to crack
ones skull.
sat 8 years began my studies but
having hard head, in consequence OF
my cracked skull, was slow OF in
struction. At the end of two years
knew my alphabet, but at what cost
The letter u alone cost me l, 400 blows
with ruler, and the twenty-three others
martyred me. At II years could read,
it was true, but my body was wealed
with those alphabetical scars.
"They now endeavored to teach me
Latin, and / forgot my French. At IL
years / knew absolutely nothing at all,
and in consequence of bread-and-water
diet was mere skeleton. therefore
deduct, for my school-days, six years
more from my miserable life.
cat 10 my father apprenticed me as
clerk to notary. Now commenced q
new species of martyrdom. ] rose at 6,
swept the office, built the fire, and was
kicked by the head clerks, while my
father, in consequence of the complaints
made against me, deprived me of my
dinner. The five years i spent this way
/ deduct off what is left of my life.
"At 20 years my father, Disguised
with me, shipped me on vessel at
Cberbourg. / washed the forecastle,
coiled the cables, climbed the masts,
reefed the sails, and received at least
thirty blows on the back with a marlin
spike each day. This lasted for four
years, and at the end had no back left
at all.
cat "a years my father made me q
mercer, and married me to the daughter
of turner. On the night of the we'd
ding 1 discovered that my wife had q
wooden leg, manufactured by her father.
| The poor woman made me Thousand
excuses, and / pardoned her in consid-
Grafton of her dowry of 30, 900 francs, in
vested in o mortgage on a Guadaloupe
sugar plantation. But soon the negroes
of Guadalupe revolted and burned my
dowry. Nothing was left me but the
wooden leg.
cat 80 years / lost my wife of tu-
NOR ON her good leg. / had passed the
SIX years of my married life repeating
cNOiJ AllhuOC, NhoV iSOi l. Nuo "
take that wooden legr l therefore de.
duct these six years from life.
Having, like all the world, spent Q
third of my life in sleep, I deduct twenty.
four years more, which is less than q
just estimate, as l am great sleeper
Zone year more lost, minute TO,
minute, in hunting for the key of my
secretary, which always mislaid. Three
years vanished by my making such re.
marks as what time is it 2 1T is bad
weather to-day, I'm tired, Mon Deau
Mon Dieu ! etc., etc. Six months spent
in backing my boots, and six in brush.
ing my hat. One year lost in the be.
tween acts at the theateT. Another il
listening to new plays. year again
in complaining of soups with too much
salt in them, of overdone outlets, indi.
gestions, and hard eggs. Total, then
seventy-one years.
I" / think. then, that in rendering ur
my life to God, 1 am not making him 6
present of anything of much account"
Fighting on Tea.