Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1877-09-06
WHY THEY DIDN'T GO.
The Misfortunes Of a Young Lady Whose
Papa Was an Inventive Genius.
from the New York Times.1

[From the New York Times.]
Early on the evening of the Sd of July
Miss Morris, the lovely and accomplished
daughter of Mr.. Morris, was seated in the
large worsted chair in her fathers drawing
room waiting to receive the farewell calls OF
the young men who on that very day had
graduated at the Monroe University. She
was deservedly popular, and she had estl-
mated that at least eleven young men would
call that evening, and that in all probability
several of the number would bring friends
with them. At 7:30 the first of her guests
arrived, and before $50 seventeen young men
in their very best clothing were sitting in the
mahogany chairs with which the drawing
room was furnished, with their backs closely
pressed against the wall.
The evening sped rapidly away. There
was lemonade and sponge cake handed
around by the servant, and Miss Morris
played and sang with great applause. The
young men appeared TO enjoy themselves
greatly. and writhed their legs in the restless
way characteristic of the bucolic undergrad
uate when experiencing the sensation OF
peaceful bliss. But when 10 o'clock came,
and no young man showed the slightest dis
position to withdraw, the hostess began to
fear that each one had registered VOW to
''sit the rest OUT At IL o'clock she was
sure that her suspicion was correct, as a look
of stern determination to undergo any
| amount of suffering was visible upon each
face. The young lady was hurt, alarmed,
and angry, and when the boldest OF her vlsl-
tors finally broke the silence of several min
utes be respectfully begging that she would
retire and send her father to hold confer
ence with them, she rushed up stairs, awoke
the author of her being with the announce
ment that seventeen young men wanted to
see him instantly, in order to propose fol
her hand, but that they we're horrid wretches
burst into tears
Mr. Morris arose, dressed himself as rapidly
as a thumb recently mashed with hammer
and foot newly lacerated with an ak wOulC
permit, and descended with the full purpose
of ordering the young men out OF the house
A few earnest words, addressed TO him IN
low tone by the spokesman of the company,
caused him to change his mind. Owing tt
his careful closing OF the drawing-room doo1
| the precise nature of the conversation which
ensued could not be heard up stairs but
nevertheless, strange sound, as of the rend-
ing of garments, accompanied by smothered
exclamations of pain and rage, penetrated
the house. 1t Was firmly believed by Miss
Morris that her hitherto peaceful parent was
tearing those seventeen young men IN pieces
but her mind was soon relieved by hearing
them depart in body, and with unusua
haste. Mr.. Morris was, of course, over
whelmed with questions after be had locked
the front door and returned to his waiting
daughter; but he refused to give any expana
ton beyond remarking that it was all mis-
take, and that accidents are liable to happen
which latter assertion no one will have the
hardihood to call in question.
fearful spectacle. To each chair were
clinging fragments of broadcloth and shreds
of linen. The aid of sharp knife, together
with quantities of spirits of turpentine, was
necessary to obliterate the relics of the seven
teen contiding and betrayed young men. Mrs
Morris promptly seized her husbands entire
stock of patent inodorous varnish, and bri
bed small boy to throw it into the river
| That well-meaning but too ingenious mar
was compelled to bind himself by solemn
promise never to bring another drop OF var
nish into the house, and was fined an entire
new set of chairs. together with new bonnets
for his wife and daughter. As for the youne
men, they flew from the town by the earliest
train, and it is asserted that at least two o.
them departed in Ulster overcoats, to the i'm
mense establishment of the travelling public
Of course, the affair created tremendous
sensation, and the whole story was published
together with the names of the young men
and a minute descrition of their several losses
in the West Monroe Gazette Let US hop
that the catastrophe will prove warning
not merely to Morris, but to all other in
gen;ous husbands, and that they will imitat
his example in resolving to henceforth ab
stain from varnish in every form.