Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1877-02-09
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.

Y lights cigar, then to his va let, with
horrible grimacc jean Baptste, " here in
thunder did tyou get that cigar?' ''ln the
blue porcelain box, sir sYou illimitable
idiot How often have told you that the
cigars in the blue box are for my friends ~
Paris paper.
The skeleton of cat walked into Ryan's
store at Hohokus Ryan seeing her, bawled
out Mickey, didn't tell ye month ago
to fade that cat pound Of mate day until
ye had her fat ~ "You did and I'm just
after fadcing her pound" Has that cat
ate pound this morning." "Yes, sill"
"ShuTe, think it's lie ye'er telling.
Bring Inc that scales. Now bring me that
cat" The cat turned the scale at exactly
one pound. There, didn't tell ye she
had eaten pound Of mate this mornin' ~
"All right, my boy; there's yer pound OF
mate but where the diyil's the cat ~
"Well, old fellow, what's the news?'
Nothing, only / am about to be married. P"
but why so gloomy about it 7" because
| want III, 900 francs. The contract is to be
signed to-day, and on my side have to show
10000 francs. I'm 10000 francs short.
evening" "God forbid But I'll tell you
how to manage it. ofcourse there is a man
tei-piece in the room, with mirror behind
it. Pile your le,000 francs up there; the
glass will repeat them, and at little dis
tsnce the illusion will be perfect" Il have
thought of that, butn-"But what ?'
1.-The 10000 francs have got are the l0,-
900 in the glass. .''-Frenoh story.
A German farmer living near Des Moines,
Iowa, had his barn insured for $500, which
was $500 more than it was worth. Not long
ago it was burned, and he demanded the full
amount of the policy. The company offered
to settle with him for 5000. and on receiving
a refusal, built a new barn for him. A week
ago life insurance agent called upon him
and asked him to have his wife's liies in
sured. The farmer offered the lcgic Of
analogy. 81 had my barn Insured for five
hundred tollars, und when it burned down
they pay me no five hundred tollars, but
build me new barn. Now get my frou
insured for one tousand tollars and she die
Den you give me no tousand tollars, bu,
make Inc take another old Dutch woman.
OATS what you make Inc do. don't want
my irOu insured
What i u cold deck and bob tai
fush?'' a young lady. the light of Soutl
Hill home, asked the other evening, looking
up from a newspaper she was reading
why" said her elder brother, "a cold det
:" and it was worth fifteen cents for
student Of human nature to note how sud
denly he checked himself, and what variet,
Of conflicting emotions played over his fac
as he bent over his book, aud pretended no
to perceive the sharp glance Of suspicious in
quiry which his father shot at him over hi
spectacles, while the silence was SO profound
and awful that the other members Of tn
family looked up and gazed around in DUN
amazement. An excess Of knowledge
often-times a burden. What does ma
want to make himself walking encyclopedi
for r?-Bwiingt0n Hdrkeye.
When Sitting Bull heard of the Bennett
May duel he merely remarked Ugh
Heap fre-water. No scalp. Ugh" Whe
All Sing heard OF it he SAID "kehi Melica
man burnee freclacker, alice same Chine
man. So joss he maBee looman bizness a
hghtee - When Sambo heard Of it he con
mented "Dat waz de Orneriest job Da
dey burned free loads OBJ powder desc har
llu1t, Will "a Fhoh q Oi' iiai
de brush an hab meat" When Pat &c
the news he asserted "Bedad It's meese
would rayther have been forninst aytht
wan oy 'em, VIXEN they war shootin', tha
at wan side, at all, at all ~ and when Ilar
read the dispatches he said, "Dat was eli
high old kriegspiel, b y-shinks Missqr
The Pontiac (Ill.) S'Htnei gives the 70
lowing as an incident Of the prevailin
frigid weather \ very pleasant affair too
place at the Western depot on Saturda
night. 1t seems that about ten O'Clock
thief stepped into Bob JohnsOn's coal-she
and begun to fill up his sack with Goa
When nearly done some one stepped I'M
the shed, and the .frst thiel, supposing
was johnson, knoc ked him over with
lump.of coal. The newcomer. also a CO.
thief, believing that Bob had been hiding
there to catch thieves, clinched his assailan
and in the end they were both badl ySbatte
ed. All this time JOnson sat in the dep
warming his tees and figuring up his day
profits.
A lady of religious turn Of mind, residir
in the country, was ANXIOUS to present h
nephew, who was going to sea, with son
slight testimony of her affection, and decide
if she could obtain it, to give him pio
work known As 1.-The Companion to Il
Altar" But the nearest town was nj
miles off, so she walked over to the neig
boring village, and inquired for the work
the general shop. which combined groceri'
haber-dashery and the postofhce with a!llt
bookselling. The proprietor replied that
thought be possessed the book, but all
running his finger along his shelf. he turn
around and said II am sorry to say tha
have not got it, madame but here is a wo
Of the same class, the Guide to Courtst
and marriage if that will suit you. ."-Lo
don Examiner