Middletown transcript., 1877-03-31
Uariefes.
Less dancing and more fsh-balls in

The young mans first razOr-his
fathers boots.
Eternal spring can be found only in
a rubber factory.
What popular cry fully describes az
iucipient moustache? i? down in 'front.'
Appearances are deceiving. The
counterfeit nickels have the motto, "In
God we trust"
In Germany the bag-pips is called
4" Constantinoplitanischs Dudelsack-
pfeifs."
The oldest sort Of Gre escape on re-
cord is the fond husband who lies abed
mornings.
What is wanted IN this country just
now is company to insure the iBsur-
ance companies.
A man with night-key may be said
to be stylish fellow, for he is gsner-
ally 1.-THE last thing out
A young married WIFE was among
those who sought the prayers Of the
Plymouth congregation.
Rev. Mr.. Trotter has been called to
an Iowa church, He ought to get
through his sermons in good time
Little darkey to the clerk at the win
dow of Southern post-ofies: docs
dis yer pos offs keep stamped ante
lopes 2"
If our fashionable ladies were half as
high-souled as they are high-heeled,
we should think better of the upper
classes.
did you do nothing to resuscitats
the body 7" the coroner asked the Wit
ness. Eyes, sir; We searched the pOck-
cts" was the honest reply.
1t is thought that the time will yet
come when members of the choir will
be expected to behave during divine
service, just as well as other folks
A Virginia bridegroom over seven
feet high is announced. The affair
created considerable sensation, but it is
believed she only married him to go
chestnuting with.
"What does Good Friday mean p
asked one school-boy Of another
"YOu had better go home and read
your Robinson Crusoe,' >" was the
whitening reply.
"What do you get from iodine ~
asked the medical professor 'We get
-a-ah-usually get idiotic acid, .
yawned the student. "Havs you been
taking some ?" quietly asked the pro-
fessor.
A lady who was more favored By
fortune than BY education, at a party
she gave, desired her daughter to play
that fashionable malady she got last
week.
The light that lies from Bsauty's
eyes is never more grateful to a s1s-
ceptible young man than when it flashes
in response to his deposit Of pint of
peanuts in Beauty's lap.
"Wealth begins in a good pump that
yields you plenty of sweet water. " says
a philosopher. Many opuleut milkmen
owe their fortunes to knowledge of
this fact.
Jury" said Western judge. lyon
kin 90 out and find verdict. If you
can't find one of your own, get the one
the last jury used " The jury returned
a verdict of suicide in the ninth degree.
What this country needs, says a
downtown lady, is a religion which
will make man feel that it is just as
cold for his wife to get up and build
FIRE as it is for himself.
When the Rhode Island militia par
AIDED the other day you might hear the
officers thunder forth their commands:
"Guide right; steady. men don't push
any one over into Connecticut"
An up-toWn girl sat on her lovers
hat, and kept him three hours over
lime The next time that young man
goes to see bis girl be should hang his
hat on nail. instead Of holding it in
bis lap.
Mrs. Cora Bland is lecturing on
'The Women who Think" If the leo
.ure includes those who think about
lress and beaux to the exclusion of
else. it must be about four
cen nights long
why, my dear fellow" whispered
i friend, II did not know You we're so
,adly maltreated in the affair" ''Nor
neither" sobbed the victim, "till 1
leard my lawyer a tellin' the jury all
bout it !"
Cider plays great part in Norman
Vedding. A young girl is seated upon
full cask, and she must drink both
be first and last glass it contains in
rider to be married within year.
Venus is morning star now, but her
oy Cupid is at bis greatest brilIiancy
unday nights. He reachea his great
st elongation BY Wednesday night,
ut is in perigree again pretty soon.
A society has been formed in Siberia
Ihich compels all males to marry when
age, and makes the wife the head Of
be family. and the husband marked
nbordinate There are good many
Imilies in this commonwealth that are
an on the Siberian plan.
A German looked up at the sky, and
'marked 81 guess a leedle it will
lin sometime pooty quick" "Yees
,. eh 2" replied the Irishman. "What
lsiness bavs yees to purtend to know
lything about American weather, We
rriner r.
An absent wife is thus advertised for:
Jane, your absence will ruin all.
hink of the children. your parents,
'ur husband Return. return; ali
ay yet be we'll! A. any rate, enclose
e key of the cupboard where the gin
stIt ;s no4 ,o.1 - ;,