davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

A STRANGER from the country observ- ing an ordinary roller-rule on the table, took it up, and, inquiring it's use, was answered, ''It is rule for counting houses" s'Too well bred, as he con- strued politeness, to ask unnecessary questions, he turned it over and up and down repeatedly, and at last, in a paroxysm of baffied curiosity, inquired, count houses with thisP ?"
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

"HAvE you seen the telephone yetp' inquired gentleman of a bright young lady the other evening. 'No," she re- piled. "but I've heard the telephone. ''- Norooich Bulletin.
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

"SHE'LL be Madonna one of these days," said another of the Malaprop family of young lady who was prepar- ing to make her debut in opera.
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

WHO ARE blessed-The man who minds his own business; the woman who never says to her husband, "I told you so;" the man who can sew on his buttons when the baby is crying; the mother-in-law who never reminds you that you married above your station !; the old maid that don't hate old people and children; the old bachelor that married people that don't wish they were single; the single people that are content to remain so; the husband who never says his mothers pies were better than his wife's are.
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

A bone picker in Schenectady gave $1OO, recently toward the erection of 8 church edifice.
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

"Now I WILL read you a few lines from Shakespeare" remarked wag at 8 donation party, and he picked up s'Tupper's Proverbial Philosophy" and read away like steam engine. "That's from GAS You Like It," remarked a lady in the corner. "Lovely, isn't it ?" chimed in young miss: "Wonderful man, sir, that Shakespeare! con- fdentially remarked one of the deacons to the pastor. "Stop!" said the reader, suddenly; ''ladies and gentlemen, par don my mistake, I'Ye been reading from Tupper." Grand tableaux.- Boston Aduertiser.
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

lEHSs ters prices - Largest Company in America - staple article = pleases everybody. Trade continually increasing = Agents wanted everywhere - best Inducements - don't waste time-send for Circular to ROBERT WELLS a VeSey St., N. Y. P. O. Box. 19ST.
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

CoNNUB1AL BLIss-A hen-pecked hus- band declared that the longer he lived with his wife the more he was smitten by her.
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

RIFLE practice-pocket-picking.
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29
Vegetine is Sold by All Druggists.

00 EXTRA Mixed Cards, 1oc.; 20 Ladies' Favori t . SNI lOc, any name. sEcooNBR Co.,. KinderhoO k
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

A Pictures of actresses and singers sent for l0c lU National Monthly, l.. Box IA Washington, DC.
Connecticut western news., 1877-06-29

From the chsyLiH Repablican, Minersville, schuyl- kill County, Pa, April 2S, 1877.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31
Christmas Ghosts.

From the Sacramento Record.Union.
A Well-known citizen, who had been
"out with the boys" celebrating
Christmas eve, returned home about 2
a. IN. yesterday. TO avoid answering
questions that might be too searching,
he entered the house very quietly,
struck light, took off his boots, and
was congratulating himself that he was
going to make success of getting to
bed without his wife's knowledge of
the lateness of the hour, when he hap.
pened to glance toward the window of
his room. the curtain of which was up,
and simultaneously uttered shrek
which aroused the household, at the
same time springing upon the bed and
burying his face in the covering. His
wife was of course greatly alarmed, as
were also the children, but in res
ponse to her inquiry as to what was
the matter he merely calculated,
"Ghosts in the window-two or three
OF them-see their bloody Threats !!
My God! What have done?'' Nat.
urally enough, the lady was not much
treasured, but her curiosity was
enough to cause her to look toward
the window, and at first glance little
scream of terror started to her lips,
but almost Immediately it gave place
to burst of laughter as she saw that
the "ghosts' were nothing more un-
earthly and horrid than the pet yellow
cat of the family, with a red ribbon
about her neck! She had seen the
light in the room, and, wanting to get
in, jumped upon the window sill to
see what the prospects were. 1t would
have been a subject for much thought
for young men contemplating matri-
mony to have seen the tender manner
IN which that mild-tempered lady ap.
piled her elbow and knee to her liege
lord, and to have heard her murmur,
as he jolted upon the floor, sect off
your clothes, you beast, and come to
bed :! a nice condition you are in
Three ghosts with their Threats cut
Don't talk to me! Bad enough to
come home drunk without arousing
the whole neighborhood Saw three,
did you? If you'd stayed out an hour
longer suppose you d have seen six. -
In reality the head of the family was
not ''full'' so to speak ; but he knew
it was useless to say anything in extern
uation just then. Later in the day,
his wife having got over her anger,
they had a good laugh over the Incl
dent, and he thought it so good joke
that he told it to his friends in strict
confidence.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31
Her Weak Point.
From the Detroit Free Press.

From the Detroit Free Press. .'
Yesterday morning woman, living
Ga Napoleon street was seen on the
walk in front OF the gate heaving the
snow right and left, and she had only
got fairly settled to work when bow
leunged up and remarked: =
''I'll clear off the walk for 10 cents. -
guess I'm able to do it," she re-
piled. ".-
''But SEQ how it looks.'' he contin.
ued. "Here you are, a perfect lady in
look and action, highly educated, and
yet you grovel in the dust, as it were
to save the pitiful sum of 10 cents"
'You grovel along and mind your
own business" she CURLY replied, still
digging away. -.,.',.
''It's worth 10 cents,' he said, as he
leaned against the fence, ''but I'm a
Teller with some sentimentin nv hos.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31
How He Sold Them.
Eureka (Ncv.) Sentinel.

Eureka (Nev.) Sentinel. ' -
Long Brown is quite a character in
his way, and has acquired notoriety
for his many practical jokes. Like all
sporting men, his exchequer was at
times depleted, but, to use his express
sion, when the cards came his way he
always settled up his liabilities. The
proprietor of the lunch stand, whom
Brown hon0red with his patronage,
understood his pecullarities, and much
playful badinage was exchanged be-
tween them. On the occasion to which
we refer, a number of Boston tourists
were doing the mines, and the manner
in which they contrasted the free and
easy town with the sedate Hub,
was not to our credit. Gambler
was a synonymous term in their
vocabulary to outlaw and desperate,
and they were eager to witness that
phase of life which Mark Twain has
immortalized as a characteristic of Me-
vada society. They listened to tales
of violence that had become legions
among US; but as yet during their visit
no one of them had been shot down
in cold blood or deliberately murdered.
1t came at last. They had strolled
into the Understand, and were engag-
ing a meal when Brown came in to
breakfast.
"Have you got any money!" asked
Tom, the proprietor.
''Not cent replied Brown.
*'Then you don't get any breakfast, -
said he, at the same time putting on a
steak, and accompanying the action
with a wink and nod toward the tour
lists.
Brown took in the situation at a
glance, and, remembering having seen
shotgun In the saloon next door,
stepped out, borrowed it, and, return
ing, brought both barrels to bear on
the proprietor,-by the way, it was
not loaded,-the clink of the hammers,
as he brought them to full cock, sadly
Interfering with our Boston friends
appetites. Brown, noticing their I'M
easiness, remarked, ':Gentlemen, don t
disturb yourselves, never miss my
man but if do not get breakfast in
five minutes, there will be q Grst-class
funeral and I will furnish the corpse. -
''Don't Shoot cried Tom, seemingly
very much frightened, 81 kWill have
it on the table as soon as possible. -
"All right, said Brown, ''but do not
tell a gentleman he cannot eat, - and,
setting down the shotgun beside him,
calmly proceeded to DISCUSS the meal,
while the tourists filed out quite salts
fed having escaped witnessing horrid
murder. There was a simultaneous
production of note books, and the in
cident appeared in numerous Eastern
papers, illustrating life in Nevada.
with a scathing comment on the pow
erlessness of the law to control such
characters as Brown.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31

According to the Austrian statistical
department, the European countries
possessed together in 1875 some 4Q, 1921
postofices, and handled 1929, 10000
Of letters and postal cards, and 49,.
100000 of newspapers and samples.
Adding to the letters the American
correspondence in the same year, 1885,
100000; British India, 1900. 900;
Australia, Al, O08, 900; Canada, 24,OOO..
90; Brazil, $4,000, 900, and other coun.
tries it will be found that some $780,
100000 of letters handled in non.Eu.
ropean countries may safely be added
to the 1922, 100000 mentioned above,
constituting a total of something like
100000 of letters which the post.
offices of the world have distributed
in single year, equal to 10000, 900
daily, or AZ, 900 hourly, night and day.
Pro rata Of the population the number
Of letters handled in Europe has been
as follows: England, IS; Switzerland,
q; Germany, Is; Holland, Is; Luxem.
burg, IA; Belgium, Is; Denmark, IL;
Austria, IL; France, 10; Norway, g.;
Sweden, 6; Spain, S; Italy, 5; Hun.
gary, 3; Greece, 2; Russia, l; Roumania
!; and Turkey l. European average,
10 letters a year, NO statistics were re.
ceived from Portugal and Servia. From
this it will be seen that the great in
dustrial nations stand at the head Of
the list, while the more purely agri-
cultural ones are below the average.
The introduction of postal cards has
undoubtedly aided greatly toward
stimulating correspondence. The &C.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31

ON. Now we'll say five cents, or
just enough to cover wear and tear o.
my bones. Give me the shovel and
you go in, get on your seal-skin sacque
and best jewellery, and while I work
you stand out here and boss around,
and talk as if you owned the biggest
half of North America, while I had
nothing, and was in debt for that
She looked at him sharply, saw that
he was in earnest, and when she pass
ed over the snow shovel she put two
nickles into his hand. He looked af-
ter her as she went in, and then sadly
unused:
''Oh! Flattery, thy surest victim is
woman, homely enough for scare
crow.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31
Maxim 10000 a Year.

From the Cleveland Plandealer.
There sits behind a congressional
desk a portly, aldermanic gentleman;
whose wealth is almost fabulous. His
broadcloth is of satin gloss; his hat of
IT. eproachable shape and shine; his
boots-( 0 dear! they are made by a
fashionable boot maker, but not all
his skill could make those dreadful feet
shapely, 50 1 had better not have
mentioned them): but his fat hands
are stuffed in delicate kids, and he
walks with almost as consequential an
air as does Bruce, the dusky Senator.
In Pullman car he was cOnfding to a
friend the way his success had been
achieved. He was proud of his career
and quite willing every one in the
vicinity should listen.
Said he: 81 was a poor boy; I run
errands, held bosses (his own pronoun-
ciation) swept out Offices and such like
till a lawyer made me his messenger. I
always could see through millstun,
and Mr.------found understood quick
er than his older clerks, go little bv
little had his confidence, and [ learn
ed the tricks of the trade prstty well.
l KEEP my eyes open, and by and by,
when found nice openin' in new
neighborhood, told Mr.-----he might
open a branch office for shaven' notes
and doin' mortgages. He thought
about it and give me a chance, though
| was only twenty.one. I begun max
in a little money; then, itigatin' on
my own account till by the time was
thirty was maxim 100000 year.
That didn't suit me; knew I could do
better, SO l moved down into Wall
street, and bless you! make now
100000 on single case: very often
bless you! I make now 100000 on
single case very often. This litigatin'
is very good business if you under
stand it; if you don't you had better
let it alone. and he wagged his head
solemnly. I wonder if he understands
as much about law making as he does
''litigatin'.'' His enmity to that poor,
innocent letter ''g'' was quite as alb.
surd as an Englishman's misplacing
his "h''
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31

fellow citizens. He complained after
ward bitterly to the parson about pay.
ing his parish tax. II don't hear you,'
he said, "and I oughtn't to help sup.
port you" "Very well, said the par.
son, 81 am in my pulpit every Sunday,
and if you don't hear me it's your
own fault. not mine.' ssAh ha !" said
Farmer z. In the falli the parson was
surprised to receive bill from the
farmer for two pigs. SLOWS this"
said the parson II haven't had your
pigs" cit syour own fault, :parson, :"
said the farmer; ''them pigs ben in
the pen all summer waiting for ye-
and there's the bill.''
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31
The Worlds Correspondence.
From the Economists FRANCHISE. !

from the Economists Francslse.]
EVERY day shows more strikingly
how fruitful of great results was the
idea put forward by Sir Rowland Hill
forty years ago, revolutionizing the
fundamental principles of postal ser.
vice organization.
The uniformity Of low postal tariff
has become common blessing for all
countries Of the world. Steam COM
munication and tho extraordinary ex.
pansion of commerce have no doubt
contributed the largest share toward
multiplying correspondence, but in
order to produce the great results be-
fore us reforms have been necessary
in postal administration. We owe
them to commercial and postal treaties
and especially to the late postal con-
gress at Berne.
In some European countries the
growth Of correspondence has been as
follows:
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31
A Cure For Elephantiasis.

It is an old saying, says the London
Examiner, that God never strikes with
both hands-also that where the devil
has placed the poison God has provid-
ed an antidote. These ancient sayings
are still believed by many, and GER
tainly things occur now and again to
prove that they are not destitute of
truth. For example, in Central Amer
ica.--in COlumbia-.-in the tropical val
legs Of the Andes, on the high table
lands, as well as on the low-lying
shores of the Caribbean sea, there is a
loathsome disease called elephantiasis;
it is not confined to any class Of per-
sons, although it is more prevalent
among the poor, and the poor of the
negroes. The malady is not only fear
full and loathsome to the patient, it is
hideous to behold. The members of
the body become swollen with ulcers
to a formidable size; the hair drops
off; SO do the nails; the voice disap-
pears, and sleep is murdered. For
this most awful of human ill a cure
has recently been discovered and used
with the happiest result. This is
nothing else than eating the flesh of
the turkey buzzard, or gallinazo, a
bird so filthy in it's habits that the
meat it produces has been refused by
Europeans who were dying of hunger.
Several of the party who accompanied
Lieut.. Strain in his perilous explora-
tions Of the Isthmus of Darien lay
down to die, and died, because the
flesh of this bird was too revolving to
eat. Now the gallinazo abounds in
those parts, indeed is the only bird
that may be said to abound in the pop
ulous regions; he is likewise the only
scavenger; now be will be elevated to
higher uses, and it is only fair that
gallinazos, as we'll as men, should rise
to higher things. News has reached
us from Panama and Carth&gena of
several cures having been effected of
this direful plague by the use of the
flesh of carrion bird. Homeopathists
will look up, and all who hate medi-
cine will be supplied with new argu-
mpntS
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31
Currency in Africa and China.

Africa, a continent naturally desti-
tute, SO far as is known, of silver, has
always been driven to strange expe-
dents for currency. In the SOudan,
where an elephants tusk represents so
many able-bodied slaves where GER
tain number of strips Of cloth are
equal to a calabash filled with beads or
buttons-and bean-pod trimming
with gold dust does duty for bank
note, small change is urgently re-
CURED. This want is partially sup
piled by those little white shells called
,cowries," which are found on the
coast of India, and are often there
used to adorn the horse-trappings of
princes. In Angola, and other parts
of Central Africa, the same cowries-
two thousand five hundred of which,
in India, are the equivalent of one ru-
pee, and are the probationary of ma
tive children of the poorest caste
rise to the value of five thousand to
the pound sterling. Except in Egypt
and Morocco, no money is coined in
Africa, north of the Cape of Good
Hope. It is wonderful that so highly
organized and commercial commu-
nifty as that of wealthy China, should
have contentedly remained so i'll off in
a monetary point of view. The
Flowery Land, in this anomaly, as in
others, has probably been enslaved by
the tyranny of custom. Those long
strings of perforated copper coin, tech
nically called ''cash," have been, for
centuries untold, the only recognized
money of the central kingdom and
even now, although the Indigenous
taels and tungsteens are largely sup
plemented by Spanish and Mexican
dollars, a Chinese merchant prefers to
make payments of silver, not by tael
or by weight, but by measure. China,
like India, no doubt contains larger
proportion of the whole stock of the
precious metals !; but its absorbent
qualities are so great. that what was
anciently called the balance of trade
is nearly sure to be against the outer
barbarians.
Old Farmer T., of Canton, Mass,
became unpleasantly involved with his
parson about going to meeting. The
farmer was greatly remiss in his
Sunday duties, and spent his Sabbath
mornings in his orchard, just opposite
the Westinghouse. The scandal came
to head when Farmer T., in answer
to pious expostulations, had the face
to say that he was in his orchard to
see that the Christians didn't steal
his apples. Thereupon, and according
to the law as it then was, they brought
him into court and had him fined as
an absentee from the house of God.
Next Sabbath early he presented him.
self in the broad aisle and took his
seat bolt upright before the congre.
cation. But when the parson began to
pray he pulled out Of his coat-pocket a
big bat of cotton wool, and proceeded
to stuff both ears with it. The dang
ling white ends of it, both sides of his
big bushy head, did not aid, during
that service, the devotions of his
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31
Stephen Girard.

From the New York World.
The Rev. j. Mcleod, a Philade lphia
clergyman, in recent lecture to ap-
prentices and boys in stores, gave some
interesting "reminiscences Of Stephen
Girard, 'whom,'' said he, 81 knew
when boy. He always discounted
small notes helped men who were in
business in small way. He was al
ways ready to help a mechanic or
honest man, though perhaps with an
eye to business in small safe way.
The bank of North America and others
were jealous of him so they said !:
We will not discount his notes.
Girard was informed of it, and, of
course, was angry ; so hetold the cash.
Ter whenever he got a note of the
Bank of North America to lay it aside.
This was done, until after awhile one
day he sent notary over with notes
of the Bank of North America to the
amount of $250,000, with request
that the amount be paid in gold and
silver. There was CONSERVATION in
the bank, and Girard was sent for and
reiterated his demand, when the bank
was glad to compromise, and after
that was ready to take his notes.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31

he could only express himself in his
usual emphatic formula: So
"Well, I am domd! An tina says as
tn chaps name wur Robyson ?'
''Aye, Robyson Crusoe.'
swell, nun say as I'd ha' loike to
ha' knowed him. I did know 4 mon
by tina name O. Robyson onct, but it
could ma ha' been him, fur he wur ma
mich O. a chap. If he'd a been cast O.
a desert island he would ma ha' had
tn gumption to do aw that theer-Jem
Robysou could ma. 1t could ma ha'
been him an besides he could ma ha'
writ it ont as that theer felly,'
done.''
There was a pause, in which Grad
dock held his pipe in his hand reflect
lively, shaking his head once more.
"Cannyblee an'th' loike too,' he
said. cheers soight O. things as
mon does ma hear on. Why. I niv-
yer heard o. cannybles mysen, an
am IA considert ignorant by most O.
foak." Then as Jud rose to go, cart
tina fur goin'?' he asked. swell, I
nun say as I'd loike to hear summat
more about Robyson; but if tina nun
go, tina mum, suppose. Sithee here
could tina COON again an bring him
wi thee?''
81 mowt; dunna moind the walk. ~
''Then thee do it, getting up to &C.
company him to the gates. can I'll
gle tina copper now an then to pay
thee. There's summat i a book O.
that soart. Coon thee again as soon
as tina con, an we'll go on wi the CAN
nybles. From s'That Lass o. Lowrie' s
in Scribner's Monthly for February.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31

cession of France to the postal union
last year will form another element of
Importance: The high internal post
age still in force in France is no doubt
the principal cause why we are tagging
behind. Notwithstanding our resources
and education.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31

So many unsettled questions remain
to vex American society that the great
Partisan problem, how to make ladv's
l75-button glove that shall combine
the advantages of goatskin under
shirt and a patent duplex shoulder.
brace, has not received the attention
it deserves. ~
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31

Worcester Press Anna Dickinson
isn't very happy in love scenes; but
when it comes to hopping around
under the bed in the next act for the
tyrant whom she married just before
the curtain fell, the critics burst into
tears and the galleries focus their
sympathy on the place where the dust
is stirred up.
The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1877-01-31

The following conversation, Illus
trative of Paris life, was overheard in
the Cafe Anglaise: "What a pretty
woman - Eyes, she is charming"
'tAnd that monsieur, is her husband ?''
ooh, no." replied the friend, slipping
his absinthe; II should say certainly
not, for have seen them driving very
often. and, indeed, they were at Baden
together.