Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1877-11-16
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the days of the last Communist uprising
in Paris, two of the red-capped gentry call
ed upon him and said:
"Baron, the Commune rules France now,
and you, like other rich men, must divide
your property among your poorer fellow
countrymen."
ssAh," said the Baron, sis that so Pray
tell me how much am supposed to be
WORTH -
ssAbout forty millions of francs"
s.And how many people are there in
France!''
s'About forty millions"
sand must divide my wealth among
them ?''
eyes, Monsieur
every well, then, here are two francs for
YOU. You have got your share, and may
go for. of course, you do not wish to take
any one else's.'
A lady reader writes to the New York
s'Herald'' for recipe to remove freckles.
A lady III Rome who has tried the remedy,
recommends the following: Battle the
face lightly with cologne water after tea,
and at about 10 D. m. brush both cheeks,
the forehead and chin with carefully Sc
lected moustache. If this does not remove
the freckles, 1t will, under ordinary clrcum-
stances. cause them to be forgotten.
"Harper's Bazar;' says ''ladies will wear
camel's hair listers this winter" We
don't like to dispute such an authority as
the" but Well bet Mr.. Harper $500
we know one woman who will wear the
same old eighty-five cent waterproof all
winter long. unless her husbands lottery
ticket catches a more Christian number
than oughty ought hundred and oughty
ought, as it did last time.
Daniel Webster once affirmed in COM
pany that no woman ever wrote letter
without a postscript. "My next lette
shall refute you!'' said a lady of his &C
quaintance. The s'Great Expounder'' soon
after received letter from his fair dis
putant, where, after her signature, stood:
"P. S.-Who is right now, you or 1?''
A stoical Scotchman was addressed by
his brothers wife so! John, sha'n't
leave this bed alive.'' s'Please theeself,
Betty, and theell please me.'' returned
John, with great equanimity. 81 have
been good wife to you, John,' persisted
the dying woman. "Middlin', Betty, only
middlin'."
Good old Uncle Jabez said one cold
morning, as he was hunting for the match
es: s'When 1 die I hope I'll go where l
won't have to make the fire every morn
ing.n ssYou needn't fret about that, y
snapped his wife, from under the blankets.
you'll find the fire all ready for you, nev-
er you fear ~
In a recent scandal case in Smith coun-
ty, Kansas, a lady witness declined to al
swer a question, and the attorney demand
ed her reason. "Because it is not fit to tell
decent people. "Oh, WELL" said the law
yer, s.just walk up here, and whisper it to
the judge"
What agonies must the poet have en-
dured, who writing of his love, asserted
that he kissed her under the silent stars
and found the compositor had made him
declare that he clicked her under the GEL
lar stairs"
A teacher. who, in fit of vexation, call
ed her pupilsa set of young adders. on be-
ing reproved for her language, apologlzed
by saying she was speaking to those just
commencing their arithmetic.
A country doctor has had his portrait
painted. and local art critic declares that
YOU can feel saws and things rasping over
your bones, and taste calomel, blue pill,
and quinine, as you look at it.
Dean Swift said that the reason GER
tain university was learned place was
that most persons took some learning
there, and but few brought any away with
them. and so it accumulated.
A young lady, in conversing with gen.
tleman. spoke Of having resided in st.
Louis. "Was st. Louis your native placer"
asked the gentleman-"Wel yes, part OF
the time,'' responded the lady.
eWhy do YOU continue to retail spirit
uous liquor ?''-"If did not sell, these
drinking fellows would not come to my
shop, and I should have no chance to give
them good ADVICE"
If YOU put two persons in the same bed
room. one of whom has the toothache, and
the other is in love- you will find that the
person who has the toothache will go to
sleep first.
"Och.'' said a love-sick Hibernian, "what
a recreation it is to be dying of love! 1t
sets the heart aching so de]icately there's
no taking wink of sleep for the pleasure
of the pain!"
The proposition to introduce ladies as
railroad conductors is frowned upon in
view of the fact that their trains are al
ways behind.
GA kind word spoken to a husband will
on farther than broomstick or a fiirta-
tion saws a woman of experience.
A tinker named Todd publishes a tenn
nerance paper, and has sued contem-
norary for calling him Teddy.
What is the difference between hill and
a pinp One is hard to get up, and the
other is hard to get down.
When a young lady hens handker-
chief for rich bachelor, she probably seaos
that she may reap.