Middletown transcript., 1877-04-07
AnmorOns.

sunny day by predicting the worst
March weather for forty years. Yes
terday noon. when a man on the post
Office corner said be felt sure that spring
was at hand, along came one of the
GROWERS and put in:
IF we don't have a foot Of snow 10
March then you can call me fool !"
II don't know as | run this weather
any more than you do" slowly contin-
ued the FIRST, "but my share of it il.
going to be warm and | can lick you in
Just one minute"
He pulled off bis overcoat, spit on
his hands and demanded
Now, then, what's your share Of the
weather going to be 2"
The other hesitnted. looked in vain
for policeman, and replied: Il want
it hotter'n blazes."
"All right, then" said the other, as
be put OF bis coat, Pm going to walk
around this town and encourage an
early spring, and when | meet man
who sighs for snow I'm going to drop
my fist on bis left ear. Hooray for
strawberries and string beans !''-Free
Press
IT IsN'T So.-Mr Margary, the Bos-
ton missionary to China, either intend
ed to deceive or was basely mistaken
when he wrote to a Boston paper that:
"a kick and few words in bis own
tongue telling him be is an ignorant
boor viii make a common Chinaman
worship you" This item was copied
into Detroit paper, and after reading
it day or two ago a .cigar-maker de-
termined to try the experiment. He
had little grudge against Lung Sing,
that excellent Woodwork avenue wash
erman, and he laid for him. L. S was
passing Dufield's Church, bundle un-
der bis arm, when the cigar maker got
10 three or four tWo-mule kicks on him,
at the same time addressing the Celes-
tial on the subject of his ignorance
Men on the opposite side Of the street
saw the affair, but BY the time they had
crossed the street the eigar-maker had
been doubled up against the iron fence,
bis nose was bleeding, his lip cut, and |
be seemed to be suffering with broken
back, while the Chinaman, fresh as |
laisy. called out:
"Melican man wantee any morep
HENRY. duke of Buccleuch, was
greatly beloved by his numerous ten
lntry. One of them, yclept jamie
HOwie, had son about four years of
ige, who, having heard much Of the
great duke Of Buccleuch, was very anx-
GUS to see him. Honest jamie, being
IGNORED with a visit from the duke.
lofed his bonnet, made a profound
low, and said, "Oh, my lord, ye
DaunDa be angry wi me, but it's a
1eeven's truth, my lord, there's daft
zee Gallant O. mine that can0a rest, nor
et ithers rest, NIGHT nor day, he's ta'en
0 bis head sic notion O. seein' what
Ike you are. Gudesake, my lord,
lima think be has only idea ye are a
ian at a., but some farawa', outlandish,
wre-the-sea creature " The duke,
,ightily tickled with this fancy, desir-
d jamie to bring the youngster into
is presence forthwith. Out came the
lveDils inquisitor with his finger in
is mouth, and cautiously reconnoitered
be parsonage before him. At last
uoth the urchin, "Can ye SOON ?''-
No, my little fellow" replied his
race, 81 Gamma sOom." Can ye flee p
No. Gamma fee =" "Weel. man, for
S muckle's ye are. 1 wadna gle ane o
Ia fayther's dukes for ye, for they can
aith SOON an heeT'
IT is related Of Judge Davis that in
is circuit at indianapolis q lawyer
amed Ketehum was ready when his
ase was called, but bis opponent had
snt word that be could not arrive for
D hour or two. Ketchum insisted on
roceediDg at once. Judge Davis re-
Ionstrated in favor of the absent law
sr, but to no purpose. "Well," said
., finally, "if you insist upon going
D, Mr.. Ketchum. you have, Of course,
lie techDinal right to do so; but. if
ere you, | wouldn't urge the matter.
yer at Springfield, the other day,
lsre was just such case the lawyer
ould insist upon going on With the
ial, and SO had to look after the in
rests Of the other party myself-and
you know, curiously enough. We
sat him" Mr. Ketchum decided to
ait.
AT juvenile party one little fellow,
joicing in the splendor of his new i
othes, went up to another with the t
remark: "You amt dress
as well as | am "Well," retorted !
e other, Il can lick you. anyhow "
An invitation to q starving woman to
tend prayer meeting is not half as /
'od as a square meal. 1t is difficult
be a good Christian on an empty !
omaeh. I
Always fond of sport of every degree and ,
ID kind, a canny Scot had a wonderful bad
T that it was reported no dog would tackle.
owever, friend of his, ii was found, had a
'g that he proposed to back against tie bad
r. and match was in due course made for
e hundred pounds, TO come off in Q months
ne. As the day drew near, there we're ru-
ors that all was not right with the dog, and
e friends of the Scot were already congrat-
ating him on bis being in pocket. Imagine t
cir surprise, aud disgust too, at hearing d
at Mactavish had accepted fifty pounds as
ia lieu Of the hundred. "You've
en- done, Mac" said one of them "the dog
so NANCY and unfit be could not kill a rat"
II" returned Mactavish, II dare say-but :
7 badger is dead ''
A vcntriloquist fell overheard in Lake Erie
e other day, and was drowned. When the
7 of Help helpl" came from under the bull '
irks, the deck hands said" he couldn't fool
EN-, =" and went right on with their work. b
The heaviest snores we have heard of is the a
IN whose wife woke him up the other night, Il
ring tempest, saying she did wish he 8
'uld stop snoring, for she wanted to hear I