The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-11-02
VARIETIES.

-"Home is the place for boys" said sterr
parent to his son, who was fond ofgoing GU
at night. "That's Just what l think wher
you drive me off to school every morning,
said the son.
"A French chemist makes pills or
which the name and dose are legibly
printed. So the man who takes them moi
only gets needful medicine, but also
swallows great deal of valuable informa.
ton.
"A most worthy man, unaccustomed to
public speaking, being suddenly called
upon to address Sunday school, rose to
his feet, and after vainly struggling for ut.
terance, at last hoarsely muttered, "Dear
children, don't ever play with powder"
ooh, what becomes" said Chloe fair
"Of all the pins that from nv hair
drop unheeded on the floor,
| And never miss or see them more?"
| MY DEAR" said Darwin, "they all go
| into our mother earth below
lhere their development begins,
ana ending, they are terra-pins !"
| An old woman was asked what she
| thought OF one other neighbors of the name
OF Jones, and with knowing look replied,
"Why, don't like to say anything about
my nelghbors, but, as to Mr. Jones, some
times | think, and then again don't know,
but, alter al, rather guess he'll turn out to
be good deal such sort of a man as !
take him to be-"
The Russians are evidently suffering
| severely from sickness in the Dobrudscha.
Philadelphia Press. We've had pains in
| our head, pains in our stomach, and pains
nIc H.,
Thank Heaven we're all right there yet.
When mans Dobrudsch gives out, he'd
better measure his length on the ground
and send for an undertaken. He's gone,
sure.-Ne'cark Courier.
The following colloquy took place in
barber shop not more than thousand
miles from Bel Air few days ago:
Bulldozing Barber-Have your hair cut
to-day sir?
Customer-No, sir.
b. b. (while tumbling among the locks.)
Very long, very struggling, sir; comes clear
down to your coat-collar.
Gail right; I'll have the collar moved
down.
End of the colloquy.
"A few mornings since ragged little
beggar stopped at door and plaintively
suggested victuals. AS the benevolent
lady of the house was filling his basket she
added:
What is your name, my son ~
MY name is Grimes"
us your father living 2"
eyes, ma'am."
II thought old Grimes was dead"
THAT was my grandpa"
And the youngster walked off, thinking
what good soul the lady was.
The cleverest of comedians, Florence,
made his debut in the humble capacity of
watch dog. He had to bark from behind
the scenes. AT rehearsal he put so much
realistic art in his impersonation that he
got into a difficulty with the prompter's
bull-terrier. But the manager was doubt
full of the presence of mind of the novice,
when he came to face the ordeal of an
evening performance.
Wont you be afraid % he demanded.
"Mebbe," said Billy.
Suppose you get SO scared that you
can't bark, what will you do ?"
There was moments pause, and then
William said, very meekly:
III wag my tail"
"A man who was being examined for
school teacher, in Maine, after stumbling
through some arithmetical problems, was
asked where Boston is. lie answered 81
know all about it, probably, just as well as
you do; have heard of the place several
times, but can't somehow or other seem to
locate it,"
With view of helping him out the
committee said at is the capital Ct some
State, is it not ?"
eyes, believe it is"
"What State 2"
"Well, | know, probably as well as YOU
do, what State Boston is the capital of, but
you see | havn't got the flow of language to
express it."
"A gentleman, who place of business
is not thousand miles from the Merchants
Exchange, is annoyed, as many business
men are, by impecunious individuals de-
string small loans. He has adopted the
following method of dealing with them
He will listen amicably to the long preface
to the request to Gust lend me five dollars
for few days ~ and answer, "Certainly,"
and then, turning to a clerk, says:
James, we have five dollars to lend, have
we not 2"
"Yes, sir" says well trained James.
swell, lend it to Mr.. Beet"
st is not in, you loaned it to Mr.. Bum
mer day before yesterday"
"Ah, yes, so l did. Well, when it comes
in lend it to Mr.. Beet" and bowling to the
borrower the merchant resumes his bust
ness, and the needy one walks dejectedly
out to try more profitably placer. Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
q