The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1877-07-05
THE MULE.
Considered from Historical aud
Other StnndpOlnts...A 1lumOr-
Ous Review Of the Dlstiuguish.
Ing characteristics WhIcls have
Made this UniQue Animal ra.
mOus.

Made this Cnique Animal ra.
NOUS.
The mule is the only animal that
Noah didn't take into the ark with
him. have looked over the freight
list carefully, and could not see mule
way-billed for any place. SO clear
headed man as Noah did not dare to
take one on board. as he knew he
would kick hole through her In less
than week. don't know man on
whose head you could pour quicksil-
yer and run less risk of its spilling off
than on Noah's. He was dreadful
level-headed man, and before the fresh
ct was over everybody on earth real
lied the fact.
The origin of the mule il enveioped
In good deal of mystery. Tradition
informs us that when the flood had
subsidized, and the ark had landed on
Mount Ararat, Noah was very much
surprised in one Of his observations,
to find a good healthy looking mule
standing on the top Of an adjoining
mountain. The same tradition In
forms us that the mule is the only an
imal that lived through the food out
side Of the ark.
The mule can be considered in good
many ways, though the worst place to
consider him is directly from behind,
| anywhere within radious Of ten feet.
| never consider mule from that
standpoint unles am looking through
the flue of a boiler.
Sea captains, and people who have
TO do with mules always pay an extra
rate to life insurance companies. A
mule and belt Of country where yell
low feveris indigenous generally stand
the same as regards the death rate.
The word mule comes from the
Greek, and signifies ''to STOP and
mule himself comes to n stop also,
Like multiplied by like produces like.
Grasshoppers multiplied by grasshop-
pers produce famine, and potato bugs
multiplied by potato bugs produce
rise in the price Of yeast. But when
you try to multiply mules by mules
they don't multiply, and hence the
word mule. You may study your
arithmetic, and read through all of
Trains letters, but you cannot discov-
er why this is 80, any more than you
can why r woman cannot put on
rubber without leaning up against
something.
The mule has one more leg than
milking stool, and he can stand on one
and wave the other three round in as
many different directions. He has
only three senses, hearing, seeing and
smelling. He has no more sense Of
taste than . stone jug, and win cat
anything that contains nutriment,
and he don't care two cents whether
it contains two per cent. or ninety
nine. All he asks Is to pass him along
his plate, with Whatever happens to
be handy round the pantry. and he
won't go away and blow how poor the
steak IL. He just eats whatever is set
before him, and asks no questions.
Mules are naturally deaf. but that
supreme wisdom that teaches the lit
tie boy to wipe his nose on his sleeve,
has fitted the mule out with a pair Of
ears that counteracts his deafness, so
he can hear as readily a. person
when you don't want him to. These
ears answer u double purpose, as tun-
nels to pour sound into his head, and
also as fans to brush away the flies
with and keep his head cool. They
are hung by hinges to the sides of his
head, and flap backward and forward
like u pair Of wet trowsers round
boys legs. In cold attitudes quite a
tasty business is done in mules ears.
The ears are cut Off and dried, and sold
for snow shoes, and then the stubs
are trimmed up and the mules are sent
south and sold for horses. In this
way great many fine horses were
purchased for the army by the United
States.
II were to have a large picture of
innocence, to hang up in my parlor,
and did not wish to sit for it myself,
| should get correct likeness Of
mule. There is innocence enough de-
picted in mules countenance to fit
out Sunday School class. 1t looks
as guiltless as an angle worm.
A mule never grows old or dies.
Once brought into existence, he con-
tinues on forever. The original mule
is now alive somewhere in the South,
and his name is Robert Toombs, be-
cause he is so stubborn.
Mules are chiefly found in the
South and West. They have been
more abused than Judas Iscariot. A
boy who would not throw stone at
a mule If he got chance, would be
considered by his parents as too mean
to raise.
The mule is a good worker, but he
cannot be depended on. He is liable
to strike, and when mule strikes hu-
man calculation fails to fisd out any
rule by which to reckon when he will
go to work again. IT is useless to
pound him, for he will stand more
beating than sitting room carpet. He
has been known to stand eleven days
in one spot, apparently thinking of
something, and then start off again as
If nothing had happened.
Down South, when they have a sur
plus of small darkies on the planta-
ton, they send them out into the
barn-yard to play, where there is q
loose mule. They always bid them
goodbye when they start out, for they
know that the parting Is final. This
Is the most economical style of funeral
now In the market.
To fully appreciate the mule, one
should listen to his voice. You never
can really know whether you like
mule or not till you have heard him
sing. attended mule concert at
Fort Smelling. The programme OPEN
with a soprano solo, and then swung
into duet, and then pranced off into