The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-07-28

art the Tyre" The editor Indignantly cast it
into The waste basket, as personal reflection
twitting on facts, In short
Blaine says things dc going to hell. Appar-
emily he don't mean to be left bchind.-h|'
SIZE GOT 1T.
he wiped his heated brow, he did
His brow so intelectual
But all he said about the heat
Was sadly Intellectual.
But she, sweet lass, did say 10 Ail
In mellow tones unwayering,
Dear George, am SO warm; ia IKE
Ice cream with lemon llayoring
Baltimore belle, just from Vas5ar college,
when told by the waiter IN Palnter'e dlhlhS-
room that they had no gooseberrieo, exclaimed,
"what has happened to the goose" The waiter
wilted,
A long scientifically inclined article is going
:he rounds of the press entitled, what Will be-
come of the last man?' He will be like the ne
gro song:
"Oh, whar shall we 90 wen the great day comes,
Wild de blowin' ov de trumpets and bangin' oy
de drumsy
Dat POI sinner will be cotchcd out late,
And find no latch to the golden gate"
-Narlm (Ttbas) ball.
The editor Of the La Sale Press, in conse-
quence of a most trying personal experience,
gives vent TO his outraged feelings in this in
dignant outburst
When Cowper said he would not choose for
his companion the man that would needlessly
set foot upon worm, he uttered sentiment OF
humanity which alone might have entitled his
name to immortality. But when mature bed
bug, after fcastlng upon mans blood, dlsports
itself upon the white vest front OF its Fictlm, IN
public places, that bug resorts to an extremity
OF cussedncss at which "forbearancc ceases to be
a virtue" and deserves TO be crushed out on the
spot its foul presence has polluted.
Here is an item from foreign paper that can
not fail to cause rush for situations III female"
seminaries:
A remarkable book has appeared in Germany
written by one Herr Cobhausen, entitled "Oi
the Rare Art Of Prolonging Life till ll5 years by
the Breath OF Young Maidens upon One" The
method recommended is based upon the lnserlp-
ton Of monument said to have been discover
cd at Rome by Bolognese antiquary, Gommar-
us. The inscription runs, $40 .Esculapius and
Health, H. Clodius Hermppus, who lived 10
wears and days through the breath OF young
inaidens, crects this monument" Hermppus
seems to have been teacher OF girls IN Rome,
who attributed his unusual length Of life TO the
breath OF those with whom he was daily assocla-
ted. And now this hypothesis is revived after
the lapse OF centuries.
We knew it would be so. The grasshopper
has its parasites, white grub and red louise,
that are eating up Mr.. g. Hopper in the liyelest
way Swift had them in his minds eye when he
wrote;
So Naturalists observe a flea
Has smaller feas that on him prey;
And these are smaller still to bite em
And SO proceed al bJinitum.
Col. Kyd Douglas, in the Philadelphia Times
SAYS Stonewall Jackson was Tor twenty years a
severe sufferer from dyspepsia and was COMPEL
ed to forego eating and drinking most things he
liked. He once declared he was fondcr OF wills
ky than any other man III his army yet he never
tasted it.-N. J. Sun
Too thin. II he never tasted, how could he
know he was fond of 1t:
New York paper, IN speaking OF a family
who made fortune out OF whisky says: They
live on Twenty third street, in perfect deliri-
nm tremens of splendor
nippotamuses are down as low as 5000
apiece, and menagerie-man Says this is dirt
cheap. But until they come down to a. 80, they
will be classed among the luXuries in poor fami-
lies, who will continue to worry along with two
or three dogs.
COMMUNAL AFFECTION.
II maxim in the schools
That women always dote on fools
II 50, dear Jack, Tn sure your wife
Must love you as she docs her life.
French chemist makes pills on which the
name and the dose are legibly printed. So the
man who gets them not only gets needful
medicine. but also swallows a great deal Of vau-
able infornation.-D dnbaTy Noes.
More amenities Of journalism: "Who wouldn't
be an editory" asks the Lafayette, Indiana, Jour
nal. "You wouldn't" replies an Illinois ex.
phouya you triad "a Yhprgopl ,.ars
The New York Sun thus notices the PECULIAR.
ties Of certain great authors:
John c. SAKE, when writing, site with his
chair tipped back and his feet braced against
some object President Hayes always writes
with his head In bucket Of water, with his left
elbow resting on his big toe. Anna Dickinson
invariably compOses IN recumbent position
with striped stockings and a crown Of thorns on
each ankle, aud carries her ink bottle In her
right ear 6. W. Childs can't get ins piraiion for
his obituaries unless placed In a coffin hermeti.
eally sealed, with copy Of the Sun FOR a pillow
William VI. Byarts writes In balloon with a
horse-brush on blue blankets, and uses Stock
holm tar IN preference TO ink.
The mechanics aud laboring men Of Jeaer
sonyille Ind, have organized a one-meal-a-day
society Tor the purpose Of curtaling their table
expenses. The meal will be taken at O'Clock
,. ~, and As the mechanics aud laboriug men Of
Jefersonvile, Ind, will probably eat as much at
that one meal as they used to eat at three, It is
difficult to see what benefit the mechanics and
laboring men Of Jacksonville, Ind, are going TO
derive from the new system. II the mechanics
and laboring men Of Jeffersonyille, Ind, would
organize a no-drink-a-day society now,
Some one says the Russians sleer in their
clothes We should think I would spoil the
nap.