The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1877-01-31
en- whcsIs-.ssr. Mfddlerib Tries the
GkaiCN.

ON whceIx.-sEr. Midtiierib fries the
skates.
IFrom thc harrington Hawkeycj
Tac fact was, Mr.. Middlerib said to his
family at the breakfast the other.morn-
inc. il a mans heart was young he never
rrew old. 1t was not only foolish, but IL
WAS wrong and wicked, for man TO les
every gray hair, rs fast as it came into MS
head. cuS of some remnant OF bis boylsn
yvnys and hoyish happiness until he became
a mere shadow OF his real, natural sell.
Syfr. Middlerib liked to see boyish OLD men,
for his part. 1t looked natural ana hea' All. =
full ,> 80
hadn't as much hair on his heaa as mou, n.
stuff a pir,-cushion, she thought he was ABOUT
old enough to behave more like man than
scbool-boy. and she dropped half ration OF
s,,gar and double allowance OF GROUNDS
into Mr.. Middlerib's second cup OF coifee,
while abe mentally wondered what tomfooi-
ery that man was up to now.
Tne fact was, Mr.. Middlerib, infatuated
BIZ an artistic display he had witnessed at
the rink q few evenings previously, had made
UP his mind to try turn on the roller
skates.
There was some little difficulty expe-
rienced when Mr.. MiddIerib presented him
self at the rink and called for the necessary
paraphernalia in finding pair OF skates
that would accommodate him. He has been
afflicted for wears past with tender feet, and
hiss dealt most tenderly with the active
"reminiscences Of youthful corns and bum
ions, and the distorted remembrance OF the |.
tight boots Of his callow days, by wearing T
the largest and softest socks and the roomicst
boots that could be had for money. Con-
setYuently when he asked for skates the man
thought he must mean a pair OF sklds. But
they found pair that could be- persuaded
to do; and, although Mr.. Middlerlb ceulo
not see them when they were on his feet, he
accepted the statement OF the artist that
they were Just . snug fit, and stood up
temporarily.
He had fallen with such amazing celebrity
and promptncss that he couldn't for the
life OF him sec that it changed the slippery |
skate of his boyhood particle to take of |
the blade and put on wheels. He felt around |
for bis hat, which had jolted up of his head |
like rocket and lodged in the chandelier; |
and when they fshed it down and handedit |
to him he felt around for his head, which |
seemed to have gone story and half
higher than the hat. But it was in its
usual place, and he tcnderly covered it
with his hat, pulling the head-piece
clear down over his ears to avoid
the danger Of jolting it up through the ven
tilator in the ceiling. Then he got up very
slowly and with alarming caution. He held
Oil to post with one hand and man with
the other, and Strengthened up by degrees,
as a boy hiding behind the woodpile rises
to see il his father is coming. When he
stood up at last and looked down at the
floor, MIR. Middlerib was amazed to see how
far away it was. 1t didn't seem as though
he could stand on one foot and reach down
to it with the other
II his knees would only quit wobbling,
he said, he could strike out and get around
with any Of them. The man who steadied
him told him they wouldn't wobble after he
got started. Mr.. Middlerib's confidence in
the steadiness of the roller-skate, however,
had been sadly shaken since he got his foot
on it, and it required great deal OF per-
suasion on the part OF Mr.. Maxwell, and
great deal of exhibition and poetic skating
on the part OF the eXpoSitory artist, to in
duce him to strike out. But he struckioutat
last, with both feet. East by north with the
left foot, or kind OF up toward the Cedar
Rapids depot, and southeast by south, or in
: the general direction Of Dickie's mill and
Prospect bluffs with the other. His feelings
were terrible. Each foot went further than
the other, and gained in speed at every re-
volution Of the little wheels. II Mr.. Mid
i
skated farther, and faster, and in more
widely-diverging directions. AS it was,
Just before he tore himself in two, one Of
his feet struck bench, and the other, a good
but PROSTATE young man, who had,
If Mr.. Middlerib could Judge by the
crash which accompanied his arrival,
Just fallen from the moon. Strong hands
sustained Mr.. Middlerib, and assisted him to
pull himself together again; for the owner
OF the building had just informed the pro-
prietor of the rink that il Mr.. Middlerib
fell again he would raise the rent. Mr.
: Middlerib sighed heavily, and said it was q
:, dreadful feeling to feel yourself seeding
fairly disintegrat;nS, as it were-and no con-
stitutional distractions to check the pro-
ceedings. He had, however, he said, rather
got the hang OF it, and thought he would
] do very well. II the man, he said, would
only give him helping shove to start him.
Ard the man kindly gave him helping
shove and started him. And now Mr..
Middlerib started of down the rink like
landslide on legs.
He had not got twenty feet away from
the man before he made the appalling dis
covery that his feet were moving forward
ct a much greater rate than his body. he
thought that maybe he was making steam
too fast, and accordingly he shut off and
held his feet close together, but they held
the start they gained, and even kept on in
creasing it. Mr.. Middlerib knew that this
could not last long; he knew that matters
would be brought to crisis very soon; and
he saw disaster staring him in the face il
he didn't manage to catch up with his feet
very Immediately. He remembered how he
used to stop himself when he was boy,
and, raising his toes, he essayed to dig his
heels in the floor.
He came great deal nearer. so the peo-
pie said who saw him 60 down, digging his
toes into the ceiling. But he dug something
into the floor with sufficient vehemence to
enable him to "sloW up" before he went
through the end Of the building. He said,
when they set him up and let him lean
against the perforated end OF the arnica-
bottle, that the ice Of his childhood, as he
remembered il, was less addicted to sliyers
than the rink surface, and when man
fell on it he slid far enough to
break the force OF the fall. He then
asked for pair OF skates with air.
brakes, and on being informed that there
were none in the market, he said he would |
take pair with the old-fashioned hand |
brakes, and when he found there were no
skates with those appendices he solemnly |
said il he had known that he would not
have depended on them, and need not have
fallen. And he said, too, that he bell eyed
he had had all OF the fruit he cared about.
There were men, he confidently informed
the atten dants who embarrassed his feet,
who never knew when it was time IN 40