Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-07-04
PITH AND POINT.

The White Mountain hotels are open,
| and fly fishing has commemorate but
ter dishes and milk jugs-Boston Com
naercia1 Bulletin
A PHILADELPHIA paper tells Of a col
ored musician who plays lhe ACCORDION
with pair Of cymbals" and whistles
diyinely.
THE only thing needed to make the
Yosemite Valley a paradise are few
more board fences, three or four more
skeletons Of mules, some more old hats
and hand gan.-Detroit Free Press.
THERE'S light dawning in the east"
remarks the war editor Of cotemporarv,
and Tor the sake Of preserving the dignity
OF the newspaper business, we advise
young men to go home earlier.
The time is at hand when q Young
man with only ten cents in his pocket
vainly tries to lead his girl to the side of
the street most remote from ice cream
and mptation.--Rom Sentinel.
A WRITER says, "The boys must help
themselves" Most boys do, until the
old man admonishes them by thump
on the head atsomebody else likes cake
as well as they.-Rocklaud Courier.
IT is almost time for some bald-headed
old journalist, who can't tell barley from
catnip, to come out with the annual
statement that the fences in America
take up 81 900 acres of ground.
SOME fellow has written an essay en-
titled Chow to get Married Without
Master" But man, in nine cases out
OF ten, gets " master" as soon as he
gets married.
! WHEN a man gets on the downhil1
road to misfortune about the only con-
ISOLATION left hiIa seems to be to kick an
other man who is going down still faster.
Rome Sentinel
SIX feet in his bootsw said Mrs.
Darlington, "and what will the imper-
| ance OF this world come to, [ wonderl
Why, they might as well tell me that
man had six heads in his hat"
A NAN never so forcibly feels the in
convenience of being understood
until his wife informs him that if he had
been tWO-inches taller his old pants
would have made two new pairs for his
son.
My DEAR" said an aaectionate wife
to her husband as she looked out of the
window, do you notice how green and
beautiful the grass looks on the neigh
boring hills" WE'LL" was the unpoetic
response, "what color would you have
it at this time Of the year 9'
ONE Of those instructive summer items
reads: "The Western Penitentiary at
Pittsburgh turns out one thousand pairs
OF shoes daily" Sometimes, although it
is not stated, one of the leaving pairs has
a convict in it.
No heart but her own can know the
agony that rends a Washington lady
correspondent when she is, trying to ex-
plain what it is about Senator's wife
who has red hair, one eye, freckles and a
wart on her nose, so irresistablv beauti-
full and universally admired
"AND where do you expect to 90 this
summer, NUM-" "To Saratoga"
"Well, then, num- I'm afraid the place
won't suit. My young man summers at
Long Branch, and we could not be
separated, mum-not in the season.
Puck
MINISTER'S should remember that the
weather is growing very warm, and the
same congregation which sits delighted
through two and one-half hours of a
fve-act comedy can't possibly endure
more than twenty-five minutes of ser
mon and a three-minute prayer. There
is limit even to human endurance.
MERRILLA, the grocer, tells us that
the grocery business is not what it used
to be. 1t is a hundred times more ex-
acting now. He says this explaining to
every customer why the war in Europe
affects the price Of a broom, mackerel, or
a paper of cornstarch-is what is sapping
away his life and covering the future
with pall.-Danbury Necs..
OF the many amusing blunders of
printers and proof-readers one of the
most striking occurs in a volnme Of laws
Of Vermont for 1876. Act No. 25
amends section seventy-eight-
of twenty-eight, which was probably in
tended-so that hereafter no person is to
be allowed to run a locomotive through
a saw-mill Af
A GENTLEMAN at an evening wedding
was asked by a young lady if he was not
going to take some wedding cake to put
under his pillow " to dream on" The
young gentleman replied that if he
wanted to dream he should eat a good
quantity at the spread and then he
would be sure to have dreams both num-
erous and brilliant-Boston Globe.
IT was at church strawberry festival,
and a young man with two much shirt
collar looked supremely sad and melan-
choly. The church pastor, noticing the
gloomy appearance Of the youth, asked
him if he enjoyed religion, and the
young man replied that he did-until he
was charged $50 for % cents worth Of
strawberries and cream. That settled it.
CIGARS are coming down. If every
smoker who has been used to smoking
expensive cigars would only manage to
use those that now sell sell eight for a
quarter, and put the balance in gen.
eral fund, we might shortly pay off the
national debt and fill the poor houses
with cigar men and wooden Indians out
of a job.-Danba~y Neaes.
UDEAR FARMER CoJTsJN are