West-Jersey pioneer., 1877-10-25
HOW HE FOOLED HER.

Bungay, the real estate agent over at
Pencader, suspected that Mrs. Bungay didn't
care as much for him as she ought to. So
one day he went up to the city, after leav- :
ing word that he would be gone two or
three days. While there he arranged with
friend to send telegram to his wife, at a
certain hour, announcing that he had been
run over on the railroad and killed.
Then Bungay came home, and, slipping
into the house unperceived, he secreted
himself in the closet in the sitting room, to
await the arrival of the telegram and to see
how Mrs. Bungay took it. After while it
came, and he saw the servant girl give it to
his wife. She opened it, and as she read it
she gave one little start. Then Bungay saw
a smile gradually overspread her features :.
She rang for the girl, and when the servant
came, Mrs. Bungay said to her:
"Mary, Mr.. Bungay's been killed. I've
just got the news. reckon I'll have to
put on black for him, though hate to give
up my new bonnet for mourning: You
Just 90 round to the milliner's and ask her
to fetch me up some of the latest styles of
widows bonnets, and tie a piece of black
Grape on the door, and then bring the un-
dertaker here"
While Mrs. Bungay was waiting, she
smiled continually, and once or twice she
danced around the room, and stood in front
of the looking glass, and Bungay heard her
murmur to herself:
81 amt such bad-looking woman,
either. / wonder what James will think of
me2"
"James!'' thought Bungay, as his
widow took her seat and sang softly, as if
she felt particularly happy. "Who in
thunder's James? She certainly cant mean
that famous old undertaken, Toombs? His
names James, and he's widower; but it's
preposterous to think that she cares for
him, Or is going to prowl after any man for
husband as quick as this"
While he brooded in horror over the
thought, Mr.. Toombs arrived. The widow
said:
"Mr. Toombs, Bungay is dead; run over
by locomotive and chopped all up" .y
every sorry to hear it, madam; SYM
pathize with you in your affection
''Thank you; it is pretty sad. But I
don't worry much. Bungay was a poor
sort of a man to get along with, and now
that he's dead, Pm going to stand it with
out crying my eyes out. We will have to
bury him, I suppose though?''
"That is the usual thing to do in such
cases."
"Well, want you to tend to it for me.
I reckon the coroner will have to sit on him
first. But when they get through, if you'll
collect the pieces and shake him into some
kind of bag and pack him into coffin,
I'll be Obliged ,-. r-...s. t...
Certainly, Mrs. Bungay. When do you
want the funeral to occur.'' -.4.--
"Oh, most any day. P'rhaps the sooner
the better, SOS we can have it over. It'll
save expense. too, by taking less ice. l
don't want to spend much money on it, Mr..
Toombs. Rig him up some kind of cheap
coffin, and mark his name on it with brush,
and bury him with as little fuss as possible.
I'll come along with couple of friends;
and we'll walk. No carriages. Times are
| too hard" .
"I will attend to it."
"And, Mr.. Toombs, there is another
matter. Mr.. Burgay's life was insured for
about twenty thousand dollars, and l want
to get it as soon as possible, and then l
shall think of marrying again."
"Indeed, madam!'
"Yes; and can you think of anybody
who'll suit me?''
"I dunno. I might. Twenty thousand
you say he left ?"
"Twenty thousand; yes. Now, Mr..
Toombs, you'll think me bold, but only
tell the honest truth when say that pre-
fer widower, and man who is about
middle-age, and in some business connected
with cemeteries"
"How would an undertaken suit you ?''
"I think very we'll, if could find one
1 often told Bungay that wished he was
an undertaken .-. ....-...
"We]l, Mrs. Bungay, it's little kind o1
sudden; I haven't thought much about it.
and old Bungay's hardly got fairly settled
away in the world of the hereafter, but
business is business, and if you must have
an undertaken to love you and look aftel
that life insurance money, it appears to me
that am just about that kind of man
Will you take me ?" b4
"Oh, James! fold me to your bosom!'
James was just about to fold her, wher
Bungay, white with rage, burst from the
closet, and exclaimed:
"Unhand her, villain! Touch that wo
man and you die! Leave this house al
once, or I'll brain you with the poker! Ano
as for you, Mrs. Bungay, you can pack ur
your duds aud quit. I've done with you
know that you are a cold-hearted, faith
less, abominable wretch! Go, and 60 al
once! did it to try you, and my eyes art
opened"
"I know you did, and concluded to pay
you in your own coin." -
"That's too awful thin. 1t won't hole
water"
"It's true, anyhow. You told Mr.. Ma
gill you were going to do it, and he tole
me-"
"He did, hey? I'll bust the head off O
him. nl
"When you are really dead, will be
good deal more sorry, provided you dom
make such fool of yourself while YOUR
alive.''
"You will2 You will really be sorry p
"Of course.''
"And you won't marry Toombs? Wher'
is that man Toombs? By George, I'll g
for him now! He was mighty hungry TO
that life insurance money! I'll step arount
and kick him at once, while Pm mad
Well talk this over when come back"
Then Bungay left to call upon Toombs