River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-08-23
An Essay on the Mule.


An Essay on the Mule.
Geo. A. Quimby In the Boston Globe.
The mule is the only animal that Noah
didn't take into the ark with him. j
have looked over the freight list carefully,
and could not see mule way-billed for
any place. So clear-headed a man as
Noah did not dare to take one on board,
as he knew he would kick hole through
her in less than a week. | don't know a
man on whose head you could pour
quicksilver and run less risk OF its spill
ing off than on Noah's. He was a dread
full level headed man, and before the
freshet was over everybody ON earth re-
allied the fact The origin of the mule
is enveloped in a good deal of mystery.
Tradition informs us that when the flood
had subsidized and the ark had landed on
Mount Ararat, Noah was very much sur
prised in one of his first observations to
find good healthy mule standing on the
top of the adjoining mountain. The
same tradition informs us that the mule
is the only animal that lived through the
flood outside of the ark. The mule can
be considered in a good many ways,
though the worst place from which to
consider him is directly from behind,
anywhere within radius of ten feet
never consider a mule from that point,
unless | am looking out through the flue
of boiler.
The mule has one more leg than a
milking stool, and he can stand ON one and
wave the other three round in as many
different directions. He has only three
senses, hearing seeing and smelling. He
has no more sense OF taste than stone
Jug, and will eat anything that contains
nutriment, and he don't care two cents
whether it be one per cent. or ninety-nine.
All he asks is to pass him along his plate,
with whatever happens to be handy round
the pantry, and won't 90 away an. blow
how poor the steak is. He just eats
whatever is set before him, and asks no
questions. Mules are naturally deaf, but
that supreme wisdom that teaches the lit
tie boy to wipe his nose on his sleeve has
fitted the mule out with a pair of ears
that counteracts its deafness, so he can
hear as readily as a person
when you don't want him to. These
ears answer a double purposes tunnels
TO pour sound into his head, and also as
fans TO brush away the flies with and
keep his head cool. They are hung by
hinges to the side of the head, and flap
backward aud forward like pair of wet
trousers round a boys legs. In cold lati-
tudes quite tasty business Is done IN
mules ears. The ears are cut of and
dried, and sold for snow-shoes, and then
the stubs are trimmed up and the mules
are sent South and sold for horses. In
this way a great many fine horses were
purchased for the army by the United
States.
If were to have large picture of
innocence to hang up in my parlor, and |
did not wish TO sit for myself, / should
get a correct likeness of a mule. There
is innocence enough depicted in a mules
countenance to fit out a Sunday school
class. 1t looks as guileless as an angle
worm. A mule never grows old or dies.
I Once brought into existence he continues
| to live somewhere in the South Mules
are chiefly found in the South and West
/ They have been more abused than Judas
Iscariot. A boy who would not throw a
stone at mule if he got chance would
be considered by his parents as too mean
I 70 raise. The mule is good worker, but
/ he cannot be depended upon. He is
/ liable to strike, and when a mule strikes
/ human calculation fails to find out any
rule by which to reckon when he will go
to work again. 1t is useless to pound
| him, for he will stand more beating than
a sitting room carpet. He has been
4 known to stand eleven days in one spot
apparently thinking of something, and
then start off again as though nothing
, haH harnanaH
! | never owned a mule. came near
buyirg one once. He was fine-looking
/ animal; his ears stood up like the side
/ spires on an Episcopal church. His tail
was trimmed down so that it looked like
tar brush leaning up against him. He
was striped off like the American flag,
and Raphael's cherubs never looked more
/ angelic than did that mule. He looked
1 all innocence, though he was. in no sense.
/ The owner sat in the wagon, with his
chin resting on his hand and his elbow on
/ his knee. In the other hand he held a
stick with a brad in one end of IT. ' ex-
amined the mule and asked the man a
/ few questions, and out of mere form in
| quired if the mule was kind, or if he
/ kickedl "Kindl kickl" said the man,
and those were the last words he ever ut
: tered. He reached his stick over the
/ front of the wagon, and stuck the brad
/ into that mule. 1t was awful to see a
man shifted out as quickly as he was.
1t almost took my breath he went so
suddenly. l never saw the thread of life
snap SO abruptly as it did on that ocea-
| sion.
/ He didn't have time to leave a message
for his family That mule simply ducked
his head. and then pair of heels flew
out behind him; there was a crash, fly
/ ing of splinters, and this was all; and the
next moment that mule and | stood
alone, my face covered with establishment
two feet deep, and his covered with part
/ of an old bride. The mex; day ] read an
account in the telegraphic news of a
shower of flesh in Kentucky. | was the
only man that could explain that phen-
omenon, and | did not dare to, lest |
should be implicated in the affair with
| the other mule. | have seen death in
many forms, but | don't recollect of ever
| seeing funeral gotten up with less pomp
and display than on that occasion. If
| had my choice, to either work in nitro
| glvcerine factory, or take care of mule,
/ / should go for the factory, as in the case
| of an explosion, there would be moro pos
sibility of my friends finding some little
mementos of me, with which to assuage
their grief A very small piece of me
would Tighten very big sorrow.
/