St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-09-07
Squibs.

him. ''Well, did you nit him back ~
''NO, sab ~ said the old man, 81 didn't
touch him back but hit his head with
II bean pole ~
1t was Il Vassar girl who, when sal
Tor of forty years voyaging had been
pointed out to her as an sold salt" sub
sequently alluded TO him as ian ancient
chloride of sodium
A Gascon preacher once stopped
short in the pulpit. 1t was in vain he
scratched his head. Nothing would
come out. my friends" said he, as he
walked quietly down the pulpit stairs,
g friends, pity you, for you have lost
Il fine discourse"
If, as reported, Mr.. Evarts prevented
the appointment of Bret Harte as Min.
lister to China vote of thanks is due
him. Harte in that place would be as
useless as Blue Jeans Williams at the
head of Harvard College.-BOstOn Her.
aid (Ind.)
Customer Ito vender of watermel-
ons) -'Isn't dollar rather large price
for watermelon 2" Vender-'IY on
wouldn't think so, mister, ef you'd sot
on top OF ii fence with shotgun every
night for three weeks watching the
patch"
A grandfather was the other day am
icably chatting with his granddaughter,
who was seated on his knee "What
makes your hair so white, grandpapa ?"
the little maiden asked. II am very
old, my dear; l was in the ark" said
he, with reckless disregard for truth
which does not progresses one in his ia
vol. "Ohr said her little ladyship,
regarding her distinguished relative
with fresh interest, ''are you Noah ?n
''No, | am not Noah" care you Shem,
then ?" ''NO, am not Shem.n care
you Ham ?" ''NO, am not even Ham,
''Then yOu must be Japhet," insisted the
little maiden, at the end of her historl-
cal tether, and growing somewhat i'm
patient with the difficulty which sur
rounded her aged relatives identified
ton. mo, am not Japhet," said he,
wagging his head, Intensely enjoying
the joke. "Then, grandpapa," said the
little maiden, firmly and decisivey,
''yOu are "a beast ~
Says hackman to patron, pointing
to Il cabby sitting on his box near by,
"YOu see that man? Well, he attended
his own funeral" "Not really,n ex-
claims the surprised passenger. ~ will
tell how it was," continues the cabman.
''That man complained not long ago to
his wife of hard times, and said he was
going to drown himself. Now it hap
pened that on that very day body,
resembling his, was fished out of the
river. AS he had not been heard of for
three days, the family concluded he
| IaaH Nnuy = Al.
funeral he was driving his carriage
along street, when he spies his wife
and all his relations following hearse.
That's sad,' says he to himself, there's
my poor old aunt, who is being buried
So he joins in the line. AS luck would
have it, the aunt he thought dead turns
around and speaks to him. Then, you
see, those two dead people begin talk
ing to each other, and the procession
stops. And they tell me that a livelier
funeral than that never was seen in our
town."
"Good gracious, what is that, Seth 2"
said Mrs. Spicer, as Il fruit peddler drove
past at 6 a. H., bowling
"Here yah Here yah peechiz, ripe
peechiz p
"That, my DEAR" said Spicer, drowsi-
ly, boring his head into the pillow for
final nap, 'That's peaches and scream.n
Commercial Bulletin.
They were at picnic, says the Low
ell Courier. On the grounds was
small stand for the sale of watch charms.
ooh, George" she said, 'buy me
charm" 'Sarah," said he, "you have
too many already"
A gentleman gave party in honor
of a distinguished missionary lately re-
turned from his field of work. The la
dies appeared with veIy decollete dress
es, and as the host feared the style
might shock his reverence he apologize
ed to him for it, saying that fashion de-
maDded it. ooh, don't mind it at all, ;"
replied the missionary; 81 have been
ten years amongst the savages !"
A FRENCH SToRY.-A Sergeant of the
one hundred and tenth meets a peasant
woman on the train: She "What reg
iment do you belong TOT" He-''The
hundred and TENTH" She-'How lucky
My son is in the hundred and eleventh,
right next to you. Will you take him
this ham?" He-"With pleasure
CTakes it.) "Well, wasn't 1 in
luck!" (Ereunt ambo. They have ham
at the sergeant's mess of the one hun
dred and tenth for dinner next day.
A SHARP REBUKE. clergyman was
annoyed by people talking and giggling.
He paused, looked at the disturbers,
and said: 81 am always afraid to re-
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