Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1877-06-30
COMMUNICATED.

Friend Zittle-I frequently PROFOUND
a conundrum to you, but somehow it
appears you have no genius in that line,
at least you never answer one. Al
though l begin TO have conscientious
scruples Oh the subject myself, | can
not resist the temptation of perpetrating
another which comes in 30 pat to the
present circumstances. Here goes then:
What two things am / NOW like! Give
it up at once for you KNOW you Will
never solve the problem. am like one
of the greatest saints in the calendar
and, at the same time, am like horse.
Why so9 you will say. Because love
TIMOTHY. He has tickled my vanity
and that is the shortest and surest road
to body's affections, as any woman or
any philosopher will tell you. | have
an idea, however, that "Timothy' Is not
as good at guessing as he thinks, else,
he would award me the BIRCH and not
the PALM / am, as he says, RARE
BIRD, but not in the sense of being UN-
DERDoNE. / prefer understanding the
expression as it was applied to "Rare
Ben Johnson" and as / hope friend.
"Timothy" intended it. wish he had
quoted the whole hexameter in which
the words occur, to satisfy the curiosity
of friend "Civis," who can not under
stand how on earth it happens that l
am ,chiteVashed black.
"Rara avis in ferris nigroque similli-
ma cycno," "a rare bird on earth and
very like black swan" or "mighty like
whale" as / fancy / hear some practi-
cal, hard-headed reader of the Regis
ter saying, more interested in the price
of fish and pork than in the conceits OF
school-men. And, now, let me try
guess as to who "Timothy' is, and see
if | will not come nearer the truth than
he does. He certainly has ready and
racy pen, but | think his TONGUE is still
more eloquent and, indeed, would not
wonder if he proved to be ALL TONGUE.
Whoever he is he reminds me OF Ger
tain big-hearted Christian Minister OF
Charlestown who, to use a tavorte
phrase of mine, thinks more of Religion
than he does of Church, and who while
observing, in his daily walk the letter
! of the law, is still more anxious to obey
it in srIRrr-no Praise god Barebones
nor Tribulation Wholesome who thinks
that it is the whole duty of man 10 be
as miserable as possible here below and
make others so, but cheerful, hopeful
Christian who knows that his Masters
yoke is light, and one who does not be-
lieve that all the flowers grow On the
broad road TO perdition, but that many
beautiful one can be picked up on the
narrow path to salvation. There now
and if ne tickles me again Ill let him
have more of it,for am like an old maid
and will not be ,ickled with IMMUNITY
even by preacher, but will THREATEN
to squeal and call the neighbors.
And now, friend little, am in great
perturbation of spirit. AS l remarked
in my last communication, my con-
science has been awakened to sense of
the enorInity of the crime Of punning.
! | told you, last week, how | thought l
could trace the pedigree of all quirks,
bubbles and puns to the Devil himself.
In my perplexity l appealed to the
Board OF Education, as | always do, but
they claim that they have enough to do
in watching over the peoples grammar
and preventing or correcting violations
of it on Democratic banners and in
Democratic speeches, and moreover, as
the case involves question OF con-
science they claim that it belongs to
some ecclesiastical tribunal and not to
one purely secular. Friend Hess, our
very efficient County Superintendent,
when appealed to on the etymology of
Cocktail aud "Curtail, refused to lie
committed to any promise of laying
those subjects before the congregated
erudition of the county, and | was
therefore thrown en- my own resources.
1t happens then to me as it does to 9Th
ers who search after truth under diff
cuties that am torn asunder by con-
fiicting arguments pro and con. find
i'm the ancient classics "Punica fdes," or
"Punic Faith" to be a term of reproach
and to be nothing more or less than ar
rant treachery from which infer that
the ancients would not believe on his
oath = man guilty of a PUN. In our
modern, everyday English we have the
words "rUNish" and "punisllment,"
which would lead man to suppose that
listening to pu"ster was, at no remote
time, considered the penalty of viola
ton of law. On the other hand, | find
"pundit" used as term of the highest
compliment and applied to Brahmins of
exceptional learning. And again while
tracing as did last week, the birth
place of the human family, not very far
from Bagdad, which think have sat
isfactorily proved to be the exact spot,
find region called "PUNjaub, from
which | infer that JOB himself would
sometimes let off PUN, or that he had
patience enough to listen to one.
And now, friend little, you may i'm
agine what chaos my mind is in about
this all important subject. Abandoned
as am by all who ought to enlighten
me, my only consolation is in the pray
ers of a few good fellows who, like my
self, are cropping in the dark after right
eousness My old friend, Nelse Gala
her,--and by The way, am proud to
call him and his my friends aud, further
mora I on, ,,ropI nf tbop, % rofIect inc