The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1877-08-30
TROUBLE IN THE CHOIR.
BY A. T. wORDEN.


There was something so unusual in the singing
OF the choir
That the Elder looked up mildly from the tenth
jeremiah.
And with readjusted eyeglasses looked along the
foremost row,
While hundred necks were twisted in stare
from all below.
As before the rolling thunder comes Ia distant,
wailing moan,
There was presage OF disturbance in the very
organs tone.
Just the popping OF the pickets. ere the battles
awful din;
Or the tuning OF the fiddles ere the orchestra
begin.
An unprejudiced observer might have seen with
half an eye
There as waiting an explosion that would blow
them all sky high.
Or spontaneous combustion. to accept n oderate
name,
That was waiting Just motion to burst forth in
fame.
The Soprano sat in grandeur, with her book be
fore her face,
With her back comb turned in anger ON the Alto
and the Bass;
While the tenor stood beside her with an eleva-
ted nose,
And the organist paved madly at the pedals with
- his toes.
How could any one but Angels sing when they
were feeling so,
Though the hymn was "Songs of Gladness," they
would make it sounds of Woe"
When we sing about devotion, some devotion We
must feel.
Or our plaintive tones of worship will partake
somewhat of squeal.
But the Alto sung her solo, and then left it to the
Bass,
Who was gnawing at his mustache, and was look.
ing for the place;
While the organist in anger. sung the leading
part alone,
And the tenor tried to follow. but it ended in
grOan.
As the horror stricken people heard the discord
rising higher.
It was patent to the simplest there was trouble in
the choir.
And the erganist. in fury, closed the organ with
crash,
And the Alto sobbed in anguish that the choil
had gone to smash.
When the Elder went among them with view II
reconcile;
The Soprano told her story with "a sanguinar,
smile;
1t appeared the wretched Chorister had intro
duced girl
With brand-new style of singing, and mos
distracting curl.
But to cap the bitter climax. this usurper wore
hat.
Just a duck. a gem. beauty, and it made the res
look fat:
And the straw that broke the camel's back anf
made the wreck complete
She came early Sunday morning, and usurped the
leading seat
When the Elder asked the Tenor why he left. 1t
said Because
The Soprano said his chest-tones sounded lust like
filing saws,
And he overheard the Alto one night whisper t,
the Bass,
That man with such mustache was palpabl
Disgrace.
And the Bass informed the Elder that he sacri
feed his Views
When he came and Joined the Elders choir. tt
help fill up his pews,
He was an Episcopalian and II the people though
he'd take
Any nonsense from Baptist. they had made
great mistake.
Then the Organist and Alto lboth put on an in
jured look
Saying something in an undertone about change
} of book;
And the Elder overheard them, IS he gently closed
the door,
Use the words. "a Poor Old Fogy." and "a senti
mental Bore"
And he scratched his poor old noddle, as he am
bled down the street,
With his spectacles ON forehead and his slipper
on his feet;
And really think the Elder has a hope OF pour
ing oil
On the troubled sea OF music to allay the sad tur
moil.
In the meantime service opens with old "China'
or "Bethune,"
And the Deacon with his tune fork gives the PEG
pie all the tune;
And the Organ gathers cobwebs, and the peopl
gather grace,
While they roar out Coronation" to the Deacon
hoarsest bass.