The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1877-07-20
WHAT THE WITS SAY.
You can never tell how many wives by
brevet an eastern millionaire has until he
has been dead four or five weeks.-Hawk-
eye.
ST would not live always
ask not to stay; n
So he ate green peach,
And was carted away.-HaacEeye

And was carted away.-Hdackeye.
Young men of the middle classes are so
little disposed to marry these times that
parents of marriageable daughters will
have to resort to the seductive chromo.-
Turner's Falls Reporter.
"How many children have you ?" asked
friend of an old acquaintance. "Well, I
have five, but they were eating cucumbers
whenI left home, and they may all be
doubled mp now. oil City Call.
One of the most common spectacles on
the street just now is a young man with a
long duster, a carpet ,sbag, and some bor-
rowed money, speeding away to spend his
vacation in the country. BRIDGEPORT Stan
dard
"Do those bells sound an alarm of fire ?'
said a stranger, the other Sunday, as the
church bells were calling together the wor-
shippers. "Yes," was the reply, but the
fires is in the next world. .'-Turners Falls
Reporter.
"A stranger arrived in St. Louis, took a
look at the city and shot himself. In his
pockets were found 35 cents and a stub of
a lead pencil, which caused the coroner's
jury to return verdict: "Chicago editor
couldn't stand prosperity"
Stanley Matthews is a man who never
despairs. He paid twenty cents the
other day for an old blind hen, and has set
her on the Cardiff giant, and swears that
he will keep her there until she hatche ;out
the old Wing party if it takes thousand
years and kills the hen.-Hawkeye.
Over in Baxter street yesterday China
man became the father of an American
born son, and as he danced about, swing
ing his pigtail, he said -" Me Mclean
man, all samee old Grantee. Me heap
Washington. Me lightning rod agent.
Me P. I. man. Go way Whoopeew-N
7. Herald.
We can't just exactly explain where the
resemblance is, but somehow or other,
whenever we read that within fifty-six
hours after the robbery of a Wyoming
stage, company of United States cavalry
started in pursuit of the robbers, is always
puts us in mind of the revictualling of
Nicsic.-Hapkeye.
Time was when the college boating man
was "trained down" until his teeth showed
through his lips and there was not flesh
enough on his ribs to keep the sun from
warping them out of shape. But that time
has passed away; the boating man now
lives like an epicure, and rivals Nissics in
the frequency with which he is revictuaIed.
Worcester Press.
Better to smell the violet COOL than sip the glowing
wine;
Better to bark hidden brook, than watch diamond
shine.-Old Time Poet.
Better to taste the lager beer than smell the empty
glass;
Better to kiss pretty girl, than wink at homey
lass.--N0rriStoaDn Herald.
Better to have brceches patched than owe for
another pair;
Better to have your little cot matched when the
weather Is fail. ir.-buIt0n Times.
Better to wear a happy smile than go through life
Oil City Cal.
Better 70 run " daily paper" than driye behind
cart;
Better to have the stomach ache than ache within
your heart - Camden Post
Better to laugh o'er your own good luck. than weep
DER another's woes;
Better boil on your neighhors leg, than wart on
your own fair nose.-HdDkeye.