The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-12-01
VARIETY.

Excited wife Ito her husband) {" Do you
not admit that woman has a mission :" Cool
husband 50 1es, my dear, she has -su0mIs,
sion.'' Great confusion in the domestic circle
and the husband calls on the family surgeon
Tor plaster for his head, wounded by accident
ally hitting it against the edge of an open door
9. AS the slow, rising tide of the moon-li
waters of Mobile Bay yestermorn moanfully
beating her sandy shores, life was fast ebbine
out whose glorious career had been spent on tina
liquid plain which encircles the globe" Tha
is the way the Mobile Register tells of the death
of Admiral Semmes.
This is one of the Virginia Footlight's yarns
a Comstocker, at Lake Tahoe, attended camp
meeting, and on his return was telling of a good
time be enjoyed. 4 serious-faced friend asked,
q Were there any converts?'' He stopped a
moment and said So Well, L swear; L forgot to
ask But the baked beans were bully, and the
sailing and rowing was divine, and there were
some of the handsomest girls there l ever saw
Rev. David Sewing thinks it is the duty of
the father of the family to set a card table in
his sitting-room and teach his sons to play.
Good enough And then the boys could play
waxed cards on the old man at circus times, and
beat him out of enough to take the whole crowd
into the tent and set up the red lemonade be-
sides 1t would be q grand improvement over
the old plan of stealing lead pipe and carrying
water for the elephant.
4 \ curious gflmaco on tue faces OF Cne COM
-municants at suburban church on a recent
Sabbath, during the passing of cup, was ex-
plained by the service deacon's wife as she went
but; s. 1t was too bad. Henry made mistake
and got the vinegar jug this morning The same
thing happened in up-the-river church not
many months ago. Deacons, q class, seem
to be giving too much attention to politics.
Springfield Republican.
THANAToPsIs- Thieves broke into the room
nf CulIa Lost fbo
love of garmenture got away with the poets
clothes, and if he could have held communion
with their visible forms for about five minutes
he would have spoken a varied language to them
But they wrapped the drapery of his things
around them and went off with the innumerable
caravan that keeps itself shadowy in the day
time Burlington Haickeye.
A little girl, sent out to hunt eggs, came
back unsuccessfully. complaining that, '' lots
of hens were standing doing nothing That
is exactly the difficulty. 1t is the general
trouble all over the world that hens are stand
ing around doing nothing Oh, the eggs that
are never laid and might be- So many hopes
and plans and schemes of improvement. So
many inventions So many good works Such
refOrmations and movements So much to be |
done, and yet so many hens standing around |
doing nothing
Too HARD.-This is the way the prohibitorv |
law is enforced in Maine The other dav y
lodger at the johnson House In Gardner cot un
IN the morning awful thirsty, and approaching
the landlord, said he must have drink of cider
He was assured he could not buy il in the citv
g Can get it by the gallon, can't L? he said.
He was told he could. So he went up to a store
and inquired If they had any cider to sell by
the gallon He was told they had He wanted
to try it, and drew pint dipper full and drank
1T. He said he "s thought it was too hard for
mince .pies,'' and threw dime on the counter
and left.
A Teutonie friend of ours who is engaged in
the hog business, whom everybody in Northern
california knows as '' Gill; accosted Rev. T. III,
=. Anderson the other day and said 's Veil,
Alr. Anderson, wanted to give you some money
70 hlep build your church but don't got any
chance to steal some hogs before dis. Ven got
good chance to steal some more hogs. I Owe
you some money eyl'' Mr.. Anderson accented the
money, and was very much pleased with the
manner in which SO Gil'' broached the snbiect
: MarySriHe Appeal
AT sale of handmade oil paintings shipped
and sent from some mandatory, and sold at re-
dIculously low prices, Mr.. MIddlerib was looking
PC grand painting of Niagara, in blue and
green water, an moonlight and green grass and
gray rocks, and about two sizes larger than a
theatre drop curtain s. That is q rare picture.
sir, very rare pieture,'' remarked the ilIustri
Gus artist who presided over the auction. Rare.
eh ~ grinned Mr.. Aliddlerib. :. Rare oh. yes.
see; not we'll done.'' And then there was
silence in the vicinity of Niagara by Moonlight
Tor the space Of ten minutes.
An EPIcURE.-He was travel-stained and
weary, and his eyes had far-of wistful look, as
though he knew that rest was not for him, how
eyer much his tired heart might crave for it /;
as he humbly asked the lady of the house for
morsel of food his venerable appearance and evil
dent want aroused all her wOmanly generosity.
and she presently set the poor tramp down to the
remains of the family dinner. 80 Poor old man.
she murmured sympathetically, as she saw him |
lean back in the chair leaving the food untouched
on the plate, Sc he is too weary to eat - and she
asked him if he felt i'll. So Not exactly num-
was the answer in an humble voice; but mos |
people cooks their roast beef till its oyerdone. an
overd0ne beef don't agree with me. Y'hayn't |
any w Wooster sauce, have ye? l mos Centrally |
use it when beef ant cooked to suit me-"