The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-11-01
DRESSING THE BABY


DRESSING THE BABY.
Mans Means anA Weman,s Ways
YOu Ka0W HOw sTis T0urself.
When q woman goes to work to
dress two-year old child, she does it
in q systematic, business-like manner,
and without any noise or fuss; and
before you know it the youngster is
slid out of her hands with his face
washed and hair combed. his clothing
in ship-shape order, and $40 chrome
under his arm. This ali comes from
knowing how. With a man it is diff
ferent. He makes elaborate prepara-
tons and puts on the air of oSc who
is getting an eighty-four gun ship
ready for q two years. cruise. He
collects the youngsters duds together
in heap. gathering them up pretty
much all over the house, and, after q
great deal Of bawling for this, and
sharp, swapping inquiries for that, and
an unlimited amount of getting down
on his knees and looking around un-
der the furniture for others, Gall of
which comes of his having undressed
the child the night beforel he at length
sits resignedly down in chair, and
with feeble attempt at gOod-nature,
says:
sCome, Freddie, come to papa, and
and have your coses on
The child, who is just then travel
ing around In his night dress, and
playing with q damp towel and a
stove wrench, makas bee line for the
door, full of a desire to escape into
the next room.
Come Freddie. come to papa, like a
good boy says the father, with
braye effort at patience.
The child keeps in his course.
.Fredp
This sounds SO much like business
that the youngster stops, turns, taking
slowly up to the now sterned browed
parent, gradually gets within reach,
when sudden grab Of his arm brings
him into position where the damp
towel slaps around on his fathers
shirt front. and the stove wrench
plumps solidly down on the very top
of his foot.
Immortal Julhusr he screams in
agony, nursing his foot with one hand
and shaking the poor innocent with
the other; whereupon the innocent
sets up an accompanying yeli'
A voice from below, where the wife
and mother is busted with getting
breakfast, joins in the chorus.
'Olmstead Molleson. what on earth
are you doing to that child p
oh, you be darned! goes back the
quick reply, in a short, ugly, desperate
growl, tina t siiences further inquiry.
Then the father, after rubbing his
foot and groaning awhile, squares the
child around and begins the process
of dressing him, which is mostly made
up of dreadful struggles between
clumsy fingers and smooth porcelain
buttons, q general misplacing of gar
ments hindside before and upside
down, searches for missing articles,
and talk like the following:
'Turn around!
Stand still?
Hold your arm upP
Thunder and lightning! Can't you
let things bev
Stop reachingp
Hold your head up!'
up, say!'
'Can't you keep still?'
where is that other skirt p
sShut up!'
Let gov
Blast that button!'
sNow, where in blazes is that pin ?
'Stand up! =.
There! by thunder!
why don't you fall down and be
done with it?'
stop your howlingv
'Stop!'
'Ouch! Devil take that pinl'
Let that be!'
Behaved
'Great scat
Say, why don't you have four or.
five thousand more buttons on your
clothes?'
Now, where's that stocking2'
Keep your loot stiIl!'
Say, keep-your-fOot-s
BY jOve in JerusalemP
Gimme the other foot!'
No, the other!'
Cant you see9'
'Sanctified Solomon! what do you
want to spread your toes all out for?
How do you suppose I'm going to put
your stocking on with your foot in
that shape?'
Stop il!'
stop it say!'
'Poow-wow e-e-uI Who stuck
that pin in that way?'
You, of course says cold thin,
cutting voice, and he glanced up and
sees his wife looking down on him in
a taunting, exasperatiDg sort of way.
I'D be ashamed of myself she con-
tinued, to go on in that way, get SO
out of patience with little bit of a
baby. You've been. making noise
e1eugh to wake the dead, and his
clothes look as if they'd been thrown
on with pitchfork. Gimme himp
And he gets up sheepishly and SUI
lenly, and after slamming and stamp
ing around the house after the lini-
ment bottle, and banging doors and
making as big noise as he can, he
works himself up into such q state of