The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1877-02-15
Observation. Of Mon and Things.
HY OUR GEORGE.

drum that the people of the world have been
fooling with for more than 5000 years, and they
have about come to the conclusion to give it
up. and have the answer made public. 1t may
be that he was made to show how mean a
thing the Creator could make, when he tried,
one as sort Of fearful example. to hold up to
the gaze of the rest of mankind
The loafer occupies the same position in So
ciety. that the ''yarler dorg" does among his
kind. If the loafer We're salt water fish. he
would be a sculpin, and if a fresh water one.
horned pout. He would be Shanghai in the
poultry yard. and an old fashioned red potato
among the vegetables. He is worse than the
tramp. for he goes from place to place like bad
weather. and does not confine himself entirely
to one location. The loafer is born lazy. He
will not stand up. if he can find anything to
lean against, and will always -t if there is any
thing to sit on
Adam started out as first class loaler, but
after he got married, he turned over new leaf
and went to farming I've always respected
Adam for this, ever since.
The ioafers are not all to be found among the
human race. You will find him among horses.
Every stage driver and teamster who ever
drove a pair of horses knows him well. He
will make you think he is doing all the work,
but glance at the Whittle-tree will show that
the traces are loose, and that the other horse is
pulling the load. This loafer can always tell
when the driver forgets his whip, and on such
occasions he takes comfort. No amount of
moral suasion can induce him to hasten his
steps. He feels that he has as much time as
though he owned a clock factory. If such a
horse can get situation on the pole of night
stage, he would not swap his chance to be put
on the electoral commission.
Every flock of hens contains the loafer 1t
will hang round, standing on one foot, waiting
for the busy hens to scratch about and find
something to eat, and then the ioafer is always
on hand to take the most of it herself. If she
ever lays, she will drop her egg on the barn
floor or in the hen yard, and generally she is
too lazy to put a shell around it. She rooSts on
the lowest place handy, and rather than fly,
will sit OH the floor all night. When anything
gets too lazy to go to bed it has comprised the
whole subject. One would naturally suppose
that her forte would be sitting, but she will
generally stay on the nest lust long enough to
render the eggs a little off flavor, and then de-
eide that she will resign her chance, and go in
to some other business. This kind Of hen,
generally sheds her feathers quite early the first
spring. fIer owner assists her in the process,
and sells her frame to a hotel, to start chicken
soup with.
There are 4 great variety of human loalers
The one that receives the largest share of pub
lie attention, is the corner loater. You will al
ways find him the corner when the Their
mometer stands the highest in winter. and low
est in summer. He has particular age or
nationality, and is impervious to heat or cod,
and will shed water like tin roof or goose's
back. He always cheWs tobacco, and can hit a
chip across the walk every time. The dogs all
know him, and shut their eyes and take to the
road when they see him, for they know to an
ounce the weight of his boot, and also have the
full assurance that if they get anywhere within
ten feet of him. that they will have at least one
eye filled with tobacco Juice. This loafer al
ways smokes pipe, filled with tobacco that
would out rank Major General, and he always
blows out cloud OF smoke Just az yon go by,
at the very instant You are inhalilg long
breath. He is never troubled with weak lungs
and generally carries on his conversation with
q brother loafer on the opposite corner He
sWears blue cloud, which you can always see
hanging over his head. He goes in floclz, and
is the especial detestation Of the ladies a. his
remarks regarding them are not always com
plimeniary, or suitable for ears polite.
The grocery store Gater is the most expen-
sive Of the species. He generally selects some
one store for his headquarters, al which he nev-
or trades cents worth He makes his appear
ance Just after supper and is the last one to
leave, going ont just after the gas does He gets
the first reading of the evening paper, amt com
mentS on all the news it contains. He takes n
special interest in the stove, and constitutes
himself engineer. closing and opening the draft
to suit himself, and adding wood or coal AZ the
heat in his body begins to fall Of He nspecs
every new barrel OF sugar that is opened, and
samples it. He cuts a new piece Of tobacco 10
ill his pipe with, breaks oil one match from Il
fall bunch, and puts the rest in his pocket for
home use. He knows where the cracker barrels
set. and which contains the best brand. Ee
knows where the cheese knife is kept and how
to slice off half pound of cheese, to see if it is
as good AS the other one just rs he goes home
he takes a handful of raisins 4 stick OF CHINA
mon, Just to sWeeten his breath. These loafer9
are more expensive than Newfoundland dog.
He always carries knife, and during his lels-
ure moments whittlp~ the chair bottoms and
barrel covers, and splits tobacco Juice on the
stove, or fills the store with smoke.
The newspaper office loafer, or the "newspa
per tend' AS he is termed by the craft, is the
especial dread Of the editor. He drops into the
office regularly to talk over the affairs of the
nation, and give the editor a few points, He
always has new story to tell, which the editor
has heard weeks before. He uses the editorial
pen to spear flies with, and upsets the mucilage
bottle He scatters the exchanges all over the
floor, and the copy all around the table. He
sharpens his pencil with the scissors, and both
ers the editor with questions when he is most
engaged. He wants to contribute something
for the paper, but he never contributes 50 90
for a copy to read For more than fifty years
the inventors of this country have been trying
to invent machine that will kill Off the news
paper loater the minute he comes inside the Of
flee. One man thought he had succeeded in
mastering the subject The victim stepped on
trap Just as he entered the sanctllm, and was
into the river, and the editor sat chucklng over
the success of the contriyance, when in walked
the man all dripping with water and related Il
story of the wonderful escape he had lust bad
from drowning.
The bar room loafer is last on the list. tie is
generally quick witted, and always dry. He al
ways has a nice little story or Il sell ready for
each and every one who enters the room when |
an incautous question on the part of the victim
will render him liable for drinks for the crowd |
1t has Just occurred to me- that | am show
ing too much knowledge on this subject for the
good of my reputation, and if keep on it will |
be necessary for me to rise and explain how /
came to know SO much about bar rooms. NV |
pen ia continually leading me into some kind of
trouble, and have fears now that some of my |
friends will think that haze been personal in |