Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-05-17
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

The Scientific american thinks blue
glass :" the ghastliest humbug for a hun
dred years"
Even tramp has his advantages in
life. He never runs the risk of burning
up in six-story hotel.
-Itmust be nice to be- Car or Sultan
and have the ordinary people fight and
get killed in your place.
Among other suggestive designs en-
graved on wedding-rlnSo is that of spi.
der's web with fly in it.
Austrian neutrality means being ready
to pitch in and help thrash the party which
runs tirst.-Dttr0at Free Press.
Such little words as "Thank you' and
eff you please' lubricate the axle-tree
of life and make Things run smoothly.
-Four and half yards of cashmere
will make woman a dress But it takes
eleven and half yards to build the pocket.
Earth is like big Newfoundland
dog. When it comes out of the waters of
spring it shakes itself and gets up and
dusts.
The times are so bad and payments
are SO rare that the girls complain that
the young men cannot even pay their ad-
dresses.
Somebody advertiscs for servant
girl "who would not be above placing
herself on an equality with the rest of the
family"
There is nothing equal to the bravery
of a well-dressed man, or the cowardice
of a poorly dressed one, in the presence of
fair woman.
i sot me down in thought profound
this maxim wise drew: It's easier for
you to luv gal than maik gal luv you!
Hosea B5gI0a0
Seven thousand copies of Gen. Pleas
onton's blue GLASS; have been sold, and
he stands up bravely under the fun that is
heaped upon him.
The Black Hills are said to be rolling
over full with men who haven't seen a dol
lar OF a meal for month, to say nothing
Of change Of linen.
An unsuccessful lover was asked by
what means lie lost his divinity. Alas!''
cried he, g [ tlattered her until she got
too proud to speak to me-"
-"Heaven helps them as help them
Selves" said the boy, as he reached for a
istful Of peanuts while the old mans back
was turned.-CAjcag0 Journal.
"A Western lady lately wrote to a New
VI llOlISC IOI lClNi 11uSO >
novel, entitled, Lame as a Rabble, -
which she had heard spoken Of
-" Insults" says a modern philoso-
pher, {" are like counterfeit money. We
cannot hinder their being offered, but we
are not compelled to take them"
1.-THE sweet, timid grass is coming up
baby fingers PfITIg, reoI1I5
teetn. That is the way the New York
Herald puts it.
Pat Maginnis has very stubborn
mule, which he calls cold Musket." On
being asked why he gave the mule that
name, he said, "Because the stubborn
beast won't 90 of without kick"
Here is an English public school
boys meditation On the subject of " Con-
ceit." 6 Conceit is very bad thing.
Some people are conceited about their
name, family pedigree or anything else.
This also is conceit. Women also are
mostly conceitcd, also about their hair,
eyes and teeth, and anything else. Con-
ceit is also very bad"
Miss Grundy tells story to illustrate
the value set by Kentuckians from the
"Blue Grass" section on horse knowledge.
A gentleman from Frankfort was stand
my NItll duOtl1Il htIIUChId1 Ill HUH vi
the Ehhitt House, Washington, recently,
and a third man, who had Just come from
Lexington, approached The Frankfort
man soon queried Of the last conner:
"What horses are to run at Lexington at
the spring meeting?" 81 don't know"
answered the other, carelessly. At this
the blood mounted in the questiOner's face,
and he walked abruptly away, saying to
every acquaintance he met; "I'll be
blamed if | ever met such a blamed fool
as that. Just from Lexington, and the
races to come off within six weeks, and
don't know what horses are to run! I'll
be blamed if ever | know anything he
asks me after this''
"A North Hill man went out in the
dark, last night, to split some kirdling.
He couldn't find the hatchct, and when
his wife told him it was in the cupboard,
he felt around On the shelves until he felt
the handle, and then he went outdoors
and got piece of board and began to
split. He hacked away until his arms
ached, he mashed his thumb a hundred
times, he filled the air with his howling
and imprecations, but he couldn't split the
board, and at last he yelled, in a wild,
strange tone, {" Curse the man that made
hatchet all hammer" and ran, shrieking,
out into the darkness. And when the
family went out with lantern to look for
him, they found all the grass worn off the
back yard in the struggle, they found
board so full of dents that they couldn't
be counted with an interest table, and near
by it was lying the most discouraged look
ing potato -masher that ever tried to split
store wood.-Burltngton Hapk-Eye.
Here is a translation of a matrimonial
advertisement that recently appeared in
the IsraeEit6 of Mayence: "I would
like to marry my daughter, who is
educated, domesticated and comely, to
an energetic business man of good fam
lily. | would transfer to him my business,
which has been established for many
years. Fortune desirable, but not abso-
lutely necessary. Applicants may send,
in confidence, their addresses and photo
graphs to No. S24. care Of this journal,
both of which will be returned to non
successful applicants. Anonymous letters
will receive no attention. This is de-
cidedly fresh. In America we are accus-
toned to young men advertising for
wives, or young women for husbands; but
we have yet to learn of parents advertising
their daughters for sale just like any
ordinary commodity. Mayence has there
fore taught us anew idea which may COM
mend itself to fathers who despair of
winning sons-in-law by any old-faShioned
means.-Jeptsb Messenger.