Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-04-12
CHURCH DIRECTORY.
Grand Rapids, Thursday, April Il
CITY AND COUNTY.
A Baseball Suggestion.

The baseball season has fairly open
cd in the States south of US and In a
few wesks even this atmosphere will be
filled with fy-balls and with ugly cpl
thets hurled at the umpire; the news
papers will soon be filed with figures
showing how many I. BIS and BIS and
and z. O's and other incomprehensible
alphabetical thines there were in the
game; there will be long explanations
of somebody's muff and another body's
hot liner and descriptions of still an
other body's wonderful curve-balls.
The respectable father of family, Or
dinarily sedate and dignifsd, will
whoop and yell when the visiting club
is whitewashed and will desire urgently
chance to whip the umpire when the
home club is defeated. He will 60
home to his surprised family, covered
with dust and perspiration and with a
headache such as only sitting in the
sun and growing excited over game
of ball, can create. The young woman
will sit on back seat and annoy her
devoted male companion by enthusiast
tic remarks favorable to individual
players. Good young men, even
Young Mems Christian Association
young men, will he nagged into bet
ting that SOMEBODY will be beaten in two
innings. And society will be more or
less demoralized
This season of generalization is not
far away. Already the professional
ball-players, who were the heroes of
the town few months ago and who
then mysterously disappeared and were
talked of no more, are occasionally re-
cognized In citizen. clothes. While
they are not yet the subject of ovation,
they have assumed look approaching
dissatisfaction which, properly inter-
preted, means that they are conscious
of near future it indicates that the
tenor singer who was the pet of society
during the winter, is on the wane, and
that tickle fashion will replace his
,ympathetic trills with tn blue, stock
ings and skull cap of the ball tosser.
Men who peg away at hard, wearing
work the year round for thousand or
fifteen hundred dollars, are again to
be made wretchsd, are again have
their weary souls filed with longing,
because such man gets four thousand
dollars and such another man thirty
ave hundred dollars, for a few months
Of ball playing.
But tho saddsst outlook is for the
umpire. The person who occupies
this important position is the most
abused person in the country not ex-
Guiding candidates for an elective Office.
He is charged with having sold HIM
self, with favoritism, with stupidity !;
he is held responsible for all bad plays;
Do is reviled, he is h0oted, old friends
refuse to recognize him, his own nm
mediate family snubs him after game,
aud finally he is caught in dark alley
and thoroughly pounded by the hirelings
IF a disappointed betting man. If
there is reward hereafter for martyrs.
the umpire will have clear title to all
Sss benefits. But there should be
some relief even here and method is
indicated in recent scTentiffc achieve
ments. A, rubber man might be con-
structed, with an exceptional wealth
of rubber under the coat tails, and
placed in the umpire's position, being
armly attached to the ground so that
no amount of kicking could entirely
iisloge him. A Tibratory membrane
,uld be stretched across his mouth
and attached by wire to Bell tele-
phone, the latter to be held by the
setuai aud unknown umpire concealed
.ader the reporters stand. From
this secure position rulings could be
made into the telephone and the audi
lie announcement would proceed from
she mouth of the rubber man, who
would then become the victim, vicar
""s!y, of all the stones and eggs and
:. After the game, the real but
-aen umpire could crawl from his