The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1877-08-03

myself full length on the floor, for, as /
have already said, the safe was large
one, in the hope that sleep or suffocation
would end my mental suffering. The
density of the atmosphere must natu-
rally produce the latter result. No, no;
here was no atmosphere, for that was in
visible, elastic fluid, which surrounds the
earth. and presses by its weight the as
semblage of aeriform vapors. Here was
no air-no vapor, no motion, no sound,
atmosphere, to produce either of these
agents of the universe. No Death was
far away, yet felt as if the very silence
was killing me. The buzzing of a fly,
the hum of bee, or the sound of that
mysterious insect whose peculiar imita-
ton of time-pie gives it the name of
the "death watch" even that supersti-
tious pleasure was denied me.
There came change, sudden as it was
alarming. The brain began to throb.
The heart beat in unison. l felt its deep
pulsations heard its deep, heavy thud
against my breast. This say heard,
for it was part of myself. No other
sound outside of my own person could
have reached me there. 1 felt pain in
my head and brain not an ordinary
pang, but one that struck at the base of
reason. Death was coming Welcome
And / laughed the wild, unmeaning
laugh of the maniac. And yet was not
mad, but so near it that had not reason
told me it was approaching apoplexy L
would have been raving. Welcome ap-
oplexy 1t, however, came not. L
rolled over and over in my limited cell ;
1 screamed / yelled and shouted for
help, and yet all the while / was perfect
ly conscious of what 1 was doing. Death
was playing with me prayed, too,
but did not curse. No, no; for if I am
to die-thus / reasored-let me die In
peace with God. These thoughts, the
result of my early religious education,
kept my soul intact with Him who had
the best right to it.
1 endeavored to be calm, strove to rea-
son myself into patience, and wait the
coming day. Day alas what to me
was day? For here all was night. But
reason faileL. 1t had no argument to
confute facts. Death was here aud l
had to meet it. But how? Alas alas
that mystery was yet to be solved. All
was SO still, so silent, that my faculties
were benumbed. / remember wonder
ing if the voice of the Deity could be
heard in that dreadful place. Was this
blasphemyl Perhaps it was but l
was not then accountable for either my
words or actions. l was. for the mo-
ment. mad.
l took off my coat and made pillow
of it. Sleep Oh if 1 could only
sleep, and, in forgetfulness, escape the
horrors of my waking moments. Sleep
was impossible. There was q constant
buzzing in my ears, acute pain in my
head-a vertigo that drove me again to
my feet, and reeled round the limited
space in whirligig for life. l struck
my head against the side of the safe. L
felt no pain, for there was madness in
my acts, with just sufficient reason to
add to the horrors of my situation. What
could l do now but rave and yell, call
ing for help, well knowing there was no
help at hand Why did my senses re-
main to torture me thus? Why not go
mad and commit some fearful act to end
my misery? Because l was in the hands
of One who has issued his canon against
self-slaughter. / trusted to Him. L
started to my feet. My head struck the
top of the safe, and l was dashed back
again to the floor. Again [ shouted,
again / laid fiat on my face and called
on death to come and end my woes. The
shout was echoed in low, rumbling
sounds, which died away, leaving the
silence tenfold greater. Like the dark
ness preceding some greater shock of
nature, its intenseness could be felt. /
felt-felt it in my heartfelt it in my
brain-it was pressing me to death
Had nothing else to think of but my
self? Reader, have given my own
mental and physical sufferings while
entombed. I was not selfish even; /
analysed my own feelings, and seeming
ly forgot others outside of the tomb.
What, describe other sensations-sensa-
tons that sprung from pictures l could
not bring my mind to contemplate
Pictures of home--of wife and
children--friends-a these seemed, in
my state, as only adding to my misery,
for was doomed, and they were for the
time being happy L kept those pictures
back.
I even magnified my suffering so that
memory might be silent. / could not
contemplate in my excitement two dis
tinct events. L therefore settled all my
thoughts, fixed all my energies OH one
obiect-self- preservation. 1 would strive
to Twelve for those who were even
now wondering why 1 was not with
them. Reader, strOve as hard to for
get wife, children and friends as L did to
master my dread OF the horrible death
awaiting me. Understand me. No one
placed as / could think of the past, pres
emit or future with any degree of calm
ness. The reasoning faculties succumbed
to physical excitement; they became an
tagonistic, and, although l endeavored
to separate the two, became more con-
fused. I could think of nothing but nay
own position. Beyond that, if l at
tempted to go, I foresaw madness. So,
to avoid all that, 1 conferred all my
thoughts on one purpose-self-preserya-
ton. To accomplish this 1 could not,
even in thought, go beyond my prison
house. Why proceed-why even at
tempt to describe the sufferings i under
went? 1 raved, L screeched, fell to
the floor, rose again, reeled in madden
ing fury around my living tomb. i even
meditated self-destruction. 1 argued