Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1877-02-05

And angels silver voices stir the air.
No man can tell how big his mind is
until it is made up.
Why are all washerwomen great trav-
elers because they are continually
crossing the line and running from pole
to pole.
Spilkins says his experience at school
reminds him of one-horse railroad.
1t was all switches, with an occasional
turnout"
81 am saddest when | sing" said a
Sunday evening warbler. "And SOS the
whole neighborhood !' roared an unmu-
sical voice in the street.
We can bear with a man who is only
peevish when the wind is in tie east,
but 1t is intOlerable to live with one who
is peevish at every point of the compass.
The Danbury Ne0S says: 1.-The mod
ern cook stove is approaching a degree
of perfection which will require COM
petent engineer with stated salary to
run it."
An impecunious individual was heard
to mutter, as he finished a railroad
handbill headed, Through without
change" That's the road | shall take /;
no fault to find with them terms"
81 don't believe in fashionable church.
es," said lady, recently; "but, after
all, considering that we are all to 90 to
the same heaven, perhaps It's better to
keep up the SOCIAL distinctions as long
as we can.
He was carving at dinner, and tho't
he must talk to the esthetic-lookIng an
gel on his right. "How do you like Bee
thoven ?" asked he, at venture. "Well
done, said she, promptly, interested in
the business at hand.
What is the chief use of bread 2"
asked an examiner at recent school ex-
animation. THE chief use of bread, F"
answered the urchin, apparently aston
ished at the simplicity of the inquiry,
'is to spread butter on"
"a woman" remarked Norwich of
fcial, first loves fast man, then a
good man, and finally any man." Then
his wife appeared in the doorway, and
he went back into the cellar and began
to split up kindlings in an abject man.
ner.
AS river boat was loading at La
Crosse large gray mule refused to 60
on board. The mate sung out to deck
hand, Twist his tail and he'll come. u
Like Casabianca, that deck hand obeyed
orders, and, like Casabianca he nobly
died.
A woman hearing a great deal about
preserving autumn leaves" concluded
to put up few jars of them. She told
a neighbor, yesterday, that she didn't
think they ever would be fit to eat, and
that she might just as we'll have thrown
her sugar away.
A young minister, somewhat distin
guished for self.conceit, having failed
disastrOusly before crowded audience
was thus addressed by an aged brother
'lf you had gone into that pulpit feel
ing as you now do on coming out, yol
would have felt on coming out as yol
did when you went up"
The little daughter of a politician
who likes to travel on his war record
the other day unwittingly furnished tn,
opposition with good joke on her papa
A one armed soldier came to the hous,
begging assistance, and the little girl
in condoling with him, said, lispingly
My father wath tholdier, but he diC
not get hurt. He wath prudent thol
der"
A humane officer of Chicago invade,
an oyster festival in one of the churche
there, and proceeding directly to one O
the vats where the soup was prepared
looked in a moment, and turning to tn
ladies present, sternly said, This mus
be stopped" "Why, sir, why ?" inquiI
ed they all. IL will tell you,' said ht
stepping solemnly up to the vat again
this water in here is so deep that it
impossible for the poor little oyster t
come to the top to get breath T.
There is nothing like whiskey in thi
world for preserving man when he
dead but it is one of the worst thing
! in the world for preserving a man whe
d he is living. If you want to keep a dea
man, put him in whiskey; if you wal
to kill a living man, put whiskey
him. 1t was capital thing for preser
ing the dead admiral when they put hi
in rum puncheon; but it was ba
, thing for the sailors when they tappe
the cask, and drank the liquor and le
the admiral, as he had never left
ship, high and dry.-Dr. Guthrie.
A Union street girl discovered b
young brother out behind the shed, Il
other day, pulling away at sweet-fe
cigar. There, young man % she e
! claimed, as the cigar hastily disappear
\ behind the boys back; "I'll tell faith
of you-see if l don't" "Yes, you t,
'im," retorted the brother suddenly
covering himself; you tell i'm an S
e0 how quick that feller O. yourn IL ski
all I'll tell father how you an i'm was ST
tin on the parlor sofa an him huggi
~ you like blazcs. You jes' 90 an te
I'M that's all ask" The sister very d
We creetly withdrew, while the young stat,
s2 man finished his smoke in tranquility.