, 1877-10-14
p1OuS PERVERS1OES.

This is the time Of year when the prudent man
will not ioin the church until after the winter
stoves are all up.
Lady to sexton: "They say our poor minister
Is vcry ill; pray, what is the matter!" Sexton
fc1uftly>: ssGout, madam" Lady lin concern
ed yoicc): ais there no cure2" Sexton: Eyes,
madam; give him my salary"
The natives Of Fill have been converted to
Christianity, and now We shall have them bet
ting on horse races and starting savings banks
and fleeing to Europe with The funds, and in
duIging in other civilized pursuits.
Beegar-wo,na1l: "plcase, sir, give me few
pennies haven't tasted food for nigh OH to
two days.'' Philanthropic gentleman: "Can't
stop; am late now; have got to make speech
at the Society for the Relief Of tile Destitute
It takes OH African philosopher and poet to
put Il whole school OIL re'g'oh, us theo!oSy,
philosophy and inner and active life into few
words. Witness this Elncrsouian stanza:
Dem W at nravs an dc 1oudes sings
/ An, dc ones wat " ars dc biggest wings.
While a collection was being taken up at q
colorcl mcctingin Detroit the otherday. Brother
Gardner said to the congregation: " Plcasr re-
member breurcn, dat none OF US kin take our
came back empty, and Brother Gardner con
timed: ..But it 'pearS to me dat dis crowd is
gwinc to try mighty hard to do it."
4 venerable but eccentric member Of the Pres
bytcfv lately, in attempting to get into the
packet -boat, fell into the canal. lie was drawn
out half drowned, and conveyed 10 house in
the nrivllborho.,l, where he was put to bed.
..Will yc take some spirits aud water sir"
asked lis considcrlte lust. INA. ma! have
had plenty o. water for one day; I'll take the
spirits alone"
A boy Of 5 years was ''p1aying railroad y with
his sister Of two and half years. Drawing her
upou foot-stool he imagined himself both the
engine and conductor. Alter initiating tue pun, p
ing noise Of the steam, he stopped and called
out s'New York." and in a moment after Pat
crson," and then Phiiadelphia.n His knowl-
edge OF towns was now exhausted, aud ut the
next place he cried, "Hea1en." His little sis
ter said eagerly, "'Topt des I'll dit out here.
An old negro named Pete was very much
troubled about his sins. 20, n,assa, I'm s'ch q
grcut sinuer!" But. Petc,'' said his master,
..you are foolish to takc it So much to heart. =
j. know dc reason. inassa,' said Pete. when
YOU 60 uuck-shooting and kill one duck and
| wound another, don't you run after de woundec
| ing what WAS coming ncxt.' "Well, massa- 1a'
! is lie way wild you and me; dc debbl has got
YOU, stlre hut as he ain not sure Oh me- he chase:
| dis chile all dc time"
| Church etiquette is considered BY tht
Christian uayust Of pittspury, Tex, whicl
| streuuously objects to carrying dogs to TIT
sanctuary, to s.the brother who spurtel ter
| making noise like Young cataract,' to th'
| fellow who WIS 50 lost to all scuse Ut the pro
prieties Of place ami t:tue as to stick his COW
| hdc shoes on the back Of the pew, and to tn
| had little siboy who l'lS t.1r wasp d0"tl tnt
| back Of L noddiny member: awaklug too SUD
| denly that dormant lnuiYidua1.'
t An cxeitablc young man once got religion
| an,] nj n rpyiyal-lneetti,g gave his experience