The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-12-20
Very Close Observer.

Cincinnati Breakfast Tablet
A Sixth-street horse auction man took
one of his customers home with him the
other day for dinner, and a madder
woman never slammed door than the
lady of that household became before
the two went back to the stables.
1t wasn't exactly because her husband
brought home company with him, for that
had got to be such common occurrence
that she had become somewhat resigned,
and had about come to the conclusion
that it didn't do much good to raise old
Ned about it every time. No, that
wasn't the trouble. 1t sprung up in
this way:
The horse man introduced his guest,
and as they gathered around the festive
board, the old trader squinted both eyes
at the hostess and sent beaming smile
skirmishing all around his ears, and
spread himself to make himself agree
able.
He was a man with a beefy COM
plexion, straw-colored shaggy whiskers,
and shocky head of dry, floating hair
that looked as though it didn't know a
comb from a buggy cushion. His
tongue was regular PAGER, and galloped
all over creation, and when his mouth
wasn't full of beef and potatoes it was
trotting from one theme to another fast
enough to make slow-motioned persons
head dizzy, until he got well seated on
his hobby and then he clapped in the
spurs and cantered along regardless of
consequences.
Yes, as l was sayin', Mrs. Withers,"
he said, as he passed his plate for new
weight, "Pye knocked around the world
good deal, man, and I've always
kept my eyes wide-open, and your hus-
band will tell you Pm a mighty hard
man to saddle in a close trade. I'm not
boasting when l say that Eve always
been what you might call a close OBJ
server. If l hadn't, now, would be
likely to notice that this was a turned,
table-cloth, or that the cat had left
chunks of fur in the skillet there9 No,
nam. 1t takes eyes used to looking after
flaws to hit on little fine pints like them.
1t don't take much preachin' to con-
vince me that you are savin', econo-
mical woman, when l notice that you
have warmed over the cold pertaturs
you had left from breakfast, and my
eyes tells me at once that you save
more'n enough to keep Laz here, in
cigars and whisky when 1 see that
you've made Johnny there, good COM
Portable pair O breeches out of hoss-
blanket that l used to own, and have
doctored up yourself purity fair basque
out of the inside trimmins of buggy
cover that your man had new topput on
to. Things like these take right hold of
me at onest, an if my old woman had
a saved me the money she could a. done
by maxim sweet pertatur coffee, as see
you've done, or mixed lard into the
butter now an then, like this, for in
stance, or followed the milkman with
pail O water, or kept from wastin' soap
in dish-water, or made the napkins last
longer by less washin' or clapped on
somethin' leetle turnin' to the stomach,
like this cheese, for example, that would
a. took the wire edge often the chill
dren's appetite, 1 don't s'pose I'd a
been obleeged to try to make an honest
hvin' tradin' hosses to-day. 1t don't
take many squints O. my eyes around
these premises to to tell me that you're
no highfyer arter fashions, and if the
signs O. the times pint to the fact that
you probably hain't had a new dress
made outen new cloth for three year, !
know, as plain as kin see that you've
salted down dime by crammin' one O.
Laz's ole stable coats inter the broken
winder there, that you didn't git it coz
you knowed it would be jist like
throwin' away money to clap new har-
ness onto fgger that would look every
bit as we'll in common gears as in the
very spankinest kind O shiny mountin's.
Yes. indeed, man, Pm a close observer,
and your blushes tells me faint often you
git full credit for all your strong pints,
but when l see anything that touches me
under the fore shoulder l don't hang
back about tellin' it, and I do say it,
that your man ought to be proud to
know that he is hitched to a mate that,
for close steppin,' kin go under the
string with any of 'em, no matter if
they do carry their heads higher and
have more style about 'em. Yes, for a
fact, mann. 1 do find it great comfort
to have eyes that tells me more than ]
could find in book. 1 wouldn't swop
my gift O sight for a stable as much
crowded with fast goers as your
mantle-shelf is of odds and ends, and
though my clothes may be as plain
lookin' as your baby's face, Pm as full
O tricks in hoss trade as that little
girls stockin's is O. holes. That's me,
every time"
If that 1ynx-eyed horse-trader ever re-
peats his visit he will be likely to meet
with warm reception-boiling hot.