Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-05-24
That ParIor Carpet.

a citizen wearing a Sickly smile turned
III at gate on Randolph street Yesterday.
ana fifteen minutes later he appeared in
the back yard with his old clothes on. He
backed out Of the woodshed, pulling and
hauling and tugging at a big roll of car
peting, and the voice of his wife was
heard calling out:
:" Do you want to tear that carpet all to
pieces 20
He didn't answer until he had dragged
it under the clothes line Then he run a
tack into his hand, and, jumping over the
ROLL he shouted:
Yes, | do! and I'll do it, too!''
He didn't, though. The pain subsidized
after few minutes, and the man almost
whistled as he began spreading out the
carpet. His wife came out and suggested
that it wouldn't do it any good to draw it
over the wood pile and through the heap
of old ashes, and he chuckled with salts
faction when she stuck big tack into
her foot and limped into the house. Then
he was ready to elevate the carpet and get
it over the clothes lines, and he set to
work. One end went up very easy, but
when it siipped down very easy the man
tried to put the center up first. He boosted
it over the line, looking very red in the
face, held it there for minute, and then
yelled out:
Mary-somebody -hello-helpn No
one appeared, and after a struggle of half
a minute more he let go and got out of
the way of all but fifteen tacks. He sat
down and growled, stood up and muttered,
and then slanted board over the line and
tried to draw the carpet up the incline.
"Genius triumphant" he chuckled, as
the plan seemed to prove successful but
the weight snapped the line, and the long
end of the board struck the painting man
on the top of the head and mashed hin.
flat. When he got out from under the car.
pet and could spit cut the dust, he kicked
the mass of carpet seven OF eight times as
hard as he could, and swore several of the
biggest kind of oaths in rapid succession.
He sat down on an old barrel and looked
soTowfully around, and it was ten min
utes before he rose up and slowly secured
the broken line.
"I'll maui the life righc out of this car
pet when | get 'er up!" he growled, as he
walked around it, and after furious tug
he got nearly half of it over the line.
What on earth is the matter ?" asked
his wife from the back door.
"rH matter this blamed CARPET in
about two minutes was the muttored ex-
She went out there to pull what she
could, and DIS he was crawling under the
raised portion 10 reach the other corner,
she heaved away, lost her hold, and he
was enveloped in the folds. Such yells,
and boots and bowls as that man uttered
were never heard on that street before.
Every time he kicked he felt tacks raking
his legs, and as he tried to rise up they
jabbed his back till he couldn't rest.
The wife finally released him after long
hunt for the right corner, and he leaned
against cherry tree and gasped out:
" H-haven't you any c-common sense ?'
las much asyou have, sir! You ought
to have known better than to crawl under
there!'
q h-had, Ell? Don't go to talking back
to mer'
9 shall talk all [ want top
"Then t-talk to your c-confounded old
c-carpet?' he shouted, and he made for
the house, jumped into his other suit, and
perhaps left home forever.-Detr0H Free
Press.