St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-06-29
Squibs.


put it in his coat-tail pocket and forget
it for whole week, but he can't do
that way by brad-awl.
An exchange puts it thus: These are
the days when good, honest, ambitious
men lean on their hoe handles, at the
rate of Is cents an hour, on the road.
The American giantess is dead, but
the recollection of how she kicked a
Michigan photographer over a cage of
hyenas will never he entirely effaced.
The right kind of boy with pea
shooter can take a mans mind off his
business troubles and politics quicker
than anything else in this bleak, cold
wOrld.-Burlington Ha'Ckeye.
Neither Bret Harte nor Albert Rhodes
has got his desired foreign appointment
but Secretary Evarts is amusing them,
meantime, with such observations as
this: Literary men can get laurels Oh
their brows, but they can't browse on
their laurels."
Says the Hawkeye: The rage for
yellow trimmings makes lovely woman
often look as though somebody had
slapped her on the top of the head with
a hard fried egg.
"Ah, love !" she murmured, as they
wandered through the moonlight, "ah,
dearest, why do the summer roses
fade ?" He happened to be a young
chemist of a practical tuIn of mind, and
he replied that it was owing to the in
sufficiency of oxygen in the atmos-
phere.
There is something refreshing in the
absolute astonishment that visitors to
printing office sometimes display at the
commonest things. "What is that black
looking thing standing up i'll that
corner ?" is sometimes asked by an un-
sophisticated observer; and the nearest
typo answers, THAT is the printing
Office towel. We always stand it up in
the corner"
"Chicage passengers now go to Gal
weston without change" according to
railroad timetable. That is the way
tramps go-"without change;" but
they make it very unhealthy for poultry
on the route.-NOrristO1Un Herald.
When the crier of a Russian court
takes a hundred Russian names of a
jury box and calls them it takeshimtwo-
weekstocrythemof, and then he goes
| nome anu has HlUlSelI kicked III GDe
jaw by mule as counter-irritant.
A writer says, "The boys must help
themselves" Most boys do, until the
old man admonishes them by a thump
on the head that somebody else likes
cake as well as they.-ROckIand Courier.
"There's light dawning in the east"
remarks the war editor of cOtempor-
ary, and for the sake of preserving the
dignity of the newspaper business, we
advise that young man to go home
earlier.
A seedy looking "old duffer" at
tempted to stamp on banana rind ON
state street, this forenoon, and, as he
slid into the gutter, he gently mur-
INJURED that he could lick the man who
creased the under side of that lemon
peel.
1t is complained that the dress coat
makes it difficult to distinguish a gen
tleman from the man who waits upon
him. The style of hair-cutting that
now prevails makes it just as hard to
tell gentleman from the man who
picks his pocket.
"The Courier Journal is still mad"
says the Detroit Free Press, "because
most everybody puts three 'p's' in Cul-
pepper. Stop grumbling. Isn't this the
season for peas ?" Yes, it is the season
for peas; but we despise this way some
people have of Cutting the market
Courier Journal.
"Who's that man ?" asked the Car OF
his aid, the other day, pointing to Il
chap with a chunk of hard tack in one
hand and a note book in the other, who
was hanging around headquarters, eye
ing him rather closely. "That," said
the aid-"that's an American news
paper correspondent from Chicago
"ShOOt him at sunset" replied his In
perial Majesty, retiring within his tent
-New York Commercial.
A Norwich man who went to the
Black Hills year ago has written home
that he has been captured by the In
dians, and probably will be unable to
return for fifteen or twenty years. His
wife believes it, and is trying to get the
? government to organize an expedition
to save him from torture and death
WOman's confidence in man seems, at
times, too beautiful to be exposed to
the rude criticism of the world.-Nor-
aoich Bulletin.
Pittsburg is to have baby show, but
nobody can gush over clouted, pug
nosed, wall-eyed, double-c -chined, bald
headed, lOp-eared, bOw-legged, fuzzy
skinned, soft-crowned, pOt-bellied,
droOling, hiccupy, fiatulent, nine weeks
old brat, as Chicago associated press
reporter can ; and Pittsburg might just
as well understand that first as last
st. Louis Journal.
A Troy editor visited New York and
fell victim to Bowery street maiden,
who robbed him of a watch and chain,
a $500 diamond pin and some other
jewelry. The name of the jeweler who
first fell victim to the Troy editor is
not given.-Norristotc Herald.
The Philadelphia Times says 'eit
doesn't cost anything to kill an editor
in Kansas" But there is not going to
be rush of editors to Kansas on the
strength of this announcement, until it
is supplemented with the information
that it doesn't cost anything to bury an
editor in Kansas" ."-N NOrristOlon Herald.
A near-sighted and modest resident
of Cazenovia entered dry goods store
in that village, and, thinking to per-
! petrate a joke, stepped up to the dunn
my on which new patterns of dresses
and mantles are displayed, and struck
it on the shoulder, saying, "Well, old
woman, how are you P' The old woman
at once turned around aud not only
answered his question but volunteered
. good deal of information besides.