South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-01-05
WIT AND HUMoR.

Anniemated and Benefited" was the
reply.
EHTIn Scotch Office the following
notice is posted where il can be seen bv
each caller: "Shut the door, and when
you have done talking on business serve
your mouth the same way" A writer
thus improves upon the notice: keep
Jour mouth shut when You read. when
yon write, when you listen. when you
are in pain, when YOU are walking, when
you are running, and by NIL means when
you are angry. The habit 10 difficult to
acquire, but improved health is worth
taking trouble abont."
~When Longfellow, the poet, was
introduced to MIR. Longworth, some one
noticed the similarity of the first sylla.
BILE Of the names. YES" said the poet,
"but in this case fear Popc's line will
apply, Worth makes the man the want
or it the fellow"
OLD ST ON THE NEeRo's FRANCHISE.
"A gentleman Of the hotel. says the
Atlantic Herald, after reading that only
nine hundred negroes in Fulton county
were entitled to vote, asked old 81:
"Why don't more Of the colored peo-
pie vote in this county,"
"kase dey hezn't bin up ter de cap.
tain's oils an put down de sugah."
81 don't quite understand
"Dey hezn't pade dc pole taxes, dars
what's matter"
"Ah, yes, and why don't they pay the
poll tax. when it is only one dollar2"
Fastly, 'kase dc dollar are not so
handy ez dc mought be, an sccund,
'kase ob dc dog tax princerpully."
Indeed, and would man prefer e.
dog to his vote?"
Il sees, sab, dat you is q stranger
down heah, an l has ter 'splain you dat
dc niger am berry preculier in his in.
1ections. When de musses of mig
gers hart gets twind roun' dog he fines
mo comfort in dat proputy dan in all
de votes dat yer could cram inter full
bushel baIlut box-an' OATS nirgor
'sperience, now"
The gentleman was thoroughly sat.
isled.
sB"Seo thercl" exclaimed a man
who had just had q contest with Geeinp
burglar, to gaping crowd as he point.
cd with some pride and good deal Of
nervousness to q bullet-hole through the
crown Of his hat. Look at that hole,
will you? You see that if this had been
low crowned hat should have been
killed outright
~ Mr.. Spurgeon doesn't believe in
keeping politics out of the pulpit. In
one of his prayers, lately, lie thus ex.
pressed himself "And, o God, give
our senators wisdom, especially at this
critical time. Let not the extraor,lina.
ry folly of our rulers lead our country
into war, and change our rulers, O God,
as soon as possible"
w Every man ought to have q wife.
III n man is happily married, that one
rib is worth all the other bones in his
body.
tVln town in Ma ssachusetts there
are three churches, the minister of each
OF which rejoices in the name OF Wright.
One lives in the upper part of town. one
In the lower, and the third nj the mills
SO the people have dubbed them as
"Upwrght," "Downwright," and Mill
wright"
Local RETURNING BoARp.-Tbev
were playing poker, aud Pomp held q
full hand. His eyes glstened with con
scions triumph rs he put up ten cent
ante &c gazed at his partner cxpectantlv
Il raises dat ten cents, remarked
Pete.
II goes a quarter more. insinuated
Pomp.
81 stand you and raises anuder guar
ter replied Pete.
II continue on de war path and aops
down de last thirty cents" answered
Pomp, placing six nicklos on the table
IL kiyers dc pile and calls YOU" re
marked Pete.
Full hand" said Pomp, turning his
card. What you got?"
"a pair, and de game am undecided
Whats dat? Undecided Dis yer
chile takes de pile"
Not by long chalk. Dis case will
now be referred TO de returnin' board,
clio ,,;ll o~o,,trc fotr, 10 ,,ort;ct.oto~e