Sharp County record., 1877-10-12
Mr.. Parker Trifles With Powder.

down 10 those lately assembled at Nash
vile. Mr.. Parker reads all the trans
actions Of ali the societies for the pro-
mulgation of This, That, and The 9th
or. and discourses learnedly thereon.
YESTERDAY Mr.. Parker read that a lady
had presented Il paper before the Science
AssociationinN Nashville, in which, among
other valuable things, she had suggested
a method for the determination OF mos
duitoes. Take powder, said this es-
timable woman, "and place it in a
shovel; close all the doors and windows
of your room, and then explode the
powder, The conclusion will extermi-
nate all the mosquitoes in the apart
ment.n
"What a discovery" said Mr.. Par
ker, as he read, glowing with excite
ment, and emphasizing his remark with
a resounding slap on the bald spot on
top of his head, where one Of the pests
whose destruction he was meditating
had established himself in business.
"Great guns" continued he, "what
a noble idea. So simple, so inexpensive,
so easily applied No complicated ap-
paratus needed; only shovel. Who is
there that basn'ta shovel and pound
or two of powder? Where is there a
grocer's shop atwhich one can not get
powder? And only to think that this
philanthrOpic invention should have
been struck out, in a moment of inspir-
alton, by a woman! Oh, woman!"
said Mr. Parker, ecstatically, lin our
hours of ease, uncertain, coy, and hard
to please, but when mosquitoes nip the
brow, a fierce, destroying angel thou"
At the conclusion of this apOstrOphe to
woman, Mr.. Parker, seizing his shovel
in his right hand, and pointed it
toward heaven, and, assuming the atti-
tude of Liberty Enlightening the
World, shouted "Tableau," in loud
voice. Then he went out and bought
two pounds of powder.
When Mr.. Parker returned to his
room he made elaborate preparations.
He closed the windows carefully, and,
to secure the best results, stuffed cotton
in all the cracks, then he shut all the
doors and locked them. After he had
finished those arrangements he glanced
about the room.
Two fat mosquitoes sat leering at him
from the top Of his bookcase. All was
calm without; through the closed win
dOwS came the mutfled hum Of the city'S
myriad activities. The wall of a peri
patetic glazier could be family heard,
and his pathetic "glass puddin sound
ed like a prophecy. The sun shone
brightly, the birds sang sweetly, the wa
terS of the bay danced to the futing of
the breeze. Within all was silence and
expectation. "Aha.n said Mr.. Park
er, pouring the powder into the shovel
and perhaps fancying himself a modern
Guy Fawkesx' S'death, odds b0dkins,
caitiffs, thines sour has come - Che was
addressing the'mosquitoes), "thy shrift
shall be short one. Marry come up, by
my halidom!" By this time the shovel
was full of powder, and dropping his
character of conspirator Mr.. Parker
rubbed his hands cheerfully together
and began to hunt for match. At last
he found one; he scratched it upon the
wall, but before he applied it he thought
of a passage from Orpheus. "Just the
thing" said he, "fOr a funeral oratiOn.
"I'll give it to EN-" Then, keeping
one eye on the fat mosquito and the 9TH
er on the match, he said: 81 have
placed my hand in the hamper. have
tasted the sacred barley. | have beaten
the drum. I have said 'konox ompax,
and it is finished - Mr.. Parker touch
ed the match to the pOwder-!!!!!!!
1t was finished.
As the policeman conducted Mr..
Parker through the streets half an hour
after the explosion the boys thought the
tattooed man had been arrested for get-
ting drunk, to such an extent had the
epidermical administration of powder
changed the philanthropic countenance
of Mr.. Parker.
"What have you to say, sir, against
the charge Of attempting to blow up the
city?" asked the stern Sergeant in the
statiOn-houSe.
1t was great surprise to me, sir, -
said Mr. Parker, in dazed manner,
"and have no doubt it was a surprise
to the mosquitoes
What can the man mean9 Take
him to the deepest dungeon meath"
"Ef ye please, Sergeant, knows this
gent. E is a scientific gent, an was a
trying an Experiment Wien it went off,
SIR The speaker had a box full of
glass on his back; twas the man whose
"glass puddin' had sounded like a
prophecy.
Saved!n said Mr.. Parker.
The peripatetic glazier had q job
which took him three days to finish
Ne,g York World.
Anecdotes OF Virginia Governor.
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