The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1877-05-25
VARIETIES.

er to his congregation the other day
"does not consist in noise. The Lord can
see you give to the needy just as easily as
he can hear you pray the roof Off"
This was Robert Stephenson's remark
to the man who used to bother him about
perpetual motion "Ifyou will take your.
self up by the waistband of 20 UT breeches
and carry yourself around the room will
consider the matter"
"A youngster while warming his hands
over the kitchen fire, was demonstrated
with by his father, who said, go way
from the stove; the weather is not cold.'
The little fellow, looking up at his stern
parent, demurely replied, 81 amt heating
the weather-rm warming my hands"
Tommy is fond of sugar, and asks his
mother for some to eat with his strawber-
ries She refuses. He appears resigned,
but adds, gravely: "You know, mamma,
what happened around the corner 3
There was a little boy, and his mother
would not give him any sugar on his straw
berries and-''-"And-n "And next
day he fell into a WELL"
Lord Charles Somerset was telling a
long story about his walking in the woods
at the Cape one day, when lie came sudden
ly upon huge shaggy hon. Thinking
to brighten him." said the noble lord, II
ran at him with all my might" "Where-
upon" said another interupting, she ran
away with all his NAME" "Just So" said
his lordship. ..... .......
--"There's COW with five heads, if you
60 to the Central Park you'll see it," said
New York joker to a broker. The brok-
er went to the Park, but didn't see the
tive-headed COW, and on next meeting his
friend, took him to task for his deception.
~ didn't deceive you," said the joker II
said if you went to the Central Park
you would see it, and didn't you see the
Park
The following is the verdict of a ne
gro jury: 1--WE, de undersigned, being a
koroner's jury to sit on de body of de
niger Sambo, now dead and gone afore
us, hab been sittin' on de said negro afor-
said, did, on de nj ght oh de fourteenth of
November come to def by falling from de
bridge ODER de riber, where we find he was
subsequently drown, and afterwards wash
ed on the riber-side, whar we spose he was
troze to defr'
"A gentleman recently called at sta
toners establishment to order some note
paper with heading. He was shown
numberless designs, monograms, &C.
Finding nothing suited to his TASTE he
said 81 want something simpler-iust Il
flower, such as forget-me-not." But,
sir" said the attendant, "that would surely
be more suitable fora young LADY, know
what want" was the prompt reply, "Im
a tailor, and-the paper is for my custom
ers.n
-"The baby has got new tooth, but
the old lady is laid up with cold in the
head" remarked gentleman to defeat
ed candidate. "What do | care ~ was the
reply. "Well said the gentleman, slowly"
"betorc the election you used to take me
aside and ask me how my family was COM
ing on, and I've been hunting you ali over
town to tell you, and that's the way You
talk to me. But it don't make any diff
ference. | voted for the other candidate
anyhow"
"A Western lawyer who was defending
a young man in an action for damages for
having kissed Il girl without her permits
sion, rose to the occasion, and exclaimed
Gentlemen of the jury, look at the fair
plaintiff, and see if she is bit damaged.
No, sir. She's as poorly as an angel this
minute. Besides, gentlemen, my client
could kiss dozen gals without damaging
them a bit, and he's willing to be put to
test at any time, yes, now, if the court
pleases." The jury let him off light.
Two men were sitting together in
smoking car on the Danbury Railway
the other morning, when one of them OBJ
served to the other:
II lost as likely colt as you ever saw,
last winter After pause the addressed
inquired
Ibid it die?"
"Die?" repeated the loser, somewhat re-
sentfully, show could I've lost it if it
hadn't died 2"
II didn't know but it slipped through
crack in the floor" said the other man in
an injured tone.
Both lapsed into silence after that.