Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1877-11-01
4nmurons 2eparttnent.

lated that the Rev. Dr., of Newburyport,
was called upon after he had gone to bed to
marry couple. The minister's wife did not
get up, but gave him particular directions for
the entertainment of the wedding guests.
Don't forget to pass the cake and wine,
DOCTOR" she said. "The cake is in the upper
corner cupboard, and you'll find the wine on
the third right.hand shelf on the sideboard."
The doctor promised obedience, put on his
clothes, and went down to perform the cere-
mony. Returning half hour later, he found
his wife sitting up in bed, with an anxious ex-
preston on her face
"Doctor," she cried, "did you give them
any wine?"
"Certainly, my dear, just as you told me"
"Not from the decanter on the third shelf
of the sideboard?"
"That is exactly where you directed me to
find it, wife,"
"Dear dear! Did they drink much Of
it?"
"Why, yes; they emptied their glasses"
"What shall we do? Doctor, I made
mistaks-it was ipecac wine you gave them.
o how sick they must be! Do, dear, put
on your cloak and go right after them-they
cannot have got far"
The doctor found the bridal party at the
corner of the next street.
"What made you drink the wine? ?" he
asked. "Couldnt you tell by the taste that
there was something wrong about it p
The bridegroom answered between his
qualms, "She whispered to me that it tasted
dreadful queer, but 1 told her 't,cas because
aue s0ere Citing mcrried!'
A Practical JoKE-Joe Haines, Lon
don actor, was more remarkable for his prac-
tical Jokes than for his acting. He was seized
one morning by two bailiffs for debt of G20,
as the Bishop of Ely was passing by in bis
coach.
"Gentlemen," said Joe, "here's my cousin,
the Bishop of Ely, going to his house: Let me
speak to him, and he'll pay the debt and
charges"
The bailifs thought they might venture
this. as they were within three or four yards
of him.
Joe went boldly up to the coach, and took
his hat off to the bishop. His lordship order
ed the coach to stop, when Joe whispered to
him gently:
"My lord, here are two men with such great
scruples of conscience that fear they'll hang
themselves"
"Very WE'LL" said the bishop; so, calling
the bailiGs, he said, "You two men come to
me to. morrow morning, and l Iwiu satisfy you.
The men bowed, and went away pleased.
Early on the following day the bailifs, ex-
pecting the debt and charges, paid visit to
the bishop, when, being introduced, his lord
ship addressed them:
"Well, my men, what are your scruples ?"
"Scruples !" echoed the bailiffs I'VE have
no scruples! We are bailifs, my lord, who
Yesterday arrested your cousin, Joe Haines,
for debt of EGO, and your lordship kindly
promised to satisfy US to-day"
The bishop, rejecting that bis name and
honor would be exposed were he not to COM
ply, paid the debt and charges.
Mrs. BUNDYs DREAM.-Bundy has been
married two weeks, and has left his wife.
Bundy is little man, and his wife weighs
two hundred and forty pounds, and was the
relict of the late Peter Potts. About ten
days after marriage Bundy was surprised, on
awakening in the morning, to find his better.
half sitting up in bed, crying as if her heart
would break Astonished, he asked the cause
of her sorrow, but receiving no reply he be-
gan to surmise that there must be some se-
cret on her mind that she withheld from him
which was the cause of her anguish, so he
remarked to Mrs. B. that as they were
married, she should tell him the cause of her
grief, so if possible, he could avert it; and,
after considerable coaxing, he elected the
following from her:
Last night dreamed was single, and as
I walked through well-lighted street came
to store where sign in front advertised
husbands for sale. Thinking it curious, l
entered, and ranged along the wall on either
side were men with prices affixed to them.
Such beautiful men some for 800, some for
$500, and so on to $1,000. And, as had not
that amount, could not purchase"
Thinking to console her, B. placed his arm
lovingly around her, and asked:
"And did you see any men like me there?"
"Oh, yes," she replied, drawing away from
him, slots like you they were tied up III
lunches like asparagus, and sold for ten cents
per bunch"
Bundy got up, and went to ask his lawyer
if he had sufficient ground for divorce.
A PLUG UGLY.-One day last month, when
trade was dull, a Vicksburg grocery clerk
procured a piece of sole leather from shoe
maker, painted it black, and laid it aside for
future use. Within few days an old chap
from back in the country came in and In
quired for piece of plug tobacco. The piece
of sole leather was tied up and paid for, and
the purchaser started for home. At the end
of the sixth day he returned, looking down
cast and detected, and, walking into the store,
he inquired of the clerk:
"'Member that terbacker I got here the
other day2"
"Yes."
"Well, was that new brandt
"No-same old brand"
Regular plug terbacker, was it p
eyes"
swell, then, it's me; it's right here in my
jaws" sadly replied the man. 81 knowed
that was getting purity old, but was allus
handy on bitin' plug. I never seed plug
afore this one that couldn't tear to pieces at
one chaw. I sot my teeth onto this one, and
bit, and pulled, and twisted like dog at
root, and I've kept biting and pulling for six
days, and thar she am now, the same as the
day you sold her to me-"
"Seems to be good plug" remarked the
clerk, as he smelled of the counterfeit.
"She's all right; it's me that's failing!' ex-
claimed the old man. "Pass out some fine
cut, and I'll 60 home and deed the farm to
the boys, and git ready for the gravel"
CLosED.-A traveller endeavored to walk
into Vicksburg hotel, temporarily closed
Lat <o