The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1877-08-11
VARIETY.

Mr. CarlyIe saws that young men should be |
8 shut up in barrels and kept somewhere out OF |
sight until they have passed their twenty-nfth
year because it is about this time that they |
:. attain to their maximum of detestability.'
An Irish coachman, driving past some harvest |
fields during the summer, addressing smart |
girl engaged in shearing, exclaimed, g Arrah, |
nv darling, 1 wish was in jail for stealing ye.'
Remember whom you are talking to, SIR"
said an indignant parent to face tious BOY
am YOUR father" s. Well, who's to blame for |
that?'' said the young impertinence; L" tain't |
me.'
a country paper has this libellous paragraph:
- Philadelphia has musical association that |
is over fifty years old. One or two of the young
ladies have belonged to it ever since it was Or
ganized.'
Bully FOR BULL.-Some wicked wag has been
putting it about that all American beef isn't
bull beef. Well, we know the Yankees have
often boasted they could cow US. Perhaps they
are doing it now.-Fun.
An old man had two sons, the one minister
and the other doctor. He was very proud OF
them, and one day he said to friend, - Had
kent ane O. my sons was guam to be medical
man and ither clergyman, wad never hae
haen aud Jenny Gosh for their mither."
We are going home," said a tramp who
wanted to talk Astor Stewat, Garner, Lick,
and Vanderbilt, have all dropped out of the busy
world within a short time. have myself
1OOHn t0aC WOrTle5 u1e BOOu uCdi dlLCA
hours, and to-day forgot to take Is cents with
me when l closed the vault. ."-Nel0 Orleans Re
publican.
An Iowa orator said:
81 have heard that some persons hold the
opinion that, just at the precise moment after
one human being dies, another is born, and the
soul enters and animates the new born babe.
Now, have made particular and extensive IN
quires concerning my opponent, and hnd that
for some hours before he drew breath nobody
II I'LL laar fn dr0r M
the inference
Near Rattray street she dropped little red
bow with gold pin attached, and it iuttered to
the edge OF the sidewalk. She stopped and look
ed at it. 1t might as well have huttered to the
edge of the universe and dropped over for any
think she could do to get it. She walked
around it two or three times, gazed sadly at it,
md then walked block to High street. got a
mall boy, and paid him two pence to come back
and pick up that bow. AS the boy rejOined his
companiOns he remarked "Darned if ever
seen a woman SO proud. She wouldn't pick up
her own things on the sidewalk" But it wasn't
pride.
A HOPELESS Casa gentleman on Sheldon
et. thought of having telephone put into hif
house, so as to enable him to hold sweet converse
with his business partner, but his aged mother
rrotested against it earnestly. &c Robert" sh'
aid. IS if You bring one of those dreadful thing
IN here I'll never close my eyes for fear it may
break out and sweep us into eternity, and III
not a bit the wiser.'' He tried to persuade he
4bat il was an innocuous instrument, but sh,
aid. 90 No, no; look at the thousands and mil
lions of poor Hindoos it killed last Fall.
g Wby said he So that wasn't telephone-tha
was typhoon - but the old lady lowered he
glasses, and, looking at him over the rims there
6f. said he couldn't fool her-that she mlghtn
know much, perhaps, but she did know that tn
typhoon was the President of Japan The gen
tleman has given it up as hopeless case.-Ch'
rGgO Tribune.
INFLUENCE OF GREENBACKs.-He looked ike
man who might have had fifteen cents last fall
bat who had used the last of it weeks age
When he sat down in the restaurant the waiter
paid no heed to him, and he raped seyera
times before colored man slid that way.
81 want fried OYSTERS said the man, as D
looked owe. the bill of fare.
"Dey is fist out, fried oysters is, replied tn
waiter.
Bring me a chicken, then"
Dere isn't chicken in de place"
g Got any venison z? inquired the man.
SO Not an inch, sab. )"
Any ham and eggs?
sc No, sab.
8: See here" said the man, getting vexed, I"
want square meal. I've got the ducats rIg
here, and can pay for my dinner and buy yo'
old cookshop besides"
He lifted big roll of greenbacks out OF .
pocket, shook it at the darkey and continued ::
go 81 Have you chicken ?'
"Yes, sab, guess so, sab; have de blgge
kind o. belief dat since we commenceo 20 tax
1ehieken has blown right into de kettle an De
cooked And now about dat venlson ana &c
Tried oysters-day has also arrived"