The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-12-27

PASSING SMILES.

THE man who would like to see
you-The blind man.
THE Russians took Kars in 1928, 1884,
1855, and now again in 1877.
How to make a catfsh-Leave her
alone In a room with an aquarium.
SOONER seek to blend oil and water,
or fire and water, than love and wisdom.
THE most ludicrous epitaph we ever
met with is to be found at Pewsey in
Bedfordshire 1t runs in this wise:
HE who breads giving light to the
people is like man who builds house
without windows for fear of lightning.
THE times are so hard in some parts
of the West that the clergymen an
nounce they will marry folks in clubs of
tenor twenty at much reduced rates.
WE are always clever with those who.
imagine we think as they do. To be
shallow you must differ with people; to
be profound you must agree with them.
A CHUNK of wisdom from Josh Bill
ings: "Don't despise your poor rela-
tions. They might get rich some time,
and then it would be so hard to explain
things"
THE editor of a child's paper received
a letter from lady subscriber recently,
in which was written: "Our Annie
died last week, after reading the last
number of your valuable paper" -
TwENTY-oNE freshmen were sus-
pended from an English college because
a professor couldn't find out who placed
a ten-ounce tack in his chair. He, how
ever, knew all about who sat down on it.
''Here lies the body of
Great @ niece .1f' Of Burke, commonly
Naiieu 'iit S5s ouosihe' ros n. - H---
Bland, passionate, and deeply religious
Also she painted in wa er-co1ors,
And sent several pictures to the Exposition.
She was first cousin to Lady Jones,
And of such is the kingdom of Heayen."
GA THOUSAND towels were stolen this
summer" writes wel1-known Saratoga
landlord; "boarders show fondness
for all sorts of furniture, but especially
towels" They love not wisely, but
towel
THE Petersburg Sun wants to know
"What is the use of a teacher who don't
teachP' And now how thin an argu-.
ment is that! Doesn't the wisest body
of Lawmakers in the world choose for
their Speaker the man who isn't expected
to speak? =,
THE idea of comparing man to
worm probably originated in the fact
that if woman finds one of the latter
crawling near her, she is disposed to
make as much fuss over it as she does
over her first beau.
A MEDDLEsoME old woman was sneer-
ing at a young mothers awkwardness
with her infant, and said: 81 declare a
woman never ought to have baby un-
less she knows how to handle itp' "Nor
a tongue, either" quietly responded the
young mother.
." WHICH President wore the biggest
hat ?" asked Normal School girl of ex-
State Treasurer Mackey the other even
ing. Bob guessed several times unsuc-
cessfully, and then the bright-eyed Miss
said: g Why the one that had the big
gest head, to be sure" "rlz,s aas II ~.
WHEN he was young man he rushed
into burning building and gallantly
dragged her out by the hair of her head.
now she rushes in and drags him out by
like it. Such is true 1oye.---
A SHoRT-LINE. engineer informs a
correspondent of, the Madisonville (Ky.(
Times that young man with his head
out at the car window went to kiss his
grandmother goodbye, and the train
pulled out SO fast that he kissed an old
negro woman at the next station.
THE NEW DAY.
| When the great sun sets the glad East aHame,
For day ses nris It, he night
| And mocIs the lights that twinkled tf1I became.
| The waning moon retires in sudden shame,
And all the air, from TOSeate hel90t TO 1e1ght,
| Quivers with wings of birds that take the light
| With jubilant music of one tender name.
| So theu hast risen thou who art my day,
| And every lesser light has ceased 70 shine;
Pale stars, confronted by this dawn Of thine,
Like night and gloom and grief have passed away,
And yet my bliss | fear to call it mine,
Lest fresh foes lurk with unforeseen dismay:
Louise Chandler Moulton.
OLD Mr.. Meriden had been married
forty-three years, when his wife died last
week. He didn't. appear to miss her
very much until bedtime, when he sat
down and stuck out his foot for some
body to come and pull off his boot And
then, when his son-in-law coldly handed
him the bootjack, the full weight of the
irreparable loss he had sustained broke
upon the. old man, and he gave.way to
flood of tears. AS for the bootjack, it
had been so long since he had seen one,
he didn't know how to use it.
BARRIERE, the French dramatist,
once decided to kill himself, loaded his
pistol and called in friend to receive
his dying wishes. The friend did not
attempt to dissuade- him, but calmly
jotted down the dying wishes, then,
while Barriere was. writing a farewell
letter, took up the pistol and began .ex-
amining it. 1t was cooked and the
muzzle was pointing directly at Bar
riere. The intending suicide ducked
under the table with remarkable agility,
CRYING: clock out! The thing is
loadedl You'll be shooting me the first
thing you know"