National Republican., 1877-03-04
NIT IND Hy.NOR.

An old maid suggests that when men h.rak
their hearts II ls all tho same rs when lorstsr
breaks one Of his claws-anJthor sprou very
sCur, and grows In Its place.
"He's grown to bo polished Ccn'lrmln,
anyhow, said an old laly,. gazing iondly. as snc
tlokc, at tho shining bald head OF her son Just
fIttrned after long absence.
A nice old lady ofour acquaintance declares
that she thinks II very strange that little quick.
silver in n glass tube can make such awful het
weather by lust rising in 1t an inch or two.
DR.. schliemann's latest discovery IN that
tomb is number of small scraps Of parchment on
which are disconnected writings that he c,nnot
dociphcr. They are probably Agamemorandoms.
A young lady sent poem to a British news
editor ycnturcd to express an opinion that she
would have succeeded had she shown him the
poem.
"Illustratcd with cuts % said n mischpyous
urchin, as he drew his knife across the leaves of
his grammar. ILLUSTRATED with cuts ~ reDeated-
the schOomaster as he drew his cane across the
back oi tho miscbicvOus urchin.
A Yankee paper IN an obituary notice Of
subscribers sor, says -" He was an uncomOn
smart boy. He had a little too mu'h curotiiy
Into the muzZlo Of his fathers gun"
Who finds all the umbrellas that everybody
loses? Every man We meet loses tho umbrella
he buys; hut wo have never, got acquainted with
question before the next rainH
A spread. eagle Yankee orator wanted the
wings Of blrd 70 ily to every village and hamlet
In the broad land but he wtltcd when naughty
boy IN the crowd sung out " You'd be shot for a
goose before you had flied milc.'
A Boston paper says that hns,y pudding
VIII ch had beer set out to cool one morning IN
policeman, oh n charge Of smoking In the street;
apracticc which is not permitted IN that tidy lit.
tie city.
"Do you have mice here I" inquired vist-
ter In the Office of the st. Louis Globe. Democrat
as he gazed at huge pile of exchanges, and lis
tened to q rustic that came up out of the depths
"Oh, no., was tho reply that's our para,
A correspondent sends this funny bit to the
Christian at Work! ~ was reading at prayers
lust now of the Pharisee and Publican, aud when
tic boy OF seven exclaimed triumphantly, 50 you
see the Republicans are rlghtH'
7 Burlington Hack Eye, with characteristic
fairness, draws this line Of distinction: "Camo
rOn's breach ofpromlse suit is undoubtedly case
OF blackman. The trouble with Palmer and
Trumbull, however, is we'll authenticated case
Of black female"
"Comparisons arc odous." The Major
(rocking Nelly on his knee, for Aunt Mary's sake)
IL suppose this is what you like, Nelly?" Nelly,
"Se', IT'S very NICE But rode on real donkey
ksSS"i Know" ~'A" '"' WIN '''' ''S'' '0'
A statistical Partisan bootmaker has re-
Gently given American ladies the distinction of
having the smallest feet by nature among their
ser, and from them he asccnds in the order OF
Spanish, Italians. Russians and English to the
Germans
Poor boy" said a lady, as she took out her
purse to give the little beggar some change,
ayes, ! am poor boy" said tho young rascal,
squeezing q tear out Of his eye, "and have four
purse, shook her head and walked sadly away.
It is reported that 4 certain old geoloeist,
who was bachelor, boasted that every rock was
as familiar to him as BIC. A lady wac heard
him said that she knew Of rock which he did
not know. Name II madam" said the angry
CGlsbs, and the lady replied, at is rock the
cradle, sir"
Some weeks ago the French puzzle,
"Pas de lieu
Rhone que nous"
was published In the Chrisiidn Union and answers
for 4 asked. Nine correct ones were received.
"Not so far from the Rhone as We" But tho
chances are ten 70 & one tbat he istsightly sheep.
One summer day, house In Putnam, Con-
neetlcut; In which there was q sick negro, was
struck by lightning, and some Of the neighbors
Seered out from under the bed. clothes, covered
with spllnters Of wood and broken pleces Of plaster
and eooliy asked, "Am dar goin' to be anuddle
A conceited barrister in Dublin, who sup
posed that whatever happened to him exceeded
anything that could happen to anybody else was
SaS' SaS i%d SaG tie lnasnss % Very Ssd ea
lag T. SS5 sS,s SsSs Ss$ sS, gTsS esd
Piled his fIiend, "ror poor Mr. GiiIicuddy is
dead" "well," reioined Tho barrlster, ''and
Whht OF lhat I coulu nave uieu, 100, III nau
liked It,"
A paper 'out West" has the following no.
ticc: "All notices OF marriage where no bride.
cake Is sent will be set up In small type, and
pOked in an outlandish corner Of the paper
Where a handsome piece Of cake is sent, the no.
tICe will be put conspicuously In large letters;
when gloves or other bride hyors are added, n
piece Of illustrative poetry will be given in add
tiOn. When, however, the editor attends at the
ceremony in person. and kisses the bride, 1t will
have especial notice-very large type, and tho
most appropriate poetry that can be begged, bor
tOwcd, or stolen"
Mr.. Howe, the famous animal painter, was
| a straightforward, bluH kind of man, laying him.
self open, in his brusqucrie, to complaints for
which he cared nothing. On one occasion Howes
| front bell rang, and the servant being out, the
| artist answered the door himself A gentleman
| there presented hmselras q person Of great dig
| nifty and Importance, and, cycling Mr.. Howe with
mixture OF inquiry and contempt, asked, Are
you Mr. Howe, the brute painter" "Yes, SIR
answered Mr.. Howe, very blandly, and even bow
ing-"yes, sir; fancy you will be wanting your
| portrait taken-step in."
A physician once left two kinds of powder
for a sick shoemaker, directing his apprentice to
| administer them alternately, and he, observing
| that one of the powders helped the patient whils
| tho other injured him, so far departed from his
| Instructions as to give only those which did the
| poor shoemaker good, When the doctor called he
| was perfectly astonished to find the sick man
| well, and upon questioning the apprentice and
learning the cause, no angrly exclaimed, "You
| young rascal, what do you mean? meant TO
| havd got pair Of boots out Of the fellow, but
now shall only get pair Of shoes"'