Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1877-05-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

w HAT Is tnat which by losing an eve
has nothing but a nose left? A noise.
THE best base ball catcher in the
country has outdone himself and caught
the small pox.
An old style carpet Dagger: The man
who takes your carpet away to clean
and doesn't come back with it.
THE Christian Union says that it makes
man purer and better to cherish re-
jected love There is more fun, however.
in going off and making love to another
girl.-Nor'c;ch Bulletin.
"HERE, James, take this key, rope
ladder and parachute, and show the gen
tleman up to 1852. Lunch at . A. NJ,
sir, if you can't sleep" Cincinnati COM
nerc5dl.
"SEE here, wife, you indulge that boy
too much. He is q perfect mule" ooh,
husband, please don't accuse our boy of
having an ass for father" Theold man
was silenced. <n.r -.#
CAPT. BURNABY was asked by his
Turkcoman guide which an Englishman
loves best, his horse or his wife. But
the author answered automatically:
That depends on the woman"
odd you ever go to a military ball9'
asked lisping maid of an old veteran.
!" No, my DEAR" growled the old soldier
:" In those days | had a military ball
come to me- And what do you think?
1t took my leg OFF,
A HOUSE in Bellaire, Ohio, has this
legend on the gatepost: {. Nineteen
agents have called here this morning;
we always shoot the twentieth" No
agent has touched the beIlknob since the
placard was posted.
"CHANGED your business, haven't
you, doctor?" asked a boarder of the
economical landlord. "No; why?" " Be
cause from the grains in these griddle
cakes | didn't know but you had gone
into the hide and leather business"
A LADY correspondent of the Jommal
concluced her letter as follows: "But [
have already wearied you," etc. The
Fillainous type-setter made it read:
But [ have already married you"
This is only one of the thousand little
annovances that newspaper man has to
suffer.-LoaceU Journal
DR.. HOLLAND wants to know ''who
can tell what baby thinks?'' Well,
what would DR.. Holland think himself
if he had to wear clothes a mile too
long for him, and have his back stuck
50 full of pins that there wasn't room on
it for half square inch of prickly heat.
Globe DEM
A BOLD, bad man from Burlington
went up to Mediapolis the other day, and
put his head in at the door of the cheese
factory. "Has anything remarkable
curd here?' he asked. And then the
girls creamed, and the men came out
and drove him a whey.-Haackeye.
SPORTING sub should like to
have my leave as soon as possible,
Colonel, for I've just heard that my
fathers had bad fall out hunting"
Colonel" Dear me! Pm sorry to hear
that! hope he's not hurt!'' Sporting
sub" Oh, it ism that!-only want to
THEY have a bank in Deadwood. The
paying teller wears red shirt, and sits
with his boots up on the counter, and the
President, when he isn,t-cutting off his
coupons with a bowie-knife, amuses him
self with draw poker with Director or
two in back room.
WHEN Mr.. Joughnes entered store
and observed on the wall behind the
counter the legend: "If you don't see
what yon want, ask for it. his eyes
quickly royed all over the establishment,
and not seeing what be wanted he asked
for it. The proprietor " couldn't see it, i"
either Jonghnes wanted five dollars
Norristoacn Herald
KNOW a husband Of extremely re-
fined ideas, and withal little jealous,
who looks with surprise at the superb
shoulders which his wife only too will
ingly exhibits for general admiration.
Looking at her thus, in full undress one
evening, he murmured, with much an
noyance: It is astonishing. Every
new dress, / pay for full two metres
more of TIE stuff; but [ never see it.
There never is enough for the waist. y
Paris Letter.
No MORE SENDING COnsumpt1ves