The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1877-09-12
Adam rs q Bachelor.

Imagine Adam in his loneliness
the only human being in this wide,
wide world-a full grown man at his
birth, with no one to grant him a
certificate thereof, nor to furnish him
evidence that be was born at all
He had never experienced any of the
perils of infancy and childhood
such as the cutting of teeth, measles
and the MISREPRESENTATION which
no young mans education is COM
plete. Adam was the only young
man who never had a grandmother to
mend his pants, to knit his mlttens,
and TO stand between him and all
harm. He never played the great
and exh~ilarating game of base ball,
and he never submitted to the digni-
ty of having a chip knocked of his
shoulder by another boy. No! he
had none of the essentials that 60
toward making up the average boy
of the present day. He found himself
born somehow full grown man, a
bachelor-with no chum in the whole
universe with whom to ave up
OF the interminable topic, the wealth
er no one to sew bottoms on his
shirt no one to lend him a helping
hand. There he was-the keeper Of
a large geological garden, with no
door-keeper Il take the tickets, and
no one To come to the show. Like
all bachelors he seemed to be q mis-
take ; and this quality of mistake has
been so severely transmitted through
the long ages that have interviewed,
without let or hindrance, that it has
become a fixed fact, Is unalterable as
Persian law. He becomes idgety,
queer, notioDal, and out Of order gen.
orally. Adam had, in all probability,
begun to manifest some OF these Pc
culiar characteristics. and was him.
self convinced that there was some
thing more necessary to his happi-
ness; but he had not the brains To
invent, nor the ingenuity to devise
anything himself. Adam evidently
was not a happy man in his estate Of
single ~blessedness ; and the Divine
Being, ever anxious for the welfare
OF his creatures, saw that ii was not
good for him to be alone, and gave
him what every full-grown man
needs, viz :soWe one to talk to, to ar
que with, to love and cherish, and, if
everything don't go right generally,
Ego for" to lay part Of the blime up
on.
Did you ever contemplate the poy-
erty of Adam when he took Eve for
better OF worse Only think of il
lie hadn't a hat on his head, a coat
on his back, a pair of shoes IN his
feet, lor mary red cent" in his irou-
sers pocket. Eve brought no dowry,
she had nothing to bestow save love
and affection aud be was the only
young man around, it was him or
nobody. Equally as poor as her hus-
Land, she came to him without q bon
net or shawl, a calico gown, or even
a pair of slippers. Moses forgot in
his Renaissance, to give an ccount
of their wedding trip but from what
we a gather in regard to the ward
robes of that day, their baggage
would have proved no incumbranee-
a very limited AMOUNT sufiiced, and
dressing to please everybody was of
no account, for there were none to
please but themselves. Doubtless
their whole outfit Of travelling dresses,
water proofs, busters, lanch-baskets
and all, he could have carried in the
pockets of his trousers. They must
have started housekeeping, also, up
on as small a capital as coald be well
imagined. They hadn't, as far as
can be CLEANED from history, a hair
brush, a fne-tooth comb, a towel, nor
soap no bitters, soothing syrups.
clothes-wringers, nor smoothing irons
no clothing. Adam wasn't afraid
to inyite'his wife to go on an excur-
sion with him for fear Of having to go
down deep into bis trousers pocket
for the wherewith to buy a suitable
outit-for the reason that he had no
trousers nor did be swear at bag
gage smashers, nor brook the inso-
ience Of railroad officials. There was
no good and sufficient reason why
they shouldn't have been an amiable
couple, and have q good time gener-
ally. They washed their clothes
doubtless, by a dive into the Eu-
pirates ; and, there being no clothes
lines, their clothing was allowed to
dry on their backs. And Adam
didn't care a rush whether bis shirt
bosom vas smooth or not; and why
should Eve bother her head about it
so long as be was satisfied?