Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1877-09-25
8 TR X e r. 8.

8 TR I X e r. 8.
In Africa a breed of Undetermined dogs
without tails has been discovered. There
isn't wag among them.
Paul says woman's glory is her hair,
but the hash-house boarder will tell you
all depends on where it is.
Why are washerwomen silly people?
Because they put out their tubs to catch
soft water when it rains hard.
A little boy, whose sprained wrist had
been cured by bathing in whiskey, sur
prised his mother by asking her 'if papa
had sprained throat"
A scientific authority states that a
single female house fly will produce in
one season 0,0S0, 800 eggs. Great guns!
What must the married ones do?
A little boy was asked if he knew
where the wicked finally went to? He
answered that they practice law here
awhile and then GO to the legislature.
A Chicago pork packer, whose pew
rent was raised to twenty-five dollars,
exclaimed: "Great Caesar! Here's a
nice state Of affairs-the Gospel going
up and pork going down. What's to
become of us ?"
A man whose appearance indicated
that he was staggering from the Excess
sive weight of brick in his hat, being
asked if he was Son of Temperance,
replied-"h -no-relation-not even
an acquaintance"
A judge, joking young lawyer, said:
eff you and were turned Into horse
and an ass, which would you prefer to
be?" 1.-THE ass, to be sure" replied the
lawyer. "I've heard of an ass being
made judge, but horse never"
"You politicians are queer people,"
said an old business man to an impecu-
NOUS partisan. "Hew so ?' asked the
politician. "Why, because you trouble
yourself more about the payment of the
debt of the State than you do about your
own"
"Why," asked a teacher in Sunday
school, "did Solomon tell the sluggard to
go to the ant ?' Because" said thir-
teen-year old boy, che knew his aunt
would have him out at the woOd-pile or
in the.onion bed every afternoon as soon
as school was out"
One of the best efforts of Rev. DR..
Henson, a Baptist divine, is to lecture
on "F0ols." On recent occasion the
tickets for this lecture were laconically
thus: Lecture on Fools. Admit one"
The house was full, and in due time the
audience saw the immensely of the hit
A countryman in Savannah, Ca, OBJ
served that gang of darkies were work
ing on the streets, each wearing a ball
and chain. He asked one of them why
that ball was chained to his leg. "To
keep people from stealing" said the
darkey cheap of thieves about here,
massa.n
When wife demonstrated with her
husband for staying out late at night,
he retorted: You got me in the way of
it. Before we were married you used to
throw your arms about my neck at three
o'clock, and say, "Don't go, darling it
is early yeti" but now if happen to stay
out till two it is terrible affair"
A Western paper says: "Wanted, at
this office, an editor who can please ev-
erybody. Also, foreman who can so
arrange the paper as to allow every
mans advertisement to head the COL
umn."
1t might have added "Also a wealthy
publisher, who could afford to publish
at loss, pay bills every week promptly,
credit subscribers as long as they wish,
and not offend them by sending notices
of bills"
A boy got his grandfather's gun and
loaded it, but was afraid to fire; he, how
ever, liked the fun of loading, and so
put in another charge, but was still
afraid to fire. He kept on charging, but
without firing, until he got six charges
in the old piece. His grandmother,
learning his temerity, smartly reproved
him, and grasping the old continental,
discharged it. The result was tremen-
dous, thus throwing the old lady on her
2 back. She promptly struggled to re-
gain her feet, but the boy cried out
Lay still Granny; there are five more
charges to go off"
THE MULE STRIKE.-Once there was
mule. He had a pair of timber legs,
with heels at the end of them. Mule
thought his master did not give him
enough corn to eat. So, one day, as the
boss passed behind him, he lifted up his
heels and boosted him to the other side
of the barn. This is what Mr.. Mule
called strike. He thought he could
get all the corn he wanted now. Pres
emily he wanted water. He didn't get
it, though. He wanted more corn: He
didn't get that. He went to bed that
night without his supper. Next day he
didn't have to work; he didn't have to
eat either. He didn't have any compa-
ny. All he had to do was to stand still
and think. He couldn't imagine why
that master of his did not come to feed
him. The next day was the same, and
the next. Before the mule got anything
to eat again he had grown SO gaunt and
gentle that he was willing to keep his
heels on the ground. The strike was
ended.-Duquoia Tribune
WHAT He THOUGHT.-A few davs
since, says Michigan paper specimen
of humanity, chuck full of fashionable
drink, took seat in the express train at
Jackson and quietly awaited the advent
OF the conductor, who appeared on time
and relieved the travellers hat of his
ticket without any remarks. On his re-
turn the traveller button-h oled him and
inquired:
Conductor, how far to Pleon ?"
Twenty miles"
That's wot I tho't."
At the next station the traveller stop
ped him and again inquired:
Conductor, how far to Manch'ter ?"
''Twenty miles"
'That's wot tho't."
At Manchester the traveller stopped
him the third time and said:
Conductor, how far to Tecumseh ?"
.''Twenty miles,"
"That's wot 1 thot."
AS the train left Tecumseh the travel
er exhausted the patience of the conduc-
tor, and the following dialogue explains
the result:
conductor, how far to Adri'n?u
The conductor threw himself upon his
dignity and remarked:
''See here, my friend, do you take me
for fool ?"
The traveller stuck to the text and re-
marked:
"That's wot tho't."
The conductor joined the passengers
in hearty laugh, and concluded to al
low his questioner to "tho't" as he
pleased.