The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-09-01

The telephone may be well enough as
musical dissemination. but what the country
needs is the invention OF some sort or mu'
steal conductor which may he applied TO
band-organs and tin-pan pianos In such
manner as to conduct the emusic" noise
lcssly off and dump it in some out-of-tbc-
way place where 1t will not become often
sive.-C Chicago Times. '.
II YOU reach crosswalk and patiently
wait for a,driver to get his horse over be-
fore YOU, he will pull in the horse, settle
down on his elbows, and 60 as slowly as
possible. II, however, you try to run
across he will whip bis horse at the moment
when YOU are in front OF him.-NeUaTE
Gail. $50. .s...
According to a Chicago minister, "God
never intended that any man should have a
million dollars" We wish to call the pub
lies attention to our scrupulous observance
of this. This and few other reasons Of
which we will not speak is why we are not
worth q million Of dollars.-CdtsEiN Re
corder.
Some one stole Philadelphia polceman's
watch and chain the other day while he was
arresting a man. Tt is now proposed to
have two sets OF policemen, one to make ar
rests and the other to protect them while
doing it. .-.-.:
The human brain is one twenty-eighth of
the body, and after you have talked half an
hour with the man who says Chewsday, you
inches high and only weighs three pounds.
gross.-London Lancet. ..a ..>,. -
An old farmer, on being asked why pea
cock that was strutting through the yard
was like figure 8, couldn't see the reSem-
blance; but light broke in on him when he
was told that it was because it was nothing
without its tail. ~a .-s
Barnum is going to send a living white
whale from England for exhibition, ship
ping him in large tank In the steamer
Southampton. Twenty barrels OF eels will
be taken along for the monster to lunch on.
a man took his clock to Port Chester
clock-repairer and asked him, "What time
is it when this time-piece strikes thirteen
times?" "Time it's repaired" replied the
man of time.-Port Chester journal.
Rogers the sculptor is going to have his
model for the "Genius Of Connecticut"
cast in bronze. We should think the Ge-
MUS of Connecticut would look more APP
propriate in wood.-Burlington Ha,okeye.
The Russian Government gave 2,140,500
roubles about s1,606,500) for the years
1867 for the support Of seven UNIVERSE
ties. -. vi.
1t won't be long now before men who
can't tell rutabaga from an old tin-paii
will 60 out to the county fairs and begin
their orations with, &c Fellow-farmers."
Worcester Press: Widows are the only
women whose husbands are not continually
in the way during the season for canning
peaches.
A Ware baggage-master objects to letting
his children play with those Of his neigh
bors any longer because he has eornstalks
in the garden that are fifteen feet high.
Cotton duck is not as good eating rs the
canvas-back, but those who keep it for sail
say there is a good call for It.
A harp formerly owned by Robert Burns
is advertised for sale in Cork. Two hum
dred and twenty-five dollars is asked.
The Detroit Free Press feels that real
estate must stay down Just SO long as the
mortgages on it remain as heavy as now,