South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1877-12-07


ney TO soar with. We deposit our spare
change with delinquent subscribers and
none ofthem will ever 90 up.
9A tall tramp looked in at q brok.
ers office the other day. His imposing
height startled the broker. BLESS me-"
said he my man. how high do you stand
in your stockings?" stockings - was
the reply. Il amt got none
re- The London Pictorial Void, has
the following anec,lote about the late
Archdsacon Stopford, who was greatly
admired for his dry humor and caustic
wit You must know there is n regular
train of beggars always.going from Gal.
way to Cork. Well, whenever any aged
vagrant tried to excite the Archdeacon's
sympathies by speaking of his numerous
prosenp. the worthy clergyman always
requested him to give him list of his
poor children, so that he might be able
to relieve their necessities ifthey follow.
cd in the track of their parents. The
beggars would Of course begin-"Shure.
there's Biddy, the oldest, twenty-five:
thin there's Murdoch, twenty three thin
comes Pat, twenty thin Kitty, eighteen,
&c." and so on for about dozen olive
branches. However, when the beggars
came to the end Of their list, the Arch
deacon would mildly desire them to re.
peat the names back again. from the
youngest TO the eldest. and this nearly
always resulted in fine upset. as in
nincty-nine cases out of hundred the
ingenious sons of Erin had invented a
family for the benefit eff the occasion.
Ep lime never sits heavily on us but
when it is badly employed.
to A Little Boy, coming home from
church, where he had seen person
performing on an organ. said TO his
mother "Oh, nanny, 1 wished you had
been to church to. day, to see the fun
man was pumping music out of an old
Cupboard !"
vs. police Inspector being inform.
cd that a restaurateur in his bailiwick
was serving game out of season. visits
the restaurant in mutt and orders din
ner. Waiter" says he. "can you give
me salmi of PARTRIDGE"
"Settingly, Sir" replies the waiter
promptly. and yells TO the cook, .'nar-
fridge for one
The inspector finishes his dinner
leisnrely and then says to the waiter,
ASK the boss to step this way min
ute
What for?''
81 wish to notify him to appear in
court to morrow and answer for selling
partridge out ofseason."
so, | guess it aint worth while bother.
ing him about that.
"Do as | tell you. am the Police
Inspector, and have secured the neces-
sary evidence against him."
20, spotted you and guessed what
you was after. 1t wasn't partridge you
had"
Police Inspector (uneasily) What was
it. then?
Waiter DISQUALIFICATION.
EST In Bath Abbey is to be seen the
following epitaph: Here lies Anr
Mann she lived an old mail and died
an old Mann
Ec The theology of childhood i.
somestimes very suggestive. A little
five year OLD could not quite understand
why the stars did not shine ono Mich,
when the rain was pouring down in tor
rents. She stood at the window pom.
dcrlng on the subject with rs much gray
lily as Calico when he looked mt the
swinging lamp in tho Cathedral OF Pisa,
and with equal success, for all at once
her ountonancc lighted up,and she said
Mother, / know why the stars don
shine. God has pulled them all up S,
as 10 let the water come through tho
holes"
sa5-llc had been telling her about hi
troubles, and how everything seemed
against him--rheumatism, the wickc,
world, &c.--when she, like tho Chcag-
girl she was, broke out you mus. 81
very fond ofdieting upon frogs. Mr.
Paike." "Frogs;" inquired he, "wb,
frogs;' oh, because" replied the heart
less Miss, you arc such n croakerr' II
cured him.
80 Living in Washington is said 9,