The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1877-03-09

letter from the dry humorist who
writes the following, that it bears re
publishing:
Dear girls, you are in search ov'
husband.
This IL n pumpcr, and yu are moi
required lcw say eyes" out loud, bu
are expekicd tn throw yurc eyes down
onto the ground as tho yu wuz looking
for a pin, and reply tew the interroga
d tory with kind ov drauln sigh, a'
tho yu vu1 eating an oyster, juice anC
all, oil FROM the shell. - IL
Not tew press so tender a theme
until it bekums a thorn in the flesh
We will presumc-to avoid argument
that yu arc on the lookout tor some
thing in the male line tew boost yu in
the up hill ov life, and tew keep his
eye on the britchiug when you begin
tew 20 down the other side oy the
mountain. let mel give yu sum
small chunks ov advice how tu spot
yure fewture husband.
/. Tho man who i1 jellous ov every
little attenshun which va git from
some other feller, yu will fnd, after
You sru married tew him, be iuvs
himself more than he duz yu, and
what yu mistook for solissitude, yu
will diskover, hsy changed into iudif-
ference. Jellousy isn't hart diseze!
il iza liver komplaint. .rr O.
,. A mustash is not Indispensable;
il IL only little more hare, and IL a
good de i like moss and other eXcress-
encss-oiten duz the best on sile that
won't raizc any thing else. Don't
forget that tbozs things which W pi-
mire in a pheller before marriage, yu
will probably have tew admire in a
husband after and a mustash will get
tu be very weak diet after long
time.
3. If husbands could be put on iri-
al, NJ Irish cooks are, tew thirds OF
them would probably be reiurped; but
there don't seem to be any law for this
\ therefore, girls, va will see tlet, after
va git man yu hev tew keep him ev-
en- If yu luse on him. Konsequenly,
if va have got emmy kold viltlcs in the
hous, try him ON them, once in a while
during the securing season, aud If he
swnllers them well, and ser he will
take sum more, he IL II man who,
when blue Munday Gums, will wash
we'll.
4. Don't marry Il pheller who IL al
wus tellia how hi1 mother duz things.
1t IL as hard tew suit these men M it
ia tew weenN youhgene.
3. II a young man kan beat yu
playing on u pinanner. aud kant hear
a fish horn play in the street without
uurning a buck smnmerett on account
ov the musick that IL in him, | say
say strip him, he might answer to tend
the babe, and if yu set him tew hoe
1 ing out the garden, yu will fud
! that vi have got tew do II your
self. \ man whoze whole heit
lies in musick iand not hefty at that, J
rin't no better for husband than n
4 Ssedhtil powder; but IL be iuvs tew
flis,eh whitley va sing sum gentle bal
lad. yu will find him meller and not
soft. But don't marry ennybody for
jist one virtew emmy quicker than yu
4 would'iiop man for jist one fault. D p
4 6. itis one ov the most tuilesi
things for female tcw be an old maid
successfully, \ great menny have
tried it aud made a bad job oy it. Ev-
erybody seems tew look upon Old
maids jist as they do upon dried yarbs
. in ,be gar,et-handy fox sickness-and
therefore, girls, Ii amt a'mistake that
yu should be willing to swap yourself
oph with sum true phellow, for hus-
band. The swopiz a good one; but
done swop for eany man who IL re-
spektable jist bekause his father IL.
Iu had better be an old maid for 4
thousand years. and then join the Sha.
kers, than tew buy repentance at this
price. No woman ever made this
trade who didn't get either phool, a
mean cuss, ora clown for a husband.
Z. In digging down into this subject
| find the digging harder the further
git. 1t is much easier tn inform yu
who not tew than who tew, for the
reson there is more ov them.
] don't think you will foller mi ad
wise, if civ it, aud therefore, | will
keep it, for | look upon advise MS dc
upon castor ile-a mean dose to give,
aud a mean nose tew take.
But must say one thing, girls, OF
spile. lfyou can find bright-eyed
healthy and well-ballasted boy, whC
looks upon poverty az sassy as a child
looks upon wealth-who had rather sil
, doan on the curbstone, in front ov the
9TH ayenue-hotel. aud eat ham sand
= wich, than tew 80 inside and run il
: debt for his dinner and tooth-pick-
{ one who il armed with that kind oN