River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1877-11-29
miscellaneous Paragraphs.

Hackensack man was, last midnight,
creeping softly along the bedroom floor
on his hands and knees, and was feeling
tenderly under the bureau for some
thing he had hidden there the evening
before; but his wife awoke and said,
~Peter, what under the heavens are you
doing?" Dear said he, I'm walking
ia my sleep and dreaming that L m pluck
ing water lilies from the soft, blue bosom
of the lake" How to get that flask out
of there before she got up in the morning
was what worried him more than the
water lilies did Ne,o York HeraId.~
A Tarboro negro, under trial for lar
ceny, argued in this way: mister ledge,
| clare fore God, / never sole nothin' in
my life, 'ceptin' pig-tail at hog-killin'
time from my ole missus, when | was
boy; and, Mister Jedge, l shall never
forgit my punishment. She sewed dat
pig tail to my breeches behind, an when
company would come, she would make
me come out and shake myself so dat tail
would switch; and, Mister ledge, felt
so mean an got so tired of dat pig-tail l
never stole nothin' sense. OATS fac"
The boy didn't get prize, not even an
honorable mention. 81 thought, sirrah,"
said severely the author of his being,
that you We're powerful in composition"
"1es, sir; but for nv examination theme
copied one of the letters ma wrote me
when you were travelling, and as there
were one hundred and three grammatical
errors in it" Ma, who was graduated
with distinction and read an essay on
"The Real and the IDEAL faints.
,1aa1 % N
guest in Western hotel TO the Teutonic
landlord who had shown him up to bed,
and was disposed TO wait longer than
was necessary. "You can set the light
on the chair there, and go down now"
at the same time beginning to remove his
coat "But," says Teutonic II must got
dem light afore CO." "Why must you
have itl" says the guest, "Acoz l don t
got annoder candle in der house already
Little boy No. to little boy No. q
ado you see that freckled, pug nosed,
red-haired little boy over therep YES"
"Well, he's the son of my father and
mother; bet he's no brother of mine"
What relation is hel' Does the reader
give it up! So did little boy No. 2.
Yet ii is an easy puzzle. The first little
boy lied.
Male friend of lady visitors as your
sight so very bad. my poor womanS Do
you think, now, you could see a shilling,
if | were to show you one!' Elderly
partyCpromptly)-"Thank We kindly, sir.
dunno about shillin'; but I'm sure /
could see half crown!' male person
hands it over DIRECTLY
A young Providence lawyer solemnly
asked wItr ess: what Las been the
reputation o. your son since his birth?"
MY Lord" said the foreman of
Welsh jury, when giving in the verdict,
"we find the man who stole the mare not
guilty"
"Reckon that air scales of yourn is an
Ambush scales, amt it," said country
man 10 his grocer, as he took the sugar
and handed over the money. ambush
scales--what 10 you mean?' replied the
merchant; who's AMBUSH" ambush
why, " know-reglar Ambush-y' I'M
derstand what Ambush means, don't ye!"
avail, / should hope so, Mr.. Woodruff
Ambush means hid-means somethin'
concealed -means-wait, here's the die
tionary; I'll Just read to yer exactly what
it means, so's't you needn't never use il
wrong after this-here tis-A-am-
'ambu-h-to lie in wait for" ''Yis,
that's it, squire; don't go no further-to
lie in weight for two ents!-Grdphic.
Two Methodist ministers were begin
ing revival in neighborhood belong
ing to their circuit. During several eve
nings they were vexed by the i'll manners
of the audience, many of whom walked
about in the midst of the services. FL
nalIy one of the two brought the trouble
to an end with the happy criticism: eve
are travelling preachers, but that is no
reason why we should have travelling
congregation"