The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1877-04-26
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
The sizzle of the soda fountain d
heard in the land.
"A California paper says that that State
could afford to pay million dollars to be
rid of its squirrels.
Men are frequently like tea-the
real strength and goodness are not proper
ly drawn out until they have been in hot
water.
"A new London song is entitled, 81
cannot say good bye.'' Then why doesn't
he simply say "Ta-tas s"-Norrtstotcn
Herald
Joe Coburn goes up for ten years. In
the still watches Of the night he can take
his little pencil and figure the cost Of
shooting policeman.
The Boston Globe is authority for
stating that the notion of eating oat meal
or cracked wheat at breakfast is becoming
regular Boston wrinkle.
=" It's nice to have slippers given to
you," said the naughty boy who had just
been corrected for lying, when be saw the
fine pair his big brother received from his
girl; but it makes all the difference how
you take them"
1t is rather expensive to 60 to Egypt
to- look upon an eastern pott ntate, and q
much cheaper way to secure the spectacle
is to wait till the circus comes along and
throw an apple into the happy family cage
and see the mon khedive after it.-Bur-
lington Hack Eye.
In the spring the gentle sere-
Naders tinkle their guitars,
And the violins make merry
Music underneath the stars;
Then, next day, the gentle sere-
NaderB not soj0lly are
For fellow can't be merry
Playing on the soft catarrhF'
Lebanon Herald.
1T is not long since a Kentucky expert.
who had been called in to decide wager
as to the weight of mule, having applied
tape-line to the animals hindquarters,
recorded his opinion, as the local paper
says, with singular neatness, "just before
his death, that, if that mule hefted as
much all round as he did behind, his
weight must be 81, 900 pounds"
There arrived at Portsmouth, N. H.,
the other day, a married couple who had
walked all the way from Ogdensburg, N.
y, in search of employment. The hus-
band (who is but eighteen years old says
his wife (who is only seventeen) stood the
hardships of the tramp better than he did,
though both were in good health ndspirits
at the end of their long walk.
When young man from Harvard is
asked if he will always love her thus, he
does not answer, Will duck swim ?'
Science has taken the place of poetry, and
he replies, "Will evolution from the un-
conditioned working in protoplasm by ac-
cretion and absorption produce the organic
cell!' Then he inquiries languidly if
there are any cold beans about the house.
The Test o. Worth. Artist" What do
you do in this lonely place, Donald, when
any one is sick and the doctor ten miles
OFF," Donald" Oh, we shust give hcra
dram" Artist But supposing that has
no cffecty ?" Donald 1--WE shust gle her
another dram /" Artist but sup
posing even that does not do?" Donald
oh, we shust gle her another dram, and
if that does nae cure her, she's no worth
curing.,'-FMnny Folks.
The witness before the court was Mr..
Wood What is your name ~ asked the
clerk. " Ottiwell Wood,, answered the
witness. How do you spell your name ?"
then asked the somewhat puzzled Judge.
Wood replied: 20 double +, double
U, E double L, double U, double y D."
The astonishcd Judge thought it the most
extraordinary name he had ever met with,
and after two or three attempts to record
it, gave 1t up amid roars of laughter.
The new spring suit of clothes Is
more than ever work of art. 1t is the
most striped, ringed, streaked, speckled
and checkered thing ever brought to pub
lie notice. 1t sits man as a Cossack sits
his horse, and looks fdr91 the world as
though made from the wool of Jacobs
spotted sheep, or some OF their direct de-
scendants.r It fairly makes man dizzy
to look at one Of these new suits, and
angry to see the owner strut around in 1t.
Especially Is this SO when the man can't
afford to have one himself. - Chicago
Journal.
"A woman writes to find out what evil
genius it is that always leads man into
the parlor to black his boots on the best
ottoman, rather than on the more cOnve-
nient wood box In the kitchen? And why
man always starts to walk away from the
wash stand when he begins to wipe his
face, and drops the towel half way down
the STAIRS, or out in the front yard, or
wherever he may be when his face Is dried ?
Good land, woman, do we know the un-
fathomablef We suppose its the same i'm
pulse that always makes . woman stand
before the glass to comb her back hair or
button the back Of her polonaise. Bur-
lington Hd,ok- Eys.
Experience il better than money, and
We can ct any quantity Of It'll We only
are careful TO lay it up as we get II The
L. rvloNf