St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-09-21
Squibs.

Mrs. Juggins lost one of her dodgers
lately. He went off suddenly, ON urgent
private affairs, and forgot to settle his
little account. "Ah," says the old lady,
"when e come 'ere, e called 'isself
capting; but I've discovered to my cost
that 'e's only left tenant"
A whoop-bang sort of boy, with
feet as broad and fiat as pie-tin, trot-
ted through the Central market yester-
day till he reached stall kept by
single woman about thirty years old.
Hating there, he yelled out : 'Say!
say your little boy has been run over
and killed, up by the city hall ~ "Oh
oh Heavens-oh oh !-n she screamed
as she made dive under the counter,
came up on the outside, and started to
follow the boy. After going ten feet
she halted, looked very foolish all of
sudden, and remarked 'What a goose
| am Why, amt even married r'-
Detroit Free Press.
Somebody says always face the person
you are talking to. tits evident that
this writer never stood in front of the
man who comes into the office as soon
as he gets sober, to have his name kept
out of the police court. Only a man
with his nose on the back of his head
could do it.
SPIT.-As the train stopped for ten
minutes, and that individual who goes
along tapping the wheels with his ham
mer was passing rapidly by the smok-
ing car, one of the windows was hoisted
and torrent of tobacco spit was elected
which almost deluged him. The ma
chinest paused for moment, and wip-
ing some of the streams from his person,
said to the offender:
'Mister, what part of the country did
you come from ?"
"Me 7" said the splitter, puckering his
lips for another eXpectOratiOn, 81 come
| from Kansas"
~ thought So" said the machinest,
''for if you had lived in Massachusetts
or Connecticut, they would have had
water-wheel in your mouth long ago."
What with drawbacks on sugars, and
pullbacks ON 'lasses, the sweet things of
this earth would seem to have difficult
time in coming fOrward.-NOrristOUn
Herald.
Science is discussing the question,
"What will become of the last man ?"
We know. He'll get left.-Burlingto
Hawkeye.
"What decoration is that you are
wearing ?n said an Austrian Sergeant to
a new recruit. The man blushed deep
ly, and responded: at is medal our
COW won at the cattle show
If you see man skipping across the
country rapidly and trying to avoid
notice, arrest him. Ten to one it is
some savings bank president.
We spoke of Saturdays hailstones as
being as large as beans. At Toledo
they were mentioned as the size of
peach stones, and Cleveland put them
down as hens eggs. This country is
no place for modest, truthful men,
Detroit Free Press.
There is IA hopeful business outlook
all over the country. A turning mill in
this city has just received an order for
three dozen wooden legs. PHILADELPHIA
Chronicle.
Why is pig looking out of a second
story window like the moon Because
he looks round. If anybody triumph
antly retorts that the moon does not
always look round, you can reply that
the pig doesn't either.-LOlveU Courier.
'I don't want any trashy books bout
traveles," said tax-paying COmstocker
to ''rashly impOrtunate" book agent,
''but if you've got any of them CYCLIC
pedros, don't know but what might
take volum'."- Virginia Enterprise.
A little Athol boy, guilty of some
misconduct, upon being asked why he
could be so naughty, replied that he
thought he was not doing anything
wrong. "Thats no excuse said his
mother, thinking doesn't help the mat
ter" "Well, mamma" said he, "what's
the use of having thinker, if you can't
think ?"
; 81 just tell you," observed an old
democrat, the other morning, looking
up from his paper-'I just tell you the
everywhere Here is telegram from
Madrid which says: 'OveI thirty per-
r sons have been arrested in connection
with the recent republican conspiracy !"
But what can you expect with fraud
ulent President in the cheer" He
seemed to be in earnest about it.-Nor-
l ristOWn Herald.
Northampton Gazette can insurance
adjuster went to see man whose house
had been destroyed by fire." How did
this thing happen ?" House-owner-
Don't knOw-it's mystery Adiuster
,, We'll, know House-owner-Let
have it !; that's just what I'd like to find
OUT Adjuster-'It's friction House
, owner Friction? friction What's
that ?" Adjuster-'Why, friction is the
result of rubbing a thousand dollar
policy on a six hundred dollar house !'n
A noted miser, who felt obliged to
make a present to lady, entered a
crOckery store for the purpose of max
ing a purchase. Seeing statuette
broken into dozen pieces, he asked
the price. The salesman said it was
worthless, but he could have it for the
cost of packing in box. He sent it to
the lady with his card, eOngratulating
: himself that she would imagine that it
, became ruined while on its way home.
He dropped in to see the effect. The
tradesman had carefully wrapped each
piece in a separate bit of paper.
+ ''Let me off at Adaline street, said
, an old lady from Darlington the other
, morning to the conductor of an open
car on the Madison street line. "No
such street on this route, ma'am, said
the polite conductor. "What no sich
! street? I know there is, but you
! vulgar city folks nickname it Ada
, street. Now, you see," said she, 'T go
2 agin nicknames. All of my girls at
hum are called by their full names.
, hain't got no Adas for Adalines, nor no
Carries for .Carolines. | come down on