Middletown transcript., 1877-01-06
MARK TWAIN ON YANKEE
WEATH Err.

W En-
spending on Friday evening at th'
New England dinner in New York t,
the toast of The Oldest Inhabitant-
the Weather" Mark Twain delivered
one of bis drollest after-dinner speeches
Of which the following is an abstract
Il reverently believe that the Maker
who made US all makes everything in
New England but the weather l don't
know who makes that, but [ think it
must be raw apprentices in the Weather
Clerks factory, who experiment and
learn how in New England for board
and clothes, aud then are promoted Ia
make weather for countries that require
a good article and will take their Gus
tom elsewhere if they don't get it -
T Laughter There is a sumptuous
variety about the New England weather
that compels the strangers admiration
and re ret Laughter
"Tbe weather is always doing some
thing there always attending strictly
to business always getting up new de-
signs and trying them on the people to
see hog they will 60 But it gets
through more business in spring than
in any other season In the spring
haze counted 1876 different kinds of
weather inside Of four and twenty hours
I Laughter It was | that made the
fame and fortune of that man that had
that marvellous collection of weather on
exhibition at tie Centennial that SO as
founded the foreigners He was going
to travel all over the world and get
specimens from all the cimes said.
Don't you dc it; you come to New
England ou fa,orabie spring day |
,o!d him vi Vt we could DC u The way
of style, variety and quantity Laugh
ter Well, he came, and ne made bis
collection 10 four Gays
old Probabilities has mighty rep
utation for accurate prophecy and tnor-
oughly well deserves it. Yor take up
the panara ard observe how crisply and
confidently La checks eli what to-day's
weather Is going to oe on the Pacific.
down South, in the Middle States, and
in he Wisconsin region. lie doesn't
Enog whet the weather is going to be
il New England lie mulls over il,
and by ard by he pets out aomething
abn:.t liks lhia: Probable no-'easr 10
sou'vast Winds varying to the southard
and westard ana BASTARD ard points
between; high and low barometer,
sweeping around from place 10 place;
probable areas Of -aia, SNOW. hail and
drought, succeeded or preceded by
EARTHQUAKES, with thunder and light
ning Laughter end applause Then
he lots down this postscript from his
wandering miud 10 cover accidents =
But II Is possible that the programme
may be wholly changed il the mean
time. Laughter
II could sneak volumes about the In
human ner7ersity of the New England
weather. bnt I will give but a single
specimen I like 10 near rain on a tin
roof, 50 | covered part of my roof with
tin, with an eye to that luxury Well,
sir, do Won think it ever rains on the
in? No sir; skips it eve,y time -
Laughter
IF we had not our 0evitching
autumn foliage we should still have to
credit the weather with one feature
&hieh comPensates for ali its bullying
vagarjes-thc ice sfarm-wben ? leaf
ess tree Is clothed with ice from tne
bottom to the toD-ice that is as bright
and clear as crystal; every bough and
wig is strung with ice beads. frozan
lev drops. and the whole tree sDarkles,
cold and white, like the Shah of Per-
las diamond plume ppiapse II
Hhen the wind waves the branches, and |
he sun comes out and turns al those
nyriada Of beads and drops to Drisms,
hat glow end hum and faeh with ali |
manner of coiored fires, which change
md change again, with ipcouceivable |
'apidity. from blue to red. from red to
green. and green 10 gold the tree be-
comes sparkling fountain, . very az-
olosion of dazzling jewels, end it stands
here the acme, the climaz. the scprc-
nest possibility in art or nature af be-
intoxicating, into!era bie mag
,ifcence One carnot make the words
co strong. Long ooR.iaceo aPpiausa
Month after aoo:h / iay up nats
nd gradee against tho New Eneisrt
7eatheF, bat whca tue ice-storm comes
I last say, 4hare, l forgive you
low the books are square hetveor Us;
'on don't owe ne cent; qo and Fin
10 more your little faults an5 foibiea
cunt for nothing you are the c9oat en-
hanting EoatheF il the woriG 7" Ap-
lause and laughter.