The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1877-09-22
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The Eureka On. H. Sentinel calls attention to
an appointment in that quarter that involves
whole bootleg full Of treason against the Hayes
Schurz civil service rules. Peter H. Hanson has
been appointed postmaster at Alpha, and is not
only n democrat, but member of the demo-
cratic central committee of his county! His
commission has been duly forwarded, signed by
Rutherford B, Hayes, The salary of the office is
$40 year.
Hard times have brought some OF the San
Francisco editors down to plain water as a beyer-
age. though they don't seem exactly TO under
stand IT, The Mail says: 1--WE would publish
diagram of drop of Spring Valley water were
il not for the fact that some people might take it
for a map Of the battlefield at Shipka Pass"
Dixon is ahead in having the meanest thieves.
They steal the Grape placed on doors to indicate
death in the house.
Far be it from us TO doubt the word Of a
brother editor" says the La Crosse Sun. "Wc be-
lieve them all to be truthful men; but, when the
Durand Times says that the water is so low at the
mouth Of the Chippewa river that catfish have to
employ mud turtles to tow them over the bar, we
feel as though the editor must be away, and some
local minister filing his place.
The Burlington Ha,ckeye rejects well-written
article deriving ministers vacations, for the alb
surd reason that the writer never goes to church.
Since it could make no possible difference to
such man whether the minister had his vaca-
ton or not of course he could write absolutely
without bias!
A reporter for a Wisconsin newspaper writes
"Those who know our esteemed fellow citizen
Col -, will regret to hear that he was brutally
assaulted last evening, but not killed"
They have swimming matches in San Francis
co. ANY match will swim well enough, but none
is good for much for Illuminating purposes aiteI
il has swan mile or two-Hd,ckeW.
One hundred and one years ago Israel Putnam
spelled barracks "baroks' and IIessians 'has
ons"-showing that he was the pioneer in the
movement to spell words by sound. Israel, by
the way, never won Webster's dictionary at Il
spelling bee"
The present year has been an exceptionally
healthy one for George Washington's servants
not one having died since January. An exchange
suggests that il may be owing to the enormous
expense attending funerals; they can't afford tc
die
It is the glory of the local reporter of the Au
rora Ne,cs that nothing escapes his notice. The
other day he rot wind of mass meeting of tho
flies in down town saloon, and he says "thcy
adopted the following resolutions .':'."
The trees in the Battery Park in New Yorl
sometimes bear curious fruit. The Sun gives al
instance:
As George Conway sat on a bench in the Bat.
terry Park, under the shadow of the trees yester
day, he saw a pair of boots dangling in the nil
above him. He told police officer, who climb
ed into the tree, and cut down an unknown Ger
man who had hanged himself.
The Rochester Democrat has discovered that !
Is waste of time TO swear at the flies; they don
understand the language.
coroner's jury in Lewiston y. Y, found tina
the deceased was killed by blows on the skull
with a stone or other hard implement, 'and thel
pushed or thrown into the river and drowned"
The Newport (Ky.) Locdl has seen man will
a buster on and remarks: "Well, well; We nov
want to die. Our sex is disgraccd. Saw a maj
walking along and grabbing his dustcr up be
hind"
An Olu nat, 80 BANGED ana luSlcu rs 10 nave en-
tirely lost its individuality, was found near
stream in New Hampshire and led 10 the stor
that Secretary Eyarts had been foully made ava
wih,-itHhufy Nars.
On tombstone Ia an old South Carolina gray
ward is the following inscription:
Here lies the body Of Robert Gordin,
Mouth trcmenjus and teeth accOrdin;
Stranger, tread lightly over this wonder,
II he opens his mouth then you'll 90 under"
The following announcement appeared recent
Is in an English paper: "st James Church
On Sunday next the afternoon service will con
menee at half past three, and continue until fu
thcr notice
Red ribboni-In in Rockford seems TO be a SUI
cess. The Register says "There are now abo'
five hundred who are paying water rates in Ia
city"
Though Gail Hamilton Is admitted TO write iii
forty, she says she is only thirty-nine.
OF bright things By the little ones 50 often =
ported In the papers the following are among u
latest as i.ell as neatest:
II was a little four-year old who picked up
feather in the yard, and said that "a dove dropp,
il out OF his pocket"
Johnnie lost his knife After searching in OF
pocket ana another hhii ne hau been throua
al without success, he exclaimed, 30 deari
wish had another pOcket-it might be In that
4 little boy went 10 his father crying the OF
or dav. and told him that he had Kicked a b,
that had a splinter In it, tail.
While Gen. sturges appears 10 have had }
difficulty in catching Joseph ard his band
Montana the other DAY, Gen. Howard was st
.twenty miles behind" However Howard "A
he never flags. and viii Sight il on, on that line
he kills an Indian.