The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1877-08-16

)erBon may have Al the gfeaIeH po1n1
i polite behavior 1t the fingers ends,
md yet betr1y III teaching and common
by th6so vefy little things.
You viii sec an individual at table, ele-
xantly dressed, and behaving with such
quiet propriety that, II you md occasion
o think Of her at all, You think OF her -
81 course lady. suddenly upset your
whole opinion, and stamp herself with vul-
parity BY rising from the table and going
away still munching ON something in her
decency requiring her to
finish her meal altogether and entirely
before rising from table; or another who,
having committed no other solecism
through the whole affair. of dinner, ruins
herself by using her goblet IS q finger
glass, none being provided, thus feproach-
ing her hostess for negligence or Ignorance,
and n.isusing an article of the table furni-
ture.
A perfect ease Of manner is one Of the
distinguishing marks Of q thorough lady
the world over, together with perfect
repose. This ease of manner never al
lows the manifestations of any nervous
ness, any furry, and never hurries in any
unseemiy fashion In the very highest
circles Of Great Britain it is made point
to cultivate placid immobility OF coun-
tenance, and reserve in conversation that
allows few words to 60 great way.
This is the repose
(which stamps the caste of We're de Vere,"
considered more essential in England
than it is almost anywhere else in the
world, such immobility having the ap-
pearance in other countries, it is to be
feared, of mere stupidity, since in France,
Spain and America certainly vivacity,
interfering with such complete repose, but
not at all Incompatible with perfect ease,
is expected.
Perhaps great part of this requisite
ease might be more easily attained II II
were understood that lady in society is
| in reality to appear unconscious OF the ex-
istence Of her body and her dress, and to
allow others to be SO. She is not TO fuss
and fidget and go through any Of those
movements that signify discomfort, and
| make others in measure uncomfortable
too. Having chosen her position, sue is
to keep it reasonable while, except as
exigencies of conversation or any other
compelling circumstance require her tc
change it; she is not tn wriggle about IN
it, nor throw her arms mere and there, but
she is to appear to forget herself IN the
current event or the conversation OF the
occasion. She is not to twiddle her FIN
gers either, nor agitate her feet, cross her
knees, play with her jewels or her curla;
she is not to rock herself, and she is to
keep heI hands away from her head and
face. The last is usually, unless she has
been early taught. the hardest thing OF all
to do; not that one may not rest ones
head upon ones hand, and often be very
} graceful in the action: but there are those
who are in the constant habit of trifiing,
for instance, with the lobe of the ear or
J with the earring, with the under lip,
J with the chin; of smoothing the cheek or
J of pulling down the skin there-doubtless
urconsciOuslv; Of biting the lips, OF
. chewing an invisible cud, of altering the
arrangement of the hair, and even OF
scratching the head, and who never fall
to present an underlined appearance in
( any one of these antics. To the on-lOokeI
r these practices are hardly better than the
: vulgarities of those people who forget to
complete their toilette in private. and PICK
l their ears, rub their noses, and polish
their nails in public.
These are all little things, it is to be ac
knowledged; yet, nevertheless, breach
in the observance of a single one OF then
is ruinous to any pretension to good Dreed
4 ing. One will observe them each and all
q and yet preserve large freedom and east
!. Of manner-that freedom which makes
n every one around feel comfortable, ant
i; that ease which speaks of long use and &C
: quain;ance with the best.
J Too much humility. strange as it ma.
/ sound, is something that interferes sadl.
:, with truly good manners. One cannot g
!. about in meaching," apologize fash
It ion. as if one were really not worthy t
r breathe the same air as those about one
r and preserve an atom of dignity. Prope
+ self. respect is at the root of all ease an
n grace; not, of course, the least defian,
a naughty assertion, but modest confidence
IS a sense OF ores presumable equality to al
d social intents and purposes, instead OF
a confession of ones dement's. We may al
l. be great sinners, and very ignorant an
Il low born, but we do not gn into society I
e say so. It is to be presumed, regardin
i ourselves, that we are the best earthly au
T. thority in the matter; and, If we do NJ
t. respect ourselves, who will I? Meeting. q
n it is understood, as equals, society, oddl
# ennngh allows ns the RECOGNITION thai Qn
II value as another. There is no commo
l. ground on which the confessed superio
e and inferior are to meet; in the drawing
q room there is no superior or inferior; i
IL that place there is only democracy, an
, whatever may be accorded tn age or q
y MUS, the rest of the company are assemble
always, it is to be remembered, on th
u same level.
b Another mark Of good breeding is ger
it orally to be found in the voice. Some
e times the voice as matter of inheritance
n proclaims even the good b, eeding of one
e ancestors; its management in gentle an
It proper way, indeed, is something that,
0 not taught in childhood, is frequently nc
e acquired at all. Of course those whor
= nature has not endowed with sweet voic
e for speaking are not answerable for he
n deficiency; but even g. voice that is un
e musical can be so handled, kept at such
e pitch and accustomed TO such intonations
: that its cultivation is almost equal to mu
$ sic, and it is more by the information, III
It infections and the pitch-that is tn say
. by the cultivation-that one recognizes
:. lady in the voice, than by the natura
y sweetness. If gentle voice is an excel
d lent thing in woman, distinct enuncia
g ton is equally so; and lady will not b
i heard hurrying and tripping on her sen
g fences, or clipping and abbreviating he
syllables; if what she has to say is wort
4 hearing, she is entitled to ample time TO
D saying it, and the clear pronunciation o
. her wo.ds, without drawing, however, b.
;, it said, is only another and proper mari
T of her self-respect.
Again, yet another and peculiar, al
though quite different, part of good breed
ing is the art of keeping ones private at
fairs to ones self. Those strangers who
thrown into our society for half an hour
; enlighten us concerning all the family
life, all the husbands peculiarities, cal
the husbands by their Christian names
let us know an outline Of the general
course of events with them, do not win
any of our admiration, and subject them.
selves to more or less of our ridicule. We
are not to assume that our business is
SO interesting to any one as it is TO our
selves; we are to force ii on no one; the
least sense of dignity possible must make
US feel our own affairs sacred e.ough for
silence, altogether too sacred, at any
rate, for their slightest clew to be given
the ear of any chance, unworthy stranger.
Common-sense, after all, strictly ap-
piled, is the best director in the matter of
these little things that have 80 much TO do
with the perfect manners we all desire.
CommOn-sense tells us whether or not to
give book to a person with the title to-
ward him, 80 that it can easily be read !;
whether to pass . spoon SO thar the bowl or
handle shall be next the extended hand !;
whether to glance at the superscription of
q letter passing through our hands;
whether to look in 1t the open door of q
strangers room g we go, by; whether to
consult use, convenience, and grace In
every act. II we take this good, COM
/ nonsense into our c0unsels, we shall be
pretty sure not to 60 astray. -Aarpsr's
Bazaar.
i