The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-08-31
WIT AND HUMOR.

VII AND uOMVhs
EPrrAPH for Highlander-"Im kilt
entirely"
SPIRIT Rapping-What drlinkard's
wife too often knows too much of.
IT took seven fiat cars to haul news
paper mans appetite to Kentucky
picnic.
THE man who carries cheap umbrella
has not that regard for his fellow-clti-
zens which is desirable.
LIZ you think you are too tall, marry an
extravagant woman, and you will soon
find yourself short enough.
AN old bachelor says that the talk of
women is usually about men; even their
laugh is but "He he he !"
AN aged African, describing how he
felt when he took hold of galvanic
battery, said : "My voice chung to my
jaws"
A ooLoRED minister in Kingston told
his sable hearers that they "must knuckle
down to the Lord on their knuckle-
bones"
WHY should the statue of the Colos-
sus of Rhodes have been considered an
equestrian one? Because it bestrode
noble bay.
81 SHOULD have no objection to my
wife S reigning," said an affectionate hus-
band, if it were not the fact that when
she reigns she is apt to storm also"
ga SOFT answer turneth away WRATH"
yet man caught by his wife dealing
soft answers to pretty widow next door
says he can show scars to prove that the
proverb didn't work well in his case.
Nor less than sixteen brass bands COM
peted in q tournament at Rocky Point,
and the very CLAIMS got up, turned over
in their beds, and howled with agony,
adds the New York Commercial Adver-
tiser.
FIRST reflection" Really, I'll either
have to quit alcoholic drinking or stop
my newspapers. Expenses must be
curtailed" Second reflection" Well
the newspapers don't amount to much
anyhow. "-Derrick.
This is the way the Minnesota
Changers are delivering themselves in
communications to the local press
sound the loud timbrel
Ger valley and plain;
The locusts have left,
And We harvest the grain.
TN poor man, and my father was
cooper" said an opponent of Tom Mar
shall upon one occasion. doubtless
his father was COOPER" replied Tom,
"but he put a mighty poor head onto
one OF his whisky barrels. "-NsW York
Tribune.
CREAM and peaches week,
Kiss your girl on the right-hand cheek
Apples green and apples dried,
Kiss her on the other side.
Ashland Rerietc.
That evinces wretched taste
Take your girl about the waist
Lift her to her pink toe-tips
And plant it squarely on her lips.
-FrankJOrt feomsn.
A GENTLEMAN in search of suburban
home visits house in the country.
"The outlook is not all that it might
be-" remarked he. "Oh, sir, how can
you say that ?" exclaimed the proprietor.
"Why, it commands view of the rail-
way station" Very, true, noticed that;
but don't think that mends the mat
ter" g beg your pardon, sir. It's
very gay outlook; one sees all the people
that miss the train"
A scRUPULoUs Swampscott lady, who
abhOrs slang, when asked at the board
LnS-louSe tdDle why Ner uuSDhnu was
not down to breakfast, replied, bashful-
ly, "Oh, dear Willyim was upon "a
neck last night" ga what ?" said her
interlocutor. GA b-bosom," she ex-
claimed, coloring to the roots of her
hair. "a which ?" said he. "A-a--a
b-bust !" she whispered behind her nap
kin.-Sprinafeld Republican.
A RUSSIAN WAR SONG
We're coming Alexander at least a million more,
From kanveshaeja's bay and Obskalagouba's
shore;
From Karakouska's frozen wild, from Tymskaias
plain,
We're marching, Alexander, with all might and
main.
From Gatmousckino's forests from Tchernorbeskoi's
vale,
From wassigoubska's blooming fields, from Thuy-
skia's dale,
From Kakamajora's village, from Meidoucharkis
isle,
We're are coming, Alexander, the weary rank and
file.
From pollysylabic villages we're marching gayly
down,
And we're going to rot in Turkey to gid anew your
crown;
We're on to Adrianople, and fair STEAMBOAT we seek,
Aud we're headed by some General whose name no
tongue can speak.
From provinces and districts whose names before
the eye
Look like algebraic problems all tumbled into pin
The 'arolows and offskies" :" effs and - offs Fl"
and :" vtches,"
For Holy Church and pious Car will die in Turkish