Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1877-10-19
Mark Twain!s Military Record.

/ wouldn't have missed this for great
deal. / did not assemble at the hotel
! parlOrs to-day to be received by a COM
mittee as mere civilian guest. No. /
assembled at the headquarters of the
Putnam Phalanx and insisted upon my
right to be guarded to this place as ol,,,
of the military guests. For l, too, am a
soldier. am Injured to war. | have a
military history. have been through a
stirring campaign, and there is not even
a mention of it in any history of the
United States or of the Southern Con-
federacy. To such lengths can the envy
and the malignity of the historian CO. /
will unbosom myself here, where l can
not but find sympathy. l will tell you
about it, and appeal through you to JUS
tice. In the earliest summer days of the
war l stepped out of Hannibal, Mo.-by
night-with a friend, and joined detach-
ment of the rebel Gen. Tom Harris
army Il find, myself in great minority
here). Up a gorge, behind an old barn
in Rails County, Col, Rail- swore us in.
He made us swear to uphold the flag and
Constitution of the United States, and tc
destroy any other military organization
that we caught-doing the same thing
In other words, we were TO repel invasion.
Well, you see, this mixed us. We could
not really tell which side we were on;
but we went into camp and left it to the
god of battles-which was the custom in
that day. l was made Second Lieuten-
ant ana chief mogul of company of
eleven men, who didn't know anything
about war-or anything. We had no
Captain. My friend, who was nineteen
years old, six feet high, three feet wide
and some distance through, and just out
of the infant school, was made Orderly
Sergeant. His name was Ben Tupper,
and he had hard time. When he was
mounted and on the march he used to 90
to sleep and his horse would reach round
and bite his leg, and then he would cry
and want to go home. The other men
pestered him good deal, too. When
they were dismounted they said they
couldn't march in double file with him,
because his feet took up so much room.
One night, when we were around the
camp fire, fellow on the outside of the
circle, in the cold, said: "Ben Tupper,
put down that newspaper; it casts
shadow like blanket" Ben said: 81
amt got any newspaper" Then that
other fellow said: "Oh, ! see, it's your
carp We all slept in corn-crib on the
corn, and the rats were very thick. Ben
Tupper had been carefully and rigidly
reared, and when he was ready for bed
he would start to pray, and rat would
bite him on the heel, and then he would
sit up all night and keep everybody
awake. He was town bred, and did not
seem to have any correct idea of military
discipline. II commanded him to shut
up he would say; "Who was your mig
ger last year" One evening / ordered
him to ride out on picket duty about
three miles TO the beginning of prairie,
Said he; What, in the night and them
Union soldiers likely TO be prowling
around there any timer" So he would
not go. Next morning ordered him
again. Said he "In the Tainy" lie
didn't go again. Next day ordered
him on picket duty once more. This
time he looked hurt Said he; What
ON Sunday You must be fool" Pick
citing was impracticable, so dropped it
from my military system. We had a
good'enough time there at that barn,
barring the rain and the rats and the |