The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1877-12-27
Miscellaneous.

Temperance people are discussing the
conundrum: What Rum Costs" Fol
their information we make public the
statement of a gentleman from Syracuse
who has every opportunity for investiga.
tion. that it costs ten cents a drink.
What we want to know is, how a child
% inches around can get away with a
heaping plate of Thanksgiving goodies
26 inches around. We should also like
to know just what ought to be done for
child about two hours afterward.
The first umbrella appeared in Eng
land in the year IVY; but history doesn't
inform US when the first umbrella disap-
peared and who carried it off. Almost
any man can tell about what time the
last umbrella disappeared.
The coolest storm wave of the season
was experienced by young man from
Syracuse, who escorted an East Rome
girl home Sunday night, and was detect
ed by her father just as he was putting
his moustache where itwould do her the
most good.
Two friends, Just married, were dis
cussing rapturously, as they congratu-
lated each other, the merits and charms
of their spouses. Said one: my wife
has got the ioveliest head of hair ever
saw, even on the hair-renovator labels.
When she lets her hair down the ends
fall to the floor" That's nothing" re-
plied the other; when my wife lets her
hair down it all falls to the floor"
Everybody who has visited San Fran
cisco knows Woodwards Gardens, with
its fine collection of animals, birds, ETC.
The proprietor is famous for catching at
every rarity that comes in his way, and it
was with emotions Of intense delight that
he recently received a note from friend
Just returned from the East, stating that
he had brought with him for the garden
"a fine specimen of ground hog" An
express-man was sent for the animal and
returned with a large box; a company of
scientific men assembled in the proprie-
tors room to view the prodigy; the lid
of the box was carefully raised, and
there was disclosed to View-a huge
sausage.
as this the place" she asked, as she
wandered down on the barren sands,
where a young lady-a beautiful young
lady-fell into the water last season,
and was rescued by a gallant young man,
whom she afterward marriedH He
looked at her carefully, estimated her at
a square Al, with false teeth, and said -
"Yes, maam, but don't know how to
swim"
An old man, having an apple-stand on
Woodward avenue, was yesterday APP
preached by a hungry looking lad who
asked: Say, amt you goin' to gimme
l. a L..
firstl" was the gruff reply. "You declare
war, do your All right, my old buck
shot I'll stand right here for the next
hour and tell everybody that you spit on
your apples and then burnish EN- on your
greasy old coat sleeve. Well see who'll
come out ahead in this mad struggle r'-
The boy did. He got his apple in five
seconds.
Dan De Quille once had occasion to ask
a Virginia City barkeeper if he knew a
certain party. "Yes," said the dispenser
of beverages, "but not intimately He
seems to be fine, sociable gentleman
He came into the saloon here the other
night, introduced himself, took a drink,
discoursed a few minutes, then fired a
few shots promiscuously about the ROOM
one through the looking glass, another
through porcelain vase ana tWoor three
up into various parts of the ceiling. A
very nice, sociable sort of fellow; he
made himself quite at home with me
right away"
Mum sociables' are popular in the
] West and the Lacrosse sun explains
how they are managed. AN admission
fee is is to be charged, and after the
ladies and gents are all in, they must not
speak When all are seated about the
room, the lights are turned out, and
when one of the party squeals the lights
are lit, and she has to tell what she has
to tell what she was squealing about. L
she refuses to tell, then she is fined tive
shillings 1t is said to be better than
succotash festival, and the best part Of j
is that il don't cost anything until you
girl squeals, and the she pays the fine.