The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1877-08-16
MK. XEnR.s ExCuRsIoN.

If you had looked into the corridor
at the Central Station, yesterday after
noon, you would have seen a long,
shiny nose sticking through the barred
door of cell No. 4, and you might have
heard a lonesome voice crying out:
Putin me in here won't make bit
of difference! I'll rip and tear all the
harder when git ou.p
His name is Webb. He is the old
est son of an old farmer in Greenfield
township. He was In town the other
day with produce, and just as he was
ready to leave the market a boy ap-
preached him and asked him if he
didn't want to buy a church excursion
ticket for half-price. 1t was to be a
beautiful excursion, the boy said, with
ice cream and lemonade, and hand
some girls and bashful widows all over
the boat, and there would be soft mu-
sic by the band, sweet singing by the
choir, and shadowy angels would be
hOyering near to pick up the awful
good children who tumbled overheard.
I'm right there, bub,' replied the
oldest son, as he went down into his
vest for quarter and he further said
that he had been for years hankering
TO go on boss excursion up the river.
The ticket read that the boat would
leave the dock at sharp 9 a. m. OF
Thursday. The oldest son was On
time. He went to the foot of Wood
ward avenue and kept his eye looking
for the steamer Northwest. He didn't
see any church deacons around. No
crowd of white-robed children sur
rounded him. AT 10 O'Clock the old
est son pulled out his card and walked
up to knot of men and remarked:
'Has this excursion gone?s
THAT excursion replied one of the
men, as he cad the ticket, took place
three weeks ago this morning.
And I'm leftv
Yes sir-you are just twenty days
and some odd hours too late
Il paid two shillings for this ticket
grimly observed the oldest son. 1T
calls for an excursion. I've got bread
and butter and ham and currants, and
a pint bottle fun of tea in this basket,
and I'm going on the excursion Or
know the reason why
There are several reasons why
laughed the crowd.
'Gentlemep,troto out your steamboat!
said Mr.. Webb.
They laughed again.
Gentlemen, give you just two
minutes to pull your Old steamer
around herep = -
More laughing.
Gentlemen, Pm no blowhard. j
want my rights, and I'm going TO have
.em. amt going to plank down two
shillings iu cash, sit up half a night to
greese my boots, sew on buttons and
oil my hair, ride twelve miles in an
old wagon and find the boat gone, and
not let folks know how l feel about it.
Bring on your boatv
we don't own no boat, they answer
ed. u.
Cant help it, hold you RESPONSE
BILE. Puff your old boat around here
or I'll climb the whole town?'
He put down his bundle and went
III, the odds being eleven to one. He
hadn't spit on his hand over three
times before he was ell twisted out OF
shape, and good share of his body
jammed into an old cheese-box. A
policeman pried him out, united the
knots in his legs, smoothed ont the
kinks in his spinal column, and led
him away to the station.
Don't that call for an excursion {?
demanded Mr.. Webb, as he slammed
his ticket down before the captain.
" 1t does, if know how to read, and
now where is the excursion.
"Gone," was the brief answer.
"Well, l hain,L gone. Pm right
here, I'm waiting for that boat, and If
she doesn't come I'll wade up and
down this town like festive cyclone
I'll give you just two minutes to pu:
me aboard of the excursion,"-Det.I
Free Press.