The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-11-08

1fOm tnc lokes ana rom Son0uSky,
Come the cries Of fallen chieftains,
And it II not Ephriam Holland,
Nor the bouncing, bounding Banning.
That hat wrought this fearful mischief.
sFt 4r Courier Journal
HOW A mARRYGNG JUSTICE
Z .UNITED A COUPLE AT PORT
Justice Leonard is a great wag in
his way, and the Canada pairs who
come over here to commit matrimony
a-e sure to call at his Office for q fret
class job. The Judge is also quite q
politician, and like thousands of other
good men, don't believe Hayes is the
legal President. The other day he had
. heated discussion with q Hayesite,
and while indulging in some striking
arguments with his opponent Cana
dian couple presented themselves for
marriage.
IL the Justice in /" meekly asked
the long, lean, lank bridegroom.
4 am the Justice and the law sir.
What have you been doing nOw,young
man7 Speak ont, sir, speak out. What
suit are you after2 What can 1 do for
you 2 hurriedly asked the Justice, and
then, turning to his opponent. shook
his fist and said: you know it's a
fraud, . disgrace,a a wrong that the next
Congress ought to wipe out and every
one Of 'em be hanged to lamp posts
Turning again to the couple. sWelI, sir,
what is it; any one robbed you, tres
passed, assaulted, refused to pay, want
. divorce, or anything in my line"
The bride blushed and hung her
head. Don't be scared, young lady !;
nobody ought to be afraid in this
country outside of Hayes, Wells and
those. other scoundrels. Speak out,
young man, what's wanted; time ls
precious.' said the justice.
At last the young man s!ammered
ont, III you are the feller as marries
folks l want that job DONE
Married r said the judge, the devil
you do. It's the first application I've
had in q week. Who arc you, what
are you, where do you hail from, W hats
your politics-are you Greenbackcr,
a Democrat or a rascally Republican
speak ont, sir; speak out2
Il ain't neither, said the bridegroom,
I'm Grit
"A Grit! Well, 1 should say you
were said the judge. You must be
!nll of grit to marry. What do you
expect to do these hard times with a
large family coming on, hard winter
before you, labor scarce and money
scarce2 How much money have you
got to invest in this business p
Only one dollar, SIR and the young
man pulled out two halves.
Lord bless me, they look as big as
cart-wheels. Square round. Here,
you fellow, get on the other side, ele-
vate your heads, hold up your right
hands, look me straight in the eye and
be sworn
DO you solemnly swear in the pres
ence Of this rascally Republican and
The FREE Press reporter that you will
live together as long as you do live,
die together when tho time comes, ,loye,
protect, cherish aud respect that you,
young lady, will try and support that
young man, mend his shirts, darn his
stockings, look upon your husband as
the best-looking man in the country.
let him monopolize all the grit about
the house when he's at home, and run
the house when he's away; and you,
young man, will never get to fooling
around with any body else's wife, or
play sweet with any one else that you
deuounce fraud and corruption, de-
spise the electoral commission, and
particularly Joe Bradley that you will
never vote the Republican ticket, or
cay Hayes was honestly elected that
you will not accept Office under
the Hayes administration, run for a
justice Of the peace, or compromise
your rights as an American citizen if
you should ever become one. All of
which you solemnly swear
Kiss the book, sir. I'll kiss the
bride. Launch out the halves. Good
ness, they are larger than cart-wheels.
Good day, sir. A long life-happiness
twins. Call again. Send your cous-
ins, or any one else. Farewell
The couple backed out of the door
after upsetting the spittoon, knocking
the compiled laws from the table and
oyerthrowiDg two or three chairs.
. SsADother man made miserable, cried
the Judge, and commenced writing on
Q WriI of repIevin.