Weekly Trinity journal., 1877-10-06
WHY THEY DIDN'T GO.

Early on the evening Of the Sd Of July
Miss Morris, the lovely and accomplish
cd daughter Of Mr.. Morris WAS seated in
the large worsted chair in her fathers
drawing room waiting to receive the fare
well class Of the young men who on that
very day had graduated at the Monroe
University. She was deservedly popular
and she had estimated that st least eleven
young men would call that evening, and
that in al probability several Of the num-
Der would bring friends with them. At
1880 the first of her guests arrived, and
before $3.50 seventeen young men IN their
very best clothing were -itting in the ma
horany chairs with which the drawing
room was furnished, with the backs press
ed against the wall.
The evening sped rapidly away. There
was lemonade and sponge cake handed
around by the servant, and Miss Morris
played and sang with great applause
The young men seemed TO enjoy them
selves greatly, and writhed their legs in
the restless way Characteristic OF the bu-
collie undergraduate when experiencing
the sensation Of peaceful bliss. But
when ten o'clock came, and no young
men showed the slightest disposition to
withdraw, the hostess began to fear tha'
each one had registered a vow to ''sit the
rest out" At eleven O'Clock she was
sure that her suspicion was correct, as Il
look of stern detem ination to undergo
any amount of suffering was visible on
eSch face. The young lhdy was hurt.
alarmed and angry, and when the boldest
of her visitors finally broke 8 silence Of
several minutes by respectfully begging
that she would retire and send her father
10 hold \ conference with them she
rushet up stairs, swOke the author OF her
being with the announcement that seven
teen young men wanted 10 see him, in
stantly, in order to propose for her hand,
but that they were horrid wretcnes
whom she perfectly hated, and thereup-
on burst into tears.
Mr.. Morris arose, dressed himself rs
rapidly AS n thumb recently mashed with
a hammer and foot newly lacerated
Sith Nh AK would permit, and descended
with the iuil purpose of ordering the
young men out of the house. A few car
nest words addressed to him by the
spokesman of tho company, caused him
to change his mind. Owing to his care
ful closing of the drawing room door, the
ecise nature of the conversation could
not be heard up stairs but, nevertheless,
strange sound, as Of the rendering Of
garments, accompanied by smothered
excIamations of pain and rage penetrated
the house. II was firmly believed by
Hiss Morris that her hitherto peaceful
parent WAS tearing those seventeen young
men in pieces, but her mind w8s soon re
lieved by hearing them depart in a body,
and with unusual haste. Mr.. Morris
WAS, OF course, overwhelmed with ques
tiOns sitef he had locked The front door
and returned to his waiting daughter, but
he refused to give any explanation be-
yond remarking that accidents are Liable
to happen, which latter assertion no one
will have the hnsdhood to call in ques-
ton.
The next day the drawing room pre-
sented fearful spectacle. TO each chair
we're cinging fragments of broadcloth
h L. ~ .,tl
knife, together with quantity Of spirits Of
tulpentlne, WAS necessary to OOblterHte the
relics OF the seventeen confding and be
trsyed young men. Mrs. Morris prompt
ly seized ner husbands entire stock Of
patent inodorOus varnish, and bribrd Il
small boy to throw it into the river. That
well meaning but too ingenious man was
compelled to bind himself by solemn
promise never to bring another drop Of
vsrnsh into the house, and WAS fined
new set OF chairs, together with new bon
nets for his wife and daughter As for
the young men they hew from the town
by the earliest train, and IT is asserted
that at least two Of them departed in III
ster oyercoats, to the immense sstonish.
ment Of the travelling public. OF course,
The affair created n tremendous sensation,
and the whole story was published, to-
gather With The names Of the young men,
and II minute description Of their several
losses, in the West Monroe gazette.
Let US hope that the catastrophe will
prove warning, not only to Morris, but
to all other ingenious hus bands, and tEa.
they will initiate his example in resoly-
ing to hencetorth abstain from varnish in
every form.