Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-07-27
e U N :

SOMETHING IN THE BED.-Judge Pit
man has habit of slipping his watch un-
der his pillow when he goes to bed. The
other night somehow it slipped down. and
as the Judge was restless, it gradually
worked its way downward toward the foot
of the bed. After bit, while he was ly-
ing awake, his foot touched it, and, as 1t
felt very cold, he was surprised and scared
and, Jumping from his bed, he said:
by gracious, Maria there's toad or a
snake or something under the covers.
touched it with my foot.'
Mrs. Pitman gave loud scream, and
was out on the floor in an instant.
''Now, don't go to hollering and waking
up the neighbors," said the Judge. ''Y gu
go and get the broom Or something, and
We'll fix this thing mighty quick
Mrs. Pitman got the broom and gave it
to the Judge, with the remark that she
felt as if snakes were creeping all up and
down her legs and back.
20, nonsense, Maria! Now you turn
down the covers slowly, while hold the
broom and bang it. Put a bucket of water
alongside the bed, too, SOS we can shove it
in and drown it,
Mrs. PiLman fixed the bucket and gent
ly removed the covers. The Judge held
the broom uplifted, and, as soon as the
black ribbon of the watch was revealed. lie
cracked away three Or four times with lis
broom. Then he pushed the thing off into
the bucket. Then they took the bucket to
the light to investigate the matter. When
the Judge saw what it was, he said:
Il might have known that Just like
you women, to go screeching and making
fuss about nothing! Who's going to pay
me for that watch ? It's utterly ruined. y
sit was you who made the fuss, not me, y
said Mrs. Pitman. You needn't try to
put the blame off on me-"
so, hush up and go to bed I'm tired of
hearing yonr biather. Pears to me you
can't keep your tongue still minute.
Blame me if [ amt going to get divorce
and emigrate."
And the Judge turned in and growled at
Maria until he fell asleep.
A GOOD ONE.-During the year of the
war, says Vermont paper, when change
was scarce and some large firms were issu-
ing currency Of their own, a farmer went
to neighboring town and bought some
goods, and gave the merchant d five dollar
bill, of which he wanted IS cents back.
The merchant counted it out and handed
it to the farmer, who looked at it MT
ment and inquired:
whats this 2"
Its my currency" said the merchant.
.'Wal, faint good for nothin' where |
live,' said the farmer.
VERY Well,' replied the merchant,
''keep it until you get dollars worth, and
bring it to my store, and [ will give you
dollar bill for it,"
The farmer pocketed the change and de-
parted A few weeks after he vert into
the same store. and bought goods to the
amount of one dollar, and paying over the
identical seventy-fve cents, he took out a
handful of pumpkin seeds and counted
out twenty-five of them and passed them
to the merchant.
"Why,,' said the merchant, WHAT is
this 2"
"Wall.' says the farmer. 'that is NY
currency, and when you get a dollars
worth, bring it to my place and will give
you dollar for it,
A stranger one day passing through a
certain street was seized by barker of
clothing store, who without ceremony.
pulled him into the shop, and began puff
ing up his fine ready-made clothing. Be-
ing old and infirm, he made little resist
ance, but asked the man if he was master
of the place.
.'No, sir" said the "barker,'' ''But
will bring him immediately
The man returned with the master, to
whom he put the same question.
care you the master Of the store, sir %
Eyes, sir what can I do for you ?''
-'Only, he replied. '.just hold your man
minute, while 1 60 OUT
A German lost his wife, and the next
week married again. and his new wife ask
ed him to take her out riding.-He felt
indignant that she should have no more
respect for his deceased wife than that,
and said "You dink ride out NIT anod-
er women so soon after the death Of mine
frau 20
A husband finding piece broken out of
his plate and another out Of his saucer,
petulantly exclaimed 10 his wife; MY
dear, il seems TO me that every thing be-
longing to you is broken ''Well, yes,''
responded the wife; ''eyen you seem to be
a little cracked
An up town lad while saying his little
prayer to his mother the other evening,
ceased when about half throug and ex-
claimed, "Ma, Bill Deitch is the boss short
stop" and then proceeded with his de-
votions.
The sewing machine agent since the pat
eent run out, has to talk as much and just
as fast, and just tell as many yarns for
4olI Gov