The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-11-08

ana tne0, ana IL In6Se OuQ SNAKES, UndU
make up for the h-and-tumble.
LIVE on what you have; live if you
can on less; do not borrow either for
vanity or pleasure; the vanity will end
in shame and the pleasure in regret.
ga MAN who will maliciously set fire
to a she'd" said Mr.. Slow, "and burn up
twenty cows, ought to be kicked to death
by donkey, and I'd like to do it my
selfp Slow is very severe sometimes.
A YOUNG man who has gone West
and turned poet, contributes the fol
lowing:
The sun in the gorgeous East chaseth the night,
When he riseth refreshed in his glory and might;
But where does he go when he seeketh his rest?
Oh, doth he not haste to the beautiful West?
ST. LOUIS Journal: The average tel
egraph editor is wearing out the knees
of his pants praying that there won't be
a war in Afghanistan. Kelatkekekhan
latofetokekhan is the name of one of
the native generals, and if that doesn't
lay the Bulgarian atrocities in the shade
may We be everlastingly hornswoggled.
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin: Rattlebone's
youngest boy is a genius The other day
he learned to whistle, and in the even
ing, just before tumbling into bed, he
puckered up his little mouth and began
to whistle in slow measured manner.
"Why, my little son, what are you do
iHg?' asked his mother. "Why, ma,
Pm whistling my prayers.
THE method of the Quaker in dealing
with the atheist is good one. Said the
latter: "Did you ever see God ?'' ''No."
"Did you ever feel God?' ''No."
"Did you ever smell GodY' "No."
"Do you believe that there is any God ?''
The Quaker then asked the infidel:
"Friend, did thee ever see thy brains?"
"No." Did thee ever smell thy
brains ?" No." "Do thee think thee
has any brains
AGONY.
Wheeling sneezing all the day;
Eyes watery and streaming;
Coughing in shattered way
Poor nose red, and poor cheeks gray;
Now yoiceless and now screaming.
Pains and aches in every limb;
| Poor features sadly puffy,
| Hearing gone, and eyesight dim;
| Sad, detected solemn, grim:
Head heavy, hot and stuffy.
| To feel all this and then be told,
my dear, you've only got a cold"
| MAYOR ELY of New York, was pres
ent at dinner party the other evening.
He had the honor to take the hostess in
to dinner "I don't know, Mr.. Mayor"
said the lady, whether you are at all
afraid of the measles, but my little
children have them, and I have a slight
attack" The mayor rose to the occa-
sion. "Madame,'' he said, "I should
be only too delighted to take anything
from so charming source"
ONCE when John P. Kemble played
"Hamlet" at a country theatre, the
person who played Guildenstern" was,
or imagined himself to be, great mu-
sician. During heperformance, "Ham-
let" asked him, "WiH you play upon
this pipe?'' "My Lord / canrot. Be.
lieve me, 1 cannot' al do beseech
you' On this the man said, "Well, if
, your lordship insist upon it, l shall do
as well as | can," and to the confusion
) of Kemble and the amusement of the
audience, he began to play "God save
. the King.''
ssMoTHER, mother" cried young
S roelsrat,1rni.es -l.,.-rirta4y frer.-i its FIRST
Il fight. "Pm so. frightened, I've seen
$ such a sightr' "What sight, my son F'
n a asked the rook. "Ohl white creatures,
4 screaming and running and stretching
= their necks, and holding their heads ever
u so high. See mother there they go!
e "Geese, my son; merely geese, calmly
replied the sapient parent bird
n 'sThrough life, child, observe, that wheI
Il YOU meet any one who makes great
IS fuss about himself, and tries to lift hi
ir head higher than the rest of the world
le you may set him down at once to be
s goose"
I. A CLERGYMAN of South Norwalk
III Connecticut, who had been annoyed b.
es the noise made by the late comers to hi
re church, announced fortnight ago that a
au precisely 1890 a. m. every Sunday tn
en- church doors would be locked and N
pc persons would be admitted after that
w w the morning service. Last Sunday h
w. was detained at home by something ii
NO near the moment for the beginning {
no the service. He discovered his DANCE
lie Gus position, however, and ran with a
his speed toward the church which b
succeeded in entering LS before Il
re- doors were closed. Hs wife. one OF Il
he church deacons, and mary of the CO.
gregation were, however ocked out.
ew SIT up to the table when you reao
easy chairs abolish memory. do not
led ON reading the same book for too loI
ior at one sitting. If you are really weal
of one subject, change 1t for anothe
ain Read steadily three hours day for n
ing days in the week; the use of strong et
ILL., /. fee and wet towels betrays an ignoran
'u 'ud of how to read. Check the accuracy
ro. your work as soon as you have finish
it. Put your facts in order as soon
ETY. you have learnt them. Never read all
rtly. midnight. Do not go to bed straig
OF from your books. Never let your rea
;nr ing interfere with exercise or digestlo
s [,et, and lastly, if you can, keep Gle
/ of head, good appetite and cheeri
Os- heart.
the ATLANTA Constitution: A North &
ack L.. ,,-,onner sold his doc to a Laurt