The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-03-10
VARIETY.

" VARIETY. E
Form OF invitation to the Paragraphers Asso-
citation: ' Do you solemnly promise to print
the name Of your brother members often as
possible2" z
Into every married man mind there sooner or
later enters the conviction that he cannot dress
his wife in plain clothes and keep the current OF
her affection for him flowing at Spring -freshet
gait.
81 You didn't laugh at my stupidity before we
were married you always said was a duck OF a
lover grumbIed complaining husband. "Yes,
that's sO,'' replied the wife, " and a duck of q
lover is almost sure to make q goose of hus-
band.''
An Atlanta man walked around oil day recent
ly with a grasshopper in his When his
wife discovered it, he said he had been hearing
peculiar noises all day, but thought new steam
sawmill had begun operation somewhere in the
neighbourhoOd. -sr.fE .Fr
This note from Chicago girl to her lover
was made public though lawsuit:-"Dear
Same: Pap's watcr-millions is ripe. Come and
bring some more poetry like you brought afore.
My love for you will ever flow like running down
tatur row., 1fsE slC.tF -.-
els there any opening here for an intellectual
writer - said a very red-faced youth, with the
cork of Bottle sticking out of his breast
pocket The editor, with much dignity, took
the mans intellect in, and said-'' An opening?
Yes. sir a kind and considerate carpenter, fore
seeing your visit, left an opening for you. Turn
the knob to the right.
She said she didn't used to believe in second
marriages, but two or three years OF windowhood
had convinced her that she could trot over life's
race-eourse best in double harness. An express
sion of surprise and indcredulity stole over the
face of her companion, and so she added, by way
of explanation, 90 Well, you see, was always
the bead hoss in the team"
ASt. Paul mother recently took her fifteen
year-old daughter to party as a special favour
NOT that she intended that the child should
come OUT for some time yet. That parent
was rather astonshed to find that the 'f little
girI'' knew nearly every society man about town,
could talk like magpe.
For the English royal mince pie the ingredients
are mixed for a month before wanted, and are
az follows :-24O pounds of raisins, 400 pounds
of eurrants, 200 pounds of lump sugar, pounds
of cinnamon, 3 pounds OF nutmeg, pounds OF
cloves, pounds of ground allspice, pounds of
ginger, 300 pounds of beef, $50 pounds of suet,
"a bushels of apples, 240 lemons, 20 pounds of
cedra, y bottles of brandy, pounds of mace, 60
pounds of lemon peel, and 60 pounds of orange
peel. Il
PERrLs OF PASTALooNs.-One night last week
q Mrs. Dr. Dora Emens, Nj. d., physician and
surgeon, lectured In Syracuse ''to women only
alarm was given, {" Man in the room !" and
Hfrs. Dr. Mary Walker, NJ. D., was clutched by
the indignant females and bounced out of the
rooms, and down stairs, with her hat Jammed
down over her eyes, and her claw-hammer coat
ripped from collar to hustle. The Doctor picked
herself up and called hack, and as she climbed
in she was heard to remark, I" Another victim to
circumstantial evidence. Burlington HatVk-
Eye.
A coloured man living in Fort street, Detroit,
has sign on his house reading, " Meals Tor
eight cents" The sign attracted the attention
of a hungry man OF colour the other day, and ne
stepped in and said he would have dinner. A
slice of bread and a bowl of water was placed on
the table, and he was told to draw up. sc What |
sort of meal is dat ?'' he demanded, drawing |
away instead of drawing up. I" OATS an eight |
cent meal, my friend.'' 81 isn't prepared to |
eauar' of in front of no sich dinner" growled |
the stranger getting out of doors. 50 1t isn't no
festival dat's true," replied the proprietor, but
when de price am limited down to eight cents |
you must spec de food to be limited down to |
about two courses. Oars bread, and dar's |
water an If yer want to make it ten cents. I'll |
put on de pepper-box and a knife and fork !"
S.v.ErHy's EIopEMENr.-" Yes said the old /
ladv as she wiped her eyes and proceeded TO tell |
the sympathsing neighbor about the elopement |
of her daughter: " yes, Mrs. Blobbs, you may |
well say it ar dreadful stroke. / aint had |
sueh another shock sence that last spell o |
rheumatic. To think that darter o. mine |
would do such disgraceful thing after all the |
care and affection me an her father have ravlshed
on her from her infancy up. couldn't bear up |
under the af1ietion nohow but for the conseria-
tion of religion. Religion is powerful enervat-
ing in such trials as these"
.s Did you not suspicion that they were con-
tempIatine such a moveY' asked the neighbor.
"No: we never suspicioned nary contempla- |
tim After I'd ruined the coneeited upstart off |
the premises with the mop, didn't think he'd |
have the insurance to speak to Samanthy agin. |
An she seemed to appear so consigned that L |
never respected her of having any underhanded |
contentious. But all the same--so I've heerd |
sence-thsy used to meet clandestinely, when |
thought Samanthy was at meeting. an decoct |
their plans to run off an elope. Well, Samanthy |
has made her bed, an she II have to lay on it.
wash my hands of the opgrateful girl from this |
time forthwith.
ssDid you make any effort to intercept them?''
ssNo YOU see, we didn't know it, or else we'd |
a intercepted IN within an inch o their lives"
81 mean, did you try to have them stopped |
when you found they were goneP'
ayes, indeed. Father telescoped to i've or six |
towns, and give the prescription-eost him lots
of money, too; but he said he would't mind |
spending the price of cow to git Samanthy |
back But we never heerd nothing from them,
and 1 told father to let'em alone, and they'd |
come home after while with five or six children |
behind them. But tell you, Mrs. Blobbs, they |
shan't set q foot in this house except over the |
dead body of my defunct corpse. You just re-
member that sa |