, 1877-08-26
PIOUS, JOKES.

SMafla," s1lu DIous lusuaHut ttClA "lCheA
Smiths are allowing their children to play in
the ward On Sunday Tomorrow I'll sci the
dog on their chickens"
s.Who built the first housc!" II don't
know, ma'am, but think Noah did," "Why
do you think SO, my dearsn Because he's the
first architect We read Of"
The Indications are now that next Ycar's Lent
will have to be postponed. There is falling
OF OF 10 per cent In ths catch Of mackeret 50
far this season, aud the Goldfish crop is reported
short.
It cast a gloom over M entire church fair the
other night when the minister's son walked up
tothe grab-bag and prize-cake table, and de-
nanded that the game be explained to him be-
fore he bought his chips.
Some one was asking one Of the officials at
Oxford University Church il he generally went
to hear the sermon on Sunday. He replied:
.sYcs. sir; for twenty-five years I have never
missed day, and am Christian STILL" The
deduction is easy.
"Why," asked teacher In the Baptist Sun
dar-school, s'did Solomon tell the sluggard to
60 to the ants" "Because,' said 13year-old
boy, "he knew his aunt would have him out at
the wood-pile or In ths onion-bed every after
noon as soon as school Was out-''
4 kind-hearted clergyman asked convict
how he came to be in jail The fellow said,
With tears in his eyes, that he was coming home
from prayer-mecting, and sat down to rest, fell
asleep, and while he WAS asleep there the
county built jail around him, and when he
awokc the jailor refused to let him out
"What sort of . man Is Brother Hines, the
Milleritc prcachcr." was asked one day Of the
late Rev. Dr.. Parkman Of Boston, the witty Uni.
tartan minister. 'sBrother Hines" answered
Dr. j ParEman in his funny, squealdng voice, sis
a fool; or, speaking the language Of the carnal
heart unconscious Of its immortal destiny, he is
damned fool"
A little Maine chap was taken to church for
the first time where the minister otficiated in
surplice. He was continually hdgettng and 't,
asking. HMa, is he not done" "When Will
he be done7'' The minister stood to make the
closing PRAYER, raising his hands, when the little
fellow turned to his mother, with horror pict-
urcd upou his face" 5la, be Is swelling up
again"
..1t was ct the critical moment Of the BATTLE
sail Dubuque minister In an impassioned burst
OF cloqueuce, last Sabbath. "wlfen the Wuke OF
Dcllnrtou~I mean the Delk Of wellington
that is, when the Du]e Of Wellington at the
Wotttc OF Batterloo-cr um@" And then,
somehow, tho passage appeared to be SO Daddy
1nanglcd that he didn't think tt would pay to re-
1f~$
and went on
4 certain Boston Deacon lately formed his
Sunday-school iu line mud marched them along
the aisles, himself In front, singing "Hoiu the
Fort" The CONSERVATION which seized all par.
ties ut the second stouza can be better imagined
thnn described:
See the mighty host advancing,
SataI leading on
The Deacon has objected to new methods ever
since.
There was a very pleasant donation party the
other evening, and the company sang, "We
rive all for Heaven" with great feeling; but
the next dar the minister expressed desire to
resign. He said that three quarts OF beans,
a pillow-case OF dried apples, two pounds OF
head -checse, pan of twisted doughnuts, and
calico dressing-gown, were undoubtedly very
valuable id their way, but they seemed 20
form an unnatural basis to preach SOUND tneoi'
ogy from-
A Milwaukee Third Wardcr named Mccarthy
pave Archbishop Henni very old land Valua'
bic] copy Of IN lssh Bible Upon the presents 1a
ton Of the volume the Archbishop Path asseu e ~.
CarthV to read chapter from IT, "1so AL IL
crcdufous look Mccarthy said:
"Sure. an can't your reverence raae:
uYes, but not the old Irish" 49,
uFwat! An your riverence can't rage tne
fursht langwich Of the wqfat saat. to AZ, Ye
can,t raiIe the moothcr toonguc of hlv1ns Ar
Iah fFat ~ viii ye be dom at ALL at ali, when ye
rnich Mvin, your rivercneeF'
To Illustrate how curious1y persons sometimes M
/ nv tn exnlain matters that arc haEu TASK 1of
~; ~ rre,5,5iitx. mention little incident expert
onced oor bT The writer Of these lines. When
trayeled In 1871 in Palestine an old gray friai
frain The monastery Of Ramish. 2oout fifty
miles west from Jerusalem, showed me the sup,
nosed place where SAMSON killed one thousand
FhHistfnes with the jaw bone Of an ass. When
I EXPRESSED my doubts as to the length and
strength Of jaw boue, considering the great
nutnber Of surrounding enemies, the monk ex-
planned the Ease In the following manner;
4 We'll, he took hold Of the ass by the tail, and
swing the animal against the Philistines n such
a manner that only his head, and Of this e.
necially the Jaw hone, struck the philistlnee,
Keeping of Ia this why the surrounding warriors
md giving ths blow the necessary 1orce 10 xni'