Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1877-12-05

s.yUsT FOR FUN.


Mrs. Lydia Sherman, the poisoner, has
been recaptured. We were in hopes
that she would fascinate and marry Ben
Butler.
A woman's thought How men would
be loved if they were only lovable how
lovable women would be If they were
only loved. XXI. ...- ...-.
If you go on an excursion and the
seats are all taken, stand up as long as
you can and then cry out, MAN over
board " Every woman will rush for the
rail.
A Farming exchange informs us
''How to tell bad eggs" When an
egg is bad man doesn't want to tell it
anything-he wants to get right away
from it. a .'.a
The right kind of boy with pea
shooter can take mans mind off his
business troubles and politics quicker
than anything else in this bleak, cold
world.
A dawn-town man who went to
church last Sunday remarked afterward
that he preferred the organ to the
preacher. He said there seemed to be
stop in the organ. ..--
A Medical journal gives the antidotes
10 number of poisons, and adds
''These remedies must be given before
the doctor comes" BY all means.
Give the patient one chance for his
lite.
To avoid all trouble ov law suits from
heirs and others, have konkluded to
administer upon mi own estate by
spending it as 90 along.
A hornet is not so innosent az kat
terplller, but venerate them more.
Thare is one end ov them that no man
kan with IMMUNITY phool with.
When an ole man marrys young
wife, the low i'll the transackshun is
alwus on the one side, but the folly is
equally divided.
1t is this lying awake nights trying to
determine whether to leave your for
tune to an orphan asylum or a home
for old men that makes the newspaper
business so wearing.
"Georgy. do you know that your
Uncle James found little boy-baby
on his doorstep last night, and that he
is going to adopt him ?" Yes, mamma;
and he'll be Uncle Jim's step-son,
won't he 2"
Two ragged little urchins were stand
ing in the gutter looking at lady who
had just fallen down on the pavement.
1T isn't SO much that like oranges"
observed one Of them, but what a lot
of people you can bring down with the
peel!"s3
Mr.. Jones, don't you think women
are more sensible than menu" asked
Miss Smith. And Jones, after scratch
ing his favorite bump for moment or
two, said: ''Why, certainly they are
they marry men,"
Talk about your good boys as you
will, but the lad that put the fre-crack-
ers in his teachers desk and touches
them off when he Is going to be asked a
hard question, is the fellow that will
turn out in future years to be SELF
made man.
1t was very careless to leave the par
rot in the parlor Sunday evening, but
she never thought anything about it un.
til Monday morning, when he reused
the whole house by making smacking
noise and crying: Darling Susie!
darling susie ~ He kept it up all day,
and the old folks are much interested
in the case.
When you see woman standing on
a kitchen chair, looking up at the ragged
hole ID the plastering, while she holds a
hammer in her right hand and her left
thumb in her mouth, there is no chance
for candid opinion about the nail
works.
He was pretty good at the play bu-
siness" said Mr.. Grant, contemplately
regarding the tomb of Shakespeare, ''but
l should like to have seen. him fighting
Bob Lee or trying to be good presi-
dent with Charles Sumner chairman of
the Committee of Foreign Relations"
The question arising in Sunday
school as to why God created all the
animals of the fields and sea and air be-
fore he created man. no one gave So
luton of it until little boy said: II
know it's because he didn't want the
man hanging around while he was max
ing 'em."
A lady in general conversation, by
ingeniously cooking her dates, was re-
ducing her age to an astonishing limit.
Her daughter, whose partly French
blood had brought her keen wit, inter-
posed with the remonstrance, SAT least,
leave nine months between our ages,
mammal"
A little squint-eyed Chicago boy
prancea up to his mother one day and
said, Ma, hain't been real good since
I've begun to 60 to Sunday-school?"
Eyes, my lamb" answered the mater
nal fondly. "And you trust me now,
don't you, ma ?" Eyes, darling" she
replied again. "Then," spoke up the
little Innocent, "what makes you keep
the cookies locked up in the pantry tie
same as ever?"
The old gentleman went into the par
lor the other night. at the witching hour
IF 11.d5 and found the Room unliohted