The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1877-04-05
Observations of Men and Things.
BY OUR GEORGE.

of old, ask is there no defender OF bald headed
men? They are daily assailed in public places and
in the press, and no one grds on armor for their
defence one OF THE HAIRLESS.
BELFAST, March, 1877.
My friend, you have got me where the hair is
short or rather | have got YOU and really ae
knowledge that have some hesitancy in coming
to your rescue. Drowning persons are generally
| rescued by scizing them by their hair but bald
| headed man cannot be saved that way, evidently.
hardly know where to take hold of this subject.
Although a small thing, there is tremendous power
i'll hair 1t is as strong as love of country. !
have known cases where a single hair was able to
lift hearty meal out of Il man. when the hair was
simply drawn across a biscuit. neatly coiled up
in fish ball, or arranged in an artistic monogram
in ball of butter 1t is these little hair lines i'll
the picture Of life that causes the incidents to
stand out so boldly A hair i, not as big as an
earthquake; but weave one deity through the
brstles of a toothbrush and then accidentally lose
it in your mouth and have one end gently tckl.
yaur palate while the other rests the roots of
Your tongue. and no subject has any interest for
You till that hair is removed You cough and rag
and spit; your eyes stand out like picture knobs,
while the tears roll from them as heartily us if they
were engaged for funeral You gasp and hcaye,
and endeavor TO reach both hands down Your throat
| at once; your toothbrush Slips from your grasp
and falls into the Stop jar: Your stomach refuses
| 10 be comtorted seconds heightened into
hours, till finally YOU succeed in extracting the
| hair with Your finger Then the pleasures Of life
| once more return To you. you push your eyes
| back into their places, aud wipe the perspiration
| from your face, feeling is much exhausted as
though yon had been wrestling, with an angel
| And all this caused simply by q hair This is no
fancy sketch tina. have painted. bot l. as true to
| life 4 twent y-ve cent chrome
But 10 Your note find that the first THING
necessary is for to arrange and sort out Noul
Scripture little. You are not following suit my
| friend and Your communication would lead a less
wary bird than myself into trouble Elijah was he
whom the Lord took up into heaven, leayin% his
old clothes for Elisha. who IS the chap after
Elijah the one that the ravens led that ~ lie
was The hr3t man who ever ate crow, and II wa
| he who made thai historic remark. | can eat ii
| Glow, but / don't banker after il Elijah
| man who put on considerable style Ii We NAV bc
| lleyc The account which @.ty thai he Sill ,l1y
man,
| Bun twas Elisha who A. lie wa p.,7s; thluu- h
the streets was tooled al by the hooinna VI thai
| day with 60 up, thou bald head! 90 up thou
bald head !" aud Elisha did then Just what an Eli
| sha would do now liz turned round and swore Al
| those boys till the air WAS - cerulcIn that the
boys THOUGHT 1hcy were looking through bidc Dlass
| You want & defender for bald headed mcn and IL,
| want me 10 hold the fort" What is it that You
want defended, Your head from the scorclina
| rays Of the sun! Ii Won don't want to II hal
| or carry umbrella, why don't You have il GOV
| cred with gravel rootingt Or have little rim
made 10 your head and ill i'll with Il sulut
| rich soil and it down To lawn grass, and i'll
! few weeks you will have a luxurious head Of beau
iiul green hair and your wifi. keep il 1rimmcc
| with the lawn mower and wiki what you cut oil
you viii have sufficient feed 10 keep pair of rab
| bits. The moisture of Your head Will keep Tho
| grass growing, and the only Inconvenience yoy
will labor under will be that You will have To cont
| your hair with horse rake
If however YOU wish TO be defended from tn,
| remarks that are made fear that am powerleS>
| 10 helpvou. The human mouth isa wonderful piece
of mechanism, and is as liable to 20 oti as an nm
| loaded gun. You must cheer up and rcInclnbo1
| that history and tradition point out many lStri
Gus persons and things that were bald headed
| There is the ivory headed cane 10 begin with. We
it is highly respected. The most celebrated monn
tains in the world are bald. The American eagle
| that bird of Freedom who always has his hand
full OF arrows and lightning and flags. and who al
| ways wears Il shield for Il bosom pin, he is bal,
headed but advcrtises that he is competent t
| Jerk any nation bald headed. who attempts to in
| tcrtcrc with him Again the bald headed man il
| never scalped. The Indian gazes at his polished
knob and treats it like Il hard conundrum an(
| gives it up at once He feels that there is not il
the whole tribe, lnjin-lity enough to pull off hi
| scalp Bald headed men are safe, until the gov
| eminent provides the savages with cork screws
with which they can lift off the scalp, rs easily a
you can pick up oyster on two tined fork
! 1t was only until recently that | have given Thu
bald headed question much thought 1t droppe,
on Inc as suddenly as flap jack drops on grddle
| was sitting in the BARRIERS chair and the tonsoria
artist gently preached the subject BY saving
| where are YOU going Going ," said / going
| I'm not going anywhere that know Of" .-Oh
thought you We're, as saw the top Of Your hea,
was coming up through your hair. -tnd then i
dawned on me that my hair might be going
where we should part to meet no more.
The advantages are not I'LL on the side of hair
| There was Absalom If he had been bald hetdct
| he would be alive and We'll TODAY AbSulom hat
| one little failing common with The people OF 10
| day. He colored his hair. Judge he did bccatst
| when told that he dead his father exclaimed
| My son Absaom, would God | had t{,aH lot
| thee Absllom WAS probably goine to the barber
| when he met his death
| Then there WAS Samson see the difficulty thai
he got into The most singular part Of his story is
| that being married man he was not already balc
| beaded, but believe he was a Grass widowcr al
| the time of his trouble. Samson was one Of III,
cufiositieI OF his day He WASH conundlum maker
and had 4 streak OF humor in HIM and sometime
! met with accident when he tried 10 tell The
truth When Delilat SAID 10 him wherein i-H
thy slren.th he H,{ 10 her three rlnco before Ii,
told her DclilAh repaid him BY hurin" his hair re
| moved amt consider II i barber Gus Proceeding
on her part Samson afterwards guge farewell
exhibition "1 his strength, and Judre that tn,
performance very satisfactory al any I,rr he
brought down the house
think ii was Il Chiedy" photographer mllo ailel
attending the theatre, when there were i Lrav
number Of bald headed men Ill the audience thus
alluded 10 il "l.ookin,: down from the gallery on
lie heads OF the audience, il seemed H. If the p,,t
| quct was paved with cnbblc 3t"nes
[ once knew watch maker who hriuo bald
headed, cnnctyed the idea of inserting inlo his
head. The movement OF Il watch. connecting il uu
the outside with hands He then had !; dad paint
cd on his bald Uranium. and the hands rcvolvrd
with great accuracy He wound il up through his
| He told me that liz, found il quite convenient
al night when he ,twokc, is all h, had 10 Ito was
IL feel upon his head and Ae coud tell ~ tcliy
W hat time ii WAS.
The last tribute To padded headed men, M:ls Mat
paid by the woman whose husband was remark
ably bald He died and She could not bear the
thought Of having him laid away of her sight.
so she had him embalmed, and dressed up in his