Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-02-28
HUMOROUS.

The grave Of the late George D.
Prentice, is still unmarked.
"AH, parson, 7 wish I could carry
my gold with me-" said dying man to
his pastor. "It might melt" was the
consoling answer.
"LEr me-" said Mr.. Moody when he
opened in Boston, "let me call your
attention to g. book called The Holy
Bible" Several of his hearers went
home and found they had one.
" JAMIE, how's your church coming
on?" "Not so vera weel. There's ma
ane belangs 'cept me and brother
Sandy, and Pm thinking he's ma ortho-
dox and must be put out"
They tell Of wealthy London bar
Der who has just cut off his heir with
out shilling. Now, our BARRIERS are
different; they never cut eff anybody's
hair without shilling.
A YOUNG lady named Viola, whose
father don't like young men, REM arked
the other. evening, 81 don't see why my
father gave me such q name if he
did't want me to have bow"
New YORK city is troubled with too
much Normal School, It costs about
$95, 600 year to run it, and turns out
about 233 school ma'ams annually.
There are no places for half Of them.
WHEN you try to carry home g. heavy
article, you shall take every advantage
of it. Some men who can carry jug
of whisky home when it is kept in the
jug, require the aid of two policemen
when they attempt to carry it home in
side 'em.
A COMPREHENSIVE school inspector
asked an Aberdeen class if any one
could tell him anything remarkable in
the life of Moses. Boys" Yes, sir;
he was the only man who broke all the
commandments at once"
A CHICAGO widow has brought q
breach of promise suit against Wild
over, who, she says, promised to marry
her and take her to the Centennial.
He says if she'll wait, he's willing to
take her to the next one, and marry her
just before starting.
A NEW song, entitled "Where is
Home" is very popular Of late. When
sung under the moonlight, about l A.
M, by an Individual leaning against a
lamp post, with his hat banged down.
over his eyes, it is said to be beautiful
in the extreme.
OFFENBACH saw little American girl
at sea: " At the very worst of the
storm she said to her sister, You really
ought to try and get down and fetch my
pretty little hat. [ would like to die
with all my fine things on Shall we
bring up your gloves, too !? rejoined the
younger one"
COMPARISONS are Odious." The
Major (rocking Nelly on his knee, for
Aunt Mary's sake =" suppose this is
what you like, Nellyw Nelly" Yes,
it's very nice. But I rode on q real
donkey-I mean one with four legs,
you know"
A CONTRACTOR who was building tun-
mel on certain railroad observed one
morning that the face of a member of
his gang was disfgured with bruises
and plasters. "Hallo, Jimmy" said
hewhat have been doin'?" "Not very
much, sorr," answered Jimmy; 81 was
just down at Bill Mulligan's last night,
sorr, an we had bit av discoose1
wild sticks!"
AN inexperienced old fellow picked
up journal the other day containing
q chess departm He had never
seen anything like the problems be-
fore, and after reading half column
of Kt. fir. 1t. 3 to @. 2-B. to Kt. Oh.
B. P. ch.-K P. drawn" and so
forth, he threw down the paper with
an air of disgust and the remark, Il
never see such queer poetry as that
must bin written by crazy man p'-
Nuristoavrs Herald
FASHIONS that would speak for them
selves: For grass-widows, lawn; for
elderly women, MORE antique; for
Democratic bellies, anything but rep;
for women inclined to badness, mo-
hair; for women with poodles, muslin;
for shippers wives, alpaca; for the
Misses neverready, delaine; for sailors
wives, serge; for dairy-women, calico;
for soldiers wives, bombazine; fe
debtors wives, ticking; for women with
profane husbands, kersey; for careless
servants, crash; for Mr.. Sitting Bull,
whoop-skirts.-LoasisuilIe Coaerier-Joauaa!.
A WOMAN in the Union Market asked
a colored patriarch if the sight of q
mince pie didn't make his mouth
water. He replied: "Dar wuz time
when it did. In doze good ole days OBJ
long ago, when dey built mince pies
out'n meat, apples, brandy an spices,
dar wuz q successive laundering to git
up clus to mince pie. But in desc
days, when dey erect s Oh pies out'1
de fust grizzle an de fust apples, an
de fust pickings dat come handy, mai
on de top crust, and scallope dc
edges wild dar false teeth, why, Tx
gwine to stan 'roun' an stan 'roun', an
take de chances On findin' cocoanut
in de gutter" -G. Louis Globe Democrat.
QUEER things happen out in Burling.
ton, Ia. Says the Haukeye: Zone OF
the lady teachers in the Peoria High
School went out coasting short time
ago. But the cunning of her glrlhooa>
had forsaken her, for she steered Wild
ly, and before she got half way down
the hill she ran into two sleds and over
three boys, knocked the overshoes OF
q fat man, scared woman with mar
ket- basket and baby into commissions,
AvnnHnH q