Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1877-12-29

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kes<lzsloa xhea / am ogs in the
cod Whale siesder-legsed Young
men fEon SkowhegHn catch lies o6
of Government desks. am the
only person who wants an Office, and
fsel that / ought to be cherished q
ns1nral curiosity and put in . de-
partnsnt. 50 when strangers visit
this part of the moral vineyard they
can onEe upon Q noble patriot whose
soul b above lucre, and whose prin-
ciples are modelled upon those Of the
Administration-no matter whose
Administration.
Now, there's a show in the Interior
Department, over which the philo-
sophicc! Carl presides, and I want
to GET before that Civil Service Ex-
amining Board 80 that / can get
loose some Of my wisdom. The
havoc1 will create among common
fractions will cause weak minded
persoss TO howl, and the consterna-
tion that win seize the different parts
of speech will make Lindley Murray
crawl sout of his tomb and fill his
coffin with tears. The geography Of
this country will undergo some rath-
er startling changes, and, Lord! how
the confidence of the public will be
shaken in Daniel Webster as con-
stitional expounder when I tackle
that ancient document. The only
thing is to get before the Board.
I've got thirty y-seven APPLICATIONS on
file in the various departments, and
I've told them in all sorts Of ways
that Tn q nice young person and
would bean ornament to any we'll
rag1latsd Office, but somehow or 9th
.ssskkssy Sinnt sAeam p !. ,khat, alouine
faith in my declarations which Il SO
captivating in the heads of a Depart
ment, so, therefore, am still out
in the cold world, and my autograph
decorateth not a payroll. Boss,
were you ever busted-broke-up
a tree-strapped! Were you ever
haunted by wild-eyed grocers and
pursued by the savage smiles of an
unpaid landlady? Did ever that
time come to you when a dollar bill
looked like an Iowa corn field, and q
five cent nickel was as hard to raise
as chunk of pig iron? Did it
ever occur to you in your career
that saloon-keeper's confidence in
your promise to pay was as full of
holes as cane-bottomed chair, and
when ragmen tried to sell you to pa
per-makers? I am one of those fell
lows. Unfortunately I'm not the
man who first introduced Hayes to
the notice of the American public;
I'm not the original Jacobs, and,
though Walker, alas, I am not
Vinegar Bitters' Walker, who had
barrels of money. Therefore, oh,
silver-mouthed Senator, lack &" in
fluence." Get Inc into the Interior,
and that Department will secure the
services of clerk who will never re-
sign when another war comes on and
leave the Government in the lurch,
and Carl can go TO the Schuetzen
park ami drink beer in peace and
have his mind easy. knowing that I
will ran things on 3 strictly civil ser
vice t1Gszs-
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