The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-05-04
PITH AND POINT.

SECRETARY OF THE NAVY THOMPSON,
among his "reforms," intends that
United States vessels shall not lie too
much.
THE Richmond Enquirer ts ks abOu
can immense quadroon ball" Probably
ball given by quadroon weighing four
hundred pounds.
DoN'T go to the Black Hills to get
rich. 1t is far easier to organize life in
surance company and pay yourself
salary of $4,000 per year.
A MAN being asked, as he lay summing
himself ON the grass, what was the height
of his ambition, replied, "To marry
rich widow with bad cough"
EIGHT HUNDRED lightning rods have
been ordered for the Vatican, and the
agent who took the order says, 81 will
do Vatican to give satisfaction.
THE Turks have superstition that the
husband who beats his wife on Friday
will have good luck. It's very handy to
help maintain good domestic govern
ment.
DIR. MARY WALKER was seen looking
at revolver in Washington gun store
the other day. She seemed to be hest
tating whether to buy that or invest in
pitchfork.
THEY are preparing for high water in
New England. Pig-pens are being
braced up, the women are drawing their
feet in, and the hand-organ men are
coming West.
FoUR-YEAR old to his mother holding
the baby: "Say, mamma, say That
squawling little baby seems to sink 'ee's
re only chile you got I'd give him
back agin !"
THERE is New Jersey butcher who
tries to give away yellow pups to his
customers. He gave away twenty-seven
before his customers found that he was
selling more meat than formerly.
A PARIS doctor who tried to cure an
actress of her obesity sent her to the
grave, but he explained to the public
that he had to sacrifice one person In
order to get the hang of his treatment
The omnibus driver believeth in spe-
Gle payment. Every trip he droppeth
few dozen of the passengers coins into
the straw, and at night he raketh them
out and crieth, "Behold bon anza !"
A POWERFUL breath" Does he
drink % asked one of the NeWs compos-
itors of another the other morning, re-
ferring to fellow-craftsman. "Drink
he's got breath that would pi a FORM"
BUCKwHEAT cakes have been discon-
tinued at Vassar for the season, and the
slim, spirituelle student already passes
through a recitation with less uneasiness
and manifest disposition to have some
other girl scratch her back.
NAPOLEON the First was perfectly sat-
lsfied if he had raw onions and crusts to
eat, but a Second Lieutenant in the
United States army in these days wants
four kinds of soup and perpetual peace.
"WHAT is the best remedy" asked
preacher of a shrewd observer, "for an
inattentive audience ?" "Give them
something to attend to" was the signif-
cant reply. Hungry sheep will look
up to the rack if there is hay in it"
THERE never was time when the in
surance business was so safe as it is now.
All that man wants to do after he gets
insured is to die right quick, before the
company does. But he doesn't want to be
foohng around, living and having good
time.
The excess of receipts over expendi-
lures for the nine months ended March
81, 1876, was 500, 1873, 100, while the
excess of receipts over expenditures for
the last nine months is $87, 7,053, ,040,
showing the actual falling off in revenue
for this year thus far over the same pc
riOd last wear to be SO. 326. 6S2.