Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-08-27
Agricultural Eruption.

Brother, Sister Bartonian, Orleans
tie, Northend Vermonter, and Border
Canadian Lay aside for once in
1877, your petty cares and bothera-
lions for a minute now, and three
days next week-Tuesday, Wednes-
day, Thursday. Sit down on your
cart-handle, plow-beam in the field,
doorstep or stile; let the weary oxen
browse and breathe F; close your musty
ledgers and account-books; let the
pies in the oven scorch a shade or
two darker than usual; lay aside your
everlasting sewing and crocheting;
leave your eternal stitch, stitch on
toggery; let the children roll in the
dust to their cherub-hearts' content.
Stop, pause, rest moment read,pon-
der, cogitate, deeply, solemnly, long
and next week array yourselves IL
your dy-go-to-meetings, and come
| to Roaring BrUok Park and witness
the opening, middle and closing scenes
of our fne-horse, bull-calf, pig and
baby-show, and rural, agricultural and
mechanical horse trot. Hark HIST
Already the annual sounds come faint
| ly swelling on the startled air. Loud
er, nearer, fuller, clearer! Great Je-
rusea, Jemimy Jane links Hear 'em:
What can they all be? "Ba-a-ah =!
ba-a-ah !" that's the venerable papa
sheep. "Ma-a-ah! ma-a-ah p that's
the sheep-infants and calves. "Moo-oh,
moo-ooh moo-oo-ee!' that's the fierce
man-cows. Whoo! WHO'D ugh! ugh!
whee! whee! that's the big-pigs, lit
tie pigs, root porcine quadrupeds or
cease to survive. "T-h-i-s way! on
ly a dime" &C.; that's the demoniac
haranguings of the swindling jack-ass
hucksters, as they hang their ears over
their prize-packages, lifting, blowing
and gambling-machines and contern-
plate the scenes around them. Cattle
bawling, horses neighing, sheep bleat-
ing, organs playing, hogs squealing,
chickens cackling, whips cracking,
wax works, side shows, stuffed snakes,
picked alligators, dog-fghts, omni-
buses, wagons, buggies, fat old ladies
with crumpled bonnets clashing,
whizzing, putting, squeaking newly
patented machines all running at once;
corn-planters, reapers, mowers, self
rocking cradles, do-funny churns and
steam honeyfuggles. All these sights
and sounds, and "too numerous to
mention" more will greet the eye and
ear. Lordy, what more? Hark again !
Hist some more! Baby-show We'd
nesday, as 1 live! Mark the change
of sounds: aWha-a-a! wha-a-a! wha-
a-a-akty! wha-a-a-akty! aky! Instead
of the short cracking of merciless
lashes and the wrathful "G'lang STAR"
0wo-haw, buck" ripples forth the mu-
steal "Oesty-tootsy, umpty dumpty,
mammals yittle bessed cherub.' Copy
doompy, bye-o-baby, papa's booty,
bight-eyed title ANGEL" | am I'M
authorized to announce that they (the
babies), are expected, from returns
already received, to be as plump and
rosy set of urchins as ever gladdened
, an infatuated mothers eyes, or pulled
, a turky-gobbler daddy's heartto burst
, ing bigness of vanity and selfimpor-
lance. For further particulars, come
!. to the Fair.
; In closing, I wish to remark just
one remark, and that is that l shall
be in town, either in the Office or on
the Far grounds, all three days, and
7 shall be ready to take cash for old
accounts, or receive orders for new
ones. If you think of having some
printing done soon, kill one bird with
two stones, and bring the work along
and come to the Fair at the same
time, and if I can't convince you that
l keep up with the styles and down
with the prices, then,-well, as they
say out West, / will "vamoose the
rancho !" or to be still more explicit,
e I will don the wings of dove, wild
goose or buzzard, and fly away off
J and be at rest among the Feejees, the
Hottentots or some other nobler and
better race-where the Madagascar
: belle receives her suitors in the full
" rugged costume of two ostrich feath-
e ers and palm leaf fan. There vii
e | requiescat in peace, rest in peace
r. j. p.
E. FL. WEBSTER.
Barton. VT. AUG. 81, 1877.