The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1877-07-03
HUMOROUS.

Kate Claxton is only her stage name.
She is known in private life as Sallie
Mander.
The right kind OF dog on ship
board may be used for a mastif neces-
sary.
Carl Schurz not only plays upon the
piano but upon the Cabinet organ as
we'll.
Wordsworth says: = "Heaven lies
abont MS in our infancy" We can't
always find out who does 1t when We
get older.
A report reaches us from Paris that
the ladies are wearing cat-tails In their
bonnets. It seems like n waste OF cats
to cut off their tails and throw the body
away.-Norristow Herald.
A Marquette county man sent poem
to one of his local papers, entitled
"The Sheen of May" and the editor
refused to publish it, on the ground
that il was may-sheen poetry.
There is good deal of wisdom in
the remark of the New Orleans Repub-
lican, that cross-eyed minister should
never get up and read the hymn, II
win Guide Thee With Mine Eye"
A missouri aspirant 10 matrimony
advertised that he will give three mules
to any maiden who will wed him
which gives rise to the question.
'sWhat respectable woman wound want
such a four-in-handr
Mrs. Murry had no spoon for her
sonp, and called the attention OF tho
servant TO the fact. The man-servant
replied 10 his mistress in voice which
was heard all over the room, Mum,
the last time Mrs. Murray was here, We
lost a spoon y
A young man who mistook bottle
| of yarnish for a bottle OF hair-oil, con-
cluded that dancing was n frivolous
| amusement, and kept awaw from Q
masquerade ball. But when inquisi-
tive friends asked why he staid away,
ho told an unvarnished tale.
..What is that black-looking thing
standing mp in that corner?" is some
times asked by IN unsophisticated OBJ
server in n printing Office and the
nearest typo answers: That Is the
printing Office towel. We always stand
| it up in the corner"
1 A negro being asked what he was in
iail for, said il was for borrowing mon
ey. "But," said the questioncr, they
don't put people in jail for borrowing
money" Eyes" said the darkey, "but
7 had TO knock de man down free or 10.
times before he would lend it to me.
Sceue at the church door Qady to
scxtop);-srTbey say our poor minister
i. is yery in: pray what In the natter.
Sexton lgruffiy):-''Gout, madam.
, T,adv lin concerned voicc) c):-"Ts there
, no cnre?- Sexton:-'Yes, madam;
rive him my salary" Exit both char
J acters and change OF scene.
A man who was rather rough in his
manners. iocosely observed TO a young
; ladv that he was about 10 be married,
but aa his affections were divided be-
tween Miss Mary Brickdust and Miss
Retsev Primestufi, he was at . loss
vb,cb 10 choose. 'I advise you, BY all
.,ssns" xaid the lady, "to take Miss
!. Brickdust--you want polishing."
= A meek-eyed married man offered as
4 a test nj A spiritusl seauce that tho me-
!; d;um name the articles in his wife's mp.
o ner bnreau-drawer. The medium said
n the spirit would repeat the contents Of
Wehster's Dictionary, or any other
. hight task, but that life vas too shor
10 attempt the tax proposed, and tn
4 rash proposer was hustled out OF sh'
q hall.
y "Boy," said gentleman to the host
= ler of a hotel on alighting from M
i phaton, "extricate that quadrupe'
r from the vehicle stabuiate nim, s oonas
:. him an adequate supply OF nutrition
/, alimep. and when the aurora OF morn
e ;ng shall again illuminate the orients
~ NORTON 1 will award the .pecuniar
pc mne non,nensation for thine amiable hosp
" sslitv." The boy ran into the hous
,; and told his master Dotchman wan
= cd 70 see him.