The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1877-07-26
PASSING SMILES.

THE married ladies of Western city
have formed Come-Home-Husba
Club. 1t is about four feet long, and
has brush on the end of it.
IT is in vain to hope to please all
alike. Let man stand in what direc-
ton he will, he must necessarily turn
his back on one-half the world.
"HERE lies old Thirty-fve per cent,
the more he had the more he lent; the
more he got the more he craved; the
more he made the more he shaved.
THE following is true copy of
letter received by a village school-mas-
ter: "Sur, as you are man of nolege,
l intend to inter my son in your SKULL"
"THE song of the jail-bird," casually
remarks the Herald P. L. man, )" is in
many bars" $50 is the song of the
inebriate," adds the Rochester Democrat.
THE Graphic: 1t is understood that
the ladies who say either" and
"ni-ther" are going to hold conven-
ton and bring their eyeglasses and
poodles.
She was fair young damsel as ever you did see,
And in the circle Of her friends they miss her
pany; ~
They miss the merry laughter of that loved gone
They called her handsome Maryette the lily of the
West.
She before the looking glass; poor girl, her hair
to comb;
She was taken blind, she nearly fell, she only gave
Her friends they caught her in their arms and laid
her down to rest
She was handsome Maryette, the lily of the West.
-WId Michigan Poem.
To DOUBT is an injury; to suspect a
friend is breach of friendship; jealousy
is seed sown but in vicious minds;
prone to distrust, because apt to deceive.
Lord Lansdoacne.
AN eccentric preacher who married a
couple the other day in the city, finished
the ceremony by saying: /" l now pro-
nounce you man and wife, and may the
Lord have mercy on your souls"
M. TALLEYRAND once saying that the
English had thirty-nine religions and
only one sauce, evoked the retort from a
witty Englishman, "And the French
have thirty-nine sauces and no religion"
Two Irishmen were travelling, when
they stopped to examine guide board.
Twelve miles to Portland" said one.
I" Just six miles apiece" said the other.
And they trudged on apparently salts
fed at the small distance.
WORCESTER Press: When small boy
with a prejudice against yellow dogs,
observes an old oyster-can in condition
of inactivity, he at once begins debating
whether it was created to point moral
or adorn tail. The dog gets the first
news of the decision.
ROME Sentinel: Animals may think,
but sometimes they do not think very
fast A COW got into a James Street
garden Friday, and it took her half an
hour to make up her mind where to go
out. A man and dog were flooding her
mind with information all the time, too.
BURLINGTON Hapk-Eye: When Wis
itor enters the sanctum it is better than
a whole sermon on human nature to see
the editor, with beautiful air of un-
consciousness, slip all the lead pencils
into drawer and put the penknife into
his pocket.
A ST. LOUIS paper tells story of a
disconsolate widower who, on seeing the
remains of his late wife lowered in the
grave, exclaimed, with tears in his eyes:
"Well, Pve lost gloves, I've lost umbrel-
las-yes, even cows and horses; but L
never-no, never, had anything to cutme
like this"
Boston Trareller: A Western poet re-
joices or doesn't rejoice in the name of
R. H. Dement, Many poets-but hold,
we will not ruthlessly blast his young
life and nip his aspirations in the bud
with the heartless Jest which intuitively
suggests itself. We are human-we wrote
poetry ourselves-we relent. Go thy
way unscatched, gentle bardling of the
prairiel The world is wide enough for
we and thee-we mean for us and thou.
How is it, anyway?