davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

In Iowa merchant sent dunning
letter to a man, who replied by return
mail in these words You say you
are holding my note yet. That is all
,ight-perfectly right, Just keep
holding on to it, and if you find your
hands slipping, spit on them and try
it again. Yours affectionately, &C..
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Josh Billing says: "If you are go
ing to give a man anything. give it to
him oheerfully and quick. don't
make him get down on his knees in
front of you and listen to the ten CON-
mandments and then give him five
cents.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

There is a gift that is almost a blow,
and there is kind work that is mu-
nifcence, so much is there in the way
Of doing things.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

A French tourist, on a visit to the
Centennial last summer, wrote no ne:
Americans live we'll up to their in
come, and insure their lives for the
balance
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

An Irishman having cen told that
the price of bread had been lowered,
exclaimed: THAT is the first time
that ever rejoiced at the fall Of my
best friend
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Once we made bet with a lady
friend that the first time we passed a
certain hotel, we should hear them
talk horse To prove it we started
together to pass the hotel in question
and Just as we got opposite the door,
one man said to another, "Bill, do
YOU remember the OIL, heavy black
mare?' That settled it she paid for
the ice cream that night. If you
don't believe this, ask L. S.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

II suppose our minister breaches
well" remarked a Michigan lady,
"but I'm so busy looking at the
fashions that I really never hear any
thing he says
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Wood fires are becoming fashion
able again in itew York because they
are now sufficiently expensive. Moth
ing less than a million can support,
the style of an oldfashioned backlog
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

A man in New Orleans advertises
that he will tuition in law, religion
and journalism, fitting anybody to
become an able lawyer, clergyman or
editor in one year"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Mrs. Partiugdon says that Ike has
bought horse SO spurious that he al
ways goes off in decanter.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Noticing in the sand footprint
about fourteen inches long. Snooks
sishs and said: THAT fellow Jones
is here; that's his monogram"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

The Cambria iron works have sold
throughout this country within the
last twenty-one years more than one
million tons Of iron.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

A Chicago girl while crossing Lake
Superior last September lost one of
her shoes overheard, and now cap
tains of vessels arriving at Duluth
are telling very strange stories of a
mysterious marine monster which
thsy sighted during their trips.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

The Paris papers have accounts Of
an American railway accident ION the
wooden bridge near Ash sabula on
Salt Lake.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Sheriff Wallace, of Cincinnati, has
been arrested for abducttng the MUIR
derer of Professor Cato while held as
a witness to election frauds last fall.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

This is the first Presidential elec-
tion within the memory Of a man that
has pleased both parties.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

We see that in certain hospital
they "have a physci IN of sixty years
standing. 1t is time be was allowed
to sit down.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Of what beverage did Julius Caesar
die ? Or Roman punches administered
by Brutns.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

"Tom why don t you marry miss
c."
"Oh, she had sort OF hesitancy in
her speech, and so l left her.
"a hesitancy in her speech? nev-
er heard that before. Are you not
mistaken"
mo, not at all for when I asked
her if she would have me, she hesita-
ted to say Yes, and hesitated SO long
that | went out for another gal"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

A man is 1850 times as large as
the common honey bee, and yet it is
useless to try to argue tie matter
with the bee.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Why doesn't Sweden have to send
abroad for Cattle? Because she keeps
hor Stick holm.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

A colored woman collected fifty
bushels Of grasshoppers and scalded
and dried them for Winter chicken
feed.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

A colored barber, at Tyrone, ,eloped
some days since with married white
woman.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

don me-
A murmur ran through the gallery,
evidently from the people taking
sides with the defendent, and against
long traixs in general, and the lady in
particular.
The judge called to order, and
asked:
Are you satisfied with the defen-
dant's explanation?'
Not at all satisfied. demand two
hundred rubles in payment for my
torn dress
Defendant will you pay this sum-
I would have paid it long before
this had l been in a position to do so.
Unfortunately, I am poor. My pay
as an officer is all l have to live on.
'Yol hear complainant, that the
defendant is not able to ray the sum
you demand of him. Do you still
wish the complaint to stand?'
AN unbroken silence reigned
throughout the hall, and the young
officers breath could be heard coming
hard.
/ wish it to stand. The law shall
give me my rights.
There ran through the rows Of pso-
pie mnrmur Of Indignation that
sounded like rushing water.
Consider, complainant, the conse-
qnences Of yonr demand. The de-
tendant can be punished only through
being deprived Of his personal liber-
ty, and by that YOU could obtain no
satisfaction, while to the defendant it
might prove the greatest injury in
his rank and position as an officer
who is poor and dependent upon his
pay. Do you still insist upon your
copplant?'
i still insist upon it..
The course the affair was taking
seemed to have become painful to the
ialy's husband. He spoke with his
wife urgently, but, as could be seen
by the way she Leld up her head aud
tie energy with which she shook it,
quite uselessly. The judge was just
going on to further consideration Of
the case, when a loud voice was
heard from the audience:
4 will place two hundred rnbles at
the service CT the defendant. >
There followed a silence, during
which a gentleman forced his way
through the crowd aud placed him
self bv the young officers side.
Sir, am the Prince W., and beg
YOU will oblige me by accepting the
loan OF the two hundred rubles in
question:
Prince, am not worthy Of your
kindness, for | don't know if | shall
ever be able to pay the loan, answer
ed the young man in voice tremu-
lous with emotion.
Take the money, at all events. |
can wait until you are able to return
it,
Thereupon the prince held out two
notes Of hundred rubles each and
coming close up to him, whispered a
few words very softly. There was a
sudden lighting up of the officer S
face. He Immediately took the two
notes, and, turning toward the lady
handed them to her with a polite
bow.
4 hope, madam, you are satisfied.
With malicious smile she reached
out her hand for the money.
yes, now am satisfied
With scornful glance over the
crowd Of spectators, she prepared to
leave the court room on her hus-
bands arm.
Stop, madam said the officer, who
had suddenly become like another
man, with firm and confident man
ner.
What do you want?'
The look that the young woman
cast upon him was insulting as posi-
BILE.
I want my dress, he answered,
with slight but still perfectly polite
bow.
Give me your address and I will
send it to you.
oh, no, my dear madam, I am in
the habit of taking my purchases
with mo at onca Favor m with the
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

MAY they always live in peace and
harmony, was the way a Yankee
marriage notice wound up; but the
oompositor who couldn't read manu-
script very we'll, put in type and hor-
ri6ed the happy couple by making
it read MAY they always live on peas
and hominy.'
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Why is the letter S" like lamb ?
Because it is the beginng Of sheep.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22
CHANGE OF TIME
WESTERN MARYLAND Il. ROAD,


, tSB@@XsSX s.Sx---1ss$E1xX|x%
i'm and after Sunday, Nov. 26, 1875,
~ Passenger Trains will run as fol-
lows:
LEAVE MECHANICSTOWN
For Baltimore and Westminster at 1874 A.
NJ, and BAT P. N.
For Hagerstown and Williamsport 11:22
A NJ and 7:07 P NJ
ARRIVE MECHANICSTOWN
From Baltimore and Westminster at II
% A NJ and 7:07 p NJ
From Wiiliamsport and Hagerstown at
7:35 q m, and 3:47 pm
EMMITTSBUKG RR.-Trains South
will leave Emmittsburg ut 7:10 and 1925
q m, and 325 and g. 10 p m, arrive at Rocky
Ridge at 1885 and 1880 a m. and $50 and
6:35 pm. North-I.cave Rocky Ridge at
7:5O and Hos a m, and 4:05 and $50 p M,
and arrive at Emmitsburg at S:l5 and II
80 M, and 4:30 and 7:15 p NJ.
J. NJ. HOOD,
Genl Manager.
B. H. GRISWOLD,
Gen'l Ticket Agent.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

The other day when a resident Of
Cass avenue hired a boy to carry III
ton Of coal he forgot to make bar
gain, and when the job had beer
completed he inquired:
We'll, bub how much do owe
you?'
oh, I dunno replied the boy.
Cant you name a sum-
I could, l 'spose, said the lad
hut mother said if left it to you c
get twice what the job was worth
He received enough to convince
him that truth always pays.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

When is candle like a tombstone =?
When it is put up for late husband.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22
DIRECTORY
ur FREDERICK COUNTY
AND
The Borough of Mechanicstown
COUNTY OFFICERS:

COUNTY OFFICERS:
Chef Judge-Hon. r. l. Bowie.
Amoc,u,e,-Hons. John A Lynch and W.
V. Bouic.
States Assorney-John c. Motter.
Clerk of Circuit Court-Thomas Cor
such.
Sheri1-John Sweadner.
Auditor-Fred'k J. Nelson.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

St. Peters church at Rome will
hold $4,000 persons.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

What price valentine did you send
her?
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

A BOYS COMPOSITION OK ICE.-1
like it best Ice is good for great
many things. 1t is good to skate on,
and it is sood to make ice cream. |
like to skate. Sometimes ! lend my
skates to Lizzie Jones, and she lets
me buckle them on for her. She wears
striped stockings, with red and blue
and whit, stripes running around
them, and her legs look like stick
of candy. Father says ice is good in
cobblers. l don't know why it is
better in cobblers than other ways
| suppose | shall be a great deal wis
er when l grow up. like ice cream
with plenty Of vanilla in it. There
is more ice cream in summer than
there is in winter, and more ice in
winter than in summer. There are
heaps OF things | cannot understand.
Mother says if l eat too much ice
cres m it will make my stomach hurt
| eat all l want, but | am caerfuul
not to eat too much because mother
tells me not too. When next winter
comes Lizzie Jones and / are going to
skate some more. There will not be
any more winter until after the sum-
mer comes. The seasons are mighty
odd in this country. Sometimes win
ter comes before summer, and some
times summer comes before vinter.-
Spring always comes after winter
Father says | may have a new pair
of skates next summer. When | get
to be a man l am going to pour red
stuff on the ice, to VAIN it, before [
put it in my mouth like father does.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

tom why don't you marry Miss
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1877-02-22

Job Work-CASH ON DELIVERY
The Osceola times., 1877-02-17
Mardl Gras.

MENPnis, FEBRUARY l3.-Notwith
slanoin,' he day opened cloudy and
lhrealo' / Y, a"d during the tore
noon II light ram fell, yet tclcgram'
from the Sigual Service Department
nj Washington gave ASS nance that
the festivities ot the Carnival would
not be interrupted by ram, and
during the entire day Main and
other prominent streets were filled
with masters aud spectators, and
| the entire city was given up Ia the
reign Of the Merric Monarch who
AT 3 O'Clock, traversed Main street
with his royal rciinuc and tram OF
camels and royal palanquin, noun.
ted on an elephant, but to-day His
Majesty was Wountcd on a royal
Chariot driven by twelve white
ste, ds and attended by the Society
of Ulks who had thirteen com g
floats or cars, each being n good
burlesqne ON some subject, prom
inent among Which was the Baby,
the Universal King, in n royal
cradle the vcscd Eastern and
eternal question OF Turkey, pre-
scented by nm enormous turkey,
with representation of different Eu
ropcan powers anxious 10 take o
slice with sword Der Wacht am
Rhine Origin Of Chivalry ;St. Pat
rick banishng the Snakes, etc,
which were well represented and
duly appreciated by the many
thousands who witnessed it; but
the crowning glory WAS the gor
gcous pageant oi the Memphis at
night the Il ,rkncss which ov1rhung
the city scrvIrg to heightcn the ct-
feet OF the brilliant parli-colorcd
lights which displayed in all its
granduro the magnificent costumes,
drapery and architecture of he
character scenes represented, Ma y
street being brilliantly illuminated
hy means OF calc nm lights and
chemical fires, tho subject represeu
ted bong India from the date OF
Aryar philosophy and the birth OF
Brahma, to the slavemcnt OF that
land aud IT'S abandonment by the
spirit OF Mcmph. The costumes
were from PARIS by Noonan, and
the scenic paintings by tho best
SC me artists 10 be procured.
Alter the Iageanl n series OF tab
lcaux were given at the New Mem
phis Thoalor, alter which grand
ball was given 10 the guests OF the
Mcmphi. Balls were also giving at
Exposition Hall Opera House and
numerous other halls. The whole
affair passed of without single
disturbance or actideht to mar the
festivities. 1t is estimated that
from 10000 to 25,0O0 strangers
were pres Mt.
The Osceola times., 1877-02-17
WANTED.

By n reliable and trustworthy
servant, n situation in ulty. town
or country. Can furnish the most
satisfactory references from many
ot the best families in America /:
My qualifications us family SER
want are:
First-l am of cgc and have Il
powerful arm.
Second have n good form, am
well built, my general appearance
is prepossesslng, and | have an iron
constitution.
Third Have extra power OF
endurance, AID will never give out.
FOURTH need no doctor, and
never have fits.
Fifth am good worker, and
willing to work at all times.
SIxth-Rcquire no rest, as |
never tire.
Seventh-All the food | require
is few drops of oil each day, which
makes me exceedingly nimblc.
Eigh,h-lIave not n single vice
or bad habit.
Ninth-Never ask for a holiday
Tonth-Always do my work
well, no matter how fast am com
peiled TO work.
Elcven,h-Havc simple and
perfect dcvice for doing all kind,
Q. sewing.
| Tweliih-Can easily do the sew
ing of the largest families.
! Thlrtccnth-Was adopted i,
childhood, reared and educated by
II liberal aud wealthy firm of lhon
New York, who determined that
should excel all others Of my class
and in all contests for superiority
have never iaild TO sustain tha
position.
| Fourteenth-Having been EN-
lployd by families of all nationall
ties, can understand one Language
as well as another.
Fifteenth am friend TO ever,
one, and bring joy to the house
hold.
In fact no family can do wei
without MY services.
/ For further information call n
the
The Osceola times., 1877-02-17
A SURE CURE.

r or consumption. bronchitis, asthma. caiarril ,
throat aul lung diseases Also sure relief and
permanent cure for general debility, dyspepsia,
and all nervous ancclions, by simple vegetable
medici q. which cured u NcucIaile missionaI y
ph, sician who was long resident OF syria aud
The las aud who has freely given thus valuable
specific to thousands of Kindred sufferers with
the greatest pnsshlc benefits, and hr nov I els
il his sacred christian duty tu imp"rt To- others
this wonderful inyigulaiing remedy, and VIII
-.rd FREE the original recipe complete, with
nuIl directions, To any person enclosing stamp
for reply pn CLARK \ Romans,
Greedy Block, syracuse, \. !.
a .. Box 16)
The Osceola times., 1877-02-17

"Men are like hymns remarks
an exchange newspaper. "Incr'
are short-meier men, sharp, blunt
md hasiy; there are long meter
men, slow, weigh,y and d'gr flied
there are hullelujah-mcicr men
mercurial, iervent aud inspiring
aud there are eighths and-scvcnih'
men. gentle. genial aud delightful
There are also some peculiar me
tcrs.'
The Osceola times., 1877-02-17

a Lfv'LY young widow has sued
senator Simon Cameron for breeeh
of prom,se, laying her damages at
s50,o01. Cameron is about 20 years
old. Who the deuce woull have
supposed such an old coon capable
of ini.icting so much damage on Il
young, susceptible and gushing
hearty
The Osceola times., 1877-02-17
That Amendment to the BIZ t.
Repeal the Court of Comm On
Pleas in Faulkner and
Mississippi Counties.

Daring the last canvas, we hid
ample opportunities, as well -
others, who were aspirants for pub.
lac !avors 10 ascertain i,,c will aud
wishes of the people upon all qucs
tions ctiecilng the policy and inter
sst Of tins county. The dog law,
The adoption ola county poor house
system, the paupcr tax, the school
law and tax, and the court of com.
mon pleas were all freely discussed
by the people and generally regard
ed as the great stumbling blocks to
the welfare and prosperity OF the
county, and from which the major
iiy OF the tax payers des red relief.
On the subject oi Common III as
Court, il was claimed, and univcr
sally admitted that II created a
hardship instead Of bencfiting li,i-
gants, that il ncccssilalcd Il great
"nllay of time aud money, comrc'- =
ling parties 10 n suit, and ~ was Of
ten the ease, n hos, OF witnesses To
leave their homes and work, TO bc
absent, for days at time, to at.
tend II trial in which was involved
u few pallry dollars. No man
knew The sense and wishes of the
people of the county better, on this
subject, than did Mr. II. Willia.ns,
and when II bill was introduced to
repeal the court of Common Pleas,
by the representative from Faulk
ner IN his county, Mr.. Williams
promptly moved to have NJ ssisip
pi included in the bill IT was done.
il passed the house, and then sent
10 the Senate. Ii may be ASKED,
why Mr.. Williams did no, intro
ducc u bill 10 that effect himself :
We can only say, that he went pre-
pared to do so, aud no doubt would
have introduced one in time, had
he not been anticipated by the gen
,leman from Faulkner, when all
that was necessary to be done, WIS
20 have Mississippi county included.
BIT be that rs ii may, while the
bill was awaiting the action OF the
the Senate, n petition, or memorial
was gotten up here in Osceola,
praying that body not to repeal,
but to amend the original bill: was il
forwarded to Mr.. Williams, our rep.
,esentativcy no, but to Capt. lIar.
rIs, OF tho Senate. OF course, he
knows the will and wishes of the
people OF tins county better than
any bodyCO Lake almost all peti
tions, il reflected the sentiments of
the man or men who originated it,
aud not those, we dare say, of oae
hali OF the signcrs, and we have no
doubt but many signed II without
any knowledge OF its contents, ex.
cept, perhaps, such us may have
been volunteered by those present
ing IT for signatures. Aud yet, we
find, from the published proceed
ings of the Senate, Mr.. Williams,
with full knowledge iba, tho pop.
nlar will Of the people he repre-,
sennts favored the repeal of thu,
obnoxious court, tamely submitting
TO this little game of the few who
are to be accommodated by ITS ex
tence uttering not word, or get
ting u single Senator to utter fol
him, in behalf of his constituency
'Oh, Lord, how long will tho vii
Of the majority be made subservi
ent 10 that Of tho few?
The Osceola times., 1877-02-17
The sum.
NEW YOR x.



The ain, rent editions of TnE srN during the
next year will be the same ~ during ;he year
that has just passed The daily e'lit.oG will ON
week days BE- n sheet Of tour lA.cr, and ON >uu-
days sheet of eight pages, or 10 broad colmnsi
while the weekly edition will br q sheet ul eight
lag,s ol the same dimensions aud character lnat
arr already familiar 10 our friends
1HE >CN Will cunlingc th be the strenuous ad.
vocltc of reform aud retrcuchlncnt, aud OF tho
sub -tiiu'ion ol statcsmanship, wisdom. and in
tegriiy FOR hollow prctense, mbecillty, and fraud
ia the administration OF public HiiHirs. IL will
contend for the government Uf the people by he
pcope Tor the people, a. opposed To government
by frauds ia the ballOi.huN aud In the counting
Of votes cnforccdby military violence II viii
endesvor 10 supp! IT, readeisa body now not
far Il ON % miiion OF souis--wtth the M, II care
ful complete, and trustworthy acruunt, Of cur
rent events, aud will employ fur thi- purpose .
NUMEROUS and carefully selected stan 81 rcPo",-
ers a corrcspund' MS lts rporls nom ,',r ,'s,'
ingtOn especially, will be full. accurate ai,d ica
less; and II wii doubtless continue a. u.se's,
aud enjoy the hatred Ui those Who pi,i,,., ~, n;
pltn,icring the treasury or BY usurpinS VIZ, ,,,r
law does not give them, white ~ Mlii enu, en",,',,I
to merit the confidence Of the lnhls oN
ing the rights uf the people against 'hc '"Ni'"N"
meLt> oi mjusliRcd power. -, .,,ts n
ThS pries OF The daily aoswaid s.S w or wuh the
The suspsY ciuCM alone, eight pages 81 ."
The Wrr@ IN, eight pages q y broad ,s.I
columns. Wi he furnished during is''' " '"'
rate OF aI year, post-pad ,.,,.o from, th,
The Hn,dt OF this large rehncn"m ',"i" ,.,1 we'd
hy/diyidual subscribers without "a. ,,," ir an,
~, hnds choose To aid IN extending our
,o,,,,i,n oui Ne shall be grateful 70 thcn, ahu
c"ery such person who sends ~ ten OF NOR ~
s'!r,h.r. ',r,,n one place will be eniit'd 10
sups.i ~ NV -, ~. nap.r inr himself without change
""' ao,d liar wear, postage raid, the expense
os naner ana printing are barely repaid anu
ca,.,r,,inc the sizc Of the sheet and the qua ny
-, ~ cont,.ut.. We aie corfdcat iAr people vii
| s,,icr rus WEKkLy SuS the chraptst news
.s,,,r raliisht / the world, and We trust ais'
one OF The very Ssst.
w Address. The Sum-