Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1877-06-02
NO. 22.
Items of Interest.

There are six different ways Of spelling the
name Batoum, the Turkish port, but there is
only one way Of capturing it, and that is by
fighting.
Rats are so thick around Bloomington, ILL.,,
that the weary tramp who lies down in fence
corner is soon made to feel what poor, mis-
cradle creature he is.
The uncalled for baggage at hotel would
strike one as being full of lonely romance if
one didn't see the porter take out SO many
brickbats and old boots.
The hey of Tunis is hard up, the khedive of
Egypt can't pay his bills, and King Dahomey is
standing off bis wash bills for sixty days. Let
laboring men be consoled.
4 When you "pop the question" to lady, do
it with kind of laugh, as if you were joking.
If she accepts you, very we'll; if she does not
you can say you were - only in fun"
"Gone-faded into the dim mist which
hides the sunshine of life from the black pail
of DEATH" said an orator, when speaking of
the first two captains who sailed on the Erie
canal.
A man at a restaurant had called for the bill,
paid it, and was leaving, when the waiter sug-
waiter. "Ah, said the man, "but didn't eat
the waiter"
Deacon Jones, Just deceased had a very red
nose. His widow thought it rather personal in
the minister to begin his funeral discourse
'Another shining light has been taken from
our congregation"
A fashion report says that gentlemen's hats
are provided with new kind of ventilator
which will last much longer than the hole style.
Anything that will outlast hole must be a
valuable addition to the resources Of a people.
Comparisons are odious. The major, rock
ing Nelly on his knee for Aunt Mary's sake
-" suppose that is what you like ?" Nelly
Yes, it's very nice. But rode on a real DON
key yesterday-I mean one with four legs, you
| know"
"Boys," said the teacher holding up her
right fore finger to make the scholars atten-
tive, "what is Indian meal composed of ?"
And a little boy in the back seat, who wore
patched trousers, got up and said: "Please,
ma'am, roast missionaries"
A correspondent writes to ask why newly
married men are called Benedicts The rea-
son, we believe, is that in entering on their
new state of life they are supposed to give up
all the bad bachelor habits to which they have
been benedicted. Francisco NeooS Letter.
"Do you know what bull-dozing is ?" askeds
man of an old farmer. 81 thought I did,
said he, "but the bull wasn't doing. He was
only making believe; and being in the middle
of fcrty-acre lot 1 naturally had to make
pretty quick time to reach the fence ahead of
| him."
Mrs. Bezwacks is something of joker. When
| her husband came home at noon and fell over
whitewash pail, barking his shin and fractur-
| ing one of the commandments, to say nothing
of spelling his clothes, his wife told the next
door neghbor, after dinner, that she had just
heard the latest swore news.
After seeing two doctors hang around over
man for four hours and use gallon of mixed
chloroform and ether trying to get him to
sleep that they may saw his leg off, it grows
more and more mystery to us how a robber
can come in, and slap a little two-by-four
sponge saturated with chloroform over
clerks nose and steal a whole bank slick and
clean in less than seven minutes.
Agood story is told with regard to "daft
man and a somnolent congregation. When
ever any of his hearers began to "nod," the
minister observed that "daft Jamie aroused
them somewhat sharply by shooting peas at
them. Catching the eye of the delinquent at
last, he shook his finger at him reprovingly :;
but "Jamie responded, not bit ahashed
"Just gang on wi your sermon, minister, and
I'll keep the beggars wakin'."