The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1877-12-20
SENSE AND NONSENSE,
A GOOD leSsOn-Less'n cost.


If your furs get worn down short,
whip them with forty rods; forty rods
is said to make furlong.
slows YOUR husband this evening,
Mrs. Quaggs?" mo Improvement,
doctor, one way or the other
NEVER ask fat man what he carries
that bass-drum under his vest for. 1t
may make him mad.-Burlington Ha,ck-
Eye.
This, madame said the dress
maker, sis. cut bias" Yes echoed
an apprentice, "by u.s. She was
"bounced."
"HUsBAND," said the wife of young
clergyman, "read me one of your SER
mons. 1 feel dreadfully wakeful to-
night, and wish to sleep"
OWING to the inclemency of the
weather, stone bruises have gone out of
style; chillblains are coming in, how
ever, to supply the deficiency.
VERY poor styles of coats-Opmm
habits.-N. Y. Comic Advertiser. True,
true! And yet how many are given to
laudin'- 'em.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
The peculiar manner in which a
mans hand clings to the door-knob in
the morning indicates that the molasses
candy party is surging through theland.
-FWlton IN. Y. Times.
A WORCESTER urchin was recently
observed by another in the act of stand
ing a third and small one in an invert-
cd position; whereupon the second one
cried: 30 don't, Johnny, his brains I'll
run into his head!'
GATHER, is Jack a better name
than John?'" "No, my son; jack is
inelegant. Say john always" Well,
father, l saw you throw the boot-John
at a cat last night, quito the bathroom
window" IN. Y. Commercial Adver-
tiser.
YOUNG man, beauty fades as the
years goes by. Don't fall in love with
q woman simply because she has a
pretty face. Remember that a wealthy
father-in-law is better than the rosiest
damsel in seven States. - Danbury
NeUs.
AKENTUCKY paper says that a young
man who recently married girl with
a gold mine gave his friends a supper
of "didelphys virginians" imbedded
in a wide dish of convolvulus edulls. -
Them's possum and taters.-Dets0il
Free Press.
The Boston Journal sees MacMahon
extend his hand and smile affably, and
hears him say: can zis liz re brave
zhonOral Zat unto re men of &c ~rande
United States Armee have SADIE: Il will
on zis line it fight out no mattaire if it
consume &c whole SUMMARIZE
THERE is something terribly suggest
i've in bottle of ink with the cork seal
unbroken. 1t may write immortal po-
ems that shall live for unknown ages,
or it may be touched upon the worn
edges of your frayed black coat to
make it look less secdy.-E1change.
Our in Western Iowa few weeks ago
the body of young man was found
dead in the woods, but on examination
it was discovered that the deceased
wore a corset, and without moments
deliberation the Coroner's jury brought
in verdict of justifiable homicide
Burlington Hawk-Eye.
EVERYTHING is cut on the bias nova
days. The ladies on the streets wear
garments made on the bias. The fine
goods in the shop windows seem to say
to these ladies "buy usr' and the fair
ones themselves even call to each other
from across the streets: "Oh, come
over here buy us!''-Chscago Journal.
"You have often,'' said the clergy
man, heard the brethren say Amen!
amenr while some one was praying.
What did they mean? If any one
knows, let him hold up his hand" Up
jumped little fellow, SO eager to
answer as not to wait for recognition,
81 knowr' he called out. cit means
hurry up and get through" There was
an audible smile.
Boston is not unconscious of its own
egotism and sense of superiority, and
even sees the fun of it. Mr.. II. HI.
Dana, Jr., told the following "little
story at dinner party not long ago.
He was passing negro church at the
North End one night and took it into
his head to look in. After a few mo-
ments' observation and listening, he
was quietly retiring, when one Of the
official members stepped up and ex-
pressed regret that they could not offer
him more attractive preaching. Mr..
Dana remarked politely that it was
very good, having, in fact, seen nothing
specially amiss. But the colored broth
er insisted on apologizing, Not much
in in dc way obpreachin', sir-only New
York man!
WILL AUSTIN of the Chronicle at
tempted to teach Patrick Murphy of the
Post how to play poker. Murphy
learned rapidly, and the stakes, from a
small beginning of beans, developed
into bullion. When the pot had risen
to sixteen dollars Murphy got inquisi-
tive. "S'posen a man has two kings?''
"Good hand" "S'posen he has two
more, is that double?'' Austin exuded
considerable perspiration, and re-
marked: Thunder! / throw up my
hand. You are a big fool to have told
me. You might have won all 1 hadv'
Murphy raked in the pot, laid down his
hand and started home. Austin picked
up the relinquished cards, ran them
through, and exclaimed: "Two skies!
by hokeyr'-Sas Francisco Argo,aaut.
"A road in Leicester, Mass, known
as Peters Road, is said to be named
sitter former resident of that town,
Peter Salem, a colored man, who fought
at Bunker Hill, and is credited with
firing the shot that killed Mai. Pitcairn
of the British Army. After the War he
settled at Leicester and built cottage
on that road. He cultivated small
garden, made and mended baskets and
repaired chairs. The late Gov. Emory
Washburn used to recall sitting on the
knee of the old colored man in child
hood, and hearing him describe the
Battle of Bunker Hill.
Speaking of the Black Hills editors
as poker players, the Deadsoood Miner
says if fence-rail was to be put up as
a blind, the editors are so poor that not
one of them could straddle it.