The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-09-15
A LOST LIFE.
NJ. m,or of a Man Who Died at II, Yet Never
Lived at All.


A few weeks ago there was found dead II
his house at Dion. France, Paul Legrand, {
man of II, and a wellknOwn character OF the
CITY. Evidences of suicide, in the presence o.
ialfempticd laudanum bottle, and tumbel
with the drers of dose Of poison in the bot
tom. were AT hand and on the table beside
them was the following most curious memoir
II memoir which will take its place in the
collection of literary curiosities of the century
and Nv which the author seems to have proved
,erv conclusively for himself at least that, dy
ing at the age Of II, he had not really lived al
all:
"All suffering, pain, ennui despair, sorrow
desire and regret should be taken from our
ives" he writes, and then proceeds to deduct
those experiences from his own score Of years
and to foot up the loss.
The whole memoir may perhaps be explain
Ell by one of the opening clauses:
AT the age of years was wcancd," 1t says
AT spoke, but badly; at years | cracked
my skull, and at 8 was cured. therefore de
duct these nine years from my cXistence-tOi
il cannot be called life TO drink the sour mill.
Of the nurse, to speak ncoherently, to crack
ones skull.
AT years began my studies; but having
4 lard head, in consequence OF my cracked
skull, | was slow of instruction. Az the ehd
Of two years knew my alphabet, but at what
cost. The letter alone cost me 400 blows
with ruler, and the twenty-thTTee others mar.
tyred me- At - years ! could read, II WAS
true, but my body was wealed with those al
phabetical scars.
They now endeavored to teach me Latin
and forgot my French. At - years | knew
absolutely nothing at all, and in consequence
Of a hread-andwater diet was mere skeleton
| therefore deduct, for my school.days SIX
years more from my miserable life
AT - my father apprenticed me as clerk
to notary. Now commenced new species
Of martyrdom. | rose at 6, swept the office
built the fire, and was kicked by the head
clerks while my father, in consequence Of the
complaints made against me, deprived me OF
my dinner. The five years spent this way
deduct off what is left of my life.
AT 20 years my father, disguised with me
shipped me on a vessel at Cherbourg. wash
Cd the t0recastle, coiled the cables, climbed the
n,asts, reefed the sails, and received at least
Hirty blows on the back each day with mar
linspike each day. This lasted four years and
al the end had no back left at all.
At "A years my father made me mercer
and married me to the daughter of IA turner
On the night of the wedding discovered that
nv wife had wooden leg, manufactured by
her father. The poor woman made me a thou
sand excuses, and | pardoned her IN consider
alton of her dowry of 10000 francs, invested in
mortgage on Guadalupe sugar plantation
Dut soon the negroes OF Guadalupe revOlted
md burned my dowry. Nothing was left me
but the wooden leg.
AT 30 years lost my wife Of tumor on
her good leg. had passed the six years OF
my married life repeating every minute, What
a fool was to take that wooden leg there
| fore deduct these six years from my life.
Having like all the world, spent third OF
. my life in sleep, deduct "a years more which
/ less than Il just estimate, as am great
sleeper.
"One year more lost, minute for minute, in
hunting for the key Of my secretary, which
always mislaid. Three years vanished by my
making such remarks as What time is it?
1t is bad weather today I'm tired Mon
Dieu. Mon Deur etc, etc Six months spent
n backing my boots and six in brushing my
hat One year lost in the between acts at the
theatre. Another in listening to new plays
One year again in complaining of soups will
too much salt in them, of Overdone outlets, in
ligestions, and hard eggs. Total then, seven
ty-One years
Il think, then, that in rendering mp my life
20 God, am not making him present of any
hing Of much account"