, 1877-08-25
P9TEPHsE iND COLUMBUS.
wHO Discovered AMERIcA-THE MOST AS
TONISHING LIE ON RECORD.

WHO Discovered AMERICA-THE MOST AS
TONISHING LIE ON RECORD.
~ see, said the professor, cooking up
his legs upon the stovem the grocery store
Il see that they talk Of putting up mon-
ument to Christoper Columbus. It's too
bad the way people've been fooled about
| him. He never discovered America, and
! We made up my mind to burst that old
fraud end shake him out and let the peo-
pie see what kind of a rotten old swindle
he IS.
''You say that Columbus didn't discover
America p said Mr. Partridge.
Certainly he didn't He was a mean,
lubberly sneak, who went padding around
in a scow letting on he was doing big
things when he had not pluck enough TO
get out Of sight of land. "
"Who did discover it thenP
"Wen, III tell you fellows in advance
of publication, but mind you lay low about
It. It Was Potiphar =
hat was his first name {"
s'First name Why he hadn't any. 1t
was only Potiphar-old Pharaoh's Poti-
phar, you know"
How'd you find out about it y
"Why, You know old Gridley, up IN
the cisy2 Wen, last year he was In Egypt
and he brought home mummy, all wrap
ned I'D In bed clothes and soldered around
with sealing wax Gridley asked me TO
come over and help to undress HIN, and
So we tackled that mummy and after rolf
ing off couple of hundred yards of calico
we feached him. Looked exactly like
dried beef. Black as your hat and Just
about tender enough to chip down for tea.
Gridley said he'd like to'know who the
old rooster was, and looked him over to
find out. Yon know how they pnt up a
mummy, don't youl Take out all his
machinery inside, and I'LL up with nutmegs
and cinnamon They then set brass
door-pIate IN his stomach and make soms
little memoranda, with obituary poetry,
and all that kind Of thing. Anyhow, after
polishing him up with flesh brush for a
minute Of two, | found the door-plate,
and with some care managed TO read the
inscription on 1t. 1t was this: 81 am
Potiphar, servant of Pharaoh. | was
buried 5000 years before the Christian
era. | discovered America. C. Colum-
bus was an imposter." That's what the IN
seription said, and TO my opinion that SET
ties it. Now, I'll tell you what J nj gong
to do. | have had cast made OF that
dried beef. and ! intend 10 have 1t swell
ed all out and made INTO a statue, and I'm
Going to setit up at my Own expense along
Side the statue of Columbus, and have
sion put on it TO the effect that Columbus
/. raced old fraud. Then | intend to
get up memorial to Congress asking II
To change the nameof the country to fot-
pbaria. and TO make Potiphar sacred an.
imal tie ton-cat, the emblematical bird
of the nation, instead OF the eagle Be
h;o tbiuo. won't it, TO compel every body
r. sing HAL, Potipharia, happy landiji
and P9tipharia, the Gem Of the Ocean
.lYou NAV read the inscription on the
Mate said Partridge. Il didn't know
Won understood the language"
Can read it as easy as A, B, C."
ssBuried 5000 years before the Christian
era" think you said 1t read How dld
oId Pot know anything about the Christi
an era If he died that long beforeF
Blamed if / know Cast his prophetic
eyes over the future, suppose.
.eWel, how in thunder could ne tell
that Columbus was going 10 claim TO dls-
cover America"
THAT 50. Idunno. Is kindof queer
..Do you know what l think Of you r
asked Partridge. Il think you'd he the
hair of an old-fashioned trunk, and that
Il | were asked 10 nominate the champiot,,
American fraud to go on a pedestal at
some national exhibition, I'd send In your
name. :, \,
would YOU, though, reallyP
q would
"Wen, It's surprising how well you know
me.
The Potiphar memorial has not yet been
sent 70 Congress.