The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-06-01
VARIETIES,
"A notorious eavesdropper: rain.
"A capital letter: the love letter.

"A capital letter the love letter.
"A green grocer one who trnsts.
Long division; Separation for life.
"A final report: the crack of doom.
An expensive wife makes pensiye
husband.
How to develope the imagination
Get the delrum tremens.
Why is billiard marker like a stage
prompter? Because he gives the players
the cue.
AN educated hog is said to be good
mathematician. No doubt lie excels in "a
square root"
-"Youre very pointed, and feel il, as
the young lady remarked when she ran the
needle in her finger.
"A party who bought picture of a
| dead duck at a recent sale, is now anxious
! to have the seller take his canvass back.
John, what is the chief branch of
| education in your school?" "Wlliow
branch, sir: masters used up nearly whole
tree"
"A young woman being asked by a
politician which party she was most in ia
vor of, she replied that she preferred a
wedding party.
The Gentle Art.-Mr. Gudgeon Oh,
l say, now, Miss Ada, you are fishing for
compliment Miss McAngle; Oh dear no,
| never fish in shallow waters Judy.
When the Breton mariner puts to sea
his prayer is keep me, my God, my boat
is so small and thy ocean so wide" Does
not this beautiful, prayer express the con-
dition of each of us?
The papers relate an anecdote of
beautiful young lady, who had become
blind, having recovered her sight after
marriage. 1t is no uncommon thing for
peoples eyes to be opened by matrimony.
The speaker at an anniversary meeting
ing mournfuly said Zone by one our
friends are passing from us into the land of
shadows" well" exclaimed an old lady,
you wouldn't have 'em go two by two,
or all in huddle, would you?'
Aunt julia" said blooming girl of
seventeen, "what is necessary in order to
write good love letter." "Well," re-
piled the aunt, "you must begin without
knowing what you mean to say, and finish
without knowing what you have writ
ten"
-" How many of you are there ~ asked
voice from an upper window of a serena
ding party. Four" was the reply
"Divide that among YOU" said a voice, as
a bucket of Stops fell, like the gentle dew
from heaven" on those beneath Boston
AdgertiSer.
Don't you wish you were the Emperor
of Germany9 The other day he received
n RrnpcIpiply 81 ;,,I f,,
birthday present, and for two whole days
he was so proud and stuck up over it that
he would scarcely speak to Bismarck -
NorristOpn Herald
-"Are you there, my love ?" he wills
pered through a hole in the fence of his
beloved's garden. "Yes, darling" was the
reply, Jump right over" He did so, and
alighted in the presence of an enraged
mother, broomstck and blue.cn
guardian of the night.
j ust as the hunter draws a bead on
the graceful wild duck, as it breasts the
ripping green blue waves, does that water
foul invariably observe something beneath
the surface that it has been looking for
many al ong day. and proceeds at once
to business Turner's Fails Reporter
w lilluiH, bDScINctl hllWaukGe
woman to her husband, MRS. Holcomb
feels pretty badly since the loss of her
child, and | wish you would drop over
there and see her. You might say that all
flesh is grass that we've all got to 20 the
same way, and see if she is going to use
her dripping pan this afternoon"
An assistant of druggist recently put
UP prescription of a dose of castor oil
for young lady. She innocently inquir-
ed how it could be taken without tasting
it. He promised to explain to her, and,
in the mean time, offered her, courteously,
glass of favored and scented settler
water After she had finished j., he said,
triumphantly, "You see, miss, you have
taken your oil and you did not know it,"
The young lady screamed out, at was for
my mother"
AN INHUMAN FATHER.-A few months
ago u Russian peasant and his wife and
four children, while travelling in sleigh
along the banks Of the Pruth were pur-
sued by pack of wolves. The peasant
urged on the horses, but soon saw that the
wolves were fast gaining upon him. At
the moment when the sleigh was surround
ed by the raving beasts, the man seized
one of the children, threw it in the midst
Of them, and while they were struggling
over their prey, he fastened on his horses
and gained ground. Four times the wolves
came up with the fugitives, and four times
the horrible sacrifice was completed. At
last the peasant and his wife arrived at
the nearest village, leaving behind them
the bones of their four children. In the
bitterness of her despair the mother in
formed against her husband, but the judy
es considering that If the peasant had not
resigned himself to the horrible sacrifice
he would not only have lost his children
but also his wife, acquitted the prisoner.
THE LATEST CAT SToRY.-The Elmira
Gazette says: Weare told on trust worthy
authority that Il gentleman of this city
living in the lower part of town, recently
went to the woods and finding a nest of
young squirrels brought them to the house,
where there were two felines each having
a litter of kittens. One of the Tables
took her own Legitimate children and put
ting them in the nest of the other (by
whom they were taken care Of as though
they had been her own flesh and blood,O
went to the place where the three squirrels
were and took them one by one to her own
nursery and since has been nursing and
caring for them as mother. The like of
this was never known before. The Presi-
dents "policy" comes the nearest to it of
anything, for he may be said to have turn
ed out Republican kittens and put in
Democratic squirrels.
ODDS AND ENDS OF NEws,-Californi
is making her own glass.
The Philadelphia exhibition is great
success.
Circus taxes in Texas are $500 each
performance.
Elnriln 10 Ill ~ In