Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-09-26
Danbury News,

Putting up a stove is not so difficult
III Itself 1t IS the pipe that raises four
| llths OF the mischief and all the dust.
| You may take down d stove pipe with
all the care in the world, and vet that
plne won't come together again as it
was before. You find this out when
you are standing on chair with your
| arms tull OF pipe and your mouth full
OF SCOT. Your wife is standing on the
floor IN a position that enables her to-
see you, the pipe and the chair, and
she gives utterance to those remarks
that are calculated to hasten a man in
to the extremes of insanity. Her dress
| Is pinned over her waist, and her hands
rest on her hips. She has got one of
your hats on her head, and your linen
coat on her back. and pair of rubbers
| on her feet. There is about five cents
worth Of pot black on her nose, and a
lot Of flour on her chin, and altogether
she Is 1t spectacle that would Inspire "A
dead man with distrust. And while
you are up there trying to circumvent
the awful contrarness of the pipe,
and telling that you know some fool
has been mixing it, she stands safely on
on the floor and bombards you with
such domestic notices as: whats
no one has touched that pipe" You
amt got any more. patience than a
child. . :" Do be careful of that chair"
And then she goes and reappears with
an armful more Of pipe, and before YOU
are aware of it she has got that pipe so
horribly mixed up that it does seem
no two pieces are alike. You Join the
ends and work them to and fro, and to
and fro again, and then you take them
apart and look at them. Then you
spread one out and jam the other to-
gether, and mount them once more
But 1t is no go. You begin to think the
pieces are inspired with life, and ache to
kick them through the window. But
she doesn't lose her patience. She goes
around with that awful exasperating
rigging on, with a length of pipe under
each arm and long handled broom in
her hand, and says she don't see how
it Is that some people never have any
trouble IN putting up stove. Ten
you miss the hammer. You don't see
1t anywhere. You stare into the pipe,
along the mantel, and down the stove.
and off to the floor Your wife watches
you, and Is finally thoughtful enough to
inquire what you are looking after;
and, on hearing, pulls the article from
her pocket. Then you feel as if you
could go out doors and swear whole
twelve feet square through a block of
brick buildings, but she merely observes:
why on earth don't you speak when
you want anything, and not stare
around like dummy" When that
part of the pipe which goes through the
wall is up, she keeps it up with the
broom while you are making the con-
nectlon, and stares at it with an inten-
,ity that Is entirely uncalled for All
the while your position is becoming
more and more interesting. The pipe
lon't 60 together, of course The SCOT
shakes down into your eyes and mouth,
The sweat rolls down your face and
tickles your chin as it drops OIL, and it
seems as if your arms were slowly but
surely drawing out of their sockets.
Here your wife comes to the rescue by
lnqulrlng if you are going to be all day
doing nothing, and if you think her
arms are made of cast-iron; and then
the broom slips off the pipe, and in her
endeaver to recover her hold she jabs
you under the chin with the handle
and the pipe comes down on your head
with its load of fried SCOT, anu then the
chair tits forward enough to discharge
your feet, and you come down on the
wrong end Of that chair with a force
that would bankrupt a pile-driver. You
don't touch. that stove again. You
leave your wife examining the chair
and hemoaning its injuries, and go into
the kitchen and wash your skinned and
bleeding hands with yellow soap. Then
jou go down the street after Il man to
do the business, and your wife goes over
to neighbours with her chair, and tells
them about the injuries, and drains the
neighborhood dry with its sympathy
long before you get home.
1t is announced that ex-Gov. Jewell
toy, nd hIc will