Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1877-11-01
MARK TW4IN'S LATEST.
How an Irreyerent Old Salt Interpret.
ed the Story of Elijah and the
Prophets of Baal.


One trip the captain had a clergy
man on board. but did not know he
was a clergyman, since the passenger
list did not betray the fact He took a
great liking to this Rev Mr. Peters, and
talked with him a great deal; told him
yarns, gave him toothsome scrapes of
/ personal history, and wove a glittering
streak profanity through his garrulous
fabric that was refreshing to a spirit
weary of the dull neutralities of I'M
decorated speech. One day the cap
tain said, Peters, do you ever read the
Bible ?"
"Well-yes."
"Ijudge it amt often, by the way
you say it. Now, tackle it in dead
earnest once, and you'll find it'll pay.
Don't you get discouraged, but hang
right on, First you won't understand
it, but by and by things will begin to
clear up, and then you wouldn't lay it
down to eat"
Eyes, | have heard that said"
"And it's so, too. There amt book
that begins with it. 1t lays over 'em
all, Peters. There's some pretty tough
things in it-there amt any getting
around that-but you stick to them and
think them out, and when once you
get on the inside everything's as plain
as day"
The miracles, too, captain ?"
" Yes, sir? The miracles, too Every
one of them. Now, there's that bust
ness with the prophets of Baal, like
enough that stumped you ?"
well | don't know butt
Gown up, now; it stumped you.
Well, don't wonder You hadn't had
any experience in ravelling such things
out, and naturally it was too many for
you. Wouldn't you like to have me
explain that thing to you, and show you
how to get at the meat of these mat
tiers ?"
4" Indeed L would, captain, if you
don't mind"
Then the captain proceeded as fol
lows: :" I'll do it with pleasure First,
you see, read and read, and thought
and thought, till [ got to understand
what sort of people they were in the
old Bible-tlmes, and then after that it
was clear and easy. Now, this was the
way put it up concerning Isaac* and
the prophets of Baal. There was some
mighty sharp men amongst the public
characters of that old ancient day, and
Isaac was one of them. Isaac had his
failings-plenty, Of them, too; it amt
for me to apologize for Isaac; he played
it on the prophets of Baal, and like
enough he was justifiable, considering
the odds that was against him. No; all
[ say is, 'tWa'nt any miracle, and that
I'll show you sos't you can see it your
self.
We'll, times have been getting rough
er and rougher on propEets-that is,
prophets Of Isaac's denomination.
There was 40 prophets of Baal in the
community, and only one Presbyterian;
that is, if Isaac was a Presbyterian,
which | recllen he was, but it don't say.
Naturally, the prophets of Baal took all
the trade. Isaac was pretty low spirit
ed | reckon, but he was a good deal OF
a man, and no doubt be went prophe-
sying around, letting on to be doing a
land-Office business, but It want any
use; he couldn't run any opposition to
amount to anything. By and by things
got desperate with him; he sets his
head to work and thinks it all out, and
then what does he do? Why, he begins
to throw out hints that the other parties
are this and that and t'other-nothing
very definite, may be, but just kind of
undermining their reputation in quiet
way. This made talk, of course, and
finally got to the king The king asked
Isaac what he meant b. his talk Says
Isaac, oh, nothing particular; only
can they pray down fire from heaven
oil tt oI L
your majesty, only can they do it
That's the idea So the king was good
deal disturbed, and he went to the
prophets of Baal, and they said, pretty
airy that if he had an altar ready, they
were ready; and they intimated he
better get it insured, too.
81 So next morning all the children
of Israel and their parents, and other
people, gathered themselves together
Well here was that great crowd of
prophets of Baal placed together on
one side, and Isaac walking down all
alone on the other, putting up his job
When time was called, Isaac let on to
be comfortable and Indifferent; told the
! other team to take the first innings
! So they went at it, the whole 450 ;pray-
ing around the altar very hopeful, and
doing their level best They PRAYED
cn hour-two hours-three hours-and
80 on, plumb till noon. 1t want
any use; they hadn't took trick. Of
course, they felt kind of ashamed be-
fore all these people, and we'll they
might. Now, what would magnani-
nous man do? Keep STILL wouldn't
he? Of course. What did Isaac do :?
He gravelled the prophets of Baal
every way he could think of. Says he,
You don't speak loud enough; your
gods asleep, like enough, or may be
he's taking wax; you want to holler,
you know'-or words to that effect; [
don't recollect the exact language.
Mind, don't apologize for Isaac; he had
his faults
"Well, the prophets of Baal prayed
along the best they knew all the after
noon, and never raised a spark. At
last, about shutdown, they were all
tuckered out, and they owned up and
quit.
What does Isaac do, now? He
steps up and says to some friends of his,
there. Pour four barrels of water on
the altar Everybody was astonisned;
for the other side had prayed at it dry,
you know, and got whitewashed They
poured 1t on. Says he, Heave on four
more barrels Then he says, Heave
on four more Twelve barrels, you
see. altogether. The water ran all over
the altar, and all down the sides, and
| filled up trench around it that could