Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-05-03
ButterWick's Aunt.

The following facts have been collected
in reference to Butterwick's aunt:
Many, many years ago, when she was a
blooming young girl, just home from
boarding school, old Bankson, her father,
remembered how such beautiful and help
less creatures as she constantly fell prey
to designing adventurers; so he deter
mined to protect her from such suitors at
all hazards. He bought shot-guns and
pistols, and turned couple of savage
dogs loose in the front yard, and he never
let her 90 out unless he was along with a
pistol in his pocket and loaded cane in
his hand. AS no desperate lover came to
snatch her from the parental freside, old
Bankson gradually relaxed his vigilance,
because he didn't want to scare off any
good and rich and handsome young man
who might want to marry her. So he
sold his dogs and put his artillery away in
| the garret, and made up his mind to stay
at home, so as to scrutinize any chap who
came around. He waited a year or two,
but nobody came; and then, as he feare:.
| that ButterWick's aunt's charms were not
sufficiently known, he determined to give
several parties, in order to let folks see
| what a splendid creature she was. Then
he told her that he would keep out of the
way when any of the young men called to
see her, only advising her to be very care
full whose attentions she encouraged. But
after the usual party calls, none of the
young men seemed to be struck so hard as
to want to go counting around at Bank
sons.
Then old Bankson began to feel uneasy
| lest his child should not promptly get a
rich and good-looking husband, and he
/ !, 70 1oa1 infn cnoiafry
She did She fairly reveled at hops and
balls all that winter. But old Bankson
had to take her and come home with her,
and the only lover she caught was red
haired young man with a crooked nose
| and squint, and he only went so far as
| to press her hand once and ask her to take
some ice cream. He was a clerk in a
grocery store, and Bankson said he would
rather his lovely child should die than to
throw herself away on him.
But she was getting on in years, and
finally old Bankson began to tell it about
that he intended to give his daughter $50,
| 900 in her own right when she married.
This stirred up a weak-eyed young
| lawyer in spectacles, who called three
times in single week, and then drifted
| off Just as ButterHick's aunt was begin
ming to love him; and the grocery clerk
also called once, but he was so cruelty
snubbed that he gave it up and didn't try
| again.
| So it began to look pretty forlorn foI
| Butterwick's aunt, who was now getting
on toward thirty; and Bankson noised il
around that she was to have $40 900 when
she married, and that he should buy her
brown stone house. Nothing ever came
| of it, though once she saw the grocer's
clerk wander up and tumble at the latch
of the front gate, and she made up her
mind that he was anice-looking little man
anyhow; but he changed his mind and
| didn't come in, and she began to love him
| in secret.
And one day, just before she reached
her thirty fifth year, Old Bankson got des-
perate, and he thought he would 90 down
| and see if he couldn't stir up that weak
eyed lawyer. He got friend to call on
| him and mention that Butterwick's aunt
loved him, and pined for him, and that
her father would sooner give $50, 900 to
the man who married her than to see her
worrying her life out in this despairing
way And when the friend came back
the answer was not encouraging. He
said that the weak-eyed attorney replied
Hang old Bankson's daughter He's
| an old fool and she's a she hyena I'd
not marry her if she was plastered foot
| thick with million-dollar bonds"
And then Bankson waited several years
hoping against hope, till at last he made
up his mind that the grocery clerk might
have her. 1t was sacrifice, but he would
make it on the altar of his child's happi-
ness. He called upon the clerk, and pro-
posed the match to him, and the clerk
said:
"Oh, by GEORGE I aas little soft
! with her years ago, but it's all over, of