The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-02-10
VARIETY.


A Chinaman spoke all the English he knew
in indianapolis the other day, and was fined
dollars for profanity.
A woman who was told that some tables il
the Russian department were made of malachite
exclaimed My goodness l thought mala
chite was one of the prophets ~
Seedy gent Ito policeman) =" Beggar Who's
q beggar? How do you know as 1 amt swell
what ave been to q ball-mask in the karicter o
a cadger, and is a-walkin' 'ome in s1nys cos
tOOm?'
If you call a man ungrateful, you can impnte
TO him no more detestable act, One migrate
full man does an injury to all who stand in need
of aid The animal with long ears seldom leaves
his trough without kicking it.
"Oh, mamma, that's Captain Jones' knock
know he has come to ask me to be his wife -
&" Well, my dear, you must accept him" SO But
| thought you hated him so ~ /" Hate him?
do-so much that mean to become his mother
iR-law :"
Two Yankees were once describing the char
acter of q third. One defended him, and the
other disparaged his honesty. 'f WE'LL" said
the first, "you must admit he has lots of moral
principle. - &" He oFter have" retorted the
second, . for be never uses any, .t....F
8. 1t is said that a hen held up by one leg will
not squawk half so much as when both legs are
graspedP' Persons who are accustomed to
purchasing their poultry at night, a fow hours
after the owner of the poultry has retired, will
do well to cut this out and paste it in their hats
Learn to live frugally in your youth, that you
may afford to live independently in your old age.
IL is easier to work when you are young than to
beg when you are old. The hardest thing at
any time Of life is to live the charity OF those
who wish you were dead aud out of the way. -
A little miss, writing to her father on the first
~ Ho-a ofh boar VS.
g The hEst evening We had prayers, and then
singing, and passing around of bread, which
did not take, because, not being confirmed, i
thought I had no right to take communion.
Afterward l learned that ! had lost my sup
per-"
ded by n companion to try certain kind OF beer
which was to be had in Newcastle. But,
mind,'i be was told, IS it's rather dear-three-
pence a glass" Nevertheless he resolved to test
It. Next morning he met his friend. " De ye
CALI that beer dear?'' said he. lie Aa caall it
cheap. Wey, couple of glasses will make ye
drunk ~
When a Chicago girl received despatch from
Wisconsin, announcing that her lover was going
of with consumption, she teiegraphed to her
friend 81 Has poor Jeffrey kept up bis life in
surance ?'' The friend telegraphed back " Policy
for so, 900 in your favor is paid up to May 9th,
1877. Poor Jeffrey cannot last after the first
cOlQ Lug yOauk -AuuJ HOhucLSu
philosophically how she would look in black,
and telegraphed to jeffrey: IS Darling, will be
with you on Tuesday, never to quit you during
life. Lurline.'' :. Ita viii be sad loss to you,
my love, - said her mother. s. Yes, MAJ sobbed
the girl, " ont the loss is fully covered by the
George William Curtis, talking of railway
manners, tell this story A young woman sud-
denly feunces in her eeat af1d throws up her
arms aud exclans to her fellow travellers, through
hex companion " Did you ever know anything
so hot2 I'm sitting. Can't you open this win
dow? v hsw whew dear it's dreadful,
isn't it It's always so in these cars. My it's
awfull'' On one occasion, when this kind Of
Eemark had been made at some length for the
edification of the company, n voice was heard
from the other end of the car: Yes'm, its
awful. But let's try to bear up. Taint nothin'
general laugh followed, and nothing further was
hesrd from that young woman. .H
SrRAkCLING A HoRsE-We have often held
forth on these columns on the necessity of good
We have to record an instance in
which a life was nearly sacrificed through wretch
ed chirogEaphy. One of our citizens made out O
bill and sent it to q neighbour. The debtor on
on receiving it saw the bill was 8. For Stranglng
a Horse, 80 dols.'' This astounded him. He |
lad no such service performed, and he told the |
boy he would not pay any such bill as that, as
ne did not owe II. This message aroused the ire |
of the horse stranger. He hasted to the OBJ |
durate debtor and demanded in some heat why |
the account would not be settled. 1t was |
legitimate. The neighbor protested that he |
never had such a service done; that he never |
owned horse in fact. 90 What's that about a |
horse ?' suspiciously inquired the stranger, who
seemed to think ne detected an attempt ON the |
part of the debtor to eyade the subject. " Why, |
fh,s horse Here you bring bin against me of
80 dolls. fer strangling horse" The creditor
easpingly reached for the bill. s. What's this
fomfoolery about horse? ?" he frowningly said, |
looking over the writing, There IS nothing |
here about horse. This is bill for shingliDg |
a horse, and it is 80 dols." g Well, may 1 be |
durned softly calculated the debtor, as he took
out his ocket-book.-DdnbUry 4Setos. '..'
Those coloured residents of Raleigh who were |
talking of an excursion to the Centennial have |
about given up the subject. The idea originated |
with a grey-haired IS uncle" who didn't expect |
TO live another hundred years. and who, it turned
out had private axe to grind. lie planned the |
excursion the cooperative principle. To a |
crowd of his friends he explained - reckon
de expenses at 90 dollars. Fifty OF us will trow
in dollar each, an L will 60 down thar. When
get back We will frow in another dollar arOun,'
and de next man kin go, an We'll keep tbs
system goin' till de hull caboodle has been down
thar The idea took at once and was freely
talked over, but was knocked in the head at
second meeting by q brother asking " Uncle
Ike how long does yOu" expect to be gomez
80 Only two weeks he replied So each one will
be gone Just two weeks IS IF dar's fifty of us
an each one is gone two weeks, what part Of de
show will de last see?'i the blunt
query. Uncle Ike tried to convince them that
dates and figures were made for mere convent
ence sake, but the crowd thipned out so rapidly
that he was soon left alone. When he had seen
the last man turn the corner, he sighed sad sigh
and muttered: So guess I'll have TO go widout
dat razor for another year. Desc here niggers
seems like dey hadn't any genius. ''-R Raleigh
Sentinel!