The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1877-11-15
A Man Under the Bed.

| One of the most striking characteristics of
woman is her cheerful perseverance of look
| ing under the bed for man. No man in his
| senses ever looks under the bed for woman
| but there are millions of women in this country
| who would find it quite impossible to sleep in any
| bed under which they had not previously looked
| for a concealed man. Experience is lost upon
| them. The average married woman of forty years
OF age has usually looked under the bed at least
1000 times, without ever once finding the expected
man but she is not in the least discouraged by so
long course OF failure, and 1t would be easy to
find women of ninety years of age who still nj ght
ly search for the man whom they have never found
Miss johnson, of Evanston. will hereafter be
famous woman whose long perseverance has
been signally rewarded 1t would be indelicate to
inquire into her precise age. had she described
herself i'll recent affidavit as having been born in
the year 1884 and we may, therefore, take it for
granted that she is at least forty three years old
If we assume that she began to look under the
bed at the age Of fifteen. it follows that she has
performed that ceremony more than 10000 times,
Until last Friday she never found the smallest
fragment Of man nnder her bed, but on that
eventful night her perseverance was rewarded, and
the long sought man greeted her astonished gaze
Miss johnson being an unmarried lady, not
wholly unconnected with the millinerS trade. and
full of womanly Independence, resides entirely
alone in a small house containing but three rooms
"a kitchen. shop and bed room. Dogs she de
Spises, and cats she mistrusts while for men,
she regards them poor creatures who may posi-
bly, have their uses in time of drought when the
water must be carted from the creek, but who, as
rule, make more trouble about a house than their
neckS are worth. Holding these views it natural
ly follows that Miss Johnson lives alone and the
cool bravery with which she locks up her house at
night and seeks her solitary couch, matter il a
tirstc class thunder storm is in progress. has for
years been tine admiration 0f the more tmid OF her
sex.
1t was about II O'Clock last Friday night when
Miss Johnson stopped down and looked under her
bed for a possible man, precisely as she had done
on 10000 previous nights. Whether she or
not astonished at perceiving large sized man
living under the bed, with the back of his head to
ward her, will never be known, but at any rate
she gave no sign of astonishment and did not even
inform the man that she saw him. On the con
trarv she resumed with great deberation the
nocturnal twisting of her back hair and even soft
ly hummed Hold the Fort with as much dis
tinctness could be expected Of a woman while
holding a comb between her teeth, Her back hair
being finally finished she opened her window,
turned down the lamp until it gave forth dim
and modest light and then stepped gracefully into
bed But not to sleep,
That sagacouS woman was perfectly well aware
that the man under the bed not suSpecing that he
had been discovered, would creep forth with
view to plunder. as soon as he found that she
asleep. The bedstead stood in the corner of the
ROOM and from the position OF the man it was
plain that he would creep out at the side of
the bed Miss johnson, therefore changed her
hSldi llutlItl III Cpll loSlIlS IGlScIi 70 rest
lay, as she subsequently, expressed it. flat as
pancake" with her head projected over the side
OF the bed at the precise locality where she eX-
pected the mar e appear Fnr at least half m hour
she lay perfectly still, Watching for the man with
a Stealthy vigilance that would have down credit
to an astute and experienced cat Not muscle or
hair pin of her frame moved, and her breathing
was as slow and regular that of profound
sleeper At length, the man, confident that she
was asleep. sottlr legan to worm himself from
un1pr the he'd mpyiutr a rhn IN DrpSrrbpd
by way ot penalty to the original serpent Of the
Garden of Eden. Little did he imagine that
pair Of pltless gray eyes were waiting for the ap
pearance of his head, while pair OF 1.-the and
nervous hands were ready to pounce upon his ears.
1t was not many minutes, however, before each
ear suddenly caught in an memorable grasp,
and his head began to oScllae with remarkable
speed between the floor and edge Of the bedstead,
Won Moltko himself could not have surpassed
Miss Johnsons tactics. She had the man com
pletely at her mercy, and he was as helpless as
though his head were in the stocks, At first his
captor maintained grim silence, but after she had
bumped him sufficiently to ease her mind, she ad-
dressed him upon the WickedneSss and folly of
seeking to rob her la vain did the man protest
that his motives were innocent; that he had mis-
taken the house, and had merely intended to take
a quiet nap under his own bedStead where the
lilies could not find him. Miss johnson sternly
told him that he could not make her believe any
such nonsense, and that she would " let him
know, and would also show him, These threats
were carried out by renewal of the humping
process, until the man yelled for mercy so loudly
that the nciLhbors aroused and rushed to
Miss Iohnsons house with the firm conviction
that gang of burglars had murdered that excel
lent woman. and were quarrelling over the division
of the spoils. 1t was not until strong force,
armed with clubs and hatchets, had reCElcssly en-
tered the room. that Miss johnson surrendered her
captive, with the remark that the sooner they took
themselves off the better, and that if auy other
man would like to lie under her bed, She was en-