davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1877-05-25

In Ill ncro picked up from The deck represent
Ing thirteen varieties Of birds. During Gve
houa they continued 10 drop on the vessel, and
purinR that time nuttttudca Of tho poor erca-
Is hardly Sound lfRht-housc or 4 vessel which
piled through Tho Found Tuesday night but was
The eccnc Of the dcstructton OF hundreds Of 1T
tic birds from the burning forcatA Of Long 1sl-
b!nls we're picked up on the steamer Continent
al WedntAday morning.
, 1877-05-25

AlisNxsoTA JUNCTION, Wis, May al.-A very
curious phenomenon hos occurred on tho farn,
OF German, +. Ubol, about a milo from this
place. In iiell that was plowed last fall, and
cultivated about April 25 last, preparatory to
seeding. large cavity has boon formed by tho
illclles acroSs tho top, increasing IN sko 10 thu
bottom, about eight feet down, whcrs tho cavI-
ty is nearly circular and ten feet In diametes.
Many peo0lu hayu beet, " SEQ this curiosity, aud
can vouch for tho truth Of this. This question
Is, where has the piece Of earth in tho shape Of
atruneatcd conc, ten feet at the base. eight feet
high. and thirty inches across tho top, gone u!
VIII some geoEogtst anawcra
A. E, Woop1oRp.
, 1877-05-25
TUE LYING CLUB,

Fishing was the subject Of discussion In the
Saxrras Lying Club last hight. Que member
asserted and offered, u given sufficient tlmo, to
produce the papers in evidence, that back ta tho
States be had caught with : pln.book q river
bass weighing forty-shlco pounds. Under tho
rule forhiddlng the relation Ut Improbable Lies,
he was expelled, tbs Chair deciding that nobody
ever saw Hyer-bass welRhing over forty
pounds too murt. The pin-hook was spread
npnn the minutes, but tue extra three pounds
WIS, by unanimous vote, expuRged thezefEou,.
, 1877-05-25
CURRENT OPINION.

IT'S about time that Gov. Stone, Of Missls-
s!pp'. did something about that DeKalb killing.
nn reputation ~ prompt, scarleas Executive
!" a. staks.-Ans Orleans 1tnses {D<,a).
we Welcome the Armncss OF the President
because Of tue moral influence Of his conduct
lhe CHIEF Magistrate Of tho nation haA deter
tktpl
lGs suppression Of lsNlessness, aud the pro-
'ee'lon ot vi IN all thcls rtshls Vi person and
, 1877-05-25
CURRENT GOSSIP.


DN1FTyVOOD.
To arc like drftwood, drifting, q my troshtrt
With dim rsescIcpce down tha Sea Of Time
That hecihinR, rushing. mAddening sca-another
World opening out to IA it, shlcs Bnblimc.
Sometimes VT afe grean boughs from. ttee-tops
wlnd-rrtnn9,
Sometimes dead trunks 10 check The waters now;
Others. like tender blooms from chidhood's hand
flung,
Have little wood or st,eugth-fra,. flowers. NC
know.
Dut all. e'en thou and !. Adovn tho river
Winding tH course unto Abe wavs.capped sca,
Or thou, my slater, slcmmlng tfdea forever,
huAt sing Ltfe's glorious aong, triumphant, ftce-
Yes, sing aithaugh the heart bo almost breaking:
8omo other sonl may gather strength, and pain
Has chb.t tides which, controlled, will make tho
aching
Tarn Into sweetness. and cur toll 10 gain.
Dat oft L(fc's choicest blessings, with the using.
We ho1a 70 cArctessly within our gratp;
0eu1a tho ho1scat Of cur hcart-ftea fusing,
We call thom sri1ce, lose tham from our clasp;
Iko wh!to.wingel birds, sometimes opf livcs
they rc leaving,
while We Eatth'g baubles s[czc and think them
crowns.
OF spend our tims1n Idle, uselsss srio.lng,
Rhirk1nR plain dul!cs, wootnK Foriuno's frowns
Should this 10 so' Not 1sse above Fnse'a frown-
ing.
Tho world hAs ncod Of sotdEors-1et MS walt,
but work while waiting. Or Rorous crownin9 :.
May not bu OURS at tue triumphal gato.
Could wc but wait, sad brows must know thcis
tuurefs,
And patient hearts must gather palms, somo
day, -
And III Ut tho present pain our sonls may borrow
VIII through tie purple darkncss Gee away.
Dear hcatta, take courage, slowly, slowly drifting
And beeo's my ahnd unto the brave and strong;
puro and true, ons choicest pcans, lifting,
Should awall your praise to join The auxel-song.
Perhaps lie song II not 80 faF above us
Maybe their strnfns make glad this darker llfc;
Earth. pangs grove not tho angels; those who lovu
Know brightest bloom is born from crimson
strife.
wordlcss, wOndrous. dslft!ng hearts, what frac.
tons
We arel gaze upon tho sprsngttmc bloom,
And the grand trucs which have sweet attraction:
| Fen these must die; Int Earth Ia mado thelI
t0mb,
While their germs rise again to sprng,lmc beauty
Ours, o dear Lord, from ashes pass III tine.
| Driftwood We art, yet those who do their duty
Are drifting homcwartl to tho Courts Divine.
| EuHA pAssxonx DnowH.
| CHICAGO, May %,
, 1877-05-25
UnfQxtun2te l3lrds.

~ H0E4N yVGfN01s =.
Tho Boston straiuer Glaucus Ind tho sama
e1pcrieucs with birds on her passage through
pericnceu by New Loudon propeller. Tho sky
1t the time wss thick With smoke from the for
sat hres un Long Island, and great numbers Of
bisds, attracts by the glare ot the ships light,
ttecrca their tlght toward the ssstel, and
striking xxAInst the nssts Of thu house,
fell dead upon the deck. About Nv
, 1877-05-25


Lnndon nispa&eA H. ENs RorE Herald.
Ths Uoyarnment savings banks HAYS et8S,.
0O0,O0o In deposits, against 81, U,00 last
year.
The National Penny Bank announces e2,000.-
600 OF deposits.
staiistics show that Iu<ilA h tic third wheat.
producing country in ths world
, 1877-05-25


Tho Boston Public Library Is about TO receive
an unique and invaluable manuscript addition to
Its treasures. It consists, first, Of tbs original
shorthand notes. by Mr. Gales, Of MIR. Web
s.cr's great spcccl,-the grcatcst. perhaps, ever
made in tho. United States Congrcss-in reply
to Mr. l1aync, Of South Carolina, In January,
lst}0; secondly, Of tho original copy Of these
Of the National IateQiga.ctr. and his wife, aud
rcviscl BY Mr.. Webster: and. thirdly, Of d por-
t!on OF tic speech in Mr.. Webster's own hand-
writing, corrected By him frou! Nj. oales' cory.
porttoltu, with printed eopy Of the speech, and
have been kept by the family Of Mr. Gales, a.
one Of their eliolceat possessions, to the preyent
part with t'is treasure, Tint Il might lind its
most appropriate place an1Ung tho collections of
tho City Library. Tho volume was exhibited at
the meeting of tho Massachusetts Historical
Society recently and excited tic most llyely Ia.
tcrcst.
, 1877-05-25

States, we can sec no tmproprfety In the Office
holders IN tho various States taking prcslscly
the same part In politics that other cltizcns
tAke.-BRTttnGfon Udtfssut (lfTteoHeudoM Ntp)'
I Thu Toledo Bzods suupcsts TINT. tostcaI of
nrniin, IN i1sN innp cnIi,nnt,s Tic nafncs ~ DE-.
ijnnnrrtt tn1norcrs. Chicago shnu],i nrint In onn
"a i. inoee 9ee %ho a1sne
fcct nLout tit[s p|a,1 ls tliat IL would eayo tip
county $50ND-Ctnefnnoti Commercial.
.t. p,.,1. ,.,,.t ,,.,,, 49,. ~. ,,.o, :.
~ sir; IL n!amc MueS MaYs PI. ~ bcIapiook ~
"a! aam5ona h ~. asposa,: Gr ICES M sne Keep "mo
nerte.i @ mo oesa paper If tho county sce,n
to nusn aeaa ~ r ~" ~
Ri:eeI,i I .'5sE:]Is @ @ shs xs,is'' ~ Suieaoo e:
ton WeTaid ifa,ins iS' 'p''"S"s'' 1'p"'''&e""
a.. ,,,,,.t, .,,.., .,..,.. .ta.
e ~ 9cnsn,n ne nn. sSns Ia.
.natt si Nv i ~ y. NJ; .y - ~" ,nsst
Per aays haze sl1psf r. R,s,ns9 sns9
nnntr c a1 , t,, n1 nprrss H. acn M ac
au o9t rn,. ~ an oGc ~,
s,a:n sua VI ~ " ~ spnn III ia
{asafTf aaa an dste,nea m nta :" 90 ao; 80 , sa
r. IT,. E1eG.eneS' HnS' aoS' e'ohe-Soe*'0' '1a"'''
@"r,4 ',., s1,<p.'.
in Tic p premise. 10 Is i I Purely to pursae tSa
line OF tho Constltutton. IN reference 70 all tho
States mike; When called on ny the E9ecut,vc,
and esn g. o. e snS gy hs ss IT,
precision Of an tn4lrrcstion too stronH for tha
statc, he Will do It. But he will not undertake.
to try and detcrnene contested On, election IN II,
under tbs Constitution, md must 10 rlhcrcl
u, whatever r. becomes o. political rasnes Or
leaders.-A.0. fiddle in Cleveland L<ader th<p'}'
As feto5t to The petition cireulatsl n Wash. r.
coiiscuucncc Of iis strcturcS on certain features
oi ti,at t}Iace in n rcccnt lecture, Ills following
pretltlon Is also in circulation:
, 1877-05-25

two small peas. There nrc my tnItia1s,' said
-'P. P.-Pclcg Parker
"We!l, I'M ld-ti!' eaid;tl1e prisoner. Ho
wasn't mot tuss them 1t ftast),n concluded
Mt. Parker, With q benevolent smile, but he
, 1877-05-25

COaJNTIlY HEAL ESTATE.
Tor e AtE--Oti EXc1AE8E-i.1so ACHES OF
Kooa lands. Al In pnn body, IN Graham Cnnty.
trade for ~ lo.s Of impaired. and Msume snail
d. H0iD, JsooH, I, i71 Maiison.st.
TOR BKLE-YUsT M SOLD WITHIN Thirty
dsEr Tei!.!intrurcd farm, 40 acIes. near Janrs.
tt!lt, VIA. e2a per Acre. cTorA Ia. E. ". COLE II
LAks.St.
, 1877-05-25

SCOTCH SADNAT4ANIAN1SM.
A London correspondent Of the New York
Tines writes tho following ancctlote Of R!r
Daniel Siacrcc, the veteran President Of tho
Royal Scottish Academy:
"Altcr dnner, In snug corner, we were talk
Ing Of the 6cutt!sl, Sabbath. Tho Secretary Of
tllo Acndcny,' remarked ST. DunIol, said rather
q good thing to me. I did not get ILLS notice Of
yarnishEng.dcy until Saturday, and, I had to be
here by Monday, had to break the Sabbath. l
was Just calling him over the Goals for Il, when
he auswered mo: You need not have broken
the sabbath; II you had started On Saturday
night, you'd have been travelling in England On
6unlay:h' TIC point Is a trlte subtle, but II u
good eutirc, aud I lcaru Il where It Is. Il met Il
7llgh!andsr,' satd B!r. Daniel, 'wilo. had set
tlel the question Of saebatt.brca@ioE at =
wlth Paity. Among our provisions vas q
Il 10 two, onel,alf for boiling 10 carry with us,
tho other fof Qr!lltng to cat indoors. !am,s
that kni!o would not cut through tho bone.
nasc you not got a. eawie says" be re-.
piled, "but dinDu 70 kiu tia the Sabbath J
would na like TO use saw on tho 6abbatAlh F."
, 1877-05-25
AN Innlsp1sEss1BLE OLD LADY.

AN IRRIsPl.ESs1BLE OLD LADY.
Concerning reception Of spcalter H'aluc's In
other days, and curious old iasly who frc-
Qucntcd such SCENES, correspondent Of the
Cincinnati Commercial tells a picturesque
nnccdotc. Prince Arthur Of Britain was talk
Ing with tho Speaker and alra. Blaine, when
rapidly down the room came the old Indy, and
bcforo hor, being bomled along like = wheel.
barrow, was the plct1oric figure Of RcycrIy
Johnsoil. Ho was evidently e1postulatinE,
but Madamu halted him in front Of thu
Prince, whsro l,o stood With bls face alamo aud
his portly bosom heavlng With Unsurpassed
wratl. Tho irrepressil'e old lady waited for no
Introduction TO Il. Il. H., but graspe,l his llnnd,
!ntcr,upting him ln his rsmarks to ,irs. D1ans,
and, before any one could stop her. wrcnchca
and wrung It to tho rhythm Of this sentence,
"llow do you do. Mr. rr!nee-ac1ighted 70 see
you. Did sou ever see suell country In your
llfo, or onr In which WIS 50 many rairoada7"
Arthur looked Wild over tho eonundrum 80
suddenly shot Into hla royal inte1lcct. llcvrrdy
johnson gnspcd. Mrs. Ilaino looked bewIldcr-
Cd, hut the Speaker released the fmprisoucd
hind, said something 70 tho Querist, aud tn q
moment tho whole alEatr was over, but not for
gotten. After that the ancient lady WINS aup-
pressed.
, 1877-05-25

sslE0lECEA.
A DsnLUTE DIVORCES PROCURED FOR ANY IT,
n El tsus4 rsil Or vnts tAx etlce Of +, AOMTuOM.
Ely. ia1 Washington. A., toons ~ aud ~ Chicago.
I1fVoRcEs LEGALLY AND QUIETLY OBTAINED
~ essFJ stAks md TsK1ltos! fos tneom mp.t,etlity
s4peltencA. A.GOppNiCH+ A1toSasy, 14 peazbafn-As.
, 1877-05-25

CITY REAL ESTATE.
TOE HALE-lon FRET OF DRsT RESIDENCE
J. 1ntA Dearborn ~.
9ofect Of bcst residence 1ots{ Ruperior.at-
I'M feet of btEt Festfrnrn 1otG; Hlfnn.1t-
f16fKtETDR..
17H Uhto.ft.
Eon sALE-C1iEAP-HOty1 TO EURDPE. FUR
4 n1sltd nr nnfurnfshtd houAe. CpngrcU.at.. hc-
twesp Morgan and Aberdeen, Is OF 50 feet foor.9.
TOO Aorfot'Rt- -
Ton FAiE-VRRT TISE lot, 35Ti21 an 8I5-
per1of Mfsne. ehst q st. C'a.. eleapt smtt sssh
HAhNETT 1ilOMAss0N, lis Dearborn'st-'
TOR sALK-f2f.tpo-,TO NEW AND VERY COM.
Il. e. {. f,.nt = ross
wood Goors and Hnsh built with holinw aiIa by days
labor. u. ". DURHAM. II Major block, to to II
4. N. "r
, 1877-05-25

mEAL ESTATE WANTED.
n
W wlahes to purchase well. locnte ed bnsIness block
In Chr.Eo. Sorsh from f50, 90 to 81. uh f0r whrh
nf @2s Hh an9 bsatcc IN equity nt new ~tii'rentcd
tcadencc block. 1UHNkn 4 DUEu, iu1 Washing.
tOh-St.
, 1877-05-25
9IOUsE1AOLD GOODS.

HOUSEHOLD GOODS.
CPECLAL BARGAINS
ELFTdNT rAtlfnK SUITS.
HANDSOME EMAAllER KlllFH-
UNUSUAL ilEpuErttiNS- III 20 FElscE OFF.
u. 4. MARTIN. l5t sTATE-sT.
T7lK UNION FURNITURE COMPANY, SOS WEST
Nslisoa ss., sslI al kinds Of household turultIls
On montnIy payu1sa1; low pstcnAt easy tErn,a.
, 1877-05-25

1sAEkTMElgH WANTED.
DARTSEh WAkTEn-wlTiI 81, SEQ IN AN kx;
/ tr4 profitable nIAnu1actuIinK lusiaesa; tats and
permanent; ~ opportunity Tor business man with
Eood teteIcpeta To ftslJe handsome 9neo1ns Ao4ny
T1A,tTNEK WANTEil-w1rE CAPITAL Tu Ex.
tend veil paying u,aaufscsurtu bukncAA, A.
ready t&IAbshed. 81. Tribune Ntdee-
Iavn of q AGn iuhs ottauia: esrrylhnk tst. t.c!Aasi
now uaKtnX nivuey. Capital reJuFud, el u u IS uU.
No. tpcHIaE. 4dtfEs4 70. TflOpna ohtcG. CAIGAxV,
for thrrs lays.
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03
humorous.
A Local Returning board.


They were playing poker. and PomF
held a full hand. His eyes glistened
with conscious triumph as be put up 1
teu-csnt ante and gazed at bis partner
expectantly
II raises dat ten cents" remarked
Pete.
~ goes quarter more" insinua.sd
Pomp
II stand you and raises anuder quar-
ter replied Pete.
II continue on de war-path and Hops
down de last thirty cents" answered
POmp. placing six nicklss on the table
II kivers de pile and calls you, !"
remarked Pete
"Full hand" said Pomp, turning
his cards "What you got 2"
"a pair and de game am undecided. ("
Whats dat /? Undecided Dis yer
chile takes de pile"
"Not BY long chalk. Dis case
will now be referred to de returnin'
board, who will examine into de patick-
Glars. Oars plenty more good cards
in de pack, aud why didn't git 'em ?
Dar's been intimidation and fraud, and
meanwhile de returain' board takes pos
session Of de spoils," aud Pete reached
out his hand.
Then the other side denied the right
of the board to meddle, and when the
reporter left the horrible demon of civil
war was dancing a wild dance in the
and a policeman was
marching up to mediate with club.
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03
Envy.

The moment a man achieves success
there's always somebody at hand to tell
how poor, how obscure, how "no ac-
count he used to be, and to express
wonder and astonishment that be should
ever have amounted to anything -
The fact that be has amounted to some
thing that he has proved himself sue
cess. seems to make some of bis ac-
quaintances feel that they have been
robbed in a manner, and that by SO
much as be has risen above them in
position or influence, by SO much they
are dwarfed Men who have groped
blindly to find fitting place for the ex-
ercise of their talents, find it, aud with
it come naturally appreciation, money,
influence, prosperity. Can their good
fortune cause anything but rejoicing 10
magnanimous and noble mind There
are very few men of note before the
public who have not fought their way
up through poverty. obscurity. disaster
and countless oppositions of adverse cir
In fact, almost everybody
''that is anybody" has had to eight for
bis crown, and when he gets it, shouldn't
everybody rejoice with him Doubtless
there's many and many a rough dia-
mond that is never polished and set.
but lies buried in mountain gulches
covered with mud many Hmute, in
glorious Milton" sleeps in quiet coun-
try churchyards: but the world is fash
ing with light from diamonds that are
set, ringing With melody from Millions
hat are not mute. One thing is cer-
tain the man or the woman who is oc-
,upied in picking to pieces the crown
aWfully won by successful neighbor
s not likely ever to wear one; for the
line thus spent is worse than wasted,
md the disposition that can find plea
ure in employment so ignominous and
legrading can never find those aspira.
ions, labors, and tolls congenial which
ring deserved reputation and honor
nd success.
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03
Adams Ftr.t w,rs,. Rsrsnrs,

This is the old Hebrew cabaIistic
legend Of Lilith, the first wife of Adam,
as told by NJ. D Conway, in his lee
ture on the devil: "Sbe was a cold.
passiOnless, splendid beauty, with won
drous golden hair She was created
Adams equal in every respect; and,
therefore, properly enough, refused to
obey him. For this she was driven
from the garden Of Eden. and Eve was
was created-made to order, so to speak
of one Of Adams ribs Then the
golden-haired Lilith-jealous, enraged,
pining for her first home iu Paradise
entered in the form Of serpent, crept
into the garden of Eden, and tempted
Adam and Eve to their destruction.
And, from that day to this, Liith,
cold passionless beauty, with golden
hair, has roamed up and down the
earth, snaring the sons of Adam, and
destroying them. You may always
know her dead victims, for, whenever
a man has been destroyed by the hands
of Lilith, you will always find a single
golden hair wrapped tight around bis
lifeless heart. Tothis day many son
of Adam is lured to death and ruin
from having the golden hair Of woman
wrapped too tight around his heart"
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03
MARCH.

All, surly March you've come egain,
With sleet and snow, and hail and rain;
Cold earth beneath, dark sky above you,
What have you, pray, 10 make us love you
No month is half so rough as you,
December winds less harshly blew;
What churlish ways what storm-tossed
tresses
Your presence every one distresses
Haste, haste away We longing wait
To greet fair April at our gate.
Cold earth beneath, dark sky above you,
Surely you've naught TO make US love you
''Ah, see these blossoms p he replied,
Tossing his hail-torn cloak aside,-
'sThough other months have flowers a-many,
Say, are not mine as fair as any?
See, peeping from each dusky fold,
The crocus with its cup of gold;
Violets, suowdrops white and Silly,
Sweeter than any summer lily;
And underneath the old oak k-leaves
Her fragrant wreath the arbutus weaves,-
sky may be above me,
Surely for these all hearts will love me /"
n n. e. Conway, 81. Nicholas for March
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03

UNDERHAND DEALINGS. es.-There are
many people who pride themselves upon
their morality and high sense of honor,
who scout with horror the idea that they
could condescend to tell lie, or com
init dishouorable action, but who are
yet constantly skirmishing all along the
line of upright dealings, without COM
ing fairly and squarely up to it
A traveller, accosting neWsboy, ask
ed; Sonny, what is the quickest way
to get to the North Penn depot !"
n!'' be replied and set the exam
Pile BY getting out of the way pretty
fast.
Did you do nothing to resusoitate
the body r" was asked of witness at
a eorOner's inquest Eyes, sir We
searched the pockets" was the reply
Antonelli's plate and furniture have
been officially appraised at triae over
$4,000.
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03

Admiral Porter once paid1a visit to
the late Admiral Alden as they were
lying in the Mississippi river. A rebel
battery on shore sighted the steamer,
and sent few flying shot which scat
tered among the rigging where the
men we're taking look at the country.
The tars came tumbling down helter-
skelter. Look here" said Admiral
Porter. II thought you told me you
had brave crew" 80 | did," re-
piled Alden, "but they amt on duty
now."
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03

ten or nfteeh years Let EN- WhlA, Drotner gu
drivers.l
Again hear that creaking stepl
He's rapping at the door
Too well / know the boding sound,
That ushers in bore.
do not tremble when | meet
The sioutest Of my foes,
But oh defend me from the friend
Who comes-but never goes.
BE drops into my easy chair,
And asks about the news;
BE peeps into my manuscript,
And gives bis candid views
And tells me where he likes the line,
And where he's forced to grievs;
He takes the strangest liberties
Bul never takes his leave.
He reads my daily paper through,
Before I've seen : word
He scans the lyric (that wrote)
And thinks it quite absurd
he calmly smokes my last cigar,
And coolly asks for more
He opens everything ne sees
Except the entry door.
He talks about his fragile health,
And tells me of the pains
He suffers from score of ills
Of which he ne'er complains;
And how be struggled once with death
To Keep the ieEd at bay.
On themes like these away he goes
But never goes away
He tells me of carping words
Some shallow critic wrote;
And every precious paragraph
Familiarly can quote.
he thinks the writer did me wrong;
He'd like to run him through
He says a thousand pleasant things
But.never says "adieu /"
When ever be comes-that dreadful man
Disguise il as | may,
know that like an Autumn ram,
He'll last throughout the day.
In vain speak Of urgent tasks;
In vain scowl and pout;
A frown is ne exlinguisher-
II does not put him out
/ mean to take the knocker of,
Put Grape upon the door,
Or hint to George that am gone
To stay a mouth or more.
do not tremble when meet
The stouiest of my foes;
But oh defend us from the friend,
Who never, never goes
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03
E1amlnatIen ID a Ritnesr.


Judge-What is your business, sir
What do you follow for a livelihood ?
Witness-NothiDg particular.
Judge-You do not appear to be a
man Of prOperty-how do you get your
bread /?
Witness Il sometimes get il of Mr.
Humbsrt. the baker, strand some
times
Judge-Stop. sir. Understand my
question. How do you support your
self?
Witness~On q chair. sir. in the day
time; on bed at night.
Judge-I do not sit here to tribe
Are you mechanic /?
Witness-No, sir.
Judge-What are you then ?
Witness-A Presbyterian. sir
Judge-If you do not answer me, /
viii have you taken care Of.
Witness-I would thank your honor
to do it; for the times are SO hard that
| cannot take care of myself.
Judge-You work around the whar-
yes. I suppose? {?
Witness-No, sir; you can't get
around them without boat. I don's
own one
Judge-I believe you are an idle
Witness-Your homer is very slow of
belief, or you would have found that
out before
Judge-What do you know of the
case now before the court ?
Witness-Nothing, sir
Judge-Then why do. you stand
here
Witness-BeOause have no chair to
lit in
Judge-Go about your business
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03

They are taking evidence in a divorce
case for cruelty; the husband is under
examination; his wife prOstrated With
grief, is weeping bitterly, covering her
face with her handkerchief. "NoW, ("
says the judge, "are you not ashamed
to have thus brutally treated your wife.
tender young woman of twenty-five 2"
The wife suddenly raises her head, II
beg your PARDON" she sobs; "ouly
tWsnty-four." And she agsin gives way
to her grief.
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03

Servant: II suppose, ma'am. l shall
not have to wait on the table r. Lady :
"0h. no | want q housemaid." Ser
want II suppose, ma'am. l shall not
have to make the beds p Lady (sur-
prised. but cOmposedly): "COrtainly
not Servant (thinking the place viii
sui); "And l suppose. ma'am. shall
not be expected to answer the door p
Lady: "0f course not. The fact is, |
want servant to look at but l don't
think you will suit !"
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03

Roger NJ. Sherman was arguing
case, and made point which the Judge
did not at once see. "Mr. Sherman, y
said he, II would thank you to state
the point so that | can understand
you" Bowing politely, Sherman re-
piled in his blandest manner, Your
Honor is not probably aware Of the task
you are imposing on me-"
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03

An old Baptist minister enforced the
necessity of differences of opinion by
argument; Now. if everybody had
been of my opinion, they would all
have wanted my old woman" One of
the dsacOns who sat just behind him,
responded: "Yes, aud if everybody
was of my opinion nobody would have
her."
Middletown transcript., 1877-03-03

Spanish robbers are proyerbially po-
lite. An Englishman was once accost-
ed on lonely road by a rufiau "Sir,
you have my coat on may l trouble
you for it2" The Englishnan drew a
pistol, and told the fellow be was mis-
taken. "Sir," /" said the robber. II per-
ceive that I am. Will you do me the
honor to communicate your name, that
| may remember it in my prayers 2"