Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-01-22
Hope is an anchor to the soul.

chew"
A teacher tainted the other morning.
and little girl, describing it. said:
"She was so tainted they couldn't come
her to-"
Milwaukee editor has had returned
tC him book borrowed twenty-seven
years ago, and begins to have hopes of
humanity. after all.
If man needs exercise, let him try
to collect bills. There are men whose
friendships are so slender that they only
call for fifteen cents C?)
A lazy fellow. falling q distance of
fifty feet. and escaping with only few
scratches, bystander remarked that he
was too slow to hurt himself.
The Chicago people feel kind o COM
forted, now that Mr.. Moody has said
that there isn't any kind of sinner in
Chicago but has representative in the
Bible.
Dentist to hysteric patient: Don't
cry. don't cry; if the neigbbors hear
you they will lose confidence in my sys.
tenn of painless xtractioR-BOstOn
Globe.
Tommy. of what fruit is cider made ?"
Don't know. SIR" why, what STU
pid boy What did you get when you
robbed Farmer Jones orchard ?" Il got
thrashing. sir -
Excuse me. madam; but l should
like to ask you why you look at me SO
savagely," SAID gentleman to a lady
at party. "Oh beg pardon, sir. |
took you for my husband -
Cider plays great part in Norman
wedding. A young girl is seated upon
full cask, and she must drink both the
first and the last glass it contained in
order to be married within year.
My dear" said husband to his
wife, on observing red striped stockings
on his heir, why hove y1------I---L--
ber's poles of our child's legs p BE
cause he is a little shaver" was the re-
ply.
Few men have strictly mathematical
mind. but we never knew one who could
not calculate within a sixteenth of an
inch where his nelghbors property began
when he was shoveling snow off his own
sidewalk.
A drunken Irishman. on being told
that his Incorporate habits would soon
make his poor wife widow, was quite
affected: Och, faith it I'D make me
the wretcbedest man in the world to see
Mrs. Coons widder 7"
A hundred years ago. when you call.
ed on girl she kissed you good bye
Now if you suggest anything of the sort
her father calls you into the library and
asks you what you are worth. Are we {
nation ? And is this progress?
You come well recommended, | sup
pose 2 said gentleman to boy whC
wanted an easy place. "Oh, yes. sir
the Imam | was with last recommended
me he recommended me to leave au,
get work more congenial to my disposi
tion."
A negro held COW while cross eye,
! man was to knock her on the head wit
an axe. The darkey, observing the man
!, eyes, in some alarm inquired, "Yo
gwine to hit whar you look ?" Yes.
den" said Cuffee, hold dis COW your
self"
There is said to be benevolent ger
tleman in Boston who gives 25 cents fc
:; religious purposes every time he swear
lie has already sworn a new steeple O
the Presbyterian church, and is now ell
gagged ''cussing" up gift to the Hon
$. Missionary Society.
Miss Stagg was married at Hornell
! vile, New York, recently The brid
Z groom had engraved on the weddir
re ring: Name ever deer to me" v
wish the happy couple all doe NEST
bliss. They are taking their weddir
, trip on buck board.
Up in Muscatine the musical and Ii
erary young men of the Unitarian chur,
organized the Muscatine Unitarian NJ
sical Philosophical Society but VIII,
7 the abbreviated title came out in pri
NJ. L. NJ. P. s.. it struck in on the a
led sociation and killed it.-Bwlingt
Howkeye.
. During a recent trial at Rockpo
Michigan. the judge interrupted the t
timony of lady witness. remarking Il
q" it was not relevant The lady raised |
head. and, with look of injured I'M
4 cence, inquired. well. sir, am tell
this story, or are you ?" The JUG
wilted.
Now is the time to make good reso
tions for the new year-especially in
morning. when you find the collar b
= ton from the back of your shirt is 60
all the pins bend up double, and y
wife calls up the stairs to say that bre
: fast is cold. and how much shall she
man for shoveling off the sidewalk
IEed Commercial Bulletin.
Z all MY friends" said retired missi
airy at one of the anniversary meetiI
ana ''let us avoid sectarian bitterness.
ieam inhabitants of Hindostan. where |
'nve been laboring for many years, hav
Ose proverb that though you bathe d
. tail in oil and bind it in splints yet
cannot get the crook out of it. No1
mans sectarian bias is simply the CT
: 's'o9 on in the dogs tail. which cannot be er
Isors. Gated. hold that every one should
= allowed to wag his own peculiarly
SSf peaee.-Er.