The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-10-04

PASSING SMILES.

| up yOuI StIdW IldG, anu DrlnO
out your ulster.
How to take life easily-Be careless
with petroleum oil
HOOP called the slamming of door
by person in passion "a wooden
OATH.
WHEN desperate ills demand a speedy
cure, distrust is cowardice and prudence
folly.
ONCE again the happy time has come
when the law allows the restaurateur to
set before you pint of milk with little
oyster taking a bath in it, and he calls
| it stew.
A BOOK canvasser, the other day,
| talked half an hour to induce lady to
buy a book. She handed him slip of
paper on which was written, "Pm defe
and dumb"
THE San Francisco Alta says that the
pleasure travel to the Yosemite Valley
has shown little increase in the past five
years. 1t is one of the most expensive
short trips in the country.
CRUEL little boy in the public school
traps a mouse, and cages him up in fig
box with six healthy hornets. Teacher
comes round corner. Boy hides box
inside shirt. Lid of box comes off.
Grand pas seul, with music by the boy.
A MARRIED woman of Swan, Indiana,
ran away with the proprietor of a
menagerie, the other day, and the be-
reaved husband tauntingly remarks
that he doesn't know of any one else
in the world SO we'll qualified to manage
her.
WHEN a man finds an old we'll SO
fearfully and wonderfully distasteful
that pigs won't drink from it, he inn
mediately builds big hotel, lays out a
race-cOurse, and becomes the leading
millionaire of fashionable summer
resort.
AHUsBAND lately recovered ten thou
sand dollars damages from a railroad
company for killing his wife, on the
ground that the railroad was cheaply
and badly constructed. A great many
married men are trying to find out the
name of the railroad.
WE are told to place no faith in ap-
pearances, yet it will be found a wiser
course to judge from the human coun-
tenance rather than the human voice;
most men place guard over their words
and their actions, but very few can bind
the expression that is conveyed by the
features.
THE MIRROR.
Iwould my lady's mirror be,
So might hold her image fair,
And then perchance she'd smile on me,
Seeing her face reflected there.
Inever could her mirror be,
For when she smiled me, ah, then
My heart would hold the image sweet
And never give it back again.
-Wdher Luned, in S1ibaeT-
The French are cheerful race, and
find Joke in things where no other peo-
pie would think of looking for one. A
short time since steamboat explosion
blew up Frenchman's better-half into
the bushes, whereupon the bereaved hus-
band exclaimed, Farewell, my much
e-steamed wifew
IT has never been accounted for, and
probably never can be, why boy who
will eat four meals, play ball three hours,
gorge himself with unripe fruit and go
in swimming six times daily during all
vacation and be healthier than tomb
stone, will be seized with all sorts of
maladies the moment the school-bell
rings.
THEYa once had man in Yorkshire
who thought he could preach. He was
given the opportunity in certain school
house. His text was, 81 ar the light
of the world" He made dl eadful fist
of it, greatly to the Indignation of one
old lady, who in her impatience at last
shouted: eff thou's the light of the
world, thou needs snuffing."
WORCESTER Press: Now is the season
when the sportsman starts out at early
dawn with gun and dog and game
basket, and returns at eventide bringing
a brace of partridges which he procured
from boy who tends a snare, and leav-
ing his dog at distant farm house with
his fore legs in sling.
TEACHER Ito small boy in grammar
class lifetime hear you compare rider
Small boy" Ride, rode, ridden"
Teacher Ito other small boy)-" Glide,
to move gently" Other small boy
"Glide, glode, glidden." And the teacher
glode right up to him and reached for his
ear; but the youth had glidden from his
place and left the door open as he went
out.
IT is said that unmilitary men imagine
that soldiers are always fighting. One
of the Duke of Marlborough's generals
dining with the Lord Mayor, an alder
man who sat next to him said, "Sfr,
yours must be very laborious profes-
SION" "No," replied the general, ''we
fight about four hours in the morning,
and two or three after dinner, and then
we have all the rest of the day to our
selves"