Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1877-04-27
Gleanings.

Gleanings.
How to find out what's in name
Put it on the back of note
The grass in Colorado is SO short you
must lather it before you can mow
An Albany medical student helped to
dissect his grandmother before he knew
who it was, and he feels rather mean
over it.
Tom Meazles, colored man, was re-
Gently sent to Jail in Chicago. He'll be-
trash" if he attempts to "break out,
adds the Illustrated Weekly.
She was telling female friend how
Mary Jane quarrelled with her "feller,
and said she, "Why, if you heard 'em
talk you'd think they were married"
A man addicted to snoring remarked to
his bed fellow in the morning that he
slept 'slike top" ~ know It," said the
other, ''like humming top.
sIsn't there an awfully strong smell OF
pigs in the arr" asked Smith of Jones.
"Yes, replied Jones, "that's because the
wind Is from the sou'west.
A physician at Laramie peppered
burglar with twenty-seven pills dropped
into a shotgun He didn't break up the
monotony of his practice bit, as the pa
tient died after the first dose.
"The little darling, he didn't strike
Mrs. Smiths baby a-purpose, did he? IL
was a mere accident, wasn't it dear!
"Yes. ma. to be sure it was; and II he
don't behave himself, I'll crack him
again.
Sympathizing stranger-Blesa mel
How did you manage to fall like that, SIR:
Irritated equestrian (who has come TO
grief)-Confound it! 1 couldn't remain
hanging in the air after the horse run
away from me-could 1?
The PArenological Journal advises
Young men to be guided by the shape OF
the chin in picking out wife. lnatteh'
tien to this rule is probably the reason
why so many husbands are led oy 'he
nose LONDON Judy. -4zz----rw,-.
An Amherst sophomore, Who Is teach
ing school, gave out the selection having
the passage, "And, like great Cesar, die
with decency." The brilliant reader rem
dered it, "And like great Caesar, die with
dysentery.
In the economy of nature nothing is
lost. The inside of an orange may refresh
one man, while the outside of the same
fruit may serve to break another mans
leg.
Clones, do you own this property?"
tINac That iS M ()- thor INV x-sfa
owns it, and her mother lives with Us"
and the poor man groaned as he frantic
ally bit off chunk of navy.-Reynolds
Herald.
A retired English officer at the baths of
Lucca, who had still a ball in his body
received at the battle of New Orleans,
whether by accident or intention omitted
to return Buchanan Reads salutation.
"Never mind," said he, little disconcert
ed; II was only bowling to the American
lead, anyhow"
An old woman who went into the poul-
try business some time since, under the
expectation that she could make for.
tune by selling eggs, has quilted it in dis
gust, because as she says, "The hens will
never lay when eggs are dear, but always
begin as soon as they get cheap
"Now, my boy" said the examiner,
''if had a mince pie and should give
two-twelfths of it to John, twotwelfths to
Isaac, two twelfths to Harry, and should
take half the pie myself, what would
there be left? Speak out loud so all can
hear" ''The plate." shouted the boy
4 -aI CO. 1,,,
of a gentleman, gave the following:
'fMassa make de black man workee-
make de OK workee-make ebery ting
workee-only de hog-he no workee; he
eat, he drink, he walk bout. he go to
sleep when he please, he lift like gentle
man.
Maiden Aunt:-"Who was that nasty
little boy who just spoke to you, Johnny?
and what did he say:" Johnny Gndig.
nanD:-"He's not little boy; he's an
old sChoslfellow of mine. Great hunting
man. He said you was pretty gal, and
l was sly dawg! And look hero! If
you keep calling me Johnny, l won't take
you out any more"
A Pittsburg paper speaks Of young
man who shot himself in the West End
one evening last week" There's nothing
like being explicit. The young man is
severely but not fatally wounded; but if
he had shot himself in the South West
End, a little northerly, veering southeast
erly, there would have been no hopes of
his recovery. -Norristoacn Herald.
She was ferlorn and mild spoken wo-
man, but firm, and as the lady of the
house placed half loaf of bread and
some cold meat in her basket she calmly
sald: "No, ma'am; l couldn't think of
taking it. You've give mo cold veal once
afore this week and my family hasn't
been raised to repeat their meat more'n
once in two weeks.
Old Mr.. Thadwalliger, swore of on
New Years eve. went home sober last
night, and was SO astonlshed when he
put in his night-key and opened the front
door with perfect ease at the first trial,
that he kicked himself off the front steps
and out of the yard, and chased himself
a couple of blocks for burglar. He
says mans life isn't safe on his swns
premises, these times.
Passenger-'I say, Cap'n, this ere aint
all. It's according to .ist-Four boxes,
two chests. two ban'boXes, a portmantu,
two hams Zone, part cut, three ropes of
inyons, and a teakettle; but I'm duber-
some. There's something not right some
how.
Captain-"Well, stranger, the times
up; bring up your wife and five children
out of the cabin, and we're Off"
Passenger-"Them's um, darn it,
them's UNI! l knowed I forgot some.
thing"
a printer, being asked to give his opin-
ion of salvation as expounded by Brother
Graves, astonished his interlocutor nv
the reply that when q man become con-
verted he was marked "alive" and placed
upon Gods standing galley" for future
use; but when man died without know
ing God, he was pied. thrown into the
''hellbox' by the devil" and melted
over.
1t is related that General Nye was try
ing case in the Southern tier, and the
presiding judge was peevish and irritable
as we'll as rather dull. Nye had not Only
cross-examined witness at great length,
but had frequently put the same questions
which the judge had ruled as imploper.