Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-11-07
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Hotel keepers are people we have 70
"put up with"
Sealed Proposals the girl for
consenting.
The sight of British red coats does not
+ appear to enrage Sitting Bull.
Never look a gift-chestnut in the
worm-hole," solemnly advises the New
Orleans Star.
> Love, the toothache, and tight boots
are things which cannot be kept secret.
!, A New York banker says that not
one business man in four can tell
!, counterfeit bill from good one.
There seems to be little use in putting
out good money if it isn'nt half appre-
GATED"
The Detroit Free Press is not progress
sive. The first great need of this
country" it says, " is an obelisk. The
second great need is to have it tip over
and kill the man who first referred to
the subject"
A woman can fall flat down in faint
and not hurt herself bit, but if her hus-
band pushes her aside III the excite
ment Of finding his hat to hurry down
to the ward caucus it almost cripples
her for life.
Boucicault says that the Shakespeare
OF these days is editing newspaper.
He has made illusions to us before,
but we appreciate the compliment none
the less on that account Kentucky Neac
Erd
A woman type-setter, writing to the
San, suggests that the reason the New
York morning papers will not employ
women compositors is that in that case
they could not rent their easements for
beer saloons.
He was pretty good at the play
business said Mr.. Grant, contempla-
lively regarding the tomb of Shakes
peare, but should like to have seen
him fighting Bob Lee or trying to be
good president with Charles Sumner as
chairman of the committee on Foreign
relations"
Do you always have such damp
weather as this ?" queried the lay dele
gate. Z Eth p said his hospitable enter
tainer in startled tone L said such
damp weather." replied the delegate,
with full emphasis on every letter Of the
adjective, Ohr' said the Bostonian,
apparently much relieved mo, only
sometimes in the fall" Boston Tran
script
At the theatre: Husband" My dear,
hand me your opera glass" Wife hands
over the glass, and husband takes long
look at pretty girl on the stage, not I'M
observed by better-half. Ten minutes
after Husband "Let me have that
glass again, my DEAR" Wife, 1t is in
the pocket of my dress, sir, and shan't
take it out again this evening"" Hus-
band whistles softly.
One Of the social stars of Paris is re-
buked by a friend, who says sternly:
Cora, if [ were YOU / should be afraid
of having bad luck The way you neg
lected your poor blind father is awful,
and you SO rich now.' Neglect him?
Why you are mistaken" mo I amt.
Isn't he begging at a street corner not
half a mile from here % "Well, and
everytime Ipass don't I give him a
penny?'
Before she could utter the Where
have you been till this hour of the
morning, anyhow" which was trem-
bling on her lips, hesaid: " Bin t'ther
mind readin';; bet yer seven dollars I
can read yer mind this very mint
" Well, you old fool, what am thinking
of noww said she, in tone of sadness.
Thinking of Why [ can read yer
mind like ther open pages of 'er book;
yer thlnkln' i m drunker'n blind owl,
but yer never was worse fooled in yer
life" She only said that there must be
something in mind-reading after all, for
he had hit the nail right square on the
head. -Boaon Post.
A police inspector being informed that
a restaurateur in his bailiwick was serv-
ing game out of season, visits the res
taurant in mutt and orders dinner.
"Waiter, says he, " can you give me
soimi of partridge?' Certainly, SIR
replies the waiter promptly, and yells
to the cook, Partridge for one" The
inspector finishes his dinner leisurely,
and then says to the waiter, Ask the
boss TO step thisNay minute" ''What
for?" 'Iswish to. notify him to appear
in court Tomorrow and answer for sell
ing cartridges out of season" ooh, I
guess It amt worth while bothering him
aeotat that y" Do as I'tellyou; [ am
the Police Inspector, and have secured
the necessary evidence against, him."
go, [ spotted your and guessed what
you were after. It wasn't partridge you
had Police Inspector {uneasily)-
rs Wha twas it thenl' Waiter cheer
fully Grow. Paris pepper.
The Portsmouth N. H. Times re-
lates the following )" A dealer in GER
tain necessaries Of life, who has been
long and tendery caring for a dearly
beloved wife afflicted with a very pain
full and incurable disease, had occasion
to seek the collection of bill of goods
which had been standing some time, of
q man who is acting as agent for grave
stones. Meeting the individual one
day.. the proverbially accommodating
dAalpr nrnSentad tho hill whoro,,nos,