Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1877-04-07
FACTS AND F5NCIRS.

IorND PARuEs for the benefit Of the
poor are now in order Fifteen Of the
ounces go to the party and the other
ounce to the poor.
A WOMAN in Oshkosh ground nearly
halfofa shirt through clotheswriuger
last Monday before discovering that her
baby was in the shirt. 1t was an awful
strain on the wringer,
10 you ever have any hops in
Maine ?' asked a New York belle, who
was dressing for a ball, Of a country
cousin from the Pine state. ooh, yes,
lot-;po has forty acres Of 'em in one
feld.'
"Do believe in second love? ia
man buys a pound Of sugar, isn't il
sweet And when its gone, don't he
want another pound and isn't that as
sweet, too? Troth, Murpby,I believe
in second love"
"MY friend, don't you know that tits
very dangerous to take \ nap while the
train is in motion? "Why s0?" ex.
claimed the individual, waking UP
"Why so p Because this train runs
over sleepers,'
TIE Burlington Hawkeye tells the
story Of two commercial travellers lately
comparing notes as follows: 81 have
been out three weeks" said the first
missionary, ''and have only got four
orders" THAT beats me-" replied the
second commercial evangelist, 81 have
been out four weeks and have only got
one order, and that's am order from the
house to come home"
"YouSG man do you know what rela-
tions YOU sustain in this world ?" said a
minister OF our acquaintance to young
membcr0f the church. "Yes, sir" said
the hopeful conyert--"two cousins and
grandmother but | don / intend to SUE.
tain them a great while longer
Few men have a strictly mathemati-
cal mind, but we never knew one who
couldn't calculate within a sixteenth of
an inch where his neighbor's property
began when he was shoveling snow OFF
his own Sidewalk. .--- NmUich Bulletin.
ACCORDING to the Chicago Journal
putting on oyercoats while the doxology
is being sung is one Of the sins Of this
nation. Blessed is he who does not own
an oyercoat, Tor he sins not by putting it
on before the benediction is pronounced.
CELIA LOGAN says that when New
York actors want dress rehearsal in
part before they venture to perform to
metropolitan audience they 90 over to
Newark, New jersey, engage a hall and
play it. This they call trying it on
dog"
A SAILOR was recently brought before
a magistrate for beating his wife, when
the magistrate attempted to reach his
heart by asking Lin it he did not know
that his wife was the weaker vessel"
"If she is, she oughtn't to carry so much
sail !" replied Jack.
THIS telephone will soon revolutionizs
domestic affairs, for the man, instead of
bIushingly telling his wife at the supper
table that he will be detained at his
Office, can 90 down town, and whisper
through the telephone that it is lodge
night.-OR City Derrick.
OF young Cornell" the elder Cor
nelius Vanderbilt once said "That
boy would spend a million year, if he
could get it," So he didn't leave much
money to the boy, which is the cause of
the war against the will Of the wise
father who knew his child.
SEVERAL holes were charged in drift
in gold hill mine. One blast failed to
90 off. One of the miners was ordered to
20 in and see what the matter was. "Ne,
/ Sor," he said, firmly; 81 was blown up
/ in CaIiiorny vance that way, an I'd
rather lave me work than be kilt again"
/ A BLUFF country farmer meeting the
parsou of the parish in by-lane, and not
giving him the way as readily as he
expected, the parson, with an erect
chest, told him that "he was better fed
than taught" Every true, indeed, sir"
said the farmer, "for you teach me and |
feed myself
BRIGHAM YOUNG, JR., is organizing
/ in Salt Lake city company of five hun
dred Mormon families, which will colon
ize in Sonora, Mezico The Mexican
authorities have promised perfect re.
ligious liberation, and large grants of
land. a rendezvous Of the colonists will
be established at st. George, Utah, and
the march to the new land will be taken
up April 10.
/ A TEXAS newspaper informs its read
ers what kind OF people they want in
that state. They have twice too many
doctors and nine times oomanv lawyers,
In tact, they propose TO swap of. ten
LAWYERS for one northern farmer They
would Ikea few more good preachers
and great many less poor Ones. But
the grcat want is farmers; five million
GOOD farmers will receive welcome
within the borders Of Texas. But they
want "early-rising, hard-working, sober,
good-managing men"
A RHODE ISLAND man recently told
his son to cut hole in the barn so that
the cat could 20 in and out, the barn
being infested with mice The boy did
so, locating it Just where the barn deor
when open, would cover the hole. "How
! in thunder is the cat to get into the barn
when the hole is coyered?' asked the
provoked father. "Why, through the
door, of course replied the son; The
parent suddenly remembered that ne
wanted something in the house, and
went in after 1t.