The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-05-10
PENCIL AND SCISSORS,

PENCIL AND SCISSORS.
THERE is time for everything, and
the time to take baby to a show is Just
after the entertainment is over.
HAYES has regular old-fashioned cab
met. He can always find the Key to it,
change his Schurz when - disposed, and
uses his best Evarts to keep it clean.
ALWAYS take a rope into your room
at the hotel. 1t may enable you to slide
out even if there is no fire. A big
board bill is just about as bad as con-
| fagration.
AN exchange advises people to never
| open their letters and throw the envelope
away in the street. as sharpers often get
the number of the post-ofice boxes by
| this means.
The poem of john Gilpin's Ride"
| by Cowper, has eighty three per cent. of
its words in one syllable, while Shak-
speare has eighty-one, and Dickens sew
enty-fve.
1T has been found that sweet oil will
cure the bite of rattlesnake. and there
is no longer any use for excursionists
to carry around quart bottles containing
the other antidote.
| CHILDREN are sent into the world to
teach us how lovely angels are; but when
a man finds himself pasted to the seat of
a chair by piece of spruce gum, he
never thinks of this.
A RURAL editor, in describing the
oratorio of Esther" beautifully says:
"The swell died away in delicious sufo-
cation, like one singing sweet song
under the bedclothes."
STANLEY, the explorer, in a private
letter to friend, states that the most
beautiful spot he has seen in all his
travels is Jzjzjzjzizjzjz, on the southerly
shore of Lake Nyiyiyiyiyiyi.
GROWING OLD.
| I'm growing fonder of my staff,
! I'm growing DINNER in my eyes,
I'm growing fainter in my laugh,
I I'm growing deeper in my sighs;
| I'm growing careless of my dress,
I'm growing frugal Of my gold,
| I'm growing wise, I'm growing-yes-
| I'm growing old
A CORRESPONDENT of a Western con-
temporary says that in '' this part of the
world Uowa) a revolver and rifle in the
house are the best protective law we
have, but are slim proofs of civilization"
The Californians are cultivating the
japanese persimmon, but what is the
good of a persimmon that simply looks
like small apple, tastes like cross be-
tween a plum and peach. and has no
pucker.
DETROIT Free Press How wise is the
tramp who sleeps in a fence corner and
has no fear of hotel fres and six-story
leaps to stone pavements. Go to the
tramp, thou architect, consider his ways
and be wise.
NOBODY likes to be nobody; but ev-
erybody is pleased to think himself some
body. And everybody is somebody /; but
when everybody thinks himself some
body, he generally thinks everybody
else is nobody.
Col. w. w. HOLLISTER might as we'll,
while he is about it, buy the whole of
, California. He already owns 75. 900 acres
of that blooming State. On his Santa
!, Barbara farm he has the trihing number
} of 10000 fruit trees.
AS the trial of breach of promise suit
was about to begin in San Francisco, q
Juror arose and asked to be excused, be-
cause he was engaged to be married, and
consequently his mind was not free from
has He was eypuse6
, THE mild, insinuating touch of time
slvers the raven locks of youth and
wrinkles the forehead of humanity but
j.. it never serves to induce a man to re-
E frain from gobbling raisin when he
+ sees it sticking out of mince pie.
az DECLARE" said an over-dressed
: woman on Sixth Avenue, last Sunday,
i; to a negro youth who stepped on her
Q train, "you did that on purpose, you
!, imp of darknessp' limp O darkness
am l." he retorted; guess dat am better
= nor imp O. lightness."