The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-11-01
wAIFs AND wHIMs.
SIXTY persons die every minute.

WAITS AND WHIMS.
SIXTY persons die every minute.
TALL people live longer than short
ones:
MARRIED men are longer lived than
the single.
OUT of five hundred persons only one
attains the age of eighty.
THE reputation of a man is like his
shadow-gigantic when it precedes him,
and pigmy in its proportions when it fol-
lows him.
THE total number of human beings on
the earth is computed at 5000, 900, 900,
and speak three thousand and sixty
three known tongues.
SHARKS won't bite a swimmer who
keeps his legs in motion. If you can
keep kicking longer than shark can
keep waiting, you'll be all right.
THE faults of Christians are watched
with more rigid scrutiny than their vir-
ties; hence the Importance of sustaining
an umblemished character.
New YORK lawyers have come down
a little more in the mater of fees, and
are willing to leave a client pair of
boots to walk home inf they are old
ones.
TIMES of general calamity and con-
fusion have ever been productive of
great minds. The purest ore is produced
from the hottest furnace, and the bright
est thunderbolt is elected from the dark
est storm.
"DEATH is sad thing remarked a
Schenectady woman as she stood beside
an open grave. Eyes, poor thing" re-
piled another, chow he did like to sit
down to a good boiled dinner where the
pork was just right"
A MOTHER was amused the other day
to hear this bit of " argument" from
her little boy: Mamma, don't see
how Satan could have turned out to be
such bad fellow-there wasn't any
devil to put him up to it,"
New YORK Commercial. A Nevada
man has at last invented a machine for
the wholesale determination of grass
hoppers. If he will send us-a model of
it, we shall be glad to acquaint our
readers with the modus hoPper-an'-die.
A LITTLE boy in Springfield, Mass,
after his customary evening prayer a
night or two age continued, and bless
mamma and Jenny and Uncle Benny"
adding, after a moments pause, the
explanatory remark, "his name is Hop
kins."
NEVADA people are proud of a meteor.
The apparent diameter was about ten
inches, and when overhead it broke into
two pieces. About minute and half
later heavy report was heard, which
echoed among the mountains for two or
three minutes.
A KANSAS widow writes to one of our
contemporaries that almost the last thing
her "beloved husband" did was to re-
new his subscription to the paper.
Sharp woman that. All her early ad-
mirers will know that her youth and
beauty are again in the market.
LAUGH about Turkish and Russian
names, if you will but remember the
United States have Orodelfan, Nj Wet,
East Paw Paw, Teutopolis, Wild Cat,
Verdigris Valley, Slaughter, Wagon
Wheel Gap, and similar specimens of
nomenclature, purely American.
SWIFT was one day in company with
young coxcomb, who, rising from his
chair, said, with conceited and conf
dent air: "I would have you know,
Mr.. Dean, / set up for wit" Do
you, indeedT' replied the Dean; "then
take my advice and sit down again"
ROBINSON went up to his room the
other afternoon, and noticed that there
was only one match remaining in the
box. "Now if that shouldn't burn to-
night when come in" soliloquized he,
what fix should be in" So he tried
it to see if it was good one. 1t was.
THE lake in British America called
Rainy Lake." received that name not
because it is particularly rainy place,
but because of popular distortion of
the name of the French discoverer of
that sheet of water. His name was
/" Rene" and this got popularized into
rainy"
A CLERGYMAN asked some children,
"Why do we say the Lords prayer,
WHO art in heaven since God is every
where?" He was little drummer who
looked as if he could give an answer,
and turned to him for it. "Well, little
soldier, what say YOUR Because it is
his headquarters"
LUCY STONE has returned from Col
orado, where she found grievance of
her sex in the fact that, while intelligent
women could not vote, the Mexican
men living there had the right of fran
chise. These voters, she says, live like
hogs in mud huts, can not read or write,
and are in every way british.
A VERY tall, thin Highlander said
that he chad cold in his head, origi-
mating in wet feet" She looked at him
slowly from head to foot and back again,
as if measuring the distance the cold
had to travel, and then calculated:
"Gracious me! you must have got your
feet wet some time last year"
Two Troy brothers, who went home
late one night recently from celebra-
tion, disliked to arouse their aged father.
One of them, after infinite pains, eff
fected an entrance into the house by
means of grape vine and back window.
Then taking off his shoes, he stealthily
descended to the door to let in his
brother, and found it unlocked.