Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1877-03-03
sbspl)srSstown Register.
s- We have sometimes heard oil


Eg We have sometimes heard old
topers say-and say it with the know
ing wink and solemn emphasis of maud
lin sincerity-that drink Of good whis-
KEY is mot to be sneezed at" but we
never, exactly, understood the signih-
canoe of the remark, until We learned,
last week, how abomiuably friend OF
ours from the country had been 'bull-
dozed" by drink of bad whiskey.
1t seems that one raw and gusty
day." this winter, the friend referred to
being in town on business, found it ne
cessary to extend his ride to Dufields
Depot, and that, to protect himself
more effectually from the wayside as
sauIts of wind and weather, he conclu-
ded to buy little of real cold Bour-
bun," or something similar, "to keep
the cold out" Knowing the impossl-
bility of getting pure liquor at the tav-
erns, he fiattered himself with the hope
that he could find some at one OF the
drug stores, which-"kept for medicinal
purposes, exclusively might be com
paratively free from noxious adultera-
tions Accordingly, he called at an
apothecary's, and having procured
pint of what purported to be frst-rate
sold rye" double-distilled, regularly
rectilied and not "doctored" with for
eign poisons and domestic drugs, he
started for Dufields.
When about two miles from town,
the sight Of "Kre,zers pump put him
in mind of the pint bottle in his pocket,
and he thought he'd test the quality of
its contents. So finging away his quid
of tobacco and clearing his throat, he
carefully drew The cork with his teeth.
Then lifting up his face, radiant with a
smile of anticipated happiness, he closed
his eyes screnely and putting the bottle
to his lips, gulped down mouthtul OF
the mos. awful mixture that ever exco-
rated thirsty mortal's throat With
a yell of agony he sprang from his horse
and rushed to the pump, spitting,spurm-
ing aud spIutteriug like spitetul old
tom. cat in fit of the tantrums! For
tunate indeed was it that the pump was
so near, for the whole inside OF his
mouth was so blistered and he was
burnt all the way down, as if with mol
ten lead; 80 that, although cold water
could not cure him, it would, in some
degree, allay the intensity of the pain.
"One swallow" they say, "don't make
summer" but that one swallow of our
friends certainly did make most sum-
mary change in hi temperature
After considerable delay he resumed
his ride, and presently came to clear
ing where several negroes were at work
cutting wood. "Boys," said he, "do
you want any whiskcy :" "Whiskey /!
they exclaimed, "de laws, Massa, bc
sho' we does" "Wel," he continued,
''here's some-a bottle of real red hot
which | paid big price for in town to-
day, and which l bought for the best in
the place, but it's too ALFRED good for
me SO here, take it; take it with my
blessing, boys; but-touch it lightly J.
and he turned tearfully away from tie
delighted darkies, who, Of course, were
abundantly demonstratiye in the express
sion of their thanks.
AS he rode on, ne began to feel a
tickling sensation in his nose singu-
lar sort of spasmodic irritation of its
membrine-or rather of its emuctolies
which, in a little while, eliminated
in a sneeze-and such sneeze 1t was
startling, stentorian and stupendous 1t
sounded like articulate thunder, aud was
followed by succession of similar ex-
plosions, which continued, at short in
tervals, until he reached the depot.
Now, we all know that ordinary
sneezeS are not disagreeable-in fact,
they are enjoyable. When we feel the
premonitory symptoms OF one, we stop
whatever we may be doing and encour-
age it to come We patiently wait for
it, in the pleasing hope, the fond de-
sire and longing after" its development
into full l-blown "blast OF nasality,
such as our ancestors were accustomed
to secure by suufing up pincEes OF what
Pope calls "the puDgent grains Of it'll
lating dust"
But such was not the sort of sneezes
which con7ulsed the mortal frame of
our afflicted friend, aud almost shook
bis head from his shoulders. If Milton
had heard one of his sternutations he
would probably not have written the
line,
Harmless, if not wholesome as sneeze."
II. this houayar "a n NAV we arc