St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-04-06
Squibs.

An exchange says the entire assets of
a recent bankrupt were nine children.
The creditors acted maguanimOusly and
let him keep them.
A learned sergeant was once accused
of having disgraced the bar by taking
silver from a client, the etiquette of the
profession requiring that his fee should
be in gold. 81 took silver" he replied,
''because 1 could not get gold but L
took every farthing the fellow had in
the world, and hope you do not call
that disgracing the profession"
A French humorist writes: A doctor
at sick mans bedside says to the wife
of the invalid, at is my painful duty
to inform you that your husband has
but short time to live" "WhatW
excaims the surprised wife. ''DO you
not see," says the doctor, 'that already
his hands are purple 2" 81 know it,"
says the wife, "but he's dyer" "Why,
that's so," coolly continues the doctor.
81 must confess that you are very fol-
tunate, for if he had not been a dyer he
would be dead man."
The favOrite hymn of the grasshOp-
pers: ''This wheat by and by"
An Albany paper says that unless
Beebe of Sullivan can be induced TO
wear mOccasins or have the nails pulled
out of his boots, the desks in the House
of Representative will have to be COW
! cred with dOOr-mats before the extra
session convenes.
A Michigan farmer plastered 200 ap-
pie trees with mixture of tar, kerO-
sene, sand, alum, arsenic and rhubarb
to keep the worms and rabbits away,
and now he has no orchard, and the
farmer feels worse than the worms do.
1t is rumOred that Il number of law
yers are about to organize themselves
into a company called ''the national
wilI-cOntesting company They will
contest any will, prove anything, and
take all the property for their pay.
A rural gentleman who was shown to
his room in the Westminster Hotel in
New York on Tuesday last, said to the
porter: 81 suppose it's too late to have
any washing done ?" ''Oh, no you
can have it done to-day" sis that so ?"
observed the surprised but gratitied
patty from the country. II didn't know
but what you did your washing on
Monday. Most people do"
An intoxicated English tar rolled up
against Sir Rodney Munday, and ejacu-
lated, with considerable difficulty, Get
out o my way !" "How dare you ad-
dress me like that, sir ?" demanded the
Admiral. ''Don't you know who l am ?
| am Admiral Mundy." Don't care if
you are Admiral Tuesday day week !"
persisted the sailor. "'Get out o. my
way"
A -year-old Detroit boy was seized
with the ambition to become a chimney
sweep, the other day, and easily man
aged to slide down a chimney termi-
mating in a ''blind" fireplace. But when
he essayed to climb up in the tradition
al manner by the pressure of his knees
and back against the sides of the Chin
ney, the trick failed to work. After
bowling for help for half an hour, his
cries were traced to the chimney and
he was hauled up by rope more dead
than alive.
The Ogdensburg Journal wrongfully
accuses the Messenger of having invent
ed the word ''NewsOgraphs," and then
relates its own experience in coming
new word. 1t says 1--WE called
hOOting-tOOting crowd enthusiasses, one
time and they felt so good about it that
they came for us with sticks, stones,
bones, old rubber shoes and everything
, else that was handy. This convinced
us that it was good word, but we did
not insist upon having it placed in the
dictionary"
, Bobby Blinkers was Nevada boy,
aud didn't want to go to school, the
, other day. He did not put in his ap-
pearance at breakfast, and about 9
O'Clock his mother went to see what was
the matter. Bob was writhing about
2 the bed from an imprOvised stomach
= ache. "All right" said the old lady, "I'll
apply mustard plaster, and in IA few
minutes "A hot mustard plaster containing
two square feet of motive power was
spread upon the boys abdomen. "Moth-
er, how long must this thing stay on 2"
81 guess I'll be able to take it off about
this afternoon, and then if | can get
, an emetic to work it'll be all right. Lie
! still, my boy, Pll bring you through"
Then Bob rose up Immediately and
started for school, and the plaster was
the cause of his being an hour late.
y WHAT He THOUGHT OF Ex-senator
! Blaine, in IL conversation the other day,
was asked how he liked the new Cabi-
p net, and Immediately told the following
story: "Once upon a time party of
I gentlemen in Maine started out on
hunting expedition. On the way they
elected one of their number to the re-
sponsible position of cook, with the I'M
( derstanding that the first one who
growled or objected to the cooking
D should take the cooks place, and that
t this rule should continue throughout the
trip. On the first morning out, while
a at breakfast, one of the party took up a
! biscuit, put it to his mouth, bit out a
piece, and Immediately exclaimed ::
D 'Whew, how salty but like it,"
| "Your face seems familiar to me, sir"
said one man to another on the Michi-
D gan Central train the other day; "can
D have met you before Was it at the
: Centennial ? Or didn't see you at st.
t Louis last fall ?" at may have been
either, SIR" courteOusly responded the
b.. unknown, 'for | was Turkish pasha
in the cake and coffee business at Phil
a adelphia, and subsequently filed II brief
t engagement at st. Louis as il cannibal.
a [ am now on my way to California to
} become "A gorilla if native talent meets
D with any encouragement, but if business
: is bad | shall either let my hair grow
a and enter the lecture field or get a
E chucka-luck board and follow the conn
! try fairs 'Life," said the other man,
musingly, sis tull of vicissitudes."-
, Chicago Tribune.