Daily press and Dakotaian. [volume] (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1875-1880, 1877-08-06
WHY THEY DIDN'T GO.
RE N,isfortunes of y Young Lady Whose
Papa Was an Inventive Genius.
From The New York Times.l

Early on the evening of the Sd of July
Miss Morris, the lovely and accomplished
daughter Of Mr.. Morris, was seated in the
large worsted chair in her fathers drawing
room waiting to receive the farewell calls of
the young men who on that very day had
graduated at the Monroe university. She
was deservedly popular, and she had est
mated that at least eleven young men would
call that evening, and that in all probability
several of the number would bring friends
with them. At $50 the first of her guests
arrived, and before $50 seventeen young
men in their very best clothing were sitting
in the mahogany chairs with which the
drawing-room was furnished, with their
backs closely pressed against the wall,
The eveningsped rapidly away. There was
lemonade and sponge cake handed around by
the servant, and Miss Morris played and sang
with great applause. The young men APP
peared to enjoy themselves greatly, and
writhed their legs in the restless way char
acteristic Of the bucolic undergraduate when
experiencing the sensation of peaceful bliss.
But when l0o'clock came, and no young man
showed the slightest disposition to withdraw,
the hostess began to fear that each one had
registered a vow to 'sit the rest out" AT IL
v oilS hdo oulS lndI liSI Suspicion Ndo
correct, as a look of stern determination to
undergo any amount of suffering was Wis BILE
upon each face. The young lady was hurt,
alarmed, and angry, and when the boldest OF
her visitors finally broke a silence of several
minutes by respectfully begging that she
would retire and send her ia her to hold a
conference with them, she rushed up stairs,
awoke the author of her being with the
!. announcement that seventeen young mer
wanted to see him instantly, in order to pro,
pose for her hand, but that they were horric
wretches whom she perfectly hated, and
thereupon burst into tears.
MIR. Morris arose, dressed himself as rap
: idly as a thumb recently mashed with a ham
mer and a foot newly lacerated with an a,
would permit, and descended with the full
purpose of ordering the young men out O
the house. A few earnest words, addressed
to him in a low tone by the spokesman c
the company caused him to change his mind
Owing to his careful closing of the drawing
room door the precise nature of the CONVEX
sation which ensued could not be heard NJ
stairs; but, nevertheless, a strange sound, a
of the rending of garments, accompanied b,
smothered EXPLANATIONS of pain and rage
penetrated the house. 1t was firmly believed
by Miss Morris that her hitherto peaceful
: parent was tearing those seventeen youns
men in pieces, but her mind was soon re
lieved by bearing them depart in a body
and with unusual haste. Mr.. Morris was, o
course, overwhelmed with questions after h,
had locked the front door and returned to hi
waiting daughter, but he refused to give an,
explanation beyond remarkingth that it was al
a mistake, and that accidents are liable t.
happen, which latter assertion no one viii
have the hardihood to call in question.
The next day that ~drawing-room present
ed a fearful spectacle. To each chair wer
clinging fragments of broadcloth and shred
of linen. The aid of a sharp knife, togethe
with quantities of spirits of turpentine, wa
necessary to obliterate the relics of the sew
enteen coniding and betrayed young mer
Mrs. Morris promptly seized her husband
entire stock of patent inodorous varnisl
aud bribed a small boy to throw it into th
river. That well-meaning but too ingeniou
man was compelled to bind himself by
solemn promise never to bring another dro
of varnish into the house, and was fined al
entire new set of chairs, together with ne
bonnets for his wife and daughter. As TO
the young men, they flew from the town OIL
the earliest train, and it is asserted that a
least two of them departed in Ulster over
coats, TO The immense establishment of tn
travelling public. OF course, the affair ere
ated a tremendous sensation, and the Who'll
story was published, together with the name
of the young men, and a minute descriptiol
of their several losses, in the West Monro
Gazette. Let US hope that the catastroph
will prove a warning, not merely to Morris
but to all other ingenious husbands, an
) that they will initiate his example in resoly
ing to henceforth abstain from varnish i
every form.