Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1877-01-30
2 ~ q = :
Testing Her Affection.

Mr.. Thorpeis middle-aged widowel
and some time ago he paid his addresse
to Mrs. Bots, a widow on the shad,
side of forty. Thorpe is rich, and afte
the widow accepted him, he began t
fear that maybe she had taken him 70
his money, and SO he concluded to tes
her to sec if she really loved him 70
himself alone. SO one evening, wher
they were sitting together in the parlor
he said to her: 'tf -.
Hannah, I've something unpleasant
to tell you, but am going to do it be
cause I consider it is right that yor
should know, it.. Hannah, what woult
you say if I informed you that one o
my knee pans is gone, and that have
patent hinge on that leg?"
should say that I cared nothing fol
that. my dear; I have only one toe on
my left foot. The others were frost biz.
ten off, and the ankle Is all twisted
around crooked"
"You don't tell me!p said Thorpe
"Well, but I've something worse than
that. I might as well confess now that
the bald place on the top efmy head ID
not really my scalp; I've been tire
panned. I have a silver plated concern
get In my skull, kind Of sky-light.-
You can lift It up and see down on the
inside of me-" 9Ae. Eal : xB
"I'm glad you mentioned it, dear,n
said the widow, ''for it gives me cour-
age to tell you that T haven't q hair of
my own on my head. I'm as bald as q
chandelier globe" D
rs that so? never should have ex-
pected it. But you will be surprised to
learn that my teeth are not natural. All
false, and besides that, have to wear
an India rubber thingamagig on my
palate to keep it from dropping down."
I'm very sorry for you, John, but
it's some comfort that all my teeth are
false, too, and that I am perfectly blind
in my right eye. It looks like good
eye, but it absolutely amt worth a
"Great heavens! Why didn't you
tell me Of this before?n exclaimed
Thorpe. "But while we are on this sub
ject, will say that I have chronic tor
pidity of the liver, and that my breast
bone is disjointed so that it sticks out like
a chickens. How does that strike
you?"
80, I don't mind it," said Mrs. Bolts,
because I have been bilious and dys-
peptic for twenty years; I have a wen
on the back of my neck, and besides I
am one rib short. 1t was broke in a
railroad accident. and the doctor had to
cut it out. I'm subject to fits, too"
''Thls Is horrible" sad Thorpe
"Mrs Bolts, think you ought to have
mentioned these things to me whenjI
proposed to you. Imagined that was
addressing woman, a complete human
creature. But what are you, Mrs. Bolts?
Mrs: Bolts, you appear to me to be q
kind of dilapidated old wretch, with
not morn half of the usual machinery
about you. It's wonder to me you
don't fall to pieces"
am no more so than you are. You
said yourself that you had trap-door in
the top of your head and gum elastic
palate, and I don't know but what you
have to wind yourself up with key at
night when you go to bed, to keep your
self running until morning"
Eyes. but these things amt true,n
said Thorpe. II only told you about
them to see if you really loved me. I'm
as sound as dollar; no inactive liver,
or silver plated skull, or anything. But
you seem to be kind of strung together,
so that if you should knock against any
thing you'd scatter all around over the
off,
Every well, sir, SO will. But let me
tell you that I've got nothing the mat
ter with me either. I only invented
those stories to try you, because I knew
you were playing game on me. Now
[ know you don't love me. You can go,
SIR"
Hannah, 1 take it all back. I do love
you."
"Do you, really? Then 1 love you
more than"
But no; the curtain had better be
drawn right here. The cold and selfish
world has no business with such scenes
as this. They are to be consolidated
early next month.