The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-06-28
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.

PENCIL AND SCISSORS.
EXAMPLE has more influence than
authority.
DEATH opens the gate of fame, and
shuts the gate of envy after it; it ur-
looses the chain of the captive, and puts
the bondsman's task into another mans
hand.-Sterne.
A SMALL boy, who no harm apprehended,
To the trTee-top serenely ascended,
For an immature peach
That hung out of reach.
The funeral was largely attended.
A RETURNED Pompeian traveller re-
ports that he saw in one of the uncovered
temples hundreds of figures of men and
animals lying around on the pavement.
This must be mistake; figures never
lie.
THERE is hope even for members of
the New York Legislature. A man who
had sunk so low as to hold seat in the
Assembly few years ago, by turning
over new leaf and devoting himself to
honest industry, has risen to the high
position of captain of a baseball ninein
Kansas.
In Norway, drunkards are compelled
to sweep the streets. When a motion
was made in the Chicago Common Coun-
Gil to adopt the Norwegian practice,
seventeen red-nosed aldermen arose,
simultaneously, and wanted to know if
this glorious republic was going to be
dictated to by the effete despotisms
Europe.
IT is said that " the moon has gained
about an inch in rapidity of motion"
within the last hundred years. This is
no doubt true, for young men will tell
you that when talking at the gate with
their sweethearts the moon goes down
much quicker now than it did when
they we're boys waiting to rob water
melon patch, in the dark.
AN enterprising Western editor has
invented woodcut which can, by few
ingenious transmogrifcations, be made
to serve as the portrait of any prominent
1t has already done good service as
George Washington, Charley Ross, and
the Sultan, and next week he intends to
use it for a man who is expecting a ten
year sentence as a horse thief.
THE hottest of all holidays
Are those kept by ourselves,
In silence and apart
The secret anniversaries of the heart,
When the full river of feeling overfows,
Those happy days unclouded to their close,
Those sudden joys that out of darkness start,
As flowers from ashes, swift desires to dart,
Like singing swallows, down each wind that blows.
NEW YORK Commercial: Madame"
he remarked Che always calls his wife
"Madame when he desires to be i'm
pressive)- when thousands are starv-
ing how thankful you should be, even in
muslins and calicoes. Every dime should
be looked after nowadays" Just then
boy raped at the door with fourteen
dollar box of cigars, which the speaker
had ordered sent up on his way home.
A PRosELYTING negro Baptist recently
approached a benighted Methodist
brother in this way: you've read the
Bible, s'pose ?" "Yes." We'll, you've
read in it of one John the Baptist,
hasn't YOU" eyes" "Well, you
never saw nothing about no John the
Methodist, did you?" "No." "Well,
den, you see, dere's Baptists in the Bible,
but dere amt no Methodists, and the
Bibles on my side"
In the ages when our ancestors were
savages the men went on little ahead,
in journeys, to fight the way through for
the women, who came behind with the
children and luggage. A survival" of
this ancient custom remains to the pres
ent day among the lower classes, with
whom, when the husband and wife go
anywhere, the husband walks on about
six feet before, while the wife follows
behind and lugs the baby.
A QUICK-wITTED negro preacher had
elaborated new theory of the Exodus,
to wit, that the Red Sea got frozen over
and so affo1- d the Israelites safe pas.
sage but when Pharaoh with his heavy
iron chariot attempted it they broke
through and were drowned. A brother
rose and asked for an explanation of that
point. "Tse been studyin' geography, and
de geography say dat be very warm coun
try-where they have de tropics. And de
tropics too hot for freezin'. De pint to bt
'splained is, bout breakin' through do
ice." The preacher Strengthened up and
said: Brudder, glad you axed dst
question. 1t give me 'casion to 'splain it
You see dat was great while 'go-in dt
ole times 'fo' dey had any gography-'fo
dere was any tropics"
In the chamber of the Turkish Psrlis
ment there are Mohamm mmedans, Greel
Unitarians, Bulgarian Sectarians, Roman
Catholics, Armenian Unitarisns, Chal
dean and Syriac Sectarians, Jews, Protes
tants, Maronites, and Druses. Among
the deputies three days per week are sac
rifced as Ssbbaths--Friday by tn
Mohammedans, Saturday by the Jew'
and Sunday by the others.
ENGLAND evidently don't like tn
torpedo operations on the Danube. II
see monitors, even Turkish ones, tha
) have cost millions, annihilated at
puff ishardly pleasant theme fer cor
temptation for a power boasting hersel
the mistress of the seas.
: In Bath Able is to be seen the follow
, ing epitaph-" Here lies Ann Mann; sh
3 lived an old maid, and died an oil
| Mann -