West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1877-09-22
The Last Man.

iNNhi Niollth luAo Cnalr Win hollow
groan. There was wearied look about
the man, there was dust ON his clothes,
his boots were badly worn. We thought
he was a tramp. lie held in his hand
the stub of through railroad ticket
wlth one or two coupons still attached.
lie said i'm n hoarse whisper:
" am just back"
Oh" we sand, with awakening i'm
terest, Turkish WARP
He shook his head.
%,,oh, yes" we said, Pittsburgh
Black HIillsg'
Hills"
We looked at his ragged, dusty clothes
and his wearied expression and gave one
more guess:
PicnicT'
No." he replied, and then braccd up
and said, Centennial"
Our first impulse was To throw him
out of the window, but We rcfrained,
having never thrown n man out of the
window, and-a little uncertain Just how
much of an effort would be necessary.
We told him, however, that was little
too thini the Centennial had been over
SO long that most people had forgotten
all about II, and great many more
didn't believe there had ever been one.
III that was all he had TO say hc might
go. And We returned resolutclyto our
work, but he insisted on telling us all
about it.
He bought ticket, he said, ON the
/ TN day of June, A. ID. 1876, an excur-
sion ticket good for the round trip. He
and his wife and son, his brother and his
brothers wife; and nephew and II
neighbor, Mrs. Garrigan, made up a
party to go together, and share the com
mon perils and pleasures of one lunch
box. They spent Il great deal of the
time poring over guide books, CON
versing with railroad agents, and finally
selected their routes, bought their round
trip tickets and started from their homes
in Maryannopolis. When they were
about seventy-iye miles from home
their troubles began. For the man with
an eye TO the longest ride for his money
had bought Il ticket via the A. i. q H.,
the ;. G. q d., the u. Il. & X, the Fort
Scott, Diabolical q Wandering; the
Adrian, Pendroscoggin e. Mt. Ararat. !;
the Il. G. d H.. X. X. & r. q. G.. d B. G. /;
II. Il G.. :. w; i. .. 81 Eastern; l.. :.
~ ID. &. T.; the NJ. X. 81 n. Central /;
the Plantaganet through line; the Steel
rail Towline; the w. w. q Y. H., and
lhc &. X. Il. IL. a. 81 X. T., right
through all important commercial points
to Philadelphia, while his wife, with
woman's taste, had bought her ticket for
Philadelphia, via Put-in-Bay, Niagara
Falls, Saratoga, Long Branch, Staten
Island, Mammoth Cave, Pixies Peak,
Cape May, and Mrs. Stoves Florida
plantation. His brothers ticket was via
indianapolis, Chicago, Detroit, Natchez-
under-the-hill, Sagctown, Mauch Chunk.
Milwaukee, Oshkosh, Bull Run and two
or three other points famous for their
good beer and bad people. And the
other members of the party had pur-
chased tickets by totally different routes.
Consequently, when the train got To
ManshoOkoh Junction, and the con
ductOr told the man TO get off, and take
the train that went north at j :45, there
was wall of dismay from the rest of the
party, and violent protests were filed on
the spot; but business was business, and
with many tears and many cheerful
promises TO see each other i'm Phia-
dclphia, they separated, the man was
bounced and the train passed on. lie
subsequently learned that his wife was
put off at the next juction, where she
waited for train going south his
brother was debarkcd at a station about
sixty miles further on, in the midst of
pelting storm, where nc waited six hours
and took train southeast. his wife was
set down in transfer depot tho next
morning where she sat on band-box
and cried till near dark, and then took
freight train northeast. Mrs. Garrigan
was bounced the same night and shipped
due west to point within nine miles Of
where she started two days before, and
there she waited q day and half, caught
an accommodation that whirlcd her
away northwest TO the next transfer
The nephew, left alone with lunch-box
packed for six persons, over-ate himself,
went TO sleep and lost his ticket, was
bounced by the increduIous conductor,
and stufiing his stockings with prov
ender, set face resolutely homeward, and
walked, rode, got kicked and otherwise
locomoted home in FIVE days. the most
fortunate member Of the party. Mean
while, the trunks having all been
checked direct through went whirling
on to Philadelphia, got there without
making change and waited for the
arrival of their owners until they were
! sold for unclaimed baggage.
And the man, after he left his friends
never saw them again. He set himself
resOlutely to work 10 get to Philadelphia
on thatticket. From the time Jack Dolin
turned him rover 10 Salisbury at Peoria
he never saw his friends again. lie got
off and took fresh train and struck out
in new direction At every junction IN
| the United States He rode 20 many
| different ways in day that it MADE hi.
I head swim. Occasionally he climbed on
I some train To take near cut hut tho
conductor would look at his ticket. tel
him he was on the wrong train. bounce
him and send him back. lie went tf
K places that he never heard Of before in
| his life. Hc rode on broad-gauoe
standard and narrow-gauge railroads
\ He had short trips on lakes and littl,
steamboat excursions on rivers he didn'
believe were in this world. Three time
! he got back into Iowa, and once, whirl
\ ing past a wretched siding, he caugh
a glimpse Of Mr.. Garrigan and his wife
sitting by the wayside, weeping an,
| waiting for a gravel train. lie spent al
| his money, and he couldn't stop travel
ing. For when he stopped in town an,
| tired to get work, n policeman wOulO
/ collar him for yagrant, search him, fin,
his ticket take him down 10 the dcpo
and send him out on the first train. W.
tried 10 start back home. but the con
ductors refused 20 accept his ticket un
oil the coupons had been regularl