Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1877-05-02
LYON COUNTY TIMES
ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.

"A cOuullSbIDu Win -PN"StS y"
treat is thing desired by the
thirsty.
What's the use OF crying over
spilled milk9 1t only makes it more
watery.
A parliamentary fowl-The hen
that made motion to lay on the
table.
Mrs. Gimlet, of Deal, England,
lately hanged herself because she
found life bore.
Stocks are not as good as stockings
they haven't got any bottom to
them now.
Ohio has but one dog to twenty-six
people. What do they want with so
many people9
Fighting parsons may properly
be defined -as "mcn of sassy dotal
tendencies
Short men are not much in favor
with Newark bellies. They prefer
hymen.
He is the freeman whom the truth
makes free, and all are slaves beside.
-Cowper.
An Ohio man has pet gander
which follows him about like dog.
He must be a goose.
A Pittsburg man bought horse
by photograph. This is is getting
the carte before the horse.
The test of true love in Wisconsin
is in permitting a young man with
the measles TO kiss his sweetheart.
1t costs but one cent to manufac-
ture a hundred postage stamps which
sell for So. And yet the government
is in debt.
A Yorkshire woman Is so cleanly
that she uses two rolling pins -one
for the pastry and the other for her
husbands head.
The Port Chester Journal pretends
to believe that the blind can distin-
guish colors-especially blind mans
buff.
"Wllliam," said Emeline, "what do
you see in those wild, wild waves~
i"Sea foam," CURLY replied William.
Kats are affectionate; they luv
young chickens, sweet cream and the
best place in front of the fireplace.
Heller pulls small boy out of
mans bat, but the Philadelphia Led
ger has frequently seen girl turn
into candy shop.
New York has two able lawyers,
Yard and Furlong. How many Of
them would be required to make up
the Union Leagues
A funny friend of ours at an up
town hotel suggests that at many Of
our public tables the patrons are the
walters, and the waters are the Pat
runs.
A Virginia bridegroom over seven
feet high is announced. The affair
created considerable sensation, but it
is believed she only married him to
go chestnutting with.
A city subscriber asks us very
funny question. He wishes to know
at what age a tadpole turns into a
hop-pole. We have TO admit that we
don't know. N ~ %
1t is seldom that a rich man leaves
will that somebody does mt attempt
to break; but has anybody recently
heard of an attempt to break wom-
ans will2 Why this exemptness
No Irishman ever made a greater
bull than the English lawyer who
drew up an Indictment charging that
the prisoner killed man with a GER
tain wooden instrument called an
iron pestle.
A man made a bet that he could
ride fy-wheel in saw-mill, and as
his widow paid the bet she remarked.
"William was kind husband, but
he did not know much about fly
wheels kfe.t lE4
Gentlemen who can't tell a polon-
alse from an apron front will bear in
mind the prevailing distinction be-
tween hat and bonnet. One is
worn over the ear and the other on
the nape of the neck.
The lazy youth who was told 'to
get out Of bed and go to the ant, thou
sluggard," replied that he always
talked business with the head of the
family, and when he was hard up he
went to his uncle.
"Did you notice how splendidly l
went through that last reel at the
ball, last night, TOMB" "Yes, and l
also noticed that you kept it up all
the way home"
II am afraid it is mixed goods"
SAID the lady to the clerk, "Oh, no,
madam, impossible" replied the
polite gentleman, GAN our camel's
hair shawls are made of pure silk
direct FROM the worm"
He was solemn-looking traveller,
and he walked through the depot
singing, "Heaycn is my home," when
one of the boys called out, "Then you
are going the wrong way, stranger;
this is the train to Sacramento
VIZ. L. - loa;,, e. he ~>a~,o,aI