Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-03-29
The Story OF Missouri Ex.OfficIal.

Whether regular story -tellers = the
men, generally middle-aged, who have
relapsed into what has been aptly termed
their anec- dotage, and who delight in
impossible yarns-are really aware of the
gr0ssness Of their eXaggerations, is con-
undrum not yet answered. Doubtless
many of them believe what they say, but
some of them cannot, simply because the
stories, to use current idiom, "won't
wash An illustration funnily in point
was furnished not long since by a certain
Missouri ex-Offciai whose name is famil-
lar throughout the State, though, for OBJ
viOus reasons, it will not be given here.
The ex-Offcial in question is somewhat of
a scientist, but it is not upon his learning
that he most brides himself. He is as in
nocent as lamb in most worldly matters,
but, by common contradiction, delights
most IN being thought wonderfully aStute
and clever, man not to be deceived or
tTifled with. lie is, when among his IA
miliars, prone to tell prodigious stories of
his sharpness, relating with much gusto
how in such way and upon such an oc-
casiOn he proved altogether too deep for
some adversary. The incident he related
when he caught himself, as already re-
ferred to, was Of al occurrence on the
IiooObll L dSAiC lhctlllOeiNt at cOlliC pOlut
between here and Kansas City. The eX-
official told to group of friends how, as
he was coming eastward on his way TO
st. Louis, he found occasion to stop for a
day or two at some station on the route,
and required that his trunk, which he had
with him On the train, be left Oft with
him. To this arrangement he as
serts that the conductor of the train
objected, inasmuch as the trunk
was checked through to st. Louis and
the traveller failed to show the check for
it, The check on the trunk was num-
bered "ninety-slx'' while the one 10 the
possession of the trunks owner was
throdgh some blunder "sixty- nine" In
vain did the traveller protest that he was
not responsible for an error of the bag
gage man, that he needed the trunk and
| that it was ridiculous to take il to its indi-
Gated destination and there hold it until
he should be enabled to bring proof of
ownership The conductor was obdurate
and the ex-official in despair. Finally,
| he says, just before the train started a
| bright idea occurred to him. He turned
the "ninety-six' check in his possession
| top downward so as to make ii read six
| ty-nine'' and fiercely demanded his prop
erty. The conductor was puzzled but
| could make no reasonable objection, the
trunk was put off and the train went on.
| Such was the eX-official 5 little story, and
it sounded very we'll when related to
friends admiring his adroitness. Suisse
quently, though, one of the listeners alb
sent-mindedly jotted down the figures
''69" on piece of paper and then in
| yerted them as the traveller said he had
done. The result appeared to puzzle the
| experimenter. 1t was apparent that "69''
inverted made "69'' still, as the reader
may see by trying the experiment. The
relator of the incident hemmed and
hawed, but had no explanation to offer.
The figures proved his little story to have
been made out of whole cloth.-St. Louis
Rennblicnn