The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1877-06-09

bag on the counter, seized pen ano
wrote, Ell Perkins, at large.
Have room, Mr.. Perkins2' asked
Mr.. Thrall, who always reads his guests
names while they are writing. them, and
then addresses them like old familiar
friends No, thank 'ee."
Shall l take your overcoatf" "Oh,
mol" replied the old, man shaking his
head.
Have dinaer ?' "No, I'm obleeged to
YOU
Well, what can do for you, Mr..
ferkins?" asked Mr.. Ihrall. ooh, moth
ing, landlord, l only want to ARRIVE,
I've been slashing around over in Iowa
for some time, aud it's good while
since I've arrived at a hotel so thought
I'd like to arrive here to-day. | jes want
to sit around the halls here for a couple
of daystill the dust settles in the street
little, 30 can see my way back to the
depot; then I'm of for Cheyenne.
Our reporter found him sitting in the
billiard hall an hour afterwards, ana
asked the old man y hat he thought Of
Omaha. She's great sir, great Why,
sir, | consider Omaha the center OF
American civilization"
For what, Mr.. PerkinsY"
For bad sidewalks, young man, bad
sidewalks Why, the sidewalks are 80
bad in Omaha that If u man couldn't go
and rest his ieet on that one piece OF
pavement in front of the First National
Bank, | do believe your citizens would
have to hobble round on crutches."
"What do you think could be done,
about our water supply here, Mr..
Perkins p asked our reporter. Wella
young man." replied Mr.. Perkins, wip-
ing his bald head ON a red bandanna hand
kerchief, my theory is that the only
way for you to do is to take the water
here when there is plenty of it-say
June or July, and boil it down-concen.
trate it, sir, and store the concentrated
water away in tin cans old oyster cans
will do for dry time like the present"
"What would you 40 VITA the boiled
down water then, Uncle Eli p asked our
reporter. "DoY Why dilute it, young
man. When the drought comes pour your
concentrated water into washtubs and
dilute it."
What is your theory of getting a
supply of water in case of fire, Mr..
Perkins p Why, when there is plenty
of water | boil it down, and boil 1t down
to fine gray powder, and let the fire.
man blow it onto the fire; thus" said
the old man, quitting out the fire, as
Prof. Tyndall suggested in his lecture,
in horn"
"What are you going TO do out at
Cheyenne, Mr.. Perkins ~" Lecture, sir,
lecturei The citizens of Sydney-Sydney
hates Cheyenne, you know--have offered
me fifty do lars to lecture at Cheyenne.
elias Mr.. Kimball fixed you up with
passes?' Why, yes. He says, Mr.. Kim
ball does, that he'll lgive me special
car any time to Cheyenne rather than
have me remain in Omaha over night
and the Central Pacific people have
kindly offered to keep me in perpetual
free passes over their road, hoping that !
may be eventually killed on the trains.
tell you young man, they're awful
respectful, these Nebraska railroad men
are"
How do you pan out on your lecture
biz7'' Excellent, sir, 1 have a large
field; am Well received and appreciated /;
and am well treated by the press. Let
me read you some OF the press testimon-
ials. Here's one from the Chicago Times !:
When Eli Perkins delivered his lectures
in the Illinois House Of Represensibles
there was great rush-hundreds OF
people left the building, and they say if
he had repeated it the next night they
would have left the city,
Here's another from the Yale College
Courant: 1t is proper to say that MIR.
Perkins delivered his great lecture be-
fore Yale, Vassar and Harvard Colleges
ever heard any thing about him p
"Here's another from the New York
Tribune A poor man fell over the gal
lery last night while Eli Perkins was
humorously lecturing in beastly state
of intoxication'
"Were you drunk, Mr.. Perkins, On
the other man? ?" we asked.
81 suppose it was the other man" said
Eli.
"Here is still another--from the
genial editor of the Congressional Globe
We never, but once, experienced more
real genuine pleasure than when this clio
quent man (Mr. Perkins) closed his re
marks. That occasion was when we woI
the affections OF beautiful young lady
and gained Northumberland thel
saw that mother-in-law sUeetty am
serenely pass aaoay.' Now these notice
are what / cali complimentary"
eyes" said tho reporter.
At nine o'clock our reporter left INCL
Eli still sitting in the billiard hall.
THE Arizona Indians have weakness
| r. - Il, IL