davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09
BUDGET OF FUN.


4 Inc III the alley.
Yesterday afternoon Bush street house.
wife ugged bedstead into the back yard,
leaned II against the fence, rolled up her
sleeves aud went back and brought out tea.
kettle full of boiling hot water. Her sole ob.
ject was to wash off the dust and cobweb:,
which ser'l, ,a every bedstead in the lard,
and sNr needn't have looked around in sly
and o.ca!lhy way before proceeding to busi-
ness.
There was a boy in the alley. He was
hunting for plumber IN pile OF rubbish, aud
hearing the woman in the yard, he looked
through the fence and began to chuckic. lie
knew that her object was to put the bedstead
| up in tidy trim for the summer campaign,
but yet he:.maliciously sailed out:
Have The water up to tAe bllln' pint, II
you want to knock .em"
The woman pu, down the teake Tile III q
hurry and looked up Il; the windows on eth.
er side. No one WAS visible, but presently
the boy in the alley remarked:
Don't let that water cit cold"
She located Him that time, bu, she ,!Sdan.
ed to heed his remarks. Lifting up the kettle
AGAIN, she began to give The cobwe5s anoth-
or soaking.
Now tolier i, up with kerosencn' hoarse.
ly exclaimed the boy, as she paused for mo.
ment
Her face darkened and she looked anxious
~ around, and nothing but the conscious
ness that everybody had to clean of the
spring cobwebs prevented her from feeling
mad.
1--WE allus use corrosive sublima,c to Kill
em ~ yelled the boy from the knot hole,
She went down to the fence and asked who
was there and what he wanted
Il don't want n0ilin'" he s0rN replied,
nIy " volI r.I,,'t L III win igf w.
tex"
Cant Kill what?' she sterniy demand
cd.
"Dumble bees" he chucked We've had
EN- up home ever since | was born"
Boy, I'm only cleaning the dust OF that
bedstead," she said as she got closer 10 the
knot hole
"Yoa Kin call /, dust If you want to, but
never saw ma Jab at dust with a sharp stick!
You are q mean impudcnt boy, and l
want you to 20 away from here at once, she
remarked
This alley belongs to the city," he replied,
land can't go. You'd better hurry back
there or they'll come to again"
She picked up stick laid it down after a
moment, and, going TO the house she brought
out huge piece of apple pie.
Boy, aren't you hungry" she asked as she
reached the fence,
You bet"'
And if ] give you dis, viii you 20 away?'
81 will that; I'll skip right out OF the
ncighborhood in less than two minutes, and
you kin tack single over this knot hole"
well, no, here ii Is she SAID as she reach
cd it over.
And l won't tell no one what | saw, ma
am, for we're all liable to find 'em, and ma
says she really believes they're sign ofgood
luck. Thankee; and, if / was you, I'd leave
the bedstead out doors tonight, and letter
freeze up, Fustrare pie; and don; LEI the
water Git cold"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

No one knows Col. Hawkins, the iuvnci-
bic candidate for sergeant.at.arms Of many
legislatures, and at present captain OF the
guard at San Quentin, but who knows how
keenly he relishes a practical joke. Very
few are more apt in their rcparlees, and no
one will more quickly reward merit or resent
imposition. Every one who knows Col.
Hawkins, can readily see Hawkins" in his
minds eye when we publish for the first time
an anecdote we heard related of him during
the past week. 1t seems that since the colo
mel has been captain Of the guard at San
Quentin, couple Of new convIcts were sent
over. One was democratic ward politician
in small way, knew Col. Hawkins, and eX-
pected to profit by his acquaintance and his
zeal for the old democratic party by getting
a soft job for himself while in "durance vile"
Consequently when he was introduced inside
the prison with his new prison garD on, he
approached the colonel thusly:
Good morning, colonel
"Good morning responded the colOne! q
little suspicIously.
"Well, colonel, N IN here, and now want
you to do the good thing by me and give mt
IA nice, easy job. You know | never voted
anything but straight democratic ticke
during my life, and / have always been your
friend and worked for you"
The colonel turned on Inn with scOrn anC
said: You're democrat, Ell? and dom
know better than to steal; well, you just take
that hod and pack up on that building. That:
an easy job for you"
With deep chagrin the democratic poliu
clan shOudered his hod and marched off
vixen the other new coyict approached, anC
Hawkins said
"Well, are you a democrat, too, and doyor
want an easy job"
mo sir, I'm republican, and always have
been; It don't make any difference to R'
wha; you make me do"
Very well, responded Hawkins mildly
take this broom and sweep around the cor
ners, and don't be too particular and work
too hard. You cant be blamed for stealing
for you're republican, and your party has
done nothing but give you lessons for the las
fifteen wears. You're not 10 blame il you
steal after such an example, and I'm sorry
tor you, bGt that democrat ought TO know
better HIS party don't steal, and if he isl
democrat and violates one of the principles
of the democratic party by stealing, he ough
TO be punished for it, ana I'll be ID il h,
shan't be, tOo."-.SolGb0 (Cdl) RcPgJltc1n.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

Washington Correspondence Cincinnati. Enquirer
Rutherford B. is possessed of nice sense
Of humor and it oils The ugly way Of
life before him. Blu; there is one joke told
perpelrated BY his old friend, Zach Chandler.
At which Rutherford did not laugh. He did
not even smile.
Zach was telling, in his hearty, lubtcrly
way TO circle in the White House. Of which
the president was one ofthe delightful sensa.
lions and experiences ne had known .ilce his
liberation from Office. Among other incidents
he told how he had encountered a sturdy old
democratic reighbnr IF his in Detroit. This
old democrat had fought and opposed Chan.
der IN all things SO bitterly that Tor yt.T,
they had not spoken. On This occasion. how.
ever, they met, and the democratic Ole Gen.
ileman. rushing up, seized Zachs hands in
both of his, and cried out heartily:
Chandler am glad 20 welcome You home
| am indeed; and am glad 10 see tina, all
the papers speak well of you. They say YOU
are honest, Chandler and we know that YOU
would not steal a dollar-bGr, Chandler. You
would steal the presidency"
Zach. himself laughed boisttrOusly al this.
but when be ceased he observed that no one
else seemed 10 see the point or enjoy the fun.
On the contrary. there vas a dead, awkward
silence. Zach. looked Disguised, as one al.
ways docs when his Joke IS saubhed. aud
then he said, with 4 snort:
We'll. by, did"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09
In a shape to be Answered.

In one oflhe courts of this city, two or
three days ago. there came for trial case IN
which Chinaman was TIE complaining wit
ness against white nan. During the i'm.
Yanelng of the jury ore of the attorneys ques-
toned closely the men summoned as jUr-
ors, 20 ascertain their views on the Chinese
question. lie asked one OF them; Would
you believe Chinaman under oath:' The
witness responded in the Affirmative. Would
you believe Chinaman as quick as you
would a white man - well ihesitatingiyD
| would believe hun Is soG- as ! woeId SDD,C
whjte'mey" Tim: SS't an answer 10 my
question. nuw SEX you, and desire cat
ecorical answer, would you believe q China
man as soon - You would believe ne, or the
attorney for the defence. for instance 'Oh,
YES, sir; certainly" The attorney did not
appear o. feel much better after lie found
out.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

A-cTE-I g E-..-f,sgAIT 0F IStsH PCaI. UyrrtrEr-
- NUtC, Is hereby Iiryr. that .fe rnieT- gfeg EEr,u
at the las' sra ic-taIgIt Of Isaac pool late
Tie C"-'v Di il >aiHa AID STATE u4 Illinois. deceased W
appeal before ths Comfy court Of -aI county. Toe
tird MOrfHy being %" El'cpu dsyj Iunr. $50.
TIE County tngr. House. l DfEEF. 90 sad gp.aFv alien
a1d ghe-e an persons having c;slus CT 'erasrs- rs
sal estate notified 20 attend and present re case
writing f0T arI1-rurT'.
Date jhls ll.r' cas- ut i;ag ,. Z. f-s5.
JOHN POOL.
FENEl FDuf.
lusyT4sw Tr-tu..-.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

why do We live. what il there for u, IN
!tfe?' inquiries the CArtsfirg RegiNsr. We
don't pretend 10 answer the question, but we
do know that when a man has walked tour
miles through the mud, TO see girl, and
find, another fellow sitting Up with he-, II
comes home, j: comes home.-N0rrih B1i-
.kfts.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09
VICTOR IS A DARK BAY,

sired y Post Uarse'auIau suu o. 10 s1y Is lauhto-
nis3. ~ 0sn. Nag-e Dunn ~ F0urhon 'l-i ey Man
hrre hIeT n dam uv Gill vermont. "a dam ~ Grey
E4.p The mile rare hg-rr Na-r's Damn. the dam 90:
Vriar l. rot only tsr. tr1ttfT, but traces o Grey
iHfh fh~0rr0 her ana fHU.. on. combines ire
blood q Nsmbr.nO Ctfel and - BscAtE"S iie-.re 81
n ese iofses we're Purchases, 90 William T. wilmer, OF
Lexington, kentrsry- 1900. .......r.....,.
~.reafJr. Tee. IG.fH.H- SAM IL IA hHts"NN.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

- CB-I-EC'I..-rs.s az 0r CAV JG,z-.1.. ssrr.srn.
y Notice y HeresI gwen. that Tie GuGeFsi- E,d ACau.
strstsr . The estate q p- 4stk.oa e % Tie county
~ - : ale and sa'e % ceased Nl -Ji'aI oeoIe
he g. Irfy Court unity The -scou. Lurtsy
ss Ire Ehfeeuth day. I'll, Jlas Iss- fhr ysgn-
> Court House On ptts r slI comfy. len su3 HHCre
Al rrs1rs having claims demands a-Ersf -7' estate
housed 20 stt-ld AID T--eIi zee Do writing 4-
ustmeuf.
Dated .lis 50 day 90 ''ae A., .. 1,,,.
IAH, HNTfE
svs-5-. Ada. ai-f..rn-.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

ON his return iraa India, Brown was ask
Cd how he liked tiger hunting. 1t i very
good sport as YOU hunt the tiger he replied
but, If hard pressed. the tiger takes into his
head 20 hunt you ,L.c 4 has IS drawbacks.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

Talk about yer courts o common pleas,
saws man iro'a the Flats, but I'm gu'n
in fur d cuur, o. common sense"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09
BUSHNELL, GILMAN & COOK,
SSFRvATlrs,It NOTICE .

l,pS SSFRVATSlt's5 NOTICE oE'
APPLICATION FOR SALE OF REAL ESTATE OF
LUNATIC. 10 al Persons WIOni mag c0Hcerh: N0ucc
Is hereby given, That tie underestimate Levi spradlng
cousprvRt1r of Salmon Price, unac. VIII make Hp
picaton to the County Court OF LGsae county at reg
lar term thereof be held at the Court House In Ottawa,
in said county, the third Monday Of July hp lS1, being
the day thereof or order and decree OF said court
estate belonging to said uuatc much thereof as shall
said Court the interest OF said lunatc situated
in the county of La Sale and state OF Illinois TO wit: The
northeast quarter oil the southwest quarter OF sect
number one in township number thirty five, north of
range four the third principal meridian. consin
ing forty acres less, And tie north half of the
southeast fractional quarter OF section number one, In
township number thirty five north OF range four east OF
the third principal meridian containing eighty acres more
or ess-tor the purpose OF paying off The circumference
said land and for The purpose OF paying on the debts
said unac and for the purpose OF supporting said lu
matte and hi family, he education OF the children OF
said lunac or to the proceeds Of said sale in other
real estate or for tie purpose OF otherwise investing the
same, LEVI SpEADLiNG,
COnsrrvatog OF said Lunatic
BrsuSFLI. Gg.HAV Il CooE. Solicitors. iune2-31
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09
MI: .,uIs-c.IsInI.is

-.,l oeg- %, services OF Do" following
STAN ar- 'Ir i-,i.
The Thoroughbred HambletoniaE and
MamE..uu stations,
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

Pine Stationery : ,Osr.an & Hsremzr'..
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09
CLEAN PEOPLE

acure-pers. Builders Painters. remember that KEEP
sr.p stocz 81 Leads. Paints. Os. farushes PGt
brushes AID ali kinds OF userA! Tor psnInE wal 81
be urderstlt. L. GiIGGS.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

II every tcscIruUa done u-ailv correctly ana a. The
ow.st r!c-s. 1--we Cal ard vl eItcavur % give
you ~ tiTp sA'.sisctu-. DSHiNd HIPEHiN,
Ntst u Court hCLN
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-06-09

IcGAI. Isisk y Il - a lsrye assurrnIeu an
oNMAN q HAPETIN =
The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-01-12
THE GOSPEL OF MERIT.

Where there is so much rivalry as in
he manufacture of family medicines, he
who would succeed must give positive
ind convincing proof ofhis merit. This
is an age of inquiry. People take moth
ing for granted. They must know the
Whys" and "uhere6resr before acknowl-
edging the superiority ofone article over
mother. Among the few preparations
hat have stood the test, those manufac-
ured by RV Pierce, NJ d, ofthe Worlds
Dispensary, Buffalo, y Y, have for many
ears been foremost. The truth Of any
statement made concerning them can be
easily ascertained, for DIR Sageis Catarrh
Remedy and DIR Pierce Goden Medical
Discovery are now prescribed by many
physicians in curing obstinate cases Of
'atarrh and incirient Consumption.
The Discovery has no equal in curing
Coughs, Colds, Bronchial and Nervous
Injections u allays all irritation of the
mucous membrane, aids digestion, and
when used with Dr Pierce's Pleasant
Purgative Pellets really overcones torpid
'irer and Constipation, while the Favor
lie Prescription has no rival in the field
If prepared medicine in curing diseases
peculiar to females. If you wish to
knosc hyself procure copy Of The
Peoples Common Sense Medical Advis
er," an illustrated book of nearly 1000
pages, adapted to the wants ofeverybody.
Price 81 80, postage prepaid. Address
he author, r V Pierce, Buffalo, New
York.
The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-01-12
FATALITY OF KISSING.

The Rochester Union condemns the
promiscuous kissing. of children, and
styles it pestilent, if not murderous.
Addressing an imaginary persons, the
Union goes on to say: do you remem-
Der of calling on your dear friend, Mr.
Brown.the other day with a strip offan
mel around your neck. Then, when
little Flora came dancing into the
room, didn't you pounce upon her
demonstratively, call her precious
little pet, and kiss her? Then you
serenely proceeded to descrihs the
dreadful sore throat that kept you from
prayer-meeting the night before. You
had no designs on the dear childs life
we know; nevertheless you killed her
killed her as surely as if you had fed
her with strychnine or arsenic. Your
carelessness was fatal. Two or three
days af er the little pet began to com
plain of the sore throat, too. The symp
tons grew rapidly alarming. and when
the doctor came the single word d ph
liberia explained it all. To-day little
mound is the sole memento of your Wis
it." The Union concluded with the fol
lowing: "A single kiss has been known
to effect a whole family; and the mos
careful may be in condition to COM
municate the disease without knowing
it,
The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-01-12
CONGRESS-.

DEC 23-The House met, with one
third of its members present. After
session of twenty minutes it adjourned
until Wednesday.
DEC 26-The Senate met, and, aftei
some unimportant business, adjourned
until Friday.
DEC 27-The Senate was not in ses
sion yesterday.
The House did little business, but oc'
cupied the time in debating petition
from Ohio in regard to the electoral vote
Dec 2S-In the House a few bilIs
were introduced. all of which were re
ferred to the proper committee, after
which the House adjourned.
DEC 29-In the Senate, Gen. Logan, o.
iii, was excused from acting on the com
mittee to devise means for agreeing with
the House in the counting of the Elec
toral vote. A memorial was received
from Wade Hampton and other private
citizens of the State of South Carolina
asking Congress to take action preven
the interference of the m litary with .h'
State affairs. 1t was moved TO refer Il
the Committee on the Judiciary, but a
no quorum was present it went over
Mr. Gordon, of Georgia, then offered :
resolution rec "nizing Wade Hampton
as the legal Governor of South Carolina
but as no objections were made, it ais
went over. The Senate then adjourned
until Tuesday, the Cd prox.
The House was in session only thirt,
minutes, and, after the passage ofa mum
Der of private bills, adjourned.
The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-01-12
Fine Job Work a Specially.
lanitor with stocking, and the reporter
with a red potee tindfr s,;d.

lanitor with stocking, and the reporter
with a red gotee kindly said:
Loving YOU as we do. We could dono
less, and would gladly have done more
Now, this is nice,- gasped his Honor
sobbing like child.
ats too much-too mGeha sighed the
clerk, turning away.
1t was blessed moment You could
have heard fire alarm as well as not.
so intense was the stiffness @
The stocking contained three pounds
Of beautiful dried apples. one nice han
die for a tack hammer, a beautiful scythe
stone, decoy duck, dog collar, three
diaries for 1870, one box of stove black
ing, printed instructions for running
away from a grizzly bear and a photo
graph Of man in California whose feet
are just one size larger than Binhs. -
1t was season of tears, and as he car
ried the big stocking into the corridor
and leaned it up, against the cell door a
murmer of admiration cireledr around
the room and went out through bro
ken pane Of glass.-Detwit Free Press.
The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-01-12
Mif and Dnnror.

A young man who was paving his ad
dresses to two young ladies during the
summer. concluded to ccnfne his visit'
to one this winter, but found much diff
ficulty in deciding which one to discard
Having an eye for comfort, he finall
resolved to visit the one whose father
had put in the largest stock Of coal.
Among the replies to an advertisems
of music committee for a candidate
as organists, music teacher" &c, was The
following:-"Gentleman-I noticed your
advertisement for an organists and mus
ic teacher, either lady or gentleman
Having been both for several years ]
offer you my services"
Wears daughter-Willlsm Noakes
does your mother ever comb your hair
WiIliam-No, Miss, nur OF doan want
er to, roither, Wears daughter-Whv
YOU horrid boy? william-Whoy? Co
fltherie stop out too late at the Three
Tuns" t'other night, and 'e'abed neav
with the combin, ism got,-L0ndOH Fun
The time is short; the sands of the
one hun dre;h are nearly run; but here
is material for a Centennial dime novel
II is the romance Of a poor young man
in Washington who was too proud to
ask his relatives for pocket money, and
yet felt that he must go to Philadelphia
and see the great show. He joined th'
police force on the Centennial grounds
One day he saw in the crowd a face
which had graced the social circle Of hi~
rich relatives in The District. He laid
aside his badge, uniform and stick, and
called in the evening. His visits became
more frequent and culmminated in an
elopement. When the anxious father
found the high-toned policeman and The
bride he was tod that they were married
He would not believe it. They swore
that il was so-at least the bridegroom
did. He said that a second marriage
would do no harm, and, hourishing a
revolver over their heads, led them be
fore a minister. Tis not every man
who can be married twice wiihout'
changing his sweetheart; but he is living
in New York to-day
The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-01-12
A GOOD POINT IN CONSTITUTIONAL
CONSTRUCTION.

The law requires a deed OF land &c
,e signed ''in presence Of witnesses
What for2 That it should be publi'
act-not done in a corner out of sight.
But those ..in presence of" whom il i.
tx. Gu ed /, Y. nothing to do will
the land. the title, or the consideration.
They are the witnesses of the act, n
the two houses are of the opening an'
counting. Letter of the Hon. Schuyle,
rolfar.
The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-01-12
poefieal,
WE SHALL KNOW.

When the miss have rolled in splendo
from in beauty of the hills.
And the sunshine, warm and tender,
Falls he splendor on he rills.
We NAV read loves shining letter
In the rainbow of the spray;
We shall know each o her better,
When the mists have cleared away,
We shall know as we are known,
Never more to walk alone,
In the dawning of the morning,
When the mists have cleared away.
If we err in human blindness.
And forget that we are dust,
FIVE miss the law of kindness,
When we Struggle TO be just,
Snowy wings of peace shall cover
All the pains that cloud our day,
When the weary wa;ch is over,
And he mists have c'eared away,
We shall know as we are known,
Never more to walk alone,
IN the dawning of the morning,
When the mis.s have cleared away.
yhen the silrery mists have veiled US
From the faces of our own,
Of we deem their love has failed us,
And we tread our path alone;
We shall see them near and truly,
We shall trust them day by day,
Neither love or blame unduly,
If the mists we're cleared a~ay,
We shall know as We are known,
Never more to walk alone,
In the dawning of the morning,
When the mists have cleared away.
When the mists have risen above us,
As our father knows. his own,
Face to face with those that love us,
We shall know as We are known,
Love beyond the orient meadows,
Floats the golden fringe of day;
Heart to heart we hide the shadows,
Till the mists have cleared away,
We shall know as we are known,
Never more to walk alone,
When the day Of light is dawning,
And the mists have cleared away.
Dining Room Magazine.
The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1877-01-12
BIJAH,S CHRISTMAS STOCKING.

The other day, when the boot back:
asked Bijah if he was going TO hang ur
his stocking a tear came to his eye. and
h. sadly replied:
Il am an old man. No one cares for
me. In a few more moons the snow
fakes will cover my grave, and the
world will forget hat i had rather com
fort a lost chi ID than be President of the
United States"
When his sad language was communi.
ca;ed to The repor ers they felt their eyes
grow moist, and one Of them said:
LET US do the square thing by Biah
What if it does take a months salary
what do we care.'
Let us make hira happy added the
other, and yesterday morning, just a.
court opened, they presented the old