Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1877-02-20

q man 'anged for kickin' his wife TO death |!
/ shall ave TO take my boots of y
For the information and guidance Of the
colored race, it may be as well to state now
that the civil rights bill has no bearing
whatever upon the subject Of hen-roosts.
Guv'nor TO prodigal clerk coming in
late)-Half past ten, Mr.. Rawkins Clerk
(pulling out his watch bright you are air.
70 the tick. (Guv NOR gasps.)
The bill introduced in the British Par
Lament TO allow man to marry his de-
ceased wife's sitter is facetiously named
"the bill to abolish sisters-in-law."
Harper, Barar wicksdly suggests the in.
PRODUCTION Of the bell punch into oui
churches. to be used by deaeons when pass
ing the contribution box.
Dear Monotone Immediately II you
see this. II not come on Sunday" This
difficult invitation appears as personal in
the London Times.
How artless When the crowded omni-
bus drives up to fine three-story mansion,
one Of the young women getting out inva-
riably remarks Home at last :"
what a shame that should be starv-
ing?" exclaimed poor corset-maker out OF
work., that have stayed the stomachs
Of hundreds"
A colored coroner's jury in Columbia,
s. c., verdicted: 1--WE find dat dis yere man
died from having forty-seyen ribs broken
and his head smashed"
Vosquez, the California bandit, bet .
man fifty cents that he would be hanged
last Friday The bandit won, but he for
got TO instruct any body TO collect the
money.
IL mean business" said a Detroit boy,
as he shook an old red cent under another
boys nose "two ter one that Mrs. Moul-
ton knows what she is talking about" No
takers.
How many beautiful girl. with q cold
in her head, has wrecked her hopes pf
earthly happiness by soliciting from her too
fastidiouslover the loan OF his pocket-hand-
kerchief.
Somebody in Baltimore claims TO have
seen phantom dog one night recently.
This is encouraging to US. and all others
who have long wished to see phantom dogs
supercede every other sort.
A young man in music shop was lately
oyerpowered BY fastidious young lady,
who wanted to purchase "Mr. Hood So
song Of the-a-gentleman's undergar-
ment" The young man Is still alive.
The Rome Sentinel says: The granger
esses of waterville are discussing the ques-
ton, How shall we keep our husbands at
home eveningsf' A subscriber recon-.
mends them to hire handsomer servant
girls.
A scientist has just appeared who says
he can tell the origin and history OF peo-
pie by simply looking at their feet. BE
thinks that the site Of the present city OF
| Louisville must have once been occupied
BY elephants.
"On which side Of the platform is my
train ?" asked stranger in Jersey City
depot the other day. "Well, my friend y
replied a gentleman passing, "h you take
the left, you'll be right, if you take the
right, You'll be left"
|
boy, as he struggled up street yesterday.
'I'd be well fed. rubbed down and fed, but
I'm boy, and I've got to go home. clean
of snow, bring in wood, tote water, and
rock the id old baby for an hour and q
half"
| A girl screamed in lecture audience in
Lafayette, Oregon. Then all the other
girls screamed General CONSERVATION en-
sued, and rush for the doors. People
were bruised. clothes torn, and the room at
length was emptied. The first screamer
had seen q rat.
"Blue Skin.'s Troy pugilist, made bet.
the other night, that he could drink bar
rel Of beer at sitting. but dropped after
the ninteenth "bucket," and would have
died but for certain emetics. Blue Skin
can fatter himself. however, that he is .
pretty good hog anyhow.
At meeting Of Confederate soldiers the
other day in Atlanta, so many were dubbed
with titles that the following appropriate
Presolution was introduced: Resolved,
That the president appoint a committee Of
one to inquire whether there were any sur
viving privates Of the late war"
A conductor in Burlington, Iowa, was re-
Gently made happy by having voted to him
q badge, at public fair. Being called up
on for a speech. he was hustled upon the
platform. Looking round for moment he
calculated Tickets" and retired. 1t was
80 effective that the band couldn't play for
ten minutes.
"Please, sir" said boy, wiuh two bot
ties, to q grocer, mother wants o cents
worth of your best yeast" "Well, which
bottle will you have it imp" please, sir,
she wants it in both; and won't you put
corks in 'em, and send 'em home, as I'm
going tother way; and mother says she
! hain't got no cent, but you must charge it,"