Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1877-11-15
Anmuruns department.
THE DAYS OF STAGE COACHES.

fashioned, capacious mouthed carpet bags
with vast bowelled depth, that our grandfath-
ers used in their journeys, and that was usu-
ally laden with two shirts and months
luncheon. This particular carpet bag was
notable only for the apparent extreme paucl.
ty of its contents. and when our verdant trav.
eler skunk bashfully to the unoccupied end of
the long dining table, and seated himselfin one
of the chairs, he deposited his dusty bag on
vacant chair at his side. So industriously
did he attack the viands before him, that
Bonifce tapped him on the shoulder several
times before he hurriedly produced dollar,
the usual price of meal
"Your bill is two dollars" said Boni6ce.
"Hayw
1.-TWO dollars, if you please"
"Gosh all mighty, landlord" he exclaimed,
"you don't mean to say you tax fellow two
dollars for meal like this?"
"Our charge is dollar for every chair oc-
cupied at the table. Your bag monopolizes
seat and the charge for it is the same as
for person"
"But Jedge, gee here, how, the bag hahn
eaten mouthful."
"Can't help that there are the viands be-
fore it, and ifit don't partake of them, it isn't
my fault. Come, sir, pay over; l haven't
time to argue the matter"
"Wall, squire maybe it's all right, but it
seems mighty rough on a fellow. Here's
your two dollars"
And the owner of the bag sat down and
hastily finished his meal, amid the audible
smiles of his fellow. passengers; and the very
perceptible grin of exultation on the land
lords face. His meal done he turned to his
bag, opened it, shook out the creases and
folds, and with provoking sang troid, thus ad-
dressed it, loud enough for all the in room to
hear:
II beg your pardon, Mr.. Bag, for making
you wait for the second table. Hungry, en- !
should rather think so, with nothing inside
of you but shirt and paper collar, and
there isn't much substance in them. Like
roast beef, eh. Here's nice piece weighing
dozen pound, I guess. Whew! you took
that in at one gulp and it don't seem to dis.
tress you either. Try this breast of lamb? l
can recommend it. Sorry the mint sauce is
all out. Biscuit? Yes, here's hull plate
full. Biscuits are rather tryin' on ones d.
gestive machinery, they say !; suppose you try
a couple of platefnls of bread on top of them.
Have spring chicken? Two? Well, you
are cheeky but here they are. You don't
wait to pick 'em, I see. Some more biscuitS
There you have EN-"
Suiting his actions to these words, the
owner of the bag stuffed into its capacious in
terror every edible that lay within bis reach,
regardless of the CONSERVATION depicted in
the face of the landlord, who rushed up to stop
him.
"This is robbery, sir; downright robbery"
he thundered. II will not submit to it.
"See here, now, squire, just keep cool and
we'll argue this" calmly replied the verdant
one, not letting up, however in his occupation
of 6lling the bag. "Didn't this bag pay for
square meal? What is square meal if it
isn't to eat till one is satisfied? Isn't that 80,
gentsT'
His fellow passengers, who were roaring
with laughter, readily assented.
"Now, that being the verdict of this jury,
let me tell you Mr.. Landlord, that this bag
amt going to be satisfied until it is chock
full. I'm its friend, and any one that iterfer.
es with its meal will get eternally damned,
that's all"
He meant every word of it, and the land.
lord wisely withdrew, looking a splendid ex.
ample OF the bitter Dltten.
AN OBED1ENT SoN.-John Smith and
John Smith, Jr., we're clerks together in the
popular dry.goods store of White & Brown,
in one of the New England Cities which may
have been Portsmouth, until John the young
er took a fancy to emigrate to New York.
On reaching there, as in duty bound, he wrote
home letter. which he directed to "John
Smith, care of White & Brown, dealers in
pins and tape," which did not specially please
Mr.. Brown when it met his eye, as the busi-
ness of the firm embraced wider scope than
"pns and tape" fact which he suggested to
the elder Smith, who in replying to the letter
o1John Jr, told him to direct his letters
thereafter to plain John Smith, and nothing
else Great was his surprise, when another
letter from New York arrived, to find upon
its exterior, "Plain John Smith, and nothing
else." To his remonstrance, when writing
again, against so quaint direction, the
younger replied that his father had always
commended him as being the most obedient
of his children, and contended that in the
case in question he had simply done what he
expressed wish for him to do. In writing
again, the elder of the pair suggested to the
other to direct to John Smith, care of White
& Brown, with no reference to tape and nee
dies, or any thing else. Pater tamilias gave it
IN when another missive arrived from his too
obedient offspring, directed "John Smith, care
of White & Brown, with no reference to tape
and pins, or any thing else. ."-Portsn'outh (N.
H) Chronicle.
FoRGoT THE NAME.-A certain French
gentleman, having been but very little
while in England, was invited to friends
house, when a large bowl of punch was
made "a liquor be had never seen before,
and which did not at all agree with him.
Having forgotten the name of it, he asked
person the next day, "What dey call datliquor
in England which is all de contradiction
where is the brandy to make it strong and
de water to make it weak, de sugar to make
it sweet and de lemons to make it sour?
"Punch," answered the other, II suppose you
mean." GAY, ponch| cried monsieur; "lt
almost ponch my brain out last night"
s@ A boy tried his first pipe the other day.
When his father came home to dinner he
found him braced against barrel, with his
legs spread apart, his hands and lower jaw
dropping listlessly, and deathly pallor over
spreading his face. "What is the matter with
you ?" inquired the amazed parent. "My-
teacher is-sick," gasped the boy: "Weli,
you mustn't feel so badly about it, Tommy"
said the father, kindly. "She will get we'll
again, without doubt" And then, step