The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-03-22
That DetrOi: Police Court.

JOHN ScoFIELD could remember of
drinking nineteen glasses of lager, a lass
of whisky and another of punch, but yet
he thought his case didn't come under the
head of drunkenness. He had stretched
out in the middle of Woodward avenue
for short nap, and was trying to fit his
back to hole in the pavement when an
officer came along and suggested that such
q position didn't become him.
DO you own this town? inquired
John, through the darkness.
The officer acknowledged that he didn't
own half of it, but insisted that the prison.
er get up. Prisoner insisted that he
wouldn't. Fight. True merit always
wins. Prisoner taken down peg or two.
Also taken to the station.
inquired the Court, as he looked down
upon the man from Indiana.
Judge, don't lay up no grudse on
me-" replied the man. "I'm a Teller who
has had q heap of trouble. I've been
married four different times, and I've
just run away from my fourth wife. I've
had three good horses die of the bots, lost
two cows by pizen, and everybody and
everything seems 10 be down Oh me.''
swell, don't see how it helped your
case any to get drunk" observed His
Hoaor.
ut didn't help it any-of course it
didn't, but felt mean and low spirited,
and kinder drifted into it. I'm about
gone up, Judge. I've got palpitation of
the heart, rheumatism, fever and ager and
lame back, and want to get out in the
country and peacefully and quietly ex-
pire."
You do, eh"'
"Yes, l do. I'll leave town and die
under some budding tree by the wayside,
and don't ask for any gravestone or
obituary notice in the papers. I'm used
up man, and want rcst.''
"I'll let you CO." said the Court. after
considering the case. "Take one of the
highways leading to the interior and make
tracks. If you should he picked up in
town within the next two weeks, you'd he
put where the price of strawberries
wouldn't cause you q single anxious
thought"
"Judge, believe you. Ycu don't
look like man who says one thing and
means another. There is resemblance
between you and an uncle of mine,
and"
Don't wait here one second longer!'
interrupted the Court, and John hurried
| out.
"JEss so, JUDGE.''
When Mr.. Gardner was walked out it
was discovered that he was a real nice,
fat man, with feet a tritle smaller than
Bijah's, and bald head.
jess so, Judge" he remarked, as he
came to halt. :" own up that l was
overcome for the time being, but then, it
was the first time in seventeen years, and
you can afford to let me off,
You ought to be ashamed to 60 stag
gering around when all Detroit is excited
over the temperance cause" said the
court.
"Jess so, Judge-1 feel as if I could
sink down through the floor. This will
be great and lasting lesson to me-"
1.-THE officer says you were very noisy"
"Jess 50, Judge-don't doubt his word
in the least. When a man gets about
three.fifth intoxicated his great and earn
est desire is to yell about four times as
lsud as whole tribe of Indians. Now
that you call my attention to it remem-
Der of thinking it was my duty to yell.
jess 50, Judge, jess So"
"YOu ought to set better example,
Mr.. Gardner
"Jess SO. feel that had, Judge, and
l will. I'll commence this very hour to
set good example,"
You think you can keep sober after
this, do your
II know l can. I'll do it if have to
drink thirty gallons of ice water per
day."
"Well, you can 60, and I hope you'll
keep your word like man."
civil, Judge. Good-bye-jess So"
And His Honor remarked to the audi
ence that it was always better to be kind
and gentle with bald-headed man.
Detroit Free Pyess.