The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1877-10-11
HUMORS OfTHE HOUR.

WHO can tell the value of smile?-
Er. The bar tender.-BOStOn Globe
CARDINAL BLAINE: "Conkhrg, L
charge thee fling away ambition"
Why not abolish the army and hire
Sitting Bull and General George b.
BRAIN workers should eat celery. 1t
will enable them TO think with greater
celebrity. Has0keye.
IT is not always necessary to get upon
q step-ladder to break the ceiling OF III
envelope.-NetO York Republic.
CUpID has shared Spotted Tail. He
proposed to beautiful young Washing
ton lady to go out to Sioux land and be-
come his mule.
WHEN tour women are walking
abreast on the pavement, they will break
ranks Tor nothing except man with q
pIlnt-pOt.-Puck.
If the Indians OF this country want to
secure their rights, all they have to do Is
10 announce to the present administrs'
ton that they are all citizens OF Ohio
PhiiadeLO hia Chronicle.
THE New Orleans DAILY Nel0s Item
wants the Virginia belI-punch introduced
there. That city always was fond OF
dram attic effects such as getting drunk
to slow music.-Richmond State.
Now we'll see Spotted Tail kitng
about on horseback with Bible IN his
belt, a gold watch in his ssddlebsg, q
Colts navy in his vest pocket, and his
overcoat pockets stuffed with dried
scalps.
WHILE we are wrestling with the mo-
mentous question OF unemployed labor,
let us pause to consider how steadily and
lucratively employed is the man who
minds his own business. BrOokviLLe JET.
fsrsontan.
WaEN woman makes up her mind
that hen shall not set, and hen makes
up her mind that she will, the Irresistible
meets the immovsble, and every law OF
n4ture is broken or prevented.-BoSto1l
TraUcLLer.
IT is said that LAST Sunday a Chicago
minister was bold enough to denounce
dishonesty IN business; but as yet no man
has been found sufficiently brave to
preach sermon against adultery in
Brooklyn. - Richmond State.
1T is well that mems faults are not
written on their foreheads," says a St.
Louis paper, and 1t is right. Every
forehead in St. Louis would have to
b. raised and additions built On.-Chtca-
90 Journal.
A LAW abolishing Sunday liquor traf-
fc is in force in Virginia. The p'oPle
used to mistake the ringing Of the MOtfat
register for the church bells, and the ser.
mons they were treated 10 were altogeth-
or too strong.
A GOOD scheme: Issue an ulster to
every Indian in the Western country.
In their first proud moments of possession
the Indians could all be tangled up in
the noble garment and slaughtered with
out resistance Chicago Times.
THE man who has heretofore collided
with plate CT soft butter when feeling
around in the cupboard in search of
something to eat after dark, now expert
ences relief from montony by sticking
his fingers IN q pumpkin-pie.-F~lton
Times.
EYES have they, but they see not-po-
tatoes. Ears have they, but they hear
pot-corns Detroit Free Press
Arms have they, but they hug not
wradmills.-YonkerS Gazette. Tongues
h we they, but they talk not-wagons,-
P,ughk. epsie Press. Legs have they, but
thay walk acknowledgement
Noes. Heads have they, but they think
Observation-Disclosures Register. Hands
have they, but they toll not-trsmps.-
Crmden Post. Noses have they, but
they smell not-pitchers.-Ne0 York
Express, Lips have they, but they
krss not Observation-Disclosures Bulletin.
Teeth have they, but they chew not
buck.aws.-!St. LOati. Globe.