Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-08-20
The melancholy days have come,
The green apple doth appear;
And boys retire all doubled up
With etounoeh ache uayara


A couple up town, who have seven
children, have called the last one The.
ophilus. which is the the-ophil-ust name
in the family.-Nortoich Bulletin.
A report reaches us from Paris that
the ladies are wearing cat-tails in their
bonnets. 1t seems like waste of cat to
cut off the tail and throw the body away.
Much has been written about the
meanest man, and at last the meanest
woman has arisen. She only allows her
daughter 160 buttons on her summer
dress.
A Western female has invented what
an enthusiastic exchange calls 'the mob
biest bathing suit Of the season." 1t
consists of a nightcap and a pair of
rubber slippers.
"What l object to- said a Texas
horse-thief, as he was about to be drawn
up, 'is your hanging me here in the sun
when there's plenty of shade close by /;
however, 60 ahead"
A West Virginia debating society has
three-cornered question up for discus
sion. 1t is "Whiskey. tobacco or the
Democratic party-which works the
greatest evil to society?"
An old rail-splitter in Indiana put
the quietus upon young man who chaffed
him upon his bald head in these words:
"Young man, when my head gets as soft
as yours, l can raise hair to SELL"
Ex-Gov. Letcher of Virginia, when
returning from Baptist fair, was asked
by friend what he had been doing.
"I have been eating oysters for the Lord
at dollar dozen" was his reply.
A crowd laughs to see big man strip
off his coat with the intention of whip
ping a small man, and yet in a scrim-
mage between few little hornets and a
big man, it is safe to bet on the hornets.
Learned professors know about 3O,-
600 words; children of two from 200
to 600; ordinary people 10000; book
agents 9,999,999. When they learn
the word "quit" their education will be
complete.
We read of Burdette, of the Hawkeye,
and Bailey. of Danbury, having books
in the press. We have (says the White
hall Times) a book in press also. 1t is
called the pocket book, and is pressed
for funds.
"Since you have taken to drinking.
John, said a temperance man to a
back-sliding brother, "you are not more
than half man." "Fact is," replied
the other, "you mean to say am a
demi-John."
A woman marked on her fence, "this
house for SAIL" and fellow running in
to ask her when it was going to sail, she
replied, "When chap comes along who
can raise the wind" He asked no more
questions there.
The substitution of ''c' for an en-
by the intelligent compositor makes the
editor of the South Arlington Times
say: 1--WE are not much at farming, but
we have had tomatoes from vices nur-
tured and cared for by ourselves"
The only place yet heard from where
stovepipes are taken down and put up
without profanity, is the deaf and dumb
asylum. But the victims keep up ter
rible thinking, though, and writing ma
terials are carefully hidden for the time
A young mother in this city, explain
ing christening to her FIVE year-old-boy,
told him that when he was christened
he would be one of Gods little lambs. .
"And will [ have hind legs and baa 2
eagerly asked the boy Wilmington
EDery EUeninq.
A party of Boston ladies meanderlng
about Williamstown, Mass, the other
day, we're according to the N. Y. Eve
ming MaiD Overtaken by a COW. "Girls, ="
said Miss Culture, of Beacon street,
girls, the antipathy we have for this
animal makes it imperative that we en-
ulate certain politicians, so | recommend
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