The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1877-10-13
She Wanted Two.

1nere is no reason why Jne inventor OF
a remedy to "cure the worst case of ca.
tarrh inside of five minutes" shouldn't
feel it his duty to place bottle of the
same in every persons hand" price
twenty-five cents; no cure no paw"
Therefore, the long-legged chap who
pulled a door on John r. street
yesterday had none of that timidity in
his bearing which characterizes rag-buy-
ers, lightning-rod men and solicitors for
the fire sufferers. He had good thing
and he knew it, and he wanted others
to know it. When the door opened
and hard-featured woman about forty
years of age confronted him he pleasant
ly went to business and asked:
Madam, is your husband ever
troubled with the catarrh?"
"Can a man who has been dead seven
years be troubled with the catarrhy" she
grimly replied.
"But the children are liable to be at.
tackled at any hour this season." he re-
marked.
"Whose children"
Yours, madam"
l never had any, sir! What brought
you here, anyway? Why do you come
asking these questions?"
=" Madam, l have compounded RENE.
dy for the cat&rrh. 1t is a good thing.
I'll warrant it to knock any case of ca
tarrh sky-high in less than five minutes"
"Well, sir, what is all this to me?"
Why, madam-why-"he STAN
mered.
Do l look as if needed any catarrh
remedies?" she demanded, as she stepped
out on the platform.
Madam, would not for the world
have you think that l thought you had
the catarrh, but suppose the fair and
lovely can be attacked as well as the
strong and brave"
"And what have l to do with all that
rigmarole? Who are you, sir, and what
do you want?"
q" Madam" he whispered, backing
down one step, 81 have compounded a
remedy for the catarrh."
Whose catarrh, sir?"
Madam, am selling my catarrh-"
"Where is your catarrh-where is it,"
She interrupted.
He got down on the second step and
softly began:
Madam, l have a sure cure for the
catarrh, and l am selling lots of it."
We'll, what do l carel Must you
ring my door-bell to tell me you are sell
ing lots of catarrh medicine?"
He got down on the walk, clear of the
steps, and ne tried hard to look beauti-
fully around the mouth as he explained;
Madam, didn't ask you if your hus-
band was ever touched with catarrh?"
Eyes, sir, and didn't l reply that he
was dead! Do you want to see his grave,
sir?"
"No, madam, do not. I am sorry
he's dead, but my catarrh remedy can't
help him any, Good-by, madam"
Here, sir, hold on minute" she
called; "what was your business with
me?"
"Why, l have remedy for the Ca
tarrh."
$50 you said before"
81 asked you if you didn't want to pur-
chase and"
" You are falsifier, sir-you never
asked me to purchaser
' Do-you -want-a-bottle?"h he slow
ly asked.
Yes, sir-give me two of them
here's your money! Next time you want
to sell your catarrh remedy don't begin to
talk around about the discovery of Amer.
lea by Columbus. Here you've bothered
me fifteen minutes and put all my work
behind, and it's good for you that l
didn't bring the broom to the doorl"
He retreated backward through the
gate, his left'eye squinted up and his
mouth open. He shut the gate, leaned
over it and looked long at the front-door.
By and by he said:
You can never tell where to find
'emw-DetrOat Free Press.