The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1877-12-20
Wit and HunOr.

TWO oysters Ill Sdllou VI luho"diIu
fluid at church fair are no longer called
stews, but aquariums.
''THE point is just this" says the Sub
Zine Porte, II am Turkey, and Russia
wants to do the gobbling.'
A LITTLE girl, in describing man
whom she noticed in shoes but not socks,
said he was barefoot with shoes on.
WHATEVER else may be said against
the Chinese no one can truthfully say
that he ever saw one who parted his hair
in the middle.
VEN some man Shape me on der Shout
der und says, 81 vas glad to hear you vas
vell," und den sticks behind my back
his fingers to his nose, l hev my opium
of dot weller.
IT is suggested that one reason why
Californians hate Chinese so is because
the latter introduced the fashion of hav-
ing shirts washed at least once per week.
-Faee Press.
THE following announcement appeared
recently in an English paper: "St James's
Church-On Sunday next the afternoon
service will commence at half-past three,
and continue until further notice."
A LITTLE girl was teaching her little
brother the Lords Prayer the other night,
and when she had said, "Give us this day
our daily bread, he suddenly called out {:
'Pray for syrup, too, sister, pray for
syrup, too"
ONE day Rowland Hills chapel, with a
thinner attendance than usual, suddenly
filled during shower of rain. He said :
~ have often heard of religion being
used as cloak, but never before as an
umbrella"
AN old farmer, on being asked why a
peacock that was strutting through the
yard was like figure 8, couldn't see the
when he was told that it was nothing
without its tail.
A TEACHER, after reading to her
scholars a story of generous child,
asked them what generosity was. One
little boy raised his hand and said, 81
know; it's giving to others what you don't
want yourself"
A RICH but parsimonious and very old
gentleman, on being taken to task for
4
give much; but if you only knew how it
hurts me when l give anything, you
wo1ln't wonder"
A MEDICAL journal gives the antidotes
to a number of poisons, and adds
"These remedies must be given before the
doctor comes" BY all means. Give the
patient at least one chance for his life
Louisville C0urier-Journal.
A PROFESSOR was one day walking
near Aberdeen, when he met a we'll
known natural" pray" said the pro.
fessor, show long can man live without
brainsl" IL dinna KEN" said Jeremy,
scratching his head, show auld are ye
yerself'
A LITTLE girl, who was sent to the
pasture to drive home the cows, fell and
was severely scratched and bruised. On
returning home she was asked if she
cried when she fell. 'Why, no." she re-
piled, "what would have been the use
There was nobody to hear me-"
"AND where was the man stabbedf'
asked an excited lawyer of a physician.
1.-The man was stabbed about an inch and
q half to the left of the medium line, and
about an inch above the umbilcus," was
the reply. ."Oh, yes, understand now
but thought 1t was near the town-hall."
A DUTCHMAN, in describing a pair of
horses that he had lost, said: "Dey was
fiery much alike, especially the off one.
Won lookt so much like both could not
tell tother from which; when l went
arter one l always cotched the other,
and whipped the one most dead because
the oder kicked me-"
JEANNE" said a venerable Cameron
ian to his daughter, who was asking his
consent to accompany her urgent and ia
vorite sutton to the altar, "Jeannie, it il a
very solemn thing to get married" II
know 1t, father" replied the sensible dam
sci; "but it is great deal solemner not
to-"
'GoT all kinds of ties herel" said a
would-be wit, entering well-known
furnishing store. "Yes, sir" replied the
.shopman. "Well, should like a pig
sty" remarked the customer Gall right,
sir; just bend down your hogshead and
we will take your measure" said the
ready shopman.
REsPEcr.-A German lost his wife,
and the next week married again, and his
new wife asked him to take her out rid
ing. He felt indignant that she should
have no more respect than that for his
deceased wife, and said, "You dink ride
out nit another woman so soon after the
death Of mine frau9"
A NERVOUS man, whose life was made
miserable by the gathering Of two black
smiths, prevailed upon each of them to