Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1877-05-01
NUMBER Is.

A very greedy boy-One who recent
ly took the measles from his L;tls
sister.
Crusty says that the list Of marriages
in the newspapers ought to b. put
under the head of Ring Frauds."
81 would not, for any money" says
Jean Paul Richter "haye any money in
my youth" That's the way wo feel.
We would much rather have it now.
Splkins says that when the crisiS
comes in Herzegovina, he hopes tbs
Karageorgoyitches, the Bc5eoyitches, and
all the other itches will be ready 10 come
up to the scratch.
Under the new law in Sweden no per-
son who has had enough liquor can get
any more. "Enough" in Sweden means
when man begins to brag that lis soun-
try can lick any nation on earth.
"Ahl doctor, I'm ont again-let no
thank you, my dear fellow" Doctor
"But nonsense, never came 10 see yOI
while you were ill.," well, that's Why
I'm thanking you"
"What is your business, sir2' asked the
Court, lin a sharp voice. ~ concholsgst."
whats that said the Judge Il
opens clans was the explanation hs
gave.
Brother, why don't You ask the stran-
ger 10 prayY Because" reproyingly OBJ
served the deacon. this amt no place for
practical jokes. That mans tho presi-
dent Of a gas company"
At the show the other evening q gem
tleman sarcastically asked man stand
ing up in front Vt him If he was aware
that he was opaque. The other denied
the allegations; he said he vas not opa-
que-his name was O'Brien.
Il make it a point, madam, 10 stsdy my
own mind" said agent!rman 10 u lady whs
had exhibited some surprise at IA opin-
ion he had expressed Indeed" she To-
piled, 81 didn't suppose you understood
the use of the microscope"
An Illinois farmer has applied to NJ.
authorities for permission 10 rc-cLristsa
his eldest child, whose name u 4. H.
Stewart Murphy, by calling him Fsadcr-
bilt Murphy. Stewart forgot Aim n Ls
will.
Al little gathering the other sveR-
Ing young man asked u lady whether,
if his small brother was lad. lac wss nOJ
ladder, and she kindly said she tL-a.shI
he must be, she could See through him
50 easily. 1t IS pleasant 10 be = young
man.
A colored preacher down South took
for his text the words: Though after
my skin worms destroy this body, yet IN
my flesh shall See God. which lie divided
into three parts, as follows: "iiiss, skin-
worms: second, what they done; third.
what the man Seen after lie Was eaten
up
Telegraphers arr guilty Of sad bluns
dcrs sometimes. The Prince Of Vale
lately tclrgraphed from India for Five
Miners - Miner being q great safe
manufacturer three with drawers two
without" The message reached London:
"Fiye milliners here with drawers. two
without"
Trained petticoats are said to b come
ing into fashion this season. We Rsyer
saw one, but presume they will bc trained
10 pick up apple cores and cigar stump
of the sidewalk, and 10 hang over the
back Of chair at night. 1t does NOT
seem as if you could train petticsst to
climb tree. still one may be made 70
put on a good many frlll5.
Fond mother TO old gentleman TO
whom her son is apprenticrdJ 81 AIa sor-
~ TO say sir, that Harry won't bs able
10 come 10 work for some little tiIlo.
The doctor says that he has got brain
fever" Old gentleman Then tho doc
tor is a fool, madam, for ths boy
hasn't got any more brains than tEAH
donkey, ma am"
Young Gmgerson got little mixed
after supper at the Centennial party the
other evening. and was heard t. remark
10 brother swell lis Ciliydrlphls
Penitential 5 big thing, but they ".ght
to Bell old ShOotknsp fore it comes of;
s,Andrew Jackson said T any man a-l,s'
down the American hauls, spot huH On
the shoot"
From Puaeh.- Scene on an English
railway train No !. Rather ren:rka-
bic, amt it sir2 But ave you heseF no.
ticed as mostly all the places IN this
line begins with a NJ" No .. "Aw-
beg your pardon" No. l. Look at
'em. AM pstead, 'lghgate, 'Ackney.
'Omerton, 'Eudon, Arrow, 'Olloway and
'Ornsey."
The growing superhuity If Brigadiers
in the army recalls what OCOnnell said
to British officer when he was being
sross-examined. "Well, soldier" said the
Irish barrister. 81 am no soldier; -
AN officer" was the indignant interruption
AZ the irate Briton. well" said OCon-
nell: well. officer. who is no SOL
| der
An exchange remarks that zone draw
back to having money is that everybody
wants to know what you are going 10 do
with it," We have observed this ourself;
! they usually want to know about the first
of the month, and have an unpleasant
way Of coming round and sitting On your
front steps mornings if you don't tell
them.
When Chief Justice Holt. Of Eng and,
who had been somewhat Of a graeeless
scampin his youth, recognized an old ac'
ouaintance in prisoner brought before
him. he cautiously ly questioned him - 70
what had become of his old comrades
He supposed that he was not recognized
by the prisoner, but the reply convinced
him to the contrary, "They are all hanged
my lord, except you and /"
Two neighbos had long and en-
venomed litigation about a small spring,
which they both claimed The Judge.
wearied out with the case, at lsst sad:
What is the use of making So nsieL fuss
about little water "Your Honor will
See the use Of it," replied one Of the
LAWYERS, when inform you that the
parties are both milkmeD."
A very narrow aperture-The crack
Of a whip.