The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1877-07-13
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

Good suits for baldheadeh nen-Mo
hair.-N. 7. Commercial.
Motto for haunted house" I'll make
ghost of him that let's me''
Bn exchange speaks of the "genesis o
Mark Twain" Thought he was booked o.
levity-euss. s.-Bostoa Post.
1t is well to closely examine the fsstiva
short-cake to see if it has strawberry mari
on its left arm.-Danbury Nesss.
Why is the Bank of France like the Mo
hammedan religion? Because it's some
thing to which you and I don't owe assent
Illustrated Weekly.
"Raw oysters are poor at this season, >
says an exchange. Three cheers for the
man who made that discovery. "Hip, Hip
poor raw 7. Com. Advertiser.
Plato or Epictetus never said a shrewdel
thing than FAC. Chandler, when he advised
young politician "Neyer hunt for ducks
with brass band. IN. Y. Graphic.
When you see bee backing up towards
yeu, spreading his coat-tail as he comes,
and there is no other avenue of escape, cut
your throat from ear to ear.-0I City
Derrick.
The Commercial Adrertiser says "Speak.
er Randall is billiardist. He must have
got his cue from Cushion's manual" Oh
"carom me" out.-Bosten Post. Masse on
as !-Haruord Times. ii
We were in some doubt as to the proper
method to address the Czar several years
ago, and, hesitatlng a title, his Majesty
said with genial smile, "Never mind, old
fellow call me Aleck. ."-Rochestsr Demo-
erGt.
It is when the mercury in the thermome-
ter is gallivanting among the nineties that
it is a common sight to see men coming
from behind sample room screens wiping
the perspiration from their mouths hs.-Ne-
ozark Call.
Three weeks ago in Oil City strawberries
locked themselves in glass case and turn
ed up their noses if anybody except in
whose veins ran royal blood, Or had an oil
well, looked in upon them. To-day they
sit out on on the open sidewalk, hlrt with
the lowest plebian, and take turns yelling,
"Only five cents quart v'-O1 Csty Der
rick.
We observe IN the paper an item to the
effect that mother in Maryland bit off her
child's toe in her sleep. We have so often
demonstrated with mothers against the
practice of sleeping with their children's
toes in their mouths, that we have little
sympathy for this woman. Sooner or later
the catastrophe is sure to come.-PhiladeI-
psta Bulletin.
June is upon us-beautiful, leafy June
when the roses nod by the wayside, when
the honeysuckle chambers up the airy trel-
lis, when the air is sweet with the breath
of woodbine, and the ever popular man.
drake pill lifts it's russell head and sings the
old familiar strain
One, two, three,
Down goes me-"
-Andreos' Bazaar.
tallts MspX Uat people &c PIE, sti!l believe in omens
salt-celler few mornings since, with blanch-
ed face she exclaimed Something dread
full is going to happen afore night l know
there isr' And sure enough something
dreadful did happen. A city friend with
three Children and three trunks arrived in
The afternoon to spend the summer with
her.-Nor. Herald.
A lady of this city several years ago heard
q famous singer in the familiar song OF
g Rory o. More the first two lines of which
are:
1t was Rory O'More courted Kathleen y Bawn,
He was bold as hawk, and she soft as the dawn.
Much impressed, she went home and sang
it from memory, never having seen the mu-
sic, and it is said to be an actual fact that
for seven years she sang the second line,
"He polticed heart and she swallowed it
down." before she discovered her mistake.
Republican.
Max Aedler says: We are surprised to
read in an exchange that "the corn of Mr..
Redman, of Lycoming County,is seven feet
high" We pity Redman. We cannot
imagine how he gets his boot on, over such
a corn rs that. nor can we conceive how he
contrives to walk even when barefooted. It
is hardly likely, we should think, that Red
man himself is more than six feet high, and
if that is the case that solitary corn of his
must tower above his head. 1t might be a
good thing to tie an umbrella to, or he
might carry f1ower-pot on his foot and
have honeysuckle climbing up the corn
and blnssoming under his nose.