Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-04-04
HUMOROUS.

i 0tnAN 3 1OnOnesS Tor hnery Is of no
recent date. In fact EYES very exist
ence was conferred in ribbone.
1t is said Of BANKRUPT Michigan
hrm: "The schedule of liabilities is
fn1teen feet long; assets very small"
IHE artist, who got himself into hot
water by painting Farraput as dashed to
the mast in the fight in Mobile Bav has
since confessed that he did # 30 90 10
make his painting rank as one of the
cold masters"
BAKER Ia little too particular "a
things co." Here, I say! This won't
do You've given me two French
'apennies !" Youngster-" Oh, never
mind; save 'em up for change f or peo-
pie who buy French rolls"
SOMEBODY asserts that "blue glass
chimney On a parlor lamp will bring a
young man up to the point of propos.
ing TO a cross-eyed maiden, with store
teeth, IN three Sunday evenings"
For the child Of fame there is waiting still crown
And scepter bright
But there beauty will fade like the morning dew,
| IN the presence Of the silver-plated certificate
b na5 Is s drawn up for the man who sleep in
bosom looking as we'll as it did at night.
Globe Democrat.
SENIOR class room. Mr.. L." Doc
tor, could the wicked find any pleasure
IN associating with the good in the next
llfeT DR.. A.-"N No, sir" Mr.. L.
Then wasn't God kind to provide hell
Tor their comfort !"-Rochester Campus.
IN 8 sermon recently, Mr.. Moody
said: If you can't be a lighthouse.
be candle" We have heard of Young
ladies who would prefer to be half of
| q match.
They were sitting together in the
moonlight. His eyes were eloquent
with passion, and his voice was husky
with emotion, as he asked her if she
would be his. "You know I would"
she said, artlessly; "but you've got
black and tan mustache."
HIP-PocKETs for lap dogs are the
latest innovation in ladies' dresses.
With dog in her pocket, q seal on her
back, a bird in her hat and kids on
her hands and feet, the well dressed
lady is but q little short of a walking
menagerie.
| A CATsKILL woman recently knocked
down seven robbers, one after the 9th Or.
Her husband watched her from the top
of the stairs, and felt so brimful of
fight that he couldn't cool off until he
Jerked his eight-year- old son out of bed
and whaled him soundly for not getting
up and helping his mother.
GOOD Deacon B having, as some of
bis friends thought, shown too little in
terest in the public affairs of the day,
was charged by brother with being
g on the fence" ayes, I am on the
fence" was the reply, "and there pro-
pose to remain as long as it's so con-
founded muddy on both Sides"
The noble chief Of the Penobscot In
dams was found under the New York
gas light the other evening, bathed in
tears, On account of the hard-hearted-
ness of the Eastwood squaw whom he
was trying to persuade to abandon the
cigar business and dwell with him in
the secluded forests of Maine.
The new secretary of the navy, hav-
irg been informed there were buoys
belonging to his department in New
York harbor, Immediately issued an
order com manding them to report to
their ships without delay. "Discipline
is discipline" says the old salt, 'if I
have to skin everybody in the navy"
JOHN HENRY, reading to his wife
from a newspaper: g There is not
single woman in the House of Correc-
ton There, you see, don't you, what
wicked creatures wives are? Every wo-
man in that jail is married" 1T Is
curious" she said; shut don't you
b To1 hot of II
go there for relief r.. .-..s.
A GENTLEMAN met citizen of Somer-
vile recently, and said to him: "Your
home is in Somerville, I believer"
"No," replied the Somerville man,
"myI home is in Heaven" "Let me
give you a little advice" said the gen
tleman. "You hurry and get a postal
card and write your folks that you are
never coming home.o -Bostoaa Herald.
DANBURY News.- :" What gender is
sugar asked teacher of the gram
mar class. "What kind of sugar."
asked boy. "What kind ?" repeated
the teacher, "what has that to do with
it?" "Why, if it's maple sugar it's
feminine gender" said the boy. Why
feminine gender" asked the teacher,
With a puzzled face. Because you
can't tell its age" promptly replied the
boy 5ai lI.s z32l
Mr.. SECRETARY THOMPSON has never
served two years before the mast, BUTT
is affirmed that his nautical acquire
ments are more varied than were those
Of President Taylor's Secretary of the
Navy. When this official first boarded
q man-of-war st the Gasport Navy-yard
he paused before the hatchway, gave q
startled glance downward and exclaim-
ed, "Great Caesars ghost if the 49,
thing isn't hollow - 92 tes
. A BROOKLYN butcher has an intelli-
gent German clerk who is trying to
learn English by looking up in the die
tionary every word he hears but does
not understand. A few days ago a
lady customer, in her effort to explain
what cut of meat she wanted and why
she wanted it, mentioned that she ate
her beef cooked rare. SO Rare?" he
sRare! Vat ish dat? Oh,
yes, l know. R-a-r-e-very seldom" =
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