Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1877-03-14
HumOrsOme Waits.

81 NEVER did like mutton with capers,"
Brown said, as he brushed his clothes after
an attack from ram.
A YANKEE editor has recently got up
remedy for hard times. 1t consists of ten
hours labor, well worked in.
AN exchange has Just discovered that the
phrase Excuse haste and a bad pen," was
the parting salute of a runaway pig
A PHILOSOPHER who went to church
where the people came in late, said it was
1.-THE fashion there for nobody to go till
everybody got there
CARE you lost, my little fellow 2" asked
a gentleman of four-year-old one day in
Rochester. "No," he sobbed in reply
:" "b-but m-my mother is"
A WESTERN editor received letter from
a subscriber asking him to publish a cure
for apple-tree worms. He replied that he
could not suggest cure until he knew
what allied the worms.
THE papers relate an anecdote of beau
tiful young lady who had become blind,
having recovered sight after marriage.
Whereupon Snooks wickedly observes that
it is no uncommon thing for peoples eyes to
be opened by matrimony.
An Irish tailor, on making gentleman's
coat and vest too small, was ordered to take
them home and let them out. Some days
after, the gentleman was told that the gar
ments happened to fit a countryman Of the
taior's, and he let them out at a shilling
week.
MISTRESS Come, Bridget how much
longer are you going to be about filling that
pepperbox 2" Bridget Ga fresh importation
from where they don't nse peppercasters);
Shure, ma'am, and it's meself can't say
how long it'll be takin' me to get all this
stuff in the thing through the little holes in
the top"
A rHREE-YEAR-oLD little girl at Roch-
ester, n. Y, was taught to close her evening
prayer, during the temporary absence of her
father, with "and please watch over my
papa" 1t sounded very sweet, but the
mothers amusement may be imagined when
she added And you'd better keep an eye
on mamma, too
The story is told of a clergyman, that
after preaching an interesting sermon on
D." Recognition of Friends in Heaven" he
was accosted by a hearer, who said 81 like
your sermon, and | now wish you would
preach another, on the recognition Of people
in this world. | have been attending your
church three years and not five persons in
the congregation have so much as bowed to
me in all that time"
"WHERE is your house ?" asked a traveller
in the depths of one of the " old solemn will
dernesses of the great West House |
amt got no home" "Well, where do you
live :" al live in the woods, sleep on the
great government purchase, eat raw bear
aud wild turkey, and drink out of the Mis-
sissippi." And he added, " 1t is getting too
thick with folks. You're the second man
I've seen the last month and hear there
is whole family come in about fifty miles
down the river and am going to put out
into the woods again."
A LADY in the congregation of the Brick
church, New York, being attacked with a
fit of coughing, the preacher, Rev. DIR. Be-
van suggested that she would "see the pro-
priety of leaving the house." This has
been considered by many as a trait of i'll
breeding, and they have indignantly said so.
On the other hand it is related that the late
Jedediah Bushnell, pastor of the Congrega-
| tional church at Cornwall, VT, one of the
wisest and best of men, on an occasion of
some disturbance made by the crying of an
infant, paused in his sermon to say Moth
ers, don't stay away from the house of God
because you have no one to leave the babies
with. Bring them with you, and il they cry
now and then it will not distress or discom-
pose me half as much as TO see your places
vacant"