The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-08-31
VARIETIES.
When is horse not worth shilling ?
IMhnn IL 10 worth Loco (unrthlnseA

| Wnen III Is WOTIn less (WortnleSS,J
-"Love," says an amorous writer, 4" i
an internal transport" An exchange re
marks, "The same might be said Of
canal-boat."
ALL flies are very wise. No one eve
knows, as he sits in a doze, how much {
fly knows that alights on his nose, till HI
levels the blows, when away the fly goes
Mr.. W. J. Barber, proprietor of thu
Willimantic Comm Journal, has been EN-
ploying his spare moments of late in per
fecting and patenting bronzing machine
One of Ben Franklin's sayings wal
this: If man empties his purse in hi
head, no man can take it from him. An in
vestment in knowledge always pays thu
best interest"
| "A man left bony steed in the street
and on coming back discovered that 6
wag had placed a card against the flesh
less ribs bearing the notice, Goats wanted
Inquire within"
| "A Scotch schoolmaster was teaching
an urchin to cipher on the slate, the pupil
put the following question to his instruc
tor: "Whaur dir a. the figures gang til
when they're rubbit out 2"
"A doctors wife tried the persuasive
effect of her tears. wife," said he "tears
are useless" have analysed them. They
contain a little phosphate of lime, some
chloride of sodium, and water"
-"You politicians are queer people,
said an old business man to an impecunious
partisan. GLOW so ?" asked the politician
"Why, because you trouble yourselves more
about thepayment of the debt of the State
than you do about your own"
Here is bit Questionable intelligence
from the Kansas City Times: "The
daughter of Mr.. Prodigy, of Twelfth street
has returned to her fathers house from a
visit East and O how many fond and
foolish boys rejoice over that Prodigy gals
return.
In the Mount Auburn Cemetery,
Boston, is lot containing five stones, one
at each corner, and one in the centre. The
latter is inscribed "Our Husband" and
the others respectively bear "My /. Wife,
"My II. Wife" "My III. Wife," and My ~.
Wife,"
- A horse thief was summarily shot in
Kern county, California. The Justice be-
fore whom the murderers were taken said;
"Your conduct is reprehensible. 1t was
well enough to shoot him, but you ought
to have tried him first. / severely repri
mand YOU"
-"Talking of law" says Pompcy,
"makes me tink of what dc mortal Cato,
who lived most thousan' years ago, once
said De law am like ground glass
window, dat give light enough to light us
poor erin mortals in the dark passengers
of dis Life; but it would puzzle de debble
hisself to see troo it."
They were husband and wife and as
they stood before the Capitol at Washing
ton she asked: "What's that figure on top2"
"That's goddess" he answered. "And
what's a goddess 2" GA woman who
holds her tongue" he replied. She look
ed at him sideways and began planning
how to make peach pie with the stones
in it for the benefit of his sore tooth.
In court room-A lawyer to his
client am sorry, poor fellow, but,
Notwithstanding my eloquence, you have
been sentenced to prison for three months.
"Oh don't let that worry you," was the
answer, II am not sorry. In the neighbor-
hood where live they will think have
gone to the country, and that will give me
a social status"
-"Who is that lovely young girl ?" ex-
claimed the witty Admiral Farragut to
his friend President johnson, as they were
walking arm in arm along Pennsylvania
Avenue. "That," said the President, is a
Miss Glass of Tennessee" "Glass !" reiter-
ated the facetious old sailor 81 should of.
ten be intoxicated should / put such
glass to my lips"
One winters day the Able c., worthy
Alsatian priest, was wandering through
the woods with his three cornered hat I'M
der his arm, when he met some woodmen,
of whom he asked his way. They remain
ed covered, and one cried out: 4" Put on
your hat, parson, calfs head is only good
hot" "You are right" gravely replied
the priest putting it on. "Off with your
caubeens, you thieves of the world, pigs
heads are only good cold"
An Exeter jury found a man guilty,
and then recommended him to mercy, be-
cause it was not clearly proved that he had
committed the offence charged against
him. There was less logic in their pro-
ceeding than in that of the Poole jury,
who, although prisoner confessed himself
guilty, yet acquitted him because, as the
foreman afterwards explained to the aston
ished judge, the prisoner was such liar
that they could not believe him.
The other day boy started to carry
home yellow-jackct's nest to tic to the
dogs tail to have some fun. He didn't
get the nest all the way home, as it became
so heavy he couldn't carry it, but he sue
ceeded in coaxing most of the yellow
Jackets to accompany him the whole dis
lance, and they supplied him with so much
amusement that he hasn't once thought of
fun or the dog since, and doesn't think he
ever will.
"A scientific exchange tells GLOW to
Shoot Dog" This is n valuable and
timely bit of information. Some persons
shoot dog with pitchfork, others take
a club; and more DISCHARGES brick at
him; while few shoot the animal with a
base ball bat. The scientific journal
aforesaid says you must shoot him with a
revolver, or rifle, or shot gun. 1t
must be admitted that these weapons have
some advantages over those first named-
NoqTist0aon Herald.
The sea is the largest of all cemeteries.
and its numbers sleep without monuments,
All other grave-yards, in other lands, show
some distinction between the great and
the small, the rich and the poor, but in
the great ocean cemetery the king and the
clown. the prince and peasant, are alike
undstlnguishtd The same waves roll over
all the same requiem by Ministries of the
ocean is sung to their honor. Over their re-
mains the same storm beats, and the same sun
shines, and there, unmarked, the weak and
the powerful, the plumed and the unhonorcd,
will sleep on forever.
1t is estimated that three-fourths of
the honey bees labor is bestowed upon
thn continuation of his comb and only