The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-06-29
VARIETIES.

Crop VI lce was Tulneu ny the laCe IrOSCs.
Some hygienic writer says: "Let your
children eat all the salt they want
Bless you it isn't salt they want-it's
sugar.
-"Well, Jack, want that money
when will you pay the bill ?" ooh, well,
I'll pay it-before you get through want
ing it,"
Bad example has made the Chinese
uneasy, and the Celestial soldiers have
struck for higher pay. They demand a
cent a day.
"A boy having been told that "a reptile
is an animal that creeps," on being asked
to name one, on examination day, promptly
replied, "a baby"
1t is probably some satisfaction to u
mule to know that while he cannot soar as
high as the lark, he can sing just as loud,
and kick very much sorer.
To keep eggs from spelling, eat them
while they are fresh. We have tried many
methods, but this we think is the only one
to be relied on sin any climate"
Senator Morton's letter reminds the
Chicago Inter Ocean of the old woman's
apples which were neither sour nor
sweet, but kind oflow tart inclined to be
sweet.
The Brookville JeferS0nian relates
that the first book agent of the season APP
peared yesterday and met with an ovation.
1t struck him just ova the left eye and egg
sploded.
When stranger asked Detroit girl
whom he met at party, if she was mar
ried, she promptly replied: "Not quite,
but I've sued three or four chaps for breach
of promise"
-"What you been a-doin'?" asked a
boy of his playmate, whom he saw coming
out of the house with tears in his eyes,
Chasing Il horse-whip around my IA
ther," was the snarling reply.
First North Briton ION the Obon boat
in rolling sea and dirty weather.
"Thraw it up, mon, an yell feel a. the
better" Second ditto (keeping it DOWN:
"Hech, mon, it's whuskyw
"A preacher said, "Every tub must
stand on its own bottom"
A sailor jumped up and said, "But, sir,
suppose it has no bottom 2"
"Then it's no tub" returned he quickly,
and went on with the sermon.
--Neighborly tclegrams.-"Can't stop a
minute-baby's crying but just ran over
to tell you that Mrs. Joncs's husband came
home moment ago just as unsteady on
his legs as he could be. Only think =
Must go-knew you were not at the WIN
dow Goodbye, lovew
AT large party the other evening
while young lady was playing the piano
with peculiar touch, bystandcr re.
marked, "Id give the world for her fin
gers" He was greatly taken aback by her
very prompt reply that che might have the
whole hand"
A young man writes us from Pough-
keepsie, N. Y, to know if there is any good
opening out here for light business, re-
quiring only a small capital.
Well, yes. He might open an office and
hang out sign:
"Money borrowed here"
We don't believe he'd have enough to
worry him, and he could start on as small
capital as in any business we know Of
Detroit Free Press.
Bishop Marley had a good deal of the
humor of Swift. Once, when the footman
was out of the way, he ordered the coach
man to fetch some water from the WE'LL
To this the coachman objected, that his
business was to drive, not to run errands.
swell, them" said Marley, "bring out the
coach and four, set the pitcher inside, and
drive to the well "a service which was
several times repeated, to the great amuse-
ment of the village.
"A tall, keen-eyed countryman walked
into the court room during the progress of
a trial. Stepping up to one of the "ring,'
he requested that the prisoners might be
pointed out to him.
The lawyer he accosted being somewhat
a wag, pointed to the jury.
The stranger surveyed them critically,
when turning to his intormer he remarked,
"Well, they are hard looking set, amt
they? know by their looks they ought
to go to States Prison, every one Of them"
"A minister was once riding through
section of the State of South Carolina,
where custom forbade inn-keepers 10 take
pay from the clergy who stayed with them.
The minister in question took supper with
out prayer, and ate his breakfast without
prayer or grace, and was about to take his
departure, when "mine host" presented his
bill. "Ah, sir" said he, ~ am q clergy
man." THAT may be- responded Boni-
face "but you came here, smoked like a
sinner, slept like sinner and ate and
drank like sinner, and now, sir, you shall
pay like sinner"