Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1877-12-08
NO. 29O
MY NIFE'S LOSSES.
BY ROSE TERRY COOKE.

have already celebrated my wife's
nose but she has one more peculiar trait
which remains to be painted. Bless her
dear little soul She may not be a. beau
iiful as Venus or wise As Minerva, but she
is the most amusing wife man ever had.
Age cannot whher, not customs stale
Her infinite variety"
The other day young and lovely bride
called on US. Her lace was calm, her ewes
bright, her color glowing, sher hair itch
and lus,rous, the words OF truth and So
berne-s fell from her lips. You could not
tail to admire her. She would be model
housekeeper. u good molher-''mild vet
firm, as the old owl said to his son Billy
! -decorous, proper. excellent to the end
OF her days Shall | confess that the call
bored rue exceedingly | suppose that
my total depravity came to the surface Just
then. As Tor Nan she turned toward me
with sigh, half slihed, and a pretty,
~isttul, enqnring look.
! "lsn I she nice, JackP do declare I
think she's lovely. You can depend on
her every time. She'll be just in the right
! place from now till never. Oh dearir
Yes" said |, that's all true. Nan; but
there is such lack OF unexpectedness
| about her that | should hate her in a
week"
"Oh, you dear old thing that's why
you love me, isn't it.
And she threw herself into nv arms in
the most gushing manner, and Bit the tin
OF my ear! She really did; not entirely
In savage fashion, but as a kitten bites
That was unexpected, certainly" said
|. with a grimace. rubbing the injured
member. But Nan did not sy mpathize.
She withdrew herself calmly and began
| To hunt about the room in o most vivacious
manner.
What are you looking for now, Nan ?"
She resented the emphasis with look
OF rage at me, for this was sore point
But as the search went on, she grew des-
perate, she turned TO me and remarked
not TOO sweetly:
"lt you must know l can't find ms
other ivory needle"
couldn't help it had to laugh. The
needle was stuck through the dark knot
OF her hair like Roman girls dagger.
"Oh.' said she when | told her-an
"oh that ought to be written staccato, if
| only had a Dit OF score to do it. For my
wiie's losses are the family delight. New
er was such an inconsequent woman made.
She knows where all my things are, and
| i
venture to ask where my stockings live.
or what has become of my white vest. And
the drawers that belong to little Graciiiis,
her niece, are miracles OF order and the
luckless child is visited with Trades from
her aunty, il an apron is mislaid. or shoe
wandering from its own place. This is
all very nice for Graciis and me /; but
when 1t comes TO her own things, ii they
were created out OF original atoms every
time she wanted them they could not be
more astray or longer in coming together.
Well do remember when we moved
from the hotel to our little house. the an.
euish OF mind which pervaded Mans at
mosphere. But after three days we looked
about Us and found most things ..were
somewhere" as she lucidIy stated it. Still
there were three bottles oi claret to be ac-
counted ior-the last OF dozen which a
kindly friend had sent us to mitigate the
austel tiles Of hotel table. 1t was yerv
good claret the taste was clean, and toll
erabiy mild and the bouquet fine. This
ii was which recommended il to my wife.
She would hang over her glass like bee
above ii blossom, with diate nostrils and
dreamy eyes-"Oh, Jack, it is like Eng.
lish violets :" the dinner. such as it was,
growing cold on her plate, till l was
obliged To suggest that her food was wait
ing To be eaten, and perfume would not
supply the place of beef and bread. But
those three bottles OF claret were gone.
Nan knew perfectly well she had taken
them III a basket when | carried her and
lew other precious things over to the
house in my buggy.
You see didn't wantto put any tempt
atioH IN Polonlus's wav, Jack. SO took
them myself. l know did,"
Let me put parenthesis here and rise
to explain that Polonius is not the immor.
tai adjunct in Hamlet, but only my wife's
queer way OF saying Malony, which is
our washerwoman's name.
But if you put them there, Nan, we
must have taken them out"
"Oh, Jack, what geese men are Don't
you know you lett the buggy and went up
stairs to fetch that lovely vase you broke
on the steps after all; and how do you
know who helped themselves to that clar-
ct then ?"
There was a double flavor to this
speech, sort OF mental pepperment that
made me feel two ways al once. lust AS
that popular aromatic makes your mouth
hot and cold together. | at least was free
| from blame about the claret, but then
| Was brought to recolect that broke the
vase.
Perhaps though" she went on, "you
might have put it under the buggy seat,
and in that case it may still be at the lv-
cry stable. Oh, do go right away and
| see"
So meekly walked over to the stable
but though searched in every crack OF the
buggy. there was no claret there.
| Then Polonius was iDterrogated She Is
an excellent creature. but afflicted with
fluent piety of speech, whose liberal dis
pensation on all occasions is not quite
reverent.
ELLEN, don't you remember seeing
| three tall dark bottles on the window al
the Blank House when you were helping
me to pack ?"
Indeed thin ma'am. ricollect thin
ln,ilelv. standin in q row by the windy;
and I've splendid memory. glory be to
God y It's niver gone back on me yit ~
Ibid you see them put into basket P'
"Deed n don't call TO mind seen ye