The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1877-07-12
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

- A son of the Green Isle refused to
believe in "cheap papers" because he did
not think they could afford 10 speak the
truth for the money"
"A butcher sold a sailor ham on
credit, but, finding in few days he had
gone to sea, he growled, eff I'd known
he wasn't going to pay for it, I'd "a
charged him three pence more pound
for it, the rascal !" ,
Mamma, if we cross the bridge at
night, must we pay toll ?" "Of course,
my dear; why do you ask?" "Why, be.
cause the river will have gone home to
Sleep" ooh, the river never sleeps" !"
"Then why has it bed, mamma?"
"Go away; you're too heavy to hold
on my knee," said cross young man to
his sweetheart's little brother. "Me too
heavyw exclaimed the child "why, ]
amt so heavy as Eliza, and you hold her
on your knee easy enough" Eliza also
then told him to go away.
"Mamma," asked little White
haller, "is our old hen going to be sent
away for the SUMMER" II guess not,
my SON." she replied; "but why do you
ask such question:" Because heard
pa tell our new hired girl that they would
have such sweet time when he sent his
old hen away for the summer."-Whitc-
hall Times.
- There is precious six-year old boy
in Auburn, Maine, who is a wonderful
speller and definer. The other day his
teacher asked him to spell matrimony
"M-a-t-r-i-m-o-n-y,"' said the youngstcr,
promptly. "Now, define it," said the
teacher. "Well," replied the boy, Il
don't exactly know what it means, but
know mothers got enough of it."
-Lessing, the German author, was, in
his old age, subject to extraordinary fits
of abstraction. On his return home, one
evening, after he had knocked at his
door, the servant looked out of the win
dow to see who was there. Not recogni-
zing his master in the dark, and mistak.
ing him for a stranger, he called out
"The professor is not at home" "Oh,
very WE'LL" replied Lessing; "no matter
-I'll call another time %
A prospective father-in-law makes
inquiries concerning his prospective SON
in.law of friend. The replies are of the
most satisfactory character till the friend
says frankly: "Still, l must admit that
he has one grave defect" "What is that
Does he play the accordeon?" HE does
not know anything about gambling"
"Why that is not defect it is virtue" -"
eyes, but you see-he CANDLES all the
same"
"A Scotch minister was once busy
catechising his young parishoners before
the congregation, when he put the usual
first question to stout girl whose father
kept a public house: "What is your
name?" No reply. The question hav-
ing been repeated, the girl replied (:
"Nane O. yer fun, MIR. Minister; yc ken
may name we'll eneuch. Dye no say
when ye come to our house on night,
Bet, bring me some ale p" The congre-
CATION, forgetting the sacredness of the
place, were in broad grin, and the par
son looked daggers.
= The butcher drove past last Monday.
Moody ran out. "Beefsteak ?" eyes"
w ueu hlllcu Salu Guc eVuISellSL, ttp-
proaching the cart. Yesterday" II
don't want any meat killed on Sunday"
Butcher drives on, soliloquizing soto voce.
Returns Thursday, passing the Moody
residence, full drive. Moody halls him
again. "Beefsteak ?" eyes" "Bring
in ten pounds" eve don't take money
earned on Sunday !" and butcher drives
on. Appears Monday morning again.
Moody On the watch. "Beefsteak ?"
eyes" Lays in large stock; no ques-
tions asked.
A neighborhood on North Hill was
disturbed all one night recently by dread.
full, awful noises coming from a haunted
house, and the appalled, family in the
house itself never slept wink, but sat
up with pallid faces and beating hearts,