Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-02-14
FUNNY FINDINGS.

w
his marriage, whenever he misses the
last train he is sure to catch it.
A LITTLE boy came to his mother re-
Gently and said, Mamma, I should
think If was made of dust I should
get muddy inside when l drink Coffee"
P1rTsFIELD four-year-olds just spying
the new moons narrow rim. Edith
"The moon is up" Grace" Yes,
part of it."
A SPEAKER at stump meeting out
west declared that he knew no east, no
west, no north, no south. "Then."
said bystander, you ought to 90 to
school and learn your geography"
The skull of Agamemnon, discover
ed by DR.. Schilemann, had thirty-two
perfect teeth, which encourages the be-
lief that he never lived at a boarding
house.-Nora0ich Bulletin.
WHY, asks a correspondent, is a
! fashionable belle at her toilet like a
species of Euphorbia? Because she
f1ours before she leaves.-Gzobe-D Demo-
cr0t.
| AN Iowa editor announces that the
singing school in his town will shortly
produce Haydn's divine oratorio of
The Crem atom Probably on Palm
Sunday.-Boston Post.
II costs $500 to welcome brigadier-
general to the Pacific coast and
then for the first four weeks he is
allowed to beat everybody at poker for
courtesy's sake.
AND now Kentucky chases thirty-nine
coons up single tree and hands them
down one by one. Daniel Boone al
ways predicted bright future for that
state.-F1ee Press.
WHICHEVER way I turn" said an
unfortunate hand-organ man, 81 find
nothing but grinding powerfully. o.
| Republican. Yet he always carries a.
barrel of notes.
A GALLANT New York laborer, in a
moment of inspiration, laid his wooden
snow-shovel across a Bowery car-track,
to enable lady to cross without get
ting her feet wet. He had never heard
Of Sir Walter Raleigh, either.
WHEN DR.. Mary Walker was in Salt
Lake Brigham Young wanted to make
her the morning star Of his harem.
He said he wanted one wife whose old
clothes could be cut down and made
over for his boys.-Norristoagn Herald.
We saw this morning young man
who is still keeping up his diary He
had the weary hopeless look of tramp
who had reached town that don't is
sue soup and has no station house.
Easton Free Press.
SCENE-Canadian shanty. American
lat the door: "You amt nary one
seen my dog? He war an alfred
criter at bar, an I'll miss him" Voice
(from the bunk: "Seed bar and dog
that were runnin'-dog were little
ahead O. the bari"
PITTSBURGH has a temperance re-
vival. "The very streets appear to
have caught the infection Of the move
ment, and even among the bootblacks,
the Mulligan Guards have surren-
dered at discretion to Sweet Galilee'
and Hold the Fort"
A MONSTER was telling q young girl
who was to become bride, that she
must remember that the man and wife
are one. "Lord!' said she, if you
were under my father and mothers
window when they are quarreling
you'd think there were at least a
Dozen"
SCENE on steamer of the -- line:
Passenger Can you tell me, sir, how
many miles we've come from New
York, whether we've crossed the Gulf
Stream yet, and" Captain" Mad
am, [ advise you to ask the cook"
Passenger Excuse me, sir, [ sup
posed [ was addressing that person.
A GERMAN professor, VINO rejects
Malthusian doctrines, computes that
taking the whole world for an average,
woman is worth about one-eighth of
250,CO0,0OO unmarried women in the
world.
omen are like hymns" remarked an
exchange newspaper. "There are
short-metre, men, sharp, blunt and
hasty; there are long metre men, slow,
weighty and dignifed; there are ALEU-
jah men, mercurial, fervent and inspir-
ing; and there are Fights and-sevens
men, gentle, genial and delightful.
The are also some peculiar metres"
LITTLE Miss-Papa, I can eat piece
more currant tart, please? Papa-No,
my child; l have already said. that you
have had sufficient, Little Miss-Weu,
papa, then why do we so often sing
that favorite hymn of yours, where it
says: Feed me till I want no more?"
She had the tart.
WHILE he was sitting on the wood
box and chewing the bitter cud of re-
Election, man with brass watch
chain and three dollar set of glass
diamonds entered the Car, and six of
the women lifted their satchels down
and moved close up to the side Of the
car. Such things are not right, but
they always will be done.
MICHAEL" said gentleman travel
ing abroad, to his valet, "we snail de-
vote tomorrow to the inspection of the
sarcophagus of Napoleon" "Sar-co-
fay-gus," said Mike, an fot's that?
con that's the stone coffin in which
Napoleon was buried" "Stone coffin,
is it? Begorra that's good idea.
Shure one of them would last man
his lifetime"
He was red-headed boot-bIack, and