The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1877-09-01
WIT AND WISDOM.


school sat down on ''pantAloons."
Mrs. PartingtOn says few persons
suffer from suggestion Of the brain
nowadays,
Next 70 setting up 4 fool In popu-
lar estimation the most difficult thing
is to pull him down again."
-" A man can't help what is done
behind his back" ~ the tramp said
when he was kicked out Of doors.
People say, q" Do not regard what
he is saying now, he is in liquor" Per-
haps this ls the only time he ought to
be regarded.
There are those that never reason
on what they should do, but on what
they have done; as II reason had his
eyes behind, and could only see back
wards.
He that waits for repentance waits
for that which cannot be had as long as
It Is waited for. 1t Is absurd for . man
TO walt for that which he himself has 70
do.
The only effect Of the public punish.
men: Is TO show the rabble how bravely
1t eau be borne; and every one who
hath lost toe nail hath suffered worse.
In youth grief comes with a rush
and overhows, nut It dries up, too, like
the torrent. In the winter Of life 1t re-
mains u miserable pool, resisting all
evaporation.
Yet another warning. Joseph Bates,
OF Vermont, falls dead while carrying
in an armful OF wood. Show this para
graph to your wife. Nay, cut 1t out
and pin 1t to the woodshed door.
We fnd," said coroner's jury out
West, "tha. Bill Thompson came to his
death by holding Eve aces when Jack
Smith held four. And we find that
nine aces are Eve too many In any
pack.
New York paper (tauntingly)-
"Who burned up Sl0.000,0o0 worth Of
railroad property one Sunday ?" Pitts.
burg paper (sneeringly)-" Who burn
ed up Q colored Orphan Asylum In
1882"
-" Picnic sandwiches are the
latest. They are made" says the
Wyoming County Herald, "by taking
a good.looking fellow and putting him
between two jealous girls" Well-bred
ones, we trust.
-" She is perfect Amazon" said
pupil in one OF our schools OF his
teacher, yesterday, TO q companion
eyes," said the other, who was better
versed In geography than In history, ~
noticed she had an awfnl big mouth"
"A good old Quaker lady, after list
ening to the extrsvagapt yarns OF q
store keeper as long as her patience
would allow, said tn him, "Friend H.,
what q pity 1t Is that 1t Is sin to lie
when 1t seems 80 necessary in thy busi-
ness.
-" Mother, mother, here's Freddy
teasing tie baby" Make him cry
again, Freddy, and then mother will
give him some sugar, and I'll take II
away from him, then he'll sqaull, and
mother will give him some more, and
you can take that, and Wen both have
sOme."
"A Judge, joking q young lawyer,
said " II you and were turned into
o horse and an ass, which would you
prefer to be 2" "The ass, to be sure, "
replied the lawyer. "I'vo heard of an
ASS being made Judge, but horse
never !'
What do you know about the pris"
oner 2" asked the Judge. don't
know nothin' bout him, Jedge, only
he's" bigOted. "Bigoted 2" said his
Honor. "Yes, sah." "What do you
mean by 'bigoted'?" "Well, Jedge, -
explained the witness, che knows too
much fOh one man, an not 'nuft fob
two"
"A woman who bought stamp at
the Denver postoff1ce, asked the engi'
neer of that department to stick 1t on fol-
her. He inquired II she could not stick
1t on hei self, and she replied that she
could not, because she was an entire
stranger in Denver.
Mr.. NJ. McNulty, Of San Francisco
lost his beloved wife aud two beloved
children, and in his grief, as a witness
testified. took hold OF Chinaman tC
throw him into the bay, to keep up hii
courage, like" The grief stricken
husband and father was fined $3.50.
The following incident happened
In a public school: Teacher" Defnt
lub WOTu 'bAChNdVo. OcuUitT- u
means to hollow OUT" Teacher -"COn
struct sentence In which the word 1
properly used" Scholar-"The baby
excayates when 1t gets hurt
-" only get ninety cents day,
said the man ~ his cOmrade, as he cam
along from work, "and how can I AM
my family live ?" They all said 1t wa
impossible for hlIn to exist on that sum
upon which he Invited the entire part,
Into the nearest saloon aud treated thu
crowd atthe expense of foIty.fve cents
-" Did you say was the blgges
liar you every knew2'' icrcely asked
Tufian of counsel who had been skin
ming him in his address to the jury
''Yes, did," replied the eOu nsel, an
the crowd eagerly watched for the ex
pected fight. swell, then." said th
rutian, "all I've got TO say is that yol
could anever knOWed my brother jim.
"A tale 10 told OF some English ON
GERS at COnstautinople, who, wishing a
engagement under the Turkish Govern
ment were taken by dragomen aud IL
terpreters before some great Psshs
10. 4