The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1877-11-24
HUMOROUS.

An old negro cook says Sass is pow
erful good in everything but children. Dey
needs some oder kind Of dressin'."
An Irishman tells us of a fight in which
there was only one nose left in the crowd,
and that belonged TO the tay kettle"
He went softly behind the door and
uurmured, / am man of very quiet
tastes" Then he took a flask from his
pocket and tasted something.
When a man and woman are made
one, the question is Which one p Some
times there is long struggle between before
the matter is settled.
The other day a mean man out in west
ern Iowa went off into quiet country place
and died so quick that his wife got his in
surance money before the company had
time to fail. The president says he never
felt so swindled and cut up since he has
been in the business.
1t was diplomatic husband who pro-
tested to his wife: " My dear, if it doesn't
make any difference to you don't say brute
and 'dolt ! Use terms milder if not less in
cisive. If must have curtain lectures, let
them, at least be damask curtain ones"
-" Sambo, is your master good farmer?"
"0hyes, ,massa fuss-rate farmer-he makes
two crops each year" How is that Sambo?"
"Why, he sells all his hay in de fall and
makes money once den in de spring he
sells de hides of de cattle dat die for want OBJ
de hay, and makes money twice"
"A certain registrar in an English town
is unfortunately very deaf. One day wO-
man went to register the birth of her child,
and had to answer the usual questions. To
the one, "Were you present at the birth p
the astonished woman answered: "I'm the
mother of the child" "But that Is not an
answer to my question:" replied the regis
trar. Were you present at the birth 2?
ayes, of course" she said, 81 was there"
Now remove the mosquito bar. 1t isn't
fair to take such a mean advantage of the
few veteran blind, crippled, and halfpalsed
mosquitoes, who drop down, from the ceiling
at midnight and blow their cracked bugle:
for lunch. The hard-hearted wretch who
keeps his mosquito bar up in these hard
times would refuse to give ice cream to a be
lated tramp.
He waltzed out of the front door, follow
ed by a wash-bOard and two bars of soap
as he Strengthened himself and walked firm
ly down the street, he remarked: "a mar
must draw the line somewhere, or he can
be boss of the house and I'll be hanged i
pump more than one tub of water for ont
washin', and there amt woman can maxi
me do it. unless she locks me in"
After all you were only circus artist,
SAID prosperous equestrain's daughter to {
well-known and clever actress, now retreC
from the boards, on meeting her behind tn
scenes the other day "you were membe
of my fathers circus company" "Yes," re
piled the elderly lady, with dignity "bu
there are grades even in a circus your ia
ther used to Chalk my Shoes"
-"Youil never marry again, Susie, yo,
grieve so arter Izic. Was it twict you faint
ed, or three times, at the grave?" "Bles
yo' soul, Sary, it was free times l tainted
an de las time | never like to come to-.
"Oh, Susie, you'll nebber marry again, will
yer?" Bless yo' soul Frank Dunn axt IN
bout dis before my husband died, and
promised him if he died I'd hab him, an
blongs to the church an won't tell a lie.
"A light hearted, impulsive young lady
writing to friend over the arrival of he
eighteenth birthday, tells it in this joyou
style Darling j, must write to yo
to-day to tell you that at last l am splendi
eighteen. Think of it-splendd eighteen
not timid fifteen, winning sixteen, blushin
seventeen or even bold nineteen but, SpiGndi
eighteen | shall commence to live from tn
day forth, shall love everybody and every
body will love me-"