The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-11-24
An Hour Mt The Court.
detroit Free Press.

uluH KNOW rs inc MeNlCanS nat
asked any question:" was the blum
| answer.
How do you stand on the silvel
bill 2"
"Never saw one, boys. All the bill,
| ever saw were paper, except Buffalo
Bill"
"Mr. JOY, have you Southern
policyY'
Give played policy with those
Kentucky fellows"
"Mr. Joy, if you were nominated fol
some high office what pledges would you
make 9
"Pd pledge myself to accept the
nomination, mighty quickW
Well, sir, was the bred Scott decision
satisfactory to your
I'll guess it was, boys, though |
never knew what Scott dreaded"
We may all live to see Bijah holding
some high office-janitor of the City
Hall tower, for instance.
"ACT H."
William johnson stood before the bar
with downcast look and detected air,
and he didn't even smile when his Honor
began:
"Ahi well do remember,
Twas the fourteenth OF september,
sent you up an even thirty days,
For installing Beeoher's alley
For the yo-se-mghty valley
And lying there before the public gaze.
" 1t seems only few hours agone, and
here you are once more. The boys saw
you wire-pulling around in the morning
At noon you were pulling at bottle
At dusk they pulled you in on hand
cart. You should let pull-atics alone,
Mr.. Johnson"
Cant it be looked over this once,
sir? The boys always expect to have a
little fun when lection comes"
81 know it, William, but you set out
too early. You got drunk before all the
nominations were made. If last night
had been made joyful by the sound of
cannon, the music of bands, the yells of
the populace and the internal boots of
the small boy should this morning say
to you: William johnson finish your
constitution with the rolling-pin.' As
the case stands, it is thirty days more
You will lose your vote, but we can
import voter from Canada if me-
cesssary."
"TuE GIRL HE LEFT BEHIND HIM."
when you look down on me you are
looking upon heart-broken woman"
said Eliza Powers, as she wiped her eyes
before the desk.
"They come here most every day."
he replied.
81 was married four weeks ago." she
sighed as she softly scratched her nose.
" was living as coy as a duck, up on
Cbene Street, when Powers first found
me. He said he was struck by my
beauty"
"Was he crazy?" softly inquired
his Honor, after the boys got through
"No, sir. He was nice man, or 50
thought then. He could quote off the
incest poetry you ever heard. He could
tell you how long George Washington
was President, which is the biggest city
in the world, when old John Brown was
killed, and lots of other things. And he
called me his angel, sir, and he was al
ways talking about my raving locks and
chestnut eyes"
Hurry up-come to the family fights
as soon as you can" warned the court as
she paused for breath.
"Can tell what wore when we went
to be married?'
"No, ma'am. The law doesn't know
as you wore anything"
"Well, l did, sir! Dye spose I'd be
without clothes, and good
clothes, too! Well, as was saying, we'd
been married three days when hit him
a slap ON the ear and he gave me cuff
on the mouth"
"Any more?
eyes, sir, but it was his fault. He
called me names, and he objected when
took little sip to draw me seven dollars
out of the bank and let him invest it for
me. The other day he left me. We had
q row, sir, and because | backed him
into the wood-box and jammed his head
agin nail he flew to Canada.
I'm left here with me sorrow
This dark day;
That may die tomorrow
/ shall pray"
"Pooh! p
ooh! you may make light of this
aching heart, sir, but I'll soon be under
the sods."
You'll soon get that red color out of
your face, your hands washed, your hair
combed and job for sixty days." he
replied. m
eff you send me up I'll choke meself
TO death with stringp'
"That is nothing to me, Mrs. johnson.
If / lend man my snOw-shovel and he
breaks his back by falling over it the law
can't hold me. Go in and sit down.
There's pan of snow apples, dime
novel and good fire in there"
Josephus Irving, village blacksmith,
was found at midnight in a doorway
trying to rout up grocer's clerk. He
would shake the door, and when an
officer came up Irving inquired:
"Shay, you, / wa shum shugar."
81 will sweeten you," remarked the
guardian as he clutched his collar and
took him down.
"Don't you know any better than to
be calling for sugar at midnight S solemn
hourg' sternly demanded his Honor,
as the meek-eyed smith was brought
out.
"No, SIR"
"Don't you know that you were
drunk?''
s'No, sir"
"And that you raised Disturbance
mo, sir"
"Don't you know that your conduct
was retrehensible, to say the least?"
"N0, sir"
Wen, I'll educate you up to that