St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1877-08-31

time, so that they could be carried like
a satchel.
A group of bucOlics on Saturday night
stood on the sward outside the Ocean
House, Long Branch, admiring the
dancing. One of them, a hypertrOphic
Jersey dame, with arms akimbo, said,
"Wall, now, if ever / seed such st, lie.
Why, just look at that old hen with
scOllOps on her forehead, and chalk on
her face. Come on, Sal, can't stand
that" She forthwith left in disgust.
Said POughkeepsie alderman to a
Kingston alderman after centennial
introduction "Where's Hall 2" "What
Hall?" said the Kingston alderman. SAL
cohol, "replied Poughkeepsie. .'Oh, said
Kingston, she's with John" "What
John ?" said Poughkeepsie. ''Demi-
john" said Kingston, and then both
crawled into the hold of canal boat
and died.-Poughkeepsie Eagle.
A porter knocked violently at the
door of a certain room at the Catskill
Mountain House at half-past four in the
morning. "Well, WE'LL" screamed the
man inside, jumping out of bed, "what
is it-fre, murder or sickness ?" ''Sun-
rise, sir" said the porter. "Thank
heaven" exclaimed the man, ''thank
heaven it is nothing worse ~ And he
got back into bed Worcester Press.
A Chicago lady, whose colored coach
man is il curious specimen of his race,
lately observed to some friends that at
times ''the man was Il perfect enigma"
and all hands were not little dumb
foundered to hear the lady's youthful
son break out with the exclamation /:
"Why, of course he's mig, ma, just see
how black he Chicago EUening
Journal.
An Oakland huckster bought fine
mule at auction on California street last
week. He paid $40 for it, and chris
tened it Martin Luther. After trying
for three days to put its harness on
from second story window, the owner
resold it yesterday for $l4, on long
time, and under the style and title of
'Sara." 1t was purchased by the city
government, and will thenceforth be
used to suppress riots. 1t is calculated
that when backed gently but firmly
into a mob, the business of this faithful
animal will be equal to four Calling
guns and howitzer.
When Whittier went into ecstacies
over the barefoot boy. remarks the
Hawkeye man, he never stopped to
think what wild old circus they had
of it every night, trying to make the
boy wash his feet before he crawled into
the nice clean bed and drew war maps
with his heels all over the snowy sheets.
The Rev. DR.. McCosh, of Princeton
College, tells story of a negro who
prayed earnestly that he and his cOlored
brethren might be preserved from their
''upsettin' sins" "Brudder," said one
of his friends ut the close of the meet
ing, ''yOu amt got de hang oh dat ar
word. It's besettin', not upsettin."
''Brudder," replied the other, off dat's
so it's so. But | was prayin' de Lord
to save us from de sin oh 'toxication,
an eff dat amt an upsettin' sin | dunno
what am"
A Pittsburg mechanic asks the fol-
lowing very proper question Having
been worker for forty years, by indus
try and economy | have accumulated
several thousand dollars, and wishing
to provide for Il rainy day invested
them in railroad, bank and insurance
stocks, and little in bond, before it
was considered criminal to own such
documents. | ask, am | IL working man,
Il capitalist, or blOated bondholder p
A young gentleman who has been
teaching school in Tennessee, but who
prefers ease and comfort and plenty of
money to Il life of toll, has taken off his
waIstcOat, unbuckled his snspenders and
opened his heart in the presence of il
Western editor. ''To be an editor,n he
signs, Ito sit III an elegant sanctum,
with nothing to do but write when |
felt like it, to have plenty of money and
go when and where please free of cost,
and lead the editors quiet life of ease,
without care or trouble of any sort, is
the height of my ambition.n The Du-
plicate Patent Outside, published in
Sybaris, is advertising for just such a
man.
A wood teamster yesterday had some
business to transact with the occupant
of "a room in the top story of block on
GriswOld street, and as he reached the
landing of the last flight of stairs his
heel caught and down he rolled, bump
ing from stair to stair, and unable to
catch hold of anything. A lawyer lean
ed over the stairs as he heard the noise.
and shouted
''Gon'll strike bottom pretty quick
don't get discouraged -
''Oh, l know just where | am; |
counted the stairs when | went up" re-
piled the teamster. AS he landed he
rubbed his bruised back, and looking
up the stairs he mused-
81 counted fourteen steps going up
and fifteen bumps coming down. Some
thing wrong with the architecture of this
building. Free Press.