The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-10-27
VARIETY.

Brigham Young thought the hardest part of
married life was to make watermelon go round.
Dubhthach Mac ma Lugair, the chief of Celtic
poets, in plain English becomes Duffy Mcclure.
Foreign paper Sc Bedad, an av it's nothing
ye want" said Pat, 'syeIl foind it in the bottle
where the whskey was
A good little boy who was kicked by mule
did not say naughty words or go home crying
to his mother. He just tied the mule within
five feet of a beehive, backed him round to it
and let him kick.
The Dead March in Saull'' exclaimed a
started old lady on seeing in her paper the title
of an old Iiece of rausc. sc Well, now, / don't
believe the dead march in Saul any more
than they can march over in Jarsey!" !"
a judge, joking a young lawyer, said sc If
you and were turned into horse and ass,
which would you prefer to be-? , "The ass to
be sure replied the lawyer. '' I've heard of
an ass being made judge; but horse never"
There may come a time when everything bad
of Brigham Young will be forgotten, and he will
be remembered as the great philanthropist who
buried twenty-seven mothers-in-laws in a dozen
years.
'' Will the boy who threw that pepper on the
stove please come up here and get the present
of new book ?'' said Sunday School Superin-
tendent in Iowa but the boy never moved. He
was farseeing boy.
An old citizen in a country village, on having
a subscription list handed him toward purchas-
ing a new hearse for the place, thus excused
himself; IS paid five dollars for new hearse
forty years ago, and me and my folks hain't had
the benefit of it yet"
The Rev. Phillips Brooks tells the suggestive
speech of a backwoodsman who heard Bishop
Mead preach without manuscript, In frontier
church. ss He is the first of them fine fellers,"
said the homely critic, Sc that 1 have ever seen
who could shoot without rest
The other day the Butler (Pa.) Eagle,
in brilliant report of tony wedding that
occurred in that town, announced that SO the
brides trousers were the loyelieet saw
He wrote IL &c trousseau,'' but the intelligent
compositor made the fatal faur pas and went
West.
( Old gentleman (examining what he believes
60 be a war map)-'' Although / trace the
route of the Russians on their last movements,
do wish they would make these maps
little palmer Daughter Why, father. that's
my Bazaar pattern paper you have got hold OF. ;"
-Harper's Weekly.
1t is thought that B. Young ought to have
recovered from his cholera morbus, but when
it came to fighting with twenty-seyen women,
each one with different kind of mustard plaster
for her dear husband, and a new kind OF herb
tea, it was too much for him. Every woman
laid her plaster where there was room, and the
prophet went down to his grave like sand
witch.
A gentleman gave q party in honor of a dis
ting uished missionary lately returned from his
field of work. The ladies appeared with very
decoIlete dresses and his host feared the style
might shock his reverence, he apologized to him
for it, saying that fashion demanded it. g Oh,
[ don't mind it at ALL replied the missionary;
50 have been ten years among the savages"
Far be it from US to doubt the word of a
brotber editor says the La Crosse Sun ' we
believe them all to be truthful men but when
the Durand Times says that the water is so low
at the III south of the Chippewa river that catfish
have to employ mud turtles TO tow them over
the bar, we feel as though the editor must be
away and some local minister filling his place
WHrRr He WoULp BLOW HM-An affidavit
recently submitted in a Brooklyn court reads
thus s. And deponent further says that the de-
fendant drew a pistol and threatened deponent
that. if he did not at once leave the premises,
he, the said defendant, would blow hlm to nell,
which deponent verify belieyeth said defendant
would have done had he, the said deponent,
not done as he was commanded"
A little squint-eyed Chicago boy pranced up
to his mother one day and said s. Ma. hahn been
real good since I've begun goin' to Sunday
schoola' GO Yes, my lamb" answered the
maternal fOndly; An And you trust tn me nov now;
again. {. Then,'' spoke up the little innocent,
IS what makes you keep the cookies locked up
in the pantry the same eyer?''
The story is told of clergyman that after
preaching an interesting sermon on SO The Re-
eognition of Friends in Heaven he was accosted
by hearer, who said &c like that sermon,
and l now wish you would preach another on
the recognition-of people in this world. l have
been attending your church three years and
not five persons in the congregation have as
much as bowed to me in that time ~
Rev. DIR. McCosh tells story of negro who
prayed that he and his colored brethren might
be preserved from their .'upsettin' SINS
" Brudder,'' said one of his friends at the close
of the netting, 50 you ain't got de hang OBJ dat
ar word. It's besettin', not upsettin'.' ''Brud-
der,'' replied the other, '' if dat's so, it's SO.
But was prayin' de Lord to us from de sin
OBJ toxication, an eff dat amt upsettin' sin
1 dunno what am
HAD NEVER GIVEN UP.-A Providence minis
ter was once told by man that he had been a
professor of religion for many years, but for ten
years had neglected all religious duties but not
withstandng this he had never given up his
hope" The reverend gentleman, noticing
meanwhile that this breath smelled strongly of
liquor, lost no time in telling him it was time he
did. He did not set much value upon hope
that had been preserved in whiskey for ten
years.