The Ottawa free trader., 1877-11-17
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

That is, counting since last January.
'He sworc like savings bank dcpositor
says a Chicago newspaper.
When do skipping lambs become like literar
volumes? When they become boundin' sheep.
The Danbury Ners advises 'Get your girl
white whale for Christmas" And very good al
vice it is, too; but what ridiculous way to sPcl
vail.
"a generous accumulation OF Ignorance" i
the mild way in which a Rochester paper charac
terizes the author of a recent article in n cotcm
porary.
sign ON a Rochester street reads, "Joscpl
smborn." We do not wish to denv the asser
ton, but we object to the grammar Of it.-Roch
ester DeROciNt
leave your razors home for fear you may ial
on them" is the warning at the end Of Tcnncs
see picnic hand-bill.
The Rochester An1cricda confessed TO having
called Vassar college (Which is really fine insti
tuition for young ladies' a sugar refinery. The
Philadelphia BNhtn now explain that all the
girls answer tout suit!
A London tailor has this sign in his window;
Above bar in Chicago may be read: "No trust
for English noblcmcn."
Gen. NOycs, our new Minister to France, is
becoming rapidly acclimatcd, and dated his last
letter ut "lIotcl dalby, corner Roo Shallo and
Zhong Eelysay."
A Kansas paper says: "A mule kicked an in
surancc agent in his check the other day. The
agents cheek was uninmrcd, but the mules
hOof was broken"
An Eastern editor throws up the sponge with
remark that sit doesn't pay TO run paper in
town where business men read almanacs and pick
thier teeth with the tail of a hcrring"-Er.
Let him come west, where they get even with
such business men by printing daily papers on
the used up stereotype plates of old almanaco,
A bright school girl claims that by analogy
Phtholognyrrh is the proper mode of spelling
Turner, and gives this table to explain her
theory:
Frst-Phh (as in phthisic) iS............... is ri
Second-oo Gas in coloncD is................URl
Thrd-gn (as in gnaD is. is..................... nj
Fourth--yrrh Gas in myrrh) is s............... .ER
Kelley has named his first motor "Thc Tramp"
because il won't work.-Gruphc.
ST. Louis paper is discussing the question,
Does 1t hurt man to hang him. OF course it
does; ii ruins him. Worcester Press
Profcssor-"In one evening counted twenty.
seven meteors sitting on my piazza" Class eX-
presses great astOnishmcnt at the socabc char |
acter of the heavenly bodies. TribuRc.
Some one has said that the art of being happy
lies in the power of abstracting happiness from
very common things" Perhaps that is why so
many try common drunk
We killed Lazarus, thr other day, and ate him.
Lazarus was our rooster. We called him Laza.
rus because he fed on the crumbs that fell from
the rich mans table!,y!!!Yl-Rankakec Goscttc.
Now, see here, sonny, that 30 not lprd to do.
just listen: We killed Robinson, the other day, |
and ate him. Robinson was our rooster, We
called Robinson because BObinsOn Crusoe,?E,!!yl
thdmpdjgn Gazette.
Next you will see some silly paragraplcr put
il in this way: We killed John the other day.
John was our rooster, We called him John be-
cause, when nicely done ON the spit, he was John
BrownQ
The best way TO court a country girl is to cul.
tivate acquaintance Bnrijagton Ha,ckeyc. And
tell If she marrles him he'll never thrcsher.-Sua
day Times And the best way to make her happy |
is TO start her a-cradling g.-Pnasylrun ijyuS. !
TO keep her out of mischief have her also do the
sewing,
II is said that the Chinaman il incapable of
Civilization. Facts disprovc this assertion. Al
Chung had been working in San Gabriel, Cal,
and received check for $l5l. The figures were
raised by Chung to $95l, and the amount was
paid on demand at the Farmers and Merchants
Bank Of Los Angeles. No trace Of the Chnaman
bas since been discovered,
The wife of All Fat va, the belle of Cinnamon
in Carson, Nevada. Quong Hing coveted her;
and 10 get her he hhcd five Cinnamon to make
pretcnce Of fighting in the street when All Fat
was close by and to kill him in way that would
gecm merely accidental. The plan was success.
lul, and the husband was fatally wounded by
what seemed to be stray bullet,
The first snow storm OF the season visited US
Monday forenoon, Nov D. The walks were rcn.
dered very slippery In consequence of the partial
melting Of the b S., and us old MIR. Sad.
dlebangcr with twobrooms and coal hod and an
ash pan rolled off the back steps he has heard to
heard TO cxclaim-COmc to think OF it, howcv-
er, the back door was shut and nobody heard
what he did say. This brief lesson should teach
all young people that liberty is preferable to
death, every time c.--hGakakse Gdzctte.
The negroes OF Philadelphia, at the late elcc.
lion In Pennsylvania, voted solid for the demo
cratic candidates; whercupon the good old re
publican Worth iinericdH, that had SO often up
held the intelligence and supreme fitness Of
Sambo "a voter, hcaycs deep sigh and says:
Thus ignorance and corruption 80 hand in
hand"
Election cuerc' is new gaIse at cards play
ed with the ordinary euchre pack, to which j,
added new card marked "Aliunde Joe"
Happy thought-A Bridgeport man wh'
doesn't like this idea Of running down to the eel
lar for coal has had box resembling pian
fitted up as a receptacle in his front parlor.
"mgersoll,n says the Cincinnati Com"i'icio
could get along beautifully with Bismark. The
have the same religion
young gentleman inquired in a store serve
by lady clerks for ''undres.ed gentlcman's kids,
snd wondered why the ladies gigglcd.