The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-08-18


nvweight of that enticing cottage cheese.
'"Ycs am an anchorite by nature. But
had a grandfather, properly dear to me- o
course, though ] never saw him, who was ;
famous gormand. Nictuals and drink wer,
the chief of his diet and yet that old gatter WA,
scarce ever quiet, but always demanding more
His father died of an indigestion brought or
by gobbling, if may be pardoned for using
the unfilal expression. And his father was
cut off in the bloom of his youth bya surteit OF
black cake and lobster Now declare to you
that when surprise sleek gray rat snatch
ing fearful JOY in the heart of a cheese, or a
slender black fellow trimming his whiskers
after unlimited cream, or II massive brown Dig
ntary tasting all the dishes in the pantry, |
think that behold an avatar Of my revcred
ancestors, and forbear 10 chidc.'
"IIow dispspcctful, Adam" demonstrated
Mrs Jack, filling his cup for the fourth time.
Not in the least" he replied. "On the con
trary, | think advance my kindred in honor
and dignity A man who is merely IA stomach
might as well be polyp. But when the glut-
ton in him puts on its legitimate form, and
gnaws its way to the appointed trap why, the
creature iulfls the law of his being, and be.
come not respectable but interesting"
Excellent pagan" murmured Jack, admir-
nglv, ''you believe also, no doubt, that in his
future state the scandal-mongers shall have
foul breath, the horsc-stealer shall go lame, the
Icruel prow as tigers, the cunning show the
IfoX's brush behind him. Is it not all written
in the laws of Manu-
Moreover" resumed the soliloquist, quite
limpervious to interruption, my sympathy
with certain traits of the rats character, my
sense of the debt which civilization owes him,
would alone withhold my murderous hand.
| think, Mrs Jack, that you hurled the often
sive cpihet dirty against this good familiar
creature. Accept my assurance that it is the
most fastdous of animals. Did you ever try
the simple and beautiful experiment OF pac-
ing Jar of grapes, preserved with the glitter
ing crystals of this exquisite loafsugar side
Iby side with the same fruit stepped in the syr-
Iups of the coarscr brown, and leaving the pan
TRY door open to these accomplished ioragers ~
mo" replied Mrs Jack, with energy, II
certainly ever did"
Then Continued the placid commentator,
"yOu have something yet to live for When
ever YOU extend the opportunity, you shall see
these professional dnersout dcvour the last
luscious drop of the chOicer jar before they
will nibhc at the seal of the common cruise
They loathc tough and tastclc,s viands $50 like
mine hOnorcd srcsD When they dine on ami
mails they turn the skin so neatly inside out
from snout TO toes, that with all our tools we
naturaliSts can't improve on their specimens
Dirty indeed, quotha Know you not, Mrs. |
Jack, that your ponies never in their lives had
such n grooming as these creatures habtually |
| give themselves? Know you not thai they are
fanatics of bodily publication; washing them
iselyes with their paws over and over every
hour in the day?
Again, is not Ian 9Ilage their debtor? Point
me to II filter brieier, more vigorous form OF
expression Than the verb SO rat
Not only the sciences, but humanity, must
Il al oh M, In rpt
never heard, Mrs Jack, that they leave an UNI
sound ship? According to Mr. Plimsoll, the
cupidity of man constantly sends the mercst
rattlc-traps and tindcr-boycs to sea. But the
ncorruptiblc rats will not be partners to such
blood outlines They squeak denupciation
and fly, and if inscnae man needed the Gas
sandra voice his life and property might be
saved. Have you forgotten that North German
territory where these slandered animals are the
guardians of public safety The repair OF I'M
safe houses Is there the business of the state.
When Il citizen can prove before the council
that three rats have been seen TO fly from his
dwelling, the public fund must patch 1t up for !
him. They are the Jobs among animals, not
for their Affections only, but because they de- {
liver the poor that cry and him that hath none
to help him !
Miss Eve, you prick your fair fingers at all ;
the missionary sewing societies. You give
your mite infer, for the spread of the Gospel.
Do you, them ignore the fact that in more than
one land the rat has become the pioneer OF {
civilization and of Christianity allured to Il
brighter worlds AID led the way? Recall the /
familiar story of the Kamchallans, and be Q
more just. Those greasy savagcs were long /
impcnctrnblc to modern ideas. They welcomed {
only rs new article of food, and d
used the bibles and spcling-bookS to kindlc
the sacriticial fires To this day they might v
have dclcd the tract societies, but for those nc |
tive Colporrurs, the rats These were obScrv- c
ed to migrate westward when the nipping and 7
eager air OF the kamlchatkm winters bit too II
In the spring they returned, pur Y
sued by predatory sablcs Siberian harc,, and II
Wcascs At last The hunters said, Go to, now o
let u, follow the rats next year, and clothc us '
in ncw suit, Of the skins Of these furry maraud,
cr, So they penetrated 10 Siberia plundered q
turS right and left, and went down huCkstcring d
to China and other foreign parts. Evolution
had long before set these nations beyond the c
dcvouring period They enlarged 4
the notions Of the Kamtchakans, dietary and 4
commercial or those hunting Esaus they q
made trading and farming Jacobs. Results II
dcccncy, industry, Christianity; Cause-ratS." v
Henry the Eighth had been vindicated," Il
said, Jack, Relatively; "Lucrctia Borgia is 9
now known 10 have been a mother in the ltal- Il
ian Israel there i, no longer Il doubt that As a
pasta was a perfect woman nobly planned, "
with a single exception of "A fanatic prudiSh
ness. The prophet of the rat has now arisen. Il
II the house was not 50 small, Adam, You a
should begin the conversion Of tho world be t
meath this very roof" Il
which reminds me" exclaimed Adam, "of Il
what ! was about 10 suggest when Mrs. Jacks |
thoughtrss--l willnot shy hcartlcss-allusion i
10 the Ms rr'''s betrayed me into moment. f
Al itrrs- tI,.h
world is not You own up TO zenith, sup Il
pose. and on, 10 the horizon, | am told Why /
not live under the free sky Why not fleet the :
time curclc,,ly. a, they did in the golden t
world, in a new forest OF Ar,lcn;" l.
~ most practicable plan, o Adam thirty 4
years hence, when our new lawns shall have '
made "A turi, and our young trees shall have y
raised shields Of leaves close enough to warl ID
of the fiery jayelins Of the sun. But mean
L..