The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-10-12
WIT AND HUMOR.

AFFECTION which is never reciprocated
Neuralgia affection.
THE most costly jewelry the Russians
can boast of are their Turk wars.
WHAT letters of the alphabet are most
like a Roman Emperor? The C's are.
MAN glories in his strength; woman
glories in her hair; butter glories in
both.
New YORK is still exercised about
swill milk. Why don't she try the udder
kind?
RUSSIA is going to let another loan.
She should have let Turkey alone in the
first place.
A GIRL may read about heaven all her
life, but she never has anything like a
correct idea of it till she gets her first
beau.
A WRITER says that when a swimmer
gets the cramp he should turn his toes
toward the knee. Another good way is
to turn your toes toward the middle OF y,
the pond and paw for the nearest dry
land.
"DEATH is sad thing" remarked a
Schenectady woman as she stood beside
an open grave. "Yes, poor thing" re-
Piled another, "how he did like to sit
down to good boiled dinner where the
pork was just right"
"IT was simply an informal affair"
wrote the editor of little strawberry
party at neighbours house. cit was
simply an Internal affair."" read the COM
positor, and that editor will never get
any more invitations from that quarter.
MONTGOMERY SEARS, of Boston, was
married few days ago, and gave his
bride wedding present of residence
costing $4,000. Mr.. Sears, we under
stand, is not newspaper paragrapher,
and some persons may be at loss to
know how he accumulated so much
wealth. Norristo,on Herald.
SOMEBODY writes to a Chicago news
paper to complain because the President
of one of the plundered savings banks
closed it as soon as he did, and says:
"They say he could have held out from
six to seven minutes longer, as the bank
hao $62, to say nothing of the odd 81
cents, which might have prolonged its
existence a quarter of minute longer
after the $50 had been exhausted
DRIFT HUMOR.
He packed his yalise In his bedroom,
Then carefully raised the sash,
And attached to the well-woru handle
The end of long whip-lash.
Softly he lowered the treasure
And thought how the landlord would swear
When he arose in the morning
And found that his man wasn't there.
Slowly the valise descended rf
Into the darkness of night,
When the voice of the landlord shouted:
- Let go; I've got ii all rghtw r
oil City call
THE circus is coming again, and once
more we will have the pleasure of wit
Messing the cheerful spectacle of seven
church members taking one little two
year cid child "to see the animals. 81
didn't go into the circus department,
said good deacon after the last moral
show was here, "but / dropped in to
look around the menagerie a few mo-
ments with my little grandson and L
do think the man that tied his legs in
bow-knot round his neck and then
crawled through hoop was alone worth
the price of admission"
THE LATEST CURIosITIEs.-A fence
made from the ratings of a scolding
wife. A plate of butter from the cream
of a Joke. The small coins in "the
change of the moon" The original
brush used in painting the signs of the
times. The latest contract with the
trade-winds. The chair in which the
sun sets. A garment for the naked eye.
A buckle to fasten on laughing-stock.
| The animal that drew the inference. An
egg from the nest of thieves. A bucket
of water from "All's well. Soap with
which man was washed overheard.
The strop which is used to sharpen the
waters edge. A portion of the yeast
used in raising the wind. The saucer
belonging to the cup of sorrow. Hinges
and locks for the trunk of an elephant.
A feather from the wings of a flying re-
port
AS ONE of the curiosities of itera-
ture connected with watches, we may
cite the following, which can be seen in
the church-yard at Lydford, Devonshire,
England, and is something in the style
of Benjamin Franklin's celebrated cpl
taph:
! Here lies in a horizontal position
The outside of
George Routledge, Matchmaker.
Integrity the main spring and prudence the
| regulator of all the actions of his life;
| Humane generous and liberal,
His hand never stopped till he had relieved dis
| tress; UuI
! never rent Urong
Except when set dgoing by people who did not
know his key; 90
| Even then he easily set right again.
| He had the art of disposing o. his time so well
| That his hours glided away in one continued
| round Of pleasure,
! Till in unlucky moment his pulse stopped
| beating.
He doWn Nov a. 1902, aged 81,
| In hopes of being taken in hand by his Maker,
| Thoroughly cleaned, repaired, round up and set
| -..u l.. q
more.
A RascaIly Treasurer.