The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1877-12-22
LIGHTNING FLASHES.


| IeIGnl pbOpl6, udu0 q COnuuGUJ Vi Ill bO
many important transactions, meet so
many peculiar people, and see 81 many
! strange messages passing over the wire,
that you feel as il from some loopnole OF
| retreat you were viewing the world
shorn OF its shams and its pretens es, /,
Perhaps no class of men enjoy good
joke better than telegraphers, and they
certainly often find i'll the ordinary rou-
| tine duties OF their position many dis
patches calculated TO provoke smile.
| For instance; u Massachusetts man re-
Gently teleg aphed to his son:
81 am dying, come Immediately"
which eliciteG :he very sympathetic re-
ply: "Can not come. Let me know when
you die"
A message was sent not long since to
a doctor in this city from the husband OF
one of his patients, which read:
"Please come down right away, wife
very i'll" and fifteen minutes atterward
another, merely saying: "Gou need not
come. Funeral Tuesday ~
The following message, addressed 30
an insurance agent, recently passed
through the Western UniOn general Of
flee i'll this city:
"uave you received p"Oots of my
deaJu? They were forwarded sixty da! IS
ago.
"per Mary Baird"
AS the operators always ".UllOW
copy" and senders are often Little eX-
cIteu, very queer messages are SOM
times sent; tur example this one:
"GousIn: Go Tor AunJi0. Father is
dying as soon as poss ble."
An Irisuman-Oi cOursG-in Palmer,
Mass. sent the flowing message TO M
brother in New YORK:
"Your wife died yesterday. we will
wake her tonight. Come home. Z. S.
Doa't open this Tor two houpT, so as to
prepare yourself for the melancholy
news"
But the most IaughabIe messages are
generally those from love slck-swdlns t.
tueir sWeethearts. A gentleman in The
south not long since .telegrapled to his
| atiianced i'll Maine:
your life is a rich b uquet Of happi-
ness, yourself the sweetest flower. Ii
Northern winds Whisper Sputh .rn
wishes, how happy you must be! GOOD
night. Happy dreams, sweet love
Frank"
Tne following message recently passed.
| through the Chicago Office:
~ lent you Que year ago tO-nig "a 81.
| If you have not mad it long enough,
| please keep it one year Longer" To tuis
| delicate hint tnis answer was returned:
| clad forgotten IT, and hoped you mad.
| Let her run another year."
! Mr.. BeeCher, years ago, when he was
| but little known outs s.de OF New York Or
| Brookltn, received telegram from Y.
| NJ. q. A. in the West, asking nlm to come
| on and lecture for fame.
| His reply created hearty laugh in the
| telegraph office. IL was:
eyes; l VIII lec,ure tor f. a. NJ. E.
! fifty and my eNp1nses.'
| Operators, occasionally encounter
some very strange people in the way Of
! customers. 1t is quite aston shing what
| crude ideas many even IN elIsent peO-
pie have of tne telegraph. A German
once brought message to one Of the
| branch offices in this Guy for transms g.
sion. lL was SO indistinctly written
that the operator couldn't readIt, and
asked 10 be enlignted. Hans studied it
carefully for some. lime, but couldn't
| make it out either. Aller a while, how
ever, his face brIghteneu up, aud. he
| SAID:
Goa, well, just send it that way; he'll
| understand IT,"
A porter belonging to one Of the city
| hotels one night handed the operate: a
| message and q tWO-dOliar bill. The
operator returned him the change, and
| was not a little surprised 10 see him
walk off with both change and message.
''Ain't you going TO have the message
sen /" he inquired.
soap repIed the porter, 81 thought
| YOU had sent IL. l supposed that all YOU
mad to do was simply TO look at it,"
! A lady OF color once asked WhaL the
tariff Was to Portsmouth.
"What Portsmout1W asked the opera.
| tor.
"Wny, just Portsmouth"
! "WnaL State Is 1t In!"
"rh4-U-nlted States"
eyes, Dut there are over thirty States.
| Winch particular one"
81 never heard OF any Portsmouth but
the one"
And she looked like it.
After a littte Questioning she SPOKE OF
Richmond, ana he CONCLUDED IL was
| Virginia.
"Seventy-fye cents. for ten words"
"Well, WhaCs Il Word2 1 Want to say
| arrived sale, Uut my Trunk nasn't come
on. Please forward It at once by ex.
press, care of Mrs. Julia Johnson, with
out delay. Phi write as soon as ever ]
have tlme.' Is that more than one
word"
He thought it was.
Not long since man stopped at the
little wiuuow of q branch Ulhce in the
club" the lnAabitanL evidently of I
| little sphere of MS oWu, ouCside OF when
he Was lost in the maze5 o lie.
'Is this the telegraph Office" he
| asked, hesitatingly.
The young lady operator satisfied. hin
| Of Lhis fact.
81 want to telegraph" he proceeded
growing cOntidenlial-''I want to teIe
| IIn t,,I "A