St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-07-20
Squibs.

tail into souse, they may well he said to
make extremes meat.
The postmaster of Deliber, Texas,
was killed the other day by being run
over by garbage cart. He didn't know
it was lOaded.-Grdphic.
The Cars action in kicking all the
newspaper correspondents out of camp
would seem to indicate an unwonted
activity in Russia leather.
The Oil City Derrick suggests When
you see bee backing up towards you,
spreading his coat-tail as he comes,
and there is no other avenue of escape,
cut your throat from ear to ear.
James Russell Lowell tells a good
story about his butcher. One morning
the man expatiated upon the lOveliness
of the night before, and just as the poet
was thinking that he had done him an
injustice in never having given him
credit for refinement of soul, the butch
er added, "The night was so fine | Jest
couldn't sleep, and had to get up and
go to killin'."
They were at a dinner party, and he
remarked that he supposed she was
fond of ethnOlOgy. She said she was,
but she was not very well, and the doc
tor had told her not to eat anything for
dessert except oranges.-NorlCich Bul-
letin.
"Direct from the COW !" Local Inspec-
tOr-"Oh, he has been vaccinated, you
say! Then show me the marks on his
arm ! He has the marks l suppose ?n
Mother-"Oh, that he hev, sir! But not
- driven into a corner 1t was this
way, you see, sir Farmer Akers's COW
she ruined after the children, an ketch-
es my little boy, and torssed him right
over the hidge! But the marks"
local Inspector loses his temper).-
Punch.
The young man who howled "We
wont go home till morning" around the
street Saturday night, was a correct
prophet. He did not get home until
nearly noon on Monday, and had to pay
fine of $5 to get away then.-ROme
Sentinel.
1t is now generally believed that the
ill-feeling between Judge Hilton and
Seligman was caused by the fact that
Seligman wore a diamond as big as a
tea cup and was constantly mistaken
by the guests of the house for the clerk.
A Partisan father-in-law was COM
planning that his daughters husband
knew nothing about gambling. "Why,
that is not defect, it is virtue" "Yes,
but you see-he CANDLES all the same"
Hens do not usually do half so much
damage in garden as does the woman
who goes out to throw things at them.
''Is that your offspring, madam ?"
asked a Missouri judge of a woman who
had hold of snubnosed boys hand.
''No, sir" she replied, ''this is my old
est boy"
| A Western newspaper has improved
on the original plan, and now says:
mo communication will be published
in this paper unless accompanied by
the full name of the writer and five
dollar bill +; these are not requested for
publication, but as a guaranty of good
faith"
About this time of year the weary
editor, worn out by his labors, and feel
badly in need of rest and recreation
for few months, is visited by depu-
tation of the readers of his popular and
influential journal, and presented with
purse containing 81 900, more or less,
to pay the expenses of Il trip to Europe
Well, why not? Doesn't it take as
much brains to run paper as to preach
one sermon a week ?-BOstOn TrdUelLer.
Mr.. LOngfellow, the poet, it is said,
cannot be allured into making an after
dinner speech. This remarG is attribu-
ted to him ~ wouldn't touch toast
list with pair of tongs."
''What's fellow to do, Doctor, when
he's in company and has nothing to
| chor1l
piled the Doctor.
A Kansas man went to New York
and entered a gilt-edged restaurant for
his dinner. He said they sat him down
to "a table with silver castor, clean
plate, knife and a split spoon" He
waited until he was nearly starved, and
then ga niger come up and had the
impudence to ask me what I'd have.
'Vittles = said 1. 'Vittles Bring on
your vittles, and I'll help myself"
A young American who had been in
Paris for year studying medicine was
visited by his father. Like dutiful
son, he parades the author of his being
conscientiously through the city, and
points out to him its social and archi-
tectural lions. Finally they halt before
huge and many pillared building,
surrounded by massive grating.
"What palace OF thingummy is that
lordly PileP" asked the old man.
''Dumino," replies the youth, "but
there is sergent- de-v vile +; I'll ask him."
and, accompanied by his sire, he cross
es over to the officer and puts the ques-
ton. "That, gentlemen says the
municipal guardian, calmly and in a
clear official tone, sis the medical
school !"
The original ulster Overcoat was
made at Valley Forge. 1t consisted of
bed blanket, with holes to put the
arms through, and a mules halter for a
belt.
DoN'T BE A LoAFER.-Young man,
, don't be loafer; don't keep company
with lOafers don't hang about loafng
places. Better work for nothing than