The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-03-17
z. II. ID.
VARIETY.

Preacher wants to know what becomes of
the wicked7 Usually they practice law for a
while and eventually go to the legislature.
Says an exchange " ANY family man who
says he Is too poor to take newspaper should
be indicted for obtaining family on false pre-
lenses" -..-e as-ssfes- al. -
He was bound to be accurate, and he described
the womans costume thus Z" She wore an elegant
suit Of something or other, cut bias, and trimmed
endwise-" .,aez s-G4 Tcag 1lE -HsTE
Some mean fellow after saying there is one
physician in every 800 inhabitants, adds that
they begin this way, but after while there are
not so many inhabitants. -
A Chicago man who was detected in at
tempt to conceal deep excavation In his front
yard by thin covering of lath and snow, finally
admitted that he was building an Ashtabula
bridge for his mother-in-law.
Why is the Carine Catherine like bald
headed person You see at once; of course 80
obvious you knoW-to everybody up in the
Museoyite court gossip. Why, because her heir
is Orlof.--Graphic. -
Philadelphia Bulletin Those auburn-haired
Young ladies with noses suggestive of a cold
morning, and who missed fire during the leap
year just passed, now sadly sing, 1t may be
four years and it may be for ever.'
His last words to her in the morning were !:
' Wrap up warmly, darling, if you go shopping
to-day; the weather is very cold.' She said
she would, and before she went out she had all
her bustles weighed and put on the heaviest one.
What will not woman do for the man she.
loves !-Brooklyn Argus.
He was a very bsent-minded young man and
had been in the habit of bringing her confec-
ttouerv when he called. After he had denarted
the other night she opened the package and found
three soiled handkerchiefs, q pair of socks,
"Gen Warren collar, and a note asking 10
have them washed and ironed by tomorrow
night. The candies were left at the laundry.
The girl says she never did care much for him.
A lady short time back presented telegram
at a London postofice. The message was en-
closed In an envelope. On receiving it the Off
cial proceeded to open it. "What are you
about?" exclaimed the lady. The clerk ex-
planned that he could not send message without
first seeing it. Then" observed the lady,
angrily, "do you suppose I'm going to let you
read my private affairs won't send is at all :"
And forthwith she hounced out of the Office in
disgust.
A West Hill man got up in q vague state of
mind the other morning, and feeling around in
the dark for his socks, got hold of his wite's
striped stockings. When he pulled them on
and stretched them up he felt 30 completely
dressed that he didn't think of putting on any
thing else, but went moving around until he
found lamp, and fell to the -four in a fit of ter
Tor at the sight of his legs. When they restored
him to consciousness, they couldn't make him
believe that the house hadn't been burglarized
a
he said, 81 saw him the minute 1 struck the
match, just as plainly as see you now. No
body is safe in these awful times" EAf 81
1t is so hard to do good On New Years
day a young man took a solemn VOW that, so
help him, he would for the rest of the year tell
the truth, let the consequences be what they
might. The consequences have been somewhat
serious, and not at all agreeabIe. He declined to
take drink with stalwart inebriate and when
the stalwart inebriate said, sneeringly, I" sup
pose you won't drink because you think I'm
drunk 7'' he truthfully answered in affirmative,
and had such head erected on him by the stall
wart inebriate that he has to step into his shirt
at the neck. He told an ardent Democrat who
asked him for his candid opinion concerning the
Presidential election, that Hayes was elected,
and when his sweetheart asked him If she was
not looking horribly old, said that she was. He
is lawyer, and when a client came to him and
said, s' Now, candidly, what do you think OF my
case?' he replied 50 think it's swindle, my
SELF" whereupon the indignant client withdrew
his patronage, which was considerable. Alto
gether, he has had very hard time OF it and
begins to feel discouraged Los Angeles Star.
That CHEW OF ToBAcco.-Tobacco chewing is
hard habit to break off, There was once a
man who made up his mind to quit chewing and
he flung his tobacco away. He got gentain and
chewed it, he bought chamomile flowers, he
chewed toothpicks and quills, and still nothing
satisfied him. His mouth tasted as If it was full
of cold cream. The very tip of his tongue seem
ed 10 curl over in the intensity of his desire for
tobacco. He wanted it-ohI how badly. And
so he bought another piece. He held it UP and
looking at it said: '' Are you my master, or am
I YOURS? Yum-m-m-m. want you. [Anoth-
er glaring gaze at the slab. But I'm a man
you're a weed-you'r re thing. Look again
Yum-m-m-m. You black devil I'll master you
If L die for it. 1t shall never be said of me thai
/ as a man am mastered by thing. Yum-m'
(Puts it into his pocket Every time he wanted
chew he'd take it out talk to it, and it go
easier and easier, till at last he threw it away
and the glory of the victory paid for all the suf
fering he had.-[Gough's st. Louis Lecture.