The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-12-06
The Romance of a Sleeping Car.
TBurlinrton H,wk-Fya

1t was in the Cedar Rapids sleeper
Outside it was dark as the inside of
ink-bottle. In the sleeping-car people
slept.
0Etried it.
Some of them slept, like Christian
men and women, peacefully and sweetly
and quietly.
Others slept like demons, Indignantly
hideously, fendishly, as though it was
their mission to keep everybody else
awake.
Of these, the man in lower number
three was the "boss." When it came to
square snore with variations, you
wanted tocount lower three in. With
full hand and pocketfull of rocks.
We never heard anything snore like
him. 1t was the most systematic snoring
that was ever done, even on one of those
tournaments of snoring, a sleeping-car.
He didn't begin as soon as the lamps
were turned down and everybody was in
bed. Oh no. There was more cold
blooded diabolism in his system than
that. He waited until everybody had
had little taste of sleep, just to see
how good and pleasant it was, and then
he broke in on their slumbers like a
winged, breathing demon, and they
never knew what peace was again that
night.
He started out with terrific
"Gn-r-r-r-tp
That opened every eye in the car. We
all hoped that it was an accident, how
ever, and trusting that he wouldn't do
it again, We all forgave him. Then he
blasted our hopes and curdled the
sweet serenity Of our forgiveness by a
long drawn
"Gw-a-h-h-h-hahW
That sounded too much like business
to be accidental. Then every head in
that sleepless sleeper was held off the pill
low for a minute, waiting, in breathless
suspense to hear the worst, and the
sleeper in Clover three went on, in
long-drawn, regular cadences that in
dicated good staying qualities.
Gwa-a-ahl Gwa-a-a-ah! Gahwah-
wah! Gahwahwahl Gahwa-a-a-ahp
Evidently it was going to last all night,
and the weary heads dropped back on
the sleepless pillows, and the swearing
began. 1t mumbled along in low, NUT
tering tones, like the distant echoes of a
profane thunderstorm. Pretty soon
" lower three" gave us a little variation.
He shot off spiteful
"Gwookp
Which sounded as though his nose had
got mad at him and was going to strike.
Then there was pause, and we began
to hope he had either awakened from
sleep or strangled to death, nobody cared
very particularly which. But he disap-
pointed everybody with a gutteral
"Guroochp
Then he paused again for breath, and
when he had accumulated enough for
his purpose he resumed business with a
stentorious
"Kowpfp
That nearly shot the roof off the car.
Then he went on playing such fantastic
tricks with his nose, and breathing
things that would make the immortal
gods weep, if they did but hear him. 1t
seemed matter incredible, it seemed an
utter, preposterous impossibility that
any human being could make the mons
trous, hideous noises with its breathing
machine that the fellow in Clover
three" was making with his. He ran
through all the ranges of the nasal
gamut, he went up and down a very
chromatic scaleof snores, he ran through
intricate and fearful variations until it
seemed that his nose must be out of
joint in a thousand places. All the
night and all the night through he told
his story.
"Gawoh! gurrah? gu-r-r-l Kowpf!
Gawawwah? gawah-hahl gwock!
gwarrt! gwah-h-h-ll whoof"
Just as the other passengers had con-
suited together how they might slay
him, morning dawned, and CLOVER num-
Der three awoke. Everybody watched
the curtain to see what manner of man
it was that had made that beautiful
sleeping-car apandemonium. Presently
the toilet was completed, the curtains
parted, and CLOVER number three stood
revealed.
Great heavens!
1t was fair young girl, with golden
hair, and timid, pleading eyes, like a
hunted fawn's.