The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1877-06-06
MISCELLANY.
CIRCULAR NOTE.

~~----e-------~
glassf
What kind Of paper resembles aneeze7
Zissne paper.
..-One often secs q neat little craft anchorodin
bay--window.
Why are dancers like parricides9 Because
they execute their pas.
Why is wit like Chinese football Because
iIeyity is the sole of wit.
Why 10 the letter S like tlpndera because
II makes our cream sour cream.
Which is The most profitable oil BUSH
nessesi The shoe, for every pain is soted before
il Is finished.
-ss|hy are country grls' checks like good
print dressg Because they are warranted to
wash and retain their color.
III, according to Sam Weller, a soire be a leg
OF mutton and trimmings, What is soiree dam
sante2 Ditto, with capers, To be sure.
Why may a foolish fellow reckon on having
the sympathy Of o latterG Because halter has
always Jet for fellow III want 81 y huadpicce.
"A San Francisco paper could not tell the
head from the tail Of the procession IN that city
on the l7tl Of Nareh--it Was 80 ailcLsod up. It
Was Pat on time, though.
IA contemporary describes post-ofsice as "a
psaco wheie you stand siaigerIng for baif an
hour for the privilege OF asking bluff fellow
through pigeois-hqie when he expects letter
from your grandmother
Tho editor of French newspaper. in speak,
ing OF the dedication oi a new cemetery near
Lyons, says that NJ. Gascolgnc had tne pleas
ure Of being the first individual who was buried
IN this delightful retrsat.D
my friend, don't you know that ii is very
dangerous 70 take uAp while the train is in
motion z why SOP exclaimed the astofised
individual. waking tip+-s.wly sol" 'sDecause
tais train runs over slecpefs.
IA sad, sweet snile went Wandering around a
pious congregation il, hicago the otnur Sunday
morning, when tic good pastor, with tender
and solemn intpnsfisu, read: DO men gather
thorps 81 grains, or tiassof iistles n
"A Bostonian being asked If he wouldn't like
20 go to the south African diamond ileltLs TO
hunt for pfccious 5eiEA, answered, "No; I've
found two carbuueies latey, both on the back
OF my neck, and don't feed like prospecting tor
any more.
lyon politicians are queer people, said an
o!a business man TO ~ iiupcclnl0ua partisan.
slfow 70 asked the politician. sway, be-
cause you tronble yourselves more about the
payment OF the debts OF the State than you do
about your own
--Sheil, the dramatist-an Irshman--o ono day
being al a reheai sal where Charles Young was
playing The hero, intending to give peculiar
effect TO the situation, cried out: Here, Mr..
Young, you must draw your sword, aud ind you
have not got onel"
"A fathesless boy was seaiping corn with
razor one Sunday morning, when his lnotner
cnusnt hiu bY the HAIR, Nunked him from the
chair, ard electrified hin by the startling re-
mark: 'sM hat do You 'apose your fitiior in
beavcnil think to look down and 500 hls own
tqn haekn rsssrs Wit, his razur /"
Somebody asked Victor Hugo il he could
write English poetry, .'Geltaniy,n he rrpled,
aud forthwith produced tic following
Pour CHASER lespleen,
5'pntIai tlas M inn;
O, plais je bus 10 gin,
atld saYe tie Qaeens
Captain ,Tiabins, late Of the Cunari stoari-
shp .sco'ia, WAS onco repeatedly iitosfspe.,i,
while taling his reekonBgs, by mi ihas4sstiee
lady who itelatel on knowing just NOW l,sr the
ship was ifaul Liverpool. Finally, his patience
exhausted, he exclaimed: 9 $3.50 il | know,
nadan. ycf haye to ask tho cook"
"A cisi2on of Eureka, having occasion to go
Bone rathot UNEXPECTEDLY a night or two siIIee,
caught 4 gentleman acquaintance III the AIT OF
GsSlng hts wife, Oh relating the circumstance
70 iriond, he WAS asked il he punished the
guilty couple, aud replied: ''Np, not exactly;
but they nlitai have seen, from the way siaLl-
med the docs, iliat MAS not se tistied.'
-~In to fae'.ec oftLe Duke OF Wellington
> Bubalt, sSn,nIea 70 describe trciuendo.ls
seap h ba Witnessed when out hunting.
Most tAsti'sr .suai9.lH sgs1 the Duke 'tAnd
did YOU realty sue thssy"
ssies, nsiis 4 II 1 had moi sccn II, / euuld not
Rnsslbiy hafr isaufti It.
"Abl ldil lfas SIC it ~ was the candid re-
fondcr