Connecticut western news., 1877-02-23
DOMESTI

plasIef DeCWeen the logs Is broken away, and through this aperture Bill endeavored to escape feet foremost dur ing school hours one day last summer. Unfortunately, he stuck fast when half way through, and he could neither run nor retreat. When the attention of MT. Simes, the teacher, was directed to the culprit, MT. Simes proceeded to the exterior to the edifice, and embraced the opportunity afforded by Williams position to hammer him with shingle, Then young MT. Pitman was pulled out and plunged into sums in vulgar frac- tions.
 Near the schoolhouse there is mill race, at the end of which there is a sluice-gate. Immediately below the gate there is huge deep tank, which carries the water to the under-shot wheel. The inside of the tank is green and slimy, and when the water is drawn carefully out of it great many fish can often be found lying on the bottom. The tank is fifteen feet deep. A few days after the tiogging Bill happened to pass the tank and looked in. He saw MT. Simes at the bottom, picking up tsh and putting them into bag. Will liam felt thatth hour of vengeance had struck. He turned the handle of the
 
 that jolly old pedagogue was founder ing in six feet of water, trying in vain to chamber up the slimy sides of the tank. When he saw young Putnam he shrieked to him for help. But Bill, with fiendish coolness, said, "No, sir i; you've got to tread water till you promise never to lick me again." Then Simes solemnly pledged himself never to strike another blow at him, and Bill let the water from the tank, and helped Simes out. That night when Bill got home he found Simes there conversing Q with the judge, and five minutes later the judge was fondling William with a trunk strap, while Simes sat by and smiled. William has since expressed the opinion contidentially that Simes is pertdious scoundrel.
 DIDN'T STAND THE TEsT.-A young man read in paper few days ago that If you wanted to find out if the woman you had selected for your future spouse had good temper you ought 10 take occasion to step on her dress, or snap the sticks of her fan, or in some way annoy or discompose her. s'If,'' said the great authority who presides over the column of advice. elf she betrays no sign of ill-temper, she will prove model wife," Accordingly the young man seized an opportunity when his sweetheart was rigged in her most kill Ing array to step on her trail and pull out about three yards of gathers, with rip like peal of thunder, exposing about three-quarters of the frame work that makes her dress stick out behind. But instead of meeting the accident with perfect equanimity, she turned round and jabbed her parasol in his eye, called him lrng-haired leper, and asked him why he didn't wear his feet sideways. He expressed himself thank ful that he didn't marry the girl before hndlng out what sort of temper she had; but the doctor doesn't think his eye will grow out again.
 'WHAT do we call money ?"-Tr56une. Well, by several or more names. Some describe it as ''spondulix," some as ''the stuff," some as "the sugar" some as "rhino," some as "spoons," some as S'the ready" others as ''brads." The French call it ''l'argent," the English s'the needful," in Mexico, casting" In the South it is ''rocks," in the East ''tin," in the West "rags," in Canada 1t goes by the name of "spelter.'' Here abouts it is ''short."
 A GENTLEMAN, well known for his parsimonious habits, having billeted himself on his acquaintance in Edin- burgh during some royal visit, was talking to friend on his return of the great expense of living. "How much, now. do you suppose 1 spent in Edin- Durgh?" E'I do not know" replied his friend: 'I should suppose about fort- night."
 TOMMY is fond of sugar, and asks his mother for some to eat with his strawberries. She refuses. He appears resigned, but adds gravely: 'You know, mamma, what happened round the corner? There was a little boy. and his mother would not give him any sugar on his strawberries, and'- And ?'-"And next day he fell into we'll"
 ''WAs MIR. CHIssELM very popular man when he lived in your town? ?'' in- quired a busybody of friend. Il should think he was," replied the gen tleman, "as many persons endeavOred to prevent his leaving; and several of them, including the Sheritf's deputy, followed him some distance.'
 A TEACHER had been explaining to his class the points of the compass. All were drawn up in front towards the north. ''Now, what is before you, John?'' ''The north, sir" "What is behind you, Tom2" My coat tail, sir" said he, trying at the same time to get glimpse of it.
 JENKINS will be so exact in his oues- tions that it is difficult to answer him. lie reads in morning paper about a man who fell into the rlver-''his name was not ascertained," and innocently enquires-"If his name was not Ascer tained, then what was it?
 "Do YOU SEE that fellow loungino?'' said Bumkins, the other day. "Yes. How does he manage to live-bv his wits?" 70, no! he's a cannibal.'' "A cannibal! How?'' 'He lives on other people," was B.'s reply, as he vanished around the corner.
 THAT was a very tender hearted young man who, on being told that his wife, who had left the house an hour before, was drowned, and that her body was found only mile or SO below, said: 'She must have foaued down quite lively"
 A RESIDENT fisherman fishing for trout on another mans land, the other day, completely silenced the owner who reconstructed, with the majestic an- sWer, "Who wants to catch your trout? am only trying to drown this worm."
 WELL, Miss C., here I am again, you see, as regularly as the fever-and- ague.' o, mo- said she, very demurely,' that comes only every other day. He declares he will not call again for whole week.
 A BOY WAS much exercised for fear he would not know his father when