The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1877-12-20
WHOLE NO. 1870


devour the turkeys, but all great re-
forms need time and perseverance,.
''That's absurd = said Charley
Baker.
''Absurb you - fool. Is it any
Party of Dakota county! Is not that
combination of the Republican hog
and the Democratic turkey; here
streak OF pork and there streak Of
IoWl; there feathers and here briS-
ties; a thing that grunts at one end
ana gobbles at the other; with a
knoW-Nothing belly, Irish legs, an
Engllsh snout, Yankee wings and a
Dutch tail, with you astride of it try
ing TO ride into the state2senate.
"Ihe tact is you are all a pack Of
= tools: untitled to appreciate the
ratiocinatiOns, of genius.''
With this the general kicked Char
ley Baker on the shins, upset the ia
ble. and strobe to the door, and rode
off amid the clamor Of the band. the
blare Of the trumpets, the cheers of
the multitude, and the intermittent
cry:
Whoever shall these boots displace,
Shall meet BOmbastes face to face
Sound, trumpets, sound"
The astOnished convention drew
long breath of relief. and proceeded
to business, Charley rubbing his shins
and looking as if had just run for Of
| fee.
| Here a mild-looking man, the editor
OF the Pennington Press, rose and
said that he had few verses he
would like to read to the convention;
they referred to a purely local matter,
but he thought they might interest
those present.
"Go on;-go on;''--cried the con-
vention.
The mild-looking man adjusted his
spectacles and proceeded to read as
follows:
The PerpIexed Editors.
A HASTINGS LEGEND
Said Todd to Steb. the other day,
| Each working in his several way
| Todd at his desk all grace and hat,
Steb. at the case all grease and lat,
| Our occupations gone without
A politician to sell out;
And fortunes star has gone astray
! Without patron to betray.
Our former stock in trade was only
Our forced relationship to Donnelly,
| This raised us Ger the common mud
| This kept our noses Ger the flood,
| This filled our pockets, lined our ribs
| With little Washing gtonian dribs
| Long as his star was i tn ascendent
| We were both great and independents; :.
And, when he had no more to give,
Wesod him out that we might live.
And thus we proved ourselves as shrewd as
| Our famous prototype, great Judas,
Who served his master well, no doubt,
But sold him when the purse gave.out.
For w hats the value OF friend
Ii he's no profit in the end.
| Tis thus the gentle cannibal
Devours his loved ones, flesh and ALL
"But now, alas! it grievcs me sore,
Our opportunities seem DER.
There's Strait, whO should our patron be,
Is led by that scamp Kennedy9
Oh but ltor that without doubt
Ere this we might have sold him out;
And feathered each OF us our nest
BY giving him eternal rest.
"Then for Commissioner run
As Geld Dakota's favorite son.
But after sonnet hing Of fight,
Bill Marshall knocked me higher IN kite:
Neither my virtues nor my hat
Availed me in q race like that,
! But even then I'd won the daY,
| Ii I'd had some one to betray.
But the worst dose OF all to me
Is that pestiferous Donnelly.
However fortunes Lace may frown.
!; Like BanquO's ghost he will not down
We doom him dead he will not die
We pile his grave with calumny,
He rises with smiling face
And kicks us how ling from the place.
} What shall we do, dear Steb., Isay,
TO get up something that will pay,
To find patron to betray.
Steb. scratched his head, as oft before,
! He conned the question o'er and DER
Then answered ,-"W ny this grief and bother,
The answers plain-LET's s SELL EACH OTHER!
! You run for office-I'll betray,-
Well share the swag and make it payo
'.Ah that, said Todd, "'twere vain to try.
! Though you might sell there's none would
buy.
There is but one thing left to do.Y
] The times are hard-1et me sell you
| To manufacture into glue.
e And thus, dear Steb., your death would
bring
:, Remembrance Oh its perfumed wing
! And the delighted world would cry.
! There's Steb, as each strong fume passed by.
!: And cen old Nick, when you went below
{ | Would hold his nose and bid vOu 90
Out from his realm Of stencil and woe.
! The reading of this was accom-
I panied by great laughter and applause:
, but it took small boy to hold Todd
| and three men to hold Steb, during
f the delivery of it.
Just here the door flew open and in
rushed a little pea-green man. y
t washed-Out little man, with foxy
' beard, and a startled yet gratified
5 expression on his face, very much
t like the look cat wears when caught
licking up the last of the craam and
t he cried out:
/. Heres our Dan, gentlemen l
e telegraphed to him at Winona Here
ne IS lie will tell you what to do
: what our Dan don't know, gentlemen,