Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1877-12-05
Selections.

Selections.
The Turkish ship of state is hard
up Port.-P. 1. Man.
It's wise child that knows it's
own pap.-N. Y. Hearld.
Glass eyes, as a general thing,
are not real-eye able.-N. York
Weekly.
In spite of the sneers of bach
elors marriage is the rite thing
Lowell Courier.
Learning the ropes is of no ad-
vantage to man after he has been
hung.-N. o. Picayune.
There is no truth in yeast. Once
crushed to earth it will not rise
again.-New Orlearns Picayune.
1t has been remarked of Chi
cago couple, 1.-TWO souls with but
a single thought-how to get rid of
each other"
"New burglar alarm" What
we need, though, is something that
will alarm the old burglar.-Cin-
cinnati Saturday Night.
A Kentucky inn-keeper offers to
entertain eloping couples at halt
price. He can afford to, provided
the two have been made one.
The great advantage about lean
wife is that you don't have to call
in carpenter every time she falls
down stairs.-Easton Free Press.
A Scotch Bailie thus excused
himself for breaking an engage
ment: 81 couldna come, you know
canna be in twa places at once.
l am not ampheebious."
It is now believed that the fixed
stars were placed so far away in
order that the patent medicine man
couldn't get there to paint on the
rocks.-Bridgeport Standard.
When q man returns home at
night and kisses his wife with more
than ordinary tenderness, she may
be pretty certain that he has been
in mischief.-Joaquin Miller.
"He waived his adieux," as the
country editor remarked of sub
scriber who had skipped out over
night, leaving his creditors in the
lurch.-New York Commercial Ad-
vertiser. -
"Will you please insert thi;
, obituary notice!" asked an old gen.
tleman of country editor. 81
make bold to ask it because | know
the deceased had a great many
. friends about here who would be
: glad TO hear of his death"
Somebody has sent to this oflicC
: n tract entitled: "What it is tC
} be Damnedw Such things are
useless to newspaper men. All o
the profession who have been any
) length of time engaged in 1t arr
very well aware what it is.-Bos
ton Transcript.
A sergeant in the Bararian army
who was recently discharged on ac
count of lung disease, was IN th
I habit of drinking twenty quarts o
beer day. We don't wonder hi
lungs were afflicted; he must hav
spent about half his time holding
his Observation-Disclosures Hawkeye
The Franklin Patriots tooth
hurty gait to the dentists is no
much wickeder than this speci0
distortion of the GLASGOW Times
awe thought it bad enough in Ken
tucky to have a tax to pay on
fellows head, but we notice in tn
Missouri papers great complain
about back taxes"
= "Pshaw ~ said a young lady {
musical taste, passing certal
: church Sunday night, where an IL
competent organist was torturin
S' the instrument, ''it's enough t
make that congregation all 6
is wicked just to imagine their OF
W ganist having harp in the Ne'
Jerusalem and being entitled t
play on it."
+, ,ie The butter-workiDg artist VIII
produced the "Dreaming lolanthe
he he is now at work on another ilgur'
&c to be called "The Coming Man
nd A boarding house victim suggest
that it should be called sampson
but we believe Simpsons strengt
was dependent upon his hair
Worcester Press.
II. So does buffers sometimes
= Detroit Free Press.
A little boy of Des Moines, low
!, who writes to his "fren Jimmy
that he is going to run away fro
:, school and be an editor, thus clos'
Of his letter: "Tel yer sister Kate
ne l don't hav nothic moar to do wit
that links girl. an / am troo to he