The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-08-09
FANCLES FOR THE FAIR.

WOMAN was never made to whistle,
and when she tries, it makes her whole
c~ountenance look as if it had declared
war.
A PHOTOGRAPHER who can make a
mole on a lady's chin appear like a dim
pie in her picture has achieved the high
est standard of his profession.
"MIss c." said a gentleman, one
evening, "why are ladies so fond of
oficersF' elbow stupidl" replied Miss
c.; sis it not natural and proper
that a lady should like an offer, sirT"
"THIs summer, ladies are going to
dress their hair as they did three hun
dred years ago" says an exchange news
paper. This makes some of the ladies
pretty old.
IT was a Vassar girl who, when a
sailor of forty years voyagings had been
pointed out to her as an "old SALT" sub
sequently alluded to him as an " ancient
chloride of sodium"
"MADAME," said a certain nameless
one to Mrs. Brown, the other day, "you
are talking simple rubbish" Yes, SIR
replied the ever-crushing lady, "be-
cause 1 wish you to comprehend me-"
HE is a man after my own heart, pa
said Julia, reverting to Charles Augustus.
" Nonsense" replied old practical. "He
is a man after the money your uncle
left you" And then all was quiet.
THERE is an urgent demand for
women in the Black Hills. A newspaper
out there says that one thousand women
could find good husbands inside a few
hours. We hope. there won't be a panic,
though, among the girls.
AN old lady crossed over a bridge
marked Dangerous" without seeing
the sign. On being informed of the fact
on the other side, she instantly turnedin
great alarm and recrossed it.
SHE GOT IT.
He wiped his heated brow, he did,
His brow so intellectual;
But all he said about the heat
Was sadly Intellectual.
But she, sweetlass, did say to him,
In mellow tones unwavering;
"Dear George, l am so warm; I'd like
Ice cream, with lemon favoring.'
THERE is a most interesting widow in
that appropriately-named town, Hazard
vile, Conn. This lady has lost five hus-
bands by powder-min explosions. Is she
alarmed? Is she discouraged? Not
at all. She is about to be Joined to
the sixth, and he is a powder miller,
alsol
ELMRA Advertiser: "Suppose we
pass a law" said a severe father to his
daughters, "that no girl eighteen years
old who can't cook a good meal shall get
married until she learns how to do it?"
" Why, then, we'd all get married at
seventeen" responded the girls in sweet
chorus.
A CORRESPONDENT of Vanity Fair
writes: Lady - intends to give a
series of neutrality-suspicious. garden
parties in the country the week after
next. Isend you a copy of her letter to
herfactotum: "Tellthe gardener to begin
growing strawberries Immediately, and
mind and don't have the COWS MIXED
until we com down."
elf you are stung by a wasp while
picnicking," says a floating item, cap
ply the end of a cigar which has been
chewed for a few moments to the
wound" Young ladies should remem.
Der this, and always chew the end of a
cigar a few moments and place the
weed" in their pockets before starting
on a picnic. The chewing process will
make them so sick that they will moi
want to go to the picnic, and thus they
will escape being stung by a wasp.
The philanthropic Burlington Hawb
Eye says: Careless, thoughtless man
you could do ever so much good in this
sorrow-stricken old world if you would
You a bring a flush of pleasure to the
homeliest woman that ever wore pimple:
on her nose by saying to your friend il
a stage undertone, What lovely eye,
that girl hasl" She might know yor
to be a liar, but she would always CRATE
fully remember you as a Christian gen
tleman.
PRINCIPAL DICE, of the schools O.
Cincinnati, says: When a young woman
commences to teach a school she lose
nine chances in ten for marriage. L
she teaches five years her chances fol
marriage and the dear delights of mother
hood are but one in one hundred, and i
she teaches ten years her chances TO,
marriage and good social position ar,
but one in ten thousand. After this tn,
Cincinnati girls will take in washing
before they will teach school.
PENDLEToN (Ky.) Democrat: Re
Gently a couple applied to a magistrat'
in the western end of our county to JON
them in the bonds of wedlock. The mai
was hatless, coatless. and shoeless, ant
the woman was nearly in the same con
dition. They had no license from tn,
County Clerk, and no money to pay TO
one, but desired the Justice of the Peac,
to issue the license and perform tn,
ceremony needed, and rendered in pay
ment therefor "to gather him a hal
bushel of walnuts this fall"