Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1877-04-13
Teaching Calves to Drunk,
by LEWIS p. nj BEARD.

Ibis article Is written for the benefit OF
those farmers, and their sons, who are trying
to raise calves, aud especially for the benefit
Of Editor Tinkham of the Freeman, who
lives 10 quiet seclusion among the hills Of
old Pomifet. He has publicly expressed
great disgust at calf instruction, and a great
lack Of faith in any success in such kinds Of
teaching. Now to begin with, | confess
that he has good ground for his doubts, but
great obstacles may be overcome without
miracle. On my return from the classic
sanctum Of the FARMER to the somewhat
less classic COW stable, found ia two wide.
awake, vigorous calves chance for another
lesson in total depravity. That our success
might be complete, we let the calves run
with the cows two or three days that they
might become thoroughly familiar with the
natural sources aud methods Of getting a
living" We began operations at night, that
our total depravity, if it should get little
started, might have time to gain its usual
equipoise during the slumbers of the night.
Into good stout bucket We MIXED "R uby,"
the honored mother of one of the two sub
jects Of our experiment, and went into the
"barn flOor,"-the place where every shift
less farmer puts his calves-not without
some doubts whether we should soon be able
to say with the immortal Caesar, "veni, vidi,
vic." To lend dignity to the whole occasion
we hand named the young pair, "LAdy
Thornton, in honor Of the family name
Of the English minister plenipotcntary res.
ident in Washington for whom, as British
born subject l have good degree of respect,
--and bismarck" not that the calf has any
German blood in him, though his language
might indicate as much. l did it because
he showed some traits in common with the
hero of Sadowa, the rock against which Ma
poleon hurled his forces in vain. Lady T.
is beautiful inteligent-looking young miss
Of calf, of good size, we'll proportional
and pair Of eyes wide apart and charming
ly dOcile and winning. Backing her into q
three-sided corner,-most corners have but
two sides and an active calf will often man.
age to wiggle out, but this one had three
sides, and putting her neck into the stanch-
ions formed by my knees, holding the pai
hall-ful Of milk in my left hand, put into
her delicate, sweet-looking mouth the two
middle fingers of my right hand, gradually
lowering her head into the pail, and very
soon not only felt the milk passing up be-
tween my fingers, but received other proofs
of her delight. A few times she took bel
head from the pail, aud gradually l moved
my fingers and the first time trying found
she would drink alone. was elated-total
depravity was a myth-calves were born Ia
drink from a pail, aud soon had BismarcI
in Lady T.s place when 10, total depravitJ
cropped right out as big wOOdchuck BY
dint Of main strength and great perseverance,
! got his head properly into the pail, but h,
took it out most improperly and more than
once too. There is one thing | would neve
do to a man trying to teach such a calf a
Bismarck would never call his attention
to the Ten Commandments, as he might no
be in suitable frame Of mind to oOUside
them with that calm serenity 80 desirable
The night did not secure for me the equi
librium which l hoped for, aud having
hankering after little more sleep. LET
them to the care Of faithful Johnnie, VIII
reported Lady t. as good rs ever, aud Bis
marck tho same stubborn fellow as tn
, night before. All this was painful shoe
to my nerves--it upset some Of my philosc
ply IN a most ruthless manner, for it ha
( been a most tenaciOusly held theory tina
! more depravity belonged to the gentler SO
, than inheres 10 my own. But here was BIZ
, marck with bad heart, doubtless, but wit
I a most stubborn and depraved head.
5 would bob out Of that pail sixty times
Q minute or less-it insisted on having fu
r grasp Of my fingers, aud would not swalo
T a drop without them. reasoned with hin
s but in vain l told him, as pathetically as
q could. that he must do better or he would {
4 TO the shambles, but what cared he for Il
9 shambles 50 long us he could bite my 6nge
' and butt his head into pail Of milk
' threatened to leave him, but with nose q
q dripping with milk he was not SO easily le
= "alOno in his glory" as my besmirched frO'
t aud pants soon bore witness, and finally