Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-06-14
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

How TO take life easy-be careless with
| coaloil. u S8.s5E%F EH -.
Song of the saw-log-"I'm saw-dust
when L sing"
The latest invention Is artificial teeth
that will not chew tobacco.
Little fish have proper idea of bust
ness. Not being able to do better, they
start on a small scale s,x
=" Is that clock right over there9"
asked visitor. Right over there % said
the boy. "'Tain't nowhere else"
The striking resemblance between the
Biblical lily and the girl of the period is in
the matter of toiling and spinning.
Parsons s. Better fed than taught, /
fancy, boy?'' Boy-'sEes, bes COS L
feeds yself, and you teaches met',s -
The Philadelphia Bulletin supposes
the Russian soldiers, while On the march,
"cook their meals on the mountain
ranges"
The newest, dressy trimming for the
neck IS a boa made of white lace studded
with small flowers, such as sviolets, myo-
sotis oIShlac..@ . - 9 szs 90 EsF
Once in while you meet man who
is always talking about his &C brain.''
Isn't it queer he should speak about such
little thing?
The Houston Age offers years sub
scription to any member of the last Legis-
lature who will answer this conundrum
correctly: "How many counties are there
in Texas: 3" tJI&E f151AEl eE
A philosopher has extracted the fol-
lowing reply from a school-boy to the
query, "How is the earth divided, my
lad" - ByeMthquakes, sir"
Handkerchief and neck-ties for
morning wear are trimmed with the new
colored torchon laces, either blue or red
with white, in insertions and edgings.
1t would be enough to make any mill
ionaire's head grow bald by anticipation,
if he could only look ahead and see how
his heirs are bound to fall out after his
death.-Puck.
Mind must be the emancipator of the
farmer. Science, intelligence, machinery
these must iberate the white bondmen
of the soil from their long slavery.-Ioaoa
State Register. 1875
-Charivari has a picture of little girl
saying good night to her doll before com
pany. "Now, my dear, I want you to do
just like mamma take out your teeth and
put them in tumbler."
to be. We observed one yesterday out on
the back piazza singing There is rest
for the weary" while his mother was
wedding the onion bed.-NoTDich BuIle-
tin.
&c Postal Card Proposals!" read Miss
Pert, Indignantly, from the Washington
news. "If aman has not got stamps enough
for letter, he has not got stamps enough to
get married. No cards for me, if you
please" .--..- -....#. F'1
In SOME parts of tho world th 3 days
are four months long, and when lively
boy of twelve years accompanies his pa
rents to church for the first time, he thinks
he has struck one of those days. sllc.-
Nosrsst0Dn Herald.
An old toper's lament: "Too many
good straws are wasted in straw hats this
weather. They could be used for irri-
eating purposes every day." and then he
sinks to sleep on one OF the benches in a
shady corner of the park.-Erae Dispatch.
Its curious fact that an eight-year-
old bov can't sit for five minutes on a cane
seat chair without getting the bach-ache;
but he will walk right out and sit on the
top of hitching-p post for half an hour, and
feel like peaches over it.-DetG'oat Free
Press. 4,.. -....- 81. ''..39f-, !.
A San Francisco Court has recently
decided the value Of kiss to be $700,
gold. At that figure, it wouldn't take
fellow over half an hour or so to run
through with pretty considerable of a for
tune, and he'd have nothing left to show
for it, either.
John Chinaman is very particular
about paying all his debts on his New
Year day. SO honest is he about it that
he will even steal to get the money. One
heather arrested in San Francisco for
that explained the thing, and added that
after that New Year all Cinnamon were
honest.
=" There's nothing" said Mrs. McKer-
rel, who keeps the boarding house up on
North Hill, "that puts all the boarders in
such good humor as nice, tender, roast
goose. y "Ah, yes" replied the scholarly
book agent, waiting for an invitation to
stay to dinner, "a soft anser turneth away
wrath. .''-Ha0keye.
"A travelling man, the other day,
checked'a trunk said to contain $50, 900
worth of jewelry, from Worcester, Mass,
to Hartford, Conn, and, on presenting the
check at the destination, was handed
comparatively worthless bag, some skill
full rascal having changed the checks ator
between those points.
The following is given as a specimen
of the conversation of Chicago young
men: "Do ] you abbreve?" "Why,
cert. Don't you?'' "Bet. 1 Think it's
splend, don you 90 "Magnif." "Going
to hear Carl schurz' lec!'' " No, he's on
Hayes cab and won't lee here &c Is
that pos ?'' Dead cert.' "Well, it
makes no diff to me, wasn't going.''
-" But | pass,'' said a minister, one
Sunday, in dismissing- one themeof his
subject 10 take up another. "1hen 1
make it spadesr' yelled man from the
gallery who was dreaming the happy
hours away in an imaginary game of
| eucher 1t is needless to say tat he
went out on the next deal, being assisted
by one of the deacons with full hinds of
clubs.
"A sweet little creature sat mex me at
| the first recital of Chopin's music given
by Nine Essipof. During the PATHETIC
"Marche Funebren from the Sonah, opus
| 35, her attention was fixed, as if the music
| had entraneed her very soul. Hr eyes
| glistened with emotion, and her whole
| face was expressive of admiration and ex-
element When the pianist had finished,
| the gentleman who was with tbs sweet
| little creature turned to her and said:
"How beautifuli" To which she re-
| piled, "Yes, indeed; doesn't it fit ex-
| quisitely in the back? How muchdo you
suppose it cost yard ?'-Masit Trade
ReUieao.
| The Hired Man, and the Man Who
1 Hires.
| The relations between the emplger and
| the man he employs are intimate9nd i'm