Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1877-03-16
WHOLE NO. 6O6.
GleaninGs.
The children's kingdom--Lapland.

| church.
When arc gloves unstable? When
they are kept on hand.
What is every one doing at the same
| time? Growing older.
Why is the old world like piano:
Because it is full of sharps and fats.
A trying moment-When your new
coat comes home from the tailor's.
What piece of carpentry becomes q
gem as soon as it is finished? Agate.
There is no harm in q glass Of whiskey
if you allow it to remain in the glass.
Brimstone-Any stone found on the
edge of an artificial pond is birthstone.
"Pitchy darkness" has been so I'M
proved as TO read "Bituninous obscuri.
ty"
Why is sculptor likely to die hor-
rible deaths Because he makes faces and
busts.
"Raising the wind" is now denominat
ed more classically, Exciting tho finan-
cial 4Eolus."
The gentleman who recently took the
| fresh air in the Central Park is requested
TO restore it.
1t may sound like "A paradox, yet the
breaking of both wings of an nrmy Is
sure way to make it fly.
A thief, who lately broke open gro
GERS warehouse, excused himself on the
plea that he only went to take tea.
A woman lately made pound of but
ter from the cream of joke and cheese
from the milk of human kindness.
A romantic young man says that a
young womans heart is like the moon
it changes continually, but slways has
man in it.
A true picture Of despair-A pig reach.
ing through hole in a fence to get =
cabbage that lies few inches beyond his
reach.
Who are the most wicked people in the
world and why? Pen p-makers-because
they make people steel pens and tell them
they do write.
A meanlooking, club footed woman
accompanying the Chinese Embassy now
in Europe, is named "Tottering Lilly of
Fascination" She ought to totter under
such name.
People may say what they will abou.
air being SO good for en-" said Mrs.
Partington, land how they fat upon it.;
for my part, shall always think it's ow
in to the vlttles
1t is said that an advocate for compute
ory abstinence from splrituous liquors
may found an argument upon the fact
that the first three letters Of ignorance
are convertible into gin.
A minister having walked through
village churchyard, and observed the in.
discriminate praises bestowed upon the
dead, wrote on the gate-post the follow.
ing line:
Here lie the dead, and here the living lie ~
A prudent man advised his drunken
servant to put up his money for g rainy
day. In g few weeks his master inquired
how much he had saved.
Faith, none at all, said he; i; rained
yesterday, and it all went"
Cato, wha. do you suppose is the
reason that the sun goes south in win
ters"
well. don't know. massa unless he
no stand de clemency of de norf, and so
am obliged to go to de souf, where he
'sperlence warmer longimitude"
Zeno. the philosopher. believed in an
Inevitable destiny. His servant availed
himself of this doctrine while being beat.
en- for l, theft, by exclaiming:
"Wns not destined to robs"
Yes" replied Zeno, land to be cor
rected also
A Cincinnati Judge, who hAd become
perfectly reckless in the discharge Of his
police court duties, concluded marriage
ceremony, recently, with the encouraging
remark to the happy couple:
You will stand committed until dne
and costs are paid"
"Ah," sighed an old fellow, as he gaz.
ed upon modern belle. 1.-The whirligig
of time makes many changes. When
was young, she used to say, Now don't
Henry, you'll tumble my hair" but now
she can remove her hair and hang it over
the back OF chair" and he sighed again.
A party of heated gentlemen, about
certain hour. tsyan TO think of home
and their wives displeasurc, and urge q
departure.
Never mind, said 1ne of the guests,
fifteen minutes will make no difference.
My wife is rs mad now as she can be-"
A young farmer. who was "no orator
as Brutus is" having set his affections
upon a young lady, recently proposed
marriage with out many preiminarics.
The lady, equally frank, reioined:
Deed. jamie, I'll tax ye, but ye maun
gle me my dues O courtin' for a that"
Elder, will you have drink of cider."
inquired farmer Of An old temperance
man who was spending an evening at his
house.
"Ah-hum-no, thank ye" said the
old man. IL never drink liquor Of any
kind-'specially cider-but if you'll call
1t apple juice, III take drop"
young gentleman, hsme for the holi-
days, was talking with An old laborer at
werk on his fathers grounds, when the
old man said:
Aye, aye, sir It's q fine thing, is larn-
in. There was no such when was
boy. l WAS big fellow, helpin' the fam:
lily, when all at ehce school broke out"
An Irishman got out Of the cars at 8
railway station for rsfre shments, but un.
fortunately the bell rang and the train
left before he had finished his repast:
"Hould on" cried Pat. IS he ran like
madman after the cars "Hould op,
ye murtherin ould stame-engiue! we've
got passenger aboard that's left behind"
A clergyman, who was invited 10 preach
before medical association, returned
answer that he would do SO from the
text
I'm his disease. Asa sought not the
Lord, but to the physicians; and Asa
slept with his fathers and died.
The time for the delivery Of the ser
mon has not yet been fixed.
The following stage direction is taken
from act ii, scene / Of the acting edition
of The Stranger" Mrs. Haller casts
her eyes upon the ground. and contends
against the confusion Of an exalted soul
when surprised into good action. Baron
stands opposite 10 her, and from time to
time casts u glance at her in which his
heart is swimming"
A wealthy merchant, who had become
bankrupt, Was met. some time after his
misfortune, by friend who asked him