New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1877-12-14
DARyED SMART FBLLERS.p


"fcller," who always got the best of bargain,
in NewEngand. They called him sometimes
a Connecticut Yankee" 1t was he who, as
the story ran, confused the slOw-gOing grocer
with an intricate mathematical calcula-
ton, and absorbed his beer scot-frce.
" How muchr said he, in n rapid, rafting
sort of way not common in country towns,
which of itself rather startled the grocer
chow much are herrings this morning 7"
Slowly answered the grocer, " Three cents
"apiece." "Ah," said Smarty, briskly, "Ill
"take one;" and the grocer rolled him up
his herring. AS he took the parcel
new thought struck him. Keep beer +"
he shouted explosively. "Yes," said the
grocer, as soon as he recovered from the
shock of his customers abruptness. How
"much a glass p "Three cents" :" Oh, ah,"
said the customer thoughtfuly, and then with
great rapidly: " Well, | won't take the her
"ring-I'll take beer; behring's three cents
CHEERS three cents give me the beer-thereS
% the herring y and he passed over the
herring, drank the beer, and started to
90 "See here interrupted the grocer,
"you haven't paid for the beer" Paid for
ait: of course ] haven't; / gave you the
cheering for it; both the same price, you
"soid.r "Ye-e-s-I know" said the grocer,
who was getting cOnfused "but you didn't
"plv for the herring" "Pay for
"it!n Numbered Smarty; "Of course
didn't. Why should II l didn't
"take it, did IT And then the grocer
said meekly "Oh well, | presume it's all
right-only don't-but of course you're cor
"rect,-only if you'd just as leave, | wish
"vou'd trade somewhere else" The customer
retired, and the grocer fell into brown study
from which he at length emerged with the
remark, "Well, that's a darned smart Teller
"anyhOw."
1t may he a genuine New-England story.
And possibly you'll find the slow-going grocer
i'm some ewEngand town to-day. But
Smarty has moved West. He seems to have
largely populated Ohio. His descendants are
i'm Congress-at both ends of the CapitOl-and
they are the same "darned smart fcllers that
trade off herring for beer in the regular course
of business, with the added accomplish
ment, that instead OF going away after
they have guzzled their inexpensive beer,
they sit round the stove and view them
selves with cOmplacency as the principal pro-
moters of n great revival in business. Here
are Mr.. Stanley Matthews at one end of the
Capitol and Mr.. Ewing at the other, roll
ing out upon the American people such
an extent and variety of intricacies on
the silver question, and the question
of resumption, that the average bondhoder,
listening to the flow of argument and the
change and interchange and convertible
ity and intercOnyertibIhty of terms and
phrases and figures and dates, gets as badly
confused as the grocer in the story.
They demonctize and remonetizc and
bimetalze and mOnomctallize and shuttle
and cut and swap herring fOr beer, and beer
for herring, until the only thing that is left
toerably clear is the fact, that when
they owe dollar they propose to pay
but ninety-two cents in any event, and
not that if they can i'll any way
beiuggle the business so as to get rid of
it. They are "darned smart fellers " both Of
them, and the very best thing the country can
do with them is what the grocer did with his
"darned smart feller'-send them somewhere
else to do their trading.