The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-02-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

IT is nothing to see woman pick no
a fiat-iron, but there's everything in
guessing where she will put it down.
MAMMA, go down on your hands and
knees minute, please" "What on earth
shall do that for, pet?" "'Cause want
to draw an elephant
ANOTHER reason why it looks as if
spring was at hand-fellows tread on an
orange peel and glide into the gutter
just the same as they do in May.
IT has been decided that a man can
legally kiss the hired girl, if he can prove
that he mistook her for his wife, but how
shall that profit the man when he finds
himself with only one eye, and no hair on
his head?
THOMAS, of what fruit is cider made?"
Don't know, SIR" "Why, what a stu
pid boy What did you get when YOU
robbed Farmer Jones' orchard 2" q" got
thrashing, SIR"
Mrs. SPNKs," observed boarder to
his landlady, the equal adjustment of
this establishment could be more safely
secured if there was less hair in the hash
and more in the mattresses"
A NEGRO was put on the stand as wit
ness, and the Judge inquired if he under
stood the nature of an oath. "For Ger
tain, boss, " said the citizen, eff swear
to lie, [ must stick to him I"
1T was New Jersey boy who, having
done some wicked thing and being asked
whether he did not want to go to heaven.
replied: ono; [ don't want to get my
fingers sore playing on an old harp"
LITTLE Robbie went to a show, and
saw an elephant for the first time in his
life. When he came home his mother
asked him what he had seen. can ele-
phant, mamma, that gobbled hay with
his front tail. "
A CHICAGO man who was detected in an
attempt to conceal a deep excavation in
his front yard by thin covering of lath
and snow, finally admitted that he was
building an Ashtabula bridge for his
mother-in-laW.
A YOUNG lady of Norfolk was so agitat-
ed while dancing with the Grand Duke
that she tainted in his arms. The scion
of nobility merely passed her over to one
of the old ladies with the remark,
Toodamthinovitch," and secured an
other partner.
AN editor on the frontier, says an ex-
change, became martial, and was made
Captain. On parade, instead Of "Two
PAGES in front-advance p he uncon-
sciously exclaimed, "Cash-$2 year in
advance" He was court-martaled and
sentenced to read his own papers.
BROWN has just asked his new slavey
(whom he has had specially from the
country so she shall be free from London
servants tricks if she is sure she posted
that important letter all right last night.
Here's her reply: d" Yes, sir; put it
into the letter-box in the 'all-door, sir.
But it amt gone yet, sir. "-LOndO'a
Fun.
MANY years ago a well-to-do farmer
left Hawesville, KY, to better his fortunes
in the West. He had nearly passed from
the memory of all. The hearts of his
friends beat with joy when they heard
that postal-card had been received, say
ing that if he had not lost his citizenship
he would like to be admitted to the poor
house.
THERE is one advantage in having a
wooden leg rather than set of false
teeth. A man is never in danger Of sneez-
ing it off into somebody's lap in street
car, and it isn't so liable to come down
and choke him off just as he is beginning
to sing for a numerous and expectant
company. But then, it is more unhandy
when fellow wants to kiss somebody or
ride horseback
The quality of pulpit eulogy is some
times strained. A pastor in Macon, Ga,
was recently called upon to make a few
remarks on the character of a colored
class-leader who had visited brothers
hen-roost surreptitiously, fallen unex-
pectedly and broken his neck unremedi-
ably. The pastor made rather bun
Cling job of it "There are circumstances
connected with his death that are per-
picking. IF, after he fell and before he
struck the ground, he repented of his
sins, there can be no question but that
he is now in glory; but there was mighty
little time for him to think about it. :"
Imports and Exports.
This little table of imports is suggest
49, ao Il xuo huV1nO less