The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-05-31
WIT AND hUMOR.

SINGUnAR-TO see a garden walk.
A MOTTO for young lovers-So-fa and
no father.
How TO take life easy-Be careless
with petroleum oil
WE notice that the prevailing style of
oath is the same as Sworn last year.
THE proper costume for a lady to wear
at mechanics ball is dress made of
tu1le
KING DAVID was troubled with chills
-9aalo-chills. He had at one time seven
hundred of them.
A CERTAIN young musician is so
squeamish that he refuses to play on
anything but an upright piano.
IF it were not intended that women
should drive their husbands why are
they put through the "bridal'' ceremo-
ny.
ARE blacksmiths, who make living by
forging, or carpenters, who do little
fitting, any worse than men who
sell iron and steel for living?
DIoGENEs being asked, ''The biting
of which beast is the most dangerous %
answered eff you mean wild beasts, It's
the slanderer; if tame ones, thefatterer.
The man who wins a Centennial prize,
and who don't advertise it, is as bad as
the man who buys $4,000 oil
painting and then presents it to blind
asylum.
A CONTEMPORARY wonders whether Cain
and Abel ever hrd the mumps or the
whooping- cough. Very probably. It's
certain, at all events, that their mother
had Adam.
IT was a little 3-year-old who, when
carpenter had been called in to ease the
doors, ran into an adjoining room to tell
her mother that he was taking the skin
off the door,"
A THIEF explained to the Judge that
he had left the premises "under an
impulse to righteousness. " The testi-
mony showed that he had been kicked by
a man with a No. II boot
CLONES the place for boys" said
stern parent to his son, who was fond of
going out at night. "That's just what
[ think when you drive me off to school
every morning, said the son.
WHEN young farmers wife made her
first boys pants precisely the same be-
fore as behind, the father exclaimed
Goodness he won't know whether he's
going to school or coming home p
elbow CAN you make st. Patrick
saint in your church when he lived and
died in mine ?" said Scotchman to a
son of Erin. "Och, now," he replied,
sand ye know he was both, for he was
twin"
THERE is said to be a church in
Berlin made entirely of paper.
The idea is carried out by having little
pages to introduce visitors to the quire,
while the preacher is known as the
2oapier-masher of the pulpit.
BEGGAR-woMAN-" Please, sir, give
me few pennies. I haven't tasted food
for nigh on to two days" Philanthropic
gentleman" Can't stop; ann late now;
have got to make speech at the Society
for the Relief of the Destitute p
The happiest moments in woman's
life are when she is making her wedding
garments the saddest, when her hus-
band comes home late at night, and yells
to her from the front steps to throw him
out some keyholes, assorted sizes.
NOTHING like truthfulness in vendor.
Recently an itinerant bookseller called
at house in Pennsylvania, and, after
showing several works unsuccessfully,
said !: "Here, sir, is a Bible. First
rate book; full of useful Information :"
"WHAT we need is new men and new
measures SAID politician to an old
darkey. "Yes, OATS so, boss,' said the
ancient African, "de groceryman doesn't
give us but bout nine quarts to de peck
and I goes in for de new measures, you
bet"
The war between Chicago and st.
Louis is being carried too far. A Chi
cago paper says: "Last Tuesday, while
a St. Louis young woman was putting on
a pair of ball-slippers, she found miss
ing sealskin jacket in the toe Of one of
them"
Sr1Ne1 AUNT: "Well, Robin, have
you enjoyed yourself?" Robin: "Oh,
yes, aunt but I wish I hadn't come.
Brother Jim is sure to cry halves when
I get home, and when I say you didn't
give me nothing, he'll punch my head
for story"
ssBoYs,' said the teacher, holding up
her right forefnger to make the scholars
attentive, g What is Indian-meal COM
posed of ?" And a little boy in the back
seat who wore patched trousers, got up
and said, "Please, ma'am, roast mis-
sionaries.'
AN athletic specimen Of the Emerald
Isle called on awharfingerfor a job. s'The
top O the mornin' to ye, Muster P. /;
I've been told that ye're in want of help"
"T've but little to do" replied p, with
mercantile gravity. Sim the very boy
for yees It's but little I care about
doino-it's the money Tn afther. s11re =