The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1877-11-29
PASSING SMILES.

IDLENEss is the dead sea that swallows
up all virtues, and is the self-made
sepulcher of living man.
IwIsH nations would adopt a plan to
settle their disputes without first cutting
one another's throats.-Franklip.
FoREGoEs twas the word put out at
a written spelling exercise recently, and
one little boy handed in, ego, go, go,
CO." q
HE who feareth to submit any ques-
ton to free discussion, hath a greater
love for his own opinion than for truth.
Bacon.
ROYAL Europeans apparently get into
their boots wrong end first. A sign in
a Belgian town reads: Isidore Tanner,
Bootmaker for Crowned Heads"
MELoDoUs Bryant, though at eIghty-tour
Thy locks with henored years are silvered Ger,
May thy life's volume on its closing page
Bear the full glory of golden age!
ROBES and fur gowns hide all. Plate
sin with gold, and the strong lance of
Justice hurtless breaks; arm it in rags, a
pigmy's straw doth pierce it.-Shaks-
peore.
THERE is an old German proverb to
the effect that a great war leaves the
country with three armies-an army OF
cripples, an army of mourners, and an
army of thieves
WHAT is the difference between per-
son going to Plymouth church and one
about to ask lady favor? One is go
ing to see Beecher and the other is 60
ing to beseech her.
A YOUNG New Yorker, who is paying
his addresses to lady-love, stayed SO
late a few evenings since that the family
were compelled to whitewash the wall
next morning to obliterate his shadow.
"YoU go to Shecaggo, heyg' said the
gentleman from Germany. "Vell, you
pc bretty careful aboud dat water dere.
IF you dond want to ket seek, you thinks
none uf dat water dill you ket used to
him."
MAMMA" You're a very naughty
boy, Tommy, and 1 shall have to buy
whip and give you a good whipping.
Now, will you be goodY Y Tommy with
hesitation)- -" Shall / be allowed to
keep the whip after, mammal
A WISE man hath foibles as well as
fool. But the difference between them
Is GlldG GIlC lO1UItS VI bllc OllC SlC hhOWh
to himself and concealed from the world;
the foibles of the other are known to the
world and concealed from himself.
MODERN JULIET.
o it is early yet! Stay Romeol
See, it is not quite ten-and you would go!
I do remember when there scarce was need
To urge you 80.
o nurse wish you'd stop that screamingl
I'll come in when I'm ready--not before;
(She will not hear me if Pm very careful
Closing the door)
What il my father knew about this' OF
That you were on this doorstep, Romeo,
Beyond doubt.
You must? Step lightly, then, or I'm afraid
Some one will hear you. So, goodnight, good
How long he stayedI
FATHER" said boy who got kicked
in the face by a mule that he was an
noying. "Shall ever be as good looking
as l was" "SsNo, my son." answered
the parent, "I don't think you'll be as
handsome as you were, but you'll know
a great deal more"
"WHEN does man feel the value of
a true wifeT' asks writer. That de-
pends upon what the writer means by
value. If he means estimated value, we
should say just after he gets her; if in
trinsic value, when he pays the first bill
for the Christmas presents she had
made him
A SCHOOL board inspector asked
small pupil of what the surface of the
earth consists, and was promptly an
swered, Gland and water" He varied
the question slightly, that the fact might
be impressed on the boys mind, and
asked: What, then, do land and wa
ter maker" To which came the imme-
diate response: "Mud."
A WARNING to practical teachers.
Rector-"Only five cents for morning
collection! How is thatp' Warden
"Well, you said in your sermon that
giving money to the church that was
got through business frauds did not pal
late the sin; so 1 suppose the congrega-
ton considered you were personal. and
they got offended and didn't give any
thing.'
Chow nicely this corn pops" OBJ
served he, as they sat eating it together
by the fire. eyes" replied she, holding
down her head, "it's got over being
green" Of course he couldn't stand
SuCu du lulcIcuCc dS Glldt, anu ulSut
soon have been seen popping" him
self, and watching the glad light in her
eyes as she blushingly said: "Go ask
poppyP"
LAFAYETTE (Ind.) Leader: A Lafay-
cite lady who is evidently poetical
genius, while travelling recently in a
railroad train, was much annoyed by a
gentleman smoking, whereupon she in
dited the following stanza:
May never lady press his lips,
His profered love returning;
Who makes furnace of his mouth,
And keeps his chimney burning.
May each true woman shun his sight,
For fear his fumes would choke her;
And none but those who use the " weed" !"
Have kisses for smoker.
A TRAVELLER in Texas reports a new
decree of table etiquette. He discovered
few blonde hairs in the soup, and he
thought the landlord would feel very
bad about it, but that gentleman merely
remarked, as he excavated a perishing
fly from the butter: "AllI / ask is, Judge,
that you don't fish 'em out with your
finger. You have got to use fork. 1t
is one of the rules of the house that no
gentleman is expected to put his finger
in the vittles. This amt no railroad
town, but when it comes to style and
tone we carry off the blue ribbon every
time the horn toots-"