Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-11-01
HunlOr.

1t is remarked as little s;no,lar bv
a student of biblical paintings that ali
the patriarchs are represented as BEING
bald. 1t should be remembered. how.
ever, that most of them married Young
Little Robbie went To a show for the
first time in his life When he came
home his mother asked him what he
had seen. An elephant, mamma that
gobbled hay with his front TAIL"
In Texas, recently, Judge broke
down with emotion while sentencing one
Lonely, a notorious desperate, to be
hanged for murder. Lonely was sur
prised at this, and remarked, on going
back to jail, Il feel sorry for the
Judge
1t costs each resident of New York
Sity SO year to be governed Eli.
That has reference, doubtless, to single
men. No sensible woman would under
take to govern a man at that figure
Edston Free Press.
What is editorial courtesy ." asks a
New Jersey paper. Why, it is when an
editor Is caught stealing chickens at
midnight, and his brother editors kindly
al'ude to the matter rs strange freak
of a sOmnambulist.-C Circular.
/ Leverrier exploded with wrath if
visitor touched his great telescope.
Such Is the effect of living under des-
potism. The American is always pro-
vlded with an umbrella to poke things
IN the cause of scientific investigation
Cincinnati Commercial
Pa, will you get me a pair of skates
If prove to you that dog has ten
tails? yes, my son." "Well, to be-
/ gin, one dog has one more tail than no
dog, hasn't hep q Yes" ''Well. no
dog has nine tails; and if one dog has
one more tail than no dog, then one dog
must have ten tails ?" He got the
skates.
1t makes the new preacher awful MAJ
to be fumbling with the intricacies of :
front gate fastening, trying to get in and
make his first pastoral call, to have the
woman of the house turn the Stats in
the bay window, and call out: 1--WE
haven't got no old clothes to give away,
and there amt cold vittle in the
house,
The Dubuque Times is guilty of this:
q Bob Burdette's" book, "The Rise and
Fall of the Mustache," must be sort
of a hairy-tickle work. Its title would
| indicate that it will make man feel
! down in the mouth to read it. We
don't see how anything short of dyer
necessity could have induced Bob to
write it.
None but the honest paragrapher,
when he sees a squib eighteen months
~ ,JS lNx,,>
scissors into a profound, solemn asser-
ton of local fact, can feel the swelling
pride that burns in his heart as he says
Il started that lie. Upsh,u Courty
TEX Democrat
PRINTERS LYE.-Table salt, or; UNI
Stacked lime, 2 lbs; Scotch washing
soda (bruised), 2 lbs Put together in
three gallons of water, stir well together,
and when settled it is ready for use
This lye, if prepared carefully, is very
strong and will wash off almost any
cOlor-G Ould's Handbook
In the dim ages long since gone
Professor Huxley says,
The owl was then reptile born
And crawled DER stony ways.
But when he shed his shining scales
And donned his feathery suit,
| To soar aloft mid favoring gales
/ hanging MS Mss 10 nODt-
Professor Huxley does not say,
Nor show the missing link.
Alas fol- scieE5e in Our day,
hen wise men only blink!
Boston AdeeFttsef,
This is what the Lowell mich. Jour-
nalsays of itself: Edited and published
by an orphan boy. The Journal can
hold few more advertisements if paid
for promptly; if not, its columns are
full. People will take the Journal as
long as they have pantry shelves and
carpets. Green wood and promises to
pay rejected in less than u minute.
$50 in the hand is worth ten times
that amount in the eye. You twig?'
Western style of obituary. He was
an open-hearted, high-minded man, gen
erous in his impulses, warm in his hab-
its, and noble wherever he found
friend in need: He was a wholesouled
man. and selishness was foreign to his
lorious nature. OF late years he has
been in feeble health, so that his friends
feared that the beautiful nature which
made their lives pleasant would not be
always for this coarse world. On Thurs
day, at II A. NJ, he fingered lightly,
and then fell into the arms of death, he
having been for two weeks victim Of
delirium tremens. '-Her0id