Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1877-10-31
The Tramp-His Side of the Story

The papers almost daily contain
accounts of the bad doings Of
tramps, but there's another side tc
the case, and an old tramp yester-
day visited this office for the pur.
pose of stating it.
"I'm an average tramp" he be-
gan, as he dropped into a chair as
awkward as camel. "I'm as hon.
ely, impudent, ragged, hungry and
revengeful as any of them, but
I've never been arrested never
fired haystack or a barn ; never
threatened a woman or struck a
man, and yet I've got some Stats
ties to show that I'm looked upon
as q human monster"
He shook off one of his old
shoes, pulled up his pant-leg, and
continued:
"Tbat's scar number one. | was
entering farmhouse gate just as a
born gentleman would have done,
and l simply intended to ask for a
drink, when the farmer set his dog
on me, and | was bitten in this
shameful manner. Just above this
is scar number two, received when
a farmer pushed me off his steps
for asking the time O day. Sup
pose l am poor and ragged |! Don't
/ want to know how times flies as
well as you or anyone else When
I've made a breakfast off a raw
turnip or part of cabbage, it's of
some importance to know when
noon comes, even if there is no
show for dinner. On the knee
here is where a teamster stabbed
me with hayfork for hating him
and enqniring the road to wealth.
He thought | was joking, perhaps,
but l wasn't. If any man in this
world wants to find that road, I'm
the hyena, and don't you forget it !"
He kicked off the other shoe,
held mp the worst looking foot in
America, and went on:
"See that big toe split in two ?
Man struck at me with an axe be-
cause l asked his wife if she
couldn't lend me square meal for
n few days / didn't demand it nor
beg it, nor try to steal it, mind you,
hut merely wanted to borrow it.
That family wasn't on the lend.
They gave me this split toe out
and out. You see how out of shape
this heel is, ell Looks as much
like the northwest end of three
year-old coal.scuttle as anything
else, and yet I've seen the day
when this heel was as nicely round
ed out as Apollo's. / went out of
my way over half mile to ask a
farmer il shouldn't hoe corn for
an hour to pay for my dinner, but
he wasn't an appreciative man.
He ordered me to dig, instead of to
hoe, and I don't think l got away
fast enough to please him. He had
an idea that he could better my
time ten seconds by throwing
spade at me, and it was a bad
thing for this heel. Then gaze on
this calf-not on me as calf, but
at the calf of this leg. See those
warts Well, they amt warts at
all, but each one represents the ex-
act spot where a bird-shot went in
to look for bones. / couldn't pick
'em out, and / have thus become a
walking shot-tower. / was climb
ing fence to remove two turnips
from field in which tens of thons-
ands were growing, when a far
mer's son, waiting for just such
clothes-pin to come along, shot me
from a fence-corner, and laughed
as I limped away to lunch on this
tie blows"
He struggled out of his old coat,
pulled up a ragged shirt sleeve, and
blandly remarked:
"Some beautiful scars here, mis-
ter. One night when it was rain
ing cats and dogs l crept into
cowshed to spite the weather and
have a quiet hour to call mp my
days. II was a bad
night for cowsheds, and a good
night for bloodshed. hadn't be-
gun to introduce myself to the first
Did COW when a couple Of chaps,