davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
Why he Doesn't go TO Church.
From tie 1Haata Constitution.

From tie 1Haata Constitution.
\ ou don't come down to church no
mo, Brudder Remns. Dere's been might
INT restin' meetin gwine on lately"
Hits bin long time Brudder Rastus.
sence L wuz down dar, and hitll be longer.
l done got my dose
NV y, you amt done gone an uniined,
is you, Brudde. Remus ?''
Not IN perticlar. [ des took'n drawd
out. De members wuz too mutuel fer ter
suit my doctrines
GLOW wuz dat ?'
'Well, [ tell YOU, Brudder Rastus.
When | went ter dat chu ch, [ went ez
umbl ez de mex one. [ went dar fer ter
sing, an pray,an' wushuy. | wuz alters
on han, mos generlly had stray shin
plarster dat de oleoman wanted sent ter
dem Pagins out dar. Hit went on dis way
ontlI de fus' news | knowed dar wuz row
Sot up IN dc amen corner, Brudder Dick
sed dere wuzn't nuff money an Brudder
SIM sed if dcre want he 'spected Brudder
Dick knowd wher it'd gone ter an den
Brudder Dick lowed dat he wouldn't stan
no pro-busness, an den lie hauled off an
took Brudder Sim under de iaw-blip :
an den dcy clinched, an fout on de flo.
an under de benches, an 'mong de vim
men. Den de preacher started dong fun de
puiplt,an' ez be wuz skippin' on de platform
Il hlme book cotch him under de eve, an
hit soundid like a bungshel had busted.
Bout dis time Brudder Jeese riz up in his
seat sorter kecrless-like, an went down in
ter his britches after his razor, an den |
know'd dat de trouble had begun. Sister
Di}sey seed it herself, an'let off one er dem
hallyluyah hollcrs, an den | disremenlber
what came to pass. I'm gittin' kinder
ole, an de dust an de ha'r shet out de
panneramer Fuddermo' my Inns got ter
akin, perticler when | near Brudder Sim
and Brudder Dick a-snortin' an a-scuffiin'
under de benches, like ez eff dey was maxim
fer my pew so [ sorter hump myself an
scramble out, an de fus' man I seed wuz
pelecemen, an he had a nigger rested, an
de name er dat nigger wuz Remus"
a He didn't res you, did he, Brudder
Remus."
"ilit's jest Ike [ tell yer, an I lad ter
Git Mas John, what wuz my young marster
in the warmin' days, to go inter my bon's
for me. Hit amt no use fer ter sing out
chu'ch at me. [ done bin an got my dose
When | goes to wash | wanter know what
I'm adoin', an [ don't wantcr get hemmed
up 'mong wimmen au preachers. wants
clbow-rOOm
But, Brother Remus, you amt"
Il mout drap in an | moutn't, bu t
when yer see me santer in de do wild my
specs on, yer kin jes' say ter de brudderin,
sorter confdcnshil-like, Oar comes old man
Remus wid his hoss pistol an eff dars'
much Nv a scuf1Ie roun' here dis evenin',
yer gwine ter hear fum' i'm So long.
Member me ter Sister Temnv-'
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
Vulgar Words,

4 distinguished author says: 4 re-
solved, when | was child, never to use Il
word | could not pronounce before my
mother without offending her He kept
his resolution, and became a pure-minded,
noble, honored gentleman. His rule and
example are worthy Of imitation.
Boys readily learn a class of law, vulgar
words and expressions, which are never
heard in respectable circles. The utmost
care on the part Of parents viii scarcely
prevent it. OF course we cannot think Of
girls being SO much exposed to the peril
We cannot imagine . decent girl using
words she would not give utterance to be-
fore her father and mother
Such vulgarity is thought by some boys
to be smart, the next thing to swearing,
yet mot so wicked But it is habit
which leads to profanity, and fills the mind
with evil thoughts 1t vulagrizes and
dcgrades the soul, and prepares the way
for many Of the gross and fearful sins which
now corrupt society. Young reader keep
your mouth free from all impurity and your
tongue from all evil, for, out of the
heart, the mouth speaketh.'
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01

gag which | invariably use when the cul-
prit is too demonstrative. Now. when n
person is hung, as they do in some coun-
tries, what can be more sickening than to
see his SWOLLEN black tongue protruding
from his mouth [ devised a contrivance
to prevent this. To that end | use a small
piece of iron whose front part is thick
enough to resist all efforts of the prisoner
to spit it out. In the thin back part of
this iron is a sort of thorn half an inch
long. As soon as the prisoner comes in
sight of the gallows, and gets SO frightened
that he begins
TO CRY AND VAIL,
| make him open his mouth, double up his
tongue, ard quickly and firmly press the
oirn upon it. Then | shut his mouth
quickly. He is gagged, and the thorn of the
iron keeps his tongue from protruding after
he is dangling in the air The thorn makes
his tongue bleed, and froth and blood na-
turalIy appear ON his lips but it is always
wiped off with a sponge saturated with
laudanum. The gag facilitates the cul-
prits suHocation, and the gurglirg noise in
his throat is unavoidable Weak-nerved
humanitarians, like Professor Paukowitch,
had better keep away from executions.
tullgrOwn men and women, even if their
nerves are utterly unstruug by anguish and
the fear OF a violent and disgraceful death.
possess, after all, truly, wonderful vital
ity, and to deprive them Of life is not so
very easy task
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
Mark TWain'S Hotel,

Having lately opened a hashery, send
you these, my rules and regulations
This house will be considered strictly in
temperate.
None but the brave deserve the fare.
Persons owing bills for board will be
bored for bills.
Boarders who do not wish to pay in ad-
vance are requested tie advance and pay.
Boarders are expected to wait on the
colored cook-for meals
Sheets will be nightly changed, once in
six months, or more if necessary.
Double boarders can have two beds with
room in it, or room with two beds in
it, as they choose.
Boarders are requested to pull off their
boots if they can conveniently do so.
Beds with or without bugs.
All moneys and other valuables are to be
left IN care Of the proprietor This is in
sisted upon, as he viii be held responsible
for no other losses.
Inside matter will not be furnished to
editors under any considerations
Relatives coming to make a six months
visit will be welcomed, but when they bring
half of their household furniture, virtue
will cease to be a forbearance.
Single men with their families will not
be boarded
Dreams will be charged for by the dozen.
Nightmares hired out at reasonable rates.
Stone vaults will be furnished to snor-
ing boarders, and the proprietor will in no
wise be responsible for the broken tin-pan-
ums Of other days.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
A SchoOl-Boy On Germs.

Corns are of two kinds-vegetable and
animal. Vegetable corn grows in rows /;
animal corn grows on toes. There are
several kinds of corns there is the unicorn,
capricorn, corn-dodgers, field corn, and the
corn, which is the corn you feel most 1t
is said, [ believe, that gophers like corns :;
but persons having corns do not like to
'go fur, if they can help it, Corns have
kernels and some cotOnels have corns
Vegetable corns grow on ears, but animal
corns grow on feet at the other end of the
body. Another kind of corn is the acorn ;
these kind grow on oaks, but there is no
hoax about the corn. The acorn is corn
with an indefinite article indeed Try it
and see. Many man when he has corn
wishes it was an acorn. Folks that have
corns sometimes send for a doctor, and if
the doctor himself is corned, he probably
won't do SO well as if he isn't. The doctor
says corns are produced by tight boots and
shoes which is probably the reason who
when a man is tight they say he is corned.
If farmer manages well, he can get
good deal Of corn on an acre, but | know
OF farmer that has one corn that makes
the biggest acher on his farm. The biggest
crop Of vegetable corn a man raises the
better he does not like it. Another kind
Of corn is the corn dodger. The way it is
made is very simple, and is as follows
that is if you want to knowd: You 90
along the streets and meet man you know
has corn, and rough character then
you step on the toe that has a corn on it,
and see if you don't have occasion so dodge.
In that way you will find out what corn
dodger is.--HartJord Post
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
The independence Of Women.


From the JIoma,,'s Jou,5,aI
One hundred and ninety-two thousand
two hundred and fifty Massachusetts, wo-
men are maintaining themselves These
have entered the battle Of life are money
earners, not dependent on man for MAIN
temance.
Nincty-four thousand eight hundred and
fifteen are earning livelihood in what is
termed 1.-THE domestic industries" They
are servants. washerwomen, watchers,
nurses, matrons, boarding and lodging
house keepers, etc.
The remaining ninety-seven thousand
four hundred and thirty-fve are engaged
in what IS generally considered mems work
Three hundred and seventy-four are en-
ployed by the government. Ten thousand
two hundred and ninety-fve are in the pro-
fessions. Three thousand five hundred
and twenty-five in trade and transportation
Ei2hty-three thousand and two hundred
and seven in manufactures and mechanical
industries
Government, 374
Professionals, 1925
Trade and Transportation, 1922
Manufactures aud Mechanical In
dustries, 3,2O7
Agriculture and Fishery, 81
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
Don't be a LOafer.

Young man pay attention. Don't be a
loafr don't keep loafers' company don't
hang about loafng places. Better work
than sit around day after day, or stand
about corners with your hands in your
pockets-better for your own health and
prospects, Bustle about, if you mean to
have anything to hustle about for Many
poor physician has obtained real patient
by riding after an imaginary one. A quire
of blank paper, tied with red tape, carried
under a lawyers arm, may procure him his
first case, and make his fortune. Such is
the world; ''To him that hath shall be
given" Quite dreaming and complaining /;
keep busy and mind your chances.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
Did he PrODOSp 2

"Did he propose ?" said a Ridge street
mother to her daughter the other night.
The young man had fareweIled himself out,
and Emeline had locked the door cad was
untying her shoes when her mother came
down stairs with bed quilt around her,
and said ''Wanted to creep up stairs with
out me hearing you, ell ? Didn't think |
knew it was an hour after midnight did
you p The girl had no reply, and the
mother continued did he propose this
time?' "Why-mother p exclaimed the
bushing daughter. "You can why
mother all you want to- but don't [ know
that he has been coming here for the last
year? Don't l know that you've burnt
up at least four tons Of coal courting around
here p The girl got her shoes off, while
the mother stood at the stair door and
asked "Emeline, have you got any grit ?''
Il guess So" Il guess you haven't.
just wish that fellow with false teeth and
a mole on his chin would come sparkling
me. Do you know what would happen,
Emeline ?" "No." "Well, I'll tell you.
He'd come to time in sixty days or he'd
get out of this mansion like a goat jumping
for sunfower seeds - Emeline went to bed
to reflect over it.-Marquette Jomnal
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
How the Secret was Discovered.

Marshall Jewell is typical Yankee,
"smart as chain lightning, and cute as
they make EN- even in Connecticut, Gov.
Jewell, according to report, came it over
the Russians while Minister to that coun-
try 1t is said as a matter of feet that
Gov Jewell, while Minister in Russia,
found out the secret Of the famous Russia
leather The secret is the result of the
use of birch bark tar, with which the skins
are dressed in place of tallow aud greese
the latter being so largely used as food
among the lower classes. This tar, which
is carefully saved as it exudes from the wood
when burned, was first used as substitute
for wheel grease in Russia, as it is to this
day, and then for the filing and dressing
of skins BY system of careful inquiry,
and literally following his nose during
his visits to some of the great Russian
tanneries and curriers' shops, Mr.. Jewell
found this compound in a great ket-
tie, ready for use, and thus the mystery
was solved. 1t is not expensive, costing
about SO a barrel, and he Immediately or
dered ten barrels and sent them to various
leading leather manufacturers in this coun-
try with instructions and the result is that
genuine Russia leather goods are now made
in America, and doubtless will soon be sold
at nearly fifty per cent. below former prices.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
Seed Potatoes.

Farmere should have an eye to their
seed potatoes fot planting next spring.
The experience Of thousands Of farmers in
various sections of the country goes to show
that large potatoes for seed are no better
than medium sized ones, only that, in dry
season, if planted whole, they sustain the
plants by the moisture in them better than
smaller potatoes. 1t is not advisable to
plant the small ones they should be fed
out, but select those for seed that are rather
too small for marketing. But in rich
SOIL and in a sufficiently moist season, po-
tatoes no larger than walnuts viii produce
good crops. Some years ago l planted
some potatoes, new aud dear variety, no
larger than filberts, and the product was
as good as when | used large seed but the
ground was heavily manured, and the
season was favorable When one buys anv
of the new varieties in small quantities, and
desires to produce the largest possible crop,
each potato may be cut into as many pieces
as it has eyes, aud one eye may be put in
a Till Two to three hundred pounds of
potatoes may thus be grown from one
pound of seed
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
cHoAKING A PRISONER,

to death without causing him any suffering
is absurd When | came to Austrila hang
ing on the hook was the common way of
executing criminals. | suggested an i'm
provemeut, by which I believe the crimi-
nal becomes unconscious, as l have calcula-
ted, in exactly fifty four seconds after los
ing his foothold The attempt to break
the cuIprit's neck by pushing him violently
off the ladder is rarely successful. [ know
of only two instances in my long experience
when l succeeded in dispatching them in
that manner. One was young woman
with very long neck. She did not stir
after | pushed her off, The other was
feeble old man. In many other cases |
only prolonged the suferings of the cul-
prits by giving them violent push. In
consequence | resorted to the slower, but
more certain method Of strangulation. |
do not believe that the cuprits experience
the slightest unpleasant sensation after their
wind pipe has been closed. As a matter
of course their faces viii present
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
= anAsTLY APPEARANcE

while they are being turned round, but l
believe that they do not feel any pain what
ever. put my foot on their shoulder to
let the knot of the rope work on the wind
pipe, and to prevent it from getting out of
place while the culprit is whirled round by
my assistant.
'.As regards Professor Paukowitch's S
horrifying description of the blood and
froth oozing from Franctschiottis mouth,
| have to say that this was owing to the
rupture of any blood vessel in the prisoners
breast, but simply the effect Of the iron
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01

JOSH BILLINGS says: There IL but
phew things on the face of this earth more
worthless than poodle, and yet | am
glad there is poodle, for if there was not,
there IL some people who wouldn't have
any object in living, aud have nothing to
love
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01

An lrishman noticing woman pass,
espied two strips depending from under the
the lady cloak Not knowing that these
were style sashes and in the right place,
he exclaimed =" Faith, ma am, yer galluses
are united"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01

"THouGHT I'd leave my measure on
your foor,p said man who fell down in a
bar-room. mo necessity for that, said
the barkeeFer. ave know exactly how
much you hold
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
Ng. &. re SEA.
EE SG-gCDGI Dentist.

0Ecn IN Jas. Fingers building nearly opposite
Oh Ssr'ui-5ur5 Bank Gas administered for exjactiug
when sired.
StrnJl>bur-. Pa. Jan. {, 6,'76-tf
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
WAS STILL ALIVE,

though suffering terribly His face looked
black, his breast was leaving at a rapid
rate, and suddenly he succeeded in utter
Ing a horrible shrek One of his hands
got loose, and he lifted it to his neck. But
then the two assistants began whirling him
round with great rapidity until his head
dropped forward, and he was dead A more
sickenins spectacle could not be imagined" +"
Professor Pankowitch's letter created a
great sensation in Vienna and it elected
from Mr. Henry Frendenberger ''His
Royal and imperial Majesty's Executioner,"
a long reply, in which he not only denied
the Professors's allegations, but also gave
a detailed account Of his Official career as
hangman, "Since 1862" he says, Il have
swung off forty-two criminals-seven wo-
men and thirty-fye men. l have also fog
ged, between 1862 and 1861, nearly 200
prisoners, until that mode Of punishment
was abolished. The idea Of
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01

Somebody advertises in Western news
paper, for "a boy to open oysters fifteen
years old.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
STROUDSBURG. Pa.

OTra formerly occupied by Dr.. Scip Residence with
j. r. Miller one door below the JcIT.rSOnian Office
O.d.a hours, TO ., y 10 ) and 10 8,
May II, lss5.-Jt-
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01

BETTER be upright with poverty than
uDprincipled in plenty.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
D ?. J. L & n II z,
SURGEON & MECHANICAL DENTIST

Still has his 0f5cs en- Main street IA the second story
OF Dr. s. WaitcuS brick building DeaIy opposite the
S-rauiSjury House and BE HoierS himself that by eih
seen years practice and the earnest and
car f attention TO al matters pertaining IL ls pro-
t"ssipn that he is tuy able 10 performs all operations
an the dental line the NEST careful and skilfd
uer.
Special attention given saving the Natural Teeth
Llsn, he insertion Of Artificial Teeth Rubber
foi Silver Continuous Gums, and perfect fits ia all
eases insured.
" pr-4ous know the greai folly and danger Of
t~usug b cir work TO TIE mex peTenced ar to those v
ing ii a distance. pril lJ, 1S74.-u.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
THE CULPRIT UTTERED GRoANs.

his breast heaying conyulsively, and his
face becoming dreadfully contorted Froth
and blood were oozing constantly from his
mouth, and he presented a spectacle which
| never want TO behold again At last all
was ready, and the executioner pushed him
off. He swung to and fro for minute,
when one Of the executioner's assistants be-
Gan to turn him round slowly, evidently
for the purpose Of choking him to death,
while the executioner himself, every few
seconds, put his foot on the shoulder Of the
swinging wretch, in order to tighten the
rope. Another assistant wiped the frothy
and bloody lips Of the victim, whose face
had turned purple, and whose eyes threat
ened to burst from their sockets, with a
sponge fixed on d stick After the culprit
had been turned round at least twenty
times. lie
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
lR. NATHANIEL C. MILLER,
Physician and Surgeon.

OHce and residence: Corner Main and Pocono Street
STRoUDsBURG, Pa,
Office hours from to s a. M, to and
to p. m.
Oct Is, 1S7C-tf.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
Z Il. S2EyEE, EF. Ed.

Ssr1Hd door below Burnett House Residence
2ud door, Of HickSjtc Quaker Church. OrIce
h'urs u . a. III, to p. m, . to p. M
May -, IS76-ti.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
BOOTS and SHOES,
MASON Took,
PAPER HANGER,
GLAZIER AND PAINTER,
MONROE STREET,
MONROE STREET,
Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop,
STRoUDsBURG, PA.

The undersigned would respectfully in
form the citizens ofStroudsburg of u nd vicinity
that he is now fully prepared to do all kinds
OF Paper Hanging. Glazing and Painting.
PROMPTLY and at short notice, and that he
viii keep constantly on hand a fine stock OF
Paper Hangings Of all descriptions and at
low prices. The patronage of the public
Is earnestly solicited MAY l6, 1872.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
VOL. 34.
Published by Theodore Schoch.

TERNS-TwO dollars year in advance-and If not
pail before the end Of the year, two dollars and fifty
cents viii be charged
By- No paper discontinued until all arrearages are
paid except at the option Of the Editor.
Re- Advertisements Of square Of (eight nesl or
less one three insertions 81 80 Each additional in
sertion, 30 cents Longer ones in proportion.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
A SICKENING SCENE.
TIE HORRIBLE MANNER IN WHICH AUS
TRAN CRIMINALS ARE EXECUTED
THE HANGMAN'S EXPLANATION.

TIE HORRIBLE MANNER IN WHICH AUS
TRAN CRIMINALS ARE EXECUTED
THE HANGMAN's EXPLANATION.
a terrible story of bungling execution
comes from Gartz, in Austria, where Clio
vanni Francischiotti was hung on the 4th
of December, 1876, having been convicted
of numbering his wife and little daughter.
The report Of the execution stated that the
culprit had expired within one minute af-
ter the eXecutioner had pushed him from
the ladder. This, however, was denied
by Professor Pankowitch, the eminent
physiologist of the University of Vienna,
who published the following startling card
81 was present at the execution. 1t was
bunglinGly done and indescribably horrible
When the culprit was driven to the gal
lows he shriekcd and moaned necessarily.
Every now and then convulsive shudder
ran through his emaciated frame, which
produced an effect the more terrible, as his
hands were tied on his back so tightly that
he suffered visible pain therefrom. The
sight OF the low gallows threw him into
sPAsMs OF FRIGHT,
| heard the cxccutioner say to him, with
an oath, "Hush up, or will put the gag
into your mouth - Fraucschiotti con
tinuea wailing, whereupon the executioner
opened the culprits mouth and put some
thing into it, which silenccd his voice, but
seemed to give him considerable pain. His
eyes began to roll wildly, and there was in
his throat gureiing sound, as if he were
choking. At the same time bloody froth ap-
peared on his lips and he shivered as one
about to die. The exccutioner wiped the
culprit's mouth repeatedly with his red
Harnel sleeves. When the cart in which
he and Frapcischiotti were seated arrived
under the cross beam, the executioner's two
assistants lifted Francischiotti out, and
placed him on his feet, but he was so weak
that he sank to the ground, utteriug
hoarse sort Of cry, which brought more
bloody to his lips The executioner there
upon took Francischiotti in his arms, and
carried him up the ladder. The adjust
ment Of the moose occupied at least four
minutes, during which time
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1877-03-01
JOE PRINTING

OF ALL KINDS,
Executed in the highest style of the Art and on the
most reasonable terms.