The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1877-12-13
He Didn't Know Any Thing About
the Family.

He was new clerk in q Fourth Street
bookstore, several miles behind the
times in current literature, but mighty
good-lOOking, and with smile so full
of dimples and strained honey that no
young lady could look into his azure
eyes without feeling as happy and
cOntented as though having her picture
taken in a hat with more feathers than
could be seen at one view.
She was a lady who knew how to
make her age a mystery. Prim, tidy,
well dressed, and with an air of hanteur
and ton about her that would make a
man feel as small and timid as a church
mouse. Her brow was several sizes too
large to be fashionable, and was trim
med with lines of thought very becom-
ing in college professors and chess-play-
ers, but somehow it didn't seem to be
quite as becoming to her as merry twin
kles, and other femininities scattered
broadcast over her Shapely features
might have been. Her voice, too, was
a surprise to an unmarried man, for
though not loud or h arsh in tone, it
seemed to shoot through the head like a
red hot wire, and held every body at
arms length.
Up to the handsome clerk she march
ed, and nearly broke him in two by the
suddenness with which she interrupted
his bow by saying in those indescriba-
bic and unexpected accents:
90 want That Husband of Mine. y"
The clerk turned so white his collar
looked like ashes, and protested that he
hadn't seen him.
Well, then, I'd like to see THAT
Lover of Mine,'" demanded the lady
with an unlooked-for vehemence that
made the young man think he had a
wasp in his slipper. He covered his
face with an atlas till his bushes went
inside, and then told her with his hand
on his heart that he was the only I'M
married man in the store.
"Stop your nonsense, and bring me
THAT Girl of Mine!'" demanded the
lady, impatiently tapping the floor with
her heel, and impaling the poor man
with her eyes.
His own optics enlarged so enormous
ly he couldn't have opened his mouth
without breaking his skin, and it was
fully a minute before he could blurt out
that she hadn't been in the establish
ment to his knowledge that day.
"Perhaps she'd gone to the Matinee"
he suggested timidly.
His remarks dropped unnOticed
The customer pounded the counter with
her purse and demanded:
Where's THAT Awful Boy?'"
"Iudeed, | don't know, ma am. We
sent him out over two hours ago to take
some books up to Court Street, but he
hasn't shown himself in the store since.
He's a lazy, good-for-nothing scamp,
and wouldn't be kept, only his mother
is poor widow and has no other sup
port. If he hasn't attended 70 your
books Wen have them sent up right
away by an expressman. What adj
dress, please?"
Never mind. Wrap up My Moth
er-In-Law.' That'll do for to-day"
"Was she an oldish lady, with gold
spectacles?" asked the badly puzzled
clerk.
81 don't know. Let me have 'Hel-
EMS Babies,'" replied the lady testify.
81 beg pardon, ma'am," replied the
poor clerk, with beads of moisture gath
ering on his aching brow; ''but haven't
you made a mistake and got into the
wrong place? This isn't a fondling in
Stitute, but first-class bookstore, and
we haven't really got any of your folks
here, and we don't know where they
are"
When the new clerk found out the
lady had been inquiring for books all
the time he felt as though he could
crawl into Il thimble and cover him
self with three-cent piece. He burns
the midnight oil now getting acquainted
with the store catalOgue.-CiNci115ati
Breakfast Table.