Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1877-01-11

Lord. "He grows wool, doesn't he r
"No, but his sheep does" (
"If you knew me, my lad, you would be
more respectful in your replies. | am a
friend of your fathers; my name is Lord"
"Oh!yes," exclaimed the astonished lad,
81 heard pop read about you in the Bible"
And starting of for the house on dead
run, he bawled at the top of his lungs: S
"Mother, mother, the Lord is out here on
horseback and has lost his way "-1sSas Pa
per.
A LOCAL CANvAss1NG BoARD.-They
were playing poker, and Pomp held full
hand. His eyes glistened with conscious tri-
umph as he put up ten cent ante and gazed
at his partner expectantly.
"I raises dat ten cents" remarked Pete.
81 goes quarter more" insipuated Pomp.
81 stand you, and raises another quarter"
replies Pete.
ii continues on de war-path, and Aops
down de. last thirty cents" answered Pomp,
placing six nickles on the table. agS
Il kivers de pile and calls you," remarked
Pete. T.
Full hand" said Pomp, turning his cards.
"What you got p Fs-r-
ga pair an de game am undecided"
whats dat Undecided Dis yer chile
takes de pile"
"Not by long chalk. Dis case will now
be referred to de cauvassing board, who will
examine into de particulars. Oars plenty
more good cards in de pack, and why didn't
I get 'em? Dar's been intimidation and
fraud, and meanwhile de canvassin' board
takes possession of de spoils;" and Pete
reached out his hand.
Then the other side denied the right of
the board to decide, and when the reporter
left the horrible demon civil war was dancing
a wild dance in the neighborhood, and a po-
liceman was marching up with club.
ONE-EIGHTH OR ONE.rwELFTH.-Because
he had not studied vulgar fractions, he suffer-
ed in the way thus described:
A Dutchman let his lands to an oil compa.
ny last spring, on condition Of receiving one,
eighth of the oil produced. The well proved
to be good one, and the farmer began to
think that the oil men should give him a bet.
ter chance, and ventured to tell them 80.
Ea~y ri ses.sd him what he wanted. He said
they ought to give him one-twelfth. The
agreement was finally made, with the under
standing that the Dutchman was not to tell
any one.
All went smooth until the next division
day came, when our friend was early on
hand to see how much better he would be off
under the new bargain. Eleven barrels were
rolled to one side for the oil men and one for
him. This did not suit him. "How's dish p
says he; II think was to get more es before.
Ry links Won make mistake"
The matters were explained to him, that
he formerly got one barrel of every eight,
\ but it was his own proposition to take one of
every twelve. This revelation took him
ahack. He scratched his head, looked cross,
and relieved his swelling breast of feelings OF
selfreproach by Indignantly remarking:
"WelI, by dunder, dat ish de first time as
ever / know'd eight was more as dwelve."
A CL1MAx.-An old man who owns stall
at the market, took notion, a few days ago,
to use his spare hours in bettering his educa'
tion. Procuring a spelling book, his face was
seen behind it whenever trade was dull. He
tired, however, of spelling the words to him
self, and engaged the services of boy about
thirteen years old, having the next stall, to
hear his lessons. Every thing passed of all
right for two or three days, and then storm
arose and climax came Holding the book
i. in both hands, the boy observed:
:. ave now come to the word welcome
How do you spell it?
"Well, I spell it, w-e-lk.u-m."
"Not correct" .
"K.o-m, then"
"No, sir"
"Then it's kim"
"No, sir"
"Boy, don't you lie to me-" warned the man.
81 guess I'll resign my Office" replied the
lad, as he laid the book down. "I've let you
go and spell cat with K, horse without an e,
boy with 8 double to it, because you are
old, and 1 didn't want to hurt your feelings.
But when you call me liar, and do not even
know how to spell the word, it is time for me
to resign ....
LIVELY LocAL1TY.-A good story is told
of all Irishman who gave evidence before q
Fishery Commission on the west coast OF
Ireland. Amongst other questions, as he
seemed rather discursive, and inclined to
\ aver anything, one of the commissioners
Masked him "if they had many whales there.
- it whalesS?" questioned Pat. "Sure ye
say seem by the dozen, spouting about like
wather.engines all over the place" Another
commissioner gravely asked if there were
many dog6sh.