The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-11-08
WIT AND HUMOR.
LIGHT 'eaters-Gas stoves.

11ANAAA NUCOAS-AGIS SJONSSs
The panel game-Drawing jury.
THE lobster is like the leopard; he can
not change his pots.
THOSE marksmen who practice firing
at glass balls must be crack shots.
FASHION notes-Checks are much in
quired for-at the doors of the theaters.
A WESTERN teamster calls his near
mule Ann; says it is Scripture name
Ann, a nigh ass.
ABOUT the most uncomfortable seat a
man can have, as a steady thing, in the
long run, is self-conceit.
COOP partners at cards-a chimney
sweep and bugler. One can follow
SCOT, and the other can trumpet.
AN Atlanta woman says that if death
loves shining mark, it's wonder it
never aimed at her husbands nose.
The inventor Of the telephone has re-
Gently been married, and will probably
name his first boy William Tell E.
Phone.
AN Ohio Granger, on being asked by
the court if he had any inoumbrance on
his farm, replied: eyes, your Honor,
my wife"
WHEN the industrious farmer makes
souse out Of a pigs ears and ham out of
his hind legs, he is literally making both
ends meat.
A BAREFooTED little boy stepped on
bee, and soon after said to his mother
"Ma, didn't know that bees had spin
ters in their tails p
The other morning lady received
telegram that her father was dead.
"Now," said she, "John, can't help
| buying me some new Clothes"
A BOARDING HOUSE mistress, like the
rest Of us, has her weak and strong
points-the weak point being her coffee
and her strong point her butter.
GIVE all knows" said the school-com-
mitteeman to the new teacher he was ex
aiming for her position, I" tha' A, B an
@ is novels; but wot we wants to know
is wy they is So
A LOCAL poet drops into liquid verse
after the following flowing fashion:
The melancholy days have come,
The saddest of the year,
When it's too warm for Irish hot
Too cool for lager beer.
EGYPTo1oGIsT writes to know if
Cleopatra did her own sewing. We can't
say positively, but, from what little we
remember Of that ancient lady, we think
if she sowed anything it was wild OATS
H0aOk-Eye.
CLARA (bathing against medical Or
ders): ooh, dear, there's the doctor on
the cliff! What shall I do?" Laura
"Bob your head under water. He'll
have passed in ten minutes !''-E3aglisb
advice to friends.
A CONNECTICUT man whose death was
fal>ely reported in a newspaper, writes:
''It's mistake. I've no thought of dy-
ing. I couldn't afford it when funeral
expenses are up higher than a kite, and
potatoes only 80 cents bushel in Water
bury"
INFORMATION WANTED.
In the dim ages long since gone,
Professor Huxley says,
The owl was then reptile born,
And crawled DER stony ways.
But when he shed his shining scales
And donned his feathery snit,
To aloft mid favoring gales,
Changing his hiss to boot
Professor Huxley does not say,
Nor show the missing link"
Alas for science in our day,
When wise men only blink!
Boston Advertiser.
A GOOD story is told Of a scapegrace
whom mentor reminded that his aunt
had paid his debts, and that he should
be more submissive to thewishes Of his
relative. The young good-for- nothing
did not take much heed of the sermon.
but when his creditors were mentioned
he had real grievance: eyes yes r'
he allowed coolly, "my aunt paid my
creditors, but what has she done for
me q"