The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1877-06-26
Serse and Nuusense,

SeitSe dLiU @guVSeItSe.
"You never wear great coat,' OBJ
erved William Brough to Frank Tai
ourd" ''No," replied the wit, II never
wasp 8af
Why is a man ascending Vesuvius
ike man trying to kiss pretty girl -
Because he wants to get at the crater's
MOUTH t.n
A man out West who offered bail for
. friend was asked by the Judge if he
lad any incnmbrance on his farm. '.Oh,
7es," ssid he, my wife,"
Abraham Lincoln, during his attack
Of smallpox. said: "Now, am willing
10 see the Office seekers, for at last ]
have something can give 'em all"
"Don't believe there's any use in vac
said Yankee. "Had child
and he fell out of the win
dow the next day and got killed p
You can always detect bachelor by
the way he handles baby; but to be,
safe from loss it is we'll to use q borrow
ed baby in making the experiment. f
1t is seldom that q sick man leaves
will that somebody doesn't attempt to
break; but has anybody recently heard
of an attempt to break a woman's will ?
~ know am a perfect bear in my
manners" said a young farmer to his
sweetheart "No, indeed, you are not,
John you never Rugged me yet You
are more sheep than bear"
A Whitehall woman, who was told to
heap hot Goals upon the head of her
enemy. not having any Goals on hand,
squirted lot Of pepper sauce into the
eyes of her next door neighbor.
'Piety,' remarked an Arkansas preach
er to his congregation the other day,
"does not consist in noise. The Lord
can see you give to the needy just as
easily as he can hear you pray the roof
off," l'srr uc'f7Jf'7s' i@..
"My brains are on frer' exclaimed
an excited lady to her husband. "Well,
my DEAR" said the unfeeling man, taking
a revolver from drawer, '.just hold
still moment, and / will blow them
out!" fa-i @ 4eaa
An Irishman called at drug store to
get q bottle OF liniment for the rheuma-
tism the druggist asked him in what
part of the body it troubled him most
"Be me SOUL" said he, al have it in iv-
cry houl and corner er me-"
An auctioneer, while expatiating on
the merits of telescope, sagely obser-
we'd: "How often has the widows heart
leaped for Joy when she has beheld her
husband at distance, brought near to
her by such an instrument as this!'
A Scotch blacksmith, being asked the
meapipg-of ametaphysics," explained it
as follows; "When the party that lis
tens dinna ken what the party who
speaks means, and the party who speaks
dinna ken what he means-that is meta
physics" ~
"Have you ever read Watts on the
Mind 2" asked lady Of an old bache-
lor. "Ohr' exclaimed he, ''if you only
knew what's on my mind, and yet dare
not tell your "Why, do tell" cried
she He did. The wedding came of
in month.
Curran was once defending a Miss
Tickle before Judge who could take a
joke, Said the, lawyer: "Tickle, my
client, the defendant, my lord" when
the judge cynically replied: Tickle
yourself, Curran you're as we'll able to
do it as l am -
A man who lately CO ommitted suicide
in Dubuque, left a memorandum for his
wife, saying: "Good.by, you old, scol
ding, read headed heathen!" On read
ing it, the widow was heard, to mutter :
81 should just like to have got hold of
him for one minute!" aa,' ,it7.r
1Why, Nellie, don't you know it is
unkind to catch hold of. your sister and
pull her hairf' SWELL, auntie, saw
yousholding Cousin Frank around. the
neck qnite tightly yesterday, when ma,
maswas out, and pulling his hair, and
he didn't say anything" sd ac tav..sr
Now. young man, listen while we tell
you how to pop the question. Get your
June bug well cornered where no one
can overhear you, and then poke this
conundrum at her: When will there be
only twenty-fveletters in the alphabet
Answer: When you and are made one
After that it is plain sailing. .siale9 a
A person who was recently called into
court for the purpose of proving the
correctness Of surgeons bill, was ask.
ed by the lawyer whether "the doctor
did not make several visits after the pa
tient was out Of danger "s s2"No," re
piled the witness,"I considered the pa
tient in danger SO long as the doctor
continued his visits" '.'i
Mr.. Spyker has, q boy who "nails'
things One day he remarked, in the
presence of both parents: aMa, / saw
pa kiss you in woodshed last evening
aHush, Johnnie; your pa never com
mitted such foolish act ~ eyes, b,
did, ma; cause l thought it was Jane
and Jane says it wasn't her, but .yonr 7
Jane doesn't work there now.
AS train stopped one fine morning
at station on the New York and New
Haven Railroad, a pompous old gentle
man, with the air of a man who ownet
all the estates in sight, stepped on tn
platform, and exclaimed, as though b
also owned the sunshine and the atmos
phere: SIS not this exhilarating ?" "Nc
sir; this is Mount Vernon" quietly re
sponded the conductor. g 5
A newly married couple found them
selves in a railway carriage, with onl
one fellow passenger, who appeared t
sleep soundly. Soen the lady CONNER
ced to call her young husband all th
endearing names tina. natural histor
can supply. The traveller reused ul
begged the lady to call her partner
sNoah's Ark at once, and allow ohil
to sleep quietly. ;".a 3" iis ln i
One must be an inventor to read wei
The proverb says, "He that would brin
home the wealth of the Indies must ca
ry ont the wealth of the Indies" Tbel