The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-12-13
WIT AND HUMR.

IHE more hat a man caa buy for So
the less bonnet woman canbuy for 500,
and yet some folks say THU world was
slung together in a perfect manner
Cincinnati Breakfast Tabe.
A LITTLE girl saw her father making a
wooden egg, and, learning the use to be
made of it, she ran off to explain the
matter to q visitor, prefacing Ter excited
story with the caution, "Don't you tell
the hens p
If there is anything that setsa woman
deranged, it is to have her husband en-
deavor to draw the cork from whisky
bottle with her best carving-fCrk, and
leave one Of the tines firmly imbedded
IN the cork.
"Do YOU know where I can ge, room
to store load of salt" asked country
man of Boston clerk. "Perhaps nv
father can accommodate you" was the
reply; he has plenty of salt-rheum on
his hands,"
A DISTRESSED mother writes to a news
paper for advice, which she gets thusIy:
The only way to cure your son of stay
ing out late O. nights is to break his
legs, or get the girl he runs after to do
the housework."
"SHR is perfect Amazon" said a
pupil in one Of our schools, of his
teacher, yesterday, to a companion.
eyes" said the other, who was better
versed in geography than in history, 81
noticed she had an awful big mouth"
"Pomp, was you ever drunk 2" ''No,
I 'toxicated wild ardent spirits once, and
-dats enuff for dis darky. De Lord
bless you, Caesar, my head felt as if it
was a wood-shed, while all de niggers
in de world appeared to be splitting wood
in it."
TT makes even a good Christians lip
culver and a half smile to creep over his
usually stolid countenance to see the
mosquito, with o blanket round his
emaciated form, rubbing up against the
refrigerator, preparatory to leaving for
a better world.
"AH, lover she murmured, as they
wandered Through the moonlight, "ah,
dearest, why do the summer roses fade2"
He happened to be young chemist of
practical turn Of mind, and he replied
that il was owing to the insuficiency of
oxygen in the air.
A YOUNG Jerseyman who had been at
his club meeting the night before could
not eat, but sat innocently toying with
his fork on his plate. "Why don't you
eat your sausage?" asked his wife.
ooh" said he, "I'm trying to carve my
name on the bark"
A BOY was sent for doctor, his mother
being i'll, when looking down the street
he saw a great crowd. Then came
struggle between duty and curiosity, but
he finally started for the crowd, saying
''The old lady's pretty badly off, but I
know she wouldn't want me to miss that
fight"
MARK HAMILTON, speaking Of belle,
who was great favorite, said: "She
has a mouth like an elephant p "Oh,
Mr.. Hamilton" said lady present,
chow can you be so rude?" 'Rude,
ladies, rude! What do you mean? l
say she has mouth like an elephant,
because it's full Of ivory"
AN honest man may be about as hard
to find as a plumber with mortgage on
his house. We won't bubble about it.
But when you do stumble upon him he
has his trademark upon his face, and,
whether in home spun or store clothes,
might walk through the Gown with an
umbrella under each arm without fear
of unjust suspicion. Table.
THE MEERsCHAUM.
scorn not the meerschaum. Housewives, you have
croaked,
In ignorance of it's charms. Through this small
reed
Did Milton now and then consume the weed;
The poet Tennyson hath oft evoked
The Muse with glowing pipe, and Thackeray joked
And wrote and sang IN nicotinian mood;
Hawthorne with this hath cheered his solitude;
thousand times this pipe hath Lowell smoked
Full oft have Aldrich Stoddard, Taylor, Cranch,
And many more whose verses float about,
Pulled the Virginian or Havana leaf;
And when the poets or the artists branch
Drops no sustaining fruit, how sweet to pout
Consolatory whiffs alas too brief
-Hagper'S Magazine for December.