Peninsular news and advertiser. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1872-1904, 1877-06-29
WIT AND HUM0R.
LAWYERS.

LAWYERS.
More nice and subtle than those wire-drawers
OF equity andjustice, common lawyers;
Who never end but always prune suit,
To make 1t bear the greater store OF fruit.
As laboring men their hands, ,criers theirlungs,
Porters their backs, lawyers hire out their
tongues,
A tongue to mire and gain accostum'd long,
Grown quite insensible to right or wrong.
WE want our names written in book of
gold as one who loves his fellow-men, but
fruit-tree agents and men with new kinds of
glne must steer clear of us Just the same as il
we were whole cage Of Bengal tigers with
the hydrophobia.
IL TELL you, sir" said DR.. - one morn
Ing, to the village apothecary, II tell you
sir, the cor popai should not must not, be
disregarded." "What, Doctorr' exclaimed
the apothecary, rubbing his hands, ''you
don't say that's broken out In town, too,
has it? Lord help us! what unhealthy times
these arel" -ksa
MINISTER'S should remember that the
weather is growing very warm, and the
same congregation which sits delighted
through two and one-half hours of a five-act
comedy can't possibly endure more than
twenty-five minutes of sermon and three
minute prayer. There is a limit even to
human endurance.
RATHER MIxED.-A young man having
been requested at a dinner to reply to the
time-honored toast of "Woman" closed his
renorks with tha familiar ounfatio, fro,n
Scott
30 woman, in thine hours of ease,
Uncertain, coy and hard to please"
Here his memory failed him but after a
little hesitation he continued in triumph:
"But seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace"
AN ASTONISHING TRANSLATION. - The
only equivalent in the japanese language
for the English word baptism or immersion
is soaking. A ludicrOus illustration of its
application is the following from the Baptist
translation of the Bible into Japanese, which
that good orthodox, the Alliance, says great
| ly astonished the Japs: "In those days came
John the soaker, preaching the soaking of
repentance. Repent and be soaked every
one of you"
AN UNPAID DEBT.-A widow in Balti-
more put Grape on her door. The Grape re-
mained there about week before the land
lord made bold to interrupt her grief, and
when he entered he found nothing there but
the house. Her grief was so intense that
she had inadvertently removed all the furni-
ture. The debt of nature which had been
paid was supposltious. The debt for rent
remains uncancelled. And yet they say that
women are not calculated for business.
POPULAR suffrage has been put to singu-
lar test in q village of Ava, Japan. The
neighborhood was harrassed by a midnight
robber, whom hobody could detect The
head of the hamlet summoned the entire
male population under his charge and drec-
ted every man to write the name Of the per-
son whom he suspected and deposit the tick
ct in box. Fifteen ballots bore the name
of Abe Tanhei, the rest being blanks. The
man whom everybody distrusted was so
overcome with astonishment that he made
full confession and went to prison. Never
before in the history of popular government
was thief elected with such unanimity.
In the House of PEERS during the exami-
nation of the magistrates of Edinburgh,
touching the particulars of the Porteous
Mob, in 1876, the Duke of Newcastle having
asked the Provost with what kind Of shot
the town guard, commanded by Porteous,
had loaded their muskets, received the unex-
pected reply, "Ou, just sic as ane shoots
dukes and fools wi !" The answer was con.
sidered as a contempt of the House OF Lords,
and the poor Provost would have suffered
from misconceptiOn of his patois, had not
the Duke Of Argyle (who must have been
exceedingly amused) explained that the
worthy chief magistrates expression wnen
rendered into English meant to describe the
shot used for ducks and tuaterfoacl.
AS GOOD AS He GAvE.-"Speaking of
shooting ducks" said DR.. F., puts me in
mind of the great storm that occurred when
1 lived on the island. AS you are well aware.
our island was near Cisco Bay; an awful
storm arose, and was so fierce that it drove
all the ducks in the bay into pond, cover
ing about an acre, near my house. In fact,
so many ducks crowded into the pond that
could not see drop of water"
"Sho," said Smith, "didn't ye shoot any Of
emp"
"That's what was coming at / went
into the house, got my double-barreled shot
gun and discharged both barrels right into
the midst of them, but to my astonishment
they arose in the air leaving not solitary
duck on the pond"
"Good graeiousl You don't say so," says
Smith. "Didn't you have any shot in yer
gun, or what in thunder was the matter?"
"Well was coming to that" said DR.. F.
"lt astonished me at first, but as soon as the
ducks arose few hundred yards in the air,
and commenced to separate little ducks be-
gan to drop, and whether you believe it or
not, picked up twenty-nine barrels full and
it was poor season for ducks, too. You
see the ducks were wedged in solid on the
pond, and when they arose they carried the
dead ones in the air with them, and when
they separated, down came twenty-nine bar
rels of dead ducks"
"Oh," says Smith, II am not surprised at
that at all, or Of the big lot of ducks you
bagged, for it was an awful storm. 1 re-
member 1t well, Doctor; had at that time a
corn barn full Of corn; on the outside was q
knot-hole and during the storm the wind
blew so fierce that it blew every ear Of corn
right through the knot-hole and the hole