The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-12-01
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Bob lngersoll thinks that perhaps Solomon
was wise enough for an age in which there wcr
no Ingersolls.
Slam Bang, late of China, has laundry II
Boston. We have heard this mans name repeat
eddy. Isn't he the fellow that fools around doc"
and windows on bostcrous nights?
SIS it proper to say, 4 see the sun rising, OF
:. see the sun rise% asks Balto.-ET
According to the Lacon Journal the proper
thing to say is, "a see the sun raise" but in any
case the proper thing is to 90 home before tn,
sun rises.
A Texas editor has produced beautiful similc
which should not be lost He says: SIN all the
great cities trade continues to contract, slowly
but steadily like mast-ied pork in the frying pan
4 potato four feet long has been raised in
Florence, kas. We should say that the great
question, "Tubcr or not tuber:' has been an
swered In the ailirmatiyc.-Er
But the other question, which is the greater
lie, the story or the potato, rqmaEg gp"ucdated,
Zines 10 a girl with Il wart on icr nose" is
rejected. We object to the unfccling pleasantly
in the first line-"Jhou wart 50 near and yet 80
far."-Poris Rcptblican.
Was it Oakley Hall that wrote them?
Mrs. Brooks il moulding companion piece u
her "Iolnnthc"-a mans head, called "Ihe Com
ing MAN. If the coming man is u buttcr-hcad
he had better not comc-thOugh it Is not likely
he would be bald,hcadcd.-.St Louis RGpuJtca".
There you are out. Darwin says the coming
man will be badhcadcd, whether butter, or
putty, or something else
"Ants have their slaves" writes naturalist,
nj. ~
extensively mortgaged to their "unclcs."
Distance has only relative value. When
man sits down on "A carpct-taek only quarter Ol
an inch long, il is hard for him to realize that
the point didn't come out ut the back Of his neck.
-HdrkB.
The expression with which bull dog chcws on
the exposed extremity of a small boy, caught in
the act Of escaping from an orchard IS Il model OF
tranquil observation-disclosures Bd.dr
In California new reporter IA GRADUATED wrote
Of citizen who 'succumbcd to the opportunities
of the Angel Of Death and passed away" He
was at once promoted to write obituary advertise
ments and society resolutions-payablc in ad-
vance, ten cents per line.
Sang young maiden while sweeping
Tonight, tonight my lover will come,
And drive from my soul all care;
Arrayed in the dress that pcascs him best
simple red rose in my hair"
Wonder what her spring costum amounts TO if
that is her dress for winter:
The old maxim, ''Bc chastc and you .bc hap.
DIV, is Contradiccd point black by Black Hills
man, who was chased ten miles recently by
party Of rcdskins-C ;aciIHdG Saturday NigM.
Answer to correspondents: Yes, Miss Murray
Hill, there is choice in language rs well rs in
meaning. If you were to inform your lover that
your father had failed, you would "brcak II TO
him gently" aud not "mash IT to him slow"
4 Florida paper imparts the following impor-
tant information to northern visitors
Sharks won't bite a swimmer who keeps his
legs in motion. II you can keep kicking longer
than a shark can keep waiting you'll be all right.
The best way to cure boys first love is for
the girl to tell his squarcly She don't love him, or
to marry him, or kin him, or introduce him TO
another girl
Joe Mcdills bank is bustcdH went all over
Chicago Il week ago-"IIow much does he losc?"
An intimate friend Of Joe's answered satisiacto-
ry: "Do you suppose Mcdill such devil
ish fool as to put money in Il bank of which he
was himself DIRECTOR
The controversy about Tom Paine's alleged
recanaon on his dcathbcd has opened up al
discussion about the color Of his nose, and the
Binghamton On. " R,puJlicaa quote the follow
ing coupet which used TO he sung by the street
boys, to shed light on the matter
Tom Paine Is coming from afar, from afar;
His nose is like blazing star.
But what became Of Tom Paine's bones? In.
IL. t.1I &C
I'm digging up your bones, Tom Paine,
Old Goblet has done we'll,
You visit him ON earth again,
He'll visit you in hell
We realize the necessity Of entering a solemn
protest and Affirmation that it is an Aurora and
not an Ottawa policeman of whom the N,,rs re-
latcs this incident;
One Of our policemen came down street ycstcr-
day and meeting man on Broadway said-"I
was up on Main street in saloon and things
looked rs II there was going 70 be- a fight, so
came away
There is something wrong in mans upper
story when attic wit fails to reach hm.--NcC D.
kdHs Picay,go. Yes; such a man ought to be
garrotcd-Bostoa AdySrtier No; let some prac-
tica joker get up a sell, and perhaps he'll apprc-
ciate the seller, as ii were Tio~iicr.
4 Baltimore drug clcrl; PIT up wine of opium
for yinum oporti called for by physicians pre-
scription, and child was nearly duscd to death
in consequence Why shouldn't the doctor have
written in plain English. "cN'tacl Of logwood'
-thicogO JOai1oH.
Sitting Bull !, not much on the dcyout, In
when he does pray, he seems To do it with re-
markablc directness OF purpose. Thus, before
his last Interview with the government commits
sioners he prayed the Great Spirit TO MAKE me
TO speak the truth, aud make the white man
10 speal. with straight tongue. May he who
lies to-day die first" There is said to have been
visible shaking Of knees among the Indian
agents and government contractors when they
heard The invocation
in the Way Of truly modern poetry, the New
York Su, Is as prolific and unob,ru-iyc a. &. W.
Chllds was IN his hinitable obituary elc giacs
until the World foasd hini out. As an csiray
rhyme that sonic day vill enrich a new edition
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