The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1877-03-15
sOLEMN FACTS.

SOLEMN FACTS.
A man In ct Louis committed sui
eide last week because he had the itch.
DR.. J. C. Aver. the almanac man 10
hopslsssly insane.
There are $4,000 clergyman In the
United States. But what can they do
against million newspapes?
An Iswa boy sued his father and
rot damages skate strap.
1t Is the duty Of every man to &C
cumulats property, hut umbrellas
should b purchased.
A young man on the hill created
riot last Thursday. by asking . red
headed women II she carried the
mometer In her bonnet.
| A Yankee in N. Y. has dog 90
very serious thta even his tail has not
the least bit of wag about 1t.
IA prudent man II like . pin; his
head prevents him from going too far"
DR.. Clinton Wagner has written .
treatise on "the nose" with dfty cuts.
We should think that nose with fifty |
cuts had been treated too often.
At candy pull match in Dubuque
the other evening somebody stole all
the candy.
as this the Adams House," asked .
stranger Of Bostonian. YES" was
the reply, ''it's Adams house until
yon get to the roof, then it's caves"
"We've got to economize, or this
country is ruined, was the soliloquy Of
Detroit husband as he kindlsd the
frs with his wife's hustle.
The Berkshire, Mass, ice product
is SO clear that . newspaper may be
read thr ough three feet oft.
Four deaf mutes were married in
Kentucky last week. 1t was = mute
ual affair.
Mrs. Cora Bland 10 lecturing in Bos-
ton on the women who think. But
she modestly witholds their names.
Football can never resch popularity
in this country. says the Danbury
News, until the American shin-bone
10 set further back.
A London joker remarks that It 10
quite natural for newly married
couples to turn pale, for the ceremony
itself makes them wan.
Mr.. Samuel Smiles says that "Those
whom God has Joined in matrimony,
ill-cooked joints and ill-cooked pota-
toes have very often put asunder."
An item from China stating that y
mans head was cut off for patting
pretty girl on the cheek has caused
one man that we know Of to make mp
his mind to stay in the United States,
whore he wont run any risks.
Hang it.-Brown meeting Jones his
friend, and seeing him lock very mis-
cradle, said "Hullo, old man, why
you've face just fit for funeral"
$50 ought to have" replied Jones,
considering I've just had an execu-
ton in my house,
Two acquaintancss meeting On .
wet day. one greeted the other with:
Beautiful rain, this! Fetching things
out Of the ground. Second friend dds
Hope not, sir; hope not.
Got two wives there, sir."
A yonng lady asking = William
pert, Pa young man in q music
store Have you Happy Drsams?"
was astonished when he replied, NE,
ma'am, I'm mostly troubled with the
A little boy came to his mother re-
,ently and said: Mamma, should
Ihink If l was made Of dust should
yst muddy inside when drink coffee.
How's great London Circus has
been sold by sheriff In Georgia.
How's that for low?
A young man who was counting .
Boston girl upset = can Of kerosene
upon her pet dog. In the furry Of his
anxiety to repair the misfortune, he
picked the animal up and set it up
before the stove to dry. The expert
ment could not have been entirely
a. she wrote him that
night: I'VE have met for the last time
A surgical journal mentions the
TACT Of man living five years with a
ball in his head. A sarcastic friend
remarked that he saw nothing very
remarkable in that, rs he knew ladies
to live twice ~ long with nothing
but balls in their heads"
They had been engaged for along
time, and one evning were reading .
paper together. Look, love" he
exclaimed, "only fifteen dollars for
suit of clothes! lis it q wedding suit?"
she asked looking naively ut her lover.
och! no." he replied, sit is = business
suit" "Well, l meant business"
she replied.
Blue glass has been discovered to be
a psnacea for all ills Of oil animals
and marvellous cures are being report
ed, from sun light strained through
blue glass.
The country demands rest. quiet,
tranquility-that il the sort Of appeal
that comes from every quarter OF the
land, and yet statistics show that peo-
pie g on getting married just a. reck-
less a. ever.
Easter war cloud 10 settling.