The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-06-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

OUTDOOR relef-A breath OF pure
Why IS situation of great trust like
back tooth ? Because it is hard to fill.
The man who puts on spring coat
with the most satisfaction is the house
painter.
AS THE young lady remarked about the
infant "How sweet, but how bald for
one so young p
NONE are SO tiresome as those who al
ways agree with us; we might as well
talk with echoes.
HE Cincinnati Enquirer asks if Adam
was an Irishman. He was an Erin man,
without doubt.
WHAT lovers swear-To be true until
death. What husbands swear-Unfit
for publication.
If Augustus gives Angelina a pair of
earrings, need they necessarily be called
beau-Gus jewelry?
"No PAINS will be spared" as the
quack said when he sawed off patients
finger to cure felon.
A YANKEE editor wishes no bodily
harm to his subscribers, but he hopes
that some Of them in arrears will be
seized with a remittent fever.
"IT is we'll to leave something for
those who come after us, - as man said
when he threw barrel in the way of
constable who was chastising him.
AN Eastern paper records the abduc-
ton of Marie Blvira Spoon, by Henry
Bowl. That's in accordance with the
old story in Mother Goose" where the
dish ran away with the spoon.
CLEVELAND young women write COM
ments on the margins of the library
novels they read. One emotional crea-
ture writes, "The pangs of love are
CRATE have been there myself
AT restaurant the guest called the
waiter to him and remarked: "This
goose with wine sauce would be most
palatable but for slight mistake. The
age is in the goose and not in tine wine.
The papers relate an anecdote of
beautiful young lady, vino had become
blind, having recovered her sight after
marriage. It is no unc ommon thing for
peoples eyes to be opened after matri-
mony.
AN exchange says the only jokes wo-
men like to read are those which reflect
ridicule on men," eyes," adds another
exchange, son taking up paper wo-
man invariably turns to the marriage
column"
A MATRoNLY lady asked one younger
in years why she did not require of her
companion to teach her the French Ian
guage. To which Interrogation she re-
piled that one tongue was enough for
any lady.
SIS THAT friend of yours % said a
gentleman to a party who was sailing
rapidly down the street. 'FCant tell
till next Saturday." returned the indi-
vidual addressed GIVE just lent him a
sovereign"
A LITTLE boy in Dover refusing to
take a pill, his mother placed it in a
piece of preserved pear and gave it to
him. In few minutes she said: "Tom-
my, have you eaten the pear?" eyes,
mother, all but the seed"
"CAN there be anything brought into
this House, asked Disguised member
during the last session of the Legisla-
ture, that will not be repealed sooner
or later?' One of the opposition sug-
gested, GA skinned orange"
pa" asked an uptown boy, the
other day, ''whatis meant by paradise?"
C Paradise, my son, replied the father
gloomily, paradise is the latter part of
Of next summer, when your mother goes
on visit to your grandmother.
A GRUMBLING old bachelor, after lis
tening to the following: "She was her
own little darlin' wopsy popsy
leary ducksy, so she was, an she mus
keep STILL" asks, "Why don't women
talk some decent kind Of English to their
children %
ANAmerican lady coming from Canada
assured the customs officer that she had
nothing but wearing apparel in her
trunk: but he went to the bottom of the
article and found dozen bottles of
brandy slowed away. "Madam," de-
handed he, sternly, "do you call these
wearing apparel % eyes" the lady
lemurely replied; "they are my hus-
1and's 'night-caps." %