The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1877-04-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

WHY is a man who runs in debt like
clock because he goes on tick.
A CAKE Of new maple sugar in the
hand is worth two in the "bush.
WHY is young spendthrift like the
letter "y ?"-Because he makes pa pay.
WHY is your nose like the s'v'' in civ
lily because it is between two is
(eyes).
WHY is an anecdote-book like book
sellers shop because it contains many
authors
WHY is the letter cd" like wedding
ring because we could not be wed
without it.
WHY is a pig in parlor like a house
on fire because the sooner it is put
out the better.
WHY is an Irishman mending his
clothes like rich man because he is
taking in his rents
WHY is the letter " az like loud speak
ing to lady dull Of hearing because
it makes her hear.
"WHY is lady's belt like a garbage
cart ?" Because it goes round and
gathers in the waist.
WHY is room full of married people
like an empty room because there
is not a single person in it.
The first event of Importance that
happened in Rochester household af-
ter the introduction of blue glass was
twins.
| The foolish man will ask woman if
her baby is not trife cross-eyed, but
the wise man will make his inquiries by
postal card.
DRESSES are to be tied back tighter
than ever this year. IF a husband
kicks his wife on the shin the bruise will
be plain to the public eye.
SOME of the New England grocers are
giving away iron boot-iacks with every
or a maui kill 'em better?
A WESTERN editor publishes a poem
which "was written by an esteemed
friend, who has lain in the grave many
years merely for his own amusement"
CHILDREN are sent into the world to
teach us how lovely angels are; but when
man finds himself pasted to the seat of
a chair by piece of spruce gum he never
thinks of this.
PEOPLE who contend that the country
must return to the simplicity of our fore
fathers had better lead the way by eating
johnny cake, and having a hind patch
put on their pants
AND she 80 cool and practical,
Thus wrote him in reply:
''I see you write about kiss,
And lying down to die;
Battle in hot water love, your feet,
Crushed ice put on your head;
And then mild cathartc take
And go right straight to bed"
The Husbands Mutual Protection
Society,"" of Michigan, has recently
struggled with the question of the best
way to avoid having fuss with the, wife,
and announce that getting over six-rail
fence ahead of her is the safest.
"SoME confounded idiot has put that
pen where I can't find i" growled
man, the other day, as he searched about
the desk. "Ah, UNI, yes [ thought
so !" he exclaimed in lower key, as he
took the article from behind his ear
You can utilize your cake Of maple
sugar, if you find there is too much sand
in it to make molasses OF, by putting it in
a neat frame of cardboard, or some kind
of fancy work, in bright colors, and hang
ing up against the wall to light matches
on. It never wears out.
"Do YOU really believe, Mr.. Podkins,
that anybody could make head from
butter?' asked the landlady. "Well, yes,
ma'am, should think they might, said
Podkins, as he pushed back his individ-
ual butter plate; " somebody has got as
far as the hair with this"
AN intelligent Burlington hunting dog,
that had rather busy time last season,
went down to tin-shop one day last
week and had his hind legs and back
plated with sheet-iron. And now when
he sees his master looking at the gun he
smiles and remarks that he is ready to
hunt in front Of the best fancy shot in
Burlington.