The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-08-11
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


Blood.n the rear was brought up 10y procession
of gamins, with a tin pan by way OF aruh'' """
bearing huge paper banner on Wlich was ~
scribed, in clumsy letters the work OF an I'icipi
ent stencil artist, 1--WE don't want breaa-"c
want Cake and Pie-or Blood!'
A Roston drummer left a neighborlng hotel III
dienantly the other day because al dinner "nci
ne called for corn the waiter asked MN Whe'her
he would "haye it in the ear
Kankakee, according to the Ga@tte, boasts
watering place with at least one permanent ten
ant. 1t is at the railroad tank.
Wiping the sweat from his corrugated prov,
tramp exclaimed 80 for lodge in some vast
wildernessn 81 would gladly owe for such a
lodge for both of us" said his companion, III
anybody would trust me-"
There is nothing that is calculated TO break
ones confidence in man sooner than tosee Muir
phy adherent with his vest pocket full OF cloves
The OH City Derrick is of the opinion, upon
mature consideration, that thunder cloud VIII
follow picnic around like a sleuth hound
mo newspaper man ever had the govt
ChampaigH Gazette, All, Gawge, wrong AGAIN
That last dish Of green corn at dinner Yesterday
yaye us the worst case Of gout we ever had
HoopeSton Ch,onicle
Some slang is awful. st. Louis Rlub''can
reporter overheard two Of the heroic defenders
of the city on picket duty during the late disturb
ance. discussing the various incidents growing
out of their courtships when one of them said:
my sis and had fearful old racket the other
night. | was buzzing her like snoozer, when
she kicked, and had to give her big talk; but
it wouldn't stick, and | had to fiji her ear with
molasses."
The Charter Oak Life Insurance Company,
which has been under a cloud for several months
past, energies into the cugent sunshine Of UNI
limited public confidence by having re-organized
with Marshall Jewctt as president Jewctts
honesty is settled by the fact that he was kicked
out Of Grants cabinet.
An exchange tells of "a sweet little goose Of a
"Trip who has sued an old fellow in Michigan
for breach of promise OF marriage, claiming SO,
600 damages. If the sweet little goose" gets
the old Michigandcr'- money, she will have fcath
cred her nest very handsomely LoHtSr0F totT
icrJonjnm
The "sweet little goose" merely wants the old
cander to lay the golden egg and it's agn ma
ture.-TiDtcS.
stroke of lightning the other day tore ooy's
boot all to pieces and didn't harm the boy. The
reason was that he had placed the boot under
tree and gone IN swimming
The kind Of verses that are read in Kentucky
school exhibition:
$50, my SON. and Shut the shutter
This heard mother utter.
shutters shut 'thc boy did muttcr,
~ can't shut il any shutter"
Arrangements are being made for a series Of
outdoor gospel temperance meetings, to com
mence next Sunday afternoon, in the court house
squarc.-Djr0a SIM.
Now what is a gospel" temperance mccting?|
Over in Canada they have Pauline" temperance
societies, that allow little for the stomach's
sake. Do the "gospccrs" mean something of
that kind?
4 mosquito ought to be a capital Bokcrpaye
every time he draws he tls.--Lr, win some
club man please indicate TO us the point of that
jokey
Jubal Early is facetious. lie recently told a
Pennsylvania ut Sulphur Springs that the city of
York, Pa, still owes him 81 400, with interest
on the assessment of 100000 made during his
war raid, and that he proposes to put the account
in the hands OLA collector.
The Sheridan Nocg Letter forfeits all claim to
respect for loyalty as republican sheet by speak
ing of them as american citizens Of African
scent"
The Sterling Shu.idra gets off the following
There is nothing like consistency At Il sale Of
the effects of the Sterling Burial Case Company,
Stein one of the wholesale liquor men, purchased
I Dnn hain Il. hat Ia.
was going to do with them, he said ~ would use
them in the place Of chromos that when man
bought five gallons Of whisky, he would present
him with a coffin
New York Sun: Col. Robert lngcrsoll, while in
California last month, had his faith in the story
Of David and Goliah much refreshed by the spec
tacle Of man weighing $50 pounds holly pur
sued by an cyaspcracd humblebcc.
LoSGINGs
While striker riot on the rail
From ocean through 10 ocean
While dire confusion swclls the gale,
And armies are In motion,
Her gallant chicftain. tried and brave,
Alas Columbia misses.
And crics'across Atlantics wave,
3" See hcrel come home, Ulysses"
". y. Commercial idnriaJ.
And while through freight house, cars and track,
The strike us rugged path hews,
Columbia hears behind her back,
Fear not; here's Stanley Matthew
-Hurlgy,.
After q Wisconsin editor has been ont all night
hunting breakfast FOR the darling little ones, he
sets down IN the early dawn and writes: Some
low-lived, miserable, lantern, jawcd knock .kuccd,
oontemptihle thieyng cuss goes proving round
nights seeking where he may rob somobody's
chicken coop
brakeman states his grievances thus: II
earned as brakeman $500; my actual expenses
,erc s5T.2s-conscquentlyI find | am behind
just S2Os and we lived just as economical as pos
sile." Well, if the grocer can stand the $2Os.
what's tiedifirncc?
4 gentleman in England committed suicide.
the other GAY, and left paper stating that e did