Nebraska advertiser., 1877-05-31
Naming the Twins.

friend OF ButterWlckS, who StHld
e at his house short time after the
twins were born. overheard the fol-
lowing conversation between the fond
parents one night after all hands had
retired. He was in the adjoining
room.
Mrs. B.-What shall we call the
twins, Henry dear?
Mr.. B.-O L dunno almost any good
names. How would Moses and Aaron
do. or Cain and Abel?
Mas. B.-You ought to be ashamed
of yourself TO want to name one of
your own children after a murderer
you might have hunted the whole
Bible through without finding any
thing worse!
B.-O well, call them Shadrach,
Meshao and Abednego. then.
Mrs. B.-You know very we'll that
there are only two twins, and that
they can't have three names divided
equally between them. / hate scrip
ture names anyhow. I want to call
them after some distinguished man.
B.-Well, name one of them Butler
and the other Schurz.
Mrs. BID rather die on the spot
than have q child of mine named af-
ter an undergarment.
B.-Howll Bismarck and Gutak off
suit you?
Mrs. B.-Butterwick, you know l
can't abide those German names.
You would InflIot curse on your in
noeent boy IL you would send him
through the world with such q name
as Gutohakoff Butterwick-you know
very well you would. / prefer an
American name-one that belongs to
this country.
B.-Very well, then call one of 'em
Spotted Tail, and the other Hole-In-
The-Day. Those are indigenous to
this continent.
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwiok, if you are
going to turn the subject into ridicule
will get up and dress myself and 60
down stairs. You shsn't insult me to
my face anyhow. You know well
enough that L meant some white
American names.
B.-How would Smith and Jones
answer?
Mrs. BID rather bury both of
them In one grave. Why don't you
suggest some distinguished American
name?
B.-O, all right, there's Benedict
Arnold, and Martin Van Buren,.
Mrs. B.-They shall never have
those names with my consent.
B.-HOw about Adams?
Mrs. B.-That's only one name and
there are two babies.
B.-Well, call one "a" and the
other Dams"
Mrs. B.-Mr. Butterwiok, II you
nse language like that again, I'll go
home to my mothers this very night.
B. Well, then, if you must have
the names of celebrated Americans,
call one "Tilly Slowboy" and the 9th
er "Toodles."
Mrs. B.-Were they prominent
men ?-I don't remember OF having
heard about them before.
B. Why, my dear, they both sign
ed the Declaration OF Independence,
and Slowboy was Vice President un-
der Washington. If you want straight
out Revolutionary patriots, those are
your men.
Mrs. B.-What did Mr.. Toodles do &? |
B.-Louisa. am surprised at your
ignorance! Don't you know that he
commanded the army at Valley
Forge?
Mrs. B.-I don't think much of
their names, anyhow; name over
some others.
B.-Lemme see. There's Mephis-
topheles. and
Mrs. B.-What did ysu say he
did?
B.-Why he commanded the frigate
Constitution in the war of 1912, and
he was killed while mailing the Amer
ican flag to the mast.
Mrs. Band you want to name
one of your children after him?
B.-Certainly. Why not? Noble
old patriot! did he not die in defense
Of Why, Louisa, what are you
going to do?
Mrs. B.-Why, I'm going to quit
this house, and take the twins with
me and stay away forever. I know
just as well as you do that Mephlsto-
pheles Is another name for the devil.
I've seen him at the opera. It's per-
fectly infamous for you to suggest
such name for your own flesh and
blood. don't believe in your Slow
boys OF your Toodles, either. I'm
certain that you've been telling scam
dalous stories. and now I'm going TO
leave.
Then Butterwlck was heard to use
persuasive tone with Mrs. B., and
finally she made it up with him.
The twins were eventually baptised
by the names of John and Henry.-
Mdr Alder ia Net0 York Weekly.