The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-09-22
VARIETY.

Ralph Waldo Emerson is probably the great
est Of American philosophers. He had two
wives within five years.
a hard money journal says that the policy
of the government should be to pay up. We
Ike paid up policies.
In London helpIessly drunken people are
called I" infants'' by the police. Why not call
the police baby jumpers7
According to the latest social lexicon, " sus-
picion is a sentiment which incites us to search
for something which we do not wish to find"
The next morning after champagne dinner
ths.e is nothing better than having your hair
cEampooned, we have heard.
An exchange, in answer to a correspondent,
eaqs There is no harm, per Sc, in mans
kisr:no his wife's sister, We suppose that
means if a man s wife don't per se-ive him in
the act.
German lost his wife; and the next week
married again; his new wife asked him to take
her out riding. He answered Indignantly, "You
tink l ride out NIT another woman 30 soon after
the death of mine frau p
ss Soak is the only japanese equivalent of
baptize,'' and the japanese Bible consequently
reads, according to religious paper, the Al
liance, /" In those days came John, the soaker,
preaching in the wilderness, saying, Repent and
be soaked, every one OF you
TRor IT SLoW.-An insane woman rose in the
Congregational Church at West Meriden, Conn.,,
last Sunday and screamed out at the top of her
yoice to the organist, who had just began to
play: '' adjure you In the name OF the Lord
God Almighty to trot that hymn slow" 1t was
80 trotted
The drowned oyster has had his brief day at
the church festival, and now the next martyr, a
solitary strawberry, warehoused between two
enormous slabs of dough, goes travelling around
under the hollow wicked alias of short-cake, and
do orDaiai I'M ikl MIN traa
Hartford, Conn, is shocked at the discovery
that the Chinese Commissioner, who lives in fash
ioneble quarter of the city, rejoices In the pos
session of more wives than New England custom
or piety permits. He has fallen back on bis di-
plonatic privileges, and Hartford does not see
exactly what can be done about it.
When an enthusiastic editor describes bride
as bonny, and an enyious composition sets it up
as bony, as was done at Jacksonville the other
day, hope for a season bids the world farewell,
and freedom shrieks as the compositor falls at
his form, Drained by the brother Of the blooming
bride.
Burlington Ravkeye: ss Tur'be strike down
town" remarked South hill man, in an explain
atory tone of countenance, as he crawled vaguely
into bed at 8 A. NJ. IS All roleraid shops shutup.
Dreffel excitements. Working-men all on a
strike And his loving wife shifted the sur
rounding atmosphere suspiciously before she re-
plied ss Yes l should think by the way it
And then he gave himself dead away by explain
ing that he had to chew cloves for his asthma.
A Chicago mans young wife entertained him
With selection from Wagner, after which he
expressed himself as resigned to 60 to bed, where
he slept very soundly Towards midnight cats
assembled in the back yard and yowled fearfully.
The sleeper did not get up and throw boot-lacks
at them, but turned on one elbow and whispered
in his dreams - Sing it once more, Elyira !:
sing it once more" She sings it no more neither
anything else, but thinks of beating her piano
into kndling wood, and turning her music book
into curl papers
An exchange tells us that John G. SAKE, when
wriling, sits with his chair tipped back and his
feet against some object. Quite correct. Presi-
dent Hayes always writes with his head in a
bucket of water with his left elbow resting on
his big toe. Anna Dickinson invariably COM
poses in O recumbent position, with striped
stockings and a crown of thorns on each ankle,
and carries her ink-bottle in her right ear. g.
W. ChiIds can't get inspiration for his obituaries
unless placed in a coffin hermetically sealed, with
copy of the Sun for pillow VIM. NJ. Evarts
writes in balloon with a horse-brush on blue
blankets, and uses Stockholm tar in preference
to ink.
SPECIMEN BLUE LAws.-A General History Of
Connecticut was issued in England in 1871.
The author compelled to flee from Connecti-
cut on account of his opposition of the Blue
Laws. He sent number of copies of it into
Connecticut, but its truthfulDess was so unpal-
liable to the Connecticuters that they collected
me copies and burned them, but truth has
an ugly habit of rising again even when burned
10 ashes. In March last a copy was sold for
one hundred and fifteen dollars. The work is
now printed by the Appletons, with notes
and additions substantiating the authors state
nents. The following are some Blue laws pllo-
red in the book:
/" No food or lodging shall be afforded to q
Quaker, Adamite, or other Heretic
If any person turns Quaker he shall be
Danished and not suffered to return uuon main
Of death. F
g No Priest shall abide in the Dominion. he
shall be banished and suffer death on his retnrn
Priests may be seized by any one without a
Harrant.
IS No one shall read common-prayer. keen
Christmas or Saints-day, make minced pies.
lance, play cards or play on any instrument of
music except the Drum, Trumpet and Jewsharp.
IS No ono shall the Sabbath-day, or
9alk in his garden or elsewhere, except reVer-
ontly to and from meeting.
's No one shall travel, cook Victuas, make
beds, sweep house, cut hair or shave on the Sab
bath day.
s. No woman shall kiss her child on the Sab
bath or fasting day.
sNo man shall court maid in person or By
letter. without first obtaining the consent of hel
parents. s5 penalty for the first offensive 9lC
for the second and for the third, Imprisonment
dnring the pleasure of the Court.-Peters' Hsto
re- Of Connecticut.