Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1877-10-04
a heunder, L couldn't have been upset quick
er and mashed latter than Twas or that a,r.

No : was ~ ulucn shocked by the dis
aster chat L commenced mechanically. AS
soon as [ could pick myself up. TO nef her
she smelled the last drink | had taken on nv
breath and her caresses in return for mine re-.
minded me very much of an incident which
l witnessed III Il circtss once when Il boy en-
deavoreu to pet an elephant by giving him a
q'lld OF tobacco Such pievcs Of Il boy as
could be found were decently Inferred ,n.
wv hen came to myself fully again, that
part OF me which loves, YVES SO much disar-
ranged that l could not carry out the next
portion of tile programme. [ asked her to
go fishing; she looked at me, and I felt tor
the moment that there were other Occllpa-
ions more agreeable and profitable than fish
ing, SO concluded to postpone that amuse-
nleut.
When Sabbath morning arrived, l invited
hef IN my blandest and most devotional &C
cents, to attend the sanctuary with me.
"She gazed at me with nnfeigneu won
d%er'nent. and drawing herself up to her
most aristocratic height, she informed me
that tobacco mungers and beer drinkers had
no symrathizers in respectable churches, and
that there were no reserved seats for them
in the kingdom OF heaven.
~ didn't go to CHURCH that day, and spent
1t as best COULD, but in rather q discounted
frame OF mind, at seeing my pet plans for en-
conraging motllers-in-law scattered one, by
one to the winds. Still I pcsSevered. An
opera troupe came to the city I secured
three reserved seats-one for my mother-in-
law. one For her daughter and the other for
myself. >D.. 81. ,
when I Informed my mother-in-law of
my. action she seemed incredulous that [
could have been SO presumptuous as to have
bought seats without first consulting her as
to. where they should be located. s,>>. +.
'.She said n~otlssng, however, abouttle To-
cality, but. quietly remarked that she would
accompany me to the opera. and desired the
prosceninnl box on the right hand side going
in; that both she and her daughter required
new opera cloaks, and they preferred that
the opera glasses should be pearl and gold.
My mother-in-law at that time was a very
popular lady, and, when the evening arrived,
| found that there was not room enough in
the box for her friends and myself, so { stood
outside This opera speculation was a little
expensive, but / didn't mind the expense as
much as | did the shock it gave to my theory
on Kindness. | tried my whole plan just in
the order in which | had arranged it, but it
did appear to me that every new step only
| made matters worse. .,.
'sFinm1y l gave it up, but didn't give it
up gradually. | had been, so very. attentive
that it made the slightest neglect look like a
mountain, andulpon this first negiectI 4was
routed, horse. foot and dragons. Upon
picking myself up out of the gutter where
had been landed, and looking, as though | had
had q regular set-to with a circular saw, or
or been passed through aM improved double
geared thresfiing machine, | betook myself,
AS best | could. to the next square to ascer-
tain if possible whether | coald fi2 a small
hospital era very ]arge-sizetS one [ had
hardly taken n seat upon the sidewalk when
| heard several fearfNl screeches which SEEM
ed to emanate from the house Just - %fornist"
me. 1 had scarcely tiylae to Nsok up , when
sofSs thing tumbled from the seconds story
window and fell beside me. Ut soon arose.
1t was a man, with a pillow in.one hand and
an old woman,' s. wig in the other. He heat
two. and then catching a glimpse OF me he
made a dive. do you see this one eye Of
mine" .kt 5.hfta. 800,
Eyes said T. kA sAf@ 31l -&A@
"Well.' he continued, sthe old lady had
loosened it up considerably and he got it,
He was holding a wal dance around me
with the wig IN one hand and The eye in the
othe-, when a spare policeman, who was
gong to see his girl happened to come
of taking my either eye under the iifpses-
sion that he WAS disinantling his mother-in-.
law. That man and | went and slept i'll the
station house that night for protection. |
don't know what the csslier man did, but |
decided all of ray prOpeEty to my mother-in-
law and struck out for Washington to get.
al office. My life is very much changed
now. find myself more s'bdned. | used
10 travel with Il circus and tame wild beasts.
| tanned a rhinoceros once, as aiso Il cehu,
pede. Lions and bears and elephants and
tigers and wild eats and snakes aud full
grown crocodiles We're easy to handle, and
T ALWAYS worked on thu principle OF kind
ness and. misunderstanding his. head, he
concluded, but it woA't work on q mother