Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1877-04-19
The bascst fraud Of earth is agriculture

The baScst fraud OF earth Is agriculture
The deadliest ignis fatuus that ever gilt
tered TO beguile, and dazzled TO bctray, is
asricultnrc., speak with feeling on this
subject, for I've been glittered and be-
guiled, and dazzled and destroyed by tho
same arch dcccivcr.
She made me a thousands promises and
broken every one Of them.
She has promised me carly potatoes,
aud the rain has drowned them; late pc
tatocs, and the tlrou,h has wi,hercd them.
She has promised me summer squashcs
and the worms have eaten them; winter
souashes, anu tie bugs have dcvoured
them.
She has promised cherries, and the cur
culio has stung them, and they contain
living things, uucomcly to the eye and un-
savory to the taste.
! She has promised me Strawberries, and
the young chickens have enyelopcd them,
and tho eve cannot sec them.
She has promised tomatoes, and the old
hens have cncompasscd them, and the
hand cannot reach them.
No wonder Cain killed his brother. He
was tillcr of the ground. The wonder
is that dc didn't kill his father, and then
weep because he had'nta grandfather to
kill. No doubt his Early Rose potatoes,
for which he had paid Adam seven dol
lars a barrel, had been cut down by bugs,
from tho headquarters OF the Euphrates.
His Pennsylvania wheat had been winter
killed, and wasn't worth eating. His
Norway oats lad gone to straw, and
would not yield five pecks per acre, and
/ his black Spanish watcrmelons had been
stolen by the boys who had pulled up the
vines, broken his patent picket fence, and
!. written scurriious doggcrcl all over his
back gate. No wonder lie felt mad when
he saw Abel whistling along with his fine
, French Mcrinoes, worth eight dollars a
head, and wool going up every day. No
wonder he wanted to kill somebody, and
> thought he'd pradticc on Abel.
And Noah's getting drunk was not al
all surprising. lie had become an Eus
bandman. lie had thrown away magniil
cent opportunities. lie might have hat
monopoly Of any profession Or business
Had he studied medicine, there would no
have deem another doctor within q thous
and miles to call him "Quaek;' and eve
~ family would have bought bottle 0
'Noah's Compound Extract Of Gopher
Wood and Anti-Dclugc Syrup" AS
politician, he mi glit have carried his owl
ward solid, and controlled two thirds 9
the delegates in every convention. AS
lawyer, he would have been retained i
every case tried at the Ararat Quartc
Session,or the Old Ark Iii gh Court {
Admiralty. Eut he threw away all 1hes
advantages and took TO agriculture. II
q long time the ground was SO wet h
could raise nothing but sweet flag an
butlruhcs, and these, at last, became a tlru
in the market What wonder that whc1
at last, lie did get half peck Of grape
that were not stung to death by Japhct
honey bees, he should have made win
and drowned his sorrows in a "flowir
bowl?'
The fact is, agriculture would dcmora
ize saint. was almost a SAINT when
went into it. Pm demon now. I'm
way with everything. tihgt myself OF
of bed at four o'cl>ck, when my better n
ture tells Inc TO be still until seven.
fight myself into the garden to work liE
a brute, when reason and instinct tell II
to stay in the house and enjoy myself lik
a man. I fight the pigs, the chickens, Il
molcs, the birds, the bugs, the worms
everything in which is the breath Of If
I fight the docks, The burdocks, the M,
lens, the thistlcs, the grapes, lie weed
the roots-the whole vegetable kingdom
fight the heat, the frost, The rain, the hi,
in short. fight the Universe, and g
whipped in every battle.