The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-06-09

said the clerk to the package. And he
sent the boots 5000 miles in the wrong
direction.
When the foreman of the composing
room knocks form into "pi" now he
doesn't have it reset as of yore. He
simply slaps it into the press as it is,
and the newspaper is run off with war
map up to the average.-PhiladetphtG
! Bulletin.
-" A Woman" suggests to an Eastern
paper the employmento of women as ushers
of places of amusement A most excel
lent suggestion. Good-looking men
would not have to stand in the aisles
then. We would be more comfortable
to be thus always sure of a seat.
The Cincinnati Tax Assessor, in his
instructions to his deputies, says: 81
know you are sometimes assaulted with
hot water and broomsticks, but don't be
discouraged. If you are driven off, go
back the next day to see if they have a
fresh supply of water and brooms."
An ancient custom prevails in Swe-
den relative to the burial of spinsters.
A small looking glass is placed in the
coffin, so that when the last trump
sounds the occupant may be able to look
at her own hair before going before the
heavenly tribunal.
"A lady of Washington, D. c., was
the subject of novel attempt to rob, the
other day. While she was closing a
blind of window which opened on the
street man seized her hand and tried to
draw a 800 diamond ring from her
finger. By a strong effort she freed her
hand, and the man ran away.
Wife (who has become an amateur
painter: What do you think Of this
sketch, dear?" Husband: We'll, the
drawing of it involved no breach of the
. Second Commandment, for it is not the
likeness of anything that is in heaven
above, or in the earth beneath, or in the
waters under the EARTH"
Gen. Grant is the first ex-President
to go to foreign parts since the days of
Frank Pierce. Of the nineteen Presi-
dents, Washington, Madison, Jackson
Harrison, Tyler, Polk, Taylor, Lincoln
and Johnson never crossed the ocean.
Those who visited foreign lands were
John Adams, Jefferson, Monroe, Quincy
Adams, Van Buren,, Fillmore, Pierce and
Buchanan.
How often, how often, we find a
man who will pay eleven dollars for a
box of cigars without question or mo-
ment's hesitation, who will contract his
brows and start back in speechless
horror, and stare for ten straight min
utes at the item: ''To onepiece of dress
braid, ten cents, " in a dry. goods bill that
his trembling wife hands him.
The diary of New Hampshire Majo
in the Revolutionary war gives this quaint
account of the celebrated " Dark Day"
in 1880: MAY the 10, 1780-was the
Darkes Day that Ever was nown and we
Mite also it Begun about 10 of We clock
and grew Darker By degrees til it vase
SOW Dark that we were obliged to lite a
| Candel."
CONSIDERABLE LOVER.
-" Mary" murmurcd lisping Alfred,
Undecided what to say
Mary, if you do not love me,
Thay so, that'th the only way.
But, NTH Mary, if you love me-"
Pressed the wretch in accents bland,
"And you wouldn't like to thay tho,
Then, NTH Mary, thqueeth my hand"
For religions sake Roumanian Chris
tians killed resident Jews; for religions
sake Turkish Mohammedans killed Rou-
manian Christians, who had killed the
resident Jews, and now, for religions
sake, Russian Christians are killing
Turkish Mohammedans, who killed the
Roumanian Christians, who killed the
resident Jews.-Chicago Journal.
-" Miltiades, my son." asked Spill
kins, pointing to the debris in the dish
before him as he rose from the dinner
table yesterday, "why is this neglected
morsel before me like the Sultan's forces
around Erzeroum?" Miltiades wrestled
with it for some moments, but finally
concluded to give it up. Because, "
said Spilkins, g it's the left wing of Tur-
KEY" Miltiades made break for the
door.
"A Partisan and his wife quarreled.
&c shall drown myself" she finally cried
out, exasperated. "Go, if | am all that
deters you" he answered. Still, he fol-
lowed her, and when she threw herself
INV uhS bClAO III dhu
her to land. AS he was climbing up the
bank, however, he slipped back into the
river, and, being exhausted by his pre-
vious exertion, was unable to save him
self. His wife, seeing his situation,
plunged in after him, but, as she could
not swim, that was of no avail, and both
must have been drowned had it not been
for the timely arrival of some policemen,
who pulled them out. The pair went
home like two turtledoves.
Lillian Stearns, aged sixteen, of West
field, Vt, fell in love with her eldest
sisters beau; but he stuck faithfully to
his choice. Lillian threatened to drown
herself, and one night, while the couple
were riding, she jumped from the bridge
which they were just crossing. The
stream into which she fell is not deep,
and it is believed that she had no inten-
ton of drowning herself, relying on be-
ing rescued by the fellow whom she
meant to impress. He might easily have
saved her if he had not been scared out
of his wits. Instead, he drove off for
assistance, and left her to drown.
IN THE CONSERVATORY.
-" But we must return! What WW they
saw?