The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-09-01
The MisfOrtunes of Young Lady
Whose Papa was an Inventive
Genius.
New York Times. ]

EdTiN on tue evening OF tine Oh OF
July Miss Morris, the lovely and accom-
plished daughter of Mr.. Morris, was
seated in the large worsted chair in her
fathers drawing-room waiting to receive
the farewell calls of the young men who
on that very day had graduated at the
Monroe University. She was deservedly
popular, and she had estimated that at
least eleven young men would call that
evening, and that in all probability sew
eral of the number would bring friends
with them. At 1880 the first of her
guests arrived, and before s 80 seventeen
young men in their very best clothing
were sitting in the mahogany chairs with
which the drawing-room was furnished,
with their backs closely pressed against
the wall,
The evening sped rapidly away. There
was lemonade and sponge cake handed
around by the servant, and Miss Morris
played and sang with great applause.
The young men appeared to enjoy them
selves greatly, and writhed their legs in
the restless way characteristic of the
bucolic undergraduate when expe-
riencing the sensation of peaceful bliss.
But when ten o'clock came, and no
young man showed the slightest dispo-
sition to withdraw, the hostess began to
fear that each one had registered Vow
to " sit the rest out" At eleven o'clock
she was sure that her suspicion was cor
rect, as look of stern determination to
undergo any amount of suffering was
visible upon each face. The young lady
was hurt, alarmed, and angry, and when
the boldest of her visitors finally broke
. a silence of several minutes by respect
fully begging that she would retire and
send her father to hold conference
with them, she rushed upstairs, awoke
the author of her being with the an
nouncement that seventeen young men
wanted to see him instantly, in order to
propose for her hand, but that they were
horrid wretches whom she perfectly
hated, and thereupon burst into tears.
Mr.. Morris arose, dressed himself as
rapidly as thumb recently mashed
with hammer and foot newly LAGER
ated with an AK would permit, and de-
scended with she full purpose of ordering
the young men out OF the house. A few
earnest words, addressed to him in a low
tone by the spokesman of the company,
caused him to change his mind. Owing
to his careful closing o. the drawing
room door the precise nature of the con-
versation which ensued could not be
heard upstairs; bur, nevertheless,
strange sound, as of the rending of
garments, accompanied by smothered
ordinations of pain and rage, pene-
trated the house. 1t was firmly believed
by Miss Morris that her hitherto peace
full parent was tearing those seventeen
young men in pieces, but her mind was
soon relieved by hearing them depart in
body, and with unusual haste. Mr..
Norris, was, of course, overwhelmed
with questions after he had locked the
front door and returned to his waiting
daughter, but he refused to give any ex-
PLANTATION beyond remarking that it was
all a mistake, and that accidents are
liable to happen, which latter asst rtion
no one will have the hardihood to call
in question.
The next day that drawing-room pre-
sented fearful spectacle. To each chair
were clinging fragments of broadcloth
and shreds of linen. The aid of sharp
knife, together with quantities of spirits
of turpentine, wasnecessary to 0bliterate
the relics of the seventeen confiding and
betrayed young men. Mrs. Morris
promptly seized her husbands entire
stock of patent inodorous varnish, and
bribed 6 small boy to throw it into the
river. That well-meaning but too in
genious man was compelled to bind him
self by solemn promise never to bring
another drop of varnish into the house,
and was fined an entire new set of
chairs, together with new bonnets for
his wife and daughter. AS COR the young
men, they flew rom the town by the
earliest train, and it is asserted that at
least two of them departed in Ulster
overcoats, to the immense establishment
of the travelling public. OF course, the
affair created tremendous sensation,
and the whole story was published, to-
gether with the names of the young men,
and minute description of their sew
eral losses, in the West Monroe Gazette
Let us hope that the catastrophe will
prove warming, not merely to Morris,
but to all other ingenious husbands, and
that they will initiate hisexample in re-
solving to henceforth abstain from var
nish in every form.