The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1877-05-23
Sclssored Locals.

Sclssored Locals.
How natural it is for SOME people to
conclude that it's no trouble to fill a news
paper with readable local news whether
anything happens or not. When people
refuse to break their necks, commit
suicide and encourage dog fights, they
should not feel disappointed If their local
journal sometimes does not contain 8
great deal of home news. Manufactur-
ing domestic news without the necessary
material is yery similar to the operation
of extracting blood from q turnip or
greenbacks from a~delinquent subscriber.
What solemn thoughts come to the
mind of The reflective youth, when ne
realizes that even in moments of supreme
happiness, basking in the pale moonlight
and the smiles Of the object Of his affec-
tons, he is liable to be accosted by the
head of the family and sharply requested
to get off tho front gate before he breaks
the hinges. -. 90
The travelling sewing machine agent is
about to be counted out Of the places that
have known him for 10, these many years
and will soon know him no moro. The
up of sewing machine monop-
olies and the adoption of the cash system
of selling machines have about work
ed his final dissolution. Now, If some
subtle agency could be brought to
bear upon the lightning-rod peddler
an overwhelmed public would rise up
and rejoice. ..
A christian woman Is the noblest work
of God. Man admires, honors, respects
and almost adores her, and acknowledges
the matchlessness of her charms, and the
power Of her attractions, by bending. IN
Worship at her shrine. She is honored OF
God, and is filled with affection, charity,
patience, hope. endurance, tortitude anu
all the ennobling qualities OF human ma
ture.
The house-cleaning season is about
over and it isn't quite so annoying 70
have ladies making frequent calls on your
wife. And q man doesn't have TO expe-
renee that unpleasant sensation that ire
sistibly takes possession OF him as ne at
tempts to scoot East the parlor door, I'M
noticed, with six feet Of st~ove-pipe under
each arm.
A Kentucky dentist undertook to plug
one of the back teeth of a favorite mule.
He bored and bored until the drill struck
something that seemed % move The ami
mails soul right Oft its hinges. That's
the way the coroner explained it, and
since then q wild mule has been gallop-
ing up and down the country seeking
for fresh worlds TO conquer.
Spring has so far advanced that harrow
ing.has commenced. A. popular young
miss of our town narrowed the feelings
of a CAV young clerk of u mercantile es-
adjustment rather severely Sunday eve
ming by ~promenading with the object OF
his disatfection.
Most every Sunday evening, about the
time Of the ringing of the first church
bell. squads of young men ara to be seen
striking out in different directions, with
fond anticipations in their hearts and
packages OF gum drops and kisses In
their Oat pockets.
II a day were to be set apart for people
to return all the borrowed goods and
chattels they have in their possession,
what o tremendous lot of lost articles
would come home that we have entirely
forgotten, and what q disconnected o II
dition some of US would be left In.
It's getting most too warm to wear an
oy ,rcoat, but its better to suffer In the
fles l and get o little sweaty than to allow
a 10. Of disreputable corner loafers to be
sc~rutinizing and making uncalled for re-
marks concerning the variegated patches
ON the seat Of your trowsers.
The man with q slouched hat, ragged
clothes, weather-beaten boots and q dis
sipated-looking nose Is nov observed sit
ting along the rural streams, on a log pro-
jecting from a big pile of Drift, patiently
wondering "why in the thunder they
don't bite"
1t is about time now for the road super
visor to warn out his hands and dig dam
,o~n,c <lifnhao hu tho rna1cIIn and fill
the roadway full of sods and clods that
will take a summers travel to mash up
and level down, and they. call 1t road
making.
Farmers were never buster than they
are lust now. All their available forces
are put in the field. Boys are blowing
who have to reach up to get hold Of the
plow handles, and girls are dropping corn
who can't say ''easter thistle SITTER right
fast.
The prophet hath said the fruit il all
nipped in the bud but walk with us al
early morn or dewy eve, and if we don't
show you scores of trees-apple, peach
and cherry-teeming with fruit, it will be
because you refuse to look In the direc'
ton we may indicate. -
The humble bee was around the first o.
this week taking a view of the Glove,
prospects. He gave us a call and said We
might look for him to move in about mex
week. He had the same surly look anc
"red-hod rudder' as Of old.
Just circulate the report that O Sunday
school picnic will be given in q few weeks
and see if your school doesn't rapidly in
crease in numbers. Lads will 60 who
never went before and those who gener
ally go will 90 the more.
With paper and paint inside, whitewasf
and the use Of the rak and hoe on thu
outside, we beautify our homes. Flower
beds have increased in number anC
geodes are in demand for rockeries
showing ON increasing desire among GU
people to walk more and more with tn
beautiful with each succeeding year.
Better growing weather than We ar
now having can scarcely be imagined ant
certainly could not be wished for by tn
most inveterate growler that ever turnet
a furrow.
Probably your attention has been call
ed to the fact, from observation, that it j
not every man who can strike u straigh
furrow in a corn-tield.
Some fellows seem to think that tn
best place to sit down and wait for . 10
or something to turn up is In the neigh
borhoOd of a beer saloon.
If you have not cleared up your var
, and used the whitewash brush abou
your premises with an unspairing ham
, prepare to do it now.
AS the days grow brighter and the oil
l more refreshing, the villagers thei
missions Of love and remembrance to tn
3 departed who lie asleep.
Wonder II most of our farmers don
| wish now that had sown the whole plan
tation in wheat last fall.
The best way to raise beats Is to place
( bent pin on the boxes where they ar
wont to congregate.
The school boy is counting tho week
until vacation.