Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1877-12-18
Chat by the Way.

From the New York Herald.l o..
1t does not follow that person is mu-
| sically inclined because he has q great
many crotchets in his head, nor that he
is very religious because he preys on his
neighbors. I'D
If you want to live economically in
these hard times just tell your wife that
she must go to church in her old bonnet,
and you will probably have "broil"
that will last you all day.
A three-armedtchild has been born in
Michigan. He is supposed to be near
relative of the young man whom Mr..
Cough knew who had three hands-his
right, his left, and always little behind
hand.
Rev. Mr.. Gates had serious quarrel
with his wife, which is naughty thing
for one to do, but especially so for cler-
gyman. He had not grace, but grit,
however, for when expOstulated with by
his conference he stubbornly refused to
make any concessions. Then the breth-
rem gave him up and closed their exer-
cises by singing ''The Gates Ajar."
The Indians have asked the govern
ment to send them great many things
which are easily procured and at slight
expense. But when one of them re-
quested that some "religion" might be
sent it had to be confessed that while
the spurious kind was to be had in large
quantities the genuine article was SO
scarce that the pale face needed all he
could procure for his own use.
1t is easy to make your home happy if
you will only remember that you are a
poor miserable wretch yourself and
that your wife would probably have re-
fused you bluntly if she had known SO
much about you then as she knows now.
If you happen to get up in the morning
and find the house cold don't fret and
tease and grumble until your wife rubs
her hands and says, with sigh of des-
pair and with significant glance,
''Yes, George, it is cold, and for that
matter its scold all the time now"
Who could ever dream that the cate.
chism could convey wrong impression.
A little girl once said that she should be
glad to go to heaven because they have
plenty of preserves there. On being
cross examined as to the source of her
information she took down her cate
chism and triumphantly read the ques-
ton, why ought the saints to love
God?" Answer, Because He makes,
ed that if God did make preserves and
keep them then heaven must be a very
desirable place to go to.
There are certain practical tests of
Christian character which are more val
liable than those of creeds. House
keeping presents the strongest possible
tests of religious progress. If you can
eat cold buckwheat cakes without threat
.ss,e~ to- t0a, f1oH - 4 1,fy1 b
muddy coffee without suggesting that if
will probably organize funeral process
sion for the benefit of the "help," you
may be pretty certain you have made
your calling and election sure. No, 1t
is not the creed of the Church, it is an
underdOne steak when you are in hur-
ry, which settles the question. whether
you are pagan or Christian.
There seems to be considerable excite
ment among the readers of religious pa
pers on the subject of free churches. A
large class of people are under the i'm
preston that if sittings were free more
people would attend church. We are
little apt to look at this matter from a
business point of view, perhaps, but in
all secular concerns we have found that
what costs nothing is generally estima-
ted to be worth nothing. If you want
good carpet for your house or tender
beefsteak for breakfast you must pay for
it. Why, then, should you get your re-
ligion, which is of more Importance than
carpet or beefsteak, for nothing? 1t is
all very well to talk rhetorically about
free church, but it generally means a
starving minister, and it includes the
privilege of putting bad penny into
the contribution box and the occupancy
of the best seat in the building. This
talk.is all Leather and prunella." 1t
were far better to insist on an educated
and efficient minister and also to pay
him enough to keep the ghost of un-
paid bills out of his study when he is
writing his sermons.