, 1877-08-05
uAWKEYE DOTS.

| UHT!f7g{on H1toEkyE-
Why Is q boil like The Grand Union Hotc1f
Because we can't get used to it. III we are let
of this time we'll never do it again,)
Mr.. Beccher's hay-fevcr is worse this summer.
and his religious friends will be pleased to know
that he is down on his sneeze more than ever
Missionary work has made but little headwav
among the Caf1irs OF Africa The deprared say-
age always feels In the missfonary's pockets for
whisky, and, when the good man tries to talk to
him about religion, he says he never did Cafir
such thing.
An old soldier has been passing some homcly
criticisms upon one of Mrs. Butler's battle
pieces He says the mems faces look too clean
after q days firing. For our own part the
greatest fault We have to find with the battle
pieces OF our great artists is. that 10 too many
with some vague intention OF fitting the SOL
diers who might wear them. We don't know
how it may he in other countries, but in the
United States army Quartcrma=ter who would
furnish uniform, that would tit IN infantry-sol-
dier any better than it would fit COW, would
b. instantly dismissed from the service. This
is strict law, and there has never been dis
missa1 under it,
4 man out on West Hill was grievouslv tor
nented with a Thomas cat. Aud he determined
to slay the same. So he caught the cat. put it
in bucket, covered it with beard, intcndinr
to sit down on it, intending to I'LL the bucket
with water, and thus drown the 7. c. But, a3
he sat down, the active prisoner pushed away
the board, and, when the man arose and saun-
tered into the house to 1ook for the ;. Extract
OF Witch Hazcl." he could not tell whether he
had just sat down on stoye-lid, or merely slid
down shellbark hickory tree and lit in GOOSE
berry bush. And, that night, worn, suffering
man. lying on his face trying to Sleep sighed as
lie listened to the mOcking smiles Ut a twelve
pound cat pe.ting the 1ambient moonlight on
che woolshed-roof.
EVENING ETIQUETTE.
Saiute the hostess By saying, Gully, how's
his nibss'' It has an oI-hand, informal pleas
autry about it that makes everybody feel easy.
II the evening is warm, shout '*Whoof!'' as
you sit down, and inform the company generally
that you do not wear hanncls. {Cnless you do;
then own up like man; don't lie about it,
Make mysterious references to sundry and
divers good times ct wicked nature you have
been having with several good young gentlemen
in company; and endcavor to leave the imprcs-
sion that the best and bashiuIes. young gentle
man of all was awful drunk, while the rest of
You were only little drunk
II q young ladT takes her place at the piauo
to sing, it Is your duty as gentleman to accom-
pany her with q very bass 7tcom- uah com-pal.
bum, bum, bun;" especially it you have voice
like crow and cannot sing note. When the
lady is through, you sboull whistle the refrain
for your ncighbor who may not have heart toe
song.
It lends an mir OF easy elegance to gentleman
to chew his toothpick all the time. II you have
forgotten your own, borrow some ones else
Take out your tobacco-pouch (you should
never attend party without it,, and make as
though you would take tremendously large
thew. This Is irresistibly funny, aud never tails
% make tho ladies, who cannot Chew, very Gu
TiouS.