Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-02-09
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town on q load of hay yesterday, and as
she drove up to the market she called out
Everybody git away, for I'm coming
down |"
Down she came off the back Of the load,
striking the ground like a load of stone.
and when the men around there came to
see that she was al broad as she was tall
they began to banter her.
"No fooling now - she called out "My
names is South, and I've driven that load
of hay fourteen miles this morning !; I
know I'm fat, but I've got business IN
hand and can't stand any nonsense"
After the load of hay had been weighted
she was offered fifty cents to step N the
platform, while a dozen men made up a
purse of two shillings each to 60 to the
mar who guessed nearest her weight.
"Two hundred and ninety !" called out
the w~eighmaster as the beam went up.
s'That's my heft to a pound, added Mrs.
South, and reaching out she seized the hat
with the stake purse in it. crammed the
money into her pocket and continued
"You can't make no side show of me
and all get deadhead tickets ?"
There was quite a row over her gobbling
the cash, but she backed to the scales,
spread out her fat hands and remarked :
"Gentlemen, if anybody thinks he can
take the money away from me, here l am ;
lam very motherly and tender hearted, but
I know my weight and clawing capacity!''
Detroit Free Press.
A Rome miss of seven summers has con-
cluded to marry a big man for her first
husband and a little n for the second, 80
that she can cut the clothes of the first
down and make them over for his success
sors. Thus the hard times force home
lessons of rigid economy and practical
sense upon tender childhood.
A Washington lady got angry at a young
naval officer becauselhe reminded her that
he had once participated with her in a
dauce in which there was a kissing forfeit.
A woman does not get half so angry when
she is kissed as when she is told of it. The
rule Is quicker up or shut. up.
"Come around at 2, and take a hot chop
with me-" said a friend to Spilkins the
other morning: "You vary your diet, don't
your" replied Spilkins. SLOWS that?''
asked the friend, impatiently. "Why, you
gave me a cold shoulder the last time 1
called"
The ice crop is this season,
and suggests the probability that the con-
sumption of water in a liquid state next
summer will be proportionately less. "If
we can have frozen ice" said a man with
a blossom on his nose, I'VE don't really
need any water"
Perhaps a man with chillblains doesn't
like to get up these cold mornings and
kindle the fire 4; but when he married her
he took her for ssbetter or worse,'' and
there she is, sitting up in bed, just ready
to hurl those words at him.
A young lady sent a poem to a British
newspapers, entitled 81 Cannot Make Him
Smile" The beast of an editor ventured
to express an opinion that she would have
succeeded had she shown him the poem.
Queen Victoria brought up her children
on oatmeal and milk. But it is wickedly
limited That the success was not suf-
fciently encouraging to justify a repetis
tion Of the experiment.
A Sussex county granger in ''what he
knows about farming gives an excellent
plan to remove widows weeds. He says a
plucky, good looking man has only to ask .
"Wilt thou ?" and they wilt.
Business seems to be generally reviving.
A man went around to the saloons one
day last week trying to trade three palm
leaf fans for ten cents worth Of hot
Scotch.
Movable heels have been invented for
ladies' shoes, SO that a belle may at will
proportionate her height to that of the
gentleman who happens to be her beau.
1t is true that the sins of the fathers are
visited upon the children, but it is not
every man who can make the community
regard his vermillion nose as a birthright.
Love is capable of almost any sacrifice,
but no man can swallow a hair from the
adored ones head in the butter without
first suppressing N instruction Of his
sesophagus.
A young man on the hill came near
creating a riot last Tuesday by asking a
e d-headed woman if she carried a ther-
mometer in her bonnet.
We see that in a certain hospital they
have "a physician of sixty years. stand
ing" If is time he time he was allowed
to sit down.
"Brace up and have some style about
you,' said a newsboys to the gentleman
who suddenly sat down on the sidewalk.
A Troy husband wasn't actually jealous
his wife, but he broke her nose 80 that
one else would call her good looking,
Adam and Eve, We supposes, were the
first to start stunning over new leaves" |
They did it to keep up with the fashions.
The Indiana Odd Fellows have an odd
case. A member has been sick for twenty
four years, and is still putting in time.
81 never did like mutton with capers,' -
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