The Osceola times., 1877-03-10
FACTS AND PANCIEs.

Prize Why don't a wo-
man like to hear her husband make
public speech Answer (by LADY,
because she don't.
JOSH BILLINGS says he knows people
who are 10 fond Of argument that they
will stop and dispute with guide-board
about the distance to the next town.
THAT was good prayer which the old
fashioned Methodht minister uttered
80, Lord, start us right, because II We
get started wrong we are hard to turn"
A YOUNG lad whose teacher Is rather
free with the rod remarked the other day
""that they had too many holler-days at
their school,"
A NEWARK woman married q police
man because, as she explained, her
mother was once robbed of two dresses,
and she thought policeman was good
thing TO have about the house.
The English DIR. Kenealy is a used-up
man. He is unpopular, and the COM
mon people no longer give audience to
his harangues. Such Ia the 6nal usual
fate of demagogues
TIE poem of "John Gilpin's Ride"
by Cowper, has eighty-three per cent. Of
its words in one syllable, while 5hak-
speare has eighty-one and Dickens
seventy-6ve.
PROFESSOR in psychology-"Now,
Mr.. d., in regard TO how the mind forms
a material thing from several precepts;
take an apple and illustrate" Mr.. d.
81 don't care If do" Class murmur
"pass 'em around"
PARIS DANDY: "You always tell me,
madam. that am dull; pray inform me
what il the difference between dull and
brightp' Answer: "Thc difference is
the same as between a smell and per-
fume."
THE number of square miles in the
United States is ,0S8,663. The real
and personal property in the United
States il &29, ,s42, ,47S,i43. The number
Of persons who cannot read are 4, ,444 ,603.
The number Of those who cannot write IL
1851, ,3l1.
OSEof the bills now pending in the Wis
consin legislature sbolishes sentences for
specific periods in punishment Of crime,
and leaves convicts in prison until the
warden believes they are thoroughly re-
formed" That is simplicity ITSELF
"SrR," said one man to another, "be-
ware! To day you have kicked me.
Yesterday you struck mo. Day before
yesterday you pulled my nose. Take
care, sir, take care, or you'll rouse the
sleeping lion."
A HALrFRozEN Englishman In =
street car the other day somewhat
anprily observed: "Why don't they
eat the carss" "why you darn IDIOT"
returned the sharp conductor, 1--WE can't
eat 'em; but we sometimes sb0lt en-"
The Englishman made an entry in his
note book.
AlFLoRIsT was showing an lrishman over
his establishment the osherday. "Now,"
said he, "we'll Just look In for q moment
ut the terminating house." "The Ger
man 'ating house, is it?' replied the
other. "Troth and I'm glad, for it's hun
gry / am. But isn't there iome Irish
dhrinkin' saloon iist ~ handy r.
ANXIOUS on main point.-After the
usual explanation to freshman claa in
regard TO laws and customs Of the college
by the class officer. when opportunity
was given for questions on points not
fully understood q freshman raised his
hand, and In voice full Of anxiety
asked, professor, what time do We have
breakfast3'
OF the three hundred members Of con-
gress, there is only about thirty, or say
ten per cent, who command the at!en-
tion Of the house and the galleries when
they speak. 1t il good place for man
TO tind his level, and the most Of them
find il ON lower rolud OF ladder Of
fame than they supposed. To speak to
mob at a corner grocery and win their
applause by telling indecent stories is
one thing, and TO command attention in
congress is quite another.-Cn. Com.
IeffSr