Connecticut western news., 1877-05-04
HUMOROUS.

ANlM1LE OTAI1ST1As-haGS are au6Cs tionate, they 1uv young chickens, sweet kream, and the best place in front of the fireplace.
 Dogs are faithful, they will stick to a bone after everybody else haz deserted it.
 Parrots are eazily edukated, but they will learn to swear well in half the time they will learn ennything else.
 The birds eat bugs and worms for plain yittles, but their dessert konsists ov the best cherrys and gooseberries in the garden.
 The owl iz only picture ov wisdum by dalite, when he kant see enny thing. When it cums mite hiz wisdum wholly konsists in ketching a field mouse if he kan.
 The donkey iz an emblem ov pa chunce, but if you studdy them klosser, yu will find that lazyness iz what's the matter ov them.
 The eagle iz the monark ov the skies, but the little king-bird will chase him to his hiding place.
 The OK knoweth hiZ masters krib, and that iz all he dug kno, or care about hiz master.
 Munkeys are imitatiff, but if they kant immitate some deviltry they ain't happy.
 The goose iz like other phools-all- Wuss seems anxious to prove it.
 If mules are ever meek it iz simply becauze they are ashamed ov themselfs, but mules are hibrid, ain't ackountable for ennything.
 The bees are bizzy people; rather than be idle they will rob each other ov their hunny. The kockroach iz a loafer, and don't seem to live so much on what they eat as what they kan git into.
 Ducks are only cunning about one thing; ther lay their eggs in sitch sly places that sumtimes they kant find them again themselfs. The muskrat kan foresee hard winter and provide for it, but he can't keep from gettin ketched in the sylliest kind ov trap.
 Hens kno when it is a-going to rain, and shelter themselfs, but they will try to hatch out glass, egg just az honest az they will one ov their own.
 Mudturkles are the slowest ov enny four-legged kritters, and yet they are allwuss on the move, trieing to git somewhere else.
 Hornets hay more fight in them than ennything ov their size, but there iz no method in their madness; they will pitch into meeting house when they are furious, just az anxious az they will into sleeping baby in it's kradle,
 The kro lz the most natral ov all thiefs; they will steal, and hide, what lz ot no use to them, nor loss to ennv boddy else.
 Ants are the bizzyest ov all the little, or big bugs, but large share ov their tune lz spent ill repairing their houses. which are bilt whare folks kant help but step on them.
 Flies toll not, neither do they spin. yet they hay the first taste oy all the best gravys in the land.
 The cuckcoo iz the gratest ekonemist amung the birds; she lays her eggs in other birds nests, and lets them hatch them out at their leizure.
 Rats hay fewer friends and more enemys than anything of the four-legged pursWashun on the face of the earth, ana yet rats are az plenty now az in the palmyest days ov the Roman Empire.
 OV all things lazy the sloth wears the belt, and yet his laZyness is all thare is interesting about him.
 The frog dodgeth when it lightens, ana the tud gaps when the thunder bellows.
 The kro bids her nest oy stix. the sWallo ov mud, the squirrells ov leaves. the wren ov feathers and wool, and the Woodpecker digs hole for his eggs in the rotten trees.
 The sarpent and the krab change Cnelr clothing each year. and the rack coon lives all winter long on the memory ov what he ct in the summer.
 The horse allwus gifts up from the ground on his fore legs first. the kow on her hind ones, and the dog turns around times before he lies down,
 The kangaroo he jumps when he walks, the coon paces when he trots. and the lobster travels backward az fast az he kan forwards.
 The elephant haz the least, and the rabDlt the most eye for their size. and a rats tale 1z just the length ov hiz boddy.
 - The spider iz the only kritter that ketches it's food in trap, and a sheen Will l1v without water longer than ennv domestick animal.
 The fox iz the hardest to ketch in a trap, and muskrat the eazyiest, and the meddo lark iz the shyest oY all the birds ov the air.
 The kro flies 6 miles, and the wild pidgeon 60 an hour, but the humming Olrds beats all things on the wing.
 The horse will eat 10 hours out of every l2; the OK lays down and chews hlz k9d haH the time; and the hog never knows what it iz not to be hungry The wild turkey kan run faster than he kan fly, and enny man who is a good walker kan tire deer out in A hours. kant think, in konklusion, ov enny- thing just now, in art, science. or morality, that mankind excel in. but kan be found, more or less developed, Tn the bugs, beasts, birds, and fishes.- Josh Billings.