The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-06-21
Humorous Paragraphs.

- In the country, they DlOW2a nOrN
before dinner; in town they take one.
Hood called the slamming of door
by a person in a passion, "a wooden
OATH"
"A ccroner's verdict in Arkansas:
eve find that he came to his death from
trying to cut out Joe Willis in courting
Susie Jackson"
"A japanese student newly arrived
in this country thought we were all doc
tors, because everybody took his hand
and asked after his health.
Detroit Free Press !: "Lightning-rod
men complain of a scarcity of purcha.
sers." All, would that purchasers could
complain Of a scarcity of lightning-rod
men.
"Papa," said little Western boy,
"why don't women have whiskers 2"
because, my boy" was the reply, "their
Jaws are never still long enough for them
to grow"
= Girls have their troubles, but moth
ing is more humiliating to the average
Young lady than to be beaten at a game
of croquet by o girl who still wears her
last years dress.
-"The Republican party" says the
Hartford Post, els no longer child" :"
No; it.may have reached its second child
hood, but it is nevertheless the same old
rogue still.
"No," she replied, and she blushed
prettily as she slipped her number SKIES
back beneath her dress-"nO, l do not
wear so small shoe as ones. My size Is
quite large-I wear twos."
"Why, Sammy" said father to his
little son lately. II didn't know that
your teacher whipped you Friday, Il
guess" replied Sammy, "if you had been
il in my trowsers you'd know'd it."
The Journal Of Chemistry says no
one should drink whisky until it is sew
enty years old. When a Texas paper
prints the item it reads: 'No one should
drink whisky until he is seven years old"
-"You go to Shccaggo, hey?" said a
gentleman from Germany. "Vell, you
be bretty careful about dat water dere'
Eff you dohd want to get seek, you trink
none uf dat water dill you ket used to
him."
An Irishman recently handed in to
the telegraph Office a dispatch intended
to inform another Emeralder employed
upon the public works in a neighboring
town of the decease of q friend. It reads
thus: Barney, come home; died last
night"
. They have kissing fairs out West
forty cents a akiss.-Erchange. We knew
there was something we were suffering
for. Bring us along a couple of fairs
the fairer the better-and we'll invest, II
we have to do without straw hat all
summer. :,
= "It is a standing rule in my church, .
said one clergyman to another, "tor the
sexton to wake up any man that ne sees
asleep" "I think" replied the other
"that it would be better for the sexton
whenever man goes to sleep under your
preaching, to wake you up"
"A Russian Engineer has invented 8
bomb-proof tower, which is moved about
by steam, and in which artillerists sl'
and pelt the enemy with destruction
.By the time the next war breaks out, the
warrior will sit in rocking-chair in the
front parlor of hotel and talk his ene'
mics to death with revolving telephone
= An old man picked up half dollar
in the street. "Old man, that's mine,
said a keen looking rascal, $50 hand i
over" "Did yours have hole in it?'
asked the old man. eyes," replied the
other, smartly. "Then it is not thine, y
mildly replied the old man, "thee must
learn to be little sharper next time, my
boy"
A Scotch clergyman was seen by a
neighbor trudging home on one Monday
morning with stout fish he had Just
bought, and was accosted with, "Mr
Duncan, did you know that that fish was
caught on Sunday ?" The minister, in
his characteristic, blunt manner, said
"Well, we'll, the fish is not to blame fol
that, my man."
1t is said that "the moon has gained
about an inch in rapidity of motion
within the last hundred years. This is
no doubt true, for young men will tell
you that when talking at the gate with
their sweethearts the moon goes down
much quicker now than it did when they
were boys waiting to rob a watermelon
patch in the dark.
One of the hardest things within the
range of possibility is to change the name
of a place. Authorities may decree bu!
people will 60 right on using the old
name. Fully ten years ago the Japanese
Government ordered that Yeddo, the cap
itol of the Empire, should be called Toxic
But foreign nations, outside of the United
States, insist on using the name Yeddo,
and nine-tenths of the people in this
country read of Toxic and think it is
some new town.
= The other day small boy arrived
in Detroit from Eaton county, with a
view of becoming bootblack and gamin.
They called him 'hard nut" out there,
but yet he was very innocent lad COM
pared with the post-ofice gang. The
bows here received him kindly, posted
him as we'll as they could, and yesterday
morning he was found in Mofat's alley
as white as q sheet, and looking like
death on q pale horse. you've been
trying to learn to chew tobacco, have
you?S asked the officer who discovered
him. "I only c-chewed up one plug,
replied the lad, as his teeth knocked to-
gether. "I think what ails me is the
smell of these brick buildings, and the
sight of so much sidewalk. I wish was
b-back on q farm"
There is nothing which adds so
much to the beauty and power of man,
as a good moral character. 1t is his
wealth-his infuence-his life. 1t dig
nifes him in every station, exalts him in
every condition, and glorifes him at
every. period of life. Such character is
more to be desired than everything else
on earth. It makes a man free and in
dependent. No servile tool-croaking
sycophant-no treacherous honor-seeker
ever bore such character. The pure
Joys of truth and righteousness never
spring in such a person. If young men
but knew how much good character
would dignity and exalt them, how 6 To-
rious it would make their prospects, even
in this life; never should we find them
Welding to the grovelling and base-born