South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-10-12
wIr AND 1IUnoR.


carry the praties as he was much fresher /
than the poor haste.
E5'A Scotchman, bsing examined by |
his minister, was asked, "What kind of |
Il man was ADAM" "Oh, list like ither |
folk" The minister insisted on having |
q more special description Of the first |
man. and pressed for more explanation. /
"Weel,' said the Scotchman, The was |
just like Joe Simpson, the horse.couper." |
"dow so:' asked the minister" Weel I
naebody got ony thing by him. and mo
ny lost"
20 Brigham Young's death was under |
discussion at ap English dinnerparty
when young lady rather startled the
guests by advancing bold proposition
that the principles OF Mormonism should
for the future be reversed. "The times"
she said, "are so bad, and fashions so
expensive, that it is absurd for one man
TO have four or five wives: whereas, if
each woman had four or five husbands.
see how much cheaper it would be for
each husband and"-the point which
seemed most TO commend itself to her
chow much better wires could dressv'
gV'in 1872, the celebrated DR.. Thorn.
as Blackjack was presented to the
church-living OF Kirkcudbright. The
Doctor labored under the loss Of eve.
sight. When he was preaching one of
his trial discourses as presentee, an old
woman who sat on the pulpit stairs in.
qured Of n neighbor whether he was n
reader. "lIe Gamma be reader, for he's
blind" responded the neighbor Pm
glad TO hear t." rejoined the old wife
Il wish they were a blind !"
80 Children who have been the r cts
OF the house are almost invariably afIlic.
ted with jealousy at the advent of 4 new
baby. A lady asked little boy under
these circumstances how he liked his
little sister.
81 don't think she agrees with me-
he replied.
WHY don't she agree with your
Il don't KNOW he said but |
couldn't bear to see mother kiss her"
The writer of the above SAYS:
IL was showing my watch TO my
nephew, who was about six years old.
He pointed to the face Of the dial and
said, why, there is another little
watch ~
l said, That is called the second.
hand"
He tossed his head contemptuouslv,
and walked off, saying, 81 wouldn't own
secondhand watch" He had heard OF
secondhand watches, and thought this
was one Of them.
NOT THAT WAY.-Seated on the OK.
tremc end OF narrow bench in the Cen.
trail market, yesterday, was n boy who
seemed TO have made up his mind that
life was sham and happiness a myth
lie was solemnly ana intently GAZING
ut collection Of four cabbaoes. six
bects, peck Of onions and three en-
cumbers, when along came young man
and asked:
What ails your
Struck !" was the solemn answer.
"llave, eli? How'd you come out?"
~ was working for dad at f(tv certs
day." sadly explained the boy on the
bench. II was the only hand. and
thought If struck for dollar n day
he'd have to shut up shop and be busted
or come to my terms
And did it turn out that way?" que.
ried the other.
Not quite. The old man didn't seem
bit terrorstricken, but he bounced me
through n window and hhcd another
boy TO do my work at three shillines q
day -
"What'd you do?" asked the o,her.
well. s'pose I'll have to 20 round
telling the boys that capital has ground
me into the dust" was the fearful replv
--DcroH Free Press.
~ Two men were riding in the cars
on the Danbury railway the other morn.
ing when one asked tie other if he had
% pleasant place Of residence.
Yes was the reply; we have seven
nice large rooms over store"
"Overa store? I shouldn't think that
would be n quiet place"
oh, it is quiet enough. The folks
don't advertise"
"Ah! / see" said his friend. in n
tone Of relief-DoH5uy Nsigs.
IV1An old negro cook says "sass i.
powerful good in everything but chill
drcn. Doy need some oder KIND OF
dressin'"
"a What this country wants is few
moro niuctyniHc cent stores. a dollar
Us too much to pay for twenty-five cent
articles. 49, C0m3sa pos,
~ Here is someth'ng for our school
teachers, which We clip from an OK.
change:
q lady teacher in Omaha. having
mn iuordinate dread Of tho small.poX
sent home little girl because She said
Lcr mother was sick and bad marks ON
her face lie next day the girl M.
peorod 80 the school house with her
finger IN her mouth and her little bon.
net swinging Dy the strings, and said TO
The teacher:
Miss SalIio. we've got little baby
nt our house, but mother told me 90 tell
you that SO iEt eJrt1.y."
The teacher said she was glad Of 70,
and told Ior UurIl 20 frfro I,,r lr.t