Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1877-11-20
$500 F STREET, n. w,
WASHINGTON, D. c., October 8, 1877.

| $500 STREET, n. W,
| WASHINGTON, D. c., October 8, 1877.
Most ARGENTINE SENATOR: Providence,
you know, designs some men for Senators,
some for advocating female suffrage, and
others for Government clerks. l was fitted
up by the Most High for one of the latter
class, and it's flying directly in the face of
Revelation when l am left out in the cold
while slender-legged young men from Skowhe-
gan catch flies off of Government desks. l
am the only person in Washington who wants
an Office, and l feel that ought to be cher
ished as a natural curiosity and put in de-
partment, so when strangers visit this part of
the moral vineyard they can gaze upon a
noble patriot whose soul is above lucre, and
whose principles are modelled upon those of
| istration.
Now, there's a show in the Interior Depart
ment, over which the philosophical Carl pre-
sides, and want to get before the Civil Ser
vice Examining Board so that | can let lose
some of my wisdom. The havoc | create
among common fractions will cause weak
minded persons to howl, and the consterna-
ton that will seize the different parts of speech
will make Lindley Murray crawl out of his
tomb and fill his coffin with tears. The geog
raphy of this country will undergo some
rather startling changes, and, Lord how the
confidence of the public will be shaken in
Daniel Webster as a constitutional expounder
when | tackle that ancient document The
only thing is to get before the board I've
got thirty-seven applications on file in the
various departments, and I've told them in
all sorts of ways that I'm nice young person
who would be an ornament to any well-regu-
lated office, but somehow or other they don't
seem to have that glowing faith in my declar
atoms which is so captivating in the heads of
Department; SO, therefore, I am still out in
the coldworld, and my autograph decorateth
not a payroll. Boss, were you ever Busted
broke-up a tree. Were you ever haunted
by wild-eyed grocers and pursued by the saw
age smiles of an unpaid landladyl Did ever
that time come to you when a dollar bill
looked like an Iowa cornfeld, and fve-cent
nickel was as hard to raise as chunk of pig
iron? Did it ever occur to you in your career
that saloon keepers confidence in your
promise to pay was as full of holes as a cane
sell you to paper-makers? l am one of those
fellows Unfortunately I'm not the man who
first introduced Hayes to the notice of the |
public; I'm not the original Jacobs,
and, though Walker, alas, | am not ''Nne- |
gar Bitters" Walker, who had barrels of |
money Therefore, oh, silver mouthed Sen
ator, | lack Influence. Get me into the
interior, and that Department will secure the
services of clerk who will never resign when
mother war comes on and leave the Govern
nent in a lurch, and Carl can go to the
Schuetzen park and drink beer in peace and
AVE his mind easy, knowing that [ will run
Kings on a strictly civil service basis.
If l can't get clerkship I'll open doors,
oysters, canned tomatoes or anything else
hat comes handy. I'd like job of licking
postage stamps, | believe myself especially
ualifed to sit out in a hall in a chair, or I
7ould be simply invaluable as man to absorb
he time of book canvasers, SO that Carl
Tould have an opportunity to get his teeth
epaired after cussin' the clerks in his native
If [ were bossing pen in the In
erior Department I'd shed lustre upon his
SO to speak, and remote gen
rations would name their children after the
ian who got me in.
I'd like to get mortgage on your good
ord with brother Schurz It don't make any {
iference about your not knowing me-you
ont know anything about half the fellows
HON you recommend for places, and I'm not
rejudiced against you on that account.
If I have not said anything about my want
z clerkship in the Interior Department,
I'd that I'd like to have you speak to the Secre-
ry in my behalf, then beg leave to convey
lat impression to you in as diplomatic way 4
possible. I
In sunshine or shadow, joy or sorrow,
unk or sober, | am, sir, very respectfully,
'ur obedient servant, G. G. WALKER.