The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1877-11-06
THE TRUE TEST or AFFECTION.
How Mrs. Bolts Outwftted var.
Thorpe-Two Wrecks That
as One.
Max Adler b the philaaelphIa BulletIn.

Max Adler IN the Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mr.. Thorpe is a middle-aeed widow
er, and some time ago he paid his ad-
dresses TO Mrs. Bolts, widow on the
shady side of forty. Thorpe is rich,
and after the widow accepted him, he
began 90 fear that may be she had TAX
en- HIM for his money, and so he con-
cluded 20 test her TO ascertain il she
really loved himself alone. So one
evening when they were sitting togeth-
er in the parlor, he said 10 her:
Hannah, I've something unpleasant
30 tell you, but 1 am going to do 1t be-
cause consider it right that you
should know it. Hannah, what would
you say il informed you that one of
my knee-Pans is gone, and that have
a patent hinge on that lcg?"
II should say that 1 care nothing
for that, my dear; have only one toe
on my left foot. The others were frost
bitten of, and the ankle is all twisted
sround crooked"
"You don't tell mel" said Thorpe.
"Well, but I've something worse than
that. / might as well confess now that
tho bald place on top of my head is not
really my scalp; I've been trepanued.
/ have a silver-plated concern set into
my skull, kind Of skylight. You can
lift il up and see down on the inside Of
me.
''rm glad you mentioned it, dear"
said the widow, "for II gives me cour-
age 10 tell you that / havn't of my own
on my head. I'm as bald as O chade-
lier globe"
"Is that so? Graciousl never
should have expected il. But you will
be surprised TO learn that none of my
teeth are natural. All false, and be-
side that have TO wear an India-rub-
Der be thingamagig on my palate to keep
IL from dropping down" !"
81 am very sorry for you John, but
it's some comfort that all my teeth are
false, too, and that am perfectly blind
in my right eve. II looks like a good
eye, but it absolutely amt worth
cent.
"Great heavensl Why didn't you
tell me Of this before?" exclaimed
Thorpe. "But while we are on the
subject, ! will say further that l have
chronic torpidity Of the liver. How
does that strike your"
"Oh, I don't mind it, said Mrs.
Bolts. because / have been bilious
and dyspeptic for twenty years, and
besides, / am rib short. IL was brok-
en- in a railroad accident, and had TO
cut it ont. I'm subject TO fits, too.
"This is horrible" said Thorpe.
Mrs. Bolts, think You ought TO have
mentioned these things TO me when
WarnsRnrnI - Al 81 ktnk II
was addressing a woman, complete
human creature. But what are you,
Mrs. Bolts? Mrs. Bolts, you apper TO
me to be kind of dilapidated old
wreck, with no more'n half of the
usual machinery about you. It's a
wonder TO me you don't fall to pieces.
Il am no worse than You are. You
said yourself that you had a trap-door
in the top Of your head and gum-elas-
tic palate. -
"Yes; but these things amt true"
said Thorpe.
Il only told you about them 20 see
il you really loved me. Tn as sound
as a dollar; no inactive liver, or silver
plated skull or anything. But you
seemed 10 be kind of strung together,
SOS II you should knock against any
thing you'd scatter all around over the
carpet. ! think you ought to let me
of.
"Nery well, sir, go I will. But let
me tell you that I've got nothing the
matter with me either only invent
ed those stories 10 try you, because
knew you were playing a gone over
me. Now l know you don't love me.
You can 60, sir. ="
Hannah, take it ell back; do
love You.
"Do you, really? Then 1 love you
more than -"
But no; the curtain had better be
drawn right here. The cold aud selfish
world has no business with such scenes
IS this They are to be consolidated
early next month.